# Well written feeder/feedee/gainer ?



## Emma (Mar 6, 2006)

I'm on a bbw site for dating and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. The women on there are SO convinced that all feeders are about control and all feedees/gainers are just people who are so desperate for a man that they'll do anything. 

So I'm looking for people to help me explain that it's not all about that.

So if you want to help you can either sign up to www.sizewize.com free and go to the forum (it's in the ask eli section) or you can post things here that i'll copy and paste over. I'll post what's been said so far.


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## Emma (Mar 6, 2006)

first post: Feeders/ Feedies

Now this subject is one of them that i think all men and women should be made aware of.

I first came across this many years ago when I first started to use the internet.

Now Im not sure how many of you have ever put in a search or even watched any programs on this subject, but as it concerns big people I think its a subject that we should all be made aware of. These are my own personal views and should be taken as such

Ok well I was approached like I said many years ago by this man who I was chatting to on the internet. I just happen to mention that I was not happy with my size and had been losing weight gradually of the past few weeks. He then came back and said Oh you dont need to lose weight, you are beautiful as you are and I would love to meet you and treat you like a princess, anything you want will be yours. Now as luck had it he told me to go and write in Google feeder and have a look.

I was horrified at what I saw and read. Now I know we are all adults and we all have our own views on all subjects, but as I sat and read the stories and looked at the pictures of these (in my view poor men and women) I felt physical ashamed of us as a human race.

We all know how being fat makes us so vulnerable the need to be wanted and loved is and can be so intense, that all our common sense goes out the window. Because this man this woman has given me the attention that I deserve, and hey someone loves me i'm big and this person is treating me like i've always wanted to be treated.

You see from what I have learned and read on this subject, that is exactly how they want you feel. These men and women are not Fat admires; they call themselves this because it is a term we have learned to use. To big people it has become a safe word the genuine fat admires love you for you, they do not want to change you in any way, shape or form. They do not want to isolate you from family and friends. They want an equal relationship not one of total control.

You dont need to go down this avenue to get the love and support you need, So please we all get lonely we have all felt that we will never find anyone to love us for us, this is not true. So please if you are approached in any way, or if your with someone who is killing you with kindness, because their thing is they love to be a feeder this is not love this will kill you in the end. Type into a search engine the term feeder, I would love you hear your views on this subject. I feel that all big people should be made aware of this. I have also included a link to a doctor feeder site; again I would love to hear your views on this.

If you have time go and read, and then sit back and think that this is happening to people as we speak and ask your self really how vulnerable am I to this, if the man women of my dreams was doing this to me could I walk away because he /she loves me...The answer is yes dont just walk, but run like hell whilst you can, you are a beautiful person who deserves true love, not a false one sided one.

http://www.geocities.com/DoctorFeeder/index.html

Elidia xxx


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## Emma (Mar 6, 2006)

2nd 
I totally agree with you on this Eli. Ive seen a few TV documentries on feeders and what I saw made me feel sick. We all know that being large, we aren't healthy anyway. But to have a person, a feeder, carry on piling on the weight for us as a show of love is truely criminal! Feeders give true FAs a bad nameand should be avoided by all.

3rd Hi Night

you know i couldnt agree with you more hon, Im one of those annoying people that very laid back, tend to have the attitude well if it makes them happy then go for it. But yes, this scene even crossed the line with me. especially when i realised the long standing pyschological effect that these feeders essentially give to the feedee's.

Its incredibly sad and in my mind it should be illegal, as its no better than domestic abuse. Lets hope that someday it will fizzle out..

I realise this is a strong posting, but for those that know me, know i only get so strong in my wording when i feel passionate about something in particular.


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## Emma (Mar 6, 2006)

4th Hi i wrote this post because i was shocked at how many big people were totaly now aware of this very controlling situation...So hope fully just by me making this posting..It will make people think...Thanks for you comments wolf.. Very Happy


5th ME! lol
I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you here. I have dated two feeders and what you have discribed is not what they want. Granted some do, but you're talking about extremes here.
They do admire fat, and because they love big thighs, big bellies ect. they imagine how they would be if they were bigger. A lot just think about it in fantacy. Some meet with people who are concenting (no not because they're desperate for love or what not, some of these women actually do want to gain weight) and these people gain weight. Sometimes it's just small amounts. Most feeders don't actually want their girlfriends/wives to come to any harm and take care so that it's all done carefully and if their girl starts having problems they look for ways to rectify the situation.

A lot of women want to gain weight. These women actually activly seek out feeders to help them grow, care for them and whatnot. They don't just want to gain weight because a guy they love wants them to.

I think all feeders get a bad rap because of a few bad apples.


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## Emma (Mar 6, 2006)

6th My freinds husband is a feeder...every time she she goes on a diet or losses a bit of wieght he is there with the choc bars, take aways and all the rest she has come to my house in tears she knows what he is doing but loves him to much to leave him or stop him, so is now making herself sick behind his back...All very very wrong and I have told her and she knows. But she won't get help and you can't talk to him cause he doesn't like being told anything. I love her as a friend and will always be there for her but you can't help someone who won't help themself.

7th That is so sad Angel...All i can say hun is be there for her..maybe the next time she comes around try and get some info for her off the net...But like u said if she hasnet got the will her self to do anything then their is nothing you can do....at this time..


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## Emma (Mar 6, 2006)

7th Hi there Em

Thanks for your reply hon. I just thought that I would reply to this one as what you say is certainly very interesting.

I agree that we dont always hear both sides of the story, and the media can indeed make the whole situation appear a lot worst than it perhaps is. Although I have to say that there is a distinct difference between imagining what someone would be like bigger and actually having a hand in making them bigger.

Im one of those annoying people that have the attitude of whatever makes ya happy go for it. Everyone is different and we all have different ideals of whats right and wrong, what it takes to make us happy etc etc etc.

I think like Nightwolf said that there is a difference between Fat Admirers and Feeders, Some women of course want to gain weight, but I have to ask myself, why do they want to gain weight? Being a slightly big person in this society has its own issues and comes with its own traumas, why would someone actively look for someone to help make them so obese that it can eventually kill them, and if it doesnt do that leave them heavily disabled? To me that doesnt make sense.

Of course in addition to this there is emotional issues, the whys, and the hows and so on.

I agree that not all feeders may have the controlling factor, and it may of course be the other way around and the feedee that have the controlling influence over the relationship. Although I have to say, and I hope Im not wrong, but is that a relationship? How can a relationship be based on food? And how big you can make someone? To me, thats more than slightly dysfunctional, regardless of who did what to who, and who has the control, or even why they do it.

Dunno what you think, very interesting subject though


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## Emma (Mar 6, 2006)

8th Agree with you Jen it is about control and the need to control their possessions and I used the word possessions because unfortunately that is how most feeders tend to feel towards the person they are feeding. Feeders tend to have a lack of self-esteem. I am at present doing a counselling degree at Uni and part of the course I choice to do psychology as an extra. I must say that after doing this part of the course it gave me much more of an insight to why people behave in a certain way. Whether that is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain or purely from the way they have been bought up. But wont go into the Nature verves Nurture debate far to long, However at the end of the day it is up to each individual how they deal with the person feeding them. As said before I will always be there for my friend and a part of me want to pull her out of this very destructive and detrimental relationship. But all I can do is sit back as she will never leave this man. She thinks this is him showing her that he loves her also she is in part afraid of her inability to cope without him in her life. It is the same for women who stay with men that beat them or visa versa, dont wish to appear sexists.
Oh sorry standing on my box now.I just think its a shame that any person who thinks that without a partner to tell them what to wear, eat, drink or simply do normal everyday things in life they could not function.
Unfortunately there are many men and women out there that believe this. My heart goes out to them. I would just like to say, Been there got the t-shirt and come out the other side.and its wonderful.. from an ex- battered wife


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## Emma (Mar 6, 2006)

9th ME AGAIN!
Well to answer one question. A reason people want to gain weight, is well... it turns them on. I realise not everyone who is turned on by their own weight gain will gain for their own sexual gratification. Some will just think about it to get their rocks off lol

As for maybe the woman controlling the relationship. Yes, that can happen. But from feeder/feedee couples that I know. Most of them are just like any other normal relationship apart from the guy gets off on the woman eating, and the woman gets off on eating/weight gain. I'm sure people do take this to extremes but in most of them the women probably only gain a couple of pounds a year. Their relationship isn't unlike any other relationship. The only difference is they enjoy different things to the norm in the bedroom.

Yes FA's and Feeders are different. But then again there are lots of different types of FA. Some just like a bigger woman because they think they look better and have nicer personalities. Some enjoy things like rolls, cellulite and strechmarks. Some enjoy watching a woman struggle to walk around coz of their size and some love a fit bbw. Some just like big boobs, bums and smaller bbws, some like em fat, some like them obese, some like them morbidly obese. The difference between a feeder and FA? While FA's won't mind if the girl they're with gains weight, feeders will find it sexually exciting.

There's also female feeders. Ones who want to fatten up a man. Wink and we all know how much men like eating.

Like has been said there CAN be a control eliment there. But I would actually say that that is probably more dom/sub stuff than fat admiration. Feeders adore fat.

As with all sexual things there will be extremes. There ARE men that want to fatten women up to immobility and there are women that want to be immobile. But that is a very small minority.

How do I know all this? Well I'll leave that up to your imagination.


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## Emma (Mar 6, 2006)

10th also me again

Quote:
"Agree with you Jen it is about control and the need to control their possessions and I used the word possessions because unfortunately that is how most feeders tend to feel towards the person they are feeding. Feeders tend to have a lack of self-esteem."


I'm sorry but I'm going to have to disagree with you there. How many feeders do you actually know? Where do you come to the conclusion that they have a lack of self-esteem? It's NOT about control. It's about fat.

Questionl: If a girl and a guy come together and he wants her to gain 100lbs and she wants to gain 100lbs is that about control?



sorry the smilies from that board come up as words here weird.


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## deepfried (Mar 6, 2006)

Very interesting!

It's true that there are a number of feeders who make the feedee/feeder relationship look abusive and derogatory, though this is of course true of any lifestyle, not just "alternative" ones. 

I'm sure films like Feed don't really help the media viewpoint, and It's expected that the media will never attempt to understand why we as feedee's, feeder's, FA's, FFA's and admirers in general feel the way we do. It's just something which might well get worse as more films, documentaries etc. misrepresent our views or pick on extreme examples. Hopefully attitudes will change over time as more people realise their desires (and i'm sure there's many feedee's and feeder's who don't know it yet), you never know... it might hit the mainstream and before you know it we'll have columns in the tabloids suggesting ways to gain =D */stops dreaming*

As an aside, does anyone know of a documentary or show which showed feedee/feeder relationships in a good light?


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## Augustcandy (Mar 6, 2006)

Although I don't agree with all the stuff they are Posting Curvyem I do undrestand when they talk about power. Because gaining weight, ALOT of weight doesn't enhance the body (interms of muscle mass, heart, Lungs, Blood pressure) but in fact makes the Gainer less powerful....(in the way of physical activity) it may be for some people a big power trip. The Gainer can become i suppose with alot of weight gain, more and more dependent on the Feeder. Thus creating an imbalance of power between the two.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Mar 6, 2006)

You know though, I've NEVER seen a feeder or feedee attempt to clarify how the relationship really works. Where they've messed up and where the BDSM crowd has succeeded: No one in the feeder/feedee community has ever been bold enough to say that it's just fantasy, that both feeder and feedee have a vanilla life with friends and family. Most feedees work, have a family, and are not immobile, and I doubt most feeders do more than fantasize about having an immobile lover. When you don't responsibly clarify the line between fantasy and reality, how do you expect people to react?


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## Moonchild (Mar 6, 2006)

I do not feel qualified to reply directly there, but I'll spill my thoughts here if that will help.

I have been involved in some way or another with fat admiration for nearly six years now, since I was twelve, and all the while I have questioned the morality of my preferences. What everything comes down to is, for me, that the mental and emotional connection with a woman dwarves the importance of the physical - just the way it should be, feeder or not.

I've been told in the past that I am a special case, but I don't believe so. Feeders represent a very small fraction of men, and therefore the number of perverted disgusting feeders should be proportional to men in general. Such are many in numbers, but it can certainly not be generalized that all men are disgusting.

We do not choose to have this preference. Many of us would give a limb to have this curse removed. To know that what we're driven for would potentially hurt the one we love? Such a conflict is a terrible burden to carry. Many avoid the issue by refusing to acknowledge the health issues associated with fat. Others, with whom I identify myself, are proponants of heavily monitored vital stats, a (while abundant) healthy diet, and exercise along with gaining.

I find that most rational feeders tend to be very shy, perhaps for the reasons listed above, perhaps because they've been told that they are disgusting and wrong their whole lives, perhaps for some other reason. I have terrible difficulty approaching women, even without fattening intent. Unless you pay close attention, it's difficult to find feeders who aren't sick and perverted because we tend to either stick to the shadows or keep our desires too supressed for you to pick us out.

There ARE sick people out there who want to fatten the unwilling, who encourage those who are trying to lose weight to put it back on, and I've even seen people considering their options concerning "secretly" adding fattening ingredients to a partner's diet (though I've never heard any success stories of such, fortunately). People like this, for obvious reasons, can take the spotlight away from rational feeders. One would be well advised to avoid such creatures, but unfortunately this is difficult because there are always those who come out to seek you.




That was rambling and slightly incoherent, but it's what I've got.


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## Zoom (Mar 6, 2006)

Nobody should lump all the feeders and feedees in one category and pronounce it wrong. People are different and have different methodologies, ideas, and such.

If we do not have anarchy and surrealism, we have unfair categorization.


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## TallEnglishman (Mar 7, 2006)

Happy to pitch in with my two cents.

I agree broadly with the points CurvyEm has made (and hi to all the other UK feeder/feedee/gainers btw!). I can understand the knee-jerk revulsion many have to even the idea of feederism. It does fall outside the box of "normal" behaviour (although I'd love someone to define normal when it comes to the sex lives of human beings), but what it most definitely is NOT is a control issue, certainly not for me.

I started as a gainer - hadn't even heard the term feedee before I read DIMENSIONS. It was secretive and thrilling. It stemmed from a desire - as a basically tall slim guy - to feel weight on me - flab, flesh, all the glories of abundance. I knew it was kinky, and that too was part of its attraction. (If everyone was gaining there'd be less appeal, I suspect.)

I've been a feeder (briefly) and it was always consensual. I need to emphasise that. I see no appeal at all in force-feeding or hurting/harming another person. It's anyway the most grotesque lie, and desertion of personal responsibility, for a feedee to argue that he/she has no control over how their partner treats them, or how fat they get. Every time someone shouts "I am a poor victim here" or "I blame the media/society for what I've become/how I behave" I want to scream.

Feederism is, or rather can be, the most erotic glorious _sensual_ exploration of the capabilities of the body. If it isn't exciting/erotic to you, don't do it. But either way, don't caricature feedees and feeders as perverted control freaks. That's just ignorance. 

 

:eat1: :eat1: :eat1: :eat2: :eat2: :eat2:


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## Emma (Mar 7, 2006)

So who that has already posted is ok with me copying their posts over there?


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## TallEnglishman (Mar 7, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> So who that has already posted is ok with me copying their posts over there?




Very happy to be quoted, CurvyEm. And hope you'll post any responses here too. Or the link.

This is a good thread.

:eat1: :eat1: :eat2: :eat2: :eat2:


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## Emma (Mar 7, 2006)

it's at www.sizewize.com but you have to sign up to view.


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## TallEnglishman (Mar 7, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> ...you have to sign up to view.



Too much exercise.

 

:eat1: :eat1: :eat1: :eat2: :eat2: :eat2:


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 7, 2006)

Ok, feel free to copy and paste this as well.

I feel for the most part, there is a lot of misunderstanding and mystery around the whole feeder/feedee situation. I have considered myself for a few years at least a feeder. Before a few years ago I didn't know there was a term for it really. I always found myself wanting to encourage the guys I was dating to grow. I'd do little things, like always make their favorite dishes and desserts, order too much when we'd go out to eat and then coerce them to finish it for me, things like that. 

There has never been malicious intent behind it. What there was, however, was some kind of erotic connection. It was the combination of sensations. There is a sensualness that is connected to the whole concept of feeding. It is combining more senses and causing yet another level of connection. At least that's what it is for me. I have always brought food into the bedroom and part of foreplay has involved feeding.

Recently I have realized that besides just enjoying feeding the men I'm with, it also is another level of enjoyment to be fed as well. The result of all this is weight gain, however, I have no desire for immobility for myself or for my partner. 

The changes in the body are also what I find enjoyable. Again, speaking for myself it's all about texture. The increase in softness, the skin changes with the addition of stretchmarks. The physical changes are also very enticing. 

I do admit that there are times I have fantasies about the extremes...however they are just that fantasy, doing harm to anyone is not a turn on to me. I also think that for many this is true as well.


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## Happy FA (Mar 7, 2006)

May I suggest you read the annexed blog post which discusses the Feeder issue in some depth. I think its a pretty fair minded look at the spectrum of activities which come under the umbrella term feeder.

http://hugehugefan.blogspot.com/2006/02/feeder.html

there are also discussions of related subjects in other posts in the blog.


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## zonker (Mar 7, 2006)

BLUEeyedBanshee said:


> Ok, feel free to copy and paste this as well.
> 
> I feel for the most part, there is a lot of misunderstanding and mystery around the whole feeder/feedee situation. I have considered myself for a few years at least a feeder. Before a few years ago I didn't know there was a term for it really. I always found myself wanting to encourage the guys I was dating to grow. I'd do little things, like always make their favorite dishes and desserts, order too much when we'd go out to eat and then coerce them to finish it for me, things like that.
> 
> ...



Wow, great explanation of what it's really like for many of us feeders/feedees. Again, as someone said we can't all be put together in one group and explained away by some simplistic definition. You have a gift of clarity. Thanks for writing this so well....


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## Moonchild (Mar 7, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> So who that has already posted is ok with me copying their posts over there?



You can do whatever you want with what I said.


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## TallEnglishman (Mar 7, 2006)

Happy FA said:


> May I suggest you read the annexed blog post which discusses the Feeder issue in some depth. I think its a pretty fair minded look at the spectrum of activities which come under the umbrella term feeder.
> 
> http://hugehugefan.blogspot.com/2006/02/feeder.html
> 
> there are also discussions of related subjects in other posts in the blog.



I read a couple of the posts on your blog and - sorry - you come over to me as genuinely creepy. A strange, almost forensic, "analysis" of why fat women turn you on, which you then pretend is unemotional and merely some kind of scientific overview. 

Why is your profile at DIMENSIONS incomplete? Dare I ask, what are you hiding from?

Anyone else here read it? It'd be interesting to hear other comments.

:eat1: :eat1: :eat1: :eat2: :eat2: :eat2:


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