# Body or attitude?



## Tad (Apr 23, 2014)

What is more important to you: that your partner be fat, or that they like fat? (that is, they think being fat would be cool, whether or not they are fat)


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## lille (Apr 23, 2014)

For me it's more about attitude. Having a fat partner who hated being fat and didn't enjoy me loving on their chub would suck all the fun out of it.


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## Amaranthine (Apr 23, 2014)

I'm the opposite, in that I'm more body-focused. I've never dated anyone into being fat and that doesn't bother me. But that's granting that they don't completely hate their body/my enjoyment of it. Self-esteem/confidence issues aren't a big thing unless they're prevalent and persisting. 

But I don't think I could be as satisfied in a relationship where the person liked the idea of being fat but...wasn't. I've never gotten the allure of feeder-feedee type relationships where the partner starts off thin, because I'd spend a good deal of time...well...not being that attracted to them, and gaining doesn't do enough for me to make up for it. Come to think of it, in comparison to someone who wasn't into it but still confident/happy with themselves, that attitude wouldn't really add much for me.


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## bmann0413 (Apr 24, 2014)

Attitude. It's always about the attitude. At least, for me.


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## Highsteppa (Apr 24, 2014)

Both for me.


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## Jah (Apr 24, 2014)

I voted that being fat is more important. I'd rather get with someone that is already fat than someone that is for example skinny and wants to get fat and loves the idea of being fat. My husband has always been fat although he doesn't seem to care about the fact that he is fat.


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## Jon Blaze (Apr 24, 2014)

It's more about the degree of self love one has than love for fat in and of itself. Very few people are 100% happy with themselves all the time, and that's fine. But there's always a point where it can become a serious issue.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Apr 26, 2014)

If I were to eliminate from consideration all the women who are dissatisfied with their bodies, I would have slim pickings in more than one way.


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## loopytheone (Apr 26, 2014)

Both are important to me. I don't think I could be attracted physically to someone who wasn't big, though as someone who generally identifies as asexual I don't find that such a big deal. But it is also important that they don't have a huge, deep seated self hatred that is beyond my ability to help. I don't mind helping friends or partners with self confidence and self perception issues. Similarly I am actually turned off by super confident people that want to flaunt their bodies everywhere... it makes me think that there is an issue deep down that they are trying to hide from themselves by acting that way. Confidence is attract but over confidence makes me uncomfortable.


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## tonynyc (Apr 26, 2014)

Both............... ....


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## Forgotten_Futures (Apr 29, 2014)

Since I'm a non-exclusive FA, I can't very well say "be fat" in good conscience, but when I do come across an attractive fat woman, her attitude about her body is more important than her body itself. As an overall inclusive statement, I would say "be accepting of their body, whatever its size or shape".


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## SydneyScreams (May 5, 2014)

It's most important that they like fat!! Their personalities are always more important to me than their weight


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## devinprater (May 11, 2014)

My thing is that they like being fat. I dated a girl that was a good 240 or so pounds, and she hated being fat. We broke up because she was also a rather mean girl. But yeah, if a girl is fat and loves fat effection and belly rubs, then that is perfection. If she's skinny, but likes my fat or wants to be fat, then I'll be her feeder, or feedee if she likes my fat, and we'll be fine... until I squish her


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## ToniTails (Jun 21, 2014)

liking or not caring one way or the other about the fat


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## wrenchboy (Sep 16, 2014)

I think that being fat is more important. If you are an fa and you are only attracted to a fat person then if you were with a thin person the relationship probably wouldn't work out. 
With the extreme rarity because of today's common standards it seems much more difficult to get a partner to gain weight than for an fa to find someone to accept their size.
Case in point. My wife is a self loathing ssbbw and I am extremely happy with her size. But over the years her self confidence has grown as a direct result of my love and attention and appreciation of her body. So in the end I get both!


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## Azrael (Sep 16, 2014)

I'm a feeder so my answer is pretty much attitude.

It doesn't bug me if they're thin, average, or chubby but if they *want to be fat* and actively think it's attractive than that is awesome for me.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Sep 21, 2014)

This was a hard one. Being fat is important to my libido, but i spend waaay more of my time with my SO than in the bedroom...do him liking (or in this case tolerating) his fat is important. Hes had bouts of violently strong self loathing and i cant take it - i need him to be ok with it, if only in a "well as long as you like it" sort of way. 

If i could make the choice between him putting on another 30 lbs or loving his plumpness and never gaining another ounce, id choose the attitude, not weight! 

But if the question is more totally skinny or attitude...id be split.


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## Ohio Lady (Sep 21, 2014)

I would say both.. however it is how you look at yourself and others and the attitude you have about it all.. ~


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## ClashCityRocker (Sep 21, 2014)

having to convince a fat partner that they're attractive, despite the constant pressure from society which suggests otherwise, is not only draining, but kind of a drag. attitude, in this case, is extremely important, but it's not black and white enough to say one or the other.


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## jakub (Sep 25, 2014)

both......


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## Fat Molly (Sep 25, 2014)

I tend to agree with CCR re: trying to convince someone that they're beautiful is draining.

But functionally it looks like I voted against my own actions. Intrinsically I feel that changing an attitude is significantly harder than changing a body. I also know I'm significantly less attracted to thin people and significantly more attracted to fat people. My SO is chubby and he doesn't like it/feel comfortable with his fat. If he lost a good amount of weight, I would still be with him, but we'd have to probably renegotiate the terms of our partnership significantly. So in practice, I guess I initially care more about being fat, but when it comes to the nuts and bolts of a relationship, having an attitude of positivity about it - even if it's not always positive - that's important to me.


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## Never2fat4me (Sep 27, 2014)

As any FA would say, I am looking for both in a partner. However, I cannot be attracted to a BBW who wishes she were not fat. Been there, done that, have the scars from break-up. (Lovely woman otherwise, but always telling me that I would love her more if she were just thinner grew exhausting.) 

Bottom line is: if you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to do so either?

- Chris


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## landshark (Oct 1, 2014)

Attitude is more important to me. My wife hated being fat and it reached a point of self loathing almost. She has lost a lot of weight and is much happier with herself as a result. I have found my preferences for her weight were really pretty fluid. Her happiness is more important.


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## bigmac (Oct 19, 2014)

Its like a flow chart:

Step One; does she have a hot body -- if yes proceed to step two.

Step Two; does she have any personality issues that would make enjoyment of said hot body difficult -- if no proceed to step three.

Step Three; attempt to establish relationship (or at least a brief encounter).


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