# married FA men who approach me



## olivefun (Dec 22, 2005)

I know this isn't a new situation.

I meet many wonderful FA men in the dim chat and here. One thing an alarming number of them have in common, is the situation of being a FA, married to a woman with whom he has no sexual intimacy. They lead great lives, have wonderful children and homes, but look to get their erections elsewhere.

Many of them are married to women who are slim now.

Some of the wives started that way, some became thinner later on.

I understand that there are some men that didn’t know they preferred fat women until years into their marriage. Some are still in the closet.

Some have jobs where they feel they need to have a not-BBW woman on their arm (or in their homes). It is their perceived societal pressures, but ok.

My slimmer friends the same age as me don't have the same track record with being approached by married -but -not-intimate-with partners.

I meet men like this in bars too.

Just wondering if it is me, or a function of being a big fat woman.
Am I the only one who notices this trend? Coincidence?

I don’t feel comfortable dating, or sleeping with a man who has a woman at home. It is not equal. They always have someone on the side. They have 2 incomes (sometimes) or someone to do their laundry, and they don’t feel alone.

They tell me they share the loneliness that I sometimes grapple with, but you know, I don’t think it is at all close.

I only have myself to lean on. they have someone, so how can they feel the same level of vulnerability? If something dreadful would happen to them, they have someone who will pick up the pieces, however grudgingly.

Interesting.

Thought I would throw this out there and see what insights I can elicit


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## swamptoad (Dec 22, 2005)

My wife just read this. She totally agrees with you. She's had many of the same experiences as you.


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## olivefun (Dec 22, 2005)

Your wife read it and showed it to you? that is a good sign, at least there is communication in your marriage..
I wonder what the deal is, why it is so crazy out there with this.
Thanks though


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## ConnieLynn (Dec 22, 2005)

I get hit on by married FAs with that same routine, but honestly skinny gals get it too with the "I've been married for years and my wife changed" story. Bottom line, I tell them I am a greedy girl and don't share a man. Besides who wants a faithless man who cheats because of physical changes. Does that mean if I lose a breast to cancer he's out the door? 

Or as a single guy friend of mine says, those married guys got their gal and shouldn't be dipping into the pool of women that should be reserved for the single men


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## altered states (Dec 22, 2005)

I'm in a long term realtionship with someone who's a BW, without the first B. Her weight has gone up and down over the years, but I'd say any adjective beyond "chunky" would be pushing it. We met when I was 18 and friendship turned into something much stronger within the first hour I knew her. I've known I was an FA since kindergarten and I dated fat women before her, but love isn't always logical like that. We're still in love, and lust, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't prefer her with another 100 pounds, or more, and I do troll the internet and other places for BBW-related kicks. Thing is, I don't really think that's much different than the 99% of non-FA, supermodel-worshipping men who do the same. Many men have wide-ranging lusts that can never be satisfied by one woman, no matter how "perfect." Look at all the Dimensions forums regulars who are married to specimens from an FA's wildest dreams who still spend countless hours here, checking out photos. 

Anyway, in a serious, long-term relationship I don't believe sex with one's partner has much to do with how close they are to one's "ideal," but with the true emotional attachment they have with each other. Many couples and families are arrangements for a variety of purposes, whether social or economic or for convenience. I've met big women on this site and elsewhere and I've been tempted to approach them but I agree that it's shitty behavior and can't come to any good end for either the FA, his family, or the "other" woman. Everyone feels trapped sometimes by circumstances and a commitment to a relationship can be tough but so are many things in life that are worthwhile.


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## Seth Warren (Dec 22, 2005)

Dan Savage (paraphrasing) once wrote that cheating can be a survivable part of a relationship, not one that ends the deal. This is, of course, from the standpoint that monogamy is the ideal.

Anybody looking to just get it on because they can't find carnal satisfaction in their long-term relationship is just trouble. However, if all parties are aware of what it going on, it can't be called cheating (not accurately anyhow).

Also, I think that it's unfair to compare weight loss to cancer (though weight-loss can be caused by cancer). Cancer is something people generally don't want - and if one were to be disfigured by that, one would hope that there would be an element of sympathy and understanding about the situation.

Let's assume a woman is losing weight not because she has cancer but because she's thinking she'll be making herself more attractive/feel better/etc. If she's married, who exactly does she think she's making herself more attractive for? Herself? Okay, I can buy that; self-image is important. Her husband? If he's an "out" FA, that's a slap in the face, if he's in the closet, maybe this couple needs to work on their communication. Other fish in the sea? Hmmmmmm...

Overall, relationships are troublesome because people are troublesome - just masses of hormones and desires walking around with little or no supervision.


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## BBW Betty (Dec 22, 2005)

tres huevos said:


> Anyway, in a serious, long-term relationship I don't believe sex with one's partner has much to do with how close they are to one's "ideal," but with the true emotional attachment they have with each other. ....I've met big women on this site and elsewhere and I've been tempted to approach them but I agree that it's shitty behavior and can't come to any good end for either the FA, his family, or the "other" woman. Everyone feels trapped sometimes by circumstances and a commitment to a relationship can be tough but so are many things in life that are worthwhile.



Bravo! Just wanted to let you know I thought this was good.

Some men--and some women--just don't seem to have the sense of commitment or decency, and will try to get whatever they can, whenever they can.


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## Michelle (Dec 22, 2005)

Seth Warren said:


> Overall, relationships are troublesome because people are troublesome...


 
Such a simple truth.


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## ConnieLynn (Dec 22, 2005)

tres huevos said:


> I've met big women on this site and elsewhere and I've been tempted to approach them but I agree that it's shitty behavior and can't come to any good end for either the FA, his family, or the "other" woman. Everyone feels trapped sometimes by circumstances and a commitment to a relationship can be tough but so are many things in life that are worthwhile.



Well said.


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## Still a Skye fan (Dec 22, 2005)

Hmmm...interesting topic.

Yeah, I agree relationships are complicated beasties.

I've been an FA since I hit puberty (age 13 or so) and never realized it was okay to like larger women until I stumbled upon this site a number of years ago.

I'm not married, though I'd like to be someday. I met a very sweet BBW about a year ago (January 2005), did lots of dating, had lots of conversations, tried to really get to know her but it didn't work out.

Anyway, I don't go after anyone with rings on their fingers, in fact, I met the girl online...I haven't the foggiest idea how to meet people otherwise. I don't cheat and I'd never take up with a married gal. That's not me.

So, the point to all my rambling? Yeah, there are guys (and women) out there who don't know what they want.

There are also decent folks who don't have stories or come-ons to share.
I just want to meet someone I can love and be happy with, that's it. 

Yeah, we're still out here...


Dennis


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## olivefun (Dec 22, 2005)

think this phenomenon has anything to do with some FA still being in the closet? not wanting others to know they desire the big fat BEFORE picture in the dieting advertisement?


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## Webmaster (Dec 22, 2005)

olivefun said:


> I understand that there are some men that didnt know they preferred fat women until years into their marriage. Some are still in the closet.



I think this is a very large art of it, and for the people involved it is a tragedy. When we are young, there is tremendous societal, peer, and family pressure to date whatever those around us deem best, and that is generally not a fat girl. Add to that the inherent confusion most young FAs feel to begin with, and it's easy to see why many end up in marriages with women that are not what they have always longed for.

So a lot of FAs find themselves with a thin or average-size wife, one they quite possibly love very much, and with families they love and could never leave. Yet, eventually it dawns on them that there is this unfilled need and desire that goes way beyond simply wanting to stray. Few women understand the power of the FA orientation and what it means to us. It is far more than the preference for a blonde or brunette that we often use as an example. Yet, most women will dismiss it as something superficial and unimportant. It is not. Not to us. That is just the way it is.

So those men resist, but resisting year after year after year can extract quite a toll. A mistake had been made, and they see no way of fixing it, no way out. They hate themselves, resolve to drive away those needs and desires, and yet they do not go away, ever. The result is what you described. It manifests itself in many different ways. It's always a tragedy. There's duty, there's the right thing to do, but is it really the right thing?

When I started Dimensions, one of my goals was to create a place where FA feelings can be openly discussed precisely for this reason, and to perhaps help some young men realize that their preference is valid and to keep inherently doomed relationships from happening.


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## olivefun (Dec 22, 2005)

Conrad, I appreciate your point. 

I understand the concept.

I am glad you created a place for FAs to exist and be appreciated. I for one would rather not be an animal in the zoo. Sometimes I feel like a speciment. "so have you always been fat" "if you would put on 20 lbs, would you be ok with that?"

I am glad to be seen as a multifaceted jewel, when that is happens.

There are men who are married to women who aren't having real relationships. They _ play _married. They go to functions as the Mr& Mrs.
The secretly FA men obviously need to be loved and appreciated and need some balance.

What ends up happening is that the single fat women end up taking more of the emotional slack. In what should be an empowering situation, they end up feeling like they are not worthy of being the one-and-only.
That is how they are often treated.
The men often make no apologies about having no intention of leaving the wives.

Is this the evolution of Fat Acceptance?

In a culture that accepts gay marriage, can't we accept fat marriage?

The pressures we face as fat single women with unhappily married men, (who's wife is ok with him getting it onwith fat women so they don't HAVE TO have sex with) are very complex and different.

There is so much inherent pain.

Is it a question of Fat Acceptance?

Perhaps.


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## Jane (Dec 22, 2005)

If gay men can marry women and only later accept the fact they are gay (thus making at least two people miserable), why wouldn't it be the same with any orientation, proclivity or preference?

How long has it taken many of us "big-boned gals" (okay, so the bones would be like a dinosaurs, but that's beside the point) to accept that this is just the way we are?


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## EtobicokeFA (Dec 22, 2005)

Jane said:


> If gay men can marry women and only later accept the fact they are gay (thus making at least two people miserable), why wouldn't it be the same with any orientation, proclivity or preference?
> 
> How long has it taken many of us "big-boned gals" (okay, so the bones would be like a dinosaurs, but that's beside the point) to accept that this is just the way we are?



Because, no matter how bad it is on you when your partner leave between they discover they are gay. How would you feel if they leave you because you are not fat enough?


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## olivefun (Dec 22, 2005)

EtobicokeFA said:


> Because, no matter how bad it is on you when your partner leave between they discover they are gay. How would you feel if they leave you because you are not fat enough?




Are you kidding?
Breaking up is painful no matter what.
You think it would be more of a hurt to be left because you aren't fat enough?

Isn't it all the same, *needs and desires no longer matching?*

Isn't it better to just be true to your feelings?

:doh:


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## exile in thighville (Dec 22, 2005)

Seth Warren said:


> Dan Savage (paraphrasing) once wrote that cheating can be a survivable part of a relationship, not one that ends the deal. This is, of course, from the standpoint that monogamy is the ideal.
> 
> Anybody looking to just get it on because they can't find carnal satisfaction in their long-term relationship is just trouble. However, if all parties are aware of what it going on, it can't be called cheating (not accurately anyhow).
> 
> ...



excellent commentary and i agree with every last syllable


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## EtobicokeFA (Dec 22, 2005)

olivefun said:


> Are you kidding?
> Breaking up is painful no matter what.
> You think it would be more of a hurt to be left because you aren't fat enough?
> 
> ...



*No!*:doh: I think that you will be considered more selfish and bad by leaving someone because they are not fat enough.


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## altered states (Dec 22, 2005)

Webmaster said:


> When I started Dimensions, one of my goals was to create a place where FA feelings can be openly discussed precisely for this reason, and to perhaps help some young men realize that their preference is valid and to keep inherently doomed relationships from happening.



Lots to think about here.... It was in Dimensions where I saw the first serious discussion of what I was, what I knew myself to be since I was 4 years old. Prior to that, every depiction of guys who felt like I did was in a mocking context. My parents thought I was literally nuts, my friends gave me shit, and "Chubby chaser" was the only phrase I ever knew to describe myself (not exactly something you want to hold a pride parade for). I think all FAs of a certain age here recall what it's like to grow up as someone whose very nature is taken as a big joke, and what that does to your self esteem and judgement, not to mention your relationships with women fat and thin.


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## olivefun (Dec 22, 2005)

When you leave someone because you would rather your lover had a penis, and if you leave someone because you wish she had a big belly, thighs and more flesh, isn't it a question of anatomy?

I see it as being the same thing.

Do you think it is different?
Obviously you do, but I am curious about this.


Sex is a part of couple-dom. If you aren't having sex, then you aren't really having a marriage, in my books anyway. If you cannot have sex with your partner, isn't it better to cut them loose so they could find someone to really connect with?

Is it ok to be room mates and pretend to be a couple?
Impersonating a married person

I really have no idea, but am finding it a perplexing thing to consider.


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## Tarella (Dec 22, 2005)

I have been a regular to Dimensions since 1998 and throughout this time I have spoken with many men who happen to be in the situation you are talking about Olive. I also know many women who have been in counterpart roles to these men. I don't think that this is specific only to the FA/BBW population but it seems to affect the broader society. That being said, I have listened to many FA's, some of them good friends, who have found themselves married to not their perfect sexual match. 

I truly feel for these men. They wrestle with their sexual attractions and needs on a daily basis. They are caught between two worlds: one in which they are to continue to be the family man and provider for their chosen family, another which seems to haunt them into the BBW erotica world for sexual satisfaction, and more deeper into adulterous relationships that only seem to add to their guilt and pain. I don't cast judgement for I do not live their lives; however, it really angers me at times when I think of the pain that societal pressures have caused for BBW's and their admirers. 

I don't condone married FAs' behavior of reaching out to BBWs, but I understand it. Married men who become emotionally involved with a woman, can truly hurt that woman with a long list empty promises of 'maybe someday we will....', 'when I get brave enough..', 'when the timing is right....' and 'if and when...'. The horrible part is when they ask (not necessarily verbally that directly but perhaps by putting emotional carrots out in front of that woman) the woman to hold on and place her life on hold for him, truly doing a disservice to the woman.She ends up spending her valuable time hoping for someone who is unavailable when she could be going out and having fun in her own life. I also feel that though it may be hard for her, that woman needs to also realize that she is also to blame for allowing that relationship to continue. She has the power to do what she wants in her own life. Often times though the BBW is just finally so happy to have a great man's (though married or attached) attention and love. 

Going through my own situation I have chatted with some great guys in that exact situation. It's a real tragedy. All involved usually experience pain. Often it's a lose lose lose situation. No one really wins. It also keeps some of these lovely BBW's occupied with a married man, versus, in the available dating pool for many of the single and looking-for-love FA's (short changing them as well).

I think it is really hard for FA's, married and unmarried to speak about this topic. Even here its hard for them to open up and speak their minds because many people don't listen and immediately start condemming them for being honest about their feelings. I think that is unjust as well. Just as unjust as someone ridiculing a fat woman for the way she is physically.

I dont know the answers. I feel for all of those involved in this type of situation. The BBW, the Married FA, the Spouse of the Married FA, the Family of the Married FA, and the FA's who have less women in their dating pool because of the situation.

Perhaps we should all really try hard to socialize our children, and the people in our lives to be more size tolerant and to encourage our society to change to a more tolerant one, in which guys and girls can freely explore their preferences during the teenage dating years without having to hide or deny their preferences. Perhaps then there might be less unfulfilled BBWs and Married FA's.....then again....perhaps not*shrugs*

Just my thoughts,

Tara


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 22, 2005)

tres huevos said:


> Anyway, in a serious, long-term relationship I don't believe sex with one's partner has much to do with how close they are to one's "ideal," but with the true emotional attachment they have with each other. Many couples and families are arrangements for a variety of purposes, whether social or economic or for convenience. I've met big women on this site and elsewhere and I've been tempted to approach them but I agree that it's shitty behavior and can't come to any good end for either the FA, his family, or the "other" woman. Everyone feels trapped sometimes by circumstances and a commitment to a relationship can be tough but so are many things in life that are worthwhile.




So true. And often people are not honest with either themselves or their partners about what they truly want from the relationship.


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## olivefun (Dec 23, 2005)

Tarella said:


> Perhaps we should all really try hard to socialize our children, and the people in our lives to be more size tolerant and to encourage our society to change to a more tolerant one, in which guys and girls can freely explore their preferences during the teenage dating years without having to hide or deny their preferences. Perhaps then there might be less unfulfilled BBWs and Married FA's.....then again....perhaps not*shrugs*
> 
> Just my thoughts,
> 
> Tara



Tara, your considerate response is wonderfully thought provoking.

I have no anger towards anyone, except maybe for those that conspire to trick us. I understand why people are in this position, but wonder if the issue has been explored really.

I get really frustrated by the numbers of men I know that lead these double lives and want some kind of "other" relationship with me. 

I would love to read responses from some men who are in these relationships...or maybe from those that desire this...

Size tolerance is clearly the long term answer, but that will take time. I get slammed when I ask people in chat rooms if the man is married before chatting at all with them in private.

In this context, online, we cannot see the ring, or the tan line from where the ring was removed and hidden.


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## Webmaster (Dec 23, 2005)

olivefun said:


> Size tolerance is clearly the long term answer, but that will take time. I get slammed when I ask people in chat rooms if the man is married before chatting at all with them in private.



Yes, as I outlined, there clearly is no good answer, and the problem is real, on both sides.

Regarding the above, please do keep in mind that some people simply want to chat. No hidden agenda. So it can come across as quite obnoxious if someone asks first if you are married before they will even talk to you. See, from a man's point of view, that immediately labels the asker as just another really desperate woman who seeks nothing else but marriage and kids, and if you're not ready for an immediate commitment, you're useless to them. Just as men are stereotyped as always only wanting one thing, women are almost as easily stereotyped as only targeting "financially stable" unmarried men "ready for longterm commitment" they can latch onto. We should perpetuate neither stereotype.


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## olivefun (Dec 23, 2005)

Webmaster said:


> Yes, as I outlined, there clearly is no good answer, and the problem is real, on both sides.
> 
> Regarding the above, please do keep in mind that some people simply want to chat. No hidden agenda.



Yes and absolutely.
*I have no problem with chatting with men who just want to chat.
There are men and women that I chat with just for the pleasure of chatting. I love it and the community in the chat room.*

It is wonderfully supportive and so encouraging.

The rest of the world is so full of disdain that just coming into the chat room is a kind of relief. It is a place where I can feel beautiful BECAUSE of my fat and curves not despite my fleshy bits.

I chat with men, married and not, gay and straight, it doesn’t matter. 

I don't want to mislead anyone, to be duplicitous, deceptive or mean.

Some of the pictures on the sidebar in the chat room are sexy and provocative, mine included. (Some of them more than others)

If my breasts are the main part of the picture of me in the chat room, and i get flirting, how could i be surprised?

Usually, the comments are fun and *there is no likelihood that we will meet.* I don’t know why it makes a difference. It does matter sometimes. I don’t know exactly why.

I love being admired and having the context to show sides of my personality that remain hidden to all but my closest friends.

I can handle the sexual comments and I enjoy them sometimes more than others. When it is no fun, I have no problem making my feelings known.
At best, the room is a great supportive place where people are generally welcoming and helpful.

If I am online flirting, with a man who is going on about where it is that I live, and how far it is from the city that he says he is from, or what he wants to do, if we were together, or asking me about my bra size, and appetites, it is a different kind of chat than those that have no agenda.

I would rather know the truth. This includes the name of the real city he lives in, and his marital status.

I am noticing that a great number of men I talk to are married and living with someone they have no "marital" relationship with.

I understand they need a release for a myriad of reasons and am glad to be in a position to be reciprocal.

Is there a female version of this phenomenon?


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 23, 2005)

I am consistently contacted by married men. It has happened so much for so long that it has now reached cliche status. I don't mind people who just want to talk. I'm talking about men who will chat you up for a bit like they want to date, things are going well and then here comes the, "Oh by the way, do you mind that I'm married?" part. I've been thinking of getting a T shirt made that says, "Let Me Be The Monkey On Your Back, Please."


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## Falling Boy (Dec 24, 2005)

BTW I think it should be noted that men aren't the only ones who cheat.


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## Tina (Dec 24, 2005)

No one said they are, but let's be real here, in this community, it's been obvious over the years that the numbers of married men looking for BBW/SSBBW to cheat with (even if 'only' virtually) is far greater than the other way around. To not acknowledge that would be ridiculous. (any woman who has been around for any length of time, raise your hand if you have never been approached by a married man looking for a little action -- whether cyber or IRL)



Seth Warren said:


> Dan Savage (paraphrasing) once wrote that cheating can be a survivable part of a relationship, not one that ends the deal. This is, of course, from the standpoint that monogamy is the ideal.



Depends upon the people in the relationship. As someone who has had this dynamic in her life, I can say that trust is destroyed and is often unrecoverable. Not worth the risk if one truly loves their SO and wants to be with them in a relationship unsullied by such issues.



> Let's assume a woman is losing weight not because she has cancer but because she's thinking she'll be making herself more attractive/feel better/etc. If she's married, who exactly does she think she's making herself more attractive for? Herself? Okay, I can buy that; self-image is important. Her husband? If he's an "out" FA, that's a slap in the face, if he's in the closet, maybe this couple needs to work on their communication. Other fish in the sea? Hmmmmmm...



I can understand this. But if she's doing it to make herself "feel better" and feeling better includes being able to walk, and if he doesn't understand, it's a problem. Sure, I understand the other dynamics that play into it, but honestly, most fat women will always be fat to one degree or another, even after losing weight; I guess it's just a matter of degree. See, I think that they guy who leaves the woman he supposedly loves because she's lost some weight is no better than the guy who leaves the woman he supposedly loves because she's gained some.

Any way you cut it -- fat, thin, FA, non-FA -- relationships aren't easy.


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## OriginalCyn (Dec 24, 2005)

...non-monogamy (aka "polyamory") not NECESSARILY being death to a relationship. But it's usually not a "mutually-consensual-all-around" situation. I'm sorry to say this, but it's usually some guy who's got what I call an "infinite sense of entitlement" being a "dawg". Or it's a case of a man not wanting to take lumps for what he is (whether it's being a homosexual, an FA or whatever) and choosing a societally-acceptable mate while looking to get what he REALLY wants "on the side." (Not that women don't cheat, too...but we're talking about cheating males in this thread.)

Oprah did a show this week about gays guys who are married to straight women. (Blacks call this lifestyle "The down low," although I don't recall hearing Oprah mention that on her show. She had a single gay guy go on-line just to PROVE how many married men are "out there" looking for some action on the side. He got IMed numerous times within the space of a few minutes. Also, in the interest of fairness, I suppose, Oprah briefly chatted with a Lesbian who didn't "come out" until after she'd been married for a while.) What do closeted gays have to do with BBWs and FAs? Well, as I said above, there is a lot of societal disapproval--disapproval that's nearly-equal to disapproval of gays (in some cases, it's even greater, because there's a general consensus "out there" that our weight is something that we can control), and most people aren't brave enough to be honest and authentic, knowing that they're going to take a lot of lumps for it.

Cheating is so widespread, though, that the bit about seeking out a secret, societally-unacceptable partner is only one subset of the problem. One of my friends sent me the following link (it's a voice recording of a guy who's literally been caught with his pants down and how he tries to talk his way out of it):
http://media.987kissfm.com/_SHARED/Podcasts/crankgonebad.mp3


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## Tracyarts (Dec 24, 2005)

It's not just in the BBW/FA scene. It happens everywhere. And on both sides of the gender coin.

In a perfect world, if you are not having some need met with your partner, you would be able to find a compromise that is mutually acceptable to both parties. I know many couples where one has a need that the other cannot meet for whatever reason, and they allow the other to seek that fulfillment elsewhere as long as they abide by previously agreed-upon rules and limits. It works for them. The pressure is off of the partner who feels put-upon, and the partner who feels as if they are missing out has a way to seek what they desire without "cheating" and all the guilt and potential emotional fallout that goes along with it.

That being said, not all couples can come to such an agreement, nor can all partners ask for such an agreement. There may be so much guilt or emotional baggage present that they feel as if they cannot be open with their partner and ask for a compromise to have their needs met. Which exhibits deeper problems in the relationship aside from that need not being met. And of course, a lot of people out there claim to have such an agreement, but in reality, they do not, it's just their cover story when on the make. And in many other cases, there are partners who begrudgingly go along with such agreements rather than risk losing their partners, and it breeds resentment. 

I have been approached by married and otherwise "taken" men (and women for that matter) since I was in my teens. It gets more common as the years go by. Not always for sex either. Sometimes for mere companionship. I find a LOT of times, it may be for something kinky that as often as not doesn't involve any sexual contact. Makes me wonder why their wives can't go along with those requests. They seem benign enough... But then again to their partner, it might not be. 

The best case scenario would be to be able to have all of our needs met within the confines of our committed partnerships. The next best case scenario would be to have an agreement with our partners to seek those needs which they cannot meet within mutually agreed upon limitations and make sure that any potential outside playmates know about the marriage/partnership and know the rules and limits up front. 

Anything else is playing with fire, and eventually somebody will get hurt.

I have friends who are patiently waiting for married playmates to leave their partners for them or who are in an indefinate holding pattern carrying a torch for somebody who is otherwise involved. More the fools they are for carrying those torches and biding their time. I am sure at least one of them will be crying on my shoulder because she has been kicked to the curb in favor of the wife and children this Christmas season. 

I have known a LOT of women in my years participating in the BBW scene who have had their hearts broken by married men. But virtually ALL of them knew he was married or had a very good idea that he might be married when they chose to enter into the relationships. 

I guess what I am trying to say is that we need to put our big girl panties on and take responsibility for our choices and the consequences of those choices. And do the right thing when it comes to our partners, instead of just doing what works for us. If that means having a very difficult conversation, potential emotional fallout, or the risk of losing that partner altogether, then so be it. We're all grown ups here and we need to act like it.

Tracy


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## The Kangaroo (Dec 25, 2005)

I wouldn't "approach" a woman per se, but if I see a good looking woman with avoirdupois in Food 4 Less I am damn sure going to follow her and hope she bends over to get something off a bottom shelf.


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## leighcy (Dec 26, 2005)

Tarella said:


> Married men who become emotionally involved with a woman, can truly hurt that woman with a long list empty promises of 'maybe someday we will....', 'when I get brave enough..', 'when the timing is right....' and 'if and when...'. The horrible part is when they ask (not necessarily verbally that directly but perhaps by putting emotional carrots out in front of that woman) the woman to hold on and place her life on hold for him, truly doing a disservice to the woman.



This really hit close to home, as I'm going through something similar at the moment. However, my situation is a little different. I won't go into detail, but it's complicated and frustrating. At this point, I'm ready to move out of the country and leave everyone behind. And yes, I realize this happens EVERYWHERE, so there's really nowhere to hide. I'm just venting a bit.


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## Fat Gary NYC (Dec 26, 2005)

I had a unique situation a few weeks ago.

I was out for dinner with a few friends when the fiancee of one of my friends joined us. I'm _extremely_ shy around women, but I was able to talk to this woman because she was "safe" - she was already spoken for, so I could comfortably talk with her. (Just small talk, BSing and my usually feeble attempts to crack jokes.) Normally I'm extremely uncomfortable around women, I'm sad to say my mindset is such that any innocent comment directed my way is interpreted as a sign of interest.  And that makes me even _more_ nervous! :shocked:

But for me, even the fact that I was able to have light conversation with an "unavailable" woman is a major achievement in and of itself!


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## moonvine (Dec 26, 2005)

EtobicokeFA said:


> *No!*:doh: I think that you will be considered more selfish and bad by leaving someone because they are not fat enough.




Why? Men leave women all the time because they are not thin enough.


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## Jane (Dec 26, 2005)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tarella
Married men who become emotionally involved with a woman, can truly hurt that woman with a long list empty promises of 'maybe someday we will....', 'when I get brave enough..', 'when the timing is right....' and 'if and when...'. The horrible part is when they ask (not necessarily verbally that directly but perhaps by putting emotional carrots out in front of that woman) the woman to hold on and place her life on hold for him, truly doing a disservice to the woman. 


This really hit close to home, as I'm going through something similar at the moment. However, my situation is a little different. I won't go into detail, but it's complicated and frustrating. At this point, I'm ready to move out of the country and leave everyone behind. And yes, I realize this happens EVERYWHERE, so there's really nowhere to hide. I'm just venting a bit. 
------------------------------

I had one actually ask me if I would wait around until he saw if it was going to work out with his wife. They had been married 25 years at the time, and were having a rocky period.

Yeah, right, hon, I'm here for you....go have your life, I'll be sitting here on the bench. Sheesh!!!!!


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## moonvine (Dec 26, 2005)

Webmaster said:


> Yes, as I outlined, there clearly is no good answer, and the problem is real, on both sides.
> 
> Regarding the above, please do keep in mind that some people simply want to chat. No hidden agenda. So it can come across as quite obnoxious if someone asks first if you are married before they will even talk to you. See, from a man's point of view, that immediately labels the asker as just another really desperate woman who seeks nothing else but marriage and kids, and if you're not ready for an immediate commitment, you're useless to them. Just as men are stereotyped as always only wanting one thing, women are almost as easily stereotyped as only targeting "financially stable" unmarried men "ready for longterm commitment" they can latch onto. We should perpetuate neither stereotype.



Hrmm, you know, in some ways the Internet has crippled people's social skills. I really can't imagine going to a party or other event and having people ask me the kind of deeply personal and offensive questions I get asked online on a daily basis. And sometimes when I refuse to answer said deeply personal and offensive questions the asker gets angry at me! It is really pretty amusing. 

Guess I am a stereotype, but I have a good job and own my own home. Yes, I am looking for a guy who is financially stable. I don't plan to take any grown men to raise, yanno? I also expect him to not be living with his mother if he is over the age of 25 or so. And if he doesn't feel he's ready for a long term committment, then I'm probably not going to be interested either. I'm not sure why these things would be viewed in the same vein as someone looking to cheat on his wife. Could you enlighten me further?


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## moonvine (Dec 26, 2005)

olivefun said:


> I know this isn't a new situation.
> 
> I meet many wonderful FA men in the dim chat and here. One thing an alarming number of them have in common, is the situation of being a FA, married to a woman with whom he has no sexual intimacy. They lead great lives, have wonderful children and homes, but look to get their erections elsewhere.
> 
> ...




I know this sounds harsh, but I'm a pretty big believer in fulfilling your marital vows. If those included monogamy and for better or for worse, as most do, then you need to step up to the plate and decide whether or not you want to keep those vows or get a divorce. I've never heard a ceremony where someone said "I'll stay with you as long as you are physically attractive to me, and as long as no one I think I might like better comes along." There's no such thing as a God-given right to a partner one finds perfectly physically appealing at all times.

And the job thing? Um, no. That's not part of the deal either. You choose to be a man, and marry a fat woman, and take her to job functions and say this is my wife and I'm proud of her, or you marry a thin woman and deal with it. 

And yes, I get approached by married men all the time. 

And btw, I don't think that "wonderful" men look to cheat on their wives. I've heard all the sob stories about "needs" not being met. I say "whatever!"

And no, I am not perfect, actually far from it, but I can say I have never purposely sought out someone online to cheat on any of my partners with. That's a big deal - it is not an "oops" any more than choosing to rob a bank is, IMHO.

Of course none of this applies to people with open marriages, but the number of those I know of is very small, and the number of them that work for anything approaching longterm is 1. I actually did meet a guy who had an open relationship, and wanted a relationship with me, and I met his wife and she was fine with it, but I still didn't do it. I don't want crumbs, I want the whole cake.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 26, 2005)

olivefun said:


> I know this isn't a new situation.
> 
> I meet many wonderful FA men in the dim chat and here. One thing an alarming number of them have in common, is the situation of being a FA, married to a woman with whom he has no sexual intimacy. They lead great lives, have wonderful children and homes, but look to get their erections elsewhere.
> 
> ...



I have no idea what these married guys want. Maybe it's a challenge. What I want to know is what these married women want from me LOL. I think there are a lot of people in this world who want to experience a novelty but they aren't serious about finding real love. And that disgusts me.


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## BBW Betty (Dec 26, 2005)

moonvine said:


> ... I don't want crumbs, I want the whole cake.



Beautifully said.


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## leighcy (Dec 26, 2005)

Jane said:


> I had one actually ask me if I would wait around until he saw if it was going to work out with his wife. They had been married 25 years at the time, and were having a rocky period.



That sounds all too familiar, I'm afraid. How depressing.


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## Tarella (Dec 27, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I have no idea what these married guys want. Maybe it's a challenge. .




I think some of them just want someone to listen...someone to talk to....sometimes they are just looking for a friend. I dont think we should tarnish them all with the same brush. And as far as when a person says that their needs arent being fulfilled, there is something seriously wrong in that relationship. Through a lot of my own pain, I have learned that a relationship in distress can show many symptoms. Just saying 'whatever' to a person's complaint about a need being unfulfilled (sexual needs, emotional needs, security needs, etc etc) isn't very constructive.

In my marriage, I felt as if my needs were not being fulfilled. I tried everything constructively possible to ameliorate the situation. In the end it didn't work. If I had someone say "whatever' to my complaints of feeling emotionally starved, I would feel that person wasnt being very empathetic to my situation. I guess it really doesnt matter what other people think, but everyone has their own situations and their own problems. It is unfair to judge. You dont know another person's life unless you live it.

Tara


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## moonvine (Dec 27, 2005)

Tarella said:


> I think some of them just want someone to listen...someone to talk to....sometimes they are just looking for a friend. I dont think we should tarnish them all with the same brush. And as far as when a person says that their needs arent being fulfilled, there is something seriously wrong in that relationship. Through a lot of my own pain, I have learned that a relationship in distress can show many symptoms. Just saying 'whatever' to a person's complaint about a need being unfulfilled (sexual needs, emotional needs, security needs, etc etc) isn't very constructive.
> 
> In my marriage, I felt as if my needs were not being fulfilled. I tried everything constructively possible to ameliorate the situation. In the end it didn't work. If I had someone say "whatever' to my complaints of feeling emotionally starved, I would feel that person wasnt being very empathetic to my situation. I guess it really doesnt matter what other people think, but everyone has their own situations and their own problems. It is unfair to judge. You dont know another person's life unless you live it.
> 
> Tara



See, I meet my own needs and I always have. I do not put that responsibility on anyone else, and I don't plan to ever, so I don't understand all this needs not being met stuff. If I have a need, I figure out how *I* can meet it. Not look for someone else to do it for me. At any rate, when a man says this to me, they are looking for an excuse and validation for cheating on their partner, and I do not allow them to do this to me.

And I'm not judging their LIVES, I'm judging their ACTIONS. There's a big difference, at least to me.

I do not say "whatever" to people who are working hard on their relationships, only to have those efforts fail. I am very sympathetic to those people. But if you are on the internet spending untold hours trolling for sex, you are NOT working on your relationship, at least not very seriously.

Interestingly enough, one of my friends is poly, and he has this to say about this situation:

"If a person can't be honest with their primary partner, they will never be honest with anyone. Certainly they won't be honest with YOU."

Wise words, I think.


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## Webmaster (Dec 27, 2005)

moonvine said:


> "If a person can't be honest with their primary partner, they will never be honest with anyone. Certainly they won't be honest with YOU."
> 
> Wise words, I think.



Yes and no. I totally agree with you that some people deserve sympathy for finding themselves in difficult situations whereas others simply abuse the situation without any regard to anyone's feelings and well-being but their own.

Overall, I think what bothers me a bit is the high moral tone in the answers of many of the female posters. 

First, it is truly impossible for anyone but a man in such a position to really understand the predicament he may find himself in. To simply admonish him for not being stronger is akin to sternly wagging a finger at a dieter who blew it because s/he's simply hungry. 

Second, at times I find it a bit curious that some women in chatrooms "hang out their shingle" in the form of nearly nude pictures, and then are loudly appalled should any man, even an unmarried one, who is not tall, dark, handsome, financially stable and ready to commit react to the come-on. 

Third, it has always bothered me that men get criticized and dismissed as shallow cheats, yet women think it's perfectly okay to be equally shallow and single-minded in landing a good catch who is then supposed to leap into a serious relationship with them immediately. Or else. 

Fourth, honesty is totally relative. In our lives we're never more than a few words away from total disaster. Speaking what is REALLY on your mind at any given situation is almost guaranteed to destroy one's relationship, career, and livelihood within very short order. 

None of the above changes the basics: Stay away from creeps and abusers. But also have sympathy with the predicaments of others. Decide for yourself to what extent you want to help or not. No one is forced into relationships they do not want. And lastly, education goes a long way toward helping people make the right decisions in the first place. If fat people were not ostracized in our society, a lot of those men would not be in the situation they are in because they would have made the proper choices before it was too late.


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## Jane (Dec 27, 2005)

Very good post.

Listen, I don't want to own a man. I want someone who wants to spend their extra time with me, and I will do the same. The marriage as ownership thing is sick. 

If two people don't want to be together, financial considerations be damned. If small children are involved, that's a whole other situation.

I know some very good marriages. Both of the partners enjoy each other's company. They are friends, partners, and lovers. This is the ideal. A great many people don't find the whole enchildada in one person. However, don't ask someone else to wait while you see if your mate is going to be able to tolerate you. It is unfair.


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## moonvine (Dec 27, 2005)

Webmaster said:


> Yes and no. I totally agree with you that some people deserve sympathy for finding themselves in difficult situations whereas others simply abuse the situation without any regard to anyone's feelings and well-being but their own.



Well, I think that anyone in a difficult situation deserves empathy, perhaps not sympathy. But there are very, very few situations in which we have no choices. We always have choices. Sometimes the choices are not easy and sometimes there are no good choices. But there are always, always choices. So when I hear something like "I had no choice but to cheat on my wife" - well, even if smoene has a gun to your head and says they will shoot you if you do not cheat on your wife you have a choice. Just not a great one.



> Overall, I think what bothers me a bit is the high moral tone in the answers of many of the female posters.



I don't think there is anything wrong with morality. I wish there were more of it, not less.




> First, it is truly impossible for anyone but a man in such a position to really understand the predicament he may find himself in. To simply admonish him for not being stronger is akin to sternly wagging a finger at a dieter who blew it because s/he's simply hungry.



You know, there are many things I can't understand. My brother is an alcoholic. I can't understand a hunger for alcohol so terrible that a person would take chances with his career, with his life and the lives of others (all of which he has done - going to work in the ER drunk. Driving drunk, etc). My brother is a man, though. He owned his problem. He went to rehab again and again and again until it took. He didn't say "Woe is me, I can't help it, no one understands me." I'm very proud of him. He fights his addiction every day, and so far he's winning. 



> Second, at times I find it a bit curious that some women in chatrooms "hang out their shingle" in the form of nearly nude pictures, and then are loudly appalled should any man, even an unmarried one, who is not tall, dark, handsome, financially stable and ready to commit react to the come-on.



I don't understand why anyone, male or female, would hang out nearly nude pictures and expect serious relationships to arise from it. Perhaps they know something I don't. At any rate I don't hang out nearly nude pictures. If anything a picture of my face is all that goes out.



> Third, it has always bothered me that men get criticized and dismissed as shallow cheats, yet women think it's perfectly okay to be equally shallow and single-minded in landing a good catch who is then supposed to leap into a serious relationship with them immediately. Or else.



I am not sure either thing has much to do with shallowness. Cheating is morally wrong (well, according to my moral compass). Looking for a good catch isn't. Can you explain more about how you are equating these?

I'd be leery of anyone, male or female, who wanted to jump immediately into a serious relationship. That is a big red flag to me.



> Fourth, honesty is totally relative. In our lives we're never more than a few words away from total disaster. Speaking what is REALLY on your mind at any given situation is almost guaranteed to destroy one's relationship, career, and livelihood within very short order.



Well, are lies (that dress looks nice on you) and then there are LIES (I'm working late at the office tonight, honey). Very different things.


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## ConnieLynn (Dec 27, 2005)

moonvine said:


> Hrmm, you know, in some ways the Internet has crippled people's social skills. I really can't imagine going to a party or other event and having people ask me the kind of deeply personal and offensive questions I get asked online on a daily basis.



EXACTLY! My response to those kind of questions is to ask the person if they would ask me that to my face on a first date


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## Jes (Dec 27, 2005)

Webmaster said:


> . Few women understand the power of the FA orientation and what it means to us. It is far more than the preference for a blonde or brunette that we often use as an example. Yet, most women will dismiss it as something superficial and unimportant. It is not. Not to us. That is just the way it is.
> 
> .




Conrad, if I may ask: can you elaborate a bit more about what you wrote above? I don't want to challenge you or debate you, I'd simply like to better understand what you meant when you wrote it. Thanks.


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 28, 2005)

I've been married to my husband for 11 years; we've been together for 18. When we met, I was quite slender. I steadily gained weight over the years. I did not realize that he is a FA until I lost a great deal of weight. I know that he felt more attracted to me when I weighed more than 200 lbs. I see him "discreetly" checking out attractive fat women all the time. I know that he loves me, and he wants me to be healthy and happy. He does not need to feel apologetic for what he finds attractive. But I have to say, if he ever crossed the line and became physically/emotionally involved with another woman, I would *not* be at all understanding. I would, in fact, divorce his cheating ass (and bankrupt him in the process). To me, people who cheat are already morally bankrupt. They've taken an easy out, and fool themselves (and attempt to fool others) into believing that it was justifiable because "s/he doesn't meet my needs" or "I no longer love him/her but there's the kids to think about" etc. There are no good excuses. The reality is, if there are problems in the relationship, there are many options for addressing them: heart-to-heart talks, counseling, compromise, separation, divorce (a few among many). Turning to someone else, while still in a relationship, is just a horrifically sleazy thing to do. It's even worse to try to foist blame upon the partner who didn't stray. The problems in the relationship are, IMO, a completely separate entity from the infidelity. If my husband cheated, I would refuse to accept one iota of responsibility for that behavior, whether or not there were other problems.

My husband is an honorable man, and I trust him. Despite my weight loss, we continue to have an active and enjoyable sex life. I wish that I could be that curvy, voluptuous fantasy woman of his, and still enjoy good health (and feel good about myself). I can't. My husband isn't perfect either. But I love him, and I accept him for who and what he is. I expect no less from him.


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## Eighty-Eight (Sep 27, 2006)

ConnieLynn said:


> I get hit on by married FAs with that same routine, but honestly skinny gals get it too with the "I've been married for years and my wife changed" story. Bottom line, I tell them I am a greedy girl and don't share a man. Besides who wants a faithless man who cheats because of physical changes. Does that mean if I lose a breast to cancer he's out the door?
> 
> Or as a single guy friend of mine says, those married guys got their gal and shouldn't be dipping into the pool of women that should be reserved for the single men




It happens to us guys also...Married women hitting on us, telling us that their hubby doesnt perform anymore in the sack and such of the liking.


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## Brenda (Sep 27, 2006)

I can only speak from my experience and from people I know in person. This may or may not represent you  Married men who target single fat woman are generally pretty successful at it. Many fat women have not had a lot of experience with relationships and can easily get taken in with the promise of next week, month, year I am getting divorced. Loneliness can create a moral vacuum and that goes for both men and women. Perhaps these men really want to leave there marriages but the vast majority are not going to. 

I have to disagree with the notion that fat women (specifically) are looking for this great catch. Most of the fat women I know in person have partnered with men who are not by societies standards (and many times there own) "great catches". These women are generally higher paid, educated and socially more saavy than there mates. I even had a formerly fat friend tell me she would have never married her husband if she had been thin at the time, she felt since she was fat this was her last best chance at being married so she took it. Of course there are many exceptions but I see most fat woman as being more accepting of shortcomings in potential partners than there thin counterparts.

Brenda


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## olivefun (Sep 27, 2006)

I still find that people who may feel single even though they are really married have a hard time with the definitions and the way we perceive their relationships.

A guy messages me and we talk.
He seems lovely and we hit it off.
He tells me he is single.
Then he lets it out that in fact, he is living with the wife. They may not have had sex in years.
He tells me he has a separate apartment in the same "building". Later on as we become friends I find out that the building is, in fact a single family home.
They regularly _sleep_ in the same bed.
What am I to make of this.
I like the guy and consider him my friend now.

Will I have sex with him, or allow a romance to develop?
Not on your life!

I only have so much free time, and as much as I like him, the fact that he'd been deceptive prevents me from wanting further contact.

(....Besides the fact that I will not have a relationship with a married man)

He thinks I am making a huge deal out of a "little white lie".
sigh.


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## Butterbelly (Sep 27, 2006)

olivefun said:


> He thinks I am making a huge deal out of a "little white lie".
> sigh.



I don't find this to be a little so-called "white" lie at all. It's deceptive and if it's one thing I can't deal with it's deception. 

I, too, have been in this exact same situation with the excuse of "but we're separated and getting a divorce." Sorry, buddy, I'm not interested in a separated man who still has intimate contact with his "soon to be" divorced wife. 

I've read through a lot of the postings on this particular thread, and I agree with the vast majority of them. It's not just men that do this kind of thing, it's women as well. 

And the one thing I just cannot understand is, if you're in a relationship/marriage and you're not intimiate with that person and you not really in love with that person and you complain about the relationship/marriage all the time...then WHY IN HELL are you still IN the relationship? I realize that some people don't believe in divorce or they believe the relationship will get better. Some people stay because they have kids. But I don't believe in staying in a relationship where I'm miserable and all I can think about is being with someone else. Why deceive yourself like that, and why be dishonest to yourself let alone the person you're with?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 27, 2006)

Seth Warren said:


> Dan Savage (paraphrasing) once wrote that cheating can be a survivable part of a relationship, not one that ends the deal. This is, of course, from the standpoint that monogamy is the ideal.
> 
> Anybody looking to just get it on because they can't find carnal satisfaction in their long-term relationship is just trouble. However, if all parties are aware of what it going on, it can't be called cheating (not accurately anyhow).
> 
> ...



Whenever I read something on this board about a woman should maintain a higher weight to please a man, I have to flip it around in my mind. If a man has a heavier wife that gained weight after marriage and kept looking for a thin woman to screw around on her with, he's a dog in the minds of a lot of people, I'm sure.He shouldn't be regarded any differently when the fat/thin role is reversed.
Let's try gender reversal too. What if the man lost his hair, gained/lost a significant amount of weight, or just didnt look as attractive after 20 years of marriage? Is it "understandable" for a woman to start shopping around? 

To Olive- I kind of understand your post but then again it confuses me a bit.
It sounds as if you considered, at least, the parameters/complications of a relationship with a married man and decided it wasnt for you. The most blaring thing about what you said that I didnt see you mention was that the man is lying. If he is willing to betray his commitment to his life partner, why do you think he would treat the other woman any better? What kind of "relationship" outside of sex could anyone have with him? I dont know about anyone else but that isnt enough for me.


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## olivefun (Sep 27, 2006)

Butterbelly said:


> And the one thing I just cannot understand is, if you're in a relationship/marriage and you're not intimiate with that person and you not really in love with that person and you complain about the relationship/marriage all the time...then WHY IN HELL are you still IN the relationship?
> ?


Before I was as smart and experienced as I am now, I had a relationship with a man who was living with his wife and son. 
He really did have his own room in the house. 

The mom did not work. 
If he was to leave them, their finances would change a great deal. 
He wouldn't see as much of the son, the son would not be able to go to the same schools. Buddy would have to work more hours to see less of his son, and that is what he needed. 

He would be paying for 2 houses instead of one. 
He did a lot of travel for work so he could stay over at my house. 

It was a crazy thing. 

She was his wife, going to family functions and such with him. 
We could have dinner, watch a movie at my house, and I was resentful. He was financially supporting her and the son, and I wanted him to at least buy groceries and toothpaste for my household. 

It was a long time ago, and I have learned why this kind of thing would never work for me again. 

I don't blame him for wanting his cake and to eat it too. 

You know, there will always be another woman ready to have the kind of thing with him that he wanted. He was a kind man, and a great lover, I can see what they see in him.

It is a totally unequal relationship for all 3 of us.Wife apparently has not had sex in many years, and doesn't miss it at all.

After I finally got him out of my life, there was another woman in there with him within seconds. 

The son is now 18 and still living with the mom and dad. Buddy still has at least one gf on the side, and everyone is secretive and seems happy.

whatever. 

I am glad to have gotten out of that when I did. 

Olive


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## SamanthaNY (Sep 27, 2006)

Anyone who plays that fast and loose with values and honesty is not someone I would consider for friendship, relationship... _anything_. 

The fact that he turns it around and tries to make it _your_ "huge deal" is just the icing on the cake. And the writing on that cake sez: RUN... RUN FAST AND FAR


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## Butterbelly (Sep 27, 2006)

I've heard of several situations like that, and I personally know of one like that. I just couldn't be in a situation like that...I, too, would be resentful.


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## olivefun (Sep 27, 2006)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> To Olive- I kind of understand your post but then again it confuses me a bit.
> It sounds as if you considered, at least, the parameters/complications of a relationship with a married man and decided it wasnt for you. The most blaring thing about what you said that I didnt see you mention was that the man is lying. If he is willing to betray his commitment to his life partner, why do you think he would treat the other woman any better? What kind of "relationship" outside of sex could anyone have with him? I dont know about anyone else but that isnt enough for me.


Just to be clear the guy I was talking about here is not the one I am talking about in the other post. 

This one is a nice guy. We have a lot of interests in common. 
He told me he had a roommate when we first started to chat online. I didn't question it. 
I am sure that in his mind, his wife was a roommate and nothing else. 
There is the issue of intent, and I am not convinced he had the interest in deceiving me. 

I think he really thought he was single because he wasn't having sex with his wife. 

We all tell ourselves lies with differing amounts of success. 
"nope, it has no calories if I eat it off someone else's plate..." 

LOL


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 27, 2006)

olivefun said:


> I get slammed when I ask people in chat rooms if the man is married before chatting at all with them in private.
> 
> In this context, online, we cannot see the ring, or the tan line from where the ring was removed and hidden.



You get slammed for what? Having respect for yourself and another woman that might be married to the guy? 
I cant really imagine what someone would have to say to you to put you down for such a simple yet considerate question...


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## olivefun (Sep 27, 2006)

SamanthaNY said:


> The fact that he turns it around and tries to make it _your_ "huge deal" is just the icing on the cake. And the writing on that cake sez: RUN... RUN FAST AND FAR



Haha!
That is brilliant Sam, I love this cake and I may have a second slice!
Hey, I may even put it on a plate with your name on it so it would have no calories.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 27, 2006)

olivefun said:


> Just to be clear the guy I was talking about here is not the one I am talking about in the other post.
> 
> This one is a nice guy. We have a lot of interests in common.
> He told me he had a roommate when we first started to chat online. I didn't question it.
> ...



Olive, I dont know this individual so I cannot say what his "intent" was but as someone that was married for almost 14 years, I can speak from my own mind. I never told anyone online or in reality I was not married- ever. No matter how bad my marriage was- and it got really bad, especially there at the end. If I ever told a man I "had a roommate" and left off the "small detail" of a marital contract that my husband considered valid, then I would have been lying my a** off- and it was something I did intentionally. No oversight- no slips- no excuses in my mind.
Just my two cents

Btw, very good topic- thanks


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## olivefun (Sep 27, 2006)

I remember there was an experiment conducted on crawfish or lobsters.

They found that if they were put into a basin of cool water and checked the temperature. They could add warm water and the lobsters were alright and could get used to it. They kept on adding water until the temperature was hot enough to actually cook them.

If they just put the lobsters into the hot water, it would have killed them immediately because it was hotter than they could stand it.

With relationships we can accept more and more... until at some point, we are in an unsuitable place and must make changes.

IN many cases, it is easier to live with a bad situation than make real changes that may hurt people in our wake.

The line between what we can and cannot stand is forever changing.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 27, 2006)

Jane said:


> Listen, I don't want to own a man. I want someone who wants to spend their extra time with me, and I will do the same. The marriage as ownership thing is sick.



I totally agree about the "ownership" thing- I saw my marriage as a partnership- not enslavement. 
That said, it is also an agreement with vows/promises/commitments made. The most obvious element about the whole idea of extra-marital affairs is that if someone can make the commitment of marriage to begin with, doesnt their life partner deserve honesty in all things from them? Both marital partners are being held to the same expectations and should be giving as good as they are getting.

Expecting those closest to me to respect me with honesty isnt a declaration of ownership from me or "taking a high moral tone " but just how human beings should treat each other.


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## luvs wife fatter (Sep 27, 2006)

Married men should be happy with their spouse. Not hit on others here


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## DebbieBBW (Sep 27, 2006)

Seth Warren said:


> Dan Savage (paraphrasing) once wrote that cheating can be a survivable part of a relationship, not one that ends the deal. This is, of course, from the standpoint that monogamy is the ideal.
> 
> Anybody looking to just get it on because they can't find carnal satisfaction in their long-term relationship is just trouble. However, if all parties are aware of what it going on, it can't be called cheating (not accurately anyhow).
> 
> ...



Well said and the last part could not be more true. There is a saying in spanish..."every mind is its own world"...and anytime you bring two worlds together trouble will ensue.


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## nattyice (Sep 27, 2006)

Ive always been the kind, when it has got to the point where I am thinking of looking somewhere else, I end the relationship with the person I am with first.


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Sep 28, 2006)

Tina said:


> let's be real here, in this community, it's been obvious over the years that the numbers of married men looking for BBW/SSBBW to cheat with (even if 'only' virtually) is far greater than the other way around. To not acknowledge that would be ridiculous. (any woman who has been around for any length of time, raise your hand if you have never been approached by a married man looking for a little action -- whether cyber or IRL)
> .



Tina,
I raise my hand.
Honest.
-J
p.s. Great topic of conversation, but I just had to sidetrack for a moment.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 28, 2006)

Married men who cheat or want to cheat. Scum.

If a man is in a marriage where the wife is OK with extra- curricular activity he and his wife are open and honest about it. THAT is not cheating.

The guy who sneaks around and is evasive about his situation IS cheating - he's a coward who is too much of a child to be honest with his wife like an adult. His wife deserves the chance to say if she is OK with what he wants or not and then together they need to decide what is OK with the confines of their marriage. Any less is complete disrespect of the marriage and the wife.

Gentlemen - be men - women aren't interested in little boys.:bow:


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## olivefun (Sep 28, 2006)

Right now, I got a message from a man who inferred from a post I made (on another board) about wanting to go "out", that I am married. He "too" is married and just wanting a little "excitement" in his life, expecting this to be me. 

This was in the last 5 minutes!

:doh: 

I don't know what to say. 

:doh: 

(except.............. bye!)


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## nattyice (Sep 28, 2006)

olivefun said:


> Right now, I got a message from a man who inferred from a post I made (on another board) about wanting to go "out", that I am married. He "too" is married and just wanting a little "excitement" in his life, expecting this to be me.
> 
> This was in the last 5 minutes!
> 
> ...



You should have reffered him to this post.


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## olivefun (Sep 28, 2006)

Ha.
Rather than sending him here, 
I will share a portion of his message.
(wicked?)(maybe)
I told him that I do not want to get involved in anything with a married man. I really do not feel it is fair to hurt the woman in this way.



> I understand ...re not wishing to hurt a woman...and I certainly have no intention of ever hurting my wife.....We have a great thing, even though we are more like close friends than "man and wife".
> 
> I thought it better to be up front about being married right off the bat. From my perspective, my marriage is very happy, but almost completely sexless....as in last time was summer vacation 2005!!
> From September to July, my wife...a teacher....works 16 hours a day and is understanably too tired....and even in the summer, she is not particularly interested in anything exciting or romantic....my rationalisation is, I either have the occassional discreet affair(s), or I do without this part of my life. And, since I am sure I will only live once....I chose the discreet affair route. I am reconciled to and happy with that choice.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 28, 2006)

olivefun said:


> Ha.
> Rather than sending him here,
> I will share a portion of his message.
> (wicked?)(maybe)
> I told him that I do not want to get involved in anything with a married man. I really do not feel it is fair to hurt the woman in this way.



EVEN *IF* this is true - he is still being dishonest with his wife and sooner or later she is going to be the party that gets hurt. It's unfair - dishonest - and just plain juvenile. If he is man enough to sleep around - he should be man enough to be honest with his wife.


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## nattyice (Sep 28, 2006)

He needs to be talking to his wife with his "sexless" issues and not be talking to you. Handle 1 problem at a time instead of making more problems.


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## mossystate (Sep 28, 2006)

You gals are so cold..cruel..

These married men are in loveless and/or sexless marriages..they are not understood..all they want is to boink a fat woman, without being seen in public with her(car trunks are great for this)..is that really so horrible?


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## nattyice (Sep 28, 2006)

mossystate said:


> You gals are so cold..cruel..
> 
> These married men are in loveless and/or sexless marriages..they are not understood..all they want is to boink a fat woman, without being seen in public with her(car trunks are great for this)..is that really so horrible?


LoL....Im no gal


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## mossystate (Sep 28, 2006)

nattyice said:


> LoL....Im no gal




TRAITOR!!!!


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## Jane (Sep 28, 2006)

I got an email from a new guy today....the signature was his and his wife's name. CLASSY!!!!!!


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 28, 2006)

Eighty-Eight said:


> It happens to us guys also...Married women hitting on us, telling us that their hubby doesnt perform anymore in the sack and such of the liking.



Yep. What do you do when you realize you and your mate are sexually incompatible? Everything else is good except the sex. I think the relationship is doomed.


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Sep 28, 2006)

My mother's sage advice:

This lovely woman whom I owe my life to shared this little tid bit with me as we shopped once day a few years back. You know how it is when you get together and your mother listens to your pecadillos and assorted flings and the confusion that arises from them.
She said " Listen, keep the one you have the best sex with. Great sexual chemistry is very difficult to find. Once you've bonded over that, everything else can be dealt with. Look at me and Perry. I've been having amazing orgasms for the past 35 years. Oh, and don't expect to hear from me on Sunday. That's the day of the week that we do it"
SO of course I'm all grossed out in the middle of the Sam's Club Bakery section. 
"EEEEEEWWWWWW, Mom!!!!"

True story.


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Sep 28, 2006)

that's in reference to sexual compatibility in relationships and marriages. Its unfortunate that such things happen.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 28, 2006)

Your mom is a very wise woman. That's exactly what *I* did. :wubu: 




The Obstreperous Ms. J said:


> My mother's sage advice:
> 
> This lovely woman whom I owe my life to shared this little tid bit with me as we shopped once day a few years back. You know how it is when you get together and your mother listens to your pecadillos and assorted flings and the confusion that arises from them.
> She said " Listen, keep the one you have the best sex with. Great sexual chemistry is very difficult to find. Once you've bonded over that, everything else can be dealt with. Look at me and Perry. I've been having amazing orgasms for the past 35 years. Oh, and don't expect to hear from me on Sunday. That's the day of the week that we do it"
> ...


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Sep 28, 2006)

I'm giving Mom imaginary rep points. A brassy, bawdy redhead BBW woman whom I wish I was half the woman she is...

Sorry for the sidetrack. Now back to the cheating hearts!!!


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 29, 2006)

The Obstreperous Ms. J said:


> I'm giving Mom imaginary rep points. A brassy, bawdy redhead BBW woman whom I wish I was half the woman she is...
> 
> Sorry for the sidetrack. Now back to the cheating hearts!!!



Right Ms. J-props to your Mom for sure. What about when the one you have the best chemistry with is a dangerously, exciting, unpredictable, possibly heartbreaking man. What do you do then? Just curious.


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Sep 29, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> Right Ms. J-props to your Mom for sure. What about when the one you have the best chemistry with is a dangerously, exciting, unpredictable, possibly heartbreaking man. What do you do then? Just curious.




Ya know what hun, I don't. That's the beauty of it. I'm not in any position to tell anyone what they should do when it comes to the affairs of the heart.

I guess I refer back to Janis Joplin's version of Cry Baby. There is a great recitation in the middle of the song. I guess when it comes down to it, we all take a chance at love in all of its facets: the good, the sad and the heartbreak.

But at least we have the chance, right?


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## Jes (Sep 29, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Your mom is a very wise woman. That's exactly what *I* did. :wubu:


So what day of the week should we not bother contacting you?

 haha.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 29, 2006)

Still a Skye fan said:


> Hmmm...interesting topic.
> 
> Yeah, I agree relationships are complicated beasties.
> 
> ...



I loved your post...... I myself dont know where to meet someone who is an FA or just someone who is attracted to a bbw except online & unfortunately most that I meet are shady. I wish there were more like you out there :wubu:


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 29, 2006)

The Obstreperous Ms. J said:


> My mother's sage advice:
> 
> This lovely woman whom I owe my life to shared this little tid bit with me as we shopped once day a few years back. You know how it is when you get together and your mother listens to your pecadillos and assorted flings and the confusion that arises from them.
> She said " Listen, keep the one you have the best sex with. Great sexual chemistry is very difficult to find. Once you've bonded over that, everything else can be dealt with. Look at me and Perry. I've been having amazing orgasms for the past 35 years. Oh, and don't expect to hear from me on Sunday. That's the day of the week that we do it"
> ...



I have to say your mom is one smart lady!!! no matter what we say when it comes down to it when u are with someone sex is just as important as everything else we need that sexual chemistry as well as the relationship there is nothing greater when you can have that passionate orgasmic night with the one you love....


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 29, 2006)

You know now that I think of it I had a married man PM me when I first came here he explained his marriage is great him & his wife do different things they enjoy but their marrriage is still great.. He wanted to become my friend so he would have someone to talk to who understands an FA?????????? umm I told him Im sorry but that is what you should be doing with your wife & if you cant then is it really a great marriage? & That I cannot be his friend.
I believe that in a marriage you should never have to hide who you are & what you like because you are cheating yourself & that person of who you truly are
love is having someone loving you for who you truly are.... I told him
marriage is when 2 people can share what the other likes & even if they dont understand they should love their spouse enough to try & accept it.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Oct 2, 2006)

Jes said:


> So what day of the week should we not bother contacting you?
> 
> haha.



Oh sweetheart - it's every day of the week. You catch me when you can.


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## Falling Boy (Oct 3, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> You know now that I think of it I had a married man PM me when I first came here he explained his marriage is great him & his wife do different things they enjoy but their marrriage is still great.. He wanted to become my friend so he would have someone to talk to who understands an FA?????????? umm I told him Im sorry but that is what you should be doing with your wife & if you cant then is it really a great marriage? & That I cannot be his friend.
> I believe that in a marriage you should never have to hide who you are & what you like because you are cheating yourself & that person of who you truly are
> love is having someone loving you for who you truly are.... I told him
> marriage is when 2 people can share what the other likes & even if they dont understand they should love their spouse enough to try & accept it.




Well my wife thinks im a little f**ked in the head for being an FA and can't understand what about it I like. So I come hear to chat with people who think the same way as myself. But I am not here to try to f**k anyone.


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## PrettyFatGirl4U (Oct 3, 2006)

Falling Boy said:


> Well my wife thinks im a little f**ked in the head for being an FA and can't understand what about it I like. So I come hear to chat with people who think the same way as myself. But I am not here to try to f**k anyone.



Well then the $64,000 question would be (and always is) then WHY are you with a woman who doesn't understand? Who I'm guessing doesn't understand because she isn't a bbw.

This is such a recurring thread - I get that we don't choose love, it chooses us BUT doesn't anyone believe in holding out for what you truly desire anymore? Or is it just love the first one who loves you?

Because I have to theorize that there wouldn't be so many married men sniffing around the internet looking for someone "who understands" being an FA if there were more who held out for what they truly desire or stopped denying their true proclivities. I can hardly image a more empty and lonely life than one spent yearning for something you *chose* not to have.

PS - This isn't directed at you specifically Falling Boy I just happened to feel moved to respond from your post


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 3, 2006)

PrettyFatGirl4U said:


> Well then the $64,000 question would be (and always is) then WHY are you with a woman who doesn't understand? Who I'm guessing doesn't understand because she isn't a bbw.
> 
> This is such a recurring thread - I get that we don't choose love, it chooses us BUT doesn't anyone believe in holding out for what you truly desire anymore? Or is it just love the first one who loves you?
> 
> ...



Thank you for responding... I couldnt have said it better myself


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 3, 2006)

Falling Boy said:


> Well my wife thinks im a little f**ked in the head for being an FA and can't understand what about it I like. So I come hear to chat with people who think the same way as myself. But I am not here to try to f**k anyone.



I dont know how to respond.... if you wife thinks you are F'd up because u are an FA & cant understand what you like about it .... I think that is horrible I can understand why you come here I dont understand how you are ok with how she feels about what you like but its your life not mine if it was me I wouldnt have none of that... Its sad she feels the way like most of society does about fat people.. if only she could see what you see that being fat is just as beautiful


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 3, 2006)

Falling Boy said:


> Well my wife thinks im a little f**ked in the head for being an FA and can't understand what about it I like. So I come hear to chat with people who think the same way as myself. But I am not here to try to f**k anyone.



one more thing.. I never said anything in that reply about sex.. I said I think a marriage is when 2 people can accept each other & try to understand what their spouse likes... & that was something he should share with his wife that it was obvious there was something missing from their marriage & I cannot be the one to fill that void with being a friend.... thats something that should be filled by a spouse.... Im big on marriage & what & how it should be that going outside doesnt solve the problem that is why I guess I am still single I just cant settle I need someone who loves me the complete me as I him

ps... but please dont take it personal my responses were regarding men who approach a woman not someone who comes here to post .. if that makes any sense


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 3, 2006)

PrettyFatGirl4U said:


> Well then the $64,000 question would be (and always is) then WHY are you with a woman who doesn't understand? Who I'm guessing doesn't understand because she isn't a bbw.
> 
> This is such a recurring thread - I get that we don't choose love, it chooses us BUT doesn't anyone believe in holding out for what you truly desire anymore? Or is it just love the first one who loves you?
> 
> ...




Great post Lady *thumbs up*


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## Falling Boy (Oct 3, 2006)

PrettyFatGirl4U said:


> Well then the $64,000 question would be (and always is) then WHY are you with a woman who doesn't understand? Who I'm guessing doesn't understand because she isn't a bbw.
> 
> This is such a recurring thread - I get that we don't choose love, it chooses us BUT doesn't anyone believe in holding out for what you truly desire anymore? Or is it just love the first one who loves you?
> 
> ...




No she is a BBW. She just doesn't understand what it is about "it" that I like. She has it lodged into her head I am guessing from the people around her growing up that she would be more attractive if she were smaller. And it doesn't seem that no matter what I say. And it is very weird that I would find "that" attractive.

I didnt mean to come off like I did, it just seems that there is alot of things being said about married men who may just be looking to chat for completely innocent reasons.


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## Jes (Oct 3, 2006)

Falling Boy said:


> I didnt mean to come off like I did, it just seems that there is alot of things being said about married men who may just be looking to chat for completely innocent reasons.


All right, let me ask you this. I don't expect you to speak for everyone, though I'll admit it's a question I have for everyone: at what point, if any, do you feel you should divulge that you're married? Do you try to do that with some frequency? Do you only do it if asked? Do you do it if you sense a single woman is being flirtatious with you?


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## Jane (Oct 3, 2006)

Falling Boy said:


> No she is a BBW. She just doesn't understand what it is about "it" that I like. She has it lodged into her head I am guessing from the people around her growing up that she would be more attractive if she were smaller. And it doesn't seem that no matter what I say. And it is very weird that I would find "that" attractive.
> 
> I didnt mean to come off like I did, it just seems that there is alot of things being said about married men who may just be looking to chat for completely innocent reasons.


I think you've said this before. I seemed to have it stuck in my mind that your lady was a BBW.


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## Falling Boy (Oct 4, 2006)

Jes said:


> All right, let me ask you this. I don't expect you to speak for everyone, though I'll admit it's a question I have for everyone: at what point, if any, do you feel you should divulge that you're married? Do you try to do that with some frequency? Do you only do it if asked? Do you do it if you sense a single woman is being flirtatious with you?




I never hide the fact that I am married. I mean most of the people I chat with already know this, and honestly I don't really chat with many people. But if some random person IM's me or something and it seems that she is being flirtatious I will make it known right away that I am married and am not interested in anything.


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## olivefun (Oct 4, 2006)

Falling Boy said:


> I never hide the fact that I am married.



You are not typical of the kind of person that approaches me. I get it in the real world too. I get hit on by married men there too.
I feel for the man who's wife teases him about being an FA. 

Otherwise, they may have a good relationship and have children to factor in.
Things are not black and white. I am sympathetic, I understand that things change incrementally and can be complicated.

Just the same, it is their problem, not mine. 

As sympathetic as I may feel, I just have no room in my world for this kind of man... or this kind of man-and-his-hidden-wife.


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## Falling Boy (Oct 4, 2006)

olivefun said:


> You are not typical of the kind of person that approaches me. I get it in the real world too. I get hit on by married men there too.
> I feel for the man who's wife teases him about being an FA.
> 
> Otherwise, they may have a good relationship and have children to factor in.
> ...



I can completely understand how you would be sick of these guys contacting you. The only reason I chimed in was that it seemed like the topic had changed from what it was originally to just all married guys chatting online. My wife knows I chat with women online but she also knows that I would never ever cheat on her so it doesn't bother her. Just like I know she chats with men online although her chatting with one of her old boyfriends bugs me a bit but hey thats another story for another time!


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## olivefun (Oct 4, 2006)

Sometimes when a man gives me a compliment, either online or at a meeting or at a nightclub, the first thing I want to say to him is "My name is Olive, nice to meet you, what is your wife's name?"


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## Jes (Oct 4, 2006)

olivefun said:


> Sometimes when a man gives me a compliment, either online or at a meeting or at a nightclub, the first thing I want to say to him is "My name is Olive, nice to meet you, what is your wife's name?"


right?! i have no idea what the middle ground is. it seems awkward to just come out and assume/ask, but to hang back too long seems dumb too. 

if anyone knows the way, tell me please.


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## CuteyChubb (Oct 4, 2006)

Jes said:


> right?! i have no idea what the middle ground is. it seems awkward to just come out and assume/ask, but to hang back too long seems dumb too.
> 
> if anyone knows the way, tell me please.



I liked Olives way.

I live by strict rules concerning marriage. I believe that any single person who engages in a relationship with a married person is setting themself up for a world of relationship disasters. 

Also, if my spouse thought I was a freak for being a FA and the spouse was a fat person, and I felt the need to chat with fat folks here for a sense of understanding, I'd get counseling.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 4, 2006)

olivefun said:


> Sometimes when a man gives me a compliment, either online or at a meeting or at a nightclub, the first thing I want to say to him is "My name is Olive, nice to meet you, what is your wife's name?"


Ok that was just awesome


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## Fyreflyintheskye (Oct 4, 2006)

I was reading an article today about possessive and jealous men.

There were a few points made which are somewhat related to the matters at hand in this post. 

The one I wanted to bring up was that when a man suspects his woman is being unfaithful, he asks her, "did you sleep with him?" When a woman suspects her man of being unfaithful, she asks him, "do you love her?"


I'm not going to offer anything else. I'm fed up with people bitching to me and biting my head off for being considerate and also having opinions... so chew on it as much or little as you want. I have no frigging opinion from hereonin- not in HERE, anyway


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## olivefun (Oct 4, 2006)

ShakenBakeSharleen said:


> I'm not going to offer anything else. I'm fed up with people bitching to me and biting my head off for being considerate and also having opinions... so chew on it as much or little as you want. I have no frigging opinion from hereonin- not in HERE, anyway




Sharleen,
Hey, 
I have no idea what you are talking about , but your comments are always welcome HERE. That is why I like this place. we may all have our ideas and make opinions known, sometimes people agree with us, and sometime not. 
It is ok. I have always enjoyed your contributions, please don't stop.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Oct 4, 2006)

You're right and so many people set themselves up for heartbreak by going after another woman's husband or another man's wife.



CuteyChubb said:


> I live by strict rules concerning marriage. I believe that any single person who engages in a relationship with a married person is setting themself up for a world of relationship disasters.


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## Falling Boy (Oct 5, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> Also, if my spouse thought I was a freak for being a FA and the spouse was a fat person, and I felt the need to chat with fat folks here for a sense of understanding, I'd get counseling.




I assume you are directing this towards me? I don't just chat with people here for understanding, I have been coming to these boards since before I was married and there are just alot of great people here.


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## olivefun (Oct 5, 2006)

Falling Boy said:


> ....there are just alot of great people here.



...of which you are one...


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## Jes (Oct 5, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> Ok that was just awesome


it's sure funny, and it's sadly often true, but it also sounds crazy if it's not accurate, and won't help anything get off on the right foot if the 2 of you are single and like one another. Hence, the problem...


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## CuteyChubb (Oct 5, 2006)

Falling Boy said:


> I assume you are directing this towards me? I don't just chat with people here for understanding, I have been coming to these boards since before I was married and there are just alot of great people here.



You know, I apologize for that. I thought about what I wrote here on my way home.

I can't judge anybody.


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## saucywench (Oct 5, 2006)

Jes said:


> if anyone knows the way, tell me please.


You and Peter Frampton. Sheesh.


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## Jes (Oct 5, 2006)

saucywench said:


> You and Peter Frampton. Sheesh.


oh, ole peter and that one album. that ONE album.


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## saucywench (Oct 5, 2006)

Jes said:


> oh, ole peter and that one album. that ONE album.


Do you feel like I do, Jes? Huh? Do ya?


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## Littleghost (Oct 5, 2006)

At the risk of sounding flippant, my advice is to simply tell them, "I'm not a side course, I'm the MAIN dish!" I'd imagine that some men think they can simply get away with it; that as a fat girl she or the affair "doesn't count." It does.

Here's to hopin' you find a guy without finger tan lines.
--Littleghost


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## Jes (Oct 5, 2006)

saucywench said:


> Do you feel like I do, Jes? Huh? Do ya?


you're pretty funny today, i gotta give you that.


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## Eighty-Eight (Oct 6, 2006)

olivefun said:


> Sometimes when a man gives me a compliment, either online or at a meeting or at a nightclub, the first thing I want to say to him is "My name is Olive, nice to meet you, what is your wife's name?"



Problem is, if they are not wearing a wedding ring then they will probably lie to you anywats.


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## fatgirlflyin (Oct 6, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> I dont know how to respond.... if you wife thinks you are F'd up because u are an FA & cant understand what you like about it .... I think that is horrible I can understand why you come here I dont understand how you are ok with how she feels about what you like but its your life not mine if it was me I wouldnt have none of that... Its sad she feels the way like most of society does about fat people.. if only she could see what you see that being fat is just as beautiful




You know I dont see what the problem is with this type of situation. Being married or in a relationship with someone doesn't mean that you automatically understand what someone is attracted to and why, sometimes its just how it is. My partner finds some things sexually attractive/stimulating that I don't and quite honestly I dont see the attraction. What I do "get" tho is that its attractive and sexually arousing to him, do I judge him for it? Nope. Do I feel like he doesn't truly love me because I'm not those things? Nope. Do I think that he should seek out someone who is all those things that he is aroused by? You bet your sweet ass nope. 

I don't think its ok to say someone is f'd up because they dont understand an attraction though and I would say some serious communicating needed to take place...


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## fatgirlflyin (Oct 6, 2006)

ShakenBakeSharleen said:


> The one I wanted to bring up was that when a man suspects his woman is being unfaithful, he asks her, "did you sleep with him?" When a woman suspects her man of being unfaithful, she asks him, "do you love her?"



I like this quote, it really rings true. I would be able to deal with it, forgive, and move on if an affair were sexual and only sexual. If he were to say I love you to someone I dont know that I could get past that...


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