# Before you tried loving yourself fat...



## AuntHen (Nov 18, 2009)

Do you remember the first time you were really "hit on" by someone who loved you all plump and fat and stuff, but it was pre-dimensions at that time & you were down on your fatness and so didn't take it well...

I do... I used to go to Karaoke once a week and there was this guy who the first time I even met him had a big smile on his face and kept looking at me and every time I saw him he told me how I pretty I was and flirted up a storm. I was always embarrassed and thought he was just being nice (never fathomed he found me hot)

well... one night in front of a big crowd of people he goes "Hey! look at my shirt" with this big grin on his face

The shirt said "I Love Fat Chicks"!!!

I was taken a-back and my face I'm sure said "I loathe you"!!! I looked around to see if anyone was laughing...:blush:

Hahahaha.. Poor guy... he really just loved fat ladies... but he wasn't the "relationship" type either. This was like 4 years ago, so he was out and proud  Now I look back and think..awwww.. he thought I was cute


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## KittyKitten (Nov 18, 2009)

*I always felt proud of my body. I am a woman of color and I really didn't have serious hangups about my weight. I was skinny until about age 21 when I blossomed from a C to a DD, LOL. Wild growth spurt. Not only do I have big knockers but my booty is round and big which is rare to have such a combination. I also have nice long legs and tapered ankles. Usually you either have big breasts and a flat arse or a big, huge booty and small breasts. So I'm proud, I feel balanced. Something for everybody--breast men, leg men, ass men, whatever. LOL. 

I have NEVER been short on male attention. I have NEVER had that WOE IS ME silly attitude that many voluptuous to large women have, even non overweight women. I wish more women, skinny or large, would have that same attitude. 

I guess it is because I attract (and prefer) hispanic, black, and Arab men who tend to favor the fuller figure of a woman unlike white men. 

I think my weight adds to my beauty since I consider my face to be exquisite. I love my golden skin and sparkly eyes. *


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## AuntHen (Nov 18, 2009)

edit edit edit edit


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## katherine22 (Nov 19, 2009)

fat9276 said:


> edit edit edit edit




There is a man who is interested in me and whenever he talks to me he tells me not to disparage myself about my weight. The irony of this statement is that I no longer disparage myself and haven't for a few years. This man assumed that because I was fat that I must have low self-esteem and secretly hate my body. I have told him several times that I love my body and consider it beautiful, and he still insists that I secretly hate it. I have a desire to sit on his face as a possible assistance to his brain circuitry


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## KittyKitten (Nov 19, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> There is a man who is interested in me and whenever he talks to me he tells me not to disparage myself about my weight. The irony of this statement is that I no longer disparage myself and haven't for a few years. This man assumed that because I was fat that I must have low self-esteem and secretly hate my body. I have told him several times that I love my body and consider it beautiful, and he still insists that I secretly hate it. I have a desire to sit on his face as a possible assistance to his brain circuitry



_*You're not even that big at least from the picture. I guess he assumes that all white women hate their bodies, which is bs.*_


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## Ruffie (Nov 19, 2009)

When I was young I got taught to mistrust guys through a series of experiences. 

I was asked jokingly in classes by members of the sports teams for dates that of course they never showed for. 

I was at a dance once and got asked to dance by one of the popular guys I was crushing on. Part way through the dance I heard snickers and people were pointing at us. Came to find out the asshole was dancing with a 5 dollar bill behind his back waving it either to show he got paid to dance with me or to pay someone to take me off his hands. I was of course humiliated and left the dance floor. My friend Les took him outside and gave him a beating.

As a a result I was a bit of a doormat throughout jr high and high school. I sold myself out to try and be popular doing all the banners for events, coaching the cheerleaders, running the store, doing spirit things on the spirit squad for the school. I could do the bull work but could not be invited to the parties. Just before Graduation I had enough and began to stand for myself. I lost most of my "friends" but it was the start of finding me.


It always though was in the back of my mind as I went to college and guys would approach me that there had to be an agenda behind it all. As a result even when I dated I would not give in a sleep with the guy because what if that was all they wanted from me or what if when they saw me naked they didn't like it. I was still experiencing humiliation one night in a bar 4 guys grabbed me and threw me into the men's washroom and said go suck dicks you fat bitch that is all you are good for. My friend Jerry took these guys out into the parking lot and hung a beating on them and came back in all bloodied and bruised. As I was cleaning him up he stopped me by grabbing my hand and said to me. Ruth I am sorry and I said sorry you just went and defended me against those guys you have nothing to be sorry for. He said oh yes but I do. Until this moment I never thought of you as a woman. You were just my best buddy Ruth and I treated you like one of the guys and for that I am sorry. Even someone as close as we were didn't see me as a woman!
It took my husband who was a friend through photography a passion we both share, to gain my trust and know he loved me for me to get me to understand there were indeed people out there that could love me just as I was and that helped me along with the journey I had begun in high school to be me. I threw away the scale, found NAAFA, started my own acceptance group here, and got vocal. Its still a process but isn't everything in life?


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 19, 2009)

happyface83 said:


> _*You're not even that big at least from the picture. I guess he assumes that all white women hate their bodies, which is bs.*_



Where to begin with this statement...


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## fatgirlflyin (Nov 19, 2009)

womanforconversation said:


> Where to begin with this statement...



Probably the best place to begin is by not even beginning in the first place. Just not worth it...


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## Cors (Nov 19, 2009)

happyface83 said:


> *Not only do I have big knockers but my booty is round and big which is rare to have such a combination. I also have nice long legs and tapered ankles. Usually you either have big breasts and a flat arse or a big, huge booty and small breasts. So I'm proud, I feel balanced. Something for everybody--breast men, leg men, ass men, whatever. LOL. *



I am glad that you are proud of your assets, but I do wonder if you realise that the way you put it across makes those of us who are not so "balanced" feel less than.


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## mossystate (Nov 19, 2009)

Cors said:


> I am glad that you are proud of your assets, but I do wonder if you realise that the way you put it across makes those of us who are not so "balanced" feel less than.



Hmmmm. Yes. Although I do not think her body type is the epitome of perfection ( no such thing, and, a ' belly man ' would not be ' everybody ' in her scenario  ), it is really a rude move. No amount of red will change this fact.


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## AuntHen (Nov 19, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> There is a man who is interested in me and whenever he talks to me he tells me not to disparage myself about my weight. The irony of this statement is that I no longer disparage myself and haven't for a few years. This man assumed that because I was fat that I must have low self-esteem and secretly hate my body. I have told him several times that I love my body and consider it beautiful, and he still insists that I secretly hate it. I have a desire to sit on his face as a possible assistance to his brain circuitry



Katherine, that has to be so annoying. I wonder why he would pursue women he thinks are so "down" on themselves (even secretly) :doh:

I wonder if he says that so you feel grateful to him for liking you? He may internally really feel liking fat women is "wrong" or "weird". It sounds like HE is the one disparaging. Next time tell him you need someone more confident with what they like..see how he takes that...hahaha


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## AuntHen (Nov 19, 2009)

Ruffie said:


> When I was young I got taught to mistrust guys through a series of experiences.
> 
> I was asked jokingly in classes by members of the sports teams for dates that of course they never showed for.
> 
> ...




Wow Ruffie!

I am so sorry you were treated like that!!  I am so glad a REAL man came into your life :happy:


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## Ruffie (Nov 19, 2009)

fat9276 said:


> Wow Ruffie!
> 
> I am so sorry you were treated like that!!  I am so glad a REAL man came into your life :happy:



Thank you. Its been 24 years of marriage and glad to have put the past behind me and moved forward.


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## Tau (Nov 20, 2009)

Ruffie said:


> When I was young I got taught to mistrust guys through a series of experiences.
> 
> I was asked jokingly in classes by members of the sports teams for dates that of course they never showed for.
> 
> ...



*big, big hugz* I want to go back in time and beat the living crap out of all those morons! I'm so, so happy that you've found real happiness and love. 

I confess I've told almost all of the guys who have ever hit on me off because, honestly, they did it wrong! LOL! To clarify: if you hit on me drunk, grope me, fall all over me, and are just generally an ass, then I'm gonna tell you off, I don't care how much you love fat girls. I know its hard for FAs, I really do get that, but even if your'e crippled by shyness don't get drunk and then approach the object of your affections and slur your way through a humiliatingly graphic proposition - you're disrespecting her and yourself.

But there was one guy i still think of just because he approached me at a point where I was just finding my fat girl feet and learning to love myself. That whole day is still bathed in warm summer glow because of him. It was literally the last few days before I started university in Grahamstown and my girl and I were at a Freshers party at her campus. She was and still is one of the most ridiculously beautiful people I've ever met. Men literally fall over themselves trying to get her attention and so I've always felt like Mz Invisible when I'm with her. 

That afternoon I was just chilling on the grass having a giggly conversation with her when this beautiful, beautiful boy came over to us. I kind of switched off cos I figured he was going to talk to her but he didn't . I can't tell you how shocked I was - it's really quite embarrasing to admit that now. He said his name was Xolani and he'd been watching me all day and i was just the most lovely thing he'd laid eyes on in a very long time:blush: I could barely speak, I was honestly at a loss. Then he was like: 'We're leaving now and I'm not going to annoy you and your friend any longer but please take my number - and please call me.' So i took it, still sort of mumbling all thick tongued and stupid, and then he left. I never called him. I left for uni a week later. I still get a twinge of annoyance at myself about him *sigh*


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## Ruffie (Nov 20, 2009)

Ohh Tau that sounds promising. Bet it made your day?


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## AuntHen (Nov 21, 2009)

Tau said:


> *big, big hugz* I want to go back in time and beat the living crap out of all those morons! I'm so, so happy that you've found real happiness and love.
> 
> I confess I've told almost all of the guys who have ever hit on me off because, honestly, they did it wrong! LOL! To clarify: if you hit on me drunk, grope me, fall all over me, and are just generally an ass, then I'm gonna tell you off, I don't care how much you love fat girls. I know its hard for FAs, I really do get that, but even if your'e crippled by shyness don't get drunk and then approach the object of your affections and slur your way through a humiliatingly graphic proposition - you're disrespecting her and yourself.
> 
> ...




Tau... still have the # somewhere? Call him!


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## Tau (Nov 22, 2009)

It was 9 years ago now LOL! But it certainly was a good memory.


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## iamaJenny (Nov 25, 2009)

Ruffie said:


> When I was young I got taught to mistrust guys through a series of experiences.
> 
> I was asked jokingly in classes by members of the sports teams for dates that of course they never showed for.
> 
> ...



When I read your post the first thing I thought was :I am soooooo sorry that you had to go through that. 

The second thing I thought was:

Holy crap. This is me. I have been overweight my entire life and I have always been 2x bigger than all of my classmates. I have had sooo many guys ask me out and then snicker to their friends about it. Just last week this guy walked up to me and said "my friend wants to go out with you" and they were all laughing at me and calling me fat. It was horrible. I always try to be the better person in these scenarios but it did make me really sad. For the rest of the day all I kept thinking was "I hate my body, and I hate how fat am." It was a really suckish day after that incident.

Anyway, as a result of this type of behavior I don't really trust guys all that much. Even when I get compliments from them I never think they are real. 

I also want to add that I am African American but Happyface83's experiences are not my own. I kind of wish they were though. lol

Strangely, enough through out my life I have been treated more rudely by black men, than any other race so I don't think you can really put an ethnicity on this sort of thing. I think people are rude because they just are, and it has nothing to do with skin color. Neither do preferences really. I just think in some cultures certain preferences are celebrated more while in others it can be unspoken. Sure men of color might be KNOWN to like thicker women but I still got/get made fun of...A LOT. 

I don't want to start a pity party but do you guys know that Fergie song "Big girls don't cry"? One of my worst memories is being 10 yrs old and having this boy say really hateful things to me about how fat and ugly I was. I'm really sensitive, so in true "me" nature, I teared up. The boy then proceeded to get the entire bus to sing that old school "big girls don't cry"song by Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons. I was mortified. Needless to say every time I hear that Fergie song, I get a little upset. I mean why the hell can't big girls cry?

All of this rambling is to say that unfortunately for me, I have never found anyone that I feel loves me despite of my size apart from my family members. 

a lot of this could just be me. I have a hard time excepting love because in all honesty I struggle just to love myself. I'm forever thinking "gee, I'd be a great person if I lost 100 pounds.." So maybe I have to be the person who loves me no matter my size and everything else will come after.

Does that make sense?


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## AuntHen (Nov 25, 2009)

iamaJenny said:


> When I read your post the first thing I thought was :I am soooooo sorry that you had to go through that.
> 
> The second thing I thought was:
> 
> ...




Girl, no one should be loved DESPITE whatever... you deserve someone to love you for ALL that you are! If someone puts you down again, just take a deep breath, look them straight in the eye and say "I am sorry you feel so icky inside that you have to take it out on me, but making fun of me won't make you feel better about yourself long term and yes I AM fat but I have people who love me and think I am beautiful... so sorry if you don't, but i'ts not my fault"!!! 

You are great now and totally worth it and beautiful! Tell yourself that every day. A friend of mine always used to say "God don't make junk"!  <big hug>


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## littlefairywren (Nov 25, 2009)

I remember the first time I was "hit on" because of my size. He was a FA, and one of the full on kind I think.....wanted to rub my belly and talk about me eating all the time. It totally freaked me out.

It makes me giggle now, but I was pretty much like "what on earth is wrong with you" kinda thing...."don't you know men don't like fat women" (at least that is what I thought then). 

Although, I still get a suprise when someone pays me a compliment. Just conditioning I think.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 25, 2009)

I tend to get those guys that start talking about how they don't like skinny women......


A warning bell usually goes off in my head. Why in hell are they telling me? Coincidence...I think not......:blink:

I like men that tell me what they like about ME....not fat women in general........


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## Tania (Nov 25, 2009)

Sometimes I get that. I've also gotten more than my fair share of "I'm not usually into bigger women, but you are so amazingly beautiful" backhanded compliment bullshit. Most of the time people don't mention size at all, though, which makes me wonder what they're *really* thinking.


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## steadydecline (Nov 29, 2009)

I've never been hit on by an FA. Or, if I was, I didn't know it. I actually only know a couple FAs in the real world, and all of them are significantly older than I. The man I'm with now isn't an FA (I'm his first fat girl, and though it's a long-term relationship, it still makes me nervous sometimes).


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## superodalisque (Jan 4, 2010)

i have never really dated an FA seriously. i have a lot of friends who are FAs. no one ever approached me in my early life soley based on my fat that i'm aware of. of course i had guys on the street make cat calls but i would never respond to those anyway. so i have no way of knowing if they considered themselves FAs or not. people tend not to be rude to my face. i don't know why but guys i know in person seem to be careful of thier behavior with me. 

i was always comfortable with being fat. i've always liked it. being fat has never been the total focus of shaping my relationships with men. even though i enjoy my body being fat has never been a big deal in my experiences --until i came to dimensions. being fat just been another overall part of being a woman that i like. i'd say that dimensions probably made me less apt to be interested in an FA overall. not because FAs are bad guys. it just makes it seem that they need a lot of propping up to date a fat woman properly and treat her well. i'm just not used to that. but i think thats only because a lot of guys who come here are still in the process of finding themselves and are generally still pretty unsure of who they are as men. they appear to tend to need other people's approval a lot. at this stage in my life thats just not what i'm looking for in a guy. 

also dimensions seems to make it seem like FAs are only interested in body parts. i understand thats the preference and what dims is here for. dims should be here for that. but in terms of really meeting someone, for me, that is not the ideal circumstance. i need more out of a guy than just that he likes my body. a lot of people can fit that mold for every woman in here. the women here are all beautiful and sexy. there is nothing really that special about a guy being sexually attracted to any woman here. but what is special is when a guy has a real connection to you in a way where he can walk the walk. i just wouldn't confuse people here talking the talk of body parts with actually caring. 

in general i don't think the real problem is the size of the body. its how you really feel deep down about your body and your womanhood as a whole. people sense it. if you find yourself sexually and spiritually attractive other people will too. its good to be in an environment that helps you to get there. but in the process i feel its important not to forget other vital parts of yourself in the process--no matter how thats encouraged. living in and loving your body is so important to happiness but i don't feel its any real fix if it only comes through the eyes of others and you are required to sacrifice important parts of yourself.


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## AuntHen (Jan 4, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i have never really dated an FA seriously. i have a lot of friends who are FAs. no one ever approached me in my early life soley based on my fat that i'm aware of. of course i had guys on the street make cat calls but i would never respond to those anyway. so i have no way of knowing if they considered themselves FAs or not. people tend not to be rude to my face. i don't know why but guys i know in person seem to be careful of thier behavior with me.
> 
> i was always comfortable with being fat. i've always liked it. being fat has never been the total focus of shaping my relationships with men. even though i enjoy my body being fat has never been a big deal in my experiences --until i came to dimensions. being fat just been another overall part of being a woman that i like. i'd say that dimensions probably made me less apt to be interested in an FA overall. not because FAs are bad guys. it just makes it seem that they need a lot of propping up to date a fat woman properly and treat her well. i'm just not used to that. but i think thats only because a lot of guys who come here are still in the process of finding themselves and are generally still pretty unsure of who they are as men. they appear to tend to need other people's approval a lot. at this stage in my life thats just not what i'm looking for in a guy.
> 
> ...



You are so right... I want to be "the whole package" to someone :happy:


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## katherine22 (Jan 5, 2010)

I have lived a life of few regrets; however, the most painful regret I have is not having self-love and self-acceptance when I was a young woman. I cringe at the thought of it. Whether I was fat or thin, and I was both I never saw myself as attractive or desirable. Since I believed that I was fundamentally ugly, all my energy went into studying art and cultivating my mind to the exclusion of relationships. If a man showed any interest in me I concluded that he was crazy or a pervert. It is a mystery that I managed to get married, and my husband insisted that it was my intellect that attracted him not my body. Self acceptance began the day when I held my new born son. He was so perfect to me that I had to consider that he could not come from someone so defective. 

I still feel the pain of that body hatred. Today I am more accepting of myself, and I love my body and adore that fact that I see this chubby woman when I walk past a store window. Self acceptance came late, and I lost those years when I could have enjoyed being a femme fatale.


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## Tracyarts (Jan 5, 2010)

For me, it is the flip side of the coin. Any man who told me or led me to believe that he was interested in me only because of my body size (be it thin or fat) didn't get to stay in my life for very long. I didn't need them. Sometimes I considered them "casual dates" and felt that they were fine for the good times and ego boosts, but they weren't relationship material. I never seemed to have trouble finding somebody to be in a relationship with who was interested in the whole package and didn't freak out and lose his attraction to me or get all controlling over it if I started to change my appearance in some way. If somebody wanted to get to know me because they were really into one specific aspect of my appearance (weight, height, build, hair, fashion sense, etc...) I would look for clues as to whether it was an obsession or just an initial attraction that had something of substance to back it up. 

Tracy


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## superodalisque (Jan 5, 2010)

katherine22 said:


> I have lived a life of few regrets; however, the most painful regret I have is not having self-love and self-acceptance when I was a young woman. I cringe at the thought of it. Whether I was fat or thin, and I was both I never saw myself as attractive or desirable. Since I believed that I was fundamentally ugly, all my energy went into studying art and cultivating my mind to the exclusion of relationships. If a man showed any interest in me I concluded that he was crazy or a pervert. It is a mystery that I managed to get married, and my husband insisted that it was my intellect that attracted him not my body. Self acceptance began the day when I held my new born son. He was so perfect to me that I had to consider that he could not come from someone so defective.
> 
> I still feel the pain of that body hatred. Today I am more accepting of myself, and I love my body and adore that fact that I see this chubby woman when I walk past a store window. Self acceptance came late, and I lost those years when I could have enjoyed being a femme fatale.



they wouldn't let me rep you again. but i think you are still a femme fatale beautiful woman.


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## Carrie (Jan 6, 2010)

Oy, the old "FAs are only interested in fat!" chestnut. The thing is, yeah, there are some fat-obsessed ones out there with a gift for making a woman feel like a faceless pile of lard. A fair number of them, in fact, and it feels kind of awful when you meet one. You feel objectified, and uncomfortable, dehumanized, and just... icky, for lack of a better word. I think they're not much different than non-FAs that are obsessed with breasts, or asses, or whatever, to the point of caring more about the physical attribute(s) than the person to whom they belong. Why should this community be any different than the rest of the world? We have great guys and not-so-great guys, and the same can be said for the women. But with some pretty basic common sense, it's not difficult to figure out which FAs are in it just for the fat, and which are as picky as you or I in terms of personality, intelligence, humor, etc., are looking for a real connection with a woman AND happen to be attracted to/turned on by the fat female figure. The latter situation, when you find it, is amazing. What's _not_ to like about a man finding YOU, as a person, beautiful, and the package you're wrapped in hot as fuck? Sign me up, please. 

Being fat doesn't mean you're obligated to date a FA, far from it. I just have known and dated some very fine men who happened to be FAs, and it kind of hurts my heart a little to think how they must feel when reading some of the things we say about them, like all they're interested in in a woman is fat. It's not always a walk in the park, being an open FA, and the jerky FAs who ARE only in it for the fat just make it harder for the decent guys to navigate around this community, which really chaps my ass. And truthfully, it offends me a bit to read the sweeping generalizations about FAs, because I date FAs exclusively. A lot of you are pretty familiar with me by now. Do I seem like a woman who would be happily dehumanized and objectified, and doesn't require anything in a mate but that he love fat? Yikes. If that were true, I'd date a hell of a lot more than I do. 

I think being into FAs or not is a very personal choice, and that's how it should be. I totally respect a fat woman's choice not to date them, if she's not comfortable with it. I just get tired of the same old broad brush being used time after time to paint all FAs the same way - and as a result, the fat women who do date/partner/whatever with them.


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## AnnMarie (Jan 6, 2010)

Carrie said:


> ... and the jerky FAs who ARE only in it for the fat...




I would write jerky guys. 

They are not FAs in my opinion. There's more to that term than just liking fat, and the of the label (more used as an accusation and term of derision around here rather than a simple descriptor of a person who prefers large partners) is the biggest issue here. 

I still fully agree - there are shit FAs (people) and great ones (people) - they're not all good or all bad, but this whole "it's only about fat and nothing else" - that's not an FA. That's a tool.


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## mossystate (Jan 6, 2010)

There are WAY too many halos offered at the shrine of fa'ness ( not talking individuals...talkin' about the Official Label ). lol The jerk who prefers fat people...is a jerk who prefers fat people. I don't come here thinking that, because I am fat, I float above the clouds. Why should simply being an fa get a person more applause. I call BS on the thinking that the term fa is used all over the place with a sneer. I think that what sometimes happens is that there are fa's who hide behind that label, thinking that's all they really have to be, and that fat people should be grateful. I personally have never even given much thought to the silly idea that if a person prefers fat people...omg!...that must be all they like!! The Fat!! Nevermind the heart...soul...brain...all most of 'em want is that dere fat. I get the being oversensitive, but, really, I mostly see people who are dealing with individuals, and attitudes that stem from some who wear the label and think that's all they have to do to be adored. ( this happens with some fat people, too ) Being an fa is about liking the fat body......everything else, good or bad, comes from what is inside the person....the things that are there no matter the package a man or woman prefers.


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## superodalisque (Jan 6, 2010)

AnnMarie said:


> I would write jerky guys.
> 
> They are not FAs in my opinion. There's more to that term than just liking fat, and the of the label (more used as an accusation and term of derision around here rather than a simple descriptor of a person who prefers large partners) is the biggest issue here.
> 
> I still fully agree - there are shit FAs (people) and great ones (people) - they're not all good or all bad, but this whole "it's only about fat and nothing else" - that's not an FA. That's a tool.



you know i'm beginning to think that might be true myself. that quite a few of those guys might not be really FAs for another reason. of course the ones who treat BBWs badly are just guys who are low lifes overall and feel fat women are easy targets. i was talking to an FA friend of mine one night and he kind of brought something else to my attention. he asked me if i noticed that when those guys show at an event that they will often go for the thin girls that happen to be there. he believes they are just loser guys who think they can't get the time of day unless they can find a woman who feels bad about herself. a lot of them are probably under the misconception that you can easily find fat women who are desperate and easily manipulated. he was saying that the guys who are really FAs aren't generally there for the thin girls and don't really pay them much attention there even if they are the type who likes a variety of sizes. why? because when they do go to an event they are making a special effort to meet big girls in particular. so it really doesn't make much sense to take the trouble to do all the traveling and go to all that expense just to spend the entire time running after the LBWs (little beautiful women) who often show up to support thier friends. so some of those guys might not really be FAs in any sense whatsoever.


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## calauria (Jan 11, 2010)

iamaJenny said:


> When I read your post the first thing I thought was :I am soooooo sorry that you had to go through that.
> 
> The second thing I thought was:
> 
> ...



i'm sorry you have to go through such things. at least you have family who loves you. i don't even have that. i don't have people outwardly making fun of me, but they might as well, because of they way they treat me, then i have to get really ugly with them to get them out of my life.

i don't trust guys either, i always think they are "up to something" when they ask me out. usually they want to lure me somewhere to talk me into having sex or try to force me into having sex.

but what usually surprise me are when those "model" type guys hit on me. i don't know whether to take them seriously or not...i feel afraid like they might hurt me or something....i don't know....


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