# I got hurt…



## Fat Molly (Jun 12, 2018)

For one reason or another, apparently all the BHM folk that I encounter dispose of me like yesterday’s garbage. This weekend, I was victim to someone I connected with here on dims Who seriously seems to check off every possible criteria that I would have an a partner. And yet here I am again, burned and licking my wounds. Is this what I get for being sexually confident and assertive? For knowing what I want, and for going out and not being afraid to get it? Why are the men I encounter so spineless And cowardly?

Gentlemen, don’t ghost on people even if you’re not into them. Here is a quick cut and paste thing you can use to break up with the girl you had a one night stand with even though you asked her constantly, “are you real,” telling her that you can’t stop smiling because you’re so excited, And Telling her when she describes her past relationships that you would be different.

“Hey there, such a great night, I really enjoyed myself, unfortunately This morning I am having second thoughts, and I hope you can forgive me, but I don’t think I’m actually interested. I know this is a shit thing to do after the time we had, but I need to be true to myself. And the truth of the matter is, I don’t feel like you’re the right one for me. So sorry again.”


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## BountifulBabs (Jun 12, 2018)

Fat Molly said:


> For one reason or another, apparently all the BHM folk that I encounter dispose of me like yesterday’s garbage. This weekend, I was victim to someone I connected with here on dims Who seriously seems to check off every possible criteria that I would have an a partner. And yet here I am again, burned and licking my wounds. Is this what I get for being sexually confident and assertive? For knowing what I want, and for going out and not being afraid to get it? Why are the men I encounter so spineless And cowardly?
> 
> Gentlemen, don’t ghost on people even if you’re not into them. Here is a quick cut and paste thing you can use to break up with the girl you had a one night stand with even though you asked her constantly, “are you real,” telling her that you can’t stop smiling because you’re so excited, And Telling her when she describes her past relationships that you would be different.
> 
> “Hey there, such a great night, I really enjoyed myself, unfortunately This morning I am having second thoughts, and I hope you can forgive me, but I don’t think I’m actually interested. I know this is a shit thing to do after the time we had, but I need to be true to myself. And the truth of the matter is, I don’t feel like you’re the right one for me. So sorry again.”



I'm sorry that happened to you. I've been there and it's a terrible feeling, especially when it feels like there's chemistry and the other party seems like they're into you too. I do like your text idea. Nice, sweet, honest, and short - no ghosting needed.


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## Fat Molly (Jun 12, 2018)

Yeah. I am of the opinion that people ghost because they don’t know how to break things off otherwise....

I don’t have a clue why else people would do such a thing. It must be ignorance. Right?

So here I am doing some free emotional labor for all y’all. You’re welcome. 

If this person dares to post again on this forum with another “woe is me no girls are attracted to me” type post I may out them. I may not. I’m not sure. If they come to me with hospital paperwork saying they had some kind of medical emergency I might forgive them. Barring that? This is over.


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## BigElectricKat (Jun 12, 2018)

Fat Molly said:


> For one reason or another, apparently all the BHM folk that I encounter dispose of me like yesterday’s garbage. This weekend, I was victim to someone I connected with here on dims Who seriously seems to check off every possible criteria that I would have an a partner. And yet here I am again, burned and licking my wounds. Is this what I get for being sexually confident and assertive? For knowing what I want, and for going out and not being afraid to get it? Why are the men I encounter so spineless And cowardly?
> 
> Gentlemen, don’t ghost on people even if you’re not into them. Here is a quick cut and paste thing you can use to break up with the girl you had a one night stand with even though you asked her constantly, “are you real,” telling her that you can’t stop smiling because you’re so excited, And Telling her when she describes her past relationships that you would be different.
> 
> “Hey there, such a great night, I really enjoyed myself, unfortunately This morning I am having second thoughts, and I hope you can forgive me, but I don’t think I’m actually interested. I know this is a shit thing to do after the time we had, but I need to be true to myself. And the truth of the matter is, I don’t feel like you’re the right one for me. So sorry again.”


I'm going to stand o my soapbox here for about 45 seconds: You should NEVER, EVER feel punished nor apologetic for being the person you are. As God is my witness, these clowns that do not value you for ALL that you bring to a possible relationship are the ones missing out. (off the soapbox now) Now, in any game, you have to take your chances, take risks to win the game. And the game of life is no different. That being said, don't let these experiences sour you or make you stop living your life on your terms. Like I've said before, that passion thing? PRICELESS!


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## Fat Molly (Jun 12, 2018)

Thank you Kat it is very kind of you ^.^


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## Tad (Jun 12, 2018)

I don't get guys, I really don't. I'm sure I've been foolish and blind at times too, not saying I'm better than others, but I look around at some of my friends, and hear so many stories like this, and I just don't get it. What can have they been thinking? Why do they not see the incredible opportunity available to them?


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## BigElectricKat (Jun 12, 2018)

Tad said:


> I don't get guys, I really don't. I'm sure I've been foolish and blind at times too, not saying I'm better than others, but I look around at some of my friends, and hear so many stories like this, and I just don't get it. What can have they been thinking? Why do they not see the incredible opportunity available to them?


Rest assured; it's not limited to the guys.


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## squeezablysoft (Jun 12, 2018)

I'm sorry you got hurt *hugs*. The truth is, ppl have a hundred different reasons for ghosting, most of which don't have anything to do with the person on the receiving end of it, and almost none of which are actually good reasons. I've been guilty of it too tbh, partly the whole "guy gives off creepy vibes and/or I'm just not clicking with him, so I don't want to encourage him but also I don't want to be rude so I'll just not say anything and hope he gives up on me" thing that a lot of women do nowadays. But I also just have times when I don't have the energy/motivation to really talk to anybody about anything, irl or online, I think I'm depressed but I haven't been diagnosed as such yet. I'm not as active here on Dims as I'd otherwise like to be for that reason also. Anyway I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make your thing about me, just pointing out sometimes ppl can have their own personal problems and reasons for ghosting and while that doesn't excuse the behavior it is good to keep in mind that cliche as it sounds, sometimes "Its not you, it's me" is actually the truth whether they say it or not. But I also know when you get treated badly repeatedly it gets increasingly hard not to take it personally.


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## dwesterny (Jun 12, 2018)

Sorry to hear this Molly. Being ghosted after hooking up in person is remarkably sleazy of them. Ghosting after only a few days online chatting is the norm and I've both had it done to me and done it when I felt decieved. But once you've reached a certain point ghosting is just cowardly. I was recently ghosted by someone who I had a date set either and everything. She came back with what sounded like a valid excuse but then ghosted again. I've been ghosted after a date had been set a couple times actually and and ghosted after spending hours a day texting the person for weeks and months. I think a lot of people don't see the people they talk to online as real beings with feelings and such. So it goes.

But what was done to you was just a total different level of absolute horrid behavior. I hope this dude gets stung on the dick by a wasp.


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## Fat Molly (Jun 12, 2018)

I mean to be clear, this was phone sex, not in person, but it felt real enough. 

Thank you for the sympathy. I feel quite sad about the whole damn thing. 



dwesterny said:


> Sorry to hear this Molly. Being ghosted after hooking up in person is remarkably sleazy of them. Ghosting after only a few days online chatting is the norm and I've both had it done to me and done it when I felt decieved. But once you've reached a certain point ghosting is just cowardly. I was recently ghosted by someone who I had a date set either and everything. She came back with what sounded like a valid excuse but then ghosted again. I've been ghosted after a date had been set a couple times actually and and ghosted after spending hours a day texting the person for weeks and months. I think a lot of people down see the people they talk to online as real beings with feelings and such. So it goes.
> 
> But what was done to you was just a total different level of absolute horrid behavior. I hope this dude gets stung on the dick by a wasp.


lear


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## Fat Molly (Jun 12, 2018)

squeezablysoft said:


> I'm sorry you got hurt *hugs*. The truth is, ppl have a hundred different reasons for ghosting, most of which don't have anything to do with the person on the receiving end of it, and almost none of which are actually good reasons. I've been guilty of it too tbh, partly the whole "guy gives off creepy vibes and/or I'm just not clicking with him, so I don't want to encourage him but also I don't want to be rude so I'll just not say anything and hope he gives up on me" thing that a lot of women do nowadays. But I also just have times when I don't have the energy/motivation to really talk to anybody about anything, irl or online, I think I'm depressed but I haven't been diagnosed as such yet. I'm not as active here on Dims as I'd otherwise like to be for that reason also. Anyway I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make your thing about me, just pointing out sometimes ppl can have their own personal problems and reasons for ghosting and while that doesn't excuse the behavior it is good to keep in mind that cliche as it sounds, sometimes "Its not you, it's me" is actually the truth whether they say it or not. But I also know when you get treated badly repeatedly it gets increasingly hard not to take it personally.


Thank you for the sympathy. I just wish this didn’t feel so personal. It does though.


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## Fat Molly (Jun 12, 2018)

Tad said:


> I don't get guys, I really don't. I'm sure I've been foolish and blind at times too, not saying I'm better than others, but I look around at some of my friends, and hear so many stories like this, and I just don't get it. What can have they been thinking? Why do they not see the incredible opportunity available to them?


 same thoughts. I just don’t get it. Like if there was something awkward or bad then like, ok.... but this was Green Lights Go!


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## AmyJo1976 (Jun 12, 2018)

I've had this explained to me before by men. Basically, they don't want to hurt us, so they think that not saying anything at all is better than telling you straight out and being honest, which it's not. I don't understand that line of thinking, but it's been explained to me like that more than once. I think most of them are just terrified to confront the issue IMO.


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## LeoGibson (Jun 12, 2018)

I’ve heard that explanation too Amy by many a guy. It’s total cowardly B.S. To my way of thinking it’s little boys that refuse to grow up and actually use the stones they were born with. If you’re ever with a man, that won’t happen Molly.


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## LifelongFA (Jun 12, 2018)

Not excusing anyone's poor behavior here. I do think, however, that any connection that doesn't reach the face-to-face level within a few weeks is at risk for a bad ending. Not true in all cases, but I think the relationship becomes more "real" at that point. Just my experience.


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## Colonial Warrior (Jun 12, 2018)

I'm so sorry for you, Molly!!! 

Sometimes, we (regardless of fat or thin) commit the biggest mistake : beiliving in love at first sight. It doesn't exist. It's only an attraction we confused with love. If I will get a dollar for every time it happened to me I will be rich. 

My best advice to all: Friends first. Time to knew someone online and offline too. It will help both to see if that person is the one that loves you for real!!!


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## Colonial Warrior (Jun 12, 2018)

I have found this article! It's a guide to SSBBW long distance relationships. I have found it very useful and my best wishes it can help you and anyone who could read it. Again, my best wishes for you, Molly!!!

https://medium.com/@ssbbwdating/is-...t-relationship-with-ssbbw-singles-7ce227fdedd


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## dwesterny (Jun 13, 2018)

This is not a gender specific issue. Women ghost too. If anything I think it's a product of the social media age. People develop these online personas where they present themselves as sexually (and in general) bold risk takers. It's something everyone does to an extent, present their idealized version of themselves but then when they try to act on it they lose their courage. Millennials actually have less sex than previous generations, everyone is surprised when they learn that fact because they all present themselves differently than they act.
http://www.latimes.com/opinion/opinion-la/la-ol-millennials-less-sex-20160802-snap-story.html


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## LeoGibson (Jun 13, 2018)

That makes a lot of sense to me Dwes. I think people online can be their idealized self behind their computer screen, but when it gets real they get scared witless because they can’t fake it IRL. 

However, and this may be because I’m older and have an old school mentality, but this strikes me as childish behavior. Just be a man or a woman and be yourself. Do things the honorable way and then you won’t do childish things.


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## BigElectricKat (Jun 13, 2018)

You are right, it's because we're older and were raised in a different time that irresponsible at best. But younger generations are raised with different values altogether. Plus communication with someone through this type of medium lends itself to shysters, hucksters, and con artists. (do I sound like I got ghosted recently?) But seriously, you make a good point about how people can't really deal IRL and as such just disappear online. Back before there was an internet, you had a hard time doing that for real.


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## LifelongFA (Jun 13, 2018)

One more thought - always make sure you know the person you are getting to know is who they say they are (ie: real name, location, age, living situation, workplace, etc). Don't wait a long time before validating. When I failed to do so, I always found out there was something wrong and usually very wrong.


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## Fat Molly (Jun 14, 2018)

Feeling a lot better now. This is pretty out of character for me. I blame hormones? I’ve been a little wacky past few days but now better. Resentful of bullshit people but much better.


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## BigElectricKat (Jun 14, 2018)

Fat Molly said:


> Feeling a lot better now. This is pretty out of character for me. I blame hormones? I’ve been a little wacky past few days but now better. Resentful of bullshit people but much better.


No worries. Everybody has those times where they just feel so vulnerable. Even superheroes like you!


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