# The Fa Trap?



## superodalisque (Dec 26, 2008)

i was talking to a friend of mine the other night who is an FA. he said if he hadn't found all of the information online he would have just gone about his life just thinking that he was a guy who liked fat girls--no big deal. i'm sure it has been eye opening for him in a way but i also think there have been drawbacks for him. he finds himself questioning every reaction he has to a woman. if he happens to feel an attraction to a girl a hair below BBW status he feels a bit guilty and worries about the reactions his friends who are FAs and BBWs will have. 

can it be a problem to be labled or label yourself an FA? is there a trap in the designation? can the term emphasize the feeling that a guy is somehow abnormal? would you feel more comfortable just being thought of a a guy who thinks thinks fat girls are cute and sexy? or do find extra spice in the idea of getting off on the quirkiness and maybe the taboo factor of likeing something that western society says your not supposed to?


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## Dr. Feelgood (Dec 26, 2008)

I think it's bigger than just labeling yourself an FA: you run into trouble any time you label yourself as _anything_. As Eric von Clausewitz is supposed to have said, "The map is not the terrain" (because it is a simplified version of something very complex). To label yourself an FA -- or a liberal, or a Buddhist, or anything else -- is to try to reduce a complex human to a concept which can never quite circumscribe him/her. As Piet Hein wrote:

Our choicest plans have fallen through,
Our airiest castles have tumbled over,
Because of lines we neatly drew
And later neatly stumbled over.


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## Jon Blaze (Dec 26, 2008)

I don't think the problem is labels so much as what they mean to any number of people. The expectations, principles, and sometimes judgments. That's both people that take them for themselves, and people that apply them to others.

Lately I've been having a love/hate relationship with finding out about all of this, but I don't know how I would turn out if I hadn't found out.


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## superodalisque (Dec 26, 2008)

Jon Blaze said:


> I don't think the problem is labels so much as what they mean to any number of people. The expectations, principles, and sometimes judgments. That's both people that take them for themselves, and people that apply them to others.
> 
> Lately I've been having a love/hate relationship with finding out about all of this, but I don't know how I would turn out if I hadn't found out.



i feel ya. i kinda feel the same way about the BBW stuff too in a way


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## Sugar (Dec 26, 2008)

I feel for men who can find beauty in a lot of places but at some point they were labeled FA and now heaven forbid they have an average sized partner. 

Just like any situation...putting a label on something can backfire.


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## olwen (Dec 26, 2008)

I don't see how the term can make someone who desires fat bodies feel *more* abnormal. If anything I'd think it would bring some relief to know there is a term for how they feel and that they are not alone. 

Whether or not they are comfortable with their desire is not necessarily dependent on whether they can label it. If they are already struggling with that desire, then what others think matters a lot more than the desire whether or not they can label it, but no matter what, those feelings aren't going to just go away.

The feelings and the label seem like slightly different things to me. A person can have those feelings and care about the label or not. It just depends on how they identify with fatness. If they can see a different life without a fat partner, especially if the partner is super sized then would they prefer the label FA? I don't know, and maybe it doesn't matter. Regardless, their lives would still be different whether or not they call themselves FAs. 

The person who sees his/her love of fat as a taboo is the person who thinks of it only as a fetish type thing and isn't really prepared to accept that desire or appreciate it for what it could be. They limit themselves....maybe a question to ask is this: Should the person who sees fatness as a fetish be considered an FA? If they treat it like a dirty little secret do they still admire fatness, and wouldn't they shy away from the label anyway? Only then would it seem to be a real problem to take on that label.

That being said, there's too much variety to throw people into these narrow sexual categories and expect everyone we put there to act the same way or that being in that category will automatically bestow them with extra special or (negative) magical properties. 



Hahaha, I just thought of D&D characters. Fat Admirer, level two rogue (leather armor) +4 dex, +4 cha, +1 wis, +4 hit points. Skills and Feats: sense motive, stealth, bluff, leathel hunter, iron will, and uncanny dodge....LOL, I'm sorry if it isn't funny or adds little to the discussion, but it made me laugh....


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## JMNYC (Dec 26, 2008)

I hate the term "F.A." and never use it except with people who know what it means, in order to save time. I say "Zaft enthusiast" or I quote from my Dad, who, when asked, "Dad, do you like fat girls?" responded:

"Sure. And thin girls. And young girls. And older girls. And tall girls and short girls and..."


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## ladle (Dec 26, 2008)

JMNYC said:


> I hate the term "F.A." and never use it except with people who know what it means, in order to save time. I say "Zaft enthusiast" or I quote from my Dad, who, when asked, "Dad, do you like fat girls?" responded:
> 
> "Sure. And thin girls. And young girls. And older girls. And tall girls and short girls and..."



It's almost as bad as 'chubby chaser'...kinda conjures up images of a running race.....several bbw and me chasing behind..they are running for their lives...whoever I catch and tackle has to end up with me....haha


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## Ruby Ripples (Dec 26, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i was talking to a friend of mine the other night who is an FA. he said if he hadn't found all of the information online he would have just gone about his life just thinking that he was a guy who liked fat girls--no big deal. i'm sure it has been eye opening for him in a way but i also think there have been drawbacks for him. he finds himself questioning every reaction he has to a woman. if he happens to feel an attraction to a girl a hair below BBW status he feels a bit guilty and worries about the reactions his friends who are FAs and BBWs will have.
> 
> can it be a problem to be labled or label yourself an FA? is there a trap in the designation? can the term emphasize the feeling that a guy is somehow abnormal? would you feel more comfortable just being thought of a a guy who thinks thinks fat girls are cute and sexy? or do find extra spice in the idea of getting off on the quirkiness and maybe the taboo factor of likeing something that western society says your not supposed to?



Kinda can't help thinking that he doesn't have enough to worry him, if this does. Maybe he ought to not go onto bbw related sites, and try to just think of the old "liking fat girls" thing. Way to try to make the bbws feel bad about his "FA status".


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## Cors (Dec 26, 2008)

Lucky said:


> I feel for men who can find beauty in a lot of places but at some point they were labeled FA and now heaven forbid they have an average sized partner.



This. 

And I don't like it when people get into arguments about what "true fat admiration" is (eg. have to date fat women exclusively or not, how fat is fat enough, what about feedism tendencies) and then invalidate others who don't fit in exactly.


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## superodalisque (Dec 26, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> Kinda can't help thinking that he doesn't have enough to worry him, if this does. Maybe he ought to not go onto bbw related sites, and try to just think of the old "liking fat girls" thing. Way to try to make the bbws feel bad about his "FA status".



i can kinda understand your point. i don't think thats what he meant at all though. he was not blaming BBWs for his feelings. he was talking about the way the net portrays BBW FA relations as a whole and the aura it can bring to an otherwise ordinary situation. i think what he meant is that it sort of makes him feel that EVERYONE involved gets put in sort of an abnormal light. should it be so abnormal for fat folks to have people who adore them that they adore back?

i understand him in a way. its much more comfortable for me to just be loved as a woman--which i am. i don't think i have to be fat or thin to be loved. its just that the other person involved just has to love me. that shouldn't have to make him so totally odd or even that unique. sometimes i wonder are we spending so much time weirding out each other that it makes it harder for us to even make a connection in the first place in the same way that other people do? i know that, in general, when i go out on a date with someone who doesn't know about all of this they relate to me in an entirely different way than people who know about it. do our attitudes encourage us to look around to see who is noticing when we go out in public together? does it make us all overly sensitive? i often wonder if FAs, BBWs, and even FFAs would feel like such odd men and women out if we didn't focus on how different we were rather than how similar we are to everyone else. would we respond to a guy differently if he were out looking for a woman instead of a pear or an apple?

should anybody have to question to what, how, where and when they are attracted so much? should they have to answer tough guestions if they are attracted to more than one thing in a woman? should women always be asking men who like them twenty questions when they are attracted? i personally think that BBWs waste way too much time wondering if a guy is attracted to fat girls , and even what ingredient of a fat girl fruit salad he prefers, instead of wondering whether a guy is attracted to her for herself. i'm not saying that BBWs are to blame for anything at all. this is just how it is. 

even though that wasn't what i meant to say, it could be possible that the way that BBWs lack self esteem effects the self esteem of FAs to some degree. its probably the flip side of a confident BBW going somewhere only to find that an FA is embarrassed to be with her. even though she will hold her head high its bound to affect her. i have never been uncomfortable about my size but if i'm around someone who expects me to be or is himself i would definitely not feel at my best. hence, a swift exit. so why would it be so hard to believe that couldn't happen to an FA? respectfully, i think sometimes we worry too much about "feeling bad" short term and not enough about truth telling to get to the core of what is making us feel bad long term. we need to be honest and talk and not in an attack dog kind of way that usually happens on the forums, with people pointing fingers at one another about who is to blame for what. some things just are. and the best thing to do is to talk it out honestly so everybody can deal.


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## ladle (Dec 26, 2008)

SuperO...just laugh at the title of this thread...again...my mind works in mysterious ways....I can just see a giant trap....and a fake inflatable bbw there to lure in the FA's and just as they get close a cage falls over them...
That would be the true FA Trap!


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## superodalisque (Dec 26, 2008)

ladle said:


> SuperO...just laugh at the title of this thread...again...my mind works in mysterious ways....I can just see a giant trap....and a fake inflatable bbw there to lure in the FA's and just as they get close a cage falls over them...
> That would be the true FA Trap!



snap! gotcha! hehe


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## ladle (Dec 26, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> snap! gotcha! hehe



OOOHhhh...HELP ME HELP ME
(fake scared cry!)


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## alienlanes (Dec 26, 2008)

I've never been bothered by it. Knowing that I'm not alone in my desires is much more important to me than the vague possibility that I'm somehow limiting myself by associating with a label. 

If some guys can think of themselves as "guy who likes fat girls" without ever asking themselves "Am I weird? Why don't I like what other guys like?", more power to them. But I wasn't one of those guys, so I don't see any harm in having a word for what I'm into.

That said, the hair-splitting debates over definitions strike me as kinda silly, but they're hardly limited to this community:



Dr. Feelgood said:


> I think it's bigger than just labeling yourself an FA: you run into trouble any time you label yourself as _anything_.


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## T_Devil (Dec 26, 2008)

I think people who feel guilty about seeing beauty in skinny people are doing it to themselves. They choose to feel guilt. People know me as hardcore FA. Did you know that I think Jennifer Aniston is hot? I really do, but I don't know why. 
Funny.

The point is though I don't feel guilty about it. Just because I dig fat girls doesn't mean that my appreciation for women in general is limited STRICTLY to fat women. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, that's something the Size Acceptance movement is always on about. So, if we are so accepting of ALL sizes, why should we feel guilty about seeing beauty in smaller sizes?

That's just how I see it.


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## Haunted (Dec 26, 2008)

This is a very interesting post. I can only speak from my experiences, I met my Girl while i was just learning about my preference more accurately when i decided to admit to myself that i was more attracted to larger woman than thin. Misty helped me explore my FA'ness. 

I don't think i'm trapped by a label i certainly don't feel like i have to date only BBW's and i wouldn't want her to stay big if she wanted to lose weight. I Love her with all my heart, i love her soul, i love her on a level i'v never loved before, and i Love her size and her curves. 

Part of what makes this something more than what it is, is that from what i'v learned is alot of big woman have gone most of thier lives feeling shunned and feeling less than desirable and to finally have a man love them for them especially to love them for the very thing that has made them feel an outsider can be a big deal. I'v talked about the first time misty and i went out to a grocery store together she was shocked that i wasn't trying to hide that i seemed proud to be with her, it's not a pride thing i was just happy to be with her. 

It's hard to explain but we just get each other, she is the woman i am supposed to be with i know this. i just wish i had met her 10 years ago!

At the end of the day I love fat girls and my girl is fat but I love her not because she's fat, i love her because she's herself, the fat is a big soft Bonus LOL

and in my usual fashion i meandered all over the place but i think i answered the post LMFAO


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## Tarella (Dec 26, 2008)

JMNYC said:


> I hate the term "F.A." and never use it except with people who know what it means, in order to save time. I say "Zaft enthusiast" or I quote from my Dad, who, when asked, "Dad, do you like fat girls?" responded:
> 
> "Sure. And thin girls. And young girls. And older girls. And tall girls and short girls and..."



Great post, I don't like the term F.A. either, though I find myself hoping that the guy that likes me, likes all of me. For years I hoped some guy would like the other parts of me enough to overlook my fat. Now I realize its more like an continium rather than a black and white, yes or no.


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## Jon Blaze (Dec 26, 2008)

Cors said:


> This.
> 
> And I don't like it when people get into arguments about what "true fat admiration" is (eg. have to date fat women exclusively or not, how fat is fat enough, what about feedism tendencies) and then invalidate others who don't fit in exactly.



And that's exactly what I was talking about...


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## olwen (Dec 26, 2008)

SlackerFA said:


> I've never been bothered by it. Knowing that I'm not alone in my desires is much more important to me than the vague possibility that I'm somehow limiting myself by associating with a label.
> 
> If some guys can think of themselves as "guy who likes fat girls" without ever asking themselves "Am I weird? Why don't I like what other guys like?", more power to them. But I wasn't one of those guys, so I don't see any harm in having a word for what I'm into.
> 
> That said, the hair-splitting debates over definitions strike me as kinda silly, but they're hardly limited to this community:



In the grand scheme of things it is a silly debate, yes, but in practical terms it seems to be necessary, especially if fat is always going to be "other." For a lot of people "other" can mean fetish. I thought of myself as a fetish for a long time and part of me thought all I would ever be to some guy was just a roll in the hay. I no longer think that way, but even then I didn't hate the term FA I loved it. I had a way to identify men who would find me attractive, and knowing that has saved me a lot of unnecessary finger twirling and doubt I think.

For some people the word "fetish" implies some level of objectification and vicimization and for those people I think then fat admiration becomes a sort of moral quandary: Do I objectify? Am I the victim? Am I good or am I bad? The questions get asked because then the levels of guilt and possible blame need to be sorted out....There shouldn't be any quilt and there shouldn't be any blame, there shouldn't be a moral quandary but for some people, there it is. 

It seems to me that the underlying question SuperO is asking is: "Is fat admiration limiting?" I've never thought of it as a limiting thing. If anything I've learned that there is a very wide margin of desire. Too wide for my liking but I'm learning to accept it because if it weren't so wide a lot of us would get left out. 

Edit: It really is a continuum. The start, the end, these things only matter to the person feeling the desire. I think as objects of desire we sometimes get caught up in finding fixed points in that continuum because we want to know where we are on it...and we can get confused whenever we meet FAs with a different set of points from the last one....but I think maybe what matters most is that the continuum exists. The points, maybe not so much...


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## alienlanes (Dec 26, 2008)

olwen said:


> For some people the word "fetish" implies some level of objectification and vicimization and for those people I think then fat admiration becomes a sort of moral quandary: Do I objectify? Am I the victim? Am I good or am I bad? The questions get asked because then the levels of guilt and possible blame need to be sorted out....There shouldn't be any quilt and there shouldn't be any blame, there shouldn't be a moral quandary but for some people, there it is.



The debate over the meaning of "FA" is bad enough... the debate over the meaning of "fetish" is a bottomless can of worms . After two years of Dims debates I've given up on it; if you ask eight people to define "fetish," you'll get eight different answers, plus it's a word which, like you said, tends to carry a lot of negative connotations. I try to avoid using it.

"Fat Admirer" might have been a bad choice of words on the part of whoever invented it, since it reads as if the focus of admiration is fat-as-object rather than fat-person-as-person. But in practice, it's useful shorthand for "person who prefers a fat sexual partner."

Although, as we're discussing in that other thread, the question then becomes "what is 'fat'"? Turtles all the way down, I tell ya .



> It seems to me that the underlying question SuperO is asking is: "Is fat admiration limiting?" I've never thought of it as a limiting thing. If anything I've learned that there is a very wide margin of desire. Too wide for my liking but I'm learning to accept it because if it weren't so wide a lot of us would get left out.



I understood SuperO's question as being about the term, not the desire that the term refers to. Would people who identify as FAs and FFAs be better off not having a word to describe themselves, because that word ends up confining them? 

I think the answer is no, but that might be because the boundary between "FA" and "not-FA" isn't a problem for me. Sexually, I'm only attracted to fat women, and as far as I can tell this is an immutable biochemical/neurological fact. I don't worry about violating my FA status by becoming attracted to a thin woman, because I don't become attracted to thin women. Q.E.D. 

I see what SuperO is getting at, though. If were "bi-sizual" or found myself in a relationship with a thin woman because I was overwhelmingly attracted to her personality/intelligence, it could be an awkward experience, simply because the FA/BBW community is a major part of my social identity -- I'm involved in the online community, I go to bashes, etc. I don't know how I would navigate this situation, were it ever to come up.


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## alienlanes (Dec 26, 2008)

olwen said:


> Edit: It really is a continuum. The start, the end, these things only matter to the person feeling the desire. I think as objects of desire we sometimes get caught up in finding fixed points in that continuum because we want to know where we are on it...and we can get confused whenever we meet FAs with a different set of points from the last one....but I think maybe what matters most is that the continuum exists. The points, maybe not so much...



This is a really good way of putting it :bow:.


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## olwen (Dec 27, 2008)

SlackerFA said:


> The debate over the meaning of "FA" is bad enough... the debate over the meaning of "fetish" is a bottomless can of worms . After two years of Dims debates I've given up on it; if you ask eight people to define "fetish," you'll get eight different answers, plus it's a word which, like you said, tends to carry a lot of negative connotations. I try to avoid using it.
> 
> "Fat Admirer" might have been a bad choice of words on the part of whoever invented it, since it reads as if the focus of admiration is fat-as-object rather than fat-person-as-person. But in practice, it's useful shorthand for "person who prefers a fat sexual partner."
> 
> ...



I just feel like it's impossible to talk about the term without talking about the inherent desire because some people will inject that fetish aspect into it, when decrying the term. They either see the fetish aspect or they see it as limiting...I don't know...fat admiration and fat desire aren't mutually exclusive to me...

....if an FA were to date a thin person, but their social circle was all fat people and other FAs would they even bother to bring that person to a bash or whatnot...oh my, it's like reverse hiding if that makes sense...Awk-ward.


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## olwen (Dec 27, 2008)

SlackerFA said:


> This is a really good way of putting it :bow:.



Thanks!


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## Haunted (Dec 27, 2008)

olwen said:


> I just feel like it's impossible to talk about the term without talking about the inherent desire because some people will inject that fetish aspect into it, when decrying the term. They either see the fetish aspect or they see it as limiting...I don't know...fat admiration and fat desire aren't mutually exclusive to me...
> 
> ....if an FA were to date a thin person, but their social circle was all fat people and other FAs would they even bother to bring that person to a bash or whatnot...oh my, it's like reverse hiding if that makes sense...Awk-ward.



I often feel like i overdo it at times, like i obsess over her physically or i objectify her to the point that it becomes tiresome, she maintains that she loves the attenton and understands the obsession cause she feels similar feelings toward me. I sometimes feel a bit creepy about it but it's ok cause she's mine and i can objectify her however i see fit !!!!! :smitten:


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## Victim (Dec 27, 2008)

If someone puts a label on me and then sees that I don't conform to their ideal, THEY have the problem, not me.


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## olwen (Dec 27, 2008)

Haunted said:


> I often feel like i overdo it at times, like i obsess over her physically or i objectify her to the point that it becomes tiresome, she maintains that she loves the attenton and understands the obsession cause she feels similar feelings toward me. I sometimes feel a bit creepy about it but it's ok cause she's mine and i can objectify her however i see fit !!!!! :smitten:



Exactly. You care about her so it seems like the objectification aspect should be irrelevant. 

Anyway, even if we were talking about thin people desiring other thin people would the word objectification even come up? Probably not, but it gets injected in there when talking about fat people and it shouldn't always.


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## Haunted (Dec 27, 2008)

olwen said:


> Exactly. You care about her so it seems like the objectification aspect should be irrelevant.
> 
> Anyway, even if we were talking about thin people desiring other thin people would the word objectification even come up? Probably not, but it gets injected in there when talking about fat people and it shouldn't always.



Thats a good point maybe cause BBW's are just so much better that they must be worshipped and objectified LOL


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## Dr. P Marshall (Dec 27, 2008)

I really just see the label as a point of reference. I know that FAs male and female are people who see desire and attraction from a similar perspective to my own. So, if we have to have a label in order to find each other, talk to each other and share the thoughts, feelings and experiences that many of us have in common, I don't see the problem with the label. I don't feel FA means anything in particular about what weight ranges or activities each person has and I don't think there are "true FAs" or "good FAs" based on activity. The only thing that makes an FA bad is being a jerk, not being a fetishist in my opinion. (Says the fetishist.) I think of "FA" more as a catch all for those of us who either exclusively prefer partners that are fat or have fat people included in our range of attraction(bi-sizuals). Using the label just makes it easier to identify each other in my opinion. But I don't think we should all try to live by some FA code or standard. That just seems silly to me. And I think there is far too much hand wringing over the whole issue sometimes. Honestly, at the end of the day, in terms of attraction or relationships, or what have you, most of us (FAs and non-FAs) are just going to know that we are attracted to the people we find attractive. You're not really going to stop and think about it if it happens to you. Chances are, if an FA for some reason really did find themselves attracted to a particular thin person and it was so strong that they decided to have the relationship with the thin person, they would be focused on the relationship, not on whether or not they were "betraying" anything or anyone. Or at least that's how things _should _be if the relationship was a good one.


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## Baba Fats (Dec 27, 2008)

I don't much like the term Fat Admirer. "Admire" is such a spineless, wishy-washy, gray flannel sort of word. It conveys nothing at all of the passion I feel. Still, I remember a time in my life when that passion didn't _have_ a name - before NAAFA, before Dimensions, long before the 'Net, when it was easy to believe that I was the only one in the world who felt this way. Say what you will about the tyranny of labels, a name I dislike is better than no name at all. 



T_Devil said:


> People know me as hardcore FA. Did you know that I think Jennifer Aniston is hot? I really do, but I don't know why.
> Funny.



I've got a theory. Jennifer Aniston is, rather famously, a slightly chubby actress who has been on a perpetual starvation diet since she landed her role in Friends. Women who lose weight inevitably lose lean mass along with fat. They don't have the same look as a naturally skinny woman - they're softer, curvier, and more feminine, because their slender silhouettes still contain a higher proportion of fat tissue. That makes them more attractive to the camera than a woman who is all sinew and bone. I think that's why so many of Hollywood's favorite actresses are glamorexic, starving to maintain a weight they weren't designed for - they simply look sexier than women who were born to be thin. Of course, this perpetuates an altogether unrealistic image of what a woman's body looks like, but Hollywood was created to market illusion, and if you offered me Aniston's annual income to spend my days in a fog of hunger, I must admit that I'd be sorely tempted. But I wouldn't do it for a penny less ...


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Dec 27, 2008)

An FA trap is when you dig a pit, cover it over with leaves and branches, and put some pictures of Rebecca on top of the leaves.


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## Blockierer (Dec 27, 2008)

_can it be a problem to be labled or label yourself an FA? _
When I say we are a FA/SSBBW couple everybody in the SA-community knows the meaning. I think the term FA is precise and I love to use this designation.

_is there a trap in the designation? _
I dont think so. The term FA stands for a sexual preference, it will not change. As an FA you have to love or hate this preference, I love it. I think nobody expects of me that I find everything relating to fat positive. 

_can the term emphasize the feeling that a guy is somehow abnormal? _
I'm soon 54 and I haven't met someone on this planet who is "normal". What is normal? Perfect, (mentally) healthy, averaged or what else? I have no clue.

_would you feel more comfortable just being thought of a a guy who thinks thinks fat girls are cute and sexy? _
Outside the SA-community the people think - I hope so - I am guy who thinks fat women are sexy.

_or do find extra spice in the idea of getting off on the quirkiness and maybe the taboo factor of likeing something that western society says your not supposed to?_
I have to admit I find it arousing that others maybe find my admiration of fat women strange, perverted, ridiculous or funny. Sorry, I do not expect that others do understand FAness. :blush:


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## Still a Skye fan (Dec 27, 2008)

I never knew that I was an FA or what a BBW was until I stumbled upon this site many years ago (sometime in 1994-1995).

I don't feel trapped or labeled, I've never hidden my preferences from the "real world". 

Yes, a big gal is appealing to me but I'm able to find gals of any size appealing...I've had a crush on a short/petite gal pal of mine ever since I met her about 10 years ago.


Dennis


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## qwertyman173 (Dec 27, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> An FA trap is when you dig a pit, cover it over with leaves and branches, and put some pictures of Rebecca on top of the leaves.



I had this vision when I saw the thread title 

The way I see it is that you do not have to be restricted to liking one type of woman. I would consider myself a FA, but I also find some slimmer women attractive. And I do not believe that if you consider yourself a FA that you are committing a crime if you go with a thinner woman, as long as you love her.


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## altered states (Dec 27, 2008)

_can it be a problem to be labled or label yourself an FA? _

I've found almost no one outside this forum and a few similar ones knows what an FA* is. "Chubby Chaser" sounds like something from the '50s, and isn't used much either, outside John Waters' films. And like a lot of people who've responded, I hate labeling myself as anything. I've never fit in anywhere, in any group, and somewhere around the time I turned 30 I began to see this as a positive thing and I've been a lot happier since. I hate the term "fat admirer" anyway, and can't really put my finger on why. 

* Anyone who's spent any time in the UK knows "FA" stands for "fuck all" - i.e., "nothing" - and is usually prefaced by "sweet": "She went through my wallet while I was sleeping and left me with sweet FA." 

In another thread I came across someone trying to console a broken-hearted woman by promising she'd find her own "sweet FA"... and I did a bit of a double-take.

_is there a trap in the designation? _

Yes. Some people in my life are aware of my preference and a few question why I'm with a "thin" woman (5'1" and 160 pounds...). So here's my choice: 1) affirm my preference and alienate my GF, who's not hung up on her size but isn't exactly eager to define herself publicly as "fat," or 2) make her feel better by indicating my preference is conditional, but feel like a sellout.

_can the term emphasize the feeling that a guy is somehow abnormal? _

I would think so, though this by itself isn't a bad thing. I agree with another poster who suggested normalcy (if such a thing really exists) is overrated. I can't speak for women, but I've gotten drunk with guy friends and heard some pretty freaking weird "preferences." I consider some of my other related quirks - being a feeder, etc - to be abnormal however.

_would you feel more comfortable just being thought of a a guy who thinks thinks fat girls are cute and sexy, or do find extra spice in the idea of getting off on the quirkiness and maybe the taboo factor of liking something that western society says your not supposed to?_

I used to think that I was somehow subversive for liking fat women. It felt punk rock, to use the term du jour. I also liked basking in the good feelings of a few female friends who knew I was an FA, who considered me some sort of cool, enlightened species of male. Again, though, this touched a small but sensitive nerve with my GF ("Does my FA boyfriend make me look fat?"). She used to "out" me a lot to people we knew but does less of it lately, in direct contrast to her having gotten a bit bigger over the years. Make of that what you will. But to answer the question, yes, obviously I would like it if being an FA (or whatever) was more accepted. I think it would be healthier all around.


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## olwen (Dec 27, 2008)

Baba Fats said:


> .........I've got a theory. Jennifer Aniston is, rather famously, a slightly chubby actress who has been on a perpetual starvation diet since she landed her role in Friends. Women who lose weight inevitably lose lean mass along with fat. They don't have the same look as a naturally skinny woman - they're softer, curvier, and more feminine, because their slender silhouettes still contain a higher proportion of fat tissue. That makes them more attractive to the camera than a woman who is all sinew and bone. I think that's why so many of Hollywood's favorite actresses are glamorexic, starving to maintain a weight they weren't designed for - they simply look sexier than women who were born to be thin. Of course, this perpetuates an altogether unrealistic image of what a woman's body looks like, but Hollywood was created to market illusion, and if you offered me Aniston's annual income to spend my days in a fog of hunger, I must admit that I'd be sorely tempted. But I wouldn't do it for a penny less ...



Um, what?

As far as I'm concerned, Jennifer Aniston is in no way shape or form chubby and she never has been. Actresses starve themselves because they won't get good parts if they don't. It has nothing to do with being attractive for the camera. The camera doesn't care. The people behind the scenes put pressure on them to loose weight.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 27, 2008)

You know, there does seem to be a LOT of pressure on the FAs...at least that I have noticed on this site. All this stuff about being "True FA"...as if finding someone that weighs less than XYZ is soooo ~BAD~. I don't get it......fat women and men can be attractive......does that mean that thin people can't be either??
1. I find many thin people attractive.....so who the heck am I to tell others they are a "traitor" or "not real" if they do also????? What a hypocritical attitude to fall into. (THAT seems like more of the trap, Felecia, than having to feel guilty for what you like/want). 
2. I am not as big as some people here.....I am also bigger than some others......does that make me any less or more attractive than them by automatic default??????
THAT is one of the main things I resent about the FA expectations I read here....if he sees/likes/dates a woman smaller than what someone else here thinks he should prefer, is he really wrong for that??? Do all "True FAs" have to meet size requirements on the women they are "allowed" to date? 
The idea of size acceptance seems to slip, at times. We have to respect people of all sizes...and not make any man feel badly for his preferences...even if it means he might not find "only XYZ" beautiful.


P.S. On another note....I read that Jennifer Aniston weighs about 105 lbs....where she is "slightly chubby" at, I can't tell you. If you like how Jennifer A is built....then just say that. No need to make her out to be "chubby" to excuse your attraction, IMO.


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## Webmaster (Dec 27, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i was talking to a friend of mine the other night who is an FA. he said if he hadn't found all of the information online he would have just gone about his life just thinking that he was a guy who liked fat girls--no big deal....




See, I have never bought that line. Like, "la de da... hah. I never noticed she weighed 600 pounds. I just like women." Sorry, no go. If a man is a FA he knows and is acutely aware of it from an early age.


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## Webmaster (Dec 27, 2008)

SlackerFA said:


> ...After two years of Dims debates I've given up on it; if you ask eight people to define "fetish," you'll get eight different answers, plus it's a word which, like you said, tends to carry a lot of negative connotations....




It's actually simple. What turns someone on is healthy, normal sexuality. What turns someone else on is a fetish.


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## Sugar (Dec 27, 2008)

Webmaster said:


> See, I have never bought that line. Like, "la de da... hah. I never noticed she weighed 600 pounds. I just like women." Sorry, no go. If a man is a FA he knows and is acutely aware of it from an early age.



So...if someone likes a wide variety does that negate their FA status? 

I'm asking because I don't know how it works for men, but for me...I like a little of everything so I don't particularly feel like a FFA. Yet, there are plenty of plump men I'd go out with.


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## ecortez766 (Dec 27, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> if he happens to feel an attraction to a girl a hair below BBW status he feels a bit guilty and worries about the reactions his friends who are FAs and BBWs will have.


What would be considered a hair below?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 27, 2008)

Lucky said:


> So...if someone likes a wide variety does that negate their FA status?
> 
> I'm asking because I don't know how it works for men, but for me...I like a little of everything so I don't particularly feel like a FFA. Yet, there are plenty of plump men I'd go out with.



I'm the same way....and if it doesn't earn me some exalted title, then I am okay with that. My preferences go beyond what others want to call me.


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## Sugar (Dec 27, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm the same way....and if it doesn't earn me some exalted title, then I am okay with that. My preferences go beyond what others want to call me.



Truth be told I'd rather not have a title..."too flirty" is plenty lol.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 27, 2008)

Lucky said:


> Truth be told I'd rather not have a title..."too flirty" is plenty lol.




I'm just happy if he calls me tramp while we do the deed......:batting:


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## Webmaster (Dec 27, 2008)

Lucky said:


> So...if someone likes a wide variety does that negate their FA status?
> 
> I'm asking because I don't know how it works for men, but for me...I like a little of everything so I don't particularly feel like a FFA. Yet, there are plenty of plump men I'd go out with.



It doesn't negate them being a FA. In my experience, most FAs do have a definite size that they prefer. We did a fairly detailed FA survey many years ago, and found that to be true. We also found that what they liked in fantasy was not necessarily what they went for in real life. And some FAs, while having a definite theoretical preference, may well find happiness with a fairly wide range of sizes. However, I am certain that men who have a super-size girlfriend or wife and then say they are neither FAs nor have they ever thought about the matter are not telling the truth.


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## Sugar (Dec 27, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm just happy if he calls me tramp while we do the deed......:batting:



You are a true romantic. :wubu:


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## EtobicokeFA (Dec 27, 2008)

Webmaster said:


> It doesn't negate them being a FA. In my experience, most FAs do have a definite size that they prefer. We did a fairly detailed FA survey many years ago, and found that to be true. We also found that what they liked in fantasy was not necessarily what they went for in real life. And some FAs, while having a definite theoretical preference, may well find happiness with a fairly wide range of sizes. However, I am certain that men who have a super-size girlfriend or wife and then say they are neither FAs nor have they ever thought about the matter are not telling the truth.



Yes you can't always find love, if you restrict the places you look for it. As I said before a good FA, realizes that their soul mate is not going to be exactly like their fantasy, but also that that is alright. 

As for defining a FA, I think that anyone that allows themselves to be attracted to a person that is larger that the average, is one, specially if they are dating a BBW/BHM or marries one. Of course, I say this because I believe there are most people out their are find BBW/BHM attract if they allow themselves to. 

But, then again it just a label.


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## superodalisque (Dec 27, 2008)

Webmaster said:


> See, I have never bought that line. Like, "la de da... hah. I never noticed she weighed 600 pounds. I just like women." Sorry, no go. If a man is a FA he knows and is acutely aware of it from an early age.



i can understand how you might feel that way since it might be your experience. but its not everyone's. not all men are the same kind of FA. also, some men actually come to a liking of fat women late after they experience it for the first time. i have several friends like that. some of them are exclusively FAs and some are not. i don't think its necessarily as intense of a drive for every man. there are lots of elements that go into attraction and a woman's size is only one of them. and maybe for some people size might not be the top issue at all even though they gravitate toward big women. it could be something else entirely that really lights thier rocket to the fullest. i don't think every man is the same, so why should every FA be? guys have their unique personalities and tastes just like anyone else. 

besides, he never said that he didn't notice. what he was talking about was the fact that so many people, even those in acceptance, view it as somehow abnormal that a man could be attracted to a fat woman or a thin woman. and also the fact that your commitment is judged by the size of the person you are with. i see that myself as an SSBBW. sometimes i even find it a bit insulting. i always get asked if my guy is an FA and if he isn't people make all kinds of bogus assumptions about what he is about, and who he is as a person.


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## superodalisque (Dec 27, 2008)

ecortez766 said:


> What would be considered a hair below?



i'll let you decide


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## Baba Fats (Dec 28, 2008)

olwen said:


> As far as I'm concerned, Jennifer Aniston is in no way shape or form chubby and she never has been.



I thought this was common knowledge:

"Though she was landing enough roles to qualify as a working actress  including episodes of _Quantum Leap _(NBC, 1988-1993), _Hermans Head _(Fox, 1991-94) and _Burkes Law _(CBS, 1993-95)  by the time she appeared in the widely-rejected film _Leprechaun_ (1993), Aniston was prepared to call it quits. But when an agent suggested she drop 30 pounds  which apparently was preventing her from landing better roles  Aniston decided to continue making the push. Her persistence paid off when in 1994 she landed the role of Rachel Green on a new sitcom called _Friends_. - _Variety_ (http://www.variety.com/profiles/people/Biography/31498/Jennifer+Aniston.html?dataSet=1)

"After an agent suggested she lose weight, Aniston shed 30 pounds and won the role of Rachel on _Friends_ (1994-2004)." - Yahoo! Movies (http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/contributor/1800021397/bio)

"Life wasn't all easy for Aniston though. Before getting the role of Rachel Green on _Friends_, Aniston was told to lose some weight and she did. She lost 30 pounds." - KoolCelebrities.com (http://www.koolcelebrities.com/actress/jennifer_aniston/biography.shtml)

Whether an additional 30 pounds constitutes "slightly chubby" is a matter of opinion, of course. It certainly does in LA. Either way, it doesn't invalidate the premise that women who have lost a certain amount of weight are more attractive to Hollywood (and perhaps the public at large) than women who are naturally thin.



olwen said:


> Actresses starve themselves because they won't get good parts if they don't. It has nothing to do with being attractive for the camera. The camera doesn't care. The people behind the scenes put pressure on them to loose weight.



I prefer to believe that those people have some rational motive for hiring semistarved actresses, however warped their logic may be. I concede that I could be wrong. If there are Feeders, then there must also be Starvers, who get off on making women skinny. Those who can't make it through med school might find life behind the cameras almost as exciting.


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## olwen (Dec 28, 2008)

Baba, there is no rational motive for telling an actress who is not fat that she needs to drop 40lbs. Just like there is no rational motive for telling an actress over 35 that the only roles she can look forward to are Mothers. But I'm going to assume that you are just being glib and call it a day.


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## BigBeautifulRed (Dec 28, 2008)

Haunted said:


> It's hard to explain but we just get each other, she is the woman i am supposed to be with i know this. i just wish i had met her 10 years ago!
> 
> At the end of the day I love fat girls and my girl is fat but I love her not because she's fat, i love her because she's herself, the fat is a big soft Bonus LOL


I think you have the perfect balanced idea of what it means to be a good man to a beautiful woman. You love her because she is your world and she is everything you ever dreamed of in a soulmate, not so much because she is fat but that is exactly why she is your soulmate because she is your complete dream package. You don't focus on her fat but love her personality first. 

Reminds me alot my boyfriend and I's relationship only backwards. 

He was an FA, we met online, I had no idea about BBW's of FA's. Infact the first time he told me he like belly's I went and did crunches because I thought he meant abdominals lol. He told me about this world and helped me to learn about it and accept my body. And we were long distance for a year and half before we met.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 28, 2008)

olwen said:


> Baba, there is no rational motive for telling an actress who is not fat that she needs to drop 40lbs. Just like there is no rational motive for telling an actress over 35 that the only roles she can look forward to are Mothers. But I'm going to assume that you are just being glib and call it a day.




I'm a little surprised that an FA would hold women to the same "fat standards" as Hollywood myself.....just saying that not all do.


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## MadeFA (Dec 28, 2008)

Being an FA has typecasted me a lot amongst my friends; If we all happen to be out and I start chatting with a woman is thin... even though it is platonic, that will be ample fuel for my friends to make jokes about me all night (not bullying... healthy friends-making-fun-of-friends banter).

With my thinner female friends, if I should happen to tell them that I think they look pretty or something a couple of them have responded with, "so does that mean I've gained weight"?

Oh well, it's part of the territory


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 28, 2008)

Webmaster said:


> However, I am certain that men who have a super-size girlfriend or wife and then say they are neither FAs nor have they ever thought about the matter are not telling the truth.



How about men who married average-sized women who had several children and subsequently gained a few hundred pounds?

My father was married to a super-sized woman and I can assure you, he wasn't an FA. He married a slightly chubby woman. He wasn't at all happy with her subsequent weight gain, although he did love her.

When I met my husband, I weighed little more than 130 pounds. When we married, I was just north of 200. Ten years into the marriage, a few pounds shy of 300. He has a definite preference for "chubby" women, in the 180-200 pound range. He wouldn't identify himself as an FA. More as a man with a preference, but the ability to be attracted to a wide range of sizes, both large and small. 

I wish that what you suggest is true, but I don't think that it is. My personal experience, and what I read at trash sites like "fatspouse.com" etc suggests that not all men who are married to fat women are at all happy with that reality. Many others may not prefer a larger size, but can adjust to a different reality.


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## UMBROBOYUM (Dec 28, 2008)

MadeFA said:


> Being an FA has typecasted me a lot amongst my friends; If we all happen to be out and I start chatting with a woman is thin... even though it is platonic, that will be ample fuel for my friends to make jokes about me all night (not bullying... healthy friends-making-fun-of-friends banter).
> 
> With my thinner female friends, if I should happen to tell them that I think they look pretty or something a couple of them have responded with, "so does that mean I've gained weight"?
> 
> Oh well, it's part of the territory



I have that same issue , if I say my thin female friends look good, they ask me if they're fat. Everyone knows I'm attracted to fat chicks so they just assume my interpretation of beauty is limited to that. Its not. They assume that because if i point out a thin chick I like, they say "but I thought you like fat chicks? You find thin chicks beautiful too?" I know they mean well, but I'd like a little more consideration than that. MadeFA I think you and I have share a similar situation. Like you said though, its part of the territory. It would be nice if people understood that we have more than just one perception of beauty and/or attraction to others. Anyway your not alone MadeFA. 

We should meet up in ny sometime and hang out.


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## goodthings (Dec 28, 2008)

I have a preference for tall men with hair, the last guy I was with was short and bald. Am I a traitor to tall men with hair?


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## Baba Fats (Dec 29, 2008)

olwen said:


> Baba, there is no rational motive for telling an actress who is not fat that she needs to drop 40lbs. Just like there is no rational motive for telling an actress over 35 that the only roles she can look forward to are Mothers.



Are you saying that the only reason for these common practices is pure Evil? I'll agree that it's the result, but I don't think it's the motivation.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm a little surprised that an FA would hold women to the same "fat standards" as Hollywood myself.....just saying that not all do.



I'm a little surprised that you didn't notice that I called those standards warped. If there's a unifying message to this thread, it's that all labels are arbitrary. That holds as much for chubbiness as it does for FAdom.

The Hollywood image of female beauty has such a stranglehold on our culture (and the rest of the world) that it even appeals, at some level, to FAs. It's a constant presence in our lives, whether we're consciously aware of it or not. I believe that image has undergone a subtle change in the past few years. Today, superstars are not only expected to be super-skinny, they're also expected to be hungry.

My contention is simply this: a woman who has lost weight has a different body composition, and a different look, than a woman the same size who has never dieted. I think Hollywood is exploiting this difference, so that it can present women on screen who are exceptionally thin but not frighteningly cadaverous. That is the look they're selling, and that is the look that sells. One reason may be its utter artificiality: it's about as natural as footbinding, but the very fact that leading actresses don't have bodies like "real" women may be the key to their appeal -

http://www.pbs.org/howartmadetheworld/episodes/human/

(Even FAs can't be expected to be immune to a "shared biological instinct," especially when it's paired with constant media reinforcement.)

Aniston is one example of this trend. Jessica Alba is another: she admits to having an eating disorder, and claims to come from a family where everyone is fat, so I assume her body was not designed to be as slender as she's made it. Gwen Stefani has spoken candidly about being hungry all the time. She's even put her bulimic longings to music -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nLqLbi8QkQ

These are three of the women that define "sexy" in contemporary America. That's a fact - I'm just reporting it, I don't have to like it. The feature that they all have in common is that they're not just extremely thin, but deliberately and artificially thin. Am I alone in seeing significance in that? 

Our society still puts enormous value on extreme slenderness, but we've come to value weight loss even more. Women are expected to prefer other women who've been fatter: we're told that "skinny women are evil," but an Oprah who has before-and-after pictures to show is presented as genuine and trustworthy. (If Aniston didn't have her oft-repeated story of losing 30 pounds, would she have ever been accepted as America's girl next door?) Men, who respond more to visual stimuli, are now being led to admire a hungry body over a thin one. For the sake of those of you who still haven't caught on, I'm not in favor of that trend. I'm just trying to understand it.


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## LalaCity (Dec 29, 2008)

Baba Fats said:


> My contention is simply this: a woman who has lost weight has a different body composition, and a different look, than a woman the same size who has never dieted. I think Hollywood is exploiting this difference, so that it can present women on screen who are exceptionally thin but not frighteningly cadaverous. That is the look they're selling, and that is the look that sells. One reason may be its utter artificiality: it's about as natural as footbinding, but the very fact that leading actresses don't have bodies like "real" women may be the key to their appeal -



Hmm...I have to say I don't really see any truth to your theory. Every body handles weight gain and loss differently; some people will lose more muscle mass than others, depending on how they dieted and how much exercise they engaged in during weight loss. Some will have noticeable loss of skin elasticity, others will not. I don't think an actress who has lost a small to moderate amount of weight to conform to a Hollywood standard is somehow observably different from a naturally slim actress of the same size who has never lost weight.


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## olwen (Dec 29, 2008)

Baba Fats said:


> Are you saying that the only reason for these common practices is pure Evil? I'll agree that it's the result, but I don't think it's the motivation.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I didn't use the word evil and I don't think the motivations involved in getting actresses to loose weight are evil, but rather unrealistic, impractical, and fear based. You are however right about thinness being the thing that sells. But I have to say I've never been told in any way that I'm supposed to idolize the woman who *looses weight*, just the one who *is thin.* How she got that way is irrelevant, and is evidenced by all the dangerous products and bad dieting advice available. Not to mention the advice and treatment that doctors sometimes give their fat patients. 

Body shapes vary too widely for your theory to be true. What if the person is my size and has lost weight? How can you tell I hadn't always been the smaller size just by looking at me? You can't, and you wouldn't know how much bigger I'd been either. How can you tell that a very thin woman is that size as a result of an illness or genetics or dieting? You can't. So what you're saying makes no sense.

Your reading of this phenomenon is kind of interesting tho, and I get why you would want to try to find some rational reason for why women are encouraged to be so thin, but I'm afraid your reasons don't hold up for me, and I think you need to dig deeper...If I were to put a reason to it, I'd be more inclined to think that it has more to do with how men have dealt with the growing power of women since the second wave of feminism (right around the time that TVs began to appear in everyone's homes) than a mere desire to look good for the camera. 

I also think that part of your argument is a justification for closeted FA behavior. It's like you're saying well, if there is so much pressure to be thin and so much pressure to prefer thinness then how can you blame a guy for buying into it and denying how he might otherwise feel? I don't agree with that or buy it. I'm also beginning to tire of terms like "real woman." A real woman is a certain size, but a real man behaves a certain way. It's just another ridiculous double standard. A real woman is a stand up kinda person regardless of her size.


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## chicken legs (Dec 30, 2008)

my friends know I like bigger guys and its really no big deal to me because they can be muscular big, fat big, or a mixture of both...we all have "fetishes".

Funny story...used to hang out with this guy who was totally hot (always had model girlfriends) and we flirted heavily. Well, this guy had a very large bone structure and a very large "bone" structure , but I never seen him in shorts or nude. He always wore kind of loose pants but I never looked to closely..lol.

So one day I helped him host a party and ended up spending the night, and saw him in his undies and I lost whatever attraction I had at that moment. I was like "where's the beef". (Giggles) 

I know...I am soo horrible, but as they say "the truth shall set you free"...life is so easy when your being honest to yourself.

Church


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## kioewen (Dec 31, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> can it be a problem to be labled or label yourself an FA? is there a trap in the designation? can the term emphasize the feeling that a guy is somehow abnormal?


Absolutely -- and that's the whole problem with the label, which I think is the stupidest thing ever invented. It fetishizes what is actually the more natural male preference. I've often wondered if men who adopt this term don't actually have some other sexual issues.

It would like giving heterosexuals a label like "girl admirer." It's ludicrous.

If the point were emphasized that this IS the dominant male impulse (before men get their perceptions warped by the media), then it would sooner gain public acceptance.


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## Webmaster (Dec 31, 2008)

Those are good points. I was thinking more along the lines of the initial, strong preferences many young men feel when they realize they prefer fat women. It is probably entirely possible to learn to love and prefer something if things happen as you describe.



TraciJo67 said:


> How about men who married average-sized women who had several children and subsequently gained a few hundred pounds?
> 
> My father was married to a super-sized woman and I can assure you, he wasn't an FA. He married a slightly chubby woman. He wasn't at all happy with her subsequent weight gain, although he did love her.
> 
> ...


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## mergirl (Jan 2, 2009)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> I really just see the label as a point of reference. I know that FAs male and female are people who see desire and attraction from a similar perspective to my own. So, if we have to have a label in order to find each other, talk to each other and share the thoughts, feelings and experiences that many of us have in common, I don't see the problem with the label. I don't feel FA means anything in particular about what weight ranges or activities each person has and I don't think there are "true FAs" or "good FAs" based on activity. The only thing that makes an FA bad is being a jerk, not being a fetishist in my opinion. (Says the fetishist.) I think of "FA" more as a catch all for those of us who either exclusively prefer partners that are fat or have fat people included in our range of attraction(bi-sizuals). Using the label just makes it easier to identify each other in my opinion. But I don't think we should all try to live by some FA code or standard. That just seems silly to me. And I think there is far too much hand wringing over the whole issue sometimes. Honestly, at the end of the day, in terms of attraction or relationships, or what have you, most of us (FAs and non-FAs) are just going to know that we are attracted to the people we find attractive. You're not really going to stop and think about it if it happens to you. Chances are, if an FA for some reason really did find themselves attracted to a particular thin person and it was so strong that they decided to have the relationship with the thin person, they would be focused on the relationship, not on whether or not they were "betraying" anything or anyone. Or at least that's how things _should _be if the relationship was a good one.


Dr P, You always say such wise and well thought out things! Love your new pic too, makes me wish i was a big fat guy!!! lol Anyway, what she said!!

xmer


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 2, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Dr P, You always say such wise and well thought out things! Love your new pic too, makes me wish i was a big fat guy!!! lol Anyway, what she said!!
> 
> xmer



Aw thanks.:blush:


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## wrestlingguy (Jan 2, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i was talking to a friend of mine the other night who is an FA. he said if he hadn't found all of the information online he would have just gone about his life just thinking that he was a guy who liked fat girls--no big deal. i'm sure it has been eye opening for him in a way but i also think there have been drawbacks for him. he finds himself questioning every reaction he has to a woman. if he happens to feel an attraction to a girl a hair below BBW status he feels a bit guilty and worries about the reactions his friends who are FAs and BBWs will have.
> 
> can it be a problem to be labled or label yourself an FA? is there a trap in the designation? can the term emphasize the feeling that a guy is somehow abnormal? would you feel more comfortable just being thought of a a guy who thinks thinks fat girls are cute and sexy? or do find extra spice in the idea of getting off on the quirkiness and maybe the taboo factor of likeing something that western society says your not supposed to?



I thought THIS is what you meant by the FA trap: 

View attachment FAtrap.jpg


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## superodalisque (Jan 2, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> I thought THIS is what you meant by the FA trap:



yep definitely! i don't want nice guys who like fat girls caught and killed!
escape before its too late!  the rest of us will protect you.


PS: did you know that all BBWs are jello spring loaded?


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Jan 3, 2009)

As a female FA, I have somewhat of an idea of this "FA trap" you're describing. 
I've always found obese men attractive, but it wasn't until I stumbled across these various websites that I realized there was actually a name for my particular preference. Of course I figured this out when I was very young, so I can't think back on a time where everyone around me didn't know that I was FFA. 

It does get a little bit annoying sometimes being known as "the weird chick who likes fat guys", since I'm not defined solely by my sexual preferences. 
And I've found that my friends will always point out big men and assume that I find them attractive. I'm sure many open male FA's have experienced this too... where their friends will point to any fat girl and assume he thinks she's attractive just because she is fat. 
People who aren't involved in the BBW/FA/BHM/FFA community tend to think that it is the fat which makes someone attractive. It gets frustrating having to explain the whole fact that... although I prefer fat men... it doesn't mean that every fat man is attractive. After all, those who love thin people don't find every thin person they run into attractive. 



Although, because I'm only sexually attracted to fat men... having relationships with thin men usually end up being more mental than physical. As an FFA, I will still date a thinner man for his personality... but the sexual sparks might take_ a lot_ longer to ignite.


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## chicken legs (Jan 3, 2009)

So totally true and my friends do the same to me..and i feel the same way..thats why that "where's the beef" burger king commercial always makes me laugh..it should be my motto


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## superodalisque (Jan 3, 2009)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> As a female FA, I have somewhat of an idea of this "FA trap" you're describing.
> I've always found obese men attractive, but it wasn't until I stumbled across these various websites that I realized there was actually a name for my particular preference. Of course I figured this out when I was very young, so I can't think back on a time where everyone around me didn't know that I was FFA.
> 
> It does get a little bit annoying sometimes being known as "the weird chick who likes fat guys", since I'm not defined solely by my sexual preferences.
> ...



i totally getcha. one thing that might give that impression re: FAs is the locker room talk etc... when they get together. the difference from them and other guys is that they are more likely to say it to you and don't keep it amongst themselves. so a BBW might get the impression that all he is interested in is the fat. thats especially true at events etc.. which seem to be as an FA friend calls it "fat girl disneyland" where some guys just come to ride the big rides. and usually those guys are the ones who are the most obvious ones so they tend to give the overall impression about what things are about. i understand whats going on to a point. i wonder how i would react if i was in a room full of guys who fit my emotional preference for example. its just that they are so excited about being somewhere where they feel free to communicate after often being so quiet and pent up. but sometimes, the way that it shows itself doesn't do anyone any justice. do you think FFAs have the same issues to contend with? do you girls engage in talk that might make it seem that all you are interested in only the fat sometimes?


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## chicken legs (Jan 3, 2009)

in person i don't talk at all..lol

other than that i can be pretty chatty...:eat2:


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Jan 3, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i totally getcha. one thing that might give that impression re: FAs is the locker room talk etc... when they get together. the difference from them and other guys is that they are more likely to say it to you and don't keep it amongst themselves. so a BBW might get the impression that all he is interested in is the fat. thats especially true at events etc.. which seem to be as an FA friend calls it "fat girl disneyland" where some guys just come to ride the big rides. and usually those guys are the ones who are the most obvious ones so they tend to give the overall impression about what things are about. i understand whats going on to a point. i wonder how i would react if i was in a room full of guys who fit my emotional preference for example. its just that they are so excited about being somewhere where they feel free to communicate after often being so quiet and pent up. but sometimes, the way that it shows itself doesn't do anyone any justice. do you think FFAs have the same issues to contend with? do you girls engage in talk that might make it seem that all you are interested in only the fat sometimes?



I don't know any FFA's in person. Well, I've met one... but we never ended up talking in depth about it. 
I remember in my senior year of high school... my relationship with my fit/rich boyfriend wasn't going well (he was getting demanding and manipulative), and for a while I was just completely sexually numb because of the fact that he wasn't fat. I know I constantly talked to my friends about how much I wanted/needed a fatter man in my life. So I guess in that context it totally sounded like I was only interested in the fat. But at that point... I was sick and tired of dating men for their personalities. Where I live... there are barely any fat men I come into contact with... so I ended up just "dealing" with dating thin guys (although the thin guys knew the whole time that they were dating a woman who only found fat men attractive.. it's one of those things about me thats impossible to try and hide). And when I turned 18 and finally had the option of searching online, I wouldn't shut up about needing a fat man (and going into great detail about every inch of a fat man's body... to my non-FFA friends).

I forgot what question I was answering.... *thinks*

Oh yes, so to answer the question, I have totally engaged in talk that makes it appear as though I'm only interested in the fat. After being sexually starved in most of my relationships with "thin guys with great personalities", I just couldn't help myself but to constantly talk about my ideal... sometimes with the thin guys themselves. 
And of course I can't fail to mention that all of my friends are guys... so that might have something to do with the reactions I get.


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## Orso (Jan 4, 2009)

Of course any label we apply to a human being is not satisfactory, not right and not exact, also because of the many facets all of us have. 

The problem is, if we want to study something or if we want to talk about something we have to find a definition and a pigeonhole to fit the object of our study or discussion, and FA is one of these definitions. Yes, I too don't like the term, but I use it for lack of a better word.

This said, I do not find it a problem being labelled an FA, I cannot see any trap in the designation, I do not think that this definition implies any degree of abnormality and for me it is totally indifferent being thought of as an FA or a guy who thinks fat girls are cute and sexy. 

I am an FA and anyone is welcome to call me this way


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