# Boyfriend not interested in sex



## Potatodragon (May 3, 2017)

So my boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago. He's never been particularly demanding when it comes to sex or one to try and initiate intimacy. But since we started living together he just isn't interested any more. I could easily count one one hand the number of times things got intimate and it's been 8 months ... I'm feeling sad and frustrated and I'm not sure what to do? 

I've discussed it with him at length, he says he's just not as sexually active as I am and just doesn't need it as often. When we do have sex, it's freaking amazing and wonderful, he's incredible in bed! (Which makes it even more frustrating) 

As for our relationship, it's perfect, we treat each other with so much love and respect. We make each other laugh so hard we cry! This is the only thing that's bad about the relationship and it's breaking my heart, I love him so much


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## Potatodragon (May 3, 2017)

Almost every night he stays up watching by and YouTube videos and I have to go to bed alone, most nights I lie away waiting for him crying silently :/ The last thing I'd want to do is pressurise him into sex


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## Tracii (May 3, 2017)

Honey I would tell him relationships are not one sided both have needs and desires.
Relationships are about the both of you not just him.
He needs to understand this concept.
I think the line he is feeding you is BS quite frankly.
You sure its not porn he is watching?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 3, 2017)

Tracii said:


> Honey I would tell him relationships are not one sided both have needs and desires.
> Relationships are about the both of you not just him.
> He needs to understand this concept.
> I think the line he is feeding you is BS quite frankly.
> You sure its not porn he is watching?



Or chatting/camming with someone else?


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## FreeThinker (May 3, 2017)

You say he stays up late. Is he getting enough sleep?

Is there a recently-introduced stress in his life (financial, professional, family or otherwise) that may be driving him toward the 'escape' provided by watching videos?

Has his diet changed from before he moved in (eliminating or adding meat, fewer vegetables, richer food)?


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## DragonFly (May 4, 2017)

Potatodragon said:


> Almost every night he stays up watching by and YouTube videos and I have to go to bed alone, most nights I lie away waiting for him crying silently :/ The last thing I'd want to do is pressurise him into sex



This made me really sad to hear. I hate to even think it but could that be a deal breaker? It seams totally unfair to you. In my opinion sex is important in a relationship.


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## Tracii (May 4, 2017)

Don't be one of those women that suffers emotionally and you stay because you say you love him.
Like the man that beats his wife and when asked why don't you leave? The woman says I stay because I love him.
A lot of these women feel they can't do any better in finding a BF/ husband so they stay in an unhealthy relationship.
I would warn you if you think everything would be better if you just got married then think again.No it will just get worse.
I have been there and done that and I know that doesn't work.


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## AmandaLynn (May 4, 2017)

Kick him to the curb I say! Put out or get out!


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## Tad (May 4, 2017)

Is this the same BF from last year, that was losing weight? (if so, glad that things worked out one way or another that your attraction seems back on track).

It sounded from previous posts that he may have his own emotional issues going on? Could he be suffering from depression or anxiety or anything like that? Does he have health issues, is he on any medication? Or is this just what has always been normal for him?

Also, does he want to want more sex, or does he just not see what the fuss is about?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 4, 2017)

AmandaLynn said:


> Kick him to the curb I say! Put out or get out!


You just won the intranets tonight :bow:


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## AmandaLynn (May 4, 2017)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You just won the intranets tonight :bow:



Thank you! I just think there is no reason to stay in an unfulfilling relationship.


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## Potatodragon (May 5, 2017)

Thanks guys I appreciate your concern, He's not watching porn I have checked as it's just so odd. He stays up watching movie reviews and old wrestling clips. Kinda like how some men watch old football videos :/ 
He is under stress as he's struggling with money, I think that makes him feel bad but he's doing everything he can to get more hours and I'm doing my best to be supportive. 

I've also tried talking to him so many times about why he's just not that into sex, he just says he's not got much of a drive, gets uncomfortable and wants to change the subject. At first I thought he was becoming less attracted to me because I've put on a stone (my ex made me feel so insecure about my appearance) but he's reassured me it's not and he loves me no matter what. 

Our relationship is wonderful in every other way, it's just the lack of sex and it's a pretty big deal :/ I'm so conflicted


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## Potatodragon (May 5, 2017)

He's not really the kind of person to cheat, he's too kind hearted and honest, I was his first but he lost his virginity to me at 26 (which is kinda late I guess?) He enjoys it when it's happening but never initiates. However he's super romantic, always kissing me, cuddling and kissing my hand. We make each other laugh so hard we cry


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## LeoGibson (May 5, 2017)

He's a bit on the young side, but with the modern diet and other environmental toxins out there it is possible that he could be hypogonadal. If he has sexual feelings for you and is not asexual then he may be suffering from low testosterone. It can make a man lose that fire in the belly to act on the sexual attraction. I liken it to something like thinking,"hmm I'd sure like to bang my wife/girlfriend's brains out right now, but aww screw it. It's late and I'm kind of tired. We'll do it Saturday when I'm off work." But then Saturday comes with a new round of why the energy and drive just isn't there. Having low T doesn't mean that you can't perform or suffer from erectile dysfunction (although it can in some cases) it means you don't have the drive or energy to follow through on how you feel. It's the main hormone that completely regulates pretty much everything in a male's body and definitely worth getting checked.


On some of the other advice, I shudder to think of the shit I'd catch if I said,"My wife won't put out so I had to kick that bitch to the curb. I'm outta here. Bye Felicia!"

Look, while I appreciate everyone's relationship is different, but sometimes it really really really sucks being in one. But if you love that person you keep grinding until you get to the other side. Too many people are quick to give up if things aren't exactly what they want. Sometimes it just don't work that way. Look, I've been married 20 years and I like to tell people I've found the secret to a long marriage. You ready for it? Here it is, don't get divorced. Granted there are certain dealbreakers like domestic violence or infidelity, but everything else for the most part can be worked through if you love that person enough to be stubborn. You won't always be happy every single day, that's just unrealistic. There will be long periods of time where it is not much fun, but there's always the other side of that situation and when you get to it, your relationship grows so much sweeter and stronger for it. Remember, diamonds are made by intense heat and pressure. Just my .02 cents.


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## Potatodragon (May 9, 2017)

LeoGibson said:


> He's a bit on the young side, but with the modern diet and other environmental toxins out there it is possible that he could be hypogonadal. If he has sexual feelings for you and is not asexual then he may be suffering from low testosterone. It can make a man lose that fire in the belly to act on the sexual attraction. I liken it to something like thinking,"hmm I'd sure like to bang my wife/girlfriend's brains out right now, but aww screw it. It's late and I'm kind of tired. We'll do it Saturday when I'm off work." But then Saturday comes with a new round of why the energy and drive just isn't there. Having low T doesn't mean that you can't perform or suffer from erectile dysfunction (although it can in some cases) it means you don't have the drive or energy to follow through on how you feel. It's the main hormone that completely regulates pretty much everything in a male's body and definitely worth getting checked.
> 
> 
> On some of the other advice, I shudder to think of the shit I'd catch if I said,"My wife won't put out so I had to kick that bitch to the curb. I'm outta here. Bye Felicia!"
> ...



I couldn't agree more, I'd be bloody mental to throw away what we have together. I'd rather work through it and find a solution  What you said about the hormone levels sounds absolutely spot on! Ill talk to him about it and see if it's worth going to the Drs about. 
This guy even got circumcised so we could have sex (his foreskin was too tight) so it's not like he isn't interested. 
We had a good talk the last few days and it seems stress is the main issue at the moment, but he also just can't be bothered most of the time, promises he'll try at the weekend then says he's tired :S


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## fuelingfire (May 9, 2017)

Potatodragon said:


> I couldn't agree more, I'd be bloody mental to throw away what we have together. I'd rather work through it and find a solution  What you said about the hormone levels sounds absolutely spot on! Ill talk to him about it and see if it's worth going to the Drs about.
> This guy even got circumcised so we could have sex (his foreskin was too tight) so it's not like he isn't interested.
> We had a good talk the last few days and it seems stress is the main issue at the moment, but he also just can't be bothered most of the time, promises he'll try at the weekend then says he's tired :S



Yes, but how do you feel about prostate cancer? That is an important question to ask yourself before starting testosterone supplements. Pharmaceutical companies are heavily advertising low T these days.

Being stressed is a libido killer.


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## LeoGibson (May 9, 2017)

fuelingfire said:


> Yes, but how do you feel about prostate cancer? That is an important question to ask yourself before starting testosterone supplements. Pharmaceutical companies are heavily advertising low T these days.
> 
> Being stressed is a libido killer.



Why would you ask that when there has not been any credible study linking prostate cancer to TRT? What is thought is that there *may* be a possibility that it could exacerbate the condition if you do have it but not that it can cause it. Also the widely accepted truth is that the only men who don't have prostate cancer are those that died before it could develop. That if you live long enough you will have it at some point. There's lots of good articles and research on the subject, believe me I did my homework before starting it myself.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/05/160507143326.htm

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/540617_2

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3424887/


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## fuelingfire (May 10, 2017)

LeoGibson said:


> Why would you ask that when there has not been any credible study linking prostate cancer to TRT? What is thought is that there *may* be a possibility that it could exacerbate the condition if you do have it but not that it can cause it. Also the widely accepted truth is that the only men who don't have prostate cancer are those that died before it could develop. That if you live long enough you will have it at some point. There's lots of good articles and research on the subject, believe me I did my homework before starting it myself.
> 
> https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/05/160507143326.htm
> 
> ...



Correlation does not equal causation. You can quick google the differences in rates on many sites. But one groups rates of cancer are higher by about 9 percent. I bring it up because someone was just diagnosed on an online forum. They might go to a doctor now requesting a medication. Doctors do take what a patient wants seriously. But it could be something else entirely. I would not want someone to take that lightly. Plus it could still be a problem he isn't telling her. I am not trying to start a fight.


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## Tracii (May 10, 2017)

Sounds like the local internet hyde park Drs come in here too.
They seem to quote web Md all the time so take that for whats its worth.
Web Md is the wiki of the medical world.
Honey just have him go to the Dr and explain his issues and find out what may be causing them.


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## fuelingfire (May 10, 2017)

Tracii said:


> Sounds like the local internet hyde park Drs come in here too.
> They seem to quote web Md all the time so take that for whats its worth.
> Web Md is the wiki of the medical world.
> Honey just have him go to the Dr and explain his issues and find out what may be causing them.



Please, I have never used WebMD. "Davis's Drug Guide for Nurses" 14th Edition. Page 1174


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## Potatodragon (May 11, 2017)

I don't think he's gona need hormone treatment, just less stress. He's been through a lot, with work, with his family and I think he puts a lot of pressure on himself. Things have started to improve since talking about it, we did it twice in a week! Wooooo! Still all me initiating but I'm trying to be more vocal about it and tell him I want him to put some effort in too ^^' hopefully this keeps up! Thanks for the advice guys Xxx


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## quantumbits (Jun 7, 2017)

Put the other shoe on. Imagine if he wnated it too much?

It's hard to impossible to get everything you want. Appreciate what yo uhave.

I'm not saying give up trying to get him interested again. Just be grateful.


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## swamptoad (Jun 24, 2017)

Sounds like you both need a vacation together. Get out together and breathe in the nature. Nature cures a lot. Hope the best for you both!


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## plushkitty (Jun 24, 2017)

Is he on any antidepressants? Some of those can really kill your libido. I hope you and your boyfriend find a solution!


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## AppreSheAte (Jun 24, 2017)

Find a way to cut lose; indulge; let each other let yourself go. (If some of these expressions sound like they're related to getting fat, well, I tend to think it can help.)


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## Pattie Vincent (Jul 21, 2017)

Can relate to that. My partner too. He's totally different from other guys. Then I found out that his uncle is a gay??


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## Tracii (Jul 21, 2017)

Just because his Uncle is gay doesn't mean your guy is Pattie.
Its not like you catch it being around a gay person.LOLOL


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## dwesterny (Jul 31, 2017)

Pattie Vincent said:


> Then I found out that his uncle is a gay??



What the actual fuck? First did you really say "a gay"? I mean... People still say shit like that? And what does a gay uncle have to do with anyth *head explodes*

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JohGniYph-c"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JohGniYph-c[/ame]


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## ashishverma011 (Sep 19, 2017)

Just talk with him about whts the matter. Is he interested in you or not.


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## LarryTheNoodleGuy (Sep 19, 2017)

on second thought


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## Potatodragon (Feb 6, 2018)

Finally got him to the Dr after the sex died a horrible death, we hadnt done anything in a year. Hes still massively affectionate, but he admits he just cant be bothered and its too much effort. 
Test results showed he had low Tostesterone levels so he will need that fixed, its a relief to finally have an answer tbh. Were still together and very much in love but we will also be seaking counselling if theres no improvement, atm were in a sex once a year at best relationship and its frustrating for me


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## Tracii (Feb 6, 2018)

Have you ever thought about reversing the situation to try and understand where he is coming from? 
If you didn't want sex and he did? Would you like it if he said you need to get that fixed like you had low E lets say.
Many couples after years of marriage just lose the sex drive because its the same every day you are with that person all the time.
My ex lost interest because I was a bitch and complained all the time about him. He was a jack ass yes but I drove him away.
My point is look at yourself first and don't put all the blame on him because maybe its you that has changed.


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## hommecreux (Feb 9, 2018)

Being the first time I've read through this thread, and after reading through it's whole progression, I have something else to say. But originally I came here to say that it might be a low T problem. I myself have had an issue with T since I started getting up there in the Lbs, and my sex drive still isn't what it was when I was a much lower weight. 

But I'm glad you two have found the issue, I would just mention that it can take some time for him to get his drive back. The body and mind takes time to adjust to the introduction of hormones when they've been lacking.


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## Potatodragon (Feb 12, 2018)

Tracii said:


> Have you ever thought about reversing the situation to try and understand where he is coming from?
> If you didn't want sex and he did? Would you like it if he said you need to get that fixed like you had low E lets say.
> Many couples after years of marriage just lose the sex drive because its the same every day you are with that person all the time.
> My ex lost interest because I was a bitch and complained all the time about him. He was a jack ass yes but I drove him away.
> My point is look at yourself first and don't put all the blame on him because maybe its you that has changed.



The problem is low T... and we have a very close and understanding relationship, I was paranoid that it was me that was the problem but hes frequently reassured me that Im not. Now we have a diagnosis we know this for sure.


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## Potatodragon (Feb 12, 2018)

hommecreux said:


> Being the first time I've read through this thread, and after reading through it's whole progression, I have something else to say. But originally I came here to say that it might be a low T problem. I myself have had an issue with T since I started getting up there in the Lbs, and my sex drive still isn't what it was when I was a much lower weight.
> 
> But I'm glad you two have found the issue, I would just mention that it can take some time for him to get his drive back. The body and mind takes time to adjust to the introduction of hormones when they've been lacking.



Thank you for the insight, yeah I understand its something thats going to take time and thats ok  I want to ensure hes not under any pressure to have sex so he doesnt get stressed out or frustrated when things dont work out. Thankfully we have a very loving and intimate relationship otherwise so I think we can work through this together &#128149;


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## trevthefa (Mar 12, 2018)

Also testosterone production reduces by 1% per year when you hit 40

Theres a big difference in looking at your gf bottom when shes wearing new tight grey yoga pants and going "wow, I want that NOW", and getting a tingling feeling down there, or going meh or completely not noticing.

Daily turmeric spice powder may worth trying as a natural cure if people dont want to look at Testosterone treatments.

Diet is a big thing, and the western lifestyle/work/balance diet must be a big contributor to falling birthrates. We are exposed to too much processed chemicals.


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