# "Unconventional" Bodies and Camaraderie



## LovelyLiz (Nov 30, 2010)

I have found that I tend to feel an affinity for people with what society would label "unconventional" bodies. I think that's because, as a fat person, my embodiment leads me to experience the world in a certain way - and part of that means that at times I don't quite fit, or I experience social stigma (in subtle or overt ways), or get certain negative stereotypes based on my appearance, etc. It's not that it happens all the time and makes me miserable - that's not what I'm talking about. But those experiences do shape me and how I see the world.

In fact, they also cause me to feel a stronger affinity or camaraderie with other people who have "unconventional" bodies - be it due to size, disability, shape, whatever. 

Now I know not everyone here feels even camaraderie with other fat people, since some people feel like it's such a diverse group and it's too generalizing to say there is some kind of fat sisterhood/brotherhood/personhood; but I'm wondering if anyone other fat people here tend to have similar feelings of affinity for people who, based on physical factors, just don't quite fit the "norm."


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## Tad (Nov 30, 2010)

Yes, my first instinct is to think that my odds of relating to them are higher than with someone who is closer to the movie-star/jock body type.


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## natepogue (Nov 30, 2010)

Tad said:


> Yes, my first instinct is to think that my odds of relating to them are higher than with someone who is closer to the movie-star/jock body type.



That's what makes FA's who are buff that much more awesome. You wouldn't expect someone who is toned/lean/ripped to think big women are goddesses


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## Dr. Feelgood (Nov 30, 2010)

I paid a lot of attention to people's bodies when I was younger, but I don't seem to do it so much any more*. I have a definite affinity for people with unconventional minds, though. :happy:


*BBWs still get my attention. But they're special. :wubu:


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 30, 2010)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I paid a lot of attention to people's bodies when I was younger, but I don't seem to do it so much any more*. I have a definite affinity for people with unconventional minds, though. :happy:
> 
> 
> *BBWs still get my attention. But they're special. :wubu:



Agreed, about the mind bit.  Unlike bodies, however, it's more difficult to know upon first glance whether someone does indeed have an unconventional mind...


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## bonified (Nov 30, 2010)

natepogue said:


> That's what makes FA's who are buff that much more awesome. You wouldn't expect someone who is toned/lean/ripped to think big women are goddesses



For me its about the mental attitude towards their body, how they carry themself etc. I cant stand the feel sorry for myself shit, nor the self promoting look at me wankerdom styles. It's just a body, everyone has one, they are all different, its how you choose to use it that makes a diff to me.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Nov 30, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Unlike bodies, however, it's more difficult to know upon first glance whether someone does indeed have an unconventional mind...



My friend from Winnipeg insists a Hawaiian shirt is a reliable indicator. Especially at this time of year.


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## littlefairywren (Nov 30, 2010)

natepogue said:


> That's what makes FA's who are buff that much more awesome. You wouldn't expect someone who is toned/lean/ripped to think big women are goddesses



What makes an FA awesome, is how he treats a woman, regardless of her size. If he happens to have washboard abs, and is a pecker head.....he is not so awesome.


I voted yes btw, mcbeth. Interesting thread


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## PeanutButterfly (Nov 30, 2010)

I almost clicked "yes" at the top until I really thought about it. I'm definitely more comfortable with new people if they're fat also. I particularly don't like being the only chubby chick in a group, there are just certain things that make me more uncomfortable than skinny girls and many are simply oblivious to them. Strangely though, I don't have many fat friends. My best friend is pretty chubby but most of my other good friends and all of the new ones I've made in the past few months are all thin/athletic. Even with guys, I've never dated or even had a fat guyfriend despite the fact that I'm an FFA. *shrug* In new situations I do love having another fellow BBW but I rarely actually maintain a friendship with said person. I was just thinking the other day how nice it'd be to have some more fat chick friends <3


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 30, 2010)

PeanutButterfly said:


> I almost clicked "yes" at the top until I really thought about it. I'm definitely more comfortable with new people if they're fat also. I particularly don't like being the only chubby chick in a group, there are just certain things that make me more uncomfortable than skinny girls and many are simply oblivious to them. Strangely though, I don't have many fat friends. My best friend is pretty chubby but most of my other good friends and all of the new ones I've made in the past few months are all thin/athletic. Even with guys, I've never dated or even had a fat guyfriend despite the fact that I'm an FFA. *shrug* In new situations I do love having another fellow BBW but I rarely actually maintain a friendship with said person. * I was just thinking the other day how nice it'd be to have some more fat chick friends <3*



That was what brought me to Dimensions in the first place.  And I've met some great people. It's cool to have fat women to be able to share certain fat-related things with; though the reality is, I've also realized that simply being fat does not mean we will necessarily value things in the same way or want to have the same kinds of honest conversations. But I still think having fat friends is super valuable - just that there are other qualities that must must go along with that.

Hope you find some more fat chick friends too.


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## Fat Brian (Nov 30, 2010)

I have to agree with the good doctor, my friends would have more in common in personality than size. I tend to gravitate more toward personality types than appearance. I have always been a reserved outsider and avoid loud and pushy people. If I happen to find another large person whose personality I enjoy it does add a certain extra commonality but I don't seek it out.


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 30, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> I have to agree with the good doctor, my friends would have more in common in personality than size. I tend to gravitate more toward personality types than appearance. I have always been a reserved outsider and avoid loud and pushy people. If I happen to find another large person whose personality I enjoy it does add a certain extra commonality but I don't seek it out.



Oh yeah - I totally agree in terms of friendship. I guess my initial post was unclear - I more meant as a kind of knee-jerk reaction, I tend to have affinity for people with unconventional bodies. It's certainly not enough to base any kind of friendship or deep relationship on; but I do notice that just out walking around in public, for example, I will have more immediate affection for someone else with an unconventional body. Will that transfer over into real friendship? Who knows. I don't pick my friends based on their bodies...lol. Sorry if that was unclear.


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## CarlaSixx (Nov 30, 2010)

I tend to hang around and get along better with the ones who are of conventional body types, I'd say. I was always friends with the popular kids before the ones who weren't that type. 

Unless "unconventional" includes those that are heavily tattooed/have piercings/are punk or goth... then I'd say I don't really feel any particular affinity.

Most of the time I see myself as one of them... popular, friendly, beautiful. It's only when I stop and think, or see a reflection of myself, or hear someone say something... that's when reality hits. Otherwise I really don't realize what my real size and body type is like. And everyone thinks I'm rare because I'm not only fat, but I'm extremely short... But I'm so used to being surrounded by the tall, slim model types that when I meet someone who *isn't* that type or that tall, I find them to be average height or kinda short. Even those who are a foot taller. 3 of my best friends in high school were 6' to 6'4" and so when I meet someone who's 5'8" to 5'10" and someone calls them tall... I have to take a moment to register the comment and try to see it from an outside perspective.

I think inside me is a thin girl saying "My next life I'll get the _right_ body." Lol. She's starting to accept that this one will always be fat, even when she doesn't think she is.

ETA: Read post above mine. My immediate knee-jerk affinity is for those who seem to live an unconventional lifestyle more than a body type. My instant affection thing goes to those with bright hair, chains, tattoos, piercings, mohawks and the like, but lots of those mainly have the "model" body type overall.


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## natepogue (Dec 1, 2010)

littlefairywren said:


> What makes an FA awesome, is how he treats a woman, regardless of her size. If he happens to have washboard abs, and is a pecker head.....he is not so awesome.



that's like, your opinion man


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 1, 2010)

natepogue said:


> that's like, your opinion man



I share her opinion.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 1, 2010)

If I see a person from across the room I can't always tell their personality so in that regard, yes, I'm drawn more to the unconventional body. In fact, I make a bee-line towards the fat butcher, tubby restaurant server and chubby kid first.

I don't dismiss owners of conventionally acceptable bodies although being raised in a home and extended family full of fatties, big is the norm and thin is the anomaly. The norm to me has always been the reverse of the conventional. 

I will say there are unconventionally shaped individuals who are repellent, repulsive and repugnant but it doesn't take much time to figure that out--no matter what someone's size is, if you suck it shows, sometimes even in their posts here.


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## Mishty (Dec 1, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> I share her opinion.



I do to, yo

:happy: 

View attachment 1247368220924.jpg


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2010)

no. i just feel a camaraderie with other humans because all of us feel unconventional in some way. sometimes it shows. sometimes it doesn't. not one has a free pass. everyone has something in their life they feel makes them stand apart. until each of us can recognize that, deal with that, embrace that, understand the beauty of that and be realistic about that we'll never feel truly a part of the human race. none of us has a life of "perfection". whatever that means. there is no norm except that we are all human. we need to be able to look deeper instead of ending the journey of understanding at the surface of things like at what people look like. we often look but we don't really see anyway. 

for me i find its much better to concentrate on deeds than looks. someone's character is the most important and its one thing about people that hardly ever truly changes. are they loving? are they caring? do they leave the world better or worse? most of all, what are their intentions towards others? those are my first considerations. the size or shape of their body is only something i notice incidentally in passing because i'm experienced enough to know it doesn't matter anyway if the content is rotten. even when i was young i didn't tend to think about people in terms of something so basic as body size since thats not how i was socialized anyway. i think it would be a real problem, especially now as an adult, if i had body shape and size as a major component in who i wanted to be around or deal with. that would definitely be some kind of internal imbalance i think i'd have to deal with.


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## natepogue (Dec 1, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> I share her opinion.



so if a "ripped" FA was interested in you, you'd turn him down because of it?

My belief is that man should be strong and woman should be soft


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## Proner (Dec 1, 2010)

natepogue said:


> so if a "ripped" FA was interested in you, you'd turn him down because of it?
> 
> My belief is that man should be strong and woman should be soft



She didn't say that, she told that physical don't make anyone FA or not awesome. If you're inside is flawed (like arrogance, mean, superficial....) you could have as attractive body as possible you will not be awesome at all, just a nice shop window.


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 1, 2010)

So basically, if you think all it takes to be liked is to have a ripped bod, go back in school. You're too immature for the world to handle you  

But if you have a hot bod AND a good heart, you'll have WAY better chances. Throw in a good brain and most would think you're too awesome to be human


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## Jes (Dec 1, 2010)

natepogue said:


> so if a "ripped" FA was interested in you, you'd turn him down because of it?
> 
> My belief is that man should be strong and woman should be soft



That's not what this thread is about, nate.


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2010)

natepogue said:


> so if a "ripped" FA was interested in you, you'd turn him down because of it?
> 
> My belief is that man should be strong and woman should be soft



if someone is an asshole it automatically makes him ugly as well anyway


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 1, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> no. i just feel a camaraderie with other humans because all of us feel unconventional in some way. sometimes it shows. sometimes it doesn't. not one has a free pass. everyone has something in their life they feel makes them stand apart. until each of us can recognize that, deal with that, embrace that, understand the beauty of that and be realistic about that we'll never feel truly a part of the human race. none of us has a life of "perfection". whatever that means. there is no norm except that we are all human. we need to be able to look deeper instead of ending the journey of understanding at the surface of things like at what people look like. we often look but we don't really see anyway.
> 
> for me i find its much better to concentrate on deeds than looks. someone's character is the most important and its one thing about people that hardly ever truly changes. are they loving? are they caring? do they leave the world better or worse? most of all, what are their intentions towards others? those are my first considerations. the size or shape of their body is only something i notice incidentally in passing because i'm experienced enough to know it doesn't matter anyway if the content is rotten. even when i was young i didn't tend to think about people in terms of something so basic as body size since thats not how i was socialized anyway. i think it would be a real problem, especially now as an adult, if i had body shape and size as a major component in who i wanted to be around or deal with. that would definitely be some kind of internal imbalance i think i'd have to deal with.



Right, I don't disagree with that. But you don't know someone's deeds or whether they are caring or loving while passing them on the street or in a grocery store aisle. The question is really about just impulsive reactions to someone you know nothing about other than their appearance.

And while I do agree that everyone has hard stuff in their life, and struggles and burdens and whatnot, there often is a unique (and I think, uniquely shared) experience for people who bear some of their "unconventionality" in a bodily form - because they can't hide it when they go about their daily lives.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 1, 2010)

natepogue said:


> so if a "ripped" FA was interested in you, you'd turn him down because of it?
> 
> My belief is that man should be strong and woman should be soft



No, I wouldn't. I would need to know him as a person before I decided whether to go out with him. But LFW said:



> What makes an FA awesome, is how he treats a woman, regardless of her size. If he happens to have washboard abs, and is a pecker head.....he is not so awesome.



If he has washboard abs and is a good guy, then that's fine. The point is, an awesome FA's awesomeness is not judged primarily by whether his body resembles The Situation's.


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Right, I don't disagree with that. But you don't know someone's deeds or whether they are caring or loving while passing them on the street or in a grocery store aisle. The question is really about just impulsive reactions to someone you know nothing about other than their appearance.
> 
> And while I do agree that everyone has hard stuff in their life, and struggles and burdens and whatnot, there often is a unique (and I think, uniquely shared) experience for people who bear some of their "unconventionality" in a bodily form - because they can't hide it when they go about their daily lives.



i can definitely understand what you're saying. its just thats not where i am anymore if i ever was. i just don't see people that way as potential friends etc... their body is the last thing that influences me in terms of what kind of friend someone will be or who i'll feel affinity with anymore. i never really tended to look at people that way in the past and i definitely don't now that i'm a more experienced person. i'm more apt to pay attention to whether i actually can like and respect them or not since thats most important to me personally. for me that has nothing to do with their body. thats not disparaging people who do react at all. its just that thats not how i'm made. i'm of the school of when you don't have enough evidence suspend judgement. looks are no evidence of anything other than someone being big small etc...maybe we should be taking more time with people than we generally do and determine a more sensible pace of life when it comes to that. we'd make fewer mistakes that way. its not just add water and instant affinity anyway.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 1, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i can definitely understand what you're saying. its just thats not where i am anymore if i ever was. i just don't see people that way as potential friends etc... their body is the last thing that influences me in terms of what kind of friend someone will be or who i'll feel affinity with anymore. i never really tended to look at people that way in the past and i definitely don't now that i'm a more experienced person. i'm more apt to pay attention to whether i actually can like and respect them or not since thats most important to me personally. for me that has nothing to do with their body. thats not disparaging people who do react at all. its just that thats not how i'm made.



Fair enough. And I don't see them as "potential friends", just to be clear. That's not the kind of affinity I'm talking about. I just see them with a kind of grace and understanding and I guess "camaraderie" is the word that best describes it. Just that we might share a certain set of experiences. I don't judge someone's character by their body - I just feel a kind of brotherhood/sisterhood with them.

I feel a kinship with all of humanity for a whole different set of reasons. But that's not what this thread is about.


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Fair enough. And I don't see them as "potential friends", just to be clear. That's not the kind of affinity I'm talking about. I just see them with a kind of grace and understanding and I guess "camaraderie" is the word that best describes it. Just that we might share a certain set of experiences. I don't judge someone's character by their body - I just feel a kind of brotherhood/sisterhood with them.
> 
> I feel a kinship with all of humanity for a whole different set of reasons. But that's not what this thread is about.



i see what you mean. but i find it hard to understand someone without knowing them in some way first. otherwise i think i tend to make a lot of incorrect assumptions about people like some people do about me and how i must feel about my size. i'd rather not do that to others especially when its easier simpler and to me more respectful to just ask. i really like it when people give me a chance to say yes or no to how they think i feel about me. sorry if this wasn't what you were looking for. i was just expressing why i answered the poll the way that i did by saying no--because thats truly whats behind how i relate to the whole issue.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 1, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i see what you mean. but i find it hard to understand someone without knowing them in some way first. otherwise i think i tend to make a lot of incorrect assumptions about people like some people do about me and how i must feel about my size. i'd rather not do that to others especially when its easier simpler and to me more respectful to just ask. i really like it when people give me a chance to say yes or no to how they think i feel about me. sorry if this wasn't what you were looking for. i was just expressing why i answered the poll the way that i did by saying no--because thats truly whats behind how i relate to the whole issue.



Oh, no, I appreciate your input. I'm happy to have people disagree with me. 

I just feel you are painting me as making more assumptions than I actually am about strangers, or letting those assumptions go further than a superficial understanding of someone, so I am wanting to be clear that that's not what I am talking about. 

If our knee-jerk reactions towards new people are different, that's completely fine. We are vastly different people so I wouldn't expect us to react the same way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2010)

sorry not my intention to paint you personally in a particular way.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 1, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Fair enough. And I don't see them as "potential friends", just to be clear. That's not the kind of affinity I'm talking about. I just see them with a kind of grace and understanding and I guess "camaraderie" is the word that best describes it. Just that we might share a certain set of experiences. I don't judge someone's character by their body - I just feel a kind of brotherhood/sisterhood with them.
> 
> I feel a kinship with all of humanity for a whole different set of reasons. But that's not what this thread is about.


I agree with you on this, McBeth. A person's size doesn't determine whether or not they've got friend potential but I do feel an intuitive kinship with fatter and more different folk. 

I don't consider any one viewpoint over another more evolved or enlightened either. 
It just is.


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## Tad (Dec 1, 2010)

I took the question to imply a situation like "you are in line at the grocery store, are you more apt to chat with the 'conventional' bodied person on one side of you or the 'unconventional' bodied person on the other side, all else being equal?"


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 1, 2010)

Tad said:


> I took the question to imply a situation like "you are in line at the grocery store, are you more apt to chat with the 'conventional' bodied person on one side of you or the 'unconventional' bodied person on the other side, all else being equal?"



I'm pretty sure you took it like she meant it, too


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## CastingPearls (Dec 1, 2010)

Tad said:


> I took the question to imply a situation like "you are in line at the grocery store, are you more apt to chat with the 'conventional' bodied person on one side of you or the 'unconventional' bodied person on the other side, all else being equal?"


Me too. .


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## natepogue (Dec 2, 2010)

Proner said:


> She didn't say that, she told that physical don't make anyone FA or not awesome. If you're inside is flawed (like arrogance, mean, superficial....) you could have as attractive body as possible you will not be awesome at all, just a nice shop window.



I didn't say she said that, I was asking a new question.



CarlaSixx said:


> So basically, if you think all it takes to be liked is to have a ripped bod, go back in school. You're too immature for the world to handle you
> 
> But if you have a hot bod AND a good heart, you'll have WAY better chances. Throw in a good brain and most would think you're too awesome to be human


hot bod AND a good heart + good brain. check. chances looking good (not that they didn't already)



Jes said:


> That's not what this thread is about, nate.


Discussion: Jes doesn't approve.



superodalisque said:


> if someone is an asshole it automatically makes him ugly as well anyway


Don't forget: If someone is an asshole it automatically makes her ugly as well anyway. 


mcbeth said:


> No, I wouldn't. I would need to know him as a person before I decided whether to go out with him. But LFW said:
> 
> 
> 
> If he has washboard abs and is a good guy, then that's fine. The point is, an awesome FA's awesomeness is not judged primarily by whether his body resembles The Situation's.



I disagree. I think FAs who are ripped are cool as hell. It takes a special kind of person to have the "take care of my body" attitude while maintaning that plus-size and fat women aren't unhealthy or shameful, but rather sexy and goddesses. That's badass.


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## butch (Dec 2, 2010)

MOD here. Cool it with the arguments. If it continues, folks will get infracted, as this counts as your only warning.

-Butch
Main Board co-mod


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## superodalisque (Dec 2, 2010)

Tad said:


> I took the question to imply a situation like "you are in line at the grocery store, are you more apt to chat with the 'conventional' bodied person on one side of you or the 'unconventional' bodied person on the other side, all else being equal?"



speaking for myself, i talk to everyone. i think in a way thats my way of saying to people who are unconventionally made that they are normal --which i feel they are unless their personality indicates otherwise. i personally have the same expectations of them that i would of anyone i'd like to talk to. they have to be friendly and open to it, but thats about all.


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## spacedcowgirl (Dec 2, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> ...] I just see them with a kind of grace and understanding and I guess "camaraderie" is the word that best describes it. Just that we might share a certain set of experiences. I don't judge someone's character by their body - I just feel a kind of brotherhood/sisterhood with them.
> 
> I feel a kinship with all of humanity for a whole different set of reasons. But that's not what this thread is about.



I think the "shared experience" piece is what resonates with me most about this question (I voted yes because I think I do have that same affinity). I'm not really one to make eye contact with others or smile or strike up a conversation... generally the less interaction I have with people I don't know, the happier I am. I'm not really proud of that, but it seems to be the way I lean. But I tend to make an effort to smile at or make eye contact with other fat people because I know they've probably had assumptions made about them same as I have, and a lot of the visual scrutiny we get on a day-to-day basis is... um... not smiles (though I know some of you have had different experiences). Ditto for larger people using scooters in the grocery store, or in places fat people aren't "supposed" to be like fast-food restaurants. These people might be totally self-confident but they might also, like me, have felt the weight of others' assumptions and self-righteousness.

I realize this could be seen as condescending or problematic, and I'm sure I am just projecting on others, but just trying to think through my reactions to seeing "unconventional" bodies. As to those with tattoos and piercings... yep, I feel that "weird person" affinity, but don't usually make eye contact because I feel too uncool. Yes, this is stupid, but that's how it is.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 2, 2010)

spacedcowgirl said:


> I think the "shared experience" piece is what resonates with me most about this question (I voted yes because I think I do have that same affinity). I'm not really one to make eye contact with others or smile or strike up a conversation... generally the less interaction I have with people I don't know, the happier I am. I'm not really proud of that, but it seems to be the way I lean. But I tend to make an effort to smile at or make eye contact with other fat people because I know they've probably had assumptions made about them same as I have, and a lot of the visual scrutiny we get on a day-to-day basis is... um... not smiles (though I know some of you have had different experiences). Ditto for larger people using scooters in the grocery store, or in places fat people aren't "supposed" to be like fast-food restaurants. These people might be totally self-confident but they might also, like me, have felt the weight of others' assumptions and self-righteousness.
> 
> I realize this could be seen as condescending or problematic, and I'm sure I am just projecting on others, but just trying to think through my reactions to seeing "unconventional" bodies. As to those with tattoos and piercings... yep, I feel that "weird person" affinity, but don't usually make eye contact because I feel too uncool. Yes, this is stupid, but that's how it is.




I really relate to this. I smile at fat people everywhere especially ones on scooters cos my mom was on a scooter....I smile at the fat guy getting into his minivan cos I think of my own dad.

I don't really care if I'm projecting or if it's problematic myself...How does a smile when I'm passing by hurt anyone? I don't believe it's condescending at all. 

And to clarify my original post, when I was referring to unconventional, I meant all, not just limited to size, shape or weight.


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## Cors (Dec 3, 2010)

I look conventional (slim to the Western world, no visible piercings or tattoos, feminine and predictably dressed) but I have always felt an affinity with people who are outwardly different be it obviously queer, genderfucked, super fat/thin/tall/short, disabled, punk/goth/alt/heavily into cosplay, heavily modified or all forms of awkward. I grew up as the strange, differently-built queer kid in an extremely conservative and traditional society that valued conformity above everything else and endured years of abuse for it, so I think I can relate. 

However, I am often terrified that the camaraderie is one-sided, that my friendly advances will be rebuffed and more importantly, my experiences invalidated so I am generally hesitant to broach the subject.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 3, 2010)

Cors said:


> I look conventional (slim to the Western world, no visible piercings or tattoos, feminine and predictably dressed) but I have always felt an affinity with people who are outwardly different be it obviously queer, genderfucked, super fat/thin/tall/short, disabled, punk/goth/alt/heavily into cosplay, heavily modified or all forms of awkward. I grew up as the strange, differently-built queer kid in an extremely conservative and traditional society that valued conformity above everything else and endured years of abuse for it, so I think I can relate.
> 
> However, I am often terrified that the camaraderie is one-sided, that my friendly advances will be rebuffed and more importantly, my experiences invalidated so I am generally hesitant to broach the subject.



I can understand how you might be hesitant to share your experiences or the feelings of camaraderie that you have with people who look "unconventional" - since externally you are, as you say, more "conventional" looking. I have friends who I would guess feel the same way, for lots of different reasons, though they haven't been able to articulate it so incisively. 

My feeling is that people enjoy being enjoyed, and if you genuinely like being around people who are outside of what is considered "the norm", they will pick up on that and appreciate it (I think anyone, whether their quirks show up on the surface or not, likes being enjoyed).  

I may not feel that kind of body-specific camaraderie or kinship with someone "conventional" looking in an immediate way, but the reality is most of my friends are thin and relatively normal looking, but I feel a deeper sense of camaraderie with them for more internal reasons. If someone who was conventional looking was to share their own feelings of not fitting in, or isolation, etc., I would still feel a human connection to them and camaraderie in that, even if it wasn't appearance-focused. Since that's also a kind of feeling most humans can relate to - no matter what we look like.


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## ashmamma84 (Dec 3, 2010)

No, not particularly. I tend to smile at most people and/or strike up conversations. People that know me well say I've never met a stranger. If I happen to waiting in line I might spark up a conversation regardless of what the other person looks like.

About the only time I can say I deliberately spoke to a person was because she had thick, natural hair like me and we started to swap hair care tips. But, that's about it.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 3, 2010)

Warning that more of this junk in this thread will earn more infractions and possible time outs. Just please, please stop ruining everything for everyone. And no, this is not just directed at a single poster - so if you think it might be towards you, maybe it is and you should adjust your approach. 



Thanks.


/mods


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## butch (Dec 3, 2010)

I just cleaned the @#$* out of this thread, and more infractions will go out if people keep fighting and insulting each other. Any post related to the arguing had to go to, so if your post is missing, that is why.

-Butch,
co-mod, Main Dimensions Board


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## bonified (Dec 4, 2010)

What's really conventional, I mean look around. I'm in a big crazy city with crazy shit goin' on all the time. Homogonised sterotypical normal isn't conventional or reality for me with my view.
With being a stoner, im biased favourably towards a non conformy aspect of fkdness, lil weary of the sweater vest wearing straighty 180's, the ones that dress so straight you know its has to be a cover lol 
I'm very open and lovin' a potential learn or smile. A good random hit from anyone or anything most of the time otherwise I'm wearing shades and headphones. 
Usually, everyone is equally cool until they piss me off.


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## lalatx (Dec 5, 2010)

I will talk to just about anyone. I don't base my friendships on rather someone is convention or unconventional. I am friends with all kinds of people and I have dated guys that would be considered conventional and unconventional. Like many have said it really comes down to the person themselves and not their appearance. If you are a jerk you are a jerk, If you are awesome than well I like you.


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## Saoirse (Dec 5, 2010)

I've never been made to feel bad because of my weight. It has never affected my life and its not as big a problem as this site led me to believe.


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## superodalisque (Dec 6, 2010)

Saoirse said:


> I've never been made to feel bad because of my weight. It has never affected my life and its not as big a problem as this site led me to believe.



exactly. i think personality figures into it more than anything else. the same issues pop up whether people are big small etc...


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 6, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> exactly. i think personality figures into it more than anything else. the same issues pop up whether people are big small etc...



I agree that personality and expectations shape how we relate to the world in large part, and someone who is constantly looking to see how oppressed, judged, and belittled they are is going to see way more of it than is actually there. And we can even create it by our attitude towards ourselves. I've found that to be true in my own life, anyway.

But that's not the whole story. Negative fat stereotypes exist. I don't go around looking for them, and most of the time I feel good in my skin; but it doesn't change the fact that sometimes when you're just walking down the street (or into the doctor's office, or wherever) and minding your own business, you get some fat-prejudice thrown in your face. 

Do non-fat people experience issues and prejudice and stereotypes? Yeah, of course, I'm not at all saying fat people cornered the market on it. But anyone who thinks fatness makes ZERO difference to how you're treated in the world is not quite open to reality. I'm not crying about it, and I'm not saying I can't have an awesome life anyway. But reality is still reality.


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## superodalisque (Dec 6, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> I agree that personality and expectations shape how we relate to the world in large part, and someone who is constantly looking to see how oppressed, judged, and belittled they are is going to see way more of it than is actually there. And we can even create it by our attitude towards ourselves. I've found that to be true in my own life, anyway.
> 
> But that's not the whole story. Negative fat stereotypes exist. I don't go around looking for them, and most of the time I feel good in my skin; but it doesn't change the fact that sometimes when you're just walking down the street (or into the doctor's office, or wherever) and minding your own business, you get some fat-prejudice thrown in your face.
> 
> Do non-fat people experience issues and prejudice and stereotypes? Yeah, of course, I'm not at all saying fat people cornered the market on it. But anyone who thinks fatness makes ZERO difference to how you're treated in the world is not quite open to reality. I'm not crying about it, and I'm not saying I can't have an awesome life anyway. But reality is still reality.




i'm personally not saying fat prejudice makes zero difference. in an ideal world if we have the internal strength it would be nice if it didn't but thats unrealistic. some people will feel it and notice it more than others for different reasons and that will always be true. thats okay. but unfortunately for them they do make it much harder on themselves than it has to be--maybe partially because they have all kinds of false expectations about exactly what someone's outside says about people. in some ways expecting fat hate from a large percentage of people could make them just as trivializing and judgemental as thy accuse fat haters of being. and just maybe they might blame fat for the negative energy they get back because people tend to focus on something like fat as a vulnerability they can attack in someone when they actually have a personality clash. for some people i think fat is an easy out and an easy crutch when the truth is they are behaving disfunctionally with other people and other people are mirroring that back. thats not always the case but it does happen. in my experience most people don't really care as much about fat as many make it out. i know its not all about me. and since its not all about me all of the time. and since fat is not the focus of my life and everything about it as a whole its not for people who aren't fat either.

all i'm saying is that for me being fat and KNOWING all people have the same potential for good or bad inside i have no intention of having any expectation of anyone else based soley on what they look like. i won't cultivate that in myself. i give everyone a chance based on how they treat me. thats all it takes. someone can look exactly like me-- be my same race weight height and sex and still be the worst person i know internally. so it means nothing and i'm wasting my time if i think that it does. it makes no impact on me because there are no shortcuts to knowing whats inside of someone. the only thing fat prejudice proves for me is just exactly how little anything people judge on the outside has anything to do with who anyone is in totality.


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## Qadira (Dec 6, 2010)

I read through most of what was in this thread. Apparently some things needed to be edited out. I would just like to toss in my 2 cents on the overall topic which seems to be affinity for unconventional looks not specific to weight, height or color. It could be style, choices or anything else that marks one as physically unconventional. It's been hashed over quite well the disparities of convention being societal based. It's assumed on a large scale that we all want to "fit in". I answered the poll question "I don't know" specifically because sometimes I notice the physicality of those around me and sometimes I don't. Some things stand out more than others and as someone whose unconventionality wasn't a conscious choice I tend to smile and be drawn to people's whose was (tattoos, piercings, and so forth). I've gotten out of the habit of smiling at bigger people when I see them because often they're not meeting me in the eye and miss the attempt. I don't find that to be true with other unconventionals. I do go out of my way to smile and be nice to plus size children. I know what I went through growing up and hope that a kind word will manage to stick out over negative critism they may otherwise encounter. As an african american woman I know that I am seen by other african american/black people whether they acknowledge me or not. I think the same can be said of plus size people specifically. I don't know if convention seeks convention but I do know that it takes a lot of practice not to seek out those who look like you or those who you'd like to look like. Being happy in your skin as an act of will.


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## Punkin1024 (Dec 8, 2010)

I voted "yes" because, having lived in a short, fat body most all my life, I tend to be more sympathetic with anyone that does not fit the norm. Not just fat people, but anyone that has to deal with a world built for "normal" sized people.


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