# Encouragement from a fat to skinny to fat again girl!



## ChubbyPear (Jul 18, 2013)

I'm a 32 yo woman who is 5'2" and formerly 250lbs. Despite an active lifestyle and healthy diet, I was constantly accused of being a lazy glutton. I spent most of my life unsuccessfully trying to lose weight to fit into what society finds ideal or at least acceptable. I was strong, I rarely got sick, and I was proud of my beautiful curves, fat or not. 

When I started having serious health problems, doctors all simply blamed my weight. I went through weight loss surgery, which nearly killed me, and lost almost half of my body weight. As you can imagine, I was simply overwhelmed with attention when I lost the weight. Men flocked to me, strangers were friendlier to me, and family told me how "proud" they were of me. What might surprise you is that those things actually made me angry. I was exactly the same person as before, just with a surgery that nearly killed me and made me smaller by starving me almost to death. When I was exercising regularly and eating a healthy diet, people didn't flock to me. Men on dating sites said I didn't "take care of myself" or "have self respect." Because of course no one could possibly be heavyset without making an effort to be that way, right? No one was proud of me when I was working hard, lifting more than football players in the gym, wrestling 200lb dogs at the shelter to train them to be adoptable when no one else could handle them... No, it took getting small to impress them all! I have to tell you that it also made me very uncomfortable dating. I couldn't help wondering every time I met a new man, would he have liked the fat me, the REAL me? What if I fell in love with him? What if we got married and then my metabolism let my natural body size return? Would he leave? Was this someone who cared WHO I was or just what size I was? I couldn't help getting the impression that most of them only cared about having someTHING to tote around town and show off because it's what everyone else was impressed with. 

When the weight loss only made my health condition worse, doctors finally took me seriously and I found out I have some serious HEREDITARY auto-immune issues that have nothing to do with being overweight. The starvation made it all much worse. I lost my job over the health issues in January of 2012. Since I'm sick and unemployed, I do a lot of sleeping and for quite a while, I did very little eating.

A few months ago, thanks at least in part to someone I met who told me about this forum, I started eating like a normal human being again. No, not like a glutton, but like any other NORMAL adult. I've gained almost 40lbs since then. I'm actually happy about this. Odd right? Some of my muscle is coming back (when you starve yourself, your body eats your muscle). I am able to do things I haven't done in years. I'm still in a lot of pain and tired all the time from the health issues but my immune system seems to be a bit stronger and I don't catch every little thing in the air. My butt is back! Yes, I missed it! My hair is fuller again too. Starving makes your hair fall out. I think that we are all designed to be different sizes and thin is not for everyone. I've found that I'm much healthier when I eat what I crave and don't beat myself up over it. If I crave steak, I eat streak. If I crave cherries, I eat cherries. If I crave an apple dipped in caramel, coated with white chocolate, and then rolled in crushed toffee, damnit I'm going to get it! My body has shown me that I am not meant to be skinny and I am so thankful that I didn't lose my life trying to get that way... I have more energy to get out more, and I'm more confident that the men I meet will and do like the REAL me. 

I think that if you're abusing your body and you know it, you should do right by yourself to be more healthy. However, if you're not a skinny person, don't feel like you have to be! We are all different and our bodies know what is right for us. Be yourself, love yourself, and to hell with those who don't love you too!


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## dblbellybhm (Jul 18, 2013)

Inspiring. Thank you for writing that.


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## moore2me (Jul 19, 2013)

ChubbyPear said:


> *(snipped). . . .
> 
> *. I went through weight loss surgery, which nearly killed me, and lost almost half of my body weight.
> 
> ...




*I been in a similar place where you are now. I have learned a few lessons you may or may not know - just a few helpful hints.

1. steak - no problemo from WLS
2. cherries - no problemo from WLS
3. caramel apple + white chocolate + crushed toffee coating - big problem. This much sugar would cause most people after WLS to have a world class case of diarrhea. If I ate this "fair food". I would be taking handfuls of immodium, pepto bismol, and still wouldn't be able to leave the house for 24 hours.*


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jul 19, 2013)

ChubbyPear said:


> I think you understand human metabolism better than most doctors.


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## ChubbyPear (Jul 19, 2013)

[/COLOR][/B][/QUOTE]

1. steak - no problemo from WLS
2. cherries - no problemo from WLS
3. caramel apple + white chocolate + crushed toffee coating - big problem. This much sugar would cause most people after WLS to have a world class case of diarrhea. If I ate this "fair food". I would be taking handfuls of immodium, pepto bismol, and still wouldn't be able to leave the house for 24 hours.[/COLOR][/B][/QUOTE]

According to my gastroenterologist, I no longer have the stomach of a gastric bypass patient. While my duodenum is still re-arranged, my stomach ripped apart and healed the way my body knows it, not the way the surgery changed it to be. Odd, I know. I had LOTS of complications after the surgery and was actually on a PICline to keep me alive for a couple months. I don't eat tons of sugar so I am sensitive to it, but not WLS sensitive


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## moore2me (Jul 21, 2013)

QUOTE: Chubby Pear

According to my gastroenterologist, I no longer have the stomach of a gastric bypass patient. While my duodenum is still re-arranged, *my stomach ripped apart and healed the way my body knows it, not the way the surgery changed it to be. Odd, I know. I had LOTS of complications after the surgery and was actually on a PICline to keep me alive for a couple months*. I don't eat tons of sugar so I am sensitive to it, but not WLS sensitive [/QUOTE]
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*Just hearing those words "stomach ripped apart" gave me a horrible image and made me shiver. The pain and suffering you must have gone thru is almost undescribable!!!!! I was thinking my stomach hurt, I was only playing in the little league. You, my dear were playing in the majors of pain. I bow to you for still being alive. * :bow: :bow: :bow:


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## f0nzw0rth (Jul 26, 2013)

Call me old fashioned but if I was looking to start a relationship with a woman and she was lifting more then football players and wrestling mountain lions I would head for the hills....The problem might not be the weight it might be because you are Hagar the Horrible...And I say this out of love


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jul 26, 2013)

f0nzw0rth said:


> Call me old fashioned but if I was looking to start a relationship with a woman and she was lifting more then football players and wrestling mountain lions I would head for the hills....The problem might not be the weight it might be because you are Hagar the Horrible...And I say this out of love



Tastes differ. I'd be intrigued by a woman like that! :smitten:


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## ChubbyPear (Jul 21, 2015)

f0nzw0rth said:


> Call me old fashioned but if I was looking to start a relationship with a woman and she was lifting more then football players and wrestling mountain lions I would head for the hills....The problem might not be the weight it might be because you are Hagar the Horrible...And I say this out of love



No, I was actually very pretty with beautiful curves but I also fought competitively and was into strength training. Just because I can lift more than you doesn't mean I have to look like you.


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## Tad (Jul 21, 2015)

ChubbyPear said:


> No, I was actually very pretty with beautiful curves but I also fought competitively and was into strength training. Just because I can lift more than you doesn't mean I have to look like you.



Just so you know, Fonzworth posted two years ago, and hasn't posted anything in over a year, so he probably won't see your reply.

But while you are here: how are you doing these days?


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## ChubbyPear (Mar 13, 2021)

Tad said:


> Just so you know, Fonzworth posted two years ago, and hasn't posted anything in over a year, so he probably won't see your reply.
> 
> But while you are here: how are you doing these days?


I'm not dead yet  How are you?


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## exjock (Mar 14, 2021)

Glad you are!


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## Tad (Mar 14, 2021)

I love that you replied to my post five years later!

Anyway, I'm glad that you are not dead, you just seem to be more like a comet, occasionally swooping by to check in on things here


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## loopytheone (Mar 15, 2021)

Oooh, we've renamed the boards since this topic was originally posted, so I'm going to move it to the health board as it isn't media related! 

I am also glad you're doing well, ChubbyPear! Also, you said you're 5'2, so we are height twins~!


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## NZ Mountain Man (Feb 25, 2022)

First I like to say I sorry you have auto immune issues. I hope you learn the tricks required to live with it.

It is always the weight that is blamed for health issues. 
Diabetes, oh you need to lose so weight. Weight has nothing to do with diabetes. People of all weight levels can have diabetes.
Low self esteem. Same answer as above. Life not moving forward, not dealing with life's knocks properly, taking on cruel verbal abuse, emotional needs not meet, insecurities, low success rate at tasks. Until the weight is lost and the low self esteem still the same then it becomes "Oh dear, it is an emotional thing and not physical."
Whenever a medical diagnoses is about large body size I always ask. "If I was 150 pounds lighter would I not have the symptoms?"
_Men on dating sites said I didn't "take care of myself" or "have self respect." Because of course no one could possibly be heavyset without making an effort to be that way, right?_
Were they drinking beer? Anything can be said is not respecting yourself.
Going out with someone who does not see you as a person is not taking care of yourself.
_Men flocked to me, strangers were friendlier to me, and family told me how "proud" they were of me. What might surprise you is that those things actually made me angry._
It is easy to loose money but to loose weight is very difficult. To intentionally loose weight is being successful at a difficult tasks. Life successes should be celebrated and used to drown out the failings along the way. For you weight loss was a wrong thing. Lesson learned. 
Men flocking to the skinny shell. They saw your shell and are looking no further. Oh they would have given you great sex followed by emotional loneliness.
Large body or petite body, you are invisible to them because they only seeking a shell.
Waiting for the guy who says "Gee you are a nice person," can seem like forever. 
The body can change over decades in shape and size. Any person who is only after the continuously the same will discover that there is no one in the world for them.
People change by spiritual growth. I think the ideal is "You were powerfully sweeping person when I met you but I enjoyed growing up with you."


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## SSBHM (Feb 25, 2022)

Interesting post. I totally agree not everyone is meant to be thin, and you have to really find yourself and love yourself. Eating makes you strong, and even though I can go really overboard indulging and pushing myself to eat more even when I'm full, I really like the end result too. I love weight training, overeating, and just being me.

Chubby Pear you sound wonderful, and glad you are being all that you were meant to be.


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## NZ Mountain Man (Feb 25, 2022)

SSBHM said:


> Interesting post. I totally agree not everyone is meant to be thin, and you have to really find yourself and love yourself. Eating makes you strong, and even though I can go really overboard indulging and pushing myself to eat more even when I'm full, I really like the end result too. I love weight training, overeating, and just being me.
> 
> Chubby Pear you sound wonderful, and glad you are being all that you were meant to be.


Dislike because of size is ridiculous as eyes are wrong colour. Although I do understand Dog or Cat own issues.


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## mathfa (Feb 26, 2022)

I know it's like 9 years too late, but thank you for posting this, Pear.


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