# Being "picky"



## lozonloz (Jun 6, 2011)

Renewal of an argument I have often with my best (girl)friend. Basically, she thinks I'm too "picky" about who I'm interested in.

This is fairly true, I am picky, but not because I have what I consider to be unreasonable standards, but because I am very rarely attracted to someone I haven't speant some time with or communicated with. 

So if someone comes on to me in a crowded bar where I cant hear what they're saying, they're going to get nowhere.

The result of this is that I rarely date and it seems to bother my friend that I haven't ever been in a long relationship. Part of this I think comes from the fact that she has never had a problem finding a boyfriend and she has many self esteem issues that means that she sees herself as unattractive (though she's georgeous). Her attitude is that if someone like her can find someone easily, I should be able to as well. But part of it I feel is the unsaid belief that someone like me should just settle for what she can get.

It's an irritating belief, and one I know large people run up against a lot, not just me.

I've just always firmly believed that its better to be without a partner and be happy with friends, family and education or career then to settle for someone, even on a temporary basis, that doesnt do it for me emotionally intellectually or physically. 

Who else is seen as "picky"?


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## CarlaSixx (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm deeeefinitely seen as picky. I guess in a sense I am, but that's just because I think I'm worth more effort than a "hi, how are you? We're dating now."

That's basically how most of my friends have gone about with dating. They meet someone, spend about 10 minutes flirting, and instantly are welded together at the hip and call themselves boyfriends/girlfriends/whateva. I don't like this approach whatsoever. I've never done it and refuse to do it.

I think relationships take time to build. I date, but I haven't been in a relationship in years. Usually I don't go past a first date, though. Either both of us didn't like each other enough on the date, or the other person was just too much of an ass. My friends know this dating experience I have, and yet they still think I'm too picky.

I'd rather meet someone, go on a few dates, and if we like each other after maybe 3 or 4 dates, then see if the label fits. Not before that. I need time to like a person. They have to grow on me. 

My friends are all about either the eye candy or the "omgtheylikeme?wowilurvethem!" stuff. :doh:

Sometimes it makes me really wonder how we're even friends... because this stuff is what they live for and basically all they wanna talk about.


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## penguin (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm picky and I don't have a problem with it. I did my slutting about and dating whoever after I split with my ex, which was fun. Since having a kid, I've been far pickier about who I want to be involved with. I only started dating again in December last year, and until then, it had been years since I'd met anyone I'd found interesting enough to want to date.


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## SSBBW Katerina (Jun 6, 2011)

.... with a light dusting of optimism-- and its getting lighter/ more impatient. LOL. I've got the right to be as much as anyone else. Never settle. No one really complains when some broad thats thin enough to walk through a harp is this way. So voila. We should be. You won't catch my hips on Maury Povich or Jerry Springer because I settled and wasn't picky enough w/ low or no self esteem.


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## Pitch (Jun 6, 2011)

I dont think its wrong to be picky.

I wont give someone the time of day in a bar, either. That's like....the wrongest and most irritating place to meet someone and there's an 80% chance they are going to be a douchebag anyway. Because you met them in a bar. I go on date-free stretches for YEARS because I am so picky in combination with being fat and so few people accepting a fat, apple shaped frame.

She calls them dry spells. I call them therapy. I already sewed my wild oats anyway


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 6, 2011)

*SUBSCRIBES*

I could have said just about everything in this post. I haven't dated in so long I'm embarassed to even say. Honestly I'm more content this way. I tried the other way and not only was I no better off but it actually took away parts of my soul. Not for me.


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## randomjenerator (Jun 6, 2011)

Romantic relationships rank high on the common scale of values in our society. I'm not sure why, but for some of us, it just ranks a little lower. 

I think, personally, being an introvert is one of the factors in my case. While I enjoy socializing, it's just my main energy sucker, so I require more "alone" time. People can confuse "alone" with being "lonely", especially extroverts that recharge the opposite way. 

I finally have friends that get it. They know me well enough to know why I have stayed single and am in no rush. Don't want kids and I'm "meh" about marriage. However, that doesn't mean I am not interested in a committed relationship. It's nice to have friends that aren't constantly trying to figure out "what's wrong" with me. However, if I did have friends like that...I wouldn't let it bother me. I know some people just don't relate, no more than I would to their need for husband/wife/kids/pets. 

It may sound really lame, but I'm just kind of like "Oh, we'll find each other if we're supposed to.", or something equally simplistic (but true).


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## superodalisque (Jun 6, 2011)

i wonder why its considered picky of a woman doesn't want to take just any old thing? i'll give anyone a chance to be wonderful to me but i won't accept anyone who isn't. life is too short.


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## ConnieLynn (Jun 6, 2011)

Me


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## bbwlibrarian (Jun 7, 2011)

I'm unbearably picky according to some unestablished standard quoted by my lady friends. A man has to have the right balance of nerdiness, introversion, common sense, feminist thinking, and quirky sexiness to spin my wheels. I've been labeled by the aformentioned group of friends as the "old maid," even while I was in a relationship for over 3 years! Granted, I'm not exactly the fish in the sea you'd pick first to mount and hang in your study for all eternity, but I find being "picky" a protective measure. Sure, my other friends have had more luck dating and screwing various men, but the few men I got are really interesting and intelligent people and I can say I enjoyed my time with them. Not many of my friends can say they've gotten much quality for their quantity. I'd rather be perpetually alone than have numerous relationships with very little depth. Like some of you above, I'm introverted and I hate having people encroach on my space, so those who do so should be worth the hassle.


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## JulieD (Jun 7, 2011)

ahem...ladies, we have vaginas...we should be picky...if you are someone who has a vagina and is not picky, hence allowing anything to hump you, you void all rights to cry or whine or bitch about the douche lord men/women you allow to do you...everyone knows that the picky ladies are not the ones crying that they are lonely or feel the need to be with a man to be happy...most picky ladies i know are just content with their pickiness...

and to the unhappy picky ladies... there is no one perfect person, male or female... re-evaluate your picky standards and come to a reasonable acceptance...im just saying give the good guys/gals a break...they will be the ones to love you forever if you do...

and yes, i am picky...


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## CastingPearls (Jun 7, 2011)

Notwithstanding the fact that I have demonstrated abysmal judgment a few time, I am indeed quite choosy because I'm worth it.


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## SarahLaughsAlot (Jun 7, 2011)

i will be the first person to admit, i'm a picky person. I don't think it's a bad thing. My friends some of them have very low standards for themselves. They support their boyfriends, basically take on a child instead of a romance ya know. I don't want that. I also tend to be very very very good to the men i date, just sayin lol. I don't wanna be good to someone who's not going to appreciate it and not give me any of that in return. "you might as well learn how to love trash if you don't know how to treat class baby!" and that's the best dating advice i can give any girl. You're worth as much as you think you're worth. never settle 
&#9829;
Sarah


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## Tau (Jun 7, 2011)

I don't like the term picky - it brings to mind fussy, old grandma's moaning about the kind of milk they put in their tea. I consider the business of finding a companion a very serious thing and I will not settle for somebody who does not share my values. I don't think that's being picky - it's displaying common sense and a very healthy sense of self-respect.

I'm home for the vac and catching up with a number of female friends has left me even more determined not to simply hook myself up to the first male person who drools in my direction. One of my friends married a guy who cheated on her a week before their wedding. She knew this and married him anyway - now she's miserable but considers herself better off than me because she is now in possession of that ultimate girly accessory - a man. Another has been wed less than 7 months and is seeking a divorce. Latching onto partners who are not suitable just for the sake of being in a relationship is not only incredibly sad it is also incredibly self-destructive. Do not let anybody talk you into partnering up with somebody who is not worthy of you. Relationships are meant to make your more, not less.


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## bonified (Jun 7, 2011)

Is it picky, if they at least have to be moderately intelligent, able to handle a conversation, smell good, have a sense of humour, pasions other than gettin' off, and be financially responsible for themselves?


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## olwen (Jun 7, 2011)

I think it's good to be picky. There are so many fat girls out there who will take whatever comes along just to get attention. I admit, I've been there and done that and it's because of those experiences that I wouldn't be with just anyone now. But now I wonder if the combination of things I need (single, tall, nerdy and geeky but also not so socially awkward, handsome, respectful FAs who have their shit together, and who can deal with my kink) is a little too specific since guys like that are few and far between, but to settle for less seems just wrong. I'd rather be single than settle.


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## Tori (Jun 8, 2011)

From experience, BE PICKY!!! I settled and ended up marrying someone who wasn't attracted to fatties and it was such a mistake. A costly one, too. Granted, I don't regret the experience and I wouldn't be where I am today without it (and we're still good friends), but I will 1,001 times recommend against settling. It is ABSOLUTELY okay to be picky and wait for the guy that's perfect for you. He's out there.  Promise.


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## spiritangel (Jun 8, 2011)

I am picky

I am worth it

and after settling for second best in the past I would rather be alone than settle

I have faith and life is such an adventure in the meantime


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## herin (Jun 9, 2011)

Yes, yes, yes and yes.

I just refuse to settle at this point, and if I have to be single for a time, so be it. I'm so with all of you ladies on this thread.


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## Saoirse (Jun 9, 2011)

There's a difference between having standards and being fucking picky.

I have standards. Its good to have standards. I like guys who have some common sense and who know what a hard day's work is like. But when it comes to clothing and looks... not so much. I'll give any decent guy a shot.

My bestie however, is to goddamn picky. He looks at the guys I've dated and sees ugly losers. I look at the guys he's dated... oh wait, he doesnt date because hes too picky. And then he complains about being single.


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## BlackBBW2010 (Jun 9, 2011)

I think it's very important to be picky. After all, anyone that I would be in a relationship with would hopefully share my dreams, hopes and aspirations for the future. They would need to be someone I could rely on to love and support me, through good times and bad, and I them. I think the person that goes on that journey with you needs to be someone pretty darn special. So, if that makes me picky, so be it!


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## Yakatori (Jun 9, 2011)

lozonloz said:


> "_I am very rarely attracted to someone I haven't speant some time with or communicated with...So if someone comes on to me in a crowded bar where I cant hear what they're saying, they're going to get nowhere._"



While "picky" is not a word I would use to describe myself, I have to admit that I, sort of, relate to this. I can often find someone even as much as very physically attractive; but as soon as they do or say the wrong thing, it's as though they just seem to change before my very eyes. Likewise, someone who looks quite unremarkable (to me, anyway) can become significantly more attractive as they demonstrate skills or values that I find appealing. The speed and intensity of this transition in perception is often based on my attitude toward whatever it is they're putting on display. I guess that makes me, I dunno, opinionated and fickle?

Obviously, as I get to know someone better, my expectations tend to perform better in terms of predicting their actions. And so my attitude toward that person will gradually become less dynamic. But as soon as they do something "out of character," it can gradually start to recontextualize how I feel. 

Everyone who I've described this to in some detail says that it's weird for a guy. But I suspect it's more gender-neutral than some of us can imagine, if not quite common. Could be projecting though. I often wonder if it's just result of some particularly predictable cocktail of genetics, life experience, and personality.



lozonloz said:


> "_...I rarely date and it seems to bother my friend that I haven't ever been in a long relationship...I've just always firmly believed that its better to be without a partner and be happy with friends, family and education or career then to settle for someone, even on a temporary basis, that doesnt do it for me emotionally intellectually or physically..._"



I think what *randomjenerator* said has a lot to do with it, about different personality types. Among my own personal associations, I've noticed that either only-children or, to a lesser extent, children of two-child homes or children of divorced or single parents; even if they date more often; will tend to spend more time outside of long-term monogamous relationships. Whereas people from particularly large families or particularly close-knit ones will tend, the most, to remain in relationships longer in general. Just my totally unscientific opinion. 

Basically, your attractiveness and who you're attracted to and the level or degree of attraction will only go so far as to determining the range of potential partners available to you. But, no matter what the level of attraction, you have to want to be in a relationship, and everything that feels like, and to continue to want it, aside from your feelings toward that particular person, in order for things to continue to work on a longer-term basis.


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## LovelyLiz (Jun 9, 2011)

I'm with Tau in that I don't really appreciate the term "picky" to describe myself. To me the word has a negative connotation that goes beyond just being careful, and seems to imply that someone's choosiness is somehow more extreme than it needs to be. Or they are just kind of finicky or something.

I consider myself open to all kinds of people, which is not to say that I'm not very discerning and intentional about the guys that I date. But I went through a period where I pretty much gave any guy a chance, and would go out with any guy who was interested - but most of the time it wouldn't go anywhere, either because we didn't have enough in common or because we couldn't connect conversationally in a way that satisfied me or we just didn't share enough similar values. And most of the time I was the one to decide those things and call it off. 

Though I am really hoping not to return to the dating scene, if I did, because of how amazingly well my current boyfriend loves me, I would probably be even more selective about the guys I would date. And this is a really good growth in me, I think.


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## Tau (Jun 9, 2011)

OMG do you know who I want to stab in the eye with a rusty spoon - people who say things like: Well no wander you're single - you keep going after men who are out of your league. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN OUT OF MY LEAGUE MOTHERFUCKER??!! NOFUCKING HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET IS OUT OF MY FUCKING LEAGUE!!!! AAARRRGGHHHH!!!!!! 
A friend's therapist said this to her...her THERAPIST!! I just - I honestly just don't know.


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## LovelyLiz (Jun 9, 2011)

Tau said:


> OMG do you know who I want to stab in the eye with a rusty spoon - people who say things like: Well no wander you're single - you keep going after men who are out of your league. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN OUT OF MY LEAGUE MOTHERFUCKER??!! NOFUCKING HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET IS OUT OF MY FUCKING LEAGUE!!!! AAARRRGGHHHH!!!!!!
> A friend's therapist said this to her...her THERAPIST!! I just - I honestly just don't know.



That is so ridiculous. There is no such thing as leagues, anyway - and that therapist is an ignorant jackoff. It's one thing to go after people who are emotionally unavailable, and that's worth looking at...but leagues???? No such thing. Ignorant BS.


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## CastingPearls (Jun 9, 2011)

There's nothing scarier when a professional trained to treat people project their own biased opinions on their patients/clients, piggybacking it as part of therapy. That's an abuse of power.


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## anneblithe (Jun 9, 2011)

I've never had anyone accuse me of being picky, but when some guy who has hit on every girl at whatever workplace I happen to be supporting with my time came around and hit on me, the response was never, "what a sleazebag," which would have been pretty appropriate. It was always, "Well, I dunno. Why don't you go out with him?" (smile, shrug). The underlying message is always that he's not good enough for the single, pretty, thin-chick, but I ought to be glad that someone took an interest in me.

But I can't blame the skinny-chicks who have reacted this way entirely. They've been taught to hate any part of their body that jiggles-- that their bmi means more than their iq or eq. My acceptance of myself and belief (and knowledge) that there are perfectly nice, rational guys out there who have dated me, and who will date me flies against everything they've been taught to value about themselves. Self-acceptance is a problem for women of all sizes, imho, and it manifests itself in the way that women treat others who they perceive as being socially abnormal.


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## JulieD (Jun 10, 2011)

Tau said:


> OMG do you know who I want to stab in the eye with a rusty spoon - people who say things like: Well no wander you're single - you keep going after men who are out of your league. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN OUT OF MY LEAGUE MOTHERFUCKER??!! NOFUCKING HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET IS OUT OF MY FUCKING LEAGUE!!!! AAARRRGGHHHH!!!!!!
> A friend's therapist said this to her...her THERAPIST!! I just - I honestly just don't know.



thats when you gracefully stand up, brush yourself off, pivot on your hip and say "I make my own league, bitch" and immediately take the longest extreme bad ass strides out of her office (you know the kind, the ones you take in 3 inch heals praying the entire time that you don't twist an ankle)
well, in retrospect, if you had that much confidence in the first place, you probably wouldn't be going to a therapist for relationship advice... and im back to nothing, damn


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## EMH1701 (Jun 17, 2011)

I've had several relationships but I haven't found the right guy yet. I have standards (must have a job and be self-sufficient, must have a vehicle of some sort that works (I'm open-minded about vehicles but I wouldn't want to be the only one with a working car), must have similar religious/political views, and must not want me to starve myself to thinness.

I don't think that those are too high of standards, but some people consider me picky simply because I'm 35 and not married yet. I'd rather be single than married to the wrong guy.


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## lozonloz (Jun 18, 2011)

Recently had this conversation with the same friend again, but this time managed to score a point when I asked her to count up who she had slept with and then how many of them she had known as a friend first. Turns out, most of them. 

I'm hoping it will prevent her shoehorning men at me when we go out next week.


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## Puddles (Jun 28, 2011)

I get to pick what food I want to eat, what clothes I want to wear, etc....so why can't I PICK or be PICKY about the man I let in my life? 

Oh and in regards to "out of your league" I seriously would have had to punch someone in the mouth if they said that to me! :doh:


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## ObiWantsU (Jun 28, 2011)

Sure, be picky, we all should be very picky with that special someone with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives. 

But, and I have a big but here *snicker*, that's not the same standard for a person I would date, and certainly not the same for someone with whom I'd hang out.

I'm sure everyone's saying that in one way or another, but I just wanted say it again.


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## luscious_lulu (Jun 28, 2011)

JulieD said:


> ahem...ladies, we have vaginas...we should be picky...if you are someone who has a vagina and is not picky, hence allowing anything to hump you, you void all rights to cry or whine or bitch about the douche lord men/women you allow to do you...everyone knows that the picky ladies are not the ones crying that they are lonely or feel the need to be with a man to be happy...most picky ladies i know are just content with their pickiness...
> 
> and to the unhappy picky ladies... there is no one perfect person, male or female... re-evaluate your picky standards and come to a reasonable acceptance...im just saying give the good guys/gals a break...they will be the ones to love you forever if you do...
> 
> and yes, i am picky...



I find this to be very judgmental. Just because someone likes having sex with multiple partners doesn't mean they deserve to be treated poorly or without respect. 

Shaming or denouncing someone based on their sexuality is just like shaming someone because they are fat. Why must we constantly find ways to elevate ourselves above others. 

*steps off soap box*

To answer the question posed in this thread. I don't consider it being picky, but having standards. I will not be with someone who doesn't show respect & consideration. If the person doesn't have the qualities I value, then I'm not interested. They may be a perfectly good person but if they aren't the right fit for me, why bother?


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## bbwgatorgirl (Jun 28, 2011)

I'm always told I shouldn't be so picky (by all of my skinny friends) because I'd be lucky to catch a guy who's alright with my size. I tell them they'd be lucky to catch a guy with their attitude.


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## Puddles (Jun 28, 2011)

bbwgatorgirl said:


> I'm always told I shouldn't be so picky (by all of my skinny friends) because I'd be lucky to catch a guy who's alright with my size. I tell them they'd be lucky to catch a guy with their attitude.



LOVE your response to your friends! :bow:


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## LovelyLiz (Jun 29, 2011)

bbwgatorgirl said:


> I'm always told I shouldn't be so picky (by all of my skinny friends) because I'd be lucky to catch a guy who's alright with my size. I tell them they'd be lucky to catch a guy with their attitude.



Wow...with "friends" like that...


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## Saoirse (Jun 30, 2011)

luscious_lulu said:


> I find this to be very judgmental. Just because someone likes having sex with multiple partners doesn't mean they deserve to be treated poorly or without respect.
> 
> Shaming or denouncing someone based on their sexuality is just like shaming someone because they are fat. Why must we constantly find ways to elevate ourselves above others.



thank you!


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## prettyeyes77 (Aug 29, 2011)

I have a bit of a theory on this actually. My skinny best friend and slim sister both seem to have more self esteem and dating issues then I do and I think its because Im big and have been for most of my life that I dont have their hang ups. These skinny girls kicked my ass in the genetics department and they get to see what its like to be accepted for no reason other than they fit in someones ideal box, whereas Ive always been on the outside, Ive had to earn my acceptance, I have to be funnier, smarter, or just not give a shit to get by (spastically in the teen years). So now that were grownups They are used to constantly being accepting and its become a drug, they have always had it and cant function when they dont get it from everyone. Both the girls Im talking about are really good looking and have decent personalities, and I have seen them both settle for really shitty guys because the guy they wanted didnt want them They fall apart, and start trying to figure out why, they get mad and have to prove that they are acceptable/desirable, so they grab the closest loser just to prove to themselves that someone wants them. Then theres me, a big girl I have never really had that constant stream of attention and affection from the masses, so I can function without it, and when the guy I want doesnt want me, I just think, oh well I guess hes not the right one I wander if any good books came out today? Its just another day, and I move on, until the next guy who fits my picky, YES PICKY, criteria comes along. I am picky because I am looking for someone specific not just anyone who will take me, and I dont miss the acceptance I havent had so I can hold out These other girls arent picky because anytime some doesnt accept them it destroys their whole self image and they need an immediate ego fix to feel ok about themselves again. 

Please note I am only talking about myself and a some slim women I know, Im sure this doesnt apply to everyone, and I mean no offence


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## Tina (Aug 29, 2011)

There's nothing offensive about your post at all, IMO, prettyeyes. I think you have a healthy sense of self. And though it's unfortunate that you had to develop the way you look at yourself in relation to the world because of fat prejudice, it did give you something that you can keep with you that as you mention some others do not have.

Fat people have just as much right to pick and choose who they want to have relationships with (love relationships or friendships) as anyone else. There is no reason to settle or think we should lower our standards because of our clothing size.


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## cinnamitch (Aug 29, 2011)

Damn straight I have been picky and have been called picky, and damn straight I am going to continue being picky.


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## NewfieGal (Aug 29, 2011)

Why do people think we (i mean the big side of the population) should settle for less than what we deserve... hell yeah I am picky its my right to be as happy as I can be... so cause I'm fat I should settle for whoever will take me I don't frigging think so not the way I roll... if i have to stay single for the rest of my life I will rather than settle for what less that what makes me completely happy... don't everyone deserve to be happy I don't tell smaller girls to settle for just anyone cause they deserve happiness to... people who aren't big don't always understand that although there is more of me to love I deserve exactly what the next person deserves and while I am not picky in general (like race age size etc) I am not gonna be with some butt munch who thinks I should be grateful they are giving me the time of day I have grown up and learned from my mistakes


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## KittyKitten (Sep 1, 2011)

superodalisque said:


> i wonder why its considered picky of a woman doesn't want to take just any old thing? i'll give anyone a chance to be wonderful to me but i won't accept anyone who isn't. life is too short.



Yeah we are made to feel like crap because we won't settle for any old thing. We are made to feel this way, especially as women of color. Then when a woman wants to marry a man who is financially stable, some small-minded people wish to call her a 'golddigger'. However, a man is not made to feel like shit if he wants a woman who looks like a perfect 10. I never understood that double standard. Nothing wrong with being picky. It's called having standards and thinking about one's future.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 2, 2011)

Yeah, my friends think I'm picky, especially my one close friend. Her and I spend a good amount of time talking about dating, guys, sex, relationships, etc. (We have like 8-12 hours a day to kill at work .. it helps pass time.) Despite the fact that we socialize in similar circles (went to the same high school & work at the same place), we're the same age, we are both big girls & we use the same dating sites we have entirely different dating lives. She's never been in a relationship with someone who didn't cheat on her.. she's never dated someone who told her they loved her.. she's never met someone that she didn't have personality clashes and drama with 24/7. Her most recent ex is a heroin addict who she loaned 3 grand to and who cheated on her with two different girls. Her dating life is .. hell.. at least it would be to me. Despite our similar circumstances, I don't have these same experiences. I told her the other day that I've never been broken up with.. and I've told her about how my most recent ex is always trying to date me again.. and shes like OMG why do you always get rid of everyone?! You're too picky! This is why you're single! But .. I passed on second dates (or hell, firsts!), I ended relationships, I refused second chances because I know what I want.. and I know its not ridiculous or impossible to find. Why waste my time with people I'm blatantly not compatible with? I guess I'm the type of person who would genuinely rather be alone forever than settle for someone I don't really like very much. Most of my friends aren't that way at all.. they put up with some seriously ridiculous shit to not be alone. A few weeks ago I was talking to my mom about one of my other friends and her shitty boyfriend and I was like, I don't get it.. like why? I'd rather be alone than with him. And shes like well she doesn't have to be alone anyway there's other people out there.. and I'm like right, but I'm just saying if the only options were single forever or [shitty boyfriend], I'd choose being single. And my moms like well that's not realistic anyway.. she won't be alone.. I wouldn't want to be alone either but that's okay there's a lot of people out there and I'm like OKAY, I know, but if there were only two options: chronically single OR douchebag bf I'd choose single. And she just kept saying the same shit.. like I couldn't even get her to hypothetically agree to being alone. It's so ridiculous to me. I guess I don't feel like I need a man to complete me.. I want someone who is going to compliment me & my life, not make it "whole".. I got that covered by myself.

I think it's really important to be picky about certain things. Looks are transient and I can be easily swayed to fall for someone not conventionally attractive if they fit with me in other ways. I mean, yeah, I have physical preferences... but honestly if I really like someones personality they become more physically appealing to me as well. However, he absolutely needs to be smart, hilarious and stable. Everything else is pretty much negotiable.

EDIT: I know this is all over the place.. so tired, should be sleeping.


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## olwen (Sep 2, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> Yeah, my friends think I'm picky, especially my one close friend. Her and I spend a good amount of time talking about dating, guys, sex, relationships, etc. (We have like 8-12 hours a day to kill at work .. it helps pass time.) Despite the fact that we socialize in similar circles (went to the same high school & work at the same place), we're the same age, we are both big girls & we use the same dating sites we have entirely different dating lives. She's never been in a relationship with someone who didn't cheat on her.. she's never dated someone who told her they loved her.. she's never met someone that she didn't have personality clashes and drama with 24/7. Her most recent ex is a heroin addict who she loaned 3 grand to and who cheated on her with two different girls. Her dating life is .. hell.. at least it would be to me. Despite our similar circumstances, I don't have these same experiences. I told her the other day that I've never been broken up with.. and I've told her about how my most recent ex is always trying to date me again.. and shes like OMG why do you always get rid of everyone?! You're too picky! This is why you're single! But .. I passed on second dates (or hell, firsts!), I ended relationships, I refused second chances because I know what I want.. and I know its not ridiculous or impossible to find. Why waste my time with people I'm blatantly not compatible with? I guess I'm the type of person who would genuinely rather be alone forever than settle for someone I don't really like very much. Most of my friends aren't that way at all.. they put up with some seriously ridiculous shit to not be alone. A few weeks ago I was talking to my mom about one of my other friends and her shitty boyfriend and I was like, I don't get it.. like why? I'd rather be alone than with him. And shes like well she doesn't have to be alone anyway there's other people out there.. and I'm like right, but I'm just saying if the only options were single forever or [shitty boyfriend], I'd choose being single. And my moms like well that's not realistic anyway.. she won't be alone.. I wouldn't want to be alone either but that's okay there's a lot of people out there and I'm like OKAY, I know, but if there were only two options: chronically single OR douchebag bf I'd choose single. And she just kept saying the same shit.. like I couldn't even get her to hypothetically agree to being alone. It's so ridiculous to me. I guess I don't feel like I need a man to complete me.. I want someone who is going to compliment me & my life, not make it "whole".. I got that covered by myself.
> 
> I think it's really important to be picky about certain things. Looks are transient and I can be easily swayed to fall for someone not conventionally attractive if they fit with me in other ways. I mean, yeah, I have physical preferences... but honestly if I really like someones personality they become more physically appealing to me as well. However, he absolutely needs to be smart, hilarious and stable. Everything else is pretty much negotiable.
> 
> EDIT: I know this is all over the place.. so tired, should be sleeping.



Makes perfect sense to me.


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## Tania (Sep 2, 2011)

I think a majority of the population are happiest in longterm relationships. That said, nobody save the odd masochist is going to be happier in a bad relationship than they'd be as an unattached - and unburdered - person. 

Sometimes, though, it takes people a little while to disengage emotionally from the situation and see it for what it really is. Usually, even a creep or a loser has some redeeming qualities. My ex husband was a great pal and a lot of fun before I realized that he was a liar and barely functional 70% of the time. And in some cases, the creep/loser may not actually be a creep or a loser at all. People tend to judge other people's lives because it makes them feel better about themselves, not necessarily because there's any real value in being right. If in fact they ARE right. 

Also, a lot of people like to play the "oh, my boyfriend is so awful" sympathy card while they're waiting to hop the next best train, you know? Most people are selfish, which means they'll move on when they're good and ready. Whether or not their sigother deserves to be left or not.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 2, 2011)

Tania said:


> I think a majority of the population are happiest in longterm relationships. That said, nobody save the odd masochist is going to be happier in a bad relationship than they'd be as an unattached - and unburdered - person.
> 
> Sometimes, though, it takes people a little while to disengage emotionally from the situation and see it for what it really is. Usually, even a creep or a loser has some redeeming qualities. My ex husband was a great pal and a lot of fun before I realized that he was a liar and barely functional 70% of the time. And in some cases, the creep/loser may not actually be a creep or a loser at all. People tend to judge other people's lives because it makes them feel better about themselves, not necessarily because there's any real value in being right. If in fact they ARE right.
> 
> Also, a lot of people like to play the "oh, my boyfriend is so awful" sympathy card while they're waiting to hop the next best train, you know? Most people are selfish, which means they'll move on when they're good and ready. Whether or not their sigother deserves to be left or not.



Of course people are happier attached than by themselves and of course they'd be happier unattached than in a bad relationship but that doesn't stop people from staying in long term relationships that are bad. Some people are afraid enough of being alone that they will cling to someone - anyone - to avoid it because they have themselves convinced that being with someone (anyone) will make them happier than being by themselves.

Honestly, I think it's really sad that you're trying to make it out like I'm judging other peoples lives because I get some kind of emotional high from it. I'm talking about people in my life who I deeply care about being in relationships that are blatantly unhealthy for them.. that isn't exactly a selfish concern.


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## Tania (Sep 2, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> Honestly, I think it's really sad that you're trying to make it out like I'm judging other peoples lives because I get some kind of emotional high from it. I'm talking about people in my life who I deeply care about being in relationships that are blatantly unhealthy for them.. that isn't exactly a selfish concern.



Honestly, I'm not singling you out and wouldn't've suspected you in particular of attempting to invalidate your friends' feelings.  I've been watching this thread from the beginning and vascillating as far as what I wanted to contribute because I generally distrust broad-based, self-congratulatory kinds of "oh aren't we evolved" types of statements. I'm not trying to negate anybody's honest feelings, just offering another view from my part of the world. Because trust me, there ARE plenty of people out there who are coming from a bitchy place when they talk about their friends like this.

ETA: I went back through the thread to find some of the comments that reeked of "my friends think I'm picky for a fat girl, but they're just projecting on me because they're needy and stupid" and couldn't find most of what I was responding to. It's quite possible that my comments might have been sparked by a different thread or even a related conversation on another site, which makes it totally clear why you thought I was dogging you, Rachel. I'm sorry!


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## bigmac (Sep 5, 2011)

mcbeth said:


> That is so ridiculous. There is no such thing as leagues, anyway - and that therapist is an ignorant jackoff. It's one thing to go after people who are emotionally unavailable, and that's worth looking at...but leagues???? No such thing. Ignorant BS.



If you don't like the term league how about _target market_.

I'm married but if I were still looking here are some examples of people and places that would be outside my _target market_:

I'm an atheist so church functions would likely not provide many romantic prospects;

I'm a social democrat so Tea Party events likewise would not be good romantic hunting grounds;

I'm not rich or famous, therefore, I'd be wasting my time pursuing many West LA//Beverley Hills types;

I'm not young and thin and I don't have perfect teeth so it would also be a waste of time to go clubbing in Miami Beach.

So my target market would be middle age non-materialistic liberal atheists. Since only a small percentage of the US population fits this demographic you could say that most of the population is out of my league -- I don't have any problem with this. You could also say that I'm being overly picky by writing off a large percentage of the population -- I'm OK with that as well.


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## LovelyLiz (Sep 5, 2011)

I'm fine saying most of the population might not be a good match for you (I'd say the same for myself, really, for different reasons). But "out of your league" implies that it's because those things that define what you're looking for or what you have to offer are objectively worse or lower than what other people have to offer or are looking for. And that is false.


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 5, 2011)

bigmac said:


> So my target market would be middle age non-materialistic liberal atheists. Since only a small percentage of the US population fits this demographic you could say that most of the population is out of my league -- I don't have any problem with this. You could also say that I'm being overly picky by writing off a large percentage of the population -- I'm OK with that as well.


 
I was laughing a bit at this because I'm a middle-aged non-materialistic liberal atheist. And I don't think it would come as any surprise to you that we wouldn't get along at all


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 5, 2011)

Tania said:


> Honestly, I'm not singling you out and wouldn't've suspected you in particular of attempting to invalidate your friends' feelings.  I've been watching this thread from the beginning and vascillating as far as what I wanted to contribute because I generally distrust broad-based, self-congratulatory kinds of "oh aren't we evolved" types of statements. I'm not trying to negate anybody's honest feelings, just offering another view from my part of the world. Because trust me, there ARE plenty of people out there who are coming from a bitchy place when they talk about their friends like this.
> 
> ETA: I went back through the thread to find some of the comments that reeked of "my friends think I'm picky for a fat girl, but they're just projecting on me because they're needy and stupid" and couldn't find most of what I was responding to. It's quite possible that my comments might have been sparked by a different thread or even a related conversation on another site, which makes it totally clear why you thought I was dogging you, Rachel. I'm sorry!



It's okay!


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 5, 2011)

bigmac said:


> If you don't like the term league how about _target market_.
> 
> I'm married but if I were still looking here are some examples of people and places that would be outside my _target market_:
> 
> ...





mcbeth said:


> I'm fine saying most of the population might not be a good match for you (I'd say the same for myself, really, for different reasons). But "out of your league" implies that it's because those things that define what you're looking for or what you have to offer are objectively worse or lower than what other people have to offer or are looking for. And that is false.



In the same vein as what mcbeth is saying; I've always heard the phrase to imply that your physically less attractive than whoever is "out of your league." I've heard it used a lot with the whole 1-10 rating system; i.e. I'm a 6 and she's a 9.. she's totally out of my league. 

Example: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0815236/



> Storyline - Kirk is an average Joe who works as a TSA agent at the Pittsburgh airport with his friends. The status quo of his fairly monotonous life ends when he meets Molly, a smart, kind and gorgeous blonde. Because she's way out of his league (she's a hard 10 and he is but a 5), Kirk knows there's no way on earth she's ever going to fall for him. Or is there...?


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## bigmac (Sep 5, 2011)

TraciJo67 said:


> I was laughing a bit at this because I'm a middle-aged non-materialistic liberal atheist. And I don't think it would come as any surprise to you that we wouldn't get along at all



Sharing the same general characteristics and outlook on life is no guarantee of compatibility. However, not sharing them pretty much guarantees failure.

Interestingly, from what I can gather from your posts, you and my wife are similar in many ways.


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## Yakatori (Sep 6, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> "_always heard the phrase to imply that your physically less attractive than whoever is "out of your league." I've heard it used a lot with the whole 1-10 rating system; i.e. I'm a 6 and she's a 9.. she's totally out of my league. _"


I think, depending on the context, elements like wealth and class and education and profession can come into play too. It really just depends on what's important to the other person.



happyface83 said:


> ..a man is not made to feel like shit if he wants a woman who looks like a perfect 10.


I dunno...I think if someone actually expressed this as openly and directly as you put it; it would be frowned upon to say the least. No less so if they, themselves, were rich, famous, and supremely good-looking. And so, in as much as we can interpret this type of sentiment out of anyone's behavior, I think we also know that they realize they're being judged for it.



bigmac said:


> "_Sharing the same general characteristics and outlook on life is no guarantee...not sharing them pretty much guarantees failure._"


But wouldn't you also agree that a certain level of conflict makes a relationship, somehow,more vital. I don't mean the simple kind of disagreements that inevitably result in any two people living together (e.g., If you -both- like doing the dishes -and- cooking or if you both enjoy driving more than "navigating;" you could be both more similar, but less compatible for it.), but a certain difference in perspective. The type of difference that makes each of you somewhat of a challenge for the other....Or is that just the stuff of romatic comedies? I mean, when I think of the most successful couples I know (seemed happpiest the longest) what strikes me most is their ability & commitment to navigate these types of "incompatabilities," and not always so fluidly. How much they do to encourage each partner to broaden themselves and grow as an individual.


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## CleverBomb (Sep 6, 2011)

My SO is definitely out of my league.

This is why we have agreed to never, ever discuss the Designated Hitter rule.

-Rusty


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## JulieD (Sep 6, 2011)

luscious_lulu said:


> I find this to be very judgmental. Just because someone likes having sex with multiple partners doesn't mean they deserve to be treated poorly or without respect.
> 
> Shaming or denouncing someone based on their sexuality is just like shaming someone because they are fat. Why must we constantly find ways to elevate ourselves above others.
> 
> ...



Necro-post alert!!! I just saw this and wanted to respond (just a few months late)...anyhow, yeah I don't think you are getting what I'm saying. I never said anything about having multiple partners...I said that if you are going to allow just anybody to have sex with you, you really have no leverage to complain. I also never said that anyone should allow them selves to be treated poorly or tolerate any kind of abuse for that matter. I don't think I said anything close to any of that, so I'm not really sure where you are coming from. :huh:

All I was trying to say is because we are females, we hold the key to our own happiness. We are the only ones who control what we want, what we put up with, and what we won't put up with. I understand that there are some extreme situations out there that not every female will be able to get out of or away from...but for the most part, we choose what we want, who we want, and how we want it. Call it what you will...being picky, having standards, being judgmental (I guess)...whatever label you decide to give the process on how you pick and choose the lucky man/woman/persons, it doesn't really matter just as long as you are happy, content and hopefully satisfied in the end...I mean, that is the ultimate goal right?


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## Fat Brian (Sep 6, 2011)

Here is something I wish I had know long ago. There are no "leagues", no one is better that anyone else. Every person, no matter what their social class or how they look has a different definition of attractive. They have their own likes and dislikes just like you do. You just have to find a person who has what you want and likes what you got.

The idea if "leagues" plays on our own lack of confidence, therefore the people we find most attractive seem out of our reach. Something in our mind tells us that more attractive people are better, more virtuous beings that could never possibly be interested in us. The actual fact is, they are just like us and they have their own spectrum of attraction like you do. Even a person who is a 10 to you may only feel like a 5, they may think you are a 10. In that case neither one of you will make a move because you each think the other person is out of your league when in fact you would be a perfect match.


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## *Goofy*Girl* (Sep 6, 2011)

I'm picky and have high standards. I didn't used to. When I first got into the size acceptance scene and started dating, OMG, I was a loser magnet.

However, I didn't know at the time I could do better. I didn't even realize I was "settling" until one night at dinner I was sitting with this guy (who didn't have the greatest personality or manners) and I was thinking to myself "If I still weighed 120 lbs., I wouldn't give this guy the time of day." I was only with him because I didn't want to be date-less on a Saturday night.

After that I swore to myself I would never "settle" again. Before I decide if I want to date a certain guy, I'll ask myself "Would I still be interested in him if I weighed 120 lbs. again?" If the answer is yes, then great! If the answer is no, then I know I'd be settling.


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## bigmac (Sep 6, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> Here is something I wish I had know long ago. There are no "leagues", no one is better that anyone else. Every person, no matter what their social class or how they look has a different definition of attractive. They have their own likes and dislikes just like you do. You just have to find a person who has what you want and likes what you got.
> 
> The idea if "leagues" plays on our own lack of confidence, therefore the people we find most attractive seem out of our reach. Something in our mind tells us that more attractive people are better, more virtuous beings that could never possibly be interested in us. The actual fact is, they are just like us and they have their own spectrum of attraction like you do. Even a person who is a 10 to you may only feel like a 5, they may think you are a 10. In that case neither one of you will make a move because you each think the other person is out of your league when in fact you would be a perfect match.



You're absolutely right that beautiful people and/or rich people aren't any better than the rest of us. However, we have to face reality -- some people are going to be unattainable -- that doesn't mean they're better than you or me -- it just means that we're never going to be part of their circle. This doesn't bother me in the least. 

The fact that I'm too old fat and broke to pick up chicks in a trendy Miami Beach night club doesn't mean they're better than me. It just means that if I were still looking (and thankfully I'm not) I'd best look elsewhere.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 6, 2011)

Yakatori said:


> I think, depending on the context, elements like wealth and class and education and profession can come into play too. It really just depends on what's important to the other person.



Agreed. It's always used, from what I've heard, to refer to somewhat shallow characteristics as opposed to differentiating people based on religion, common interests, etc. Like, he's a millionaire, he's out of my league.. not, he likes tennis and I like volleyball, he's out of my league.



Fat Brian said:


> Here is something I wish I had know long ago. There are no "leagues", no one is better that anyone else. Every person, no matter what their social class or how they look has a different definition of attractive. They have their own likes and dislikes just like you do. You just have to find a person who has what you want and likes what you got.
> 
> The idea if "leagues" plays on our own lack of confidence, therefore the people we find most attractive seem out of our reach. Something in our mind tells us that more attractive people are better, more virtuous beings that could never possibly be interested in us. The actual fact is, they are just like us and they have their own spectrum of attraction like you do. Even a person who is a 10 to you may only feel like a 5, they may think you are a 10. In that case neither one of you will make a move because you each think the other person is out of your league when in fact you would be a perfect match.



I definitely agree with you. I just want to clarify I wasn't saying the whole league system is a good one, just discussing how people use it.


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## Fat Brian (Sep 6, 2011)

I'm definitely talking about people in your circle or a place that you can reasonably get to. I know I'll never meet (insert Hollywood starlet name here), but the girl who works in the Sunglasses Hut in the mall that could be her twin sister is certainly worth a shot. I understand that an individual person may not get a chance to go after a famous hunk or beauty but that doesn't prevent them from finding someone of equal of greater attractiveness in their own area. Basically what I'm saying is don't be intimidated and feel like you don't have a chance just because you think someone you meet is very attractive, at least put your cards on the table and see of they bite. If you don't show your hand they might not know you are playing.


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## Fat Brian (Sep 6, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> I definitely agree with you. I just want to clarify I wasn't saying the whole league system is a good one, just discussing how people use it.



I wasn't responding directly to you, just tossing something out there.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 6, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> I wasn't responding directly to you, just tossing something out there.



I figured but I wanted to respond anyway in case anyone misunderstood me!


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## genevathistime (Sep 7, 2011)

Picky? hm. I'd like to think "standers" is a better term. But sure...if someone wants to call me picky then screw it..we can play it like that. lol

I know what I like. Not saying that those "likes" can't can't change over time..but..

You get my point.


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## KittyKitten (Sep 12, 2011)

I guess my point, men are not asked to settle. It is always the woman that is asked to settle for any man.

Oh so what if he looks like the Joker? He's a good man! A good man is hard to find so dont be so shallow.
So what if he's got bad breath? That can be worked on!
I know I'm exaggerating but folks get the point. Women are constantly asked to settle for some of the most basic crap just to say we can have a good man. I dont see men making those accommodations for women because they dont have to and they are not asked to settle.

This reminds me of the Kanye West song,

"I ain't sayin' she a golddigger, but she ain't messin' with no broke _ _ _ _ _"


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## TexasTrouble (Sep 12, 2011)

happyface83 said:


> I guess my point, men are not asked to settle. It is always the woman that is asked to settle for any man.
> 
> Oh so what if he looks like the Joker? He's a good man! A good man is hard to find so dont be so shallow.
> So what if he's got bad breath? That can be worked on!
> ...



That's interesting. I think you're right about not hearing men being told they should settle ("settle down" maybe, but not "settle" in the same sense). They're not getting the "You want to have a kid, don't you?! THE EGGS! THINK OF YOUR EGGS!" treatment women sometimes get.


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## bigmac (Sep 13, 2011)

happyface83 said:


> I guess my point, men are not asked to settle. It is always the woman that is asked to settle for any man.
> 
> Oh so what if he looks like the Joker? He's a good man! A good man is hard to find so dont be so shallow.
> So what if he's got bad breath? That can be worked on!
> I know I'm exaggerating but folks get the point. Women are constantly asked to settle for some of the most basic crap just to say we can have a good man. *I dont see men making those accommodations for women because they dont have to and they are not asked to settle.*



I'm going to have to disagree with you. Guys make at least as many accommodations as women. However, guys either don't talk about it or use different language.

Guys tend not to deconstruct potential mates. A female either makes the grade or doesn't (this makes it almost impossible for guys to answer "why" questions when their couplet breaks up). When a guy falls for a girl they very often overlook quite major issues -- they just don't call it settling.


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## JulieD (Sep 14, 2011)

bigmac said:


> ..._snip_... When a guy falls for a girl they very often overlook quite major issues -- they just don't call it settling.



No, they call it "dealing with it"   kidding...sorta


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## Fat Brian (Sep 14, 2011)

I think we all make compromises in our relationships, I don't believe in "soul mates" so finding an absolutely perfect match is unlikely. It doesn't mean we love the person any less.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 15, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> I think we all make compromises in our relationships, I don't believe in "soul mates" so finding an absolutely perfect match is unlikely. It doesn't mean we love the person any less.



I think there's a difference between overlooking major issues and making compromises though.


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## Fat Brian (Sep 15, 2011)

And there is a difference between overlooking major flaws in a willful ignorance sort of way and making informed choices about your long term compatibility with another person. I was kind of responding about Happyfaces comment that men don't make accommodations for women. I think most of us who have really thought about what we want or who have had a few failed relationships and learned from them know what we need from someone else and what our dealbreakers are.


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## JulieD (Sep 15, 2011)

I think that men also don't hold as many strict expectations for women. I'm not saying that they don't have their preferences, but generally men have a shorter list of pro's and con's in regards to what they are looking for in a woman. Where women start off with a list of expectations that they want in a man, and then they continue to add to it, "fine tuning" exactly what they are looking for. Part of that I think women react and think on a more emotional level then a man does. That's just what I think, I'm sure not every man or woman fits this idea, but I think most do. Its not a good or bad thing, its just the way we are all wired.


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## olwen (Sep 15, 2011)

I personally think that men are more picky than women and the things they tend to be picky about are things we can't exactly control, like body shape, size, etc. Men tend to have a laundry list of physical attributes they want in a woman, and a short list of personality traits. There are more women than men in the world so they can kinda afford to nitpick so hard. They can choose to be with whoever is closest to this ideal while they keep looking for the next best thing. But because their ideal is usually impossibly specific they will never find the best thing. It doesn't exist. Ask a man what his ideal woman is and he will often list physical things first, whereas women will talk about character traits first. Maybe it's the way we are socialized. Who knows. Since women see character traits as a bit mutable, they may see it as an investment to "change him," because after all, he'll be a better person in the end. Since the priority for men is often looks they figure if they don't have the means to change a woman's looks, (like plastic surgery, a.k.a. a boob job) then it would be easier to just trade up so to speak and find a new one. 

I think both those things are stupid. If a man behaves a certain way when you meet him, don't expect him to change later. It ain't gonna happen. If a guy wants bigger boobs then he should find a girl with big boobs to begin with. 

And yes, I am aware that there are mature people out in the world. The above doesn't apply to everyone, just some of them.


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## bigmac (Sep 16, 2011)

JulieD said:


> I think that men also don't hold as many strict expectations for women. I'm not saying that they don't have their preferences, but generally men have a shorter list of pro's and con's in regards to what they are looking for in a woman. Where women start off with a list of expectations that they want in a man, and then they continue to add to it, "fine tuning" exactly what they are looking for. Part of that I think women react and think on a more emotional level then a man does. That's just what I think, I'm sure not every man or woman fits this idea, but I think most do. Its not a good or bad thing, its just the way we are all wired.



Yes men tend to have shorter requirement lists -- and we don't always stick to our list (I like tall women yet my romantic history consists of mostly short women).

I'm going to disagree about the men being less emotional in their choices. Guys rely on very gut level instincts when deciding who to form relationships with. I proposed to my wife on our third date -- on a very visceral level I just felt she was an order of magnitude better than her predecessors.

I found this web page about how guys choose women interesting.

http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Relationships/How_Men_Select_Women


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## MaryClaire (Sep 16, 2011)

LillyBBBW said:


> *SUBSCRIBES*
> 
> I could have said just about everything in this post. I haven't dated in so long I'm embarassed to even say. Honestly I'm more content this way. I tried the other way and not only was I no better off but it actually took away parts of my soul. Not for me.



Couldn't have said it better myself!


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## LillyBBBW (Sep 17, 2011)

MaryClaire said:


> Couldn't have said it better myself!



Thanks MaryClaire.


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## ecogeek (Feb 4, 2013)

LOVE Saoirse! I could not agree more! 

I have standards. I hate how my friends or aquaintences think that because I am fat means I should not have standards? It is almost worth laughing at, ALMOST. 



Saoirse said:


> There's a difference between having standards and being fucking picky.
> 
> I have standards. Its good to have standards. I like guys who have some common sense and who know what a hard day's work is like. But when it comes to clothing and looks... not so much. I'll give any decent guy a shot.
> 
> My bestie however, is to goddamn picky. He looks at the guys I've dated and sees ugly losers. I look at the guys he's dated... oh wait, he doesnt date because hes too picky. And then he complains about being single.


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## Pandasaur (Feb 4, 2013)

ecogeek said:


> LOVE Saoirse! I could not agree more!
> 
> I have standards. I hate how my friends or aquaintences think that because I am fat means I should not have standards? It is almost worth laughing at, ALMOST.




Love this!!! I'm so sick of being called picky because I don't fall head over heels for the first guy that pays attention to me.


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## loopytheone (Feb 5, 2013)

I've never been called picky. Not even once. Despite having no real relationships until now (I'm almost 23). Though I don't understand what is supposed to be wrong with being picky? You are looking for that perfect person in your life, you shouldn't just accept any old wanker that rocks up showing an interest.


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## Oona (Feb 6, 2013)

I've been called picky on occasion, but my reasoning for being so picky is I need someone that can intellectually stimulate me, feed the dork in me and play video games with me, enjoys the same things (while having some different interests) and someone that GETS my humor. 

That last one is always an issue. I'm a giant perv and I know it. I can find the sexual connotation in ANYTHING that's said. Because of that, I hang out with mostly guys, and I'm considered one of the guys. So the guys I usually find myself showing interest in, think of me as a sister or one of their close friends, so then I get the whole "You're like a sister to me, I don't want to ruin what friendship we have" line. 

Its a vicious cycle! But at least I have some amazing friends that totally get me! lol


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