# Is it hypocritical redux; to be attracted to fat while remaining thin?



## y2kboris1 (Aug 27, 2018)

I feel the need to preface this discussion with a disclaimer: a few years back while having a discussion on fantasyfeeder I proposed the question "Is it hypocritical to want to have a fat partner while wanting to be physically fit/ in shape / and or thin?" or something to that effect. The thing is at the time the thread kind of self-destructed with some proposing that I did harbor anti-fat hatred if only subconsciously while many more empathized with my plight. At the time I don't really feel as though I got an adequate answer to that question; so now I propose it again all to you here, and hopefully this time there can be a civil discussion without some of the familiars (those who frequent FF, Curvage, and Dims) from getting angry outright. My situation is slightly different now from then. In the intervening time I have gotten married to my wonderful wife whom I love very much ( she is a big girl about 220 lbs) and I have gained weight, lost it gained it again, and lost again. Currently I am on another fitness kick and I have lost quite a lot. The question always creeps back though and I wonder, because she has expressed interest in getting in shape, but sorta lacks the willpower to follow through a lot of the time; and this isn't an issue of I want her to stay fat cause I consider myself "bi-sizual" as some have to come to call it in the FA/FFA community. I'll be happy whether she is fat or skinny cause she's that pretty and delightful, but it still nags me sometimes. One question that I did get answered was my parent's acceptance, which interestingly is; well they love her too. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this issue and whether or not it seems legitimate or if I'm just overreacting or if I have some moral imperative to help my wife lose weight if she wants to. I feel conflicted about it but I can respect her wishes. If you frequent Curvage or FF as well as here and you remember this discussion I would appreciate if you would identify yourself via avatar or NN/callsign and what your original thoughts were. Lastly I would kindly ask this discussion remain civil as last time Saphiel Sir on FF had to nuke it previously.


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## Tad (Aug 27, 2018)

Whether it is or not may come down to semantics and circumstances. But I think asking the question and having the discussion shows that you aren't going too far off track one way or another.

Keep questioning yourself, keep getting other points of view, and you'll keep doing pretty well at this human thing (and husband thing too).

(IMO. Your mileage may vary. Actual product not exactly as shown. Etc.)


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## DragonFly (Aug 28, 2018)

I also think you will not find the huge crossover between forums as you have suggested in your post. Moderating styles vary greatly by the boards, FF and the others mentioned may not work on the same practices. If the discussion picks up on this and you feel there needs to be moderator interaction, report the post, or just reach out, I will be happy to help.


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## y2kboris1 (Aug 28, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> I also think you will not find the huge crossover between forums as you have suggested in your post. Moderating styles vary greatly by the boards, FF and the others mentioned may not work on the same practices. If the discussion picks up on this and you feel there needs to be moderator interaction, report the post, or just reach out, I will be happy to help.



Thanks DragonFly I appreciate it.

Hey Tad, long time no see. The last 6 years has been a whirlwind to say the least. Got out of the service, attended school, met my wife, got married, got our own place, finally found a decent job. It's invigorating, but chaotic to say the least. I just sometimes worry about my motives; I suppose it's fine to be attracted to what you like, but I've seen too many threads where someone's relationship has self-destructed, and I don't wanna go down that path.


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## landshark (Aug 28, 2018)

The easy answer is no, it’s not hypocritical to be attracted to a fat woman while being thin or athletic. Just as I do not believe it’s hypocrtical for fat women to want athletic men. To a great extent, preference and attraction is something that occurs naturally without conscious effort. How can that ever be considered hypocritical?

Where it becomes hypocritical is if a thin partner who pursues a certain lifestyle voices his disapproval for his partner’s desire to lose weight or make changes to pursue changes she decides are right for her. For example it would be hypocritical of me to not want my wife to lose weight and get in shape. This is why I always support her efforts in this area.

If your wife ever decided to become more physically fit I encourage you to support her. Even work on goals together. Shy of that if she just stays where she is there is certainly nothing remotely hypocritical about a thinner guy being attracted to his fat wife.


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## fuelingfire (Aug 28, 2018)

How did this discussion turn out on the other sites? Can blondes be attracted to brunettes? Can right handed people be attracted to left handed people?


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## y2kboris1 (Aug 28, 2018)

fuelingfire said:


> How did this discussion turn out on the other sites? Can blondes be attracted to brunettes? Can right handed people be attracted to left handed people?



Regardless to say it didn't end well. I can't remember who exactly, but one of the girls wanted to insinuate my unwillingness to *not* worry about my weight somehow meant I harbored a hatred deep down of all fat people, either that or I was still conflicted. I DO however remember it was AskDrFeeder who wanted to suggest I was crazy / slight disturbed because at the time I was trying to explain how for me I personally don't really want to ever be fat. After that though in my absence it turned into a brutal, verbal sparring fight. Supposedly some 20 posts later Saphiel Sir pulled the plug. But yes, apparently to him unless you want to be the thing you desire it's hypocrisy. I was somewhat saddened by that though cause in the past I've enjoyed reading his posts.


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## landshark (Aug 28, 2018)

y2kboris1 said:


> Regardless to say it didn't end well. I can't remember who exactly, but one of the girls wanted to insinuate my unwillingness to *not* worry about my weight somehow meant I harbored a hatred deep down of all fat people, either that or I was still conflicted. I DO however remember it was AskDrFeeder who wanted to suggest I was crazy / slight disturbed because at the time I was trying to explain how for me I personally don't really want to ever be fat. After that though in my absence it turned into a brutal, verbal sparring fight. Supposedly some 20 posts later Saphiel Sir pulled the plug. But yes, apparently to him unless you want to be the thing you desire it's hypocrisy. I was somewhat saddened by that though cause in the past I've enjoyed reading his posts.



Sorry to hear it. I don’t know any of these people or what site this is, but it sounds like a bummer. I disagree with Salphiel Sir’s assessment. To put it politely it sounds like a steaming pile of horse manure. I desire women. Does that mean I want to be one? Doesn’t sound like this guy is earning a living teaching psychology!


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## y2kboris1 (Aug 29, 2018)

happily_married said:


> Sorry to hear it. I don’t know any of these people or what site this is, but it sounds like a bummer. I disagree with Salphiel Sir’s assessment. To put it politely it sounds like a steaming pile of horse manure. I desire women. Does that mean I want to be one? Doesn’t sound like this guy is earning a living teaching psychology!



I should probably clarify that last statement, Saphiel was nothing but polite to me, it was AskDrFeeder who was being harsh. Saph tried to pull the plug in that it was getting out of hand.

At Fueling: ya one can only hope lol. I am left-handed lol


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## fuelingfire (Aug 29, 2018)

y2kboris1 said:


> Regardless to say it didn't end well. I can't remember who exactly, but one of the girls wanted to insinuate my unwillingness to *not* worry about my weight somehow meant I harbored a hatred deep down of all fat people, either that or I was still conflicted. I DO however remember it was AskDrFeeder who wanted to suggest I was crazy / slight disturbed because at the time I was trying to explain how for me I personally don't really want to ever be fat. After that though in my absence it turned into a brutal, verbal sparring fight. Supposedly some 20 posts later Saphiel Sir pulled the plug. But yes, apparently to him unless you want to be the thing you desire it's hypocrisy. I was somewhat saddened by that though cause in the past I've enjoyed reading his posts.


I find that view point interesting. People with that strong of a point of view, do have reasoning for what they believe. But it really sounds silly to think, you can only be attracted to fat people if you intentionally become fat yourself. Or something close to that. Any chance you have a link to that, or do I have to be a member of one of those sites?


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## y2kboris1 (Aug 29, 2018)

fuelingfire said:


> I find that view point interesting. People with that strong of a point of view, do have reasoning for what they believe. But it really sounds silly to think, you can only be attracted to fat people if you intentionally become fat yourself. Or something close to that. Any chance you have a link to that, or do I have to be a member of one of those sites?



Like I said Saph had to take down the old thread because things got too heated. If I had known beforehand how controversial that question would've been I might not have posted it.


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## DragonFly (Aug 30, 2018)

I’m still not getting the controversy. The logic then would say you would need to be a woman to be attracted to women.... follow that down a ridiculous path. Maybe the distinction is that this occurred on a more feederism or gaining forum?


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## y2kboris1 (Aug 30, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> I’m still not getting the controversy. The logic then would say you would need to be a woman to be attracted to women.... follow that down a ridiculous path. Maybe the distinction is that this occurred on a more feederism or gaining forum?



FantasyFeeder has always been a site more oriented towards those who are into feederism, rather than just garden-variety FA/FFA. At the time I was just as perplexed. The whole insinuating thing only came about when I mentioned I personally would never ever want to be fat, so I'm guessing over there it got taken the wrong way? I guess some people see it as devotion to the cause; like if they were to say " How can you claim to be size positive or accept/be attracted to larger people if you could never see yourself as attractive whilst being fat? That was the vibe I received.


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## John Smith (Aug 30, 2018)

I think it depend about whomever we're speaking about. If one individual experiences its sexuality about loving a person hovering into the bigger side of the weight spectrum like something of exclusive about the gender of its partner - in the cases of heterosexual couple - we cannot really presume one is hypocritical, because it's a matter of preference not of self-reflection... yet some people may have selfish motives to not experience the same aspect if degendered. There are some Fat Admirers alike feeders, both sexes and orientations included, who gone by fattening themselves after have reach a point in their life they doesnt find any excuse to actually not experience fatness oneself.

For my personal case, I love women whatsoever their size, yet I have a weakness for bigger ladies: I may hook up with thin women, even with muscular and skinny ones in spite not being really my cup of tea, yet I overtrip for chubby, curvaceous, heavy-bottomed, buxom, plain fat, blubber-like women. It doesn't mean for either I desire to be a full-figured woman, nor that I desire to get fat simply because one seem absurd and the other simply not what I want because inside my head, this is about see a lot of flesh on women not above my belt who turn me on.


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## y2kboris1 (Sep 4, 2018)

John Smith just to clarify what you're saying is that it could be selfish not to become bigger? In what instance could such a situation be considered selfish? Just curious...


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## John Smith (Sep 5, 2018)

y2kboris1 said:


> John Smith just to clarify what you're saying is that it could be selfish not to become bigger? In what instance could such a situation be considered selfish? Just curious...



What I'm saying is that some may have selfish motives, others not. It depend about the character.


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## AmyJo1976 (Sep 6, 2018)

It seems to me to be more of a preference rather than selfishness. Some skinny people prefer a fat partner. Some fat people prefer a skinny partner and some fat people prefer a fat partner and so on. The only way I can see selfishness play into it would be a situation where one party wants something from the other without giving anything in return. To keep a fat theme going here, say a man wants his partner to gain weight, but would be unwilling to do the same if she wanted that in return. Or not necessarily gain weight, but anything she might want in return for doing what he wants. Just my thoughts


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## y2kboris1 (Sep 6, 2018)

AmyJo1976 said:


> It seems to me to be more of a preference rather than selfishness. Some skinny people prefer a fat partner. Some fat people prefer a skinny partner and some fat people prefer a fat partner and so on. The only way I can see selfishness play into it would be a situation where one party wants something from the other without giving anything in return. To keep a fat theme going here, say a man wants his partner to gain weight, but would be unwilling to do the same if she wanted that in return. Or not necessarily gain weight, but anything she might want in return for doing what he wants. Just my thoughts



Exactly. That was my first thought. The thing that has always bothered me is where do the limits of what I am willing to accept in a relationship end and where does what I *am* willing to do begin? (or vice versa). My issue is that I know for a fact that I would never be happy bigger. So in that situation what does one do? I think this has more to do with core values, because at least for me I have always enjoyed being physically fit and healthy. I like to do outdoorsy type stuff and also I am a former Marine. The idea of a slow-paced life like that does not appeal to me at all. I don't know if that makes me shallow or not; it's not an issue of not liking fat people, it's an issue of I cannot see myself as a fat person.


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## Shh! Don’t tell! (Sep 6, 2018)

y2kboris1 said:


> I don't know if that makes me shallow or not; it's not an issue of not liking fat people, it's an issue of I cannot see myself as a fat person.



That’s not shallow, that’s just basic bodily autonomy.


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## DragonFly (Sep 9, 2018)

Shh! Don’t tell! said:


> That’s not shallow, that’s just basic bodily autonomy.


I agree it is bodily autonomy, but he also states that he associates being fat with being unhealthy. That to me is an issue, liking fat but seeing it as bad. Conflicted emotions like that hurt relationships.


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## Lastminute.Tom (Sep 10, 2018)

I think this thread begs the question would you be ok on the other side of the relationship, would you be ok gaining or sustaining a fatter body for your loves preference?

I'm pretty certain I would but I'm a bhm already so I'm not coming from a thin perspective , it's definitely a tough question.


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## y2kboris1 (Sep 11, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> I agree it is bodily autonomy, but he also states that he associates being fat with being unhealthy. That to me is an issue, liking fat but seeing it as bad. Conflicted emotions like that hurt relationships.


 Honestly DragonFly I don't see fat as being bad. I just don't see it being for me. I have many friends IRL who are fat, and my wife is no less. That being said being fat isn't for me. I've explored that venue before and didn't like it at all.




Lastminute.Tom said:


> I think this thread begs the question would you be ok on the other side of the relationship, would you be ok gaining or sustaining a fatter body for your loves preference?
> 
> I'm pretty certain I would but I'm a bhm already so I'm not coming from a thin perspective , it's definitely a tough question.



Honestly Lastminute.Tom I find it unlikely. However when I first started dating, (also online) I made it very apparent from my profile(s) that I am into bigger women but would never want to become fat myself. For me it's a question of core values/preferences. Under no circumstances would I ever want to be fat, but then I also don't give my wife a hard time about her weight either way (either losing or gaining weight). From my profile it would appear fairly WYSIWIG (what you see is what you get). I stated in no uncertain terms what I wanted for my own life, and what I would *like *out of /from a potential partner. So there's no great mystery; I am no pandora's box so to speak. I would say definitively not, but then I am not going around making demands about how I want my wife to be (or before her any would-be relationships with any other girls who might be interested). So from my perspective it's a matter of knowing what you want out of a relationship and knowing what you're willing to give. My thought on it is if the girl wants me to gain weight, than that relationship doesn't past muster. I don't necessarily see it as a betrayal of morals to be discriminatory in that practice, when it's obviously something that is important to you, but rather nipping something in the butt before it unhealthfully spirals out of control. 

FWIW I have rejected girls in the past for being too skinny, and now I wonder if it was a good or bad thing. I've had some of my Mother's friends comment they thought I would be more attractive stockier and have always nipped that in the bud as well. My wife has been a more interesting case. From what she let on when we first met I was led to believe she found me attractive as I am. Recently I started trying to get back in shape again and she lamented the fact that I no longer had a "pooch" as she calls it (that kinda broke my brain). I was 222, now down to 205 but that is neither here nor there (unimportant). I guess my point is where do we draw the line in the sand? Where do we get to exercise our own autonomy in how we want to be versus taking requests (or for some hearing demands)?


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## landshark (Sep 14, 2018)

@y2kboris1 I think explicitly making a point that you would never want to be fat yourself may be why people on the other forums you visit accuse you of hypocrisy. It’s one thing to decide it’s not for you, but making a point of saying so, to some observers, can be considered condescending. 

It’s easy to communicate the same point through other means. I don’t tell people I don’t want to be fat I say I enjoy working out and outdoor activities that generally require a greater level of fitness. It’s the difference between telling a reader and showing them (if you ever were in a college writing class you probably heard this line more times than you care to count). 

You’re not hypocritical. I’m not hypocritical. A fit guy who wants a fat woman simply wants what he wants. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise!


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## ODFFA (Sep 14, 2018)

The thing with that, for me, is -- and I'd be interested to know for how many male FAs this is also the case -- I really like the contrast. It's not _essential _to my FFAism, but it's certainly a verrry nice bonus. So, Lasminute.Tom's scenario would've been a tricky one to navigate. Fortunately, I haven't had to. Size contrast appears to be a popular theme in many BHM/FFA relationships. And even at my smallest size, I do okay in the curves department, so minimal weight gain for that reason hasn't come up either.

Taking requests like that is such an individual thing. To some people it's less of an issue. Others might not be very flexible at all with it, which they're perfectly entitled not to be. It's for each couple to navigate. I know that's a simplistic, theoretical answer. When so many feelings are involved and so much is at stake, it can become very tough. Health and autonomy are crucially important. Attraction is important, too -- and here I mean physical as well as personality. For the most part, attraction kind of just... is what it is, neurologically. It's by no means the end-all, but it does factor into people's happiness in a relationship, so you can't just ignore it. Very doable  compromises can often be reached, but sometimes they can't.

Overall I agree with what most people have said. There's no hypocrisy inherent in being attracted to a body that is different from your own. Oftentimes it means you can appreciate both types, but your attraction involves having a certain kind yourself and enjoying another kind on your partner.


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## y2kboris1 (Sep 14, 2018)

happily_married said:


> @y2kboris1 I think explicitly making a point that you would never want to be fat yourself may be why people on the other forums you visit accuse you of hypocrisy. It’s one thing to decide it’s not for you, but making a point of saying so, to some observers, can be considered condescending.
> 
> It’s easy to communicate the same point through other means. I don’t tell people I don’t want to be fat I say I enjoy working out and outdoor activities that generally require a greater level of fitness. It’s the difference between telling a reader and showing them (if you ever were in a college writing class you probably heard this line more times than you care to count).
> 
> You’re not hypocritical. I’m not hypocritical. A fit guy who wants a fat woman simply wants what he wants. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise!



Point well spoken.
Point received.
Acknowledged.

That is a valid point. I can see how pointing out how you never want to be something might make some feel bad about themselves, but surely it was not my intent; more kind of a gut reaction to a deep personal fear. I know it's not something that I should really clutch my pearls about, but hey old habits die hard. Good point though, I'll have to incorporate that into my discussions from now on in. It's too bad there's no cure for irrational fears.


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## y2kboris1 (Sep 14, 2018)

ODFFA said:


> The thing with that, for me, is -- and I'd be interested to know for how many male FAs this is also the case -- I really like the contrast. It's not _essential _to my FFAism, but it's certainly a verrry nice bonus. So, Lasminute.Tom's scenario would've been a tricky one to navigate. Fortunately, I haven't had to. Size contrast appears to be a popular theme in many BHM/FFA relationships. And even at my smallest size, I do okay in the curves department, so minimal weight gain for that reason hasn't come up either.
> 
> Taking requests like that is such an individual thing. To some people it's less of an issue. Others might not be very flexible at all with it, which they're perfectly entitled not to be. It's for each couple to navigate. I know that's a simplistic, theoretical answer. When so many feelings are involved and so much is at stake, it can become very tough. Health and autonomy are crucially important. Attraction is important, too -- and here I mean physical as well as personality. For the most part, attraction kind of just... is what it is, neurologically. It's by no means the end-all, but it does factor into people's happiness in a relationship, so you can't just ignore it. Very doable  compromises can often be reached, but sometimes they can't.
> 
> Overall I agree with what most people have said. There's no hypocrisy inherent in being attracted to a body that is different from your own. Oftentimes it means you can appreciate both types, but your attraction involves having a certain kind yourself and enjoying another kind on your partner.



After reading your quote I thought it was interesting. I find that with my relationship with my wife that is a thing (the whole contrast thing. I'm tall, lanky, and stout she is kinda more petite, short, and big around the middle / more androgenous body type). I had another thought. People like the contrast often times in these types of relationships, but could there be an underlying toxic kind of connotation to it? Many times I've heard the discussion framed as if you have one person in the relationship whose overweight and one whose in shape and it is almost implied he/she is the looker one and he/she is the fat one. That DOES bother me. There's still this repugnant perception that the partner who is bigger is not considered attractive by most of societies' standards. I hope that by being more in shape it doesn't exacerbate my wife's suffering; like as in people give her a hard time because she's not as in shape as I am.


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## ODFFA (Sep 15, 2018)

Absolutely there's an underlying toxic factor. It sucks that people are still baffled in 2018 that a bigger guy/girl can be desired, can desire, can find love. Ideally, the world would be a place in which certain body types aren't seen as inherently unattractive. It's important for said toxicity to be a thing that is recognised by the couple, and that they're able to talk about it openly. I would never want my BHM to feel like he can't talk to me about how it affects him.

And then the hope is, if both people are attracted to each other and have each other's best interests at heart, that they won't buy into this little narrative themselves. Hopefully they can remind each other that such a (pun alert!) small-minded mentality doesn't have to apply to them; and they can step out together and subtly let society know what it can do with its silly norms.


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## TwoSwords (Sep 26, 2018)

Well, to start with, not all of us have luck at gaining weight, so even though we might *want *to be fatter, we just can't do it, and there's nothing hypocritical about that.

I would also compare it to a girl being attracted to a muscular guy without being muscular herself. Same principle. It would only be hypocritical if you were asking someone to make a sacrifice that you wouldn't be prepared to make for them. In terms of body types, what this works out to is that the word "sacrifice" would be interpreted as "take on a body type that you detest," but in most cases, that doesn't happen in fat-thin people relationships. Either the fat person didn't take on their shape by choice, or else they're not unhappy with their shape (rarer,) or else the relationship, these days, just doesn't get off the ground. Speaking as an FA, I would never want a woman to gain weight just to please me, because what I'm after is more of a kindred soul than just a pleasing body. I don't think that's hypocritical in the slightest.


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## y2kboris1 (Sep 26, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> Well, to start with, not all of us have luck at gaining weight, so even though we might *want *to be fatter, we just can't do it, and there's nothing hypocritical about that.
> 
> I would also compare it to a girl being attracted to a muscular guy without being muscular herself. Same principle. It would only be hypocritical if you were asking someone to make a sacrifice that you wouldn't be prepared to make for them. In terms of body types, what this works out to is that the word "sacrifice" would be interpreted as "take on a body type that you detest," but in most cases, that doesn't happen in fat-thin people relationships. Either the fat person didn't take on their shape by choice, or else they're not unhappy with their shape (rarer,) or else the relationship, these days, just doesn't get off the ground. Speaking as an FA, I would never want a woman to gain weight just to please me, because what I'm after is more of a kindred soul than just a pleasing body. I don't think that's hypocritical in the slightest.



Pretty much what I thought TwoSwords. The only thing is... what do you think is reasonable in terms of compromise when it comes to being willing to change yourself to suit your partner? I always thought that couples would be better off in they both mutually agreed on what it is they want for themselves as well as what they would want/need from a partner. Once again I don't detest fat people; far from it; but I know that for me personally I would not be happy with it. However like Happily said before it's better to gaze upon the glass half-full rather than half-empty.


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## TwoSwords (Sep 26, 2018)

y2kboris1 said:


> Pretty much what I thought TwoSwords. The only thing is... what do you think is reasonable in terms of compromise when it comes to being willing to change yourself to suit your partner? I always thought that couples would be better off in they both mutually agreed on what it is they want for themselves as well as what they would want/need from a partner.



I agree. In the ideal world, relationships would be well-informed and prepared for hiccups, by recognizing what each needs before the relationship even begins, but sadly, people sometimes change their minds. I just read an article about a woman who lost over 400 lbs, and her husband was devastated. She seemed to have decided that it wouldn't work out if he couldn't get over it, and these kinds of horror stories are precisely why I'm so skittish around relationships myself. I don't want to be suckered by a person who's perfectly willing to head off in pursuit of their own goals, and to blazes with what I need.

This is also why I always ask girls what they want to do with their lives/what they want out of life. If they don't share my passion for fatness, at least on some level, it would be difficult for me to even maintain a* friendship* with such a person, because we wouldn't have anything in common.

Now, in the less-than-ideal, but still feasible world we live in, I think there is room for bargaining, when it comes to changing certain things. Some things are non-negotiable for each person, and it's important to come to an understanding of those right away, so that each person knows what chips they (and the other) are bargaining with, and which ones are part of the table.

In my case, a love of honesty, openness to my views on certain topics, the willingness to put effort into the relationship (relationship maturity,) and at least some appreciation of my central passion for fatness are all non-negotiables. Everything else is free to be used as a chip in exchanges, though there are some that are conditional (for instance, if she wanted me to lose weight, I wouldn't be able to, unless she was fat.) This would only be hypocritical if I expected her not to have conditionals or non-negotiables of her own, and I don't. And yes, I'm aware that most of the time, my non-negotiables and those of the other person conflict, and the relationship can't proceed forward. That's sad, but that's life.



y2kboris1 said:


> Once again I don't detest fat people; far from it; but I know that for me personally I would not be happy with it. However like Happily said before it's better to gaze upon the glass half-full rather than half-empty.



For me, the glass is either completely-empty, partially-full, or (in the case of people who are fat, but negative about it) all the way filled with hydrochloric acid. An inspiration to look at, so long as you don't get too close. I've yet to find a completely-full glass that was safe to approach.


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## y2kboris1 (Sep 26, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> I agree. In the ideal world, relationships would be well-informed and prepared for hiccups, by recognizing what each needs before the relationship even begins, but sadly, people sometimes change their minds. I just read an article about a woman who lost over 400 lbs, and her husband was devastated. She seemed to have decided that it wouldn't work out if he couldn't get over it, and these kinds of horror stories are precisely why I'm so skittish around relationships myself. I don't want to be suckered by a person who's perfectly willing to head off in pursuit of their own goals, and to blazes with what I need.
> 
> This is also why I always ask girls what they want to do with their lives/what they want out of life. If they don't share my passion for fatness, at least on some level, it would be difficult for me to even maintain a* friendship* with such a person, because we wouldn't have anything in common.
> 
> ...



I can understand that sentiment. I've always thought though that it was selfish in a relationship to never compromise. That being said it sometimes boggles the mind even in my own life (my lived experience) how I will see friends... , family... , people I care about get into relationships with people who are not well suited to them and vice versa. It's strange how people in that moment of passion when you first meet and you feel smitten; can overlook a multitude of physical and psychological problems, and then just logistical problems (ie she lives across the country, it would have to be a long-term relationship, she's $50,000 in debt from school, etc). These can obviously apply to both genders, just sayin'. I've seen it soo many times it's unnerving. I have a friend whom I won't identify in person but essentially his wife cheated on him and he got to the point where he was suicidal, the worst part of all is I couldn't help him at the time cause I was in the military and stationed overseas. My cousin's ex for whatever strange unbeknownst reason basically went mental and decided to basically not really cheat on my cousin but just blatantly dump him outright, like they already had a kid, home, good jobs and educations and she nuked it because she got the hots for some other guy, and left; went across the country, lived with him on the West Coast for a few months and came back to Connecticut, and then they went to Disneyland for like 6 months straight on and off (literally this is no joke, she has like a Disney fetish or something). I had a good friend once (this time a girl, Christian too) thought she married Mr. Perfect and it turns out he was cheating on her as well, and secretly gay, dating a dude; not that there's anything wrong with that but come on people. They broke up shortly thereafter, divorced and she almost had a mental breakdown. Thing is... all these people, hardworking, good, super nice, very attractive, salt of the Earth kinda people who actually stabilize society and make it a better place, and they still get shat on. I really don't know. Is it a mental birth defect? Do some of us just don't have that mental faculty to discern that this person _probably_ isn't a good match for me, but I'm gonna date them anyway? At least in my case (FWIW) when I first met, and started dating my (now) wife for the longest time my friends and family gave me crap because I didn't tie the knot sooner than they thought I should've. My own Mom accused me of stringing her along, which was hardly the case. Me... being the paranoid schizophrenic I am proceed very cautiously in relationships. I think we dated for something like 3½ years before we even began to think about getting married. Our parents were more chomping at the bit for it to happen. I don't get it and it will always be an enigmatic mystery to me.


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## Fred2 (Nov 10, 2018)

Not sure if totally related but I know that I am self conscious when I put on a bit of weight and have 'manboobs', or or a bit of a 'spare tyre' around the midsection.. and have mentioned it a bit when been in company of 500-600 pound women who literally roll their eyes.


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## TwoSwords (Nov 10, 2018)

Fred2 said:


> Not sure if totally related but I know that I am self conscious when I put on a bit of weight and have 'manboobs', or or a bit of a 'spare tyre' around the midsection.. and have mentioned it a bit when *been in company of 500-600 pound women* who literally roll their eyes.



You lucky man.


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## ChubbyPear (Nov 11, 2018)

It's rare to see it the other way around, but I'm a fat woman who is generally attracted to athletic men. I have a tendency to wind up dating bodybuilders but that's not a goal of mine. For me, an "athletic" man is ht/wt proportionate, healthy, very strong, has endurance, looks good in jeans and a t-shirt, or a suit, and can do all sorts of fun stuff behind closed doors (back to that STRONG part). That package doesn't necessarily require chiseled abs! LOTS of men consider a fat (or even just less than supermodel perfect) woman who wants a fit man to be a hypocrite. I think my preference comes down to a couple of things. One is that I am a big woman and I really like those bedroom olympics... A really out of shape man cannot handle me the way I like to be handled. Another is probably unfair on my part, but I've just always observed that it's MUCH easier for men (in general) to keep an "average" weight and/or put on muscle than it is for women. As someone who has spent my entire life fighting desperately to try to be a normal weight and being terrorized by others for failing, it turns me off to see a man (most of whom can easily control their body weight if they want to) who is extremely out of shape. I think to myself that he is probably very lazy and wimpy. I know that's not the case for ALL fat men, just like there are women who could have control over their weight and choose not to, and I have occasionally dated chubby guys who were super strong. 






y2kboris1 said:


> I feel the need to preface this discussion with a disclaimer: a few years back while having a discussion on fantasyfeeder I proposed the question "Is it hypocritical to want to have a fat partner while wanting to be physically fit/ in shape / and or thin?" or something to that effect. The thing is at the time the thread kind of self-destructed with some proposing that I did harbor anti-fat hatred if only subconsciously while many more empathized with my plight. At the time I don't really feel as though I got an adequate answer to that question; so now I propose it again all to you here, and hopefully this time there can be a civil discussion without some of the familiars (those who frequent FF, Curvage, and Dims) from getting angry outright. My situation is slightly different now from then. In the intervening time I have gotten married to my wonderful wife whom I love very much ( she is a big girl about 220 lbs) and I have gained weight, lost it gained it again, and lost again. Currently I am on another fitness kick and I have lost quite a lot. The question always creeps back though and I wonder, because she has expressed interest in getting in shape, but sorta lacks the willpower to follow through a lot of the time; and this isn't an issue of I want her to stay fat cause I consider myself "bi-sizual" as some have to come to call it in the FA/FFA community. I'll be happy whether she is fat or skinny cause she's that pretty and delightful, but it still nags me sometimes. One question that I did get answered was my parent's acceptance, which interestingly is; well they love her too. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this issue and whether or not it seems legitimate or if I'm just overreacting or if I have some moral imperative to help my wife lose weight if she wants to. I feel conflicted about it but I can respect her wishes. If you frequent Curvage or FF as well as here and you remember this discussion I would appreciate if you would identify yourself via avatar or NN/callsign and what your original thoughts were. Lastly I would kindly ask this discussion remain civil as last time Saphiel Sir on FF had to nuke it previously.


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## landshark (Nov 11, 2018)

ChubbyPear said:


> It's rare to see it the other way around, but I'm a fat woman who is generally attracted to athletic men. I have a tendency to wind up dating bodybuilders but that's not a goal of mine. For me, an "athletic" man is ht/wt proportionate, healthy, very strong, has endurance, looks good in jeans and a t-shirt, or a suit, and can do all sorts of fun stuff behind closed doors (back to that STRONG part). That package doesn't necessarily require chiseled abs! LOTS of men consider a fat (or even just less than supermodel perfect) woman who wants a fit man to be a hypocrite. I think my preference comes down to a couple of things. One is that I am a big woman and I really like those bedroom olympics... A really out of shape man cannot handle me the way I like to be handled. Another is probably unfair on my part, but I've just always observed that it's MUCH easier for men (in general) to keep an "average" weight and/or put on muscle than it is for women. As someone who has spent my entire life fighting desperately to try to be a normal weight and being terrorized by others for failing, it turns me off to see a man (most of whom can easily control their body weight if they want to) who is extremely out of shape. I think to myself that he is probably very lazy and wimpy. I know that's not the case for ALL fat men, just like there are women who could have control over their weight and choose not to, and I have occasionally dated chubby guys who were super strong.



It’s perfectly okay for you to be who you are but to prefer athletic men. As an athletic man I thank God there are plus size women who will date and marry us. There’s nothing hypocritical about liking what you like and being available to the right person who likes you, especially when they fit the description for what you like. 

I’ve encountered this off and on over the years and my wife has even had acquaintances imply to her that she is lucky to be with me given her weight. That’s a horrible thing to imply to a woman.

Like what you like, take what’s yours and don’t apologize to anyone for it. My wife doesn’t!


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## Navydude (Nov 11, 2018)

ChubbyPear said:


> It's rare to see it the other way around, but I'm a fat woman who is generally attracted to athletic men. I have a tendency to wind up dating bodybuilders but that's not a goal of mine. For me, an "athletic" man is ht/wt proportionate, healthy, very strong, has endurance, looks good in jeans and a t-shirt, or a suit, and can do all sorts of fun stuff behind closed doors (back to that STRONG part). That package doesn't necessarily require chiseled abs! LOTS of men consider a fat (or even just less than supermodel perfect) woman who wants a fit man to be a hypocrite. I think my preference comes down to a couple of things. One is that I am a big woman and I really like those bedroom olympics... A really out of shape man cannot handle me the way I like to be handled. Another is probably unfair on my part, but I've just always observed that it's MUCH easier for men (in general) to keep an "average" weight and/or put on muscle than it is for women. As someone who has spent my entire life fighting desperately to try to be a normal weight and being terrorized by others for failing, it turns me off to see a man (most of whom can easily control their body weight if they want to) who is extremely out of shape. I think to myself that he is probably very lazy and wimpy. I know that's not the case for ALL fat men, just like there are women who could have control over their weight and choose not to, and I have occasionally dated chubby guys who were super strong.


I don’t think is hypocritical to like what you like. We’re all attracted to what we’re attracted to, and attraction is just a starting point to initiate a conversation.


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## LoveDDD (Nov 24, 2018)

Hi I’m new to this site and forum but I actually like my partner to be thinner, smiles, it helps us fit together in many levels at times... so I do not see anything wrong with it. Thank you - Love



y2kboris1 said:


> I feel the need to preface this discussion with a disclaimer: a few years back while having a discussion on fantasyfeeder I proposed the question "Is it hypocritical to want to have a fat partner while wanting to be physically fit/ in shape / and or thin?" or something to that effect. The thing is at the time the thread kind of self-destructed with some proposing that I did harbor anti-fat hatred if only subconsciously while many more empathized with my plight. At the time I don't really feel as though I got an adequate answer to that question; so now I propose it again all to you here, and hopefully this time there can be a civil discussion without some of the familiars (those who frequent FF, Curvage, and Dims) from getting angry outright. My situation is slightly different now from then. In the intervening time I have gotten married to my wonderful wife whom I love very much ( she is a big girl about 220 lbs) and I have gained weight, lost it gained it again, and lost again. Currently I am on another fitness kick and I have lost quite a lot. The question always creeps back though and I wonder, because she has expressed interest in getting in shape, but sorta lacks the willpower to follow through a lot of the time; and this isn't an issue of I want her to stay fat cause I consider myself "bi-sizual" as some have to come to call it in the FA/FFA community. I'll be happy whether she is fat or skinny cause she's that pretty and delightful, but it still nags me sometimes. One question that I did get answered was my parent's acceptance, which interestingly is; well they love her too. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this issue and whether or not it seems legitimate or if I'm just overreacting or if I have some moral imperative to help my wife lose weight if she wants to. I feel conflicted about it but I can respect her wishes. If you frequent Curvage or FF as well as here and you remember this discussion I would appreciate if you would identify yourself via avatar or NN/callsign and what your original thoughts were. Lastly I would kindly ask this discussion remain civil as last time Saphiel Sir on FF had to nuke it previously.


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## Blockierer (Nov 25, 2018)

y2kboris1 said:


> I feel the need to preface this discussion with a disclaimer: a few years back while having a discussion on fantasyfeeder I proposed the question "Is it hypocritical to want to have a fat partner while wanting to be physically fit/ in shape / and or thin?" or something to that effect. ....



Nothing is hypocritical to have a fat partner while being slim or muscular. It's always been one of my fantasies to be the skinny/athletic lover or husband of a fat woman. She knew at the first date that I like fat women. I'm really proud that I managed my dreams have come true. There are a lot of things I like in our skinny-fat relationship, the contrast of a fat to a athletic body, the attention you will get when you are in public with your fattie, people will keep in mind that you are the one who's married to a 410 lbs woman (she has), the fact that people know that you have preference or fetish for fat women, and so on. I think its a win-win-situation for both.


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## y2kboris1 (Jan 15, 2019)

happily_married said:


> It’s perfectly okay for you to be who you are but to prefer athletic men. As an athletic man I thank God there are plus size women who will date and marry us. There’s nothing hypocritical about liking what you like and being available to the right person who likes you, especially when they fit the description for what you like.
> 
> I’ve encountered this off and on over the years and my wife has even had acquaintances imply to her that she is lucky to be with me given her weight. That’s a horrible thing to imply to a woman.
> 
> Like what you like, take what’s yours and don’t apologize to anyone for it. My wife doesn’t!



Ducking back in; it's been a while. How rude of them (Gross). Whatever happened to mutualism? I've found in life that people who act like they're entitled to something just because they have money, or are attractive themselves have about the awareness of a sour grapefruit. I would say in generality that taking things for granted (like your wife especially if she loves you) is really sacrilege because any number of unpleasant things can happen in life, at us, or to us. There are no guarantees that any of us won't die next week from some completely unforeseen event so it's ridiculous to try an 'one-up' others by talking about how one could do better, or how lucky you are, or how lucky they are. I can see the banter now between two dudebros hashing it out: "OH YEA MAN YOUR WIFE IS T3H HOTZ. _I wish my girl would lose weight..._" ; and then tragically and ironically next week they both die in a car crash. Then they'll both be a** out with no form of recourse. To the fool who undervalues his own partner, and the other who doesn't appreciate his. For this reason I think it's foolish to bloviate on one's predicaments in life. You might just invoke the wrath of God, nature, the universe, or the Law Of Murphy.


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## wrenchboy (Jan 16, 2019)

I am a average sized man and 10years ago I married a bbw. She has since lost 60 lbs or so down to about 250 lbs. I loved her at 310 and I love her at 250. And she loves me at 160. We support each other. If it were my choice she would gain weight but it is her body that she has to live with. When we first met she was extremely self conscious and ashamed with her size. She still is, but with my support and love and attraction she is more comfortable about being a plus size. She is baffled about how anyone could be attracted to an overweight person. 
Unfortunately as we all know modern society frowns upon the obese. But as of lately we are starting to become more tolerant and accepting of the things and people that we do not understand. My mother does not like tattoos. I have several and when I showed her and explained the meaning behind each one she now see tattoos a little bit differently now.
When I told her that I was dating a woman that was getting a bit serious (my current wife) she asked if she was overweight. I proudly said yes. And when asked why I liked fat women. I replied that it is what I am attracted to. Just like my mother likes the color teal and unicorns. I like plus size women. 
I don't think it is hypocritical to be attracted to someone who is different from you. I am a male does that mean that I should be attracted to men? Not gonna happen. 
When I married my wife we promised to love and support each other through thick and thin. No pun intended. Is there things that she would change about me? Of course! We talk about desires and dreams and we support each other through it all. Has it been easy? Oh hell no! But in the end we are together. And we are happy together. And that what matters.


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## GrowingBoy (Feb 2, 2019)

It is not at all hypocritical to have a different preference for yourself versus your partner. The contrast in weights may in fact be a large part of the mutual attraction. For my part, I love the idea of a slender FFA fattening me up for her pleasure: https://www.confessionpost.com/8908/My-wife-is-fattening-me-up


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## Mainegal (Feb 5, 2019)

As a thinner woman who is most attracted to sbhm/ssbhm's, I have found that the "type" of men i am attracted to aren't attracted to me because of my size - lucky wonderful bbw/sbbw/ssbbw 's!!!

We are attracted to who we are attracted to- as an almost 50 year old person, it's difficult to move beyond looks when meeting folks on the internet.


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## BigElectricKat (Feb 5, 2019)

Mainegal said:


> As a thinner woman who is most attracted to sbhm/ssbhm's, I have found that the "type" of men i am attracted to aren't attracted to me because of my size - lucky wonderful bbw/sbbw/ssbbw 's!!!
> 
> We are attracted to who we are attracted to- as an almost 50 year old person, it's difficult to move beyond looks when meeting folks on the internet.


I get what you are saying on so many levels. I have a somewhat similar problem, although I'm not a thinner person. I'm a little too fat for the women who like them thin and a little too thin for the ones who like 'em bigger. But as you said, looks are what we see first when dealing with the internet so it's all we have to go by unless and until you have a chance to evaluate other things.


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## luckyfa (Jun 25, 2021)

Physical attraction isn‘t a one-way-street. Assuming that a thin person shouldn‘t want to desire a fat partner implies that the fat partner automatically desires a fat partner as well. Reality shows that there are thin people who desire fat partners and that there are fat people who desire thin people. My wife and I are the best example: I love fat women and my wife loves lean athletic men. It so happens that my wife is fat and I am thin. We‘re both well aware of our contrast and love the extra kick we get out of it.


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## Broseph (Jun 26, 2021)

I don't think it's hypocritical. My experience suggests that the reasons "why" I'm attracted to fat partners are not really "logical" in the sense that my beliefs about the world are (hopefully most of the time) logical. So I don't think attraction is a domain where logical consistency applies. Who says only those who are similar in body size can be attracted to one another? Or that a person has to wish to have the same body type as their partner before they can be attracted to them? Would we say the same thing about culture or language? Age? Hair color? Political belief? Gender? I've spent a long time trying to understand why I'm an FA, reading psychology and philosophy, trying to justify it etc. It's been good for me to let go of that whole thing and just embrace it as a beautiful and perfectly acceptable fact of my life  Anyway, those are my thoughts on the issue.


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## luckyfa (Jun 26, 2021)

Broseph said:


> I've spent a long time trying to understand why I'm an FA, reading psychology and philosophy, trying to justify it etc


 I did the same and it got me nowhere, lol.


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## y2kboris1 (Aug 13, 2021)

*This* Lucky. I've often wondered the same thing. As best I can tell it, I am the only one in my entire family who fancies bigger women (bigger people in general; none of my female family members like as best I know like bigger men); so I am the only one. I don't know if being an FA is genetic or if it's because of environmental factors (nurture) or both, but that has always made me scratch my head. To be fair it might originate from my Dad's side, but from the best I can tell, my Dad wasn't into bigger women either (both my Mom and his ex before my Mom were smaller women), and supposedly my grandfather on my Dad's side, my grandmother was this super-petite, tiny. skinny, little blonde lady, so I'm not sure there either. Maybe I DID inherit it from my grandmother? (reversed maybe?) My grandfather was supposedly a really big dude, like 6"5 solid muscle, barrel chested, redheaded man, who was also fat, and had anger issues. From the way my Dad described it to my Mom. and then her to me my grandfather was the kind of person who would get agitated at the slightest things and always be hot-headed so their temperaments were completely opposite one another, as was the nature of their physical manifestations. Course my Dad was about average-sized to thinner/taller, but supposedly when my Mom and my Dad met, she wasn't like fat-fat, but she was slightly chubbier than she usually was. Interesting thoughts to chew on though...


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## Shotha (Aug 14, 2021)

y2kboris1 said:


> *This* Lucky. I've often wondered the same thing. As best I can tell it, I am the only one in my entire family who fancies bigger women (bigger people in general; none of my female family members like as best I know like bigger men); so I am the only one. I don't know if being an FA is genetic or if it's because of environmental factors (nurture) or both, but that has always made me scratch my head. To be fair it might originate from my Dad's side, but from the best I can tell, my Dad wasn't into bigger women either (both my Mom and his ex before my Mom were smaller women), and supposedly my grandfather on my Dad's side, my grandmother was this super-petite, tiny. skinny, little blonde lady, so I'm not sure there either. Maybe I DID inherit it from my grandmother? (reversed maybe?) My grandfather was supposedly a really big dude, like 6"5 solid muscle, barrel chested, redheaded man, who was also fat, and had anger issues. From the way my Dad described it to my Mom. and then her to me my grandfather was the kind of person who would get agitated at the slightest things and always be hot-headed so their temperaments were completely opposite one another, as was the nature of their physical manifestations. Course my Dad was about average-sized to thinner/taller, but supposedly when my Mom and my Dad met, she wasn't like fat-fat, but she was slightly chubbier than she usually was. Interesting thoughts to chew on though...



I was long puzzled, as to why I was attracted to fat men. According to family history, my mother's side of the family were concerned that my mother would be "left on the shelf", as she rejected one suitor after another. She finally met my father, who was a fat man, and they had a whirlwind romance and got married as soon as they could. I reckon that my preference for fat men comes from my mother. I had to put a lot of effort into putting on weight but, when it finally worked, it went all on my belly, just like my dad.

I don't think that there is anything hypocritical about being attracted to fat people but not wanting to be fat oneself. After all the majority of people are attracted to members of the opposite sex with wanting to be a member of that sex.


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## Tad (Aug 14, 2021)

I don't have a reference, but I read somewhere that a lot of the details of our sexual attraction seem to form from age 2-4, while we get a bit of a hormone surge. We remember very little from those years, so by the time we have enough identity to remember our feelings/thoughts that stuff has 'always been there.' Basic sexuality more likely sets in in embryo, and the division between what is genetic, what is epigentic, what sets in embryo based on hormone exposure, and what sets during those toddler years is still not all clear.


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## Shotha (Aug 14, 2021)

Tad said:


> I don't have a reference, but I read somewhere that a lot of the details of our sexual attraction seem to form from age 2-4, while we get a bit of a hormone surge. We remember very little from those years, so by the time we have enough identity to remember our feelings/thoughts that stuff has 'always been there.' Basic sexuality more likely sets in in embryo, and the division between what is genetic, what is epigentic, what sets in embryo based on hormone exposure, and what sets during those toddler years is still not all clear.



Interesting. I agree with you about sexuality. It's now clearly established that sexuality is determined by the time that we're born. I must find out more about the other stuff. I know that by the age of four I was already interested in fat people. I wanted to be a fat man and so I started padding around that age. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I used to answer something cool like "An astronaut" but I really wanted t o say "A fat man". It's interesting that my liking of fat people manifested itself so early but being gay didn't become obvious until puberty.


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## loopytheone (Aug 15, 2021)

I can confirm that I was infautated with fat people from way before the age of 4, at least. My memories get hazy around 2 years old, but I definitely remember having what I would now describe as fat/tight clothing/stuckage interests from before I went to school at 4 years old. 

I honestly think it is something you are born with. Whether or not it is genetic, epigenetic, hormonal... eh, who knows. The same could be said for sexuality in general, I think. I think most of it is decided, to some extent, before you are born. I doubt we will ever figure out the mechanics of it, and it could have random chance involved, even. I kind of think it is best that there are some things we don't understand 100% on a mechanical level, though.


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## FFAFarmher (Aug 15, 2021)

To answer the thread question. I don't think there is anything hypocritical with finding fat attractive while not wanting to be fat yourself. I for LOVE contrast. 

On what @Tad said that's very interesting! It interesting to look back on what could have added up to having a fat preference. I definitely have always been wired with an attraction towards bigger softer bodied men. I think it might have very well started in toddler years. My Grandpa who lived with us was a big, heavy man. Every morning I would spend an hour or so cuddled up on his belly while he was in his easy chair watch birds, was my favorite spot snuggled up on Grandpa. And most of the people in my family are bigger. I don't know if also being on the autism spectrum and having a fondness of everything soft to the touch also contributed too who knows. But I definitely wouldn't want to not have a fat preference/attraction


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## mathfa (Aug 15, 2021)

I mean, I am an underweight person. A few years ago I did struggle with some dysmorphia and minor anorexia, although the reason I'm so thin is more genetics, I eat a ton nowadays and am only moderately active. I've had certain feelings about overweight people since I was a young kid, but it didn't really crystalize until I was 10, and I didn't recognize it as sexual till I was more like 14. 

I don't really see it as hypocritical. My girlfriend likes thin, nerdy types, is she hypocritical for liking that because she's overweight? Of course not. You don't have to look like what you are attracted to. People with dark hair can like redheads without dyeing their hair. Short people can like tall people without having to grow 

I avoid using the "a man can like a woman without being one" argument because sexual identity is more fundamental than a preference like what is being discussed in this thread. And yes, I call being an FA a preference, I'm not sure we would view it as an identity if it wasn't for all the marginalization experienced.


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## luckyfa (Aug 16, 2021)

mathfa said:


> I don't really see it as hypocritical. My girlfriend likes thin, nerdy types, is she hypocritical for liking that because she's overweight? Of course not. You don't have to look like what you are attracted to. People with dark hair can like redheads without dyeing their hair. Short people can like tall people without having to grow
> .



I fully agree with you. It can‘t be hypocritical because it‘s all about mutual taste in a relationship. I love my wife being fat and she loves me being thin and we both love our contrast. How can this ever be hypocritical? Eventually, it all boils down to saying that fat people should only date fat people, that they‘re not supposed to date according to their preference. Isn‘t this the exact opposite of fat acceptance?


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## Shotha (Aug 16, 2021)

luckyfa said:


> I fully agree with you. It can‘t be hypocritical because it‘s all about mutual taste in a relationship. I love my wife being fat and she loves me being thin and we both love our contrast. How can this ever be hypocritical? Eventually, it all boils down to saying that fat people should only date fat people, that they‘re not supposed to date according to their preference. Isn‘t this the exact opposite of fat acceptance?



Someone recently asked me, if I only date fat guys, because I'm fat and it's all I can get. The reason that I date fat guys is that I find them attractive, almost exclusively so.


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## luckyfa (Aug 16, 2021)

Shotha said:


> Someone recently asked me, if I only date fat guys, because I'm fat and it's all I can get. The reason that I date fat guys is that I find them attractive, almost exclusively so.


 
That‘s the flip side of the issue. To be happy themselves, some people have to make assumptions about other people‘s preferences and their motivations


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## Shotha (Aug 16, 2021)

luckyfa said:


> That‘s the flip side of the issue. To be happy themselves, some people have to make assumptions about other people‘s preferences and their motivations



The question came from a much younger man, whom I try to help to be more confident in himself. He's a lovely fat gay boy but he only knows about fat people's relationships through TV and cinema. Here in New Zealand that does not instill confidence into young fat people. Obviously, my preference for other fat men was only confirming his expectation that only fat men will be available. I would rather have people ask me this question rather than see them remaining ignorant of the fact that FA's come in all shapes and sizes. He's now happier and more confident and has made himself over as a bear. He makes a lovely bear. I look forward to seeing him find love one day.


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## y2kboris1 (Nov 6, 2021)

landshark said:


> It’s perfectly okay for you to be who you are but to prefer athletic men. As an athletic man I thank God there are plus size women who will date and marry us. There’s nothing hypocritical about liking what you like and being available to the right person who likes you, especially when they fit the description for what you like.
> 
> I’ve encountered this off and on over the years and my wife has even had acquaintances imply to her that she is lucky to be with me given her weight. That’s a horrible thing to imply to a woman.
> 
> Like what you like, take what’s yours and don’t apologize to anyone for it. My wife doesn’t!



Landshark another reply. *THIS.* I can't tell you how often in life that has been an issue for me. On the one hand, some of the members of FF accused me of being hypocritical, but on the other hand in the past when I've tried to date, sometimes in the past the girls I've fancied would wonder why in the world this relatively skinny, physically fit guy would want to date a bigger/fatter woman? I can't tell you how many times the ladies questioned it, or simply didn't want to proceed forwards cause they thought we would be a mismatch, and it really hurt too when you really liked the girl in question. I've also experienced the misfortune of having to deal with people who thought they were a shoo-in, (because like me, they were physically fit and in shape) and dealing with people's anger on top of the sense of entitlement back in the day could be exhausting.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 7, 2021)

It's no more hypocritical than fat people that like screwing thin people, IMO. We all get to like what we like


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## Shotha (Nov 7, 2021)

There's one old proverb that sums all of this up: "There's no accounting for taste." Some of us are gay and others straight; some like blondes and other like brunettes; some like fat people and others like thin people. Enjoy what you like and spread a little happiness around.


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## J_Underscore (Dec 21, 2021)

My thoughts are what Shotha said, to each their own. Also it's nice to meet you Shotha and yes, I think I will enjoy what I like and try to spread some happiness 

There's no one size fits all (NOT A PUN), people are very unique and complicated, each relationship is different.

What matters is what your partner wants, how you work together and make sure it's a two way street.

Like broseph and lucky, I've tried to understand my desire and found looking at how early memories track with psychological development works well (one for another thread perhaps). My memory is not as good as loopy's though  WOW that's incredible.


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