# Is High School always so bad for fat people? It always seems that way on TV



## butch (Jan 12, 2008)

Just finished watching "Queen Sized" on Lifetime, and about halfway through it, I really started to wonder why anything on TV having to do with fat teenagers portrays high school as the ninth circle of hell?

My high school years weren't awful, I was never the target of bullies, and while I wasn't homecoming queen, I was friends with the homecoming queen and did actually get asked to my prom. I never hung out with the popular kids, but I had friends in just about every other group at school, and I never wanted to hang out with the popular kids to begin with. On the whole, my high school experiences were good, and I don't think they would have been much different had I been thin, actually.

So, I wonder-is this a reality, or a stereotype, the idea that fat teens will always be singled out for ridicule by the popular kids, and that school is always really really hard, socially, for fat teens? 

Is it a good thing for TV programs to focus on fat teens and bullying, or does it just perpetrate a stereotype that all fat kids are going to have really bad school experiences and that they are always going to be picked on? This sort of default attitude, that all fat kids are victims of teasing, almost seems to say that fat kids _should_ be picked on, because 'thats just the way it is' and that doesn't seem like a good thing. 

I'm curious-what were your high school experiences like, and how do you think TV has portrayed fat life in high school?


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 12, 2008)

High school for me, WAS, to put it simply, hell. It was ten times worse than they portray it on TV. In fact, all school up until college was that way for me.

I endured relentless teasing, bullying (both physical and verbal), and worse.

I was pushed through ice to the point I had to get stitches; I was literally stoned by the kids in my neighborhood, almost to the point of losing consciousness; I was shunned and humiliated my last two years of high school because someone started a rumor that I was gay (and being fat AND gay was unforgivable); I was repeatedly knocked down in the hallways; I had the books knocked out of my arms; I had stink bombs thrown at my feet; I was pushed into the mud outside and had to call my mother to bring me fresh clothes so many times the school nurse knew me by name... and the verbal torment I endured day after day goes without saying.

Yeah. Honestly, I think for many of us, it's reality - even glossed-over reality.

All this, and yet...I'm a positive, upbeat person today. Maybe because I realized there was life AFTER public school.


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## gangstadawg (Jan 12, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> High school for me, WAS, to put it simply, hell. It was ten times worse than they portray it on TV. In fact, all school up until college was that way for me.
> 
> I endured relentless teasing, bullying (both physical and verbal), and worse.
> 
> ...


you should have been kicking ALOT of ass back then.


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## AnnMarie (Jan 13, 2008)

I hear a story like Ginny's and know it's a "there but for the grace of God... " issue. 

I had a tormented 8th grade at the hand of two bullies. But beyond that incident, and the random "fat ass" yell from some strange kid or whatever... I was unharmed. 

I never dated, but I had an active social life, a large group of friends, and was never without something to do on nights and weekends. I think being involved in theater saved my life, honestly. It gave me a sense of identity, a group of like minded "outcasts" in one way or another, and a place to put my energy. It took up so much of time, I hardly remember my high school life outside running lines, rehearsals, building sets, and then doing it all over again for the next show. 

So, while I was the fattest girl in my class... in my high school of 1200+ students, I was incredibly fortunate. I know people who lived through hellish things, and I feel terrible for them. Getting through high school is hard when it's the BEST possible circumstances, but add in daily harassment and you've got a nightmare in the making.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 13, 2008)

Yeah, you're both right - but, had I not gone through that, I might not have been the person I am today. And I'm pretty damn happy with who I am. 

<3 me.


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## bexy (Jan 13, 2008)

*i think its very different here and it also depends on the school you go to.
i went to a very strict private school, and they had a MASSIVE anti bullying campaign. it did not however extend to poor people like me who won a scholarship to go to the school and didnt pay the £4000 a year to go there.

i was teased, not bullied, for my clothes, my family, my fathers job (he was a gardener), for being poor, for not being able to go on the ski trips or afford my own double bass!

however i was never teased for my weight. and i was not a lot lighter in school than i am now. i was the biggest girl in my year, probably school but my personality outshone it. i dated and had a lot of male friends, however did not make friends with the girls easily.*


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## butch (Jan 13, 2008)

Gosh, Ginny, I really am angry at how you were treated in school. I have no comprehension of why people would act that way, and so frustrated to know that this behavior seems to be acceptable to so many people. No wonder so many people hate fat so much-they grow up in an environment that makes fat hatred and fat bullying seem commonplace, why would anyone question it?

I've said it here on these boards before, but I'll say it again, SA/FA organizations need to find a way to track instances of bullying, and of teen suicide attempts, in fat kids/teens. I think when we have an idea of the prevalence of fat bullying, and of the possible consequences of that behavior (depression, suicide, addiction, social anxiety disorder, etc), then maybe this could help stem the tide of fat bullying.

Thank you for sharing your story, Ginny, and I am so glad you are the person you are today-warm, smart, confident, and beautiful. I just wish you didn't have to endure so much to become so special.


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## Ash (Jan 13, 2008)

I went to a very, very small high school. My graduating class only had 50 students. Small. 

So I guess I was lucky. I was involved in theater, too, and it kept me really busy. Since the class was so small, we were all friends. I don't really recall any major issues. I remember one of my guy friends telling me I had a tank ass once, but I just slapped him and told him to keep his eyes off of my ass. He laughed, I laughed, and we were cool. 

I didn't really date in high school, but that was partly because my brother (who was a year behind me) was (and still is) fiercely protective of me. His best friend was a total FA, too, and I had a serious crush on him. Sad. 

I did hear stuff through my brothers every once in a while. One kid on Andy's soccer team called me a whale, apparently, and Andy kicked his ass. Adam, on the other hand, was the one usually making the comments. Little turd. 

But overall my high school experience was a good one. I'd love to go back to that time for just a few days, if only for the fun of doing musicals again.


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## ashmamma84 (Jan 13, 2008)

My highschool years weren't bad at all -- I was popular, on homecoming court, in advanced placement classes, etc. Everyone knew who I was...I definitely wasn't teased for being heavier at all. I think if anything, the most difficult thing I had to endure was coming to terms with my sexuality.


And Ginny -- those cowards are lucky I wasn't in school with you. I'm not 'hood at all, but it would have been some furniture moving if I saw what was going down. Ugh...some people suck!


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## bexy (Jan 13, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Yeah, you're both right - but, had I not gone through that, I might not have been the person I am today. And I'm pretty damn happy with who I am.
> 
> <3 me.



*those jackasses are the balding jocks appearing on jerry springer these days so karma will get em in the end!

meanwhile you are uber cool and have a tiara yey!

my bf was bullied at school every single day due to his stutter, and if i ever ever saw the people that did it, lets just say i would do time. i think i would kill them with my bare hands.
he was bullied so bad and beaten so bad, he is convinced he wont be able to have kids...graphic i know but lets just say thats the part of him they focused on.
BUT he is a wonderful person and not bitter in anyway, unlike the bullies themselves one of whom is 23 with 5, yes 5 kids and no respect or character to speak of.*


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## Friday (Jan 13, 2008)

There wasn't the kind of blatant bullying that Ginny describes, but there was a lot of covert stuff. Not just because of size, but any time a person was different. I remember one guy they tormented unmercifully because he'd had such a growth spurt that his head looked way too big for his almost stick figure body. I wasn't big when I was in high school, but we had our own little group that annoyed most of the 'regular' groups because we didn't fit into the pre-established parameters for any of them. Fat people, skinny people, stoners, bookworms, jocks and hippies, pretty much anyone was welcome in our 'clique' and we were very protective of each other. 30+ years later, most of us are still in touch.


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## Ned Sonntag (Jan 13, 2008)

High School needs Fat-Thin Alliances...:kiss2:


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 13, 2008)

High school was OK. Junior high and grade school were hell. I don't even like to think about it.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jan 13, 2008)

I was never teased growing up, not for being fat at least. For being poor? Not being able to afford $90 jeans? Yup I got that, at least until I hit middle school. Never was made fun of for being fat though, I was lucky I guess.


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## Aireman (Jan 13, 2008)

Brings up a lot of old bad stuff for me. I don't know how the grade lavels for you but, we had Junior High 7th and 8th grades. Absolute Hell! I was hardly fat but the fattest in my school and it was the lonelyest time of my life. I literally had to hide out between classes. I visited the school Princible so often for being in fights (won most). I felt like a pariah. That carried over onto the next school level through 9th and 10th grades. Finally got through the final two grades with some sort of normalcy.


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## Keb (Jan 13, 2008)

I enjoyed high school--a lot. Part of that may be that I was in the advanced courses, and part of that was that I had three teachers whose classes I never dreaded. I had given up on having a "best friend" by then (we were military, but even without moving states I'd moved between schools so often for advanced classes or had my friends move away so often that it was impossible to keep a friend for many years) but I had lots of people that I could hang out with and talk to, in my classes and at lunch. Nobody in the Christian prayer group or in the nerdy Magic: The Gathering card playing group treated me any differently because I was fat--at least not that I was aware of. I got along fine with the people in the drama department, the creative writing class, the language clubs, and made good friends my senior year when I took "regular" physics instead of advanced so I could focus on my other classes, and wound up teaching everyone in my group the whole year because the teacher sucked. 

I certainly wasn't popular, perhaps more because I was always a bit introverted and spent more time reading than trying to figure out makeup and boys, but I never felt specifically left out of anything I wanted to be part of. I probably was completely oblivious of some stuff. I was somewhat paranoid of other stuff (it took me a while to convince myself that the kids laughing in the hallway as I went by weren't laughing at me...or were they anyway?) and there were a few incidents, though they generally occurred in classes where I wasn't among the overachievers. I do remember how a couple of the girls in my freshman art class teased me for not shaving my legs (My mother didn't think 14 was old enough to be doing that, but I started when I hit my birthday that year in part to shut them up), and feeling like I couldn't admit to my crushes because I knew they'd be mercilessly teased. I asked a friend of mine, who wasn't a senior, to prom, and we wound up playing cards because the music all sucked and we couldn't dance to it. We had a lot more fun, I think. (I also slapped a guy who'd been a bit of a jerk all along for bothering us when we did try to dance--I'm still shocked I didn't get into trouble for that.)

But I never really paid attention to cliques or anything. My school was so big (my tiny graduating class had 435 members and was the smallest in the school) that everyone ran in a few circles, and people racked up as many of the million clubs as they could for college purposes. So I didn't think of anyone as particularly popular (except perhaps our class president, who was gorgeous, did brilliantly in all the advanced classes, was homecoming queen, and deserved every bit of it because she was also super friendly), and those that did tease me I mostly wrote off as jerks and avoided--it wasn't too hard.

Junior high wasn't as good, and I did face some teasing, but I also served on the student council and had a lot of fun there. I don't know if the two boys who were sexually harrassing me in 8th grade shop class were doing it because I was the teacher's pet (they were right, he did seem to favor me, though I think it was because I had some experience with shop stuff) or because I was overweight, but I'll bet anything they didn't approach the A I got in the class. And they knew full well that I could have done just about anything to them and they'd have been the ones to get into trouble--they told me so. So in retrospect I just feel sorry for them--look at the power I had by just being myself!

I do wish I'd gone on more dates, but since it would have been with high school guys I'm not sure how much it would have been worth in the long run. They need a lot more growing up to be really interesting, for the most part.

Nobody likes high school all the time. I used to compare to prison a lot. But all in all it was a good prison and I was not made miserable by my peers. Maybe it was the size of my school, maybe it was my personality, I dunno. Real life seems a lot more scary.


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## Heavy_Cream (Jan 13, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> High school for me, WAS, to put it simply, hell. It was ten times worse than they portray it on TV. In fact, all school up until college was that way for me.
> 
> I endured relentless teasing, bullying (both physical and verbal), and worse.
> 
> ...




----That is absolutely heartbreaking. I am so sorry. I wish your parents would have done something to help you and protect you, even if it meant homeschooling you. I can imagine the pain you were put through...that is so terrible.


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## cute_obese_girl (Jan 13, 2008)

I never was teased in high school for being fat, and I really think that was due to the population make up of our school. We had a very diverse student body and most of us were middle to lower economic class. There was not one group that was the majority, which meant no one was oppressed. However, when we went to an away game, I would sometimes get people namecalling. Those high schools always had very little in the way of diversity and were mostly upper or upper middle economic class. Was that difinitively the reason? I don't know. It's just an observation.


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## moore2me (Jan 13, 2008)

I was in smaller, rural schools mostly, until the 7th grade, when we moved to a large city and I was enrolled in an extremely large, public, all-white, junior high. And yes, it was the like being in the lower circles of hell. I was chased and bullied by football players, called at home & made fun of by some of the girl gangs, had messages written about me in the school paper, even some of the teachers wanted to put me in with the special ed kids. I still remember trying to hide my fatness during changing & showering in gym class.

But, the saying goes "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and it did - years later. I wouldn't want to do it again. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. I think that rite of adolescence should be abolished & is partly one of the reasons some kids "snap" and go postal. I really don't remember anyone standing up for me during the bad times and I only had a few friends (borderline) that I had to work very hard to keep.

High school was a little better. I was a loner and found ways to avoid people, worked as a teacher's assistant, got a job after school so I left early, got in a neighbor carpool so didn't have to ride the bus, volunteered in some geek activities that kept me seperated from the majority of students. Fortunately, most of the other students had moved on to more important things (sex, drugs, 60's hippie stuff, Vietnam) and I went below most of their radar. But thanks to the trauma of the same people being there from junior high things never were quite right. And I will never go to a high school reunion. I would rather eat a dead rat!


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## 1300 Class (Jan 13, 2008)

> My high school years weren't awful, I was never the target of bullies... I never hung out with the popular kids, but I had friends in just about every other group at school, and I never wanted to hang out with the popular kids to begin with. On the whole, my high school experiences were good, and I don't think they would have been much different had I been thin, actually.





> I never was teased in high school for being fat, and I really think that was due to the population make up of our school. We had a very diverse student body and most of us were middle to lower economic class. There was not one group that was the majority, which meant no one was oppressed. However, when we went to an away game, I would sometimes get people namecalling.



My high school years were pretty much the same sort of thing. 

I was probably the fattest person (within the student body), or at least right near the top, but it was never really an issue, and usually if any shit was flying about, it was for other reasons and by golly, I gave it back just as good as I got it. So things were pretty good on it, most of the time.


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## IwannabeVERYfat (Jan 13, 2008)

my high school years were not too bad, I got teased occasionally, but I was always able to defend myself very well


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## indy500tchr (Jan 13, 2008)

I had an experience a lot like Ginny's however not as physical. I've been overweight my entire life. When I lived in a small town, very small farm town and went to a small school for grades K-4 it didn't make a difference. I was one of the popular kids and a leader of the group. 

However, when we moved to a much bigger city and went to a much bigger more white-collar, upper/middle class it started 8 years of pure social hell. The kids were relentless. Always snickering and saying things to me. Treating me as a social outcast. Resulting in me trying to kill myself twice in seventh grade. I had maybe one or two friends in grade school but they weren't always there for me.

High school was worse. Now I had 700 kids to poke fun at me. I went to a very affluent Catholic high school. I am not lying there were maybe 3 or 4 girls who were overweight and I was the biggest. I spent 4 years of getting yelled at and made fun of as I walked down the crowded halls by the boys. Guys would come up and poke me and laugh or they would jump out of the way when I was walking down the hall to "make room for the whale". Daily teasing takes a toll on your self-esteem and I started to internalize everthing and thought I was a worthless piece of shit even though I knew deep deep down I wasn't.

I never had any real friends. I never went to parties, nor were invited to any. I went to one formal because I asked the boy. I think we danced once and the rest of the time he was off with his friends and I just sat there on the side talking to whoever was sitting next to me...if they wanted to speak w/ me. I wanted to be social and boy did I sure try but when you've got jerks and fakes to work with it is near impossible. I didn't even get to go to prom. That is one thing that I really regret. So you won't see me go to any class reunions soon. I've already skipped my 10 year.

Thank GOD after High School I met intelligent and mature people who saw me for who I was and didn't care that they were friends with somebody who was bigger than them.


So to answer the OP's question. YES High School IS that bad.


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## Sweet Tooth (Jan 13, 2008)

I didn't get around to posting this and this yesterday when I first saw it in the paper alongside an article about Queen Sized.

On a personal note, I had my moments of being teased or harassed in high school, but I was a nerd and band geek so my life was different from the popular fat girl and decidedly better from the fat kids who didn't have academics or activities going for them. People who were going to bully another didn't pick something truly creative or interesting. They'd just go for the obvious target, mine being my weight. I think the worst moment of high school size-wise had more to do with uniforms for band than anything, and that was more about teachers who wouldn't order enough large uniforms for all the fat kids and the bigger uniforms were very much for fat guys [not for girls like me with very thick thighs and smaller waists].

When I was teaching, I know plenty of teachers would stand idly by while students got picked on. Maybe they felt it was character building. Whenever possible, I'd let someone know that their comments weren't okay. I hope I also gave some of the fat girls in my classes an example of a confident, happy fat woman. Now, as a "principal" [not my official title as it's adult education for ages 16 and up], I see very little bullying but I do make sure my classrooms are as fat friendly as I can make them. These students had a rough time around their first time through high school. They don't need to keep going through that now.


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## qwertyman173 (Jan 13, 2008)

From what I remember from school people were not really bullied for their shape or size, but for being different, such as hardworking or quiet. If somebody was just fat they would not be bullied really, but if they were fat and clever the taunts would come.

The teachers just used to turn a blind eye to it. Nobody ever got into serious trouble individually over it. It was viewed as "character building" almost, and seen as just part of growing up


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## bigsexy920 (Jan 13, 2008)

For me there were good times and bad times. I had gone to 8th grade public school after years at a catholic school - I have to say that even with the small # if children at catholic school the detrayal I felt there was far worse than the what I ever really delt with in High school. I liked the same boy as the "popular" girl and well I think he liked me - we always spent time playing around at school and after school and weekends. He taught me how to shoot a B B gun. I was sorta a tom boy with boobs. Anyway one day I heard a group of girls I thought were my friends all in the bathroom talking about me - they didnt know I was in the stall waiting for them to leave to - well you know- Anyway I was in tears at the hurtful things they had said about me and pretty much only because I liked the same boy she did. It has taught me a life lesson that women horrible to each other for the most part. Well maybe they are not but that moment in my life formed my opinion on the subject. 

As for high school I think I got by on my sence of humor. I was an average student I didn't cause trouble. I was friendly with a lot of differnt groups, of course there were a few boys that would make fun of me but I'd dish it right back - I was mouthy -And being 5'10 and 280 -320 throughout high school not alot of people messed with me. 

I didn't date in HS at all I only went to the prom casue my mother said I really should. I didn't go to all the happening parties, but I did have my own parties and my closer friends would come and for some reason all the latin men would come to may parties me and my girfriends would call them the latin connection. I was also a regular at roller skating every weekend at the rink. Again me and a few of my girls would go Friday and Sat night So all in all for me HS was ok. 

Ginny I wish we had gone to school together I could have been you body guard. Some thing tells me I would have been in a lot of fights. The other thing about HS was I always looked out for the underdog. 

I cant believe that people were allowed to treat you that way without getting in trouble. I mean tears came to my eyes reading that. These days your draw a picture that looks like it may be viloent and you get susupended.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jan 13, 2008)

The degree to which one is tortured is related to the fatness. Chubby teenagers get through ok for the most part, but the fat ones go through serious hell...and if those fat ones happen to be from a very poor family, watch out.

Things did get better as I got older, but that's mostly because I disguised myself as a stoner/druggie and dropped out of school in California. I went on independent study and did well. My parents then moved me to Idaho, where the high school was only 400 kids....I actually became popular there.

Before those times though, are the times on junior high where I was bullied by everyone, including those who claim to be friends. They used to pull my pants down, point and laugh at me and I was the one who was told to "calm down and behave". I had big rocks thrown at me, I was followed home from school on several occasions being taunted and frightened. I had my bra snapped nearly everyday, I was stabbed by pencils to see how deep in the fat it would go, I was called names and shouted at everyday, kids would spread nasty untrue rumours about me. Even the chubby kids picked on me.

If I wasn't being teased for my weight, I would be teased about my clothes, which were ratty stretch pants and generic shoes. I grew up in a home that was literally $5 out of the bracket for welfare, and my dad worked! Had it not been for the mormon church we would have had many many hungry nights.

I would have loved to been chubby, but I was fat. In jr high school I was over 200 at 11 and over 275 at 14. Life was hell for me then. So much so that I had to eat lunch in the office for my own safety.

On TV things can be made a bit more dramatic, BUT since kids are more obese than they are chubby these days, I bet they are going through hell. 

Not fitting into the desks sets you apart more than most of you would know. I didn't fit into the desks in high school. Instead I was sat at the front of class with a table and chair. Talk about an easy target. 

Once I went to the dark side and started getting high off inhailants, I started making friends and people stopped picking on me. I was actually put in a class called REACH for troubled teens. I never though I fit in there cos the kids there had serious problems, but looking back, I can see why I was there. The kids there used to think I was on hardcore drugs, I loved that...it meant they thought I was cool.

That is fucking sad shit. I pretended to do hardcore drugs just to not be the ass end of a joke.

I no longer get high, I actually stopped doing that in my teenage years. Life has gotten better since then, but has also taken a hit since coming to the UK. I just realised why peoples attitudes get to me....it reminds me of this hellish time in my life.

If you met me today, you would have no idea that I had that past. I am a bit materialist, everything has to be a name brand...and that comes for being tortured from having crappy things as a child that I was made fun of for. Any time I see someone wearing velcro shoes, I can't help but cringe and the things I know people are thinking about them.

I am damaged goods because of other kids. I had several bullys. Even teachers in some instances. Whilst making macaroni art I was told in front of the class not to eat the art if I got too hungry. That was in 4th grade. I pretended to be sick and stayed home 2 weeks after that.

(sorry so random, I'm having flashbacks as I write this)

I'm going to stop now. But I think it is a mistake to think that people don't go through hell because of their weight just because someone smaller, didn't get any flack.


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## Keb (Jan 13, 2008)

Mm. I wasn't small. I still have a couple outfits from high school that I can wear. I was at least 300 pounds by the time I hit 18. And I've also learned that there are some people ('jerks') who will pick on anyone for any reason they can come up with. Fat's a good one. My little brother spent his childhood fighting off bullies who thought he was too scrawny, because he was always small for his age and really thin, and then one day in high school realized he was the average size for an adult male and it felt really -weird- because he was so used to be little. 

Young people who are insecure about themselves and of that sort of nature bully others. It's just that simple. Being fat makes you a good target, because it's a nice visible 'flaw' and even the teachers might agree you need to lose weight and think the bullying might help you see that. But you can be teased for being dumb, too smart, rich, poor, anything that makes you different enough that a bully can come up with an insult for it. So maybe it's not just about being fat.


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## BigCutieSasha (Jan 13, 2008)

I think for some high school can be hell. I was always personally upset about my weight but I hardly ever was made to feel bad about it. No guys at my school asked me out or to dances, but I was never hazed for my size. I had friends in every circle which probably helped. Popular, jocks, parks rats, anyone really. But I choose to hang out with groups who were most like me and who wouldn't pretend to me something they weren't just to be cool. 
I was surprised my senior year when I was put on the winter formal court for queen. I didn't think a girl of my size could ever manage that. ( I was probably the biggest girl in my grade at a size 24.) I ended up winning with a good friend of mine as king. 
Maybe it was just the school I went to but I can look back on high school and not hate it for reasons of discrimination.


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 13, 2008)

I wasn't fat in high school, but still felt that I stood out because my family was very poor. I was very shy and socially awkward, but did have a few friends and a boyfriend who attended the same church that my family did, so I was generally a pretty happy kid. Ironically enough, the only really bad time that I endured was at the hands of two fat and extremely aggressive twin sisters. Both were incredible bullies.


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## bexy (Jan 13, 2008)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I am damaged goods because of other kids. I had several bullys. Even teachers in some instances. Whilst making macaroni art I was told in front of the class not to eat the art if I got too hungry. That was in 4th grade. I pretended to be sick and stayed home 2 weeks after that.


*
 that is bloody shocking. some teachers are just a joke. everything you wrote sounded so hard to have gone through and ur so lovely and fun, i only wish idiots could be gathered up and put on an island somewhere....

but yes the teacher? awful

xox*


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## alienlanes (Jan 13, 2008)

I don't have much to contribute to this thread, except to say  at all the stuff people have had to go through. I was on the larger end of chubby in middle school and junior high and got teased/bullied for it occasionally, but when I got taller at puberty I stayed the same weight, so in high school it wasn't an issue.



BigCutieSasha said:


> I had friends in every circle which probably helped. Popular, jocks, *parks rats*, anyone really.



I have to ask... what's a "parks rat"? That's not a high school clique I've ever heard of. I have a mental image of a white dude with ratty dreads and a polar-tec fleece who spends all his time hiking and snowboarding in the national parks... sounds to me like an archetypal Pacific Northwest thing .


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## Sweet_Serenade (Jan 13, 2008)

Well, it really just depends on the crowd. 
Someone overweight wont always get bullied, that's not a given or anything, it depends entirely on how mature the students are.

For me, highschool was pretty horrible.
I was skinny as a rail back then but not made fun of for that either.
I was really awkward, homeschooled until I was 11, so there was tons of gossip about my family, I was a mystery to them, so they invented all sorts of rumors.
I would always sit alone, barely talked.
And when I did talk it wasn't a pretty sight, I have a speech impediment, stuttering and had a bad lisp back then. (Still have lots of speech problems, but things are getting better.)
I was also in a bunch of remedial classes, so that made me an easy target too.
The students were very cruel and the teachers didn't really make much of an effort to improve situations, the only advice really given was to ignore them.
And that worked about as well as putting a fire out with gasoline.
Then by my senior year, my sexuality became common knowledge, so it just got to be a complete nightmare.
It was an awful situation, but I'm just happy to be long done with it.
Even still, in school I met some really great, intelligent people whom I'm still friends with, and of course the angel I share my life with.

Depending on the community, the "in crowd" will always nitpick any reason to belittle those not in their clique.
Thankfully the ridiculousness of school politics ends after you graduate, then you enter the real world; where people have a brain... most of the time. 

Being a waitress I still seem to be something of a scum magnet, but it's certainly more tolerable than school.


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## NancyGirl74 (Jan 13, 2008)

I would have called myself "chubby" in my elementary school years but my peers called me fat and the various nasty names for fat. The worst was when I was called "It" for a period of time in my 6th and 7th years of school. "Do you see what It is eating?" Did you hear what It said in class?" I believe it was this type of cruelty that caused me to go from "shy girl" to "introverted-to-the-point-of-recluse girl". When I went into high school I had no friends and no means of making friends for I was too shy and scared to branch out. I hung with the "misfit crowd" because there was no one else. Even so, they were not really my friends...because I wouldn't let them get to know me for fear of being hurt. The cruelty continued throughout my high school years and if I could have melted into the walls I would have. However, there was one bright spot. I met my very best friend in my Sophomore year. I didn't want to be her friend either. The last thing I needed was to associated with the _other_ fat girl in school. But she was persistent and when I opened just a crack and she barreled her way through my walls. We have been best friends ever since (I love you, Karen!). Still, because of the humiliation I suffered throughout my school years I was introverted to an extreme degree. I didn't believe anyone would find me attractive so I never looked, never took interest in my appearance, and nearly never left my house. Things didn't start to change for me until my late 20s when a bunch of life's shit nearly knocked me down for the count. At that point, I thoroughly was sick off myself and decided to change. It's been a long, slow journey and there are many hurtles I still have to leap but the change in me is significant. My school years were not just hellish but truly torturous. For better or worse they shaped me into who I am today...Still, you couldn't pay me enough to go back that live that hell again. 

Side Note Soapbox Statement Here: In today's society where children bring guns to school and do horrible things it's easy to blame gun laws and parents. While I don't condone the actions of these messed up kids do I understand it to a degree. Some of these children are mentally ill but some have been broken by the cruelty of their peers. _No one_ should live with brutal words hurled at them every day. It is abuse and it should not be tolerated. _Ever_. Anyone who turns a blind eye to that kind of abuse is partially responsible for the consequences, in my opinion.
:bow:


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## Dhaunae (Jan 13, 2008)

My school years were pretty difficult to get through, starting from elementary school until getting out of high school. The name calling was horrendous but luckily I was free from any physical abuse. I remember one time someone calling me Roseanne Barr.. Come now, can't we get a bit more creative than that. At least if I were her, I'd have had a lofty amount of money. I never dated in school as there was no one who was interested in me and the guys I liked would never be seen with the "fat girl". I stayed home from school probably fifty percent of the time because the peer pressure was too much for me. 

I remember there being a guy across the street that I was cute and was elated when he came across the street to talk to me. I saw he was carrying a container of Pringles and thought that curious until he opened it up and dumped water on me. I am still rather scarred from the verbal abuse I suffered in school and I wish I could get over it. I hate being afraid to mingle or go out because someone might look at me as if I am some grotesque monster or say things that I really don't think I can handle hearing at this point.


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## mszwebs (Jan 13, 2008)

I actually LOVED High school. It was Middle school that sucked.

I went to an Arts high school...and as a public magnet school (as opposed to a neighborhood school) there was less of an obvious differential in economic background amongst the students, because everybody was different. Its just that our school was in the middle of the 'hood, and it was attended by kids from all over the city and some of the 'burbs. There wasn't as big of an opportunity for all the kids from Brookfield to clique together and make fun of the kids from the North side of Milwaukee.

We had different kinds of cliques. Theatre, which sub-grouped into tech and acting; Dance, which had ballet and modern emphasis; Visual Arts, drawing/painting and photography; and Music, which had vocal and instrumental, sub-grouped even more between classical, jazz and...like, "regular" (lol) band. We were all at the school for a reason and the teachers did a really nice job of forcing us to work together within and outside of the 4 "major" areas to create an environment where everybody had a job to do.

It was seriously one of the most amazing times of my life. I can only remember 1 or maybe 2 times where anyone EVER made fun of me for being fat... and they got shut down by others...I didn't even have to do anything. By the time I was a junior, I was like..Co-Queen Bee of the Theatre department. I didn't need to be prom queen...lol... I held court every day.

But seriously, it was a faaaaaar cry from middle school where I had run-ins with students all the time. My gym teachers wanted to put me in special education because I couldn't climb the ropes. (Honestly, I think that part of it was just me being lazy...lol... because I managed to do their friggin flips on the friggin rings...lol. But seriously. I'm not climbing a damn rope..."

One day, a kid slapped me across the face in the hallway, IN FRONT OF MY GRANDMOTHER (she was there for an assembly), when I called him a jerk for calling me fat.

Another time, a boy stood up in front of the class when the teacher stepped out of the room and said " you must be a whale because you're so full of blubber." In the best, most timely come back of my life, I stood up and said "You must be an asshole, cause you're so full of shit!"

Anyway...I loved high school... but based on middle school... I can see how high school could have gone for me, had i not been luckly enough to be taken from that kind of environment. And it does make me angry that the safety that i felt is not common at all.


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## Miss Vickie (Jan 13, 2008)

My high school experiences were great; I really had an excellent time, and didn't have any problems with bullying. Size-wise, I thought of myself as fat, naturally, but I was probably a size 15/16 or so. So no, no teasing for my weight, or for any other reason, really. I wasn't popular in the "Homecoming Queen" sense of the word, but I was involved in a lot of activities -- edited our school magazine, orchestra, lots of theatre, honor society, stuff like that -- so lots of people knew me and I had a lot of friends. I didn't date a lot but rather had a couple of long term steady boyfriends (including Burtimus) and several guy friends who took me out joy riding in return for tutoring. 

Weird how I thought of myself as "so fat" when really I was just an average sized kid. Oy. :doh:


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 13, 2008)

Oh, I had friends, and participated in lots of activities (choir, literary magazine, Spanish club...), but that didn't stop the bullies. I actually went to my junior prom, but the idiot I went with was completely moronic the entire night (that's a story for another time), so I skipped my senior prom in favor of attending a weekend-long Women's Leadership retreat. 

I will say - the highlight of my junior prom was when the guy I had been crushing on for three years left his girlfriend at the side of the room and asked me to dance. He just knew I was having a horrible time. I will never, ever forget that one small act of kindness.

Of course, several years later, in college, I had more friends than I could shake a stick at, and was immensely popular. I think a lot of it was due to the fact that I managed to find my self-confidence in those intervening years.

But yes, as someone else said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - and I'm pretty damn strong.


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## BeckaBoo (Jan 13, 2008)

I have always been big, never had any problems in school and i went to two very different ones, a private boarding school and a state school. I was popular in both. 

In the state school especially i had avery wide range of friends, and was lucky enough in my final year to be voted Head Girl (no, not that kinda head, sewer brain! I think the American equivelent is valedictorian) by my peers. 
There were quite a few fat kids, i never saw or heard of a single case of bullying. I guess i was lucky enough to avoid all that stuff. 

So obviously it's not that bad for everyone, i'd do it all again, happy days.


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## AnnMarie (Jan 13, 2008)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> The degree to which one is tortured is related to the fatness. Chubby teenagers get through ok for the most part, but the fat ones go through serious hell...




I was 235lbs by age 12 and I was 340 all through high school. Seriously fat, not nearly chubby - so I really do think it's about factors not just related to fat, but the atmosphere of the school, the culture of the community, the individuals involved, etc. 

Doesn't make anything right or acceptable by any means, just saying that I was super fat for high school (by far the fattest in my entire school) and that wasn't my experience.


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## DeniseW (Jan 13, 2008)

my school years were much like Ginny's and I went to Catholic School for many of them. I was pushed in the snow, spit on, had snots blown on me, pushed into walls, called every name in the book, the list goes on and on. I graduated one year late because I was too scared to go to school, the truant officer was a permanent fixture on my doorstep. My father forced me to go back and I eventually graduated with honors but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Even though I always thought I made it out ok, I'm sure a lot of my personality has to do with what I went through. I'm so glad my chubby niece is in a school now that has a no tolerance policy about this sort of thing. If only the nuns or teachers would have stepped in and not allowed this, I would probably be a completely different person than I am today. I was too afraid to go to college, it was almost like I had been through a war or something. I did eventually take some business classes but I am convinced I could have accomplished great things had it not been for all those assholes in school. 

I also agree with Nancy about the guns statement, had I had access to one, I don't know what I would have done, I daydreamed constantly about killing every last student in my class including teachers. I also daydreamed about taking my own life. While other girls were dreaming about their proms etc...I was thinking of the least painful ways I could end it all. I only hope some of those kids think about what they did to a fat girl that felt all alone and maybe have some regret about it. I highly doubt it though....


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## Tooz (Jan 13, 2008)

I was fat in high school, and for the time I was there I was pretty popular. Middle school was the time when I got a lot of shit. High school, socially speaking wasn't that bad, though.


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## Rojodi (Jan 13, 2008)

My high school experience wasn't hell, my experiences with big girls was good. Coming from a family that was highly matriarchal - my maternal great-grandmother was still alive and running the family - and having most of the women on both sides of the family being large, I did NOT dare tease anyone because of their size. I would have gotten my ass kicked by my sister!!

I was not fat in high school, I was a bookish athlete, or an athletic bookworm, though my grades did not show it. I tanked most of my years because I "wanted to fit in." 

Now I have a 13-year-old in a private school. I make damn sure he knows it's not good to tease someone because of their size, race, color, etc.


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## MrsSunGoddess (Jan 13, 2008)

High school for me was great, in fact I've never been tormented because of my size. From first grade on, I hung out with the "popular" group and was treated just like any other kid. I was never made fun of at school, however, my brother felt the need to make my home life a living hell, but somehow I was able to overcome his need to belittle me all the time. ( btw, he is now an overweight adult, ha! ) I've been big all my life and gotten bigger as the years went on. I realize after reading many of the stories posted here and various chat conversations, I was very lucky and it helped shape my overall outlook on myself and my weight, today.


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## Suze (Jan 13, 2008)

First off: It sucks to hear about all the abuse I hope it hasn't done too much damage. 

In primary school(7-14 y.o) I went from a little bit chubby to fat. I was never beaten up or anything but was psychical abused almost everyday. Fekkin' nightmare.
Middle school(14-16) -> Complete change. I hang with the popular kids and if someone tried to say something mean, I was protected by my friends. (Who was mostly guys btw.) This was probably my "fattest years".
In High school(16-18) I went from fat to chubby again. Had a great time. 

In other words, it was a mixed experience. 
(I hope I got the school system right)


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## Lamia (Jan 13, 2008)

My K-8 experiences were ok. I had people make fun of me, but I felt secure enough to tell them to go f themselves. My class only had 10 kids. I never got bullied or made fun of by them and if they did say something I just punched them. The older kids made fun of me, but I just called them names right back. I was in track, cheerleading, yearbook and played softball in the summer. I was very active and outgoing. 

High school we were bussed to the county seat. I went from a class of 10, to a class of 100. A school of 80 became a school of 500. It was scary. I threw up every morning before going to school I was so afraid. I very insecure. I was 13 and a freshman. I weighed about 220lbs. The older boys on the bus would pick on me, throw spit balls etc. I would get to school and be made fun of all day, people would pass notes to me, call me names in the hallway, push me into lockers etc. I hid in the art room a lot. This was all by boys. Girls didn't say anythig to my face because I would have knocked their asses out. I have never been intimidated by girls. I would ride home on the bus get made fun of. Get home and my dad would make fun of me and ride me about my weight. I went to one school dance...an art club dance. I never got asked out etc. I almost quit high school because of the bullying. I think I missed something like 40 days my senior year. No one ever asked my parents to come in or talk to them. In my experience adults were actually almost as bad as the kids. I was made fun of by adults in my church and by teachers. 

Not my favorite time to remember. I do know now that if my attitude had been different things wouldn't have been so bad. People see a dog roll over and they kick it. It's easy now for me to say "I should have said this or acted like this" I just didn't have the tools for that. 

College was awesome. I went to a baptist college. No one made fun of me..to my face anyway. It allowed me to heal my self-esteem. I mean sure I still never got asked out on a date, but at the point I was just happy I was tolerated. I never understood people who said "if you have something to say, say it to my face". My feeling is "if you have something nasty to say about me, by all means wait until I leave the room". 

I had my first kiss at age 27 from a guy I met on the internet. :doh:


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 13, 2008)

Ladies this is bringing up some painful memories for me.  I'm sad we all had to go through this shit.

Junior high and grade school was pure hell for me. A lot of what was said here is what I also went through. But by High School (I was 400 lbs) I was pretty much ignored. While it was better it was very lonely. I had friends but I never dated or went to many parties. I was home a lot. 

Ick I hate remembering this stuff.

At least t got much better - out of school.


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## indy500tchr (Jan 13, 2008)

DeniseW said:


> my school years were much like Ginny's and I went to Catholic School for many of them. ....



I've noticed several people in this thread who were picked on the most went to Catholic School. I am wondering if this is more common in private schools than public schools.



Keb said:


> ... and even the teachers might agree you need to lose weight and think the bullying might help you see that.....



I am appalled at this statement being a teacher myself. I would NEVER in a million years want to see a child bullied in ANY way. If it be because they are too fat, too short, too slow, etc. We have zero tolerance at our school when it comes to bullying under any condition. I can't think of one teacher who thinks bullying would "help you see the light" because of a problem one student has with another one.


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## J34 (Jan 13, 2008)

I was teased more so in middle school then any other time. Mostly because I was poor, but I never let that get me down. In high school I had many friends. I remember in my high school the most popular or most well known guy was Sammy the fat-guy. He got teased at times, but mostly because he was a jerk.

I remember my HS having no social hierachy like most schools seem to have in this country. We had like 2300 students so it was just too many students to account for. 

I remember there was this girl that moved in from another state and she was frustrated since she wasn't popular anymore. She was that classic girl you see on TV, you know the blonde who was the cheerleader, etc. She went into our urban HS and she basically didnt fit-in. She was the outcast, she ended up moving after a couple months. THE IRONY!!!


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 13, 2008)

I wish my school had been like yours, K. I complained more than once to teachers, guidance counselors, asst. principals, and even the principal. Every time, all I got was "You're making it sound worse than it is," and "Ignore them and they'll stop." 

Oh, I ignored them. That's when things started getting physically abusive. When I was actually stoned, my parents called the parents of the kids who had done that - every one of those parents refused to believe their child had been involved. They all insisted I was lying. My mother, faced with the evidence of cuts, bruises, and bleeding, just let it drop. That's the one thing I've had a hard time forgiving - I really wish she had followed it up with the school somehow.


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## franchescassbbw (Jan 13, 2008)

My highschool years were fantastic, but then again I weighed 110 lbs. so it's not really fair to compare that to now. I got called "disgusting" at Luby's the other day and I weight 410 lbs.


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## Sweet Tooth (Jan 13, 2008)

You know, the thing about making a school physically comfortable for large students is that it's not that difficult. Our custodians prefer the table and chair setup to the desks [we have a mix], because they're easier to maneuver around when cleaning the floor. I found some "bariatric" Hon chairs for my office conference area. They were twice as expensive as the non-bariatric chairs, but were weight rated to 500 lbs where the armless chairs were only rated to 300 in many cases. I sought less expensive non-bariatric chairs to round out the conference table needs that are virtualy identical, except in the width, because I had to consider costs ... but then no one should feel singled out as they're all in the same fabric and nearly indistinguishable as being different. I have a very comfy chair for people sitting at my desk while meeting with me, again a "bariatric" model of a standard rolling computer chair with arms that pop out the sides if you need more space.

My teachers are instructed to pay attention to the seating. They have, on occasion, asked a smaller student to move [quietly, of course] for a larger student to have the seat. They know my philosophy is to not single any one group out by "reserving" them, because you never know who needs a table instead of a desk combo. We have one guy who plays semi-pro football who can't comfortably fit in a desk either. It's sort of like not knowing who needs a handicapped spot because, just seeing that they're able to walk into a store doesn't mean you know what's going on inside their body.

Of course, it's the attitudes that can't be so easily fixed. Again, I have a philosophy that I drill into my staff and students which is that, a student has every right to screw up his own education [not attending, goofing around, etc.], but has NO RIGHT to interfere with someone else's right to their education. Nearly all disciplinary standards follow this guideline, so a student can have some expectation of what I will and will not tolerate if a situation isn't explicitly addressed in the handbook.

<sigh> But I so hate to see any time someone misses out on their education, such a foundational thing that should be a right to anyone who chooses to exercise it, because of stupid crap that could be handled.


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## butch (Jan 13, 2008)

I want to thank everyone for sharing, and I am sorry if this thread has brought up unpleasant memories for some of you. 

A few things I wanted to say in response, and a confession of sorts. First, I hope that my initial post did not imply that I thought this kind of behavior didn't happen, I just honestly didn't think it could be as persuasive as you all have shown me that it is. I'm so angry and sad that this is the world we live in.

Second, I don't want to give the impression that my childhood and high school experiences were all sweetness and light-I did try to commit suicide at age 16, so I do know how painful it can be to be 'different.' I felt different not only because I was fat (and I weighed between 220- 270 during high school), but because I was a tom boy who was struggling with her sexuality. Even though in high school I was mostly sure I was straight, and only had crushes on boys, even friends of mine spread rumors that I was a lesbian, even though I was hyper aware of my behavior and made sure I never did anything that could be construed as 'gay.' All of this went on in a very large public school system-my graduating class was over 525 students, and that was smaller then the previous graduating classes.

Third, I do need to confess one thing-I was a bully in elementary school. To the other fat girl in my grade, I was particularly mean. It fills me with much shame to think that I was mean to her and helped to make her life so bad her parents took her out of public school. I never physically hurt her, but I was so mean to her verbally that I had to meet regulalry with the guidance counselor and her about my behavior. I could give you plausible excuses for my behavior, but the bottom line was, my behavior was inexcusable. My only saving grace, I think, is that I grew out of this behavior after I turned 12, and learned a whole lot of empathy in the meantime.

I'm a lot apprehensive to admit this bullying behavior, but I hadn't thought of it until someone posted that they had been bullied by other fat girls, and felt I needed to be honest. It is one of the things in my life that I can never forgive myself for.


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## qwertyman173 (Jan 13, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I wish my school had been like yours, K. I complained more than once to teachers, guidance counselors, asst. principals, and even the principal. Every time, all I got was "You're making it sound worse than it is," and "Ignore them and they'll stop."
> 
> Oh, I ignored them. That's when things started getting physically abusive. When I was actually stoned, my parents called the parents of the kids who had done that - every one of those parents refused to believe their child had been involved. They all insisted I was lying. My mother, faced with the evidence of cuts, bruises, and bleeding, just let it drop. That's the one thing I've had a hard time forgiving - I really wish she had followed it up with the school somehow.




Everybody always says "Ignore them and they go away". But it never happens. They just keep going and going. And the parents of the bullies always refuse to accept that their little angels are doing anything wrong, and teachers just brush it under the carpet, as they refuse to accept that any bullying goes on in their schools.


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## BigCutieSasha (Jan 13, 2008)

SlackerFA said:


> I have to ask... what's a "parks rat"? That's not a high school clique I've ever heard of. I have a mental image of a white dude with ratty dreads and a polar-tec fleece who spends all his time hiking and snowboarding in the national parks... sounds to me like an archetypal Pacific Northwest thing .



They were the kids who would skip class for smoke breaks, and not always of the tobacco type. For some reason your image probably wasn't to far off. Jay knows what I'm talking about.


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## Butterbelly (Jan 13, 2008)

High School for me wasn't that bad. My freshman and sophomore years, there were two girls in the class ahead of me that were very cruel. They were in the same Lifetime Fitness class as I was and we were expected to dress in gym clothes. They stole my bra and had it hanging in the hallway from a light fixture with a sign that read something like "utterly huge." Instead of the school punishing them, it was more like a big joke around the school and neither of the two girls received any punishment. I was humiliated, to say the least. 

It was after that incident that my snarky/sarcastic side came out. I learned to hold my own. People started sticking up for me, and eventually these two girls gave up and left me alone. 

The funny thing now is that I look at both of these women, and realize that they have gone no where in life...and yes, I take solice in that. Karma...gotta love it!


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## qwertyman173 (Jan 13, 2008)

Butterbelly said:


> The funny thing now is that I look at both of these women, and realize that they have gone no where in life...and yes, I take solice in that.  Karma...gotta love it!



I hope that happens to all bullies. However, sometimes bullying is seen to be the way to get ahead in life


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## Still a Skye fan (Jan 13, 2008)

I don't miss my high school years in the least.

I wasn't a fat kid...just one of the misfit nerds who never really fit in anywhere and I went to a really small school.

I went to my 10th reunion, got weirded out and haven't seen most of those people ever since...it'll be 25 years for me in 2009.


Dennis


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 13, 2008)

Ha, unsurprisingly, I passed on the opportunity to attend my 10-year reunion back in August.


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 13, 2008)

I didn't grow up fat. I was actually a pretty puny kid (my chubby adorable sister who could do 250 situps in a row but had a little stomach was the "fat one"). For me, size-related misery hit at puberty, when I was--as every fat girl knows--never as fat as I thought I was at the time, but suddenly chubby and overly 'sexy'-looking in the eyes of horny 6th grade boys and my mother. School in my case sped the misery, tipped me into the worst compulsions and behaviors because of my size. My looks were almost more of a problem at home, and the constant disapproval from my family made everywhere precarious. Problems bloomed in dark places. School was something like the breeding ground for the worst it--more dangerously stressful and shameful with gym classes and boys and whatever, a million opportunities to feel like crap.

Middle school years are when I laid the groundwork for major eating issues (I remember people pointing and me and laughing when I arrived for school in eighth grade because of the weight I had gained over the summer) and depression. The worst factor was probably moving from the east coast to the midwest in 9th grade, going from a very small but much more diverse private school to an enormous lily-white preppy public high school that felt bizarrely stuck in the 50s, where looks and the ability to wear chinos on your narrow hips without the pockets flaring out were everything. Everything got worse then. Eating issues, dieting, exercising, compulsive bingeing, starving, body hatred...my weight started going up and down. I remember stuffing chocolate in my mouth while sitting in a bathroom stall, full of shame and anger and misery. Everyone thinks they grew up at the worst time to be fat...all I can say is it wasn't a *good* time. Nobody was, in our school, that I remember. 

Which can't be quite true, but I was hopelessly sunk in my own body-related misery. I put almost *everything* under that heading, including the family problems that were a thousand times worse than any of this. I bought the idea that thin cured every problem, despite an lot of evidence that it wasn't. The misery of being fat--"fat"--feeling fat was easier than facing family life.

But it also *did* actually suck, being fat. So the point is...I don't know what it would have been like to be a quite chubby but fairly confident teenager with a family who supported her in a mean bitchy high school. I can see how school would have been worse if I had been fatter--even 1/2 as fat as I am now. As it was I played sports, could fit in classroom seats, could still buy clothes at the Limited (most of the time). But still--what I mostly remember about playing softball was self-conscious misery about having to wear tight white waist-high pants. One memorable day in 6th grade the softball coach's son yelled, "Hey you with the big ass and big tits!" to get me in off the field and that humiliation felt like the truth, more than anything else about me.

God, the WORDS you have to--I have to--use to describe high school!  Shame, stress, misery. So many things really were miserable, genuinely miserable. My school was a hotbed of misogynous, looksist, fierce, Lord of the Flies, dog-eat-dog misery. But things didn't *have* to be *quite* as bad as they were. If I had felt stronger in my home life I think I would have kicked back, somewhere. I wish I could have rebelled even *somewhat* against all the body hatred--I rebelled in other ways--but I didn't. (That came later.) I never gave it back, I never hurled one Fuck You. What I did--this is the worst part and the moral of the story--is _internalize_ it. Found in it a way to abuse myself the way things felt at home. So the social experience of school wasn't 100% misery--I had frantic fun at times, had a few good friends--but it sure often *felt* like it.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Jan 13, 2008)

I loved high school and really didn't have an issue with my weight. I was definitely overweight, but I wasn't teased about it at all. I recall clearly the first day of gym in my senior year, we had to get weighed and measured for height. We were in this long line leading up to the gym teacher, who was sitting on the floor with the scale beside her. We were all wearing these one-piece shorts suits that we wore for gym class... needless to say they were NOT the most flattering of outfits. Well... as we went up one-by-one to get weighed and our height measured, the gym teacher would read the scale and announce the reading... not shout it, but it was definitely loud enough for everyone to hear. I clearly recall my reading being 161. I was not the biggest girl in class, but I also wasn't the smallest. But in my mind.. I was huge. I think my weight was more of an issue for ME than it was anyone else. I think if I had really looked at myself and seen my true self.. I might have been more comfortable... and that comfort in myself would have been wonderful. But I constantly compared myself to one of my best friends, who was naturally a very thin girl... it was just her makeup... she maybe weighed 100 pounds. In my brain... that was ideal. I wanted to be her size.

So, in a nutshell, I think my high school years were great, and my weight was an issue... but more so for ME, than anyone else.


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## ksandru (Jan 13, 2008)

qwertyman173 said:


> I hope that happens to all bullies. However, sometimes bullying is seen to be the way to get ahead in life


High school for me wasn't bad at all. I was too busy to notice, with being on the AV Squad (I videotaped alot of thebasketball games, etc.), choir (I am a pretty decent singer), and numerous other activities. Then of course, it was the Seventies - the "Me" decade. I had lots of friends - gay & straight, had my share of flings. Didn't get asked to the prom, but it didn't bother me. My friends and I were clubbing anyway (looked older than my age, so I didn't get carded )

Anyway, it would be hard to be in high school these days. As far as bullying is concerned, haven't we learned our lesson from Columbine & other schools where bullied kids couldn't take it anymore? While I don't condone those kids' actions, I could kinda see how they felt the final solution was to take the bullies and jocks out. If we as a society don't start to teach our kids to respect one another regardless of race, size, sexual orientation, etc., you're going to see more incidents of violence in the classroom. You're already seeing it within the workplace, as those incidents of violence are increasing as well.


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## Lamia (Jan 13, 2008)

liz (di-va) said:


> I didn't grow up fat. I was actually a pretty puny kid (my chubby adorable sister who could do 250 situps in a row but had a little stomach was the "fat one"). For me, size-related misery hit at puberty, when I was--as every fat girl knows--never as fat as I thought I was at the time, but suddenly chubby and overly 'sexy'-looking in the eyes of horny 6th grade boys and my mother. School in my case sped the misery, tipped me into the worst compulsions and behaviors because of my size. My looks were almost more of a problem at home, and the constant disapproval from my family made everywhere precarious. Problems bloomed in dark places. School was something like the breeding ground for the worst it--more dangerously stressful and shameful with gym classes and boys and whatever, a million opportunities to feel like crap.
> 
> Middle school years are when I laid the groundwork for major eating issues (I remember people pointing and me and laughing when I arrived for school in eighth grade because of the weight I had gained over the summer) and depression. The worst factor was probably moving from the east coast to the midwest in 9th grade, going from a very small but much more diverse private school to an enormous lily-white preppy public high school that felt bizarrely stuck in the 50s, where looks and the ability to wear chinos on your narrow hips without the pockets flaring out were everything. Everything got worse then. Eating issues, dieting, exercising, compulsive bingeing, starving, body hatred...my weight started going up and down. I remember stuffing chocolate in my mouth while sitting in a bathroom stall, full of shame and anger and misery. Everyone thinks they grew up at the worst time to be fat...all I can say is it wasn't a *good* time. Nobody was, in our school, that I remember.
> 
> ...




I can identify with everything you said. Maybe if I had a secure home life where I felt loved instead of ashamed I might have tried sticking up for myself. My home life was miserable for me as well. My father was on me about my weight constantly and my mother who was fat was also trying to "encourage" me to lose weight. I remember her yelling at a photographer because my pictures were horrible. They looked like me, the problem was my double chin showed. In the middle I could tell she realized what she was doing and she tried to back pedal. Her own mother rode her about her weight constantly. She tried her best not to mirror her mother's behavior, but it didn't always work out that way. When I was home for the holidays this year my grandmother was eyeing me the whole time and I could just feel her judging me. It really made me realize how scrutinized I was as a kid. If as an adult I felt the weight of her stare I can only imagine it as a teen. 

Teenagers are hypersensitive to everything which makes it so much worse. As we get older our senses get duller thankfully.


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## franchescassbbw (Jan 13, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Ha, unsurprisingly, I passed on the opportunity to attend my 10-year reunion back in August.


I did too.


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## Donna (Jan 13, 2008)

My high school experience pretty much echoes the negative ones shared here, so I will spare you those sad details. What prompted me to chime in was Butch's use of the phrase "9th circle of Hell." 

My senior year in AP English, we had to write a rather lengthy paper over winter break about Dante's Inferno and relate it to modern times. I don't remember everything I wrote because it's been, oh something close to, 25 years, but the crux of the paper compared the circles to the different social pecking orders in my high school. I do recall that my group (the outcasts as I remember referring to myself) was indeed the 9th circle. 

I nearly got suspended because I equated the devil with the faculty. :huh:


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## moore2me (Jan 13, 2008)

*I have mixed feelings about sending kids to junior highs and high schools where they suffer at the hands of their fellow students.* (I was one of the ones targeted out and scorned by my peers, so I speak from experience.) Some ways of correcting this problem in our schools suggested by OPs were


Home schooling,

Having parents intervene & come to school, insisting authorities stop the abuse,

Have a no tolerance policy at schools for bullying + education of kids and teachers on what is right and what is wrong,

Train the victim to react better - Give as good as you get, etc.,

The victim needs to toughen up or get a bodyguard
.

Of these options, the first one is very popular in my state nowadays. I think this is a disservice to the kids that are taught at home. Only part of our education when we are growing up deals with reading, writing, & math. Home schooling ignores a valuable part of a kid's education - learning to get along with their classmates - even when it is dealing with negative interactions. 

*From reading many of these stories on this Thread, this is a hard lesson to learn and a bitter one, but for me I think it was important. I think it has made me stronger - meaner, yes, but stronger.* True, I did not have fun in junior high or high school. But, I learned that life is not fair, how cruel some people can be, and that authority figures and groups cannot be trusted. I learned to love books, I learned to write and draw, and I learned how to spot a wounded fellow traveler along this road. I became grateful for small things like a smile from another student, a compliment from a teacher, or a good grade on a paper.

As to the other solutions mentioned in this Thread, my parents wouldn't come to school either. (They did come to my graduation tho.) And, I think a no tolerance policy for bullying would be wonderful - if it would work. I really don't think it can be stopped 100%, but it's worth a try. As far as training the victim, it wouldn't be a bad idea to educate the victim about what to do when you are picked on to the extent you feel really bad about yourself or unsafe. *And finally, stopping all this name calling and criticizing kids for their physical characteristics, clothes, IQ, nationality, family income, etc. should be eradicated from our schools as well -* can you hear me now Huckabee?


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## Butterbelly (Jan 13, 2008)

franchescassbbw said:


> I did too.



I passed on mine as well. It's not that I don't care of the people I graduated with, but my life has moved on past the city limits of that little town...and the vast majority that I graduated with have never left.


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## indy500tchr (Jan 13, 2008)

qwertyman173 said:


> Everybody always says "Ignore them and they go away". But it never happens. They just keep going and going. And the parents of the bullies always refuse to accept that their little angels are doing anything wrong, and teachers just brush it under the carpet, as they refuse to accept that any bullying goes on in their schools.



Again I take extreme offense to this statement. My school takes great strides to prevent bullying and I am very happy to say that we are VERY successful at doing so. The parents are very supportive when their child has been called out as a bully. Our program leaves no room for the parents to deny the fact their child is a bully b/c of all the paperwork and evidence us teachers present at the behavior board meetings of the bully in question.

The school I am at now isn't the first school that has done this sort of program. I taught at another school that had one very similar to this. Please don't group all teachers into the "refusing to care" category because there are PLENTY of us out there that do.


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## Keb (Jan 14, 2008)

Homeschoolers often have a variety of activities that put them in group situations. My cousins are homeschooled, and my mother's helped teach art to homeschool coops in our area. Homeschool families will get together to augment their education and pool resources, and their kids still attend normal activities like sports teams, church groups, and clubs. The difference is in the control that the family has over the situations--but the kids do not suffer from a lack of socialization, if the family is doing it right.


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## squurp (Jan 14, 2008)

butch said:


> Just finished watching "Queen Sized" on Lifetime, and about halfway through it, I really started to wonder why anything on TV having to do with fat teenagers portrays high school as the ninth circle of hell?
> 
> My high school years weren't awful, I was never the target of bullies, and while I wasn't homecoming queen, I was friends with the homecoming queen and did actually get asked to my prom. I never hung out with the popular kids, but I had friends in just about every other group at school, and I never wanted to hang out with the popular kids to begin with. On the whole, my high school experiences were good, and I don't think they would have been much different had I been thin, actually.
> 
> ...



High School was maybe only the seventh circle of hell for me. The ninth circle? Well, that was junior high school.


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## squurp (Jan 14, 2008)

Keb said:


> Homeschoolers often have a variety of activities that put them in group situations. My cousins are homeschooled, and my mother's helped teach art to homeschool coops in our area. Homeschool families will get together to augment their education and pool resources, and their kids still attend normal activities like sports teams, church groups, and clubs. The difference is in the control that the family has over the situations--but the kids do not suffer from a lack of socialization, if the family is doing it right.




Ah, but see that is the difference. . . they do suffer from a lack of socialization. They lack experience in an uncontrolled situation, and life is full of them. I am not saying homeschooling is bad, per se, nor am I saying public schooling is good. . .each has its advantages and disadvantages.


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## TallFatSue (Jan 14, 2008)

Butterbelly said:


> High School for me wasn't that bad. My freshman and sophomore years, there were two girls in the class ahead of me that were very cruel. They were in the same Lifetime Fitness class as I was and we were expected to dress in gym clothes. They stole my bra and had it hanging in the hallway from a light fixture with a sign that read something like "utterly huge." Instead of the school punishing them, it was more like a big joke around the school and neither of the two girls received any punishment. I was humiliated, to say the least.
> 
> It was after that incident that my snarky/sarcastic side came out. I learned to hold my own. People started sticking up for me, and eventually these two girls gave up and left me alone.
> 
> The funny thing now is that I look at both of these women, and realize that they have gone no where in life...and yes, I take solice in that. Karma...gotta love it!


Sounds familiar! I became a wise ass too, but a *friendly* wise ass, and life improved immeasurably because I held my own. Sarcasm with a smile. 

Grade school was okay, but middle school was not my favorite place because I was the biggest and tallest person in my 8th grade class. The other kids called me Suzy Bigfoot and Whale Belly, and I just wanted to hide. But in retrospect, it usually went no farther than name-calling or knocking by books out of my hands.

Then in high school one of the glamour girls insulted me once too often, and I let loose with a sarcastic remark which made all the other kids laughed at HER! Cool, I discovered a hidden talent! And the next time some jerk knocked my books out of my hands, I got even by slamming my sizeable hips into him! "Oops, sorry, I don't know my own strength." Then I helped him pick up his books, rather than run away and laugh as he would have done, so he didn't know whether it was intentional or a geniune accident. But he never bothered me again. 

So I morphed into the stereotypical big tall fat girl who made people laugh. But I always kept it friendly, never mean. It began as a defense mechanism but it worked very well, and I became reasonably popular too. That's when I learned that people tend to treat other by how they regard themselves, and bullies found that I was no longer an easy target.

Your bra incident reminds me of one time in P.E. when one of the princesses grabbed my bra and threw it on top of a locker. "God, Sue has udders!" So of course I said, "Better than those bee stings of yours." I could give as well as I got.


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## GoddessNoir (Jan 14, 2008)

I didn't read everyone's posts, I'm lazy.

High school for me was fine. I was a pretty versatile kid so, I was all over the place and had lots of friends from many cliques.

I've always been fat but a proud fat chick so, I didn't have huge issues. Not to brag but, I've been a bit of a fashion whore so my clothes were always name brand (a big deal to me as a kid, not at all anymore) I had really nice jewelry, I was your typical high class hip hop kid, guess, karl kani, cross colours, big bamboo earrings, the newest jordans, acg's, it was sweeeeeet, lol. 

I was always healthy and athletic so I didn't get picked last in gym or anything, I was like everyone else, just fatter. I was on the boosters squad (a step below cheerleader) on the school paper, prom committee, rap squad (teenage peer counseling), chorus, student government, social committee and volunteering organization, whatever that was called and drama. I was also an official class representative so when people like the arch diocese or borough president came, I was one of the kids that would represent the school.

The only real big deal I can recall was once, my friends and I were at the mall and this guy tried to talk to me, I ignored him because he looked like a scrub, in retaliation (if that's what you want to call it), he called me a fat bitch. My friends all turned around and began making fun of his sneakers, hair cut, clothes, anything, that shut him up.

For the most part, high school was fun, no complaints.


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## -X- (Jan 14, 2008)

In forgot I was fat while I attended school, between fifth grade to twelfth. It was around fifth grade that I began to get big, and it wasn't the kids at school that had problems with it, it was my parents. For a lot of children, the home is suppose to be a haven after coming home from school, but for me it was hell.

My parents never listened to me, made judgments and accusations of me, and when they found out they were the ones whom were wrong, they would never apologize or just come talk to me about it, but write it off as if nothing happened. While in school I was friends with a great amount of people, and if I didn't stay after school with activities, we would all go out and hang together wherever we wanted. Over the weekends we would do the same, going out to the mall, movies, skating rink, wherever. 

It would all come to a screeching halt when I came home though, my mother may have been looking at something on the tv about fat kids in school and would make a generalization about me. It really ticked me off to the point whereas my parents and I can barely speak to each other without arguing, and having a different mindset about it all continually distances myself from them. During middle school I can remember always imagining that I was in an apartment (my room) with my brother and parents as neighbors in their rooms, this instantly put walls up between us and only continued to grow as I got older. 

As for my years actually in the class room, all I can remember is having fun, the only times I'd ever remember I was big was whenever I'd turn on the tv, or when my parents had something smart to say. I wasn't the biggest kid in my class, around 240lbs, the heaviest probably being 400-600, and also there were many kids that size at my school, I'm not sure if they experienced anything as bad as I've seen on the earlier post, but I guess they were the ones that took all the bullying and teasing.


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## Mitchapalooza (Jan 14, 2008)

it seems like in high school everyone is trying to find their identity and some kids dont realize what they actually do to other kids. as Butter belly said the young women that teased her have "gone no where in life" and probably wont unless they realize what things are really about. but from the post that I have seen you all have managed to turn it into a positive and say "F" them. 
I think that it seems to be a little bit different for men than women since women are more socially and emotionally driven. A comedian (Im not sure which one) said: The world is a toilet, its full of asses! it dosent help with cosmo, the olsen's and other people making kids think that if they are not 115 pounds they are not beautiful! people come in all sizes colors and shapes its what makes the world interesting and I would totally be in hell if their were no bbws. as my my friend that can barely speak english would say: I would commit sumacide!


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## qwertyman173 (Jan 14, 2008)

indy500tchr said:


> Again I take extreme offense to this statement. My school takes great strides to prevent bullying and I am very happy to say that we are VERY successful at doing so. The parents are very supportive when their child has been called out as a bully. Our program leaves no room for the parents to deny the fact their child is a bully b/c of all the paperwork and evidence us teachers present at the behavior board meetings of the bully in question.
> 
> The school I am at now isn't the first school that has done this sort of program. I taught at another school that had one very similar to this. Please don't group all teachers into the "refusing to care" category because there are PLENTY of us out there that do.



I did not mean to cause any offense to you or your school. I was mainly speaking from my personal experiences when it was pretty much a case of no evidence so nothing could be done, or at most a slap on the wrist. People could get away with anything pretty much they wanted to as long as they were careful how they did it. I am glad to here that schools are taking changes to rectify this.


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 14, 2008)

I was bullied by some of the older boys who rode my school bus. Not exactly bullied per se, just sorely disliked and heckled. There were other fatties on that bus and they were basically left alone but I got picked on even though I never spoke a word to any of them. I could never understand why I was a target till it was too late for me to exploit it to my advantage. The ring leader who lead the charge was a closet FA. Oh well, what's done is done.

Other than those bastids I was very popular and well liked by almost everyone. I was a vocal allstate champion, I had big whopping boobs, I wore an 80's mohawk and army boots, I was a secret stow away on a concert tour bus for Prince and the Revolution before I got kicked off - I was pretty much set with all social groups.


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## DeniseW (Jan 14, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Ha, unsurprisingly, I passed on the opportunity to attend my 10-year reunion back in August.



I haven't been to one class reunion yet, I have no desire to go and pretend that every thing is ok although I would love the opportunity to tell them off but I have a feeling it would do no good. Of course if I walked in with my husband, some of them might get a little nervous...lol.


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## Tad (Jan 14, 2008)

I was nothing like fat growing up, although I was certainly heavier than average. I was certainly aware of being one of the heavier kids* and I did get called fat a few times. Then again, timing can be keyonce was just after Id just finished owning one of the jocks in floor hockey, another was when I was in the middle of jogging up about a hundred steps, and other times tended to likewise be when I was doing something substantially athletic. 

* There were very, very, few kids who were substantially fat in the when and where I grew up. Through grade nine I dont think I knew any kids heavier than what would now be overweight, and after that I met only a few obese kids.

But what I really wanted to write about is different characters of different schools. In grades three through eight I was in a large suburban school, which was extremely homogeneous. In close to a thousand kids there might have been a couple of dozen who were visible minorities, nobody was particularly fat, everyone came from some variant of middle class, and so on. There was not a lot of tolerance of even small differences there. I got ragged on for being a nerd, for having a larger than typical back pack, for how brightly I blushed, and most of all for sometimes having terrible gas (I eventually realized it was caused by peanut butter). Yep, anytime anyone farted in grades seven and eight, I got the blame. It probably would have been worse, had another boy not been an even easier target. To my shame, while I never picked on him, I never defended him eithermostly just glad that I was not the target right then. Didnt endear my classmates to me. Fortunately Id made nerd friends who were not in my class, so I was not totally isolated.

For high school I worked hard to avoid my local high schoolnot only did I want to avoid that same environment, I was starting grade nine just after my brother had graduated, and hed been one of their biggest ever sports starts, having been a national level track star. I happened to find an enrichment program that would take me to a high school downtown, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The school had a big mix of ethnic groups, and people from all over the city who had come for one reason or another, and it had a more traditionally academic focus than many schools. I never witnessed anyone being seriously teased, and certainly not bullied. I dont swear that it didnt happen, obviously I didnt see everything, but there really was a pretty inclusive, accepting, character to the school. I was still pretty shy in my first year there, but by my second year I was making friendsheck, I pulled together a disparate group of marginalized kids into a cohesive group that had a lot of fun together. (The power of the Frisbee is strong, nobody feels too threatened by being asked to throw a Frisbee around). Then I moved away, but that is a different issue.

Meanwhile, some of my friends had gone to one of the local suburban high schools. From all the reports I heard there, it had a seriously sink or swim social structure. One of my friends is quite small, and was taking a lot of hell until one day he kind of snapped and used his several years of judo on one of his tormentors (I think he broke a table when he flipped the guy onto it). After that he did OK. Yep, life was OK once he proved he could fight for himself. Nice environment.

One friend had been moved out to what I call the exurbs. You know those areas with a lot of houses, on bit lots, but that are officially outside the city? For high school he was bussed into a massive suburban/exurban school, and he found it to be total hell. The school was divided into different groups: the preps, the jocks, the hicks, and so on. If you were not part of a group, you were subject to being beat up by any of them, so in sheer self defense he joined the hicks, just because he bussed in with them, although he didnt like any of them or their (frankly misogynist and racist) attitudes. Eventually he got into wrestling, and was able to move over to the fringes of the jock group, who he overall liked not much better, but at least a lot of them intended to go on to post-secondary education.

Overall I quite enjoyed the first part of my high school experience, barring the usual growing pains, but I can imagine how vastly worse it could have been at a different schooland yet I was someone who could blend into the crowd reasonably well. I dont know if it was the diversity of my high school that made the difference, or if it was some long term effect of staff attitudes, or from where people were drawn, or the more academic focus, or random luck. I dont know how you encourage an attitude of openness and acceptance, but obviously it is something that can happen.

So yah, some high schools are much more pleasant places in which to be different than are others. Now, how do you make more of them more pleasant?


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## DeniseW (Jan 14, 2008)

Lamia said:


> I can identify with everything you said. Maybe if I had a secure home life where I felt loved instead of ashamed I might have tried sticking up for myself. My home life was miserable for me as well. My father was on me about my weight constantly and my mother who was fat was also trying to "encourage" me to lose weight. I remember her yelling at a photographer because my pictures were horrible. They looked like me, the problem was my double chin showed. In the middle I could tell she realized what she was doing and she tried to back pedal. Her own mother rode her about her weight constantly. She tried her best not to mirror her mother's behavior, but it didn't always work out that way. When I was home for the holidays this year my grandmother was eyeing me the whole time and I could just feel her judging me. It really made me realize how scrutinized I was as a kid. If as an adult I felt the weight of her stare I can only imagine it as a teen.
> 
> Teenagers are hypersensitive to everything which makes it so much worse. As we get older our senses get duller thankfully.



I think that's what made it harder for me also, having no safe haven. School was like a war zone to me and my home life was in turmoil as well. My parents were always fighting and my father especially I think was embarrassed by my weight and did everything he could to try to get me to lose weight. When they finally divorced, we had to go visit him once a week and I hated it, he would pick over everything I ate and I'd usually leave crying. Yup, school sucked, home sucked.....oh well, it's in the past, thank God...


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## starrbbw (Jan 14, 2008)

I was a chubby girl throughout my Elementary School years but I don't really recall any taunting and teasing from the general group of students. I was however, harassed by one of my 'former best friends' and her 'new friends' that she convinced to torment me. (By the way, she was just as chubby as I was but she somehow justified making fun of me.) 

Middle school went by smoothly. I was in the choir and had three best friends. By this time I had thinned out a little so I was just slightly overweight. I think that may have saved me from the torment and torture that many of you have experienced. 

High School...I 'thought' I was fat but actually I was only a size 10/12/14 depending on the year. However I always had issues with my own body. I didn't have any boyfriends in HS that went to my HS. (However that could be because I always fell for the gay guys who hadn't quite come out yet or realized that they're gay.) But...I did see torment happening to other truly overweight students. I wish I had more confidence back then to stand up for them but back then I was just glad that no one had realized that I was 'fat', too. I just tried to stay under the radar. 

I do remember being in Musicals and hating that I always had to play the part of an older woman because the costumes that would fit me were made for those parts. I couldn't be in a cute little indian costume in Peter Pan...I had to wear an ugly potato sack dress that got caught on Kris' head during leap frog on stage. 

The comment about not fitting in desks. I remember the humiliation in college when I had gained all my weight and had trouble fitting in the desks there. I'm glad that there are some people out there now that do take those things into consideration in their classrooms. 

The question I have or maybe it's just my opinion. What makes children think it's ok to be so mean to another human being?? Could it be that they learn it from those people responsible for shaping them into adults? I have done parent/teacher conferences as a teacher and it's often easy to see that the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. Parents need to take more responsibility for what their children are doing and saying to their peers. When they own up to their part in what their kids are doing...then maybe we can see a turn around. 

It's also great that there are some teachers who do care about bullying and what's being said to peers in school but there are many schools where there's an obvious lack of taking action to prevent those things from happening. 

What we need is for parents and teachers and principals to work together as a team to teach students how to treat each other with respect and kindness.

One more note...to the observation that the upper middle and upper class seems to be the ones with less tolerance in schools....I wonder if there is a little something to this. Perhaps a feeling of being more priviledged than others, of deserving more. But what I don't understand is their need for making others feel badly about themselves.

In closing, everyone should listen to Peter, Paul and Mary's song, 'Don't Laugh at Me'. Share it with your kids, your nieces and nephews, etc.


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## vcrgrrl (Jan 14, 2008)

I grew up in a small town where everyone had their own little groups. From the 3rd grade up, I really can't recall enjoying the social aspect of public school at all. I wasn't physically attacked or anything like that, but I never had any close friends and retained no friendships from my school years. After I was 18, I moved anyhow and just never have talked to anyone that I went to school with again. I doubt I would even recognize anyone after all of these years. 

I don't know if they was because it was such a small town and small school or if kids experience this everywhere. Being that I'm a parent now, I've made sure to talk to my children about treating others right. I think some parents don't take the time to do this with their kids, and I feel that it's very important!


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 14, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I wish my school had been like yours, K. I complained more than once to teachers, guidance counselors, asst. principals, and even the principal. Every time, all I got was "You're making it sound worse than it is," and "Ignore them and they'll stop."
> 
> Oh, I ignored them. That's when things started getting physically abusive. When I was actually stoned, my parents called the parents of the kids who had done that - every one of those parents refused to believe their child had been involved. They all insisted I was lying. My mother, faced with the evidence of cuts, bruises, and bleeding, just let it drop. That's the one thing I've had a hard time forgiving - I really wish she had followed it up with the school somehow.



When I was 8 my mother enrolled me in this inner city summer day camp program. The counseler I was assigned to took an instant dislike to me. I was smart, artsy fartsy, talkative and inquisitive which apparently made me come off as a know it all show off out to show up the other kids. The other kids picked on me mercilessly and the counselor encouraged it. I complained to my mother but she was a community activist and political figure. She didn't believe that anyone would go so far as to do anything to her daughter and thought I was exaggerating. My mother was busy and lazy is what it was.  

One day I ran away from the camp. I didn't exactly run away, I hid. We were meeting in a spot outside and from where I was I could hear the counselor casually asking where I was, if anyone had seen me. She had kids run and check the bathrooms, the busses, etc. I'd been missing all day sitting off by myself on a hill behind a tree watching them from my safe spot, I got so fed up with being physically hit and picked on that I hid. I didn't turn up till the busses arrived and by this time the folks who run the camp were alerted to my disappearance by some of the other kids. My mother had been called, it was a frenzy of alarm and panic. The counselor was being grilled and some of the kids told the main leader that I'd probably run away. When the authorities found out that I'd been missing all day and the counselor didn't report it and that I'd been hiding because I was afraid, that counselor lost her job and my mother was angry with me for causing such a ruckus. She said I should have reported the abuse. I actually felt bad about disappointing my mother, I was too stupid to understand that what I did was brilliant.


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 14, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> When the authorities found out that I'd been missing all day and the counselor didn't report it and that I'd been hiding because I was afraid, that counselor lost her job and my mother was angry with me for causing such a ruckus. She said I should have reported the abuse. I actually felt bad about disappointing my mother, I was too stupid to understand that what I did was brilliant.



I am *really* sorry that happened to you, and I am THRILLEd with how that turned out (you know what I mean...in the events). Only because it so rarely does happen, the bad guy get theirs. You *were* fuckin brill .


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## Mystic Rain (Jan 14, 2008)

My entire years of school was horrible. It was hell on Earth. It was similar to BBM's experience, but I wasn't stoned or anything. That's just terrible, BBM. 

For me, I was a social outcast. I was fat, wore glasses after 3rd grade, and generally a very quiet girl. Plus, I was a teacher's pet with most of my teachers because I was a rather expectional student that did well in most classes. That made me prime bait for the other kids, and it got worse as I entered into middle and high school. 

I could never keep any real friends because most of them tried to be friends with me out of pity. When they got tired of me, they blew me off. So I was always suspicous of everyone who started hanging out with me, and then did really want to be friends because of how badly treated I was by those who called themselves friends. 

I was always the butt of jokes, was teased relentlessly, and harrased. I got pushed and shoved around. When I tried to defend myself, no one ever took me seriously, and I just got laughed at more.

In my senior year, ironically enough the same trick was pulled on me like the girl in "Queen Sized", except it didn't have a happy ending for me. I wanted to be in the election for prom queen, and I got the three nominations required. I was really happy, but then the next day I was approached privately by the homeroom teacher, and she told me that my nomination was part of a bad prank that was to be played on me. They knew who the culprits were, and were going to be punished, but for my safety, they pulled me out of the election. 

I have never been so crushed in my entire life then. I had endured some of the most humilating jokes in the past, but this... they took away my dream. I'd wanted so much to have a chance to be prom queen, and it didn't matter whether or not I won, but just to be a contender was enough for me.

It's taken years for me to forgive all of these people, but I have never ever forgotten.


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## Lamia (Jan 14, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> When I was 8 my mother enrolled me in this inner city summer day camp program. The counseler I was assigned to took an instant dislike to me. I was smart, artsy fartsy, talkative and inquisitive which apparently made me come off as a know it all show off out to show up the other kids. The other kids picked on me mercilessly and the counselor encouraged it. I complained to my mother but she was a community activist and political figure. She didn't believe that anyone would go so far as to do anything to her daughter and thought I was exaggerating. My mother was busy and lazy is what it was.
> 
> One day I ran away from the camp. I didn't exactly run away, I hid. We were meeting in a spot outside and from where I was I could hear the counselor casually asking where I was, if anyone had seen me. She had kids run and check the bathrooms, the busses, etc. I'd been missing all day sitting off by myself on a hill behind a tree watching them from my safe spot, I got so fed up with being physically hit and picked on that I hid. I didn't turn up till the busses arrived and by this time the folks who run the camp were alerted to my disappearance by some of the other kids. My mother had been called, it was a frenzy of alarm and panic. The counselor was being grilled and some of the kids told the main leader that I'd probably run away. When the authorities found out that I'd been missing all day and the counselor didn't report it and that I'd been hiding because I was afraid, that counselor lost her job and my mother was angry with me for causing such a ruckus. She said I should have reported the abuse. I actually felt bad about disappointing my mother, I was too stupid to understand that what I did was brilliant.



You know it's almost always worse when an adult is involved. My 8th grade cheerleading sponsor hated me because she felt I was too fat to be a cheerleader. I was 218lbs. I was also the only one who do front flips, both kinds of splitz, and front walk overs. The other girls could only do cartwheels and round offs, which I could also do. Oh YEAH I am bragging.  She would ignore my suggestions and pretty much acted like I wasn't talking. She threw a slumber party every year for the cheerleaders. She didn't throw it the year I was on the squad, but she did have 3 out of the 5 of us over to her house to spend the night, but it wasn't an "official sleepover". Basically, it was me and my friend who was very poor that was left out. 

I remember the other sponsor had a meeting with 4 of us to discuss my poor friend's BO. She asked us to tell her that she smelled and tell her to buy some deodorant. I told her "Isn't this something you should be talking to her privately about?" She said "I think this kind of thing comes better from your peers". The other 3 girls thought it was funny, until I told them if they said anything to her I would knock them out and when they woke up they'd have roll on jammed up their ass. While she was at my house one day I had bought a new can of deodorant spray I told her it made my arm pits itch and did she want it. She never let on that she knew anything was up. 

I always found it easier to take up for other people than myself.


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 14, 2008)

Lamia said:


> You know it's almost always worse when an adult is involved. My 8th grade cheerleading sponsor hated me because she felt I was too fat to be a cheerleader. I was 218lbs. I was also the only one who do front flips, both kinds of splitz, and front walk overs. The other girls could only do cartwheels and round offs, which I could also do. Oh YEAH I am bragging.  She would ignore my suggestions and pretty much acted like I wasn't talking. She threw a slumber party every year for the cheerleaders. She didn't throw it the year I was on the squad, but she did have 3 out of the 5 of us over to her house to spend the night, but it wasn't an "official sleepover". Basically, it was me and my friend who was very poor that was left out.
> 
> I remember the other sponsor had a meeting with 4 of us to discuss my poor friend's BO. She asked us to tell her that she smelled and tell her to buy some deodorant. I told her "Isn't this something you should be talking to her privately about?" She said "I think this kind of thing comes better from your peers". The other 3 girls thought it was funny, until I told them if they said anything to her I would knock them out and when they woke up they'd have roll on jammed up their ass. While she was at my house one day I had bought a new can of deodorant spray I told her it made my arm pits itch and did she want it. She never let on that she knew anything was up.
> 
> I always found it easier to take up for other people than myself.



People can be such shitheads. I was popular in High School but the experiences I had back when I was younger really angered me and turned me into a formidable bully myself. I would see bullying like what's been described here and would instinctively jump to the person's defense because I knew exactly how that felt. I remember sitting on a fence smoking a cigarette (I no longer smoke) and watching a boy following some girl and giving her a hard time. I sat quietly for a while and then when he looked like he was going to put his hands on her I calmly said, "You do and I'll put my foot up your ass so far it will take surgery to get it out." Hearing these stories and seeing crap like that make me so angry.  It is unacceptable that anyone should have to endure anything like that.

I am so sorry any of you had to go through that.


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## GWARrior (Jan 14, 2008)

I had a pretty good time in high school. I had a lot of friends in different groups, I was active in the drama program and I was always having fun.

My high school was rather small, my graduating class being under 200. 90% of the student population was related to eachother (except me! I was a transplant from CT).

There was the occasional scuffle or fight, but nothing scary. I dont ever remeber being attacked for my weight or how I looked, probably because I was friendly towards everyone and I just stayed as bright and upbeat as possible.

Of course, it helped that I was stoned most of the time.


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## auntiemoo (Jan 14, 2008)

I grew up in the sixties, graduated from high school in the early 70's. Being fat back then was the worst thing you could be and all levels of school, elementary, junior high and high school was definitely the ninth circle of hell. But as someone else pointed out, it did make me stronger. Adults could be as cruel as children. I was so isolated. I still think that if someone in a group is laughing as I pass by they are laughing at me, and I get that same nauseous feeling I got 35 years ago. I think it must be easier today as so many more children are obese. I only hope it is for their sakes.


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## Sweet Tooth (Jan 14, 2008)

starrbbw said:


> I do remember being in Musicals and hating that I always had to play the part of an older woman because the costumes that would fit me were made for those parts. I couldn't be in a cute little indian costume in Peter Pan...I had to wear an ugly potato sack dress that got caught on Kris' head during leap frog on stage.



Ah, yes, but you forget a few benefits of this:

we now have cool stories to tell strangers on Dim
imagine the body makeup we would've needed for the skimpy outfits
the leering we avoided - I remember a few skinny girls being really embarassed

[For those not in the know, Jen and I went to part of elementary, middle, and high school together. She was the skinny friend, especially after having mono.  ]


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## ChubbyBubbles (Jan 14, 2008)

YES! High school IS that bad for fat kids. Especially gym class. Although I was never physically assaulted, I was verbally and mentally assaulted. Kids and teachers alike were cruel to me. (I came from a very small school - only 43 kids in my graduating class) I had a few friends and didn't fit into any of the "popular" clicks. I never had anyone to turn to during my high school years so I became very bitter towards people and to this day I am still very self-conscience in front of other people my age or younger. I still have nightmares about high school and gym class. For me, it was pure HELL.


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## tonynyc (Jan 14, 2008)

Reading the various accounts definitely makes me both angry and sad. I was fortunate not to have the horrible high school experiences;but, cannot say the same for grade school. When I attended catholic elementary school - corporal punishment was the norm so you had to deal with occassional bullies and the mean Brothers and Nuns. The experience defintely changed my views towards the Catholic church that I wanted nothing to do with it once I reached 7th grade and haven't returned since....


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## MissToodles (Jan 14, 2008)

Junior high school was much worse than the high school years. I remembered being endlessly verbally harassed but not really about my weight even though I weighed over 300 lbs by 8th grade. Strange huh? I had another bullied peer in my classes who tried to befriend me, but I didnt want to be associated with him. 

High school was bad in the beginning but since my school had over 2500 students one could also get lost in the crowd. I remember very specific incidents like a boy in gym class who threatened to beat me up and then later told his friends "He was just trying to help me with my weight". o. I also had a gym teacher (running theme) who was just an asshole but I had a friend who confronted her and the teacher never bothered me again. I also had another girl, not a friend, but someone I went to elementary/junior high school offer to beat up anyone who was mean to me. She was fat her self, and really tall. She was one of those rough types but in some ways must have had some heart.


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## LalaCity (Jan 15, 2008)

Myself, I was tortured to within an inch of my sanity as a chubby high schooler. I never really recovered from the taunts -- especially the sexually demeaning hazing I received from boys. On the other hand, I remember a heavy classmate who was the epitome of the "jovial fat-girl," everybody's favorite "big sister," someone no one dared put down because she was so universally liked. Where she was out-going and confident, I was painfully shy and lacking in self-esteem. 

Reflecting back, I think it was a question of personality and the tendency of cruel classmates to "target the weak" which made me such an outcast. Shy fat girl, goth "freak," or clueless nerd -- we all suffered, I feel, because we lacked self-esteem and the mean kids picked up on the fact and exploited it.


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## MrChipz (Jan 15, 2008)

Where bullying is the rule, school authorities are quick to stomp on any victim who hits back. It's only a very rare victim who gets desperate enough to do a Divine Wind number that winds up on the evening news, so so the bullies and their sponsors get away with it.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jan 15, 2008)

I would have to say my days in school were hell..From the first day of 1st grade until I graduated..In grade school it was not the boys but the girls that did the bullying..The boys liked me because I could throw a mean fast ball...LOL Plus after being raised around 6 boys I was not afraid to stand up for myself and bust any one in the nose that made fun of me..

When I got to middle school it was still the girls giving me a hard time but it was more about my race then about my size..I was called every nasty dirty name you could be called for being half Native..This went on all the way through 12th grade...

I remember 2 girls cooking up a scheme of some random boy writing love notes to me and how they use to make fun of me when I would read the notes..I was smart tho and when they wouldn't divulge who the boy was I stopped playing their game..

I hated school and am so glad I never have to live through it again!


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## TallFatSue (Jan 15, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> I remember a heavy classmate who was the epitome of the "jovial fat-girl," everybody's favorite "big sister," someone no one dared put down because she was so universally liked.


Yup, that was my niche in high school. In middle school I felt like the big hulking fat girl with a target or a "kick me" sign on my back. In high school I morphed into a friendly wise ass, the big tall fat girl who made everyone laugh. In retrospect I must have been everybody's favorite "big sister" too. I've heard from several other women in this forum who became the "funny fat girl" in high school as a coping mechanism too. Yes it began as a coping mechanism, but it worked so well that it became part of my personality to this day. Thank goodness I stumbled into it when I was only 14 or 15! 

In high school I had a lot of friends who were boys too, but no really serious boyfriends -- until my college days when Mr. Right fell into my lap. In high school my few boyfriends were either the "you have such a pretty face if only you'd lose 100lb" variety, or those that were interested only in my fat. That was my first experience of "fat lovers" as I called them at the time. 

PS. By the way, TV shows should be taken with a handful of salt. As the "funny fat girl" I had a pretty good high school experience. But TV shows thrive on conflict, and shows about happy well-adjusted people tend to be "boring". It's all about ratings.


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 15, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> PS. By the way, TV shows should be taken with a handful of salt. As the "funny fat girl" I had a pretty good high school experience. But TV shows thrive on conflict, and shows about happy well-adjusted people tend to be "boring". It's all about ratings.



I agree, but I think the point here--in this thread full of real-life experiences--is that in many ways it's also *worse* than depicted.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jan 15, 2008)

I dunno. High school was a great time for me. I was more like the fat comic relief type guy. All the girls loved me like a brother, but no one would date me. Pretty much the same way it is nowadays. I wouldn't trade those high school memories for the world, though.


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## HottiMegan (Jan 15, 2008)

Am I the only person who hated high school not for the kids but the teachers and curriculum? I faked sick a lot just so i wouldn't have to listen to them drone on and on about the same subjects over and over to make sure the dumbest kid in the class would get the information right. I hated that I couldn't have an opinion outside the norms or even read a novel during class instead of taking notes.. They hated that! I rarely did homework and had a 3.0+ GPA. (I graduated with a 4.25 my senior year) I ended up leaving my high school for an alternative high school set on a junior college campus. I fulfilled my high school credits while getting college credit at the same time. That rocked.

I found out after leaving my high school that i was quite popular. No one ever really made fun of me. I think it was because i went to a preppy high school and was what one might call goth (before the term was popular). So i looked kinda scary and was one of the tallest girls in my class so fat AND tall can be intimidating  My biggest thing was people never believed me that I couldn't hook them up with drugs or cigarettes. (they thought since i looked alternative that i was a druggie.. it just the opposite for me) After i left, everyone would ask my friends what happened to me. I had friends in all the circles but mostly hung out with fellow geeks.


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## Tad (Jan 15, 2008)

HottiMegan said:


> Am I the only person who hated high school not for the kids but the teachers and curriculum?



No, you are not the only one. 

Back when I was in school, here in Ontario we had 13 grades, so five years of high school :doh: (it took you to an equivalent of first level AP courses, I think). Which is why I was so desperate to get into this one accelerated program that let me do grades 9, 10, and 11 in two years! It meant one less year of high school, and because the material came on faster it was not as boring, and because you had to have good grades to get into the program everyone in it was at least fairly bright, which meant that teachers didn't have to teach down as much. All of which made things tolerable, but still boring and tedious and too long.

And yah, I got busted for reading a novel under the desk in chemistry class. I was still following the class just fine, but it was not appreciated by the teacher.


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 15, 2008)

edx said:


> No, you are not the only one.
> 
> Back when I was in school, here in Ontario we had 13 grades, so five years of high school :doh: (it took you to an equivalent of first level AP courses, I think). Which is why I was so desperate to get into this one accelerated program that let me do grades 9, 10, and 11 in two years! It meant one less year of high school, and because the material came on faster it was not as boring, and because you had to have good grades to get into the program everyone in it was at least fairly bright, which meant that teachers didn't have to teach down as much. All of which made things tolerable, but still boring and tedious and too long.
> 
> And yah, I got busted for reading a novel under the desk in chemistry class. I was still following the class just fine, but it was not appreciated by the teacher.



I did the same thing, Ed ... the only drawback being, I went to college when I was 17. In retrospect, I wasn't ready ... was far too young & immature. I nearly flunked out of my first year of college, because I was far more interested in parties and a kickin' social life than I was my studies ... and too young to really understand the repurcussions of those very poor decisions. Nearly 20 years later, and with a STILL huge student loan hanging over my head (I promptly lost my tuition waiver and scholarship), I'm getting it  I'm not sure I'd recommend accelerated programs for all bright kids ... at least, not for kids like me ... I wasn't exceedingly bright, so much as I was highly motivated.


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## krazyk1372 (Jan 15, 2008)

I think for me K-12th grade was dreadful. To the fact that if I see certain people today, it brings back the same feelings I had when I was in school.
I remember being in the third grade, and i was the fattest kid in school, we were in the cafeteria and my teacher walked up to me in front of the class and said "you need to start bringing your own lunch. You mom needs to fix you diet food like tuna fish and crackers." She then reached in my plate took my brownie and gave it to someone else in the class because I didn't need it. Can you believe that this woman still tries to speak to me when she sees me now??? 
Jr. High was just as bad, I went to the same school from K-9th grade with mostly the same kids. You would think that after that many years, they would get over the fat jokes and the animal noises and the smart ass remarks about "Mt St. Helens' is fixing to erupt" comments. But I guess ignorant people just never get a clue. 
High school was just as bad. I was a very shy girl, did not get asked to go to any dances, or events. I never dated. And for me, my mom would try to make it all better by saying, your a beautiful girl, if you would loose some weight, you could have any guy you want. 

So I guess to answer your question, yes for some of us school is that horrible.

It really thrills me to see those people who caused me so much grief today and see that they have gained weight or loosing their hair or any little imperfection. 

My daughter goes to the same school and she is overweight and so far she hasn't encountered the criticism that i did, so maybe times are changing.

Kova


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 15, 2008)

Boy, you know, I didn't mean to drone so grimly on about HS. It *was* awful for me in lots of ways, that is the truth, but I don't think that answers Butch's question. I don't think it *had* to be, despite having a better than good shot at being so . I mean, I sure wish it had been better.

It's just that writing about your mindset then can really put you somewhere grim! Blech. I couldn't be happier not to be that age anymore.


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## Tad (Jan 15, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I did the same thing, Ed ... the only drawback being, I went to college when I was 17. In retrospect, I wasn't ready ... was far too young & immature. I nearly flunked out of my first year of college, because I was far more interested in parties and a kickin' social life than I was my studies ... and too young to really understand the repurcussions of those very poor decisions. Nearly 20 years later, and with a STILL huge student loan hanging over my head (I promptly lost my tuition waiver and scholarship), I'm getting it  I'm not sure I'd recommend accelerated programs for all bright kids ... at least, not for kids like me ... I wasn't exceedingly bright, so much as I was highly motivated.



Ummm, yah. I still only hit uni at 18, same as most people do these days, and really I was not ready for it yet. I really think dropping grade 13 was a mistake....for all that high school is torture, I think 19 is a better age to start post-secondary. When the time comes, may well suggest to my son that he go do something else for a year.


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## HottiMegan (Jan 15, 2008)

edx said:


> No, you are not the only one.
> 
> Back when I was in school, here in Ontario we had 13 grades, so five years of high school :doh: (it took you to an equivalent of first level AP courses, I think). Which is why I was so desperate to get into this one accelerated program that let me do grades 9, 10, and 11 in two years! It meant one less year of high school, and because the material came on faster it was not as boring, and because you had to have good grades to get into the program everyone in it was at least fairly bright, which meant that teachers didn't have to teach down as much. All of which made things tolerable, but still boring and tedious and too long.
> 
> And yah, I got busted for reading a novel under the desk in chemistry class. I was still following the class just fine, but it was not appreciated by the teacher.



I would have gone for that program if it had been offered to me. i was grateful for my opportunity by my school district. I loved my last two years of high school.


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## Gspoon (Jan 15, 2008)

I was never fat. But I was picked on. I never had the really nerdy look. But I hung out with nerdy people. To be honest, High school is hell, Period.

And the reason why people bully one another, Because no one knows who they are themselves, you are different from them so they have to make themselves feel better by making you feel bad. I mean, I would constantly say to myself "Where do they get off pushing people around? They have all the same troubles I do"

High school for me wasn't too bad along the lines of being picked on. I was fairly weak before hand, I bulked up some, and I just didn't care what others had to say. Thats when I felt I was ready to show I was an FA and date the fattest girl in my grade.


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## starrbbw (Jan 15, 2008)

> She was the skinny friend, especially after having mono.




Yes, but Grams fattened me up with her cookies and then yelled at us for getting fat! lol

Ok, ok...it probably had something to do with all of the Taco Hell and National Coney Island I ate, too.

Hey, wasn't there a brief time when we were both at the same college at the same time, too?


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## Jack Skellington (Jan 15, 2008)

I've always been thin and my HS years were, shall we say, unpleasant.


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## Just_Jen (Jan 16, 2008)

after reading these posts i think it's safe to say that high school reall is the ninth circle of hell...

mine too were not good..reading the posts had made me rather weepy and rember things i really dont want to remember tbh..those years got me into a lot of bad coping mechanisms to deal with that crap so it's fair to say that it wasnt a fairytale...


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## moore2me (Jan 16, 2008)

Reading all the OPs stories about persecution in junior high, high school, and sometimes at home at first made me sad. Keep in mind, I too was a victim of this abuse, so I knew exactly what my fellow Dimmers had gone thru - altho it didn't occur to me until this Thread was started. *By the way, thanks for that Butch! * And then, I noticed several posters wishing they could have helped some of us that were victimized by bullies or giving tips for how to handle bullies or mistreatment. 

*This group altruistic behavior is amazing and to see it among people who are loosely tied by an internet discussion forum and who have gathered on a topic of fat acceptance is even more wonderful. Do you guys realize what is going on here?* A problem that existed in our past & continues to exist to others today has been identified. Our group (call it the hive) has responded with concern and have expressed willingness to help (altho it was in the past). * I think this is the start of a new age phenomenon.* And even more spectacular, the group is made up of people around the world - different races, ages, sexes, income levels, educational levels, disability levels, political and religious affliliations.

*If we only had this kind of resource and support when we were younger and going thru junior high and high school. Wouldn't that have made a great difference in many of our lives?* I know it would have in mine - to know I wasn't alone, that there were others like me on the planet. I wouldn't have felt so much like a pariah, an untouchable, or a worthless "dog turd". To know have had friends, men friends, women friends, black friends, white friends, and even more marvelous - I could have had friends from all over the world. I would have been so proud and special at my school if people knew I had friends from Germany, Ireland, England, Sweden, Finland, India, Australia, NewZealand, Canada, and the other exotic places we only read about in books.

Now, if someone really is interested in helping young people, we could work on starting a similar support internet group for adolescents. Maybe this would be something to discuss at a conference or on a new thread. We know there is a need out there. We know there is suffering - we have been there ourselves.


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 16, 2008)

HottiMegan said:


> Am I the only person who hated high school not for the kids but the teachers and curriculum? I.



No, not at all, I was just focusing on size issues because of Butch's question. So VERY many ways to parse the misery of HS. Heh.

But yeah. When I moved I ended up repeating almost *2 years* of curriculum because the school system was so much worse. I almost went out of my head from boredom and frustration. I think it's why I ended up focusing (bizarrely) on math/calculus so much, because it was the only thing that was new, other than languages. I had a great calculus teacher (an anomaly, he--the greatest) and I really loved it.


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## lipmixgirl (Jan 18, 2008)

i have always been a fat girl... i know nothing else... by age 3, i weighed 80 lbs... at 10, i weighed 200... i topped out in 8th grade in the upper 200's and currently, i am 10 lbs heavier than my 8th grade fighting weight... so, therefore, i only know living fat...

in pre-school, i had my crushes... was rather popular and ran after the boys... one boy in particular - steven... yeah, at the tender age of three, i was charging him down and attempting to kiss him... 

elementary school, again i was very well known... not sure if popular is the correct term... but, everyone knew me... of course there were comments, but nothing that was extraordinary in the realm of childhood teasing... i do remember, that when kids used to make fun of me, i would simply look at them and say "thank you"... they were, to say the least, overly confused...

middle school... 6th & 7th grade - 2 of the most miserable years of my life... the boundaries were redrawn and the overwhelming majority of the kids i grew up with ended up at a different "feeder" school. it was like being the new girl. i will spare everyone the gory details, but will say that heatherbbw, the dim board, and all of my dimmers have contributed to my recovering from damage inflicted in my 6th and 7th grade years...

and then... 8th grade and upper school... in 8th grade i transferred to a very small private girls school... there were only 45 girls in my class... i WAS the heaviest girl in the school... in fact, at the time, i was the heaviest girl in the HISTORY of the school... however, those 5 years ROCKED! i loved my time in upper school... being that it was a very small school... everyone knew me... and i stood out not so much for being fat, but for being... well... me... (if you have met me, you understand)... 

if i could wave a magic wand and go back to 8th grade, i'd do it again in a heartbeat... in fact, this weekend, i will be hosting a sleepover for 3 6th graders and it will be a middle school weekend of fun... we're baking cupcakes, making t-shirts, and watching ferris bueller's day off - in addition to playing a host of video games and having a pizza party... 

the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:


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## Sweet Tooth (Jan 18, 2008)

starrbbw said:


> Hey, wasn't there a brief time when we were both at the same college at the same time, too?



No, that was the other fat friend....

Wait, maybe at Wayne. You expect me to remember? LOL


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## troubadours (Jan 20, 2008)

hmmm.. i too have been fat for as long as i can remember (since 2nd grade or so). i got teased a lot in grammar school.. insults that stick out include so-called "friends" at the time telling me certain clothes made me look fat and once, at lunch, saying that every friday my family ordered pizza and having a girl push her nose up and snort at me. the first time a boy ever liked me was in the 6th grade. he decided to tell me a few days before he was moving to florida lol. he told me he never thought he'd like someone as big as me. that made me feel really weird at the time.

so, when it was time to graduate and go to high school, i decided to go to a private all girl's school that no one else from my grammar school would be going to. to my knowledge, i didn't get teased, but i didn't really get noticed, either. until i decided to cut my hair and wear makeup and date a friend who liked me just for the sake of having a boyfriend while all my friends did... then i really got noticed. a lot of people started talking to me. i even got voted class clown in my yearbook  high school was awesome.

i haven't really been teased in college either, i just have to deal with ignorant friends making anti-fat comments around me. 

so i guess i'm pretty lucky.


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## superodalisque (Jan 20, 2008)

i loved high school! i had friends in all kinds of different cliques. i didn't have any enemies. mainly i hug out with nerdy and arty types. i like to think that we were the generation that made geeks cool. we thought that if you didn't have an intellectual streak you were boring. i did have friends who were into sports who were slightly nerdy. there was never really much of an issue with my weight. i don't quite know why. maybe because i broke the stereotype a little. i did play sports. i was on the volleyball team. adored tennis--i'll still play if you promise to hit it to me sometimes. i played at basketball . i still have a nice shot that i practice with my nephew in the driveway. when i was in high school i never could make that team. i did manage to beat some thin boys at some things during the notorious physical fitness tests. i had to "let" one friend beat me --i think it was the 40yd dash. he was a lil geeky type. he would have gotten the teasing of a lifetime if i'd beaten him. at the time i was only about 250lbs though. i should really ask about my rep at the next reunion.


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## Zandoz (Jan 20, 2008)

For me, high school was not a problem. 

Freshman year nobody knew me...there were only 4 of us that went on to that school, and I was the only guy. I basically just tagged along with a distant cousin and his friends.

Sophomore year it was another new building. The group I'd hung out with the year before mostly went on to vocational school, but then there were older kids from my neighborhood there...they knew me and were OK with me. In the first couple weeks of classes, I unintentionally developed a bit of a rep after repeatedly putting "star" football players on their butts during gym class football...PO'd the coach/gym-teacher, but earned a bit of reluctant respect from jock/social clique...and instant acceptance from the folks who had it in for the jocks & socials. After a couple months of that year, I was working 30-40 hours a week, and when not working or in class I was working on my cars. I just was not around for there to be much time to hassle me.

Junior and senior years I would go in for a couple early morning classes, leave for work, then come back for for an end of the day class, before returning to work. Again, there was never time for anyone to give me much grief.


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## Ryan (Jan 21, 2008)

I noticed that the fat kids I went to school with got picked on a lot. Not to the point of getting beat up, but teased and ridiculed.


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## ssbbwsarehot (Feb 6, 2008)

Did any of you drop out because of teasing or P.E.? My wife did and she's become pretty much un-hireable even though she got a GED as soon as she was eligible after she dropped out.


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## ClashCityRocker (Feb 6, 2008)

high school was absolutely dreadful for me, too...although i'm not fat. im a scrawny little thing...at least i was back then. i think younguns in general are ignorant and ugly towards anyone that's not enough like them to befriend...however i didnt see too terribly much ridicule of fat guys/girls going on...save for 1 or 2 isolated incidents here and there. either way anyone who can come through that is definitely coming out a stronger person in the end.


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## missy_blue_eyez (Feb 6, 2008)

I loved school. I was one of the bigger girls in my year, ive always been on the bigger boned side hehe. I had boyfriends and lots of friends and as much as it makes me cringe to say it I was one of the 'popular' people at school. 

There were a few things that happened though, there was a bit of nasty graffiti a few times written in the girls toilets 'Naomi is a fat sl*g' 'Naomi is an ugly fat cow' and loads of stuff like that. I used to get upset over it but in the end I just had to try and forget it. I was much smaller than too! LOL.

I think I got through stuff like that because I was quite outspoken and forthright school, I wasnt afraid of standing my ground and I earned many allies that way me thinks. 

Overall I did love school, would definately go back!


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## flip.the.nuts (Feb 6, 2008)

Highschool wasn't too bad for me, even though I had very few friends.

I was in quite a nice school, I didn't fit anywhere in the social setup, I was like a lone dark weirdo...

:blink:


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## Outsidethebox (Feb 6, 2008)

High school was not that bad for me. My senior year was pretty damn awesome as a matter of fact. The only problem I ever remember having was that some people were a little scared of me, I was told I always looked mad (I think people were just mistaking my blank face for an angry face though). I always got respect for being smart though, and I had a good number of friends. I was very popular in my cosmetology ROP classes (and respected for my abilities with make-up). My senior year was mostly being out all night every night with my friends.

So yeah, I was never teased or tormented in school.


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## Bacchus (Feb 6, 2008)

I know personaly I caught alot of hell through school,especially through grade school. Constant picking and teasing not just because of my weight but because my family was poor. That continued up untill Jr. High when I learned the release that is physical violence. I fought constantly, and had an attidue all the time. A kid would make a crack about my weight and I'd my a crack in his skull. I spent more time in the principles office and at home due to suspension then I did at school. The worst parts of it all was that I wasn't a person who liked to fight. I actually hated hurting people, but when one is pushed to that point constantly something has to give. Of course the staff at the school was no help either they thought it was my fault and some how I was brining this all on myself(I guess I made the mistake of exsisting or something) or basicly told me to accept my constant degradation quietly, as if by being fat I some how deserved it and should just shut up and take it. Well I didn't. I just turned into a one man wrecking crew. In fact I fought so much that in my 9th grade year I was expelled, however when I came back things were diffrent. I had made enough of a name for my self that I wasn't bothered. I had their fear if not their respect. High school went buy very smoothly. I never had to have any disciplinary action taken agianst me for those three years and I graduated in the top 5 of my class. So I'd say the experience various but the way it's presented in the media isn't totally unbelieveable.





oh by the by BigBeautifulMe your story really really makes me angrey. The fact that people can stand by and let things like that happen really speaks ill of our society as a whole.


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## LillyBBBW (Feb 7, 2008)

Bacchus said:


> I know personaly I caught alot of hell through school,especially through grade school. Constant picking and teasing not just because of my weight but because my family was poor. That continued up untill Jr. High when I learned the release that is physical violence. I fought constantly, and had an attidue all the time. A kid would make a crack about my weight and I'd my a crack in his skull. I spent more time in the principles office and at home due to suspension then I did at school. The worst parts of it all was that I wasn't a person who liked to fight. I actually hated hurting people, but when one is pushed to that point constantly something has to give. Of course the staff at the school was no help either they thought it was my fault and some how I was brining this all on myself(I guess I made the mistake of exsisting or something) or basicly told me to accept my constant degradation quietly, as if by being fat I some how deserved it and should just shut up and take it. Well I didn't. I just turned into a one man wrecking crew. In fact I fought so much that in my 9th grade year I was expelled, however when I came back things were diffrent. I had made enough of a name for my self that I wasn't bothered. I had their fear if not their respect. High school went buy very smoothly. I never had to have any disciplinary action taken agianst me for those three years and I graduated in the top 5 of my class. So I'd say the experience various but the way it's presented in the media isn't totally unbelieveable.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Shoot. I can't Rep you again. You've only got THREE posts and already I'm impressed. Welcome once again Bacchus.


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## Ben from England (Feb 7, 2008)

Interesting thread. High school was very much like the rest of school for me. I was always a chubby kid, and although I got picked on a bit for it I always had a good group of friends. Rather than being a constant living hell, for me there are a few embarrassing or painful moments in there (class swimming when I was 9 or 10 stands out, as do a few particularly bad Phys ed lessons), and I think it was a breeding ground for insecurities that'll always be with me. I think as a fat kid the thing i regret most is that I missed out on school romances, my first kiss was (after i lost some weight) when I was 17, at the point most of my friends we're already in relationships and stuff. I've always felt a little behind on that front. But then, for every painful experience, every really bad day, there are always some really good memories as well. Looking back I think i generally had an alright time, but I wouldn't want to do it over again.


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## Scrumptious_voluptuous (Feb 7, 2008)

Maybe it depends what TV you watch. The average American High school on TV does look particularly merciless, but in the UK we've only got stuff like 'Grange Hill' to compare to - where one fat guy ended up OD-ing in the back of the arcades, and the other was... well, a bit of a Legend! 'Ro_land_!!! Come here, Ro_land_!'

Personally, I hated the first two years, but they turned out to be character building because in the last three years I was the Big, Funny, Loud person I'm more comfortable being, turning the tables on the bullies (being louder and better at comebacks than them helps.) but still concentrating enough on schoolwork to get good enough grades.

Mind you, I went to an all girls school which helped. I think in a mixed school theres a LOT more pressure, and its a lot harder for gals to beat the boys.


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## Bacchus (Feb 7, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Shoot. I can't Rep you again. You've only got THREE posts and already I'm impressed. Welcome once again Bacchus.



*blushes* thank you


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## moonshadow (Feb 7, 2008)

edx said:


> Ummm, yah. I still only hit uni at 18, same as most people do these days, and really I was not ready for it yet. I really think dropping grade 13 was a mistake....for all that high school is torture, I think 19 is a better age to start post-secondary. When the time comes, may well suggest to my son that he go do something else for a year.



I went through high school in Ontario, attended grade 13 and was pretty bitter at the time that I had an extra year of school. But I spent my first year of University in another province with grade 12 graduates a year younger, and realized that I was far more prepared for the transition from high school because I had that extra year.

I went to an arts focused school that did not have the traditional cliques that most high schools seem to. So even though I was heavy, I was never teased or taunted, although I was completely aware that I was not a girl that anyone would consider dating because of my weight. I didn't particularly enjoy high school, but was not miserable. It breaks my heart to read some the experiences described here.


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## funkyvixen416 (Feb 26, 2008)

Well i was never teased in highschool for being overweight. i was teased when i was younger for being "dark" which haunted me for a long time and still does sometime. I wasn't as big as now, maybe 30lbs lighter. i was not the biggest person or girl in the school, so that may be the reason i had no problem. My school had 2000+ students, so there was a lot of diversity and lots of people to tease. i did get teased at my high school job by co-workers and assistant managers, which is part of the the reason i left that job. 
Actually our prom queen was plus size. She was the most popular girl in the school, so it made since. We had had a scandal with our prom queen nomination, so they had all the seniors pick who they wanted in a ballot before prom and she won even though she had not shown interest in running for prom queen. 
So, i guess it depends on the school and the where and all that stuff.


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## lestamore (Feb 26, 2008)

I was really short and skinny until my sophmore year in high school. I was always the smallest. I also dressed funny, had braces and glasses and used big words. I was also the new kid starting catholic school in 6th grade with a full class that had been all the same group since kindergarten. So yes I was teased, followed home, hit, etc. Mostly by my 'friends'. I did consider suicide, I cried myself to sleep regularly, and was sent (once)to a counselor for depression. Seventh grade was horrible, until at one point something clicked and I thought to myself, "I don't have to put up with this!, These people are not my friends and I don't owe them anything." For some reason I thought it was important to formally release these girls from any obligations of friendship, so I slipped it into innocuous conversations. I doubt any of them realized what I was even talking about. After that I spent lunch and recess on my own. Occasionally I would hang out with other groups, but if they were ever mean or exclusive I just left. I cultivated the idea that I was my own best friend and didn't need anyone's attention to prove it to me. And by the time I finished that I was about 215 which is where I've been ever since.

By the end of 8th grade I was the class mascot. Everyone signed my yearbook, 3 boys admitted crushes on me. I still wasn't part of a clique and I had none of the kind of friends you see outside of school, but that seemed fine. (My family was really tight knit and almost discouraged me from having friends. Not almost, the did it explicitly.)

In high school I kept the same attitude and despite going from 4"10 and 90lb as a freshman to 5"1 and 160 as a senior, I was generally well liked if not popular. I had friends, one or two really close friends in particular, but I still felt like essentially a loner. My family at this point began to be really down on my about my weight, and I did get a bit defensive and I did assume that it was universally accepted that bigger meant less attractive or appealing, but I pretty much knew that my parents were full of crap and that accepting my body was a good thing. I did at some level resign to becoming a nun some day because I didn't think I could find a boyfriend.  Of course my knowledge of boys was non existent because it was an all girls school. (Which probably cut down on immature behavior in general).

In college, everything worked out fine! I even got wooed by my first boyfriend. I was even a bit popular. Who knew? By the end of that, I was my current weight of about 215 and pretty ok with it, although it wasn't till I found you all that I really developed LOVE for my body and not just acceptance. Throughout my life, however, in tough situations, the deep feeling that I am my own best friend and advocate has served me well.


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## bb19 (Feb 26, 2008)

I went to an alternative high school because middle school was hell. 
I learned so much about myself, i had a great time, everyone was 
friends with everyone and although i was only made fun of once to 
my face, i don't know how many times i was made fun of behind my back. 
High School was a freekin blast for me... I wish i could go back sometimes


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## CrazyGuy13 (Feb 26, 2008)

As a skinny, athletic person, both now and growing up, obviously I wouldnt have had to worry about it. Throughout my highschool career though I never noticed anyone singling out heavier kids any more than they would pick on everyone else. 

My personal opinion was if you didn't bug me I wouldn't bug you. I generally avoided confrontation of any kind in highschool just by minding my own business and not really caring what other people were doing or saying.


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## Tracy (Feb 27, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Some of these children are mentally ill but *some have been broken by the cruelty of their peers. No one should live with brutal words hurled at them every day. It is abuse and it should not be tolerated. Ever. Anyone who turns a blind eye to that kind of abuse is partially responsible for the consequences*, in my opinion.
> :bow:




NancyGirl all I can say is AMEN! This statement should be a billboard across the United States. People in our society should open their eyes and see how cruel they are treating others.


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## OfftoOtherPlaces (Feb 27, 2008)

At the time I was pretty irritated about high school, even though I actually had it quite well.

For 12 years I went to a small private school. To give you an idea of how small, my senior graduating class was 32 people. It was good because class sizes were small, you got more attention from teachers (good if you have ADHD or an LD), and there was a tight sense of community. Very good education. It was bad because by the time high school rolled around, everyone was so damned cliquish, and I didn't quite fit in with any group. It was a secluded school, way out in the boonies, and because people came to it from all over the area, I didn't have any friends in my hometown. It used to depress me, make me insecure and get me down, but by my senior year I had quit caring. I could add more details, but it basically wasn't until college that I began to flourish socially.

Also I was bullied in middle school-- it still makes me angry. I had a bully in 10th grade too, but no one liked him. Once when he gave me trouble in the hallway I knocked him down.


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