# Some advice please?



## BBW_Wannabe (Apr 16, 2009)

I am having a problem with my parents. I am a Uni student and have left home but I still come home to my parents house during holidays. At which point my mum will say "You have gained weight, which you should lose" or "You need to loose the belly as a big belly does not look nice on women"S

I am just wondering if there is any advice that people could give me on how to deal with parents and weight issues. 
Any advice would be really Appreciated, thanks


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## SamanthaNY (Apr 16, 2009)

"I'm happy, Mum. And I like the way I look and feel. I understand you don't approve, and that's okay."


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## Miss Jayde (Apr 16, 2009)

Sweety, if you live your life for others you will most likely end up being unhappy doing things you dont want to do. And that also entails not doing things you want to do. Parents just want you to be happy. You probably need to let your mum know you are happy with how you look, and have no plans to lose weight. Honesty in that regard may work better?
Tricky situation hun, I feel for ya. Good luck and best wishes.


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## Zoom (Apr 16, 2009)

"I understand you don't approve, and that's okay"?!? OKAY?!? Forget that. I may come across as forceful, but I'd utter the most perfidious profanity if my parents had spoken so self-righteously about any situation of mine like that.

A thing worth fighting for, is worth yelling about.


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## Tracii (Apr 17, 2009)

My Mom gets on to me all the time. I tell her politely mind her own business.


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## BBW_Wannabe (Apr 17, 2009)

Thanks for your advice. Much appriciated, thank you.


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## SamanthaNY (Apr 17, 2009)

Zoom said:


> "I understand you don't approve, and that's okay"?!? OKAY?!? Forget that. I may come across as forceful, but I'd utter the most perfidious profanity if my parents had spoken so self-righteously about any situation of mine like that.
> 
> A thing worth fighting for, is worth yelling about.



Yelling is not going to change her mother's view. What she needs to change is how her mother expresses that view, and in turn, how that affects her. Acknowledging that she understands how her mother feels takes some of the wind out of mom's sails by indicating that her opinion is heard... and disregarded. That will ultimately be much more effective than escalating the negativity through yelling.


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## Rowan (Apr 17, 2009)

You should remind your mom that she is supposed to love you unconditionally as a parent. Would she love you less if you were in an accident and your face was half burnt off? I know some parents say crap like she did thinking its going to help you, but please.


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## LisaInNC (Apr 17, 2009)

What you should say is, "You know what else doesnt look good on women? Fat mouths"


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## altered states (Apr 17, 2009)

My mom got out of control a while ago. She was feeling insecure because she'd moved far away from me, we saw each other less, and perhaps felt she was "losing" me. Maybe a similar thing is going on with you in college? I was sympathetic to a point, but it got to where she was questioning and criticising every aspect of my life mercilessly, including my spouse and her family, which I felt was beyond the pale. Finally, I told her she had to stop. She didn't, so I told her again, this time with the threat that if she couldn't respect me (because once you're an adult, it's a matter of respect) I would cut her off completely from all but the most necessary contact. She did it one more time, and I kept my word. She freaked, but I kept it up, and she finally caved. And though I can't say things have been perfect since, we then had a basis from which to build a proper, adult, respectful relationship, better than it had ever been. Sometimes shock treatment is what's needed.

All that said, it goes both ways. If your parents are paying your bills for schooling, you may have to deal with it for a while longer. I don't know if giving up your education is worth it at this point in your life.


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## BBW_Wannabe (Apr 17, 2009)

Giving up my Uni work is not an option, I will sort something out.
Thanks again.:happy:


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