# Single and/or childless in your 30s



## WVMountainrear (Dec 13, 2011)

So since these new sub-forums opened up, I thought I'd try it out with a new thread.

I'm 33, and I've never been married. I was engaged once when I was young and stupid, but, in hindsight, it wasn't even a relationship I'd call "serious" (although to an 18 year old who'd just lost her virginity to this man, it was the be all and end all). I was very career-focused, and, while I certainly dated, I can't say there were a lot of men who I was anxious to bring home to my parents (so I didn't). This, of course, has lead to many questions from "concerned" family members (not my parents, incidentally-- more aunts and uncles and cousins) ranging from "what's wrong with you?" to "are you gay?". 

Most of my cousins married young (and consequently divorced young but no one ever talks about that) and commenced to birthing babies, which leads me to the next point:

I'm 33, and I don't have any children. This also sometimes surprises people. I like to think it's because I'm so kind and maternal and not because I'm fat so people automatically assume there's a "legitimate" reason therefor.  I've always wanted children (just like I've always wanted to get married), but I've never been in the position to be able to focus on this goal seriously. I'm one of those traditional folks who'd prefer to get married first and then have babies. (Not that there's anything wrong with doing it other ways...my sister is a single parent who's never been married, and my niece is my pride and joy.) Besides simply not meeting someone I've gotten to the point of marriage and children with, I have other reasons for not presently jumping on the baby bandwagon: I'm still selfish with my time, I like sleeping in, they're expensive...and it's so easy NOT to get pregnant these days if you're taking the proper precautions.

The older I've gotten and the more fucked up my cousins' relationships, marriages, families, and situations have proven, the less my family has focused on such things. I think through getting to know me as an adult, they've come to accept I have a good head on my shoulders and want to make healthy, positive decisions for myself rather than rushing into commitments because it's what's expected of me either by them or by society.

So, anyway, I've waited to get married, and I've waited to have children. Do any of you other single and/or childless 30-somethings out there feel the scrutiny of others for either not being married or not having any children or both?


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## AmyJo1976 (Dec 13, 2011)

I used to get hassled by my mother to give her grandchildren. She doesn't say much about it these days though. I wanted kids when I was younger, but now not so much. I've kind of been in the same boat, bad marriages that my friends have been in and disappointing relationships for me. It's not that I don't want to be married someday, just that I have haven't met the one that I can have my amazing with.


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## WVMountainrear (Dec 13, 2011)

AmyJo1976 said:


> I used to get hassled by my mother to give her grandchildren. She doesn't say much about it these days though. I wanted kids when I was younger, but now not so much. I've kind of been in the same boat, bad marriages that my friends have been in and disappointing relationships for me. It's not that I don't want to be married someday, just that I have haven't met the one that I can have my amazing with.



Exactly. For me, it's always been about finding someone who's actually right for me. 

(I am exceedingly optimistic with my current boyfriend, though. :happy


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## penguin (Dec 13, 2011)

I do have a 4.5 year old daughter, but I've never been married. Engaged once, a long time back. I'm lucky, I guess, in that my family doesn't ask when I'll find someone. Either they respect me enough to not pester me, or they think I'm a lost cause, I'm not sure. I've said that I'm happy single and that I'd rather be single than in a relationship just to be in one, so I'm hoping they've picked up on that. I haven't met anyone around here I'd want to date, let alone be in a serious relationship with, so it's not something worth pressuring me about.

Though being the only unwed child (I have two brothers and a sister) does get to me a bit at times, I have to admit. I'm just glad I wasn't the last to have a baby, though I only beat my younger brother and his wife by 3 weeks.


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## WVMountainrear (Dec 13, 2011)

penguin said:


> I do have a 4.5 year old daughter, but I've never been married. Engaged once, a long time back. I'm lucky, I guess, in that my family doesn't ask when I'll find someone. Either they respect me enough to not pester me, or they think I'm a lost cause, I'm not sure. I've said that I'm happy single and that I'd rather be single than in a relationship just to be in one, so I'm hoping they've picked up on that. I haven't met anyone around here I'd want to date, let alone be in a serious relationship with, so it's not something worth pressuring me about.
> 
> Though being the only unwed child (I have two brothers and a sister) does get to me a bit at times, I have to admit. I'm just glad I wasn't the last to have a baby, though I only beat my younger brother and his wife by 3 weeks.



I am literally the only childless person among my sister and all of my first cousins- both sides of the family. I like it more than I hate it most of the time. 

I do miss my friends in that they always seem to have to get home no matter what time it is (to relieve the babysitter or for their significant other). That part of it is no fun...but we're sort of tame in our gatherings anyway in that we're more in the meet at someone's house, have some good food and drinks, and play games stage than the olden days of going out and getting rowdy. So we can still squeeze in a little post-bedtime wine and board games on occasion.


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## LeoGibson (Dec 13, 2011)

37 and not single, but no children. I come from a family that I sometimes think can procreate from looking alone, no touch required. I did feel mild pressure to give my folks a grandkid, but it was usually in good humor as they had so many another would have made little difference. They have both since passed through this veil of tears, so that isn't even a minor issue any longer. As far as pressure from anybody else, there is no one else whose opinion would matter to me left on this earth so I reckon if you don't like what I'm doing you can go piss up a rope. I can't be bothered with some damned old busybody's opinions.

I do admit that I did want children, but the older I get without having them I kinda don't want to now. I like my life and the way I can be selfish at will with my time and resources. I can come and go as I please, plus as my friends kids get old enough to care for themselves now and more are back joining us on evenings out, I'd hate to now have to be the one scrambling for sitters and the like. Those are my thoughts on the matter thus far.


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## indy500tchr (Dec 13, 2011)

I am 34 and dying to get married and have kids. It frustrates me each and every day that I can't find somebody who wants to be with me for the rest of our lives. 

There aren't many guys my age these days who 1. don't already have children (I don't want to deal with baby-mama drama). 2. want a serious relationship. 3. those that are single don't have the job security to be able to raise a family in the near future.


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## Mayla (Dec 13, 2011)

Well, I can definitely sympathize; I've been close, but never married. No kids and single and...I'm in my early 40's. Do I feel unfullfilled? Not really. I have great friends and I think that fills my heart. Would I like to be married someday? Well, sure...if he's the right one. But I think once you get to a certain age there's a new freedom in being single, and it can be kind of fun.


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## mimosa (Dec 13, 2011)

To be with someone for a long time like I was, ( 17 years).....damn it is hard work. Especially if you have a sick child like I did. I got gray hair when I was 27. Btw, he would tell me he would not have sex with me unless I washed the dishes. But no matter how clean the house was...we never had sex. I rather be alone with my vibrator. 

So if you do decide to get married....make sure it's to someone you have things in common with ,is your best friend and truly is the right person for you. 

So in a nutshell, marriage can be a good thing, if you marry the right person for the right reasons. Other than that....your marriage will be hell on earth. 

Marriage and children is not for everyone. Like everything in life...its hard work!

The good news out of my marriage was he made me laugh, he gave me a beautiful son and he didn't abandon me when he started seeing someone else. God bless him.


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## TexasTrouble (Dec 13, 2011)

I'm 33 and never married, no kids. I'd like to have both of these, and I'm trying to make my personal life more of a focus instead of just work like I have in the past. Maybe now's a good time to be open for those things, who knows?

I can definitely relate about being the only unmarried/childless person in your family, though. Several of my nieces and nephews have gotten married recently, and it's been a funny dynamic. I'm also from a very rural place and most people have their children before they're in their mid-20s. I bet if I did have a child, people back home would say it was a "miracle" birth (okay, since I'm currently single, if I did have a baby, it would, literally, be a miracle birth, so I guess they'd have me there).


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## ScreamingChicken (Dec 13, 2011)

I'll cosign with what mimosa said. My divorce will be finalized next month (over 16 years of marriage) and marriage is indeed work. It's not something that can function with just a little lip service here and there. She was a good person, the girl I married (we we're both 21 at the time and just kids). Time changed us and put us on very different paths. I truly believe we both just withdrew at one point from each other and any efforts we made were too little, too late.

Now if I knew 17 years ago what I know now, would I do it again? In a heartbeat, not being married to here means no Wesley and Katie, my heart & soul and the greatest loves of my life. I just can't imagine me without them. They have shaped me in ways I can't even describe. Being a parent is hard work, too, but it is oh so rewarding. But it is not for everyone. I'd respect someone who has the ability to say that they aren't parent material more than the individual who just brings child after child in to this world and treats them as pets.


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## mimosa (Dec 14, 2011)

Decide to be happy where ever you are in life. With or without marriage or children. I agree with ScreamingChicken, For some of you..its okay to admit that you are not the parent type. 

Also, do not let anyone decide what is "normal" and good for you. Be happy with the life you have. Lets all make it the happiest with whatever we have or do not have. Life is beautiful!


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## snuggletiger (Dec 14, 2011)

Too busy with my hobbies to think about a spouse or kids. Life is too short to worry about what society dictates a person should or shouldn't be.


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## Surlysomething (Dec 14, 2011)

Well, i'm not in my 30's anymore but even then I was pretty sure I wouldn't be having kids. I thought I wanted them forever because I love babies and i'm quite maternal but I honestly didn't not want to be a single mother. I think it's hard when there are two parents, I didn't want to go it alone. There are also sooo many people in the world as there is. Do I really need to add another one? Haha. 

I'm a good Aunt! I love my nephew with all my heart and feel the same way about my best friend's 3 teenage kids that i've known since birth.


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## Diana_Prince245 (Dec 14, 2011)

While I might someday have a child, the chances of me getting married are slim to none. I'm pretty firmly in the marriage is death camp. Plus my sister's marriage sucks ass, and with my luck I'd wind up in the same type of thing.


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## activistfatgirl (Dec 14, 2011)

I'm 32 here and being a partner and being in a stable place emotionally and financially to be able to nurture other humans (if not my own children) has suddenly become important to me. I didn't bat an eye when all my high school and college friends got married in their 20s and started having babies. I wanted to work in the movement, I wanted to travel, and I wanted to kick of years of celibacy via evangelicalism and via body hatred with lots of dating. But that was then, this is now. It feels SO cliche, but I feel like I turned 30 and BAM! that desire was there.

I've not experienced pressure to get married/have kids, but I have felt pity. There's this general sense of oh-no-youre-an-adult-without-a-partner eyebrow cocking that I'm starting to sense. The problem is, I sometimes agree and feel real bad about it. Still processing all of this, happy to have some other folks doing the same.

<3


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## WVMountainrear (Dec 14, 2011)

I just wanted to point out that I didn't say that I was sorry that I've waited or that I'm sad that I have. In fact, I said quite the opposite.

The fact that people have now rushed into the thread with the "there, there...things will be ok...you should be happy" spiel actually makes me giggle and illustrates my point in how people automatically assume that if you do wait, you must be miserable or you must be meant to not have those things..."and that's ok." Chances are, if you're in the 30s thread and you haven't gotten married or had children by this point, you've already exercised your ability not to rush into a serious committment for the wrong reasons. Why settle now- after waiting all of this time for the right person and the right reasons?

I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the insight of anyone who's posted-- I do greatly, and it's wise to learn from the mistakes of others or to take the lessons that others are kind enough to share with you. But this also isn't the 18+ area.

I just wanted to know what pressures- internal and external- we "older" folks have felt to do those things, if any. And I've been pleased with the contributions and discussions this has sparked.


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## WVMountainrear (Dec 14, 2011)

LeoGibson said:


> I like my life and the way I can be selfish at will with my time and resources. I can come and go as I please, plus as my friends kids get old enough to care for themselves now and more are back joining us on evenings out, I'd hate to now have to be the one scrambling for sitters and the like. Those are my thoughts on the matter thus far.



I never thought about just waiting my friends out!  All of mine are still in the sitter phase. I agree completely with the coming and going as you please...definite perk.



Mayla said:


> Well, I can definitely sympathize; I've been close, but never married. No kids and single and...I'm in my early 40's. Do I feel unfullfilled? Not really. I have great friends and I think that fills my heart. Would I like to be married someday? Well, sure...if he's the right one. But I think once you get to a certain age there's a new freedom in being single, and it can be kind of fun.



I don't feel unfullfilled either. I definitely would like to get married and have children, but I think if I don't, I wouldn't feel like any less of a person for it. I also admit that I've had the most fun being single as I've gotten older and have come more into myself and who I am. My 30s have been my best decade yet by far. 



TexasTrouble said:


> I'm 33 and never married, no kids. I'd like to have both of these, and I'm trying to make my personal life more of a focus instead of just work like I have in the past. Maybe now's a good time to be open for those things, who knows?
> 
> I can definitely relate about being the only unmarried/childless person in your family, though. Several of my nieces and nephews have gotten married recently, and it's been a funny dynamic. I'm also from a very rural place and most people have their children before they're in their mid-20s. I bet if I did have a child, people back home would say it was a "miracle" birth (okay, since I'm currently single, if I did have a baby, it would, literally, be a miracle birth, so I guess they'd have me there).



It's become more common for people to focus on their careers and start focusing on family later in life. I saw on the news just this morning that women are on average 26 now when they marry and men are on average 29. Still younger than we 30-somethings, but not by a whole lot. I'm happy that I focused on work like I have. I've by and large met all of the career goals I'd originally set for myself when starting college and contemplating where I'd like to be work-wise at my age. I would like to focus more on building my personal life and relationships at this point in my life, though too.



snuggletiger said:


> Too busy with my hobbies to think about a spouse or kids. Life is too short to worry about what society dictates a person should or shouldn't be.



Good for you!



activistfatgirl said:


> I'm 32 here and being a partner and being in a stable place emotionally and financially to be able to nurture other humans (if not my own children) has suddenly become important to me. I didn't bat an eye when all my high school and college friends got married in their 20s and started having babies. I wanted to work in the movement, I wanted to travel, and I wanted to kick of years of celibacy via evangelicalism and via body hatred with lots of dating. But that was then, this is now. It feels SO cliche, but I feel like I turned 30 and BAM! that desire was there.
> 
> I've not experienced pressure to get married/have kids, but I have felt pity. There's this general sense of oh-no-youre-an-adult-without-a-partner eyebrow cocking that I'm starting to sense. The problem is, I sometimes agree and feel real bad about it. Still processing all of this, happy to have some other folks doing the same.
> 
> <3



YES. I sympathize with this. I owe you major rep.


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## penguin (Dec 14, 2011)

When I was younger (in my 20s) getting married was Very Very Important to me. I guess it meant that I was wanted and it was what you were meant to do. As I got older, it didn't mean so much to me, and it's at the point where I'm okay with never getting married, because I know it's not the be all and end all, that I don't need a partner to feel good about myself and know I'm desirable. I'm not going to be in a relationship simply to avoid being single, and I'm definitely not going to get married so I'm not a spinster. If it happens, it happens, but it's not a goal or something I'm working towards. My happiness isn't going to be reliant on whether someone else is in my life or not, and my self worth definitely isn't based on whether someone wants to put a ring on it.


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## WVMountainrear (Dec 14, 2011)

Surlysomething said:


> Well, i'm not in my 30's anymore but even then I was pretty sure I wouldn't be having kids. I thought I wanted them forever because I love babies and i'm quite maternal but I honestly didn't not want to be a single mother. I think it's hard when there are two parents, I didn't want to go it alone. There are also sooo many people in the world as there is. Do I really need to add another one? Haha.
> 
> I'm a good Aunt! I love my nephew with all my heart and feel the same way about my best friend's 3 teenage kids that i've known since birth.



I've never wanted to do it on my own either. At some times I've thought that makes me weak or...honestly...makes me feel like less of the moderate to liberal asshole that I am.  I don't disagree at all with the decision of people to go it alone, I've just never had the desire to do so. Like I said, my sister is a single mother, and I have no idea how she does it sometimes...and I'd especially be in awe if she didn't have my parents close by to help her. But, like you, I love my niece immensely...I can teach her things, play with her, spoil her...and then leave her with her Mom and go home to hours of uninterrupted sleep.


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## WVMountainrear (Dec 14, 2011)

penguin said:


> When I was younger (in my 20s) getting married was Very Very Important to me. I guess it meant that I was wanted and it was what you were meant to do. As I got older, it didn't mean so much to me, and it's at the point where I'm okay with never getting married, because I know it's not the be all and end all, that I don't need a partner to feel good about myself and know I'm desirable. I'm not going to be in a relationship simply to avoid being single, and I'm definitely not going to get married so I'm not a spinster. If it happens, it happens, but it's not a goal or something I'm working towards. My happiness isn't going to be reliant on whether someone else is in my life or not, and my self worth definitely isn't based on whether someone wants to put a ring on it.



This post has really made me think for one particular reason...

I mean, first, I agree with your assessment that marriage is not the be all and end all and that I don't need a partner to feel good about myself or know I'm desireable. I'm also definitely not going to be in a relationship simply to avoid being single, and also definitely not going to get married so that I'm not a spinster. I continue to agree when you say that my overall happiness as an individual is not going to be reliant on someone else and my self worth certainly isn't based on someone wanting to marry me....

However...if you asked me to list the goals I have for my life, getting married and having children would be on it. Like I said in an earlier reply, it's not that I feel unfullfilled as a person...and I don't believe that if I never get married or I never have children that I would feel like any less of a person for not having done it. But, ultimately, those are things that I would like to achieve. That's not to say that I'm structuring my entire life, foresaking all other things, around "getting someone to marry me." If you have to force or convince someone to marry you, it's not going to work- I think we can all agree on that. But as far as life goals, I would count those things as "goals." I hope that makes sense... I feel like I'm rambling this evening.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Dec 14, 2011)

Another 33 year old joining the club here... I've gone from dying to get married/have kids in my 20s to feeling like maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother and that marriage might not ever happen, and that's okay.... alllll the way back to, wow, I think I'd really like marriage/kids to happen reasonably soon. That's the problem... there's all this research out there saying once you hit 30 it's harder to have healthy babies... and you suddenly feel pressured (at least I do) to decide if you want it, because you won't be able to have babies forever... I think I want those things now, but I haven't found the right person... yet.


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## WVMountainrear (Dec 14, 2011)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Another 33 year old joining the club here... I've gone from dying to get married/have kids in my 20s to feeling like maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother and that marriage might not ever happen, and that's okay.... alllll the way back to, wow, I think I'd really like marriage/kids to happen reasonably soon. That's the problem... there's all this research out there saying once you hit 30 it's harder to have healthy babies... and you suddenly feel pressured (at least I do) to decide if you want it, because you won't be able to have babies forever... I think I want those things now, but I haven't found the right person... yet.



I was watching an episode of Dr. Drew's LifeChangers (yes...I know I'm lame), and he had Maria Menounos as a guest. She was on with a number of specialists because she is 35 and had decided to harvest and freeze her eggs. The "LifeChangers" experts on the show said that our egg production slows after the age of 35, and your eggs are much...I don't know if stronger is such a good word...but the gist was much more apt to successfully reproduce...before the age of 35, so Maria was the perfect candidate for such a procedure. Maria has a long-time boyfriend, and they decided that they wanted to have children, but not for another couple of years because of specific career and other life goals they wanted to accomplish first. It was an interesting discussion.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Dec 14, 2011)

Yeah, see, exactly. And most of us don't have the money to put those suckers on ice.


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## WVMountainrear (Dec 14, 2011)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Yeah, see, exactly. And most of us don't have the money to put those suckers on ice.



I don't know if I'd want to. I've always been more of the school of thought that if it happens, it happens...sort of one of those what's meant to be will be things. Of course, I'm not married and trying to have babies and NOT conceiving, so I guess I can't say how I would feel if that time comes.

And, yeah...all the advanced planning in the world does no good if you don't have some change to drop to get it done...and I imagine you have to get a little rental freezer to keep them in that has a monthly fee...and then all the cost associated with later re-implantation...it has to be MAJORLY costly.


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## bonified (Dec 15, 2011)

I didn't seriously think i'd even live til 30 with the hectic lives i've lead, the 90's were absolutely crazy here in Sydney lol so thinking about the clock, and who's gonna take me to the podiatrist when im pushing around my oxygen tank from all this smoking has crossed my mind at times. 
I'd not want to have to work outside the home or have one parent at home full time at least and ideally id prefer to raise kids in a rural oceany unpoluted environ, with a vege garden and clean air. Im not rich & have no trust fund nor a financier im 37 soon lol so fuck. 

I'm currently having unprotected liasions with my partner, hes young & I don't have my shit together enough at all, but then do you ever? I was told by a professor in endocrinology, that it's difficult to conceive naturally if you're 20% over or under weight & he & I have discussed our actions, nature will one way or the other deal a hand, what's meant to be as lovely lady said, will be.


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## Keb (Dec 16, 2011)

The one thing that gets me really depressed is the thought that I might never get married & have kids. Now that I'm 31, I feel like my chances are diminishing soooooo fast. The rest of my life is pretty awesome...but I always, always wanted to marry and have children. I just don't know how to make it happen.


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## WVMountainrear (Dec 16, 2011)

Keb said:


> The one thing that gets me really depressed is the thought that I might never get married & have kids. Now that I'm 31, I feel like my chances are diminishing soooooo fast. The rest of my life is pretty awesome...but I always, always wanted to marry and have children. I just don't know how to make it happen.



You know, that's one of the things that's always been the hardest for me to conceptualize...

The other goals I had for myself in life (academic, career, etc.) you CAN make those things happen. You study hard, you work hard, you get your foot in the right doors, you demonstrate your merit, and you achieve them. To a huge extent, you have control over those things.

You can't control the feelings of another person. And that's really what it comes down to. When I'm in a relationship, I put all of myself into it...I don't hold back. I think I work just as hard on my relationships as I do on everything else in my life. (I can only hope David would agree with that. ) But there are so many factors at play in matters of the heart that you simply can't dictate.

So you can't really make a marriage happen- at least not the kind of real and true marriage you want. It's something that has to evolve on its own when the two right people meet each other at the right time. And, of course, there is always effort and work involved in keeping a relationship growing and on the right path, but it's not something you can go out and make happen like so many other things.

I think the hardest part is actually meeting someone you find yourself genuinely interested in. Because when you find that mutual spark, THAT'S the time when you have something to "work" with.  You just can't manufacture that spark.


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## penguin (Dec 16, 2011)

I didn't plan on having a baby when I did, certainly not under the circumstances or with the fall out that happened, and I know it's not for everyone. It would be much better to be with a loving and supportive partner, but it's not necessary. I know that's not an acceptable choice for a lot of people, but it's worked for me. 

I know that while I don't need marriage, I don't want to be alone forever. It is something I've thought about a lot over the last few years, since becoming a single mother. But I'm not going to put my life on hold while I wait for someone to turn up and find me. You've still got to go out and live without putting your hopes on a pedestal. Maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't, but you can't tie your self worth up with your relationship status.


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## WVMountainrear (Dec 16, 2011)

penguin said:


> I didn't plan on having a baby when I did, certainly not under the circumstances or with the fall out that happened, and I know it's not for everyone. It would be much better to be with a loving and supportive partner, but it's not necessary. I know that's not an acceptable choice for a lot of people, but it's worked for me.
> 
> I know that while I don't need marriage, I don't want to be alone forever. It is something I've thought about a lot over the last few years, since becoming a single mother. *But I'm not going to put my life on hold while I wait for someone to turn up and find me. You've still got to go out and live without putting your hopes on a pedestal. Maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't, but you can't tie your self worth up with your relationship status.*



^^This exactly. You're ultimately responsible for your own happiness.

Beyond that, a good way to meet people is to go out and do things you enjoy and run into people who enjoy the same things, or get involved in something you're interested in or can related to and meet someone who's also interested or can also relate. Living your life is the best way to find someone to share it with... and if you're smiling and happy, you're going to be more easily approachable and more attractive. If you're having fun, someone will want to have fun WITH you. So have fun!


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## Blackhawk2293 (Dec 19, 2011)

Being of Sri Lankan Tamil descent, I have a plethora of extended family who continually nag me about how I'm in my 30s and must get married and start a family and some even condescendingly lecture me about how children turn out wrong when they're born from parents that are over 30. 

I particularly hate the last part because both my parents were over 30 when I was born (I'm the oldest of the siblings) and they say this shit in front of my dad who actually is an MD (unlike the ass clowns that spout their shit at me).

At first I used to just tell them to fuck off... now I screw with their beliefs about marriage being all sacred and all that by telling them that I want to go to Vegas and come back with a bride! It shuts their uppity self-important faces right up!!! LOL!


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## spiritangel (Dec 19, 2011)

You know other than a miscarriage in my 20's (a long story) it hasnt really come up. My mother seems to think any man willing to date or be in a relationship with a woman my size is gods gift for loving her fat daughter.

And she treats her partners grandkids as her own so the subject of me having kids rarely comes up with people. 

I was talking to someone else about this issue who is now past the time she can have kids and she said that honestly her friendships and relationships with people are deeper than they would have been had she had children

It is weird if you had of asked anyone growing up who would have kids by xx age my name would have been the first one they said heck I would have said it to.

I really have no idea if it will happen for me at all but I am ok with either outcome. 

I think the pressure thing is crazy it never helps anyone and if anything the more you pressure me the more I will do exactly the opposite.

I think it is far more important to be healthy and happy, to have good quality people around you and if you meet someone you want a family with then go for it

there are to many kids who have shoddy parents, who are treated poorly or bought up by people who are barely grown up enough to know how to raise a child these days. I take that responsibility seriously even if just babysitting. So am kinda glad I did not just fall into it in a way.

I think be happy with where you are and let the chips fall where they may but that might just be me and I really do not get pressured from anyone re getting pregnant or having kids, Guessing I am very lucky that way.


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## Luke (Dec 20, 2011)

I'm not alone! I'm divorced (two years now) and 30 years old. Always figured I'd have a family by now, and disappointed that dream hasn't happened. But I can at least be thankful I didn't have kids with my ex-wife. Still, I put a good amount away for retirement and would really love to get kids out of the house before I'm 50!


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## fatgirlflyin (Dec 21, 2011)

I have two kids and am currently single. My family doesn't really give me any crap about not being married, perhaps because I've already been married and have given them grandchildren? Who knows...


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## truebebeblue (Dec 21, 2011)

I think the pressure to have children isn't as heavy for men as it is for women.
Men make babies til they die. I haven't read anything that suggests 30 is the cut off date for healthy babies actually after 35 is when some genetic things become more likely but not imminent.I have a healthy toddler and am pregnant again and Im nearly 34,over 350 and pregnant within weeks of stopping birth control.Anyway, I hated that the whole offspring/forever love was mixed into one. I think you have to decide if having a child is REALLY contingent upon finding a partner... will you not still want children if you never marry? Seems a huge thing to skip because you didn't find the perfect partner (you only have about half a chance of remaining with them anyway) Being a purposeful single parent IS a valid option. Especially if you have a good support system. You may even find a like mind of the opposite sex who wants to avoid the whole marriage thing and have a co-parent. Just my opinion on it.



True


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## MisticalMisty (Dec 21, 2011)

Well, I'm not single, but I am childless and thought I would chime in with my story.

Anyone that's been here for a few years will know that I was always, always, always the one who wanted a huge family and a husband. I had it planned from about 12 years old that I would be married by 22, kids by 25. I would be a sahm, driving kids to and from sports and activities. I wanted 4 boys, etc, etc.

My mom has always made mention of getting grand babies off of me. She would jokingly bring it up when I hit 18 and she made mention of adoption and artificial insemination by the time I hit my late 20s. I felt like I put more pressure on myself because I wanted that ideal, perfect Clever family because I grew up in a totally different environment. We were a non-traditional household before they were common place and it was hard on me growing up not to have my dad around..even though I probably wouldn't be where I am today if he'd been around.

Anyways, I'm rambling. As I got closer to 30 and the more I worked with children and their parents, the more I found the notion of me giving birth and having to raise a child...very off-putting. 

Don't get me wrong..I love kids..especially babies, but I just can't do it. I can't be responsible for giving someone life and trying to keep them alive. I found that I didn't want to take that risk. In all honesty, that scene from Steel Magnolias went through my mind every time I even started to think about being a mom seriously. I'm diabetic and I just felt like I couldn't put myself or a baby at risk.

I told my mom not long after turning 30 that she was definitely not having any grandbabies by me. Some people say it was a very selfish decision, but I like to think that it was a very self-less decision. I know what I can handle in life and I know being a mom just isn't it.

I think once I was completely open and honest with myself is when I was finally open to find the person who was right for me. Rob found me. He has a daughter but has taken measures so he doesn't reproduce and we are a good fit.

So anyways, I hope those of you who have the wish to be wives and moms see it come to fruition!


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## Keb (Dec 21, 2011)

Blu, I'm glad it's working for you, but for me...being married is a requirement for having sex, let alone kids. I want my kids to have their father in their lives. 

And I do want to have a couple of my own, but I'd also like to be a foster mother. Again, that's something I don't feel I can do well enough single.


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## truebebeblue (Dec 21, 2011)

I am actually not a single mom but I was prepared to become one if I hadn't met Seth.I would have stopped with 1 child I think. I'm just saying being married or not doesn't make you more or less capable sometimes it will even make you a BETTER parent. You're attention is no longer split on maintaining a romantic relationship. You can get pregnant without having sex these days as well. I was just highlighting that by not reproducing because you never find a life mate you give up TWO huge things because you have so closely attached them. Which is clearly ok for some people but not the only(available and good!) option.
Best of luck to everyone!
True






Keb said:


> Blu, I'm glad it's working for you, but for me...being married is a requirement for having sex, let alone kids. I want my kids to have their father in their lives.
> 
> And I do want to have a couple of my own, but I'd also like to be a foster mother. Again, that's something I don't feel I can do well enough single.


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## bigmac (Dec 22, 2011)

30 isn't the end of the road. My maternal grandmother didn't get married until she was 40 and then proceeded to have six children. She lived to be 97 years old. 

My youngest two came along when I was 44 and 46.


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## Webmaster (Dec 22, 2011)

bigmac said:


> My youngest two came along when I was 44 and 46.



My son was born when I was 45, and I recall never thinking much about kids when I was in my 20s or 30s. But I can totally see how that's very different when you are in your 30s and feel that time's running out. Having a child, or children, is pretty much the ultimate human ride. It can be a total heartache and it can be a total thrill, and it certainly changes one's life forever.

I do think women are generally pressured into thinking their time is running out. There is more time than people generally think, but it is also true that time is not on one's side. Probably one of the hardest decisions everyone has to make in their life.


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## MissHoney (Dec 22, 2011)

fatgirlflyin said:


> I have two kids and am currently single. My family doesn't really give me any crap about not being married, perhaps because I've already been married and have given them grandchildren? Who knows...



Same as this ^. Two children and single, at 29 years old.


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## SoCalFatGothChick (Dec 22, 2011)

I am 33 and have been in a long term relationship for 6 years. I would like to get married and have children one day, but I don't bring up the subject to him. We hear it enough from my parents, other family members, and friends, and I dont' want to be one of those nagging girlfriends. Frankly, after all the crap I've been through in the past with men I am just grateful to have what I have now!


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## BBW4Chattery (Dec 25, 2011)

I will be 33 in a few weeks, have no children, never married. I am technically in a relationship but it's weird. I think the guy just wants me to have his child and isn't concerned about his relationship with me. I don't know, it's very strange... still processing it all.

I may write more later but don't know if Christmas morning is the best time to rehash my life confusions.  I'm thankful to read about others who may share the same concerns and experiences.


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## Blackhawk2293 (Dec 25, 2011)

BBW4Chattery said:


> I will be 33 in a few weeks, have no children, never married. I am technically in a relationship but it's weird. I think the guy just wants me to have his child and isn't concerned about his relationship with me. I don't know, it's very strange... still processing it all.
> 
> I may write more later but don't know if Christmas morning is the best time to rehash my life confusions.  I'm thankful to read about others who may share the same concerns and experiences.




I've heard of that type of situation before, where the guy is only interested in the woman bearing his child and actually couldn't give a fuck what the woman does. It might sounds weird but definitely not unheard of. I hope things get better for you!


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## JenFromOC (Dec 28, 2011)

BBW4Chattery said:


> I will be 33 in a few weeks, have no children, never married. I am technically in a relationship but it's weird. I think the guy just wants me to have his child and isn't concerned about his relationship with me. I don't know, it's very strange... still processing it all.
> 
> I may write more later but don't know if Christmas morning is the best time to rehash my life confusions.  I'm thankful to read about others who may share the same concerns and experiences.



I had my daughter when I was 31 (34 now), and even though I was married at the time, I'm almost positive the reason my ex married me was so we could have a baby. I don't care because I have the most beautiful child in the world, but it also shows how little he knew about me as a person. I don't believe you have to be married to have children.


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## JulieD (Dec 30, 2011)

When I was in high school, I remember thinking that all I wanted in life was to be married, have enough children to start my own ethnic group, a house with a white fence and big yard for all the kids and our dog to play in. 

Now that I'm 33 and a single mother, I am so glad things didn't work out the way I wanted. I would however like to be in a caring, loving relationship. I don't have to get married, but if I was asked and it feels right, I wouldn't say no, probably. I have a child, I don't need anymore. But if I were to conceive again, I would love it as much as my first. 

I think now that I am older, and wiser, now that I have lived life and experience horrible tragedies and have amazing wonderful blessing... I am happy with what I have going for me. Yes, I do want a relationship and am actively looking, but if it doesn't happen... Welp, it doesn't happen.


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## psychdocva (Dec 30, 2011)

Never married...no kids...

Regrets?

Nah...life is good.

(and yeah, that's me in the picture at about 2 or 3 years old...lol)


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## psychdocva (Dec 30, 2011)

Aw, shucks.


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## Jack Secret (Dec 31, 2011)

I never hear comments about me not being married. I think I beat up on MYSELF enough. I could've been married twice Should have been. I was really excited about my last relationship, but when I broke my neck everything kind of fell apart.

I do have a seven-year-old son from a brief relationship. Thank God I never considered marriage to that woman. Anyway, that takes care of the grandchildren issue with my parents


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## kennyg-uk (Jan 2, 2012)

I'm 34 this year, no marriage or kids on the horizon. I think as I've got a bit older and even more set in my ways I feel it less and less likely that my situation will change as the sort of relationship BS I would put up with 10 years ago I wouldn't entertain now.

I've become a lot more comfortable on my own and even been backpacking a few times in the last couple of years and found no issue with travelling around on my own, if anything it was more fun. 

I have 3 older sisters and a lot of nieces and nephews but my parents never put any pressure on me to give them more grandchildren.


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## lost_lenore (Jan 2, 2012)

I'm 36 and have 2 teenagers, the oldest started college and the youngest started high school this year... so, if you do the math, you'll see that i started pretty young..

i almost feel like i have the best of both worlds... i spent my older teenage/younger twenties raising kids... and don't regret a minute of it...

and now, i get to go to college... branch out into my community in ways i simply couldn't have done with small children... i get to be a part of their burgeoning independence... and be satisfied in the knowledge that i've raised them to be amazing individuals... but i get the freedom that older kids/teenagers give you.

plus, when i hang out with my son, people assume we're either siblings or dating... which ain't bad on the old ego... i must say. :blush:

LL


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## NancyGirl74 (Jan 27, 2012)

I am 37 and single/no kids. Some days I'm ok with this. Some days not so much. I never intended to be single at 37. In fact, I always thought I'd marry and have kids fairly young. When I was 20 something and stupid I wanted a Pitt-Jolie type brood. Now I think one or two would be nice. Sometimes I'm ok with none which surprises me. 

As for having a significant other...I'm on the fence. I am very introverted so it takes me a while to get to know people, especially men. I'm just plain shy around men. I'm shy until I'm not, there is no rhyme or reasoning for it. I'm also a major homebody. These things do not make for easy romancing. But I would like to have someone in my life...I think. 

I'm such an on-the-fence and lackadaisical person about this. For example, I got it into my head to try a dating site. I signed up with PlentyOfFish because I have heard good things. Halfway through the processes of filling out the information needed to start making matches I just quit. I just couldn't be bothered. I'm lazy when it comes to the effort needed for finding a mate. I'm not unrealistic. I don't expect the fairy tale of a prince showing up and rescuing me. I just would love it if some guy showed up, looked at me (messy bun, no make up, work clothes, and all) and said, "Ok, she's the one." and be done with it. Of course, he'd have to be the one for me too but you get my meaning. Little effort, total agreement...That shouldn't be so hard to find, right?


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## PandaGeek (Feb 22, 2012)

I only just hit 30 a few months ago, I'm single with no kids. The entire time growing up I really wanted to find someone who would just love me for me and that I could get married to and have kids. In fact the idea of being the stay at home dad, raising the kids, cooking dinners and what not was awesome to me. I was engaged not too long ago with a woman who had told me she wanted similar things, but things... fell apart. Now I have to wonder if its for me. There is still a large part of me that wants to be married and wants to be a dad, but its hard to make that sort of connection with someone. I'm at least hoping my sister has kids before too long so I can be an uncle at least!


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## MasonBlue (Mar 21, 2012)

I am 34. I could never find a time between college and work and illness to start a relationship. Now that everything is going right for me I find that all the good girls are taken. But at least I never made any mistakes like bought into mortages and invested my self in industries that are collapsing


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## Jack Secret (Mar 21, 2012)

MasonBlue said:


> I am 34. I could never find a time between college and work and illness to start a relationship. Now that everything is going right for me I find that all the good girls are taken. But at least I never made any mistakes like bought into mortages and invested my self in industries that are collapsing



I managed to sell my house just before the collapse. That was a close one.

A lot of the good girls have gone through their first divorces. They have been there and done that for the most part. Now they're figuring out exactly what they wanted in the first place.

Time to call up an old girlfriend? Just a thought


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## Polarbear (Mar 22, 2012)

I am 30 almost 31 year old single with no kids. I admit throughout my life I have always wanted to find a girlfriend and have that experience but social anxiety got in my way at times so never have dated. I have taken a more Taoist view on it and just going with the flow of living my life to see what all comes up from it.


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## Blackhawk2293 (Mar 23, 2012)

Jack Secret said:


> Time to call up an old girlfriend? Just a thought



Sometimes I think it's better to leave the past in the past and this is a great example of that.


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## NoWayOut (Mar 23, 2012)

I've still got another six years before I get there, but it's interesting to see what I have to look forward to. I really hope my mom doesn't pressure me, that wouldn't be a fun conversation to have, especially since the woman I'm dating doesn't want a child either. However, I'm the oldest of five, so I think I'll probably be okay there.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 26, 2012)

MasonBlue said:


> I am 34. I could never find a time between college and work and illness to start a relationship. Now that everything is going right for me I find that all the good girls are taken. But at least I never made any mistakes like bought into mortages and invested my self in industries that are collapsing



There are several single women on this thread alone who prove that all the good women are not taken (and yes, I'I'm including myself in that. Ha ha.) Just saying.


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## NoWayOut (Mar 27, 2012)

All the good women are most certainly not already taken. Were I still looking, finding one would be easy.


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## Keb (Mar 27, 2012)

I wonder what makes a woman a "good" one. Besides, you know, not being a complete jerk.


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## MRdobolina (Mar 27, 2012)

^
complete set of teeth?


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## penguin (Mar 27, 2012)

It's all subjective.


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## Diana_Prince245 (Mar 28, 2012)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> There are several single women on this thread alone who prove that all the good women are not taken (and yes, I'I'm including myself in that. Ha ha.) Just saying.



Some of us have already turned into the crazy cat lady though.


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## penguin (Mar 28, 2012)

This seems relevant


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## LeoGibson (Mar 31, 2012)

Diana_Prince245 said:


> Some of us have already turned into the crazy cat lady though.



Crazy cat ladies are hot though!! Actually crazy girls in general are hot!!


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## Diana_Prince245 (Mar 31, 2012)

LeoGibson said:


> Crazy cat ladies are hot though!! Actually crazy girls in general are hot!!



Yea, but crazy girls are crazy! You never know what we're going to do


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## veggieforever (Apr 1, 2012)

*I am nearing 34 and made the choice as a teenager that children were certainly NOT for me. When I first met my partner of 9 years now it was very difficult to bring up the subject as it is normally a "deal breaker" as most people see children in their future. It was so refreshing to say "I dont want children" and have someone say "ME TOO!!" with a great big smile on their face!! hahaha!

We much prefer our "furry babies" and also our freedom is priceless. Kids are a must for some and I totally respect that but for me, my partner, our fluffy companions and our peaceful times together are what life is all about. I don't like it when "childless" translates as a negative. For many it is our CHOICE. I have friends who are run ragged and utterly miserable with their children and that to me is not something I wish to ever pursue or contend with. Peace, tranquility and freedom is my life's motto in life and I am sticking to it! 
*


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## Jasminium (Apr 3, 2012)

Im 34, no kids, never married. I do want a family, but I'd have to put my education on hold if that ever became a reality. I decided some time ago Im not going to worry about that ticking clock anymore. In five, ten years I may have my Ph.D or I may have couple rug rats running around. Either way Ill have what I want, so I'm good.


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## april celeste (Apr 7, 2012)

Hi everyone

My first post and I just wanted to share my story with you.

I have always been a large person, from a small child, through to where I am now (SSBBW) - and so I have lacked confidence and self esteem, as I am sure some of you can relate to.

Anyhow, at 22 I rushed into marriage with the first guy that ever showed me any attention, and although that marriage lasted 13 years it wasnt meant to be. 

We didnt have kids and looking back now I am so very glad that we didnt because I dont think that it would have been fair to bring children into a relationship which obviously wasnt working and had some big difficulties. Life is hard enough as it is and I would want to raise my kids in a warm loving stable home, be it with one parent or two, and this wouldnt have been possible.

But as I passed my 30th birthday and the years moved on I did feel as though I had missed out on something - something big and life changing, and it was a sad feeling.

I have neices and nephews that are close to me in age as I was the youngest of 5 - and most of them have gone on to have families and I am so very proud of each and every one of them - I can see how being a parent has been so fulfilling to them and they are great at it - very proud auntie here!

But life is funny - as that famous saying goes - life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get!

And I got a partner who was a single dad, raising his 6 year old son - and I am now a mum - not a stepmum, a mum - helping to raise a now 12 year old boy who is my life - I cant express how I feel about the joy and happiness he brings me - and it is hard work at times, and yes I am definately greyer, but I love each and every minute of being a mum - from cookng, cleaning, nagging, homework etc - to the rare times when he gives me a kiss for no reason, or tells me I am cool!

I guess I am very very lucky and just wanted to share my story with you all. I chose not to have children when I was younger because it wasnt the right time and I honestly thought that it was too late for me after my divorce - but it seems that there was hope for me after all!!

April


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## Ample Pie (Apr 12, 2012)

I am 36. I've never been married and I have no children. I have never *wanted* to have children and, with one exception, never considered myself the marrying type. I'm not saying I'm not open to changes, just that being unmarried and child-free is what I want for myself now (not to mention what I have wanted for almost all of my 36 years). 

There has certainly been a lot of "you'll change your mind," "it'll be different when you have your own." etc when it comes to kids. But...the thing is I know it'd be different if I were to have my own and that's why I don't want my own. I'm glad to be an _aunt_.


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## curlyrachel (Apr 13, 2012)

i'm going to be 37 in just two weeks. wow! when i was in my teens, i thought i wanted to get married and have babies asap. when i was in my early twenties, i just wanted to have a good time. and then, in my mid twenties, i got really, deathly ill. (nothing to do with being fat, so suck on that haters!  ) i spent almost 8 years on the brink, just fighting to survive every day, so romance was not on my mind. i assumed i had no future.

now, i'm coming back, in a big way. but i find that my dreams are very different. i've been indifferent about having children for quite some time. with my health issues, i worry that i wouldn't be able to care for a child like i would want to, and i hate the thought of bringing a child into such a messed up world. i think my body is going to make up my mind for me pretty soon and i won't be able to have a biological child. i'm not ruling out adoption, but i just don't know right now. i'm open to whatever comes, because i know that things often turn out differently than we expect.  but if i never have children, i'm ok with that. i give love and nurturing in so many ways. i do not feel as though i "lack" or am "less" because i don't have children.

i've been single for a long, long time, but i would love to get married. i'm just really picky, likely pickier than i should be, and being on death's doorstep, i haven't been getting out much.  but, i'm making progress and moving forward. i'm so glad that i never married before now. i hated myself. HATED. i'm just now learning confidence and strength. only now am i beginning to be ready for the kind of partner that i want.

but, if i don't end up getting married, that will be ok. life will end up as it should, and i know that i can and will be happy and live a full life whether i live it married or single.


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## ChickletsBBW (Apr 25, 2012)

Just my chime in here..

I'm 35, never married or engaged and no children.
Not by choice. Just cant seem to meet someone interested in the same things and/or wanting a long term relationship and at least open to the idea of marriage someday..
Why does the "M" word scare men so much? 

Oh and for the record, there *are* good girls out here looking for a good guy.

I basically could copy/paste just about everyone's comments and say I agree to them. It seems so many of us are in the same boat. I'm very loving and nuturing and after I finally said no more to my last bf over 5 and 1/2 yrs ago, mother nature decided to start banging at my door about 6 months after that.
Before that point, I had only wanted to get married and didn't necessarily want children but oh gosh I sure do now.. but I'm pushing the age limit and have pretty much decided 36 is the end. My mom had me when she was 36. Maybe it sounds weird.

I would totally be open to adopting if that's something my (hopefully someday) partner would be open to or wants too.

I kind of figure by now at this age I won't end up getting married for multiple reasons. The main ones are most men my age have already been married and already have children and are now divorced and not looking for marriage again.
The other being that we now live in a society of instant gratification and anytime men (and women) get bored or whatever, they cheat, break up or just have no regards to a relationship.
Now... with that said, I am not including *all* men in this. I know there are men looking for marriage and/or marriage with children.

II dont think any of those men are in Austin, but in reality I suppose there are just not many men in this area that actually want to date bigger women since Austin is now considered one of the healthiest cities in the US. Gosh knows I certainly don't "fit" in around anymore even though Austin's motto is "Keep Austin Weird" and I certainly think I'm at least a little weird lol 
I also dont really know where to meet any men anymore that might like bigger women. Even our monthly bbw get-togethers rarely have new men come to meet the lovely single ladies. I'm also very shy and don't talk to men I don't know simply due to rejection from men the majority of my life due to my size. 

My mom used to ask me all the time when I was with my ex bf if I was going to give her a grandbaby and I just kept telling her no. Although she never pushed the marriage subject with that boy lol (go figure.. Moms know best lol). It sucks now because in my mom's eyes, I seem hopeless (yes, i know my mom too well and she can never understand how any man could be attracted to a fat woman like me) 

But.. I try to keep a positive outlook even though most days I think it royally stinks being single. I still do hope to meet the right man for me to have a great friendship and lasting loving/caring relationship. 

I will say I'm grateful for the internet to have the opportunity to talk to some really wonderful men that love their gf's and wives. I've also talked to many single men that I have made friendships with, some much better than others. A few I would have loved to meet but things just never seemed to work out. And yes even still someone I'd truely enjoy meeting.. but.. who knows what tomorrow lies. I just keep on smiling 

oh.. quick side note.. Mr Right.. if you're out there reading this say hello! lol


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## MasonBlue (Jun 7, 2012)

Jack Secret said:


> Time to call up an old girlfriend? Just a thought



Lol all my ex girlfriends are my ex's for a good reason. The one I would like to be with the most .... was the worst split. She is on a totally different track to me now.


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## KuroBara (Jun 10, 2012)

I'm 32, and I know I do not want to have children. I don't think I want to be married per se, but would not mind being in a long term relationship, with him living in his own place. I have yet to meet someone I want around me 24/7, and I'm probably not someone anyone wants around 24/7. This flows into one reason why I couldn't be a parent. I cherish my peace and privacy, and especially my freedom. I may decide to go overseas at anytime, and I need to be able to do that without worrying about drastically another life who has no control or say over my actions. I would be perfectly content with a few cats and an iguana, with a boyfriend whom I see often, and stays a few nights a week.


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## Ryan (Jun 13, 2012)

I'm 35, married, but don't have kids.


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## LadyDeelicious (Jun 19, 2012)

I am going to be 38 in a couple days, and still single...not so much loving it right now...feeling a little lonely lately

My daughter turned 18 last week, I got a promotion at work, moved into an apartment I LOVE, happy all the time, but still something seems missing.....oh well one day


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## Critters (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm 36, female, single, childfree, and voluntarily sterile. 

I'm luckier than some in that my parents were rather ahead of their time and told me that whatever I did with my life was up to me. I didn't have to marry if I didn't wish to. Some of my friends were pressured relentlessly by their families to marry, but I was allowed to live my own life with a minimum of interference into my romantic life by my parents.

I dated some when I was in HS and uni., but I was a very shy girl who was (looking back on it) dealing with a measure of PTSD from abuse in my past (child sexual abuse, severe bullying, and mental and physical abuse by a teacher). I was an epic wallflower. Through HS, I practically hid in my locker! The funny part of it was that when I look at old pics taken of me in HS, I was really very cute, in a geeky-girl sort of way, quite thin (though I didn't think it at the time!), and I had great legs from my figure skating. If I had that figure now, I wouldn't be shy at all! We never realize what we've got until we've not got it anymore!

I was finally given a confirmed autism diagnosis when I was in university. It explained so much! And with access to the internet, I also discovered that I fit the profile of asexuality. I have no sexual desires. For me, relationships are emotional. I can have intellectual crushes, and I can quite enjoy the way a person looks, moves, dresses, etc. but it really doesn't go any further than that. 
I enjoy physical closeness, cuddling, hugging. But I don't require or crave sexual contact. I have done it simply to give my partner what he needed, but it did not do for me what it did for him. For me, it was just absurd and a little gross, and it was hard to keep from laughing... you must admit, the process of sex really is ridiculous. But since I cared for him and wanted him to be happy, I went along with it. But it wasn't something I ever initiated.

I am solitary and independent. I can be difficult, persnickity, perfectionistic, and obsessive over my interests. I generally prefer the company of my pet rats to the company of people. I do not do well when living in close quarters with another person for any length of time. I need my space. I require silence the way I require air to breathe. There are times that any sound, even my own voice or the voice of someone I really do love, can make me angry or panicky. I need an astonishing amount of absolutely human-free time, especially when I have been forced to be social all day at work. Autistic people have a limited social reserve, and once that has been used up, we need to be absolutely alone and uninterrupted until we feel able to face humanity again. If someone intrudes onto my vital private recharging time, that person is going to get the verbal equal to a nuclear bomb going off in their face. If the person's an idiot and still intrudes, they're going to find out that I have an absolutely EPIC right uppercut. People only make this error in judgement once. Being knocked out by a fist to the jaw isn't an experience many are keen to repeat.

Living with someone like me is *hard* for people who can only see autism from the outside looking in. It is just as hard for me to live with someone who isn't autistic too. 
I am content being single. I know that it would take a very rare individual to take me on as a life's partner and actually make it work out for us both. My hermitish nature means that I am quite happy to remain on my own. If that rare person should happen to come into my life, I would be open to seeing if a relationship could bloom, but I'm still content to stay single and won't feel bad if I never come across the right person.


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## RaccoonInc (Jul 3, 2012)

Yeah, I'm totally up for this topic. I'm 31, relatively mature, single, and totally childless. Got a couple of awesome kitties, but yeah - no family. It's, like, I feel like I'm a the age where, like... It's like I'm driving down the highway and way off in the distance you can see this sign. You don't know what it says and it's still blurry and a ways off, but this dread that it says "YOU ARE NOW TOO LATE" and not, like, "STILL GOOD" or something. That's the mortal fear, you know?

I had a nice nine year relationship, marriage, and everything was cool, but I knew going in that she couldn't have kids, so I sold myself on resigning early. Eventually, though, we split amicably (we're still awesome friends and I get kitty support! ) when she came to the conclusion that she should be with a woman instead. Her new girlfriend's awesome and life is O.k. for her, so that's good. 

After her I had a girlfriend for two years, moved in together, and kinda hung onto the relationship way too long cause it really wasn't a good relationship. It was rocky kinda from the word go, but I had this thing in my head that said to fight and try and make it work. In the end I was hurt pretty bad afterwards. That was, like, yeesh, eight months ago now. Doesn't seem that long, but it is, and I've been perfectly alone since then. 

I feel over it now, but is it ever discouraging to start from scratch two months shy of 32. It's a total, total downer, ad everywhere you look people are holding hands and playing catch with kids and you just feel like the plane took off without you. So I dunno where to go from here. It's difficult, you know? It's hard to have any self-esteem about these things. I totally empathize with everyone in this thread. You're not alone. Not at all. It's nice to see that I'm not alone, either. Thanks!  I'll keep up the good fight! Yay us!


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## largenlovely (Jul 4, 2012)

I'm 37 and Have no children..and single. I'm actually pretty glad I never had any children being that none of the previous relationships worked out. So right now I would be a single mom and that is one tough job that I don't wanna apply for. Still hoping to find Mr. Right one day though


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## willow173 (Jul 5, 2012)

How right you are Largenlovely! as 38 year old single mum life is def a challenge! Everything you take for granted prior to it evaporates. I wouldnt change it though I am very happy and my children are fab. 
It does make relationships complicated though, I find it very hard to meet people and the thought of putting myself at risk dating in case something goes wrong is enough to keep me pretty celibate! 
Fingers crossed though I live in hope


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## largenlovely (Jul 5, 2012)

I am sure I would feel the same if I had children but on THIS side, I'm gonna do my damndest not to have them lol. I made the decision years ago that I didn't want children but had I become pregnant (even though I'm pro choice) I would have kept the child. I'm just glad it never happened lol. My sister has 3 kids though that I love as if they were my own. So I spoil them lol. I don't know if it's different for men but I expect that anyone I may date is likely to have at least one child. So I would think they would be accepting of the fact that u have kids. As for having the time to go out and meet someone with kids. Well, I imagine that's a whole other ball of wax lol 




willow173 said:


> How right you are Largenlovely! as 38 year old single mum life is def a challenge! Everything you take for granted prior to it evaporates. I wouldnt change it though I am very happy and my children are fab.
> It does make relationships complicated though, I find it very hard to meet people and the thought of putting myself at risk dating in case something goes wrong is enough to keep me pretty celibate!
> Fingers crossed though I live in hope


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## KittyKitten (Jul 7, 2012)

I'm closer to 30 than 20. I don't think I'll ever want kids. I do want to get married and have a life partner but as far as having children, I feel that would drain me. Everyone is not meant to be a mother. I don't want to bring them into this chaotic world and I'm a bit selfish. They are demanding, expensive, and a headache. I don't hate kids, I actually think they are cute and playful, but do I want one to raise? No. I can be an aunt to others' kids but at the end of the day, I don't want any of my own. Maybe this would change, but as of right now, I'm doubtful that it will. The next person who would ask me 'so when are you having kids?' would get slapped in the face. I don't want to be saddled down with them!


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## largenlovely (Jul 8, 2012)

happyface83 said:


> I'm closer to 30 than 20. I don't think I'll ever want kids. I do want to get married and have a life partner but as far as having children, I feel that would drain me. Everyone is not meant to be a mother. I don't want to bring them into this chaotic world and I'm a bit selfish. They are demanding, expensive, and a headache. I don't hate kids, I actually think they are cute and playful, but do I want one to raise? No. I can be an aunt to others' kids but at the end of the day, I don't want any of my own. Maybe this would change, but as of right now, I'm doubtful that it will. The next person who would ask me 'so when are you having kids?' would get slapped in the face. I don't want to be saddled down with them!



I couldn't have said it better myself


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## tinkerbell (Jul 8, 2012)

I'm 31, married and am child free. I'm pretty sure my husband and I are not going to have children, but we'll see. I'm extremely happy with how my life is now, without children. I have two dogs that I love.

I love being an aunt and wish I could spend more time with my nieces and nephews. I love my friends' kids, but just don't really want any of my own right now. I love my freedom! 

How did I miss this thread?!?


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## seavixen (Jul 11, 2012)

I'm ten days away from thirty, so I'm *almost* the right age to comment.

I'm married, but I have no kids. People, for some reason, assume that I have them. People have been assuming this since I was fifteen or something. Apparently, I look like I should have kids. I don't get that at all, but... whatever.

My extended family asks when I'm going to reproduce. To them, it's just plain weird to be married and have no kids. My parents know better, and they have never, ever bothered me to give them grandchildren. I do think my dad was a little relieved when I got married, though - lol.

I don't hate kids or anything, but I'm way too set in my ways, way too used to having space and quiet and so forth, to want any babies. I prefer my at-home-family-time to be more adult oriented. Ya know? Kids are a huge, life-long commitment. The responsibility is completely staggering to me. I think way too many people jump in without really considering the decision; it's just that logical next step, and we sort of take it without even really thinking about if we want to or not.

When we first got married, we were open to whatever happened, for exactly that reason. You get married, then you build a family; that's just what you're "supposed" to do. Now, we're both really glad I didn't get pregnant in those early days. There's no way we'd be where we're at right now if a baby had entered into the mix.

Don't get me wrong - I have nothing against people with kids. I like kids. I like to coo at them, tickle them, and then go home to my quiet, toy-free house, where I don't have to worry about whether I'm making too much noise or wearing enough clothing.


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## bigmac (Jul 20, 2012)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Another 33 year old joining the club here... I've gone from dying to get married/have kids in my 20s to feeling like maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother and that marriage might not ever happen, and that's okay.... alllll the way back to, wow, I think I'd really like marriage/kids to happen reasonably soon. That's the problem... there's all this research out there saying once you hit 30 it's harder to have healthy babies... and you suddenly feel pressured (at least I do) to decide if you want it, because you won't be able to have babies forever... I think I want those things now, but I haven't found the right person... yet.



You still have time -- lots of people have healthy babies in their late thirties and early forties. I'm 48 and my wife is 41 we have two kids in daycare, one in high school, and two in grad school. Being a parent of little kids in my forties isn't really any harder than it was in my early twenties (just harder to catch the kids when they decide to run down the street).


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jul 21, 2012)

bigmac said:


> You still have time -- lots of people have healthy babies in their late thirties and early forties. I'm 48 and my wife is 41 we have two kids in daycare, one in high school, and two in grad school. Being a parent of little kids in my forties isn't really any harder than it was in my early twenties (just harder to catch the kids when they decide to run down the street).


Thanks.  I appreciate the encouragement.


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## Corwynis (Aug 10, 2012)

penguin said:


> This seems relevant



This reminds me of my old supply sergeant.


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## FAinPA (Aug 18, 2012)

My wife and I split up two years ago this month, due in large part to opposing stances regarding reproduction. There were other issues of course, but that was the biggie. Anyway, when the divorce issue naturally comes up in conversation, the reflex response of the person you are talking to is, "Do you have any kids?" And when I say no, they invariably say, "Oh, well that's good." And the look on their face tries to convey some kind of relief, even though they don't realize their non-verbal cues.
A majority of folks seem to assume that divorce is pain-free without children in the picture. I know they are probably just trying to make conversation and feel awkward when divorce comes up, but I'd hate to see their reaction to divorced people who do have kids.
Anyway, I know this isn't the biggest audience (in numbers, not size of course)  but I would advise you to choose other responses when divorce comes up in converation; maybe something as simple as, "That must be difficult, how are you handling it?" Personally, I use humor to deflect my feelings about what a painful loss it has been for me. Time is helping to heal, and I moved to the other side of my state, but it still enters my thoughts every day, reflexively.

Oh, yeah, the topic of being single and childless...count me in!


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## BriannaBombshell (Sep 8, 2012)

I am happy! I just turned 30 in May, I was married for 7 years of my 20's and have been single for 2 years now. I am growing, enjoying life, spending time with my family and friends. It's a good time for me right now!:smitten:

Fortunately my family respects my decision to not to have children at this time or maybe ever. It's hard to raise kids with the way the world is and money, and school and and and... and they agree. :blink:

I would have to say relationship wise, I do sometimes wish for someone to spend my time with. Mostly though I work past those feelings and continue to enjoy life while I wait for the right man to come along. Don't get me wrong I do go out and meet men for dates and such but I'm not going to get into a relationship just because I am lonely. I did that once, I will nEVER do that again. 

Fuck what everyone else thinks, just be happy with your life. That's really all that matters is that YOU ARE HAPPY


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## BriannaBombshell (Sep 8, 2012)

FAinPA said:


> My wife and I split up two years ago this month, due in large part to opposing stances regarding reproduction. There were other issues of course, but that was the biggie. Anyway, when the divorce issue naturally comes up in conversation, the reflex response of the person you are talking to is, "Do you have any kids?" And when I say no, they invariably say, "Oh, well that's good." And the look on their face tries to convey some kind of relief, even though they don't realize their non-verbal cues.
> A majority of folks seem to assume that divorce is pain-free without children in the picture. I know they are probably just trying to make conversation and feel awkward when divorce comes up, but I'd hate to see their reaction to divorced people who do have kids.
> Anyway, I know this isn't the biggest audience (in numbers, not size of course)  but I would advise you to choose other responses when divorce comes up in converation; maybe something as simple as, "That must be difficult, how are you handling it?" Personally, I use humor to deflect my feelings about what a painful loss it has been for me. Time is helping to heal, and I moved to the other side of my state, but it still enters my thoughts every day, reflexively.
> 
> Oh, yeah, the topic of being single and childless...count me in!



I have to say I agree, though I am happy now, my divorce was pretty devastating at that time. I too do not have children, and I too received the same reaction or even the words "at least you don't have kids" would be said, a lot. Divorce is a sad occurrence in life whether kids are involved or not. It pulls at every emotion we can feel. It's starting life over. It's learning how to be alone, cook for one, shop for one, love yourself... 

I am sorry about your divorce FAinPA, it will continue to get better if you allow it to. I know the pain and the healing of it and if you ever need to chat I am here


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## Grizzlybear (Dec 19, 2012)

I'll be 33 in February. I've been married, but since it turned out all she wanted was my money, it didn't work out. I loved her too...

We never had any children (which, in hindsight is a very _good_ thing), but I do want to be a father someday. The older I get, the less likely I think that'll be though. I really don't want to have kids so old that I can't get out and be active with them.

I'm ridiculously lonely these days. I haven't yet found "her". The One. If I had to guess, she's not here Stateside like me. Maybe she's in Europe, or Australia. Maybe someplace else. I don't know. What I do know is this:

1. I see a lot of shallow human beings in the U.S. I get that not all of them are, but wow. LOTS of stupid, shallow people. I crave a woman of intelligence. Not necessarily so much that she makes me look like an imbecile, but... smart, you know?

2. I have my interests, and I know that she's going to have hers. I just hope that some of them belong to both of us.

3. I'm kind of feeling these days like the old saying is very, very wrong; that everyone *is* an island. No one really "gets" anyone else. Been feeling that way for a long time...

*End Ache-rant*


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## Cobra Verde (Dec 22, 2012)

I prefer the term _child-free_.


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## EMH1701 (Dec 29, 2012)

I'm 37, single, with no kids. I do have a pet gecko.


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## LJ Rock (Jan 7, 2013)

I had to read through this whole thread because I couldn't remember if I had posted on here already or not. Turns out I hadn't, so I'll say something now.  

It was interesting looking at people's different stories, hearing their thoughts and feelings about this subject. It's definitely a hot button issues, especially for those of us are further along in our thirties. 

As of this post I am 38 years old, never married and no children. If I am being honest, yes there is a part of me that feels like I have missed out on experiencing the whole family thing. But at the same time, I just know that right now I am in no place to be a husband or a dad. I just have too many personal issues of my own to deal with. 

I admit I still entertain the notion that maybe one day I'll meet the woman of my dreams and fall into eternal wedded bliss, start the perfect family and live happily ever after, though I readily admit that it will never happen if I continue to live the life I do. The fact is, whether any of that stuff happens or not, I DO want more for myself than what I've allowed myself thus far. I'm not sure exactly what that something more is or what it looks like, but I know it's out there somewhere. 

In the meantime, I want to make the best of the life I have always - it's so hard sometimes to "be here now" as they say. It's easy to live in the pain of the past or to lose yourself in the endless possibility of tomorrow's dreams. To really just look around you and to be happy with who you are today, right where you are, well I think that might be the best kind of happy ending any of us could ask for.


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## Shinobi_Hime-Sama (Jan 12, 2013)

I posted in the 20's forum on a similar topic, though now that I am about 3 months away from being 30 I wonder. See my sister had a son at 23 with one boyfriend at the time, now that boyfriend is an ex and since then she's had another son with another boyfriend so she's going to be 28 this year and already has two kids. I don't and I'm not even sure I want to go through all that pain. Also I hate being the center of attention and as soon as you start showing you're like in the spotlight forever and everyone suddenly wants to get all touchy-feely with you and up in your personal space bubble. 

I have seen it happen, one of the girls I used to work at Wal-Mart with got pregnant and all of a sudden every one of her customers, usually the older ladies who came through her line, wanted to touch her belly and it freaked her out. Hell, it even freaked me out and I wasn't the one who was pregnant. I don't want that attention on me, it scares the hell out of me. And I have no job or money coming in so no financial means to support a kid and trust me, no one wants to hire a pregnant girl.


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## ecogeek (Mar 2, 2013)

I just had this discussion the other day with my man friend. We are both 29 and both think it would be a nice notion SOMEDAY. Me personally, I know that the instinct is definitely there, but it is not right for me now. If it isn't ever, so be it. I was married for eight years. Got married VERY young. (Horrible idea by the way.) I'm so damn grateful no children were involved. I just look at my sense of humor, the things I find funny, the way I choose to live my life, the things I like to do and how I spend my time and know that for now I am much happier child free. I have certain ideas of what I would like to be able to give a child and know that I cannot meet those standards currently. Maybe one day. Maybe not.


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## CaAggieGirl (Apr 14, 2013)

So as of yesterday, I am 30, not married, no kids.

I spent most of my legal age years with my ex. I was not in a hurry to get married, though we did get engaged and I could never imagine having children with him. He was so irresponsible, it was like having a child. After we separated, I had to learn to love myself (which I am still working on) and I have given more thought to children. I would love to get married someday but if it doesn't happen I will be okay. The guy I am dating, doesn't really want kids and I am not a person that *must* have children so if he never changes his mind, then we would still be okay. Though I have had enough of people telling me my time is running out. I work for a women's health medical practice, I know plenty about my reproductive system so go away.

Everyone keeps telling me that your thirties are your most fun years. I am really looking forward to it.


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## KFD (Apr 30, 2013)

I am a sperm donor and financial benefactor to some manipulative £>^*£'s living and breathing doll. Melinda and I both agreed that children isn't for us. I sadly see too much individual isolation in today's society- people lack self accountability nowadays. Instead of raising awareness for bullying people should be raising their kids! I don't see the need to pollute this world with legitimate offspring, much less one with their nose in a tablet or smartphone. As far as being bullied, and suffering from PTSD, mental abuse to me seems to be a talisman of a weak conviction. I got shot at for year by Talibn, and I don't have mental issues. It's all in how you take control of your own problems. Most of the people raising bratty, misbehaved children lack that. That expensive heartbreak I am donating over half my pay to each month is a perfect example. That woman is in her forties, but can't tie her shoes without relying on someone else. Self-reliance is a rare trait today, it seems. I don't want my children to be in a world like that. Someone else can do that. I'll pass...


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## NYCGabriel (May 14, 2013)

I would love to be a parent.


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## Corwynis (Jun 14, 2013)

I'll be 31 in July, and I've been separated from my wife for a while now. Just waiting on residency here in Utah, so that I can file for divorce. As far as costs go, the divorce process is cheaper without kids. 

But at some point, if I can find the right person (and learn to trust again), I would love to raise a family of my own.


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## lizzie_lotr (Jun 15, 2013)

No kids for me, and I'm soooo happy about it too!!


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## snuggletiger (Jun 17, 2013)

at 37 almost 38, I find myself wishing I had kids. I always wanted kids, just never have been able to find someone that wanted to have that kind of life with me. Now in all likelihood if I want to have a kid I'll have to adopt, and how successful are single dads in the adoption game?


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## BChunky (Aug 4, 2013)

I just turned 37. Im definitely hoping to find someone to start a family with in the future, Im not getting any younger  I have always wanted kids and now that most of my friends have started families, I want that for myself.


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## Ashley1985 (Aug 6, 2013)

activistfatgirl said:


> ... I've not experienced pressure to get married/have kids, but I have felt pity. There's this general sense of oh-no-youre-an-adult-without-a-partner eyebrow cocking that I'm starting to sense. The problem is, I sometimes agree and feel real bad about it. Still processing all of this, happy to have some other folks doing the same.



I'm not 30 yet (28), but I get this all the time because most of friends/family members are married and some are starting to have babies, buy their first homes, etc. Since I have no marriage prospects, I feel like my married friends - ESPECIALLY the ones with kids - are starting to treat me like I "don't get it." Like I'm still stuck in middle school, while they are in high school and thus, I cant understand their "grown up" high school issues. 

According to them, I can't understand fighting with my spouse that I live with, dealing with crazy in-laws, pregnancy issues, post-baby sex, etc. They act like I can't get it, empathize, sympathize or such so they don't want to talk to me about it. I get it, but it can be super offensive at times.


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## Cutie77015 (Aug 9, 2013)

Well, I just turned 33 and I'm still single with no children. There are times where I'm happy that I only have myself to look after and that I do not face all of the stress that most parents are going through today. Other times I look around and wonder just what the heck is wrong with me that I don't have these things. 

I keep getting asked by family and friends "when are you going to get married and have a baby already?" I say when the right person comes along it will happen. If it doesn't I just have to be okay with that. Now mind you, there's nothing wrong with staying happily single. Some people love it and can't imagine their lives any other way. Some people want the husband and 2.5 kids and they feel horrible when they don't achieve that perfect suburban life. I think that you should just need to be happy and live your life to the fullest. Travel, see the world and experience new things. After all, fairy tale endings usually happen when you least expect it.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 9, 2013)

I could have written this a year ago. I was 33 exactly an in the same situation. And last October, I got engaged. I never in a million years expected it. You never know what's going to happen!


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## ToniTails (Oct 6, 2013)

my child is the best thing that ever happened to me- i am glad i had him when i did because I was just wild and reckless enough not to think about the ramifications of having a child - i'd love to have ten more if i could - as for being single- i love being single- i'm not against a relationship, but i'm in no hurry- if it comes along... great- if not? no worries- i want something real, comfortable, and best friend with bennies-like - i'll settle for nothing less!


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## ChickletsBBW (Oct 6, 2013)

I've posted before but I'm now 37, still single and no kids.

As much as I don't want to, I've pretty much given up on the idea of meeting someone that would actually love me enough to want to marry me or even have kids.

It sux and its certainly not my wishes to be single but there are no men around here that seem to be the slightest bit interested in dating and looking for something long term. 
I've even tried getting to know someone online and then when it comes to the point of wanting to meet, they flake away and seem to be just lying and looking for some online fake attention I guess.

For any of u that have had luck meeting your significant other online, kudos to you  guess I just don't have any good luck 

I'm just trying to stay busy, but still feel I'm totally missing out when I see happy couples together, especially couples with kids. It hurts but guess I was meant to be single w/o kids.

But regardless, I'll always have a dog to make me smile and right now I've got my cute little "Princess" as my 4-legged kid 

I still wish all the single folks good luck & happiness in what they seek for


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## Jah (Oct 12, 2013)

I'm 30 and I'm married and I have no children and it seems likely I'm not going to be having kids due to health issues. I've often thought I'd love to have kids but these days I wonder if all the hassle would be worth it now that I have siblings with kids and I've seen how difficult being a parent can be.


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## indy500tchr (Oct 19, 2013)

I am 36 and won't be married until I am 37 and I hope hope hope I will be able to have kids. With age, many health problems and my size I've got a lot going against me but I going to at least try.


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## itjoe (Oct 23, 2013)

Almost 30, single, no kids, and don't want any.


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## mermaid8 (Mar 25, 2014)

being single and childless is fun when your young and in your 20's because your experiencing life and experimenting. in your 30's it's seen as irresponsible that your wandering aimlessly without moving on to the next milestone in life; moving on to the appropriate next step. 

both of my sisters (one is older and one is younger) are married with two children a piece and i'm single with no children. this would be fine if i didn't want a husband and children but i do. sometimes i feel like a disappointment to my parents and i know that they worry about how will take care of me when they are gone. they always say well i will be dead by the time you have children and get married. 

i know i'm a good girlfriend, no one is perfect, but i have a admirable qualities that any man should want. i don't want a fairy tale (they don't exist), i just want to grow old with a man - to have someone to hold my hand as we walk through the darkness and the light. loving is the best thing we humans do and if we stop doing it then humanity should just stop altogether. 

i hope there is someone for me out there in this crazy world.


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## pagan22 (Jun 16, 2014)

Just getting out of a crappy marriage, no desire to ever have kids, and happy to be single. It's just me and the dog. Life is simpler this way. Men add too much drama to an otherwise good thing.


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jun 18, 2014)

I think it's pretty funny when people act like because you're at this age, not married and do not have children that there's something wrong with you. Haha. Maybe I just didn't read the life guidebook when they were passed out by administration.


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## Sugar (Jul 22, 2014)

I find small bits of comfort being alone and without kids. My days are mine, my sleeping in is never bothered, and I never have to check with anyone to do anything. 

I figure when the big guy thinks I'm ready for love, he'll send me the right one. After all, when I'm left to decide...it's a soup sandwich all over cream suede. 

I am just thankful I'm living in an age where it's okay to be nearly 37 and single. If I were considered an old maid there would be some very disappointed people. I am a terrible maid!


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Aug 12, 2014)

I am 38, almost 39, childless and never married. I would love to get married once I finish getting my masters degree and get a better job! I've been looking for awhile off and on for a suitable partner who lives within a one-hour drive. They are not easy to find.


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## Debbie.Dlite (Sep 22, 2014)

Soon to be 36, never been married, only a 4-legged furry "kid" that I share with my ex...

I feel so-so about it: Happy to be free, but maybe I miss something wonderful?


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## FluffyButterfly80 (Sep 25, 2014)

I'm 34, never been married, and never had any kids. 
When I was younger I really wanted kids, But as I get older and having worked 10 years in daycare- i feel like i've done my duty with the raising kids thing. LOL I am,however, looking forward to meeting the guy I will spend the rest of my life with. Some days It feels like that will never happen. I'm the last of all the cousins (and my siblings) who is still single. It does feel pretty crappy at family get together still being single and having to report yet again that I am still single. 
But like others have said- I'd rather be happy and single than just be in a relationship to be in one. So until then- I'll just enjoy the freedom, i guess!


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## BigCutieLeah (Oct 9, 2014)

I can totally relate. Like most of you I'm in my mid-thirties (34) and have never been married or had children. I thought perhaps it would happen when my bf moved in about 8 months ago, but it only made us realize how different we are and though we are planning to stay together, he is moving out in two weeks. 

I am three years older than my sister and she was married at 22 and waited to have children so there was a lot of pressure on my of when will it be my turn. She's now had three children in four years and it has somewhat relieved the pressure. However, we have a huge family and are stuck in this weird 10 year age gap of our cousins. So now the oldest cousins' kids and the younger cousins are in their mid to late 20's and are getting married and talking about babies themselves. This of course just makes the older cousins, aunts, and uncles again give me the "poor fat single girl" looks and ask when I'll get married. I'm happy! I love me, I love my life, and I love my niece and nephews and though some days I wish I had my own kids, I also love spontaneous vacations and late nights and sleeping in, so I think I'm better off if not single then at least childless and if my fam or friends have a problem, eff them! It's my life and happiness, not theirs.


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