# Fashion Police



## terpsichore (Mar 10, 2014)

so obviously fat guys are uber-hot no matter what they're wearing, but what kinds of outfits push the attraction factor over the edge for you? 

ladies, if you were dressing a guy for a date, what would he wear? and/or gentlemen, what kinds of styles make you look and feel hot? 

for casual clothes, imho there is nothing more attractive than a chubby guy in a fitted t-shirt and cargo shorts. for fancy occasions, a suit jacket and pants with a dress shirt unbuttoned at the collar and a vest. (besides the look of it, i'm a shameless tease so i like that this outfit has layers. first the jacket, then the vest, then the oxford, then an undershirt...sigh.)

on my list of what NOT to wear? neckties (idk what exactly it is that i find so ugly about ties but ugh, they just look silly, like the guy is wearing a leash or something.  if you're not wearing a necktie, you look just the right mix of dressed and disheveled, like you just came from a secret impromptu makeout session in the gardens during a lavish ball). & Oversized baggy shirts (you are gorgeous, it's not fair to your admirers to hide behind a giant shirt!) 

what about you?


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## agouderia (Mar 10, 2014)

The title of your post "Fashion Police" touched a sore point with me today.

This morning I was actually looking through the boards, reading the many interesting or funny new things that have popped up lately. Then I turned to the awesome pic thread, where indeed the pics showed nice looking guys in .... unflattering fashion disasters! :sad:

Checks too loud for a 70's hillbilly B-movie, faded vultures, Bridget-Jones-memorial-Xmas-horror-sweaters ..... 

In my frustration I started a post 'Guys, we love you ... but we need to talk about your choice of shirts..." - and then decided to be a good, polite, respectful FFA, didn't post, deleted it instead.

As you can see, this decision of politeness over fashion policing has been nagging me all day!

So in the spirit of the new snack exchange thread - will you SS/BHM around here let us play fashion police? 
Come up with outfit ideas, fashion advice and suggestions we would like to see you in?? Bring out the visual best in you? Please .....:batting:


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## biglynch (Mar 10, 2014)

Hows about I wear what ever I want and thats the end of it. Actually while im on the point his sweater made him happy, so go jump down a hole.


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## Amaranthine (Mar 10, 2014)

agouderia said:


> Checks too loud for a 70's hillbilly B-movie, faded vultures, Bridget-Jones-memorial-Xmas-horror-sweaters .....
> 
> In my frustration I started a post 'Guys, we love you ... but we need to talk about your choice of shirts..." - and then decided to be a good, polite, respectful FFA, didn't post, deleted it instead.



I find it really funny that you instead posted a description where someone could discern exactly which pictures you're talking about 

-

As someone who delights in finding bargains at thrift stores, I really can't say I'm one to care hugely about the fashion of my date. As long as they're not swimming in it, or completely squished into it (ah...at least when we're in public...) then we're good. Though, I will say that a casual t-shirt with a unbuttoned button-down is generally pretty pleasing. Just something that hugs the curves enough to let me creep shamelessly. I've put even less thought into formal-wear, because most people I've dated hated it. One did end up wearing a dress at a show we went to once


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## ODFFA (Mar 10, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Hows about I wear what ever I want and thats the end of it.



Couldn't rep you, but I would like to publicly second this motion. Wearing what looks good _to you_, conforms to your own personal sense of style and feels good ----> hotness.

Nothing personal, I understand the good intention behind this. I'd just like to raise my hand as an FFA who's thought process regarding fashion (in general and pertaining to BHMs) falls more on this ^^^ side of the fence. Though nothing should prevent/discourage a willing participant from seeking advice here.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Mar 10, 2014)

ODFFA said:


> Wearing what looks good _to you_, conforms to your own personal sense of style and feels good ----> hotness.



This. Everybody has his or her own style; once you find it, it becomes a part of you. Mine runs to Edwardian vests (the gaudier, the better) with a watch chain (and a watch), bow ties with matching pocket squares, and trousers with pleats, cuffs, and the sharpest creases I can manage. And, if I go outside, a hat. No, not a baseball cap. I have several, but the two I seem to always find myself wearing are a grey homburg (for winter) or a Panama (for summer). It's idiosyncratic, but it makes me feel good!


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## LeoGibson (Mar 10, 2014)

BL, were you the little red-faced kid stomping your feet and holding your breath when they tried to make you put in your Sunday clothes when you were a kid? 

Actually, this isn't a bad idea ladies, but I would refrain from tearing apart someone else's choices unless they asked for it. Some guys a little touchy about that kind of thing. 

For me it's cargo shorts and big comfy t-shirts and flip-flops in the summer. Jeans and either motorcycle boots or cowboy boots any other time. I do like wearing suits but few occasions. When I do, I prefer an Italian cut to any other, I like the more open and laid back style compared to say an English tailored suit. I like to pair it with a nice silk or linen shirt, open collar, I don't mind ties but prefer not wearing them. I also like to wear exotic western boots with it instead of dress shoes.


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## cinnamitch (Mar 10, 2014)

Ostrich for the boots?




LeoGibson said:


> BL, were you the little red-faced kid stomping your feet and holding your breath when they tried to make you put in your Sunday clothes when you were a kid?
> 
> Actually, this isn't a bad idea ladies, but I would refrain from tearing apart someone else's choices unless they asked for it. Some guys a little touchy about that kind of thing.
> 
> For me it's cargo shorts and big comfy t-shirts and flip-flops in the summer. Jeans and either motorcycle boots or cowboy boots any other time. I do like wearing suits but few occasions. When I do, I prefer an Italian cut to any other, I like the more open and laid back style compared to say an English tailored suit. I like to pair it with a nice silk or linen shirt, open collar, I don't mind ties but prefer not wearing them. I also like to wear exotic western boots with it instead of dress shoes.


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## terpsichore (Mar 10, 2014)

LeoGibson said:


> Actually, this isn't a bad idea ladies, but I would refrain from tearing apart someone else's choices unless they asked for it. Some guys a little touchy about that kind of thing.



i don't want to tear down anyone; that is not the intent of this thread.  imho the whole point of fashion is that it's a fun way to express yourself, and i think it's interesting what different people like and/or dislike as far as style.
if you think that asking people about their fashion pet peeves is too negative, then nevermind that and let's just focus on the positives and on what you DO like. 

BL of course i agree you should wear whatever you like! i just asked everyone, what is it that you like? to be honest i don't exactly know what i said that made you angry, but if i have offended you or anyone else, I sincerely apologize.


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## LeoGibson (Mar 10, 2014)

cinnamitch said:


> Ostrich for the boots?



My black ones are. I have a really nice pair of Cognac colored eel skin too. I would like to get a pair of chocolate Caiman alligator when I have a chance to round out my boots. Of course I have the regular cow, bull, and kid skin ropers for regular wear.


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## cinnamitch (Mar 10, 2014)

Aaah, A true Texan. We do love our boots.



LeoGibson said:


> My black ones are. I have a really nice pair of Cognac colored eel skin too. I would like to get a pair of chocolate Caiman alligator when I have a chance to round out my boots. Of course I have the regular cow, bull, and kid skin ropers for regular wear.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 10, 2014)

Depends on what we will be doing....

Personally I like guys in jeans and a button down with a jacket if we are going to dinner at a nice place. (I find a man dressed this way very sexy)

If we are going to a game, I would expect him to be in jeans and some kind of jersey.

If we are just hanging around the house.. he better be in boxer shorts and a tshirt...

As to foot wear,

If you are wearing sneakers, then they better look like you just brought them and took them out of the box.

But to each his own. I have been known to go to places were the other person will be comfortable according to how he is already dressed. 

There are some fights worth fighting, there are some that is best to let go.

*THE ONE THING I DO NOT LIKE IS MEN WEARING PANTS THAT HANG OFF THEIR ASS!!!!!* That is just plain disrespectful.


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## Mordecai (Mar 11, 2014)

No one is taking my bunny ears away from me, gosh darn it!


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## tankyguy (Mar 11, 2014)

Model outfits for attractive women? I'd gladly go shopping with any FFAs looking to play image consultant. /can-do

Even to places that aren't my usual Army surplus stores.


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## loopytheone (Mar 11, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Hows about I wear what ever I want and thats the end of it. Actually while im on the point his sweater made him happy, so go jump down a hole.





ODFFA said:


> Couldn't rep you, but I would like to publicly second this motion. Wearing what looks good _to you_, conforms to your own personal sense of style and feels good ----> hotness.



This, exactly. I don't know why exactly a bunch of stuck up people who think they know better than everyone else have the right to go around criticizing what other people are wearing and telling them that they are wearing the wrong thing. It isn't the place of anybody to go around telling other people what they should and shouldn't wear and if somebody did it to me they would leave with a black eye. _Incredibly_ rude to go around bashing somebody else's fashion choices when they didn't ask for your opinion, especially doing so in behind their back like this. 



terpsichore said:


> BL of course i agree you should wear whatever you like! i just asked everyone, what is it that you like? *to be honest i don't exactly know what i said that made you angry,* but if i have offended you or anyone else, I sincerely apologize.



Well read what I put above and you will find out. You started this thread by publicly criticizing the clothing choices of the people who are brave enough to post pictures on this forum without their permission or asking you to do it and you did so behind their back on another thread. How would you like it if I looked at pictures you posted on this forum and then started a thread called 'FFA fashion disasters', described your outfit and said how horrible I thought it was? Huge lack of respect here. The BHM on this forum are human beings not your personal wank fodder.


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## Paquito (Mar 11, 2014)

So I have no problem talking about fashion and fashion disasters and such, but I'm kind of conflicted when it comes to judging fat fashion because of problems with access. Finding clothes when you're fat is difficult enough, but finding _fashionable_ clothes when fat? Good luck. Personally, I would love to overhaul my wardrobe and fill it with some of the trendy, affordable wear that smaller guys can get. But my personal style is informed more by what I can fit in and afford than my tastes in clothing. So could a hypothetical fat guy be wearing a shirt that's two sizes too big on purpose? Sure. But I think it's just as likely that he's just throwing on whatever he can find that fits, no matter how poor that fit is.

Plus, taste is very subjective. I try not to force my own style on others. Even if the idea of wearing a suit makes me itch.


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## biglynch (Mar 11, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> BL of course i agree you should wear whatever you like! i just asked everyone, what is it that you like? to be honest i don't exactly know what i said that made you angry, but if i have offended you or anyone else, I sincerely apologize.



No issues with you, I should have quoted agouderias offering. Let me clear myself up on this. Anyone who knows me know a I will always go for the insane and odd shirts, bright colours and retro cuts because I like it and I refuse to be Mr grey, just because I'm a fatass. Regardless of what others think I feel I dress well. Anyways I encourage people to use this thread positively and if you want ideas go nuts. I would advise http://www.jacamo.co.uk is a good place to look for us UK based peeps.

LG, I was captain hand me down mccharity shop as a kid. I threw plenty of strops.


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## ODFFA (Mar 11, 2014)

Actually, terpsichore, I think you started this thread off on quite a positive note and I have no doubt as to your intention (not my favourite thread title, but that's really neither here nor there). Especially since the individuality of style has been recognised, I see no reason why we can't have very interesting, constructive exchanges here about how we perceive style, etc :happy:

You asked some great discussion questions. I'll share my take on them :>

I'm not sure I'd ever really.... dress a guy for a date or anything else. What I will tend to do with someone I'm dating is make a big deal about any outfit that particularly strikes my fancy. That way, if he does feel motivated to wear/buy that kind of thing even more (since it's already something he gravitated towards himself), win-win! 

I myself am a huge fan of button-down shirts too. A bit of smart casual, I guess. And I do prefer them untucked and.... buttoned up. Don't know, I just have a thing for it. That's the one melt-worthy thing that stands out, but there are so many other ways of dressing I'd go weak at the knees for.

There are honestly very few no-nos to me. If I happen to fall in love with T-Shirt Guy, it'll mean there's an attraction and it wouldn't make a difference to me at all if he never wore a button-down.


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## terpsichore (Mar 11, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> Well read what I put above and you will find out. You started this thread by publicly criticizing the clothing choices of the people who are brave enough to post pictures on this forum without their permission or asking you to do it and you did so behind their back on another thread.



are you sure you're referring to my post, and not the one below it? because the only thing i said that could be considered negative is that i don't like ties or shirts that are purposely too big. and so what? if a guy loves ties and/or baggy shirts more power to him!

I don't think for a second that anyone should change what they wear based on someone else's opinion. like i said, i started this thread because i think it's interesting to see different people's tastes and styles. now of course i'm sorry i did.

the title meant to be a rip off of the TV show of the same name. i would gladly change it if that's what is causing offense, except this board apparently doesn't allow edits after a certain point time-wise.


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## tankyguy (Mar 11, 2014)

ODFFA said:


> I myself am a huge fan of button-down shirts too. A bit of smart casual, I guess. And I do prefer them untucked and.... buttoned down. Don't know, I just have a thing for it. That's the one melt-worthy thing that stands out, but there are so many other ways of dressing I'd go weak at the knees for.



This illustrates the tricky nature of fashion do's and don'ts.
There's probably an equal number of women who _hate_ untucked shirts. You try to cater to some, you lose others.


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## terpsichore (Mar 11, 2014)

Mordecai said:


> No one is taking my bunny ears away from me, gosh darn it!



no one would dream of it! i was only suggesting a diamond-studded pair for special occasions.


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## Esther (Mar 11, 2014)

I feel like a lot of threads on this board get ruined by butthurt and over-reacting.


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## Esther (Mar 11, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> Well read what I put above and you will find out. You started this thread by publicly criticizing the clothing choices of the people who are brave enough to post pictures on this forum without their permission or asking you to do it and you did so behind their back on another thread. How would you like it if I looked at pictures you posted on this forum and then started a thread called 'FFA fashion disasters', described your outfit and said how horrible I thought it was? Huge lack of respect here. The BHM on this forum are human beings not your personal wank fodder.



The OP did not say anything like this.


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## terpsichore (Mar 11, 2014)

tankyguy said:


> This illustrates the tricky nature of fashion do's and don'ts.
> There's probably an equal number of women who _hate_ untucked shirts. You try to cater to some, you lose others.



exactly.  except you don't really lose anyone, because i don't think clothing choices are a deal-breaker for most people.  i find that fashion pet peeves become quirkily charming when someone i like is wearing them. 

(someone asked 'what about FFA fashion disasters?' that's easy. ugg boots.  apparently. every guy i know thinks they're hideous; i think they're adorable!)


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## agouderia (Mar 11, 2014)

On the BHM board, you can say whatever you want, out yourself as a heathen, serial-killer, alien-zombie ... whatever .... you'll find tolerance.

If you're intent on being tarred-&-feathered though, go ahead and start a critical debate about .... fashion....



Amaranthine said:


> I find it really funny that you instead posted a description where someone could discern exactly which pictures you're talking about



The problem with all shock images, they're imprinted on your retina and take a while longer to go away......



biglynch said:


> Hows about I wear what ever I want and thats the end of it.



That's actually totally fine because you in essence know how to do it.

You've posted some great fashion pics of yourself, like playing on the English country squire theme or that of the art mobster, which brought out the best in your phenotype and conveyed a distinct, interesting and flattering sense of personal style. 

Only lately I'm worried .... have you caught that nasty virus that makes men lose their style sense...? 



terpsichore said:


> i don't want to tear down anyone; that is not the intent of this thread.  imho the whole point of fashion is that it's a fun way to express yourself, and i think it's interesting what different people like and/or dislike as far as style.
> if you think that asking people about their fashion pet peeves is too negative, then nevermind that and let's just focus on the positives and on what you DO like.



This is the point.
It's not about conforming to polka dots this season, stripes next year and wearing what's in every fashion magazine.
It's about finding a way to express through dress as who you want to be perceived in the social context.

Fashion or better dress is an established social code, a non-verbal form of sending signals - just like language is a verbal one. Denying the importance of dress or not using it doesn't make the code go away - it just shows you don't/refuse to speak it.
Dress/appearance even are social codes that are based in biology - to convey background, power, status, mating chances. Like the most colorful male bird get's the female with the thickest breast feathers....

Rejecting the code doesn't make anybody a better, morally superior person - just as using the code doesn't per se turn someone into a superficial twat.

Women from early on are conditioned much more strongly to accept, use - and sometimes abuse - the social code of dress. For men it is less so, and BHM especially seem to have received the message the code doesn't apply to them. That's wrong though, because the dress of many BHM may not be sending the code signals they really want the others to receive about them.

As with every code, like in a language, there are conventions as to meaning and interpretation.
If you appear at a function as a BHM in baggy pants and non-matching wrinkled t-shirt, the message 98% of all people will receive is not: _'Oh a BHM with a beautiful mind and a shining soul, both too precious to waste time and thought on dress.' _
The 98% will interpret it more in the line of: _'Ehh, a fat guy who didn't make the effort ..."_ - often (unjustifiably) extending this perception to the person as such. Codes in social interaction have the function of simplifying, making it easier to immediately assess and categorize situations. (Our stone age heritage, to be able to instantly figure out whether that furry thing behind the next rock is a rabbit or a sabre-tooth tiger....)

Scorning social conventions on code interpretation doesn't make them go away. Like if an English speaker says: 'Me go in room with bed now to eyes close' nobody will assume this person is the next Shakespeare in the making.

So finding a personal sense of dress to become the master of the coded messages he conveys, how he wants his environment to receive them is imo in a BHM's basic self-interest.

There's a whole thread on another board with BHMs moaning they don't get positive attention from BBWs when they attend events in jeans & t-shirts.
That says more about the jeans&t-shirts than the BBWs!





Paquito said:


> So I have no problem talking about fashion and fashion disasters and such, but I'm kind of conflicted when it comes to judging fat fashion because of problems with access. Finding clothes when you're fat is difficult enough, but finding _fashionable_ clothes when fat? Good luck. Personally, I would love to overhaul my wardrobe and fill it with some of the trendy, affordable wear that smaller guys can get. But my personal style is informed more by what I can fit in and afford than my tastes in clothing. So could a hypothetical fat guy be wearing a shirt that's two sizes too big on purpose? Sure. But I think it's just as likely that he's just throwing on whatever he can find that fits, no matter how poor that fit is.
> 
> Plus, taste is very subjective. I try not to force my own style on others. Even if the idea of wearing a suit makes me itch.



Yes, apart from the not learning early part BHMs are thrown a much worse deal than BBWs are by now as far as availability and pricing for clothing goes.

It asks for a lot more dedication, patience, overcoming frustration and unfortunately also money. 
Being creative - like for instance asking to be consider as a model in a local tailoring/textile design school, etc. - becomes a necessity.

As far as taste and style goes, there's a huge range of options which will work for the BHM in his individual setting. It's about finding something that fits, makes the best of the individual shape, high lights skin, eyes, hair, makes you feel your best when facing the world. 

It's also not about imposing personal preferences on anyone - different things work for different people. 
A SS/BHM friend of mine for instance has no backside, very thin legs and a wonderfully blubbery upper torso & belly. His style is one I normally, theoretically don't care for at all: He always wears really skinny pants with boots, a dark sports coat to make the shoulders look broad and camouflage the missing backside and great shirts in all shades of blue (to match his great eyes) in dainty, eclectic patterns, actually emphasizing the belly. 
But he looks totally cool like this and has a great presence.

It just makes me sad and frustrates me if I see many BHMs IRL and here on the board whom I know to be intelligent, interesting, funny, creative people - but who are simply cutting themselves short by conveying the opposite visual message.


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## loopytheone (Mar 11, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> are you sure you're referring to my post, and not the one below it? because the only thing i said that could be considered negative is that i don't like ties or shirts that are purposely too big. and so what? if a guy loves ties and/or baggy shirts more power to him!
> 
> I don't think for a second that anyone should change what they wear based on someone else's opinion. like i said, i started this thread because i think it's interesting to see different people's tastes and styles. now of course i'm sorry i did.
> 
> the title meant to be a rip off of the TV show of the same name. i would gladly change it if that's what is causing offense, except this board apparently doesn't allow edits after a certain point time-wise.



Yes, I did mean to quote the post below you. *shrivels up into a hole and dies* Sorry for that love. x



Esther said:


> I feel like a lot of threads on this board get ruined by butthurt and over-reacting.





Esther said:


> The OP did not say anything like this.



Yeah, I quoted the wrong person. I am sorry for that but it happens. And also just because I have a strong opinion about something doesn't mean that I am 'butthurt' or 'over reacting'. I have a strong opinion and I stated it. I am a passionate person and if that offends people then so be it.


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## Esther (Mar 11, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> Yeah, I quoted the wrong person. I am sorry for that but it happens. And also just because I have a strong opinion about something doesn't mean that I am 'butthurt' or 'over reacting'. *I have a strong opinion and I stated it. I am a passionate person and if that offends people then so be it.*




Hm. 
So everyone else should just deal with your opinion when you flip out and berate people over THEIR opinion.


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## loopytheone (Mar 11, 2014)

Esther said:


> Hm.
> So everyone else should just deal with your opinion when you flip out and berate people over THEIR opinion.



I don't see how I 'flipped out'. And it wasn't their opinion I was 'berating', it was the fact that they went an slagged off a load of pictures of people without their permission. If I went on the main board and started a thread where I went through the pictures that the BBW put on the 'pictures of you living' thread and described each one I didn't like and called them fashion disasters and said that they shouldn't wear that, there would be uproar. I don't see why it is okay to do that to the men that post here just because they are men and we are women.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 11, 2014)

Loopy, I agree with what you say that no one has the right to tell anyone how to dress. 

That being said, I fully expect my friends to tell me if I am wearing something that makes me look shitty. If I can't depend on my friends to tell me, hey, that is nice but it doesn't work on you, then who can I depend on? I am not saying that a stranger should take this route because then yes, they would get a black eye and a broken lip and a few other broken things, but I depend on my friends to say.. "Don't even think about wearing that"


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## loopytheone (Mar 11, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> Loopy, I agree with what you say that no one has the right to tell anyone how to dress.
> 
> That being said, I fully expect my friends to tell me if I am wearing something that makes me look shitty. If I can't depend on my friends to tell me, hey, that is nice but it doesn't work on you, then who can I depend on? I am not saying that a stranger should take this route because then yes, they would get a black eye and a broken lip and a few other broken things, but I depend on my friends to say.. "Don't even think about wearing that"



Yeah, I agree with that, I don't have a problem with friends or my family saying something does suit me and if they ask for my opinion I will give them an honest answer. I am usually the person that gets dragged along shopping for that reason, because I always tell the truth!


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 11, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> Yeah, I agree with that, I don't have a problem with friends or my family saying something does suit me and if they ask for my opinion I will give them an honest answer. I am usually the person that gets dragged along shopping for that reason, because I always tell the truth!



that is better than my friend. I walk around the store picking up clothes.. and she walks behind me snatching it out and saying.. nope.. yes, but wrong size.. she is a clothes "soup guy"--No Clothes for you!


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## terpsichore (Mar 11, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> Yes, I did mean to quote the post below you. *shrivels up into a hole and dies* Sorry for that love. x



no problem. i was just really confused for a minute. 

still, i apologize for not realizing that some things just don't translate when the only communication input is written word. 

like my comment about not wearing baggy shirts because then people can't admire the delightful curves underneath it...in real life there would be tone of voice, vocal inflection, and facial expression that would make it clear that comments like that are tongue in cheek/silly/teasing/flirtatious and NOT at all reflecting a belief that people should be objectified or actually make their clothing choices based on random strangers' pleasure. 

on an internet forum however, it's just written words on a page (which studies have shown the actual content/words used only makes up 7% of a perceived message) and people are left to infer the other 93% which can obviously lead to mis-understandings. :/ I do apologize for not considering that when making my original post.

edited to add, lest anyone think i'm advocating being a designer snob- i am currently wearing a my little pony shirt.


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## terpsichore (Mar 11, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> No Clothes for you!



when it comes to attractive guys, this is probably the best fashion advice!


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## terpsichore (Mar 11, 2014)

tankyguy said:


> Model outfits for attractive women? I'd gladly go shopping with any FFAs looking to play image consultant. /can-do
> 
> *Even to places that aren't my usual Army surplus stores.*



i can picture that being a really good look actually! cargo pants + combat boots + military-esque jacket + a basic t-shirt + your gorgeous self = a fashion DO! it says powerful in an effortless rugged way.


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## MrSensible (Mar 11, 2014)

agouderia said:


> On the BHM board, you can say whatever you want, out yourself as a heathen, serial-killer, alien-zombie ... whatever .... you'll find tolerance.
> 
> If you're intent on being tarred-&-feathered though, go ahead and start a critical debate about .... fashion....
> 
> ...



Honestly, the amount of importance that you place on "fashion" is baffling to me. I dress the way I like to dress (typically in plain-colored button down shirts and a pair of khakis) and although it's not fancy in the least, I feel content with how I look and have never received any complaints. Despite dressing kind of conservatively myself, I not only respect people that dress less "conventionally" than I do, but I admire it, because it illustrates someone that is comfortable enough with themselves to do what makes them happy -- rather than following some tired standard that you seem to be implying is necessary as some "end all, be all" measure of success. I also think of it as a great way to show creativity and character and I enjoy seeing the different styles people put together, even if it's not necessarily a style that I would like for myself.

I'm really, really trying not to be offensive here, but I'm honestly grateful that most of the women (and men) that I've met in my life don't seem to agree with most of what you've said here; at least not to the same overly-critical extent. Myself included. Yes, obviously codes like those you're referring to exist within our varying cultural circles, but why should someone follow them if it doesn't feel right to them personally? So they can attract a mate that puts way too much importance into something arguably trivial to many of us? Someone that they are more than likely not going to see eye-to-eye with anyway? 

I think wearing what you want and owning it says far more about someone than their effort to conform to what they've been told is expected of them. I say to hell with these conventions, go with what feels right. (All just my opinion, of course.)

Ahem, anyway, sorry for the de-rail; I don't want to ruin the fun. The thread itself doesn't seem like a bad idea at all, just as long as we refrain from attacking people about the fashion that they enjoy. Variety is the spice of life, as they say.


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## Amaranthine (Mar 11, 2014)

The weirdest threads here end up getting dramatic. I mean, I see how it happened. But...still. 

To make things easier: Gentlemen, just refrain from clothing from now on. And post in the picture threads, just so we can make sure it works for you. 

Unless: Like tankyguy said, you're cool with shopping excursion dates and don't mind a little risk when it comes to the dressing rooms


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## agouderia (Mar 11, 2014)

MrSensible said:


> Honestly, the amount of importance that you place on "fashion" is baffling to me. I dress the way I like to dress (typically in plain-colored button down shirts and a pair of khakis) and although it's not fancy in the least, I feel content with how I look and have never received any complaints. Despite dressing kind of conservatively myself, I not only respect people that dress less "conventionally" than I do, but I admire it, because it illustrates someone that is comfortable enough with themselves to do what makes them happy -- rather than following some tired standard that you seem to be implying is necessary as some "end all, be all" measure of success. I also think of it as a great way to show creativity and character and I enjoy seeing the different styles people put together, even if it's not necessarily a style that I would like for myself.
> 
> I'm really, really trying not to be offensive here, but I'm honestly grateful that most of the women (and men) that I've met in my life don't seem to agree with most of what you've said here; at least not to the same overly-critical extent. Myself included. Yes, obviously codes like those you're referring to exist within our varying cultural circles, but why should someone follow them if it doesn't feel right to them personally? So they can attract a mate that puts way too much importance into something arguably trivial to many of us? Someone that they are more than likely not going to see eye-to-eye with anyway?
> 
> I think wearing what you want and owning it says far more about someone than their effort to conform to what they've been told is expected of them. I say to hell with these conventions, go with what feels right. (All just my opinion, of course.)



I'm sorry - you totally misunderstood what I wrote!

It's stupid to have to quote oneself, but I explicitly wrote that it is not about conforming to what fashion magazines say.

It's about developing an individual sense of dress that you feel comfortable with and that sends the - explicit and implicit - message you want to convey about yourself to your personal environment. 

You seem to have acheived that and get the 'non-reactions' you describe - which are in reality positive responses, because they show your personal environment accepts you in your attire.

Everyone you meet in a milli-second automatically comes up with an assessment of the way you look - just as you do with everyone you meet. Dress/attire is only one part of the information you take in during that milli-second, it's also about mood, state of health, origin if it's someone new, etc. etc. 
Most of this process happens subconsciously, but that's the way we're wired. Instinctively assess and categorize people whether they belong to our 'group' in the widest sense, could be a potential ally or foe.

None of this is about moral judgement! 
They're anthropological patterns that run automatically, they only surface to our conscious level when they happen to contain some information that stands out, might be of importance to us.

Just because the BHM/FFA considers 'fashion' and 'dress' to be dirty words doesn't mean this self-imposed taboo will overrule basic anthropology!


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## agouderia (Mar 11, 2014)

Amaranthine said:


> The weirdest threads here end up getting dramatic. I mean, I see how it happened. But...still.



Yeah .... had to realize the hard way that 'fashion' is the dirtiest of all words on the BHM/FFA board.

Will refrain from using it in the future and act out my interest in fashion and dress history somewhere else ..... :goodbye:


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 11, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> when it comes to attractive guys, this is probably the best fashion advice!



I think I like your post better than my original post!


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## loopytheone (Mar 11, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> when it comes to attractive guys, this is probably the best fashion advice!





Amaranthine said:


> To make things easier: Gentlemen, just refrain from clothing from now on. And post in the picture threads, just so we can make sure it works for you.
> 
> Unless: Like tankyguy said, you're cool with shopping excursion dates and don't mind a little risk when it comes to the dressing rooms



Hahaha, I agree with this! I know my fiance spends most of his time just in his boxers and that is one seriously fashionable look! :smitten:


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 11, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> no problem. i was just really confused for a minute.
> 
> still, i apologize for not realizing that some things just don't translate when the only communication input is written word.
> 
> ...



Hey! Don't knock MLP.. I loved MLP!!!!!!!!!! Gosh I was such a girly girl.... thank goodness i grew out of that.


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## MrSensible (Mar 11, 2014)

agouderia said:


> I'm sorry - you totally misunderstood what I wrote!
> 
> It's stupid to have to quote oneself, but I explicitly wrote that it is not about conforming to what fashion magazines say.
> 
> ...



I'm not going to argue the psychology behind it because I'm really not qualified. The main issue I had here was with the post berating someone (or multiple people, it's hard to tell) by saying what they were wearing was a "fashion disaster" simply because you don't care for it. Fashion is subjective. If a guy wants to wear a sweater or baggy pants, why shouldn't he? Same for women. My only point here is that people should wear what they want, and whether you care for the style or not, you should try to respect that, rather than hurling indirect insults at them about it.

As far as my own style goes, I dress the way I dress because I honestly don't put that much thought into fashion. I buy what's easily available to me and practical for my size. That doesn't mean I'm against wearing a Children of Bodom T and a pair of baggy cargo pants when the mood strikes me. I just really don't care that much either way most of the time. I'm not going argue that there are people that put a ton of importance into it, I'm just not one of them and I personally don't understand it. I'll gladly start and pursue a relationship with anyone, regardless of their stylistic choices, as long we hit it off where it truly counts.


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## Amaranthine (Mar 11, 2014)

agouderia said:


> Yeah .... had to realize the hard way that 'fashion' is the dirtiest of all words on the BHM/FFA board.
> 
> Will refrain from using it in the future and act out my interest in fashion and dress history somewhere else ..... :goodbye:



See, discussing fashion isn't the problem. Actually, I love that you're posting more on our board, and enjoy hearing more about the person who writes such lovely stories. You have interesting and insightful opinions on a lot of things. 

And I do think we're a very tolerant and accepting board. But, here's the thing. Maybe, you know, phrases like "70s hillbilly B-Movie" and "X-mas nightmare" don't really seem all that tolerant. If those comments were posted on the anonymous comments thread, I'm pretty sure I would have had to weed them out, because they're just rather...mean-spirited. So feel free to discuss fashion! But...try to avoid blatantly insulting people?


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 11, 2014)

Couldn't agree with Paco more. You took exactly what I was thinking and put it into words that would probably have never come out of my mouth. 

If I've lost any weight in the past it's been specifically for clothes. Not that I couldn't find clothes that fit before, but I couldn't find clothes that fit that I WANTED to wear. I love what I wear and I'm happy when I do. I wear jeans a graphic tees, but also love my slacks and ties.


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## loopytheone (Mar 11, 2014)

I have to say that I am not into fashion at all, for guys or girls. I prefer to dress casual but as far as other people are concerned you look best in what you are comfortable in. I can't think of a time I have seen a BHM and thought that they should dress better or different, it just doesn't register on my radar at all. 

That said, I prefer guys that look laid back rather than those who seem to put a ridiculous amount of time into their appearance. I am not someone that cares about my appearance so much so I think I would find it annoying if my guy spent hours getting dressed and fussing over outfits!

If you want to impress me come by my house wearing nothing but boxers, a bowtie and kitty ears. :wubu:


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 11, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> I have to say that I am not into fashion at all, for guys or girls. I prefer to dress casual but as far as other people are concerned you look best in what you are comfortable in. I can't think of a time I have seen a BHM and thought that they should dress better or different, it just doesn't register on my radar at all.
> 
> That said, I prefer guys that look laid back rather than those who seem to put a ridiculous amount of time into their appearance. I am not someone that cares about my appearance so much so I think I would find it annoying if my guy spent hours getting dressed and fussing over outfits!
> 
> If you want to impress me come by my house wearing nothing but boxers, a bowtie and kitty ears. :wubu:



Just going to throw this out there, putting on a nice cardigan with some chinos and an oxford shirt does not take hours, literally minutes. 

I also think there's a difference between not caring what someone wears, and not noticing when someone puts in an extra minute of effort? I mean, if your fiance wore his boxers and kitty ears I'm sure that would flood your basement, (as you've said it does.) But if he wore a cardigan and some cords with an oxford (even if it doesn't suit his style) I'm sure you'd notice that he spent a couple minutes picking out something "nice," as opposed to said kitty ears or even jeans and a t-shirt.

Not to say he would look better in "nice" clothes, but I'm sure you can at least admit you know what "nice" clothing is or at least what it looks like.


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## terpsichore (Mar 11, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> If you want to impress me come by my house wearing nothing but boxers, a bowtie and kitty ears. :wubu:



i can't say i've ever thought about that particular combination before, but now that you put the mental image in my head of a hot guy in kitty ears and boxers...wow. this needs to happen. :smitten: 

there was one guy i dated (one of those rare exceptions who were rather slender  ) , a singer who captured my attention by wearing skirts to rehearsal. very nonchalantly and casually, a plain knee-length H&M-type khaki/cargo skirt with a t-shirt and/or hoodie and flip flops. i didn't know i had a thing for guys in manskirts until then.


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## Mordecai (Mar 11, 2014)

My new outfit is pretty fly.


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## agouderia (Mar 11, 2014)

Amaranthine said:


> And I do think we're a very tolerant and accepting board. But, here's the thing. Maybe, you know, phrases like "70s hillbilly B-Movie" and "X-mas nightmare" don't really seem all that tolerant. If those comments were posted on the anonymous comments thread, I'm pretty sure I would have had to weed them out, because they're just rather...mean-spirited. So feel free to discuss fashion! But...try to avoid blatantly insulting people?



I'm sincerely sorry if anything I wrote in the fashion context would actually come across as mean-spirited.
Nothing was farther from my intention.

My descriptions where intended as a slightly cartoonish exaggeration, a bit flippant as you can actually read them in many popular fashion critiques (I've done several content analysis' in the field in different countries, so I know what the writing is like). 

So it seems I completely underestimated how far apart these different communicative worlds are and how different the mind-set is.

Since discontent, insecurity and frustration with dress issues is voiced here and there on the BHM board, I had hoped/expected that maybe in this rather closed and protected forum there would be room and willingness for some constructive and also fun counselling and experimenting.

I was surprised and taken aback by the how radically the mantra of 'dress doesn't matter, just be comfortable, nobody cares, fashion is superficial evil' is churned through.
Anybody who has ventured into the real working world, especially white-collar and outside of academia/non-profit knows that's a delusion. 
Books there are judged first by the cover, only then does content and substance get a chance. And a fat book needs an even better cover to get that chance; that's unfortunately a fact.

Bottom-line is I've come to understand that here everyone is more comfortable with this alternate reality bubble, so I'll respect that and keep out of these issues from now on.


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## Mordecai (Mar 11, 2014)

It depends on the company. Some, especially in the tech sector, have no dress code. In fact, dressing up consistently is looked on with some suspicion, but that has much to do with some of the social norms of those involved.

I do agree that a large swath of the working world does fall in line with what you are stating. This is definitely a sore spot with some people, probably due to the messages of fat folks don't care about their looks, stereotypes, and being judged on their appearance by someone who is thinner and has more access to stylish clothing.

Personally, having watched a few of those fashion tv shows where they make the similar, over the top comments on outfits... I find that sort of hyperbole fun within established context. From what I'm gathering, this entire hullabaloo was caused by misunderstood intent, communication of what can be a sensitive issue.

I'm cool with whatever, but, yo, I can't help but think a step back and a few more moments away from the posts will help. I don't like seeing someone feeling that they're unable to voice their thoughts and hope that agouderia will feel comfortable doing so sooner as opposed to later.


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## Amaranthine (Mar 11, 2014)

Mordecai said:


> I'm cool with whatever, but, yo, I can't help but think a step back and a few more moments away from the posts will help. I don't like seeing someone feeling that they're unable to voice their thoughts and hope that agouderia will feel comfortable doing so sooner as opposed to later.



I couldn't agree more. 

Let's focus on this outfit of yours instead. Spectacular. A fitting model for the rest of the board, though if anyone wanted to zoom out a bit more, I don't think we'd complain. 


On the topic of more formal clothing - did anyone have to deal with uniforms in school? Like...I went to both a religious elementary & high school. And I remember distinctly in high school, the authority being SO strict about it because they wanted to foster a sense of pride in appearance and professionalism, and whatever else. 

What's the result? I pretty much wear (the classiest possible, mind you) sweatpants/a sweatshirt to lab, and avoid taking my coat off so I can hide the fact that I felt like being as lazy as possible. I really don't think it could have backfired more.


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## Saoirse (Mar 11, 2014)

Esther said:


> I feel like a lot of threads on this board get ruined by butthurt and over-reacting.



yea. people really need to take the stick out' there butts and stop being so damn sensitive!


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## Saoirse (Mar 11, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> I don't see how I 'flipped out'. And it wasn't their opinion I was 'berating', it was the fact that they went an slagged off a load of pictures of people without their permission. If I went on the main board and started a thread where I went through the pictures that the BBW put on the 'pictures of you living' thread and described each one I didn't like and called them fashion disasters and said that they shouldn't wear that, there would be uproar. I don't see why it is okay to do that to the men that post here just because they are men and we are women.



you flip out a lot with your opinions.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 11, 2014)

Amaranthine said:


> I couldn't agree more.
> 
> Let's focus on this outfit of yours instead. Spectacular. A fitting model for the rest of the board, though if anyone wanted to zoom out a bit more, I don't think we'd complain.
> 
> ...



I went to public school, but my parents are religious. I was in church alot so I had to dress up. I hate dressing up. It is probably the reason why I hate skirts and dresses. However, that being said, I dress up when I need to. I wear my cute dressed or skirts.. or tight jeans and revealing top when I go out to the club, because I want to be noticed. I want people to say she looks nice, with the inevitable (even for a big girl).

Don't get me wrong, I love my sweats. I wear sweats around the house all weekend and I wear them out to run errands. I do not wear them to go to lunch or dinner or brunch with friends. There are things you have to dress up for.. it is part of life.


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## Paquito (Mar 11, 2014)

It's funny, because I think Leo addressed any concerns with this kind of thread immediately:


LeoGibson said:


> Actually, this isn't a bad idea ladies, but I would refrain from tearing apart someone else's choices unless they asked for it. Some guys a little touchy about that kind of thing.



I think (and if I'm putting words in anyone's mouth, I'm sorry) that the reason why some people posted defensively in this thread was that the topic was approached poorly. Posters immediately started attacking people's fashion choices without consent. That's just going to leave a bad taste in some people's mouths. Especially because fat people are constantly being judged for their appearance, _and _it's coming from people who supposedly "admire" you. It just seems to have created a weird dynamic. But that's just my interpretation.

But I don't think this thread is necessarily a bad idea. A bit of constructive criticism (read: constructive criticism, NOT judgment) can't hurt.


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## Saoirse (Mar 11, 2014)

Perhaps there would be less butthurt if people talked about what they LIKED, not specifically what makes them hurl.


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## Goreki (Mar 12, 2014)

Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable as long as it's clean. How am I supposed to avoid douches wearing Ed Harvey and those ridiculous "OBEY" shirts if I give them hints about camouflage in here?


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## Tad (Mar 12, 2014)

A 'few' thoughts, somewhat randomly thrown together into one post. In other words: GIANT WALL OF TEXT INCOMING, RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!

First, here is my take on the justification for big people being militantly anti-fashion.

Most of the fashion industry conveys the message that if you are at all fat, you’ve already lost the fashion game. Therefore to make it look like you are trying to play that game, if you are fat, can seem foolish; not only can you never win, you can also make yourself look too clueless to know that you can’t win. Like being the uncoordinated kid trying out for the school basketball team. Bad enough to lose, worse to look foolish. So the safest bet then is to avoid the game as much as possible, right? And that means making it clear to all and sundry that you are not playing that game

An extension of that would be that you should never try to get involved with anyone—romantically or even as friends—who expects you to play that game, because on top of all of the above you also end being a disappointment to them, for either not playing or playing and looking the foolish loser. This would argue that you should actually advertise your anti-fashion status all the more strongly in social situations where you might hope to make friends or even a romantic partner. You might miss out on starting something, but in the long run it is safest to only connect with people who can accept you at your most anti-fashion state. Or to put it another way, you aren’t dressing to impress, you are dressing to weed out anyone who would ever expect you to dress to impress.

Second….on the other hand, what Agouderia said about how we present ourselves being a powerful unspoken language is totally true in my experience. This was driven home to me while I was working at my first job, where the dress code was shirt and tie for men, with suits if a customer was visiting. On hot summer days if I was going to walk or bike home, I’d often bring t-shirt and shorts to change into after work. There was a mall somewhat on my way home, that I’d often stop at, to shop for myself, for gifts for my girlfriend, to pick up a cable for my stereo, to grab a sandwich…all sorts of things. The way I was treated varied very much with how I was dressed. It was by far strongest if I was shopping for my girlfriend (had to practically peel saleswomen off if I walked in wearing a suit), but it was even the case at the food court or the electronics store, where the clothes wouldn’t so much signal how much I was apt to spend.

So it feels to me that the anti-fashion stance is a bit of a case of cutting off your nose to spite your face. Like being the uncoordinated kid who, knowing he can’t make the school basketball team then decides that he won’t do any exercise at all, because he’s not good at it.

Third, micro-cultures vary, a LOT. As I said, in my first job the dress code was shirt and tie. Less than ten years later I worked at a company where, on an average day, if I wore a dress shirt to work I’d get teased, being asked “Got a job interview somewhere else today?” or the like. As another example, in university I was in a co-op program where we alternated work and school every four months, meaning you needed a suit for interviews, shirts and ties and dress slacks for work, all of which were expensive-ish clothes that you didn’t want to wear out at school, so on a student budget we all wore cheap t-shirts and jeans, or the like, during school terms—and this was a point of pride in the engineering faculty. To dress casual-fancy, as you might see more often on other campuses, was to break the unwritten code. 

In other words, how you dress communicates a lot, but the language varies by micro-culture. Or to put it another way, “dressing to impress” can make you seem like a pretentious git, if you do it in the wrong way in the wrong place.

Fourth, my personal solution is to dress defensively. That is, to figure out the most unremarkable clothing choices for my environment, that I can find in an appropriate fit and budget. Given that about 90% of the trousers I try on sag in a giant “smiley face” across the front (I have too much bum and belly versus not enough hip for most standard cuts, so they don’t fit right) the &#8216;appropriate fit’ is often the most limiting factor. However I’m not even all that big, and the problem of appropriate fit and budget just get bigger and bigger as, well, the wearer gets bigger and bigger. I’m pretty sure that at some point trying not to stand out becomes much harder than simply choosing in what way you’ll stand out—and doing so in t-shirt and jeans is probably cheaper and more comfortable than doing so in most other things.

Fifth, there is a somewhat legitimate, in my opinion, reason to care about “your tribe.” Specifically, if you are fat, or like fat people, of course you have a selfish interest in how fat people portray themselves. To use a comparison that I probably lean on too much, tattoos would probably be (and especially would have been) more acceptable in broader society if they were not so heavily associated with marginalized groups like bikers, gangsters, and prisoners. When I was growing up, to have a visible tattoo was taken to say not that you thought it was pretty or that you liked body modification, but that you aspired to associate with those groups. 

In a society where being fat has associations with poverty, poorer immigrant groups, and &#8216;hicks’, it probably benefits every fat person and FA when a fat person portrays themselves as successful, well-off, and cultured. The more people see fat people who look that way, the more apt those other associations are to slowly wither away. The problem is that to be that fat person trying to make those statements at the moment invites cognitive dissonance in the viewer, putting the statement the clothes make in conflict with the pre-judgements about fat people. So by doing so you invite attention, and given how uncomfortable cognitive dissonance seems to be for people there is also a good chance that you are specifically inviting negative attention, because you are the source of their discomfort. 

In other words, there is a public good in playing the fashion game in an appropriate, careful, strategic, sort of way, but it may be up in the air on whether it is a personal good or not. Does the status you claim by dressing that way get others to treat you better, or does it make you more of a target for anti-fat feelings (or more the point, if it does both, which is the more powerful effect)?

Sixth, as always, there is a teensy-tiny chance that I may have ever so slightly over-thought this issue


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## ODFFA (Mar 12, 2014)

Amaranthine said:


> On the topic of more formal clothing - did anyone have to deal with uniforms in school? Like...I went to both a religious elementary & high school. And I remember distinctly in high school, the authority being SO strict about it because they wanted to foster a sense of pride in appearance and professionalism, and whatever else.
> 
> What's the result? I pretty much wear (the classiest possible, mind you) sweatpants/a sweatshirt to lab, and avoid taking my coat off so I can hide the fact that I felt like being as lazy as possible. I really don't think it could have backfired more.



Ohhhh man, this. This exactly! I don't know of a single school in SA that does not impose the wearing of uniforms. I mean, there are some minor positives to it, but I've never understood how these people managed to believe they were going about fostering those qualities in the best way.

The association of "compulsory 'professional' uniform = being stifled" is the one that sticks. I think high school is a good time to do away with that kind of thing and allow for the exploration of individuality to come out a bit more.... with some structure and supervision to it, of course.

Silver lining: ten years later I still so appreciate being able to decide what I want to wear every day, even within the confines of a dress code.

-----------------
ETA: Back to the more general topic - I can see how a certain way of dressing may come off to someone (from a different micro-culture, perhaps) as 'not even trying.' And then I suppose there's 'trying too hard.' 

I care about fashion quite a bit, in the sense that I find it a fascinating form of individual expression, and for the reasons given above. But I'm not inclined to make either of those two assumptions too easily. I don't know why. Not trying to say it's because I'm a saint who never judges people - I do >.< With clothes, I guess, I just have a bit more of a..... relativist approach?


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## MrSensible (Mar 12, 2014)

Tad said:


> A 'few' thoughts, somewhat randomly thrown together into one post. In other words: GIANT WALL OF TEXT INCOMING, RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!
> 
> First, here is my take on the justification for big people being militantly anti-fashion.
> 
> ...



Assuming that some of this is referring to my posts in the thread, you are definitely over-thinking what I was trying to say. I'm not against fashion itself, I just think people should wear what they want if it's a style that speaks to them. I can't speak for others, but in my case, this is in no way a fat issue. It's just a general "wear what you like" issue. It's really that simple. 

Yes, obviously we have obligations in our life that require we follow a certain dress-code but that's a given. My posts were mainly referring to the times that you're free to choose and wear what really fits your style personally. Although honestly, if I had it my way, no one would ever be forced to wear a tie and monkey suit ever again, regardless of the situation, heh. Unless they wanted to, of course.

I just genuinely don't put a whole lot of thought into this I guess. I feel I dress nice, but I do so in a way that feels right to me; I don't research styles in which to get the best response in a given situation, or anything like that. My two best friends dress so differently from me that you'd probably think we were from different circles entirely if you didn't know us, but they're still more similar to me than anyone else I've ever met, otherwise. I also have a long-distance friend who dresses in such an er, for lack of a better word, unorthodox way that you might question if it was even possible to buy some of it in stores. She really makes it work though and she looks great in it. She's also one of the most awesome, creative people I've ever met.

And again, I'm not going to argue that it's not important for many people, I just happen to look at it as one of those "sweating the small stuff" scenarios, personally. I'd much prefer to see people wearing what makes them happy rather than what society tells them makes them look the "best" in a certain situation.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 12, 2014)

Just out of curiosity.. since this seems to be such a big issue.. if a BBW/SSBBW went to a club dressed grunge, (and it was not a grunge bar/club/rave/concert, etc.) stringy hair, baggy clothes, scuffed up shoes, because that is the style she likes.. How many of you men would approach her?

And be honest?

Chances are none would approach her because she would look unkempt. "dirty"

Yet it is expected of women to just go with the flow and date a man or look twice at a man that is dress that way. Talk about double standards.


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## biglynch (Mar 12, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> Just out of curiosity.. since this seems to be such a big issue.. if a BBW/SSBBW went to a club dressed grunge. Stringy hair, baggy clothes, scuffed up shoes, because that is the style she likes.. How many of you men would approach her?
> 
> And be honest?
> 
> ...



Yep. That's ok with me. If she was my type I would.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 12, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Yep. That's ok with me. If she was my type I would.



I will remember that big L :wubu:


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## MrSensible (Mar 12, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> Just out of curiosity.. since this seems to be such a big issue.. if a BBW/SSBBW went to a club dressed grunge, (and it was not a grunge bar/club/rave/concert, etc.) stringy hair, baggy clothes, scuffed up shoes, because that is the style she likes.. How many of you men would approach her?
> 
> And be honest?
> 
> ...



I guess I'm a weird one then because I think I would actually find her more interesting because of it. Being totally honest here. I admire people that do their own thing, and I'd probably assume that we had more in common because of it (of course, that's not always the case.) I just can't see restricting myself from approaching/talking to someone simply because of their personal dress-code. I feel that you would miss out on meeting a lot of potentially cool people by living like that.

Just to be clear, all of the posts I've made have been in respect to both genders. I'm not a fan of double standards either.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 12, 2014)

I am starting to like the men on Dims more and more.. lol

But good for you. There are exceptions to everything.


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## bigmac (Mar 12, 2014)

For the last two decades I've worn pretty much the same outfit every day when not at work: Plain solid color cotton t-shirt (Fruit of the Loom size 4X, $5.99 @ Walmart), Cargo or carpenter shorts (Wrangler size 46, $17.99 @ Target), a plain black leather belt (I bought the one I'm currently using in 2003 at a Zellers in Hamilton), leather sandals replaced low-top hiking boots when I moved from Oregon to California. My attitude has always been if my outfit is not good enough for your establishment my money isn't either.


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## Yakatori (Mar 13, 2014)

Amaranthine said:


> ....uniforms in school? Like...because they wanted to foster a sense of *pride* in appearance and professionalism, and whatever else...What's the result? I pretty much wear (the classiest possible, mind you) sweatpants/a sweatshirt to lab, and avoid taking my coat off so I can hide the fact that I felt like being as lazy as possible. *I really don't think it could have backfired more.*


I would guess that your high school administration considers you and cases like yours a mark of their own success. School-uniforms aren't about pride in personal appearance as much as eliminating class or other types of social distinctions. Really, taking pride in anything but that. Weeding out the open expression of defiant individualism and pounding into young-psyches the idea of being a cog in a wheel. Whose role, if not entire purpose in life, is to focus on studying hard and obeying instructors and authority figures. Conforming. Assimilating. And sublimating whatever competitive spirit into the more 'appropriate' channels of sports, academics, or civics. 

At least for as long as it takes to pass whatever tests or earn certain marks. And demonstrate a certain degree of self-discipline for learning & personal development. 

Then, as a "reward," you get the freedom to be who or whatever you want to be. 

That you're not so interested in whatever vanities as much as your own intellectual development would suggest it might work to some extent.


----------



## Tad (Mar 13, 2014)

MrSensible said:


> Assuming that some of this is referring to my posts in the thread,



meh, not really. After skimming through the whole thread, those were the thoughts running around my head. Really not responding to anyone in particular, and for the most part I don't recall who said what. More of a general brain dump.

I guess the one thing I didn't mention was that I thought the way people responded to Agouderia was unfortunate. I'm a big believer in "Miller's Law" which goes


> To understand what another person is saying, you must assume that it is true and try to imagine what it could be true of.



I didn't feel like there was a lot of willingness to take that approach to what she was saying, and it felt like there was some 'piling on' responses too. Not saying that she didn't phrase things in ways that were somewhat provocative, but it felt like her fundamental point--that we DO get judged by how we present ourselves--was maybe ignored? (at least, that was what seemed like the core of her point to me, with the rest being "...and therefore one should x, y, and z" and I think it was the way she phrased that latter part that upset people).

So, for those of you who are militantly casual in dress, I'm curious:

- do you agree that how we dress and groom ourselves play an important role in how people respond to us?

- are your casual choices a deliberate attempt to send a particular message about yourself, or simply a matter of comfort and convenience?


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 13, 2014)

The simple fact of life is that we are judged by how we appear. *FIRST IMPRESSIONS *matter!. This is not to say that everyone does this, but I would say 99% of humans do this. The other 1% being those that honestly don't care and the blind. 

When people see you and don't know you or anything of you, they will judge whether or not they want to get to know you by how you present yourself. So why not put your best foot forward?

As unfortunate as this is, we have to keep that in mind when we get dressed. Do I like to dress up for work, NO.. but I do it because I respect myself enough to put my best foot forward. I am someone worth knowing and if my dressing up is going to help you notice me and get to know me, then I will do it.

Maybe what we need to do is stop complaining about fashion and help designers see that it is worth their time and effort to make fashionable things for bigger people at an affordable price.

JMT


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## MrSensible (Mar 13, 2014)

Tad said:


> So, for those of you who are militantly casual in dress, I'm curious:
> 
> - do you agree that how we dress and groom ourselves play an important role in how people respond to us?
> 
> - are your casual choices a deliberate attempt to send a particular message about yourself, or simply a matter of comfort and convenience?




I suppose it does, but even so, I still dress the way that I'm comfortable with first and foremost and I respect others that do the same. That's how I've always felt about it. If someone chooses to ignore me simply because my dress-code doesn't suit their standards, well, I feel I've dodged a bullet quite frankly.

I honestly can't say that I've ever known anyone to do that, nor can I imagine why anyone would. I feel like if you're the type of person that cares *that* much about your perceived dress style that it would be much more likely you would "dress to impress" rather than deliberately wear what you think would send a lackluster message about yourself. I'd imagine that most people that dress casually whenever possible are doing so because they like it, and that the potential fashion perception behind it is probably not that big of a deal to them. Just my thoughts on it.

And with that, I think I'm going to bow out of this discussion. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for all the derailing, terpsichore. I have no issues at all with this idea and I hope things get back on track very soon :happy:.


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## terpsichore (Mar 13, 2014)

Tad said:


> So, for those of you who are militantly casual in dress, I'm curious:
> 
> - do you agree that how we dress and groom ourselves play an important role in how people respond to us?
> 
> - are your casual choices a deliberate attempt to send a particular message about yourself, or simply a matter of comfort and convenience?



1. for sure, i agree with that

2. i'm not militantly casual, but i am militantly quirky when it comes to clothes.  

i would say my motivation behind my style is simply that i wear things i think are comfy and adorable. what my style could also be saying to others? that i don't consider myself an actual adult and don't want to be treated as such, that i have a quirky artistic/creative personality and a vivid imagination, and that i loathe being thought of as 'womanly' or 'sexy' and am much more comfortable with going for 'cute'. all of which is true. 

tl;dr: i think clothes send messages even when we're not consciously trying to make those statements. just by dressing in a style that apprals to you, you're showing people something about your personality.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 13, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> 1. for sure, i agree with that
> 
> 2. i'm not militantly casual, but i am militantly quirky when it comes to clothes. most days i either dress like a 10 year old (panda hat, glittery hello kitty shoes, t shirts and floofy tutu skirts) or i look like i just came from a Ren faire and forgot to finish changing out of my costume.
> 
> ...



I hope this doesn't come off as an attack, because it's not, I'm actually curious and interested. 

You mentioned you're a professor, what do you wear to work?


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## terpsichore (Mar 13, 2014)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> I hope this doesn't come off as an attack, because it's not, I'm actually curious and interested.
> 
> You mentioned you're a professor, what do you wear to work?



fortunately i teach music courses.  so i wear whatever i want. music/dance/theater/studio art instructors can get away with a lot. i wore simple tan dress pants, a matching fitted short-sleeved jacket and black top with simple beige character shoes to my job interview.  everyday teaching though, anything goes.

oops  looks like i edited my post as you were replying to it. right after i wrote it i was like meh, no one really cares what i'm wearing today.  but imho it's a fun game, to see how i can incorporate my favorite things into an outfit that looks whimsical yet still in the realm of contemporary and occasion-appropriate. today: fitted glittery panda t shirt, black leggings, tan corduroy jacket, and black rocket dogs that i found at a thrift shop for $10.


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## terpsichore (Mar 13, 2014)

& don't get me wrong, just because i think fashion is fun and interesting, doesn't mean i think people who don't are slobs or anything negative. speaking of college professors, both of my favorite teachers wore jeans and baggy shirts everyday.  (and one of them was about 350 lbs and utterly gorgeous, so lessons were very motivating and distracting at the same time!)


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 13, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> fortunately i teach music courses.  so i wear whatever i want. music/dance/theater/studio art instructors can get away with a lot. i wore simple tan dress pants, a matching fitted short-sleeved jacket and black top with simple beige character shoes to my job interview.  everyday teaching though, anything goes.
> 
> oops  looks like i edited my post as you were replying to it. right after i wrote it i was like meh, no one really cares what i'm wearing today.  but imho it's a fun game, to see how i can incorporate my favorite things into an outfit that looks whimsical yet still in the realm of contemporary and occasion-appropriate. today: fitted glittery panda t shirt, black leggings, tan corduroy jacket, and black rocket dogs that i found at a thrift shop for $10.



Oh man...music professor?! We should talk ;-) I had something of a torrid affair with my college Piano/choral instructor.


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## terpsichore (Mar 13, 2014)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Oh man...music professor?! We should talk ;-) I had something of a torrid affair with my college Piano/choral instructor.



you play piano and sing?! right this way, sir.  

there's only one thing hotter than a BHM- a classical musician. combine both, and i cannot resist.  i was in a production of the Vivaldi Dixit Dominus last year and one of the guys in the orchestra was SO distracting omg. he was absolutely massive, all his luscious softness poured into a tuxedo, and expertly making beautiful music...*faints* fortunately the conductor/director (where we're *supposed* to be looking  ) was also perfectly fat and looked delightful in concert attire.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 13, 2014)

ahhhh... chorus and piano.. my two favorite classes.....

It is a shame that schools cut all of the arts stuff. It is the only time in school you are allowed to be an individual.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 13, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> you play piano and sing?! right this way, sir.
> 
> there's only one thing hotter than a BHM- a classical musician. combine both, and i cannot resist.  i was in a production of the Vivaldi Dixit Dominus last year and one of the guys in the orchestra was SO distracting omg. he was absolutely massive, all his luscious softness poured into a tuxedo, and expertly making beautiful music...*faints* fortunately the conductor/director (where we're *supposed* to be looking  ) was also perfectly fat and looked delightful in concert attire.



oh, I do both terribly but still do them. 

There's pictures of my in tuxs spilling out somewhere


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## terpsichore (Mar 13, 2014)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> oh, I do both terribly but still do them.
> 
> There's pictures of my in tuxs spilling out somewhere



:wubu: i must find these pics; i suspect you would look exquisite in a tux.

(hint/suggestion for the fiction writers on dims: BHM/FFA piano lesson.  )


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## agouderia (Mar 13, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> (hint/suggestion for the fiction writers on dims: BHM/FFA piano lesson.  )



Stories with FFA's and piano playing BHMs (without tux unfortunately, though that's an issue in one case) already exist around here - minus the lesson/teacher part and it's inherently erotic subcurrent:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51975

or

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=73684


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 13, 2014)

agouderia said:


> Stories with FFA's and piano playing BHMs (without tux unfortunately, though that's an issue in one case) already exist around here - minus the lesson/teacher part and it's inherently erotic subcurrent:
> 
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51975
> 
> ...



I haven't read these, but you should write about the first time my professor seduced me. I was staying late practicing piano, she came in to tell me she was closing shop but I could stay if I wanted to...or I could go back to her place for some wine and a chat. :smitten:


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## terpsichore (Mar 13, 2014)

^^ omg really? that would make a great story. & obviously you're irresistible, but i can't imagine saying something like that to a student! 

my favorite professor did go out for drinks with us after performances, but that was the whole group at a restaurant (and he was happily married) so no seduction there.


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## ODFFA (Mar 14, 2014)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> I haven't read these, but you should write about the first time my professor seduced me. I was staying late practicing piano, she came in to tell me she was closing shop but I could stay if I wanted to...or I could go back to her place for some wine and a chat. :smitten:



Pffft, big talker. Scandalous sex tape or it didn't happen 

----------
I was going to post this in the happy thread, but decided it might be even better to post it here....

So, I'm happy about the lovely mild weather we've been having recently. Season is gradually changing from summer to winter (our in-between seasons, autumn and spring, are verrry indistinct. I find it hard to acknowledge them in my head). Point being, 'tis the season of 3/4-sleeves, holey tops, ponchos, off-shoulder long-sleeves and other such gems I otherwise never get to wear!


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## biglynch (Mar 14, 2014)

Ok this is my work wears. What are we saying? 

View attachment IMG_20140314_055324.jpg


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## Yakatori (Mar 14, 2014)

Your colors say both that you're in command & to remain calm, relax, etc..


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## terpsichore (Mar 14, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Ok this is my work wears. What are we saying?



love the rich jewel-tone blue! the style and cut say professional, and the color adds a unique flair and some personality.


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## biglynch (Mar 14, 2014)

Yakatori said:


> Your colors say both that you're in command & to remain calm, relax, etc..





terpsichore said:


> love the rich jewel-tone blue! the style and cut say professional, and the color adds a unique flair and some personality.



Good, just as long as I don't look like a dick at work I'm happy.


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## Mordecai (Mar 14, 2014)

Ok, sometimes I don't wear evil juice box costumes or bunny ears.











I feel dirty.


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## biglynch (Mar 14, 2014)

Here is an interesting thought. Maybe we need to set up a swap shop of some kind I have stuff that's not such a great fit or that I'm not a fan of, and I would struggle to sell. Sure it won't work so well for me here in the uk. But I bet that you guys could do it in the states.

I'm a big fan of second hand shopping but its rare that I find my sizes.
Again, thoughts.


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 14, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Here is an interesting thought. Maybe we need to set up a swap shop of some kind I have stuff that's not such a great fit or that I'm not a fan of, and I would struggle to sell. Sure it won't work so well for me here in the uk. But I bet that you guys could do it in the states.
> 
> I'm a big fan of second hand shopping but its rare that I find my sizes.
> Again, thoughts.


*
I am not sure about those curtains.....*


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## Goreki (Mar 14, 2014)

Biglynch, Mordecai you both look awesome.


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## terpsichore (Mar 14, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Good, just as long as I don't look like a dick at work I'm happy.



you're too hot to ever really look like a dick. you could make a newspaper toga look sexy.


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## terpsichore (Mar 14, 2014)

Mordecai said:


> Ok, sometimes I don't wear evil juice box costumes or bunny ears.



oh my. :wubu: a) those eyes. heart-melting. 

b) you rock the formal wear! you and BL both have a great eye for colors that stand out in a good way and compliment your skin tone and features. love the cut of the suits too, and the satin ties. you may have me re-thinking my anti-necktie stance for a minute, because you do look great in them.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 14, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Ok this is my work wears. What are we saying?



Well HOT DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i LOVE this pic!

um.. Sorry.. You look good. Business casual.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 14, 2014)

Just had to take a picture of him this morning. I think he is beautiful...

The people around him ruined the shot.. but You can still enjoy him...lol


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## terpsichore (Mar 14, 2014)

^^ now THAT ensemble is saying to the world, "come sit in my lap and snuggle".


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 14, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> ^^ now THAT ensemble is saying to the world, "come sit in my lap and snuggle".



I just wish his face would have been less covered..


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## ODFFA (Mar 14, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> I think he is beautiful...



With things like this I always find myself willing the guy to know someone was checking him out and thinking of him in those terms - when he's just sitting there in his hoodie, no less.



terpsichore said:


> ^^ now THAT ensemble is saying to the world, "come sit in my lap and snuggle".



My very first thought exactly :happy:


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## biglynch (Mar 14, 2014)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *
> I am not sure about those curtains.....*


Agreed on that they are awful, but they keep the sun out and the heat in. 

So nobody wants to send me 4xl garments


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 14, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Agreed on that they are awful, but they keep the sun out and the heat in.
> 
> So nobody wants to send me 4xl garments



oh I am sure plenty of people want to send you things.. just not sure sending clothes is the best option.. since it might be a better pic with less clothes...:smitten:


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## terpsichore (Mar 14, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> oh I am sure plenty of people want to send you things.. just not sure sending clothes is the best option.. since it might be a better pic with less clothes...:smitten:



hm yes, on second thought i do have some constructive advice about your work outfit. first, trousers are over rated; you should prob take them off. the color on the shirt really looks great on you, but i suggest unbuttoning all the buttons and simply leaving it open for a more modern look.


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## Mordecai (Mar 14, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> oh my. :wubu: a) those eyes. heart-melting.
> 
> b) you rock the formal wear! you and BL both have a great eye for colors that stand out in a good way and compliment your skin tone and features. love the cut of the suits too, and the satin ties. you may have me re-thinking my anti-necktie stance for a minute, because you do look great in them.



A good tie can make or break an outfit. I tend to go for ties that are of the same color as the rest of the outfit, but usually satin or with a nice sheen. Or, something garish. I really like pink ties with blue.

Thanks for the compliments.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 15, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> hm yes, on second thought i do have some constructive advice about your work outfit. first, trousers are over rated; you should prob take them off. the color on the shirt really looks great on you, but i suggest unbuttoning all the buttons and simply leaving it open for a more modern look.



Exactly what I was thinking...


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 15, 2014)

Mordecai said:


> A good tie can make or break an outfit. I tend to go for ties that are of the same color as the rest of the outfit, but usually satin or with a nice sheen. Or, something garish. I really like pink ties with blue.
> 
> Thanks for the compliments.



I tend to go the opposite with ties. Usually they match my socks, or will match a color that my shirt has a very small amount of. Helps it pop more, for me at least.


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## Mordecai (Mar 15, 2014)

I usually go with solid colors, with varying shades. Especially with my pinstriped suits.


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## bigmac (Mar 15, 2014)

Mordecai said:


> A good tie can make or break an outfit. I tend to go for ties that are of the same color as the rest of the outfit, but usually satin or with a nice sheen. Or, something garish. I really like pink ties with blue.
> 
> Thanks for the compliments.



*Ties SUCK!!!! I HATE TIES!!!*

Since I have to wear the god awful things I protest by only wearing ties I purchase for a dollar or less at thrift stores.


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## Mordecai (Mar 15, 2014)

I rarely have to dress up, but, truth be told, I dislike wearing formal wear.


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## Mordecai (Mar 15, 2014)

Amaranthine said:


> Let's focus on this outfit of yours instead. Spectacular. A fitting model for the rest of the board, though if anyone wanted to zoom out a bit more, I don't think we'd complain.



Don't tempt me.


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## fritzi (Mar 15, 2014)

Mordecai said:


> I rarely have to dress up, but, truth be told, I dislike wearing formal wear.



You hide that exceptionally well!
Nobody who is so good at something - see purple tie & waistcoat, awesome, bold & fashionable choice - can honestly dislike it.



bigmac said:


> *Ties SUCK!!!! I HATE TIES!!!*
> 
> Since I have to wear the god awful things I protest by only wearing ties I purchase for a dollar or less at thrift stores.



Weren't you the one who was complaining on the other board that BBW never paid any attention to you?
Could this be somehow related to your dress and the attitude it radiates????


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## bigmac (Mar 15, 2014)

fritzi said:


> ...
> 
> Weren't you the one who was complaining on the other board that BBW never paid any attention to you?
> Could this be somehow related to your dress and the attitude it radiates????



I said I was paid much less attention during fatter periods. I said that if a BHM wants to get more play a gym membership is a far better investment than dropping hundreds (if not thousands) on fancy clothes.

If a BHM isn't getting any play wearing khakis and polo shirt from Target or Walmart its unlikely a $900 suit will change anything -- other than making him more poor of course. The idea that a positive attitude and more expensive possessions will cure what ails you are very American ideas -- ideas I reject.


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## Yakatori (Mar 16, 2014)

but are otherwise within range. As in however far down the scale you go in either area, the simplest or least investment will be a more marked improvement. Like, if you're walking around in a bath-robe and sweatpants, switching to a fitted pair of pants or jeans of any kind (that fit) with a belt is a huge upgrade. If you really need a haircut, even a not-so good haircut looks a lot better. 

If you wear your hair long and shaggy, the need for a haircut and its immediate benefit is somewhat less noticeable. But it still looks better.

If you have a very poor attitude (nasty, rude, belligerent, etc...or a complainer) just keeping quiet, smiling-politely will have a more noticeable benefit than, say, for a roughly comparable guy who has an okay personality that is just acting a little bit friendlier than he normally would. 

So, it's all quite relative. And, given a competitive playing field, each incremental advantage is not being measured independently against some other. It's the cumulative effect off all of these things taken into account at one time.

We generally don't get to see this at work because we are so rarely even able to make a true apples to apples comparisons. If we're much more or less fit, it also tends to go without saying that some time has also past. So, then it's not really a case of all things being equal. Clothes, on the other hand, we can change pretty quickly. Although, it would also probably take a certain amount to time to be noticeably dressing much better on the whole. Which, I think, also counts for something besides whatever an individual happens to be wearing at the moment.

@agouderia: What's a "faded-vulture?" I googled-it and must admit to not really knowing what you mean.


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## Mordecai (Mar 16, 2014)

I keep buying argyle.


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## Amaranthine (Mar 16, 2014)

Mordecai said:


> Don't tempt me.



That's terrible advice! 



Yakatori said:


> @agouderia: What's a "faded-vulture?" I googled-it and must admit to not really knowing what you mean.



I believe this might be your answer? 


- 

What's with all the tie hate? Is there some extreme discomfort that I'm ignorant of, never having worn one? I actually really like the idea of a small, exceptionally tailored me-sized suit. It just seems a lot more appealing to me than the typical female versions of suits (though I have no issue with dresses.) It also seems like one of the few ways that a woman could dress is a completely masculine manner.


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## Donna (Mar 16, 2014)

Ties do look incredibly uncomfortable and constricting. My big guy loathes them. He's strictly a Dockers, jeans and polo kind of guy. Being in IT&S has advantages I guess since polos and Dockers tend to be their "uniform" of choice.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 16, 2014)

bigmac said:


> *Ties SUCK!!!! I HATE TIES!!!*
> 
> Since I have to wear the god awful things I protest by only wearing ties I purchase for a dollar or less at thrift stores.



Think about what you can do with them after you take them off... 

IJS...lol


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## bigmac (Mar 16, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> Think about what you can do with them after you take them off...
> 
> IJS...lol



We have a sleigh bed -- no posts to tie things to --


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 16, 2014)

bigmac said:


> We have a sleigh bed -- no posts to tie things to --



you can use them as blind folds... there are...ummm.. nevermind... that would be an overshare..lol


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## biglynch (Mar 16, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> Think about what you can do with them after you take them off...
> 
> IJS...lol





bigmac said:


> We have a sleigh bed -- no posts to tie things to --



Wrist leash! No news to tie to anything.
Just a thought.


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## lille (Mar 16, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Wrist leash! No news to tie to anything.
> Just a thought.



Wrists also tie well to each other and to ankles. Food for thought.


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## biglynch (Mar 16, 2014)

lille said:


> Wrists also tie well to each other and to ankles. Food for thought.


Wrist Leash is better and safer, when you let go you can part your hands if its knotted you can't. Can't disagree on ankles though.


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## terpsichore (Mar 16, 2014)

idk, just squish me. no need for ties.


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## x0emnem0x (Mar 17, 2014)

I like more than one type of fashion for a guy. Sometimes it depends on their personality as well. I like a guy in uniform, but in the same breath a guy in a flannel or plaid tshirt and jeans could just make me go crazy. Or a nice collared or polo shirt and nice dress pants. Just as long as you put a little time and effort into how you present yourself. Or a guy in those army type pants with the side pockets, boots and a t-shirt. That'd kill me.


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## biglynch (Mar 17, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> idk, just squish me. no need for ties.



Its on! 
Bring beer and snacks.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 17, 2014)

Nothing but a bunch of pervs! 

I LOVE DIMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:wubu::wubu::kiss2:


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## terpsichore (Mar 17, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Its on!
> Bring beer and snacks.



if one day you wake to find an american on your doorstep holding a pizza and case of beer, dressed in a long peacoat and stiletto boots (only lace panties underneath, of course)...don't say you didn't invite me!

hmmm, now i think about it, maybe a tie would be useful. most guys i've been with are frustratingly reluctant to give me a proper full-weight squishing. perhaps a gentle-but-persuasive tie flogging will render the next gentleman more cooperative.


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## biglynch (Mar 17, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> Nothing but a bunch of pervs!
> 
> I LOVE DIMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:wubu::wubu::kiss2:


So very true.



terpsichore said:


> if one day you wake to find an american on your doorstep holding a pizza and case of beer, dressed in a long peacoat and stiletto boots (nothing underneath, of course)...don't say you didn't invite me!
> 
> hmmm, now i think about it, maybe a tie would be useful. most guys i've been with are frustratingly reluctant to give me a proper full-weight squishing. perhaps a gentle-but-persuasive tie flogging will render the next gentleman more cooperative.



Print this page as confirmation of a booking. When you arrive at you destination quote reference code "giggity1"

Also if I turn up in my pants, flip flops, and a cape with a half bottle of rum singing Romeo and Juliet. don't say I didn't invite myself.


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## terpsichore (Mar 17, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> Nothing but a bunch of pervs!



if that is you in your avatar, the doe eyes and amazing cleavage would turn even a straight lady into a little perv!  you look like you belong in a mediterranean palace, dressed in a silk Grecian gown and dripping with jewels.


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## terpsichore (Mar 17, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Also if I turn up in my pants, flip flops, and a cape with a half bottle of rum singing Romeo and Juliet. don't say I didn't invite myself.



Dressed like that, you'd blend right in in LA! 

speaking of, WHY are the vast majority of drool-worthy BHMs in the UK? so not fair. British girls get guys like BL while i flounder in a sea of skinny tanned dudebros in 'yolo' shirts.


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## biglynch (Mar 17, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> if that is you in your avatar, the doe eyes and amazing cleavage would turn even a straight lady into a little perv!  you look like you belong in a mediterranean palace, dressed in a silk Grecian gown and dripping with jewels.


two's a party three is a bigger party. 



terpsichore said:


> Dressed like that, you'd blend right in in LA!
> 
> speaking of, WHY are the vast majority of drool-worthy BHMs in the UK? so not fair.



We breed us good over here, its kind of like an organic bhm factory.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 17, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> if that is you in your avatar, the doe eyes and amazing cleavage would turn even a straight lady into a little perv!  you look like you belong in a mediterranean palace, dressed in a silk Grecian gown and dripping with jewels.



lol.. It is me.. there are other pictures of me posted on other threads that show more..lol:blush:


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 17, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> Dressed like that, you'd blend right in in LA!
> 
> speaking of, WHY are the vast majority of drool-worthy BHMs in the UK? so not fair. British girls get guys like BL while i flounder in a sea of skinny tanned dudebros in 'yolo' shirts.



OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THOSE YOLO SHIRTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They should say.. YOLO so take a chance and date a big girl/guy


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 17, 2014)

So this is my clothes in a variety of situations. I'm sure most of these have been posted elsewhere. I like to think I can get away with a variety. When I tend to get "dressy" it's not too dressy at all, and when I'm casual it's super casual. 

I would say these first two are me in casual clothes, and me in a "medium" get up. 








And these are harder to judge because you can't see my pants (although I'm probably not wearing any.)


I call this "baby's first orgasmic phone call.





Baby's first orgasmic taco. 










Sorry for the wall of pictures. Just sharing my "fashion."


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## terpsichore (Mar 17, 2014)

^^ i really like the outfit in the first pic -you have a good eye for the little touches that make things more interesting, like cuffing the jeans and pairing it with those boots. 

but the second pic! that is just asking for it. (and by "it" i mean an ffa unbuttoning the lower buttons of your shirt, snuggling into your lap and feeding you the rest of your hot dog.)


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## Melian (Mar 18, 2014)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> So this is my clothes in a variety of situations.



Really sucking on that cigar, aren't you?


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## Amaranthine (Mar 18, 2014)

Melian said:


> Really sucking on that cigar, aren't you?


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 18, 2014)

Amaranthine said:


>



And sometimes it is used as a tool for penetration...

LOL.. Sorry.. I had to!


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## Melian (Mar 18, 2014)

lucca23v2 said:


> And sometimes it is used as an tool for penetration...
> 
> LOL.. Sorry.. I had to!


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## Mordecai (Mar 18, 2014)

Someone ordered the Lewinsky?


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## biglynch (Mar 18, 2014)

Accessories are the way forward... May have overdone it a little.

Flamingo Shirt = Baines and Scott
Jacket = jacamo

If I remember correctly Miss Lewinsky was hot. I liked her style. 

View attachment IMG_29561213937858.jpeg


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## biglynch (Mar 19, 2014)

Pretty in pink. 

View attachment IMG_20140319_054356.jpg


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 19, 2014)

biglynch said:


> Pretty in pink.


*
y yes you are....I have to wonder though....the beard..is starting to look a bit like a bib...do you wear your food in it constantly? or no....*


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## biglynch (Mar 19, 2014)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *
> y yes you are....I have to wonder though....the beard..is starting to look a bit like a bib...do you wear your food in it constantly? or no....*


It hs become a bit of a high maintenance accsessory. Hourly comb brush is verrrry much needed.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 24, 2014)

so I went out today to a business affair and this is what I wore. I haven't been to a business function in a while and I wore this. 

I realize it's my favorite shirt and tie combination. The tie did a good job of hiding the buttons being tugged at


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## Esther (Mar 25, 2014)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> The tie did a good job of hiding the buttons being tugged at



You tease


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 25, 2014)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> so I went out today to a business affair and this is what I wore. I haven't been to a business function in a while and I wore this.
> 
> I realize it's my favorite shirt and tie combination. The tie did a good job of hiding the buttons being tugged at
> 
> I love this pic!


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## Surlysomething (Mar 25, 2014)

Dress your size. It's paramount. Too tight or too loose doesn't work for ANYONE. (unless you're lazing around the house, then I could care less-haha)

Clean. This is non-negotiable.

Relatively fashion forward. Please don't rock your 1992 High school hockey bomber jacket and dirty, ripped up runners, holey sweatpants and a business in front, party in the back hairstyle. No one finds you attractive. NO ONE.

You're really only taken as seriously in "important" events if you look serious. Like job interviews or semi-formal events like weddings. Keep that in mind.

You don't need to spend a lot of money to look decent either. I know people that on principle shop at second hand stores and they find AMAZING, cheap clothes.


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## Esther (Mar 25, 2014)

Surlysomething said:


> Dress your size. It's paramount. Too tight or too loose doesn't work for ANYONE. (unless you're lazing around the house, then I could care less-haha)
> 
> Clean. This is non-negotiable.
> 
> ...



All true, all gems of advice.

I highlighted one particular part because I know a good number of people, guys AND girls, who *refuse* to dress appropriately or get haircuts/beard trims for work, dates, family events, weddings... my ex boyfriend was like this. When they don't get the job, or people treat them like a joke, or their girl/guy leaves them, they say shit like "I wouldn't want a job/friend/boyfriend/girlfriend that judged me by my appearance anyway."
I just want to smack them! It's not about judging! The way you present yourself tells people around you how serious you are about something, or how much you care. That's the way it is. You show up with long, dirty hair and an unkempt beard to a wedding, people get offended. You refuse to dye over your green hair and take out your 15 facial piercings for a job interview, people think you're not serious about it.
Cut your hair, trim your nails, and put on a clean, decent outfit!


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## Surlysomething (Mar 25, 2014)

I totally agree! You're representing someone's business, or your family or whatever. It's respectful. Your 15 piercings will look ok if you're the doorman at a BDSM club or a tattoo shop, but not at your Granny's 75th birthday lunch or an office job. It's just common sense.




Esther said:


> All true, all gems of advice.
> 
> I highlighted one particular part because I know a good number of people, guys AND girls, who *refuse* to dress appropriately or get haircuts/beard trims for work, dates, family events, weddings... my ex boyfriend was like this. When they don't get the job, or people treat them like a joke, or their girl/guy leaves them, they say shit like "I wouldn't want a job/friend/boyfriend/girlfriend that judged me by my appearance anyway."
> I just want to smack them! It's not about judging! The way you present yourself tells people around you how serious you are about something, or how much you care. That's the way it is. You show up with long, dirty hair and an unkempt beard to a wedding, people get offended. You refuse to dye over your green hair and take out your 15 facial piercings for a job interview, people think you're not serious about it.
> Cut your hair, trim your nails, and put on a clean, decent outfit!


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 25, 2014)

I have come to learn/realize that common sense is not so common and many lack it.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 25, 2014)

Esther said:


> All true, all gems of advice.
> 
> I highlighted one particular part because I know a good number of people, guys AND girls, who *refuse* to dress appropriately or get haircuts/beard trims for work, dates, family events, weddings... my ex boyfriend was like this. When they don't get the job, or people treat them like a joke, or their girl/guy leaves them, they say shit like "I wouldn't want a job/friend/boyfriend/girlfriend that judged me by my appearance anyway."
> I just want to smack them! It's not about judging! The way you present yourself tells people around you how serious you are about something, or how much you care. That's the way it is. You show up with long, dirty hair and an unkempt beard to a wedding, people get offended. You refuse to dye over your green hair and take out your 15 facial piercings for a job interview, people think you're not serious about it.
> *Cut your hair, trim your nails, and put on a clean, decent outfit!*



This sounds so simple, but seems so foreign to people. I had a job interview on Monday, so guess what I did? Cut my hair, trimmed my beard, cut my nails and put on some decent work clothes. I also polished my boots. Someone asked me why I was bothering to polish my boots, and I essentially told them the same thing you said. It just shows I'm serious, I took the time to wear appropriate clothes that was pressed, clean and didn't look old and ragged. Also, shining your own shoes is so...rewarding.


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## fat hiker (Mar 26, 2014)

Esther said:


> All true, all gems of advice.
> 
> I highlighted one particular part because I know a good number of people, guys AND girls, who *refuse* to dress appropriately or get haircuts/beard trims for work, dates, family events, weddings... my ex boyfriend was like this. When they don't get the job, or people treat them like a joke, or their girl/guy leaves them, they say shit like "I wouldn't want a job/friend/boyfriend/girlfriend that judged me by my appearance anyway."
> I just want to smack them! It's not about judging! The way you present yourself tells people around you how serious you are about something, or how much you care. That's the way it is. You show up with long, dirty hair and an unkempt beard to a wedding, people get offended. You refuse to dye over your green hair and take out your 15 facial piercings for a job interview, people think you're not serious about it.
> Cut your hair, trim your nails, and put on a clean, decent outfit!



Hear, hear!


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## terpsichore (Mar 26, 2014)

plus if you feel like workwear/formal wear is disingenuous, there's always adding little things that make your obligatory outfits more "you". 

i like crazy socks to make you feel a bit more relaxed and less overly-serious during job interviews. once went on a job interview wearing a pair of neon rainbow-striped knee-high socks.  wore wide-leg trousers and black dress boots. no one else knew about the rainbow socks, but *I* knew.  and i found it quite amusing. 

another interview outfit i made better with a large black silk flower with a little bit of glitter. tied my hair into a bun at the nape of my neck and added the flower and instantly went from completely dull to at least looking like i had some individuality and creativity. 

rainbow-colored hair? sneak it past the powers-that-be by just doing the ends. Last year i had bright purple on about 3" of my hair to the tips. going to the day job? put it up in a bun and it's covered. only works if you have really long hair though.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 26, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> plus if you feel like workwear/formal wear is disingenuous, there's always adding little things that make your obligatory outfits more "you".
> 
> i like crazy socks to make you feel a bit more relaxed and less overly-serious during job interviews. once went on a job interview wearing a pair of neon rainbow-striped knee-high socks.  wore wide-leg trousers and black dress boots. no one else knew about the rainbow socks, but *I* knew.  and i found it quite amusing.
> 
> ...



knee high and thigh high socks make my penis happy. 

Socks also happen to be my thing. I love adding just the right socks to an outfit to make it my own. They aren't always seen, but that's okay, I know they're there and it gives me the added "oomph" to feel more attractive, desirable, and confident.


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## djudex (Mar 26, 2014)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Socks also happen to be my thing. I love adding just the right socks to an outfit to make it my own. They aren't always seen, but that's okay, I know they're there and it gives me the added "oomph" to feel more attractive, desirable, and confident.



When I read this, all I could think of was these couple of scenes from The IT Crowd 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VG0kwal0Im4


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 30, 2014)

djudex said:


> When I read this, all I could think of was these couple of scenes from The IT Crowd
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VG0kwal0Im4



ahahah, love it.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 31, 2014)

Went perusing for sports coats for my new gig. I found some funky stuff I may purchase later.

I had a couple people tell me this made me look skinny. I promise you it's just the cut of the coat, I'm not skinny at all.



this one was WAY out of my price range, so I had to try it on. 



and then here's a coat I actually bought along with my first attempt at tying a bowtie. 








That's my current fashion!

end wall of pictures.


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## dharmabean (Mar 31, 2014)

So in love with the bow tie!


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## Paquito (Mar 31, 2014)

You look damn spiffy.


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## lucca23v2 (Mar 31, 2014)

Hozay.. I love all the pics!


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## cinnamitch (Mar 31, 2014)

I like that bowtie.


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## BigChaz (Mar 31, 2014)

Hozay,

That blue jacket is awesome. You gotta have a certain vibe to pull off a jacket like that, so kudos


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Apr 1, 2014)

dharmabean said:


> So in love with the bow tie!


Thanks! Me too, I'm going to keep an eye out and see what else I can find.


Paquito said:


> You look damn spiffy.


coming from you, it's a real compliment. 


lucca23v2 said:


> Hozay.. I love all the pics!


Thank you ma'am, that's very kind of you. 


cinnamitch said:


> I like that bowtie.





BigChaz said:


> Hozay,
> 
> That blue jacket is awesome. You gotta have a certain vibe to pull off a jacket like that, so kudos



Thanks Chaz, I really appreciate it.


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## terpsichore (Apr 1, 2014)

your facial expressions are just brilliant. :bow:


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## LeoGibson (Apr 1, 2014)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Went perusing for sports coats for my new gig. I found some funky stuff I may purchase later.....
> .....That's my current fashion!
> 
> end wall of pictures.



Not a fan of bow ties for the most part, but you rock one pretty well. It looks good on you. The blue coat is nice, I dig your style with it, but damn that brown one. That is definitely a keeper. That is a very flattering cut. If you haven't already, figure a way to get that one into your closet ASAP!


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## terpsichore (Apr 4, 2014)

lol i thought of this topic just now; there's a guy in the library here explaining complicated organic chemistry topics to a small group of people. this obviously-intelligent gentleman is wearing a black t-shirt with 'ASS' printed on it in white letters.


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## Tad (Apr 4, 2014)

terpsichore said:


> lol i thought of this topic just now; there's a guy in the library here explaining complicated organic chemistry topics to a small group of people. this obviously-intelligent gentleman is wearing a black t-shirt with 'ASS' printed on it in white letters.



What, you've never heard of someone being a _smart-ass_? 

*runs for cover before anything gets thrown at me*


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