# The Weight Board - is it a safe haven or...?



## Fuzzy Necromancer (Aug 12, 2007)

*MODERATOR'S NOTE: We're taking very seriously the issue of the Weight Board not feeling like a safe place to share on-topic posts. We're going to make a concerted effort to initiate and encourage topical discussions and we hope to get the board back on track.

For example, there has been a discussion in another thread concerning the mocking and/or abuse that is directed to posts concerning weight gain, feeding, etc. 

It was derailing that thread and it was suggested that we pull those posts from and start a new thread.

The thread was: Advice for or from FFAs or “How to &#8216;Grow’ Your Own BHM”. The posts are below. Feel free to add your thoughts.

Thanks, 
SoVerySoft*







Here's my advice. Use a light mulch, water him twice a day, and keep him in a spot where he gets lots of indirect sunlight. He should be growing like anything by late june. :bow:


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## Obesus (Aug 12, 2007)

...for years....he read and followed the rules, he posted to the right board...he asked for some serious input and the first answer out is pure smart-aleck. His only mistake was not having the history that there has been serious negativity and even prejudice on this board toward anything gainer/feeding related for as long as the board has been here and I am including the old boards. This is why people go underground...this is anything but a safe haven.



Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> Here's my advice. Use a light mulch, water him twice a day, and keep him in a spot where he gets lots of indirect sunlight. He should be growing like anything by late june. :bow:


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Aug 12, 2007)

Eek. ._.

I wasn't trying to be obnoxious or anything, I just thought it might be amusing.

Seriously, I don't imagine methods of growing bhms would be any different than ways to encourage or help gain occur in bbws, yah know?


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## Obesus (Aug 12, 2007)

It is a different community with different problems and different needs. There are different prejudices and different kinds of attitudes. I understand why the male weightgain issues were brought over here to the Weight Board and taken off the FFA/BHM Board, but there is very little support or respect for male gainers and I think that needs to be a consideration. There are very few places on the entire Internet where "we" can talk about anything at all related to our sexuality and it is dubious as to whether this is a safe place or not. I am calling for a basic human respect and tolerance...if there is a place for humor, it is after respect has been accorded and when it is coming from a place of cameraderie...not the first thing a new poster hears on the board. We have enough adversity...we need support. The fact that your comment meant very little to you and that you tossed it off as an amusement means that you didn't think about how it would make the poster or anyone in his situation feel. 



Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> Eek. ._.
> 
> I wasn't trying to be obnoxious or anything, I just thought it might be amusing.
> 
> Seriously, I don't imagine methods of growing bhms would be any different than ways to encourage or help gain occur in bbws, yah know?


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 12, 2007)

Obesus said:


> It is a different community with different problems and different needs. There are different prejudices and different kinds of attitudes. I understand why the male weightgain issues were brought over here to the Weight Board and taken off the FFA/BHM Board, but there is very little support or respect for male gainers and I think that needs to be a consideration. There are very few places on the entire Internet where "we" can talk about anything at all related to our sexuality and it is dubious as to whether this is a safe place or not. I am calling for a basic human respect and tolerance...if there is a place for humor, it is after respect has been accorded and when it is coming from a place of cameraderie...not the first thing a new poster hears on the board. We have enough adversity...we need support. The fact that your comment meant very little to you and that you tossed it off as an amusement means that you didn't think about how it would make the poster or anyone in his situation feel.



Thank you, Obesus. We're working towards making this board safer for all flavors of gainers and various fat fantasies. Hopefully we're making strides.


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## Jack Skellington (Aug 12, 2007)

Obesus said:


> His only mistake was not having the history that there has been serious negativity and even prejudice on this board toward anything gainer/feeding related for as long as the board has been here and I am including the old boards.



Maybe you could write a faq then and have it a sticky in the weight room explaining exactly what feeders are and are not and what the ethical limits of the subculture are. Make it perfectly clear what part is fantasy and what part is practice.

You have to admit from the perspective of someone purely from the outside looking in the feeder subculture can look rather out there if not abusive. People will see some very extreme posts where self professed feeders put their feeder lifestyle ahead of the health, mobility and very lives of their partners and or objects of desires. Like the chorus of those chanting "gain! gain! gain!" no matter the circumstances. From that perspective, you can see why the subculture can be misunderstood if not downright feared and reviled. 

I realize this topic is on BHM and I am taking this a little off topic.

Sadly we live in a culture that still treats women as disposable objects to be remolded into some extreme idea of beauty. Whether dieting them down to skin and bones in the Hollywood ideal or in the feeder subculture fatting them up. Women are never good enough and have to be remolded in someone's image to fit their preconceived desires. That's another reason people have often such a strong knee jerk reaction to the feeder subculture. 

Again, a well written faq could help explain the culture to those on the outside as well as bridge an understanding to those on the inside as to why people often react the way they do.


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## Ruby Ripples (Aug 12, 2007)

Obesus said:


> ...for years....he read and followed the rules, he posted to the right board...he asked for some serious input and the first answer out is pure smart-aleck. His only mistake was not having the history that there has been serious negativity and even prejudice on this board toward anything gainer/feeding related for as long as the board has been here and I am including the old boards. This is why people go underground...this is anything but a safe haven.



Thankyou Obesus, I thought exactly the same as you did.



SoVerySoft said:


> Thank you, Obesus. We're working towards making this board safer for all flavors of gainers and various fat fantasies. Hopefully we're making strides.



Thanks SVS, I noticed that things have been clamped down on more lately, its really nice to see. I might not be into, or agree with some topics, but when they are posted in the correct place, they should be respected at the very least and it frustrates me badly to see the smart ass comments, snide remarks etc that get posted by some people in response to genuine questions . Keep up the good work!


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## Obesus (Aug 12, 2007)

I am writing a comprehensive history, theory and guide to our subculture starting with the articles that I published in the mid-1980's and moving forward, with an eye to the archeological, anthropological, religious, bibliographical and social-psychology aspects...there has been a crying need for this since all of the material has been scattered around various articles and books for years, but it has never been put together into a coherent whole. Yes, I _will_ work out a balanced presentation in FAQ format to cover the "other" parts of the subculture as well; the male, LGBT and fantasy camps...ironically, this comes after some posts to Fantasy Feeder on the need for a common symbol and identifier to help unite all of these scattered factions into more of a community...I am off to the word-processor this week!
I do think that tying this subculture into its' genuine roots in magic and social practices from waaaay back and understanding its' atavistic sides can go a long way towards explaining why it is so feared. Aleister Crowley's 1920's novel "Moonchild" captures all of this perfectly and it has always formed a key in my understanding of the deep roots of our phenomenon...:bow: 




Jack Skellington said:


> Maybe you could write a faq then and have it a sticky in the weight room explaining exactly what feeders are and are not and what the ethical limits of the subculture are. Make it perfectly clear what part is fantasy and what part is practice.
> 
> You have to admit from the perspective of someone purely from the outside looking in the feeder subculture can look rather out there if not abusive. People will see some very extreme posts where self professed feeders put their feeder lifestyle ahead of the health, mobility and very lives of their partners and or objects of desires. Like the chorus of those chanting "gain! gain! gain!" no matter the circumstances. From that perspective, you can see why the subculture can be misunderstood if not downright feared and reviled.
> 
> ...


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## Obesus (Aug 12, 2007)

Thank you all for the gracious support, comments and questionings! Special thanks to Newlylarge for patience with us while we work on these issues. I think we are at a critical period for the community as a whole, since it is so divided and so poorly understood, even by us within it! There are many young people coming to this with desires that are not fully integrated or understood. I can appreciate that not everyone has put the same energy into understanding us, but that is certainly more of our responsibility in the final analysis.
There has to be a set of central points of reference for our experience and a set of ethical guidelines that can inform everyone inside and outside of our world what is appropriate and what is crossing boundaries. I think it takes some grounding in social psychology and I wish I were better equpped, although I will make that a priority in my work in psychology. I think everyone's experience will be critical to the entirety of such a resource and I see this as a community endeavour. The core guidance has to be the longevity of this sexual/magical/cultural practice, since it has roots back to the Megalithic era, almost 5,000 years ago. That is the rock upon which this house is built. I am hoping that there can be some input from many of us on our perspectives and experiences, because that is what makes the timbers of the house to rise into the skies! :bow:


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## FaxMachine1234 (Aug 12, 2007)

Anyway, back to the OP, do you want people's different experiences with this kind of thing? Because your original response seems to show you're already having a lot of success with this, which is great.


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## Jack Skellington (Aug 12, 2007)

Obesus said:


> I am writing a comprehensive history, theory and guide to our subculture starting with the articles that I published in the mid-1980's and moving forward, with an eye to the archeological, anthropological, religious, bibliographical and social-psychology aspects



Coolness. Sounds like a fascinating read.



Obesus said:


> There has to be a set of central points of reference for our experience and a set of ethical guidelines that can inform everyone inside and outside of our world what is appropriate and what is crossing boundaries.



I think that would help considerably. A subculture without limits or ethics can only further alienate itself and eventually self destruct. 



> I think it takes some grounding in social psychology and I wish I were better equpped,



Obesus, I really can't think of anyone better equipped than you to do this.


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## Waxwing (Aug 13, 2007)

I'm doing my best to make every board uninviting and unsafe for anyone of any gender.

Actually in all seriousness I have noticed that there isn't as much conversation/encouragement about BHM Feedees, and it would be great if they could get equal time on this board as well.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Aug 13, 2007)

I think this article might prove helpful, and I really am sorry to have caused offense. =/

How to get fat


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## FaxMachine1234 (Aug 13, 2007)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> I think this article might prove helpful, and I really am sorry to have caused offense. =/
> 
> How to get fat



I thought your post was funny, myself.  And what happened to the original guy anyway? Everybody's getting offended on behalf of someone who isn't even here.


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## exile in thighville (Aug 13, 2007)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> I think this article might prove helpful, and I really am sorry to have caused offense. =/
> 
> How to get fat




Seriously, Fuzzy, it's become a tough deal here. On one hand, I consider myself to have an excellent sense of humor, and I know you meant no harm by your post so I feelt bad about patronizing you for this shootdown.

But on the other, I really loathe what's happened to this board. It is NOT a forum for sexual fantasies or inquisitions anymore. I've begun to really despise seeing non-feeder/feedees posting here at all. I'd like to say that this community is open-minded enough for those without the fetish (or a need to talk sexxx period) should be allowed to read and contribute here but the snarkiness is just too much. People I seriously respect and love to hear from have left the board entirely because the focus has been lost, and many more are afraid to post sincere meditations on their fetishes because there's a stigma of appearing less intelligent by conceding your sexuality rather than posting some I-don't-have-this-fetish-but-I-have-something-goofy-to-contribute anyway. Which is CRAZY because this is a fucking anonymous web board where people should be able to lose all inhibitions. No matter how good-natured the jokes are, I have to say, they've become unwelcome. I accept your apology on a personal level and appreciate that you contributed something useful in its place, but it's just not enough to relieve the anti-fetish air here. The people who contribute the once-harmless banter know who they are. I hate to be the humorless bad guy. But there's been no interesting, relevant topics here in ages except for (admittedly fun) excuses to post pics. I'd just like to see the little bits of true content not be aborted before they've even been seen by the "relevant" parties. I hate this technicality bullshit and lobby for a strictly feeder/feedee board.


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## Jack Skellington (Aug 13, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> But on the other, I really loathe what's happened to this board. It is NOT a forum for sexual fantasies or inquisitions anymore.



Dan, I think we are all agreeing that the non-feeders need to be more tolerant. But the feeder subculture is in need of some serious self reflection as well and examine why the weight room might have become as it has. 

As I mentioned before BBWs are stuck between a rock and a hard place. The culture outside of dims rejects them for being fat. The culture inside of dims rejects them for not being fat enough. Either way it is pounded into their heads no matter what they will never be good enough. So they are basically screwed.

The subculture needs to examine it's ethical boundaries and responsibilities with in the size acceptance community. Feeders need to understand that maybe some of the negative views that people on the outside looking in have of the subculture maybe not totally unfounded. 

If the subculture policed itself better, as it were, and weeded out the obvious extremists and abusers the general SA community would be far less likely to have any kind of negative opinion. You would think more than anyone the responsible feeder/feedees themselves would want to come down the hardest on the people and posts that give their community a bad name.

To sum up, basically both sides need to respect each others limits.


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 13, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> ...But on the other, I really loathe what's happened to this board. It is NOT a forum for sexual fantasies or inquisitions anymore. I've begun to really despise seeing non-feeder/feedees posting here at all. I'd like to say that this community is open-minded enough for those without the fetish (or a need to talk sexxx period) should be allowed to read and contribute here but the snarkiness is just too much. People I seriously respect and love to hear from have left the board entirely because the focus has been lost, and many more are afraid to post sincere meditations on their fetishes because there's a stigma of appearing less intelligent by conceding your sexuality rather than posting some I-don't-have-this-fetish-but-I-have-something-goofy-to-contribute anyway. Which is CRAZY because this is a fucking anonymous web board where people should be able to lose all inhibitions. No matter how good-natured the jokes are, I have to say, they've become unwelcome....(*snip*).. But there's been no interesting, relevant topics here in ages except for (admittedly fun) excuses to post pics...




Dan, I'm sure you've noticed that we're trying to make this a safe place again. Maybe we do need to be stricter about what is posted here - maybe it's those above mentioned fun photo threads that have been attracting dims members who are not feeders/feedees or of the gaining or fat fantasy mindset. They do muddle the topic of the board.

You mention there have been no interesting on topic threads for a while. Let's do some brainstorming and get some threads going. You up for it? I am!


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## FaxMachine1234 (Aug 13, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> Seriously, Fuzzy, it's become a tough deal here. On one hand, I consider myself to have an excellent sense of humor, and I know you meant no harm by your post so I feelt bad about patronizing you for this shootdown.
> 
> But on the other, I really loathe what's happened to this board. It is NOT a forum for sexual fantasies or inquisitions anymore. I've begun to really despise seeing non-feeder/feedees posting here at all. I'd like to say that this community is open-minded enough for those without the fetish (or a need to talk sexxx period) should be allowed to read and contribute here but the snarkiness is just too much. People I seriously respect and love to hear from have left the board entirely because the focus has been lost, and many more are afraid to post sincere meditations on their fetishes because there's a stigma of appearing less intelligent by conceding your sexuality rather than posting some I-don't-have-this-fetish-but-I-have-something-goofy-to-contribute anyway. Which is CRAZY because this is a fucking anonymous web board where people should be able to lose all inhibitions. No matter how good-natured the jokes are, I have to say, they've become unwelcome. I accept your apology on a personal level and appreciate that you contributed something useful in its place, but it's just not enough to relieve the anti-fetish air here. The people who contribute the once-harmless banter know who they are. I hate to be the humorless bad guy. But there's been no interesting, relevant topics here in ages except for (admittedly fun) excuses to post pics. I'd just like to see the little bits of true content not be aborted before they've even been seen by the "relevant" parties. I hate this technicality bullshit and lobby for a strictly feeder/feedee board.



I agree that the Weight Board isn't as "focused" as it should be, or as it's been in the past (and I wish I could help, but I sadly don't have a lot to say on the topic, tho I enjoy reading about it). But I don't think it needs to act as a private advice board in which everything is treated solemnly as part of the human experience and there's no room to approach it from a maybe light-hearted angle. Newlylarge's thread is hard to respond to because as soon as he asked a question, he gave a great response to it that was undoubtedly better than one anybody else could come up with. Therefore, Fuzzy went the other route and threw out a funny aside, like anyone would do in a genuine conversation. If I were newlylarge, I would've held off on my own response until other people had gotten a chance to see the thread, though again, it's not like he's been back to see the argument that's taken route here that I guarantee he didn't intend.

I think the fact that the Weight Board is here at all is all Dimensions has reponsibility for concerning this. Keeping in mind that most pro-fat organizations (like NAAFA) are against feederism in the first place, it's great that we have such an established forum to talk about this stuff. But the second you raise a fuss and say "Stop making fun! We take this stuff too seriously for that!", it kinda takes the easy charm out of the place. If you want discussion to be steered a certain way, then post a topic (as you guys have done in the past to great success). Or respond to the original OP, for crying out loud! But please, let's not jump on anybody else for making a harmless joke; it's not right.


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## Jack Skellington (Aug 13, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> Maybe we do need to be stricter about what is posted here - maybe it's those above mentioned fun photo threads that have been attracting dims members who are not feeders/feedees or of the gaining or fat fantasy mindset. They do muddle the topic of the board.



If the light hearted sexy photo threads are so bothersome to the feeders, why not move them to the lounge?


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 13, 2007)

Jack Skellington said:


> If the light hearted sexy photo threads are so bothersome to the feeders, why not move them to the lounge?



I don't think they are bothersome to the feeders, Jack. They just aren't specifically on topic. I know traditionally the WB is the place for sexy pics that aren't promoting a paysite, so I think that's why they're here.

Whether or not they are contributing to the lack of focus of the topics at hand might need to be considered.


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## Jack Skellington (Aug 13, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> Whether or not they are contributing to the lack of focus of the topics at hand might need to be considered.



I totally agree they are not directly related to forum topic and evidently the photo and humor threads are an irritant (however mild) to the feeders otherwise Dan wouldn't have brought it up. So my point was wouldn't it be best in everyone's interest to move them to the lounge were they would be both on topic and appreciated?

Many non-feeder people, like myself, wouldn't even need to come here then. The pictures and humor posts and threads go where they are appreciated and keeps the weight room on topic. Everybody wins.


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 13, 2007)

Jack Skellington said:


> I totally agree they are not directly related to forum topic and evidently the photo and humor threads are an irritant (however mild) to the feeders otherwise Dan wouldn't have brought it up. So my point was wouldn't it be best in everyone's interest to move them to the lounge were they would be both on topic and appreciated?
> 
> Many non-feeder people, like myself, wouldn't even need to come here then. The pictures and humor posts and threads go where they are appreciated and keeps the weight room on topic. Everybody wins.




I think it's a good point (and I tend to agree). But it's not up to me alone.

I'll let you know what we decide.

Thanks, Jack.


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## Jack Skellington (Aug 13, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> I think it's a good point (and I tend to agree). But it's not up to me alone.
> 
> I'll let you know what we decide.



Coolness, thanks SVS.


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## troubadours (Aug 14, 2007)

Jack Skellington said:


> Dan, I think we are all agreeing that the non-feeders need to be more tolerant. But the feeder subculture is in need of some serious self reflection as well and examine why the weight room might have become as it has.



We don't have to do shit. We want our own community. We aren't part of the size acceptance community and we have no place of our own other than as a canker sore on the size so-called acceptance community. if someone has a problem with the "feeder subculture", they shouldn't participate in it. a whole fucking fetish doesn't have to answer for its dumber practitioners any more than a metal band has to answer for its one out of a million fans who turns out to be a psychopath. this board has become grossly desexualized by giggly prudes who are here to roll their eyes and feel superior. the fact there's a fucking sticky on the "feeder mentality"--what a freak show we must be to have to explain ourselves in our own damn safe haven.

EDIT: this is dan ex machina (as you can probably tell), I didn't realize my gf was logged in, so don't direct your answers at her.


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## troubadours (Aug 14, 2007)

Ekim said:


> I agree that the Weight Board isn't as "focused" as it should be, or as it's been in the past (and I wish I could help, but I sadly don't have a lot to say on the topic, tho I enjoy reading about it). But I don't think it needs to act as a private advice board in which everything is treated solemnly as part of the human experience



(again Dan ex Machina, not troubadours here)

No, that's not it at all. It's that people who don't have the fetish or interest in it believe they're somehow qualified to express an opinion on it, which is akin to a straight person going to a gay board and making snarky jokes from a clear psychological distance. I'd be okay with the sense of humor here, as I said, if it wasn't completely obvious that only newbs ever post on-topic queries anymore, and they quickly learn how frustrating it is to be open about your fetish when the only people responding to your posts are like "I don't have this fetish or anything relevant to say, but here's my snarky-ass two cents." Those are really the ONLY posts that ever come out anymore, otherwise I wouldn't take issue.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 14, 2007)

troubadours said:


> We don't have to do shit. We want our own community. We aren't part of the size acceptance community and we have no place of our own other than as a canker sore on the size so-called acceptance community. if someone has a problem with the "feeder subculture", they shouldn't participate in it. a whole fucking fetish doesn't have to answer for its dumber practitioners any more than a metal band has to answer for its one out of a million fans who turns out to be a psychopath. this board has become grossly desexualized by giggly prudes who are here to roll their eyes and feel superior. the fact there's a fucking sticky on the "feeder mentality"--what a freak show we must be to have to explain ourselves in our own damn safe haven.
> 
> EDIT: this is dan ex machina (as you can probably tell), I didn't realize my gf was logged in, so don't direct your answers at her.




Troub gets free Rep for Dan's post!


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## Kortana (Aug 14, 2007)

As a fairly new person to this forum here's what I have noticed. My BF comes on the weightboard- he is defintely in to the fetish, whereas I am not. He introduced me to the board so that I could understand him a bit better (I guess..LOL).

When I first started reading, I noticed the sticky but most of the topics/discussions really weren't on that wave length. So I went with the flow.

How many new people come onto the board? Could we "newbies" be following the others trend? Maybe a clean up of non-related topics could be done in order to give feeders/feedees their space back?


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## Jack Skellington (Aug 14, 2007)

> We don't have to do shit. We want our own community.



Dan, I'm trying to show the outside looking in perspective so both sides can better understand each other. If you are going to lash out at those trying to help and trying to understand, the gloves are off baby.  

No, actually I am still going to try to be helpful. What can I say, I'm in a good mood. 

Like I mentioned earlier clearing out the threads the feeders find off topic, like the humor, picture, threads, etc. would give the feeders their pure feeder community they seem to desire.


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## Jack Skellington (Aug 14, 2007)

Ekim said:


> And thirdly, the OP said he didn't care about it in the first place, so can we please stop hijacking this poor man's thread?



I just saw this. That's a very good point. Maybe one of the mods can split the off topic parts of this thread into its own discussion? People say they want a serious feeder topic. Well, here it is. It's a great chance to have an open serious dialogue to get a better understanding of each other.


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 14, 2007)

*Bump*......


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## Wagimawr (Aug 14, 2007)

Is it a bad sign that this thread is bigger than the related-to-weight-gain-itself thread that spawned it?


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## Mini (Aug 14, 2007)

Wagimawr said:


> Is it a bad sign that this thread is bigger than the related-to-weight-gain-itself thread that spawned it?



I think what it says is that the board needs stricter moderation.

Yes, we know, tactless accounts of BBW "sightings" aren't your thing. Great. SO STOP POSTING IN THE THREADS.

I've no great love for feeder/feedee-related discussion (too creepy in most cases), so I tend to stay away from it. (Except in cases of blatant trolling, which hearkens back to the need for a greater mod presence, IMO.)

I dunno. Just thinking out loud.


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## mossystate (Aug 14, 2007)

Perhaps there should be no picture threads allowed on this board, then, the folks who are protesting loudest for this particular place to get back to its original purpose, can get down to ' business ' . I would say though that many of the folks who enjoy the picture threads, need to realize that without non-feeders/feedees participating, their eye candy would be greatly reduced.. 

I guess it almost seems that this board needs to be very strict in its intentions and how it is monitored..or dismantled... or have people have to sign in to the board itself ( I know..way too much..lol ) and given the rules, and if they do not follow them..bounce. The lure of humor and spirited discussion..and pics...if they are gone..many of us would be, and, from the looks of it, that would be welcomed..and aint nuthin wrong with that..I do actually understand...*s*


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## Ample Pie (Aug 14, 2007)

Jack Skellington said:


> Dan, I'm trying to show the outside looking in perspective so both sides can better understand each other. If you are going to lash out at those trying to help and trying to understand, the gloves are off baby.



And I think Dan's saying that we don't need to be _understood_; so much as simply allowed to enjoy the space given to us without being pissed on every time we make a comment.

So you don't understand the fetish? So what. I don't understand your love of dolls and action figures, doesn't mean I'm going to piss on you about it. The point is, I don't have to understand you to respect your space.

ps: on the topic of picture threads, I personally like them when they show off the progress people have been making in gaining. Maybe I'm naive but I thought that's what some of them were all about anyway.


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## LoveBHMS (Aug 14, 2007)

As far as mods having greater oversite, I'm all for it. Because none, zero, zilch, nada of what is tolerated on this board would be tolerated elsewhere.

Would a joking, light hearted mockery of a paysite girl's appearance be tolerated? Nope.

Would it be tolerated on the clothing board if somebody wrote "Look, this is just my opinion but I think if you go out in public in that outfit you are just asking to be ridiculed because it makes you look like a water buffalo. And it's totally ok to insult you because it's just my opinion."

And hey, as an average sized woman who likes fat guys, maybe I should be allowed to opine that I think fat GIRLS are pretty icky looking. Like "OK, I totally love fat dudes, because that is my thing, but I can not understand at all how anyone could find a SSBBW attractive. Sorry, but I just do not get it."

And none of that stuff happens for the simple reason that 99.999% of adults understand that it's poor etiquette to express opinions of that nature in those venues. As Elle Camino once so aptly put it, very few people would bother seeking out a message board geared towards hat collecting and write a post asking the hat collectors why they were so crazy about hats.


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## AnnMarie (Aug 14, 2007)

Historically, despite any wording that seems more restrictive on the tiny description, the WB has _always _contained images and topics of fat sexuality that either do or don't relate directly to feeding/gaining. Conrad's own words send sexy/sensual images that are NOT paysite related to be posted on the WB, that's how it is now and has been for many years (and far before this board system).

At this time the plan is to more carefully encourage topics that are feed-specific for those who are interested in them. What will happen with the rest is fine to discuss, but ultimately the fate, structure, and tone of any board is up to Conrad. 

SVS and I have ideas and things we'd like to work on, bring up with him, etc. I would hope that the desire to make things better would be enough to at least keep the natives calm for a bit... give it some time to find a path, let's see where we end up.


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## Midori (Aug 14, 2007)

I started a thread recently that wasn't very well recieved ... asking my own questions about the nature of real time feeder/feedee relationships. I am specifically interested in them with regards to any roll over into power exchange relationships which is my own main sexual or relationship dynamic draw. It was a difficult thread and I didn't get a lot of feedback. I think mostly because I am new and people are reluctant to open up to someone new for fear of hidden motives or agendas. 

I find myself very drawn to SOME aspects that I -imagine- to be a part or I would like to be a part of some sort of feeder/feedee relationship for myself ... however it's certainly not easy to discuss with everyone. There was a thread on the Hyde Park board recently that was old and then revived that discussed radical or what I'd call -edge- feeder/feedee relationships and one of the things that I mentioned in my post is the need for dialouge and guidelines ... education for the whole community to help protect it from would be predators and from abuses. It seems that there needs to be less vilification and judgement and more mature open conversation and safe haven for discussion so that those people who are the extremist and who are simply abusive aren't the ones setting the standard for the commonalities of this sub-culture. 

I mentioned that ideally those who have been around a good while and are very established in the community would rise up and begin to help set some standards and open up honest dialouge so that those like myself who are interested can discover what is reasonable and what is unreasonable to expect in a feeder/feedee relationship. It's good to see that you are already tackling these issues and I look forward to seeing some threads and dialouge about the topics here so that those with interest can learn ... both safety points and how to set goals and expectations. 

A healthy community is a responsible community and if one is big enough to have traffic and many visitors ... it does behoove those -elders- to help educate, lead, and protect so that the beauty of the -sub-culture- is not prostituted away in abuses and abused people who give the rest a bad name.
In a perfect world ... perhaps there wouldn't be a need for self regulation ... but we all know ... this world is far from perfect! I commend you and others who are echoing your sentiments!

&#9834;midori



Obesus said:


> There has to be a set of central points of reference for our experience and a set of ethical guidelines that can inform everyone inside and outside of our world what is appropriate and what is crossing boundaries. I think it takes some grounding in social psychology and I wish I were better equpped, although I will make that a priority in my work in psychology. I think everyone's experience will be critical to the entirety of such a resource and I see this as a community endeavour. The core guidance has to be the longevity of this sexual/magical/cultural practice, since it has roots back to the Megalithic era, almost 5,000 years ago. That is the rock upon which this house is built. I am hoping that there can be some input from many of us on our perspectives and experiences, because that is what makes the timbers of the house to rise into the skies! :bow:


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## fanofdimensions (Aug 14, 2007)

well duh, despite all the descriptions of said board, the fact is this place is no "safe haven" for the things it professes to discuss, has been that way for literally over 10 years....you're just realizing it now?

too bad because thre are many ways this fantasy can be fine for a lot of folks ,and there's offshoots not discussed at all because...well...things get hostile superfast here...


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## Rowan (Aug 14, 2007)

Personally...im not into the whole feeding/gaining thing or however you want to term it. In fact, I don't even go to that section of the forums and to be honest, if any one has a problem with any section in these boards, they should just avoid them altogether for arguments sake.

But that's just my underrated two cents


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## Rowan (Aug 14, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> And hey, as an average sized woman who likes fat guys, maybe I should be allowed to opine that I think fat GIRLS are pretty icky looking. Like "OK, I totally love fat dudes, because that is my thing, but I can not understand at all how anyone could find a SSBBW attractive. Sorry, but I just do not get it."



Ouuuuch..and I thought we had something special  lol


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## Wagimawr (Aug 14, 2007)

Mini said:


> Yes, we know, tactless accounts of BBW "sightings" aren't your thing. Great. SO STOP POSTING IN THE THREADS.


Exactly what I'm seeing. Yeah, guys who are interested in "sightings" and "biggest [insert body part here]" and the "meat market"/"zoo" type observations are pretty slimy guys.

Guess what? Everybody else knows it, and most likely, the guys in question know it and just don't care; revel in it, even. Making a big stink about it (and especially if the stink is made through vague, nonspecific snark) isn't going to change a damn thing except maybe make somebody feel good about sticking up for their gender.


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## mossystate (Aug 14, 2007)

Understanding that this particular idea that making a big stink will not change a person who is so clueless, can seep out into all areas here in Dims, I wil make sure I call attention to any post I see from people who hold this opinion, if they themselves..slip up..and do any ranting..no need to thank me...


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## FreeThinker (Aug 14, 2007)

fanofdimensions said:


> ...despite all the descriptions of said board, the fact is this place is no "safe haven" for the things it professes to discuss, has been that way for literally over 10 years...
> 
> Too bad because there are many ways this fantasy can be fine for a lot of folks, and there's offshoots not discussed at all because...well...things get hostile superfast here...



True, but for a reason.

I'm of the opinion that those expressing such "offshoot" desires or fantasies are often (and sometimes incorrectly) perceived as potential trolls.

This can happen for one of two reasons:

*1:* Obviously, we've had trolls on the boards many times.

*2:* Some of us have become so over-analytical of ourselves and hyper-aware of our own preferences/desires existing outside of the mainstream that we have suspicions about anyone sharing even a fraction of what turns us on, much less a person who professes to have tastes that go even beyond our own.


By way of example, in high school, I was a fan of country music at a time that it was very unusual to be, particularly in this area. Thus, when, upon hearing of my appreciation for the genre, someone would tell me they were also a country music fan, I would then feel that this person's agenda was one of mockery, and not one of relating shared interests.


I am neither an apologist for, nor a disapprover of, those here who would "pile-on" a poster who may come across as particularly vociferous in regard to their turn-ons. I can neither condemn nor commend vehement reactions to such posts as, on any given day, I may find myself in complete agreement with such a stance, or dead-set against it, depending upon how expansive or defensive I might be feeling at the time, due to such variables as how much sleep I have gotten, what kind of day I was having, what I read on the other boards, world events, or any number of other factors.

I can, however, understand how some earnest posters could be viewed with suspicion.

A standup comedian (whose name I can't recall right now) once said there are two kinds of drivers: Idiots and maniacs. An idiot is anyone who drives slower than you, and a maniac is anyone who drives faster than you.

To apply this paradigm here, there would be two kinds of posters: Closed-minded and freaks. Someone who is not into your kinks is closed-minded, and someone with kinks you're not into is a freak.

(Not directed at you, *fanofdimensions*, but at the abstract "you/we")

I am glad that we, on Dimensions, do not all share the same fantasies, fetishes, and foibles.

If I wanted complete accord, I'd just talk to myself.


"Safe haven?"


It's the internet. There are no safe havens.


It would be nice to remain an island of civility, however, and should this island need a few moderators in light destroyers patrolling its waters, so be it. That said, one should keep in mind that those guns could be turned to shore.

It's the Great Compromise: Freedom or protection. More of one for less of the other.


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## Wagimawr (Aug 14, 2007)

mossystate said:


> Understanding that this particular idea that making a big stink will not change a person who is so clueless, can seep out into all areas here in Dims, I wil make sure I call attention to any post I see from people who hold this opinion, if they themselves..slip up..and do any ranting..no need to thank me...


As is your right, of course. :bow:


FreeThinker said:


> It's the internet. There are no safe havens.


Another grand truth.


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## Tooz (Aug 14, 2007)

It's probably pretty obvious that I'd side with Dan, Rebecca and whoever else is on that side-- there is a LOT of snarky crap that goes down. Okay, so someone presents their request/question/etc. in an idiotic way. Do you honestly think you're going to be able to change how they present themselves? Making fun of them, good-natured or not, does nothing. I think things are getting a little out of hand, and feeders/feedees do not owe anyone an explanation by default. If a newbie wants to know what it is, they can either learn from context or just ask.

So, yeah. I'm happy the mods are so nice and actually listen to the issues people bring up.


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## FaxMachine1234 (Aug 14, 2007)

I think maybe it'd best to make a clear distinction between the Weight Board and the Main Dimensions Board and the Loung, because I don't think it's clearly obvious where one begins and one ends. Rather then telling people they aren't welcome on parts of the board because they don't have a particular sexual fetish, just transfer their thread to the appropriate board so there's no muddling of each board's theme.

And I'd say that when there's differing opinion on the Weight Board, people ought to chill out, but I guess that's not gonna be happening soon.


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## exile in thighville (Aug 14, 2007)

Rebecca said:


> And I think Dan's saying that we don't need to be _understood_; so much as simply allowed to enjoy the space given to us without being pissed on every time we make a comment.
> 
> So you don't understand the fetish? So what. I don't understand your love of dolls and action figures, doesn't mean I'm going to piss on you about it. The point is, I don't have to understand you to respect your space.



YES



AnnMarie said:


> SVS and I have ideas and things we'd like to work on, bring up with him, etc. I would hope that the desire to make things better would be enough to at least keep the natives calm for a bit... give it some time to find a path, let's see where we end up.



COOL


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## exile in thighville (Aug 14, 2007)

ALSO, NO MORE GIVING MY GIRLFRIEND REP ~:bow: AT ALL~ KTHXBAI


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## Mini (Aug 14, 2007)

mossystate said:


> Understanding that this particular idea that making a big stink will not change a person who is so clueless, can seep out into all areas here in Dims, I wil make sure I call attention to any post I see from people who hold this opinion, if they themselves..slip up..and do any ranting..no need to thank me...



Personally, I give me a week before being a hypocrite again.


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## mossystate (Aug 14, 2007)

Mini said:


> Personally, I give me a week before being a hypocrite again.



If I didn't think you were a whiny baby, I would rep you for your honesty..ah, hell, let's make it Xmas in August..heh.


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## Mini (Aug 14, 2007)

mossystate said:


> If I didn't think you were a whiny baby, I would rep you for your honesty..ah, hell, let's make it Xmas in August..heh.



Hey, I'm young. The world still owes me, remember?


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## exile in thighville (Aug 14, 2007)

Mini said:


> Hey, I'm young. The world still owes me, remember?



I definitely owe you a wet fart. :kiss2:


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## mossystate (Aug 14, 2007)

Mini said:


> Hey, I'm young. The world still owes me, remember?



Let me demonstrate what the world owes you..heh..and it won't be as fun for you as the wet fart.


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## elle camino (Aug 15, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> As Elle Camino once so aptly put it, very few people would bother seeking out a message board geared towards hat collecting and write a post asking the hat collectors why they were so crazy about hats.


hah! i was just remembering that post as i was reading the first part of this thread. 
now i will post without reading the second half. i live on the edge.

my opinion has not changed since i made that post. but! that remark was in response to a (current at the time i made it) slew of threads made by newly registered folks asking stuff along the lines of 'ok i understand you guys like fat chicks. but...why? how could you ever _like_ that?' or basically the same thing, only replace 'fat chicks' with feeding/gaining. 
it would be completely pointless and silly to come here and make a thread or a ton of comments along the lines of 'why the hell are you folks so darn _into_ this?'. absolutely. but i don't think it's like THAT nuts for other members of this community to read the threads here, and give their two cents, be they feeders/gainers or not. there obviously should be a basic level of respect involved, and if someone gets out of line with namecalling or threatening or personally insulting, by all means, banhammer (or...deletehammer) away. but honestly, a subculture that completely seals itself off from any dissenting or simply differing input whatsoever will never, ever thrive. 

but hey by all means, if whomever's ultimately in charge around here wants to change the subforum heading to 'positive opinions about weight gain fantasy issues only', then those of us who might not always be able to guarantee positive opinions will know to stay the hell away and let the rest of you folks hang out in total agreement about everything.


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## mossystate (Aug 15, 2007)

elle..that was a magnificent post...


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 15, 2007)

elle camino said:


> ....but hey by all means, if whomever's ultimately in charge around here wants to change the subforum heading to 'positive opinions about weight gain fantasy issues only', then those of us who might not always be able to guarantee positive opinions will know to stay the hell away and let the rest of you folks hang out in total agreement about everything.



I understand your point. But it's less healthy for folks to continually hammer away at people who are trying to post their on-topic thoughts. Would you go to the Paysite board and continually criticize paysite models if you weren't a fan of Paysites? It wouldn't be tolerated there, and it can't be tolerated here. 

And as I said a few minutes ago in another thread, it isn't even that people are posting dissenting opinions, it's the WAY they post them. Snarkiness, name calling, just overall meanness. It's just not necessary.


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## elle camino (Aug 15, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> And as I said a few minutes ago in another thread, it isn't even that people are posting dissenting opinions, it's the WAY they post them. Snarkiness, name calling, just overall meanness. It's just not necessary.


agreed.
but you have to admit, not everyone is this tolerant of the variety of opinions in here. even the ones which are respectfully worded. just like there are knobs who come in here and bash feeders and gainers for their preferences, there are other knobs who adopt kind of a 'if this doesn't turn your crank too, get the hell out or shut the hell up' attitude. 
all i'm saying is that letting EITHER of those mentalities become too pervasive is pretty much guaranteed to cause this topic to totally stagnate on dimensions. 
at least that's what i think.


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## AnnMarie (Aug 15, 2007)

elle camino said:


> agreed.
> but you have to admit, not everyone is this tolerant of the variety of opinions in here. even the ones which are respectfully worded. just like there are knobs who come in here and bash feeders and gainers for their preferences, there are other knobs who adopt kind of a 'if this doesn't turn your crank too, get the hell out or shut the hell up' attitude.
> all i'm saying is that letting EITHER of those mentalities become too pervasive is pretty much guaranteed to cause this topic to totally stagnate on dimensions.
> at least that's what i think.



But the bottom line of this board is that it is a topic that is not merely tolerated but welcome. The board is here for those topics to be discussed and enjoyed and explored, not discussed and picked apart like chicken on a bone, which is really all that happens here time and time and time again. 

Randi and I had a lengthy conversation with Conrad this evening and there are some changes we're discussing, along with the ability to maintain a stricter line of what is and is not "ok" in terms of how people express themselves. No one wants to babysit, which is why we're saying the same thing over and over again about what the tone should be and should not be. We're hoping that doing so will start to weed out those with genuine interest or curiosity from those who merely come here to look for something to jump on.

For those who feel the picture threads (belly/butt, etc) are misplaced here... that is not the case. They are meant to be on the WB and Conrad confirmed that tonight. He agreed that this board was set up to be a safe venue for fat/gain/fantasy talk, etc, including weight gain AND fat sexuality (and he's edited the subtitle on this forum to reflect that fact). 

The amount of times a questioning or opposing opinion is expressed in a respectful, inquisitive manner is in the far minority here. In fact two of the few I recall approaching this appropriately in the past few months are Waxwing and Midori. I know there are more, but those two leap to mind. 

The point is that this board WILL move to being a safer place for those posts and topics for veterans and newbies alike, and if that means heavier moderation and more discussions like this to get our point across, then that is what will happen.


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## elle camino (Aug 15, 2007)

seriously guys, if it seriously upsets you to have your preferences not be shared, do what you have to do to make this board what you want it to be. i wasn't being glib about changing the forum heading, at all. because right now it does lead the reader to believe it's a board about erotic weight gain and fat sexuality, period. not just a place for people of one unanimous opinion on erotic weight gain and fat sexuality. 
i think it's safe to assume that guidelines like 'don't be an outright jerk' and 'don't make personal insults or threats' are implied and don't have to be clearly delineated on a board full of adults such as this one, but stuff like 'if any of this freaks you out, keep it to yourself, regardless of how you're planning on wording your opinion' i think does warrant a clearly stated rule. 
after that point, fair warning has been given and let the chips fall where they may.


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## FaxMachine1234 (Aug 15, 2007)

elle camino said:


> agreed.
> but you have to admit, not everyone is this tolerant of the variety of opinions in here. even the ones which are respectfully worded. just like there are knobs who come in here and bash feeders and gainers for their preferences, there are other knobs who adopt kind of a 'if this doesn't turn your crank too, get the hell out or shut the hell up' attitude.
> all i'm saying is that letting EITHER of those mentalities become too pervasive is pretty much guaranteed to cause this topic to totally stagnate on dimensions.
> at least that's what i think.



Excellent, excellent, excelent.




AnnMarie said:


> But the bottom line of this board is that it is a topic that is not merely tolerated but welcome. The board is here for those topics to be discussed and enjoyed and explored, not discussed and picked apart like chicken on a bone, which is really all that happens here time and time and time again.
> 
> Randi and I had a lengthy conversation with Conrad this evening and there are some changes we're discussing, along with the ability to maintain a stricter line of what is and is not "ok" in terms of how people express themselves. No one wants to babysit, which is why we're saying the same thing over and over again about what the tone should be and should not be. We're hoping that doing so will start to weed out those with genuine interest or curiosity from those who merely come here to look for something to jump on.
> 
> ...



I'm just worried that the vastly overstated case of people "attacking" feederism will lead to moderation crackdown when it's not needed. For example, this is kind of a typical feederism/gainer thread:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27232

And in this case, it seems like everybody's pretty positive, with no one tearing the OP down or anything. It seems like nowadays whenever someone posts anything that makes those in the feederism community feel like they're being joked about (even an innocent offhand comment like Fuzzy's), they get crucified almost immediately as an "outsider" (and I thought Obesus's comment especially raised the drama level unneccessarily). Like what elle camino said, the more this community starts getting defensive over minor slights, the more we'll be seen as seen a fringe group that can't stand up under scrutiny. And I'd hate to see that happen, 'cause I don't think that's what Dimensions is.

(NOTE: I have been off-and-on in the gaining realm for the last 7 years, though I don't know what my position is on that at the moment. Regardless, 'tis my context.)


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## troubadours (Aug 15, 2007)

this is actually jen this time, not dan, and you can feel free to rep me as much as possible :batting:

anywho... being new here and into gaining, i thought it would be really nice to come onto the weight board and discuss what i'm into with other people who are into it, trading ideas and hearing stories and such. however, it was a bit different than i was expecting... threads of pictures (which are fun and fine, don't get me wrong.. i thought it was a great way to introduce myself) were equal to the amount of threads where people who were serious about gaining were being mocked by others (regardless of whether or not they "understand" it) who aren't. there was no in between, i felt, for serious weight gain related fantasy discussions. the problem starts when the jokes start outnumbering the advice and actual discussion.

i don't think anyone in defense of the whole "making the weight board a safe haven" movement is out of line at all. my honest opinion is that if you aren't into it, have never done it, don't even really understand it, you shouldn't be giving advice or poking fun.

and thats really that. i'm happy to see that i've joined a forum where mods actually care about what people have to say and have their backs.. its a nice feeling.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 15, 2007)

elle camino said:


> agreed.
> but you have to admit, not everyone is this tolerant of the variety of opinions in here. even the ones which are respectfully worded. just like there are knobs who come in here and bash feeders and gainers for their preferences, there are other knobs who adopt kind of a 'if this doesn't turn your crank too, get the hell out or shut the hell up' attitude.
> all i'm saying is that letting EITHER of those mentalities become too pervasive is pretty much guaranteed to cause this topic to totally stagnate on dimensions.
> at least that's what i think.



The thing is, these varying opinions and dissenting snarks create a lot of muck around here that derail almost every thread that goes up. The balance is so off that it has weighted down the board. It's like someone posting an iquiry about what wine goes best with steak on a cooking board and a bunch of people shitting up the thread with stupid questions like, "What's wine," "What's steak," "I like bananas," "I'm vegan, can't cook and don't drink but my opinion is....." And there's always someone to respond to these dumb assed questions which hijacks the whole thread into a discussion about titty pasties and corn chips and that's only when the inquiries are respectful. Threads get closed here on a regular basis moreso than anyplace else on the board. I like discussion too but must there be tangents in every thread? It has gotten so far out of hand that interested parties can't help but say, "What are you doing here?? Shut up and get the hell out of here if you dont get it." Overkill.


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## AnnMarie (Aug 15, 2007)

Ekim said:


> I'm just worried that the vastly overstated case of people "attacking" feederism will lead to moderation crackdown when it's not needed. For example, this is kind of a typical feederism/gainer thread:
> 
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27232
> 
> ...



It's Conrad's job to worry if anything we do turns into what he feels is over moderation, so don't worry about that. 

And that post you pointed to is not even close to the typical thread (it's not about the original post, it's about the thread path) about gaining around here. The reason she didn't get the "full treatment" is that people started in another thread, posted at the same time, by another girl with the "should I gain?" question, and the normal pattern was interrupted by a mod. 

That is the problem, that is what we're looking to turn around.


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## Ned Sonntag (Aug 15, 2007)

Midori said:


> I started a thread recently that wasn't very well recieved ... asking my own questions about the nature of real time feeder/feedee relationships. I am specifically interested in them with regards to any roll over into power exchange relationships which is my own main sexual or relationship dynamic draw. It was a difficult thread and I didn't get a lot of feedback. I think mostly because I am new and people are reluctant to open up to someone new for fear of hidden motives or agendas.
> 
> I find myself very drawn to SOME aspects that I -imagine- to be a part or I would like to be a part of some sort of feeder/feedee relationship for myself ... however it's certainly not easy to discuss with everyone. There was a thread on the Hyde Park board recently that was old and then revived that discussed radical or what I'd call -edge- feeder/feedee relationships and one of the things that I mentioned in my post is the need for dialouge and guidelines ... education for the whole community to help protect it from would be predators and from abuses. It seems that there needs to be less vilification and judgement and more mature open conversation and safe haven for discussion so that those people who are the extremist and who are simply abusive aren't the ones setting the standard for the commonalities of this sub-culture.
> 
> ...


 Now I've got to Google-or-Wikipedia that phrase up in terms of the Human Potential Movement... and the Self-Actualization Community it may have spawned.


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## Ned Sonntag (Aug 15, 2007)

The content level of the alimentary canal of the one... becomes the absolute- or total- prerogative of the other... on DailyKos they would call the opposite of such a 'top-down' approach... 'grass-roots'...! What cultural factory 'Manufactures the Consent' of the Governed? Is DIMENSIONS yet another cultural factory serving the Society of the Spectacle, or a DILBERTlike coping device... or a genuine portal to The Outside? Do I create Outsider Art, or merely a visual anodyne?


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## FaxMachine1234 (Aug 15, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> It's Conrad's job to worry if anything we do turns into what he feels is over moderation, so don't worry about that.
> 
> And that post you pointed to is not even close to the typical thread (it's not about the original post, it's about the thread path) about gaining around here. The reason she didn't get the "full treatment" is that people started in another thread, posted at the same time, by another girl with the "should I gain?" question, and the normal pattern was interrupted by a mod.
> 
> That is the problem, that is what we're looking to turn around.



Actually, the funny thing is that the thread you linked to mirrors the Newlylarge thread, in that someone interceded on the OP's behalf (supposedly) to raise a ruckus about people's treatment of others, when the OP had not even responded to their own thread yet to inform everybody if they were at all offended. And if the "full treatment" is having the bubble of gaining fantasy tempered a bit by reasonable observation...well, we all know the real world is much tougher.

That point is so obvious to be laughable, I know, but we seem to be acting under the assumption that Dimensions is supposed to be this utopian place where we should all agree and be pure bliss. I'm sorry, but we have too many personalities here for that to be the case, and some of them are going to disagree with others. If we don't have skin thick enough to deal with that, then that's a shame, because then we can't talk freely. I know I'm not gonna post something dissenting on the Weight Board if there's the threat of having my post edited or deleted by mods just because it's not rah rah feederism.

And can we all just meditate on the difference between something that's insulting, and something you just don't want to hear? There's a difference, though often the two do overlap.


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## AnnMarie (Aug 15, 2007)

Ekim said:


> Actually, the funny thing is that the thread you linked to mirrors the Newlylarge thread, in that someone interceded on the OP's behalf (supposedly) to raise a ruckus about people's treatment of others, when the OP had not even responded to their own thread yet to inform everybody if they were at all offended. And if the "full treatment" is having the bubble of gaining fantasy tempered a bit by reasonable observation...well, we all know the real world is much tougher.
> 
> That point is so obvious to be laughable, I know, but we seem to be acting under the assumption that Dimensions is supposed to be this utopian place where we should all agree and be pure bliss. I'm sorry, but we have too many personalities here for that to be the case, and some of them are going to disagree with others. If we don't have skin thick enough to deal with that, then that's a shame, because then we can't talk freely. I know I'm not gonna post something dissenting on the Weight Board if there's the threat of having my post edited or deleted by mods just because it's not rah rah feederism.
> 
> And can we all just meditate on the difference between something that's insulting, and something you just don't want to hear? There's a difference, though often the two do overlap.



You've jumped every gun. NO ONE has even remotely mentioned anything other than insults and hostility as needing to stop from the point of view of moderation. In fact we've been very clear that differing opinions are welcome, several times.


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## Emma (Aug 15, 2007)

I've tried really hard to get this board back on track two times. Both times starting many feederism related posts but somehow it just slips back to snarky remarks (which some my consider funny) and attacks against people for how they think. 

I don't get why people post on here if they're not into it, or are against it. I don't really post on hydepark because I'm not interested in what goes on there.


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## newlylarge (Aug 15, 2007)

I am glad that my original thread started a discussion about a matter which, it seems, is one of some concern to many on the forum even if it was inadvertent. As I said, I was a bit surprised because I had not perceived my new thread as really being about gaining, per se, and certainly not about feederism. For one thing, I suppose I did not think of myself, or my experiences with my girlfriend in those terms. Does that make any sense? I will try to explain.

Now the risk here is that I might offend those who are into feederism and gaining, so let me say that I respect the feelings and rights of such people and no offense is intended in my denial of classifying myself that way. But maybe I am being dishonest with myself.

So, as I implied, I do not think of myself as a gainer nor do I think of my girlfriend and I as feeder/feedee. I had used those terms in some of my earliest replies (as a new forum member), but I stopped when I read some threads that educated me as to some of the more extreme implications of those terms as well as of the term "gainer."

I guess I see it this way. I enjoy a few drinks once in a while, including social situations, but I would not consider myself a "drinker." Also in some social situations (often at bars), I will join my friends in having a few cigarettes. Likewise, I enjoy the occasional cigar. Even so, I do not consider myself a "smoker." But maybe some would beg to differ with my reasoning.

Similarly, I certainly had never intentionally gained weight before I met my girlfriend and she (finding that she liked the "look and feel" of a few pounds that I had gained unintentionally) asked me if I would be willing to gain more and even let her "assist" me by cooking for me. Additionally, she loved to cook and was happy to finally have someone to cook for which is how I had come to gain a few unintended pounds to begin with. So her cooking even more for me further satisfied her love of cooking as well as assisting in my weight gain. The point is that, independent of my relationship with my girlfriend and my desire to have helped her satisfy her newly discovered FFA preferences, I have no desire or plans to gain weight on my own.

My weight-gain while with my girlfriend took place over a period of about two years after which we both decided that I had become "large enough" and I stopped gaining. From the beginning, although we never had a specific size or weight in mind, we always knew there would be a "stopping point" which would occur long before things like health or mobility became an issue. Her interest was in seeing me, as she put it, "fatten-up," insofar as she had a preference for it in terms of physical attraction, but never to see me become anywhere near "huge" just for its own sake. In fact, I have recently begun losing some of that weight now that my girlfriend has returned home to Japan with the expiration of her H1B visa.

So I always regarded my weight gain in the context of my relationship with my girlfriend and not as something that I had an interest in independent of that. My gaining was in a limited circumstance and so, as with drinking and smoking in limited circumstances not making me think of myself as a drinker or a smoker, I had never thought of myself as a gainer. Now that I am losing some weight, does that make me a "loser"?  

Also, I had never viewed what my girlfriend and I did as feederism. At least, certainly once I learned what "feeder" and "feedee" means to most people here. Once again, I mean no offense if you are into feederism, but I do not think of myself as being into that.

As I said, maybe I am fooling myself or am in denial somehow. But can everyone see what I mean when I say that my experience was so specific to my relationship with my girlfriend (and was one I would not expect to occur again) that I did not view it as defining me as a "gainer" and certainly not as defining my girlfriend and I as feeder/feedee?

Postscript:

To further illustrate my point, I just noticed a new thread started by someone who is "looking to gain" and is, therefore, "looking for a feeder" who is up for a "challenge." I do not mention this to attack this person in any way, but merely as a contrast with my experience. I had not entered into my relationship with my girlfriend "looking to gain," I do not plan to gain on my own, I am not looking for someone else to "help me gain," and as I said, I am actually now losing some weight.

I think this demonstrates my point. Someone who says they are looking to gain and also looking for a feeder is a pretty good example of what I would consider to be both a gainer and a feedee. The difference between such an approach and what I experienced is why I do not consider myself a gainer or a feedee. Once again, if the person who started the thread I refered to is reading this, please do not take it as an attack on you or your thread. If anything, I thank you for helping me to illustrate my point.


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## Emma (Aug 15, 2007)

troubadours said:


> this is actually jen this time, not dan, and you can feel free to rep me as much as possible :batting:
> 
> anywho... being new here and into gaining, i thought it would be really nice to come onto the weight board and discuss what i'm into with other people who are into it, trading ideas and hearing stories and such. however, it was a bit different than i was expecting... threads of pictures (which are fun and fine, don't get me wrong.. i thought it was a great way to introduce myself) were equal to the amount of threads where people who were serious about gaining were being mocked by others (regardless of whether or not they "understand" it) who aren't. there was no in between, i felt, for serious weight gain related fantasy discussions. the problem starts when the jokes start outnumbering the advice and actual discussion.
> 
> ...



Your other post about lil'fa has taken off quite well  If you want to maybe start another about weight-gain related stuff I (And a few others) would be interested in talking about it with you


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## FaxMachine1234 (Aug 15, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> You've jumped every gun. NO ONE has even remotely mentioned anything other than insults and hostility as needing to stop from the point of view of moderation. In fact we've been very clear that differing opinions are welcome, several times.



This is true. I just think that people are taking jokes and clarifying posts as being "hostile", and that's sort of fudging the issue in my view. Again, look at how this started; the amount of crap that Fuzzy got from that one joke is amazing. People don't need to made examples of here, especially contributing members.


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## newlylarge (Aug 15, 2007)

I agree. I had created a thread regarding how to "GROW a BHM" and Fuzzy replied, "Here's my advice. Use a light mulch, water him twice a day, and keep him in a spot where he gets lots of indirect sunlight. He should be growing like anything by late june." Pretty funny, I thought.

When it comes to these issues, it pays to have a sense of humor or, at least, thick skin (no pun intended).

Even as my girlfriend and I were trying to, in her words, "fatten me up," I had to admit that the whole thing was rather funny. In a world where MOST girlfriends would be complaining if their guy had put on a few pounds, my girlfriend wanted me to grow fatter. Not only that, but we set-out to actually make her desires a reality.

Moreover, as my original example was meant to convey, our practice of weighing and measuring me regularly felt strange to me at first and later quite amusing. Before long, both my girlfriend and I saw the unexpected "fun" in it and then, well, you can read my posting on the thread.

The point is that, when other people saw my weight gain (and a select number were "let in" on why it had occurred), the very best I would have ever expected would be for them to find it amusing. I never expected anyone to say, "Wow! That's great. Very sexy."

Most were nice about it and, those we knew best, joked with us about it. I regarded that as a rather favorable response. Especially compared with some unkind comments that my girlfriend's friends made to her about my weight-gain (which my girlfriend then shared with me in the context of saying of her friend or friends, "Can you believe she had the nerve to say that?")

So, if the alternative is unkind comments, then good-natured joking was rather welcome.


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## ThatFatGirl (Aug 15, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> It's Conrad's job to worry if anything we do turns into what he feels is over moderation, so don't worry about that.
> 
> And that post you pointed to is not even close to the typical thread (it's not about the original post, it's about the thread path) about gaining around here. The reason she didn't get the "full treatment" is that people started in another thread, posted at the same time, by another girl with the "should I gain?" question, and the normal pattern was interrupted by a mod.
> 
> That is the problem, that is what we're looking to turn around.



The two threads highlighted, this one by AM and the other by Ekim were both started by paysite models, one announcing she was going to gain and the other asking if she should. I realize neither had direct links to their sites, so maybe all is well and good that they posted on the WB. But I think it is the fact that many people saw these as threads where the posters might ultimately benefit financially as they titillate and generate interest in their paysites that caused the threads to take a direction of snarkiness. I don't see these posters the same way as people who really are exploring the feeder/feedee lifestyle or their impulses to gain weight. Do WB devotees really want a board full of paysite models asking if they should gain or announcements that they have (with photos to prove it)? Based on the clarification of the board's purpose to include fat sexuality in general, I guess I get to call myself a devotee because this is absolutely my most favorite topic of all, and I'd have to answer no to my own question.  

In _my_ perfect world - we'd have a board called fat sex and another called feeding/gaining. I'd know which playground to play in, which one to avoid, and all would be merry & bright.  It isn't my world and I'm really going to try harder to sort through my conflictions and heed what SVS and AnnMarie have been talking about. I appreciate your efforts to make this a better place for all.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 15, 2007)

Ekim said:


> This is true. I just think that people are taking jokes and clarifying posts as being "hostile", and that's sort of fudging the issue in my view. Again, look at how this started; the amount of crap that Fuzzy got from that one joke is amazing. People don't need to made examples of here, especially contributing members.



Once again the point being made here is that there is a fine line between tasteful decor and nauseating clutter when it comes to slapstick and needling and by the way, I'm a contributing member here too.  The bottom line is that the climate here has created an uncomfortable environment for the activity for which this place was designed. It has been expressed over and over again for the past two years by many people most of whom, by the way, were also contributing members and have since left the board. I am not a humorless person. I like a good joke and consider myself a pretty good sport but either we can insure that this will be a safe haven for people to talk or we can protect the rights of uncle Sonny to get drunk again and put the lampshade on his head. It's a shame that we're such brittle old fuddy duddies without an infinite supply of tolerance for more knee slappin' good times but can you at least concede that after the sixteenth knock knock joke it's time for uncle Sonny to get his coat and go home? This isn't just about Fuzzy's comment or some other comment we can disect, it's about an entire atmosphere.


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## Webmaster (Aug 15, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> ...The bottom line is that the climate here has created an uncomfortable environment for the activity for which this place was designed. ....



We're working on it and there will be some changes.


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## AnnMarie (Aug 15, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> This isn't just about Fuzzy's comment or some other comment we can disect, it's about an entire atmosphere.



Thank you for echoing SVS's and my statements, I'm hoping that maybe YOU saying it will get through. Apparently when the mods talk it's only seen as blips and dots?

It's an atmosphere of attack and hostility and reducing everything to the newest hot board picture going around. That is not helpful, it's not inviting to those who need a place to share their thoughts/ideas/fantasies/observations, and as Conrad (thank you!) just said... it's going to change.


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## Shosh (Aug 15, 2007)

I would like to apologize if I have misread threads before here on this board. I sometimes have the tendency to go off track. I am trying to correct that and keep it in check.
Susannah


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## FaxMachine1234 (Aug 15, 2007)

ThatFatGirl said:


> The two threads highlighted, this one by AM and the other by Ekim were both started by paysite models, one announcing she was going to gain and the other asking if she should. I realize neither had direct links to their sites, so maybe all is well and good that they posted on the WB. But I think it is the fact that many people saw these as threads where the posters might ultimately benefit financially as they titillate and generate interest in their paysites that caused the threads to take a direction of snarkiness. I don't see these posters the same way as people who really are exploring the feeder/feedee lifestyle or their impulses to gain weight. Do WB devotees really want a board full of paysite models asking if they should gain or announcements that they have (with photos to prove it)? Based on the clarification of the board's purpose to include fat sexuality in general, I guess I get to call myself a devotee because this is absolutely my most favorite topic of all, and I'd have to answer no to my own question.



Well, speaking as someone who has one or two friends who have or are starting paysites, I think restricting them from posting here would be unfair. I can see how it might be seen as entrepreneurial, but shouldn't we be giving people the benefit of the doubt? As long as they don't link to a site in their threads, they should be allowed to speak their mind too.





AnnMarie said:


> Thank you for echoing SVS's and my statements, I'm hoping that maybe YOU saying it will get through. Apparently when the mods talk it's only seen as blips and dots?
> 
> It's an atmosphere of attack and hostility and reducing everything to the newest hot board picture going around. That is not helpful, it's not inviting to those who need a place to share their thoughts/ideas/fantasies/observations, and as Conrad (thank you!) just said... it's going to change.



Okay, apparently my point was lost the last two times I said it: this "atmosphere" is being extrapolated from a handful of (not even) offensive jokes made by a handful of people who got jumped on the minute they said anything. A couple people are getting bent out of shape over things happening in threads that they only start participating in to complain about a fellow poster instead of actually being a part of the thread, and now there has to be a clamp-down? And what's wrong with girls posting their "hot board picture"? For many, it helps their self-esteem to get favorable opinions from FAs who they can't in the real world (you may frown upon that, but that doesn't change anything). I know my opinion doesn't carry a lot of weight since I've only been here for a year or two and I don't have nearly the amount of posts as the others, but I know enough to smell a fight being picked to pacify a small but loud minority.

And can I say (and not to dredge this up again), it's ironic that in the "Am I Not Beautful?" thread, there is was perfectly alright to slander the OP because she was relatively thin, but for anybody else on the Weight Board, they need special rules and moderation to make sure they're not offended? Be consistent, people.


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## ThatFatGirl (Aug 15, 2007)

Ekim said:


> Well, speaking as someone who has one or two friends who have or are starting paysites, I think restricting them from posting here would be unfair. I can see how it might be seen as entrepreneurial, but shouldn't we be giving people the benefit of the doubt? As long as they don't link to a site in their threads, they should be allowed to speak their mind too.



They can post where ever they want! I wish some of them would post in places other than the paysite board so we can get to know the individual behind the photos... but threads like Platinumpuzzy's? That was nothing more than paysite advertising, minus the link to her site. The WB would be a mess if every paysite owner did that.


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## FaxMachine1234 (Aug 15, 2007)

ThatFatGirl said:


> They can post where ever they want! I wish some of them would post in places other than the paysite board so we can get to know the individual behind the photos... but threads like Platinumpuzzy's? That was nothing more than paysite advertising, minus the link to her site. The WB would be a mess if every paysite owner did that.



Okay, that's true, but not all of the paysite owners have just 3 posts under their belt. And just to add, I'm not against closing threads like Platinumpuzzy's, which don't seem to have much genuine thought put into them. I just don't the vague thread of "we're going to fix the atmosphere around here," because that's carte-blanche to eliminate anything a mod feels is offensive to them, even if it's just regular conversation to everybody else.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 15, 2007)

Ekim said:


> Okay, apparently my point was lost the last two times I said it: this "atmosphere" is being extrapolated from a handful of (not even) offensive jokes made by a handful of people who got jumped on the minute they said anything. A couple people are getting bent out of shape over things happening in threads that they only start participating in to complain about a fellow poster instead of actually being a part of the thread, and now there has to be a clamp-down? And what's wrong with girls posting their "hot board picture"? For many, it helps their self-esteem to get favorable opinions from FAs who they can't in the real world (you may frown upon that, but that doesn't change anything). I know my opinion doesn't carry a lot of weight since I've only been here for a year or two and I don't have nearly the amount of posts as the others, but I know enough to smell a fight being picked to pacify a small but loud minority.
> 
> And can I say (and not to dredge this up again), it's ironic that in the "Am I Not Beautful?" thread, there is was perfectly alright to slander the OP because she was relatively thin, but for anybody else on the Weight Board, they need special rules and moderation to make sure they're not offended? Be consistent, people.



Your point was not lost, it was merely based on a perception that is out of synch with reality. God I hate spelling bees, but because this is a thread to promote discussion and understanding I'm going to throw myself on the grenade here and point out some errors in judgment based upon too little information on your part.

The idea that a few little posts over the past month alone is the cause of dissatisfaction over the past four years dating all the way back to the old boards that forced legions of regular posters to abandon all hope and leave is absurd. You have not been here long enough to give a qualified assessment on anything in this situation except for the usual knee jerk reaction to cry out in favor of the underdogs. You are way off course here, trust me in this. 

Second, the 'Am I Not Beautiful' post was nowhere near on topic and was as disdainfully irrelevant as you can get on a board designated for weight gain and fantasy issues. Her pleas for attention were answered the first time. The weight board is not a place for her to sashay about looking for approval. maybe the Lounge would have been a much better venue. 

Does it occur to you that there were people interested in reading the responses in the post topic as much as the op but didn't feel the need to babble on mindlessly with worthless chatter that isn't relevant? Is it possible that they, egads, were perhaps being polite in allowing those with something actually worthwhile to post go first and merely came out to complain because somebody mucked it up for everyone yet again? What exactly do you think this board is for Ekim?


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## AnnMarie (Aug 15, 2007)

Ekim said:


> Okay, that's true, but not all of the paysite owners have just 3 posts under their belt. And just to add, I'm not against closing threads like Platinumpuzzy's, which don't seem to have much genuine thought put into them. I just don't the vague thread of "we're going to fix the atmosphere around here," because that's carte-blanche to eliminate anything a mod feels is offensive to them, even if it's just regular conversation to everybody else.



If you think that's possible then you don't know anything about how Randi and I operate as mods, the strict ways we are allowed to use our tools, or that ultimately what we do and do not do is dictated rather clearly by Conrad. You can try to paint us anyway you like but I believe our history here speaks volumes about our tolerance and hands off approach. Once again, I say you're taking this idea FAR further in your mind than either of us has stated it will be.

And for the record the Am I Beautiful thread is an example of the problems we're trying to address, not an example of anything we think should be ok. 

I think the more you go the more you want this to be a bigger issue, and it's really not. We're going to try harder to preserve the basic integrity of this board, nothing more nothing less. You're reading revolution when we're writing "back to how it was supposed to be". 

Excuse typos please, I'm on my cell.


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## Tad (Aug 15, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> Y
> 
> The idea that a few little posts over the past month alone is the cause of dissatisfaction over the past four years dating all the way back to the old boards that forced legions of regular posters to abandon all hope and leave is absurd.



For what it is worth, there has always been some of this. I started posting on 'the board' when Dani first put it up on the BBWQT site--and I quickly discovered the disdain for feederism in the community. Dani later added a feeder board. I felt that the stigma of being a feeder was strong enough that I invented a second handle with which to post on the feeder board, because I didn't want to ruin my reputation with people on the regular board.

Now, since then I've learned to be more open about who I am (this alias is the one I started using on the feeder board--when I admitted that Tad and Edx were the same guy, I adopted the 'feeder' name to keep). There have also been some periods when the 'feeder' (or whatever it is called at the time) boards have been a little better for discussion. But really, it was always in chat that I found better discussion of these things--because there you could tell who was in the room, and if it was 'safe,' and your words would vanish in a while, so people were more willing to open up. That and various yahoo groups and less visible web sites.

The feeder/weight/whateveryoucall it board does have a hard course to steer. On the one hand are the fantasy trolls and the guys (and some gals) who want to use it only to get their jollies. On the other are the people who disaprove. On the third (!) are the folk who are not truly interested, but who don't want to be left out. That last contingent has previously caused weird dynamics in the chat rooms, where several times in the past the 'feeder' room has become de facto the general chat room, because people kept migrating from the general purpose room to the one with more interesting conversations or more reliable crowds.

People have used the 'hat collectors' web site as a comparison. I wonder if better would be a shoe collector site, with one board that was dedicated to those with a shoe fetish. I would think you'd have a lot of the same dynamics going on there.

Anyway, I applaud the efforts, plans, and schemes to get this board back to a more balanced place, where people feel that they can talk about erotic aspects of being fat and of gaining without being ridiculed, belittled, or marginalized. I'm positive that there is no perfect, all encompassing, permanent, solution, but continued efforts can't fail to help. So much love to the ops and to Conrad, for caring about what sort of space this is.

Regards;

-Ed


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## Wagimawr (Aug 15, 2007)

Ekim said:


> I just don't the vague thread of "we're going to fix the atmosphere around here," because that's carte-blanche to eliminate anything a mod feels is offensive to them, even if it's just regular conversation to everybody else.


Okay, we get that you don't trust (the) authority (here). What else is it that you can contribute?


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## FaxMachine1234 (Aug 15, 2007)

I think multi-quoting is showing me I've carried this too far. Sorry, peoples!



LillyBBBW said:


> Does it occur to you that there were people interested in reading the responses in the post topic as much as the op but didn't feel the need to babble on mindlessly with worthless chatter that isn't relevant? Is it possible that they, egads, were perhaps being polite in allowing those with something actually worthwhile to post go first and merely came out to complain because somebody mucked it up for everyone yet again? What exactly do you think this board is for Ekim?



For the last time, Fuzzy didn't "muck" everything up. Everybody's overreacting.




AnnMarie said:


> If you think that's possible then you don't know anything about how Randi and I operate as mods, the strict ways we are allowed to use our tools, or that ultimately what we do and do not do is dictated rather clearly by Conrad. You can try to paint us anyway you like but I believe our history here speaks volumes about our tolerance and hands off approach. Once again, I say you're taking this idea FAR further in your mind than either of us has stated it will be.
> 
> And for the record the Am I Beautiful thread is an example of the problems we're trying to address, not an example of anything we think should be ok.
> 
> ...



Alright, I'll hold off on any judgement for now, and let you guys do what you do. I don't want to be a bother, but I didn't want to say nothing about the issue, since you bothered to set up a whole thread for a debate. But I'm done.




Wagimawr said:


> Okay, we get that you don't trust (the) authority (here). What else is it that you can contribute?



Nope, that's about it. Was I supposed to write a dissertation or something?


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## LoveBHMS (Aug 15, 2007)

Rowan said:


> Ouuuuch..and I thought we had something special  lol



But you KNEW that, didn't you Lovely?


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 15, 2007)

For the record...

None of this is about Fuzzy Necromancer. He was just a victim of unfortunate timing - having the first post of those that got moved to this new thread. 

So it looks like he started the thread, and it looks like he caused an enormous chain reaction. It isn't so.


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## elle camino (Aug 15, 2007)

ThatFatGirl said:


> In _my_ perfect world - we'd have a board called fat sex and another called feeding/gaining. I'd know which playground to play in, which one to avoid


yes, yes, yesyesyes.

it's clear enough that all the lip service about respectful comments is really just that. folks around here don't want to hear dissent when it comes to topics like feeding and gaining, so the board should be clearly labeled as a place where one's thoughts are only welcomed if they're 100% positive on the subject. give the rest of us another place to go to post pictures and talk about fat sexuality, and ta da. problem solved.


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## mossystate (Aug 15, 2007)

Elle does it..again..I think there needs to be a solution like that, otherwise, many, many, of us will be the ones with no 'haven'..thanks, Elle..and TFG


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## Ample Pie (Aug 15, 2007)

I'm not sure why any kind of fat sexuality can't be discussed here. I mean...all kinds of different health issues go on in the health forum.

I think that people of the feeder/encourager or feedee/gainer persuasion just want to not have their threads killed and treated like nothing or scum.

I also don't see why some of the relatively intelligent people of the board apparently have a hard time discerning between dissenting opinions and insults.

*shrug*


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## mossystate (Aug 15, 2007)

relatively intelligent...yikes..ok..I knew my name calling was not the wisest thing to let fly from my fingertips, and I deserved the oh so slight spanking ( SVS..you are a gem )..I suppose I need my insults to wear fancier clothing...* L *


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## elle camino (Aug 15, 2007)

Rebecca said:


> I also don't see why some of the relatively intelligent people of the board apparently have a hard time discerning between dissenting opinions and insults.



i end up asking myself that exact same thing, after i read a thread with three negative comments and then two straight pages of hysterical squawking about how persecuted the WG community feels by those three negative comments. 
*both* sides need to chill the hell out and let things go, or there needs to be two boards so there's no intermixing of opinions on the topic. 

or we can all just have a big fight about it every three months or so as usual. whee!


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 15, 2007)

I agree, both sides need to cool it.


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## RedVelvet (Aug 15, 2007)

Know what? You guys are right....if space for WG fantasy is welcomed and encouraged........it should be free of crap from the likes of me and anyone else who doesn't agree with it.


Its...really ok to say "If ya don't like it, leave" on a board....its ok. Internetz aint fair...it's not free speech, it's Conrads board, and thats the deal.


I wont be saying shite here or any dessent of any kind on this board, because if it is welcome...then it should BE a "safe haven"......

I won't be on the weight board at all. I will consider that a non-space for me..and thats completely ok...

People are not required to listen to my opinion ....obviously.


...and when I do choose to voice it, it will be somewhere else, or in my private life, or with friends....


This board encourages feederism, in a passive way, by providing space for discussion.

It GETS TO DO THAT.


Me.....I am going to stay the fuck out, and I am sorry for ANY snark I have contributed. It should have been said elsewhere.

I will be elsewhere here. There is room. Big space, Dims....and just because I HATE aspects of this board, doesnt mean I have the right to yammer about it here...

Its not my board....and I am perfectly happy to bitch in the spaces provided for me to do so...

Oh?..there are none?.....

well...then....I guess I can stay or go.

Those are my choices. Thems the internetz.


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## waldo (Aug 15, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Its not my board....and I am perfectly happy to bitch in the spaces provided for me to do so...
> 
> Oh?..there are none?.....
> 
> ...



Why not go set up your soap box and do your complaining on the Hyde Park board? It's pretty much open season on any controversial topic there.


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## RedVelvet (Aug 15, 2007)

waldo said:


> Why not go set up your soap box and do your complaining on the Hyde Park board? It's pretty much open season on any controversial topic there.



My point entirely?



How about a feederism room that is off limits to those who disagree.....and in other spaces its fair game (within the bounds of Dims Rules for Civil Discourse, natch)? Or is that what we have already and I just somehow missed that?


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## AnnMarie (Aug 15, 2007)

I am truly tired of going around and around in circles about the language here.

NO ONE SAID THAT PEOPLE COULDN'T DISAGREE ANYMORE (at least no one from moderation/management). 

The only hope going forward is to keep the tone respectful, non-judgmental, and free of hostility so that people who want to share on topic/relevant posts, and participate, feel comfortable doing so. Tone means all the content, in both directions. 

That's *all* we're trying to do. 

And frankly, it's bothering me more that there are people here who don't want to get behind an effort as simple and civil as that.


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## alienlanes (Aug 15, 2007)

elle camino said:


> yes, yes, yesyesyes.
> 
> it's clear enough that all the lip service about respectful comments is really just that. folks around here don't want to hear dissent when it comes to topics like feeding and gaining, so the board should be clearly labeled as a place where one's thoughts are only welcomed if they're 100% positive on the subject. give the rest of us another place to go to post pictures and talk about fat sexuality, and ta da. problem solved.



Seconded. If Conrad is willing to take this step, I'm *emphatically* in favor of dividing the Weight Board into separate Fat Sexuality and Weight Gain forums. For some posters these two subjects overlap, but for a lot of other posters they don't, and I think that's where most of the trouble is coming from. There are many Dims regulars who are very vocal about the fact that they disapprove of weight gain, and the way that the boards are currently organized, they have a reason and a right to be here in the Weight Board.

I don't think it makes sense to treat WG fantasy as simply a subset of fat sexuality, for the obvious reason that it's a subject which provokes very, very strong responses pro and con. People who want to share pictures and talk about fat sexuality without having to deal with WG threads deserve a place where they can do that. 

And people who _are_ into weight gain deserve a safe space to discuss it without having to defend their interest in it. If we had a separate Weight Board, I don't think it would be unfair to ask that people who dislike or disapprove of WG sexuality refrain from posting there.


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## exile in thighville (Aug 15, 2007)

ThatFatGirl said:


> They can post where ever they want! I wish some of them would post in places other than the paysite board so we can get to know the individual behind the photos... but threads like Platinumpuzzy's? That was nothing more than paysite advertising, minus the link to her site. The WB would be a mess if every paysite owner did that.



Not to be a lawyer, but paysite models are allowed to share (and have) gaining fantasies too, and regardless of intent or sincerity, not posting their urls makes it pleasure, not business, no matter how obvious it is. it's just cleverness. and more than a few models (kenzie especially comes to mind) appear genuinely interested in discussing gain for purposes other than self-promotion.

it was likely fake, but definitely on topic, which is more than i can say for most.


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## Ample Pie (Aug 15, 2007)

Funnily enough, they aren't being asked not to post here--they're asked to not treat others like crap...which is kind of a rule across the board. 



SlackerFA said:


> Seconded. If Conrad is willing to take this step, I'm *emphatically* in favor of dividing the Weight Board into separate Fat Sexuality and Weight Gain forums. For some posters these two subjects overlap, but for a lot of other posters they don't, and I think that's where most of the trouble is coming from. There are many Dims regulars who are very vocal about the fact that they disapprove of weight gain, and the way that the boards are currently organized, they have a reason and a right to be here in the Weight Board.
> 
> I don't think it makes sense to treat WG fantasy as simply a subset of fat sexuality, for the obvious reason that it's a subject which provokes very, very strong responses pro and con. People who want to share pictures and talk about fat sexuality without having to deal with WG threads deserve a place where they can do that.
> 
> And people who _are_ into weight gain deserve a safe space to discuss it without having to defend their interest in it. If we had a separate Weight Board, I don't think it would unfair to ask that people who dislike or disapprove of WG sexuality refrain from posting there.


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## waldo (Aug 15, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> My point entirely?
> 
> 
> 
> How about a feederism room that is off limits to those who disagree.....and in other spaces its fair game (within the bounds of Dims Rules for Civil Discourse, natch)? Or is that what we have already and I just somehow missed that?



My post was aimed at your statement "*and I am perfectly happy to bitch in the spaces provided for me to do so...

Oh?..there are none?..*..."

There are none?? Yes there are, it's called Hyde Park - now take your anger there.


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## elle camino (Aug 15, 2007)

yeah that's lovely in theory, but in reality even the folks who play nice are lumped in with the jerks when it comes time for the angry replies. and that sucks.


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## RedVelvet (Aug 15, 2007)

waldo said:


> There are none?? Yes there are, it's called Hyde Park - now take your anger there.



Will do, Sir! Thank you Sir! Thanks so MUCH, Sir!


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## exile in thighville (Aug 15, 2007)

I appreciate all this. Elle especially has divided the bullshit and the relevant into neat little piles here. Like I said, I have mixed feelings...I don't want Dimensions to become an overly sectioned pool of humorlessness either. But I do believe more people will come out of the woodwork about their sexuality when they know their audience isn't all dilettantes aiming to pick apart a fetish they don't even have with (this is important) no intention of experimenting. I just believe there's more feeders and feedees practicing or aiming to practice their kinks on a level advanced enough to not have all their discussions boil down to "why do you do this" out there. it would be nice to talk about why it's fun to be called a pig, for instance, without worrying about the perception of my character.


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## alienlanes (Aug 15, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> I appreciate all this. Elle especially has divided the bullshit and the relevant into neat little piles here. Like I said, I have mixed feelings...I don't want Dimensions to become an overly sectioned pool of humorlessness either. But I do believe more people will come out of the woodwork about their sexuality when they know their audience isn't all dilettantes aiming to pick apart a fetish they don't even have with (this is important) no intention of experimenting. I just believe there's more feeders and feedees practicing or aiming to practice their kinks on a level advanced enough to not have all their discussions boil down to "why do you do this" out there. it would be nice to talk about why it's fun to be called a pig, for instance, without worrying about the perception of my character.



Bingo.

This thread has obviously touched a deeper nerve than just civility issues, and IMO that should be telling us something. I think a lot of the snark and hostility on this board comes from its being a subject that people have such strong positive or negative feelings about; when people are constantly trying to defend pro or con territory, it's not surprising that their positions harden into habitual one-liners.

ETA: My feeling about the subject is that WG is a kink/fetish; it doesn't _have_ to make sense or be logically defensible, and I don't think we should be called on to do so. The Weight Board threads I enjoy most are the "whys and hows" where I get to see what's inside the psyches of people who are into the same Weird Thing that I am.


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## mossystate (Aug 15, 2007)

Hmmmm..ok...scenario...I come to the Weight Board..someone is talking about how luscious fat feels to the touch..I agree with this ( I do )..I elaborate on the ' theme ', adding some of my own personal information..then someone comes in and starts talking about how much they want their girlfriend ( bf, whatever ) to gain and they start to go on and on about it.

Is this persons preference going to put me on the floor..weeping and gnashing my teeth?..ummmm..no...however.... I would prefer that something so ' specialized ' not be mixed up into a general attitude of loving fat.

A separate forum for feeders, feedees, weight gain ( fantasy or reality ), would allow BOTH ' sides ' to fully enjoy their time here at Dims. And, since I am not into the three things I just mentioned, I would not be going to ' their house ' , but, they would be welcomed into ' mine ', as long as the more specialized preferences were kept to the proper venue.

I think we might see more people coming out to share..on BOTH sides...I really do. Aside from some threads being derailed..etc..those who have the preferences of gain..feeding..etc, have a place. Those who feel uncomfortable stepping through this door, yet would like to celebrate their bodies...really don't. I think an additional vibrancy could be seen here at Dims, with a tweak, here and there.


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## RedVelvet (Aug 15, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> Seconded. If Conrad is willing to take this step, I'm *emphatically* in favor of dividing the Weight Board into separate Fat Sexuality and Weight Gain forums. For some posters these two subjects overlap, but for a lot of other posters they don't, and I think that's where most of the trouble is coming from. *There are many Dims regulars who are very vocal about the fact that they disapprove of weight gain, and the way that the boards are currently organized, they have a reason and a right to be here in the Weight Board.*
> 
> *I don't think it makes sense to treat WG fantasy as simply a subset of fat sexuality, for the obvious reason that it's a subject which provokes very, very strong responses pro and con.* People who want to share pictures and talk about fat sexuality without having to deal with WG threads deserve a place where they can do that.
> 
> *And people who are into weight gain deserve a safe space to discuss it without having to defend their interest in it.* If we had a separate Weight Board, I *don't think it would be unfair to ask that people who dislike or disapprove of WG sexuality refrain* from posting there.




Thank you. I was trying to say that, but...alas, I am a bit of an arsehole when it comes to this. It pushes EVERY button in me...

I am very sorry I am an arsehole. I will try to refrain from my general arseholery by staying away from this board and not getting into discussions like this.

Ann Marie....I did not say that any moderator was at all suggesting that people cant disagree....but there, like Slacker says, are far more layers to this than simple civility...and while I know that for you it would be great if everyone could just behave better than I obviously seem capable of doing....Slackers point about separate boards is a valid one. it IS a valid point. There might just be subjects that can never be neutral to people.

So....given that...

I was just trying also to say that its not my right to demand it. I can stay or go.

so now I am done...

There are better people than me here saying it much better than I can.


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## AnnMarie (Aug 16, 2007)

Everyone - we said clearly last night there are changes underway, they started days ago, but they're not implemented yet. 

Why don't you all just wait and see what they are? If you'd let us finish a step in this process, you'd have saved a lot of back and forth and been pleasantly surprised. 

We actually DID think this through, but Rome wasn't built in a day, and if you can all just cool your jets for a bit, you'll find some differences that will prove helpful for all.


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## DrFeeder (Aug 16, 2007)

I think the Weight Board these days is the best it's ever been.


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## exile in thighville (Aug 16, 2007)

As of today.


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## GordoNegro (Aug 16, 2007)

DrFeeder said:


> I think the Weight Board these days is the best it's ever been.



The weight Board from almost a decade ago was the best, IMO.
Until the others ravaged that too.
Sigh.


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## Santaclear (Aug 17, 2007)

A separate *Creeped Out Board* is needed too, for all the people who are creeped out by the "sightings", feeders and general horndoggery.

Also a *Whiner's Forum* for all the whiners of the various camps.


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## Shosh (Aug 17, 2007)

Santaclear said:


> A separate *Creeped Out Board* is needed too, for all the people who are creeped out by the "sightings", feeders and general horndoggery.
> 
> Also a *Whiner's Forum* for all the whiners of the various camps.



Would that be for me then Santa? Hee  
Susannah


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## Santaclear (Aug 17, 2007)

Susannah said:


> Would that be for me then Santa? Hee
> Susannah



Nah, Susannah, you don't do that anymore and besides, I miss the old creeped out days from ten years ago. People really knew how to whine back then.


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## Russ2d (Aug 21, 2007)

Wow- thank god for the changes to this "weight board"... maybe now discussions can actually take place without some of those who shouldn't be in this community at all- my opinion- let alone this board.

What I don't get about the anti-gaining types is how they claim to love fat and fat partners but somehow rationalize away the fact that those they're lusting after had to "gain" at some point to get fat in the first place. I guess that's just ignored.

Excellent job Mods on the changes


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 21, 2007)

Russ2d said:


> Wow- thank god for the changes to this "weight board"... maybe now discussions can actually take place without some of those who shouldn't be in this community at all- my opinion- let alone this board.
> 
> What I don't get about the anti-gaining types is how they claim to love fat and fat partners but somehow rationalize away the fact that those they're lusting after had to "gain" at some point to get fat in the first place. I guess that's just ignored.
> 
> Excellent job Mods on the changes



Unfortunatley it is not that simple Russ. People aren't fat merely because they gained anymore than some people can sing because they studied at Oberlin. Some people have capabilities that others do not. Ask anyone who has been trying to gain but can't. It's not as easy as us fatties make it look.


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## autopaint-1 (Aug 21, 2007)

"It's not as easy as us fatties make it look."

Sounds like child birth. It isn't as easy as it sometimes appears to be.


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