# I’m pets, I love fat men, and I need to come to terms with it.



## pets (Dec 10, 2018)

ive been into fat men my ENTIRE life. I mean, ever since I had a sex drive I found myself much more attracted to overweight and even obese men.

Myself? I’m tiny. 5’4” and 110 lbs and couldn’t gain weight if I tried. I’ve told exactly 3 people i prefer fat dudes. An ex (who was fat), my best friend, and an online close friend.

My current boyfriend is totally average sized (5’11” and 180). I absolutely adore him, but feel unsatisfied sexually in some ways because he’s not fat. I don’t know how to come to terms with this. I wouldn’t and couldn’t ever break up with him all because he’s not overweight, but IF we ever break up, I think I’ll go after fat guys from then on...

My preferences have caused me a lot of shame in the past. Why would a thin, “pretty” girl prefer fat men? I guess I’m realizing that they’re beautiful and individuals themselves and if I prefer it, so be it.


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## NaeusofStryx (Dec 10, 2018)

pets said:


> ive been into fat men my ENTIRE life.



I think your thread title and that initial statement tells you all you need to know, and I'm glad you have chosen to recognize it and post about it. I was uncomfortable with myself for many years, too, but that's life. I knew in my heart of hearts what I was about, and so do you. You'd be doing yourself a disservice, withholding your own happiness not to accept who you are. You're also missing out on making someone else's life happy (someone you connect with mentally, emotionally, _and_ physically).

A big sticking point for me was my own size: I'm 5'9" and 135 pounds, and have been on the thin side my whole life. In school, I got bullied about my own weight (being a thin dork, not a macho dude, etc.), so this gave me apprehension of dating who I really wanted to be with (bigger women). I thought I couldn't fulfill the stereotypical masculine role of protector, or the general societal appearance where men are the dominate mass in the equation. I'm not saying that's how things really are, just how I perceived it growing up. 

But, there comes a point when you just have to put what you perceive as society's judgments (and your own) out of your mind and just live the life that makes you happy. I don't see any point in playing a game if you can't enjoy it, and life should at least be happy more often than not, especially if it's within our control to help the odds. Besides, most of the time people are unfazed by your preferences, or support you as a friend and are interested out of genuine curiosity. Commentary that makes you feel shamed (from anyone, to include family), is not anything you need to heed or surround yourself with. I hope I understood your situation and hope that helps you!


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## Tad (Dec 10, 2018)

First, welcome to Dimensions, Pet! I hope you find plenty here that makes your life better.

Now on to your post. There are a variety of experiences and opinions on a lot of the issues in your post, in the older threads on this board. I'm not going to try and recap it all, nor say that my opinion is the right one. I'm just noting that there are a lot of opinions that differ from mine.

My opinion comes down to: living a lie sucks, for all sorts of reasons. I'm not saying that you want to, but it sounds like in some areas you might be, at least a bit?

Dont live a lie about what you like. You don't have to scream the details of your desires from the rooftops, but don't deny them. I guess the best way that i can put it is to live your life like people know and it isn't a big deal. Don't fawn over some actor who you don't find attractive, dontdbe complicit in fat bashing, be considerate of fat people and give them a smile and a compliment.

Don't live a lie in your relationship by getting your kink scratched in secret by someone other than your boyfriend. That is, don't get any more intimate about fat stuff with another guy than you would about sex, given that fat stuff is sexual to you.

You don't have to be explicit with your boyfriend about your fat love, but make sure he has a clue. This time of year is a great one to bring it up in a semi-joking sort of way. Make lots of cookies and warn him that this time of year brings out your inner Italian Grandmother band that you will be all "eat, eat, eat!" Or grumble about a skinny santa claus and tell him "young Pets may have had a bit of a thing for Santa, and my inner confused pubescent Pet is not amused by the withering away of her eye candy". Or whatever works between you two in order to give him a clue that you have a fat appreciating side.

It is a tough situation. You don't want to hurt him. You don't want to ruin your relationship. You may be reluctant to lose the privilege that comes with being perceived as having a 'correct' body and 'correct' desires, and yet you don't want to lose your own sexuality.

And fwiw, i i t my wife when she was pretty thin, and went through alot of the same issues. I have been fortunate, to paraphrase The Stones I may not have gotten all the fat I wanted, but I got the fat I needed. So sometimes these situations work out.

Best of luck!


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## Starling (Dec 13, 2018)

I’m not sure how old you are, but I’ve noticed that this is much less of a big deal for me at thirty than it was at say, twenty two. As a 5’4 fit 125lb woman who makes a concerted effort to appear conventionally feminine/attractive, I know people can definitely make unkind assumptions about you if you are with a large man. Like you need to make yourself better looking in comparison, you want someone who won’t find a better looking girl to cheat on, you want the attention/devotion that comes from dating someone “less attractive”. As I got older that was significantly less of an issue, especially because I am overwhelmingly picky with men. They need to be fat, yes, but they also need to be tall, have amazing teeth, a great job, and killer good looks. Once “fat” started being just another thing in my incredibly specific list of desired qualities, it stopped being something to be ashamed about. And I have dated some incredibly handsome men, where the fact that I am smaller is not even a consideration. Even now, the first thing people mention to me about my husband is not that he’s heavy, but how good looking he is. An older coworker rudely phrased it as “he’d be a movie star if he lost some weight”, but those kind of comments are rare. The point of this long ramble is if you are confident and own your preferences and realize that it isn’t settling by a long shot (in fact it makes it harder to find someone who meets your standards), people will react the same way.


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## Starling (Dec 13, 2018)

And lastly, when it comes to your current boyfriend, you might say something like “you’re so handsome, you won me over even if you’re a bit (thinner, fitter, buffer) than the guys I usually go for”. He might say nothing, he might ask you more, he might take that as an invitation to gain weight in a way he always wanted to but never had permission to before. You never know! In the meantime, knowing you aren’t the only person who feels that way definitely helps - or at least it helped a younger more insecure Starling immensely!


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## AmyJo1976 (Dec 14, 2018)

If you're not satisfied with him you need to move on. It doesn't matter the reason. Delaying the inevitable because you think it is a bad reason is just wasting both or your time.


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## BigElectricKat (Dec 14, 2018)

Since I've been away from Dims for a while, I hope you don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way:

My biggest issue I have with people and their relationships is that often, folks get impatient for companionship at times. I can relate to men and women who view physical attraction as the major component in a relationship. BUT (and there's always a big butt in there somewhere), most would agree that it's not the only ingredient in a good match. For myself personally, I'm more concerned with the way a person makes me feel when I am with (and sometimes not with ) them. Do they make me smile? Do they make me think? Do they give me pause? Am I better with them? Do I long for them when they are away? Does my heart soar when I see them? Do their kisses electrify me? Do their whispers ignite my passions, etc? Those things are more important to me that just about any physical attribute. I guess to some I'm weird. I don't have a set "standard" that I am attracted to. In truth, every girl has her own beauty; you just have to know how to find it. 

Now that I'm off my soap box (the thin air up there makes me ramble on), I'll get to your quandary. If you feel that you aren't as sexually attracted to your current boyfriend as you think you might be with a bigger guy, there's a problem. What made you start dating this "average" guy in the first place? Was there something special about him that made you forget or disregard your preference for big (I still dislike saying fat but you know what I mean) guys? Or is he just a "place holder" until you find that perfect big fella? Either way, I agree that you should come to terms with what you really, really want. 

Have a Happy Holiday Season!


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## extra_m13 (Dec 17, 2018)

i'm sure you're not the only one... that is the reason for this kind of forums, to come here, let it all out and look for ways to make peace with what we really want out there


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## FleurBleu (Jan 7, 2019)

You're definitely not alone. I discovered my preference AFTER I got married and thought it wouldn't matter since I loved my (ultra thin, unwilling to gain) husband as a person. However, I can't get sexually excited by him no matter how much I love his face, his skin his scent etc. Recently I confessed to my preferences and while he is relieved to know the reason for my lack of active participation in bed, it has thrown him. We barely touch anymore and I feel so stuck. I finally stand by who I am but I don't know how to unite this with my marriage. Considering we all change physically over time, and usually not for the better, and looks are not what should count, is my preference enough to end things? On the other hand, a lifetime of, as Tad put it, "getting your kink scratched in secret by someone other than your boyfriend" doesn't sound healthy and honest to me either...


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## agouderia (Jan 8, 2019)

I hear you FleurBleu. That was in the end the reason I turned down my first longer-term boyfriend when he proposed - subconsciously something told me it wouldn't be fair to both of us. Parallel having the opportunity to an affair with a fun, experienced big guy definitely served as a catalyst .

What to do if you're already married - no idea. My circle of friends currently is facing a spree of divorces though. In all of these cases it is safe to say that the seed for what drove the couple apart was already there when they got married. 
The essential expectation that was never voiced, the pre-existing imbalance that couldn't stand the challenges of life, etc. 
Natural changes over time can mean you as a couple develop towards each other - but just as well that you develop on different paths. 
From how you describe your situation I get the vibe that your husband might be asking himself the exact same questions. 
Good luck with whatever is next for you.


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## FleurBleu (Jan 8, 2019)

Thank you for your kind words. The only consolation right now is that I finally feel I can stand by what I like. I'm tired of hiding.


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## LarryTheNoodleGuy (Jan 8, 2019)

pets said:


> ive been into fat men my ENTIRE life. I mean, ever since I had a sex drive I found myself much more attracted to overweight and even obese men.
> 
> .



Well...hi! I met my first skinny feeder three years ago and what a pleasure it was to let my belly out both in and out of the bedroom, with her encouragement, and see her eyes pop. (Blush) or to lie down on the bed without a shirt and seeing her smile from the edge of the bed. ("Why are you smiling?" "Your belly is still big even when you lie down!" Then to have her cuddle up next to you and run her hands over your swollen, jiggly belly...and you are helpless, like a dog having his belly rubbed.

Welcome 2 u!


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## FleurBleu (Jan 8, 2019)

Larry, 

While I'm glad you've found that pleasure, have you got any experience to share with us that could help us deal with the problem Pet and I have?


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## LarryTheNoodleGuy (Jan 8, 2019)

FleurBleu said:


> Larry,
> 
> While I'm glad you've found that pleasure, have you got any experience to share with us that could help us deal with the problem Pet and I have?



I have been on the receiving end of the opposite problem; partner unhappy with my pounds. Went on Weight Watchers, lost some weight, but ehhh. But that was just someone I was dating. Ironically, she ended up gaining over 30 pounds down the line, and I regained the lost weight plus a lot more. 

Never had the experience of someone, particularly someone I had gone through the quite serious lifetime committment with, vows and such, being unhappy with my body to the point where sex was down to a dribble. 

But if it was me on the receieving end of this, I would divorce you.


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## FleurBleu (Jan 8, 2019)

That was brutal but honest. Thank you.


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## landshark (Jan 8, 2019)

FleurBleu said:


> Larry,
> 
> While I'm glad you've found that pleasure, have you got any experience to share with us that could help us deal with the problem Pet and I have?



I can relate to you both but from a male perspective. I’m reasonably good looking and fit, but I prefer fat women and am married to one.

In @pets case it’s as simple as deciding you don’t give a damn about what a “thin pretty girl” is supposed to like. Society’s expectations are only relevant to one’s personal preferences if one allows them to be. This is a journey I embarked on years ago and truthfully am still on it.

Your situation is more complex because you have a marriage and presumably a lot of time and emotion invested in that. All I can say is you have to weigh that against the physical preference you have and decide what you care about more. As you noted: physically we all will eventually change anyway. But if you’re not happy why would you force yourself to carry on? 

It’s a tough issue for you to grapple with and I don’t envy you.


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## LeoGibson (Jan 8, 2019)

I’m currently separated and soon to divorce and a large reason, not the only one in my case but the catalyst that started it all, was a lack of sex drive from my stbx. Now hers is likely a different reasoning than op’s for losing her desire, whether it be a loss of desire altogether or just a loss of desire for me at this point it doesn’t even matter anymore since she was never willing to verbalize it I don’t know. I will say It makes for a really disheartening marriage when your partner isn’t into having a physical relationship with you. After a while the other parts just wither and die and you’re left with resentment for a bunch of wasted time. At least this was my own experience.


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## SSBHM (Jan 8, 2019)

There is a prayer, I'm sure you've heard it before. 

Grant me serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 

Some decisions we can only make for ourselves.

Now off to get pizza and ice cream!


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## FleurBleu (Jan 9, 2019)

Thank you all for your honest contributions. While I feel for everyone who is or has been in the same situation, it's somehow reassuring I'm not the only one struggling. I've been wondering all my life why I couldn't get excited over what my peers seemed to be into. I only wish I had found out what I want before I got married, but that belongs into the "accept the things I can't change" category.


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## LarryTheNoodleGuy (Jan 9, 2019)

It is indeed brutal, but that sort of brutality freed me from staying in a marriage that worked well for many years but once it was over, it needed a period, as Judge Judy says, rather than a years-long torture-fest where neither partner was happy.

An analogy - when you live on a farm and you need to put down an animal, you don't make superficial cuts with a dull knife. You do what needs to be done and make it quick. And this is after trying every possible solution. Divorce is shattering.


FleurBleu said:


> That was brutal but honest. Thank you.


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## NaeusofStryx (Jan 9, 2019)

Sometimes in life, it helps for me to think in terms of _eternal recurrence_: if you had to live your life exactly the same way over and over again for eternity, how would that affect the decision you are about to make? (no past decisions, they're already done and gone)

The idea is to put into perspective how important the decision is for _your_ life, _your _happiness, instead of succumbing to some other pressures we have in our lives, which may be superficial and not that important. If you're having concerns on whether it's *moral* to go your separate ways based on physical attraction, I think this is the wrong perspective; that's an idea based in social pressure (_"Will people think I'm a bad person for/Am I shallow for..."_). A more appropriate concern is whether or not you can stay in a marriage with no physical attraction. Everyone is different when it comes to how important physical attraction/interaction is to them, so just be true to yourself. Life is hard, so also cut yourself some slack and show yourself a little compassion.

Life isn't linear, either, and sometimes it's a winding road to figure out who we are. These are the situations that make life interesting and rewarding despite the hardship. To me, it's worth all the discomfort to be who you really are, to be true to yourself. We can't go back and alter the past, and to deny one's own nature is to live in *avoidable* suffering. I can't presume to know how difficult it is to be married to someone you're not really into, but honesty and compassion are the two best tools your have at your disposal. If you're honest with yourself and your partner, you have done everything you can.


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## FleurBleu (Jan 9, 2019)

Thank you for putting so much thought into the matter. Do you mean, if I had to live my life all over again, would I make the same choices BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE TODAY AND THE PERSON I'M NOW or the things I know and the person I was AT THAT TIME?


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## NaeusofStryx (Jan 10, 2019)

My fault if I didn't articulate it the best. The idea in the thought experiment is that you're already going to relive the past as it has been, exactly as it has been. All the good times and the bad. To put it another way: you're making a movie, that you'll have to watch over and over. You've already shot the first half, which is your past up to this point. That part is going to print.

But, if you have to live your *same* life over and over again, how would you move forward from *here*? From right *now*? Would you choose to live forever in a loop where: you stay in a marriage without physical compatibility, or would you choose to part ways and find someone who has all the qualities that make you happy?

The point of the thought experiment is to show you that you have the power to make choices, and to choose the path that you think will bring you happiness; to not get bogged down in fear of what other people think, or the fear of short-term discomfort. If it doesn't make sense, don't worry, it's not for everyone. Just be honest with yourself about what you truly want, and let that guide you.


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## FleurBleu (Jan 10, 2019)

Strys, thank you for elaborating. It is an intriguing thought experiment that I'll definitely give a go. I'm grateful to you all for putting so much thought into this. I should have joined this community much sooner.


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## FleurBleu (Jan 10, 2019)

LarryTheNoodleGuy said:


> You do what needs to be done and make it quick. And this is after trying every possible solution.


You know, upon some processing that last bit helped a lot. If I've tried everything, I can make the decision with a lighter heart. Thank you.


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## Starling (Jan 12, 2019)

@FleurBleu - have you checked to see if your husband would be interested in some of the more ‘vanilla’ aspects of an FFA relationship? For instance, if he’s willing to eat a big meal and let you rub his belly after once or twice a month? 
Or anything along those lines that won’t change his body into something he doesn’t want, but will also let you have some fun sexually? Or maybe even giving him a nice massage all over, you might learn he has some hidden soft spots that you can focus on when you’re in the mood.


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## FleurBleu (Jan 12, 2019)

Starling, good thought. We have indeed tried some of those things but they weren't enough for me :-\ they only e emphasized how little he still us by comparison.


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## SSBHM (Jan 14, 2019)

FleurBleu said:


> Starling, good thought. We have indeed tried some of those things but they weren't enough for me :-\ they only e emphasized how little he still us by comparison.


How big do you really think you like a guy?


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## FleurBleu (Jan 14, 2019)

I can only judge by the pictures and videos that rev my engine: soft, squeezable and big all over. A juice butt, a belly bulging over the beltline and thighs that rub together.


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## bigisland (Jan 14, 2019)

FleurBleu I now see your recent story with a different point of view. I think many of us can sympathize with your situation, to be married to someone you love is all important.
Is there someway you can reach a level of personal satisfaction through fantasy or other means?
Good luck I hope you come up with a satisfactory solution with ou a broken heart.


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## FleurBleu (Jan 14, 2019)

bigisland said:


> Is there someway you can reach a level of personal satisfaction through fantasy or other means?.



That's what I've been doing secretly ever since I've found out about my preference. The problem is, our sex life has been thoroughly impacted by this tim since then: as much as I love my husband as a person, I can't get aroused by his body and therefore never initiate sex anymore. Only when I admitted to my preferences did my husband admit how frustrated he was with my lack of sex drive. The thought of reviving it and keeping it alive though fantasies only feels daunting. Does that make sense?


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## bigisland (Jan 15, 2019)

FleurBleu said:


> That's what I've been doing secretly ever since I've found out about my preference. The problem is, our sex life has been thoroughly impacted by this tim since then: as much as I love my husband as a person, I can't get aroused by his body and therefore never initiate sex anymore. Only when I admitted to my preferences did my husband admit how frustrated he was with my lack of sex drive. The thought of reviving it and keeping it alive though fantasies only feels daunting. Does that make sense?


Yes it dose, but in my limited experience I’ve found in any good relationship there is compromise, give and take and love. 
You may be able to work this out your very capable mind.


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## AmyJo1976 (Jan 15, 2019)

FleurBleu said:


> That's what I've been doing secretly ever since I've found out about my preference. The problem is, our sex life has been thoroughly impacted by this tim since then: as much as I love my husband as a person, I can't get aroused by his body and therefore never initiate sex anymore. Only when I admitted to my preferences did my husband admit how frustrated he was with my lack of sex drive. The thought of reviving it and keeping it alive though fantasies only feels daunting. Does that make sense?


I agree, to resign your sex life off to fantasies, just because you love your spouse and are married is not a good path to take and I don't think he would care much for it if you told him such. If you maintain a relationship based on pure fantasy, then that relationship becomes a fantasy itself. If there's no compromise that you both can come to and be happy together, then you should move on and find what you're looking for. It may be hard, but you will both be happier in the end. Remember, you may love him sincerely, but it's a different type of love you're longing for. I love my mother, I can't stand her most of the time, but I love her and I don't have to live with her or look to her for sexual satisfaction, if that makes any sense.


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## FleurBleu (Jan 15, 2019)

Thank you for not judging me. There are mean communities out there that lash out at members who have a sincere problem, but not here.


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## AmyJo1976 (Jan 15, 2019)

You shouldn't be judged here. You're looking for comfort and possibly to here from people that share your likes and experiences. Hit me up anytime if you need someone just to blow off steam to that will not judge you.


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## SSBHM (Jan 15, 2019)

AmyJo1976 said:


> I agree, to resign your sex life off to fantasies, just because you love your spouse and are married is not a good path to take and I don't think he would care much for it if you told him such. If you maintain a relationship based on pure fantasy, then that relationship becomes a fantasy itself. If there's no compromise that you both can come to and be happy together, then you should move on and find what you're looking for. It may be hard, but you will both be happier in the end. Remember, you may love him sincerely, but it's a different type of love you're longing for. I love my mother, I can't stand her most of the time, but I love her and I don't have to live with her or look to her for sexual satisfaction, if that makes any sense.



Glad you clarified that. I was getting so confused. 

I do love me some chocolate cake, donuts, cookies, ice cream, and pizza, but it's strictly platonic I assure you.


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## SSBHM (Jan 15, 2019)

AmyJo1976 said:


> You shouldn't be judged here. You're looking for comfort and possibly to here from people that share your likes and experiences. Hit me up anytime if you need someone just to blow off steam to that will not judge you.



Hope my comments aren't insensitive. I just wanted to lighten the mood a bit. 

Not that lightening is always a good thing. I like being heavy. The heavier the better usually. 

Off to snack time!


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## SSBHM (Jan 15, 2019)

FleurBleu said:


> Thank you for not judging me. There are mean communities out there that lash out at members who have a sincere problem, but not here.



I hope no one is judging you, or makes you feel judged here.

Life is definitely very, very, very complicated.

I think you're being courageous expressing your thoughts, and hope you find some way to resolving your frustration.

Life isn't easy, fair, and it definitely doesn't follow a straight or direct path. Luckily, I like my paths curvy, circular, and even round! lol


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## FleurBleu (Jan 15, 2019)

SSBHM, you're a riot! I'm a fan of your double-entendres


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## TwoSwords (Jan 15, 2019)

pets said:


> My preferences have caused me a lot of shame in the past. Why would a thin, “pretty” girl prefer fat men? I guess I’m realizing that they’re beautiful and individuals themselves and if I prefer it, so be it.



Believe me when I say; most fat guys will be eager to accept this about you. It's generally much more common for guys to have accepted their weight, and it tends to be easier to find a fat guy who also likes being fat, than it is to find a fat girl of the same type. Also, a guy's usual reaction to hearing something like this about a girl, even if he *does* disagree with her would be "Huh. This is kind of quirky, but it's cool."


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## SSBHM (Jan 16, 2019)

FleurBleu said:


> SSBHM, you're a riot! I'm a fan of your double-entendres


blushing


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## kokori72 (Jan 16, 2019)

Wish I had the same problem with my wife... She wants from me the completely different thing.. she wants me to loose weight. And although she doesn’t admit that the problem doen’t have to do with the sex but it has to do only with my health, I feel that even during sex my fat is too much for her and also I feel that she doesn’t like when all my shirts are tight and when I’m sitting and all the buttons are almost ready to pop out. Personally I want to feel that I’m accepted at least. I want to feel the hands on my belly or other fat parts without making me feel guilty because of my desire to overeating, snacking, tasting etc.. Sometimes i’m Trying to find out where are all these women in real life who would love us (fatties) and feel their hands on our fat and feel that they love what they touch.... Obviously here is the society where all these people exist.. but again that is not real life..... Anyway hope one day I will meet such a woman...because food is sooooo nice!


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## FleurBleu (Jan 16, 2019)

This is definitely the place where such people exist. As I've posted above, I wish there was a way for the likes of us to find one another. 
You wrote "my desire to overeating". Does that mean you think you have your eating under control, you just LIKE to overeat a little? I'm just asking because I struggled with an eating disorder for a long time and could relate to your wife worrying if that were the case. 
How long have you been married? Were you thin when you met?
Do YOU like your body?


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## kokori72 (Jan 16, 2019)

Hello.. nice to meet you at first..
When I say my desire to overeating, I mean that when I have food in front of me I want to eat it all.. i want to taste all I have in front of me.. By the time my stomach has become bigger because of that. Today when I sit to eat I always eat two plates or more.. and that’s why I also love the concept of meze or tapas.. you never count how much you eat.. and I stop whenever I feel stretched much.. and again all this is like domino the more you strech your stomach the more you want to eat the next time.. and then gain weight is just a consequence 
By the time I started dreaming the food.. Now, all the time I dream what I will eat next.. I love eating and I cannot stop without having felt stretched .. that is when I say “overeating desire”
Now, if I like my body.. I would say the feelings are controversial. I love my fat body, however sometimes I cannot find my sizes on brands and clothes I like. Apart from that, it has to do also with the partner. I guess that if my wife loved my body I might have let myself go more and more and wouldn’t have any problem on that..
I met her 5 years ago. Till then I gained 20lbs.. I guess it’s not that much..


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