# Confession: Defense of Feederism and Transition of Thought



## largenlovely (Apr 22, 2008)

I've been meaning to write this for a while, but wanted to think about it a bit more clearly before i began. It's pretty much the transition of thought I have went through from having been involved in this community for a number of years now  It's also a very personal experience that i really would like to just share with others i suppose. I feel like i should defend some feeders even though i know there are also feeders out there who DO perpetuate the negative stereotype..i guess i just want to reassure the ladies that not all feeders are scary and share my own story 

Many years ago when i was introduced to this community and heard the term feeder, i have to admit that i was frightened by it. Eventually i started my website and became more comfortable with the term and individuals who were feeders, but it was still a scary thought. When someone said "feeder" i immediately thought "feeding to the point of immobility". I would think this feeder would never be satisfied with my size...he would always NEED me to be bigger and bigger until i was unable to move. Which, isn't any better than a non-fa trying to convince me to diet. Well worse actually....i mean, immobility is a frightening thing for most anyone. 

As the years went by and i became more comfortable in my fat body the idea of gaining weight wasn't as scary. I came to terms with a lot of things in my life and realized that i may have been my own feeder for a long time. My virginity was taken by rape at age 15 and then i was raped again a year later. I think that in some way i became my own feeder out of protection. I think there was something inside me that blamed the way i looked for having been raped twice...even though i was still pretty hefty back then because my body is naturally fatter anyway. Subconsiously i think i believed that i would be less likely to be raped a third time if i were larger and "unattractive". That is what society teaches afterall..that fat is unattractive right? (Of course i later learned this was not true obviously hehe). My only reason for mentioning this is to help others. When i came to this realization i was surprised by it. I mentioned it to Bruce and he told me that he knew of others who also felt this way and it relieved my mind. So by mentioning this, i hope to relieve the mind of someone else who might read this... But anyway, i think this is where it all began....

I became involved in a long term relationship with a man who was not a feeder. Things were fine until i became ill and i lost about 30 pounds. he would say things like "you used to fill out those jeans a lot better"...or..."wow your belly used to be a lot bigger than this". Then eventually he asked me to gain the weight back. I was very offended as anyone would've been. Eventually after having been pressured, i agreed to *try* it...i said that if i didn't like it then i would stop. I should've just realized then that if 30 pounds made such a huge difference in our relationship then it wasn't the best relationship for us lol. But..i rationalized and such and agreed to just see what i thought of it. I gave it a shot..but did not like it. I felt pressured and objectified and all the horrible things i imagined that i would feel in that type of relationship. This was one of the many turning points that ended the relationship. So after this i was even more scared of a feeder/feedee relationship. 

Years passed on and i still spoke to feeders with hesitation. Bruce and I had been friends since practically the beginning of my having been introduced to the community. Bruce has always been very open about being a feeder. Though, most often when we would talk, feederism wouldn't be a topic of discussion. We did discuss this though. I asked his views on feederism and explained my experiences with it. We discussed immobility and we both agreed that (in our view) this was something that would be best left to fantasy. I made sure to clarify..numerous times lol, that i was not a feedee. He would try to assure me that his take on feederism was not anything remotely like what i had previously experienced. I was still hesitant in my mind i must admit. Eventually we agreed to meet in person. We hit it off immediately.. which we both knew we would. Though i don't think either of us were prepared for the intensity that we both experienced. (I'll digress because that's a whole other story lol). 

I'll try to share this experience without feeling like i'm pimping out our story lol... but my first experience with Bruce and feederism was quite magical and i was more than a little surprised by it...and maybe it was also magical because of the intense feelings we had already shared. I didn't feel objectified and pressured...in fact, it was the complete opposite. This was his way of worshipping and adoring me and i could feel the emotions coming from him. It was a beautiful intimate shared moment and one of the most beautiful moments i think i've ever experienced. The intense emotional exchange that we shared was something i had never felt before. It was just intimate in a way that i had never experienced. 

I think my point is...yes, there are feeders out there who DO scare us, objectify us and all those horrible things that we fear upon hearing the word feeder...but there are also feeders out there who are not the boogey man. I now know that it's possible to have this type of relationship and it not be a one sided thing. I still claim that i am not a feedee...though i suppose it's debatable lol. I tell Bruce that i am HIS feedee lol, but i honestly don't believe i could do this with another man. I am very much in love with Bruce and feederism as a method of foreplay just adds a level of intimacy to things that takes it to another level for both of us. 

I'm not trying to push feederism on anyone by any means. I would just like to suggest that feeders are not all the monsters we imagine them to be. If two people are open about their likes and dislikes and what they want from a relationship..and the relationship comes *before* feederism and then it is introduced into the relationship in a way that is agreeable for both parties.. then it can work. Actually, it can more than "work"...it can add a level of shared intimacy that very well may surprise you. Ok...i think that is all i really want to say lol. I'm sure Bruce will add more to this once he reads it


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 22, 2008)

I would also like to add that feederism doesn't necessarily have to be about weight gain. I have always had a "go with the flow" type of attitude about my weight. I don't plan on gaining though i know it has been a trend in my lifetime and i do expect it to happen lol. Though i also don't care to lose weight either. I enjoy eating...and since i enjoy eating it works well in this type of relationship. Does Bruce hope i will gain weight? absolutely lol..but i am aware of this ..it's not like i don't KNOW he's hoping for that hahaha. Though he also knows that i'm not going to gain just for the sake of gaining. 

We use feederism during foreplay which does create another level of intimacy for both of us. I don't eat more than i want to eat...I never feel pressured by him to eat until i'm sick. We don't *always* have to include this in every intimate moment...but when we do, we both enjoy it. 

Just wanted to add that in there...and express that there can be a compromise that is equally enjoyable for both parties


----------



## LoveBHMS (Apr 22, 2008)

Terrific post Melissa.

One thing I've tried over and over to explain to people about feeding is that it pretty much _requires_ an increased level of intimacy between partners. It's not something you can just do and have the other person be satisfied. You have to really know and understand the nuances of what excites them. For somebody to share this kink with you pretty much means they also trust you probably more than they've trusted anyone else ever. It's a highly personal thing and often if you do it with somebody you're giving them an experience they've fantasized about their entire life. At least for me, it makes me feel very trusted and very powerful at once...being able to satisfy somebody not just sexually but emotionally is an unbelieveable experience.


----------



## Mishty (Apr 22, 2008)

thats my girl..... :bow:

awesome post babe, just awesome.


----------



## shin_moyseku (Apr 23, 2008)

i may say that i agree totally with the view point of Melissa, and i am sure that many other feeders here will agree, i am glad that you and bruce find the delicated and perfect balance in the relationship feederism isues, i hope u get togheter many years and full of happiness.


----------



## pudgy (Apr 23, 2008)

What a well-crafted and articulate post! Thanks, Melissa, for a balanced and personal story. Your transparency certainly deserves much respect.


----------



## KHayes666 (Apr 24, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> I've been meaning to write this for a while, but wanted to think about it a bit more clearly before i began. It's pretty much the transition of thought I have went through from having been involved in this community for a number of years now  It's also a very personal experience that i really would like to just share with others i suppose. I feel like i should defend some feeders even though i know there are also feeders out there who DO perpetuate the negative stereotype..i guess i just want to reassure the ladies that not all feeders are scary and share my own story
> 
> Many years ago when i was introduced to this community and heard the term feeder, i have to admit that i was frightened by it. Eventually i started my website and became more comfortable with the term and individuals who were feeders, but it was still a scary thought. When someone said "feeder" i immediately thought "feeding to the point of immobility". I would think this feeder would never be satisfied with my size...he would always NEED me to be bigger and bigger until i was unable to move. Which, isn't any better than a non-fa trying to convince me to diet. Well worse actually....i mean, immobility is a frightening thing for most anyone.
> 
> ...



which one am I?


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 25, 2008)

thanks so much everyone  it was a personal story, but one i felt needed to be shared. I know a lot of women hear someone is a feeder and immediately write them off as an undesirable, because there was a time when i was leery myself (especially back when i first got online). Which, i suppose it's natural to fear something when you only hear the negative side of things..and really don't know a whole lot about it...or like myself, when i previously had such a bad experience with it.

I just wanted to share that it can be a very beautiful intimate thing between two people and that feederism isn't always that whole negative package that a lot of people think it is.

khayes..you'll have to answer that question yourself. The only thing scary about you is that mouth on ya...but you know i get a kick out of that lol

Big Hugs Everyone


----------



## wrestlingguy (Apr 26, 2008)

Thank you for that well crafted post, Melissa. One of the things I've come to know about Melissa over the years is her willingness to share her personal experiences with others in an effort to better understand our little phenomenon here in Dims, and some of the other online communitites.

I think what makes her & Bruce's relationship so special is their ability to focus on their feelings for each other BEFORE all of the other little intricacies involved in a feeder-feedee relationship. Having been lucky enough to know them both so well, I can say that their love for one another outweighs the other aspects of their relationship.

I will say that they are not the stereotypical feeder - feedee. I think they will both own up to that.......LOL. Bruce is not one of those morbid guys who want to stuff you until you die, then move on to the next "victim". More important, Melissa is a confident BBW who wouldn't allow that to happen in her life. So, it seems to me that their is a mutuality of idea here, and along with their feelings for each other, makes for a loving, and very sexual relationship.


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 26, 2008)

thank you for adding that...and as someone who knows us both very well i hope it carries some..er..weight lol. I know that some people assume that a woman who is a willing participant in this type of relationship is being "controlled" by a man. Especially since a lot of folks know i prefer a more dominant type fella. Most people don't know me well enough to know that i am also a very strong woman and NEED a strong man to keep up with me hahaha, but i know you know differently  ..and so does Bruce...and it's one of the reasons he loves me so hehe




wrestlingguy said:


> Thank you for that well crafted post, Melissa. One of the things I've come to know about Melissa over the years is her willingness to share her personal experiences with others in an effort to better understand our little phenomenon here in Dims, and some of the other online communitites.
> 
> I think what makes her & Bruce's relationship so special is their ability to focus on their feelings for each other BEFORE all of the other little intricacies involved in a feeder-feedee relationship. Having been lucky enough to know them both so well, I can say that their love for one another outweighs the other aspects of their relationship.
> 
> I will say that they are not the stereotypical feeder - feedee. I think they will both own up to that.......LOL. Bruce is not one of those morbid guys who want to stuff you until you die, then move on to the next "victim". More important, Melissa is a confident BBW who wouldn't allow that to happen in her life. So, it seems to me that their is a mutuality of idea here, and along with their feelings for each other, makes for a loving, and very sexual relationship.


----------



## Scalloped Dodo (Apr 28, 2008)

while sitting here with my mouth agape, i have to say i have the upmost respect for you! confidence, brains & beauty oh my! ....-dodo


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 28, 2008)

thank you so much 



Scalloped Dodo said:


> while sitting here with my mouth agape, i have to say i have the upmost respect for you! confidence, brains & beauty oh my! ....-dodo


----------



## Curious Jane (Apr 28, 2008)

thanks for posting this, it's really interesting and raises so many questions i dont know what to ask first.

i guess one thing i'd like to know--do you think you'd have gotten as big as you have without a feeder? or was that pretty much incidentally? i'm sorry if this question is offensive, can't figure out any way to ask it! but if you don't want to answer, that's fine

jane


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 28, 2008)

oh no that's fine  and it's a very good question. Like i said previously, i think i have probably been my own feeder for a long time ...and have been doing quite well hehe

Does Bruce contribute? i imagine he does...he does make sure food is more readily available and such. Also, there has been an increased sexual gratification from added pounds for both of us...so i suppose that is some sort of "incentive" if you will...which, would not have been there if i were without him. So yes, i believe he does contribute. 



Curious Jane said:


> thanks for posting this, it's really interesting and raises so many questions i dont know what to ask first.
> 
> i guess one thing i'd like to know--do you think you'd have gotten as big as you have without a feeder? or was that pretty much incidentally? i'm sorry if this question is offensive, can't figure out any way to ask it! but if you don't want to answer, that's fine
> 
> jane


----------



## UncannyBruceman (Apr 28, 2008)

I'm the best at what I do. But I gotta say, hearing her tell me about the latest "I can't fit" story certainly makes the time apart go a lot slower...


----------



## Curious Jane (Apr 28, 2008)

thanks for replying

one thing i notice is that people who are into this, some have a sexual thing about gaining, and some just really like to eat. it sounds like you're in the former group?

or are some in both groups?

jane


----------



## AlethaBBW (Apr 28, 2008)

This was a beautiful and well-written post, and it has given me a new perspective on the issue. With you guys, feeding seems to be just another way of loving each other, and that's something I can see myself doing.

Thanks for sharing your story with us.


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 29, 2008)

you ARE the best baby :kiss2:



UncannyBruceman said:


> I'm the best at what I do. But I gotta say, hearing her tell me about the latest "I can't fit" story certainly makes the time apart go a lot slower...


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 29, 2008)

i actually just like to eat...now, there has been a positive result sexually from it yes. I made another post about belly sex somewhere lol and that's something we had not been able to do except that recently my belly has gotten a lot bigger, so yeah, there have definitely been things that i enjoy from having become larger. Though, i think the difference is...a lot of feedee's would do this even without a partner...i believe i can only enjoy this with Bruce 



Curious Jane said:


> thanks for replying
> 
> one thing i notice is that people who are into this, some have a sexual thing about gaining, and some just really like to eat. it sounds like you're in the former group?
> 
> ...


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 29, 2008)

I'm so glad  



Jaded said:


> This was a beautiful and well-written post, and it has given me a new perspective on the issue. With you guys, feeding seems to be just another way of loving each other, and that's something I can see myself doing.
> 
> Thanks for sharing your story with us.


----------



## stan_der_man (Apr 29, 2008)

Excellent post Largenlovely! It is rare that we hear the gals side of the story when it comes to feeding and weight gain. It sounds like you and Bruce have a wonderful and close relationship, that is always the most important thing in any relationship no matter what. I don't remember where it was off hand (or who wrote it...), but I recall reading a statement like what you wrote, something to the effect, "feeders aren't the monsters that they are often made out to be". I completely agree with that. Maybe I'm only speaking for myself on this, I think many FAs have a knee jerk reaction against feeders, not so much because we are against it, but because we feel we are always being associated with feeders as FAs. The macabre aspects of feederism anyway. It's probably being overly (and unnecessarily) sensitive about the whole thing, but I have had my share of situations with dates I've been on (that knew I was a FA) that were awkward in regards to eating and being fat. It would seem that a fat person (woman) would be more comfortable with a FA about eating, but that isn't necessarily the case. I once had a date go ballistic after offering to buy her an ice cream cone at an outdoor concert, I could only assume she was thinking in terms of me trying to "feed" her or something. Feederism is always this shadow I feel hangs over me once I tell someone I'm a FA. I think as average people better understand fat acceptance it will become more a thing of the past though, and these stereotypes will fade. The sensitivity to this that people like me have will also fade. The most remarkable thing about this thread and what you are discussing is that we can have this type of conversation without tempers flaring. Again, it was a wonderful post Largenlovely, these types of conversations are long overdue.


----------



## wrestlingguy (Apr 29, 2008)

As usual, I agree with your post, Stan. That being said, I think there is some truth to the sicker side of feederism.

You've been around here a long time, and you've heard some of the stories about the gals that have been "used" by some of these bastards and then left to fend for themselves while they move on to a new "victim".

As much as I appreciate Melissa's post, I think the other side needs to be discussed as well. Bruce is in fact best at what he does, but there is a relationship between them that goes far beyond the feeder/feedee one.

Just like anywhere else in life, there are good and bad people. Feeders can be good or bad, and that perspective shouldn't get lost in the comments here.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Apr 29, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> As usual, I agree with your post, Stan. That being said, I think there is some truth to the sicker side of feederism.
> 
> You've been around here a long time, and you've heard some of the stories about the gals that have been "used" by some of these bastards and then left to fend for themselves while they move on to a new "victim".
> 
> ...



Sorry Phil but there is not a "sicker side of feederism."

Feederism is a sexual kink or fetish. There is nothing sick about feederism in and of itself. What is sick or wrong or bad is how people behave. Actions are good or evil, not sexuality.

You can say that rape is the "sicker side" of heterosexual intercourse. You can say that men who actually kidnap and imprison women or engage in the white slave trade represent the "sicker side" of S&M.

I happen to believe that any sexual activity involving consenting adults is not sick. It becomes sick and unhealthy when one person is coerced, harmed, or manipulated.

Also, despite the cliche model of a dominant male forcing a submissive female to gain for his pleasure, there are in fact submissive female feeders and dominant male feedees.


----------



## Fatgirlfan (Apr 30, 2008)

thanks LargenLovely, for the post. I have always had feeder thoughts. I always kept them secret because it is controversial. Some people think it is a form of abuse. But I think that in the right relationship it can be sensual and a beautiful thing if both partners are willing.


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 30, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> a knee jerk reaction against feeders.....
> 
> The most remarkable thing about this thread and what you are discussing is that we can have this type of conversation without tempers flaring. Again, it was a wonderful post Largenlovely, these types of conversations are long overdue.



yes i think there is a knee jerk reaction which is what i was hoping to help 1) explain to feeders and 2) maybe reign that automatic response. I think to automatically judge immediately is a mistake. I definitely understand that there are people who just flat out aren't into this, but there are also feeders who don't have to have this need satisfied in a relationship...of course it would be better i'm sure, but not necessary. 

I'm also glad that it can be discussed without flaming each other 



wrestlingguy said:


> As much as I appreciate Melissa's post, I think the other side needs to be discussed as well..



I also agree that there are feeders who are totally the negative stereotype. But Phil.. hasnt' that really been discussed enough? lol. I think most people are aware of what that is. I just wanted to place a positive post on the boards that explained a different side of feederism and gave a different viewpoint.


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 30, 2008)

wow i had no idea...that would be interesting to hear about



LoveBHMS said:


> Also, despite the cliche model of a dominant male forcing a submissive female to gain for his pleasure, there are in fact submissive female feeders and dominant male feedees.


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 30, 2008)

awww i'm sorry that you feel you have to hide in a place that is supposed to be accepting. I'm glad that you enjoyed the post hon 



Fatgirlfan said:


> thanks LargenLovely, for the post. I have always had feeder thoughts. I always kept them secret because it is controversial. Some people think it is a form of abuse. But I think that in the right relationship it can be sensual and a beautiful thing if both partners are willing.


----------



## wrestlingguy (Apr 30, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Sorry Phil but there is not a "sicker side of feederism."
> 
> Feederism is a sexual kink or fetish. There is nothing sick about feederism in and of itself. What is sick or wrong or bad is how people behave. Actions are good or evil, not sexuality.
> 
> ...



It was not my intention to hijack Melissa's positive thread. And, while I agree with her that the negative side of feeding has been much discussed in the forums, my post was just so that others who are new to this might keep a sense of perspective, that's all.

And while I agree with LoveBHMS that sick is when one person is coerced, harmed, or manipulated, I have seen many relationships over the years that involve exactly that. More important, while the feedee may have consented to this relationship, he or she may have done so simply to be involved *in* a relationship, or had low self esteem, or psychological issues that preclude them from making a rational choice to be in ANY kind of relationship.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Apr 30, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> It was not my intention to hijack Melissa's positive thread. And, while I agree with her that the negative side of feeding has been much discussed in the forums, my post was just so that others who are new to this might keep a sense of perspective, that's all.
> 
> And while I agree with LoveBHMS that sick is when one person is coerced, harmed, or manipulated, I have seen many relationships over the years that involve exactly that. More important, while the feedee may have consented to this relationship, he or she may have done so simply to be involved *in* a relationship, or had low self esteem, or psychological issues that preclude them from making a rational choice to be in ANY kind of relationship.



I see what you're saying Phil, but there are any number of situations where one person engages in behaviour s/he does not enjoy merely to satisfy the other person. There are men who insist on threeways or exhibitionism or any number of kinks that maybe you or I have not even thought of.

The other point I wanted to make is that it's not necessarily the feeder who is the dominant partner. There has been some discussion about this, but there are two possible models here. One is a dominant feeder who wants to make his feedee gain because the other person gaining gives the feeder pleasure. The other is a dominant feedee for whom gaining in pleasurable and the feeder is the submissive one who does the satisfying by engaging in the 'demanded for' behaviour.


----------



## largenlovely (Apr 30, 2008)

I understand that this is surely a reality in some cases, but I think that a lot of people assume this about *anyone* who would be involved in this type of relationship..and that makes me angry and i really hoped it wouldn't be a part of this thread. 

I think there is enough negativity out there that any new person would be able to find it easily. This thread was meant to describe a beautiful experience in the midst of all that negativity and show that there actually are real relationships that can include this without going off to some extreme that a lot of women wouldn't be comfortable with.

Edit***** i wanted to fix something. It doesn't make me angry at you Phil, but the thought in general makes me angry




wrestlingguy said:


> More important, while the feedee may have consented to this relationship, he or she may have done so simply to be involved *in* a relationship, or had low self esteem, or psychological issues that preclude them from making a rational choice to be in ANY kind of relationship.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Apr 30, 2008)

I think that there should be some consideration to the fact that some relationships between an FA and their BBpartner are naturally going to involve food. I think that some people like to eat and some people like the effects of that person eating, whether it be, supplying it, making it, serving it, watching it, the results after eating it, which are numerous, etc.

I believe that what Melissa describes is a loving, mutually respectful relationship where both partners are having their needs met and discovering some new fun along the way.

I agree that forced feederism and abandonment is horrible. I do not think that all "feederism" is manipulative. I like to call my relationship with my husband a foodie/fooder. I like to eat and he likes to supply it, etc. There is a mutual enjoyment, and food is part of many aspects of our life.

I am grateful that Melissa is willing to share her life and do it so eloquently. Maybe if more people realized that food is not evil, it could be recognized as part of a healthy, loving relationship.

I think that there are a lot of submissive fooders who aim to please their partner, just as someone would if their partner preferred flowers or jewelry. Personally, my husband knows if he wants to bring a huge smile to my face, surprising me with goodies from the bakery will work every time. It is not manipulation, it is courting. He also knows that I *use* food to court him, like, eating certain foods a certain way or bringing food into other situations. For us it is a win/win situation. 

I think that all strangers need to come with a warning - like, "keep your eyes open until you know their true intentions", but not all intentions are bad ones.

I have never met Melissa, but reading her posts for the past week has made me realize that my relationship with my husband is not so unique. She has described many things that I can relate to. I think that some others may benefit from reading these things so that they might ENJOY what they are doing without guilt, if they were having any bad feelings about it. If it is between two consenting adults and both have good intentions, then enjoy yourselves.

I hope this post does not seem rambling or negative to anyone. I am just joining the "people who lovingly offer food to their willing partner" club.


----------



## largenlovely (May 1, 2008)

DumbAssBunny said:


> I believe that what Melissa describes is a loving, mutually respectful relationship where both partners are having their needs met and discovering some new fun along the way.
> 
> 
> > yes that's exactly what i was trying to get across
> ...


----------



## LoveBHMS (May 1, 2008)

> And while I agree with LoveBHMS that sick is when one person is coerced, harmed, or manipulated, I have seen many relationships over the years that involve exactly that. More important, while the feedee may have consented to this relationship, he or she may have done so simply to be involved in a relationship, or had low self esteem, or psychological issues that preclude them from making a rational choice to be in ANY kind of relationship.



I would not consider it to be consenting if a person believes s/he has to do it in order for the relationship to exist. 

It is possible for feederism to exist outside of a relationship, but still to be done in a "consenting" fashion; adults have consensual sex outside of marriage/dating all the time. So long as both parties agree to the terms, there is nothing wrong with it.

There is more than enough negative stuff written about it, it's nice to see a thread where it's discussed from a positive perspective.


----------



## LoveBHMS (May 1, 2008)

In many cases, it's the feeder who is actually the submissive one.

There are as many combinations of roles as there are partners who practice this, but I do think it's important to point out that there are many, many willing and eager feedees who seek out feeders to satisfy them. It's not only feeders looking for a partner who they can help gain weight. If a person is aroused by the idea or practice of erotic weight gain, it makes sense to seek out a partner who wants to play the opposing role, either feeder or feedee.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (May 1, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> In many cases, it's the feeder who is actually the submissive one.



Yes, exactly. I always thought that there had to be others who would also fit into the male submissive feeder and female dominant feedee category. It was on threads here and looking at some other sites that I realized that it is definitely more than alot of people realize.

Again, because alot of attention has been paid to (and sometimes rightfully so) the dangers of a dominant feeder who stuffs and leaves, the attention is shifted away from the gals who like food and the men who aim to please them.

I actually read on one of the sites about a submissive man who would willingly give up food if his feedee wanted more and there wasn't going to be enough for him. I was like, gee, hubby has given me food off his plate more than once. I think sometimes the feederism is more subtle than some may realize because some are too quick to label it as a kink or fetish. With anything, there are varying degrees and we all fit into the kaleidoscope that is this world.


----------



## LoveBHMS (May 1, 2008)

DumbAssBunny said:


> Yes, exactly. I always thought that there had to be others who would also fit into the male submissive feeder and female dominant feedee category. It was on threads here and looking at some other sites that I realized that it is definitely more than alot of people realize.
> 
> Again, because alot of attention has been paid to (and sometimes rightfully so) the dangers of a dominant feeder who stuffs and leaves, the attention is shifted away from the gals who like food and the men who aim to please them.
> 
> I actually read on one of the sites about a submissive man who would willingly give up food if his feedee wanted more and there wasn't going to be enough for him. I was like, gee, hubby has given me food off his plate more than once. I think sometimes the feederism is more subtle than some may realize because some are too quick to label it as a kink or fetish. With anything, there are varying degrees and we all fit into the kaleidoscope that is this world.



the *guys* who like food and the females who aim to please them.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (May 1, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> the *guys* who like food and the females who aim to please them.



You are right, sorry about that. Big guys need their loving ladies too!:blush:


----------



## Aireman (May 1, 2008)

Great post LnL! First off I want to thank you for taking the time to share your "growth" and of your journey to the rest of us. You have been very candid and thoughtful. I feel better about myself because you have put into words, very eloquently, of how I feel about a relationship with a BBW should be. I stress the "I" part. Don't want to get some peoples panties in a bunch. Food has to be in the mix for me. I want to feel like I have contributed to the of woman of my desires lovelyness. And food would play a part in the sensuality of the act of sex.


----------



## LillyBBBW (May 1, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> *In many cases, it's the feeder who is actually the submissive one.*
> 
> There are as many combinations of roles as there are partners who practice this, but I do think it's important to point out that there are many, many willing and eager feedees who seek out feeders to satisfy them. It's not only feeders looking for a partner who they can help gain weight. If a person is aroused by the idea or practice of erotic weight gain, it makes sense to seek out a partner who wants to play the opposing role, either feeder or feedee.



These are pretty much the only types of relationships I've been in and the only ones I can really tolerate. Surely there is some chest beating and encouraging on his part but I liken it to a strip tease. I'm the one who does the dancing and picks the music. It's his job to just sit there, whistle and cheer. I often wonder though, in many D/s relatiohships the couple will readily agree that even though the male is the Dom, the sub is really the one who is in control. I'm not spelling it out right but to generalize, just about any relationship forms more around the people and not upon set standards and label roles.

/jibberish


----------



## olwen (May 1, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> ....I often wonder though, in many D/s relatiohships the couple will readily agree that even though the male is the Dom, the sub is really the one who is in control. I'm not spelling it out right but to generalize, just about any relationship forms more around the people and not upon set standards and label roles.
> 
> /jibberish



Yes Lilly you are on the right track, but just to add to it. LoveBHMS was getting at this too. 

I enjoy BDSM. I identify as the sub. I can say that from my experience and from talking to other subs the roles D/s, M/s, Top, bottom can be labeled, but essentially it is a _playful exchange of power_. Tho I am the sub, when I say to my Dom, I want you to do x, or I don't like it when you do y, or when I hint at a certain thing, or when I use my safe word, I am in control during those moments, yet I am the sub. When he gives into what I want (whether I want it to be a punishment or a reward) he is being the submissive. But in those moments it doesn't matter really. 

Because it is an intense and constant EXCHANGE of power and sexual energy often it is not appropriate or necessary to figure out who is playing which role all the time. Not knowing exactly does not diminish from that role or the experience of the scene either. It only adds to it. I _willingly _give up my power to my Dom. He cannot have it joyfully without my acquiescence and a good Dom knows this and feels privileged to have it. And I, as a sub am comforted to know that Dom cares enough (about me or the purity of the experience or both) to want to take on that responsibility.

When any play/game/scene/kink/fetish activity that one engages in is done in a safe sane consensual manner it becomes a loving and nurturing scene no matter who you are playing with. Essentially it's the safe sane consensual parts that count towards this. There are people who do play without these rules. I wouldn't want to be involved in that kind of scene at all.


----------



## LillyBBBW (May 2, 2008)

olwen said:


> Yes Lilly you are on the right track, but just to add to it. LoveBHMS was getting at this too.
> 
> I enjoy BDSM. I identify as the sub. I can say that from my experience and from talking to other subs the roles D/s, M/s, Top, bottom can be labeled, but essentially it is a _playful exchange of power_. Tho I am the sub, when I say to my Dom, I want you to do x, or I don't like it when you do y, or when I hint at a certain thing, or when I use my safe word, I am in control during those moments, yet I am the sub. When he gives into what I want (whether I want it to be a punishment or a reward) he is being the submissive. But in those moments it doesn't matter really.
> 
> ...



Thank you olwen. You hit the nail on the head and explained it way better than my clumsy attempt.


----------



## wrestlingguy (May 4, 2008)

olwen said:


> There are people who do play without these rules. I wouldn't want to be involved in that kind of scene at all.




In my pre-Asshley days I met a girl who liked to be choked during sex. As we spoke, she related to me many stories of her being in control, that is, that she had a signal that she would give just before she was ready to pass out, like a double tap, and her dom would release her from the choke hold. She claimed the most intense orgasm from this activity, as she considered herself in control.

About a week before we were to meet in person (she lived in Pittsburgh), she called me to let me know that her dom had put her in the hospital, as he cholked her beyond consciousness. She became infuriated when I asked her if she, in her effort to be "in control" decided against the old double tug. Upon further interrogation, she admitted that she was enjoying it so much that she refused to give in, and was now hospitalized as a result.

To this day, I reflect on the fact that 1. She was in control of the entire relationship, and her "dom" was really subserviant to her wishes, and 2. If anyone sees a part of their sexual relationship as potentially harmful to themselves, or the object of their desire, they should exercise their right to get out of it.

I never met this girl in person, for fear that it would not be enjoyable to choke the hell out of her and nearly kill her for either one of our satisfactions. I make this analogy because I beleive feederism can be the same way. I believe it's a choice, and when both agree on the parameters & limits of what they want, it can be phenomenal, but when there is in fact no agreement, it can be a mess, for at least one, and sometimes both of them.

This is a long winded way of giving rep to Olwen for her very thoughtful post, as I'm out of rep for her at present.


----------



## olwen (May 4, 2008)

Thank you Guy.

I've also experienced the playing without clear rules - my first Dom in fact - and so I learned the hard way. Only the hurt and danger was psychological rather than physical. It can be just as bad. I wanted to negotiate after about 4 months into it because I was starting to get the out of control feeling. He refused to negotiate and it just got ugly. Never again. I'm actually starting to wonder if I should use written contracts for the future.


----------



## Fuzzy Necromancer (May 10, 2008)

wrestlingguy, that's a sad and frightening story. I would like to think however that spoon-feeding a lover chocolate ice cream and weighing them on a scale is far less likely to turn ugly and get out of control than, yah know, strangling them.


----------



## KHayes666 (May 10, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> wrestlingguy, that's a sad and frightening story. I would like to think however that spoon-feeding a lover chocolate ice cream and weighing them on a scale is far less likely to turn ugly and get out of control than, yah know, strangling them.



I don't know....those spoons are very deadly lol


----------



## SoVerySoft (May 18, 2008)

DumbAssBunny said:


> I think that there should be some consideration to the fact that some relationships between an FA and their BBpartner are naturally going to involve food. I think that some people like to eat and some people like the effects of that person eating, whether it be, supplying it, making it, serving it, watching it, the results after eating it, which are numerous, etc.....
> 
> ...I hope this post does not seem rambling or negative to anyone. I am just joining the "people who lovingly offer food to their willing partner" club.



I tried to rep you for this post but it wouldn't let me! So I am forced to publicly give you a big cheer for a terrific post. Loved it.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (May 19, 2008)

SoVerySoft said:


> I tried to rep you for this post but it wouldn't let me! So I am forced to publicly give you a big cheer for a terrific post. Loved it.



Thank you Randi!


----------



## Plainguy (Jun 20, 2008)

What an incredible posting. So rarely does one express themselves as eloquently as you have here LnL. . I always make reference to the amount of time I've been "online" or a member of the size-acceptance community. It's very true, many years have passed since my introduction to the "online" community via Internet Relay Chat. . Talk about ancient times eh?

While I've never met most of the folks on here in person, there are many over the years I've come to know in chat and other venues. You learn to get a "feel" for people over the years. Sometimes you're right, sometimes not so right, but it seems to balance. 

I always say, "one of these years I'm gonna make it to Vegas so I can rub elbows with the folks here". Well one of these years. . Oh heck, I may even find time to participate in something regional. . hahaha

LnL is one of those really "cool" people that you run across online and think to yourself. ."Damn that girl has it together". . Of course she does have it together. . It takes a lot to open up and share life's unpleasant experiences here, or anywhere for that matter. It's never easy, but I like to think the people here are more supportive than combative. Besides, you never know who you may help out by sharing. . 

I salute you LnL for being so open and honest. . You're an inspiration to more people than you may realize.


----------



## largenlovely (Jun 20, 2008)

yes ancient times lol...i've had a website for 8+ years and had found dimensions a year prior to that. So i've been around for almost a decade now. It's really shocking to me when i think of it in those terms lol. 

but really....what an amazing compliment  one of the best i've ever received...thank you so much. 



Plainguy said:


> What an incredible posting. So rarely does one express themselves as eloquently as you have here LnL. . I always make reference to the amount of time I've been "online" or a member of the size-acceptance community. It's very true, many years have passed since my introduction to the "online" community via Internet Relay Chat. . Talk about ancient times eh?
> 
> While I've never met most of the folks on here in person, there are many over the years I've come to know in chat and other venues. You learn to get a "feel" for people over the years. Sometimes you're right, sometimes not so right, but it seems to balance.
> 
> ...


----------



## Tad (Jun 20, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> yes ancient times lol...i've had a website for 8+ years and had found dimensions a year prior to that. So i've been around for almost a decade now. It's really shocking to me when i think of it in those terms lol.



No, that isn't possible....you are one of those 'new' people! So if you've been around here that long, and I'd been here well before you, that means..... 

But on a more serious note, thank you for all you've said in this thread. I think it has been a really valuable contribution to Dimensions.


----------



## largenlovely (Jun 20, 2008)

I was in chat a few weeks ago and had a 21 year old boy tell me that he'd been viewing my pictures since he was 14...i nearly fell out of my chair. I felt about as old as the hills when he said that lol 

and thank you  i'd really hoped to shed some new light on a touchy subject. 




edx said:


> No, that isn't possible....you are one of those 'new' people! So if you've been around here that long, and I'd been here well before you, that means.....
> 
> But on a more serious note, thank you for all you've said in this thread. I think it has been a really valuable contribution to Dimensions.


----------



## dragorat (Jun 20, 2008)

*OK...I haven't yet really experienced a feeder/feedee relationship although the idea does entice me a bit.The way I look at it is for some the relationship may be associated with childhood memories.The thoughts of the parent(feeder) giving sustinance & nourishment to the baby(feedee).The love in the act itself is a form of fullfillment to both.I enjoy eating & I also enjoy watching a lady enjoy her meal.If I can help her or she help me to enjoy it even more then all the better.As many here have said as long as it's between consenting adults & guidelines have been set then I feel all that can come from it is good for both.:eat1::eat2:*


----------



## largenlovely (Jun 20, 2008)

amen ..and that's all that matters in the end 



dragorat said:


> *As many here have said as long as it's between consenting adults & guidelines have been set then I feel all that can come from it is good for both.:eat1::eat2:*


----------



## KHayes666 (Jun 21, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> yes ancient times lol...i've had a website for 8+ years and had found dimensions a year prior to that. So i've been around for almost a decade now. It's really shocking to me when i think of it in those terms lol.
> 
> but really....what an amazing compliment  one of the best i've ever received...thank you so much.



You've had a site since I was a freshman in high school? Damn I'm old :-( lol


----------



## largenlovely (Jun 21, 2008)

YOU?? what about ME lol




KHayes666 said:


> You've had a site since I was a freshman in high school? Damn I'm old :-( lol


----------



## KHayes666 (Jun 21, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> YOU?? what about ME lol



Good point....I'll go find matching canes that we can poke the young whipersnappers with lol


----------



## pat70327 (Jun 23, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> YOU?? what about ME lol



Same here, you must have been one of the first girl I saw on the web and now I'm almost 20 :doh:


----------



## largenlovely (Jun 23, 2008)

I'm scared to even ask what age that was when you first saw lol




pat70327 said:


> Same here, you must have been one of the first girl I saw on the web and now I'm almost 20 :doh:


----------



## pat70327 (Jun 23, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> I'm scared to even ask what age that was when you first saw lol



Yeah it's kinda weird to think about it ... but it was one of those amazing moments for me in finding a new community/"world"


----------



## Chad (Jun 23, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> I was in chat a few weeks ago and had a 21 year old boy tell me that he'd been viewing my pictures since he was 14



Yeah, not me, but I have seen you on Big Cuties since i was 13, don't even ask how I got on there. It's was real simple back then to take out the child safeguard on aol, even easier when your mother's password was her initials and birth year. Anyway, yeah, I've been around posting from time to time, it has been a long time, but you haven't aged at all. If anything you've become even more beautiful than you were back then.


----------



## largenlovely (Jun 23, 2008)

aawww that's very sweet..it really made me smile 



pat70327 said:


> Yeah it's kinda weird to think about it ... but it was one of those amazing moments for me in finding a new community/"world"


----------



## largenlovely (Jun 23, 2008)

omg i love you..you're my new best friend  hehehe



Chad said:


> Yeah, not me, but I have seen you on Big Cuties since i was 13, don't even ask how I got on there. It's was real simple back then to take out the child safeguard on aol, even easier when your mother's password was her initials and birth year. Anyway, yeah, I've been around posting from time to time, it has been a long time, but you haven't aged at all. If anything you've become even more beautiful than you were back then.


----------



## captainawesome (Jun 23, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> YOU?? what about ME lol



OK, I've just viewed the forums often, never posted. But I must echo the other comments. 

Melissa is one of the first SSBBWs I saw on the Internet, and I was in high school at the time. Somehow a search for fat women turned up a story from the dimensions library. From there, I somehow discovered largenlovely.

From then to the day I was old enough to get my own credit card to actually sign up for her site , it was all good. That was the SouthernCharms site. While I do like some other models, and have kept accounts with a few, Melissa was the first site I signed up for and still the only one I've kept active for a few years now, from BigCuties to the current, From then at about 335 I think to whatever you weigh now, you are really it. Thanks, and trust us, you're not old. We wouldn't be lining up like we do if you were anything but truly awesome.


----------



## largenlovely (Jun 23, 2008)

omg y'all are really starting to make me blush :blush:

that is just so sweet i don't even know where to begin  that southern charms site was sooooo long ago hehe. Back then i was taking pics with a rotten camera. There wasn't even a memory on the camera. I'd have to place the camera on a tripod, hit the timer button and run get in place to take a picture.... No LCD screen even, so i'd have to guess at placement. If i messed it up and cut off my head or something i'd have to delete and retake the pic. Then i'd have to immediately upload the pic and then repeat process...and the quality...oh my lol. ...anyone who joined my site back then was TRULY dedicated hahaha. So..really...that is just a huge huge compliment thank you so very much :kiss2:



captainawesome said:


> OK, I've just viewed the forums often, never posted. But I must echo the other comments.
> 
> Melissa is one of the first SSBBWs I saw on the Internet, and I was in high school at the time. Somehow a search for fat women turned up a story from the dimensions library. From there, I somehow discovered largenlovely.
> 
> From then to the day I was old enough to get my own credit card to actually sign up for her site , it was all good. That was the SouthernCharms site. While I do like some other models, and have kept accounts with a few, Melissa was the first site I signed up for and still the only one I've kept active for a few years now, from BigCuties to the current, From then at about 335 I think to whatever you weigh now, you are really it. Thanks, and trust us, you're not old. We wouldn't be lining up like we do if you were anything but truly awesome.


----------



## Tad (Jun 24, 2008)

Maybe this is off topic, or maybe it isn't....

Largenlovely, I’ve never been to your pay sites, but I’ve seen you around Dimensions chat and boards since whenever you first started coming here, and I’d say that there has never been a time when you didn’t live up to your name. Really, I think the truth is that you are simply beautiful, size be darned. The fact that you like being fat and have such a great attitude and have gained weight and all that may have won you extra fans, but I think whatever you did, at whatever size, there would be guys eager to look at you.

Which does make you a good spokesperson for gaining, because I think you can make anything look good *L*


----------



## largenlovely (Jun 24, 2008)

thank you so much Ed  I think gaining was/is a natural thing for me.. regardless of reasoning from childhood....I find it so interesting how at first i was probably doing it on purpose for negative reasons and now i just let it happen without reason. It's interesting how things turn out lol

but thank you so much  It's kind of like i've grown up on the boards (pardon the pun) lol. I mean, starting here in my mid 20's and now going on my mid 30's ...there's a huge difference in the person i used to be...but thank you so much  i can't even tell y'all how much these compliments mean to me. Dimensions is really just the greatest fat place on earth lol :wubu:




edx said:


> Maybe this is off topic, or maybe it isn't....
> 
> Largenlovely, Ive never been to your pay sites, but Ive seen you around Dimensions chat and boards since whenever you first started coming here, and Id say that there has never been a time when you didnt live up to your name. Really, I think the truth is that you are simply beautiful, size be darned. The fact that you like being fat and have such a great attitude and have gained weight and all that may have won you extra fans, but I think whatever you did, at whatever size, there would be guys eager to look at you.
> 
> Which does make you a good spokesperson for gaining, because I think you can make anything look good *L*


----------



## Ted Michael Morgan (Jun 26, 2008)

The idea of hurting someone with feeding is pretty frightening to me, but the idea of fatting up a girl is a turn on. I recall watching women I have know grow and I have always found it a turn on.



Jaded said:


> This was a beautiful and well-written post, and it has given me a new perspective on the issue. With you guys, feeding seems to be just another way of loving each other, and that's something I can see myself doing.
> 
> Thanks for sharing your story with us.


----------



## HDANGEL15 (Jun 29, 2008)

*((LnL aka Mellssa)))*

*I read this part :* My virginity was taken by rape at age 15 and then i was raped again a year later. I think that in some way i became my own feeder out of protection. I think there was something inside me that blamed the way i looked for having been raped twice...even though i was still pretty hefty back then because my body is naturally fatter anyway. Subconsiously i think i believed that i would be less likely to be raped a third time if i were larger and "unattractive". That is what society teaches afterall..that fat is unattractive right? (Of course i later learned this was not true obviously hehe). My only reason for mentioning this is to help others.

*And was like wow..I have heard that so often, I am a FA of the BHM, although I am in awe of some of the lovely ladies like yourself here. I have been an active member of AA and the food related 12 step groups for the last 12 yrs off and on, and have heard so many women share that the weight started as a protection against rapists...you are a rare and beautiful woman to have dealt as you have and accepted yourself and loved you for you. I applaud and have nothing but respect, thanks for the beautiful post, and share so honestly.* :kiss2:


----------



## largenlovely (Jun 29, 2008)

thank you  I was fortunate and went to a private therapist to deal with those issues...but it wasn't until years later that i realized that i must have also used my weight as some sort of protection mechanism. It's funny how the mind works, especially when you're a teenager. I really had no idea that the thought was prevalent...when Bruce told me not so long ago that he had heard of others saying they felt this way, i was surprised. I'm also surprised to hear you say that you've heard it a lot. I think it also helps validate my own psychoanalysis lol so i thank you for that 




HDANGEL15 said:


> *And was like wow..I have heard that so often, I am a FA of the BHM, although I am in awe of some of the lovely ladies like yourself here. I have been an active member of AA and the food related 12 step groups for the last 12 yrs off and on, and have heard so many women share that the weight started as a protection against rapists...you are a rare and beautiful woman to have dealt as you have and accepted yourself and loved you for you. I applaud and have nothing but respect, thanks for the beautiful post, and share so honestly.* :kiss2:


----------



## Chimpi (Jun 29, 2008)

Melissa, I too have heard about the rape factor as a young person and then gaining weight in a direct, aggressive manner so as to become "fat, ugly, and unattractive." Where many of us know that being fat does not usually constitute being ugly or unattractive, it is readily viewable that many people see it that way. It is sad. But, I wanted you to know that I have heard of it as well, and that I am glad you have written about your personal experiences and have made it available to open eyes. Your honesty, candor, and expression are remarkable. 

I also am glad that you posted this post (as many others have stated), especially for the Feeder perspective. I am not sure if I am a feeder or not; I have never participated in such activities, and I am not sure how I might feel about them in those situations. While I have been a member of this community, I have seem the contemporary view of Feederism, and feel that it is prejudged entirely too often. I feel that Feederism is not always about weight gain, is not always about immobility, is not always about pain & suffering (_garmonbozia_ for you *Twin Peaks* fans), and is reliant on the person or persons at hand. I feel that it (Feederism) is just an enjoyment of food in any number of ways ("foodie", "feedee", "feeder", etc...), and can be expressed in so many different fashions.
I am glad to read that your experiences with Bruce have been nothing but positive and wonderful. I agree with your perception, and am very glad to see that it is possible to sway to that side of a relationship even when having been presented with negative reviews in the first place (of Feederism in general).

Thank you very much for sharing your story, Melissa.


----------



## Chimpi (Jun 29, 2008)

I just thought of something that I wanted to add to this thread, and rather than Editing it into my post, I decided to post yet again.

My mother used to be [for many, many years] a psychologist. She is a very liberal person (political leanings aside), and goes into everything with a _very_ open mind and keen perspective.
A long time ago, when I first introduced my mother into the life of "Fat Admirers," she wanted to learn about such things on her own. I did not introduce her into this community, and I have since then. Well, she took some time out and did some research on the life of "Fat Admirers." I'm not sure what her sources were or the information she had been presented with, but the forefront term she was given was "Feeder." I like to think that she was entirely clueless of the term and went in, yet again, with an open mind, but I do not think that was the case.
Over the course of her research into "Feederism," she read many negative views and instances of outcome. She did not read very many positive things about "Feederism," and has since never been educated about the realities that many have in relation to "Feederism." The positive things, I mean.

It's not a very good story, and has no real bearing on anything, but I wanted to share that little bit of information on this thread that the negative sanctions of "Feederism" are readily available, yet not necessarily the commonplace. I hope others try to continue their level of open-mindedness when it comes to this topic of discussion. And, yet again, thanks for sharing your story, Melissa.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jul 4, 2008)

I think there are several reasons for the cliche negative views on feederism.

Foremost, it's hard for many people to fathom that the feedee may be into it and may want to gain weight. After all, fat is negative, so if _obviously_ nobody would want to be fat, an activity that might make a person fatter has to be harmful and coercive. This is of course utter bullshit. I've been involved in 2 feeding situations and in both cases, my partners wanted to gain weight and wanted to be fat. They loved it.

Second it's presumed that the only outcome from feederism must be excessive weight gain. In some cases, there is no weight gain at all. Some partners may practice feeding or stuffing only occaisionally and neither may need a change in the feedee's weight to feel satisfied. In other cases, the feedee is gaining but is doing so to an acceptable level for him or her and to where the feedee does not feel his or her life or activities are compromised to an unacceptable degree.

Third, since most of the stereotype feederism stories are about male feeders and female feedees, they totally ignore the possible active participation of the feedee. Even in this century, the idea of female sexuality is not one with which everyone is comfortable. In that same stereotype, the male feeder is always always dominant, yet many women here have stated that they are the dominant ones and their feeder serves THEM. In one of my feeding situations, i was definitely the submissive one; my partner loved gaining and my role was to satisfy him by providing him with the feeding/gaining experience.


----------



## largenlovely (Jul 5, 2008)

oh i just saw this chimpi....

thank you so much  it's funny how you find that there are a lot of other folks with similar methods of thinking when you finally open up and start talking about things  And you're right...feederism isn't a prescribed method. It can be about anything two people want it to be about. I think it's awesome that your mom went about checking it out like that...i'm just sad that she only found negative stuff. Maybe you can point her in the direction of this post lol

*big Hugs*



Chimpi said:


> Melissa, I too have heard about the rape factor as a young person and then gaining weight in a direct, aggressive manner so as to become "fat, ugly, and unattractive." Where many of us know that being fat does not usually constitute being ugly or unattractive, it is readily viewable that many people see it that way. It is sad. But, I wanted you to know that I have heard of it as well, and that I am glad you have written about your personal experiences and have made it available to open eyes. Your honesty, candor, and expression are remarkable.
> 
> I also am glad that you posted this post (as many others have stated), especially for the Feeder perspective. I am not sure if I am a feeder or not; I have never participated in such activities, and I am not sure how I might feel about them in those situations. While I have been a member of this community, I have seem the contemporary view of Feederism, and feel that it is prejudged entirely too often. I feel that Feederism is not always about weight gain, is not always about immobility, is not always about pain & suffering (_garmonbozia_ for you *Twin Peaks* fans), and is reliant on the person or persons at hand. I feel that it (Feederism) is just an enjoyment of food in any number of ways ("foodie", "feedee", "feeder", etc...), and can be expressed in so many different fashions.
> I am glad to read that your experiences with Bruce have been nothing but positive and wonderful. I agree with your perception, and am very glad to see that it is possible to sway to that side of a relationship even when having been presented with negative reviews in the first place (of Feederism in general).
> ...


----------



## missy_blue_eyez (Aug 14, 2008)

Ok, so......

I found this thread after searching the words 'partner' and 'gaining' as just recently (yeh if you have seen some of my posts over time) I have had to deal with a partner (now an ex) constantly pushing me to gain for him.

I have to say, Melissa's first post rang so many bells for me and I could understand so much of the first half of her story. For so long now I have felt like 'Oh my god, I must be the only fat girl around who isnt willing to gain for anybody.' Hence me coming online today and searching for some guidance.

The person whom has sparked this is/was someone who was one of my first welcomers to the BBW/FA community and from getting to know them, I delved more into this new world. Around 18 months ago, me and thee started talking and over time developed a close relationship online. This further developed into phonecalls and text messages and after a good few months of talking we arranged to meet. 

From my side, we got on great. We were pretty firey, always bickering and arguing about silly stuff but (especially from my side) a whole lot of feelings developed. After a while, he would constantly refer to women such as yourself LnL about how great he thought you looked etc. I have to agree, there are so many supersized bbw's whom I think are absolutely beautiful, yourself, Shawna, Heather, Goddess Nicki etc. Stunning stunning ladies, but his utterance of your beautiful selves soon turned into little digs at myself about how he would find me more attractive if I gained to be of the same size. 

This is when things got sticky, and I started to pick up on his feederesque notions. It has taken me a terribley long time to become comfortable within the skin that I am now in. I weigh around 280lb's and have never been happier. I am confident, happy and love my body, but obviously it wasnt enough for him to like also. I told him many times of how happy I am as I am, but still he would push for me to gain, say little things about much bigger ladies about how attractive he thought they were and constantly be trying to strike up some deal/bargain with me about hitting certain weight goals for him like 'if you get up to a comfortable size 28(uk) then Ill do..blah blah blah'. But one of the other things that bothered me was I started to think that, 'well what happens when I do get to that size, and I still dont look how he wants me too, does his expectation rise again?'

I began to become terribley irritated by this and also really upset and started doubting myself. It felt like all these years I had been being told by normal guys that they only wanted me if I was thinner, and now, being in this community, I was only going to be wanted if I was bigger. Not only this, but over the time this was all happening in, regardless of the little taunts etc, I was really falling deep for this guy. 

I became torn, and thought that maybe I should just gain to make him happy, and thought about it many times. But then the drawback in my mind was that, this guy, was also a closet FA whom didnt want the rest of his family friends to know he liked big girls. So I kinda became stubborn "why should I gain for him, if he cant be honest about me?" I used to think. 

Inevitabley after months of this 'relationship' things came to a head when he kinda gave me the ultimatem 'Baby, I really really want you, but I need you to be bigger for me, do this for us?" Was what I was confronted with. I dug my heels in and refused. I did love him (I do still care about him) but his desire it seemed was not for me as person, but for me as some kind of project. 

I like yourself Melissa, I suppose have always been my own feeder. I dont purposely go out to gain weight, nor do I purposely go out of my way to lose it either. And this was one of the things which I constantly tried to explain to him. Im happy the way I am, but if I gain/lose a few, its no big deal. Im not gonna go crazy about it. I also said to him after our last confrontation, that he totally went about things in the worst possible way. If he had just left me to my own devices and I had become content, happy and felt supported within the relationship then me gaining I imagine would have just been a natural thing. Like is has been in the past with all my other boyfriends.

So, I kinda now feel bad for turning such a positive thread, negative with my story but I really needed somewhere to get this off my chest and see what other people think about what I have had to say. 

Am I bad for not being willing to gain for him? Should I have done it? Im really confused by all of this, and yes I suppose another bad example of a feeder/feedee thing gone wrong. I apologise now if there is anything in this post which offends/may offend anyone. It is un-intentional, honestly. Right now Im pretty confused and a bit mixed up about it all. I seem to have lost a massive amount of confidence from this, feeling like Im not good enough again now for FA's because Im not larger. Will it ever end? I know he is now an ex but it is something that hasnt yet settled in my mind. 

Thanks for any responses to this.

Missy_blue_eyez


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 14, 2008)

missy_blue_eyez said:


> Ok, so......
> 
> I found this thread after searching the words 'partner' and 'gaining' as just recently (yeh if you have seen some of my posts over time) I have had to deal with a partner (now an ex) constantly pushing me to gain for him.
> 
> ...



You shouldn't have to gain for anyone. You did the right thing by telling him no, I'm proud of you.


----------



## Tad (Aug 14, 2008)

MBE: You dun gud kid 

OK, more seriously and grammatically correct, I think you acted with a fine combination of wisdome, self-awareness, and patience. Everything you said about him being in the closet yet expecting you to gain was spot on, I think.

In other words, you chose to be yourself, not somebody's fantasy. NOTHING wrong with that at all.

I'm really sorry that you developed feelings for him, and that those feelings were let down in this way. That part sucks. But when you were developing those feelings, you didn't know where it was all going, so it was pretty natural.

You are an awesome, gorgeous, and I'm sure gorgeous-at-any-size, woman. Any guy who can't appreciate you just the way you are really doesn't deserve your time, IMO.

Regards;

-Ed


----------



## LillyBBBW (Aug 14, 2008)

missy_blue_eyez said:


> Ok, so......
> 
> I found this thread after searching the words 'partner' and 'gaining' as just recently (yeh if you have seen some of my posts over time) I have had to deal with a partner (now an ex) constantly pushing me to gain for him.
> 
> ...



(((((((missy_blue_eyez)))))))

I'm so sorry you're going through this hun. What a jam to fall hard for a guy who constantly makes you feel inadequate. And he's in the CLOSET???? He's got some nerve.  If he hasn't the balls to come out now what happens when you're 400 pounds? You did the right thing and got out in the nick of time. This guy didn't care enough about you to deserve any part of you let alone any extra. I know this doesn't make it feel any better but you've got so much going for you, so much to look forward to and you're a hot looker to boot! You've cleared the floor for something better.


----------



## activistfatgirl (Aug 14, 2008)

Missy, thanks for sharing this story. You did the right thing to dig in your heels. You should never change your body to delight a partner if you don't want to and especially if they aren't being a real _partner_. I've met you and you've got a slamming body as is, there are many who would find you ultimately attractive. And if you find yourself comfortable where you're at--more power to you!

For this guy: he needs to get his goddamn ass OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING CLOSET before he dates another woman. OUT OF THE CLOSET. That's the demand.

And, once he's out of the closet and being a grown up, there's many beautiful already supersize gals out there, plus a handful of girls who WANT to gain.
 
I feel like the Mayor. :bow:


----------



## Santaclear (Aug 14, 2008)

Missy, your're fine just how you are. It's not at all unreasonable of you to not want to be controlled.


----------



## missy_blue_eyez (Aug 14, 2008)

Thanks for the responses everyone. Reading my post back, I know alot of members may have read it and thought 'oh shes just out attention seeking blah blah blah.' But seriously Im not. It is something that has really troubled me over the last few months. As confident as I seem at times Im a sensitive soul and this problem was something I couldnt really talk about to my friends at home, they wouldnt understand it all. So I have been bottling it up.

I think one of the main things that made this worse for me was that, he was the first ever FA whom I ever met/dated was intimate with, just at a time when I was really begining to feel liberated about the person I was from stumbling across this community, all the stuff with him hit me.

I do in a strange way feel proud of myself for standing my ground and not letting him control me, or emotionally blackmail me, it is a stength of character I never realised I had. I think if he had met me a few years before hand, I think I would have quite easily caved in to his desires just to feel like I was wanted.

Its not him that Im trying to get over now to be honest, its the situation and the experience in which I went through. I have spoken to many FA's since joining this community and they make me feel so special, but I think I have that underlying doubt in the back of my mind that the same situation will arise. I know, I know, I have to just throw myself in and find out, and in time Im sure I will do.

My other concern is, other women, nieve, insecure bbw's, ssbbw's whom may become involved with him or a situation similar with someone else. Im not in anyway saying that every feeder goes out praying on poor fat girls, although I think I have kind of made it sound that way (honestly thats not the image im wanting to project). But I know, how easy it could be to fall for someone and end up going along with a partner's wants just so that they feel wanted by someone. 

Said guy, is a lurker on these boards, so no doubt he will have seen this. But whenever I tried to get my point across to him about how I felt about it all and my body he would always just seem to dismiss it, like it was something I was being stupid about. Getting worked up for no reason. 

Anyway, thats my story, any other responses, comments etc I would love to read. Also anyone who has been in the same situation or whom have gained for a partner/relationship? Just really interested.


----------



## olwen (Aug 14, 2008)

Missy, I sorry you had to go thru that. You shouldn't feel bad tho. Hell I would be pissed. He was being utterly selfish and not taking your feelings into consideration and it's so much worse because he's closeted. If he truly cared about you, respected you he would have left you alone about it and been proud to show the world you were his woman. It's wonderful that you like where you are in terms of your size. It's a long road for so many of us to get there. I'm there now and I wouldn't let anybody do anything to take that away from me. If you were to gain it would have to be your choice and nobody else's. I hate to say it, but consider that had you gained for him and been unhappy, he probably wouldn't have cared whether you were happy or not. I think you were right to get rid of him for your own self preservation. Never look back and try to get the jerk out of you mind and your life. There WILL be other better men out there for you.


----------



## marlowegarp (Aug 14, 2008)

That must be ridiculously frustrating! Can't really add too much to the previous comments, except to say that feederism is a potentially dangerous kink. Like most of them, I guess. Just believe me when I say that if it is shared in an affectionate respectful way it can be really nice so I'm sad when it gets brought down by people who are willing to get consumed by it. (No pun intended)

Plus, whatever! I've met you. You are totally gorgeous. 'Nuff said!


----------



## T_Devil (Aug 15, 2008)

Whatever happened to accepting people the way they are? Some asshole comes along and says "I need you to be bigger". Dude, Fuck off. That's like telling her to go on a frickin' diet and lose weight.

You know, I give feeders a lot of shit and some say that it's unwarranted. If it's something between two consenting adults, fine. But if it's just some douche bag pushing what he wants on his girlfriend/wife.... THOSE are the guys I have a problem with. They're like Bizzaro Richard Simmons. "Gain Weight For Me! Do it because you love me!"

_Rob a bank for me. Do it because you love me._

Again, I'm not digging on the lifestyle. Go, live it, have fun. But don't think you can emotionally twist somone into something they are uncomfortable with/being. Oh hell no. I'm sorry, that's behavior I cannot except, and I won't. There are some pretty bad people out there, and this is just another form of control for them. Before anyone considers doing this, they ought to really think about the reprecussions it could have in THEIR future.

It's not a fat suit. It doesn't have a zipper. It doesn't dissappear over night. If you are going to gain, you better be ready for it because this shit can really fuck with your body and your mind if you are NOT ready for it. If some guy is talking you into it, he better be some kind of magnificent person, because this is a mighty big request. If you do it, I hope you're ready for it, otherwise you're completely screwed.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Aug 15, 2008)

The guy's a selfish prick. It has nothing to do with him being a feeder, FA, man, republican, etc. Being a selfish prick is sort of equal opportunity. You can be straight edge plain vanilla man or woman and still be a selfish prick. Kick over a trash can anywhere and five selfish pricks will come crawling out so no matter who you are one has to be mindful. All the other chicks of the world have to watch out too. It's easy to be dazzled by the whole FA revelation and forget that they are all just men/women like everyone else and the rules used to screen out assholes still apply. I'm sorry you got a whopper your first time out Missy, but you passed the test! Yay! 

I don't mean to go on and on but I am seriously flabbergasted. I just can't get over it. He doesn't have it in him to stand up and represent himself with dignity yet he wants you to do all this stuff while he watches from behind the closet door. lol



missy_blue_eyez said:


> Thanks for the responses everyone. Reading my post back, I know alot of members may have read it and thought 'oh shes just out attention seeking blah blah blah.' But seriously Im not. It is something that has really troubled me over the last few months. As confident as I seem at times Im a sensitive soul and this problem was something I couldnt really talk about to my friends at home, they wouldnt understand it all. So I have been bottling it up.
> 
> I think one of the main things that made this worse for me was that, he was the first ever FA whom I ever met/dated was intimate with, just at a time when I was really begining to feel liberated about the person I was from stumbling across this community, all the stuff with him hit me.
> 
> ...


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 15, 2008)

T_Devil said:


> Whatever happened to accepting people the way they are? Some asshole comes along and says "I need you to be bigger". *Dude, Fuck off. That's like telling her to go on a frickin' diet and lose weight.*
> 
> You know, I give feeders a lot of shit and some say that it's unwarranted. If it's something between two consenting adults, fine. But if it's just some douche bag pushing what he wants on his girlfriend/wife.... THOSE are the guys I have a problem with. They're like Bizzaro Richard Simmons. "Gain Weight For Me! Do it because you love me!"
> 
> ...




Exactly how I see it..........GMTA :bow:


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 15, 2008)

Missy (not sure if you're comfortable with your real name being used or not, so I'm erring on the side of caution),

I only got to meet you briefly at Memorial Day, but thought you were totally sweet and absolutely adorable and fun. 

And now? I think you're a very strong woman as well.

The bottom line is not that that guy is in the closet, etc. The bottom line is that that was ABUSIVE behavior, and I am *really* proud of you for standing up for yourself and your body.

You're inspirational, and I hope you know that.


(Before I get piled on, NO, I am not saying asking someone to gain is abusive - I'm saying continuously telling someone they are inadequate/not good enough/not attractive enough is abusive. Been there, done that, kicked him to the curb faster than he could say "Well, if you could just lose a little weight..." )


----------



## Fuzzy Necromancer (Aug 17, 2008)

marlowegarp said:


> That must be ridiculously frustrating! Can't really add too much to the previous comments, except to say that feederism is a potentially dangerous kink. Like most of them, I guess.



Really? o.0

It takes a very long time to gain weight, and it's extremely difficult to do it to somebody against their will. Compared with stuff like bondage, sado-masochism, burning, electricity, and auto-erotic asphyxiation, I'd say it's one of the least-dangerous kinks there is.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Aug 17, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> Really? o.0
> 
> It takes a very long time to gain weight, and it's extremely difficult to do it to somebody against their will. Compared with stuff like bondage, sado-masochism, burning, electricity, and auto-erotic asphyxiation, I'd say it's one of the least-dangerous kinks there is.



Speak for yourself. Feederism _IS_ a potentially dangerous kink. Just because there's none posed to you and the feedee may have chosen to indulge doesn't make it otherwise.


----------



## missy_blue_eyez (Aug 17, 2008)

Hmmmmmm well I dont potentially think feederism as a fetish is dangerous. No fetish in itself is dangerous, I think it is more to do with the person/people who indulge in them. People and their actions are dangerous, not necessarily the situation. But anyway, this was a positive thread. Lets not turn it into another argument into whether or not feeders are scum of the earth. Its been done to death on these boards.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Aug 17, 2008)

missy_blue_eyez said:


> Hmmmmmm well I dont potentially think feederism as a fetish is dangerous. No fetish in itself is dangerous, I think it is more to do with the person/people who indulge in them. People and their actions are dangerous, not necessarily the situation. But anyway, this was a positive thread. Lets not turn it into another argument into whether or not feeders are scum of the earth. Its been done to death on these boards.



Sorry Missy! This wasn't necessarily a "Feeders are scum" post as opposed to "us feedees must be careful" post. As a feedee I have to think about these risks and I've been looking at them up close for years. It's frustrating to work so hard and have someone flip it off.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 17, 2008)

Alright, so, as some one who has indulged in feederism with like, every single girl I've ever been involved with .. I can tell you that of course there is a loving way to go about it. 

I am going to go out on a limb here though. 

I've interacted with many a feeder throughout the years and I can tell you straight up that they are mostly socially awkward idiots who well, I don't think have ever experienced being with a real live fat girl let alone one that allowed them to feed them.

I'm not saying I'm like, any better, I've probably just gotten lucky, but I'm just saying that I think the majority of them have NO IDEA how to treat a woman or even approach one in the first place.

Many men into feederism and actually FAs period have this mentality that fat women should be grateful to have them in the first place. Like, you can tell a girl that she is going to look better gaining weight and that you figure THIS GIRL WILL DO IT JUST BECAUSE I AM INTERESTED, SO SHE WILL BE THANKFUL (I typed that in all caps because idiots tend to raise their voices for no reason). 

When they realize that this is not the case, they become belligerent. They get pissed off when they realize they aren't this savior of teh fat women and get all pissy and begin to treat the woman like shit because it is HER fault that they suck.


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 17, 2008)

Missy you did a wonderful thing by standing your ground.

Well, I've never been involved with a feeder. Why? Because every time I've been approached by one it's always been "Don't you think you'd look good with more weight on?" .... "Well, I'm happy with who I am, can't you accept that?" ... "What about just 20 more lbs?" ... "Why? I think I'm fine the way I am." Yeah, so they quickly tend to butt off. While I want someone to love my inside, I want someone to love my outside. I think that yes, I'd feel they were using me as a project if what I heard all the time was "you'd look so hot with 10 more pounds!"

On a side note... I don't have a problem with feeders etc. I just don't want to be fed (okay- we'll say constantly.. I do believe that role play being fed now and then could be hot...but I'd rather be comfortable with the person and not just a drive by feeding session if that makes any sense.)


T_Devil... I have to spread some rep around... otherwise you'd be so repped.


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 17, 2008)

That1BigGirl said:


> Missy you did a wonderful thing by standing your ground.
> 
> Well, I've never been involved with a feeder. Why? Because every time I've been approached by one it's always been "Don't you think you'd look good with more weight on?" .... "Well, I'm happy with who I am, can't you accept that?" ... "What about just 20 more lbs?" ... "Why? I think I'm fine the way I am." Yeah, so they quickly tend to butt off. While I want someone to love my inside, I want someone to love my outside. I think that yes, I'd feel they were using me as a project if what I heard all the time was "you'd look so hot with 10 more pounds!"
> 
> ...



Not all of us are like that.

As for me, if you and I, or Missy and I were dating and you/her said "I'm happy the way I am" Then I wouldn't even bring up the subjected of feederism, gaining etc because I'd respect your wishes and hell..you look so good now anyway I'm not gonna complain.

However if you said you'd be interested in putting on a few, chances are u'd wake up tomorrow to a huge breakfast lol. 

I just go with the flow, if a girl wants to gain, I encourage. If she doesn't want to I don't bring it up, but that's just me.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Aug 17, 2008)

Also for most feeders the excitement is about the _process_ of the person gaining, it's not about wanting to change them. That is why it's called "feeding" rather than "just wanting a bigger partner." 

The key thing here is that the would-be feeder can easily find a larger partner. It is not about liking you but wanting a bigger you, it's about wanting you to indulge in the process of gaining/being fed. It's hotter to have somebody gain five pounds than for them to just *be* five pounds heavier.

Notice how many of the paysites include comparison shots, the whole draw there is "I used to fit into this sweater and now I don't" or "I used to be able to do *something* and now I can't." Again, it's the process of the person having _actively gained weight_ that is a turnon rather than "oh she's bigger now and therefore more attractive than 100 pounds earlier."


----------



## missy_blue_eyez (Aug 17, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Also for most feeders the excitement is about the _process_ of the person gaining, it's not about wanting to change them. That is why it's called "feeding" rather than "just wanting a bigger partner."
> 
> The key thing here is that the would-be feeder can easily find a larger partner. It is not about liking you but wanting a bigger you, it's about wanting you to indulge in the process of gaining/being fed. It's hotter to have somebody gain five pounds than for them to just *be* five pounds heavier.
> 
> Notice how many of the paysites include comparison shots, the whole draw there is "I used to fit into this sweater and now I don't" or "I used to be able to do *something* and now I can't." Again, it's the process of the person having _actively gained weight_ that is a turnon rather than "oh she's bigger now and therefore more attractive than 100 pounds earlier."


Oh yeh, I totally get that LoveBHM's, I understand alot of the sexual arousal behind it all. But for me it was the fact that I had said no, but he persisted in pushing the situation to a point where I was really begining to doubt myself, and my confidence. That was all....it is obvious that we arent right for each other. He needs someone who is willing to take part in that act with him and as someone said earlier I want someone who loves the outside and the inside exactly how it is.


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 17, 2008)

missy_blue_eyez said:


> I want someone who loves the outside and the inside exactly how it is.



Both are incredibly beautiful ;-)


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 18, 2008)

And I really didn't mean to imply that ALL feeders were like that.  Just that the ones I've had contact with have implied that they want to feed me so I plump up, like I'm not good enough how I am. 

I don't find feederism gross or anything like that, it's a whatever floats your boat thing for me. Being fed on a regular basis in an erotic or ... just to know that it's for me to gain type of way... is not for me. It doesn't make it wrong or bad (*in general*) it just is something that others enjoy that I don't. It's not like "heyyy lets go murder people because we like each other and want to strengthen our love"... that is wrong and slightly disturbing.

I could however become a feeder if someone so desired. But like you said, they'd have to say "hey I think I want gain some weight" before I would ever think about it. Yes, I'd be sure to tell the person I like/love them the way they are, but if THEY want to do it, then I'd at least give it a shot. You never know, it could be a ton of fun!



KHayes666 said:


> Not all of us are like that.
> 
> As for me, if you and I, or Missy and I were dating and you/her said "I'm happy the way I am" Then I wouldn't even bring up the subjected of feederism, gaining etc because I'd respect your wishes and hell..you look so good now anyway I'm not gonna complain.
> 
> ...


----------



## sully57 (Aug 20, 2008)

You know that a certain other 'lurker' (I hate that word) on here really likes you the way you are. Inside and out! 





missy_blue_eyez said:


> Thanks for the responses everyone. Reading my post back, I know alot of members may have read it and thought 'oh shes just out attention seeking blah blah blah.' But seriously Im not. It is something that has really troubled me over the last few months. As confident as I seem at times Im a sensitive soul and this problem was something I couldnt really talk about to my friends at home, they wouldnt understand it all. So I have been bottling it up.
> 
> I think one of the main things that made this worse for me was that, he was the first ever FA whom I ever met/dated was intimate with, just at a time when I was really begining to feel liberated about the person I was from stumbling across this community, all the stuff with him hit me.
> 
> ...


----------

