# I need your opinion regardding this guy...



## Dolce (Oct 19, 2011)

There is this man that I work with who I think may possibly have a romantic interest in me. We had an instant attraction when we first met. He eventually asked me to volunteer alongside him at church weekly and has asked me out for coffee alone. Maybe he likes me, maybe he doesn't. I dunno. And to tell the truth as much as I like, respect, and adore him I am just fine in taking it super slow and becoming good friends first. I think being that we both share the same faith and values definitely sets a tone for our friendship. Here is the part where my little brain gets to thinking that he might be a FA...

We have talked a lot about relationships and he has confided in me that he sometimes wonders where he and his teenage love went wrong. She is now married but he admitted that he sometimes pines after her. Here is the thing. When they were together she was thick. Maybe 170 lbs. but she has probably gained a good 80 lbs. since then. 

Today, while I was setting up my medications at work he was paging through the newspaper and said, "look at this advertisement for this weight loss pill, they will pay you $5 for every pound you lose while taking it." I replied that he didn't need to lose any weight. He then goes on to say that a person could just gain a lot of weight on purpose and then take the pills to get the money. I kind of giggled and said that could be a lot of fun and he laughed too. And then we went on to talking about something else. I just thought it was odd for him to even mention the advertisment being that I am obviously not a slim woman and generally weight is a LOADED subject. Or maybe he really is that dense. Wouldn't be the first guy  That being said this is not the first time he has brought up the subject of weight which I again find odd for a guy as they typically avoid that subject like the plague.

I don't know if he is a FA in the general sense of the term or if my subconcious is only creating fairytales but my intuition tells me that he is in fact on some level. I know he thinks my body looks nice because I catch him checking me out constantly and I weigh a good 200. That and he always finds ways to talk to me and get close to me. So what do you think? Have I spotted a FA?


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## Dolce (Oct 19, 2011)

you don't check your spelling on the title of the thread. I is a good speller, I sware to ya!!!


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## Heyyou (Oct 19, 2011)

He sounds a lot like an FA but i dont think that is a bad thing! I can relate. He sees a curvy woman, and i think he is very happy that he is friends with you. 

Now, as to if he "wants more".. i would say that most FAs are very shy, perhaps he doesnt know what to do/say next, and is in fact attracted to you, though where that goes and where it leads? Who knows! 

Try this... one day, while talking, ask in a joking tone something like "do you like me?" or "do you think im pretty?" or something like that. He will likely giggle, and blush, and say some kind of stammering, (omg i cant believe she just asked me that my cover is blown idk what to say lol) Yes. By "cover blown" he probably wasnt expecting you to ask him that, and as him liking you and being attracted to you, he knows you figured it out lol.

He sounds sweet. He probably has good intentions. That would be my observations on the matter. I have surely been there before! 

I too like the "thick women," I like how he things. Though, and it needs saying.. the -personality- determines whether someone stays or goes! I know that for -a fact.-


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 19, 2011)

I'm turning out to be a terrible handicapper when it comes to these things. It's possible he's trying to see what your relationship is with weight without asking you directly. Are you happy being your size, do you want to lose, does your weight matter to you in some way or are you ambivalent about it, etc. Random topics just to see what you'll say. I don't think he's trying to lead you to any conclusions or plant anything subliminally, I think he's just feeling you out.


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## Tad (Oct 19, 2011)

At the very least he sounds like someone who likes women of a certain curviness and substance. IIRC you do a lot of excercise, so your 200 pounds may not be all that different in apparent size than a lot of women lighter than you by a fair bit (you have more dense muscle, and probably seem lighter on your feet and look firmer). I think there are a lot more guys who find women around your size most attractive than there are ones who prefer larger sizes--but the ones who like women around your size are probably less apt to end up on sites like this one.

Based on that conversation about the pills, he could also like larger women, or equally possibly he could get a charge out of weight gain without specifically prefering bodies that are particularly large (gaining a bunch of weight then losing it with the pills sounds like it would be a perfect fantasy for someone with a love of weight gain without a matching preference for much larger bodies).

Anyway, if you want to know more, I'd say that the ball is in your court. He's give several strong hints in that direction. I get the impression that you tend to be a pretty private person (I could be dead wrong!), but I think opening up a crack could really pay dividends if you do want to encourage his longer term interest in you. It could be something like, for example, a comment of how it can be challenging to find excercise clothes in your size, but you like excercising and you like your size so it is worth the effort. Without addressing him directly it gives him a fair idea of where you stand. Could be something completely different, but think of this as a very slow conversation, to keep it going you need to do more than reflect his words back to him, you have to add something of yourself to the mix.

Good luck in stumbling through this! (stumbling through is the high end in this sort of situation, I think...given that there is no light and plenty of obstacles)

-Tad


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## Gingembre (Oct 19, 2011)

He might not identify as an FA...maybe he just likes you regardless??!


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## KHayes666 (Oct 19, 2011)

Gingembre said:


> He might not identify as an FA...maybe he just likes you regardless??!



I was going to say something along the lines of this. He could just like you for who you are


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## Fat Brian (Oct 19, 2011)

When I was dating, before I ever found this place or knew what an "FA" was, I knew what I liked, but its difficult to tell a woman you like her rolls or how her belly jiggles when she walks. There is sort of a feeling out process, trying to find out what her attitude toward her body is, to know how what you intend to be compliments will be received.


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## LovelyLiz (Oct 19, 2011)

I'd say it's impossible to tell whether he's an FA from the information you've given (and like some of the others, it kind of doesn't matter too much as long as he seems to dig *you*). But he sounds like guy whose company you enjoy, who you can joke around with, and don't mind taking it slow and getting to know each other and becoming friends. Those are all really good things. 

Just enjoy the process. Being friends before romance is a great thing - and it gives you both the chance to see if a relationship really seems like a good next step.


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## musicman (Oct 19, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> When I was dating, before I ever found this place or knew what an "FA" was, I knew what I liked, but its difficult to tell a woman you like her rolls or how her belly jiggles when she walks. There is sort of a feeling out process, trying to find out what her attitude toward her body is, to know how what you intend to be compliments will be received.



This is very true, and could be what the OP is experiencing.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 20, 2011)

Sounds like he is definitely an FA and trying to figure out your attitude towards your body. I think a lot of FAs get frustrated or annoyed if a BBW doesn't like her body, is always trying to lose weight, or expects praise and support for weight loss even when he doesn't enjoy it. Also if he's thinking down the road about being sexually intimate, he may want to make sure you like your body and won't do things like insist on having the lights off or push his hands away from grabbing your fat.


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## LovelyLiz (Oct 20, 2011)

LoveBHMS said:


> Sounds like he is definitely an FA and trying to figure out your attitude towards your body. I think a lot of FAs get frustrated or annoyed if a BBW doesn't like her body, is always trying to lose weight, or expects praise and support for weight loss even when he doesn't enjoy it. Also if he's thinking down the road about being sexually intimate, he may want to make sure you like your body and won't do things like insist on having the lights off or push his hands away from grabbing your fat.



What specifically in her story led you to think the guy is "definitely an FA"? 

Just curious. I always think it's interesting how people can interpret the same set of facts so differently.


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## Heyyou (Oct 20, 2011)

mcbeth said:


> What specifically in her story led you to think the guy is "definitely an FA"?
> 
> Just curious. I always think it's interesting how people can interpret the same set of facts so differently.



He shows interest whereas others do not... i leaned towards him being an "FA" too. Not that he is "definitely" one.. but he appears to be an aficionado of her, based on her body as WELL as that they enjoy each other's company (meaning if she was a skinny girl, there wouldnt be as much interest, maybe.)

I have to agree, curvier/solid is waaay better! (And, personalities being equal in how well you get along, id rather be friends with the curvier/larger woman.)


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## CastingPearls (Oct 20, 2011)

I agree with Lilly that he is feeling you out. Like Mcbeth, I can't tell with what you've provided if he's an FA but it sounds like he definitely likes *YOU* which to me is even better. 

There is one thing I don't think anyone has brought up and I don't want to be a party pooper, but some people are very attracted and repulsed by fat people at the same time. They have this urge or instant attraction but whether it's societal/cultural pressure, what have you, don't WANT to like or accept their own attraction to it. That internal conflict can be very difficult and confusing and some people never mature or evolve out of it. 

I think your taking it slow and letting the friendship grow is smart. I hope you guys enjoy everything as you get to know each other, but just pay attention to red flags or anything that makes you uncomfortable that he's saying or doing. If your friendship is solid, you should be able to discuss those concerns with him and if he really does like you, he may be open to talking about it. Don't be afraid to talk about it, bring it up, etc. when you know him better because if the relationship grows, these are things that should be aired out anyway because you don't want to sell yourself short either. You're worth the best.


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## goofy girl (Oct 20, 2011)

I agree with the others that he could just like you for you but the question is still why does he mention the weight? I notice many guys within the first few dates (or while getting to know each other) drop hints with the whole "I like curvy women" or something along those lines.

Do you feel like you could ask him? Maybe next time he does bring up weight, ask him if he's uncomfortable with it or does he mind it or does he like it...in a way that's friendly and doesn't sound defensive?


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## bigbri (Oct 20, 2011)

I really hate being a curmudgeon, but here goes...While he may be interested in you, for my money, mentioning weight loss pills indicates to me that he would like you to lose weight. If he likes you the way you are, why mention your weight at all? Wouldn't he just find ways to compliment your looks at the time, "What a nice smile you have today", or "Your hair looks gorgeous", or anything positive like that. Why discuss weight loss pills? Play it cool and hope for the best, but that is not the way I would ever approach any woman I was interested in, no matter what her size.


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## goofy girl (Oct 20, 2011)

bigbri said:


> I really hate being a curmudgeon, but here goes...While he may be interested in you, for my money, mentioning weight loss pills indicates to me that he would like you to lose weight. If he likes you the way you are, why mention your weight at all? Wouldn't he just find ways to compliment your looks at the time, "What a nice smile you have today", or "Your hair looks gorgeous", or anything positive like that. Why discuss weight loss pills? Play it cool and hope for the best, but that is not the way I would ever approach any woman I was interested in, no matter what her size.



He also mentioned gaining weight and then using the pills to be compensated. So its very mixed messages...

I do agree though that there is no reason to mention it at all


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## CastingPearls (Oct 20, 2011)

goofy girl said:


> He also mentioned gaining weight and then using the pills to be compensated. So its very mixed messages...
> 
> I do agree though that there is no reason to mention it at all


Yeah this has been my line of thinking too....too mixed....which is why I said he could be conflicted. 

He might mention it if he's closeted or just doesn't know HOW to address it.


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## bigbri (Oct 20, 2011)

Conflicted....yes, I guess I would be "conflicted" if I met a woman at a "church setting" and then discussed how you could commit fraud on a company.


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## CastingPearls (Oct 20, 2011)

bigbri said:


> Conflicted....yes, I guess I would be "conflicted" if I met a woman at a "church setting" and then discussed how you could commit fraud on a company.


Wow that's really over-simplifying. 

Your example would be akin to discussing how easy it would be to crack the code of a computer program; that doesn't make one a hacker; it just seemed like chit-chat to me but with some kind of interest in weight, a pattern if you will, because he's mentioned it before, so it's not like the guy is a criminal and religious people aren't saints anyway. (Well except for the...actual..saints)


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## tonynyc (Oct 20, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Yeah this has been my line of thinking too....too mixed....which is why I said he could be conflicted.
> 
> He might mention it if he's closeted or just doesn't know HOW to address it.



Or in pharamceutical sales.... * but- the mixed messages very confusing*


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## LovelyLiz (Oct 20, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Yeah this has been my line of thinking too....too mixed....which is why I said he could be conflicted.
> 
> He might mention it if he's closeted or just doesn't know HOW to address it.



Honestly, I just feel like he was possibly just making conversation. Maybe that advertisement struck him, he thought of the funny possibility of gaining all this weight to make money off the ad, and just shared it. I'd imagine they talked about a bunch of other topics too during their conversation, but the OP just clued into this one because her body and weight is a hot-button of sorts, so when something's said about things related to those topics it can become kind of highlighted even if it's not especially important to the speaker. (I say that knowing I've done the same thing a bunch of times.)

I mean, sure, it's possible he is an FA and was intentionally dropping these hints and feeling things out...but I don't see any reason why that possibility should be considered the most plausible.


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## Fat Brian (Oct 20, 2011)

I agree that there isn't enough in the OP to tell 100% one way or the other. I would imagine if he is a good church-going man that he doesn't spend much time cruising the internet for new and interesting forms of pornography so he has probably not found our little corner of the web yet. Some guys who prefer smaller to mid sized BBWs never feel so out of place that they seek out further understanding, their tastes aren't very far from the norm so they don't feel very different. Its also entirely possible he is a you enthusiast and he doesn't have a weight preference. I know when I was dating one of the things I was looking for before I set a course firmly for chubbier waters was I wanted a woman who didn't diet. I hate diet talk, calories and points and restrictions and bad vs good food, lord kill me now. Maybe he was just seeing what you felt about dieting, who knows?


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## CastingPearls (Oct 20, 2011)

mcbeth said:


> Honestly, I just feel like he was possibly just making conversation. Maybe that advertisement struck him, he thought of the funny possibility of gaining all this weight to make money off the ad, and just shared it. I'd imagine they talked about a bunch of other topics too during their conversation, but the OP just clued into this one because her body and weight is a hot-button of sorts, so when something's said about things related to those topics it can become kind of highlighted even if it's not especially important to the speaker. (I say that knowing I've done the same thing a bunch of times.)
> 
> I mean, sure, it's possible he is an FA and was intentionally dropping these hints and feeling things out...but I don't see any reason why that possibility should be considered the most plausible.


That's why I said 'could be' and 'might'. We don't know enough to KNOW.


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## LovelyLiz (Oct 20, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> That's why I said 'could be' and 'might'. We don't know enough to KNOW.



Yeah, I knew that's where you were on it. I just quoted you because your post was shorter.  (And too lazy to find the ones I really wanted to quote...)


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## Dolce (Oct 20, 2011)

bigbri said:


> I really hate being a curmudgeon, but here goes...While he may be interested in you, for my money, mentioning weight loss pills indicates to me that he would like you to lose weight. If he likes you the way you are, why mention your weight at all? Wouldn't he just find ways to compliment your looks at the time, "What a nice smile you have today", or "Your hair looks gorgeous", or anything positive like that. Why discuss weight loss pills? Play it cool and hope for the best, but that is not the way I would ever approach any woman I was interested in, no matter what her size.



You know I was thinking that, too. If you can't tell by now from my posting history I do seem to get involved in these kinds of situations a lot. Meaning having crushes on men that never materialize into something better. I think this says a lot more about me and my issues than them but anyways.... 

I realize I can be a bit naive and to tell the truth I do get mixed messages from him constantly. He often brings up the topic of ex-girlfriend this or ex-girlfriend that around me which I find to be in poor taste whether you are interested in the person you are speaking to romatically or not. At first I thought he was just trying to imply his heterosexuality because he is a nurse and there is a stereotype of male nurses being gay. But he probably mentions an ex-girlfriend in just about every conversation he has had with me. Being a nurse, he has a lot of female friends, which he actually complains about. He says that he would really like to have more male friends which I agree is healthy. Many of his female friends are very slim and athletic and I know one of his exes was a slim, pretty blonde. But when I see him around other women I don't get the vibe that their is a sexual attraction between them; more of a brotherly payfulness if you will whereas even when we first met he would get really close to me and lean in so that we were almost touching and even now he will make a point to come see and help me with my work and come be close to me when everyone else is in the nurses station. (We don't always work together, we both float to other units)

Anyhow, I really appreciate everyone responding to my thread as your thoughts really help me to sort out my own feelings. And Tad is right that I am a private person.. not always shy but I have a hard time emotionally opening up to people so my converstations with men often revolve around me asking them questions about themselves while holding my cards tightly to my chest. I suppose if we had a private moment and he mentioned something about weight again I could be so bold as to ask him what was really up. I get the vibe he is just conflicted, period, and maybe just a tad to young for me to be setting my sites on him (he is a little over 2 years younger). Personally, I think I just need to get out more and meet more men in general. No more staying at home obsessing about male nurses :doh: 

I suppose one of my problems is that although I desire to be slimmer in some ways I really, REALLY love the thought of being with a FA. I have a lot of reasons for this - some practical, some emotional, but many sexual.


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## Dolce (Oct 20, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Yeah this has been my line of thinking too....too mixed....which is why I said he could be conflicted.
> 
> He might mention it if he's closeted or just doesn't know HOW to address it.



Hi CP, thanks for your thoughts on the subject! But yes, the more I think about some of the crap he says the more I think maybe I should not even be wasting my time wondering.


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## CastingPearls (Oct 20, 2011)

Dolce said:


> Hi CP, thanks for your thoughts on the subject! But yes, the more I think about some of the crap he says the more I think maybe I should not even be wasting my time wondering.


Can I be totally honest? I could be off and just tell me if I am....

It sounds like two things: You're attracted to men who are nice to you--and well they should, but you might think their genuine niceness is 'more'. I think most of us, if we examine our romantic past (and present) have done that, so it's pretty common but I suggest that if you think that's the case, try to NOT jump to conclusions or imagine anything more than what the guy is clearly saying. Anything confusing or conflicting? Either address it directly (If a man likes you, he'll tell you as long as you're not screaming in terror and clutching his sleeve) or wait it out but DON'T let yourself get carried away with a romantic notion when he might just really like you as a friend. He might honestly be friend-zoning you which is point two. 

You, unfortunately could be someone who he is spending time/hanging out with in the meantime until he finds someone else or gets back with the one he's still hung up on and sweetie, he IS still hung up on her. Don't sell yourself short for someone who can't get over someone else. Be his friend if you get anything out of it, but don't close your availability to other men thinking he's a possibility. I KNOW this sounds absolutely ridiculous but DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. I KNOW that doesn't make sense, but tell yourself that because it's not really personal. You're worth it, and his liking you doesn't define your worth, but you may not be the right person for him which incidentally means he's not the right person for you. 

If you feel good when you're with him, practice your 'moves' and by that I mean even chatting, not necessarily seducing him, so when you DO meet that guy who's VERY clear in his interest, you're a bit more confident. You deserve that.


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## collared Princess (Oct 21, 2011)

He's married run for the hills and don't look back..take it from someone who has just come through 5 years of heartache not to mention a child that is in all this....run run run lady...


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## collared Princess (Oct 21, 2011)

Oh wait she is married my bad..run run run back...


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 21, 2011)

I have a similar situation going on right now with a guy I've been spending time with. I actually know for sure he ISN'T an FA but I still feel he may be interested romantically. I hate being in limbo & not knowing where someone stands! I wish I had advice but I don't.. just sympathy!


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## TraciJo67 (Oct 21, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Can I be totally honest? I could be off and just tell me if I am....
> 
> It sounds like two things: You're attracted to men who are nice to you--and well they should, but you might think their genuine niceness is 'more'. I think most of us, if we examine our romantic past (and present) have done that, so it's pretty common but I suggest that if you think that's the case, try to NOT jump to conclusions or imagine anything more than what the guy is clearly saying. Anything confusing or conflicting? Either address it directly (If a man likes you, he'll tell you as long as you're not screaming in terror and clutching his sleeve) or wait it out but DON'T let yourself get carried away with a romantic notion when he might just really like you as a friend. He might honestly be friend-zoning you which is point two.
> 
> ...


 
This. Absolutely this.

If he's interested, REALLY interested, and not socially awkward to the point of paralysis (in which case, would you really want to date him?), he'll find a way to let you know. Most of us don't like taking risks unless we have some degree -- depending on our tolerance for the possibility of social humiliation -- of confidence in a positive outcome. But ultimately, if the attraction is there, we find some way to take those risks, incrementally. It seemed to me like he was feeling you out, trying to ascertain if you are interested. But unless you're willing to just lay your own cards out on the table to find out, you may never know what he's thinking. 

Since you work together, it's not easy to consider such a risk. It could make things awkward between you, if he doesn't feel the same way. Hell, it could be awkward as hell even if he DOES, if you got together and it didn't work out. He may be thinking this same thing. Or, he may just think of you as a very good friend. Guess the ball is in your court. 

If it were me, I'd take the risk -- in a small way, such as inviting him out for dinner. Something like, "Hey, I really enjoy your company -- how about getting together for dinner tomorrow night?" I'd say it in a friendly, natural way, with a smile on my face. If he finds some excuse, I'd let him off the hook immediately, keep the smile plastered to my face, and change the subject. Worse case scenario? He knows that I'm interested, and he's not. Big whoop. Think of the situation reversed -- would you really think it was a big deal if he thought you were attractive and you didn't have the same feelings, or would you just be really flattered?


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## Dolce (Oct 22, 2011)

This is to CP and Traci Jo, 

CP, I appreciate your honest opinion and can see your point of view but I really don't think it is that simple. Plenty of men like me and are nice to me and still I just don't find myself attracted to them. And I'm not THAT naive that I can't tell the difference between kindness and attraction. Although I am partial to men that I am attracted to and that treat me with kindness. I certainly don't like a-holes. Another angle I was thinking was that maybe he is the one feeling a little insecure about his weight. He recently lost a good 30 lbs. (he was chunkier but still just as sexy to me) and has slowly been gaining weight back now that the weather is getting cooler. I think if you all met him you would see that he is a very likable, kind, and "mothering" type of guy. Yet in a very masculine way. he is definitely not some lothario playing the field and wrecking havok on young girls hearts. 

As far as making a move I don't feel the need as he is always the one to approach me. He has on more than one occasion gone out of his way to meet me, run into me, contact me and make me a part of his everyday life so I have every confidence that IF he does want me he will make sure this friendship grows. I feel very confident that he appreciates me as a person and is intrigued by me. 

At times I feel insecure and in those moments I not only doubt my perception but perceive things incorrectly. I enjoy our friendship, think he is sexy as hell in every way and plan on continuing on just the way it is. If anything develops I will let you know.

When he talks about his exes (which is very annoying) it is usually, oh I dated a girl who lived out there. Or oh, my ex and I went on a road trip after I graduated nursing school. Only once has he confided in me about his teenage love and I in turn confided in him about mine. Yes, I do find it annoying but I am not sure if he mentions women he has dated because: 1. that's his way of telling me he's not really interested in me "like that" or 2. he is insecure or 3. he is really just that dense or 4. he is bragging 

No one is perfect so I'll take my chances finding out. I know for a fact he has been single for 2 years now and he will be 25 in January (I just turned 27 today). And if he finds someone else I will be very happy for him as he deserves a great woman and will make a wonderful father and husband (I know he really wants kids and marriage).


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 22, 2011)

He may be bringing up his ex's just for the sake of conversation. There's been times when I'm with a guy, even one I'm interested romantically, and something will remind me of one of my ex's and before I'm even thinking I say something about it. With guys I'm not interested in romantically I don't bother trying to censor talking about my ex boyfriends because, who cares? To me, it's similar to saying "oh yeah, one of my friends lived there." It's probably not intentional.


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## CastingPearls (Oct 22, 2011)

Dolce said:


> This is to CP and Traci Jo,
> 
> CP, I appreciate your honest opinion and can see your point of view but I really don't think it is that simple. Plenty of men like me and are nice to me and still I just don't find myself attracted to them. And I'm not THAT naive that I can't tell the difference between kindness and attraction. Although I am partial to men that I am attracted to and that treat me with kindness. I certainly don't like a-holes. Another angle I was thinking was that maybe he is the one feeling a little insecure about his weight. He recently lost a good 30 lbs. (he was chunkier but still just as sexy to me) and has slowly been gaining weight back now that the weather is getting cooler. I think if you all met him you would see that he is a very likable, kind, and "mothering" type of guy. Yet in a very masculine way. he is definitely not some lothario playing the field and wrecking havok on young girls hearts.
> 
> ...


First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Second, then if that's your vibe, stick with it. It's plausible that he's insecure himself, as many of us can be, so things just don't come out right. Whatever happens, though---keep us posted. I wish you well!


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## Tad (Oct 24, 2011)

All sorts of reasons why he could bring up his exes--as ThatGirl said, it could just be how he identifies events/places/things and he doesn't censor out mention of them. I could also imagine that if he 25 and not currently dating (and hasn't for a couple of years), is working in a non-traditionally masculine profession like nursing, and is struggling some with his weight, he could feel a need to make it clear that he has been in relationships--just to make it clear that he is not undateable.

Also, if his weight has been going up and down, it could be entirely possible that he doesn't like fighting his weight and would adore a partner to tell him he doesn't need to lose weight, or even that he could relax and not worry if he gained a bit. Whether or not he's thought it through consciously, he might assume that because you are not thin you'd be more accepting of his weight? (that is, the weight related comments could really be all about him, not about you)

Finally, you mentioned that you feel no need to move things along, because he always seeks you out. Most people will eventually give up if they don't receive any encouragement. As the saying goes, that which you water will grow, that which you ignore will shrivel. It can take a long time, but.... it would be a kind thing for you to figure out if you want to see where things go, or don't want to, and provide appropriate feedback. Thinking there could be something there, but getting no clear signals is not a particularly comfortable place. Not saying to jump into dating, but some positive or negative signals could go a long way.


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## Still Waters (Oct 25, 2011)

From what you've said about him, definitely pursue something other than "just friends". You're attracted to each other both physically and in other ways even though you, and maybe he, don't know everything about how he feels about fat on women nor on himself. Try to be tolerant if he has no idea how to talk seriously about anything FA-related or about your body -- like most FAs at 25. At some point it may help him a lot to know that you like it on him, and it may help him open up.

When I was that age I had just been really burned by the first thing I dared to say about it. I'd been with a girl, about 170 lbs in my department in grad school for the whole school year, and when I said something about liking her plump legs and it must have hurt her horribly. After a few days she said something like, "I don't know if you said that because you're really that cruel, or you're really that stupid. You don't seem to have a mean bone in your body so I guess it must be stupid."

The next woman I dated after that, three years later, was in the low 200s, on the border between being incredibly buxom and plump and something more. She said several things that seem now like obvious FA-bait, and I never knew how to respond to them at the time, even though what I was thinking was "I like it, I love it, I want some more of it, you're already the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, I can't believe you're going out with me, and you doing whatever gives you pleasure will make you even more perfect." She instead got the impression that I must not have much sexual interest in her.


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## Fat Brian (Oct 25, 2011)

There is something to be said for putting at least some of your cards on the table. If it carries on like this for too long, without any positive reaction from you, he may feel like you have put him in the "friend zone". If he feels "friend zoned" he might begin to look for other, more receptive, women to talk to. This is especially true if he has low self confidence, you mentioned he might be having some weight issues of his own. I know because I've been there, I was talking to a girl and felt very strongly for her but didn't really know how to tell her and our talking never seemed to be more than just talking so when another girl came along and said she thought I was cute she became my primary focus because I knew she was interested. YMMV, just food for thought.


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## Avichai (Oct 28, 2011)

All information given in this thread considered, I think he has an interest in you. Guys can be plenty awkward about approaching women, some (like myself) are straight up about it, some others tend to take a more tip-toe'y approach around the object of their desire, and there could be tons of reasons for him mentioning his ex as often as he does, maybe he hopes it will prompt a response from you that will get talk into the relationship and eventually the 'two of us' realm, because he doesn't know how to say it otherwise? It's a thought. 

But like someone mentioned early in the thread - time will tell. If he's into you sexually, you'll know sooner or later, and he'll get over himself and approach you more directly, I wouldn't necessarily feel obliged to do anything on your part, if you're not in a rush to speed things up a little. Can take months with some people.


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 29, 2011)

Has there been any change Dolce? Just curious!

The situation with the guy I mentioned up thread has progressed a little, maybe? Guys can be so hard to read! haha.


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