# Of BBW's, FA's and the Geeks Among Us



## Edens_heel (Dec 31, 2007)

My fiancee, Candy Coated Clown, and myself have been pondering a question and I'm curious to hear the Dims response to this:

Do you think that there is a greater number of FA's amongst the Geek society? By which I mean, do you think or notice that more men who fit into the geek or nerd category (fun with stereotypes I know, but both of us consider ourselves to be geeks to a very large degree) are FA's and more women who fall into it tend to be BBW's? And if so, why is that? Is it lifestyle perspective on some level? Perhaps preferring someone who, again stereotypically, represents a more relaxed, fun lifestyle, someone who isn't concerned with seeming fake but is more willing to embrace what they truly enjoy and are passionate about, someone who places their hobbies and passions above the need to look or act a certain way?

Very curious to hear responses. I definitely think there's something to it.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Dec 31, 2007)

Edens_heel said:


> My fiancee, Candy Coated Clown, and myself have been pondering a question and I'm curious to hear the Dims response to this:
> 
> Do you think that there is a greater number of FA's amongst the Geek society? By which I mean, do you think or notice that more men who fit into the geek or nerd category (fun with stereotypes I know, but both of us consider ourselves to be geeks to a very large degree) are FA's and more women who fall into it tend to be BBW's? And if so, why is that? Is it lifestyle perspective on some level? Perhaps preferring someone who, again stereotypically, represents a more relaxed, fun lifestyle, someone who isn't concerned with seeming fake but is more willing to embrace what they truly enjoy and are passionate about, someone who places their hobbies and passions above the need to look or act a certain way?
> 
> Very curious to hear responses. I definitely think there's something to it.



I've noticed this pattern specifically with gamer geeks. Of course a good amount of gamer males tend to be like most men who prefer smaller women but I've definitely noticed a "trend" more so amongst gamer geeks with having BBW girlfriends/wives or FA tendencies. I know I am not going crazy.


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## pat70327 (Dec 31, 2007)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> I've noticed this pattern specifically with gamer geeks. Of course a good amount of gamer males tend to be like most men who prefer smaller women but I've definitely noticed a "trend" more so amongst gamer geeks with having BBW girlfriends/wives or FA tendencies. I know I am not going crazy.



Well I'm not a gamer and I wouldn't say I'm a geek...even though my major is Material Science and Engineering lol.... I still go out thursday-sat, and I wouldnt say i do any stereotypical geek activities.... except studying.... but i do think most FA's are more intelligent than the typical male....


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## Edens_heel (Dec 31, 2007)

I wonder if intelligence, as you say Pat, might play a part. I was just thinking more on the lines of geeks having certain passions, hobbies and mannerisms that others might not, but in terms of intelligence that may also play a part.

I can see intelligence and susceptibility as being synonymous with one another, and I think, all things being equal, and based on historical preconceptions about plus-sized figures on women being deemed preferred, that if the media bias and social preconceptions on beauty were not there, that more men would probably desire a plus sized woman. I think the more intelligent are able to look past the crap and see what it is that is truly attractive to them.


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## pat70327 (Dec 31, 2007)

Edens_heel said:


> I wonder if intelligence, as you say Pat, might play a part. I was just thinking more on the lines of geeks having certain passions, hobbies and mannerisms that others might not, but in terms of intelligence that may also play a part.
> 
> I can see intelligence and susceptibility as being synonymous with one another, and I think, all things being equal, and based on historical preconceptions about plus-sized figures on women being deemed preferred, that if the media bias and social preconceptions on beauty were not there, that more men would probably desire a plus sized woman. I think the more intelligent are able to look past the crap and see what it is that is truly attractive to them.



I would have to agree. Intelligent people tend to believe what is in there heart/ there own ideas, and not fall victim to meaningless/impratical media standards... and talking to people on the boards I havnt gotten the impression "wow they really are stupid" , but chatting with most people you'll get that every so often lol


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## Tad (Dec 31, 2007)

I think that there probably is a higher percentage of FA amongst geeks than amongst the general public, and I think a higher portion of these FAs are actually some degree of open about it, and I think a higher percentage of non-FA are at least reasonably accepting of varying sizes. I think the same probably applies amongst goths and several other non-mainstream groups. 

Why I think this is a mixture of observation and deduction. For the observation part, Ive seen enough of nerd culture to see lots of couples with one member fat, and have seen some chubby and even fat folk be real local stars, their size not really counting against them. Although Im a gamer, science fiction fan, and so on, I never really got into formal nerd culture, so this has been mostly observations from a distance, Ive not talked to a lot of the people involved, so I may be mis-reading things, but this is my overall impression.

For the deduction part, I look at it as a sort of law of diminishing returns. When puberty hits, most people have a strong desire to be like their peers (except unique and special). There is a strong social pressure and reward for being popular with the popular people. So everyone, to varying extents depending on their personality, has a reason to be as normal as possible. Normal here being used to mean typical, in the centre of their peer group. However, some people are either no good at being normal (they just dont read social situations well, they look different (such as being fat), or their back ground hasnt given them the tool set to blend in well), or wont make the choices required to blend in (their priorities are just too different, they have loyalty to some person or ideal which is not popular, they dont like what it is popular to like (such as being an FA) or whatever). Each difference like this pushed them further from the centre of their peer group. However what is lost in moving from near the middle to near the edge is much bigger than in each subsequent move further from the middle. So if you are already a nerd, dating a fat person may make you even less cool, but in the first place you werent that cool, so it does not make a huge difference. Likewise, if you were never interested in the cool girls at the top of the social totem pole, you may well have tended to drift off to the edges in the first place, at which point the social cost of associating with some poorly viewed group may be lower. Likewise if you were pushed from the middle because you were fat. And when you do find one of these alternative groups, because their priorities are different, being fat or liking people who are fat will not cost you as much within that group as it will within more mainstream groups. 

I hope that made some sort of senseIm not feeling very articulate this morning.

Regards;

-Ed


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 31, 2007)

I think that geeks are just taking over the world is all. It's like saying, "Don't you find it peculiar that most of the people who ask me out have email addresses?" Some of the most un-geeky people I've met are mad whore geeks under the surface. Geek is the new black. 





Edens_heel said:


> My fiancee, Candy Coated Clown, and myself have been pondering a question and I'm curious to hear the Dims response to this:
> 
> Do you think that there is a greater number of FA's amongst the Geek society? By which I mean, do you think or notice that more men who fit into the geek or nerd category (fun with stereotypes I know, but both of us consider ourselves to be geeks to a very large degree) are FA's and more women who fall into it tend to be BBW's? And if so, why is that? Is it lifestyle perspective on some level? Perhaps preferring someone who, again stereotypically, represents a more relaxed, fun lifestyle, someone who isn't concerned with seeming fake but is more willing to embrace what they truly enjoy and are passionate about, someone who places their hobbies and passions above the need to look or act a certain way?
> 
> Very curious to hear responses. I definitely think there's something to it.


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## SparklingBBW (Dec 31, 2007)

I tend to most often find FAs amongst these groups: 

Engineers/Scientists/Mathmatics: Something about the numbers and the physics of a BBW, especially a SSBBW and thinner FA combination seems to really crank their shafts. These guys especially are concerned with weights and measurements and refer to curves sometimes as terraine. They also may come equiped with diagrams on how best to accomplish "the deed" with a SSBBW in order to facilitate the pleasure for both parties. 

Ren Faire/SCA/Pagan folk: These fellows just tend to be....how should I say it....Earthy? They love being naked and they love women of all sizes being naked and/or cinched up in corsets that accentuate the curves. They also have a hedonistic bent about them and embrace all forms of excess...excess pleasure...excess food and drink...and excess skin and flesh. Truly people who lust for life, lust for each other and just lust for MORE of everything. 

Sci-fi/gamers/fantasy folk: These are the ones who have an appreciate for all things not "normal" by society's standards. They loved it when Kirk got with the freaky green-skinned 6-breasted alien and could SO picture themselves hittin' that too. They are usually very shy in the real world so most any woman who pays them attention can snag one of them. They really don't care if you're overweight just as long as you're willing to slap the Cinabon's on the sides of yer head and answer to "Princess Leia". (I keed -- these are usually good-hearted fellows, diamonds in the rough so to speak, who tend to just love women of all shapes and sizes, colors, and number of appendages.)

Of course YMMV, but if you're looking for an FA, especially one who doesn't necessarily realize or declare himself an FA, I'd look to these groups. Wonderful gentleman to be found in all of them. 

Gena


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## pat70327 (Dec 31, 2007)

Genarose54 said:


> I tend to most often find FAs amongst these groups:
> 
> Engineers/Scientists/Mathmatics: Something about the numbers and the physics of a BBW, especially a SSBBW and thinner FA combination seems to really crank their shafts. These guys especially are concerned with weights and measurements and refer to curves sometimes as terraine. They also may come equiped with diagrams on how best to accomplish "the deed" with a SSBBW in order to facilitate the pleasure for both parties.
> 
> ...



Engineer ... right here


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## Just_Jen (Dec 31, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> I think that geeks are just taking over the world is all. It's like saying, "Don't you find it peculiar that most of the people who ask me out have email addresses?" Some of the most un-geeky people I've met are mad whore geeks under the surface. Geek is the new black.



geek is the new black..i love it..and so true..


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Dec 31, 2007)

Genarose54 said:


> Sci-fi/gamers/fantasy folk: These are the ones who have an appreciate for all things not "normal" by society's standards. They loved it when Kirk got with the freaky green-skinned 6-breasted alien and could SO picture themselves hittin' that too. They are usually very shy in the real world so most any woman who pays them attention can snag one of them. They really don't care if you're overweight just as long as you're willing to slap the Cinabon's on the sides of yer head and answer to "Princess Leia". (I keed -- these are usually good-hearted fellows, diamonds in the rough so to speak, who tend to just love women of all shapes and sizes, colors, and number of appendages.)



This is so me it's not even funny. I have spoken at length about the attractiveness of quasi-humanoids, and not just the more fanservicy class of aliens and vampires.


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## Edens_heel (Jan 1, 2008)

Just_Jen said:


> geek is the new black..i love it..and so true..



It is - so very very true, and for once I'm in style! Woo!

Oh, and happy new year all you bright and shiny people


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jan 1, 2008)

Genarose54 said:


> I tend to most often find FAs amongst these groups:
> 
> Engineers/Scientists/Mathmatics: Something about the numbers and the physics of a BBW, especially a SSBBW and thinner FA combination seems to really crank their shafts. These guys especially are concerned with weights and measurements and refer to curves sometimes as terraine. They also may come equiped with diagrams on how best to accomplish "the deed" with a SSBBW in order to facilitate the pleasure for both parties.
> 
> ...



The common thread linking FA's and all these groups seems to be _imagination_. The fact that you're reading this thread instead of watching the shopping channel suggests that you follow your own dreams rather than accept the pre-packaged, commercialized, mainstream version. :bow:


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## Lastminute.Tom (Jan 1, 2008)

I think there is an even spread between jocks and geeks but jocks tend to be more firmly in the closet because they are more afraid of being judged


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## Just_Jen (Jan 1, 2008)

Lastminute.Tom said:


> I think there is an even spread between jocks and geeks but jocks tend to be more firmly in the closet because they are more afraid of being judged



id have to agree with this, theyre deffo in the closet though..


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## chunkeymonkey (Jan 1, 2008)

I am married to a FA who happens to be a scientist. A few of my Ex's were into Pharmacy, Accounting and engineering. I had the odd one who was a loser that um.... well I dont know where to put them. Anyways I have had friends who were computer Geek's and I know they all had BBW girlfriends and or would hate having get togethers in fear of losing their dates to the better looking FA friends...... Now a problem I find with the Geek's are they are very analytical, well most of the ones I know. I find it funny to watch and observe them check me out because they :
A) are so focused on my belly or other attributes they forget I am actually watching them analyse me or mentally computing their data.
B) are extremely genius in book smarts and completely oblivious to street smarts.
Now I used to find when I was younger (LOL wow or a LONG time ago) in high school that the jocks were the popular ones the intelligent ones were usually the more pocket protector types who focused more on practical side of things than wasting the day doing fun stuff. When It came to school dances it usually ended up with the Fat girls being the last to get asked to dance and it was usually by a total geek. Now a smart girl would see , if you take away the quirky qualities of a geek they can be very fun and sexy guy under all of that....... a lot of potential with a great financial and stable future.
When I was in my 20's I found the FA's or closet FA's to be unavailable..... the ones in my age range were focused on their eduacation and trying to be the scholars of the class. Any of the guys who were interested in me were either into hogging or closet FA's who would say wow pretty face - too bad you're fat but I would do you. Then later after a few drinks they would ask you to go home with them.
In my 30's I was flooded by requests by FA's on the internet... I have had a lot of interest. It seems most of the guys are within a few years of my age single, never married and have a great career ahead of them and now looking to settle down. I find FA's are also more ok about being open about being a FA when they have a secure job they are comfortable with being in their 30's. This could be just the ones I have run into. I dont know. Also, these are mostly guys I interacted with online so who knows how open they really are about being an FA in real life.
Now I have totally lost what the hell I am talking about or where I was going with this..... but I do know a true analytical FA will correct what I just wrote. 



A BBW would get really excited about sexy new outfit of which you might have the possibility of getting to see it on or possibly more. A FA will find a way to find the Debbie Downer side of the outfit..... IE it was made in a sweat shop or something else. In return you have just diminished your chance of getiing some true sexy pleasure...... I say this from my side of being a BBW.:batting:


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 1, 2008)

Love Geeks and Nerds! Love them.


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## vcrgrrl (Jan 1, 2008)

I personally have really not noticed, but I have been pretty much out of the dating scene for the last two years or so...... I live in a military town, and it seems like everyone here is deployed or married but that's another story In the past though, I haven't thought anyone was really geeky or nerdy that I have dated.... But I consider myself a geek and sometimes will refer to myself as a nerd with a computer for a brain lol.


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## Suze (Jan 2, 2008)

*I* think that many FA are geeks/nerds because fat chicks are considered less attractive...the geeky guys have a much better chance of hooking up with them because of this. The girls choose to be with them because they don’t think they can get any better. I think that a lot of fat girls aren’t attracted to their partners appearance. 

Nerds are often (adds) considered less attractive.

*Ducks* 
(Just wanted to be honest here, not saying their ALL ugly)


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## Jack Skellington (Jan 2, 2008)

susieQ said:


> *Nerds are often less attractive.
> 
> *Ducks*
> (Just wanted to be honest here, not saying their ALL ugly)



The one little flaw in you reasoning:

"Ugly" guys still want to date "hot" chicks.


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## Suze (Jan 2, 2008)

Jack Skellington said:


> The one little flaw in you reasoning:
> 
> "Ugly" guys still want to date "hot" chicks.



I think you're avi is angry at me:blink:!

And yeah...sure. And many chicks that are (considered) hot prefer to date guys that are (considered) ugly. 

I didn't mean to offend or anything, but i felt i should be honest.


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## pudgy (Jan 2, 2008)

Sad fact: I only know one FA (and yes, I'm not a closet-FA) and that's myself. But to this thread's benefit, I am a geek.


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## Jack Skellington (Jan 2, 2008)

susieQ said:


> I didn't mean to offend or anything, but i felt i should be honest.



Nah, I'm totally not offended. 

I'm just pointing out the reality that plenty of "nerds/ugly" dudes are still going to want to date super models. Why do you think so many ugly dudes become rockstars? 

Not to mention guys tend to think they are a _bit_ better looking than they actually are and don't consider themselves ugly. Seriously though, "ugly" guys are still going to want women who are 10s. Those 10s just happen to come in a variety of shapes and sizes. 

I mean sure there are the creeps that prey on what they consider ugly chicks because they think they are easy lays. But they are going to do that to thin "ugly" women too.


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## Suze (Jan 2, 2008)

> Why do you think so many ugly dudes become rockstars?



Because they look hawt in their emo glasses



> Not to mention guys tend to think they are a _bit_ better looking than they actually are and don't consider themselves ugly. Seriously though, "ugly" guys are still going to want women who are 10s. Those 10s just happen to come in a variety of shapes and sizes.
> 
> I mean sure there are the creeps that prey on what they consider ugly chicks because they think they are easy lays. But they are going to do that to thin "ugly" women too.



^ Sure, I second all the stuff you posted.

I guess my post sounded somewhat shallow. (I kind off regret I didnt use these icons ->  )
I still believe that many guys convince themselves that they are FA because their lack of self esteem, though.

(Btw You should know by know that I totally have a internerd :wubu: on you. Not trying to kiss your ass or anything)


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## altered states (Jan 2, 2008)

Genarose54 said:


> I tend to most often find FAs amongst these groups:
> Engineers/Scientists/Mathmatics
> Ren Faire/SCA/Pagan folk
> Sci-fi/gamers/fantasy folk



I think FAs know what they are fairly early and it's one of those attributes that immediately makes them feel different from their peers, and thus maybe more receptive to exploring other paths in life in general. All of the above categories are marked by obsessiveness, something that's also nurtured by outsider status.

Maybe artists can be added to this list? Or maybe their preferences are just more open to the general public... I remember in art school I gave my dad a drawing I was proud of as a present, a figure study of a BBW model we'd had in class. He was appreciative, but asked me (or maybe the universe in general), "Why are all artists so into fat women?"*

(* For the record, dad isn't an FA but is FA-friendly. I believe it was legitimate curiosity!)


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## chunkeymonkey (Jan 2, 2008)

I can actually say this as a fact..... While I was waiting for the right FA to come along I found awsome stylish guy ideas from hanging with all my GAY friends. This came in so handy when I was able to transform my geek to super hot with style. 
Geeks are like a rare diamond in the rough.... they just need the proper polish and the right FAt girl to wear them....:blush:


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 2, 2008)

Not true - I have known very attractive nerds and geeks. Maybe not ruggedly handsome but good looking anyway. I like men with non traditional good looks. And I don't feel I settled for my husband he is the most wonderful man I ever met and damn good lookin too - to me. What others think matters not.

You are making a lot of assumtions here that aren't fair. Looks is in the eye of the beholder. What you find handsome probably wouldn't interest me. That doesn't make me or my choice lesser than.

I like typically - bearded men, big noses - wrinkles around the eyes - grey in the hair and a face that looks like he's lived a bit. Hence why I think Pete Townshend is the sexiest man in the world.





susieQ said:


> *I* think that many FA are geeks/nerds because fat chicks are considered less attractive...the geeky guys have a much better chance of hooking up with them because of this. The girls choose to be with them because they dont think they can get any better. I think that a lot of fat girls arent attracted to their partners appearance.
> 
> Nerds are often (adds) considered less attractive.
> 
> ...


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 2, 2008)

susieQ said:


> I still believe that many guys convince themselves that they are FA because their lack of self esteem, though.



Where is this coming from.? The FA's I know have known they like fat girls since they were kids.


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## Tad (Jan 2, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Where is this coming from.? The FA's I know have known they like fat girls since they were kids.



If she didn't use the term FA, I'd almost agree with her. I have known a couple of guys who were with BBW in a sort of "Well, I won't do any better, so I'd better learn to like it" sort of way. Which is sad. In at least one case, she pretty much straight up told him no other girl would have him, so he should give way to her in all things  Yes, lots of messed up relationships in the world. 

But I've also known guys who are nerds but with lots of charisma, so that they never really lacked for reasonable choice of people to date, who may never have called themselves FA per se, but who over time seemed to drift towards BBW. I think that was the opposite case, that as their self-esteem improved, they got more willing to date women who were not as conventionally good looking.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 2, 2008)

I gotta say I find the premis that fat girls and nerds have to settle for each other really offensive. 





edx said:


> If she didn't use the term FA, I'd almost agree with her. I have known a couple of guys who were with BBW in a sort of "Well, I won't do any better, so I'd better learn to like it" sort of way. Which is sad. In at least one case, she pretty much straight up told him no other girl would have him, so he should give way to her in all things  Yes, lots of messed up relationships in the world.
> 
> But I've also known guys who are nerds but with lots of charisma, so that they never really lacked for reasonable choice of people to date, who may never have called themselves FA per se, but who over time seemed to drift towards BBW. I think that was the opposite case, that as their self-esteem improved, they got more willing to date women who were not as conventionally good looking.


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## Tad (Jan 2, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I gotta say I find the premis that fat girls and nerds have to settle for each other really offensive.



I think that anyone should be expected to settle for anyone else is a sad thing. But these sorts of expectations are out there.....and worth fighting whenever they do crop up.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 2, 2008)

That I agree with. I did not settle for my husband nor he for me. We are each others perfect match. 




edx said:


> I think that anyone should be expected to settle for anyone else is a sad thing. But these sorts of expectations are out there.....and worth fighting whenever they do crop up.


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## Paul Delacroix (Jan 2, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> I think that geeks are just taking over the world is all. It's like saying, "Don't you find it peculiar that most of the people who ask me out have email addresses?"



Agreed. The "geek" is today's business person...whereas the captain of the football team from High School works in sales at Pep Boys.

Geeks are taking over the world. I don't really think there's a 'fat link' to geeks, although there may be more geeks who openly express FAism. 

(I was going to say "size acceptance", but there aren't many people extant in size acceptance anymore.)


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 2, 2008)

Paul Delacroix said:


> (I was going to say "size acceptance", but there aren't many people extant in size acceptance anymore.)



Ooop now you stepped in it!!:doh:


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## Paul Delacroix (Jan 2, 2008)

susieQ said:


> *I* think that many FA are geeks/nerds because fat chicks are considered less attractive...the geeky guys have a much better chance of hooking up with them because of this. The girls choose to be with them because they dont think they can get any better. I think that a lot of fat girls arent attracted to their partners appearance.
> 
> Nerds are often (adds) considered less attractive.
> 
> ...



Sometimes the size acceptance levels in this place are just amazing.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 2, 2008)

Paul Delacroix said:


> Sometimes the size acceptance levels in this place are just amazing.



What he said!!


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 2, 2008)

Paul Delacroix said:


> Sometimes the size acceptance levels in this place are just amazing.



What do you mean? Everybody knows that men merely date fat women because they can't be bothered to put in the effort to get a real woman. The guy I was dating last was interested in my skinny sister. Since she turned him down and I happened to be handy he asked me out. I eagerly obliged of course, thanking my sister for the kind gesture of turning him down so I could catch a break. I broke things off and last I heard he bought a nice goat from India.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 2, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> What do you mean? Everybody knows that men merely date fat women because they can't be bothered to put in the effort to get a real woman. The guy I was dating last was interested in my skinny sister. Since she turned him down and I happened to be handy he asked me out. I eagerly obliged of course, thanking my sister for the kind gesture of turning him down so I could catch a break. I broke things off and last I heard he bought a nice goat from India.




ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! I love you Lilly and not just cause you might be with me rather than be alone!!


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 2, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! I love you Lilly and not just cause you might be with me rather than be alone!!



*sigh* At last! A coveted spot in the Sandie Zitkus harem. :wubu:


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 2, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> *sigh* At last! A coveted spot in the Sandie Zitkus harem. :wubu:



That' right I'm bad!!! I have my own harem that's right.


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## DoctorBreen (Jan 2, 2008)

I'm a quite a nerd of sorts, but I wouldn't say that it has had any bearing on my sexual preferences. Considering the vast amounts of geek-type people who visit internet forums, it's no wonder that the geeks tend to be found in large numbers in alot of internet groups. Perhaps being attracted to larger women is more prevalent with geeks/nerds for whatever reasons, but I doubt it's anything to do with intelligence.


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## Foolish Fool (Jan 2, 2008)

Genarose54 said:


> Sci-fi/gamers/fantasy folk: These are the ones who have an appreciate for all things not "normal" by society's standards. They loved it when Kirk got with the freaky green-skinned 6-breasted alien and could SO picture themselves hittin' that too. They are usually very shy in the real world so most any woman who pays them attention can snag one of them. They really don't care if you're overweight just as long as you're willing to slap the Cinabon's on the sides of yer head and answer to "Princess Leia".


<lighthearted>hey, i'm a gamer, and i take offense that you'd group gamers into the same catergory as those damn Star Trek/Star Wars uber-fanboy freaks.</lighthearted>


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## Ojiryojoji (Jan 2, 2008)

Besides myself, the vast majority of my friends that are geeky in one way or another seem to be after exactly what everyone else tells them they should be after. That of course is apparently a "magical" class of women that are very well endowed on the top and the bottom, but somehow the process that endowed them magically must have skipped the middle and all other areas. Shun any "real" women! Shuuuuuuuun!

And people think that those of us who like women the big girls are crazy, but atleast we arent chasing after mysterious and mythical creatures. While they search endlessly and futilely Im just going to have a seat, and enjoy the company of all the real and tangible women. Women of "substance". ;D


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## Suze (Jan 2, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Not true - I have known very attractive nerds and geeks. Maybe not ruggedly handsome but good looking anyway. I like men with non traditional good looks. And I don't feel I settled for my husband he is the most wonderful man I ever met and damn good lookin too - to me. What others think matters not.
> 
> You are making a lot of assumtions here that aren't fair. Looks is in the eye of the beholder. What you find handsome probably wouldn't interest me. That doesn't make me or my choice lesser than.
> 
> I like typically - bearded men, big noses - wrinkles around the eyes - grey in the hair and a face that looks like he's lived a bit. Hence why I think Pete Townshend is the sexiest man in the world.





Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Where is this coming from.? The FA's I know have known they like fat girls since they were kids.





Paul Delacroix said:


> Sometimes the size acceptance levels in this place are just amazing.



Jebuuz guys. I was not saying that I think this is the way it should be. Just the reason behind it, that’s all. 
And if you look at my 2-3 post you will see that I regret that the first one came out rather shallow. Did anyone miss that part?!

Buuuuut…. I guess the safest thing is to agree 100% with the majority, &#8216;cause if you don’t, you definitely are against size acceptance.


----------



## Paul Delacroix (Jan 2, 2008)

susieQ said:


> And if you look at my 2-3 post you will see that I regret that the first one came out rather shallow. Did anyone miss that part?!



Oh you mean the post where you said this?: 

"I still believe that many guys convince themselves that they are FA because their lack of self esteem, though."

Yeah, that one's lots better, thanks...LOL!


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## Suze (Jan 2, 2008)

Paul Delacroix said:


> Oh you mean the post where you said this?:
> 
> "I still believe that many guys convince themselves that they are FA because their lack of self esteem, though."
> 
> Yeah, that one's lots better, thanks...LOL!



You're most welcomed. Im ridiculously funny, I know.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 3, 2008)

susieQ said:


> Jebuuz guys. I was not saying that I think this is the way it should be. Just the reason behind it, thats all.



And that is supposed to make it better?????

The reason behind geeks and fat girls getting together is because we have to settle?? What part of that _isn't _offensive??

Thank you for taking my marriage to the man of my dreams and marginalizing it to 2 people who settled because they had to. You made _MY_ day.


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## EtobicokeFA (Jan 3, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> And that is supposed to make it better?????
> 
> The reason behind geeks and fat girls getting together is because we have to settle?? What part of that _isn't _offensive??
> 
> Thank you for taking my marriage to the man of my dreams and marginalizing it to 2 people who settled because they had to. You made _MY_ day.



Same here! I for one, can't see how that statement is *not *offensive!


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## Suze (Jan 3, 2008)

I seams like you guys misunderstand me on purpose. 

I think I'm going to leave this as it is because I'm really not keen on excuse myself more than I already have.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 3, 2008)

That's not true. But if you are trying to say something positive you are not making yourself clear.





susieQ said:


> I seams like you guys misunderstand me on purpose.
> 
> I think I'm going to leave this as it is because I'm really not keen on excuse myself more than I already have.


----------



## Suze (Jan 3, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> That's not true. But if you are trying to say something positive you are not making yourself clear.



It wasn't my intension to say something very positive in this context, actually. 
I kinda knew from the start that my post would offend some people. 

I just feel I should be as honest as possible, even if the stuff I type sounds like crap to others.


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## EtobicokeFA (Jan 3, 2008)

susieQ said:


> It wasn't my intension to say something very positive in this context, actually.
> I kinda knew from the start that my post would offend some people.
> 
> I just feel I should be as honest as possible, even if the stuff I type sounds like crap to others.



Correct me if I am wrong but your statement was that geek and fat people can only get together by settling for each other. 

I am sorry, I just can't see how stating that, is honest or even factual. 

At the most it shows that you have a low opinion of geeks, fat people or both.


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 3, 2008)

susieQ said:


> It wasn't my intension to say something very positive in this context, actually.
> I kinda knew from the start that my post would offend some people.
> 
> I just feel I should be as honest as possible, even if the stuff I type sounds like crap to others.



Your reality is not everyone's, Susie. For the record, I don't think that geeks and BBW have to "settle" for each other. That's quite a callous way of looking at the world, and it's not how attraction works. 

People "settle" for each other all the time -- thin, fat, beautiful, deformed, etc. There are a lot of reasons why this happens, and it's not restricted to any one type of person (though all likely share characteristics of low self-esteem). 

I'm not offended in the slightest. I just don't happen to agree with your assessment.


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## Tad (Jan 3, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Your reality is not everyone's, Susie. For the record, I don't think that geeks and BBW have to "settle" for each other. That's quite a callous way of looking at the world, and it's not how attraction works.
> 
> People "settle" for each other all the time -- thin, fat, beautiful, deformed, etc. There are a lot of reasons why this happens, and it's not restricted to any one type of person (though all likely share characteristics of low self-esteem).
> 
> I'm not offended in the slightest. I just don't happen to agree with your assessment.



:doh: "You must spread some reputation around....." 

In other words yah, what she said!


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 3, 2008)

susieQ said:


> It wasn't my intension to say something very positive in this context, actually.
> I kinda knew from the start that my post would offend some people.
> 
> I just feel I should be as honest as possible, even if the stuff I type sounds like crap to others.



But it's simply not true - in any context. Are you fat? And if so do you think the men you have been with have only been with you because you're fat and they couldn't get anyone better???

You know what I think about the men I've been with??? They're lucky I gave them a second look - becaue I'm special and they couldn't do much better!

And the men? Fabulous - wonderful men who each brought something amazing into my life and my life is better from knowing them. And they ALL taught me something.


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## Suze (Jan 3, 2008)

Trust me, I get it! 
*Everyone versus Me*


Seriously guys, Im done. I cant explain myself any better. If I try, someone would probably take it the wrong way anyways.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 3, 2008)

I was hoping for a conversation with you - but I guess not.

Take care.




susieQ said:


> Trust me, I get it!
> *Everyone versus Me*
> 
> 
> Seriously guys, Im done. I cant explain myself any better. If I try, someone would probably take it the wrong way anyways.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 3, 2008)

susieQ said:


> Trust me, I get it!
> *Everyone versus Me*
> 
> 
> Seriously guys, Im done. I cant explain myself any better. If I try, someone would probably take it the wrong way anyways.



Susie, grow up. Take some responsibility for the context of your message. It *is* offensive, and you knew that it would be. Now, you're waxing aggrieved because people *have* taken offense?!?!?


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## Smushygirl (Jan 3, 2008)

Christ on a crutch! Susie didn't start the thread, which could be construed as offensive. I understand that people speak from their own experiences here. Maybe that is her experience. Maybe she was being funny. These conversations don't always have to degenerate into a brawl, do they? 

Susie has also said that English is not her first language, so she doesn't like engaging in these conversations where she knows she will have to defend herself.

This place can be very crazy, especially for someone new here.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 3, 2008)

This was not a brawl by any stretch of the imagination. 

And whether it's her experience or her belief it's offensive. And I was trying to understand what she was saying - not argue. 





Smushygirl said:


> Christ on a crutch! Susie didn't start the thread, which could be construed as offensive. I understand that people speak from their own experiences here. Maybe that is her experience. Maybe she was being funny. These conversations don't always have to degenerate into a brawl, do they?
> 
> Susie has also said that English is not her first language, so she doesn't like engaging in these conversations where she knows she will have to defend herself.
> 
> This place can be very crazy, especially for someone new here.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 3, 2008)

Smushygirl said:


> Christ on a crutch! Susie didn't start the thread, which could be construed as offensive. I understand that people speak from their own experiences here. Maybe that is her experience. Maybe she was being funny. These conversations don't always have to degenerate into a brawl, do they?
> 
> Susie has also said that English is not her first language, so she doesn't like engaging in these conversations where she knows she will have to defend herself.
> 
> This place can be very crazy, especially for someone new here.



First of all, I'm hardly engaged in a brawl. Susie made some remarks that were extremely controversial, if not downright offensive. She openly acknowledged that she knew in advance that they would be construed that way; and frankly, I'm not quite sure how else to take these remarks:



susieQ said:


> I still believe that many guys convince themselves that they are FA because their lack of self esteem, though.





susieQ said:


> *I* think that many FA are geeks/nerds because fat chicks are considered less attractive...the geeky guys have a much better chance of hooking up with them because of this. The girls choose to be with them because they dont think they can get any better. I think that a lot of fat girls arent attracted to their partners appearance.



Guys *convince themselves* that they are FA's because they can't do any better?!!?! Fat chicks are considered less attractive, thus the geeks among us have a better chance of 'hooking up'? 

I'd rather die alone than be with a man that I wasn't attracted to; I'd never 'settle' for anything less. I don't think I'm in a minority here; I happen to believe that this is how most reasonably mature people think. I don't sell myself short, nor would I be selfish enough to be with someone that I wasn't wholly in love with -- thereby ensuring that he has no chance to be with someone else who *would* love & adore him just as he is. 

Susie doesn't get a free pass because she's new or because English isn't her first language. She's explained herself quite well. People have disagreed with her. And now, she's yanked out the "dogpile" card ... one that I'm frankly tired of seeing. 

Say something controversial, expect to inspire controvery. Really ... how much simpler can it get?


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## Tad (Jan 3, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Susie doesn't get a free pass because she's new or because English isn't her first language. She's explained herself quite well. People have disagreed with her. And now, she's yanked out the "dogpile" card ... one that I'm frankly tired of seeing.



Yes. But! 

At least to my readings, the disagreements were not inviting discussion, they were more or less saying "that is offensive, and it is not true in my experience, so it is wrong." When someone who is probably not delusional says something that disagrees with your world view, after you have objected to it, there is only something to talk about if both sides are willing to go into the background that makes them look at things that way, and do so with an open mind towards maybe finding some shared views. Otherwise you are just lobbing your opinions back and forth across the fence.

I think the lobbing of opinions back and forth had gone on long enough to make it pretty clear that this was not a mis-communication, it is an honest to goodness "we see the world differently." At which point leaving the discussion is a pretty reasonable decision, especially if you don't think anyone is much interested in understanding your point of view, as opposed to rejecting it. So I have some sympathy with here there. I've been in her position, and often the best thing to do is simply end the discussion.

Now, the "everyone versus me" type comment does muddy the water. Sorry, you don't get sympathy just because your opinion is in the minority here. Definite loss of sympathy points for that attitude.

Heh, now I've probably managed to offend everyone involved with my arrogant assessment. Everyone versus me now!


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## Smushygirl (Jan 3, 2008)

Tracijo, I dig you, a lot. Especially since you said before you weren't offended by what she said. I just think that a lot of the "fighting" that goes on between women here is unnecessary.

There have been men here that have said the same things, although in a different way. Men that defend or explain being closet FA's, men that have snuff fantasies about fat women and get defended, men that prey on lonely women and get away with it because both partners may have low self esteem. It happens all the time here and in real life. The board is rife with posts about it. That's what I don't understand what folks here say they don't see.

I think it is very easy for married women who have actually navigated the minefield of dating and come out on the other side clean and free of it's trappings. Even on things I haven't experienced, like marriage and motherhood, I have your back, because you are a woman. The type of person with whom I have shared experiences. The empathy in my heart allows me to see where you are coming from even if I haven't done what you have done. I think that is true for all fat women.

Eh, I'm rambling now, but I really don't have a bone to pick except that as women we should all be a little more supportive of each other. Especially fat women.


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 3, 2008)

edx said:


> Yes. But!
> 
> At least to my readings, the disagreements were not inviting discussion, they were more or less saying "that is offensive, and it is not true in my experience, so it is wrong." When someone who is probably not delusional says something that disagrees with your world view, after you have objected to it, there is only something to talk about if both sides are willing to go into the background that makes them look at things that way, and do so with an open mind towards maybe finding some shared views. Otherwise you are just lobbing your opinions back and forth across the fence.
> 
> ...



Yes. But!

At this point, I wasn't really responding to Susie, so much as I was to Smushygirl's "leave poor Susie alone!" post. 

Still, I do agree that at this point, this particular line of discussion isn't really doing anyone any good. 

lolcats, anyone?


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## Tad (Jan 3, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> lolcats, anyone?



So, I've long been wondering.....does "lolcats" actually have anything to do with cats? Or is it more like a slang system?  (honestly clueless)


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## Wagimawr (Jan 3, 2008)

lolcats = http://icanhascheezburger.com/

INTERNET MOAR


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## Suze (Jan 3, 2008)

First off... I dont think I deserve special treatment and Im not exactly new. I dont need anyones sympathy, there was a reason why I used this "" icon, folks.



EtobicokeFA said:


> Correct me if I am wrong but your statement was that geek and fat people can only get together by settling for each other.
> 
> I am sorry, I just can't see how stating that, is honest or even factual.
> 
> At the most it shows that you have a low opinion of geeks, fat people or both.



Im not saying its the norm. But it does happen.
Im glad people dont settle for eich other in most cases. If they did the world would be a pretty unromantic place. 



TraciJo67 said:


> Your reality is not everyone's, Susie.


I'm fully aware of that. Thats why I typed: *I* think..



> For the record, I don't think that geeks and BBW have to "settle" for each other. That's quite a callous way of looking at the world, and it's not how attraction works.
> 
> People "settle" for each other all the time -- thin, fat, beautiful, deformed, etc. There are a lot of reasons why this happens, and it's not restricted to any one type of person (though all likely share characteristics of low self-esteem).



I have not LOTS of experience. But Ive seen people staying with their partner because they are afraid of ending up alone. Ive also have (both skinny and fat) friends who never seem to find the right guy because they feel that there is just one type of guys that are attracted by them, which they dont find attractive.




> I'm not offended in the slightest. I just don't happen to agree with your assessment.



I'm glad you're not offended, cause it sounds like it.



Sandie_Zitkus said:


> But it's simply not true - in any context. Are you fat? And if so do you think the men you have been with have only been with you because you're fat and they couldn't get anyone better???
> 
> You know what I think about the men I've been with??? They're lucky I gave them a second look - becaue I'm special and they couldn't do much better!
> 
> And the men? Fabulous - wonderful men who each brought something amazing into my life and my life is better from knowing them. And they ALL taught me something.



Yes, I am.
I have never dated a fa so if you're asking for experience in that field i'm clueless! 
But every relationship Ive had has been based on equal attraction. I would never choose to be with a guy just because I'm so "damn lucky" because he happens to like me. (or vice versa.)




This is not my words but I think it is something to take into consideration.

-Why are there so many single bbws? Could it have something to do with them looking for something else?


And smushy, I agree. I think that men here can say offensive things and get away with it a lot easier.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Jan 3, 2008)

susieQ said:


> This is not my words but I think it is something to take into consideration.



No you are right...in that this is a reality in some cases and although not politically correct to throw out there as -another- angle, it does happen and exist...and far too often actually. This is just real to admit...although again it won't be everyone's view or the way they go about relationships.

By saying this exists certainly does *NOT* mean that male FAs and plus-sized women can't be together or want to be together because they truly want and desire each other and aren't settling.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that either because it's based on illusion. That's not ideal no matter how accessible someone might seem to establish "a relationship" with because if ever the other person gets a chance to have true leverage and live the way they want, which includes attracting the people they truly find attractive, then they will abandon previous or current choices they've made which includes partnerships, marriages and even friendships.

I guess this comes down to be a complex and manifold topic.

In some cases, the attraction we see in these circles can come from outsiders meeting outsiders and "settling" for one another because there's a rebellion against conforming, modifying themselves and moving into the mainstream (which one or both partners might actually desire to get the kind of person they are attracted to but deny).

But then it was mentioned that uber geeks/gamers/etc (in a traditional sense) and outsider types can still be like any other mainstream guy....preferring and desiring thin women and not ever developing any FA attractions, thus just being a trad. geek does not automatically make someone settle or develop into an FA to "get what they can get". So that complicates the perception of a pattern.

In many cases, this could be because some of the people who often fit in or find attraction and belonging in these subculture groups aren't much for superficiality and conventional ways of thinking which breeds this unspoken dyed-in-the-wool standard for "mainstream beauty". Context wise, this would be less or not about settling, but more about truly liking what reflects your style and mentality which shapes your tastes. Standing on your own and liking what you like.

There are a variety of things to consider for this topic of discussion which is why it is interesting and it has room for great debate and sharing of experiences...and perhaps revelations...either about self or the society around us.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 3, 2008)

> Yes, I am.
> I have never dated a fa so if you're asking for experience in that field i'm clueless!
> But every relationship I’ve had has been based on equal attraction. I would never choose to be with a guy just because I'm so "damn lucky" because he happens to like me. (or vice versa.)



OK I'm done. I really don't think you get it - but whatever.


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## Edens_heel (Jan 3, 2008)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> There are a variety of things to consider for this topic of discussion which is why it is interesting and it has room for great debate and sharing of experiences...and perhaps revelations...either about self or the society around us.



Agreed. But one point of contention I wanted to throw in quick as the OP - Smushygirl on page 3 mentioned that the thread itself was positing an insulting query to begin with. I guess I don't see that at all - I see it as more just inquiring if anyone else has noticed that more geeks appear to be FA's than other subcultures, and if so, why might that be. 

I do agree though, that settling on a partner in -any- context is grossly offensive and those who do it, quite frankly I pity them. I don't believe anyone here has done that and I know that I never will have to. I'm with my fiancee because she is everything I've ever wanted in a person. A true geek through and through, just like me. It just so happens that she's also my physical ideal too, and not many can say that so I count myself as incredibly lucky.

I think this topic has kind of runaway with itself and, while I don't agree with all of Susie's comments (i do agree that some FA's may be that way because they are settling or taking advantage - perhaps not in an outwardly malicious way, but still - but I interpreted her comments as saying that most FA's are like that and THAT I do not agree with), I respect what she has to say, but I do not see this thread as offensive on any level, and I hope that wasn't seen as the case.

Cheers.


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## alienlanes (Jan 3, 2008)

tres huevos said:


> I think FAs know what they are fairly early and it's one of those attributes that immediately makes them feel different from their peers, and thus maybe more receptive to exploring other paths in life in general. All of the above categories are marked by obsessiveness, something that's also nurtured by outsider status.
> 
> Maybe artists can be added to this list? Or maybe their preferences are just more open to the general public... I remember in art school I gave my dad a drawing I was proud of as a present, a figure study of a BBW model we'd had in class. He was appreciative, but asked me (or maybe the universe in general), "Why are all artists so into fat women?"*
> 
> (* For the record, dad isn't an FA but is FA-friendly. I believe it was legitimate curiosity!)



Great post, TH. I think you're right to add artists to the list (I'd add musicians, too) -- I've noticed that a disproportionate number of the guys on Dims are creatives of one type or another, and I've always wondered why that might be.

Your first paragraph is a spot-on description of my own experience. The sense of "outsiderness" can be painful, but it can also be a positive influence -- I went to a very tiny high school where there were literally no BBWs that I might have dated, and the fact that I didn't really care about impressing any of the girls I went to school with gave me a lot of freedom to do my own thing without getting caught up in the status quo.



susieQ said:


> I still believe that many guys convince themselves that they are FA because their lack of self esteem, though.



Ehh. What bothers me about this statement is the implication that being an FA is a voluntary thing. In my experience -- and, as far as I know, in the experience of most of the other guys on Dims -- an FA is something you _are_, not something you can choose to be or not to be. (If that weren't true, there wouldn't be "closet FAs.")

It's true, of course, that not every guy who dates fat chicks is an FA. In an imperfect world there are going to be nerdy guys who date fat women because they (the guys) think that they have to "settle," and sleazy guys who date fat women because they think they're "easy." But how many of them self-identify as FAs? And how many of those guys actually get turned on by their partners?


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Jan 3, 2008)

SlackerFA said:


> It's true, of course, that not every guy who dates fat chicks is an FA. In an imperfect world there are going to be nerdy guys who date fat women because they (the guys) think that they have to "settle," and sleazy guys who date fat women because they think they're "easy." But how many of them self-identify as FAs? And how many of those guys actually get turned on by their partners?



That's a good point and I think this goes back to defining what an FA is for many or what being an FA stands for...or even should stand for.

For example, I don't see guys who "use fat chicks" as FA's...normally because I think that fatness for some can just be about accessibility and being able to easily indulge one's sexual desires and some people (in this frame of mind) are less picky about sexual conquests...it becomes just about the lay so to speak. For that guy that was described in the "in your face closeted FA"...I don't know him or the situation entirely, but based on what was said, I find him to just be another "fat fucker" rather than what i define as an FA....a guy who *naturally* (not hopelessly) likes and more so prefers full-figured body types and see this as the ideal...even if he is shy about viewpoints from friends and family.

But some people believe a label can apply to or be anything at any time therefore taking away any ability it has to define or recognize something as a distinction.

So again, I guess the definition of FA (although it's been discussed before, on its own) needs to be brought into this discussion too...especially if various viewpoints are to be understood. Some people might be totally coming from different definitions.


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## Suze (Jan 3, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> OK I'm done. I really don't think you get it - but whatever.



Explain it then… I’m really sorry for my ignorance (Or whatever.)



Edens_heel said:


> I think this topic has kind of runaway with itself and, while I don't agree with all of Susie's comments (i do agree that some FA's may be that way because they are settling or taking advantage - perhaps not in an outwardly malicious way, but still - *but I interpreted her comments as saying that most FA's are like that and THAT I do not agree with*), I respect what she has to say, but I do not see this thread as offensive on any level, and I hope that wasn't seen as the case.
> 
> Cheers.



I believe I said "many" not "most"… It’s a difference there, right?
Maybe I should have said "some". Any who, I believe they exist.


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## Suze (Jan 3, 2008)

SlackerFA said:


> Ehh. What bothers me about this statement is the implication that being an FA is a voluntary thing. In my experience -- and, as far as I know, in the experience of most of the other guys on Dims -- an FA is something you _are_, not something you can choose to be or not to be. (If that weren't true, there wouldn't be "closet FAs.")
> 
> It's true, of course, that not every guy who dates fat chicks is an FA. In an imperfect world there are going to be nerdy guys who date fat women because they (the guys) think that they have to "settle," and sleazy guys who date fat women because they think they're "easy." But how many of them self-identify as FAs? And how many of those guys actually get turned on by their partners?



Does *Many = Everybody* or have I missed something?
I'm not saying that _every_ FA out there are like that. I guess you are not a "true" FA if you have to convince yourself that you are one. 
I do however think there is a possibility that there are SOME guys who convince themselves that they like fat chicks because they don't think they can get any better. Because society look at fat chicks and geeky guys as "the less unfortunate" ones.


----------



## Paul Delacroix (Jan 4, 2008)

susieQ said:


> I seams like you guys misunderstand me on purpose.
> 
> I think I'm going to leave this as it is because I'm really not keen on excuse myself more than I already have.



No, not really--an offensive statement is an offensive statement. You're painting 'geeks' and FAs and BBWs collectively as losers. I think even on a non-FA bulletin board you would ruffle some feathers doing that.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 4, 2008)

susieQ said:


> Explain it then Im really sorry for my ignorance (Or whatever.).



Susie I have said what I mean. You still seem to be determined to say geeks and bbw's settle for each other. Even saying "many" not most is an insult to every fat woman/man and FA on this board.

And yet you persist in saying "but that's the way it is". It simply is not that way. Many people settle - in relationships - but to single out fat people and nerds is sizest.

I can't get any plainer than that.


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## Forgotten_Futures (Jan 4, 2008)

Put in the simplest sense, it's not an FA relationship if it's settling. It's a relationship of convenience. Just because you're willing to settle with a BBW doesn't make you an FA, any more than claiming to be an FA and dating a skinny chick makes you a hypocrite...

"FA" is a broad-spectrum and frequently misused word. FA means Fat Admirer. Not Craver. Not Obesessionist. Not Must Have Or Else. It means one has a keen appreciation of the fuller figured woman. There's degrees of it, just like there's degrees of everything else. If you're just going with the fat woman because she's a woman, you're probably not admiring her fatness. So let's stop saying that FA's settle for fat women. Because FA's don't settle for fat women. They may settle for skinny women, and no that does not mean all FA/skinny chick relationships are "settlings". They may also settle for Fat Woman C because Fat Woman A doesn't like them, and Fat Woman B is already taken. They like all 3, but it's still essentially settling, but not settling for a fat women, just settling for a woman (who happens to be fat, but in the context that's irrelevant).

Likewise, just because you admire something doesn't mean you can't live without it. Yes, I think women with fat on them in places I like to see it are attractive. I also think skinnier women are attractive, if they're built to my personal "specs". I admire fat women, and I admire skinny women. I am an FA. If I date a skinny girl, it isn't settling insofar as weight is concerned, same with a fat girl. It may be settling for the girl, but then, weight will be irrelevant by context.

And that whole thing probably made no sense = P.


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 4, 2008)

susieQ said:


> I'm glad you're not offended, cause it sounds like it.



I'm not a fat woman, and my husband is not a geek. It isn't an insult that I take personally -- and in fact, wasn't irritated until I read the 'dogpile on poor me' comments. 

You've elaborated, and I think I understand what you're saying -- perhaps it was just poorly worded. I agree, some people 'settle' ... for a variety of really unhealthy reasons. I wouldn't expect to see a higher statistical percentage among geeks & BBW's, though.


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## UMBROBOYUM (Jan 4, 2008)

What an interesting topic. I think I shall add my two cents. I don't know if I fit into the nerd/geek category, but I'm definetly a gamer as I had played World of Warcraft and FPS's since the dawn of time with wolfenstien(sp?). I'm an FA and I'm very open about it. 

I used to play a lot of Mechwarrior and Battletech. I'm a PC gamer more than anything. So as to keep on topic I am a Gamer and FA. 

I also draw BBWs for fun http://umbroboy.deviantart.com , compose music, and create and edit films. 

-Jon


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 4, 2008)

susieQ said:


> *I* think that many FA are geeks/nerds because fat chicks are considered less attractive...the geeky guys have a much better chance of hooking up with them because of this. The girls choose to be with them because they don’t think they can get any better. I think that a lot of fat girls aren’t attracted to their partners appearance.
> 
> Nerds are often (adds) considered less attractive.
> 
> ...



Susie,

It makes me very sad that you feel this way. The only possible way that I can see someone feeling this way is if they, themselves, felt that fat girls were inferior, and didn't deserve the very best. 

I would never, ever date someone who was "settling" for dating me. If they don't genuinely think I'm absolutely the most beautiful, intelligent, fascinating woman on earth, they don't deserve to be with me. 

From the other side, I do not "settle" for geeks. I adore them. Why? Because they, like me, tend to be more educated, well-read, and ambitious. And believe me when I tell you there are plenty of good-looking geeks out there. wubu: Nick). I would be settling if I dated a man who could not carry on an articulate, intellectual conversation with me, who could not teach me something new regularly, and who could not make me laugh with his razor-sharp wit. Many consider intellectuals geeky - I consider them sexy as hell. I would also never date a man to whom I was not enormously attracted. I expect - and get - the entire package. 

In life, you get what *you think* you deserve. I only hope one day you can find the confidence you need, Susie. You deserve that - and a lot more.


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## duraznos (Jan 4, 2008)

I haven't noticed any of these trends myself, but I've only just noticed FAs at all... but is it only geeks into science/math/sci-fi and stuff like that? Not that there's anything wrong with that stuff, but aren't there any FAs that are grammar nerds like me?


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 4, 2008)

Oh no, there are literary geeks as well. They're my favorite. :wubu:


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## duraznos (Jan 4, 2008)

hehe good to know


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## swordchick (Jan 4, 2008)

I love the questions that susieq asked. These are some of things that my single BBW friends and I have chatted about. I do not find what susieq said to be offensive nor did she says all geeks and BBWs. It is an opinion, just like every statement in this thread. When I read her first post, I knew exactly what she was saying. I do not find susieq to be insecure. We have different experiences in life.

I also agree with what smushygirl said. 




susieQ said:


> -Why are there so many single bbws? Could it have something to do with them looking for something else?
> 
> 
> And smushy, I agree. I think that men here can say offensive things and get away with it a lot easier.


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## Suze (Jan 5, 2008)

Paul Delacroix said:


> No, not really--an offensive statement is an offensive statement. You're painting 'geeks' and FAs and BBWs collectively as losers. I think even on a non-FA bulletin board you would ruffle some feathers doing that.


You’re sure that isn’t just a tiny exaggeration? 
It should be pretty obvious that I don’t mean it that way. You are blowing up my words.


Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Susie I have said what I mean. You still seem to be determined to say geeks and bbw's settle for each other. Even saying "many" not most is an insult to every fat woman/man and FA on this board.
> 
> And yet you persist in saying "but that's the way it is". It simply is not that way. Many people settle - in relationships - but to single out fat people and nerds is sizest.
> 
> I can't get any plainer than that.


I have never said that bbw’s and fa’s have to "settle" for each other in any of my posts. I believe you were the one who started using the word "settle", actually. 
I can’t find a place in this thread where I say this exclusively happens to fa and bbw’s. So I don’t know where you have that from.



BigBeautifulMe said:


> Susie,
> 
> It makes me very sad that you feel this way. The only possible way that I can see someone feeling this way is if they, themselves, felt that fat girls were inferior, and didn't deserve the very best.
> 
> ...



Nahh… I don’t believe I’m more insecure than the normal person.
I wasn’t referring to myself in any of this. I was sharing an opinion of some of the things I observe around me. 
Thanks for not jumping on me, but you really don’t have to feel sorry for me or anything. In fact, I’m doing just fine.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Jan 5, 2008)

Ojiryojoji said:


> Besides myself, the vast majority of my friends that are geeky in one way or another seem to be after exactly what everyone else tells them they should be after. That of course is apparently a "magical" class of women that are very well endowed on the top and the bottom, but somehow the process that endowed them magically must have skipped the middle and all other areas. Shun any "real" women! Shuuuuuuuun!
> 
> And people think that those of us who like women the big girls are crazy, but atleast we arent chasing after mysterious and mythical creatures. While they search endlessly and futilely Im just going to have a seat, and enjoy the company of all the real and tangible women. Women of "substance". ;D




Yeah. If gamers and fantasy geeks were really by and large FA types, the I don't think that Barbarrella and the generic scantily clad girl clinging to the buff sword-weilding guy on the cover of the dimestore sword and sorcery novel would have such petite figures.


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## Mack27 (Jan 5, 2008)

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm 

View attachment deadpoolbertha.jpg


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## Fascinita (Jan 6, 2008)

Edens_heel said:


> if the media bias and social preconceptions on beauty were not there, that more men would probably desire a plus sized woman.



Cold comfort. If I lived in a town made of chocolate, life would be nicer, too. Also, the media is not some monster that landed among us and is terrorizing us. The media is us. Some of us don't feel it reflects us fully. Some of us want to change it; but it's still us. We, many of us, don't like ourselves as we are. It's hard work to accept oneself fully, given that we live in a culture where competition to rise above individually is the almost sole force blindly driving our progress. Unless we're emotionally strong, secure in ourselves, we're going to be inclined to look around to see the ways in which we fall short of the competition. That's the nature of competitiveness: you measure yourself against others. We end up thinking we're too fat, or too thin, or not pretty/handsome enough, or that we don't have enough money, etc. And it's the nature of the media to show us our extremes--that's the nature of "news"--if it weren't grotestque, or alarming, or outrageous, or outstanding, or provocative, or tear-jerking, it would be business-as-usual, not newsworthy. I don't believe it's possible to say that "if the media bias were not there," things would be better for fat people (not just women, thank you.) To me, your statement is like saying: "If we weren't ourselves, we could be more like not-ourselves."

I do, however, appreciate the sentiment I see at the heart of your post.


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## Jes (Jan 6, 2008)

susieQ said:


> *I* think that many FA are geeks/nerds because fat chicks are considered less attractive...the geeky guys have a much better chance of hooking up with them because of this. The girls choose to be with them because they don’t think they can get any better. I think that a lot of fat girls aren’t attracted to their partners appearance.
> 
> Nerds are often (adds) considered less attractive.
> 
> ...



i haven't read this whole thread, but I think there's some truth here. MANY people believe in the 'league' theory (as in: in my league, out of my league). I do, to some extent. And I think groups that are marginalized socially, groups that are discounted (or that discount themselves), can become kindred spirits. They're either excluded from certain social experiences, and/or they exclude themselves,a nd then they're all sitting around while other people go to the dance, or go to the big party after the football game, etc. And while those are high school examples, that stuff all carries on way past high school. And that's why we model a lot of fat functions after those sorts of things (case in point: the school-themed dances and events at this year's Philly Bash). Many of us missed those things in HS. I think that when you're excluded, you begin to have a different worldview, and to get along with other people who are similarly NOT mainstreamed. And, I also think there can be self-esteem issues going on, and lack-of-choice motivations (I had several fat friends in HS who were asked out by guys who were clearly gay, and closeted. They said yes because they wanted to appear like everyone else--dating and with a social life. I never said yes to the gay guys wanting to be my BF). I think that happens witht he rest of hte population too, but we shouldn't pretend it doesn't happen in geeky or fattie communities.


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## k1009 (Jan 6, 2008)

I missed a good old argument? Shoot me now.

Another thing to consider, location, location, location. I know where Susie lives and I'm also sort of friends with some lovely people from one of her neighbours. We got into a rather frank discussion one night about fat and other deep things and they admitted after a little prodding a few things that made me feel a bit sad. They weren't being malacious, just stating the facts, you know? It was generally agreed amongst them that lack of fat people has resulted in this attitude. I see it here in no fat people, no FA land, the little part of the world I like to call eastern sydney. 

I think, sometimes, that a board that's so America-centric tends to forget about the rest of the world. We have it bad out here. People hate our fat, we're told we're going to die of some hideous disease, the men that do want us fat chicks lack even the most basic of social graces, decent clothes are difficult to find. Need I go on? 

So spare a thought for the rest of us. I would be happy to have a geek hit on me! It would be a step up! and I'm honestly not that bad a catch.


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## Suze (Jan 6, 2008)

^ True.

I just want to add this before I leave this thread.

Apparently, everyone takes the stuff I said differently. If people want to interpret the things I wrote in the most offending way as friggin possible then go ahead. Have fun with it! Twist my words. Insult me. Blame ME because of your shitty day at work.

But to be honest, Im pretty sure all of you are perfectly aware that I dont think every FA or BBW are ugly, pathetic losers. That would be really stupid considering that I care about a lot of people on this board and are big myself.

"Thanks for me" (directly translated from where I come from)


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 6, 2008)

k1009 said:


> I think, sometimes, that a board that's so America-centric tends to forget about the rest of the world. We have it bad out here. People hate our fat, we're told we're going to die of some hideous disease, the men that do want us fat chicks lack even the most basic of social graces, decent clothes are difficult to find. Need I go on?



I know it sometimes SEEMS as though it's different here in the US, but really it's not. I have to mail order all my clothes, the only two men that have ever hit on me in person in my hometown were a) a stalker, and b) a drug dealer , we're also constantly barraged with anti-obesity media campaigns (and personal "campaigns" from our friends), and yes, we are stared at in disgust, and have people say hateful things to us on a regular basis.

I lived in Spain for six months, and the only difference between there and here for me was that people had never seen someone my size, so they would stop in their tracks and openly stare at me as I walk by. Here in the US, they'll just avert their gaze and pretend I don't exist. 

Why do you think Dims exists?  These things happen everywhere, and Dims is our chance to create our own little insular community. I AM fortunate, though, that I can travel to a bash with just a reaaaaaalllly long car ride (or a short flight, if I could actually afford that). I definitely do not take that for granted. 

Hugs, K. I know exactly how you feel.


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## Smushygirl (Jan 6, 2008)

k1009 said:


> I think, sometimes, that a board that's so America-centric tends to forget about the rest of the world. We have it bad out here. *People hate our fat, we're told we're going to die of some hideous disease, the men that do want us fat chicks lack even the most basic of social graces*, decent clothes are difficult to find.



Not much different here in America, I'm afraid.


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## k1009 (Jan 6, 2008)

Good reality check, guys .

I think sometimes, coming here I tend to think American board=America loves fat! Jealousy, I think, and my own bitterness. Tends to give a person tunnel vision.


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## swordchick (Jan 6, 2008)

No worry! I think that many non-Americans feel that America is some fatty mecca. I have seen so many strong people in the plus size movement around the world. 


We just need get you and Susie here so you can attend some bashes.




k1009 said:


> Good reality check, guys .
> 
> I think sometimes, coming here I tend to think American board=America loves fat! Jealousy, I think, and my own bitterness. Tends to give a person tunnel vision.


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## Nerdzilla (Jan 9, 2008)

Geeks? Where, I'll murderise them.... *cough* What?


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## Silversnake418 (Jan 9, 2008)

I read comics and am in the marching band... yeah


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