# Favorite Sayings, Phrases and Quotes



## lucca23v2 (Jun 5, 2015)

Ok, I didn't see a thread about this, so I figured what the heck..

I know we have all heard some good sayings, phrases and quotes. I thought it would be great to share them. 

Most of my favorite sayings are in Spanish. Below is my top favorite quote:

_*Eres un cero a la izquierda.*_ 

-*Literal* *translation*- You are a zero to the left- 

-*meaning*, you are about as useful as a zero to the left of the decimal.. (which is pretty useless..lol)

ie: *0*.00



What are some of your favorite sayings, phrases and quotes?


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## Tad (Jun 5, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> _*Eres un cero a la izquierda.*_
> 
> -*Literal* *translation*- You are a zero to the left-
> 
> -*meaning*, you are about as useful as a zero to the left of the decimal..



That is deliciously nerdy sounding!

I've come to really like a phrase that I picked up from a co-worker, which describes goings-on at my company far too often but also applies to a lot of other situations: "Going to fast to stop for gas." Hopefully it is self-explanatory


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## MattB (Jun 5, 2015)

"Join me or die! Can you do any less!?!?" -Mr. Sparkle

Yes it's a Simpsons quote, and I really should grow up, but this actually has made it into many casual conversations I've had over the years. (Including one time my buddy was unsure of going to Taco Bell with me...)


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## FreeThinker (Jun 6, 2015)

Below are a few that have stuck with me over the decades. Some of these I use regularly:



"So sick it took four doctors to get me healthy enough to die."

"Finer than frog's hair split three ways and sandpapered down right fine."

"Slicker than snot on a marble."


All of the above courtesy of my girlfriend's dad in Alabama.

------

"Holy jumping mother of God in a sidecar with chocolate jimmies and a lobster bib!"

Max: "Lest we be trod upon!"
Sam: "I hate it when you say 'lest we be trod upon'."

"Cheeze Wizzorama, Sam! That was neat!"

"Ooh! Lookie, Max. I mean Sam."


Sam and Max comic book.

------

"Scallops are just mashed potatoes made of fish."


The ever-so-quotable *Jes*, who used to post here.

-----

"You Goddamn kids get off my Goddamn property or I'll Goddamn yer Goddammers, Goddammit!"


A neighbour lady when I was growing up, addressing two boys with a slingshot.

------

"Primo bitchin', Tom!"


Coached audience response to an hypnotist who did a show at my high school.

------

"Sometimes you write about your own experiences, sometimes you write about other people's experiences, and sometimes you just make s**t up 'cause life don't rhyme."


Steve Earle. 

------




You know, having a good memory isn't all it's cracked up to be.


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## Yakatori (Jun 6, 2015)

Even if I'm not saying it quite right, I like think-to myself, "_If she isn't nuttier than acre full of snakes..._


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## LeoGibson (Jun 6, 2015)

A few of my favorites.

Otter: Take it easy, I'm pre-law.
Boon: I thought you were pre-med.
Otter: What's the difference? Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief.


D-Day: War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.
Bluto: What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it. He's rolling.

---------


I was puckered up so tight you couldn't have gotten a greased BB up my ass.

Busier than a one legged man in an ass kickin' contest

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

That makes my ass want to sop syrup

I'm so confused I don't know which way to point my pecker

I don't know whether to shit or go blind


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## lucca23v2 (Jun 6, 2015)

LeoGibson said:


> .
> 
> *Busier than a one legged man in an ass kickin' contest*



*Snipped*

I love this!


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## lucca23v2 (Jun 6, 2015)

We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.


&#8213; J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Sirius Black)

I this was my favorite line from the books and movies....


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## Ho Ho Tai (Jun 8, 2015)

This expression is usually thought of as a part of the Hippocratic Oath.

From Wiki "_*Primum non nocere*_ is a Latin phrase that means "*first, do no harm*." The phrase is sometimes recorded as _*primum nil nocere*_.[1]"

While associated with physicians and others in the medical community, I feel that it should be administered to every student and new grad as they prepare to enter the world at large. Most would ignore it, especially those with careers in politics, banking, or Wall Street, but perhaps it might stick with sufficient people to reach a critical mass - some day.

Would that I see such a day!


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## Tad (Jun 8, 2015)

When I see a quote I like, I stick it into my personal document of quotes. I don't always know the names of the person that the quote is from, or the context, but if I like the sound of, I grab it.

I won't drop the whole list on you, but here are a couple:

"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be." --Elizabeth Gilbert

"Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory." -- Leonardo da Vinci


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## sharms86.sh (Jun 10, 2015)

"Non sum qualis eram" latin meaning "I am not as I was once." Horace

My personal favorite 'It's not Rocket Surgery'

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 10, 2015)

Most of my favorite sayings are literary:

from P.G. Wodehouse: "If people were dominoes, he would have been the double blank."

from Terry Pratchett: "If you build a man a fire, he will stay warm for one night. If you set a man on fire, he will stay warm for the rest of his life."

from Kathryn Jensen White (speaking of a BBW): "If her daddy told her to haul ass, she'd have to make two trips."


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## Ho Ho Tai (Jun 10, 2015)

sharms86.sh said:


> "Non sum qualis eram" latin meaning "I am not as I was once." Horace



In my old age, I frequently employ this quote. I don't know where it came from. I may have invented it myself. I forget.

"I'm not the man I used to be - but then, I never was."


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## Ho Ho Tai (Jun 10, 2015)

I had occasion to share this quote with a pianist lately - a man who plays dynamite Rachmaninoff,

"Whether the angels play only Bach praising God, I am not quite sure. I am sure, however, that en famille they play Mozart."  Karl Barth 

adding that when the imps entertain the devil, they play either Tartini or Rachmaninoff.


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## FreeThinker (Jun 11, 2015)

Tad said:


> "Going too fast to stop for gas."



I'm going to start using that. 




Dr. Feelgood said:


> from Terry Pratchett: "If you build a man a fire, he will stay warm for one night. If you set a man on fire, he will stay warm for the rest of his life."



Wow! I've been misquoting that for years without even knowing its origin! Thank you. 



sharms86.sh said:


> My personal favorite 'It's not Rocket Surgery'



Reminds me of how a former boss of mine would say, "a dozen of one, a half-dozen of the other."

Not really a detail guy, that one.


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## FlashHeart (Jun 11, 2015)

I've been watching supernatural again and love Bobby's saying when ever anything goes awry....."BALLS!!!". I was going to say its been running off on me but.......lol


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## FreeThinker (Jul 8, 2015)

I realized that I quote Homestar Runner a fair bit:


* Combolations, Elizagerth!

* Good jaerb!

*You've got to say it with a _flourish_. 

*(singing) Traipsing along, traipsing, traipsing along, when an e-mail got stuck in my eye.

*You was tryin' to jank me!



Then there's this one from Kentucky Fried Movie:


*We are building a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude. 

(I often paraphrase this to fit a given situation, but I keep the "extraordinary magnitude" part  )


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## firefly (Jul 8, 2015)

*To quit is not a valid option.*

This did help me a lot in the past years.


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## FreeThinker (Jul 10, 2015)

This one is from an ex of mine. I rarely use it, but I can't forget it:



"Well. Doesn't that just suck big hairy moose c**k."



(It kind of provides its own visual)


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## dwesterny (Jul 14, 2015)

All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental. - Kurt Vonnegut

Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you. If I went 'round saying I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away. -Dennis speaking to King Arthur


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## WTF (Jul 14, 2015)

This is kind of a weird one but a phrase I like is "clear leather". Its a firearms reference meaning to completely unholster a gun. I heard it in the song Big Iron by Marty Robbins and just thought it was kinda sexy. I dont know of any other meanings, so I dont get to use it often.


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## dwesterny (Jul 14, 2015)

"We deal in lead" Steve McQueen


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## FreeThinker (Jul 14, 2015)

dwesterny said:


> "We deal in lead" Steve McQueen



"Time starts now." -- Steve McQueen


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## biggirlsrock (Jul 19, 2015)

2 of my favorites are from Foghorn Leghorn...

I'm busier than a centipede in a toe tappin' contest.

and

It's hotter than a sweatband in a fireman's helmet.


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 29, 2015)

ok..not so much as a catch 22, but you get the idea...

"If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk. 

It is from a story that reads...

"If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk. When you give him the milk, he'll probably ask you for a straw. When he's finished, he'll ask you for a napkin. Then he'll want to look in a mirror to make sure he doesn't have a milk mustache. When he looks in the mirror, he might notice his hair needs a trim. So he'll probably ask for a pair of nail scissors. When he's finished giving himself a trim, he'll want a broom to sweep it up. He'll start sweeping. He might get carried away and sweep every room in the house. He may even end up washing the floors as well! When he's done, he'll probably want to take a nap. You'll have to fix up a little box for him with a blanket and a pillow. He'll crawl in, make himself comfortable and fluff the pillow a few times. He'll probably ask you to read him a story. So you'll read to him from one of your books, and he'll ask to see the pictures. When he looks at the pictures, he'll get so excited he'll want to draw one of his own. He'll ask for paper and crayons. He'll draw a picture. When the picture is finished, he'll want to sign his name with a pen. Then he'll want to hang his picture on your refrigerator. Which means he'll need Scotch tape. He'll hang up his drawing and stand back to look at it. Looking at the refrigerator will remind him that he's thirsty. So... he'll ask for a glass of milk. And chances are if he asks you for a glass of milk, he's going to want a cookie to go with it."

Author Laura Numeroff


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 29, 2015)




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## lucca23v2 (Jul 29, 2015)

"Tanto cae gotas de agua en el cantero hast que se rompe"

loosely translated- only so many drops of water can fall/drop on a stone (cantero is actually stonemason I think) until it breaks

*Also*

"Más sabe el diablo por viejo que por diablo."
translation- the devil knows more from age than from being the devil...

Spanish people have a saying for everything..lol


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## Forgotten_Futures (Jul 29, 2015)

"Make it idiot proof, and someone will build a better idiot."


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## Ho Ho Tai (Jul 29, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> ok..not so much as a catch 22, but you get the idea...
> 
> "If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk.
> 
> ...



My e-mail repeater didn't include the author's name so I Googled the first line. We have had a collection of kids' books for much longer than we have had grandkids but now, the books and the kids go together like ice cream and berries. This book will be added to the collection as soon as I can find it.

Actually, this is much like the story of how Mrs Ho Ho and I got together, except we sort of took turns being the mouse. I crept into her arms and she crept into my heart. 

She knew me for years before she first visited me when I took a job out of town. She was very impressed with my cooking and how clean I kept the place swept out (only I used a vacuum cleaner).

We just celebrated our Silver Anniversary. I still do most of the cooking and cleaning (I have a new vacuum now). I don't sleep in a little box; she has a nice soft place beside her in her bed (our bed now).

And it is a sort of circular story. We keep doing the same old loving things day after day after day . . .


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 29, 2015)

Awww.. Ho Ho... that is so sweet....


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## Taenia (Jul 31, 2015)

"Life is beautiful"


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## dwesterny (Jul 31, 2015)

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, the speed of light, you know, Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is

So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure, how amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space 'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth

Eric Idle
_____________________________________________

The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.

Douglas Adams
__________________________________________________

What was that about hats again?


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## wrenchboy (Aug 1, 2015)

It is better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not. Peter Steele


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 8, 2015)

"Be yourself, because everyone else is taken."- Oscar Wilde


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## Ho Ho Tai (Aug 8, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> "Be yourself, because everyone else is taken."- Oscar Wilde



I love it, but . . . I think someone else took the 'me' I was supposed to be, and look what I got stuck with?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 9, 2015)

I find myself quoting this in my head sometimes.....the most beautiful thing I have ever read:

_*On Children*_

Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, 
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, 
and He bends you with His might 
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, 
so He loves also the bow that is stable.


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## Ho Ho Tai (Aug 9, 2015)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I find myself quoting this in my head sometimes.....the most beautiful thing I have ever read:
> 
> _*On Children*_
> 
> ...


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## balletguy (Aug 11, 2015)

Wish in one hand and shit in the other....see what fills up first.
Bad Santa


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## Ho Ho Tai (Aug 15, 2015)

Friends -

I sent this out as an e-mail today. You may like it too.

Great quote: "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again, Fail again. Fail better." wrote Samuel Beckett. In life tenacity is everything, something Americans do better than most."

A great maxim for teachers and other mentors to pass on to their students.

This quote is on the blog of a local weather man, Paul Douglas. He is largely a 'commercial' weatherman, catering to businesses and agriculture rather than doing TV weather. But he is wittier than most and not afraid to poke fun at the inaccuracy of weather models and weatherpeople. You can read his blog at

http://www.startribune.com/blogs/Paul_Douglas_on_Weather/.

As a weather forecaster, he is better than most and somewhat better than Punxsutawney Phil and the Farmer's Almanac.


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## dwesterny (Aug 15, 2015)

This
[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNOutomr5XI"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNOutomr5XI[/ame]


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## balletguy (Aug 18, 2015)

You can't always get what you want


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## dwesterny (Aug 18, 2015)

balletguy said:


> You can't always get what you want


 But if you try, sometimes you might find you get what you need.


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## LeoGibson (Aug 21, 2015)

You can go and take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.


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## Ho Ho Tai (Aug 21, 2015)

"The only way around is through"

Though this phrase is attributed to Robert Frost, I cannot find source in which he says it quite this way. He did include a similar phrase in a poem.

I have spent so much time in my life looking for work-arounds, alternate pathways and the like. I'm pretty sure that many of you have too. In the end you probably still have to deal with 'it' and so much time and energy have been wasted meanwhile.

I have finally come to grips with this trap - most of the time anyway.

1. Measure your resources against the magnitude and nature of the 'it'.
2. If you need more, try to get them.
3. If you have the resources, pull on your boots and plow into 'it' - headlong.
4. If you don't have the resources, forget 'it' and find other, surmountable goals.


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## Ho Ho Tai (Sep 2, 2015)

I ordered some books from the Theosophical Society a while back. I just discovered a bookmark inside one of them with this admonishment written on it:

"Meditation is not what you think"

I love the wordplay. I love 'fruitful' puns - puns that are both a clever play on words and which reveal a deeper truth. This qualifies.


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## dwesterny (Sep 2, 2015)

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. 

Attributed to Dr. Seuss. I flatter myself that I am not the type to be swayed by cliche, but as simple as this is it really did change my perspective on losing something when I first heard it at a time when it was particularly applicable.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk


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## biggirlsrock (Sep 6, 2015)

I might've been born yesterday, but I was up all night!!!


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## LeoGibson (Sep 6, 2015)

Whenever someone says, "My mama didn't raise no fools." My reply is always, "You must have left home at an early age,"


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## FluffyButterfly80 (Sep 13, 2015)

"Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change." 
-Dr Wayne Dyer (R.I.P.)


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## swamptoad (Dec 1, 2015)

Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.


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## swamptoad (Dec 1, 2015)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I find myself quoting this in my head sometimes.....the most beautiful thing I have ever read:
> 
> _*On Children*_
> 
> ...





beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!


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## FreeThinker (Apr 6, 2016)

Just recently, I found myself repeating an odd little saying from a former girlfriend's youngest sister (although most of the rest of the family used it, too):


"It's like stapling baloney to your face, don'cha know? God, I hate it when that happens."


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## biodieselman (Apr 8, 2016)

Borrowed from a fellow union brother in the Operating Engineers and a minister.



"In order to be stabbed in the back... 







you must be ahead."


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Apr 10, 2016)

"Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man wealthy, but socially dead."


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 3, 2016)

Another spanish one.. 

"no le busques traspiés al gato" 

Translation: "Don't look for a cat's missteps"

meaning: don't look for problems/errors where there are none..

Cat's rarely misstep/trip over themselves so it is pretty much non existent.


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## LumpySmile (Aug 4, 2016)

The pep and driving power of youth is desirable but the best results usually come with maturity, especially maturity which laughs at age. -- Samuel M. Vauclain


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## LumpySmile (Aug 4, 2016)

"You can't make ice cream out of shit." -- Lou Ricillo


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## Ho Ho Tai (Aug 23, 2016)

I heard this in a biography about The Babe: "Never let the fear of striking out get in your way". This thought has been uttered by many over the centuries, in many different ways. It may take a long time to learn, but as I near 80, I think I've got it down pretty well. "Swing for the fences, every time. Don't even look to see if your shoelace is untied. If the ball goes over the fence, you can tie it later."


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 23, 2016)

"Perfection is not attainable, but if you chase perfection, you can catch excellence." -- Vince Lombardi


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## x0emnem0x (Aug 25, 2016)

A quote about the claddagh ring from Buffy the Vampire slayer: 

“It’s a claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty… and the heart… Well, you know… Wear it with the heart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody….” 

A latin quote:

"Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris? Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior."
"I hate and I love. How do I do that, perhaps you ask? I do not know, but I feel it is happening and I am tormented."


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## Tad (Aug 25, 2016)

This is one I've picked up from a co-worker, which explains far too much of what happens around here: "Going too fast to stop for gas."


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 25, 2016)

"Clarisse....have the lambs stopped screaming?"


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## FreeThinker (Sep 23, 2016)

"If you take a moral stand without being a condescending prick about it have you _really_ taken a moral stand?" -- *Cobra Verde*




Rep the source material, not my post.


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## Cobra Verde (Sep 25, 2016)

This is how it begins...


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## Ho Ho Tai (Oct 7, 2016)

"I was written off by many who considered me a jellyfish before I set my own course to chart my personal destiny. And I have proved that life can be a beautiful, magnificent thing to even a jellyfish."


Charlie Chaplin (Who would have known?)

I heard this quote for the first time recently on a film bio. of the life of Chaplin. I found many sources for the quote but selected this one for the additional content. Success Soul


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## Cobra Verde (Oct 20, 2016)

I know a stupid HBO cop show isn't really the place to find wisdom but in this winter of my discontent I keep coming back to this:



> I know who I am. And after all these years there's a victory in that.


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## Ho Ho Tai (Dec 14, 2016)

I just ran across this one today, from the folks at FullMoon.info .

Good advice for lots of people, from Full Moon.



"Maybe you know this feeling, treading water and to always be confronted with the same situation or problem. Melancholy, self-doubt and other sinister companions begin to spread, the belief in a positive outcome is lost. But is it truly possible to stand still? Is there a not-develop-oneself? Maybe it is only the similarity of situations that lets us overlook that we are different today, compared to yesterday. Mark Twain phrased it beautifully, "History does not repeat itself, but it does rhyme". We should not be discouraged to be confident in taking large steps."


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## Ho Ho Tai (Dec 26, 2016)

New Scientist (19 Nov 2016) has several interesting quotes in the lead editorial. I can't say they are my favorites - I never heard them before - but each carries a lesson to be ignored at one's own peril.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." Philip K. Dick

"We can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality." Ayn Rand


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## Kristal (Dec 27, 2016)

"Magic is what you make become." - Kristal


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## nitewriter (Dec 27, 2016)

"We has met the Enemy and he is Us!!!"


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## AmyJo1976 (Dec 27, 2016)

_"It's not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on." -_ Marilyn Monroe


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## Kristal (Dec 27, 2016)

"Where is my god damn what-cha-ma-call-it"? - my grandfather


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## AmyJo1976 (Dec 28, 2016)

Kristal said:


> "Where is my god damn what-cha-ma-call-it"? - my grandfather



lol! My grandfather sounded just like that


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## socrates74 (Dec 28, 2016)

"*Everything* is either time or money"


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## swamptoad (Jan 19, 2017)

Me fail english? Thats unpossible. *Matt Groening*

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. *Groucho Marx*

Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. 
*Robert Fulghum*

The greatest wealth is to live content with little.* Plato*


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## Ho Ho Tai (Jan 20, 2017)

I don't know who said it first but it's the very last thing I want to hear. There are a million ways to spin this phrase. One always knows if it comes from the heart. And nothing - nothing can heal heart wounds faster.


_*"I love you"
*_​


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## FreeThinker (Jan 21, 2017)

I don't know who said it first, but:

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner."



I refer to this:




Ho Ho Tai said:


> I don't know who said it first but it's the very last thing I want to hear. There are a million ways to spin this phrase. One always knows if it comes from the heart. And nothing - nothing can heal heart wounds faster.
> 
> 
> _*"I love you"
> *_​




Nicely said, Mr. Tai.


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## Kristal (Feb 15, 2017)

What goes around comes around.

from KristalKlear on Tapatalk


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## DianaSSBBW (Feb 15, 2017)

It takes two to Tango.


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## AmyJo1976 (Feb 16, 2017)

I'm a brilliant brunette with lots of blonde moments!


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## nitewriter (Feb 17, 2017)

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's the 5:10 out of Hoboken!


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## LumpySmile (Feb 19, 2017)

If you have built castles in the air, work need not be lost: there is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. -- Thoreau


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## LumpySmile (Feb 25, 2017)

"I often compare the Federal Government to Lennie from _Of Mice and Men_. They mean well, but they’re just going to screw things up." -- Jamie Barth

Totally made me laugh. So true... Doesn't matter who's running the big electric trainset!


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## LumpySmile (Mar 2, 2017)

"Some there are who are nothing else than a passage for food and augmentors of excrement and fillers of privies, because through them no other things in the world, nor any good effects are produced, since nothing but full privies results from them." 

--Leonardo da Vinci


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## Kristal (Mar 3, 2017)

"Magic is what you make become"

-- Kristal

Sent from my A571VL using Tapatalk


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## Tracii (Mar 3, 2017)

Doesn't know shit from Shineola !


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## Kristal (Mar 4, 2017)

They've got Spanx on sale over'ta Walmart.


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## nitewriter (Mar 4, 2017)

The further you go the behinder you get.


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## Tracii (Mar 4, 2017)

Some are wise some are otherwise.


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## AmyJo1976 (Mar 5, 2017)

Ya gonna eat that last bite?


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## Tracii (Mar 5, 2017)

She is dumb as dirt..... bless her heart.


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## CPProp (Mar 8, 2017)

You don't know, what you don't know


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## LumpySmile (Mar 16, 2017)

You do know what an expert is, right? 

An ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a drip under pressure!


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## FreeThinker (Mar 16, 2017)

Breakdown of 'Expert' from my high school science teacher:

An egg comes out of the backside of a chicken and a spurt is a short jerk.


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## LumpySmile (Mar 21, 2017)

Start your rod farther up the groove then pull it back to the starting point. Those pecker tracks will get you kicked off the job.

Advice I got years ago from my welding instructor that I still follow today. Out of context, it sounds kinda strange.


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## AngelCros (Mar 25, 2017)

Kindness is love with it's workboots on


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## nitewriter (Mar 25, 2017)

"Watch that first ste...........p!


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## Kristal (Apr 1, 2017)

What goes around, comes around...

Sent from my A571VL using Tapatalk


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## LumpySmile (Apr 11, 2017)

That'll do, Pig.


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## Ho Ho Tai (May 22, 2017)

"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot."


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## fuelingfire (May 22, 2017)

I don't know how common this saying is, but I know an old timer that is really into watching sports. He frequently says, "He couldn't hit a bulls ass with a handful of peas!" I laugh every time he says it, then wonder what his childhood was like.


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## Dr. Feelgood (May 22, 2017)

His childhood was probably exciting, if he had a handful of peas and a good aim.


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## fuelingfire (May 22, 2017)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> His childhood was probably exciting, if he had a handful of peas and a good aim.



Ah, yes, life before the internet.


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## swamptoad (May 23, 2017)

"It's bizarre that the produce manager is more important to my children's health than the pediatrician." Meryl Streep


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## fatgrllvr (Sep 8, 2017)

lucca23v2 said:


> Ok, I didn't see a thread about this, so I figured what the heck..
> 
> I know we have all heard some good sayings, phrases and quotes. I thought it would be great to share them.
> 
> ...



"If they give you lined paper, write the other way."

"Nobody gets out alive" (regarding life in general).

"At heart, all men love fat women, sweet wine, and the music of Tchaikovsky."


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## Ho Ho Tai (Sep 8, 2017)

I'm going to nudge this thread just a bit to the left.
I love flirtation lines, especially when I make them up myself (and am too shy to use them).

I was watching an animated conversation, full of smiles, but a bit too far away to hear it. How to break in?

"I caught this smile, floating by. I think it's yours. Can I keep it?"

Corny, yeah. But remember - I'm 80 y.o. It's easier to get away with stuff like that.


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## SarahLaughsAlot (Sep 9, 2017)

Lol, it's so funny this would
Be a topic cause my friends always say I have some crazy sayings. I think most of it is being from the south where parade crazy on our front porch 
"ain't you a sight for sore eyes" 
" be still my heart, I ain't heard from you in a hot minute" 
"Be Pretty"
"Quit RubberNeckin" 
"He's finer than leg hair on a frog" 
Everyone is "Honey, Baby or Sweetie" 
"Bless its heart," 
"Honey that's so ugly it's painful"


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## AuntHen (Sep 14, 2017)

Growing up, my Dad was notorious for saying...

-What's that got to do with the price of tea in China? 
-If it was a snake it would've bit you.
-Can't never could do anything. (this was of course usually said right after one of my sisters and/or I was whining about "I cant do it..."). 

My all time favorite will always be my Granny's though...

-That ain't gonna get a baby no shoes!


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## Ho Ho Tai (Sep 14, 2017)

Of course, I wouldn't target the current administration with this observation, nor would I exclude it - or any administration.
*George Santayana > Quotes > Quotable Quote*



 * Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim. *


&#8213; George Santayana


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## swamptoad (Oct 15, 2017)

View attachment l_0f93fc60-fc25-11e1-bf0e-711797500007.jpg

............


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## BurgerMePlease (Nov 20, 2017)

One of my faves: 

View attachment thou-shalt-not-stress-over-the-opinion-of-an-irrelevant-3802039.png


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## swamptoad (Nov 25, 2017)

View attachment dont_make_love_by_the_garden_gate_postcard-rd0bb615b0e384455aeb0c7b89a0f7fc3_vgbaq_8byvr_512.jpg



..............


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## Killexia (Apr 11, 2019)

I'm a big fan of the Dr Laura show and one of her callers said her grandpa often said "I'll let you whittle and spit on that" meaning I'll let you mull things over a bit. After living in the South for going on 7 years I realized that I've begun using this phrase quite a bit.


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## FleurBleu (Apr 15, 2019)

Less is more. Unless you're standing next to the one with more. Then less just looks pathetic.


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## braindeadhead (Apr 25, 2019)

I'm a big fan of "Get your shit back in one sock", which came from The Onion.

https://www.theonion.com/south-postpones-rising-again-for-yet-another-year-1819565548/amp


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## Chuggernut (Apr 25, 2019)

My favorite are from Professor Malaprop:

"You buttered your bread, now lie in it"
"We must learn to put principle aside, and do what is right!"
"She is even more beautiful when you meet her, than she is in person"
"There are no second debuts in life"
"We could learn from the wisdom of Earl Carlson who, as the old saying goes, goes without saying"


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## Gamecat (Apr 27, 2019)

Some of mine:

It is science: "More mass is more attraction".
I have no time for haste.


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## FleurBleu (Apr 27, 2019)

Running will make you live longer. But you'll spend THAT time running.


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## Shotha (Apr 27, 2019)

Chuggernut said:


> My favorite are from Professor Malaprop:



I like Malapropisms. Here's one of mine:

"A malapropism is when someone starts to read books on entomology, because they're interested in the origins of birds."


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## FleurBleu (May 3, 2019)

Did you hear Julie Andrews will no longer use cheap lipstick? Apparently it crumbles and makes her breath smell. She said, "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."


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## agouderia (May 3, 2019)

"Beware of renegades" - no truer saying in the English language!


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## Shotha (May 3, 2019)

Here's one of my little fat-positive slogans:

*You get a lot more bang for your buck, 
When you take a fat boy home for a fuck.*


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## FleurBleu (May 9, 2019)

So, this isn't a meme but an anecdote I have to share:

The friend of a friend works in a kindergarten. One of the educators is skinny, the other is big, equipped with impressive breasts. The kids all like to cuddle with the latter, of course. Then one day a boy skipped over to the skinny one and asked: 
"Do you have breasts, too?" 
- She grimaced but caught herself and smiled, "Yes, of course I have breasts, too." - 
"Ooh, can you bring them tomorrow?"


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## RVGleason (May 9, 2019)

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led-Stan Laurel


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## Shotha (May 12, 2019)

One of my favourite sayings is:

*"The opera isn't over until the fat lady has sung."*


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## FleurBleu (May 12, 2019)

Strangers have the best candy.


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## Grizzlybear (May 12, 2019)

"When you have eliminated the impossible, that which remains, however implausible, must be the truth." - Sir Arthur Ignatious Conan Doyle, via Sherlock Holmes


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## DragonFly (May 15, 2019)

Adapt, improvise, overcome. 

My father would always say that to me about any situation. That was his go to for every issue. Yes he was a Marine.


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## wrenchboy (May 18, 2019)

From Frank Zappa at the PMRC hearings 

"The PMRC demands are the equivalent of treating dandruff by decapitation ".


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## wrenchboy (May 18, 2019)

You can't make chicken soup out of chicken shit


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## FleurBleu (May 18, 2019)

A lady in my choir once said, "Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you."


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## exponder (May 23, 2019)

My grandmother had a saying when you spoke without thinking, or said something stupid. I've never heard anyone else say it, think it was originally hers. 

"You talk like a boy/girl with a paper asshole."


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## Shotha (May 24, 2019)

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE?

Don't you just love people, who use you as a size comparison for telling people that some other guy is huge? A friend yesterday say, "And he's about the same size as Frank." A gainer can't have better friends than this.

(Frank is the name that I'm most frequently known by.)


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## swamptoad (May 25, 2019)

"Life is a question and how we live it is our answer." Gary Keller


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## Dr. Feelgood (May 25, 2019)

wrenchboy said:


> You can't make chicken soup out of chicken shit



But with artificial color and flavoring you can make something you can sell at a profit...


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## gedjt1 (May 25, 2019)

This is one I still use, Im from the North of England and this an old saying that still makes me smile,
"You might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb" as In, go for it and worry about the consequences later


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## Shotha (May 25, 2019)

I nostalgically remember a phrase used by my father. I heard other people use it in my home town of Stoke-on-Trent in England. It is used to describe someone, who is useless. It is:

*He's like a fart in a colander.*​


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## FleurBleu (May 30, 2019)

Don't get a discount circumcision. It's a rip-off.


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## BigElectricKat (May 30, 2019)

Living well is the best revenge.


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## loonerman (Jun 6, 2019)

“His dog don’t hunt.”

A southern variation on “brick shy of a load”.


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## Shotha (Jun 7, 2019)

This is a phrase that I haven't heard for over 30 years. It is said of someone, who never stops talking.

*He/she can talk the hind leg off a donkey.*​


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## wrenchboy (Jun 7, 2019)

Shotha said:


> This is a phrase that I haven't heard for over 30 years. It is said of someone, who never stops talking.
> 
> *He/she can talk the hind leg off a donkey.*​




Unlike my sister. She can talk all four legs off a donkey. Haha!


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## loonerman (Jun 7, 2019)

“Best way to avoid punch is to not be there.”
—Mr. Miyagi


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## RVGleason (Jun 7, 2019)

*

“Not in the face! Not in the face!!!”*

Arthur - The Tick


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## Lostonline040 (Jun 8, 2019)

It is what it is -- and it aint what it aint!


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