# Why am i such a BIG, FAT girl?



## Pauline (Mar 16, 2010)

Why are some of us dedicated fat girls? Why do i love to eat, why is it some of my most happiest times...at home, out on a shopping trip, at a resturant? Why do i think of food in the middle of the night when getting up to potty? Why do i LOVE making love to my beautiful hubby on full tummy because WE think the sex is best then? Why cant i say NO to food? Why have i eaten and gained so much that ive outgrown my car and now have to go everywhere by powerchair? Why do i save room at dinner time for a HUGE dessert.....every night? Why do i continue to over-eat even when i have knee pain EVERYDAY that could lessen if i lose weight? Why do i love my warm, soft, round curves? Why do they feel so homey, peaceful & cuddley? Why am i giving up my younger years when i could be dancing, riding a bike, taking long walks & going camping like i used to? Why do i stay indoors "wondering" what everyone else is doing? Why am i exsisting instead of living? Why am i so happy as long as there is food? FOOD, FOOD, FOOD.....why is food my life? I love life, i am NOT depressed, but i just wonder why is FOOD such a big part of my life? Does anyone know? :kiss2:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Sevenhundredpoundclub

My beautiful son & i, on his 17th Birthday: 

View attachment Dill & I.JPG


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## TallFatSue (Mar 16, 2010)

I can relate to much of this. A good hearty meal gives me a buzz that's almost erotic :eat2: and I like being big, warm, soft and round too. :smitten:


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## eljorgep (Mar 18, 2010)

Pauline, you're beautiful to me. You look so pretty in your pictures. Do I need to --say-- qualify to join your yahoo club? Is it still active?


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## Pauline (Mar 20, 2010)

Hi! Thanks for the compliment! Yes the 700lb club is still active and no, you dont have to do anything but request to join! It was a great group to start, my husband and i started it 5 years ago and it has been very rewarding! I enjoy all of the comments and opinions of the members and always welcome more! Feel free to come over for a visit!


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## ChubbyBubbles (Mar 20, 2010)

Pauline said:


> Why are some of us dedicated fat girls? Why do i love to eat, why is it some of my most happiest times...at home, out on a shopping trip, at a resturant? Why do i think of food in the middle of the night when getting up to potty? Why do i LOVE making love to my beautiful hubby on full tummy because WE think the sex is best then? Why cant i say NO to food? Why have i eaten and gained so much that ive outgrown my car and now have to go everywhere by powerchair? Why do i save room at dinner time for a HUGE dessert.....every night? Why do i continue to over-eat even when i have knee pain EVERYDAY that could lessen if i lose weight? Why do i love my warm, soft, round curves? Why do they feel so homey, peaceful & cuddley? Why am i giving up my younger years when i could be dancing, riding a bike, taking long walks & going camping like i used to? Why do i stay indoors "wondering" what everyone else is doing? Why am i exsisting instead of living? Why am i so happy as long as there is food? FOOD, FOOD, FOOD.....why is food my life? I love life, i am NOT depressed, but i just wonder why is FOOD such a big part of my life? Does anyone know? :kiss2:
> 
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Sevenhundredpoundclub
> 
> My beautiful son & i, on his 17th Birthday:



All I do know is that you are my dear friend and I love you no matter how fat or skinny you are! You are an incredible mom, wife and friend! Love you Pauline!


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## gotgot (Mar 21, 2010)

I'm happy to know there is at least one woman out there with a stream of consciousness like that. Keep eating!


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## Pauline (Mar 21, 2010)

Aww thanks Christal! I always appreciate your kindness & i love you too! Funny thing is that i think the same of you.....you are a great mom & a loving wife & a super friend! I only wish we lived closer so we could see each other in person! Talk to you soon  :kiss2:


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## aussiefa63 (Mar 21, 2010)

> Why are some of us dedicated fat girls? Why do i love to eat, why is it some of my most happiest times...at home, out on a shopping trip, at a resturant? Why do i think of food in the middle of the night when getting up to potty? Why do i LOVE making love to my beautiful hubby on full tummy because WE think the sex is best then? Why cant i say NO to food? Why have i eaten and gained so much that ive outgrown my car and now have to go everywhere by powerchair? Why do i save room at dinner time for a HUGE dessert.....every night? Why do i continue to over-eat even when i have knee pain EVERYDAY that could lessen if i lose weight? Why do i love my warm, soft, round curves? Why do they feel so homey, peaceful & cuddley? Why am i giving up my younger years when i could be dancing, riding a bike, taking long walks & going camping like i used to? Why do i stay indoors "wondering" what everyone else is doing? Why am i exsisting instead of living? Why am i so happy as long as there is food? FOOD, FOOD, FOOD.....why is food my life? I love life, i am NOT depressed, but i just wonder why is FOOD such a big part of my life? Does anyone know?



I don't know the answer, but I am truely impressed by your honesty & openess. As long as you happy Pauline, that's all that matters.


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## wrench13 (Mar 24, 2010)

Only you can answer that question to yourself. And all I can say is thank the Powers that Be that there are such ladies like you and others in this world - you all are some of the most precious ornaments on the x-mas tree of life, the shinyest sequins in the fabric of society!

And Dilly is getting so mature! I remember him when he was a little squirt! 

Yours,
An Old Friend


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 24, 2010)

Pauline said:


> Why are some of us dedicated fat girls? Why do i love to eat, why is it some of my most happiest times...at home, out on a shopping trip, at a resturant? Why do i think of food in the middle of the night when getting up to potty? Why do i LOVE making love to my beautiful hubby on full tummy because WE think the sex is best then? Why cant i say NO to food? Why have i eaten and gained so much that ive outgrown my car and now have to go everywhere by powerchair? Why do i save room at dinner time for a HUGE dessert.....every night? Why do i continue to over-eat even when i have knee pain EVERYDAY that could lessen if i lose weight? Why do i love my warm, soft, round curves? Why do they feel so homey, peaceful & cuddley? Why am i giving up my younger years when i could be dancing, riding a bike, taking long walks & going camping like i used to? Why do i stay indoors "wondering" what everyone else is doing? Why am i exsisting instead of living? Why am i so happy as long as there is food? FOOD, FOOD, FOOD.....why is food my life? I love life, i am NOT depressed, but i just wonder why is FOOD such a big part of my life? Does anyone know? :kiss2:
> 
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Sevenhundredpoundclub
> 
> My beautiful son & i, on his 17th Birthday:



Hey Pauline!  I ask myself the same things at times. At one time I thought it was because there was something wrong with me. Then I thought it was something wrong with my head. Then I thought it was something wrong with my body. Maybe my body was just so big and uses so much energy both to move and to build as it is designed to do, that at times it requires more food to function. Then I thought there was something wrong with my stomach. Maybe I wasn't actually hungry and it was just that my stomach, my soul, was so unsettled that food was the only thing that would settle and sooth it. I thought up all kinds of things and then I wondered if maybe there wasn't anything wrong at all. That maybe this is just me and that I wasn't meant to be. Maybe I wasnt meant to be like everybody else or experience joy in the same ways. Maybe joy can be found in the simple things like a prayer, a great story, good company, the sun on my face, a warm secure hug for someone whose lost their way. I don't think I'll ever really know but I decided that I would not look for someone else's joy but seek, cherish and be thankful for my own big girl joy, whatever that is.

Be well you and your lovely son! :kiss2:


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## aussiefa63 (Mar 25, 2010)

> Maybe I wasnt meant to be like everybody else or experience joy in the same ways.



But Liily, everyone is an individual & so someone else's joy, may not be your joy.



> Maybe joy can be found in the simple things like a prayer, a great story, good company, the sun on my face, a warm secure hug for someone whose lost their way. I don't think I'll ever really know but I decided that I would not look for someone else's joy but see



If those simple things make you happy, then that's the answer. There are too many people are looking for happiness constantly, when it can be right under their nose to start with, being alive is a good start 



> but seek, cherish and be thankful for my own big girl joy, whatever that is.



It might be hard to define that, but it's obviously there, as you say "My own big girl joy"  As long as you are happy, there must be joy.


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## loveembig (Mar 26, 2010)

Pauline said:


> Why are some of us dedicated fat girls? Why do i love to eat, why is it some of my most happiest times...at home, out on a shopping trip, at a resturant? Why do i think of food in the middle of the night when getting up to potty? Why do i LOVE making love to my beautiful hubby on full tummy because WE think the sex is best then? Why cant i say NO to food? Why have i eaten and gained so much that ive outgrown my car and now have to go everywhere by powerchair? Why do i save room at dinner time for a HUGE dessert.....every night? Why do i continue to over-eat even when i have knee pain EVERYDAY that could lessen if i lose weight? Why do i love my warm, soft, round curves? Why do they feel so homey, peaceful & cuddley? Why am i giving up my younger years when i could be dancing, riding a bike, taking long walks & going camping like i used to? Why do i stay indoors "wondering" what everyone else is doing? Why am i exsisting instead of living? Why am i so happy as long as there is food? FOOD, FOOD, FOOD.....why is food my life? I love life, i am NOT depressed, but i just wonder why is FOOD such a big part of my life? Does anyone know? :kiss2:
> 
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Sevenhundredpoundclub
> 
> My beautiful son & i, on his 17th Birthday:



Everybody craves and seeks pleasure in life in different ways and there is literally an unlimited number of ways people seek out that pleasure. To make it even more complex there is really no explanation for it. Psychologists and sociologists may think that they can diagnose the root cause of these cravings but when it comes right down to it, its all speculation. It varies in so many ways from individual to individual that it is almost impossible to narrow down with any real degree of accuracy. The human mind and what makes us tick as individuals is still very much a mystery and no matter what is claimed by the modern psychiatric community, they are still basically guessing at the subject. 

You seek pleasure in life through food and the abundance of it. There is nothing unusual in that. In fact the seeking of pleasure through food is one of the oldest forms of human comfort and pleasure there is. It ranks right up there with the pleasure and comfort associated with socialization and the safety of shelter. In other words it a primal urge that all humans have had. In your case you have just placed a bit more priority on that primal urge than one usually encounters. Again, there is nothing wrong with it; it just is.


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## ampleampleample (Aug 18, 2010)

I know this is kind of an old thread to revitalize but it really hit home as a girl I used to date would have the same thoughts. She was close to 600 when we met and something over 700 a couple years later when we parted ways. She didn't have the same mobility issues as you though toward the end she couldn't drive any more. She was genuinely worried about her mobility and worked hard to keep it but at the same time she found it quite arousing as she struggled more and more to do basic things and she noticed I didn't care. It was like it was a thrill to her to see how big she could get and have me still be attracted to her.

She was from south Louisianna and moved to Atlanta to be with me but I traveled a lot and when she could no longer drive it became an issue so she moved back home. I lost touch with her after Katrina and I can only hope she's ok after all these years.


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## LifeTraveller (Aug 19, 2010)

What a wonderful supportive thread this is. First I must congratulate Pauline and her husband on such a wonderful, Happy relationship. It does warm one's heart to know yet another couple that is happy and in love. It's difficult enough to keep a marriage alive in these troubled times, and with the additional "challenges" of Pauline's size. It's an all the more wonderful thing to hear about. I'm glad to be a part of a community which is so very supportive of one another. 

I wish all of life's blessings on you and your family. You do indeed have a handsome son. . (they grow up so fast) I'm sure he's a source of much joy for you as well.

I wish I could answer your questions, I have an incredible set of my own. My late wife (who passed on over a year ago of cancer not anything size related btw) never came to terms with her size. She was an outgoing, happy, warm brilliant, loving person, who happened to be addicted to food. . She didn't like being fat (at one time reaching nearly 600 pounds) but she didn't hate it or herself. . She always knew how I felt about her. . fat, or not so fat she was always the love of my life. Oh the stories I could tell..of places we went and things we were able to do. . but that's for another thread...

I guess some questions will have to go unanswered for us. Yet pondering things keeps our minds working, our wits sharp, and sometimes leads us to discoveries we might not have happened across otherwise. 

I'm thrilled for couples like Pauline and her husband, I know how joyful having such a relationship can be. All couples should be so happy!

My hat is off to all of you. You've made me proud to know you all.


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## veggieforever (Aug 20, 2010)

*
I must say that, for me, food is such a pure pleasure, it can be whatever I want and choose it to be. I can have as much or as little as I wish, I can share it or keep it to myself, and that elated, incomparable, WOWEEE-WOW-WOW swirly feeling in my head that I get when that triple chocolate brownie fudge ice cream lands on my tongue is utter heavenly bliss!

It is a feeling. It's sensation. It's satisfaction. It's kinda orgasmic (you know what I mean girlies! lol) It is a state of being given during and directly after from the delishhhh yummies just consumed.

It's more than just food or eating... And something that feels that good is hard to put down or walk away from or even cut down on in many respects. Our love for food can almost be a pilgrimage whenever we open our favourite treat, tub or carton. We pay homage, we love it and we make love to it with every mouthful! :smitten:*


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## Jim Miller (Aug 22, 2010)

I suspect the "answer" to your musings, Pauline, is deceptively simple. Your desire to eat and be fat is your strongest drive. Each of us has various drives, and these drives do not necessarily take one another into account. You've cut off some of your other lifestyle options, and even introduced a few physical hardships. There are two plausible explanations. One of them is what LillyBBBW was talking about: Maybe something is wrong somewhere, and this is your way of coping. But the other possibility is that there is nothing wrong at all, that your drive to be gluttonous is simply so strong that it dominates your decision-making, even though you know full well that you are giving up other opportunities to live this way. If so, you are hardly unique. Almost everybody makes choices and commitments in life that limit their other options.

You've connected food and fat with your sexuality, which, in the right mindset, is a very easy connection to make, because food and fat are both supportive of sex and of procreation. We are strongly selected for making such associations. Some people, however, don't simply "enjoy" the fullness of being full. They become utterly fixated on it, on eating food, being fat, or getting fatter. It becomes interwoven with their sexuality. Many of us here are such folks. You differ from the majority of us only in degree, through some combination of having a stronger drive, a stronger will, and a more fat-friendly body.

How does that happen? How do some people begin with an appreciation for fullness and end up with a full-blown case of gluttony? Maybe that's what you're wondering. I don't know the answer, and as far as I can tell nobody else does either. The human brain is a big place with many settings and knobs. One thing is for certain: If being a big, fat beauty is so overpowering a desire in you, and if brings you satisfaction in life despite having to give up some desirable things and endure some undesirable ones, then don't let your extremeness on the human weight distribution curve faze you, because you're exactly where you ought to be. The herd mentality within us tends to make us think that moving to the center is always better than becoming more extreme, and you'll no doubt question your mental fitness from time to time, given that practically the entire human population weighs less than you do, but there really is an easy, foolproof way of measuring the soundness of your lifestyle: If you're enjoying it, and you're not ruining other people's lives, then you're better off in your existence than a lot of people are in theirs.

At any rate, I've always enjoyed your pictures and videos. But I enjoy even more this thread, because it reveals your awareness and contemplative nature. Those are appealing traits in anybody. Thanks for posting this!


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