# Fat as a compliment?



## mergirl (Apr 17, 2009)

I was at a wedding last weekend and my friend that i hadn't seen for a while said "you look georgous with that bit of extra weight on you". I totally took this as a compliment of course! I began to wonder if maby i took this as a compliment because i am an Fa and that other women might not have. You hear people trying to compliment people all the time by asking them if they have lost weight. Has anyone been complimented (by a non Fa) by anything to do with fat/weight/curves. 
hmm.. should this be on the 'weight board'? I'm not turned on..promise!


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## Dism4l (Apr 17, 2009)

Nothing to contribute, unfortunately, but I'm very excited to hear what others say! Great idea, mergirl.


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## Tau (Apr 17, 2009)

That was definitely a compliment. I have met people who are not strictly fat admirers but can see beauty beyond the bounds of what the rest of the world have been brainwashed into accepting as beautiful. There are just some people who look better fat and for me its just plain common sense to see that and compliment them for it. I've been complimented in that people say I look beautiful etc but, and I spose its cos I'm very fat, I've never had a non-FA tell me the fat looks good. The compliments are always about my face, hair, clothes, outfit etc, never - oh, that weight suits you.


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## Cors (Apr 17, 2009)

I almost always get complimented on weight gain by non-FAs, though I don't like ANY weight-related comment at all. I am underweight though, if that makes a difference.


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## mergirl (Apr 17, 2009)

hmm.. this makes me wonder if the compliments are dependent on your actual size. I think geography has a lot to do with things too. hmm the guy who complemented me was gay.. so there wern't any sexual undertones in regards to my awsome heaving bousums either!


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## altered states (Apr 17, 2009)

I've never had the balls to say this to a woman. I say it to my GF, rarely, and she barely lets me get away with it. Worse, I've felt compelled to compliment people on losing weight because I thought it was what they wanted/needed to hear.


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## mergirl (Apr 17, 2009)

tres huevos said:


> I've never had the balls to say this to a woman. I say it to my GF, rarely, and she barely lets me get away with it. Worse, I've felt compelled to compliment people on losing weight because I thought it was what they wanted/needed to hear.


Yeah, i started a thread on that last week, about how i feel compelled to say 'oh, have you lost weight?' when really it doesnt matter. Its funny though, I REALLY did take it as a complement..though i'm not sure a lot of women would.. 
I never say to a women 'oh, you look great, you've gained weight!" cause i dont want them to freak out and lose it all! lmao  
wow. i am such a horror i never even realised!


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 17, 2009)

I'm a paysite model who dates FAs so I get complemented on fat all the time. I genuinely receive it as a compliment at this point though once or twice I've had to wonder. I was in a drug store not too long ago and there was a guy walking in my direction down the aisle. His eyes grew wide when he saw me and he said, "Whoa, big mamma!" I couldn't read how he meant it so I just didn't say anything. Happened to me in Germany once too. I wasn't sure how to read it, could have come from any place. A transient perhaps?


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## mergirl (Apr 17, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> I'm a paysite model who dates FAs so I get complemented on fat all the time. I genuinely receive it as a compliment at this point though once or twice I've had to wonder. I was in a drug store not too long ago and there was a guy walking in my direction down the aisle. His eyes grew wide when he saw me and he said, "Whoa, big mamma!" I couldn't read how he meant it so I just didn't say anything. Happened to me in Germany once too. I wasn't sure how to read it, could have come from any place. A transient perhaps?


oh whooat really?? yeah..it must be hard to know how to actually take a comment like that?! Its funny that some people just 'say' stuff like that. It either means they are totally turned on and can't control themselves or they are a bit backward and can't control themselves. Either way to make any comment on someones body like that indicates some sort of lack of self control. 
I thought calling someone 'mamma' was an American thing for ages then my gf said that some kids called her that. I also thought it was a comment reserved for black people and slightly racist, but my gf is white white and she was called it. i have no idea. people are mental!


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## collared Princess (Apr 17, 2009)

This maybe a little off the original thought but ...one time I was at Niagara Falls and I was sitting under a shade tree listening to the sound of the falls when a bus load of Japanese people got out of the bus and came straight over to me started taking pictures and posing around me like I was a statue..they didn't speak English and I got pissed really fast but couldn't get up because it would have made them take more pics..so I gave them the international sign for there photos..I gave them the finger..that's all I knew to do..it was the craziest thing that has happened to me concerning my weight and reactions in public


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## disconnectedsmile (Apr 17, 2009)

tres huevos said:


> I've never had the balls to say this to a woman. I say it to my GF, rarely, and she barely lets me get away with it. Worse, I've felt compelled to compliment people on losing weight because I thought it was what they wanted/needed to hear.


girls i've dated/been with in the past have received my compliments for being fat. i.e. "i love the feel of your fat" or "you are fat and lovely," etc.
the girls i have been with have grown to get used to, and even _like_ hearing these things


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## disconnectedsmile (Apr 17, 2009)

Cors said:


> I almost always get complimented on weight gain by non-FAs, though I don't like ANY weight-related comment at all. I am underweight though, if that makes a difference.


probably? maybe they think you look better with a fleshier form, and that's perfectly okay


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## mergirl (Apr 17, 2009)

collared Princess said:


> This maybe a little off the original thought but ...one time I was at Niagara Falls and I was sitting under a shade tree listening to the sound of the falls when a bus load of Japanese people got out of the bus and came straight over to me started taking pictures and posing around me like I was a statue..they didn't speak English and I got pissed really fast but couldn't get up because it would have made them take more pics..so I gave them the international sign for there photos..I gave them the finger..that's all I knew to do..it was the craziest thing that has happened to me concerning my weight and reactions in public


Oh yeah.. i have heard this happening. My ex lived in hong kong for a year, when she was younger and while she wasnt fat at the time she was a bit chubby. She said it was kinna freaky because she was like 13 and all these guys were staring at her tits on the train. They just hadn't seen that many people with curves, so it was really special or something. Anyway, they loved it..which was kinna creepy, seeing my ex was 13 at the time. (when i went out with her she was 27 btw..just so you know! lol)


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## mergirl (Apr 17, 2009)

disconnectedsmile said:


> probably? maybe they think you look better with a fleshier form, and that's perfectly okay


Yeah, but if she doesnt like people talking about her weight its not ok.. I know what your saying though, that some people might think someone looks better when they are fatter.. but, some people just dont want people talking about their weight either way..i can get that too.


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 17, 2009)

mergirl said:


> oh whooat really?? yeah..it must be hard to know how to actually take a comment like that?! Its funny that some people just 'say' stuff like that. It either means they are totally turned on and can't control themselves or they are a bit backward and can't control themselves. Either way to make any comment on someones body like that indicates some sort of lack of self control.
> I thought calling someone 'mamma' was an American thing for ages then my gf said that some kids called her that. I also thought it was a comment reserved for black people and slightly racist, but my gf is white white and she was called it. i have no idea. people are mental!



When I was younger and just beginning to develope as a woman I was full figured a la "Anna Nicole Smith" full figured. For me it was a horrific time because I was developing early and was still a littel girl mentally yet I had guys cat calling and wolf whistling all the time. I liked the way I looked but having guys be so forward and aggressive totally scared the shit out of me. The world is full of rude apes who don't care at all about social graces. I still get them eeevery once in a while, most especially in black community settings but rarely do I hear someone point directly at teh fat. The come ons are usually generalized. That's why with those two 'big mamma' comments I wondered. Mindless apes? Most definitley but it could have been meant as a compliment and not a missive.


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## rollhandler (Apr 17, 2009)

I have personally had occasion to compliment women on their size randomly in public and in the context of conversation at places like a cash register or suchlike. 
Instance a) There was a woman in line ahead of me. She was a stunning not fat but soft bodied black woman with a very nice figure. She was making note to the cashier that she shouldnt be buying this item (not sure what it was right now) citing the minute on the lips, months on the hips mantra. I simply looked at her and casually remarked that "it may look good there." Her reply was something about a diet she would be crashing to whit my remark in return was " I dont see why you would want to diet, you have a beautiful figure"......she looked at the cashier with a smile, the cashier was nodding repeatedly the lady customer who smiled wider, blushed and left.

Instance b) was at an in-law relatives house. People coming and going, extending thoughtless greetings that everyone mentions but nobody really cares what the answers are. Woman one walks in and greets woman two with the offhanded wow you look good, are you losing weight? Woman two comments no, ive gained "X lbs"....my comment from the peanut gallery? "It looks good on you" Woman one harumphs and carries on woman two smiles and thanks me.

There are instances where those compliments can make a persons day. Im kinda out there a bit as an FA and I take chances when they arise. The catch is that if not worded correctly the person gets offended badly but, a vague compliment of form or figure in the right situation makes two people feel good; the complimenter, and the complimentee.

I always figured after seeing all the posts about how to find FAs, that we should make a presence in public in much the same way that thin lovers do complimenting the skinny minnies. The catch is finding the right situations to do so. I figure what the hell, take a chance, the smile and blush is worth it.
Rollandler


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## the hanging belly (Apr 18, 2009)

I think that most of the time you can tell whether its a compliment or not. I have a long time friend who told me quite a while ago that he loves my fat, and it surprised me because I'd never had anyone sincerely tell me that before. Usually people say it sarchastically to me (or just talk behind their back), and its very obvious they're just being assholes. But I didn't question his sincerity for a minute, and it really did make my day. Theres a point where its just really nice to hear, but if it goes overboard it can be really crap.

And collared princess, that story was really sad to read I wish people would consider that we all have feelings first before treating you that way


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## largehipslover (Apr 18, 2009)

tres huevos said:


> I've never had the balls to say this to a woman. I say it to my GF, rarely, and she barely lets me get away with it. Worse, I've felt compelled to compliment people on losing weight because I thought it was what they wanted/needed to hear.


I kind of feel the same way. I don't know if I ever personally met a woman beside my wife who would be comfortable hearing "wow, you gained weight, you look so good!!". For me it's a sincere compliment. I really feel weird saying the opposite because that's not what I think, but 90% of women I know want to hear that.

It's also weird how it's considered impolite to even say it in third person, like "she gained a lot of weight, she looks awesome"... I wish society was more open.


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## Tracii (Apr 18, 2009)

I've had some fat compliments from women only not from guys.


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## JenFromOC (Apr 18, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I was at a wedding last weekend and my friend that i hadn't seen for a while said "you look georgous with that bit of extra weight on you". I totally took this as a compliment of course! I began to wonder if maby i took this as a compliment because i am an Fa and that other women might not have. You hear people trying to compliment people all the time by asking them if they have lost weight. Has anyone been complimented (by a non Fa) by anything to do with fat/weight/curves.
> hmm.. should this be on the 'weight board'? I'm not turned on..promise!



I'm 7 months pregnant and have probably gained about 10-12 pounds. A couple of weeks ago, one of my male co-workers said, "Wow Jen, you're finally getting big and wide." I was horrified LOL. He said, "That was a compliment....you're supposed to get fat when you're pregnant!" I didn't take it as a compliment...and he didn't get the hint LOL. Yesterday he said, "I can't wait until you get a belly!" He's definitely a non-FA, but I'm pretty sure that pregnancy weight turns him on


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## succubus_dxb (Apr 18, 2009)

I've gotten the occasional "you carry yourself so well at your size"  I don't think that's particularly nice- How about "you carry yourself so well."?


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## GoldenDelicious (Apr 20, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I was at a wedding last weekend and my friend that i hadn't seen for a while said "you look georgous with that bit of extra weight on you". I totally took this as a compliment of course! I began to wonder if maby i took this as a compliment because i am an Fa and that other women might not have. You hear people trying to compliment people all the time by asking them if they have lost weight. Has anyone been complimented (by a non Fa) by anything to do with fat/weight/curves.
> hmm.. should this be on the 'weight board'? I'm not turned on..promise!


it depends on the person, their size and how they feel about it. Personally, if someone said to me, wow you look great, you've put on loads of weight. I would not be impressed. This is because I don't want to be bigger or look like I have gained weight. In the same breath I hate people saying, " you look great, have you lost weight" because they think I'll be flattered or pleased to hear that. If this happens when I haven't lost weight or even put weight on then I know the other person is saying that because they think I'll be pleased and they probably don't think I look any different. I have a friend who does this and it drives me mental. Why not just say you look great and let size be irrelevant?

By the way Mer, your pal thought you looked great because you looked great, he saw the weight as a positive thing because you were wearing a dress and looked very feminine and you were showing cleavage. You were dressed up for a wedding and looked lovely, some people think when you lose weight you look ill. Not you personally, people in general. However you had lost weight when you were ill and so he probs associated the two, you were fuller figured and looked healthy and glowing. Gorgeous woman that you are xx


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## AnnMarie (Apr 20, 2009)

Definitely dependent on who's saying it and their overall tone/intention. 


Although I don't see why it's any different than the millions who feel fine offering up the "you look great, you've lost weight!" which is said to me a lot and I find it completely annoying and obnoxious. It's like a roving assumption that that is something I'd want to hear as if I'm some societal teet-sucker who is just dying for that type of validation. 

I realize they can't help but think I'd drink from that fountain - but I don't, and being lumped in with those who do drives me up a wall. Especially when any loss I've had is due to health-necessitated diet changes, or not really any loss at all. It's like the "throw the fat girl a bone" line that people pull out. 

Blegh.


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## thatgirl08 (Apr 20, 2009)

I've never had a non-FA comment on a gain as a positive thing, but I have had a small number of people tell me I look attractive at a certain size. Generally, this was when I was more in the 220-250 range though as opposed to the 330 I'm at now.


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## shellbelle (Apr 22, 2009)

This really only happened to me once... My older brother is completely obsessed with his body and his body image. He's had lipo a few times, and goes to the gym every siiiingle day. He's really fat phobic (to both people and any fat on his own body). 

Anyway, I only get to see him a few times a year, and once in between visits, I put on probably 40 lbs. Much to my surprise, he told me I actually looked better. That the weight "filled me out" and that I looked "more proportional." Now, this probably sounds strange to people who don't know my brother and possibly not like a compliment at all, but it was. And I was shocked.


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## swamptoad (Apr 24, 2009)

Josalynn complimented my looks a while back. Says I look more handsome with a fuller face than when we had first met. This has been a while, though. I compliment her looks all the time whether she takes them or not. :doh::blush: :wubu:


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## frankman (Apr 24, 2009)

succubus_dxb said:


> I've gotten the occasional "you carry yourself so well at your size"  I don't think that's particularly nice- How about "you carry yourself so well."?



Ouch, that's a bit of a consolation prize, isn't it?

I never comment on people's weight. I must admit don't really notice it either. (That is: I do know when people are like really big, but there's a whole section in the middle, average sized if you will, where other people will say "she's quite large" and I'd be like "Yeah? I don't see it.")

but the reason I don't, is that you never know how people feel about their weight/size, plus if you're going to give a compliment, why make it so specific? If you like the way someone looks with a bit of weight on, why not say "you look great" instead of "you look great now you're bigger"?

My friend's mother gets really awkward around bigger people, but tries very hard not to bring the issue up, so I (25 year old hairy guy) have gotten compliments on my _face and skin_ from her. She did the same thing with my girlfriend, who's a bit sensitive about her weight and of course saw straight through the veiled comment, but when I explained she said the same thing to me, she could see the humor in it.


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## BarbBBW (Apr 24, 2009)

succubus_dxb said:


> I've gotten the occasional "you carry yourself so well at your size"  I don't think that's particularly nice- How about "you carry yourself so well."?



AGreed my friend,... ""you weigh how much? wow u must carry it well"" :doh:

Umm yeah


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## KHayes666 (Apr 24, 2009)

I say fat related stuff as a compliment all the time, its only the truth. If they're hot, they're hot.


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## katherine22 (Apr 25, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I was at a wedding last weekend and my friend that i hadn't seen for a while said "you look georgous with that bit of extra weight on you". I totally took this as a compliment of course! I began to wonder if maby i took this as a compliment because i am an Fa and that other women might not have. You hear people trying to compliment people all the time by asking them if they have lost weight. Has anyone been complimented (by a non Fa) by anything to do with fat/weight/curves.
> hmm.. should this be on the 'weight board'? I'm not turned on..promise!



No matter what anyone says to you, take it as a compliment.


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## mergirl (Apr 27, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> No matter what anyone says to you, take it as a compliment.


hmm great advice!


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## 1love_emily (Dec 12, 2010)

Cors said:


> I almost always get complimented on weight gain by non-FAs, though I don't like ANY weight-related comment at all. I am underweight though, if that makes a difference.



I think being complemented as fat can be taken two different ways.

If it's not an FA complementing you for being fat, then I would take it as an insult. I would think they were making fun of me, and I'd be really upset.

But if that person is a proclaimed FA, then I think it would be great.

I think the best way to even utilize this complement has to be said: I think it's only acceptable if you are an FA or FFA praising your own (like bf/gf) BBW or BHM.


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## KHayes666 (Dec 13, 2010)

1love_emily said:


> I think being complemented as fat can be taken two different ways.
> 
> If it's not an FA complementing you for being fat, then I would take it as an insult. I would think they were making fun of me, and I'd be really upset.
> 
> ...



That's not really a good way to judge someone though.

If it wasn't for me being on Dims you'd have no idea I was an F/A if you saw me on the street. With that said, if I came up to you on the street and said you were a gorgeous bbw....you're saying you'd take it as an insult? My point is, maybe non-proclaimed guys ARE f/a's that you just need to give a chance to.

Then again, I will say some verbage that's used shouldn't be used when first introducing yourself so I can see why you'd be offended in some cases. I've been to enough dances to see just how tactless some f/a's are.


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## Adrian (Jan 1, 2011)

I have complimented many BBWs and SSBBWs that they look better then the last time I saw them. Or, something that infers that I recognized they have gained weight -are larger and, that I find them more attractive.
Then again, it doesn't take long for any woman who knows me to figure out I love BBWs!


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## AmazingAmy (Jan 2, 2011)

As someone else has already mentioned, how I take it depends on whether the complimenter is an FA or not (or a fellow fatty). I can take compliments about size and fatness from FAs and other fat people because, to me, they just understand it and _do _appreciate its asthetic value. But coming from someone in my ordinary life who isn't just feels like an insult. I've had the similiar veiled comments as some people here, about how that outfit really compliments (hides) my figure, my 'pretty face', my dress sense (knows she's fat and doesn't try to dress like a skinny), and how I carry myself (don't waddled _too _much). I shouldn't be mad at these people because I know they're trying to be nice about something they're deeply uncomfortable with, but I do feel like snapping 'don't talk about what you don't understand' sometimes. I know those are all generalisations and big judgements, but I just get so many back-handed compliments from well-wishers, however unintentional.

Nothing irks me more though than 'oh Amy don't be silly, you're not fat!' followed by a poorly hidden wince from them. Yes, I'm sure the lie was hard to tell, but at least she fell for it. :doh:


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## fatgirlflyin (Jan 2, 2011)

KHayes666 said:


> That's not really a good way to judge someone though.
> 
> If it wasn't for me being on Dims you'd have no idea I was an F/A if you saw me on the street. With that said, if I came up to you on the street and said you were a gorgeous bbw....you're saying you'd take it as an insult? My point is, maybe non-proclaimed guys ARE f/a's that you just need to give a chance to.
> 
> Then again, I will say some verbage that's used shouldn't be used when first introducing yourself so I can see why you'd be offended in some cases. I've been to enough dances to see just how tactless some f/a's are.




Why not just call her a gorgeous woman? Why the need to point out her size? If you were attracted to thin women (no idea if you are or not) would you walk up to her and tell her she was a gorgeous thin woman?

I think that's what lots of ladies take issue with, the fact that our size is pointed out to us so often. Between people who find fat women gross and men who feel the need to proclaim their love of fat, we never get to just be people. We're always that fat girl in one way, shape, or form. It gets tiring...


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## AuntHen (Jan 2, 2011)

fatgirlflyin said:


> Why not just call her a gorgeous woman? Why the need to point out her size? If you were attracted to thin women (no idea if you are or not) would you walk up to her and tell her she was a gorgeous thin woman?
> 
> I think that's what lots of ladies take issue with, the fact that our size is pointed out to us so often. Between people who find fat women gross and men who feel the need to proclaim their love of fat, we never get to just be people. We're always that fat girl in one way, shape, or form. It gets tiring...




very well said  repped!


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## bigjayne66 (Jan 4, 2011)

I would love to be complemented on my size and be told I look gorgeous,sadly,here in the UK it just doesn't seem to happen,it's all sniggers and insults when a 400 plus lb woman is waddling past


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## KHayes666 (Jan 4, 2011)

fatgirlflyin said:


> Why not just call her a gorgeous woman? Why the need to point out her size? If you were attracted to thin women (no idea if you are or not) would you walk up to her and tell her she was a gorgeous thin woman?
> 
> I think that's what lots of ladies take issue with, the fact that our size is pointed out to us so often. Between people who find fat women gross and men who feel the need to proclaim their love of fat, we never get to just be people. We're always that fat girl in one way, shape, or form. It gets tiring...



I am attracted to thin women. I've dated one as recent as 2 years ago and in fact, if I was single right now I'd have no problem asking her out. She's a better dating option than a lot of fat women I know and it has absolutely nothing to do with looks.

As it is, I'm in love with a really sweet, double gorgeous woman who's better than most everyone I've ever met. She has all the looks, all the personality, none of the drama. I call her every compliment I can think of and even make up words just to compliment her with. 

And yes, I call her a variety of size related names. She loves it because she knows I find her absolutely gorgeous. She told me herself she gets off on me getting off on her. If she (or anyone) had a problem with it, obviously I wouldn't say that kind of stuff.

Being called a supersized sexy goddess maybe something you don't want, but there are others who love it.


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## Mysti Mountains (Jan 4, 2011)

I generally don't notice the looks I get and the things people say, but after spending a day with an online friend, he asked me if I ALWAYS get that kind of attention...I had no clue what he was talking about...He told me to pay attention when I walked into the gas station to get gas...sure enough, at least three guys made appreciative comments...not directly to me, but definately about me...Of course I was dressed in something a little revealing that day...


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## fatgirlflyin (Jan 4, 2011)

You're in a relationship with her, that's different. There's all kinds of things someone in a relationship can call me that I don't want to hear coming out of a complete strangers mouth. I'll have to read the original post again because that's what I thought they were talking about. Compliments from people you aren't intimately involved with. 





KHayes666 said:


> I am attracted to thin women. I've dated one as recent as 2 years ago and in fact, if I was single right now I'd have no problem asking her out. She's a better dating option than a lot of fat women I know and it has absolutely nothing to do with looks.
> 
> As it is, I'm in love with a really sweet, double gorgeous woman who's better than most everyone I've ever met. She has all the looks, all the personality, none of the drama. I call her every compliment I can think of and even make up words just to compliment her with.
> 
> ...


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## KHayes666 (Jan 5, 2011)

fatgirlflyin said:


> You're in a relationship with her, that's different. There's all kinds of things someone in a relationship can call me that I don't want to hear coming out of a complete strangers mouth. I'll have to read the original post again because that's what I thought they were talking about. Compliments from people you aren't intimately involved with.



I must read it again myself because I thought it was referring to all situations including intimate lovers.

If its coming from total strangers, then I actually agree its best to keep the "fat talk" until they're comfortable with you and even then probably best to make sure that she'd be ok with it.


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## mossystate (Jan 5, 2011)

Adrian said:


> I have complimented many BBWs and SSBBWs that they look better then the last time I saw them.




So the other ugly side to that coin of telling someone they look better than they used to...wonderful.


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## Bananaspills (Jan 12, 2011)

I do think a lot of women would take it in a negative way, and even refuse to believe it wasn't meant as a negative! Which is sad... When I was in Uni I had a friend who was quite short and apple-shaped (not very big, but chubby-moving towards fat.) She was very insecure about her body, and I thought it was so sad, because I LOVED her body! (Let me point out that I'm completely straight... *LOL*) I just thought her shape suited her, that she had a great sense of style, and that she was lovely and tactile... I couldn't imagine her being thin! Sadly, I thought she was even weirded out when *I* complimented her on her looks.

I also think that it's a lot more likely to be taken as a negative if the comment is about weight gain rather than about existing size. I would be unhappy (although not offended I don't think,) if someone said "Oh you've gained weight and look nice," because I don't want to gain any more. 

And yes, I recently had a female friend tell me she thinks my face looks nicer now with the extra weight (we were looking at some old photoswhen I was quite a lot thinner.)


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## Emma (Jan 12, 2011)

I'm fine with being called fat as a compliment or a description. It is when there is negative emotion behind it that it upsets me a little.


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## penguin (Jan 12, 2011)

I don't think I could ever want to be called fat as a compliment.


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## Emma (Jan 12, 2011)

penguin said:


> I don't think I could ever want to be called fat as a compliment.



Without being rude can I ask why?

To me, if a guy likes my fat and is into it its nice to hear it.


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## Bananaspills (Jan 12, 2011)

I've been thinking about this thread and trying to understand why the word "fat" doesn't bother me that much (even if I have self esteem issues.) I finally figured it out :doh:

My 5 year old daughter calls me "Fat" quite often... I've really tried avoiding giving her a negative image about fat and never told her not to call people fat as it's impolite or whatever... We tell her people come in all different sizes (at most I've told her that being fat makes it more difficult for me to do some things.)
Anyway, she constantly says things like "Mummy you're nice and fat and cuddly!" "You're fat and cosy" etc, so in my mind the word has taken almost a positive spin! :happy:

My 3,5 year old son takes it a step further... He uses my butt as a trampoline. He'll run into me from behind, bounce off and have a great time doing it... Apparently "he likes my squishy bum-bum." (FA in training *LOL*)


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## LalaCity (Jan 12, 2011)

A very nice Vietnamese woman used to come in regularly to where I worked. One day she smiled at me and said, "You are so pretty. So Plump!"

That made my life.


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## CastingPearls (Jan 12, 2011)

When I was a little girl I was having fun in a playground and they had those big metal teeter-totters back then but I couldn't play on them unless two kids or an adult were on the other side. One day I was sitting on one end and contemplating my predicament when an African man came over with his kid and said, OH MY you are SO FAT, and I got really upset as if it was a bad thing but to him it wasn't! He thought I was amazing and he (average size) and his little one got on the other end and started playing with me. He told me that in his country I would be worth many many cows and while I laugh now (and often recount the story) then, it was the first time I had an inkling that it wasn't a bad thing and he was not only honest, but admired it and it was sweet.


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## Bananaspills (Jan 12, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> When I was a little girl I was having fun in a playground and they had those big metal teeter-totters back then but I couldn't play on them unless two kids or an adult were on the other side. One day I was sitting on one end and contemplating my predicament when an African man came over with his kid and said, OH MY you are SO FAT, and I got really upset as if it was a bad thing but to him it wasn't! He thought I was amazing and he (average size) and his little one got on the other end and started playing with me. He told me that in his country I would be worth many many cows and while I laugh now (and often recount the story) then, it was the first time I had an inkling that it wasn't a bad thing and he was not only honest, but admired it and it was sweet.



Aww, I love that story!


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## penguin (Jan 12, 2011)

CurvyEm said:


> Without being rude can I ask why?
> 
> To me, if a guy likes my fat and is into it its nice to hear it.



I guess it's still a negative description to me. I'd rather hear they like my body in other terms.


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## blueeyedevie (Jan 12, 2011)

> girls i've dated/been with in the past have received my compliments for being fat. i.e. "i love the feel of your fat" or "you are fat and lovely," etc.
> the girls i have been with have grown to get used to, and even like hearing these things



I was scanning the main topics and I saw this topic. Having read through, the above stands out to me the most. 

OK, in my life time I have been told your so beautiful to be so fat; to Your so pretty its sad your so fat. Then there is the; Your looking so much better since your loosing weight, ( RECENTLY) hope to see less of you soon!! All these comments bother me, but lately it is the comments like the quote that bother me the most. Is it common for FA's to start out in a relationship treating there spouse like there human and then later on when the relationship is established start treating them like a big piece of fat meat? I miss being kissed passionately with out tummy grabs, I miss being looked at in the eyes, I miss being told I am lovely with out the fat added. I know he loves my fat, and thinks I am a total package but I need to be seen , not just my fat. DOES anyone else understand this?


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## Tania (Jan 12, 2011)

blueeyedevie said:


> I miss being told I am lovely with out the fat added. I know he loves my fat, and thinks I am a total package but I need to be seen , not just my fat. DOES anyone else understand this?



I think I get you. I hate it when a guy - even someone with whom you're deeply involved - gets in the habit of reaching straight for his personal equivalent to The Naked Crotch (tm) when you're getting close, whether it's literally or figuratively. It's a little objectifying when it's figurative, and when it's literal, it can be violative. My big pet peeve is a guy zeroing in on my nipples all the time - drives me batshit. I *do* have other erogenous zones, I'm not your mom, you're not two months old, and holy crap! - sometimes I just like to cuddle without a boner all up in my metaphorical grill. 

As for the fat compliment in general, I think it's all about context. "Fat" is such a socially and sexually loaded term that I realllly don't think anyone should use it unless the parties involved understand eachother. I mean, it's well understood that "You have big boobs!" is generally considered to be a compliment when coming from a guy, but if you're saying it to someone you don't know it's also considered to be pretty damn inappropriate. And big boobs don't come with the additional social stigma that fat does. At least, not in the same way. 

When "fat" is used as a compliment, I think it's in good taste to prove that you've put care and thought into your observations. I.e., "OMG SO FAT!" doesn't demonstrate much personal investment, but a diverse littany of compliments including fat shows that your friend/sigother is paying attention to more than one dimension of you. It also shows that they respect you and your feelings enough to avoid sliding into bad habits, as innocent as they may be.


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## penguin (Jan 12, 2011)

blueeyedevie said:


> I know he loves my fat, and thinks I am a total package but I need to be seen , not just my fat. DOES anyone else understand this?



Absolutely. I want someone to want to be with me for _me_, not because I'm a fetish fix.


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## bonified (Jan 13, 2011)

Feelings of objectification piss me off. I also am a total package, mind body and soul. 

To me what I have a problem with, is, wondering how someone of sound mind, would actively pursue someone that is obviously unhealthy. I know it's extremely insulting to those that have preferences for whatever, and I do apologise. But it is the war within me, reason vs dick action lol 

I have recently met a very intruiging man, extremely clever, freak clever actually, talented, creative, well travelled and dirty - with a smoking fetish. I like him, but doubt I am anything 'cept a smoking potenial cum vessel to him. Weird, the world is fucking weird is all.


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## Tau (Jan 13, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> When I was a little girl I was having fun in a playground and they had those big metal teeter-totters back then but I couldn't play on them unless two kids or an adult were on the other side. One day I was sitting on one end and contemplating my predicament when an African man came over with his kid and said, OH MY you are SO FAT, and I got really upset as if it was a bad thing but to him it wasn't! He thought I was amazing and he (average size) and his little one got on the other end and started playing with me. He told me that in his country I would be worth many many cows and while I laugh now (and often recount the story) then, it was the first time I had an inkling that it wasn't a bad thing and he was not only honest, but admired it and it was sweet.



Ag so sweet man! You would certainly be worth many cows!!  One of my uncles told me at a family gathering the other day that my dad would have to ask over 100 head of cows for my lobola (dowry). I laughed for days. It's still kind of sweetly weird how older people think about many things that are now considered ugly and looked on with scorn.


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## blueeyedevie (Jan 13, 2011)

Thanks ya'll glad someone gets me. I wish he would.


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## KittyKitten (Feb 17, 2011)

My boyfriends have complimented me on my big legs, "love them sexy thick thighs, girl". I also get complimented on my hips (I don't think I even have much hips). I get complimented alot on my body by men. It seems men have a greater appreciation for curves than women. Women tend to be so critical of each other. I don't really deal with too many women because they are so judgemental of their bodies. I hate it.

But to be called outright fat as in fat girl? I never found that used as a compliment. I don't find the word 'fat' sexy at all. I like the word voluptuous or curvy.


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## JulieD (Feb 18, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> When I was a little girl I was having fun in a playground and they had those big metal teeter-totters back then but I couldn't play on them unless two kids or an adult were on the other side. One day I was sitting on one end and contemplating my predicament when an African man came over with his kid and said, OH MY you are SO FAT, and I got really upset as if it was a bad thing but to him it wasn't! He thought I was amazing and he (average size) and his little one got on the other end and started playing with me. He told me that in his country I would be worth many many cows and while I laugh now (and often recount the story) then, it was the first time I had an inkling that it wasn't a bad thing and he was not only honest, but admired it and it was sweet.



My best friends husband lives in Jamaica (she is on her way to visit him as we speak) and one visit she was showing her in-laws pictures of her friends and family. Well, her husbands one uncle, a rastafarian, saw a picture of me and wanted to trade her 3 goats and 5 acres of beach property if she would bring me to marry him. I'm still debating on it, lol.
As far as fat being a compliment, I think from the right person, in the right setting, it is. I don't mind it when I'm being intimate with someone and they call me "sexy fat" or whatever. But if it was a constant oh baby, you're so fat...I would get sick of it. Guys are so visual, and just want to be reassuring that they really do like your body, they don't realize that they are over complimenting you...the same thing could be with a very pretty person...or whatever. If you are over complimented on the same thing all the time, it gets old. I think if you tell him that you love the fact that he loves you and your body, but he makes you feel a little uncomfortable when he constantly compliments your fat, he will understand. Guys don't want to be the reason we feel awkward, they want to make us comfortable and appreciated. Well, that's what I think anywayz...


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## tuffghost (Mar 13, 2011)

I would consider that a compliment  

I've only really ever been complimented on weight loss (weight loss being entirely unintentional), but it would be nice to hear a compliment directed more towards my curves, as I do take pride it them!


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 13, 2011)

I don't so much mind the term fat lol as I mind the reaction of those around me...for example, if a guy turns to me and says "damn baby you fat!" :eat2:I can take it and respond with anything I want to...whether I say "yup, all the more for that lucky S.O.B. to take and ride with" :wubur "oh really, cause I thought when I got undressed I was a size 2?!?" :doh: depending on how it was uttered...BUT it is the look on the faces of those around me like "oh no he didn't"  like being called fat is the same as finding out your man just banged your mom; unacceptable. I don't mind being called fat, :happy: cause I am fat lol but I am also pretty, funny, smart as hell, clever, sexy ect and I just hope those words and not just fat are used to describe me....though during frisky times I do love it when he tells me my fat is sexy to him since that was the one part of me I was told was always gross and to know it is turn on for him makes me comfortable enough to really get into it and enjoy!!:blush:


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