# First Time Dating FFA...



## roundrevelry (Apr 8, 2012)

I've been in a hand full of long and short term relationships. But never with someone who I thought was too attractive for me. Now I know "too attractive" is something I probably fabricated in my head. However the gorgeous girl I've been chatting with via a dating site (okcupid) is to me at least what I'd consider out of my league. 

I'm confident in my looks. My biggest insecurity is my weight. This is where I need help. Some of you guys who post here are bigger than me, some smaller but so many of you seem to have the confidence to go after your dream girls. The kicker is that I know she prefers large men. And she's quite average as far as weight goes. I've just never been on the receiving end of this!

I would really like to get over this insecurity fast. Thus far we get on great. We make each other laugh etc, etc.... all good stuff. Help me here! :doh:

I've got confidence in so many things I do. How do I find it for this situation?


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## samuraiscott (Apr 8, 2012)

You have already been in several long term relationships. Treat this as the same type of situation as those and just go with it. If she likes you for who you are and what you look like, then awesome. If not, you know by past experiences that there are women who find you attractive. Just take it as it comes. Don't over think it and even if you guys don't end up being in a LTR maybe at least you can be friends.


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## LeoGibson (Apr 8, 2012)

I'd help you but unfortunately,


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## rellis10 (Apr 8, 2012)

Unfortunatly there probably is no quick fix for confidence or insecurity, the only real solution is experience. You will gain confidence in your weight over time as you realise it isn't an issue with the person you're with.

You know she's into the larger guy, so try not to freak out for the sake of her in any 'intimate' situations. By this I mean the kind of thought like "What if she doesn't like my *random body part*" She's an FFA so the probable answer is that she will like it.

Beyond that, perhaps raising it as an issue with her could help. If she knows you have these worries then maybe she can help you with them too. From what you've said you clearly want to become more confident so it hopefully wouldn't be a major stumbling point for the relationship.

These things always take time, so try not to worry about quick results and just try to enjoy what you have.


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## Sasquatch! (Apr 8, 2012)

To Hell With Dubbel Posts!!!!!


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## Sasquatch! (Apr 8, 2012)

Do you have a nice personality and good hygiene ? Great! Nothing to worry about.


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## Goreki (Apr 9, 2012)

Just relax and enjoy the ride. Don't over think things, do things that are a little out of your comfort zone. Everyone feels awkward in new situations like this. I bet she'll have her own butterflies.


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## roundrevelry (Apr 9, 2012)

Thanks all. Just gotta go for it I suppose. And yes I am all set on the hygiene front! 

Goreki, too true! I sometimes fail to realize that other people may feel nervous, awkward etc... I guess fat kid syndrome still gets the best of me!

I'll check back in post date and let you all know how awesome I did.


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## cakeboy (Apr 10, 2012)

Goreki advised you to "Just relax and enjoy the ride.", which is good advice. Especially during sex.


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## escapist (Apr 11, 2012)

I don't know if its too late to sound off or not, but make sure you toss some fun flirting in there first just to make sure she is interested. It just never seems to go well when the guy is the only one feeling the vibe heheh. Don't worry about being perfect. I know people hate the old dating guru topic but its interesting to note that what you say has been tested. I once saw a guy get huge interest from girls even when he said crazy stuff like "I like pickle juice" seemingly out of nowhere and at random.

...I'm really just saying don't sweat the small stuff. I myself get super nervous and shake. After 3 years of me thinking I had it hidden and mastered, chicken legs informed me recently that I still shake lol....I don't know maybe she finds it cute.

Good luck, and enjoy the experience :happy:


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## CastingPearls (Apr 11, 2012)

escapist said:


> I don't know if its too late to sound off or not, but make sure you toss some fun flirting in there first just to make sure she is interested. It just never seems to go well when the guy is the only one feeling the vibe heheh. Don't worry about being perfect. I know people hate the old dating guru topic but its interesting to note that what you say has been tested. I once saw a guy get huge interest from girls even when he said crazy stuff like "I like pickle juice" seemingly out of nowhere and at random.
> 
> ...I'm really just saying don't sweat the small stuff. I myself get super nervous and shake. After 3 years of me thinking I had it hidden and mastered, chicken legs informed me recently that I still shake lol....I don't know maybe she finds it cute.
> 
> Good luck, and enjoy the experience :happy:


When a guy shakes or his hands tremble---to me, it's absolutely endearing. 
One guy who I dated on and off for years never quite overcame it and then after a long period of no contact, and reconnecting (as friends) in the last year, I've noticed that he's still doing it and shoves his hands in his pockets to try to hide it. He'll always be just a friend to me now (with wonderful memories) but that one thing lets him keep that little piece of my heart forever.


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## dro5150 (Apr 11, 2012)

roundrevelry said:


> I've been in a hand full of long and short term relationships. But never with someone who I thought was too attractive for me. Now I know "too attractive" is something I probably fabricated in my head. However the gorgeous girl I've been chatting with via a dating site (okcupid) is to me at least what I'd consider out of my league.
> 
> I'm confident in my looks. My biggest insecurity is my weight. This is where I need help. Some of you guys who post here are bigger than me, some smaller but so many of you seem to have the confidence to go after your dream girls. The kicker is that I know she prefers large men. And she's quite average as far as weight goes. I've just never been on the receiving end of this!
> 
> ...




My only advise is never marry a hot woman because they can't be trusted.

Cheers


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## escapist (Apr 12, 2012)

dro5150 said:


> My only advise is never marry a hot woman because they can't be trusted.
> 
> Cheers



Ouch dro5150 ,  ok I remember when I had that type of thinking too. Sure I had a bad experiences with a really attractive woman. Thankfully as I got older I also got to know really "hot" women who were actually amazing and beautiful on the inside too (which only made them more attractive).

I hope nobody ever follows the credo of "...never marry a hot woman because they can't be trusted". You may be passing up a great opportunity with someone who is more than just a great pair of __________, or a beautiful ________.


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## dro5150 (Apr 12, 2012)

escapist said:


> Ouch dro5150 ,  ok I remember when I had that type of thinking too. Sure I had a bad experiences with a really attractive woman. Thankfully as I got older I also got to know really "hot" women who were actually amazing and beautiful on the inside too (which only made them more attractive).
> 
> I hope nobody ever follows the credo of "...never marry a hot woman because they can't be trusted". You may be passing up a great opportunity with someone who is more than just a great pair of __________, or a beautiful ________.



Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes all the way to the bone. My experience has brought me to the conclusion that woman 40 and up make the best lovers. They are done having kids, financialy stable, emotionally stable and have that older wiser life experiance. It's always okay to be physical with a pretty woman but understand they all have a certian look in their eye which translates to can not be trusted.

This was typed on my phones touch pad so attack the grammer and punctuation to avoid addressing my point. 

Op asked for openions mine was short and sweet. 

#AssholeByNature


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## CastingPearls (Apr 12, 2012)

dro5150 said:


> Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes all the way to the bone. My experience has brought me to the conclusion that woman 40 and up make the best lovers. They are done having kids, financialy stable, emotionally stable and have that older wiser life experiance. It's always okay to be physical with a pretty woman but understand they all have a certian look in their eye which translates to can not be trusted.
> 
> This was typed on my phones touch pad so attack the grammer and punctuation to avoid addressing my point.
> 
> ...


Are you implying that women over 40 can't be hot? LOL Really?


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## Anjula (Apr 12, 2012)

dro5150 said:


> My only advise is never marry a hot woman because they can't be trusted.
> 
> Cheers



that is quite sad


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## JenFromOC (Apr 12, 2012)

dro5150 said:


> My only advise is never marry a hot woman because they can't be trusted.
> 
> Cheers



Oh, this must be why you dumped me lol


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## roundrevelry (Apr 13, 2012)

dro5150 said:


> My only advise is never marry a hot woman because they can't be trusted.
> 
> Cheers



Hmmm maybe I'm not as insecure as I thought. That seems a bit extreme to me. I'm just a bit self conscious about my weight more than anything else. I feel quite confident about the rest of the package. I have had more than my share of relationship problems and infidelity was one of them. It was hard for me to get over. But I did. I can not and will not treat every attractive woman as a harlot simply because one lacked the willpower or moral fiber to pursue the same sort of monogamous relationship as me. Best to deal with those feelings and move on to a "hot" woman that will treat you right. 

Things are going well. We've got a date planned for next week. I'm feeling more confident right now. I think it was more of a momentary lapse of security. I saw her picture, thought "holy hell she's gorgeous!" and felt inferior for a moment. Sticker shock I guess. lol I'm feeling much better about the whole situation. 

Thanks to everyone for the comments!


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## escapist (Apr 14, 2012)

roundrevelry said:


> Hmmm maybe I'm not as insecure as I thought. That seems a bit extreme to me. I'm just a bit self conscious about my weight more than anything else. I feel quite confident about the rest of the package. I have had more than my share of relationship problems and infidelity was one of them. It was hard for me to get over. But I did. I can not and will not treat every attractive woman as a harlot simply because one lacked the willpower or moral fiber to pursue the same sort of monogamous relationship as me. Best to deal with those feelings and move on to a "hot" woman that will treat you right.
> 
> Things are going well. We've got a date planned for next week. I'm feeling more confident right now. I think it was more of a momentary lapse of security. I saw her picture, thought "holy hell she's gorgeous!" and felt inferior for a moment. Sticker shock I guess. lol I'm feeling much better about the whole situation.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the comments!



CONGRATS!!!! I think its totally awesome you went for it. Have fun man :happy:


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## Goreki (Apr 14, 2012)

cakeboy said:


> Goreki advised you to "Just relax and enjoy the ride.", which is good advice. Especially during sex.



Unless you're banging on a roller coaster, in which case it is permissible to freak out and wave your arms.

Also, try not to listen to advice from jaded people. Their views are biased and they cannot be trusted


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## cakeboy (Apr 14, 2012)

See, I read that as "unless you're banging a roller coaster" which sounds a LOT more challenging than having sex *on* one.


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## rellis10 (Apr 14, 2012)

cakeboy said:


> See, I read that as "unless you're banging a roller coaster" which sounds a LOT more challenging than having sex *on* one.



You're not the only one who read it like that


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## Goreki (Apr 15, 2012)

Your love is like a rollercoaster baby baby!


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## JenFromOC (Apr 15, 2012)

I've actually banged a rollercoaster. It's amazing.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Apr 16, 2012)

roundrevelry said:


> I saw her picture, thought "holy hell she's gorgeous!" and felt inferior for a moment.



Did it ever occur to you that if she's an FFA, she may very well have thought the exact same thing about you when she saw your picture? I cannot stress this enough, this "out of my league" thing is utterly ridiculous. The BHM here confuse this a lot, in my opinion. All that matters is what she thinks. If she finds you attractive, it really doesn't matter who is supposed to be in your league or who YOU think is in your league. Think about it from the FFA perspective for a minute, if you all think we're out of your league, you won't approach us or you won't believe us when we express interest in you and that will just lead to more FFAs who have hang ups....or become nuns( ).


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## CastingPearls (Apr 17, 2012)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> Did it ever occur to you that if she's an FFA, she may very well have thought the exact same thing about you when she saw your picture? I cannot stress this enough, this "out of my league" thing is utterly ridiculous. The BHM here confuse this a lot, in my opinion. All that matters is what she thinks. If she finds you attractive, it really doesn't matter who is supposed to be in your league or who YOU think is in your league. Think about it from the FFA perspective for a minute, if you all think we're out of your league, you won't approach us or you won't believe us when we express interest in you and that will just lead to more FFAs who have hang ups....or become nuns( ).


I so agree with this. I've seen many a hot big guy and said, 'Wow...he's.....wow', so it's not necessarily one-sided. The out-of-my-league thing is defeatist and only serves as self-sabotage. I've never thought I was out of any man's league.


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## Goreki (Apr 17, 2012)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> Did it ever occur to you that if she's an FFA, she may very well have thought the exact same thing about you when she saw your picture? I cannot stress this enough, this "out of my league" thing is utterly ridiculous. The BHM here confuse this a lot, in my opinion. All that matters is what she thinks. If she finds you attractive, it really doesn't matter who is supposed to be in your league or who YOU think is in your league. Think about it from the FFA perspective for a minute, if you all think we're out of your league, you won't approach us or you won't believe us when we express interest in you and that will just lead to more FFAs who have hang ups....or become nuns( ).



A thousand times yes! There's nothing more frustrating than someone who you think is dead sexy telling you that they're not worth your time because they're not as pretty as you.


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## escapist (Apr 17, 2012)

Goreki said:


> A thousand times yes! There's nothing more frustrating than someone who you think is dead sexy telling you that they're not worth your time because they're not as pretty as you.



Ok, I just have to say...personally, if I think I have issues being "pretty" or not "pretty" I have problems beyond self-confidence lol.  :happy:


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## MrSensible (Apr 17, 2012)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> Did it ever occur to you that if she's an FFA, she may very well have thought the exact same thing about you when she saw your picture? I cannot stress this enough, this "out of my league" thing is utterly ridiculous. The BHM here confuse this a lot, in my opinion. All that matters is what she thinks. If she finds you attractive, it really doesn't matter who is supposed to be in your league or who YOU think is in your league. Think about it from the FFA perspective for a minute, if you all think we're out of your league, you won't approach us or you won't believe us when we express interest in you and that will just lead to more FFAs who have hang ups....or become nuns( ).



I agree with this, but I still think it's understandable to be a little sympathetic on the matter. When a person goes through life being on the larger size of the spectrum (in places like the US especially), with the ridiculous image of "beauty" or societal "norms" constantly being paraded in front of their face, it's not surprising to see reactions with the "She/he's way out of my league" response when put in a situation that deviates from that "norm". Is it an unhealthy, illogical way to think? Sure, but it's still a very real thought process, for the person dealing with that self-destructive way of thinking. It's a conditioned response of a sick society, and from my own experience, it's not something that can be simply "turned off" all at once, even after someone expresses interest. Negative conditioning like that can take time to rectify, but with enough life experience, effort, and reinforcement I think anyone can get out of that proverbial slump. 

All that said, I completely understand how frustrating it can be to really like someone, but because of their own insecurity, being unable to get through to them to where they genuinely accept it. As someone who's been there before (as the guy with the inferiority issues), I know how rocky that kind of situation can get for both people. It's an uphill struggle all around, but I'd like to think most people in that situation really try to make that climb and get over it (I know I did). Sometimes it just takes a little longer to reach the summit.

Anyway, I hope that was at least somewhat coherent hehe - I'm not much of a morning person. Just my two cents :happy:


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## JenFromOC (Apr 17, 2012)

Hey, guess what? You're my type.


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## MrSensible (Apr 18, 2012)

JenFromOC said:


> Hey, guess what? You're my type.



I don't know, I'm pretty nerdy. You'd likely need to develop a tolerance for seemingly-alien wireless electronics and music composed by Japanese game developers. It can be a strange transition 

Honestly though, if that message was referring to my post, thanks for the sentiment :happy:


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## BigChaz (Apr 18, 2012)

MrSensible said:


> I don't know, I'm pretty nerdy. You'd likely need to develop a tolerance for seemingly-alien wireless electronics and music composed by Japanese game developers. It can be a strange transition
> 
> Honestly though, if that message was referring to my post, thanks for the sentiment :happy:



Don't take this the wrong way, but any time I have been friends with someone who listens to Japanese game or anime music, we never stay friends long due to me getting annoyed as shit by their relentless drive to eat, sleep, and drink anime and video games.

Maybe you can be the trend breaker. Will you be my friend?


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## Lil BigginZ (Apr 18, 2012)

BigChaz said:


> Don't take this the wrong way, but any time I have been friends with someone who listens to Japanese game or anime music, we never stay friends long due to me getting annoyed as shit by their relentless drive to eat, sleep, and drink anime and video games.
> 
> Maybe you can be the trend breaker. Will you be my friend?



At least it isn't hentai. Or is it?


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## Melian (Apr 18, 2012)

Guys, I don't think he's talking about anime music. Your potential friendships are safe.


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## BigChaz (Apr 18, 2012)

Melian said:


> Guys, I don't think he's talking about anime music. Your potential friendships are safe.



YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MY PROCESS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING


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## Melian (Apr 18, 2012)

BigChaz said:


> YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MY PROCESS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING



I know what you want.


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## BigChaz (Apr 18, 2012)

Melian said:


> I know what you want.



Uh, that would be pretty fucking great actually and I would thoroughly enjoy that opportunity to consume pie.


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## MrSensible (Apr 18, 2012)

Melian said:


> Guys, I don't think he's talking about anime music. Your potential friendships are safe.



This right here ^



BigChaz said:


> Don't take this the wrong way, but any time I have been friends with someone who listens to Japanese game or anime music, we never stay friends long due to me getting annoyed as shit by their relentless drive to eat, sleep, and drink anime and video games.
> 
> Maybe you can be the trend breaker. Will you be my friend?



I'm not much of an anime guy in general to be honest, but gaming... yeah, you'd probably get annoyed fairly quick. It's akin to drinking water for me, and I drink a lot of freaking water.

I'm willing to give it the ol' college try though :batting:


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## MrSensible (Apr 18, 2012)

Melian said:


> I know what you want.



Pie - the skeleton key answer to everything. :wubu:


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## escapist (Apr 19, 2012)

Melian said:


> I know what you want.



ROFL :smitten: :eat1: ...its hard not to love you :wubu: hehehe.


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## Goreki (Apr 19, 2012)

Run Melian!!


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## Melian (Apr 19, 2012)

Goreki said:


> Run Melian!!



They're closing in....*drops pie and GTFOs*


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## BLK360 (Apr 20, 2012)

Delicious pie, but on the original topic, anyone ever considered the third party part of this confidence issue? Granted I'm happy OP is doing well in what he's doing, and pray that he gets plenty of lovin'. But for anyone else reading who is still unsure about that someone they won't ask out for various reasons, do it. I know that sometimes, even though you're into them, and they're into you, you don't because of who? Third party individuals. Assholes who tell her/him you're not worth them being around. That kind of thing can be hard on both sides of the fence when friends and family are complete dicks, and unfortunately one of the many reasons why I am today, a proud, shameless, asshole. So if that particular problem is plaguing anyone reading, you just have to really trudge through it, seems like a simple answer, kind of a "not that easy" thing, but that's because it's a simple solution that requires a lot of effort. It's very much like suffering literal slings and arrows to the mind. Sorry to go off on a sort of rant, but I just thought this part of the issue should be brought up. There's my post for this quarter of the year.


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## escapist (Apr 21, 2012)

Good point BLK360. I think a lot of us have been there. Those issues are usually compounded by a lack of self-confidence in the first place though. I think its something you just learn to deal with. You date enough times your going to find there are friends & family on either and sometimes both sides that just aren't cool about it. Sometimes it doesn't rear its ugly head till after your together. You just have to expect that haters come in all types, its better to expect it and just deal with it rather than live in fear and never have what you really want. just my 2 cents ...


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## HDANGEL15 (Apr 21, 2012)

BLK360 said:


> But for anyone else reading who is still unsure about that someone they won't ask out for various reasons, do it. I know that sometimes, even though you're into them, and they're into you, you don't because of who? Third party individuals. Assholes who tell her/him you're not worth them being around. That kind of thing can be hard on both sides of the fence when friends and *family *are complete dicks,



*AMEN....for decades my brother under mined me...because *HE* prefers sticks with knobs....and I am just too fat in his mind to be a possibility for any of his friends as a result.....and yes he would say that to me, and he thought being honest was the best policy
*


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## LeoGibson (Apr 21, 2012)

I have 3 brothers, they're all tools. 

I enjoy telling them that regularly. But I still gotta love 'em.


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## pepsicola93 (May 7, 2012)

escapist said:


> Good point BLK360. I think a lot of us have been there. Those issues are usually compounded by a lack of self-confidence in the first place though. I think its something you just learn to deal with. You date enough times your going to find there are friends & family on either and sometimes both sides that just aren't cool about it. Sometimes it doesn't rear its ugly head till after your together. You just have to expect that haters come in all types, its better to expect it and just deal with it rather than live in fear and never have what you really want. just my 2 cents ...



I've been there. And it used to bother me, but now I'm just like IDGAF  I decided it wasn't worth getting upset over, it makes things so much more enjoyable when you're not constantly worrying about what somebody else thinks. In my opinion, if the two of you are happy together, that's all that matters.


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## Wanderer (May 9, 2012)

Heh... my biggest problem with dating is having no money and no car. Put those together, and "no woman" is kind of a given.


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## vinarian (May 10, 2012)

Melian said:


> I know what you want.



This picture just gave me an erection


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