# Self Deprivation



## superodalisque (Jun 24, 2013)

we're fat so it's evident we aren't really depriving ourselves of food but do we deprive ourselves of other things? most women seem to. i think it's easy to fall into the habit of being totally self sufficient. true it is an achievement but do we over do it sometimes. know i tend to. a friend of mine posted this great article and i think it is worth clicking on. i think a lot of us can probably relate to it to at least some extent. do you give yourself as much as you think you should?


*9 Ways You May Unwittingly Deprive Yourself of Love and Fulfillment
*
By Mike Bundrant

excerpt:

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/9-ways-you-unwittingly-deprive-yourself-of-love-and-fulfillment/


1. You don’t express your needs.

Refusing to express your needs virtually guarantees deprivation. Millions of people allow others to ignore, take advantage, and take them for granted because they will not speak up.

2. You are overly focused on the needs of others.

Focusing solely on the needs of others at the expense of your own is actually a disservice to yourself and others. It typically leads to resentment and emotional martyrdom. 

3. You feel guilty when you do something for yourself. 

Guilt or “selfish” feelings when you meet your own needs is a sign that you don’t believe you deserve to have them met, as if it were wrong. 

4. You can’t take compliments.

Not accepting compliments graciously (inside and out) is a way to deflect them, depriving yourself of the need to be appreciated. 

5. You are attracted to emotionally unavailable or self-centered people. 

A sure way to not to get your needs met is to attract emotionally unavailable or narcissistic people into your life. When you commit to these kinds of people, you set yourself up for a lifetime of emotional deprivation.

6. You expect disappointment. 

Expecting disappointment keeps fulfillment at a distance. Going into situations anticipating disappointment becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

7. You don’t know what you want or cannot define your purpose in life.

This is so common! People usually don’t think of it this way, but not knowing what you want or even trying to figure it out is a way to avoid your purpose. Living with a sense of purpose is a huge need that brings meaning and fulfillment.

8. You shy away from intimacy. 

When you avoid close relationships or shy away from deeper connections with people, you miss out on this fundamental contribution to happiness and fulfillment.

9. You cannot enjoy the moment.

Letting go and having fun in the here and now is an important way to experience fulfillment and reduce stress. It is a huge need! Staying in your head, remaining preoccupied or self-conscious robs you of the opportunity to enjoy your now.


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## ashmamma84 (Jun 24, 2013)

I try not to deprive myself. It goes against the hedonist in me. Anyway, my honey and I read books together, among other activities. We read The Five Love Languages and it was a game changer because it focused on many of the things the article you posted touched on. It has cracked open our hearts and minds. Our communication is different and better. We don't have to have a poker face on; we can just be. Without judgement or predication.

Although we are a same sex couple, our gender identities are different so it is nice to gain an added dimensions of intimacy. It takes vulnerability on my part to let her do things for me. I am very independent in all areas of my life, but I didn't and don't want it to be to my detriment. She needs to feel like I need her around, as a pillar of support, etc. So I'm not perfect with it, but I am cognizant of her need to be a good provider and the way she expresses that to me.

As for myself, it has been a realization in action that no man is an island. I don't have to have it all together, all the time. I can embrace all of my being human and not feeling like I am not measuring up or I have to feel any guilt about it. Or even guilt about pleasure/that which is given to me in love. 

My home, my partner is a soft place to fall and I know that she will catch me.


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