# Theoretical vs Practical (Hands On) Appreciation of the Bigger Body



## Xyantha Reborn (Dec 7, 2014)

I'm not sure if this has been done before..but

Most of us starting out knowing we deeply adore the chub before we actually ever have the opportunity to verify it via dating/more intimate stuff. That thought me thinking of all the preconceptions I had BEFORE I started dating a BHM...because we construct a lot of the things we THINK we like/tolerate/etc before we actually get exposed to a dose of reality. Does anyone have any others?


Before:  
1) I didn't like when BHM wore shirts that were sloppy and had food on it (sloppy dress bothered me in general) 
2) I didn't like sweats and preferred jeans on guys, even BHM
3) I didn't think as fondly of moobs and love handles. It was allll about the belly.

After: 
1) My hubby calls his shirt a bib with sleeves and he is sooo messy! Its so cute when he drops something on it in his hurry to get it to his mouth, and that little bit of chub poking out of the bottom isn't sloppiness, its adorable, and im more protective of keeping it out of sight because its MY (baby's) belly than anything else.
2)I realized how CRUEL belts and buckles and buttons can be to the belly, and now sweats represent comfort and belly freedom, whereas jeans are mean!!!
3) I actually love guy's moobs, they are adorable, and the role that forms as it wraps around their back is super squishable. And the love handles are well names indeed. I also discovered the joy of upper thigh chub and 'crotch pudge' as my hubby calls it, which I never really thought about/fantasized about before.


Anyone else have anything that provide a surprise/novelty to them as they transitioned from a 'theoretical' to a 'practical' appreciation of the larger form?


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## agouderia (Dec 8, 2014)

Xyantha - what you describe imo has more to do with you unconditionally loving your hubby (and his 'faults') than about the difference between theory and practice. 

Do you also react positively to an unknown BHM in sweats with a sloppy, food-stained you meet somewhere else, like at work?


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## fuelingfire (Dec 8, 2014)

For me I spent so much time imagining having a larger partner in my youth, that there wasn't much left to surprise me. So there are only two for me. 

I knew most fat women have self-esteem issues, but had no idea how bad they are when it comes to being fat. To me its almost to the point of heartbreaking, in many cases. I am lucky because this did not seem like much of a problem for my wife. But I know a lot of BBWs in life that are horribly down on themselves, and have shown disgust/shock that someone would like them the way they look.

The second thing is the physical weight of BBWs. I always though about how soft they are, but never put much thought into heavy they are on your lap or when they lay on you. I never imagined having a hard time breathing when snuggling. I have come to also like the feeling of my wifes weight, because it reminds me of her size.


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## Tad (Dec 8, 2014)

Of course I imagined they'd be in black and white *rim-shot*

More seriously--great question! But before I can answer I do have to think and try to remember back to 'way back when'  Not quite to a black and white world, but, erm, I've been around these forums for long enough that someone born when I first posted would be almost legal to post by now....


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## Xyantha Reborn (Dec 8, 2014)

Did the colour saturation come on all of a sudden, or gradually, Tad?  

Agouderia, I see what you might mean but to clarify (and vindicate my guy, who I have obviously horribly misrepresented) my husband actually has mild OCD that makes him obsessively clean and careful in everything, including himself. It's actually very hard to cope with, and has taken years to adapt (but not cater) to his symptoms. That's why his dropping food on himself makes me laugh - it drives him crazy and astonishes me, because in everything else he is so careful and overly precise. To me it is a sign of him letting go and makes it the act of eating, which I love, even much more special. 

As for the sloppy part, I cannot say that I find all unknown, sloppy BHM attractive - but neither do I find all unknown, well dressed BHM attractive. My attractions are not that clear cut. I certainly didn't mean to indicate sloppiness in the workplace; there is a time and place for everything. But do I think it's cute when I'm at our local chill Pho place and some BHM growls in frustration as a noodle escapes his utensils and falls on his bulging tummy? Yeah, it's kinda cute.

What I meant by dressing "before" vs "after" specifically related to me adoring BHM in suits. It was my number one, hands down, favourite dress for the big guys. However, closer intimacy with big guys actually made me realize that after about 250 lbs, clothing is not only harder to find, it can be uncomfortable if not downright painful. That belt that cinches under the belly so nicely? I've seen it physically bruise the heavy belly pressing into it. That nice jacket? Not only is it physically uncomfortable and restraining, but it also causes a lot of overheating and sweating. Then their suit top gets soaked in the armpits - and now they can't take off their jacket at all without appearing like a sweaty, fat pig to the general public. They can't lift their arms without yanking everything down, etc.....so what I once found attractive, now makes me feel empathic towards their discomfort and actually turns me off a little because I can't enjoy it while knowing its probably uncomfortable for them. That's why I am more understanding of sweats or looser pants in general.

As another example unrelated to me: One of the FA I know mentioned his before/after shock was just moving slower. As a guy who loves being physically active he used to stride around quickly...but now that he is finally with a BBW he has to constantly curb his natural stride and accommodate her more sedentary pace. It isn't a huge thing, it just isn't something he accounted for before he actually dated a BBW.


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## Fat Molly (Dec 8, 2014)

<enjoying this thread>


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## loopytheone (Dec 9, 2014)

This is a pretty interesting thread!

I know something that took me by surprise when I was with my ex was how much I liked his thighs. It wasn't something I had even thought of before but when he took off his trousers to get into bed and I saw his thighs for the first time my jaw was probably on the floor!


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## youareneverready (Dec 10, 2014)

I have definitely experienced #3. I'd never really given moobs much thought, let alone appreciation, until one specific guy. I became quite fascinated with his, amazed at just how soft they were, how they'd move or rest in various positions, the shape of them, and just how incredibly different to female breasts they are.


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## wildandfree (Dec 11, 2014)

What continues to be a realization to me, and is difficult for me, is the sedentary nature of my partner. I am somewhat the human version of a border collie in that I always want to go for walks and do outdoorsy adventures. So the fact that my honey cannot keep up and is frustrated with my natural pace is something that I need to remember and be sympathetic to. After all, he is usually joining me because I want the company, so it's no good to push him. I love him and want him to be active with me, but I prefer him heavier. That's my realization. And it is something understandably difficult for people to sympathize with, since being overweight has so many issues.


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## Tad (Dec 11, 2014)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Did the colour saturation come on all of a sudden, or gradually, Tad?



Gradually 

At least, metaphorically speaking it did, if you call my theoretical phase the black-and-white era, and the practical phase the colour era.

Why I think it is an apt metaphor is that for a huge part of the 'practical (or hands on)' part is......the hands on part  I'm very touch oriented, much more than vision or hearing oriented, so adding that aspect was in a lot of ways like adding colour, in that it added richness and nuance that I couldn't even have defined as missing while living in the black and white (theoretical) framework.

And I say that it came on gradually because my wife was not fat when we met (and the very limited amount of relationships I had before her had not been with fat women), but she gained from ~size 12 to ~size 20 over several years, so I gradually came to realize how much better touching and squeezing and hugging was with fat involved. (not that it wasn't pretty awesome anyway, but for me adding fat takes it to 11, to mix metaphors).

As for the difference between theoretical and practical, well, just maybe you might have notice that I may over-think things at times  I can build elaborate mental constructs around people being fat, liking fat, getting fatter, and so on. Those constructs can feel pretty compelling. Then I hug my wife, and they fade in comparison to the feeling of her in my arms. For me the practical is just so grounding (in a good sense, as in keeping my feet on the ground so I don't disappear up my own....conjectures). For someone who lives in his head as much as I do, it can be almost shocking how overwhelming that soft physical presence can be.

And for one specific detail of the practical.....when spooning up at night, the arm of the big spoon draped over the little spoon's waist is magnificently supported if the little spoon has a belly sprawled out onto the mattress


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## ellebee (Dec 19, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> This is a pretty interesting thread!
> 
> I know something that took me by surprise when I was with my ex was how much I liked his thighs. It wasn't something I had even thought of before but when he took off his trousers to get into bed and I saw his thighs for the first time my jaw was probably on the floor!



Yes! Thighs. I thought man thighs were gross for the longest time, but when I saw my ex's thighs for the first time I honestly couldn't stop touching them. A guy with big thighs is a treasure in itself.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Apr 27, 2015)

Another occured to me recently. The difference between what i thought jiggling/bouncing a belly would be like. Not in terms of how it felt to me - but in twrms of how it feels to him.

I thought it would be like jiggling a boob - but my guy always grumbles that everything is attached in there - except for the lightest od possible jiggles, it can actually make hom feel nauesiated (like rollercoaster sort) or give him heartburn. Boo. Lol.


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## Tad (Apr 27, 2015)

hmmm, not my experience at all....well, not quite. 

I have a bit of a ball belly, with some subcutaneous fat over top of it. Jiggling that soft fat on top feels pretty fun to me--not innately erotic, but because I like being fat it gains erotic overtones, but I think it would feel kind of cool anyway. 

But jiggling the underlying ball belly, meh, not so much, it is a bit more like being on an airplane experiencing turbulence, the actual stomach and intestines and all are not really designed for much tossing around.

I wouldn't think that either of these is much like jiggling a boob, but then again, how would I know?  (perhaps we need a BBW to comment on this? Although I'm sure much depends on how you feel about your belly, or your boobs for that matter)


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## Xyantha Reborn (Apr 27, 2015)

Ha!

Jiggling a boob just feels like jiggling a thigh or something...it just feels like motion. Doesn't make you feel sick, even if it doesn't turn you on. That's kind of what I thought it would feel like for him. 

My guy has the kind of belly where it is ALL fat - no hard ball under it. If I jiggle his lower belly his upper stomach moves too, or even if I jiggle it side to side. Turbulence is a good word for what he describes, and he usually ends up grimacing and burping and complaining I gave his acid reflux. He jokes everything is attached by the fat - all the organs - so when I jiggle one thing they all move. Even if I grab his love handles and wriggle them a bit his whole stomach will move. 

(As a side note people might be like "well, what does it feel like when YOUR stomach does it?"... I have stomach problems, so for me even the pressure of pants is often utterly intolerable. Usually my stomach hurts so much my guy can't even touch it - when he does he gets aroused now because its like a forbidden area. Weird!)


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## loopytheone (Apr 27, 2015)

For me at least, I do not appreciate people jiggling my boobs. They are big, heavy and attached by ligaments and when they jiggle I can literally feel the ligaments straining. Not pleasant. So I imagine that depending on the type of belly fat a person has, jiggling their belly could be like that?


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## Xyantha Reborn (Apr 29, 2015)

Yeah that is how i take it he feels...so i have to be super gentle!


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## cherrygarcia (Jun 13, 2015)

loopytheone said:


> This is a pretty interesting thread!
> 
> I know something that took me by surprise when I was with my ex was how much I liked his thighs. It wasn't something I had even thought of before but when he took off his trousers to get into bed and I saw his thighs for the first time my jaw was probably on the floor!



Oh my god, are you me?? No but really, that was something I never appreciated before I actually had real world fat guy experience, because it just wasn't on the radar. But oh man. Another thing was, I'd always been one of those people who didn't get the whole "cute butt" thing until glory glory hallelujah, I found the cutest butt on earth. The one on my guy. Be jealous, everyone else. 

Bonus favorite thing that never entered my glowing romantic fantasies until they became reality: hugging from behind. This is now default pose for whenever we're waiting in line for something (or just anytime, anywhere that I have an excuse to slip behind him).


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jun 13, 2015)

Oh good one! I love that! Hugging was always face to face until i dated chubby guys - then hugging from behind was almost better  

Totally my default position at grocery stores, movies etc!


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## Tad (Jun 13, 2015)

I third (fourth? wherever we are at now) the hugging from behind thing.

Another, as a male FA, is fat arms. These pretty much didn't enter into my contemplations at all, other than noting that fat women typically had fat arms, and that it seemed like that might be annoying for the possessor at times. Until my wife got them. Now I could just sit there and knead the back of her arms like a cat. I don't because it would be far more annoying than erotic for her, but the occasional caress along the back of her arm is pretty nice. So soft!


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## Tad (Oct 14, 2016)

Another one that I hadn't thought of back when this thread was first going on: how much space she takes up. Aside from the fact that I don't like cars much and that we live in the urban core where transit if often more convenient than driving+parking, one of the reasons I like taking the bus with my wife is sharing a two person seat with her. I'll have her sit next to the window, where her hips extend well into the second seat, then wedge myself onto the aisle side seat as best I can, then typically put an arm across the back of the seat and around her far-side arm for the dual purpose of holding me in my seat better and giving me an excuse to grip the softness of her upper arm.

This position is both a reminder of the space she takes up, and has me squished up against the softness of her hip and near-side arm as well as gripping her far arm, so it is all sorts of win for me. If I'd ever considered the sheer geometry of having a fat partner back before I had one, I think I would have just seen the size part as somewhat annoying, sort of a practical hindrance.


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## Blockierer (Nov 11, 2016)

Wobble, wobble, wobble. 
Before, I had no clue how it looks when a female body wobbles. E.g.: If you put the lower belly under motion the waves go to the boobs and arms. 
Irresistible erotic.


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## socrates74 (Jan 4, 2017)

To answer, your question: no! As a contrast BBW admirer with years of relationship experience, No! My gal(s) would never use their top for a bib. I would not find it cute or be attracted to it. The majority of BHM I have known through the years, do not use their top for a bib. I am guessing that is [
individualistic to your relationship, and a minority of BHM. 
To answer the rest of your question.
Before: It irked me that BBW would become overheated easier. After: I learned to adjust to it.


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## dwesterny (Jan 4, 2017)

socrates74 said:


> I would not find it cute or be attracted to it. The majority of BHM I have known through the years, do not use their top for a bib. I am guessing that is [
> individualistic to your relationship, and a minority of BHM.



Well at least you don't have to worry about Socrates stealing your sloppy man.

I know lots of FFAs who find guys who spill on their shirts adorable, actually. I recall a discussion on another site where several mentioned how they carry around tide sticks to clean up and just think it's adorable.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jan 4, 2017)

Wait why would my BHM wear shirts anyway when a spill means i can lick it off him?  

Oops chenneling my inner Mel there.


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## loopytheone (Jan 4, 2017)

Personally I'm a big fan on the food going in my mouth and not anywhere else. Though the amount of chocolate stains on my bed sheets is testament to my jittery hands not agreeing with me there.

(I wonder how much fatter we would all be if we ended up eating every split crumb/drink etc? Like, over a lifetime, that would add up, surely?)


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## Tad (Jan 4, 2017)

And we know not to apply to date Socrates if you are a BBW who ever drops foods while eating and ends up catching it on your chest. Fortunately I’ve hardly ever heard women here talk about having that challenge.


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