# Dear Conrad:



## Substantia Jones (Jun 6, 2012)

Dear Conrad: You may remember me as Boteroesque Babe, former active member and moderator here. I hope you’ll call upon the good will from my many years at Dimensions and hear me out.

A female member here has just been scammed and robbed by another member. This fact is not in contention. The perpetrator has admitted to his crime, and it has since come to light that he’s done similar to others, plucking his victims from this forum. Thanks to the assorted fat communities on Facebook, I’ve just learned that a thread warning other women was posted here, and subsequently closed by you, saying it was not a board matter.

I’m baffled and vexed by this seemingly irresponsible decision, and urge you to rethink it. I imagine your goal is to protect the reputation of Dimensions, but please understand that this action puts a fairly huge dent in that very reputation. It also puts the women of your board in danger and sets a wildly reckless precedent. Do you want to be responsible for future crimes between forum members? Perhaps violent crimes? That may sound outrageous, but I see it as the logical progression of what you’ve put in motion.

I was once the victim of a crime at the hands of a member of this forum, and at the time you said you were unable to give me the information that would assist me. I believed you. I’m now forced to question that.

Please, Conrad. Invest in the safety of the members here. Allow this uncontested crime to be discussed.

Thanks in advance for your [re]consideration.

BB

Edited to add: Hiya, to any old-timers who may still be here.


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## vardon_grip (Jun 6, 2012)

Substantia Jones said:


> Dear Conrad: You may remember me as Boteroesque Babe, former active member and moderator here. I hope you’ll call upon the good will from my many years at Dimensions and hear me out.
> 
> A female member here has just been scammed and robbed by another member. This fact is not in contention. The perpetrator has admitted to his crime, and it has since come to light that he’s done similar to others, plucking his victims from this forum. Thanks to the assorted fat communities on Facebook, I’ve just learned that a thread warning other women was posted here, and subsequently closed by you, saying it was not a board matter.
> 
> ...



This is a wonderful post. I hope your impassioned plea does not fall on deaf ears again.

While I understand that some will think that anyone can/will make blind or false accusations at the drop of a hat; it has already been done "anonymously" in threads here, done for ages in the Dimensions chat room (although no one really goes there anymore) and done in FB groups started by and filled with Dims members.


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## Emma (Jun 6, 2012)

I couldn't agree with you more.


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## Ivy (Jun 6, 2012)

i agree 1000%


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## willowmoon (Jun 6, 2012)

I would have to call into question why this guy is still active on the boards and not banned ... that is particularly troubling.


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## Deven (Jun 6, 2012)

brainfreeze said:


> Maybe because if they banned every FA who did a shitty thing there wouldn't be many left?.



Some do crappy things, but this is flat out using these girls to steal from...


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## MrSensible (Jun 6, 2012)

Substantia Jones said:


> Dear Conrad: You may remember me as Boteroesque Babe, former active member and moderator here. I hope youll call upon the good will from my many years at Dimensions and hear me out.
> 
> A female member here has just been scammed and robbed by another member. This fact is not in contention. The perpetrator has admitted to his crime, and it has since come to light that hes done similar to others, plucking his victims from this forum. Thanks to the assorted fat communities on Facebook, Ive just learned that a thread warning other women was posted here, and subsequently closed by you, saying it was not a board matter.
> 
> ...



Well said. I agree completely. I was baffled when he said it wasn't a board issue, let alone the fact he closed the thread. If the offending member is going to be allowed to continue roaming freely around here, then it's certainly a board issue. I mean, this is a community after all, right? Shouldn't friends be allowed to warn and protect each other? 

Before anyone jumps on me, I'm not saying to believe every accusation written by someone with a join date the same as the post itself, but in a case like this, where there are even other people coming out about the shady practices of the guy, it seems like a credible community issue. At the very least, the thread should have remained open to discussion.



willowmoon said:


> I would have to call into question why this guy is still active on the boards and not banned ... that is particularly troubling.



My thoughts as well.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 6, 2012)

willowmoon said:


> I would have to call into question why this guy is still active on the boards and not banned ... that is particularly troubling.


Especially given the haste with which posts were removed, people not the perpetrator were warned, and threads were closed.



DevenDoom said:


> Some do crappy things, but this is flat out using these girls to steal from...


It's also using this FORUM to do terrible things. The Fe...llow in question uses the name of THIS FORUM and of MEMBERS OF THIS FORUM to earn trust.

Of course everyone needs to be careful, but that doesn't mean it isn't a board issue. It's very much a board matter.


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## Gingembre (Jun 6, 2012)

I agree. 

The two people in question met on *this board*. They were in similar social circles because of *this board*. The thief has committed similar crimes to other people he has met through *this board*. I don't see how you can say it's not a board issue.


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## thatgirl08 (Jun 6, 2012)

Totally agreed.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 6, 2012)

Webmaster said:


> If we let everyone who has been wronged in a relationship vent here, we'd have nothing but.



There are threads all over this forum where people do just that; this is a silly reason to give for closing a thread down. Silly and obvious.


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## spiritangel (Jun 6, 2012)

I am shocked the thread was closed.

If nothing else it stands as a warning to women to be careful.

Well said to everyone because I honestly agree with all of the above.

I get that Dim's is just a forum but surely a few rules of conduct (considering people can have their account suspended or blocked for far less infractions)
such as not ripping other members off is hardly out of line.


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## mango (Jun 6, 2012)

*I agree with the sentiments of the OP in its entirety.



*


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## imfree (Jun 6, 2012)

I'm wondering if "hush-hush" and closed threads are just to keep Dimm's out of legal battles and especially from slander, should a defendant claim that the forums and posts unfairly influenced a case? Regardless, I still get a bit creeped-out when I know there's been a major explosion in these forums, but can't find any pieces to at least get an idea of what actually happened.


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## CastingPearls (Jun 6, 2012)

I stand with the OP fully.


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## CastingPearls (Jun 6, 2012)

imfree said:


> I'm wondering if "hush-hush" and closed threads are just to keep Dimm's out of legal battles and especially from slander, should a defendant claim that the forums and posts unfairly influenced a case? Regardless, I still get a bit creeped-out when I know there's been a major explosion in these forums, but can't find any pieces to at least get an idea of what actually happened.


Or the opposite; It could be argued that by *closing* the thread, the forum, the site in fact, could be legally complicit in promoting this type of behavior.


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## Isa (Jun 6, 2012)

willowmoon said:


> I would have to call into question why this guy is still active on the boards and not banned ... that is particularly troubling.



If anyone ever answers that question for you, please share it with the rest of us.

Oh and I fully agree with the OP's post.


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## SuperMishe (Jun 6, 2012)

imfree said:


> ...Regardless, I still get a bit creeped-out when I know there's been a major explosion in these forums, but can't find any pieces to at least get an idea of what actually happened.



What he said... I always seem to miss this stuff and now as I read these posts, I'm wondering about this guy I just started talking to here on Dims.


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## Emma (Jun 6, 2012)

Info is in this thread for people who are concerned. http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=94537


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## Shosh (Jun 6, 2012)

Firstly may I express my sympathy to the victim of this outrageous crime. It is absolutely terrible, a horrible violation of their trust, and I hope the perpetrator is prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

I believe that this matter should be able to be discussed here and that the thread should not have been closed.

I do not believe however that Conrad can be held responsible for the actions of people that commit these kind of crimes.
And to say that he could be responsible if a possible violent crime occured by a person who is a community member here is most unfair in my opinion.
How can he control the actions of adults? That is not his role.

He is the webmaster of an online community. He is not responsible for policing the actions of adults.


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## CleverBomb (Jun 7, 2012)

CastingPearls said:


> Or the opposite; It could be argued that by *closing* the thread, the forum, the site in fact, could be legally complicit in promoting this type of behavior.



This. 

- Rusty


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## CleverBomb (Jun 7, 2012)

Past the edit time-window:
However, barring proof that the site management had seen legally-valid evidence for the allegations, my lay opinion is that complicity (for liability purposes) would be extremely difficult to prove in court.

It makes sense from the standpoint of exposure to litigation.

The rest, well, is a matter for subjective opinion. 

-Rusty


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## Big_Belly_Lover (Jun 7, 2012)

I think a warning should be put out but it shouldn't be allowed to just go on and on because then things just go round in circles as usual.

If the guy gets banned then he'll only come back under a different user name, give them false information about who he is and then try and meet someone - when that happens that's an even more deceitful act and more dangerous for the person involved.

I was at a gig last night in London and was told numerous times by staff inside that there were lots of thefts the previous nights so I kept my belongings safe where I knew where they were - things like this happen wherever you go...

A couple of years ago when I was walking home down my road I was assaulted by about 5 or 6 youths - now you could say I was partly to blame for this as I'd been on a night out with friends and decided to take the bus home instead of a taxi which would have been a safer option for me. I subsequently contacted the police on the matter and they were absolutely useless in the handling of the crime that had been commited to me, even my complaint wasn't taken seriously, I did however manage to get some compensation from the Criminal Injuries Compensation Association - I'm not sure if contacting an organisation like that would help.

A little off topic I guess but was just sharing my experiences of crime...

Matt.


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 7, 2012)

willowmoon said:


> I would have to call into question why this guy is still active on the boards and not banned ... that is particularly troubling.



Because we shouldn't go down the road of banning people for what they do in real life.

This is easily the only time I've ever disagreed with thatgirl08 and Ivy and I doubt it will happen again. Allowing this talk to go on on Dims will set a bad precedent. In this case the man involved has admitted what he did, but what if he hadn't? What if somebody wound up being falsely accused and having a reputation ruined? This is a clear cut crime but there are dozens of other grey areas. What if a married person pretended to be single? What if age or social status was misrepresented on Dims as it often is elsewhere online? What about gender? Allowing this board to be used to expose personal issues can wind up making it a lynch mob.

Conrad is not, and can't be responsible for the behaviours of adults across the world simply because they post on his site. From what has been posted on other site, this man met his victim at a BBW social event, not even online.

Dimensions and the FA community exist largely in real life. Lots of us know each other and are friends and lovers. There are meetups all over the place as well as bashes and other BBW events and clubs. Even online there are Facebooks and other cyber venues to communicate. I have no doubt the crime victim here has had enough opportunity to warn other potential victims.


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## NoWayOut (Jun 7, 2012)

Couldn't agree more with the original poster. This is supposed to be a tight-knit community, and that can't exist with a legit reason to fear other members. This topic needs to be out there, not hidden.


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## Deven (Jun 7, 2012)

LoveBHMS said:


> Because we shouldn't go down the road of banning people for what they do in real life.
> 
> This is easily the only time I've ever disagreed with thatgirl08 and Ivy and I doubt it will happen again. Allowing this talk to go on on Dims will set a bad precedent. In this case the man involved has admitted what he did, but what if he hadn't? What if somebody wound up being falsely accused and having a reputation ruined? This is a clear cut crime but there are dozens of other grey areas. What if a married person pretended to be single? What if age or social status was misrepresented on Dims as it often is elsewhere online? What about gender? Allowing this board to be used to expose personal issues can wind up making it a lynch mob.
> 
> ...



So he should be allowed on the forum where he is still preying on women? So he can find more victims? Yeah, that makes total sense. 

Not everyone belongs to more than 1 community, you know. I only belong to this one, and would be unaware otherwise. I also don't have many dimmers on my Facebook: just 3 or so.


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 7, 2012)

To quote a fabulous former member here, everyone wants a safe haven, but the internet isn't where that's going to be.


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## Giraffes?Giraffes! (Jun 7, 2012)

Substantia Jones said:


> Dear Conrad: You may remember me as Boteroesque Babe, former active member and moderator here. I hope youll call upon the good will from my many years at Dimensions and hear me out.
> 
> A female member here has just been scammed and robbed by another member. This fact is not in contention. The perpetrator has admitted to his crime, and it has since come to light that hes done similar to others, plucking his victims from this forum. Thanks to the assorted fat communities on Facebook, Ive just learned that a thread warning other women was posted here, and subsequently closed by you, saying it was not a board matter.
> 
> ...



Agreed on all counts.


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## willowmoon (Jun 7, 2012)

I think when this many people of the Dims community are certainly outraged about this, clearly a message is being sent. People have met before on Dims and sometimes things don't work out and they break up ... which, yeah, is a relationship situation and certainly not a Dims "board" issue. But what this guy did goes WAY beyond a relationship merely not working out. 

By allowing him to stay as an active member of the boards just looks wrong. I understand that perhaps the guy could try to get back on the boards under a different username but I would imagine he would be "outed" quickly. Example: we have had people in the past who were banned but then got back on under a different username but certain things tip other members off as in the style of the posts, basic sentence structure, grammar, etc. It doesn't take long to figure them out, it's like a fingerprint basically.

Conrad, I don't think you would be legally responsible for the actions of one bad apple. But to merely sweep this matter under the carpet sends the wrong impression to new Dims members along with us "seasoned" ones. 

I urge you to please reconsider your stance on this matter.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 7, 2012)

willowmoon said:


> But what this guy did goes WAY beyond a relationship merely not working out.



But what this guy did goes WAY beyond a relationship merely not working out. 

But what this guy did goes WAY beyond a relationship merely not working out.

But what this guy did goes WAY beyond a relationship merely not working out.


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## The Fez (Jun 7, 2012)

(I'm quitting of my own accord so no need to get the banhammer out, I know Conrad isn't a fan)

What I did was awful yes, but just to be clear, I don't go around the forum as a 'predator' luring women into this. She's the only person I've stolen from (not excusing how bad it is), and I'll be paying her back asap. I didn't meet up with her with the intent of stealing from her, it's an awful decision I made that I'm going to regret for a very long time.

I think the other two people in question are two women that I've borrowed money from (20 and 60 quid respectively) and have already spoken to about paying back.

The rest is mostly gossip and hearsay (somebody said it was for drugs? lolwhat)

anyway, yeah, I'll be leaving on my own so no worries there


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## vardon_grip (Jun 7, 2012)

LoveBHMS said:


> To quote a fabulous former member here, everyone wants a safe haven, but the internet isn't where that's going to be.



I'm down with what you're saying. Dimensions is on the internet, so...

Dimensions is not a safe haven.


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## mejix (Jun 7, 2012)

Solidarity with the OP.


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## vardon_grip (Jun 7, 2012)

The Fez said:


> (I'm quitting of my own accord so no need to get the banhammer out, I know Conrad isn't a fan)
> 
> What I did was awful yes, but just to be clear, I don't go around the forum as a 'predator' luring women into this. She's the only person I've stolen from (not excusing how bad it is), and I'll be paying her back asap. I didn't meet up with her with the intent of stealing from her, it's an awful decision I made that I'm going to regret for a very long time.
> 
> ...



You bring up an interesting point: Is leaving of your own accord the same as being banned?

My opinion is no. It doesn't matter if a member leaves out of triumph, disgust, disinterest or shame...it is still a choice. It is also a choice that can be reversed. 

Another point this brings up is if theft doesn't warrant banishment, then what do we compare other banishments to?

Troll vs. Thief?
Profanity vs. Thief?
Rant against deathfat vs. Thief?
Rant against Dimensions vs. Thief?
William vs. Thief?
Stldpn vs.Thief?

A lot of things look trivial in comparison.
If there was only one choice allowed and the choice was between keeping a troll or an admitted thief, I would choose the troll...and no one can stand trolls.

Let's see what Dimensions chooses.


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## The Fez (Jun 7, 2012)

what I did is probably worse than all of the above. I'm well aware of that and what I want to do now is make sure she gets her money back, get some therapy and move on with my life.

Although I guess I'm supposed to be this really evil person so, sure, you can think that if you want, I won't blame you, and ultimately it doesn't effect either me or any of you. I just never intend to do this sort of thing again, and to get there I need a fresh start anyway.

I'll stay in touch with the few friends that are willing to, and go from there. I'd also like to apologise to anybody that knew me and thought better of me.


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 7, 2012)

vardon_grip said:


> You bring up an interesting point: Is leaving of your own accord the same as being banned?
> 
> My opinion is no. It doesn't matter if a member leaves out of triumph, disgust, disinterest or shame...it is still a choice. It is also a choice that can be reversed.
> 
> ...



No. Leaving on your own accord is what you do when you get sick.... and tired.... of the way a place twists and strains itself to obsess over bad words and other stupid crap while allowing crooks and liars to roam free.


ETA: Oh wait, he's sorry. Nevermind then. *eyeroll*


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## Marlayna (Jun 7, 2012)

The Fez said:


> what I did is probably worse than all of the above. I'm well aware of that and what I want to do now is make sure she gets her money back, get some therapy and move on with my life.
> 
> Although I guess I'm supposed to be this really evil person so, sure, you can think that if you want, I won't blame you, and ultimately it doesn't effect either me or any of you. I just never intend to do this sort of thing again, and to get there I need a fresh start anyway.
> 
> I'll stay in touch with the few friends that are willing to, and go from there. I'd also like to apologise to anybody that knew me and thought better of me.


You suck!


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## fritzi (Jun 7, 2012)

I can fully understand the OPs position - but also have some understanding for where the webmaster is coming from.

Easy banning and board punishment might indeed lead to more dirty laundry being aired with a plethora of libel, slander, etc. and their consequences on the boards.

Imo there is a pretty straightforward solution though, which would apply in the case in question: As soon as there is a police record, a criminal charge has been filed or which ever the legal proceeding in the country in question might be (evidence of this can easily be mailed) - then the webmaster/board responsibles can take the according measures on the board, ban the person in question to ensure as far as possible that other board members are not harmed.

Bad behavior is one thing - criminal offences another.
Differentiate between them and treat them accordingly.


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## Lovelyone (Jun 7, 2012)

fritzi said:


> I can fully understand the OPs position - but also have some understanding for where the webmaster is coming from.
> 
> Easy banning and board punishment might indeed lead to more dirty laundry being aired with a plethora of libel, slander, etc. and their consequences on the boards.
> 
> ...



I really tried not to post on this or the other thread, but I could not let this one pass by. 

So what you are saying is...that unless there are charges filed this should be swept under the rug and counted as just "bad behavior"? REALLY?? I doubt you would feel that way if it happened to you. So stealing is just "bad behavior" unless there are charges filed...in which it then becomes punishable--interesting, albeit completely wrong theory. Are you kidding? Theft IS a criminal offense with or without charges being filed. PERIOD. There is NO difference between a theft with charges filed and a theft without charges filed. Someone has been stolen from and that is a criminal act.

The problem lies in the fact that this person seems to have used this board to prey on larger women. He has now admitted to "borrowing money" from two OTHER women(whom--by his own admission, he has not paid back) in addition to admitting that he has stolen from the OP. There is no question that he's a thief because he has admitted to being one. Should that other thread have been closed? In my opinion,no...but it's not my forum. I am only a tiny part of a huge community. However, I would prefer to be enlightened to these kinds of things as to avoid them happening to me (as I am sure most other ladies would).


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## Ample Pie (Jun 7, 2012)

LillyBBBW said:


> No. Leaving on your own accord is what you do when you get sick.... and tired.... of the way a place twists and strains itself to obsess over bad words and other stupid crap while allowing crooks and liars to roam free.


Yup.
This.
I've never used the forum to lure people into a false sense of solidarity or security only to steal from them...and yet I've gotten an infraction (supposedly for calling someone fucking twaddle, when really I said her words were fucking twaddle), been warned for calling a sexist pig a pig while he was calling fat women like me pigs using different language, and had my posts on this matter deleted.

Maybe I'll switch over. I'll quit having opinions and just start stealing from Dims members. Then I'll truly belong.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 7, 2012)

The Fez said:


> (I'm quitting of my own accord so no need to get the banhammer out, I know Conrad isn't a fan)
> 
> What I did was awful yes, but just to be clear, I don't go around the forum as a 'predator' luring women into this. She's the only person I've stolen from (not excusing how bad it is), and I'll be paying her back asap. I didn't meet up with her with the intent of stealing from her, it's an awful decision I made that I'm going to regret for a very long time.
> 
> ...


 
Make it right and most definitely get that help.


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## MrSensible (Jun 7, 2012)

Lovelyone said:


> I really tried not to post on this or the other thread, but I could not let this one pass by.
> 
> So what you are saying is...that unless there are charges filed this should be swept under the rug and counted as just "bad behavior"? REALLY?? I doubt you would feel that way if it happened to you. So stealing is just "bad behavior" unless there are charges filed...in which it then becomes punishable--interesting, albeit completely wrong theory. Are you kidding? Theft IS a criminal offense with or without charges being filed. PERIOD. There is NO difference between a theft with charges filed and a theft without charges filed. Someone has been stolen from and that is a criminal act.
> 
> The problem lies in the fact that this person seems to have used this board to prey on larger women. He has now admitted to "borrowing money" from two OTHER women(whom--by his own admission, he has not paid back) in addition to admitting that he has stolen from the OP. There is no question that he's a thief because he has admitted to being one. Should that other thread have been closed? In my opinion,no...but it's not my forum. I am only a tiny part of a huge community. However, I would prefer to be enlightened to these kinds of things as to avoid them happening to me (as I am sure most other ladies would).



Great post, was getting ready to write something like this myself .

Anyone mind sending a rep her way for me, please?


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## willowmoon (Jun 7, 2012)

The Fez said:


> (I'm quitting of my own accord so no need to get the banhammer out, I know Conrad isn't a fan)
> 
> What I did was awful yes, but just to be clear, I don't go around the forum as a 'predator' luring women into this. She's the only person I've stolen from (not excusing how bad it is), and I'll be paying her back asap. I didn't meet up with her with the intent of stealing from her, it's an awful decision I made that I'm going to regret for a very long time.
> 
> ...



£500 sure would buy a lot of birthday presents today, I'm guessing.


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## Emma (Jun 7, 2012)

Has anyone seen the song that the original poster (on the other thread) wrote and performed about this all?

It is so damn funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=l8_OMpUeycg#!


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## fritzi (Jun 7, 2012)

Lovelyone said:


> I really tried not to post on this or the other thread, but I could not let this one pass by.
> 
> So what you are saying is...that unless there are charges filed this should be swept under the rug and counted as just "bad behavior"? REALLY?? I doubt you would feel that way if it happened to you. So stealing is just "bad behavior" unless there are charges filed...in which it then becomes punishable--interesting, albeit completely wrong theory. Are you kidding? Theft IS a criminal offense with or without charges being filed. PERIOD. There is NO difference between a theft with charges filed and a theft without charges filed. Someone has been stolen from and that is a criminal act.
> 
> The problem lies in the fact that this person seems to have used this board to prey on larger women. He has now admitted to "borrowing money" from two OTHER women(whom--by his own admission, he has not paid back) in addition to admitting that he has stolen from the OP. There is no question that he's a thief because he has admitted to being one. Should that other thread have been closed? In my opinion,no...but it's not my forum. I am only a tiny part of a huge community. However, I would prefer to be enlightened to these kinds of things as to avoid them happening to me (as I am sure most other ladies would).



You completely misunderstood my post!
The perpetrator in question committed theft which is a crime!

My point is that I can understand the necessity to substantiate charges on behalf of board administrators before taking any action within the community.

In this case the situation is perfectively clear, charges have been made, the perpetrator has admitted his crimes .... as I stated in my post, I fully support the OP of this thread that this should be discussed on the boards, warnings expressed and I expect action from the side of the board administrators.

But ... on a more general note ... should actions from the side of the community be taken if only an allegation, possibly a false one is voiced? 
You've definitely seen personal disputes between protagonists on these boards were simple bad behavior (again, not in the case in question) was blown totally out of proportion.
Internet slander is a pretty common sport these days .... and cyber harrassment can also lead to very negative consequences....

Fairness and the rule of law should apply as well as possible on this board too, that was what I tried to point out. So I know where the administrators are coming from when they're reluctant (sometimes too reluctant) to take action.

Call out and punish the offenders ... as in this case.
Just be sure allegations are well founded before you do so ....


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## CrankySpice (Jun 7, 2012)

LoveBHMS said:


> Because we shouldn't go down the road of banning people for what they do in real life.
> 
> This is easily the only time I've ever disagreed with thatgirl08 and Ivy and I doubt it will happen again. Allowing this talk to go on on Dims will set a bad precedent. In this case the man involved has admitted what he did, but what if he hadn't? What if somebody wound up being falsely accused and having a reputation ruined? This is a clear cut crime but there are dozens of other grey areas. What if a married person pretended to be single? What if age or social status was misrepresented on Dims as it often is elsewhere online? What about gender? Allowing this board to be used to expose personal issues can wind up making it a lynch mob.
> 
> ...



I've given this issue a lot of thought since SJ made this post, and I have come to the same conclusions as LovesBHMS.

We can't hold an internet board or moderator or owner responsible for real life events. The moderators/board owner can only monitor _what happens on the boards._ They can't be expected to guard us or babysit us once we're offline, regardless of whether or not the person(s) is question met on this board. 

That's kinda like saying the pub where they met is equally responsible in monitoring their patrons for acts they commit outside of the pub. Which is kind of ridiculous.

Yes, it sucks, yes, he's a grade A jerk BUT he didn't get her PIN on Dims, nor her debit card, nor the ATM he used to commit the crime. Not a board issue.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 7, 2012)

Whether he's responsible for policing the matter or not isn't really the issue. The issue is whether it's a board matter at all.

And it is. 

No the dude didn't get her PIN here, but he did use the forum in his con.

It's a board matter even if it isn't a board-policing matter.

Letting the OP have her say and warn other people isn't the same thing as asking Conrad to solve the fucking crime.

False equivalency anyone?


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## Ample Pie (Jun 7, 2012)

LoveBHMS said:


> To quote a fabulous former member here, everyone wants a safe haven, but the internet isn't where that's going to be.



So, what, don't do anything to try to make is safer? 

Well, nothing is safe in life. And please don't pretend like you don't take precautions.


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## Shosh (Jun 7, 2012)

CrankySpice said:


> I've given this issue a lot of thought since SJ made this post, and I have come to the same conclusions as LovesBHMS.
> 
> We can't hold an internet board or moderator or owner responsible for real life events. The moderators/board owner can only monitor _what happens on the boards._ They can't be expected to guard us or babysit us once we're offline, regardless of whether or not the person(s) is question met on this board.
> 
> ...



Agreed.

I think the issue should be able to be discussed here and for women to be given a heads up, but this board has approaching 60,000 members, should Conrad be held responsible for the behaviour and decisions of each and every one of them? No.


----------



## mango (Jun 7, 2012)

LoveBHMS said:


> Because we shouldn't go down the road of banning people for what they do in real life.
> 
> This is easily the only time I've ever disagreed with thatgirl08 and Ivy and I doubt it will happen again. Allowing this talk to go on on Dims will set a bad precedent. In this case the man involved has admitted what he did, but what if he hadn't? What if somebody wound up being falsely accused and having a reputation ruined? This is a clear cut crime but there are dozens of other grey areas. What if a married person pretended to be single? What if age or social status was misrepresented on Dims as it often is elsewhere online? What about gender? Allowing this board to be used to expose personal issues can wind up making it a lynch mob.
> 
> ...





CrankySpice said:


> I've given this issue a lot of thought since SJ made this post, and I have come to the same conclusions as LovesBHMS.
> 
> We can't hold an internet board or moderator or owner responsible for real life events. The moderators/board owner can only monitor _what happens on the boards._ They can't be expected to guard us or babysit us once we're offline, regardless of whether or not the person(s) is question met on this board.
> 
> ...



*Raising hypotheticals about whether the perpetrator denies it or not (and who now has even confessed to the theft in this thread) is irrelevant in this case. 

This is not a he said/she said case of accusation and denial.

And I don't think anyone is accusing the forum owner or moderators of being complicit in what happened outside of the boards / in real life.


What has left a shitty taste in a lot of people's mouths is the fact that the webmaster chose to close down the thread started by the victim warning others here about this guy and refusing to accept what has happened as an online community issue.

People have every right to be aware who this guy is, what he has done and what he has confessed to - especially since he is still an active member on this board. *




LoveBHMS said:


> I have no doubt the crime victim here has had enough opportunity to warn other potential victims.



*Not on this board. And who are you to decide how much opportunity is enough? 

There is now more information coming to light (from The Fez himself) about other women in the community who he has "borrowed" money from (albeit smaller amounts). So this is isn't a first instance or a once-off.

What I gathered from the OP/Letter to Conrad was the question about whether the forum management condone predatory behaviour or are they willing to condemn it. 

Allowing it to continue by closing the thread warning others, shutting down discussion and removing or editing posts which named "The Fez" (which is what happened) could lead to more victims. 

Does the webmaster really want that on his conscience? 




*


----------



## MadLordOfMilk (Jun 7, 2012)

I am going to have to agree with Conrad on this one. 

Locking the thread, while irksome for many, is at least a responsible option that (hopefully) helps keep dims out of legal trouble. It is not as though the thread was deleted in the night and it was all swept under the rug; ot was locked to help mitigate a potentially massive clusterfuck.

The warning is still there, and the guy has come forward and is trying to make amends. Though it doesn't make it right and the damage has been done... What else do you want? A public crucifixion? It's a shitty situation, but there really isn't much else that can be done. It's about as good of an ending as it could possibly be. Mindless rage or vengeance won't accomplish anything.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 7, 2012)

This isn't a dating site.

Buyer beware.


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## joswitch (Jun 7, 2012)

CurvyEm said:


> Has anyone seen the song that the original poster (on the other thread) wrote and performed about this all?
> 
> It is so damn funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=l8_OMpUeycg#!



Ahahahaha!! Vengeance! Well done that lass!


----------



## joswitch (Jun 7, 2012)

Surlysomething said:


> This isn't a dating site.
> 
> Buyer beware.



If she'd been buying she might've expected better quality of service.

See also, her video.


----------



## joswitch (Jun 7, 2012)

The Fez said:


> (I'm quitting of my own accord so no need to get the banhammer out, I know Conrad isn't a fan)
> 
> What I did was awful yes, but just to be clear, I don't go around the forum as a 'predator' luring women into this. She's the only person I've stolen from (not excusing how bad it is), and *I'll be paying her back* asap.


The sooner you do the more likely the magistrates will go easier on you.


> I didn't meet up with her with the intent of stealing from her, it's an awful decision I made that I'm going to regret for a very long time.



At least a couple of hundred hours of community service, hopefully picking up litter in the pissing rain in a nice orange overall. Given the limp-wristedness of Brit justice, that's probably the best to be hoped for.


----------



## CrankySpice (Jun 7, 2012)

Ample Pie said:


> Whether he's responsible for policing the matter or not isn't really the issue. The issue is whether it's a board matter at all.
> 
> And it is.
> 
> ...



She did have her say. Dude was outed. Thread was closed. I don't see the problem. Other than that people are butthurt that they didn't get to have their say in the original thread.

Obviousness, anyone?


----------



## joswitch (Jun 7, 2012)

The Fez said:


> what I did is probably worse than all of the above. I'm well aware of that and what I want to do now is make sure she gets her money back,* get some therapy and move on with my life.*
> 
> Although I guess I'm supposed to be this really evil person so, sure, you can think that if you want, I won't blame you, and ultimately it doesn't effect either me or any of you. I just never intend to do this sort of thing again, and to get there* I need a fresh start anyway.*



*barf* "get some therapy"!???!! You're a thief, not a victim!! 

You might want to get a bloody solicitor, first - you know, to plead your defence in court...



P.S. I've still got an infraction running, and I don't know whether or not pointing out to a self-confessed thief, that he is - in fact - a thief, will get me banned from DIMs. Maybe so. And if so, so be it.


----------



## KHayes666 (Jun 7, 2012)

The Fez said:


> what I did is probably worse than all of the above. I'm well aware of that and what I want to do now is make sure she gets her money back, get some therapy and move on with my life.
> 
> Although I guess I'm supposed to be this really evil person so, sure, you can think that if you want, I won't blame you, and ultimately it doesn't effect either me or any of you. I just never intend to do this sort of thing again, and to get there I need a fresh start anyway.
> 
> I'll stay in touch with the few friends that are willing to, and go from there. I'd also like to apologise to anybody that knew me and thought better of me.



You act like you're a victim when you are the lying snake in the grass that stole from people. You don't need therapy, you need a jail sentence. If you didn't need 500 pounds for drugs then *ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ASK FOR IT!*. What was so important you had to steal 500 pounds instead of ask for it?


Also:


I myself once loaned 3,300 dollars to a woman I met through the community who promised to pay me back before I found out she made a living doing that kind of thing and had been in an out of mental institutions. Do I blame the woman responsible that organized the venue I met this crazy lady at, NO! So why do we blame Conrad for what happened to the OP on the other thread? If you're mad that he "swept it under the rug" as had been said, that's a different story.

The bottom line is this scumbag is doing exactly what I thought he would do, trying to be the sympathetic anti-hero that goes "yeah i screwed up, aww shucks, now i need to better my life and move on". Damn thieves....no soul or conscience at all.



Marlayna said:


> You suck!



You forgot this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9m6-FnbU2Q


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## Lovelyone (Jun 7, 2012)

No, I did not misunderstand your post. You supported certain ideas like waiting for some sort of paperwork to testify that he absolutely WAS guilty of a crime before deciding whether or not he should be banned. Why wait? He admitted what he has done--no paperwork is needed.

In your first post you said,
"Bad behavior is one thing - criminal offences another.
Differentiate between them and treat them accordingly."

Those are YOUR words, not mine. I responded to these words. 
They suggest that you think that what he did was just "bad behavior". Going on to tell us to differentiate between the two just insinuates further that you believe that it was bad behavior and that you are right and everyone else is wrong. However, it was far more than just bad behavior. IT WAS A CRIME. (and in my opinion it was also a sort of stalking behavior).

I understand where you are coming from now that you've explained yourself further, but no matter how you look at the matter--what he did was a crime. Even if he has said that he will, "pay them back" he did NOT have permission to withdraw money from someone else's account in the first place. I can't speak for anyone else...but I can say that it creeps me out to know that this forum is being used in such a manner. I've always thought of myself as a cautious person but now that one bad apple and his "bad behavior" is going to make me super cautious--and make it harder for the TRULY HONEST men here to be trusted. Think what you like but he took a little bit from all of us with his "bad behavior"...you included. 



fritzi said:


> You completely misunderstood my post!
> The perpetrator in question committed theft which is a crime!
> 
> My point is that I can understand the necessity to substantiate charges on behalf of board administrators before taking any action within the community.
> ...


----------



## fritzi (Jun 8, 2012)

Lovelyone said:


> No, I did not misunderstand your post. You supported certain ideas like waiting for some sort of paperwork to testify that he absolutely WAS guilty of a crime before deciding whether or not he should be banned. Why wait? He admitted what he has done--no paperwork is needed.
> 
> In your first post you said,
> "Bad behavior is one thing - criminal offences another.
> ...



I give up! It seems you do not want to understand what I wrote!

Just to set the record straight:
The 'bad behavior' I wrote about does *NOT* refer to the case in question at all!

But was used to give a name to what goes on in some *OTHER* inner personal conflicts carried out on these boards where it's difficult to determine exactly what happenend and what is right and wrong.

Theft is a crime, is a crime, is a crime .... and thus action should also be taken on the boards....


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## russianrobot (Jun 8, 2012)

The Fez said:


> what I did is probably worse than all of the above. I'm well aware of that and what I want to do now is make sure she gets her money back, get some therapy and move on with my life.



Screw therapy, just man up pay her back don't screw anyone else over. If you go to therapy for a matter like this you will end up broke and end up stealing from someone else.


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## Marlayna (Jun 8, 2012)

russianrobot said:


> Screw therapy, just man up pay her back don't screw anyone else over. If you go to therapy for a matter like this you will end up broke and end up stealing from someone else.


I sure hope he goes to *JAIL* for this! Then, when he gets out, he can get a *JOB* like everyone else, and not have to prey on innocent women.


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## joswitch (Jun 8, 2012)

Marlayna said:


> I sure hope he goes to *JAIL* for this! Then, when he gets out, he can get a *JOB* like everyone else, and not have to prey on innocent women.



It's verrry unlikely he'll do any jail time at all for this under uk system. Most likely community service.


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 8, 2012)

If the purpose of this thread was to inform female posters/potential victims of this man, that has been more than accomplished. He has been outed and admitted his crime. I don't see where a lynch mob or stone throwing is going to accomplish anything. All UK fat women now know who to stay away from. Hurling childish insults or opining over his punishment isn't our place and wasn't the ostensible point of the thread.


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## Marlayna (Jun 8, 2012)

joswitch said:


> It's verrry unlikely he'll do any jail time at all for this under uk system. Most likely community service.


It might depend on how many _other_ times he's pulled this kind of fast one. I didn't see an apology in his posts, so maybe it's not the first time.


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## Marlayna (Jun 8, 2012)

LoveBHMS said:


> If the purpose of this thread was to inform female posters/potential victims of this man, that has been more than accomplished. He has been outed and admitted his crime. I don't see where a lynch mob or stone throwing is going to accomplish anything. All UK fat women now know who to stay away from. Hurling childish insults or opining over his punishment isn't our place and wasn't the ostensible point of the thread.


The victim in all this made up a song about him and put it in her comedy act, along with wearing a tee shirt with his picture on it, complete with devil ears.
No noose or stoning, just good clean humiliation!


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## JerseyGirl07093 (Jun 8, 2012)

Marlayna said:


> The victim in all this made up a song about him and put it in her comedy act, along with wearing a tee shirt with his picture on it, complete with devil ears.
> No noose or stoning, just good clean humiliation!



And thanks to that I have been singing the chorus to that song all day. It's very catchy! :bow:


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## Marlayna (Jun 8, 2012)

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> And thanks to that I have been singing the chorus to that song all day. It's very catchy! :bow:


It is a catchy tune, and she's a very attractive lady. Too bad she was taken advantage of, but it's still a valuable lesson, and I think many woman would be too embarrassed by the details of this robbery to air them publicly. I applaud her honesty and openness.


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## FA Punk (Jun 9, 2012)

Ok can someone please bring me up to speed as what in the hell is going on? I didn't see this ''other'' thread.


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## Yakatori (Jun 9, 2012)

A certain in-DUH-vidual...made acquaintance with another, through Dims. Said person stole 500 quid. Was caught. And, now, many other Dimmers feel this person should be formally removed from the board and are asking Conrad to do so.


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## mango (Jun 9, 2012)

FA Punk said:


> Ok can someone please bring me up to speed as what in the hell is going on? I didn't see this ''other'' thread.



http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=94537


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## Webmaster (Jun 9, 2012)

Substantia Jones said:


> ...I was once the victim of a crime at the hands of a member of this forum, and at the time you said you were unable to give me the information that would assist me....



Out of courtesy I am not going to use your real name, though you used mine in a thread title.

The allegation that I did not help you in a board-related incident (someone had allegedly posted using your account) on November 13, 2007 is untrue. I instantly responded via email, sent you a complete list of everything you had requested, and your response on November 14, 2007 was, "Many thanks for your prompt response and assistance."


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## FA Punk (Jun 9, 2012)

Yakatori said:


> A certain in-DUH-vidual...made acquaintance with another, through Dims. Said person stole 500 quid. Was caught. And, now, many other Dimmers feel this person should be formally removed from the board and are asking Conrad to do so.



Ok, then why hasn't this person been put in jail yet?


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## Deven (Jun 9, 2012)

FA Punk said:


> Ok, then why hasn't this person been put in jail yet?



What Joswitch said might answer your question:



joswitch said:


> It's verrry unlikely he'll do any jail time at all for this under uk system. Most likely community service.



And, it's not like he didn't confess:



The Fez said:


> (I'm quitting of my own accord so no need to get the banhammer out, I know Conrad isn't a fan)
> 
> What I did was awful yes, but just to be clear, I don't go around the forum as a 'predator' luring women into this. She's the only person I've stolen from (not excusing how bad it is), and I'll be paying her back asap. I didn't meet up with her with the intent of stealing from her, it's an awful decision I made that I'm going to regret for a very long time.
> 
> ...


----------



## Yakatori (Jun 9, 2012)

joswitch said:


> "_...the *limp-wristedness* of Brit justice..._"





DevenDoom said:


> "_What Joswitch said might answer your question.._"


But didn't Jos also refer to the UK as some sort of jack-booted police-state? Can a police-state be both jack-booted and limp-wristed at the same time? A limp-wristed nanny is easy to imagine,; but, well, I guess...View attachment JackBoots.jpg


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## WallacePhotography (Jun 9, 2012)

I am sure this will make me sound like a jack ass to some of you, but am I the only one who is questioning how the crook in question keeps getting access to the bank accounts of the women he is ripping off? Did he like white wash a check or something? Likewise why are you posting here vs talking to your local bank rep and law enforcement officers? 

I find I have to ask this kind of a question because things aren't adding up here. Hell it like saying 1 + 1 = 36. See the post that started this whole thing bring up the fact that this guy helped himself to £500 of the posters money. Which makes me ask one final question. Why hasn't the poster report him to the cops and her bank vs posting a note online? 

Which I can only see two honest logical reasons for posting a note vs going to the cops. A.) This is a BS story created by a woman who was used as a one night stand with a guy, and now wants payback. B.) The guy a con and used his verbal skills to talk her into handing over £500. Shocked and shamed by the fact she just another mark who had a con ran on her she takes to the web to lash out.

Keep in mind I still view this guy as a jerk. Yet I also agree that the site should not be used this way. So I agree with the admin here.


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## Diana_Prince245 (Jun 9, 2012)

WallacePhotography said:


> I am sure this will make me sound like a jack ass to some of you, but am I the only one who is questioning how the crook in question keeps getting access to the bank accounts of the women he is ripping off? Did he like white wash a check or something? Likewise why are you posting here vs talking to your local bank rep and law enforcement officers?
> 
> I find I have to ask this kind of a question because things aren't adding up here. Hell it like saying 1 + 1 = 36. See the post that started this whole thing bring up the fact that this guy helped himself to £500 of the posters money. Which makes me ask one final question. Why hasn't the poster report him to the cops and her bank vs posting a note online?
> 
> ...



If you'd read the original thead, you'd know that he memorized her pin by watching her when she put it in to pay for drinks and that the police had been contacted. If you'd read this thread, you'd know that he admitted to the whole thing. I guess it's way more fun to just blame the victim though.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jun 9, 2012)

The Fez said:


> What I did was awful yes, but just to be clear, I don't go around the forum as a 'predator' luring women into this. She's the only person I've *stolen* from (not excusing how bad it is), and I'll be paying her back asap. I didn't meet up with her with the intent of *stealing* from her, it's an awful decision I made that I'm going to regret for a very long time.





WallacePhotography said:


> Which I can only see two honest logical reasons for posting a note vs going to the cops. A.) This is a BS story created by a woman who was used as a one night stand with a guy, and now wants payback. B.) The guy a con and used his verbal skills to talk her into handing over £500. Shocked and shamed by the fact she just another mark who had a con ran on her she takes to the web to lash out.



She wrote a note about it here to warn other women about him and tell her story. What she does legally is another matter entirely, but that is the part she felt the rest of the board needed to know and I completely agree with her.


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## WallacePhotography (Jun 9, 2012)

Diana_Prince245 said:


> If you'd read the original thead, you'd know that he memorized her pin by watching her when she put it in to pay for drinks and that the police had been contacted. If you'd read this thread, you'd know that he admitted to the whole thing. I guess it's way more fun to just blame the victim though.



Yes I will say the "victim" shares part of the blame here. Likewise I am getting fed up of living in a world of "victims". Okay so the woman got taken in by this jack ass of a con man. Which yeah that sucks, but here the sad sick fact. Life is jam full of moments where people will try to take advantage of you.

With that being the case I would say get the word out about this guy was pointless, because there are likely 1000 more men and women just like him. As in ass holes who make ends meet by taking advantage of others. The trick is to not making yourself a "victim" by being a little street smart. 

See far too many of you share way too much information about yourself on sites like this and facebook. which only ends up making you a target for guys like this. Hell any hacker that had any real skill could use a number of social engineering techniques and the trusting nature of a site like this to get the answers he or she needs to assume the identity of anyone of you. Or they could just run a con job on one of you and most of you will by it. 

With that said I will leave you all with two tips. If meeting someone met online off line for the first time bring a buddy with you. Likewise pay for your drink in cash. I say that because the staff at some establishments may be the ones ripping you off by use a hacked card reader to get access to your cards data. Which hotels, bars, privately own gas stations, and resorts have been a hot bed for this kind of crime in the past few years.


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## Marlayna (Jun 9, 2012)

WallacePhotography said:


> Yes I will say the "victim" shares part of the blame here. Likewise I am getting fed up of living in a world of "victims". Okay so the woman got taken in by this jack ass of a con man. Which yeah that sucks, but here the sad sick fact. Life is jam full of moments where people will try to take advantage of you.
> 
> With that being the case I would say get the word out about this guy was pointless, because there are likely 1000 more men and women just like him. As in ass holes who make ends meet by taking advantage of others. The trick is to not making yourself a "victim" by being a little street smart.
> 
> ...


I believe in paying cash as well, and I never post my name or picture. What I think you're missing here, is the emotional toll it takes on a person when they're scammed, because your post is a little harsh. This girl was trusting and made mistakes. Luckily he was only a low-life scumbag thief, and not a murderer. It's better to wait to hook-up with someone you know for a while and have dated a bit. Not being a prude, just not being too trusting.
(Since we're on the topic of safety, I just have to say that people give too much information about their young children.)


----------



## willowmoon (Jun 9, 2012)

WallacePhotography said:


> Yes I will say the "victim" shares part of the blame here. Likewise I am getting fed up of living in a world of "victims". Okay so the woman got taken in by this jack ass of a con man. Which yeah that sucks, but here the sad sick fact. Life is jam full of moments where people will try to take advantage of you.
> 
> With that being the case I would say get the word out about this guy was pointless, because there are likely 1000 more men and women just like him. As in ass holes who make ends meet by taking advantage of others. The trick is to not making yourself a "victim" by being a little street smart.
> 
> ...



How in the world was it pointless that she got the word out about this guy? It's not as if he was going to fess up to the crime himself until he got called out on his shit. Better that she did what she did and allowing Dims members to be aware of his criminal actions, regardless of how naïve you think the victim was. Personally I don't think she was naïve at all, but she was clearly taken advantage of which was unfortunate. 

Some people don't like to carry a wad of cash on them for fear of being robbed that way ... and it's a lot harder to recover actual cash (i.e. dollar bills) that has been stolen, as opposed to calling a credit card company to let them know right away so that future transactions don't occur until the matter gets resolved. There's pluses & minuses to each type of monetary transaction as well as personal safety for carrying said monetary format.


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## Deven (Jun 9, 2012)

WallacePhotography said:


> I am sure this will make me sound like a jack ass to some of you, but am I the only one who is questioning how the crook in question keeps getting access to the bank accounts of the women he is ripping off? Did he like white wash a check or something? Likewise why are you posting here vs talking to your local bank rep and law enforcement officers?
> 
> I find I have to ask this kind of a question because things aren't adding up here. Hell it like saying 1 + 1 = 36. See the post that started this whole thing bring up the fact that this guy helped himself to £500 of the posters money. Which makes me ask one final question. Why hasn't the poster report him to the cops and her bank vs posting a note online?
> 
> ...



You have two posts... are you sure you aren't just here to defend him?


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## KHayes666 (Jun 9, 2012)

DevenDoom said:


> You have two posts... are you sure you aren't just here to defend him?



Probably a friend of his.


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## Diana_Prince245 (Jun 9, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> Probably a friend of his.



Wouldn't surprise me any.


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## KHayes666 (Jun 9, 2012)

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Wouldn't surprise me any.



Joined 2 years ago according to the profile information.


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## Diana_Prince245 (Jun 9, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> Joined 2 years ago according to the profile information.



And this thread is what got him to post for the first time? Alarm bells are sounding.


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## Yakatori (Jun 9, 2012)

WallacePhotography said:


> "_this will make me sound like a jack ass...the site should not be used this way... the "victim" shares part of the blame...pointless, because...1000 more...just like him...taking advantage of others...See...any hacker that had any real skill could...just run a con job on one of you and *most of you will by it.*_"


Here you go, buddy.



Surlysomething said:


> "_This isn't a dating site._"


Definitely not. Sort of reminds me of this.



MadLordOfMilk said:


> "_What else do you want?_"


I remember, once, this discussion on feminism where a professor of mine used some sort of quote. I forget, exactly, to whom or if it was attributed. Something like: The generation after every/each (social?) revolution inherits all of it's problems and none of it's passion.

So, to answer your question more directly, I think you have to first decide that this is not really about anyone's physical safety. Or money. Or whatever minute and trivial legalities may arise, real or imagined. There is something else at work here, something more deeply embedded, perhaps even a critical failure of sorts. I mean, if you just look to how passionately some of us are divided over this, that should be your first clue to that it's worth both talking & thinking about.


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## MrSensible (Jun 9, 2012)

WallacePhotography said:


> Yes I will say the "victim" shares part of the blame here. Likewise I am getting fed up of living in a world of "victims". Okay so the woman got taken in by this jack ass of a con man. Which yeah that sucks, but here the sad sick fact. Life is jam full of moments where people will try to take advantage of you.
> 
> With that being the case I would say get the word out about this guy was pointless, because there are likely 1000 more men and women just like him. As in ass holes who make ends meet by taking advantage of others. The trick is to not making yourself a "victim" by being a little street smart.
> 
> ...



I suppose I'd be fed up with living in the dark, lonely, exaggerated world you described myself, but in my experience, the good ones typically outweigh the social miscreants, at least around here. Notice how there aren't tons of other threads floating around Dims with near identical circumstances? Despite what your seemingly paranoid sensibilities might be telling you, this kind of situation doesn't seem to happen very often to (or by) members of this site. I'm not saying there aren't many predators out there, but you'd assume that if it happened frequently around here, we'd have many other "warning" posts like this one popping up, day in and day out.

Regardless of how often it actually happens, I fail to see how ousting a known thief (one of which even confessed to his crime) is "pointless" by any means. His picture has been made available, the area that the altercation took place is known, as well as other important details about him - some of which would even make it more difficult for him to start a second account and get away with it again without being discovered eventually. The fact that there are many other would-be predators in this giant world we live in is irrelevant. If someone can take the initiative to inform other members of a situation like this, and help make Dims *itself* a safer place to socialize, it's certainly, by no means, "pointless". 

What Scrumptious_voluptuous (and subsequently Substantia Jones with this post) did is a fine example of what a community is all about, and I commend them both for bringing an asshole like this to light. If that kind of "brotherly love" concept makes no sense to you, then that's a true shame. The world can be a dark, grim place yes, but there's a difference between taking caution and being careful, versus letting your life be controlled by fear and paranoia of things that may or may not happen.


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## WallacePhotography (Jun 9, 2012)

Never met the guy in question. Nor would I care to. More so because I hate dealing with most Europeans or Brits due to the political views they hold. . View that are destroying the fabric of America so we end up just another socialist shit hole where everyone wants the powers that be to save them from themselves.

Yet more then anything I hate deal with weak people. As in I just can't stand anyone who allows themselves to slip into the role of the weak helpless "victim". Yeah I been a member of this site for two years, but I have also been sitting here quietly taking in all the self-loathing or self-serving BS most of you push. Hell over the past two years I have come to realize that what wrong with the BBW / plus-size community is the BBW / plus-size community. You want everyone to both support and praise you for living a lifestyle that will only lead to health issues and death. Yet at the same time say that it the rest of the word that has issues because your slowly using food to kill yourself like a crackhead uses crack. 

Which is why I found it a tad funny that a lot of you saw fit to start attacking the guy who is running your little pity party. Likewise I still would say the guy that ripped this woman off is a shit bag. Yet I'll also say fuck you to whomever think her post did jack. I mean do you really think this is the only sack of shit running two bit scams like this? 

Hell for that matter if the poster was some Kevin Smith looking guy from NJ who got robbed by a woman he hooked up with due to being a member of this website would you all act the same? I think not. For they be far less"Oh you poor thing" and more of you guys mocking him for letting his dick rule his life. Yet why the double stranded? 

I mean would it be really that wrong to say that maybe just maybe this woman is somewhat at fault for using sex as an escape? Which it her lose morals that put her in this spot. After all if she wasn't blinded by lust she would of seen this jack ass for the shit bag he was and thought higher of herself then to go to bed with someone like that. 

So let me close by saying to hell with most of you for attacking Conrad for trying to keep this site on topic.


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## tonynyc (Jun 9, 2012)

KHayes666 said:


> Probably a friend of his.



*Or... alter ego ... holy Batshit....*







*WallacePhotography=The Fez?????*


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## russianrobot (Jun 9, 2012)

WallacePhotography said:


> Which I can only see two honest logical reasons for posting a note vs going to the cops. A.) This is a BS story created by a woman who was used as a one night stand with a guy, and now wants payback. B.) The guy a con and used his verbal skills to talk her into handing over £500. Shocked and shamed by the fact she just another mark who had a con ran on her she takes to the web to lash out.
> 
> Keep in mind I still view this guy as a jerk. Yet I also agree that the site should not be used this way. So I agree with the admin here.



Hahahahahahahah your funny......

You can't write a paragraph like this;

_"Which I can only see two honest logical reasons for posting a note vs going to the cops. A.) This is a BS story created by a woman who was used as a one night stand with a guy, and now wants payback. B.) The guy a con and used his verbal skills to talk her into handing over £500. Shocked and shamed by the fact she just another mark who had a con ran on her she takes to the web to lash out"

_

And then follow it up with this paragraph;

_"Keep in mind I still view this guy as a jerk. Yet I also agree that the site should not be used this way. So I agree with the admin here"_

its like peanut butter & tuna, it doesn't work.



p.s. I don't think you like women very much, I think they anger you


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## Saoirse (Jun 9, 2012)

well this blows. fez is a babe (sorry dude, im a broke ass bitch)


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## mango (Jun 9, 2012)

WallacePhotography said:


> I am sure this will make me sound like a jack ass to some of you, but am I the only one who is questioning how the crook in question keeps getting access to the bank accounts of the women he is ripping off? Did he like white wash a check or something? Likewise why are you posting here vs talking to your local bank rep and law enforcement officers?
> 
> I find I have to ask this kind of a question because things aren't adding up here. Hell it like saying 1 + 1 = 36. See the post that started this whole thing bring up the fact that this guy helped himself to £500 of the posters money. Which makes me ask one final question. Why hasn't the poster report him to the cops and her bank vs posting a note online?
> 
> ...





WallacePhotography said:


> Yes I will say the "victim" shares part of the blame here. Likewise I am getting fed up of living in a world of "victims". Okay so the woman got taken in by this jack ass of a con man. Which yeah that sucks, but here the sad sick fact. Life is jam full of moments where people will try to take advantage of you.
> 
> With that being the case I would say get the word out about this guy was pointless, because there are likely 1000 more men and women just like him. As in ass holes who make ends meet by taking advantage of others. The trick is to not making yourself a "victim" by being a little street smart.
> 
> ...



*Firstly - welcome to Dims! 

I see you first joined the site over 2 years ago but have only made 2 posts to date - both of them in this thread today. So I'm glad this issue brought you out of lurkerdom.


Your first post makes several glaring assumptions that are either ill-informed (you didn't bother to read both the locked thread posted by the victim that started this whole thing off or all of this one) or are commenting from a position of personal bias (?).

The answers as to how the perpetrator pulled off his little schiester-heist have been answered in reply by others. Your assumptions on the whole thing being BS and money being handed over in the form of cash (or a cash loan) are completely off-base.

The perpetrator (who has confessed both here and on FB) is in the process of being reported to the police and he claims to be in the process of paying the money back... 


The reason the victim posted the initial thread here (and this may come as some sort of shock to you) was to warn others here about his actions.

You claim the victim shares some of the blame. How exactly do you support this assertion? Sprouting off that "Life is jam full of moments where people will try to take advantage of you" does not support your argument.

The fact that you claim that "there are likely 1000 more men and women just like him" is a superfluous point. There's a known member here doing this and people have a right to know who he is and what he did. As I stated in this thread previously, there are now other victims coming forward claiming The Fez owes them money (and he has confirmed this).

Yes. A little street smarts may have helped. But Tom Watson (The Fez) had weaseled his way into a position of trust and then sneakily viewed and memorized the victim's pin number on her cash card when she was buying him a drink. He then made several visits to the ATM using her card. The first was during the pub meeting. The second was the morning after. He pinched the victim's card from her purse/bag on both occasions. At least one of the unauthorized withdrawals have been recorded on CCTV.

Your rantings on the "what you perceive to be lax" security of this site and other social media is a meaningless point. 

And spare us your two tips. The victim was within her rights to use her card. It eliminates the need for carrying cash. Mentioning dodgy bar staff is again, another meaningless point as it didn't happen on this occasion.

I look forward to reading more of your posts here so we can all learn just who you really are.

*


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## FA Punk (Jun 9, 2012)

Well after reading this entire thread I do agree with the OP but I don't see how this guy won't get any jail time, he admited to doing it for god's sakes! Anyway if doesn't get jail time mybe he'll get run over by a bus instead.


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## Prince Dyscord (Jun 9, 2012)

I don't see how this isn't a board issue. In fact, what WOULD define a board issue? This board has a lot of sections and various topics are discussed. People talk about crime and weight gain/loss and how attractive some members are, but talking about someone getting victimized on this board by another board member isn't a board matter?


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## The Fez (Jun 10, 2012)

not that it makes a difference to how bad this all is, but on the day we were getting drinks, she gave me her card and pin and sent me to the cash point, and I took way more than I should have.

Also Wallace the victim doesn't share any of the blame in this case, jesus christ.


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## Shosh (Jun 10, 2012)

The Fez said:


> not that it makes a difference to how bad this all is, but on the day we were getting drinks, she gave me her card and pin and sent me to the cash point, and I took way more than I should have.
> 
> Also Wallace the victim doesn't share any of the blame in this case, jesus christ.



Theft is theft. 

And you do not need therapy. Pay back the money.

It irks me how more and more people these days try to dismiss criminal behaviour by feigning psycological issues.


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 10, 2012)

For fucks sake.

Criminal outed. Criminal admitted crime. He didn't make any excuses when he mentioned therapy he merely said he's going to address whatever issues he has that led him to do what he did. None of know what those are; if he was desperate for money he may have a drug or gambling problem he needs to address. It's not really any of our business.

The only thing that could possibly make this a board issue is letting single fat women know that Fez stole money from a woman he went out with. Everyone now knows this.

Beyond that there's no point to this thread.


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## Big_Belly_Lover (Jun 10, 2012)

The Fez said:


> not that it makes a difference to how bad this all is, but on the day we were getting drinks, she gave me her card and pin and sent me to the cash point, and I took way more than I should have.
> 
> Also Wallace the victim doesn't share any of the blame in this case, jesus christ.



I thought you just memorised her pin and stole her card? If she actually did GIVE you her card and pin to get cash out then that's slightly reckless and irresponsible; like giving a kid keys to a candy store or something like that!

I admit that I have done something similar in the past; was in a taxi with a girl I was going out with and we needed money to pay the fare so we stopped off at a cash point and I get her my details and card but only coz I was pretty drunk and slightly distressed - still not a wise move as she could have taken advantage by taking more money out then running off and leaving me helpless; there needs to be a lot of trust there...


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## Deven (Jun 10, 2012)

The Fez said:


> not that it makes a difference to how bad this all is, but on the day we were getting drinks, she gave me her card and pin and sent me to the cash point, and I took way more than I should have.
> 
> Also Wallace the victim doesn't share any of the blame in this case, jesus christ.



THIS is why you need to be *banned*. You made the "choice" to come back and defend yourself. You aren't going to leave on your own accord, like you said. So, not only are you a thieving POS, you're a lying POS...

And nice attempt to blame the victim... you are a Grade A winner, aren't you?


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## The Fez (Jun 10, 2012)

what

I just said the victim shouldn't take any of the blame

also I pm'd webmaster asking for a ban but I've had no reply. And yeah, if things are being said that aren't true, I'd rather correct them than just leave it all up there.


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## tonynyc (Jun 10, 2012)

The Fez said:


> what
> 
> I just said the victim shouldn't take any of the blame
> 
> also I pm'd webmaster asking for a ban but I've had no reply. And yeah, if things are being said that aren't true, I'd rather correct them than just leave it all up there.



I don't think you would need to ask Conrad ... you could just ....leave ... no fireworks ... no marching bands... just exit


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## Deven (Jun 10, 2012)

The Fez said:


> what
> 
> I just said the victim shouldn't take any of the blame
> 
> also I pm'd webmaster asking for a ban but I've had no reply. And yeah, if things are being said that aren't true, I'd rather correct them than just leave it all up there.



You tried to deflect some of the blame onto her, actually.



The Fez said:


> not that it makes a difference to how bad this all is, but on the day we were getting drinks, she gave me her card and pin and sent me to the cash point, and I took way more than I should have.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 10, 2012)

Prince Dyscord said:


> In fact, what WOULD define a board issue? a board matter?



Twinkies, milkshakes, pictures of women eating them, and being upset at having to buy a second airplane seat...


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## Substantia Jones (Jun 10, 2012)

Webmaster said:


> Out of courtesy I am not going to use your real name, though you used mine in a thread title.
> 
> The allegation that I did not help you in a board-related incident (someone had allegedly posted using your account) on November 13, 2007 is untrue. I instantly responded via email, sent you a complete list of everything you had requested, and your response on November 14, 2007 was, "Many thanks for your prompt response and assistance."



Saying it’s because I used your first name seems disingenuous to me. Unless it's changed since I was a Dimmer, you use your full name throughout this site, no? But if it’ll make you feel better to use my real name, I certainly can’t stop you. Nor will I be scared off by the suggestion.

Regarding your claim, if there was a “complete list of everything _ had requested,” I’ll ask you kindly to send it again, as it was never received. Naturally I thanked your for checking, but you told me you didn’t have access to the perpetrator’s IP and screen names needed by my bank’s fraud department. The email to which you refer said (I’m quoting you, since you did the same), “I can't tell what IP that particular post was made from, but I can tell you what all IP have ever been used by your handle,” to which you added a long list of IPs with a long list of links to any other screen names which may be attached to those IPs, links which were password-protected, appearing to be accessible only to you, or perhaps to mods. Naturally the authorities could do nothing with information they didn’t have access to. We were left to take you at your word that you didn’t have access, either. I was told that was odd, considering the software you use, but I had no reason to doubt you. And I didn’t doubt you. But seeing your response to this current victim’s request to warn other possible victims has caused me to rethink that. And reading your response here creates increased doubt. That makes sense, right?

Conrad, all that’s being asked is that when there’s member-on-member crime—actual crime generating a police report—you allow other members to be properly warned. I can’t think of a reasonable excuse for not allowing it. The safety of your members is at issue._


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## Marlayna (Jun 10, 2012)

LoveBHMS said:


> For fucks sake.
> 
> Criminal outed. Criminal admitted crime. He didn't make any excuses when he mentioned therapy he merely said he's going to address whatever issues he has that led him to do what he did. None of know what those are; if he was desperate for money he may have a drug or gambling problem he needs to address. It's not really any of our business.
> 
> ...


Would you feel the same way if he stole your money behind your back and your rent check bounced? It doesn't sound like he was "desperate" for money at all - it sounds like he saw an opportunity to rob a woman who was nice enough to treat him to a night out.
I doubt that ANY of the women he scammed will ever get re-paid, he's not sorry one bit, in fact, he's freaking arrogant about it.


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## FA Punk (Jun 10, 2012)

I don't see how baning him will help matters when he could just go around and make another profile. I guess it couldn't hurt but still it doesn't seem to be anything more then a temporary fix, he is a thief after all and you what they say *''once a thief always a thief'' *. The thing is can we do anything more then just hit him with the banhamer?


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## tonynyc (Jun 10, 2012)

FA Punk said:


> I don't see how baning him will help matters when he could just go around and make another profile. I guess it couldn't hurt but still it doesn't seem to be anything more then a temporary fix, he is a thief after all and you what they say *''once a thief always a thief'' *. The thing is can we do anything more then just hit him with the banhamer?



*T*he one thing that comes of this is awareness ... you can ban him from the Boards- whether he's banned from BBW functions is another matter- though I'm sure there can be plenty of stories one can share of unsavory folks 'regardless of gender' who needed to be avoided...

A few years ago there use to be a website that would warn folks of con artist and the like...not sure of there is a similair blog now or not...

Now as for "sr. fez:" perhaps he was hoping for the mythic status of the infamous Kelligirl .... no walking the plank here and.... no upcoming conferences either Kelligirl the Conference


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 10, 2012)

tonynyc said:


> *T*he one thing that comes of this is awareness ... you can ban him from the Boards- whether he's banned from BBW functions is another matter- though I'm sure there can be plenty of stories one can share of unsavory folks 'regardless of gender' who needed to be avoided...



It would be pretty difficult to ban him for soemthing he did off the board, though I guess ultimately the webmaster can do whatever he chooses to do. Its human nature for people to want to warn friends and family about unsavory people and that is what happened here. So the warning is out there, now people just have to decide what they are personally going to do with the information.


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## Shosh (Jun 10, 2012)

Marlayna said:


> Would you feel the same way if he stole your money behind your back and your rent check bounced? It doesn't sound like he was "desperate" for money at all - it sounds like he saw an opportunity to rob a woman who was nice enough to treat him to a night out.
> I doubt that ANY of the women he scammed will ever get re-paid, he's not sorry one bit, in fact, he's freaking arrogant about it.



Exactly.

Oh Boo hoo he might have drug or gambling problems. That is his issue if he does. Get counselling on your own dime.

Pay the money back.


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## Blackjack (Jun 10, 2012)

WallacePhotography said:


> Yes I will say the "victim" shares part of the blame here...



I seriously hope that you never serve on the jury for a rape case.


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## FA Punk (Jun 10, 2012)

fatgirlflyin said:


> *It would be pretty difficult to ban him for soemthing he did off the board*, though I guess ultimately the webmaster can do whatever he chooses to do. Its human nature for people to want to warn friends and family about unsavory people and that is what happened here. So the warning is out there, now people just have to decide what they are personally going to do with the information.



Not exactly, he's done this to other members has he not? So that shows he's been useing Dimensions as a way to target his victims and if that doesn't merit a ban what does? But again I really don't see how baning him will help matters.


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## Tracyarts (Jun 10, 2012)

" Not exactly, he's done this to other members has he not? So that shows he's been useing Dimensions as a way to target his victims and if that doesn't merit a ban what does? But again I really don't see how baning him will help matters. "

If he's going to continue on the same path, he'll just find other ways to go about finding his prey. Dimensions was just a convenient venue to get an "in" with women so he could exploit them and victimize them. 

But banning him would send a message that people caught using the site as their happy hunting ground to facilitate criminal acts will not be welcome nor tolerated. 

Tracy


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 10, 2012)

FA Punk said:


> Not exactly, he's done this to other members has he not? So that shows he's been useing Dimensions as a way to target his victims and if that doesn't merit a ban what does? But again I really don't see how baning him will help matters.



Eh, i just feel that banning someone for something done off board makes way for a very slippery slope. Where does it end??

Better that we let the community police itsself in this instance. She said what he did, he gave his side of it. Now the people who are here can take that info and do what they want with it. They can choose to associate with the man or not, and if they choose to then they go into it with eyes wide open.


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## Yakatori (Jun 11, 2012)

Substantia Jones said:


> "_Saying it’s because I used your first name ...you use your full name throughout this site...I certainly can’t stop you. Nor will I be scared off by the suggestion._"


It seems to me like you guys are really talking past each other on this. I honestly don't think you meant to come across the way you did (to him) in, initially, using his name. Which is partly why I, initially, did the same. By the same token, I don't think he quite meant to come across the way he did (to you) in his admonishment. 




Substantia Jones said:


> "_..I can't tell *what IP that particular post was made from*, but I can tell you what all IP have ever been used by your handle,” to which you added a long list of IPs with a long list of links to any other screen names which may be attached to those IPs, links which were password-protected, appearing to be accessible only to you, or perhaps to mods. Naturally *the authorities could do nothing with information they didn’t have access to.* We were left to take you at your word that you didn’t have access, either._"


I'm no expert; but, to me, it sounds like he volunteered plenty-enough information for either you or your "investigators" to logically infer that the post could only have come from a small, limited number of IP's. So, how difficult would it have been to just vet out these IP's one by one? I mean, if they deemed this serious-enough to follow through with, why didn't they pursue warrants and such? Do you supposed if they'd contacted him directly, he'd have responded the same way? I mean, maybe he could've cooperated more....thoroughly? But do you mean that this is totally on him? 



Substantia Jones said:


> "_...*all that’s being asked* is that when there’s member-on-member crime—actual crime *generating a police report*—you allow other members to be properly warned. I can’t think of a reasonable excuse for not allowing it. The safety of your members is at issue._"


But, obviously, it's often not that simple. A "police report" is...just that. Police reports are written in lots of scenarios where no crime was committed. As there are serious crimes involved in some cases where there's no police report. I mean, I understand you're not really suggesting otherwise. But, it's important to point out, here, that the crime is in the act and the intent. There's a myriad of ways through which these things can be demonstrated or -fail- to be demonstrated, of which a "police report" is just one detail, sometimes a minute one at that.

Also, the safety aspect is a red herring. I mean, to that, anyone could just say "don't trust anyone!" or "mistrust everyone equally" right? The real issue goes a bit deeper. Until we are willing to scratch at that....



fatgirlflyin said:


> "_Eh, i just feel that banning someone for something done off board makes way for a very slippery slope. *Where does it end??*_"


Oh nos! A slippery slope....it's so slippery, slippery, we can't tell which end is up! That any is careful-enough to see how slippery it is, would suggest, to me, that he or she is more than capable of navigating it. Likewise, there's no "ultimately" about it. I mean, it's not a democracy. The Webmaster can and will do as he pleases. He can shut the entire board down if he likes. He can, at random, ban members for life or give them silly avatars or whatever. He can do any of this for any reason at all, or without giving any reason. Therefore, the logical conclusion is that whatever he does or fails to do is some reflection of his own personal vision of what the board should be like, his own values. So, you can't really persuade him without appealing to what he values. 



fatgirlflyin said:


> "_Better that we let the community police itsself in this instance. She said what he did, he gave his side of it. Now the people who are here can take that info and do what they want with it. They can choose to associate with the man or not, and if they choose to then they go into it with eyes wide open._"


Ok, fair enough. More of a Liber-TAR-ian p.o.v. But, I would ask, how does this necessarily preclude the banning of a particular member? Is there some sort of inalienable right to be a member of a message board? That would be news to me. I mean as surely as one policy is enacted without explanation, why can't the opposite?

So, just to recap some of the false dichotomies being thrown about up in here:


If you so much as suggest or think about how a victim could've better avoided trouble, it means you're blaming them instead of the perpetrator.
Explicitly saying otherwise, necessarily (both) makes it so. (and not so).
Not explicitly saying otherwise, necessarily (both) makes it so. (and not so).
Not being as careful as you could've been, means you deserve whatever might happen.
If a Webmaster takes a decisive action in one particular instance, suddenly he's somehow responsible for the fate of the world 
And so, so long as this continues with the "talking-past" each other, I really feel this is a fertile ground for what I like to call a "teachable moment."


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 11, 2012)

Yakatori said:


> It seems to me like you guys are really talking past each other on this. I honestly don't think you meant to come across the way you did (to him) in, initially, using his name. Which is partly why I, initially, did the same. By the same token, I don't think he quite meant to come across the way he did (to you) in his admonishment.
> 
> 
> I'm no expert; but, to me, it sounds like he volunteered plenty-enough information for either you or your "investigators" to logically infer that the post could only have come from a small, limited number of IP's. So, how difficult would it have been to just vet out these IP's one by one? I mean, if they deemed this serious-enough to follow through with, why didn't they pursue warrants and such? Do you supposed if they'd contacted him directly, he'd have responded the same way? I mean, maybe he could've cooperated more....thoroughly? But do you mean that this is totally on him?
> ...




I don't think I really follow what you're talking about when you've quoted me but I'm pretty sure I acknowledged that Conrad can do what ever he chooses to do with the board as he sees fit. As far as fez/Tom goes I don't know the man and dont really give a fuck as to whether he stays or goes and I'm pretty sure I didn't suggest that anyone has a right to be a member of this "community".

If people are going to be banned for screwing over other people they met through dims we should probably be prepared to see membership suffer a dramatic loss.


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## MrSensible (Jun 11, 2012)

fatgirlflyin said:


> I don't think I really follow what you're talking about when you've quoted me but I'm pretty sure I acknowledged that Conrad can do what ever he chooses to do with the board as he sees fit. As far as fez/Tom goes I don't know the man and dont really give a fuck as to whether he stays or goes and I'm pretty sure I didn't suggest that anyone has a right to be a member of this "community".
> 
> If people are going to be banned for screwing over other people they met through dims we should probably *be prepared to see membership suffer a dramatic loss.*



Thing is, if the members being banned are known to be thieves and/or con artists, and it's verifiable, what's the "loss" exactly?


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## The Fez (Jun 11, 2012)

FA Punk said:


> Not exactly, he's done this to other members has he not? So that shows he's been useing Dimensions as a way to target his victims and if that doesn't merit a ban what does? But again I really don't see how baning him will help matters.



Ok I know I should be leaving already, but, no, I haven't done this to anybody else. This is another thing that's getting spun out of nowhere.

I've very recently borrowed a very small amount of money from two other people that I didn't even meet through this forum, and am still talking to about paying back (in fact the consensus was to get the theft money sorted before giving back the other bits).

edit: and the two people in question are good friends, and have been good friends for well over a year (about 5 years for one of them) rather than people I've only just met.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 11, 2012)

MrSensible said:


> Thing is, if the members being banned are known to be thieves and/or con artists, and it's verifiable, what's the "loss" exactly?



It wouldn't be a loss.

Here's the thing though, what about people making stuff up just out of spite? I'm not suggesting at all that this has happened in this thread, but people seriously aren't going to be admitting to stuff all the time like what has happened here. So how are the moderators supposed to determine who is telling the truth and who isn't? How are they to know when its not just a case of a spurned lover or a paysite guy thinking his $10 entitles him to something more than occasional updates? That's my worry, that the flying accusations because people think they can get others banned will do irreparable damage. 

Again not my board, not my rules, not my decision but I rarely participate here anymore because of how fragmented this community has become and because of the amount of moderator involvement (too much). Banning someone because of something they did offline is only going to cause more of both.


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## Saoirse (Jun 11, 2012)

seems to me that the shit dont add up. he took her card or she askd him to use it?


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## mango (Jun 11, 2012)

Saoirse said:


> seems to me that the shit dont add up. he took her card or she askd him to use it?




*According to the victim, he took her card (unauthorized) twice over 2 days to an ATM without her permission after seeing her enter her pincode when buying a round of drinks. The first time he said he was going to get cigarettes. The second time was while she was in the shower.


*


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## Ample Pie (Jun 11, 2012)

It's also important to note that he confirmed he'd done what she said before he changed his story 2/3 through this thread to her asking him to use her card, etc etc.


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## Deven (Jun 11, 2012)

Ample Pie said:


> It's also important to note that he confirmed he'd done what she said before he changed his story 2/3 through this thread to her asking him to use her card, etc etc.



Well, don't you know, he's being "villanized" here.


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## MrSensible (Jun 11, 2012)

fatgirlflyin said:


> It wouldn't be a loss.
> 
> Here's the thing though, what about people making stuff up just out of spite? I'm not suggesting at all that this has happened in this thread, but people seriously aren't going to be admitting to stuff all the time like what has happened here. So how are the moderators supposed to determine who is telling the truth and who isn't? How are they to know when its not just a case of a spurned lover or a paysite guy thinking his $10 entitles him to something more than occasional updates? That's my worry, that the flying accusations because people think they can get others banned will do irreparable damage.
> 
> Again not my board, not my rules, not my decision but I rarely participate here anymore because of how fragmented this community has become and because of the amount of moderator involvement (too much). Banning someone because of something they did offline is only going to cause more of both.



I understand that concern, which is why I mentioned it would need to be verifiable, such as in this case. Obviously it wouldn't be wise or logical to automatically believe every story/accusation from a user with a post count of 2 for instance, or a join date of a day beforehand, but if there's enough valid evidence to prove it (through testimonials of trustworthy members, an outright confession, etc) then I don't see it getting out of hand. It just needs to be handled rationally.

In any case, like I said earlier, it doesn't seem like this kind of behavior is all that common around Dims anyway (unless people just don't talk about it when it happens to them), so hopefully there won't be much of a need for threads like this very often.

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on the last note. I personally don't feel that ousting and/or banning a proven thief is cause for the community to become more fragmented. If anything, the opposite seems true. This thread (and the one before it) is a pretty good indicator that quite a few of the active members on this board are more than willing to defend someone who's clearly been wronged. That seems like an admirable communal response to me.


----------



## thatgirl08 (Jun 11, 2012)

That song was seriously hilarious. Perfect.


----------



## Yakatori (Jun 11, 2012)

The Fez said:


> "_not that it makes a difference to how bad this all is, but on the day we were getting drinks, *she gave me her card and pin and sent me to the cash point*, and I took way more than I should have..._"


Well, you're right that it makes no difference to many of us; but not least of which in that the context of your explanation, that you're only saying this now (much after the fact) makes it sort of...incredible? I mean, isn't that like the difference between joy-riding and grand theft auto, perhaps of some legal significance of which you are all too keenly aware, but which only serves underscore an overwhelming incentive for you to lie?



fatgirlflyin said:


> "_I don't think I really follow what you're talking about when you've quoted me but I'm pretty sure I acknowledged.._"


You did. But it was also important to point out, there, that, in as much as you agree that the Webmaster can do anything, then there's really no reason he can't or shouldn't do this particular thing. Right?



fatgirlflyin said:


> "_...*what about people making stuff up just out of spite?*...people seriously aren't going to be admitting to stuff all the time like what has happened here. *So how are the moderators supposed to determine who is telling the truth and who isn't?* How are they to know when its not just a case of a spurned lover or a paysite guy thinking his $10 entitles him to something more than occasional updates?_"


And what about it? I mean, what is even the point of designating any person a "moderator," if they lack just even basic powers of discernment? Moreover, if someone is acting purely of of spite (smoke, but no fire....), in as much as it's apparent to you, why would it be any less apparent to any of a number of other people on the board? 



fatgirlflyin said:


> "_*That's my worry, that the flying accusations because people think they can get others banned will do irreparable damage. *...not my board, not my rules, not my decision but I rarely participate here anymore because of *how fragmented this community has become* and because of *the amount of moderator involvement (too much).* Banning someone because of something they did offline is only going to cause more of both._"


Really? Is that really what you're most worried about? Because, I'm hardly worried about that at all. I don't even give that a thought. I mean, if someone's inclined to level baseless accusations, if they are that type of person, the best come uppence would be for them to have to further substantiate their claim and, ultimately, be exposed for being....incredible. Right?

Moreover, I don't feel that any particular action on the part of any of the moderators or the Web Master really and truly has the power to fragment the community as much as what those actions, in sum total, signify. If there's a consistent set of values being articulated, that will tend to bind those who choose to share in those values. In contrast, if the values that all or many of us share in are somehow undermined, as much through inaction as any particular one action, that might help to fragment the community.



fatgirlflyin said:


> "_As far as fez/Tom goes I don't know the man and dont really..._"


Then, you should realize that it's not really about him.



fatgirlflyin said:


> "_If people are going to be banned *for screwing over* other people they met through dims..._"


Moreover, that it is not really about this, even. Nor is it about police reports, per se. Or allocution. Or crime, per se. Folks are certainly talking about it in those contexts, because they're so readily accessible. Quantifiable. But I think to really understand this situation is to, first, just see that a line has been crossed. A line that's not, so much, defined or limited in or by those particular criteria. A line that's basically invisible, at least to some of us, at least for now; that is, outside of just imagining it. But, also, that this line is no less real for the rest of us, who see it plainly as day.

Long-winded Question: Imagine if two guys, of approximately comparable size and age, got into an argument at one of the bashes. Or two girls. And that it escalated into the type of situation that required the involvement of the police. And that there was an actual police report (hooga booga-booga!)! And that charges were filed (either against one party or both.) And that one party or both either plead guilty or was convicted. And that someone "started it." And that someone "finished it." Or that, clearly, both parties were "wrong."

In any of those cases, it's easy to see how S.O.'s or platonic friends of either party might take sides, calling for the ban of the other. Or that there would be at least some folks who wanted both "banned". From future bashes. From other bashes, halfway across the country. From this board, etc... 

Or, then again, maybe not. Maybe there wouldn't be any kind of response like that. I mean, I'm just conceding that I can at least imagine-it. But, do you suppose, in any of those scenarios, could we or should we expect to see the type of response we see here, in this and the other thread, about this current and very real situation as we're discussing it? Would any of those types of (hypothetical) scenarios guarantee to resonate in quite the same way as this (real) one does for at least a significant portion of this community?

If you can honestly and with a straight face answer "yes" to those questions; then, suffice it to say that, the line I'm talking about is really, basically, invisible for you. And that's not a knock on you, it's just matter of what you can or can't see. On the other hand, if you say "No," then why is that? I mean, in these hypothetical scenarios, not only are talking about actual crime, per se; but, more significantly, personal safety. So, why don't those types of threats (and our leadership's inaction in response) have the same power to shake the foundations on which this is all built?



russianrobot said:


> "_hmmmm......._"


Maybe you're saying it even better than I could.


----------



## fatgirlflyin (Jun 11, 2012)

Yakatori said:


> Well, you're right that it makes no difference to many of us; but not least of which in that the context of your explanation, that you're only saying this now (much after the fact) makes it sort of...incredible? I mean, isn't that like the difference between joy-riding and grand theft auto, perhaps of some legal significance of which you are all too keenly aware, but which only serves underscore an overwhelming incentive for you to lie?
> 
> You did. But it was also important to point out, there, that, in as much as you agree that the Webmaster can do anything, then there's really no reason he can't or shouldn't do this particular thing. Right?
> 
> ...



Ok, you win. Your opinion is right, and my opinion, since you don't really even seem to be reading what I'm saying, is wrong. 

Quite honestly, the only thing that I feel should get people banned from this online web board is fat hate. Everything else, as far as I'm concerned, should be allowed to stay and peoples words can speak for them. That's my opinion, you don't have to like it, but there it is.


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## Deven (Jun 11, 2012)

fatgirlflyin said:


> Ok, you win. Your opinion is right, and my opinion, since you don't really even seem to be reading what I'm saying, is wrong.
> 
> *Quite honestly, the only thing that I feel should get people banned from this online web board is fat hate. Everything else, as far as I'm concerned, should be allowed to stay and peoples words can speak for them. That's my opinion, you don't have to like it, but there it is*.



I hope they do that if someone does something illegal to you from the forum... and I hope this is quoted multiple times.

Edit: This happened on Breaking Benjamin's website. They banned the chick, and they had just as many members as Dims... just sayin'.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 11, 2012)

DevenDoom said:


> I hope they do that if someone does something illegal to you from the forum... and I hope this is quoted multiple times.



Why do you hope it gets quoted multiple times? Because having a differing opinion makes me the bad guy? I'm secure in my beliefs and in who I am, so if people think poorly of me for having an opinion that seems to differ from so many here, I think I can live with that. 

I think the guy is a dick, and I feel awful that the OP was taken advantage of, but I think everyone here knows just how effective banning someone on a web board actually is. All they have to do is create a new username with a different IP address and presto, new guy in the community who gets a fresh start.


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## mango (Jun 11, 2012)

fatgirlflyin said:


> Quite honestly, the only thing that I feel should get people banned from this online web board is fat hate. Everything else, as far as I'm concerned, should be allowed to stay and peoples words can speak for them. That's my opinion, you don't have to like it, but there it is.



*How is stealing money from a fat girl while taking advantage of her NOT fat hate?


BTW I'm not one calling for him to be banned. Just outed & named publicly and free discussion to follow (no locked threads as what originally happened here).


*


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 11, 2012)

mango said:


> *How is stealing money from a fat girl while taking advantage of her NOT fat hate?
> 
> 
> BTW I'm not one calling for him to be banned. Just outed & named publicly and free discussion to follow (no locked threads as what originally happened here).
> ...



Would it be thin hate if he did it to a skinny girl? He's an ass and he made a dick move, but I dont think it had anything specific to do with her being fat. 

I'm all for outing and naming him publicy, forewarned is forarmed and all that.


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## russianrobot (Jun 12, 2012)

mango said:


> *How is stealing money from a fat girl while taking advantage of her NOT fat hate?
> 
> 
> BTW I'm not one calling for him to be banned. Just outed & named publicly and free discussion to follow (no locked threads as what originally happened here).
> ...





fatgirlflyin said:


> Would it be thin hate if he did it to a skinny girl? He's an ass and he made a dick move, but I dont think it had anything specific to do with her being fat.
> 
> I'm all for outing and naming him publicy, forewarned is forarmed and all that.



She kinda has a point here


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## moore2me (Jun 12, 2012)

This obviously controversial thread has some underlying problems that are causing strife in our community.

1. When a crime is committed that crosses state lines and country lines the laws are almost nil. The laws that do exist are extremely complicated. Also when crimes happen involving the internet, the laws are also slim and vary widly from country to country. Just trying to conduct a legitimate business around the world takes a legal mastermind.

2. What some men are missing in this crime is that women tend to look at this more of a violation of our person. When we trust a man enough to take him in as a friend and closer friend, we are putting our heart and our softer side in a position of trust. When the same guy rips our emotional trust to shreds, it hurts our soul - no just our pocketbook. It is like he is walking all over our emotions and pissing on our world. Losing money is bad enough, losing "face" or being taken for a "sucker" by someone we thought we could trust, hurts even more.


3. What to do with the culprit? Ultimately, this does not rest with me - thankfully. However, here's some suggestions I like . . . .

- Use the "Star Chamber" technique. Have a group of women judge him, sentence him, and maybe even carry out the group's ruling, or
- Use the "Scarlet Letter" approach. Brand the guy with his crime and make him wear it as punishment.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 12, 2012)

For the record, stealing from me and simply hurting my pocketbook is enough...my heart doesn't need to be involved in any way and if you use Dims to do that...well, it's a board matter.


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## Forgotten_Futures (Jun 12, 2012)

Ample Pie said:


> There are threads all over this forum where people do just that; this is a silly reason to give for closing a thread down. Silly and obvious.



For the record, the system keeps track of where you quote from. And that 'quote' of Conrad redirects to a thread about the discussion of video games.

Your credibility goes down when you start putting words in peoples' mouths.

Just saying.


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## MrSensible (Jun 12, 2012)

Forgotten_Futures said:


> For the record, the system keeps track of where you quote from. And that 'quote' of Conrad redirects to a thread about the discussion of video games.
> 
> Your credibility goes down when you start putting words in peoples' mouths.
> 
> Just saying.



It's the last post in this thread. She quoted it properly, word for word.

Maybe not jump to conclusions next time. "Just saying."


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## Deven (Jun 12, 2012)

MrSensible said:


> It's the last post in this thread. She quoted it properly, word for word.
> 
> Maybe not jump to conclusions next time. "Just saying."



Someone rep him for me.


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## russianrobot (Jun 12, 2012)

Forgotten_Futures said:


> For the record, the system keeps track of where you quote from. And that 'quote' of Conrad redirects to a thread about the discussion of video games.
> 
> Your credibility goes down when you start putting words in peoples' mouths.
> 
> Just saying.




*
***TILT*** loss of quarter* 

View attachment elton_john_captain_fantastic_pinball_machine.jpg


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## CleverBomb (Jun 12, 2012)

MrSensible said:


> It's the last post in this thread. She quoted it properly, word for word.
> 
> Maybe not jump to conclusions next time. "Just saying."


Specifically: correct quote, bad link.
The link in _MrSensible_'s post is the one intended.

Testing your links from within the preview page can help with this sort of thing.

-Rusty


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## James (Jun 12, 2012)

Miranda! I'm so sorry to read this... how übercrap! (great song though...)

I haven't read all the responses so apologies if I'm repeating something someone else has already but it seems to me that Fez didn't use the board to carry out the crime so I don't think that the board and mods have neither a reason nor a responsibility to act against Fez. Sure, it is a matter for discussion but bottom line is that, in terms of taking any 'official' action, I think it is only a police matter (and a serious one at that !). 

The situation seems quite different from what Substantia appeared to be talking about which was the board being used as a tool for a crime. Clearly a quite different situation where there is an onus on the board and the mods to take an appropriate action.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 12, 2012)

Forgotten_Futures said:


> For the record, the system keeps track of where you quote from. And that 'quote' of Conrad redirects to a thread about the discussion of video games.
> 
> Your credibility goes down when you start putting words in peoples' mouths.
> 
> Just saying.



Yeah, I quoted him properly and have no fucking idea why it jumps to that thread...

When you make assumptions and don't look into them, your credibility goes way down.

Also, bite me.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 12, 2012)

I did pull out only part of it and maybe I screwed something up, but I didn't lie. I *don't *lie. I didn't misquote him. 

View attachment Image1.jpg


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## Smushygirl (Jun 12, 2012)

Hey, she got more than most women here, a penis in the vagina instead of the fat rolls. She should look at it like she paid him to go away.


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## tonynyc (Jun 12, 2012)

Smushygirl said:


> Hey, she got more than most women here, a penis in the vagina instead of the fat rolls. She should look at it like she paid him to go away.



might have saved herself a boatload of trouble in the long run... now as far as lovely BBW here not getting their fair share....


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## Tina (Jun 12, 2012)

The more I read of this murky mess the more I believe that Conrad made the right decision. Both parties seem pretty darned culpable to me, and how does he know exactly what the truth is? How does anyone but the two involved parties?


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## Shosh (Jun 12, 2012)

Tina said:


> The more I read of this murky mess the more I believe that Conrad made the right decision. Both parties seem pretty darned culpable to me, and how does he know exactly what the truth is? How does anyone but the two involved parties?



For there to be a suggestion that Conrad could be responsible for a possible violent crime between two board members as proposed in the OP's original post is ridiculous.
As I asked previously, is he responsible for the behaviour and actions of approaching 60,000 members of this board? No.

I believe this matter should be allowed to be discussed here, the man is a thief and he must pay the money he stole back, but as far as putting the onus on Conrad and Dimensions, no. We are all adults.


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## Lovelyone (Jun 12, 2012)

Substantia Jones said:


> Dear Conrad:
> snipped...
> 
> I’m baffled and vexed by this seemingly irresponsible decision, and urge you to rethink it. I imagine your goal is to protect the reputation of Dimensions, but please understand that this action puts a fairly huge dent in that very reputation. It also puts the women of your board in danger and sets a wildly reckless precedent. Do you want to be responsible for future crimes between forum members? Perhaps violent crimes? That may sound outrageous, but I see it as the logical progression of what you’ve put in motion.
> ...






Shosh said:


> For there to be a suggestion that Conrad could be responsible for a possible violent crime between two board members as proposed in the OP's original post is ridiculous.
> As I asked previously, is he responsible for the behaviour and actions of approaching 60,000 members of this board? No.
> 
> I believe this matter should be allowed to be discussed here, the man is a thief and he must pay the money he stole back, but as far as putting the onus on Conrad and Dimensions, no. We are all adults.



For the record, in the original posting the OP didn't suggest that he could be responsible for a crime between two board members. She posed it as a question and ASKED if he would want to be responsible for FUTURE crimes that could happen.

Either way it's kinda creepy that it happened and that this person seems to have used the forums to find his victims.


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## tonynyc (Jun 12, 2012)

Lovelyone said:


> For the record, the original posting didn't suggest that he could be responsible for a crime between two board members. She posed it as a question and ASKED if he would want to be responsible for FUTURE crimes that could happen..



We would need a Crystal Ball or Tom Cruise to answer that .... however, given the track record 'anything' is possible -but, with awareness maybe future BBW won't put themselves in this predictament...


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## Shosh (Jun 12, 2012)

Lovelyone said:


> For the record, in the original posting the OP didn't suggest that he could be responsible for a crime between two board members. She posed it as a question and ASKED if he would want to be responsible for FUTURE crimes that could happen.
> 
> Either way it's kinda creepy that it happened and that this person seems to have used the forums to find his victims.



Either way, it is most unfair for that question to be even asked. Either way Conrad is not responsible.
People are responsible for their own actions. We are all adults.

People use the internet at their own risk. 

Having said that I find this man's actions reprehensible.


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## irish_redhead (Jun 13, 2012)

The guy is a sleeze. Did he deserve to be outed? Damn right. Is there anything that Dims can do about this situation, or to prevent this from happening in the future? Not likely. Is it a board issue? Yes and No. There shouldn't be any reason not to discuss it on the board, but at the same time I can see why the board is not going to take any action against a member for IRL activities. 

All the victim blaming in the world doesn't change what happened. The crime has been admitted, so the only argument now is whether he is a thief or a THIEF. Everything else is just splitting hairs. 

Meanwhile, some three-post troll (or sockpuppet) comes up with shit like this:



WallacePhotography said:


> Hell over the past two years I have come to realize that what wrong with the BBW / plus-size community is the BBW / plus-size community. You want everyone to both support and praise you for living a lifestyle that will only lead to health issues and death. Yet at the same time say that it the rest of the word that has issues because your slowly using food to kill yourself like a crackhead uses crack.



and isn't banned from the board. 


:doh:


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## Shosh (Jun 13, 2012)

irish_redhead said:


> The guy is a sleeze. Did he deserve to be outed? Damn right. Is there anything that Dims can do about this situation, or to prevent this from happening in the future? Not likely. Is it a board issue? Yes and No. There shouldn't be any reason not to discuss it on the board, but at the same time I can see why the board is not going to take any action against a member for IRL activities.
> 
> All the victim blaming in the world doesn't change what happened. The crime has been admitted, so the only argument now is whether he is a thief or a THIEF. Everything else is just splitting hairs.
> 
> ...



Very good point. What a horrible thing to write. One wonders why that person is even a member of this board.


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## Forgotten_Futures (Jun 13, 2012)

MrSensible said:


> It's the last post in this thread. She quoted it properly, word for word.
> 
> Maybe not jump to conclusions next time. "Just saying."



I was not aware of that thread, and I was not calling anyone out or disagreeing with the point of this one. It *is* a valid point. I *was* pointing out that the quote points to a post that does not mention its content, and that this is generally considered bad for various reasons. Probably should have just kept my mouth shut, which I will now do.


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## Forgotten_Futures (Jun 13, 2012)

I take that back. I'm going to make one other comment. Relevant, this time.

Both Conrad and the OP are right, each in their own way.

Conrad is right in that dealing with the theft and any potential recouping of monies is a police matter.

The OP is right in that alerting other Dimensions members that there is a two-faced sleaze in their midst is very much a board issue, if only to try and ostracize the offender and prevent it from happening to other board members in the future.


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## MrSensible (Jun 14, 2012)

Forgotten_Futures said:


> I take that back. I'm going to make one other comment. Relevant, this time.
> 
> Both Conrad and the OP are right, each in their own way.
> 
> ...



I can agree with that, but I don't think anyone really implied (at least not that I noticed) that Conrad has any kind of legal obligation to take action against "The Fez", or that he needs to involve himself with the police personally, over this matter. I think most of us were just upset that he closed the last thread, after labeling it as, "not a board issue", which is clearly untrue. If someone uses the board to prey on other members, then it's definitely a board issue, and the victim should have the right (and even be encouraged) to talk about it freely, as long as it's founded. The more people are made aware of cases like this, the less opportunity people like him have to take advantage again.

Now that I've thought about it a bit more, I actually have mixed feelings on banning. On one hand, it would seem like an appropriate gesture and would show other would-be predators that they risk their entire account and reputation when trying to con someone, which might persuade them to reconsider. On the other, allowing them to keep using the account they are known for (as scammers) would undoubtedly make it more difficult for them to con other victims, as their post history would be up for grabs to anyone interested. Then again, I guess most proven thieves/con artists probably wouldn't continue to post on their infamous accounts anyway, so that point might be a tad moot.

In any case, I'm glad Conrad decided to leave this thread alone. Spreading awareness about situations like this is a great thing, if it helps prevent even just one or two other people from suffering through it themselves.


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## russianrobot (Jun 14, 2012)

Smushygirl said:


> Hey, she got more than most women here, a penis in the vagina instead of the fat rolls. She should look at it like she paid him to go away.



Bow to this woman's comic genius......:bow:


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## Forgotten_Futures (Jun 14, 2012)

MrSensible said:


> I can agree with that, but I don't think anyone really implied (at least not that I noticed) that Conrad has any kind of legal obligation to take action against "The Fez", or that he needs to involve himself with the police personally, over this matter. I think most of us were just upset that he closed the last thread, after labeling it as, "not a board issue", which is clearly untrue. If someone uses the board to prey on other members, then it's definitely a board issue, and the victim should have the right (and even be encouraged) to talk about it freely, as long as it's founded. The more people are made aware of cases like this, the less opportunity people like him have to take advantage again.
> 
> Now that I've thought about it a bit more, I actually have mixed feelings on banning. On one hand, it would seem like an appropriate gesture and would show other would-be predators that they risk their entire account and reputation when trying to con someone, which might persuade them to reconsider. On the other, allowing them to keep using the account they are known for (as scammers) would undoubtedly make it more difficult for them to con other victims, as their post history would be up for grabs to anyone interested. Then again, I guess most proven thieves/con artists probably wouldn't continue to post on their infamous accounts anyway, so that point might be a tad moot.
> 
> In any case, I'm glad Conrad decided to leave this thread alone. Spreading awareness about situations like this is a great thing, if it helps prevent even just one or two other people from suffering through it themselves.



Nope, Conrad definitely doesn't have any legal requirements in this regard except if LE requests IP info on The Fez as part of any investigation they do. And even then, I'm not sure, because there's international legality crap involved there (I know it would be a given in the USA).

And I thought about the banning thing, too. Anyone worth their salt knows how to disguise their IP, so banning or not banning really has no effect on a dedicated thief.


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## joswitch (Jun 14, 2012)

Smushygirl said:


> Hey, she got more than most women here, a penis in the vagina instead of the fat rolls. *snip*


Oh no she didn't... You didn't watch the video of her song did you? You should, it's funny.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 15, 2012)

irish_redhead said:


> The guy is a sleeze. Did he deserve to be outed? Damn right. Is there anything that Dims can do about this situation, or to prevent this from happening in the future? Not likely. Is it a board issue? Yes and No. There shouldn't be any reason not to discuss it on the board, but at the same time I can see why the board is not going to take any action against a member for IRL activities.
> 
> All the victim blaming in the world doesn't change what happened. The crime has been admitted, so the only argument now is whether he is a thief or a THIEF. Everything else is just splitting hairs.
> 
> ...


exactly. 100%

It isn't a matter for the forum to fix but it is a matter for the forum members to discuss. 

This forum can't even regulate itself on stuff it's clearly designed to handle, expecting it to do so with theft would be delusional. However, saying that members fucked over by other members don't/shouldn't have a place to discuss it here is also delusional.


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## Wild Zero (Jun 15, 2012)

One thing I really enjoyed about several forums I used to be a member of, automotive and record collecting/tape trading, were the stickied rip-off alert threads.

If you shipped another forum member a cracked header and refused to replace it or accepted a payment but never shipped a tape or record your info was added to the list of offending posters with links to the listings and any complaint threads that arose from your fraud.

Egregious cases or repeat offenders resulted in a permaban with the users' Paypal, ebay and shipping info posted to prevent them from sockpuppeting their way around the ban.

Otherwise the user was free to continue using the forums, temporarily banned from the marketplace subforums and allowed to eventually rebuild their reputation.


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## CleverBomb (Jun 16, 2012)

Ample Pie said:


> It isn't a matter for the forum to fix but it is a matter for the forum members to discuss.


This. 

Can't rep, but this.

-Rusty


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## vardon_grip (Jun 16, 2012)

Wild Zero said:


> One thing I really enjoyed about several forums I used to be a member of, automotive and record collecting/tape trading, were the stickied rip-off alert threads.
> 
> If you shipped another forum member a cracked header and refused to replace it or accepted a payment but never shipped a tape or record your info was added to the list of offending posters with links to the listings and any complaint threads that arose from your fraud.
> 
> ...



I like this idea. 

I believe that such action was attempted with the Goddess Patty situation on the paysite board. It looked like the poster that made the report was wrongly made the bad guy. It seemed like a blind eye was turned to the complaint


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## Shosh (Jun 16, 2012)

vardon_grip said:


> I like this idea.
> 
> I believe that such action was attempted with the Goddess Patty situation on the paysite board. It looked like the poster that made the report was wrongly made the bad guy. It seemed like a blind eye was turned to the complaint



How do you know a " Blind eye" was turned to that complaint?

How do you know what occurs behind the scenes here in terms of complaints and moderation etc?

Just because such information is not put in the public arena here, it does not mean it is not investigated and considered.

In terms of the Goddess Patty complaint, the business transaction happened between Goddess Patty and the customer/member of her paysite.
Various attempts would have been made to resolve the complaint between those two parties, as it should be.

Just because Conrad hosts the paysite board on this forum he is not responsible for the individual business transactions of such paysites and the problems/complaints that can arise between paysite models and their members/customers.

For goodness sake, do some people want Conrad held responsible for absolutely everything? Do you need him to hold your hand?

This is an adult site that you access of your own free will.

Discussion of incidents namely the incident that occured where the young woman was ripped off by another memeber should be allowed to be discussed here, but the individual behaviour and actions of members are just that, their individual behaviour and actions, and they must held to account for that, not the webmaster of this site.


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## vardon_grip (Jun 16, 2012)

Shosh said:


> How do you know a " Blind eye" was turned to that complaint?
> 
> How do you know what occurs behind the scenes here in terms of complaints and moderation etc?
> 
> ...



You are correct in saying that we have no idea what happens behind the scenes. There could a lot of customer service or there could be a lot of lip service. More transparency would be needed to determine which was which.

I say that it seemed that a blind eye was turned because in that particular thread the moderator said that it wasn't a board matter and wouldn't get involved with business matters. 
(Similar to this topic.)
The paysite model admitted in several emails that after NINE MONTHS she didn't send the complainants DVD's that were paid for. 
(It's called theft. Same as this topic. There is screen cap proof)
The complainant was banned and the paysite model continues to post.
(Possibly inconclusive, but still weird timing)

I look at the top of this webpage and see a banner for Amazon.com. If a Dims members clicked on the link, placed an order and found that their money was taken and nothing was sent; or if a vendor in the Dimensions Marketplace took an order for some costume jewelry, got paid through Paypal and never sent/refused to send the item...I feel Dimensions has a responsibility to protect its members and it should take the Amazon.com banner down or in the case of the vendor; suspend selling privileges and warn everyone that there have been complaints of fraud. More information is better than less.

Yes, Dimensions is not legally responsible for crimes committed by members against members. Whether it is a paysite model, admitted thief or a vendor in the Dimensions marketplace; if evidence is provided that fraud or some other crime has been committed THROUGH THE USE OF/OR RELATED TO THE USE OF THIS SITE, the offenders should be removed or in the case of vendors, not allowed to sell/advertise anything through this site and the members should be warned. 

The point of the matter:
Dimension may not be able to stop crimes, but it shouldn't give thieves the venue to commit their crimes.
It's called: protecting your community.


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## NancyGirl74 (Jun 16, 2012)

Shosh said:


> For goodness sake, do some people want Conrad held responsible for absolutely everything? Do you need him to hold your hand?
> 
> This is an adult site that you access of your own free will.



I agree for the most part. However, I think what is being asked here is not that Conrad take responsibility for every individual and their actions. I think what people want (and forgive me if I'm incorrect in assuming this) is for the leader of this community to _help_ in protection of its members. Conrad has chosen to be the leader of this site. He took on the task willingly. Perhaps he didn't know all that would come of it or how big and important this community would become but even so he is it's leader and it is a leader's job to lead. Part of that job is allowing the members of their community to protect themselves from those who would knowingly do them harm. Does this mean Conrad has to police every post and poster, get involved in every detail and aspect of every member's personal lives? No. That is impossible and ridiculous. We are grown ups, after all, and accountable for ourselves. However, being a leader does mean that if something affects the entire community he should be open to discussion about what is best for the whole. Someone scabbing unwitting members affects the whole as far as I am concerned. Turning away with an "it is not my responsibility" attitude does a huge disservice to all that has built here.


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## Shosh (Jun 16, 2012)

vardon_grip said:


> You are correct in saying that we have no idea what happens behind the scenes. There could a lot of customer service or there could be a lot of lip service. More transparency would be needed to determine which was which.
> 
> I say that it seemed that a blind eye was turned because in that particular thread the moderator said that it wasn't a board matter and wouldn't get involved with business matters.
> (Similar to this topic.)
> ...



Once again, we are all adults, and we choose to access this site. We are under no obligation to do so.

People have to be responsible for their own decisions when it comes to accessing the internet and it's content.

People have to be responsible for their own actions and behaviour.
That is the problem within society these days, everything has to be passed off as somebody else's fault or responsibility.


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## vardon_grip (Jun 16, 2012)

Shosh said:


> Once again, we are all adults, and we choose to access this site. We are under no obligation to do so.
> 
> People have to be responsible for their own decisions when it comes to accessing the internet and it's content.
> 
> ...



Dimensions is not responsible for/to its members or the safety of its members. Every man for themselves. Let the buyer beware.
Those words don't describe a COMMUNITY.

IF we are not a community...IF that is the case, then let's just be honest and say so. Give people all the information so they can make informed decisions. A bunch of members use that "community" to describe Dimensions. It seems that it is not true, at least by your description. We are not a community that shares responsibility to each other. We do not protect each other. 

Are we just a bunch of strangers that just happen to be in the same place because of fat?


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## Shosh (Jun 17, 2012)

vardon_grip said:


> Dimensions is not responsible for/to its members or the safety of its members. Every man for themselves. Let the buyer beware.
> Those words don't describe a COMMUNITY.
> 
> IF we are not a community...IF that is the case, then let's just be honest and say so. Give people all the information so they can make informed decisions. A bunch of members use that "community" to describe Dimensions. It seems that it is not true, at least by your description. We are not a community that shares responsibility to each other. We do not protect each other.
> ...



This is a web board, and a community of likeminded people , BBW's/SSBBW's and the men that admire them.
That however does not extend to the webmaster or this site being responsible for the behaviour and actions of individuals who choose to use this site.
I am not sure what part of that you are not getting.

People are legally responsible for their own actions.

Caveat emptor!


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## russianrobot (Jun 18, 2012)

tell you what lets kill this thread, old fashion black plague style 

View attachment scan0001.jpg


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## vardon_grip (Jun 18, 2012)

russianrobot said:


> tell you what lets kill this thread, old fashion black plague style



I don't think this should be killed. Thread killing was the reason this one was started. Having a better understanding of a place and its people is always a good thing. Eyes open is way better than eyes shut; even if it hurts to keep your eyes open.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 18, 2012)

Shosh said:


> That however does not extend to the webmaster or this site being responsible for the behaviour and actions of individuals who choose to use this site.
> 
> People are legally responsible for their own actions.
> 
> Caveat emptor!


 
I fully agree with this. Take some accountabilty and move on with your life, people.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 18, 2012)

Because discussing what happened is not a way of "moving on with your life."

Right.


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## Marlayna (Jun 18, 2012)

russianrobot said:


> tell you what lets kill this thread, old fashion black plague style


Haha, yes everyone has had their say, and we've given this idiot Fez more placetime than he deserves. 
This wasn't his first scam, but I hope it'll be his last.
It's wrong to steal, don't do it!


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## KHayes666 (Jun 18, 2012)

Marlayna said:


> Haha, yes everyone has had their say, and we've given this idiot Fez more placetime than he deserves.
> This wasn't his first scam, *but I hope it'll be his last.*
> It's wrong to steal, don't do it!



It won't be. With guys like that there will always be more victims. 5-10 years from now when his contemporaries have moved on he will most likely seek out a new crowd that's never heard of him...and it begins again.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 18, 2012)

Ample Pie said:


> Because discussing what happened is not a way of "moving on with your life."
> 
> Right.


 

I would prefer if you just moved on with yours. Haha.


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