# Dating someone because of or despite their size



## JerseyGirl07093 (Jun 10, 2006)

I was just wondering how others felt about this......
When dating someone, etc. I want someone to like me for me, not because of or despite my size. I'm a woman who just happens to be fat. I wouldn't want someone to date me just because of my size. As an example, to me it would be just like someone dating you just because you had big breasts (and I don't. lol) , and they didn't pay any attention to the person you really are. I know physical attraction is part of who we are attracted to, but I just want it to be more than that.
Am I making any sense? lol
Just wanted to get your thoughts.......


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## Roxanna (Jun 10, 2006)

Hey girl!

Glad you bought this up.
Personaly, ive dated people who I thought truly liked me .. but they actualy only liked my fat .. and that really upset me.
I would rather date someone who didnt even notice my weight as an issue .. I have feet, but I dont want them to specificaly notice, I have arms .. but they shouldnt go out with me because of it, same with my fat.
Im a whole package, fats part of it, I would rather someone who just loved all of me .. and not just my fat.
Ive dated people who just liked my big breasts .. and when I found out, they got seriously hurt. Same thing with fat, for me


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## Ned Sonntag (Jun 10, 2006)

Sorry for that outburst ladies.


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## LookingAround (Jun 10, 2006)

To me, dating someone because they're fat is the same as not dating someone because they're fat. Both are the same example of not even bothering to get to know someone. Yeah, people make a lot of noise about first impressions and physical attraction, but when the dog and pony show is over, it's all about getting to know the person occupying that body. And it would seem to me that if someone is serious about entertaining a relationship, getting to know a person should be priority on the list.


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## EbonySSBBW (Jun 10, 2006)

I have been in a relationship for over 2 years and he is a fat admirer. He loves my fat and I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't want that to be the ONLY reason why he was with me, there had to also be other reasons. I also wouldn't want him to be with me because I have a great personality so he is willing to deal with the fat. My fat is a part of who I am and when my guy is touching me, I want to know that he is turned on by my body. I don't think it's a bad thing if people seek out others based on their physical preferences, as long as that is not the ONLY reason why they want to be with that person. Let's face it, physical attraction is important in a relationship (more so initially)...and that's ok.


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## Moonchild (Jun 10, 2006)

I'm the sort of guy who falls for someone easily. And when I do, it doesn't matter what their size is, my preferences morph and reshape into them. There was a time when a girl who weight under 110 lbs was the most beautiful thing in the world to me, and I'm an FA, so that should tell you something.

I want someone to want me for who I am on the inside and all that cliche stuff, but I also want her to want on me just by looking at me, know what I mean? I want to be her EVERYTHING, not just connected mentally and emotionally. That's all great, don't think I'm trying to devalue the non-physical, but with just that there's still something missing.


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## Barnes (Jun 10, 2006)

I agree. In high school one of the most difficult things is watching all the skinny girls be drooled over by boys. It's hard not ever having had a boyfriend. But I also would rather not be one of those girls the guys drool over. Because we all know those guys just want to get in bed with those girls. I want someone to love me so much that they miss me when I go to work, or that they would do anything for me. I'm a hopeless romantic lol.


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## TraciJo67 (Jun 10, 2006)

EbonySSBBW said:


> I have been in a relationship for over 2 years and he is a fat admirer. He loves my fat and I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't want that to be the ONLY reason why he was with me, there had to also be other reasons. I also wouldn't want him to be with me because I have a great personality so he is willing to deal with the fat. My fat is a part of who I am and when my guy is touching me, I want to know that he is turned on by my body. I don't think it's a bad thing if people seek out others based on their physical preferences, as long as that is not the ONLY reason why they want to be with that person. Let's face it, physical attraction is important in a relationship (more so initially)...and that's ok.



Beautifully phrased, Ebony. I've given out too much rep to several of the 'kewl kidz' liberals, so just wanted to add an "Amen"


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## JustPlainJim (Jun 10, 2006)

Way back when, before a certain lady walked into my life, I had an "ideal body" in my head. Then, a young woman asked me out... She was pretty thin (unless you're going by hollywood standards) ... except for her backside which was dreamy, but I loved her personality and wit before I started dating her. As we went on, my "ideal" changed... to be more like her. Sure, I did try to fatten her up a we bit (and I do think she put on a bit of weight), but she became my ideal, just becuase my ideal shifted.. I was so in love with her, and not her body that... well... it all changed in my mind. She became my ideal woman...

Then she dumped me.

Then another girl came into my life and as before... my mental ideal shifted to match what she looked like... I was in love with her for being her ((and as an added bonus, she was a big girl that was wanting to get bigger. Ate like an anorexic and never lost a pound. X3 ))... it helped that we were so alike, as far as our personalities went... But we went our seperate ways...

True, physical appearances are kinda important ((kinda hard to make love to someone that makes you physically ill)), but it's just... icing on the cake, if you'll paron the cliche. ^_^


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## NFA (Jun 10, 2006)

Its perfectly reasonable, and I'd certainly say ideal, to seek out someone who is attracted to all that you are. Dating someone because of their body will result in a relationship without depth, but I don't believe dating someone "in spite of" their body is any better. Both treat the partner as little more than a buffet to pick and choose from those attributes you like while trying to disregard those you do not. "Well, I like your body, so I'll suffer your personality," or "I get along with you quite nicely, so I'll ignore how unattractive you are."

Often, we seem to think the only options available are those two, but there absolutely is a third way. That of being attracted to someone inclusive of their body. Being attracted to all that they are. Liking fat women isn't even a vaguely limiting physical preference. There are so many women of such rich personal variance, that I have little doubt any interested man can find a fully comptable partner by focusing their attention just on women they are physically attracted. All this means is that they are looking for a total attraction. An attraction towards all that a person is.


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## JerseyGirl07093 (Jun 10, 2006)

Thanks for all the great replies. I'm really interested in reading about how you all feel about this subject.
Sometimes it's hard to find someone to like 'you for you'. No wonder I'm single! lol


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## JustPlainJim (Jun 11, 2006)

*laughs* Hey, join the club. (I'm single too, and it sucks!)

I often see things as a triad. Mind, body and spirit... And as Meat Loaf once said "Two out of three ain't bad". If I really dig two of the three and the other isn't totally horrid, It'll often work (at least for me).

Mind:
Brains. Wits. I love smart women. I want a woman I can talk to and she can keep up (or at elast I don't have to dumb it down to caveman grunts)... A geek, a nerd, a dork... Someone that can appriciate my little fanboyisms and can keep up a good conversation.

Spirit:
Perosnality. Humor. A sweet smile, a kind laugh, a shoulder to cry on from time to time... A heart I can feel reaching back for me when I reach to it. A warm hug on a cold day. Heh. Someone that doesn't mind bad poetry, a lot of "I love you"s, flowers every once in a while and isn't afraid to reciprocate it.
(( This was the downfall of my first GF. I felt my heart reaching for her... and all I got back were Kill Bill rants))

Body:
The obvious. That deep, primal attraction that when she's wearing that special outfit... Hell, when she's wearing clothes, you fight the urge to rip them off of her. To take her. Make her yours. Even better, to have her do the same for you. To make you hers. Deep, mutual, mind-blowing lust. 
Or, at the very least, a bit of lust over each other's sexy bodies... ^_^


(( Side note: My last GF's name was Lisa, too. Nice girl, and so badly wanted to gain weight (especially in the chest). ^^; ))


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## Observer (Jun 11, 2006)

First time dating and marriage, or even going steady, are not the same thing.

Usually you date someone the first time because of a specific factor. It could be an event, a common interest, church membership or a recommendation from a friend. So why not that the way that you look is attractive?

Once you have that first date, and maybe a few more, they then have had a chance to get to know you. And before you form a long term relationship there should by that point be more understanding of one another than whatever brought you together initially.

But why tie someone's hands by insisting that they like you for your total package before they have had a chance to know what that package comprises? Or before you know what they have to offer?

I suggest accepting purely social dates based on the occasion, your schedule, and perception of the other individual; whatever the other person's initial motivation was should be noted but not decisive.. Save the "you need to accept all of me" mantra for long term commitments after they have had reasonable opportunity to know what "all of me" consists of.


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## Chimpi (Jun 11, 2006)

Personally, and it may be shallow, but I am not willing to date any type of woman except a fat woman. It's just as simple as that.
Now, with that said, I refuse to date a fat woman that I do not find an interest or spark with their personality, or one whom I don't click with in any other sort of way. A relationship is exactly that - a relationship. However, there is that element of physical attraction that I truly want to have, and wish the other party to have as well, you know? I know love is a powerful thing, and goes above and beyond any form of physical attritube whatsoever, but I'd be much happier with a fat woman. 
That being said, I love Erin very much, and she is fat, and that's the way I like it. And that's the way she likes it, as well. Which, is an absolute plus.
As shallow as I may seem, you'd have to get to know me... I suppose.
*shrugs* Doesn't matter too much.


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## TallFatSue (Jun 11, 2006)

Looking back after nearly 3 decades, my future husband began to date me despite my size. When we first met, he told me in no uncertain terms that he did not like fat girls -- but he kept turning up. He said that my intelligence and friendly wise ass personality intrigued him, and that the more he got to know me, the more my obesity intrigued him too. So by golly he fell in love with me, fat and all. Well, we dated for a few years, got married and last month celebrated our 24th anniversary.

I'm thrilled that he loves me for me, but let's face it 2/3 of my weight is body fat, so I'm thrilled he loves my fat too.


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## Pink (Jun 11, 2006)

my sis and I had a conversation similar to this just this week. We were discussing going to a local bbw event (she's single and looking) that I was trying to talk her into attending . She looks me straight in the face and says" I don't know, I don't want someone to date me just because I'm fat" In response I burst into laughter and started rolling around on the floor howling.lol I guess I don't believe anyone halfway intelligent would choose to be with a person long term just for being fat. She is a smart cookie and would see someone who just wanted a quick hookup a mile off. After I teased her for a while calling out "yoohoo I want to marry you fat girl" hehe She said that was really one of the silliest things I have said and we laughed about it for an hour. She is more nervous of attending an event than actually meeting someone. I think that all of us are attracted to some physical aspect of our perspective mates (hair color, height,weight,etc.) It's natural. I don't think anyone can base a real relationship on those aspects alone. Just like if you feel no physical attraction but loved someone's personality it might work for a while but not for the long haul.


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## Moonchild (Jun 11, 2006)

TallFatSue said:


> Looking back after nearly 3 decades, my future husband began to date me despite my size. When we first met, he told me in no uncertain terms that he did not like fat girls -- but he kept turning up. He said that my intelligence and friendly wise ass personality intrigued him, and that the more he got to know me, the more my obesity intrigued him too. So by golly he fell in love with me, fat and all. Well, we dated for a few years, got married and last month celebrated our 24th anniversary.
> 
> I'm thrilled that he loves me for me, but let's face it 2/3 of my weight is body fat, so I'm thrilled he loves my fat too.



Now THAT is what I'm talking about  

I've always said (well, for a while anyway) that if you establish a mental and emotional connection, the physical connection will tear your preferences apart to follow. That's how it works for me anyway.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 11, 2006)

There is nothing shallow at all about wanting to only date fat women. Some guys only date women who are slim. Some women only date men who are six feet tall or more. Everyone is entitled to have preferences. I prefer to be with someone who appeals to me physically, mentally and spiritually. 





Chimpi said:


> Personally, and it may be shallow, but I am not willing to date any type of woman except a fat woman. It's just as simple as that.
> Now, with that said, I refuse to date a fat woman that I do not find an interest or spark with their personality, or one whom I don't click with in any other sort of way. A relationship is exactly that - a relationship. However, there is that element of physical attraction that I truly want to have, and wish the other party to have as well, you know? I know love is a powerful thing, and goes above and beyond any form of physical attritube whatsoever, but I'd be much happier with a fat woman.
> That being said, I love Erin very much, and she is fat, and that's the way I like it. And that's the way she likes it, as well. Which, is an absolute plus.
> As shallow as I may seem, you'd have to get to know me... I suppose.
> *shrugs* Doesn't matter too much.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 11, 2006)

Ebony, this is very well said. BRAVO!




EbonySSBBW said:


> I have been in a relationship for over 2 years and he is a fat admirer. He loves my fat and I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't want that to be the ONLY reason why he was with me, there had to also be other reasons. I also wouldn't want him to be with me because I have a great personality so he is willing to deal with the fat. My fat is a part of who I am and when my guy is touching me, I want to know that he is turned on by my body. I don't think it's a bad thing if people seek out others based on their physical preferences, as long as that is not the ONLY reason why they want to be with that person. Let's face it, physical attraction is important in a relationship (more so initially)...and that's ok.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 12, 2006)

I've gotten that response once or twice from fat women. I find that if I'm not dealing with a woman at a size acceptance event, it is best not to even mention my preference until after she has gotten to know me. That way she knows she will be getting the real deal instead of getting a mere fetishist.




Pink said:


> my sis and I had a conversation similar to this just this week. We were discussing going to a local bbw event (she's single and looking) that I was trying to talk her into attending . She looks me straight in the face and says" I don't know, I don't want someone to date me just because I'm fat" In response I burst into laughter and started rolling around on the floor howling.lol I guess I don't believe anyone halfway intelligent would choose to be with a person long term just for being fat. She is a smart cookie and would see someone who just wanted a quick hookup a mile off. After I teased her for a while calling out "yoohoo I want to marry you fat girl" hehe She said that was really one of the silliest things I have said and we laughed about it for an hour. She is more nervous of attending an event than actually meeting someone. I think that all of us are attracted to some physical aspect of our perspective mates (hair color, height,weight,etc.) It's natural. I don't think anyone can base a real relationship on those aspects alone. Just like if you feel no physical attraction but loved someone's personality it might work for a while but not for the long haul.


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## TallFatSue (Jun 12, 2006)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> There is nothing shallow at all about wanting to only date fat women. Some guys only date women who are slim. Some women only date men who are six feet tall or more. Everyone is entitled to have preferences. I prefer to be with someone who appeals to me physically, mentally and spiritually.


Good point. I'm a woman who happens to be 6ft tall, and I know many other women who only date men taller than them, or older than them. When you get right down to it, it's not too different from a weight preference. Thank goodness my husband & I threw those preconceived notions to the four winds.

To set the scene, Art & I met in 1977 when I was 20 and he was 18. Heavens to Betsy, some of my classmates said I was robbing the cradle -- I guess a university junior dating a freshman was okay if the man was older, but not the reverse. I was 2 inches taller too, and "only" double his weight then (not I'm almost triple his weight). So we both faced peer pressure when we dated, not to mention overcoming our own preconditioning.

Come to think of it, after I got my degree and he had 2 years to go, some of my friends asked if I was afraid he might be "playing the field." Oh swell, get the big tall fat woman all worried about losing her sweetheart.


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## Webmaster (Jun 12, 2006)

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> I was just wondering how others felt about this......
> When dating someone, etc. I want someone to like me for me, not because of or despite my size. I'm a woman who just happens to be fat. I wouldn't want someone to date me just because of my size. As an example, to me it would be just like someone dating you just because you had big breasts (and I don't. lol) , and they didn't pay any attention to the person you really are. I know physical attraction is part of who we are attracted to, but I just want it to be more than that.
> Am I making any sense? lol
> Just wanted to get your thoughts.......



Of course you make sense. But you also bring up two absolute facts of life: 1) Almost all of us have a physical preference, looks and attributes that make us notice and desire, appearances that simply appeal to us. Often, first contact is made on that basis. 2) Once past that initial phase, it quickly boils down to personality, chemistry, sharing and all the other stuff that truly makes a person. With us guys of the FA persuasion, we really, really do appreciate a fat partner. That is just the way it is. So forgive us if at times we, and especially the younger ones among us, come across as a bit preoccupied. We just want to love someone who is a wonderful person who also so happens to be fat.


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## Still a Skye fan (Jun 12, 2006)

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> I was just wondering how others felt about this......
> When dating someone, etc. I want someone to like me for me, not because of or despite my size. I'm a woman who just happens to be fat. I wouldn't want someone to date me just because of my size. As an example, to me it would be just like someone dating you just because you had big breasts (and I don't. lol) , and they didn't pay any attention to the person you really are. I know physical attraction is part of who we are attracted to, but I just want it to be more than that.
> Am I making any sense? lol
> Just wanted to get your thoughts.......




That's totally my philosophy.

Yes, I'm an FA at heart, otherwise I wouldn't be posting here (duh!), but I've felt attraction for girls of many sizes. A larger girl will catch my attention first but that may change after talking to her and I find out she's not "right" for me.

For me, I first want to know who someone is, not what they weigh.


Dennis


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## bigsexy920 (Jun 12, 2006)

Well my recent history in dating is, from what I can tell men that date me because of my size. I do like that they enjoy my body but I don't like it to be all consuming. My ex husband married me despite my size and as he had many many qualities that I look for in a man, but I never could get over the fact that he did'nt find me sexy or all that physically appealing. 

I know I've said this before, I want a nice combination of both things.


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## Mikey (Jun 12, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> Well my recent history in dating is, from what I can tell men that date me because of my size. I do like that they enjoy my body but I don't like it to be all consuming. My ex husband married me despite my size and as he had many many qualities that I look for in a man, but I never could get over the fact that he did'nt find me sexy or all that physically appealing.
> 
> I know I've said this before, I want a nice combination of both things.



and that is what you deserve...oh and PS... you are a fine example of beauty, brains and wit!


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## bigsexy920 (Jun 12, 2006)

Mikey is really my mother.  Happy Birthday !!! 

No really he is not my mother, he is a great guy. 

Thanks Mikey.


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## Mikey (Jun 13, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> Mikey is really my mother.  Happy Birthday !!!
> 
> No really he is not my mother, he is a great guy.
> 
> Thanks Mikey.



Now go clean up your room and make your bed!

Thanks for the wishes!!

Oh and lots of folks call me Mother...but usually its followed by a word that starts with an F and ends with an er

:kiss2:


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 13, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> Of course you make sense. But you also bring up two absolute facts of life: 1) Almost all of us have a physical preference, looks and attributes that make us notice and desire, appearances that simply appeal to us. Often, first contact is made on that basis. 2) Once past that initial phase, it quickly boils down to personality, chemistry, sharing and all the other stuff that truly makes a person. With us guys of the FA persuasion, we really, really do appreciate a fat partner. That is just the way it is. So forgive us if at times we, and especially the younger ones among us, come across as a bit preoccupied. We just want to love someone who is a wonderful person who also so happens to be fat.



Good, good answer, old boy. 

Really, with young men with any preference, they're just randy little creeps. We got a truck in 11 PM last night and the unloaders are mostly guys around my age or younger. In an hour and a half of work, all I hear is non-stop sex and sexual preference talk while Lynard Skynard is blasting in my ear. How ANYONE can think about X feature being "hot" while unloading cases that weigh 100 lbs or more as well as giant pallets blows my mind. 

Something I've noticed while working around young men in person, and I think it applies to the board too, is that once that you're "cool," while they'll go out of their way to do nice things for you, the dumbest parts of their banter will continue until you lay down the rules hard but fairly. And this is why they like me better than my boss.


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## TraciJo67 (Jun 13, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> And this is why they like me better than my boss.



I'd venture a guess that your rack has something to do with that, SL


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## Sweet Tooth (Jun 13, 2006)

I won't simply reiterate all the good points that have been made here. I agree with the main ones:
-People have a right to be loved for all of their attributes;
-People have a right to get to know another person's attributes; and
-People have preferences that just "are"... neither right nor wrong.

I think, though, having spoken to some of the women here, one of the concerns is how men they've spoken with express such love and adoration just based on one's body. It makes a person distrustful after a while because one does start to think, "This is BS. He knows nothing about me other than what I look like." At first the attention is flattering. Then, it becomes disheartening and makes a person jaded. I'm not saying that this only happens to women. That's simply who I've talked to about this. I don't think there's anything wrong, either, with a person expressing their appreciation for another's body, but let's call a spade a spade and not make it about love [considering how this can be misconstrued by the other party].

The other thing I'd say is that there are a lot of single people in this world. May not feel like it at times, but there are. I believe there's a suitable [notice I didn't say "perfect" because no one really is] match - at least one, likely more - for everyone. It's just a matter of putting oneself out there, difficult as that may be after lack of "success". Simple statistics - you increase your chances if you expand your network, especially within certain demographics. I'm not an extrovert, so doing this was never easy for me either for friends or for boyfriends. But it did work. I met enough people that I could have a pick, and I didn't feel like I needed to take whomever would take me.

[Okay, so this sounds a bit conceited and probably is. That's just me.  ]


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## snuggletiger (Jun 13, 2006)

Beauty is skin deep, its character that counts.


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## Jes (Jun 13, 2006)

What about lack of attraction? If we didn't have that, we'd all be dating our siblings.


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## swordchick (Jun 17, 2006)

*This is a very difficult subject for me, because my weight (and my appetite) fluctuates a lot. Dating FAs has been a rough experience for me, because I felt that some of them only care about my fat and how much I eat. I've been a man who is a closet FA, which was the worst experience for me. I do not like anyone making comments about my fat, positive or negative. Because there are more positive thing about me, than my fat. I just want someone to like me for who I am and not my fat*.


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## Rainahblue (Jun 17, 2006)

swordchick said:


> *This is a very difficult subject for me, because my weight (and my appetite) fluctuates a lot. ...*.



I'm rather sensitive about that too. My weight fluctuates quite a bit and although I'm always plump, there's still a difference. For that reason alone, I wouldn't want someone to base their attraction to me on what I weigh. 

I definitely appreciate anyone who doesn't rely solely on the physical for what they base their attraction on. I'm more attracted to someone who makes comments about my personality, talents, or specific features other than my size. I wouldn't want someone to date me only because I'm African-American, short, or a great cook either. ​


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## AnnMarie (Jun 18, 2006)

I swear to GOD I'm going to end up on tower with a gun over this issue someday. I'm not going to rant on here about all my thoughts, but in the simplest terms.... I want a man I'm with to want my body. 

If he ONLY wants my body and he remains with me, it says far more about me than it does about him - IMO. 

I know what I'm worth in all ways, so I don't have any need to worry about their true intentions.


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## EtobicokeFA (Jun 18, 2006)

This is a question that trips up a lot of FAs. In my experience, (correct me if I am wrong) women don't like the idea of a FA because they don't think they can be really sure that the guy is attracted to her or just her fat, in the same way a thin woman with large breasts can't be sure if a guy is attracted to more than her breasts. 

To some BBW saying that you are a FA is almost like confirming these fears. And, I am pretty sure a lot of FAs got this question atleast once. "Would you still love me if I lost all this weight?"

Now while I can't answer for every FA out there, but I am not just attracted to a person body, but also to the person herself. However, using the term Fat Admirer seem to leave yourself open for person to assume you are just there for the body!


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## wtchmel (Jun 18, 2006)

I'm not doing the dating thing because i'm married, but If I was, I would definetly need the partner in question to enjoy both attributes. I'd like them to like me for me, and my fat, because yes, I do want them to want the bod. I


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## Jes (Jun 18, 2006)

wtchmel said:


> I'm not doing the dating thing because i'm married,I



why must you insist on this dichotomy?


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 18, 2006)

This is exactly why I don't like the term FA. I like the person, and not just the fat.




EtobicokeFA said:


> Now while I can't answer for every FA out there, but I am not just attracted to a person body, but also to the person herself. However, using the term Fat Admirer seem to leave yourself open for person to assume you are just there for the body!


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## Mikey (Jun 18, 2006)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> This is exactly why I don't like the term FA. I like the person, and not just the fat.



I concurr 150%. Its all about the person!!!


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## NancyGirl74 (Jun 18, 2006)

I don't mind being wanted for my bod *wink, wink*

However, I want to be loved for who I am as a person.


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## BeaBea (Jun 18, 2006)

Great thread. 

I'm an intelligent woman, I try hard to be a good partner and to take an equal share of responsibility. I'm loving, funny, sarcastic, strong minded and determined and I am fully aware that I'm quite a handful for any man to deal with. 

All of that said though, to have a partner who is aware of my all my intellectual and emotional qualities but can completely ignore them in order to rip my clothes off and treat me like a sex object is fantastic. 

I have a good brain and a great personality but I'm still a redblooded woman. I guess I'm saying I want it all - and I think I deserve it too  

Tracey xx


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## JerseyGirl07093 (Jun 18, 2006)

I'm so glad everyone likes this thread....it was my first, I'm so proud.  
Thanks for all the great replies, I'm really enjoying reading them!


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## SexxyBBW69 (Jul 4, 2006)

Mikey said:


> I concurr 150%. Its all about the person!!!


 Im thinking from looking around I may not be big enough for what some men want.. seems they are looking for bigger..... cant I be fat & maybe gain a few more pounds but still be cared for me & be big & sexy enough.....


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## SexxyBBW69 (Jul 4, 2006)

Still a Skye fan said:


> That's totally my philosophy.
> 
> Yes, I'm an FA at heart, otherwise I wouldn't be posting here (duh!), but I've felt attraction for girls of many sizes. A larger girl will catch my attention first but that may change after talking to her and I find out she's not "right" for me.
> 
> ...


 Hmmm just like I said to someone elses post...... I think most FA's admirer a bigger bbw then say someone who is a smaller bbw like 240 lbs like myself to what u said. I wouldnt be noticed at first if I stood with girls bigger than me


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## SexxyBBW69 (Jul 4, 2006)

Sweet Tooth said:


> I won't simply reiterate all the good points that have been made here. I agree with the main ones:
> -People have a right to be loved for all of their attributes;
> -People have a right to get to know another person's attributes; and
> -People have preferences that just "are"... neither right nor wrong.
> ...



I totally agree with what you wrote........ I find it hard dating, the men I would like dont like fat girls & the ones I meet I dont have much in common with or there is no attraction & im not just all about looks its what gets me when I look at someone maybe something they do or how they carry themselves that keeps me wanting more... but like I said that it is hard to find someone who likes & wants u for everything about u & thinks u are an amazing person on the outside & the person u are on the inside. I also had the ones on occasions where 1 is never enough & always looking for more


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## HassanChop (Jul 4, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> Well my recent history in dating is, from what I can tell men that date me because of my size. I do like that they enjoy my body but I don't like it to be all consuming. My ex husband married me despite my size and as he had many many qualities that I look for in a man, but I never could get over the fact that he did'nt find me sexy or all that physically appealing.
> 
> I know I've said this before, I want a nice combination of both things.




Ahh....the weekly love me for me despite my physical size thread. This is a good point however...I would love to find a woman who would enjoy spending time with a stocky, balding guy who wears glasses. Because BY spending time with me she would come to know some of my more endearing qualities....But my outside isn't super attractive, so it's a bit more difficult than being handsome. But everyone has their own personal preferences so you NEED to have the physical first before you can even get to the getting to know you part. One begats the other....please ladies understand men are hardwired for the physical attraction, let us lust after you a little...


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## Jes (Jul 5, 2006)

HassanChop said:


> Ahh....the weekly love me for me despite my physical size thread. This is a good point however...I would love to find a woman who would enjoy spending time with a stocky, balding guy who wears glasses. Because BY spending time with me she would come to know some of my more endearing qualities....But my outside isn't super attractive, so it's a bit more difficult than being handsome. But everyone has their own personal preferences so you NEED to have the physical first before you can even get to the getting to know you part. One begats the other....please ladies understand men are hardwired for the physical attraction, let us lust after you a little...


Now, looking at your profile, Hasselhof, I'm tempted to say I'd ride you around the living room like a horsey (but not after letting my aunt touch your boobies), but that wouldn't be ladylike. So, see? See?


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## Jon Blaze (Jul 5, 2006)

Good post.



I really don't think I can date someone without a complex personality. The mind is such an interesting thing to me. That's one piece of the puzzle.

As for physical attributes:

Fat= Beautiful
Thin= Beautiful

I don't believe in that completely. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, but I can't say that every girl in these groups can instantly have me on their finger. Kind of harsh I know, but I can't stand by the message that "She is fat, therefore she is beautiful," and "She is thin, therefore she is beautiful."
I can find everyone to be beautiful in their own way, but beauty and attraction are not synonymous (though they are related in some cases).

Keep in mind that I do find many women in both groups to be appealing (like 80% of the ladies on here.. Only because I estimate I haven't seen or heard about the other 20%  ).

The first thing that attracts me to someone is facial features and hair. I don't consider this a requirement.

As for the rest of the body, yes I am attracted to feminine appendages (Butts, Hips, legs, and breasts). My attraction to large women also got me to admire arms and tummies (of all sizes and shapes). These aren't requirements once again... Just superlatives. I think I can still be an animal in the **** if these aren't fufilled. Not that I would know yet  .

In Short, I look at a person holistically with a mix of physical charactersitics and personality. My preferences aren't heightened at all.
My future girlfriend/wife/fiancee can be any weight. I require a mix with personality though.

I kind of went off into a tangent about my preferences here. Sorry.


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## HassanChop (Jul 5, 2006)

Jes said:


> Now, looking at your profile, Hasselhof, I'm tempted to say I'd ride you around the living room like a horsey (but not after letting my aunt touch your boobies), but that wouldn't be ladylike. So, see? See?



Hey, name the time and place girlfriend, I'm there :shocked:   ................................your aunt touch my boobies ? ? ?


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## Vice Admiral D (Jul 5, 2006)

The physical attribute is the lure that makes you wanna get a little bit closer. But it's really the spark underneath that I think most people ultimately want. If they are looking for a committed relationship, that is!

Some of it is a function of age and/or maturity. I'm sure all of us have known people who were thought were attractive, but once we found that they were not nice people, they don't "look" as good to us. On the other side, older couples who have been together a long time talk about "being as beautiful as the day we met", which might be weird if they ripened old prunes! (Just kidding!) You can see in their eyes that kind of love that makes you so damn jealous!

On the other hand, I've known the "traditional" (or "thin") types of women who are just so kind, funny, caring, that I have felt an attraction (the exception for me). Would I prefer them larger? Once you find the deeper attraction, the answer is "no" because you wouldn't want to change them to your whim. I think true love is the willingness to change yourself to please another, but never having to, because they love you just the way you are, and vice versa. Okay, a little sappy, but I'm feeling sentimental lately!

But just dating? That's different, especially when you're younger because you are "feeling your way around" (not in the sleazy sense!) your own hormones, emotions, pressure from peers and your own awkwardness. And if you're lucky, you find out more about who you are, what you want out of life and a potential partner and that breeds the confidence not to deny yourself or that special someone the potential for a lifelong love, just because of fear.

Of course, sometimes you just wanna get it on!


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## Jes (Jul 5, 2006)

HassanChop said:


> Hey, name the time and place girlfriend, I'm there :shocked:   ................................your aunt touch my boobies ? ? ?


Hasselhof? BRING IT. I mean it. 
(and the boobies/my aunt thing....well, I'm tempted to say it makes sense, but it really doesn't. It's from elsewhere on the Dim boards, though. I'll just say that it shows how 'zany' I am, and should make you proud to know me. Especially as I paw at your picture on my monitor. Mrrowwr).


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## L2blazerman (Jul 6, 2006)

The first (and only) time I dated a bbw I believed her and I had more in common than my physical attraction to her (although she was my test to see if I truly was an FA but I do not believe I caused any malice through this) and we had a great time for a couple of months. She is the second most beautiful girl I have ever dated, next to my fiancee, and for a while it was great. But, after a time, I realized that I was dating her mostly for her physical appearance and learning her personality had taken a back seat. We just didn't gel. She was beautiful and fun and remains a friend to this day. But, I wish that I had taken the time to look inside of her before committing to something that was not right fo me.


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## HassanChop (Jul 6, 2006)

Jes said:


> Hasselhof? BRING IT. I mean it.
> (and the boobies/my aunt thing....well, I'm tempted to say it makes sense, but it really doesn't. It's from elsewhere on the Dim boards, though. I'll just say that it shows how 'zany' I am, and should make you proud to know me. Especially as I paw at your picture on my monitor. Mrrowwr).




Wow, actually glad I came back for a second look tonight..   I was going to say something like I'd turn you inside out and round and round, and make you a lot more than 'Oddly Aroused', but that wouldn't be gentlemanly I suppose. :shocked:


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## Jes (Jul 6, 2006)

L2blazerman said:


> The first (and only) time I dated a bbw I believed her and I had more in common than my physical attraction to her (although she was my test to see if I truly was an FA but I do not believe I caused any malice through this) and we had a great time for a couple of months. She is the second most beautiful girl I have ever dated, next to my fiancee, and for a while it was great. But, after a time, I realized that I was dating her mostly for her physical appearance and learning her personality had taken a back seat. We just didn't gel. She was beautiful and fun and remains a friend to this day. But, I wish that I had taken the time to look inside of her before committing to something that was not right fo me.


Not that it's my business, but remember that dating IS a process of figuring if someone is right for you. At least that's one of its many uses. And it sounds like you did it right in the case above. Hindsight is 20/20 of course, but it's not like we know, going on, how things will end up. And that's ok.

And Hasselhof? Being gentlemanly is SO overrated.... *wink*


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## Adrian (Jul 6, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> If he ONLY wants my body and he remains with me, it says far more about me than it does about him - IMO.


What an insightful statement!!




CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I don't like the term FA. I like the person, and not just the fat.


This term is for those of us who prefer a BBW/SSBBW. I found it interesting (I play with numbers), that looking back on my life and the women I dated I discovered an intersting pattern.
When I converted the woman's height into inches and divided that into their weight, you come up with a figure that is their weight per one verticle inch. Each woman I dated was heavier than her predecessor!
I simply have no physical interest in woman below say dress size 16/18 and, that is unless she is very short.




SexxyBBW69 said:


> Im thinking from looking around I may not be big enough for what some men want.. seems they are looking for bigger.....


This forum for all the various sizes for "people of size." What you sense is that this board is one place one can talk about what they want, that they are comfortable with their weight and not be criticized for feeling that way.
Dimensions started as a magazine that specialized in the SSBBW. There had been other magazines for men who loved BBWs (BUF Magazine, etc.), seldom were there SSBBWs. Dimensions did not appear to have a size limit.
One thing that caught my attention is when Conrad published that 49% of the subscribers were women!




SexxyBBW69 said:


> I think most FA's admirer a bigger bbw then say someone who is a smaller bbw like 240 lbs


It appears that size -how people define it and many people's usage of many different acronyms almost interchangebly. The original designations were defined as (the advantage of being OLD);
BBW _____ This abreviation was started by Carol Shaw, the founder of BBW Magazine. She defined a BBW as a woman who wore dress size sixteen or larger.
MS-BBW __ This designation came years later when women under size twenty-two (approximately) felt discriminated against by larger BBWs. They were consider to be large but not large enough.
SSBBW ___ This designation came from NAAFA's special interest group for women who wore a dress/blouse size "28/48" or larger. When checking retail stores and mostly catalogs, the selection markedly decreased above this size. The problem wasn't so much the manufacturers but rather the retailers who did not want to stock anything that did not sell in volumn, even though they saw a need for these items
(Thank gawd, the situation has improved. LB now sells bras with chest sizes up to "58"!!)

These were the original definitions but, knowing the english language, words and phrases 'evolve'.

Adrian


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## butch (Jul 6, 2006)

I'm not one looking to rile people up, but one thing that makes my devils advocate personality kick into high gear around this topic is the fact that, for many of the people who are uncomfortable with the idea of being loved because of their fat (thinking that love and desire should be about less tangible things, I suppose), obviously do limit their consideration of certain types of people.

For example, a lot of people believe that it is harder for two fat people to comport themselves appropriately in the bedroom, thus a fair number of fat people won't date other fat people. 

My other example is that anyone who isn't bisexual already is saying that certain bodies are non-negotiable when it comes to attraction (especially for those who do not hold a hard moral/religious conviction about bisexuality). Now many would say that certain things are impossible to do if you were with someone of the same gender, but any sex shop or IVF treatment facility or a trip to Canada or Massachusetts offers the same things available to straight couples.

I'm NOT criticizing anyone's choices (or calling anyone a hypocrite). I really just think intimacy and relationships are so valuable and so hard to do right that we shouldn't waste time figuring out if we want to be loved because we are fat or loved in spite of our fat. We're smart enough to know when we're not getting the full package, and I for one am not interested in anything less. Which means I'm always single, of course.

"I just want to be loved, is that so wrong?"


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## Dibaby35 (Jul 6, 2006)

I don't mind being loved for my fat...but it gets REALLY annoying when all the guy talks about is your fat/tummy. In my opinion if the guy can't go a whole day without talking about your fat...there's definitely a problem.


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## HassanChop (Jul 7, 2006)

Jes said:


> And Hasselhof? Being gentlemanly is SO overrated.... *wink*




Yes, it took me a while to learn that...........


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