# Thoughts on finally accepting yourself big



## Dave0062007 (Feb 3, 2007)

I haven't posted here in a long, long time. So long in fact, that I've forgotten my old username and password.

I got married to a beautiful and wonderful girl back in November 2005. We had dated since we were juniors in high school (back in 2001). Yes, you're math is right... we're young. We're both about to turn 23. High school sweethearts and we dated for 4 1/2 years.

While we dated I gradually began accepting my taste in really big women. My wife had always struggled with her weight but this information this slowly changed her dieting and exercising habits. She's 5'3 and I watched her gain about 40lbs during the 4 years we dated. I loved it. She didn't seem to mind... she was glad I loved her expanding figure.

Some husbands complain that marriage causes their wife to gain weight, but I seem to be having the opposite problem. My wife's weight edged a little higher during the first months of marriage, but I think something in her brain snapped, because she's been dieting on and off (more on) since. She's down 5lbs from when we got married and her goal is 15lbs more. I know this from sneaking a peak at her dieting journal... I know, I know, believe me, I truly regret it.

Anyway, her journal over the past months is interesting. She has a REALLY tough time losing and a really easy time gaining. Example: she dieted/exercised from Aug-Nov and lost only 10lbs. The holidays led to a December break in dieting and she gained all 10lbs back in 4 weeks. Now she's on her sixth week of dieting again and has only lost 5lbs with no end in sight. I know she's getting really frustrated and her frustration is compounded with the knowledge that I would love more--not less--of her.

I have really mixed feelings. On the one hand, I want her to be happy. On the other hand... my preference (I've realized and accepted over the past few years) would be for her to put on about 75-100 more pounds. I doubt that will ever happen, but that's me being honest. She's beautiful now, of course. 

I see so many of you confident women on this board and I wonder, "at what point did they become ok with their weight?" Have you always been ok with your weight? Is it a daily choice? Was it a process? Just part of growing older and maturing? Have you gone through phases of embracing and phases of rejecting?

She's always struggled with her weight and I thought she was accepting it until about 6 months into our marriage when the twinkies stopped and Weight Watchers started. I'd love for my wife to accept herself bigger. I suppose she does to some extent, because her goal is not to lose all her weight and get back to where she was when we first started dating. But I'm just growing really tired of watching her diet and exercise... lol, this isn't the girl I married!

Here's us in summer 2002 and us again in Dec 2006. Don't ask me how I snagged such a hottie! I still haven't figure that one out.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Feb 5, 2007)

Acceptance comes with age and maturity...I know it is a cliche but it is also the truth..

Growing up changes your outlook on life,it makes you realize there is more to life then just looking good in a pair of size 10 jeans..

If she has a great support system(which it sounds like she does have) then she will get there faster..Just hang in there and before long she will have her light bulb moment..


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## Tad (Feb 5, 2007)

I went through a similar thing with my wife. During the four years that we dated she gained nearly seventy pounds, but after less than a year of marriage (and another ten pounds) she started talking about having to change lifestyle, control her weight, etc. In her case she gained another ten before she managed to turn things around, losing first about fifteen, then being stable for years, and recently another fifteen or so, and shed like to lose another fifteen to twenty. (for those confused by all the numbers, shes thinner now than when we got married, and would like to get down to around where she was when we got engaged, which is to say pretty much right out of the plus sizes).

Ive heard a few others on the boards/in chat go through something similar over the years. Naturally I have a theory.

When you are dating or engaged, your view is fairly short term. Are we working out, will we get engaged, will we get married, planning the wedding, etc. Your focus is on pleasing your partner and enjoying things. But once the honeymoon is over, your timeline stretches outat the very least you start wrestling with if and when to have kids, and your thoughts may stretch out through old age. At which point I love eating and he loves my chubbiness begins to lose out to there are higher levels of baby complications with obese moms, I cant imagine chasing after a toddler at this weight, I need to start thinking about my blood pressure and cholesterol, will my weight impede my career, and so on. That is, the romantic, honey-moon period begins to lose out to practicality. Not with everyone, Im surebut it happens with a lot of people.

I think in that situation the best you can do is encourage her to focus on good health above weight loss. That is, healthy eating and being active leading to feeling good and being healthy, rather than on the more obvious target of weight loss. 

-Ed
PS. You make an adorable couple!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 5, 2007)

"Accepting myself big" has been helping me to overcome my compulsive over-eating urges, I have noticed recently. It's nice not to eat stuff I don't want to eat and to eat whatever I want when I want. Such logic I have never known.....


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## activistfatgirl (Feb 5, 2007)

Hi there! How open have you been with her about what you like? You should talk with her about this right away if you haven't. There's just so much internalized pressure to be thin, it's always possible a perspective that says "I'd enjoy you fatter, actually" could change her mind. 

Either way its her body and her decision, as you know! She really is gorgeous. The two of you together are striking. You look so young and hopeful. I'm not much older, but I don't have that sparkle!


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## Dr. Feelgood (Feb 5, 2007)

I don't have that sparkle! [/QUOTE]

Yes, you do. You just don't notice it because you're on the inside.


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## Dave0062007 (Feb 16, 2007)

activistfatgirl said:


> How open have you been with her about what you like? You should talk with her about this right away if you haven't. There's just so much internalized pressure to be thin, it's always possible a perspective that says "I'd enjoy you fatter, actually" could change her mind.



Sorry that it's taken so long to respond. Life has been nuts.

I've been _extremely_ transparent with her as I've come to grips with my fat admiration. I'm sure she would never have let herself "go" this much if there wasn't positive reinforcement. I just wish she could like herself bigger than the 180lb ceiling she's hit. Anything above that right now is diet motivation.

It's weird... she's slipped off her diet for the past 3 weeks or so, and I think she's gained back some weight. She's snacking regularly, but her WW journal (if I remember) shows frustration with her size as recently as right before she fell off the dieting train. I hate seeing that conflict in her... the frustration about her body pitted against the difficulty losing weight, all with a FA husband (who is not saying a negative word) making the whole thing more complicated because she knows I like what she's trying to lose. Ladies, does this pattern sound familiar to _anyone_?

I'm trying to be supportive and loving. We've got a great relationship, but this whole not being on the same page what size she looks best at is annoying. 



activistfatgirl said:


> She really is gorgeous. The two of you together are striking. You look so young and hopeful. I'm not much older, but I don't have that sparkle!



Thanks for the compliments. I know she's gorgeous. I lucked up completely!


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## Dave0062007 (Feb 17, 2007)

I suppose my question (yes there was a point to the rambling) would be this:

How did you ladies accept yourselves big? What's yout story? Have you always been heavy and liked it? Always heavy and gradually accepted it? Did you gain weight and love it? Gain weight and hate it? I'd love to hear if there are some ladies who hated it and gradually began embracing it and what that process was like... because that sounds most like what my wife will have to go through if she's ever going to accept herself big.

I'd love for my wife to be as big and confident as you ladies, but I'm wondering how to help her get there.


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## bigplaidpants (Feb 17, 2007)

Dave,

I'm glad you set yourself out there. As for your latest "clarifying the question" post, I'm not a lady whose been on this journey. But, I'm married to one who has. 

Similar to you, she always knew I liked her big. And, unfortunately, my desire for her bigger/fatter/more confident, I think, was just more of the same pressure she had gotten her whole life. My desire for her were just the opposite of what she internalized from her mother, culture, etc. Thin=Good. Fat=bad.

Like you, we loved each other, so we walked together in this subtle tension for years. Our commitment and love filled the gaps. We built a foundation on which to build trust and a good marriage. Most of this time she resisted by overtures about being bigger, etc., but not to spite me. She just had resisted expectations for her body her whole life. Her body wasn't "hers" yet. I still ache when I think about what this experience is like. Speaking from the outside, in a male body, I think, many women don't experience their bodies as belonging to them. Female bodies belong first to their family, then society, other men, the medical profession, God (who, of course, never made anyone fat), whatever.

It wasn't until she said, "I'M GONNA EAT WHATEVER IN THE HELL I WANT!" that she really began to feel free. She was free to be herself, big...or small, if that was what body wanted. But, knowing her fat was like a power she could wield over me, with my encouragement she knew that enjoying food and her body would only enrich the erotic tie between us.

I know you respect her. You express it as such. But, it wasn't until my little BBW's body became _hers_....when she claimed the power to free herself from expectations and eat whatever she wanted that she was able to accept her body doing what it would normally do....which, has been to slowly gain. 

It seems to me, there is no self-confidence - sexual or otherwise - if you can't claim your body as yours.

It's a never-ending walk. I think FA's are responsible to mediate their own desires realizing the ideal never hits reality. It's not just the nature of FA'ism....it's the nature of the erotic.

Anyway, that's my humble treatise. Sorry it's long.

Abstract cyber-love and fatty well-wishes to you both.

bigplaidpants


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## magnoliagrows (Feb 17, 2007)

Hello,

In my journey to take back my body, so to speak, I decided to post here. And, I experienced a lot of wonderful acceptance and talk from the people. (Thanks so much Ed).

I never used that phrase "take back my body," until after I read the above post. But he was right on the money. As I read his post I found myself saying "yeah, that's it." 

I know that a big part of where I am now has been the patience of my partner. His desire to see me happy and healthy, gives me the space to continue to determine what I want to be. We are already married. I don't have the freedom (or desire) to experiment elsewhere. With two small children, I can't run away to find myself. So, the space he can give me is very important to me.

I know one of my fears was that if I gained too much weight that only he would find me attractive and then I would be "stuck" with him. Understand that I never wanted to be with anyone else. But I certainly didn't want to feel "stuck." Of course, this community shows the absurdity of that fear anyway.

A big part of accepting myself is realizing I'm not alone or on the "outside." There is a place where people love and accept me as I am (or bigger  ). I'm still not at a place where I'm going to drink weight gainer shakes or eat every meal until I'm sick, in order to gain weight on purpose. I don't know if I want to get there. But just the acceptance of my 210 lbs. and the willingness to play with the fantasy has helped us both alot.

Peace,
fat_girl_wanna_be


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## kathynoon (Feb 17, 2007)

I never set out to accept my body. I just decided one day that even though I was fat, I should have a fun life filled with friends and dates. I joined the South Jersey of NAAFA as a first step. My goal was to make friends who would not be hung up on my weight. I made some great friends who have become some of my best friends. From there I got involved in NAAFA in other areas and at the national level. Also through there I heard about Dimensions. Reading Dimensions magazine was was started me to believe that my body was okay. I have days now when I really like my body, and days when I wish my body were different. But I like my body more than I dislike it. And my original goal of having a fun life has been accomplished.


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## Tina (Feb 17, 2007)

You will find many answers and wonderful posts here. Take a look.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 17, 2007)

Kudos on approaching this tactfully. 

Your wife is a beautiful woman. (I'm sure you know already. She's just INCREDIBLY beautiful.)

I see how it's strange to live with someone obsessive about weight loss when you really appreciate curves. However, good eating habits and exercise are good for everyone. Is she eating healthily and just exercising in health amounts (a few times a week for 30 to 60 minutes) or does she go batshit crazy with it? The latter's more of a cause for concern.

I'll tell you the truth: Eating healthily and regular exercise will not cause a great deal of long-term weight loss. It possibly won't cause any. It will cause her to maintain her weight for a longer time/gain more slowly as she ages. Most women just aren't capable of losing more than 25 lbs. in a year if they're doing it in a healthy manner. 

And here comes the crash-diet. Lose fast and regain faster. 

My advice: Indulge the FA in you and be supportive. Make healthy meals, enjoy watching her enjoy them, take walks with her, because in the end, you really don't have to worry about her becoming Kate Moss. You can earn points by showing you that you not only love her body, but care for her health and well-being. 

I would guess most women, even on some small level, hate their bodies. We're pretty much conditioned to from birth. I probably hate mine more than most women, but I go through periods where I like, not love, it. I have passing moments of contentment with mine. Go figure.



Dave0062007 said:


> I haven't posted here in a long, long time. So long in fact, that I've forgotten my old username and password.
> 
> I got married to a beautiful and wonderful girl back in November 2005. We had dated since we were juniors in high school (back in 2001). Yes, you're math is right... we're young. We're both about to turn 23. High school sweethearts and we dated for 4 1/2 years.
> 
> ...


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## Dave0062007 (Mar 9, 2007)

It's been a month since I originally posted and I thought I'd give an update:

Over the past month my wife has gone from slacking off on WW points to completely indulging. My guess is she's gained back all the weight she lost and is probably back up to around 185lbs. 

My observations initially were simply a cookie or two while watching TV and her WW journal staying at home instead of going to and from work. Then it progressed to asking me to go get ice cream. It climaxed two days ago when she admitted (after an obvious sugar buzz) that she'd eaten an entire box of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies! 

I guess that shook her up... yesterday and today she's been taking that darn journal and marking up what she's eating. She's also doing the treadmill. 

Ladies (and Gents, if you have insight), are all of you like this!? This seems crazy to me. She spends an entire month indulging (and gaining, it looks and feels like) and then goes back to the diet again. It's really frustrating to me (and I'm sure for her too!). It's almost impossible for me to grab her fat and enjoy it (casually or when making love) when I know that she's trying to lose weight. I'm certain she senses this (unintentional) withdrawal, but just can't enjoy it while she's dieting.

Advice? Thoughts? Experience? Snide comments?

All welcome.


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## Dave0062007 (Mar 12, 2007)

Is the best thing to do simply to be quitely supportive? Both she and I know that I don't like the prospect of her losing weight. Trust me, she knows what I like. Will she just burn herself out on dieting? Should I try to help her lose right now since that's what she wants? Is that really what she wants? 

Diets suck.


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## philosobear (Mar 13, 2007)

I'd draw a line between fat acceptance and body acceptance. Body acceptance can be practised by anyone at any time and any size, and will pay off in happiness, or a less damaging sort of misery. It's a really tangly line for anyone between the pleasure of fantasies and the pain that can be locked up in our relationships with our bodies. I guess the posts above and your own experience are adequate proof of that...if growing acceptance of her own body means growing body...then you've got everything you've dreamed of...and if it means staying the same or doing things that make her lose a bit then at least you've got a no that comes from somewhere you can believe...someone who can tolerate and care for her own body. A little simplistic, perhaps, but sometimes it's worth pretending things are simple, to preserve one's own sanity...


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## Waxwing (Mar 13, 2007)

The thing is that acceptance of self will come about (or not) in some sense regardless of what you tell her. For me I know that it is an internal thing, and something that outside influences can only help so much.

That said-- knowing that the person I loved loved ME AND my body (whatever its size) would go some distance in healing the wounds that cause me pain. 

I think that reading too much into her daily struggles with this is dangerous. We can change views on ourselves minute by minute, so don't put too much stock into what you read. *It may have been answered but I have to ask if you're reading her journal with her permission.*. She can feel differently at 3 pm than she did at 2 pm. Give her time to adapt, and don't take it all as gospel.

As a woman, being okay with who you are (size, breasts, personality, and all) is an ongoing goal. Loving her, and reaffirming that she is beautiful to you, will have some impact.


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## philosobear (Mar 13, 2007)

...and of course it's not simple at all, which is why I'd like you to ignore my post and pay attention to the one immediately after it!


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## spikes (Mar 14, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> The thing is that acceptance of self will come about (or not) in some sense regardless of what you tell her. For me I know that it is an internal thing, and something that outside influences can only help so much.
> 
> That said-- knowing that the person I loved loved ME AND my body (whatever its size) would go some distance in healing the wounds that cause me pain.
> 
> ...



Kudos to you waxwing.


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## crazygrad (Mar 14, 2007)

I wonder if some of her feelings about her weight aren't physical as well psychological? I know for me only part of my discomfort was mental and some was physical. My knees were sore, my back ached all the time. In the summer, my feet swelled so much I only had one or two pairs of shoes that fit. My hands were swollen and I couldn't wear the rings I had. It made all the harder to accept myself mentally when I felt so crappy physically. This might not be a part of your wife's issues, but it was a factor for me.


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## Dave0062007 (Mar 15, 2007)

I appreciate what you said, Waxwing. I do get way caught up in her daily struggles. In fact, in the past few days she has completely fallen off the diet train (again) and is eating quite a bit. 

I suppose a better perspective would be to look at her weight and body image since we've been together (six years). She started at around 140lbs and is now around 180-185lbs. She's dieted (sometimes perhaps half-heartedly) quite a number of times, but has never really lost much and kept it off for any length of time. 

Years ago when she wore a size 8 she said that she would NEVER wear a size 18. Now, she's got a few size 16s in her closet, which is pretty darn close. It seems like her definition of "too big" has gotten pushed further up.

Forty pounds in 6 years is great, I suppose. Years ago, she had a particular picture of herself that she hated because it made her look "fat." I found that picture a few days ago and was shocked. She looks REALLY thin in that "fat" picture compared with now. I attached that picture along with a recent one. It's striking how her definition of "fat" has changed. Or maybe she doesn't mind the weight as much anymore. Either way, it's amazing that she seems to like her body more now (or at least obess less) than when she was thinner. That's progress, I suppose.

I guess my curiosity is with ladies who have been down a similar road. Who have pushed the "too big" line higher and higher. Did you obess less and get comfortable with your body and then let the pounds come if they do? Personally I'd love to see my wife gain 70-80lbs more, but I absolutely do not pressure or even suggest that... it's just what I think it would look good on her.

I'm glad for everyone's input because it's helped me see that this really is about her claiming her own body and being happy with it. 

I'd love to hear more.




The "fat" picture from years ago.




A picture from this past Chrismas.


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## magnoliagrows (Mar 15, 2007)

Dave0062007 said:


> I guess my curiosity is with ladies who have been down a similar road. Who have pushed the "too big" line higher and higher. Did you obess less and get comfortable with your body and then let the pounds come if they do? Personally I'd love to see my wife gain 70-80lbs more, but I absolutely do not pressure or even suggest that... it's just what I think it would look good on her.



I know the only way my husband and I were able to mediate this was through brutal honesty. He said he loved me but described what being big did for him sexually and how when I was thinner, he just didn't feel the same level of desire. I made a conscious decision out of my own desire to have a full marriage to come to terms with my body, weight and weight gain. I have found that it has been a long journey (more than ten years) but we've come so much closer. He is my best friend and I've been able to be his because we've talked about this issue as two friends would. First and foremost, we each want the other to be fullfilled and happy. It is mutual. For instance, I'm not a FFA. I prefer men to be a little soft around the edges I guess but mainly solid. So, he has agreed to do 5 push ups for every Peanut Butter Cup/Twix Bar (or whatever) that I eat.  It's kind of fun that way.


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## jdbert (Nov 3, 2007)

Sorry this is a long post, I feel that perhaps I have finally found the right place. Not really comfortable yet about actually doing an introduction post. Maybe this is my coming out post?
I have always found myself attracted to much taller, bigger women, for as long as I can remember. ( I am 6' and about 185#)
In college I dated a girl who was about 5'4" 130# and she is one of my best friends 20 years later but I still feel bad about never having been crazy about her in a sexual way.
It is hard going against cultural "norms", wanting to be with a woman much larger than myself. I am not small and am a "manly" man in every way except in what turns me on sexually.
Now, I consider myself one of the luckiest men in the world, my wife of 6 years is 6'4" and a big boned 210, she makes my head spin! Over the past 6 years I have encouraged her to wear heels, she has a pair of 5" foam sandals that are comfortable for her to wear around the yard and house, but it is very distracting when she wears them, I can't keep my hands off her! She admits that she likes being tall but 3" shoes are as much as she is comfortable wearing in public. What is hard for her is her being much taller , but especially bigger than myself (a man!) while in public. 
What has taken a lot of conversation and time is encouraging her to ignore the looks and especially the comments from her Mother about gaining weight.
My wife dangerously lost weight with our first two children, and we had to push food and protein shakes on her for her third pregnancy. She finally gained about 10 pounds and after the birth of our third beautiful boy doesnt' want to get "fat".
I have discovered that I really prefer her with some padding, she is even nicer to snuggle, and find myself fantasizing about her gaining more weight. We had a really good conversation about this last nite, and although she just laughed when I told her I thought 260 would be a nice sexy compromise weight (I am scared to tell her 310), the emotional closeness we shared in talking about it has been wonderful, even though my crazy mind wants bigger, bigger, bigger.

For me, I still have not discovered the reasons why I get turned on with her being much taller (wish I could glue those heels on her feet) and now find myself fantasizing about her getting larger too! I dont want to push my fantasies on her too hard becase I am afraid she will reject them, but so far she has been very wonderful about accomodating my unusualness.

I would appreciate insight and advice from anyone with serious comments please.


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## bexy (Nov 5, 2007)

*for me its not about numbers, lets get that out of the way to begin with. im not concerned with how much i weigh, how much i should lose, how much i want to weigh etc and once i realised that i felt a lot more comfortable with myself.

secondly, dieting does not work. lets face it, it doesnt. it never has and it never will. a diet only works whilst you are on said diet. if you stop said diet and return to eating the way you did previously you will gain weight. so if your lovely wife is serious about losing weight, (not that i think she shold ofc) dieting is not the best way to do it and will only make her feel bad about herself each time she "falls off the wagon".

i have so many friends who are size 8, 10 , 12 who hate their bodies. and me, size 24 who loves mine. why? its my mindset.
ive found the person i want to be with for the rest of my life and he adores my body. i like the way i look and feel, the way i fill out clothes and the fact that i look different and stand out. and i know im in good health, why would i want to lose weight? what are my reasons for and against? i can think a lot of reasons against but none for, so what are your wife's reasons?

its maybe different for her as she has experienced life as a smaller size. apart from childhood i havent. so i dont know any different than being fat.

so what is it your wife liked about being a smaller size? is it physical or is it mental? if its a mental thing the chances are the same feelings can be acheived at the size she is now, if she wants them to be. if its physical then of course they cant be.

if a woman is unhappy with herself, regardless of how she looks, there is often not much that can be done to convince them other wise.
obviously you are very much in love and look really good together, she is gorgeous and that wont change whether she gains or doesnt gain. constant reassurance, compliments and love will go a long way in relaxing her into her own body and self. 
all the best of luck with ur married life and let us all know how you get on.

bexy xo*


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## Suze (Nov 5, 2007)

Does your wife know that you are talking about her/showing pics of her on this site? 
If not, I would be seriously freaked out if my husband did a similar thing :huh:

I guess a lot of people are turned on by you coming back and forth talking about your wife latest gains (you probably know that already) so I suggest moving this to the erotic weight gain board.


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## Wanderer (Nov 9, 2007)

For me, it's about getting *back to* a weight I prefer.

When I was born, I was two months a preemie; Mother promptly fed me, and by age 10, I'd blossomed into a 200-pound BHB (Big Handsome Boy). Don't get me wrong; I was very active, running and climbing and playing. Better still, I had that lovely side effect of being The Right Size For You: Fat jokes made absolutely no sense to me, and it would've taken a verbal sledgehammer to insult me.

(chuckle) Our backyard fence was never the same after I finished climbing it, and I split more pants than I care to remember; but I was Just Right, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Then, one day I heard Mother talking on the phone about how much it cost to keep me in Husky-sized pants... and I, being a Good Boy, promptly dieted to reduce her expenses (and my expanses).

(sigh) I've missed my Proper Size ever since; I don't feel "at home" in a body this light, and it seems to take forever to get even a few pounds heavier.

But now I know I'm headed back to My Size; not "dieting for Mother" size. And it feels great. :eat1:


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## Aurora (Nov 10, 2007)

Like your wife, I did some yo-yo back and forth in highschool. My case was probably a little different though. I really truly loved being fat, but everything around me said I shouldn't - media, boyfriends I couldn't get, parents, etc. It just wasn't "normal" to be accepting of my larger body. I did some dieting and lost weight only to come to terms with and accept myself and gain it back, and then decide I needed to lose it again.

For me, finding the fat admiring community put an end to my weight loss desires. When I realized that there were a great many women out there who loved their size and even getting bigger, and that there were thousands if not more men who encouraged fat love as well.... well, I guess the rest is history lol. I've never looked back and embraced my curves ever since.

I do hope your wife realizes that there's more to life than being thinner. Eating healthy and exercise are great and beneficial of course, but indulging and being happy are great too. Maybe if she were to see that more of the world, not just you, is fat positive she might change her mind about dieting. I can understand her confusion whole-heartedly.

~Aurora


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## Fascinita (Nov 10, 2007)

Dave0062007 said:


> It's been a month since I originally posted and I thought I'd give an update:
> 
> Over the past month my wife has gone from slacking off on WW points to completely indulging. My guess is she's gained back all the weight she lost and is probably back up to around 185lbs.
> 
> ...



My advice is to relax and get out of your head on this, and not to let it drive a wedge between you and wifey. You say you're "certain" that she "senses" your withdrawal? What if you're wrong?

Also, looking in your wife's journal and saying you regret it and then going on to summarize its contents on a public website? You sure this is healthy for your marriage?

I understand that you feel anxious about your wife's weight, and I think it's good that you want to get a sense of what other fat women think, but have you tried opening up about how you feel with your wife? I think that might go a long way for you. She should probably know.


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## Sweet_Serenade (Nov 12, 2007)

I'd like to give Dave advice but he hasn't posted since March so I don't think he'd see it. Best of luck to you and your wife, sweetie.

It was strange for me. I've had to come to terms with a lot of things in my life. At first, weight was never an issue. I was always underweight. I was very skinny. I never really liked how I looked and didn't understand it, never had a huge pile of self esteem growing up. 
Later in my life, when I was around 17, I wont go into details but my life took a lot of bad turns. The positive is that I got close to someone who really became the love of my life, we moved in together, all that good stuff. 
When I turned 19, my depression got bad and I started eating like crazy. 
I didn't really pay attention to what it was doing to my body, I just ate and sulked.
Looooong story short, my spouse pulled me out of it eventually. My perspective changed around, I got very positive and my depression slowly just went away.
But after everything I was left at like 190lbs. 
At first I tried losing weight, just because I thought it was "the thing to do."
But I didn't like doing that. 
It didn't make sense to me at the time, but I liked having curves, being bigger.
So I was just confused for a while, I didn't understand my opinion of beauty.
Earlier this year I started bringing it up with my spouse and some of our close friends. 
We talked a lot about it all, I got multiple opinions, including the friend who directed me here.
So, I'm pretty much just getting comfortable with admitting it.
I honestly love how my figure looks now.
It sort of excites me to think about getting a little larger, and I do have a huge passion for food.
My thoughts on it are that I just love it, I finally _feel_ beautiful.
I never thought much about gaining more weight on purpose until like earlier this week, so I don't know, I might give that a try.
Like I said, the idea is a bit exciting to me.
Hope I don't sound weird or anything.

Also, extra cool side note, my spouse works in a restaurant. An amazing cook, I must say. <3
So that's always good, we're both very passionate about food.


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## Aurora (Nov 13, 2007)

Sweet_Serenade said:


> I'd like to give Dave advice but he hasn't posted since March so I don't think he'd see it. Best of luck to you and your wife, sweetie.
> 
> It was strange for me. I've had to come to terms with a lot of things in my life. At first, weight was never an issue. I was always underweight. I was very skinny. I never really liked how I looked and didn't understand it, never had a huge pile of self esteem growing up.
> Later in my life, when I was around 17, I wont go into details but my life took a lot of bad turns. The positive is that I got close to someone who really became the love of my life, we moved in together, all that good stuff.
> ...



That is a beautiful story.  And welcome to Dims! Don't worry about sounding weird; you're in good company.


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## Sweet_Serenade (Nov 13, 2007)

Thank you! It still just sounds strange for me to admit this stuff.
But I'm completely excited that I've found my comfort zone, especially with my body and my opinion of beauty, it's probably a whole lot more than most women my age can say.


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