# Just kinda curious...



## MisticalMisty (Dec 23, 2005)

How many people are actually single? I've been single for about 4 years. I absolutely hate it when someone asks me why I'm single. I just want to smack them. I don't know why I'm single. If I did, maybe I wouldn't be single!

Can I say single one more time? LOL


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## T'Rina / MsXXL (Dec 23, 2005)

MisticalMisty said:


> How many people are actually single? I've been single for about 4 years. I absolutely hate it when someone asks me why I'm single. I just want to smack them. I don't know why I'm single. If I did, maybe I wouldn't be single!
> 
> Can I say single one more time? LOL



I totally agree, why ask me WHY I am single, damned if I know.
What am I suppose to do give a list of my failings or go on a tear about men, cause other then "DAMNED IF I KNOW" those seem to be my only options. If I knew exactly why I have not been able to find the right person for me then I would also be able to FIND them I guess but no such luck.


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## Jack Skellington (Dec 23, 2005)

I'm single because I'm boo scary!


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## Jon Blaze (Dec 23, 2005)

Every once in a while I get that question... blehhh... I don't have the best luck with the opposite sex, and sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it....


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## Santaclear (Dec 23, 2005)

If one single person asks me a single more time why I'm single I'm going to deal him/her a single blow to the noggin. (Actually I'm single because I bite.)


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## Emma (Dec 23, 2005)

Single and happy, don't want no scummy men.. though if a lovely bbw asked me out I may decide to become gay lol


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## Jane (Dec 23, 2005)

Last time a man asked me that was about five years ago. I told him:

1) Mr. Right has not come along,
2) The right person hasn't asked, or
3) I've seen your marriage....

Take your pick.

He probably understood EXACTLY why I'm single after that remark.


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## Carrie (Dec 23, 2005)

I'm _swingle_, baby.


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## FEast (Dec 23, 2005)

MisticalMisty said:


> How many people are actually single? I've been single for about 4 years. I absolutely hate it when someone asks me why I'm single. I just want to smack them. I don't know why I'm single. If I did, maybe I wouldn't be single!
> 
> Can I say single one more time? LOL


This could actually be a backhanded compliment. They may be curious as to why someone as pretty as you is still single. 

One would think that, in this day and age, our values would be somewhat different than they were when I was coming up, when a woman's main goal after high school was supposed to be to snag a husband. I suppose our innate urge to mate causes us to instinctively wonder why someone remains single.

Some might also want to know 'cause they're wondering why they, themselves, still are. A snappy comeback in that instance might be to say, "Good question. Why are _you_?"  ~Bountifully, Fuchsia


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## Donna (Dec 23, 2005)

*When I was single, I got that question a great deal from very well meaning friends and relatives who were "attached". I agree with Fuschia's assessment that it's an innate human urge to pair off so therefore someone who choses to not do so is viewed as a curiosity of sorts. I find that being married, I naturally try to play matchmaker to anyone I know who is single. I caught myself doing it to a single male chat buddy a couple weeks ago and he had to remind me, "Donna, I am quite happy in my life and I am not really looking for anyone right now." 

As for how to respond, tell them honestly, "I don't know" if you don't know....and if you are open to being matched with someone let that be known as well. They might be asking that question as a gateway to a dialogue about match making.  

~DonnaaLicious~*


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## T'Rina / MsXXL (Dec 23, 2005)

FEast said:


> This could actually be a backhanded compliment. They may be curious as to why someone as pretty as you is still single.




I realize it is a compliment but kind of a tactless one, it sort of leaves you hanging.


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## Webmaster (Dec 23, 2005)

MisticalMisty said:


> How many people are actually single? I've been single for about 4 years. I absolutely hate it when someone asks me why I'm single. I just want to smack them. I don't know why I'm single. If I did, maybe I wouldn't be single!
> 
> Can I say single one more time? LOL



I can definitely see how that can be obnoxious, even if, as Fuchsia pointed out, it can be meant as sort of an odd compliment. 

By and large, it seems an incredibly touchy subject. I got married relatively young and absolutely resented how everyone all of a sudden treated me as if I were some off-limits individual that needed to be stayed away from. I mean, I wasn't looking for anything, I just wanted to be treated like the same person I had always been. So my reaction was just as prickly when someone asked me if I was married and then immediately disqualified me as even being worthy a discussion if I said I was. One time I was dancing somewhere and the woman, on the middle of the dance floor, fast dance no less, asked me if I was married. I said yes and she simply walked away. I mean, wtf?!

Later I was single for five years where I needed to regroup, and during that time it was equally frustrating to be asked "the question" and, upon saying I was single, immediately see how I was processed and placed in the "eligible, potentially pursue" category. Grrrr.

So it's a sensitive subject alright.


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## Zandoz (Dec 23, 2005)

I've been plural most of my life. When folks found out I was getting married, the reaction was almost universally shock and disbelief...to the point that in the little village I lived in, there was actually a watch going on to catch a glimpse of who would marry him.


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## Totmacher (Dec 23, 2005)

I'm single because I'm shy, _duh_.


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## dreamer72fem (Dec 23, 2005)

I am on of the single and don't really know why people. I have this curse I think...I make guy friends because I am one of those chicks who likes comics, games, movies and anime and I am a bit goofy So I am cool as a friend....but ask me on a date...NOOO....


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## MisticalMisty (Dec 23, 2005)

Donnaalicious said:


> *When I was single, I got that question a great deal from very well meaning friends and relatives who were "attached". I agree with Fuschia's assessment that it's an innate human urge to pair off so therefore someone who choses to not do so is viewed as a curiosity of sorts. I find that being married, I naturally try to play matchmaker to anyone I know who is single. I caught myself doing it to a single male chat buddy a couple weeks ago and he had to remind me, "Donna, I am quite happy in my life and I am not really looking for anyone right now."
> 
> As for how to respond, tell them honestly, "I don't know" if you don't know....and if you are open to being matched with someone let that be known as well. They might be asking that question as a gateway to a dialogue about match making.
> 
> ~DonnaaLicious~*



You know, I have that same urge. LOL. I wanna be part of a couple, but for some reason unknown to me..it hasn't been my time. I've had more than my fair share of guys ask me that question and I just tell them I'm not sure. When I'm asked to elaborate, I just tell them it took me some time to get over my last bf, I've been working full time/school full time for 9 years now and (since I'm a spirtual person) I tell them God's biding his time. But, in all actually, I'm still uncertain. Sometimes I feel the need to take a long look at myself to see if there maybe something I'm doing..some kind of hidden signal..like a dog whistle  that may be hindering my search. But, in the long run..I don't know!

It's really hard this time of year. I guess that's why I've got the bah humbugs about the holidays. Everyone's all coupled up..and not that I'm not happy for my friends, and the 15 people I now know who are pregant. I just can't help but feel a little twinge of envy. I know there are some women who are strong enough to live life without a man. I consider myself fiercely independent and I'm not lookng for a man to take care of me. Just one to love me. I have this overwhelming urge to have babies  

Ok, enough of that..LOL I know you guys weren't expecting a book!


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## Mini (Dec 23, 2005)

I'm single mostly by choice. I'm really bad at relationships and I'm not out to hurt anyone, so I tend to try to keep things platonic now.


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## Carrie (Dec 23, 2005)

Totmacher said:


> I'm single because I'm shy, _duh_.



Tot, how many times do I have to tell you that shy guys are teh cuteness? Don't let that stand in your way. Walk up to some cute girl, blush and stammer or do whatever cute shy thing it is that you do, and if she has an ounce of taste, she'll ask you for your number. 

REALLY. I swear on my stack of porn.


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## Jes (Dec 23, 2005)

FEast said:


> This could actually be a backhanded compliment. They may be curious as to why someone as pretty as you is still single.
> 
> One would think that, in this day and age, our values would be somewhat different than they were when I was coming up, when a woman's main goal after high school was supposed to be to snag a husband. I suppose our innate urge to mate causes us to instinctively wonder why someone remains single.
> 
> Some might also want to know 'cause they're wondering why they, themselves, still are. A snappy comeback in that instance might be to say, "Good question. Why are _you_?"  ~Bountifully, Fuchsia



perhaps it's a pity party, but I only feel sad when people pay me the compliment thingie--or rather, when they give me the ole: oh, you must be turning the men down in droves! you must be picky! etc. 

uh, no.

It's such an awkward thing to have to actively repeat that no one is interested in me. I mean, when you have to say that 3 or 4 times, it's ... demeaning. For me at least. Not being single, but having to convince someone that no one is after you. 

I've learned to just be light, or silly, or silen (with a smile). I mean, what can you do.


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## MisticalMisty (Dec 23, 2005)

Jes said:


> perhaps it's a pity party, but I only feel sad when people pay me the compliment thingie--or rather, when they give me the ole: oh, you must be turning the men down in droves! you must be picky! etc.
> 
> uh, no.
> 
> ...




That is the absolute worst. I have to agree with you. It makes me feel completely pathetic. I'm really, I'm smart, funny, successful with my job and very hot..lol..I have no clue why men aren't beating down my door. They just aren't! 

On a side note Jes, if I have any grammatical errors..please forgive them


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## Moonchild (Dec 23, 2005)

I've been alone for 17, going on 18 years. Why? Eh. Good question, but I'll take most of the blame for myself. I'm not exactly a "ladies' man."

A friend of mine told me a couple days ago, that if she didn't know me, she'd just assume I'm "a manwhore," as she put it. Because _apparently_ I have a good personality and am attractive (coulda fooled me, to be honest... I was going for that "gloriously ugly" quality like Lemmy from Motorhead). So she pretty much told me that there's no good reason for me to be single. That made me feel pretty good, except by "good" I actually mean "depressed and lonely."


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## Matt (Dec 23, 2005)

Totmacher said:


> I'm single because I'm shy, _duh_.



Same for me, I'm too shy.


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## Ryan (Dec 24, 2005)

I'm 28 years old - almost 29 - and I've never had a real, long-term relationship in my entire life. I've done my fair share of dating, but I didn't really connect with any of these women. 

So yeah, I'm single, and the reason for this is obvious: I haven't met the right woman yet. I guess figuring out _why_ I haven't met the right woman is what I need to be working on. I don't mind being single at all, though. I appreciate the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. 

The ideal woman for me would be one who has similar interests, and enjoys the same things as me. A certain amount of compromise is necessary for a relationship, but agreement is always better than compromise. My interests range from the dark/geeky (occult/paganism, video games, anime, martial arts, yoga, sci-fi, new age/techno/trance/goth music) to the red-blooded American (NASCAR, baseball, football, UFC, rock/country music). But she has to have a really warped sense of humor and not be easily offended, or else we might not get along very well. I have a wide variety of interests and I'm not that picky about appearance, so I see no reason for me to "settle" for someone who isn't right for me.


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## MisticalMisty (Dec 24, 2005)

Ryan said:


> so I see no reason for me to "settle" for someone who isn't right for me.



You're right, you shouldn't have to settle. Honestly, I could be with a few people right now. But, those guys and I are looking for completely different things and our lives are headed in varying directions. More importantly, I know that if I were to "hook up" with this guys, I would feel like I let myself down for some reason. This probably isn't making any sense to anyone but me. I just know what I want...and I'm waiting..not so patiently for him to show up


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## T'Rina / MsXXL (Dec 24, 2005)

Here is the answer I gave someone in chat today

Because I am fat complicated woman in a world that wants thin, simple women.


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## ValentineBBW (Dec 24, 2005)

T'Rina / MsXXL said:


> Here is the answer I gave someone in chat today
> 
> Because I am fat complicated woman in a world that wants thin, simple women.



Great answer!


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## olivefun (Dec 24, 2005)

*I would rather be single than wish I was.*

That is the short answer.

I don't want to be a mom to someone who is old enough to do take care of himself.

If it isn't *amazing* then I would prefer to spend my time alone than with someone who doesn't appreciate me or who doesn't show me his best sides.

For me, it is best to spend time with a person of either gender, married or not, who's company I really get a lot out of without any mention or implication of sex.

There are times when making a choice is easier than other times. We don't have to go on a date unless we want to. 

There is no shame in being single. 
Sometimes we must remind our loved ones of this concept and remember that the inquiring minds usually have our happiness in mind when they make their inquiry.


The romantic notion of marriage is wonderful when it works, hell when it doesn't and just painful when it takes forever to extricate what is left of your dignity.


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## Obesus (Dec 25, 2005)

I was married for ten years...I'm still good friends with my ex-wife and her boyfriend...I am out there doing art and performance and music and such, no shortage of women friends but I think I am just a tad scary to some because of my intensity....life is too short to be lukewarm...the one thing I have always craved is passion...I mean deep, heartfelt passion and love, but I have always wound up being the healer...that is something I am very good at but it gets tiring...there is a burning flame out there...I can feel her...:bow:


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## BBWMoon (Dec 26, 2005)

I'm single. Unfortunately, I had several extended relationships that never evolved. I am attracted to men who are compassionate, intelligent and have a travel bug, like I do. They are usually older than me. 

I tend to put myself last & for some reason, I think I've associated with men who placed me only casually last in their lives. (although I don't consider myself to have submissive tendencies... I'm a stubborn Strawberry-Blonde!) 

What I want is to be is high on the list, I want the real deal.
No more being last, no more loneliness... no more competition
with Women, Mothers' or for Time. No more torches. I will never be last again. 

The next unwavering act of high sincerity will attract my honest attention.


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## Fat Gary NYC (Dec 26, 2005)

I have never had what I would consider a real relationship in my life. If they need a sequel to "The 40 Year Old Virgin" they can cast me in the lead and I wouldn't have to act the part.  

What I want, more than anything, is a real relationship... unfortunately, I want it so bad that I fear I give off vibes of desperation such that anyone who might be crazy enough as to possibly be interested in me... even the most desperate FFA... might be scared away.

I'm at the point in my life now where I see a couple in the street and I say to myself "I can never have that..."


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## moonvine (Dec 26, 2005)

I've been single (as in not married) all my life. Sometimes I do manage to find a boyfriend, though. 

I'm pretty set in my ways. I am a bigtime slob and I do cat rescue, so I can have up to 15 cats in my house at any one time . I subscribe to what I call the "duplex theory" in which I really think married folks should live next door to each other and visit a lot

I'm almost 40 and getting adjusted to the fact that I likely will never marry, and getting ok with that.


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## Jeannie (Dec 26, 2005)

I'm 46 and single. I was married for 15 yrs and loved it. Marriage suits me. I've been divorced for about 7 yrs now and for the first 4 or 5 yrs I thought I needed to find love again. I missed being married so I was very receptive to meeting someone. After going thru one semi long distance and a couple more very long distance relationships, I'm so turned off by those that I would never consider one ever again. Congrats to those who are able to make long distance relationships work. I can't. I think those experiences turned me off from getting emotionally involved with anyone, even locally, because I just don't seem to have the desire to even have a boyfriend in town. I'm at a place in my life where I just don't want the emotional hassle of a relationship. I enjoy being alone too much to go through the work relationships require. I love being single right now.

What I do miss about being in a relationship is the sex. While the past two years of aloneness has been a good thing for me, the lack of sex has started to wear pretty thin. What do you do about a thing like that? I don't want a boyfriend or a husband, but I want sex! Lots of it, if possible. I know I can find local guys just looking for no strings sex on different internet sites but that's just creepy, gross, and dangerous to me. I could never bring myself to hook up with someone online to meet for sex. Most of those guys are probably married anyway and that is NOT happening with me. No, I want to have a regular booty call that I meet naturally somehow. No internet trolls. No bar trolls. How do you meet a nice, *good guy* and make it known you aren't wanting anything more than sex? Something regular, casual, fulfilling, and FUN. 

Maybe I should make up a business card type thing? Go to the various churches (because those are the kind of guys I tend to like), and hand my card out. It could say something like... If you're single and interested in a no strings regular booty call with a fat, passionate, natural redhead, call xxx-xxxx.  That's pretty pathetic, isn't it? I'm kidding of course, but I'm not kidding about the desire. 

I think I'm just out of luck until I'm ready to make the plunge back into the dating world again. Who knows how long that will be. I'm hoping it will be right around the time my son flys away from the nest. That should be in about 1 1/2-2 yrs. If I don't get this sex thing worked out by then, watch out you single men! There will be a very hungry man-eater on the loose. :eat2: 

Good luck to all those who are hoping to find someone special to love!


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## moonvine (Dec 26, 2005)

Jeannie said:


> How do you meet a nice, *good guy* and make it known you aren't wanting anything more than sex?



Um, I don't think you can. I mean, any guy will probably provide you with sex, but the good ones generally get angsty about it. Especially if they are church goers. Don't most churches teach that sex outside of marriage is a sin? The ones I am familiar with do.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 26, 2005)

MisticalMisty said:


> How many people are actually single? I've been single for about 4 years. I absolutely hate it when someone asks me why I'm single. I just want to smack them. I don't know why I'm single. If I did, maybe I wouldn't be single!
> 
> Can I say single one more time? LOL




Nothing wrong with being single. If people ask why, you just say the right one has not come along yet. LOL.


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## Jeannie (Dec 26, 2005)

moonvine said:


> Um, I don't think you can. I mean, any guy will probably provide you with sex, but the good ones generally get angsty about it. Especially if they are church goers. Don't most churches teach that sex outside of marriage is a sin? The ones I am familiar with do.



Well see, there's the catch. First let me say I don't go to church and never have so I can't speak to what they teach, but yes, I suspect a lot of them do teach sex outside of marriage is a sin. I've dated regular church goers and the fact that we were having sex outside of marriage never came up. I think for a lot of people, that is one sin they are willing to commit with regularity. Personally, I don't believe it's a sin, so it doesn't apply to me. Secondly, the church goer isn't a requirement by any means. I just used that as an opposing example to the sexual sluts online. I'm not interested in a guy that sleeps around or uses the internet to hook up for one time flings. I'm sure church goers can be sluts too, but in general, I think they may be a little bit, or maybe a lot more discerning sexually than what you find on a hook-up site. I may be delusional about that part. Basically, the church goer comment isn't about their feelings and ideas about sex anyway. I don't know why exactly, maybe because I don't go, but I have always been attracted to and admire men who go to church. I think Joel Osteen is HOT. (I need a blush emoticon here)

I guess what I would like is a guy who is in the same place I am about relationships. They think they're great but now isn't the time to get deeply involved in one, for whatever reason. A guy who doesn't want to fall in love but would have fun getting intimate with ONE person until either person decided it was time to move on. Hopefully it wouldn't be a short term deal. I would hate that. I'm *not* promiscuous. I just want some sex with one nice, non creepy guy, to fulfill some needs and leave the love part out of it.

I don't expect I'll find it.


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## olivefun (Dec 26, 2005)

Jeannie said:


> I guess what I would like is a guy who is in the same place I am about relationships.
> 
> I don't expect I'll find it.



Well if you don't think you'll find what you're looking for, the chances are you won't.

I was chatting with a guy who says where he goes looking for fat women is outside of the big lady stores, or the all-you-can-eat buffets. Marvelling over his creative way to get what he's looking for, I think he is onto something.

He says he gets accused of being a creep for this, but he loves to see fat women eating, and this is something that brings him pleasure and I say "ok".

Looking for a fuck buddy in a church does not seem like the best idea for succeeding at fulfilling your desires.


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## Jeannie (Dec 26, 2005)

olivefun said:


> Looking for a fuck buddy in a church does not seem like the best idea for succeeding at fulfilling your desires.



That made me laugh out loud.

I obviously suck at looking in the right place for a "fuck buddy." Maybe someone can teach me how it's done?


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## moonvine (Dec 26, 2005)

Jeannie said:


> I guess what I would like is a guy who is in the same place I am about relationships. They think they're great but now isn't the time to get deeply involved in one, for whatever reason. A guy who doesn't want to fall in love but would have fun getting intimate with ONE person until either person decided it was time to move on. Hopefully it wouldn't be a short term deal. I would hate that. I'm *not* promiscuous. I just want some sex with one nice, non creepy guy, to fulfill some needs and leave the love part out of it.
> 
> I don't expect I'll find it.



Well...I DO know a guy who is looking for that exact same thing, but he's no churchgoer. At least not of the Christian variety. He's of some other faith, not sure which. In fact, he called me one weekend early in the morning saying he was tired of being a slut and he wants a friend with benefits in which the two parties are actually friends - real friends, not just friends for the sake of having sex, but still have sex. He doesn't want anonymous sex, and he doesn't want a relationship. If you lived in Houston, I'd introduce you. Anyway, he has the same question, about how to meet such a person. Seems it is harder than one would think.


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## Jeannie (Dec 26, 2005)

moonvine said:


> Well...I DO know a guy who is looking for that exact same thing, but he's no churchgoer. At least not of the Christian variety. He's of some other faith, not sure which. In fact, he called me one weekend early in the morning saying he was tired of being a slut and he wants a friend with benefits in which the two parties are actually friends - real friends, not just friends for the sake of having sex, but still have sex. He doesn't want anonymous sex, and he doesn't want a relationship. If you lived in Houston, I'd introduce you. Anyway, he has the same question, about how to meet such a person. Seems it is harder than one would think.



I appreciate the gesture Moonvine but I think I'll have to pass. I am from Houston, but I don't live there now. And besides that, knowing he is tired of being a slut, _is_ rather off-putting. I lean more towards the virginal types. Virgins, inexperienced, or married to one woman (for years), widowed or divorced type of guys. You know, ones you _might_ find in a church!  

Okay, I hope someone else comes along to answer the question about their single life. I think I'm starting to develop a complex!


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## moonvine (Dec 27, 2005)

Well, mine is possibly heading towards non-singleness. Not sure this guy is the best guy for me, but I so rarely find one I like.


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## bigsexy920 (Dec 27, 2005)

I was actually at a family function this weekend and I felt so out of place. I am the oldest female of all my cousins and I have to admit I've changed most of their diapers and to see they with their wives and husbands and significant others as well as some having children themselves was alittle hard. I felt VERY single that day. To top it off I did'nt have anything interesting to discuss about what going on with me. Some cousins that are now all over the country were back home for the holidays and I have'nt seen some in years, they would ask me, " what's going on with you?" and I did'nt have much to say. It was horrible 

To get to the subject at hand. Most people don't ask me that question anymore. I guess they just assume I want to be single or for some in my family I tend to think they may think it's a weight thing. 

Most guys that are interested in dating me will ask WHY I'm single. I just answer with the same question most the time, or I'll say I'm picky I honstly dont know why I'm single. Sometimes I think it's the safest. 

Bern


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## ConnieLynn (Dec 27, 2005)

bigsexy920 said:


> I was actually at a family function this weekend and I felt so out of place. I am the oldest female of all my cousins and I have to admit I've changed most of their diapers and to see they with their wives and husbands and significant others as well as some having children themselves was alittle hard. I felt VERY single that day.



For years I was the only single cousin at the yearly reunion and got the when are you getting married question. Then for 10 years I was in a domestic partnership, but since we were not married all my Southern Baptist relatives STILL asked the marriage question AND the when are you having kids question. People can be so rude, and it's just none of their damn business. I'm single again, but not a soul at the last reunion asked me any rude questions. In the last couple of years the majority of my cousins have gotten divorced, so now they are single again too.


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## toni (Dec 27, 2005)

i am single...it does suck...but do you know what sucks worse??? being in a crappy relationship...i have had so many of those...right now, i am taking this time to explore my options

as for that "why are you single?" question...usually i get this when i am out and a dude is trying to do the whole pick up thing...my response is "i have not found anyone worthy of me"...then if i get the you must have a million men beating on your door, i always answer "YES i do, its sooooooo annoying"...be true or not...they dont have to know that...now say all this while playing with the ice cube (with your tongue) from the drink he just got for you and i can assure you that man will be eating right out of your hand


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## MisticalMisty (Dec 27, 2005)

bigsexy920 said:


> I'll say I'm picky I honstly dont know why I'm single. Sometimes I think it's the safest.



I've said that I'm too picky as well, and honestly, my friends and family tell me I am. But, it comes from years of dating people that either treated me poorly or felt like they were taking "pity" on the fat girl. I'm extrememly picky now as I get older because I am looking for a marriage and I want to be married forever..LOL I know that I want a man that will treat me the way I want to be treated. 

That being said, I think now I try to weed thru the men that claim to be FAs and those that actually are. A man has to have an understanding of the issues I face on a daily basis. Dating me isn't easy. I can't fit in booths at a restaurant. I can't walk a long distance without taking regular breaks. These are issues that some guys can't handle and I need to know that before I put myself out there.

So, maybe that's why I'm single. I still don't know. I'm an well educated, funny, damn sexy woman. One day I will find a man that agrees  Until then, I'll just keep on keeping on.


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## GeorgeNL (Dec 27, 2005)

Wow, looks like all single people are online.

I'm also single, always have been, and indeed many people also ask me why? However, I am not attractive at all, and maybe they ask that just to make me feel at ease.
Maybe also because they notice I am interested in women and I know I should quit flirthing at my age (34), but I just simply like women. Some are really warm nice persons, that I cannot help liking them. 

I don'I need a relationship, but what I do miss is a good friendship. I have good friends, but they all are nowadays busy with there own famililies. What I hope to find one day is a kind of friend with whom you can share a little more then just normal everyday life.


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## EvilBob (Dec 27, 2005)

<<=== Single.

Just got out of an 11 year relationship in October... she was a great girl... but not the one for me in the long run.

I havent really been single for nay extended period since high school... so it might be fun to find out who I am.


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## Jane (Dec 27, 2005)

GeorgeNL said:


> Wow, looks like all single people are online.
> 
> I'm also single, always have been, and indeed many people also ask me why? However, I am not attractive at all, and maybe they ask that just to make me feel at ease.
> Maybe also because they notice I am interested in women and I know I should quit flirthing at my age (34), but I just simply like women. Some are really warm nice persons, that I cannot help liking them.
> ...


I'll stop flirting in my grave.


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## Fat Gary NYC (Dec 27, 2005)

Y'know, I remember one time in school, so this was way, way back in the old frontier days  , when one of the students asked the teacher if she was married.

The teacher's response: "Why? Do you want to marry me?"

This might be a good comeback for those who are so inclined to use it.

(The sad thing about today's world is that had the exchange described above happened today, in _exactly the same tone and context as it happened then,_ somebody would have reported the teacher and a whole Pandora's box would have been opened. Thank you, Mary Kay Letourneau...  )


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## toni (Dec 27, 2005)

Jane said:


> I'll stop flirting in my grave.



hell yeah!!!! :bow:


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## Jes (Dec 28, 2005)

moonvine said:


> Well...I DO know a guy who is looking for that exact same thing, but he's no churchgoer. At least not of the Christian variety. He's of some other faith, not sure which. In fact, he called me one weekend early in the morning saying he was tired of being a slut and he wants a friend with benefits in which the two parties are actually friends - real friends, not just friends for the sake of having sex, but still have sex. He doesn't want anonymous sex, and he doesn't want a relationship. If you lived in Houston, I'd introduce you. Anyway, he has the same question, about how to meet such a person. Seems it is harder than one would think.




It's doable but I think it takes some pretty obvious flirting. A smile, a wink, a statement about feeling at a sexual peak, but not being so interested in dating. Know what I mean? Kind of...muse out loud about what would suit you. If the other person doesn't pick up on it and/or isn't interested, move on. This happened for me at my place of employment.


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## moonvine (Dec 28, 2005)

Jes said:


> It's doable but I think it takes some pretty obvious flirting. A smile, a wink, a statement about feeling at a sexual peak, but not being so interested in dating. Know what I mean? Kind of...muse out loud about what would suit you. If the other person doesn't pick up on it and/or isn't interested, move on. This happened for me at my place of employment.



Next time he calls I will tell him this. I'm at a loss for what to tell him most of the time, as this is SO not what I am looking for. Whatever I said in my half asleep stupor apparently did him some good, since he told me the next day he felt much better after talking to me.


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## Ivy (Dec 29, 2005)

I am single because the majority of the men that are interested in me turn out to be severely emotionally mutated or generally speaking, just suck at life. Plus, I am entirely too busy for a relationship right now.

I enjoy being single. Its a hell of a lot of fun and definitely 1,000x better than being in an unhealthy or unfulfilling relationship. It would take a lot to get me to even _think_ about being involved a relationship right now. 

Besides, being single means you can make out with anyone you want! Even if you dont exercise the right, it's fun to know it's an option. :smitten:


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## Ivy (Dec 29, 2005)

Jane said:


> I'll stop flirting in my grave.



Amen sistah!


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## Santaclear (Dec 29, 2005)

Flirting in the grave is wrong, anyway.


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## The Romantic Swordsman (Dec 30, 2005)

Despite being a tender age, I have been asked this question by friends alot. Always the ones that ran off and got married right when they turned 18, and I ask them why they are married? Seems rather silly to rush into something so important so quickly, especially at such a young age.


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## Jes (Jan 2, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> You're right, you shouldn't have to settle. Honestly, I could be with a few people right now. But, those guys and I are looking for completely different things and our lives are headed in varying directions. More importantly, I know that if I were to "hook up" with this guys, I would feel like I let myself down for some reason. This probably isn't making any sense to anyone but me. I just know what I want...and I'm waiting..not so patiently for him to show up



Good answer. Very good answer.

The only reason I want to be in a relationship with someone right now is that so I'll always have someone to check me for ticks and chiggers, after I've been camping.


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## Jane (Jan 2, 2006)

Santaclear said:


> Flirting in the grave is wrong, anyway.


No, it's wrong to flirt with someone who's IN their grave.

There's a difference.


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## ATrueFA (Jan 2, 2006)

I've been single all my life and haven't had very many real life relationships with women. Not by choice but because I've never been very good at meeting women and I've come to realize now that I have made it to my 50's that I simply am not what most women are looking for as a partner especially now that I am older and am on a more limited income, have vision problems, have always been shy around women and am of course I am still short (if I had a nickle for everytime I was told by a women "Your a nice guy BUT I don't date short men", I'd be rich). I have never been into bars or casual relationships and have always though sex was something special you do with someone you love. I always feel awkward at parties and get-togethers as I am nearly always the only un-coupled person. I always thought all my life I'd love to meet the right lady and have someone to share life with and most my adult life I spent much time, energy, money and emotion on countless failed attempts to try and meet that special lady. I also thought and still think that that I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person. If only I'd figured out early on that it was all going to be in vain I could have channeled all that into something more productive. I am just now coming to terms with the fact that I will most likely be alone the rest of my life and will probably be known as "The eccentric man with cats", I have always felt I'm missing something special in life by being alone but now I've realized (maybe to late) that by spending most my life searching in vain that I've managed to miss out on much of life itself. Maybe I will get smart enough to finally give up the idea of being coupled and learn that I can enjoy lifes other pleasures without someone to share them with.

Dave


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## mybluice (Jan 2, 2006)

I'm single and it's not that I enjoy it I just have this opinion that marriage is to be forever and have yet to date someone I want to be married to, okay I do have 2 kids, so I did enjoy something....lol. I know too many people who get married just because they don't want to be single and once married are miserable because they didn't take the time to get to know the person, so they divorce and start the who process over. I've also seen several who get married and stay married even though they are miserable only because they don't think they can do any better....is that really how you would want to live your life. Not me! I guess I will stay single until the right one comes along.......


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## Ryan (Jan 3, 2006)

I'm still single here, people.

I'm nice, intelligent, have a good sense of humor, have a good work ethic, and I usually remember to put the toilet seat down.

I like Robert Heinlein, Tom Clancy and Ayn Rand books and John Wayne and Quentin Tarantino movies. I'm a fan of NASCAR, Major League Baseball, all sorts of music (except R&B and rap), and I like old houses and antique furniture. I like cats and I have a really twisted sense of humor.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Jan 3, 2006)

I can't even remember the last time I was asked why I'm single. I think most people assume I'm single because I'm fat. And irritating.


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## Jes (Jan 3, 2006)

And hysterical!


On the plane to Chicago at xmas, I cracked a joke. The flight attendant laughed and said; Funny lady, funny lady! Who's with this woman? And I realized she was trying to find which guy was my husband, and everyone was looking around b/c she KEPT asking.

So I just cracked: No one! The funny lady is always alone!
(i don't believe it but it's been true for me)

And get this--Some guy cracks: yeah, but stupid guys are NEVER single!

hahaha. I love that guy!

you're hot, bbabe, and I'm gonna do you.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Jan 3, 2006)

Jes said:


> So I just cracked: No one! The funny lady is always alone!



So true, Jes. So true.







Now, please tell me you climbed over seatbacks and kicked people in their heads as necessary, to get to the dude who cracked the "stupid guys" joke. Please.


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## TaciturnBadger (Jan 3, 2006)

Or will this be an Unsolicited Onion? I dunno yet!

I'm single, happily so. I personally don't find it annoying to get asked if I'm single, but I have to agree with the Webmaster that the good ol' "available, consider pursuing later" category is, however, annoying to all get-out. In my experience, one doesn't necessarily lead to the other. 

As for the *why* of why I'm single.. it's a badger thing. Nasty temperament, and all that.  Honestly, it's more or less that at this point in life, I simply don't want to deal with any of the drama, which almost always come with a relationship. My friends and I have even taken to calling them "dramaships." It's just easier, at this point, to keep things simple  

--B.


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## Jes (Jan 3, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> So true, Jes. So true.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




oh, no. I didn't get the sense (and I could be VERY wrong, maybe it's my dopey optimism showing) that he was making a mean joke. 

I thought he was saying: dumb guys find women, and smart/witty women don't find men. Know what I mean? 

Again, I could be wrong. I certainly didn't glare at him, but instead laughed, so...

Ok, ther'es a discovery health show on female-to-male transgender surgery that has my name written allover it!


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## Jes (Jan 3, 2006)

Anyway, THIS funny lady isn't worried. She knows everyone here wants her and at some point during 2006, will move heaven and earth to hang with her. All of you. 

I'm gonna be mighty busy.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Jan 3, 2006)

Jes said:


> oh, no. I didn't get the sense (and I could be VERY wrong, maybe it's my dopey optimism showing) that he was making a mean joke.



I know. I meant you should step on people's faces to get TO him. Y'know. Git _wid_ him. Get at 'im.

Funny guy = good.


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## dreamer72fem (Jan 3, 2006)

Ryan said:


> twisted sense of humor.



Well that is a GREAT thing to have...that is for sure. I am one of those twisted sense of humor people also. See....I figured I would make a nice clever response and now I am just sounding like a geek because ....wait a minute I am a geek so of course I would sound like one. Hmm...I went from responding to pretty much having an internal conversation on the boards. 
Guess I have done my damage...lol
Stacey


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## Jes (Jan 3, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> I know. I meant you should step on people's faces to get TO him. Y'know. Git _wid_ him. Get at 'im.
> 
> Funny guy = good.



ohhhh. 

I see. But yeah, like just about everyone but me traveling at xmas, he was, of course, with a WOMAN. of marriageable age and demeanor. 

So i pushed her out the plane's window. Sorry air marshalls!


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## EvilBob (Jan 3, 2006)

Jes said:


> So i pushed her out the plane's window.




Wow... Jes is a terrorist. Perfect! I bet the NSA is listening to everything we say... I know they are here.

Did you hear that???

Sneaky [email protected]$tards... they are everywhere!


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## Thrifty McGriff (Jan 4, 2006)

I'm 20, single, and I've never had a relationship nor have I really gotten near anything close to one. I haven't made any serious efforts for one even though I want a relationship very much so. I've almost completely overcome extreme shyness, social anxiety and various other issues that were in the way during adolescence. Now I'm just plain shy. 

I've been told that I have a lot to offer a girl in a long-lasting/permanent relationship. Hopefully I'll be able to put that statement to the test this 
spring(ish)...


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## Ryan (Jan 4, 2006)

dreamer72fem said:


> Well that is a GREAT thing to have...that is for sure. I am one of those twisted sense of humor people also. See....I figured I would make a nice clever response and now I am just sounding like a geek because ....wait a minute I am a geek so of course I would sound like one. Hmm...I went from responding to pretty much having an internal conversation on the boards.
> Guess I have done my damage...lol
> Stacey



Don't worry; I have some geek-like qualities, too. I also have plenty of non-geek qualities, so I'd say I'm a very balanced person. 

I looked at your home page. Anybody who likes the _Evil Dead_ trilogy must be cool.


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## Moonchild (Jan 4, 2006)

Ryan said:


> I looked at your home page. Anybody who likes the _Evil Dead_ trilogy must be cool.


\m/ yes! Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness are the best movies ever made!


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## dreamer72fem (Jan 4, 2006)

Ryan said:


> Don't worry; I have some geek-like qualities, too. I also have plenty of non-geek qualities, so I'd say I'm a very balanced person.
> 
> I looked at your home page. Anybody who likes the _Evil Dead_ trilogy must be cool.



I need to pick evil dead and army of darkness up on dvd sometime. Hmm...shall have to look today since I am going to Media Play. WHICH THEY ARE CLOSING...why do the powers that be always close my favorite stores. I can spends hours in that store....heck one time a friend and I sat in the anime department watching anime for nearly 2 hours one day. They had these two comfy chairs we took advantage Oh the memories.
Well I guess I have put it off long enough....off to work I go. Blah.
Stacey


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## moonvine (Jan 4, 2006)

TaciturnBadger said:


> As for the *why* of why I'm single.. it's a badger thing. Nasty temperament, and all that.  Honestly, it's more or less that at this point in life, I simply don't want to deal with any of the drama, which almost always come with a relationship. My friends and I have even taken to calling them "dramaships." It's just easier, at this point, to keep things simple
> 
> --B.



Too bad! Badgers are cute!


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## Jes (Jan 4, 2006)

EvilBob said:


> Wow... Jes is a terrorist. Perfect! I bet the NSA is listening to everything we say... I know they are here.
> 
> Did you hear that???
> 
> Sneaky [email protected]$tards... they are everywhere!



you know, I'm sure I have a file already. I used to get the Socialist Labor Party newspaper for a few years...my grandfather joined the Communist party for like an hour (but this was in Holland. Are files transnational?)

People, I'm very cranky today. Hear me, and assuage me.

I asked our IT person to help me do something that I didn't understand how to do, and asked if we could set up an afternoon appt.

I come back to my desk after a 2 hour MORNING meeting (!) and I get a message saying: I came by your desk and you weren't in. I don't know why you had trouble with it, I just followed the directions and installed the thingie for you.


So NOW, I still don't know how to do it, and I feel stupid (b/c she basically said I was--and I agree, I asked for help with a simple thing but I was upfront about not knowing how to do it, cut me some slack!) AND i need her to come back to show me again. 

Read for comprehension, please. I have googly eyes, I'm so mad.


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## Jane (Jan 4, 2006)

Jes, remember, when replying to her, the word "bitch" is assumed. Once doesn't actually say it IN the email.


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## Tina (Jan 4, 2006)

Ugh, I hate that power-tripping bullshit, Jes. Is there anyone else you can ask other than her?

ETA: As for the subject of the thread, I get asked if I'm single once in a while, but not why. The if is fine, but the why is intrusive, I think.


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## Jes (Jan 4, 2006)

Tina said:


> Ugh, I hate that power-tripping bullshit, Jes. Is there anyone else you can ask other than her?




Oh, i'm sure everyone knows how to do it. The problem is that I wanted to ...teach myself and if not that, then have her show me at my own workstation. You know?

It's a simple enough thing but I simply wasn't getting it myself. I'm upfront about that. If I say I want an afternoon appt., then that's what I want. Don't ignore what I request and then get mad that yes, I did indeed want what I asked for.

I think I'm just feeling emotionally labile about other things b/c my reaction is out of proportion to this situation. I really wish I could have a delicious beer for lunch.


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## Ryan (Jan 7, 2006)

dreamer72fem said:


> I need to pick evil dead and army of darkness up on dvd sometime. Hmm...shall have to look today since I am going to Media Play. WHICH THEY ARE CLOSING...why do the powers that be always close my favorite stores. I can spends hours in that store....heck one time a friend and I sat in the anime department watching anime for nearly 2 hours one day. They had these two comfy chairs we took advantage Oh the memories.
> Well I guess I have put it off long enough....off to work I go. Blah.
> Stacey



Did you get your copies of _Evil Dead_ and _Army of Darkness_? I'm a sci-fi and horror geek. Now that the new season of _Battlestar Galactica_ has started, I will be sitting at home on Friday nights. 

And I know how it is to have a favorite store be closed. A lot of things I like - stores, restaurants, TV shows, etc. - seem to close/get cancelled. That sucks.


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## dreamer72fem (Jan 7, 2006)

Ryan said:


> Did you get your copies of _Evil Dead_ and _Army of Darkness_? I'm a sci-fi and horror geek. Now that the new season of _Battlestar Galactica_ has started, I will be sitting at home on Friday nights.
> 
> And I know how it is to have a favorite store be closed. A lot of things I like - stores, restaurants, TV shows, etc. - seem to close/get cancelled. That sucks.



Nope I never got either....was sad going in the store. Alot of the racks were being torn down and the selection was getting smaller. I did get 4 dvds....cause I am unable to go in and not spend money. How is the new season of BG....I was soo excited when I saw they were going to make then when it first started and then I have never watched it. Some Friday when I am in I shall have to check it out. 
Stacey


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## Ryan (Jan 8, 2006)

dreamer72fem said:


> Nope I never got either....was sad going in the store. Alot of the racks were being torn down and the selection was getting smaller. I did get 4 dvds....cause I am unable to go in and not spend money. How is the new season of BG....I was soo excited when I saw they were going to make then when it first started and then I have never watched it. Some Friday when I am in I shall have to check it out.
> Stacey



It's just my opinion, of course, but I think _Battlestar Galactica_ is one of the best shows on television right now. The new season just started last night, but it appears that it will be every bit as good as the previous shows.


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## missaf (Jan 22, 2006)

olivefun said:


> Well if you don't think you'll find what you're looking for, the chances are you won't.
> 
> I was chatting with a guy who says where he goes looking for fat women is outside of the big lady stores, or the all-you-can-eat buffets. Marvelling over his creative way to get what he's looking for, I think he is onto something.
> 
> ...


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## mybluice (Jan 22, 2006)

When asked why am I still single, I answer with because I haven't met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. 

Yes, I have 2 children and no I've never been married. I don't regret having my kids out of wedlock, I just regret who their fathers are.

I've seen both of my siblings go thru bad first marriages, even second marriages and know that isn't what I want. I have a belief that marriage should last a lifetime and if I can't see myself staying with someone the rest of my life when dating them why should I marry them. 

I can take care of myself and my children have been doing so since they were born. I don't need to be taken care of, just appreciated for my many talents and all I have to offer. If someone can't see that then they are not worth my time.

Yes, being single can suck at times. Especially around the holidays, but I would rather be single than be with someone who doesn't really want to be there.

So, the next time someone asks 'why are you single' tell them because the man who can appreciate me for me hasn't come along and swept me off my feet and I deserve no less than that.


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## Ryan (Jan 22, 2006)

mybluice said:


> When asked why am I still single, I answer with because I haven't met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
> 
> Yes, I have 2 children and no I've never been married. I don't regret having my kids out of wedlock, I just regret who their fathers are.
> 
> ...



Has having children made it more difficult to meet a nice guy, in your opinion?


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## missaf (Jan 22, 2006)

I've met a nice guy, but he's not the right one, at least not right now, to be with me. He sees my son as a responsibility that he's not ready for, as in, he knows he's got some growing up to do before he walks into a kid's life. I admire that, and actually respect and love him MORE for it, but know that while he's not exactly calling my kid baggage, he wants to be ready for that situtation.


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## mybluice (Jan 22, 2006)

Ryan said:


> Has having children made it more difficult to meet a nice guy, in your opinion?




I've met a couple of nice men, but neither were the right one for me...one of them I am still friends with to this day. I think it has made it more difficult, but mostly that is on my part because I don't want just anyone involved with my children. Not that I would let them meet my children until I felt the time was right anyways.


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## Ryan (Jan 22, 2006)

mybluice said:


> I've met a couple of nice men, but neither were the right one for me...one of them I am still friends with to this day. I think it has made it more difficult, but mostly that is on my part because I don't want just anyone involved with my children. Not that I would let them meet my children until I felt the time was right anyways.



Good idea. I would do the same if I had children and was trying to meet a nice woman.


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## Michelle (Jan 22, 2006)

Ivy said:


> I am single because the majority of the men that are interested in me turn out to be severely emotionally mutated or generally speaking, just suck at life.


 
That's one of the funniest sentences I've read in a long time, Ivy, even if it wasn't meant to be.


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## Michelle (Jan 22, 2006)

I was recently at a function where being single felt uncomfortable. I was the only single person there out of about thirty people. We first had dinner and then went to a comedy club. I've never noticed before, but seating at tables is always arranged in multiples of two. That means if the couples are all sitting together and you're single, you're always sitting next to an empty chair. Thankfully, I knew everyone there pretty well, and the empty chair kept getting filled up by friends who came over to talk to me. Still in all, it felt strange.


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 22, 2006)

Michelle said:


> I was recently at a function where being single felt uncomfortable. I was the only single person there out of about thirty people. We first had dinner and then went to a comedy club. I've never noticed before, but seating at tables is always arranged in multiples of two. That means if the couples are all sitting together and you're single, you're always sitting next to an empty chair. Thankfully, I knew everyone there pretty well, and the empty chair kept getting filled up by friends who came over to talk to me. Still in all, it felt strange.




There is nothing worse than being the 3rd, 5th or 16th so to speak. I'm glad that your friends kept you company and you were able to have a good time! I've been to a comedy club with a few couples before and it doesn't bother me near as badly as when I go dancing with couples..now that sucks!


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## Jeannie (Jan 22, 2006)

missaf said:


> I sometimes go to the big and tall stores to scope out fat men (Really shopping for someone, I swear!), and when at Lane Bryant, I can't help but admire the ladies around me, including the staff, who always look so nice. I've been told it sounds a little creepy, but don't you have to go fishing where the fish are, if you want to say you're actually doing something??
> 
> Jeannie, there are guys and gals out there who are not creepy, but it's hard to find them, especially now that we're bombarded with so many men that could be, and you have to be quite discerning to find one. I say stick to what you know works, and if that stops working, try a little fishing



Well right now I have nothing to stick to so I'll continue to stay to myself and look forward to the future when I'm ready to get into an actual relationship. The friends with benefits would be nice, (lucky you for having that!) but I don't think I'm outgoing enough to get something like that started. Someone will have to come along and practically fall into my lap. (and through my roof! as I spend wayyyyy too much time at home and not out networking!) There _was_ a really CUTE pizza guy at the door a few nights ago. :eat2: :smitten: Am I the only one who secretly wants to pull the cute ones inside along with the pizza? I am a big tipper!


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## missaf (Jan 22, 2006)

LOL, in one of my more horny moments I thought the pizza man looked absolutely delectable enough to yank him inside, but alas, I had other things to tend to!


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## Isa (Jan 24, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> There is nothing worse than being the 3rd, 5th or 16th so to speak.....



I am turning into the permanent 5th wheel now that the majority of my close friends are married or engaged. Makes it very difficult going out and about at times. They all mean well, always extending invites but lately I've started turning them down. It's somewhat depressing to always be the odd person out.


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## goodvibrations (Feb 8, 2006)

Well, I think a look at the people who visit the plus-size paysite board could help you answer the male half of your question LOL.


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## Jane (Feb 8, 2006)

Isa said:


> I am turning into the permanent 5th wheel now that the majority of my close friends are married or engaged. Makes it very difficult going out and about at times. They all mean well, always extending invites but lately I've started turning them down. It's somewhat depressing to always be the odd person out.


I have a friend who refers to it as "I'm dating a couple."


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## Jes (Feb 8, 2006)

Coupled people should be aware of this (they were single too, once, and hell, might be again). Since there are 2 of them, I'd think at least 1 would have another single friend to bring along. I'm not talking a set up, I'm just saying that it can be nice for them to think along those lines and have a more mixed crowd if planning can be done. Or hell, sometimes I bring along someone else (single) to something I'm attending. Every now and then, I also elect not to go.


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