# Assumptions that fat folk will date other fat folk?



## Tad (Dec 19, 2007)

Id mentioned in another thread that I think sometimes there is an assumption that people will hook up with similar people, including that fat people will hook up with other fat people. Someone suggested that this might be worth talking about in a new thread.

I guess the first question is, do you sense this assumption from people? If you are fat, do you find people expect you to end up with someone who is fat? Maybe Im the only one who gets this impression, I dont know.

I can think of a couple of reasons that people make this sort of assumption.

On the one hand, it could be that they assume nobody likes being fat or is attracted to fat people, so thin people wont choose to hook up with fat people, so the fat people will have to settle for each other.

On the other hand, I think there is a tendency to assume that like will partner with like. That the tall lanky guy who likes folk music and hiking will be interested in the tall lanky woman interested in folk music and hiking. That one environmental activist will like another environmental activist. That someone from a particular ethnic or religious group will prefer to be with someone from the same religious or ethnic group. That a short guy will get together with a short gal. That people will seek others from similar economic and educational background as themselves. And so on. Im pretty sure that there is some truth underlying these assumptions, in that obviously similar interests and values do make a relationship more likely. But I wonder if sometimes these things happen just because everyone expects it, and that there is resistance when people go the other way. That if a tall woman falls for a short guy, the relationship is that much more likely to fail because of the extra attention and skepticism it receives. Or to put it another way, was a lot of the hatred projected towards Yoko Ono because she did not come from the same country or ethnic group as John Lennon? They stuck it out, but how many people would not have, when it seemed the whole world disapproved of them being together?

So on that last point, Im interested in the viewpoints of thin FFAwhen you are going out with a fat guy, do you feel like there is a lot of resistance to it? If so, is it because people just have a hard time believing it, or is there an underlying sense of you are breaking the rules to it? For BHM who are dating or have dated thinner FFA, did you notice resistance from others to this? Was there hostility, like you were stepping out of your place? Or out of proportion admiration, like you must be really amazing in some way, to have snagged this thin woman? 

Im curious to see others experiences and thoughts!

Regards;

-Ed


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## Fatgator (Dec 19, 2007)

I've heard that assumption throughout my life. Thin people don't think that thin women will find a fat guy attractive. If you tell them that "hey, there are women who like fat guys" they'll be like "no there aren't, and if so, not many."

One of this biggest reasons I've heard is that the only reason a fat guy guys a thin girl is because he is rich. Everyone I've seen, when they seen a fat guy with a thin girl, that is the first thing they say. "Wow, he must be rich."

I think that is prejudice on so many levels. One, you are disrespecting two people you don't even know, assuming there's something more than true attraction and bonding, which is a beautiful thing. Another prejudice is obviously thinking that fat guys are worthless unless they have money. And lastly, maybe most importantly, that's assuming that all women are gold-diggers and just want a guy for money, which wouldn't be true.

I wish people would realize that every body shape can be beautiful to other people. A fat male or female can be gorgeous and sexy as well.


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Dec 19, 2007)

In my experience, people aren't too accepting of me dating fat guys. I literally just had this conversation the other day when I was chillin' with one of my friends in his living room. He had a few friends over who know who I am... but don't know me too well. I am literally known to them as "the hot girl who likes fat guys". And for some reason, whenever I'm there it's what they chose to talk about. Of course, it's just me and a bunch of guys, so it's reasonable for them to be curious. After all, I'm not attracted to any of them because they are too thin. 
But my point is that I often get shit for not only dating fat men, but for preferring them. But I only get shit from men. Women are confused when I tell them I like fat guys, but I they don't respond with the same viciousness that men do. And the guys I was talking to about it the other day, were very vicious. Not towards me, but towards what I like. I think they went on for half an hour laughing their asses off and telling me how disgusting it is. Needless to say, I didn't laugh. And it's just how guys can be sometimes. But I notice that whenever I'm there... they always steer the conversation to be about how I find fat sexy. Honestly, they probably plan ahead for the jokes they're gonna use. 

So that's my experience with how people respond to me dating fat men. Some people respond quite differently though. When I started dating Chris and my friends found out that I finally was able to find myself a man I was physically attracted to, they congratulated me. I mean, I'm extremely open about what I like, and everyone who knows me... knows that I'm an FFA. They don't know it specifically by those terms, in fact, they refer to it as a fat fetish. But either way, being as open about it as I am... I have to expect both the negative responses and the positive ones.


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## Melian (Dec 19, 2007)

Good question, Ed.

While I have always preferred fat guys, only about half of my previous boyfriends have been fat. Obviously, there is a complex array of qualities that determine my attraction to someone, and when about 25% of the people with whom I regularly interact are fat, it will be harder to find a man who is both my physical and mental ideal (or even close...). So to others, it seems like I don't have a physical preference.

Whenever I have dated fat guys, I never really had any comments from anyone. My parents never said a word (Dad is fat, so that may have played a role); friends may have joked once or twice, but nothing sinister in intent; no random comments from people. It's amusing that even generally superficial individuals haven't bothered me about it. For example, I have done runway modelling and had my fat boyfriend in attendance, with zero comments from the other girls.

Anyone who has known me for any significant amount of time knows that I am outspoken on the topic of positive body image. I have body dysmorphic disorder and, for those who have not heard of this condition, it means that I cannot see my body/face as it actually appears; in my eyes, I will always be a hideous monstrocity. So whenever I catch a friend or relative unfairly criticising someone else's appearance, I feel the overwhelming desire to launch a verbal assault on the critic. I'm also the alpha female in my circle of friends...these qualities, together, may explain why no one harasses me about my choice in boyfriends.


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## indy500tchr (Dec 19, 2007)

I really have enjoyed the comments made by everybody. I am an SSBBW in a relationship with a BHM. This is the first guy I've ever dated that has been fat. I've never had a body type preference. Just so long as we "fit" together . I don't have a problem with my boyfriend being fat because 1. I love him 2. I don't look at weight as being an issue when it comes to dating. 3. He is the snuggliest teddybear I've ever had!

On the other hand, my boyfriend has HUGE problem with the whole fat thing. When we first started dating I asked him if he always dated bigger girls and he said yes. So I assumed he was an FA but when it came up again he said that he didn't date the girls because they were fat; it was because they were the only "kind" of girls that would date him. OMG! I was sooo angry at that statment and he didn't understand it at all. I felt like, and still sometimes do, that I've been settled for because he can't do better. Things have gotten better since then but I just couldn't believe that he would think such a thing.

That's what I thought of when I saw this post. He must think since he is fat and has such a bad image of himself that he can only date other fat girls because fat is BAD *eye roll*. Fortunately I DON'T have a body image problem and have tried to help him get over that.


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## Amor (Dec 19, 2007)

Only about 1/3rd of my past relationships have been with BHM. It's been the most recent third though. Before I started college I would always date who I was "supposed"...which were typically the jocks. Even then I knew I would perfer to be with this very cute fat boy in my grade, I had always liked, but I was worried about what people would think. Was I breaking "the rules" to like him? I thought so.
My first real relationship after graduation was with a BHM, and I've never looked back. 
Very few people react negatively towards who I date...
Like Melian, I am definitly the alpha female in my group of friends, so none of my close friends would give me a problem about who I dated, even if they had one. Strangly over time, I've realized that several of my best friends are also FFAs. We've never really talked about it much, but by watching who they've dated and married...I'm getting a pretty good idea that I'm not the only one into fat guy.
Now my parents are a totally different story. They don't seem to realize that my preference is actually for big guys. So they tend to make comments, at least little ones. They've never come out and ask...and I don't really feel like discussing much of my romantic life with my parents - unless they ask, then I'll be very honest about my attraction.
When out with a fat guy, I do occasionally get hit on by skinny guys, who can't grasp that I could be with the fat guy. However, this rarely happens, as I am very fond of tasteful P.D.A. and am typically holding hands, touching, or stealing little kisses from a guy I'm with. This seems to be an obvious hint, that I am not available, to all but the most obnixous and self absorbed guys.
Strangers in general won't say anything, but I've noticed a few odd looks over the years. However, I don't really care what they think, as long as I'm happy and with somebody who I am attracted to, who is happy being with me.


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## Wantabelly (Dec 19, 2007)

I'm in the process of coming out as an FFA and the one thing that is irritating me the most is when i point out a cute fat guy people say, you could do so much better than that...WHAT????


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## Ninja Glutton (Dec 19, 2007)

People always expect me to want to date fat girls. My friends always joke with me "Oh, Zach, we found a girl for you *snicker*" and I automatically know it's a larger lady. They don't understand when I tell them that's just not my cup of tea. I've given it many chances and had many awkward experiences because of it. I know my own body and self enough now to realize it's not for me. It kind of offends me that people assume that bigger girls are the only ones who would be attracted to me since I'm a fat guy. It's a pretty popular stereotype, but I just don't feel that way. If you're a fat couple in love and enjoying each other's bodies, then that's awesome, but I just hate being pigeon-holed like that.

EDIT: corrected type-o's


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## Miss (Dec 19, 2007)

Hmm, I suppose the current relationship I'm in is with the largest guy I've ever been with, but they've been getting progressively bigger for a while . I mean, he's not perhaps "Dimensions" standard, but he's certainly the largest man in my circle of friends and acquaintances. However, my friends and acquaintances tend to be vaguely alternative people.

I have to admit, I've not had too many assumptions from people. One of my friends is recovering from an eating disorder and couldn't understand why I liked him, except for the fact he is a giving, lovely person who is very sweet and funny. However, as she gets "better" as it were, she comes around a bit more. The only one of my other friends who had any issues was a guy who refused to speak to him because he thought he was "better" than him (presumably because the other guy in question was thinner and more "traditionally" handsome and had a crush on me for a while) until he learned that The Boy is a game developer. That changed his tune 

The only person who really has an issue is my Mother, who has a history of non-diagnosed eating disorders and when I was at my worse with body issues and ED's, would competitively under eat with me. She knows I love him, and doesn't understand why, so I don't bother telling her.

So, I haven't exactly come out to my friends but haven't felt the need to. I'm not sure why, it's just like I don't really feel the need to tell them about enjoying bondage, or guys into indie music and comics; its one of those things I prefer in a guy, but if he hasn't got them, but we "click" I'm happy with it. My friends do tend to be social "rule breakers" in general, or at least open minded, so again it's never been too much of an issue for them. I've had a few questions and admit that I like him as he is and don't want him to lose weight as I think he's perfect as he is. I think I had the main issues of such nature from him, rather than anyone else.


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## ffaboots (Dec 19, 2007)

Sorry, realized I didn't understand the original question and didn't know how to delete...


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## Tarella (Dec 19, 2007)

Hi Ed, 

Great post. I am fat and I would date a fat guy as much as I would date a thin guy or a muscular guy. My exhusband would get comments from men while we were dating/married like, "you could do better than her", "why would you date a fat girl when you are so fit?". Women often would try and hit on him even when I was right in the same area or with him. It was as if they were offended or jealous that he was with me instead of them. It didn's happen all the time but when it did, he handled it well.

I have sensed that there are people who make judgements and have beliefs that certain people should be together and that other people shouldnt be. I remember one situation while my friends and I were at a bar. There was a strikingly attractive guy dancing with this very cute shorter BBW. My friends were lusting after the guy at first, then one of them said, " Why would a guy like that, date her???" I was floored and a bit taken aback that they could be so rude and even more surprised that they would say something negative about a fat person right in front of me. I listened to them bitch on and on about it, then I said, I bet he is with her because she is gorgeous, confident, and knows how to treat him the way he wants her to. They knew by my tone of voice that they had insulted me as well as her and quickly changed the subject. 

I really have a dislike for people who are intolerant and those who like to push their views on others. That being said, I think that if a fat person doesnt want to date a fat person, that is their choice as well. Many fat people grow up being told that fat is ugly..fat it not good...fat is not attractive...fat is bad.....so it makes sense to me that this could cause a fat person to reject another fat person, even if its subconsciously........... I rambled too deeply...I know.

I also think that there is a social hierarchy that is discriminatory against fat in any form. Perhaps that has gotten better. People I know tend to think things are getting better. I really wonder if it is or not. Someone should really do a study. If you look at demographic data, overweight people tend to be in higher prevelances in lower economic brackets, and there are definately lower prevelance of obesity amoung higher economic brackets. 

Have you ever heard of a young man in business finding himself a socially appropriate wife??? I imagine we all have. That socially appropriate wife mold in general is thin, white, etc etc. 

Tara


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## PolarKat (Dec 19, 2007)

edx said:


> For BHM who are dating or have dated thinner FFA, did you notice resistance from others to this? Was there hostility, like you were stepping out of your place? Or out of proportion admiration, like you must be really amazing in some way, to have snagged this thin woman?
> -Ed




Parents were probably the most vocal, one long relationship with a slim girl, her parents were like a nightmare, to them, my weight was the be all/end all, after 2 years she started getting flak from them nightly on how I wouldn't amount to anything etc..even though I was in school, and working at the same time, it would always revolve around the theme of how I don't care for myself, so how can I do anything right.. 

Generally speaking I wouldn't say it as though I was stepping out of place, rather that people assume weight has the same "weight" as the character. It's as though they assume that fat is a commonality. I also think that people have this internal rating system based on their "eye of the beholder", and people have to line up in the rating system..like Barbie can only match Ken, if Barbie is hooked up with Skeletor.. then it's not going to work.


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## cammy (Dec 19, 2007)

Tarella said:


> Many fat people grow up being told that fat is ugly..fat it not good...fat is not attractive...fat is bad.....so it makes sense to me that this could cause a fat person to reject another fat person, even if its subconsciously........... I rambled too deeply...I know.
> Tara



This is a very interesting thought. 

Although my preference has always been for big guys, I've dated mostly thinner to chunky - I've just not met too many big guys who have been interested in me. Now, I finally have the best man ever (for me) and what a bonus - he's a BHM. My friends make no comments whatsoever except that they wish he could be cloned.


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## Size2B (Dec 20, 2007)

Remember that most people spend more time wrapped up in social bs, than best used elsewhere. This applies to everything in most people's lives, social bs is everywhere. Which is why I dislike most people. People are shallow, so stop caring (about those kind of people). If it affects you, demand they stop. If it doesn't, they're not worth it.

Giving someone a verbal thrashing about something like this issue only works if you know you can convince them otherwise. Which usually means you have to have other influence. Otherwise you only think you can change their mind. That is why most the time you be direct, brief, and don't reply anymore. It's not worth the effort because it will do nothing.

I used to do the occasional "feel good" for myself by thrashing someone, as a prior poster said they do. Now, I don't bother with that even, because it's a waste of my time. Only have so much in my life.

:bow:


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## Tad (Dec 20, 2007)

PolarKat said:


> I also think that people have this internal rating system based on their "eye of the beholder", and people have to line up in the rating system..like Barbie can only match Ken, if Barbie is hooked up with Skeletor.. then it's not going to work.



Yah, great example, that shows what I was thinking far better than I managed to say it!


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## Tad (Dec 20, 2007)

Tarella said:


> Have you ever heard of a young man in business finding himself a socially appropriate wife??? I imagine we all have. That socially appropriate wife mold in general is thin, white, etc etc.



Yes, I think this accounts for many people getting together with someone who is not really the type that they would prefer, just because it is the 'right thing.' I have at least one friend that I'm pretty sure did this.

Also the point about some fat people carrying anti-fat biasses themselves. I've seen a lot of examples of this, sadly. And sometimes I think they are the most virulent, as if they are proclaiming to the world "See, I may be fat, but I'm like the rest of you in despising it!" or something.

Thanks for chiming in


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 20, 2007)

PolarKat said:


> Parents were probably the most vocal, one long relationship with a slim girl, her parents were like a nightmare, to them, my weight was the be all/end all, after 2 years she started getting flak from them nightly on how I wouldn't amount to anything etc..even though I was in school, and working at the same time, it would always revolve around the theme of how I don't care for myself, so how can I do anything right..
> 
> Generally speaking I wouldn't say it as though I was stepping out of place, rather that people assume weight has the same "weight" as the character. It's as though they assume that fat is a commonality. I also think that people have this internal rating system based on their "eye of the beholder", and people have to line up in the rating system..like Barbie can only match Ken, if Barbie is hooked up with Skeletor.. then it's not going to work.



I wanted to Rep you for the Barbie and Skeletor matchup but I can't Rep you again.


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## Tad (Dec 20, 2007)

Size2B said:


> Remember that most people spend more time wrapped up in social bs, than best used elsewhere. This applies to everything in most people's lives, social bs is everywhere. Which is why I dislike most people. People are shallow, so stop caring (about those kind of people). If it affects you, demand they stop. If it doesn't, they're not worth it.
> 
> Giving someone a verbal thrashing about something like this issue only works if you know you can convince them otherwise. Which usually means you have to have other influence. Otherwise you only think you can change their mind. That is why most the time you be direct, brief, and don't reply anymore. It's not worth the effort because it will do nothing.
> 
> ...



Hey, I just noticed that this is your first post, Size2B! So welcome to Dimensions. If you get a chance, why not drop by the brand new introductions thread here on the BHM/FFA board, and introduce yourself? It is always nice to know at least a tiny bit about the other posters.

Regards;

-Ed


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## Tad (Dec 20, 2007)

PolarKat said:


> Parents were probably the most vocal, one long relationship with a slim girl, her parents were like a nightmare, to them, my weight was the be all/end all, after 2 years she started getting flak from them nightly on how I wouldn't amount to anything etc..even though I was in school, and working at the same time, it would always revolve around the theme of how I don't care for myself, so how can I do anything right..
> 
> Generally speaking I wouldn't say it as though I was stepping out of place, rather that people assume weight has the same "weight" as the character. It's as though they assume that fat is a commonality. I also think that people have this internal rating system based on their "eye of the beholder", and people have to line up in the rating system..like Barbie can only match Ken, if Barbie is hooked up with Skeletor.. then it's not going to work.



This reminded me of something, the halo/horns effect. This basically states that once we know one good or bad thing about someone, we tend to associate other good things with them. For example if you have people grade essays and attach pictures of the supposed authors to them (and different people see different picutres on the essays), the same essay gets an average higher grade when an attractive picture is attached to it. The person is good looking, so we expect them to be more intelligent, articulate, and so on. Then in turn, we rate the things they do in that light.

This is part of why first impressions matter so much, because they influence all the later impressions.

So, for people who have strong negative feelings about fatness, once they see that someone is fat, they judge everything else about that person much more harshly, not just the ones that could conceivably be related to the person being fat.

This is part of why, when it comes to job interviews, if I'm talking to them on the phone ahead of time I try to slide in references to my biking, skating, skiing, or at the least of walking. So that one of the first impressions they have of me is of someone who is active, before they see that I am obese. I don't know that it matters, but I figure it can't hurt.

With respect to this thread, on a kind of associated mental set of connections, people may see that someone is fat, and then associate other typical 'fat stuff' about them (eat a lot of junk food, sedentary, spend a lot of time in front of the TV, like food, etc). So maybe they would think that a slim person, who they would not presume to have those other traits, would not be happy with the fat person, for lifestyle reasons (or that they would adopt that lifestyle, and then become fat).???

Just kind of speculating there, not really sure.

-Ed


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## rabbitislove (Dec 20, 2007)

Agreed with everyone. I feel like the personal is political, and I can't break from it. Either way when I date men, I fight fatphobia, when I date women I fight homophobia. This thread reminds me of how real that is.

I take flak from everyone. Most of my boyfriends have been heavier. My parents asked how much my last ex weighed, compared to height and my mom had a fit. (I think its rude to ask these questions). My mom's family (who are mostly horrible) can be horrible about it too. My cousin will harrass me repeatedly when I'm dating a fat guy, and then say its because I'm desperate, I'm a loser and I'll never be as hot as she is (truth being she is a mess of white trash, and all her boyfriends are stick thin and hideous and always cheat on her, and basically have no future). I was an awkward kid in high school, and from senior year on I was an ugly duckling who became a swan and therefore I should now date "conventionally attractive" men. 

Worse, I've never dated a BHM with self esteem. The first guy I've ever been with and the longest relationship I've been in was abusive. He had low self esteem and always screamed at me that my preference "wasn't healthy" and always seemed to go out of his way to make me feel like shit. The last two didn't like their bodies, my current ex didn't believe I was a chubby chaser, or that I really enjoyed sex with him. 



My friends know I love fat guys and make jokes about it, but nothing vicious. As my roommate will tell me "Everyones preferences are different" (shes the reassuring mom roommate). At least they support me.

Personally I love being a tiny FFA (I'm only 5'3, and pretty slim) and the contrast between me and a BHM. I just wish I had one right now


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Dec 20, 2007)

This is an ongoing argument I have had with friends, big and small for years.

My parents instilled in me from a very young age that if I remained fat, I would never meet someone and fall in love. What they meant to say was that I would never meet and fall in love with someone WHO WASN'T also overweight and to them, overweight was unattractive. You can see the overall dilemma.

I did have my crushes on girls of all sizes. I was always too shy and introverted to act on it, and the one girl I had a huge crush on in high school (chubby girl, big boobs, artistic--basic fantasy of mine) was angry I never asked her out. I of course find this out at a reunion where she is already married with a child, but regardless...every thin girl I made moves toward rejected me outright, opting for the thinner, i.e., more attractive regardless of actual handsomeness guys. Since I didn't have a similar set of larger girlfriends as a control group, I wasn't able to accurately say that only big girls would have dated me.

As I went through life, I saw one obvious pattern around me: Big men were only with similarly big women or very homely/plain thin women. Women of all sizes, whether size 2 or 25 were with men of varying sizes, but a tiny amount of who I would classify as BHMs. If anything, their man was thin when they met/married but they gained weight over time and stayed together. 

The bbws I knew personally fell into two categories: Girls who had met their man while thin and stayed together/married, with her later on becoming bigger, or big girls who dated men of varying looks/sizes but were never in long-lasting relationships. Either it was an F-buddy situation or the guy somehow realized he could never marry a bbw or form a lasting relationship with her. My wife consistently dated thinner men in her high school and college days. About a year before I met her, she had been seeing a very intelligent, attractive and successful PhD who cared for her very much, but quite simply told her that his family would never accept him marrying a fat girl. I was, in the words of her family, the last guy she saw herself with, let alone marrying and having children.

I would also say that given the stigma I had growing up, add in the gender bias my mom had toward my sister, I'd have been a flirtatious fat girl who would have easily dated whatever guy paid attention to me. Either that or I'd be the biggest angrier-than-fuck lesbian in the world.

I would hear from bbw friends that my view was NOT the norm; many of them did not date guys that often, were often in off-dating situations, and few of them had any solid relationships of any worth with guys they picked as a physical ideal. A co-worker "cougar" dates men who are consistently GQ-good looking and much younger than she is, and she wonders why after a month of really good sex they drop her like a bad habit for someone else, or else quickly take advantage of her willingness to please and step all over her (one guy tried to have her launder stolen checks for him). She has other issues aside from her desire for pretty boys, but the gist is that she's looking for the wrong attributes and consistenly seeks out the wrong men, bemoans the fact afterwards but cannot break the cycle.

Coming to Dimensions, I realized my ideas were grossly inaccurate. Women and men of all sizes date, marry and commingle here; it's just a matter of what appeals to you personally in a potential mate. For every smaller guy/girl who dates a bbw/bhm from a fetish perspective, nine others do not and are truly attracted to that person as someone they admire and love, not to fulfill some sexual kink. Society is biased otherwise, and as one poster said, see her consistently fulfilling some sexual fetish in what is to her a serious relationship.

I think in a small part (whether it's the media, Hollywood or prejudice in general) society at large WANTS to corral big people together from some bizarre eugenics perspective that just as blended families of color and nationality will eventually dilute (and if you're a KKK member or skinhead, "pollute") the races, people with obesity breeding into non-obese populations will spread the 'disease' further into society.

I don't think that's the case. Fat is still a socially-acceptable stereotype, even while we as a species move further and further towards that as the norm. In little over 10,000 years, we have moved from a hunter-gatherer society to a civilized one relying less on exercise. Alan Weisman's book The World Without Us classifies humans now as _Homo sedentarian_, reflective of our gradually obesity-accepting lifestyles, or ease in obtaining food without exercise and general consumption of every resource around us. The gradual shift of human society will be toward obesity given the predilection for nutritionally-empty, calorically-intensive foods, lifestyles that require less (or worse, carefully scheduled) intense exercise, and entertainment that removes as much movement as possible from our day. This is natural selection at work. You could say that if an Ice Age were to befall us tomorrow, would obese people, being more efficient at storing fat be more likely to survive, or would the faster hunter-type humans be the only ones to catch and eat the animals?

I figure I've sufficiently digressed off topic, so I will end there :bow:


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## Surlysomething (Dec 20, 2007)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> I was, in the words of her family, the last guy she saw herself with, let alone marrying and having children.



How lovely


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## Surlysomething (Dec 20, 2007)

I started to look back thinking of the men I was attracted to over the years and I didn't think it was BHM specific (being a BBW myself) but if I think harder, as I grew older, I definitely honed my attraction to bigger men.

I personally like feeling feminine and I don't feel that way around men that are smaller than myself. Or at least a LOT thinner. I also like the way I look as part of a couple. How we compliment each other.

I vary between "husky", "chubby", "big and tall" or "size appropriate with a belly", so yes, I like the big boys.

If you had a chance to look at a dating site profile of mine you'd probably laugh because I have such a "type". Goatee, dark hair and eyes, bigger.

I can appreciate aesthetically beautiful people, but my heart and sexuality always zeroes in on the big boy.

Thank you, Dan Connor (John Goodman).


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 20, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I started to look back thinking of the men I was attracted to over the years and I didn't think it was BHM specific (being a BBW myself) but if I think harder, as I grew older, I definitely honed my attraction to bigger men.
> 
> I personally like feeling feminine and I don't feel that way around men that are smaller than myself. Or at least a LOT thinner. I also like the way I look as part of a couple. How we compliment each other.
> 
> ...



My story is similar to yours Surly. I never considered myself to have a specific type that I went for but most of the guys I dated were husky, chubby types. I recall my mother used to make fun of my love interests and it was always a snarky comment about his physique even though mine was bigger than his in most cases. I never thought of it as anything, I just liked what I liked. I've liked men of all sizes but BHM seem to be of particular interest. I was still reluctant to label myself as an FFA because I don't like all fat men nor do I like someone just because they're eyecatching or fat. I find many types attractive. When a guy has a great personality, a great smile, he's smart and mature I get all giddy. Though patternwise I seem to develope crushes on big and tall men more often. I had a huge crush on Abraham Benrubi when he was in "Parker Lewis Can't Lose." Now he's in "Men In Trees." :wubu: *le sigh*


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## Surlysomething (Dec 20, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> My story is similar to yours Surly. I never considered myself to have a specific type that I went for but most of the guys I dated were husky, chubby types. I recall my mother used to make fun of my love interests and it was always a snarky comment about his physique even though mine was bigger than his in most cases. I never thought of it as anything, I just liked what I liked. I've liked men of all sizes but BHM seem to be of particular interest. I was still reluctant to label myself as an FFA because I don't like all fat men nor do I like someone just because they're eyecatching or fat. I find many types attractive. When a guy has a great personality, a great smile, he's smart and mature I get all giddy. Though patternwise I seem to develope crushes on big and tall men more often. I had a huge crush on Abraham Benrubi when he was in "Parker Lewis Can't Lose." Now he's in "Men In Trees." :wubu: *le sigh*




Oh, I know who HE is. Jerry from ER...mmmm. Good call, Lilly.


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## RevolOggerp (Dec 21, 2007)

I've heard that assumption many times. I'll be at the mall with someone and when that someone sees a fat lady walking by, he will say... "Hey, that woman is perfect for a big guy like you!" When I ask why he says that, he says that big guys date big women... and vice versa. I reminded him that everyone likes different people. I even teased him because he likes to have sex with big women and he's a short 5'5" cuban.


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## Knyghtmare (Dec 21, 2007)

The other assumption is that all fat people MUST be related. I dont know how many times I have been asked if I was so and so's bother or relation just because said person was fat.


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## cute_obese_girl (Dec 21, 2007)

It's really hard to tell if men have made that assumption of me because my preference is fat men anyway.

My family, lovely people that they are , for the most part believe no one fat or thin would date me because I'm an SSBBW.

My friends are very open minded and love me (which is why they're my friends) so they assume anyone would date me if I so desired. 

So for me personally, this assumption has not affected me at all.


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## Molly (Dec 21, 2007)

I am a thin FFA: Back when I was dating a SSBHM... I got flack from every compass point.

My 'friends' (who knew the guy pretty well) made fun of me quite a bit, and did the "pointing out every fat guy" thing to me.

We always got head-spins when we went out places together, hand in hand. I had numerous experiences where men would approach us and say "how lucky he was" to be with me. 

And one time, we were out at a club, minding our own business, being affectionate when a couple of drunk young men came up and started the "we're not worthy!" Wayne's World routine. They were at it for a good couple minutes ranting about "what I was doing with a fat guy like him", "he must be wicked in the sack", "is he rich?" (just about every stereotype available.) I was ready to kill by the end of it! 

That stuff REALLY pisses me off. It is NOBODY else's business who I love. The nerve of some people...

My mom was weird about it. She always said things to me like "I'm really proud of you for not judging someone because of their looks". I guess she couldn't imagine that I really liked big men.

I think my community of friends and family are much more understanding now.


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## zayus1979 (Dec 21, 2007)

What an interesting discussion...

I've been a big fat dude all my life, but the freinds I've chosen to surrond myself with generally don't give me shit about it. I don't get the "hey, you should date her *snicker*" deal too much. But I don't get introduced to girls either, not in the way I see them doing for other thinner people in our circle of freinds. I'm not dumb, I know the reason is my size, if noone will say it. It's become kind of a joke, whenever someone talks about some girl they met (in whatever context), I'll ask "Is she into fat dudes?" The awnser has not yet been "yes."


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## cammy (Dec 21, 2007)

zayus1979 said:


> What an interesting discussion...
> It's become kind of a joke, whenever someone talks about some girl they met (in whatever context), I'll ask "Is she into fat dudes?" The awnser has not yet been "yes."



You may be very surprised - in real life, we FFAs are generally quite closed-mouthed about our preference until we actually find our BHM. If you read some of the other posts, you'll see what I mean. My guy has always been big and it took me 2 years to tell him directly - and then it was only when he brought up dieting. Funny thing, a couple of my girlfriends have seen the light and are now dating bigger guys.


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## Fatgator (Dec 21, 2007)

I'm not too surprised about FFA's being closed-mouth...if they were open about it, Big guys like me wouldn't have such a hard time finding one lol. 

I've never actually met an FFA in person.


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## zayus1979 (Dec 21, 2007)

Reading this thread, though, I can see why they'd be close mouthed about it. Seams those who decide to be open about their prefrences meet mostly scorn and disbelief. Be it from skinny guys who automatically see anyone more robust as benieth them, family with misplaced concern, or freinds who think they are funnier then they actually are, the life of an open FFA can be full of judgement, and if they can avoid it I can't blame them.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 21, 2007)

People in general are pretty insecure, paranoid and xenophobic. It's the rare individual who actually has people flopping out in front of them declaring their affections. Aside from the catcalls at consrtuction sites and seedy bars all across the world, normal people are usually pretty tight lipped about their attractions to random people they see or meet. Just about everybody has moments where they wonder why they're like lepers at public gatherings and social events regardless of size but in general most folks aren't so forward as to approach a stranger. 

Once a relationship starts, unless she's married and trying to hide the affair I'd be surprised if any woman would be afraid to be seen with you. Far be it from me to speak for all FFA's, but at least for me the only thing worse than being needled about my choices is not having any. As far as I'm concerned there IS nobody worth sacrificing my happiness for. If otherwise sane women would cat fight over a pair of Manolo Blanic shoes on the bargain table at Marshall's surely they won't have any problem staring down anybody who tries to steal or dis their guy.


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## pani (Dec 24, 2007)

As Tarella said, there is internalized self-hatred. Once I was so angry at my midsized BBW friend who complained she was fixed up on a blind date with a fat guy. Really, another midsized BHM. After all our complaining about how society has treated us, I was so disappointed. And she said she was rude the whole date, which was even more disappointing. One can be polite on one date, it was not like she had to marry the guy.

I also appreciate your larger point about people assuming birds of a feather flock together. My ex was Japanese American. NO ONE ever assumed we were a couple. They were always confused. Yet, once I had some homeless man do some odd jobs around my house. When I went to the home improvement stores with him, people immediately assumed he was my husband. This big old beard down to his knees, six grade drop out alcoholic! Just because he was white. It drove my nuts!

p.s. Tarella, you are drop dead gorgeous! Any woman who hit on your ex in your presence was clearly out of her league and too dumb to know it. As for your friends, meow meow! There were probably just jealous. I have had many friends who would be considered "average" make fat remarks around me. I guess they needed to cling to their lack of body fat as the one quality they had.


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 24, 2007)

pani said:


> Yet, once I had some homeless man do some odd jobs around my house. When I went to the home improvement stores with him, people immediately assumed he was my husband. This big old beard down to his knees, six grade drop out alcoholic! Just because he was white. It drove my nuts!



How would a store clerk know these things about the man you hired to do odd jobs for you? Perhaps they assumed that he was your husband because he was at the store with you?


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## AnnMarie (Dec 24, 2007)

pani said:


> As Tarella said, there is internalized self-hatred. Once I was so angry at my midsized BBW friend who complained she was fixed up on a blind date with a fat guy. Really, another midsized BHM. After all our complaining about how society has treated us, I was so disappointed. **snipped**



I'm not sure I can understand the disappointment with her (other than her being rude, there is no excuse for that!). But she was set up with a fat guy based on someone's assumptions, I'm guessing? Sort of what Ed is asking here... do the assumptions of others match fat partners together despite our own preferences and predilections? Seems your story proves that point. 

She wasn't attracted to/interested in a fat partner _just because_ she's fat. She was upset that an assumption was made.

While I understand there are value judgments on fat-bad, thin-good - but often it's not about that at all, just about what we - as individuals - find attractive, and ALL assumptions about what we "should" like should be left at the doorstep.


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 24, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> How would a store clerk know these things about the man you hired to do odd jobs for you? Perhaps they assumed that he was your husband because he was at the store with you?



This is so funny b/c i was scrolling down here to post this, and it was already posted. I also sort of doubt the store clerk knew the guy was a lush who'd dropped out of the 6th grade. If he was sorta raggedly looking maybe the clerk figured he was doing some sort of construction/plumbing handywork around the house?


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## pani (Dec 24, 2007)

I really didn't expect store clerks to know EVERYTHING about that man. But he was always unkept and ungroomed. He had a very "good old boy" style of speech. Furthermore, I think that body language can give clues to a relationship. I would never stand very close to him, mainly because I didn't want to send him any wrong signals. (One time he started telling me about some woman who hired him and seduced him and I didn't want him to think it was going to happen with me!) I always tried to keep an employer/employee relationship which screamed professional distance. Yet, it happened more than once that clerks assumed we were married. On the other hand, I could be holding hands with my Japanese ex, or we could have our arms around each other and people would always ask about the relationship! Or we would just get this puzzled look! Over and over again. Often it was subtle, but it was there. I wouldn't be so offended about people assuming I was married to the homeless man if I hadn't experienced kissing my ex in public and being starred at quizically, "So, are you guys a couple????"

Ann Marie I don't understand your point! My friend WAS disappointed that this guy was fat! It is not like the mutual friend had numerous single friends to choose from. They didn't say, "Hey, x is fat, z is fat, so lets put them together. As a matter of fact, they both had a relatively rare common interest, which is why the mutual friend thought of them! Being fat was the FIRST thing she noticed about him, and never gave him a chance after that. How is that different then if the guy had been thin and dished her for the same reason? Furthermore, my friend never expressed a preference in body styles. She rants about superficiality! So they probably thought she didn't care about something like that based on what she always claimed to believe. At any rate, last I heard the mutual friends fixed the guy up with a thin girl, they hit it off and got married. So all is well that ends well!


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## Britannia (Dec 24, 2007)

I have never thought that fat people solely stuck to fat people... probably because, growing up, I got to see my mother date many men who were all very tall and moderately to quite overweight, with goatees and bald heads (those last two are her thing... not mine). I never had it engrained in me that fat + thin = bad. I always have thought that it was based on personal preference, and I guess I just picked up the personal fat-preference from my mother.

I've received quite a bit of flack for saying that I like big guys. Typically, only rude "pretty boys" with no emotional or spiritual awareness whatsoever try to ask me out. I've never, ever been asked out by a guy that I've been genuinely physically attracted to. 

It's always been me doing the asking-out, and usually I get turned down... and I sincerely think it's because other people have that brain-wash lame-ass idea that a girl of my aesthetics would not want to date or fuck them. The dating relationship usually ends up failing anyways, sometimes because of the normal reasons, but also sometimes I think it's because society - and the individual guy I'm dating - just doesn't accept what I consider to be totally, benignly okay. It's really very frustrating. 

I don't connect fatness with laziness, bad moral character, or that because a person has a certain body type it means that they only want another certain body type.

It's pure bullshit, and has definitely made the dating scene more difficult for me.


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## IwannabeVERYfat (Dec 24, 2007)

I would happily date either a slim FFA, or a BBW, as long as they loved Me for who I am


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## Wanderer (Dec 25, 2007)

pani said:


> I also appreciate your larger point about people assuming birds of a feather flock together. My ex was Japanese American. NO ONE ever assumed we were a couple. They were always confused. Yet, once I had some homeless man do some odd jobs around my house. When I went to the home improvement stores with him, people immediately assumed he was my husband. This big old beard down to his knees, six grade drop out alcoholic! Just because he was white. It drove my nuts!



Tell me about it. People used to think I was married to my _mother!_ All because we'd banter and chat back and forth, they'd assume we had some weird May-December marriage going... and no offense to anyone _in_ a May-December relationship is intended. What made it weird was that it involved my mother.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 25, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> I'm not sure I can understand the disappointment with her (other than her being rude, there is no excuse for that!). But she was set up with a fat guy based on someone's assumptions, I'm guessing? Sort of what Ed is asking here... do the assumptions of others match fat partners together despite our own preferences and predilections? Seems your story proves that point.
> 
> She wasn't attracted to/interested in a fat partner _just because_ she's fat. She was upset that an assumption was made.
> 
> While I understand there are value judgments on fat-bad, thin-good - but often it's not about that at all, just about what we - as individuals - find attractive, and ALL assumptions about what we "should" like should be left at the doorstep.




What she said......  :bow:


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## William (Dec 25, 2007)

Hi Ann

I think that when it comes to the point where a person vocally complains (goes off) about being matched with a person of a similar size that there is something much more going on than just preference. You do not hear of thin people on blind dates so vocally complaining of being matched with a person of a similar size. Some Fat People are the biggest Fat haters around.

William




AnnMarie said:


> I'm not sure I can understand the disappointment with her (other than her being rude, there is no excuse for that!). But she was set up with a fat guy based on someone's assumptions, I'm guessing? Sort of what Ed is asking here... do the assumptions of others match fat partners together despite our own preferences and predilections? Seems your story proves that point.
> 
> She wasn't attracted to/interested in a fat partner _just because_ she's fat. She was upset that an assumption was made.
> 
> While I understand there are value judgments on fat-bad, thin-good - but often it's not about that at all, just about what we - as individuals - find attractive, and ALL assumptions about what we "should" like should be left at the doorstep.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 25, 2007)

I agree with you William, but there is a thin line between someone trying to be helpful and someone being ignorant. When I attended a classical music summer progam when I was younger I was one of the only black women in an all white scene, something that never really registered in my mind - we're all just folks trying to learn. People were pairing off and hooking up as these things usually go and I was enjoying the summer. Then all of a sudden a tuba player joined the program midway. He was an attractive black man from NC and suddenly it seemed people were trying to get us together. It was so transparent to me and the trumpet player that all we could do was just look at each other smirking and shaking out heads. Not that either of us found anything wrong with the other, it was just the assumption that because we were both black naturally we were meant for each other. As it turns out, I have family from NC and after a few inquiries it was discovered that tuba boy and I were related.  Obviously I have no problems with black men but if every time a black man walks in the door everyone steps back because they think we're going to run to each other it gets annoying.





William said:


> Hi Ann
> 
> I think that when it comes to the point where a person vocally complains (goes off) about being matched with a person of a similar size that there is something much more going on than just preference. You do not hear of thin people on blind dates so vocally complaining of being matched with a person of a similar size. Some Fat People are the biggest Fat haters around.
> 
> William


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## William (Dec 25, 2007)

Hi Lilly

I see your point about annoying match-ups but for many people it is just a excuse to vocalize their disgust towards other Fat People of the other gender. It is obvious that your interaction with the guy in the music program did not leave him feeling like crap because he was Black. In situations like this there is no reason to make it a public issue unless that is what a person wants to do.

William






LillyBBBW said:


> I agree with you William, but there is a thin line between someone trying to be helpful and someone being ignorant. When I attended a classical music summer progam when I was younger I was one of the only black women in an all white scene, something that never really registered in my mind - we're all just folks trying to learn. People were pairing off and hooking up as these things usually go and I was enjoying the summer. Then all of a sudden a tuba player joined the program midway. He was an attractive black man from NC and suddenly it seemed people were trying to get us together. It was so transparent to me and the trumpet player that all we could do was just look at each other smirking and shaking out heads. Not that either of us found anything wrong with the other, it was just the assumption that because we were both black naturally we were meant for each other. As it turns out, I have family from NC and after a few inquiries it was discovered that tuba boy and I were related.  Obviously I have no problems with black men but if every time a black man walks in the door everyone steps back because they think we're going to run to each other it gets annoying.


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## Jon Blaze (Dec 27, 2007)

Britannia said:


> I have never thought that fat people solely stuck to fat people... probably because, growing up, I got to see my mother date many men who were all very tall and moderately to quite overweight, with goatees and bald heads (those last two are her thing... not mine). I never had it engrained in me that fat + thin = bad. I always have thought that it was based on personal preference, and I guess I just picked up the personal fat-preference from my mother.
> 
> I've received quite a bit of flack for saying that I like big guys. Typically, only rude "pretty boys" with no emotional or spiritual awareness whatsoever try to ask me out. I've never, ever been asked out by a guy that I've been genuinely physically attracted to.
> 
> ...



I'm not a BHM, but I liked this post.
HOME RUN!


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## k1009 (Dec 27, 2007)

pani said:


> I really didn't expect store clerks to know EVERYTHING about that man. But he was always unkept and ungroomed. He had a very "good old boy" style of speech. Furthermore, I think that body language can give clues to a relationship. I would never stand very close to him, mainly because I didn't want to send him any wrong signals. (One time he started telling me about some woman who hired him and seduced him and I didn't want him to think it was going to happen with me!) I always tried to keep an employer/employee relationship which screamed professional distance.



Body language? You're seriously expecting someone who works for minimum wage and has to deal with customer crap all day to pay attention to your body language? You severely overestimate the interest of the average retail worker in your circumstances.

I'm not really attracted to big guys but I'm superficial and insecure so even if I was I'd worry about people looking at us and assuming neither of us could do any better. I feel sad that I'm that way .


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## jdwhitak (Dec 29, 2007)

Like everyone else I have my own preferences ( I like thin to chubby women), but it seems around here (Indianapolis) only large women show any kind of interest in me. I'm starting to think I just might have to learn to like larger women. By the way, I'm talking purely about physical attraction here. I've met several large women whose personality I was extremely attracted to. I just wasn't digging them physically.


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## Gypsy Bombshell (Jan 19, 2008)

Wow, this was a very interesting thread. It got me thinking in so many different directions, I dont know where to begin.

First off I am obviously an SSBBW, and being a web model, I know alot of people don't take me seriously, but I would like to put my two cents in also. 

I was always told as a child and young adult, by my very obese father I might add, that no men would ever be attracted to me because of my size. Fortunately I figured out for myself years later that this wasnt true.

I always dated skinny guys because I thought there was no way a big guy and I would be compatable sexually. I used to look at a BBW/BHM couple and wonder, how do they do it?!? lol

Until I met my ex. He was not my type as far as size went but in every other way he was. So I gave it a chance. After 3 years together I could not imagine being with a thin man again. I tried dating a few skinny guys after him, but I kept finding myself looking for more to hold on to, it just wasnt the same. Since him I have been with two other men, one of them was a mid sized BHM (sounds like Im talking about a car lol) "average"and fit in every way except he had a big belly and chubby face. Now I am with the biggest guy I have ever been with. He is wonderful in every way, but I am having issues with his size. I feel so terrible about it because I feel like such a hypocrit being so big myself. I met him online and we fell in love long distance and never met in person until I moved here to be with him. I had only seen pics of his face or old pictures of him so I didnt expect him to be so big. Sex is hard for us and when I look at him sometimes I find myself wondering what he wold look like if he would just lose a little weight. And he eats continuously all day long. I have tried making more nutritious meals and buying healthier snacks because he has health issues, but he just complains. I cant help but think that I am a bad person for wanting him to lose weight. I do not feel embarassed at all being seen with him, so it has nothing to do with what others think, the only problems are 1: his health; 2: our sex life, and 3; I dont find gluttony attractive. I love him so much and he is the first man that has treated me this well. So I am in a dillema.

Another thing that really annoys me, is that so many people think that I am with big guys because that is all I can get being so big myself, but I have been with some of the fittest, sexiest (by societies standards) men and I found alot of things lacking in them. They tended to hide their attraction to big girls, and many times were very vain! 

Besides, I dont care what other people think, I need a man that makes me feel safe and comfortable, and nothing does that like a BHM!!!:wubu:


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 19, 2008)

Hey Gypsy Bombshell. I'm a webmodel too and a regular poster around Dimesnions. So are AnnMarie, Ivy, BigCutieSasha, BigBellySSBBW and others I can't pull up from my mental database just now. There are plenty of reasons you may get flipped off around here but being a web model isn't one of them.  

Thanks for posting! 




Gypsy Bombshell said:


> Wow, this was a very interesting thread. It got me thinking in so many different directions, I dont know where to begin.
> 
> First off I am obviously an SSBBW, and being a web model, I know alot of people don't take me seriously, but I would like to put my two cents in also.
> 
> ...


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Jan 19, 2008)

Tarella said:


> I am fat and I would date a fat guy as much as I would date a thin guy or a muscular guy. My exhusband would get comments from men while we were dating/married like, "you could do better than her", "why would you date a fat girl when you are so fit?". _Women often would try and hit on him even when I was right in the same area or with him. It was as if they were offended or jealous that he was with me instead of them. _It didn's happen all the time but when it did, he handled it well.
> 
> *I have sensed that there are people who make judgements and have beliefs that certain people should be together and that other people shouldnt be.*



Oh this is *definitely* true. Very much so...and all of the experiences about people looking harder at or acting weirder around a couple that seem to "not fit together" in respect to what they think of as "ideal" or appropriate...and this thinking is -very- common...not exceptional.

However, I do have to say that I have observed that is more acceptable in the general society's eyes for a much larger man to date a small woman than the other way around. People stare and gawk more at the latter, seeing it as less acceptable. I think this is so because femininity is considered to include smallness, daintiness and petiteness...a stature that indicates to many people a feeling of needing protection from something bigger, huskier, stronger and the like...whether it be by muscularity, height and/or extra weight on a man...basically bigness period in some shape or form.

With this mindset, it is easy to see why the larger man/smaller woman dynamic is a lot more acceptable and commonly themed in various arenas of society than the other way around. Does this make any sense? 

I am not saying this to invalidate anyone's experiences that are to the contrary, but this is what I've always perceived, understood and seen while growing up...in the media/movies/magazines/couple references/out and about, etc.


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## Gypsy Bombshell (Jan 19, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Hey Gypsy Bombshell. I'm a webmodel too and a regular poster around Dimesnions. So are AnnMarie, Ivy, BigCutieSasha, BigBellySSBBW and others I can't pull up from my mental database just now. There are plenty of reasons you may get flipped off around here but being a web model isn't one of them.
> 
> Thanks for posting!



YAY!!  I love Dimensions!!! :kiss2:


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## RevolOggerp (Jan 26, 2008)

Gypsy Bombshell said:


> Wow, this was a very interesting thread. It got me thinking in so many different directions, I dont know where to begin.
> 
> First off I am obviously an SSBBW, and being a web model, I know alot of people don't take me seriously, but I would like to put my two cents in also.
> 
> ...


I know what you mean. 

I was the same way. I'm a big guy.

I've always had an attraction towards women who were skinny. It was mostly the big breasts that got my attention.

One night, I met this woman. She wasn't skinny. She was 38DD-25-50. At first, I never thought about it and simply looked at her like I looked at everyone else... as someone I could be friends with. That night, I ended up enjoying our conversation and began to realize how attractive she really was.

After we broke up, the way I looked at women... changed. Now, I don't care much for whether the woman is skinny or not. In fact, I've always thought that bigger hips were more attractive than those without hips.


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## babette (Feb 2, 2008)

people sometimes make remarks on the street, at least were i live (well, used to live). 
once me and my ex were going out and guy that was passing by said 'wow, if i was that fat maybe i would have a hot girl like her' or something like that. anyways, he said that in negative sense. i found it hilarious and thought that he probably you would. but bf didn't find it amusing at all. it took me long time to convince him that i actually find him attractive.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 3, 2008)

RevolOggerp said:


> After we broke up, the way I looked at women... changed.




I think that changes like this are a natural occurence as we all get older/mature. We tend to want "something different" or "new" to us. Like food, friends, places we hang out get to be not as interesting as it once was.....so do the people we prefer to date. Trying something new is a spice of life, IMO 


Also.....just as having a bad dating experience might taint your perceptions and preferences in the future, it seems to make sense that good dating experiences could do the same.


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## CleverBomb (Feb 3, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I think that changes like this are a natural occurence as we all get older/mature. We tend to want "something different" or "new" to us. Like food, friends, places we hang out get to be not as interesting as it once was.....so do the people we prefer to date. Trying something new is a spice of life, IMO
> 
> 
> Also.....just as having a bad dating experience might taint your perceptions and preferences in the future, it seems to make sense that good dating experiences could do the same.


True. Worked for me 
Over time, I've ended up dating progressively larger women, in part because I've had good experiences along the way. 

-Rusty
(Disclaimer -- not a BHM, but far from skinny)


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 3, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> -Rusty
> (Disclaimer -- not a BHM, but far from skinny)




You seem hot no matter what you weigh


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## CleverBomb (Feb 3, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You seem hot no matter what you weigh


...and likewise, m'dear.:bow:

Though for what it's worth, I've never particularly cared what anyone weighed.
Might have known within a dozen lbs or so, but didn't find it terribly important.

-Rusty


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## Bacchus (Feb 7, 2008)

Being a fat guy it has always been my eperience that people expected me to date no one, fat or other wise ,with the exception of my stepfather ,which suggests that I pursue every singal ne'erdowell availiable, because of course thats all someone of my size can obtain.


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