# How can you tell she's an FFA?



## eightyseven (Apr 29, 2006)

In the past, I've always been curious about whether or not the girls that I've dated or had "things" with have been into me just because of my personality (I'd like to hope that's why there were interested) or if they were also into bigger guys as well (I'm 5'10'', 235 lbs.). Many times, it just never came up as a topic, or even if she did mention slightly that she liked that I was bigger (I've gotten the "I like linemen type" line once or twice), her dating patterns as far as the build of guys she's been with is entirely inconsistent. The other thing too is that I like big girls myself... so it can be even more of a challenge to figure out if she's into my body because she is often bigger than me.

So how do I go about figuring this out? I'm not really into the whole explicitly asking thing... it's too upfront for me and I'm afraid it would be awkward. Do I observe the way/where she touches me? I just don't know how to approach this because while all I really care about is that she's attracted to me in general, it would be nice to know if it's physical too. Thanks in advance for your advice/thoughts!


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## PolarKat (Apr 29, 2006)

She mention "I like linemen type", and your size fits well into to that category, it might just mean she likes a husky fellow, or simply put she just indirectly complimented you.

Question is, Does it really matter? Does your size define your entire being, or is it just part of the package.. If you really need to know, just wait.. eventually she'll tell you in one way or another what she likes about you physically.


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## AZ_Wolf (Apr 29, 2006)

In many cases it may not matter. And with some women, it might be some small factor, if even just the "cherry on top of the sundae." Actually, it would be much healthier if she liked more about you than just your weight/bodytype. And I'd also say it's a good thing if a given woman's dating history isn't completely representative of any particular like.

For example, I really, really, really like long hair on women. But you'd never be able to discern this by looking at my dating history. However, those times when I *was* with a long-haired woman, I definitely enjoyed that fact as part of the overall puzzle. However, I certainly never chose to date someone (or not date them) based on their hair length. So it's probably quite likely that's also what's at play with the women you've dated and your bodytype.


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## LoveBHMS (Apr 29, 2006)

This is code for 'larger men' for certain.

There is also a difference between being an FFA and just 'liking big guys' and having a fetish or a preference. It may be that you like big guys, but you can still get turned on by a smaller man, but some ladies on here have actual fetishes, where they have to have a fat guy to get excited.

The thing is, if you are big, doesn't it make sense that you will attract FFA's?


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## SisterGoldenHair (Apr 30, 2006)

i don't have much of a "dating history" myself. but crushes were mostly (though not entirely) on big boys. i have crushed on a skinny boy or two... but it's rare.
let's see... how would i give myself away... well i'm always pushing food. i cook things, i bake things, et cetera et cetera. and i have a predisposition for grabbing tummies. and i'll pay lots of indirect complements like the one you mentioned... or else, i'll say something like "i don't like skinny boys." 
and whenever i cuddle with my boyfriend (who, sadly, has lost some weight), i'm either hugging, or kissing, or resting my head on his tummy.


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## inertia (Apr 30, 2006)

i wear a badge that says 'FFA'

that's how you'd tell with me.


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## inertia (Apr 30, 2006)

but, with her, i think you would have to ask to know.

but she might not even know, really.

I can't think of a way to ascertain other than straight asking. Unless a girl's got a reliable history of only dating fat guys, or owns a whole bunch of fat porn, how _would_ one tell?


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## extra_fat_guy (Apr 30, 2006)

inertia said:


> but, with her, i think you would have to ask to know.
> 
> but she might not even know, really.
> 
> I can't think of a way to ascertain other than straight asking. Unless a girl's got a reliable history of only dating fat guys, or owns a whole bunch of fat porn, how _would_ one tell?



I agree with inertia. I think the only way to truly know is to ask her. Unless you met her on dimensions then that should give you a clue.


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## Dibaby35 (May 1, 2006)

Okay with me...I find some way of touching the guy (not sexually..perverts!..LOL). I dunno why I do it..just do. The best is if I can figure out someway of giving a backrub to the guy..LOL. 

Hey I got long hair..LMAO


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## missaf (May 7, 2006)

She may not come right out and tell you, but if she's even the slightest bit interested in you now, I wouldn't even bother asking until later on! I mean, she's already got the hots for you, I'd wait until you really got to know each other, and when you start complimenting her body, see what she says about yours!

Does she suggest food runs for dates? Does she want to go to the beach or swimming, or other opportunities to see you half clothed? She did say "lineman type", so hey, that'd be enough for me


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 7, 2006)

Who cares if she's a FA as long as she admires you?  Some people like all sorts of bodies.


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## AnnMarie (May 7, 2006)

I sort of agree with SL here, especially because you're just not _that_ big of a guy. For instance, I generally prefer guys taller/thinner builds, but you're still within a general body range I'd like, etc. 

So, if I was the girl in question and we're dating, touching, fooling around, etc... then I'm into you - or we wouldn't be doing it. If that makes any sense?

If you mean, in a more general sense, that you want someone who is just 100% hot, into you, you're their ideal, etc... or that they'd like you bigger, or like even bigger guys, then I guess that would involve more conversations and observations of guys they like in real life/media, etc. 

And you're not even around to read all this right now anyway... so tthhhppp.


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## LarryTheShiveringChipmunk (May 7, 2006)

AM: i thought you just went for guys with the veiny hands *wiggles mine* (;


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## Big-Phil (May 7, 2006)

inertia said:


> i wear a badge that says 'FFA'
> 
> that's how you'd tell with me.



Maybe you should share these badges around the other FFAs  It would help me to spot all of those FFAs in the UK D


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## Buffetbelly (May 8, 2006)

I do the typical fat guy thing of insulting myself or making a disparaging remark about my physique, usually in a humorous fashion. A woman's response will tell me everything I need to know:

Outstanding: "Oh, you must be kidding!" <licks lips, caresses the front of your shirt> "You're really sexy! You remind me of my last boyfriend --well maybe he was a little bigger than you are..."

Excellent: "You know, it's all in the way you wear your clothes." <tugs shirt, gooses belly> "You need a little more room in this whole area here, and out here.." <grabs love handle> "Maybe a button down shirt, say in a 22" neck size I'm guessing, might make a better impression than this raggedy T-shirt...."

OK: "You know, most women don't really care about a guy's looks, as long as he's tall and has a good job."

Bad: "Maybe you should just hit the gym. Twenty hours a week on the treadmill and I bet you'd trim that gut in no time."

Very bad: "Say, have you heard about this amazing new surgery where they rip your stomach out and tie your intestines in a bow? My Uncle Joe got it and he lost a lot of weight, and even though he almost died he says it's great! Who knows, it might help you!"


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 8, 2006)

Don't put yourself down! Not out of concern, but it usually annoys the crap out of the other person if you keep doing it.


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## AnnMarie (May 8, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Don't put yourself down! Not out of concern, but it usually annoys the crap out of the other person if you keep doing it.



Agreed .


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## Big-Phil (May 9, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Don't put yourself down! Not out of concern, but it usually annoys the crap out of the other person if you keep doing it.



Sadly I think if you have been fat since a young age, putting yourself down is a defence mechanism.... If you put yourself down, you are basically getting it in before someone else does it to you. After all comments you make are less hurting than comments made by other... It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this and I am reforming..... Honest


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 9, 2006)

Big-Phil said:


> Sadly I think if you have been fat since a young age, putting yourself down is a defence mechanism.... If you put yourself down, you are basically getting it in before someone else does it to you. After all comments you make are less hurting than comments made by other... It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this and I am reforming..... Honest



Oh, I agree that's probably the case. However, there's nothing sexier than self-confidence.


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## Big-Phil (May 9, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Oh, I agree that's probably the case. However, there's nothing sexier than self-confidence.



ahhh this is another reason I have reformed.... I am one self-confident person now.....

However I have to admit it wasn't an easy process, but you soon realise that everyone from time to time have problems with confidence. I guess it is one of those things you learn in the "university of life"..... WOW I thought I would never say that, university of life BAH HUMBUG 

Sorry just ranting now.... I better stop..... Sugar rush from a free lunch....


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 9, 2006)

I think we all do. There are days I get up and I don't want to look in the mirror or get on the scale or eat. I'd rather crawl under my desk in the fetal position and pass out. But life goes on, I have a bowl of cereal, and get my ass to work.


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## Big-Phil (May 9, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> I think we all do. There are days I get up and I don't want to look in the mirror or get on the scale or eat. I'd rather crawl under my desk in the fetal position and pass out. But life goes on, I have a bowl of cereal, and get my ass to work.



Oh not me anymore, I look in the full length mirror once I am dressed and normally think "looking good".... It is nice to leave the house on a high, it empowers you to deal with hundreds of people a day


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 9, 2006)

Ah, see: I just go for self-expression through clothes to face the world. And nothing says it quite like a bright pink "Who is John Galt?" shirt and a pair of patchwork pants.


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## Big-Phil (May 9, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Ah, see: I just go for self-expression through clothes to face the world. And nothing says it quite like a bright pink "Who is John Galt?" shirt and a pair of patchwork pants.




well yes, but I wouldn't look good wearing those ;oP


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 9, 2006)

If you feel good, it's no big deal.


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## Big-Phil (May 9, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> If you feel good, it's no big deal.



ahh yes... it all depends who is doing the feeling P


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 9, 2006)

Ain't that the damned truth!


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## Buffetbelly (May 9, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Don't put yourself down! Not out of concern, but it usually annoys the crap out of the other person if you keep doing it.


 
Oh, I'm sorry. I stupidly keep putting myself down. What a drag I am! Not only am I fat and a terrible glutton, but annoying too! Maybe I should just go crawl in a hole somewhere....


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## Buffetbelly (May 10, 2006)

Just want to add that there's a big difference between chronically putting yourself down and having a self-deprecating sense of humor. Woody Allen is the master of the self-deprecating humor and while he is insecure no one would ever accurse him of having low self-esteem! Same with the late great Rodney Dangerfield.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 10, 2006)

Self-depreciation ain't all that cute. When Rodney and Woody did it (if you like jokes explained to death, listen to me), it made us laugh because we could see ourselves in the joke. It's a socio-anxiety fear realized, and for some reason, that makes us laugh. WAAAAY different than fishing for nice compliments by saying awful things about yourself. JMO.


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## moonvine (May 10, 2006)

Buffetbelly said:


> I do the typical fat guy thing of insulting myself or making a disparaging remark about my physique, usually in a humorous fashion. A woman's response will tell me everything I need to know:



I have to say that this would turn me off immediately. I can't deal with men with no self-confidence in a dating sense (I certainly have empathy for them, though). I'd probably just try to get away as quickly as possible. I wouldn't have any way of knowing it wasn't a real sentiment, but just a fishing expedition.


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## Buffetbelly (May 12, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I have to say that this would turn me off immediately. I can't deal with men with no self-confidence in a dating sense (I certainly have empathy for them, though). I'd probably just try to get away as quickly as possible. I wouldn't have any way of knowing it wasn't a real sentiment, but just a fishing expedition.


 
I have never met a fat guy who didn't put himself down in conversation, either jokingly or for real or a mixture of both. It's the only way to get by in society as part of a despised group. The typical person finds a confident fat man to be grotesque. The stereotype is the beer-bellied construction worker whistling at the female office worker passing by. He is despised for his confidence as much as for his sexism.


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## moonvine (May 12, 2006)

Buffetbelly said:


> I have never met a fat guy who didn't put himself down in conversation, either jokingly or for real or a mixture of both. It's the only way to get by in society as part of a despised group. The typical person finds a confident fat man to be grotesque. The stereotype is the beer-bellied construction worker whistling at the female office worker passing by. He is despised for his confidence as much as for his sexism.




I have only dated confident fat men, so I know they exist. And they are HOT. My ex boyfriend is a confident fat man. He owns his size completely. I've never heard him put himself down in conversation. He has tons of friends and always has a girlfriend. If he asks one girl out and she refuses, he just moves on to the next and doesn't take it personally. He also has a great job. So I believe him to get along in society just fine without self-deprecation. I don't think self-deprecation is ever good, personally.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 12, 2006)

Buffetbelly said:


> I have never met a fat guy who didn't put himself down in conversation, either jokingly or for real or a mixture of both. It's the only way to get by in society as part of a despised group. The typical person finds a confident fat man to be grotesque. The stereotype is the beer-bellied construction worker whistling at the female office worker passing by. He is despised for his confidence as much as for his sexism.



My brother is a confident fat man, for sure. And you know what: Women find him incredibly sexy, fair, and nice. 

And come on: Nice fat dude portrayals are all over. John Candy, Kevin James, and Rodney Dangerfield were all portrayed as smart, nice, attractive fat guys who got the THIN, pretty girl. Try saying that of fat women. We're yet to see the fat woman get the sexy, thin, male musician.


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## William (May 12, 2006)

Hi SadeianLinguist

I do not think fat guys measure real life using a few make believe TV and movie characters. Really John Candy and Chris Farley most often played Fat Sad Sack parts or buffoons. It is all the talk on the Morning Radio Zoos and the rest of media that creates the atmospere we live in.

Still we fat guys should not down on ourselves all the time. 

Also comparing Fat Mens experiences to Fat Womens never creates anything positive for anyone.

William




TheSadeianLinguist said:


> My brother is a confident fat man, for sure. And you know what: Women find him incredibly sexy, fair, and nice.
> 
> And come on: Nice fat dude portrayals are all over. John Candy, Kevin James, and Rodney Dangerfield were all portrayed as smart, nice, attractive fat guys who got the THIN, pretty girl. Try saying that of fat women. We're yet to see the fat woman get the sexy, thin, male musician.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 12, 2006)

Well, it could be argued most MEN play doofs, but they always get the girl. 

The only reason some fat men don't want to discuss the differences between the treatment of fat women and themselves is because they might have to acknowledge they get better treatment. Does it really kill the dominant paradigm to say, "Yeah, sometimes we DO have it better?" If I can admit it's unfair to paint all members of a group with the same broad brush, can't you admit that there are benefits to being part of that group?


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## love dubh (May 12, 2006)

So....ah...Sadeian...I have a profound question for you.


















Who _is_ John Galt?


I really don't know.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 12, 2006)

He's either a genius or a monster. 

(He's a pretty important dude from _Atlas Shrugged_, by Ayn Rand.)


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## William (May 13, 2006)

Hi SadeianLinguist

I think that most Fat Men understand that Fat Women take a lot of the direct public fat abuse given by society. I think that most would disagree that this fact has anything to do with their own acceptance in society as Fat Males. Historically Fat Men have been portrayed as either big, strong and dumb or soft and weak, Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason) would be a good showbiz example of Fat Men.

When I first entered areas like NAAFA and Dimensions Fat Men were told that Fat Men had zero need for Fat Acceptance. Today the communities are much fairer, but still focus too much on its old stereotype of Fat Men.

This thread is a example of this trait of Fat Acceptance, where Fat Males are expected to live their lives as if being Fat has zero effect on them.

William




TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Well, it could be argued most MEN play doofs, but they always get the girl.
> 
> The only reason some fat men don't want to discuss the differences between the treatment of fat women and themselves is because they might have to acknowledge they get better treatment. Does it really kill the dominant paradigm to say, "Yeah, sometimes we DO have it better?" If I can admit it's unfair to paint all members of a group with the same broad brush, can't you admit that there are benefits to being part of that group?


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 13, 2006)

I don't think it's true that fat men don't need acceptance. That's like saying white, straight men don't need acceptance. EVERYONE needs it. However, some groups generally have a lot more.


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## William (May 13, 2006)

Hi SadeianLinguist

I just think that it is sad that the difference in the treatment of Fat Men and Fat Women always seems have to be bought up when Fat Men are sharing their experiences, like it is some kind of disclaimer or something  

William




TheSadeianLinguist said:


> I don't think it's true that fat men don't need acceptance. That's like saying white, straight men don't need acceptance. EVERYONE needs it. However, some groups generally have a lot more.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 13, 2006)

*Throws self back in chair in a state of disgust and exhaustion.*

Okay. That's groovy if fat guys want to share their experiences. Will you not just admit that there's an advantage to being male? If you don't think it's true, go get gender reassignment surgery and report back.


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## William (May 13, 2006)

Hi 

As a group there is a benefit, as individuals and especially at the time you are experiencing some Fat Negativity it is meaningless. Fat experiences are not like math equations. Having more negative experiences on one side of the Genders does not decrease the individual effect of incidences on the other side.

I will never deny that Fat Women get the worse treatment, on my job I am often managing 12 male clients and hear their Fat Women comments. I think that Fat Phobic Men and Women are driven by different motives. With Men especially younger men their Fat Women comments are mixed in with their continual rating of "Women" (insert a derogatory term) as they move as a group. In a way they are just being anit-Women period.

Individually a Fat Woman may run up on a Thin Woman who may ask something like "Have you gained more weight?" I think most Men would consider it too Gay to ask another man the same thing.


William





TheSadeianLinguist said:


> *Throws self back in chair in a state of disgust and exhaustion.*
> 
> Okay. That's groovy if fat guys want to share their experiences. Will you not just admit that there's an advantage to being male? If you don't think it's true, go get gender reassignment surgery and report back.


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## Buffetbelly (May 15, 2006)

The original question was:

*How can you tell she's an FFA? *

Obviously, we are talking about taking stock of a stranger or near-stranger of the opposite sex. Making a self-depreciating remark and seeing if she "rescuses" you or reassures you is a good tactic with someone unknown. If they are not an FFA, which chances are they are not, then the self-depriciating remark is within the social norms.

The responses I got to this post are about *being *a self-confident person, not about a strategy to use with strangers. My suggestion of a soemthing to say to a new acquantance was interpreted by several people to be saying that "there are no fat guys with self confidence" which is NOT what I was saying AT ALL!

(This exchange is typical of on-line misunderstandings. I'm sure this kind of talking-past-each-other would not happen if we were together in the same place chatting.)


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## moonvine (May 15, 2006)

Buffetbelly said:


> The original question was:
> 
> *How can you tell she's an FFA? *
> 
> Obviously, we are talking about taking stock of a stranger or near-stranger of the opposite sex. Making a self-depreciating remark and seeing if she "rescuses" you or reassures you is a good tactic with someone unknown. If they are not an FFA, which chances are they are not, then the self-depriciating remark is within the social norms.



Or, if they are a FFA who doesn't want someone to fix (like me) they will keep right on going anyway. It just seems you are shooting yourself in the foot with this.

I respond to guys coming up and asking for my phone number, or whatever. I don't respond to guys who basically say "Woe is me! I'm so fat!" I guess if you are looking for someone who is looking for someone to fix (and many women are looking for that) it is a good tactic, though.

Personally, I'm more of an 87 admirer than a FFA, though my last boyfriend was fat.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 15, 2006)

It depends on how the remark is done. I dated a guy who was loud and obnoxious and constantly made such remarks. At first I was ok with it...kinda laughed along with him laughing...then it got annoying.

I'm sure in some circles depending on senses of humor it can work.

But for me, I'd much rather be with my current bf. He's a BHM, he's outgoing, and he's not obnoxious. I have enough obnoxiousness for the both of us. 

But I do know that I notice the big guys in any room, moreso when I'm single. I'm also not shy about making the first move, flirting shamelessly, and at the very least, attempt eye contact and give a smile till I can make my way across the room to flirt. .


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