# The BBW Call-In Show: FAs ask your questions



## rainyday (Aug 23, 2009)

Is there a question you've always wanted to ask a BBW or SSBBW but for whatever reason have never gotten around to it?

*Show rules
*
1. Post your question.

2. Unless asked to clarify, please don't respond to the answer, just listen. Pretend you're calling a radio host and will take your answer "off the air."

3. If you're a BBW or SSBBW (only), feel free to answer.


I don't know if it's kosher for me to post an FA version of this thread over on the FA board. If an FA wants to do it, feel free. 

Also, if anyone has a question they're embarrassed to ask publicly, you can PM me and I'll post it for you anonymously as long as it's not offensive or derogatory.


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## StarWitness (Aug 23, 2009)

Oooh, wonderful thread idea! I'll start a FA version in the appropriate forum, since I'm a half-breed.


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## olwen (Aug 24, 2009)

This actually is a good idea. 

I just want to reiterate that non-bbws should ask questions, but that responses to questions from non-bbws will be removed. 

That said, carry on. 

/mod


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## rainyday (Aug 24, 2009)

StarWitness said:


> Oooh, wonderful thread idea! I'll start a FA version in the appropriate forum, since I'm a half-breed.



Thanks, Star. And thanks for including a link.


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## rainyday (Aug 24, 2009)

Yay! We have a starter question, this one sent in anonymously. Thanks questioner for breaking the ice.



> The other night, I went out to a social event and it was a typical August night: humid, hot, steamy. By the time I got to the event, I was sweaty. The event had hard plastic chairs to sit on. Sitting in the chair, I could feel my whole back side was damp. So, I knew I was making wet marks on the chair.
> 
> Do other BBWs get this, and how do you prevent it? It is so embarrassing to get up from the chair and see the damp lines that outline the crack of your ass and the contours of your ass on the chair, and wonder if everyone else thinks you've peed your pants. Also, who wants to be the 'fat sweaty girl' anyway?
> 
> I hope I'm not the only one with this problem. Other than wearing a diaper during the summer, how else does one keep from sweating in their nether regions when it is hot?


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## OneHauteMama (Aug 24, 2009)

The only thing I can think of is what I do in the summer for my apron...good 'ol run-of-the-mill deodorant/anti-perspirant under the rolls (even in the nether regions). It helps a LOT.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 24, 2009)

I get this on the subway sometimes. My quick solution is slide forward a bit of the way on the seat before getting up. Seems the fabric on the seat of my pants/skirt takes up most of the moisture and what it doesn't catch usually evaporates quickly. Also it helps seeing that everybody else on the subway leaves their mark as well regardless of size though we all know people tend to give the noodle eye to the sweaty fat girl anyway.


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## shinyapple (Aug 24, 2009)

When I moved to SoCal, some friends gave me the advice to powder myself. After my morning shower, I would use Gold Bond Ultimate Comfort powder, which was supposed to be designed to prevent chafing and odor. I'd hit the places my skin touched (rolls, under the breasts, seams of the leg, the apron, etc.) and would usually feel better than expected by the time the serious heat rolled in that afternoon.

I loved this stuff since it didn't have the yucky medicinal smell of regular Gold Bond nor the powdery smell of some body powders. It seemed to be designed for this purpose, actually, and I still keep a bottle just in case.


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## mszwebs (Aug 24, 2009)

> The other night, I went out to a social event and it was a typical August night: humid, hot, steamy. By the time I got to the event, I was sweaty. The event had hard plastic chairs to sit on. Sitting in the chair, I could feel my whole back side was damp. So, I knew I was making wet marks on the chair.
> 
> Do other BBWs get this, and how do you prevent it? It is so embarrassing to get up from the chair and see the damp lines that outline the crack of your ass and the contours of your ass on the chair, and wonder if everyone else thinks you've peed your pants. Also, who wants to be the 'fat sweaty girl' anyway?
> 
> I hope I'm not the only one with this problem. Other than wearing a diaper during the summer, how else does one keep from sweating in their nether regions when it is hot?



This happens to me ALL THE TIME. Lilly's trick of scooching forward to try and wipe it at with the material in your pants works well.

The problem I run into is when I sit on cement. Sometimes I'll sit out on the back steps at work for like... an hour at a crack (though this happens in MUCH shorter spans of time) and if I'm wearing polyester pants or even jeans on occasion, I leave the spot. You can not wipe up cement lol.

However...I find that if I'm getting ready to get up soon, I'll schooch forward and switch positions so that I change the air flow (acrobatics, I tell ya!) and hopefully it starts to dry on its own. And I don't care how unladylike it is...My thighs don't sit nice and pretty and together, I'm not exactly sitting with my legs totally closed anyway, so I'm all about the air flow lol.

I have also been known to put my foot on the step and cover it up until it evaporates, looking all casual while on the inside I'm like "I hope to GOD no one is looking."

The only time it REALLY sucks is when everyone is on break and someone wants to sit there as I'm getting up. At that point, all I can do is pray lol.


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## olwen (Aug 24, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> I get this on the subway sometimes. My quick solution is slide forward a bit of the way on the seat before getting up. Seems the fabric on the seat of my pants/skirt takes up most of the moisture and what it doesn't catch usually evaporates quickly. Also it helps seeing that everybody else on the subway leaves their mark as well regardless of size though we all know people tend to give the noodle eye to the sweaty fat girl anyway.



Ding ding ding! I do the same exact same thing on the subway. I always do a seat check when I get up too.


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## msbard90 (Aug 24, 2009)

As a precaution, I like to put on powder before I go out, especially on my behind. It helps absorb some of the sweat.


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## Emma (Aug 25, 2009)

lol I don't know if this is the idea of the tread? lol Isn't it supposed to be about FA asking questoin? Not a bbw asking a question and us replying to that? lol


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## msbard90 (Aug 25, 2009)

CurvyEm said:


> lol I don't know if this is the idea of the tread? lol Isn't it supposed to be about FA asking questoin? Not a bbw asking a question and us replying to that? lol



well the OP brought up the question, so I guess it's fair game


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## Spanky (Aug 25, 2009)

I thought of this question today while noticing a nicely dressed BBW walking by. 

Clothes. Everybody has different shaped bodies no matter what your size. BBWs have larger sizes and thus larger differences. If/when you find a rack of jeans or slacks or something more fitted, how do you deal with your "non rack" shape. Do different jean manufacturers style in a way that maybe matches your shape? Does the same size accommodate different shapes? Do you tailor stuff to fit? I mean even a plus sized shop would need to cater from the wides pear through hourglasses to the most appley apple. 

Somehow, though, from the observing perspective, BBWs seem to find clothes that fit, and sometimes fit very nicely. 

- Spanky

edited: Understand that my perspective is as a 33" waist, walk up and get the right style pants or jeans, try on, go up or down a size based on mfg differences and head to the register. Just looking to understand how a BBW has to approach this problem.


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## StarWitness (Aug 25, 2009)

Spanky said:


> If/when you find a rack of jeans or slacks or something more fitted, how do you deal with your "non rack" shape. Do different jean manufacturers style in a way that maybe matches your shape? Does the same size accommodate different shapes? Do you tailor stuff to fit?



Oh Spanky. The issue you've brought up is the bane of my existence. (And I went clothes shopping yesterday, so my grievances are still fresh!)

Some manufacturers realize on occasion that women are built differently-- Lane Bryant redid their core jeans collection to reflect three different body shapes, and I'm glad for it, because the new ones fit me a hell of a lot better. However, I still have a lot of problems finding cute clothing, especially because a lot of the tops I try on are made for women with bigger breasts than mine-- so either they (a) don't fit right, or (b) are designed to minimize the appearance of one's bust, which is the exact opposite of what I want! The basic things seem to fit me best-- items that are simple and less structured. As a result, most of my wardrobe is somewhat plain; or, if I want to put a positive spin on it, classic and minimalist.

I guess my approach is to be adventurous with what I try on-- I take great big armloads into the fitting room-- and try my best to be patient with the designers.


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## rainyday (Aug 25, 2009)

CurvyEm said:


> lol I don't know if this is the idea of the tread? lol Isn't it supposed to be about FA asking questoin? Not a bbw asking a question and us replying to that? lol



I hadn't anticipated BBW-to-BBW questions until we got one, but now that we have, sure, why not? Let's go with it.


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## MsGreenLantern (Aug 25, 2009)

Spanky said:


> I thought of this question today while noticing a nicely dressed BBW walking by. ....
> 
> Somehow, though, from the observing perspective, BBWs seem to find clothes that fit, and sometimes fit very nicely.



Well... I think at this point we can all go off in our own directions of "how to". Like you said, we're all quite different shaped, and more generously so than the skinny ladies generally. My personal horror is being barely 5'4 and fat. For some reason designers believe that fat women all love 'tunic' length shirts, and that we're 5'7 and above. This problem basically leaves me swimming in shirts. They look like dresses, and capri pants generally go well below my knee. Petites are too short. What's a girl to do? My belly on the other hand in a very obvious double, cut squarely at the waist. That means I have to scour the stores for shirts and pants that minimize the fact that my body is very much separated into two distinct chubby parts.

Everyone learns tricks to minimize what we dislike, and maximize the good. Also, there are a lot of websites that do custom work if you can pay for it. My formal-wear is basically always altered by a seamstress. There are some occasions I refuse to 'settle' for.


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## olwen (Aug 25, 2009)

Spanky said:


> I thought of this question today while noticing a nicely dressed BBW walking by.
> 
> Clothes. Everybody has different shaped bodies no matter what your size. BBWs have larger sizes and thus larger differences. If/when you find a rack of jeans or slacks or something more fitted, how do you deal with your "non rack" shape. Do different jean manufacturers style in a way that maybe matches your shape? Does the same size accommodate different shapes? Do you tailor stuff to fit? I mean even a plus sized shop would need to cater from the wides pear through hourglasses to the most appley apple.
> 
> ...



Learn how to sew, or at the very least learn how to hem things and let things out. 

Since I'm learning to do that I have less anxiety about shopping. I just have to try everything on and if something is too long, too tight, too loose I can make adjustments myself. Also as for jeans, there aren't too many choices for brands, (I know of two or three), so I just choose between what's available to me. The most important thing about jeans for me is that they are not too tight in the waist.


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## zanza (Aug 25, 2009)

This does seems really interesting as well as insightful, so I suppose I post a quandary for the "plus-size lovelies" of Dim's.

I guess consider myself an art dork without a real "muse". I have been finding myself wondering if I should allow my interest and preferences in terms of the female form become the thing that drives my work or not. I suppose I have been unsure what to do in terms of pursuing it. I feel like I have areas I need to work on as well as wanting to get back into life drawing again.

Any who I guess I will move on to my questions.

1.) How do you feel if/when asked to model for something?

2.) What might be a good approach when asking?

3.) I guess what are your general views to being the subject or reference to someone's creative endeavors?

(well these are the only one I could think of for the moment, is cool to add more later as they come to me or is this a one time deal?)


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 25, 2009)

Spanky said:


> I thought of this question today while noticing a nicely dressed BBW walking by.
> 
> Clothes. Everybody has different shaped bodies no matter what your size. BBWs have larger sizes and thus larger differences. If/when you find a rack of jeans or slacks or something more fitted, how do you deal with your "non rack" shape. Do different jean manufacturers style in a way that maybe matches your shape? Does the same size accommodate different shapes? Do you tailor stuff to fit? I mean even a plus sized shop would need to cater from the wides pear through hourglasses to the most appley apple.
> 
> ...



This "little" apple....doesn't like jeans. At a smaller size, I like them with stretchy waist bands....read those are made for people bigger in the middle, IMO.
I wear a lot of skirts and dresses- with easy waists....that are big and don't cinch up at the waist as badly. This also hides some of my belly.


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## comaseason (Aug 25, 2009)

Spanky said:


> I thought of this question today while noticing a nicely dressed BBW walking by.
> 
> Clothes. Everybody has different shaped bodies no matter what your size. BBWs have larger sizes and thus larger differences. If/when you find a rack of jeans or slacks or something more fitted, how do you deal with your "non rack" shape. Do different jean manufacturers style in a way that maybe matches your shape? Does the same size accommodate different shapes? Do you tailor stuff to fit? I mean even a plus sized shop would need to cater from the wides pear through hourglasses to the most appley apple.
> 
> snip...



Finding jeans/pants has always been the bane of my existence. I am 5'3 so I'm pretty short, most average length stuff doesn't fit me well at all. There's pretty much only one type of cut I can buy without spending a fortune to get everything so altered that I might as well have had them custom made.

I don't sew so I roll up my pants. I have a problem with the way stuff fits me around the waist pretty much all the time. I have a big booty and thighs which usually cause me to have to go a size higher than what actually fits around my waist. So I'm constantly struggling to keep my pants up <insert clever joke in poor taste here>.

I also have the same problem that StarW talked about where I can't fill out a top properly, my belly always necessitates me wearing a size bigger than my top half can fit into.

I just deal. It's not too bad. I don't really know any different because I've always been short and stocky regardless of how fat I was - so you just cope with it.

Or go around naked. One of the two.


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## msbard90 (Aug 26, 2009)

Spanky said:


> I thought of this question today while noticing a nicely dressed BBW walking by.
> 
> Clothes. Everybody has different shaped bodies no matter what your size. BBWs have larger sizes and thus larger differences. If/when you find a rack of jeans or slacks or something more fitted, how do you deal with your "non rack" shape. Do different jean manufacturers style in a way that maybe matches your shape? Does the same size accommodate different shapes? Do you tailor stuff to fit? I mean even a plus sized shop would need to cater from the wides pear through hourglasses to the most appley apple.
> 
> ...



Spanky,

To be honest, with women's jeans in general, all the sizes are skewed based on the manufacturers preference. For us, we have general numbers like 18, 22, etc, which really have no meaning. I own some pants that are huge on me that are a size 20, but I also own a size 24-26 that I can barely get my thighs into. Not only that, but there are also issues regarding the shape of the pants. Not all pants are flattering for everyone, no matter the size. I remember being a size 2 a few years ago, and I couldn't ever find pants that made my butt look decent (yes those are deciding factors for us women :happy: ). As some other people mentioned, stores like lane bryant and fashion bug have started making pants to fit an apple shape, an hour glass shape, and a pear shape. They also make all of those in petite, regular, and tall. The only thing with that is they also changed the sizes from 0-8, where 0 is like a size 12, and 8 is like a 28. It is harder to find a great fitting pair of pants for a woman because there are so many different styles, and the sizes aren't universal in any sense of the term. But with a little patience, we do find great pairs. And with women at any size, there are always going to be that great pair of jeans that are just a little too long or too short, and that's why we go to the tailor, or do it ourselves with the sewing machine, or hell, sometimes I'll just pin it up if I have to go somewhere quickly. 

But, Spanky, it's not just pants for us. Shirts and dresses can be quite a pain too. A lot of plus size clothing makers make their shirts WAAAYAYAYAYAYYYY tooo short, and it leaves your belly hanging out underneath, or they will use an unforgiving fabric, which your boobs stretch out the shirt, or they cling to your rolls. I mean, those might be things an FA likes to see, but us BBW certainly wouldn't go to work with our bellies out of our shirts, and our boobs bursting the buttons of our shirts lol! And with dresses, there are similar issues. Like for me, I fit into a 22 dress size usually, but the boob space is much too large for me. They expect a person with size 22 hips to have DDD or larger boobs. (sorry a regular ol C doesn't suffice...  ) So, that's when you have to either tailor the straps, or sew a little up on the chest area... 

The main idea however, is that women's clothing is made like crap. There are no standards for manufacturers to follow, and women tend to all be shaped rather differently- No matter the size. But once we find a place that makes a great pair of pants, or has good shirts/dresses, etc... we tend to shop exclusively there. But I'm sure guys like a certain fit too.

Hope that helped. I know it was a long explanation 

love,
melissa


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## msbard90 (Aug 26, 2009)

zanza said:


> This does seems really interesting as well as insightful, so I suppose I post a quandary for the "plus-size lovelies" of Dim's.
> 
> I guess consider myself an art dork without a real "muse". I have been finding myself wondering if I should allow my interest and preferences in terms of the female form become the thing that drives my work or not. I suppose I have been unsure what to do in terms of pursuing it. I feel like I have areas I need to work on as well as wanting to get back into life drawing again.
> 
> ...



First off, of course you can add more questions later 

1.) It honestly depends on who is asking me to model. I prefer reputable services, or sites, and usually if asked by a woman, I am more comfortable. Not gonna lie, if a man I have never heard of, who doesn't have any references asks me to model for him, I know he just wants ass. I am not stupid  . But modeling, yes. I love to model. But it has to be from the right person, and completely on my terms.

2.)Well, start off modeling people you know, who won't be creeped out. If you have some photography experience- that would be great to mention. Don't hit on the girl, like "hey sexy, i luv ur pix that booty is so juicy can u model 4 me, hit me up girl"... (that's raunchy lol). Be professional, build up a clientele (even if it is small), and make sure you are very open and honest about what you wish to do. 

3.)I don't mind being the subject of someone's photography. However, I know that a lot of women, as well as myself, are unwilling to be some stranger's muse. (Some may be, I don't know, honestly...). Get to know the people you wish to photograph first. Perhaps, meet them at a BBW bash, so they are more comfortable meeting you. Personally, one on one encounters with complete strangers are a HUGE NOOOOOO with me.

hope this helped!
love,
melissa


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## Tad (Aug 26, 2009)

How do you feel about non-BBW giving rep for posts on this board? We aren't supposed to be posting, for the most part, but is rep OK? Or is that still potentially seen as trying to influence or approve the discussion?


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## msbard90 (Aug 26, 2009)

Tad said:


> How do you feel about non-BBW giving rep for posts on this board? We aren't supposed to be posting, for the most part, but is rep OK? Or is that still potentially seen as trying to influence or approve the discussion?



Tad,

(lol i'm loving this replying thing if you couldn't tell)... If a bbw's answer helped you out because you felt it may have answered a question you had, why not Rep it? FA's are also more than welcome allowed to post their questions on this thread, because that's what it was here for. BTW, if we make a menstruation thread, stay off of it lol haha

love,
melissa


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## Tad (Aug 26, 2009)

Msbard, just to be clearer; I was referring to the broader board, not this specific thread.


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## mszwebs (Aug 26, 2009)

Tad said:


> How do you feel about non-BBW giving rep for posts on this board? We aren't supposed to be posting, for the most part, but is rep OK? Or is that still potentially seen as trying to influence or approve the discussion?



Honestly Tad, I never even thought about it.

If a non-BBW agrees with my post, they can rep it if they want to. I'm pretty sure I've rep'd people on the F/FA board before...again, not thinking about it. Its a post.

Not all Thoughts and ideas are not gender/orientation/preference specific.


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## msbard90 (Aug 26, 2009)

tad
yeah, why not? I'm sure no one would scream at you and demand the rep be taken back lol


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## rainyday (Aug 26, 2009)

zanza said:


> (well these are the only one I could think of for the moment, is cool to add more later as they come to me or is this a one time deal?)



It's okay to add additional questions. The idea is just to not engage in discussion after asking but rather to just listen and learn from the responses you get.


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## rainyday (Aug 26, 2009)

Tad said:


> How do you feel about non-BBW giving rep for posts on this board? We aren't supposed to be posting, for the most part, but is rep OK? Or is that still potentially seen as trying to influence or approve the discussion?



I agree, why not. Who doesn't like reading positive comments? I actually wish I could just read the comments and not get rep points, because the higher your total the less often you're able to spread rep around, or so I was told. But yeah, it seems like a positive way to lend support without intruding, so why not.


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## rainyday (Aug 26, 2009)

Spanky said:


> If/when you find a rack of jeans or slacks or something more fitted, how do you deal with your "non rack" shape. Do different jean manufacturers style in a way that maybe matches your shape? Does the same size accommodate different shapes? Do you tailor stuff to fit? I mean even a plus sized shop would need to cater from the wides pear through hourglasses to the most appley apple.



Haven't read the other answers yet, but my short answer would be shop hard, send back a lot of returns, and when you find something that actually works, buy five of it. 

Being able to sew helps, especially taking in waist bands when they're too large.


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## Scorsese86 (Aug 26, 2009)

I have a question! When an FA like me writes in a thread, like the one where women posts pic of their cleavage, or something like that, what do you concider a good answer, and what is not a good answer. I mean, I always have doubts about posting in threads like that, because I want to tell the girls, yes, that was hot, but I don't want to sound like a perv or anything.
Oh my, I think I have already messed this up.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 26, 2009)

Scorsese86 said:


> I have a question! When an FA like me writes in a thread, like the one where women posts pic of their cleavage, or something like that, what do you concider a good answer, and what is not a good answer. I mean, I always have doubts about posting in threads like that, because I want to tell the girls, yes, that was hot, but I don't want to sound like a perv or anything.
> Oh my, I think I have already messed this up.



Rep her. Tell her you think the picture is beautiful and thanks for posting or whatever. Seriously, you can't go wrong with Rep and you avoid cat calls from disinterested onlookers.


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## msbard90 (Aug 26, 2009)

Scorsese86 said:


> I have a question! When an FA like me writes in a thread, like the one where women posts pic of their cleavage, or something like that, what do you concider a good answer, and what is not a good answer. I mean, I always have doubts about posting in threads like that, because I want to tell the girls, yes, that was hot, but I don't want to sound like a perv or anything.
> Oh my, I think I have already messed this up.



Well, if a girl is posting cleavage in the cleavage thread or whatnot, I'm sure that she expected and anticipated comments from people. It is appropriate to tell the girl she looks good, and it is inappropriate to tell her that you wished you could do nasty things to her, etc... But if you are really skeptical, like lilly said, rep them. If you know what you are going to say is over the line, then maybe it should stay in your head. I once had a D.A.R.E. officer, back in 5th grade who gave me some of the best advice- "If something you want to say just sounds too good in your head, you probably shouldn't say it".


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## UMBROBOYUM (Aug 26, 2009)

What does romance mean to you?


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 26, 2009)

Spanky said:


> I thought of this question today while noticing a nicely dressed BBW walking by.
> 
> Clothes. Everybody has different shaped bodies no matter what your size. BBWs have larger sizes and thus larger differences. If/when you find a rack of jeans or slacks or something more fitted, how do you deal with your "non rack" shape. Do different jean manufacturers style in a way that maybe matches your shape? Does the same size accommodate different shapes? Do you tailor stuff to fit? I mean even a plus sized shop would need to cater from the wides pear through hourglasses to the most appley apple.
> 
> ...



Not all plus size clothes are made equal.. I think some brands tend to cater towards certain shapes, not necessarily on purpose or anything; I just think it happens that way. As an example, I find LB pants/jeans to be better for girls who are evenly proportioned. The jeans don't seem to be very apple friendly (jmo!) Also, lots of brands have many "styles" of clothes so I find that some clothes at a store will work and others won't. Another example, Old Navy sells varying styles of jeans based on the 'rise' of the jean (how far it comes up.) I tend to get classic rise or low rise (as opposed to something ultra low or really high) because I think it provides enough belly coverage but also is comfortable enough because it doesn't come up too high. Generally, I tend to stick with brands that I know have worked well for me in the past. It's all trial and error though. I do also tailor on occasion, but generally only formal-wear when it's super important it fits perfectly. 



Tad said:


> How do you feel about non-BBW giving rep for posts on this board? We aren't supposed to be posting, for the most part, but is rep OK? Or is that still potentially seen as trying to influence or approve the discussion?



I think that's fine! 



Scorsese86 said:


> I have a question! When an FA like me writes in a thread, like the one where women posts pic of their cleavage, or something like that, what do you concider a good answer, and what is not a good answer. I mean, I always have doubts about posting in threads like that, because I want to tell the girls, yes, that was hot, but I don't want to sound like a perv or anything.
> Oh my, I think I have already messed this up.



If the girl is posting a picture, then she's probably looking for those sort of responses anyway.. and if she isn't, she should at least be anticipating them so in that case, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that she looks good!


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 26, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> What does romance mean to you?



To me, romance is about two main things: being sincere and being personal.

I tend to consider little things romantic.. like, sending me a youtube video of a song you think I'd like or texting me after I finish a big test at school asking me how it went, because these are things that show that 1. you're listening to me when I talk about what I like and what's going on in my life and 2. you care enough about me to remember those things. I love it when my boyfriend mentions something I told him about when we first met because to me it shows that he was genuinely interested in getting to know me. I'm not saying that he needs to remember every single thing I've ever told him about myself or anything, but remembering the big things is important and it's nice when he remembers little things too. I guess all of this falls under being personal.. truly getting to know me is the key to my heart.

I do love typical romantic things too.. but only if they're sincere. Saying I love you at the right moment can be romantic, and so so so cute but if you don't mean it, then it means nothing to me. Also, to tie this in to what I said before.. if you're remembering those little things or asking me about my day or whatever only because you feel a sense of obligation to do so.. it's no longer romantic.. I want to feel like you really want to know those things about me, and like you really care how my day went.. not that you're doing it to make me happy. 

I think the biggest mistake a guy can make in his quest to be romantic is to do the typical things because he thinks all girls like them. Not every single girl wants roses and chocolates and a teddy bear. Some girls don't. I mean, I personally do love those things.. really.. but getting me pink flowers as opposed to red roses because you know I love pink or getting me my favorite kind of candy instead of expensive Godiva chocolates really means so much more to me. Also, it's all about timing .. if for every single holiday or anniversary or whatever you get her the typical box of chocolates and flowers or you bring her to the typical fancy resturant, it loses it's sincerity because it's like, use your brain.. think about what she's told you she likes.. get to know her.. think outside of what you've seen in every romantic comedy. I personally can enjoy the cliche romantic things on occasion but would get sick of it if that was all there ever was to our romance.. like I said, it loses its sincerity to me. 

The key to all of this though, is that this is how I personally feel about it. Every girl is different.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 26, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> What does romance mean to you?



To me romance involves any act that is a demonstration of the value one person holds to another. It can be a very simple gesture or grand, but it in some way it has to say, "I value your presence in my life." Hanging out and watching bad 70's cop shows all afternoon is romantic to me.


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## butch (Aug 26, 2009)

For Tad and all the other FAs,

You're free to post on the BBW Forum as long as you're not speaking 'for' the BBWs (ie, don't post your experiences on a particular thread that only wants BBW experiences), you're critiquing the BBWs (or women in general), or you're objectifying/sexualizing women. Otherwise, you should feel comfortable reading, posting, and repping in the BBW Forum.

There may be exemptions to this general rule, but that seems like a useful guideline.

Your friendly neighborhood mod,
Butch


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## comaseason (Aug 26, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> What does romance mean to you?



I'll admit that romance is somewhat of a foreign concept to me, as I've dated in the past very socially backward, non-emotional, analytical sorts - some that even held the slightest bit of emotional expression (especially those deemed romantic cliches) in utter contempt. So most of my experience is purely observational in nature.

I think I've always thought that anything where one partner is genuinely showing care for another is romantic. Whether it was a friend's boyfriend taking her to the dentist and holding her hand because she was afraid of the dentist or my friend's girlfriend making my friend's favorite dinner (after her long day at work) because she wanted to make her happy.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Aug 26, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> This "little" apple....doesn't like jeans. At a smaller size, I like them with stretchy waist bands....read those are made for people bigger in the middle, IMO.
> I wear a lot of skirts and dresses- with easy waists....that are big and don't cinch up at the waist as badly. This also hides some of my belly.



My saving grace being an apple wearing jeans is the fact my butt sticks out..If not they would be big from my waist to my ankles...I have never worn jeans with stretchy waist bands but I am thinking I might need to try a pair and see how it goes..

Now to answer Spanky's question..I try to buy at least 2 to 3 pair of the jeans just in case they stop making them..I have more problems finding shirts that fit then anything...I rant and rave about manufacturers that put darts into the body of their shirts..I want a shirt that fits in the shoulders and chest area and fits in the stomach area as well..The last 4 shirts I have bought I have had to take out the darts in the shirt for it to cover my stomach.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Aug 26, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> What does romance mean to you?



Someone to take care of me when I am sick,someone to just leave me alone when I sad,someone to make me laugh when I need it,someone that wants to be an equal partner in all areas of my life,someone that will put up with my quirks,someone that will take my car and have the oil changed and wash it..Actions speak louder then words and just hearing I love you no longer works for me..<shrugs> Maybe it is the age I am getting to..


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 26, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> To me romance involves any act that is a demonstration of the value one person holds to another. It can be a very simple gesture or grand, but it in some way it has to say, "I value your presence in my life." Hanging out and watching bad 70's cop shows all afternoon is romantic to me.



This sums it up for me....someone that values me...and shows me that they do.


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## olwen (Aug 26, 2009)

Tad said:


> How do you feel about non-BBW giving rep for posts on this board? We aren't supposed to be posting, for the most part, but is rep OK? Or is that still potentially seen as trying to influence or approve the discussion?



This board is not private, so there is nothing stopping anyone from reading, repping, or PMing anybody else. I would imagine that no one would object to rep so long as it's isn't negative.


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## msbard90 (Aug 27, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> What does romance mean to you?



Well....

Romance is quite simply having that swept off of your feet feeling. It doesn't have to be expensive or all too creative. If a guy lends me his jacket or something, I find that rather romantic. I think it's romantic when a guy wants to massage your feet after a long day of work. Heck, it's romantic if a guy makes me a di giorno pizza. To sum it up, I guess romance can be defined as those little moments where a guy goes above and beyond to make a girl feel extra special and like a princess.


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## Tau (Aug 27, 2009)

Romance is the little things that remind you everyday why you're with that person. My Dad for instance won't eat unless my Mom's around. Its really freaky and weird - and it used to worry me so I asked him. He's a very shy, very quiet man - the epitome of the strong silent type actually LOL! and I wasn't expecting an answer but then he said: nothing tastes as good to me when she's not here. So then I went to my room and bawled because just that simple statement for me is the epitome of love and romance. A waltz around the kitchen after supper, a kiss on the nape of the neck when I stir at night, remembering to buy Gino Genelli Chocolate Chip Ice Cream when I'm having my period, carrying the heaviest shopping bags, cooking for me and loving it, removing frogs and snails from the house...for me real romance is those small things that are actually everything.


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## mossystate (Aug 27, 2009)

To me, ' romance ' is extremely personal, found mostly in the moment, and while an answer can be given...no man or woman should take cues from anything that does not come from their own heart and soul, connecting, with eyes and mind wide open, with another very unique and individual heart and soul. There should be no recipe, in my opinion. Once that happens...there is frustration and the missing of a million moments.


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## superodalisque (Aug 27, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> What does romance mean to you?



respect care and a reverance for making time spent together special and uncommon. for me its when you savor everything about each other and put your efforts into trying to please each other.


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## UMBROBOYUM (Aug 28, 2009)

Thanks for the relies, got another one for ya,

How did/do you go about flirting and/or attracting a mate?


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 28, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> How did/do you go about flirting and/or attracting a mate?



I approach it quite differently now than I did in the past. In the past, I wasn't looking for FA's so I would just attempt to flirt with or get to know guys from my school or whatever. Generally, I'd flirt with them and try to be their friend first, and then try to move it along after that. Needless to say, it rarely worked. That's sort of when I came to the conclusion that finding an FA was probably my best bet because reality is, lots of guys simply are not interested in a girl my size. Looking for FA's only changed the way I approached dating a lot simply because this required me to focus my energy online as opposed to in real life. I just began chating with people from Dims or FF and then let things go from there.. a lot of the time, the (single) guys here are sorta on the look out too. Two of my boyfriends have been from Dims, including my current boy. I also saw a guy from FF for awhile. 

As far as actually trying to attract them, my approach is basically to get to know someone first. I'm not big on being really cliche flirty or sexual before I know someone. Instead, I ask them a lot of questions about themselves and try to get to know them as a person, the basics about them, what they like and don't like, their relationship past, etc. I think a good way to tell if they are also interested in you is whether or not they reciprocate and ask you questions. Chances are if they're giving you one word answers and hardly asking anything back, they aren't interested. After you start to get to know someone things seem to either stop there or progress naturally, in my experience anyway. If you have to push it, it's probably not going to work.


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## tonynyc (Aug 28, 2009)

What personality traits do you find attractive in your partner or potential partner?
For example, is it
Humor?
Adventurous? 
Confidence? 
Chivalry?
Class?
Some Other Personality Trait?


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 28, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> What personality traits do you find attractive in your partner or potential partner?
> For example, is it
> Humor?
> Adventurous?
> ...



Patient & understanding because I'm moody and admittedly hard to deal with at times, funny because I'm always joking around, intelligent & mature because I need someone on the same level as me & I appreciate intelligent conversation.


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## StarWitness (Aug 28, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> How did/do you go about flirting and/or attracting a mate?



I rely on a combination of (a) attempts to force eye contact via telepathy, and (b) freezing in abject terror. This will occasionally lead to level 2: stilted conversation peppered with long, awkward silences.


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## Inhibited (Aug 28, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> What personality traits do you find attractive in your partner or potential partner?
> For example, is it
> Humor?
> Adventurous?
> ...



I like someone who is intelligent, without them thinking that they are superiour. I also like someone who is easy going and doesn't mind when i chat to others of the opposite sex.


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## olwen (Aug 28, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Thanks for the relies, got another one for ya,
> 
> How did/do you go about flirting and/or attracting a mate?



To flirt, I engage the guy in normal conversation, make eye contact, pay attention to their body language, smile, use flirtatious touching - shoulders, arms, legs (if sitting), pay attention to how they react to the touching. If they pull back, then it means they are not into me, if they don't then it's the signal to amp it up and how much depends on their body language. If the conversation flows and there is no awkwardness means it's time to ask for a simple date (coffee, drinks) or a number.

To attract a mate: I just try not to be sloppy about dressing. I don't go out of my way for that tho. I usually dress to suit my mood, and in general I don't wear anything too revealing since I'm of the mind that one doesn't need to be half naked to be sexy. 



tonynyc said:


> What personality traits do you find attractive in your partner or potential partner?
> For example, is it
> Humor?
> Adventurous?
> ...



I look for someone who is easy going, has a sense of humor, is open-minded, intelligent without being pretentious, someone who has respect for other people and who isn't wishy-washy.


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## LovelyLiz (Aug 28, 2009)

StarWitness said:


> I rely on a combination of (a) attempts to force eye contact via telepathy, and (b) freezing in abject terror. This will occasionally lead to level 2: stilted conversation peppered with long, awkward silences.



LOVE it, StarWitness! I think lately I've been taking lessons from you.

Guys often tell me that I'm way more attractive and charismatic when I'm not trying. But when I actually like a guy, it's really hard not to try!!! But when I do try, option (b) and "level 2" many times result.


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## LovelyLiz (Aug 28, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> What personality traits do you find attractive in your partner or potential partner?
> For example, is it
> Humor?
> Adventurous?
> ...



I appreciate someone with passion -- especially a passion for helping others or making the world a better place in some way. But people with creative ideas and fire in them are fun to interact with!

And of course, meshing on the sense of humor level is always a huge huge bonus. Laughter can heal a lot of things.


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## OneWickedAngel (Aug 28, 2009)

subscribing...


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## msbard90 (Aug 28, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> How did/do you go about flirting and/or attracting a mate?




Umbroboyum,

Call me shy, but I almost always let the male make the first move. However, I remember one time, back in the day, there was this guy that I really really liked, and he wouldn't bite. So, to be flirtatious, I asked him to bring me in a thermos of hot tea (he always bragged about making a great cup of tea), and we instantly became friends. The flirting after that kept going on and on, and even though I am with my boyfriend of 3 years now, me and that guy flirt every time we talk, even though it never came to be. What really attracted me to him was the fact that I am very outgoing and genuine, a little beeotchy when needed, but in general I'm just a sweetheart, and willing to listen. Guys like girls who listen.
xoxo


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## Tau (Aug 29, 2009)

StarWitness said:


> I rely on a combination of (a) attempts to force eye contact via telepathy, and (b) freezing in abject terror. This will occasionally lead to level 2: stilted conversation peppered with long, awkward silences.



Ahahahaha! I hurt something laughing at this  

I'm a seriously crap flirt, also not one for witty repartee or dazzling conversation. I'm just myself with the people I meet and you either like it or you don't. I've found that trying to project the uber flirty, super sexy femme fatale image is exhausting and not the way to go if you're looking for more than a FB.


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## kayrae (Aug 29, 2009)

rep is always welcome anywhere 



Tad said:


> How do you feel about non-BBW giving rep for posts on this board? We aren't supposed to be posting, for the most part, but is rep OK? Or is that still potentially seen as trying to influence or approve the discussion?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 30, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Thanks for the relies, got another one for ya,
> 
> How did/do you go about flirting and/or attracting a mate?




Usually, just sending pics of my boobs and asking him to reciprocate with penis photos works so well for me.......


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 30, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> What personality traits do you find attractive in your partner or potential partner?
> For example, is it
> Humor?
> Adventurous?
> ...




All of the above


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## tonynyc (Aug 31, 2009)

*Brains or Brawn in a Partner*?

*No cheating  - can't say both*


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## bobbleheaddoll (Aug 31, 2009)

For me it's brains all the way. i would take a smart guy over a hot guy any day. if he can't hold up his end of a conversation it would get boring fast...

i think everyone has some trait that attracts a person to them...it just depends on if you want those traits in personality or physical attributes.

you dear tony...have both


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## UMBROBOYUM (Aug 31, 2009)

If you could, would you change your age along with the wisdom and experience that would be lost/gained with it?


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## olwen (Aug 31, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> If you could, would you change your age along with the wisdom and experience that would be lost/gained with it?



My adulthood is much more peaceful than my childhood, so I wouldn't change my age.


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## OneWickedAngel (Aug 31, 2009)

I ditto Olwen. I am finally at a peaceful place with my self spiritually. If all the previous hell I've gone through is what was required to achieve this for me, then so be it. I wouldn't risk anything for this now.


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## tonynyc (Aug 31, 2009)

How has your particiapation in the DIMS Forums changed your life?


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 31, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> How has your particiapation in the DIMS Forums changed your life?



I'm going to keep this short, sweet and to the point: it made me more accepting of my body & of my fetish which in turn made me more confident.


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## msbard90 (Aug 31, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> How has your particiapation in the DIMS Forums changed your life?



Well Tony,

First off, it has helped me waste many hours when I should be sleeping or doing other things. lol haha, no but it has changed my life because it has helped me realize that I'm not the only FA and BBW out there. I didn't even know that my fetishes were shared by so many people, I thought I was the only one.


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## OneWickedAngel (Sep 1, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> How has your particiapation in the DIMS Forums changed your life?



Changed? No, I honestly cannot say that Dims _changed_ my life. I was on this path of BBW love and self-acceptance long before I met the Mayor of Fatopia and had ever heard of Dimensions. Has participating enriched my life? Oh absolutely! It would have been a harder path to walk, but I would have walked it proudly regardless. Still, going from a couple of hands of "I understand" to a couple of hundred hands of "I've been there" is an empowering force that cannot be denied. All the people I have met, both on-line and at the bashes; the experiences I've had this past year with you wonderful, wacky asylum candidates call Dims; I wouldn't trade in for anything.


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## katherine22 (Sep 1, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> If you could, would you change your age along with the wisdom and experience that would be lost/gained with it?



I would love to change my age since a younger version of myself would be hot as a pistol.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 1, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> If you could, would you change your age along with the wisdom and experience that would be lost/gained with it?



NO not at all..I was a wild teen and younger woman with way to much drama in my life...I love my life now without any drama and very calm..


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 1, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> What personality traits do you find attractive in your partner or potential partner?
> For example, is it
> Humor?
> Adventurous?
> ...



Chivalry,humor,confidence,adventure,class in that order..I would love to meet a mannerly guy,that will open doors for me,that will laugh with me about life..Confident enough to look for an adventure to enjoy..He needs a touch of class to be able to enjoy some of the finer things in life that I enjoy!


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 1, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> If you could, would you change your age along with the wisdom and experience that would be lost/gained with it?



I'm only 18 so I doubt you meant this question to be geared for me, but I'm going to answer it because I think that despite still being very young, I have a view on size and in most issues in life that is unlike many other teenagers. Since this is Dims, I will keep this size related, but I respect myself a lot more now, and in the last year, than I ever had before simply because I am able to accept my size. I no longer hate myself for being fat.

As for changing my age, yes, I would.. but.. in the opposite direction! Haha, I'd love to be mid 20's. I'm craving that independence. I often find myself clawing at any little bit I can. I'd love to have the ability to be completely, 100% responsible for myself, my life, my decisions. I have some growing up to do before that is possible though. sigh.


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## msbard90 (Sep 1, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> I'm only 18 so I doubt you meant this question to be geared for me, but I'm going to answer it because I think that despite still being very young, I have a view on size and in most issues in life that is unlike many other teenagers. Since this is Dims, I will keep this size related, but I respect myself a lot more now, and in the last year, than I ever had before simply because I am able to accept my size. I no longer hate myself for being fat.
> 
> As for changing my age, yes, I would.. but.. in the opposite direction! Haha, I'd love to be mid 20's. I'm craving that independence. I often find myself clawing at any little bit I can. I'd love to have the ability to be completely, 100% responsible for myself, my life, my decisions. I have some growing up to do before that is possible though. sigh.



Oh god. I'm going to keep this one short because It's not completely related.... omg you don't want to grow up! I wanted it too, then I got it too fast, and would do anything to re-live being a teenager. Serious


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 1, 2009)

msbard90 said:


> Oh god. I'm going to keep this one short because It's not completely related.... omg you don't want to grow up! I wanted it too, then I got it too fast, and would do anything to re-live being a teenager. Serious



Haha, I hear that from a lot of people but I don't know.. I've really enjoyed taking on more responsibility in the last year or so. I think it has something to do with control issues.. I hate feeling like other people are dictating my life. I admittedly do enjoy acting like a typical teen at times though. It's all about balance I say.


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## msbard90 (Sep 1, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> Haha, I hear that from a lot of people but I don't know.. I've really enjoyed taking on more responsibility in the last year or so. I think it has something to do with control issues.. I hate feeling like other people are dictating my life. I admittedly do enjoy acting like a typical teen at times though. It's all about balance I say.



you hear it from a lot of people because IT IS SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!! Agguhrkrowiejnfen how i wish i could turn back time!!


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## mango (Sep 1, 2009)

*Does size matter??

*


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## Tina (Sep 1, 2009)

Just a note to remind people who are tempted to post answers: the OP requested that only BBW and SSBBW give answers to the questions. We will respect that and disallow answers from those who do not fit the profile. Thanks for understanding.


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## Tau (Sep 1, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> As for changing my age, yes, I would.. but.. in the opposite direction! Haha, I'd love to be mid 20's. I'm craving that independence. I often find myself clawing at any little bit I can. I'd love to have the ability to be completely, 100% responsible for myself, my life, my decisions. I have some growing up to do before that is possible though. sigh.



Chick, your 20s are totally going to rock!! There are still days I wake up and I'm disorientated, wandering why my dad hasn't woken me up for school yet and then I remember - I'M NOT 18 ANYMORE!!!  I'm not saying being an independent woman is easy, far from, I spend more time than I like fighting and crying and cursing life, but its still pure, pure bliss.


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## Tau (Sep 1, 2009)

mango said:


> *Does size matter??
> 
> *



Um - yes. That said, even if you have the tiniest penis ever seen on planet earth you will find somebody who loves it and thinks its perfect. Seriously, don't worry about it. It's like stressing about the sun shining. You can't change it, freaking out about it is just so wrong, so deal and make the most of it


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## OneWickedAngel (Sep 1, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> What personality traits do you find attractive in your partner or potential partner?
> For example, is it
> Humor?
> Adventurous?
> ...



*All of the above, but instead of adventurous, I'd say "joie de vivre". Not all adventurous people seem to enjoy their life, but people who truly enjoy living can find the adventure in going to the local bodega, so imagine everything else! This above all appeals to me, in a partner for everyone I know who has that passion also has the other traits in varying forms. 

Essentially, THIS GUY. I had this once; I'd like to think the Spirits will be kind enough to bless me with something similar again.*


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 1, 2009)

Oh Wow OWA!! I think you wrote that poem about someone I feel the same way about..Even tho I know he is bad and I know that no good will come of the love I feel for him,I still want him so much..<sighs>


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## OneWickedAngel (Sep 1, 2009)

mango said:


> *Does size matter??
> 
> *




*So much is made of the lesser endowed, men who have been “overly blessed” also have their share of problems in pleasing a female and this question can just as easily apply to them. 

Men who think that having big penises make them more manly and better lovers are just like women who feel that they aren't pretty or “woman” enough because they have small breasts. Just as breast size does not equate to how well a female will be as a lover, neither does a male’s penis size. 

We really are not just trying to make a man feel better when we say quality of quantity. Unless the man is of a size that is actually painful to her or the female has a specific personal preference for a larger size, most of us can (and do) overlook this. Our focus isn't on size; but on what you can do with it to turn our entire body on fire, not just that one part of it. 

The question that should be asked is when having sex does she reach orgasms? If yes, then you're doing it right and the size doesn't matter. If you're not then you AND SHE need to consider adjusting your techniques to discover what works for the both of you. *


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## olwen (Sep 1, 2009)

mango said:


> *Does size matter??
> 
> *



If size really mattered, men would never get laid.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 1, 2009)

mango said:


> *Does size matter??
> 
> *



It doesn't to me. Yeah, I have preferences, but if I'm about to get naked with someone then chances are I like them for bigger reasons than dick size. It's not like I'd go to have sex with a new boyfriend or something, see his dick and then be OH HELL NO. 

My current boyfriend is err.. bigger than average, and I love him dearly and the sex is great now but at first it was a little awkward and pretty painful until we found things that work for us so I'd just like to point out that bigger does not always equal better. 

Also, most of sex has little to do with actual penetration for me anyway.. foreplay, the emotional piece of it, etc. is just as important. Plus, a willingness to find things that are pleasurable for both partners is probably the most important thing during sex.. it doesn't matter if you have a great dick if you don't care whether or not she is enjoying herself. 



Tau said:


> Chick, your 20s are totally going to rock!! There are still days I wake up and I'm disorientated, wandering why my dad hasn't woken me up for school yet and then I remember - I'M NOT 18 ANYMORE!!!  I'm not saying being an independent woman is easy, far from, I spend more time than I like fighting and crying and cursing life, but its still pure, pure bliss.



Yesssss I'm very excited for this exact thing. :]


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## mossystate (Sep 1, 2009)

If I am craving to really feel a man in that way...then of course size matters. Does not mean I would mock someone for not being what I was craving. Also does not mean I would continue seeing him. Now, I have never been in the situation where I had to make that decision. Not because the men I have been with have been big big. If a man had a very small penis, it would be tough to be with him. In other words...depends on the woman. I am not going to go on about how it is the technique that matters...etc.. If size is what is...in part...wanted...a small penis is never going to do it for some. Some women are hardwired to want and need size. Now, if a man had no tongue...well, adios...but, that's another topic.


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## OneWickedAngel (Sep 1, 2009)

BubbleButtBabe said:


> Oh Wow OWA!! I think you wrote that poem about someone I feel the same way about..Even tho I know he is bad and I know that no good will come of the love I feel for him,I still want him so much..<sighs>





BubbleButtBabe said:


> *I am sorry,,hugssss...Best advice I can give you is to walk away,no matter how much it hurts..*


............


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## Cors (Sep 1, 2009)

Are you aroused by your own fat (in general or a certain part)? 

Do you feel sexually rejected if your partner doesn't pay attention to or deliberately ignores the non-traditional parts?


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 1, 2009)

Yeah he was the center of my universe..I loved him no matter what..It took him always being drunk for me to walk away..The day I figured out he loved alcohol more then me was the day I was done....If he cleaned up his act and knocked on my door I would take him back in a heartbeat...I love myself to much to be second fiddle to an addiction..


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## mossystate (Sep 1, 2009)

If a man deliberately ignores any part of me...he can get up...get dressed...go bye-bye. That seems like a obvious reaction for any person. There is a difference between enjoying certain parts, and knowing you are ignoring what would feel good to the person you are with...and not caring. Now, only those men who are stunted in some way, do that sort of thing.


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## Tau (Sep 1, 2009)

Cors said:


> Are you aroused by your own fat (in general or a certain part)?
> 
> Do you feel sexually rejected if your partner doesn't pay attention to or deliberately ignores the non-traditional parts?



I adore my fatty bits - just the feel of my own skin and body, the cushy give of it all, is am immense turn on for me. I confess to jerking the bean while checking myself out in the mirror  Horrendously vain but the way i look and feel gets me off  

This question reminds me of some bad news I got today - my blood pressure, which I've been ignoring, has spiked really high and it has been recommended that I drop at least 10 kilos to get my body back to a healthy place. Thing is though I feel amazing - better physically than I have in ages. I'm feeling serious resentment about the whole thing 

And, after that self pitying waffle, i don't understand people who don't understand that the entire body is a sexual organ, every part of it, not just the sticking out bits:bow:.


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## tonynyc (Sep 1, 2009)

*Today's Question*

*
Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona? 
*


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## Tau (Sep 1, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



Yes. 

I'm fairly shy at first when I'm getting to know people in real life, not quite as shy online, but after that its pretty much anything goes. I often censor myself on this site because I've been accused of melodrama and hyperbole so I try to watch what I say and how I react. I also don't allow myself to say anything on the internet that I wouldn't be comfortable saying or doing in real life.


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## BarbBBW (Sep 1, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



I would say Yes. I am very open, very forward, in real life and on line. I like to live life and take chances. At the same time, I am still caring and affectionate, to everyone


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## Tau (Sep 1, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> *All of the above, but instead of adventurous, I'd say "joie de vivre". Not all adventurous people seem to enjoy their life, but people who truly enjoy living can find the adventure in going to the local bodega, so imagine everything else! This above all appeals to me, in a partner for everyone I know who has that passion also has the other traits in varying forms.
> 
> Essentially, THIS GUY. I had this once; I'd like to think the Spirits will be kind enough to bless me with something similar again.*



I hope you find this again too *hugz*


----------



## Tau (Sep 1, 2009)

olwen said:


> If size really mattered, men would never get laid.



 Yes, she said it!


----------



## thatgirl08 (Sep 1, 2009)

Cors said:


> Are you aroused by your own fat (in general or a certain part)?
> 
> Do you feel sexually rejected if your partner doesn't pay attention to or deliberately ignores the non-traditional parts?



Yes, I can be aroused by own fat at times.. especially my belly, and especially if I've been stuffing. I have stuffing/gaining fantasies so it makes sense that I'd be aroused by the fat on my body. 

Yes, I wouldn't want my partner to ignore everything else.. fat parts are just as important as traditional parts, imo.



tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



For the most part, yes. I'm just as loud, blunt, opinionated and talkative in real life. The only difference is that it's rare for me to express humor online whereas in real life most of the people I know consider me to be pretty funny. It's just hard for me to like, make jokes via text because most of my "jokes" are really like stories and the way I express things with facial expressions and voices and such. That's not something I can really convey online. Also, I have the chance to express myself more here about serious issues because there is more discussion.. I think if you were to meet me in person I may not come across as mature or intelligent because normal everyday talk doesn't allow for that as much.


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## olwen (Sep 1, 2009)

Cors said:


> Are you aroused by your own fat (in general or a certain part)?
> 
> Do you feel sexually rejected if your partner doesn't pay attention to or deliberately ignores the non-traditional parts?



You know on some level this question seems strange. I've never asked a thin person if they were aroused by their own bodies and I probably wouldn't expect them to be and if they were I'd think they were narcissistic. 

But to answer the question, I like the attention that is given to ALL my parts during sex, not just one or two. If a guy were to focus on my belly or my boobs exclusively I'd get bored and feel disconnected from him and the act. I'd be more likely to reject him if he couldn't bother to even try to pay attention to the things that turn me on rather than have the focus be on his satisfaction the whole time.


----------



## olwen (Sep 1, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



Pretty much. What you see is what you get.


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## bobbleheaddoll (Sep 1, 2009)

in no paticular order

-to me romance means someone who makes an effort to make a moment special...

-of course size matters...while yes, there are many ways to get there the old fashion way is the most fun...and if he can't then it would be awkward...

-being on dims has changed my life only to the point of I have made some great friends  

-my dims personality the same? i would say it is the most polite side i have. i am always a friendly person, but i tend to be much more outgoing and adventurous in real life. (i keep in mind that things you say/write on the net are there forever and available to the world. i try to keep it friendly, polite and pg-13)

-no, i don't really get aroused by my fat. oddly though i do find a solid guy with a little meat on him to be more arousing than someone who is a thinner...no, i don't get offended if they want to admire any of my parts 

-no, i have enjoyed my thirties and having all the wisdom that i have had to learn over the years...i would not want to go back to being young...


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## OneWickedAngel (Sep 2, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



*I'm pleading the fifth to protect the guilty (aka ME!) 
Ask Olwen, LipMixGirl, Goofy Girl, Leesa, LillyBBW, anyone who has met me at a bash... and for that matter YOU sir Tony; do my personas match? :batting:*


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## MatthewB (Sep 2, 2009)

What does caressing and touching your belly feel like? Does it feel almost separate from you, or an integral part of your body, something that makes you _"you"_?


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## fatgirlflyin (Sep 2, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



I am much more quiet in real life. I'm a wall flower and a people watcher.


----------



## olwen (Sep 2, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> *I'm pleading the fifth to protect the guilty (aka ME!)
> Ask Olwen, LipMixGirl, Goofy Girl, Leesa, LillyBBW, anyone who has met me at a bash... and for that matter YOU sir Tony; do my personas match? :batting:*



LOL, I'd say no matter where you are your awesomeness shines thru.


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## steely (Sep 2, 2009)

I'm exactly the same here on Dims as I am in real life. This may or may not be a good thing.


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## olwen (Sep 2, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> What does caressing and touching your belly feel like? Does it feel almost separate from you, or an integral part of your body, something that makes you _"you"_?



...I can see why an FA might want fat women to just sit around and caress our bellies as a matter of course....would any woman automatically be turned on by caressing her own non-traditional sexual body parts? Probably not...I dunno tho, obviously I can't speak for all fat women regarding their relationship to their own bodies, cause maybe some do, but I don't. If someone else rubs it, then I'm all for that tho. My belly, my fat is not separate from me, and I'm not disconnected from my body....Everything about me is what makes me who I am.


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## msbard90 (Sep 2, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



Yes, it really does.
I'm a pretty straightforward person; I'm not going to take the time to be someone I'm not. 

much love


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## mossystate (Sep 2, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> What does caressing and touching your belly feel like? Does it feel almost separate from you, or an integral part of your body, something that makes you _"you"_?



I am more into ear lobe touching...but...that does not seem to get as much attention out here.




My Dims persona......I am this...I am more...I am less....I change volume.....I am human. I don't know that I would enjoy any person who was exactly this or that...all the time.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 2, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> What does caressing and touching your belly feel like? Does it feel almost separate from you, or an integral part of your body, something that makes you _"you"_?



I wouldn't say it feels like it's separate from my body. Touching my own belly feels like touching any other part of me. Run your hand over your own stomach. It's the same.


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## mediaboy (Sep 2, 2009)

Which is more alluring, a man that smells like a favorite cologne or a man that smells like fresh baked cookies?


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## mossystate (Sep 2, 2009)

heheeeeeeeeeeeee


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## OneWickedAngel (Sep 2, 2009)

mediaboy said:


> Which is more alluring, a man that smells like a favorite cologne or a man that smells like fresh baked cookies?



Definitely NOT the cookies. The over sugary smell would turn me off after a short exposure to it. 

Cologne scents change drastically from male to male with their body chemistry. One of my friends came to work one day wearing a cologne that had me following him in heat all day. It just did something to me! When I could finally control myself enough to ask what it was I was shocked. The brand he mentioned was one I remember telling another friend just days before that I thought it stank to high hell from the bottle. So I can't pick a favorite cologne, but that it has a much better chance with me than cookies.


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## MatthewB (Sep 2, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> I wouldn't say it feels like it's separate from my body. Touching my own belly feels like touching any other part of me. Run your hand over your own stomach. It's the same.


Well, when you have a larger one, there's more to touch, I suppose -- mine is pretty flat, so I wouldn't know. 

Is there something about the jiggling that arouses you? I know it gets me going, a bit.


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## mossystate (Sep 2, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> Well, when you have a larger one, there's more to touch, I suppose -- mine is pretty flat, so I wouldn't know.
> 
> Is there something about the jiggling that arouses you? I know it gets me going, a bit.



Could you please keep this stuff for the weight board.


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## MatthewB (Sep 2, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Could you please keep this stuff for the weight board.


Sorry...


----------



## fatgirlflyin (Sep 2, 2009)

mediaboy said:


> Which is more alluring, a man that smells like a favorite cologne or a man that smells like fresh baked cookies?



I prefer fresh caught salmon myself.


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## Tracyarts (Sep 2, 2009)

" Do you feel sexually rejected if your partner doesn't pay attention to or deliberately ignores the non-traditional parts? "

No.

I would feel sexually rejected if my partner focused only on what *they* got off to paying attention to and didn't so much care about what felt good to me. Like if they had a fetish or fixation on one specific part of my body that wasn't one of my erogenous zones and only focused on it, or primarily on it. That would not only make me feel sexually rejected, but also objectified and used. 

As far as non-traditional parts, I am assuming you mean parts of the body that are not common erogenous zones like breasts and genitalia. That's purely subjective. What makes one person's toes curl will make another person's skin crawl or make yet another person think "this is boring". Which is why communication and taking the time and making the effort to get acquainted with your partner's body is important. 

Be it a "traditional" or "non-traditional" part, if your partner ignores what feels good *to you*, then they're either a selfish or uneducated lover. 

Tracy


----------



## tonynyc (Sep 2, 2009)

_*Hypothetical*_

*You have been given the power to run DIMS for one week - What "New Forum" would you create? *


----------



## debz-aka (Sep 2, 2009)

mediaboy said:


> Which is more alluring, a man that smells like a favorite cologne or a man that smells like fresh baked cookies?



Neither. I hate the artificial smell of most colognes, especially because some people seem to bath in the stuff. Cookies, nope. I like to be the baker in the family so I would be: Dude, get your ass out of my kitchen.

What smells do I like on a man? 
Wood smoke: nothing says sexy like a man who can build a fire.
Pipe smoke: I often follow guys down the street who are smoking pipes, I love the smell and it feeds into my Masterpiece Theater romantic side.


----------



## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 2, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



No,I am much more of a smartazz in r/l,plus I make jokes a lot..Hard for the sarcasm and jokes to come across online...

Size only matter if you are so small it is hard to find..

Just certain men's colognes I like


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## rainyday (Sep 2, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> Well, when you have a larger one, there's more to touch, I suppose -- mine is pretty flat, so I wouldn't know.
> 
> Is there something about the jiggling that arouses you? I know it gets me going, a bit.





mossystate said:


> Could you please keep this stuff for the weight board.



I think these kinds of questions are okay to ask here as long as it's done respectfully and not in an oh, baby, baby way and they don't get excessive in number. I probably wouldn't answer this question on the weight board because often the replies there make me want a shower. At least here that kind tone will get you a (deserved) bop on the head from a mod. 

(I take that all back if you're a known skeevy question-asker, Matthew, and Mossy knows something I don't; but from what i've seen I don't think you are.)


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## mossystate (Sep 2, 2009)

Welp, just kind of going by what was set up...etc....and the fact that we already have a place for that kind of interaction, at least when it comes to men asking women/getting responses for this kind of thing. I am not comfy having it here. Maybe a number could be thrown out?


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## rainyday (Sep 2, 2009)

Guess I'll defer to the mods for a decision, M.

The idea of the thread(s) is learning and exchanging and knowledge, and it seems some (or a lot) of what people are curious about will encompass sex-related stuff. Feels kind of like a know-it-when-you-see-it thing, "it" being something asked just for wanking purposes. This one didn't feel like that to me.

/waits for word from on high from the mods


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## mossystate (Sep 2, 2009)

I think that a woman talking amongst other women about something like this ( but even then, within boundaries ) ...is one thing...and keeps to the spirit of why this board was started, and the ' rules '. There is a fat sexuality sub-forum, and while some might not like using it, in my opinion, it is the best place for most particular sexual conversations where men and women trade ideas and ask questions, and, learn. I guess this could be a thread for all that. I am just very wary.

But, like you said...the mods will decide if it meshes with this forum.


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## mergirl (Sep 2, 2009)

Does anyone seriously think answering questions about if how rubbing your fat bellies turns you on has ANYTHING to do with what this board was ment to be about??
A wank is still a wank whether or not it is asked for with a begging bowl, a smile or a cock in face demand!!! 
Come on wimmins...was this what you imagined discussing here?
I think it devalues the point of this space and just makes this another wank board.


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## mossystate (Sep 2, 2009)

And mer cuts through all of it.

Thanks, mer.


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## Tina (Sep 2, 2009)

I'm going to say no, it doesn't belong. That seems like a somewhat gratuitous question that could be asked on any of the boards, really, and seems to serve no particular purpose for it to be on this BBW-centric board specifically. While I'm not against sexual subjects at all or discussions of sexuality -- and while I don't really get a vibe from you, Matthew, that you are only in it for the wank value -- I'd really rather not set a precedent for this type of question that *could* be taken as wank fodder. 

So in the future, please ask such questions elsewhere. [/blahblahmodblahblah]

*Edit -- please read*: You know what, I've re-thought this. After reading Cors' question, which I didn't find in the same league as Matthew's, I had to question myself why, and it's his gender which made it seem a bit more wankish, and Cors' gender which did not. That's not right in my book, and so I've reversed myself and apologize for the mix-up. Please carry on.


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## StarWitness (Sep 2, 2009)

Cors said:


> Are you aroused by your own fat (in general or a certain part)?



I'm not aroused by my own body, in general. I've gotten to the point where sometimes I feel attractive. Which is a big deal for me! But aroused by myself? Not at all. Like, to the point where masturbation is pretty futile because there's not another body involved. Partially because I'm not... er, autosexual?... but also I'm way, _way_ harder on myself than everyone else in the world in terms of judging desirability.

I'm guessing that answer also covers belly-rubbing or jiggling or tickle fights with my sorority sisters or whatever.

I'm deliberately not answering the second part of your question because it brings up a lot of stuff I don't feel like sharing at the moment-- sorry Cors.



tonynyc said:


> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?



Yes, in that I'm honest about my opinions, experiences, etc. No, in that I have so much more time to think about what I'm saying, so I think I come across better on the Internet. (That's right, it only goes downhill from here.)



mediaboy said:


> Which is more alluring, a man that smells like a favorite cologne or a man that smells like fresh baked cookies?



I don't think I've ever met a man who smelled like fresh-baked cookies.  But I'd imagine I'd prefer cologne. Actually, to be honest... I like how guys smell when they're a little sweaty. Not skanky or unclean, just... when I'm in close quarters and can actually smell his scent. I kinda dig that.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 2, 2009)

mediaboy said:


> Which is more alluring, a man that smells like a favorite cologne or a man that smells like fresh baked cookies?



Neither but if I had to choose, cologne.

Also I think it's a little ridiculous not allowing Matthew's question since people have the ability to either ignore or answer each question. What makes a question "about sexuality" versus "too sexual --> wank fodder"? Is it that it has to do with specifically FAT sex?


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## UMBROBOYUM (Sep 2, 2009)

Describe a mysterious man in your own view?

What makes him mysterious in your opinion?


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## StarWitness (Sep 2, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> Also I think it's a little ridiculous not allowing Matthew's question since people have the ability to either ignore or answer each question. What makes a question "about sexuality" versus "too sexual --> wank fodder"? Is it that it has to do with specifically FAT sex?



My reaction to Matthew's questions were negative, and I think that's because they were a bit too specific and leading. I felt like he was projecting a fantasy onto whomever might be answering his questions, which I didn't want to participate in.

Not wanting to demonize you or anything, Matthew; just thought you deserved an explanation as to why some of us might have found your questions off-putting.


----------



## thatgirl08 (Sep 2, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Describe a mysterious man in your own view?
> 
> What makes him mysterious in your opinion?



A mysterious man could be a lot of different things.. I'm not sure how to answer this question. 



StarWitness said:


> My reaction to Matthew's questions were negative, and I think that's because they were a bit too specific and leading. I felt like he was projecting a fantasy onto whomever might be answering his questions, which I didn't want to participate in.
> 
> Not wanting to demonize you or anything, Matthew; just thought you deserved an explanation as to why some of us might have found your questions off-putting.



It's simple. Don't answer them.


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## Tina (Sep 2, 2009)

It's not quite that simple, since it's a protected forum and because there is not an "anything goes" attitude there are limits.


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## mossystate (Sep 2, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> Is it that it has to do with specifically FAT sex?



That is a very silly thing to run to. It makes more sense that you would not post on this forum. It is a protected forum...that means people don't get to say or ask just anything. There are things that are not allowed on the fa forum. Since you obviously don't think there should be protected forums, you have lots of room on Dims in which to stretch your posting legs.


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## kayrae (Sep 3, 2009)

a private BBW board, harhar



tonynyc said:


> _*Hypothetical*_
> 
> *You have been given the power to run DIMS for one week - What "New Forum" would you create? *



Actually, I think a forum for all the games should be in one place. The Lounge has too many games and I can't even read the other threads because they're quickly buried.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 3, 2009)

kayrae said:


> Actually, I think a forum for all the games should be in one place. The Lounge has too many games and I can't even read the other threads because they're quickly buried.



I like this idea.


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## mergirl (Sep 3, 2009)

kayrae said:


> a private BBW board, harhar
> 
> 
> 
> Actually, I think a forum for all the games should be in one place. The Lounge has too many games and I can't even read the other threads because they're quickly buried.



I suggested this before. The reply was there are already too many threads and i can just skip over the threads i dont like. I feel like i miss so many interesting threads because i dont always have the time to wade through piles of games etc.


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## mergirl (Sep 3, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> Neither but if I had to choose, cologne.
> 
> Also I think it's a little ridiculous not allowing Matthew's question since people have the ability to either ignore or answer each question. What makes a question "about sexuality" versus "too sexual --> wank fodder"? Is it that it has to do with specifically FAT sex?


It had nothing to do with the fact it had to do with fat sex. If the question had been "ladies do you like rubbing your vagina and boobs?? does it turn you on??" I think it would still have been totally inappropriate for here. There is a sexuality board. People who want to ask/answer questions like that can post them there. I don't think this board should be about male sexuality unless women are discussing it amongst themselves. Or really there is no point to the board.


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## butch (Sep 3, 2009)

fwiw, I may be in the minority, but yeah, my fat does turn me on, and rubbing my belly will get me hot. Since I'm a fat woman, doesn't my experience count on the BBW Forum, even if it is in the minority and might give someone fap material?

'Protected' won't always mean 100% safe for each and every one of us, it means that we guard against the overt and obvious, and I don't see Matthew's question as being an post that was only meant to satisfy his carnal desires. Unless the whole concept of a thread in here for men to post in goes against what others think the BBW Forum should be, then I think Matthew's question is the kind of thing a lot of well meaning, respectful FAs will wonder about the women they find attractive.

These are personal opinions, and not 'official mod rulings,' btw.


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## mergirl (Sep 3, 2009)

butch said:


> fwiw, I may be in the minority, but yeah, my fat does turn me on, and rubbing my belly will get me hot. Since I'm a fat woman, doesn't my experience count on the BBW Forum, even if it is in the minority and might give someone fap material?
> 
> 'Protected' won't always mean 100% safe for each and every one of us, it means that we guard against the overt and obvious, and I don't see Matthew's question as being an post that was only meant to satisfy his carnal desires. Unless the whole concept of a thread in here for men to post in goes against what others think the BBW Forum should be, then I think Matthew's question is the kind of thing a lot of well meaning, respectful FAs will wonder about the women they find attractive.
> 
> These are personal opinions, and not 'official mod rulings,' btw.



I'm sure a lot of willing bbws would answer his question on another board. What exactly is the point of this board if it is to be the same as the rest?
If you wanted to start a thread proclaiming that rubbing your belly turned you on in here then it would be fine because you would be pronouncing your sexuality as a woman. I thought this was to be a space where women did not have to engage with Fa sexuality if they did not want to. I thought it was a place where they didn't have to be sexual always. I don't think Mattew was wrong to ask, i think he is a lovely guy and i know he was possibly just curious. Perhaps we can set up a thread like this one on the fat sexuality board, which is specifically about sexual things. Or have a vote. Though, didn't a mod say that it wasn't to be allowed?? Hmm.. confusion.


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## butch (Sep 3, 2009)

Yes, believe me, I understand your point, but as Tina pointed out, why wasn't anyone objecting to similar questions asked by a woman in this thread? I guess I read the question, in this particular thread, as being OK, since it is meant to solicit questions by FAs. Unfortunately, the way in which 'protected' can be measured is by small degrees, and sometimes decisions will be made (as the mods of this forum have, go back and read Tina's edited post) that don't sit well with everyone. This is one of them, alas. I think the warning that was given to the OP by another poster seemed to do the trick, though, and there have been no more questionable posts about sexuality by FAs.


----------



## mergirl (Sep 3, 2009)

butch said:


> Yes, believe me, I understand your point, but as Tina pointed out, why wasn't anyone objecting to similar questions asked by a woman in this thread? I guess I read the question, in this particular thread, as being OK, since it is meant to solicit questions by FAs. Unfortunately, the way in which 'protected' can be measured is by small degrees, and sometimes decisions will be made (as the mods of this forum have, go back and read Tina's edited post) that don't sit well with everyone. This is one of them, alas. I think the warning that was given to the OP by another poster seemed to do the trick, though, and there have been no more questionable posts about sexuality by FAs.



There were no objections to a woman asking sexual questions because essentially its a womans board. I think women trust other women more in many ways. Even if said woman was fapping away. It somehow does not stink of the same patriarchal shit that eminates from every crack here. Again, it would be a woman expressing her sexuality, albeit for another woman. I don't think there has been any objections to bbws' (which i think is a term any woman can own) who are also Fa's, but this is a womans board and so questions posed by male Fa's that make women uncomfortable should be questioned always.
I think it would be useful to go over what people wanted from this board in the first place. (oh. not you personally btw)


----------



## thatgirl08 (Sep 3, 2009)

Maybe this thread shouldn't be on this board then seeing as how it doesn't fit in with the "woman to woman discussion" since it is specifically asking for FA questions (many of whom, will be male.)


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## Tau (Sep 3, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> What does caressing and touching your belly feel like? Does it feel almost separate from you, or an integral part of your body, something that makes you _"you"_?



My tummy feels like part of me, just like my arms or legs or head feel part of me. Rubbing it feels good, whether its a sexual touch or just one I'm giving myself cos I need a bit of comfort.


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## butch (Sep 3, 2009)

I think that since the person who started the thread was OK with that question, and that it was in a thread that until that question arose, nobody had a problem with men posting in here, it seemed like a gentle reprimand by another BBW is all that is needed to make sure the thread doesn't degrade into 'Fap'erpiece Theater.

In thinking about this difficult question, I realised that if nothing else, something of use to a BBW came out of the question. I could imagine a sexually inexperienced BBW, feeling badly about their body and wondering if they could ever feel 'sexy,' might like to know that there are things about being fat that could enhance her enjoyment of sex, as rainy pointed out in her reply.

Besides making this board 'no men ever,' which is one way to guard against this problem, we could also make this board 'no sex talk ever,' and yet I don't feel good about either idea. Your thoughts are welcome, btw, and if you all want to start a new thread to discuss it, please do.


----------



## Tau (Sep 3, 2009)

butch said:


> Besides making this board 'no men ever,' 'no sex talk ever,'



Please NO!! That would be the epitome of suckitude!!


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## mergirl (Sep 3, 2009)

butch said:


> Besides making this board 'no men ever,' which is one way to guard against this problem, we could also make this board 'no sex talk ever,' and yet I don't feel good about either idea. Your thoughts are welcome, btw, and if you all want to start a new thread to discuss it, please do.


I dont see why we cant talk about sex? If men are respectful of the rules of this board why would there be a problem in them joining in a discussion. Its a new board, it was bound to have some teething problems regarding what is deemed as acceptable behaviour. 
If the majority of women think its ok to be asked questions such as "Does it sexually excite you to rub your belly" in this forum then fair enough... i just thought this forum was trying to be a little different. 
If so..you can show you are on board by posting pics of your cleavage, belly hang and canckles in support! No need for words.


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## mossystate (Sep 3, 2009)

butch said:


> Yes, believe me, I understand your point, but as Tina pointed out, why wasn't anyone objecting to similar questions asked by a woman in this thread? I guess I read the question, in this particular thread, as being OK, since it is meant to solicit questions by FAs. Unfortunately, the way in which 'protected' can be measured is by small degrees, and sometimes decisions will be made (as the mods of this forum have, go back and read Tina's edited post) that don't sit well with everyone. This is one of them, alas. I think the warning that was given to the OP by another poster seemed to do the trick, though, and there have been no more questionable posts about sexuality by FAs.




I did not notice that part of Cors' question ( I did respond to the second half ). If I had, and seeing how she is a fa, I would have felt the same. Dims is pretty much full of places to ask these questions. Sigh. Oh well.
---
This is not a ' women's board '. It is a bbw forum. I guess even here we have to make sure we are more accomodating. To me, it is unfortunate that, because a fa, who happens to be a woman, asks the same kind of thing...all of it should be allowed. I won't go into more of what I am thinking, but, it's exactly what I knew would happen.


----------



## mergirl (Sep 3, 2009)

mossystate said:


> I did not notice that part of Cors' question ( I did respond to the second half ). If I had, and seeing how she is a fa, I would have felt the same. Dims is pretty much full of places to ask these questions. Sigh. Oh well.
> ---
> This is not a ' women's board '. It is a bbw forum. I guess even here we have to make sure we are more accomodating. To me, it is unfortunate that, because a fa, who happens to be a woman, asks the same kind of thing...all of it should be allowed. I won't go into more of what I am thinking, but, it's exactly what I knew would happen.


You should say what you are thinking. See, Cors has mentioned in other posts that when she is Visiting home and when she was growing up she was seen as fat, so can maby identify with many of the things that fat people go through. I'm not sure about what i said earlier about it being more acceptable for a woman Fa to ask the same sorts of questions. Its just a double standard. Though, i think in many cases the reasons for asking will be for educational purposes and not just to gather fap material.


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## Cors (Sep 3, 2009)

I would like to apologise if my question is out of place. As a woman sometimes gets targeted by fetishists, I know how it feels like to be objectified and I do not want anyone feel that way, especially in a protected space. I posted it here instead of the Weight Board because I imagine that women will feel more comfortable sharing their feelings here and not receive as many unsolicited sexual comments and PMs as they would have elsewhere. 

Anyway, if I had gone on to insinuate or blatantly describe how aroused I am (to me, "I know it gets me going, a bit" counts), then I am sure my comment will be shot down and/or removed by the mods too.


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## mossystate (Sep 3, 2009)

Cors...I understand what you are saying...I do. I know the weight board is not a welcoming place for some...I doooooo get that. I just think this particular space needs to be so far removed from that. I am out the door, but did not want to just leave that there, and to just say.......let's be very careful. This bbw forum should be a safe haven...and that does not mean nothing about sexuality is ever discussed...etc...etc..


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## superodalisque (Sep 3, 2009)

i think if people really have a problem with guys posting here there really might need to be a private forum somewhere where questions aren't being asked of FAs period-- especially since the thread is an open invitation for FAs to ask questions. maybe it should be moved to the main board somewhere? i kind of have a problem with determining the kind of questions they can ask in the spirit of freedom. if we want to monitor what they ask why does this thread even exist? maybe the op thought there are FAs who want a serious answer and not the kind of answer they would get on the weightboard? maybe the FAs who ask questions want a real answer and not one honed just to tweak thier libido? 

i agree with rainy in that i didn't feel the question as purient but thats just my opinion. i don't think all questions of that sort are. it seemed to me that he was careful to try not to word it in an insulting way. i think is good when we help people understand that they need to tone things down and clean things up. it just feels a little intolerant to me to be asking FAs to ask questions but only the ones we want them to ask. we already know that FAs have certian physical concerns about us that not all bbws might appreciate. i'm not certain why someone would even read a thread like this if thats true when those issues are certian to come up somewhere. there were other sexually oriented questions here. is the objection to the words jiggling and arrousal? the whole thing just sort of feels out of balance to me. i'm not saying i'm right-- i'm just saying. it looks especially narrow to me considering how well accepted bbws occasional postings on the FA board have been even when we say things they may not appreciate. after all he did excuse himself for saying something someone felt was unsulting. who else is he going to learn from? i think he'll learn more about how far he should be going IRL here than on the weight board.


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## superodalisque (Sep 3, 2009)

olwen said:


> ...I can see why an FA might want fat women to just sit around and caress our bellies as a matter of course....would any woman automatically be turned on by caressing her own non-traditional sexual body parts? Probably not...I dunno tho, obviously I can't speak for all fat women regarding their relationship to their own bodies, cause maybe some do, but I don't. If someone else rubs it, then I'm all for that tho. My belly, my fat is not separate from me, and I'm not disconnected from my body....Everything about me is what makes me who I am.



i'm not fetishy at all but i like touching my belly. it feels nice. its sort of a comforting thing. when its cold i also like warming my hands under there.


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## superodalisque (Sep 3, 2009)

fatgirlflyin said:


> I am much more quiet in real life. I'm a wall flower and a people watcher.



me too! people are shocked that i'm pretty quiet spoken in real life- especially people who know me from chat.


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## superodalisque (Sep 3, 2009)

mediaboy said:


> Which is more alluring, a man that smells like a favorite cologne or a man that smells like fresh baked cookies?



cologne--but it should never be overpowering. my true personal preference is for the smell of a nice soap.


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## superodalisque (Sep 3, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> _*Hypothetical*_
> 
> *You have been given the power to run DIMS for one week - What "New Forum" would you create? *



none. but i'd desolve all of the forums into one and force people to try to get along--nazi that i am


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## Tina (Sep 3, 2009)

mossystate said:


> This bbw forum should be a safe haven...and that does not mean nothing about sexuality is ever discussed...etc...etc..


I agree, M. In thinking about it I felt those questions were fine, but as I also mentioned, there is a limit, and I don't intend for this to be the BBW sexuality forum.

There's really just no way everyone will agree, but Butch, Olwen and I want to make this a comfortable place to post without it being too restrictive either. It can be a difficult balance to strike.


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## olwen (Sep 3, 2009)

Difficult is right. No, this isn't a sexuality board. 

I personally feel that as long as sexual/relationship matters that will inevitably be brought up on this board, whether political or personal are approached in a *respectful* way, then we should all be able to discuss them openly and honestly like the adults we all are.


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## Cors (Sep 3, 2009)

Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?


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## olwen (Sep 3, 2009)

Cors said:


> Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?



Cors, that's a good question. I used to think that being fat would automatically put me and all other fat folks in some secret club where there would be a polite nod in passing as a sort of solidarity thing, which does sometimes happen, especially on the bus where I'm more likely to run into other fat folks, but I've been reminded more than once that just because we are all fat doesn't mean we are going to get along or understand where each other is coming from. In retrospect, it seems like a strange thing to expect from other fat folks, but you know, I still like the secret nod.


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## fatgirlflyin (Sep 3, 2009)

Cors said:


> Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?



I'm not overly friendly to any strangers, fat or thin. Its a flaw of mine. 

I guess if I really thought about it though, I'd say I probably smile more at fat women that I don't know than thin women I dont know.


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## zanza (Sep 3, 2009)

hmmmmm........

I have question if that is ok, I hope I don't stir up any problems with this one.

I have always wondered with the fact of the community here being an area for social gathering for people with similar lifestyle/experiences. I wonder does the idea that there is a sexual 'niche' liked to this happen to make it more difficult to feel open and willing to reach out to other members here (often those of the opposite gender) or is it overlooked?

I guess I am wondering since it seems that they have been different views expressed in the past about the nature of FAs and how the 'fetish' undertones may lead to a fear of just being objectified as 'fap material' by some.


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## superodalisque (Sep 3, 2009)

Cors said:


> Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?



not at all. my asshole barometer is out for everybody just the same.


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## superodalisque (Sep 3, 2009)

zanza said:


> hmmmmm........
> 
> I have question if that is ok, I hope I don't stir up any problems with this one.
> 
> ...



yes! you definitely have something here. fetish can tend to look as though it obscures a person. different people have different levels of fetish drive. maybe its just that someone can be overcome by his/her own drives. those with an extreme drives can look as though thier focus is beyond ethics morals and other things that are important to a bbws/bhms well being. so, everything is suspect because there might be an agenda that has nothing to do with actually caring for another human being. 

a lot of bbws/bhms here come across fetishists who function like varying degrees of a sociopath. they'll do or say anything to get thier fix no matter how it affects you. most fetishists would probably never do that. most fetishists probably never come into contact with the people who do. those kind of people are not generally interested in community. but, bbws and bhms do. so naturally having seen that they are gunshy of people who want to use them without thier consent and without respect . for some people it can feel like virtual rape. so when someone has a fetish and it doesn't overwhelm him/her they are still often lumped in the same class because people are afraid of thier motives because they could be out of control. dims by its very nature can scare people with those kinds of experiences with fetishists. in this no holds barred place where people come to play you can probably understand why people feel like they do. at some time or another people who are not into it just get tired of people trying to force it on them. i have to tell people that i already know what i like. but somehow they never quite, or never really want to, believe me.


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## Vespertine (Sep 3, 2009)

Cors said:


> Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?



No, I'm equal opportunity, but I am hyper sensitive to bbw who give off negative vibes. I really do not like to be around it at all, I guess it makes me feel judged. My sister (also bbw) likes to try to bring some positivity to that type, but I have no energy for it these days. I guess I do go out of my way to give a friendly smile to a bigger girl when I see them out and about, but it almost never is returned. 

I'm friendly and smiley in general though, unless its a bad day xD


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## comaseason (Sep 3, 2009)

Cors said:


> Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?



I was in elementary school when the "stranger danger" brainwashing was at it's height. I am VERY uncomfortable being friendly and open with people I don't know. I blame it on stranger danger and a large dose of introversion.

But if I'm reading perhaps the underlying question correctly, I would say that I don't feel a connection or even common ground enough to share "the nod" with either fat or thin people. I don't look at a fellow fat girl and say... "she knows what's up". The thought never occurs to me when I'm visually seeing someone of my size that we may have common experiences and the whatnot.

Weird... I never really thought about that. Wonder why. Good question Cors!


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## kayrae (Sep 3, 2009)

Cors said:


> Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?



Before I was introduced to size acceptance, I didn't really pay any attention to fat people. I treated everyone the same. But now I am hyper-aware of everyone who is fat. I don't think I'm necessarily friendlier to fat strangers than to thin ones, but I definitely pay more attention. I am always checking out what other fat women are wearing for fashion inspiration.


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## Suze (Sep 3, 2009)

Cors said:


> Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?


fat people tend to give me dirty looks (i really don't know why & i wish i knew) so i'm usually a bit more cautious around them actually.


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## Tina (Sep 3, 2009)

Seriously? :blink: How strange.

I'm pretty friendly to most everyone who doesn't seem like an asshole. So, the answer is "no."  I think there may be some shared experience that might make me more empathetic towards them in certain situations, though.


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## Suze (Sep 3, 2009)

Tina said:


> Seriously? :blink: How strange.


Yup. There seem to be a lack of confident bbws around here, and many do not care about how they look. I can count on one hand how many well put together fat women I've seen in 2009 so far. (IRL of course)
I guess i stand out from all the sweatpants and scrunchies and some people get a omgzwhodoesshethinksheis!?-reaction from that. 

Just a theory. I really don't know!


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## StarWitness (Sep 3, 2009)

Cors said:


> Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?



It depends on the person; I tend to be shy and withdrawn around strangers. When it comes to other women in my age range, though, I'm much more comfortable if she's fat. I guess there is a bit of a feeling of comradeship.


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## butch (Sep 3, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I dont see why we cant talk about sex? If men are respectful of the rules of this board why would there be a problem in them joining in a discussion. Its a new board, it was bound to have some teething problems regarding what is deemed as acceptable behaviour.
> If the majority of women think its ok to be asked questions such as "Does it sexually excite you to rub your belly" in this forum then fair enough... i just thought this forum was trying to be a little different.
> If so..you can show you are on board by posting pics of your cleavage, belly hang and canckles in support! No need for words.



Just for you, in the GLBTQ Forum, pics of my cleavage, belly hang, cankles, and an extra bonus, my bat wings-IF I can ever find a photographer, lol.


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## msbard90 (Sep 3, 2009)

I really enjoyed this thread before all these shenanigans. Lets get this back on topic! "FA's ask your questions" is truly a title that may lure in some unwanted questions.... :/ But lets just keep it appropriate everyone. If there's a blatantly inappropriate question, then let the mods delete it. Keep things going


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## Fascinita (Sep 4, 2009)

butch said:


> Yes, believe me, I understand your point, but as Tina pointed out, why wasn't anyone objecting to similar questions asked by a woman in this thread?



Actually, olwen did point out that Cors's question was "strange." And I agree. Are we, as fat people, any more turned on by our fat bodies than thin people by their thin bodies? The question--and Matthew's belly question--seems to be grounded in a sexualized vision of fat bodies that I'm not comfortable with. We are human and share in human sexuality--no more and no less. That FAs are mystified by the fat as fat only moves me to remind them that fat isn't sub- or super-human... Everyone... *everyone* has some fat on his or her body. Fatter people are more visibly fat, but that doesn't make us any different qualitatively than other human beings. What does it feel like to touch a body? I expect the answer varies from person to person, fat or thin.


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## mergirl (Sep 4, 2009)

butch said:


> Just for you, in the GLBTQ Forum, pics of my cleavage, belly hang, cankles, and an extra bonus, my bat wings-IF I can ever find a photographer, lol.


Hmm..i don't think i have ever seen a 'cleave' pic from you butch!!  
Hmm thats interesting though.. You call them 'bat wings' we call them 'Bingo wings'!!! (Bat and bingo wings across the atlantic). :wubu:

Actually, here is a question:
If you have ever had someone make a nasty remark and say you had, for example "Bat wings", "Cankles", "Muffin tops" etc etc... and then you see those words being used on here in an affectionate way or as a descriptor, does part of you feel bad somehow? Does it remind you of past abuse? Or do you just take it in the spirit it was intended?
Butch just reminded me i actually wanted to ask this for a while, as i remember someone taking offence to some of these terms as she thought they were degrading.


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## UMBROBOYUM (Sep 4, 2009)

Do you ladies like accents and if so, which ones?


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## LillyBBBW (Sep 4, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Do you ladies like accents and if so, which ones?



Accents don't make me swoon like they may some others but I don't mind them. There are a few that I simply don't like at all though. If I'm constantly crooking my neck to understand someone that gets a bit wearing, otherwise accents are ok. Some of them are even nice.


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## butch (Sep 4, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> Actually, olwen did point out that Cors's question was "strange." And I agree. Are we, as fat people, any more turned on by our fat bodies than thin people by their thin bodies? The question--and Matthew's belly question--seems to be grounded in a sexualized vision of fat bodies that I'm not comfortable with. We are human and share in human sexuality--no more and no less. That FAs are mystified by the fat as fat only moves me to remind them that fat isn't sub- or super-human... Everyone... *everyone* has some fat on his or her body. Fatter people are more visibly fat, but that doesn't make us any different qualitatively than other human beings. What does it feel like to touch a body? I expect the answer varies from person to person, fat or thin.



Which is why I think it is kinda cool, in a thread that welcomes FA input, for an FA to find that out, that for most fat women, their feelings about their bodies and their sexualty is no more 'unique, exotic, fetishistic, etc' as any other woman's. 

I also think it is cool that we can politely self-police the board, and remind FAs when they've perhaps stepped over the line. Its even better when those FAs can recognize their error, and apologize. I don't know why the self-policing in this thread doesn't serve as an adequate response to the problem about what types of sexuality will be discussed in this forum? I didn't see any questions rising to the level of pornography, so do people want the mods to delete? I am curious, do people want that level of editing in this forum, because I personally find it too much, or am I wrong in thinking that it is OK for the members of this board to do a little compassionate or tough love self policing of the threads, and leaving it a that? Especialy if it can then stand as an example for people who come to the thread after the fact about what is acceptable and what isn't for this thread and this forum?


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## OneWickedAngel (Sep 4, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Hmm..i don't think i have ever seen a 'cleave' pic from you butch!!
> Hmm thats interesting though.. You call them 'bat wings' we call them 'Bingo wings'!!! (Bat and bingo wings across the atlantic). :wubu:
> 
> Actually, here is a question:
> ...



I take it as I feel it was intended by the person speaking it. A partner tenderly stroking the underside of your upper arm and cooing "mmm wings!" is different than when someone on the tattoo board says "I just goat a new symbol on my wing" is different than someone at the gym saying "Damn look at that wing!" The perceived context is the key.


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## comaseason (Sep 4, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Do you ladies like accents and if so, which ones?



I have really sensitive hearing, so sounds can really do "it" for me. British or Scottish can be very nice. A good old American Southern drawl can be dreamy. There are also certain Native American tribes where there's a cadence to the speech (not necessarily an accent) that can give me goosebumps when coupled with a nice deep voice.

Ahhh the deep voice. Good stuff.


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## rollhandler (Sep 4, 2009)

I tread eggshells with this question, but have a very honest desire to know the answer from a variety of sources. Not only will they possibly change a way of thinking for me they may well also change a manner of behaviour I had not thought to be in poor taste. I also would desire that the wording of the question not be taken literally for content but the spirit of intent be spoken to in your answer. I really do mean well in asking although my words may not be perfect in describing the information I am seeking.

Is there any situation where a joke or offhanded comment about ones size or body shape being made toward you be considered funny or lighthearted? Or are all of them patently offensive unless one is already fat and talking to another fat person or only amongst fat females talking amongst themselves?

I notice in chat it is taken lighthearted when a fat person mentions their own size in a humorous context and my S/O knows that when I tell her something similar about her body or make a joke that is size relative to her that it is meant a certain way and not in an insulting manner. We do have fun with it and sometimes she even takes the joke and goes one step further. 

I am not speaking about strangers on the street but friends acquaintances and lovers in various private and social settings. I would hate to think that over the years I have been offending people with ignorance toward this and they have suffered in silence because of my insensitivity to something I was not aware of. I take the tone of the conversation into account as well as the level of comfort of the person about themselves in relation to the comment being made but now I feel that I may have acted, in the past, uncouth without realizing.

What is the socially acceptable convention and context for these types of lighthearted comments or jokes if any?

Rollhandler


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## fatgirlflyin (Sep 4, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> Is there any situation where a joke or offhanded comment about ones size or body shape being made toward you be considered funny or lighthearted? Or are all of them patently offensive unless one is already fat and talking to another fat person or only amongst fat females talking amongst themselves?



From a fat girlfriend or my fat s/o a fat joke is ok and isn't usually offensive to me. From someone who isn't fat, or has never been fat, fat joke isn't appropriate no matter how light hearted.


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## ashmamma84 (Sep 4, 2009)

I am not so sensitive about being fat that I can't share in a laugh at something that's genuinely funny. My partner and I were laying in bed, spending a quiet evening at home and she turned to me and said, "Baby you ain't got no ankles! Baby where are your ankles?!" And it was the funniest thing to me because I knew she was joking, but seemed so concerned. So we both had a good laugh about it. 

Intent, in this case, is probably everything. If she would have looked at me in disgust and said it, her ass would have probably been sleeping on the concrete that night.  But, I know where her heart is.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 4, 2009)

It really depends on the situation to me...Some random asshole on the street is going to get a good cussing,but others that I know are playing with me I tend to go with the flow..Hell I even make jokes about my own body,I even insult myself from time to time and laugh..


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## Vespertine (Sep 4, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Do you ladies like accents and if so, which ones?



Yes, I like accents. Probably all of them. A good voice is essential, and an accent could be a very nice icing on the cake.



rollhandler said:


> Is there any situation where a joke or offhanded comment about ones size or body shape being made toward you be considered funny or lighthearted? Or are all of them patently offensive unless one is already fat and talking to another fat person or only amongst fat females talking amongst themselves?
> 
> I notice in chat it is taken lighthearted when a fat person mentions their own size in a humorous context and my S/O knows that when I tell her something similar about her body or make a joke that is size relative to her that it is meant a certain way and not in an insulting manner. We do have fun with it and sometimes she even takes the joke and goes one step further.



Well, i think you've largely answered your own question. It doesn't bother your SO where it may bother me, surely go by the individual. In general, I'd say to play it safe. I crack jokes about my size all the time, and expect a laugh --but if a bf did this, I would get the idea that he thinks my appearance is more comical rather than attractive, which in turn would make him /very/ unattractive to me. Once a doubt like that gets into my head, I would never forget it, and would have to forget him. So I would suggest caution.


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## Linda (Sep 4, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Do you ladies like accents and if so, which ones?



Accents? Yes please.


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## Linda (Sep 4, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> What is the socially acceptable convention and context for these types of lighthearted comments or jokes if any?




Well this is very situational and differs from person to person. It seems to be ok to joke about it when your around your S/O or a close group of friends. But I will bet you there is someone in the group who is uncomfortable because they are wondering if they should join in the joke or not because they are afraid to offend. I might crack a joke about myself and I have close girlfriends who say..."Stop putting yourself down?" Am I subconciously putting myself down? I have thought about this before and yes I guess I am. 

If I put the joke out there before anyone else does and laugh at it to show them it doesn't bother me, well then others tend to not make fun of me. I think I have learned this behaviour over time. 

Think about it. For example when I was younger, middle school, there was a boy on the bus who always called me fatty and would spit spitballs at me. I would go home crying every single day to my older sister and my mom. They told me, "Just laugh at his jokes like you think they are funnny and eventually he will stop because if he isn't hurting you, it isn't fun for him anymore."

So .... While I do occasionally crack fat jokes with my family and friends, after I sat down and thought about this question more I really think subcontiously it has become some sort of defense mechanism.


On a side note...I am not going to be all serious now. I am a clown at heart.


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## mossystate (Sep 4, 2009)

Rollhandler...if you wonder if you have insulted women, then you probably have. Isn't this like ANY situation where you are not talking to someone you know...well...and you know exactly what is going to be acceptable for them, and not because you assume...but you get to know them?

If you do not struggle with how you relate to and joke with people from other ' groups ', because you know you would not dare risk offending someone who is a mere ' acquaintance ', then you are viewing fat people as worth less consideration.

You don't whip out the humor that turns your crank, without knowing the person in front of you. That seems, to me, something one has learned, long before they reach adulthood, if, like I said, they are not just in it for themselves.

You end the post by saying, " lighthearted "...but, you are still working from what you want from those comments. It is not lighthearted, if the other person does not like it. It's more of a hope that you can convince someone.


One size does NOT ....NOT....NOT....fit all.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 4, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Who or what is one of the people/things you look to for inspiration in your life?



I don't idolize anyone and I wouldn't really say I have any role models. As far as inspiration to be happy and successful, it comes from within myself. I motivate myself and push myself to succeed. I rarely rely on other people or look to them for support as they have a nasty habit of letting me down.


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## Linda (Sep 4, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Who or what is one of the people/things you look to for inspiration in your life?



My son. He is my inspiration, I am a better person because of him that's for sure. Every decision is made with him in minde whether it be political, personal or what's for dinner. He is the center of my world.


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## Tina (Sep 4, 2009)

Just a reminder that it's questions only from FA/FFA; no comments.


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## katherine22 (Sep 5, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> I tread eggshells with this question, but have a very honest desire to know the answer from a variety of sources. Not only will they possibly change a way of thinking for me they may well also change a manner of behaviour I had not thought to be in poor taste. I also would desire that the wording of the question not be taken literally for content but the spirit of intent be spoken to in your answer. I really do mean well in asking although my words may not be perfect in describing the information I am seeking.
> 
> Is there any situation where a joke or offhanded comment about ones size or body shape being made toward you be considered funny or lighthearted? Or are all of them patently offensive unless one is already fat and talking to another fat person or only amongst fat females talking amongst themselves?
> 
> ...



A joke at another's expense even if she is in bed with you as you tell it is always a bad idea.


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## StarWitness (Sep 5, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> Is there any situation where a joke or offhanded comment about ones size or body shape being made toward you be considered funny or lighthearted? Or are all of them patently offensive unless one is already fat and talking to another fat person or only amongst fat females talking amongst themselves?



I wish I could take lighthearted jokes from other people about my weight in stride, but I can't. I guess it's a confidence issue, but also I'm still getting used to the idea of trusting someone who doesn't react negatively to my fatness. But yeah, you have to be really careful when it comes to jokes at other peoples' expense, especially if the topic is something that is a source of insecurity.



UMBROBOYUM said:


> Do you ladies like accents and if so, which ones?



Anything from the British Isles or a former British colony, really (barring the US, being from here I don't hear much of an accent!).... English, Scottish, Irish, Australian, Indian by way of a British education (like Mohinder on _Heroes_; damn I am glad he's the narrator), etc etc.

In terms of from the US: Hawaiian accents. I love it. A Southern drawl from the right mouth can be really attractive too.


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## Fascinita (Sep 5, 2009)

butch said:


> I also think it is cool that we can politely self-police the board, and remind FAs when they've perhaps stepped over the line. Its even better when those FAs can recognize their error, and apologize. I don't know why the self-policing in this thread doesn't serve as an adequate response to the problem about what types of sexuality will be discussed in this forum? I didn't see any questions rising to the level of pornography, so do people want the mods to delete? I am curious, do people want that level of editing in this forum, because I personally find it too much, or am I wrong in thinking that it is OK for the members of this board to do a little compassionate or tough love self policing of the threads, and leaving it a that? Especialy if it can then stand as an example for people who come to the thread after the fact about what is acceptable and what isn't for this thread and this forum?



No, I think the self-policing works out fine for the most part--sometimes I think a more heavy hand is certainly necessary, as when people needle BBWs or downright negate BBW opinions or feelings. Above anything else, I wanted to concur with and expand on olwen's point in my way because I found myself agreeing with her. Your post made a nifty springboard to doing just that. I like the idea of reasoning out the reasons why in public, so people who are reading can understand where we--as individuals and as fat women--are coming from. The curiosity is there, and I think while there's an audience it's important to be very frank about the fact that some of that curiosity about fat women (and fat people in general) is "loaded" with assumptions that don't always feel great to the objects of those assumptions. It's about claiming subjectivity, in the end, I think--speaking for myself only, of course.


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## katherine22 (Sep 5, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> No, I think the self-policing works out fine for the most part--sometimes I think a more heavy hand is certainly necessary, as when people needle BBWs or downright negate BBW opinions or feelings. Above anything else, I wanted to concur with and expand on olwen's point in my way because I found myself agreeing with her. Your post made a nifty springboard to doing just that. I like the idea of reasoning out the reasons why in public, so people who are reading can understand where we--as individuals and as fat women--are coming from. The curiosity is there, and I think while there's an audience it's important to be very frank about the fact that some of that curiosity about fat women (and fat people in general) is "loaded" with assumptions that don't always feel great to the objects of those assumptions. It's about claiming subjectivity, in the end, I think--speaking for myself only, of course.



Great points. I would hope FAs would visit and learn how their observations come off to fat women. If you have limited experience with fat women, you can learn so much here.


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## StarWitness (Sep 5, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> No, I think the self-policing works out fine for the most part--sometimes I think a more heavy hand is certainly necessary, as when people needle BBWs or downright negate BBW opinions or feelings. Above anything else, I wanted to concur with and expand on olwen's point in my way because I found myself agreeing with her. Your post made a nifty springboard to doing just that. I like the idea of reasoning out the reasons why in public, so people who are reading can understand where we--as individuals and as fat women--are coming from. The curiosity is there, and I think while there's an audience it's important to be very frank about the fact that some of that curiosity about fat women (and fat people in general) is "loaded" with assumptions that don't always feel great to the objects of those assumptions. It's about claiming subjectivity, in the end, I think--speaking for myself only, of course.



Yes. This. What she said. 100%.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Sep 6, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> What personality traits do you find attractive in your partner or potential partner?
> For example, is it
> Humor?
> Adventurous?
> ...



Kindness and intelligence (w/out being egotistical about it)


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## MatthewB (Sep 6, 2009)

What do you find most exciting about being a BBW?


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## MizzSnakeBite (Sep 6, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Do you ladies like accents and if so, which ones?



Oh yes......... Any British accent, Aussie, and Southern (I'm from the South, so it's I guess a comfort thing; gentleman sounding I guess to my Southern ears lol).

I had a history prof in college that was English. All of us (females) couldn't get enough of it :smitten: .


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## mossystate (Sep 6, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> What do you find most exciting about being a BBW?



Odd question, unless you are looking for sexual/ physical comments? What is exciting about being thin. What is exciting about having green eyes. What is exciting about being short. Being fat is not ' exciting '. Seems to be another way to ask about parts? I just am not sure at this point.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Sep 6, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Brains or Brawn in a Partner*?
> 
> *No cheating  - can't say both*



Brains, brains, brains, brains, BRAINS!!!!!!


----------



## MatthewB (Sep 6, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Odd question, unless you are looking for sexual/ physical comments? What is exciting about being thin. What is exciting about having green eyes. What is exciting about being short. Being fat is not ' exciting '. Seems to be another way to ask about parts? I just am not sure at this point.


Well, are you excited by being admired, such as on these boards, for being a BBW?


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## mossystate (Sep 6, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> Well, are you excited by being admired, such as on these boards, for being a BBW?



Excited? No. If someone is attracted to me, it is nice to hear it, as long as it is not cheesy and stupid. Random ' admiration ', just because I am fat?...yawn. I do not have fat on the brain 24/7. While fat is what put most of us here on Dims, it does not mean I am always ' on point ', tongue out...waiting for the next thrilling comment because I am fat. So...excited ...no.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 6, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> What do you find most exciting about being a BBW?




The better question would have been what do you find most exciting about being a female...


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## Donna (Sep 6, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Do you ladies like accents and if so, which ones?



For me, an American southern drawl does it every time. My husband grew up in North Georgia and Louisiana, so his a mixture of the two regional accents that is like music to my ears. I grew up hearing Scottish brogues as well. that would be my second choice.




rollhandler said:


> I tread eggshells with this question*snip*
> 
> Is there any situation where a joke or offhanded comment about ones size or body shape being made toward you be considered funny or lighthearted? Or are all of them patently offensive unless one is already fat and talking to another fat person or only amongst fat females talking amongst themselves?
> *snip*
> What is the socially acceptable convention and context for these types of lighthearted comments or jokes if any? *snip*



You know, if you feel like you have to walk on eggshells, then you can be pretty sure you will, no matter how you phrase it, end up pissing someone off. But that is neither here nor there with regarding to your question, just felt the need to throw that in. 

As for jokes and offhanded comments (which I think are completely different), I would say no, not funny. As Katherine said very astutely, a joke at anyone's expense is a bad idea. Don't get me wrong, I am not without a sense of humor when it comes to my size and have made jokes about it myself. Self depreciating humor can send some strong messages to those around us. If my husband were to make a joke about my size I would bristle, even though I know in my heart he isn't coming from a malicious place. 

If you have to ask if something is offensive, then you can rest assure someone will find it offensive. 



Cors said:


> Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?



Not really. My natural inclination is not to be very open with anyone who is a stranger. Or really friendly for that matter. I am polite and observe all the common social rules of interaction...I don't go around slapping toddlers or tripping little old ladies. I just don't go out of my way to greet strangers and I have to know folks pretty well before I will open up. 

I can't say for sure if I am who I am because I am fat, though. I have an inkling I would be this way as well if I had been thin.


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## olwen (Sep 6, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> Well, are you excited by being admired, such as on these boards, for being a BBW?



This is a better question.

Depends on who's doing the admiring. If it's someone who I want to notice me in real life, then yeah it's exciting as it would be for anyone I suppose, but on the internet it doesn't amount to much for me. At times it can be the same as the disgusting sexual remarks some guys spew at me in real life. I suspect, no woman fat or thin likes those kinds of remarks. The only real saving grace about being fat when it comes to this is that I don't have to deal with those remarks as often as thin women do.


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## Fascinita (Sep 6, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> Well, are you excited by being admired, such as on these boards, for being a BBW?



Sorry to have to put it to you this way, Matt, but this question seems a little silly. For example, are _you_ excited by being admired for having brown hair? Sure, maybe you feel good about the attention... but do you honestly go home at the end of the day feeling excitement that people paid attention to your brown hair? 

At best, being noticed for any of my physical qualities acts as a reminder that some people find me attractive. That may bolster my ego and my confidence incidentally a little bit, but the effect is much too small to really qualify as "exciting." "Exciting" is when I land a dream job or when the man I'm in love with does something special for me. Having random admiration thrown at some aspect of my body is _per se_ not nearly enough to excite me.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 6, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



I have more time to speculate about what I say here that I don't in real time...so some of my rougher edges are smoothed out here thanks to the edit button. 

I also cannot be as flirty or dirty humored out in reality for obvious reasons.....though I am saying here whatever pops into my mind....so it's safe to say that I think the same in reality....just don't speak my mind as much. 



tonynyc said:


> *Brains or Brawn in a Partner*?
> 
> *No cheating  - can't say both*



I can't say both....even if I prefer both? :batting:

Brains tend to win in the long run


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 6, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> What do you find most exciting about being a BBW?




Sometimes, mens on the intranets tell me I'm purdy...otherwise it's not really exciting at all.


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## Punkin1024 (Sep 6, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Do you ladies like accents and if so, which ones?


 Love accents! Mostly Irish, Scottish and English.



Cors said:


> Okay, another question. Do you as BBWs feel more open and friendly towards a fat stranger than a thin one?



I tend to be friendly towards anyone that will meet eye contact and smile. Though, I have noticed that I tend to pay more attention to fat people - perhaps because I want them to feel positive about themselves. However, in most cases, I've noticed if you smile - people generally tend to smile back.



tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



I'm more quiet in real life. It takes me a while to feel comfortable in a new situation because I tend to like to think before I speak.


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## joswitch (Sep 7, 2009)

Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you? Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better? And in what way(s)? If you could magically change things would you: Erase FAs from existence (or just change our orientations if you're not down with making people disappear! Lol!) / just keep the bisizuals / leave things as they are / or make more FAs??


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 7, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Do you ladies like accents and if so, which ones?


 


Love accents! Aussies and south Tx to be exact..I loved being in Australia for 3 months and listening to them all talk..I was in heaven!


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## katherine22 (Sep 7, 2009)

BubbleButtBabe said:


> Love accents! Aussies and south Tx to be exact..I loved being in Australia for 3 months and listening to them all talk..I was in heaven!



I would sleep with an armadillo if it had a Texas accent.


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## katherine22 (Sep 7, 2009)

joswitch said:


> Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you? Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better? And in what way(s)? If you could magically change things would you: Erase FAs from existence (or just change our orientations if you're not down with making people disappear! Lol!) / just keep the bisizuals / leave things as they are / or make more FAs??



I am glad that there are FAs , as they had to overcome a lot of conditioning to see the beauty of fat women.


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## katherine22 (Sep 7, 2009)

Suze said:


> Yup. There seem to be a lack of confident bbws around here, and many do not care about how they look. I can count on one hand how many well put together fat women I've seen in 2009 so far. (IRL of course)
> I guess i stand out from all the sweatpants and scrunchies and some people get a omgzwhodoesshethinksheis!?-reaction from that.
> 
> Just a theory. I really don't know!


 
I adore seeing fat women who enjoy fashion and dressing up. I hate seeing fat women who look sloppy since it can look pathological like clinical depression.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 7, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> I would sleep with an armadillo if it had a Texas accent.




LOL Just make sure he is from south TX since they have the deeper drawl! Closer to Louisiana the better..


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## katherine22 (Sep 7, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> Describe a mysterious man in your own view?
> 
> What makes him mysterious in your opinion?



A man of mystery has an alluring presence that cannot be fully defined. He belongs to himself. There is a difference between a man of mystery and a loner. A man of mystery can be very social and engaging ;it is just that he retains a part of himself and sees value in not revealing everything leaving something for the other person to discover.


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## ashmamma84 (Sep 7, 2009)

joswitch said:


> Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you? Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better? And in what way(s)? If you could magically change things would you: Erase FAs from existence (or just change our orientations if you're not down with making people disappear! Lol!) / just keep the bisizuals / leave things as they are / or make more FAs??



I guess I'm pretty unaffected by FAs. Before I knew about Dims I never had a problem dating or getting attention, etc. I was just a happy chubby chick living her life as she saw fit...and nothing has really changed, except maybe 40+ more lbs of thickness.  It's nice to be appreciated, but then, I've never felt ugly or unattractive so compliments from others is always icing on the (cup)cake. I'm glad that for the women who date FAs you all are around and I'm even happier to hear of fat women who are creating lasting, loving relationships with FAs. Kinda makes me smile. 

And things can stay just as they are. I'm partnered to a wonderful, supportive and _damn_ sexy woman. I'm happy, she's happy, we're happy and I wish everyone else the same -- fat, thin, or in between.


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## katherine22 (Sep 7, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> What do you find most exciting about being a BBW?



What is exciting about being a BBW was having to develop my intellect and imagination to compensate for all the negative reaction to being a fat women. Being fat compelled me to develop other parts of myself since I was not going out on dates. It was exciting sitting home learning philosophy, watercolor painting, designing clothes, learning about history and art, learning to go out in public and eat in a restaurant alone, learning that my self-worth was related to my kindness to others and my achievements and not to what some man thought of me, learning to look in the mirror and know that I was beautiful without the exciting admiration of men on a website. Being fat contributed enormously to my exciting independence.


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## ashmamma84 (Sep 7, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> I adore seeing fat women who enjoy fashion and dressing up. I hate seeing fat women who look sloppy since it can look pathological like clinical depression.



I tend to agree. I hate seeing any woman, fat or thin who looks sloppy. It makes me sad for them because they could be going through a rough time in their life, etc. Like they've totally given up engaging in self care and maybe in life. 

I've a friend who went through a severe bout of depression. She stopped showering, cleaning her house, etc. Instead of just throwing up my hands and being judgemental or acting oblivious, I broached the subject with some sensitivity and concern and she opened up to me and told me some truly heartbreaking things. 

Long story short, I was by her side when she decided to take steps to cope/deal with her depression. I took her to some of her doc appts. and accompanied her at therapy sometimes (I wasn't sitting on the couch with her, but in the waiting room for support). Things haven't completely turned around for her, but she's a helluva lot better than when she started out. She's stronger now and feels like she can face another day; she didn't have that before. I'm so proud of her because of how strong and brave she was/is. 

And now that I've taken this thread off topic, as you all were...


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## Tracyarts (Sep 7, 2009)

" Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you? Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better? And in what way(s)? "

For the most part it's really been a nonissue for me. I was one of the young fat women who never had trouble getting a boyfriend or finding a date. Most of the men I have ever been in relationships with were the type who preferred women who ranged from just curvy to outright fat. They had a very broad range of body shapes, sizes, and types that they found attractive. A few were true "any shape or size, it's all good" types who could find a supermodel or a SSBBW equally attractive, based on other characteristics than body size. And that's probably got a lot to do with the fact that I don't have any kind of body shape/size/type preference when it comes to men I find attractive. 

What has affected me and made me feel anything but empowered as a fat woman, was meeting several FAs who objectified and fetishized fat womens' bodies and didn't really treat them in a way that showed any kind of "admiration". It really did a number on my mind, as I had been lucky enough to not be exposed to men who treated women that way in my early dating years. I remember being rejected because of my size twice before I even learned of such a thing as an "FA". Once by a popular boy in junior high who told me that he'd be my boyfriend if I was skinny. Once by a boy in high school I liked who said he liked me too, but didn't want to date in "public" because I weighed more than him and was as tall as him. But, once I was introduced to the "size subculture" so to speak (when I was between relationships and looking for somebody new), I learned what it felt like to have my body scrutinized, criticized, and to be blatantly rejected because it didn't measure up. And that made me feel anything but empowered as a fat woman and made me pretty bitter about it too.

Tracy


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## mossystate (Sep 7, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> I adore seeing fat women who enjoy fashion and dressing up. I hate seeing fat women who look sloppy since it can look pathological like clinical depression.



But, let's be careful we are not judging, too harshly, those who might not care...but are not depressed. A woman can be ' well-groomed ', and might have little real joy in their life. Of course, I sometimes view women who HAVE to be shopping all the time, and have to have their toes done, or they feel like they might die a little...as trying too hard to convince themselves of something. Guess we should all be more careful about how we view others. ' Sloppy ' can sometimes just mean a woman is elsewhere in her head...and that can be a magical thing.


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## Teleute (Sep 7, 2009)

I agree completely that sloppy is not always depressed; I think it's more apparent in posture/facial expressions/etc, in both the immaculately groomed and those who are considerably less than immaculate. Seeing someone who appears depressed does really hurt me, because I remember what it was like, and it twists my stomach. Getting back to the original question, though... I wouldn't say that someone being fat or thin makes a difference in my level of comfort with a stranger. I am a very open and friendly person anyway (which apparently comes across to everyone, because random people start conversations with me at an alarmingly high rate, even when I'm NOT being extra-friendly), and I think what makes the most difference in my comfort level or openness (based purely on visual information) is clothing or accessories that indicate the person is quirky, geeky, queer-friendly, etc. If they're wearing a pin that says "Reality is for people who can't handle &#8730;-1" or a rainbow wristband or squid earrings, then they seem more like me, and therefore more comfortable. The weight really doesn't make a difference.


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## Fyreflyintheskye (Sep 7, 2009)

-truncated-


Spanky said:


> Somehow, though, from the observing perspective, BBWs seem to find clothes that fit, and sometimes fit very nicely.



Trial and error... and at least a 3% lycra blend is a God send. I couldn't be arsed to alter something on my own or go out to get anything altered unless it were something formal. Lycra is magic.


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## ashmamma84 (Sep 7, 2009)

In my mind, sloppy is a refusal or inability to take care of themselves. It has nothing to do with being fashionable or not. At the very least, a shower, brushing teeth, combing hair, etc. should be done. I'm not suggesting a woman needs to dress to the nines at all. But I am saying that when I see a person who clearly isn't even doing the bare bones minimum it makes my heart sink a little. 

And while sloppy might not equal depressed, unfortunately alot of people view those who don't take care of themselves that way. We all judge people based on what we see initially; sad but true that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but alot of folks won't bother to crack it open if it's looking kinda shabby.


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## Fyreflyintheskye (Sep 7, 2009)

zanza said:


> This does seems really interesting as well as insightful, so I suppose I post a quandary for the "plus-size lovelies" of Dim's.
> 
> I guess consider myself an art dork without a real "muse". I have been finding myself wondering if I should allow my interest and preferences in terms of the female form become the thing that drives my work or not. I suppose I have been unsure what to do in terms of pursuing it. I feel like I have areas I need to work on as well as wanting to get back into life drawing again.
> 
> ...



I dig this question and gave it some thought  
1) if it's a request for a paysite appearance, I feel insulted because I tend to think someone is trying to use me; strikes a nerve because that's not my thing/never done it/not interested. If it's for a site of someone's drawing, painting, or photography, I am still a bit leery because I don't consider myself photogenic; I'm the person who will make a face or do something bizarre just for a laugh, so I'll be a bit suspicious once again unless I know the person very well. 

2) I think your candor is probably key to the approach. If it's for something you intend to be some kind of a nude and displayed publicly on your site or another/portfolio or in a book, don't beat around the bush, just come out with it. A lot of women would not be up for that (I'm one of them), so don't waste their time trying to candycoat the "beauty of being naked." We're NOT prudish! We know it's awesome, but some of us just do not wish to be awesome unless in the company of someone with whom we're very close lol :happy: The other reason to ask discreetly is to decrease the pressure of others. I don't think anyone necessarily wants to feel cornered into something by you -and- others at the same time. It comes off as a bit pushy if you ask someone in public and their friends are with them or your friends are there so there is all this back-and-forth. It can be very intimidating to people like myself and many others. Be discreet and allow someone time to give it some thought... like, "I'm working on ____ for ___. It may be ____ pose or may even be tasteful nudity. I was interested in you as a model because ___. Here's my number/e-mail/website portfolio if you're interested." Private, concise, and done. 

3) My general impression is initially a good one. It's flattering that someone would ask or show interest, but I think it's paramount to clearly indicate the nature of the work if you haven't already established a friendship/rapport with the person you're asking... and, even if you have, just to cover the bases. You wouldn't want a friend to suspect you're just trying to capitalize on them because that can very quickly sink your closeness to someone.


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## phatkhat (Sep 7, 2009)

Does my wife "really" like it when I rub her belly during sex or is she just trying to be nice?


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 7, 2009)

phatkhat said:


> Does my wife "really" like it when I rub her belly during sex or is she just trying to be nice?



No one can answer this except your wife.


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## kayrae (Sep 7, 2009)

*Hahahahahahaha*


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## mossystate (Sep 7, 2009)

Jebus........


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## Teleute (Sep 7, 2009)

Snerk. 

Next caller, please!


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## Fascinita (Sep 7, 2009)

ashmamma84 said:


> sad but true that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but alot of folks won't bother to crack it open if it's looking kinda shabby.



This is going to sound very "high school guidance counselor," but I know for a fact that many people don't care that a lot of folks wouldn't bother to crack open the book based on its cover: they tend to relate to people who have the ability to go deeper than appearances. It's true of the several "sloppy" geniuses I know.


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## Suze (Sep 8, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> I adore seeing fat women who enjoy fashion and dressing up. I hate seeing fat women who look sloppy since it can look pathological like clinical depression.


I also love looking at well-dressed women. Must admit it's much more exciting to spot a fashionable fat woman, since the slender ones are _everywhere_. 

One of my closest friends have said herself that she knows she dress sloppy and doesn't care. She's probably the most confident & free-spirited person I've ever met. 

Just wanted to point out that there's exceptions from the rule!


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 8, 2009)

phatkhat said:


> Does my wife "really" like it when I rub her belly during sex or is she just trying to be nice?




I would hope only your wife knows the answer to this one...Hahahaha


----------



## Carrie (Sep 8, 2009)

joswitch said:


> Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you?


God, no, perish the thought! The really good ones make having to wade through the less than stellar ones worth it. Just like with non-FAs, I imagine.


joswitch said:


> Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better?


Better. Until my first positive FA experience, I had never ever known what it felt to be truly physically desired by someone. It was a heady experience, after so many years of being resigned to never feeling that kind of passion. Take that physical pull and add in a mental and emotional "click" with another person and it's a feeling so amazing, I'd not trade it for anything in the world. 


joswitch said:


> And in what way(s)? If you could magically change things would you: Erase FAs from existence (or just change our orientations if you're not down with making people disappear! Lol!) / just keep the bisizuals / leave things as they are / or make more FAs??


More FAs. The dating pool is just far too shallow. Or maybe all the fat chicks are displacing the water? Either way, more FAs, please. :batting:


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## msbard90 (Sep 8, 2009)

phatkhat said:


> Does my wife "really" like it when I rub her belly during sex or is she just trying to be nice?



Oh come on!
<<honk!>> NEXT!


----------



## Cors (Sep 8, 2009)

Many queer people complain about this and I imagine that it might apply to the community here. Do you feel that the BBW/FA community (whether in your area or online) is too small and incestuous? Have you ever been affected by gossip?


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## mszwebs (Sep 8, 2009)

Cors said:


> Many queer people complain about this and I imagine that it might apply to the community here. Do you feel that the BBW/FA community (whether in your area or online) is too small and incestuous? Have you ever been affected by gossip?



Absolutely. And I won't lie, i've gossiped with the best and the worst. 

But the hardest part is the fact that you can't throw a rock without finding a guy that your friends have not dated, slept with or at least liked. Ok, maybe that's. A slight exaggeration, but slight is the key word. Its sad to see friendships messed up over it... And it hurts friendships with the women AND the men.


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## LillyBBBW (Sep 8, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Absolutely. And I won't lie, i've gossiped with the best and the worst.
> 
> *But the hardest part is the fact that you can't throw a rock without finding a guy that your friends have not dated, slept with or at least liked.* Ok, maybe that's. A slight exaggeration, but slight is the key word. Its sad to see friendships messed up over it... And it hurts friendships with the women AND the men.



DING DING DING DING!!!! The nail on the head it's like a minefield out there. And there's nothing like losing all your friends over a collecter who most likely will forget all about you the following day. yay. I don't touch ANYBODY at these things.


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## Carrie (Sep 8, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Absolutely. And I won't lie, i've gossiped with the best and the worst.
> 
> But the hardest part is the fact that you can't throw a rock without finding a guy that your friends have not dated, slept with or at least liked. Ok, maybe that's. A slight exaggeration, but slight is the key word. Its sad to see friendships messed up over it... And it hurts friendships with the women AND the men.





LillyBBBW said:


> DING DING DING DING!!!! The nail on the head it's like a minefield out there. And there's nothing like losing all your friends over a collecter who most likely will forget all about you the following day. yay. I don't touch ANYBODY at these things.


Agreed with both of you 100%. But even if I'm not friends with the other woman/the ex/whatever, it still kind of bugs me to potentially date someone who's dated someone else in the community, at least very visibly. I don't know, it just violates my sense of privacy, I suppose. But yes, yes, as I always say, more lovely FAs would be a very good thing, I think.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 8, 2009)

Cors said:


> Many queer people complain about this and I imagine that it might apply to the community here. Do you feel that the BBW/FA community (whether in your area or online) is too small and incestuous? Have you ever been affected by gossip?



Yep. Hell, I haven't even met most people on here in real life and I'm STILL dragged into drama/gossip. Everyone is dating everyone else and any visible member has already dated someone else (or 2 or 3 or 4) visible and everyone seems to know the details. It's kinda weird.


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## Tracyarts (Sep 8, 2009)

" But the hardest part is the fact that you can't throw a rock without finding a guy that your friends have not dated, slept with or at least liked. "

That's something that I went out of my way to avoid not only in the local BBW/FA scene, but also in any other "scene" I tended to be involved with. I learned the hard way just how much drama can go down in a situation like that pretty early on in my dating life, and decided that it'd be best to only date outside any social scene I belonged to, and even outside overlapping scenes too, just to be safe. IMHO, "scene politics" aren't very condusive to nurturing a healthy relationship. And all the interfucking and the drama over who is with who's ex, and who is with who somebody else might have been interested in, was just more than I wanted to deal with. And at least in the BBW/FA scene, it seemed like the ratio of so many more women than men just made it worse. 

I always preferred to be somewhere between the fringes and the inner circles. That way I was close to the action but not close enough to get sucked into the craziness. I won't lie, it was pretty amusing to watch the drama go down as long as I wasn't a part of it. And it seemed like each "scene" had it's own fair share of it too. 

Tracy


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## MizzSnakeBite (Sep 9, 2009)

Suze said:


> I also love looking at well-dressed women. Must admit it's much more exciting to spot a fashionable fat woman, since the slender ones are _everywhere_.
> 
> One of my closest friends have said herself that she knows she dress sloppy and doesn't care. She's probably the most confident & free-spirited person I've ever met.
> 
> Just wanted to point out that there's exceptions from the rule!




I love fashion and dressing nicely, but it can be very, very expensive to do so if you're a large BBW (over size 28) or a SSBBW. Even the basic pieces are expensive. And then finding the nice clothing is an issue for the much larger sized women. When you do find it, the prices make you want to pass out lol. 

Finding well fitting clothing is a problem too since one often has to order online or through a catalog, and you cannot try on various sizes and styles. So I'm just throwing out there that some may not be dressed well just because they cannot afford the high cost of the clothing. 

I'll admit that when I'm home, 99% of the time I look awful wearing my "bird shirts." I have parrots and they tend to chew holes in clothing no matter how well you watch them. I've given up and just wear the well ventilated shirts they've made for me.


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## msbard90 (Sep 9, 2009)

Cors said:


> Many queer people complain about this and I imagine that it might apply to the community here. Do you feel that the BBW/FA community (whether in your area or online) is too small and incestuous? Have you ever been affected by gossip?



I do notice that, especially online. I might be wrong, but I think its like 11 FA's to every bbw, so you know theres recycling of women going around. I prefer to keep my sexual relationships in the real world


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## Tau (Sep 9, 2009)

joswitch said:


> Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you? Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better? And in what way(s)? If you could magically change things would you: Erase FAs from existence (or just change our orientations if you're not down with making people disappear! Lol!) / just keep the bisizuals / leave things as they are / or make more FAs??



FA's have made my life better. The few I've met have turned out to be truly amazing people and there is still nothing in my life that can match that moment of relief when I realised men who find fat girls hot do exist and are not a pitiful figment of my imagination. As for changes, many, many more FAs who live outloud and proud of the women they adore are needed. There's too many of the wishy-washy, fraidy cat variety.


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## msbard90 (Sep 9, 2009)

Okay, so I've done enough answering for the moment- now its time for a question!

_When you go out to eat with your family and friends that are thin, how do you act? Does the person you go out with subconciously influence what you would order? Do you ever feel self concious when you are eating faster or more than your family or friends? Do you feel like you have to "hide" what you would normally order or order/consume less food just to avoid the flack from your friends/family? I know that this site has a lot of people who are very confident with their size, but I just want to know people's feelings about this. _


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## superodalisque (Sep 9, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Absolutely. And I won't lie, i've gossiped with the best and the worst.
> 
> But the hardest part is the fact that you can't throw a rock without finding a guy that your friends have not dated, slept with or at least liked. Ok, maybe that's. A slight exaggeration, but slight is the key word. Its sad to see friendships messed up over it... And it hurts friendships with the women AND the men.



i really feel you. thats also another reason i don't date in the community. i never have and it has still caused a lot of unnecessary uncomfortable feelings that have really made me feel awful. i like keeping my private life simple. i know that dating etc... does not have to be so full of covert or overt drama. i'm pretty sensitive and i can feel it if a woman has some kind of an axe to grind. or sometimes the whole situtation is just too embarrassing for everybody involved. usually i just stay away. the sad thing is it happens with people i really like over guys i've never touched or even had a private phone conversation with. i have missed out on a lot of possibly great friendships because of it, both male and female, and it really saddens me.


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## superodalisque (Sep 9, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> What do you find most exciting about being a BBW?



i like being unique--well not as uniques as ssbbws used to be but...


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## superodalisque (Sep 9, 2009)

joswitch said:


> Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you? Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better? And in what way(s)? If you could magically change things would you: Erase FAs from existence (or just change our orientations if you're not down with making people disappear! Lol!) / just keep the bisizuals / leave things as they are / or make more FAs??




i actually really like FAs warts and all. i've talked to enough that i think i kind of get where the warts come from and most of a time they aren't coming from a negative place. i find them to be fun and interesting for the most part. that doesn't mean i can necessarily date one. it would depend on the guy. just being an FA is not enough to make me love or hate someone. for me the FA situation and dating is a bit hard to reconcile--and not because he is an FA per say but because of practical reasons surrounding that. when i am saying FA here i mean card carrying members of the community.

1. people who call themselves FAs are usually dating in the community which means they are always dating or are an interest of a friend or someone you would like to be your friend. that is very awkward.

2. a lot of card carrying FAs are very caught up in the physical. when they are in the community they are usually still on a voyage of self discovery and they are often there because their #1 concern is finding someone fat. a lot haven't had much relationship experience. a lot are still are or appear to be driven mainly by sexual hunger.

3. i tend to like to meet someone in a more natural way. i don't feel so much like meat and i'm more comfortable. don't get me wrong i like to be appreciated for what i look like but there has to be other things and that environment doesn't seem to play those other things up very well. respect is extremely important to me and immature cat calling type behavior just doesn't do it for me. i'm also put off by people who are handsy without an invitation or just handsy because someone else is fat and makes themselves available--not because they are actually interested in the person. i have these romantic sensibilities that don't match up with real life--and i know it. i dont think it makes them a bad person. i know there is a hunger to touch fat women. but i'm put off by that kind of behavior especially if its done in ways that are really pretty socially unacceptable. touching someone's hand or putting your arm around someone in an affectionate way is beautiful--even just in friendship. i just personally find things that look purient distasteful..

5. in terms of just community i would not necessarily intro most younger women i know because it has a tendency to somehow look at bbws and ssbbws in a way that might damage a young woman's self esteem long term. so i'm really careful about. when a bbw comes here she can begin feeling happy and empowered but end feeling more like just a fetish and maybe like a monstrosity depending on who she deals with. that doesn't happen so much with bbws where i am IRL. so usually i find places where they feel like a normal girl who is beautiful and happens to be fat. fetishy behavior with people who don't yet understand the community or want something different can influence some women as one reason for going ahead to have WLS. i know it sounds like an over reaction but i've seen it happen. i also know a lot of longstanding members who also feel that because of thier experiences that its not worth it to stay fat. it makes some women feel that there were no men out there who would just love them because they were beautiful--only because they had fat on them and they didn't really care about the rest. and though some women are fine with it a lot of women don't like being called fatty, piggy, porkie or other words that bring up bad childhood memories. have heard more than one FA say that someone was freakishly huge etc... i'm not condeming anyone--just saying. its not for everybody. they also want more of an emotionally satisfying sexual experience than some of them have gotten. i'm not saying fetish is bad at all--just that its not for everybody. so its good as an FA to go lightly until you are sure someone is into what you are into and not just saying what you want to hear because they are feeling a little desperate. its easy to assume that everyone is --on dims especially. its not fair but people make it an FAs responsibility for how they feel about themselves and thier bodies. those kinds of people probably are not ready to be here anyway--at least not until they understand that its really all about them.


6. there seems to be an underlying assumption that i'll take what i can get just because i'm fat. even a lot of my longtime FA friends just assume that i'm single. find this odd because my thin friends who don't have any idea of any of this have never felt that way about me. other men who have dated or tried to dae me always ask me if i am single. but among FAs i'm alwys assumed to be alone somehow. i date anyone i have a good connection with and it has to be more than physical attraction on his side. i'm not just about taking only what i think i can get. i'm not afraid to let a man outside of the community know it if i'm attracted to him. if a man outside of the community asks me out i'm not afraid to go. i find a lot of FAs agreeing here that they are the only ones who can find us bbws attractive. i date out in the world and i know that men who like different body types also like bbws--even ssbbws like me. they don't ask me to lose weight either. they don't touch me like they dont want to be there or like im disgusting--or perform any of the other horror stories put out by bbws who've never had a relationship with a man who is not an FA or by FAs looking to cut down on the competition. and its not just the stereotypical idea of the undereducated poor black man out in the ghetto somewhere. i find attraction across the board as long as i am open to it. they are not people living in a closet. sometimes i find it really worrying that people who are supposed to find me attractive agree more than the men i date who are not expected to with the presumption that a fat woman is sexually undesireable to most. *big sigh*

having said all of that--i like FAs because i share an appreciation with them. i like them because they can be a lot of fun. they can also help a lot of women to finally see that they are beautiful or at least attractive. a lot of FAs are truly concerned with the issues that bbws face and understand a whole lo of things other guys may not. saying that, those are men who have a whole lot more going for them than just being an FA. in a way your question is like asking all women who are hetereosexual if they like heterosexual men. it just depends on which one you are talking about.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 9, 2009)

joswitch said:


> Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you? Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better? And in what way(s)? If you could magically change things would you: Erase FAs from existence (or just change our orientations if you're not down with making people disappear! Lol!) / just keep the bisizuals / leave things as they are / or make more FAs??




Easiest thing out of all your options would to just widen the field of available men and be thin with the wave of a magic wand 

But let's be realistic....the main thing I don't like isn't really about FAs...it's more some attitudes towards or from them that they are magical.....like unicorns or Prince Charming by default....and that they are just as elusive.

They are men (and women).....I can like a guy the professes love for the skinnies just as easily as I can a guy that digs the fatties......if I think he's a "good guy" that genuinely cares about other people. 

I like FAs that are "generous" in their compliments and good thoughts here. I like FAs that aren't afraid to be themselves. I like men that aren't afraid in general. 

It's just an orientation. Just like being fat is just a body type. I fully admit that even I can get my head wrapped up and around some of the discussions here about FAs and fat people.....but it's the individual people that are special at the end of the day....not the preference. 

Oh....and I dig the bi-sizuals most of all as far as preferences go. Easiest to please, don't you think?


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## Tau (Sep 10, 2009)

msbard90 said:


> Okay, so I've done enough answering for the moment- now its time for a question!
> 
> _When you go out to eat with your family and friends that are thin, how do you act? Does the person you go out with subconciously influence what you would order? Do you ever feel self concious when you are eating faster or more than your family or friends? Do you feel like you have to "hide" what you would normally order or order/consume less food just to avoid the flack from your friends/family? I know that this site has a lot of people who are very confident with their size, but I just want to know people's feelings about this. _



Never with family or friends, but definitely with the people I work with, both past and present. 

Because of a number of South African realities I'm often the only black person in meetings, and a few painfully memorable times, the only black person at functions too. I'm also very often, in fact always, the fattest person there. Most of the people I work with are very health conscious, extremely slender white women. Most of the people I work for are very health conscious white men. I became 'that fat, black girl,' and it wasn't said in a nice way either.

I've met amazing people in my career journey, people who have helped me to grow and have done it generously - but I was also told by the people I have worked with that some clients were uncomfortable with my size, my clothing, my hair, how many muffins I ate at the last breakfast conference and my seemingly unrestrained and endless cleavage . 

My self confidence took a huge knock in my first four years of working in the public relations industry. I stopped eating in the office and at client functions. I stopped buying clothes I liked, stopped wearing makeup, and began a fairly painful battle with eczema and stress. Then I snapped the fuck out of it, quit my fancy corporate comms job and rediscovered myself. The people I work with haven't changed, I have. They order sushi and chicken salad when we go out, I get burgers and pizzas and dessert. I eat as many muffins as I want to at client functions, I laugh as loudly and often as I please, and I do whatever to my hair when I want to. It took 4 years though, 4 years before I could swallow a morsel of what I wanted to eat in front of anybody who wasn't family or a friend. I sincerely hope nobody goes through what I did with their family because I think it would be far more unbearable than what I went through at work.


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## Friday (Sep 13, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Usually, just sending pics of my boobs and asking him to reciprocate with penis photos works so well for me.......



Okay, I'm waaaay behind but this made me laugh out loud and it won't let me rep you. Damn, impertinent machine.


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## luscious_lulu (Sep 13, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *



Yes and No. 

Yes - IRL & online I like to test the waters and get a feel for a situation/people before I jump in.

No - Online I really just like posting on the fun/silly threads. IRL I deal with serious stuff all day. It kinda balances things out for me.


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## luscious_lulu (Sep 13, 2009)

Spanky said:


> I thought of this question today while noticing a nicely dressed BBW walking by.
> 
> Clothes. Everybody has different shaped bodies no matter what your size. BBWs have larger sizes and thus larger differences. If/when you find a rack of jeans or slacks or something more fitted, how do you deal with your "non rack" shape. Do different jean manufacturers style in a way that maybe matches your shape? Does the same size accommodate different shapes? Do you tailor stuff to fit? I mean even a plus sized shop would need to cater from the wides pear through hourglasses to the most appley apple.
> 
> ...



Time and patience. You have to try everything on and have a good seamster/seamstress. Sometimes I have to get alterations done to clothes that I buy.


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## Cors (Sep 16, 2009)

Many of my bigger friends (mostly girls I know in real life but a couple of Dimmers too) tell me that they put in a lot more effort into getting amazing hair, makeup, bags, shoes, other accessories and even bodymods because they feel that it is one of the only ways they can look good and stand out. Can you relate to this?


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## rollhandler (Sep 16, 2009)

I ask this only from the one perspective that I find prevailing through topics on the boards and in chat. If your opinion varies, I am interested to know why you believe it to be so as well. As a male I am seeking to understand how women as the subject of our preference specifically view us in regards to this trait. Also I am checking to see if I am correct in my hypothesis based on what I've seen so far.
Do you believe that the majority of Male FAs tend to be submissive or less aggressive in their relationships with women by the nature of their preference or the nurture of their experiences as an FA in a thin obsessed world knowing they are different from their peers?
Do you believe that the majority of Male FAs are less aggressive or more submissive sexually with women?
Do you believe that a more nurturing male = less aggressive relationship partner or sexual partner by inverse proportion?
Do you believe that FAs by nature are more nurturing partners overall in comparison to non FAs?
It seems to me that by watching the women discussing men on the boards that this would be the prevailing perception.
I am not talking about the ones that persistently go down the list of members looking for immediate gratification in chat or in other closed environments, but male FAs overall. 
If this is so, what would you speculate the reason(s) to be?
What experiences led you to this conclusion?


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 16, 2009)

Cors said:


> Many of my bigger friends (mostly girls I know in real life but a couple of Dimmers too) tell me that they put in a lot more effort into getting amazing hair, makeup, bags, shoes, other accessories and even bodymods because they feel that it is one of the only ways they can look good and stand out. Can you relate to this?



Yeah, I definitely feel this way sometimes. In the past when I was less comfortable with my size this was especially true. I very rarely "bummed it" (a term my friends I use to mean wearing just jeans and a tee or sweatpants with our hair in a bun etc) in public because I felt like I had to look extra good in that sense to balance out the fact that I was fat. I don't feel that way nearly as much anymore but sometimes I find myself still falling into that line of thinking.


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## ashmamma84 (Sep 17, 2009)

Cors said:


> Many of my bigger friends (mostly girls I know in real life but a couple of Dimmers too) tell me that they put in a lot more effort into getting amazing hair, makeup, bags, shoes, other accessories and even bodymods because they feel that it is one of the only ways they can look good and stand out. Can you relate to this?



That hasn't been the case for me. I have always taken pride in my appearance, even when I was a child and I didn't grow up fat or anything. I was the child who wore cardigans, skirts and matching patent leather shoes to preschool. There was one time in particular my Mother decided it would be a good idea to send me in a jogging suit; I was so beside myself and upset once we arrived at the school, I flat out refused to get out of the car.  So she had to damn near threaten me to get me to act right. 

Now that I'm older, I still take pride in my appearance. I have never really thought of myself as invisible though and I'm pretty chunky. I love fashion and I love looking good. Do I feel like I have to compete because I'm not thin? Not really. I have a ton of beautiful clothes and am pretty adept at pairing vintage finds with something I've just purchased; I like a mix of high and low pieces. I've developed my own style and although I have to dress more conservative at work, it still looks like "me". There are alot of trends I bypass and there are some things that "they" (who the EFF is they?) say aren't in style that I'd proudly rock because it's what I like. I don't really go by the rules; I wear what works for me and fits my lifestyle.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 17, 2009)

Cors said:


> Many of my bigger friends (mostly girls I know in real life but a couple of Dimmers too) tell me that they put in a lot more effort into getting amazing hair, makeup, bags, shoes, other accessories and even bodymods because they feel that it is one of the only ways they can look good and stand out. Can you relate to this?




I'm a "girly girl" in my appearance usually. Has nothing to do with my size really because it's how I always was. I can curse like a sailor while wearing a dress though......


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## tonynyc (Sep 17, 2009)

*
One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies. 
*


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 17, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *
> One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies.
> *


Fuck

and 

Fuckety fuck

shitty is pretty good, too. 

Depends on my mood really

Oh and I love to type stfu. I have even said "S T F U" to people in reality....as a joke. It gets us all giggly and shit.....


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## cinnamitch (Sep 18, 2009)

Favorite curse word- needledickbuttfucker


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## olwen (Sep 18, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *
> One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies.
> *



I've always wanted to be asked that. LOL 

Fuck and all of it's derivatives, but especially fuckin-A. I really think it's the most fascinating and most versatile word in the english language. I'm also partial to spanish cuss words, especially Mierda, Cono, and bendeja.


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## littlefairywren (Sep 18, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *
> One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies.
> *



Not very much of a curse word, but "bugger". Very much an Australianism.......is that even a word?

Say it around my Gran and get the death stare lol!


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## Inhibited (Sep 18, 2009)

kmdkml said:


> Not very much of a curse word, but "bugger". Very much an Australianism.......is that even a word?
> 
> Say it around my Gran and get the death stare lol!



I use Bugger as my swear word too.


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## littlefairywren (Sep 18, 2009)

Inhibited said:


> I use Bugger as my swear word too.



Hey a fellow Aussie
Gets quiet here at night, our night lol!


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## steely (Sep 18, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *
> One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies.
> *



Dumbass, and I use it to include everything up to inanimate objects. My go to word. LOL


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## Tina (Sep 18, 2009)

I know some of these really go back a bit, but I figured I'd pick a few to answer...


joswitch said:


> Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you? Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better? And in what way(s)? If you could magically change things would you: Erase FAs from existence (or just change our orientations if you're not down with making people disappear! Lol!) / just keep the bisizuals / leave things as they are / or make more FAs??


Nah, I love FAs and prefer them. This isn't to say that were I single I would never go out with a guy who isn't a FA, but I vastly prefer being with a man who not only desires my fat bod over thin ones, but who cares enough because of his preference to educate himself about being with a supersize woman (parking and seating issues, etc). FAs all the way, baybee! 


tonynyc said:


> *Today's Question*
> 
> *
> Does your [DIMS/online] Persona match your [Real Life/Offline] Persona?
> *


Pretty much, I think, though I can tend to be somewhat quiet and shy, more than what might be expected. Other than that I think I represent myself pretty accurately in the sense that I write pretty much as I speak, for better or for worse. 


Spanky said:


> I thought of this question today while noticing a nicely dressed BBW walking by.
> 
> Clothes. Everybody has different shaped bodies no matter what your size. BBWs have larger sizes and thus larger differences. If/when you find a rack of jeans or slacks or something more fitted, how do you deal with your "non rack" shape. Do different jean manufacturers style in a way that maybe matches your shape? Does the same size accommodate different shapes? Do you tailor stuff to fit? I mean even a plus sized shop would need to cater from the wides pear through hourglasses to the most appley apple.


This is really a pain in the neck, Spankx. No matter where I am on the fat spectrum, and it's changed a good bit over the last 5 years or so, back and forth, I always have at least a 20" differential between my waist and hips, and my legs are very big. This has definite effects on my clothing.

For instance, when creating my wedding dress our own Janelle from Love Your Peaches had to deal with that differential, as my butt raises up the backs of my dresses, so that they are the right length in the front, but from the rear it's about 6 inches or so shorter. Might be amusing for an FA, but not so much for me when I'm trying to look put together. 

Also, that means if I'm wanting to buy a blouse, because I have rather narrow shoulders and my breasts are not huge, if it fits my butt and hips it often swims on my shoulders; and if it fits my shoulders it is too small for my hips. I also have big arms, so if it fits my shoulders, the blouse will often be too small for my arms.

Then there's pants and how it can often happen that if it fits my waist the hips are too small. But more than anything, the legs are always tight.

Really, I need a tailor but cannot afford one and have often wished that fatgirl clothing was made to account for the various body shapes, and especially extremes. 


Cors said:


> Many queer people complain about this and I imagine that it might apply to the community here. Do you feel that the BBW/FA community (whether in your area or online) is too small and incestuous? Have you ever been affected by gossip?


I think it can be, yes. And I have been the subject of gossip often. And as with most gossip, it's rarely true, or there is a grain of truth to it and it's magnified so that the grain is a mountain. I know this is how it often goes, and I pretty much ignore it. I no longer chat, as when I used to chat I became the subject of gossip for reasons I couldn't figure out that had no bearing on reality. This was years ago, but it colored my experience and now I don't really have the time for it, but even if I did, I doubt I'd have the inclination. I've heard from others who have had experiences similar to mine and it can be frustrating. I figure, though, that those who know me know who I am and what to believe and those who do not don't matter.


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## Vespertine (Sep 18, 2009)

Cors said:


> Many of my bigger friends (mostly girls I know in real life but a couple of Dimmers too) tell me that they put in a lot more effort into getting amazing hair, makeup, bags, shoes, other accessories and even bodymods because they feel that it is one of the only ways they can look good and stand out. Can you relate to this?



I've kind of felt the opposite, I don't need to try to stand out, my size makes me highly visible! People never seem to forget me once they've seen me, it is a little unsettling. I've reacted a few different ways at different points in my life, from going with the flow and making myself more visible with loud hair and clothing to trying to look as ordinary as possible. I think I'm kind of in the middle at the moment. 



rollhandler said:


> Do you believe that the majority of Male FAs are less aggressive or more submissive sexually with women?
> Do you believe that FAs by nature are more nurturing partners overall in comparison to non FAs?



I suppose I haven't had /that/ much experience with FAs, but from the few guys I have, they've been more aggressive and less nurturing. Someone please prove me wrong 
FAs who haven't been sexually available to me for whatever reason, tend to be /lovely/ though, and I would say nurturing definitely.



tonynyc said:


> *
> One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies.
> *



Ha! Good one. Anyone who spends any time with me would probably agree, it is usually 'fucks sake' pouring out of my mouth. Followed closely by 'fuck that shit'.


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## bobbleheaddoll (Sep 19, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies. *


 

i rarely ever swear in general conversation...the only time i can get that aggrivated is when i am driving! the people here drive like maniacs and don't use blinkers...makes me nuts! when it gets bad enough there is usually a bevvy of curses shooting out of my mouth...asshole being the most predominant...:blush:


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 19, 2009)

Shit is generally the first swear word to come to mind, although I'm not sure that makes it my favorite.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Sep 19, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *
> One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies.
> *



Fuck and fucking asshole


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## dcoyote (Sep 19, 2009)

Cors said:


> Many of my bigger friends (mostly girls I know in real life but a couple of Dimmers too) tell me that they put in a lot more effort into getting amazing hair, makeup, bags, shoes, other accessories and even bodymods because they feel that it is one of the only ways they can look good and stand out. Can you relate to this?



Personally, I don't. I have seen lots of larger women that do though. I'm really cheap though. I won't spend over $20 on my hair. I don't do much with it most of the time. I usually just wake up and smooth out some of the frizz around my face. I don't always wear makeup either. When I do, I don't go all out. It's usually lipstick and mascara only. I never spend over $30 on shoes either, it's best if it's under $10. My bags are usually handmade. I do like to a bit of jewelry, but I make it. I do have piercings too. However, I just think they look good.

I don't dress to impress people. I've always dressed in what I like, and what I feel comfortable. I want to look like who I am, not put on a show for every one.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Sep 19, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> I ask this only from the one perspective that I find prevailing through topics on the boards and in chat. If your opinion varies, I am interested to know why you believe it to be so as well. As a male I am seeking to understand how women as the subject of our preference specifically view us in regards to this trait. Also I am checking to see if I am correct in my hypothesis based on what I've seen so far.
> Do you believe that the majority of Male FAs tend to be submissive or less aggressive in their relationships with women by the nature of their preference or the nurture of their experiences as an FA in a thin obsessed world knowing they are different from their peers?
> Do you believe that the majority of Male FAs are less aggressive or more submissive sexually with women?
> Do you believe that a more nurturing male = less aggressive relationship partner or sexual partner by inverse proportion?
> ...



No, I don't think FAs are more submissive at all; sexually or otherwise! I do think they in general tend to listen more, but not in a submissive manner. I don't think a more nurturing male is less aggressive in a relationship or as a sexual partner. I personally think that's the case with FAs and non-FAs.

I think it's just a preference.......more so than my preference for men with dark hair and blue or green eyes, but still just a preference. I think FAs are the same as non-FAs. Some are better listeners, some aren't, some are aggressive in bed, some aren't; just like non-FAs. JMHO


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## Teleute (Sep 20, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *
> One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies.
> *



CUNT. Cuntcuntcunt. It's fun to say, definitely my favorite one! I think I use "fuck" more often, though.


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## Inhibited (Sep 20, 2009)

Teleute said:


> CUNT. Cuntcuntcunt. It's fun to say, definitely my favorite one! I think I use "fuck" more often, though.



lmao I <3 it.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 20, 2009)

Teleute said:


> CUNT. Cuntcuntcunt. It's fun to say, definitely my favorite one! I think I use "fuck" more often, though.



Oh gawd....how could I forget the C word? :doh: :bow:

Oh, and I like calling men pricks as much as I enjoy calling women cunts. It's really fun to call a man a cunt though..... What's this fixation on the genitalia, anyway?


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 20, 2009)

Yeah, I enjoy the word cunt as well.. or cunty, like omg she's being so cunty.


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## dcoyote (Sep 20, 2009)

I really don't like that word. I'll say about anything but that word. I won't even type it. I do fuck and variations of the word quite a great deal though. Fucktard is a fun one, but nothing beats a long string of fucks. Fuck yeah!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 20, 2009)

I think assclown does a body good, too......


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## mszwebs (Sep 21, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *
> One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies.
> *



Currently it's FUCK KNOB... But plain old Fuck (and all its variations) is good too.

Also, Bleen, which is a Naughty Russian Word.


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## Linda (Sep 21, 2009)

Gets out a fresh noteboook.....I am really expanding my vocabulary with words I intend to use on a daily basis.

Two of my favorites will now be : assclown and fuck knob. lol Thanks!


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## Carrie (Sep 21, 2009)

Quick sidebar re. the C-word: my senior year of college my friend Amy and I lived with our mutual friend Jim, who referred to as both as "Cunty", like as a nickname. "Hiiiii, Cunty!", that kind of thing. It was weird, if anyone else ever tried that, particularly anyone of the male variety, it would NOT go over well (or go over at all, for that matter), but he was/is one of those rare people who is so off-the-charts darling and good-natured and wicked and hilarious that he just gets away with murder. So I have to admit, Amy and I found it pretty amusing. :happy:

And back on topic, "fuck" is probably my go-to naughty word, though I try to use it sparingly, since it tends to lose its satisfaction level when overly uttered, in my opinion.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 21, 2009)

Carrie said:


> And back on topic, "fuck" is probably my go-to naughty word, though I try to use it sparingly, since it tends to lose its satisfaction level when overly uttered, in my opinion.



So true- timing and placement is everything for ultimate satisfaction


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## butch (Sep 21, 2009)

Cunt is my favorite, which is why I use it so sparingly. I save it for special occasions, I guess. 

The go to curse word is probably a variation of damn it or fuck.


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## comaseason (Sep 21, 2009)

Fuck is my favorite curse word, simply because it's so versatile.  You can really get into it.

I also relish the occasional properly placed cunt, and usually am jealous of others that beat me to it. The word... not the actual... you get what I'm sayin.


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## Tania (Sep 21, 2009)

I LOVE "ASSCLOWN." It's lighter and more creative than the normal, overused workhorses of the cussword community. 

Normally, though, I work in variants of "fuck." Fuckwad, fuckwit, fuckturd, fucko (all nouns), fucky-damn, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck, fuck me, fuck you, fuck that shit, fuck that noise, uckfay, fuck an A...


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## comaseason (Sep 21, 2009)

Tania said:


> I LOVE "ASSCLOWN." It's lighter and more creative than the normal, overused workhorses of the cussword community.
> 
> Normally, though, I work in variants of "fuck." Fuckwad, fuckwit, fuckturd, fucko (all nouns), fucky-damn, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck, fuck me, fuck you, fuck that shit, fuck that noise, uckfay, fuck an A...



HA! Assclown rocks!

A friend of mine got me magnetic poetry that's a whole bunch of the fuck words. Fuckstick, fuckload, fuckhead, fuckwad, fuckwit, etc.

Love it.


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## Tania (Sep 21, 2009)

Hahaha! I want cussmagnets. I WANT TO BE A CUSS POET. 

How does that piece of narrative go in A Christmas Story? "Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master..."


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## superodalisque (Sep 26, 2009)

Do you believe that the majority of Male FAs tend to be submissive or less aggressive in their relationships with women by the nature of their preference or the nurture of their experiences as an FA in a thin obsessed world knowing they are different from their peers?

*i'm not sure about the why of it but i do feel that a lot of FAs that i have known tend to be quite submissive. i was wondering why myself. the idea of admiring someone larger than yourself might say something about a person's nature in and of itself. it might be that the person is just more comfortable not having to be the most powerful and is even excited by the fact that they don't have to be. it may just be that most card carrying FAs i've met have been due to exposure on the net. the few i have met who only like big women IRL haven't been submissive. so i wonder what the act of going online in and of itself says about someone's submissive nature. are people who spend much of thier time online mainly sexually submissive? it could be. a more aggressive person might like actually being "out there" a bit more. so thats also a very interesting and complex question.*

Do you believe that the majority of Male FAs are less aggressive or more submissive sexually with women?

*i have that general impression from the ways that i have been approached but i have absolutely no evidence to prove it. it will be interesting to see what other bbws have to say about that. i wonder what appears to be submissive really isn't since it could be they are still in control of being under someone's control. i think its what i heard referred to as topping once. i wonder if that is truly being submissive? i have no idea. maybe someone who knows more about it can comment. *

Do you believe that a more nurturing male = less aggressive relationship partner or sexual partner by inverse proportion?

*no not at all. if you mean less sexually aggressive. oftentimes who people are sexually can be diametrically opposed to who they are in the world at large. if you are saying that they are less aggressive in general as people i also don't feel that would necessarily making someone more nurturing. it could even possibly make the person be less nurturing in a practical sense because they may not be or might not feel powerful enough to protect or provide when needed. i'm not saying that a man has to provide to be nurturing. i'm just saying that for a BBW and in particular an SSBBW its a nurturing component to have someone who is financially able and socially competent. *

Do you believe that FAs by nature are more nurturing partners overall in comparison to non FAs?

*no i don't think so. i think it depends on the person as in anything else. if anyone loves you and takes a concrete interest in your happiness and well being they can be nurturing to you. i'm not sure that all FAs have the same nurturing nature. i think thier nature are just as widely spread as any other man's. my opinion is that a BBW is in trouble if she's looking at FA status to protect her just as she is missing out if she discounts a non-FA who is nurturing. *

If this is so, what would you speculate the reason(s) to be?
What experiences led you to this conclusions?

*my impressions come from meeting FAs online and off and talking to them in a truthful and honest manner especially my FA friends who don't have a sexual interest in me. hopefully they feel free to talk about what they like and don't like doing without too many judgements or repercussions. my BBW friends also discuss a lot of thier impressions as well. i also observe a lot on my own.*


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## luscious_lulu (Sep 26, 2009)

Do you believe that the majority of Male FAs tend to be submissive or less aggressive in their relationships with women by the nature of their preference or the nurture of their experiences as an FA in a thin obsessed world knowing they are different from their peers?

Not at all. I've met a lot of FA's that are aggressive and some even predatory.

Do you believe that the majority of Male FAs are less aggressive or more submissive sexually with women? 

No, I think they are the same as the general population.

Do you believe that a more nurturing male = less aggressive relationship partner or sexual partner by inverse proportion?

No, someone can be nurturing and still have a strong sexual appetite and aggressive approach to sex. 

Do you believe that FAs by nature are more nurturing partners overall in comparison to non FAs?

Really, this is basically all of the questions above summarized.

I don't think that FA's are any different then the general population. Yes, you will find some that are less aggressive and passive, but you also find aggressive FA's. Aggressive does not automatically equal bad. You can be aggressive and still respect boundaries and be a loving partner.


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## luscious_lulu (Sep 26, 2009)

Cors said:


> Many of my bigger friends (mostly girls I know in real life but a couple of Dimmers too) tell me that they put in a lot more effort into getting amazing hair, makeup, bags, shoes, other accessories and even bodymods because they feel that it is one of the only ways they can look good and stand out. Can you relate to this?



I don't put more effort into my appearance because I'm fat. I'm a girly girl and always have been. I like to wear dresses and high heels. 

If anything affects the amount of effort I put into my appearance it's my mood.


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## luscious_lulu (Sep 26, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *
> One of James Lipton's questions to guest that appears on Bravo TV's Actors Studio is... "What is your favorite curse word?" So... I thought I would ask this of you lovely ladies.
> *



My new favourite is "you fuckin fuck"

I also like cunt/cunty, fuck and kiss my fat fucking ass.


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## Dmitra (Sep 26, 2009)

I'm with the fuck contingent but I have a real fondness for the Esperanto version of goddammit which is kondamni (iirc).

For those times when there's serious silliness with a touch of angsty spazz there's always: shitpissfuckSatanDEATH!!!


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## Cors (Sep 27, 2009)

Do you feel that FAs prefer or expect fat women to be of a certain shape?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 27, 2009)

Cors said:


> Do you feel that FAs prefer or expect fat women to be of a certain shape?



Yep. I tend to think that some of them are way more particular than guys that like thin or a variety of sizes in women

I also believe that could be one of the reasons that some women here don't prefer FAs......but that's just my opinion/observation.

They can like what they like.....so can everyone else.


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## littlefairywren (Sep 27, 2009)

Cors said:


> Do you feel that FAs prefer or expect fat women to be of a certain shape?



Yes. I know one particular FA who has a particular preference and will not deviate from that. But then everyone has a certain taste or desire in a mate, I would be no different.

Each to their own I say


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 27, 2009)

Cors said:


> Do you feel that FAs prefer or expect fat women to be of a certain shape?



Yeah, there seems to be a general preference of pear shaped women. It bothered me at first but then I realized it was unfair to hold animosity towards someone for their preference.


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## olwen (Sep 27, 2009)

Cors said:


> Do you feel that FAs prefer or expect fat women to be of a certain shape?



Don't most straight guys have a preference? Why should FAs be any different? 

On bad days it pisses me off, since I'm not that coveted shape, but whatever, I still respect that. I certainly have preferences of my own that I know some guys wouldn't be too happy about, and I'd expect them to respect my preferences as well.


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## ashmamma84 (Sep 27, 2009)

Cors said:


> Do you feel that FAs prefer or expect fat women to be of a certain shape?



I think all people have preferences or aestetics they find pleasing to the eye. It doesn't really bother me either. Even if top heavy women were all the rage, it still wouldn't matter much to me because it doesn't change my body shape or what I'm working with. The best thing I can do is enjoy the skin I'm in, whatever shape I was blessed with.


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## bbwsrule (Sep 27, 2009)

A different question, which has nothing to do with weight: What type(s) of humor do you prefer? Examples I can think of at the moment are puns, story jokes, practical jokes, skits (a la Saturday Night Live), sitcoms, slapstick, comedy movies. Thanks.

If for some reason your choice has something to do with being a BBW, please include.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 27, 2009)

Standup, funny personal stories and sitcoms generally.


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## Punkin1024 (Sep 28, 2009)

bbwsrule said:


> A different question, which has nothing to do with weight: What type(s) of humor do you prefer? Examples I can think of at the moment are puns, story jokes, practical jokes, skits (a la Saturday Night Live), sitcoms, slapstick, comedy movies. Thanks.
> 
> If for some reason your choice has something to do with being a BBW, please include.



Puns, sitcoms, romantic comedies, and old fashioned stuff (i.e. The Muppets, I Love Lucy, Laurel & Hardy, The Marx Brothers). Usually I'll enjoy any type of comedy as long as it is clean.


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## mossystate (Sep 28, 2009)

I just wanna know Ella's favorite swear word.


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## Teleute (Sep 28, 2009)

I kind of love puns. WAAAAY more than I should. Some standup, but it's limited... a lot of sketch comedy shows are high on my list, though. I tend towards surreal/over the top kind of stuff, like old Monty Python. Also, poop and penis jokes :blush::blush::blush: I KNOW. I am filled with shame. But that doesn't stop me from laughing until I can barely breathe at the most ridiculously juvenile humor. Oh, and I love self-referential and meta-humor. In fact, this:

There once was an X from place B, 
That satisfied predicate P, 
He or she did thing A, 
In an adjective way, 
Resulting in circumstance C. 

is on the meta-humor wikipedia page, and made me giggle intensely. Dialogue and language twists amuse me to no end, especially plays on metaphors/similes (see Dissimile and Metaphorgotten at tvtropes for more). A couple of my favorites from those categories:

[Buffy, season 4 opener] Willow: But here, the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up  you know?  and letting this place thrust into and spurt knowledge into... That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in. 

[Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.


What I absolutely can't STAND are comedies (sitcoms or movies, usually) of the "the universe shits on this one person" type. Like, where every single thing goes wrong, and they scramble trying to fix it, and you can see where it's going to fail, and then it does and everything is even WORSE... Gaaaaaaahhhhhh! I seriously can't handle it - I literally start feeling ill from watching that kind of thing, like I'm going to throw up because I can feel the awfulness of their situation, even though I know it's not at all real. There is just nothing about it that I find enjoyable. I think I have too much empathy :blush:


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## MuleVariationsNYC (Oct 3, 2009)

This:



Teleute said:


> There once was an X from place B,
> That satisfied predicate P,
> He or she did thing A,
> In an adjective way,
> Resulting in circumstance C.



...is awesome. I wish I could rep you for this, as well as being a Whedon fan, but I'm out. So you'll have to be satisfied with public adulation.


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## Fascinita (Oct 3, 2009)

I like slapstick, myself. Nyuk nyuk.

I also like surreal comedy (though Monty Python's all played out, for me.)

A good insult joke at the expense of a pompous or villainous character can make me bust a gut.

And I love satire and parody.

Don't like puns much. Don't find them punny. p See?)


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## comaseason (Oct 4, 2009)

Teleute said:


> [Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.



I <3 Douglas Adams.


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## StarWitness (Oct 5, 2009)

I'm with Teleute, I love self-referential/meta-humor. Related to that, of course, I love parody/satire, and anything that subverts well-established tropes.

I also really enjoy the theatrics of comedy. Weird characters bouncing off each other is always great-- acting is a hobby of mine, so the humor is always enhanced by watching two really talented actors do their thing. Same thing with great standup when the comedian is really talented at improvising-- like there's this track on Patton Oswalt's _Werewolves and Lollipops_ where he shreds a heckler. It's brilliant-- or just straight up storytelling (which is really what standup is, on a certain level).


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 5, 2009)

I tend to prefer the unexpected......and, of course, dirty jokes.....


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## superodalisque (Oct 6, 2009)

i have an affection for double entendre


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## tonynyc (Oct 6, 2009)

*What is your favorite method of relaxation? (for example, reading a book, listening to your favorite CD, yoga etc. etc) *


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## rollhandler (Oct 6, 2009)

1.) As women of size, who were you most influenced by growing up. 
2.) Who were other people of size that had the greatest impact on accepting yourself as attractive, if any.
3.) What large celebrity so far do you see as making the greatest impact in size acceptance.

Rollhandler


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## littlefairywren (Oct 6, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *What is your favorite method of relaxation? (for example, reading a book, listening to your favorite CD, yoga etc. etc) *



Soaking in a big bath of bubbles whilst listening to music and burning nice smelling candles. My idea of heaven:wubu:


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## olwen (Oct 6, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> 1.) As women of size, who were you most influenced by growing up.
> 2.) Who were other people of size that had the greatest impact on accepting yourself as attractive, if any.
> 3.) What large celebrity so far do you see as making the greatest impact in size acceptance.
> 
> Rollhandler



I can only think of Ricky Lake and Jackie Gleason. I didn't have any role models of any kind as a kid, but those two I remember being happy to see onscreen because they were fat. I don't know that any celebrities, as in actors/actresses can actually make much of an impact because after a while they all loose weight and start talking about how bad it is to be fat. But I dunno...maybe Beth Ditto might make a positive impact with her clothing line....


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## olwen (Oct 6, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *What is your favorite method of relaxation? (for example, reading a book, listening to your favorite CD, yoga etc. etc) *



What is this thing you speak of...this "re-lax-a-tion?" LOL Seriously, I don't have time to relax, but when I feel like I need a little get away I go the movies, sit sixth row center with the arms up and a box of m&ms, spread out and immerse myself in whatever is on the screen for two - three hours.


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 7, 2009)

mossystate said:


> I just wanna know Ella's favorite swear word.



Get ready, don't pass out....it's Shit!  Only use that word when something scares me silly or I stub my toe (or something like that). My Mom said that was my Grannie's favorite "by word". If I'm only mildly perturbed I'll say "Shoot".


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 7, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *What is your favorite method of relaxation? (for example, reading a book, listening to your favorite CD, yoga etc. etc) *



Listening to rain. If there's no rain - we have a CD "Thunderstorm" I'll play. I also like to listen to classical music or "new age" relaxation music.

Petting one of my many cats.

Sipping sleepy time tea or cocoa. Painting my fingernails. 

Watching one of my favorite movies.


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## mossystate (Oct 7, 2009)

Punkin1024 said:


> If I'm only mildly perturbed I'll say "Shoot".



Come on, Ella. You KNOW you wanna say, " you cocksniffing mofo ". Ok...maybe it is more that I want to videotape you saying it. 

Your answer made me smile...as I can imagine you saying just that.....shoot. :happy:


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## OneWickedAngel (Oct 7, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *What is your favorite method of relaxation? (for example, reading a book, listening to your favorite CD, yoga etc. etc) *



Go outdoors Take a walk somewhere, especially a park. Foliage, flowers, nature in general is the perfect balm for my frayed nerves. 

Time or weather not permitting, I read; letting my mind go places my body physically can't also relaxes me.

Either way Music is the number one mood alterer for me. If I need to calm down RIGHT NOW, I will grab my iPod, head outside and plug in to prayers, chants, something jazzy or believe it or not thrash metal will actually relax me depending on how desperately I need to get back under control.

*1) Nothing wrong with me. 
2) Nothing wrong with me. 
3) Nothing wrong with me. 
4) Nothing wrong with me 

1) Something's got to give 
2) Something's got to give 
3) Something's got to give 
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!*


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## Tad (Oct 7, 2009)

What is your favorite season, and why?


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 7, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *What is your favorite method of relaxation? (for example, reading a book, listening to your favorite CD, yoga etc. etc) *



Going on the computer & wasting time, and sleeping.



Tad said:


> What is your favorite season, and why?



Summer, no school.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 7, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *What is your favorite method of relaxation? (for example, reading a book, listening to your favorite CD, yoga etc. etc) *



It's really weird......... My African Grey parrot sometimes nestles sorta between my boobs and rests his head on my chest while my arms are wrapped around him. I'll stroke his forehead and give his forehead kisses. He'll close his eyes and make kissy, content sounds to me, and he'll sometimes pick his head up for me to kiss his beak. As I stroke his head, we get in this rhythm of breathing at the same time. He zones off, and I zone off. I'm extremely relaxed when we do this. 

I also often read and listen to music to relax; classical in particular if I'm wanting to relax. Oh, and of course bubble baths. I also make bird toys to relax. If I have a deadline, then I'm not relaxed making them.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 7, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> 1.) As women of size, who were you most influenced by growing up.
> 2.) Who were other people of size that had the greatest impact on accepting yourself as attractive, if any.
> 3.) What large celebrity so far do you see as making the greatest impact in size acceptance.
> 
> Rollhandler



1) Not really anyone.
2) None. I was always pushed by everyone to lose weight.
3) Hmmmmm........maybe Queen Latefa (sp?).


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## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 7, 2009)

Tad said:


> What is your favorite season, and why?



Fall. I love the cool weather and the impending holidays.


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## olwen (Oct 7, 2009)

Tad said:


> What is your favorite season, and why?



I don't have a favorite season, just a list of pros and cons that go with each:

CONS
Summer - extreme heat, uncomfortable sweating in uncomfortable places, possible increase in yeast infections and heat rash. Summer colds

Winter - extreme cold; having to wear a bunch of layers of clothes that don't fit well and walking around all winter in ill fitting clothes and still not being warm. Same for shoes. I can never find boots that fit so my feet are cold all winter; getting colds and flus. Snow.

Spring: hay fever, bugs start to come out.

Fall: hay fever. The trees loose their leaves.

PROS
Summer - don't have to wear a mountain of ill fitting clothing. Can walk around all summer in flip-flops. It isn't cold.

Winter - if it snows or rains really really hard, the subway shuts down for a bit and I get to stay home. Hot cocoa. Fuzzy slippers. Having excuses to snuggle up to my cute guy friends when we hang out. It isn't hot

Spring - the temperature starts to warm up.

Fall - the trees look pretty, the temperature starts to cool down



I'd actually prefer it if the temperature were about 65 - 75 degrees all year round.


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## superodalisque (Oct 7, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *What is your favorite method of relaxation? (for example, reading a book, listening to your favorite CD, yoga etc. etc) *



basically i like hanging out in other people's studios. they tend to be very relaxing and have a positive atmosphere good music and people talking to each other in thoughtful ways.


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## superodalisque (Oct 7, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> 1.) As women of size, who were you most influenced by growing up.
> 2.) Who were other people of size that had the greatest impact on accepting yourself as attractive, if any.
> 3.) What large celebrity so far do you see as making the greatest impact in size acceptance.
> 
> Rollhandler



when i was a girl i adored miss piggy. she was an unapologetic diva. she created her own logic and nobody else's mattered. she took no prisoners. she was adventurous. she could handle her business. you never really saw her sweat, and even if you did she'd tell you you didn't. now that i have grown up i realize there were a lot of things about her that were not exactly PC or SA either. i was truly disappointed when they made her thinner. she should have kicked closet Kermie to the curb and run off with The Count. but, she is still my naughty alter ego even though she was just a puppet with a dude's hand up her butt.

i don't really have any new role models now. there is no one out there who inspires me like that anymore. maybe i just know too much now. i'd like to see a BBW who was unapologetically fat, not trying to diet, refusing to explain why she is fat to anyone and who looked comfortable in her body as a romantic figure. i see pieces of that but nobody with the whole shebang. 

View attachment bad-miss-piggy.jpg


View attachment miss-piggy kiss.jpg


View attachment Mona%20Lisa%20Miss%20Piggy.jpg


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## OneWickedAngel (Oct 7, 2009)

Tad said:


> What is your favorite season, and why?








Fordham University Bronx Campus

The autumn leaves drift by my window
Their colors warm even as the air grows cold
And night upon day time will slowly scour
Minutes away stealing daylight hours

Text books and binders dragged along
As school bells ring unto their charges
Most childrens faces turning sad
Most parents faces very glad 

That month and a half of tranquility
Before the craziness of the holidays kick in
Fave sweaters and hats start to reappear 
As I switch out wardrobes for the season

Can I help but love this awesome time of year!
Springs bright tones deepen to something rich
Summers heat begins to dissipate
But Old Man Winters call still has to wait

And the three most important reasons: *FOOTBALL -- HALLOWEEN -- NEW JERSEY BASH!*


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## mergirl (Oct 7, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> when i was a girl i adored miss piggy. she was an unapologetic diva. she created her own logic and nobody else's mattered. she took no prisoners. she was adventurous. she could handle her business. you never really saw her sweat, and even if you did she'd tell you you didn't. now that i have grown up i realize there were a lot of things about her that were not exactly PC or SA either. i was truly disappointed when they made her thinner. she should have kicked closet Kermie to the curb and run off with The Count. but, she is still my naughty alter ego even though she was just a puppet with a dude's hand up her butt.
> 
> i don't really have any new role models now. there is no one out there who inspires me like that anymore. maybe i just know too much now. i'd like to see a BBW who was unapologetically fat, not trying to diet, refusing to explain why she is fat to anyone and who looked comfortable in her body as a romantic figure. i see pieces of that but nobody with the whole shebang.


Miss Piggy is thinner than i remembered!!


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## littlefairywren (Oct 7, 2009)

Tad said:


> What is your favorite season, and why?



Autumn!!! The colours, the smell, that change in the air and mornings that make you want to snuggle in bed longer


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## littlefairywren (Oct 7, 2009)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> It's really weird......... *My African Grey parrot sometimes nestles sorta between my boobs and rests his head on my chest while my arms are wrapped around him. I'll stroke his forehead and give his forehead kisses. He'll close his eyes and make kissy, content sounds to me, and he'll sometimes pick his head up for me to kiss his beak. As I stroke his head, we get in this rhythm of breathing at the same time. He zones off, and I zone off. I'm extremely relaxed when we do this. *
> I also often read and listen to music to relax; classical in particular if I'm wanting to relax. Oh, and of course bubble baths. I also make bird toys to relax. If I have a deadline, then I'm not relaxed making them.



Gosh that sounds so adorable, post piccies


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## Vespertine (Oct 8, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *What is your favorite method of relaxation? (for example, reading a book, listening to your favorite CD, yoga etc. etc) *



I love a hot tub for relaxing, particularly after a swim. Super nice. Usually though its meditation, tea and naps. Often in that order.



rollhandler said:


> 1.) As women of size, who were you most influenced by growing up.
> 2.) Who were other people of size that had the greatest impact on accepting yourself as attractive, if any.
> 3.) What large celebrity so far do you see as making the greatest impact in size acceptance.



1. Rainbow Brite?  I was surrounded by big women growing up, my mom made many of her good friends at her OA or weight watchers meetings. I can't say they influenced me especially, though I did get the conflicting messages that being big was common and that you had to try to lose weight even if it was futile. lol
2. Ken Mayer (he wrote 'Real Women Don't Diet') was my first contact with size acceptance when I was young...I didn't really believe him completely at the time, but it planted the ideas in me, and changed my thinking in a pivotal way.
3. Sigh. The best known celebrities of size are all are disappointing somehow. And there hasn't been a complex, confidently sexual, leading woman role that didn't focus just on weight since 'roseanne' ffs, which could be part of it. Candye Kane is always cool though, and I have hopes for Beth Ditto.


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 8, 2009)

Tad said:


> What is your favorite season, and why?



I probably don't need to say it because with a name like Punkin, it isn't hard to guess. My favorite season is Autumn! Because October is smack dab in the middle of the season and I was born in October. I love pumpkins, crisp cool air and everything about Autumn.


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## OneWickedAngel (Oct 8, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> 1.) As women of size, who were you most influenced by growing up.
> 2.) Who were other people of size that had the greatest impact on accepting yourself as attractive, if any.
> 3.) What large celebrity so far do you see as making the greatest impact in size acceptance.
> 
> Rollhandler



1. I was always tall, but I was not a "woman of size" growing up. Still, I had always admired Mae West - she not only OWNED her style, but flaunted the hell out of it. That she was a big gal never played into my psyche. I just thought she was so damned cool when I was young and so damned hot as I became old enough to really get her.

2. ** Mae West for the reason's mentioned above. 

** Oprah Winfrey - yes she has her personal weight issues, but her stylists have always known how to dress her and dress her well. 

** Every single gorgeous ToilGirl Dimensions' own Les Toil has ever featured, especially in the early years, when I was first coming to grips with myself as a fat girl. http://www.toilgirls.com for those who have no idea what I'm talking about. 

3. "Size acceptance"? It's barely Size Tolerance, as we (the general public) are a long way from size acceptance; at least here in the US. If I had to pick... 

** Former model Emme has done her share; at least until "More to Love" (ugh!). 

**Queen Latifah has always owned her size beautifully. 

** I'd also add Monique from a few years ago, but she's on the weight loss bandwagon and has been less vocal, so it's a mixed message there. 

** The TV show "Roseanne" as both husband and wife were fat, but it was rarely (if ever) brought up as an issue and you have to thank Roseanne Barr for that.

** A nod to Camryn Manheim.


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## Ruffie (Oct 8, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> 1.) As women of size, who were you most influenced by growing up.
> 2.) Who were other people of size that had the greatest impact on accepting yourself as attractive, if any.
> 3.) What large celebrity so far do you see as making the greatest impact in size acceptance.
> 
> Rollhandler



1. I didn't have any real large size roll models growing up. But as I became a young woman there were many women in NAAFA that helped me start to accept myself as a fat woman. Locally here I met a woman by the name of Bernice Sayese who worked with me for our City. This woman was amazing she was on almost every committee that had to do with social change, was a hard worker and fought for the underdog and started the youth centre I work in now along with another of my role models Delphine melchert. She took in kids and helped raise them when their parents couldn't, and started Voices of the North a showcase for aboriginal talent when metis and Indian people were not being chosen despite their talent for musical shows because of racism. She defined for me a strong, smart, talented and dedicated fat woman and I strive to be like her today. Sadly we lost her to breast Cancer 5 years ago.
2. I had a great male friend who helped me see myself as beautiful. He would compliment me all the time and point out what he found attractive about me inside and out. He was married so I knew there was no other agenda there just real honest opinions. IN fact anytime I discounted myself in any way even jokingly he would challenge me on it, even kicking me in the ass on occasion. He helped me see what others saw in me rather than my skewed sense of size and attractiveness.
3. I would say Queen Latifah today as she is a smart, talented and attractive woman that makes no apologies for her size, takes care of herself and gives back some of the gifts she has been given to others. Earlier on it was Roseanne Barr on her TV show. She was loved, worked hard and made no apologies for her size and that was the first time I had seen anyone do that on TV.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 8, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> 1.) As women of size, who were you most influenced by growing up.



Wendy Jo Sperber. She passed away a few years ago from a battle with breast cancer but she was my inspiration always when I was growing up. She was always so funny, a superb actress and beautiful. I paid close attention to anything she was in,, I just loved to watch her work. She was the only person who represented me at all in the media at the time.



rollhandler said:


> 2.) Who were other people of size that had the greatest impact on accepting yourself as attractive, if any.



Like many others have already noted I was inspired a lot by Mae West. Not just because of her size but her attitude also. She broke just about every rule not as a form of rebellion but simply because she wanted to live as she wanted and remained true to herself throughout. I admired that.



rollhandler said:


> 3.) What large celebrity so far do you see as making the greatest impact in size acceptance.
> 
> Rollhandler



Unfortunately I don't see anyone like that emerging in the mainstream today. Most celebrities these days, their weight becomes a sideshow for who they are. Either they are boastful and unappologetic about it or they are cowering behind a need to be thin or prove they observe a healthy lifestyle or whatever. I'd like to see a celebrity emerge whose talent, presence and contributions transcend any reference to their weight. One who assumes their identity and their place in the world without the need to address, excuse or apologize to anyone. John Goodman comes to mind now that I think of it.

ETA: Chaka Khan, Jill Scott, Aretha Franklin.


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## mango (Oct 9, 2009)

*Why do good girls like bad boys?? 


*


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## littlefairywren (Oct 9, 2009)

mango said:


> *Why do good girls like bad boys??
> 
> 
> *



For me, there is an element of danger that makes bad boys exciting. Adds a certain edge to things, more of an intensity I suppose. 

But it is only good in small doses, they get tiring after a while lol


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## OneWickedAngel (Oct 9, 2009)

mango said:


> *Why do good girls like bad boys??
> *



Just about every woman at some point in her dating life will fall for a bad boy. If you ask most females why they like bad boys they'll say the challenge, the excitement or the thrill. Bad boys offer a double dosage of pain and pleasure. When they're bad they're disgusting, but when they are good they can make a woman feel like shes a goddess. It is amazing how many otherwise sensible women, can and will overlook all the other ish theyre bad boys put them through for those fleeting, but oh so damned good once they get them, goddess feelings.

Its the roughnecks, the ruthless who are glorified in the media as the go-getters/receivers and the defenders. No knew or cared who Donald Trump was when he was just another real-estate dealer. Its only when he became (legally) gangster in his dealings and getting away with it, that he became famous and (cough) desirable. The bad boys are portrayed as always knowing what they want; getting it and protecting it (by any means). Most bad boys also happen to be flashy peacocks, making them hard to ignore. The drug dealer in the Benz is always going to catch the poor girls eye, before the future district attorney currently riding around in a Datsun. 

Some women are dangerous to themselves. Those lacking of self-esteem who think the foul treatment is all they deserve. Or once wrapped-up in it, they are either too scared to leave or are willing to accept it as a trade-off for living the glamorous life if only publically. Lets not forget the ever classic the forbidden fruit of desiring exactly what they are not supposed to want. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown any one? 

Theres the subliminal survivor/protector factor, however ridiculous and misdirected it may seem in these modern times. Women still look for a man who they feel can protect them and their offspring. Lets face it; if a woman somehow finds herself the damsel in distress its not PeeWee Herman she wishes to come rescue her. The odd thing is the women who constantly fall for bad boys, probably would not appreciate the finesse some good boys would have in diffusing a potentially hostile situation to the point that she would never be a damsel in distress in the first place.

Throw in the hard core romantics fed one too many bedtime and Disney stories. The ones who truly believe they have what it takes to change coal into a diamond. Although the risk of getting hurt by being with a bad boy is great; they hope if they stick around long enough eventually he turn from hell raiser to hearth maker. Granted sometimes, it actually works, but it is such a rare thing and what woman deep, deep in her heart doesnt want to think they can be one of those rare special things?


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 9, 2009)

For me it has never been a matter of weather someone is a good guy or a bad boy. My litmus test is to find out if someone is either interesting or dull. When I was a teen my dream was the have the guy on the motorcycle who pulls up and whisks me away in to the night while my neigbors dumbly look on. As I've been further socialized into the world though I've learned that one can be a good guy and be very interesting and one can be a bad boy who's duller than dishwater without that lampshade on his head. My theory has always been that the draw for most bad boys is that they hold the promise of excitement and intrigue. That is not always true though. A lot of the bad boy posturing is overcompensation which a discerning person can see right through almost immediatley. A nice guy with a sharp mind and a quietly dry sense of humor though? OMGWHATHAWWTWHAT?1?1!!! :smitten: Makes me want to lean in closer and see what other hidden treasures are there.


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## superodalisque (Oct 9, 2009)

a lot of bad boys tend to be very communicative and comfy with women. they are very open--even about thier own bad boy tendencies. women often feel more comfortable with someone who is vulnerable like that. its the basis for intimacy. a lot of good guys don't always do a lot of talking. they feel thier actions show all they need to show. but sometimes women need more. i have a lot of good friends who are bad boys. they are great company but a nightmare for anyone in a relationship with them. trouble is a lot of women enjoy thier company so much its hard for them to say no.


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## comaseason (Oct 9, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Just about every woman at some point in her dating life will fall for a bad boy.


Promise? 


> The bad boys are portrayed as always knowing what they want; getting it and protecting it (by any means).


I'll admit this can be a lot of appeal of a "bad boy" for me. They're not as encumbered by those pesky morals that I am. If some lady throws her drink at me, I'm the type of person that would give and evil look but be completely tongue-tied as to the retort. Whereas a bad boy in my mind would call her a cunt and probably start a fight with her big jock boyfriend..and then they would fight and then... and it would need to be broken up by like 6 mr. universe reject bouncers... and after that, later in the hovel while I'm holding a bag of frozen peas to his eye and he has that half-crazed half-sexy look... shirt torn...

umm..what were we talking about?


> Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown any one?


Crack is whack. _I had to say that._


> Theres the subliminal survivor/protector factor, however ridiculous and misdirected it may seem in these modern times.


I agree that I catch myself doing it sometimes and it is very ridiculous and misdirected.


> Throw in the hard core romantics fed one too many bedtime and Disney stories. The ones who truly believe they have what it takes to change coal into a diamond. Although the risk of getting hurt by being with a bad boy is great; they hope if they stick around long enough eventually he turn from hell raiser to hearth maker. Granted sometimes, it actually works, *but it is such a rare thing and what woman deep, deep in her heart doesnt want to think they can be one of those rare special things*?


Word.


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## mergirl (Oct 10, 2009)

Ladies.. Do you use your bellies as a muff? You know like a hand warmer? I know if i had the type of belly for which such a thing was possible i would do this. I already keep my hands warm under my boobs (sometimes even when i forget people are there).


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## disaster117 (Oct 10, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Ladies.. Do you use your bellies as a muff? You know like a hand warmer? I know if i had the type of belly for which such a thing was possible i would do this. I already keep my hands warm under my boobs (sometimes even when i forget people are there).



Yes! I don't have much of it to use for this purpose, but as much as I can fit over my hands when it's really really cold in my room and my blanket just isn't doing the trick? It works.


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## mszwebs (Oct 10, 2009)

Actually Lisa, yes.

Though sometimes its not a matter of keeping my hand/hands warm, just so much as a place to put them when I'm sitting.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 10, 2009)

littlefairywren said:


> Gosh that sounds so adorable, post piccies



Ohhhhh you asked for it! 
He doesn't allow pics of his "Mommy Hugs," but here are some others......
He's a Timneh African Grey

View attachment Scrabble 2 3-17-07resz.jpg


View attachment Fuzzy Pic of The Baby 1-20-09resz.jpg


View attachment V-DAY SCRABBLE 6 1-20-09resz2.jpg


View attachment SCRABBLE READING BOOK 1 RESZ2 1-20-09.jpg


View attachment da Baby 7-08tresz.jpg


I'm just slightly obsessed with my birds.  The other two will be for another day....


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## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 10, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Ladies.. Do you use your bellies as a muff? You know like a hand warmer? I know if i had the type of belly for which such a thing was possible i would do this. I already keep my hands warm under my boobs (sometimes even when i forget people are there).
> 
> 
> Nope. I kinda sit on them. I also will just pull my arms up the sleeves, then wrap my arms around myself.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 10, 2009)

mango said:


> *Why do good girls like bad boys??
> 
> Stupidity. JMO...........I've done it and am still sorting out the mess.*


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## mergirl (Oct 10, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Actually Lisa, yes.
> 
> Though sometimes its not a matter of keeping my hand/hands warm, just so much as a place to put them when I'm sitting.


Ahhhh.. I do that with (hmm.. how do i say this without it sounding sleazy...hmmm).. erm,, like when i'm watching tv i sort of put my hands between my legs for comfort. (not wanking). Can i be the ONLY one who does this??


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## Dmitra (Oct 10, 2009)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> Ohhhhh you asked for it!
> He doesn't allow pics of his "Mommy Hugs," but here are some others......
> He's a Timneh African GreyI'm just slightly obsessed with my birds.  The other two will be for another day....



Those pics just brightened up my morning, thanks Mizz!! It's the wrong thread but IC I stole the one of him eating the paper hearts for my desktop. 



mergirl said:


> Ahhhh.. I do that with (hmm.. how do i say this without it sounding sleazy...hmmm).. erm,, like when i'm watching tv i sort of put my hands between my legs for comfort. (not wanking). Can i be the ONLY one who does this??



Nope nope nope, not the only one who does this. In my case it's more of a tucked under the tumtum with hands between legs thing. I sometimes do that underboob handwarming, too, which I've fortunately not done in public (yet!). Another comforting/warming thing I do is to stick my hands up my sleeves so they're sandwiched between my arms and sides. Then there's always sticking my fingers between the top of my thighs and tum to either warm them or give my shoulders a rest.

I'm not sure if it's my getting older but my shoulders seem to get the coldest now. I wish I could stick them under something! Must be time for the granny shawls.


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## mergirl (Oct 10, 2009)

Aww.. cold shoulders..  You should wear 80's style shoulder pads!!!!


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## littlefairywren (Oct 10, 2009)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> Ohhhhh you asked for it!
> He doesn't allow pics of his "Mommy Hugs," but here are some others......
> He's a Timneh African Grey
> 
> ...



Awww what a cutie pie! I had a little budgie who loved snuggles too. Thank you for the piccies:bow:


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## Sandie S-R (Oct 10, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Ladies.. Do you use your bellies as a muff? You know like a hand warmer? I know if i had the type of belly for which such a thing was possible i would do this. I already keep my hands warm under my boobs (sometimes even when i forget people are there). I know this should be on the sexy board but i promise (scouts honour) i will not get turned on.
> 
> Muwahahahaha.. I MIGHT!!!!



Actually, I have done this. In the winter my hands get cold, and I have arthritis. The warmest place for me to put my hands is under my belly. 
I only do it at home though - not out in public. People wouldn't understand.


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## Dmitra (Oct 11, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Aww.. cold shoulders..  You should wear 80's style shoulder pads!!!!



Nooooo, not the shoulder pads! They were traumatizing *twitch* in a bad Blade-Runner-on-acid-meets-Dynasty nightmare *twitch* kinda way.


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## OneWickedAngel (Oct 11, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Ladies.. Do you use your bellies as a muff? You know like a hand warmer? I know if i had the type of belly for which such a thing was possible i would do this. I already keep my hands warm under my boobs (sometimes even when i forget people are there).





mergirl said:


> Ahhhh.. I do that with (hmm.. how do i say this without it sounding sleazy...hmmm).. erm,, like when i'm watching tv i sort of put my hands between my legs for comfort. (not wanking). Can i be the ONLY
> one who does this??


*Guilty as charged on both counts; but it's an even exchange for me. Yes I am warming up my freezing hands, but also using my freezing hands to cool down over-heated areas especially under the boobies. Though I have managed not to do so in public, so far...* 




DameQ said:


> Nooooo, not the shoulder pads! They were traumatizing *twitch* in a bad Blade-Runner-on-acid-meets-Dynasty nightmare *twitch* kinda way.


*Oh gads, the imagery! The imagery! ROFL*


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## littlefairywren (Oct 11, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Ahhhh.. I do that with (hmm.. how do i say this without it sounding sleazy...hmmm).. erm,, like when i'm watching tv i sort of put my hands between my legs for comfort. (not wanking). Can i be the ONLY one who does this??



Guilty. I tend to tuck my hands in between my thighs for warmth and comfort too. Just feels relaxed....I have so far resisted the urge to do so in public


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## tinkerbell (Oct 11, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Ahhhh.. I do that with (hmm.. how do i say this without it sounding sleazy...hmmm).. erm,, like when i'm watching tv i sort of put my hands between my legs for comfort. (not wanking). Can i be the ONLY one who does this??




I do this too. And I think I do it in public too - its not like I'm moving my hand around that someone could mistake that I'm playing around down there.


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## olwen (Oct 11, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Ladies.. Do you use your bellies as a muff? You know like a hand warmer? I know if i had the type of belly for which such a thing was possible i would do this. I already keep my hands warm under my boobs (sometimes even when i forget people are there).



I actually do use my belly that way, but mostly at night when I'm sleeping. I also use it as just a place to put my hands when I'm sitting down. I try not to do that in public, but sometimes I just do it without thinking about it. Then when I do think about it, I think "well, maybe people who aren't fat need to get used to seeing the way fat people do things, and if they think it's gross then they just have to deal," and sometimes I just decide I might not feel like dealing with any stares so I put my hands somewhere else, like I'd gather the material at the bottom of my shirt and make a sort of pocket for my hands.


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## olwen (Oct 11, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Ahhhh.. I do that with (hmm.. how do i say this without it sounding sleazy...hmmm).. erm,, like when i'm watching tv i sort of put my hands between my legs for comfort. (not wanking). Can i be the ONLY one who does this??



...it's not sleazy, no worries. I do the same thing, but I can only do that if I'm leaning sideways since I can't close my legs while I'm sitting upright.


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## BBW4Chattery (Oct 12, 2009)

littlefairywren said:


> Guilty. I tend to tuck my hands in between my thighs for warmth and comfort too. Just feels relaxed....I have so far resisted the urge to do so in public



If I'm alone, the warmest place is definitely under my big titty (mentioned in another post) so that's where I go if my hands are absolutely freezing. My belly fat doesn't really roll in a way that's convenient for hand warming


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## Cors (Oct 12, 2009)

This forum is about celebrating the beauty of all BBWs but some invariably get more attention than others, especially from men. Does this bother you? Do you feel that certain beauty ideals are to blame? 

My next question is about something women commonly do in other forums to be "nice". Have you ever felt compelled to compliment a girl's picture even if you find it distasteful and/or unappealing simply because the guys are clearly sidestepping it to rave about the girl who posted after her? Do you feel that this is less of an issue in female-dominated forums like the Fashion forum?


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## BBW4Chattery (Oct 12, 2009)

Cors said:


> This forum is about celebrating the beauty of all BBWs but some invariably get more attention than others, especially from men. Does this bother you? Do you feel that certain beauty ideals are to blame?
> 
> My next question is about something women commonly do in other forums to be "nice". Have you ever felt compelled to compliment a girl's picture even if you find it is distasteful and/or unappealing simply because the guys are clearly sidestepping it to rave about the girl who posted after her? Do you feel that this is less of an issue in female-dominated forums like the Fashion forum?



Interesting questions...

Beauty ideals... I'm hopeful that there's a niche for all types of beauty in the world. Jealousy is one negative emotion I've somehow managed to escape so it hasn't been an issue for me in that regard. On some occasions, I am hurt that another big chick might have a significant other or look great in a dress and get a compliment... but it isn't meant to take away from their beauty. It's just a genuine "ouch" moment where I realize myself as less than for whatever reason and it stings.

Complimenting others... nope, I compliment where I feel the need to share. I don't feel any pressure to acknowledge anyone and haven't on past message boards. If anything, the opposite is true, I might pass on offering someone a compliment they deserve because I see that a good number of people have already chimed in on the topic.


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## Inhibited (Oct 12, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Ladies.. Do you use your bellies as a muff? You know like a hand warmer? I know if i had the type of belly for which such a thing was possible i would do this. I already keep my hands warm under my boobs (sometimes even when i forget people are there).



I'm always resting my hand/s on my stomach and rubbing it, it is always the warmest part for some reason, i sometimes find myself accidently doing this in public but not because of the warmth, it is just a really bad habit i have.

I something place my hand on the chest area about the boobs and below the collarbone as this is part is generally always cold to touch.


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## Ruffie (Oct 12, 2009)

Cors said:


> This forum is about celebrating the beauty of all BBWs but some invariably get more attention than others, especially from men. Does this bother you? Do you feel that certain beauty ideals are to blame?
> 
> My next question is about something women commonly do in other forums to be "nice". Have you ever felt compelled to compliment a girl's picture even if you find it distasteful and/or unappealing simply because the guys are clearly sidestepping it to rave about the girl who posted after her? Do you feel that this is less of an issue in female-dominated forums like the Fashion forum?



As a photographer myself I refrain from complimenting on pictures I don't like. I see so many taken as paysite promos from unappealing angles, bad lighting, and just generally poor composition that I simply keep quiet. It would come off as not supportive or hypercritical, but in my head I am thinking if only they did this and that the picture would be so much better. I guess that is the photography teacher in me and the desire to show fat women in their best light. Snapshots are one thing, but when taking a portrait I would like to see them done to show the aspects of the woman that make her beautiful. However I guess if their clients are lapping it up who am I to critique?


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## mergirl (Oct 12, 2009)

Wimmins, have you ever found yourself thinking "I will/would do this/that IF i was thinner?? 
OR- have you ever thought it in the past.. if so how do you look back on thoughts like those now?


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## LisaInNC (Oct 12, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> 1.) As women of size, who were you most influenced by growing up.
> 2.) Who were other people of size that had the greatest impact on accepting yourself as attractive, if any.
> 3.) What large celebrity so far do you see as making the greatest impact in size acceptance.
> 
> Rollhandler



1. There was this woman who moved into my neighborhood when I was a teenager. I cant remember her name but she was an SSBBW. She was such a great woman. Always a smile on her face! She seemed super happy and was married to a gorgeous guy and had a sweet child. It was then I realized not all beauty came in small packages. Cause to me she was gorgeous!!
2. I still dont consider myself attractive
3. Queen Latifah...yes I know she lost weight, but she is not skinny by any means and is unapologetic about it.


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## ashmamma84 (Oct 12, 2009)

Cors said:


> This forum is about celebrating the beauty of all BBWs but some invariably get more attention than others, especially from men. Does this bother you? Do you feel that certain beauty ideals are to blame?
> 
> My next question is about something women commonly do in other forums to be "nice". Have you ever felt compelled to compliment a girl's picture even if you find it distasteful and/or unappealing simply because the guys are clearly sidestepping it to rave about the girl who posted after her? Do you feel that this is less of an issue in female-dominated forums like the Fashion forum?



Doesn't bother me at all. I wouldn't expect every person on the street to think I'm beautiful, it'd be kinda silly for me to expect it here. And I don't really think it has to with certain beauty ideals; clearly there are men (and women) who find beauty outside of the mainstream. Everyone has their own personal ideals anyway, so I don't take compliments or lack thereof too personally. 

As for the second question - I refrain from making comments. I give credit when credit is due. If I don't really feel a shot is becoming/tasteful/etc, I keep my mouth shut regardless of whether guys are raving about the next girl or what have you. I operate that way on any part Dims; I don't feel the urge to compliment for the sake of complimenting. It seems rather disingenuous to a degree. It might be less of an issue on the Fashion Forum simply because alot of guys don't frequent that area.


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## OneWickedAngel (Oct 12, 2009)

Cors said:


> This forum is about celebrating the beauty of all BBWs but some invariably get more attention than others, especially from men. Does this bother you? Do you feel that certain beauty ideals are to blame?
> 
> My next question is about something women commonly do in other forums to be "nice". Have you ever felt compelled to compliment a girl's picture even if you find it distasteful and/or unappealing simply because the guys are clearly sidestepping it to rave about the girl who posted after her? Do you feel that this is less of an issue in female-dominated forums like the Fashion forum?



It has never bothered me. I have seen the same thing happen with the SS/BBWs when it comes to complimenting the SS/BHMs who post pics. What does irk me is I have seen certain men repeatedly thank (and flirt) only with the SS/BBWs they have an interest in; while totally ignoring others who have complimented them and that is not right. Certain people like certain body types and are naturally going to (sometimes overly) compliment those who match those ideals, while ignoring others. However, that is no excuse to be rude. If a person thinks enough of your picture post (the general you/your not "you" Cors - lol) to take the time to post a compliment, take the time to say a simple thank you and then go thank/flirt with whomever.

I can't speak for my sister BBWs, but if I compliment a picture it's because I mean it. If I don't say anything, I either haven't seen it, or I just didn't think much of the photo, and chose not to say anything. I have never felt personally pressured to compliment anyone.


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 12, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Ladies.. Do you use your bellies as a muff? You know like a hand warmer? I know if i had the type of belly for which such a thing was possible i would do this. I already keep my hands warm under my boobs (sometimes even when i forget people are there).



Yes! The bellie or under the boobs...both are good hand warmers.


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## Fat.n.sassy (Oct 14, 2009)

shinyapple said:


> When I moved to SoCal, some friends gave me the advice to powder myself. After my morning shower, I would use Gold Bond Ultimate Comfort powder, which was supposed to be designed to prevent chafing and odor. I'd hit the places my skin touched (rolls, under the breasts, seams of the leg, the apron, etc.) and would usually feel better than expected by the time the serious heat rolled in that afternoon.
> 
> I loved this stuff since it didn't have the yucky medicinal smell of regular Gold Bond nor the powdery smell of some body powders. It seemed to be designed for this purpose, actually, and I still keep a bottle just in case.




I do the exact same thing...under apron, boobs, fat rolls... I'm glad someone else does it too!


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