# Relationships with NON-FA



## Emma (Oct 1, 2006)

I've been thinking about things recently, a lot. I came out of a relationship a few months back, went back to another ex on a rebound but ended that soon after. Now although I'm not really ready to get straight into another relationship (though if I met the right guy who knows?) I'm finding it very hard to meet FA that are my type. I was actually told by an FA the other day 'that there's loads of FA and not many bbw in this country so I should easily find a boyfriend) but he seemed to overlook the fact that although theres lots of FA theres not many that are my type.
So thats the problem. I'm found attractive by non-fa types but I fear sleeping with them. I also fear meeting people from the net who aren't FA because I'm scared they'll take one look at me and think I'm too fat. I find my body attractive, I love being with an FA but my type is my type and there doesn't seem to be too many guys that are my type that are FA. So maybe the solution is going with non-fa, or at least trying to. lol But what is it like? I've not been with one since I was about 8 stone lighter, and even then they'd avoid my belly and all my wobbly bits. lol Damn me for seemingly going through all the long haired rocker FA in the country hahahahah


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## Miss Vickie (Oct 1, 2006)

Burtimus isn't a FA. And let me tell you, he adores me -- head to toe, inside and out, and has for the last 25 years (has it been THAT long??). He loved me as a 16 year old who thought she was "grossly fat" at 180. He loved me as a 40 year old fat woman who weighed over 300 pounds and who was desperately unhappy with her size. And he loves me now that I'm closer to my high school weight. I've never felt the need to apologize to him for my size, or try to be a certain size for him whatsoever. He loves me for me, and my weight is just a part of who I am.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 1, 2006)

^^ good post Vicki and helps the point I want to make to Em


I understand your insecurities, Em. To be honest with you, I have always been "chubby to fat" of varying degrees since the age of 13. To my surprise, I was never a "wallflower" due to my weight. There always seemed to be certain males that just liked me, and they all just happen to be "normal to thin" in weight. 
Until I hit dimensions chat back in July, I really had no clue there were so many "fat admirers" in the world- I just knew that some men "didnt mind" heavier women. 
I can recall some guys that seemed to always date the chubby girls in school - but then again all those girls also had big breasts, like myself, and this led me to believe that they just liked "top heavy" women. Part of me always thought that they just liked my face and breasts and somehow managed to ignore the rest of me. I hate to say that my low self esteem made me feel somewhat "grateful" about this. 
I married a guy at age 19, after marriage he expressed dissatisfaction at my lower body with a look and told me that he "accepted me" but would prefer I lost weight. That marriage didnt last long.
I then went through many dates/boyfriends in the next year and half. It was as though every guy that asked me out or showed interest in me was "affirmation" that I wasnt the hideous being I saw in my mind's eye. 
It was during this time that I met my second husband. The one thing that stood out about him from other men was that I knew he had dated women of many sizes (thin to super-sized). I never felt unattractive in his presence and that allowed me a freedom of some sort in that relationship. To some degree, I felt fully accepted by him. He was my first orgasm too because I felt relaxed enough during sex with him to finally be able to enjoy it.
That marriage lasted almost 14 years and in that time I saw a counselor to help me deal with issues from childhood abuse and neglect. It gave me the confidence to leave what had been an abusive/co-dependent relationship with my husband. My image of self-worth has been steadily climbing and this is the happiest I have been since my early childhood. I dont care that I weigh over 200 pds now- I still feel attractive and "worthy" of all the good things to be found in this world. I also feel worthy of love and acceptance just how I am - and dont feel obligated to be "grateful" to the extreme for it.

Do you date men for body size/type or do you prefer there be more to them than flesh and bone? Isn't an air of confidence or a kind heart sexy? I suspect it is/can be the same for men. 
Perhaps you should concentrate more effort onto going out to make new friends and having fun. Stop worrying over who finds you physically attractive and who doesnt. 

You will never find anyone to love and accept you if you first cant do it for yourself. A man will love you for how you are Em, not your size. Bodies come in all sizes and types but there is only one Em. Find her and embrace her.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 1, 2006)

As I have posted in the past, I used to frequent a childfree by choice message board. One poster suggested a CFC convention, and the moderator said it wouldn't work for the same reason that it wouldn't work to have a convention of customers that all bought the same brand of shampoo. You only have one thing in common.

Dating somebody because they look a certain way, or conversely, looking for somebody who wants to date you because of how you look is very likely to cause problems. I had a guy dump me a while back, and my friend said "Why did you expect it to work? The only reason you got together is because you like love handles and he had them. You had nothing else in common." A sexual preference doesn't make a very good basis for a relationship. It may be a basis for great sex, but what happens out of bed? 

I can understand if you have a fetish to the point where you simply must have a partner of a certain size because you can not become aroused otherwise, but beyond that, I've come to see you can't create a real relationship with somebody based on the fact that your body type turns them on.


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## Lexi (Oct 1, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> I've been thinking about things recently, a lot. I came out of a relationship a few months back, went back to another ex on a rebound but ended that soon after. Now although I'm not really ready to get straight into another relationship (though if I met the right guy who knows?) I'm finding it very hard to meet FA that are my type. I was actually told by an FA the other day 'that there's loads of FA and not many bbw in this country so I should easily find a boyfriend) but he seemed to overlook the fact that although theres lots of FA theres not many that are my type.
> So thats the problem. I'm found attractive by non-fa types but I fear sleeping with them. I also fear meeting people from the net who aren't FA because I'm scared they'll take one look at me and think I'm too fat. I find my body attractive, I love being with an FA but my type is my type and there doesn't seem to be too many guys that are my type that are FA. So maybe the solution is going with non-fa, or at least trying to. lol But what is it like? I've not been with one since I was about 8 stone lighter, and even then they'd avoid my belly and all my wobbly bits. lol Damn me for seemingly going through all the long haired rocker FA in the country hahahahah




Hey Em

I was just talking to a girlfriend about this the other evening. I have been in mostly relationships with Non FA's. However I was in one or two with FA's. The ones with FA's always were disasterous.I found that I had to live up to what their vision of a Fat Lady was and not my own. With a non FA it has always been easier for mne because if they were with me then it was because they genuinly liked who I was. I am married to Ciar who is not an FA. We have been together now for 5 years and are very happy. Yeah


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 1, 2006)

to be honest......... Attraction is the first thing we have when we look at someone... getting to know them is what makes us love them.

I am not saying attraction means the person has to be goodlooking its something that you feel when you look at them it can be anything that makes u physically attracted to them.... 

Im sorry but for me I want physical & emotional attraction...


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## AnnMarie (Oct 1, 2006)

LoveBHMS said:


> I had a guy dump me a while back, and my friend said "Why did you expect it to work? The only reason you got together is because you like love handles and he had them. You had nothing else in common." A sexual preference doesn't make a very good basis for a relationship. It may be a basis for great sex, but what happens out of bed?



Well, I have to agree with your friend. If you have nothing in common beyond the attraction, there is no reason in the world to be with that person. 

I'm sick to death of people assuming that a "REAL" FA is just a person who's only interested in fat on their partner, and not a cool, fun, intelligent, sensitive, articulate, driven, sensual partner who also happens to be a hot fatty. It's insulting to those of us who date FAs to assume we'd settle for that level of interest alone, and it's extremely insulting to the wonderful FAs who are in our midst who value the women here on multiple levels.

What people seem to miss about being with an FA is that the attraction on his part, assuming there is also some from you back to him, is only one very small part of the equation. Once you establish you're in to each other, you have a long way to go to see if there is substance between you beyond that. 

I think that's exactly what Em is saying, only the other way around. She can find guys who are into HER physically, but they're not doing much for her in terms of the kinds of guys that get her motor going. She wants to hold out for "her" type, but is concerned about not getting the full FA treatment that she wants and needs. I totally understand that, and I also understand that there are a ton of women out there (and even here on this board) who don't understand that, maybe even who don't WANT to understand that feeling.

Em, my advice to you is to hang in there and take every guy at face value. Believe what they tell you with their eyes and hands, lip service is nice, but actions speak louder when it comes to lovers/body acceptance (like you said, they avoid the wobbly bits). 

There are a lot of guys who really ARE FAs, they just don't know the term or self-identify with it. If you meet a good guy that you like, see how he treats you, see if he's ok with you not fitting in a chair as well as a skinny girl. See if the girls he checks out are skinny or chunky or fat, or even all sizes, etc. See how he touches you... does he grab your arm fat to get your attention, does he rest his head on your belly, or give it a rub when he looks in your eyes? 

You know how FAs act, and that's the quality you're after. I think if you keep your eyes open to a guy who really digs you and that YOU really dig, you may find more than you'd have thought. 

And biggest thing - if you don't find it, then don't be afraid to step out and search again. You know the qualities you'd like to have, and how you want that person to make you feel. Don't let anyone treat you like you're a runner up in the babe department, or that he digs you, but man "she's" HOT! (she's smaller, in this scenario). You just don't want to stay in a relationship that fosters physical insecurity on your part - no good can come from it. 

As for the other ways we all get along, only time will tell you if those are present, but I have faith you'll find something good if you open the flood gates a little bit.  

AM


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## SoVerySoft (Oct 1, 2006)

Em, check your PMs! I noticed someone who seemed like your type...


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## GoddessNoir (Oct 2, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> I've been thinking about things recently, a lot. I came out of a relationship a few months back, went back to another ex on a rebound but ended that soon after. Now although I'm not really ready to get straight into another relationship (though if I met the right guy who knows?) I'm finding it very hard to meet FA that are my type. I was actually told by an FA the other day 'that there's loads of FA and not many bbw in this country so I should easily find a boyfriend) but he seemed to overlook the fact that although theres lots of FA theres not many that are my type.
> So thats the problem. I'm found attractive by non-fa types but I fear sleeping with them. I also fear meeting people from the net who aren't FA because I'm scared they'll take one look at me and think I'm too fat. I find my body attractive, I love being with an FA but my type is my type and there doesn't seem to be too many guys that are my type that are FA. So maybe the solution is going with non-fa, or at least trying to. lol But what is it like? I've not been with one since I was about 8 stone lighter, and even then they'd avoid my belly and all my wobbly bits. lol Damn me for seemingly going through all the long haired rocker FA in the country hahahahah



I think this is exactly where I am right now. I have normally dated men who were FAs but, I am still single. I met someone about two months ago, we actually went on our first date this evening and he isn't a FA but, he likes ME. I like him too, he's a chubby guy, not as big as I normally like them. I was thinking about the intimacy thing, if it comes to that. My body doesn't look like the bodies of women he has dated, I feel a bit weird about that. I'm not sure how this will progress since I've never been down this road but, I'm willing to give it a try.


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## Emma (Oct 2, 2006)

Thanks everyone. I'll try and reply to everyone as soon as I get back from uni as I've just woken up now and my head isn't quite normal yet. teehee.

Just two dead quick responces:

AnnMarie: YES!! You know EXACTLY where I'm coming from. haha

SoVerySoft:    :eat2: yum yum yum yum.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 2, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> There are a lot of guys who really ARE FAs, they just don't know the term or self-identify with it. If you meet a good guy that you like, see how he treats you, see if he's ok with you not fitting in a chair as well as a skinny girl. See if the girls he checks out are skinny or chunky or fat, or even all sizes, etc.* See how he touches you... does he grab your arm fat to get your attention, does he rest his head on your belly, or give it a rub when he looks in your eyes? *
> 
> You know how FAs act, and that's the quality you're after. I think if you keep your eyes open to a guy who really digs you and that YOU really dig, you may find more than you'd have thought.



Interesting post- the part that's bold- what does that indicate exactly?


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## AnnMarie (Oct 2, 2006)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Interesting post- the part that's bold- what does that indicate exactly?



They're just very small examples of ways that many of us who've dated FAs have experienced their physical comfort with our physical selves. It could be something else, those were just examples. 

Overall, the gestures are signals and affirmations that they are with you for ALL of you, not in spite of some parts. I know many fat women, many who are right here on these boards, who've never been with a partner who embraced their fat parts. They have no idea what it's like to have a loving, wonderful, fun, intelligent man who not only values you as a person, but will snuggle up to your belly, arms wrapped around you tight, and nuzzle you in a way that another man, who is not similarly inclined, just can't. 

Sure, they can do that physically, but there is this primal, close, intimate exchange between a fat girl and an FA.... it's warm and comforting, and it's often the first time the girl/woman feels whole body appreciation. It's a pretty powerful exchange when it's got all the right components in place. It's almost a moment of clarity - THIS is what it's supposed to be like, I finally get it. 

I just rambled more than explained, but hope it helped some.


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## QtPatooti (Oct 2, 2006)

SexyBBW69:
I feel the same as you... the physical attraction or chemical attraction is what gets things going, and for me without that physical attraction, the relationship will not go far. I cannot have one without the other.

Funny thing between my sister and I... when one would get serious with a man, one would ask the other "does he smell right". Which I think is something that goes back to the chemical attraction thing. We always had a laugh about it, but in reality, if he didnt smell right, we knew the relationship wouldnt last. 

AnnMarie:
You are right on about that feeling of being apprecated, adored, worshipped....by a True FA. It is an amazing feeling. It helped me build self confidence. But at the same time, to go outside of that comfortzone and date a Non FA and I am sure I wouldnt be as confident.


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## saucywench (Oct 2, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> I know many fat women, many who are right here on these boards, who've never been with a partner who embraced their fat parts. They have no idea what it's like to have a loving, wonderful, fun, intelligent man who not only values you as a person, but will snuggle up to your belly, arms wrapped around you tight, and nuzzle you in a way that another man, who is not similarly inclined, just can't.
> 
> Sure, they can do that physically, but there is this primal, close, intimate exchange between a fat girl and an FA.... it's warm and comforting, and it's often the first time the girl/woman feels whole body appreciation. It's a pretty powerful exchange when it's got all the right components in place. It's almost a moment of clarity - THIS is what it's supposed to be like, I finally get it.
> 
> I just rambled more than explained, but hope it helped some.


AM, thank you for that explanation, although it's been attempted so many times. As I've said before, I have yet to experience it, but that doesn't mean I don't realize that it exists, and it's something I hope to have one day. If I'm going to live life as a fat woman, I want all the bennies that come with it.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 2, 2006)

I have to say I only dated 2 FA's & I felt absolutely beautiful.. I love having someone adore my belly, well all my softness... but unfortunately the dating didnt go as far as a loving relationship & that is what I would love most someone to love my fatness & me.. & me loving him
grrrrrrr I have been single to long :blink:


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## Butterbelly (Oct 3, 2006)

I've dated one FA in my life. I absolutely loved having my body worshipped, but at the same time I was struggling with my own size acceptance. While I loved having my body worshipped by him, I felt like he didn't worship the true me, all of me, and just my body, although, he will claim differently. However, that being said, I have to equally credit him with allowing me to look at myself and see that I am a beautiful woman and that regardless of my size, I'm still beautiful. 

The one thing I loved about dating a FA was the way he touched my body, like it was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. 

Now that I'm engaged to a Non-FA, I do notice the differences between a FA and a Non-FA...but overall, I love my Non-FA for the respect he gives me, the attention he shows me, and the love he has for me.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 3, 2006)

Well being there is a shortness of FA's in my area who I would definatly go for
Im willing to go for non-fas or the bbw lovers as they call themselves... as long as they like what they see & me im happy


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 3, 2006)

saucywench said:



> AM, thank you for that explanation, although it's been attempted so many times. As I've said before, I have yet to experience it, but that doesn't mean I don't realize that it exists, and it's something I hope to have one day. If I'm going to live life as a fat woman, I want all the bennies that come with it.




I asked because I have experienced some of what she described- seems that my bf dont realize he's a FA  



I won't tell him :batting:


Thanks for the help, Ann Marie

I think a lot of guys just dont admit/realize it Saucy- one thing that stands out to me though as someone who has always been chubby/fat since the teens, any man that asks you out and is with you cant "mind"


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## CuteyChubb (Oct 3, 2006)

I need some clarification. Do you ask a man if he is a FA or a nonFA? If you are engaged to a non-FA, then isn't he really a FA? If a man wants to be with you and you are fat then doesn't that make him a FA? 

Now, Ann Marie explained very well what it feels like to be with a FA. Thankfully I have experienced it and it is simply wonderful. Luckily, it is with my husband. I just have no idea of the men I've been with in the past, who were FA's and who were not. I never asked them. None of them treat me the way hubby does, so does that mean none of them were? Just curious and confused.

Em, don't give up on finding that right man. There is nothing wrong with waiting for what you want. Just make sure you don't sit at home and wait for him to appear. You have to get out there and meet people.


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## Miss Vickie (Oct 3, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> I need some clarification. Do you ask a man if he is a FA or a nonFA? If you are engaged to a non-FA, then isn't he really a FA? If a man wants to.



I suppose you could ask, but when I met Burtimus I'm not even sure he was aware of the term (I sure wasn't, but it was 1981). Prior to that, he had dated women of all sizes, and during our time apart he also dated women of all sizes, although truthfully I believe that most were larger than average.

I don't think a guy dating, or marrying, a fat chick makes him a FA. FA's tend to seek out big gals; I think in Burtimus's case it was more a happy accident that we hooked up. My size has been a non issue for him, and he's been totally adoring of me, regardless of how big, or small, I got or get. But I'm pretty sure he wouldn't identify himself as a FA.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 3, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> I need some clarification. Do you ask a man if he is a FA or a nonFA? If you are engaged to a non-FA, then isn't he really a FA? If a man wants to be with you and you are fat then doesn't that make him a FA?
> 
> Now, Ann Marie explained very well what it feels like to be with a FA. Thankfully I have experienced it and it is simply wonderful. Luckily, it is with my husband. I just have no idea of the men I've been with in the past, who were FA's and who were not. I never asked them. * None of them treat me the way hubby does, so does that mean none of them were*? Just curious and confused.
> 
> Em, don't give up on finding that right man. There is nothing wrong with waiting for what you want. Just make sure you don't sit at home and wait for him to appear. You have to get out there and meet people.



That could just mean that your husband is "The One' that loves you totally- something you dont get from everyone- FA or non-FA
just my two cents....


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## Jay West Coast (Oct 3, 2006)

Ok, I just wanted to chime in here real quick since I didn't see any FA responses up here. 

I'm a guy who thinks that fat women are very beautiful. To me, it's as though God let a certain portion of us men in on a little secret: fat women are the most beautiful thing that He and Ben and Jerry have yet made...the very pinnacle of creation. So, to think that such a beautiful woman should settle for anything less is unsettling. Why should a hot, beautiful woman be with a guy that sees her as anything less? (e.g., say a Miss Universe Winner dating a guy who made her feel she's merely okay-looking).

On the other hand, there is the reality of dating. I mean I don't wear a sign over my shoulders saying "Hey fatties! I think you're all really hot! Date a guy like me! www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums ". You have to find a guy that you can connect with on a number of levels, not just on physical attraction. There are plenty of non-fat relationships where physical attraction is 90% of all there is, and they tend to be shallow, unfulfilling relationships even if they wind up married. I mean, those type folks are moving up from California all the time! 

However, physical attraction is always there. So, I'd say go for the kind of guy you want to go out with. If he responds enthusiastically, you might be his type too. If not, then no worries. Connect with somebody on a deep sub-epidermal level, and see if the physical is there too. Our biological processes are naturally made to sense out the physical side of things as it simultaneously works on everything else, whether we like it or not. 

I guess what I'm saying is that FA's are everywhere, contrary to local conception. Go out with a guy that you enjoy, and that seems to enjoy you--you just might find that he likes you the way you are. When I've dated fat girls, I haven't just gone up to them and said I wanted to talk to them because they're fat, just like you don't go up to a guy and say you like them because they're a long-haired rocker. But, instead, you probe them over time to see if they are compatible on a variety of levels. If they work on those levels, you can come back to the joy of physical attraction. You can then explain to him that you like his chiseled features, arms and soul-patch, and he'll tell you he likes your wide hips, big lower belly, and the way your hair bounces and gets caught in your eyelashes. It might not work out like that every time, but it does at the right time. 

Or in simple FA/BBW language: You can have your cake and eat it too.


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## Miss Vickie (Oct 3, 2006)

Jay, you're such an awesome young man. Your parents must be so proud of you. I hope that my daughters, regardless of what size they end up being, meet and hook up with guys as equally warm, loving and respectful as you.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Oct 3, 2006)

Great point, Jay!


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## Webmaster (Oct 5, 2006)

This is an age-old question in our community. Should fat women primarily seek potential partners in size acceptance venues, or should they simply go the conventional route and potentially face an undeserved degree of bias and rejection?

You can argue both ways. 

If the majority of the population apparently seeks a certain body type, then why torture yourself by going places where yours isn't generally considered desirable? Why take the risk of a blind date that may result in hurtful disaster? Why not simply go to a place where the playing field is level and you actually have an advantage?

On the other hand, it's been observed that folks who seek partners at size acceptance venues often tend to be a bit, shall we sat, over-enthusiastic or one-track minded. It's so new, so exciting (or, for some, even so forbidden) that the main focus is size, at times to the exclusion of anything else. You guys know who you are. 

So the choice then becomes perhaps finding someone who loves your mind but hates your body, OR finding someone who loves your body but couldn't be less interested in your mind. Unpalatable solutions, both.

The trick, of course, is balance. I've always said that the true road to happiness and eternal bliss is finding a soulmate who is also your physical ideal, so that inner and outer ideals combine. I do believe that is more likely to happen in a size acceptance venue. It can happen anywhere, of course, but why not nudge the odds a bit in your favor?


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 5, 2006)

I love the opinions of FA's...... just amazing I hope I find someone like the both of you someday :wubu:


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## Mr. 23 (Oct 5, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> If the majority of the population apparently seeks a certain body type, then why torture yourself by going places where yours isn't generally considered desirable?



That's kind of the route I took, but with one big exception. I treated the blind dates as a sheer numbers game (at least until we met). Of course, I tried to tilt that in my favor. Since many computer systems show pictures with profiles, I'd generally contact only women I thought were attractive to me, which I know to be highly subjective. I knew from the outset that I'd have to meet a lot of women to find "the one." And just because I had met HER, does not mean that she though I was "the one."

Maybe I'm cynical or cold-hearted to view it that way, but it did work. I'm now married to a woman whom I connect with on many levels.



Webmaster said:


> On the other hand, it's been observed that folks who seek partners at size acceptance venues often tend to be a bit, shall we sat, over-enthusiastic or one-track minded. It's so new, so exciting (or, for some, even so forbidden) that the main focus is size, at times to the exclusion of anything else. You guys know who you are.



As for past versions of myself, guilty as charged.

In any event, human attraction and relationships are all very complicated. Were I to find myself single again (please no!), I think I'd tend to follow the same path: meet as many women as possible and keep an open mind.


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## fatgirlflyin (Oct 5, 2006)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I asked because I have experienced some of what she described- seems that my bf dont realize he's a FA
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I dont know if its that they can't admit it or dont realize it so much as it its just what they like and dont put a label on it...


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## fatgirlflyin (Oct 5, 2006)

Jay West Coast said:


> I mean, those type folks are moving up from California all the time!




GRRRR with the California thing again! :doh: Not all of us are bad!! LOL We should move up there now just because


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 5, 2006)

hmm funny just today I get a msg not on here from a great looking guy who is totally my type... but never been with a big girl & thought I was sexy & did something to him (gee what could that be??) & was wondering what it would be like to be with a big girl.. so of course my reply was what are your wondering about..let me guess 

lol sorry I just had to post this.. basically I get this alot

what are your thoughts?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 5, 2006)

Ella Bella said:


> I dont know if its that they can't admit it or dont realize it so much as it its just what they like and dont put a label on it...



That's a great point


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## rainyday (Oct 6, 2006)

Ella Bella said:


> GRRRR with the California thing again! :doh: Not all of us are bad!! LOL We should move up there now just because


Maybe what he means is that the good ones stay in California and it's just the few nutters who move north. In that case, lucky you!


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## fatgirlflyin (Oct 6, 2006)

rainyday said:


> Maybe what he means is that the good ones stay in California and it's just the few nutters who move north. In that case, lucky you!




lmao no, we've got nuts to spare


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## moonvine (Oct 9, 2006)

Jay West Coast said:


> I'm a guy who thinks that fat women are very beautiful. To me, it's as though God let a certain portion of us men in on a little secret: fat women are the most beautiful thing that He and Ben and Jerry have yet made...the very pinnacle of creation. So, to think that such a beautiful woman should settle for anything less is unsettling. Why should a hot, beautiful woman be with a guy that sees her as anything less? (e.g., say a Miss Universe Winner dating a guy who made her feel she's merely okay-looking).



Jay, Jay. Y'all FA's just do not seem to get it. There's another post you wrote recently that references the 1 out of 10 men being FA's number. I've not ever seen where this number came from, and I have no idea if it is accurate, but for the sake of argument let's say that it is. Let's even say that 100% of the 1 out of 10 number are open about their preference, which I am pretty sure is untrue. So that's 10% of the male population as out of the closet, 100% secure and confident FA's. Yay! Well, not so much, considering that something like 6 out of 10 women are fat. Which leaves an awful lot of fat women either alone for life, or settling, barring other arrangements such as polygamy. I failed in my goal to get a date in the last calendar year, let alone a relationship.

I'm about to give up looking just because it is so humiliating when you can't even get a date, and when men don't even talk to you or notice you in any sort of "male/female" way. *bangs head against wall*.

So, that's why fat women settle. It is a numbers game, and the numbers are not on our side. That's just reality.


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## CuteyChubb (Oct 9, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> hmm funny just today I get a msg not on here from a great looking guy who is totally my type... but never been with a big girl & thought I was sexy & did something to him (gee what could that be??) & was wondering what it would be like to be with a big girl.. so of course my reply was what are your wondering about..let me guess
> 
> lol sorry I just had to post this.. basically I get this alot
> 
> what are your thoughts?



My thoughts:

I used to hate tomatoes, except cooked in italian meals. The other day, for some reason, I had an urge to eat one of the cherry tomatoes in my salad. Guess what? It was yum. I couldn't believe all the years I thought I hated them. 

Sometimes people think they don't like something when they really haven't even tried it.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 9, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> Sometimes people think they don't like something when they really haven't even tried it.


 
hmmm very well put thank you..& I bet if he did he wouldnt go back hehe


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## BigBeautifulMe (Oct 9, 2006)

This is a fascinating topic... and something I've been struggling with on the other side.

Back home (I'm at school now), there is a very patient, very sweet BHM waiting to go out with me again. We met over the summer and went out several times, and things got mildly sexual. At first, I wasn't attracted to him, and then late in the first date, I *was.* But on the second date (and third and fourth and fifth and sixth), I just wasn't. I kept trying to recapture it, but couldn't. 

He's everything I could ever want in every other way. He's sweet, kind, generous, thoughtful, great with kids, an amazing cook, and he absolutely adores me. I think what I found physically attractive on the first date with him was how physically attractive he found me - if that makes sense. 

I really did a lot of soul-searching over this, and in the end I ended up breaking things off with him, because I thought if it wasn't there, it wasn't there. He was really hurt by it, and we didn't talk for the rest of the summer.

When I get back to school, he IMs me and says that he wasn't fully open with me, that he had just gotten over another relationship and wasn't being totally himself, and wants to go out with me again.

I really want to give it another chance, because I do really like him (even if I'm not attracted to him), so I say yes - if we can get together as friends. No strings. Because I DON'T want to break this man's heart. 

I feel like I'm so amazingly superficial - here I've found the perfect guy, and because of something as superficial as this, I'm considering letting him go. I must be an idiot.  I would really appreciate thoughts/advice.


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## SoVerySoft (Oct 9, 2006)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> This is a fascinating topic... and something I've been struggling with on the other side.
> 
> Back home (I'm at school now), there is a very patient, very sweet BHM waiting to go out with me again. We met over the summer and went out several times, and things got mildly sexual. At first, I wasn't attracted to him, and then late in the first date, I *was.* But on the second date (and third and fourth and fifth and sixth), I just wasn't. I kept trying to recapture it, but couldn't.
> 
> ...




I don't think it is superficial at all. Sexual chemistry is extremely important. If it's not there, it's not there. 

I think it is possible that you can get to know each other and maybe even love each other and determine that it's less important to you than you thought - but the reality is, he deserves someone who can lust for him, the way he lusts for you.

I know I wouldn't settle for less.


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## AnnMarie (Oct 9, 2006)

SoVerySoft said:


> I don't think it is superficial at all. Sexual chemistry is extremely important. If it's not there, it's not there.
> 
> I think it is possible that you can get to know each other and maybe even love each other and determine that it's less important to you than you thought - but the reality is, he deserves someone who can lust for him, the way he lusts for you.
> 
> I know I wouldn't settle for less.



Agreed completely. Even if YOU can find a way to come to terms with your lack of attraction, it's SO unfair to him. He deserves a woman who thinks he's a hottie, and there are plenty of chicks out there who like BHMs first and foremost.... so if you can't get there in your own head, let him go. 

It's hard sometimes, when we think we're doing the right thing by "overlooking" something, etc... but honestly, put yourself in the other guy's shoes. Would you want a guy having the same conversation about you on some message board, and then "settling" physically because you're so great otherwise. 

I would lose my mind - I'd NEVER want a man who settles for any part of me, let alone my body, which I've worked years to appreciate. His desire for something other than me, physically, would cause our sex life to suffer because I'd know that when he touched me, it wasn't with the same "fire" another man would. 

Maybe if I'd never been with FAs I'd not give a shit, but I'm way too far gone now. FA or nothing.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 9, 2006)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> This is a fascinating topic... and something I've been struggling with on the other side.
> 
> Back home (I'm at school now), there is a very patient, very sweet BHM waiting to go out with me again. We met over the summer and went out several times, and things got mildly sexual. At first, I wasn't attracted to him, and then late in the first date, I *was.* But on the second date (and third and fourth and fifth and sixth), I just wasn't. I kept trying to recapture it, but couldn't.
> 
> ...




For me. I had the same situation met someone who I was not attracted to but he made himself out to be a wonderful guy (but nothing to do with this) I kept dating him eventually moved in... fell in love but deep down even thou before things went to hell we were good together except one thing.... when we had sex well to be honest I had to think of something else to help things happen for me.... I learned my lesson on not having it all... I always never settle for less & had the mental & physical in a relationship but I tried & well I learned my lesson
I want it all


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## BigBeautifulMe (Oct 9, 2006)

SoVerySoft said:


> I don't think it is superficial at all. Sexual chemistry is extremely important. If it's not there, it's not there.
> 
> I think it is possible that you can get to know each other and maybe even love each other and determine that it's less important to you than you thought - but the reality is, he deserves someone who can lust for him, the way he lusts for you.
> 
> I know I wouldn't settle for less.



I agree that that's what he deserves. That was also one of my main reasons for breaking it off with him. He deserves someone that will see him and feel that immediate attraction for him. And I deserve someone that I can feel an immediate attraction with as well. 

But...but...but...he's such a great guy. Why is this always so hard?  

A very confident, intelligent SSBBW in her twenties should be able to find at least one FA who worships the ground she walks on, has all the qualities she needs in a man, and who she is attracted to, right? Am I asking the impossible? 

With the six-to-one ratio I just read (in this thread? or another?), maybe I AM asking the impossible. I really, really don't want to spend the rest of my twenties with my BOB (battery-operated-boyfriend). 

I'm about to go downtown and stand in the middle of the street nekkid with a whip and say "All FA's, step up right now!" 

Think that'll work?


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 9, 2006)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I agree that that's what he deserves. That was also one of my main reasons for breaking it off with him. He deserves someone that will see him and feel that immediate attraction for him. And I deserve someone that I can feel an immediate attraction with as well.
> 
> But...but...but...he's such a great guy. Why is this always so hard?
> 
> ...




Well I am right there with you....... I find the ones who wanna date a few girls & not want anything serious.. or the ones who want to have just sex.. & the nice guys who I could date & are FA's Live in another state.. so you can see I dont date much which stinks
I recommend rechargables u never run out :blush:


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## AnnMarie (Oct 9, 2006)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I agree that that's what he deserves. That was also one of my main reasons for breaking it off with him. He deserves someone that will see him and feel that immediate attraction for him. And I deserve someone that I can feel an immediate attraction with as well.
> 
> But...but...but...he's such a great guy. Why is this always so hard?
> 
> ...




Hahaah, if you're going to start putting a limit on your single time, you'd better just give up now. It's not impossible to find someone, but it does take time and patience. Remember, there are a lot of wonderful, hot, eligible, confident chicks out there who are waiting in the same line.  

Good luck though!!


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## BigBeautifulMe (Oct 9, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> Hahaah, if you're going to start counting your single time, you'd better just give up now. It's not impossible to find someone, but it does take time and patience. Remember, there are a lot of wonderful, hot, eligible, confident chicks out there who are waiting in the same line.
> 
> Good luck though!!



Yes, but my confidence tells me that I'm MORE wonderful, hot, eligible, and confident than many of them, and therefore should not be last in line.  Don't you know I'm special?  Maybe I'm deluding myself.  

Luckily, being in my senior year at college, I don't have much time to sit around and pine away anyhow. Now, once I graduate, well... I'll be a 28-year-old woman with lots of male friends, at the rate I'm going. :doh:


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## MisticalMisty (Oct 9, 2006)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Yes, but my confidence tells me that I'm MORE wonderful, hot, eligible, and confident than many of them, and therefore should not be last in line.  Don't you know I'm special?  Maybe I'm deluding myself.
> 
> Luckily, being in my senior year at college, I don't have much time to sit around and pine away anyhow. Now, once I graduate, well... I'll be a 28-year-old woman with lots of male friends, at the rate I'm going. :doh:


Join the club..I'm the president..lol


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## MisticalMisty (Oct 9, 2006)

Seriously..I've been single 5 years and I think I'm just a victim of circumstance. My friend and I were just talking about this on Saturday. I started spurting out qualities that I think I possess that make me quality grade-a fat girl..lol..and I just kept asking him why I was single.

He couldn't give me an answer..and I didn't expect him to..but sometimes I think maybe I'm too confident, or too independent or too comfortable with myself..and then I have to stop those thoughts..Those are the exact things that make me Misty and if a guy doesn't like me because of them..oh well..he can move on to the next fat girl in line 

Things happen for a reason..I try to hold on to that..


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## moonvine (Oct 9, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> hmm funny just today I get a msg not on here from a great looking guy who is totally my type... but never been with a big girl & thought I was sexy & did something to him (gee what could that be??) & was wondering what it would be like to be with a big girl.. so of course my reply was what are your wondering about..let me guess
> 
> lol sorry I just had to post this.. basically I get this alot
> 
> what are your thoughts?



I think it is gross. I'm not going to be someone's sexual experiment.

It isn't any better if I were to say to an African American guy, I've always heard that black guys have big dicks, how big is yours? Just ick. 

Then they expect me to be grateful they say this foul stuff to me..just no.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 9, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I think it is gross. I'm not going to be someone's sexual experiment.
> 
> It isn't any better if I were to say to an African American guy, I've always heard that black guys have big dicks, how big is yours? Just ick.
> 
> Then they expect me to be grateful they say this foul stuff to me..just no.



Ok, good to know

I turn them down regardless cause Im not looking for a quick roll in the hay


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## StrawberryShortcake (Oct 9, 2006)

FA's or Non FA's. How do you classify these groups? What about the curious ones? The ones who approach girls like me all the time. I pretty much like attractive men who like me. His orientation is not that important. Ladies, don't you realize how easy it is to turn a man out? Men LOVE mind blowing sex... and the ones who are too prudish to get into it, lose 'em.

Personally I would rather be alone than settle for some brutish man who doesn't adore me. I demand complete loyaly. And if my lover wishes to put me on a pedastal I am not very likely to fall from there. 

In my experience, dating non FA's can be just as pleasurable as dating a 'true FA' but personally I do like having that little confidence that my date enjoys that sway in my hips and the curve of my belly. But there are many guys who have never been to this site who like that. They just don't know what to call it. 

Live and let live. I had a great relationship with a Non FA for many years. But you wouldn't have been able to tell the difference.


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## StrawberryShortcake (Oct 9, 2006)

Lexi said:


> Hey Em
> 
> I was just talking to a girlfriend about this the other evening. I have been in mostly relationships with Non FA's. However I was in one or two with FA's. The ones with FA's always were disasterous.I found that I had to live up to what their vision of a Fat Lady was and not my own. With a non FA it has always been easier for mne because if they were with me then it was because they genuinly liked who I was. I am married to Ciar who is not an FA. We have been together now for 5 years and are very happy. Yeah



I agree with Lexi. I don't like the expectation that comes along with FA's. And all the boring conversations about fatness. I like a bit of mystery. I like keeping my tricks up my sleeve until the right moment. Oh and the tricks and treats I have... oh my!


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## AnnMarie (Oct 9, 2006)

StrawberryShortcake said:


> FA's or Non FA's. How do you classify these groups? What about the curious ones? The ones who approach girls like me all the time. I pretty much like attractive men who like me. His orientation is not that important. Ladies, don't you realize how easy it is to turn a man out? Men LOVE mind blowing sex... and the ones who are too prudish to get into it, lose 'em.
> 
> Personally I would rather be alone than settle for some brutish man who doesn't adore me. I demand complete loyaly. And if my lover wishes to put me on a pedastal I am not very likely to fall from there.
> 
> ...




Exactly the entire point that many of us have been making here and in other threads. The term they may use to describe themselves doesn't matter... what matters is how they treat you, touch you, look at you. If he's doing the things you want and expect, then a label doesn't matter. 

Actions are what make someone an FA, not merely applying a label. In fact, I'd guess that a LOT of men who call themselves FAs wouldn't pass muster with a lot of the more seasoned, self-accepting, confident hotties who frequent these parts. It's actions and attitudes, not just saying you are.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 9, 2006)

StrawberryShortcake said:


> Ladies, don't you realize how easy it is to turn a man out? Men LOVE mind blowing sex... and the ones who are too prudish to get into it, lose 'em..



Honey, you are preaching to the choir on this one............  
I have know that the past 16 yrs.... & never failed to dissapoint


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 9, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> My thoughts:
> 
> I used to hate tomatoes, except cooked in italian meals. The other day, for some reason, I had an urge to eat one of the cherry tomatoes in my salad. Guess what? It was yum. I couldn't believe all the years I thought I hated them.
> 
> Sometimes people think they don't like something when they really haven't even tried it.



_"I was not attracted to you, but you were such a great person and we have such a good time together that I thought I would just give it a try and see if we would work out. But it turns out that it's just not working out for me so now I want out. I hope you understand."_​
Words I never want to hear, words I never want to have to say. People aren't like tomatos in that once you taste them you can spit them out into your napkin. I don't want to hurt someone and I don't want to be hurt at the expense of someone's desire to test me out. If someone asked me to be their relationship experiment it would be the end of the correspondence.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Oct 9, 2006)

No one deserves to be hurt. But unfortunately, our society is filled with selfish people who only care about fulfilling their individual desires.




LillyBBBW said:


> _"I was not attracted to you, but you were such a great person and we have such a good time together that I thought I would just give it a try and see if we would work out. But it turns out that it's just not working out for me so now I want out. I hope you understand."_​
> Words I never want to hear, words I never want to have to say. People aren't like tomatos in that once you taste them you can spit them out into your napkin. I don't want to hurt someone and I don't want to be hurt at the expense of someone's desire to test me out. If someone asked me to be their relationship experiment it would be the end of the correspondence.


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## StrawberryShortcake (Oct 9, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> Honey, you are preaching to the choir on this one............
> I have know that the past 16 yrs.... & never failed to dissapoint



Amen to that, sistah!


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## StrawberryShortcake (Oct 9, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> Exactly the entire point that many of us have been making here and in other threads. The term they may use to describe themselves doesn't matter... what matters is how they treat you, touch you, look at you. If he's doing the things you want and expect, then a label doesn't matter.
> 
> Actions are what make someone an FA, not merely applying a label. In fact, I'd guess that a LOT of men who call themselves FAs wouldn't pass muster with a lot of the more seasoned, self-accepting, confident hotties who frequent these parts. It's actions and attitudes, not just saying you are.



Anne Marie, 

I fancy you a ganster of love.


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## saucywench (Oct 10, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> ...I'm way too far gone now.


 
  

You are so cute sometimes.


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## AnnMarie (Oct 10, 2006)

StrawberryShortcake said:


> Anne Marie,
> 
> I fancy you a ganster of love.



I have no idea what that may entail, but I think I like the sound of it!


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## AnnMarie (Oct 10, 2006)

saucywench said:


> You are so cute sometimes.



hahaha, you're so silly.


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## saucywench (Oct 10, 2006)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Yes, but my confidence tells me that I'm MORE wonderful, hot, eligible, and confident than many of them, and therefore should not be last in line.  Don't you know I'm special?  Maybe I'm deluding myself.


No, no, NO! ALL young women should adopt this stance. This self-knowledge will carry you solidly and securely through your life until you do find the right one. Never waiver from it. Ever. You're the only one who fully knows all of the gifts that you possess, and you would be doing yourself a tremendous disservice to "cast your pearls before swine." Once you compromise, it's often difficult to regain your footing. Just stay the course.


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## NFA (Oct 10, 2006)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> This is a fascinating topic... and something I've been struggling with on the other side.
> 
> Back home (I'm at school now), there is a very patient, very sweet BHM waiting to go out with me again. We met over the summer and went out several times, and things got mildly sexual. At first, I wasn't attracted to him, and then late in the first date, I *was.* But on the second date (and third and fourth and fifth and sixth), I just wasn't. I kept trying to recapture it, but couldn't.
> 
> ...



As an FA who could theoretically be on the losing side of such a scenario, I nonetheless completely endorse it. No one deserves to be settled for, and no one should have to settle. You are in your 20's. In the scheme of things, this is still VERY young. No reason to start thinking about giving up looking for the whole package and resigning yourself to that which will be okay.

I have to admit, being an FA, I'm always more than a little insecure about my own appearance and whether the women I've been with have been genuinely attracted to me. I was in a relationship once where the woman seemed basically attracted to me, but I got ill and lost a lot of weight, and I could tell she was more attracted to me right after the illness. That weighed on me for the rest of the relationship after my weight returned to what it was before I got sick. I don't want to be good enough. I can accept that the women I'm with may not be as physically particular as I am (not that being an FA is all that particular, but still), but its hard not to have doubts. I'd love to be with someone I knew was as completely physically attracted to me as I would be to her, but I know that might be a bit too precise a thing to look for. So, I'm fine with normally attracted to me, but I always wonder if, like you, they are more attracted to my attraction for them. If I were in this man's shoes, I'd be disappointed but I'd want you to do what felt right to you. You don't owe it to a SSBHM to date them. Its not a matter of being able to do better or not. Its being able to find what is right for you and what works for you. I'm sure this guy is a great guy, and there is a SSBBW who is perfect for him out there. Its just not you.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Oct 10, 2006)

Thanks for that wonderful reply, NFA. (And to the rest of you, too). Some truly sage advice. I've just been torn between the two camps of advice-givers in my life: Those that say "Chemistry/attraction can build" and those that say "It can't." Overwhelming response here seems to be "It can, but he deserves better," and I agree. I just hate to lose this guy, as a friend. He's a truly amazing person. Would it be selfish for me to try to keep him as one? I would never want to hurt him. Do I go home and say "Yes, we can go out, but really - it's just as friends," or do I not go out with him at all, and therefore not get his hopes up? 

I'm really bad at this "letting someone down easy" thing. I've never had to do much of it. Usually I just kick the men worshipping at my feet to the side with my stilettos  - :batting: This one deserves better, though.


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## StrawberryShortcake (Oct 10, 2006)

:doh: Gangster, I mean gangster. I'm apalled by my terrible grammar.


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## TallFatSue (Oct 10, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> I need some clarification. Do you ask a man if he is a FA or a nonFA? If you are engaged to a non-FA, then isn't he really a FA? If a man wants to be with you and you are fat then doesn't that make him a FA?
> 
> Now, Ann Marie explained very well what it feels like to be with a FA. Thankfully I have experienced it and it is simply wonderful. Luckily, it is with my husband.


Another reason I feel like a verrrry lucky woman, and it's great to know that at least one other woman is in this same situation. My husband claims he did not like fat girls when we first met, and to judge from his actions at the time, I believe him. But Art said that my friendly wise ass personality intrigued him, and then he became intrigued by my abundant fat bouncing around. So he decided he wanted my whole package, and he learned to love my fat. He wasn't an FA before, but he sure is now! :smitten:


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## fatgirlflyin (Oct 10, 2006)

SoVerySoft said:


> I don't think it is superficial at all. Sexual chemistry is extremely important. If it's not there, it's not there.
> 
> I think it is possible that you can get to know each other and maybe even love each other and determine that it's less important to you than you thought - but the reality is, he deserves someone who can lust for him, the way he lusts for you.
> 
> I know I wouldn't settle for less.



The initial lust thing (the oh my god I gotta rip your clothes off and have you right now) might not be there now but you could find as you get to know the person he is that you grow extremely attracted to him. 

I know for myself that there have been a few people that I've had in my life who I didn't really see in a sexual way when first getting to know them, but as time wore on and I got to know the person they were I found myself pretty attracted to them. They were honestly some of the most fulfilling sexual encounters I've had to date.


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## CuteyChubb (Oct 10, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> _"I was not attracted to you, but you were such a great person and we have such a good time together that I thought I would just give it a try and see if we would work out. But it turns out that it's just not working out for me so now I want out. I hope you understand."_​
> Words I never want to hear, words I never want to have to say. People aren't like tomatos in that once you taste them you can spit them out into your napkin. I don't want to hurt someone and I don't want to be hurt at the expense of someone's desire to test me out. If someone asked me to be their relationship experiment it would be the end of the correspondence.



I don't want to be an experiment.
I just believe that if a non FA were to get with me, they'd have no complaints.


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## Jack Secret (Oct 11, 2006)

Ya gotta be pretty careful with 'newbie' FAs. I've heard far to many stories about the wreckage that can result. One could say easily that this road to true acceptance/admiration is paved with broken hearts.

That said... There are plenty of advantages to dating guys that find fat women their ideal. You've got the shallow layer of a relationship covered! No mess of a week of conversation wasted because he didn't find you attractive. 

A hottie makes you want to take her home and screw her silly. 

Love makes want to do it on stage ;-)

Speaking personally: Women blessed with a large gorgeous figure get my attention. The rest of you inside might make me love ya


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## James (Oct 12, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> Well, I have to agree with your friend. If you have nothing in common beyond the attraction, there is no reason in the world to be with that person.
> 
> I'm sick to death of people assuming that a "REAL" FA is just a person who's only interested in fat on their partner, and not a cool, fun, intelligent, sensitive, articulate, driven, sensual partner who also happens to be a hot fatty. It's insulting to those of us who date FAs to assume we'd settle for that level of interest alone, and it's extremely insulting to the wonderful FAs who are in our midst who value the women here on multiple levels.
> 
> ...



Hi AnnMarie - hope you are well?

I agree with you totally and to an extent, on the flipside, I can identify with that sentiment too as being an FA in a country (well an area of a country) where there are very few bbws, the temptation (and error) is to assume that everytime I meet someone here that 'gets the motor going' on a physical level then stuff on a personality level is just gonna work out regardless. 

I've hurt a couple of girls I've met that way by taking the relationships I've had further than I shoulda (knowing that personality-wise stuff aint a match) and probably made them even less confident about themselves than when I met them. I HATE this and it has kinda put me off dating for a couple of years now. Extremely occasionally I meet a BBW here but no-one on a similar wavelength. Bit depressing, but its a million times better to be single and wait and see if someone compatible turns up rather than mess people around just because you find them attractive (and feel like a complete asshole afterwards)


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 12, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> I don't want to be an experiment.
> I just believe that if a non FA were to get with me, they'd have no complaints.



I guess there's no right or wrong here in whatever you prefer. I know that if a guy said to me, "I've always been attracted to black women but never dated one," for me that would be a red flag. It's judgemental of me I admit. I'm kinda at the point where if a person needs to say this at all it's telling. Same goes for, "I never dated a fat girl." Feels like I'm going to have to babysit so I prefer to be with someone who knows what they're doing. They may turn out the be the best thing in the whole world but I'm not a gambler. Not with my heart anyway.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Oct 13, 2006)

Lilly, just to play devil's advocate, I will ask you this: What if the person who was attracted to black women was unable to act on his preferences because he lived in an almost all-white state like Vermont, Iowa, Wyoming or New Hampshire? Same question for someone who lives in an area where he would find few or almost no fat women. What would you do in that case? Just curious.




LillyBBBW said:


> I guess there's no right or wrong here in whatever you prefer. I know that if a guy said to me, "I've always been attracted to black women but never dated one," for me that would be a red flag. It's judgemental of me I admit. I'm kinda at the point where if a person needs to say this at all it's telling. Same goes for, "I never dated a fat girl." Feels like I'm going to have to babysit so I prefer to be with someone who knows what they're doing. They may turn out the be the best thing in the whole world but I'm not a gambler. Not with my heart anyway.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 13, 2006)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Lilly, just to play devil's advocate, I will ask you this: What if the person who was attracted to black women was unable to act on his preferences because he lived in an almost all-white state like Vermont, Iowa, Wyoming or New Hampshire? Same question for someone who lives in an area where he would find few or almost no fat women. What would you do in that case? Just curious.



It would depend on what you mean by 'unable.' If it's purely because the opportunity was just never there that's one thing. I've never dated anyone from Fiji but I wouldn't get all glassy eyed and say, "Wow *giggle* I never dated a Fiji." If I said something like that I would be surprised if the guy wasn't thinking me a mental midget. Nothing wrong with never dating someone merely because of circumstance but me personally, I'm turned off when someone has to announce that they've never dated my kind. It wouldn't bother me as much if the person said they never dated anyone who played a musical instrument or who has such a strong Boston accent for some reason. But replace that with black woman, fat woman, big tits - it's a snag for me.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Oct 13, 2006)

Nobody should be a sexual experiment. I feel the same way you do. I find it sickening that people want to experiment with black men based on a myth about our penises.

After I got on the internet six years ago, these married white people started approaching me about copulating with the MWF while her husband watched. That is some decadent stuff! 

I would be willing to date a woman who has never dated a black man if the woman is truly interested in me for non-sexual reasons and we have a considerable amount of compatiblity. 







LillyBBBW said:


> It would depend on what you mean by 'unable.' If it's purely because the opportunity was just never there that's one thing. I've never dated anyone from Fiji but I wouldn't get all glassy eyed and say, "Wow *giggle* I never dated a Fiji." If I said something like that I would be surprised if the guy wasn't thinking me a mental midget. Nothing wrong with never dating someone merely because of circumstance but me personally, I'm turned off when someone has to announce that they've never dated my kind. It wouldn't bother me as much if the person said they never dated anyone who played a musical instrument or who has such a strong Boston accent for some reason. But replace that with black woman, fat woman, big tits - it's a snag for me.


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