# Fat haters all over



## moniquessbbw (Apr 22, 2014)

http://moniquejurgen.blogspot.com/2014/04/say-what.html


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## Marlayna (Apr 22, 2014)

Love it, good for you!


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## penguin (Apr 22, 2014)

Are you posting this because you want hits to your site or because you're trying to start a discussion?


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## vardon_grip (Apr 22, 2014)

I don't see the story as "fat hate", per se.
To me, fat hate says that discrimination or anger is directed at you as soon as you walk in the door just because you are fat.
I see only one side of the story. I see people getting angry with each other and using slurs in the heat of the moment. I see a personal issue and "fat" used as an insult.
In the case of the nail salon, there wasn't any hate, fat or otherwise directed at the OP until the OP decided to make a comment on the behavior of the "little devil" satin/polyester blend and then insult the family. 

In arguments, people say things to hurt the person they are angry with. It is wrong to use slurs at any time regardless of the anger that you feel or feel directed at you.


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## Phantasia (Apr 22, 2014)

Does it get tiring carrying around that much anger and hatred? Wow. It wasn't so much about "fat haters" as it was about your anger.


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## JulianW (Apr 22, 2014)

Sorry to hear about your rough day, I liked the response you gave when that person told you to go back to Compton. :bow:

"I dont date men who are overly macho. African men and men who have that macho attitude and me do not click."

This part kind of rubbed me the wrong way, not so much about not dating _macho_ men (I can't stand hanging around them either) but are you equating African (American?) men with being inherently overly macho? That is how we're shown in mass media most of the time, but in real life I'd say we're not monolithic at all and quite diverse...
I probably have not experienced what you have, perhaps you can explain.


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## Saoirse (Apr 22, 2014)

I love that you referred to the devil child as Satin. Was he smooth and shiny?


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## swordchick (Apr 22, 2014)

There was no need for you to be quiet about this, Monique. I love it!


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## wrestlingguy (Apr 22, 2014)

penguin said:


> Are you posting this because you want hits to your site or because you're trying to start a discussion?



I'm not sure, but when someone posts in a discussion board, I think that they're looking for discussion on the topic at hand. Judging by some of the responses, that's what's happening here.

As someone who also blogs, I can speak at least for me that I don't look for hits. My blogs started as part of my therapy, and were very productive towards that end. The fact that I've been more visible in Fat/Size acceptance has drawn more people to my blogs, but I don't open my browser every day to see how many people are giving them a look. Those numbers have been very humbling to me over the past year, and while I've lost some "friends" over some of my blogs, I've made others.

I'm betting Mo is of the same opinion, inasmuch as she doesn't worry about what the readers think.


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## Yakatori (Apr 22, 2014)

I think there's some basic differences between the two situations....


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## penguin (Apr 22, 2014)

If she was looking to create a discussion, then she should present the topic and ask a question. Linking to another hate filled rant on her blog screams "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! VALIDATE ME!" rather than being the springboard for interesting or helpful discussion. 

I don't think her response is something to be lauded, especially with the threats of violence. 

The OP is better off linking her blog in her signature, rather than posting shit like this. She could at least TRY to make it a discussion, but she doesn't. I can't help but feel that she posts things she knows are inflammatory, often without questions or context, and then will sit back and watch in glee as people respond to her trolling. Then she'll pop up and tell us we don't know shit, we're all wrong, while not answering any question asked unless it's one that agrees with her.


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 22, 2014)

JulianW said:


> Sorry to hear about your rough day, I liked the response you gave when that person told you to go back to Compton. :bow:
> 
> "I dont date men who are overly macho. African men and men who have that macho attitude and me do not click."
> 
> ...



I was referring to a man from the country of Africa where men rule and women have no say. It had nothing to do with African American men. I am talking about the men from places like Nigeria etc.


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 22, 2014)

penguin said:


> If she was looking to create a discussion, then she should present the topic and ask a question. Linking to another hate filled rant on her blog screams "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! VALIDATE ME!" rather than being the springboard for interesting or helpful discussion.
> 
> I don't think her response is something to be lauded, especially with the threats of violence.
> 
> The OP is better off linking her blog in her signature, rather than posting shit like this. She could at least TRY to make it a discussion, but she doesn't. I can't help but feel that she posts things she knows are inflammatory, often without questions or context, and then will sit back and watch in glee as people respond to her trolling. Then she'll pop up and tell us we don't know shit, we're all wrong, while not answering any question asked unless it's one that agrees with her.



For some reason you always have something negative to say. You really are an annoying person that has no clue what she is talking about. That wasn't a hate filled rant. That was real life things that just happened. Fat bigots are alive and well out there bashing people when ever they get angry. I don't walk around full of hate or anger. I wake up every day thankful to live another day. I have a good life and I am very happy with my friends and family. People in the world are not nice to other people anymore. You have not had one good thing to say about anything I decide to post here. You just want to pick a fight when ever you see my posts come up. Stop reading them if you don't like me. I ignore the people I don't care to be around. I don't deal with the their negative energy which you are passively aggressively showing all the time. Just leave me alone. No matter what I say you find a way to twist it and turn it into something you want it to be instead of just the facts. Get a clue please. How would you feel if those things happened to you? I doubt you could even deal with someone calling you hateful names. By the way I don't site around watching the board to see when there is a comment. I do have a life. I posted the link this morning for Christ sake. You act like I was gone for weeks. By the way you don't ask questions you just like to pass judgement on a person you don't even know.


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 22, 2014)

Saoirse said:


> I love that you referred to the devil child as Satin. Was he smooth and shiny?



That was a typo I fixed it.


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## JulianW (Apr 22, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> I was referring to a man from the country of Africa where men rule and women have no say. It had nothing to do with African American men. I am talking about the men from places like Nigeria etc.



thanks for the details!


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## Marlayna (Apr 22, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> For some reason you always have something negative to say. You really are an annoying person that has no clue what she is talking about. That wasn't a hate filled rant. That was real life things that just happened. Fat bigots are alive and well out there bashing people when ever they get angry. I don't walk around full of hate or anger. I wake up every day thankful to live another day. I have a good life and I am very happy with my friends and family. People in the world are not nice to other people anymore. You have not had one good thing to say about anything I decide to post here. You just want to pick a fight when ever you see my posts come up. Stop reading them if you don't like me. I ignore the people I don't care to be around. I don't deal with the their negative energy which you are passively aggressively showing all the time. Just leave me alone. No matter what I say you find a way to twist it and turn it into something you want it to be instead of just the facts. Get a clue please. How would you feel if those things happened to you? I doubt you could even deal with someone calling you hateful names. By the way I don't site around watching the board to see when there is a comment. I do have a life. I posted the link this morning for Christ sake. You act like I was gone for weeks. By the way you don't ask questions you just like to pass judgement on a person you don't even know.


You are totally right on. Actually, I think you may have a secret admirer in your detractor. It's strange how those things work sometimes.


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## bigmac (Apr 22, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> I was referring to a man from the country of Africa where men rule and women have no say. It had nothing to do with African American men. I am talking about the men from places like Nigeria etc.



Over the years I've worked with quite a few men from various African countries. As a group they generally better read, more sophisticated, and much more fun loving than their American counterparts. My American colleagues actually held much more sexist attitudes -- when it comes to misogyny America is a world leader.


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## bigmac (Apr 22, 2014)

Phantasia said:


> Does it get tiring carrying around that much anger and hatred? Wow. It wasn't so much about "fat haters" as it was about your anger.




Yes, its no wonder she has more than her share of drama.


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## Yakatori (Apr 22, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> "_I doubt you could even deal with someone calling you hateful names._"


Oh, I'm sure we've all had to deal with something. Somewhere along the line. Each playing to our own unique strengths, relative to own circumstances.



moniquessbbw said:


> "_How would you feel if those things happened to you?_"


This is a fair question. Generally, when I witness family-disfunction first-hand, my first thought is toward whichever individual I see as most vulnerable and least culpable. In the case of your story, it would be the child. And I would be asking myself "What can I really do for this person? What serves them best, from the point of view if I had to be in their shoes. 

Politically incorrect as it is to admit, sometimes it just means keeping my mouth shut and walking away. Quietly closing up the sutures and leaving the body there on the table. That's tough, real tough sometimes.

Other times, it's more about just sitting there and listening to someone. Being patient with them. Letting them talk for a bit. Or just modeling some normal adult behavior.

Rarely; actually, come to think of it, *NEVER*; never has it seriously occurred to me that the very best I can do is to provoke or agitate someone who's so clearly having a difficulty with their kid?

Except, right now, *monique*, you're in a point in your life where it's pretty much all about you. For the first time in a while? So, maybe this really IS your "best." Heh...or _as good as it gets_. Or what's only fair to expect. And that's fine. 

Frankly, it's very easy (for me) to see the appeal in your antics for a certain demographic of posters. (And for that, I thank you...) 

It's just that, for those of us whose world happily includes _other peoples problems_, it won't always be so easy to pat you on the back.


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## tonynyc (Apr 22, 2014)

wrestlingguy said:


> I'm not sure, but when someone posts in a discussion board, I think that they're looking for discussion on the topic at hand. Judging by some of the responses, that's what's happening here.
> 
> As someone who also blogs, I can speak at least for me that I don't look for hits. My blogs started as part of my therapy, and were very productive towards that end. The fact that I've been more visible in Fat/Size acceptance has drawn more people to my blogs, but I don't open my browser every day to see how many people are giving them a look. Those numbers have been very humbling to me over the past year, and while I've lost some "friends" over some of my blogs, I've made others.
> 
> I'm betting Mo is of the same opinion, inasmuch as she doesn't worry about what the readers think.



*P*hil: you bring up some interesting points as to why someone chooses to "Blog" - I just don't have the time ;but, certainly have no problems with those that do ... more power to them. 

However, since you've observed that the OP doesn't worry what the readers think... then we pretty much have this Forum where folks will voice their opinions both positively or negatively.



bigmac said:


> Over the years I've worked with quite a few men from various African countries. As a group they generally better read, more sophisticated, and much more fun loving than their American counterparts. My American colleagues actually held much more sexist attitudes -- when it comes to misogyny America is a world leader.



So.. how much "fun loving" are you expecting people to be....


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## vardon_grip (Apr 23, 2014)

wrestlingguy said:


> *I'm not sure, but when someone posts in a discussion board, I think that they're looking for discussion on the topic at hand. Judging by some of the responses, that's what's happening here.*
> 
> As someone who also blogs, I can speak at least for me that I don't look for hits. My blogs started as part of my therapy, and were very productive towards that end. The fact that I've been more visible in Fat/Size acceptance has drawn more people to my blogs, but I don't open my browser every day to see how many people are giving them a look. Those numbers have been very humbling to me over the past year, and while I've lost some "friends" over some of my blogs, I've made others.
> 
> I'm betting Mo is of the same opinion, inasmuch as *she doesn't worry about what the readers think.*



I think the actual discussion was started separately by the people responding about the blog link and not the OP herself. You either like the blog post or you are labelled a hater. People might discuss a news story about a train wreck, but the train wreck nor the news story opened a dialog with the audience. It might be a fine point, but it is still one that is distinct. Lastly, not worrying about what the readers think doesn't really say "open discussion", but then again blogs aren't necessarily supposed to be about discussion. 

(I understand that you added your opinion about not worrying and that it was not stated by the OP)


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## penguin (Apr 23, 2014)

What it boils down to is this: I am allowed to disagree with you. I am under no compulsion to think the way you do, or think that your way is best. You do not have to like me, and I am okay with that. 

The posts you link tend to be hate filled, and often hypocritical, rantings, that are not presented in the form of creating a discussion but are posted without context or query. You cannot expect that everyone will or should agree with you, and if you do, that's something else you need to speak to your therapist about.

I don't "twist and turn" anything. I read your posts and respond to them, and if there's bullshit there, I call it out. 




Marlayna said:


> You are totally right on. Actually, I think you may have a secret admirer in your detractor. It's strange how those things work sometimes.



How you come up with that ridiculous theory is beyond me.


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 23, 2014)

penguin said:


> What it boils down to is this: I am allowed to disagree with you. I am under no compulsion to think the way you do, or think that your way is best. You do not have to like me, and I am okay with that.
> 
> The posts you link tend to be hate filled, and often hypocritical, rantings, that are not presented in the form of creating a discussion but are posted without context or query. You cannot expect that everyone will or should agree with you, and if you do, that's something else you need to speak to your therapist about.
> 
> ...




You may feel it is bullshit but I feel different than you do. No one is stopping your from your 2 cents. But don't attack me for how I feel about the issues I write about. You can think what ever you want but you still do not know me at all. You don't know the first thing about who I really am. We have never met and never will, so you can keep your 2 cents when it comes to being as judgmental as you are. You are just looking to poke, pick and prod at me is where you seem to get your kicks. I don't need you to agree with me at all. Just stop attacking me. I can have a discussion and disagree with the other person without attacking them. You might try it sometime.


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## Marlayna (Apr 23, 2014)

penguin said:


> Are you posting this because you want hits to your site or because you're trying to start a discussion?


 I consider it ironic that you slam a certain poster for linking to her blog, when your signature is a "wishlist" that _you_ hope people would give some "hits".
That should explain my comment, I believe.


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## cinnamitch (Apr 23, 2014)

She merely posted a link to her blog, which had her writing about some crap going on in her life. No worse than a lot of other blogs I have read. She didn't diss all men.. Seriously, just because someone says men/women when venting, don't take it as a slam to the entire gender they are speaking of. I have had some of the same experiences with men she has had. If you haven't, that's great. Is she bitter? angry? hurt?, confused?, probably. If it helps her to vent then so be it. Oh and Mac, you may have had great times with African men, but in working with them over the years in health care, I can say that the majority of the ones I ENCOUNTERED were not open to taking orders from their female boss and tended to talk negatively about women who did not take orders from them. Is that all Africans? No, of course not. I just wanted to say I have seen the behavior myself from some and it's not her imagination.


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## penguin (Apr 23, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> You may feel it is bullshit but I feel different than you do. No one is stopping your from your 2 cents. But don't attack me for how I feel about the issues I write about. You can think what ever you want but you still do not know me at all. You don't know the first thing about who I really am. We have never met and never will, so you can keep your 2 cents when it comes to being as judgmental as you are. You are just looking to poke, pick and prod at me is where you seem to get your kicks. I don't need you to agree with me at all. Just stop attacking me. I can have a discussion and disagree with the other person without attacking them. You might try it sometime.



The hypocrisy is strong here. You contradict yourself multiple times in one paragraph. 



Marlayna said:


> I consider it ironic that you slam a certain poster for linking to her blog, when your signature is a "wishlist" that _you_ hope people would give some "hits".
> That should explain my comment, I believe.



...no, it doesn't. A lot of people have wish lists in their signatures. There's a yearly thread on them, too. I don't make posts just to link to it. I didn't "slam" her for having a website or for having it in her signature. If you read back, I said it would be better to have the link to her blog there. If I started threads where the only message was my wish list link, then you might have a point. But since I don't, you're wrong. It doesn't explain your comment from before, but I get the feeling you don't know what you're talking about.


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## vardon_grip (Apr 23, 2014)

Marlayna said:


> I consider it ironic that you slam a certain poster for linking to her blog, when your signature is a "wishlist" that _you_ hope people would give some "hits".
> That should explain my comment, I believe.



You example does not make sense. A link to a blog post as the topic for a thread is very different from a link in someone's signature. The signature isn't a topic nor meant to start a discussion.


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## vardon_grip (Apr 23, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> I was referring to a man from the country of Africa where men rule and women have no say. It had nothing to do with African American men. I am talking about the men from places like Nigeria etc.



Africa is not a country. Africa is a continent. Africa contains countries like; Egypt, Algeria, Tunisia, Kenya, Tanzania, Somalia, Nigeria, Niger and Zambia


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## swordchick (Apr 23, 2014)

cinnamitch said:


> She merely posted a link to her blog, which had her writing about some crap going on in her life. No worse than a lot of other blogs I have read. She didn't diss all men.. Seriously, just because someone says men/women when venting, don't take it as a slam to the entire gender they are speaking of. I have had some of the same experiences with men she has had. If you haven't, that's great. Is she bitter? angry? hurt?, confused?, probably. If it helps her to vent then so be it. Oh and Mac, you may have had great times with African men, but in working with them over the years in health care, I can say that the majority of the ones I ENCOUNTERED were not open to taking orders from their female boss and tended to talk negatively about women who did not take orders from them. Is that all Africans? No, of course not. I just wanted to say I have seen the behavior myself from some and it's not her imagination.



Exactly! I think many people have blogs so they can vent. And you are right about some African men not being so "fun loving" to women.


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## Marlayna (Apr 23, 2014)

vardon_grip said:


> You example does not make sense. A link to a blog post as the topic for a thread is very different from a link in someone's signature. The signature isn't a topic nor meant to start a discussion.


Mo was accused of wanting "hits", but so is posting a "buy me a present" list every time one posts. Get it?
As you can see, this link to a blog post *DOES* start a discussion.
Why would someone jump in to slam a particular poster every time she starts a thread? ...


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## Marlayna (Apr 23, 2014)

penguin said:


> The hypocrisy is strong here. You contradict yourself multiple times in one paragraph.
> 
> 
> 
> ...no, it doesn't. A lot of people have wish lists in their signatures. There's a yearly thread on them, too. I don't make posts just to link to it. I didn't "slam" her for having a website or for having it in her signature. If you read back, I said it would be better to have the link to her blog there. If I started threads where the only message was my wish list link, then you might have a point. But since I don't, you're wrong. It doesn't explain your comment from before, but *I get the feeling you don't know what you're talking about.*


You may not, but I assure you, others do.


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## wrestlingguy (Apr 23, 2014)

vardon_grip said:


> I think the actual discussion was started separately by the people responding about the blog link and not the OP herself. You either like the blog post or you are labelled a hater. People might discuss a news story about a train wreck, but the train wreck nor the news story opened a dialog with the audience. It might be a fine point, but it is still one that is distinct. Lastly, not worrying about what the readers think doesn't really say "open discussion", but then again blogs aren't necessarily supposed to be about discussion.
> 
> *(I understand that you added your opinion about not worrying and that it was not stated by the OP)*



You're right, and I'd be wrong to represent why Monique posts her blogs here. I think she has some support from some people here, and posting her blogs isn't much different than posting it on her social media pages, or in any other group she belongs to.

I've posted blogs here occasionally, not as a conversation starter, but more to use some of my older blogs if I thought it would somehow contribute to the discussion. 

I also think you're right when you say that blogs are typically personal. In Mo's case, she's relating a few bad experiences, and her reactions to/opinions about them. People will either agree or disagree with those reactions/opinions. I feel like through blogs we get a mental image of a person which may or may not be correct based solely on their writing. A blog isn't a whole lot different than an op ed in a newspaper, and I think we do the same thing with editorialists as well. I've had to step away from some of the bloggers that I used to read because I thought (thanks to the blogs) that they were whiners, overbearing, used bad language, were belligerent, and not people I wanted to be friends with. Then I realized that the same thing could be happening with my own blogs.

Bottom line for me is that just like with everyone's own personal path to self acceptance, there's a personal path for figuring out what you're writing in your blog, and how it affects how you're perceived as a result (assuming you care). Even if you don't, your goal needn't be to get people to agree with you as much as it should be to get people to understand WHY you feel the way you do.


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## lucca23v2 (Apr 23, 2014)

Maybe they went off on you because of this..

*I told the mother if she knew how to be a Mom her kid wouldnt behave like that. But I can see why he does because you had her for a mother, aka the grandmother. *

Apparently your mother never taught you the old "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything."

Telling someone they are a bad parent is a surefire way to get that person to come after you.

The fact of the matter is you were bothered that this family was already there tking up time and space with a rambunctious child. Then the child furthered annoyed you because he was behind your chair. You didn't say anything out of concern, you said it out of frustration and annoyance.

Sometimes we say things we shouldn't out of anger and that brings down hell on us. Maybe instead you could have told the owner, hey they kid is back there, if he gets hurt it will be on you. Then the owner could have said something to the mother. 

Instead you chose to insult the mother by telling her she didn't know how to be a mother. 

Maybe that mother has an autistic child who needs to move around and make noise. Did you ever consider that? No because you were too busy being annoyed.

Maybe if you start off being compassionate (which from the things I have seen you post.. it doesn't seem like you can) then people will not be mean to you.

JMT


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## Yakatori (Apr 23, 2014)

wrestlingguy said:


> "_...because I thought (thanks to the blogs) that they were whiners, overbearing, used bad language, were belligerent, and not people I wanted to be friends with...goal needn't be to get people to agree with you as much as it should be to get people to *understand WHY you feel the way you do.*_"


As I alluded to before: you have a real insight here, just some of the innate dynamics in play between writing & thinking. Not to mention other things. But, there are also some more noticeable differences in how this all plays out from the point of view of a potential audience:

In your case, in particular, you know how I've disagreed with some of your opinions; not feelings or emotions, per se, but (not so well, I think) reasoned positions on this or that. And so, I am totally comfortable in saying to you, here or otherwise, "_Oh, that's completely asinine..._" Whilst still in the belief that I'm contributing (constructively) to your whole process in doing so.

Whereas, here, I see more of this type of dynamic. Which, hopefully, you realize also implies that I don't really think there's any kind of solution in *monique*'s just going-away. After all, her story has an obvious intrinsic value to this community. And, as much more than just (as even she sometimes describes it) a _cautionary tale_. But a real window into and living example of survival. 

It's just that, even for her supporters, of which I very loosely identify, it necessarily creates this problem. Or, to look at it another way, brings to light this question of how to respond....outside of the, kind of, hackneyed approach of "_Yo, you go girl! Don't let no body tell you nothin'_....



cinnamitch said:


> "_...just because someone says men/women when venting, don't take it as a slam to the entire gender they are speaking of. I have had some of the same experiences with men she has had....and it's not her imagination._"


I understand that. However, she does say some really crazy things here and there. And, as I'm sure you realize, it has more than little to do with her being (more than little) crazy. On the other hand, many of us also realize that she's, kind of, got a reason or maybe-even a handful or more of reasons to be so crazy? (As if having a reason to be crazy makes a difference in whether or not one is actually crazy or how much so...)

I mean, just as far as the real utility of venting goes, don't you ever kind of wonder if it sometimes can reach a point of taking on a life of its own? Where the continuous release of pressure, _the crazy_, just begats more and more of itself? Or combines, somehow, with whatever _soup du jour_ to release new and more resistant strains? 

So, for some of us, with some competing ideas, there's an issue at play as to just how uncritically we're supposed to receive all of it. 

Like, let's just take another quick look at the ebb and flow here. Of how she oscillates between asking to be heard, but then quickly reminding of how no-one is listening:



moniquessbbw said:


> ..._No one is stopping your from your 2 cents. But don't attack me for how I feel about the issues I write about. You can think what ever you want but you still do not know me at all. You don't know the first thing about who I really am. We have never met and never will, so you can keep your 2 cents...as judgmental as you are. You are just looking to poke, pick and prod at me is where you seem to get your kicks. I don't need you to agree with me at all. Just stop attacking me......_



So, that seems to "function" simultaneously as both a cry-for & _at_ real dialogue. 



Marlayna said:


> "_I consider it ironic that you slam a certain poster for linking to her blog, when your signature is a "wishlist" that you hope people would give some "hits". That should explain my comment, I believe._"


Except maybe not as well as you might think. As noted, half of the regular posters on here have a wishlist; so, _everybody's doing it_. As such, it's not really put forth as a topic, per se. 

But, more to what I think *vardon* is circumscribing, it doesn't really...it's not a hostage situation, right? No one is saying "_Buy me this vibrator or I'm going to kick the neighbor's dog!_" The real substance (& tone) of it all of it is more like "_eh, it would be great if someone just bought this for me_" No matter which way you turn it or look at it, it's not really _provoking_ anything. Let alone, actual discussion. Criticism of behaviors or ideas. Not really.

Whereas, in this case, for one, *monique* basically acknowledges her own realization of the practical shortcomings of this family's emotional stability. And then says, "_ah...Fuck-it, I'm gonna have bit of fun here...I'm gonna play with fire. Because, what do I really have to lose?!? _"

And, look, it's fun. It's funny. From the safety of a lot of physical & emotional distance. I'll admit, I laugh at it. It's definitely humorous. It's genuinely funny in that dark, morbid, _moribund_ way of just getting past all of life's minutiae... But, you know, for that kid, maybe not so much.

Which is not to make it about that kid getting smacked on his butt. (I mean, that's nothing. Relative to the real problems he might be facing or whatever horror stories are out there.) It's more like, what is *monique* really saying? And what does that mean to us, for us, personally. 

And that, I think, helps to account a little better for the underlying tension in how some of us are responding to each other over this.


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## Marlayna (Apr 23, 2014)

Yakatori, the OP was immediately insulted and accused of looking for "hits", I found this ironic coming from someone shilling for freebees. 
This person called Mo's opinions "shit", among other crude things, so that says more about _her_ anger issues, than it does about anyone elses.


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## Marlayna (Apr 23, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> Maybe they went off on you because of this..
> 
> *I told the mother if she knew how to be a Mom her kid wouldnt behave like that. But I can see why he does because you had her for a mother, aka the grandmother. *
> 
> ...


The mother should have apologized for the disruption. That is what a good person does.
I wouldn't want my child around all the chemicals in the air in a nail salon, and if he was unable to sit still, I would paint my own fingers and toes at home, or at a friend's house...
but that's just me. I respect the rights of those who want a nice quiet time to pamper themselves.


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## penguin (Apr 23, 2014)

Marlayna said:


> Yakatori, the OP was immediately insulted and accused of looking for "hits", I found this ironic coming from someone shilling for freebees.
> This person called Mo's opinions "shit", among other crude things, so that says more about _her_ anger issues, than it does about anyone elses.



I'm not shilling for anything. I have had people want to gift me things before, so I put my wishlist where they can find it easily. When finances allow, I like to gift people, and I like their wishlist to be easily found, too. I like stuff. I, like many people, like getting stuff. I see no problem with admitting that. I'm not demanding anyone give me anything or even look at it. I don't draw attention to it, and the link itself doesn't say anything but "I like stuff" - not "Buy me stuff." There's a big difference. 

Monique has a history of posting just links to her blog, and those links are usually hate filled rantings. They're not blog posts, they're journal entries. There IS a difference. She hasn't asked a question or brought up a discussion topic and included the link, she's just posted the link without context. If she wants people to agree with her blindly, she's in the wrong place. 

Posting links only the way she does IS about looking for hits and attention. It's not about encouraging discussion or debate, especially not when she come back later and is all "LOL you're all so wrong." How can we be wrong when there was no discussion or question put forth? Aren't you asking us to judge your behaviour and attitude? 

I don't have anger issues. I'm not angry very often, and I certainly don't take it out on people like what was written about in that blog post. I've had my share of fat hate out there in meatspace, but I don't go around threatening people or insulting their parenting skills. But I'm the one with anger issues? Really?


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## Marlayna (Apr 23, 2014)

penguin said:


> I'm not shilling for anything. I have had people want to gift me things before, so I put my wishlist where they can find it easily. When finances allow, I like to gift people, and I like their wishlist to be easily found, too. I like stuff. I, like many people, like getting stuff. I see no problem with admitting that. I'm not demanding anyone give me anything or even look at it. I don't draw attention to it, and the link itself doesn't say anything but "I like stuff" - not "Buy me stuff." There's a big difference.
> 
> Monique has a history of posting just links to her blog, and those links are usually hate filled rantings. They're not blog posts, they're journal entries. There IS a difference. She hasn't asked a question or brought up a discussion topic and included the link, she's just posted the link without context. If she wants people to agree with her blindly, she's in the wrong place.
> 
> ...


Do you deny that you go gunning for her whenever she starts a thread? If you don't like Mo's writing style, don't click on it. That would be the high road.
Anyway, I'm done. I hope all your wishes come true. :eat2:


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## penguin (Apr 23, 2014)

Marlayna said:


> Do you deny that you go gunning for her whenever she starts a thread? If you don't like Mo's writing style, don't click on it. That would be the high road.
> Anyway, I'm done. I hope all your wishes come true. :eat2:



I don't go gunning for anything. I can read and comment on things as I see fit, and will continue to do so.


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## moore2me (Apr 23, 2014)

Monique,

I have followed your story thru the years (what you have posted for us) and I admire your ability to survive adversity. You have had an amazing history that should inspire women to not give up - to fight for your life and what is yours. Those women in the beauty shop/nail salon and the man in the booth next to you did not know they were sparring with "George Foreman" or challenging Serena Williams to a tennis match. In other words, they were not equal to the task they started - messing with you.

After reading your blog about the two conflicts - I don't think fat hatred was the main cause of those folks' rage. When some people see themselves outmatched, outwitted, or outmaneuvered in a spat or disagreement will quickly drop to fighting dirty. They just used some words and curses they thought would wound you and make points with their home(ies).

I only saw one mistake in your actions. I would never tell a parent to their face in front of the child and the child's sister, etc. that their kid is damaged goods. This is something that should be talked about in private and not where the child can hear. Even if the child is bad. Sometimes kids are bad because things are wrong at home - the kid is acting out to get attention. Even bad attention is better than no attention. Sometimes kids are abused or pawns of family strife that makes the kid act out. We don't know enough about that family's dynamics.


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## bigmac (Apr 23, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> Maybe they went off on you because of this..
> 
> *I told the mother if she knew how to be a Mom her kid wouldnt behave like that. But I can see why he does because you had her for a mother, aka the grandmother. *
> 
> ...



Exactly -- you talk shit about a strangers family you're inviting confrontation. Monique is lucky she didn't get her teeth punched in.


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## tonynyc (Apr 24, 2014)

bigmac said:


> Exactly -- you talk shit about a strangers family you're inviting confrontation. Monique is lucky she didn't get her teeth punched in.



*W*ell this is certainly more about how one handles confrontation and where one choose to pick their battles. 

I've witnessed episodes where some "well meaning" stranger tries to question/correct someone's parenting skill and the parent was more than happy to reply with *Mind your own fucking business when it comes to their child.*

Heck you just look at some folks the wrong way be prepared for anything to happen


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 24, 2014)

moore2me said:


> Monique,
> 
> I have followed your story thru the years (what you have posted for us) and I admire your ability to survive adversity. You have had an amazing history that should inspire women to not give up - to fight for your life and what is yours. Those women in the beauty shop/nail salon and the man in the booth next to you did not know they were sparring with "George Foreman" or challenging Serena Williams to a tennis match. In other words, they were not equal to the task they started - messing with you.
> 
> ...



I am so glad you know the real me. Thank you for the kind words. 

Now onto the others. I posted the link to my Blog to start a convo about what happened. Since then it has been turned around all on me and I am the bad guy yet again. Now that is total bullshit. That means the people who condone that woman calling me a spook are just as fucking raciest as they were. I have a zero tolerance when it come to people calling me outside my name like I was some slave picking cotton. Hell no those days are long gone. That woman is lucky I didn't punch her in the mouth for calling me that. The N word would have been next but the fat comment came next. 

Not till after I was insulted did I tell that stupid bitch that she had a devil child and was a bad mother. I pay damn good money to go to an upscale salon where I can relax to the music playing and the massage spa chair rolling up my back. She was not paying attention to him at all. None of you were there bigmac, penguin and who ever else is acting like an ass about this post. So fuck you! I am so over all of your BS. 

I have been a part of the Dims family for over a decade and you new people really suck. This use to be such a great place to chat. I even met my ex husband here on Dims. Now it is full of people I have no need to know. I am done done done done done. So drop it people. You have no idea how to have a convo. How do I block people on here that I don't want to see their posts?


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 24, 2014)

When I posted the link I was wondering how this would play out. I was wondering if the stupid people would twist everything and flip the script back onto me. I was right you all did everything I thought you would do. I knew you would judge. I knew you would hate. I knew you would turn the whole thing around onto me and say it was my fault that I had a 4:30 nail appointment. It's my fault I went to the salon. It's my fault the devil child was terrorizing everyone in the salon. Once it was over and they were gone the people there thanked me for saying something by the way. I can tell you that I will be going back but that family was told not to come back by the owner himself. They need a ghetto salon where you bring your kids. Salons are for me time not screaming kid time!:doh:


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## moore2me (Apr 24, 2014)

I agree with you in that many adult situations are not the time and place for children. The nail spa is one example. Another example are movies that are too violent or sexually explicit and are not places to bring kids. My hair salon also sells pageant dresses for youngsters going into beauty contests. The owner will not let kids in to run amongst the pretty and very expensive dresses during regular salon hours. Instead she opens after hair cutting is done and has special time for children and parents to try on clothes. She also has extra help to "herd cats' during this children's time. I consider this business operator to be smart and taking care of her expensive clothes and her daytime adult clients.

I expect kids to be in certain places. Disney movies, swimming pools, church and Walmart. I prepare myself for the children there and remind myself this little person could be my doctor, my nurse, or my employee in later years. I try to smile and wave at them before they start talking. I comment on something they have that I like. Or for little kids I make kitty noise that gets them puzzled. If the child continues being a "devil child", I leave the area as soon as I can. This does not happen very often. But, I know never start a fight between a mother bear and her cub. No one wins. Even if the mother bear had no business bringing the cub into the town garbage dump.

Also, I think one of the best goals we can have in life is to be a positive influence in a child's life -only if it is for a couple of minutes. And the same goes for other people that are in need.


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 24, 2014)

moore2me said:


> I agree with you in that many adult situations are not the time and place for children. The nail spa is one example. Another example are movies that are too violent or sexually explicit and are not places to bring kids. My hair salon also sells pageant dresses for youngsters going into beauty contests. The owner will not let kids in to run amongst the pretty and very expensive dresses during regular salon hours. Instead she opens after hair cutting is done and has special time for children and parents to try on clothes. She also has extra help to "herd cats' during this children's time. I consider this business operator to be smart and taking care of her expensive clothes and her daytime adult clients.
> 
> I expect kids to be in certain places. Disney movies, swimming pools, church and Walmart. I prepare myself for the children there and remind myself this little person could be my doctor, my nurse, or my employee in later years. I try to smile and wave at them before they start talking. I comment on something they have that I like. Or for little kids I make kitty noise that gets them puzzled. If the child continues being a "devil child", I leave the area as soon as I can. This does not happen very often. But, I know never start a fight between a mother bear and her cub. No one wins. Even if the mother bear had no business bringing the cub into the town garbage dump.
> 
> Also, I think one of the best goals we can have in life is to be a positive influence in a child's life -only if it is for a couple of minutes. And the same goes for other people that are in need.



When I had my boutique I had a play area for the kids with a toy chest for the kids and a couch for the men to wait for their better half. So everyone was happy. The kids never terrorized my Boutique. I was at the salon for a couple of hours and the entire time the owner kept stopping doing my nails then had to stop during doing my moms nails then stop during the next persons nails to get the kid off a chair, out of the spa chairs, hiding under work stations while people are working and getting services. I didn't just blow up and I did ask her nicely to have him get out from behind the spa chair so he wouldn't get hurt. But I am done talking about this. The haters here just wont get it no matter what I say. If I wrote a Blog that someone shot me in a drive by shooting they would say it was my fault for being in my car at that moment. No matter what I say they turn it, twist it, warp it into something it isn't. I have another busy day today and a huge festival to do this weekend, so I am going back to bed to rest and let the haters eat one another alive with their drama. My health isn't good so I am not going to start having chest pains over these people. But if I had a heart attack they would say it was my fault too. I guess it was my fault when I died three times a few years back. It's my fault that I have Lupus. It's my fault that I don't take other peoples bullshit and I am fine with that blame. Hugs to you my friend xoxo.


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## penguin (Apr 24, 2014)

I never said what happened was your fault, or that you deserved to be called names or to have slurs thrown at you. I questioned your motives for posting the way you did, as it's a repeated behaviour on the boards. You didn't ask a question, you posted a link. You can't get mad at people for responding in ways you don't like, when you offer no context. You can't expect everyone to agree with you and what you have to say. Turning on them and insulting them because they disagree with you isn't okay. 

From what I've seen, your blog posts are actually journal entries. Which is fine to do, but they have a different purpose and encourage a different response. If you posted as a blog entry instead, where you discussed what happened and raised questions, it would get a different response.


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## lucca23v2 (Apr 24, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> When I posted the link I was wondering how this would play out. I was wondering if the stupid people would twist everything and flip the script back onto me. I was right you all did everything I thought you would do. I knew you would judge. I knew you would hate. I knew you would turn the whole thing around onto me and say it was my fault that I had a 4:30 nail appointment. It's my fault I went to the salon. It's my fault the devil child was terrorizing everyone in the salon. Once it was over and they were gone the people there thanked me for saying something by the way. I can tell you that I will be going back but that family was told not to come back by the owner himself. They need a ghetto salon where you bring your kids. Salons are for me time not screaming kid time!:doh:



lol.. you are funny.. you spew nothing but hate, but expect people to love you?!?!?!..

Hate breeds hate.

like I said before, trying being nice and you might get a bit further.

maybe they said thank you to you so that you wouldn't go off on them.. IJS....


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## superodalisque (Apr 25, 2014)

Marlayna said:


> You may not, but I assure you, others do.



i think it's really weird and messed up for people to put wish lists on the net--like begging from strangers.


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## superodalisque (Apr 25, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> lol.. you are funny.. you spew nothing but hate, but expect people to love you?!?!?!..
> 
> Hate breeds hate.
> 
> ...



i don't hate her. neither do all of the people who support her and agree with her. i am proud of her for not taking BS and acting weak. there are too many doing that already and being a bad example for the ones coming up after us. i love her for her honesty. i love her because she is her true self. i don't even have to agree with her to do that. at least she is not a liar and a fake. i respect her because she is brave enough to be who she is. and i can trust her because she isn't a liar who feels one thing and says another. if anyone has to pretend about who they are and what they think no one is going to love them anyway--because that isn't even a real person. it's a fake person. it's the figment of somebody else's imagination. people want to be cared for for their real selves and they want to care for an actual real person. they don't want to be some desperate lie to make other people comfortable with BS. they don't want people they care for to be a desperate liar. they don't want to mislead or be misled by people about what is appropriate so that life gets even worse for everyone later. they want to know the real person. they want to be a real person. the only people who don't want people to be real are those who don't care about anybody else except to get their own needs met. maybe it's time a lot of people learned to be_ nice_ to themselves by finally being their true self instead of something coughed up for the approval of others even if it means being some kind of a victim and then taking that out on innocent people later. what really isn't nice is to create yourself as a lie and then shock people later when they find out that what you've been saying isn't even what you really think.


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## superodalisque (Apr 25, 2014)

moore2me said:


> I agree with you in that many adult situations are not the time and place for children. The nail spa is one example. Another example are movies that are too violent or sexually explicit and are not places to bring kids. My hair salon also sells pageant dresses for youngsters going into beauty contests. The owner will not let kids in to run amongst the pretty and very expensive dresses during regular salon hours. Instead she opens after hair cutting is done and has special time for children and parents to try on clothes. She also has extra help to "herd cats' during this children's time. I consider this business operator to be smart and taking care of her expensive clothes and her daytime adult clients.
> 
> I expect kids to be in certain places. Disney movies, swimming pools, church and Walmart. I prepare myself for the children there and remind myself this little person could be my doctor, my nurse, or my employee in later years. I try to smile and wave at them before they start talking. I comment on something they have that I like. Or for little kids I make kitty noise that gets them puzzled. If the child continues being a "devil child", I leave the area as soon as I can. This does not happen very often. But, I know never start a fight between a mother bear and her cub. No one wins. Even if the mother bear had no business bringing the cub into the town garbage dump.
> 
> Also, I think one of the best goals we can have in life is to be a positive influence in a child's life -only if it is for a couple of minutes. And the same goes for other people that are in need.



exactly. and it's not doing the child any favors to have low expectations of them or to put them in situations you already know they aren't mature enough for. tolerating inappropriateness when it comes to children is bad for them long term. children don't come into the world automatically knowing what the right things to do are. adults have to teach them. kids who are made to feel they can do anything anywhere grow up to be socially maladjusted adults which can make for an unhappy life. we already have too many people making life harder for themselves than it really has to be. there are times we are going to be called on to take other adults to task. they might not appreciate it at the time but many times as a teacher i noted that once they have a chance to go home and get over the embarrassment they feel about being out of control of their child everything tends to get better. just like children. some adults need to know there is a line they can't cross with that child. it's up to the rest of us to draw it or sure enough it will have to be drawn later with bigger consequences.


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## tonynyc (Apr 25, 2014)

guess this thread is going to need a new title after awhile


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## sweetmarc (Apr 25, 2014)

Wow... so much hurt coming up here.

At least we aren't calling each other fat names... but aside from that it feels rough at times.

How can we get back to love?


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## vardon_grip (Apr 25, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> Now onto the others. I posted the link to my Blog to start a convo about what happened. Since then it has been turned around all on me and I am the bad guy yet again. Now that is total bullshit. That means the people who condone that woman calling me a spook are just as fucking raciest as they were. I have a zero tolerance when it come to people calling me outside my name like I was some slave picking cotton. Hell no those days are long gone. That woman is lucky I didn't punch her in the mouth for calling me that. The N word would have been next but the fat comment came next.
> 
> Not till after I was insulted did I tell that stupid bitch that she had a devil child and was a bad mother. I pay damn good money to go to an upscale salon where I can relax to the music playing and the massage spa chair rolling up my back. She was not paying attention to him at all. None of you were there bigmac, penguin and who ever else is acting like an ass about this post. So fuck you! I am so over all of your BS.
> 
> I have been a part of the Dims family for over a decade and you new people really suck. This use to be such a great place to chat. I even met my ex husband here on Dims. Now it is full of people I have no need to know. I am done done done done done. So drop it people. You have no idea how to have a convo. How do I block people on here that I don't want to see their posts?



Just because people don't agree with you, your blog or your attitude doesn't necessarily make them haters, haters who suck or haters who are stupid. Your blog is all yours to do with what you please, but on a discussion board people are free to respond and give their opinion on whatever is posted. When you tell people to "f-off" and that you want to block members and that you are done done done done done it really comes off as childish. "I'm gonna hold my breath 'til I get my way" kinda childish. There is no guarantee that people will respond how you want them to. It is one of the things that sucks about freedom of expression. 

You might want to refrain from using slurs and insulting the people in your blog and here at Dimensions if you want to highlight the injustice of fat slurs and insults against you. How is anyone to believe that you restrained your use of slurs against any of the people that you argued with if you don't restrain yourself here? "Stupid bitch" could have been, "Stupid beaner/rag head/gook bitch" before some creative editing. The facts from your blog show that you are not above slurs, slander and insults, so it's not a stretch for someone to think that it could go further. 

_All of a sudden the devil child was behind the spa chair in between the cords and could have been hurt so I asked her to get her child out of there. The Grandmother grabbed him then spanked him on the butt. Here come the tears then the Grandmother starts saying  no one is going to tell me how to discipline my grandchild. Then she looked at her daughter aka the mother and told her to never let anyone tell her how to treat her kids. All of a sudden the anger was turned onto me so I told the mother if she knew how to be a Mom her kid wouldnt behave like that. But I can see why he does because you had her for a mother, aka the grandmother. Then the grandmother called me a fat bitch, of course that was the first insult. _

In your blog you don't say that the others started insulting you first. "No one is going to tell me how to discipline my grandchild" isn't an insult, it's a statement. According to the "facts" that you put down...you spoke first, the grandmother responded with the discipline line and you insulted them first. Now you say that they insulted you first. To anyone who happens to see inconsistencies...it can look like you are changing the story to fit your agenda after the fact.

You say that no one from Dimension was there when you were insulted so they don't know what really happened. That doesn't work out so great for you if anyone were to apply some logic to the situation. Maybe you can't be contradicted, but you also can't corroborate what happened either. A lot of what is written on Dimensions or on any personal blog is self reported. It's not really "fact". There can be a large amount of "spin" put on any story. It's hard to remain objective when writing about oneself.

Maybe this will help you navigate the waters of Dimensions a little better next time.


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## firefly (Apr 25, 2014)

I can completely understand that it's hard to be called names or to be attacked. But I really don't think that being as verbally agressive as you are will calm a situation down.

Especially the situation with the child - you are the "guest" in the beauty salon and it's the "hosts" duty to take care of the rules being observed. You should have given the owner a hint so that he/she could have taken control over the situation. The threat to go to another salon is ... mhm... odd. 

I've just read this and I think it's somehow true: KINDNESS IS LOVE WEARING ITS WORKING BOOTS.

And your insult about the new people here on the board that destroy all the harmony is absurde, sorry - this makes me as fairly new member - compared to you - feel really uncomfortable in posting anywhere on the board!


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## swordchick (Apr 25, 2014)

At some point, you have to stand up for yourself. Love yourself first! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You have 3 older females & a child in a salon. Two of them were just sitting there while the child was being destructive. It is the parent's job to keep the child busy with activities. The other options are getting a babysitter for the child or not going to the salon at all. Most psychologists will say if your child is misbehaving and become a public disturbance then you and your child should leave immediately. This is a privilege and not a right. The salon owner asked the family to leave. I think the grandmother need to be spanked for spanking the grandson. It was not his fault that they weren't prepared, nor Monique's fault. 

I am very proud of Monique. She has always cared about the fat community. She is an amazing woman. I met and spent time with her in Vegas. She is a beautiful, kind, black, fat woman. She is not a spook or a cunt. She don't need a man.

Also, I am so sick of these racist undertones from some of these so-called intelligent, loving posters. If you want to keep going, I will start & it will not be on race. It will be on the truth.


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## swordchick (Apr 25, 2014)

Also, I do not see anything wrong with posting wish lists. I actually enjoy looking at them. But I love sending things to my online friends to let them know I care.


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## lucca23v2 (Apr 25, 2014)

*


moniquessbbw said:



I was right you all did everything I thought you would do. I knew you would judge. I knew you would hate.

Click to expand...

*


superodalisque said:


> i don't hate her. neither do all of the people who support her and agree with her. i am proud of her for not taking BS and acting weak. there are too many doing that already and being a bad example for the ones coming up after us. i love her for her honesty. i love her because she is her true self. i don't even have to agree with her to do that. at least she is not a liar and a fake. i respect her because she is brave enough to be who she is. and i can trust her because she isn't a liar who feels one thing and says another. if anyone has to pretend about who they are and what they think no one is going to love them anyway--because that isn't even a real person. it's a fake person. it's the figment of somebody else's imagination. people want to be cared for for their real selves and they want to care for an actual real person. they don't want to be some desperate lie to make other people comfortable with BS. they don't want people they care for to be a desperate liar. they don't want to mislead or be misled by people about what is appropriate so that life gets even worse for everyone later. they want to know the real person. they want to be a real person. the only people who don't want people to be real are those who don't care about anybody else except to get their own needs met. maybe it's time a lot of people learned to be_ nice_ to themselves by finally being their true self instead of something coughed up for the approval of others even if it means being some kind of a victim and then taking that out on innocent people later. what really isn't nice is to create yourself as a lie and then shock people later when they find out that what you've been saying isn't even what you really think.



Here we go.. Of course you SuperO would have to make a comment about my comment and get it wrong.* FOR CLARIFICATION...* I did not say people should hate her. What I said was.. You spew hate and people are suppose to love you? 

I don't mind people being themselves and making their views known. I do that myself. However, I don't think it is use to anyone to be nasty and hateful about it. Specially when you put things out there to purposely piss people off. "You get what you give" You want people to respect you and love you and be kind to you even when they don't agree with what you are saying, then you have to learn to do the same. 

But whatever, I am sure you SuperO will have something negative to say about this post as well. 

on that note.. on to a different thread. This one bores me...


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 25, 2014)

I just read the new posts for this thread. Still the same old BS coming from newbies who are what I now call haters. I don't post my Blog for people to agree with me. I write what happened to me and how I feel about it. Discuss it all you want. Find fault in me all you want. I just don't care what you think at this point. You are just a bunch of negative Nancy's. I could post something happy and you would find fault. I posted about my 8th year anniversary post WLS and it was from my Blog. I didn't see anyone pick it apart but I am sure you will now. Pick pick pick is all you people do. You condone raciest behavior. You condone stalking, abuse, domestic violence and much more. You condone it because you agree with it. If you didn't agree with it you wouldn't be coming after me like fly's to shit. I really am sick of the new people here. Dims was such a happy place once upon a time and only a couple people who posted on this thread has been here for the last decade. The rest of you just like to argue, fuss, bully and pick on me for some reason.

If I don't take shit from a stranger at a salon why do you think I will take any shit from any of you? Yes I said fuck off and I meant it! I mean it even more today than I did the other day when I posted it. Do I need to say it again for it to sink in? I know none of you could handle one day in my life and in my shoes. You would be crying like a little bitch going through the things I deal with daily just to stay alive. I am who I am. Take it or leave it so that is the fuck you for the day. I am liking my new work fuck. I never say it much but it fits in here quite well. I still would love to punch bigmac in the mouth for saying I should have been punched in my mouth. I bet not one of you would have the balls to debate me face to face. Yet again you would run and cry like a bitch when I was done telling you where to get off. I am not an angry person. I wake up every day and say thanks to God for a new day. But piss me off and yes I get angry. Take me or leave me I don't give a *fuck! *I know what happened, I lived it you didn't. When you assume you are the ass remember that. MoMo out I have a life to live, you all might want to try getting one. I don't think you can find a job with hater on your resume. I work for myself so I don't have to answer to anyone haha. Good luck in Haterville.

PS: I had to work next to the Bamboo pillow man again on Wednesday and he was late yet again. Even though I requested to never work next to him again due to his late behavior that was the only booth left. He knocked down a manikin with a white shirt on it and now the shirt can't be sold. He cost me money yet again. I gave him 2 choices. Pay for the shirt or give me a pillow. He gave me a pillow. But the point is this guy is nothing but trouble and does not care about his neighbor vendors. He has no respect for the market rules. We get 3 hours to set up and he shows up 15 min before we open. Not professional at all and that is why he causes so many problems. If he was on time we would have no issues setting up the line of tents. Each tent is a 10 x 10 but the legs are different by brand. His legs stick out, ours don't. I asked again not to be next to him for next week. I will see what happens next Wednesday. now I am really done with this topic. Huge festival this weekend to work. maybe some sunshine and fresh air would do you all some good. Get off the computer, go outside and experience life instead of judging me for having a life


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## superodalisque (Apr 25, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> Here we go.. Of course you SuperO would have to make a comment about my comment and get it wrong.* FOR CLARIFICATION...* I did not say people should hate her. What I said was.. You spew hate and people are suppose to love you?
> 
> I don't mind people being themselves and making their views known. I do that myself. However, I don't think it is use to anyone to be nasty and hateful about it. Specially when you put things out there to purposely piss people off. "You get what you give" You want people to respect you and love you and be kind to you even when they don't agree with what you are saying, then you have to learn to do the same.
> 
> ...





my point was she wasn't saying stuff for everybody to love her. and when she says what she has to say she does not have to lay down for anyone else's opinion either if she does not agree with it. don't expect her to change who she is or not say anything back. she is who she is. don't like it. don't read it.


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## superodalisque (Apr 25, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> I just read the new posts for this thread. Still the same old BS coming from newbies who are what I now call haters. I don't post my Blog for people to agree with me. I write what happened to me and how I feel about it. Discuss it all you want. Find fault in me all you want. I just don't care what you think at this point. You are just a bunch of negative Nancy's. I could post something happy and you would find fault. I posted about my 8th year anniversary post WLS and it was from my Blog. I didn't see anyone pick it apart but I am sure you will now. Pick pick pick is all you people do. You condone raciest behavior. You condone stalking, abuse, domestic violence and much more. You condone it because you agree with it. If you didn't agree with it you wouldn't be coming after me like fly's to shit. I really am sick of the new people here. Dims was such a happy place once upon a time and only a couple people who posted on this thread has been here for the last decade. The rest of you just like to argue, fuss, bully and pick on me for some reason.
> 
> If I don't take shit from a stranger at a salon why do you think I will take any shit from any of you? Yes I said fuck off and I meant it! I mean it even more today than I did the other day when I posted it. Do I need to say it again for it to sink in? I know none of you could handle one day in my life and in my shoes. You would be crying like a little bitch going through the things I deal with daily just to stay alive. I am who I am. Take it or leave it so that is the fuck you for the day. I am liking my new work fuck. I never say it much but it fits in here quite well. I still would love to punch bigmac in the mouth for saying I should have been punched in my mouth. I bet not one of you would have the balls to debate me face to face. Yet again you would run and cry like a bitch when I was done telling you where to get off. I am not an angry person. I wake up every day and say thanks to God for a new day. But piss me off and yes I get angry. Take me or leave me I don't give a *fuck! *I know what happened, I lived it you didn't. When you assume you are the ass remember that. MoMo out I have a life to live, you all might want to try getting one. I don't think you can find a job with hater on your resume. I work for myself so I don't have to answer to anyone haha. Good luck in Haterville.
> 
> PS: I had to work next to the Bamboo pillow man again on Wednesday and he was late yet again. Even though I requested to never work next to him again due to his late behavior that was the only booth left. He knocked down a manikin with a white shirt on it and now the shirt can't be sold. He cost me money yet again. I gave him 2 choices. Pay for the shirt or give me a pillow. He gave me a pillow. But the point is this guy is nothing but trouble and does not care about his neighbor vendors. He has no respect for the market rules. We get 3 hours to set up and he shows up 15 min before we open. Not professional at all and that is why he causes so many problems. If he was on time we would have no issues setting up the line of tents. Each tent is a 10 x 10 but the legs are different by brand. His legs stick out, ours don't. I asked again not to be next to him for next week. I will see what happens next Wednesday. now I am really done with this topic. Huge festival this weekend to work. maybe some sunshine and fresh air would do you all some good. Get off the computer, go outside and experience life instead of judging me for having a life



it's so weird that there are so any people who want fat folk to just lay down and take it in nearly every situation. no wonder it's so hard for them to enjoy being fat. being a punching bag for every last dysfunction and neurosis is enough to bring anybody down.


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## Saoirse (Apr 25, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> it's so weird that there are so any people who want fat folk to just lay down and take it in nearly every situation.



... I think those people are called FAs.




i had to.


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## superodalisque (Apr 25, 2014)

Saoirse said:


> ... I think those people are called FAs.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



i'm glad you did! lol. it wouldn't let me rep you.


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## penguin (Apr 25, 2014)

It's interesting how Monique hates people using slurs, yet uses sexist ones herself. She also threatens violence and exhibits dangerous behaviour. This is not "standing up for yourself." No one has said anything that condones sexist, racist (not raciest), or violent behaviour in their responses to her. 

You can stand up for yourself, be proud and confident, without exhibiting violent, bullying, or hypocritical behaviours.


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## bigmac (Apr 25, 2014)

penguin said:


> It's interesting how Monique hates people using slurs, yet uses sexist ones herself. She also threatens violence and exhibits dangerous behaviour. This is not "standing up for yourself." No one has said anything that condones sexist, racist (not raciest), or violent behaviour in their responses to her.
> 
> *You can stand up for yourself, be proud and confident, without exhibiting violent, bullying, or hypocritical behaviours.*



Yes! This!


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## superodalisque (Apr 25, 2014)

by all means, be very polite to abusers even when you feel like venting. in fact never ever vent anywhere at all. keep it in. eat yourself alive instead from the inside because it's much more important that you don't ever insult people who are hating on you or mistreating you. they are always more important than you are. having them like you is more important than your own real feelings anytime. that is very constructive and emotionally healthy. :doh:


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## penguin (Apr 25, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> by all means, be very polite to abusers even when you feel like venting. keep it in. eat yourself alive instead from the inside because it's much more important that you don't ever insult people who are hating on you or mistreating you. that is very constructive.



Why is it necessary to stoop to their level? If you can't vent about a situation or issue without resorting to slurs and insults, then you're continuing the cycle and no better than them. 

If you want to take things to the extreme like that, by all means go for it, but it shows a lack of understanding. If you don't like insults and slurs being used on you, don't use them on others. It doesn't matter what they did or said, it doesn't make it okay for you to do it back. It makes you just as bad as them, and it also makes you a hypocrite.


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## superodalisque (Apr 25, 2014)

people cope in different ways. don't like it. it don't look.

therapist would have never advocate that anyone should hold it in. what they do is ask questions and try to hear the person and they certainly don't attack them for describing something negative that happened in a negative way. a lot of you are just as abusive if not more so than the people she has encountered by invalidating her experience and are also very hypocritical about how you get to react when something bad happens to you. and certainly hardly any of you are short on having been impolite. it's extremely interesting that instead of saying, yes,these people were messed up. it's them and not you it's more important to say "i don't like how you said that" and to act as though she is talking about you personally. it's really weird considering we are on a fat site rife with people who get to vent daily about confrontations they have regarding their self image. interesting indeed. so next time somebody calls you a fat bitch or makes mooing noises when you walk by please remember to make nice about it and relate the story very politely and carefully even on a personal blog/diary purposefully away from the people who don't like bitchfests.  just swallow it down with all of the other negativity because it's unseemly to ever fight back if you feel the need because you probably deserved whatever happened to you anyway.


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## superodalisque (Apr 25, 2014)

this is for you Monique: 

View attachment 10007509_10152390828617464_4864564523595925125_n.jpg


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## bigmac (Apr 25, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> this is for you Monique:



Strong confident people get into few altercations. Bravado and vitriol are not signs of strength -- indeed just the opposite.


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 25, 2014)

bigmac said:


> Strong confident people get into few altercations. Bravado and vitriol are not signs of strength -- indeed just the opposite.



You must be referring to yourself because I know I am a strong woman. I also know how to handle myself. I don't hide behind web boards to get attention like you bigmac. Go some place where you can be alone with your special sauce and stop judging me and anyone else you want to judge.


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## Marlayna (Apr 25, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> i think it's really weird and messed up for people to put wish lists on the net--like begging from strangers.


Well, to each their own, but I find it kind of tacky as well, except for the Paysite girls. Asking for lingerie and other "offerings" is almost part of the job.


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## penguin (Apr 25, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> this is for you Monique:



Or sometimes people don't like you because they don't like your personality. Putting others down to make yourself feel better DOESN'T HELP ANYONE.




moniquessbbw said:


> I still want to punch bigmac in the mouth just because they are rude and condone racist behavior.



I'm sure that threatening violence on community members is against the rules. 

Again- NO ONE is condoning racist behaviour. If you choose to misread (or not read at all) what people say, that is on YOU. 



> Penguin is like a fart in the wind. It will blow away as you walk. She is a total hypocrite, a bitch yes I said it a bitch. I won't call you a fat bitch because I am also fat and would never do that. That would be oh so impolite.



Hey, calling me any kind of bitch is using sexist slurs, and I'm sure this kind of behaviour is also against forum rules. I don't condone abuse, sexism, or racism. I can disagree with you and call you out on your behaviour, while also not excusing what others have done. The fact they have been racist or sexist does NOT make your attacks okay.



> I also wont call you a cracker because that would be racist. But you say it is OK for strangers to call me a spook.



I never once said it was okay for ANYONE to call you ANY name, slur, or insult. I don't know if you're deliberately misreading things just so that you can stay mad at those who disagree with you, or if you really do need to work on your reading comprehension.



> Penguin how does it feel to live a life full of double standards? Next time you go out if you leave the house ever and someone calls you a fat bitch let me know how you feel. Since I just called you a bitch how did that feel? I want you to know I really mean it so it sinks in deep to your core. I hope you think about it before you answer back. In reality you wouldn't have the guts to say any of this to my face. I don't need to put my hands on anyone to get my point across.



It has happened to me many times. I have had many strangers throw sexist and ableist slurs at me as I walked down the street. Do you think you're the only fat person, or the only POC, to have been on the receiving end of it? I feel sorry for you, because you're so caught up in your need to hate that you refuse to see that you ARE part of the problem. I'm not and have never said that it was okay for anyone to insult you. I have pointed out that your behaviour isn't exemplary and should be checked. Your reactions here are unnecessary, inappropriate, and unwelcome. If you can't disagree with someone without resorting to insults and attacks like this, then you should not be participating in discussions.

And if we did meet face to face, I would still speak my mind and stand up for myself, because I too am strong and independent. I don't need to call people names or put them down to feel like I'm strong within myself. 

If you exhibit this kind of behaviour in real life, I'm very surprised you haven't been arrested.



> I can fight fair



No, you can't. You haven't shown anything in any of these discussions to uphold that statement. There also isn't a need to fight. I'm trying to discuss and debate, not fight. Approaching every discussion like it's a fight will have you constantly on the defensive, so it's no wonder you're behaving and reacting like this. Step back and breathe before posting.



> but as we see you like to start fights you can't finish. It's easy to judge when you're on the outside looking in. The old saying from the bible about let the person without sin cast the first stone. I am sure your little life is full of dirty secrets where my life is an open book. I wash my hands of you and wish you gone from my life and my reality. You have negative energy that is so strong it reaches around the world even though you live down under. Just leave me alone Penguin, go eat bigmac so they can go away too. FYI, yes you are still a bitch and I mean it



Why on earth do you think this behaviour is appropriate or acceptable? It's not. 



Marlayna said:


> Well, to each their own, but I find it kind of tacky as well, except for the Paysite girls. Asking for lingerie and other "offerings" is almost part of the job.



Great, you think it's tacky. It doesn't affect you...so, get over it. Your opinion has been noted and duly filed under "I don't give a fuck."


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## bigmac (Apr 25, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> You must be referring to yourself because I know I am a strong woman. *I also know how to handle myself*. I don't hide behind web boards to get attention like you bigmac. Go some place where you can be alone with your special sauce and stop judging me and anyone else you want to judge.



Sorry but your own words and actions show that you do not know how to handle yourself. Also, angry and strong are not the same thing.


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## Saoirse (Apr 26, 2014)

penguin said:


> It doesn't affect you...so, get over it.



uhmmmmmmmm


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## penguin (Apr 26, 2014)

Saoirse said:


> uhmmmmmmmm



I really doubt that seeing the words "I like stuff" as she's scrolling down the page will affect her, or anyone else, all that much.


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## superodalisque (Apr 26, 2014)

Saoirse said:


> uhmmmmmmmm



lol uh huh


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## superodalisque (Apr 26, 2014)

bigmac said:


> Sorry but your own words and actions show that you do not know how to handle yourself. Also, angry and strong are not the same thing.



kinda like saying twelve year old girls who are the victims of human trafficking are just willing prostitutes no matter what the stats or specialists say? people can and often do and say the MOST reprehensible things using very polite language. sometimes forceful angry words are appropriate in the defense of self and those who need our protection, like against people setting innocent children up for failure or dangerous situations. some things don't deserve nice. imminent injury often calls for more. of course it must be totally acceptable to allow a child to get electrocuted right in front of you while playing with electrical cords as long as you appear nice while doing so. maybe we could throw a little crack on a coffee table and allow the kid to go after that too? no wonder our children are in so much trouble. egocentric adults really have sacrificed them to their awful judgment.


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## penguin (Apr 26, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> kinda like saying twelve year old girls who are the victims of human trafficking are just willing prostitutes. people can and often do and say the MOST reprehensible things using very polite language. sometimes forceful angry words are appropriate in the defense of self and those who need our protection, like against people setting innocent children up for failure or danger in life. some things don't deserve nice. of course it must be totally acceptable to allow a child to get electrocuted right in front of you while playing with electrical cords as long as you appear nice while doing so. maybe we could throw a little crack on a coffee table and allow the kid to go after that too. no wonder our children are in so much trouble. egocentric adults really have sacrificed them to their have awful judgment.



Could you just once, PLEASE stick to the topic at hand?


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## superodalisque (Apr 26, 2014)

what topic is that? beating up on Monique because she looked after the welfare of a child? thank goodness some of the people here have absolutely nothing to do with the children i care about. they'd be lost. no wonder a lot of people's children are so full of fail.


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## superodalisque (Apr 26, 2014)

bigmac said:


> Over the years I've worked with quite a few men from various African countries. As a group they generally better read, more sophisticated, and much more fun loving than their American counterparts. My American colleagues actually held much more sexist attitudes -- when it comes to misogyny America is a world leader.



as usual you have absolutely no knowledge of what you are talking about. as someone who has actually spent time living in Africa and have various friends and family from all over the continent and from various countries i think i need to school you. even Bishop Desmond Tutu is at the fore of activism against the maltreatment of women all over Africa. abuse, under education being forced to have sex with husbands who come home with AIDS, genital mutilation, force feeding, and having the tolerance of a serious lack of educational equality all across the continent. stop being clueless. just because you meet people at work doesn't mean you know them. you've never been where they're from and you probably haven't had very much access to any of their home life except or what they want you to see. above all you are not a woman and have absolutely no idea how they can interact with one at times or what they tolerate in other people they know even if they don't participate in it. so don't start pretending to be some kind of an expert about how most African men behave with women.

sure they are more fun loving with you because they don't have to carry the vile memory of American style slavery racism and Jim Crowe in their background. just because an African smiles at you doesn't mean they like you. and, only the most social and ambitious actually immigrate to the US. quite naturally they'd look good to you and talk up their superiority because you have absolutely nothing to compare their words to and you obviously have no real African American friends either only acquaintances. otherwise you'd know better. stop watching housewives of atlanta for your racial education. if Africans are so successful then why are African Americans the wealthiest most educated black people in the world per capita, even though the African continent dwarfs us in terms of landmass and population and they actually own all of their land and resources. stop spreading bullshit just because you'd like to believe it. most decent educated Africans wouldn't even agree with you.


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## penguin (Apr 26, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> what topic is that? beating up on Monique because she looked after the welfare of a child? thank goodness some of the people here have absolutely nothing to do with the children i care about. they'd be lost. no wonder a lot of people's children are so full of fail.



You have a habit of drawing in completely ridiculous arguments to try to make whatever you think your point is. Child prostitution and electrocution? WTF? How does that have anything to do with Bigmac's statement that you were replying to?

I'm disagreeing with Monique's behaviour and attitude on the forums here and what she shares on her blog. It's what she says and how she reacts that I've been discussing, not the welfare of children or how you think she's the saviour of all mankind.

Your insinuation that the people involved in this thread are bad parents or caregivers because we disagree with aspects of what's been discussed is disgusting.


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## superodalisque (Apr 26, 2014)

and oh yes,burning gay people alive in the streets is socially progressive as well


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## tonynyc (Apr 26, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> what topic is that? beating up on Monique because she looked after the welfare of a child? thank goodness some of the people here have absolutely nothing to do with the children i care about. they'd be lost. no wonder a lot of people's children are so full of fail.



I doubt if the OP is getting "beat up" - folks are holding their own depending which side of the fence you are on. 

Since there were no ground rules for this thread to begin, the conversation in this thread has pretty much gone in so many directions and one can take their pick: 

1. The Blog 
2. Comments regarding the Dims Community and some individuals in this thread 
3. Friends/Fan of the Op
4. Those that have differences with the OP
5. "Other Stuff" 

Now, since this has been posted in an open Forum - the comments will come in (good-bad and indifferent)


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## superodalisque (Apr 26, 2014)

penguin said:


> You have a habit of drawing in completely ridiculous arguments to try to make whatever you think your point is. Child prostitution and electrocution? WTF? How does that have anything to do with Bigmac's statement that you were replying to?
> 
> I'm disagreeing with Monique's behaviour and attitude on the forums here and what she shares on her blog. It's what she says and how she reacts that I've been discussing, not the welfare of children or how you think she's the saviour of all mankind.
> 
> Your insinuation that the people involved in this thread are bad parents or caregivers because we disagree with aspects of what's been discussed is disgusting.



instead of hating on her blog or post here why not simply stop reading them. no one is compelling you to.

and as far as what i decide to post that isn't your business to control either. deal with your own content. if you don't understand the reference that's your problem. maybe it wasn't meant for you to understand.

her blog post has to do with the welfare of a child and is central but it's easy to miss if the child isn't our first concern but personal ego is . "nobody should tell me what to do with my child" is not an excuse for a child to be electrocuted and it is also not a good reason for someone to attack someone verbally based on their size. those people were embarrassed so they tried to take it out on Monique because fat people look like an easy target to them. a lot of us don't crumple to the floor when we get called fat just for doing the right thing. i'm happy Monique showed them that. i'm glad a lot of you weren't there in the salon allowing a child to do something dangerous and enabling people in their bad parenting.


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## superodalisque (Apr 26, 2014)

tonynyc said:


> I doubt if the OP is getting "beat up" - folks are holding their own depending which side of the fence you are on.
> 
> Since there were no ground rules for this thread to begin, the conversation in this thread has pretty much gone in so many directions and one can take their pick:
> 
> ...




people can post as they like. the priorities are interesting to note in terms of how people choose to prioritize their concerns though. hmmm do i choose:

the welfare of a child

insults based on weight against someone trying to protect a child in a forum which says it has a commitment to SA

whether i like the person who is making the post or their personal blog


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## tonynyc (Apr 26, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> people can post as they like. the priorities are interesting to note in terms of how people choose to prioritize their concerns though. hmmm do i choose:
> 
> the welfare of a child
> 
> ...



Well one can see the glass either "half-empty" or "half-full" take your pick. Also how one interprets what they are reading can also vary....

And unless you have amazing powers to read your friend's mind- no one can say what the true intentions are


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## superodalisque (Apr 26, 2014)

Yakatori said:


> Oh, I'm sure we've all had to deal with something. Somewhere along the line. Each playing to our own unique strengths, relative to own circumstances.
> 
> This is a fair question. Generally, when I witness family-disfunction first-hand, my first thought is toward whichever individual I see as most vulnerable and least culpable. In the case of your story, it would be the child. And I would be asking myself "What can I really do for this person? What serves them best, from the point of view if I had to be in their shoes.
> 
> ...



unfortunately as much as i generally really like what you have to say this leaves me feeling that this is exactly why our children suffer so much--because when we are made just a little uncomfortable we walk away from them. Monique was angry for a few minutes but as we know through research a little social pressure can go a long way. next time they go somewhere with their child they might remember and decide to watch their child and even save that child's life in some unknown way because of it. and they will also know that calling fat or the threat to won't absolve them from their responsibility to that child.

fat people are always wanting others to stand up and do the right thing where they are concerned. we want the rest of society to say/do something when we are being bullied or a fat child is being bullied. it's time for us to remember that we are a part of that society too. we also have responsibilities to others. if we walk away that makes it perfectly okay for other people to walk away from us when we need it. so by your reasoning we should never expect anyone to be on our side because they might not want to bother with the fallout? 

some people are bold. some people are not. that i can understand. what i can't understand is not allowing folks to be bold here others are not willing to be even when they know in their hearts they probably should. it's one thing to stand down yourself but something else altogether when people try to make the bold and willing stand down. i see a lot of abuse and neglect of children in my volunteer work. the one thing that makes it all possible is people saying and doing nothing.


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## superodalisque (Apr 26, 2014)

tonynyc said:


> Well one can see the glass either "half-empty" or "half-full" take your pick. Also how one interprets what they are reading can also vary....
> 
> And unless you have amazing powers to read your friend's mind- no one can say what the true intentions are



i think i know her better than you do then. and speaking just on pure logic, even if her intentions were not good the result is that someone in that moment had to take responsibility for a child not being electrocuted. someone realized fat calling wasn't going to cut them any slack. sometimes results count. do nothings didn't make that happen. but then again there are people who can't seem to focus on the relationship between results their actions. and that is why they are no closer to their personal or communal SA today than they were when they first started.


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## mango (Apr 26, 2014)

*I take exception to this thread. I question why the mods have allowed it to continue.

Let's start where the thread starts - it's title. "Fat haters all over"

The linked blog post doesn't highlight any real "fat hate", more just verbal altercations with people Monique has encountered on a day out. There were probably numerous different ways these situations could have been approached but Monique chose to be aggressive and make those situations worse. The "fat" insult was not at the crux of the issues of these confrontations. More just a verbal aside tossed in.

People browsing Dimensions should be aware that there are REAL encounters of fat hate, but these aren't really any of them. Crying wolf every time someone has an issue with you in public (or with something you said), diminishes and takes away from those of us who have encountered these real instances.

I think a more accurate title for this thread may be less an issue of "fat hate" and more along the lines of "self hate". Monique - you are carrying so much negativity and aggression inside, and venting your spleen and excess bile at everyone and every thing. Projecting your hatred on some guy near your booth or some little kid and his mom in a salon. We all encounter these type of people in our day and some of us are able to brush them off and not let them disturb our inner peace. Who cares about them?

If this had happened to me, frankly speaking, I wouldn't be broadcasting the details of these encounters on a blog and plastering links to it all over the web. If it were me, I'd be too embarrassed by it and the way I conducted myself in these instances. Nothing is worth losing your temper and blowing your cool over. Especially strangers who you don't know or have just met.


I also take exception to these two quotes.*


From the MoMo blog post linked said:


> Next thing I know I am being verbally abused by a man who was African and Columbian. The mix of those two cultures speaks volumes on how men treat women.





moniquessbbw said:


> I was referring to a man from the country of Africa where men rule and women have no say. It had nothing to do with African American men. I am talking about the men from places like Nigeria etc.



*Last time I checked, Africa was a continent, not a country. More importantly, I think it is wrong to broadly generalize about all men from Africa and Colombia and the way they supposedly treat women. I highly doubt that every African man or Colombian gent is a rabid misogynist. If I were a man from either of these two places, I would probably be deeply offended by such a remark. Tossing around insults only invites hostilities.

In actuality, your attitude speaks more volumes about you than anyone else in your blog.

Self hate. I think it's time to bury it and return to love.


Peace out.
*


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## fritzi (Apr 26, 2014)

mango said:


> *I take exception to this thread. I question why the mods have allowed it to continue.
> 
> Let's start where the thread starts - it's title. "Fat haters all over"
> 
> ...



Thank you for this wonderful compilation of common sense!

Let's hope the mod's get the message and close this thread.


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## tonynyc (Apr 26, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> i think i know her better than you do then. and speaking just on pure logic*, even if her intentions were not good the result is that someone in that moment had to take responsibility for a child not being electrocuted.* someone realized fat calling wasn't going to cut them any slack. sometimes results count. do nothings didn't make that happen. but then again there are people who can't seem to focus on the relationship between results their actions. and that is why they are no closer to their personal or communal SA today than they were when they first started.



*S*o what... you don't get a gold star for knowing your friend- you still cannot read her mind and using your flawed logic- that is the equivalent of yelling "fire" in a movie theater or eating pasta while riding the subway train...

Unless you were present at those events - you have no way of knowing how "well meaning" or "reckless" your pal was. 

Since you like calling folks out for non-action and you claim that you know the OP better than anyone... then you had the option to talk to your friend and simply put and end to what has become a useless thread. 

All we have is one side of the story. The curious thing is how these "Blog" threads that your friend starts is how they eventually end anyway.


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## moore2me (Apr 26, 2014)

Just to clean up few "accidents", a wise man once pointed out to me in this Board that "electrocuted" means the person was killed. It was our old wizard of lighting - *IMFree. * I bowed to his superior knowledge. I bring this out now because no one here would want to associated childish pranks and raising a ruckus with "Capital Punishment". If that happen, myself and I fear most of the world would be in danger.

And even more deadly is creating a panic in a crowded theater - whether it is falsely yelling "fire", or someone coming in scaring the audience into a panic, or locking the exit doors. These situations often turn deadly and result in the bodies of too many people piled at the exit doors - killed by the crush of the crowd, panicked like a herd of cattle stampeded. 

I think we could agree that the horrible, draining, composure testing day Monique had would fray most of our nerves. Most of us have special raw edges that certain people can keeping jumping on and quickly turn us into our alternate ego - the combat veteran who is ready to fight one more time. These "soft spots" are different for everyone - mine is I quickly lose my temper around loud noises and when everyone is yapping around me. This would get on my nerves faster than anything. Plus, when I do not feel good, it makes it even worse. My tolerance level drops even lower.

I also need to practice being more tolerant to others mistakes. This is one of my great weaknesses. Teaching school made me prone to correct others ' errors. Being a safety inspector for 20 years tended to make me think I was a "know it all" when it comes to what is and isn't dangerous. I need to work on this one (as exampled in this post).


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## PolkaDotty (Apr 26, 2014)

> Most of us have special raw edges that certain people can keeping jumping on and quickly turn us into our alternate ego - the combat veteran who is ready to fight one more time.



Monique contributed to, and was a willing participant in a fracas at a nail salon. *Please* tell me you didn't just compare her, even loosely, to a military veteran.


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## Wild Zero (Apr 26, 2014)

mango said:


> *I take exception to this thread. I question why the mods have allowed it to continue.
> 
> Let's start where the thread starts - it's title. "Fat haters all over"
> 
> ...



The other major issue with this thread, and Monique's even admitted it up thread, is that it's not posted to start a discussion. Look at the OP, a hyperlink, nothing more. And Monique's first reply to the responses to the thread isn't a discussion, it's one of her form letter "I KNEW THE HATERS WOULD REACT THIS WAY!" posts. That's entry-level flamebait, not a way to start a discussion unless the intention was to start a discussion on the OP's trolling.


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## bigmac (Apr 26, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> what topic is that? beating up on Monique because she looked after the welfare of a child? thank goodness some of the people here have absolutely nothing to do with the children i care about. they'd be lost. no wonder a lot of people's children are so full of fail.




The child in question wasn't being abused. Less than perfect parenting is not abuse. However, pointing out less than perfect parenting in a confrontational manner is a surefire way to create an altercation. Which is of course exactly what Monique did. The altercation had nothing to do with fat hate -- it had everything to do with one fat woman's anger control issues.


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## bigmac (Apr 26, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> as usual you have absolutely no knowledge of what you are talking about. as someone who has actually spent time living in Africa and have various friends and family from all over the continent and from various countries i think i need to school you. even Bishop Desmond Tutu is at the fore of activism against the maltreatment of women all over Africa. abuse, under education being forced to have sex with husbands who come home with AIDS, genital mutilation, force feeding, and having the tolerance of a serious lack of educational equality all across the continent. stop being clueless. just because you meet people at work doesn't mean you know them. you've never been where they're from and you probably haven't had very much access to any of their home life except or what they want you to see. above all you are not a woman and have absolutely no idea how they can interact with one at times or what they tolerate in other people they know even if they don't participate in it. so don't start pretending to be some kind of an expert about how most African men behave with women.
> 
> sure they are more fun loving with you because they don't have to carry the vile memory of American style slavery racism and Jim Crowe in their background. just because an African smiles at you doesn't mean they like you. and, only the most social and ambitious actually immigrate to the US. quite naturally they'd look good to you and talk up their superiority because you have absolutely nothing to compare their words to and you obviously have no real African American friends either only acquaintances. otherwise you'd know better. stop watching housewives of atlanta for your racial education. if Africans are so successful then why are African Americans the wealthiest most educated black people in the world per capita, even though the African continent dwarfs us in terms of landmass and population and they actually own all of their land and resources. stop spreading bullshit just because you'd like to believe it. most decent educated Africans wouldn't even agree with you.




I never said Africa was a perfect place. I'm sure there are terrible things happening there right now (good things as well). My comment related to my experience with African co-workers (of who there have been many). Since most of my African co-workers have been lawyers I'll readily admit they are not a representative sample. However they are a group of Africans who are not the least bit like your friend's negative stereotype.

You should also know that not all people who have traveled to Africa share your negative attitude.

And until you mentioned it I never knew there was a House Wives of Atlanta reality show.


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## wrestlingguy (Apr 26, 2014)

A few weeks ago, there was a Twitter campaign started by some fat feminist friends of mine who adopted the hashtag *#notyourgoodfatty* to describe their feelings of not wanting to sit in the corner and remain silent while those of "normal" size chided them as being "unhealthy overeaters who serve little purpose in the world other than to increase healthcare costs due to their gluttony".

They adopted the hashtag quietly on Twitter, but at some point, a few trolls who quasi follow my friends saw the hashtag and decided to participate, using the hashtag to promote their own brand of fat hate.

After attempting to have a discussion of issues with these trolls, some of the wiser people in the Size Acceptance movement suggested to the others that if they simply blocked the trolls, there wouldn't be any responses to them (since they couldn't see troll posts), meaning that the trolls end up doing a drama dance alone, making them look quite silly.

Somewhere in that story, there's a lesson. Sometimes, it's simply not worth discussing further.


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## tonynyc (Apr 26, 2014)

Wild Zero said:


> The other major issue with this thread, and Monique's even admitted it up thread, is that it's not posted to start a discussion. Look at the OP, a hyperlink, nothing more. And Monique's first reply to the responses to the thread isn't a discussion, it's one of her form letter "I KNEW THE HATERS WOULD REACT THIS WAY!" posts. That's entry-level flamebait, not a way to start a discussion unless the intention was to start a discussion on the OP's trolling.



*Well then a part III Blog/Discussion is probably soon to follow - stay tuned ... *



bigmac said:


> The child in question wasn't being abused. Less than perfect parenting is not abuse. However, pointing out less than perfect parenting in a confrontational manner is a surefire way to create an altercation. Which is of course exactly what Monique did. The altercation had nothing to do with fat hate -- it had everything to do with one fat woman's anger control issues.



*And doesn't it get dicey - if things start to get heated up and children are caught in the mix. 
*


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## Yakatori (Apr 26, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> "_what topic is that? beating up on Monique *because she looked after the welfare of a child?*..._"


That you make a point of framing it in this particular way signals for me that you realize how not everyone is interpreting *monique*'s words or actions in quite the same way. Which, kind of, brings *wrestlingguy*'s argument into play: The people who actually know *monique* personally are necessarily going to project their own instincts and interpretations of her personality & motivations from those RL encounters onto this particular situation. The people who don't know her as well are merely taking her own words at face value. Because that's mainly all they have to go on.

And it's not the writing-itself, per se. Like if it were a work of pure fiction. But more what they interpret about her, as a person, & in this particular situation as described by her. 

I don't really think either side is particularly wrong or unfair. Per se...



mango said:


> "_I take exception to this thread. I question why the mods have allowed it to continue._"


I think I can see why you do. But I don't agree. I like it. I think it's interesting.



mango said:


> "_Last time I checked, Africa was a continent, not a country._"


This-itself has already been addressed. I feel like to point it out yet again, so far after the fact, is kind of tired...


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## tonynyc (Apr 26, 2014)

Yakatori said:


> ... I feel like to point it out yet again, so far after the fact, is kind of tired...



Well this entire thread is a well worn out theme with more "stuff" or perhaps another new thread to follow.....


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## Donna (Apr 26, 2014)

There is definitely some highly charged language and emotion here and that seems to be obfuscating whatever messages people are trying to convey. I guess it is to be expected, though, when discussing the topic of hate. Would I have reacted the same way Monique did had I found myself in the same circumstances? I wouldnt. But I dont think she should be lambasted for reacting emotionally, either. Sexism and racism are definitive hot button issues, and I am sure as a woman of color Monique has had to deal with more than her fair share of both. Its no surprise that when faced with conflict, most folks reach for the obvious insultsrace, sex, even size. Its a reality and one that sucks, to be frank. 

Just as Monique chooses to meet anger with anger, we all have a choice. We cannot control how another person behaves, though I am sure we would like to say we can, any more than we can control the wind as it blows. What we can all control is how we react. We can reach down and try to understand the other persons motivations and try to react accordingly. Disagreement doesnt always equal hate, though. Its very true that just because someone doesnt agree with you or your assessment of a situation does not mean they hate you. As Wrestlingguys story illustrates, sometimes it is better not to react. Sometimes the best reaction is indifference. Why let them rent space in your head for free? 

I wonder, for all of the folks who have blogs, if it wouldn't better serve us to create a sticky thread for the bloggers to post links to their latest entry. Those who are inclined to read and comment do so on the blog itself. Isn't that one of the purposes of having a blog is the interaction? Every blog I have ever read has a comments section. This too would allow the owner of said blog to block or delete entries they are offended by without creating a virtual forum fight. It's just an idea...


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## MrSensible (Apr 26, 2014)

Donna said:


> There is definitely some highly charged language and emotion here and that seems to be obfuscating whatever messages people are trying to convey. I guess it is to be expected, though, when discussing the topic of hate. Would I have reacted the same way Monique did had I found myself in the same circumstances? I wouldnt. But I dont think she should be lambasted for reacting emotionally, either. Sexism and racism are definitive hot button issues, and I am sure as a woman of color Monique has had to deal with more than her fair share of both. Its no surprise that when faced with conflict, most folks reach for the obvious insultsrace, sex, even size. Its a reality and one that sucks, to be frank.
> 
> Just as Monique chooses to meet anger with anger, we all have a choice. We cannot control how another person behaves, though I am sure we would like to say we can, any more than we can control the wind as it blows. What we can all control is how we react. We can reach down and try to understand the other persons motivations and try to react accordingly. Disagreement doesnt always equal hate, though. Its very true that just because someone doesnt agree with you or your assessment of a situation does not mean they hate you. As Wrestlingguys story illustrates, sometimes it is better not to react. Sometimes the best reaction is indifference. Why let them rent space in your head for free?
> 
> I wonder, for all of the folks who have blogs, if it wouldn't better serve us to create a sticky thread for the bloggers to post links to their latest entry. Those who are inclined to read and comment do so on the blog itself. Isn't that one of the purposes of having a blog is the interaction? Every blog I have ever read has a comments section. This too would allow the owner of said blog to block or delete entries they are offended by without creating a virtual forum fight. It's just an idea...



I actually had a post written for this thread with very similar points, but you stated it far better and more succinctly than I did in mine. Well said .


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## Phantasia (Apr 26, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> i think i know her better than you do then. and speaking just on pure logic, even if her intentions were not good the result is that someone in that moment had to take responsibility for a child not being electrocuted. someone realized fat calling wasn't going to cut them any slack. sometimes results count. do nothings didn't make that happen. but then again there are people who can't seem to focus on the relationship between results their actions. and that is why they are no closer to their personal or communal SA today than they were when they first started.



Please. Monique was not concerned for the welfare of this child. She was annoyed by the kid. She is an angry, nasty person who gives fat women a bad image. She goes around venting her bile and claims people are mean to her because she is fat. Maybe it is because she sounds like a rotten person. At least she has a fly weave, though


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## moore2me (Apr 26, 2014)

Dear Phantasia,

This short fiasco of a thread has left short term members with entirely the wrong impression of Monique. I am writing this in an attempt to try and build a better bridge between women (and men) in our Forums. And Monique, forgive me if I fail to mention something important or gloss over a salient fact . . . . think of me as a ghost bio writer in training.

Have you read Monique's self bio in the DIMS Forum on WLS Surgery? If you haven't, you should - it is a riveting ride down a rocky road. Monique weighed nearly 600 lbs and had congestive heart failure and a host of other co-morbid conditions. In one week she had three major heart attacks and died on the operating tables & was revived. Her doctor recommended WLS to save her life.

The surgery was difficult. She was in intensive care for a week and suffered from infections that were to plague her for years. The poor girl had round after round of horrible flesh eating infections in her wounds that would bring a strong man to his knees. She was operated on again and again. She was stitched up again and again. It went on and on. As she lost weight, she had to have skin removed which caused more infections. More pain and more time in bed with horrible wounds.

As she began to recover. she was diagnosed with Lupus, another wicked disease that steals life and health from young women. I can't speak of Monique, but I have a cousin with Lupus. I have listened to my cousin talk of the nasty things Lupus does to her body. She is a young mother with three little kids. She has developed huge boils over parts of her body. Her teeth have all had to be pulled out and she has dentures. I went to visit her one day and she showed me her back - it looked like someone had poured scalding water on her and burned her skin - Her whole back was covered with second degree burns that came from the inside of her body. There are days when she does not have the strength to get out of bed. Taking care of her family is difficult.

Lupus kills about 5% of its victims every year. I lost a girlfriend who died in her 30's from Lupus - she had a pre-teen son at the time. The disease is serious in itself. So, Monique has to constantly battle some very, very serious life threatening diseases - heart disease, WLS complications and infections, Lupus and more that she has not told us about. Someone in an earlier post said she is not a warrior, I say she is a Amazon in battling life, and I only hope I can do as good when called to arms. And in other avenues, she has developed her own business which is successfully selling ladies clothes and has for years. She loves her parents and always speaks kindly of her mother (another high mark of a good citizen).

So please reconsider your position, with this new info in mind.


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## ConnieLynn (Apr 26, 2014)

Thank you, Donna and Conrad. 

I really do enjoy reading a number of Dimmers' blogs, and now there is a handy thread to keep up with them all.

Bloggers -- post your latest entries here.


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## Yakatori (Apr 26, 2014)

tonynyc said:


> "_Well this entire thread is a well worn out theme with more "stuff" or perhaps another new thread to follow....._"


But, even so, there are some legitimate points at issue. And that was not one. 

Not that I didn't notice or wouldn't have brought it up. But, once at least one person pointed it out, I kind of felt like it was something we could just move past. However:

.


Saoirse said:


> "_I love that you referred to the devil child as Satin. Was he smooth and shiny?_"


I was all set to dismiss this comment as petty and completely tangential. Till I noticed that *monique* went back and did some editing. 

So, maybe, for those who feel like threads such as these are incapable of producing a constructive result, not so hard to imagine there are other lessons at work as well. 



moniquessbbw said:


> "_...That means the people who condone that woman calling me a spook are just as fucking raciest as they were....._"


No. No one is condoning anything. The difference is none of the other people are here to answer for themselves. They aren't here offering their words or actions for consideration.

Either way, it's not really an either/or type of thing, right? If I take your story at face-value (which I do), I would say you're all wrong. The Mother is wrong. The Grandmother is wrong. The child has some culpability as well. But so does the teen, probably. So does the salon-owner, as well.

Actually, come to think of it, it’s funny to me how so many are all over the mother; but no one really seems to enter into the idea that the salon owner, who’s making the money off of all of this, should’ve interceded long before this escalated to the point that it did. Instead of just turning up the music?

Anyway, nothing _mutually-exclusive_ about how the fault works in this situation. Maybe that has something to do with the persistence of this kind of dysfunction. Too many leaving it to someone else to be the bigger person. To rise to the occasion. Too many looking past each other. Too many too invested the expression of ego.



superodalisque said:


> "_..*.i am proud of her for not taking BS and acting weak. there are too many doing that already.*..i love her for her honesty. i love her because she is her true self... at least she is not a liar and a fake. i respect her because she is brave enough to be who she is. and i can trust her because *she isn't a liar who feels one thing and says another*. if anyone has to pretend about who they are and what they think..._"


Yes, I am very happy for and proud of Monique as well. For standing up for herself and not being a _Catfish_? And for not being one of those people who follows too close behind you when you're driving. Or having one of those dried flecks of mucus/boogers that just lodges itself in a person’s nostrils. Making, like, a whistling noise every time air moves past it. And, then, leaves it up to me to say something about it?

Although, I'm not so sure what any of that really has to do with what some of us are trying to talk about? Since, again, it's not really a _mutually-exclusive_ thing. Plenty of fat people and others manage to stand-up for themselves in all kinds of situations, in all kinds of ways, without stooping to epithets or bullying or posturing. Just like plenty of people 'vent' or express either their feelings or ideas, and are totally real & authentic in doing so, without trying to lord their privilege over others or humiliate or demean them. 

I support *monique*. But more so in the belief that she can do a little better.



superodalisque said:


> ...it's not doing the child any favors to have low expectations of them or to put them in situations you already know they aren't mature enough for. tolerating inappropriateness when it comes to children is bad for them long term. children don't come into the world automatically knowing what the right things to do are. adults have to teach them....*there are times we are going to be called on to take other adults to task. they might not appreciate it at the time* but many times ....*once they have a chance to go home and get over the embarrassment they feel about being out of control of their child everything tends to get better.* just like children. some adults need to know there is a line they can't cross with that child. it's up to the rest of us to draw it or sure enough it will have to be drawn later with bigger consequences.


Oh, I totally agree. 

Certainly, it _can_ work that way. It probably seems to much more so if you're the type who doesn't worry so much about how the sausage gets made.

Except, just how is this so different from *monique*'s and others’ bristling at the critiques offered here? Because of how some of us _don't really know her_ so well? That is, basic ignorance of her situation or circumstances, what she's faced in the past, or not having as direct or intimate knowledge of this situation in particular is not really a reason to suspend all judgment, our telling her that she's wrong (in her basic understanding) or did or said something wrong or could've, maybe, handled that one a little better.

As she-herself; with no kids of her own and, obviously, enjoying a certain degree of familial support; is doing the very same thing to this family, whose circumstances she knows very little about. Except, of course, that they're '_ghetto_. 



superodalisque said:


> "_...some things don't deserve nice. imminent injury often calls for more. of course it must be totally acceptable to allow a child to get electrocuted right in front of you while playing with electrical cords as long as you appear nice while doing so..._"


But who's making the argument for nice? Or polite? Just for the sake it? I think it's more a question, as a basic point at issue, of what's actually effective. That this can fluctuate wildly from one situation to the next. 

Naturally, if your only tool is a hammer (or airhorn).... And, honestly, I think people have legitimate doubts that *monique*'s approach, her intent, is about anything other than her own feelings.


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## bigmac (Apr 26, 2014)

Phantasia said:


> Please. Monique was not concerned for the welfare of this child. * She was annoyed by the kid.* She is an angry, nasty person who gives fat women a bad image. She goes around venting her bile and claims people are mean to her because she is fat. Maybe it is because she sounds like a rotten person. At least she has a fly weave, though



Exactly, trying to portray this incident as relating to the child's welfare is disingenuous in the extreme.


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## penguin (Apr 26, 2014)

moore2me said:


> So please reconsider your position, with this new info in mind.



Whatever she has gone through is no excuse for the behaviour she exhibits now. Often the only thing we can choose and control in life are our reactions. And how we react is always a choice. When someone consistently chooses to respond with anger, hate, and violence...then I'm not going to look into their past and wipe the board clean because they've had a bad time. If they choose to try to control themselves better, as well as apologise for their actions and make amends, or try, then I can be understanding.


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## bigmac (Apr 27, 2014)

Yes, I'm sure Monique has endured much and overcome much. Her past may well explain why she is so angry but it doesn't justify her actions. The vast majority of people in jails and prisons have had absolutely horrible lives. That doesn't stop society from holding them accountable for their actions -- nor should it.


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## superodalisque (Apr 27, 2014)

it's highly obvious lot f you haven't even really read that blog entry--how sad


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 27, 2014)

penguin said:


> Or sometimes people don't like you because they don't like your personality. Putting others down to make yourself feel better DOESN'T HELP ANYONE.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I took a deep breath and then laughed as you told someone else in the post to fuck off. You are just a two faced judgmental hypocrite. I guess it was OK for bigmac to wish that I was punched in the mouth. It was also OK for you to tell someone else to fuck off. It is also OK for you to judge, preach like you are high and mighty. I for one could give a rats ass what you think. You are way too dysfunctional for me to even deal with anymore. You have a switch that just isn't flipped on. You seriously are lost and just will never get it. On that note nothing you have to say means anything to me. It all now sounds like blah blah blah. You also don't give a shit about the rules here. You are an attack troll. I post you troll it then attack. I could Blog about the sunshine and you would judge me getting my daily dose of vitamin D. You are just a really lost soul that needs to just leave me alone.


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 27, 2014)

Phantasia said:


> Please. Monique was not concerned for the welfare of this child. She was annoyed by the kid. She is an angry, nasty person who gives fat women a bad image. She goes around venting her bile and claims people are mean to her because she is fat. Maybe it is because she sounds like a rotten person. At least she has a fly weave, though



LMAO I do have a fly weave


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## bigmac (Apr 27, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> I took a deep breath and then laughed as you told someone else in the post to fuck off. You are just a two faced judgmental hypocrite. I guess it was OK for bigmac to wish that I was punched in the mouth. It was also OK for you to tell someone else to fuck off. It is also OK for you to judge, preach like you are high and mighty. I for one could give a rats ass what you think. You are way too dysfunctional for me to even deal with anymore. You have a switch that just isn't flipped on. You seriously are lost and just will never get it. On that note nothing you have to say means anything to me. It all now sounds like blah blah blah. You also don't give a shit about the rules here. You are an attack troll. I post you troll it then attack. I could Blog about the sunshine and you would judge me getting my daily dose of vitamin D. You are just a really lost soul that needs to just leave me alone.



Your persecution complex is showing. I never wished you punched -- I said you were lucky you were not punched. That's a world of difference.


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## moniquessbbw (Apr 27, 2014)

Mango you have always been a cool guy when I see you at a bash here and there. But you only know me in passing as we say hello and goodbye. Don't judge, you weren't there. Also don't pretend to know anything about me. I am not a self hating person. I love myself very deeply that is why I have worked my ass off to lose enough weight to stay alive for the last eight years. The truth is most of you here don't know me at all or anything about my life. 

You see me as some angry evil bitch. That's fine by me. I rather be a bitch than a door mat any day of the week. I will leave you all to your thoughts about me and the situation. You must also remember not one of you was there. Not one of you lived it. Me and my Mom were there. So we know the truth. I don't need any of you to validate my experience or my actions. I am a grown woman why can say and do as I like. That's one of the best parts of being me, I do as I please. I don't live by your rules. I live by my own rules. Take it or leave it. Buh Bye there is nothing left to be said about this on my end. You all can keep it rolling if you like but I am out.


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## penguin (Apr 27, 2014)

moniquessbbw said:


> I took a deep breath and then laughed as you told someone else in the post to fuck off. You are just a two faced judgmental hypocrite. I guess it was OK for bigmac to wish that I was punched in the mouth. It was also OK for you to tell someone else to fuck off. It is also OK for you to judge, preach like you are high and mighty. I for one could give a rats ass what you think. You are way too dysfunctional for me to even deal with anymore. You have a switch that just isn't flipped on. You seriously are lost and just will never get it. On that note nothing you have to say means anything to me. It all now sounds like blah blah blah. You also don't give a shit about the rules here. You are an attack troll. I post you troll it then attack. I could Blog about the sunshine and you would judge me getting my daily dose of vitamin D. You are just a really lost soul that needs to just leave me alone.



You really need to work on your reading comprehension.


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## tonynyc (Apr 27, 2014)

moore2me said:


> Dear Phantasia,
> 
> This short fiasco of a thread has left short term members with entirely the wrong impression of Monique. I am writing this in an attempt to try and build a better bridge between women (and men) in our Forums. And Monique, forgive me if I fail to mention something important or gloss over a salient fact . . . . think of me as a ghost bio writer in training.
> 
> ...



*Very eloquent post - however, despite your "well meaning" and "best" efforts - it appears that your services as the OP's "Ghost Bio Writer" is not needed*


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## Phantasia (Apr 27, 2014)

I find it amusing that several people in this thread continually bend over backwards to excuse the OP's appalling behavior and attitude. We all endure strife and pain in our lives. I have known people that have had it much worse than "MoMo". They do not go around threatening physical violence, telling people to fuck off, etc. They have self-respect AND respect for others and don't resort to vulgarities or abusive behavior. Enjoy your hat hair.


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## tonynyc (Apr 27, 2014)

Phantasia said:


> I find it amusing that several people in this thread continually bend over backwards to excuse the OP's appalling behavior and attitude. We all endure strife and pain in our lives. I have known people that have had it much worse than "MoMo". They do not go around threatening physical violence, telling people to fuck off, etc. They have self-respect AND respect for others and don't resort to vulgarities or abusive behavior. Enjoy your hat hair.



This could have been an opportunity for discussion- but, the latest postings can only leave those with the following feelings regarding the OP.... 

Sympathy
Indifference
Dislike


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## Phantasia (Apr 27, 2014)

tonynyc said:


> This could have been an opportunity for discussion- but, the latest postings can only leave those with the following feelings regarding the OP....
> 
> Sympathy
> Indifference
> Dislike



Sadly, very true. Are there any active moderators on this board that could direct things to keep threads civil and constructive? I truly wish Monique the best and hope she finds peace and happiness in her life.


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## Donna (Apr 27, 2014)

Again, the subject is hate so I guess we shouldn't be surprised that the discussion got very ugly very fast. None of us were there and very few us know Monique personally. However, we can all hopefully find something in her story that we can empathize with. I've been at the salon with a misbehaving child and an inattentive or oblivious Mother. Held my tongue, though because these days you never know whose carrying or what their propensity for violence is.


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## Is_it_just_me? (Apr 27, 2014)

One thing I have learned about Scorpios is they like to make up stories 
and exaggerate the truth. That being said, let me shed a little 
light on your so called hero. If you disagree with her she snaps back with you dont know me!
0r you are just a hater, or jealous of me. And those of you who stand beside her might know her 
briefly from bashes or online encounters where anyone can paint a pretty 
picture of them selves, and convince you that they are always the victim, And would never 
stoop to victimizing someone else.

Well guess what Monique I do know you and I know you and your victimizing very well. From first hand experience.
See I was a regular at the Butterfly lounge from day one. And I observed your rise and fall thru out the ten years 
I was a patron. I saw you regularly treat people very rudely and try to bring them down to your level by striking out at 
their insecurities, while trying to cover up your own. I remember many times you and "the entourage" would talk down to the
other woman that would get more attention then you. All the catty behavior from you and Kathleen. Calling girls names, talking
behind their back while making nice to their faces. If a girl had a mans attention and you wanted it, you would just get between 
them and do your darnedest to lure him away, But it didn't always work out for you did it? No, So then you would start the rumors,
"That girl is a whore" "She blew him in the parking lot" Blah blah blah. I even witnessed you back stabbing people you called 
close friends, trying to better your own squashing business. In one of your post in this thread you stated that "You were just trying 
to stay alive for the past eight years" Is drinking yourself into a stooper and falling down drunk all over the club really good for your
health? And isn't that the real reason you were banned from the club? And isn't that in fact the reason behind you and Kathleens falling out?
That the owner of the Lions Den Told Kathleen you were no longer allowed in the club, because you are a liability? And you got your panties 
in a bunch because Kathleen chose her business over you? 

To be honest these are not really questions, they are just the facts. I really do not need nor require a 
response from you, as this will be my only post on this matter so don't think you are getting a new sparing partner with me  The last thing I 
Want is to become a victim of the slander on your blog that you have already done to many other innocent people.


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## Phantasia (Apr 27, 2014)

Oh boy. I don't think many of us are surprised by your revelations, Is_it_just_me? However, I do think it is time to lock the thread.


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## swordchick (Apr 27, 2014)

Well, Monique did say she'd rather be a bitch than a door mat. If her bitchiness keeps people reading her blog & responding to it, it shows that she's smarter, stronger & more confident than some of you think.


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## Phantasia (Apr 27, 2014)

swordchick said:


> Well, Monique did say she'd rather be a bitch than a door mat. If her bitchiness keeps people reading her blog & responding to it, it shows that she's smarter, stronger & more confident than some of you think.



Um, yeah. I am neither a bitch nor a doormat. Smart, strong, confident people don't resort to physical violence and name calling. She is quite the opposite.


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## AnnMarie (Apr 27, 2014)

This is done. No longer productive and degrading. 

Don't start new threads about it or drag topic to other threads.


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