# You know your a BHM when??



## Rhino1978 (Jan 3, 2008)

o.k il start


When you someone see's a 2 year old photo of you and says"thats not you" and you reply it was over 100lbs ago.

Can still remember the look on her face when i said it lol


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## IwannabeVERYfat (Jan 3, 2008)

when your belly arrives before you do

when it has it's own area code

you could use it to rest your plate on


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## Wanderer (Jan 3, 2008)

You know you're a BHM when:

Belly-rubs are a real turn-on.

You outgrow your car.

You have to fasten your belt while looking in a mirrror.

It takes you five minutes to get off the couch.

Anytime you grow a beard, little kids think you're Santa Claus.

You know you're a SSBHM when:

You go from "pointer" to "setter".

You outgrow your station wagon.

You use suspenders instead of a belt, because at least they fasten.

It takes you fifteen minutes to get off the couch... and by the time you do, you're too tired to remember why you got up!

You can't play Santa anymore because your lap is under your belly.

Yours truly,

The hoping-to-grow-and-grow,

Wanderer


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## fat hiker (Jan 4, 2008)

People at an office party assume you can drink a lot, just because of your size: 'C'mon, you gotta have CAPACITY.....'


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## IwannabeVERYfat (Jan 4, 2008)

when your belly holds more than the fuel tank on your car


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## bigrugbybloke (Jan 4, 2008)

fat hiker said:


> People at an office party assume you can drink a lot, just because of your size: 'C'mon, you gotta have CAPACITY.....'



this is 'so' true and i dont mind the encouragement either


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## Fatgator (Jan 4, 2008)

You know you're a BHM when you're eating out with people and someone asks "Does anyone want this" then looks directly at you.

You know you're a BHM when you order a bunch of food for a meal at a restaurant and the waitress says "I bet your parents get scared when you come home"

(That last one actually happened to me...at the time I was in high school, not in college, but the waitress assumed I was in college, and it was during a winter break, so she thought I was visiting home...those were her exact words to me)

You know you're a BHM when you go to a buffet alone and the waitress brings you 5 extra plates (instead of the customary 1 or 2) and says "looks like you'll be needing these" (again, happened to me).

You know you're a BHM when the waitress gets that annoyed look on her face when you walk in (because to her, you'll order a lot of food making more work for her)

You know you're a BHM when you get stuck in desks at school (check)

You know you're a BHM when you run out of breath just walking up some stairs (happens to me)

You know you're a BHM when you're at a party and realize you can't come and go as you please without knocking things or people over.


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## Tad (Jan 4, 2008)

When you have to take into account, when planning how long it takes to get out the door, "putting on shoes."

When at a store they are measuring you for pants, and have to ask "above or below the belly?"

When you walk into a restaurant and the staff fight over who's section you'll be in, anticipating a big meal hence big tip.

When you start considering getting a paint brush for quicker application of sun-block....but if you go to a nudist beach there is no danger of burning your delicate parts.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 5, 2008)

edx said:


> When you have to take into account, when planning how long it takes to get out the door, "putting on shoes."



That just cracked me up. I love it.


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## Rhino1978 (Jan 5, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> That just cracked me up. I love it.





or socks lol


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## cammy (Jan 5, 2008)

When you measure more around than tall.


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## Brainiac (Jan 5, 2008)

your moobs are bigger than your girlfriend breasts :wubu:


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## Melian (Jan 5, 2008)

edx said:


> When you start considering getting a paint brush for quicker application of sun-block....but if you go to a nudist beach there is no danger of burning your delicate parts.



Do you frequent nude beaches?


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## David Bowie (Jan 5, 2008)

Brainiac said:


> your moobs are bigger than your girlfriend breasts :wubu:



haha true dat


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## BeeBee (Jan 5, 2008)

Melian said:


> Do you frequent nude beaches?


There is a big one on the southwest shore of Maui, about 7 miles south of Kihei


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## IwannabeVERYfat (Jan 5, 2008)

when you get a group discount at IHOP


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## Rhino1978 (Jan 7, 2008)

or When you start getting belly rubs mmmmmmmmmmmm


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## sprsizeme (Jan 7, 2008)

You know you're fat when you have satelites orbiting your equator


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## IwannabeVERYfat (Jan 7, 2008)

when you have to charter a UPS cargo jet to fly places


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## BigDave (Jan 10, 2008)

When the airline charges you for two seats (THIS SUPPOSEDLY HAPPENS ON SOME AIRLINES!).

When you buy a shorter bed...as to not hurt yourself when getting out of it in the morning (did this once!).

When sleeping on the sofa feels safer...so that you don't roll over your much thinner other half (personal experience).

When women describe you as "beefy" or "a whole lot of man" instead of calling you "fatass" or "lazy" (personal experience).

Or, to get a little ridiculous...

When people start to use you as an umbrella at the beach.


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## Rhino1978 (Jan 11, 2008)

When you can rest things on your belly.


when the manager in the all you can eat places runs to lock the door when he/she sees you coming.


when after that big meal you think "what can i eat now"


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## David Bowie (Jan 14, 2008)

when ya got big tittehs haha like me :[


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## jchild (Feb 2, 2008)

when after eating lunch you start planning Dinner.:eat1:


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## ~da rev~ (Feb 2, 2008)

You get the "Full Order" and then some.


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## jchild (Feb 2, 2008)

Being "Full" usually means you can't walk for the next hour.

When you stop eating, everyone stops eating.

It is a point of pride for friends if they out eat/drink you.

haha I luv bein big


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## lady of the dark (Feb 3, 2008)

- when you get mistaken for a big stranded whale when you are just sunbathing on the beach

- when you have to buy a cellphone because you can't fit in to a phone booth

- when you have to take their word if you have your shoes shined

- when you need a talking scale, because you can't see the digits anymore

- when the talking scale calls you fat ass

- when your growling hungry stomach gets mistaken for an earthquake


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## HDANGEL15 (Feb 3, 2008)

*I love this thread..a man with bigger tits than me...MY FANTASY!!!!!!!
all of this is great stuff for this little FFA *


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## IwannabeVERYfat (Feb 3, 2008)

when you have an escort vehicle ahead of you with a "caution wide load" sign on the front


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## hossbabyjr (Mar 18, 2008)

you know you're a BHM when:

you can only fit one cheek in the tiny-a$$ desks in a college classroom (it really sucks, cuz i always end up on my wallet)

someone hands you a pitcher of beer rather than a solo cup (trust me, it just saves time if you are doin that)

the only things you are lookin to drive/ride are trucks, big SUVs or cruisers because that sports car seat requires too much contortion and the tank on a crotch-rocket hits your spleen

and you definitely know you are a BHM when someone comes to rub your belly and one of two things happens: 1) your foot starts tappin or 2) you start the conversation with, "sorry, no luck, all tapped out"


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## fatstuart1975 (Mar 18, 2008)

You know you're a fat guy when you;

1) Stop buying clothes that fit and start buying clothes you can grow into!

2) People think because you're really fat - you must be really strong (uh - reallity check here folks, fat = unfit and not strong!LOL!)

3) When guys you work with who don't know your name call you 'big guy/big man/big fella' instead of 'dude/mate/fella'

4)The owner of the all you eat chinese buffet comes running out screaming (appologies in advance for the racial stereotype) 'you no eat here! you very bad man! Fat man no eat here!' 

5) You start to grow the fat guy goatee in a futile attempt to draw attention away from the fact you have 2+ chins!

6) Walking and talking on you mobile/cell phone at the same time leaves you out of breath!

7) When you suck your gut in to try and look thin... You're still clearly the fattest guy in the room!

8) When 3 meals a day turn into one long 'grazing' session through out the day.

9) When you get a days worth of snacks out of the vending machine 1st thing in the morning to avoid having to get up throughout the day to get the inevitable snack fix(es)!

10) And finally! You know you're a fat guy when a pioc of your belly and chest posted online garners multiple pm'd compliments of 'great rack and belly' from the FA's who've not quite taken the time to read your handle!LOL!


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## bigrugbybloke (Jan 21, 2009)

you break your jogging bottoms when sitting down and display the white lining and your bum in all its glory! yes quite true i'm afraid.


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## escapist (Jan 21, 2009)

bigrugbybloke said:


> you break your jogging bottoms when sitting down and display the white lining and your bum in all its glory! yes quite true i'm afraid.



Ohhhh better than that, when you start packing extra pants and shorts in your car because you have had a BLOWOUT more times than you can count in public and its just a way of life now.

(I need specialty clothing with like a elastic seams so they don't do that anymore).

You know your a BHM when you get a couple of burgers from drive through to tide you over till the Take and Bake Pizza is done.


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## bigrugbybloke (Jan 21, 2009)

escapist said:


> Ohhhh better than that, when you start packing extra pants and shorts in your car because you have had a BLOWOUT more times than you can count in public and its just a way of life now.
> 
> (I need specialty clothing with like a elastic seams so they don't do that anymore).
> 
> You know your a BHM when you get a couple of burgers from drive through to tide you over till the Take and Bake Pizza is done.



love it mate those expanding waistline pants help dont they?!


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## escapist (Jan 21, 2009)

bigrugbybloke said:


> love it mate those expanding waistline pants help dont they?!



Nope for anybody who has had an ass blowout its that seam that runs between your crotch that blows out....EVERY FREAKING TIME! Mine do it right at the seam too. No fixing them either, and well I'm a snob who likes designer pants so it gets expensive lol. All they would need is like a well hidden fold of expandable fabric right in the butt crack seam lol.....any seamstresses on the board? Might be money in this


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## bigrugbybloke (Jan 21, 2009)

escapist said:


> Nope for anybody who has had an ass blowout its that seam that runs between your crotch that blows out....EVERY FREAKING TIME! Mine do it right at the seam too. No fixing them either, and well I'm a snob who likes designer pants so it gets expensive lol. All they would need is like a well hidden fold of expandable fabric right in the butt crack seam lol.....any seamstresses on the board? Might be money in this



all true matey i relate. the inner thigh area goes with me as well. costs a fortune to look good but proud to do so!


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## Roy C. (Jan 21, 2009)

I remember the first time having to ask for a seat belt extender on an airplane. Then came the time when I could not use the tray located on the seat in front.

Realized that a couple of big macs were a snack instead of a meal.


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## chicken legs (Jan 21, 2009)

Roy C. said:


> Realized that a couple of big macs were a snack instead of a meal.



Ok...that made me giggle and i ran out of rep points:eat2::eat1:


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## escapist (Jan 21, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> Ok...that made me giggle and i ran out of rep points:eat2::eat1:



Why, did you rep me for the Buggers to hold me over for the pizza? 

*Checks his reps.....Hummm Nope* Darn! (mild rep whine heheheh)


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## RVGleason (Jan 21, 2009)

Here's one of my older cartoons that feature two former posters on these boards, Wellington and Auntie Oggle, which cover the same subject matter.

RV :eat1: 

View attachment Wells1.jpg


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## chicken legs (Jan 21, 2009)

escapist said:


> Why, did you rep me for the Buggers to hold me over for the pizza?
> 
> *Checks his reps.....Hummm Nope* Darn! (mild rep whine heheheh)



What are buggers....HEHEHEHE


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## Lavasse (Jan 22, 2009)

My parents always used to say they would rather board me then feed me lol. So I guess that would be a way to know.

When lawn chairs become your arch enemy.

If you have ever used your moobs to hold something because your hands were full.

If you've ever been used as dead weight for a truck that can't get traction.


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## kinkykitten (Jan 22, 2009)

Me and my fiance, Von_Pudge, travel from Norway to England alot so I can see my family. This means we have to fly alot. Last flight we were on the air hostess came around with the trolley with drinks. Dan had a coffee and a snack. I noticed that before when she was serving other passengers, she was pulling down the table on the back of the chair in front of them and placing their drink down on there.

When she got to Dan, she gave him a look and kind of paused, looked at his belly and pulled down the table next to him and placed his order there!!! She must have known the table doesn't come down fully because of the size of his big belly :happy: 

I just grinned, winked at him and rubbed his belly and whispered "My sexy, obese fatboy" in his ear... I was horny for the rest of the journey :blush: :wubu:


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## bigrugbybloke (Jan 23, 2009)

kinkykitten said:


> Me and my fiance, Von_Pudge, travel from Norway to England alot so I can see my family. This means we have to fly alot. Last flight we were on the air hostess came around with the trolley with drinks. Dan had a coffee and a snack. I noticed that before when she was serving other passengers, she was pulling down the table on the back of the chair in front of them and placing their drink down on there.
> 
> When she got to Dan, she gave him a look and kind of paused, looked at his belly and pulled down the table next to him and placed his order there!!! She must have known the table doesn't come down fully because of the size of his big belly :happy:
> 
> I just grinned, winked at him and rubbed his belly and whispered "My sexy, obese fatboy" in his ear... I was horny for the rest of the journey :blush: :wubu:



its nice when they take into account our size and do that kinda thing - but in my experience its never been as good.


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## bigwideland (Jan 23, 2009)

You break your office chair account that it does not have steel legs and you have to get a 180 kg+ rated chair, with no arm rests to allow for future expansions.


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## kinkykitten (Jan 23, 2009)

bigrugbybloke said:


> its nice when they take into account our size and do that kinda thing - but in my experience its never been as good.



Hehe yeah  Same here... but they were good. Just thought it was sweet the way she took one look and just pulled down the other table. Traveling is always crampy for me, so I can only imagine what it's like for a BHM lol


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## fat hiker (Jan 29, 2009)

bigwideland said:


> You break your office chair account that it does not have steel legs and you have to get a 180 kg+ rated chair, with no arm rests to allow for future expansions.



You sit down in your new office chair and when you get up it is 'attached' to your backside, requiring co-worker intervention for removal...


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## bigwideland (Jan 30, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> You sit down in your new office chair and when you get up it is 'attached' to your backside, requiring co-worker intervention for removal...



Oh I can relate to that fat hiker, 

How about this,

You have to select your path between parked car's so as not to get stuck or knock they side mirrors.


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## kinkykitten (Feb 1, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> You sit down in your new office chair and when you get up it is 'attached' to your backside, requiring co-worker intervention for removal...



Heh.... I can't be the only FFA who would be kind of excited by observing that, right?


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## chicken legs (Feb 1, 2009)

You are not alone, i get visuals everytime i go through this thread...hehehe:eat2::eat1:....

AWWW if only there were pics and vids to go along with the some of the posts..

Its ok though...i have a great imagination.


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## Ruby Ripples (Feb 1, 2009)

kinkykitten said:


> Me and my fiance, Von_Pudge, travel from Norway to England alot so I can see my family. This means we have to fly alot. Last flight we were on the air hostess came around with the trolley with drinks. Dan had a coffee and a snack. I noticed that before when she was serving other passengers, she was pulling down the table on the back of the chair in front of them and placing their drink down on there.
> 
> When she got to Dan, she gave him a look and kind of paused, looked at his belly and pulled down the table next to him and placed his order there!!! She must have known the table doesn't come down fully because of the size of his big belly :happy:
> 
> I just grinned, winked at him and rubbed his belly and whispered "My sexy, obese fatboy" in his ear... I was horny for the rest of the journey :blush: :wubu:



I love you FFA's, that is the cutest thing ever!!


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## Wanderer (Feb 2, 2009)

edx said:


> When you walk into a restaurant and the staff fight over who's section you'll be in, anticipating a big meal hence big tip.



Sadly, most restaurants seem to be fonder of relaxation than of tips; a friend of mine always tipped well because whoever served him usually wound up on the low end of the totem pole and was ordered to do it. (The big tip was to change their minds for the future.)


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## kinkykitten (Feb 2, 2009)

Ruby Ripples said:


> I love you FFA's, that is the cutest thing ever!!



:blush: Heheee  I'm so excitable :happy:


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## butch (Feb 2, 2009)

Wanderer said:


> Sadly, most restaurants seem to be fonder of relaxation than of tips; a friend of mine always tipped well because whoever served him usually wound up on the low end of the totem pole and was ordered to do it. (The big tip was to change their minds for the future.)



Yeah, I like to tip well too, especially if I go somewhere a lot. I wonder if fat people, more often than not, tip better than thin people?

Here's one that happened to me over the weekend: when your friends use you to block the cold wind blowing. Granted, I'm not a BHM, but I play one on TV.


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## cammy (Feb 2, 2009)

butch said:


> when your friends use you to block the cold wind blowing.



I'm very familiar with this tactic.


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## Karebehr (Feb 2, 2009)

cammy said:


> When you measure more around than tall.



It is as far to walk around me as over me......lol 5'8" (68") up.....68" around


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## fat hiker (Mar 3, 2009)

butch said:


> Here's one that happened to me over the weekend: when your friends use you to block the cold wind blowing. Granted, I'm not a BHM, but I play one on TV.



Been there, done that - was a bit shocked at the time by the guy who claimed the wind-block space, but what the hey, the black leather jacket I was wearing at the time did block the wind...


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## fat hiker (Mar 3, 2009)

Karebehr said:


> It is as far to walk around me as over me......lol 5'8" (68") up.....68" around



In college, I had a friend whose favourite quip was, "There's no getting around Jim - or at least, it's a very long walk."


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## Paquito (Mar 3, 2009)

butch said:


> Here's one that happened to me over the weekend: when your friends use you to block the cold wind blowing.



That's me right there. I have a friend who's about 115 lbs. and has a circulation problem, so she's always cold. Luckily she has me to warm her up. I'll hold her hand (apparently my hands are always nice and warm, no matter the temp) and I'll protect her from the wind.

pretty useful, aint I?


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## ClockworkOrange (Mar 6, 2009)

You know you're a BHM when....

You stop using milk on your cereal, in favor of half and half 

You stop eating candy bars and start eating blocks of cheese (ok maybe in addition to)

You wear your shoes out on the side and not the bottom

Those funny looking banana seat bicycles you used to laugh at actually sound like a great idea now

Eating a giant dinner is working out

You get the quad-stacker at Burger King AND a couple of other sandwiches "just in case"

You plan out multiple things to do each time you get up, so you don't have to get up as much lol.


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## ~da rev~ (Mar 6, 2009)

A horse looks at you and goes "NOOOOOOOOOO WAY"


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## chicken legs (Mar 6, 2009)

I don't know if this thread is meant to be funny but its totally tickling me..


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## Tad (Mar 6, 2009)

When you try to put a pen in your breast pocket, and it just won't slide in all the way.


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## Archangel_257 (Mar 7, 2009)

Okay I gotta add one that happened to me. I was on a mission trip one summer when I was about 15/16 and we stayed in a local high school. Well there was a bad storm and the tornado sirens went off. They made us all sit in the hall and I had three girls hugging me because they said "you won't blow away." I felt manly and protective.

Another time you know you're a BHM is when you and your friends are trying to get through a crowd of people and they always make you be the lead "blocker"

Also, in college these last few years I was not always the party favorite, but I was frequently the favorite for walking home because 1. I'm usually the soberest because it takes too long to get me drunk 2.Girls know that no one will ***k with them when a nearly 6ft 330 (now 315!) dood is walking with them.


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## warwagon86 (Mar 7, 2009)

budget airline seats can be a tight squeeze


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## Lavasse (Mar 9, 2009)

People start rubbing your belly for luck!!!


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## WillSpark (Mar 9, 2009)

You hear someone on the street say "Dayuuum! Check out that ass!" And when you look, they hastily turn away from you.


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## escapist (Mar 9, 2009)

When you need a car stereo with a remote cause the controls are just out of reach when mounted in the dash.


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## Tychondarova (Mar 9, 2009)

You know you're a BHM when...

You have to hold your belly in with your hands to see the numbers on the scale.

Your smaller friends use you as a pillow.

You habitually rest plates of food on your belly while you eat.

You inquisitively ask Burger King how many patties they can put on a single burger.

Your young sister asks why you have boobs like your girlfriend.

-Ty


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## fat hiker (Mar 9, 2009)

Archangel_257 said:


> Another time you know you're a BHM is when you and your friends are trying to get through a crowd of people and they always make you be the lead "blocker"



Yeah, been there, done that.


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## escapist (Mar 9, 2009)

You know you're a BHM when...


You stop using your hands to open doors made to just push open.
you do push ups and your face is a good 8-10" from the ground but your belly is on the floor.
your girlfriend has to increase her flexibility so she can arch her back enough to kiss you when she is standing with her back to you.
your girl starts putting her hands under your belly flap to keep warm.


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## fat hiker (Mar 10, 2009)

edx said:


> When you try to put a pen in your breast pocket, and it just won't slide in all the way.




Or it does, but the shirt now has this bizarre straight flat part on one side, and a curved flowing part on the other side....


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## fat hiker (Mar 10, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> I don't know if this thread is meant to be funny but its totally tickling me..



Oh, it's meant to be funny - one of the things BHMs are supposed to have is a good sense of humour, and if you can't laugh at yourself and your own life, it's pretty grim....


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## ClockworkOrange (Mar 10, 2009)

you know you're a BHM when....

your belly is also a food tray

you can do push-ups with no hands at all 

you have a favorite seat at your favorite buffet that just happens to be right next to the dessert bar :eat2:

you go to the movies and end up back at the concession stand before the end of the previews :eat1:

your couch has bucket seats

you call your loved one in for a hug or a kiss, often to direct them towards the remote across the room to hand you "while they're around" or perhaps to bring you a beverage "on their way" lol 

the thought of you jumping scares your friends

your cat snubs you because you have no lap for him to sleep on :doh:


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## chicken legs (Mar 10, 2009)

lol.wow.ok


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## bigrugbybloke (Mar 10, 2009)

escapist said:


> You know you're a BHM when...
> 
> 
> You stop using your hands to open doors made to just push open.
> ...




number 2 puts me wel and truely into bhm category


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## bigrugbybloke (Mar 10, 2009)

escapist said:


> You know you're a BHM when...
> 
> 
> You stop using your hands to open doors made to just push open.
> ...




number 2 puts me wel and truely into bhm category


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## ~da rev~ (Mar 11, 2009)

Your hands are never cold because you have natures hand warmer, the underbelly. 

A folding chair is your arch enemy. 

You're never without a good sounding drum. Drumming on the belly everywhere you go. 

I know I do the third one most.


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## Hole (Mar 14, 2009)

An FFA prespective:

You're having sex in the spooning position and you turn back to say there's something in the way preventing him from going deeper only to realize it's his big belly.


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## Uriel (Mar 14, 2009)

Hole said:


> An FFA prespective:
> 
> You're having sex in the spooning position and you turn back to say there's something in the way preventing him from going deeper only to realize it's his big belly.



Whoa!


*Ahem*



-Uriel


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## Hole (Mar 14, 2009)

Uriel said:


> Whoa!
> 
> 
> *Ahem*
> ...



I take it you haven't experienced that one Mr. Petite ?


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## Uriel (Mar 14, 2009)

Hole said:


> I take it you haven't experienced that one Mr. Petite ?



Oh, I dunno...No with the right girl, yet...



-Uriel

PS: Mr. Petite? Hehehe


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## Hole (Mar 14, 2009)

Uriel said:


> Oh, I dunno...No with the right girl, yet...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



So... you want me to feed you to that stage? 

Just messing.

It didn't happen to my ex till he gained weight and he was bigger than you before he even gained weight.


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## Uriel (Mar 14, 2009)

Hole said:


> So... you want me to feed you to that stage?
> 
> Just messing.
> 
> It didn't happen to my ex till he gained weight and he was bigger than you before he even gained weight.



Ha, we've had the 'Feeder' conversation...Besides, I'm currently losing weight.
Mwuahahaha!!!

You can snuggle up anytime, though. There's plenty of belly,and you know who has *dibs* on it...


-Uriel


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## Hole (Mar 14, 2009)

Uriel said:


> Ha, we've had the 'Feeder' conversation...Besides, I'm currently losing weight.
> Mwuahahaha!!!
> 
> You can snuggle up anytime, though. There's plenty of belly,and you know who has *dibs* on it...
> ...



Didn't you recently have Mexican and Chinese food in one day?


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## Uriel (Mar 14, 2009)

Hole said:


> Didn't you recently have Mexican and Chinese food in one day?



Um, yeah... You got me.

You still have *Dibs* on my belly, even if you are bratty.

Oh, I have half a chocolate cake in the fridge...




(Moine!!!)


-Uriel


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## Ry&#333;ri (Mar 15, 2009)

You know you're a BHM when...
-you are in line for a roller coaster and start to wonder how much you'll have to suck in just to get one click
-booths become the bane of your exsistance
-you would rather walk then attempt to get into the back of a 2 door sedan
-you exceed the maximum weight limit on a water slide (happened to me twice)
-you start looking at the maximum weight limit on just about everything
-you get stuck in the hole of a ZORB ball (check)
-you have a better sense of taste then any skinny person ever could 
-you are forced to ride in the trunk of a car because your friend packed to many people in the car and it actually more comfortable in there
-you get stuck in the sun roof opening of a limo while driving down the Vegas strip


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## chicken legs (Mar 15, 2009)

hahaha...i want to go to New Zealand. 

or maybe they can make a desert friendly Zorb


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## Ry&#333;ri (Mar 15, 2009)

They have them in the Smokey Mountains, near Dollywood.


----------



## chicken legs (Mar 15, 2009)

Zorb balls? near Dollywood?


----------



## djudex (Mar 15, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> Zorb balls? near Dollywood?



Sadly they've been grafted to Dolly's chest and no one gets to use them anymore.


----------



## Ry&#333;ri (Mar 15, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> Zorb balls? near Dollywood?



heck yeah,

http://www.zorb.com/smoky/

Now if they only sold them, I could finally realize my dream of running people over like some kind of giant hamster...thing


----------



## chicken legs (Mar 15, 2009)

OMG that looks so effing fun...plus i always wondered what it was like for my hamsters when they were in their balls back in the day.


----------



## Uriel (Mar 16, 2009)

You know you are a BHM when you order the 15" Deluxe Pizza Sub,and the guy (Also a fat guy) smiles and says 'For $1.99 we do it double meat&double cheese...' And he waives the fee with a conspiratorial wink.

:doh:

I mean, it is a better deal and all...

And I NEEDED Fries and Onion Rings...

Oh, and you know you are a BHM when, while waiting for your sub to get made, you go to the Taqueria a few doors down to have tacos... *ahem*. I mean, I had to wait like...10 minutes!!!


-Uriel


----------



## Melian (Mar 16, 2009)

Uriel said:


> You know you are a BHM when you order the 15" Deluxe Pizza Sub,and the guy (Also a fat guy) smiles and says 'For $1.99 we do it double meat&double cheese...' And he waives the fee with a conspiratorial wink.
> 
> :doh:
> 
> ...




You know you're a BHM when FFAs get off to a description of your dinner


----------



## Uriel (Mar 16, 2009)

Melian said:


> You know you're a BHM when FFAs get off to a description of your dinner



I almost added Dessert...the taqueria does Churros, not those disgusting thing that Taco bell does/used to do, but fresh, delicious doughy Mexi-Donuts of Love, 12" long and rolled in sugar and Cinnamon, right before your eyes...

-Uriel


----------



## Uriel (Mar 17, 2009)

Melian said:


> You know you're a BHM when FFAs get off to a description of your dinner



Woohoo! It's Tuesday, and that means D&D night, with a trip to that Cheesecteak place for a Double Meat&Cheese Pizza Deluxe, with fries and onion rings...And my buddy David already got me a Godiva Raspberry Dark Chocolate shake-thingie....Good thing I only eat once a day or so.

Well, OK, maybe I'll have something when I get home at 1am or so...



:eat2::eat1::eat1::eat1::eat2:



-Uriel


----------



## Lavasse (Mar 17, 2009)

Uriel said:


> You know you are a BHM when you order the 15" Deluxe Pizza Sub,and the guy (Also a fat guy) smiles and says 'For $1.99 we do it double meat&double cheese...' And he waives the fee with a conspiratorial wink.
> 
> :doh:
> 
> ...



Sounds like me when I eat a sandwich while Im waiting for dinner to get done cooking lol


----------



## Melian (Mar 18, 2009)

Uriel said:


> Woohoo! It's Tuesday, and that means D&D night, with a trip to that Cheesecteak place for a Double Meat&Cheese Pizza Deluxe, with fries and onion rings...And my buddy David already got me a Godiva Raspberry Dark Chocolate shake-thingie....Good thing I only eat once a day or so.
> 
> Well, OK, maybe I'll have something when I get home at 1am or so...
> 
> ...




......

What exactly are you trying to accomplish, here?


----------



## Uriel (Mar 18, 2009)

Melian said:


> ......
> 
> What exactly are you trying to accomplish, here?



Hmm...Maybe I should just start a 'What Ron ate today' Thread...

Actually, I didn't get Cheesesteak yesterday, we did Chinese instead.
I did get that awesome Raspberry Choco Thingie that David brought me, though.

I had Broccoli Chicken (Extra,Extra,Extra Garlic-yy!!!)
Chicken Fried Rice and some of my friend Skylar's Chicken Chow Mein (I like Chicken...).


Then, when i got home, feeling a bit peckish...I had 2 Turkey sandwiches, then, seeing the box of chocolates, I had a Few Dark Chocolates... I must confess...(Wait, wrong thread) that I keep them handy to torture a certain girl on Webcam...Hehehe. I don't know why anyone would want to watch a fat guy eat chocolates on Webcam..Anyways.

I think I shall make meatloaf today (OK, Turkey Loaf, as I don't eat mammals, but still...), garlic mashed, maybe biscuits, and....sauteed green beans,scallions and mushrooms.

Oh, and my visiting parents brought chocolate cake...Dammit!!!



:happy:

-Uriel


----------



## Hole (Mar 18, 2009)

Uriel said:


> Hmm...Maybe I should just start a 'What Ron ate today' Thread...
> 
> Actually, I didn't get Cheesesteak yesterday, we did Chinese instead.
> I did get that awesome Raspberry Choco Thingie that David brought me, though.
> ...




Haha, you're so cute.


----------



## Hole (Mar 18, 2009)

Lavasse said:


> Sounds like me when I eat a sandwich while Im waiting for dinner to get done cooking lol



I sometimes do that!:blush:


----------



## Uriel (Mar 18, 2009)

Hole said:


> Haha, you're so cute.



That's not what you say when I'm teasing you, eating all of those (Yuck!) White Chocos...


Hole:'You had better not...those are my favorite'

Ron: (Holding up the aforementioned confectionary) 'What, this? I had better not...what?'

Hole: 'No fair!!! Moine!!!'

Ron: (Eating the alabaster abomination...I prefer dark...a proper chocolate) 'I'm doing this for your own good...'


Hole: 'Just how is that for MY good???'

Ron:' I dunno, I'm still working on that (Looks in the box) 'Is that a white chocolate covered raspberry one? Why yes, yes it is...'




-Uriel


----------



## escapist (Mar 18, 2009)

when instead of buying shorts you think, "Humm, maybe I should just get a Kilt then I can't blow out the seam."

Oh and for those interested: http://www.utilikilts.com/

Oh and check out the commercial, who wouldn't want this!


----------



## bigrugbybloke (Mar 19, 2009)

escapist said:


> when instead of buying shorts you think, "Humm, maybe I should just get a Kilt then I can't blow out the seam."
> 
> Oh and for those interested: http://www.utilikilts.com/
> 
> Oh and check out the commercial, who wouldn't want this!



and they do a "beer belly" cut - would do me just fine


----------



## fat hiker (Mar 24, 2009)

Yeah, the beer belly cut - too bad more jeans manufacturers wouldn't discover that!

And, did anybody notice that Utilikilts is having a sale just for BHMs? All in-stock Utilikilts, size 48 and up, are 25% off until April 17. "Because Big Boys need lovin' too"


----------



## fat hiker (Mar 24, 2009)

You know you're a BHM when...

you decide that two chocolate doughnuts is not enough of a snack with your morning coffee and order a six pack instead...


(six pack abs? Wouldn't you rather have a six pack of beer, or of doughnuts?)


----------



## fat hiker (Mar 24, 2009)

escapist said:


> when instead of buying shorts you think, "Humm, maybe I should just get a Kilt then I can't blow out the seam."
> 
> Oh and for those interested: http://www.utilikilts.com/



About not blowing out the seam - I note that Utilikilts advertises that, among other features, one of their advantages is that, for Thanksgiving dinner or other occasions, you can undo the snaps on the waistband COMPLETELY for 'expansion', and as long as you're wearing a belt, the kilt won't fall down and nothing will 'show' (because, like a Scottish wool kilt, utilikilts have lots of 'wraparound'). Click on the 'Original' utilikilt and see how they talk about Thanksgiving...

Hmm - sizes above 48 on sale, expansion room, beer gut cut... are these guys on side with BHMs, or what!


----------



## bigrugbybloke (Mar 24, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> Yeah, the beer belly cut - too bad more jeans manufacturers wouldn't discover that!
> 
> And, did anybody notice that Utilikilts is having a sale just for BHMs? All in-stock Utilikilts, size 48 and up, are 25% off until April 17. "Because Big Boys need lovin' too"



agree with you re the jeans mate! kilts are fascinating! size 60 for me around the belly but 48 below the belly. now where do i wear it? good to see the attempt to create beer gut cuts.


----------



## Tad (Mar 24, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> Yeah, the beer belly cut - too bad more jeans manufacturers wouldn't discover that!



If you ever find one who does do it well, please let us know!


----------



## bigrugbybloke (Mar 24, 2009)

edx said:


> If you ever find one who does do it well, please let us know!



yeah! it would be much easier on the gut!!


----------



## bigrugbybloke (Mar 24, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> About not blowing out the seam - I note that Utilikilts advertises that, among other features, one of their advantages is that, for Thanksgiving dinner or other occasions, you can undo the snaps on the waistband COMPLETELY for 'expansion', and as long as you're wearing a belt, the kilt won't fall down and nothing will 'show' (because, like a Scottish wool kilt, utilikilts have lots of 'wraparound'). Click on the 'Original' utilikilt and see how they talk about Thanksgiving...
> 
> Hmm - sizes above 48 on sale, expansion room, beer gut cut... are these guys on side with BHMs, or what!



does sound like fathiker doesnt it? glad to be honest


----------



## fat hiker (Mar 25, 2009)

bigrugbybloke said:


> agree with you re the jeans mate! kilts are fascinating! size 60 for me around the belly but 48 below the belly. now where do i wear it? good to see the attempt to create beer gut cuts.



Oh, you wear the kilt under the belly, judging by all the fat guys I see in kilts at Highland games and Scottish Country Dances.


----------



## Lavasse (Mar 25, 2009)

You know your a BHM if you've veer sat down to fast and sat on your own nuts.


----------



## escapist (Mar 26, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> About not blowing out the seam - I note that Utilikilts advertises that, among other features, one of their advantages is that, for Thanksgiving dinner or other occasions, you can undo the snaps on the waistband COMPLETELY for 'expansion', and as long as you're wearing a belt, the kilt won't fall down and nothing will 'show' (because, like a Scottish wool kilt, utilikilts have lots of 'wraparound'). Click on the 'Original' utilikilt and see how they talk about Thanksgiving...
> 
> Hmm - sizes above 48 on sale, expansion room, beer gut cut... are these guys on side with BHMs, or what!



Where you already a fan or did I convert you? I had a professor here in Las Vegas that always wore one on Test days. He was a bit out there but I'm not hatin' I'm one of the few who even passed his class let alone got a B or better.

LOL OK man if you guys are buying I need to get you on my account so I get Credit LOL! No really I'm not joking!


----------



## dvbranton (Mar 29, 2009)

You know you are a BHM when:

You dare not to try to sit in a plastic lawn chair

You go to Mcdonalds and tell the person you will have one of everything and they believe you (did that one today as a joke)


----------



## fat hiker (Mar 30, 2009)

escapist said:


> Where you already a fan or did I convert you? I had a professor here in Las Vegas that always wore one on Test days. He was a bit out there but I'm not hatin' I'm one of the few who even passed his class let alone got a B or better.
> 
> LOL OK man if you guys are buying I need to get you on my account so I get Credit LOL! No really I'm not joking!



Oh, no, I was already a fan - I do Scottish Country Dance, have a good friend who got married in a kilt (the groom's party were all in kilts, the bridesmaids all wore pantsuits!), and I've been plotting on how to afford a Utilikilt for some time, and whether it comes before or after the dress kilt in the family tartan...

...and I've seen them on display here at Scottish Highland Games festivals

If I buy, I'll let you know, so you can claim 'credit'.


----------



## Uriel (Mar 30, 2009)

You know you are a BHM when...


... you go to a cookie shop, and order 2 dozen cookies...and the girl behind the counter tells you that if you buy 3 dozen, the fourth dozen is free. And you get it (D'uh, great deal)...And then you say 'And for my friend here' (Pointing at friend)...and the girl doesn't even Blink, even though you were joking, since you were buying cookies for about 6 people. Hehehe



-Uriel


----------



## fat hiker (Apr 30, 2009)

I was reading the discussion of BHMs and powerlifting that bigrugbybloke started, when another entry for this column came to me.

You know you are a BHM when...

you have by far the best benchpress of all your gym buddies, but it is still less than your weight!


----------



## bigrugbybloke (Apr 30, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> I was reading the discussion of BHMs and powerlifting that bigrugbybloke started, when another entry for this column came to me.
> 
> You know you are a BHM when...
> 
> you have by far the best benchpress of all your gym buddies, but it is still less than your weight!


#

lol and being 300 ish it would be bigger and so a 500lb guy?! me and you too buddy!


----------



## cammy (Apr 30, 2009)

All your footwear can be slipped-on.


----------



## escapist (Apr 30, 2009)

bigrugbybloke said:


> #
> 
> lol and being 300 ish it would be bigger and so a 500lb guy?! me and you too buddy!



Been there done that.



cammy said:


> All your footwear can be slipped-on.



I'm soooo guilty of that all except my boots.
-------------------------
You also know your a SSBHM when your roll out of chairs and just give up all together on sitting up anymore.

Or when You eat a Chicken bake and Mocha Freeze while you wait for your Pizza at Costco then eat the Pizza in the car cause you still can't wait to get home with it.

Or hell ok years ago (like back in High School) when i was a farm boy I used to use my Belly Flap to hold my Rag while I was milking the cows.

Or keeping with the years ago theme, in Football your belly would find a way of flopping out of those Shinny Ass SKIN TIGHT Football Pants!

:blush:


----------



## cammy (May 4, 2009)

A regular sized bath towel just doesn't cut it.


----------



## escapist (May 5, 2009)

cammy said:


> A regular sized bath towel just doesn't cut it.



That's why I go for the MegaTowel.


----------



## warwagon86 (May 5, 2009)

escapist said:


> Or keeping with the years ago theme, in Football your belly would find a way of flopping out of those Shinny Ass SKIN TIGHT Football Pants!
> 
> :blush:



hahaha mine does that today however i must say playing both ways has toned me upa bit but still this made me laugh haha


----------



## WillSpark (May 5, 2009)

cammy said:


> A regular sized bath towel just doesn't cut it.



I'm not even that big by comparison to some of these guys and I don't use a regular bath towel.  Beach-style towels FTW!


----------



## bigrugbybloke (May 6, 2009)

warwagon86 said:


> hahaha mine does that today however i must say playing both ways has toned me upa bit but still this made me laugh haha



plenty of skin tight football shirts here too for us bigger bellied lads. apparently i need a 5xl this year  

i think they are getting smaller and tighter each year, but the need for a 5xl as opposed to a 3xl last year excites me.


----------



## fat hiker (May 6, 2009)

Lavasse said:


> Sounds like me when I eat a sandwich while Im waiting for dinner to get done cooking lol



I overheard a conversation yesterday that made me think of this thread - my teenage son had two friends over, one of whom is quite a standard-sized teen, and the other...well, 'Jimmuh' is definitely on his way to BHM-dom, 15 years old and well into the 200+ pound range on a 5'9" or so frame. But the what made me remember this part of the thread was the conversation, when 'Jimmuh' remarked that he was hungry and the third guy riposted that he was ALWAYS hungry, whereupon my son mentioned that they had been at Scout camp tgether, and half way through a meal 'Jimmuh' declared that he was hungry and started asking about what the following meal would be!

So, you know you are a BHM when...

...in the middle of one meal you're still hungry enought to begin planning and anticipating the next meal!


----------



## cammy (May 6, 2009)

You change into sweats the moment you get home...the ones with the blown out elastic.


----------



## Lavasse (May 11, 2009)

When you look at your belt in the morning and tell it to "Go fuck itself"


----------



## fat hiker (Jun 15, 2009)

(I'm thinking of our good buddy Escapist here.)

You know you are a BHM when....

your doctor tells you you need to lose weight for the sake of your health, and you ought to get down to 400 (!) pounds at most...


----------



## StarWitness (Jun 15, 2009)

When StarWitness is sitting outside your house in her car, armed with binoculars and a camera.


----------



## BigJB1974 (Jun 17, 2009)

When you are in your car you cough and, your belly honks the horn.


----------



## Tad (Jun 18, 2009)

When you are asked to let yourself be filmed running along the beach, to be played back in slow-motion for all those FFA who never felt fulfilled by Baywatch.

(for serious, someone should do this for you-tube!)


----------



## xxeell (Sep 6, 2009)

When you sit down on the couch, then get mad because the remote is halfway across the room. :}


----------



## WillSpark (Sep 6, 2009)

I'm not sure that's just a BHM thing.


----------



## Melian (Sep 7, 2009)

WillSpark said:


> I'm not sure that's just a BHM thing.



Yeah. I actually feel that using the remote is too much work, and would like some kind of neural implant so I could change the channels with my mind.


----------



## WillSpark (Sep 7, 2009)

Melian said:


> Yeah. I actually feel that using the remote is too much work, and would like some kind of neural implant so I could change the channels with my mind.



Yeah, that and something that allows me to pick up things psychic-ly are at the top of my list.


----------



## kilo riley (Sep 8, 2009)

cammy said:


> When you measure more around than tall.



lol i'm getting there


----------



## Buffetbelly (Sep 11, 2009)

This scale is just not working for me.....


----------



## cammy (Sep 14, 2009)

When you're into the Levi's that don't post the waist size on the outside leather label.


----------



## escapist (Sep 14, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> (I'm thinking of our good buddy Escapist here.)
> 
> You know you are a BHM when....
> 
> your doctor tells you you need to lose weight for the sake of your health, and you ought to get down to 400 (!) pounds at most...



Hahahah man its soooo true! I might even get bold and try for 380 

-----------------------------------
You know you are a SSBHM when....

...you think your being punked by someone, cause your seatbelt's are getting smaller and smaller every day too the point you just can't use one anymore.

...you start using two chairs to sit on for support. I mean one for each ass cheek just makes sense to me.

...you carefully inspect the structural integrity of any item that might have to endure your weight.

...you start to suspect that people are drawn to you not by your personality but pure gravitational forces!


----------



## Lavasse (Sep 22, 2009)

The scale says 480 and your first thought is "Holy Shit I lost weight"


----------



## fat hiker (Sep 23, 2009)

Lavasse said:


> The scale says 480 and your first thought is "Holy Shit I lost weight"




I think merely owning a scale that goes to 480 above is a sign of BHMness.


----------



## Tad (Sep 23, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> I think merely owning a scale that goes to 480 above is a sign of BHMness.



I've given out too much rep in the past 24 hours, blah-blah-blah. Please consider yourself virtually repped for this one--nearly made me spit out my tea!


----------



## Lavasse (Sep 24, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> I think merely owning a scale that goes to 480 above is a sign of BHMness.



To be fair not my scale its the one my buddy uses in his scrap business. Still better than using the scale at the wood yard like I used to.


----------



## Tad (Sep 24, 2009)

Lavasse said:


> To be fair not my scale its the one my buddy uses in his scrap business. Still better than using the scale at the wood yard like I used to.



OK, I'm going to paraphrase Hiker here: I think merely weighing yourself at the scrap yard is a sign of BHMness


----------



## Tad (Sep 25, 2009)

When the office is being re-layed out, and they come measure the gap between your desk and the next one as their standard of how much space they need (obviously on the theory that if you can fit through well enough, it is obviously good enough for anyone else).

* thank goodness we don't have any pear shaped BBW here, or they'd arrive next week to find they couldn't get between the desks!


----------



## fat hiker (Sep 28, 2009)

Tad said:


> When the office is being re-layed out, and they come measure the gap between your desk and the next one as their standard of how much space they need (obviously on the theory that if you can fit through well enough, it is obviously good enough for anyone else).
> 
> * thank goodness we don't have any pear shaped BBW here, or they'd arrive next week to find they couldn't get between the desks!



Now, this one made me laugh too! And I've repped you too much lately, apparently, so consider yourself virtually repped...


----------



## fat hiker (Jan 4, 2010)

Extra fat guy posted elsewhere:
"Also I am holding the towel up with my belly because its to small to go around me."!!

You know you are a BHM when....

the towel is too small to go all the way around you, but it's OK, you can hold it up with your belly!


----------



## escapist (Jan 4, 2010)

You know you are a BHM when....

- You sit on your girlfriend and your ass is on her breast and your belly button is on her knees! :blush:

- You start looking at king sized bedsheets for the possibility's of being stitched into some kind of a shirt since you can't shop at the store anymore.

- Everybody under 300 lbs just looks small and tiny to you.


----------



## Sixe (Jan 5, 2010)

You know you are a BHM when....

When Sir Isaac Newton stares at you and cries.

When the words "Quick" and "Run" only imply to you when the words "Free" and "Food" are used.

When ordering take-out becomes science.


----------



## stldpn (Jan 5, 2010)

you know you're a bhm when...

you can do the fat man in a little coat dance with a 2xl button down


----------



## escapist (Jan 6, 2010)

stldpn said:


> you know you're a bhm when...
> 
> you can do the fat man in a little coat dance with a 2xl button down



LOL Man, they don't even make coats that fit me at the Big and Tall anymore!


----------



## stldpn (Jan 7, 2010)

escapist said:


> LOL Man, they don't even make coats that fit me at the Big and Tall anymore!



yeah but to me... the fat man in a little coat dance requires a coat that is at least 3 sizes too small... faking the inability to put your arms parallel to your shoulders shouldn't be an option... and you shouldn't have to flex or strain to pop the seams... just mho


----------



## Twoton (Jan 8, 2010)

I used to be an 8X so I could do the Fat guy in a little coat dance with a 3 room tent.:wubu:

though now its a 2xl lol

oh and you know your a BHM when you're the one sitting on the floor atop a pile of splitters at the dinner table. not a fun time. Especially since no one could even help me up I just kinda rolled around till I freed myself of the wreckage.


----------



## escapist (Jan 9, 2010)

You know your an SSBHM when at the end of the your you tally up how much furniture you broke last year.

...lets see, I'm at 3 couches, and 6 chairs and 1 bed.


----------



## Bhm4life (Jan 16, 2010)

You know you are a BHM when the floor gives away while you weighing yourself at a weight watchers meeting.


----------



## mischel (Jan 17, 2010)

escapist said:


> You know your an SSBHM when at the end of the your you tally up how much furniture you broke last year.
> 
> ...lets see, I'm at 3 couches, and 6 chairs and 1 bed.



Only one bed?? Wow... you must have had lots of sex then..^^
At least, one time more than me last year :eat1:.

Anyway:

You know your SSBHM, when you squeeze his lovehandels and notice you have turned his legs to jelly.


This happens all the time when i met up with a FFA... instant turn-on... gosh.. i miss that^^...


----------



## escapist (Jan 17, 2010)

mischel said:


> Only one bed?? Wow... you must have had lots of sex then..^^
> At least, one time more than me last year :eat1:.



LOL uhhhh yeah actually, that is exactly how that happend lol. After that I just put the mattress on the floor till I can make or find one that can hold me + other people.

I have a bed-frame in mind but I'm probably going to have to build it cause I need it for a King Sized Bed.


----------



## steadydecline (Jan 21, 2010)

mischel said:


> Only one bed?? Wow... you must have had lots of sex then..^^
> At least, one time more than me last year :eat1:.
> 
> Anyway:
> ...



Awww. Lovehandle squeezing is fun. 8D


----------



## WillSpark (Jan 21, 2010)

You know you're a BHM when your gut preceeds your reputation which preceeds you.


----------



## Weirdo890 (Jan 21, 2010)

You know you're a BHM when you go to put your belt on and it just says "No, I can't do this anymore."


----------



## ClockworkOrange (Jan 22, 2010)

You know you're a BHM when....

You order dinner for yourself and the delivery driver thinks you're having a party 

You're having a party and the delivery driver thinks you're ordering dinner for yourself

It takes 2 skateboards, one under each foot, to get the job done

You liken eating an entire large pizza to "having a slice or two"

Your couch fits your backside perfectly and it's not memory foam or anything 

Nobody at fast food places ask you if you want to make it a large, they just assume

You've had a brand new treadmill for 4 years

You enjoy popcorn with your butter

Tripping and falling is potentially lethal

Laptop computers aren't exactly practical anymore


----------



## Buffetbelly (Jan 23, 2010)

There are many very humorous exaggerations here, but I have one from actual real life.

The other day as I was leaving a buffet, my belt suddenly broke. Not the leather band, but the metal buckle. Clean break on the metal as I was walking down the street with a very full belly of spicy Indian food. Fortunately I am growing out of my overcoat too and it was so tight around my torso, like a sausage casing, that it kept my pants from dropping to my ankles. Had to hold up my pants by keeping my hands in my pockets for the rest of the day. 

I guess the metal of the buckle just couldn't cope with the massive tectonic forces built up by my belly apron.


----------



## escapist (Jan 24, 2010)

ClockworkOrange said:


> Tripping and falling is potentially lethal



See this is where having a martial arts background is important.

Yeah I can actually do this

lol ok, I was gonna just post that but the full story was I was out jogging in the woods 1 time and I tripped just did the "Zempo" technique I posted above, and just rolled right out of it and kept on running and made it look I meant to do it lol. I'm sure if I hadn't known how to instinctively do that roll from so much practice I would have eaten a face full of dirt.


----------



## Tyrael (Jan 25, 2010)

"in best english"

Most important rule!

*The best tools are always kept under a shed!*


----------



## Wanderer (Feb 1, 2010)

Tyrael said:


> "in best english"
> 
> Most important rule!
> 
> *The best tools are always kept under a shed!*



Thus why, in Australian, slang, a paunch is "the awning over the toy shop".


----------



## fat hiker (Feb 5, 2010)

Wanderer said:


> Thus why, in Australian, slang, a paunch is "the awning over the toy shop".



That is AWESOME!!!


----------



## BubbleButtBoy (Feb 6, 2010)

You snap to attention when your history professor mentions " FFA", but then are thoroughly disappointed to find out she meant the Future Farmers of America youth group.


----------



## fat hiker (May 26, 2011)

Bumping this to see if any more examples have popped up.... such as I saw last weekend.

You know you're a BHM when....

You have to sit sideways to sit at a picnic table...


----------



## imfree (May 26, 2011)

You need an XL-550 

View attachment 421.2!.jpg


View attachment My-Weigh-XL550-Talking-Bathroom-Scale-Top.jpg


----------



## FishCharming (May 26, 2011)

turning sideways actually hurts your chances of squeezing through a tight spot...


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## escapist (May 27, 2011)

You know your a SSBHM when you examine every place you sit to make sure it can hold you and still your pretty sure your better off on the floor.


....My God, Broke 4 Chairs at work this week :blush:


*** lol Post edit thought....

You're totally an SSBHM when you can say, "My God, Broke 4 Chairs at work this week".


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## chicken legs (May 28, 2011)

escapist said:


> You know your a SSBHM when you examine every place you sit to make sure it can hold you and still your pretty sure your better off on the floor.
> 
> 
> ....My God, Broke 4 Chairs at work this week :blush:
> ...



You know when you are a FFA when this turns you on.:blush::batting:

**tries to give a consoling hug without being perving**


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## escapist (May 28, 2011)

chicken legs said:


> You know when you are a FFA when this turns you on.:blush::batting:
> 
> **tries to give a consoling hug without being perving**



Thanks babe, but I'd understand if you gave a pervy consoling hug :wubu:


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## Sasquatch! (May 28, 2011)

You know you're a SSBHM when you can't stop Chickenlegs humping your leg.


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## imfree (May 28, 2011)

You know you're an SSBHM when a famous FFA Reps you for a ChiaKini pic! (ChiaGrin!)


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## escapist (May 28, 2011)

Sasquatch! said:


> You know you're a SSBHM when you can't stop Chickenlegs humping your leg.







ROFL, how did I miss that! So True, So True!

However the truth is it only seems like she is humping your leg but really it's the only part of your body small enough for her to straddle so she can fondle/perv on your ass and legs! :blush:


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## luvbigfellas (May 28, 2011)

escapist said:


> ROFL, how did I miss that! So True, So True!
> 
> However the truth is it only seems like she is humping your leg but really it's the only part of your body small enough for her to straddle so she can fondle/perv on your ass and legs! :blush:



Hey now, I may not be quite long legged enough to straddle a BHM's hips, but I'll sure as hell try! And have some fun in the process!


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## Goreki (May 29, 2011)

luvbigfellas said:


> Hey now, I may not be quite long legged enough to straddle a BHM's hips, but I'll sure as hell try! And have some fun in the process!


It's all about being flexible enough to do the splits, and agile enough to stay balanced. So I hear. My legs are loooong.


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## escapist (May 29, 2011)

luvbigfellas said:


> Hey now, I may not be quite long legged enough to straddle a BHM's hips, but I'll sure as hell try! And have some fun in the process!





Goreki said:


> It's all about being flexible enough to do the splits, and agile enough to stay balanced. So I hear. My legs are loooong.




With my 60" hips and a 74" belly I think the answer is a little bit of both feats...and damn that's hot! :wubu:


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## Goreki (May 30, 2011)

escapist said:


> With my 60" hips and a 74" belly I think the answer is a little bit of both feats...and damn that's hot! :wubu:


You just need to find yourself an ffa who is also a gymnast. You'd be set.


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## Sasquatch! (May 30, 2011)

Goreki said:


> You just need to find yourself an ffa who is also a gymnast. You'd be set.



A gymnast and a tailor(ess). She can be like "OMFG MEASUREMENTS" and somersault onto you.


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## fat hiker (Feb 8, 2016)

"*If you've ever been used as dead weight for a truck that can't get traction."

How** about when you're encouraging the other fat boys on the bus to join you in the back, so the bus has enough traction to get up the icy hill? (Our city has folding or articulated buses that have problems in the snow if there's not enough weight in the far back section..... bus drivers regularly ask passengers to crowd to the back when they lose traction - but BHMs can take pre-emptive action!)
*


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## dwesterny (Feb 13, 2016)

When every time you step into an elevator and everyone's eyes instantly go to the "Maximum Capacity" sign.


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## RentonBob (Feb 13, 2016)

dwesterny said:


> When every time you step into an elevator and everyone's eyes instantly go to the "Maximum Capacity" sign.


Haha... My eyes go there when I step on an elevator.


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## Crumbling (Sep 6, 2016)

They need a second scale to weigh you.


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## dwesterny (Sep 6, 2016)

Crumbling said:


> They need a second scale to weigh you.



Pretty much every doctor's office in the states has one of those thousand pound max scale in them these days! You just have to go to the special scale room when you max out the one in their office. Did this really happen to you? One foot on each scale?


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## Crumbling (Sep 6, 2016)

dwesterny said:


> Pretty much every doctor's office in the states has one of those thousand pound max scale in them these days! You just have to go to the special scale room when you max out the one in their office. Did this really happen to you? One foot on each scale?



Twice now. ... i just changed doctors.


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## dwesterny (Sep 6, 2016)

The collosus of Scotland. 

View attachment gallery-1452202029-colossus-of-rhodes-project.jpg


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## Crumbling (Sep 6, 2016)

Someone beat me to that title...


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## loopytheone (Sep 6, 2016)

Crumbling said:


> Someone beat me to that title...



What a view those guys underneath him must be getting! :doh:


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## Crumbling (Sep 6, 2016)

loopytheone said:


> What a view those guys underneath him must be getting! :doh:



it can't be pretty... he just passed a windmill...


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## Xyantha Reborn (Sep 7, 2016)

Ic to find his more funny as my hubby is forced to wear a kilt to a friend's wedding


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## fat hiker (Sep 7, 2016)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Ic to find his more funny as my hubby is forced to wear a kilt to a friend's wedding



Fat guys can look excellent in kilts: http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/f98/portly-fellow-ok-fat-guy-kilt-84182/


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## agouderia (Sep 7, 2016)

fat hiker said:


> Fat guys can look excellent in kilts: http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/f98/portly-fellow-ok-fat-guy-kilt-84182/



Indeed! Almost all BBWs look better in dresses/skirts than in pants - so why shouldn't BHMs???

The flow and drape of the material of a dress/skirt/kilt, the more varied options of fitting and fasting it at the most becoming point of the body just do more for the abundant body than those fussy pants with the complicated fit fo. 

Actually it takes a big guy to pull off a robe well. I live near a Saudi overseas academy - and we see lots of men in the traditional white thawb (looks like the Arab cousin of a 19th century night dress) around here, many of them really massive and perfectly globular. They look fabulous in these robes, very majestic and imposing, but perfectly relaxed. 
The skinny guys in contrast look like hospital patients or sheets hung out to dry - doesn't do anything for them.

So - SS/BHMs - rock the robes!


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## NOLAman (Sep 12, 2016)

Good topic! I've told some of my story here before, but here is is again in summary: 
I was married in my 50s to a high school sweetheart after being widowed. She is of italian heritage, a great cook, and a bit of an unacknowledged FA. I am about 6'1", and weighed about 180lbs when we got married almost 5 years ago. I then had an athletic build that hadn't changed really since college. My wife encouraged me to enjoy her terrific cooking, which I did, and gained 15lbs or so in the first few months. 

She continued to encourage me, often rubbing my belly and telling me that all the men in her family were big, and that she liked "a little extra" on her guy. I soon got up to 200lbs, and became conflicted about it when my doctor advised me to lose weight. I tried to lose some, found it very difficult, got frustrated, and ended up gaining a little more. 

I guess I first started to accept "BHM" status (although I didn't know what that meant at the time) when we were shopping together a couple of years ago, and we came on a mannequin modeling men's briefs. I was looking at it when she whispered to me, "You know, fat men look better in boxers." (I then bought 3 pairs of boxers and we had a great night, BTW!) 

Now I'm about 235 or so, and seem to be leveling off. As you might guess, I've got an entirely new wardrobe, having gone from a waist of 32" to almost 42", and a a suit size of 40L to about 46M. At 200, I was more barrel-chested. Now my belly has surpassed my chest (and I've developed small man boobs, which my wife seems to love) so I've accepted the fact that I'm a BHM, LOL!


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## fat hiker (Jun 19, 2018)

You know you're a BHM when...

You hear that Louis Vuitton has launched a new men's fragrance that must, must be meant for big guys like you...

After all, it's called:

*L'Immensité*

*!!*


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## agouderia (Jun 19, 2018)

I definitely need to look - or better smell - into that!

So far my favorite - both for statement as well as scent - was Platinum Égoiste by Chanel...


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## LeoGibson (Jun 19, 2018)

agouderia said:


> I definitely need to look - or better smell - into that!
> 
> So far my favorite - both for statement as well as scent - was Platinum Égoiste by Chanel...



I tried that one on your recommendation in another thread and it smells great! Unfortunately it hates my skin and body chemistry and within 20 minutes or so my skin ate it all away and it did not last at all.


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## agouderia (Jun 19, 2018)

Oh dear - I didn't remember that! I never intended to do perfume promotion around here . But it is my long term favorite - looks like I need to look into something new. 
But how any scent smells totally depends on a person's body chemistry. 
Like I can't wear perfumes with a certain synthetic oil as ingredient which seems to be pretty common - it smells like an aggressive detergent on me.

That's why I never give perfume as a present, unless I know someone very well - like my own mother. What I once did for a friend - in fresh divorce frustration mode - was finding a new scent for him. We tested a lot, narrowed it down to 2, went for coffee - to literally free our noses - then went back to make the final choice.


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## LeoGibson (Jun 19, 2018)

You didn’t recommend it directly to me, but yours and a few other ladies picks had me search some out. It was in a thread about scents. 

I wasn’t out much, I just bought small sample bottles that only come with about 3 wears in them. It helped me figure out that anything fresh or citrus-y smelling doesn’t work with my chemistry and most florals either. I was very sadddened that my skin also ate Green Irish Tweed in a matter of minutes as I really liked that scent. 

The ones that work for me are darker and spicier scents like Sauvage by Dior and Oddity by Rag and Bone. Yves St. Laurent por homme is one of the rare floral and fresh scents that works on me.


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