# Ah an embarrassing problem...



## ZainTheInsane (Sep 16, 2007)

Well, I'm sure it is for males anyway...

I'm having a problem that I don't know the cause of...namely, I'm unable to maintain my erection while with my girlfriend in the bedroom. Now this isn't because I orgasm or anything of the pleasurable sort...I just can't seem to keep it up. In addition, we religiously use a condom...however I find it hard to get sensation through it...

At first I thought my lack of erection was because I was tired or worried about something...but its happened two nights now...and it is bugging me (which likely doesn't help the situation). I'm inclined to suspect it is a physical malfunction of my body...but I've been able to keep it up before and I've had plenty of fun with her. So, my query is...

What could be causing my problem? And what are some possible solutions?

Note: I am open to any an all questions concerning this...I honestly want to use the doctor as a last resort, because I don't want to pay to find out I'm just stressed out or something.


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## AnnMarie (Sep 16, 2007)

I'd guess stress/distraction is the culprit, being that you're a young/healthy guy. 

Not to be overly personal, but see if you're able to maintain one when you're not with her to see if it's a solo/partnered issue or maybe really a physical cause. Our minds can play terrible tricks on us, so it could be a combination of things, but if it keeps up then I'd definitely seek some medical help - merely because at your age, this shouldn't be an "ongoing" problem.


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Sep 16, 2007)

A lot of different things can keep your little soldier from staying at attention - stress, anxiety, or chronic pain, to name a few. If you're healthy other than this little problem, I'd suggest seeing a urologist.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 16, 2007)

Maybe it is the condom. Try a thinner one or one made for extrasensitive feelings. Or try the femake condon. Go to your local Planned parenthood and talk to someone about birth control options.


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## PamelaLois (Sep 19, 2007)

Now, this may sound absurd, but I am totally serious. You need to rule out whether your problem is physical or mental. One of things to check is whether you are getting erections in your sleep. Now, don't laugh, and I am not joking. Take some of those old fashioned roll stamps, not the adhesive kind, but the kind you have to lick. Place them around your wee soldier before you go to sleep. If they are torn when you get up, you know you had an erection at night. Then the problem is most likely something mental like stress. If the stamps are intact, then you need to see the doctor.


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## Aliena (Sep 19, 2007)

Please don't take this the wrong way, because I'm speaking from experience, but are you taking any psychotropic drugs? (lithium, tegretol, topomax, zoloft, effixor--to name a few)

These drugs can cause E.D.. There are many drugs (other than psychiatric ones) that can cause E.D. and should be on any insert that came with your medication. 

Also, did you know smoking pot can cause E.D.? (as well as other recreational drugs)

Here is a list of medications that may cause E.D.. 

You may read more about it here.


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## ZainTheInsane (Sep 19, 2007)

Okay, after trying some of the advice laid down on this thread I have discovered the following things...

-Physically there is nothing wrong with me, I wake up with an erection on occasion, I can get an erection while masturbating without fail, and though I didn't try the stamp test, I think I'd pass that too.

-I am not on any medication, and I have only smoked pot once in my life (it burned my lungs pretty badly, I was coughing for a few hours, and I'll never try it again.) So, I don't think that's the problem.

-I've tried to see if it is my attraction to her...but ummm...describing my girlfriend tends to wake up the little guy, and seeing her nude does the same thing. So, that's not it.


I have discovered that I have a hard time maintaining an erection when laying down. I do not have the same problem when slouched, sitting, or standing...

Might this be a blood flow problem? My blood pressure is good for my age, and I exercise regularly. 

Or could it be just stress concerning my worries about performing well in the sack and satisfying her?


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## Aliena (Sep 19, 2007)

My best advice to you would be for you to go ahead and make an appointment with your Dr. It's better to be safe than sorry. You're pretty young, so I would be concerned too if I were you. 
It probably is something you don't need to worry about, but again, better safe than sorry. 

Good luck--
Dee


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 19, 2007)

I suspect that it's psychological in nature. I think that a lot of men go through a cycle performance anxiety issues, and inability to sustain (or achieve) an erection even once is distressing & sometimes the anxiety that it will happen again leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy sorta thing.

I'd recommend that you just spend a few days cuddling with your girlfriend, with no expectation of sex at all (make that a prerequisite upfront ... that it just ain't happening). If you are still having this problem after a few weeks, you should probably make an appointment with your doctor so you can rule out a physical cause.


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## persimmon (Sep 19, 2007)

And if there's really no discernable physical cause....

well then, sir, it may be time to try a cockring. The ones with snaps are recommended for newbies.


p


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## Aurora (Sep 19, 2007)

I showed this thread to my boyfriend because he had the exact same problem when we started going together, but he didn't post.  I guess I'll have to.

When we'd get close he'd get an erection but when we'd come to the point where we wanted to do something with said erection it would go away. I felt bad because I thought it was some how my fault (the whole attraction thing and all that) but I tried to be supportive and encouraging too. He talked to doctors and whatnot about it and it all really came down to a psychological thing.

What we ended up doing was, since his mom is a psychiatrist, is have him take a viagra pill. It kept him up long enough to do what we wanted to do, though he still didn't climax. 

It's been a long process (long distance relationship doesn't help things) but as he got more comfortable with me and knew I loved him for exactly who he was I think he relaxed and let his mind take a back seat to pleasure. That's really what his problem was - he'd start thinking about all kinds of things (maybe things that could go wrong, or worried about not being able to keep it up - just made things worse, etc.). Once he learned to throw out that kind of self talk things just flowed. 

I hope that helps some, at least in that you're not alone.


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## Waxwing (Sep 19, 2007)

Zain, I'm voting for it being the condom. No matter how you look at it, sex filtered through latex is just not the same, and sensations are reduced.

*No I am not advocating unsafe sex.*

But with the disclaimer out of the way, yeah. I think it's the condom. Do you have the same issue during oral sex?


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## TearInYourHand (Sep 20, 2007)

ZainTheInsane said:


> Okay, after trying some of the advice laid down on this thread I have discovered the following things...
> 
> -Physically there is nothing wrong with me, I wake up with an erection on occasion, I can get an erection while masturbating without fail, and though I didn't try the stamp test, I think I'd pass that too.
> 
> ...



I'd vote for that one.

eta: Or the condom, like Waxy said. They can decrease sensation for a lot of guys. I'd say try a thinner one, or, if you guys are monogamous, use another form of birth control, get tested, and go for it!


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## SocialbFly (Sep 21, 2007)

I would suggest trying different condoms like someone else said (Sandie?)...i used several different types until i came up with one i reallly like...it is by crown and it is called skinless skin..i like the thinness, it is durable and it seems (to me at least) to transmit heat better...

try to take the goal of sex off the plate, make it fun, make it everything but penis in vagina sex, and see if that takes some of the performance anxiety out of it....see how that goes...

just a thought...


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## lemmink (Sep 24, 2007)

My partner is shithouse at keeping it up when the condom goes on. We've had to learn to wait until he's totally gonna BLOW before putting it on and then going for it.


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 24, 2007)

lemmink said:


> My partner is shithouse at keeping it up when the condom goes on. We've had to learn to wait until he's totally gonna BLOW before putting it on and then going for it.



Not a good thing, if you are able to get pregnant (and don't want to). Women can get pregnant from pre-ejaculate emissions, which nearly all men have prior to orgasm.


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## ZainTheInsane (Sep 24, 2007)

Aurora said:


> I showed this thread to my boyfriend because he had the exact same problem when we started going together, but he didn't post.  I guess I'll have to.
> 
> When we'd get close he'd get an erection but when we'd come to the point where we wanted to do something with said erection it would go away. I felt bad because I thought it was some how my fault (the whole attraction thing and all that) but I tried to be supportive and encouraging too. He talked to doctors and whatnot about it and it all really came down to a psychological thing.
> 
> ...



This is actually incredibly relieving...I've been getting better about it, and have progressed some since I wrote this post...but it still takes effort, and sometimes it is a bit awkward. I'd agree with the thinking too much...and not to down play sex...but it isn't an activity which takes a ton of mental power...

And since it doesn't require my mind, it tends to wander...and like I said, it isn't that I can't get an erection, or maintain one...it is that I have trouble when having intercourse. I guess it is just an anxiety thing.


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## ZainTheInsane (Sep 24, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> Zain, I'm voting for it being the condom. No matter how you look at it, sex filtered through latex is just not the same, and sensations are reduced.
> 
> *No I am not advocating unsafe sex.*
> 
> But with the disclaimer out of the way, yeah. I think it's the condom. Do you have the same issue during oral sex?



We've tried different condoms...even the super-sensitive ones dull sensation.
She even suggested that we go to a planned parenthood clinic and get checked out and then go at it without. Given my history however...I don't think I'd be willing to take that risk...because I've gotten someone pregnant before...and I don't want to do that to her.

As for oral sex...she has jaw issues...she can't chew gum, eat bagels or steak either. I'd be pissed about it...but I honestly don't care for blowjobs...weird huh?


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## liz (di-va) (Sep 24, 2007)

Every time I've been aware of this situation (personally, talking to friends) the issue is usually less physiological and more about integrating someone else into the whole orgasm process. So fixing it has been about (as Soc said) taking the pressure to have an orgasm out of the situation, focusing on pleasure, incorporating more masturbation into the sex together, talking about fantasies, etc. It often really works.

The condom thing...that's a hassle, but I bet you can get it worked out.

Another trick - put a tiny drop of lube *inside* the condom before you roll it on; helps transmit sensation.


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## indy500tchr (Sep 24, 2007)

PamelaLois said:


> Take some of those old fashioned roll stamps, not the adhesive kind, but the kind you have to lick. Place them around your wee soldier before you go to sleep. If they are torn when you get up, you know you had an erection at night..


Somebody watches a little too much Sex in the City  I totally remember that episode!


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## RevolOggerp (Sep 24, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Not a good thing, if you are able to get pregnant (and don't want to). Women can get pregnant from pre-ejaculate emissions, which nearly all men have prior to orgasm.


That's right. A lot of female students at my college had that problem. One guy actually got 5 different women pregnant because he thought the withdrawal method was effective. However, he never took into consideration that there was also sperm in pre-cum. No matter how many times people tell him, he keeps doing it. Rumor has it that he got a 6th girl pregnant.

Also, I had over 20 female friends who got pregnant within a 3-year time span simply because they thought they would be fine with unprotected sex.


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## GWARrior (Sep 24, 2007)

My ex never had pre-cum. never. and we checked. haha

but we still used BC. :bow:


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