# So scared of putting on weight...



## bexy (Feb 21, 2008)

*Im not sure where to put this so mods feel free to move it if you feel it better belongs elsewhere. Im also not sure this post will be anything of any substance, I just wanted to vent a bit I guess.

I am at a point in my life where I can truly say I love my body. I love everything about it, the way it looks, the way it feels, everything. I am proud of it, and confident about it. I feel glad to be fat for many reasons, in fact I was discussing it with a size 14 friend. She feels under a lot of pressure to lose weight to get down to a size 10. She also said people notice when she gains like 7lbs and that makes her so paranoid about what she eats.

I dont have that problem. I feel under no pressure to lose weight as I know I would need to lose over 9 stone to get to "my ideal weight" and theres no way thats gonna happen, so why torture myself? I can gain or lose a stone here or there an no one notices. So generally the pressure is off me.

However recently I have noticed I have put on a few pounds. Im talking 5, maybe 6. But this has brought feelings out in me that I have never felt before.
I have realised I am terrified of getting any bigger. I cant explain why. I just want to stay the exact way I am now. Its take me long enough to love and accept this body and I cant do it all over again!

Its actually becoming a bit of an obsession though which is worrying me. I dont want to cut down on my food or exercise any more, as I dont want to lose weight. But I am so scared of gaining. I think I am at my ideal size. Some people look great bigger, I look at the paysite girls and think wow shes beautiful, about girls of all sizes. But I know I dont want to be any bigger than now. I'm freaking out so much about suddenly ballooning out when I decide to have a baby, or when I get older just getting a lot bigger.

I dont know how this post is going to come across. Its certainly not meant to offend in any way. Its just recently these feelings have been consuming me a bit. Ive always been the same when I get a notion in my head it does kinda take over my thoughts for a wee while.

The past week with our schedules and all my Cutie and I have eaten a lot of take-aways and now I am panicking about it! This is so pathetic I know. I love being fat, I love fat women, but I just have this thing that I dont want my own body to change. Its scaring me and I realise I sound a bit crazy here but I just needed to get it all down lol!
*


----------



## LoveBHMS (Feb 21, 2008)

Bex, it sounds more like you're afraid of losing control over your size than actually being bigger.

You sound as if your real fear is not so much being a larger size, but more that the 6 pounds can become 10 and then 20 and it might never end. More as if you're afraid you would not be able to stop yourself from getting bigger whether you wanted to or not.

Is that it?


----------



## MissToodles (Feb 21, 2008)

started this thread, many responses, hope it helps. you're certainly not alone!

http://dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8240


----------



## bexy (Feb 21, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Bex, it sounds more like you're afraid of losing control over your size than actually being bigger.
> 
> You sound as if your real fear is not so much being a larger size, but more that the 6 pounds can become 10 and then 20 and it might never end. More as if you're afraid you would not be able to stop yourself from getting bigger whether you wanted to or not.
> 
> Is that it?


*
yes thats pretty much it in a nutshell! that its out of my control and will just creep up on me with 6lbs here and 6lbs there and soon I will have put on 100lbs... I realise I sound very silly here. *


----------



## bexy (Feb 21, 2008)

MissToodles said:


> started this thread, many responses, hope it helps. you're certainly not alone!
> 
> http://dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8240



*thanks so much for this! reading my way through it now. *


----------



## LoveBHMS (Feb 21, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> *
> yes thats pretty much it in a nutshell! that its out of my control and will just creep up on me with 6lbs here and 6lbs there and soon I will have put on 100lbs... I realise I sound very silly here. *



it's not silly. It's not a matter of saying that looking one way or another is unattractive, but rather you'd like to know that you have control over your own body and that it won't do things you don't want it to.


----------



## bexy (Feb 21, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> it's not silly. It's not a matter of saying that looking one way or another is unattractive, but rather you'd like to know that you have control over your own body and that it won't do things you don't want it to.



*thats exactly it!! you are much better at wording this than me lol. I don't think anyones body is ever EVER going to stay exactly the same their whole life, I'm not deluded lol, but I WANT mine to stay like it is now. I dont want to have to change my eating or exercise pattern. I dont want to buy new clothes. I dont want to worry about my boyfriend maybe not fancying me anymore. I dont want to worry about my health. I dont want to struggle to accept a different body than the one I've grown to love now.
*


----------



## HottiMegan (Feb 22, 2008)

i can completely understand waht you're feelign. I had lost so much weight last year and loved my body at the low 300's. Clothes fit better and my energy was incredible. Then i hit a roadblock (death in of a close family member) and i gained like 60lbs. Now being pregnant, i have to eat every 2 hours or i get sick and i have gained another 17 lbs. (i used to eat maybe twice a day) I'm hatin' it and can't wait to get back to where i was. I dont hate my body at the current weight but I seriously want to go back to where i was for how i physically felt.


----------



## Shosh (Feb 22, 2008)

Bex I understand completely. I do not want to lose anymore weight ( Even though my doctor still thinks I am 10 kilos overweight. I also do not want to gain any weight. 
I am so sick of worrying about all this crap all the time.

Bex I do understand.


----------



## TallFatSue (Feb 22, 2008)

Oh I can relate to this. I had a sudden weight gain about 5 years ago that kinda scared me too.

Most of my life was one long slow gain. I didn't try to gain weight, but I didn't try to stop either, and the extra 10lb or so every year was no big deal. I did notice changes in my abilities and mobility but it was very gradual and I could compensate. When I reached 400lb in my late 30s I began to worry what might happen if my gradual weight gain continued indefinitely, especially past the daunting 500lb mark. Then for some reason my weight leveled off around 450lb in my early 40s, and I breathed a sigh of relief when I noticed all my clothes still fit me from year to year. I do enjoy being a very tall very fat woman, but I worried about possible health or mobility problems if I weighed 1/4 ton or more. 

In my mid 40s I slipped on some ice and twisted an ankle, so I hobbled about with a cane, and spent most of my day with my big fat ass parked in a chair. Due to my hindered mobility, and chained to my desk I ate even more than usual, so my weight shot up to 475lb in 3 months, my fastest gain since high school. My ankle slowly recovered and I began to move about more, but the extra weight impacted my mobility as much as my injury. No doubt I favored my injured ankle so I developed aches and pains in my other leg, and I wasn't as young as I used to be. But the extra weight played a role too, and I was scared I might reach 500lb that year. 

As my ankle returned to normal and I resumed my previous level of activity, my weight slowly fell to about 450lb again, without special effort on my part. I've maintained this weight for about 5 years now, my mobility is pretty good, the fat feels nice and comfy, and I can enjoy my normal eating habits. I do enjoy being fat, but physically I'm sure 500lb is a little too much for my body to handle, especially now that I'm over 50. But as long as my body is content to be 450lb, I'll keep on living life on the edge.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Feb 22, 2008)

Bexy as we get older our bodies are going to change. There's just no way to avoid it. We'll get old, our innards will function differently, etc. If you spend too much time worrying over it you lose out on enjoying what you have NOW. We can do whatever we can in moderation to stay healthy and sound but we defeat ourselves if we can't come to terms with things we can't do anything about. At each stage of my life where I was thinking I was wretched and ugly I look back at a picture of myself and see how cute I was and how much potential I had and I get angry that that time is gone and wasted because I couldn't see it. It then occured to me that at every stop in life there's always roses to smell if I will just allow myself to see and appreciate them. Don't wish your life away and forget to live.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Feb 22, 2008)

Bexy, I can relate to what you are feeling. And LoveBHMS has it right, I think: You're more concerned with your seeming inability to control your body, than you are with putting on weight. I am having the same struggle. I'm not overly concerned with how I look ... realistically speaking, I'm a 40-year-old woman who rapidly lost 150 pounds. Pffffffffffffffffffffffffftttttt .... the sound that a deflated balloon makes :shocked: Naomi Watts, I ain't, and never shall be. My primary concern is that if I allow myself to gain 3 pounds ... or 5 pounds ... pretty soon, it will become 30 pounds, then 50 ... then 100 ... and all of a sudden, I'm back to where I was 4 years ago (only now, I have surgically altered innards to contend with too). For me, that was not a good place to be. 

I'm still trying to figure out how to make some kind of peace with myself & with my body. I wish that I had some good advise for you, but frankly, I could use some myself. It's a never-ending, exhausting, and downright demoralizing battle, at times. I almost wish that it was a fixation on how I look ... that would be an easier battle to win. A glance in the mirror assures me that I'm already losing the battle with time and gravity  That, I have a sense of humor about. The weight gain, not so much. I guess because I feel in some way that I *should* be able to control it, and that if I don't, what I put myself through was all for naught.


----------



## tattooU (Feb 22, 2008)

i understand completely Bexy. About 3 years ago my doctor came to me with news that i was pre-diabetic. i was 26 and scared. i decided to just take better care of myself, eat better foods and get out more. Now, at one point i was counting calories, but mostly those little changes helped me lose 50lbs. i'm so happy where i am now. i'm not skinny by any means and i've never been, i'm just fat and happy....which has been a journey in and of itself (all the parental women in my life have never understood you CAN be fat AND happy!) 

But i feel as if i have a threshold of fat and happy. i fear being fatter.....i fear gaining weight while eating my whole grains and ice tea and not being able to lose it again. i too fear that 5lbs will turn into 20lbs will turn into 80lbs and i'll be out of control. Stats that tell me less than 10% of all people who lose weight keep it of scare me even more. 

i wish i had some advice, but i'm just scared too


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 22, 2008)

Bexy, I understand that old fear of, "Can't stay here forever." It most likely will go up. 

So you're forced to develop a routine you can live with and reevaluate as you go. 

The simple truth of it is I don't know anyone in their 40's who is the same size they were in their 20's. Form a lifestyle you can live with, and know you can always switch things up as necessary, and that your size says nothing about you.

We all have weeks where we eat like crap. Don't fall into a cycle of beating yourself up. Worry is not self-care, and I know you love yourself enough to do the right thing for your body.


----------



## Red (Feb 22, 2008)

Bexi, I understand. I go through stages of this quite frequently. I'm around 19 stone now and fairly comfortable, but I just prefer my body when I'm nearer 16 stone. I feel more 'me', with less back pain and that's importantant. I know that I will never be/don't want to be a skinny minnie but I also don't want to get any bigger either as I know that's when the medical problems will start to kick in.

People have different levels at where they feel good, and that's ok, it really is. My figure is 16, someone else might only feel good at 10 stone and that's why I try and ignore any 'charts' or 'guidelines' as they're just not relevent. 

I love food, and hate to diet. At the moment I am trying to focus on being healthy and I honestly understand how you feel, it can be very confusing but its a good thing that you notice this as it shows that you are in touch with your body.


*hug*


----------



## Chubbyadmirer86 (Feb 22, 2008)

Bexi, I'm going through the same thing except in reverse. Sorta. Last fall I intentionally put on about 20 pounds during my last semester in college. Now that I'm back home, I'm eating less and eating less fast food so I'm losing weight. That makes me anxious because I'm sick of conforming to others' expectations of me. I want my body to stop losing weight, but at the same time I'm anxious that if I gain alot of weight it'll lead to health problems in the future. I'm trying to accept my body at whatever size it is, but that's easier said than done.


----------



## bexy (Feb 22, 2008)

*wow! what great and personal responses, thank you so so much to everyone!

ive never been much lighter than i am now, ive never intentionally dieted or tried to lose any weight. the only time i ever lost weight was due to a serious illness and an operation. since i still have clothes now that fitted me when i was 18 (now i am 25) i figure ive pretty much always been the same dress size.

what scares me is i dont know any other body than this one. i dont want to lose control of my weight. it would appear what im doing now is fine for maintaining the size i am at, but when does that stop being enough? will i notice and be able to exercise more/eat less to pre empt it? or will weight slowly creep up on me till im 30 stone and cant live the life i lead now?

im such a worrywort, i spend so much time worrying about things that might happen (alien invasions anyone lol!?) and forget whats happening around me. 
it relates to the issues i have with anxiety, i know that, i dont just worry in passing, i fret my life away *


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 22, 2008)

I have talked about food....and my eating disorder all over this board. I really have no good advice other than what I have done.....

Stop weighing yourself.

Don't diet...ever (not saying that you do or have)

if you are worried about "maintenance" and comfort at this weight, then perhaps do some light walking regularly (I don't know if you do already or not). Walking really enhances my mood...and gives me more energy physically. I don't walk the same place too often...I find new places to go/walk to as this keeps it "fresh" and more enjoyable. ( I had slacked off the walking and now my health is suffering for it- I have taken it back up recently and feel good about that) 
Good walking shoes/sneakers are essential for your legs to feel okay- and only wear them for your walking.

Concentrate on your health- not your magical weight number. You were upset from a conversation about weight...I recently was, too. Don't talk about your weight until /unless you feel ready. Your weight is really nobody's business but your own. Tell others i.e. your friends that you are uncomfortable talking about weight "issues" right now....they are your friends so it should be okay. (people even talking about their own weight/diets affects me, too so I try to avoid it ALL) And no, it's not "silly of you" to ask for what you need.

Let go of your fear...your fear controls you, in so many aspects of your life. 
Don't fear yourself or "lack of control". Ultimately, you are strong and able to live your life however you see fit.

I know you will be just fine  :bow:


----------



## bexy (Feb 22, 2008)

*i dont actually weigh myself ever, only time that happens is if the doctor asks.

i dont worry about talking about weight. in fact i enjoy talking about it. i feel reassured to know im not part of that world that worries about cellulite or diet coke, my bum being big or having a "muffin top".

what started these feelings in me was me noticing my belly was a little bigger and my jeans a little tighter and i just freaked out. *


----------



## Fascinita (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi bexy,

I've had times when I've been scared of what's going on with my body. The feeling of being out of control, or of my body "going down hill," maybe even of future pain I'll have to contend with because of the extra weight (I had bad pain in the knees a few years back)... all of it is scary. This is normal.

Peace is every step, bexy


----------



## TallFatSue (Mar 1, 2008)

As a certified wise ass, sometimes I put my foot in my mouth. Some women I work with are always on diets. Several of us from the office went out to lunch on Friday to celebrate landing a big account, and I heartily enjoyed the meal. When I ordered the triple-chocolate desert, those same women commiserated that the desserts looked soooo good, but they'd better not order any. They're really watching their figures, ya know, because their husbands would be upset if they gained any weight, and oh Sue is so lucky that her husband doesn't care. Huh? What's that supposed to mean? 

Anyway my dessert arrived and a chorus of "mmmm" was heard around the table. Without really thinking, I said, "Fat women rule, thin women drool." I probably shouldn't have said that. :doh:

But that dessert sure was good! :eat2:


----------



## Jes (Mar 2, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Hi bexy,
> 
> I've had times when I've been scared of what's going on with my body. The feeling of being out of control, or of my body "going down hill," maybe even of future pain I'll have to contend with because of the extra weight (I had bad pain in the knees a few years back)... all of it is scary. This is normal.
> 
> Peace is every step, bexy


Agreed. And, sadly, as I've aged, I've found that most of us simply aren't as resilient as we once were. Things hurt more. Things heal more slowly. For me, as a fat woman, that's sobering. I'm a worrier too, Bexy, so I hear you. I think we have to try to turn that down as much as we can, if possible, but when we can't, we should try to make it constructive at least. So, think more about your choices when you're NOT feeling worried, and see how that works. And/or do whatever you can do now to keep active and limber. Aging strips just about all of us, fat or thin, of those things and it's sobering. I wouldn't have believed it X number of years ago, but I certainly do, now. Not that I'm ready for the Geritol Express yet, of course.


----------



## Jes (Mar 2, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> . Several of us from the office went out to lunch on Friday :



Oh boy, Sue--were any of these women your subordinates? Did you get into any trouble for that comment? I can't imagine that flying a lot of places (imagine the reverse, right?)... good luck!


----------



## TallFatSue (Mar 3, 2008)

Jes said:


> Oh boy, Sue--were any of these women your subordinates? Did you get into any trouble for that comment? I can't imagine that flying a lot of places (imagine the reverse, right?)... good luck!


Yes, and yes. You're right, you're absolutely right. 

Sometimes my friendly wise ass nature gets the better of me. But I don't need to imagine the reverse because I daresay I hear it far more than they. Besides, that's exactly what triggered my wise ass reflex ("oh Sue is so lucky that her husband doesn't care how fat she is"). Yes I was in a heap o' trouble for about 5 seconds -- but lucky for me one of the big company muckymucks was there and pointed out with a smile that that's what my coworker gets for dragging Sue's husband into it. She and I both got slaps on the wrist. Thank you, sir, may I have another! At least nobody took away my dessert. :doh:

Suitably chastized, I extracted my size 13 foot from my mouth and went into full backpedal mode (wow, that fat lady sure can dance!). I quickly ordered another triple-chocolate dessert -- with 3 forks -- and cut it into 3 slivers for the other women to share, thereby letting them enjoy some dessert without major diet sabotage. They accepted my peace offering. Powderkeg defused!


----------



## Jes (Mar 3, 2008)

It's interesting, the different types of things we hear in different environments. Perhaps it's because I'm a fat woman and don't normally engage in the 'oh, food is sinful!' talk, but I'm not sure I've ever heard a woman say: my husband will kill me if-- (add anything here. Except MAYBE bringing more stuff into the house, but that has always been a clutter thing that you'd say about a roommate or anyone you lived with). I have no doubt your colleagues say that, but maybe we run in different circles or I've just been lucky and have avoided it. I know women who feel they will kill THEMSELVES if they eat that pie, haha, but the whole 'husband' thing is rare, for me. Maybe if I had a husband it would be different?

Anyway, Bexy, how are you feeling, now? More relaxed, I hope? I'm sure it happens to us all (change, I mean).


----------



## bexy (Mar 3, 2008)

Jes said:


> It's interesting, the different types of things we hear in different environments. Perhaps it's because I'm a fat woman and don't normally engage in the 'oh, food is sinful!' talk, but I'm not sure I've ever heard a woman say: my husband will kill me if-- (add anything here. Except MAYBE bringing more stuff into the house, but that has always been a clutter thing that you'd say about a roommate or anyone you lived with). I have no doubt your colleagues say that, but maybe we run in different circles or I've just been lucky and have avoided it. I know women who feel they will kill THEMSELVES if they eat that pie, haha, but the whole 'husband' thing is rare, for me. Maybe if I had a husband it would be different?
> 
> Anyway, Bexy, how are you feeling, now? More relaxed, I hope? I'm sure it happens to us all (change, I mean).



*hey jes. yeah im calming down a wee bit now. dont know what got into me there. im still very nervous of it happening but being more realistic and realising 100lbs isnt going to creep up on me overnight, and when i do notice a change in how my clothes fit or what the scales say i can do something about it if need be. im not saying i will diet, NEVER! but ya know, keep a handle on it so to speak, just to make sure i stay around the weight im happiest at. *


----------



## TallFatSue (Mar 4, 2008)

Jes said:


> It's interesting, the different types of things we hear in different environments. Perhaps it's because I'm a fat woman and don't normally engage in the 'oh, food is sinful!' talk, but I'm not sure I've ever heard a woman say: my husband will kill me if-- (add anything here. Except MAYBE bringing more stuff into the house, but that has always been a clutter thing that you'd say about a roommate or anyone you lived with). I have no doubt your colleagues say that, but maybe we run in different circles or I've just been lucky and have avoided it. I know women who feel they will kill THEMSELVES if they eat that pie, haha, but the whole 'husband' thing is rare, for me. Maybe if I had a husband it would be different?


Hey, don't put words into my or their mouths! I wrote that my colleagues said "their husbands would be upset if they gained any weight", NOT that their husbands would kill them if--. 

On the other hand, we've heard stories a-plenty about men who threatened to leave their wives or girlfriends if they gained any weight. Weight does seem to be a major control issue in many cases, which may be why some people try to avoid weight gain at all costs, even to the point of literally killing themselves as an unintended consequence. 

Come to think of it, maybe my colleagues are right. Maybe I am lucky that my husband "doesn't care" how fat I am. Of course I like to think it's in the sense that he loves me first and my packaging second. :smitten:


----------



## TraciJo67 (Mar 4, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> Hey, don't put words into my or their mouths! I wrote that my colleagues said "their husbands would be upset if they gained any weight", NOT that their husbands would kill them if--.
> 
> On the other hand, we've heard stories a-plenty about men who threatened to leave their wives or girlfriends if they gained any weight. Weight does seem to be a major control issue in many cases, which may be why some people try to avoid weight gain at all costs, even to the point of literally killing themselves as an unintended consequence.
> 
> Come to think of it, maybe my colleagues are right. Maybe I am lucky that my husband "doesn't care" how fat I am. Of course I like to think it's in the sense that he loves me first and my packaging second. :smitten:



Sue, I don't have one friend who appears worried about how her husband would feel if she puts on weight. That kind of concern is, let's face it ... rather vapid. It's unseemly, to put it mildly. I'd be concerned for my friends' fragile self-esteem, would they voice such a fear. And I'd be upset at how shallow her husband is. And it certainly doesn't seem to be an appropriate topic of conversation amongst coworkers. From what you've shared, if I were at the business end of such conversation, I'd be wondering if my coworkers were being intentionally passive-aggressive with me, and if so, why. 

The first time someone told me that I'm "lucky" because my husband doesn't care about my appearance ... would be the last. Coz said harpy would get a verbal bitch slap that would leave marks


----------



## TallFatSue (Mar 4, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> The first time someone told me that I'm "lucky" because my husband doesn't care about my appearance ... would be the last. Coz said harpy would get a verbal bitch slap that would leave marks


Right you are! Hence my remark: "Fat women rule, thin women drool." I probably "shouldn't" have said it, but I'm soooo glad I did!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 4, 2008)

*cyber slaps them hoes for Sue...and good!*


----------



## love dubh (Mar 4, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> *hey jes. yeah im calming down a wee bit now. dont know what got into me there. im still very nervous of it happening but being more realistic and realising 100lbs isnt going to creep up on me overnight, and when i do notice a change in how my clothes fit or what the scales say i can do something about it if need be. im not saying i will diet, NEVER! but ya know, keep a handle on it so to speak, just to make sure i stay around the weight im happiest at. *



I'm going to get flamed for this, but why wait until "something" happens? Why not begin an exercise/strength training regimen now? That would "keep a handle of it," and get you into a routine. Not to lose weight (if that isn't your goal), but to improve endurance, flexibility, and strength. Make fitness non-negotiable - pencil it into your calender like any doctor's appointment. If anything, you can flex your biceps and invite people to the gun show.

You don't need to be running 5k a day, or doing 150lb bench presses, but the benefits of physical activity are irrefutable - in fact, without any drastic change in body fat percentage, weight, or composition, one study showed women reporting positive body consciousness from following an aerobic and anaerobic fitness plan.

Prevention is the best medicine!


----------



## love dubh (Mar 4, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> I quickly ordered another triple-chocolate dessert -- with 3 forks -- and cut it into 3 slivers for the other women to share, thereby letting them enjoy some dessert without major diet sabotage.



That's such common sense. Why didn't the divas think of that amongst themselves instead of lamenting their exclusion? You don't work with the brightest crayons, Sue!


----------



## Red (Mar 5, 2008)

love dubh said:


> I'm going to get flamed for this, but why wait until "something" happens? Why not begin an exercise/strength training regimen now? That would "keep a handle of it," and get you into a routine. Not to lose weight (if that isn't your goal), but to improve endurance, flexibility, and strength. Make fitness non-negotiable - pencil it into your calender like any doctor's appointment. If anything, you can flex your biceps and invite people to the gun show.
> 
> You don't need to be running 5k a day, or doing 150lb bench presses, but the benefits of physical activity are irrefutable - in fact, without any drastic change in body fat percentage, weight, or composition, one study showed women reporting positive body consciousness from following an aerobic and anaerobic fitness plan.
> 
> Prevention is the best medicine!





Sound advice, from someone who knows their stuff.


----------



## bexy (Mar 5, 2008)

love dubh said:


> I'm going to get flamed for this, but why wait until "something" happens? Why not begin an exercise/strength training regimen now? That would "keep a handle of it," and get you into a routine. Not to lose weight (if that isn't your goal), but to improve endurance, flexibility, and strength. Make fitness non-negotiable - pencil it into your calender like any doctor's appointment. If anything, you can flex your biceps and invite people to the gun show.
> 
> You don't need to be running 5k a day, or doing 150lb bench presses, but the benefits of physical activity are irrefutable - in fact, without any drastic change in body fat percentage, weight, or composition, one study showed women reporting positive body consciousness from following an aerobic and anaerobic fitness plan.
> 
> Prevention is the best medicine!




*no flaming, its a good point!!

see the thing is at the minute whatever im doing seems to be enough to maintain my weight. i never go up or down by more than 5 or 6 lbs. i walk and cycle, and dance a lot lol. but then i eat a lot too.

im scared that time and age will mean i get to a point though when this wont be enough to maintain and i will have to up the anty so to speak.*


----------



## ashmamma84 (Mar 5, 2008)

love dubh said:


> I'm going to get flamed for this, but why wait until "something" happens? Why not begin an exercise/strength training regimen now? That would "keep a handle of it," and get you into a routine. Not to lose weight (if that isn't your goal), but to improve endurance, flexibility, and strength. Make fitness non-negotiable - pencil it into your calender like any doctor's appointment. If anything, you can flex your biceps and invite people to the gun show.
> 
> You don't need to be running 5k a day, or doing 150lb bench presses, but the benefits of physical activity are irrefutable - in fact, without any drastic change in body fat percentage, weight, or composition, one study showed women reporting positive body consciousness from following an aerobic and anaerobic fitness plan.
> 
> Prevention is the best medicine!



Precisely. 

I workout almost everyday...and I'm still a fatty, who can do pretty amazing things with her bod and to be really honest, it just feels good. I feel so much better when my ass is in motion. I, too, believe in being proactive about the situation cause if you don't use, you will lose it! ...at least in my mind.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Mar 5, 2008)

You are right.

Everyone no matter what his or her size should be doing aerobic exercise and weight training each day.


----------



## Jes (Mar 5, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> Hey, don't put words into my or their mouths! I wrote that my colleagues said "their husbands would be upset if they gained any weight", NOT that their husbands would kill them if--.
> 
> :



so noted--I wasn't trying to change your words, Sue, it was just my poor memory in action. I guess I haven't heard anyone say any of that (in life as we know it. At Dims, it's a whole other story) but again, I think some of that may be because I myself am fat.


----------



## Heavy_Cream (Mar 6, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> As a certified wise ass, sometimes I put my foot in my mouth. Some women I work with are always on diets. Several of us from the office went out to lunch on Friday to celebrate landing a big account, and I heartily enjoyed the meal. When I ordered the triple-chocolate desert, those same women commiserated that the desserts looked soooo good, but they'd better not order any. They're really watching their figures, ya know, because their husbands would be upset if they gained any weight, and oh Sue is so lucky that her husband doesn't care. Huh? What's that supposed to mean?
> 
> Anyway my dessert arrived and a chorus of "mmmm" was heard around the table. Without really thinking, I said, "Fat women rule, thin women drool." I probably shouldn't have said that. :doh:
> 
> But that dessert sure was good! :eat2:



---Hi Sue. I can see that when someone said this: "Sue is so lucky that her husband doesn't care.", that you can take that two ways, but to me, it sounds like she was trying to give you a compliment. It probably just simply meant they all wished they had husbands or boyfriends who didn't care what weight they are, that's all, and they're envious of you because you have a man like that. I don't think she was trying to insult you or put you down...and she probably would have said the exact-same thing to a skinny woman who was having a piece of rich dessert.


----------



## TallFatSue (Mar 6, 2008)

Heavy_Cream said:


> ---Hi Sue. I can see that when someone said this: "Sue is so lucky that her husband doesn't care.", that you can take that two ways, but to me, it sounds like she was trying to give you a compliment. It probably just simply meant they all wished they had husbands or boyfriends who didn't care what weight they are, that's all, and they're envious of you because you have a man like that. I don't think she was trying to insult you or put you down...and she probably would have said the exact-same thing to a skinny woman who was having a piece of rich dessert.


Yes indeedy, and all of us have agreed to interpret her remark as a poorly-worded compliment, and my wisecrack as a misfired joke. But this sure wasn't the first time they've commented about my size, and sometimes it's been in the context of "thank goodness I'll never be as fat as Sue is." Amazingly, rather than blowing up in my face, the net result from this little episode was a surprisingly positive hat-trick for all concerned.

1. I told my subordinates how I felt about diet talk. 
2. They had the pleasure of watching me shoot myself in the foot in front of my boss. 
3. My boss and a few other company bigwigs were impressed to see me tap-dance my way out of a potential minefield, and restore office comeraderie with an absolutely perfect peace offering. 

Sometimes I say that when life gives us lemons, we should think higher and make lemon meringue pie. This time I practically slipped on a banana peel and made banana cream pie! The mood in the office this week is very upbeat because we've cleared the air and started with a clean slate, but maybe I'd better take my staff out to lunch a few more times just to be sure. Obesity has its fringe benefits. :eat2:

This episode also shows how weight can be a major hot-button issue, with its stigma of control or loss of control.


----------



## Tad (Mar 6, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> Amazingly, rather than blowing up in my face, the net result from this little episode was a surprisingly positive hat-trick for all concerned.



I have to spread around more before giving it to you again, as usual. But yah, you rock!


----------



## knottyknicky (Mar 6, 2008)

I always jump into these topics way too late, so I never have any good input to add...but I wanted to say that, at the very least, I know exactly how the OP feels. Even though I've recently come to really accept myself and my weight, I subconsciously put a cap on it...I'm happy with my body exactly as is, _but I don't want to get any bigger_. At 5'1", and approaching 300 lbs, I'm a BIG girl. Compared to some of the SSBBWs I know, however, I'm a tiny little thing. Its a weird place to be, mentally. I decided a while back that I wanted to begin working on my health, taking the focus off of weight loss and onto other numbers, like my cholesterol, glucose tolerance, blood pressure. I have a strong desire to get in better physical shape, and admittedly, I'd love to lose 50 pounds or so. I don't want to _not_ be a bbw, but I don't want to outgrow the clothes at my favorite stores, either...and I fear sometimes that a side-effect of my recently found confidence might mean I will finally pass that 300lb mark, and I really don't want to do that, not at my height, and not with the genetics I've got (diabetes, especially). Its frustrating...I have my 'fat politics' and I don't buy into the notion that thin=healthy, yet I'm finding myself stepping back from this near-revolution and going "am I sure I'm doing the right thing?" I'm frustrated because my past tells me to just cut out bread/fat/calories/etc and go to the gym 6 nights a week, but this other, new part of me poo-poos diets and gyms (and rightfully so)...but doesn't know how else to go about getting in shape AS a BBW, not trying to change my actual BBW status.


----------



## Tad (Mar 6, 2008)

If you took physics in high school you might remember that for a given quantity of a gas pressure x volume / temperature was a constant value. (if you double the absolute temperature, you either need to double the volume, or double the pressure, or some combination of those two factors, for example).

For whatever reason--probably because I'm a nerd--I think of this with regard to weight, lifestyle, and age. So that weight x lifestyle/ age-factor is a constant. (Not literal age, some mysterious fudge-factor which gets bigger as we get older, but is not the same as our actual age). So as you get older, if you keep the same lifestyle, your weight will slowly go up, on average. If you want to keep the same weight over the years, you have to change your lifestyle to one less fat tolerant. The effect is a long term one, weight may actually change in jumps not smooth gradual shifts, but I think over say a decade, it holds pretty true.

I think we all like to believe that age isn't affecting us much, but generally from about age 18 on, this is the way it goes. So if you are really sure you don't want to get fatter, then you should be planning on slowly getting a little more rigorous about how you lead your life, being a little more careful about food, finding more spots for exercise, and so on. The good news is that if your weight is stable now, you only have to make steady incremental changes to your lifestyle in order to continue to be about stable, probably.

Just my way of looking at this.

-Ed


----------



## bigirlover (Mar 6, 2008)

...I really just think so what?! Not in that oh I don't give a damn. It's like okay, so you've accepted yourself as a BBW and now since you don't care about losing weight you're scared you'll just totally blow up now. Well, if you do you do. Accepting yourself the way you are is great, but you're gonna get older and you won't look the same as you do now (age wise). And there's nothing stopping that. I'm just saying you put on 30, 50 75 pounds :shocked: , that's just the way it's gonna be. Big deal. It should be even easier now accepting that.  Maybe I'm bias because I love gaining women, but that's me.


----------



## Wagimawr (Mar 6, 2008)

Definitely biased.

As an FA who's not particularly fat, I know it's easy to say "oh, just be fat, it looks good on ya anyway" and *nudge nudge wink wink*, etc.

The reality is that sometimes there are valid concerns; some can put on weight and never think twice about it, and some can put on weight and rapidly find themselves in a precarious position with their health. 

The flip-side of acceptance is respect - everybody's different and should be respected as such.

edit: Don't get me wrong. I understand the way you feel.

I'm a(n?) FA, I know how sexy fat is (my god, is it EVER hot). I know how tempting it is to say "everybody should be fat, because it looks so damn good" (when in reality by "everybody" you mean "all [insert preferred gender here]" and by "because it looks so damn good" you mean "it makes me so damn horny") - I've been there, I've had to fight down the kneejerk "no, don't!" reaction to the statement "I think I need to lose a few pounds". It's especially easy to feel that way when you hang around places like the Dims paysite board, or Curvage, or Fantasy Feeder, or Fat Forums, where the majority of the women are fat and/or getting fatter.

The reality is, fat ISN'T for everyone (*tear* as sad as that is for my horndog self to admit to ), and saying "big deal" about something that is, for many people, a literal "big deal" is most DEFINITELY a biased reaction.

One I understand, however.


----------



## Heavy_Cream (Mar 7, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> Yes indeedy, and all of us have agreed to interpret her remark as a poorly-worded compliment, and my wisecrack as a misfired joke. But this sure wasn't the first time they've commented about my size, and sometimes it's been in the context of "thank goodness I'll never be as fat as Sue is." Amazingly, rather than blowing up in my face, the net result from this little episode was a surprisingly positive hat-trick for all concerned.
> 
> 1. I told my subordinates how I felt about diet talk.
> 2. They had the pleasure of watching me shoot myself in the foot in front of my boss.
> ...



---Sue...you said, "But this sure wasn't the first time they've commented about my size, and sometimes it's been in the context of 'thank goodness I'll never be as fat as Sue is.'"

I am very sorry about that, Sue. That is very vile of them to say, obviously...how awful. 


I don't understand how so many adults can act like that...no better than grade-school bullies.


----------



## Jon Blaze (Mar 7, 2008)

love dubh said:


> I'm going to get flamed for this, but why wait until "something" happens? Why not begin an exercise/strength training regimen now? That would "keep a handle of it," and get you into a routine. Not to lose weight (if that isn't your goal), but to improve endurance, flexibility, and strength. Make fitness non-negotiable - pencil it into your calender like any doctor's appointment. If anything, you can flex your biceps and invite people to the gun show.
> 
> You don't need to be running 5k a day, or doing 150lb bench presses, but the benefits of physical activity are irrefutable - in fact, without any drastic change in body fat percentage, weight, or composition, one study showed women reporting positive body consciousness from following an aerobic and anaerobic fitness plan.
> 
> Prevention is the best medicine!



Why get flamed for that? It's effin Health at every size mannnnn!


----------



## Jon Blaze (Mar 7, 2008)

I think the general consensus here (And I agree with this) is that it's not so much that you are "Scared of putting on weight," but that you want control.

Firstly- Exercise for the sake of exercising. It's good for you intrinsically (Minus overtraining... that does not help). People of all sizes can focus on fitness. Look for maintenance of your abilities (Strength, power, endurance, flexibility, coordination, balance, agility- The BIG 7!!  ), or increases if you wish. You don't have to focus on weight if you don't want to, but you know... easier reps, longer runs, stronger muscles, et cetera. Those are the most important things (The most important of all being cardiorespiratory endurance), and anyone can focus on them.

Research "Health at every size." The general consensus of it isn't that (Hypothetically) where you are at any given moment is where you're destined to be forever, but that if you have a healthy relationship with your body and engage with the concepts it advocates (Exercise, lower stress, and so forth), then over time you will find out where you body wants to be (i.e. "Setpoint"). Some say that you can't really focus on the others around you relative to yourself, but in either case: It's basically "Uncapped" in regards to the activities you do. Anything from Aerobics to Yoga.

For example: When I run, rarely am I looking for a certain time. I always try to keep running the whole way through whether it's 1/2 a mile or 6. That's always my goal. Right now I have to look for time because of the URRR Force , but when I get settled: I'm going back to my old ways again.

Lifestyle is always just going to be one piece to the whole equation. Some people can exercise control with it, and others may not. It's a very complex thing, and the body is a very complex machine as well.

You may never change in weight, but can you change your build with more muscle for example? Why yes.  I remember that Paul Campos in his book said that fat people don't have to lose weight for health, but all would benefit from the addition of a few pounds of muscle. Nothing wrong with that in my book.

The other piece: The view. Even if you do become disenfranchised about your weight if it changes, you as a person are not worthy/less worthy because of that. Weight at pretty much any end of the scale is a "Symptom," and not a disorder. What you're doing is far more important, but keeping your eye on it isn't bad juju or anything.  

You might be experiencing something if say, over a period of five years your lifestyle hasn't changed, but you've suddenly gained/lost 50 pounds in a short period. Being concerned with something like that is not wrong in any way, shape, or form.


----------



## TallFatSue (Mar 7, 2008)

Heavy_Cream said:


> ---Sue...you said, "But this sure wasn't the first time they've commented about my size, and sometimes it's been in the context of 'thank goodness I'll never be as fat as Sue is.'"
> 
> I am very sorry about that, Sue. That is very vile of them to say, obviously...how awful.
> 
> ...


That's because some adults never really grow up. So I can either get upset when they behave like this, or I can consider the source, roll my eyes and just let it roll off my back, with an occasional well-placed bitch slap. Little do the bullies realize that they sometimes do me a favor by tipping their cards when they behave like this. I can size them up pretty easily.

Men can also be major horse's asses. A few years ago I was using the photocopier and I heard some guys verbally sparring with each other, but then they made the mistake of dragging my name into it when I was in earshot.

Idiot 1: "Wow that's quite a gut you've put on."
Idiot 2: "Well, I've got a long way to go until I'm as fat as Sue is."
Sue (poking her head around the corner): "You've got a long way to go until you measure up to me in general." 
Idiot 1 and Idiot 2: (complete silence)
Sue: "By the way, I can tell that a man just used the copier. He left the lid up."


----------



## Jes (Mar 7, 2008)

bigirlover said:


> ...I really just think so what?! Not in that oh I don't give a damn. It's like okay, so you've accepted yourself as a BBW and now since you don't care about losing weight you're scared you'll just totally blow up now. Well, if you do you do. Accepting yourself the way you are is great, but you're gonna get older and you won't look the same as you do now (age wise). And there's nothing stopping that. I'm just saying you put on 30, 50 75 pounds :shocked: , that's just the way it's gonna be. Big deal. It should be even easier now accepting that.  Maybe I'm bias because I love gaining women, but that's me.



I think there's a big difference in trying not to do something you don't want to do (whatever it is) and accepting yourself if it ends up happening anyway. You can lose a job you're trying to fight to keep, but once it happens, it's smart to accept it and yourself and move on. That can't be construed as wanting to lose that job or being happy (or even content) to lose that job.

I'm all for self-acceptance, but we all have preferences. Yours is for gaining women. The OP (and others here) is for not getting any bigger. I think this is an extremely valid concern. Mobility is a precious precious thing. At the end of the day, we have to be able to use our bodies to get us through our days and through our lives. I understand being concerned about preserving that. It has nothing to do with acceptance and everything to do with personal boundaries and preferences.

Try to imagine something that is for you like weight gain is for the OP, whatever it is, and I think you'll see very quickly what I'm talking about.


----------



## Jon Blaze (Mar 7, 2008)

bigirlover said:


> ...I really just think so what?! Not in that oh I don't give a damn. It's like okay, so you've accepted yourself as a BBW and now since you don't care about losing weight you're scared you'll just totally blow up now. Well, if you do you do. Accepting yourself the way you are is great, but you're gonna get older and you won't look the same as you do now (age wise). And there's nothing stopping that. I'm just saying you put on 30, 50 75 pounds :shocked: , that's just the way it's gonna be. Big deal. It should be even easier now accepting that.  Maybe I'm bias because I love gaining women, but that's me.



I agree with Wag, and I have to add: We all respond differently to age and lifestyle factors. The human body is a very complex thing. Some people do gain weight as time goes by, but others don't. Some even get smaller.

I know when I went through puberty, I didn't gain weight. I lost 20-40 pounds, and I grew 8 inches in a few years. Hardly what I wanted because I lost a lot of my abilities (Like my impressive squat  ), but I have been fluctuating for the last four years. My weight is on the higher end currently (The 160s range), but my habits haven't changed much, and I don't know if it's because I'm putting on muscle or whatever else.

That's just one story among a million. There's no objective way in which things happen. Metabolism wanes with age, but that doesn't mean someone is automatically going to put on weight.


----------



## Heavy_Cream (Mar 8, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> That's because some adults never really grow up. So I can either get upset when they behave like this, or I can consider the source, roll my eyes and just let it roll off my back, with an occasional well-placed bitch slap. Little do the bullies realize that they sometimes do me a favor by tipping their cards when they behave like this. I can size them up pretty easily.
> 
> Men can also be major horse's asses. A few years ago I was using the photocopier and I heard some guys verbally sparring with each other, but then they made the mistake of dragging my name into it when I was in earshot.
> 
> ...



----Awwww Sue, that story is just horrible. I do love your humor and wonderful quick-wit...but...man. I wanted to laugh at your hilarious copier joke but was too saddened with what that louse said. What awful character that guy had to say such a thing. I hope he at least apologized to you about it, later. I know nasty comments aren't the end of the world or anything, but I still don't see how people can be so incredibly insensitive. Why do people even care so much if someone is big or not, to the point that they are compelled to comment out loud about it? I wish anyone here who has studied psychology could explain to me why some people just love to put others down who never did anything bad to them, because I don't see what they gain from doing it.

You're very cool, Sue...I'm sorry people have been so mean to you.


----------



## Fascinita (Mar 9, 2008)

bigirlover said:


> ...I really just think so what?! Not in that oh I don't give a damn. It's like okay, so you've accepted yourself as a BBW and now since you don't care about losing weight you're scared you'll just totally blow up now. Well, if you do you do. Accepting yourself the way you are is great, but you're gonna get older and you won't look the same as you do now (age wise). And there's nothing stopping that. I'm just saying you put on 30, 50 75 pounds :shocked: , that's just the way it's gonna be. Big deal. It should be even easier now accepting that.  Maybe I'm bias because I love gaining women, but that's me.



She's accepted herself and is one of the sexiest people on this board. She revels in her fat body and is not ashamed to show it off. But she feels she is at her optimum weight now. Yes, it does sound a little like you're looking at this using the criterion of "gaining is good because it makes me horny." Is that in Bexy's best interest, I wonder?


----------

