# Meeting an FFA's parents?



## Tad (Jun 19, 2014)

Just curious for those who have been there--introducing your BHM boyfriend to parents, or being the guy being introduced, what have your experiences been? Any good stories out of it, or have parents been pretty accepting?

Of for those who haven't been through this, what are your hopes, fears, and expectations around it?

(I never really got to full BHM size, and certainly wasn't when I first met my wife's parents, so I have nothing on this one from a personal perspective).


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## biglynch (Jun 19, 2014)

My first girlfriend was Italian and her family was unbelievably good. Her mother was a great cook and used to fill me up on sausages and pasta. Italian families i think seem to embrace bigger guys. Sure she would tease me a bit, but was meant in a nice way. Her dad was a real nice guy too.

the second parents i would refrain from comment. I cant say anything nice.


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## lille (Jun 19, 2014)

I'm a little nervous about this. My boyfriend is meeting my parents in August and he's the first real BHM I've dated. I don't think they'd be rude or anything but they do occasionally make comments about people in public and drive me crazy harping about my weight (I'm 5'2" and at my heaviest I was 135). And because all the pictures I have of us together are selfies they've only seen pictures of him from the shoulders up, which I mean you can tell he's a big guy in the pictures still, but it's not the same.


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## Amaranthine (Jun 19, 2014)

I dread this. My mom would be fine - my dad...wouldn't insult someone to their face, I don't think. 

Back in high school, I started dating someone who was probably just shy of 200lbs, and I heard my dad making comments to my mom about him. They hated him overall, though, so that surely didn't help. 

They may have figured out the last person I was dating, or at least realized I was close to them - and I got a very indirect weight-related comment there. I know for sure my Dad would think I was insane if I brought someone of my ideal size range home. I assume he'd just not talk to them, and then make comments to my mom. 

The only relationships of mine they've been aware of since HS were the ones that got mentioned on FB - and both of those were extremely brief/not worthwhile. Considering I'm not concerned about marriage or starting a family...I'm pretty okay with the cowardly, passive method of avoiding the problem altogether.


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## ODFFA (Jun 19, 2014)

I feel rather lucky in this regard.....although......after the way I was dumped by my ex-husband, I'm a little reluctant to introduce _any_ man to my parents.

But, back to the question at hand. They are both fully aware of my FFAism, and so is my brother. My dad wouldn't care about anyone's weight. My mom may very likely say something like "I know you have a fondness for chubby guys, but....that's a little too much though, don't you think?"

I have gotten that in the past and, not to sound rude, but I would only let her get away with a comment like that about a particular person once. I know it'd stem from concern - for everyone - and a general fear of societal scorn. But she knows better than to keep pushing the issue once I've shown her that I'm not prepared to feel bad about being with said person. She also won't think any less of someone for his weight. I don't think a potential partner of mine will be made to experience any tensions or subtle disapproval because of his size :happy:


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## MrSensible (Jun 19, 2014)

Just the thought of this scenario playing out has always intimidated the living shit out of me. I've always been kind of old school in the sense that I want parents to like me, and it bothers me to think that I could do everything right, but still not get their blessing simply because of my body type. 

If and when that day comes, I'll do what needs to be done of course (and hope for the best), but I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't truly disappoint me to feel isolated or possibly even looked at with contempt by her family; especially when it's for reasons that are largely irrational/unjustified.


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## ffaboots (Jun 19, 2014)

A story to give you some hope--years ago, I was nervous about introducing my 400+ pound boyfriend (at the time) to my grandmother, because she was obsessed with weight. She was always on a diet, and often chided me about getting fat. So I wasn't sure what she'd say about meeting this huge guy. But after they were introduced, as soon as he walked away, she watched him go, then pointed at his back and stage-whispered to me, "_VERY_ handsome," and never said a word about his weight. Such a pleasant surprise!


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## loopytheone (Jun 20, 2014)

Well my mother and my ex never actually met but they spoke online a few times and through creeping on my laptop screen she had actually seen him shirtless a couple of times. My ex was about 5'7 and 450 lbs, so a big guy. My mother would make comments to me sometimes but she harps on about my weight so I just ignored her. She never said anything to him about it the times she did talk to him, though to be honest she was never that fond of him in general due to the way he treated me at times, which is understandable. 

My other 'parent' figure would be my sister and she couldn't care less if I brought home the equivalent of a mountain as long as he treated me properly. She is protective but physical appearance doesn't even enter her radar. 

...I've never had the chance to actually invite a guy to my house though....


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jun 20, 2014)

Some of your parents sound like really gross people.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 23, 2014)

My parents would NEVER, EVER even think of being the way some of you're describing. They're VERY welcoming and don't have presets for who they approve and disapprove of. (unless you have a tattoo of a swastika on your forehead - they're not very down with that, but they will still be cordial). My sisters and I have lifelong friends that have great relationships with my parents. We're fortunate.

I feel bad for you all.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Jun 23, 2014)

Surlysomething said:


> My parents would NEVER, EVER even think of being the way some of you're describing. They're VERY welcoming and don't have presets for who they approve and disapprove of. (unless you have a tattoo of a swastika on your forehead - they're not very down with that, but they will still be cordial). My sisters and I have lifelong friends that have great relationships with my parents. We're fortunate.
> 
> I feel bad for you all.



That's because you're Canadian. Everything Canadian is better. 

How's your sister by the way


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## Surlysomething (Jun 23, 2014)

True.

And which one? Haha




Hozay J Garseeya said:


> That's because you're Canadian. Everything Canadian is better.
> 
> How's your sister by the way


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## Esther (Jun 23, 2014)

Surlysomething said:


> My parents would NEVER, EVER even think of being the way some of you're describing. They're VERY welcoming and don't have presets for who they approve and disapprove of. (unless you have a tattoo of a swastika on your forehead - they're not very down with that, but they will still be cordial). My sisters and I have lifelong friends that have great relationships with my parents. We're fortunate.
> 
> I feel bad for you all.



^^ This.
My parents are rad. They'd never be shits to any man I brought home who treats me right.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Jun 23, 2014)

Surlysomething said:


> True.
> 
> And which one? Haha



The one you say is bad for me


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Jun 23, 2014)

The first time I met, what I would consider my first serious girlfriend's, parents was pretty great. 

I had already spoken to her father on the phone and exchanged messages on bookface. Meeting them in person was lovely. 

I love them like my own family even though the relationship is no longer. I do have a wonderful friendship with the ex-girlfriend, and a wonderful friendship with her father, who I think is one of the funniest people I know.


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jun 23, 2014)

Man,What's that like? I have one ex gf I talk to and it took me years to be able to do so. She also happens to work at bar that I frequent. I think it also helps that her life sucks and her boyfriend is a loser. (I'm all for karmic vengeance) Generally all my breakups end with them hating me or me wishing they'd get hit by a random swinging anvil.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 23, 2014)

He makes me laugh a lot too. Good peoples.



Hozay J Garseeya said:


> her father, who I think is one of the funniest people I know.


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## Anjula (Jun 23, 2014)

My parents were always weird about it. They were never rude to any of my boyfriends, that's for sure, more of a playful teasing but that's not the point. They always told me I can do better and they just couldn't understand the fact that I like it. When I was younger even my brother was weird about it. They tried to send me to psychologist, told me it can be treated and shit like this. I'm pretty sure they fully understood that I like fat when I stated dating one guy who was 500lbs. Oh and they also said that I date fat guys to be cool and different. Luckily I never cared or shared any deep bound with anyone but my grandma and even tho she hates fat ppl she was always supportive as long as the guy was good to me.

Now everyone is finally ok with it. Few weeks ago I met my brother and around 15 of his male friends and as they stared askig if I'm single and stuff he shut them up saying I only date really fat guys. That was really cute actually &#128513; as for my parents they are ok with it now and I'm really having a great period in life. Everyone around me know what I like and even when my housemates are teasing me I know they are and will be extremely nice to Kuba and all the fat guys I bring home &#128513;


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## Tad (Jun 24, 2014)

Sorry to read the rough stories, but great to see some good ones, too.

I've always wondered if, in broad strokes, male and female FA would face different reactions to their preferences. Obviously differences in families would be the dominant issue over all, which is all I can really see here. I suppose you'd need a lot larger sample with more detailed questions to start picking out any trends (differences or lack thereof).

My experiences in this general area are more as a male FA, and at that my wife was reasonably thin when we first met, but was into plus sizes by the time we married. I did get a quiet word or two from my mom, before we were engaged, suggesting that maybe I should broaden my experience (she was my first serious girlfriend) but the real implication was that they thought I could do better, and this only really came up as she got heavier.

But then, not too long after we got married, she lived with them for three months while on a work placement as part of her master's degree, and after that they were converts, and quite willing to defend her size (sadly I think they just decided that she was a 'good fattie' who was active and ate well, without losing their overall prejudice). Still, I think this is so often the key, once you get to know somebody as a person you stop seeing them just as their most obvious external features, or something like that.

Anyway, I hope more people will chime in


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## Surlysomething (Jun 24, 2014)

She's still a hot mess.

Damn, I love that girl. 




Hozay J Garseeya said:


> The one you say is bad for me


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## ODFFA (Jun 24, 2014)

Tad said:


> ~Snip~
> Still, I think this is so often the key, once you get to know somebody as a person you stop seeing them just as their most obvious external features, or something like that.
> 
> Anyway, I hope more people will chime in



So much this! 

One other possible factor - if the folks are aware of an FA's preference - is that they might have some FA myth-concerns. My mom brought one of those up, and if she hadn't I would have been oblivious.

She once straight-up told me "I'm afraid you're attracted to big guys because you think skinnier men are incapable of being genuinely caring people and treating you well. You know being chubby doesn't automatically make a guy a non-asshole, right?"

We had a good talk, and it led to her realising that my attraction wasn't based on that at all. I will never forget how her eyes widened when she realised it's really just a sexual and romantic attraction my brain and I refuse to try to 'overcome'. It wasn't like bad eye-widening. It seemed more like she was thinking "Oh wow. That really happens? You genuinely are just.... _attracted_ to them, huh." It was a really great moment. Think it brought us both some relief.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Jun 24, 2014)

ODFFA said:


> So much this!
> 
> One other possible factor - if the folks are aware of an FA's preference - is that they might have some FA myth-concerns. My mom brought one of those up, and if she hadn't I would have been oblivious.
> 
> ...



I have no doubt in my mind that she is looking forward to meeting me.


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## Esther (Jun 24, 2014)

I believe that my family is aware of my preference (it must be obvious due to the type of guys I bring home) but not one of them has said anything about it besides my younger sister. They're all too weirded out by the thought of family members having sex or being sexually attracted to anyone/thing at all to make a peep. It's like a "Don't know, don't wanna know," thing. To be perfectly honest, I am creeped out by that shit too and NEVER talk to my siblings about sex/preferences. I can't be the only one with a family like this?!


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jun 24, 2014)

I just don't get why this is such a big deal. No pun intended.


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## Esther (Jun 24, 2014)

I think it's a bigger deal for most parents when the person you're bringing home is very big, or if you are the very big person being brought home.


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## Lil BigginZ (Jun 24, 2014)

Esther said:


> I believe that my family is aware of my preference (it must be obvious due to the type of guys I bring home) but not one of them has said anything about it besides my younger sister. They're all too weirded out by the thought of family members having sex or being sexually attracted to anyone/thing at all to make a peep. It's like a "Don't know, don't wanna know," thing. To be perfectly honest, I am creeped out by that shit too and NEVER talk to my siblings about sex/preferences. I can't be the only one with a family like this?!



I have 3 older sisters and I don't talk about sex related things with my sisters. Thats just gonna be awkward. lol. I do have plenty of nephews who are around my age that I consider to be my brothers. We talk about everything imaginable.


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## loopytheone (Jun 24, 2014)

I have never spoken to my family members about sex related things. And frankly I am glad of that. I just don't want to know about those sort of things! 

I'm pretty sure both my mother and my sister know the type of person I find attractive though. ...well, maybe not. Considering that in terms of serious relationships I only have one data point and you can't really draw a conclusion from that...


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## lucca23v2 (Jun 24, 2014)

Ha ha.. in my house it was the opposite.. my mother would wait until I walked away to ask the guys (all 5 of them that they met) if they were sure they wanted to date me! My mother.. I swear she was so different. She would tell them, "that is a lot of women, and I am not referring to her size..."

My mother, she had a really wicked, acerbic sense of humor. I loved her.


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## djudex (Jun 24, 2014)

It's funny the differences in families...I think it was about 8 years ago my brother, sister and I were sitting in the living room and she started asking him for blowjob advice. Not particularly abnormal believe it or not, at least amongst us siblings.


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## Esther (Jun 25, 2014)

djudex said:


> It's funny the differences in families...I think it was about 8 years ago my brother, sister and I were sitting in the living room and she started asking him for blowjob advice. Not particularly abnormal believe it or not, at least amongst us siblings.



Hahaha.
I would fucking DIE if anyone in my family said the word 'blowjob' around me!


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## Melian (Jun 25, 2014)

My parents would never insult my guy's weight.....they were always too busy insulting them for other reasons.

"What is he - a fucking vampire?"

"You know what those tattoos are gonna look like when he's 60?"

"With all that metal in his face it's amazing he doesn't get a lot of infections."

*regarding black metal t-shirts* "What does that even say? How good can a band be when you can't read their name?"

This was my life until I moved out.


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## biglynch (Jun 25, 2014)

djudex said:


> It's funny the differences in families...I think it was about 8 years ago my brother, sister and I were sitting in the living room and she started asking him for blowjob advice. Not particularly abnormal believe it or not, at least amongst us siblings.





Esther said:


> Hahaha.
> I would fucking DIE if anyone in my family said the word 'blowjob' around me!



not so much an ex but a chumette, her nan asked me does she give you lollypop loving's. I nearly died.


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## lucca23v2 (Jun 25, 2014)

biglynch said:


> not so much an ex but a chumette, her nan asked me does she give you lollypop loving's. I nearly died.



lol.. I LOVE that! I am going to use it from now on....


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## BigChaz (Jun 25, 2014)

The last time I was with a girl, both her mom and dad were crying when they met me. Let me tell you, it doesn't feel so great when a girl's parents are crying at just the sight of you. To make matters worse, the rest of her family was there too and just shaking their heads like "how could you", "how dare you". It was fucking bullshit. What did I do to them deserve those attitudes? I was dressed to the nines. I had my hair done up. I was being as polite and understanding to everyone there as I possibly could, but nope! I'm fat! FUCK ME, RIGHT?!

So fuck it. I decided to cut my losses. I closed the casket and left and never looked back.


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## MrSensible (Jun 25, 2014)

BigChaz said:


> The last time I was with a girl, both her mom and dad were crying when they met me. Let me tell you, it doesn't feel so great when a girl's parents are crying at just the sight of you. To make matters worse, the rest of her family was there too and just shaking their heads like "how could you", "how dare you". It was fucking bullshit. What did I do to them deserve those attitudes? I was dressed to the nines. I had my hair done up. I was being as polite and understanding to everyone there as I possibly could, but nope! I'm fat! FUCK ME, RIGHT?!
> 
> So fuck it. I decided to cut my losses. I closed the casket and left and never looked back.



Jesus, you sure there wasn't a recent death in the family that they didn't tell you about or something? That kind of reaction is ridiculous in that context; irrational fat aversions or not.

All in all, I'd say things probably turned out for the best with you not getting involved with that nucking futs family, heh.

edit:


Melian said:


> My parents would never insult my guy's weight.....they were always too busy insulting them for other reasons.
> 
> "What is he - a fucking vampire?"
> 
> ...



Our parents would get along amazingly well.


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jun 26, 2014)

Melian said:


> *regarding black metal t-shirts* "What does that even say? How good can a band be when you can't read their name?"



Have you seen the "completely unreadable band logo of the week" posts on metalsucks.net?


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## biglynch (Jun 29, 2014)

[ame]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s5RhNbCMvYw[/ame]

Seems relevant enough.


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## Dromond (Jun 29, 2014)

biglynch said:


> My first girlfriend was Italian and her family was unbelievably good. Her mother was a great cook and used to fill me up on sausages and pasta. Italian families i think seem to embrace bigger guys. Sure she would tease me a bit, but was meant in a nice way. Her dad was a real nice guy too.
> 
> the second parents i would refrain from comment. I cant say anything nice.



Italians are a culture of feeders. I am not even kidding. If a married Italian woman has a skinny husband, she's accused of not treating him right.


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jun 29, 2014)

I had a girlfriend who had a side of her family who were the stereotypical American Italian family. You felt like you were on the sopranos set when they would have dinners. I put on a good 40 lbs when I was dating her.


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## Dromond (Jun 29, 2014)

WhiteHotRazor said:


> I had a girlfriend who had a side of her family who were the stereotypical American Italian family. You felt like you were on the sopranos set when they would have dinners. I put on a good 40 lbs when I was dating her.



That would be like my mom's side of the family. Food everywhere for everything.


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## Melian (Jun 30, 2014)

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Have you seen the "completely unreadable band logo of the week" posts on metalsucks.net?



Nope, but I have seen tons of unreadable logos. It's like it's a contest for them.


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## Undine (Jul 2, 2014)

Tad said:


> I've always wondered if, in broad strokes, male and female FA would face different reactions to their preferences. Obviously differences in families would be the dominant issue over all, which is all I can really see here. I suppose you'd need a lot larger sample with more detailed questions to start picking out any trends (differences or lack thereof).



I have some experience with both the FFA and FA sides of this, that also really highlights the differences in family dynamics. My most recent ex was ~270 when we met and ~340 when we broke up. No one in my family ever said a word about his size (at least not to me, and I doubt they would have said anything even amongst themselves), and were very welcoming to him and really liked him. All my dad cared about initially was that he wasn't a serial killer or something - we'd met on the internet and my dad wanted to make sure I wasn't going to get murdered or anything. My immediate family is pretty awesomely accepting, and all they really care about is that my partner is treating me well and that I'm happy. I've never come out and said to them, "I only like fat guys," because I've never felt it was necessary - I like what I like, and I don't feel that it affects anyone outside of the relationship - and I never really thought they'd care one way or the other. The only non-partner I've ever explicitly told is my best friend, and that was only because she kept trying to get me to agree that some skinny guy was hot. 

On the other side of things, my experience as a fat girl meeting the parents of my first serious boyfriend (who I'm fairly certain was a closeted FA) was...less than ideal. His mother was super-nice and friendly, but his father wouldn't even make eye contact with me, let alone speak more than a few words to me. My ex told me that his father was just antisocial, but I'm very sensitive to people's emotions and body language and all that, so I knew immediately that he did NOT approve of me. After a few weeks of this behavior, my ex (who was an abusive, manipulative prick) came out and told me that no, his father did not approve of me, because I was fat and I would inevitably "blow up" (i.e. get even fatter) as time passed, and that he knew his son could do much better. Yeah, that man was a piece of work. Between the knowledge of his father's views on my size and the mixed messages I was getting from the ex about my appearance (he'd go from squeezing my belly in bed at night when he thought I was sleeping to telling me that I needed to lose weight), I was really messed up for a really long time.

I think the reaction you'll get when you bring a fat partner home really depends on the family environment, not necessarily on the gender of the partner. Although, with the preponderance of heterosexual tv relationships in which one partner is fat being thin female/fat male, I imagine that, for some families, there may be a little more leeway for a woman to bring home a fat guy and have it be acceptable, if for no other reason than media brainwashing. Just a thought.


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## loopytheone (Jul 5, 2014)

Undine said:


> On the other side of things, my experience as a fat girl meeting the parents of my first serious boyfriend (who I'm fairly certain was a closeted FA) was...less than ideal. His mother was super-nice and friendly, but his father wouldn't even make eye contact with me, let alone speak more than a few words to me. My ex told me that his father was just antisocial, but I'm very sensitive to people's emotions and body language and all that, so I knew immediately that he did NOT approve of me. After a few weeks of this behavior, my ex (who was an abusive, manipulative prick) came out and told me that no, his father did not approve of me, because I was fat and I would inevitably "blow up" (i.e. get even fatter) as time passed, and that he knew his son could do much better. Yeah, that man was a piece of work. Between the knowledge of his father's views on my size and the mixed messages I was getting from the ex about my appearance (he'd go from squeezing my belly in bed at night when he thought I was sleeping to telling me that I needed to lose weight), I was really messed up for a really long time.



That is really awful, I am so sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully you are surrounded by people who accept you for being your awesome self no matter what your size!


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## Undine (Jul 5, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> That is really awful, I am so sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully you are surrounded by people who accept you for being your awesome self no matter what your size!



Aww, thanks, Loopy! It's alright; that relationship was a trainwreck from start to finish, and it was partly my own fault for ignoring my intuition and putting up with it for so long. Lesson learned. So many others have to go through so much worse, though, and that makes me really angry. I wish people could just be decent to each other. It's not THAT hard.

And I am happy to say that the only people who matter to me now don't give a flying squirrel what I look like.


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