# HOW DO I LOOK? Misunderstands a Supergoddess



## Ned Sonntag (Oct 12, 2010)

http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/videos/v72614_how-do-i-look-work-it-girl.html Wow they all look like they're ready to strangle each other at the end. Jennifer a plus-size 80s-themed Supergoddess comes on and the Crew just doesn't understand what they're seeing. She understands her proportions perfectly and they completely screw the job up.:doh: Usually they do so well!!


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 12, 2010)

Um, I'm not seeing a fat woman. I'm seeing a woman with large breasts and way too much hair who might think of herself as fat, but isn't. I also disagree with your assessment that 'she understands her proportions perfectly.' Just because _you_ might like the way she was dressed in the Flashdance top, leggings and lacy black cami, I don't think her workplace or most people on the street would think it's a flattering look on her at all. ...Unless she works at an '80s-themed gym, or is a street businesswoman. The red dress they put her in is much more flattering on her than her own outfit. Not work appropriate, no. But she'd get much more positive attention if she went out for drinks in the red dress than her own fugly Flashdance revival. Personally, I think she'd look 10 years younger if she stopped tanning at the salon so damn much, stopped frying her hair with 'highlights,' cut a majority of it off, and invested in some well-fitting jeans and comfortable flats. She looks overdone and older than her actual age, which is not a good look for her at all.


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## Ash (Oct 12, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Um, I'm not seeing a fat woman. I'm seeing a woman with large breasts and way too much hair who might think of herself as fat, but isn't. I also disagree with your assessment that 'she understands her proportions perfectly.' Just because _you_ might like the way she was dressed in the Flashdance top, leggings and lacy black cami, I don't think her workplace or most people on the street would think it's a flattering look on her at all. ...Unless she works at an '80s-themed gym, or is a street businesswoman. The red dress they put her in is much more flattering on her than her own outfit. Not work appropriate, no. But she'd get much more positive attention if she went out for drinks in the red dress than her own fugly Flashdance revival. Personally, I think she'd look 10 years younger if she stopped tanning at the salon so damn much, stopped frying her hair with 'highlights,' cut a majority of it off, and invested in some well-fitting jeans and comfortable flats. She looks overdone and older than her actual age, which is not a good look for her at all.



Did anyone even say fat? Ned said "plus-sized," and that she is. 

Also, I hate the concept of "flattering" clothing. What does it mean, exactly? It makes the body look different in what way? Everyone always talks about clothing that is "flattering" in a way that makes it sound almost exactly like "slimming."


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## CastingPearls (Oct 12, 2010)

I just saw a beautiful girl. Color me simplistic.


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## Brenda (Oct 12, 2010)

I don't think she looks so much thinner in the after but rather more stylish.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 12, 2010)

Ashley said:


> Did anyone even say fat? Ned said "plus-sized," and that she is.
> 
> Also, I hate the concept of "flattering" clothing. What does it mean, exactly? It makes the body look different in what way? Everyone always talks about clothing that is "flattering" in a way that makes it sound almost exactly like "slimming."



I don't mean flattering in terms of changing what her body looks like, but flattering in terms of how people perceive you based on what you're wearing. It's the same reason I tell the young black high school boys at my school that sagging pants are inappropriate. I really don't care if they wear them at school (although I don't like seeing their boxers when their pants hang _too_ low), and I understand a high school kid's need to fit in and dress like their peers. But if he's going out looking for a job, any potential employer is going to get one impression from his sagging pants and visible boxers. If he wants to change that impression, he needs to wear appropriate pants that fit him and that he can tuck a shirt into.

The same goes for this woman's own outfit. It gives a certain impression. It ages her and doesn't attract positive attention. She _is_ a pretty woman, but she could look so much more attractive and youthful if she dressed differently and tossed out half her bottles of hair product.


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## CarlaSixx (Oct 12, 2010)

Brenda said:


> I don't think she looks so much thinner in the after but rather more stylish.



Exactly! That's the most important part. 

Flattering doesn't have to mean slimmer, just more presentable.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 12, 2010)

Ashley said:


> Did anyone even say fat? Ned said "plus-sized," and that she is.



Using terms like 'supergoddess' usually indicates to me that the person being described is fat. Many clothing retailers use the term 'goddess-sized' (which I hate) for clothing for 'supersized'/very fat women. I think you can understand my misconception.


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## mossystate (Oct 12, 2010)

Errrrrr...she wasn't kidnapped and forced to like that red dress. How did they " screw it up ", if the women wearing the dress liked the dress? Unless the OP understands her better than she understands herself?  She will probably go on liking the Peg Bundy look _and_ the new duds.


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## Ned Sonntag (Oct 13, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I don't mean flattering in terms of changing what her body looks like, but flattering in terms of how people perceive you based on what you're wearing. It's the same reason I tell the young black high school boys at my school that sagging pants are inappropriate. I really don't care if they wear them at school (although I don't like seeing their boxers when their pants hang _too_ low), and I understand a high school kid's need to fit in and dress like their peers. But if he's going out looking for a job, any potential employer is going to get one impression from his sagging pants and visible boxers. If he wants to change that impression, he needs to wear appropriate pants that fit him and that he can tuck a shirt into.
> 
> The same goes for this woman's own outfit. It gives a certain impression. It ages her and doesn't attract positive attention. She _is_ a pretty woman, but she could look so much more attractive and youthful if she dressed differently and tossed out half her bottles of hair product.


I wasn't going to mention it but she could still pass for late-20s as Eighties Girl but looked 40 in the new getup with the straightened copper-colored hairdo... She IS quite plus-size and mentioned having been considerably larger before having studied nutrition and working-out... she was as tall as the designer-guy who gave her that awkward hug at the end... watch the whole thing if you get a chance and see how tense they all are... she is NOT happy and parted with all that hair because she was committed to cooperate at that point...


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## Ned Sonntag (Oct 13, 2010)

mossystate said:


> Errrrrr...she wasn't kidnapped and forced to like that red dress. How did they " screw it up ", if the women wearing the dress liked the dress? Unless the OP understands her better than she understands herself?  She will probably go on liking the Peg Bundy look _and_ the new duds.


 Basically I think her sister-in-law had pushed to get her on the show and she was stuck acceding to the crew's view that the Girl needed to stop Just Wanting To Have Fun. I... still don't see where the Flashdance-look and giant accessories would give her less credibility as a Nutritionist, but I defer to you women who are out there in the workplace and dealing with this stuff day-to-day...:bow:


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## Ned Sonntag (Oct 13, 2010)

If your look is a full 25 years out-of-date it's Classic!! The MAD MEN corset&hairspray look is hip again but Peg Bundy's tacky? Where's the justice?


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## Tooz (Oct 13, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> way too much hair



That's fucking catty. I think her hair is cute, actually.

Jesus fucking christ.

The whole post smacks of cattiness.


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## TraciJo67 (Oct 13, 2010)

Tooz said:


> That's fucking catty. I think her hair is cute, actually.
> 
> Jesus fucking christ.
> 
> The whole post smacks of cattiness.


 
I liked her hair, too. But I agree with TG about the outfit, which is fine for personal use (not my taste, but then, button-downs, loafers, and sweater sets are clearly not hers, either) but WHOA @ work. That sends a message, even for someone employed as a nutritionist, and the message is probably not one that she wants an employer to receive.


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## MissStacie (Oct 13, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Um, I'm not seeing a fat woman. I'm seeing a woman with large breasts and way too much hair who might think of herself as fat, but isn't. I also disagree with your assessment that 'she understands her proportions perfectly.' Just because _you_ might like the way she was dressed in the Flashdance top, leggings and lacy black cami, I don't think her workplace or most people on the street would think it's a flattering look on her at all. ...*Unless she works at an '80s-themed gym, or is a street businesswoman.* The red dress they put her in is much more flattering on her than her own outfit. Not work appropriate, no. But she'd get much more positive attention if she went out for drinks in the red dress than her own fugly Flashdance revival. Personally, I think she'd look 10 years younger if *she stopped tanning at the salon so damn much, stopped frying her hair with 'highlights,' cut a majority of it off, and invested in some well-fitting jeans and comfortable flats.* She looks overdone and older than her actual age, which is not a good look for her at all.




A "street businesswoman", aka a HOOKER? I really don't think that this girl looks like a hooker in her outfit. What an uncalled for assessment! 

Also, she doesn't look overtanned. Her skin has color to it,but you can also tell that she's not 100% Caucasian. Maybe some Latina in her? Not sure, but she's definately not overtanned. Her hair? Well, for someone her age(I'm thinking maybe mid-late 20's?) its her style, and the highlights are not horrible, either. Is it my style? Nope, but with her being so tall and buxom, she might think that she needs more hair to "balance" herself a bit, which is a common misconception of a lot of women.

She said she's not comfortable in jeans, so why should she invest in some? Flats? Why not work her height?? 

All the way around, TG, you cut this poor woman down, and I don't think it was fair. Having had you rail on me for "judging" some women, I'd be inclined to say you are being a hypocrit, but I won't.


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## Tooz (Oct 13, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> I liked her hair, too. But I agree with TG about the outfit, which is fine for personal use (not my taste, but then, button-downs, loafers, and sweater sets are clearly not hers, either) but WHOA @ work. That sends a message, even for someone employed as a nutritionist, and the message is probably not one that she wants an employer to receive.



Well, there's saying it like you did, and then there's saying it like she did.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 13, 2010)

Ned Sonntag said:


> I wasn't going to mention it but she could still pass for late-20s as Eighties Girl but looked 40 in the new getup with the straightened copper-colored hairdo... She IS quite plus-size and mentioned having been considerably larger before having studied nutrition and working-out... she was as tall as the designer-guy who gave her that awkward hug at the end... watch the whole thing if you get a chance and see how tense they all are... she is NOT happy and parted with all that hair because she was committed to cooperate at that point...



This is what I saw in the clip you posted: the woman walked out in leggings, a faded green Flashdance top, with a lacy cami underneath. She was shown "the collection" by the host of the show, tried on two outfits from the collection, was assessed by the host, and stated she loved how she looked in the red dress. When she appeared in the red dress, her hair was not straightened, but still piled in a big mountain of curls, with a bad 'highlight' job. That's all that was available in the clip you posted, and on that I made my judgment of her appearance.

Again, I disagree that she's "quite plus sized," as you put it. I consider her body of average size and shape, what I'd call "healthy," although of course I know nothing about her actual health, and nor should I, since her health is none of my business. It's the term I use to describe people of average weight/size.



Ned Sonntag said:


> If your look is a full 25 years out-of-date it's Classic!! The MAD MEN corset&hairspray look is hip again but Peg Bundy's tacky? Where's the justice?



I prefer a classic look to a trashy one.



Tooz said:


> That's fucking catty. I think her hair is cute, actually.
> 
> Jesus fucking christ.
> 
> The whole post smacks of cattiness.



I've never liked the big hair look on anyone, even in the '80s. I prefer hair to be sleek, shorter and close to the head. If you want to rock the big hair look, go for it. I won't like it any better on you than anyone else, though. That's just my opinion, and I think I have a right to express it. I'm sorry you don't like that I chose to express it, but I really think that's your issue to deal with and not mine. 



MissStacie said:


> A "street businesswoman", aka a HOOKER? I really don't think that this girl looks like a hooker in her outfit. What an uncalled for assessment!



I dare you to wear the same outfit while walking around your town and not have people assume you're a working girl. Nothing wrong with being a working girl and I advocate for having it legalized, getting them healthcare and having particular areas of cities zoned specifically for those who are in the sex work trade so that they can practice their trade in relative safety. But if you're wearing an outfit that is specifically designed for people to notice certain parts of your body (high heels push out the butt; leggings hug the butt in ways that I prefer to only be seen in private, if not covered by a long tunic or sweater), people are going to notice and assume that you want to be seen for a reason.



MissStacie said:


> Also, she doesn't look overtanned. Her skin has color to it,but you can also tell that she's not 100% Caucasian. Maybe some Latina in her? Not sure, but she's definately not overtanned.



Perhaps she's Latina. Hard to tell in a 60 second clip that I watched only once. On first glance, she looked overtanned to me.



MissStacie said:


> Her hair? Well, for someone her age(I'm thinking maybe mid-late 20's?) its her style, and the highlights are not horrible, either. Is it my style? Nope, but with her being so tall and buxom, she might think that she needs more hair to "balance" herself a bit, which is a common misconception of a lot of women.



As I wrote above, I've never liked big hair on anyone. I prefer to see hair that's sleek, shorter and close to the head. 



MissStacie said:


> She said she's not comfortable in jeans, so why should she invest in some? Flats? Why not work her height??



Because I prefer to see women wearing clothing that is classic, chic and comfortable. Again, what I shared is my _opinion_, not a design for living. I think the woman's personal style definitely needed an update. But I also believe one should always feel comfortable in the clothes they wear. If she doesn't like jeans (although I believe she's making that assessment without really giving them a chance) then she's not going to wear them, and we'll continue to have one more unstylish woman with big hair walking the planet. Trust me, I won't lose any sleep over it.



MissStacie said:


> All the way around, TG, you cut this poor woman down, and I don't think it was fair. Having had you rail on me for "judging" some women, I'd be inclined to say you are being a hypocrit, but I won't.



I didn't cut down "the poor woman." I made no judgments about her body, other than the fact that I don't feel she's particularly fat or very plus sized, and I made no judgments about who she is. The judgments I made were about her _personal style_ and how she chooses to present herself to the world with her hair and clothing. That has nothing to do with her body.

And for the record, hypocrite is spelled with an 'e.'


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## MisticalMisty (Oct 13, 2010)

Can you post ANYWHERE without causing a fucking fire storm? Seriously.

We get it. No one has fashion sense but you. No one has great hair but you. No one has the right skin color, eye color, hair color, body shape, weight etc.

We get it. You're miserable and you feel the need to spew your opinion all over the damn board and shit on every fucking thread. 

It would be nice to see one positive comment from you. Just one.


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## CastingPearls (Oct 13, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> This is what I saw in the clip you posted: the woman walked out in leggings, a faded green Flashdance top, with a lacy cami underneath. She was shown "the collection" by the host of the show, tried on two outfits from the collection, was assessed by the host, and stated she loved how she looked in the red dress. When she appeared in the red dress, her hair was not straightened, but still piled in a big mountain of curls, with a bad 'highlight' job. That's all that was available in the clip you posted, and on that I made my judgment of her appearance.
> 
> Again, I disagree that she's "quite plus sized," as you put it. I consider her body of average size and shape, what I'd call "healthy," although of course I know nothing about her actual health, and nor should I, since her health is none of my business. It's the term I use to describe people of average weight/size.
> 
> ...



You made no judgments against her body...no. But you did basically tear her apart, as you so often say, is your right, your 'truth', you're entitled to your opinion, you're an opinionated person....okay..whatever....You seem to take great delight in poisoning every single discussion you show an interest in with your negativity and condescension.

What could possibly be the motivation to be so unbelievably critical, abrasive and judgmental. 

I have to give you props for one thing...from thread to thread, at least you're consistent.


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## cinnamitch (Oct 13, 2010)

That's not big hair. I am from Texas, where we wear our big "har" proudly


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## Tooz (Oct 13, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I've never liked the big hair look on anyone, even in the '80s. I prefer hair to be sleek, shorter and close to the head. If you want to rock the big hair look, go for it. I won't like it any better on you than anyone else, though. That's just my opinion, and I think I have a right to express it. I'm sorry you don't like that I chose to express it, but I really think that's your issue to deal with and not mine.



It is the way you chose to express it. There is this thing-- maybe you've heard of it? It's called "tact." It's that thing where you, y'know, express things in a constructive and non-abrasive way? I can send you an educational pamphlet if you'd like.

Before I got to the condescending nature of your last statement, I'd say you were much more tactful in this post.

Oh, and picking apart every last bit of other people's grammar/spelling? So very high school. Oh, wait...where did you work again?


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 14, 2010)

MisticalMisty said:


> Can you post ANYWHERE without causing a fucking fire storm? Seriously.
> 
> We get it. No one has fashion sense but you. No one has great hair but you. No one has the right skin color, eye color, hair color, body shape, weight etc.



I think you're looking too hard for things that aren't there. I've made many a positive comment about others' personal style here when I feel it's merited. Ask those in the clothing/fashion thread for whom I've commented positively, provided your narrow scope of vision, which seems to be trained on the 'many' negative things I say, is large enough to pick up the positive, too.

I felt Ned was not looking at the woman in his clip with a critical eye, aside from seeing her as fatter than she actually is (or "quite plus size," as he put it). He likes the Peg Bundy look; good for him. But, from the perspective of a woman who has spent a lot of time working on her personal style and has done a pretty good job, if I do say so myself, I felt it might he might need some help in seeing things differently, with a more critical eye, and realizing that just because he sees someone as a "supergoddess" (a very limiting way of putting a woman on a pedestal in an attempt to meet his own physical fantasy), some women who are _not_ on pedestals might see things differently.



MisticalMisty said:


> We get it. You're miserable and you feel the need to spew your opinion all over the damn board and shit on every fucking thread.



Ah, I see you've got me all figured out and know me extremely well. Where would I be without your knowledge, Dr. Freud?



MisticalMisty said:


> It would be nice to see one positive comment from you. Just one.



Again, you might want to work on widening your narrow scope of vision. If you look too hard for the negative and not the positive, negative is all you'll find.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 14, 2010)

Tooz said:


> It is the way you chose to express it. There is this thing-- maybe you've heard of it? It's called "tact." It's that thing where you, y'know, express things in a constructive and non-abrasive way? I can send you an educational pamphlet if you'd like.
> 
> Before I got to the condescending nature of your last statement, I'd say you were much more tactful in this post.
> 
> Oh, and picking apart every last bit of other people's grammar/spelling? So very high school. Oh, wait...where did you work again?



I'm sorry I don't 'play nice' enough to make you happy. I'm an opinionated person and I speak my mind. If you'd like people to play by your rules, I suggest you stop spending time on internet forums. We people are such unpredictable things and you can never control what we say or do, much as you might like to.

And for the record, I've seen many a spelling and grammatical error on this site that has gone uncommented by me. I felt Miss Stacie needed a bit of correction, seeing how she was playing so damn nice with me.


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## TraciJo67 (Oct 14, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I'm sorry I don't 'play nice' enough to make you happy. I'm an opinionated person and I speak my mind. If you'd like people to play by your rules, I suggest you stop spending time on internet forums. We people are such unpredictable things and you can never control what we say or do, much as you might like to.
> 
> And for the record, I've seen many a spelling and grammatical error on this site that has gone uncommented by me. I felt Miss Stacie needed a bit of correction, seeing how she was playing so damn nice with me.


 
I love you, thirtiesgirl. I think you speak your mind, rather bluntly, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that you are tactless. I get that you were just offering an opinion, although I do think it was unkind (then again, we're not talking about a Dims participant -- this refers to a stranger who appeared on TV and opened herself up for exactly this kind of feedback). I have a family member who dresses like that woman in question, including the big hair, loads of makeup, skin tight clothes - and she is plus-size and also past 40. Her style is not my style, and sometimes I cringe when I see her eye-poppingly tight shirts and miles of cleavage - and she seems completely oblivious to the reaction she gets in public, and from her teenage children's peers. But then, it's what makes her feel good. She believes that she looks amazing, and who is to say that my less positive opinion is the objectively correct one? You speak as if you are a stylish icon, and from how you describe your personal taste, I'd probably agree that you are. But then, I also know that some people would think that my idea of style (think "American Eagle Outfitters meets the local librarian") is boring and dated. While I think it's timeless and classy. WHO IS RIGHT? (I demand that you say I am).

My grandmother is 84 and she rocks it with sheer see-through blouses (the kind that teenagers wear with camis) - and she wears nothing but a white bra underneath. She wears clothes that I would frankly feel uncomfortable in -- because I think they're designed for women who are much younger than me. But she feels great wearing what she does, and nowadays, I think ... you go, old girl. You freakin' go. I think that what people feel they look best in -- no matter what the rest of us might think, even if there were such a thing as an objective perspective (and there is, when it comes to employment) -- is what people should be wearing.


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## spiritangel (Oct 14, 2010)

Ok I have read this thread thouroughly and it seems an aweful lot of opinion and strong judgement for what is it a half hour of tv and some light entertainment?


with a woman we know nothing about as a person, shrugs mayby she wanted to look her age for a change? what is the harm if she feels happy and confident in her new look?

and yes we are all entitled to voice our opinions but when negativity is thrown into almost everythread you may be left with no one who can be bothered reading or responding to them. Just a thought


Personally Id rather see GoK Wan dress the bigger girls as he does an awesome job and never once says girl your to fat ect


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## AuntHen (Oct 14, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> You made no judgments against her body...no. But you did basically tear her apart, as you so often say, is your right, your 'truth', you're entitled to your opinion, you're an opinionated person....okay..whatever....You seem to take great delight in poisoning every single discussion you show an interest in with your negativity and condescension.
> 
> What could possibly be the motivation to be so unbelievably critical, abrasive and judgmental.
> 
> I have to give you props for one thing...from thread to thread, at least you're consistent.




I can't rep this woman


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 14, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> I love you, thirtiesgirl. I think you speak your mind, rather bluntly, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that you are tactless.



Thanks. That's one vote of confidence. 



TraciJo67 said:


> I get that you were just offering an opinion, although I do think it was unkind (then again, we're not talking about a Dims participant -- this refers to a stranger who appeared on TV and opened herself up for exactly this kind of feedback). I have a family member who dresses like that woman in question, including the big hair, loads of makeup, skin tight clothes - and she is plus-size and also past 40. Her style is not my style, and sometimes I cringe when I see her eye-poppingly tight shirts and miles of cleavage - and she seems completely oblivious to the reaction she gets in public, and from her teenage children's peers. But then, it's what makes her feel good. She believes that she looks amazing, and who is to say that my less positive opinion is the objectively correct one? You speak as if you are a stylish icon, and from how you describe your personal taste, I'd probably agree that you are. But then, I also know that some people would think that my idea of style (think "American Eagle Outfitters meets the local librarian") is boring and dated. While I think it's timeless and classy. WHO IS RIGHT? (I demand that you say I am).
> 
> My grandmother is 84 and she rocks it with sheer see-through blouses (the kind that teenagers wear with camis) - and she wears nothing but a white bra underneath. She wears clothes that I would frankly feel uncomfortable in -- because I think they're designed for women who are much younger than me. But she feels great wearing what she does, and nowadays, I think ... you go, old girl. You freakin' go. I think that what people feel they look best in -- no matter what the rest of us might think, even if there were such a thing as an objective perspective (and there is, when it comes to employment) -- is what people should be wearing.



I'm all for women who are of retirement age wearing whatever the hell they want. When I'm in my 80s, if I want to wear hotpants and midriff-baring tops, I'll damn well wear it. I would hope that someone would put me out of my misery if I ever dressed that ridiculously, but by the time I'm that age, I'm sure I won't care. I also plan on indulging in recreational drugs, unprotected sex, and lots of other unhealthy things once I'm nearing death's door. I'm gonna have me a good time.

But when you're a woman of employable age, perhaps you have children, and/or maybe you're looking for a romantic partner, you might want to think about the image you're projecting to other people. If you want to find a partner who respects you for who you are, you're going to have a harder time doing that in leggings and a Flashdance top than you would in something a little more stylish. If you want to come talk to your kid's teachers at school without having all his friends make fun of and/or leer at you, you might want to wear something a little less body conscious and revealing.

Just last week, the mother of a 10th grade girl on my counseling case load came to school to talk with me about her daughter's credits. The mother's proportions were that of a much taller, slightly bigger boned Marilyn Monroe. She's a pretty woman, but she made herself look very unattractive and laughable with the way she chose to dress. She doesn't work, so she had all day to come to campus to see me. She chose, however, to show up right near the end of the school day, when she knew all the students would be leaving campus and be sure to see her in her outfit. She was wearing a very short, tight, low-cut red dress, of the kind you might see a woman in her 20s, or a more desperate woman in her 50s, wearing out for cocktails. The dress revealed almost the entirety of her breasts. She was wearing very high heels, unnecessary to walk across a high school campus. Her hair was almost as big as the woman on How Do I Look, and very overprocessed blonde. Her lips were so glossy, they looked like they were going to stick together, and she had enough turquoise eyeliner on to rival Cyndi Lauper circa 1984.

Right as we finished the meeting, the bell rang for the end of the school day. I walked her out of my office to the main office door just as a bunch of kids poured into the hallway, leaving school. I saw many a young high school boy do a quick once-over of the mom, several of whom tried to hide their smirks behind their hands, and a few who couldn't manage that and actually made whooping noises as they ran out the front door.

I'm sure she thought she looked sexy as hell and loved the attention she received. I don't think her daughter feels the same way about how her mother chooses to dress, though. In addition, several staff members who saw the woman on campus came up to me later to ask who she was. Not because they were interested in getting to know her, but because they couldn't help commenting on her inappropriate outfit.

That's why I go all Stacey London on women who choose to dress in ways that I don't feel do them any justice. Women get enough bad press as it is. Why give people more fuel for the fire? You can think you look amazing all you want, but I'm not going to tell someone they look amazing if I feel they're doing themselves a disservice. Whether they choose to take my advice or not is their business. If they want to keep dressing in ways that will not help them get much positive attention, so be it. If they're ready to try something different, I'll happily offer them some suggestions, or direct them to people who are much better than I am at putting together chic, noticeable outfits that call attention to one's positive traits.


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## spiritangel (Oct 15, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> That's why I go all Stacey London on women who choose to dress in ways that I don't feel do them any justice. Women get enough bad press as it is. Why give people more fuel for the fire? You can think you look amazing all you want, but I'm not going to tell someone they look amazing if I feel they're doing themselves a disservice. Whether they choose to take my advice or not is their business. If they want to keep dressing in ways that will not help them get much positive attention, so be it. If they're ready to try something different, I'll happily offer them some suggestions, or direct them to people who are much better than I am at putting together chic, noticeable outfits that call attention to one's positive traits.




Why is everything about how you think and feel. did I miss a memo saying that you were the person I had to ask to make sure I dressed appropriately for my body type?

Sorry but seriously you need to pull the pole out of your arse and realise what makes the world an amazing and wonderful place is diversity.

I say kudos to anyone who dresses the way *THEY LIKE AND ENJOY*

You do realise it isnt always about dressing for other people?

Having opinions is one thing but the wild assumptions that go with what people are wearing astounds me

I shared a flat with someone whose best mate dressed in faded surf wear and who often looked like an unemployed man, based on that fact you would have dismissed him as a person well gues what? Said man is the owner of a multi million $$$ surfboard/surfwear making company!

I cannot imagine what you say about the women who go on shows like Jerry Springer and the like wearing little

in case you havent noticed FYI skimpy outfits have been in fashion for quite some years and the current look is somewhat "slutty" for want of a better word

yes you can choose to buck trend but not everyone is gonna do that and to be honest if it makes you happy what is the harm we cant all be fashion snobs!

I love that we can all express ourselves through fashion that we dont all have to be sheep and baaa along to one persons standards.

You seem so bitter and angry at life and others who want to enjoy life mayby you need to look within and stop judging yourself and others so harshly?

I cannot believe how a harmless thread has become yet another soapbox for you to stand on.............................................


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## Inhibited (Oct 15, 2010)

I think the wrong video comes up when i click on the link, is this the right one? and if so is that the red dress at the end the everyone is talking about?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLdd2HjRCl0

If that is the right clip i luv the red dress, i was thinking of something tight and unflattering the way ppl were going on about it.. I would for sure wear a dress like that if i had the right shape for it. I think the dress it the right fit for her body type and is very flattering..


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## Tania (Oct 15, 2010)

I would totally wear either the red dress OR the sweatshirt/leggings.


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## kayrae (Oct 15, 2010)

No kidding. I would too. But I can't rock the hair. I don't have enough


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## Tania (Oct 15, 2010)

Hairfalls! You can do eet!


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 15, 2010)

spiritangel said:


> Why is everything about how you think and feel. did I miss a memo saying that you were the person I had to ask to make sure I dressed appropriately for my body type?



Hon, it's an _opinion_, not a design for living. If you don't like my choice to express my opinion, put me on ignore. Don't make _your_ feelings about my opinion_ my_ issue. It's yours and yours alone to deal with, the way most healthy adults do.



spiritangel said:


> You do realise it isnt always about dressing for other people?



I disagree. When you're employed, have children or are looking for a romantic partner, you _are_ dressing for other people, not just yourself. That is, if you want to take their feelings into consideration. If not, go ahead and dress any old way you want to.

I'll again use the example of the black and Latino kids at my high school. The boys like to wear sagging pants and big t-shirts because it's the style and it's important to them to dress like their peers. While that's fine for high school, they're not going to get a job wearing those kind of clothes, even at McDonald's. Their clothes also tend to attract the eye of local law enforcement when they're walking home from school. Most law enforcement will simply eye them and as long as they're not doing anything that looks potentially dangerous, or are known associates of local gang members, the kids are left alone. But the point is, _their clothes convey a message_, and that message could keep them from getting a potential job or being able to walk down the street without attracting police attention. It would make more sense for them to dress a little differently so they could perhaps have a slightly different experience in life. But, being high school kids, they're going to dress the way they want (within parental constraints), never mind what anyone might think of them.



spiritangel said:


> Having opinions is one thing but the wild assumptions that go with what people are wearing astounds me



I haven't yet made one wild assumption about what anyone's wearing. I've stated that I don't like it and my reasons why. If you feel that's a "wild assumption," I wonder how you'd feel about the differing opinions expressed in a political debate. Do you assume they're ready to go to war? ...Talk about over-projection... sheesh.



spiritangel said:


> I cannot imagine what you say about the women who go on shows like Jerry Springer and the like wearing little



Um, I spend my days at work, not in front of the television.



spiritangel said:


> in case you havent noticed FYI skimpy outfits have been in fashion for quite some years and the current look is somewhat "slutty" for want of a better word



Just because it's the 'fashion' or a trend doesn't make it ok, or mean that I have to like it. Duh. Do you like everything you see the supermodels wearing when they go down the runway?



spiritangel said:


> You seem so bitter and angry at life and others who want to enjoy life mayby you need to look within and stop judging yourself and others so harshly?



Ah, Dr. Freud makes another appearance. I can tell, hon, that you obviously know me well and have me all figured out. Do you mind if I cancel our session this week, though? I'd rather pay a professional to diagnose me.


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## Cynthia (Oct 15, 2010)

As real estate gurus say, its all about location  or, in this case, context. Thirtiesgirl hasnt said anything that we havent heard amongst our own friends. She simply doesnt like someones style  nothing unusual about that. The kicker is the concept of appropriateness.

Many of us have spent a lifetime with messages that our body shapes are inappropriate, our clothes fall inappropriately, and the amount of space that we take up is inappropriate. We dont like being forced to conform to someone elses standard of whats acceptable, so Dimensions is a refuge of sorts  a place where no one will say that responsibly dressed plus-sized women must avoid micro-minis or dominatrix boots or horizontal stripes or pixie cuts in order to send the right message to society. When someone deviates from that unspoken expectation, we rail against it as a threat to Dims be-yourself atmosphere, where we celebrate peoples right to weigh the consequences of non-conformity, make independent decisions, and present themselves as they please.

As for me, I thought the woman in the clip had beautiful hair. If mine didnt tangle so much, Id grow it to my ankles and add assorted small vegetables. (Dont laugh I once had a co-worker who did wondrous things with asparagus stalks. )


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## Tania (Oct 15, 2010)

VEGETABLES. <3

When I was in law school, Bob Berring used to tell us a story about the little gummy toys he used to put in his beard to freak out Libby Dole. He thought he was being weird and bizarre, but I thought it sounded cute! Man always had impressive facial hair.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 15, 2010)

Cynthia said:


> As real estate gurus say, its all about location  or, in this case, context. Thirtiesgirl hasnt said anything that we havent heard amongst our own friends. She simply doesnt like someones style  nothing unusual about that. The kicker is the concept of appropriateness.
> 
> Many of us have spent a lifetime with messages that our body shapes are inappropriate, our clothes fall inappropriately, and the amount of space that we take up is inappropriate. We dont like being forced to conform to someone elses standard of whats acceptable, so Dimensions is a refuge of sorts  a place where no one will say that responsibly dressed plus-sized women must avoid micro-minis or dominatrix boots or horizontal stripes or pixie cuts in order to send the right message to society. When someone deviates from that unspoken expectation, we rail against it as a threat to Dims be-yourself atmosphere, where we celebrate peoples right to weigh the consequences of non-conformity, make independent decisions, and present themselves as they please.



I'm all for micro-minis, dominatrix boots, pixie cuts, corsets, head-to-toe PVC on women and men of any size and shape, _when and where appropriate_. When I go to the fetish club, I wear my zip-up micro-mini purple vinyl dress, usually unzipped enough for maximum exposure of my Wonderbra'd boobs, and my stack heeled, knee-high, "don't fuck with me" boots. Walking to my car from my apartment when dressed for the fetish club, however, I cover it up with a big, black pea coat. My neighbors don't need to see what I'm wearing to and from home. Nor does anyone else on Hollywood Boulevard or Wilshire when I leave the fetish club. And when when I'm walking around town shopping, grabbing lunch or doing leisure activities, I don't wear the same thing I might wear to go for cocktails with friends. When going out for drinks, I might show off a few more assets and dress a bit more dramatically. It's unnecessary and inappropriate for me to dress the same way when going to the grocery store, seeing a movie or grabbing coffee with a friend.


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## Paquito (Oct 15, 2010)

I liked that white shirt with the neckline detailwork.


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## Dolce (Oct 16, 2010)

Spirit, 

Use your ignore button. It is a wonderful blessed thing. I have had it on for over a month now and it keeps so much of the negativity out. Now if only all of us would use it. Then there would be no one to listen to her and she could just ramble on in her typical *narcissistic* prose.

I just don't like to see all those kind and sincere souls who are not on my ignore list being subjected to this garbage. This is forum bullying at it's worst. She is a bully. And bullies are typically sad little people who have to put others down to make themselves feel big. 

Big Hugs to you!


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## Inhibited (Oct 16, 2010)

> thirtiesgirl said:
> 
> 
> > Just last week, the mother of a 10th grade girl on my counseling case load came to school to talk with me about her daughter's credits. The mother's proportions were that of a much taller, slightly bigger boned Marilyn Monroe. She's a pretty woman, but she made herself look very unattractive and laughable with the way she chose to dress. She doesn't work, so she had all day to come to campus to see me. She chose, however, to show up right near the end of the school day, when she knew all the students would be leaving campus and be sure to see her in her outfit. She was wearing a very short, tight, low-cut red dress, of the kind you might see a woman in her 20s, or a more desperate woman in her 50s, wearing out for cocktails. The dress revealed almost the entirety of her breasts. She was wearing very high heels, unnecessary to walk across a high school campus. Her hair was almost as big as the woman on How Do I Look, and very overprocessed blonde. Her lips were so glossy, they looked like they were going to stick together, and she had enough turquoise eyeliner on to rival Cyndi Lauper circa 1984.
> ...


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## spiritangel (Oct 16, 2010)

Dolce said:


> Spirit,
> 
> Use your ignore button. It is a wonderful blessed thing. I have had it on for over a month now and it keeps so much of the negativity out. Now if only all of us would use it. Then there would be no one to listen to her and she could just ramble on in her typical *narcissistic* prose.
> 
> ...




She bullied me?? I diddnt get beyond the cynical snarky first line where I was reminded I could put her on ignore and went straight away and added her to the list  peace at last


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 16, 2010)

Inhibited said:


> > I think its fine if you don't like the woman's dress or her in the video, its your opinion.. I have to say though the way you judge the parent you mention is uncalled for, as long as this parent is loving i don't really think it matters what she wears. Every parent embarrasses their children in some way especially when they are teenagers. My mum wears track pants with Juicy written on the butt, am sure you would judge her as well if you seen her in the street. Why are females always like this, my friends are like this as well when we go out together, always picking out negatives in what other girls are wearing.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Inhibited (Oct 16, 2010)

I don't think the reason she was there needs to be said. I think the fact that the mother showed up and was concerned says alot though. There are some parents who wouldn't even care. If she is attractive as you say she is going to get attention no matter what she wears.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 16, 2010)

Inhibited said:


> I don't think the reason she was there needs to be said. I think the fact that the mother showed up and was concerned says alot though. There are some parents who wouldn't even care. If she is attractive as you say she is going to get attention no matter what she wears.



Again, there's a difference between positive attention and negative attention. The kind she's getting is negative attention. If she wants positive attention, she'll dress differently and, being an attractive woman, get the positive attention she deserves.

I'll share another story to illustrate my point. As I wrote up thread, I sometimes dress up to go out clubbing, often in short vinyl dresses and skirts, often with revealing tops, dramatic makeup, hair, etc. As I wrote in my previous post, it's appropriate for club wear, but inappropriate for any other place or time. These days, when I get dressed up to go out (much less frequent than when I was in my 20s and early 30s), I leave the house with a coat over my outfit because I don't think the neighbors need to see what I'm wearing when I go to a fetish club.

I moved to LA in '97 and ended a 5-year relationship in '98. The first year after I ended that relationship, I went out clubbing a lot. I was deeply hurt, desperate and trying to get over the relationship by finding somebody new. I thought going out and finding a guy at a club was the answer. I lived in a large apartment building with a big courtyard that I had to cross to get to the back parking lot to get to my car and drive out to the clubs. I frequently left my apartment in my fetish gear with no coat over my outfit. 

Apparently, I attracted the attention of an ex-con who had just moved into the building and was staying with some friends. He didn't have a place of his own yet, having just been released from prison, so his friends had offered to let him stay with them. Looking out their apartment window, he'd noticed me in the courtyard in my fetish gear and apparently thought I'd be an easy mark. Every time he saw me around the building, bringing in groceries, doing laundry or whatever, he'd take the opportunity to chat me up and hit on me. I didn't want his attention at all, but he'd interpreted my fetish outfits as an invitation for his advances.

_That's_ what I mean by negative attention. I might have avoided his attention by covering up my outfits under a coat, but I didn't know better at the time, so I had to learn the hard way. I'm not saying I deserved his negative attention because I was dressing in ways to attract physical attention; I make no excuses for my choice to wear what I want to wear or his choice to behave like a creeper. But I'm saying I might have avoided it had I done a better job of covering up in a location where people don't need to notice what I'm wearing.

If this mom wasn't such an attention hound for the wrong kind of attention, she could definitely attract some positive attention. But it's obvious that's not the kind of attention she wants.


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## fatgirlflyin (Oct 16, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Again, there's a difference between positive attention and negative attention. The kind she's getting is negative attention. If she wants positive attention, she'll dress differently and, being an attractive woman, get the positive attention she deserves.
> 
> I'll share another story to illustrate my point. As I wrote up thread, I sometimes dress up to go out clubbing, often in short vinyl dresses and skirts, often with revealing tops, dramatic makeup, hair, etc. As I wrote in my previous post, it's appropriate for club wear, but inappropriate for any other place or time. These days, when I get dressed up to go out (much less frequent than when I was in my 20s and early 30s), I leave the house with a coat over my outfit because I don't think the neighbors need to see what I'm wearing when I go to a fetish club.
> 
> ...



Some people just have that type of personality, one where the world is all about them. That doesn't make her a bad person or a bad mother, and it doesn't mean that her motives for reporting the boy were anything but wanting to keep her daughter safe. You're entitled to your opinion, and to to live your life according to your own moral compass but that doesn't mean everyone's North is the same as yours.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 16, 2010)

fatgirlflyin said:


> Some people just have that type of personality, one where the world is all about them. That doesn't make her a bad person or a bad mother, and it doesn't mean that her motives for reporting the boy were anything but wanting to keep her daughter safe. You're entitled to your opinion, and to to live your life according to your own moral compass but that doesn't mean everyone's North is the same as yours.



I never said or implied that the mom's motives for reporting the boy were simply for attention for herself. I acknowledged that she was concerned about his intentions with her daughter. What I said is that she turned the issue into her own attention-seeking venue. Having grown up with a mom with borderline personality disorder, I know how possible it is for moms to be both concerned for their child _and_ have narcissistic attention-seeking tendencies. Both can be present at the same time. I'm not implying that this mom has borderline personality disorder or narcissism, but she was certainly seeking the wrong kind of attention for herself while trying to help her daughter. Having grown up with a parent who often did the same thing, I know how confusing that can be. On the one hand, you're grateful that mom is there to help you...but on the other hand, you're mortified by how she's acting, you desperately want to disappear and desperately want mom to change her behavior. It ends up creating some very conflicting feelings for kids of moms who act this way, which can lead to unhealthy parent-child relationships - usually, the child becomes unable to individuate from their parent at the stage in their life when they should be individuating. Speaking from personal experience, that's not a healthy thing.


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## MissStacie (Oct 16, 2010)

I felt Ned was not looking at the woman in his clip with a critical eye, aside from seeing her as fatter than she actually is (or "quite plus size," as he put it). He likes the Peg Bundy look; good for him. But, from the perspective of a *woman who has spent a lot of time working on her personal style and has done a pretty good job, if I do say so myself,* I felt it might he might need some help in seeing things differently, with a more critical eye, and realizing that just because he sees someone as a "supergoddess" (a very limiting way of putting a woman on a pedestal in an attempt to meet his own physical fantasy), some women who are not on pedestals might see things differently.
***********************************************************
So, lets see YOUR personal style, TG....bring it on! Do you think that you can stand up to the same criticism that you put out to this woman?

OH, and BTW, I don't think Ned needs ANY help from you in "seeing things differently", I think his eyes are working just fine...


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## Dolce (Oct 16, 2010)

spiritangel said:


> She bullied me?? I diddnt get beyond the cynical snarky first line where I was reminded I could put her on ignore and went straight away and added her to the list  peace at last



I don't mean that she personally bullied you but that she needs to dominate every thread she takes part in. It is obvious that she is uncomfortable when she is not the center of attention. This is typical of narcissists. If you all will notice, the focus is on the outer mode of expression. How a person dresses, how a person speaks, how they spell, how they spend their days. She likes to point out superficial ways that she is superior to others to compensate for the house of cards her morals are built on. This can be observed quite plainly by the disrespect she shows others and her inability to truly hear what people are saying to her. Everyone is her sounding board. The subtleties of emotion and intention are lost on her. 

It is the shell of the person that is the focus because that is all the narcissist sees. That is all they are. A hollow shell. They have no self-knowledge and are unable to understand others. They lack a trait vital to human relationships: which is empathy. This typically happens because they were treated horribly as children by narcissistic parents. And so the cycle continues.


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## CastingPearls (Oct 16, 2010)

Some individuals seem to take a twisted delight in being critical of others' choices in appearance, behavior or otherwise and wrap it up in being an authority or having experience or it being their truth or having a style no one understands but them cos they're so freakin' special only they won't actually say that. If you say it for them, they throw out the don't analyze me baloney. 

When called on it, they forget that they frequently post long discourses on why this or that label is detrimental to all women or fat-kind while at the same time condescending to refer to someone who calls them on their bullshit as 'Hon'.

Says women should not be judge by appearance and yet here we are again giving examples why it's okay for certain individuals to justify the same exact behavior they are so repulsed by.

Put someone on ignore? Naahh....I readily admit to my own hypocrisy and narcissism and have no doubt I'm on SOMEBODY'S ignore list, only I don't doubt for a second that I'm full of shit half the time. Maybe that's why I find this thread far more entertaining than the clip in the OP.


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## CastingPearls (Oct 16, 2010)

I predict a thread lock very shortly. 

While we digest and wait, here is some light entertainment. Sing with me.

(Disclaimer: There is no fashion or style critiquing to be had. Sorry).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_sfnQDr1-o


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## Dolce (Oct 16, 2010)

A very interesting blog on Malignant Narcissism:

http://samvak.tripod.com/


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## Paquito (Oct 16, 2010)

Man, remind me to never invite any of you to go people watching with me.


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## Dolce (Oct 16, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I predict a thread lock very shortly.
> 
> While we digest and wait, here is some light entertainment. Sing with me.
> 
> ...



Holy crap that is so cute!


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 16, 2010)

MissStacie said:


> I felt Ned was not looking at the woman in his clip with a critical eye, aside from seeing her as fatter than she actually is (or "quite plus size," as he put it). He likes the Peg Bundy look; good for him. But, from the perspective of a *woman who has spent a lot of time working on her personal style and has done a pretty good job, if I do say so myself,* I felt it might he might need some help in seeing things differently, with a more critical eye, and realizing that just because he sees someone as a "supergoddess" (a very limiting way of putting a woman on a pedestal in an attempt to meet his own physical fantasy), some women who are not on pedestals might see things differently.
> ***********************************************************
> So, lets see YOUR personal style, TG....bring it on! Do you think that you can stand up to the same criticism that you put out to this woman?



I have plenty of pics posted, if you choose to look. That means spending some time online doing something other than going after my written posts, though. Think you have it in you?



MissStacie said:


> OH, and BTW, I don't think Ned needs ANY help from you in "seeing things differently", I think his eyes are working just fine...



I disagree. Using terms like "supergoddess" to describe women shows that he tends to put women on a pedestal, rather than seeing them as fallible human beings, capable of making human error. Thusly, when a woman he's idolizing falls off the pedestal where he's placed her, this gives him more excuse to blame her for why she's destroyed his image of her. I've never found that guys who use terms like "princess," "angel," "goddess," etc, to describe women don't have a very healthy perspective of them.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 16, 2010)

Dolce said:


> I don't mean that she personally bullied you but that she needs to dominate every thread she takes part in. It is obvious that she is uncomfortable when she is not the center of attention. This is typical of narcissists. If you all will notice, the focus is on the outer mode of expression. How a person dresses, how a person speaks, how they spell, how they spend their days. She likes to point out superficial ways that she is superior to others to compensate for the house of cards her morals are built on. This can be observed quite plainly by the disrespect she shows others and her inability to truly hear what people are saying to her. Everyone is her sounding board. The subtleties of emotion and intention are lost on her.
> 
> It is the shell of the person that is the focus because that is all the narcissist sees. That is all they are. A hollow shell. They have no self-knowledge and are unable to understand others. They lack a trait vital to human relationships: which is empathy. This typically happens because they were treated horribly as children by narcissistic parents. And so the cycle continues.



Are you a professional therapist with a degree? I think not. Your "diagnosis" is as much conjecture as it is bullshit. You're basing your opinion of me on the few threads you've read where I've posted. You certainly haven't read all. You've decided you don't like my opinion, and that's your prerogative. What's _not_ your prerogative is to proclaim a diagnosis about my mental health. I haven't done the same to any person who's disagreed with me in this thread, nor to the woman in the clip the OP posted. If you feel I'm being judgmental of the woman in the clip, I feel you're being far more judgmental of me. All I've judged is the woman's choice in attire, not her mental health and not her lifestyle. You and others in this thread haven't afforded me the same consideration, acting like a bunch of Stepford Wives because I refuse to play the 'nice' game. 

If you want to disagree with me, that's fine. But please refrain from "diagnosing" me with your bullshit opinion. I'll report you to the mods the next time it happens.



CastingPearls said:


> Some individuals seem to take a twisted delight in being critical of others' choices in appearance, behavior or otherwise and wrap it up in being an authority or having experience or it being their truth or having a style no one understands but them cos they're so freakin' special only they won't actually say that. If you say it for them, they throw out the don't analyze me baloney.
> 
> When called on it, they forget that they frequently post long discourses on why this or that label is detrimental to all women or fat-kind while at the same time condescending to refer to someone who calls them on their bullshit as 'Hon'.
> 
> Says women should not be judge by appearance and yet here we are again giving examples why it's okay for certain individuals to justify the same exact behavior they are so repulsed by.



Casting, I'm surprised I have to point this out yet again in this thread, especially to you. I'm judging the woman's _attire_, not her body size and shape, and not her lifestyle. You don't like that I've chosen to express my opinion about her attire, and I get that. But there's a difference in judging attire and judging body size and shape. This is a place where body size and shape are not to be judged, and I'll defend that belief system to the ends of the earth. What I _won't_ defend are women who choose to dress in ways that do them no justice, that are inappropriate for the situation and that will get them far more negative attention than positive. We can do better, and I expect us to. I try, and I'd hope others here would do the same. We get enough criticism from the general public for our size, told we're lazy, slovenly, unattractive, socially unacceptable. Why give them more fuel for the fire? Why not show that we can strive to look like stylish individuals who don't need negative attention, but can command positive attention when we walk in a room?


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## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 16, 2010)

Don't go people watching with any of us. You've been reminded! :happy:


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## Inhibited (Oct 16, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> > Casting, I'm surprised I have to point this out yet again in this thread, especially to you. I'm judging the woman's _attire_, not her body size and shape, and not her lifestyle. You don't like that I've chosen to express my opinion about her attire, and I get that. But there's a difference in judging attire and judging body size and shape. This is a place where body size and shape are not to be judged, and I'll defend that belief system to the ends of the earth. What I _won't_ defend are women who choose to dress in ways that do them no justice, that are inappropriate for the situation and that will get them far more negative attention than positive. We can do better, and I expect us to. I try, and I'd hope others here would do the same. We get enough criticism from the general public for our size, told we're lazy, slovenly, unattractive, socially unacceptable. Why give them more fuel for the fire? Why not show that we can strive to look like stylish individuals who don't need negative attention, but can command positive attention when we walk in a room?
> 
> 
> 
> I think you just proved our point, that we do get judge constantly as fat ppl, so why do it to others? YOu may not think that she looks stylish which is fine, but i think she does, so why judge ppl just because their style is different to yours and make assumptions. As a counsellor shouldn't you treat ppl as individuals and not make comparisons to your own experience and think its the same as what you went through. I may not like the clothing that ppl purchase on the "What did you buy today" thread but i'm not going to judge someone who buys a tight dress for their body shape and think they look like a street professional, i say good on them. I honestly think that only a small percentage of guys judge us on our weight, i think 80% of girls have the same attitude as yourself and are always judging others and make assumptions about their life style.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 16, 2010)

Inhibited said:


> thirtiesgirl said:
> 
> 
> > I think you just proved our point, that we do get judge constantly as fat ppl, so why do it to others? YOu may not think that she looks stylish which is fine, but i think she does, so why judge ppl just because their style is different to yours and make assumptions. As a counsellor shouldn't you treat ppl as individuals and not make comparisons to your own experience and think its the same as what you went through. I may not like the clothing that ppl purchase on the "What did you buy today" thread but i'm not going to judge someone who buys a tight dress for their body shape and think they look like a street professional, i say good on them. I honestly think that only a small percentage of guys judge us on our weight, i think 80% of girls have the same attitude as yourself and are always judging others and make assumptions about their life style.
> ...


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## Saoirse (Oct 16, 2010)

dun dun duuuunnnnnnnn


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## Tooz (Oct 16, 2010)

Guys, some people don't know when to stop. Maybe we should leave it be.


Meanwhile, I'm getting an outfit just like that girl's "before."

It's adorbs.


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## Brenda (Oct 16, 2010)

""A very interesting blog on Malignant Narcissism:

http://samvak.tripod.com/
_________________""

She is opinionated and blunt but she has not displayed anything nearly as mean spirited as your posts in this thread. 

How much is enough? When will she have sufficiently paid for her obviously unpopular opinions.


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## fatgirlflyin (Oct 16, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I haven't done the same to any person who's disagreed with me in this thread, nor to the woman in the clip the OP posted.



But you did kind of do it to some mother who walked into your office.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 16, 2010)

fatgirlflyin said:


> But you did kind of do it to some mother who walked into your office.



No, I didn't. I never judged her sexual history or mental or emotional issues. I judged her attire and the fact that I felt it was inappropriate to wear to her daughter's high school, where lots of high school boys can see what she's wearing. I connected her choice of attire to her attention-seeking behavior in my office that seemed to be more about her than her daughter's situation. I further suggested that I've known people with borderline personality disorder and other narcissistic personality disorders who behave in the same way, but that I couldn't say the same of her because I know nothing of her history. Her attention-seeking behavior, including her attire, do suggest some personal issues, but I can't make a diagnosis as to what they are.


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## EvilPrincess (Oct 16, 2010)

Wow - Not really the type of behavior that is expected in a Clothing/Fashion thread. If you feel the need to continue this conversation please do in another forum.m

Mod/


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