# Are People Getting Off Too Much On Feeling Sorry For Themselves?



## superodalisque (Aug 9, 2009)

sometimes i'm get a bit worried when i log into dims. for a site that is supposed to be about celebrating the joys of being fat and enjoying enjoying fat there seems to be a lot of misery. am i misreading something? am i over analyzing something. is my view skewed? is it just me or is there a lot more talk about the difficulties being large and/or liking that than the fun parts. and there also seems to be a lot of anger over both as well as though people resent being fat and resent being attracted to it. what do you think?


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## TallFatSue (Aug 9, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> sometimes i'm get a bit worried when i log into dims. for a site that is supposed to be about celebrating the joys of being fat and enjoying enjoying fat there seems to be a lot of misery. am i misreading something? am i over analyzing something. is my view skewed? is it just me or is there a lot more talk about the difficulties being large and/or liking that than the fun parts. and there also seems to be a lot of anger over both as well as though people resent being fat and resent being attracted to it. what do you think?


Agreed. Sometimes I've wondered the same. I do appreciate the insights into the difficulties of being large, because I have gleaned many helpful hints from this forum, and I hope I can share some of my own coping mechanisms. Sometimes it can be a major challenge going through daily life with so much fat bouncing around because it is heavy, awkward and bulky, and I feel a few more aches and pains with every passing year. 

Nonethless I truly enjoy being as fat as I am, not necessarily the fat itself, but the fringe benefits of obesity have been wonderful. I honestly believe a lifetime of obesity has made me a better person because it has forced me to think independently and creatively, and it probably gives me more empathy for others. My size also makes give me a greater aura of authority in my role as an office manager. Oh what the heck, I'm just vain enough to relish the look and feel of my fat, so I carry it with pride, despite the very real but fortunately only occasional difficulties. 

My concern is that others sometimes regard me as annoyingly cheerful or as too much of a Pollyanna (or Suzyanna). I feel truly blessed to have such a rich rewarding life, a happy home, good career etc., and a wonderful fat-appreciating husband to share it with. A few months ago Art & I practically pratfalled (pratfell?) into a wonderful friendship with another couple in which fat was only one of several catalysts. So I try to share some of my experiences so that others can be aware of the possibilities. Maybe I should try to share more of my bad experiences, but fortunately they are few and far between. A positive attitude works wonders, so methinx I'll err on the side of being positive.


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## frankman (Aug 9, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> sometimes i'm get a bit worried when i log into dims. for a site that is supposed to be about celebrating the joys of being fat and enjoying enjoying fat there seems to be a lot of misery. am i misreading something? am i over analyzing something. is my view skewed? is it just me or is there a lot more talk about the difficulties being large and/or liking that than the fun parts. and there also seems to be a lot of anger over both as well as though people resent being fat and resent being attracted to it. what do you think?



You know, I've wondered the same thing some times, but just logged it away as: "they're the big ones, I'm just an FA, perhaps I don't understand." but I don't think it's getting off though. I think it's an effect of getting familiar with the posters in the community. People feeling comfortable enough to start complaining about stuff.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 9, 2009)

frankman said:


> You know, I've wondered the same thing some times, but just logged it away as: "they're the big ones, I'm just an FA, perhaps I don't understand." but I don't think it's getting off though. I think it's an effect of getting familiar with the posters in the community. People feeling comfortable enough to start complaining about stuff.



I feel really sorry for you Frankman......just thought you should know.....


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 9, 2009)

SO, I think you're bucking human nature. When things go well for us (and I include myself here) we tend to take it for granted, but let something go wrong and we get vocal. I don't think I've ever written to a manufacturer to say how delighted I am with their product, but I've written letters of complaint. At my university the students fill out a questionnaire each semester rating their professors; they used to be given papers to fill out, but this year the system went online, and the students are expected to take the initiative in doing the evaluation. The general assumption is that most of the evaluations will be negative, because only the students who are angry will take the time to write. I sympathize with you, but I doubt things will change: most people's glasses are half-empty.*


*Mine, on the other hand, is completely empty. I drank it all, and it was great. Another of the same, barkeep!


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## TallFatSue (Aug 9, 2009)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> SO, I think you're bucking human nature. When things go well for us (and I include myself here) we tend to take it for granted, but let something go wrong and we get vocal. I don't think I've ever written to a manufacturer to say how delighted I am with their product, but I've written letters of complaint. At my university the students fill out a questionnaire each semester rating their professors; they used to be given papers to fill out, but this year the system went online, and the students are expected to take the initiative in doing the evaluation. The general assumption is that most of the evaluations will be negative, because only the students who are angry will take the time to write. I sympathize with you, but I doubt things will change: most people's glasses are half-empty.*
> 
> *Mine, on the other hand, is completely empty. I drank it all, and it was great. Another of the same, barkeep!


Egads, I must really be a strange bird. I view my glass as half-full, so pour some more, por favor. I rarely take anything for granted, and every day I thank goodness for how lucky I am. If I drive to or from work and happen to have green traffic signals all the way, I can become a big bundle of happiness. I have also been known to write complimentary letters to manufacturers about how happy I am with their products -- not often, but it has happened. I do complain when appropriate, though.

You are absolutely right about human nature and how many of us focus on the bad. And there's no question that the bad often takes precedent over the good, because it needs to be corrected, whereas the good usually takes care of itself. It's just that correcting the bad, while not always successful, does help deplete the bad column and build up the good column in the long run.

Methinx also that many people in general simply find it easier to *complain* about something than to actually *do* something about it. Granted, there's a lot of injustice in the world, and there are indeed awful situations which are simply out of our hands. But there is also much truth to that old saw that if life gives you lemons, make lemonade -- although we usually aim higher for lemon meringue pie! :eat2:

Teeny tiny example: Once we went out to dinner with some old friends we've known for decades, their steak wasn't very good and they began to complain to each other about it. Art & I suggested they send it back and ask the server for another. But they wouldn't hear of it. Instead, for the rest of the meal they groused about their lousy steak. Good gravy, my belly is much too valuable to subject it to a lousy steak. I'd send it back, and get a suitable replacement. Situation resolved.


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## frankman (Aug 9, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I feel really sorry for you Frankman......just thought you should know.....



wallow, wallow, wallow.:happy:


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## Brenda (Aug 9, 2009)

""for a site that is supposed to be about celebrating the joys of being fat and enjoying enjoying fat there seems to be a lot of misery. am i misreading something?""

There is a lot of misery out there. I have a terrific life in spite of being fat not everyone is that fortunate.

Brenda


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## SocialbFly (Aug 9, 2009)

Brenda, you took the words right out of my mouth...

i think what we are missing is that most EVERYONE is having a rough time right now, the economy sucks, people are struggling...in many ways...being fat is just a reality of my life..it is a part of it, it does not define me, it does not make me who i am.....but it does affect my day to day living and it does affect how i am seen.

The world as a whole, US as a specific and the rest of us included are facing tough times and it is normal that people grouse more during that time. 

It is hard to be positive about everything in life when so much is in the crapper....


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## Miss Vickie (Aug 9, 2009)

Di and Brenda, I agree. And for a lot of years, we were really discouraged from speaking honestly about our struggles being fat. It was all celebration, all the time, and many of us felt very lonely and very isolated from other fat people, despite posting here together.

I think it's important that people share with each other their difficulties. I know it's not as fun as "rah rah fat" but for many of us it's much more real.


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## orin (Aug 9, 2009)

.... sorry ... was distracted by posters profile ... man she is so pretty ... 

but i think its important to be real about any situation ... if there are some aspects to being bigger that does cause some anguish i think its important to share that also .... along with the good stuff about being bigger also ofcourse


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## TallFatSue (Aug 9, 2009)

Not to diminish the many difficulties we all face as fat people, there are are some aspects I really truly enjoy about my size.

I. Fat and its Fringe Benefits
1. Fat makes me look 10 years younger. 
2. Massages feel soooo good. :smitten:
3. I can eat whatever I want and as much as I want. :eat2:
4. My body feels rich and bountiful.
5. Soft warm abundant fat feels so nice and comfy.
6. I enjoy the sensation of my fat jiggling and bouncing around as I walk. 
7. I sure do float when I swim.
8. Fat women are world-class huggers. If you've never been hugged by a big gorgeous fat woman, you've never really been hugged at all. 

II. Sizable Advantages
1. I command attention when I enter a room.
2. It's fun to stand out in a crowd.
3. A very fat woman is both commanding and comforting. 
4. My size is a great equalizer with most of the men in the workplace, although it's probably due as much to my height as my weight.
5. My extra mass and surface area seem to make me much more sensual than the average woman.

III. The Three Bs: Boobs, Belly and Butt
1. My big fat ass feels soooo good nestled in my favorite comfy chair. Purrrr....
2. At my height, it's amusing when shorter men try not to stare at my chest too obviously when they talk to me. It's hilarious when they stutter or lose their train of thought. 
3. Decades of my mother's time-worn nagging about my weight -- "Doesn't it bother you to have that belly of yours hanging out for all the world to see?" -- mostly backfired, so YES I DO happen to enjoy having a BIG HANGING BELLY, thank you very much.


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## Miss Vickie (Aug 9, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> Not to diminish the many difficulties we all face as fat people, there are are some aspects I really truly enjoy about my size.
> 
> I. Fat and its Fringe Benefits
> 1. Fat makes me look 10 years younger.
> ...



Yeah but by posting this, you ARE diminishing their issues. It's great that you love being fat, and haven't had any problems being fat. But by saying how mucho grande it is all the time, I think it makes some women here feel badly that they can't live up to your happiness. It's like you're rubbing it in their faces (and no, I'm not taking about your ginormous breasts, either).

I think a little sensitivity is in order. People here are in PAIN. They cannot work. They cannot enjoy their lives. The hurt ALL the time and are facing debilitating, life threatening conditions.

Talking about how great your life in this thread is insensitive, in my opinion.


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## superodalisque (Aug 9, 2009)

Brenda said:


> ""for a site that is supposed to be about celebrating the joys of being fat and enjoying enjoying fat there seems to be a lot of misery. am i misreading something?""
> 
> There is a lot of misery out there. I have a terrific life in spite of being fat not everyone is that fortunate.
> 
> Brenda



i can understand that. i have had some terrible situations in my life as well. right now i'm not physically at my best. i have a huge amount of loss in the l past 5 years. i also have lots of things i could dwell on from my childhood. but for me that makes it even more important to at least enjoy what i can. i'm not saying that people shouldn't express it when they are having a hard time but what i am saying is that i wonder if not being able to see the good stuff at all makes the tough stuff even harder to handle when it does come along. isn't there a lot of joy out there too to be had and to share in?


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## Miss Vickie (Aug 9, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i can understand that. i have had some terrible situations in my life as well. right now i'm not physically at my best. i have a huge amount of loss in the l past 5 years. i also have lots of things i could dwell on from my childhood. but for me that makes it even more important to at least enjoy what i can. i'm not saying that people shouldn't express it when they are having a hard time but what i am saying is that i wonder if not being able to see the good stuff at all makes the tough stuff even harder to handle when it does come along. isn't there a lot of joy out there too to be had and to share in?



Super, often when people are in chronic pain or have chronic conditions that cause a total or partial lack of health or comfort, they also often experience clinical depression. When they're depressed like that, it can be hard for them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and see the good things in life. I can only imagine that any relationship issues or financial problems they may have could only exacerbate that, you know? Some people are obviously better able at bouncing back than others, but when someone has a serious chemical imbalance, it can sadly color the way they view the world.  All the rainbows and puppies we throw them, unfortunately, won't help.

I wish it were otherwise...


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## superodalisque (Aug 9, 2009)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> SO, I think you're bucking human nature. When things go well for us (and I include myself here) we tend to take it for granted, but let something go wrong and we get vocal. I don't think I've ever written to a manufacturer to say how delighted I am with their product, but I've written letters of complaint. At my university the students fill out a questionnaire each semester rating their professors; they used to be given papers to fill out, but this year the system went online, and the students are expected to take the initiative in doing the evaluation. The general assumption is that most of the evaluations will be negative, because only the students who are angry will take the time to write. I sympathize with you, but I doubt things will change: most people's glasses are half-empty.*
> 
> 
> *Mine, on the other hand, is completely empty. I drank it all, and it was great. Another of the same, barkeep!



see, in general i think thats a western thing. not every culture is like that. do you think its because we feel guilty about everything that we do have because of our puritan origins? or maybe it is human nature because we focus on what we fear biologically. if that's true i wonder what it is that we fear so much in actually getting some pleasure out of life.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 9, 2009)

i dont disagree that a positive attitude helps...but it helps society as a whole, like i said, America as a whole is hurting and in turn the world...

it isnt just us, as fat people, it is us as a society that is in pain...we all know we could go in to it at length...but the truth is, we all know it...
'

unfortunately pain like this is insideous, it carries into our lives in all aspects, even in our happy go lucky fat lives...

it is so much in so many areas from lack of health ccare to financial issues to on and on...we could keep going....

so, my answer again, is it is a bigger, fatter issue than just personal...

and tallfatsue, i am glad that is your reality and that you canalways be so positive about being big...my size isnt all there is of me, it is just a part...albeit a big part...but good for you that it is what works for you all the time. Not all of us have partners to ease our time, many of us struggle day to day...remember that too.


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## superodalisque (Aug 10, 2009)

Miss Vickie said:


> Super, often when people are in chronic pain or have chronic conditions that cause a total or partial lack of health or comfort, they also often experience clinical depression. When they're depressed like that, it can be hard for them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and see the good things in life. I can only imagine that any relationship issues or financial problems they may have could only exacerbate that, you know? Some people are obviously better able at bouncing back than others, but when someone has a serious chemical imbalance, it can sadly color the way they view the world.  All the rainbows and puppies we throw them, unfortunately, won't help.
> 
> I wish it were otherwise...



i can understand it. i've experienced chronic pain health and mobility issues for several months now. but i know that if i focused too much on all of the negative aspects instead of things that could help me to enjoy life better i would be 100% depressed all of the time. and i'm pretty sure i wouldn't be improving very much either. i'm actually grateful in a weird way that i'm going through this because it has really helped me to understand some things a little better.

i disagree about puppies and rainbows. i think if you can manage to see the puppies and rainbows and focus on that, then at least for a few minutes anyway you can get some kind of relief from some of negative aspects for your situation. on top of all that it can be proven biologically the effects of your attitude on your health. i often wonder if maybe some of the health problems don't derive more from depression than anything else. depression affects your autoimmune system. depression can keep you from being more active and also more healthy. so maybe it could be a kind of chicken and egg thing especially when you talk about weight.

also there are a lot of people here who have great health and the focus can still be quite negative. being human has its challenges but is it some kind of a requirement to always be mired down in that. and what about celebrating it when some , no matter how small are overcome? and also what about encouraging more positive and joyous things in our lives even if we do have a tendancy to focus on the tough stuff. where do we get relief? can we create more relief for ourselves and other people?


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## Miss Vickie (Aug 10, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i disagree about puppies and rainbows. i think if you can manage to see the puppies and rainbows and foocus on that, then at least for a few minutes anyway you can get some kind of relief from some of negative aspects for your situation. on top of all that it can be proven biologically the effects of your atitude on your health. i often wonder if maybe some of the health problems don't derive more from depression than anything else. depression affects your autoimmune system. depression can keep you from being more active and also more healthy. so maybe it could be a kind of chicken and egg thing especially when you talk about weight.



I think it's definitely a chicken egg thing. But people who are depressed often *can't* see the puppies and rainbows. They just aren't there for them. There is no positivity. And sadly, there is a lot of untreated depression that coexists with chronic illness. They're starting to treat it more, because they're finding that people actually respond better to pain meds when they have antidepressants on board.

And I'm not just pulling this shit out of my ass. It's stuff I learned in nursing school and stuff I see in my work. We don't get a lot of chronically ill or depressed people, but for those we do, there's no cheering them up. Their depression colors every single thing around them. It's quite sad.  Until we address the very real chemical imbalance, most are incapable of looking on the bright side.



> also there are a lot of people here who have great health and the focus can still be quite negative.



Oh yes. And we see their personality types very early in life. I've experienced those people very personally and it's hard being around them.  They seem to expect the worst, and then can't handle it when it happens to them.



> and also what about encouraging more positive and joyous things in our lives even if we do have a tendancy to focus on the tough stuff. where do we get relief? can we create some relief for ourselves and other people?



Oh I agree. I just think that it's unfair to expect people not to feel the very real things they are feeling. Many years ago at Dimensions, when those of us would express frustration, sadness, etc about how hard it was being fat, we were often pressured not to talk about it because it was so at odds with the celebrate fat mantra that so many people espouse. I guess that's why I'm a little extra sensitive about it...


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## pmdogg (Aug 10, 2009)

Just got laid off, can't buy food and I'm hungry. I hate being fat right now cause watching the food network only makes my situation worse. I so want to order a pizza. Life is great though, I still feel really good about myself!


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## superodalisque (Aug 10, 2009)

Miss Vickie said:


> I think it's definitely a chicken egg thing. But people who are depressed often *can't* see the puppies and rainbows. They just aren't there for them. There is no positivity. And sadly, there is a lot of untreated depression that coexists with chronic illness. They're starting to treat it more, because they're finding that people actually respond better to pain meds when they have antidepressants on board.
> 
> And I'm not just pulling this shit out of my ass. It's stuff I learned in nursing school and stuff I see in my work. We don't get a lot of chronically ill or depressed people, but for those we do, there's no cheering them up. Their depression colors every single thing around them. It's quite sad.  Until we address the very real chemical imbalance, most are incapable of looking on the bright side.
> 
> ...



believe me, i know that depression is real. i don't discount it at all. i've had to have some training because i am in education. i've also taught therapy related art courses etc... its not that i don't expect people to have those emotions at all. there are a lot of people who need the help. people here are great and often share their stories about dealing with depression. there are a lot of people here that i know have dealt with it. i'm so proud of them because there is an obvious improvement and they are really important when it comes to helping people who deal with the same thing. 

having said that though there are still people who don't have clinical depression ,as you say, who still have a tendancy to see the dark side of things. i have no problem with that either. thats just how they are. its just that the other part is often missing altogether. and when it is missing to a large extent i'm not even sure it helps people who are depressed. even they need something to make them laugh or smile in spite of themselves -- and not darkly at the expense of something or someone else. part of therapy for people having issues is not just that they talk about what is gnawing at them but also to do things to help to lift them out of it somewhat. the ability and the practive of having enjoyment is really an important component to getting well too. whether you have depression or not sometimes it takes effort to find pleasure in things. 

mainly, i just wonder why its such big deal to make that effort and why there seems to be so much opposition to that here. even the people who can manage it are often stopped as though there is something terribly wrong with being positive. it worries me because i feel that is unhealthy. its great to be real. reality is a good thing. but fun fantasy etc... exist for a reason. human beings have always needed something to give them a break from reality once in a while. and whose reality are we speaking of anyway? one person's reality might be someone else's nightmare even if they have the very same experiences. its all about how people intepret what happens to them. we have some control over that. we aren;t just aways riding along on an out of control current. 

another thing that bothers me is that it seems that this negativity is associated with SSBBWs in bad health. i know a lot of SSBBWs who are struggling with a lot of very tough things that they even talk about but they aren't negative over all and most of the things they contribute to dims are positive. so its unfair to them to pretend that its some sick unhealthy SSBBW who is depressed who is playing a a miserable note where ever she goes. that is far from the truth. its happening across the board. and its also the domain of a lot of FAs as well which i think i mentioned in the initial post but that has been ignored. they generally have none of the issues that SSBBWs or BHMs have. its more than just reality at work here. i think its some kind of subconscious decision people have made that somehow all of this is bad. i think its time to examine that in thier own minds.


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## pmdogg (Aug 10, 2009)

Sometimes we find that people talking shit about us drives to feel better about ourselves. When I feel miserable it sometimes helps things out to talk about other people.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 10, 2009)

I have to agree with that to a certain aspect...i am an ssbbw, and i will be 50 in a month...i am lucky and blessed, i have some autoimmune stuff going on...but i have normal blood work, normal blood pressure etc...

but lets be honest...aging alone comes with strings attached as does being fat, as a nurse, i see the realities...am i going to dwell...no...but i think we forget that with age and size does come issues...but age with a lot of things bring issues....if it is size, alcohol, running, sports, unsafe sex etc...you hopefully get what i am saying...aging plus brings issues no matter what...things i could do (walk miles, run, play raquetball, on and on....) were a reality at 25 (and fat, aound 350-375) but at 50 and this size..no fricking way...

the best things we can do is to educate ourselves, take care of ourselves and live our lives to the best of our abilities...


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 10, 2009)

I think the reason we see so much complaining or whatever you'd like to call it (complaining sounds so negative and that's not what I'm trying to convey) here because this is one place where people don't try to censor themselves as much.. more people are real regarding complaints than they might necessarily be in their regular lives.. and I think the reason for this is simply because we feel a sense of community and ability to relate with one another. Telling a thin person you're worried about fitting somewhere is not the same as telling someone who is of a similar size and truly knows how nervewracking that can be.


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## Miss Vickie (Aug 10, 2009)

I just don't want people to feel bad for... feeling bad. And for expressing themselves, needing support, etc. That's all.


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## superodalisque (Aug 10, 2009)

Miss Vickie said:


> I just don't want people to feel bad for... feeling bad. And for expressing themselves, needing support, etc. That's all.



me either. but i want them to know its ok to feel good too.


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## moore2me (Aug 10, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> sometimes i'm get a bit worried when i log into dims. for a site that is supposed to be about celebrating the joys of being fat and enjoying enjoying fat there seems to be a lot of misery. am i misreading something? am i over analyzing something. is my view skewed? is it just me or is there a lot more talk about the difficulties being large and/or liking that than the fun parts. and there also seems to be a lot of anger over both as well as though people resent being fat and resent being attracted to it. what do you think?



*SuperD,

I have said this before in these forums that adults in the the US are way too concerned about being "happy" or having fun. Most people in the world find this concept entirely strange and unachievable. Sure kids have fun and are happy at play, but most adults go about a serious business of work and keeping the family fed, clothed, alive, educated, and together.

When we get time to have a little pleasure, hopefully we can enjoy it without being picked on because we look less than spectacular in our bathing suit. Or, we can enjoy family time at Six Flags without being told we are too fat to fit in the new river chute ride. I would like to relax and enjoy a meal at a nice restaurant without the booth being too tight for my fat butt to squeeze into the stall. And finally, I would like to take a pee in a public bathroom without finding myself on the floor because the toilet broke and I landed on the tile floor.

I do not grouse about my lot in life (wouldn't do any good). Plus a liberal daily dose of Zoloft is a big help. However, when something sneaks up to bite me on the butt, I look on it as a challenge that I must overcome. When I wake up each morning, I know there will be challenges ahead - I must prepare to do battle with the little demons, triumph, live thru the day, and emerge victorious over (or at least break even at the end of the day). *


TallFatSue said:


> (Edited)
> Teeny tiny example: Once we went out to dinner with some old friends we've known for decades, their steak wasn't very good and they began to complain to each other about it. Art & I suggested they send it back and ask the server for another. But they wouldn't hear of it. Instead, for the rest of the meal they groused about their lousy steak. Good gravy, my belly is much too valuable to subject it to a lousy steak. I'd send it back, and get a suitable replacement. Situation resolved.



*Sue, I would never be so . . . brave . . . as to send a steak back like you did, say it was lousy and ask for a replacement. Or, at least I wouldn't eat it when it came back from the kitchen. I would have to side with your friends on this one. What I would do is take a comment card and write a comment to management and mail it in the next day. Or, ask for the manager and ask for a partial refund of the meal - showing the uneaten steak as evidence.*


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 10, 2009)

I always send back food if it isn't cooked right or something. I did that last night actually. My chicken was pink.. as in not fully cooked. I came for a meal, I want a meal. End of story.


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## kayrae (Aug 10, 2009)

I think this thread title is quite off-putting. If someone's unhappy, why would you think they're "getting off" on their misery? When I write about my negative experiences or my unhappiness on the forums, it's because I'm looking for another kindred spirit who might have gone through something similar. Almost all of my friends in SF are thin. Sometimes they simply cannot understand what I'm going through because they're not fat. This doesn't mean I'm unhappy. I'm just sharing.


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## mergirl (Aug 10, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> Teeny tiny example: Once we went out to dinner with some old friends we've known for decades, their steak wasn't very good and they began to complain to each other about it. Art & I suggested they send it back and ask the server for another. But they wouldn't hear of it. Instead, for the rest of the meal they groused about their lousy steak. Good gravy, my belly is much too valuable to subject it to a lousy steak. I'd send it back, and get a suitable replacement. Situation resolved.



Yes. Brave! I would never send food back. Unless i liked the special sauce that indignant chiefs often like to add. 
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61636


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## Keb (Aug 10, 2009)

Yeah, sometimes you need a safe outlet to express your fears and frustrations. Here people have a community that in general understands those fears and frustrations, so they come out. I think there is still plenty of celebration, though. The thread that initially made me come back to DIMs when I discovered it was called "Why I'm Happy I'm Fat Today". (Not Hyde Park, actually--though that kept me coming back in the long term!) It was a fluffy sort of thread that made me think about why I personally might see good in my fat, and it made me feel good. 

For the record, I'm happy I'm fat today because I know I'm snuggly.

And I'm happy I'm me today because my novel is rolling along beautifully--even if I just hit a plot twist I wasn't expecting that will make life more difficult for all of my characters!


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## TallFatSue (Aug 10, 2009)

Miss Vickie said:


> Talking about how great your life in this thread is insensitive, in my opinion.


I do apologize for being insensitive and sometimes just plain clueless. I can understand how it might seem that I'm gloating, which is not my intent at all. I simply feel truly grateful for how lucky I've been, although to be honest my husband & I have created some of our own luck. Again I do apologize if I offend people by being too annoyingly cheerful, so just slap me if I become too, er, exuberant. On the other hand, I've just received a couple PMs from people who tell me to please keep posting. So methinx I'll continue to err on the side of being positive. However I will try to tone it down a notch or two. 



Dr. Feelgood said:


> I don't think I've ever written to a manufacturer to say how delighted I am with their product, but I've written letters of complaint.





moore2me said:


> Sue, I would never be so . . . brave . . . as to send a steak back like you did, say it was lousy and ask for a replacement. Or, at least I wouldn't eat it when it came back from the kitchen. I would have to side with your friends on this one. What I would do is take a comment card and write a comment to management and mail it in the next day. Or, ask for the manager and ask for a partial refund of the meal - showing the uneaten steak as evidence.


Yep, I do have a goofy outlook on life. Although I have never actually said a steak was "lousy", I have occasionally sent food back and diplomatically described it as tough, too salty etc. After all, I don't want to tick off the person preparing my food! So I do it with a smile and assume that it was only a mistake. Afterward (and this shows how truly warped I am), I fill out the comment card about my generally positive experience. _Was there a problem?_ Yes. _Was it resolved to your satisfaction?_ Yes. After all, mistakes are bound to happen anywhere, and I've made more than a few faux pas of my own. However one can judge a truly good restaurant, hotel etc. but how well they resolve those mistakes. I also tip well for good service. Positive reinforcement. 

If the service, food etc. was truly bad, I let them know in no uncertain terms. For example, one restaurant charged us for something we didn't order. We brought it to our server's attention, she corrected it and all's well that ends well. Or so we thought. A month later it happened again. Time to raise the roof! We politely but firmly spoke to a manager about it, who said our meals would be free. But it was a while before we ever dined there again.

Generally I assume people are truly trying their best, and I'd rather give them the benefit of the doubt. If it doesn't improve then, I vote with my feet (and my belly) and take my patronage elsewhere.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 10, 2009)

kayrae said:


> I think this thread title is quite off-putting. If someone's unhappy, why would you think they're "getting off" on their misery? When I write about my negative experiences or my unhappiness on the forums, it's because I'm looking for another kindred spirit who might have gone through something similar. Almost all of my friends in SF are thin. Sometimes they simply cannot understand what I'm going through because they're not fat. This doesn't mean I'm unhappy. I'm just sharing.



Yeah, I agree with this.


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## goofy girl (Aug 10, 2009)

I can understand Supero's view. It does seem like lately there have been more and more negative threads, but I also don't think that people are getting off on it. I do think that a lot of people have the whole "I need attention even if it's negative attention" thing, which can be frustrating, but if people feel that way they feel that way for a reason.


I know for me I worked SO hard to get into as good as a place as I am, which isn't even CLOSE to where I want to be, but a lot further than I was in years past- that it pains me to read about my friends going through such sad emotions and times, and in many of these instances I want to hit them over the head with a frying pan until they realize that negative attracts negative and nothing will change until you learn to change things for yourself. I was very "woe is I" for a loooong time, and when I look back on those times I'm embarrassed for myself, but also know that at that time it's the only thing I knew how to do and I can't apologize for it. And I realize now how frustrating it must have been for my friends that for YEARS were constantly giving me positive reinforcements, an shoulder to cry on, compliments up the wazoo....and it never made me feel any better. I'm sure it was exhausting for them. Feeling miserable was the only way I knew how to feel for about 15 years of my life. I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't think this thread is so much putting down anyone that isn't sunshine and rainbows all the time, but an expression of how much it hurts to see people feeling like crap so often.

That being said, I also think that often people - including myself - come here to share things good and bad because this is one of the only places we CAN come to with it. I know a lot of people "in real life", but I also feel a lot closer to and more understood by Dims people that I have never even met. To me, this is more than just an outlet to meet fat people and admirers, it's a community of friends regardless of shape, size, gender, sexuality. I think that's why people feel like they can speak so freely here and hope to not be judged.


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## superodalisque (Aug 10, 2009)

goofy girl said:


> I can understand Supero's view. It does seem like lately there have been more and more negative threads, but I also don't think that people are getting off on it. I do think that a lot of people have the whole "I need attention even if it's negative attention" thing, which can be frustrating, but if people feel that way they feel that way for a reason.
> 
> 
> I know for me I worked SO hard to get into as good as a place as I am, which isn't even CLOSE to where I want to be, but a lot further than I was in years past- that it pains me to read about my friends going through such sad emotions and times, and in many of these instances I want to hit them over the head with a frying pan until they realize that negative attracts negative and nothing will change until you learn to change things for yourself. I was very "woe is I" for a loooong time, and when I look back on those times I'm embarrassed for myself, but also know that at that time it's the only thing I knew how to do and I can't apologize for it. And I realize now how frustrating it must have been for my friends that for YEARS were constantly giving me positive reinforcements, an shoulder to cry on, compliments up the wazoo....and it never made me feel any better. I'm sure it was exhausting for them. Feeling miserable was the only way I knew how to feel for about 15 years of my life. I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't think this thread is so much putting down anyone that isn't sunshine and rainbows all the time, but an expression of how much it hurts to see people feeling like crap so often.
> ...



thank you you said it much better than i ever could--and great insight too. i know what i written so far can sound bad but i really am worried.


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## superodalisque (Aug 10, 2009)

moore2me said:


> *SuperD,
> 
> I have said this before in these forums that adults in the the US are way too concerned about being "happy" or having fun. Most people in the world find this concept entirely strange and unachievable. Sure kids have fun and are happy at play, but most adults go about a serious business of work and keeping the family fed, clothed, alive, educated, and together.
> .*



yep thats really an excellent point. i think americans in particular think they are sort of owed it to be happy. we think we should just wake up and be happy and not to have to work for it. we get angry when it doesn't happen that way. when i went to africa for the first time many years ago it changed my life. those people don't dwell on just having happiness. instead of that they try to find a way to make moments of happiness. they can smile at and get joy out of the small things. they laugh more readily than americans. they can find the humour in anything. it amazed me that when people were hungry uneducated and living in harsh conditions they still seemed infinitely happier than most americans. they really taught me a lot about what it takes to enjoy life. they expect that it takes work to live. that includes work to be liked, to have friends and even laugh. they don't just wait around for it to happen. its work like anything else. and the work it takes may not be something you always feel like doing but it has its rewards just like any other work.

PS: i hear you about wnting to be able to be accommodated. maybe we need to push more to get that as part of overall accommodation of people. i don't run into those kinds of problems so much here in the south but it seems to be more of a problem elsewhere. i think people were pretty comfy at the dims bash in florida and i think its no accident. from what i have heard the people who went to the theme parks there had a relatively great experience too. i feel there are huge differences regionally. maybe we can find some way to get together to pressure businesses in places where that isn't happening.


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## collared Princess (Aug 10, 2009)

once again Super O your assement...lol funny huh is right!!!


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## superodalisque (Aug 10, 2009)

orin said:


> .... sorry ... was distracted by posters profile ... man she is so pretty ...
> 
> but i think its important to be real about any situation ... if there are some aspects to being bigger that does cause some anguish i think its important to share that also .... along with the good stuff about being bigger also ofcourse



thank you for the compliment.

i agree about sharing both. but what if its more negative than positive. i'm not sure that it actually is but i just get that feeling overall.


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## Santaclear (Aug 10, 2009)

kayrae said:


> I think this thread title is quite off-putting. If someone's unhappy, why would you think they're "getting off" on their misery? When I write about my negative experiences or my unhappiness on the forums, it's because I'm looking for another kindred spirit who might have gone through something similar. Almost all of my friends in SF are thin. Sometimes they simply cannot understand what I'm going through because they're not fat. This doesn't mean I'm unhappy. I'm just sharing.



I _did_ get off while reading this thread. Thanks, everyone. :blush:


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## superodalisque (Aug 10, 2009)

kayrae said:


> I think this thread title is quite off-putting. If someone's unhappy, why would you think they're "getting off" on their misery? .


 
because everything someone does has a payoff for them whether its recognized consciously or not. thats why they do it.

i'm not talking about sharing something difficult and working together to solve it or thinking about it and being supportive. thats all positive stuff. nothing at all wrong with that. but, there is a lot of unconstructive stuff like abuse, jealousy, ridicule, lots of negative criticism of other people, and judging them with no real info and automatically jumping to bad conclusions thats being driven by self pity--in my personal opinion. you can add shame guilt and any other circles of hell to that that apply. those things have nothing to do with sharing. it's when people turn some natural and normal amount of self pity into misery and make sure that when they are miserable other people are as well that there is a problem-and the focus is ALWAYS on that. using other people as whipping posts just because someone feels bad is not kosher no matter what.

also being in stark opposition to anything positive seems to be a trend. if its okay to share bad things why is it so inappropriate to share good things here in general. people are much more likely to get attacked or being called a fake for having a positive attitude than a negative one. what if someone IS actually a glass half full type. where is the place for them here?


people still seem to focus on BBWs re: this but its an FA problem too.


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## ashmamma84 (Aug 10, 2009)

I think people in general spend too much time wallowing. It's not just a BBW or FA specific problem. Felecia, I experience a very similar thing when I am overseas as well. People who have far, far less than the average American are still happy. So, I really think it's a relative thing; it depends on the particular person. Hell, just a couple weeks ago I met a guy living in a mountain village who was so generous and beaming with life. He opened up his home to me and we shared a great meal; although he didn't have much materially, he was rich in spirit. Sadly, I think alot of Americans/Westerners miss the mark on things like that. We focus so much on what is wrong alot of times that we can't see how things would actually get better.

I guess in my personal life I don't really have time to wallow; and yes, I've coped with depression for years. But at the end of the day, I know it doesn't have much of an effect on whether I am living my best life because I am being proactive about my situation. Excercising, therapy, etc have all helped tremendously; I'm not saying people need to do exactly that, I'm just saying do what works for you. Sure, I know what its like to be mired down and sad and crying all the time; but I also know how powerful (but truly scared!) I felt walking into my first counseling session. I have had to do the hard work on my own - I opened myself up to heal and recieve things and I'm not looking back. No one else is responsible for my happiness or well being, but me. I am not a damsel in distress and my family shouldn't have to play Captain Save-A-YouKnowWhat. 

I know alot of unfortunate things happen to everyone, but it's not so much those things as much as it is how we deal with them that really matter. My Mother always told me life is not about comfort zones; its about character development; so I wonder have we gotten too comfortable with being unhappy? Have we just thrown our hands up in hopelessness?


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## SocialbFly (Aug 10, 2009)

ashmamma84 said:


> I think people in general spend too much time wallowing. It's not just a BBW or FA specific problem. Felecia, I experience a very similar thing when I am overseas as well. People who have far, far less than the average American are still happy. So, I really think it's a relative thing; it depends on the particular person. Hell, just a couple weeks ago I met a guy living in a mountain village who was so generous and beaming with life. ?



Ash, i liked your post, but i still think this is a more global problem than just weight and nothing else...i think the above statement is true...BUT you dont know you are missing something if you dont have it....

this past year, i have taken pay cuts, hour cuts, have a job that is unstable but at least i was hired...been sick without sick time (and not sick enough for my disability to kick in) sooooo i will absolutely say, i miss the standard of living i had even two years ago...right now, bills are coming and i am going to have to use the last of my savings to pay them...this is not said as a poor me moment...i could get a second job...i just choose to tighten my belt...but i do think this colors all of my interactions...because in the back of my mind...looms uncertainty...

i think to say this is the result of being fat is honestly silly...but does my fat make my life more difficult...hell yes...but in many ways, that i have already talked about...it makes me unique, and i like that about myself...

i think to just think the saddness or displeasure of people is strictly related to fat, size, etc...is doing all of us a disservice...i love the Felecia brings up great topics to talk about, but this is one...i just don't agree with in totality.


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## ashmamma84 (Aug 10, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> Ash, i liked your post, but i still think this is a more global problem than just weight and nothing else...i think the above statement is true...BUT you dont know you are missing something if you dont have it....
> 
> this past year, i have taken pay cuts, hour cuts, have a job that is unstable but at least i was hired...been sick without sick time (and not sick enough for my disability to kick in) sooooo i will absolutely say, i miss the standard of living i had even two years ago...right now, bills are coming and i am going to have to use the last of my savings to pay them...this is not said as a poor me moment...i could get a second job...i just choose to tighten my belt...but i do think this colors all of my interactions...because in the back of my mind...looms uncertainty...
> 
> ...



I can sympathize with your situation; alot of people are hurting because of the economy. There are things we've had to rearrange in our household to make work for us. And from what you wrote, it sounds like you are making the best out of a less than ideal situation. That's really the jist of what I was trying to convey. Life isn't always going to be a cakewalk, but we still owe it to ourselves to do the very best we can.

However, this guy I met is not ignorant...he has satellite tv and he reads so he knows how Americans live. I asked him if he had the chance would he move and his answer was no. He thinks Americans are spoiled and ungrateful...and to a large degree we are. And Di, I agree - it's not just fat people, it's spans all people. We need to get down to the heart of the matter; what's really important in this life. I say that as a woman who loves retail therapy, too. It can't cure a broken heart or spirit, that I know for sure.


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## Donna (Aug 10, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> because everything someone does has a payoff for them whether its recognized consciously or not. thats why they do it.
> 
> i'm not talking about sharing something difficult and working together to solve it or thinking about it and being supportive. thats all positive stuff. nothing at all wrong with that. but, there is a lot of unconstructive stuff like abuse, jealousy, ridicule, _*lots of negative criticism of other people, and judging them with no real info and automatically jumping to bad conclusions *_thats being driven by self pity--in my personal opinion. you can add shame guilt and any other circles of hell to that that apply. those things have nothing to do with sharing. it's when people turn some natural and normal amount of self pity into misery and make sure that when they are miserable other people are as well that there is a problem-and the focus is ALWAYS on that. using other people as whipping posts just because you feel bad is not kosher no matter what.
> *snip*



But, aren't you engaging in the same judgmental behavior of others that you are criticizing against in the bolded statement above? I'm not asking to challenge, but as someone who is really trying to understand what it is you are trying to communicate here. As someone who tends to over-analyze things, I find it easier to recognize that in others. Why are you analyzing the way people here at Dimensions interact with each other? (Again, asked not to challenge but to try and understand.)


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## SocialbFly (Aug 10, 2009)

ashmamma84 said:


> I can sympathize with your situation; alot of people are hurting because of the economy. There are things we've had to rearrange in our household to make work for us. And from what you wrote, it sounds like you are making the best out of a less than ideal situation. That's really the jist of what I was trying to convey. Life isn't always going to be a cakewalk, but we still owe it to ourselves to do the very best we can.
> 
> However, this guy I met is not ignorant...he has satellite tv and he reads so he knows how Americans live. I asked him if he had the chance would he move and his answer was no. He thinks Americans are spoiled and ungrateful...and to a large degree we are. And Di, I agree - it's not just fat people, it's spans all people. We need to get down to the heart of the matter; what's really important in this life. I say that as a woman who loves retail therapy, too. It can't cure a broken heart or spirit, that I know for sure.



i agree, my nieces have no concept of what it is to do without...i think each age of adult expects more for less work..we have a lot to learn, but it is not only americans...it is all of us that have come to expect that this is the life we deserve...no one gets it for free, it must be earned...in blood sweat and tears, just some dont see the value in it and choose not to do it and some just plain think it is dumb to want crap like this anyway...i think about all the stuff i have in storage in st louis and i am living without it with no problem....so why do i have all that crap anyway????

when i was younger it was my perception of self...i thought it showed who i was...we both know that isnt true...but age and a level of maturity (which we know can be aquired at any age) showed me the error of my ways...it still goes to say though...if i never had it, would i miss it?


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## ashmamma84 (Aug 10, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> i agree, my nieces have no concept of what it is to do without...i think each age of adult expects more for less work..we have a lot to learn, but it is not only americans...it is all of us that have come to expect that this is the life we deserve...no one gets it for free, it must be earned...in blood sweat and tears, just some dont see the value in it and choose not to do it and some just plain think it is dumb to want crap like this anyway...i think about all the stuff i have in storage in st louis and i am living without it with no problem....so why do i have all that crap anyway????
> 
> when i was younger it was my perception of self...i thought it showed who i was...we both know that isnt true...but age and a level of maturity (which we know can be aquired at any age) showed me the error of my ways...it still goes to say though...if i never had it, would i miss it?



Yes, Di. I was once like your nieces. I grew up without ever having a need or want. I was spoiled and to a degree I still am, but I know that to whom much is given much is required. I work damn hard, I've always excelled academically, etc. I also know things aren't just going to be served on a silver platter to me (though I do like the role play  ) For everything there is a cost -- and learning that lesson was painful. When I was about 18 I applied for a credit card right after going away to college and ran up a bunch of debt. I called my parents crying about it because I wasn't able to buy groceries or books or something more important than the shoes and clothes I'd purchased with my Visa. (And truthfully, I really couldn't enjoy my purchases like I wanted to because I knew I really didn't work for them.) They told me very sternly and lovingly that they would help me pay it off and after my balance was zero it was to stay that way. Well, I didn't listen and ran the bill up again; this time my parents told me flat out it wasn't their problem. If I wanted a zero balance again, I'd have to get a job and make my monthly payments on time like anyone else. It was a learning lesson - I wanted all the benefits but none of the sacrifice and work it takes to be an adult.

And nope, I would have never missed those frivolous purchases they were never bought.

Anyway, I know it might veer off topic but...just wanted to share.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 10, 2009)

yes, Ash, we all learn, and sometimes the best lessons learned are those that are the hardest on us...thank you for sharing....hugs...(will i ever get to meet you and Babe??)


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## superodalisque (Aug 10, 2009)

Donna said:


> But, aren't you engaging in the same judgmental behavior of others that you are criticizing against in the bolded statement above? I'm not asking to challenge, but as someone who is really trying to understand what it is you are trying to communicate here. As someone who tends to over-analyze things, I find it easier to recognize that in others. Why are you analyzing the way people here at Dimensions interact with each other? (Again, asked not to challenge but to try and understand.)



i'm not trying to be judgemental. its really not my intention to say that someone is a bad person for feeling the way that they do. i know it all has to do with where people are at a given moment in time. i'm just trying to work some things out in my own mind. i'm not trying to call anybody out or ridicule anyone. all i'm saying is that this is the impression i've had and it worries me. there is just so much anger and sadness sometimes and there seems to be no respite for it. there were times when you could come here and read a very good thread with lots of people giving thier opinions with it not degenerating into some kind of virtual wrestling bout. those instances are getting smaller and smaller. so much so that a lot of people that i know who like to be playful (without using someone else as the scapegoat for that) and positive or learn something have gone elsewhere. or they seldom come anymore at all. 

i'm not sure that the negativity is something that should be encouraged or supported even though overcoming challenges should. it might be good to try something new or do something different. i know its people's tendancy in the US to see the worst but maybe thats why so many of us are in such bad shape in the first place. maybe its why we need so many antidepressants etc... maybe we need to learn how to be more positive. 

i just don't understand why there is such an oppositon to it. especially when no one is saying that no one should share challenges or solutions. just that we should watch wallowing in it too much on every board and thread so that we end up maybe making ourselves depressed. being mean to a depressed person or someone going through challenges definitely doesn't help them either. it could send them over the edge--you never know. and when its done its too late to fix it afterwards. maybe making them laugh or smile every once in a while anyway might be better for them and everyone else too.

i know this place isn't any different from the rest of the web, but is that really an answer? i like to think that dims is special and that people can do a bit better anyway. couldn't we at least try a little harder to make an effort to have a bit more enjoyment than we do right now--and not at the expense of other people?

some people have mentioned reality here. reality is very important. but whose reality are you talking about? and doesn't everyone create thier reality to a certain extent? or maybe they could, at least somewhat, if they felt they had the power to. but i'm not sure that acting as though things can't change or get better make people feel very powerful. sometimes when people talk about "keeping it real" it makes me think of ghettoizaton. people who are hopeless and don't want to change or don't think positive changes can occur seem to use that phrase a lot. i just wouldn't want this place to become a big fat ghetto. i'm not sure things always have to be bad.

i want to say i understand everyone's opinion who has posted whether i agree or not. i know its coming from an honest place and thats what matters most.


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## TallFatSue (Aug 10, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> also being in stark opposition to anything positive seems to be a trend. if its okay to share bad things why is it so inappropriate to share good things here in general. people are much more likely to get attacked or being called a fake for having a positive attitude than a negative one. what if someone IS actually a glass half full type. where is the place for them here?


This is a most curious situation. I'm a definitely a "glass half-full" kinda gal, and even a "cup runneth over" kinda gal. It still bewilders me that a few months ago I was ruthlessly ridiculed for sharing some extremely good events. I was called a fake and worse, and it bewilders me still more that certain people I thought were friendly toward me piled it on too: "If you're a fake, you're a very consistent one." Well, it's easy to be consistent if you're telling the truth, ya know.  No doubt I carried on like a first-class star-struck buffoon, so I deserved the ridicule, but I've learned my lesson. Suzy Snicket's _A Series of Fortunate Events_ are still going on in a big way, albeit off this board (I've been verrrry tempted to write about a platinum wedding Art & I attended last month). 

How's this for irony? I'm actually grousing about something! So, ze wise-ass Pollyanna has her Achilles' heel too! :doh:



ashmamma84 said:


> When I was about 18 I applied for a credit card right after going away to college and ran up a bunch of debt. I called my parents crying about it because I wasn't able to buy groceries or books or something more important than the shoes and clothes I'd purchased with my Visa. (And truthfully, I really couldn't enjoy my purchases like I wanted to because I knew I really didn't work for them.) They told me very sternly and lovingly that they would help me pay it off and after my balance was zero it was to stay that way. Well, I didn't listen and ran the bill up again; this time my parents told me flat out it wasn't their problem. If I wanted a zero balance again, I'd have to get a job and make my monthly payments on time like anyone else. It was a learning lesson - I wanted all the benefits but none of the sacrifice and work it takes to be an adult.


Well done. There's much to be said about personal responsibility, but some people never learn. I know all too many friends, relatives and coworkers who overextend themselves simply because they feel entitled. I kid you not, but I remember someone complaining in disbelief about how he went deep into debt buying Christmas gifts from Hickory Farms, "because the credit terms were so easy." One TV commercial a few years ago showed a someone questioning a coworker about how he could afford so many nice things. The coworker showed his fancy new credit card, and that was that -- omitting, of course, that it's not how he could afford it at all, but simply how he went into debt for it. Another commercial featured a seemingly well-off family in a big fancy house in a ritzy neighborhood. The father showed off his lawn, his new car, his swimming pool and his country club membership. Then he smiled wide and says, "How do I do it? I'm in debt up to my eyeballs. I can barely pay my finance charges. Somebody help me."

One benefit my fat has given me is it helps me make informed decisions. Let's face it, as very round pegs trying to fit into small square holes, we need to make difficult decisions every day. Come to think of it, one of the worst pieces of advice my mother ever gave me was paradoxically also one of the best. When I was in high school she kept harping that "you're wayyyy too fat ever to find a good husband, so you'd better get good grades and have a good career." I didn't entirely believe her, but just to be on the safe side I did apply myself in college and majored in a field that would be in demand. I've faced weight discrimination over the decades, but I've also managed to ride out the roller-coaster economic cycles too. Oh, and I did find a good husband anyway. It was fun on our wedding to watch my mother beam with pride while trying not to admit she was just plain wrong about that part. 

All things being equal, I probably would be better off if I lost a few hundred pounds. But things are rarely equal, and the sacrifices in order to be thin simply aren't worth it. Nor am I about to let someone cut into me unless it's absolutely. I can starve myself for the rest of my days to be thin, or I can lead a rich happy productive life as a fat woman. I cannot possibly do both. 



SocialbFly said:


> LEARN to ACCEPT without GUILT what is given in LOVE to you. RV


Great quote! Every day I thank goodness for my many blessings


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## superodalisque (Aug 10, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> This is a most curious situation. I'm a definitely a "glass half-full" kinda gal, and even a "cup runneth over" kinda gal. It still bewilders me that a few months ago I was ruthlessly ridiculed for sharing some extremely good events. I was called a fake and worse, and it bewilders me still more that certain people I thought were friendly toward me piled it on too: "If you're a fake, you're a very consistent one." Well, it's easy to be consistent if you're telling the truth, ya know.



yes people here are skeptical and sometimes for good reason. you should show up at something some time, even if its just lunch, and that would clear everything right up. people just want to be sure they are sharing with a real person. there have been a lot of fakes here so folks are skittish.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 10, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> yes people here are skeptical and sometimes for good reason. you should show up at something some time, even if its just lunch, and that would clear everything right up. people just want to be sure they are sharing with a real person. there have been a lot of fakes here so folks are skittish.



yeah, it does make it hard, i know tallfatsue, many people are hesitant to put info on the internet, but many of us like to put a name with a face, or vice versa...you ought to post a pic of you and Art sometime....

and the comment was from RedVelvet, and it is sometimes hard to remember it, so i put it on as my signage 


:bow::bow::bow::bow::bow::bow::bow::bow:


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## bigsexy920 (Aug 11, 2009)

That seems like a list an FA would make - in fact I thought it was till i looked more closely but hey I think you are an FA you seem to really love the fat.


all those things are good but its not all happy times in fatville (-----oooo another facebook game maybe) 



TallFatSue said:


> Not to diminish the many difficulties we all face as fat people, there are are some aspects I really truly enjoy about my size.
> 
> I. Fat and its Fringe Benefits
> 1. Fat makes me look 10 years younger.
> ...


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## sweet&fat (Aug 11, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> This is a most curious situation. I'm a definitely a "glass half-full" kinda gal, and even a "cup runneth over" kinda gal. It still bewilders me that a few months ago I was ruthlessly ridiculed for sharing some extremely good events. I was called a fake and worse, and it bewilders me still more that certain people I thought were friendly toward me piled it on too: "If you're a fake, you're a very consistent one." Well, it's easy to be consistent if you're telling the truth, ya know.  No doubt I carried on like a first-class star-struck buffoon, so I deserved the ridicule, but I've learned my lesson. Suzy Snicket's _A Series of Fortunate Events_ are still going on in a big way, albeit off this board (I've been verrrry tempted to write about a platinum wedding Art & I attended last month).
> 
> How's this for irony? I'm actually grousing about something! So, ze wise-ass Pollyanna has her Achilles' heel too! :doh:



I'd echo the other posters and say that this is less a personal issue (as you seem to think it is) than a general wariness of internet fakes, etc. I think SO's idea of posting a pic of you and Art is a great idea! We'd finally get to see the happy couple!


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## butch (Aug 11, 2009)

Hmm, I've never posted my face on Dims, so is that some prerequisite for being accepted at Dims? I get that so many of you bristle at the idea that we all aren't who we say we are, but as far as I'm concerned, if as long as you're not out to hurt people intentionally by making claims about an online persona that has implications in someone else's real world, then you don't have to prove who you are with pictures and such.

If you feel you're owed a picture of anyone, please PM them with your request. Since I'm not a mod of this board, this isn't some official Dims pronouncement, but seems only fair, because the baldness of these requests could be construed as really hurtful to the person(s) asked to pony up photographic proof.

I sure as hell would be hurt and angry if people made demands to see my ugly mug in order to accept any validity in the words I post here.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 11, 2009)

butch said:


> Hmm, I've never posted my face on Dims, so is that some prerequisite for being accepted at Dims? I get that so many of you bristle at the idea that we all aren't who we say we are, but as far as I'm concerned, if as long as you're not out to hurt people intentionally by making claims about an online persona that has implications in someone else's real world, then you don't have to prove who you are with pictures and such.
> 
> If you feel you're owed a picture of anyone, please PM them with your request. Since I'm not a mod of this board, this isn't some official Dims pronouncement, but seems only fair, because the baldness of these requests could be construed as really hurtful to the person(s) asked to pony up photographic proof.
> 
> I sure as hell would be hurt and angry if people made demands to see my ugly mug in order to accept any validity in the words I post here.



first of all, you are not ugly...sigh....


second of all, it wasnt really a request per se...i was stating that many of us like to put a face with a name...i liked seeing your face, now when i see your posts, i think of your face, but that is how i relate, i am not a name person, i am a face person...

no mal intent suggested...or desired.


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## butch (Aug 11, 2009)

I agree, faces are nice, and I guess I reacted because there seemed to be the beginning of a chorus of requests, and that felt less nice, somehow, like a dog pile of some kind. Sorry if I cast aspersions on your post, SBFly.

Aww, sometimes my self-deprecation does not come off well on the nets. My ugly mug is cute like a bulldog, and I like it.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 11, 2009)

butch said:


> I agree, faces are nice, and I guess I reacted because there seemed to be the beginning of a chorus of requests, and that felt less nice, somehow, like a dog pile of some kind. Sorry if I cast aspersions on your post, SBFly.
> 
> Aww, sometimes my self-deprecation does not come off well on the nets. My ugly mug is cute like a bulldog, and I like it.



i know there is a lot of mistrust on the internet...and you know, i know we all can prolly tell stories...i talked to a guy who told me he was single and lived in australia for 6 months (when i first got on the internet) until i found out he was married and a liar...that whole fiasco left me with a deep seated distrust...

my comments to tallfatsue though are merely curiosity, since she and i are extremely similar in size and weight, i often wonder how her weight is distributed vs mine....just the old fat girl curiosity on my part...and of course, i love to put a face with a name as i said...

and Butch...you will be meeting me in NJ...and i just have to say, before i get there 
I think you are quite a pretty woman...if not self blind


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## butch (Aug 11, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> i know there is a lot of mistrust on the internet...and you know, i know we all can prolly tell stories...i talked to a guy who told me he was single and lived in australia for 6 months (when i first got on the internet) until i found out he was married and a liar...that whole fiasco left me with a deep seated distrust...
> 
> my comments to tallfatsue though are merely curiosity, since she and i are extremely similar in size and weight, i often wonder how her weight is distributed vs mine....just the old fat girl curiosity on my part...and of course, i love to put a face with a name as i said...
> 
> ...



Ok, I'm blushing now. :blush: (see, if the smiley is there, it must be true).

I get handsome and cute, boyish and such, but never pretty. How nice is that? I'm gonna be humming something from "West Side Story" all day. Aw shucks, thanks, you. :happy:


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## mergirl (Aug 11, 2009)

butch said:


> Hmm, I've never posted my face on Dims, so is that some prerequisite for being accepted at Dims? QUOTE]
> Yeah but i've seen your face on facebook you georgous thaang you!:happy:


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## TallFatSue (Aug 11, 2009)

bigsexy920 said:


> That seems like a list an FA would make - in fact I thought it was till i looked more closely but hey I think you are an FA you seem to really love the fat.
> 
> all those things are good but its not all happy times in fatville (-----oooo another facebook game maybe)


No it's not all happy times in Fatville, and many others have enumerated the very same aspects I DON'T like about being fat. But it's not all doom and gloom either, and it's interesting to see myself taken to task for compiling a list about what I do enjoy. My intent was to show other fat women who probably don't like being fat that there are more than a few redeeming qualities. And I'm certainly not the only woman who enjoys being fat, although they're probably not so forward about it. Maybe I read too many Pollyanna books growing up, so I play The Glad Game too often. Or maybe I've had too many nosy relatives telling me reason after reason why I should lose weight, so I've come up with an arsenal of reasons why I'm fine as I am, thank you very much.  I'm a happily married woman with no absolutely interest in screwing anyone, and yes indeedy I do like my own fat, so if that makes me a hopelessly vain FA, I accept the title (although I prefer thin men). I also happen to love being tall, and I could list reasons I enjoy being tall too (e.g. long arms, reach top shelves, look over most people's heads in crowds, etc. etc.). I'm not particularly thrilled that I get the hiccups all the time (although my husband enjoys the extra jiggles  :smitten: ), but 2 out of 3 ain't bad. 

Of course if anyone would prefer me to get lost, or feels uncomfortable with me here, just say the word and I'll vamoose. I muddled through life just fine as a fat girl and a very fat woman for decades before the internet came along, and even though I enjoy being on Dimensions, I can manage without it. This isn't the only internet forum I infest either. Sometimes I've put my foot in my mouth on travel web sites too (such as the time I joked about certain people on cruise ships who run to the nearest McDonald's in port for some "real food" -- as if we've been starving aboard ship -- wow did that create an uproar). 


butch said:


> Hmm, I've never posted my face on Dims, so is that some prerequisite for being accepted at Dims? I get that so many of you bristle at the idea that we all aren't who we say we are, but as far as I'm concerned, if as long as you're not out to hurt people intentionally by making claims about an online persona that has implications in someone else's real world, then you don't have to prove who you are with pictures and such.


Agreed. About a decade ago as an internet novice I readily posted pix of myself to anyone who asked, only to find some of them turn up on a joke web site with a cattle brand on my ass. That will NEVER EVER happen again, especially with people like Imitation700 (?) still lurking about who regularly harvest pix for his "Very Fat Women" web site. I do regularly post full-body pix of myself on my profile if anyone is interested, and I try to rotate them regularly. And I do show my face, although not large enough for any jokester to embarrass me again. That photo of myself walking on the volcano on the Big Island of Hawaii a few years ago is my personal favorite, so I keep coming back to it.


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## Tau (Aug 11, 2009)

I've found, in my time here, that there is actually not as much self pity as i had expected. I love being a fat girl but I've never met another fat woman in real life who loves her fat body - and I am surrounded by A LOT of fat woman. Because of that real life experience when I joined Dims I wasn't expecting hundreds of gleeful fatties and have often been pleasantly surprised by how many woman on here can proudly say that they enjoy their bodies, have amazing and fulfilling lives and wouldn't change if they were ever given the option. I think a sort of hurtful reality I've come to face is that most fat people do not see beauty in themselves or in me, and if given a choice, most fat people would choose to be thin. That said I think its important that a place like Dims exists where hurtful, as well as joyful, experiences can be shared and those people who do not love and enjoy their fat bodies can maybe come to an understanding and appreciation of them.


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## collared Princess (Aug 11, 2009)

Super O I know what you are saying..I find myself thinking negitive alot when I come here..it seems alot of people dont like themselves being fat and it shows in there threads..also it seems as though people who do seem very comfortable in there fat skin get attackted quickly here..just that statement alone will spark of controversy..so it will prove my point..those of us who are happy and well adjusted wouldnt take offense to a statment like that..I tottally get where you are comming from yeah Super O see you in Oct?


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## LoveBHMS (Aug 11, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> I always send back food if it isn't cooked right or something. I did that last night actually. My chicken was pink.. as in not fully cooked. I came for a meal, I want a meal. End of story.



Not to dereail this thread, but I can tell you that waiters don't care if you send something back. We really don't. We are not the ones who cook the food but we are the ones who get the short end of it if you're not satisfied, so we'd MUCH rather you bring it to our attention so it can be fixed.

It's ridiculously frustrating and annoying to go clear a table and be told "Oh, my food was not how I ordered it but I ate it anyway." or "I never got my side order of bernaise sauce with my salmon, but that's ok....." I'm always like "Why did you just not say something???"

And no, the kitchen staff does not jerk off in your food if you send it back. That is a myth.


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## butch (Aug 11, 2009)

mergirl said:


> butch said:
> 
> 
> > Hmm, I've never posted my face on Dims, so is that some prerequisite for being accepted at Dims? QUOTE]
> ...


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## LoveBHMS (Aug 11, 2009)

sweet&fat said:


> I'd echo the other posters and say that this is less a personal issue (as you seem to think it is) than a general wariness of internet fakes, etc. I think SO's idea of posting a pic of you and Art is a great idea! We'd finally get to see the happy couple!



agreed totally!

Why not post a picture that is taken from a distance or even with the faces blocked out? We all understand wanting to protect privacy but also would love to see the famous "Art".


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 11, 2009)

collared Princess said:


> Super O I know what you are saying..I find myself thinking negitive alot when I come here..it seems alot of people dont like themselves being fat and it shows in there threads..




Well I dont know, I'm trying to remember, when I signed up for Dims I don't recall there being anything in the rules that said you must be happy to be fat in order to post here. 

If we (fat women) are supposed to accept the fact that FAs come here at different stages in their journey, and post all the garbage about how they are uncomfortable letting their family and friends know that they like fat women, why can people not accept that fat women come here at different stages in their journey too?


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## Teresa (Aug 11, 2009)

Miss Vickie said:


> I just don't want people to feel bad for... feeling bad. And for expressing themselves, needing support, etc. That's all.



I agree with you. No one should feel bad for expressing themselves if they aren't all up and happy about being fat or the things they face because of their fat. However, I also believe that no one should be made to feel bad for expressing positive feelings about their fat, their bodies or their great attitude. Someone not expressing their happiness and good feelings isn't going to make someone that is depressed or feeling bad feel better and even if it makes them feel a little worse, the person who is positive shouldn't be made to feel they can't express themselves. Just as it would be wrong for someone who feels good to want those who don't feel good to stop talking about the hard times they're having.

I believe it's good for us in the fat community to see both sides of the issue. How else will we get a realistic view of fat people?

Teresa


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Aug 11, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> Not to diminish the many difficulties we all face as fat people, there are are some aspects I really truly enjoy about my size.
> 
> I. Fat and its Fringe Benefits
> 1. Fat makes me look 10 years younger.
> ...




You must spread some reputation around before giving it to TallFatSue again.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 11, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Not to dereail this thread, but I can tell you that waiters don't care if you send something back. We really don't. We are not the ones who cook the food but we are the ones who get the short end of it if you're not satisfied, so we'd MUCH rather you bring it to our attention so it can be fixed.
> 
> It's ridiculously frustrating and annoying to go clear a table and be told "Oh, my food was not how I ordered it but I ate it anyway." or "I never got my side order of bernaise sauce with my salmon, but that's ok....." I'm always like "Why did you just not say something???"
> 
> And no, the kitchen staff does not jerk off in your food if you send it back. That is a myth.



I'm very glad to hear about that because I do genuinely worry that if I send something back someones gonna spit in my food!


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 11, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> I'm very glad to hear about that because I do genuinely worry that if I send something back someones gonna spit in my food!



I believe (hope) that this is a really uncommon practice, but it's hardly unheard of, nor is it myth. There have been many instances of cooks being rather publicly fired and even prosecuted after details leaked of food tampering. Some, with video 

I don't have a problem with sending food back either. Just, like Sue, I'm extremely nice about it. Extra nice. With a side of really, really extra nice


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 11, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> I believe (hope) that this is a really uncommon practice, but it's hardly unheard of, nor is it myth. There have been many instances of cooks being rather publicly fired and even prosecuted after details leaked of food tampering. Some, with video
> 
> I don't have a problem with sending food back either. Just, like Sue, I'm extremely nice about it. Extra nice. With a side of really, really extra nice



Yeah, I always send it back anyway if I'm not satisifed but it does worry me. When I worked at Tim Hortons I remember watching someone lick a piece of bread thoroughly before putting a sandwich together because the lady was being a bitch. I was like GOD I HOPE THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 11, 2009)

Teresa said:


> I agree with you. No one should feel bad for expressing themselves if they aren't all up and happy about being fat or the things they face because of their fat. However, I also believe that no one should be made to feel bad for expressing positive feelings about their fat, their bodies or their great attitude. Someone not expressing their happiness and good feelings isn't going to make someone that is depressed or feeling bad feel better and even if it makes them feel a little worse, the person who is positive shouldn't be made to feel they can't express themselves. Just as it would be wrong for someone who feels good to want those who don't feel good to stop talking about the hard times they're having.
> 
> I believe it's good for us in the fat community to see both sides of the issue. How else will we get a realistic view of fat people?
> 
> Teresa



I totally agree. 

The notion that people should only have happy, positive, rejoicing things to say about being fat....is the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard...truly.

It's NOT always fun...or easy...or desired.....sometimes it really is hard, period.

If I honest to god thought that all I was "allowed" to say here is YAY! I love being fat! every time I logged on, I wouldn't bother coming back. Seriously.....because that reeks of controlled, mind-washing bullshit and only idiots would care to.....or even be able to..... participate in something that unrealistic.

Do I think sometimes people should just let some things go here? Yes...but then again, it's not my place to control/police other people's thoughts and feelings...they are allowed....and even entitled to feel and think what they do. 

Real intelligence, real feelings, real experiences, real people....it's all important to moving on and ahead. 

EVERYONE deserves the reality of it- because if you keep it real as in you share the pain....then that makes the happier side all that much sweeter, doesn't it?


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## superodalisque (Aug 11, 2009)

i'm going to reiterate it once again here:


no one is saying anyone should feel bad about expressing it when they have problems.

the issue i have is why aren't there more expressions of things other than problems, anger, distress and just downright meaness and scapegoating. where is fun and happiness? instances seem few and far between. and when someone tries its often ruined by petty bickering and criticism that has nothing to do with the sharing and caring part and usually nothing to do with the subject.

respectfully, i know people want to pretend like they don't understand whats being talked about here but avoidance isn't helping anyone. i'm not trying to shut anyone down but trying to maybe get people to see that there needs to be more room made here for the positive stuff. are we supposed to believe that a fat woman's experiences and thoughts are 100% negative 24/7 and thats ALL she has to talk about?


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 11, 2009)

Maybe its just a sign of the times? Lots of people are out of work, lots of people are worried about losing the jobs they have, and they just don't have it in them?





superodalisque said:


> i'm going to reiterate it once again here:
> 
> 
> no one is saying anyone should feel bad about expressing it when they have problems.
> ...


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## superodalisque (Aug 11, 2009)

fatgirlflyin said:


> Well I dont know, I'm trying to remember, when I signed up for Dims I don't recall there being anything in the rules that said you must be happy to be fat in order to post here.
> 
> If we (fat women) are supposed to accept the fact that FAs come here at different stages in their journey, and post all the garbage about how they are uncomfortable letting their family and friends know that they like fat women, why can people not accept that fat women come here at different stages in their journey too?



i agree that fat women are at different stages and planes. but thats exactly why people who are at certain stages shouldn't have to feel like someone is trying to debunk them if they are doing pretty well on the fat front. how can someone learn to get there if they don't get exposure to people who've been through the hard part and have come through the other end. and what about women who've never really felt very bad about being fat. isn't it good to know that sometimes that happens and that we don't have to accept that living a fat life means being doomed to misery? shouldn't that give some people a feeling that there is hope if times are hard? isn't it nice to know that maybe the entire world isn't down on you for being fat? or is it that people would just rather have company in thier misery?

we always complain here about all the t.v. shows and commercials that charaterize us as being crying miserable and self hating women. but what if accidentally thats the impression we are really giving? and what if a person that needs help who doesn't understand all of the sublties of this place comes here to read. what would they think about what we all really think about ourselves? i just think we need more of a balance here.


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## superodalisque (Aug 11, 2009)

fatgirlflyin said:


> Maybe its just a sign of the times? Lots of people are out of work, lots of people are worried about losing the jobs they have, and they just don't have it in them?



that is a really good point. maybe your right about that. so is there something we could do to help people with those kinds of issues to get directly at those kinds of problems instead of some kind of some kind of transferance of those issues to being fat?


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 11, 2009)

Yeah but I dont know that this place is so overrun with omg I hate being fat, or I'm miserable being fat that the positive stuff doesn't come through as well. The lounge is full of body appreciation picture threads, the weightboard is full of appreciation of fat threads, same with the fat sexuality board. 




superodalisque said:


> i agree that fat women are at different stages and planes. but thats exactly why people who are at certain stages shouldn't have to feel like someone is trying to debunk them if they are doing pretty well on the fat front. how can someone learn to get there if they don't get exposure to people who've been through the hard part and have come through the other end. and what about women who've never really felt very bad about being fat. isn't it good to know that sometimes that happens and that we don't have to accept that living a fat life means being doomed to misery? shouldn't that give some people a feeling that there is hope if times are hard? isn't it nice to know that maybe the entire world isn't down on you for being fat? or is it that people would just rather have company in thier misery?


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Aug 11, 2009)

I dunno if I'm getting off too much, but whenever I feel sorry for myself I'm about ready to explode in my pants. X3

Or did you mean a different kind of "getting off"? >_>


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## superodalisque (Aug 11, 2009)

fatgirlflyin said:


> Yeah but I dont know that this place is so overrun with omg I hate being fat, or I'm miserable being fat that the positive stuff doesn't come through as well. The lounge is full of body appreciation picture threads, the weightboard is full of appreciation of fat threads, same with the fat sexuality board.



yes, but isn't that alone kind of sad. you have to leave the main board to find it? thats the only place where we seem happy? and even those get derailed by negativity enough. but i think your right though. there is a lot of positive stuff here to be had. i'm just worried because the negativity seems to be growing. hopefully i'm wrong.


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## Donna (Aug 11, 2009)

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it."--Mary Engelbreit. And if you cannot or refuse to do either, quit judging (intent or no, you are judging. Might as well own it), quit making pronouncements...walk away and leave it alone.


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## superodalisque (Aug 11, 2009)

Donna said:


> "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it."--Mary Engelbreit. And if you cannot or refuse to do either, quit judging (intent or no, you are judging. Might as well own it), quit making pronouncements...walk away and leave it alone.



i'm trying to figure out that balance right now--about sounding judgemental. its hard. but i try not to finger point, name call and personalize because i really don't feel people who differ from me are bad folks. and thats why i'm asking opinions and playing devils advocate --to find out what they really do think and learn something but i'm not sure if running away from the issue is the right thing to do though. this is part of my change it strategy.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Aug 11, 2009)

People complain more on the internet. For a lot of people, online is the only place to vent about their issues, especially issues relevant to the subject of this forum.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 11, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i'm trying to figure out that balance right now--about sounding judgemental. its hard. but i try not to finger point, name call and personalize because i really don't feel people who differ from me are bad folks. and thats why i'm asking opinions and playing devils advocate --to find out what they really do think and learn something but i'm not sure if running away from the issue is the right thing to do though. this is part of my change it strategy.



just a thought here Super, do you think maybe because you seem sensitive to it, you see it more?? i mean, it is kind of like when someone says, i never see X..then all of a sudden all you see is X..do you think maybe you are just sensitive to it??

and second...do you think drawing attention to it may make more negativity in the long run? Just curious.


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## TallFatSue (Aug 11, 2009)

Even though I seem to enjoy life in my fat body a little, well, wayyyy too much, I honestly believe this forum is for everyone. My pro-fat statements merely reflect my own experiences. They are by no means negations of those who have different feelings, and they are neither more nor less valid than anyone else's honest opinions.

Yes I do enjoy being fat, but I also honestly appreciate and want to understand those who have a wide range of other feelings about their sizes. After all, if everybody had the exact same feelings, life would be kinda dull. _Vive la différence!_

Therefore I believe that Dimensions is for people who (multiple choice):
A. Hate being fat
B. Dislike being fat
C. Are mildly annoyed being fat
D. Tolerate being fat
E. Are neutral about being fat
F. Accept being fat
G. Are okay being fat
H. Enjoy being fat
I. Love being fat
*J. All of the above*

... and their friends, loved ones, admirers, etc.


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## Ruffie (Aug 12, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i agree that fat women are at different stages and planes. but thats exactly why people who are at certain stages shouldn't have to feel like someone is trying to debunk them if they are doing pretty well on the fat front. how can someone learn to get there if they don't get exposure to people who've been through the hard part and have come through the other end. and what about women who've never really felt very bad about being fat. isn't it good to know that sometimes that happens and that we don't have to accept that living a fat life means being doomed to misery? shouldn't that give some people a feeling that there is hope if times are hard? isn't it nice to know that maybe the entire world isn't down on you for being fat? or is it that people would just rather have company in thier misery?
> 
> we always complain here about all the t.v. shows and commercials that charaterize us as being crying miserable and self hating women. but what if accidentally thats the impression we are really giving? and what if a person that needs help who doesn't understand all of the sublties of this place comes here to read. what would they think about what we all really think about ourselves? i just think we need more of a balance here.



Sorry girl but I think its just human nature. I see it all the time in my line of work when a youth starts making positive changes in their lives and their "friends" start judging and pressuring them for doing so. In this case as I suspect is the case with many fat people a bond is formed on like experiences and even physical appearance. When you want to break through and make changes in your life many people resent the positive attitude, the changes in behavior, the physical changes and so on. People want others to be like them and have a like mindset. When someone breaks through that to find their own way it can be dis concerning to those that haven't yet made that step and they then attack that by saying it can't really be true, that people think they are better than others for their new attitude and even that their happiness is phony. 

I have adopted the philosophy that I am me take me or leave me its of no concern to me. I work hard to be the best person I can be and I will be damned if the naysayers are going to get me down for any amount of time. It is hard to see others jumping all over those that are happy and positive, but I think its our responsibility to keep on keeping on to create the balance we want to see. I come here and whine and complain just like others, but also share my joys and happiness and try to help others-ITs what we are put here to do with our lives.


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

Ruffie said:


> Sorry girl but I think its just human nature. I see it all the time in my line of work when a youth starts making positive changes in their lives and their "friends" start judging and pressuring them for doing so. In this case as I suspect is the case with many fat people a bond is formed on like experiences and even physical appearance. When you want to break through and make changes in your life many people resent the positive attitude, the changes in behavior, the physical changes and so on. People want others to be like them and have a like mindset. When someone breaks through that to find their own way it can be dis concerning to those that haven't yet made that step and they then attack that by saying it can't really be true, that people think they are better than others for their new attitude and even that their happiness is phony.
> 
> I have adopted the philosophy that I am me take me or leave me its of no concern to me. I work hard to be the best person I can be and I will be damned if the naysayers are going to get me down for any amount of time. It is hard to see others jumping all over those that are happy and positive, but I think its our responsibility to keep on keeping on to create the balance we want to see. I come here and whine and complain just like others, but also share my joys and happiness and try to help others-ITs what we are put here to do with our lives.



thank you this was really helpful to me


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## steely (Aug 12, 2009)

The only thing that I can add to this thread is, while not being overjoyed every minute about being fat, if I had the choice to be thin or fat I would still be fat. So clearly there must be something inside of me that accepts or even loves me and the fat. I feel like I've made a breakthrough. :bow:


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> just a thought here Super, do you think maybe because you seem sensitive to it, you see it more?? i mean, it is kind of like when someone says, i never see X..then all of a sudden all you see is X..do you think maybe you are just sensitive to it??
> 
> and second...do you think drawing attention to it may make more negativity in the long run? Just curious.



not really i've seen it for a long time but haven't said much. i have asked other people if they've noticed too. so i don't think i'm the only one. a lot of really great positive people have left permanently just because of this issue. so i don't think i'm totally off base. some feel the days when they could come here and get a little pumped up by good vibes so that they can take whats coming at them from the outside world are gone. 

i'm not sure exactly how bringing more attention to it could bring more negativity than is already here. talking about things openly generally help--if for nothing else than to know exactly what your dealing with. and i was thinking continuing to be quiet didn't seem to decrease it any. at least this way people can think about it and make thier own decisions. ignoring something never really seems to make it go away. seems to me its been the 1000lb gorilla in the room for quite a while. its beginning to stink a lil and maybe its time to open some windows and doors and air it out. and if people would rather smell the gorilla than deal with it its good to know that too.


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

steely said:


> The only thing that I can add to this thread is, while not being overjoyed every minute about being fat, if I had the choice to be thin or fat I would still be fat. So clearly there must be something inside of me that accepts or even loves me and the fat. I feel like I've made a breakthrough. :bow:



thank you this made me smile this afernoon its really nice to hear.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 12, 2009)

Felecia....I have to wonder if we actually are talking about the same things here. 

Could you please give some examples (without naming names) of exactly what it is that is bothering you? Some things here bother me on occasion....but sometimes I just toss it out the window because things here are a mixed bag. Personally, I think all the variety is good and is one of the key things that make this site interesting....right along with the commonalities.


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## mergirl (Aug 12, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> thank you this made me smile this afernoon its really nice to hear.


It made me smile too!


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Felecia....I have to wonder if we actually are talking about the same things here.
> 
> Could you please give some examples (without naming names) of exactly what it is that is bothering you? Some things here bother me on occasion....but sometimes I just toss it out the window because things here are a mixed bag. Personally, I think all the variety is good and is one of the key things that make this site interesting....right along with the commonalities.



basically unnecessary cruelty towards other people-- ridiculing people, naming, jumping to the worst conclusion possible about people, assuming that people who are doing ok are either fake or some kind of fraud, not giving anyone the benefit of the doubt, dehumanizing and demonizing other people just because they have different interests and mindsets, always looking for the bad and dwelling on that, scapegoating etc... things like that basically. i'm sure there are others. i know its happens and its part of human nature. but dims is different because its the home of a whole lot of people who've been damaged by that kind of treatment over being fat. we have people here who are still suffering from the nasty unfeeling words people aimed at them when they were young. and they come here and here it is yet again by another group of people who have somehow made themselves feel justified in doing it too even when they also know what abuse feels like. we of all people should really understand what being treated like "the other", by people who never really made an effort to truly know us, instead of a person looks like on the other side. i've seen a lot of low blows lately and it really bother's me. attacking and making fun of mentally and physically disabled people etc...along with many other things. i don't know how that could be considered normal or even helpful to anybody. to me it just seems plain old abusive. and whats odd about it is that its all done in the guise of SA which is even weirder. 

the over all feeling i get is that since people might be feeling bad at a particular moment due to all of the legitimate challenges they have in their life they feel they have a right to take it out on other people. its this big badge they wear thats like an abuse pass. i'm not sure that just being fat or having other challenges in your life gives a pesron a right to be that heartless--even if it is common practice on the net. its common practice to ridicule fat people too--especially when the person feels bad about something going on with them. thats not right either. but whats shocking to me is that people don't seem to see the connection between what they are doing to other people and what the "avergage" sized world is doing to them. why are we even bothering asking the world to be better if we aren't willing to be a part of that better world? these are real and complicated people at the other ends of these keys. they have real feelings. this is not a video game. i don't think dims will become boring just because people might try to stop virtually destroying each other. i'm not trying to police anybody. i'm just asking people to think a little bit more before they type. how would i feel if...?


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## wrestlingguy (Aug 12, 2009)

> originally posted by *Superodaliesque*
> 
> basically unnecessary cruelty towards other people-- ridiculing people, naming, jumping to the worst conclusion possible about people, assuming that people who are doing ok are either fake or some kind of fraud, not giving anyone the benefit of the doubt, dehumanizing and demonizing other people just because they have different interests and mindsets, always looking for the bad and dwelling on that, scapegoating etc... things like that basically. i'm sure there are others. i know its happens and its part of human nature. but dims is different because its the home of a whole lot of people who've been damaged by that kind of treatment over being fat. we have people here who are still suffering from the nasty unfeeling words people aimed at them when they were young. and they come here and here it is yet again by another group of people who have somehow made themselves feel justified in doing it too even when they also know what abuse feels like. we of all people should really understand what being treated like "the other", by people who never really made an effort to truly know us, instead of a person looks like on the other side. i've seen a lot of low blows lately and it really bother's me. attacking and making fun of mentally and physically disabled people etc...along with many other things. i don't know how that could be considered normal or even helpful to anybody. to me it just seems plain old abusive. and whats odd about it is that its all done in the guise of SA which is even weirder.



Felicia, this is one incredible post.

I've thought about this during my 12 years here in Dimensions, and as I sit here over lunch, I know I've been one of the guilty parties.

I've been downright mean to some people in the past. Very often I'd react to something someone said, and judge them as being dumb, or mean. I was especially nasty to the meanies & trolls, and took delight in dissecting them on the boards in years past.



> its this big badge they wear thats like an abuse pass.


 You're right, so was I any better because I abused the abusers? That doesn't sound like the way my parents raised me, does it?

I said it's become a harsh world in a previous post. People thrive on the negative, and somehow feel elevated by putting others down. I've had a huge change in my personal life recently, but I've been reluctant to talk about it here, simply because of the negativity and judgment that would have taken place if I were more open about it. I didn't want to live out my situation live in Dimensions, and turn my world into a reality show, like some others have over the years. My gears just won't turn that way. Your life won't be any better because my life isn't peaches and cream right now.

To me, Dimensions is like a dysfunctional family. There's a lot of hatred here hidden under the guise of size acceptance, and I'm going to say EVERYONE here is guilty of that at times, myself included.

I'm all for voting to do our best to improve.....whether it's within ourselves, or our community. I've had discussion with some people here lately that I never thought I'd be talking with because of how I "felt" about them. I'm striving to learn & understand......my father a long time ago said to me "even a broken clock is right twice a day", and I'm looking for that from others.

Hopefully we all can as well, individually and collectively.


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

yeah me too. i'm going to try and do better myself. i can't leave myself out of the bs either.


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## Gendo Ikari (Aug 12, 2009)

Would it be wrong of me to say that the death of Cindy was a blow to the morale here?


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## Victim (Aug 12, 2009)

Maybe people here are being so negative because people here are being so negative. It's a self-perpetuating problem.

We come here to be with friends. Who are friends other than people that make you feel better, but if they feel bad when you get here, you start to feel bad too and take it out on other people.


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## collared Princess (Aug 12, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> basically unnecessary cruelty towards other people-- ridiculing people, naming, jumping to the worst conclusion possible about people, assuming that people who are doing ok are either fake or some kind of fraud, not giving anyone the benefit of the doubt, dehumanizing and demonizing other people just because they have different interests and mindsets, always looking for the bad and dwelling on that, scapegoating etc... things like that basically. i'm sure there are others. i know its happens and its part of human nature. but dims is different because its the home of a whole lot of people who've been damaged by that kind of treatment over being fat. we have people here who are still suffering from the nasty unfeeling words people aimed at them when they were young. and they come here and here it is yet again by another group of people who have somehow made themselves feel justified in doing it too even when they also know what abuse feels like. we of all people should really understand what being treated like "the other", by people who never really made an effort to truly know us, instead of a person looks like on the other side. i've seen a lot of low blows lately and it really bother's me. attacking and making fun of mentally and physically disabled people etc...along with many other things. i don't know how that could be considered normal or even helpful to anybody. to me it just seems plain old abusive. and whats odd about it is that its all done in the guise of SA which is even weirder.
> 
> the over all feeling i get is that since people might be feeling bad at a particular moment due to all of the legitimate challenges they have in their life they feel they have a right to take it out on other people. its this big badge they wear thats like an abuse pass. i'm not sure that just being fat or having other challenges in your life gives a pesron a right to be that heartless--even if it is common practice on the net. its common practice to ridicule fat people too--especially when the person feels bad about something going on with them. thats not right either. but whats shocking to me is that people don't seem to see the connection between what they are doing to other people and what the "avergage" sized world is doing to them. why are we even bothering asking the world to be better if we aren't willing to be a part of that better world? these are real and complicated people at the other ends of these keys. they have real feelings. this is not a video game. i don't think dims will become boring just because people might try to stop virtually destroying each other. i'm not trying to police anybody. i'm just asking people to think a little bit more before they type. how would i feel if...?



As meatloaf would say, super O, you took the words right out of my mouth !!!


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## collared Princess (Aug 12, 2009)

Ill give an example of what I belive she is talking about...first let me say that some of us may not be gifted at putting words on the page and let them flow..some of us just try to get our thoughts on the page and we hope that people will see what we are trying to say..the latest example is Russel Williams post about pregnancy..
In Russels own unique wording from his heart he was trying to tell the bbw community that you can be fat and have a baby..that is a awesome gesture for him to say ..he was giivng hope to anyone who felt they had no chance..the intent was pure but maybe the wording was a little off..so instead of people saying ahh what a great heart this man has he is caring about someones feelings and cares enough not to want anyone to spend another sad day thinking that because they are fat they cant have children..instead he hears wrong place to put this thread,dont we have other threads like this,are you going to post this womans picture without her knowing..now the lady had the same last name so the odds this was his wife were great...but he didnt say it was his wife because maybe he just thinks differently then most..so instead of giivng him the benifit of the doubt and say oh nice post..people had to jump on him like he commited a sin..and if its not that, people tear you apart for spelling errors..people just jump on the tiniest things when there was no malaic every intended..
I hope I didnt sayanything Super O to offend you this is just my take on it..


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## AnnMarie (Aug 12, 2009)

I haven't read this whole thread - so take this for what it's worth. 

I feel like much of this place wallows. There are people in all places, here included, who like to be a victim, like to surround themselves in all it means to them to pay higher prices in life - emotionally, physically, monetarily, etc. Do those things happen? Sure, sometimes they do - but I don't run my life by those issues. Some do.

Do things get me down? Of course. Life is not a bed of roses and I'm certainly aware of the hardships that come our way - fat or thin.

My own opinion on the boards during this phase (they're all phases, I've been here long enough to know) is that we've become focused (as members/posters/community) on the misery, so that's the tone that comes out. When someone starts the ball rolling, others jump in and then it's downright depressing. My own personal escape, what Dimensions is to me in so many ways, has been drastically altered by the general tone. 

We all have bad times and bad things, and I'm glad that people feel free to share them here - but the more and more I read and see, I honestly believe that there are very few men and women here who are actually ok with their size and living it and owning it, and just being. 

That feeling makes me feel isolated in a place I find so much identity. The more and more I read about how people really aren't "ok" or content with who they are, the more isolated I feel in my own self-awareness, the more I feel like keeping quiet because the prevailing tone is a river everyone gets swept away in. 

It's frustrating and sad to me, but I've yet to figure out a counter to it. And I know I'm not the only person feeling this way - but I'm not claiming to speak for anyone but myself. 

I love that people share and support - it's what this community has always been, but our growing numbers and greater diversity has shifted things for me. I think they'll shift back, and maybe part of that is more vocal positive messages from those who feel similarly - keeping quiet probably just perpetuates the issue. I'll try to keep that in mind and do my part.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 12, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> not really i've seen it for a long time but haven't said much. i have asked other people if they've noticed too. so i don't think i'm the only one. a lot of really great positive people have left permanently just because of this issue. so i don't think i'm totally off base. some feel the days when they could come here and get a little pumped up by good vibes so that they can take whats coming at them from the outside world are gone.
> 
> i'm not sure exactly how bringing more attention to it could bring more negativity than is already here. talking about things openly generally help--if for nothing else than to know exactly what your dealing with. and i was thinking continuing to be quiet didn't seem to decrease it any. at least this way people can think about it and make thier own decisions. ignoring something never really seems to make it go away. seems to me its been the 1000lb gorilla in the room for quite a while. its beginning to stink a lil and maybe its time to open some windows and doors and air it out. and if people would rather smell the gorilla than deal with it its good to know that too.



you know, i see what you mean...when i posted the positive forum friends irl...it has not one tenth of the attention the forum bullies or forum villains has found...

maybe we should make a pact to post at least one positive thread/day....it will change the tone, if we make that an objective...


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

Gendo Ikari said:


> Would it be wrong of me to say that the death of Cindy was a blow to the morale here?



yes there were several rounds of loss that i think hit people hard in all kinds of ways and made them worry about themselves and others and probably some of that worry came out in ways no one exected it to.


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

AnnMarie said:


> I haven't read this whole thread - so take this for what it's worth.
> 
> I feel like much of this place wallows. There are people in all places, here included, who like to be a victim, like to surround themselves in all it means to them to pay higher prices in life - emotionally, physically, monetarily, etc. Do those things happen? Sure, sometimes they do - but I don't run my life by those issues. Some do.
> 
> ...



thank you for this. i think you put it very well and cut to the chase.


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> you know, i see what you mean...when i posted the positive forum friends irl...it has not one tenth of the attention the forum bullies or forum villains has found...
> 
> maybe we should make a pact to post at least one positive thread/day....it will change the tone, if we make that an objective...



that sounds like a great start to me. i'm going to go and post on your new positive thread right now! thank you for not taking all of this as an attack.:kiss2:


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## superodalisque (Aug 12, 2009)

collared Princess said:


> Ill give an example of what I belive she is talking about...first let me say that some of us may not be gifted at putting words on the page and let them flow..some of us just try to get our thoughts on the page and we hope that people will see what we are trying to say..the latest example is Russel Williams post about pregnancy..
> In Russels own unique wording from his heart he was trying to tell the bbw community that you can be fat and have a baby..that is a awesome gesture for him to say ..he was giivng hope to anyone who felt they had no chance..the intent was pure but maybe the wording was a little off..so instead of people saying ahh what a great heart this man has he is caring about someones feelings and cares enough not to want anyone to spend another sad day thinking that because they are fat they cant have children..instead he hears wrong place to put this thread,dont we have other threads like this,are you going to post this womans picture without her knowing..now the lady had the same last name so the odds this was his wife were great...but he didnt say it was his wife because maybe he just thinks differently then most..so instead of giivng him the benifit of the doubt and say oh nice post..people had to jump on him like he commited a sin..and if its not that, people tear you apart for spelling errors..people just jump on the tiniest things when there was no malaic every intended..
> I hope I didnt sayanything Super O to offend you this is just my take on it..



nope, you pretty much got what i was saying. ty for adding this example. hopefully i'll cyu in october if all goes well.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 12, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> that sounds like a great start to me. i'm going to go and post on your new positive thread right now! thank you for not taking all of this as an attack.:kiss2:




why would I? we are friends and i think of this as a discussion, only bad thing, we didnt get to have it face to face....

now grasshopper, go post some positive posts


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## The Orange Mage (Aug 12, 2009)

My time at Dims has made shaped me from a naive paysite board-browsing horndog into a bitter, pessimistic FA. That is all.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 13, 2009)

The Orange Mage said:


> My time at Dims has made shaped me from a naive paysite board-browsing horndog into a bitter, pessimistic FA. That is all.



Orange Mage, that is your choice, when you read a thread we all make our choices at that point...internalize it and make it ours, or alter our perception because of it...

i form who i am...not some board....


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## mergirl (Aug 13, 2009)

Gendo Ikari said:


> Would it be wrong of me to say that the death of Cindy was a blow to the morale here?



I was actually thinking about this the other day. I think because three bbw models died in pretty quick succession, it really caught people off guard somehow. They all died rediculously young which i think scared fat people and Fas alike for a whole host of reasons. I'm not saying that the bbw models are the ones people necessararly look up to, but for many people they are the first port of call when it comes to finding places like this. When the role models/guides to something you find intrinsically important are gone i think it makes you feel really uneasy. I'm not sure if this is the whole reason for a blow to moral but i believe it could have contributed. There have also been a few changes to the format here. I think sometimes too much change at once can overwhelm people.


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## mergirl (Aug 13, 2009)

Do you think that the "La La La My fat is wonderful and i love it All the time" doesn't happen as much as it used to because there has been a shift in the dynamics away from a place that is so Fa centric? 

I, even though i am an Fa would rather big women were honest about how they feel and that they had an outlet for whenever they wern't feeling always 100% brilliant about thier bodies. I think honestly is always better in the long run for everyone in here as regards to better understanding goes.


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## TallFatSue (Aug 13, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Do you think that the "La La La My fat is wonderful and i love it All the time" doesn't happen as much as it used to because there has been a shift in the dynamics away from a place that is so Fa centric?
> 
> I, even though i am an Fa would rather big women were honest about how they feel and that they had an outlet for whenever they wern't feeling always 100% brilliant about thier bodies. I think honestly is always better in the long run for everyone in here as regards to better understanding goes.


Well, I'd like to clear up a misconception here. Those of us who enjoy being fat (or more accurately, living well in a fat body) don't think our fat is all wonderful and love it all the time. Many other fat women have posted most of the same aspects I also dislike about being fat, and I find myself saying me too, me too, even if I don't post it. However I saw precious few positives, and all I wanted to do was provide some balance. And so, in an attempt to balance my balance, and possibly become overbalanced, here are some aspects that either annoy me about being fat, or flat out suck.

Balance is a great place to start. I sometimes need to pay very close attention because my center of balance can majorly shift around as I walk. When I walk at certain paces, my fat actually resonates, and my center of mass jostles around so much that sometimes I feel like I might fall over. So I usually try to walk slower than that pace. 

Not only that, when you are housed in a body that is well over half soft jiggly fat, gravity plays some verrrry interesting tricks. If I lean over for something, my fat flops over in that direction, and if I'm not careful my center of gravity can suddenly shift out past my feet. This is especially true if I'm walking, and I don't come to a full stop before I lean over. To my embarrassment, on rare occasions I have been known to bang my head into a wall when I lean over, or even bump into a bookshelf, but so far I have not actually fallen over. Try explaining that to a coworker! "What's the matter, Sue? Trip over your own feet this morning?" It's much easier to say "yep, these doggone big feet of mine" than to explain the physics of fat floppage to an amused coworker. :doh:

I also recall a very special horror. Ages ago, in an effort to "fit in" during a business trip, I stupidly agreed to sit in the back seat of a 2-door car. It was a bit of an effort to get in, but after we arrived, I almost needed a crane and the jaws of life to pry myself out of the back seat. The horror, the horror. Never again! 

And I have also been verrry scared by the deaths in pretty rapid succession of Cindy and other well-known BBW and SSBBW. It doesn't halp that my mother told me I was so fat that I'd never live to be 30, or 40, or 50. Now I'm 52 and I'm still here, but thoughts of my own mortality are becoming more pronounced. 

Oh gee, now I'm putting myself into a blue funk.


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## mergirl (Aug 13, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> Well, I'd like to clear up a misconception here. Those of us who enjoy being fat (or more accurately, living well in a fat body) don't think our fat is all wonderful and love it all the time. Many other fat women have posted most of the same aspects I also dislike about being fat, and I find myself saying me too, me too, even if I don't post it. However I saw precious few positives, and all I wanted to do was provide some balance. And so, in an attempt to balance my balance, and possibly become overbalanced, here are some aspects that either annoy me about being fat, or flat out suck.
> 
> Balance is a great place to start. I sometimes need to pay very close attention because my center of balance can majorly shift around as I walk. When I walk at certain paces, my fat actually resonates, and my center of mass jostles around so much that sometimes I feel like I might fall over. So I usually try to walk slower than that pace.
> 
> ...



Just because i said i thought the whole "La la la.. I love every second of being fat" myth was slowly being dispelled, I didn't mean that you had to write what you didn't like about being fat. Though that did kinna read like fat porn anyway, so i'm sure many Fa's will be thrilled!  . If you are upbeat then that is who you are.
Its not lying to remain upbeat, its just not revealing everything.


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## mergirl (Aug 13, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> And I have also been verrry scared by the deaths in pretty rapid succession of Cindy and other well-known BBW and SSBBW. It doesn't halp that my mother told me I was so fat that I'd never live to be 30, or 40, or 50. Now I'm 52 and I'm still here, but thoughts of my own mortality are becoming more pronounced.
> 
> Oh gee, now I'm putting myself into a blue funk.



I am sorry to hear you feel this way. My Swedish best pal's Grandparents are both in there 80's and weigh at the top end of 300lbs. They are still healthy and active. I know its just one example, but it always makes me smile and think "haha..fuck you know it nothing scientists".


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## out.of.habit (Aug 13, 2009)

I can't believe I have to spread rep around before repping this! BAH! 




AnnMarie said:


> I haven't read this whole thread - so take this for what it's worth.
> 
> I feel like much of this place wallows. There are people in all places, here included, who like to be a victim, like to surround themselves in all it means to them to pay higher prices in life - emotionally, physically, monetarily, etc. Do those things happen? Sure, sometimes they do - but I don't run my life by those issues. Some do.
> 
> ...



Absolutely. Wonderful reminder to everyone, and particularly to those of us who haven't been posting! 

Not that I know anything about that. 



...

Dimensions isn't responsible for your bitterness and pessimism, Mr. Orange Mage. Often what you contribute here is what you get back. 



The Orange Mage said:


> My time at Dims has made shaped me from a naive paysite board-browsing horndog into a bitter, pessimistic FA. That is all.







.


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## The Orange Mage (Aug 14, 2009)

Maybe I should have put it this way: The transformation I went through from naive, paysite-horndoggin' FA to bitter, pessimistic FA coincided with with my time here at Dims.

Dims, yeah, but also personal experience out in the real world and such. Plus being a pessimist in general to begin with probably doesn't help matters.


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## frankman (Aug 14, 2009)

The Orange Mage said:


> My time at Dims has made shaped me from a naive paysite board-browsing horndog into a bitter, pessimistic FA. That is all.





The Orange Mage said:


> Maybe I should have put it this way: The transformation I went through from naive, paysite-horndoggin' FA to bitter, pessimistic FA coincided with with my time here at Dims.
> 
> Dims, yeah, but also personal experience out in the real world and such. Plus being a pessimist in general to begin with probably doesn't help matters.



And also:  

View attachment xkcd-correlation.jpg


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## Theresa48 (Aug 14, 2009)

Are people getting off too much on feeling sorry for themselves? 

IMO, I think they are. I don't think it is only on DIMS, however. I see
the same thing on reality shows which are not really reality I am finding out.  The "find your true love" series especially focuses on those who whine and
cry about their lot in life. I especially found distasteful the "More to Love" women crying about never having a date, never finding a man, this being their last chance at happiness, etc. 

Happy, content people are rare lately. My boss is one of those people that truly sees the best in everything and many people find her hard to be around.
However, we have achieved excellent results under her leadership and the children we teach have excelled on every state test for as long as she has been with us. The faculty and students tend to rise to her high, positive expectations. 

I have often seen, on these boards, a positive outlook perceived as a naive outlook and many people do not hesitate to attack it as being too saccharine. 

Personally, I love lurking and reading and once in a while posting on the threads that interest me. It broadens my views and helps me to see the different perspectives that people have. I try to take nothing personally but fail sometimes. It is interesting to see how many women and men change and grow over the years. I've been coming here since 1998 and have seen many changes over that time. 

Bottom line for me...as society trends come and go so do the Dimension trends.


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## TallFatSue (Aug 14, 2009)

Theresa48 said:


> I have often seen, on these boards, a positive outlook perceived as a naive outlook and many people do not hesitate to attack it as being too saccharine.


Oh I've been called naïve and worse for being positive, but I've decided it's a burden I can live with. 

One reason I remain positive is I've learned how to handle certain negative situations, and often resolve them. Such as my teeny tiny example of sending back a tough steak and politely requesting a replacement. It surprised me how many people simply wouldn't do that, but would complain about it later. Later? Later is too late. Then a restaurant employee posted that my method of bringing it to their attention right then and there -- in a friendly manner -- is exactly the right thing to do. It's not rocket science! 

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death."
-- Mame (Rosalind Russell) in _Auntie Mame_, 1958


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## olwen (Aug 15, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> sometimes i'm get a bit worried when i log into dims. for a site that is supposed to be about celebrating the joys of being fat and enjoying enjoying fat there seems to be a lot of misery. am i misreading something? am i over analyzing something. is my view skewed? is it just me or is there a lot more talk about the difficulties being large and/or liking that than the fun parts. and there also seems to be a lot of anger over both as well as though people resent being fat and resent being attracted to it. what do you think?



I haven't read all the responses yet, and I'm eager to see what people say cause this is a good question....I have to wonder tho if the heart of the matter is how we define: "celebrating the joys of being fat." I do sometimes wonder what that means...is it not talking about dieting? Is it playing up the sexual aspects, or is it simply not hating being fat all the time? 

Being fat IS difficult, both physically and mentally....there can be a lot of bitterness, anger, resentment, confusion, loneliness, and sadness for all kinds of reasons....it seems weird to not express that at all, like it would be weird to come to a place where fat folks congregate and have that kind of emotion be completely absent. I'd think everyone was nuts, but I do think too much of it, that is to say, expressing those feelings all the time is a complete and total downer. 

When I think of positives of fatness, I tend to think of pragmatic sorts of things, not necessarily something that originates from pure joy. I would think the joy would come from just doing stuff that's not really related to being fat, you know all the little things about life that all people tend to enjoy. I realize this site is supposed to be about celebrating fatness, but I often wonder if that's a strange approach sometimes too (not because fat is bad, but because it's just not a common thing to see in society)....I suppose if I were an FA it would probably make complete and total sense to want to celebrate a love of fat bodies and to be able to do that in any way that would make sense to me and that wouldn't be criticized by the very fat people I'd admire, but as the object of admiration I feel like I should have a say in how I am admired....I'm rambling now and not sure where I'm going with this....I guess the point I'm trying to make is that to me "celebrate" just means, enjoy life for all it's joys, but I suppose the joy of fatness is part of that whatever that means to people.


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## olwen (Aug 15, 2009)

I'd also like to add, that perhaps by celebrate we should be talking about the inner strength it takes to be fat and to admire fat. I am often amazed at how strong some of us all are in not letting the negative things about fatness consume us completely. I've also often wondered what it is about me that had kept me from just falling apart altogether. I sometimes see thin people with the kinds of mental blocks and problems I feel should be easy to deal with and I think those problems seem easy to me because I've been thru worse things and came out the other side in one piece....so if we are to celebrate anything, then that awesome emotional strength should be one of those things. I think maybe we don't congratulate each other for that enough, and we should.


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## collared Princess (Aug 15, 2009)

olwen said:


> I'd also like to add, that perhaps by celebrate we should be talking about the inner strength it takes to be fat and to admire fat. I am often amazed at how strong some of us all are in not letting the negative things about fatness consume us completely. I've also often wondered what it is about me that had kept me from just falling apart altogether. I sometimes see thin people with the kinds of mental blocks and problems I feel should be easy to deal with and I think those problems seem easy to me because I've been thru worse things and came out the other side in one piece....so if we are to celebrate anything, then that awesome emotional strength should be one of those things. I think maybe we don't congratulate each other for that enough, and we should.



Yes I agree that why when I see a guy with fa in there nic name I say thank you to them because without fa's where would we be...once again I say THANK YOU


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## Ted Michael Morgan (Aug 15, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> sometimes i'm get a bit worried when i log into dims. for a site that is supposed to be about celebrating the joys of being fat and enjoying enjoying fat there seems to be a lot of misery. am i misreading something? am i over analyzing something. is my view skewed? is it just me or is there a lot more talk about the difficulties being large and/or liking that than the fun parts. and there also seems to be a lot of anger over both as well as though people resent being fat and resent being attracted to it. what do you think?


I know that there is a chubby woman waiting to enjoy my worship of her.


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## rollhandler (Aug 15, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> Generally I assume people are truly trying their best, and I'd rather give them the benefit of the doubt. If it doesn't improve then, I vote with my feet (and my belly) and take my patronage elsewhere.



I always give a Professional service industry location 2 chances to meet expectations of service and quality as well before taking my business elsewhere. Once lost, my patronage doesn't go back for a year or so. If after that time they still don't meet expectations they've lost my business forever. 
Most of the time though my poor experience with their establishment is the result of a bad day or simple human error and is corrected by the second visit.

I like to call my self an optimistic cynic. I like to give the benefit of the doubt as well and assume that whatever is going wrong is simple human error before thinking that someone is out to get me until I find out otherwise. 
Rollhandler


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## wrestlingguy (Aug 15, 2009)

I spent some time yesterday on the phone with my former business partner in our pro wrestling school & promotion. I recently divested myself of that business, but try to stay in touch with the friends I've made in that community as well.

My partner is going through a rough time right now. He has an existing drug issue (painkillers), is taking medication for clinical depression, lost his job (he's a union electrician, but the union knows of the drug issues, and won't send him to work until he's clean), can't pay his mortgage, his wife & 2 kids are ready to leave him.

According to him, his life has spiraled out of control, and he has no idea how he got there.

Okay, here were my immediate thoughts:
1. My personal issues are small compared to his.
2. At no time did he take responsibility for what has "happened" to him.
3. He has no game plan moving forward.
4. Am I in a position to offer any assistance? Maybe.

I invited him to spend a weekend soon, so we could discuss options for him. I have one rule only.........no drugs. NONE. He may take me up on this soon.

It got me to thinking, however, that maybe this is the mantra of some of those who post here.

As I have said in some previous postings, I have a rather rough personal situation that I'm presently facing. That said, here are my thoughts concerning that:
1. My personal issues are small compared to so many others.
2. I've taken responsibility for my part of what's happened, and I'm working 
on that so it won't happen again in the future.
3. I have a plan, and I will stick to it, no matter how difficult that may be
4. Only I can help myself. God, and my family are my strength, but it has
to come from me.

The interesting thing is that I still come here and get support from many in this community. I won't make it a wrestlingguy pity party, but sometimes hearing some positive thoughts from others takes my focus away from my personal life. 

We all experience negatives in our lives. Some like to air it out online, some don't. Some look to this community for support, and some don't. Some get that support, and some don't. Either way, at the end of the day, it shouldn't matter. 

I want to challenge everyone who reads this post to take some time & reflect on your life. What's negative, and what's good. Write about it.....If it's negative, talk about how you plan on overcoming it. If it's positive, share it with everyone! I think that we can all raise the bar, and be more positive here, with understanding & the support of others.

Can we try it?


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## superodalisque (Aug 17, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> I spent some time yesterday on the phone with my former business partner in our pro wrestling school & promotion. I recently divested myself of that business, but try to stay in touch with the friends I've made in that community as well.
> 
> My partner is going through a rough time right now. He has an existing drug issue (painkillers), is taking medication for clinical depression, lost his job (he's a union electrician, but the union knows of the drug issues, and won't send him to work until he's clean), can't pay his mortgage, his wife & 2 kids are ready to leave him.
> 
> ...



i concur! 

there is some good suport happening right now but i hope it will become even more obvious in the future.


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 17, 2009)

A wonderful post. And I agree in spirit. Just want to caution you on extending a helping hand to someone who is, from what you've written, quite clearly still caught up in a drug addiction. As difficult and unmanageable as his life is right now, he probably needs to hit that proverbial bottom before he makes some changes. What looks like bottom to you and I ... believe me ... is often still many, many steps away from actual ear-to-the-ground, grinding into topsoil bottom  



wrestlingguy said:


> I spent some time yesterday on the phone with my former business partner in our pro wrestling school & promotion. I recently divested myself of that business, but try to stay in touch with the friends I've made in that community as well.
> 
> My partner is going through a rough time right now. He has an existing drug issue (painkillers), is taking medication for clinical depression, lost his job (he's a union electrician, but the union knows of the drug issues, and won't send him to work until he's clean), can't pay his mortgage, his wife & 2 kids are ready to leave him.
> 
> ...


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## mergirl (Aug 17, 2009)

I want to challenge everyone who reads this post to take some time & reflect on your life. What's negative, and what's good. Write about it.....If it's negative, talk about how you plan on overcoming it. If it's positive, share it with everyone! I think that we can all raise the bar, and be more positive here, with understanding & the support of others.

Can we try it?[/QUOTE]

hmm.. this is actually really hard. I feel more vulnerable here than i do in many spaces somehow. Though, i guess in sharing your most vulnerable sides you are showing you, warts n all and if people still love you/like you then it's because they love/like the real you.
To be honest i think i have only shared a lot of the things i find negative about myself with people i have felt close to here, i think its partly because i don't want to bore anyone.

Ok-Negatives-How i am changing them and how they have changed me for the better. 

I am borderline agoraphobic. Borderline, only because i have been pushing myself not to be. For about 5 (hmm maby more) years in my 20's i rarely left my flat. Although, this might sound a bit depressing and i guess most of the time it was, it really taught me about who i was. I mean the fundimental me. Without fake glitter or pretence and it also taught me about real friendships that will endure all obstacles. 
I had to radically change my life or maby my life radically changed me. Before i 'broke' i was a singer/guitarist/song writer in a band. I was offered publishing and we made pretty good money from gigs/released Cd's/got funded by record companies including emi/island/rough trade etc.. so it was going pretty well. Though, i think then i was a pretty self destructive person, in many ways and i think i would just have got worse. It became cyclical in so much as the more i hated myself the more self destructive i got. (which sadly seems to be the way it goes) The details are messy and very hazy and sore so i will save them for another day but i'm pretty certain if i didn't have a mental breakdown i wouldn't be alive today. 

The upshot of being miserable -then having constant panic attacks -then becoming severely agoraphobic for quite a few years is this:
The friends that have stuck by me even when i was freaking out most of the time i know are the best people in the world.
I have also met people who have met me while i was agoraphobic and have loved me anyway. Arn't humans amazing sometimes??
I mean really. Before all this happened to me i was so suspicious of people and never trusted anyone (very violent upbringing..but really i should save that for another day!) .. but going through this made me see that actually not all humans are that bad. Infact some people are angels. 

Another plus is that i have a lot of time for people. I try to read between the lines and can understand mental health issues first hand, which i'm hoping will help me when i become a psychologist..(which is the next point)

Although i love music, i always felt people were pushing me to do it, when infact i don't and have never wanted to be a 'sta'r or the centre of attention, even though i can be loud as much as i can be quiet. For years i felt i was letting people down if i didn't 'perform' but when i really thought about it i realised that actually, i love music but i love people more and am more interested in them. So, (as i can't study away and all my attempts have been scuppered by panic and depression in the past) i study from home. When i am qualified i want to set up a charity which helps people who are housebound:Any reason from agoraphobia to physical illnesses- I want to try to offer them free therapy and also alternative therapists, reflexologists etc to come to thier house. I think this is a positive thing to come out of something negitive.. 

As for changing the negative- Although, i still struggle in many ways with a severe panic disorder i push myself every day. This has been a journey that has lasted many years. Sometimes going to the supermarket makes me feel like i am going to pass out...but i am getting better. I think having a partner pushes me even more (although she never pushes me), so we have been on holidays together, to a log cabin on the east coast, to Manchester and to the Isle of skye. In most cases the fun outweighs the panic (cept for the 4 hour panic on the way back from Manchester..but i know why that happened and am prepared for that situation should it arise again). We have booked a holiday to spain for next month- I am shitting myself! lol but i am going to try my best to go.. actually.. NO, i am GOING to go. I havn't been on a plane or on a proper holiday for a long time, so its intimidating.. but i will do it. 

I have a lot more pish to talk about but i'm sure i have bored everyone as is. What wrestling guy said really resonated with me though, and i guess i thought i would share a bit more of myself with you all.. taking the rough with the smooch (just when you thought there could be no more rough!!) But more importantly, that the rough times we go through, can teach us more about us and others than any of the fun times we have had. Hopefully, everyone will have fun too of course.. and i am looking forward to reading about your stories of trying to overcome negitivity too..
haha..i bet though i'm the only one to post..:blush:
Anyway, i'm glad i did and i hope my post didn't come across as something oprah would want to turn into a boring tv movie!!


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 17, 2009)

mer, my respect level for you has just shot through the roof. It was already at the ceiling, prior to reading this post  

I feel very blessed at this stage in my life. Of course, there are many things that tend to drag me down, if I focus on them. My job is extremely stressful, sometimes excruciatingly so. I've lost people that I love. I battle chronic (although not life-threatening, thankfully) health issues that leave me feeling tired a lot. When I start to feel down, I don't even need to remind myself of my blessings. I am always infused with an extra helping of joy when I pick my little guy up from daycare, and he runs to me at top speed and hugs my legs, then showers me with kisses. That puts everything into perspective for me. 

My biggest difficulty, actually, is in expressing any kind of vulnerability to others, including my husband, friends & family. I am the type who will pretend that everything is fine, just fine, nothing to see here, folks. I don't have a problem moaning and griping about inconsequential annoyances and physical aches & pains (much to my husband's consternation) but I have to really battle with myself to acknowledge to anyone that my life is anything but peaches 'n cream. 



mergirl said:


> hmm.. this is actually really hard. I feel more vulnerable here than i do in many spaces somehow. Though, i guess in sharing your most vulnerable sides you are showing you, warts n all and if people still love you/like you then it's because they love/like the real you.
> To be honest i think i have only shared a lot of the things i find negative about myself with people i have felt close to here, i think its partly because i don't want to bore anyone.
> 
> Ok-Negatives-How i am changing them and how they have changed me for the better.
> ...


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## mergirl (Aug 17, 2009)

The feeling is mutual. 
Its funny, you have a LOT in common with my gf..to an almost spooky degree!! lol
I'm sure she can identify with a lot of what you talked about there. I imagine that having a kid would put most things into perspective. 
hmm yeah you n GD should talk!! Actually..GD is that you???


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 17, 2009)

mergirl said:


> The feeling is mutual.
> Its funny, you have a LOT in common with my gf..to an almost spooky degree!! lol
> I'm sure she can identify with a lot of what you talked about there. I imagine that having a kid would put most things into perspective.
> hmm yeah you n GD should talk!! Actually..GD is that you???



Well, then ... you and my hubby can commiserate on how difficult it is sometimes to live with someone who won't (sometimes can't) let you in, at times when you want very badly to be let in, and to help.

By now, my husband realizes that eventually I will bring the walls down. They tend to go up when I'm trying to work through an issue, and I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself that my husband deserves so much more than to be frozen out. He wants to be there for me, and I know this. 

Hopefully, your GD GF (no, not God D! Golden D! ) knows this too, and cries on your shoulder when she needs to. Or, when you shock her with a cattle prod. One way or the other


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## mergirl (Aug 17, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Well, then ... you and my hubby can commiserate on how difficult it is sometimes to live with someone who won't (sometimes can't) let you in, at times when you want very badly to be let in, and to help.
> 
> By now, my husband realizes that eventually I will bring the walls down. They tend to go up when I'm trying to work through an issue, and I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself that my husband deserves so much more than to be frozen out. He wants to be there for me, and I know this.
> 
> Hopefully, your GD GF (no, not God D! Golden D! ) knows this too, and cries on your shoulder when she needs to. Or, when you shock her with a cattle prod. One way or the other


yes... this. I find tazers first then the tears will come! 
I think though, i would rather be with someone who was deep and amazing and worth all the barrier breaking than someone who yammered so much meaningless me me pish that i had to put up some walls around myself for protection.
I think actually we are still getting there and i can feel a little left out at times.. but we are both learning. x


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## superodalisque (Aug 17, 2009)

in that spirit:

the past ten years have been kind of long for me. i lost someone that i lived with basically as man and wife for 15 yrs in 2000. it took me a lot of years to recover from that. he was a very honest loyal and genuinely caring person --to a fault. he was my lover and my best friend. i couldn't say what i did for 5 yrs after. i was pretty much on auto pilot. i still miss him a lot. he was my safety and bedrock. no one i have met since seems strong enough to lean against much less build on. he made everything hard feel easy.

i lost my mother just as we were improving our relationship to a horrible bout with cancer. when she died there were still a lot of unresolved issues. everytime i look back on it i feel so sorry for her because i never realized until them how much of it was about how she really hated herself and didn't have to. to add insult to her injury she was in terrible pain. she just didn't deserve all of the misery she had in her life. most of which came from her own mind. i just wish i had more time with her. i could see she was finally waking to how valuable she was and beginning to be proud of herself--at least through her children. that was a start. but now that business will always be somehow unfinished. so its always in there sort of gnawing.

i've always been very proud of my health and my strength. i've relied on it heavily all of these years. now i realize its where a lot of my confidence as a person came from. after having a boney mass grow into my spine pressing and bruising on my spinal cord i am a really comparitively very weak. i hate it. but i do my therapy everyday. i'm not going to let it keep me down. the nerve damage is supposed to heal but its an extremely slow process and it can feel highly agravating some days. i wish i could just wake up and feel normal but it won't happen quite like that. my operation was over 7 months ago and even though my doc says i'm on schedule and all of the intense nerve pain is gone my feet are numb and my legs are still pretty weak. there are a lot of good things in my life and i know if i don't hold onto them and notice them i could slip under and become depressed. i don't want to waste my life like that. i don't want the days to just slip by unappreciated and then come out of a fog one day only to realize how much of it is gone forever and regret.

so every day i keep doing these boring exercises and pushing myself to walk more and more. i keep myself busy volunteering and helping out with my bros business when i can. i'm trying to keep my eyes on my goals but there are always setbacks. this kind of neuropathy is pretty unpredictable on a day to day basis. there are days when i'm all swollen up and i have to get my cane out again and i feel like i'm going backward. but luckily there are days when i feel great and i almost walk normally. i live for those days.

so the fall is coming and after taking a years leave of absence i'm going back to teaching. i'm really happy about it. my students are always great. they are serious about what they do but full of fun energy and hopes for the future. i need thier outlook . i need to mama somebody who wants it and be with people who have hope. . i can lose all of my problems in being busy helpful and constructive. and maybe i'll look up and i'll be totally well again without havng so much time to focus on myself and how i'm doing. its a waiting game so i'm trying to figure out a better way to play it.


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## mergirl (Aug 18, 2009)

Sorry to hear you have been through so much. I think its true though that teaching and helping others is an amazing way to forget about your own problems. Kids always make me laugh no matter how shitty i'm feeling. Took GD's friend's wee boy to the safari park last weekend and i think i had more fun than he did! It was just so hilarious watching him all super excited because he had never been anywhere like that before and it also made me feel important that he has a fun memory of doing something new and i was there!! Ok, thats kinna selfish but i don't care!!


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## bdog (Aug 19, 2009)

diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at age 7. my reality is that without injecting insulin i would die in short order. with insulin, excercise, and diet i can hopefully stave off serious complications.
labeled a diabetic. not a person with diabetes.
father in three different 12 step programs. loving but often emotionally absent.
loving mother who crushed me with her expectations.
i became a perfectionist, never satisfied with my work, never receiving praise from dad, trying to live up to all the gifts i was blessed with.
memories at age 5 of wanting to project an image of success to others. this is because i didn't know my own self worth.
parents divorced at age 14.
depression. could no longer hold it together.
stopped taking care of my diabetes.
stopped going to school. grades plummeted. went from straight As to barely graduating. 
quit the ice hockey and soccer teams because my health wasn't up to it.
self esteem was too low to ask out girls.
became gradually addicted to pornography.
in college my grades were too poor to be an engineer or architect so i went to art school.
can't run from demons. got so depressed over my art that i would lie down in my bedroom unable to get up.
graduated with no real skills. got a shitty job that barely allowed me to afford my medical supplies.
went to therapists. lived in a zen monastery. read books on religion and philosophy. practiced yoga. set goals. set intentions. made plans. never stopped trying. never stopped believing.
got a better job.
got an even better job. 
got girlfriends.
growing out of shyness.
more appreciative of my own artwork.
really proud of personal video projects.
more confident in my abilities.
taking piano lessons.
making music videos.
feel i have a lot to offer the world.

my happiness is hard won, and i could not have done it without some wonderful and amazing people in my life. also, i love my parents (and sister), and know that i owe them so much, and know that much of my strength comes from their examples.


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## abel (Aug 22, 2009)

I find that people tease me a lot and I hate it.

They don't mean it badly, in fact they are shocked when I get mad, and they apologize. It's really completely my own issue.

What bugs me about it are two things:

1. The fact that people _think it's OK _to tease me, even though they are polite and careful with others. I hate the fact that I am seen as being harmless and a pushover. It makes me feel inferior.

2. The fact that I am not quick on my feet to hit back. I'm not sure how to develop that wit.

These two things make me feel utterly worthless, like I deserve to be destroyed. Nobody around me has any clue I feel these things. They would be shocked if they knew how seriously I took it. Sometimes it makes me fantasize about killing myself in to shock the hell out of them and teach them all a lesson.


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## frankman (Aug 22, 2009)

bdog said:


> [...] lived in a zen monastery. [...]



This might just be one of the coolest things I've ever read here.


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## frankman (Aug 22, 2009)

abel said:


> I find that people tease me a lot and I hate it.
> 
> They don't mean it badly, in fact they are shocked when I get mad, and they apologize. It's really completely my own issue.
> 
> ...



I'm not one with words, so please take this in the kindest way imaginable, but:

You could just tell them how you feel and give them a chance to understand.


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## superodalisque (Aug 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Sorry to hear you have been through so much. I think its true though that teaching and helping others is an amazing way to forget about your own problems. Kids always make me laugh no matter how shitty i'm feeling. Took GD's friend's wee boy to the safari park last weekend and i think i had more fun than he did! It was just so hilarious watching him all super excited because he had never been anywhere like that before and it also made me feel important that he has a fun memory of doing something new and i was there!! Ok, thats kinna selfish but i don't care!!



he doesn't care either. i love a win win situation.


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## Dangerous Dan (Aug 24, 2009)

We interrupt this pity party for this message.


TallFatSue said:


> And I'm certainly not the only woman who enjoys being fat, although they're probably not so forward about it.


Speaking from a man's viewpoint there is nothing more attractive than a confident woman - of ANY size. I believe people need to love themselves before they can expect others to love them.

Back to lurk mode...


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## southernfa (Aug 25, 2009)

I have a dear friend who is a walking disaster zone; failed marriages, investment disasters, accidents, sickness, you name it... And yet he is irrepressibly cheerful. Whenever I am feeling down I ring him just to hear about his latest catastrophe and cheer myself up. There is always someone worse off than we are.


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## kayrae (Aug 25, 2009)

first world problems


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## bdog (Aug 25, 2009)

abel said:


> I find that people tease me a lot and I hate it.
> 
> They don't mean it badly, in fact they are shocked when I get mad, and they apologize. It's really completely my own issue.
> 
> ...



My condolences. 

Just as a general rule it's easiest to tease people who take themselves seriously or have an issue with themselves. If a guy doesn't like his weight, you tease his weight. If he doesn't think he works hard enough, you tease his work ethic. You can count on people to be experts at getting under other peoples' skin.

Also, I agree, I think it is about you. I think their teasing brings your issues to the surface. Which is great, because it gives you an opportunity to look at them. Do you believe what they're saying? Can you be kind to yourself when they're not being kind to you? Can you just not take it so seriously?

Also, chances are they actually like you, and their teasing is harmless. You're doing the harm to yourself. However, maybe they're assholes, and you should do your best to remove yourself from the situation.

Also, if you're thinking about killing yourself you should see a therapist. Just because chances are a good one can make you a happier person.

It depends on the people, but telling them it hurts your feelings may or not be good advice.

Lastly, you'll have quick witty retorts when you're not so upset by what they're saying. Until then, good luck.


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## mergirl (Aug 25, 2009)

Dangerous Dan said:


> We interrupt this pity party for this message.Speaking from a man's viewpoint there is nothing more attractive than a confident woman - of ANY size. I believe people need to love themselves before they can expect others to love them.
> 
> Back to lurk mode...



Hmm confidence isn't always so easy to achieve. Don't you think if people could become confident they would do so!!! Its not like people chose to be not confident. 
PITY PARTY!!.. We were trying to find good things that have came out of bad, which i think is a really positive thing. 
I'm impressed by the fact that 'you' believe "people need to love themselves before they can expect others to love them"!! Thats amazingly insiteful and brilliant that you made that up!!!


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## TallFatSue (Aug 25, 2009)

bdog said:


> Just as a general rule it's easiest to tease people who take themselves seriously or have an issue with themselves. If a guy doesn't like his weight, you tease his weight. If he doesn't think he works hard enough, you tease his work ethic. You can count on people to be experts at getting under other peoples' skin.


That is soooo true. I'm the fattest person at my company, but hardly anyone teases me about it. On the other hand, I know of at least one man not nearly as fat as I am who is regularly teased about his weight. Why? He's an easy target and he simply takes it. I've told him that attitude is important, and people probably know I'm very comfortable in my own skin, so there's no use teasing me about it. I do try to step in and discourage that sort of behavior, but I can go only so far because he's not in not my department and I can't fight others' battles for them. However on those occasions I do hear people pick on him, I say that if anyone wants to tell fat jokes, tell them about me. Silence. 

I've been in his situation, because up until junior high school I hated being the big tall fat girl, the other kids knew it, and that's exactly what they teased me about. Now decade later in a work environment I see some people haven't matured much since their school days.


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## TallFatSue (Aug 25, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Hmm confidence isn't always so easy to achieve. Don't you think if people could become confident they would do so!!! Its not like people chose to be not confident.
> PITY PARTY!!.. We were trying to find good things that have came out of bad, which i think is a really positive thing.
> I'm impressed by the fact that 'you' believe "people need to love themselves before they can expect others to love them"!! Thats amazingly insiteful and brilliant that you made that up!!!


But it's absolutely true. Confidence breeds confidence, and people tend to view others by how they view themselves. The problem is that this is amazingly simple in theory, but very hard in practise. Even though it's much easier and better to *be* confident, it takes an enormous effort to *become* confident. I was teased mercilessly as a girl, and I absolutely dreaded high school. Then I blundered into my saving grace: I had a quick wit, I could give as good as I got, and I could make people laugh *with* me instead of *at* me. I wish I could remember the exact incident that helped me first breach the confidence barrier, but it all happened so fast. Probably some skinny little cheerleader bitch made fun of my big fat ass for the umpteenth time, and I lost my cool and angrily compared her so-called breasts to bee stings. Imagine my pleasant surprise to hear the other kids laugh at *her* for a change. Apparently I greatly increased the cost of tormenting me that day. Before long I was the stereotypical funny fat girl and became reasonably popular too. It was only all a defense mechanism, and I thought people would see through my thin façade of confidence, but gradually over the years my veneer of confidence became genuine. That taught me a thing or two about how to be confident.


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 25, 2009)

Oprah said it first. After that, it's pretty much a ... "meh"


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## Ruffie (Aug 25, 2009)

I think its definitely ok to put on your pity party hat and feel what you are going through for a time. It is in those moments you acknowledge your strength, get the lessons you need to learn and then can move on and deal. Like I tell the kids I work with the only time you are a failure is when you decide not to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and begin again. In the last week I had
*Mom in ICU and hospital with a bleeding ulcer
* Shingle company damage my retaining wall, a wrought iron fence, a tree and a wood fence when their truck almost tipped delivering the shingles for the roofing job and slammed into these things.
*Freezer died ruining all the food in it
*truck broken into and speakers ripped out of the doors
I got my ass out of bed and to work each day and visited mom, took care of her house, bought a new freezer and took tea with the shingle company to repair the damage. Did I feel sorry for myself? Hell YES! But am also of the attitude nothing is going to keep me down for long. Sometimes we just look within and keep on keeping on!


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## msbard90 (Aug 25, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> sometimes i'm get a bit worried when i log into dims. for a site that is supposed to be about celebrating the joys of being fat and enjoying enjoying fat there seems to be a lot of misery. am i misreading something? am i over analyzing something. is my view skewed? is it just me or is there a lot more talk about the difficulties being large and/or liking that than the fun parts. and there also seems to be a lot of anger over both as well as though people resent being fat and resent being attracted to it. what do you think?



I do see that there is a lot of negativity, as well as positivity. From what I know, there are a LOT of people who post rather frequently on here, sometimes spending many hours at a time posting. I feel like a lot of people on this site have become like family, thus many feel comfortable discussing the negative side of life. As many people posting to this thread have said, there are tons of reasons for misery in this day and age. Our economy blows, our friends are dying, etc. etc.... But I have noticed that those people who do complain about the limitations of their weight or other things also contribute positive things to the site. Sometimes it makes us feel better to know that we aren't the only person suffering with stiff knees or being flat out broke. 

Reading the struggles of others and being able to help them makes me happy. It makes me extremely happy if my advice is taken to heart and I changed someone's day or life, even in the slightest way. 

I also notice that there is a lot of negativity regarding those who aren't positive on the threads. Yes this site (to me at least) is supposed to look at fat in a positive way, and when some one is feeling down on themselves, a lot of us will try to bring them out. But there are also the people who enjoy bringing people down on this site, which is pretty much PATHETIC. The non-playful bickering, name calling, finger pointing, nit picking people do bring down the site in a way. But you can't help but expect it. We all communicate with eachother- A LOT! All day, every day, we know what is going on with eachother. A bunch of us even know eachother in person. So the dumb negative fighting is going to happen, especially because of the lack of self control by a small small small small portion of users on the site. Some people don't know when to give dims a break, calm down, take a deep breath, and come back after all the anger and bad feelings pass.... But everyone's a different person.

Sorry for the rant, guys... I just felt strongly about the topic


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## southernfa (Aug 26, 2009)

I came across this today and found it thought-provoking:
"The strangest and most fantastic fact about negative emotions is that people actually worship them."
- P. D. Ouspensky
(1878 - 1939)
Russian philosopher and teacher


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## Loveface (Aug 26, 2009)

Being relatively new to this site, I have not read enough posts to feel depressed or down or concern about too much negativity thus far.

I have found people at times funny, silly, annoying, helpful, petty, passionate, opinionated, kind, empathetic, intelligent , in desperate need of spell check  and every other adjective you could think of.

But in real life that is exactly how people are- and when you have so many diverse people congregating at the same place, that kind of stuff just seems to happen- and I think on the whole- its a pretty great thing.

There are so many people that have moved me with their frank honesty, with their kindness and willingness to offer support and sympathy and a shoulder to cry on to people that they have never met in person ( for the most part), just whom they have come to know and care about on this site.

It's been helping me to rein in my natural inclination to judge people too quickly and to open my mind to ideas and thoughts that I might have been quick to dismiss.

While I have been more of a "lurker" than a writer, I enjoy the comfort that knowing a place like Dims is around- so if I want that shot of support that for some reason I might not find face to face, chances are there are going to be people that will encourage, compliment, and sympathize or set me straight should I need it.

So, thanks to all you that are here and offering a piece of yourselves to myself and the many others who come here.

I hope to be able to return the favors as well, as time goes by


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## mergirl (Aug 26, 2009)

Loveface said:


> Being relatively new to this site, I have not read enough posts to feel depressed or down or concern about too much negativity thus far.
> 
> I have found people at times funny, silly, annoying, helpful, petty, passionate, opinionated, kind, empathetic, intelligent , in desperate need of spell check  and every other adjective you could think of.
> 
> ...



Exactly. Whatever Dims is or is not. If someone comes with a problem there will always be help for them. I think this is amazing. I actually don't normally offload here in that respect as i prefer here to be my place of fun and jokes and sometimes offence and anoyance and bust ups but i know if i ever do need some virtual shoulders to cry on then they are there. When my dog was hit by a car i KNEW there would be people here who knew how devistated i felt (Even though she was ok). There are so many different types of people, in think you could pretty much get advice about anything should you need it..which i think is wonderful.


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## frankman (Aug 26, 2009)

mergirl said:


> [...]PITY PARTY!!.. We were trying to find good things that have came out of bad, which i think is a really positive thing.[...]



Yes, a pity party. And it's all your fault.

Because you start downright depressing blablablah threads, your spelling is all Scotty, you don't joke around, but worst of all: 

you _never ever _post lolcats...
and you're one of my favorite posters.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 26, 2009)

frankman said:


> Yes, a pity party. And it's all your fault.
> 
> Because you start downright depressing blablablah threads, your spelling is all Scotty, you don't joke around, but worst of all:
> 
> ...



Shut it Frank 'cuz.......I want to beat you up again...but I won't cuz...I still feel sorry for you. 
I'm sick of this emotional roller coaster you keep me on  :doh:


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## mergirl (Aug 27, 2009)

frankman said:


> Yes, a pity party. And it's all your fault.
> 
> Because you start downright depressing blablablah threads, your spelling is all Scotty, you don't joke around, but worst of all:
> 
> ...



Aww..:wubu:meep!



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Shut it Frank 'cuz.......I want to beat you up again...but I won't cuz...I still feel sorry for you.
> I'm sick of this emotional roller coaster you keep me on  :doh:


Damn Right! (lol..'Shaft' just popped into my head there!)


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## abel (Sep 5, 2009)

bdog said:


> My condolences.
> 
> Just as a general rule it's easiest to tease people who take themselves seriously or have an issue with themselves. If a guy doesn't like his weight, you tease his weight. If he doesn't think he works hard enough, you tease his work ethic. You can count on people to be experts at getting under other peoples' skin.
> 
> ...


Yes, absolutely, they do like me and from their perspective it is harmless friendly teasing. If they knew how much I hate they would probably stop, but I'm embarrassed to tell them.

I have known assholes too, but they don't bother me because, as you said, I remove myself from them. They are the kind of people that everyone thinks are assholes.

I don't seriously think about killing myself. There's no way I could possibly do something like that. I only like the fantasy, and thinking about how shocked the people who tease me would be if it happened. 

But thanks for the advice, I guess understanding why it bothers me so much and what to do about it is really the key issue here.


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