# Dating only FAs



## MisticalMisty (Sep 2, 2006)

I wasn't sure where to post this..and I think it's been discussed before but I couldn't find it at all.

A friend and I got in a debate tonight about the term FA and the fact that I choose to only date FAs.

He said that he doesn't want to be labeled. I can understand that..I hate the term ssbbw..I'm just a fat girl.

However, sparks flew when I started mentioning that I only wanted to date an FA. It's been my experience, intimately, that a guy that claims to not have a preference doesn't pay attention to my body the same way an FA does. My biggest erogenous zone is my belly and I want a man that loves it as much as I do.

So here are my questions. What are your feelings about the label? and Ladies, would you rather date an FA or someone with no preference?


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Sep 2, 2006)

I don't mind the label FA.


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## Zandoz (Sep 2, 2006)

Like all subjective labels,they're prone to cause as many or more disagreements than avoidance of same. Labels are meaningless without actions to back them up...and with actions they are irrelivant.

No matter what I or anyone else lable me, my deeds tell the truth of what I am. The evil seldom admit it...the good seldom claim it.


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## moonvine (Sep 2, 2006)

I was actually thinking about this on the way home. I think the term FA is pretty bizarre. Like if you stick a lump of lard in the middle of the table they will sit there and admire it. 

Anyhoo, I don't really care if a person I date is an FA. I really don't ask someone if they are an FA when they ask me out, generally. I do care that they treat me with respect and all that fun stuff.


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## Tina (Sep 2, 2006)

I definitely prefer an FA over the average Joe. My body is incredibly soft and it needs to be worshipped, and no one will do that like an FA will.  

I, too, love to have my belly fondled, and there is this one specific spot that, when touched, drives me wild. Only a guy into fat girls, and bellies, would find that out without me telling him. And while I don't mind telling, I'd rather he love to explore and luxuriate in my soft and silky skin and body enough to find it out on his own. Also, I want a guy who will appreciate my proportions as much as I do, and who won't find the 20 inch difference between my waist and hips, and the jiggle factor, embarrassing. Some would, but screw them.  I want him to appreciate and lust after my body the same way I appreciate and lust after his. :wubu: 

There are also practical matters that are important to me. I don't necessarily want to explain every nuance of why living in, travelling in, dining out in, and shopping in (amongst a whole host of other activities, in bed and out) this fat body is different from the way skinny Susie lives. He just knows, if he is either well-read enough, or experienced enough, the general run-down of what to plan for and what to do and not to do, as pertains to the requirements of properly dating a fat girl. He may not know it all, but he's got a darned good idea, and would never come to pick me up in an MG Midget without a crane, vaseline and a prybar.  

I hope you don't mind if I move this, Misty, as I think it's more appropriate for the Main Board, rather than Hyde Park.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 2, 2006)

Tina said:


> I hope you don't mind if I move this, Misty, as I think it's more appropriate for the Main Board, rather than Hyde Park.


I don't mind at all..the debate got a little heated earlier..lol..so I thought it might get that way again!


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## Tina (Sep 2, 2006)

If it does I will move it back, but hopefully it won't.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 2, 2006)

Tina said:


> There are also practical matters that are important to me. I don't necessarily want to explain every nuance of why living in, travelling in, dining out in, and shopping in (amongst a whole host of other activities, in bed and out) this fat body is different from the way skinny Susie lives. He just knows, if he is either well-read enough, or experienced enough, the general run-down of what to plan for and what to do and not to do, in general. He may not know it all, but he's got a darned good idea, and would never come to pick me up in an MG Midget without a crane, vaseline and a prybar.


Exactly. It's definitely more than just a sexual thing. It's an everyday life thing! I need a man that understands that it's not always easy to date a fat girl. He needs to be willing to make accomodations and sometimes sacrifices.

Thank goodness someone understands what I meant. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way Tina!


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## Tina (Sep 3, 2006)

No, Misty, you're not -- lots of us do. And there are many admirers out there who get it, too, and have no problem with accomodating the larger female, and really *want* to do so. 

I know that some women don't want an FA, thinking that he should want her for who she is inside. Well, to that I have to say: "duh." But it just doesn't usually work that way out in the real world. I don't sleep around, so any guy I would be dating (before I got together with the darling boy) would also not just be in it for a fling. So, in meeting the usual way, it's the physical that attracts first, visually, and then you get to know the person better and can decide if her/his personality outshines even her/his looks. When it does, you've got a winner.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 3, 2006)

Tina said:


> No, Misty, you're not -- lots of us do. And there are many admirers out there who get it, too, and have no problem with accomodating the larger female, and really *want* to do so.
> 
> I know that some women don't want an FA, thinking that he should want her for who she is inside. Well, to that I have to say: "duh." But it just doesn't usually work that way out in the real world. I don't sleep around, so any guy I would be dating (before I got together with the darling boy) would also not just be in it for a fling. So, in meeting the usual way, it's the physical that attracts first, visually, and then you get to know the person better and can decide if her/his personality outshines even her/his looks. When it does, you've got a winner.


That's what I couldn't get people to understand earlier. The initial attraction will always be physical. You can't tell my personality from a distance. I mean..you can tell I'm loud..lol..but not the rest of it. A guy will approach me because he's attracted and then will get to know me.

Now to find my winner


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## Tina (Sep 3, 2006)

Yeah, I can never get it that others cannot seem to get it. Looks first, even if it's as simple, yet compelling, as the eyes or the smile; chemistry second or third; personality second or third (sometimes you just know there's chemistry before you've said a dozen words), and compatibility fouth, IMO. But hey, we all have our own way. 

And he may just find you.


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## Carrie (Sep 3, 2006)

Tina said:


> I know that some women don't want an FA, thinking that he should want her for who she is inside. Well, to that I have to say: "duh." But it just doesn't usually work that way out in the real world. I don't sleep around, so any guy I would be dating (before I got together with the darling boy) would also not just be in it for a fling. So, in meeting the usual way, it's the physical that attracts first, visually, and then you get to know the person better and can decide if her/his personality outshines even her/his looks. When it does, you've got a winner.



So true, Tina. I get irritated by the rationale I seem to encounter so often re. dating non-FA's vs. dating FA's - like it's an either/or situation. Either you can date someone who likes YOU, or you can date someone who's attracted to you based on your physical being. That's narrow-minded and inaccurate. The truth is, we don't have to choose. There are wonderful FA's out there who will love our minds and hearts, AND find us utterly hot. It's an indescribable feeling, when you find it. 

I've experienced it, and now I'm not willing to settle for less.


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## Tina (Sep 3, 2006)

Carrie said:


> I've experienced it, and now I'm not willing to settle for less.



Same here, doll. I WANT my guy to lust after me. I think some women picture slobbering one-track-minded guys zeroing in on the belly immediately, with no thought or acknowledgement that she has eyes and a brain. And while I'm absolutely certain there are a few of those out there, they are thankfully in the minority. 

Now, some guys truly have no preferences, and they can be just fine. They learn the ropes eventually, and also come to appreciate the charms that make tactile explorations with us plush girls such a sensuous experience. Been there, and there's nothing wrong with it. Were I to have fallen love with that kind of man I would have been okay with it. 

But I do prefer a man who can go from an animated conversation at a restaurant (where he has made sure there is seating that accomodates my dimensions) -- where he obviously is listening to, and appreciating, what I'm saying -- to, when we're home and I'm walking down the hall and look back, I see him with his head cocked to the side, intently watching my bum. With a smile, of course.


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## moonvine (Sep 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Exactly. It's definitely more than just a sexual thing. It's an everyday life thing! I need a man that understands that it's not always easy to date a fat girl. He needs to be willing to make accomodations and sometimes sacrifices.
> 
> Thank goodness someone understands what I meant. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way Tina!



I am a little different, I think. About the only accomodations I can think of that need to be made for me are walking slower (which they would probably need to do anyway since I am short) and putting the armrest up between us in the airplane.

I don't want anyone parking close so I don't have to walk far, or anything like that. I need the exercise. I want to be treated as much like normal as possible.

This is just me, though.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 3, 2006)

I perfer an fa......... I agree I learned my belly being rubbed is a turn on...boy was I surprised I went from the girl who was so insecure about it somtimes I find myself rubbing it but its not the same as a man loving my belly & yes a man can love your belly as much as he loves you.... but now im single & Im missing the belly rub


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## Santaclear (Sep 3, 2006)

I don't know if I've EVER used the term FA in real life but I don't mind it a bit. It's just a describer and like all describing words is vague. I definitely am one but have spent zero energy thinking about the term before now. I understand people not wanting to be labelled (I just was discussing this earlier re: the terms BBW and SSBBW) but to me these terms are not a big deal at all.



moonvine said:


> I was actually thinking about this on the way home. I think the term FA is pretty bizarre. Like if you stick a lump of lard in the middle of the table they will sit there and admire it.



Sure, you can think of it that way if you choose (the de-sexualizing of FA-ness), but MOST things can be seen as similarly gross if you try to see them that way.


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## moonvine (Sep 3, 2006)

Santaclear said:


> Sure, you can think of it that way if you choose (the de-sexualizing of FA-ness), but MOST things can be seen as similarly gross if you try to see them that way.



I think about strange things when I get bored, but I wasn't thinking of it as gross. Just odd. I think it is part of not "getting it" since I don't share the preference.


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## Tina (Sep 3, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I am a little different, I think. About the only accomodations I can think of that need to be made for me are walking slower (which they would probably need to do anyway since I am short) and putting the armrest up between us in the airplane.
> 
> I don't want anyone parking close so I don't have to walk far, or anything like that. I need the exercise. I want to be treated as much like normal as possible.
> 
> This is just me, though.



Then that is all you would need and that would be fine. I think, though, the larger a woman has been, and the less she feels connected to the world and what it tells us we should look like, fit into, and require, the more we might appreciate a man who understands. And one who quietly understands because he cares to -- because he wants to make us feel cared for. 

The closer one is, and maybe have always been, to fitting into public spaces, the less this sort of thoughtfulness means -- aside from it just not being necessary.

I don't think the term Fat Admirer is a perfect term to describe people who like fat partners. Just as BBW isn't perfect to describe all fat women. To take it so literally certainly does make it a ridiculous term. It's just shorthand, that's all.


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## olivefun (Sep 3, 2006)

Sometimes, when I am dating a man who is used to being with slim women, they will suggest restaurants that only have booths (that I cannot fit into) or stuff like that. 

I am dating a man who used to live with an asian woman who was skinny. 
When I found that out, I felt like dropping him right away.
But realizing *how ridiculous* that was, I let those feelings pass. 

The woman before that was also asian and petite. 
It made me think, "what am I doing with this guy?" 
Made me think that he couldn't find me AND these smaller women attractive. He must be an FA imposter! 
Sigh.

If he is an imposter, he is very convincing, and I am willing to accept this man . It really affected me, knowing the size history of the women that came before me, as much as I hate to admit it.


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## moonvine (Sep 3, 2006)

Tina said:


> Then that is all you would need and that would be fine. I think, though, the larger a woman has been, and the less she feels connected to the world and what it tells us we should look like, fit into, and require, the more we might appreciate a man who understands. And one who quietly understands because he cares to -- because he wants to make us feel cared for.
> 
> The closer one is, and maybe have always been, to fitting into public spaces, the less this sort of thoughtfulness means -- aside from it just not being necessary.
> 
> I don't think the term Fat Admirer is a perfect term to describe people who like fat partners. Just as BBW isn't perfect to describe all fat women. To take it so literally certainly does make it a ridiculous term. It's just shorthand, that's all.



Hey Tina,

I think one of my flaws is that I think I am superwoman. I'm probably too independent and insist on doing almost everything for myself, although my best friend did just come over and help me dig a kitty grave because I was emotionally and physically incapable of doing it. Not only has it not rained in 2 months and the ground is as hard as a stone, but I don't own a shovel.

Anyway, for the most part I won't ask anyone for help with anything, so the thought of someone making those sorts of concessions is close to abhorrent to me. I won't even let anyone help me carry the 40 pound boxes of cat litter. I think my first words were "Do by self" or something. This is probably a character flaw and something I should work on.

My thoughts aren't super clear; I've been up almost 24 hours. Up at 5 am to work and can't sleep yet, but the FA thing I was thinking more for someone unfamiliar with the term, what they might picture.


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## Tracyarts (Sep 3, 2006)

I have no specific physical preference, and prefer to be involved with men who have either no specific physical preferences or very broad physical preferences. 

That's what works best for me though. 

Tracy


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## Tina (Sep 3, 2006)

Kelley: "kitty grave"? Not your heart-defect kitty? In any case, I'm sorry. 

Tell me, were you in a relationship, would you want to do things for your guy to make him feel special?

See, to me, this is not about having someone to fetch and carry so I don't ever have to do anything myself. It is about understanding, tacitly or more overtly, that I won't want a big fuss made at the restaurant about needing an armless chair. He will call in advance to see if they are available, and when he gives the reservation, asks that one be moved into place before we are seated. It is about knowing if I will need to be let off near the door, depending upon how far away we are, and maybe asking. And many other things that can make life much nicer with that sort of an understanding partner.

But it's also about the first date, and how akward it can be to have to say, "uh, I can't fit into your car." Or, "I'm sorry, but there is no place for me to sit and eat here," while the wait staff are eyeing me up and down, snickering, or whatever, and fellow would-be diners are assessing the situation. And so much more. When one is supersize and beyond, there is so much opportunity for humiliation; being with an FA just lessens the chances for humiliations, both public and private.


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## moonvine (Sep 3, 2006)

Tina said:


> Kelley: "kitty grave"? Not your heart-defect kitty? In any case, I'm sorry.
> 
> Tell me, were you in a relationship, would you want to do things for your guy to make him feel special?
> 
> ...




Hey Tina,

No, it wasn't Missy, thank God. I wouldn't be here if it was. It was a kitten, and it is sad, but I am getting used to it. They are very fragile, much more so than human babies.

Anyway, I totally see why a person would want that. I think because I have been alone for so long it is totally not a big deal for me to waltz into a restaurant and say "I need an armless chair, please. Thanks!" I guess I just don't see the value of having someone else do it for me.

Now, if someone were to clean out the litterboxes for me, say before I got home from work, I'd probably be beside myself with joy. 

I can see the car thing. I haven't found a car yet that I wouldn't fit into. Oddly enough, the closest I have come was a teeny tiny convertible owned by a fat man and his supersized wife! She was apple shaped though. I fit, but boy was it snug.

I always meet people somewhere on the first date and don't get into cars alone with them, and if I thought I'd have problems fitting into their car I'd probably offer to come get them the next time. 

I'm seriously not trying to be argumentative here. I just honestly do not get it. Maybe we will just have to say we are different!

I do have a question for those of you who say they will only date FAs, though.

If you were at a grocery store or coffee shop or whatever and a guy came up to you and asked you on a date, would you seriously ask him if he were an FA before you answered?

I'm honestly curious here, not trying to be snarky!

I think that there are so few men who might potentially be interested in me that limiting myself further to men with a certain physical preference would not be smart of me. But that is just my opinion.


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## Tina (Sep 3, 2006)

Nah, I know you're not being argumentative. I'm expounding in order to give you the other perspective (from my own experience), because likewise, I am not a meek little mouse (ask Big!). I, too, am very used to asking for an armless chair, if I need one. Been doing it for years, and most times now I don't even need one, and can even sit in many booths, which used to be impossible. It is nice to have those options. But dates can be tricky and potentially embarrassing. Try going out with a guy and you ask for an armless chair, and he asks you, "why?" *sigh* So I'm used to taking care of myself, too, but find guys who think of those things, at times when they're needed, to be a nice little bit of pampering. 

As for FAs, well, were I not in a relationship, and if I liked a guy, I'd go out with him and not grill him on his preference right there. But I'd find a way to see if he was, and wouldn't refuse to date non-FAs, depending.

So glad it wasn't Missy! How is she?


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## Ericthonius (Sep 3, 2006)

Friedrich Nietzsche said, "_If you can label me, you can negate me._"

I think sometimes it's easier for people who've never been with an FA, to say that they wouldn't want to state a specific preference then only to be rejected by the same. That happens from outside, looking in and never having been in a relationship with someone that would be classified here, for the point of discussion, as as an, "FA." Now not all people that could be put under the big umbrella of FA-ness are the same. Some prefer to be called something different but like above a label isn't the thing but a descriptive sentence, a shorthand if you will. Not all are equal nor at the same level of either ability or cognition. That's life. Deal with it. But it's the best place to start to look, as in you don't go to a Chevy dealer and ask what kind of deal he can give you on a new Mustang, would you? 

Tina's right, (Like, when isn't she?), that it's a different kettle of fish having been in a relationship with someone who understands a majority of the special aspects of the whole dating a fat girl thing. The whole restaurant and car thing mentioned above and SO much more and there's also the added plus of having someone who knows what to do and where to do it to a fat girls body and be both willing and prepared as well. You wouldn't ask a carpenter to install a chandelier, would you? Why would a woman NOT want a person, (I'd write man but that would be both gender exclusive to both range of partners AND who could be an FA, SO...), that is for want of a better word a, "Specialist", in their chosen field? 

To each their own, I guess.


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## Jon Blaze (Sep 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I wasn't sure where to post this..and I think it's been discussed before but I couldn't find it at all.
> 
> A friend and I got in a debate tonight about the term FA and the fact that I choose to only date FAs.
> 
> ...




Labels (and the lack of) are ambiguous. One might see an FA as someone that might love the curves of a large woman more than that of someone that claims they have no preference. Another might have a different view.

My views on the label are slightly ambivalent. I think it is great to be identified like that, as it shows courage against the common views of society. FA's are slightly common in the world, but I think the term has a decent effect on a persons' individuality.

On the other hand, it is also a way to single out people that don't identify themselves as this, and gives them less chances in finding love (In large women that only look for guys that identify themselves as FA's).

Lately I haven't been able to say where I stand really. I tried my hardest to be neutral on the weight debate, but I've given. I guess it's just my nature to prefer curvier women more. Nothing against thin girls. Curves just seem to entice me more. Call me what you want to.

You have experience with both types of guys. I haven't had much intimacy with large women (or any woman really  ), so I can't say I disagree or agree with your statement about how men approach your physique. I don't know how my first reaction would be. I think I can do just as good a job as the guys that label themselves as FA's (should one not label me as one). I really don't like people that stand by that message. These people usually have more experience than me though.


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## lemmink (Sep 3, 2006)

I remember reading another thread about women complaining about FAs having complexes about their FAness, or feeling like they were being used solely for their bodies. They were far more interested in men with a broader or undefined physical preference than an FA. 

I guess, in the right relationship, non-FA men could learn about the practical sides of dating a fat person, and come to love&understand them as much as the next FA. 

I avoid people who have a sexual preference for my "type", personally, but that's because I'd prefer to have someone interested in me for my personality, rather than for my body/looks. That said, I should add that it's nice to be with a guy who loves tummies, and is perfectly okay with me playing with his.


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## Carrie (Sep 3, 2006)

lemmink said:


> I avoid people who have a sexual preference for my "type", personally, but that's because I'd prefer to have someone interested in me for my personality, rather than for my body/looks.



Gah.  See, this is the mindset that bugs me. Choosing to be with an FA doesn't HAVE to be an either/or situation! For more details, visit posts by Tina and myself on page 1 of this thread.


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## Carrie (Sep 3, 2006)

In thinking some more on this topic, I realize that I actually have more on which to base my desire to date a FA than simply having dated some. Over the past year I've come to terms with the fact that I have my own physical preferences for males - and I say "come to terms" because it actually was quite a struggle to realize it and become okay with it. For the longest time I believed that it would be wrong of me, a fat girl, to base even part of my attraction to a man on his outward appearance. I've been negatively judged based on my appearance for my entire life, so what kind of hypocrite would I be to allow appearance to enter the equation in terms of my attraction for someone? 

However, as time went on, I began to understand and appreciate FA-ness, for lack of a better word, and began to accept that not only do I have a preference for what I find attractive in men, but that that's perfectly okay and not something for which I need to apologize, or even explain - much the same mindset that I hope a true-blue FA would have re. his own preference. 

Truthfully, I have been with men who "did it" for my physically, and those who didn't. Loved both, cared about both, but yes, with the one who was my physical ideal, it was just an altogether different vibe - a better one. That feeling of not being able to keep one's hands off each other is pretty heady, and makes physical encounters (and even everyday life) all the more erotic and compelling, in my opinion. 

So....yeah. I guess you could say I've been on both sides of the fence and am making a pretty informed decision when I say I want to date FA's. And kiss them. 

And, well, other stuff.


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## lemmink (Sep 3, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Gah.  See, this is the mindset that bugs me. Choosing to be with an FA doesn't HAVE to be an either/or situation! For more details, visit posts by Tina and myself on page 1 of this thread.



Yes, yes, I know.  I just mean from a personal perspective, I go out of my way on this to make sure.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 3, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I do have a question for those of you who say they will only date FAs, though.
> 
> If you were at a grocery store or coffee shop or whatever and a guy came up to you and asked you on a date, would you seriously ask him if he were an FA before you answered?
> 
> ...


Of course I wouldn't blow him off. I would talk to him and yes actually go on a date with him. It would depend on how the date went if we were to see each other again. 

I'm also independent and I'm not looking to be some goddess and have my FA wait on me hand and foot. That's not the issue. The issue is that I'm a supersized woman and I don't "fit" into the world around me very easily. The table vs. booth issue is just one of many. The sacrifices I mentioned are along the lines of *there is no way I'm going to fit into the seat at the concert, so either you'll have to go alone or not go at all*..etc.

I think a lot of women are turned off of FAs because they think that loving their fat is a fetish. For some, I'm sure that's the case but they are NOT FAs. 

I just don't understand * and this isn't directed at you moonvine* how a woman could NOT want someone who was totally in love with their body. I'm sorry, my fat is a part of who I am. It effects every decision I make on a daily basis and as long as I'm fat, it will continue to be a factor in my everyday life. I am a fat woman. I'm not a thin woman trapped in a fat woman's body. I AM A FAT WOMAN. Therefore, I want a guy that is completely and totally in love with my body. Unless he is some psycho, it's not going to be just about my body..it's going to be about my caring heart, my crazy ass personality and my ability to make anyone laugh within 5 mins of meeting me. But you know what..I want it to be my body that draws him too me. I want him to look at me and think *Damn, she's confident with her size and her body and that's beautiful.*

Moving in to the realms of intimacy. I want a man that will look adoringly upon my body as I strip. I don't want a guy that wants to leave the lights off or is a wham, bam thank you mam guy because the only thing that gets him going is my massive breasts.

I want a guy that will pay attention to every dimple, every curve, every roll, every crease of my body..my belly, my breasts, that roll of fat at the back of my neck..the new roll that's developing in my thigh. I want a guy that will devour every single inch and a non-FA *while some may* won't.

I don't think for one minute I'm limiting myself. Because I choose to be with a guy that will love me and enjoy me BECAUSE I'm fat and not because he chooses to ACCEPT my fat.

Are there success stories from non-FAs marrying fat girls. Of course, BigTallSue is one and very open about it. It can happen..but for this fat girl, I'm going to continue on my quest for an FA that loves me and my body.


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## Carrie (Sep 3, 2006)

Misty, words can't suffice for how much I want to praise this post of yours, but I'm going to try, anyway. Just....perfection. 

Thank you.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 3, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Misty, words can't suffice for how much I want to praise this post of yours, but I'm going to try, anyway. Just....perfection.
> 
> Thank you.


No Thank You! I mentioned that this was brought up in a debate. The debate took place in the chat room last night and I was amazed that I was in the minority. I'm glad that it's not such a small minority here.

Thanks Carrie and Tina


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## DebbieBBW (Sep 3, 2006)

I could not agree with you more girl. I find that men who say "oh I just like sexy women" tend to lose interest in me sexually faster than and FA does....and I don't like the feeling of him maybe looking at only certain parts of me ( my big butt gets attention from non FA's)....I like a man who loves every single inch of my bod and wants to kiss me from head to toe.

Not to mention that non FA's don't normally really want to date a BBW or SSBBW, maybe a thick girl, but not a woman my size. Have sex with me, yes anyday, but date...most of the time NO.


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## AnnMarie (Sep 3, 2006)

I've answered a few times, but of course can only find one in searching my pro-FA rantings.  

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=152355&highlight=true#post152355


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## superodalisque (Sep 3, 2006)

Hmmm, i go back and forth on this. I like to have the attention paid, but on the other hand my most loving relationships have not happened with FAs. That includes sexually. I find that if someone is really into ME the rest has come. If someone is really into my body it doesn't necessarily mean anything else that I need will happen. I am highly emotion driven and not afraid to admit it. In some weird way I sometimes think that even though I love being fat I use it to screen out people who are not really into ME. So being around a group of men in particular not subject to that screen has been interesting to say the least. I have only been dating FAs for 3 years. I haven't even dated that many. Not because of not being asked but because I haven't met a lot that I thought wanted what I did. so the jury is still out.


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## AnnMarie (Sep 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Of course I wouldn't blow him off. I would talk to him and yes actually go on a date with him. It would depend on how the date went if we were to see each other again.
> ...



Thank you for the whole post, saved me from finding all of my older ones - you rolled them all into one. Amen, sister. 

And for the moonvine question, I may not ask him straight out if he's an FA (not all men know the term) - but it would be CLEAR to me quickly if he is or not. If he's not, then he'd be gone fairly soon. 

Thankfully, I don't have to worry about this for the time being - got one.


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## HotBBWnKC (Sep 3, 2006)

Misty we had a portion of this conversation last night. I do not even think a good portion of men who dig big girls know what "FA" means. I personally dislike the idea of being labeled. Labels work great for the grocery store, they do a fine job at making buying clothes easier but when attached to people they seem to lose their true meaning and appeal. 

Humans are so different from the next that the concept of labeling each other boggels my mind. You love who you are, you are proud of the body you come in and you wish people not to judge you. Why judge another by catagorizing them in such a manner? 

Just remember that cute boy who you dont know yet, who might live in your new apartment complex may not be an FA. However, he might get to know you and be blown away by who you are inside and out!! So don't miss out on an opportunity to meet a man because your labeling system told you so...


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## Rosie (Sep 3, 2006)

I only date guys with no preference and who want me for WHO I am, not my body shape or size. I definitely do NOT want a guy fawning over my fat - ugh, the thought just makes me want to toss my cookies.


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## AnnMarie (Sep 3, 2006)

Rosie said:


> I only date guys with no preference and who want me for WHO I am, not my body shape or size. I definitely do NOT want a guy fawning over my fat - ugh, the thought just makes me want to toss my cookies.



Yes, you've made your total body dissatisfaction clear on many occasions, and I'm still sorry that you feel that way, and continue bring it here. I guess I wouldn't mind so much if you would at least be open to feeling different, but you seem dead set on body hatred. It's tiring.


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## AnnMarie (Sep 3, 2006)

HotBBWnKC said:


> Misty we had a portion of this conversation last night. I do not even think a good portion of men who dig big girls know what "FA" means. I personally dislike the idea of being labeled. Labels work great for the grocery store, they do a fine job at making buying clothes easier but when attached to people they seem to lose their true meaning and appeal.
> 
> Humans are so different from the next that the concept of labeling each other boggels my mind. You love who you are, you are proud of the body you come in and you wish people not to judge you. Why judge another by catagorizing them in such a manner?
> 
> Just remember that cute boy who you dont know yet, who might live in your new apartment complex may not be an FA. However, he might get to know you and be blown away by who you are inside and out!! So don't miss out on an opportunity to meet a man because your labeling system told you so...




I agree with you, but the label is more an internal thing. They don't have to know the term, but being with them will show you the substance of it. You will KNOW you're with an FA, whether they're down with the letters or not. So I totally agree, be open to anyone who's interested, but go with your gut on how they treat you - body, mind, and soul. You'll know if you're getting whatyou want from them, and if you prefer the FA treatment and they deliver, then the label they are comfy wearing matters not a bit.


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## HotBBWnKC (Sep 3, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> I agree with you, but the label is more an internal thing.



Exactly!!!! You should not judge another by picking and choosing due to a label. You see what is on the outside but you might miss what is on the inside because you chose to not get to know him more him when he tells you he is not an FA. Not all FA's like the really big girls, not all of them like the mid-sized girls ect. ect.... I have met many men and have dated many who were not FA's. I would of missed out on some really great relationships, interesting times and the love I received over time because I asked him if he usually dated big girls and said no, and I moved on.

If the labeling system really worked there would be more of a sub-FA labeling system and we would all be calculating which one fit our needs.... What a waste of time!!! Just be yourself, love yourself and be open to the world around you. Take the time you did not waste calculating his FAness and bake a cake or grill a thick steak and let me know how good it was...lol I am obviously hungry over here.....


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 3, 2006)

HotBBWnKC said:


> Misty we had a portion of this conversation last night. I do not even think a good portion of men who dig big girls know what "FA" means. I personally dislike the idea of being labeled. Labels work great for the grocery store, they do a fine job at making buying clothes easier but when attached to people they seem to lose their true meaning and appeal.
> 
> Humans are so different from the next that the concept of labeling each other boggels my mind. You love who you are, you are proud of the body you come in and you wish people not to judge you. Why judge another by catagorizing them in such a manner?
> 
> Just remember that cute boy who you dont know yet, who might live in your new apartment complex may not be an FA. However, he might get to know you and be blown away by who you are inside and out!! So don't miss out on an opportunity to meet a man because your labeling system told you so...


Yes Mam..lol I remember our conversation. It's not so much the label as it is the ACTIONS that go with the label.

There are certain actions that an FA does that other guys do not. Tina, Carrie and I have touched on a few of them. That's what I mean when I say I want an FA. I want a man that is completely and totally understanding and open to the trials and tribulations of dating a fat girl. The label just sometimes makes it easier to identify said person.

And..that cute boy you mention who may not be an FA that is totally into me. May balk at introducing me to friends and parents and having me totally in his life because he can't handle the pressure of what may happen if they were to find out he was digging on a fat chick.

I see where you're coming from..I DO..but I gotta look out for what's best for me. I have always been open to most people within reason..I would never blow someone off..but I've been on the flip side..where a guy didn't dig my body..or when I never met any of his friends..that's no fun and I won't go back.


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## NFA (Sep 3, 2006)

lemmink said:


> I avoid people who have a sexual preference for my "type", personally, but that's because I'd prefer to have someone interested in me for my personality, rather than for my body/looks. That said, I should add that it's nice to be with a guy who loves tummies, and is perfectly okay with me playing with his.



I really don't get the interest in actively wanting a mate to not be attracted to you physically. The point has been made already, but it absolutely deserves repeating. Dating an FA does NOT mean you are dating someone who is only into your body. It means you are dating someone who is ALSO into your body. I don't get what's so noble about dating a person in spite of their physical appearance. How is that so different from dating someone because of the way they look? Either approach chooses to look at their prospective mate as a kind of buffet where they can pick and choose what they like and discard the rest. No thanks. I don't want to date a woman who wouldn't want to date an FA, so it works out well. I want to express my physical attraction as well as my emotional attraction. If one isn't desired, then I'd never feel like I could really desire all of her. No matter the excuse, its not something I'd want. If its because they hate their bodies and hate the idea of someone being attracted to it, obviously that's not compatable with me. But even if its part of this notion of trying to seperate their body from their identity. I don't think that works. Your body is part of who you are. You can spend your time hating it and wishing it weren't so, viewing your body as an "other" as an opposition force. Or you can accept it as part of yourself and open it up to the world. Being with an FA is not about being objectified. Not being with a good FA anyhow.

What's more, there is nothing to fear from labels. I'm an FA. Its not all that I am, but its part of who I am. All a label does is describe part of who I am. Its shorthand to communicate part of myself. No different than any other labels that no one ever freaks out about. The label is nothing. Its just part of who I am. A label is just a way of communicating that. That's all. If a "label" is apt, its nothing I'd ever be wary of.


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## lemmink (Sep 3, 2006)

I actually don't know that many FAs who are completely out of the closet. Some may also be dealing with a fair amount of issues that have to do with being FAs. Being an FA really does not necessarily mean that you've got the personal strength to tell people to feck off when they come out with their comments, or hold onto a relationship in the face of serious adversity from 'friends' and family. 

I had a few personal examples that I wanted to use to illustrate my own acts of FFA stupidity, but even just thinking back on that long list of failed and secreted relationships is completely depressing and makes me want to slap myself.

Gahhh. :doh:


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## Brenda (Sep 3, 2006)

I am a bit torn on this subject. I have in a relationship coming on five years with a man who has dated mostly large woman but is not 'fat crazy". He definiitely is attracted to large woman but the focus is not on the "fat" but me as a person. Prior dating experience with fa's I found they were more focused on how they loved fat and how they wanted to experience fat than being intuned to what brought me pleasure. The idea of getting weighed as foreplay really didn't get my engine going.


I also think that fa's are far fewer than fat woman in this society and it might be prudant to keep your options open. You might be surprised that a man could love ALL of you, even if he is not an fa.

Brenda


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## Tina (Sep 3, 2006)

Nope. And we are not obligated to give a guy a chance just because he is interested if we are not. It's bad enough that fat women have the reputation for "taking whomever we get, because we are desperate," without living up to it. I think we should be able to choose who attracts us as much as any thin woman, or man (fat or thin), can choose who attracts them. I will never dismiss a guy out of hand just because he is not an avowed FA. But it's not hard to tell the difference between the two, and given a preference, I prefer the admirer. 

Bren: weighing as part of foreplay??? Never experienced that one.


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## fatgirlflyin (Sep 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I wasn't sure where to post this..and I think it's been discussed before but I couldn't find it at all.
> 
> A friend and I got in a debate tonight about the term FA and the fact that I choose to only date FAs.
> 
> ...




There is much more to admire about me than just my fat. 

I always preferred and am currently with someone who likes women of all shapes and sizes.


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## Carrie (Sep 3, 2006)

Very, very well said, NFA, thank you. And I agree re. the label issue - I'm not sure how the label of "fat admirer" is any different from the label of "fat girl", for instance. It's part of who I am, not all that I am, so I don't mind the label a bit. Glad you feel the same way about "FA", 'cause it's easier than saying "man who happens to find fat women attractive, and it's a preference, not a fetish".


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 3, 2006)

Ella Bella said:


> There is much more to admire about me than just my fat.
> 
> I always preferred and am currently with someone who likes women of all shapes and sizes.


Well I'm not a one dimensional female..but as I've stated..I am a fat woman..being fat is part of who I am..a big part actually because every conscious thought is centered around what I can't and can't do and to what extreme etc.

I have many dimensions. Again..it's always someone's choice to be with a non FA..but my choice is man that will love ME and my fat.

What really makes me sad..and it's totally confusing to me is this idea from a lot of women on this board and in the chat rooms, is that these women feel that FAs are some fetish MONSTERS who only want to stare or play with their fat all day.

These guys aren't freaks and aren't unlike any other guy. They want a normal relationship. They want a woman that has a compaitable personality. They don't want a woman they can put in a case on a wall and go.."OHH she's so fat I could just stare and touch her all day."

Now..my new question...where the hell did this mind set come from? Why is it so bad to have a man that appreciates your size? Are women who aren't yet 100% comfortable with their bodies AFRAID of dating an fa because they don't want someone fawning over something they don't like themselves?

Should this be a new thread? LOL


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## Brenda (Sep 3, 2006)

""Now..my new question...where the hell did this mind set come from? Why is it so bad to have a man that appreciates your size? Are women who aren't yet 100% comfortable with their bodies AFRAID of dating an fa because they don't want someone fawning over something they don't like themselves?""


Read the Weight Board lately?


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## HotBBWnKC (Sep 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Yes Mam..lol I remember our conversation. It's not so much the label as it is the ACTIONS that go with the label.
> 
> There are certain actions that an FA does that other guys do not. Tina, Carrie and I have touched on a few of them. That's what I mean when I say I want an FA. I want a man that is completely and totally understanding and open to the trials and tribulations of dating a fat girl. The label just sometimes makes it easier to identify said person.
> 
> ...



I think most of us big girls and probably big guys have been in that situation where boyfriends or girlfriends have issues introducing us to their friends and family. Who is to say that if a lover or someone one of us ends up dating will or will not have this issue even if they are or are not and FA?

I believe this board has had a lot to say about that, as I have read where guys have posted their issues with introducing their big girl girlfriends to their friends and family and how to deal with the teasing they have or believe they will receive about it (so some pledged FA's do have issues with it to some degree). Begin a FA has nothing to do with how someone feels or reacts to stress or embarassment that might come from ridicule or criticism, that is being human.

I also do not see the connection with how a guy who finds you attractive inside and out, who is not an "FA", would find your stomach for example to not be a turn on??? You find out about what your preferences are by being introduced to them, seeing them, exploring them and trial and error. I would have not know that I liked chocolate cake unless I tried it :eat1: and from experience I know that not just because my friends like broccoli that I will because well I just don't....

I just hate to see any of the beautiful single gals including yourself on this board fear the idea of getting to know a guy because he is not an FA (because he might not know the ropes). We already have a limited pool of eligible men, it would be sad to reduce it further by just wanting to date men who have already set preferences about if they like big stomachs or big arms, if they really understand how hard it is to go out to eat because of seating, getting in small cars... I could go on and on.... 

None of this is innate, even the newbie FA's and possibly some of the more seasoned FA's do not understand every aspect of being big or what big girls for this example go through. It is a learning process for both partners.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 3, 2006)

Brenda said:


> ""Now..my new question...where the hell did this mind set come from? Why is it so bad to have a man that appreciates your size? Are women who aren't yet 100% comfortable with their bodies AFRAID of dating an fa because they don't want someone fawning over something they don't like themselves?""
> 
> 
> Read the Weight Board lately?


There is a HUGE difference between an FA and a feeder or anyone else that wants you to gain weight.


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## fatgirlflyin (Sep 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Well I'm not a one dimensional female..but as I've stated..I am a fat woman..being fat is part of who I am..a big part actually because every conscious thought is centered around what I can't and can't do and to what extreme etc.
> 
> I have many dimensions. Again..it's always someone's choice to be with a non FA..but my choice is man that will love ME and my fat.
> 
> ...



Ok I was just trying to be funny with the whole more to admire about me than my fat, so sorry if I offended. Didn't mean to imply you were one dimensional. 

I'm 100% comfortable with my body and not afraid to date an FA. In fact I've dated several and they were no different than any other man I've dated except that they only like fat women. Maybe my preference comes from the fact that I too like women (all shapes, all sizes) and I want the man I'm with to be attracted to the same type of women I dunno?


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 3, 2006)

HotBBWnKC said:


> I also do not see the connection with how a guy who finds you attractive inside and out, who is not an "FA", would find your stomach for example to not be a turn on??? You find out about what your preferences are by being introduced to them, seeing them, exploring them and trial and error. I would have not know that I liked chocolate cake unless I tried it :eat1: and from experience I know that not just because my friends like broccoli that I will because well I just don't....



This is my experience with guys and I think several other girls have mentioned it as well. Not to get into my "numbers" lol..but I have been with 2 fas and several who weren't. The only guys who paid attention to my ENTIRE body were the FAs. They devoured every inch..not just the main attractions. I agree that some men can begin to be attracted to big girls..it can be a developed preference..but I still would have a hard time being with him if he wasn't completely and totally into all of me. 



HotBBWnKC said:


> I just hate to see any of the beautiful single gals including yourself on this board fear the idea of getting to know a guy because he is not an FA (because he might not know the ropes). We already have a limited pool of eligible men, it would be sad to reduce it further by just wanting to date men who have already set preferences about if they like big stomachs or big arms, if they really understand how hard it is to go out to eat because of seating, getting in small cars... I could go on and on....
> 
> None of this is innate, even the newbie FA's and possibly some of the more seasoned FA's do not understand every aspect of being big or what big girls for this example go through. It is a learning process for both partners.


There's no fear involved for me. I don't fear guys with no preference..I just don't prefer them..lol

I'm not really sure I can say anything else that I haven't said already. I can see your points..and I agree with some of them..but I still want a guy that's into fat chicks..with or without the label.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 3, 2006)

Ella Bella said:


> Ok I was just trying to be funny with the whole more to admire about me than my fat, so sorry if I offended. Didn't mean to imply you were one dimensional.
> 
> I'm 100% comfortable with my body and not afraid to date an FA. In fact I've dated several and they were no different than any other man I've dated except that they only like fat women. Maybe my preference comes from the fact that I too like women (all shapes, all sizes) and I want the man I'm with to be attracted to the same type of women I dunno?


No offense taken..and I hope my next comment doesn't cause offense..but here goes.

I think..the ssbbws of the group..have more issues with their size than someone smaller.

I'm not saying we have it any harder..I'm saying our experiences are sometimes completely different. I didn't see many midsized bbws on scooters in Vegas. There's just a different set of experiences that us super sized gals have to deal with and I think that's where the fitting into our world idea is from.

It's a night and day difference for me..and may not be for everyone that's dating both fas and non fas..but for me..the difference was great enough to make me want to stick to dating FAs.


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## Brenda (Sep 3, 2006)

Sure there is a difference but reading things like the Weight board is what gives women the negative association. Also,if you go to bbw events there are so many women and so few men that the guys many times turn into 'wanna be casanovas". Surely you have seen enough behavior by fa's in chat to plant a few seeds of doubt in your own mind.

I agree there are many fantastic man who adore fat woman. I am with a wonderful man that fits that description. 

Brenda


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 3, 2006)

Brenda said:


> Sure there is a difference but reading things like the Weight board is what gives women the negative association. Also,if you go to bbw events there are so many women and so few men that the guys many times turn into 'wanna be casanovas". Surely you have seen enough behavior by fa's in chat to plant a few seeds of doubt in your own mind.
> 
> I agree there are many fantastic man who adore fat woman. I am with a wonderful man that fits that description.
> 
> Brenda


A few bad apples always spoils the bunch for everyone. Trust me, there are some really bad dudes in chat..I've been chatting 5 years and KNOW that there are some really, great sincere guys who get overlooked because of the assholes and bastards.

There will always be jerks..but there will also always be the good ones who really deserve a chance.


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## fatgirlflyin (Sep 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> No offense taken..and I hope my next comment doesn't cause offense..but here goes.
> 
> I think..the ssbbws of the group..have more issues with their size than someone smaller.
> 
> ...



I think there is probably a lot of truth to that statement and good for you for putting it out there if that's what you believe. 

I have to say the whole midsized vs. supersized thing gets me though, what determines where one ends and the other begins? Labels I tell ya...


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## fatgirlflyin (Sep 3, 2006)

Brenda said:


> Sure there is a difference but reading things like the Weight board is what gives women the negative association. Also,if you go to bbw events there are so many women and so few men that the guys many times turn into 'wanna be casanovas". Surely you have seen enough behavior by fa's in chat to plant a few seeds of doubt in your own mind.
> 
> I agree there are many fantastic man who adore fat woman. I am with a wonderful man that fits that description.
> 
> Brenda



That depends totally on what BBW event you go to. The one that I attend regularly has nearly a 50/50 split.


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## HotBBWnKC (Sep 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> There's no fear involved for me. I don't fear guys with no preference..I just don't prefer them..lol
> 
> I'm not really sure I can say anything else that I haven't said already. I can see your points..and I agree with some of them..but I still want a guy that's into fat chicks..with or without the label.



OK I have to admit that is one of the best lines I have read in a long time "_I don't fear guys with no preference..I just don't prefer them_"  

To each their own, just remember when you whine to me as I whine to you about boys that you are missing out on part of the population woman!!! :doh:


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## superodalisque (Sep 3, 2006)

I Agree with Misty, that I want a man to love my body. I love to have my body adored touched and caressed. . That is why I can be such a show off sometimes. However I understand that that adoration of my body doesn't necessarily translate into anything else. 

Also I don't think men who are not FAs tend necessarily to buckle under the pressure of society for dating a fat woman. If he does that, that is not a man anyway--it is a boy. I'm a big girl and like most of you I don't have time to waste on lil boys either. I know exactly where you are coming from. 

There are too many people who call themselves FAs I guess who might be better defined as fetishist. Or some of them could just be called immature. No matter how you slice it a guy who goes blindly for body parts is a few cards short. A woman who gives him too much of her time is wasting it and likely to be highly disappointed--many times even if she is only looking for a good night of sex. 

If a guy spends too much time on a fantasy life he has no room for a real woman. He can never appreciate her. He can't really see her. He will continue to look past her toward the artificial perfection he has built up in his mind. 

In some ways this exposure to FAs has helped me to relate better to other women. I even understand what it might be like to be a super model. Think of how it must be to never be sure if someone cares for you for yourself. How can a woman feel secure if she thinks that if she loses weight for whatever reason--illness etc.. that her man will lose his desire for her. That is kind of sad and that is not love at all. Its something else. Its conveniece and desire but definitely not love. If there is not something affectionate happening between the two of you inside the biggest boobs belly booty or thighs in the world can't keep the two of you together in any case. And in some ways men and women can confuse the the two. I think of all the times when i have heard the ladies relate their experiences. They are very disappointed because someone voices their desire and doesn't follow through. Sometimes we make a mistake. We think because someone finds us "hot" that they feel something personal for us. Often that is not the case. Someone who feels something for us feels it not because of the nature of their label but because of the nature of their heart. It is someone who is capable of feelings on all levels and not just one.


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## lemmink (Sep 3, 2006)

NFA said:


> I really don't get the interest in actively wanting a mate to not be attracted to you physically. The point has been made already, but it absolutely deserves repeating. Dating an FA does NOT mean you are dating someone who is only into your body. It means you are dating someone who is ALSO into your body.



Oh gracious, I'm being quoted again! I think I really need to clarify. I'm actually not referring to FAs at all with that comment, just stating that I, personally, do not want to date someone who is into me physically from the get-go. That's just how I pick the people I want to date. And there are a multitude of reasons for that, absolutely none of which have to do with whether or not I'm confident in my body. 

That said, I'm glad I posted it, because it's brought up so many interesting points!


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Sep 4, 2006)

We live in a sick society. This society uses social pressure from family and friends, advertisements, and the medical establishment to promote the idea that all women should be thin as sticks. UGH! There are a lot of BBWs who do buy into this and more than a few of them hate their bodies. I do not think a relationship can work if the woman hates her body and the man loves it. 

If a BBW only wishes to only date FAs, so be it. This preference is no different than people who prefer to date only within their cultural or religious group. 

I would prefer to date someone who likes herself as she is and likes it that I like her as she is. 




MisticalMisty said:


> Well I'm not a one dimensional female..but as I've stated..I am a fat woman..being fat is part of who I am..a big part actually because every conscious thought is centered around what I can't and can't do and to what extreme etc.
> 
> I have many dimensions. Again..it's always someone's choice to be with a non FA..but my choice is man that will love ME and my fat.
> 
> ...


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## ChickletsBBW (Sep 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I need a man that understands that it's not always easy to date a fat girl. He needs to be willing to make accomodations and sometimes sacrifices.COLOR]





I'll 2nd this comment for sure. !! 
I know my boyfriend has put up with his friends feelings about him dating me and his new co-workers not liking even slightly plump women.
He has certainly gone out of his way at times to make accomodations and or helping me with things that I cant do or would not be able to do easily.

I wouldn't consider my boyfriend as an FA although he absolutly prefers the curvy figure over the thin figure. Do I think he'd ever leave me for a 'thin' girl.. not a chance.. other reasons could be a possibility but I don't think he'd ever "go back" as it may be to date a thin woman.

I don't think I've ever dated a 'true FA' 

I'm kind of like my boyfriend as in being an 'equal opportunist' because I've dated guys of all sizes and he has dated girls of all sizes. 

Even I can admire a thin woman for something I find attractive and/or beautiful about her. This is why I like to look and admire each woman for her own and unique qualities/shapes. This goes for men too.. each has their own good qualities/shapes etc 

ok, it's 3am, i'm going to bed lol


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## wrench13 (Sep 4, 2006)

superodalisque said:


> I Agree with Misty, that I want a man to love my body. I love to have my body adored touched and caressed. . That is why I can be such a show off sometimes. However I understand that that adoration of my body doesn't necessarily translate into anything else.
> 
> Also I don't think men who are not FAs tend necessarily to buckle under the pressure of society for dating a fat woman. If he does that, that is not a man anyway--it is a boy. I'm a big girl and like most of you I don't have time to waste on lil boys either. I know exactly where you are coming from.
> 
> ...



If you don't love the person within, then all the curves in the world won't matter after awhile. Supero, u have one fine mind!


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## dragorat (Sep 4, 2006)

*OK...after reading the posts & having time to think,I'll put in my 2 cents.1st off,I was born into a family packed with BBW.At 1 time or another all the older women in my family have been plussized.I was taught to admire not only the body but the person.I wouldn't actually call myself an FA because I do find beauty in all sizes.I just find more in a lady with bountiful curves.Any woman who doesn't fit "society's view" of size can attract my attention.Quite a few of you ladies here know me from chat.Those of you I've had the pleasure of talking to privately know I like to get to know a lady inside & out.However you also know I don't ask physical questions right off the bat.I get to know you before I ask things like that.Even then I tell you if you'd prefer NOT to say,that it won't change my opinion of you.Misty I have found you to be a lovely vibrant lady both inside & out.That also goes for any of the other lovelies here I've had the pleasure of conversing with.Now as far as how I'd treat you lovelies in person.I would be the same as I am in chat.Yes your appearance may spark my attention in the beginning but then if I got to talk to you I'd try to learn what I could about your likes/dislikes & things like that.If we got to the next stage,I'd show you that you were more than an butt or a pair of boobs.I love the WHOLE woman....:smitten: So don't let labels stop you from exploring all possibilities.just watch & find what makes you happy.then GO FOR IT!:wubu: to all. *


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## babyjeep21 (Sep 4, 2006)

I always think its interesting when this topic comes up. I love finding out what everyone has to say. I dont participate too often on the boards (I normally just read), but this is one that I decided to hop in on. 

Ive been quite lucky as far as dating goes, regardless of my size. I havent really faced any hardship in finding dates. However, Im not sure about the whole FA thing. I dont like labels, but in society it seems that we have to find a place for everything and really it is just about understanding someones preference. I have honestly never had a serious relationship or dated an FA, so I have no way to answer this question. Im told that there is an enormous difference between a man who specifically likes bigger women and a man who just likes all kinds of women, but this is something that I have yet to experience. Because of this, I clearly cannot limit myself to only the attention provided by an FA. Ive had absolutely fantastic experiences dating men who are simply into me And I must say that my last serious relationship was with a man whose previous relationship existed with a girl who was only a size 2. Im sure that going from her size to my size was quite a shock for him, but he had absolutely no problem loving me or every inch of my body.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Sep 4, 2006)

There are just so many great posts in here. Wonderful thread, Misty.

It sort of disturbs me to think that sexuality is thought to run counter to intellectual appreciation of someone. If I'm not sexually attracted to someone, there's nothing about their personality that can make them "pseudo-beautiful" enough where I want to have a relationship with them. Those people are friends, just friends. Doesn't mean I don't think the person I'm nailing is brilliant, but if he had rotten teeth and never wiped his ass and had a face full of dripping, infected blackheads and had tentacles for arms, I'd be on the next thing smoking out of sunny California. (Really, I don't think I'd be friends with someone like described above. Mean, huh?) 

And let's face it: It's not particularly fun or satisfying to have someone hanging from your breasts like their life depends on it because they're afraid to touch *gasp* fat. 

As far as ONLY dating FAs though, I think it's important to remember that a preference is just a preference. I like cookies and cream ice cream, but I like a lot of flavors. If I went strictly by preferences, I'm a lesbian. I'm not a lesbian. My ideal partner is an Asian woman, but there are a lot of factors that make me attracted to a lot of different things. I'm more likely to clap my hands at the prospect of banging Lucy Liu, but I mean, there are lots of sexually attractive people in the world who aren't Asian women, and I'm willing to take one for the team. I think Ryan's groovy, and I'm almost positive he's not an Asian woman. He prefers brown eyes. Doesn't mean he's going to ditch me for being blue-eyed. 

I definately understand the need to date someone who is openly attracted to your body type. I need that myself. Just remember that a preference is just that, and someone's dating past doesn't mean you should refuse them.


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## moonvine (Sep 4, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> There are just so many great posts in here. Wonderful thread, Misty.
> 
> It sort of disturbs me to think that sexuality is thought to run counter to intellectual appreciation of someone. If I'm not sexually attracted to someone, there's nothing about their personality that can make them "pseudo-beautiful" enough where I want to have a relationship with them. Those people are friends, just friends. Doesn't mean I don't think the person I'm nailing is brilliant, but if he had rotten teeth and never wiped his ass and had a face full of dripping, infected blackheads and had tentacles for arms, I'd be on the next thing smoking out of sunny California. (Really, I don't think I'd be friends with someone like described above. Mean, huh?)
> 
> ...



Hey TSL,

Great post as always. 

There is a psychological theory that holds (and as with anything else, it doesn't hold true for 100% of people 100% of the time) that if you meet a person and form a neutral or better first impression of them, repeated exposure to that person will improve your opinion of them. Not necessarily to where a romantic relationship would form, but possibly. I had a guy who lived in the apartment downstairs for several years one day decide he was attracted to me. Well, I am sure the attraction formed over time, but I had no idea until the day he told me. And I KNOW he did not initially like fat chicks as the girl he was living with was average and he was constantly complaining about her size. 

(Unfortunately if the initial impression is negative, as it likely would be in your example, repeated exposure does not have the same effect and may have the opposite effect).


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> There are just so many great posts in here. Wonderful thread, Misty.
> 
> It sort of disturbs me to think that sexuality is thought to run counter to intellectual appreciation of someone. If I'm not sexually attracted to someone, there's nothing about their personality that can make them "pseudo-beautiful" enough where I want to have a relationship with them. Those people are friends, just friends. Doesn't mean I don't think the person I'm nailing is brilliant, but if he had rotten teeth and never wiped his ass and had a face full of dripping, infected blackheads and had tentacles for arms, I'd be on the next thing smoking out of sunny California. (Really, I don't think I'd be friends with someone like described above. Mean, huh?)
> 
> ...


Here's my next question..I'm so full of them..is being an FA just a preference? 

I tend to think of preferences along the lines of hair and eye color etc. I have a weird way of thinking I guess.

Like I said..I've never dismissed anyone for not being an FA..but if it's going to be longterm..I would think that I would be more compaitable with someone that was #1 totally aware of my needs as a fat girl and #2 totally and completely in love with me and my body.


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## superodalisque (Sep 4, 2006)

And let's face it: It's not particularly fun or satisfying to have someone hanging from your breasts like their life depends on it because they're afraid to touch *gasp* fat

lol, i loved that imagery. but, seriously though. i have dated a lot of non FAs. that is men who don't define themselves as fat admirers. but this quote helped me to realized what might be an underlying assumption here. this assumption is that guys who are non FAs find us big girls unattractive and even a bit frightening or overwhelming and FAs do not. i don't think thats always true. i have been with men who had never touched a fat girl before that had absolutely no trouble with it once they got the lay of the land--which is no different from what would happen with an FA who had never touched an ssbbw before. actually the best experience i've had to date was with another artist who had never even thought of a fat woman that way before. not because he had any block against it but because it just hadn't been on his menu before. i showed him everything and he delighted in the discovery. so, FAs are not the only ones to appreciate hidden treasures. you have to show that, and be proud of that, and claim that yourself before other people will. 

on the other hand i have been with FAs who haven't touched a fat girl before or very few or ones smaller than me and they seemed to be even more intimidated. to be fair it was probably because they had felt pent up for a very long time. also they were amazed that they had finally found someone who didn't diet, kept the lights on and really let him look and liked that. a lot of it depends on us women you know.


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## Rosie (Sep 4, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> Yes, you've made your total body dissatisfaction clear on many occasions, and I'm still sorry that you feel that way, and continue bring it here. I guess I wouldn't mind so much if you would at least be open to feeling different, but you seem dead set on body hatred. It's tiring.




And seeing new threads with the same topic gets tiring too, however I don't complain about it. Don't like my posts? Don't read them. Too easy.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

Rosie said:


> And seeing new threads with the same topic gets tiring too, however I don't complain about it. Don't like my posts? Don't read them. Too easy.


We discuss topics that effect us as fat people..

Take your own advice..don't like the thread..don't read and post in it.


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## saucywench (Sep 4, 2006)

Well said.

It just occurred to me that part of the ambivalence, for lack of a better word, over this issue _might_ be related to whether or not one has had real-life, concrete experience. I liken it to someone _believing_ they have been in love, or _believing_ they have experienced an orgasm, when in reality they may discover they were previously wrong, once they hit upon the real thing.

Having said that, I can also say that I have yet to be privy to the complete FA experience. Hell, I could even go so far as to say that I might possibly have never been in love, if the act of being "in love" demands that both parties display an equal investment of emotion and effort. I have loved intensely, and been loved in return, but never (from my idealized viewpoint) to an equal degree--same as with encountering that elusive _bona fide_ FA. And, to make things even more difficult, as a result of discovering this subculture many years ago, my criteria are now even _more _narrowly defined--I want both. I want to fall in love _with_ a true FA, whereas before I would have been content simply being in love with a (non-FA) man. What is the difference? The difference is taking a standard concept, i.e., love, and amping it up several notches. While a man who is not an FA could conceivably love his BBW partner and, by extension, her body, that is not the same as having an FA lover who would not only love that body but absolutely revel in it. I _know_ that there are nuances to an FA's affections that go far beyond that of an ordinary male, and these nuances are peculiar to our subculture alone. And, although I have yet to experience what I'm talking about (same as with being in love), I know it exists. As long as I am fat, which I never envision being otherwise, and thus by default part of this subculture, I will never stop wanting the best that_ this_ particular life has to offer. Why should I?



NFA said:


> I really don't get the interest in actively wanting a mate to not be attracted to you physically. The point has been made already, but it absolutely deserves repeating. Dating an FA does NOT mean you are dating someone who is only into your body. It means you are dating someone who is ALSO into your body. I don't get what's so noble about dating a person in spite of their physical appearance. How is that so different from dating someone because of the way they look? Either approach chooses to look at their prospective mate as a kind of buffet where they can pick and choose what they like and discard the rest. No thanks. I don't want to date a woman who wouldn't want to date an FA, so it works out well. I want to express my physical attraction as well as my emotional attraction. If one isn't desired, then I'd never feel like I could really desire all of her. No matter the excuse, its not something I'd want. If its because they hate their bodies and hate the idea of someone being attracted to it, obviously that's not compatable with me. But even if its part of this notion of trying to seperate their body from their identity. I don't think that works. Your body is part of who you are. You can spend your time hating it and wishing it weren't so, viewing your body as an "other" as an opposition force. Or you can accept it as part of yourself and open it up to the world. Being with an FA is not about being objectified. Not being with a good FA anyhow.
> 
> What's more, there is nothing to fear from labels. I'm an FA. Its not all that I am, but its part of who I am. All a label does is describe part of who I am. Its shorthand to communicate part of myself. No different than any other labels that no one ever freaks out about. The label is nothing. Its just part of who I am. A label is just a way of communicating that. That's all. If a "label" is apt, its nothing I'd ever be wary of.


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## saucywench (Sep 4, 2006)

Misty, after reading some of these responses (and I'm not even finished) I went to find you in chat, only to learn that you are napping.

Wake the hell up!  

I repped you for--well, you know what for --but, as I told chat, every one of your responses has been repworthy, as well as those of many others.

Great thread!


MisticalMisty said:


> Well I'm not a one dimensional female..but as I've stated..I am a fat woman..being fat is part of who I am..a big part actually because every conscious thought is centered around what I can't and can't do and to what extreme etc.
> 
> I have many dimensions. Again..it's always someone's choice to be with a non FA..but my choice is man that will love ME and my fat.
> 
> ...


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 4, 2006)

I will say it was an FA who I dated who made me realize how beautiful I was when I was disgusted by how I looked because I was always thin & never had a problem getting men but being fat well there arent to many men who like a fat girl at least I dont meet that many where I live even thou I am still beautiful as before just more to love..... this FA was the first to touch my belly & at first I didnt like it I was insecure but the more I got to know him the more I wanted him to touch it & the more it turned me on when he did...... I would make it jiggle & enjoyed doing it & I love that I love having someone like Me & adore my fat that when he looks at me he thinks Im am as sexxy as I think I am....

but hey FA, BBW admirer whatever he is or not called if he likes me he so has to like my belly cause I like it rubbed especially when full


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

Thanks! Like I said this started in chat Friday night I believe. It was actually between me an a guy in the room. He didn't want the label because he likes all women and that's when I mentioned I don't want a man that likes all women..and thus it all started.

I still wonder if a woman doesn't want to date a FA because she has her own body issues.

I wish some of the guys would speak up. I'd love to hear their opinions. I just hope they haven't been run off because they are reading fat women say they don't want to date FAs.

Good gravy. 


saucywench said:


> Misty, after reading some of these responses (and I'm not even finished) I went to find you in chat, only to learn that you are napping.
> 
> Wake the hell up!
> 
> ...


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## moonvine (Sep 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Thanks! Like I said this started in chat Friday night I believe. It was actually between me an a guy in the room. He didn't want the label because he likes all women and that's when I mentioned I don't want a man that likes all women..and thus it all started.
> 
> I still wonder if a woman doesn't want to date a FA because she has her own body issues.




I'm wondering if you aren't making it too black and white. It isn't an either or thing. I am happy to date an FA. I'm also happy to date a guy who likes all types of women. I'm also happy to date a guy who just likes me.

For God's sake, just one of yall ask me out...heh.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I'm wondering if you aren't making it too black and white. It isn't an either or thing. I am happy to date an FA. I'm also happy to date a guy who likes all types of women. I'm also happy to date a guy who just likes me.
> 
> For God's sake, just one of yall ask me out...heh.


Am I? I really don't know. There are some women that are stating that they would NEVER date an FA because they don't want someone that will love their fat. There are those saying that they may date an FA but they prefer guys with no preference.

I'm just trying to understand why they wouldn't want to date someone who was totally and completely into them..

I just don't think a non-FA can be into your body as much as an FA is and I wonder how many of the ladies that have posted here in opposition of FAs have actually been with one. A TRUE one. Not one that claims it but his actions speak otherwise.


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## moonvine (Sep 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Am I? I really don't know. There are some women that are stating that they would NEVER date an FA because they don't want someone that will love their fat. There are those saying that they may date an FA but they prefer guys with no preference.
> 
> I'm just trying to understand why they wouldn't want to date someone who was totally and completely into them..
> 
> I just don't think a non-FA can be into your body as much as an FA is and I wonder how many of the ladies that have posted here in opposition of FAs have actually been with one. A TRUE one. Not one that claims it but his actions speak otherwise.



Well, I think that anyone can be into your body. I have a preference for tall guys with dark hair and dark eyes, but that doesn't mean I can't be totally into a short blonde guy. But that is just my opinion.

I'd also think that any short blonde guys would never date me because they have heard I had a preference for dark-haired, dark-eyed, tall men.

Physical appearances are in the end not really very important, at least not to me. If you end up married to someone for a number of years, you are both likely to look a lot different than you started out, but hopefully your mind, sense of humor, etc will remain intact.

Many years ago now I had a relationship with a guy named Rodney. He had lived in the apartment below mine for several years. All of a sudden I found out he had been attracted to me for a while, even though he formerly liked thin women, and he was totally into my body, I can assure you. He also took me to his parents house (his mom loved me), took me out in public, etc etc. He died about 10 years ago now.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 4, 2006)

as I stated in my previous post I have dated a true FA he dates nothing but bigger women.... he is not a closet fa at all & is very well know for being an FA


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## HotBBWnKC (Sep 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Am I? I really don't know. There are some women that are stating that they would NEVER date an FA because they don't want someone that will love their fat. There are those saying that they may date an FA but they prefer guys with no preference.
> 
> I'm just trying to understand why they wouldn't want to date someone who was totally and completely into them..
> 
> I just don't think a non-FA can be into your body as much as an FA is and I wonder how many of the ladies that have posted here in opposition of FAs have actually been with one. A TRUE one. Not one that claims it but his actions speak otherwise.



Misty I have been with mostly non FA's and one true FA. Let me just say that the FA made me more comfy starting out cause I just knew that he was into me and my fat. However, I had great realtioships with all of them concerning my body!!

I think if a guy digs you he just digs you!! One major thing I know for a fact is that the non FA's are always amazed at how soft I am compared to a more average sized or thin gal and that gets them going!!


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Physical appearances are in the end not really very important, at least not to me. If you end up married to someone for a number of years, you are both likely to look a lot different than you started out, but hopefully your mind, sense of humor, etc will remain intact.


I still think that being an FA isn't really about a preference.

I've never met a true FA who said they only PREFERED big women but would date anyone of any size. They only date big girls. So can it still be considered a preference then..or an absolute lifestyle?


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

HotBBWnKC said:


> Misty I have been with mostly non FA's and one true FA. Let me just say that the FA made me more comfy starting out cause I just knew that he was into me and my fat. However, I had great realtioships with all of them concerning my body!!
> 
> I think if a guy digs you he just digs you!! One major thing I know for a fact is that the non FA's are always amazed at how soft I am compared to a more average sized or thin gal and that gets them going!!


Well maybe it's just me and handful of other ladies that have a complete night and day experience with FAs and non FAs. Not just a little difference NIGHT AND DAY.


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## moonvine (Sep 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I still think that being an FA isn't really about a preference.
> 
> I've never met a true FA who said they only PREFERED big women but would date anyone of any size. They only date big girls. So can it still be considered a preference then..or an absolute lifestyle?



Shrug. Personally, from the way you write here, I think you have a definition in your mind of what a "true FA" is and anyone who doesn't meet that definition will be rejected by you as not "being a true FA." 

I do think that if it is a lifestyle, women could rightly be worried. What if they get a wasting disease? Will the guy stick by their side or will he run off and find another fat woman, because he can ONLY be attracted to fat women and you aren't a fat woman anymore?


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Shrug. Personally, from the way you write here, I think you have a definition in your mind of what a "true FA" is and anyone who doesn't meet that definition will be rejected by you as not "being a true FA."
> 
> I do think that if it is a lifestyle, women could rightly be worried. What if they get a wasting disease? Will the guy stick by their side or will he run off and find another fat woman, because he can ONLY be attracted to fat women and you aren't a fat woman anymore?


You're right..I do have a defnition and it stems from my experiences with FAs not only dating but as friends as well.

We all have our own definitions that come from our own experiences with people..etc.

As far as the sticking around issue, I really think that depends on the guy. There are men who are with thin women that tuck tail and run when their partner gets sick..etc. I'm not a male, so I can't answer that.


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## HotBBWnKC (Sep 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Well maybe it's just me and handful of other ladies that have a complete night and day experience with FAs and non FAs. Not just a little difference NIGHT AND DAY.



This is really a great thread!! Everyone is different and everyone will have different experiences. You are rad and I just hope you always keep an open mind because that is how you will find what you are truly looking for in the end. 

Experiences are what you make of them, the bad ones are only bad if you find ways to tell yourself it was a bad experience and no good will come of it. That is how I personally try to defy emotional breakdown, by finding some good in everything I do or am involved in. Positive Self-Talk, replace the negative with the positive!!


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

HotBBWnKC said:


> This is really a great thread!! Everyone is different and everyone will have different experiences. You are rad and I just hope you always keep an open mind because that is how you will find what you are truly looking for in the end.
> 
> Experiences are what you make of them, the bad ones are only bad if you find ways to tell yourself it was a bad experience and no good will come of it. That is how I personally try to defy emotional breakdown, by finding some good in everything I do or am involved in. Positive Self-Talk, replace the negative with the positive!!


I know that's why I wanted to start the thread..to get everyone's opinions and experiences. It really, truly fascinates me!

You keep me in line chica and I love ya for it  Even though we disagree  Well..not about hot boys


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## moonvine (Sep 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> You're right..I do have a defnition and it stems from my experiences with FAs not only dating but as friends as well.
> 
> We all have our own definitions that come from our own experiences with people..etc.
> 
> As far as the sticking around issue, I really think that depends on the guy. There are men who are with thin women that tuck tail and run when their partner gets sick..etc. I'm not a male, so I can't answer that.




Sure, but you seem to be unwilling to even consider anything else. Like there is a "true FA" and even if you label yourself as an FA, but you don't do A, B and C, you aren't really a "true" FA. I just personally would not want to limit myself to that small handful of people who may happen to meet that definition - my dating opportunities are way too limited as it is - but that is just me.

As for the illness issue, it wasn't so much that hypothetically she was sick, it was that she is hypothetically now thin. It could be the same if she chose to diet, though in that case it would probably be short term weight loss. 

See, the advantage in my eyes of dating someone who likes all types of women is that he is as likely to like you as much thin as he does fat.


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## babyjeep21 (Sep 4, 2006)

I think that one thing that seems to be forgotten here is that each so-called FA has preferences. Perhaps they have a preference about how little or much they want a woman theyre interested in to weigh. One weight may not necessarily be enough for him, while another weight may be more than he is prepared to take on.

Do you think that those kinds of boundaries take away from them being a true FA? 

I wouldnt think so. Its just another one of those gray areas that were constantly trying to define. I guess sometimes I think we just have to be careful about how we define ourselves and the people were interested in. Society puts us into enough categories We dont really have to categorize ourselves further by making things more complicated than they have to be.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Sure, but you seem to be unwilling to even consider anything else. Like there is a "true FA" and even if you label yourself as an FA, but you don't do A, B and C, you aren't really a "true" FA. I just personally would not want to limit myself to that small handful of people who may happen to meet that definition - my dating opportunities are way too limited as it is - but that is just me.
> 
> As for the illness issue, it wasn't so much that hypothetically she was sick, it was that she is hypothetically now thin. It could be the same if she chose to diet, though in that case it would probably be short term weight loss.
> 
> See, the advantage in my eyes of dating someone who likes all types of women is that he is as likely to like you as much thin as he does fat.


The diet issue goes back to the whole own body issue. I have no desire to diet now and no desire to diet in the future because I'm happy with my body. Again, how the situation played out would definitely depend on the guy but I'm sure that most guys would want to do what's ever best for their lover. Would there still be a physical attraction..possibly..again..it depends on each individual situation. 

What's your definition of a true FA? My definition is a lot broader than you think. My issue has never been between an FA and a true fa..it's between between an FA and a non FA.


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## moonvine (Sep 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> What's your definition of a true FA? My definition is a lot broader than you think. My issue has never been between an FA and a true fa..it's between between an FA and a non FA.



I don't have a definition of a true FA. It isn't anything I have spent 5 minutes thinking about before in my life.

It just smacks of arguments I have heard for years in the BDSM community...a "true" sub wouldn't do such and so...a "true" dom is this and that...so if you don't x y and z you are not a "true" whatever. 

Personally, I will go on one date with anyone who asks, unless there is some huge and obvious red flag, just to see if there is any attraction there. Most often there isn't on one or both sides, but I have gotten some decent friends out of the deal.

But that's just how I roll.

And I refuse to diet because I don't wish to gain any more weight, but who knows what might happen 30 years from now. I don't.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I don't have a definition of a true FA. It isn't anything I have spent 5 minutes thinking about before in my life.
> 
> It just smacks of arguments I have heard for years in the BDSM community...a "true" sub wouldn't do such and so...a "true" dom is this and that...so if you don't x y and z you are not a "true" whatever.
> 
> ...


and I never said that I wouldn't go out with anyone that would ask. However, I know that for it to have any potential of being long term he'd have to be aware of my needs and the issues I face as a fat woman. Would I be willing to make him aware, of course. I just don't think there would be a chance of it being long term if he wasn't an FA.


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## babyjeep21 (Sep 4, 2006)

Okay.... I was just curious. Since you are a self proclaimed fat woman, dont you think that any man who did approach you and asked you out would be attracted to you and what we like to call an FA? So now Im starting to wonder about the relevancy of this entire conversation/debate.. LOL

Seriously That goes for any of us bigger girls who has a man approach us. Something is attracting him!


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## moonvine (Sep 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> and I never said that I wouldn't go out with anyone that would ask. However, I know that for it to have any potential of being long term he'd have to be aware of my needs and the issues I face as a fat woman. Would I be willing to make him aware, of course. I just don't think there would be a chance of it being long term if he wasn't an FA.



It just occurred to me that I have no idea if my ex self-identifies as an FA. It just never came up in our relationship. I will have to ask him next time I talk to him.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

babyjeep21 said:


> Okay.... I was just curious. Since you are a self proclaimed fat woman, dont you think that any man who did approach you and asked you out would be attracted to you and what we like to call an FA? So now Im starting to wonder about the relevancy of this entire conversation/debate.. LOL
> 
> Seriously That goes for any of us bigger girls who has a man approach us. Something is attracting him!


But it may not necessarily be my body that's attracting him. It could be my smile.it could be my laugh..or anything. It could be he thinks I am beautiful in the face *I hate that by the way..lol* It could be confidence..anything. So no, I don't think he would automatically be an FA.


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## babyjeep21 (Sep 4, 2006)

It definitely could be your confidence or your smile... but I don't think that our physical form slips by the men who look at us and notice us. And I know that for some of us (myself included) it is impossible to miss our curves/height/shape....Everything really!

I hate the face thing too... I can't tell you how many times I heard that growing up: "Oh, but you have such a pretty face!" Apparently it's so pretty that it helps hides my invisible body... Which happens to be 6' tall, full of curves, and covered with a full head of long blonde hair... I don't think my face is that blinding.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 4, 2006)

babyjeep21 said:


> It definitely could be your confidence or your smile... but I don't think that our physical form slips by the men who look at us and notice us. And I know that for some of us (myself included) it is impossible to miss our curves/height/shape....Everything really!


Well in all honesty..I've never been approached by a guy in public..besides the Vegas Bash. So I am not really qualified to answer this question. All the men I've met have been online. Maybe someday a guy will approach me in Walmart..if he does..I'll be sure to report back


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## moonvine (Sep 4, 2006)

babyjeep21 said:


> I hate the face thing too... I can't tell you how many times I heard that growing up: "Oh, but you have such a pretty face!" Apparently it's so pretty that it helps hides my invisible body... Which happens to be 6' tall, full of curves, and covered with a full head of long blonde hair... I don't think my face is that blinding.



Well, judging from you picture, it IS a very pretty face.

My favorite comeback to that remark is "Thank you! It goes with my pretty body!


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## moonvine (Sep 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Well in all honesty..I've never been approached by a guy in public..besides the Vegas Bash. So I am not really qualified to answer this question. All the men I've met have been online. Maybe someday a guy will approach me in Walmart..if he does..I'll be sure to report back




I had a guy follow me down the street begging for my phone number. I finally gave it to him, and he never called!

I was told that sometimes they are bored and want to see how many phone numbers they can get. It is like a game to them I guess?

I don't understand strange male behaviors.


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## babyjeep21 (Sep 4, 2006)

Well thanks...  But ya know, now that I think of it, most people who use the "but your face is so pretty" comment are women.

Rarely do you hear that kind of a thing come from men.


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## moonvine (Sep 4, 2006)

babyjeep21 said:


> Well thanks...  But ya know, now that I think of it, most people who use the "but your face is so pretty" comment are women.
> 
> Rarely do you hear that kind of a thing come from men.



Maybe they actually mean your face is pretty? It IS!


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Sep 4, 2006)

Misty, what exactly is a "true FA?" I've never heard of such. 



MisticalMisty said:


> I still think that being an FA isn't really about a preference.
> 
> I've never met a true FA who said they only PREFERED big women but would date anyone of any size. They only date big girls. So can it still be considered a preference then..or an absolute lifestyle?


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 4, 2006)

I say this....... each one of us will never fully agree to what the other says if 1 wants to date just fa's then great if one is open to dating men who perfer bigger women but date all types then great.....

I can understand why some would say they would date only fa's its because with today societies & why we are trying to make fat accepted is because people mock us, most men wouldnt give us a glance because we are fat... all you hear are about diets & how we should look, the stares we get from the skinny people so yes some do want to be with someone who understands & knows what we go thru & makes us feel sexy as hell.. yes a man can date all kinds & meet a big girl & he I likes you & that is great & I am happy for them if things work out we all know dating is hard to begin with... but I understand how some feel everyday I have to deal with people & my being fat so when someone cares for me as the person & adore every curve on me & I dont have to worry if Im eating too much in front of him as to what he is used to with other girls.. we all know most thin girls dont like to eat much or watch what they eat so I can see why they would date only fa's


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## babyjeep21 (Sep 4, 2006)

I have seen them play that game... Pretty cruel if you ask me. Some people are going to see it as a hassle, others are going to be delighted in someone taking interest in them. Even a few of my male friends have gone out on the prowl just for a few numbers... without the intention of ever calling them. They just like knowing that they are capable of getting a little attention.

Then again, I guess we could say that we see the same thing in our chatroom here. People collecting as many screennames and pictures as possible. Others dropping hints and information here and there in an attempt to receive just a little attention.


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## bigsexy920 (Sep 4, 2006)

I prefer to date BA's - Bernadette Admirers. They almost always are FA's. However I would date someone who has not labled himself an FA. I mean lets face it, if they are dating me or interested then most likley they are FA's. It dosen't really need a title.


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## babyjeep21 (Sep 4, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> the stares we get from the skinny people



I'm pretty sure they're just jealous of my boobs...


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## HotBBWnKC (Sep 4, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> the stares we get from the skinny people



They are envious because they are hungry...he hee


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Sep 4, 2006)

They're not happy because they see others who are.  




HotBBWnKC said:


> They are envious because they are hungry...he hee


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 4, 2006)

ps....I know there were some mistakes in my post I was rushing to get dressed for work so please excuse my mistakes


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## babyjeep21 (Sep 4, 2006)

Let's face it.... it is difficult to understand that other's can love and accept certain things about their own bodies that you can't learn to accept about yourself.


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## Tina (Sep 4, 2006)

babyjeep21 said:


> Well thanks...  But ya know, now that I think of it, most people who use the "but your face is so pretty" comment are women.
> 
> Rarely do you hear that kind of a thing come from men.



Once, a several years after high school, guy I knew from high school said to me, "Tina, you are pretty Iif you lost weight, I would ask you out." Too bad I was so shy then. I basically said nothing. Today, I would have an answer for him that would leave him feeling as if he had just been slapped. Hard.


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## babyjeep21 (Sep 4, 2006)

Oh My God! I don't blame you. God help the man who has the nerve to say such a thing to me. I've lucked out... No one has ever had the balls to say anything to me about my weight (other than family). I think they're all to afraid of me. I am big, bad and mean ya know!


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## lemmink (Sep 4, 2006)

Tina said:


> Once, a several years after high school, guy I knew from high school said to me, "Tina, you are pretty Iif you lost weight, I would ask you out." Too bad I was so shy then. I basically said nothing. Today, I would have an answer for him that would leave him feeling as if he had just been slapped. Hard.



Why not do the twofer? Give an answer that would leave him feeling like he'd just been slapped hard. And THEN slap him hard.


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## Tina (Sep 5, 2006)

Lemmink, I'm not big into physical violence. And really, I far more enjoy a well-deserved scathing remark -- one that has the recipient thinking about it later -- than something like a slap, which can be more easily forgotten, IMO.


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## NFA (Sep 5, 2006)

moonvine said:


> As for the illness issue, it wasn't so much that hypothetically she was sick, it was that she is hypothetically now thin. It could be the same if she chose to diet, though in that case it would probably be short term weight loss.
> 
> See, the advantage in my eyes of dating someone who likes all types of women is that he is as likely to like you as much thin as he does fat.



Which might not be much in either instance. Or worse yet, maybe he really does prefer one over the other but declines to admit as much. Lets say you get sick and lose weight temporarily. Getting sick may induce weight loss, but its no weight loss plan. When you get better, your weight will stabalize. Happened to me. I lost 60lbs and was genuinely thin when the illness passed. My girlfriend at the time claimed to have no physical preference, but that plainly wasn't true when I lost weight. After regaining the weight, it was hard to forget how excited she was that I lost weight.

Dieting is just as likely to be temporary. Indeed, dieting is likely to result in weight gain. If as an FA, all I cared about was the physical, I'd be thrilled by dieting. Just have to ride it out and then I've got a 90% chance of having a fatter girlfriend. But its not just about the physical for me. I'm not concerned about having a fat girlfriend as much as I am having a girlfriend with a positive relationship with her body. I don't expect anyone to be positive all of the time, but acceptance is a process and a belief. I want to be with someone who shares that belief with me. I don't want to be with someone who is actively stigmatizing her body. Plain and simple. Its way beyond whatever state her body is in while she's stigmatizing it.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Sep 5, 2006)

Well said. I could not agree more!




NFA said:


> If as an FA, all I cared about was the physical, I'd be thrilled by dieting. Just have to ride it out and then I've got a 90% chance of having a fatter girlfriend. But its not just about the physical for me. I'm not concerned about having a fat girlfriend as much as I am having a girlfriend with a positive relationship with her body. I don't expect anyone to be positive all of the time, but acceptance is a process and a belief. I want to be with someone who shares that belief with me. I don't want to be with someone who is actively stigmatizing her body. Plain and simple. Its way beyond whatever state her body is in while she's stigmatizing it.


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## Tracyarts (Sep 5, 2006)

What I can't wrap my mind around is the idea that unless your partner is a FA, they cannot truly/fully appreciate and enjoy your fat body and that you must be missing out on something. 

That makes no sense to me.

All bodies are unique, all body types have their own appeal. I am one of those people who really doesn't have much of a preference at all. To me, firm flesh is just as nice as soft flesh. It's all nice to touch. 

Same with any attribute. Brown eyes are lovely to look at, as are blue eyes or green eyes or hazel eyes. Wavy hair is nice to run my fingers through, as is straight hair or curly hair. Pale skin is sexy as tan skin. A hairy body is just as nice to cuddle up next to as a smooth body. Shorter or taller than me? Who the hell cares? I certainly don't. 

Because I have been involved with more men who were my height or shorter, does that mean that I could not *truly* appreciate a tall man's body because I do not specifically prefer tall bodies? Is he missing out because I am not a specificially tall men only type? Bullshit. It is what it is. And in my opinion, it's all good as long as that spark of attraction is present.

We like what we like, and for a lot of people what we like is not easily defined. That doesn't mean we like any less or with any less passion or any less genuinely. It just means that the same thing that causes some people to have specific preferences causes us to have no specific preference. 

Tracy


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## moonvine (Sep 5, 2006)

NFA said:


> Which might not be much in either instance. Or worse yet, maybe he really does prefer one over the other but declines to admit as much. Lets say you get sick and lose weight temporarily. Getting sick may induce weight loss, but its no weight loss plan. When you get better, your weight will stabalize. Happened to me. I lost 60lbs and was genuinely thin when the illness passed. My girlfriend at the time claimed to have no physical preference, but that plainly wasn't true when I lost weight. After regaining the weight, it was hard to forget how excited she was that I lost weight.



No, it is no weight loss plan. I don't intend to either get sick or to diet in order to lose weight. However, you never know what might happen to you in life. My grandmother was fat all her life until near the end of it, when she got stomach cancer. I would hate to think that a man would leave me because I got thinner just as much as I would hate to think that a man would leave me because I got fatter.



> Dieting is just as likely to be temporary. Indeed, dieting is likely to result in weight gain.



Indeed it is. There's a quote by you I just love...diets don't work if you really need them to, diets don't work if you really want them to, diets don't work if you wish upon a star, etc.



> If as an FA, all I cared about was the physical, I'd be thrilled by dieting. Just have to ride it out and then I've got a 90% chance of having a fatter girlfriend. But its not just about the physical for me. I'm not concerned about having a fat girlfriend as much as I am having a girlfriend with a positive relationship with her body. I don't expect anyone to be positive all of the time, but acceptance is a process and a belief. I want to be with someone who shares that belief with me. I don't want to be with someone who is actively stigmatizing her body. Plain and simple. Its way beyond whatever state her body is in while she's stigmatizing it.



It would be nice to find someone like you. However, the bitter truth is that there are not enough of you to go around. Either we all become polyamorous, lots and lots of us resign ourselves to living alone for life, or we explore other options. 1 and 2 are not acceptable to me, but 3 is.


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## Tad (Sep 5, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> There are some women that are stating that they would NEVER date an FA because they don't want someone that will love their fat. There are those saying that they may date an FA but they prefer guys with no preference.
> 
> I'm just trying to understand why they wouldn't want to date someone who was totally and completely into them..



Heh, I'm trying to take a break from posting, but it is really hard when there are fascinating threads like this one. I'll at least try to keep it short.

I think it is normal to want your partner to be attracted to those things in you that you find attractive. Likewise, to have your partner turned on by those things about you that you find sensual.

If you like your tummy and want attention paid to it, of course you will want a partner who finds your tummy attractive and sexy.

On the other hand, if you don't like your tummy, and view as this alien parasite attached to your midriff (only slightly exagerating how some people seem to feel), then being with someone who finds it sexy is bound to be uncomfortable. Of course if you really don't find most of your body attractive, it then makes it very hard to be with someone who is really attracted to you. Which is one of the reasons that it is always good to be able to find oneself sexy as is. 

I think this mis-match between what we value in ourselves and what our partner values in us is actually one of the most fraught areas in FA/big-folk relationships. Unfortunately it is a lot harder to determine than simply what a person looks like.

Regards;

-Ed


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 5, 2006)

Tina said:


> Once, a several years after high school, guy I knew from high school said to me, "Tina, you are pretty Iif you lost weight, I would ask you out." Too bad I was so shy then. I basically said nothing. Today, I would have an answer for him that would leave him feeling as if he had just been slapped. Hard.




That reminds me of back in 5th grade. A boy I went to school with and lived nearby said to me, I like you and want to be your boyfriend, but not at school. Ok?"

Luckilly I did not like him so I was able to respond (at 10yrs old) "no thanks, I don't want a boyfriend." 

He was a closet FA. I wonder if he's still in the closet? Toby? Are you out there?


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## Tina (Sep 5, 2006)

Tracyarts said:


> What I can't wrap my mind around is the idea that unless your partner is a FA, they cannot truly/fully appreciate and enjoy your fat body and that you must be missing out on something.



Just working from years of experience. FAs are just more enthusiastic when it comes to a fat woman's body. That is how it has worked for me; YMMV.

CuteyChubb, hopefully he has found his way out by now.


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## Rosie (Sep 5, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> We discuss topics that effect us as fat people..
> 
> Take your own advice..don't like the thread..don't read and post in it.




I answered the question that was posed in the first post in this thread with my own perspective. I have just as much right to do that as you have to answer it with your perspective. Then, you jumped all over me because *you* didn't like my answer.


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## Wagimawr (Sep 5, 2006)

Apologies for the hijacking, Misty, but I must do this.



Rosie said:


> I answered the question that was posed in the first post in this thread with my own perspective. I have just as much right to do that as you have to answer it with your perspective. Then, you jumped all over me because *you* didn't like my answer.


Bring interested in those who prefer things about you besides your body is fine. This? Not so much:


Rosie said:


> I definitely do NOT want a guy fawning over my fat - ugh, the thought just makes me want to toss my cookies.


Why do you hate being fat?


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## Tracyarts (Sep 5, 2006)

Tina said:


> Just working from years of experience. FAs are just more enthusiastic when it comes to a fat woman's body. That is how it has worked for me; YMMV.



And as all of our mileage may vary, In my years of experience, the only and I do mean *ONLY* extra "enthusiasm* I have experienced regarding my body from a so called F"A" has been of the icky, squicky fetishistic and dehumanizing kind that made me want to flee to the nearest shower to scrub myself raw from head to toe with scalding water and lysol. 

Which is why I am so fortunate and happy to have been able to find likeminded lovers and partners and not to have had to settle for somebody who was not, ultimately, the best match for me.

Tracy


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## moonvine (Sep 5, 2006)

Wagimawr said:


> Why do you hate being fat?



I don't think it is unusual to hate being fat. I think most fat people hate being fat.

What I wonder is why someone who hates being fat wants to post to a fat acceptance board to begin with.


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## Tina (Sep 5, 2006)

Tracyarts said:


> And as all of our mileage may vary, In my years of experience, the only and I do mean *ONLY* extra "enthusiasm* I have experienced regarding my body from a so called F"A" has been of the icky, squicky fetishistic and dehumanizing kind that made me want to flee to the nearest shower to scrub myself raw from head to toe with scalding water and lysol.
> 
> Which is why I am so fortunate and happy to have been able to find likeminded lovers and partners and not to have had to settle for somebody who was not, ultimately, the best match for me.
> 
> Tracy



Given your experience then, I can see why you feel as you do. And you have your hubby now, and it seems like you have a very loving, good relationship, so I guess it all works out in the end, eh?


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## Wagimawr (Sep 5, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I don't think it is unusual to hate being fat. I think most fat people hate being fat.


Not having total acceptance of one's body and/or weight is one thing.

Rosie seems to have not only no acceptance, but outright hatred. 


moonvine said:


> What I wonder is why someone who hates being fat wants to post to a fat acceptance board to begin with.


I was wondering the same thing.


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## Donna (Sep 5, 2006)

> Quote:
> Originally Posted by moonvine
> What I wonder is why someone who hates being fat wants to post to a fat acceptance board to begin with.
> 
> I was wondering the same thing.



Perhaps in the process of trying to gain their own sense of acceptance?


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## moonvine (Sep 5, 2006)

Donnaalicious said:


> Perhaps in the process of trying to gain their own sense of acceptance?




Perhaps, but she's often said she doesn't want to accept her fat. I would think that the first step down the road of fat acceptance would be wanting to accept your fat, BWDIK.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 5, 2006)

Rosie said:


> I answered the question that was posed in the first post in this thread with my own perspective. I have just as much right to do that as you have to answer it with your perspective. Then, you jumped all over me because *you* didn't like my answer.


You might go review the thread..because I didn't say anything to you until you posted about the same topics being covered. So get your facts straight sister.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 5, 2006)

Tracyarts said:


> What I can't wrap my mind around is the idea that unless your partner is a FA, they cannot truly/fully appreciate and enjoy your fat body and that you must be missing out on something.


I realize you had a creepy experience and I'm sorry about that.

In my experience and I think that of some of the other ladies, the experiences with an FA were totally and complete night and day compared to those of a non FA.

No one has the same experiences. We are all individuals. Those of us that are completely and totally for dating only FAs have experienced how amazing it is to have someone be totally and completely into your entire body. I'm sure there are some guys who can be totally into fat and not be an FA..but I know that the experiences I have had..the FAs were far more enjoyable..in and out of the bedroom.


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## Brenda (Sep 6, 2006)

I guess I am wondering what happens when you find this "true" fa and you change. Maybe your knees give out and you are forced to drop a few pounds, or you get sick or whatever. Will this FA still be totally into you and your body? From your definition no, because he is only attracted to fat women. 

How secure will you feel in a relationship knowing that if you change he will no longer will be attracted to you? Is that really love? 

I met John at close to my heaviest. I have since lost a 100lbs and his affection for me has not changed, up or down the scale. He did not encourage me to lose weight but he did not discourage me because he knew it was what was best for my health. He let me decide what was best for me and did what he could in a quiet gentle way to help me regain my health. That to me is the definition of a true fa.

Brenda


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## Ericthonius (Sep 6, 2006)

Brenda said:


> I guess I am wondering what happens when you find this "true" fa and you change. Maybe your knees give out and you are forced to drop a few pounds, or you get sick or whatever. Will this FA still be totally into you and your body? From your definition no, because he is only attracted to fat women.
> 
> How secure will you feel in a relationship knowing that if you change he will no longer will be attracted to you? Is that really love?
> 
> ...



There's a gray area in what you wrote that I hope you could clarify. After you lost the above mentioned 100 pounds, are you still fat?

I ask because by your own words _your_ true FA didn't leave you, so either he didn't leave because you're still fat OR you're no longer fat yet he's still there therefore how can you surmise that your SO is a 'true FA', as you're thin now and still together. See how as I'm reading this one side of the equation seems to cancel-out the other?

Thanks in advance for clarifying this point.

The other thought I have about this whole situation, (And no, Brenda, I'm not asking you this part of my post but addressing the population here in general.), vis-a-vis any type of relationship-oriented security is this: 

With the high attrition rate of marriages, (Specificly here in the US as I've never seen figures for divorce rates in other countries.), which IIRC is somewhere just shy of 60%, where the hell does anyone get the confidence to think ANY relationship is secure? Fat, thin or otherwise?


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## Tina (Sep 6, 2006)

Ericthonius said:


> There's a gray area in what you wrote that I hope you could clarify. After you lost the above mentioned 100 pounds, are you still fat?
> 
> I ask because by your own words _your_ true FA didn't leave you, so either he didn't leave because you're still fat OR you're no longer fat yet he's still there therefore how can you surmise that your SO is a 'true FA', as you're thin now and still together. See how as I'm reading this one side of the equation seems to cancel-out the other?
> 
> ...



It isn't secure, if each person in the relationship doesn't make a daily decision that the person they are with is the one they want to be with. Sometimes, that decision isn't made by one or the other for a while, and things get sloppy, and apathy sets in, or you each start changing in opposing ways, and then down the road you look at each other and decide there isn't as much to stick around for as there once was. Heck, or the Fickle Finger of Fate could step in and your partner goes insane, thinks he's Jesus Christ and wants a divorce. Life is weird.

I found, through the dissolution of my previous relationship, that there is you, there is your partner, and then there is the two of you together: the relationship. It is a fragile, living, breathing entity, and it can die from abuse or neglect. Without that daily decision -- whether consciously, or by unconscious, loving impulse, it won't last. 

Biggie would definitely fit the definition of a Fat Admirer, but he's also a Tina Admirer, just like John is a Brenda Admirer (I've seen them together in person, and they are great together). I have lost weight since we first met, and I think that, while I will hopefully never be 450 again, or above, I will always be fat and have no desire to be thin. I will also always be soft. These are pluses for pretty much any FA.

I think it can be easy to get caught up in trying to be the biggest, or the best, or the prettiest, etc. But, you know, there will always, without fail, be someone coming along who will be bigger, or prettier, or better at this or that. We're all responsible for who we are within our relationships -- for being loving as well as being loveable. What keeps us around (barring people who stay in relationships for reasons not having much to do with love), is the fact that we are looking through the eyes of love, and no one else is quite as lovely to us (even if a person might be more beautiful, or handsome, physically). And while they, and we, may glance at and admire another person, when the love is still there, the glance is fleeting -- kind of like people-watching. When that eyes of love thing ceases to happen, that is the death knell for the relationship.

Ultimately, we have confidence in love because our hearts say we should. Fools in love? God, yes, I hope so! Who the hell wants to be 'mature' and sedate about love, anyway?


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## Brenda (Sep 6, 2006)

I am still fat but I am still losing weight. I don't think I have the genetics to ever be thin nore was that the goal I am shooting for. 

While I am certain John would prefer me fat, I am equally certain that if I did become thin that he would be as committed to me as he is today. I think it is because he puts me over my fat. 

In the past I have been with men whom fat was a deal breaker, if I fell below a certain weight I knew it would be over. That to me ties in directly with your point about divorice rates and why I would never choose to be with someone like that today. Relationships are difficult and challenging enough without having to maintain some perfect physical image (whether that be perfectly thin or perfectly fat). What if my face wrinkles up will he still want me? What if I am in a car wreck and my face is scarrred? 

We get old, we gain weight, we lose weight, simply we change. If a relatiosnhip can not embrace change it will fail.

Brenda


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Sep 6, 2006)

Rosie said:


> I only date guys with no preference and who want me for WHO I am, not my body shape or size. I definitely do NOT want a guy fawning over my fat - ugh, the thought just makes me want to toss my cookies.



I guess I just find that fascinating. How do you think about sex? Is sex in general not important to you? Do you not have a physical preference?

Without being vulgar and lighting the raging fires of the Hounds of Conrad (tm) , don't you think your body is a very important part of you? It's the sensory vehicle through which you experience life. When you fantasize about sex, don't you think about being touched various places? Do you think about that with your current body being the object of affection, or do you see that through an ideal body?

There are things I dislike about my body, but when I think about sex, it doesn't make me ill. There are aspects of my body I can't imagine not being there. If they're there, and I'm enjoying sex, they're going to be admired. The only way to avoid having my body admired, ever, is to NEVER have sex and NEVER date. To me it just seems easier to risk body acceptance. I'm not slamming you. I'm just puzzled.


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## Rosie (Sep 6, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> You might go review the thread..because I didn't say anything to you until you posted about the same topics being covered. So get your facts straight sister.



I am NOT your sister. And I was posting in reply to a post trashing me for saying the same thing over and over again. Perhaps YOU should review the thread.


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## NFA (Sep 6, 2006)

Rosie said:


> I only date guys with no preference and who want me for WHO I am, not my body shape or size. I definitely do NOT want a guy fawning over my fat - ugh, the thought just makes me want to toss my cookies.



Feel free to lose the self-righteousness whenever you feel like it. What you are looking for isn't a man who will want you for WHO you are. You are looking for a man who will like what you want them to like and dislike what you want them to dislike. That's your right, but don't act as if you've got some moral high ground which you are championing. All you're doing is looking for a man who will NOT want all that you are. Just all that you want him to.


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## mossystate (Sep 6, 2006)

I guess I want a man who does not make a shrine honoring my fat..but DOES go to 'church' on all holy days...


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 6, 2006)

If you are a fat person, fat is part of WHO you are. 

Is it just me or do folks seem a bit argumentative lately?

Peace


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## Ericthonius (Sep 6, 2006)

Brenda said:


> ...While I am certain John would prefer me fat, I am equally certain that if I did become thin that he would be as committed to me as he is today. I think it is because he puts me over my fat.
> 
> ...We get old, we gain weight, we lose weight, simply we change. If a relatiosnhip can not embrace change it will fail.
> 
> Brenda



OK now I understand where you're coming from. Both what you replied to me above, (And thanks, BTW, I was hoping you wouldn't think I was being cheeky or argumentative with my question.), and Tina's response as well filled in what I perceived as a penumbra.


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## Jane (Sep 6, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> If you are a fat person, fat is part of WHO you are.
> 
> Is it just me or do folks seem a bit argumentative lately?
> 
> Peace


And just what do you mean by that?

(Actually, I've not been in an arguing mood, but I am in a mood to tell an entire list of people to F*** O**. Just, it's no one on here.)


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 6, 2006)

Jane said:


> And just what do you mean by that?
> 
> (Actually, I've not been in an arguing mood, but I am in a mood to tell an entire list of people to F*** O**. Just, it's no one on here.)


          : 
peace


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## Jane (Sep 6, 2006)

I knew you would get it. ROFLMAO


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## Littleghost (Sep 6, 2006)

Ella Bella said:


> There is much more to admire about me than just my fat.
> I always preferred and am currently with someone who likes women of all shapes and sizes.


That's the problem with being an FA. :doh: On this board we've managed to get past the misconception that "feeders are FAs, but not ALL FAs are feeders." But there's still some that don't get that FA-ism is not a fetish. Yes, it's perfectly true that some FAs are players, but then again the same is true of men in general; and for that matter, some women. 
I've read a great deal more posts lately than even I expected about FAs not dating as much as they could, or dating but still being virgins. Could it be that just as there is more to a SS/BBW than her body, there is more to an FA than just physical attraction?? :shocked: If it were as simple as finding a body, the number of single FAs wouldn't exist. And yet we hear about break ups and not connecting and so on. 
The ONLY reason that I wouldn't call myself an FA is for fear of being judged solely on that. But I do anyways, because I know that women want be appreciated on all levels and can extend the same courtesy. Yeah, I like fat women. But I also like women with a weird sense of humor, intelligence and so on.
At the very least, maybe the misconception helps weed out the superficial ones for me.

 
--Littleghost


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## Spanky (Sep 6, 2006)

Littleghost said:


> That's the problem with being an FA. :doh: On this board we've managed to get past the misconception that "feeders are FAs, but not ALL FAs are feeders." But there's still some that don't get that FA-ism is not a fetish. Yes, it's perfectly true that some FAs are players, but then again the same is true of men in general; and for that matter, some women.
> I've read a great deal more posts lately than even I expected about FAs not dating as much as they could, or dating but still being virgins. Could it be that just as there is more to a SS/BBW than her body, there is more to an FA than just physical attraction?? :shocked: If it were as simple as finding a body, the number of single FAs wouldn't exist. And yet we hear about break ups and not connecting and so on.
> The ONLY reason that I wouldn't call myself an FA is for fear of being judged solely on that. But I do anyways, because I know that women want be appreciated on all levels and can extend the same courtesy. Yeah, I like fat women. But I also like women with a weird sense of humor, intelligence and so on.
> At the very least, maybe the misconception helps weed out the superficial ones for me.
> ...



Amen, Littleghost, AMEN!


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## fatgirlflyin (Sep 6, 2006)

Littleghost said:


> That's the problem with being an FA. :doh: On this board we've managed to get past the misconception that "feeders are FAs, but not ALL FAs are feeders." But there's still some that don't get that FA-ism is not a fetish. Yes, it's perfectly true that some FAs are players, but then again the same is true of men in general; and for that matter, some women.
> I've read a great deal more posts lately than even I expected about FAs not dating as much as they could, or dating but still being virgins. Could it be that just as there is more to a SS/BBW than her body, there is more to an FA than just physical attraction?? :shocked: If it were as simple as finding a body, the number of single FAs wouldn't exist. And yet we hear about break ups and not connecting and so on.
> The ONLY reason that I wouldn't call myself an FA is for fear of being judged solely on that. But I do anyways, because I know that women want be appreciated on all levels and can extend the same courtesy. Yeah, I like fat women. But I also like women with a weird sense of humor, intelligence and so on.
> At the very least, maybe the misconception helps weed out the superficial ones for me.
> ...



I was just being funny! Sadly I didn't convey it well enough for it to come across that way.  

I personally dont care what someone finds attractive about me initially, because that's not what's going to keep them coming back. They are going to stay interested and become interested in knowing more because of the kind of person that I am. 

I happen to have big teeth (one of the reasons I dont smile a whole lot) but if I met a guy that was attracted to girls with big teeth would I care that my teeth were what drew him to me in the first place? Nope I sure wouldn't. Are my teeth enough to keep him coming back for more Ella? I would hope not, I think in that instance I would be a little wierded out. 

The wrapping paper is what make people notice the package and then be curious about whats inside. For that reason I always try to wrap myself as nicely as possible, if they like the person I am once I'm unwrapped then great, if not I wrap myself up again and sooner or later someone else will come along...


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## Spanky (Sep 7, 2006)

Ella Bella said:


> I was just being funny! Sadly I didn't convey it well enough for it to come across that way.
> 
> I personally dont care what someone finds attractive about me initially, because that's not what's going to keep them coming back. They are going to stay interested and become interested in knowing more because of the kind of person that I am.
> 
> ...



I liked your post a lot, Ella. 

For me, simply put, FA means when a BBW walks by my head turns in her direction while the majority of male Americans either don't notice or turn in the direction of the size 0, 2 or 4 woman walking by. It doesn't mean that I do not find beauty in all women, I absolutely do. And it is physical only. It says nothing to what kind of person they are. I can't know who they are as they walk by. I think all women deserve a little attention. I like this board as a way to let BBWs know that there are guys who find them beautiful, if from afar. I think society has denied or severely restricted them that pleasure. They can get it here. 

I think that if you where a blond, blue-eyed, size 4 and a guy secretly confided in you that he liked blond, blue-eyed, size 4 women, he would have the backing of society in his preference and there would be no suspicion from anybody. In fact, "preference" always seems to be the label when it is not the "norm" or "standard" dictated by Cosmo, People or Mattel. I am only surmising here, but admission of a preference for something outside the norm, say, big teeth or fat, there is a sudden suspicion possibly embedded in all of us having been raised and steeped in this society with it's norms and standards. This is what FAs deal with. 

Anyway, I went to the Prom with a girl with big teeth. A few jackass guys made fun behind her back. Guess I showed them by asking her to the prom. Never thought about her teeth. She was a very pretty and a very nice girl. That is what counted. 

And please keep smiling!


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## NFA (Sep 7, 2006)

Littleghost said:


> That's the problem with being an FA. :doh: On this board we've managed to get past the misconception that "feeders are FAs, but not ALL FAs are feeders." But there's still some that don't get that FA-ism is not a fetish. Yes, it's perfectly true that some FAs are players, but then again the same is true of men in general; and for that matter, some women.
> I've read a great deal more posts lately than even I expected about FAs not dating as much as they could, or dating but still being virgins. Could it be that just as there is more to a SS/BBW than her body, there is more to an FA than just physical attraction?? :shocked: If it were as simple as finding a body, the number of single FAs wouldn't exist. And yet we hear about break ups and not connecting and so on.
> The ONLY reason that I wouldn't call myself an FA is for fear of being judged solely on that. But I do anyways, because I know that women want be appreciated on all levels and can extend the same courtesy. Yeah, I like fat women. But I also like women with a weird sense of humor, intelligence and so on.
> At the very least, maybe the misconception helps weed out the superficial ones for me.
> ...



Any FA who accepts the notion that Feeders are FAs is contributing to the misconception that fat attraction is a fetish. Feeders are NOT FA's. That's not a value judgement. Its just a recognition of a clear and important distinction. Feeders aren't attracted to fat women. They fetishize a process. An FA looks at fat women and is attracted to them. He's not inspired to grow his own. There are plenty enough BBWs for all the FA's in the world. The idea that the desire to create BBWs for ones amusement is anything like being an FA is an insult to fat women and to FA's. This isn't the website to condemn feeders and I have no interest in getting into that discussion here. But they are NOT FA's. Unless more FA's have the small amount of courage required to say that, we've no reason to complain about any misconceptions BBWs may have about us. If we don't have the guts to acknowledge that FA's are not feeders, we can't expect anyone else to realize that on their own. Feeders ARE actively insisting on defining themselves as FA's. Without any push-back, it is no surprise that this view point is commonly held.


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## Littleghost (Sep 7, 2006)

Well, I didn't know the situation of the politics on it, as I avoid and distance myself from it as much as I can. I just knew that they hung aroung the board here and there, trolling in their own fashion on the weight board and so there was a general if not substantial connection. If that's the case, then I'm all the happier for it. I've never been comfortable being associated with them, as the other post said. And as you said, they constantly crow their FAism, there wasn't much opportunity for a casual observer like me to really explore it. So slow down the bandwagon enough so that I can hop on!  

--Littleghost


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 7, 2006)

Ella Bella said:


> The wrapping paper is what make people notice the package and then be curious about whats inside. For that reason I always try to wrap myself as nicely as possible, if they like the person I am once I'm unwrapped then great, if not I wrap myself up again and sooner or later someone else will come along...


You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Ella Bella again

Really nice way of putting that.


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## babyjeep21 (Sep 7, 2006)

I just wanted to comment on how much I appreciate discussions like this. It is so easy to form opinions from what we see in chatrooms and whatever random article we may find in the media. In this forum, I feel like I am actually able to gain knowledge and understand different opinions. And I like that!


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Sep 7, 2006)

Fat admirers should love fat women as they are. I don't know where the feeders fit into that continuum, but they do not represent us. 





NFA said:


> Any FA who accepts the notion that Feeders are FAs is contributing to the misconception that fat attraction is a fetish. Feeders are NOT FA's. That's not a value judgement. Its just a recognition of a clear and important distinction. Feeders aren't attracted to fat women. They fetishize a process. An FA looks at fat women and is attracted to them. He's not inspired to grow his own. There are plenty enough BBWs for all the FA's in the world. The idea that the desire to create BBWs for ones amusement is anything like being an FA is an insult to fat women and to FA's. This isn't the website to condemn feeders and I have no interest in getting into that discussion here. But they are NOT FA's. Unless more FA's have the small amount of courage required to say that, we've no reason to complain about any misconceptions BBWs may have about us. If we don't have the guts to acknowledge that FA's are not feeders, we can't expect anyone else to realize that on their own. Feeders ARE actively insisting on defining themselves as FA's. Without any push-back, it is no surprise that this view point is commonly held.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 7, 2006)

I will say this.. Fa or not dating is hard. blah sorry im going thru it now at this point I would like to find a great guy to have something with..


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## LillyBBBW (Sep 8, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> I will say this.. Fa or not dating is hard. blah sorry im going thru it now at this point I would like to find a great guy to have something with..



Great guys come in all packages Sexxy. Forget about labels and categories, stick with someone you care about who cares about you and respects you no matter what he calls himself.

I hear you though. It's tough out there. I'm sludging though it right along side you. Hang in there girlie!


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## Gil3 (Sep 8, 2006)

Rosie said:


> I only date guys with no preference and who want me for WHO I am, not my body shape or size. I definitely do NOT want a guy fawning over my fat - ugh, the thought just makes me want to toss my cookies.



So you are saying you would be turned off by someone who was in love with your body as well as you? isn't your body part of who you are? I don't understand


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 9, 2006)

Gil3 said:


> So you are saying you would be turned off by someone who was in love with your body as well as you? isn't your body part of who you are? I don't understand


Join the club! I'm president..maybe you can be sergant in arms or something...

It baffles me..truly..baffles me


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 9, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> Great guys come in all packages Sexxy. Forget about labels and categories, stick with someone you care about who cares about you and respects you no matter what he calls himself.
> 
> I hear you though. It's tough out there. I'm sludging though it right along side you. Hang in there girlie!



thank you .. someday we will I am sure


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## Tracyarts (Sep 10, 2006)

Okay, I thought about it quite a bit, and think I can express what I want to say a little bit better regarding this subject. 

What, in reality, am I missing by not being involved with a FA? I am hearing women say that FA's pay more attention to their bodies or pay more attention to the fat parts of their bodies. 

Well, in all honesty, as long as I am not lacking in the body-attention department, what difference does it make? Also, none of my erogenous zones are in areas where I have heavy fat deposits. Somebody can "pay attention" to my belly or side pudge all day long and it won't do much of anything for me except wish that they were touching the places I *like* to be touched. 

Which was my big problem with a FA lover. He paid constant attention to my belly, but that did nothing for me whatsoever. It is not one of my erogenous zones. It did everything for him, but for me it was not sexually pleasureable or even all that pleasureable in a tactile way. 

For me, it is my back I like having touched. But since my back was not *fat*, and in fact since my back is very muscular and strong, he did not like to touch it, or did it halfheartedly with a lack of enthusiasm. He wanted to touch my belly to his never ending delight. But when I asked for a back massage, it was like asking him to touch toxic waste because *gasp* I was not _fat_ there and he did not like the feeling of muscle beneath his hands. He wanted a fat lover because he liked the way fat felt, not the way muscles felt. 

And of course, he accused me of not enjoying the belly grope-fests because I "did not accept my fat" and if I "loved my fat" I would wind up in orgasmic bliss from having it pumped and kneaded and fondled and squeezed, etc... 

But that is just the way my body is wired. Everybody has different erogenous zones. One man will hit the ceiling squealing with delight if you stick your tongue in his ear. Another will just cringe because it icks him out. Does it mean the second man has a hang up about hating his ear because he cannot take pleasure from having it "paid attention to"? No, just how he is wired. Does it mean he is missing out if he finds a lover who hates sticking tongues in peoples' ears? No, not in the least. 

Which is why I cannot understand why having a FA lover would make any difference. If my belly, or any other part of my body where I retain a lot of fatty tissue was a major erogenous zone, it would be important that I have a partner who really enjoyed paying attention to it. But since it's not, I can't possibly see what I am missing out on. 

Tracy


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## moonvine (Sep 10, 2006)

I hate having my belly touched because I'm super ticklish. It isn't an erogenous zone for me. I know it is for some FA's, though, and when FAs whom I do not know try to walk up to me and touch my belly in public I feel every bit as violated as if they had grabbed my chest or my butt in public. It really skeeves me out. (Yet another in the very long list of why I cannot stand bashes).


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## Tina (Sep 10, 2006)

Tracy, I think you have very good reasons to feel the way you do. Your experiences have taught you that FAs are not the best kind of partner for you, whereas for me, Misty, and some others, they are. I think that is what's great about this being a big, ol' world, with lots of differences, and that proverbial lid for every pot.


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## Tracyarts (Sep 10, 2006)

Tina you are absolutely right. 

And the only point I was trying to make is that it is total nonsense to believe that if you are a fat person, having a FA for a lover/partner is somehow better or more fulfilling than having a non FA for a lover/partner. And I have read some posts implying that it was.

Tracy


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## Carrie (Sep 10, 2006)

Tracyarts said:


> Tina you are absolutely right.
> 
> And the only point I was trying to make is that it is total nonsense to believe that if you are a fat person, having a FA for a lover/partner is somehow better or more fulfilling than having a non FA for a lover/partner. And I have read some posts implying that it was.
> 
> Tracy



Actually, it's not nonsense. I've been with both, and for me, it *is* more fulfilling to be with a FA. I think Tina was trying to say to each her own, it's a personal decision based on personal experience and nothing is "nonsense".


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## AnnMarie (Sep 10, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Actually, it's not nonsense. I've been with both, and for me, it *is* more fulfilling to be with a FA. I think Tina was trying to say to each her own, it's a personal decision based on personal experience and nothing is "nonsense".




Agreed....


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## Tina (Sep 10, 2006)

Carrie said:


> I think Tina was trying to say to each her own, it's a personal decision based on personal experience and nothing is "nonsense".



Exactamundo, gorgeous.


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## Santaclear (Sep 10, 2006)

Tracy, about that experience with the guy you were describing, chemistry aside, in ignoring your erogenous zones or going at them half-heartedly he was simply not being a good lover. Even though I've heard similar stories I wouldn't let that reflect on all FAs. Not all of us are bad lovers!


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 10, 2006)

Tracyarts said:


> Tina you are absolutely right.
> 
> And the only point I was trying to make is that it is total nonsense to believe that if you are a fat person, having a FA for a lover/partner is somehow better or more fulfilling than having a non FA for a lover/partner. And I have read some posts implying that it was.
> 
> Tracy


No one is implying that. We are stating a fact that is true to us. You had a bad experience and it seems that the one bad apple spoils the bunch example applies to you. IT DOES NOT apply to all of us.

I find it offensive that you dismiss our thoughts and feeling as nonsense when none of us that choose to date only FAs have done that to anyone who said they would rather not date an FA. We've simply stated to each their own. 

I am stating..for the record that IN MY EXPERIENCE being a fat woman and having an FA for a partner was BETTER and MORE FULLFILLING than having a non fa partner.

There..no implying needed.


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## Tracyarts (Sep 10, 2006)

Here is an example of the kind of mindset that makes no sense to me since some of you seem to be confused and unable to process what I am trying to say. 

" There are certain actions that an FA does that other guys do not. "

Such as? I mean, seriously, what kinds of actions? 

Tracy


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## Miss Vickie (Sep 10, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Actually, it's not nonsense. I've been with both, and for me, it *is* more fulfilling to be with a FA. I think Tina was trying to say to each her own, it's a personal decision based on personal experience and nothing is "nonsense".



I could be wrong, but I think the "nonsense" she was referring to is the idea that one HAS to date an FA in order to have a fulfilling, "better" (by whatever criteria you judge such things) relationship -- that somehow relationships with FA's are by definition better somehow, by dint of the fact they're relationship with FA's. And in that sense, I think she's right. I think relationships, just like the people in them, are unique. What makes a relationship good, in my mind, is mutual respect, love, friendship, commitment and humor. Being in a relationship with a FA no more means you're guaranteed that than a relationship with a fat woman would.

As Tina says, to each their own.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 10, 2006)

Tracyarts said:


> Here is an example of the kind of mindset that makes no sense to me since some of you seem to be confused and unable to process what I am trying to say.
> 
> " There are certain actions that an FA does that other guys do not. "
> 
> ...





Tina said:


> There are also practical matters that are important to me. I don't necessarily want to explain every nuance of why living in, travelling in, dining out in, and shopping in (amongst a whole host of other activities, in bed and out) this fat body is different from the way skinny Susie lives. He just knows, if he is either well-read enough, or experienced enough, the general run-down of what to plan for and what to do and not to do, as pertains to the requirements of properly dating a fat girl. He may not know it all, but he's got a darned good idea, and would never come to pick me up in an MG Midget without a crane, vaseline and a prybar.





MisticalMisty said:


> I want a guy that will pay attention to every dimple, every curve, every roll, every crease of my body..my belly, my breasts, that roll of fat at the back of my neck..the new roll that's developing in my thigh. I want a guy that will devour every single inch and a non-FA *while some may* won't.





Saucywench said:


> I want both. I want to fall in love with a true FA, whereas before I would have been content simply being in love with a (non-FA) man. What is the difference? The difference is taking a standard concept, i.e., love, and amping it up several notches. While a man who is not an FA could conceivably love his BBW partner and, by extension, her body, that is not the same as having an FA lover who would not only love that body but absolutely revel in it. I know that there are nuances to an FA's affections that go far beyond that of an ordinary male, and these nuances are peculiar to our subculture alone. And, although I have yet to experience what I'm talking about (same as with being in love), I know it exists. As long as I am fat, which I never envision being otherwise, and thus by default part of this subculture, I will never stop wanting the best that this particular life has to offer. Why should I?



We've given examples of the differences. *Most* FAs are already aware of the issues we fat girls face in trying to fit into a thin society. They understand the need to be seated at a table..they understand the importance of making sure the theater has love seats. They realize that I'm not going to be able to walk for a mile without several stops. 

I'm not sure how much clearer we can make things. Am I saying that all FAs understand these things..no..am I saying that there aren't any non FAs who would be aware..no..

I am saying the word Most. Most fas already know this and most non FAs don't.


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## Ericthonius (Sep 10, 2006)

Tracyarts said:


> ...And the only point I was trying to make is that it is total nonsense to believe that if you are a fat person, having a FA for a lover/partner is somehow better or more fulfilling than having a non FA for a lover/partner. And I have read some posts implying that it was.
> -Tracy



Tracy, I think you're looking through the wrong end of the microscope. Experiences may vary from one person to another but there's one concept I'd like you to think about, (Without you feeling that this... What I'm writing, is an accusation or being pushy), that _anyone_ that by proof of the pudding being eating it, who makes you feel,' *WONDERFUL*', is _de facto_, an FA. 

Niether side of the equation may be aware of it but by definition your S/O, as proved by your words written here, makes you feel like a very special human being that sees fireworks when the two of you are tyogether. That's the major criteria right there in deciding whether or no that someone IS, in fact, an FA. There's a legal term, in Latin of course to confuse us mere mortals, _*Res Ipse Loquator*_, _The thing speaks for itself,_ as in there's no further explanation needed. It is what it is.

I'd put it to you, as a very lucky lady, that you've been with an FA for quite some time now and never connected the dots because for you it wasn't necessary in any, way, shape or form to do so. And I agree it really isn't necessary as no matter what you call it, that wet stuff falling out of the sky makes us all evenly wet.

_Que sera, sera?_


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## ThatFatGirl (Sep 10, 2006)

I have to interject and share this comment someone made to me once in the chatroom... this guy said to me basically that if a guy was attracted to me (an ssbbw), he is whether he realizes it or not an FA. He may not be strictly an FA, but he is attracted to fat women and therefore an FA. 

At the time I was dating a guy who had no idea about the term FA, he was attracted to women of all sizes and I argued with the guy in chat that my then-boyfriend was a Laura admirer, not a fat admirer.. I was kind of offended at the time by this guy's suggestion that his guy simply couldn't be attracted to *me*.

Years later (and involved with an FA who adores me), I think I'm better able to see his point... and wonder if there's some truth to what he said.


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## moonvine (Sep 10, 2006)

Tracyarts said:


> Here is an example of the kind of mindset that makes no sense to me since some of you seem to be confused and unable to process what I am trying to say.
> 
> " There are certain actions that an FA does that other guys do not. "
> 
> ...




I think if you go back further in the thread there are some actions stated, like finding out seating arrangements before he takes you somewhere, maybe accepting that there are some places he may need to not go or go by himself, maybe making sure they have a big car so you will fit in it? I don't get it either, but if people want to only date FAs, isn't that as valid a choice as anything else?


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## ThatFatGirl (Sep 10, 2006)

Ericthonius said:


> Tracy, I think you're looking through the wrong end of the microscope. Experiences may vary from one person to another but there's one concept I'd like you to think about, (Without you feeling that this... What I'm writing, is an accusation or being pushy), that _anyone_ that by proof of the pudding being eating it, who makes you feel,' *WONDERFUL*', is _de facto_, an FA.
> 
> Niether side of the equation may be aware of it but by definition your S/O, as proved by your words written here, makes you feel like a very special human being that sees fireworks when the two of you are tyogether. That's the major criteria right there in deciding whether or no that someone IS, in fact, an FA. There's a legal term, in Latin of course to confuse us mere mortals, _*Res Ipse Loquator*_, _The thing speaks for itself,_ as in there's no further explanation needed. It is what it is.
> 
> ...



Hmmm... a second vote for the Accidental FA. Interesting! 

I can't get into the male psyche, so I can't say for sure, but this is what I've been wondering about too.


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## Miss Vickie (Sep 10, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> We've given examples of the differences. *Most* FAs are already aware of the issues we fat girls face in trying to fit into a thin society. They understand the need to be seated at a table..they understand the importance of making sure the theater has love seats. They realize that I'm not going to be able to walk for a mile without several stops.
> 
> I'm not sure how much clearer we can make things. Am I saying that all FAs understand these things..no..am I saying that there aren't any non FAs who would be aware..no..
> 
> I am saying the word Most. Most fas already know this and most non FAs don't.



This makes complete sense, Misty. You're right, those things are important. And every single one of them I've had -- and more! -- being married to Burtimus lo these many years. And he doesn't self identify as a FA, but has dated women of all sizes and shapes. As you say, I know you're not saying non FA's are unaware. But what I'm saying is that kindness and courtesy are wonderful things -- regardless of whether the guy is, specifically, attracted to fat.


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 10, 2006)

Miss Vickie said:


> But what I'm saying is that kindness and courtesy are wonderful things -- regardless of whether the guy is, specifically, attracted to fat.


I couldn't agree more.

What's bothered me the most about this thread are some of the AWFUL generalizations being made about FAs.

Granted..no matter if they like fat or skinny women..some men can be assholes, and over step the boundaries of decency and respect but not EVERY man is like that and not EVERY fa is some fetishist that only gets off on a woman's fat.

Some of you have had awful experiences with FAs..but not every FA is some horrible person. Every person is different and every couple have different experiences together. I think of it in the same ways as a couple that divorces and go on to live happily ever after with someone else. Together..they didnt work..but with someone else..they worked just fine.

Not every FA is going to click with every fat girl. A friend and I were talking about this last night. He said he may be attracted to a lot of different fat girls but it's her and her personality that keeps him hooked.

In that regard, FAs are no different than any other man or woman on the planet for that matter. 

Back to the topic at hand. Each of us experience our world differently. My experiences as a four hundred pound woman are completely different than the next 400 pound woman.

Not every guy appreciates a fat girl and not every fat girl appreciates an FA. BUT..there are those of us that do..and want one.

It's not nonsense if we, as fat girls, want to date FAs and it's not nonsense if fat girls want to date guys who simply don't care. It is nonsense to say that one is better than the other. Tracy has had an awful experience with an FA..I've had nothing but great ones. Therefore our ideals are different and that's ok.

Good gravy


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## Miss Vickie (Sep 10, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I couldn't agree more.
> 
> What's bothered me the most about this thread are some of the AWFUL generalizations being made about FAs.


 

I know. I hate generalizations, and so that's bothered me too, both with generalizations about FA's and even non-FA's. I think that's what got me involved in the thread -- the implication that I was picking up, whether intended or not, that FA's were somehow "better", just because of the fact that they dig fat chicks. 



> Some of you have had awful experiences with FAs..but not every FA is some horrible person. Every person is different and every couple have different experiences together.



Absolutely. Personally I've never dated an FA so for me it's all totally theoretical. I don't have strong feelings about it one way or the other. I think it's cool that there are guys who are attracted to fat women, and I think it's cool that there are guys for whom it's the insides that count more than the outsides (Burtimus falls into that category). 



> Good gravy



Is there any other kind but "good" gravy? :eat2:


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## Tracyarts (Sep 10, 2006)

Ericthonius said:


> I'd put it to you, as a very lucky lady, that you've been with an FA for quite some time now and never connected the dots because for you it wasn't necessary in any, way, shape or form to do so. And I agree it really isn't necessary as no matter what you call it, that wet stuff falling out of the sky makes us all evenly wet. _Que sera, sera?_




I guess there is also an issue of semantics. I consider a "FA" to be a person who has an exclusive preference for a fat partner. Not necessarily a supersized partner, but a partner who is larger than what society says is the norm. And by being an exclusive preference, they do not deliberately seek out relationships with non-fat people. Not that it can't ever happen, but they express an exclusive preference for fat partners when seeking them out. I also define "FA" as somebody who appreciates the beauty of larger persons more than thin to average sized persons in media or just via peoplewatching. 

And as my husband had dated women of all shapes, sizes, races, ages, etc... and will show appreciation for the beauty of very diverse women he sees, I really never thought of him as a "FA". I thought of him as being like me. Not having a body size preference or much other physical preference for that matter. Just liking what we like. And what we like tends to be pretty diverse. 

Tracy


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## LoveBHMS (Sep 10, 2006)

I can put it this way.

I don't like all fat guys.
I don't like only fat guys.

I *do* like the way many fat guys look. My head does turn when I see a man that looks a certain way, including having chubby hands (one of my favorite body parts on a BHM for some reason) and a round gut. However, the looks are only the intial pull, the personality/common interests/chemistry/sense of humor have to seal the deal.

When you're with a BHM who likes being big, you can enjoy him more. You can express your appreciation over his tummy or love handles or back fat. If you're with a guy that doesn't like being heavy, you can't really do that both because he doesn't like it and because he'll never believe without exhaustive efforts on your part to convince him you do like it. There is a world of difference in the amount of fun you'll have with a man that embraces his size and a man that doesn't. I had an ex who didn't enjoy being heavy, which didn't allow me to fully enjoy his body the way I would have liked. I have had the privilege of being intimate with one or two BHM's who knew I was an FFA and let me go crazy over the entirity of their bodies. On the other hand, I made sure they knew it was them as MEN, not just "big men" that I was interested in.


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## NFA (Sep 10, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Actually, it's not nonsense. I've been with both, and for me, it *is* more fulfilling to be with a FA. I think Tina was trying to say to each her own, it's a personal decision based on personal experience and nothing is "nonsense".



Can't rep you again yet, but if anything warrented a rep this would be it. As an FA, this is absolutely encouraging and wonderful to hear.


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## Butterbelly (Sep 11, 2006)

I, too, have been with both non-FAs and FAs. I prefer to be with a FA. There is something about the way a FA looks at me, and touches me that a non-FA could never really understand. Granted, I've dated some non-FAs who thought I was gorgeous, but not in the same way a FA does.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Sep 11, 2006)

I would strongly prefer to be with a woman who either enjoys being big or has accepted herself as a big person. There are a lot of women who are unhappy with their size and it can make it difficult to enjoy a relationship, especially the physical part.


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 12, 2006)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I would strongly prefer to be with a woman who either enjoys being big or has accepted herself as a big person. There are a lot of women who are unhappy with their size and it can make it difficult to enjoy a relationship, especially the physical part.



Speaking as a BBW who recently began accepting herself, I believe if you are with a woman who has not accepted herself yet, you can help change her. It may be as simple as letting her know that you feel she is beautiful and enjoy her body. That alone could help her see herself through your eyes.


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## Carrie (Sep 12, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> Speaking as a BBW who recently began accepting herself, I believe if you are with a woman who has not accepted herself yet, you can help change her. It may be as simple as letting her know that you feel she is beautiful and enjoy her body. That alone could help her see herself through your eyes.



I think this dips into very dangerous territory. I've heard countless FAs mourn the loss of a relationship due to a partner's low self-esteem, and/or inability to accept and love her body and herself because of her fat. "I told her she was beautiful all the time....why couldn't she believe me?" "I thought I could help her to feel better about herself, but I failed..." We hear things like that, and the truth is, you can't change somebody's mind about him/herself. You just can't. The work has to be done internally, by the person in question. 

So while a few well-placed compliments and appreciative glances may help a person along in that journey, there's a big difference between that and actually thinking you can build another person's self-esteem. Let's say, just for argument's sake, that Jane, a fat woman, and Joe, a FA, get together. Jane hates her body and has low self-esteem because of her fat. Joe tries to make her see how beautiful she is in his eyes, through his words and actions. Jane finally starts to feel good about herself, because she believes that Joe thinks she is beautiful. Joe thinks she is attractive, and worthwhile; therefore, Jane feels attractive, and worthwhile. 

What happens when they break up? The one person she believed found her beautiful is now gone. How does Jane feel about herself now? 

Jane needs to believe that she is beautiful and worthwhile, with or without a FA partner. And that's work Jane has to do for herself, and by herself - it cannot be done for her, no matter how good the intentions of her partner might be. Jane has to walk the walk herself.

Cutey, I'm not trying to pick apart what you said, because I *do* think that an appreciative FA might be able to help a woman see beauty in herself. Might. But he can't MAKE her truly believe that she's beautiful and worthwhile, and it's tiring and sad to read posts by FAs reeling in bewilderment because they couldn't convince their insecure girlfriends that they're beautiful. 

Plenty of already confident, comfortable, beautiful fat women out there, guys.


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 12, 2006)

Carrie said:


> What happens when they break up? The one person she believed found her beautiful is now gone. How does Jane feel about herself now?
> 
> Plenty of already confident, comfortable, beautiful fat women out there, guys.



You are right on the break up point Carrie. My comments were from my own personal experiences. A FA helped me see the beauty in me. The loss of the relationship did make me question my self acceptance for a couple of days BUT I am back on track. I just think a FA shouldn't just bypass a woman who isn't quite there yet in her journey because there are plenty of women out there who have already arrived. If that would have happenned to me (being bypassed) then I wouldn't be where I am today.


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## moonvine (Sep 12, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> You are right on the break up point Carrie. My comments were from my own personal experiences. A FA helped me see the beauty in me. The loss of the relationship did make me question my self acceptance for a couple of days BUT I am back on track. I just think a FA shouldn't just bypass a woman who isn't quite there yet in her journey because there are plenty of women out there who have already arrived. If that would have happenned to me (being bypassed) then I wouldn't be where I am today.



I'm glad you had a good experience, CuteyChubb. However, I think a lot (maybe not all) men are like me in this regard. 

I don't date men who don't have some reasonable level of self-esteem (and what I really go for is self-confidence on a level that borders on arrogance, though I'm aware that really isn't good for me, I can't help it that it makes me weak-kneed any more than an FA can help what he likes).

Everyone has some bad days, and some days where they don't feel good about themselves, and I'm not looking for perfection, but I used to be a therapist and I'm not going to be one in my relationship.

I don't think that women should look for men who are going to fix them either. We all get to take responsibility for fixing themselves, along with some professional help when needed.

Just my opinion.


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## NFA (Sep 12, 2006)

I spent my youth trying to get young women to see the beauty I saw in them. Once I got into a relationship with a BBW who accepted herself, it was a revelation. I really wasn't aware that this option existed and now in sight, I could never look away. I can't spend my life trying to fix other people. Its not fair to myself, or to them. Dating a person as a fixer-up project is a very dangerous proposition. Given the choice between a self-accepting BBW and a potentially self-accepting BBW, well, I don't think its even a choice. I'd love to know that I could change a person's attitude towards themselves, but I can't. Ultimately, its something they need to decide to make a change about. And I would rather spare myself and the hypothetical BBW the heartache if she is never able to come to that place.


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## Jane (Sep 12, 2006)

Carrie said:


> I think this dips into very dangerous territory. I've heard countless FAs mourn the loss of a relationship due to a partner's low self-esteem, and/or inability to accept and love her body and herself because of her fat. "I told her she was beautiful all the time....why couldn't she believe me?" "I thought I could help her to feel better about herself, but I failed..." We hear things like that, and the truth is, you can't change somebody's mind about him/herself. You just can't. The work has to be done internally, by the person in question.
> 
> So while a few well-placed compliments and appreciative glances may help a person along in that journey, there's a big difference between that and actually thinking you can build another person's self-esteem. Let's say, just for argument's sake, that Jane, a fat woman, and Joe, a FA, get together. Jane hates her body and has low self-esteem because of her fat. Joe tries to make her see how beautiful she is in his eyes, through his words and actions. Jane finally starts to feel good about herself, because she believes that Joe thinks she is beautiful. Joe thinks she is attractive, and worthwhile; therefore, Jane feels attractive, and worthwhile.
> 
> ...


Personal, much????

ROFL...I agree completely. A guy can help get you there, but you've got to carry your own baggage.


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## furious styles (Sep 12, 2006)

LoveBHMS said:


> I can put it this way.
> 
> I don't like all fat guys.
> I don't like only fat guys.



I feel the same way about girls. I consider myself an FA in some respects, but mainly I just like the female body, all different kinds of shapes and sizes. No need to narrow your spectrum of interest, in my opinion. My fiance is 5'0 and weighs 120 lbs.


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## MisticalMisty (Oct 6, 2006)

I really feel that the women who seemed to not understand FAs should go read this thread!


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 6, 2006)

I was going to say some good things about an FA.. It was an FA who opened my eyes to how beautiful I am when I couldnt look at myself in the mirror & still being friends he has seen the difference in me & just how proud I am that I am not ashamed to say I am fat or showing off my belly & how sexxy I think I am now.. It is an FA who thinks its cute if I eat alot more then most non fat girls would.. Its an FA who wouldnt have a problem if I gained 20 lbs but look at me & think I am as sexxy as I was 20lbs lighter. It is the FA who will put his hand on my belly & even rub it & not be turned off by it. There are alot more things I can say but I think this will do...

Thank you :happy:


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## metalheadFA (Oct 6, 2006)

> I was going to say some good things about an FA.. It was an FA who opened my eyes to how beautiful I am when I couldnt look at myself in the mirror & still being friends he has seen the difference in me & just how proud I am that I am not ashamed to say I am fat or showing off my belly & how sexxy I think I am now.. It is an FA who thinks its cute if I eat alot more then most non fat girls would.. Its an FA who wouldnt have a problem if I gained 20 lbs but look at me & think I am as sexxy as I was 20lbs lighter. It is the FA who will put his hand on my belly & even rub it & not be turned off by it. There are alot more things I can say but I think this will do...
> 
> Thank you



Theres too few girls in this world with that attitude.

Not speaking for myself but from a bandmate who dated a very large girl a couple of years back after years of them being freinds he actually found it a real turn on to try and make her realise how beautiful she was and when she did some of the excitement left there relationship... they,ve since split but are still mates and shes gone on to do dominatrixing lol. 
From my perspective I find it agonizing dating girls who dont find themselves in the least bit attractive as it almost feels like they're looking down at you for having such weird tastes its almost like they're using you as a scratching post for their insecurities or reason to get thinner. I hate having compliments shoved in my face as it feels almost embarrasing, the worst case being a girl who I was lying down in bed with and she got argumentative when I placed my hand on her (only little) belly. I consider my taste in women a big part of me as it something I can identify with from my early teens creeping downstairs to look at the BBW and SSBBW groups on the home computer (boy was my face red when my mom found that in the history ). I find it amazingly troubling to be with girls who cant see their own beauty and I thuink as a labour of love life is too short!


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## BBW MeganLynn44DD (Oct 7, 2006)

Lately with my luck, I'll take any guy I can get!


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 7, 2006)

BBW MeganLynn44DD said:


> Lately with my luck, I'll take any guy I can get!



when I read this I cracked up at work 
Im right behind u on this one


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## BigCutieSasha (Oct 8, 2006)

I would rather only date FA's now that I have had the chance to be with one. At least being a girl who is comfortable with her body it made so many things so much easier. Eating as much as I wanted and not worring about what he was thinking. Shopping for clothes was fun with an FA. And I didn't feel self concious when being intimate. I liked being looked at as a girl he liked all around, inside and out. With non FA's I've dated they were "able to look past my weight" and like my personality only. So, I think I will be going for strickly FA's.


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## GeorgeNL (Oct 8, 2006)

For us FAs this one delighting thread to read!



Butterbelly said:


> I, too, have been with both non-FAs and FAs. I prefer to be with a FA. There is something about the way a FA looks at me, and touches me that a non-FA could never really understand. Granted, I've dated some non-FAs who thought I was gorgeous, but not in the same way a FA does.



This summarizes it all I think. 
For the same reason, I think we FAs are not really suited for a thin woman, because that extra attraction we feel for a BBW isn't really there. While probably non FAs do feel that attraction for a thin woman. 

In other words, we FAs are "made for bbw"


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 8, 2006)

GeorgeNL said:


> In other words, we FAs are "made for bbw"



I like this.. it should be in your signature


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## GeorgeNL (Oct 8, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> I like this.. it should be in your signature



Yes, I should actually put that on my T-shirt, with of course an outline of the curvy shape of a bbw. But would the Dutch guess the meaning of BBW?

George


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## Lovelyone (Oct 8, 2006)

Labels, I can take them or leave them. If you ask 100 people to define what FA/SSBBW stands for, you will have 100 different definitions. As for a man approaching me at the grocery store and asking me out...I am an SSBBW, +500 lbs. Men that would ask me out are the ones that first SEE me....then talk to me--meaning that he is first attracted to my abundance. The mere fact that a man approached me in public, while I was in my sweat pants, no make-up, Little Debbie's and potato chips loaded into my cart--without having previously talked to me--would tell me that he found my size or shape attractive. What gives me shape and size? My fat gives me my shape and size--thus I would presume that this man was either an FA or a feeder. Its not a common experience that a non-FA would approach a woman of my (dare I say) voluptuousness...or perhaps overly rubenesque proportions. I have curves in places that I shouldn't and more rolls than a skate park. I would hope that the man who approaches me would come talk to me cos he found my outside beautiful...but ask me out because he found my mind, humor, intellect, conversation skills, and just plain stubbornness intriguing.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 9, 2006)

I'm trying to be open minded about the whole thing but to be honest there's just nothing like an FA. Seriously, to accept any less is like eating dessert made with artificial sweetener. Where's the sugar? It's just not the same buzz to me.


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## GeorgeNL (Oct 9, 2006)

Lovelyone said:


> Labels, I can take them or leave them. If you ask 100 people to define what FA/SSBBW stands for, you will have 100 different definitions. As for a man approaching me at the grocery store and asking me out...I am an SSBBW, +500 lbs. Men that would ask me out are the ones that first SEE me....then talk to me--meaning that he is first attracted to my abundance. The mere fact that a man approached me in public, while I was in my sweat pants, no make-up, Little Debbie's and potato chips loaded into my cart--without having previously talked to me--would tell me that he found my size or shape attractive. What gives me shape and size? My fat gives me my shape and size--thus I would presume that this man was either an FA or a feeder. Its not a common experience that a non-FA would approach a woman of my (dare I say) voluptuousness...or perhaps overly rubenesque proportions. I have curves in places that I shouldn't and more rolls than a skate park. I would hope that the man who approaches me would come talk to me cos he found my outside beautiful...but ask me out because he found my mind, humor, intellect, conversation skills, and just plain stubbornness intriguing.



Of course he is an FA! And if eye contact brings a big smile (and a blush) on his face, there may be more. 
Although it is pure physical attraction, it is the initial trigger that helps us making that first contact. If it follewed by mental attraction as well, I think it is really time to open your arms. But be aware that in the arms of a SSBBW, many FAs have tendency to melt...


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## Jes (Oct 9, 2006)

metalheadFA said:


> Theres too few girls in this world with that attitude.
> 
> Not speaking for myself but from a bandmate who dated a very large girl a couple of years back after years of them being freinds he actually found it a real turn on to try and make her realise how beautiful she was and when she did some of the excitement left there relationship... they,ve since split but are still mates and shes gone on to do dominatrixing lol.
> !


See, I find this very dysfunctional, and I think it's some of the reason FAs who say they want fat women who love themselves keep dating women who don't. And it makes me crazy in the head. It's just another way of exerting control, I think.


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## GeorgeNL (Oct 9, 2006)

Jes said:


> See, I find this very dysfunctional, and I think it's some of the reason FAs who say they want fat women who love themselves keep dating women who don't. And it makes me crazy in the head. It's just another way of exerting control, I think.



Could be. But in the past I had a negative self image myself, and that annoyed my friends a lot. At a certain moment they simply refused to tolerate that side of me any longer. At first I pretended to be more positive, but later on I also became a lot more positive. It is for everyone different of course, but not all of us men are control freaks.


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## Jes (Oct 9, 2006)

GeorgeNL said:


> Could be. But in the past I had a negative self image myself, and that annoyed my friends a lot. At a certain moment they simply refused to tolerate that side of me any longer. At first I pretended to be more positive, but later on I also became a lot more positive. It is for everyone different of course, but not all of us men are control freaks.


i think we're talking about different things, george and i'm not gonna get into it.


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