# Avoiding FAs



## Candy_Coated_Clown (Jan 19, 2008)

Now I've seen a few threads on here that focus on defining what an FA is, how one becomes an FA and especially if FAs are preferred (_which they usually seem to be by a lot of women on the board aka the norm_).

However, are there any women here that *go out of their way* to *avoid* dating or meeting FA men? If so, what would be your reasons?

Also if a man describes himself as an FA to you, what thoughts and views about him immediately come to mind? Are they negative overall? Do you generally begin to have a bad perception of him at that point and assume certain things about and the sincerity of his attraction to larger women?


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## bexy (Jan 19, 2008)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> Now I've seen a few threads on here that focus on defining what an FA is, how one becomes an FA and especially if FAs are preferred (_which they usually seem to be by a lot of women on the board aka the norm_).
> 
> However, are there any women here that *go out of their way* to *avoid* dating or meeting FA men? If so, what would be your reasons?
> 
> Also if a man describes himself as an FA to you, what thoughts and views about him immediately come to mind? Are they negative overall? Do you generally begin to have a bad perception of him at that point and assume certain things about and the sincerity of his attraction to larger women?


*
i dislike the term FA as does my BF. ive said this before, but he calls himself a BA a Bexy Admirer. Whilst he is predisposed to fancy women of size, and has never fancied a skinny girl, he doesnt like the term as he thinks it sounds as if it wouldnt matter what my personality was like, just so long as i was fat.

I personally wouldnt want to date a man i only believed liked me for my fat, but i also wouldnt want to date a man who only liked me if i was rich, or famous, or had a good ass etc. So there are FAs to whom personality is very important, and there are FAs who dont care so long as you got the flab going on.

there are a lot of preconceived notions about FAs, but the same can be said for a lot of people. You dont have to be fat to get attention from weirdos on the street, in the club or on myspace, so in that vein you dont have to be and FA to be a weirdo.

if i was single i certainly wouldnt go out of my way to avoid an FA but i also wouldnt go out to find one. rather look for a man with no "label" as such, who liked me for all of me, whether he was an FA or a RHA (red hair admirer lol)

bexy xo*


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## MadeFA (Jan 19, 2008)

When I think of myself as an FA, or a man who likes full figured women, and I think of others like me... what I am thinking is that, if I am walking down the street, the women that I am going to check out are going to be from curvier to ssbbw and I will not be checking out "thinner" women.

In a relationship, I think of myself as losing the label because one can't have a relationship based on physical interaction alone (at least, not a truly rich and long rewarding one). A relationship needs a meeting of minds/personality... all my preference does for me is limit the women who's minds and personalities I may come to know better. This is not true 100% of the time, but basically... if I get along great with a female and she is thin, we will only be friends. If she is curvier, then I'm going to buy her flowers, chocolates, and jewelry at some point 

I also think physical attraction is a great catalyst to a relationship, but finding someone that turns you on mentally and physically is the ultimate experience. I really, maybe because I am young and don't feel the pressure of finding my ultimate relationship just yet, feel terribly sad when I meet a girl that has a great physical connection with me... but for one reason or another, our personalities do not compliment one another.


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## Maxx Awesome (Jan 19, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> *
> i dislike the term FA as does my BF. ive said this before, but he calls himself a BA a Bexy Admirer. Whilst he is predisposed to fancy women of size, and has never fancied a skinny girl, he doesnt like the term as he thinks it sounds as if it wouldnt matter what my personality was like, just so long as i was fat.*


See, that's why I dislike it too.
"Who gives a damn if she's any craic or not? As long as she's fat, that's grand."
To me, that's the impression that the term FA gives out... & it just sounds dead skeevy...
Hitting it off with someone is all about personality, not looks.
Do I prefer larger women? Of course. If I didn't I wouldn't be here. But if a girl's a bitch, she's a bitch... whether she's fat or not. Nobody with any modicum of sense is going to tolerate a girl who treats them like crap just 'cause she's fat.

I've gone WAAAAAAAAAAAAY Off-topic here... sorry.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 19, 2008)

Just curious because you got me thinking.........if FAs aren't always that easy to spot, how does one "avoid" them? Just saying...........I'm more interested in the man than any label so I tend to get to know them before usually making any hardcore decisions. I never have sought a man that just seems to like fat women exclusively......that seems silly to me because I much prefer a man that prefers just me exclusively 


So, in summary, I don't exclude FAs.........I just don't seek them either.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 19, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> See, that's why I dislike it too.
> "Who gives a damn if she's any craic or not? As long as she's fat, that's grand."
> *To me, that's the impression that the term FA gives out... & it just sounds dead skeevy...*
> Hitting it off with someone is all about personality, not looks.
> ...




That has always been my one "issue" of sorts with FAs.....a man that is willing to dump me over my weight, whether he prefers me fat or thin, is all the same thing at the end of the day. It's one thing to find bigger ladies attractive but it's another to say that weight is an all out deal breaker and nothing else matters as much. 

I'm just not into men that think the whole world revolves around their penis.


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## Gspoon (Jan 19, 2008)

Not to be a sore thumb, but I think that the FA/BBW thing is taken too seriously.

I like big women, thats about it really. No more comment needed on my part.


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## mszwebs (Jan 19, 2008)

I've never gone out of my way, per se, to avoid FAs, but I think that in the back of my head, I suffer from the fear of having a "grass is always greener" syndrome...as in, what if we're happy one day and then he find someone fatter?

This stems from an experience that I had in conversation with my "first" encounter with an FA (and a fairly hardcore one at that)...someone who posts on here, but whom I will not out, because over the last few years we have become really good friends and I love him dearly. 

But he said to me, upon our first conversation via MSN, "You're stunning, aren't you...a shame you're not bigger though."

I have a hard time reconciling that comment to someone who will love me for more than the size of my ass.

So..like I said. While I don't AVOID FA's...I think long and hard about things before I jump in.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Jan 19, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Just curious because you got me thinking.........if FAs aren't always that easy to spot, how does one "avoid" them? Just saying...........I'm more interested in the man than any label so I tend to get to know them before usually making any hardcore decisions. I never have sought a man that just seems to like fat women exclusively......that seems silly to me because I much prefer a man that prefers just me exclusively
> 
> 
> So, in summary, I don't exclude FAs.........I just don't seek them either.



That's definitely a good question.

I guess some women who avoid FA's would do so if a man revealed himself to be an FA outright after she got to know him a bit more and he said more things about his physical attraction to women...OR she could just find out in some way that he generally preferred larger women without necessarily having a label for himself, although she'd see him as an FA just because he had some preference of any kind to larger women. 

The latter type who liked larger women but didn't necessarily label himself an FA could mean that the woman found out that he preferred various sizes of larger women exclusively because that is what sexually turned him on to begin a deeper relationship after he got to know a woman *OR* it could mean that he was a man that preferred larger women overall but he could find himself liking women of various sizes given that he found something interesting about them. 

I think in the latter case in above paragraph, an FA like that would not normally feel drawn sexually -initially- to thinner women, rather he'd find larger women more physically stimulating, but that didn't mean there couldn't be any exceptions or that he'd dump his partner if she got thinner for some reason. 

However, going back to the part of how a woman with this thinking would find out...this can bring up another issue.

Some women might not be comfortable with men who prefer larger women period...regardless of whether it is exclusive or generally preferential as an attraction or regardless of if he labels _himself_ an FA...because this type of woman immediately *gets suspicious of any man who claims to like larger women*. This might reveal more about her mindset and her feelings towards fatness and her own body. 

Perhaps in this context, it is hard for some women to believe a man can sincerely and with stable mind, -prefer- women of larger sizes.

I'd also like to say (generally addressed as well) that looks DO matter to everyone on some level...more or less. They do matter in the initial attraction stage and I think that's realistic to say. I never understood the claim that looks don't matter AT ALL and any hint of physical attraction which leads automatically to preferences is shallow. Doesn't seem honest to me to claim this. Maybe there are some people out there where looks don't matter _on any level_, but I'd say they'd be quite rare and I don't necessarily consider this better or more noble.

To me being truly shallow is going several steps further...in how one judges looks. I guess shallow to me is when looks *always* overwhelmingly seem to matter over _anything else_ and even in further stages of a relationship where looks should or usually become a less leading factor (but not absent) in determining true compatibility.


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## Maxx Awesome (Jan 19, 2008)

mszwebs said:


> I've never gone out of my way, per se, to avoid FAs, but I think that in the back of my head, I suffer from the fear of having a "grass is always greener" syndrome...as in, what if we're happy one day and then he find someone fatter?
> 
> This stems from an experience that I had in conversation with my "first" encounter with an FA (and a fairly hardcore one at that)...someone who posts on here, but whom I will not out, because over the last few years we have become really good friends and I love him dearly.
> 
> But he said to me, upon our first conversation via MSN, "You're stunning, aren't you...a shame you're not bigger though."


That's kind of a dick-ish thing to come out with. It's the same as saying "You'd look really good if you lost a few pounds".


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## mszwebs (Jan 19, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> That's kind of a dick-ish thing to come out with. It's the same as saying "You'd look really good if you lost a few pounds".



Lol. I'm not going to disagree with you. And while I'm "over" it, it's still there, ready to wreak havoc almost 5 years later. :doh:


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2008)

For starters, this isn't directed at any one person who's posted in this thread or on these boards period.


WHY is it considered so "weird" or "freakish" for a man to desire a woman who is fat? Why do so many woman find it distasteful or find that they don't want a man that desires their body? WHY is it considered normal when a man only dates or prefers a thin woman but when it's the complete opposite, we have issues?


History has shown us that the female form was curvacious. Mid 20th century is when the desired female form was thinner and less curvy. Why is it considered a fetish when a man loves a woman with a big belly, but yet when a man loves a woman with a six pack it's not considered a fetish. Why the double standard? 


People are people and there will always be a few rotten apples who spoil the bunch. We can't let the actions of a select few ruin our outlook on them.

Also, whose to say that our "thin" sisters don't experience the same damn thing? I'm sure if we took a poll of just women in general, about 99.9% of them would have had a bad experience with a guy about their bodies. 

I'm so sick of FAs getting a bad rap because of their preference when it's no different than a man who desires only to date thin women. 

We shouldn't be ashamed of our weight or our bodies, so why be ashamed of someone who desires it?


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## gangstadawg (Jan 19, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> For starters, this isn't directed at any one person who's posted in this thread or on these boards period.
> 
> 
> WHY is it considered so "weird" or "freakish" for a man to desire a woman who is fat? Why do so many woman find it distasteful or find that they don't want a man that desires their body? WHY is it considered normal when a man only dates or prefers a thin woman but when it's the complete opposite, we have issues?
> ...


gotta give you rep for that one


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## fatgirlflyin (Jan 19, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> For starters, this isn't directed at any one person who's posted in this thread or on these boards period.
> 
> 
> WHY is it considered so "weird" or "freakish" for a man to desire a woman who is fat? Why do so many woman find it distasteful or find that they don't want a man that desires their body? WHY is it considered normal when a man only dates or prefers a thin woman but when it's the complete opposite, we have issues?
> ...



I guess it just depends Misty. I dont think that any woman wants to be desired for their body only, I could be wrong but I've not met anyone who's said they only want to be wanted for their body. 

I'm in a relationship with a man who finds all body types attractive. Was it my body that drew him to me first? Probably, I believe that you gotta like the wrapping to want to open the present. Is my fat stomach or thighs what's keeping him with me? Nope, its not. I'm not sure that people have a problem with FA's but with that small percentage of FA's who zone in specifically on their fat body and can't relate to them in any other way. Kinda how a tit man might meet someone with large breasts and spend time talking to the woman's breast instead of her face, find reasons to rub up against her breasts or if her breasts aren't as big as he prefers, encourage her to get larger breasts. 

Notice me because of my body, I'm cool with that. Like me because I'm a cool chick. Love me for me...


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## mszwebs (Jan 19, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> Like me because I'm a cool chick. Love me for me...



Yes.......


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> I guess it just depends Misty. I dont think that any woman wants to be desired for their body only, I could be wrong but I've not met anyone who's said they only want to be wanted for their body.
> 
> ...




I love FAs but it's not because they only love my body. I think we're all in agreement that we want to be wanted for more than our bodies...but that's where the attraction starts.

I'm just saying that it thorougly pisses me off for FAs to be dogpiled or treated like circus freaks because they enjoy a larger female form when a man who enjoys a thin woman is accepted as normal.

There are going to be assholes no matter where you look..we all know that.. I'm just saying that it isn't fair for an FA to catch flack for his preference.

This next statement isn't directed at you Ella.

I think a lot of woman are so ashamed of their fat and their bodies that it freaks them completely out when a man finds them desirable. They don't see themselves as normal and therefore feel that a man who finds their "flaw" attractive must be weird or abnormal. That's clearly not the case. However, that mindset isn't going to change until these women start seeing themselves as "normal" and/or beautiful and not some hideously ugly or freakish FAT individual.


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## AnnMarie (Jan 19, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> **snipped**
> I think a lot of woman are so ashamed of their fat and their bodies that it freaks them completely out when a man finds them desirable. They don't see themselves as normal and therefore feel that a man who finds their "flaw" attractive must be weird or abnormal. That's clearly not the case. However, that mindset isn't going to change until these women start seeing themselves as "normal" and/or beautiful and not some hideously ugly or freakish FAT individual.



Nod, nod, nod.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jan 19, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> I love FAs but it's not because they only love my body. I think we're all in agreement that we want to be wanted for more than our bodies...but that's where the attraction starts.
> 
> I'm just saying that it thorougly pisses me off for FAs to be dogpiled or treated like circus freaks because they enjoy a larger female form when a man who enjoys a thin woman is accepted as normal.
> 
> ...



I dont disagree with your last statement at all! It doesn't apply to me, but I know plenty of people who do feel that way. 

I even get what you are saying about being tired of FA's being dogpiled on. I really really do. What I gotta ask you though, is do you agree that there are men out there that do only zone in on the woman's fat, that fat to them is the only important thing, and that some are downright creepy about it?

Those are the kinds of men that I think most of these ladies are talking about. I dont think they are talking about the real FA's who truly admire the fat female form. They just want all the bozos who only care about how fat they are or how fat they can get to leave them alone. 

I love when a man enjoys my fat body, I enjoy the looks of appreciation that I recieve when I notice an FA checking me out. However the last perv that rubbed up against me just to feel my fat got smacked. The last man that relegated our conversation to all things fat, got ignored. Those are the kinds of men I see people (both men and women) here complaining about. I dont think they should be referred to as FA's because I dont agree that they are FA's. Fetishists maybe, FA's not...


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 19, 2008)

_



I think a lot of woman are so ashamed of their fat and their bodies that it freaks them completely out when a man finds them desirable. They don't see themselves as normal and therefore feel that a man who finds their "flaw" attractive must be weird or abnormal. That's clearly not the case. However, that mindset isn't going to change until these women start seeing themselves as "normal" and/or beautiful and not some hideously ugly or freakish FAT individual. 

Click to expand...

_
Absolutely - positively - 100% true. But anyone who says this takes a lot of shit for saying it. I realized when I liked my body and was comfortable in it - I finally understood FA's. When *I* understood the sexiness, sensuality, the soft rolls and how sexy it was to feel my own curves - I FINALLY understood FA's.

When I first started meeting guys who liked fat women my initial reaction was one of disgust. They were freaks - OMG I didn't want to date a freak! Self love goes a LONG way to accepting someone else loving you (and your body).


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## AnnMarie (Jan 19, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> I even get what you are saying about being tired of FA's being dogpiled on. I really really do. What I gotta ask you though, is do you agree that there are men out there that do only zone in on the woman's fat, that fat to them is the only important thing, and that some are downright creepy about it?




I know you asked Misty, but I'm going to jump on in and say that YES... of course those men are out there. No question. 

I would, however, NEVER refer to those people as FAs. They're not. They can call themselves whatever they like, but they don't fit any definition I have based on the many wonderful guys I know and love, who are seeing/married to friends, who I've dated/am dating, etc. 

This is where the problem lies, IMO. The using FA as a catch all term for any guy who'd "do" a fat chick. That isn't the right definition. 

And yes, even among those who may qualify as FA in my book, there are a few who are way too fixated on an aspect that is specific or out there - but I know a LOT of chicks who might enjoy that fixation, so we're back to my lid for every pot theory. 



Ella Bella said:


> Those are the kinds of men that I think most of these ladies are talking about. I dont think they are talking about the real FA's who truly admire the fat female form. They just want all the bozos who only care about how fat they are or how fat they can get to leave them alone.



Exactly - bozos. Not real FAs.


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## CleverBomb (Jan 19, 2008)

Dang, dished a lot of rep on this one.
Ella -- one heck of a closing line.
mszwebs -- yep.
Misty -- well-said. 

I think the underlying issue is this:
There's a common assumption (fed by societal norms) that if you're overweight, nobody would be interested in you sexually, so any interest is presumptively more profound.
The existence of FAs flips this defense mechanism on its head -- that is, they very well may want you JUST for your body... 
I'm pretty sure that FAs run the typical range from scoundrel to saint, in the same proportions as the rest of the population. But if you're not expecting the scoundrels, you may be in for a shock. On the other hand, if your early experience is with the scoundrels, that brush may tar all FAs (including the saints and even the regular joes).

-Rusty


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> I dont disagree with your last statement at all! It doesn't apply to me, but I know plenty of people who do feel that way.
> 
> I even get what you are saying about being tired of FA's being dogpiled on. I really really do. What I gotta ask you though, is do you agree that there are men out there that do only zone in on the woman's fat, that fat to them is the only important thing, and that some are downright creepy about it?



OH most definitely...I'm just saying that there are men who desire thin women who can be just as creepy. 

I'm saying that..yes..there are some crazies in the group..but not EVERY FA is like that..and they don't deserved to be generalized or sterotyped along with the creeps.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jan 19, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> Exactly - bozos. Not real FAs.




I agree, and I think that's where the problem is. These men keep getting identified as FA's. Both by themselves and the women that come in contact with them. Its kind of an ugly cycle ya know, men like that identify themselves as an FA to women who may be new to the whole size acceptance scene, so all they know of an FA is what those guys showed to them. So they are too freaked out to allow a real FA (if he chooses to call himself one) to enter into their lives. Because of this many women dont get to know what it feels like to have someone in their lives who truly does enjoy their body, fat and all.


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## CleverBomb (Jan 19, 2008)

I think we're talking about the difference between FAs and Fat-Fetishists.

And this is totally excluding the opportunistic exploitative fakes (which could take up a thread of its own...)

-Rusty


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> I agree, and I think that's where the problem is. These men keep getting identified as FA's. Both by themselves and the women that come in contact with them. Its kind of an ugly cycle ya know, men like that identify themselves as an FA to women who may be new to the whole size acceptance scene, so all they know of an FA is what those guys showed to them. So they are too freaked out to allow a real FA (if he chooses to call himself one) to enter into their lives. *Because of this many women dont get to know what it feels like to have someone in their lives who truly does enjoy their body, fat and all.*



Exactly!....


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## mszwebs (Jan 19, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> I love FAs but it's not because they only love my body. I think we're all in agreement that we want to be wanted for more than our bodies...but that's where the attraction starts.
> 
> I'm just saying that it thorougly pisses me off for FAs to be dogpiled or treated like circus freaks because they enjoy a larger female form when a man who enjoys a thin woman is accepted as normal.
> 
> ...




Ok. I know that you were not talking to anyone in particular in either of your comments...but I feel I need respond from my own perspective.

I don't kow if you've ever been told you're too skinny...but it's very similar to being told you're too fat. Some people can blow it off... and some people start to question whether or not they fit in ANYWHERE, even if it's a paranoid, ridiculous question. If I'm too fat for "regular" society, but too skinny for an FA...(and I make that statement knowing, obviously the subjectiveness of preference and the fact that there, are in fact, guys that like me...lol)

I enjoy my body the way it is, and I am perfectly at home with others who think the same way. All I'm saying is that after having been called too thin..after having been ignored at the size that I am in favor of girls who were even a little bit bigger than I am...after having been told that I'm "not supersized" even though some 30/32s hardly fit me...it's sometimes hard to look at a man who appreciates my curves and not wonder if my curves are really curvy enough.

And for the record...I DO like FA's. I dont see them as freaks...we all like what we like. I just had my first experience be...an interesting one, and it _has_ affected the way I see men.


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Absolutely - positively - 100% true. But anyone who says this takes a lot of shit for saying it. I realized when I liked my body and was comfortable in it - I finally understood FA's. When *I* understood the sexiness, sensuality, the soft rolls and how sexy it was to feel my own curves - I FINALLY understood FA's.
> 
> *When I first started meeting guys who liked fat women my initial reaction was one of disgust. They were freaks - OMG I didn't want to date a freak! Self love goes a LONG way to accepting someone else loving you (and your body*).



Amen...AAAAAAAMMMEEEENNNN


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2008)

mszwebs said:


> it's sometimes hard to look at a man who appreciates my curves and not wonder if my curves are really curvy enough.



I think that's an issue for women no matter their size or how much they weigh. I've been told that I'm too fat and I've been told that I'm not fat enough. It's never easy to hear that someone isn't attracted to you as is, but that's when you just have to move on and know that there is someone who will be attracted to you as you are.


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## ripley (Jan 19, 2008)

Where was anyone dogpiling FAs? I hear people say this a lot, but I've never seen an anti-FA dogpile around here. I see a lot of discussion, but never have I seen anyone, across the board, say all FAs are bad.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 19, 2008)

I'm not going to say this to anyone in particular but to everyone in general. Can we all just relax about the FA vs Fetish thing? C'mon everyone is different - everyone likes something different none of it is wrong - it just is. If you meet a freak (in your opinion) move on and don't categorize all men who like fat women as freaks. He may be another woman's Prince.

Dating sucks - for both men and women. Preconceived notions of who other's are based on old experiences are poison to starting a new relationship. I wish we could give each other a break and have more fun. JMO.


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## ripley (Jan 19, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I'm not going to say this to anyone in particular but to everyone in general. Can we all just relax about the FA vs Fetish thing?



It's an important distinction to some of us, Sandie, and I for one am not going to stop making that distinction just because others might not agree.


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## mossystate (Jan 19, 2008)

ripley said:


> Where was anyone dogpiling FAs? I hear people say this a lot, but I've never seen an anti-FA dogpile around here. I see a lot of discussion, but never have I seen anyone, across the board, say all FAs are bad.




Dimensions very own urban legend.


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2008)

ripley said:


> Where was anyone dogpiling FAs? I hear people say this a lot, but I've never seen an anti-FA dogpile around here. I see a lot of discussion, but never have I seen anyone, across the board, say all FAs are bad.



It's not occurring in this thread, but it's happened before. I don't feel like spending the time it would take to find all the posts/threads but there have been issues in the past.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 19, 2008)

ripley said:


> It's an important distinction to some of us, Sandie, and I for one am not going to stop making that distinction just because others might not agree.




Why? What's a fetish to some is nothing to another. You want to make an issue out of something that doesn't have to be - go for it.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jan 19, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I'm not going to say this to anyone in particular but to everyone in general. Can we all just relax about the FA vs Fetish thing? C'mon everyone is different - everyone likes something different none of it is wrong - it just is. If you meet a freak (in your opinion) move on and don't categorize all men who like fat women as freaks. He may be another woman's Prince.
> 
> Dating sucks - for both men and women. Preconceived notions of who other's are based on old experiences are poison to starting a new relationship. I wish we could give each other a break and have more fun. JMO.




The problem is Sandie, that men who really are only festishists are promoting themselves as FA's. They then in turn, taint some womens views on what an FA really is.


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## mszwebs (Jan 19, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> I think that's an issue for women no matter their size or how much they weigh. I've been told that I'm too fat and I've been told that I'm not fat enough. It's never easy to hear that someone isn't attracted to you as is, but that's when you just have to move on and know that there is someone who will be attracted to you as you are.



I DO agree with you. But I think the thing that made it weird was because he DID like me the way I was - and still does, by the way - but expressing a wish that I was bigger made me see that I couldn't have anything more than a friendship with him because if, after 10 minutes of chatting he already wished i was bigger, it immediately made me feel not good enough.

I think that if he would have waited, and brought it up later it may not have had quite the same effect. It's all in the timing...lol.


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## ripley (Jan 19, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Why? What's a fetish to some is nothing to another. You want to make an issue out of something that doesn't have to be - go for it.



You're the one who brings it up every time someone ELSE has a problem with it. I think that makes it *your* issue.


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## CleverBomb (Jan 19, 2008)

ripley said:


> Where was anyone dogpiling FAs? I hear people say this a lot, but I've never seen an anti-FA dogpile around here. I see a lot of discussion, but never have I seen anyone, across the board, say all FAs are bad.


I want a Pro-FA Dogpile.
Or even an amateur one, for the ladies.
-Rusty


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> The problem is Sandie, that men who really are only festishists are promoting themselves as FA's. They then in turn, taint some womens views on what an FA really is.



That's why a place like Dimensions is so important and women like you, me, AnnMarie, Sandie and many of the other women who have had great experiences with FAs tell our stories and be here to answer questions or give advice on the issue.

That's why statements that seem to generalize or stereotype men really bother me. A lot of women haven't had an experience with an FA or have had a really bad one and their outlook is tainted. Dimensions offers various viewpoints, ideas, etc on being and dating fat.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 19, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> The problem is Sandie, that men who really are only festishists are promoting themselves as FA's. They then in turn, taint some womens views on what an FA really is.



That may be so. And I have to say it's been a looooooong time since I dated however, I never met the amount of freaks some of the women here talk about meeting. And perhaps if I did meet the same men to me they would just be another colorful character in the world of SA. I knew a guy who wanted a 1000 lb woman, would settle for nothing less and he even had blue prints of the house he would build for his sweetie. It had an indoor mote that went from room to room so his sweetie could float from room to room. I thought he was a hoot!!

I think perspective is important in these cases. He wasn't my cup of tea. *check please!*. And I moved on. He didn't sour my opinion of all FA's.


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2008)

mszwebs said:


> I DO agree with you. But I think the thing that made it weird was because he DID like me the way I was - and still does, by the way - but expressing a wish that I was bigger made me see that I couldn't have anything more than a friendship with him because if, after 10 minutes of chatting he already wished i was bigger, it immediately made me feel not good enough.
> 
> I think that if he would have waited, and brought it up later it may not have had quite the same effect. It's all in the timing...lol.



If he wished you were anything than what you were at that moment..he didn't like you the way you were babe..sorry.

Of course, he could have had a bit more class and kept him to himself, but a lot of people have that whole foot-in-mouth disease.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 19, 2008)

ripley said:


> You're the one who brings it up every time someone ELSE has a problem with it. I think that makes it *your* issue.



Really? I thought I was having a discussion. Your anger is palpable Ripley. Why are you so angry?


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## mossystate (Jan 19, 2008)

Geez, I know the difference between a creep..and a nice man..no matter what ' type ' of woman he happens to enjoy. I will say that FA's who DO look at fat as a fetish....for ME...me..me..me..me...they are creeps. It's a no brainer to say that there are creeps of every and all persuasions. I think an over sensitivity ( and I do understand where it comes from ) has some so on guard if anything negative at all is said about CERTAIN types. If you know what you are..and what you like..it really does become less fraught with.....issues. I know...a rocky road...to be sure.


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## ripley (Jan 19, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> That's why a place like *Dimensions is so important and women like you, me, AnnMarie, Sandie and many of the other women who have had great experiences with FAs tell our stories and be here to answer questions or give advice on the issue.*
> 
> That's why statements that seem to generalize or stereotype men really bother me. A lot of women haven't had an experience with an FA or have had a really bad one and their outlook is tainted. Dimensions offers various viewpoints, ideas, etc on being and dating fat.



You know, I find this interesting. (The part in bold.) Especially compared to the post by RedVelvet in the "FAs made me want to lose weight" thread, saying that she had to come _*here*_ before she met "bad" FAs. It seems there is quite a disparity in experience here. Why does one experience have to be more valid than the other? Can't we present both, and discuss them, without people getting all up in arms?


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## ripley (Jan 19, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Really? I thought I was having a discussion. Your anger is palpable Ripley. Why are you so angry?



I'm not angry at all, and I am not sure why you think I am. You just told everybody to shut up about it, and it struck me as funny because every time it comes up you're in the thick of it, saying your side. Everyone else has a right to choose the other side, if they want to.


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## CleverBomb (Jan 19, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> If he wished you were anything than what you were at that moment..he didn't like you the way you were babe..sorry.
> 
> Of course, he could have had a bit more class and kept him to himself, but a lot of people have that whole foot-in-mouth disease.


Dang, I can't rep Misty again.

Concise.
On-point.
Good one.


-Rusty


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 19, 2008)

> Can't we present both, and discuss them, without people getting all up in arms?



I could ask you the same thing Ripley? You came into this thread ready to fight. But honestly I don't have the energy tonight - I've been sick all day - I need to be up early so I need sleep.

Honestly I'm tired of the whole conversation in general.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jan 19, 2008)

ripley said:


> You know, I find this interesting. (The part in bold.) Especially compared to the post by RedVelvet in the "FAs made me want to lose weight" thread, saying that she had to come _*here*_ before she met "bad" FAs. It seems there is quite a disparity in experience here. Why does one experience have to be more valid than the other? Can't we present both, and discuss them, without people getting all up in arms?




I know what you are saying here Rip. I think that creepy guys seem more prevalent online because the internet comes with a cloak of anonymity and people can say what they want, no hold barred. I've come across way more creepy people in general online than I have in real life.


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## ripley (Jan 19, 2008)

I'm not fighting. Just because I choose say that there is another side to your coin, Sandie, does not mean I am angry, dislike you, want to fight, etc. I am putting my views forth in a polite way, I'm not sure what else you require?


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 19, 2008)

ripley said:


> You know, I find this interesting. (The part in bold.) Especially compared to the post by RedVelvet in the "FAs made me want to lose weight" thread, saying that she had to come _*here*_ before she met "bad" FAs. It seems there is quite a disparity in experience here. Why does one experience have to be more valid than the other? Can't we present both, and discuss them, without people getting all up in arms?



Most definitely, and one experience isn't more important than the other. However, sometimes there seem to be more bad experiences than good and people seem to get caught up in that fact. That seems to be the point when things become over-generalized and sterotypes run rampant.

It's not always sunshine and lollipops..but it's not always creeps and jackasses either.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 19, 2008)

ripley said:


> I'm not angry at all, and I am not sure why you think I am. You just told everybody to shut up about it, and it struck me as funny because every time it comes up you're in the thick of it, saying your side. Everyone else has a right to choose the other side, if they want to.



See now you want to put words in my mouth. I said can't we all calm down. 

Ya know what think what you want I don't give a shit right now. And if you are happy thinking the way you do about FA's - more power Ripley. 

You want me to shut up because you don't like my opinion. TOUGH!


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 19, 2008)

ripley said:


> I'm not fighting. Just because I choose say that there is another side to your coin, Sandie, does not mean I am angry, dislike you, want to fight, etc. I am putting my views forth in a polite way, I'm not sure what else you require?



No Ripley - you are condiscending - smart alec and looking for a fight.

Now - go bother someone else - I'm going to bed.


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## ripley (Jan 19, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> See now you want to put words in my mouth. I said can't we all calm down.
> 
> Ya know what think what you want I don't give a shit right now. And if you are happy thinking the way you do about FA's - more power Ripley.
> 
> You want me to shut up because you don't like my opinion. TOUGH!



Whoa...I think you need to take your own advice and calm down. 

You said to not bring up the FA vs. Fetishist thing anymore, Sandie. To me that was equivalent to saying "shut up" but you are right, I should have quoted you directly and not paraphrased. 

I don't think you have a clue how I feel about FAs, actually. 

I don't want you to shut up at all, and I never said that. I said that I think you shouldn't tell others to not give their opinion when you are expressing your own.


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## Suze (Jan 19, 2008)

I dont avoid them and I dont think theyre all freaks. Some of them are actually really nice. 

At the same time Im perfectly fine without someone who admirers my fat thankyeew. I wouldnt feel comfortable being with someone who called themselves an FA. Too much focus on the fat IMO. 
I guess Im a fan of guys who loves women in general and not just one specific type of women.


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## mszwebs (Jan 19, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> If he wished you were anything than what you were at that moment..he didn't like you the way you were babe..sorry.
> 
> Of course, he could have had a bit more class and kept him to himself, but a lot of people have that whole foot-in-mouth disease.



lol...you're probably right on both counts. It's just easier to see it a little more rose coloured being that he has since appologized after realizing that he was being a choad. he was also 19 at the time, so he's had a little time to mature as well...lol.


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## ripley (Jan 19, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> No Ripley - you are condiscending - smart alec and looking for a fight.
> 
> Now - go bother someone else - I'm going to bed.



And you, Sandie, are overly sensitive and cannot discuss anything rationally without getting half-hysterical. And it's spelled condescending. 

I always imagine people floating around in a pool, talking things out...and here you cannonball in, splash about for a half hour, getting everyone else right in the face with big dramatic splashes, and then saying "You know what? I'm tired of this! I'm done with it! I can't swim anymore! I'm going to bed!!" and riding your Huffy bike right on out of there. It's kind of a relief, so we can go back to our nice calm chat, where everyone can hear each other's voices and it isn't muffled by your splashing.

You ought to take a page out of Misty's book...she feels strongly about this, but still can discuss other people's opinion in a polite and rational way.


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## mossystate (Jan 19, 2008)

Thank you..


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## AnnMarie (Jan 19, 2008)

Sandie/Ripley, I can't see you coming to a meeting of the minds on this, and politely as I can - it's derailing the thread quite a bit. 

Maybe this can all be tabled to get on with the topic at hand?

Thank you.


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## bexy (Jan 19, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> I know what you are saying here Rip. I think that creepy guys seem more prevalent online because the internet comes with a cloak of anonymity and people can say what they want, no hold barred. I've come across way more creepy people in general online than I have in real life.



*i completely agree with this!! the net offers the chance to be as anonymous as you choose to be and that brings problems, of course not limited to FA's, to all types of people, as we unfortunately get to see in the news way too often. thats why you have to try to take most of what happens online, at least initally, with a pinch of salt. 


i also want to add with reference to some earlier posts, i've never found it odd that a man would like me because of my size as even from an early age i have held the mindset different strokes for different folks, so ive never thought of fat admiration as weird in anyway. 
however the one remotely plus size friend i do have thinks FAs are weird. she thinks they are all out to take the piss out of her because of her weight, and that they think she is easy because of her weight, she doesnt genuinely believe men like big women. but that is a self esteem issue and because she has met some dicky men in her time. but its experiences like this that lead people to hold bad ideas about FAs.*


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 19, 2008)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> That's definitely a good question.
> 
> I guess some women who avoid FA's would do so if a man revealed himself to be an FA outright after she got to know him a bit more and he said more things about his physical attraction to women...OR she could just find out in some way that he generally preferred larger women without necessarily having a label for himself, although she'd see him as an FA just because he had some preference of any kind to larger women.



You know, in actuality, I DO wonder if a guy likes bigger women when I am interested in one........for obvious reasons. It is an essential in the dating world however, not all men like big women or thin women exclusively. I tend to be with this type of man........and I didn't look for them. They chose me first in the pursuit- I just accepted after I felt comfortable with him. 


Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> The latter type who liked larger women but didn't necessarily label himself an FA could mean that the woman found out that he preferred various sizes of larger women exclusively because that is what sexually turned him on to begin a deeper relationship after he got to know a woman *OR* it could mean that he was a man that preferred larger women overall* but he could find himself liking women of various sizes given that he found something interesting about them. *



Why I tend to like guys that like varying sizes........I am that way and understand the mindset of a man with likewise thinking/feelings- I choose the person- not the size and want a man to be the same with me. 



Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> I think in the latter case in above paragraph, an FA like that would not normally feel drawn sexually -initially- to thinner women, rather he'd find larger women more physically stimulating, but that didn't mean there couldn't be any exceptions or that he'd dump his partner if she got thinner for some reason.


I like thin men myself- not all- some I see as "too skinny" but a man's weight isn't really my requirement for dating......I like men of varying sizes because I believe good men come in all shapes and sizes - as women do, as well. 
Also I do NOT think that I "settle" when I find myself attracted to a larger man because I find the overall package enticing- I want a man to do the same and care for more than my fat ass. I have tried to have relationships with men that seemed to enjoy me more physically than mentally/emotionally. Those were hurtful and bad relationships- even though a man finding me attractive physically is wonderful in itself. It's simply not enough to sustain a relationship. I want a lasting relationship.



Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> However, going back to the part of how a woman with this thinking would find out...this can bring up another issue.
> 
> Some women might not be comfortable with men who prefer larger women period...regardless of whether it is exclusive or generally preferential as an attraction or regardless of if he labels _himself_ an FA...because this type of woman immediately *gets suspicious of any man who claims to like larger women*. This might reveal more about her mindset and her feelings towards fatness and her own body.
> 
> Perhaps in this context, it is hard for some women to believe a man can sincerely and with stable mind, -prefer- women of larger sizes.



What you just described here seems like more of a problem with a woman hating herself than with an FA- period 

:blink:



Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> I'd also like to say (generally addressed as well) that looks DO matter to everyone on some level...more or less. They do matter in the initial attraction stage and I think that's realistic to say. I never understood the claim that looks don't matter AT ALL and any hint of physical attraction which leads automatically to preferences is shallow. Doesn't seem honest to me to claim this. Maybe there are some people out there where looks don't matter _on any level_, but I'd say they'd be quite rare and I don't necessarily consider this better or more noble.
> 
> To me being truly shallow is going several steps further...in how one judges looks. I guess shallow to me is when looks *always* overwhelmingly seem to matter over _anything else_ and even in further stages of a relationship where looks should or usually become a less leading factor (but not absent) in determining true compatibility.




I have to concur that looks do matter to everyone on some level- just seems that they matter wayyyyyyyyyyy too much to some more than others, if you get what I'm saying. I prefer a clean, nicely dressed man that is clean shaven- I don't think I'm wrong for that preference- anymore than it's wrong for a guy to dig the fat chicks. However, what if I judged him solely on his clothes? What if I thought he should spend more money on clothes and drive a better car? Now wouldn't that be shallow? A man dating based upon ass size as his number one priority seems pretty damn shallow too.


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## ripley (Jan 19, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> Sandie/Ripley, I can't see you coming to a meeting of the minds on this, and politely as I can - it's derailing the thread quite a bit.
> 
> Maybe this can all be tabled to get on with the topic at hand?
> 
> Thank you.





Sorry, will do.


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## GWARrior (Jan 19, 2008)

why cant fat admiration be considered a fetish?


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## troubadours (Jan 19, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> I love FAs but it's not because they only love my body. I think we're all in agreement that we want to be wanted for more than our bodies...but that's where the attraction starts.
> 
> I'm just saying that it thorougly pisses me off for FAs to be dogpiled or treated like circus freaks because they enjoy a larger female form when a man who enjoys a thin woman is accepted as normal.
> 
> ...



i totally agree with all of the above. 

i just want to add that while i acknowledge there are some.. not so awesome FAs (creepiness-wise), but i don't rule this out as an "FA" specific thing. i wouldn't let a persistant creepy FA make me want to hate every FA ever.

also, i think "FA" sounds stupid. i also think "BBW" is a stupid term. i don't have any suggestions for anything better, but yeah. i don't like the abbreviations.


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## ripley (Jan 19, 2008)

troubadours said:


> i totally agree with all of the above.
> 
> i just want to add that while i acknowledge there are some.. not so awesome FAs (creepiness-wise), but i don't rule this out as an "FA" specific thing. i wouldn't let a persistant creepy FA make me want to hate every FA ever.
> 
> also, i think "FA" sounds stupid. i also think "BBW" is a stupid term. i don't have any suggestions for anything better, but yeah. i don't like the abbreviations.



You know, we have this discussion a lot! No one seems to find anything better than FA or BBW so we kinda fall back on them. We should have a contest or something, lol.


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## FAjastone (Jan 19, 2008)

MadeFA said:


> When I think of myself as an FA, or a man who likes full figured women, and I think of others like me... what I am thinking is that, if I am walking down the street, the women that I am going to check out are going to be from curvier to ssbbw and I will not be checking out "thinner" women.
> 
> In a relationship, I think of myself as losing the label because one can't have a relationship based on physical interaction alone (at least, not a truly rich and long rewarding one). A relationship needs a meeting of minds/personality... all my preference does for me is limit the women who's minds and personalities I may come to know better. This is not true 100% of the time, but basically... if I get along great with a female and she is thin, we will only be friends. If she is curvier, then I'm going to buy her flowers, chocolates, and jewelry at some point
> 
> I also think physical attraction is a great catalyst to a relationship, but finding someone that turns you on mentally and physically is the ultimate experience. I really, maybe because I am young and don't feel the pressure of finding my ultimate relationship just yet, feel terribly sad when I meet a girl that has a great physical connection with me... but for one reason or another, our personalities do not compliment one another.



I agree whole heartedly. I wish I was attracted to thin and curvy women.


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## The Orange Mage (Jan 19, 2008)

I think the following is obvious, but I'll just take a strike while the iron is hot...

---

There are two types of FAs in this case.

1. Those who are only interested in a physical relationship with a woman's body and not the woman herself...THESE are the ones that no one here wants to associate with.

2. Those who are just looking for normal relationships but happen to like the larger female form. These are the GOOD FAs.

---

Now, as for the whole "is it a fetish?" question, I'd say not really. Why? "Fetish" is like the word "Cult," it's just used to describe something (in this case, a sexual preference) that is not mainstream, just like "Cult" is used for non-mainstream religions.

The thing you gotta do though is just have some damn self-control and not run your mouth about how much you'd love your woman's ass/belly/breasts/thighs to suddenly get bigger...no matter how much it's true. Ask about HER fantasies or something instead.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jan 19, 2008)

FAjastone said:


> I agree whole heartedly. I wish I was attracted to thin and curvy women.



See now what was the point of that comment?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 19, 2008)

ripley said:


> You know, I find this interesting. (The part in bold.) Especially compared to the post by RedVelvet in the "FAs made me want to lose weight" thread, saying that she had to come _*here*_ before she met "bad" FAs. It seems there is quite a disparity in experience here. Why does one experience have to be more valid than the other? *Can't we present both, and discuss them, without people getting all up in arms?*



Amen to the Goddess that goes by the screen name Ripley :bow:


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## troubadours (Jan 19, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> See now what was the point of that comment?



seriously.  i'm mad at that.

it's bad enough that fat women have to deal with asshole friends/relatives/the public in general who put us down and make us feel bad for who we are. we seriously don't need FA's voicing their regrets here, where it's actually ok for us to feel good about ourselves.


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## LoveBHMS (Jan 20, 2008)

> I knew a guy who wanted a 1000 lb woman, would settle for nothing less and he even had blue prints of the house he would build for his sweetie. It had an indoor mote that went from room to room so his sweetie could float from room to room. I thought he was a hoot!!
> 
> I think perspective is important in these cases. He wasn't my cup of tea. *check please!*. And I moved on. He didn't sour my opinion of all FA's.



A moat? That's just awesome. I think every guy who tells his girlfriend if she gains weight he'll buy her some new *clothes* needs to meet this one. Because the woman should just be like "Yeah? clothes? Fuck that. I want you to build a new house with a moat."


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## Chimpi (Jan 20, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> WHY is it considered so "weird" or "freakish" for a man to desire a woman who is fat? Why do so many woman find it distasteful or find that they don't want a man that desires their body? WHY is it considered normal when a man only dates or prefers a thin woman but when it's the complete opposite, we have issues?



Maybe it is possible that these women are not content with their own bodies or experiences they've had due to their body size? I'm not saying that is always why, just a thought as to why some women might struggle with it. If I did not enjoy my body as it is, and a woman wanted me solely or largely because of my body size, I would be off-put because of the disgust with my own self.

Unfortunately, a very large part of the world we live in is not aware or readily accepting of the "Size Acceptance / Fat Acceptance" community. These people believe that thin women are the only beautiful and attractive women (obvious generalization). Many, many men fall into this category as well. That is why it is widely acceptable and normal to be only attracted to thin women. Unfortunately, it is a fact of the world we live in.
Fortunately for us, we know better. We're more accepting. I'm happy to know that and live with the mind that I live with. 



MisticalMisty said:


> History has shown us that the female form was curvacious. Mid 20th century is when the desired female form was thinner and less curvy. Why is it considered a fetish when a man loves a woman with a big belly, but yet when a man loves a woman with a six pack it's not considered a fetish. Why the double standard?



Same general reasons as above.
To clarify, I think back in the mid 20th century, a larger female form was desirable mostly because that meant a higher class. A higher class meant more benefits, riches, and an easier life. Times have changed drastically, and desires have become much more sexual than circumstance and class position. That's an unfortunate fact of the world we live in as well (in my opinion, of course).

... I tried to find the post where someone expressed a tiredness with women having a first bad experience and thinking most "Fat Admirers" desire them solely for their body size. I apologize if none of this is relevant, but I wanted to address this.
As Sandie stated, self acceptance and self esteem have a lot to do with the acceptance of other people. Especially when it comes to them being interested in you. I think it's true that most, if not all of the women on this web board started out hating their body because of the current standard for weight. I think it is also true that most women have taken a very long time to come to terms with who they are as a woman of size. If you (a general 'you') had a bad experience first, and have had no previous knowledge of what a true "Fat Admirer" or a person of acceptance is, it's only normal to conclude that you might be skeptical when it comes to "Fat Admirers" in the future.
It is yet another unfortunate fact of this world - Nice guys finish last. I hope that you (I'm thinking it was you, Misty, that expressed the tiresome of what I am talking about) come to terms with it soon and are less tired when it comes to that. Just be glad that you are open minded as you are.  And hopefully you can continue to share your riches in terms of experience and knowledge of self / size / fat acceptance.


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 20, 2008)

GWARrior said:


> why cant fat admiration be considered a fetish?



It can be for some people, but the term in itself can't be considered a fetish, because of the diversity of how the trait lies within people.

There's a difference between a person liking a larger figure on their partner to some degree, and objectively finding that object on any person of the gender(s) admired to always be better, if not best.


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## Chimpi (Jan 20, 2008)

Actually, of course I may be wrong, but I am sure most of the mainstream world will consider fat admiration a fetish...
Obviously you and I know otherwise, Jon. But I think that most people will find it unusual, sexual to the extreme, and definitely a fetish.


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## CleverBomb (Jan 20, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> A moat? That's just awesome. I think every guy who tells his girlfriend if she gains weight he'll buy her some new *clothes* needs to meet this one. Because the woman should just be like "Yeah? clothes? Fuck that. I want you to build a new house with a moat."


Ok, minus points to that fellow for poor vocabulary.
It might have seemed almost romantic if he'd referred to the water-filled pathways as canals....

The humorist Robert Benchley, arriving in Venice for the first time, cabled Harold Ross, editor of The New Yorker:
STREETS FULL OF WATER. PLEASE ADVISE.

Still, just a wee bit over the top, there.

-Rusty


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Jan 20, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Actually, of course I may be wrong, but I am sure most of the mainstream world will consider fat admiration a fetish...
> Obviously you and I know otherwise, Jon. *But I think that most people will find it unusual, sexual to the extreme, and definitely a fetish.*



Exactly, because yeah...no one can actually be attracted to a fat bodied person unless they are mentally or psychologically unstable...or can't get any better. 

It's precisely for the reasons you mentioned in your other post that many people would consider this preference or branch of attraction as a fetish or something very weird and *abnormal*...even full figured women themselves, who have a hard time believing that larger body types can actually be preferred and truly desired by others. _"Huh!? What's wrong you with?! You actually LIKE my fat? Something IS wrong with you! This is disgusting and I do not believe you. I know you really want a thin woman, so stop fucking around with me and leave me alone."_

This is also why people don't question others who normally have a preference for thin bodied individuals...particularly women. Because it's expected, considered normal and understandable.


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## Suze (Jan 20, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> See, that's why I dislike it too.
> "Who gives a damn if she's any craic or not? As long as she's fat, that's grand."
> To me, that's the impression that the term FA gives out... & it just sounds dead skeevy...
> Hitting it off with someone is all about personality, not looks.
> ...




See? This is one of the reasons why I like you so much  (and erase that last sentence pleaiiz.)

I feel I must add something to my previous post: I have never been with an FA. So actually, I have zero experience. But I have learned a lot from this board and… it’s mostly the bellyrub, squashing etc. part of it I can’t handle. Too me, that is fetishism. (Which I’m generally not a fan of)


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## LoveBHMS (Jan 20, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> Ok, minus points to that fellow for poor vocabulary.
> It might have seemed almost romantic if he'd referred to the water-filled pathways as canals....
> 
> The humorist Robert Benchley, arriving in Venice for the first time, cabled Harold Ross, editor of The New Yorker:
> ...



I know but....blueprints!

What about all those FAs who get accused of not really thinking about what fat women go through on a day to day basis? Or feeders who don't think ahead?

This guy would tell some woman he wants her to weigh a thousand pounds and when she points out that she couldn't walk, he could whip out the blueprints and say "I've got that covered."

I'd love to see the contracter's face when s/he sees the blueprints to build that house.


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## Chimpi (Jan 20, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> What about all those FAs who get accused of not really thinking about what fat women go through on a day to day basis? Or feeders who don't think ahead?



To actually answer these questions (sorry, no blue prints to follow ):

Those "Fat Admirers" that do not think what fat women go through on a day to day basis are selfish. It's also possible that some women in the past may have spoiled them to some extent when it comes to indulging in the sexual desires.

Same with feeders that do not think ahead: Selfish, but also possibly spoiled due to past experiences.

It's all subjective. Life is wonderful that way!


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## CleverBomb (Jan 20, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> I know but....blueprints!
> 
> What about all those FAs who get accused of not really thinking about what fat women go through on a day to day basis? Or feeders who don't think ahead?
> 
> ...


As I said, with my usual flair for understatement...
A little bit over the top. 
Give the fellow credit for imagination (and way too much time on his hands)
*chuckle*

-Rusty


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 20, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Actually, of course I may be wrong, but I am sure most of the mainstream world will consider fat admiration a fetish...
> Obviously you and I know otherwise, Jon. But I think that most people will find it unusual, sexual to the extreme, and definitely a fetish.



That has no link to the definition of a fetish though. 

(I know you understand that.)

"Sexual fetishism is the sexual attraction for material and terrestrial objects while in reality the essence of the object is inanimate and sexless. Body parts may also be subject to sexual fetishes (also known as partialism) in which the preferred body part for the fetishist takes a sexual precedent over the owner. Sexual fetishism may be regarded as a disorder of sexual preference, or as an enhancing element to a relationship."

I do agree that society is stupid, and they've corrupted it in more ways than one. We've gone from spiritual object adoration, to psychosexual attraction to objects that are sexless, and we think popularity has something to do with it? Can't we think of another term to use? What the f***? 

But now that I think of that definition: Maybe it isn't in a lot of cases. It says that in order for something to be a fetish, it has to be sexless. There's a variety of reasons that fat was/is seen as attractive, and one of them is on the sexual level. Your statements about the history behind it were true, but fertility as well as aesthetic beauty was also a component of that interpretation of fat partners having enhanced attractiveness. So maybe if that was seen in similar light, it wouldn't be?

Let me take an excerpt from the breast section:
"Breasts play an important part in human sexual behavior. They are one of most visible or obvious female secondary sex characteristics,[9] and play an important role in sexual attraction of partners, and pleasure of the individual. On sexual arousal breast size increases, venous patterns across the breasts become more visible, and nipples harden. During sexual intercourse it is common practice to press or massage breasts with hands, breasts are sensitive to touch as they have many nerve endings[10]. Oral stimulation of nipples and breasts is also common. Some women can achieve breast orgasms. In the ancient Indian work the Kama Sutra, marking breasts with nails and biting with teeth are explained as erotic[11]."

Breasts aren't a primary sexual characteristic: They're secondary. Also in the group are:

* shorter stature, on average
* lower waist to hip ratio, on average
* wider in hips[3]
* less facial hair
* higher voice
* more subcutaneous fat
* fat deposits mainly around the buttocks, thighs and hips ("pear shape")
* smoother skin texture
* higher digit ratio, on average[citation needed]


Hmmm..... That still sounds biased since we're talking direct areas without subjectivity being involved, but fat is included in this equation.... 

Damn! Looks like I just got the pear admirers almost completely out of the fetish water. I have to find something for the apple admirers though. I'm on a mission. "Call me blaze.... Jon Blaze..." Pseudo-008   

So: You're attracted to fat women, right? There's definitely a variety of reason why you are, but maybe if one of the greater reasons (And this is one of many reasons) you are is because of your interpretation of it actually having sexual value, it wouldn't be? We're associating those lower body areas with fat tissue as having more sensation (Along with smoother skin, which me likey  ), and thusly a correlation with more sexual value. Would you say from your experiences that fat in other areas can do the same thing? Hmmm... I'm pondering. *Ponders*


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## MisticalMisty (Jan 20, 2008)

susieQ said:


> See? This is one of the reasons why I like you so much  (and erase that last sentence pleaiiz.)
> 
> I feel I must add something to my previous post: I have never been with an FA. So actually, I have zero experience. But I have learned a lot from this board and its mostly the bellyrub, squashing etc. part of it I cant handle. Too me, that is fetishism. (Which Im generally not a fan of)



Whoa, Whoa, WHOA. I wouldn't lump a belly rub into that group you've got going.

Granted, the weight gain, feeding, squashing and maybe a few other aspects of fat love could be considered a fetish..but not all aspects of fat love is..I mean.. good gravy. I was watching Sex and the City and Adian asked Carrie for a belly rub. He's not the least bit fat, but enjoyed it anyways. Yes..I know a complete fictionalization, but seriously..a belly rub can really be no different than a back rub.

As far as society and their views, we have the power to change what society deems acceptable. I feel that we are on a trend to where various body shapes are becoming more accepted. We aren't exactly where we need to be just yet, but we are making a little progress at a time and that counts for something.


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## bexy (Jan 20, 2008)

*i would have to say i dont like to think of it as a fetish, just a preference. but that said the FA spectrum is HUGE. there are lots of different degrees to it. there are those that generally just like a bigger girl, right up to those that like immobility etc.

certainly in my own personal case it is not viewed as a fetish. my cutie likes big girls cos theyre soft, cuddly and feminine. and we view it no differently to someone liking blondes, or blue eyes.

it can verger onto fetish terrority with the more extreme interests attached to fat and fat admiration, but i dont think there is a definitive answer for it.

i like belly rubs if i have a sore tum tum or indigestion lol does that count?*


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 20, 2008)

Ok. Now I'm pissed off. 

The following links say "Sexual Preference":
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hand_fetishism (Masturbation is a sexual preference? Now that is funny. )

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_fetishism (That's not a fetish apparently...)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breast_fetishism (Look at this: It even says that you have to RELY on breast, and it STILL isn't a fetish! FAIL FAIL FAIL!)

Then we come to fat:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat_fetishism
That's a fetish. O RRY?   

Contradiction sense is tingling. It looks like even our psychology majors think popularity has something to do with it. 
What direct sexual value do feet have, besides footjobs? Is there any historical evidence of uhh.. ancient tribes looking at their women, and the only thing that matters is their foot condition? Is there a Venus of Willendorf for feet? Foot binding doesn't count damnit! *

It's going between saying body partialism is a fetish, but it's not. Is it like Tae Kwon Do? A martial art, and a combat sport at the same time?   

*I'm not saying this on the level that people can't be attracted to it in a psychosexual manner (And if you are into feet: That's perfectly fine), but feet aren't a primary, nor secondary sexual characteristic. Fat (Not in itself of course), dependent on area, *is* a secondary sexual characteristic. But being attracted to fat partners is a fetish. 

"You don't see nothing' wrong with that!??!!?!"  :bow:


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## Suze (Jan 20, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> Whoa, Whoa, WHOA. I wouldn't lump a belly rub into that group you've got going.
> 
> Granted, the weight gain, feeding, squashing and maybe a few other aspects of fat love could be considered a fetish..but not all aspects of fat love is..I mean.. good gravy. I was watching Sex and the City and Adian asked Carrie for a belly rub. He's not the least bit fat, but enjoyed it anyways. Yes..I know a complete fictionalization, but seriously..a belly rub can really be no different than a back rub.




IMO bellyrubs are a fetish. You usually don't rub a back because you think its hot  Adian can do whatever he please...:wubu: he could even rub mine. 



> As far as society and their views, we have the power to change what society deems acceptable. I feel that we are on a trend to where various body shapes are becoming more accepted. We aren't exactly where we need to be just yet, but we are making a little progress at a time and that counts for something.



Agreed. That is why this place is so important.


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## Edens_heel (Jan 20, 2008)

Misty and Jon,

Misty: I think you have a point that we are slooooowly as a society moving more towards some kind of physical fat acceptance, but I think it's going to be far from mainstream even still, because no matter what we or the average Canadian/American thinks and feels towards fat, the trendsetters and film makers of the world are going to continue to pollute as much as possible that fat is bad, and if they they don't, they almost do something worse, which is treat BBW's and FA's not as they are, but as a symptom to overcome. Take the movie Phat Girlz as an example. that is one of the stronger and more outgoing portrayals of BBW's and FA's being sexualized in a strong and confident manner, but how did they get away with that? They transposed the message to fall on another culture. In north american entertainment, someone falling for a BBW or BHM is shown as being able to look past the exterior flaws and sees their soul - disregarding that maybe, just MAYBE, there is actual and genuine physical attraction. So while we may be swinging to the stands, it will be a while still before we knock it over the fence.

Jon: I'm not sure I entirely get what point you were trying to make. It sounds as if you are trying to say that being an FA is not a fetish if the sexuality is taken out of the equation? Help me out here...


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 20, 2008)

Edens_heel said:


> Jon: I'm not sure I entirely get what point you were trying to make. It sounds as if you are trying to say that being an FA is not a fetish if the sexuality is taken out of the equation? Help me out here...



I'm saying that in a lot of cases (Not all) it isn't not only because in a lot of people it's not objective, but because fat dependent on area is a secondary sexual characteristic. That being the case, being attracted to fat (Or more specifically: Women that have padding in those areas) is not fetishistic in itself. It can be in some people, but it's not a standard. 
The definition of a fetish implies "Sexless." Fat is not anatomically sexless in itself. If it were: Then maybe, but then we'd have to throw feet and possibly hands in there too.


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## FAjastone (Jan 20, 2008)

The Orange Mage said:


> I think the following is obvious, but I'll just take a strike while the iron is hot...
> 
> There are two types of FAs in this case.
> 
> ...




I didn't mean to come across as a category 1 FA, it's just that I have a lot of skinny friends that I would like to date and that I am dating, but the physical attraction just isn't be there. I'll date them because I like their personality. Sorry I didn't put that in their the first time but I'm kinda lazy and I'm a slow typist. :doh: :doh: :doh:


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 20, 2008)

Misty and Sandie, I hacked up your quotes, but I'm agreeing with you so I hope that's OK.



MisticalMisty said:


> WHY is it considered so "weird" or "freakish" for a man to desire a woman who is fat? Why do so many woman find it distasteful or find that they don't want a man that desires their body? WHY is it considered normal when a man only dates or prefers a thin woman but when it's the complete opposite, we have issues?
> 
> 
> Why is it considered a fetish when a man loves a woman with a big belly, but yet when a man loves a woman with a six pack it's not considered a fetish. Why the double standard?
> ...



I think you hit it right on the head Misty. I think FAs are expected to justify their attraction more. I also think they are "defined" by their attraction more, which brings me to Sandie's quote.



Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Absolutely - positively - 100% true. But anyone who says this takes a lot of shit for saying it. I realized when I liked my body and was comfortable in it - I finally understood FA's. When *I* understood the sexiness, sensuality, the soft rolls and how sexy it was to feel my own curves - I FINALLY understood FA's.
> 
> When I first started meeting guys who liked fat women my initial reaction was one of disgust. They were freaks - OMG I didn't want to date a freak! Self love goes a LONG way to accepting someone else loving you (and your body).



And let me preface by saying I am NOT denying there are FAs who are jerks or who dehumanize the fat person by focusing only on the fat (which I, personally, think is a better way to describe it than "fetish".) There are men and women of all types who are jerks. But I wonder sometimes if FAs aren't judged more harshly in general because SOME, again not all, some BBW are not comfortable with themselves. Because then, it would seem that it would be easy to reduce the FA just to their attraction to fat, the same way that a BBW fears being reduced to just her fat. Does that make sense? If a person gets hung up on the fact that they can't believe someone would love their fat body, then I could see how all the other traits of the FA as a person could also be thrown out the window. The BBW's focus would then be on the fact the FA is an FA and it might cause him to not be seen as a multidimensional person either. And I think personally that that is sometimes where the tensions can lie. And then when you add Misty's point about having to justify the attraction to fat(in society, in relationships, etc), well, some FAs probably feel like they can't win and are getting it from all angles. 

I am not accusing anyone of anything here in this thread or in real life. I am just pondering, so other than the two ladies above (who, again, I agree with), no one else should take this personally at all. And, for the record, I am an FFA and while, here at Dims, this phenomena seems hardly present in the BHM/FFA community, many FFA have written about experiences in real life where BHM are hard on them for liking fat men, sometimes even to the point of getting angry. So it would seem to me that how the BBW/BHM feels about themselves plays a large part in how they will view all F/FAs after a bad experience.

And to answer Misty's point about 99.9% of experiences: as a "thin" sister, the answer is yes. In fact, most of the time all women find themselves in encounters with men who in one way or another only want them for their looks or their bodies.(That, by the way, is not a slam against men, keep reading) And from personal experience in the real world(not here at Dims) I have had men come on too strong, be too creepy etc. This is in general why I hate public transportation the one unrelenting, pushy guy will always find me. But there are also lots of wonderful men in the world, FA and non. Dealing with each man as an individual is really the only way to go, in my opinion. Any man (and for the FFA woman) should not be discounted out of hand for being an FA, nor should he be pursued just for that fact. If a man finds you and your body attractive and you like him and how he treats you, it shouldn't matter what label he does or doesn't carry. In my opinion.


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## ripley (Jan 20, 2008)

I'm scared this is going to turn into "only the ones with low self-esteem don't like FAs". That's just as false as saying all FAs are bad or "freaks" or whatever. I love my body (most of the time) and I love that to some men it's arousing as hell. What I don't like is having my fat be desired when it seems like the person inside the fat is optional. I love FAs, but hate being just fetishized without any acknowledgment that there is an actual person in here...and from online life, I must say that the fetishizers outnumber the just plain FAs about 12 to 1.


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## Fascinita (Jan 20, 2008)

ripley said:


> I'm scared this is going to turn into "only the ones with low self-esteem don't like FAs". That's just as false as saying all FAs are bad or "freaks" or whatever. I love my body (most of the time) and I love that to some men it's arousing as hell. What I don't like is having my fat be desired when it seems like the person inside the fat is optional. I love FAs, but hate being just fetishized without any acknowledgment that there is an actual person in here...and from online life, I must say that the fetishizers outnumber the just plain FAs about 12 to 1.




Yeah, there appears to be this myth that if you speak up about not wanting to be objectified for your fat, it must mean you don't like your fat body. And then a whole debate about "well, is it society's fault that a lot of fat women don't like their bodies?" So your objections get clouded over and ignored and turned against you. But, for the record, I am fine with my body. I love it so. Oh, it's so adorable, when I stop to contemplate it. But most of the time I have a lot more to do than just contemplate my adorable chub--like working for a living, and figuring out what side I fall on in the question of the war in Iraq, and making time to read for pleasure instead of always for work, and shopping for pretty blouses, and helping homeless cats. And because all of that is part of who I am, when "admiration" is directed at me that obviously tends to ignore most parts of me in favor of one--fat--and when that fat admiration becomes a single-note litany, instead of an occacional fun indulgence to be enjoyed by two humans, then yeah, I get turned off.

Oh, have I mentioned how adorable I am?


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 20, 2008)

ripley said:


> I'm scared this is going to turn into "only the ones with low self-esteem don't like FAs". That's just as false as saying all FAs are bad or "freaks" or whatever. I love my body (most of the time) and I love that to some men it's arousing as hell. What I don't like is having my fat be desired when it seems like the person inside the fat is optional. I love FAs, but hate being just fetishized without any acknowledgment that there is an actual person in here...and from online life, I must say that the fetishizers outnumber the just plain FAs about 12 to 1.



That is not what I was saying, and I hope that is not what you got out of my post. I realize you may not be addressing me, but just in case, I want to clarify. I think what I am saying is that nobody likes a creepy, pushy guy who dehumanizes them. Period. But let's call them that, not FAs. The thing is, you just used the phrase above:"only the ones with low self-esteem don't like FAs". Which implies that it is OK to lump all FAs together again. You just said you love FAs, so you obviously don't feel that that is true. But I think some people may. And that is unfair. I also don't think this is only about low self-esteem. It could also be a lack of good experiences with FAs. And maybe some BBW have only had experiences with FAs, therefore they don't have a point of comparison with non-FA men. I think sometimes what is just general lecherous behavior on the internet in particular and in real life far too often, is too quickly assumed to be unique to FAs. My point was that I think some BBW don't give FAs enough of a chance, or are too quick to write them off after a bad experience with one and that their self-esteem or the other factors I just mentioned may play a part in that. I was also saying that to reduce a man to his FAness is just as narrow and harmful as reducing a BBW to her fat. As to my other point, I think it is just reality that all people have to go through a lot of bad experiences with the opposite sex and the good ones may be few and far between, but they are well worth finding.


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## TallFatSue (Jan 20, 2008)

When I was actively dating in the 1970s, my experiences were mostly with men who were attracted to me either *despite* my fat or *because* of my fat. That ran the gamut from "you'd be so beautiful if you lost 100lb" or "what would my friends think if I dated a fat girl?" to "you'd be so beautiful if you gained 100lb". 

My position was (and is) basically: yes, I'm an obese woman and, yes, fat makes up 2/3 of my body mass, but my fat is truly only one part of who I am as a woman. So I didn't avoid FAs, but I didn't seek them out either. What I wanted was someone who wanted me first and my fat second. Luckily for me, that's exactly the type of man I eventually met and married. :smitten:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 20, 2008)

ripley said:


> I'm scared this is going to turn into "only the ones with low self-esteem don't like FAs". That's just as false as saying all FAs are bad or "freaks" or whatever. I love my body (most of the time) and I love that to some men it's arousing as hell. What I don't like is having my fat be desired when it seems like the person inside the fat is optional. I love FAs, but hate being just fetishized without any acknowledgment that there is an actual person in here...and from online life, I must say that the fetishizers outnumber the just plain FAs about 12 to 1.



I totally agree with this....it was something bothering me about this thread, as well. How come there always seems to be some comment about "A woman must hate herself if she can't fall all over the FAs and accept his great gift".  (not just this thread but in the forum overall, on occasion)
I don't have a "preference" or "fetish" for FAs - I don't care if a man is an FA or if he likes women of all sizes. Why doesn't it concern me? Because I'm fat and if that man is asking me out and spending time with me, my common sense tells me that my big fat ass can't bother him that much. Knowing the nature of men, he probably even likes it.  I don't consider FAs "magical" or any different from other men (and, ohhhhhhhhhh do I ever get that impression that some women seem to think that from some of the posts I have read in my time on the forums) - they just like a bigger ass, stomach, legs, etc. I don't put FAs up on a pedestal- Enough said. 

I have seen numerous posts on the boards about why women prefer FAs. They all make sense, have a right to their opinions, and I don't find any of them "lacking in self-esteem" or mentally challenged because of their own preference for FAs. 
However, it's also important to note that a woman that feels that a man that makes too big of a deal over her weight just isn't her cup of tea is not somehow "warped" or crazy either.
Women that prefer "FAs only" are quite capable of self-esteem issues, as well, so a "non-need" for an FA shouldn't be taken as a marker of self-hatred. I hear all the time, in this place, how a man has a right to his preferences. The ladies aren't allowed theirs without being branded crazy somehow? :doh:


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## CleverBomb (Jan 20, 2008)

Ripley Posted:
"What I don't like is having my fat be desired when it seems like the person inside the fat is optional. I love FAs, but hate being just fetishized without any acknowledgment that there is an actual person in here...and from online life, I must say that the fetishizers outnumber the just plain FAs about 12 to 1."



Somehow, I suspect that parallels the proportions in the online male population as a whole that objectify/fetishize stereotypically-attractive features in women generally... men on the internets are quite often jerks. It's that online anonymity thing.

Fascinita Posted:
"And because all of that is part of who I am, when "admiration" is directed at me that obviously tends to ignore most parts of me in favor of one--fat--and when that fat admiration becomes a single-note litany, instead of an occacional fun indulgence to be enjoyed by two humans, then yeah, I get turned off."

Tall Fat Sue Posted:
"My position was (and is) basically: yes, I'm an obese woman and, yes, fat makes up 2/3 of my body mass, but my fat is truly only one part of who I am as a woman. So I didn't avoid FAs, but I didn't seek them out either. What I wanted was someone who wanted me first and my fat second. Luckily for me, that's exactly the type of man I eventually met and married. "

GreenEyedFairy:
"I don't have a "preference" or "fetish" for FAs - I don't care if a man is an FA or if he likes women of all sizes. Why doesn't it concern me? Because I'm fat and if that man is asking me out and spending time with me, my common sense tells me that my big fat ass can't bother him that much. Knowing the nature of men, he probably even likes it. I don't consider FAs "magical" or any different from other men (and, ohhhhhhhhhh do I ever get that impression that some women seem to think that from some of the posts I have read in my time on the forums) - they just like a bigger ass, stomach, legs, etc. I don't put FAs up on a pedestal- Enough said.

I have seen numerous posts on the boards about why women prefer FAs. They all make sense, have a right to their opinions, and I don't find any of them "lacking in self-esteem" or mentally challenged because of their own preference for FAs.
However, it's also important to note that a woman that feels that a man that makes too big of a deal over her weight just isn't her cup of tea is not somehow "warped" or crazy either.
Women that prefer "FAs only" are quite capable of self-esteem issues, as well, so a "non-need" for an FA shouldn't be taken as a marker of self-hatred. I hear all the time, in this place, how a man has a right to his preferences. The ladies aren't allowed theirs without being branded crazy somehow? "



Sorry about the awkward formatting -- this started as a "quick reply" and got a little out of hand with the quotes...

I'm all repped out for the day, but yeah. Consider yourself repped, all of ya. 

<tips hat>

-Rusty


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 20, 2008)

*Curtsies back to Rusty*


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 20, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I totally agree with this....it was something bothering me about this thread, as well. How come there always seems to be some comment about "A woman must hate herself if she can't fall all over the FAs and accept his great gift".  (not just this thread but in the forum overall, on occasion)



Just an observation - not a judgement. 

There is a thread on the Main board (I think) that asks how you feel about your belly. In reading that thread I realized how many of the women here don't just dislike their belly - but actually hate that part of their body. One woman (forgive me I don't remember who) said she hated her belly so much she fantasized about cutting it off.  Now seeing the number of womem here who despise their bodies I think it IS a safe bet that there are women here who are uncomfortable with FA's because they aren't comfortable with their bodies. I think we may have a cause and effect here.


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 20, 2008)

This is probably off-track, but I just have to respond, too: A belly rub is a fetishistic act? I gotta say I think that's way off. 

I think it's probably more work to not touch somebody's tummy--fat, thin, male, female--than it is to touch it. So one must avoid that area entirely--even ever so innocently en route to someone's genitalia....hee--otherwise we're festishistic freaks? That's just..bizarre.

Belly rubs are just part of life. What's the first thing you do with a baby? Rub their lil tum. That doesn't go away. Are you only supposed to rub six-packs or something?

I don't read wg stories...if there's a specific sorta thing that was originally being referenced, I'm not knowin about it and it probably wouldn't be my bag either. But if _Sex in the City_ is too far out...we're all in trouble.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 20, 2008)

I gotta agree with this. I like my belly rubbed. And also if Wayne has to try to NOT touch my belly during sex - he's going to have to be across the room - and that won't work.:huh:




liz (di-va) said:


> This is probably off-track, but I just have to respond, too: A belly rub is a fetishistic act? I gotta say I think that's way off.
> 
> I think it's probably more work to not touch somebody's tummy--fat, thin, male, female--than it is to touch it. So one must avoid that area entirely--even ever so innocently en route to someone's genitalia....hee--otherwise we're festishistic freaks? That's just..bizarre.
> 
> ...


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## ashmamma84 (Jan 20, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Just an observation - not a judgement.
> 
> There is a thread on the Main board (I think) that asks how you feel about your belly. In reading that thread I realized how many of the women here don't just dislike their belly - but actually hate that part of their body. One woman (forgive me I don't remember who) said she hated her belly so much she fantasized about cutting it off.  Now seeing the number of womem here who despise their bodies I think it IS a safe bet that there are women here who are uncomfortable with FA's because they aren't comfortable with their bodies. I think we may have a cause and effect here.



Are you counting women who actually stated they disliked their tummies or just the ones who said they wished to cover it in public...or both? I happen to be one of the women who does cover up in public, but it's not because I dislike my body...it's because it is the appropriate thing to do. I love my body, but I don't think I would say that because I choose to cover it means there is an underlying diminished level of comfort in it. And while I remember (albeit vaguely) you stating that you for lack of a better phrase "let it all hang out", some people just choose to go another route. Not only that, but there are some things that I find more flattering on my larger body than others...no, I'm not going to wear a tube top and mini skirt to run errands -- not because I'm ashamed, but because I think it's tacky and there is an issue of self-respect (for me personally). 

I think alot of what was in that thread was a matter of personal taste re: clothes...and to me, that doesn't really have anything to do with hating ones body. 

Maybe I'm reading you wrong...


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 20, 2008)

Oh no, no. Covering up your tummy in public is one thing. Saying you hate your belly is something else altogether. The second point is what I was addressing.

Yes - you are reading me wrong. And I said for me - I wear shorts, short sleeve tops and and I have a bikini. I wear what I am comfortable with. How one dresses has nothing to do with what I was addressing here.

I hope that helps. 






ashmamma84 said:


> Are you counting women who actually stated they disliked their tummies or just the ones who said they wished to cover it in public...or both? I happen to be one of the women who does cover up in public, but it's not because I dislike my body...it's because it is the appropriate thing to do. I love my body, but I don't think I would say that because I choose to cover it means there is an underlying diminished level of comfort in it. And while I remember (albeit vaguely) you stating that you for lack of a better phrase "let it all hang out", some people just choose to go another route. Not only that, but there are some things that I find more flattering on my larger body than others...no, I'm not going to wear a tube top and mini skirt to run errands -- not because I'm ashamed, but because I think it's tacky and there is an issue of self-respect (for me personally).
> 
> I think alot of what was in that thread was a matter of personal taste re: clothes...and to me, that doesn't really have anything to do with hating ones body.
> 
> Maybe I'm reading you wrong...


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## superodalisque (Jan 20, 2008)

most of the guys i date would probably never call themselves an FA. even some that i'm attracted to and go to bbw functions seem to have misgivings about the term being applied to them. most guys i date tend to like all kinds of women. but i guess it depends on who is calling themselves an FA and how they treat me. it would have been very easy to give up and swear off anyone remotely resembling FAs completely. unfortunately the most vocal FAs are usually the ones who go mainly for body parts. i feel more comfortable with someone who is respectful enough of me as a human being and wants to get to know me. 

i can understand why some FAs get so blinded by what a woman looks like though. it must be difficult, especially when your looking for someone available and confident that you personally find attractive. i know what they mean when they say they can't find any. i know we bbws often poo poo this. i've done an experiment. many times when i go out to a "regular place" i scope out the scene as though i'm an FA. usually i'm the only ssbbw there. most of the others are married or attached or very shy. some of them are so down on themselves that they don't even try. i've also noticed that a lot of women who claim they're confident really aren't. you can see that in the way that they accept disrespectful behavior. its not hot fashionable or trendy to be misused, no matter how many times people try to convince you it is. it just makes it easier for them to do that. then when they want a real relationship they move on to the polar opposite. 

FAs also find that some women who appear confident may have a secret desire to lose weight. there are times when they get into a relationship with someone who says they like it but then one day decides to do something like have WLS. Even though i can understand an FAs reaction to something like that as a woman it gives me pause. the hate mail etc... that some of my friends who've had WLS speaks volumes when a woman is trying to decide if an FA is really worth her time. one friend of mine was literally hours away from death and couldn't get the support she needed when she had emergency WLS. you have to think whether you'd really want someone who could change on you like that. i've never dieted and have no plans to lose weight in any way but i have to tell you that for a woman its scary to know that you could be with someone whose attentions are so conditional. its really not what most women want. 

i don't hate my fat at all. i'm not a fat phobe. i love having my rolls touched etc...i find it very erotic. but i also think eroticism is very personal and i don't want every one i meet touching me in that way even if i do love hugs with friends. i get put off by someone who is so overwhelmed that they forget that i am human. at times FAs don't care if they make you uncomfortable. but then i can understand the confusion because everyone has different boundaries. but sometimes if you have boundaries its put down to a lack of confidence. its as though you should to submit to grabbing. and this touching has absolutely no personal meaning. the next girl who comes near and will submit gets the same. so its nothing special--your nothing special. its a little sad sometimes to know that you are just a big fat widget to someone. i know this doesn't describe every FA. i wonder if some FAs just grow out of it, or were some never like that to begin with? 

for a long time i thought i would never date an FA because of how i was treated in general and how i felt around them. i didn't and still don't always feel free to be myself around them. i can't be as much of a playful sensual being as i really am. if you are somehow people feel entitled to sample you. sometimes i just like being extraordinarily female without any expectations. at least until i get to know someone anyway. 

i do adore FAs and have a lot of FA friends but something about the intense focus that some have on their sexual fantasies frightened me. being the center of something that looks like a fixation, fetish, or obsession is not exactly an ideal situation for me personally. lately i've been meeting different kinds of FAs and i feel a bit better about them. i'm glad i reserved judgement. i hate to think of myself as someone who discrimminates. i have everything to do with how i'm treated anyway. if that's what i permit then that's what i'll get. luckily for me i've been very stubborn during my exploration. i guess its about keeping control of who i am and not becoming something seen through someone else's eyes.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 20, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Just an observation - not a judgement.
> 
> There is a thread on the Main board (I think) that asks how you feel about your belly. In reading that thread I realized how many of the women here don't just dislike their belly - but actually hate that part of their body. One woman (forgive me I don't remember who) said she hated her belly so much she fantasized about cutting it off.  Now seeing the number of womem here who despise their bodies *I think it IS a safe bet that there are women here who are uncomfortable with FA's because they aren't comfortable with their bodies. I think we may have a cause and effect here*.



I'm not disagreeing with that....it is probably quite true, IN SOME INSTANCES, however, it's not realistic, or fair, to apply it to all. Everyone has their own preferences- some women just don't prefer FAs. *shrugs*


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 20, 2008)

ashmamma84 said:


> Are you counting women who actually stated they disliked their tummies or just the ones who said they wished to cover it in public...or both? I happen to be one of the women who does cover up in public, but it's not because I dislike my body...it's because it is the appropriate thing to do. I love my body, but I don't think I would say that because I choose to cover it means there is an underlying diminished level of comfort in it. And while I remember (albeit vaguely) you stating that you for lack of a better phrase "let it all hang out", some people just choose to go another route. Not only that, but there are some things that I find more flattering on my larger body than others...no, I'm not going to wear a tube top and mini skirt to run errands -- not because I'm ashamed, but because I think it's tacky and there is an issue of self-respect (for me personally).
> 
> I think alot of what was in that thread was a matter of personal taste re: clothes...and to me, that doesn't really have anything to do with hating ones body.
> 
> Maybe I'm reading you wrong...




Excellent point here........there are a lot of things I wouldn't choose to do if I were thin. I could weigh a 110 pounds yet never wear a thong bikini out on a public beach. It's not my way/thing. Not all thin women want the things they are told they should like- why are us fatties any different? Everyone has a right to their preferences (as long as they don't hurt others) .........EVERYONE.


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## superodalisque (Jan 20, 2008)

i was discussing this with some of my "little" friends last night. do you think that there are some bbw's who accept people who engage in fetish like behavior (by this i mean someone who doesn't care who the partner is as long as they have a certain attribute) really think of themselves as freaks deep down. do they think for example: "i find my big belly ugly so nobody but a freak could love anything i consider to be so freakish." 

disclaimer: i don't think bbws or people who are into bbw centered activities are necessarily freaks. well, not anymoreso than other people anyway lol


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 20, 2008)

ripley said:


> I'm scared this is going to turn into "only the ones with low self-esteem don't like FAs". That's just as false as saying all FAs are bad or "freaks" or whatever. I love my body (most of the time) and I love that to some men it's arousing as hell. What I don't like is having my fat be desired when it seems like the person inside the fat is optional. I love FAs, but hate being just fetishized without any acknowledgment that there is an actual person in here...and from online life, I must say that the fetishizers outnumber the just plain FAs about 12 to 1.



The thing that really flattens my fizz is what I perceive as an overreaction to the objectification encountered online. When I was in high school my friends and I used to buy GQ magazine so we could cut out all the cute boys and paste them on our book covers and inside our lockers. We'd oooh and ahhh and eeew over the ones we picked and it was fun in a dreamy sigh sorta way. We didn't know any of these clods, we just liked them 'cuase they were cute and we'd daydrem that one of 'em would call us up and take us out for an ice cream soda. It seems silly to me that these men in the mags would be worked up about not being apreciated for their inner most being. Gees, how the hell am I supposed to see that up front? My initial reaction is, "Boy what a hottie." Maybe I'm not getting the whole picture but I don't see how a guy appreciating what he finds beautiful about you before having seen your inner most being is so horrifying. 

Women in general spend most of their time online trying to avoid perverts, ALL women. The guy who isn't even interested in holding a conversation with you because he's too busy begging to see your belly on webcam is a pervert, plain and simple. The reason you keep meeting them is because they're the only ones who are looking for you. The others are playing WoW or reading The Onion or some other dingy old thing. Pervs are awful, pesty, neaseating, etc. - ask any woman. The majority of the men who hit women up online are pervs and predators. It's hard to meet decent guys and the ratio is about the same accross all demographics. I'm not trying to invalidate anyone's expereince, i've no doubt that many have met some doozies. I've met them too, I just think that these experiences are being blown way out of proportion.*





*I read this thread yesterday and I can't remember who said what. You may not have implied any of the stuff I was referring to so please forgive me if I got you wrong Ripley. I just get so frustrated with this whole subject. :doh:


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 20, 2008)

Thank you Lilly! You said what I would have been flamed for, and I'm tired of the subject too. :bow:

Thank you.





LillyBBBW said:


> The thing that really flattens my fizz is what I perceive as an overreaction to the objectification encountered online. When I was in high school my friends and I used to buy GQ magazine so we could cut out all the cute boys and paste them on our book covers and inside our lockers. We'd oooh and ahhh and eeew over the ones we picked and it was fun in a dreamy sigh sorta way. We didn't know any of these clods, we just liked them 'cuase they were cute and we'd daydrem that one of 'em would call us up and take us out for an ice cream soda. It seems silly to me that these men in the mags would be worked up about not being apreciated for their inner most being. Gees, how the hell am I supposed to see that up front? My initial reaction is, "Boy what a hottie." Maybe I'm not getting the whole picture but I don't see how a guy appreciating what he finds beautiful about you before having seen your inner most being is so horrifying.
> 
> Women in general spend most of their time online trying to avoid perverts, ALL women. The guy who isn't even interested in holding a conversation with you because he's too busy begging to see your belly on webcam is a pervert, plain and simple. The reason you keep meeting them is because they're the only ones who are looking for you. The others are playing WoW or reading The Onion or some other dingy old thing. Pervs are awful, pesty, neaseating, etc. - ask any woman. The majority of the men who hit women up online are pervs and predators. It's hard to meet decent guys and the ratio is about the same accross all demographics. I'm not trying to invalidate anyone's expereince, i've no doubt that many have met some doozies. I've met them too, I just think that these experiences are being blown way out of proportion.*
> 
> ...


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## superodalisque (Jan 20, 2008)

i agree about the internet experience. i don't think its realistic to judge anyone by what people say online, or take any of it too seriously. sometimes when girls get all bent out of shape about the happenings online i tend to want to say "what in the world were you thinking anyway without never having met the person?" but, we're all human and we hope and sometimes we might give someone too much credit. 

its just not real to most people. especially to the ones who haven't met anyone in real life. i try to only count my real experiences. online people get into their fantasies, blow off steam etc... its to be expected. now i've met a few people and have actually gone to a few events in different parts of the country. what i've seen has made me wonder if just because someone is too shy to say something in real life, does that mean thats not what their really thinking? but for me though, i tend to watch what people do in the real world. how do they treat other women of their preference etc...thats the only way i feel secure in gathering an opinion.


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## southernfa (Jan 20, 2008)

Firstly, in real life I would never describe myself as an FA to a woman, any woman, because sexual preference is never going to be the dominant factor in any relationship I have.



MisticalMisty said:


> Why is it considered a fetish when a man loves a woman with a big belly, but yet when a man loves a woman with a six pack it's not considered a fetish. Why the double standard?



Who knows? One of the local TV channels was playing women's beach volleyball yesterday afternoon. Three of the four contestants could most kindly be described as androgynous. The 4th was downright masculine with biceps and a 6-pack  Maybe this represents the zenith of athleticism if that is what floats your boat. I got a bigger kick out of flicking to the antiques roadshow.


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 20, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i agree about the internet experience. i don't think its realistic to judge anyone by what people say online, or take any of it too seriously. sometimes when girls get all bent out of shape about the happenings online i tend to want to say "what in the world were you thinking anyway without never having met the person?" but, we're all human and we hope and sometimes we might give someone too much credit.
> 
> its just not real to most people. especially to the ones who haven't met anyone in real life. i try to only count my real experiences. online people get into their fantasies, blow off steam etc... its to be expected. now i've met a few people and have actually gone to a few events in different parts of the country. what i've seen has made me wonder if just because someone is too shy to say something in real life, does that mean thats not what their really thinking? but for me though, i tend to watch what people do in the real world. how do they treat other women of their preference etc...thats the only way i feel secure in gathering an opinion.



I so agree. I mean, if you live in a small town and you're related to almost everybody in it and the only FA's you tend to meet are the charmers online I can understand how this can skewer the sliding scale on what's out there. Still, it does elicit an emotional sense of doom and despair because it's hard not to take it personally when someone says, "FA! Eeeeew!!!" and you haven't done anything wrong. I don't want to discredit anyone's experiences but GECH!!!  Freaky Frieda and I might have the same things checked off on our list of things we find most appealing about the male form but Freida and I are two totally different people. You'll meet her in a dark alley but I'm at home re-organizing my yarn stash, no relation.


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## southernfa (Jan 20, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> ... but i have to tell you that for a woman its scary to know that you could be with someone whose attentions are so conditional. its really not what most women want.



Well made point but as an open question, does anyone here think it is any different for men? Do we not all seek unconditional acceptance and love?


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## superodalisque (Jan 20, 2008)

i really don't know. in my heart i feel that they do want "unconditional acceptance" . i would say unconditional love but i know a lot of people still go pale at the mention of the "L" word. . but often men say otherwise. maybe they're just trying to play it cool and tough or justify how they felt about something. i really don't know. i've heard guys say that they expect their woman to "stay in shape" and don't think there is anything wrong with it if she expects the same. i have the feeling that its only bluster though. i think a man would be just as devastated if his partner suddenly no longer found him attractive or loveable.


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## southernfa (Jan 20, 2008)

Perhaps the catch-22 for all of us is that if we want to get it, we have to be prepared to give it. Sort of like peace in the middle-east when you think about it.


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## Paul Delacroix (Jan 20, 2008)

GWARrior said:


> why cant fat admiration be considered a fetish?



It can. As long as it's okay for me to view "thin admiration" as a fetish--which I do. 

Even without the phony breasts, cosmetic surgery and facelifts added by Hollywood and the mass media--which change it from a "fetish" to a "gross, unnatural fetish".


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 20, 2008)

southernfa said:


> Perhaps the catch-22 for all of us is that if we want to get it, we have to be prepared to give it. Sort of like peace in the middle-east when you think about it.



This subject is loaded with catch 22's. Most of the normal well adjusted people aren't wearing a big F on their forheads. They go to work, attend meetings, exchange jokes via email and go unseen while the freaks and pervs rule the night. They're the ones who are most visible while the nice ones are sitting right there unnoticed and you don't know it because they don't advertise and really can't. The moment they do it instantly becomes creepy so they can't even speak on your own behalf withough it coming off as overly too much. 

Everyone can give their best and still meet creeps who'll take advantage. *sigh* It really is like peace in the middle east.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 20, 2008)

Paul Delacroix said:


> It can. As long as it's okay for me to view "thin admiration" as a fetish--which I do.
> 
> Even without the phony breasts, cosmetic surgery and facelifts added by Hollywood and the mass media--which change it from a "fetish" to a "gross, unnatural fetish".



Fetish smetish as long as it's 2 consenting adults - it's all good. 

You know I have that *foot thing*.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jan 20, 2008)

Paul Delacroix said:


> It can. As long as it's okay for me to view "thin admiration" as a fetish--which I do.
> 
> Even without the phony breasts, cosmetic surgery and facelifts added by Hollywood and the mass media--which change it from a "fetish" to a "gross, unnatural fetish".



Question, if you think of thin admiration as a fetish do you also think of fat admiration as a fetish?


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## ripley (Jan 20, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> The thing that really flattens my fizz is what I perceive as an overreaction to the objectification encountered online. When I was in high school my friends and I used to buy GQ magazine so we could cut out all the cute boys and paste them on our book covers and inside our lockers. We'd oooh and ahhh and eeew over the ones we picked and it was fun in a dreamy sigh sorta way. We didn't know any of these clods, we just liked them 'cuase they were cute and we'd daydrem that one of 'em would call us up and take us out for an ice cream soda. It seems silly to me that these men in the mags would be worked up about not being apreciated for their inner most being. Gees, how the hell am I supposed to see that up front? My initial reaction is, "Boy what a hottie."






Okay.  First off, men can objectify the hell out of me and its A-OK. BUT...when they expect me to humor them, play out their fantasies, listen to them go on FOREVER about how I'd look a hundred pounds heavier, and continually steer the conversation back to me smacking a thin woman and then sucking her into my fat and getting larger from it every time I try to talk about music or movies...yeah, then I've got a problem with it. It's the difference between you cutting out pix of GQ models, and you calling them on the phone 12 times a day asking them to rub their six-pack for you.





LillyBBBW said:


> I don't see how a guy appreciating what he finds beautiful about you before having seen your inner most being is so horrifying.


 

I don't expect men to. I expect them to like what they see first; men are pretty visual creatures. It's the difference between that being a start of your interaction with them, and it being the whole enchilada. It doesn't go anywhere, with a lot of them. It is the only thing. Above all I find it boring, but I also find the fixations sometimes creepy in their single-mindedness.





LillyBBBW said:


> Women in general spend most of their time online trying to avoid perverts, ALL women. The guy who isn't even interested in holding a conversation with you because he's too busy begging to see your belly on webcam is a pervert, plain and simple. * The reason you keep meeting them is because they're the only ones who are looking for you.* The others are playing WoW or reading The Onion or some other dingy old thing. Pervs are awful, pesty, neaseating, etc. - ask any woman. The majority of the men who hit women up online are pervs and predators. It's hard to meet decent guys and the ratio is about the same accross all demographics. I'm not trying to invalidate anyone's expereince, i've no doubt that many have met some doozies. I've met them too, I just think that these experiences are being blown way out of proportion.*
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I think it's interesting, the part I put in bold. It never occurred to me to put all the men who approach me online like this. I mean...we have a bunch of crush threads here on dims, and the majority I would say have never met the people in real life. Also we have threads of dims/internet initiated marriages pretty often too. Looking at it I wonder if I have a more optimistic view of FAs after all. You say that, then say that they're being blown out of proportion...something doesn't add up to me there.





LillyBBBW said:


> I so agree. I mean, if you live in a small town and you're related to almost everybody in it and the only FA's you tend to meet are the charmers online I can understand how this can skewer the sliding scale on what's out there.



I'm not sure if this is intended for me or not; I've been upfront about being from a small town (though I'm not related to many in it, thanks).

Thing is, I know this. I know that a lot of online men are pervs who leave their manners on the other side of their screens. Y'all aren't telling me something I don't know. But I keep seeing the relationships, the marriages, that are posted about here on dims, and I keep having hope. Foolish of me? Yeah, probably. So who is the most pessimistic about online FAs? Those who say "they're all pervs, forget about it" and me who says "Yeah, a lot of them aren't my cup of tea, but I'll keep trying"?


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## ripley (Jan 20, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> most of the guys i date would probably never call themselves an FA. even some that i'm attracted to and go to bbw functions seem to have misgivings about the term being applied to them. most guys i date tend to like all kinds of women. but i guess it depends on who is calling themselves an FA and how they treat me. it would have been very easy to give up and swear off anyone remotely resembling FAs completely. unfortunately the most vocal FAs are usually the ones who go mainly for body parts. i feel more comfortable with someone who is respectful enough of me as a human being and wants to get to know me.
> 
> i can understand why some FAs get so blinded by what a woman looks like though. it must be difficult, especially when your looking for someone available and confident that you personally find attractive. i know what they mean when they say they can't find any. i know we bbws often poo poo this. i've done an experiment. many times when i go out to a "regular place" i scope out the scene as though i'm an FA. usually i'm the only ssbbw there. most of the others are married or attached or very shy. some of them are so down on themselves that they don't even try. i've also noticed that a lot of women who claim they're confident really aren't. you can see that in the way that they accept disrespectful behavior. its not hot fashionable or trendy to be misused, no matter how many times people try to convince you it is. it just makes it easier for them to do that. then when they want a real relationship they move on to the polar opposite.
> 
> ...



Can't rep you right now, so I'll quote you and say that this is one of the best posts I've ever read. I'm in awe.


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## AnnMarie (Jan 20, 2008)

ripley said:


> But I keep seeing the relationships, the marriages, that are posted about here on dims, and I keep having hope. Foolish of me? Yeah, probably. So who is the most pessimistic about online FAs? Those who say "they're all pervs, forget about it" and me who says "Yeah, a lot of them aren't my cup of tea, but I'll keep trying"?



No, not foolish. This is exactly my point - you have to weed through morons, guys who use the FA "term" to gain access, but don't really know what the hell it means or should mean. 

I think the hope is reasonable, and I've always had it. Did it become frustrating? Hell yes! But I learned to deftly avoid the losers, cut them off at the knees quickly, I used my own tolerances and red light feelings to block out most of the riff raff. While it cut down on my "options" many times, it also soothed my soul to not be continuously assaulted by single-minded horn dogs who want nothing more than an internet boner. I don't entertain that type of bullshit, ever. 

So yeah, it takes me a while to find options and then see how they turn out, but once I narrowed my field of who was permitted in, I was considerably happier with the process. I'd rather only have a couple of fishies to choose from than a whole net of leeches that I have to dig through to find the fish. 

Not foolish for being hopeful... and frankly, I'm glad to read you are. So often you sound as though you're not at all... so good!


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## ripley (Jan 20, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> No, not foolish. This is exactly my point - you have to weed through morons, guys who use the FA "term" to gain access, but don't really know what the hell it means or should mean.
> 
> I think the hope is reasonable, and I've always had it. Did it become frustrating? Hell yes! But I learned to deftly avoid the losers, cut them off at the knees quickly, I used my own tolerances and red light feelings to block out most of the riff raff. While it cut down on my "options" many times, it also soothed my soul to not be continuously assaulted by single-minded horn dogs who want nothing more than an internet boner. I don't entertain that type of bullshit, ever.
> 
> ...



That's where online loses nuances...me being realistic often reads as pessimistic. And yeah, sometimes I do get sad and discouraged...but I'm still here, waiting for that smart funny guy who loves movies, music, and sassy SSBBWs to come a knockin' at my PM box. I just guard my hope...it's had a few knocks.

I'm really glad to read about you making the decision to stop the...uh....unpolite ones cold. I think this has been part of my problem; I have allowed too much to be said to me that I would not accept in real life. I think some here think I'm the ball-buster when it comes to "freaks" or fetishists, but I actually give them more time than I should, and more of a chance. Thing is, it's hard to know sometimes if the guy who PMs with "Hot pic...you have a great belly" is just a great guy who thinks that, or a fetishist who can talk to my belly for hours and doesn't really care if I'm mentally present or not. So I give them a chance and end up with an overwhelming number of "nope, just another mannerless horndog" experiences.

That was a great post, AM, and it's given me lots to think about...so thanks.


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## Dravenhawk (Jan 21, 2008)

Her big size may catch this FA's eye, but what holds me fast is attitude, and how well I can gell with her. Honestly the more common ground I find I am sharing with a woman the stronger the attraction. Having a good bond of what REALY matters which are meeting of the minds and a colessing of the spirit forming an unshakable foundation so even if she decides to change her size I know that what really matters will not change. I gravitate to the biggest woman in the room its just my nature to start at the biggest and work my way through. Really what I hope to find is someone I can totally gell with. Idealistly it would be nice to find a woman who is big and gets bigger without any effort on anyones part. No need to feed, fat just happens it is not to be forced. I mean the whole idea of getting fat is that eating just feels good and good feelings need not be forced nor force fed. 
As a FA I find myself gravitating to the biggest woman but if big is all this person has to offer then its not going very far. I have to be your friend and explore how our minds meet and how we see the world. This kind of forms the whole fundmental foundation as to wether or not I can fall in love. So it is the person I am falling in love with who possesses a body type I find desireable. Still even if I have met with the minds and she has a big body that is desireable that is not enough to sustain a soild relationship there must be a colessing of spirits as when love evolves two seperate entities become of one flesh.
I love a woman for how she and I meet in the minds. I love a woman for how I feel that sensation that our spirits coaless and blend smoothly when together with her. I also love a woman who is supersized who is happy with being big and wouldn't see it as good, bad, or indifferent if weight were gained or lost.
Ok so back to the original focus of this thread. Avoiding all FA's going to put you on the losing end. As with traditional relationships if love and acceptance is goverened by the scales it may be time to move on to someone else who can provide you with the kind of depth you are seeking in a relationship. If she loses all her fat and we have a solid meeting of the minds and spirits then the weight loss does not really matter as it is the woman herself that keeps me around for keeps.


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 21, 2008)

See that is where we differ. I don't believe in that at all. I don't believe that you can just sit at home in front of the computer and wait for your prince to find you. Exchanging flirts and crush sentiments on the board is a lot of fun but how many times does it lead to a long term meaningful relationship? The majority of people on this board who are in committed happy relationships did not meet their mate here or anywhere online. They met their sweetie in real life. They met at a golf tounament, the shooting range, a bar, a Sci Fi convention - even the ones who met online first never really flourished into anything or even gave each other a second thought till they happened to meet in person and the chemistry was like gang busters. I don't want to take hope away, surely it can happen but you'd be waiting an awful long time. You've got to get up from the computer and live your life. Go to the conventions, learn something new, get out there and live. It's not pessimism about FA's at all, just a reality check in regards to online dating. They work at times but that is the exception, not the rule. At least that's the impression I get from what I've seen and witnessed. Maybe there's this underground railroad of happy internet couples in long distance relationships underneath the random spottings that happen once in a blue moon that I'm aware of.

My post about the person who lives in a small town was not about you. I was actually thinking about someone else at the time. I don't feel comfortable naming her since she is not a participant in this thread and is either unable or unwilling to speak for herself here so I'm going to respect that.

EDIT: Yeah, I'm the resident killjoy. I truly do see this pattern about relationshiops though. The internet is great for enhancing communication for people but most met in public first. As far as finding Mr. Right someday online it looks pretty grim from where I sit. Am I the only one who sees this? :huh:





ripley said:


> Okay.  First off, men can objectify the hell out of me and its A-OK. BUT...when they expect me to humor them, play out their fantasies, listen to them go on FOREVER about how I'd look a hundred pounds heavier, and continually steer the conversation back to me smacking a thin woman and then sucking her into my fat and getting larger from it every time I try to talk about music or movies...yeah, then I've got a problem with it. It's the difference between you cutting out pix of GQ models, and you calling them on the phone 12 times a day asking them to rub their six-pack for you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## ripley (Jan 21, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> See that is where we differ. I don't believe in that at all. I don't believe that you can just sit at home in front of the computer and wait for your prince to find you. Exchanging flirts and crush sentiments on the board is a lot of fun but how many times does it lead to a long term meaningful relationship? The majority of people on this board who are in committed happy relationships did not meet their mate here or anywhere online. They met their sweetie in real life. They met at a golf tounament, the shooting range, a bar, a Sci Fi convention - even the ones who met online first never really flourished into anything or even gave each other a second thought till they happened to meet in person and the chemistry was like gang busters. I don't want to take hope away, surely it can happen but you'd be waiting an awful long time. You've got to get up from the computer and live your life. Go to the conventions, learn something new, get out there and live. It's not pessimism about FA's at all, just a reality check in regards to online dating. They work at times but that is the exception, not the rule. At least that's the impression I get from what I've seen and witnessed. Maybe there's this underground railroad of happy internet couples in long distance relationships underneath the random spottings that happen once in a blue moon that I'm aware of.




If we're talking about the efficacy of internet dating, then I agree with you...it's not optimal at all.


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## lovessbbw (Jan 21, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i really don't know. in my heart i feel that they do want "unconditional acceptance" . i would say unconditional love but i know a lot of people still go pale at the mention of the "L" word. . but often men say otherwise. maybe they're just trying to play it cool and tough or justify how they felt about something. i really don't know. i've heard guys say that they expect their woman to "stay in shape" and don't think there is anything wrong with it if she expects the same. i have the feeling that its only bluster though. i think a man would be just as devastated if his partner suddenly no longer found him attractive or loveable.



I can only speak of myself and my experiences. "Unconditional acceptance" is the ideal I strive for in my life and relationships. Easier spoke of than found from what I know. Yet, somehow I keep looking.
As I have stated in other threads it's what's inside the person, the woman that is paramount to me. I don't fall for a woman's curves, flesh, rolls, whatever no matter how pleasurable I may find that experience. Sexuality and sexual attraction is not the basis for "unconditional acceptance". Sexuality is actually a small part of any successful long term relationship.
Is fitting that sitting here on MLK day and ruminating on this subject the words of MLK. Allow me to just paraphrase a bit in that, we all shall be judged only by the content of our character.


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## Jellybean (Jan 21, 2008)

ripley said:


> If we're talking about the efficacy of internet dating, then I agree with you...it's not optimal at all.



This has been a really interesting thread - and I find myself agreeing with Ripley and Lily and Ann Marie all at the same time because you just never know when and in what venue the stars will align and something "clicks." For reasons that go way beyond the potential fetishistic behavior of FA's, I think Internet dating is a flawed means to really connect with people, as it gives a deceiving impression of being direct and to the point, when I think often both men and women don't know themselves well enough to describe themselves, and what they want, accurately. You only find out when you can see how their actions follow their words.

But the internet is one potential avenue, and I sometimes think my fear of pervs and freaks holds me back from being a little more adventurous, both online and IRL, particularly in exploring meeting "out" FAs. I have no answers, only questions, so I appreciate the discussion on this topic!


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## knottyknicky (Mar 4, 2008)

Before I truly became comfortable with my body as is, I used to feel the need to avoid FAs as well, even if I didn't know they were called that. I was still of the mindset that men who found big women attractive were weird, freakish, or even just a little kinky, but still not my cup of tea. I wanted a guy who found ALL women attractive, because I didn't want to be the subject of anyones fat-fetish. 

Then I discovered a few gems on the internet (dims included) and started my little journey to self-acceptance, and my view on men changed, completely. Now, I almost exclusively want an FA...but just as my weight isn't the only thing attracting them to me, their status as an "FA" isnt the only thing attracting me to them. I'm picky, and the guys I date are too. On top of being okay with weight, they still need to excite me, emotionally, mentally, creatively...and thats not going to happen with some guy who just likes me for my waistline.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 4, 2008)

Before Dims....I always knew there was such a thing as "men that preferred bigger women" or "meat on their bones"...just never knew there was a whole "movement" about it. I never found any of those men "weird" or anything along those lines.They are guys that like what they like, in my own mind. In a way, I always found them interesting...because those that were obvious didn't "follow the norm" and for that, I admired them. 
I'm not usually one to label many people as "weird" because I love variety....I just see FAs as being of their own variety


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## ravfa (Mar 4, 2008)

Hello. . .I thought perhaps I could add a perspective to this thread that is maybe just a little different. First off, I think it goes without saying that though physical attraction & sexual desire are a defining element of a romantic relationship, if it's going to last, there has to be more. . .complimentary personalities, intellectual compatibility, emotional connection. That holds no matter what your preference is.

And about the terminology. . .the search for "better" acronyms goes back a looong way. Every subculture has it's own accepted & understood buzzwords. "Fat Admirerer" is rather awkward & clunky. But in our community, the terms "FA," "FFA," "BBW," "SSBBW," "BHM," and others, are shorthand that everyone knows. Newcomers may be a little offput on first learning them, but eventually just come to use them because it's easier & quicker than having to type out something like "Person attracted to a physically larger partner". . .

Though I have only just started to post here, Dimensions has been very important to me for probably a lot longer than most on the board. I encountered it as a black & white newsletter over 20 years ago. My first issue was #10; I immediately became a subscriber & received every issue till it stopped publishing, and have every print issue that was put out. The point in bringing this up is that - One: it was started by (& continues to be run & supported by) an FA. And - Two: in the very early days, there was serious & earnest discussion about whether to even "allow" fat women to participate, or limit it to just FAs, so we could open up & talk about whatever was on our small depraved minds without fear of being condemed. The decision was made way back then that it would be far better to encourage men & women, FA's & fat folk, to share views & get to know each other better. And that has been one of Dimensions' primary missions ever since: to foster communication & understanding & partnership between FAs (& FFAs) & fat people. To bring them together, since we seem to be a natural pairing. 

That's why it's more than a little disconcerting to read posts from women stating they are not primarily (or at ALL) interested in dating FAs. :huh: Criminy. Believe me, I knew that self-identified FAs could be losers, geeks, & creeps long before the net came along. But, as has been noted, that's true of any group of guys, of any sexual preference. 

I dunno. . .the way I look at it is, would you rather have a partner who you know loves you deeply for who you are. . .and doesn't much care one way or the other that you're fat; OR, a partner who you know loves you deeply for who you are - and passionately desires your fat body as well? :batting:

Just some thoughts to share. . .for whatever they might be worth. . .probably not a whole bloody lot, lol.


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## liz (di-va) (Mar 5, 2008)

ravfa said:


> That's why it's more than a little disconcerting to read posts from women stating they are not primarily (or at ALL) interested in dating FAs. Criminy. Believe me, I knew that self-identified FAs could be losers, geeks, & creeps long before the net came along. But, as has been noted, that's true of any group of guys, of any sexual preference.
> 
> I dunno. . .the way I look at it is, would you rather have a partner who you know loves you deeply for who you are. . .and doesn't much care one way or the other that you're fat; OR, a partner who you know loves you deeply for who you are - and passionately desires your fat body as well?



I agree. I think the desire for terminology wears the discussion out sometimes, not to mention complicates some fairly simple stuff. I also think all the discussions that turn this stuff so thoroughly inside out sometimes do the most rewarding/substantive/serious benefits of what awareness and self-selection there is a disservice, making things very complicated when they're not so much.

What's the word for a dude (_I am being my het female self here, do scuse_) who likes fat chicks, whether he knows others do or not? (FA) (Yah, that is what I'm interested in.)

I think it's agreed after a bizillion go-rounds that within a certain variability an FA means somebody who likes fat women, doesn't fetishize it, just happens to like fat chicks when it comes to the physical part of things. (Yup, that's what I'm interested in.) 

I and every other single person on this earth wants somebody who wants me for me, not just my physical appearance, and in turn wants somebody whom I both love and am attracted to. So do FAs, right. (Yup, that's what I'm interested in, those guys.)

[[Also: I think it is okay to define FA as it most commonly exists. The further fringes of it all exist for me where they exist statistically for most, I think: on the fringes. I support those things--serious feeding, gaining, extreme squashing, whatever--the way I support any sexual behavior _*when* it's approached ethically and is safe and consensual_ but I don't care about. Sometimes it seems the whole world has gone BDSM these days, with the pornification of the media, for instance, but it's still a sexual subset. And I respect its right to exist regardless, I just don't think I have to assume the whole world's into it.]]

Some guys...just like fat chicks. As I see it the real problem is that this is not a country that loves to define its sexual preferences (except pruriently) or treat them with respect, which is one reason being honest about FA-ness is not always rewarded, or is immediately seen as a fetish. Being an FA is a challenge to the don't-talk-about-it paradigm first and foremost. FAs happen to have a liking that because it falls outside the (loudly articulated) norm is either forced to be articulated when most people don't have to or forced into a higher awareness, and instead of being seen as a sign of self-knowledge and acceptance, it gets called a problem, cause society likes to work that way.

So yeah, FAs, self-identified or not, sure, bring em on. I'm fat, so...there ya go. I may gain, I may lose, but I'll never be skinny, so, chances are good that FA thing is a good place to start.

</my $.02>


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## DdeelishUK (Mar 5, 2008)

Very interesting thread 

Especially as a friend and I were just discussing this topic yesterday afternoon

My friend is a big gal herself - but she believes a man who finds fat gals a turn on is strange - weird - pervert LOL the descriptions go on 

I cannot get her to see that just because a guy loves bellies - or backsides it doesn't mean he cannot love the personality and the person too

she thinks if they are fat lovers and won't date a skinny girl they date for their own physical fetish odd reasons LOL

She is married and hasn't dated for over 10-12 years so maybe her outlook is a little dated

but I for one - would much prefer and be much more secure and confident and contented in a relationship where a guy was making it obvious he not only loved my company and my personality but my fat as well!

I have dated a man who constantly harped at my weight - and it didn't last - so all I can say is all you FA's - FFA's or whatever other label is used - don't you DARE change your views or go your own way - as this is one lady who adores you all - as long as you look on the inside as wella s the outside of your fat desires


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## tink977 (Mar 5, 2008)

Hmmm....well, I have had one experience with a self-proclaimed FA and it was negative.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 5, 2008)

ravfa said:


> That's why it's more than a little disconcerting to read posts from women stating they are not primarily (or at ALL) interested in dating FAs. :huh: Criminy. Believe me, I knew that self-identified FAs could be losers, geeks, & creeps long before the net came along. But, as has been noted, that's true of any group of guys, of any sexual preference.
> 
> I dunno. . .t*he way I look at it is, would you rather have a partner who you know loves you deeply for who you are. . .and doesn't much care one way or the other that you're fat; OR, a partner who you know loves you deeply for who you are - and passionately desires your fat body as well? :batting:
> *



I prefer a man that doesn't care one way or the other....because I believe a man that doesn't care what I weigh can find me attractive no matter what. There really IS such a thing....I have dated them and felt that my body was just as much a turn on to them as the thinner bodies of some of the other women they had been with. All this talk about FAs sometimes seem to do a disservice to the people that prefer people of various sizes .... they really can find a person attractive ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASIS. 
There have been too many conversations on these boards about men that want to leave their wives because she "dared to get thin". Reading such things doesn't leave a pleasant taste in my mouth....and truly reminds me of the men that threaten to leave their wives if "she gets fat". Same thing...just at a different end of the pendulum.
I find it incredibly hard to "trust" any man that makes my weight an issue...even a good issue.

Just because I don't prefer an FA, it doesn't mean "I don't like them" or find something wrong with them......they are just not my own preference. A woman's preference/needs are just as important as any man's.....


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## CleverBomb (Mar 6, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I prefer a man that doesn't care one way or the other....because I believe a man that doesn't care what I weigh can find me attractive no matter what. There really IS such a thing....I have dated them and felt that my body was just as much a turn on to them as the thinner bodies of some of the other women they had been with. All this talk about FAs sometimes seem to do a disservice to the people that prefer people of various sizes .... they really can find a person attractive ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASIS.
> There have been too many conversations on these boards about men that want to leave their wives because she "dared to get thin". Reading such things doesn't leave a pleasant taste in my mouth....and truly reminds me of the men that threaten to leave their wives if "she gets fat". Same thing...just at a different end of the pendulum.
> I find it incredibly hard to "trust" any man that makes my weight an issue...even a good issue.
> 
> Just because I don't prefer an FA, it doesn't mean "I don't like them" or find something wrong with them......they are just not my own preference. A woman's preference/needs are just as important as any man's.....


Two examples from my personal experience:
Before meeting The Young Lady In Question, I was all about the hourglass type (mind you, hourglass with plenty of time to spare...  ). She's very much an apple, and because of her I'm now quite partial to that sort of figure.  And, I'm sure that if she were to either gain or lose weight, I'd be partial to that too. :wubu:
On the other hand, I was seeing a woman a few years before that who had exactly the figure I wanted, and was quite pleasant to be around. However, I discovered that she was, let's just say, not exactly a good parent to her two daughters and son. As that realization dawned, I suddenly found her entirely unattractive. So, it works both ways, I suppose.

-Rusty


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## NoWayOut (Mar 6, 2008)

The way I look at it is that I find big women attractive. It's that simple. But in order to stay attractive, they have to have the right personality. That's really all I care about. If a girl doesn't have it, it doesn't matter how attractive I once found her, that goes out the window.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 6, 2008)

NoWayOut said:


> The way I look at it is that I find big women attractive. It's that simple. But in order to stay attractive, they have to have the right personality. That's really all I care about. If a girl doesn't have it, it doesn't matter how attractive I once found her, that goes out the window.



So what if you fell in love with her, spent years with her, her personality got better, she did everything in her power to have a good life with you and take care of you....but she got thin....for health reasons?


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## NoWayOut (Mar 6, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> So what if you fell in love with her, spent years with her, her personality got better, she did everything in her power to have a good life with you and take care of you....but she got thin....for health reasons?



I'd support her in that decision. It's her body, not mine, and it would be selfish for me to make her into something she didn't want to be. Even if it's not what I'd prefer physically, the fact that I loved her personality and I loved her would trump that. Love is always more important than physical attraction. So if she wanted to become thin for health reasons, I'd do what I could to help her slim down. Of course, if she later decided she was happier fat, I'd help her plump back up. I prefer big women, but I'll be happy with any size with the right personality.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 6, 2008)

NoWayOut said:


> I'd support her in that decision. It's her body, not mine, and it would be selfish for me to make her into something she didn't want to be. Even if it's not what I'd prefer physically, the fact that I loved her personality and I loved her would trump that. Love is always more important than physical attraction. So if she wanted to become thin for health reasons, I'd do what I could to help her slim down. Of course, if she later decided she was happier fat, I'd help her plump back up. I prefer big women, but I'll be happy with any size with the right personality.




Thank You :bow:


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## ravfa (Mar 6, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> So what if you fell in love with her, spent years with her, her personality got better, she did everything in her power to have a good life with you and take care of you....but she got thin....for health reasons?



GEF, is it inevitable that every fat person is going to loose weight? Is being fat by definition unhealthy so that pounds must eventually be dropped? I'm not trying to be offensive or argumentative but that seems to be where your post is leading. I'm sorry if I'm reading too much into it.

Also. ..this has probably been covered somewhere before, but I believe most FA's have a much broader range of attraction than most "average" guys. Your typical man probably finds a woman who weighs somewhere between 100-150 lbs. attractive. Many FA's can find a woman who's anywhere from under 200 to over 400 lbs. desireable. And maybe I'm being overly generous, but I don't think we're all so shallow & appearance-driven that the following scenario plays out frequently: "Hey - that roll looks smaller. Get on the scale. . .What?! You lost 20 lbs.? That's it, I'm outta here!"

I was involved with a woman who was super sized to begin with, gained over 100 lbs., then lost even more. . .and I never stopped finding her very sexy & beautiful.

I don't think you're "wrong" for wanting the type of man you do; you can desire & demand anything you want in a partner. 

But every time I see the title of this thread, the first thing that comes to my mind is the old Groucho Marx joke: "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member."


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 8, 2008)

ravfa said:


> GEF, is it inevitable that every fat person is going to loose weight? Is being fat by definition unhealthy so that pounds must eventually be dropped? I'm not trying to be offensive or argumentative but that seems to be where your post is leading. I'm sorry if I'm reading too much into it.




Errrrrr no...not at all. Some people were born fat, are fat and will always be fat. Simple enough. No problems there...not with me anyway. 
These same people are capable of living life to the fullest- without a lot of complication or health issues. 

Then there are those of us......that have health problems. I'm in the 250 range....and have been to my doctor five times in the past six weeks over BP problems. I am not yet 40 years old. Yeah, I have to do a little something about my "lifestyle"...and maybe even my weight. 

Not everyone is me.....I'm sure there are some 400+ pound people on this board, older than myself...and healthier than myself. Just saying, that for me, a higher weight can become problematic...and I want to live long enough to see my children grow up. I doubt I'm the only person that has health problems that can be exacerbated by weight....
Some people have to work harder for good health than just getting good genes. Sometimes, and you can see it posted here on occasion by fat people, people have problems from the weight. Being healthier, feeling better/more comfortable, being more mobile makes losing weight an attractive thing to some people. 
And yes, I have also seen it posted here by other fat people, they they are healthy at whatever the scale says.....that just isn't the situation for everyone. 

I also think about my sister that passed away from breast cancer. On her first go around with chemo, she lost around a 100 lbs. Personally, I couldn't imagine going through that illness and treatment...and having to worry about my spouse/lover leaving me, or feeling "tempted" by other women, just when I needed him most. 
A man that can't love me at any weight has no business being with me, period. 

***I don't find you being "argumentive" at all. Glad to have this conversation myself 



ravfa said:


> Also. ..this has probably been covered somewhere before, but I believe most FA's have a much broader range of attraction than most "average" guys. Your typical man probably finds a woman who weighs somewhere between 100-150 lbs. attractive. Many FA's can find a woman who's anywhere from under 200 to over 400 lbs. desireable. And maybe I'm being overly generous, but I don't think we're all so shallow & appearance-driven that the following scenario plays out frequently: "Hey - that roll looks smaller. Get on the scale. . .What?! You lost 20 lbs.? That's it, I'm outta here!"



I concur that FAs might have a "broader range" but not all. I have seen one, not very long ago either, post about how he thinks women 250 pounds and under are "anorexic" to him and went on to make a list of "weight class" for women. That list of his didn't settle well with some of the ladies I noticed- including myself. 
Some of the FAs here exclusively prefer "super sized" while others say they prefer them in the 180-230 lb range. FAs can be size discerning, as well. 
Oh, I also noticed that some are pretty picky about exactly WHERE a woman is fat, too.
Sorry, but when I first hit these boards I thought the same thing you said....that they dig the fat chicks in general. Not so, it seems, after reading many posts on these boards. 



ravfa said:


> I was involved with a woman who was super sized to begin with, gained over 100 lbs., then lost even more. . .and I never stopped finding her very sexy & beautiful.



I'm glad to hear this....that's the way it should be, IMO.  



ravfa said:


> I don't think you're "wrong" for wanting the type of man you do; you can desire & demand anything you want in a partner.



Exactly...what I have been saying all along. Everyone has their "preference" 



ravfa said:


> But every time I see the title of this thread, the first thing that comes to my mind is the old Groucho Marx joke: "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member."



Lol...I like being a part of this "club". I like some of the men here. I like most of the compliments I receive from FAs. I'm not really griping about anything...just saying that one of the things I hold most important in my life and relationships is being accepted...no matter what my size. Does that seem like an unreasonable request? 

Hats off to FAs ....and to those "other guys" that can find beauty in all sizes


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## LoveBHMS (Mar 8, 2008)

Canceled message i'd written but can't figure out how to cancel with edit function.


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## ravfa (Mar 9, 2008)

I also think about my sister that passed away from breast cancer. On her first go around with chemo, she lost around a 100 lbs. Personally, I couldn't imagine going through that illness and treatment...and having to worry about my spouse/lover leaving me, or feeling "tempted" by other women, just when I needed him most. 
A man that can't love me at any weight has no business being with me, period. 

I'm sorry about your sister. I can certainly understand how you feel the way you do. Under circumstances such as those, yes, I agree - for someone to leave their partner would be a shitty unconscionable thing to do. Having lost a couple of loved ones to that horrible disease probably impacts on how I feel about that as well.

Lol...I like being a part of this "club". I like some of the men here. I like most of the compliments I receive from FAs. I'm not really griping about anything...just saying that one of the things I hold most important in my life and relationships is being accepted...no matter what my size. Does that seem like an unreasonable request? 

Not in the least  I appreciate your responding to my posts so thoughtfully. I'm glad to be able to have a give-and-take discussion like this, and be able to share differing viewpoints respectfully, without acrimony or finger pointing.
Your posts are always interesting and well argued, whether I agree with them or not.


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## jewels_mystery (Mar 10, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> I love FAs but it's not because they only love my body. I think we're all in agreement that we want to be wanted for more than our bodies...but that's where the attraction starts.
> 
> I'm just saying that it thorougly pisses me off for FAs to be dogpiled or treated like circus freaks because they enjoy a larger female form when a man who enjoys a thin woman is accepted as normal.
> 
> ...



I agree. It took me a long time to come to terms with and love myself. I only date FA's who actually dated bbw/ssbbw's. I want to be with someone who adores me and my curves. I've been the first curvy girl a couple of guys dated. I do not like being the test project. yuck. Only FA's for me.


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## phatkhat (Mar 15, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> I think a lot of woman are so ashamed of their fat and their bodies that it freaks them completely out when a man finds them desirable. They don't see themselves as normal and therefore feel that a man who finds their "flaw" attractive must be weird or abnormal. That's clearly not the case. However, that mindset isn't going to change until these women start seeing themselves as "normal" and/or beautiful and not some hideously ugly or freakish FAT individual.



YES YES YES!!! The term FA is a simplified way of referring to men who prefer a woman of size, but by no means should should this infer that we FA are shallow pigs that only care about how fat a woman is and that's it. I am attracted to BBW because that's the way GOD made me (and I'm darn thankful for it!), but if my wife lost 100 lbs, I wouldn't love her any less. This I can assure you is how most men who love BBW are. We seek out women who are fat because that is the physic we are attracted to, but there is a lot more than physic when it comes to a relationship.


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