# Her shape/belly shape ... new member with gaining girlfriend



## ilovethickblackwomen (Mar 22, 2007)

I'm new to these forums and this is my first post.

I've long since been an admirer of "thick/curvy" women, always had a thing for big butts, big bellies, hips and thighs. Other than in high school, all of the women I have dated have been plus size. Shape is not only easier on the eye, but feels wonderful.

I am dating a girl now who is around 5'4 and 200lbs. Her "non-fat" (her words) weight was 150ish and she wants to get back there, however given her current eating an excersize habits she's much more likely to continue gaining than to lose. I am fine with this, except . . .

As I stated before, I definitely have a thing for a round belly on a women. The thing is, I love love love love the big round bellies that make her look like she's pregnant. smooth, soft, and globular. Hers is not that type. She has the type of stomach, it has a very deep crease and fold at her belly button, separating it into two bulges. Her stomach is not even very big, in fact the majority of her weight is in her breast and hips. But the fact that it's two parts and not round is actually kind of unattractive to me.

So my question is, if I encourage her to continue gaining weight, will she eventually fill out and her belly become round, eliminating the crease? Or is it the other way around, will it be more round if she loses weight? (She was already within 10lbs of her current weight when we met). I've dated women considerably heavier than her who did have the round, smooth belly.

I've made it clear I find her attractive regardless. And she has plenty of self-confidence and knows she looks damn good at any weight. But since she wants to change her body, and it looks like it will be going one direction or the other, I'd like to encourage her in such a way that I find attractive.

Any thoughts?


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## Tooz (Mar 22, 2007)

... Uh, well, no. That's probably just her stomach style.


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 22, 2007)

It's possible, but there are many factors that must be brought to the table. It depends on her genetics (Which from what you already said might mean it isn't liable to happen), the foods that are eaten, the amount of weight gained, the change in lifestyle (Should there be one), and so on.


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## Totmacher (Mar 22, 2007)

... where she wears her belt, maybe?


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## Tooz (Mar 22, 2007)

ilovethickblackwomen said:


> Hers is not that type. She has the type of stomach, it has a very deep crease and fold at her belly button, separating it into two bulges. Her stomach is not even very big, in fact the majority of her weight is in her breast and hips. But the fact that it's two parts and not round is actually kind of unattractive to me.



Also, this post bothers me a little-- like you want to "fix" your SO. "How can I get it to ____?" She's not an ITEM, she's a person. Either fixate on what you like, or if you can't move past it, move on to someone else.


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## AnnMarie (Mar 22, 2007)

That's her type of belly.... live with it or don't.

Even better, break up and let her find a guy who appreciates her big belly no matter what "style" it comes in. 

I'm all for preferences, but finding her belly unattractive as it has developed and wondering if you should encourage her to gain based solely on whether you'll like her belly more or less is just assholery of the highest order.


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## ClashCityRocker (Mar 22, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> That's her type of belly.... live with it or don't.
> 
> Even better, break up and let her find a guy who appreciates her big belly no matter what "style" it comes in.
> 
> I'm all for preferences, but finding her belly unattractive as it has developed and wondering if you should encourage her to gain based solely on whether you'll like her belly more or less is just assholery of the highest order.



i second that.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 22, 2007)

^^^ Thirded. 

I'm pretty sure one could just release the Feeder hounds and you'll see how long her belly would be whined about for.  

Just be grateful for what you've got.


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## ZainTheInsane (Mar 23, 2007)

Fourthed?

In any case, how shallow are you to want to change your girlfriend simply because she isn't exactly the way you want her to look. And if you truly found her attractive, you wouldn't be fucking complaining about her figure. Excuse my profane use of language, but you're an idiot. 

I can see one thing being picky when selecting a girlfriend, before you start dating...but after dating, it is basically assumed that she is who she is...bodily anyway, if whatever her weight or size, as long as you continue to be attracted to her, what's the point in asking how to change her? She is who she is...either dump her and move on cause you're a shallow ass, or stay with her because you still like her and care for her and find her attractive. 

Either way, don't look for ways to change someone behind their back. There is really no point to it. And it is inexcuseable.


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 23, 2007)

+5. Though I did give you some things to think about, I don't think it's a very good idea.


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## Tina (Mar 23, 2007)

ilovethickblackwomen said:


> I've made it clear I find her attractive regardless. And she has plenty of self-confidence and knows she looks damn good at any weight. But since she wants to change her body, and it looks like it will be going one direction or the other, I'd like to encourage her in such a way that I find attractive.
> 
> Any thoughts?



It is unlikely her stomach will change its shape. It will just grow to be a larger version of what it is now. Frankly, her body is not about you. Perhaps there are things she finds unattractive about you, too -- ever think of that? No one is perfect.


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## ClashCityRocker (Mar 23, 2007)

ZainTheInsane said:


> Fourthed?QUOTE]
> 
> i believe the proper spelling is FOURTHDED.


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## Ivy (Mar 24, 2007)

that is her style of belly.. i sure hope you have never told her that her belly is "unattractive." if you have, you're a total dick. 

if my boyfriend told me that he found my belly unattractive, i would become so self conscious and feel really shitty about myself whenever i was around him in the nude.. not to mention the fact that i would dump him faster than you can say "shitty boyfriend."


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## Waxwing (Mar 24, 2007)

The fact that he's a new poster is fine with me, actually... but it's unlikely that even if he keeps posting he'll say anything that's not reductive, judgmental, and creepy. That's actually kind of unattractive to me. 

So the question is, if I keep encouraging him to post, will he realize that his original comment made people angry, return with some revised explanations about how he loves his beautiful girlfriend no matter what, or will he have no idea why we're annoyed and simply think I'm a bitch? 

Any thoughts?


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## pickleman357 (Mar 24, 2007)

Okay, I'm feeling really forgiving right now and I'm going to assume a few things about ilovethickblackwomen.
1. He's a guy and absolutely terrible with words. I know I am
2. He's confused because God gave man a brain and a dick and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Now, my suggestion to ilovethickblackwomen is this; break up the relationship and just be friends. Why? Because if you don't find your partner attrative for _whatever _reason, there's always going to be that friction that will slowly dig at your relationship and end it later, but a lot messier.

or

If you truely truely truely love her, you adore her, you would take a bullet for her, have her kids and do anything for her, then do this. Picture her when she's 95 years old. Wrinkly, saggy, grey hair, and (for most of us) no sex appeal what so ever, because this is where we are all going. If you can love her then, then you can love her in the body she has now.
If not, break up and stay friends.

Hope that helps.


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## Stealth (Mar 24, 2007)

> He's confused because God gave man a brain and a dick and only enough blood to run one at a time.



Best. Comment. Evarr!


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## tjw1971 (Mar 26, 2007)

It's only human nature to have a number of little preferences in your head about what you'd find ideal in a partner. If you refused to "settle" for anything less than a partner who met every single one of those little "qualifications" though, you'd *never* date anybody!

Every relationship involves compromises. It compromises your individual freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want, right? So why would you think there's not also some compromise going on when you select a partner for their physical and mental attraction to you?

It's "crossing a line" if you're trying to force a person to change their looks just to please you. But I see nothing wrong with putting suggestions out there for things you'd find more attractive for a partner to do? (EG. If I was with a woman and she said she really preferred me with shorter hair, I'd consider keeping it shorter just for her. It's not like it's a request that demands a lot of effort from me.)

I assumed this guy was just asking if his woman's belly shape might change if she gained weight, or if it was much more typical for it not to. He never said he told HER he finds her belly "unattractive". He's just telling this forum, full of people who don't even know the woman.... And if that's the only detail he'd prefer was different about her, I'd say he's doing pretty good.


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## VictoriaLeigh (Mar 26, 2007)

Belly is as belly is.... IE at 240 I was a double roller and at 370 and prego I was a double roller.... women are how they are....


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## AnnMarie (Mar 26, 2007)

tjw1971 said:


> I assumed this guy was just asking if his woman's belly shape might change if she gained weight, or if it was much more typical for it not to. He never said he told HER he finds her belly "unattractive". He's just telling this forum, full of people who don't even know the woman.... And if that's the only detail he'd prefer was different about her, I'd say he's doing pretty good.



The issue is he only wants to support her weight/gain if it's going to change her belly to what he likes, not if it's just going to be more of what he already finds unattractive. This isn't even close to the same as someone cutting their hair or keeping it long for a partner, it's a fundamental problem about the way she is built, and he's turned off by it. 

If he doesn't like it and can't learn to, then he should move on and not try to change her only to please him. 

Sorry, I can't feel bad about it. He can have his opinions and attractions, no problem... but his seeming desire to "craft" her a "more attractive" belly (for HIM) is just over the line, and whether he's actually said the words to her or not, most women can pick up on that kind of disapproval. If I was with an FA who avoided my belly, I'd know there was something wrong, and it would effect everything about how I acted when I was with them.


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## Tooz (Mar 26, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> The issue is he only wants to support her weight/gain if it's going to change her belly to what he likes, not if it's just going to be more of what he already finds unattractive. This isn't even close to the same as someone cutting their hair or keeping it long for a partner, it's a fundamental problem about the way she is built, and he's turned off by it.
> 
> If he doesn't like it and can't learn to, then he should move on and not try to change her only to please him.
> 
> Sorry, I can't feel bad about it. He can have his opinions and attractions, no problem... but his seeming desire to "craft" her a "more attractive" belly (for HIM) is just over the line, and whether he's actually said the words to her or not, most women can pick up on that kind of disapproval. If I was with an FA who avoided my belly, I'd know there was something wrong, and it would effect everything about how I acted when I was with them.



Wanted to rep you for putting this so well, but it won't let me.


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## love dubh (Mar 26, 2007)

Covered, t00z.


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## ccharger (Mar 30, 2007)

I think you should really be honest with yourself on how important this is to you. Don't fool yourself by telling yourself that it is not a big deal, if you know that it is. I'm speaking from experience and paying for it now. As much as I love my wife and can't imagine my life without her, I think we both would have been happier in the end if I didn't convince myself that I would be able to get over my hangups with body size/type. The sad truth is that I get more hung up on it over time because it is still what I want and no amount of wishful thinking, praying, or mental excercise changes that. Some people like to call you an asshole (as I've noted on this chain) for feeling as such, but I just say that those who have not had to deal with such emotions or desires are just damn lucky, especially when they are for a body type that is rare and unaccepted in society. Give yourself some time and try to find a way to test yourself if you are unsure of how you really feel, but don't overcommit until you are really sure you know who you are. It would be better to be patient and wait for someone who you can be honest with your hangups, fits them, and doesn't mind, or is glad about it.

Good Luck


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## AnnMarie (Mar 30, 2007)

ccharger said:


> I think you should really be honest with yourself on how important this is to you. Don't fool yourself by telling yourself that it is not a big deal, if you know that it is. I'm speaking from experience and paying for it now. As much as I love my wife and can't imagine my life without her, I think we both would have been happier in the end if I didn't convince myself that I would be able to get over my hangups with body size/type. The sad truth is that I get more hung up on it over time because it is still what I want and no amount of wishful thinking, praying, or mental excercise changes that. Some people like to call you an asshole (as I've noted on this chain) for feeling as such, but I just say that those who have not had to deal with such emotions or desires are just damn lucky, especially when they are for a body type that is rare and unaccepted in society. Give yourself some time and try to find a way to test yourself if you are unsure of how you really feel, but don't overcommit until you are really sure you know who you are. It would be better to be patient and wait for someone who you can be honest with your hangups, fits them, and doesn't mind, or is glad about it.
> 
> Good Luck



Just to be perfectly clear, my "assholery" comment was in him wanting to try to make her gain to change her shape, but ONLY if it happened to be into the shape he wanted. 

I have defended a million times, and I'm sure a million times to come, people's right to have a preference in what they aesthetically desire and to seek it out. 

If he honestly feels as strong about her belly as he said here, I think he should break up with her - she deserves someone who enjoys her as is, and then maybe he can fixate on finding the "belly" of his dreams.


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## ilovethickblackwomen (Mar 31, 2007)

I'm not going to spend time defiending myself against the variety of unhappy replies-- maybe it wasnt clear from my first post. I am very attracted to this girl. However, when it comes to physical attraction (and otherwise for that matter) there will always be specific things about the person you dont like as much as others. I'm sure she could point out plenty of things about me. I dont have a problem with it and she doesnt either.

The bottom line is, I encountered something I hadnt before. I was curious. I attempted to ask the experts. For the most part, it didnt go well.

For the record, her own theory: she gained weight once before and lost it rather quickly and unhealthily. When she gained it back, everything was much less firm and shapely because the skin was already loose. She wants to lose weight again. I support her in whatever she wants to do, but I told her, as far as my preference goes, dont worry about losing, just tone up some if she wants to. I'll be interested to see how her body changes whatever direction she goes.


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## pickleman357 (Apr 1, 2007)

exaclty, be happy with the way she is because we're all going to be old gray and wrinkly at the end of it all. 

Cheers


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## goldendiamondeyes (Apr 1, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Also, this post bothers me a little-- like you want to "fix" your SO. "How can I get it to ____?" She's not an ITEM, she's a person. Either fixate on what you like, or if you can't move past it, move on to someone else.



AMEN

Us ssbbw/bbw's are people we come in all forms of shapes and sizes.... some people need tolook past the body and look at the person.....


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## aeris (Apr 3, 2007)

ilovethickblackwomen said:


> However, when it comes to physical attraction (and otherwise for that matter) there will always be specific things about the person you dont like as much as others..



I'm not too certain I agree with this... I've had plenty of boyfriends, and there was always the initial attraction but there would still be little things that I didn't find quite as attractive. However, as the relationship progressed I learned to love those things anyway. In my opinion, if you truly love and care about someone then you will accept them for who they are because thats who they are.

But, thats just my opinion


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## Falling Boy (Apr 7, 2007)

It just sorta seemed to me that he was asking if anyone had any ideas as to what may happen to her belly as she gained. And he did make the comment that he finds her attractive no matter what. I saw no comments about "fixing her" Give the guy a fucking break this is the weight board.


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## goldendiamondeyes (Apr 7, 2007)

ilovethickblackwomen said:


> I'm not going to spend time defiending myself against the variety of unhappy replies-- maybe it wasnt clear from my first post. I am very attracted to this girl. However, when it comes to physical attraction (and otherwise for that matter) there will always be specific things about the person you dont like as much as others. I'm sure she could point out plenty of things about me. I dont have a problem with it and she doesnt either.



_I don't know what is wrong with all these "BITCHY" :shocked: women on this group......I think it is "Know it all's" who think they know everything......BUT  

Here is what I have thought about.......I am a SSBBW with a huge belly, hanging and aprony and all that HUGE jigglyness.......I don't have the huge rump and thighs like some SSBBW's (which is what I'd love to have). When I was small and started gaining and turning in to a SSBBW, I had no idea I'd have a huge belly, But I can say this much.......If I would have thought and looked at what my Mother's shape is (she is a SSBBW too)...then I would have known...:doh: ... SO! if your girlfriend has a BBW/SSBBW in her family. Look at them and that might give you a clue......WE are after all talking about GENETICS!
Just trying to help! _


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## goldendiamondeyes (Apr 7, 2007)

Falling Boy said:


> It just sorta seemed to me that he was asking if anyone had any ideas as to what may happen to her belly as she gained. And he did make the comment that he finds her attractive no matter what. I saw no comments about "fixing her" Give the guy a fucking break this is the weight board.



I AGREE! We all have opinions, it doens't mean that we should get up on a SOUPBOX and holler them all the time! Some on here is going to ruin this group for all of US others!


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