# Obsessed with the Number



## FaxMachine1234 (Apr 10, 2007)

Does anyone else who's intentionally putting on weight have as close a connection with the scale as I do? I've never been all that consistent a gainer, dropping it for months at a time (one time a year), but whether I'm losing pounds or putting them on, I seem to have a compulsory attachment to the number. Granted, now I'm at college, I'm cut off from any scale (except for the one in the movie theater bathroom...shh), but I still think about it...too much. Anyone else in the same boat?


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 10, 2007)

I'm not interested all that much in gaining, but I am obsessed with my number. I know my breaking point... the number that will put me over the edge mentally... but I also know the number I'd like to be. I do weigh myself quite a bit. 




Ekim said:


> Does anyone else who's intentionally putting on weight have as close a connection with the scale as I do? I've never been all that consistent a gainer, dropping it for months at a time (one time a year), but whether I'm losing pounds or putting them on, I seem to have a compulsory attachment to the number. Granted, now I'm at college, I'm cut off from any scale (except for the one in the movie theater bathroom...shh), but I still think about it...too much. Anyone else in the same boat?


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## Jay West Coast (Apr 10, 2007)

The people that I've known that are themselves into gaining _are_ also fascinated with the numbers. So, I doubt you're alone on that one.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 10, 2007)

Lots of people are fascinated by the numbers. For better or worse, count me in. We just aren't accurate without a scale, or at least I'm not. 

I don't know what you weigh, but if you're under 300, consider getting a cheap $10 scale from Wal-Mart. The analogs seem more accurate than digital to me.


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## Tina (Apr 10, 2007)

Not just gainers, but FAs, too. I remember reading a post here, years ago, by a guy who was totally stoked that his partner weighed more than the refrigerator. I thought it was cute.


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 10, 2007)

I'm still obsessed with the number 404, but some lunatic at the gym broke the scale. Every now and then I run in there to see if it's fixed, but not as often as before. It was merely a casual fixation in the beginning but I'm really surprised at the anxiety attack I've rehearsed upon myself hoping for that scale to get fixed.


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## Tina (Apr 10, 2007)

Wait... a lunatic broke the scale at the gym? I'd like to see video of that one!

Why 404, Lilly? Is that what you want to weigh, what you used to weigh -- what?


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 10, 2007)

Somewhere back in December I joined a gym. On my first day there I noticed a scale in the bathroom so for shits and giggles I climbed on to it. I saw that I had passed the 400 mark (402 I think it was), something I was not expecting to see. I mean, I was sorta expecting it to happen some day, but not within a span of mere months. At first I felt nothing but later I found myself crying uncontrollably for days. I had originally not planned to diet but I was getting a kneejerk response to do something stupid.

I decided to create an idiot's goal for myself. I figured since I was in the neighborhood anyway I would try to collect a strange souvenir. I want a picture of myself standing on the scale with the numbers '404' to represent the error message 'File Not Found.' It makes sense to no one but me so if it sounds nuts to you don't worry, it's supposed to. I'm not dieting, just exercising and looking at the scale for curious interest. Now that the scale is broken it has taken away one of my favorite toys.


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## Jay West Coast (Apr 10, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> ...consider getting a cheap $10 scale from Wal-Mart.


 
*grumbles in ideological opposition to buying anything at Wal-Mart* 

I suppose lots of people have an strange obsession with knowing their weight. Certain men and women are hyper-aware of their number, even if it doesn't actually fluctuate that much (from an FA's perspective, anyway). I even remember how when I was lifting a lot, I used to monitor my weight every time I went to the gym--four times a week.


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## imfree (Apr 10, 2007)

Hahaha!!!, I'm 412 and LOVE keeping up with it! I'll boldly
go where no man has gone before.


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## imfree (Apr 10, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> I'm not interested all that much in gaining, but I am obsessed with my number. I know my breaking point... the number that will put me over the edge mentally... but I also know the number I'd like to be. I do weigh myself quite a bit.


 Violet, just treat that cute, adorable BOD of yours with all the love,
respect, and kindness it deserves. HUGGZZ, Edgar


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 10, 2007)

Jay West Coast said:


> *grumbles in ideological opposition to buying anything at Wal-Mart*



Hey, a poor college student's gotta exploit who he's gotta exploit.


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## stan_der_man (Apr 10, 2007)

Ekim said:


> Does anyone else who's intentionally putting on weight have as close a connection with the scale as I do? I've never been all that consistent a gainer, dropping it for months at a time (one time a year), but whether I'm losing pounds or putting them on, I seem to have a compulsory attachment to the number. Granted, now I'm at college, I'm cut off from any scale (except for the one in the movie theater bathroom...shh), but I still think about it...too much. Anyone else in the same boat?



NO I'M NOT OBSESSIVE ABOUT GAINING TO ANY CERTAIN POINT! NO "MAGICAL" NUMBERS HERE DUDE. I'M PERFECTLY HAPPY AT NEVER BEING ABLE TO SURPASS 199.9 LBS! THAT NUMBER IS FINE WITH ME. IT'S A WONDERFUL NUMBER... I LOOSE SOME, I GAIN SOME... BUT NEVER OVER 199.9 LBS! Oops, I accidently pushed the CAP lock...

fa_man_stan


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## Tina (Apr 10, 2007)

*backs away from Stan* It's okay, Stan. Go to your happy place now, everything is all right.

:huh: 



I weigh myself every week or two. It's too easy to obsess over numbers, and as a woman, particularly, it's easy to fluctuate because of pre-menstrual water retention, and therefore, really easy to fixate. For me, the numbers are just a guide. I still intend to lose more weight, probably to the neighborhood of 300, and right now I'm about 340. It all seems to have come off of my face, shoulders, breasts and feet. It seems to stick to my butt and legs, so at this point, I expect I'll end up looking something like that guy in the waiting room in Beetlejuice -- you know, this guy ...?


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 10, 2007)

Exercising again started to unearth some freaky irrational behavior reminiscent of years ago when I was a gym rat and trying to lose. Seemed every one of my friends was losing but me. I feared that it wasn't going to work, that I was only going to cause myself injury, go broke, gain more, it was all a waste of time, nothing would change and everybody was going to be watching me and know that I was a failure, etc. etc. I knew it was going to be impossible for me to not look to at least check to see what affect the exercise was having on me. The 404 helped me to chill out some and not let myself go insane. I'm just going to go in, do my workout and leave. If I start to gain, I'm going to take a picture at 404 for fun. It was the best antidote to the fear I could come up with. Before the scale broke it had shown that I lost 9 pounds which I litterally did not believe, I believed the scale was malfunctioning or maybe I was standing on it wrong. I'm anxious to look again but I can't. Maybe it's for the best.


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## Tooz (Apr 10, 2007)

I don't know that I'm obsessed with numbers, really. 400 kinda scares me (I'm somewhat close to it). In the end, though, I guess it doesn't really matter. I recently weighed myself for the first time since I was 12, and at first I was a little shocked, but then I grounded myself with the realisation that I'm happy, healthy and active. Though, coming here I realise there is a huge misconception about weight (in the "outside" world). People often think 300+ automatically means mobility problems. For some people this may be the case, but it definitely isn't for me.


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## stan_der_man (Apr 10, 2007)

Tina said:


> *backs away from Stan* It's okay, Stan. Go to your happy place now, everything is all right.
> 
> :huh:



No worries.. I'm feeling much better now... Had a good lunch, relaxed a but, just received a call about a computer monitor going bonkers, I'll get some fresh air walking to the other building... 

Actually I gave up on trying to get up to 200 lbs a while back. I'm at about 185 lbs for the most part and only weigh myself occasionally now. As long as I feel healthy, and don't loose weight to the point where I feel my boney tail bone when I do sit-ups, I don't dwell on it...

fa_man_stan


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## crazygrad (Apr 10, 2007)

Dude, there's a SCALE in the movie theater????

How odd.


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## stan_der_man (Apr 10, 2007)

crazygrad said:


> Dude, there's a SCALE in the movie theater????
> 
> How odd.



Maybe it's a west coast thing, I've seen pay scales in arcades, movie theaters, at the mall or other places where there are video game / pinball machines.

fa_man_stan


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## liz (di-va) (Apr 10, 2007)

I gotta say....if I never had to weigh myself again, I wouldn't care. I haven't weighed myself for years. I very consciously threw scales out of my life as a way of reclaiming my body and my sanity years ago from the grips of compulsive dieting and eating disorders, and then just stopped bothering. Eventually, it turns out, I will probably have to know, for a few very specific reasons (titrating medicine, being on small planes!). I still haven't done it, though, just kinda worked around it. Not super-phobically, just...I dun't need the hassle.

I know what my body looks like now, how big it is--weight feels like a very crude measurement in just one dimension of it. And I still find scales fairly poisonous, pernicious things--in their effects, I mean. Numbers are just numbers. But I think it's very easy to get obsessed with numbers, even with the best or non-dieting intentions, whether salacious or health-oriented or whatever. The real sign of not caring in all this will be when I weigh myself and don't care, I suppose, but for me, it's just too loaded an activity, still. Or has the potential of it. Too easy to lean on stats to unconsciously decide which way life's going (if you see what I mean)....

Lilly: Love the 404 idea. Hee


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## ashmamma84 (Apr 10, 2007)

I'm not really obsessed with numbers, but I will say that every time I go to the doctor and I am weighed, I can't help but think about it. I'm over 200lbs and at first I was sorta in shock at the number (I'm quite short), but I guess I never thought about it before because I gauged my body in terms of how it felt and how I was able to move. Long story short - I love being over 200lbs. I didn't gain intentionally, I just happen to adore good (read - fattening) food.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 10, 2007)

Personally, I CAN'T weigh myself anymore- it drives me into a compulsive diet mode and self hatred/loathing. I'm much happier since I don't know. Recently, I had to visit the doctor- and told the doctor and nurse not to tell me my weight- I wouldn't even let the doctor tell me if I had gained weight since my last visit (I'm sure I have from my clothes but I just don't talk about it anymore). 
It was odd to me to see you saying you obsess over the scale to gain weight- I'm your polar opposite, it seems.


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## Ash (Apr 10, 2007)

I'm not obsessed with my number, but I'd really like to know what it is for sure. I can venture a pretty good guess, but the only scale I have access to only goes to 370. I outgrew that baby a year and a half ago. So I'm somewhere around 380, 390, 400 or something. I'm just too poor to purchase a good scale at the moment.


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## AnnMarie (Apr 10, 2007)

I don't own a scale... I think if I did I'd weigh myself more often, but for no reason other than general curiosity. I have no obsession with my number because it's rarely out of a 20lbs range (410-430lbs) and I'm fine with that. 

I gauge my size on comfort, clothes fitting, etc. And when something in that arena changes, then I do what I feel I need to do to correct it (walk more, drink more water, cut down on my heavy/order out lunches, etc)...usually fixes things. 

The number doesn't freak me out unless there are other issues that go along with it (discomfort, mobility issues, etc). So, if I stepped on a scale tomorrow and it read 475, I'd be pretty damn shocked, but nothing in my life would have changed... so whatever.


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## Chimpi (Apr 10, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Recently, I had to visit the doctor- and told the doctor and nurse not to tell me my weight- I wouldn't even let the doctor tell me if I had gained weight since my last visit



First of at, I believe it is normal to obsess over the number on the scale, so you are definately not alone. But, I am even more shocked that the doctor wouldn't be shoving it down your throat if you gained weight. My old doctor used to. What a bastard he was, that guy. 



AnnMarie said:


> The number doesn't freak me out. If I stepped on a scale tomorrow and it read 475, whatever. **NOTE: Quote modified*



Heeeeeeeeeeeeey baby. How you doin'?

As for myself, I feel that it's just a number, as well, and would not mind much if it changed in either direction.


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## MissToodles (Apr 10, 2007)

I try not to get too obessive over such things, because it can have such an astronomical effect on my self esteem. I'm filled with so many hormones, that I can gain easily 8 lbs when it's my time of the month. The only reason I try to pay attention is that I have a certain threshold that I don't want to go over, when my mobility becomes more compromised.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 10, 2007)

LOLOLOLOLOL.... OMG that is HILARIOUS!!!! 




Tina said:


> *backs away from Stan* It's okay, Stan. Go to your happy place now, everything is all right.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 11, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> First of at, I believe it is normal to obsess over the number on the scale, so you are definately not alone. But, I am even more shocked that the doctor wouldn't be shoving it down your throat if you gained weight. My old doctor used to. What a bastard he was, that guy.



I explained to her that I have an eating disorder and that is why I don't weigh anymore- nothing was said about my weight after that.


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## Mr. 23 (Apr 11, 2007)

Yeah, it's hard not to jump on the scale every day. Somehow I manage to summon the willpower not to do it.

But every now and then, I cave and see what it says.

209


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## ripley (Apr 11, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> I don't own a scale... I think if I did I'd weigh myself more often, but for no reason other than general curiosity. I have no obsession with my number because it's rarely out of a 20lbs range (410-430lbs) and I'm fine with that.



Totally OT  but how in the heck do you fit in that Old Navy 4X stuff? I'm a little lighter than you and I doubt they could shoehorn me into a 4X. I'd love to be able to buy it, so please tell me what your secret is!


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## AnnMarie (Apr 11, 2007)

ripley said:


> Totally OT  but how in the heck do you fit in that Old Navy 4X stuff? I'm a little lighter than you and I doubt they could shoehorn me into a 4X. I'd love to be able to buy it, so please tell me what your secret is!



Uhm... have you tried any of it? lol.... that's the whole point of my threads on it... some of it runs really, really big!!! 

I mean, obviously build has a lot to do with it, I'm smaller on top than on bottom, but I know a couple of people larger than me (by maybe 40-50lbs) who bought the 4x jersey pj pants and they fit them!


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 11, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Personally, I CAN'T weigh myself anymore- it drives me into a compulsive diet mode and self hatred/loathing. I'm much happier since I don't know. Recently, I had to visit the doctor- and told the doctor and nurse not to tell me my weight- I wouldn't even let the doctor tell me if I had gained weight since my last visit (I'm sure I have from my clothes but I just don't talk about it anymore).
> It was odd to me to see you saying you obsess over the scale to gain weight- I'm your polar opposite, it seems.



I have so many mental conflicts of interest going on... I'd rather not return to the obsession with wanting to lose and I fear it like you wouldn't believe. It has nothing to do with a desire to be smaller, I'd prefer to be bigger in all honesty. It's that I'm a driven person and thrive on productivity, numbers, charts, etc. I can't just exercise for the enjoyment, the chart process IS the enjoyment for me - it's like a trophy. And the pressure from my family to lose complicates matters tremendously. I become totally depressed when I start to lose because secretly I think I look awful. I hate the way I look with weight loss. Someone says 'weight loss' and I start backing away slowly. Still I have this desire to 'see' a result of my routine if that makes any sense? :blink: 

I've embraced the mindset of a body builder to keep myself from going insane. Believe me, 404 is the closest to sanity I could get under the circumstances. I've thought of getting a t-shirt made to wear at the gym.


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## imfree (Apr 11, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> I have so many mental conflicts of interest going on... I'd rather not return to the obsession with wanting to lose and I fear it like you wouldn't believe. It has nothing to do with a desire to be smaller, I'd prefer to be bigger in all honesty. It's that I'm a driven person and thrive on productivity, numbers, charts, etc. I can't just exercise for the enjoyment, the chart process IS the enjoyment for me - it's like a trophy. And the pressure from my family to lose complicates matters tremendously. I become totally depressed when I start to lose because secretly I think I look awful. I hate the way I look with weight loss. Someone says 'weight loss' and I start backing away slowly. Still I have this desire to 'see' a result of my routine if that makes any sense? :blink:
> 
> I've embraced the mindset of a body builder to keep myself from going insane. Believe me, 404 is the closest to sanity I could get under the circumstances. I've thought of getting a t-shirt made to wear at the gym.



I really love being big, too, and hate losing weight. I feel
very beautiful and sexy at 412. I am the most-hugged person at my
church. Love, self-acceptance, and my passion to use my massive
body to love and comfort others are powerful.


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## ripley (Apr 11, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> Uhm... have you tried any of it? lol.... that's the whole point of my threads on it... some of it runs really, really big!!!
> 
> I mean, obviously build has a lot to do with it, I'm smaller on top than on bottom, but I know a couple of people larger than me (by maybe 40-50lbs) who bought the 4x jersey pj pants and they fit them!



No I haven't, smartarse. I saw the threads and I didn't realize how ginormous you were till you said, so I just assumed you were 26/28 or whatever.

On a side note, and so totally OT it's not funny...I bought an outfit from Junonia, track pants and a matching shirt. They're the same size, and the top is a tad too snug and the pants are fallin' off big. Ugh. Mail order sucks sometimes.


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## RedHotAva (Apr 11, 2007)

I was utterly obsessed with the number on the scale for years and years. Any fluctuation would send me into a frenzy. However, I have been in the same ballpark for the past few years, and since I am confident that I am naturally staying the same size, my number doesnt freak me out anymore. I usually only weigh myself if I feel like I've been stress eating and I want to confirm any damage, or if I am just curious about how my period/Easter gorge-fest/healthy eating/whatever is affecting my weight on a given day. Even if I am up or down by like, 10 lbs, it doesn't scare me anymore because I know that my body is at it's balanced state, and I'm not going to gain or lose any real net weight.


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## Jay West Coast (Apr 11, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> I have so many mental conflicts of interest going on... I'd rather not return to the obsession with wanting to lose and I fear it like you wouldn't believe. It has nothing to do with a desire to be smaller, I'd prefer to be bigger in all honesty. It's that I'm a driven person and thrive on productivity, numbers, charts, etc. I can't just exercise for the enjoyment, the chart process IS the enjoyment for me - it's like a trophy. And the pressure from my family to lose complicates matters tremendously. I become totally depressed when I start to lose because secretly I think I look awful. I hate the way I look with weight loss. Someone says 'weight loss' and I start backing away slowly. Still I have this desire to 'see' a result of my routine if that makes any sense? :blink:
> 
> I've embraced the mindset of a body builder to keep myself from going insane. Believe me, 404 is the closest to sanity I could get under the circumstances. I've thought of getting a t-shirt made to wear at the gym.


 
So you're psychologically pinned between an innate preference to be bigger and an innate desire to achieve visible productivity in something such as an exercise program?

Doesn't sounds like paradise, but I can see why you'd end up wanting to do something like the 404 Project.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 11, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> I have so many mental conflicts of interest going on... I'd rather not return to the obsession with wanting to lose and I fear it like you wouldn't believe. It has nothing to do with a desire to be smaller, I'd prefer to be bigger in all honesty. It's that I'm a driven person and thrive on productivity, numbers, charts, etc. I can't just exercise for the enjoyment, the chart process IS the enjoyment for me - it's like a trophy. And the pressure from my family to lose complicates matters tremendously. I become totally depressed when I start to lose because secretly I think I look awful. I hate the way I look with weight loss. Someone says 'weight loss' and I start backing away slowly. Still I have this desire to 'see' a result of my routine if that makes any sense? :blink:
> 
> I've embraced the mindset of a body builder to keep myself from going insane. Believe me, 404 is the closest to sanity I could get under the circumstances. I've thought of getting a t-shirt made to wear at the gym.



My biggest problem with weight loss isn't how I look but it's how hurt it makes me feel inside when people act like it's such a big deal- like I'm suddenly a "better" person for it all - when I know I'm the same. I feel like they really missed something important about me if my weight is such a big deal to them. On the other hand though, the way I have obsessed over my own weight my whole life, I'm in no position to "judge" anyone for it either.


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 11, 2007)

There is so much stigma attached to whatever you do. If you're actively trying to lose weight, gain weight, or stay the same there will always be someone to call your sanity into question. Sometimes it's you.  

I would really that 404. It's my revenge. To hell with all of them! *shakes fist*


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## imfree (Apr 11, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> There is so much stigma attached to whatever you do. If you're actively trying to lose weight, gain weight, or stay the same there will always be someone to call your sanity into question. Sometimes it's you.
> 
> I would really that 404. It's my revenge. To hell with all of them! *shakes fist*


 That's a good number, Lilly. Everyone else is in 404-Error.


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## AnnMarie (Apr 11, 2007)

ripley said:


> No I haven't, smartarse. I saw the threads and I didn't realize how ginormous you were till you said, so I just assumed you were 26/28 or whatever.




LOL... ok, I'm rolling around on the floor here. Funniest post I've read in weeks. 

And I read a LOT Of posts, so that's a tall order. 

I'm ginormous.


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## GPL (Apr 12, 2007)

Ashley said:


> I'm not obsessed with my number, but I'd really like to know what it is for sure. I can venture a pretty good guess, but the only scale I have access to only goes to 370. I outgrew that baby a year and a half ago. So I'm somewhere around 380, 390, 400 or something. I'm just too poor to purchase a good scale at the moment.



Nice current profile picture, babe! Love the dress:wubu: Whatever you weigh, your pounds look awesome on you


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## philosobear (Apr 12, 2007)

once a numbers person always a numbers person. I was a numbers person when I was trying to be thinner, and I am a numbers person now I'd like to be fatter. I've restricted myself to weighing myself on the pay scales in the market in town no more than once a week, to stop it getting annoying. I have any number of magic numbers....round numbers, usually! I've wanted to be 14 stone (196 pounds) for ages...I'm getting pretty near that one...then it's the nearest American round number, 200 pounds...further up, for some reason, the magic numbers become odd. I'd love to see what it would be like to be 23 stone (322 pounds)....

At the moment the numbers thing is fun, but I've had an easy ride with numbers, and they can turn on you if weight becomes problematised. 

Good thread!


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## tinkerbell (Apr 12, 2007)

I know I really don't want to go over 300 lbs...I came really REALLY close to it, but never saw the scale go to 300. I do know what weight I'd like to be too. I get on the scale too much. But I don't usually freak out at the numbers, since I do realize that I weigh more at night fully clothed than I do in the morning naked


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## Buckeye Born (Apr 12, 2007)

I tend to have too much of a connection to the scale, probably weigh myself too often. My favorite is the doctor's scale, just enjoy it when the number is larger than it was last visit. Seeing earlier entries in this thread, there IS a scale in the local movie theater rest room, never understood that, seems sort of like putting a scale in Baskin-Robbins or something.


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## tjw1971 (Apr 15, 2007)

I dunno. For the longest time, I had a cheap analog scale like that (I think it actually did come from Wal-Mart too!). It was pretty accurate with weights someplace around the middle range. (Since I weighed around 165-170, it always agreed with what I weighed on other scales.) But if I ever tried to use it to weigh smaller boxes for shipping, the shipping places always told me I was way off. So I learned it wasn't too accurate for things weighing only like 30-50lbs.

But not that long ago, I was seeing a woman who weighed herself on it and was kind of surprised she'd lost some weight, because it said she was 285 - and she thought she was still closer to 300. But the next week, she tried weighing herself on her mom's digital scale and it said 314. And her doctor's scale said 315 a month or so after that.

That was especially interesting to me, too, because a woman I dated some time earlier once told me she weighed "about 285". But back then, I thought she had to be much heavier than that. She was a former gymnast for one thing, and had quite a bit of muscle along with her fat. But considering a number of furniture breaking incidents she had while I knew her, plus the way my whole house used to vibrate whenever she jogged down the hall to grab the phone or to get the door (which was *way* sexy, by the way - hehe), I thought 285 was a *way* low number.

Now it all makes sense though. She didn't have a scale at home, so she got her 285 number from my stupid Wal-Mart scale, which apparently weighed everybody as 285 if they're anything over that!

I've since thrown it in the trash and bought a new digital.




TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Lots of people are fascinated by the numbers. For better or worse, count me in. We just aren't accurate without a scale, or at least I'm not.
> 
> I don't know what you weigh, but if you're under 300, consider getting a cheap $10 scale from Wal-Mart. The analogs seem more accurate than digital to me.


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