# Is being an fa just as hard as a bbw



## pmdogg (Aug 4, 2009)

Probably not, but I just thought I'd mention it. I love big woman, but I know a lot of big woman are even reluctent to talk to me. I'm no skin and bone at250 at 5'6" I'm the least of skinny's. I know what it feels like to be judged by your weight. Its not fun, but at the same time, who gives a damn about them, they don't pay my bills. To each his own, I'm stuck in a marriage with a whole bunch of drama, and weight control and self esteem is the least of them. I want to vent here, but when I vent I write things out of bad judgement, and I don't mean it that way.


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## Tau (Aug 5, 2009)

No, it really, really isn't. I'm fat all the time everywhere I go - this impacts my life experiences in a way that while you as an FA could empathise with you will probably never understand. I'm not saying FA's don't get drama but its nowhere near the drama a fat person inhabiting a fat body goes through on a regular basis


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## The Fez (Aug 5, 2009)

No, but it isn't as dramatic as 'the problems of being an fa are nothing compared to the problems of being a bbw'. The two are too different in regards to issues to be compared that drastically. Maybe somebody that's both can give better insight into it.


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## Emma (Aug 5, 2009)

I also don't think being an FA is as hard as being fat. I think a lot of the problems with being an FA are caused by the person themselves. Because I know a lot of FA on here who are open and proud and have had no real shit for it. Yeah, it might be hard in school but you don't really have to tell anyone if you don't want to.


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## ThatFatGirl (Aug 5, 2009)

The question in the thread title isn't quite the same as the one in your post. Simply being a thin FA, yes, definitely it's easier than being a fat person of either gender. Being a fat FA? Not conforming to society's physical ideals is difficult for either sex imo, but fat men seem to be given a little more slack. A fat man can be seen as stocky and substantial, or the big, cuddly teddy bear... all fairly positive stereotypes, but fat women have nothing that really compares to this. I've never been a fat man, so apples to apples/oranges to oranges, it may be just as tough.. A good level of self esteem and involvement in a positive community like this helps a lot.


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 5, 2009)

pmdogg said:


> Probably not, but I just thought I'd mention it. I love big woman, but I know a lot of big woman are even reluctent to talk to me. I'm no skin and bone at250 at 5'6" I'm the least of skinny's. I know what it feels like to be judged by your weight. Its not fun, but at the same time, who gives a damn about them, they don't pay my bills. To each his own, I'm stuck in a marriage with a whole bunch of drama, and weight control and self esteem is the least of them. I want to vent here, but when I vent I write things out of bad judgement, and I don't mean it that way.




I think if you are going to try to compare people's hardships you may as well just stand there and beat your head against a brick wall. 

Everyone's opinion is going to be colored by their own experiences. For example, I've always been fat. I can remember being made fun of all of two times EVER in my life for being fat, so if you ask me if being a fat woman is all that difficult I will tell you no. Now someone who was ridiculed throughout their childhood, or had parents who constantly put them on diets or sent them to fat camp may say that being a fat child was a difficult thing, or someone who's having a difficult time as a fat adult may say that being a fat person is certainly more difficult than being someone's who's sexually attracted to fat people. You just aren't going to get the same answer from one fat person to the next. 

I personally can not comprehend what is so difficult about being someone who is attracted to fat people. Its a preference, not unlike people who prefer blondes, or petite women. I've never dated someone who was afraid to introduce me to family or friends, so I'm more likely to tell an FA to suck it up and stop being a pussy about how hard it is to "come out", than I am to be understanding and patient. 

So harder? Easier? Depends on who you ask...


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## Sugar (Aug 5, 2009)

Problems and struggles are relative.

Is it hard being a BBW...for me? No. For others who have had people be as cruel as possible? Probably. 

I think it's terribly unfair and a bit simple to say X has it harder/easier than Y. That's why IMHO it's important to be supportive on all sides.


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## StarWitness (Aug 5, 2009)

fatgirlflyin said:


> I think if you are going to try to compare people's hardships you may as well just stand there and beat your head against a brick wall.



Yes. This. Thank you. Someone rep that woman.


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## GutsGirl (Aug 5, 2009)

StarWitness said:


> Yes. This. Thank you. Someone rep that woman.



Done! 

I agree that it's all relative, as are most things in life. Since IIRC there was someone on here who knew of an FA who got physically ejected out of his parents' home when he revealed he was an FA, I'd say that's pretty hard. A man whose parents never acknowledge or say a kind word about his wife or girlfriend, or refuse to even meet her because she is fat, (and I've heard of cases like that) would be another extreme, difficult case. 

As others have said, it is relative to each person's individual experience. Generalizations can be made, but those generalizations start to break down when individual life stories are looked at.


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## katorade (Aug 5, 2009)

Being a fat woman is exclusive to fat women. Having marital drama revolving around self esteem issues is not exclusive to FAs. Apples. Oranges.


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## AnnMarie (Aug 5, 2009)

These are beyond just apples and oranges, they're apples and orangutans. 

To add to the voices - they each stand on their own, have their own set of issues involved, their own set of choices and possible struggles, their own set of peer issues, their own familly issues, sometimes even job issues (as nuts as that may seem - it happens). Comparing them is doing a disservice to people in both camps. 

No one here is a bigger victim, we're all just trying to get along in our lives and the things we may go through, or that may cause us problems or grief, or even suffering, are relative to our own lives. To stand anywhere and say my situation is so much worse than yours is just really single-minded and presumptuous.


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## Spanky (Aug 5, 2009)

Poor pmdogg.

Sometimes I think he is like the guy walking into a Non-smoking, Fundamental Christian Temperance Union meeting and accidentally yells, "Damn, I left my fuckin' cigarettes at the bar".


pmdoggy, you hit on a question argued over and over and over again through the years here at Dims. fatgirlflyin is the closest to the right answer :bow:. I still think there is no comparison and fat people, especially women, have a much steeper and longer struggle than FAs. MY OPINION as an FA. Take for example the 11- 15 years of time we call, pre-puberty, when there really is no such thing as an FA but fat and kid? And schoolyard, recess, diet crazy mom? 

Yeah, that.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Aug 5, 2009)

pmdogg said:


> Probably not, but I just thought I'd mention it. I love big woman, but I know a lot of big woman are even reluctent to talk to me. I'm no skin and bone at250 at 5'6" I'm the least of skinny's. I know what it feels like to be judged by your weight. Its not fun, but at the same time, who gives a damn about them, they don't pay my bills. To each his own, I'm stuck in a marriage with a whole bunch of drama, and weight control and self esteem is the least of them. I want to vent here, but when I vent I write things out of bad judgement, and I don't mean it that way.



The comparison is highly inappropriate. FAs have one set of problems and BBWs have another set. Besides, there have already been more than enough threads in the past that were hijacked by this unnecessary controversy.


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## pmdogg (Aug 5, 2009)

I wanted to see how some of ya'll felt, especially the women. For me being an FA is one of those things that I have had to just come to terms with, and I have been judged as "different" or "strange" for my preferance. I relate that a little to how I've been judged about my own physical appearance and weight too. Maybe it is apples and oranges. Either way, I feel like I'm going to be judged and looked at strangely for the way I feel and the way I look by most people.


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## kayrae (Aug 6, 2009)

pmdogg, it seems to me that what you really need is to talk to other married FAs about whatever issues you're dealing with as an FA. If you're having marital problems, perhaps you can get advice on how to improve it. Dims might be a place for you to vent, but be aware that you cast yourself in bad light when you talk about your wife so negatively. If you have communication problems, perhaps you can start out by reading the entries in FA/FFA board. It can be a wonderful resource and you can understand how to communicate more effectively.


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## mossystate (Aug 6, 2009)

kayrae said:


> Dims might be a place for you to vent, but be aware that you cast yourself in bad light when you talk about your wife so negatively.



This. Sorry, but, as an adult, pmdogg, you are going to have to stop with the bashing of your wife out here. As for talking to other married men, I would hope you search out those who are open fa's, including with their wives. Oh, and, nobody is ' stuck ' in a relationship. Just sayin'.


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## swamptoad (Aug 6, 2009)

kayrae said:


> pmdogg, it seems to me that what you really need is to talk to other married FAs about whatever issues you're dealing with as an FA. If you're having marital problems, perhaps you can get advice on how to improve it. Dims might be a place for you to vent, but be aware that you cast yourself in bad light when you talk about your wife so negatively. If you have communication problems, perhaps you can start out by reading the entries in FA/FFA board. It can be a wonderful resource and you can understand how to communicate more effectively.




When did he talk negatively about his wife?


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## kayrae (Aug 6, 2009)

I'm referencing his other threads. He's been getting a lot of negative feedback from other members recently. And I'm guessing this is one of the reasons this particular thread has been opened.


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## swamptoad (Aug 6, 2009)

kayrae said:


> I'm referencing his other threads. He's been getting a lot of negative feedback from other members recently. And I'm guessing this is one of the reasons this particular thread has been opened.




Ah, ok. 


I just got into more reading and posting on other board ...errrr... just recently. If I would just do this sorta thing -- "reading and posting" more *regularly* then I wouldn't be looking all clueless. :doh:






Ok, as for this title ... hmmmm .... is being a fat admirer just as hard as being a big beautiful woman? 

What is the essence of hard? hardship of living life day after day? 



Why are we trying to break it all down anyhow? 


Having this "admiration" is one thing. But if you are married you must conduct yourself well and be tactful and learn from her as she learns from you and respect one another and give each other space from time to time.

...and you could probably get more insight on this matter (for example)
check out the other board about fas and a thread about conduct. :bow:


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## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 6, 2009)

Being an FA is awesome. Yes, I can see how you have to put up with some bullshit (as one does with most things in life), but the plus side stomps all over it from a great height.


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## gangstadawg (Aug 8, 2009)

GutsGirl said:


> Done!
> 
> I agree that it's all relative, as are most things in life. Since IIRC there was someone on here who knew of an FA who got physically ejected out of his parents' home when he revealed he was an FA, I'd say that's pretty hard. A man whose parents never acknowledge or say a kind word about his wife or girlfriend, or refuse to even meet her because she is fat, (and I've heard of cases like that) would be another extreme, difficult case.
> 
> As others have said, it is relative to each person's individual experience. Generalizations can be made, but those generalizations start to break down when individual life stories are looked at.



ejected because he likes a larger woman !?!? WTF this is the first time i have ever heard of a FA getting flack this bad. ususally a FA at most would be the butt of of jokes but this is a WTF moment. his parents were on some wierd bullshit. they act like he said he is gay which if he did its still not a good reason to toss somebody out. any ways if i was him the moment they needed help they would get a big F U guaranteed.


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## mediaboy (Aug 8, 2009)

pmdogg said:


> Probably not, but I just thought I'd mention it. I love big woman, but I know a lot of big woman are even reluctent to talk to me. I'm no skin and bone at250 at 5'6" I'm the least of skinny's. I know what it feels like to be judged by your weight. Its not fun, but at the same time, who gives a damn about them, they don't pay my bills. To each his own, I'm stuck in a marriage with a whole bunch of drama, and weight control and self esteem is the least of them. I want to vent here, but when I vent I write things out of bad judgement, and I don't mean it that way.



No, what are you, fucking crazy?


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## madrik101 (Aug 8, 2009)

You can change one but not the other, which makes them hard to reasonably compare. However, it depends on your view: some people love being fat and make an active attempt to be fat and stay fat, as opposed to simply "falling into it" accidentally; others hate being FA's and would claw out of their own skin if it would solve the problem. But in that instance they can't do squat about it if they spent the rest of their lives trying - unlike a fat person who is unhappy with their condition. But it depends where you place the most emphasis - socially, 'FAdom' is considered vastly more weird and, broadly, a bit gross (I know more people who've been rejected by friends and family for being an FA than for being fat). That's not to say fat people are treated kindly in most societies, but it's not generally on the level of perverse disgust or freak-like amusement. However, being an FA isn't visual and you can keep it to yourself except where necessary... most of the time, anyway. But of course many people don't care too much about the social restrictions and are more concerned by, say, physical inhibitions and potential medical concerns, which falls far more (shall I say 'entirely') to the side of overweight or obese people. 

Being a fairly contented FA who is probably a little bit afraid of being fat myself, I'm inclined to admit that for me FAism seems easier; but I respect that some people have more trouble coming to terms with such a strange sexual preference, and I understand that it really _can_ cause immense strain on some relationships, and quite cruelly in those circumstances it can't be cured or exercised off. Plus-sized people, however much they may suffer from their weight, have to yield the point that it's always possible to change their situation if they truly wish to.


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## Observer (Aug 8, 2009)

The one thing that FA/FFAs and BBW/BHMs's have in common as an issue is their own self-confiodence - believing and being willing to openly say and live like "this is who I am and its OK to be this way." General society pushes both groups in the opposite direction.

After that, its two different worlds. An FA/FFAs next main issue is having to learn to deal with the ongoing insecurities and in some cases physical realities of those they care abou, someone who at times can't see themselves as worthy of being cared about. They have to deal with rejection and disbelief. But they don't have an entire industry spending billions trying to get them to change their mind set and like thin chicks. Its not a potential issue everytime they go shopping or to the doctor. And its certainly not the first thing a total stranger noticers about them. 

The confident BBW/BHM isn't concerned about the insecurities of her/his SO (significant other). Its about dealing with the realities of their own size without guilt. As much if not more so than the average they need to watch their exercise and nutrition. dea with well meaning but irritating people who ant them to change (as if that were even possible) and "do someting" about their size "for their own good," and ignore incessant propaganda that tells them thery're wrong andf bad and could be different if they'd just do (blank). 

I was a hard wired FA decades before becoming a BHM so I've walked both trails, and continue to do so to ths day. Dealing with the issues of the former at the personal level is definitely easier that the latter. However, when it comes to the inter-personal level the scenario flips - the BBW/BHM can tell others "look, let me live my own life or get lost" and make it stick. They ultimately are in controil once they realize it. The FA/FFA can't realistically say to their SO "change and accept yourself and my love" just because they're tired of dealing with insecurities and complaining. They are not in control, and must be eternally patient with the situation.


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## Sandie S-R (Aug 8, 2009)

madrik101 said:


> You can change one but not the other, which makes them hard to reasonably compare. However, it depends on your view: some people love being fat and make an active attempt to be fat and stay fat, as opposed to simply "falling into it" accidentally; others hate being FA's and would claw out of their own skin if it would solve the problem. But in that instance they can't do squat about it if they spent the rest of their lives trying - unlike a fat person who is unhappy with their condition. But it depends where you place the most emphasis - socially, 'FAdom' is considered vastly more weird and, broadly, a bit gross (I know more people who've been rejected by friends and family for being an FA than for being fat). That's not to say fat people are treated kindly in most societies, but it's not generally on the level of perverse disgust or freak-like amusement. However, being an FA isn't visual and you can keep it to yourself except where necessary... most of the time, anyway. But of course many people don't care too much about the social restrictions and are more concerned by, say, physical inhibitions and potential medical concerns, which falls far more (shall I say 'entirely') to the side of overweight or obese people.
> 
> Being a fairly contented FA who is probably a little bit afraid of being fat myself, I'm inclined to admit that for me FAism seems easier; but I respect that some people have more trouble coming to terms with such a strange sexual preference, and I understand that it really _can_ cause immense strain on some relationships, and quite cruelly in those circumstances it can't be cured or exercised off. Plus-sized people, however much they may suffer from their weight, have to yield the point that it's always possible to change their situation if they truly wish to.




Well, that's the problem!! 

I forgot to *TRULY WISH* that I could lose weight.



For crap sake.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 8, 2009)

Sandie S-R said:


> Well, that's the problem!!
> 
> I forgot to *TRULY WISH* that I could lose weight.
> 
> ...



Sandie, would you please start a new line, called the wish line...and make a beautful wallhanging that says...."all you have to do is truly wish!"


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## Sandie S-R (Aug 8, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> Sandie, would you please start a new line, called the wish line...and make a beautful wallhanging that says...."all you have to do is truly wish!"



Sure thing, cutie pie!! 

Just call 976-wish. I'm sure we'll make a fortune.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 9, 2009)

Sandie S-R said:


> Sure thing, cutie pie!!
> 
> Just call 976-wish. I'm sure we'll make a fortune.



ha, i have to admit, with being sick this week, laughs have been hard to come by, but ha, that made me laugh literally out loud!!! Thank you!!!


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## KHayes666 (Aug 9, 2009)

Actually sometimes it IS hard to be an F/A.

Taking slack from your friends and family isn't even the half of it. One time I was talking to some girl at a party and my friend came over and said "Hey Hayes, that's not a Hayes special!" this girl was like "Hayes special?" and he goes "yeah, Kevin here likes really fat chicks" You could see her face sink as if the interest in me left her completely. I'm not going to apologize for liking big women, so if this girl doesn't like me for it, fuck em. The problem with that is in my world, I know a lot of smaller girls and a lot of them find it odd that I'm into big girls. Not all of them are as judgemental as the girl at the party, some of them are sweethearts. My point is, some of us who are bi-sizual can meet a really sweet small girl but they could be scared to go out with us because they're under the assumption we want them fat too. 

Then you have the other F/A's that ruin it for everyone. I'm talking about the airheads who bellow out "HOW MUCH DO U WEIGH BAYBEEEE" in the middle of an open chatroom or talking about weight/fat is ALL they do. The "Fatty Collectors" who sleep with anyone and everyone and not caring about how the girls feel....the creepy stalker dudes who ask innappropriate questions at dances...and on and on and on. While I was on vacation in Cape Cod I called up a paysite model friend of mind who will go nameless and she damn near tore my head off when I suggested that we hang out and go see a movie. She said that "All F/A's want to touch me and I'm not ok with that." Granted, it is an unfair judgement of all f/a's but still, she must have met some real creepo's to come to this judgement. Because some guys are creeps, jerks, etc...some of us other F/A's have to suffer for it

Then you have the BBW's that can be bitches, not all of them of course, but there are some who could rival cheerleaders and hollywood actresses with their attitudes. These kinds of girls could scare a shy, young F/A right back into the closet.

I could go on about feeders/feedees, dating ssbbw's and other subjects but that would take too long, I'm sure everyone reading this gets the point.

All of what I'm saying comes from personal experience, so in a sense, sometimes it is hard being an F/A in what we deal with.


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## tonynyc (Aug 9, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> ha, i have to admit, with being sick this week, laughs have been hard to come by, but ha, that made me laugh literally out loud!!! Thank you!!!



Get better Di- you need plenty of rest and TLC


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## SocialbFly (Aug 9, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> Get better Di- you need plenty of rest and TLC



thanks Tony, not to derail the thread (for the second time, bad Dianna) but I appreciate it...some prayers would be welcome too  Hugs..


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## gangstadawg (Aug 9, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Actually sometimes it IS hard to be an F/A.
> 
> Taking slack from your friends and family isn't even the half of it. One time I was talking to some girl at a party and my friend came over and said "Hey Hayes, that's not a Hayes special!" this girl was like "Hayes special?" and he goes "yeah, Kevin here likes really fat chicks" You could see her face sink as if the interest in me left her completely. I'm not going to apologize for liking big women, so if this girl doesn't like me for it, fuck em. The problem with that is in my world, I know a lot of smaller girls and a lot of them find it odd that I'm into big girls. Not all of them are as judgemental as the girl at the party, some of them are sweethearts. My point is, some of us who are bi-sizual can meet a really sweet small girl but they could be scared to go out with us because they're under the assumption we want them fat too.
> 
> ...



yeah i have met this type of BBW alot in the hoods/ghettos of detroit. this type of bbw is especially common in the highland park or east side areas of my city.


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## superodalisque (Aug 9, 2009)

thats pretty much asking the same thing as is it harder to be a man or a woman. its apples and oranges. i pretty much believe its the same for everybody. everyone has somethig to deal with whether you can see it or not. i also think its unrealistic and maybe a bit narcissistic to think that my problems would be bigger than anyone else's. i'm not a freak. i'm just fat. an FA is not a freak. he just thinks fat women are sexy. there are far bigger problems to be had in this world. go ask people in Rwanda and places lke that.


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## bdog (Aug 10, 2009)

One time I went into a bar and it was almost all thin chicks in there. 'nuff said.


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## BoomSnap (Aug 10, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> thats pretty much asking the same thing as is it harder to be a man or a woman. its apples and oranges. i pretty much believe its the same for everybody.




No question. Men have to be the breadwinners. A woman just has to clean, pop out kids, and make sure I have a sammich ready when I get home from my manly job. Real scam if you ask me.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 10, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Actually sometimes it IS hard to be an F/A.
> 
> Taking slack from your friends and family isn't even the half of it. One time I was talking to some girl at a party and my friend came over and said "Hey Hayes, that's not a Hayes special!" this girl was like "Hayes special?" and he goes "yeah, Kevin here likes really fat chicks" You could see her face sink as if the interest in me left her completely. I'm not going to apologize for liking big women, so if this girl doesn't like me for it, fuck em. The problem with that is in my world, I know a lot of smaller girls and a lot of them find it odd that I'm into big girls. Not all of them are as judgemental as the girl at the party, some of them are sweethearts. My point is, some of us who are bi-sizual can meet a really sweet small girl but they could be scared to go out with us because they're under the assumption we want them fat too.
> 
> ...





gangstadawg said:


> yeah i have met this type of BBW alot in the hoods/ghettos of detroit. this type of bbw is especially common in the highland park or east side areas of my city.



Hey don't be hating on us 'round the way bitches and ghetto queens. I think there's a double standard there. Admittedly I was one but I'm not aware of any laws that say that I must be gung ho friends with everyone who approaches. You get to choose the people you want to hang with but bbws should feel obligated to transition the whole world into oneness with themselves? What are we dogs now? We don't owe you anything nor do you owe us. You don't have to like every fat girl you see just because you are an FA so don't be bitter and blame fat girls because they won't lap up all your charms either. Life is still life even when fat is involved.


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## LoveBHMS (Aug 10, 2009)

bdog said:


> One time I went into a bar and it was almost all thin chicks in there. 'nuff said.



Uhmmmm. yeah...'nuff said indeed.

Those thin chicks need to stay away from bars where FAs might be going.


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## Blockierer (Aug 10, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> thats pretty much asking the same thing as is it harder to be a man or a woman. its apples and oranges. i pretty much believe its the same for everybody. everyone has somethig to deal with whether you can see it or not. i also think its unrealistic and maybe a bit narcissistic to think that my problems would be bigger than anyone else's. i'm not a freak. i'm just fat. an FA is not a freak. he just thinks fat women are sexy. there are far bigger problems to be had in this world. go ask people in Rwanda and places lke that.



So true. Your right. 
If somebody has no other problems than to be worried about his FAness then he must be a very happy person.


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## superodalisque (Aug 10, 2009)

bdog said:


> One time I went into a bar and it was almost all thin chicks in there. 'nuff said.



baby stop digging your own grave with your comp keys


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## KHayes666 (Aug 10, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> Hey don't be hating on us 'round the way bitches and ghetto queens. I think there's a double standard there. Admittedly I was one but I'm not aware of any laws that say that I must be gung ho friends with everyone who approaches. You get to choose the people you want to hang with but bbws should feel obligated to transition the whole world into oneness with themselves? What are we dogs now? We don't owe you anything nor do you owe us. You don't have to like every fat girl you see just because you are an FA so don't be bitter and blame fat girls because they won't lap up all your charms either. Life is still life even when fat is involved.



lol I myself never was hatin on the ghetto girls. I'm pointing out not all women are nice.


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## gangstadawg (Aug 10, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> Hey don't be hating on us 'round the way bitches and ghetto queens. I think there's a double standard there. Admittedly I was one but I'm not aware of any laws that say that I must be gung ho friends with everyone who approaches. You get to choose the people you want to hang with but bbws should feel obligated to transition the whole world into oneness with themselves? What are we dogs now? We don't owe you anything nor do you owe us. You don't have to like every fat girl you see just because you are an FA so don't be bitter and blame fat girls because they won't lap up all your charms either. Life is still life even when fat is involved.



detroit is basically one big city sized ghetto. so i cant say i not from the hood nor can i say i dont live in the hood. i dont have a problem with a person coming from the hood but i do have a problem with a person stuck in that ghetto mentality BS and thats a not a fat girl problem thats a bigger issue in general. im not blaming fat girls for anything and im not saying women in general should take to my charms either but there is a better way to do things and coming off hostile and pissed at a person that tried to get your number (if ask in a polite manner that is) isnt one especially when a situation doesnt call for such action. there are more polite ways of saying NO.


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## gangstadawg (Aug 10, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> lol I myself never was hatin on the ghetto girls. I'm pointing out not all women are nice.



technically i was too. not all women in general are nice.


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## bdog (Aug 10, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> baby stop digging your own grave with your comp keys



Thanks for the concern. 

A wry & facetious humor doesn't hit well with the Dims crowd, it seems.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 10, 2009)

bdog said:


> Thanks for the concern.
> 
> A wry & facetious humor doesn't hit well with the Dims crowd, it seems.



had people been able to see the wry smile, or the grin to identify that as facetious, it might have made a better impression...this is the internet, and it is easy to misread on a good day...much less a bad....


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## wrestlingguy (Aug 11, 2009)

gangstadawg said:


> technically i was too. not all women in general are nice.



Nor are all men. So if you're telling the crowd here you're nice & deserve better, then you've made your point.

I don't go to BBW/FA events, and expect that women will lay themselves at my feet, as they point & go "OMG, it's Wrestlingguy!", nor would I want that.

Dating is a complex dynamic that you sometimes win or lose. I liken it to rooting through a bargain bin at a department store. Sometimes you have to go through the junk to get to the good stuff.

If you didn't have to go through the junk, you wouldn't appreciate the good stuff as much.


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## gangstadawg (Aug 11, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> Nor are all men.  So if you're telling the crowd here you're nice & deserve better, then you've made your point.
> 
> I don't go to BBW/FA events, and expect that women will lay themselves at my feet, as they point & go "OMG, it's Wrestlingguy!", nor would I want that.
> 
> ...



thats not what im saying. my post above actual says what im saying.


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## wrestlingguy (Aug 11, 2009)

Dawg, no woman has an obligation to be nice to anyone. Period, case closed.

The sad fact is that this has become a very harsh world. Some men are pigs, and some women are nasty. Seems to be the sign of the times.

Some women are not nice because their guard has been put up by not so nice guys. That may not be your fault, but you can't fault someone for being protective of themselves in this day and age.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 11, 2009)

honestly, it kinda gets on my nerves when people say "i am nice i deserve xyz..."

most of us are nice, but life does not promise you anything...and what you make of your life is your gift to yourself...no one owes anyone a thing...


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## gangstadawg (Aug 11, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> Dawg, no woman has an obligation to be nice to anyone. Period, case closed.
> 
> The sad fact is that this has become a very harsh world. Some men are pigs, and some women are nasty. Seems to be the sign of the times.
> 
> Some women are not nice because their guard has been put up by not so nice guys. That may not be your fault, but you can't fault someone for being protective of themselves in this day and age.



its not just women its humans in general. the mind set of people seems to be changing (degrading) from acting like you have some sence, home training and treating others the way you would want to be treated to just being a asshole or douche bag. and people wonder why conflicts happen which is why i agree it is a harsh world.


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## mossystate (Aug 11, 2009)

People have always said that the world is horrible, and that people are getting more horrible......have always said this.

I run into a ton of great and considerate people. I have experienced this without being fake, without giving them what they felt they ' deserved '. Of course, if I think I am owed something...then I would be saying the same..." people are getting more horrible ".

Ever go into, let's say, a grocery store, and just keep your eyes open, and not just to people who might have something you are looking for, or are those you want to ' get next to ' ( according to the list in your head )? You will find that there are more people than not, who will meet your eyes...give a bit of a smile...exchange a few polite words. 

Last week, I went to this place called Country Village, near Seattle. We just stopped in to see if anybody had some produce. We only found apples, but, my 3 year old nephew eyed the lawnmower pulled train. He and my niece wanted to ride it. A man in his 70's was sitting...alone...in one of the cars. His wife was standing about 12 feet from me. When I heard them talk about the grandson in the caboose, I realized that it was not just this man riding alone ( which, in itself would have been sweet ). I laughed and said to his wife..." aw, I was wondering why you were not riding with him ". We started to chat a bit. There was a boy of about 10, who was sitting at the picnic table closest to me. He was reading a book. He glanced up and then looked down. I asked what he was reading. He lit up and told me that it was a book about dinosaurs. 

Now, what does any of that have to do with all...this? Well, like I said, if you are expecting...demanding...nobody....not a woman in her 70's, waiting on her honey and their little one....not a little boy into his book....not a woman....a man....someone physically attractive to you....will be drawn to you.

Real niceness does not demand...expect.


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## superodalisque (Aug 11, 2009)

i think if your nice you deserve good things. it takes alot of effort to try and be a good person. but just because you are it doesn't mean a particular person will give it to you. if you aren't getting it from someone you just have to be proactive and move on to someone who can. its probably easier than forcing it anyway.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 11, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i think if your nice you deserve good things.



Felecia, i think you are a wonderful woman, but i honestly think this comment will do nothing but bring you a world of disappointment...i dont believe the world owes you anything just because you are a good person...it would be nice, but in my experience, alas, doesnt happen...good people get cancer, good people get run over, good people are lonely, good people are....

it's life.


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## madrik101 (Aug 11, 2009)

Sandie S-R said:


> Well, that's the problem!!
> 
> I forgot to *TRULY WISH* that I could lose weight.
> 
> ...



Very well, "wish" might have been the wrong word, but I think the rest of the post makes my point clear: body fat, by nature, _can_ be lost. It doesn't mean that you have to, or that you want to - but if ever you _did_ decide to lose weight, for whatever reason, it remains within one's power to do so. You're not born with whatever body fat you currently carry around, and it's probably not going to stay for the rest of your life. Even if you remain at roughly the same weight, in most cases except with the most un-athletic individual the body burns the fat and replaces it regularly. Put simply, there has never been a case where a body has been physically _unable_ to lose body fat, even if it requires the most rigorous methods. 

Conversely, there has never been a case where a person has been _able_ to change their sexual preferences, even if they are put through every physical and mental experiment known to man, save for those which cause permanent damage to the brain - even then it's unlikely the operation would actually succeed short of turning the person into a vegetable.
Sexuality is simply there from birth and it's set in stone, in as much as your gender is - maybe more so than gender now, considering recent medial developments. I hardly believe that one can diet or exercise it off.

But of course all of this was secondary to my main point, which was that being a fairly happy FA I don't feel the need to change my sexuality, and thus this restriction doesn't bother me. Thus I conceded that being a BBW (or plus-size person of any gender) is, in my books, the "harder" of the two options. All I did was list, in an unbiased manner, arguments for both sides. I hardly think it's fair to call me out on what was:

A) a perfectly valid point (even if the word "wish" was not meant to be taken literally; though frankly anyone who couldn't see how it was meant in the context clearly missed the entire point of my post). And;

B) a point provided only for the sake of fairness to both sides; that is to say, the argument, while true, still did not sway my final conclusion, which was that FA's seem to have it easier, by and large. 

Quite simply, the only way my point could be proven invalid is if someone can prove to me that fat _cannot_ be lost to any degree from one's body, and that its permanency is and always will be equal to or greater than that of one's sexual identity. I fail to see how anyone could ever believe that. It's fine to have an opinion that is biased towards one answer or another in regard to this thread's question, but it's not healthy to be biased to the exclusion of all alternative arguments; they can be embraced without shifting your final opinion of the matter, and that was I all that I meant by making those points originally. I'm troubled by the simplicity of a response to my earlier post that either does not recognize any of my points beyond a condescending interpretation of the word "wish" that rejects all context, or does not understand them.


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## gangstadawg (Aug 11, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i think if your nice you deserve good things. it takes alot of effort to try and be a good person. but just because you are it doesn't mean a particular person will give it to you. if you aren't getting it from someone you just have to be proactive and move on to someone who can. its probably easier than forcing it anyway.



ill go a step further. if you give respect then you technically "should" recieve respect. its not just being nice its also just general respect for somebody else.


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## wrestlingguy (Aug 11, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i think if your nice you deserve good things. it takes alot of effort to try and be a good person. but just because you are it doesn't mean a particular person will give it to you. if you aren't getting it from someone you just have to be proactive and move on to someone who can. its probably easier than forcing it anyway.



I was brought up in a Christian (Catholic) household, and the emphasis was placed on the words of Christ, love God, and love your neighbor as you would love yourself.

This is not directed at you at all Felicia. I'm using your quote because it illustrates the point that I'm about to make.

Following those 2 commandments, and 2 bucks will buy a small box of cookies. Your reward, according to God, is not that others will be as nice to you as you are to them. Ideally, this would be wonderful, but I read a recent article on the net about how difficult it is to be a true Christian today, because not everyone holds beliefs about how to treat others in a Christian manner, and their social mores without God may be non existent.

All one can look forward to as a true Christian is belief that the good things will come after you leave this world. As you said, it's easier NOT to force someone to thank you if you open a door for them or let them into traffic in a merge. You won't be thanked, and if you beat it into them that they suck for being like that, you become as bad as them.

I'm not trying to turn this thread into a religious discussion, just wanted to elaborate on how I cope with the difficulty of dealing with a harsh, uncaring world.


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> Felecia, i think you are a wonderful woman, but i honestly think this comment will do nothing but bring you a world of disappointment...i dont believe the world owes you anything just because you are a good person...it would be nice, but in my experience, alas, doesnt happen...good people get cancer, good people get run over, good people are lonely, good people are....
> 
> it's life.



i think you misunderstood what i meant. i didn't mean that i think that the world owes me anything. i probably wasn't clear. ideally if your nice people should return it. i know that isn't always the case. and thats why i also said that if someone doesn't you should move on. its not about owing but expecting. when i have expectations of good from people they try harder for me. its like some odd auora that can spread from me to them. its about reciprocating love between people--not romantic love but just love for the recognition of someone else's humanity. its not a tit for tat kind of thing. its not that people should be nice just because they might get something from someone else. its about creating a kind of spirit around your words deeds and actions where people find it easier to be thier best. maybe because most of the world expects the worst and it might be a respite for them. i have a kind of a buddhist mind set about things--you get what you put out. it works for me. i don't expect everyone to believe that though. 

when something bad does happen i don't view it as an attack on me but just something that happens for many many reasons that i can't always understand. if a person fails me i don't look a it as someone hating me. they just have issues about why they aren't able to be who i think they should be. and i even question thinking that they should be able to fulfill that for me anyway--even when i think they should. things that aren't so positive have happened to me but i look at them as a learning and growth experience. true they don't feel so good at the time but there isn't too much that has happened to me in my life that hasn't improved me as a person in some way.


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

gangstadawg said:


> ill go a step further. if you give respect then you technically "should" recieve respect. its not just being nice its also just general respect for somebody else.



indeed. respect is so important for everyone and it has a lot to do with everyone's self worth.


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## KHayes666 (Aug 12, 2009)

That's the thing right there, respect.

I'm nice and kind to those who respect me, chances are I respect them back.

However those I don't respect, I'm far more inclined to be nasty and rude than I am to grit my teeth and be respectful.

I don't respect anyone who doesn't respect me, and I'm pretty sure a lot of people have similar attitudes


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> I was brought up in a Christian (Catholic) household, and the emphasis was placed on the words of Christ, love God, and love your neighbor as you would love yourself.
> 
> This is not directed at you at all Felicia. I'm using your quote because it illustrates the point that I'm about to make.
> 
> ...



i was brought up southern baptist . but my catholic education influenced me quite a bit i'm sure. but i think i really connect to is buddhism. i'm trying to learn to be more mindful of my actions and trying to get them under control. i think religion can have a big influence on what you think. i don't think anyone gets away from the things they have read seen and heard all of their life. it has a deep influence on how you think.


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