# No longer a Fat Admirer...



## Edens_heel (Sep 20, 2008)

... Rather a BBW Admirer.

Permit me to explain: I used to be somewhat active on Dimensions, but in recent months my attendance has dwindled to almost nothing. I've been struggling with why it is I came here in the first place, what it means to be an FA, and all things related to my nature and desire to do my part for size acceptance.

I think the straw that broke the camel's back for me was a looong time ago, when a thoughtful and, to me, important post was made by Susannah regarding the nature of the pay site board and her personal issues towards it. There were a few intelligent and thought-provoking posts, but it quickly devolved into a slap-fest with even the web master tossing on the gloves. It made me lose a lot of respect for the site, but in the end I stuck with it (though to a lesser degree) because Dimensions is truly the only genuinely size-accepting community online (Fat Forums seems too sexualized, and Curvage... well that is just a trash site for people touching themselves to as many photos as they can in record time). Lately though, I've noticed myself waning again, and I want to explain why to see if I'm alone, or if any other FA's share this conflict.

In short: I am a health nut. I've been obsessed with keeping my own body in shape for close to a decade now, and it's caused a number of struggles with food in my life, but in the end I'm come to a healthy middle ground where it's still a definite focus, but not a commanding one. Now, I have known I am an FA for many years (since back in high school in the 1990's, but it was Melissa McCarthy on Gilmore Girls that cinched it for me), and have been with a wonderful, amazing BBW for more than two years. I love how she looks and feels and wouldn't change a thing. But here's the catch: she's athletic. She likes her curves, loves that I love the soft and squishy belly, arms, legs, etc., and definitely loves food, but in no way does she desire to be unhealthy. She's the definition of an athletic BBW. Her only issue comes when she gets to a certain size and then experiences back pain due to her chest size. I personally find then that my thoughts travel to "well, then we should find a way to get some of this weight off as fast and healthily as possible."

I am not trying to make an argument that the lifestyles some BBW's choose to lead are unhealthy or dangerous, because you have to be extremely naive or uninformed to believe the myth of fat=unhealthy. We all know that's a crock of sh*t. But what I'm finding, and that this is leaving me feeling somewhat lost in the sea of Dimensions, is that the purposeful gaining, the posts that start with "look how much I've gained!" or "Watch me down an entire family pizza!", are leaving me feeling cold to the cause, that I'm finding that the term FA is becoming synonymous with literally just that for some people: Fat lust. Not admiration for the person or the whole, but for the jiggle, folds, dimples, cellulite, etc. And I find that the more I think about that, the more I struggle to want to call myself an FA. I don't want to see someone struggling to fit through a doorway, or into a chair, or losing their breath as they climb to the top of a flight of stairs (there was a thread on the appeal of unfitness a while back that made me feel a little ill, like it was almost finding attraction in the abuse of another, whether it was self or third party inflicted), but at the same time, yes I am attracted, and almost exclusively, to BBW's.

So what do you all think? Am I alone in this? Am I way off base or are there any other so-called FA's that share my concerns? In the end, my desire is to lead the longest, best life I can, and it's not for me to judge what anyone else deems as their perfect existence, but I find I am struggling to accept some of the ones I see on display here. I know that being fat doesn't mean beyond a shadow of a doubt that your life is going to be shorter, or filled with medical or physical difficulties, but to some of the extremes exhibited I find it hard to believe otherwise. I love that my girl is a confident and sexy BBW, and we are incredibly happy together, but I find there are just too many aspects to extreme weights and purposeful gaining that warp the idea of what I thought an FA was that I just don't know how to support the concept anymore. I am entirely for size acceptance in all it's forms, but this struggle is there and it is growing as I get older. In the end, what I'm realizing is that the act of fat admiration seems to be taking over a sect of the Dimensions population to the point where it's no longer about the person, just the fat. That is something I know I cannot be a part of if that is becoming more and more of the case.

Anyone else have any thoughts?


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## bexy (Sep 20, 2008)

Firstly, kudos for a heart felt and well thought out post.

Secondly, all I can suggest is you describe yourself as you feel comfortable doing so. Take part in what you feel happy with and ignore what you don't. Ultimately each person has their own free will and can choose to eat what they wish and weigh what they wish. It can be difficult when your gut instinct is telling you it may be counterproductive, harmful whatever, but it is still their choice.

If it helps, Wikipedia has some definitions that I feel applicable here.


> Fat Admiration is the attraction of an individual to people who are overweight or obese, whose bodies have what may be considered excessive adipose tissue. It is also known as "adipophilia" The object of desire may be male or female. An indivudal's attraction may be a preference or a fetish. If the attraction to fat is a mere preference it is only desired in a partner. If the attraction is a full blown fetish fat is an absolute necessity for arousal. Fat Fetishism is a subtopic within Fat Admiration. Some Fat Fetishists are aroused by weight gain, some by the thought of gaining weight themselves and others by the thought of of others gaining weight. Fat Fetishism is also sometimes combined with Sadomasochism also known as Sadism and Masochism. The Fat Admiration subculture has a number of subcultures within it.




Your personal struggle is not a new one however, there is also a lot of information online about the "collision" between the goals of the Fat Acceptance movement, and Fat Fetishism. 
It appears to be an ongoing topic with no clear resolution, so all I can say is be who you are, and try not to fret about anyone else.


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## Fascinita (Sep 20, 2008)

It sounds like you've drunk the Kool Aid a little. You seem to be struggling not to believe the hype, that being fat is a death sentence. To the extent that you are struggling to find a middle ground for yourself, I wish you the best in coming to terms with your conflicting feelings. I can appreciate the thoughtful tone of your post above. I do think you might need to reflect on why you believe it's better to be athletic and "fit" than to be fat, and on why--even though you seem to have chosen a partner that's the very image of "fat can be fit"--you are still experiencing negative feelings toward "excessive" fat. That seems to me to be the exact attitude that's held at large in our culture, except that you've softened it a little around the edges. 

I know there's a lot of pressure to feel a certain way about fat. You have to be the one to decide how you're going to feel about it.

It's interesting that you didn't just walk away. You walked away and then came back to say you were walking away. That, I think, speaks to the fact that you're still drawn to the ways that fat is talked about at Dimensions.

Good luck.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Sep 20, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> It sounds like you've drunk the Kool Aid a little. You seem to be struggling not to believe the hype, that being fat is a death sentence. To the extent that you are struggling to find a middle ground for yourself, I wish you the best in coming to terms with your conflicting feelings. I can appreciate the thoughtful tone of your post above. I do think you might need to reflect on why you believe it's better to be athletic and "fit" than to be fat, and on why--even though you seem to have chosen a partner that's the very image of "fat can be fit"--you are still experiencing negative feelings toward "excessive" fat. That seems to me to be the exact attitude that's held at large in our culture, except that you've softened it a little around the edges.
> 
> I know there's a lot of pressure to feel a certain way about fat. You have to be the one to decide how you're going to feel about it.
> 
> ...




Hmmmm. I think you are misreading what he wrote.

He has no struggle with liking fat, fatness or whathaveyou and he didn't say that fat people need to be to fit in the sense that means being thin or small because he doesn't believe to be fit automatically means being thin or small. 

He is talking about the trend of liking the fat more than the person. He is talking about where fat is promoted to the *clear* detriment to one's health.

For example someone getting so large that they can no longer walk or that they struggle to breathe and function on a basic level. I know people might have this fantasy of human beings inflating literally like balloons to where it looks like they will actually explode but the reality is very different if one gets to a size where FOR THEIR BODY (because everyone holds weight differently and has different limit points) it truly causes them pain, severe dysfunction and health struggles.

That is what he is addressing...how being an FA is often associated with that that severity. That to be fat positive, there's this idea that one *must* support that without any questions or reservations...or else they are part of the rest of thin-obsessed society and they are "selling out".

Does this make any sense? Because I felt his post clearly addressed those things...made those distinctions.

He also mentioned quite explicitly that he knows that just simply being fat or plus-sized does not mean one can't be healthy. However, that does not mean that none of us have limitations to where going beyond a certain point can -start- to affect our quality of life, although I know there's still room for subjectivity in defining what quality of life is. To some that might mean going out with a bang. If they get to the point of where they can't walk any longer and struggle to stand, that might be a better quality of life -for them-....

although I admit it is hard to understand that mindset.


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## Edens_heel (Sep 20, 2008)

Bexy:Thanks for the thoughtful post. I agree that the choice is up to the individual, and with that in mind I guess my struggle with Dimensions is that, being an open forum, those topics and posts that sway more and more into fat fetishism are impossible to avoid. I think that's why I've struggled with feeling out of place or having nothing worthwhile to say for so damn long.

Fascinita: I think Candy-Coated Clown helped clarify what I meant - i have not drunk the kool-aid, as you put it, but rather my focus is on two things: the trend of fetishizing the fat over the person, and those who will go, on purpose, far past a weight that is healthy on any level. Just being fat does not make one unhealthy by any stretch, but there are simply limits to what the body can handle, and at some point, if continuously gained, that fat is going to have repercussions. It might be at 300 pounds, might not be until 600, 700, or 1,000, but every body has a limit to what it can take, and my issue is with purposefully getting to that point, fantasizing about immobility and whatnot. I don't feel any pressure one way or another - hell everyone of my friends and family know my preference, and if any had a problem with it they would be sliced and diced from my life in a heartbeat. It would be no different than having an issue with my partner being black and me white - if it's an issue for a friend or family member, they would be dead to me. And I do like how being fat is talked about at dimensions, but not in every sense - hence the initial conflict. There is tremendous support and love on these boards, but there's a growing feeling that the fetishism of fat is something that I just can't support, because that can tread into dangerous (and if not dangerous than at least disrespectful) waters.

CCC: Spot on - thank you.


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## Fascinita (Sep 20, 2008)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> Hmmmm. I think you are misreading what he wrote.
> 
> He has no struggle with liking fat, fatness or whathaveyou and he didn't say that fat people need to be to fit in the sense that means being thin or small because he doesn't believe to be fit automatically means being thin or small.
> 
> ...



I think bexy said it best: People have free will. 

To try to impose a limit on what's healthy or not for others is a gesture of oppression-- different from the gestures affected in anti-fat rhetoric-at-large only in degree, and not in kind. I would think anyone might be content (and plenty busy) with figuring out what works for one's own body, and to let others be free to do the same. At heart, this is what fat and size acceptance are about, in my opinion.

PS - This is completely off-topic CCC, but, gawd, that picture of you is gorgeous. :blush:


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## Ruby Ripples (Sep 20, 2008)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> Hmmmm. I think you are misreading what he wrote.
> 
> He has no struggle with liking fat, fatness or whathaveyou and he didn't say that fat people need to be to fit in the sense that means being thin or small because he doesn't believe to be fit automatically means being thin or small.
> 
> ...




I didn't have the impression that Fascinita misunderstood his post at all, hers made perfect sense to me in reply to his, maybe you misunderstand hers? 

Great post Fascinita.


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## Suze (Sep 20, 2008)

i dont think you should avoid a community just because it has diversity. 

thats iike avoiding society. :blink:


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## Lovelyone (Sep 20, 2008)

I'd just like to say that IN MY OPINION, fat fetishism is something entirely different than being an FA (as pointed out in Bexy's post) However, the problem I have with the TERM FA is the same that the OP seems to be suggesting--that fat admiration means admiring the fat and not the actual person carrying the fat. I've long had an issue with that term. I suggest that we change it to FPA (fat person admirer) 
I think its much like the term bbw...not everyone fits that term and not everyone completely agrees with what it is supposed to stand for. 

Aside from that Eden's heel, it sounds to me like you might be in love..and perhaps no longer need the support that you may have been looking for when you first came here. I don't think there is anything wrong with taking a break from the boards. I did..and when I came back, I returned with a new perspective. There were and still are threads I avoid (the "look at me I am gaining" and "WOW, I can eat a whole pizza" threads) I dont visit the paysite threads either--but that doesnt mean that I cant appreciate the fact that others DO. The wonderful thing about this site is that it encompasses ALL of the topics and issues that may be interesting to all kinds of people...fat admirers, gainers, foodies, feedee/feeders, bbws, bhm lovers, ssbbws, men who love big women, encouragers and yes..even fetishists. Imagine what a plain world we would live in if everyone were a carbon copy. I am not a fetishist..or a feeder/feedee but I have gained insight about myself from the posts that are presented here. I hope that in some way, so have you.


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## fatgirlflyin (Sep 20, 2008)

Edens_heel said:


> ... Rather a BBW Admirer.
> 
> Permit me to explain: I used to be somewhat active on Dimensions, but in recent months my attendance has dwindled to almost nothing. I've been struggling with why it is I came here in the first place, what it means to be an FA, and all things related to my nature and desire to do my part for size acceptance.
> 
> ...



I think that Dimensions is a very mixed bag, and that a person should go through the bag taking what they like and leaving behind what doesn't interest them. I personally don't like the fetish stuff, I don't feel that it promotes size acceptance at all (and I've also never seen anyone say feederism = size acceptance either), but I understand the need for the people into it to have a place to discuss it.

I'm not a paysite model but in regards to your "I ate a whole pizza comment", I think a lot of times that's an attention getter. Its easy to type I ate a whole pizza, take a picture with a whole pizza in front of you and take several pictures with the pizza diminishing while you've really only eaten one piece.


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## Ash (Sep 20, 2008)

The struggle that is being discussed here is far from new. We see a thread like this around here every couple of months. The funny part is when the OP comes back after his break and decides we aren't so bad around here after all. 

Feeding and gaining to extremes are hardly new trends. These topics of discussion have been around at least as long as the internet. Actually, it's been much, much longer than that even. 

What I'm having trouble understanding, though, is why how much a woman eats or gains or how much she talks about it on the internet has any effect on you. We're all adults here, and we all have free will. If I want to weigh 400, 500, or 600 pounds, that's my choice. I'm not asking you to carry around this much weight, so I fail to see what would bother you about it. 

For some reason, in our culture, it has become acceptable for people to tell others how to live and how to be healthy and how to be happy. I hear the OP saying that it's okay to be fat, but just not past a certain arbitrary threshold. That's where it gets dangerous! Your quality of life is compromised! You get out of breath too quickly/easily! And the rest of you can't find this attractive because it's abuse! You're glorifying unhealthy behavior!

Live and let live, people. My gaining fetish isn't hurting you at all, and it never will, and the guys who are into gaining aren't hurting you either. In Dimensions those of us who have an interest in feeding and gaining have a place to come and talk about it. It's even been given it's own special board separate from the rest. If that part of Dimensions bothers you, don't go there! Hyde Park drives me batshit. I avoid it at all costs. It's not difficult. 

We all make our own choices. That's the beauty of individuality and personal freedom. We have enough people in the mainstream telling us that we're deviant. We don't need it from each other.


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## Shosh (Sep 20, 2008)

Hi Andrew,

It is nice to hear from you. I can understand all that you are saying as I have felt that way myself.

I have a hard time reconciling fat acceptance and fat fetishism also. I have learned however just to avoid reading what I find disturbing.
It does upset me that some seem to be obsessed with the fat and the struggles that women physically have to endure as a result of it.

I was recently upset by the whole " Gaining to a 1000 pounds" controversy.
Let it be known that I have nothing at all against that person. I just have a problem with the fact that a minor child is involved in the picture.
When you have a child, you have responsibilities towards that child, and the whole gaining issue should not be encouraged and enabled.

No child? Well do what you like. Even If I do not agree with it, it is your life and your decision. Have a child? No.

In terms of paysites, I think the whole " Im gaining" thing is really just a marketing tool for some, no? It may attract more memberships if one says they are gaining.
There may also be the genuine models that are into that and are gaining also though. I can understand that.

Anyway my whole understanding of the paysite board has evolved as I have been here, and I understand it more now. It is nice to see some of the ladies there being happy and confident in their shells. Ladies like Tori and Mindee have become nice friends to me here, and have helped me to understand the whole BBW modelling world.

I guess I just take from this place whtever makes me feel good about myself, and bypass the stuff I feel uncomfortable with.


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## Carrie (Sep 20, 2008)

Edens_heel said:


> But what I'm finding, and that this is leaving me feeling somewhat lost in the sea of Dimensions, is that the purposeful gaining, the posts that start with "look how much I've gained!" or "Watch me down an entire family pizza!", are leaving me feeling cold to the cause, that I'm finding that the term FA is becoming synonymous with literally just that for some people: Fat lust. Not admiration for the person or the whole, but for the jiggle, folds, dimples, cellulite, etc. And I find that the more I think about that, the more I struggle to want to call myself an FA. I don't want to see someone struggling to fit through a doorway, or into a chair, or losing their breath as they climb to the top of a flight of stairs (there was a thread on the appeal of unfitness a while back that made me feel a little ill, like it was almost finding attraction in the abuse of another, whether it was self or third party inflicted), but at the same time, yes I am attracted, and almost exclusively, to BBW's.
> 
> *snip*
> 
> ...


I think you may be throwing away the proverbial baby with the dishwater here. Sure, there are certainly some FAs and BBW here who are into purposeful gaining, and no, I don't have stats to back this up, but my overall sense is that they are pretty well outnumbered (in terms of *regular/frequent* posters) by people who happen to be fat and people who happen to find fat bodies attractive. In fact, it seems to be an eternal struggle here at Dims to provide the relatively few regular posters who are pro-weight gain with one safe board in which to discuss and explore their feelings and fantasies, as they are frequently attacked and/or shushed when they do. 

That being said, I'm not at all surprised that even with the sheer number of non-weight gain related threads and posts here, the weight gain ones are what stick with you as a reader. It's clearly something you're struggling with now, so it makes sense that reading a post about weight gain would resonate with you more profoundly than, say, the thread about dating a SSBBW, which is full of thoughtful posts by quality FAs who are attracted to the fat *person*, not just the fat body. 

Purposeful weight gain is not my cup of tea, particularly after struggling with several injuries this past winter that challenged me greatly in terms of mobility. Thankfully I'm completely recovered and focusing on improving my health and mobility through exercise now, but it could have just as easily gone in the other direction, and frankly, that possibility absolutely terrified me. Because of that struggle, I admit that the weight gain posts resonate with me in a very personal way now, too, so I mostly just don't read them. It would be easy for me to just read posts like that, become upset, and leave Dims altogether, but I recognize that that's just one portion of this place, and just one aspect of "fat admiration", an aspect that doesn't fit well with me or my life, and that's okay. It doesn't mean I don't like being fat, or that I don't like FAs; quite the opposite, in fact. 

Also, I think for a lot of FAs with "feeding" or "encouraging" tendencies, it's mostly a fantasy thing; at least that's what I've gleaned from reading many posts here. Like most things, there are nuances, and I think there's a pretty big difference between a guy getting off on his girl eating a big slice of cake vs. a guy with a single-minded focus of getting his girl to gain weight into the territory of mobility problems, so keep that in mind when reading gaining posts, too. 

Anyway, my point (I'm pretty sure I had one). "Fat admirer" is a pretty vague term, anyway, and it is what you make of it, in my opinion. It doesn't _have_ to mean anything more than you tending to find fatties attractive.


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## Edens_heel (Sep 20, 2008)

It's bulk reply time! Woot! Indulge me while I run down the list, heh.

Ruby Ripples: I suppose I still disagree - the tone I get from Fascinita's post said that we were talking on different wavelengths, but oh well - c'est la vie.

Lovelyone: I agree entirely, that the term FA just doesn't feel right anymore - in fact, it feels archaic and not nearly defining enough. It does feel, first and foremost, as if it's defining a lust for an aspect of a person, and not the person as a whole. FPA could work, or if anyone else has ideas...

And yeah, I am in love, but I am writing this AFTER a long break from the site, and in coming back I have started to realize that I do feel this way - that there are some aspects to the culture that I simply don't support. It would be a dull world to have us a nation of carbon-copies, but at the same time I suppose the difficulty I have is with finding a place that serves a purpose I admire and support, but having it also juxtaposed with something I find potentially dangerous to some degree.

EllaBella: Thanks, and I think I agree - I don't believe that much of the paysite material actually supports the cause of fat acceptance, and in some ways I think my feeling is that they can potentially hinder it with some of the things I suggested... to me that feels less like fat acceptance and more like fat exploitation. I understand the empowerment aspect to it and do not dispute it, but then I see any form of pornography at it's core as exploitation, not empowerment, so I am the wrong person to make that call perhaps. Regardless, that is a personal call and I'm just stating my case.

Ashley: See above, this IS my return, heh. This comes after many months of contemplating the nature of myself and my own interests and realizing that this conflict needs resolution. Your choices don't harm me, and never once did I say anything to that effect - I have been trying to get across that I (as in me, myself, and I) feel this way and have been curious who else has had struggled with it. I am entirely able to feel that there is damage to be done to a person through intentional gaining, and that doesn't make it right or wrong. So to take it and ask how you doing things your way affects me is off-base. I have come to the conclusions that I can love someone who is fat but still want them to have a certain level of athleticism, and as a result I struggle with the nature of how we define the ever-elusive FA. That's what I was trying to get across - not that what anyone else chooses to do is wrong. sorry that you read that into it as it wasn't the intention.

Susannah: Nice to chat with you again as well! I completely agree that when children are in the mix, the equation changes dramatically. Then any gaining fantasies or things along those lines DO become a point of contention. And even if your heart is in good shape and your health is within acceptable parameters, that doesn't change the fact that you child will demand certain things from you, and it's not fair that your chosen lifestyle or fetish could adversely impact them. Well said.


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## bexy (Sep 20, 2008)

I actually had a conversation with another Dims member about this sort of topic. 
You will never see me post a set saying "Look how much I have gained" or "OMG watch me eat this whole pizza" as it is not me! And it would be fake which I don't ever want to be.
I like to think I represent myself in my pictures, myself being a confident, fat, cute, geeky, alterna girl.
Which I think is a VERY powerful statement and totally in support of Fat Acceptance.

That said, I will do fishnet, or bondage tape, animalistic or schoolgirl sets as they are fetishes/kinks I genuinely enjoy, that I know something about and am happy to represent. 

If a model enjoys eating, gaining, weighing in etc then it is entirely her choice to represent that in a set. And I believe it to be empowering. Most models have free reign on their sets and decide for themselves what to feature in them.
If it is something you dislike, then just avoid it. No one is making the models take these pictures under duress, and no one will ever make you like them under duress.

If I believe a model, or any member of these boards is talking about or doing something that is excessive or harmful, to themselves or others I will speak up, for example if children are involved, or if there is an immediately evident health risk. I have in the past and I will again in the future. 
But no matter how distasteful a topic may be to me, it won't have me running to the hills as Dims has far, far more plus than negative points.

Also, I just wanted to add there are reasons Dims is split into sub forums...Erotic Weight Gain, Hyde Park, Paysite...so you can choose what to look at and where to spend most of your time. Like Ashley, Hyde Park melts my head so I stay out but I would never give up on this entire forum because there is a board that talks non-stop about bloody politics lol!


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## Santaclear (Sep 20, 2008)

EH, as several said above, there is plenty of diversity here. There are all sorts of views in between the extremes. Also, as Fasc pointed out, you're kind of drawn to the place. That speaks a little louder than your need to come back and censure it.


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## superodalisque (Sep 20, 2008)

thanks for caring enough to actually worry about how all of this impacts BBWs. sure everyone has a choice. but its nice to know that someone is thinking about the actual consequences of things instead of only how they might benefit personally. people will do what they do no matter what. but if something really bothers you it doesn't make sense to support it. and you are entitled to your opinion like anyone else-- even if people disagree. i don't know if you are right or wrong. i'm not sure that even matters. we worry too much sometimes about pinning the right or wrong on things. its nice that you are just sharing your thoughts and giving people something to think about. 

and as for me its also nice to know there are FAs who actually worry about whether we BBWs are comfortable and care if we live or die. i know that a lot do, but don't forget to say it for those who might not have heard yet. maybe the real problem is that guys like you haven't been talking much and the other ones seem to talk a whole lot. there are times, as an SSBBW on here, when you can get the impression that all that matters is what you weigh. Never silence yourself because someone doesn't like what your saying. after all this is a forum.

i worry sometimes that a lot of the food gaining feeding talk by BBWs is not always authentic. i don't know since i'm not personally involved. i worry that its just for the sake of making money or getting attention or intimacy they think they can't get otherwise etc... the reason i'm saying that is because i have friends who are into it. a lot of my FA /Feeder friends have told me that they have met very few women who are really into it. also you find that a lot of women who have said they are into those things change over time. some regret what they did for a guy etc... some even go in for WLS. there is nothing wrong with that. some people are really into it, and then others convince themselves that they are. i think its hard to tell sometimes whats our idea or someone elses. i think that this is the place to work all of that out. but i do wish there was a lot more honesty and less posturing about it so that people could make a better choice for themselves. it would be nice to hear from the been there done that crowd. even though its been discussed before its good to know who its working for and why, and also who saw it just as a phase in their life.


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## No-No-Badkitty (Sep 20, 2008)

Edens_heel said:


> .. That is something I know I cannot be a part of if that is becoming more and more of the case.
> 
> Anyone else have any thoughts?



I have no interest in the gaining and such, and I work out and eat fairly healthy....so not BBW or SSBBW are out to gain or stuff, I guess it's just a preference for some. Me? I avoid those posts if that's not what I want to read. There are too many other good people and good posts on here to let a difference of opinion make me leave.

JM2cents


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## superodalisque (Sep 20, 2008)

PS: Person sublimination scares me too


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## Shosh (Sep 20, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> PS: Person sublimination scares me too



What do you mean when you say that Felecia? Do you mean when the person is forgotten and the physical characteristics are focused on?


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## superodalisque (Sep 20, 2008)

Susannah said:


> What do you mean when you say that Felecia? Do you mean when the person is forgotten and the physical characteristics are focused on?



thats exactly it. i love the appreciation of the physical but it loses a lot when it doesn't matter who its attached to and the circumstances. i think it makes life less special.


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## Shosh (Sep 20, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> thats exactly it. i love the appreciation of the physical but it loses a lot when it doesn't matter who its attached to and the circumstances. i think it makes life less special.



I understand and I agree.


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## Edens_heel (Sep 20, 2008)

Susannah and Superodalisque (sp?),

I completely agree that the sublimation of a person is the problem. In regards to other posts, I notice that come are still seeing this on some level as me saying I don't agree with what some choose to do with themselves. That's not really the case I started this with - it has been about me disliking the term FA for what it appears to be representing more and more, which seems to be a lust for FAT in and of itself, and not for the person carrying the weight.

Superodalisque, I think you're right in that there are probably many others who share this opinion, who do truly care about the well-being of a BBW more than what she looks like, but we do seem to be the ones keeping quiet. I've been on Dimensions for several years now, either as lurker or active participant, and it feels as of late that it's transitioning more to the FAT lust, not appreciation for the BBW's themselves, and that's where my conflict lies in essence. That is where I struggle with the nature and nomenclature of being labeled an FA - when the term FA seems to more recognize something I'm not. I think for now I'm going to ditch the term and just state plain and simple - I'm a BBW admirer. That makes so much more sense to me.

Of course this could all be rambling about simply an acronym, but seeing as it seems to mean so much in a place like this, the forums seems the best place to challenge what being an FA really means. It gets lost in the obsessions sometimes, and I can't say that doesn't distress me a bit more than I'd like. Again, to each their own.


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## Shosh (Sep 20, 2008)

Sometimes as a woman you can feel like a slab of meat in that your physical characteristics are always being assessed and judged upon. Sometimes there seems no place to hide from it, and it can cause you mental anguish.

It seems like as women we have to be in competition with each other, and we can never just be ourselves and have that be enough.

It is causing me angiush at the moment, let me just say.


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## Ash (Sep 21, 2008)

I think this is all a matter of perspective. There is a lot of content on these boards that has nothing at all to do with fat and everything to do with personalities. In fact, I'd say that on the whole we're off-topic more than we're on around here. 

Point is, I don't think it's true or fair to say that the focus has shifted from admiring fat PEOPLE to admiring FAT. There has always been a bit of detached-fat-love, but it's hardly a new phenomenon. And the vast (VAST) majority of FAs around here adore the people just as much as they adore the bodies. 

I think the reason that you're seeing fat obsession is that this is the only place, for most, that this part of them can come out. You can talk about how smart or sweet a woman is anywhere, but you can't talk about how sexy her big fat belly is or how much you love to watch her jiggle. It doesn't mean the guy loves the mind or personality any less. It just means that fat is the common thread that holds this outfit together, so it is naturally a common topic of discussion.


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## Victim (Sep 21, 2008)

I was going to say something deep and meaningful, but I just got distracted by Ashley's avatar pic.

What was the question again?


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## Lovelyone (Sep 21, 2008)

Ashley said:


> *snip*
> 
> Point is, I don't think it's true or fair to say that the focus has shifted from admiring fat PEOPLE to admiring FAT. There has always been a bit of detached-fat-love, but it's hardly a new phenomenon. And the vast (VAST) majority of FAs around here adore the people just as much as they adore the bodies.


 
Im sorry I have to play devil's advocate here, and I hate doing it cos I dont like getting flamed...but if you think that to be true, try turning on your webcam some night and advertising a belly show. Allow EVERY person who asks to view you permission...then tell them that you arent interested in showing your body. See how many of them will stick around and chat. just sayin' they dont ask to view your webcam or pay for pics on websites cos of the nice voice messages that are left. Right?


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## supersoup (Sep 21, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Im sorry I have to play devil's advocate here, and I hate doing it cos I dont like getting flamed...but if you think that to be true, try turning on your webcam some night and advertising a belly show. Allow EVERY person who asks to view you permission...then tell them that you arent interested in showing your body. See how many of them will stick around and chat. just sayin' they dont ask to view your webcam or pay for pics on websites cos of the nice voice messages that are left. Right?



why...would you do something like that?

advertise a 'belly show' and then...not have one?

i may be failing to understand your point, but i don't get this example at all.


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## Ash (Sep 21, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Im sorry I have to play devil's advocate here, and I hate doing it cos I dont like getting flamed...but if you think that to be true, try turning on your webcam some night and advertising a belly show. Allow EVERY person who asks to view you permission...then tell them that you arent interested in showing your body. See how many of them will stick around and chat. just sayin' they dont ask to view your webcam or pay for pics on websites cos of the nice voice messages that are left. Right?



I think chat is a different animal entirely, to be honest. I'm talking about the boards as a whole and the people who post regularly. 

I just hate to see so many decent, upstanding FAs lumped in with chat trolls and lurkers. 

Fat is the focus around here. That's why we're all here to begin with. But there is a lot going on on Dimensions that doesn't focus on fat bodies at all. And a lot of the threads that DO focus on fat do so in a reverent, sweet way. Look at the "Post pictures of someone lovin' on your chub" thread, for example. It's all about fat, but it's also about relationships and adoration.


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## Lovelyone (Sep 21, 2008)

sorry soup, I cant help you if you dont understand what was written. Its pretty clear that I was referring to the fact that they wouldnt stick around to chat if they cant see the fat.


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## superodalisque (Sep 21, 2008)

Ashley said:


> I think this is all a matter of perspective. There is a lot of content on these boards that has nothing at all to do with fat and everything to do with personalities. In fact, I'd say that on the whole we're off-topic more than we're on around here.
> 
> Point is, I don't think it's true or fair to say that the focus has shifted from admiring fat PEOPLE to admiring FAT. There has always been a bit of detached-fat-love, but it's hardly a new phenomenon. And the vast (VAST) majority of FAs around here adore the people just as much as they adore the bodies.
> 
> I think the reason that you're seeing fat obsession is that this is the only place, for most, that this part of them can come out. You can talk about how smart or sweet a woman is anywhere, but you can't talk about how sexy her big fat belly is or how much you love to watch her jiggle. It doesn't mean the guy loves the mind or personality any less. It just means that fat is the common thread that holds this outfit together, so it is naturally a common topic of discussion.



excellent point! and like everywhere else where similar discussions take place about other preferences a lot of times people can feel pulled down by the weight of it. no pun intended for instance if a guy belongs to a site about big breasts he might wonder if he is making too much of it. he might wonder if the women there are making too much of it. he might wonder if something is missing in the dialog. 

but unlike dims a lot of those sites don't have the same kind of acceptance component so we have a really hard balance to achieve. i think people are constantly trying to find equilibrium here. maybe thats why it works and is so large and has been so popular for so long. maybe we are one of the few sites that recognize all parts of a human being. we recongnize sexual preference, the need for fun, the need for intellectual stimulation and visual stimulation and emotional connections like friendship. but to keep the balance everybody continues to question what the borders are so that they can change as the community changes. i think thats why sites dedicated only to the sexual side of fat don't do nearly as well. they get boring. on the other hand dims works kinda like a real relationship where there is friendship and more than one part of the body can be stimulated.

i remember when i first joined 5 years ago i felt kind of overwhelmed by what i read and what dims members said to me. it took me a really long time to realize that the extremes were a small part of what dims was about. and just like you said, a lot of people were wonderful enough to understand that i was new and explained that they may have gone to a place i was not ready to go yet because they were so excited to have a place to be fully themselves. i remember that time when i think of new members. even though i do wholeheartedly believe that people should do whatever they like i also don't feel they have to do them in such a way as to chase away people who really need us. we dont want people leaving feeling worse than they did before they met us because we couldn't make them comfortable long enough so that they could understand. so if someone says we need to think about whether a small group appears to be driving the site politics we have to ask ourselves seriously if its true since acceptance is not just about us and what we want personally but about what works for most people. and what makes it even harder is knowing that what people are ready for is different with each individual.

we can't forget we have to push on the other side of the border too. people who are intolerant and narrow minded need to understand that this place belongs to everybody too. and other people have just as much of a right to their lifestyle as anyone else. if you aren't engaged in something in particular the least that can be done is to respect the people involved and maybe learn something and understand. it still very strange to me that there are times when people who are asking for acceptance seem to be the least likely to accept people who need it from them. 

big hugs!:kiss2:

PS: we still have too many people prejudging folks before they know them or their situations. i especially agree what you said about people being lumped in with chat trolls and lurkers. even then maybe we shouldn't take all of that stuff quite so personally and listen to those people and learn something. some of my most interesting and best friends used to be trolls and lurkers. some never were and were just branded as that. and then when people meet them they always ask where i was hiding them. and i say "they were there all along but you hated them before they could even open their mouths."


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## supersoup (Sep 21, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> sorry soup, I cant help you if you dont understand what was written. Its pretty clear that I was referring to the fact that they wouldnt stick around to chat if they cant see the fat.



why would they?!

if you advertise a belly show, then go 'tee hee, no show, let's all get to know each other', then of course, the people that love fat bellies on women are out. you did after all, say there was going to be a 'belly show', did you not? PLUS, it would be rather asinine of you to entrap people into a belly show, only so you could reveal you aren't showing anything, and spend the rest of the night proclaiming what pigs the people are that left.

your scenario is stupid quite frankly.


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## Observer (Sep 21, 2008)

EH, as a Grandpa who admired his first chubette in the 4th grade I know what you mean. You like a full figured girl, a BBW, because of the way she fills out her clothes as compared to the more slender (I'm being kind here and not using the the more pejorative word skinny) variety. Its a hard wired impulse that you were born with or acquired and likely don't primarily think of as being "fat" - you think of it as "attraction" because that's what it is.

After dating many such attractive girls and dealing with my own one time issues over my guilt feelings (discussed here before) in that regard I married a size 20-something girl and we're still together decades later. I've never tried to fatten her, we eat more healthily than most. and she regularly pushes me for us to go to more often to 24 Hour Fitness (where we both have lifetime memberships). Her weight is still within 20 pounds of where it was when we got married.

Why?

Because every diet she's ever tried since junior high school has been a disaster. Its not her- and after we met she finally come to to terms with it. Not that she hasn't tried 10-12 others since. Like your girlfriend the focus now is on being and staying healthy, not trying to become something she isn't and can't be happy vainly striving for.

Do I still find her body sensual and attractive? Absolutely. And she knows it - but she doesn't want me referring orally to every crease and roll. She still wishes she could be at least a size 14 or 16. But we have our careers, interests, kids and grandkids to pursue. So its a seldom discussed subject 'cause we know it isn't going to change that I like more than she does. 

The FA vs BBW terminology issue to me is just acronyms - I could add another - SA for Size Admirer. The thing you and I likely both agree on is that this fatphobic society's attitude towards women of size is something we detest. And we both have the courage of our convictions as shown by our choice of life partners. Let her know how much you love her every day by he things you do and share and it will be a terrific journey!

Oh - as for your gal's back issues: there are means of working on that issue other than diets. But that's a topic for the health forum.


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## Ash (Sep 21, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> sorry soup, I cant help you if you dont understand what was written. Its pretty clear that I was referring to the fact that they wouldnt stick around to chat if they cant see the fat.



Yes, this is what you were referring to. 

But it's a trap. You are expecting a certain behavior, so you're creating a scenario that will give you what you're looking for. I don't think that's a fair representation of the way most FAs work (again, not talking about the lurkers in chat).

So what if one of them did stick around? Would you want to talk to him or would you berate him for joining the "belly show" to begin with? I'm just wondering what the motivation would be for doing something like this in the first place.


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## Lovelyone (Sep 21, 2008)

Ashley said:


> I think chat is a different animal entirely, to be honest. I'm talking about the boards as a whole and the people who post regularly.
> 
> I just hate to see so many decent, upstanding FAs lumped in with chat trolls and lurkers.
> 
> Fat is the focus around here. That's why we're all here to begin with. But there is a lot going on on Dimensions that doesn't focus on fat bodies at all. And a lot of the threads that DO focus on fat do so in a reverent, sweet way. Look at the "Post pictures of someone lovin' on your chub" thread, for example. It's all about fat, but it's also about relationships and adoration.


 
Ahh well thank you for clearing that up for me Ashley.  And (speaking for myself) I have to say that I don't agree with you in regard to the fact that fat is the central focus for being here on the forums. IMHO...I think that fat acceptance is. The best part of the forums is hearing what others have to say and finding a little part of what you are reading that you can apply to your own life. I love reading everything that everyone says-- good, bad, ugly, pretty...sweet, kind and thoughtful. For me its more a place where I can commune with people whom have suffered the same issues, applauded their own steps forward, and learned how to accept themselves.


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## Lovelyone (Sep 21, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Yes, this is what you were referring to.
> 
> But it's a trap. You are expecting a certain behavior, so you're creating a scenario that will give you what you're looking for. I don't think that's a fair representation of the way most FAs work (again, not talking about the lurkers in chat).
> 
> So what if one of them did stick around? Would you want to talk to him or would you berate him for joining the "belly show" to begin with? I'm just wondering what the motivation would be for doing something like this in the first place.


 
It was just an example Ashley. mah I wouldnt berate him for sticking around. THAT is the one that I would want to know better.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Sep 21, 2008)

There have been some really good points made in this thread (even the contradictory ones) and so I will not rehash any of those points. I am simply going to answer you honestly, FA to FA. I am not judging anyone else, this is just my personal experience. First of all, I think there are some incredible people on this board who go by the term FA both male and female. I would include in that group some of the fetishists who post regularly.

I think for many FAs (sorry, I know you hate that term, but for the moment, it's all I've got) there is a journey involved in the experience. I would be lying if I said that I came to Dimensions with all of my thoughtfulness and empathy intact. That is not because I was heartless, it was just that figuring out that I only liked fat men and then that there were other fetishes that I had, well, it was all a bit to take in at once. Then when I found Dimensions, and realized I was not alone in having these thoughts and feelings, it took a while to get past the kid in the candy store phase, it did. I know that there are some of us who never get past that phase, but I also think that the reason there seems to be more and more "fat obsession" posts lately (and I have noticed that too) is that we are constantly getting new members and I think many of them are still at that initial phase of excitement and relief at finding this place. That does not excuse anything that upsets anyone, nor does it make it OK to dehumanize anybody else. But I really do think it's a learning curve for most, I do. I know I learned a lot once I got here, things I had never thought about since I'm not fat myself. It's made me a better FA, but I had to get here and stay here and read a lot and, sadly, it wasn't the thoughtful discussions that first brought this place to my attention. I think FAs need to be more open with each other about what unites us and, more importantly, what divides us. I am not belittling your concerns. I have them too. But I think that we are too quick to get offended by other FAs and then turn it on ourselves and say "I don't want to be lumped in with those guys!" I personally think it would be better if we instead held our ground and tried to see how many of "those guys" could actually be made into "better" FAs(I think you know what I mean, thoughtful, respectful, etc). I know I once received a PM from an FA (male) who had never posted anything to this board. Ever. Zero posts. He told me he admired all of my posts and especially liked the one I had written about my agnostic upbringing. Not exactly what you'd expect the average lurker to be doing here at Dims, reading thin female FA's posts about religion, but this man had. So maybe there are more FAs who think about things besides sex. Maybe we just need to start more FA discussions. Maybe we need to engage each other more and judge each other less.

OK, here goes. Im a weight gain fetishist (not my own, the guy's). Yep, thats right, Im one of those freaks. The thread here at Dims that most disappointed me ever was the "Fantasy to Concern" thread. For those who don't know, it was a post about a man who was confronted with his greatest fantasy in real life and it had happened to someone he knew and he was very upset by seeing the reality and felt very guilty. That would have been a good thing for the fetishist FAs to discuss openly and honestly. Sadly, it ended up a huge mess. But I know I was glad to see the original post of that thread, because the collision of fantasy and reality is what propelled me _quickly_ along my path to becoming a more empathetic FA. I had a reality check involving someone I care about. It hit me hard. I was suddenly personally horrified by what I had been fantasizing about for so long. I actually got nauseous and dizzy. I spent some serious time feeling like the biggest of monsters. I contemplated seeking professional help, I really did. This is not to say I disapprove of anyone else's fantasies, I am just explaining my personal experience. Anyway, after some serious thinking, soul searching and the support of some great people, I was able to take a deep breath and deal with myself. That was how I learned my personal boundaries. And now I know what to keep as a fantasy. It was a defining moment for me. Somehow, I doubt I am the last FA who had a reality check like that, there will always be others reaching that point here. After that realization, I became much more comfortable with being an FA and a fetishist and I learned more, read more and interacted more with other FAs male and female. And now, I spill my guts publicly (ALL THE TIME) in the hopes that it will get others to do the same, or at least think about things or realize things about themselves. Or feel less alone. 

Having said that, I don't think there is anything wrong with the Weight Board or any of the other fantasy elements here. It's an important part of figuring this out and enjoying being an FA. Not every FA needs those sections or wants them, just like not every non FA wants to look at erotica, but for those who do, I think it's nice it's there. And I think in general the attitude at Dimensions is respectful. That's what I like about this place, that it is not just for the FAs. I mean, when you think about it, how many other websites exist where the same women you see in lingerie on one page, you can then joke with in the lounge or see her views on politics and the other members actually listen? I think that's an amazing aspect of this place. We know and like and respect and interact with paysite models on the other boards here all the time and many of them are important contributors. I actually think that is a wonderful thing about Dims and much more rare then people here realize. You wouldn't usually see men admiring women's bodies in one thread and then their brains or sense of humor in another thread. I think there is a potential here with all of those elements to make a more "complete" experience and more "complete" FAs. 

Oh, and I've always been one of those people who doesn't really care about labels. I can understand that some do, but to me, as long as I know who and what I am, that's all I care about. I find the labels a convenient shorthand and don't sweat the meaning of it all much.


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## MancFA (Sep 21, 2008)

I think I can identify with a lot of the things Edens was talking about. As a teenager and coming into my own FAness, I was only considering my sexual interest and overlooked a lot of the deeper issues. Now, however, Im starting to take things a bit more seriously which is really why Ive joined dimensions. Im fully aware that fat does not categorically = unhealthy and that a persons size is down to a range of factors. But Im afraid I couldnt say the same for those who are seeking to rapidly gain weight. At the same time I do find a certain appeal in weight gain (although no where near to the extent Id indulge in feederism) and so it poses a real moral issue for me. 

In terms of my own body, I wouldnt say Im a health nut by any means but Im certainly keen to keep myself in shape and remain pretty active. Therefore, when it comes to girls, although purposeful gaining might be a bit of a turn on, it would make me feel a little guilty for enjoying it when it goes against my attitude towards my own health. Consequently, Id never let this sexual interest influence anyone to do so just for my pleasure. Obviously the decision to do so is entirely that persons choice and tbh it probably wouldnt change the way I feel about them (although I wouldnt really know having not been in that position). As for being a BBW admirer or FA, like Dr. P said above, we do tend to assign too much meaning to labels and try and place people in neat categories so that doesnt bother me so much. But ultimately, it is the BBW which I am interested in and not simply the admiration of the fat.


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## T_Devil (Sep 21, 2008)

Lots to read here. I'll try to be brief.

I understand what the OP was saying. I myself have a problem with being called a FAT Admirer. It's misleading. I admire the woman. Fat is the physical characteristic I'm attracted to. 

All of the gaining stuff and fetishistic stuff. Not my bag. People got their own lives, they live them. Their choices, their consequences, THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES. 

In this place, this "community", I choose my own level of participation. 

Everyone does.


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## Carrie (Sep 21, 2008)

T_Devil said:


> Lots to read here. I'll try to be brief.
> 
> I understand what the OP was saying. I myself have a problem with being called a FAT Admirer. It's misleading. I admire the woman. Fat is the physical characteristic I'm attracted to.
> 
> ...


You should develop messageboard succinctness software, T-Devil, where someone inputs 5 long paragraphs and the output is a few brief eloquent statements, like this post of yours. 

Hell, there are several people I'd buy it for.


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## Fascinita (Sep 21, 2008)

MancFA said:


> Im fully aware that fat does not categorically = unhealthy and that a persons size is down to a range of factors.



For my part, I'm fully aware that lack of fat does not categorically = unhealthy and that a person's size is down to a range of factors.

I think we've both just given each other lots of food for thought.


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## Edens_heel (Sep 21, 2008)

I want to thank everyone for such thoughtful posts... definitely a great deal of intellectual snack food for sampling. This is a question with no easy answer, and I can't see coming to any conclusions just yet, but nice to have some alternate subjective and objective views to the situation.

Again, thanks to everyone so far and keep it coming!


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## wrestlingguy (Sep 21, 2008)

The one thing I've learned here over the years is that we are *people first*, then we are fat people, or people who are sexually attracted to fat people, or we are politically inclined, or we are very religious, or we are trolls, or the many other things that make us who we are.

We are also all here, and I love that.


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## olwen (Sep 21, 2008)

Edens_heel said:


> ... Rather a BBW Admirer.
> 
> Permit me to explain: I used to be somewhat active on Dimensions, but in recent months my attendance has dwindled to almost nothing. I've been struggling with why it is I came here in the first place, what it means to be an FA, and all things related to my nature and desire to do my part for size acceptance.
> 
> ...





Edens_heel said:


> I want to thank everyone for such thoughtful posts... definitely a great deal of intellectual snack food for sampling. This is a question with no easy answer, and I can't see coming to any conclusions just yet, but nice to have some alternate subjective and objective views to the situation.
> 
> Again, thanks to everyone so far and keep it coming!



If it helps any, I think these sorts of discussions probably apply to any extreme fetish. 

If you aren't familiar with BDSM, allow me to use it as an example and try to explain, and if you do, please just bear with me.

In the BDSM world there are two phenomena called Top Drop and Sub Drop. The Drop refers to how a top and a sub might feel after a particularly demanding, intense, or brutal scene. It involves feelings of guilt on the Top's part where he/she thinks "how could I have been so cruel? How could I have inflicted such cruelty on someone? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm a monster, but the rush was soooo good. I can't wait to do it again and the wait will be aaaagony" and a sub might think "What the hell is wrong with me how could I have enjoyed such cruelty? How could I have let someone treat me like that? But the rush was sooooo good. I can't wait to do it again and the wait will be aaaagony."

These are issues that BDSM communities talk about and explore and share. It helps to have a forum to post on or a meeting to go to where you can safely discuss such emotional issues. I actually went to a very good lecture a few months ago by a Dom who's been in the lifestyle for 20 years and he spent a good deal of time on how to cope with the guilt and reconcile one's feelings. Needless to say it's a process.

Anyway, the things we all keep coming back to, the mantra we tend to repeat over and over is "safe sane and consensual." It takes a while, sometimes years, decades in the scene to fully understand what that really means. Some decide it's too much to deal with or that the inner politics is fucked up and quit the scene altogether. Some quit - and then come back. Some just adapt and try to be positive examples....I'm rambling i think...the point is there is so much variety to what we all do...I may not be into all forms of edge play, in fact some things kind of horrify me and I admit I don't have the ovaries to even go there, and some just plain don't play in ways I think are safe, but that's their choice, and I still feel an affinity to those people. For all the differences some of us do attempt to understand each other and be respectful when the different BDSM philosophies clash. 

Even if the consequences of someone's play ends up as front page news that will make non-players have knee jerk reactions, and make me cringe thinking about what other people might think of me as a result, I will still nod my head knowingly and remember to remind people who aren't into it that we are all different and if I need to talk to another player about it it's good to know I have a community I can turn to...all-in-all I don't worry too much about what other players do. I can't. Too much variety. Who am I to say: "You're doing it wrong?" I can ask them about it and try to understand or just decide I'm not ready to understand it yet and just do what I do.

I'm not sure any of that was clear or that I said what I meant, but does any of that resonate?


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## Victim (Sep 22, 2008)

It's hard to hear the voice of reason when each of your testicles are screaming "ME FIRST!"...


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## Fascinita (Sep 22, 2008)

Edens_heel said:


> I want to thank everyone for such thoughtful posts... definitely a great deal of intellectual snack food for sampling. This is a question with no easy answer, and I can't see coming to any conclusions just yet, but nice to have some alternate subjective and objective views to the situation.
> 
> Again, thanks to everyone so far and keep it coming!



Edens,

What's the scoop on your views after reading these replies? Changes? No? It'd be nice to hear some of what you're thinking in response.

Thanks.


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## Edens_heel (Sep 22, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Edens,
> 
> What's the scoop on your views after reading these replies? Changes? No? It'd be nice to hear some of what you're thinking in response.
> 
> Thanks.



Hey hey one and all,

Overall I'm impressed with the scope of replies I've gotten so far. I've found that Superodalisque, Observer, and Dr. P Marshall have all touched on the question I asked from different perspectives, and it's helped me to wonder just what it is that irks me as of late - the title and being lumped in under one conceptual umbrella as a result, or the existence of the "other", which in this case is the distaste I've felt towards certain aspects of fat/bbw admiration/obsession.

I can definitely understand the concept of guilt in the scenarios presented. I can say without doubt, though, that any guilt I have ever felt is not a result of what society may deem as "ideal" in regards to how much a woman should weigh, but more as a reflection of my past (years spent struggling with an eating disorder) and coming to terms with that and how my interests or issues are reflected in what it is I truly desire in a partner - mainly, questioning "well why is it that I desire this in someone but despise it in myself?" The question being there more than anything to challenge how to surpass my own self-judgment.

As MancFA and Dr. P. Marshall have stated, and I agree, there is too much emphasis placed on the terms we use to define ourselves. I don't have an answer to that myself other than to choose to eschew labels altogether. Foget being an FA - I love what I love and I'd rather it not be lumped under an acronym for the sake of collecting a mindset or following or passion under one easy to spell idea.

T Devil: Thanks. You pretty much hit the nail on the head as succinctly as possible. I need to learn to do the same (as evidenced by the narratives I force you all to read).

In all, the only responses I can't say i'm thrilled with are Victim's - come on, give us something to work with!


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## Victim (Sep 22, 2008)

LOL, I'm just trying to point out that we just can't help what we are attracted to, no matter how we try and place our reasoning mind over our animal instincts. 

We can't chase down EVERYONE we see to try and find out if they are our ideal mates. There has to be some basis for initial (and hopefully mutual) attraction in order for us to reach the point where we search for more. 

"To deny our impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human" -- Mouse, The Matrix


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## Elfcat (Sep 22, 2008)

I could be complicated, but I would say that I'm not sure if one needs to call oneself "not an FA" just because one's interpretations of it don't conform exactly to others.

Hey, I like a fat women who demonstrates that she is healthy and active, but I also get turned on by the vision of a struggle to get through a door. Life is a dialectical thing...


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## MisticalMisty (Sep 22, 2008)

Everything I would have said has pretty much been said..but I just wanted to point out again that FA is a label. You can choose to use the label or not.

For instance, society would label me as a ssbbw because I'm 400 + pounds. I, however, choose not to use that label and I just say I'm a fat girl. 

It's all about perspective really. We like what we like...Different strokes for different folks.

You've gotta take Dimensions for what it is...an online community that has a huge membership and each of those members have their own agenda...needs..wants..desires..etc. Visit the parts you like...ignore the rest


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## mergirl (Sep 23, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I just have a problem with the fact that a minor child is involved in the picture.
> When you have a child, you have responsibilities towards that child, and the whole gaining issue should not be encouraged and enabled.
> 
> No child? Well do what you like. Even If I do not agree with it, it is your life and your decision. Have a child? No.
> ...


 
I think this is dangerous territory. Its almost like saying people who gain weight intentionally should have thier children taken from them. If so then where does it end? Once people get to a certain weight thier children should get taken from them?
what about smokers or other addicts?
Putting a child into care is a last resort and even people who are alcoholics and drug users are offered help and resorces to make it possible for them to keep thier children, if its not to the childs detroment of course. Because care homes can actually be worse than living in a bad family situation. 
i agree, though that to do something that might make you unable to care for a child is extremely selfish.. There is then the argument that "gainerism" (is that the correct term) is a sexuality which is impossible/difficult to repress such as gender sexuality.. in which case its not just about a "who cares as long as i'm sexually satisfied" but is about an internal yearning to change ones body. Perhaps even a form of body dysmorphia..
Anyway my point being, everyone is entitled to thier oppinion just as everyone in entitled to live thier lives as they chose. Though i do like the pagan mantra "harm none, do as you will".






bexylicious said:


> You will never see me post a set saying "Look how much I have gained" or "OMG watch me eat this whole pizza" as it is not me! And it would be fake which I don't ever want to be.
> !



"


superodalisque said:


> i worry sometimes that a lot of the food gaining feeding talk by BBWs is not always authentic. i don't know since i'm not personally involved. i worry that its just for the sake of making money or getting attention or intimacy they think they can't get otherwise etc... ---""
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Shosh (Sep 23, 2008)

Mer,

We are not talking about a person who gains weight in general. We are talking about a person who is deliberately wanting to gain excessive amounts of weight. 
Sorry but that is irresponsible when one has a child to care for.

No child? Go nuts and do whatever you want. It is your life. 

I dont think one should allow their sexual fetish to effect the life of a child.

Children do not ask to be born and parents have responsibilities.


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## mergirl (Sep 23, 2008)

Susannah said:


> Mer,
> 
> We are not talking about a person who gains weight in general. We are talking about a person who is deliberately wanting to gain excessive amounts of weight.
> Sorry but that is irresponsible when one has a child to care for.
> ...


See thats what i'm saying. Its not quite that black and white. Perhaps gainers see gaining as a sexuality and not a fetish. What if someone gaines intentionally to 400lbs and someone unintentionally to 500lbs ..should either not have the right to have a child?
Some people have actually had thier children taken from them for being fat (there was a case a few years ago in scotland that i remember) and i remember at the time people were saying this woman was more or less committing child abuse and that she "chose" to get that fat, even though she wasnt a "gainer". You see where my problem lies in the fact that this issue is far from black and white?.


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## Shosh (Sep 23, 2008)

mergirl said:


> See thats what i'm saying. Its not quite that black and white. Perhaps gainers see gaining as a sexuality and not a fetish. What if someone gaines intentionally to 400lbs and someone unintentionally to 500lbs ..should either not have the right to have a child?
> Some people have actually had thier children taken from them for being fat (there was a case a few years ago in scotland that i remember) and i remember at the time people were saying this woman was more or less committing child abuse and that she "chose" to get that fat, even though she wasnt a "gainer". You see where my problem lies in the fact that this issue is far from black and white?.




Well the authorities do not have the right to take children from fat parents.
People gain weight, that is not the issue.

Once again, once children are part of any equation, parents have to do what is in their best interests regardless of what their sexuality or fetish may be.

As a former teacher in the Early Childhood field, I saw the end result over the years of children that had suffered as a result of the behaviour of parents in all sorts of ways.
I have compassion for people, but that does not extend to enablement.

I just find this so frustrating. I am done trying to explain it.


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## mergirl (Sep 23, 2008)

Susannah said:


> Well the authorities do not have the right to take children from fat parents.
> People gain weight, that is not the issue.
> 
> Once again, once children are part of any equation, parents have to do what is in their best interests regardless of what their sexuality or fetish may be.
> ...


Sorry that your frustrated. The authorities did take her kids away from her because she was fat!. I think part of the problem was that her children had to act as her carer which was deemed inapropriate. I was pretty angry at that as i'm sure more help could have been put in place. But happen it did. i would look this up but i cant remember what the womans name was, though she was in a docu and i read later in the papers that she had died.
Also on the subject, someone might have gained lots of weight (intentionally)and THEN had a child.. oh there are so many ins and outs and grey areas that there isnt a simple answer..
Anyway,,i think the child issue is going kinna off the track of the initial thred..If we start another one i suggest hyde park cause its a really contentious issue!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 23, 2008)

susieQ said:


> i dont think you should avoid a community just because it has diversity.
> 
> thats iike avoiding society. :blink:



True dat...you are going to run into things you don't like in every part of the world...on the net or IRL. 
If you can see....hell, or even DO, more good than bad, then it's a good day, IMHO. 



Ella Bella said:


> I think that Dimensions is a very mixed bag





Lovelyone said:


> I suggest that we change it to FPA (fat person admirer)
> 
> I am not a fetishist..or a feeder/feedee but I have gained insight about myself from the posts that are presented here. I hope that in some way, so have you.



I like FPA, too 

And yeah, there is something for everyone here, I do believe.



Ella Bella said:


> I'm not a paysite model but in regards to your "I ate a whole pizza comment", I think a lot of times that's an attention getter. Its easy to type I ate a whole pizza, take a picture with a whole pizza in front of you and take several pictures with the pizza diminishing while you've really only eaten one piece.



Lol, glad to see I'm not the only one that doesn't believe the hype  




superodalisque said:


> t*hanks for caring enough to actually worry about how all of this impacts BBWs.* sure everyone has a choice. but its nice to know that someone is thinking about the actual consequences of things instead of only how they might benefit personally. people will do what they do no matter what. but if something really bothers you it doesn't make sense to support it. and you are entitled to your opinion like anyone else-- even if people disagree. i don't know if you are right or wrong. i'm not sure that even matters. we worry too much sometimes about pinning the right or wrong on things. * its nice that you are just sharing your thoughts and giving people something to think about.
> *
> *and as for me its also nice to know there are FAs who actually worry about whether we BBWs are comfortable and care if we live or die. i know that a lot do, but don't forget to say it for those who might not have heard yet. maybe the real problem is that guys like you haven't been talking much and the other ones seem to talk a whole lot. * there are times, as an SSBBW on here, when you can get the impression that all that matters is what you weigh. *Never silence yourself because someone doesn't like *


*

Spot on....if you don't like what might seem to be a majorative way of thinking....then show the other side of the coin. The world never has enough love/care/concern for everyone in it....so if you have some, then you definitely need to donate  :bow: 



Susannah said:



Sometimes as a woman you can feel like a slab of meat in that your physical characteristics are always being assessed and judged upon. Sometimes there seems no place to hide from it, and it can cause you mental anguish.

It seems like as women we have to be in competition with each other, and we can never just be ourselves and have that be enough.

It is causing me angiush at the moment, let me just say.

Click to expand...


Just want to say, though, that you are correct in this but it's not a condition known only to fat women. Thin women do it, too. Some women cut each other more than any man could.....that is a big problem, IMO. 
One of the things I like about this place? I love it when I see a woman speaking up for another one.....that is something I have not seen much of in my life....the world needs more of it. 



To the childcare issue: I can see both sides of what you are saying....I think you are BOTH correct. 
Seems like the need to police YOURSELF could be the best option....but if you don't, who has the right to decide how much is enough?*


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 23, 2008)

Edens_heel said:


> I think the straw that broke the camel's back for me was a looong time ago, when a thoughtful and, to me, important post was made by Susannah regarding the nature of the pay site board and her personal issues towards it.
> 
> But what I'm finding, and that this is leaving me feeling somewhat lost in the sea of Dimensions, is that the purposeful gaining, the posts that start with "look how much I've gained!" or "Watch me down an entire family pizza!", are leaving me feeling cold to the cause, that I'm finding that the term FA is becoming synonymous with literally just that for some people: Fat lust. Not admiration for the person or the whole, but for the jiggle, folds, dimples, cellulite, etc. And I find that the more I think about that, the more I struggle to want to call myself an FA.



I understand what you're saying, and my gut reaction was to agree with it. Don't objectify women. Look at personality first. Don't love just the fat. It sounds great but, it's not that simple. When looking for a partner, I completely understand what you're saying. You can't develop a relationship based on physical attraction only, nor is it right to do so. But, as for the pay site board and the web models - this idea pretty much contradicts their purpose. Whether you look at the pay side board as porn or as pin-ups or whatever else, it's there to be looked at. It's there for pleasure. People don't join those sites so that they can get to know a girls personality better. I think those girls realize that. This isn't just true for the pay site board here and for BBW models - it's true for anyone that is in the "adult" industry. I realize there are plently of people here that don't watch porn or look at pinups, and don't approve of those - however, I personally have no objections to it and I think most people don't. Honestly, to try and say that it's not right to objectify those girls..that's just..ridiculous. It's going to happen when you have pictures posted on a porn/pinup site in which you're half naked. To think that the people who view those are trying to get to know you better is just silly. Yeah, that's fat lust..is there anything wrong with that? I guess it's up to you to decide that for yourself, but to say it's wrong for everyone is something totally different. 



Edens_heel said:


> I love that my girl is a confident and sexy BBW, and we are incredibly happy together, but I find there are just too many aspects to extreme weights and purposeful gaining that warp the idea of what I thought an FA was that I just don't know how to support the concept anymore. I am entirely for size acceptance in all it's forms, but this struggle is there and it is growing as I get older. In the end, what I'm realizing is that the act of fat admiration seems to be taking over a sect of the Dimensions population to the point where it's no longer about the person, just the fat. That is something I know I cannot be a part of if that is becoming more and more of the case.



I look at the term FA in a really general way. The things that you're describing, in my mind, are not associated with being an FA..they're associated more with certain fetishes. Not every FA has these fetishes and not everyone that has some of these fetishes, has them all. I don't think FA's can all be grouped together with the assumption that they all like ______ (insert whatever scenario/fetish you want.) It can't be said that every single FA enjoys certain things because everyone is an individual and has different likes and dislikes. Basically, in short, everyone gets off to different stuff. I think it's a little silly to either "support" or "not support" the concept of being an FA. In my mind, you are an FA, by the most basic definition, because you prefer partners who are fat. I don't think there's anything to "support" because being an FA isn't like..a cause. You either are or you aren't. In short, you should just stop associating those things with being an FA because they don't necessarily have to be.


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## Jack Skellington (Sep 23, 2008)

Edens_heel said:


> ... Rather a BBW Admirer.



If you feel more comfortable calling yourself a BBW admirer than an FA, I really don't see anything wrong with that. What's ever a better fit for you.


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## IrishBard (Sep 23, 2008)

you've really thought this one through, and half of me agrees with you (the other half of me is a bit of a pervert and a bit of a lecher, as with all men who have gone without sex for *6 MONTHS! *)

:bow:


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## Ichida (Sep 24, 2008)

I feel the SAMMEEEE way.

As a very active and fit FFA the thought of personally dating someone who is too unfit for a brisk walk is unappealing. I love the guy im with and he has slowly put on weight over the years through hearty and healthy foods. He is an electrician so he moves around all day and stays firm (other than his tummy hehe)

Although I find it very exciting to watch him eat far more than he should occasionally or look at me with puppy dog eyes for another desert, the thought of him gorging at every meal, gaining hundreds of punds and loosing all muscle tone does nothing for me. I recently had a guy pm me saying he wants me to help him gain 400 lbs. I was like.....first of all im a taken girl, secondly...even if i wasn't....no...thats far too much for me...I think you need to find a feedee whos into that.

I know I am into fatter guys. But not all fat guys. And sometimes I may get a purely physical reaction and no emotional spark of attraction. But my boy is barely chubby *lost weight* and i wouldn't trade him for a bigger boy. 

I have noticed an influx of younger members, who are going through the "CRAZY" stage - they can gain a 100 lbs and loose it and settle into their middle ground. At 21 theyy don't have that respect for long life many older ladies and gents develop with time. Many are just exploring fat acceptance and they are testing the waters. Many THINK they want a SSBHM for example, but will find that they actually prefer a boy with just a spare tire.


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## QuantumXL (Sep 29, 2008)

Edens you surely are not alone on this journey of yours. Evie and I have been through some thick and thin with this subject, and a lot of FA's or Skinny Activist tend to be against atleast one or more things in our opinion. I am becoming a doctor so i understand where you are coming from, and she is a SSBBW so i understand VERY well. LOL Don't worry, if you feel lonely hit me up dude. I wouldn't Really call my self a FA, but i do, and im a selective FA. Since i do like SSBBW's and i do love my fiance. Look keep your head up, accept what you know you accept and don't let others change your mind. Keep that frame of mind. A FA isn't just one definition. Its just a group of people and gives you the title of liking a type of person. Not necessarily following ALL of their ways. Don't feel out of place, Be yourself.


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