# My Mom checked out Dims



## BigCutieSasha (Nov 3, 2008)

So this is soming that came up recently. I found out that my mom has decided to do a little research on my online life and yesterday morning took a look at Dimensions. This worries me a bit only because the only place she visited was the Story boards. Nothing wrong with them, but for a mom who is very uneasy about her daughters weight, thats probably the LAST place she would want to look. After visiting Dims she looked at websites for "worried mothers". So this gives me an idea as to why she was looking where she did.

I know my mom only ever means well, and is probably trying to get more insight into my life. I just wish she would ask me instead of poking around on sites without looking at the valuable information they hold and instead go directly to an area that will freak her out.

I don't think I will be bringing this up to her as I don't want her to know that her computer history was looked at, and possibly getting someone into trouble. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever had a concerned family member or friend look on here or any other size acceptance sites without telling you at first? And if so, did they bring it up to you? How did you deal with it?


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## exile in thighville (Nov 3, 2008)

http://www.curvage.com/forum/index.php?topic=19214.0


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## exile in thighville (Nov 3, 2008)

And some good advice for mommy from the master, see question 1: http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-10...-dry-mouth-how-can-i-toke-and-still-give-head


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## Shosh (Nov 3, 2008)

My family have not checked on my surfing history. My oldest sister is vaguely aware that I post here, but she is not really aware as to the full extent of it.

My family would be fine with it from a size acceptance point if view, but I know that they would flip out over the weight board type stuff like feederism etc etc.

My other older sister is accepting of weight to a certain degree then her attitude is that 'There is no excuse for obesity, it is just laziness" She has said that to me a few times telling me in the past I was self indulgent and slovenly for being fat. She made me question myself, should I be ashamed of myself etc?

Sorry Sasha that I do not know how to advise you here. Maybe the best policy is to be honest, but to direct your mother to the other areas of the site, if she raises it with you.

Good on you mate.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Nov 3, 2008)

I don't think it was out of concern and it's hard to tell if she got the idea from the fact that I've mostly dated big girls my entire life, but well, lemme see, my older sister was being bitchy one evening or pretty much just existing as she does and out of nowhere goes 

"Justin has a fat fetish"

Which would've been fine and all expect it was at the dinner table with my entire family and my friend Chris sitting there. Awkward. Thankfully, Chris is oblivious and my family is used to her doing crap like this so they quickly just started talking about something else.

As for my mother prowling around on websites I go on .. I basically said to her one day ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.

I pretty much just ended all this nonsense by explaining to my mother one night where she was going to meet a girlfriend and said, okay, so and so is BIG and this is going to be a common trend in my life if I date anyone else and no, it's not some weird phase and it's not going to pass and you're going to have to get over it because it's what I dig. 

End of discussion forever.

I just agreed that I was not to save pictures of half/fully naked fat girls on the desktop anymore. Which is fine, because I don't think any mother would appreciate that fat or thin.


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## cute_obese_girl (Nov 3, 2008)

BigCutieSasha said:


> I don't think I will be bringing this up to her as I don't want her to know that her computer history was looked at, and possibly getting someone into trouble.



Just curious because you said you didn't want her to find out that her browsing history was looked at. How did she find out about Dimensions in the first place? Did she look at your computer? Or have you mentioned it to her?

If you were the one who told her about it, maybe think about showing her a few threads that you would want her to see so she doesn't just go by the story boards.

I'm about to be living with family soon and I haven't decided how I'm going to handle this topic myself. Good luck!


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## Mathias (Nov 3, 2008)

My mom walked in my room when I was in DimChat, and she assumed that this entire site was nothing but porn. While that's true on some levels, I like this site so much because there's more to it then that I can say what kind of movies I like, what video games I play, what books I read, what music I listen to, and I can say what's on my mind in Hyde Park. At the end of the day my business is my business. I feel like I shouldn't have to explain everything to them.


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## TraciJo67 (Nov 3, 2008)

BigCutieSasha said:


> So this is soming that came up recently. I found out that my mom has decided to do a little research on my online life and yesterday morning took a look at Dimensions. This worries me a bit only because the only place she visited was the Story boards. Nothing wrong with them, but for a mom who is very uneasy about her daughters weight, thats probably the LAST place she would want to look. After visiting Dims she looked at websites for "worried mothers". So this gives me an idea as to why she was looking where she did.
> 
> I know my mom only ever means well, and is probably trying to get more insight into my life. I just wish she would ask me instead of poking around on sites without looking at the valuable information they hold and instead go directly to an area that will freak her out.
> 
> I don't think I will be bringing this up to her as I don't want her to know that her computer history was looked at, and possibly getting someone into trouble. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever had a concerned family member or friend look on here or any other size acceptance sites without telling you at first? And if so, did they bring it up to you? How did you deal with it?



Sasha, I don't know your mother, or anything about your relationship with her. I doubt that her motive for checking this site was an evil one. She's a mom, and no matter how old you are (or how capable) she's going to be concerned with your health & happiness. You may view her concern as misplaced, and maybe it is. This is a great opportunity to educate her about what is important to you, and why, and most of all, that you are happy. Most parents just want to know that their children are OK. Help her to understand that she doesn't need to be a worried mother.


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## KendraLee (Nov 3, 2008)

BigCutieSasha said:


> So this is soming that came up recently. I found out that my mom has decided to do a little research on my online life and yesterday morning took a look at Dimensions. This worries me a bit only because the only place she visited was the Story boards. Nothing wrong with them, but for a mom who is very uneasy about her daughters weight, thats probably the LAST place she would want to look. After visiting Dims she looked at websites for "worried mothers". So this gives me an idea as to why she was looking where she did.
> 
> I know my mom only ever means well, and is probably trying to get more insight into my life. I just wish she would ask me instead of poking around on sites without looking at the valuable information they hold and instead go directly to an area that will freak her out.
> 
> I don't think I will be bringing this up to her as I don't want her to know that her computer history was looked at, and possibly getting someone into trouble. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever had a concerned family member or friend look on here or any other size acceptance sites without telling you at first? And if so, did they bring it up to you? How did you deal with it?



I dont really have any typical family issues to deal with, just my roommate and best friend who pretty much doesnt agree or understand online dating or an online social life, so I have had to explain things to her and try to make her understand my socializing online. She sees me on Dims at times since we share the computer so I have also had to explain this website to her. She is aware of the fetishy areas of the site but she is also aware of the other areas so she knows not to judge a site by one area. 
I really do think you should just talk to your mom about it. She was spying on you, no reason for her to not know you were checking on her. Tell her you're concerned cause you noticed she mainly seemed to check out the story boards and that the site is so much more than that. Tell her about the people who seek medical advice and fashion advice, the people who share their struggles and their achievements, the ones who discuss politics and talk about music and share funny jokes. To me its like having a network of friends at my finger tips always willing to help and encourage.


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## dragorat (Nov 3, 2008)

*Maybe take the time sometime to show your Mom some of the more positive threads on the boards.Show & point out some of the lovely folks from Dims who have influenced you & become your friends.*


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## mango (Nov 3, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> And some good advice for mommy from the master, see question 1: http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-10...-dry-mouth-how-can-i-toke-and-still-give-head


*
But dood... you never answered BS about her hash dry mouth BJ sitch!  :doh:




*


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## ItsLikeRachel (Nov 3, 2008)

Ooooh....Sucks.
I'm lucky, no one but me uses my laptop so I'm pretty safe to do whatever I want. Not that my mum would even know HOW to use a computer.

You should talk to her though, explain to her why you use the forums, what you get out of it etc. To be honest, my family would be worried if they saw some of the sections of this forum too.


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## gangstadawg (Nov 3, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> And some good advice for mommy from the master, see question 1: http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-10...-dry-mouth-how-can-i-toke-and-still-give-head


all i have to say is wow. she might would go nuts if she saw fullfiggas or she would make a african american sterotype about the site.


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## Zoom (Nov 3, 2008)

"But Ma! I only read it for the forums!"


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## Jon Blaze (Nov 3, 2008)

Well I've been consistently straight with my parents about my beliefs, but the only schtick I use to get was if I were to call ANY woman, they'd ask if it's "One of those girls in the pictures (I) look at online?" 

My only problem is them not understanding. They seemed very confused initially, but they grew into it.


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## BigCutieSasha (Nov 3, 2008)

Thanks for the replies. I should have been more specific. She didn't spy on my computer. She was on her own laptop. She knows about Dims from me talking about it. I guess it just came as a shock because she knows I'm open for talking about it. I just wasn't sure if making open conversation about her looking at it was the best idea since it was on her own computer and out of curiosity. 

I know shes really mostly interested in it all, and wants a better understanding. I just wish she would have asked me to show her around Dims rather than just take a gander. 

I think the thing to do will be to talk to her about Dims. Ask her if she is curious about it. Thanks for the advice guys.


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## Santaclear (Nov 3, 2008)

Show her the *more pee in bed activities* thread, Sasha.


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## UncannyBruceman (Nov 3, 2008)

BigCutieSasha said:


> I know shes really mostly interested in it all, and wants a better understanding. I just wish she would have asked me to show her around Dims rather than just take a gander.



I can tell you from personal experience with moms who know about the community: the best way for her to understand is when you get involved with a Dimensions FA who takes care of you and loves you like any good boyfriend or husband should/would. All mothers want that for their daughters, and wherever he comes from won't matter much as long as she knows that you're happy and safe with him.


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## exile in thighville (Nov 3, 2008)

Sasha....any chance she's into immobility?


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## vermillion (Nov 4, 2008)

my mom found my fantasy feeder stuff when i forgot to clear the history once...
luckily she never said anything to me because it would be pretty hard to explain...
considering she once was 320 pounds and has had WLS...
fat is unattractive to her and she would probably never understand that I do it to myself (not that I already wasn't a fatty.)
My mom is a pretty understanding person so I don't think I have much to worry about.

i say just prepare yourself for the talk...
her intentions are good so just keep that in mind.
maybe being honest with her (while probably leaving out the sexual stuff)
would turn into something really good...
i feel like this is one of the ONLY things I can't talk to my mom with and if i could it would only make her more of my best friend.


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## bmann0413 (Nov 4, 2008)

Well, Sasha, remember when I told you I made my mom aware of my existance on Dims? Let's just say I forgot to mention that I only let her know about the site. I never fully explained it to her, but she understands it's a site I go to and where I know people who I consider friends, such as yourself.

The TRUE problem, however, is the fact that I NEVER told my dad about Dimensions, so when he sees me on here, he either thinks I'm playing games, looking at hardcore porn, or wasting time talking to everyone. Both of my parents kinda worry when they see me talking to someone from Dims on the phone (though that's not many people). I definitely need to take some time out myself to explain it to him so he can have a better understanding for it and hope my mom's there listening.

I wish you luck with explaining to your mom about Dims. Don't forget to let us know how it goes. I just hope it doesn't play out to where you can't come back to Dims... we'll miss you too much.


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## AgentSkelly (Nov 4, 2008)

Sasha, it can't be as bad as when my mother found out about about dims:

"How did end up raising you to be into that sort of thing?


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## superodalisque (Nov 4, 2008)

its ok. she'll just repress it like the other things she didn't really want to know


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## Wagimawr (Nov 4, 2008)

AgentSkelly said:


> Sasha, it can't be as bad as when my mother found out about about dims:
> 
> "How did end up raising you to be into that sort of thing?


Yikes. Eerily similar to what my mom said to me when I brought a fat girlfriend home: "What did we do wrong to make your self-esteem so low that you'd" etc etc.

Gah.


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## blueeyedevie (Nov 4, 2008)

Sasha, I feel you  If my mom ever checked out Dimensions she would think I needed the loony bin (HER TERMS). I have tried in the past to express to her some of the key points of being a fat girl. Such as being proud of who you are no matter your size (my mom is about 300, at 511). Also men do like big women and you dont have to be a twig to be happy. Some of the simpler things to learn she just looks at me like I am crazy and have no idea what I am talking about. 
When I announced that my boyfriend whom I had met on line was coming for a visit last January, she was doubtful. Then she met him and well the rest is history. 
I do think the best thing to do is try to pull up positive sights about size acceptance and bring your mom or family members over to the computer to show them and ask their opinions. Especially with a mom you can involve them in the way youre feeling or ask for her opinions on topics on the sights. Showing the positive things and involving family will be the best way to stop the concerns. I think you are right just talk to her and ask her what she was feeling. It is always best to be open about things you are wondering about. 
Hugs Evie


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## bexy (Nov 4, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> http://www.curvage.com/forum/index.php?topic=19214.0



oh.my.god.


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## bmann0413 (Nov 4, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> oh.my.god.



Yeah, same thing I said before I posted something. It was cool though how mostly everyone on Curvage banded together for those two.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Nov 5, 2008)

Um, I'm only getting a "you must log in" message =s


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## bexy (Nov 5, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> Um, I'm only getting a "you must log in" message =s



Oh yes, sorry, you do have to log in to read the post.


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## Totmacher (Nov 5, 2008)

*sigh* I *wish* my parents - or _any_ people in my family, for that matter - were clueful enough for me to be legitemately concerned about this sort of thing.


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## Santaclear (Nov 5, 2008)

I've long wished you had better parental supervision, Tot.


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## mergirl (Nov 5, 2008)

hmmm..no probs with that anymore as i have lived by myself now for longer than i ever did at my parents.. though i do remember my wee brother saying to me when i did live at home "stop blocking up the computer with pics of fat women".. hmm what can i say.. i was a teenager!  .. My mum and dad are kinna computer illiterate too.. they have had internet for years and years and my dad has JUST worked out how to look up holidays and guitar tabs.. i'm kinna proud of him.. if you can play songs in the sun what more do you need? appart from pics of fat women of course.

xmer


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## rabbitislove (Nov 7, 2008)

Wagimawr said:


> Yikes. Eerily similar to what my mom said to me when I brought a fat girlfriend home: "What did we do wrong to make your self-esteem so low that you'd" etc etc.
> 
> Gah.




Dude, same thing here. My parents think I have wicked self esteem issues. Or visiting my extended family who think I'm a desperate loser. 

I've only mentioned Dims to my sister, but no ones checked it out. I live with my parents right now, and used to live with roommates who shared my laptop so I'd clear the history. They all knew I love fat boys, but I dunno. My ex asked me about feederism and I don't want to have to keep repeating to everyone ad nauseum about how I'm not a feeder. :doh:


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## thatgirl08 (Nov 7, 2008)

Sasha, I'm sort of interested in how it went when you talked to your mom? I understand if you don't want to share.. but I'm just curious as to how she reacted when you had a chance to explain things.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 8, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> its ok. she'll just repress it like the other things she didn't really want to know



Lol, yeah that's kind of like my mom.....that or she will mail me a letter stating all her concern......:doh:


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## CleverBomb (Nov 8, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Show her the *more pee in bed activities* thread, Sasha.





exile in thighville said:


> Sasha....any chance she's into immobility?




And for the trifecta: Her mother is actually Kelligirl.

-Rusty


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## Brenda (Nov 9, 2008)

I think you need to address it with your mother. Based on your significant weight gain over the last few years, having an adult website and now reading some really extreme weight gain stories she is probably very fearful for your well being. She is likely assuming you are in over your head and may stage an intervention of sorts.


You stated in the past she was somewhat supportive of size acceptance but thinks you need to lose some weight. Reading the story boards could very likely turn a thin somewhat accepting person away from size acceptance and to the assumption that those involved are sexually on the fringe. To be frank when I read a few of those stories I was pretty horrified and I am fat.


Good luck,

Brenda


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## mszwebs (Nov 9, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Show her the *more pee in bed activities* thread, Sasha.





exile in thighville said:


> Sasha....any chance she's into immobility?



Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha


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## PursyMarr1992 (Nov 10, 2008)

My parents honestly wouldn't give a crap even if they did find out, but my little sisters came across FF a year or so back. 

I remember just completely stopping what I was doing when one of them asked me, "Melissa, are you a feedee?" Totally almost crapped my pants. I avoided it like the plague and said I was a faker and just wanted to see how far I could go with all these guys. My little sisters know now (mainly because I've put on 135 since May '07), and honestly, even though I still have funny moments with them. Namely, the other day in my human sexuality class my fantasy was read out by the professor anonymously, alot were, so it wasn't all that pointed. And I was so embarrassed. My little sisters would know why I was so embarassed and why everyone laughed if I didn't tell them that filling me full of treats and worshipping me like a goddess weren't involved. They said I'm very weird and the next time they saw a brownie, they said "do you fantasize about this?" to which I replied nicely, "all the time, totally did this morning."

And even if my parents did find out, it would be very awkward, but at the end of it what is wrong about it? Even if a parent had very mixed emotions about your weight, it's not like Dims is a bad place. People who share similar beliefs and ideals about body image and attraction hang out and talk about a variety of different topics. I would use that as my major point if she brings it up.


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## kayrae (Nov 11, 2008)

On the other hand, tonight I told my mom on webcam that she had a fat daughter. And that she's gonna need to accept that I'm probably going to stay fat. And that I'm not planning on going on any diets anymore, so I really don't want to hear about diets ever again. She told me she's worried about my health. And I told her I'm fine.

And that was it. We had a good laugh at some fatty jokes my younger brother wanted to throw in. It felt very liberating.

I hope your conversation goes well.


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## BeaBea (Nov 12, 2008)

Brenda said:


> Based on your significant weight gain over the last few years, having an adult website and now reading some really extreme weight gain stories she is probably very fearful for your well being. She is likely assuming you are in over your head and may stage an intervention of sorts.



Err, maybe you know Sasha's Mom better than we do but given what's been said so far I think that might be an over reaction. Her Mom might possibly think all of those things - but she also knows that Sasha is a very intelligent, capable and independent woman who is more than capable of making her own decisions. 

I think all thats needed is a casual chat as being full-on defensive is only going to cause a conflict. I'd start on the Fashion Board and maybe ask her opinion on some of the make-up tips or fashion advice and kind of ease into a talk from there. If you want to go a bit deeper the sticky thread on Mothers is always very moving and there are lots of opportunities to say 'I'm so glad I have a Mom who understands and trusts me rather than xyz'

I've spoken to my own parents about the sites I visit online and they were concerned at first. In words they would understand I just explained that a website is a bit like walking into a book-shop. They might sell porn and kinky books but they also sell cookery books and romance novels - and those are the only shelves I look at. (Honest! :blush

Hope it works out for you Sasha

Tracey x


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## stan_der_man (Nov 13, 2008)

BeaBea, I think that bookstore analogy is a perfectly fitting one. There is a whole spectrum of things going on here, we each pick and choose what interests us. From what I've seen Sasha (and Sasha's mom just in case you are reading...  ), I don't think you have done anything that should make a mother worried. You are just a young woman exploring the world meeting people and having fun like other gals do.


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## JMNYC (Nov 17, 2008)

I "came out" to my family via "Big Love" 2 years ago, and, true to their style, none has brought it up ever again.


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## S13Drifter (Nov 18, 2008)

JMNYC said:


> I "came out" to my family via "Big Love" 2 years ago, and, true to their style, none has brought it up ever again.



wow, Thats really good. I'm kind of inspired now and makes me want to stand up more for fat people.


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## gangstadawg (Nov 20, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> oh.my.god.


yeah thats basically what i said. she even used the term "cult" which is the second time i have heard some one describe bbws/fas with that term.


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