# Is he really into big girls?



## PunkyGurly74 (Jan 29, 2011)

Just a hypothetical thought here. 

Say you meet someone online. You talk and he says yes, I have no problem with big girls. Love big girls..no, I am not a closeted FA...etc. Basically, you catch the drift. At one point you exchange Facebook pages...etc..or possibly add..or just at least look.

You notice out of 200 people on his friends list there is not one big girl...70% of his friends are all very cute thin girls. Now, you have to give some leeway because it is Facebook. We friend people we don't know sometimes.

However, this is where you start noticing the disconnect. Or perhaps no Facebook..you just talk and over time you talk about past relationships and he admits he has never dated anyone over a size .8.

Look, I know what my life and experience has taught me..that if there is a disconnect between what someone says and someone does - pass. That is just life period. And i know for me these guys are the ones where I am good enough for clandestine meetings for sex. But, they wouldn't dare be seen in public with me.


So, ignore my experiences...what do you think/feel/opinions...maybe I am wrong...(I am sometimes a determinist)...just something I am thinking this morning...


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## CarlaSixx (Jan 29, 2011)

I know what you mean. I've recently had that happen. And when I called him out on it, he acted like I didn't know what I was talking about, and then put me on Limited Profile settings. So I can't post any comments to his stuff or see things posted by other people. 

He's said he has no problem with big girls, and that he likes them and isn't ashamed to admit it, but I see the girls he's dated, and saw his list of "friends" and it doesn't add up. 

I also called him out on seeing that he was apparently dating a girl. She kept posting love notes on his profile and he'd always reply back with some cheesy-ass line. But now that I called him out on it, he's denied it and blocked me from seeing comments posted by others. Lovely.

---


With all that said, I think he's really just looking to get whatever he can get. Some dudes will take the time to romance you and seduce you just to get that one hop in the sack and never speak to you again. Happens all the time, and it confuses the Hell out of women, though it's pretty obvious what the guy did.

It's all about seduction. I don't think he's actually into big girls, just into having a hole to bury his bone.


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## bigmac (Jan 29, 2011)

PunkyGurly74 said:


> Just a hypothetical thought here.
> 
> Say you meet someone online. You talk and he says yes, I have no problem with big girls. Love big girls..no, I am not a closeted FA...etc. Basically, you catch the drift. At one point you exchange Facebook pages...etc..or possibly add..or just at least look.
> 
> ...



Its not uncommon for young FAs to keep their preferences as hidden as possible by dating fat girls on the down low. I'm thinking most grow out of it -- I know I did.

Another tactic used by semi-out FAs is to date BBWs who are small enough not to attract that much attention. My first live-in girlfriend was only 185 pounds when we met at the end of our freshman year of college so I guess I played that card too. I out grew this as well.

I have always wondered about how many closeted FAs there are out there. I've often caught guys (many in the company of a thin girl) staring at my super-size wife with lustful eyes.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 29, 2011)

I think there are a lot of reasons a guy might have dated only thin girls in the past, and mostly I care about how he treats me and how he interacts with me at this point in his life. I do agree that I may ask questions about it, or have my guard up a bit more with a guy that has never dated a fat woman, but it's certainly not a dealbreaker for me.


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## PunkyGurly74 (Jan 29, 2011)

CarlaSixx said:


> It's all about seduction. I don't think he's actually into big girls, just into having a hole to bury his bone.



LOL I feel like that most of the time too ...not saying it is right..or that I haven't "got mine"...just my experience.



bigmac said:


> Its not unco mmon for young FAs to keep their preferences as hidden as possible by dating fat girls on t the down low. I'm thinking most grow out of it -- I know I did.
> 
> Another tactic used by semi-out FAs is to date BBWs who are small enough not to attract that much attention. My first live-in girlfriend was only 185 pounds when we met at the end of our freshman year of college so I guess I played that card too. I out grew this as well.
> 
> I have always wondered about how many closeted FAs there are out there. I've often caught guys (many in the company of a thin girl) staring at my super-size wife with lustful eyes.


 
I completely understand what you are saying ...and I laughed out loud at the last comment about your wife - that is awesome. 

I have a theory...I could be completely wrong...but in my life..I have been physically and verbally accosted in public settings by men i believe, due to my appearance. I am very tall and my weight has ranged from 280-400. I think in a couple of the cases they were so over the top..I think some of them were closeted FA's and didn't want to admit it? Meaning, no one else who was with me, or who intervened on my behalf could figure out what provoked it. I'm a delightful person - really lol. One was just a hateful douche.

See, the thing is I am 36...so, I am not looking to date a spring chicken per se..but, hey I wouldn't kick them out of bed for eating crackers..... I just expect them by around 40 to know what they want..but, hell, I still don't know what i want to be when I grow up 



I just thought might be an interesting topic...thank you for your input


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## CastingPearls (Jan 29, 2011)

My random thoughts.....

I have no patience for a man who hides his attraction for fat women....I leave them to less secure women. There are wayyyy too many fish in the sea and life is too short to school anyone in 'the way it should be'. 

You're lucky if you get my attention. Luckier if you keep it. You win the lottery if I feel something for you. If you think you're doing me a favor or that I'm agreeable to being on the downlow because you're not comfortable with it....I'm not that woman....you're not worth it to me...sorry. 

Anyone that puts you on limited access on Facebook or anywhere isn't worth it, IMO. Why does anyone waste so much time and attention on someone who has such little regard for them?

If you think I'm arrogant it's because I know I'm worth a helluva lot more than you do.


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## PeanutButterfly (Jan 29, 2011)

mcbeth said:


> I think there are a lot of reasons a guy might have dated only thin girls in the past, and mostly I care about how he treats me and how he interacts with me at this point in his life. I do agree that I may ask questions about it, or have my guard up a bit more with a guy that has never dated a fat woman, but it's certainly not a dealbreaker for me.



This is an excellent point. The way a guy treats you should matter the most. If a guy is shady and blocking you from his posts... welll I wouldn't tolerate that.

I think it also depends on the age of the guy in question. For example, I'm the first big girl my boyfriend has ever dated. It's not because he was closeted before but because he never found a fat chick before me that he was compatible with. 

Similarly, I'm an FFA and I've *never* dated a fat guy (my current guy has a cute chubby belly but he wouldn't be considered fat). Not because I wouldn't date a BHM but simply because I never found a guy who was 300+ and had the personality I'm attracted to. 

We're both 19. If a guy is under 25 I wouldn't write him off just because I was his first BBW. It's rare to find someone you can love, even rarer that said person happens to be your physical ideal.

Now if the guy's 40... well... I'd wonder too.


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## WVMountainrear (Jan 29, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> My random thoughts.....
> 
> I have no patience for a man who hides his attraction for fat women....I leave them to less secure women. There are wayyyy too many fish in the sea and life is too short to school anyone in 'the way it should be'.
> 
> ...



I <3 you. :bow:


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## Blockierer (Jan 30, 2011)

bigmac said:


> Its not uncommon for young FAs to keep their preferences as hidden as possible by dating fat girls on the down low. I'm thinking most grow out of it -- I know I did.


Most guys have to learn how to present their fatty to their family, friends ....



bigmac said:


> Another tactic used by semi-out FAs is to date BBWs who are small enough not to attract that much attention. My first live-in girlfriend was only 185 pounds when we met at the end of our freshman year of college so I guess I played that card too. I out grew this as well.


Besides, really big girls that true FAs are into are hard to catch.



bigmac said:


> I have always wondered about how many closeted FAs there are out there.


I guess the percentage of male FAs is about 4%.



bigmac said:


> I've often caught guys (many in the company of a thin girl) staring at my super-size wife with lustful eyes.


That's my experience too. I like those attractions.

*So, give FAs a chance.*


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## PunkyGurly74 (Jan 30, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> My random thoughts.....
> 
> I have no patience for a man who hides his attraction for fat women....I leave them to less secure women. There are wayyyy too many fish in the sea and life is too short to school anyone in 'the way it should be'.
> 
> ...



Get out of my head...lol Great post


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## PunkyGurly74 (Jan 30, 2011)

Blockierer said:


> Besides, really big girls that true FAs are into are hard to catch.



We are??? I mean I got some ninja skills..but running really fast is not one of them...hehehehe

[/QUOTE]
*So, give FAs a chance.*[/QUOTE]

I honestly have never dated a true FA - just a random thought after reading your post.


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## bigmac (Jan 30, 2011)

Blockierer said:


> Besides, really big girls that true FAs are into are hard to catch.



_Warning this post is based on 25 year old data._


Its not that they run away its that:

1) They shy away from social events. I went to a very large public university (35k students) -- I saw pretty fat girls on campus all the time (even though they were under represented). But at social events or at the local watering holes in the evening and on weekends -- very few.

2) Fat girls can be hard to flirt with. Many have internalized the idea that they are not attractive so when a guy talks to them they don't think that maybe its because he thinks she's pretty. Example 1, there was a cute super-super-sized girl one of my sociology classes. Several times I purposefully ran into her outside of class, said hi and even talked about the class a few times but was never able to bring the conversation around to "what're you doing Friday" (I really sucked at propositioning girls so if they didn't jump in and help it never worked). Example 2, there was a very pretty just barely supersize girl who took the same bus I did. She had beautiful long blonde hair and perfect peaches and cream skin. But she always wore a baggy full length wool coat (even on relatively warm days) -- never saw her without it. At the bus stop she would always just read her book never making eye contact with anyone. I really wanted to flirt with her but never figured out a way to get her attention.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 30, 2011)

Blockierer said:


> I guess the percentage of male FAs is about 4%.



That seems ridiculously low to me. Maybe 4% of guys literally cannot even muster up the ability to have sex with a thin girl...but I'd say a much higher percentage than that has some attraction for fat women.


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## thatgirl08 (Jan 30, 2011)

I don't think you can necessarily determine whether someone is truly into fat girls or not based on their Facebook friend list or based on people they've dated in the past. If someone says their specifically an FA my guess is they're telling the truth .. it's not exactly the trendy thing to say you like fat girls, so I doubt they'd lie. However, it's definitely possible that they've only dated thin girls because they're still in the closet. 

I've been with three FAs, two of whom were closeted. One had only dated thin girls, and one had dated a girl for like 3 years who was chubby but not really a BBW. The non-closeted one became my boyfriend. He had only dated one girl before me and she was thin. He is now dating a girl who is a little chubby but not a BBW. He had me meet his family and friends (99.9% of whom were thin) without hesitation, and I am positive he was genuine about being an FA. 

My current boyfriend isn't an FA.. I think he'd best be described as bisizual. Although I'm definitely the biggest girl he's been with I don't question his attraction to me. I know he has been with big girls in the past and that some things are more important physically to him and that above all, personality and compatibility is most important to him. At first I was nervous that I was the biggest, and I thought maybe he wasn't being genuine about being attracted to me but I no longer believe that.. especially since he girlfriended me and is officially bringing me home to mama (tonight.. for dinner.. for the first time!) He was never even remotely "closeted" about his attraction to me.. we went on lots of public dates, I met some of his friends (and I already knew some of his other friends and he didn't hesitate to let them know we were now dating), and like I said he asked me to come meet his parents today.

So, I don't think it's entirely possible to determine from someone's dating history/friend composition if they are or are not an FA or are or are not in the closet. Honestly, the best way to tell is by the things they say and more importantly, their actions. If he cancels on you or changes plans a lot, if he doesn't want to be seen in public with you, if he doesn't want you to meet important people in his life, if he never makes it official, etc. then run.

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EDIT: Just read through some of the other posts and wanted to comment. I think that 4% is ridiculously low too. I guess it depends on your definition of FA and on your definition of BBW. I generally define FA as being someone who is only or mostly attracted to fat women. I've talked to probably two dozen guys who live in Rochester alone that identify as FAs.. meaning, they actually found Dims or similar sites and now have the terminology. I've met a few guys on Craigslist, and I occasionally get hit on in real life by guys who are clearly into BBWs. I also know two BBWs in real life who have told me that they're husband/boyfriend "likes them chubby." I see guys dating girls who are chubby or small BBWs all the time. I know girls who are 180-220 who get hit on ALL the time. My best friend is one.. she's about 200 pounds, and in the last month she has literally been asked out by about 10 guys. 

Also, over last summer her & I started hanging out with this guy she was interested in and his friends and we noticed that in this particular group the guys seemed significantly more open to dating smallish BBWs. We met lots of the girls that these guys were dating or had dated and lots of them were chubby. A few were even in the 250 range. I never really tried to pursue any of them, but I did occasionally get flirted with. And even when I didn't, I was always viewed by them as an attractive, pursuable person. It's hard to explain.. they didn't necessarily say this to me but they never questioned why someone would date me or why someone would want to sleep with me. They never questioned it when I talked about exs or about current love interests.. they treated me like they treated every other woman. I think part of it was simply how nice they are, but I also think part of it was that, to an extent, they could understand why someone would be interested in me. I think I was a little too big for some of them, or at least not what they would normally be interested in, but still it wasn't hard in their mind to connect me to being a wanted, attractive woman.. if that makes sense. A few even told us that they weren't really into thin girls. My guess is that because of the atmosphere of their friend group (literally the nicest, most accepting people I've ever met in my life) that they felt significantly more comfortable pursuing girls that didn't have the most socially acceptable body type. Even their friends who were only into thin girls didn't question them dating bigger ones.

I started talking to my current boyfriend online but on our first date we realized that he was friends with this group of people too, he had gone to their high school and had spent quite a bit of time with them (side note - he's fairly sure he actually met me at one of their parties over the summer but we're not positive!) 

I would say that almost all of these guys would qualify as bisizuals and that some may even qualify as FAs. I think that if more guys were this open and chill with each other we'd see a lot more guys dating big girls and if that were the case, I think that percentage would be way higher, and if bisizuals were included I think it'd be safe to say that 30% of guys would qualify. Maybe even more.


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## PunkyGurly74 (Jan 30, 2011)

bigmac said:


> _Warning this post is based on 25 year old data._
> 
> 
> Its not that they run away its that:
> ...




Actually, I will give you those points...and raise you...
I have had several conversations with guys and I think at first maybe..just maybe..I give it a few minutes and then it goes no where..it turns out they are married or dating or just passing time standing in line. I have never been asked for my number or asked to go out from someone I have met in public. Again, good enough for a one night stand..not good enough to be seen with in public. :: shrugs:: Like last year, i get an e-mail from someone who I had a booty call relationship with..he e-mailed me to say..(I hadn't heard from him in a year) that he was getting married (he never wanted to be seen with me in public) to a nice, thin (socially acceptable girl), but would i send him naughty naked pics because he just found me sooo sexy....ugh. 

And yes, speaking for myself only...I do believe some bigger girls are harder to reach...society has told us repeatedly that we are not worthy of attention, that we are abnormal, not sexually desirably. Personally, I have been physically attacked by men in public settings because of my height and size, I am the girl with the hot girlfriend that guys chat up like i am "one of the guys" so they can get to my friend. I have never been enough for anyone to be truly interested and I can't help they would see how great I was if only I was a size 12. But, they can't see pass my size.  

All that being said if someone talks to me..i will respond...but I can be very reserved...I just wait and see.


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## PunkyGurly74 (Jan 30, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> I don't think you can necessarily determine whether someone is truly into fat girls or not based on their Facebook friend list or based on people they've dated in the past. If someone says their specifically an FA my guess is they're telling the truth .. it's not exactly the trendy thing to say you like fat girls, so I doubt they'd lie. However, it's definitely possible that they've only dated thin girls because they're still in the closet.
> 
> I've been with three FAs, two of whom were closeted. One had only dated thin girls, and one had dated a girl for like 3 years who was chubby but not really a BBW. The non-closeted one became my boyfriend. He had only dated one girl before me and she was thin. He is now dating a girl who is a little chubby but not a BBW. He had me meet his family and friends (99.9% of whom were thin) without hesitation, and I am positive he was genuine about being an FA.
> 
> ...


 

I should have clarified. Hell, I can't even meet anyone...I'm a freakin' leper. lol I was just curious what people thought about when talking with someone online. Meeting someone is much different..body language, chemistry, eye contact speaks volumes. Online you only have words.

It sounds like you have met someone who is wonderful - yay!! 

Actions are very, very important. They speak much louder than words. I was just curious if people ignored that early disconnect between action and words and continued...and it really could be about anything.

I'm not a snap judgment person..it was just a thought I had when I saw something...just popped into my head....


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## thatgirl08 (Jan 30, 2011)

PunkyGurly74 said:


> I should have clarified. Hell, I can't even meet anyone...I'm a freakin' leper. lol I was just curious what people thought about when talking with someone online. Meeting someone is much different..body language, chemistry, eye contact speaks volumes. Online you only have words.
> 
> It sounds like you have met someone who is wonderful - yay!!
> 
> ...



Okay, I see what you're saying. I agree that is a lot more difficult to tell online. I think the best way to tell online is to try to push them to meet.. if they're nervous or make lots of excuses, etc. they are probably not being genuine with you. Also, if they disappear for long periods of time with no reason or are only talking to you online late at night or when they're at work or something, it's probably safe to say they have a girlfriend. I do think it's a good sign that he added you to his FB list when he has his actual friends on there.. trying to hide his profile would be a pretty bad sign, IMO.


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## PunkyGurly74 (Jan 30, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> Okay, I see what you're saying. I agree that is a lot more difficult to tell online. I think the best way to tell online is to try to push them to meet.. if they're nervous or make lots of excuses, etc. they are probably not being genuine with you. Also, if they disappear for long periods of time with no reason or are only talking to you online late at night or when they're at work or something, it's probably safe to say they have a girlfriend. I do think it's a good sign that he added you to his FB list when he has his actual friends on there.. trying to hide his profile would be a pretty bad sign, IMO.



Sadly, I have been online a long time...you are exactly correct.


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## olwen (Jan 30, 2011)

I don't think you can tell if a guy is an FA from his facebook pics either. Consider the opposite, the guy who had nothing but pics of fat chicks or female friends who are all fat. Said guy could be a "fattie collector" Does it mean he likes fat chicks? Sure. Does it mean he's out? Who knows. It could be an alternate account that his other friends and family aren't aware of. 

Then too, having a few fat female friends doesn't mean he's an FA either. They could be relatives or just platonic friends. The only way to know if a guy is comfortable with his sexuality is to get to know him see how he treats you. I personally wouldn't want to date a guy who's never been with a fat woman. At this point in my life I'm not interested in teaching anyone how to be with me. It's just a comfort level thing.


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## Jes (Jan 30, 2011)

mcbeth said:


> I think there are a lot of reasons a guy might have dated only thin girls in the past, and mostly I care about how he treats me and how he interacts with me at this point in his life. I do agree that I may ask questions about it, or have my guard up a bit more with a guy that has never dated a fat woman, but it's certainly not a dealbreaker for me.



Agreed. It could well be that the OP's feelings are right, but then, they may not be, and maybe it's worth finding out? At least you know what to avoid, so hopefully nothing will be 'sprung' or you (in the sense that it won't be a giant surprise if it turns out your gut is right) but who knows? Maybe he's honest about everything he says--both his past experience and his interest in dating any woman he really likes.

I guess this situation (trying to put 2 separate people together) is different when it's about us, and our physical selves. If you were Jewish and he were Christian, if he had kids, and you didn't want to be with someone who had kids, or any of those sorts of things, we might not take it personally. It might just be: oh, bummer. Probably won't work out, but it was nice talking to you. But when it's about us, and what we look like, then I feel like maybe more vulnerability comes into the picture? And certainly, we've probably all had the experience where we've been treated poorly by someone because of our looks. Though, I don't think fat women have the market cornered on that.

I don't have a tremendous amount of experience but I do know that I've had a FWB who is married (open marriage) to a smart, funny, cool 'biker books with a mini skirt' thin woman. And then there's me. And he's never been shy about showing interest in me in public, he's told some people that we work with that he thinks I'm really hot and cool, etc. I doubt he's ever heard the term 'FA' in his life, and personally, I prefer that. So, while that's not quite the situation you're in, I still think it's very possible that this would be worth pursuing, at least a bit, for you. I mean, I know a lot of couples who overcame some major 'wait, is this even gonna work out for 5 minutes?' and lived to tell the tale! If it turns out to be nothing, you'll realize it and you'll move on.


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## Seda (Jan 31, 2011)

I don't think I've ever been with a man who specifically stated they were only attracted to big women. I think I would be just as put off by a man who said he only liked skinny woman as I would by a man who said he only liked BBWs.
Sure, a specific feature of whatever but never 'must weigh over 250lbs'.

Maybe I'm strange? The only person I've been with who didn't want to be seen with me in public was someone with a girlfriend.


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## KittyKitten (Feb 3, 2011)

Blockierer said:


> I guess the percentage of male FAs is about 4%.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> I don't think it is even that low. I think it is much higher than that.


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## HottiMegan (Feb 3, 2011)

My husband is not an FA. He loves women. He can see beauty in all shapes and sizes. I think i'm the only fatty he's been with romantically. (he has a limited dating history though) I am probably the only fat woman that is friends with him on facebook. He has over 100 friends thanks to those stupid games that you need like a hundred friends playing to advance. So quite a few of his friends he doesn't even know. I think the only way to see real intentions is to get to know someone. I started my relationship with hubby online but we really cemented our relationship in person. I hope your person is genuine.


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## LalaCity (Feb 3, 2011)

I tend to think this guy is not an FA, by definition, just a guy who is willing to be open-minded about dating a variety of sizes.

The question is really for you: would you be willing to date a man that finds slender women attractive? Would you be comfortable with that fact, or would it undermine your confidence and cause you to silently compare yourself to slim women and wonder if that's what he _really_ wants?

For some BBWs, that feeling of uncertainty as to his "true" preference (even if he doesn't actually have just one preference) is too much to take on board. 

Other BBWs don't have a problem with it.

It's a question I really think you have to seriously ask yourself before you become involved with a man who's not, strictly speaking, an FA. Otherwise, both of you could suffer from the potential problems such a situation might engender.


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## PunkyGurly74 (Feb 4, 2011)

LalaCity said:


> I tend to think this guy is not an FA, by definition, just a guy who is willing to be open-minded about dating a variety of sizes.
> 
> The question is really for you: would you be willing to date a man that finds slender women attractive? Would you be comfortable with that fact, or would it undermine your confidence and cause you to silently compare yourself to slim women and wonder if that's what he _really_ wants?
> 
> ...





Honestly, it was a complete hypothetical. I haven't talked to anyone in like a year and i haven't been on a date in 2 years. lol Trust m

It was a complete hypothetical. Complete. I have "dated" guys who don't even know the term FA exists. I have also "dated" guys who claimed they were FA's and in the end made me feel horrible about my body. 

I've you know been around the proverbial block...what happened I just read something where someone was exulting their virtues that they don't give a crap what society thinks...they are a non conformist and fat girls rock...and then I checked their links they offered up and none of it screamed non-conformist and non of it said I like fat girls. It screamed look at my collection of pretty thin girls world (my opinion only). I don't personally give a poop either way. 

So, like I said..it was just a thought...

And to me actions speak louder than words but when you only know someone from online talk communication is the only gauge you have. So, i just wondered if other people thought like i did or differently. It really was just a topic and I didn't mean for it t of reflect on anything I did or didn't do in my life. I was just trying to jump into the community with both feet and participate.


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## LalaCity (Feb 4, 2011)

PunkyGurly74 said:


> Honestly, it was a complete hypothetical. I haven't talked to anyone in like a year and i haven't been on a date in 2 years. lol Trust m
> 
> It was a complete hypothetical. Complete. I have "dated" guys who don't even know the term FA exists. I have also "dated" guys who claimed they were FA's and in the end made me feel horrible about my body.
> 
> ...



Yeah, I should have made clear that I meant the general, hypothetical "you."


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## kilo riley (Feb 4, 2011)

happyface83 said:


> Blockierer said:
> 
> 
> > I guess the percentage of male FAs is about 4%.
> ...


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## bigmac (Feb 5, 2011)

kilo riley said:


> happyface83 said:
> 
> 
> > i would guess 40% but they wouldn't identify as FA, which is kind of a creepy term if you ask me. Fat admirer? I admire someone for their intellect or their personality, character,accomplishments etc.
> ...


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## KittyKitten (Feb 11, 2011)

bigmac said:


> kilo riley said:
> 
> 
> > I like chubby chaser better.
> ...


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## CleverBomb (Feb 11, 2011)

happyface83 said:


> bigmac said:
> 
> 
> > Depends on a guy's definition of a 'fat girl'. One guy's fat may be another one's slim.
> ...


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## superodalisque (Feb 11, 2011)

i think the only question a big girl needs to answer about a man for herself is if he is into her. whether he is into big girls or not doesn't matter. just because a guy might be attracted to big girls doesn't mean he is attracted to every big girl.  just because a man hasn't dated big girls before doesn't mean he can't be into an individual big girl. maybe we need to get off this sizeist kick and just focus on the people who are into us as individuals. after all, we say we don't want a sizeist world maybe we need to avoid falling into that trap ourselves. it would sure cut down on the guess work and it would be way more relaxing. 

besides all of that, you can never really "meet" a man online. he can never know you that way either. so if a woman has never met someone except for an encounter on facebook it really doesn't matter what he says on there because that place isn't real. they call it the virtual world for a reason. IMO people give that stuff too much attention and i think women should guard against being the curiosity fattie and incorporating that stuff into their real life. people would be much happier and have many fewer chances of being disappointed if they just kept it real. if someone is not doing that they are just setting themselves up to be disappointed and are wasting much too much of their time on guesswork. besides if a guy likes you he'll tell you and he won't hem haw and make excuses while he nibbles around the edges. other than that he's probably just trying to get a fat curiousity piece to enjoy while his friends aren't looking.


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## superodalisque (Feb 11, 2011)

re: only 4% of men being FAs

maybe so when you consider that a lot of guys who like fat women would never call themselves an FA and don't like the term or their personal connotations around that and don't act out that way with all fat women. 

also maybe its shooting yourself in the foot as a fat woman to always be questioning a man about why he is attracted to you like he is on trial and asking about his other gfs so you compare yourself to them. thats a big red flag and turn off to a lot of good guys.


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## superodalisque (Feb 11, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> Okay, I see what you're saying. I agree that is a lot more difficult to tell online. I think the best way to tell online is to try to push them to meet.. if they're nervous or make lots of excuses, etc. they are probably not being genuine with you. Also, if they disappear for long periods of time with no reason or are only talking to you online late at night or when they're at work or something, it's probably safe to say they have a girlfriend. I do think it's a good sign that he added you to his FB list when he has his actual friends on there.. trying to hide his profile would be a pretty bad sign, IMO.



if a woman has to push a guy to meet thats the answer right there. if he's really interested he'll ask a woman asap.


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## superodalisque (Feb 11, 2011)

Seda said:


> I don't think I've ever been with a man who specifically stated they were only attracted to big women. I think I would be just as put off by a man who said he only liked skinny woman as I would by a man who said he only liked BBWs.
> Sure, a specific feature of whatever but never 'must weigh over 250lbs'.
> 
> Maybe I'm strange? The only person I've been with who didn't want to be seen with me in public was someone with a girlfriend.



me too. i feel it reduces women to something less than what they are and doesn't consider everything a woman has to offer. 

personally i think a lot of closeted guys real issue isn't fat women. i think they have a kind of mental illness. most other guys i know are not so afraid of the world and what other people think to acknowledge what they like. i dunno but i find men who can't stand up for themselves unattractive and immasculated.


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