# Sick of Negativity



## IszyStone (Mar 10, 2010)

Hi I'm Morgan, I'm squishy, and I'm sick of negativity. 
I know that people can't always get along all the time, that's a part of life. And trying to please people all the time isn't possible, but trying to not hurt people as much should be, at least for me and people I know it is.

This thing I'm writing is sparked by a recent mini-word-battle on the "Ladies, Post a cute pic of yourself" thread. What I see is just some major insensitivity. Yes. People are allowed to have their preferences, yes they are allowed to say them, but sometimes they are said too harshly or in an offensive way.

Then people start to defend themselves and maybe someone else thinks it's too harsh, so they comment back in another harsh way. What I'm saying is the cycle of harsh insensitivity should stop. Tiny things get blow way out of proportion, then you have people like me who feel the need to write stuff like this.

Yes this part of the boards is for BHM/FFA, and yes there are both skinny and BBW FFAs. Perhaps the feelings of BHM else where have been overlooked, but that is no excuse for doing the same to BBW here. Yes the BBWs have pretty much the whole rest of this site, but they deserve respect here too, as do SBWs*. Neither is more important, and there are people that have certain preferences, but sometimes there are nicer ways to say things, and nicer ways to respond to those things.



And I just wanted to say that I want to invent a new acronym since I feel that some people need them. SBW (slim beautiful woman) because they certainly exist and FFA doesn't allow for that beautiful.

So just say what you think here and if you want to argue with me go ahead, but I'm sorry to disappoint you, I'm not much of an arguer.


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## chicken legs (Mar 10, 2010)

Shit happens when people get disrespected in public. If one person feels another is acting in a socially unacceptable way, they should pull them aside and have a chat...in this situation, via pm. Otherwise that person comes off as an even bigger asshole than the percieved socially unacceptable person...IMO


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## Melian (Mar 10, 2010)

Iszy, while it's not often the best idea to move battles onto entirely new threads, I think you did a great job of extinguishing that one


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## escapist (Mar 10, 2010)

Melian said:


> Iszy, while it's not often the best idea to move battles onto entirely new threads, I think you did a great job of extinguishing that one



I don't think she is trying to move a battle. I think she is looking to open a new discussion for opinions on creating a new Term as to avoid future problems.

I think there are just insensitive people. I myself am not perfect, we all make mistakes. Sometimes its hard to think before we act. Hell I'd be much slimmer if I could think before I act lol. :eat1:


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## rabbitislove (Mar 10, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> Shit happens when people get disrespected in public. If one person feels another is acting in a socially unacceptable way, they should pull them aside and have a chat...in this situation, via pm. Otherwise that person comes off as an even bigger asshole than the percieved socially unacceptable person...IMO



I agree with Chicken. I tense up everytime a guy mentions liking skinny FFAs. Which I am. I feel like IRL and on this board there is tension between thin and fat women, and when we're both looking for BHM attention, chances for rejection, competition and hurt feelings are higher.

The last thing I want is for the BBWs to hate me, or think Im snobby or think Im superior. I do yoga and enjoy working on my body for ME, not for BHMs and not to be better than anyone else. 

I have no idea how to handle it but I love the way you handled it by posting more pictures Ms. Izzy


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## stldpn (Mar 10, 2010)

IszyStone said:


> Hi I'm Morgan, I'm squishy, and I'm sick of negativity.
> I know that people can't always get along all the time, that's a part of life. And trying to please people all the time isn't possible, but trying to not hurt people as much should be, at least for me and people I know it is.
> 
> This thing I'm writing is sparked by a recent mini-word-battle on the "Ladies, Post a cute pic of yourself" thread. What I see is just some major insensitivity. Yes. People are allowed to have their preferences, yes they are allowed to say them, but sometimes they are said too harshly or in an offensive way.
> ...



Look to me it's only negative if you don't learn something. I'll be the first to tell you that I don't agree with the way certain things are put across. I have a BBW in my life that I care a lot about now. I would urge any man to remember that limiting your search by size is pretty dumb. Good experiences come in all sizes. However, I have a big issue with people who don't allow for dissent, differing opinion, and most importantly "anything" that they find personally offensive. 

This whole thing started when a thin FFA came here to the BHM/FFA board and questioned why a thin woman would be allowed to post pics here. THAT is some insensitive ill informed garbage. So, in response, someone posted something rather harsh. 

There's a reason why I gravitate toward this area. This is the one area of the board where a BHM should have the license to feel like his preferences, issues and desires are important. So far as I'm concerned, bbws and their skinnier FA fans are more than welcome to run wild over the rest of site telling fat men that they are the afterthought in the fat acceptance movement, and that our issues,needs and preferences are somehow less than by comparison. But, someone came here, and I don't have too many issues with someone else telling them to butt out. If this guy was using that sig all over the common boards I'd say he deserves a good thwap, but here in this area BBWs are not the focus. The fact that this is an old battle just makes it crazier.

For years, BHMs have been a distinct afterthought. For as long as I can remember, I've been told by BBWs that I approached in supposedly size friendly communities that they were sorry I just wasn't their type, and I knew that by that they meant they thought they could get a "better looking" skinny guy. The fact that guys can be slagged off like that even in this community can be very hurtful. So far as I'm concerned, what's good for the goose is fine for the gander. 

I don't think I've made any secret of my basic distrust of skinny male FAs. I simply have not felt a sense of genuine respect from the men who identify as such. But, everyone has personal bias, I at least acknowledge mine. Not everyone expresses themselves patiently when they feel attacked. But if you insist that an entire community should stifle someone because you feel their opinions are hurtful. That's wrong. Ignore works great for me, that's why I suggested it's use.


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## stldpn (Mar 10, 2010)

rabbitislove said:


> I agree with Chicken. I tense up everytime a guy mentions liking skinny FFAs. Which I am. I feel like IRL and on this board there is tension between thin and fat women, and when we're both looking for BHM attention, chances for rejection, competition and hurt feelings are higher.
> 
> The last thing I want is for the BBWs to hate me, or think Im snobby or think Im superior. I do yoga and enjoy working on my body for ME, not for BHMs and not to be better than anyone else.
> 
> I have no idea how to handle it but I love the way you handled it by posting more pictures Ms. Izzy



The feelings of competition go both ways. Big guys are a lot less chatty about it because complaint rarely improves the odds. For a big boy, it can be highly discouraging game to play. The fact that BBW tend to come down on the side of skinny male fa inclusion and are often openly hostile toward skinny ffas doesn't help.


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## Joe944 (Mar 10, 2010)

I've barely been here and I have noticed the hostility towards the thinner gals, and that's just in THIS section. The fact that it happens at all in a community that is SUPPOSED to be all about loving each other for who we are and not what we looks like is almost disturbing.

Putting someone down because of how they look should never, ever happen on this forum. You can have a list of preferences as long as my you know what, but at the end of the day you are probably going to be missing out. Also, pointing out that this website was started for BBW's and not BHM's only validates that you only care about yourself and not size acceptance as legitimate social change.


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## stldpn (Mar 10, 2010)

stldpn said:


> This whole thing started when a thin *FFA *came here to the BHM/FFA board and questioned why a thin woman would be allowed to post pics here. THAT is some insensitive ill informed garbage. So, in response, someone posted something rather harsh.



should be fa but I'm sure you got the idea


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## escapist (Mar 10, 2010)

Joe944 said:


> I've barely been here and I have noticed the hostility towards the thinner gals, and that's just in THIS section. The fact that it happens at all in a community that is SUPPOSED to be all about loving each other for who we are and not what we looks like is almost disturbing.
> 
> Putting someone down because of how they look should never, ever happen on this forum. You can have a list of preferences as long as my you know what, but at the end of the day you are probably going to be missing out. Also, pointing out that this website was started for BBW's and not BHM's only validates that you only care about yourself and not size acceptance as legitimate social change.



Remember the site is Pro Size Acceptance but is for FA's and the chubby body's they love, it always has been. The BHM's are not the only ones saying they tend to find smaller (F)FA's attractive. I have heard of it many times from the BBW's saying that Fat on Fat just doesn't work. It is a silly statement. I was with a 300 lbs. woman myself for some time. There are plenty of BBW's who love and even sometimes prefer BHM. I am bi-sizual myself, but I'm sure there are plenty of BHM's who online like one size or another as well. 

I'm just saying we all have our likes and dislikes. If one only likes selecting from a limited selection I don't think they have a problem with it being limited. I think we all agree its just not cool to go around saying all the rest of you suck. Which is how the statement of preference was being taken (and perhaps intended).


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## IszyStone (Mar 10, 2010)

I wasn't trying to continue a battle anywhere, that I would definitely not like. I just wanted to get it out there that there's a lot of unnecessary negativity and people can have their own opinions, but there are better ways to go about getting them out.


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## JenFromOC (Mar 10, 2010)

I think it's funny as hell that everyone argues so much...it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever witnessed as a human being. Most of us don't even know each other IRL, yet an argument can start over just about anything...including grammar. Free entertainment.


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## ogie (Mar 10, 2010)

welcome to the internet, it is like the jerry springer version of real life.


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## stldpn (Mar 10, 2010)

ogie said:


> welcome to the internet, it is like the jerry springer version of real life.



I say it's better than jerry... even if I'm only showing my tiny moobs to a webcam...


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## chicken legs (Mar 10, 2010)

Dims is a whipping boy for some.


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## LoveBHMS (Mar 10, 2010)

I don't know about a whipping boy, but there are some posters here who appear to have no power at all in their real lives, and no outlet for anger. They come here and hiding behind a computer screen use this place as an outlet for everything that bothers them and as seemingly the only place where they can be free to exhibit the fury that builds up. They harass and annoy others over the smallest things and try to browbeat everyone into fighting with them. It can't be very satisfying since it's only the internet, but boy do some of them try. All the rage they feel in their lives gets distilled into this one venue.


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Mar 10, 2010)

I notice it's been mentioned twice (in this thread and the other thread) that some thin FFA's get crap from BBW-FFA's on the board... but, personally, I haven't noticed that. All the BBW's, and especially the BBW-FFA's, are nothing but nice.
I think the meanest people towards the thin women on here are the hardcore FA's who think every woman should be fat - but they are rare. 

I've noticed a few BHM's have kinda put their "foot in their mouth" so to speak, when expressing their preference... and it's sparked a conflict.

I think my main point is:
Having been on here for about three years now, I've noticed this argument come up multiple times... and it's always started off by some BHM making an ignorant comment and getting all us FFA's (regardless of size) all fired up.

We should just ignore the BHM then! *snickers*


(By the way... I feel ridiculous when I have to use all these descriptive acronyms repeatedly... haha)


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## stldpn (Mar 11, 2010)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> I think my main point is:
> Having been on here for about three years now, I've noticed this argument come up multiple times... and it's always started off by some BHM making an ignorant comment and getting all us FFA's (regardless of size) all fired up.
> 
> We should just ignore the BHM then! *snickers*
> ...



Maybe it continues to come up... because it's an issue. The guys who stick around just sort of accept the fact that you ladies don't get it.


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## stldpn (Mar 11, 2010)

If I wrote... Big women  seem to get more acceptance from their peers than the super skinny girls. My name would be mud.


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## escapist (Mar 11, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> I think it's funny as hell that everyone argues so much...it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever witnessed as a human being. Most of us don't even know each other IRL, yet an argument can start over just about anything...*including grammar*. Free entertainment.



Been reading post from my "Fan Club" huh?


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## chicken legs (Mar 11, 2010)

Male or female...grumpy shit talking folks are not attractive...unless they're an easy lay, have money and are willing to spend it on you, you are using them for breeding purposes, or they brainwashed you into thinking you can't do better.

Just IMO..


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## chicken legs (Mar 11, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> Male or female...grumpy shit talking folks are not attractive...unless they're an easy lay, have money and are willing to spend it on you, you are using them for breeding purposes, or they brainwashed you into thinking you can't do better.
> 
> Just IMO..



ya know ..that was one of my more negative posts..yikes


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## StarWitness (Mar 11, 2010)

stldpn said:


> There's a reason why I gravitate toward this area. This is the one area of the board where a BHM should have the license to feel like his preferences, issues and desires are important. So far as I'm concerned, bbws and their skinnier FA fans are more than welcome to run wild over the rest of site telling fat men that they are the afterthought in the fat acceptance movement, and that our issues,needs and preferences are somehow less than by comparison. But, someone came here, and I don't have too many issues with someone else telling them to butt out. If this guy was using that sig all over the common boards I'd say he deserves a good thwap, but here in this area BBWs are not the focus.



My comment in the photo thread was what sparked the whole argument, so I want to address that. I was feeling very frustrated the other night, and I don't think I communicated what I was feeling very well.

Mischel promptly edited his signature, for which I thank him. I want to make it clear that I am *not* attacking him with this post, merely explaining my feelings.

I'm a fat girl, and I realize that part of my identity is not the focus of the BHM/FFA board. However, I'm also totally into fat guys, so I do consider myself a "part" of this board. (And, for the record, if someone is hating on fat guys somewhere else on the boards, I will call them out if nobody else has done so.)

The picture in question read "No Fat FFAs". Now, I am not begrudging anyone their right to a preference. If the picture had said "I Love Skinny FFAs", you wouldn't have heard a peep out of me. What bothered me was feeling like I, a fat FFA, was being negated, or denied, or barred, or whatever, based on my body being unacceptable, in the same language that is so commonplace it's become an obnoxious cliche ("No Fat Chicks"). That made me really angry, especially considering that it was in a forum where I expect my body to be accepted without question. Not lusted after or idealized, just accepted. Not made into an icon and crossed out. So I said something.

Again, I'm not trying to resurrect an argument that's over, just trying to bring about some mutual empathy.


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## EvilPrincess (Mar 11, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> ya know ..that was one of my more negative posts..yikes


 

We all have our moments , just sounded like you had a rough day. Hope it gets better.


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## stldpn (Mar 11, 2010)

StarWitness said:


> That made me really angry, especially considering that it was in a forum where *I expect my body to be accepted without question*. Not lusted after or idealized, just accepted. Not made into an icon and crossed out. So I said something.
> 
> Again, I'm not trying to resurrect an argument that's over, just trying to bring about some mutual empathy.



It never should have turned into an arguement. I understand it's a touchy subject. But given the fact that BHMs here don't always have the luxury of venturing off this end of the board and finding unconditional acceptance and sensitivity toward their feelings, I felt it only fair to point that out. I could show you a half dozen examples but obviously that bores people. My suggestion remains the same, if you think someone is going to say something or post something insensitive to you it's generally less time consuming to ignore them.

Plus I'd like to get it clear... Mischel did what he did (right, wrong or indifferent) in response to this... and I can see the source of his aggravation.


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## StarWitness (Mar 11, 2010)

stldpn said:


> It never should have turned into an arguement. I understand it's a touchy subject. But given the fact that BHMs here don't always have the luxury of venturing off this end of the board and finding unconditional acceptance and sensitivity toward their feelings, I felt it only fair to point that out. I could show you a half dozen examples but obviously that bores people. My suggestion remains the same, if you think someone is going to say something or post something insensitive to you it's generally less time consuming to ignore them.



It would be less time consuming to ignore the comments that upset me, but I would rather be an active voice for making Dims a place where nobody feels attacked or ostracized due to what their body looks like. Not me, not you, not nobody.


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## stldpn (Mar 11, 2010)

StarWitness said:


> It would be less time consuming to ignore the comments that upset me, but I would rather be an active voice for making Dims a place where nobody feels attacked or ostracized due to what their body looks like. Not me, not you, not nobody.



Well not ignoring a comment means you confront it. Which gets you labeled a grump and a malcontent... or even worse and offensive person like mischel... so have fun.


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## chicken legs (Mar 11, 2010)

EvilPrincess said:


> We all have our moments , just sounded like you had a rough day. Hope it gets better.



LOL..I was watching RuPaul's Drag Race.


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## EvilPrincess (Mar 11, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> LOL..I was watching RuPaul's Drag Race.


 
That makes even more sense! Those WOMEN are tough!


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