# The Fascinating Life of a Paysite Model



## Candy_Coated_Clown (Nov 22, 2009)

I love to see the varied beauty and confidence of many of the models on the paysite forum. I was wondering, for those that have modeled or currently model...how does being a paysite model change, enhance or affect your life...or even relationships (friends, family, partner)?

Do you feel that modeling has made you more confident over time as a BBW or SSBBW? What kind of personal transitions have you gone through as a result, both good and bad?

Also, do you do modeling full-time or part-time and how did you decide to get started in modeling? Would you consider the pay good and worth it? Is this something you'd continue expanding as a business endeavor over time? For example, maybe looking to get into well-known plus-sized magazines or film?

I'm not interested personally in being a paysite model and I have nothing against it, I'm just always curious about the different lifestyle choices of others, especially if they have brought about any personal changes, challenges, growth or unique experiences. I also think it's interesting to see a more "tangible" side of models sometimes if the only way others "know" of them is through their sites.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Nov 23, 2009)

No takers? I hope I put this in the right forum. I didn't know whether or not it should go in the paysite forum since that is for advertisement. Maybe in this forums section it's not attracting the right attention for discussion? or perhaps the questions are too bold?


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## Tau (Nov 23, 2009)

I'm going to offer my 2cents - I might be completely wrong 

I think a lot of the models get asked these same questions all the time - and think for many, after a while, it might feel a bit intrusive. I went through a brief period of thinking I wanted to model and so did a lot of one on one research on the subject. 

I joined a number of model myspace pages and just started conversations, took an interest and read their blogs. Bodacious Nicole has very recently posted an excellent blog on her myspace - its very personal and just gave a great deal of insight into her own life, where she's headed, what has motivted her etc. Vanessa Reece is also a huge favourite of mine and she blogs regularly and very informatively about the model life. 

There are also really amazing models on here - maybe pay a visit to their profiles and ask the questions one on one? I've only ever had really sweet responses from them - they are rocking gals. 

And then finally - I hope I don't get into trouble for this but if its a problem please somebody remove it: there is another forum called The Fat Forums run by Killahboo. It's a more pornographic forum than Dims but also just a really great place to hang out - if I'm not at Dims I'm on FF . There are a dozen or more threads with pages worth of discussion on this very topic. Hope you find what you're looking for!


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Nov 28, 2009)

I can see what you mean by being more "open" as a board. I've visited FF before but haven't gone back until you mentioned it here. I can see a lot of threads like the ones you mentioned. 

If I were a documentary film maker, this would be an awesome subject to do a documentary on in a very candid, positive and expressive light. I love documentaries.


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## fatlane (Nov 28, 2009)

I've made the acquaintance of a number of paysite models, and each has her own story to tell. There are those who had to pull their sites to keep their day jobs, others that got ostracized at work when their money-making hobby was revealed, and one that passed away not too long ago... 

One thing most mentioned was that the further one went in photos and videos, the more one made per month. If a model wasn't going to go that far, she voluntarily limited her earnings in exchange for keeping her standards where they were.

It is a fascinating story, but also one with some true human pain in it along the way.


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## Webmaster (Nov 29, 2009)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> No takers?



It might be because your posts always quiz people in great detail while hardly ever revealing anything about yourself. Some people like answering quizzes, others become skeptical and wonder why they are being quizzed.


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## Ash (Nov 29, 2009)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> I love to see the varied beauty and confidence of many of the models on the paysite forum. I was wondering, for those that have modeled or currently model...how does being a paysite model change, enhance or affect your life...or even relationships (friends, family, partner)?
> 
> Do you feel that modeling has made you more confident over time as a BBW or SSBBW? What kind of personal transitions have you gone through as a result, both good and bad?
> 
> ...



I'll bite.

I've not been modeling for nearly as long as some of the women who have sites (I've been doing it for over a year now), but I have been involved in Dimensions/Fat Acceptance for many years, so I have a fair bit of experience as both a reader and a contributor to the Paysite Board. 

I got into modeling through friends who have done it for many, many years and who I met initially through Dimensions. I had gone through the standard roller coaster of confidence issues over the years, but by the time that I met these women in person, I was a pretty confident fat girl. Initially I had reservations about doing it. I was worried that it would affect my job negatively or even that I would just fail miserably at it. It took a full year of consideration before I knew I was ready to do it. 

A lot of people have asked me about my motivation to open a site to begin with. I'm going to address that as honestly as possible here. There were several reasons that I decided to model, ranging from the incredibly shallow to the very personal. I won't deny that the little bit of extra money that I hoped to make was a factor. Far more important to me, though, was that I hoped to be a part of this scene and to be associated with the group of women who showed me, at 18, that fat was beautiful and SEXY! I remembered my early visits to Dimensions and my discovery of models like HeatherBBW, AnnMarie, CindyG, and more (all who were running their own free sites at the time) and how understood and _included_ I felt, even though I didn't know any of them yet. I felt like I was somehow part of this culture already because these women looked like me. It was a very important stepping stone for me on my own journey. I don't presume that I've had a similar effect on any girl through my own site, but someday I might and that will mean more to me than any membership ever would. 

The confidence thing is tricky. In the insulated world of places like Dims we're showered with praise for our photos, but this is far from the case everywhere. For every sweet comment we get on the paysite board there's a jerk on a joke site or even someone in our own community who considers us prostitutes. There are as many criticisms as there are compliments. This is precisely why I don't think it's prudent for any woman to find her confidence in the way others react to her or her body. 

On a more personal level, as models we're forced to face our insecurities in a very real way on a regular basis. Whether you like the size of your double chin or the asymmetry of your back rolls or not, they're going to be out there, and photos on the internet are forever. That's something every woman who is considering modeling has to come to terms with before she puts herself out there. 

I'd say that having my site has opened up the range of people who I come into contact with, but that my group of friends has stayed largely the same. The people I care about and who care about me consider this a job just like any other and haven't treated me differently at all. As far as romantic relationships go, I find that I come in contact with a lot more FAs but that my love life hasn't been greatly impacted. I'm still the same person that I've always been. 

Now, as I said, the extra money was certainly a factor when deciding to do this. This is a job just like any other. However, it's important to note that very few (if any) models are getting really rich (luxury cars and houses, exotic vacations, etc.) in this business, especially these days. The vast majority of models have full-time jobs outside of their sites. The economy is a factor in the profitability of any given site, for sure. Also a factor is the saturation of the fat paysite market. Five or more years ago, there were only a handful of sites operating. There are hundreds of models out there now, and the variety is virtually endless. The advantage of this, though, is that there's a model out there for every member and that there are members out there for every model. That said, I won't comment specifically on what I make or how it relates to what anyone else makes, but, to answer your question, I do think it's worth it. 

All in all, I'd consider my experience with modeling to be a good one. For me, the positives greatly outweigh the negatives, and I hope that this continues to be true.


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## LillyBBBW (Nov 30, 2009)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> I love to see the varied beauty and confidence of many of the models on the paysite forum. I was wondering, for those that have modeled or currently model...how does being a paysite model change, enhance or affect your life...or even relationships (friends, family, partner)?
> 
> Do you feel that modeling has made you more confident over time as a BBW or SSBBW? What kind of personal transitions have you gone through as a result, both good and bad?
> 
> ...



I used to think people who rode motorcycles were cool. I still think bikes are cool and would love to own one but at this stage I no longer apply any mystique to the people who ride them. They can be dweebs with bikes and not an indicator of some daring wild personality beyond anyone else. It's merely a choice anyone can make if they've got the money to buy one, the space to store it, a license, insurance, etc. I hate to be the bearer of disappointing news but there is really no mystique or anything special about being a paysite model either. I've been hanging around with them since forever, have even modeled myself and I'm just as dull as I was before I modeled. It's a mixed bag of folks who do it and it's not an indicator of something better or worse than someone who chooses not to. It's just another choice.

Is it exciting? Is it glamorous? That depends. There are people who think working at Starbucks is exciting because they get to change hands with all kinds of different people that they wouldn't meet had they been working a desk job in an office building. For other's it's just a job that pays for books and weed in college. That same job can boost confidence someone doesn't have or a bad experience there can destroy confidence they had already. It depends how you look at it and what your expereinces are.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Nov 30, 2009)

Webmaster said:


> It might be because your posts always quiz people in great detail while hardly ever revealing anything about yourself. Some people like answering quizzes, others become skeptical and wonder why they are being quizzed.



If some get _that_ paranoid, then that's not my issue. I'd find that a bit neurotic. I certainly have nothing to hide, can answer questions just as much as the next person on here, and I've got no personal agenda on this board other than to participate in good conversation with a variety of people.

I've contributed to this board before financially and I often take an interest in many things. I think that makes me a productive and _supportive_ member of the board, right? It should.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Nov 30, 2009)

Ashley said:


> I'll bite.
> 
> I've not been modeling for nearly as long as some of the women who have sites (I've been doing it for over a year now), but I have been involved in Dimensions/Fat Acceptance for many years, so I have a fair bit of experience as both a reader and a contributor to the Paysite Board.
> 
> All in all, I'd consider my experience with modeling to be a good one. For me, the positives greatly outweigh the negatives, and I hope that this continues to be true.



Hi Ashley,

Thanks for responding to the thread. I definitely enjoyed reading your perspective and glad you didn't feel uncomfortable with any of the things I mentioned being curious about. 

I do find many of the paysite models inspiring even if that's not their intention. I check in, once in awhile, on some of the Twitter accounts and blogs that many of the models feature online to read commentary and opinions...for insight and also because I relate to some of their topics on weight, appearance and gender. I am thinking maybe all of these things are more interesting to me because of my gender. I'm an admirer in a different context, if that makes any sense.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Nov 30, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> I used to think people who rode motorcycles were cool. I still think bikes are cool and would love to own one but at this stage I no longer apply any mystique to the people who ride them. They can be dweebs with bikes and not an indicator of some daring wild personality beyond anyone else. It's merely a choice anyone can make if they've got the money to buy one, the space to store it, a license, insurance, etc. I hate to be the bearer of disappointing news but there is really no mystique or anything special about being a paysite model either. I've been hanging around with them since forever, have even modeled myself and I'm just as dull as I was before I modeled. It's a mixed bag of folks who do it and it's not an indicator of something better or worse than someone who chooses not to. It's just another choice.
> 
> Is it exciting? Is it glamorous? That depends. *There are people who think working at Starbucks is exciting because they get to change hands with all kinds of different people that they wouldn't meet had they been working a desk job in an office building.* For other's it's just a job that pays for books and weed in college. That same job can boost confidence someone doesn't have or a bad experience there can destroy confidence they had already. *It depends how you look at it and what your expereinces are.*



Well, "fascinating" was a "playful" title reference more than anything. I guess, my way of saying that I find different lifestyles interesting especially of people I often see in a ubiquitous sense, not necessarily because I assume they are glamorous per se, but just different in some ways than how I live. It is, when it comes to the modeling and being out there on the internet. I wouldn't have any idea of what that's like and that sparks some curiosity for me about how a different choice like that might change or effect someone's like for good or bad. It also interests me as a woman who is plus-sized. Women can be inspired by the appearance of confidence from many of the models but I wonder if the models get a good dose of confidence from doing the modeling themselves.

You're right though about the subjectivity.


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## LillyBBBW (Nov 30, 2009)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> Well, "fascinating" was a "playful" title reference more than anything. I guess, my way of saying that I find different lifestyles interesting especially of people I often see in a ubiquitous sense, not necessarily because I assume they are glamorous per se, but just different in some ways than how I live. It is, when it comes to the modeling and being out there on the internet. I wouldn't have any idea of what that's like and that sparks some curiosity for me about how a different choice like that might change or effect someone's like for good or bad. It also interests me as a woman who is plus-sized. Women can be inspired by the appearance of confidence from many of the models but I wonder if the models get a good dose of confidence from doing the modeling themselves.
> 
> You're right though about the subjectivity.



Well in all honesty the best part about modeling for me has been the impact it has on other women. Not all of them of course, there are plenty of critics and skeptics out there. Every once in a while though I will hear from someone who is delighted to see someone that looks like her up there doing something. This isn't just in the sense of modeling, I'm active in other arenas too. I get all chokey and swooney though when people relate something to me about feeling silently encouraged and validated because they see me up there standing tall and speaking out. I'm not doing what I do with this in focus though, I'm just a loud mouth and nothing more. Mine was an act of defiance against a system that kept trying to tell me what I can and can't do. I wanted my beauty to be seen before it shrivels up and sags to hell so I got up in front of the camera and flexed. Simple. The positive response I've gotten from other women, particularly young women, has been the most overwhelming for me. I didn't expect that what I did could be healing to so many people. To me that is an impact that can't be measured and something that I place high value in. Granted it's not something I hear an awful lot but I point to those moments as having the most positive impact on me.


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## Tina (Dec 1, 2009)

Ashley said:


> The confidence thing is tricky. In the insulated world of places like Dims we're showered with praise for our photos, but this is far from the case everywhere. For every sweet comment we get on the paysite board there's a jerk on a joke site or even someone in our own community who considers us prostitutes. There are as many criticisms as there are compliments. This is precisely why I don't think it's prudent for any woman to find her confidence in the way others react to her or her body.



Ashley, I didn't do the paysite model thing, but I did find when I did my Dimensions feature, and at times just posting photos here, that there was this bizarre dichotomy between being admired here and in that magazine -- sometimes greatly, and then IRL there being no FAs whatsoever where I lived (well, okay, there were four that I knew of, but none interested me). I know your life is much different, hanging with Soup and others and then going to bashes and seeing FAs on a regular basis there, I would imagine. It was like two real extremes and not much in-between: disdain out and about IRL and admiration here. It felt surreal.

I agree that it's not prudent for a woman to find her confidence within reactions to her body. At most it is a stepping stone to realization that those negative messages about fat aren't necessarily true and that beauty is not absolute -- that fat makes us neither monsters nor wonderful people and that we are more than our bodies no matter how aesthetically attractive we may be.

Thanks for your honest post; I enjoyed reading it.


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