# What being an FA made me into



## Tad (Nov 11, 2009)

A little while ago I started a thread, half-humorously, called "What made me into an FA" (here: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65599 ) 

But these things are two way streets. Being an FA no doubt changed me in its own way. Of course it is really hard to seperate what came from being an FA versus everything that was otherwise part of me. It is like asking what your left arm can do (which would be nothing, if not for the rest of you).

Anyway, here is my quick stab at this, and I invite others to make their own contribution:

- it made me aware of how much people differ, and how important it is to both respect those differences and to simply accept them.

- it made me a little bit better off financially, because in my late teens/early twenties I didn't blow nearly as much money as friends did on porn (since there was none for me)

- it made me into a better cook, because I figured that the women I wanted to date would probably enjoy food, so I set out to learn how to cook more than ramen noodles.

- It made me a little worse off financially, because the learning to cook bit took a while, so that when I did start dating I took my girlfriend out to dinner more than I could really afford, because I loved to see her enjoy food.

- It made me more aware of women's clothing, because of sharing her challenges finding nice clothes.

- It made me into someone with broader tastes in fiction, because as a teen I branched out from science-fiction to find any book discussing being fat as a young woman, because I wanted to understand what they might be going through. In the process I just learned a lot about people in general, and how you didn't need a fantastic setting to have a fantastic story.

- It made me more educated on nutrition, because I was trying to understand the health issues of being fat, and a lot of that may have to do with what you eat. In turn this has made me healthier.

- It has made me more aware of various groups that are often invisible in society, after hearing that complaint from various BBW. In turn this has made me a nicer and more gracious citizen, as I make more effort now to acknowledge those people.

- It has made me ever so slightly less trusting of strangers, because weird anti-fat comments can pop out of the most unlikely mouths.

- It has made me much more distant from one of my childhood friends, as he's gotten more vocally anti-fat as he's gotten older and more curmudgeonly.

- It has made me much more aware of the degree of slope on roads and paths, and where there are staircases without other options.

- It has made me more addicted to the web that I probably would have been anyway, as it is on the web that I can find places like Dimensions where I can actually talk about being an FA. 

PHEW! I'm sure there are more, but that is what I could think of off the top of my head.
*
So, what has being an FA made YOU?​*


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## musicman (Nov 14, 2009)

That's a great list, Tad, and a clever topic for a thread. I especially agree with the following in your list:



Tad said:


> - it made me aware of how much people differ, and how important it is to both respect those differences and to simply accept them.
> 
> - It made me more aware of women's clothing, because of sharing her challenges finding nice clothes.
> 
> ...




Here a few more that popped into my mind:

It has made me more aware of many aspects of human psychology, such as the importance of self-esteem and what happens when you don't have any. It has also been very painful for me to learn why some people don't have any (see next item).

It has made me aware of how cruel some parents can be to their own children. I grew up in a happy home, and naively assumed that all kids did. The harrassment that some fat kids, especially girls, face from their own parents is appalling to me.

In addition to the stairs item you mentioned, it has made me become aware of whether the chairs have arms in restaurants, doctors' waiting rooms, etc. Also whether chairs, beds, and toilet seats are sturdy enough, whether the tables in restaurants are far enough apart, whether cars have enough room in them, and many other things. It has also made me aware of how clueless most people are when you ask them about these things (since it's not a problem to them), and made me really appreciate those few people out there who "get it".

It has made me aware of the enormous power of the media in shaping the attitudes of people, and the fact that most people are basically sheep who like only what the media tells them to like. Which might be OK, but the sheep will go to great lengths to rationalize their "choice" of following the herd. They denigrate anyone who has a different preference, since they are in desperate need of validation for the default "choice" they made.

It has made me less trusting of doctors and other so-called "medical professionals", since it is obvious that some of them will not hesitate to butcher people for their own profit (WLS, anyone?), and lie about their "success rates" all the way to the bank.

On the (somewhat) positive side, it has made me laugh when the media talks about some female celebrity who has "ballooned to a dangerous 180 pounds", or is "flirting with death at 200+". Also when CSI claims that a 300-pound woman could smother a man to death by rolling over on him in her sleep, and that he would be powerless to push her off (from that ridiculous episode a couple years ago).

I look forward to hearing other FA's lists.


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## GTAFA (Nov 14, 2009)

Excuse me for stating the obvious but I think to be an FA is to see things differently. Maybe that's an impact on me, but I am more inclined to think that any FA sees things this way. I think that to be an FA is to be different in some fundamental ways.

One doesn't see beauty the same way, in any arena. If a SSBBW is beautiful, that problematizes how one looks at everyone from Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie to the BBW icons one encounteras at Dimensions. It also suggests a different relationship to norms and peer pressure. (obviously i can't include the so-called "closet FA" in this, because clearly they do allow peer pressure to change their behaviour; but i don't believe a closet FA is an FA).

One doesn't see size the same way. If being BIG is conflated with beauty, one won't have the phobic reactions of those who think big isn't attractive, let alone those who are so horrible as to say big is ugly (argh, i hated typing such words). Size is relative, so it means we also see smallness differently too. 

I'd like to think being an FA breaks down the tendency to be a bigot in all areas; but i suspect that will simply sound like idealistic silliness. Even so, that's what i think fat admiration has done for me: changed my aesthetics, my morality, the way i connect to the physical world and the people in it. I think it changes everything, the way i hear music, the way i play music, the way i breathe...

Excuse me if this is inarticulate, but i am thinking out loud, figuring it out as i go.


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## rollhandler (Nov 21, 2009)

I heartily agree and include myself in with most of Tads list but rather than simply agree with it I add my own spin and experiences to it.

-It has helped me learn how to treat people better and be more accepting of differences.
Being FA means being different and being treated different. In my case since I have displayed FA behaviours at such an early age I liken the treatment by others in regards to myself as being very similar as to how fat people get treated in todays society. I may not have been fat but was treated with the same type of ridicule for my size and behavior. Since I have always been ridiculed for being different I also have a thicker skin when I do something specific to the needs of her size and get made fun of for doing it. Or, even being made fun of for simply being open about my preference.

-It has helped me see beauty differently.
Everyone is beautiful, some to you, others to someone else.

-It has helped me be a more articulate person and a better writer of thoughts feelings and experiences.
Since finding fat admiration sites of various types back in 1997, I have written a virtual novel if all the pages were printed and bound on all manner of topics relative to size. The feedback received has taught me much about how words are perceived and how to order them and choose them to better convey the ideas being presented.

-It has also made me a voracious consumer of any material that might educate me on issues relating to size, psychologically, physically, or emotionally to better be a more supportive and understanding partner to my mate.

-Although I am no better off financially, I am more ambitious, and more financially responsible with a higher degree of work ethic.
Since I did not start dating until much later in life, when all the other teen workers were asking for time off, I was asking to take their hours. Since I had no early social life I was working full time at age 14, doing odd jobs as well as being employed by a company. I was living independently by age 16 buying everything needed on my own and maintaining a lifestyle of housing, transportation and clothing without outside financial assistance.

-As an FA I have become a better problem solver, and more understanding and flexible when things don't go according to plan.

-I can identify durable or substandard furnishings at a glance. Height of an item in relation to ease of standing after sitting is also important.

-I can repair and make more durable many other pieces of furniture, and household items.

-It has made me more aware and empathetic to the needs of others. 
BBWs have needs and those needs don't take holidays. I have learned to anticipate and negate many pitfalls by Identifying, and taking care of many of those needs in advance of their being needed. If that means getting up an hour or so earlier to be sure there is a path dug and salt down on slippery surfaces on snow days, then so be it. If that means getting out of the car and laying down salt for traction in public before she exits the car then I better have a bag in the trunk and be quick about it, her safety comes first.

-I can Identify a womans clothing size by sight over size 12 up to 40 with a fair degree of accuracy although I have no clue of petite sizing ranges when I see them.

-I have also learned to identify a durable piece of clothing and know what stores carry them, and more understanding when her clothing doesn't last as long as mine do.

-It has made me a more creative cook and an excellent baker.
It has made me more aware of flavor, and nutrition in cooking.

-It has made me acutely aware of terrain and hazards in terrain inside and outside of the house, knowing that if my mate trips or falls there will be more physical damage to her body than to a thinner person. I have also become a master of spacial dynamics with regards to people of size and the obstacles and paths they need to navigate in public and in the home.

-It has made me aware at a glance if a place of business has equipment designed to accommodate a larger person, or if patronizing a business will create an atmosphere of possible embarrassment, due to design, furnishings, aisle space, and ease of entry or egress.

-It has made me learn to park better knowing that she will need to have her door fully open to enter and exit the car and being off center will embarrass her trying to get in or out, or make it more difficult or impossible.

-I am more attuned to the physical health of my mate, as well as identifying things that will alter it by circumstance or situation.

-I have learned to take life at a more leisurely pace, knowing that she will need more frequent breaks on hectic days and during lengthy walking intensive events. As such I am better at time management as well.

-It has made me more attuned to the mechanical health of the car she drives knowing that in the event of a breakdown she cannot get out and walk miles to the nearest service station, and that people are less likely to stop to give aid.

-I am a more understanding partner to my mate.

-Being an FA means that even though she may not always understand why or believe me she needs to hear often how attractive I find her body to be as well as my perception of her as a woman, and my actions had better back those words up, every day, at all times.

-I have become a more chivalrous partner.

-Having an SSBBW in my life means I have had to learn to be more communicative and creative sexually.

-It has made me a snappier dresser, since others will judge her based on our appearance, mine included. 

The same as Tads, this is a basic and incomplete list. 

Rollhandler


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## Jon Blaze (Nov 24, 2009)

-Well I essentially found the FA school of thought and Size Acceptance school at the same time, but I might not have learned of either had I not learned about this community.

- I could relate to the porn thing while I was growing up, but lately I waste it on big women and thin women, so I'm broke as F***. lol 

- Size Acceptance and it no doubt had a positive effect on my body image, and the messages that I promote to others.

-Health Science (And lots of it!)

- Racial equality was something that was advocated in my happily mixed home. It in essence gave birth to my size acceptance views, which helped with my views on sexual preferences in general. Of course I had help from interacting with gays, lesbians, and bisexuals in high school, but the former was at least some of the beginning until I started to actually interact.

That's all for now.


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## MrRabbit (Dec 5, 2009)

There are probably many things I could add, but I think these are the most important for now:
- It made me insecure when I was young
- It made me stronger when I overcame these insecurities when I got older
- It made me think much more than the average person about who I am
- It increased my emotional intelligence so much by reading many personal stories on the internet
- It gave me much better psychological insight
- It helped me to see life from a BBW perspective
- I have a strong biomedical background and being an FA probably gave me better knowledge on obesity than the average medical professional
- Sadly, it also keeps me single much longer because it is more difficult to find a partner (there are not many BBWs here in Europe)
- I am sure it also made me into the warm, gentle, caring, cuddly person that my friends tell me I am!


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## chicken legs (Jan 9, 2010)

I love you Tad, because you and everyone else really hit the nail on the head. Maybe I will post later after I have thought about it.


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## joswitch (Jan 17, 2010)

Great thread! Yay!


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## disconnectedsmile (Jan 19, 2010)

Tad said:


> *
> So, what has being an FA made YOU?​*


being an FA made me into an advocate of fat acceptance.
if not for discovering the world of Fat Admiration, i'd never have learned of the message of Fat Acceptance.


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## bmann0413 (Jan 23, 2010)

Tad said:


> A little while ago I started a thread, half-humorously, called "What made me into an FA" (here: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65599 )
> 
> But these things are two way streets. Being an FA no doubt changed me in its own way. Of course it is really hard to seperate what came from being an FA versus everything that was otherwise part of me. It is like asking what your left arm can do (which would be nothing, if not for the rest of you).
> 
> ...



Amazing Rep Given!


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## Gspoon (Jan 24, 2010)

Well, there are plenty of things


Being an FA has made me more of who I am as a whole. My deepest darkest secret for a long time was that I liked women who were bigger. The fact that I could branch out and let people know I am attracted to bigger women made me realize that there is a ton of other crap that is meant to be kept secret. My taste in girls is not something that should be kept secret

It has made me a bit more distasteful toward other non fat friendly things. I mean, I love roller coaster parks. But I don't want to bring a BBW to a roller coaster park if she cannot fit into the seats. That isn't distasteful as it is rather annoying for the both of us. But commercials for weight loss crap makes me want to spit.

It has made me think differently to the female figure all together. The regular thin female shape does nothing for me now, and I like it that way. But it even makes me want to turn away from watching a Girls Gone Wild commercial, which lots of guys probably do not do.

It has made me realize a lot of BBWs ask me "What do my friends/parents think" about me being an FA. I don't care what they think. I think that BBWs are lovely and if they care about me, they will not judge.

It has made me look at a girls belly before I look into some of their eyes. (Believe me ladies, I really want to look into your eyes when we first meet... but sometimes your belly owns and my eyes will glimpse at it for a fraction of a second)

It has made my mind set that I feel I cannot have sex with a thin girl. I suppose the math of this is such. I will never really go out of my way to date a girl who is thin. I think some are drop dead gorgeous... but I can never see it happening. Now, that does not mean should the BBW I am dating for said event lost weight to the point where she was thin that I would dump her. Not at all. I can love someone at 550+ lbs and someone at 100+ lbs. Love is love.

It has made me realize more about diets, what's good and what is bad. And how I can maintain a healthy lifestyle for myself and keep said BBW healthy and fat. I know how the body works with digesting, what is acidic and all sorts of different things about food that I normally would have over looked.

It has made me more open to marijuana. Ok, my feeder side kicked in on this one. Sure, I can find it hot if a girl smokes a joint and decides to eat a mountain of fast food. But it has also made me get out of my swing of being a constant buzz kill, not liking weed or booze. Now I can actually maintain a cool profile at a party, with my finger wrapped around a belt loop of a big bodied woman, holding her close to me.


Lots of stuff has come up since I became a full blown FA. I love it, being an FA not only is a great thing for me... but I actually feel I would be a lesser person without my attraction to fat girls.


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## Ben from England (Jan 24, 2010)

Hmmm. Having as preference outside the mainstream helped me to keep an open mind and made me more cautious to self identify as anything when it comes to sexual preferences. I read a post on these boards once that crystallized this slightly nebulous point concerning men who identify themselves as being attracted to thin women, only to end up with a fat woman and being equally as satisfied. I have many friends who are like this, they define their sexuality and yet when they are confronted with something that they shouldn’t find attractive (not necessarily size) based on their criteria and desired identity, they still do. They shouldn't like it, but they do. Of course, the same can be true for FA’s. 

It is comfortable to be able to attach labels to everything, to find others and herd. Shades of grey can be confusing and lonely. How often do you hear that the hardest part of being gay, liking fat people or even being fat is that sense of isolation and difference? Then that person finds a culture or label that they are comfortable with, one that seems to fit thier idea of themselves, and able to define themselves a bit easier. Labels can be limiting, though, as our own egos and desires to define ourselves can narrow our horizons. 

Anyway, this introspective trajectory is probably owed to my liking of the fat girls.


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## superodalisque (Jan 24, 2010)

great thread and a lovely read


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## JaytheFA (Feb 1, 2010)

- MAKES SEWING FOR SSBBWS REALLY EXCITING

- TAUGHT ME HOW TO PICK THE MOST COMFORTABLE ESTABLISHMENTS

- TAUGHT ME HOW MUCH SSBBWS...HATE STARES...AND STAIRS

- TAUGHT ME THE ART OF LIFTING A PERSON OFF THE COUCH

- TAUGHT ME THAT WHEN I LOOSE LITTLE ITEMS AROUND THE HOUSE..ALWAY CHECK UNDER MY WOMANS FAT ASS FIRST...(SOMETIMES I FIND MY KEYS AND LOOSE CHANGE EVEN)

- TAUGHT ME THE CRUELTY ON HOW HOSPITALS TREAT SSBBWS

- PUT ALOTTA DENTS IN MY MATTRESS (WHICH NOW IM AN EXPERT SHIFTER)


JAYTHEFA
WWW.TRUEFA.BIZ


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## furious styles (Feb 2, 2010)

even more bitter towards most people


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## exile in thighville (Feb 2, 2010)

oops logged in as furious styles again


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## Wild Zero (Feb 2, 2010)

Made me really into watching _Gilmore Girls_


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## Amarillowave (Feb 2, 2010)

it contributed to me getting fat also. It's difficult to refrain from endulging when you are encouraging your partner to do so. Plus, its hard to get motivated to take it off.

as a result, I've gone from a 32" waist and 160lbs to 36"(and tight) and 195lbs after being married to a beautiful BBW for a number of years. So, I'm not complaining. She kind of likes my fat belly.


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## name2come (Feb 2, 2010)

Being an FA didn't make me fat. It gave me the tools to accept my body when I did get fat, though, and for that I am so grateful.


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## furious styles (Feb 2, 2010)

Wild Zero said:


> Made me really into watching _Gilmore Girls_



it was _friends_ for me. so i thought it was like, something with fat girls and _friends_. then i realized it was just humans and _friends_.


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## exile in thighville (Feb 2, 2010)

yeah my bitty likes friends too

serious fatty show


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## furious styles (Feb 3, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> yeah my bitty likes friends too
> 
> serious fatty show



that must be because fat people have no _friends_.


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## furious styles (Feb 3, 2010)




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## exile in thighville (Feb 3, 2010)

yeah probably


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