# Where's feeder/feedee chat gone?



## Emma (May 6, 2006)

Somehow we've all been moved to fat and gaining, and anyone who gets logged out can't get back in because it's disapeared from the log in section and whoisonline bit. Please help us, we're so confused and not even sure we exist?


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## Emma (May 6, 2006)

I've been told by an op that the feeder/feedee and fat and gaining chat have been removed because none feeder/feedee people kept coming in. So why, pray tell, are the people who are in the right room being punished?


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## HailToTheKing (May 6, 2006)

I've never even worked out how to get into the chat - let alone find problems with it! Lol!


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## Webmaster (May 6, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> Somehow we've all been moved to fat and gaining, and anyone who gets logged out can't get back in because it's disapeared from the log in section and whoisonline bit. Please help us, we're so confused and not even sure we exist?



That is because for now I removed both F/F and F&G. The reason for this is that my repeated requests to use the proper rooms were totally ignored. 

I do want safe "special interest" rooms where those who share those interests can hang out. They no longer served that purpose when everyone hung out there, and that is what was happening.

I absolutely did not want for the Feeder/Feedee room to become the main room. I've taken enough crap from outsiders about Dimensions being just for feeders. That is not so, and never was so; I simply allow discussion. I do NOT want to create any other impression, and having the entire crowd in F/F does just that. In addition to destroying the "safe" room for the special interests.

I asked nicely. I asked repeatedly. I even put up entry messages asking people to respect that request. So I had no other option.

I will again make special interest rooms available, but I will want to see them used properly.


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## fred_elliot (May 6, 2006)

Perhaps there needs to be 2*general chat rooms?
We are a diverse bunch and sometimes there can be 50 people in the same room. Perhaps this is why there was a seperation? different folks of different ages / backgrounds etc want to chat about different things? - (perhaps it isn't wholly a feeder vs non feeder issue)

I know when there are 50+ people in a room, itis very difficult to follow chat - and very tough for a newbie to be noticed.

Any thoughts on 2* general rooms?


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## Emma (May 6, 2006)

Thank you conrad. The people who usually use the room wanted it to remain the way it was and we have no power over who came in and out. The ops could have chose to remove the offending people, but they didn't. At the moment because we don't want to use the main room we are in BHM/FA room if you'd like to come in and chat with us about how we could make it easier on you and keep our own room.

Em the offical spokesperson for the feeder/feedee room


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## Webmaster (May 6, 2006)

fred_elliot said:


> Perhaps there needs to be 2*general chat rooms?
> We are a diverse bunch and sometimes there can be 50 people in the same room. Perhaps this is why there was a seperation? different folks of different ages / backgrounds etc want to chat about different things?
> 
> I know when there are 50+ people in a room, itis very difficult to follow chat - and very tough for a newbie to be noticed.
> ...



I am absolutely for a well-selected variety of rooms. And for several years it all worked just fine. Those who wanted to chat did so in the main BBW/FA room. Those with special interests went to the rooms I made available for them. For the past few weeks everyone decided to chat only in the Feeder/Feedee room. I stated above that this is not what I had in mind, and this is definitely not the impression I want for newcomers and outsiders to get when they come to Dimensions.

I might make the special interest rooms a different membership class, so that those who want to chat there will have to request access and also afirm that they will use those rooms for the purpose they are intended.


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## Chimpi (May 6, 2006)

Sanctions!! Up with Seperation! Down with Darwin!
I'm only being a butt.

I commend you, Conrad. You're only human.  Well defined decision.


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## ThatFatGirl (May 6, 2006)

Hmm... well, as a non-feedee who spent the afternoon in feedee chat, I had a grand time. Is that wrong? We talked about fat folds, cats, and alcohol. If the topic of feeding had come up, I would've listened and participated where I could (I dated a feeder years ago). I had a better time in there today than I've had in chat in ages.


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## Webmaster (May 6, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> Thank you conrad. The people who usually use the room wanted it to remain the way it was and we have no power over who came in and out. The ops could have chose to remove the offending people, but they didn't. At the moment because we don't want to use the main room we are in BHM/FA room if you'd like to come in and chat with us about how we could make it easier on you and keep our own room.
> 
> Em the offical spokesperson for the feeder/feedee room



Emma, if you are the official spokeswoman for the feeder/feedee room, how about this: I set up a new F/F room that is members only. You can send me a list (exact handles needed) of everyone who wishes to use such a room and I will set their permisssions so that they can use the room.


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## Emma (May 6, 2006)

ThatFatGirl said:


> Hmm... well, as a non-feedee who spent the afternoon in feedee chat, I had a grand time. Is that wrong? We talked about fat folds, cats, and alcohol. If the topic of feeding had come up, I would've listened and participated where I could (I dated a feeder years ago). I had a better time in there today than I've had in chat in ages.



It has been a nice afternoon actually  

and i've learnt i've got a leg vagina.


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## HailToTheKing (May 6, 2006)

Sorry again to be a pain in the proverbial about this but how does one get into the chat when they only have access to GMail, Hotmail, Yahoo or other free accounts?

I've tried and tried and no one has any ideas.

*whine* *whine* *whine*


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## ThatFatGirl (May 6, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> It has been a nice afternoon actually
> 
> and i've learnt i've got a leg vagina.



lol.. I had fun with you, Em... until we meet again...


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## Silmarien (May 6, 2006)

HailToTheKing said:


> Sorry again to be a pain in the proverbial about this but how does one get into the chat when they only have access to GMail, Hotmail, Yahoo or other free accounts?
> 
> I've tried and tried and no one has any ideas.
> 
> *whine* *whine* *whine*



PM Webmaster here on the boards and he can attempt to resolve the issue for you. OR you can send an email to [email protected] and we will try to handle the issue for you.


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## Emma (May 6, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> Emma, if you are the official spokeswoman for the feeder/feedee room, how about this: I set up a new F/F room that is members only. You can send me a list (exact handles needed) of everyone who wishes to use such a room and I will set their permisssions so that they can use the room.



haha (un)officiall then. 

I could do that, although I don't know everyone by name. I could hang around and wait to collect peoples names who want to come in, or were old chatters that go into the main room, but half the people I know in there avoid the main room so I'd have no way of getting their name onto the list. Also what would happen when new people want to join?

I've got another idea. How about making me (or someone else) and a couple of other regular chatters mods in the new feeder/feedee room, and we'll sort it so that it's only people interested in it that stick around?


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## Lorna (May 6, 2006)

I understand your point Conrad, but the feedee/ feeder room was used by all of us that share that interest. We did not want to go into the main room as we were not free to discuss our interests there. If others came into our room what could we do about it? 
The FF room was always a more welcoming room so people naturally moved towards it, people go where the chat is. Why cant we just keep the rooms as they are? The ff room as you rightly point out is a special interest room, so people have the choice of where they go. I for one dont care who comes into the room as long as they are respectful of the ones using it and think the same for any of the rooms. 
Cant we please have the rooms back and lets deal with the individuals who are in the minority that cause problems? I feel that this is only going to make matters worse.. you will now get the two 'factions' trying to apportion blame on the other. I think its about time people grew up, and acted in the ideals of dimensions as a whole and accepted!


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## HailToTheKing (May 6, 2006)

Silmarien said:


> PM Webmaster here on the boards and he can attempt to resolve the issue for you. OR you can send an email to [email protected] and we will try to handle the issue for you.



Thank you. Have taken your advice!


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## bbwlaurauk (May 6, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> I am absolutely for a well-selected variety of rooms. And for several years it all worked just fine. Those who wanted to chat did so in the main BBW/FA room. Those with special interests went to the rooms I made available for them. For the past few weeks everyone decided to chat only in the Feeder/Feedee room. I stated above that this is not what I had in mind, and this is definitely not the impression I want for newcomers and outsiders to get when they come to Dimensions.
> 
> I might make the special interest rooms a different membership class, so that those who want to chat there will have to request access and also afirm that they will use those rooms for the purpose they are intended.




I understand and sympathise with Conrad's dilemma but I can't help feeling really hard done by, as a feeder/feedee room regular. I discovered Dimchat only 5 months ago and after going into the main room and seeing the derogatory comments and biting humour directed against the newbies and the just plain timid by a small but poisonous few of the established members, I ventured into the feeder/feedee room. I was wary and expecting the worst after the "main" room and was completely disarmed by the sheer friendliness of the room. Everyone was so welcoming and there was genuine humour, unsullied by comments which belittled others. I started telling people that the feeder/feedees room was my "spiritual home". 
I think the amount of people who aren't otherwise interested in the feeder/feedee lifestyle but graviated towards the feeder/feedee room show that it was the more welcoming of the two rooms though it feels that we are being penalised for that. 
I understand that Conrad never intended to endorse feederism but it is inevitable that people who are fat and love food and happy with the way they look, are going to indulge in some form of feederism or at least understand why other people would. It is not about being a feeder or a feedee, it is about accepting your lifestyle and that of others. The feeder/feedee room embodied this in a way that the main room does not (and I doubt ever will). Deleting this room seems to say that prejudice about others lifestyles is more acceptable than feederism and this (in my opinion) is just plain wrong.
I also think that the majority of members of dimchat have some sort of interest in feederism - I recently set up my own feeders & feedees yahoo group and around 500 members of dimchat joined, 99% of which professed to have an interest in feederism. That leads me to believe that feederism and acceptance of the lifestyle is already widespread in dimchat and, therefore, deleting the room is a slap in the face for everyone with such beliefs.

Sorry for ranting on but this is something that is very close to my heart.

Laura xxx


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## AnnMarie (May 6, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> I might make the special interest rooms a different membership class, so that those who want to chat there will have to request access and also afirm that they will use those rooms for the purpose they are intended.



THAT is the best idea, and I was about to type it when I read your post... that way people who HAVE the special interest will have access, but those who are just "following the crowd" will stay put.


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## AnnMarie (May 6, 2006)

ThatFatGirl said:


> Hmm... well, as a non-feedee who spent the afternoon in feedee chat, I had a grand time. Is that wrong? We talked about fat folds, cats, and alcohol. If the topic of feeding had come up, I would've listened and participated where I could (I dated a feeder years ago). I had a better time in there today than I've had in chat in ages.



And that's totally fine... I think the issue has always been when the gangs from regular chat end up there, feeding comes up, and the masses piss in their Cheerios about feeding and the evils of it- and it THEIR damn chat room. It's just not right, which is I'm sure much of the frustration held by everyone. 

I think a new member class will help the problem tremendously. (And you're right Laura, I have thoroughly enjoyed feeder chat many times-as a non-feeder/feedee myself... I like talking about cheeseburgers without it turning into 10 chicks moaning about all the weight they have/want/need to lose....  )


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## Chimpi (May 6, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> THAT is the best idea, and I was about to type it when I read your post... that way people who HAVE the special interest will have access, but those who are just "following the crowd" will stay put.



I have nothing against that, but what about those who are learning about everything and want to indulge into some "feederism" learnings? What sort of "access privelages" are needed, and how will those who want to learn be accepted?

Just curious. 

*EDIT*: Also, why is/was there never a "General" chat for "General" discussion created? Why would it have been given to the "BBW/FA" chat, rather than that room being for "BBW/FA" discussion? And why would the "BHM/FFA" chat be for BHM and their FFA, and not a General chat discussion room? Bah.


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## AnnMarie (May 6, 2006)

Chimpi said:


> I have nothing against that, but what about those who are learning about everything and want to indulge into some "feederism" learnings? What sort of "access privelages" are needed, and how will those who want to learn be accepted?
> 
> Just curious.



You'll ask for access and be granted, I assume. People with interest are not the issue, people who just go where the "crowd" is are the problem.... many of them have no interest in feeding (which is generally not the problem element, actually) or have PASSIONATE feelings that are anti-feeder/feedee (there's the problem).


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## NancyGirl74 (May 6, 2006)

I feel really bad that everyone feels so divided. I am not a feeder or a feedee but I have chatted in that room because that is where all the people are. It was explained to me that I could be there as long as I was respectful to those who were/are feeders and feedees. I didn't mean to offend any one by being there and I hope when I was there I behaved respectfully. Again (I know you don't mean just me but...) I apologize if anything I did or said was offensive to some.


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## Chimpi (May 6, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> You'll ask for access and be granted, I assume. People with interest are not the issue, people who just go where the "crowd" is are the problem.... many of them have no interest in feeding (which is generally not the problem element, actually) or have PASSIONATE feelings that are anti-feeder/feedee (there's the problem).



Then those who appose anti-feeder/anti-feedee ideals and behaviors should be removed from the chatroom, personally. Seems logical and fair, methinks.

I give up.!!

Chippy!!


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## AnnMarie (May 6, 2006)

Chimpi said:


> I have nothing against that, but what about those who are learning about everything and want to indulge into some "feederism" learnings? What sort of "access privelages" are needed, and how will those who want to learn be accepted?
> 
> Just curious.
> 
> *EDIT*: Also, why is/was there never a "General" chat for "General" discussion created? Why would it have been given to the "BBW/FA" chat, rather than that room being for "BBW/FA" discussion? And why would the "BHM/FFA" chat be for BHM and their FFA, and not a General chat discussion room? Bah.



BBW/FA chat is general chat.... for "general" BBW/FA - and same for BHM/FFA chat is for them a general chat. It's just to help people get a little more defined. 

It helps a girl who digs fat guys find them in a specific place, rather than being forced to go into BBW/FA chat and told by the guys in there that she's too skinny or getting hit on by skinny guys... that's not her deal, so it's just a more distinct category to help out. 

Hope that makes sense.


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## bbwlaurauk (May 6, 2006)

Alas - the dear Silmarien has booted me from chat. I had too many opinions apparently! Just one point I would like to make, I have been coming in chat for 5 months and have had only one warning off another Op (and one asked me to change my picture). Silmarien has warned me three times in the short time that she has been an Op, on two seperate ocassions, for expressing my opinion which wasn't nasty or derogatory to anyone in any way. I call that a grudge  Thanks for the company and the laughs to all my friends from Dimchat and no doubt our paths will cross again (most of you have my Yahoo address and are members of my yahoo group) Maybe I'll get the chat up and running on there! Lol! Take care sweeties!

L xxx


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## Emma (May 6, 2006)

Laura was just kicked from the chat  a few of us have left because we were being ordered what we could and couldn't speak about.


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## interesting monster (May 6, 2006)

I know that something needed to be done, but this doesn't seem like the best way to go about it. It feels to me that the non-interested people who were frequenting the feeder chat destroyed it from within, infiltrated it and poisened it, and that was what they were after all along. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to Dimensions, and to you, Conrad, for giving us a place to hang out. And I understand, I really do. It's just that a part of me feels violated somehow.


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## BigChaz (May 7, 2006)

This sucks.


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## Morbid (May 7, 2006)

I am not a feeder or feedee.. but alot of my friends on Dim chat are.. I enjoy talking to them. and I am learing why they enjoy it.. I feel I am pretty respectful to everyone (except those who have been rude to Me ) but I have been told that since I am not a feeder / feedee I shouldnt be in there.. even though I have never said anything bad about F/F's in My life.. I figure what the want to do in thier lives thats up to them.. who am I to judge. I am here to talk about or lives, likes, dislikes, intrests and everything else. so should I not be allowed to come into the Feeder / Feedee room just cause I dont do it in my life... like I said.. i like learning about people and thier lifestyles... I have been respectful and would stick up for thier choice of being a feeder / feedee... 


Morbid....


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## Emma (May 7, 2006)

For the time being a lot of us have decided to chat in another room until an acceptable situation becomes viable for us all. 
We feel we have been punished unfairly for situations out of our control.
The people who have caused this trouble have got what they wanted. A busier main room and no chat about feederism.
The group of people that happily stayed in their own room, caused no trouble and enjoyed chatting with each other have been forced to leave. 
Myself, Erk and a few others are willing to help in any way to get our room back.
There are a few options that seem viable. 

1. Collecting the name of every person who wishes to chat in the special interest room, though this will take a lot of time and effort and some people are sure to be missed out.

2. Myself, Erk and maybe one other regular (possibly american so that they are there in different time zones) being made into temp. ops. So that everyone who wishes to have access may do, but those who prefer the main room and are following the crowd and/or have problems with feederism can be asked to leave and if they don't follow the request will be moved. This could go on as long as needed.

3. Special request email system to be setup. Those who want access request it and myself or someone else would be able to grant or deny access. 

4. We could just stay at the other site we're at. *shrug*

We just feel hard done to when we've done nothing wrong.


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## mango (May 7, 2006)

*I've been coming to Dim Chat for almost 4 years now.

I hung out in both rooms alot.... BBW/FA chat (the main room) & Feeder Chat - even though I'm technically not a feeder.

I had friends in both rooms and it was sad to see them recently turn against each other and see one group resent the other for becoming more popular.  

In the last few months, it became easier to have a conversation in the Feeder room as there were less restrictions and op control in this room as to what topics could be discussed (free conversation).

E.G. I recall a BBW in the BBW/FA main room mentioning how great her lunch was and what it was, how she made it etc (i.e. general food talk)- she was given a warning to stop what she was saying or go to the other room. 

I think that's abit over the top.

It's sad to see one of the rooms gone. Some of the regular feeders & feedees haven't returned.

 *


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## bbwlaurauk (May 7, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> 2. Myself, Erk and maybe one other regular (possibly american so that they are there in different time zones) being made into temp. ops. So that everyone who wishes to have access may do, but those who prefer the main room and are following the crowd and/or have problems with feederism can be asked to leave and if they don't follow the request will be moved. This could go on as long as needed.



I think this is a good idea Em! Think the feeder/feedee room always needed Ops who were at least accepting of the lifestyle. With the exception of Turin and Smaug, the Ops seemed to be really down on feeders and feedees and I think that this is half of the reason I got banned. Silmarien sure as hell had some issue with me.

Anyhow, whatever is decided - I hope it pans out for you, my sweeties. I will still stay in touch through the site and messenger.

L xxx


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## Emma (May 7, 2006)

We're you just kicked or banned? I think it's rather unfair either way but more so if you were banned.
That op came into the room, demanded we talk about what she said and not dare discuss the loss of the room. I didn't know ops dictated topic too?


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## bbwlaurauk (May 7, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> We're you just kicked or banned? I think it's rather unfair either way but more so if you were banned.
> That op came into the room, demanded we talk about what she said and not dare discuss the loss of the room. I didn't know ops dictated topic too?



Silmarien said I was banned, I even asked to speak to another Op but there weren't any around. My first warning was given because I jokingly said "BHM now stands for Booted and Hate the Main room" when all the former feeder/feedee roomers were hanging out in the BHM room. Then Silmarien got really heavy handed (and maybe drunk with the power of controlling people) and told everyone in the room that we weren't allowed to talk about the deletion of our room. When I suggested that her heavy handed behaviour was barbaric and Nazilike she booted me.


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## Emma (May 7, 2006)

bbwlaurauk said:


> Silmarien said I was banned, I even asked to speak to another Op but there weren't any around. My first warning was given because I jokingly said "BHM now stands for Booted and Hate the Main room" when all the former feeder/feedee roomers were hanging out in the BHM room. Then Silmarien got really heavy handed (and maybe drunk with the power of controlling people) and told everyone in the room that we weren't allowed to talk about the deletion of our room. When I suggested that her heavy handed behaviour was barbaric and Nazilike she booted me.



Hopefully conrad or one of the higher ops will review her decision. I don't really think anyone should be banned without it going to someone higher up. Especially a chatter who is regular and doesn't cause problems.


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## bigsexy920 (May 7, 2006)

It all seems so ridiculous that this conversation is even taking place. IT'S A CHAT. I like to go to CHAT. Sometimes about food and eating sometimes about what are you doing this weekend. Why is everyone so GD militant about the whole thing. I have friends and enjoy talking to them in both forums I even to to fat and gaining cause lets face it I'm not losing. But its not the only think I want to talk about when I go to that room. 

I think everyone needs to relax a little and enjoy the space we are given. Clearly it will be taken away if we don't. Ive said it before and I'll say it again. People need to respect each other and realize that we all have different points of view and reasons for coming here. 

We all seem to be losing sight of the big picture.


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## Eowyn (May 7, 2006)

Now just a minute!

Turin and Smaug are both friends but they're not the only feeder/feedee friendly ops! From the founding of streaming chat I've probably spent more time than any op outside the main room watching the "special" rooms. This year it has been less than before, but I've been generally considered the op "least likely to boot or ban" 'cause I prefer dialogue over using my sword. I've even tried explaining the nuances and different degrees of feederism to those biased against it.

The current flare-up occurred with me not even involved - I've been AFK this past week. But I'm annoyed at the assertion that I or any other op is anti-anyone except trolls. Our mission is to facilitate chat for all segments of the community.

The real issue here from what I read wasn't ops hostile to feeders, but a mass exodus from the main discussion room into feeder/feedee chat. This migration occurred because that's where chatters generally felt the action was. The historic fact has been that feeder/feedee chat seldom discussed feeder/feedee topics all the time anyway - it was just a place frequented primarily by those having that specific interest. 

People get booted or banned because they are violating rules or pushing the line and won't take guidance. All ops prefer to give specific individual guidance by PM, while giving public guidance in the room. In this case public suggestions to move general topic discussion back to the main room were apparently not being heeded. This led to the room being shut down.

Why was moving chatters back to the main room vital? I think because the overall purpose of the Dimensions site is not just a segment of our community but the entire concept of size acceptance. A count of 30-40 persons in feeder (or any other) chat with 0 in the main chat room conveys an incorrect perception.

I have some private thoughts on resolving this issue which I want to convey to Conrad, but for now would request that op-bashing cease. Thank you!


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## bbwlaurauk (May 7, 2006)

Eowyn said:


> Now just a minute!
> 
> Turin and Smaug are both friends but they're not the only feeder/feedee friendly ops!



Apologies Eowyn - you too are a very chilled out and fair Op  I think you Ops do a fantastic job and for very little reward and I have always appreciated that. The only Op I actually have a problem with at the moment is Silmarien, to be honest. I have found her to be far too controlling in the short time that she has been an Op. Rather than learn from the more established Ops she seems to be puffed up with pride at her new position and has let the power go to her head. I am not Op bashing, on the contrary I praise the work you guys do. I think it takes a very easy going, non bitchy and fair character to be a good Op and also one who doesn't get involved in heated debates under their 'real life' persona (which is why I would make a useless Op - I am far too opinionated). I suspect that Silmarien's non-Op persona is well known in the rooms for being outspoken and it wouldn't surprise me if she was one of the ones renowned for being anti feeder/feedee.


Anyhow, the good and bad qualities of the Ops aren't the main issue - the deletion of the feeder/feedee friendly rooms is (though I do think Silmarien could have dealt with the aftermath in a more efficient and mature way). I know Conrad is unhappy with the divide between the feeding room and the main room but by deleting the feeding room (though done with all good intentions) he has given the impression that feedees, feeders and their friends do not have a place in Dimensions Chat.

L xxx


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## Turin (May 7, 2006)

If I can just add my two cents here.... I think this is really an unfair characterization of Silmarien. She got fed to the wolves in a sense by happening to be the first Op who walked in after the closing. She walked into a room of hostile feelings and misunderstandings. She had no idea what was going on.

The thing alot of folks forget is that we are human as well. We are prone to emotions and mistakes and hurt feelings just like everyone else. Her sole purpose yesterday was to try to quell some of the ugliness being displayed over the room closing. And let's face it, many people refused to let it go. 

If I had been the first one to walk in the room yesterday I would be the subject of ire this morning, instead of the feeder/feedee friendly op. If I were in her shoes, I prolly would've eventually done the same thing. She drew the short straw and walked into a room of angry people. She caught alot of flak for the room being closed in terms of sideways anger.

As for the situation itself? It's unfortunate. It saddens me. I hope that at some point, Conrad can open the feeder room back up. BUT, I would only want him opening the room with the understanding that everyone who chats here respects his requests. I would only want to see it back opened when the people who chat here understand that he does this of his own volition, completely on his dime and without any cost to us. Therefore, I would hope we as a community would set our expectations and our sense of entitlement aside, understand we are guests in his house and act as guests. 




bbwlaurauk said:


> Apologies Eowyn - you too are a very chilled out and fair Op  I think you Ops do a fantastic job and for very little reward and I have always appreciated that. The only Op I actually have a problem with at the moment is Silmarien, to be honest. I have found her to be far too controlling in the short time that she has been an Op. Rather than learn from the more established Ops she seems to be puffed up with pride at her new position and has let the power go to her head. I am not Op bashing, on the contrary I praise the work you guys do. I think it takes a very easy going, non bitchy and fair character to be a good Op and also one who doesn't get involved in heated debates under their 'real life' persona (which is why I would make a useless Op - I am far too opinionated). I suspect that Silmarien's non-Op persona is well known in the rooms for being outspoken and it wouldn't surprise me if she was one of the ones renowned for being anti feeder/feedee.
> 
> 
> Anyhow, the good and bad qualities of the Ops aren't the main issue - the deletion of the feeder/feedee friendly rooms is (though I do think Silmarien could have dealt with the aftermath in a more efficient and mature way). I know Conrad is unhappy with the divide between the feeding room and the main room but by deleting the feeding room (though done with all good intentions) he has given the impression that feedees, feeders and their friends do not have a place in Dimensions Chat.
> ...


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## bbwlaurauk (May 7, 2006)

Turin said:


> If I can just add my two cents here.... I think this is really an unfair characterization of Silmarien. She got fed to the wolves in a sense by happening to be the first Op who walked in after the closing. She walked into a room of hostile feelings and misunderstandings. She had no idea what was going on.
> 
> The thing alot of folks forget is that we are human as well. We are prone to emotions and mistakes and hurt feelings just like everyone else. Her sole purpose yesterday was to try to quell some of the ugliness being displayed over the room closing. And let's face it, many people refused to let it go.



It's great that you defend your sister, Turin - you are a true gentleman  My characterization of Silmarien is based on all my interactions with her and not just the way she was last night. I do think you and some of the more established Ops would have dealt with things differently but that is something we will never know so I won't dwell on it. I do think that Conrad should have anticipated our anger and got more Ops to patrol the rooms straight after the deletion, however, as we were bound to be angry.

Everyone is grateful to Conrad for allowing us to chat and setting up this place for us to do so and the majority of people can see and sympathise with his dilemma but (using your analogy, Turin) it is like Conrad had a party at his house and people split off into separate rooms, the main room became more and more bitchy so people went into the other room. Then the bitchy people from the main room kept storming into the other room causing trouble and then running back to their own room in fits of giggles. Then Conrad comes and throws everyone out of the non bitchy room. The guests are well within their rights to be angry and to stand out in the garden discussing their expulsion even though Conrad is well within his rights to do whatever he wants with his chatrooms.


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## BBWDREAMLOVER (May 7, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> For the time being a lot of us have decided to chat in another room until an acceptable situation becomes viable for us all.
> We feel we have been punished unfairly for situations out of our control.
> The people who have caused this trouble have got what they wanted. A busier main room and no chat about feederism.
> The group of people that happily stayed in their own room, caused no trouble and enjoyed chatting with each other have been forced to leave.
> ...



I'd like to offer you my help also CurvyEm, I feel like this is just totally wrong in every way.


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## Webmaster (May 7, 2006)

bbwlaurauk said:


> ...Then Conrad comes and throws everyone out of the non bitchy room. The guests are well within their rights to be angry and to stand out in the garden discussing their expulsion even though Conrad is well within his rights to do whatever he wants with his chatrooms.



Don't worry. I'll set it up again. Real soon. If you read the whole thread, and remember what I truly said, I DO want to make the special interest rooms available, and I do want for them to be safe places. So they will be back but in a way that serves both the communities as well as represents what Dimensions is and always has been.


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## mossystate (May 7, 2006)

The first time I went to the F/F room was simply because the 'main' room was flatlining.There were times I DID feel a little uncomfortable in the F/F room, because I did not want it to seem that I was part of the ..'takeover'..but I know that in a way ..I was.On Friday,I messaged another chatter and we tried getting more people over to the main room.I did not want the feeders or the feedees to feel they could not discuss their preferences in a comfortable setting

I am more a 'foodee'.I was angry when a main room chatter came into the F/F room to gripe about not being able to chat about her reducing diet!!!??!!..ummmmm...DOH!! I told her it was not the room for it, but she is clueless.

I really thought that by the Ops being more a presence in the F/F room, that this issue would have been solved.If certain people were watched and/or reported for bashing feeders/feedees, they would have kept their mouths shut..eventually..I think..?..hmmmm


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## Chuck (May 7, 2006)

I think I can sum it up all this as:
- too many people from the main room flock to F-F room
- Dimensions is worried about what "outsiders" think

If so, didn't we forget that the people who use the F-F room deserve priority?

Why did the room have to get shut down? What was the reason it had toget shut down fast before any sort of solution was in place?

And why do the "outsiders" and the irritated mainroomers have the power to shut us down?

I'm happy to work with / accept a new scheme that makes everyone happy, but this seems like a kneejerk reaction to complaints.


Chuck



Webmaster said:


> Don't worry. I'll set it up again. Real soon. If you read the whole thread, and remember what I truly said, I DO want to make the special interest rooms available, and I do want for them to be safe places. So they will be back but in a way that serves both the communities as well as represents what Dimensions is and always has been.


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## British Feeder (May 8, 2006)

BBWDREAMLOVER said:


> I'd like to offer you my help also CurvyEm, I feel like this is just totally wrong in every way.



Well I'd like to throw my two pen'orth in to the ring. It seems likely that the offending parties are likely to cross the floor no matter what happens (if they are that biggoted) unless there is a way of restricting membership. Although by its very nature such restrictions fly in the face of F/F chat and freedom of speech it would perhaps be best to give this a try. 

I've like to offer my help as well, if I can be useful, as I have friends who don't log on that regularly, but when they do will be very confused by the lack of room and any new restrictions in place.

I look forward to the return of the old place - but the new place is nice.

ABFx


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## olivefun (May 8, 2006)

Sometimes when you go to a house party, the most lively conversation is happening in one room over another because of the mix of people at that moment. The FF room was sort of the kitchen of this dim house.
I was enjoying popping in from one place to another to say hi to friends.

I was talking about this in chat the other night. 
I am a non-smoker, that sometimes takes smoking breaks with my colleagues at work, so I can stand outside to chat with them for a few minutes. I am respectful of their space, and do not talk about lung cancer when I am out there, but like to be in a different physical place sometimes.

Maybe when/ if Conrad returns the FF chat, we can try having a main chat 1 and a main chat 2.
We were talking about having an adult chat (all dim chat is for adults) and a more "adult" chat room so that people who just want a different place to hang out, could. Maybe the racy talk could be in its own room.

The Beach
The Kitchen
The Bedroom
The Living room
The music room

-a thought to ponder.

Olive


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## Tad (May 8, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> I absolutely did not want for the Feeder/Feedee room to become the main room. I've taken enough crap from outsiders about Dimensions being just for feeders. That is not so, and never was so; I simply allow discussion. I do NOT want to create any other impression, and having the entire crowd in F/F does just that. In addition to destroying the "safe" room for the special interests.
> ........
> I will again make special interest rooms available, but I will want to see them used properly.



Ive mentioned more than once in the past that there seems to be a certain lifecycle pattern to whatever the main chat room of this community isand by this community I dont even mean exclusively Dimensions, but more the larger community that is centered around Dimensions.

What we have seen is pretty typical, and seems to happen every couple of years. The pattern is that some room is fairly new. A mix of old timers and new chatters find it, and over time some core group of them become regularsusually the majority of this group is female, along with a smaller number of guys who meet their standards of behavior. Now this group will be, for the most part, made up of really nice people, and that may be part of the problem, they are nice, and expect other people to meet their standard of nice. Hands up every one who took part in their churchs youth group? Yup, some of you, but far from most. 

Another part of the problem is that they get to know each other well, and theyve already hashed over most of their size related issues, and once theyve been in chat for a while theyve heard the usual variations of everyone elses issues too. Most likely some of them are not fans of being fatthey accept that they are fat, and want to be somewhere that they can be accepted as good people,. but this sub-group are not celebrators of big beauty. So overall this group does not spend much time talking about fat stuff. They are mostly talking about their daily issuesproblems with the dishwasher, what their cat is doing, weather, work, kids, what theyve read, what was on TV. There is nothing wrong with this, but at this point when someone comes in who is new to chat, or even who is a long time chatter who wants to talk about fat stuff, well, it feels a bit inappropriate. For that matter, this core group can get so into their own talk that sometimesdepending on who is therethey dont really notice new people, or put out much of a welcome mat. See, by this point it is their chat room, and new folk should be making the effort to fit in. So new chatters and some old chatters start looking for somewhere else to chat. And the only other place with people in it is the current feeder room.

Now, the long time users of the feeder chat rooms are mostly really nice people, who love to talk about fat stuff, but normally those rooms are kind of quiet. So new people get welcomed with open arms. Those new people might keep coming back to that feeder chat. Gradually the numbers in feeder chat start going up, while the number in the main chat go down. Without enough new blood, the main room becomes even less diverse, and more people start drifting over to the other chat room, until at some point it gets hard to actually get any chat going in the main room, so most people go to where there is actual conversation.

Which is all very exciting for a while, but in that new room, the whole cycle starts over again.

Note that in the past, with the beseen rooms, this happened from the main dimensions room to the feeder room, then from the feeder room to the chat room at Bulge. When bulge shut down people scattered for a while, but to a lesser degree this happened again from Dimensions to the fatten-up chat room.
Note that this is not unique to chat rooms. I think you see the same dynamic at work with what clubs or restaurants are popular. 

So what can be done about it? 

I think one thing is to offer an alternate chat room which will catch people more effectively than will feeder chat. Perhaps general chat and size acceptance chat or something like that.

More than that though, I think that any static set up of the rooms will gradually drift away from the original intent. I think change the way the rooms are set up at least once a year, and perhaps more often. Since the current set-up was starting to decay, may re-divide the rooms along the lines of social chat, size acceptance chat, and romance chat. Come 2007, maybe then it would be time to go to something like Fat-stuff and Not Fat Stuff. 

Of course, no matter how you change up the rooms, people will still settle into groups, but the idea behind the changes is to mix up the groups occasionally.

Oh, and yet againthanks for caring so much, chief!

Regards;

Ed


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## Zackariah (May 8, 2006)

This may be a little out of the direction of most of this thread, but I'd just like to throw my weight behind making some of the actual feeders and feedees ops in the new feeder/feedee room, rather than creating a member list. 

The issue here is pure practicality - if you have to apply to gain entry to the feeder feedee room, and the BBW/FA chat isn't the friendliest towards feeder/feedees, then we would see a sharp decline in new patronage. In essence people would have to go through an application process just to start chatting, merely because they are feeders or feedees.

Not only do I think this would tank membership, but I also feel it is unethical to demand a more rigorous application process for some because of their preferences. 

Also, if you are worried about the BBW/FA community being stereotyped as feeders and feedees, then I'd suggest it would be directly counter to your interests to require membership application to the feeder/feedee room and not to the BBW/FA room. The obvious outcome would be feeders/feedees waiting on approval hanging out in the BBW/FA room. Not that some chat veterans who are aware of the difference in subjects can't do that peacefully, but we are talking about newbie feeder/feedee chatters who are bound to push all kinds of buttons in the BBW/FA chat. 

Conrad, I do absolutely understand the motivations that drove you to close the feeder/feedee room. I was actually frustrated by the flooding of the room myself, because while I don't mind chatting with the regular BBW/FA crowd, I think it really derailed the focus of the room. And I can certainly understand the importance of protecting the image of your site. However, I implore you, act swiftly and decisively in setting up a new feeder/feedee room, with member moderation. There are precious few other sites available for feeder/feedee chat that are as sophisticated or mature as the one you provided here, if any. 

If anyone wants to discuss my points further, feel free to reply here or if you just want clarification, PM me. We all want to get our community back to normal, so let's work together and make it possible.


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## Emma (May 8, 2006)

Questions abou applying:

How long will it take?
Why are we the ones that have to tick a box agreeing we will follow the rules when it was the others who did wrong?


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## Tad (May 8, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> Questions abou applying:
> 
> How long will it take?
> Why are we the ones that have to tick a box agreeing we will follow the rules when it was the others who did wrong?



I have chatted in "these" rooms since even before Dimensions absorbed the chat rooms and boards of the BBWQT site, so I think I have a fair feel for how the rooms, as a collective, behave. While I think there are real issues here, I think that the application thing is, well, misguided. I think the most likely thing is that any regular who feels like chatting in both rooms will apply, because who doesn't want to be _allowed_ into the back room, even if they don't really want to go there? Remember that once before people managed to move from Dimensions to Bulge, even though they had to find the new site and so on. The only ones who won't be in will be those who are too new or too timid to have applied, yet those are the ones who you really want to sample the room and decide if they are interested. 

Besides which, some of the best conversations in the feeding rooms have been when someone who doesn't "get it" comes in with sincere curiousity to understand. I'd hate to block them out of the feeding ghetto. 

Of course the other option is that the ops authorizing feeder chat are really strict, and only let in those who they know are feeders, or who can 'prove' it somehow. But that just gets silly and subjective pretty fast.

Overall, I really don't like the membership option very much.

Regards;

-Ed


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## Tarella (May 8, 2006)

As always Edx, excellent, well thought out posts. Thanks for posting many of the same thoughts that I fail to be able to express succinctly*hugs*.

Tara


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## Webmaster (May 8, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> Questions abou applying:
> 
> How long will it take?
> Why are we the ones that have to tick a box agreeing we will follow the rules when it was the others who did wrong?



I change the accounts as the requests come in. The system is fully functional now. I know it is unpalatable to some, but please remember that I set the site up this way for a reason. That reason, to reiterate, is:

1) I want to provide safe havens for those with special interests. A room is no longer a safe haven when EVERYONE uses it exclusively.

2) Dimensions is a size acceptance site. It is not a special interest site. I do not wish to create the impression that Dimensions primarily caters to certain special interests. If EVERYONE uses a special interest room, that impression is created.

Sure, it's unfortunate that the F/F and FG crowd "suffered" because the general discussion crowd chose not to follow my requests. But the suffering is really pretty minor. The rooms are back, and those who sign up certify that they understand the rules and will follow them. 

Some may go somewhere else, perhaps Hipster. No problem there. Scott has a fine site and he really got a raw deal a few years ago. His chat system was the inspiration for the Dimensions Streaming Chat. I only wish Scott the very best, always.

In the meantime, the rooms are there, waiting to be used as intended.


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## AnnMarie (May 8, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> Questions abou applying:
> 
> How long will it take?
> Why are we the ones that have to tick a box agreeing we will follow the rules when it was the others who did wrong?



You're ticking the box, but the agreement with the rules just for you, it's directed at those who have no genuine interest in the special topic. It's merely a step that makes them realize why they are asking to be included in something and understand that they're the ones heading into different territory. 

Anyway, that's how I see it... as a protection for the genuine/sincere chatters and a deterant to those who just want to casually pass by and then get pissy about the content once they're inside.


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## Dibaby35 (May 9, 2006)

Speaking as an outsider or newbie to the chat rooms, I just wanted to add my point of view (not that it really means much). But I'm one of those "intruders" I guess that recently started coming into the feeder room basically because there wasn't much other choice. I mean I'm not gonna go sit in a room by myself now. I did feel a little uncomfortable being in there and felt bad when I told guys I wasn't into the whole feeder thing. But I never got any negative comments and I was always respectful. I also never really saw anyone being rude to each other though. Maybe I wasn't in there enough. But it seemed to turn into just a general room and was nice and lively. I'm really sorry if this caused all these issues. I feel bad now. Maybe it was the guys/girls mad cause they felt they were wasting their time talking to non-feeders? I guess I can see that too.

I get the over all problem though and what owners of this site are afraid of. But being a long time chatter and seeing many rooms come and go, I don't know if this is the best option. Closing off the room and making it membership only will really cut off any new blood coming into the room which is really vital to keeping it going. Maybe I'm wrong I dunno. I'm actually glad though that people will be going back to the general room again. Makes me feel better. Although I vote for an "adult" room too. An "adult" room would be by far the most popular. I don't really like to have to watch what I say... 

<3 to all


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## SamanthaNY (May 9, 2006)

Dibaby35 said:


> Although I vote for an "adult" room too. An "adult" room would be by far the most popular. I don't really like to have to watch what I say...



I agree. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of not being able to use curse words. It's particularly irritating (to say nothing of ironic) when we're in a room with near-naked pics on the sidebar, yet if we curse, we get de-voiced or booted. 

With regard to this - my understanding _from Conrad himself_ yesterday is that *profanity IS allowed* - just not coupled with rudeness or malicious intent to or about someone. This has been his wish from day one - but for some reason it has been miscommunicated to/by the Ops and they're disciplining any and ALL use of curse words. According to Conrad, that is not what he wants. 

He said that he would speak to the Ops about this - I hope this clears it up once and for all.


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## JMCGB (May 9, 2006)

Well if we have to sign up to use the room then thats what we gotta do. Where do we sign up?


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## ThatFatGirl (May 9, 2006)

Thank _freaking_ God... 

Nothing makes me exit chat quicker than an Op swooping in to warn about language...


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## mossystate (May 9, 2006)

Yup..people either freeze..or leave.

I had to leave the other night when an Op came in to bait people by telling them she could not believe how many younger,fat people these days had no problem eating huge portions in public..or people eating huge desserts after huge meals..at first I thought they were saying it was good to see people be less inhibited...but..ummm..don't think so...she just wanted to get any kind of conversation going!(she said as much)..no matter that it was odd chat for a fat site...weird..weird...

fuckadoodledoo 

But I still like the idea of Dims..good stuff!


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## AnnMarie (May 9, 2006)

JMCGB said:


> Well if we have to sign up to use the room then thats what we gotta do. Where do we sign up?



There is a thread on the Weight Board with a link to the form, etc. 

Here: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7075


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## FattenRickSoCal (May 15, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> In the meantime, the rooms are there, waiting to be used as intended.



And that is the problem.
As I suspected would happen, the people who were not the ones causing the problem are being punished. The rooms for feeders/gainers are dead, dead, dead now.
No one goes in them anymore. Too bad that the ones who came into the rooms and destroyed them and then made false complaints against anyone with "feeder" or "fatten" in their screen names are the ones laughing that they "won."


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