# Ever had physical attraction cloud your judgement?



## rabbitislove (Mar 6, 2009)

I feel like I've done this in all my relationships with BHMs. My BHM and I aren't really on speaking/hanging out/touching at all terms. We got in a huge fight on Monday, and although its not all my fault (he has other problems in his life). 

My problem is a) I become too physical right in the beginning of a relationship. and b) I ignore problems, because we can just have sex. Sex takes place of conversations, issues get swept under the rug, and I realize in hindsight that I had nothing in common with that person. I worry about it. I love my partner dearly, and although I continue on with my life and do things that make me happy, its still in the back of my mind.

I realize its my problem, and that I am pulled in wayy too fast by physical attraction. What can I say? You BHMs are so lucious. 

This isnt really a looking for advice problem. I know all I can do is work on things from a distance and do my own thing for a while. I just need someone to commiserate, if you've ever had this problem.


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## Tad (Mar 6, 2009)

Are you sure your not secretly a guy? 'Cause I think this is the classic 'guy' error  (both in general "physical attraction clouding your judgment' and the specifics of focusing on good sex and ignoring the other problems).

I was fortunate enough that when I made these mistakes....it all turned out OK in the end anyway. But in no way was that due to any wisdom on my part.

If it is any consolation.....much better to figure this out now than after getting married, which is what a lot of people do.


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## Cors (Mar 6, 2009)

You're not alone, I end up doing that with every BBW I date!


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## chicken legs (Mar 6, 2009)

haha ..everytime..i am so bad i usually end up classifing the relationship from the start..Friend or lover. It is soooo hard to conversate with someone i am attracted to. Except gay guys, i always felt comfortable with them because i say "your hot" or fondle them with out getting pounced..lol

I even turned down a job being a dealer (in the casino) because i know if someone i felt was attractive come up, i would not be able to function..


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## mergirl (Mar 6, 2009)

OMG! Seriously..i was going to post something like this before..well..sorta..kinna like this but i couldnt find the words. This has happened to me a few times actually in the past.. i thought "Oh Hot fat chick".. and ended up having far too many dates or ending up in rediculous or destructive relationships because i actually 'made up' a personality in my head for the person/pretended there was more to them because they were hot. Actually (i'm ashamed to say) looking back i think i fooled myself into believing some were hot too. I ended up having to just not be with anyome for a while. Now i know i not only fancy my partner totally but i love her intelligence, sense of humour and kind heart. If i dreamed her up i couldnt have done a better job.. 
I think the whole being with someone even if you are not compatible can happen when you are finding your footing sexually. ie when you first come out as being an Fa, gay etc.. a lot of the time with your first few experiences you feel all "oh whoot..i understand what sort of physicality i'm attracted to" This really can cloud your judgement..i get it. Also, insecurity and lonelyness will do the same.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 6, 2009)

Yep rabbit...been there...done that...a few times.

Bah...


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## Starling (Mar 6, 2009)

Always. Always. Always.


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## Ninja Glutton (Mar 6, 2009)

I admit I'm guilty of this as well. I'll let my physical lust for a person pull the wool over my eyes and make me forget that my inner fickleness is screaming to run for cover every time she opens her mouth.


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## rabbitislove (Mar 6, 2009)

edx said:


> Are you sure your not secretly a guy? .



I just got out of the shower. Its looking like a no.


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## chicken legs (Mar 6, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> I just got out of the shower. Its looking like a no.



hahaha


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## topher38 (Mar 6, 2009)

yes..... yes I do


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## steely (Mar 6, 2009)

Has anyone not done this?


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## escapist (Mar 6, 2009)

You know it works the other way around sometimes too...I've had women who made me unable to think talk or respond in any way that resembles human communication or interaction. Its taken a lot of work from me to get past all that, but still sometimes the right person can do it to me and I feel just as helpless.


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## rachael (Mar 6, 2009)

you know i think what you describes happen more often than you think. i know i used to do that all the time, especially the having sex too soon part. i am in the beginning stages of a relationship right now, and actually the guy is more patient than i am! which i really appreciate, because all of my relationships have ended because of incompatibility issues. which of course were ignored because of the awesome sex.


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## Oirish (Mar 6, 2009)

Heh, part of being human I suppose. We're all just a bunch of animals at the end of the day. Anybody who tells you they haven't dated someone solely because of sexual attraction (I'm talking about it being admitted in hindsight) is just lying, hasn't dated much, or is one lucky sob. If you don't have anything in common with him and just realized it then maybe its time to move on. If you're just a bit too upset right now and things aren't too bad you'll realize it soon enough and get out of the funk. Good luck.


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Mar 7, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> I just got out of the shower. Its looking like a no.





pics for proof?


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## TygerKitty (Mar 7, 2009)

steely said:


> Has anyone not done this?



I haven't actually... I'm worried about something like that happening! The more attracted I am to someone, the longer I hold off on anything physical it seems... because I want to be doubly sure!


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## Tracii (Mar 7, 2009)

Its personality that gets me not so much the looks.It does take me time tho' I have to get to know the person before I will go out on a date with them.


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## KJS258269 (Mar 7, 2009)

Yes this has definitely happened to me before. A hot girl and...........not much else to her. They are good for an afternoon romp in the bedroom, but as far as conversation and life goes there isn't too much happening. I love women who are interesting and can actually hold a conversation. Sometimes though there is that animalistic instinct that takes you over and it's all because that person is just plain hot to you. And it sometimes keeps you coming back for more even though you couldn't click with them on other levels. Eventually though you just need more in a relationship and although it was fun you need someone that you can share a lot more with. 

And on a side note I am moving to freaking Michigan because Rabbitislove is hot...lol. I dig the girls that dig the big boys.


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## escapist (Mar 7, 2009)

Man I find only having sex with people I actually like being pretty important lol. Maybe I'm more patient than even I know.


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 7, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> I feel like I've done this in all my relationships with BHMs. My BHM and I aren't really on speaking/hanging out/touching at all terms. We got in a huge fight on Monday, and although its not all my fault (he has other problems in his life).
> 
> My problem is a) I become too physical right in the beginning of a relationship. and b) I ignore problems, because we can just have sex. Sex takes place of conversations, issues get swept under the rug, and I realize in hindsight that I had nothing in common with that person. I worry about it. I love my partner dearly, and although I continue on with my life and do things that make me happy, its still in the back of my mind.
> 
> ...


*
been there done that a few times, I refer to it as *LUST BLINDNESS**


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## djudex (Mar 7, 2009)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *
> been there done that a few times, I refer to it as *LUST BLINDNESS**



It's funny, I've always called it Ass Fever :eat2:


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## KnottyOne (Mar 8, 2009)

I'm the first person to admit that I am shallow, so yes, many many many times for me. It doesn't necessarily happen far into the relationship but more at the start, because of my "no sex by the 2nd date no 3rd date" rule, I tend to let the physical dictate everything else. If the sex is good I tend to ignore all of the character issues and try to make it work, leading to fights, disdain and just overall bad times. Of course, ya know... sex fixes all of it for a few hours at a time. So yea, totally feel you on this, as long as you desire a body you can never fully understand the soul


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## escapist (Mar 8, 2009)

KnottyOne said:


> ... If the sex is good I tend to ignore all of the character issues and try to make it work, leading to fights, disdain and just overall bad times. Of course, ya know... sex fixes all of it for a few hours at a time.



lol I had a girl who wanted to fight and wanted me to focus on the issues so she refused to have sex because she knew if she did, I would just let it all go. Looking back it was pretty funny...cause well lets just say I let go all the time lol!


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## Surlysomething (Mar 8, 2009)

more than once and hopefully not again


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## Bellyjeansgirl (Mar 10, 2009)

Completely. There's an ex I'm still hung up over. Biggest jerk ever, but he's so gorgeous. 

If only he had a heart to go along with that ass and those shoulders and the perfectness of his tummy and his skin tone and how he was soft but firm *babbles* *mind goes off to drool over his perfect body*


I kick myself for still wanting to rape him even though I shouldn't like him at all, but what's the remedy to that? Finding someone even more gorgeous? How skin deep.

I actually did find someone else I liked. Unfortunately, that BHM didn't like me back. Improvement though  One step at a time.


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## escapist (Mar 10, 2009)

Bellyjeansgirl said:


> I actually did find someone else I liked. Unfortunately, that BHM didn't like me back. Improvement though  One step at a time.



Yeah I'm with him, Super Hot FFA's are just creepy!   :happy:


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## Bellyjeansgirl (Mar 19, 2009)

escapist said:


> Yeah I'm with him, Super Hot FFA's are just creepy!   :happy:



lol. He's after some girl out of his league. She's totally anti-softness. In translation, he's happy being alone. :doh:


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## rabbitislove (Mar 20, 2009)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> pics for proof?



Just for you Mike (after all you were in my dream last night, haha). A picture of my beaver. Festive. 

View attachment canada-beaver-flag.gif


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Mar 22, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> Just for you Mike (after all you were in my dream last night, haha). A picture of my beaver. Festive.



really? You're going to have to PM me with details :wubu:


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## likeitmatters (Mar 22, 2009)

I let my physcial lust over power my sense of right and wrong...All my friends are platonic friends only...anyone I ever tricked with when I was a young adult I would never associate with them because we had nothing in common except sex. and now, I would never have friends with benefits or tricks just to feel good..I have a partner now so I can have my fun when ever. 

I also can count on one hand how many men I have been with in 10 years and I wonder how many can count on their fingers and say the same thing?

It would be interesting to see....


:bow:


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## extra_fat_guy (Mar 22, 2009)

Yes I have. I let it happen with my ex. Hopefully I don't let that happen again. Who am I kidding I am sure it will happen again. lol. :doh:


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## escapist (Mar 22, 2009)

Bellyjeansgirl said:


> lol. He's after some girl out of his league. She's totally anti-softness. In translation, he's happy being alone. :doh:



I think I dated her too. Wasn't very fun, the kind of person who makes you feel like dirt if you don't go to the gym every day. I'm so glad I grew up and realized that if someone doesn't like me exactly as I am there is no point in even trying!  

I just think its funny when its the girl who doesn't even see my perspective


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## Olga_NYC (Mar 23, 2009)

It definitely happened with my boyfriend teh psychopath. He's got huge mental problems but I like him :wubu:

On a serious note, and if you really want to save the relationship, have you considered counseling for couples? If you think you're having a hard time communicating. 

I used to have a hard time talking to my mom about some issues and therapy together really helped.


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## samuraiscott (Mar 23, 2009)

I am guilty of this as well.


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## Sensualbbwcurves (Mar 24, 2010)

Yes it has happened once, and that was more than enough for me:doh:


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## ogie (Mar 25, 2010)

i think that ive developed a pretty good system with dealing with issues like this. If i meet a girl that im sexually attracted to usually i know within an hour or so whether or not i could see myself in a relationship with her. If i think i can i try to play it safe, take it slow and easy as not to chase them off. 

If i think that a relationship is out of the question then it's the full court press, if they bite great, some well needed sack time. If not oh well. Now if an existing relationship goes tits up, and i can sense the end is near, i detach myself emotionally and just treat it as a physical relationship.

Take note that this switching off your emotions probably isn't as easy for most people. But thankfully i grew up around enough emotional absent people and had enough fucked up relationships to basically turn myself into a robot lol.


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## Geodetic_Effect (Mar 27, 2010)

steely said:


> Has anyone not done this?




I haven't. But ignoring problems is my default response anyway. I don't need any specific distraction.


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## shhtx1970 (Mar 28, 2010)

I am sad  I do not get much attention. I admit I am attracted to physical but once I get to know the person, their personality is the clincher of whether or not I will invest time in the relationship. I guess I am a sad old fashion type of romantic guy. I like the whole package versus some parts. But I guess I am outdated anyways :really sad:, its time for the new breed.


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## chicken legs (Mar 28, 2010)

It hasn't clouded my judgment but I have used people for sexual purposes only and that gets messy if they want more.


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## Zowie (Mar 28, 2010)

Not really, no. I've generally been more attracted to the person's personality rather than what they look like.

However, saying that I don't care about a person's physique seems a little hypocritical on the website devoted to precisely that.  I must be lying to myself.


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## Esther (Mar 28, 2010)

This has actually never really happened to me.


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## NYC_FFA (Mar 28, 2010)

Yes, I've let this happen to me. That's how I ended up dating one of my exes twice. It was a stupid, stupid decision, but he was a handsome BHM. He's lost weight since then, though, and he's obsessed with working out enough so that he can take a Facebook picture showing off his abs. Idiot...


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Mar 29, 2010)

This happens to me all the time. And I'm pretty sure the women know that they can get things out of me because I am attracted to them. So usually I'll do anything they ask, because my judgment is all cloudy; I catch myself doing it all the time.


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## Buffetbelly (Mar 29, 2010)

When I was young and stupid before my first marriage this was true. I am a lot more sensible these days. Might have something to do with declining hormone levels, although my gf may disagree...


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## Qit el-Remel (Mar 30, 2010)

Messed around with a complete heel once, because I was hot for his body. 

It's like Bellyjeansgirl says: If only the guy had had a heart—not to mention a soul and a brain—to go with it. Then I might have at least respected him afterwards.


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## LovesBigMen (Mar 31, 2010)

I am glad I read this I haven't yet been with a BHM I am young,but I do see my self going to looks alot all though I do see personality, looks are always there though. 
So I am glad I read this, because in a way it is great advice for in the future I know that is not what it is for, but it is what it has done for me.


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## LovesBigMen (Mar 31, 2010)

Sorry for the way I write things I have always been bad at putting things into words.


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## veil (Mar 31, 2010)

Bellyjeansgirl said:


> lol. He's after some girl out of his league. She's totally anti-softness. In translation, he's happy being alone. :doh:



this post is pretty old, but i am wicked rezzing it because this is such a good point. some people--and i do not just mean men or women--are so used to or expectant of rejection they only pursue love objects that ain't gonna work. i'm sorry.


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## LovesBigMen (Apr 1, 2010)

veil said:


> this post is pretty old, but i am wicked rezzing it because this is such a good point. some people--and i do not just mean men or women--are so used to or expectant of rejection they only pursue love objects that ain't gonna work. i'm sorry.



This is very true, because I have some hefty guy friends and they always go for like the most pretty women not just that, but the ones that ignore them, know that I dislike alot.


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## abel (Apr 1, 2010)

I'm assuming this question was directed at the women.

With men, it's the story of our lives and just goes without saying!


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## FemFAtail (Apr 14, 2010)

Buffetbelly said:


> When I was young and stupid before my first marriage this was true. I am a lot more sensible these days. Might have something to do with declining hormone levels, although my gf may disagree...



And disagree with that last statement she does! We seem to have a great time getting a "rise" out of each other, dear!


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