# Is it like being gay?



## Silversnake418 (Jul 19, 2007)

One of my friends and I were talking about my preference. He asked me if it's kind of like being bi (I enjoy both plump and thing girls)? I thought about this and I would say no. Being gay or bisexual is a bigger leap in change than this I suppose. But what do you guys think?


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## Emma (Jul 19, 2007)

Depends, doing you think being gay is a preference or is it a bit more than that?


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## Fish (Jul 19, 2007)

Actually, there's one way it CAN be similar that pops immediately to mind. 

While my prefrence has been with bbw's since I knew what a prefrence WAS, I never really discussed it with my friends or when it WAS brought up, it was never elaborated that there's really no upper size limit on my attractions.

When I started drawing my big girl pieces earlier in the year, it was in many respects, a "Coming out", and more than a couple of friends were seriously freaked out by my tastes and stopped hanging around. The SCALE of the situation may be different, but it just goes to show how a lot of people just can't deal with anyone being different from them.


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## Lucky Jackson (Jul 19, 2007)

interesting that, can't comment on the gay angle, but I'm guessing that gay people are simply the most drawn to their own sex, I am attracted to all kinds of women, but by far the most (and I mean like 10,000 miles ahead) the physical attribute that attracts me to a women is size. Its not a conscious decision its just what drives me wild, and I mean it does its like a drug to me, so if being gay is like that then I'd say yes it is the same. I get really annoyed with people who refer to it as a fetish, because I think thats really disrespectful to bigger women, its a lifestyle and its one that chooses you, you don't choose it, but by god I'm happy I was chosen, I feel like I'm in on a secret knowing that big women are the most beautiful, so it feels more special.... does any of that make sense or am I just a lone babbling fool who should go home and hide?


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## Ned Sonntag (Jul 19, 2007)

Silversnake418 said:


> One of my friends and I were talking about my preference. He asked me if it's kind of like being bi (I enjoy both plump and thing girls)? I thought about this and I would say no. Being gay or bisexual is a bigger leap in change than this I suppose. But what do you guys think?


 Bi? So "thing girls" are like, chicks w/ dicks? Like, Miss Thing has a big... thing? It may be a Tunnel Vision thing where you focus more and more on your fetish as you grow older...:shocked:


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## loggamatt (Jul 19, 2007)

Silversnake418 said:


> One of my friends and I were talking about my preference. He asked me if it's kind of like being bi (I enjoy both plump and thing girls)? I thought about this and I would say no. Being gay or bisexual is a bigger leap in change than this I suppose. But what do you guys think?



mmm... interesting. Yes, I think very much so, being an FA is a lot like being gay. From my own perspective, I did not choose to be an FA, being an FA chose me... lol. And I believe that is the same for gay people. Gay people go to gay and lesbian clubs; I go to BBW club nights. Gay people belong to sites like Gaydar; I belong to Dimensions.

Gay people often have problems 'coming out of the closet' about their preferences to family and friends, and I believe a lot of FAs do as well. In my case, my friends have always been fine and accepting of me being an FA, I don't know what they say about it behind my back but I don't care either really, that sort of thing is human nature. So long as they're accepting of it in front of me, and in front of any BBW I happen to be dating I'm happy, and they are. 

But my family is a different matter, especially my mother, finds it very difficult to accept me being an FA. And what's interesting is that my parents are fairly liberal, accepting people. They wouldn't have a problem with me dating someone of a different race for example, and, it occurs to me that they might not have such a problem if I were gay. Once when I had a big fight with my Mum about a girl I was dating's size, I was talking to my Dad about it and he said something like "It's a difficult thing... obesity... it's the one thing that it's still not acceptable to be in society..." And, to cut a long story short, this is why I think that it's easier in many ways to be gay than an FA, because homosexuality is now to a large extent socially acceptable, while being an FA, BBW or BHM, sadly, isn't.

But, disclaimer... lol... this sounds like I'm being very negative about being an FA, and I promise I'm not. Being an FA has led my life in many interesting directions and become a big part of my identity, so I don't regret being an FA for a minute. I'm just identifying some of the challenges for FAs.


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## Jon Blaze (Jul 19, 2007)

Just a post that kind of goes well that I posted on another board (With a few extra modifications):
It's different for everyone really.
I accept and use the term "Preference" as very loose in that it can represent Preference/Requirement/*"Kink"*. Pretty much anything beyond fetish (Either way: Whether someone occasionally drifts, or is completely stuck on it to the point that they would date a bag of fat/bones rather than a human por ejemple), in my opinion.
I think this site covers everything above the norm when it comes to what most are looking for. The thing is: I think for most people, it is loose to the point that it is either a kink or a preference, and not necessarily a requirement.
As for me:
I prefer larger women of many varying degrees. I like thin women as well. My preference is always there, but I keep myself open at all times. I can only think about my preference when things get a bit more heated, and that's really only a reflection. That's with whatever size really. I don't think any weight can be truly synonymous with beauty: Only certain women within them (And that's only to me by the way: Everyone is beautiful in their own way.  )
"Do I find this woman attractive or no? Can I ever?" -That's the kind of things I ask myself when I think things might go farther with a person.
I do recognize that thin women can physically attract me in ways that are sometimes different than that of larger women (Of which I sometimes use the term "Spectra" to describe how I separate the two groups), but it's not like a "Who is better" situation. There's women on both sides that allure me, just as there are some for xyz reasons that I don't find physically attractive. Sure you can say that larger women are higher in numbers when it comes to the amount that can attract me, but numbers aren't everything (And are sometimes highly inaccurate: Like BMI. ).
I can't say my preference is genetic really either. I had way too much fat hatred being a good thing for others thrown in my face when I was younger (Which may be a piece to why I have my views maybe, but that would just be a piece). One day I just started going down the road (After a few situations that sort of made me think about it [In addition to my equality views]). The girl that got me into Fat Admiration was actually just a thin woman with a large tummy: Then I started making my progression. I usually outline that I have a "Strong Lean" towards larger women, because FAs tend to be stereotyped as hating thin women (Some do, but that's not what it's about obviously). That, and I use "Non-exclusive" to describe my preference, because some people don't believe I can truly be an FA because I have a very open mind.  
Requirement, in my opinion, is obviously as it stands: No women of xyz weight or range of x-y weight.
Preference, in my opinion, is a state where you know that you are more likely to be attracted to a certain size or shape, but you don't make it a requirement in relationships necessarily.
*Kink* is a new term I've come in contact with. Someone on the Dims board mentioned it. He said that he has a strong attraction towards larger women, and while he generally doesn't find thin women attractive, he realizes that it is possible (Though very very hard...) for him to fall in love with a thin woman. He says she would have to be a damn good woman, but to me that example would have to be that "One."

Sable from bigcuties: 5'5" and almost 460ish: GOD DANG!   
Princesslissa from princesslissa.com: 5'3" and 240. "Look at that girl right there! Goodness gracious, Ohhh! THAT GIRL FINE MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Oh she know she's fine too!"   
Supathickmami- I don't know her stats, pero yo se eso la chica es muy caliente y belleza!! :wubu: 
One of my acquaintances named Alex: 5'8" and 110 at the most. As I said in one of my blog entries: "I would rather go deaf and blind, then turn her down if she wanted to get close." (I'm not obsessing over her, but Holy Beautiful Batman...)

ZOMGZ LONG POST!  

Anyway... I think it really depends on the person if you wish to compare. There's certain things that cause certain features and behaviors to come out in a person, but if they are never tapped: They may never surface. As I said before, I don't believe I was born to prefer larger women, but now I do. I don't think it will change either. Some people may have factors that began with them as they were born, but many do not. I think it's a case-by-case thing.

Comparing the two on a level of how strong, or how they surface is probably valid, but I think that homosexuality is not the best comparison for some people because I think it can imply that Fat Admiration is not only out of the norm, but it's meant to be out of the norm, and radical.

But I'm for Size Acceptance/Equality, and Gay Rights (As a straight ally ^_^), so I can't say I know how people will respond.


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## Observer (Jul 19, 2007)

For some, not all, men FA tendancies are not just preferences. They are definitely hardwired in the same sense that some homosexuals claim that their preferences are.

I knew I was mentally attracted to chubby girls as opposed to really skinny ones as early as the fourth grade. It wasn't consciously sexual, but I thought they were prettier, and given a choice I would pick them to talk and play with over ones who were rail thin. I never refused to associate with anybody, but that preference remainedwith me through teen years and into college, until at one point I finally even sought counseling to see if I was "normal." 

Fortunately the counselor was wise enough to ask a few questions to be sure I wasn't a predator of some type, then gave me some good avice - "What kind of people you like is your business - there's no "right" or "wrong" about it. Do what you're comfortable with, but just understand that bigger women have unique circumstances in today's world. They have had to deal with their own self-awareness enough already. They don't need to be reminded of it; if they don't discuss their weight don't bring it up - if they do just be supportive."

I did that, had many BBW friendships. I finally married a very special one and we raised a family and now enjoy the pribilege of spoiling the grandkids. She's still the woman I wake up to in the morning and she knows I love her. Fortunately the feeling is mutual.


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## B-Enhanced (Jul 19, 2007)

Fish said:


> ...more than a couple of friends were seriously freaked out by my tastes and stopped hanging around. The SCALE of the situation may be different, but it just goes to show how a lot of people just can't deal with anyone being different from them.


 

Been there and done that. My 'friends' consisted of mostly people I worked with at a place for 20 years. We were all pretty close and frequently hung out together in larger and smaller groups. Evenings and weekends. Most of my friends were women. Once I 'came out' I felt ostracized by most of them. They were the ones who brought up the upper limit part. I wasn't really included anymore and it all felt different. I work somewhere else these past 8 years and really only keep in touch with 2 of the originals. The only ones who didn't see an issue with it. I also don't really bring up my preference much in my current situation. Not for any real reason except that it isn't much of a social environment. I have been there 8 years and still don't really know anyone. I eat lunch with 3 guys that talk baseball non-stop. I listen, comment some but still don't know or care much about it. There are a few people here that know me personally and I tend to be on the shy side. 

I just do my own thing now. If someone should bring it up, I'll talk about it. Mostly I keep to myself.


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## Observer (Jul 19, 2007)

Brian, that is so unfortunately the necessity. You have to broadcast your preference by example, not public declaration of it. We live is a fatophobic society that can't understand that some people actually like it. People can tell my wife and I love each other - but few realize that her weight is actually an attraction to me, not something I see past and accept because of her "other good qualities." 

Fortunately others generally don't make weight an issue for either of us (I'm today a BHM in my own right). She's strong enough in personality today that she just dresses well, is friendly and reasonably assertive, and deals with others in the expectation they'll eiher accept her or its their loss. And so far as I know they always have.


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## ashmamma84 (Jul 19, 2007)

Never really thought about it --but I know that as a lesbian, my attraction to women (Babe, specifically) is hardwired. I always knew that I was different and even when I was younger and didn't have the verbal capability to call it what it was...I just knew something about me was different from the rest. As far as my family is concerned they are very accepting, however, I don't know if society really is --I mean, people say fat is the last acceptable choice of discrimination, but I wholeheartedly disagree. And maybe that's because while I don't live in a supersized body, I do live in one that's quite plump and I don't really get stares for being fat or wearing clothes that are too revealing; but I'm willing to bet money that if the masses saw two women in a tender embrace, kissing passionately...their stomachs might turn.


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## imfree (Jul 19, 2007)

As a rather profoundly FA man, I really believe preference for a fat partner
is very much like preference for a partner of the same sex. I think a person's
sexual preference is based on a complex interaction of genetics, environmental
influences, and the individual's own mind.


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## Lucky Jackson (Jul 19, 2007)

ashmamma84 said:


> Never really thought about it --but I know that as a lesbian, my attraction to women (Babe, specifically) is hardwired.



So are you attarcted to BBW'S? (sorry if I'm being dull I dunno who Babe is) cus if you are then it strikes me your in an excellent position to shed a first hand knowledge of whether the feelings are the same, but you didn't really say anything on that?



ashmamma84 said:


> if the masses saw two women in a tender embrace, kissing passionately...their stomachs might turn.



Thanksfully/Hopefully none of those kinda horrible negative people are here


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## Sandie S-R (Jul 19, 2007)

Silversnake418 said:


> One of my friends and I were talking about my preference. He asked me if it's kind of like being bi (I enjoy both plump and thing girls)? I thought about this and I would say no. Being gay or bisexual is a bigger leap in change than this I suppose. But what do you guys think?



Most FAs seem to feel that their "preferrence" is hard wired. Most have said that they have known since they were first able to be aware that it was a bigger girl that held their attention and fascination. So I guess in that sense, you could say it is like being gay; the brain being hard wired toward a sexual preferrence in partners.


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## stan_der_man (Jul 19, 2007)

Silversnake418 said:


> One of my friends and I were talking about my preference. He asked me if it's kind of like being bi (I enjoy both plump and thing girls)? I thought about this and I would say no. Being gay or bisexual is a bigger leap in change than this I suppose. But what do you guys think?



In some ways yes. I've actually used this comparison before, but mostly in how people react to my preference as a FA. In high school I didn't date that much because there weren't many fat girls, and the ones that there were had long term steady boyfriends. A friend of mine told me that some people wondered if I was gay because I wasn't attracted to the typical girls that the other guys were attracted to. I actually had some good friends that were girls, probably because I didn't make sexual advances towards them. My dad wasn't into sports, so I didn't know much about sports, that also caused the tendency to hang around girls because I often didn't have much to discuss with the typical guys.

I don't honestly know what's it like for a gay person to "out" themselves, but I found that "outing" myself as a FA was often met with repulsion, or the "blank look" as I call it. (Blank look as in... "huh?!"... "WTF.. how could anybody be attracted to fat women?" sort of look.) I imagine that is how gay people are treated.

Stan


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## ashmamma84 (Jul 19, 2007)

Lucky Jackson said:


> So are you attarcted to BBW'S? (sorry if I'm being dull I dunno who Babe is) cus if you are then it strikes me your in an excellent position to shed a first hand knowledge of whether the feelings are the same, but you didn't really say anything on that?
> 
> 
> 
> Thanksfully/Hopefully none of those kinda horrible negative people are here



I admire beauty in all forms...but mostly I find myself attracted to tall, athletic types. And no, Babe isn't a bbw; she's an average size.


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## Zoom (Jul 19, 2007)

One obvious thing that sets the types apart is that fat attraction is not spoken badly of (or even really mentioned) in the Bible. Except there's a passage that looks unfavorably upon those who "worship the belly"... but I thought that was just about food and maybe gluttony, and not fatness _per se_.


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## imfree (Jul 19, 2007)

Zoom said:


> One obvious thing that sets the types apart is that fat attraction is not spoken badly of (or even really mentioned) in the Bible. Except there's a passage that looks unfavorably upon those who "worship the belly"... but I thought that was just about food and maybe gluttony, and not fatness _per se_.




Hey, Zoom, I've also heard that one interpreted to mean "indulge in bodily
lusts to the exclusion of serving Christ".


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## Stiffler (Jul 19, 2007)

Here is my reply and many of you may think I am totally nuts. I don't think it is being bi at all, women are women. I have dated women of all sizes but always had a preference. I believe that nature does have some say in this whole thing, I think that throughout nature the strongest males sought the women that were the healthiest and that had the best chances of reproducing (ohhh I know I am going to get slammed). I am a average size, muscular male and the women with some softness always caught my eye....can't explain it but they did. I do know that I as an adult grew very tired of the media portraying what is attractive to me. Why must there always be some justification for our preference? I just like very pretty women....be they fat, skinny, short or tall but my preference is a factor. I never considered my preference a bi behavior. Sorry pal but the two couldn't be more different to me....a soft, sexy, gorgeous, feminine woman or a dude. Night and Day.


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## diggers1917 (Jul 20, 2007)

Being attracted to both fat and slimmer girls may be comparable to being bi (in my case, anyway, though its rare for me to be genuinely attracted to a skinny girl). Yes women are women, but the attraction is very different depending on whether she is plump or skinny - and it does sometimes feel like a seperate sexuality as you look for different things in the different types, just as I imagine a bi-sexual seeks very different features in men to the ones they look for in women. 
I really should sleep.


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## Jack Skellington (Jul 20, 2007)

"Is it like being gay?"

Yeah, sure. But without the fashion sense.


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## T_Devil (Jul 20, 2007)

Jack Skellington said:


> "Is it like being gay?"
> 
> Yeah, sure. But without the fashion sense.


That statement For The Win!


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## gangstadawg (Jul 20, 2007)

Fish said:


> Actually, there's one way it CAN be similar that pops immediately to mind.
> 
> While my prefrence has been with bbw's since I knew what a prefrence WAS, I never really discussed it with my friends or when it WAS brought up, it was never elaborated that there's really no upper size limit on my attractions.
> 
> When I started drawing my big girl pieces earlier in the year, it was in many respects, a "Coming out", and more than a couple of friends were seriously freaked out by my tastes and stopped hanging around. The SCALE of the situation may be different, but it just goes to show how a lot of people just can't deal with anyone being different from them.



i have never had friends that decided not to be my friend because i like fat girls. thats got to be the lamest reason to screw over a friendship. next thing you know FAs are going to be getting attacked or getting into fist fights because of there preference.


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## gangstadawg (Jul 20, 2007)

loggamatt said:


> mmm... interesting. Yes, I think very much so, being an FA is a lot like being gay. From my own perspective, I did not choose to be an FA, being an FA chose me... lol. And I believe that is the same for gay people. Gay people go to gay and lesbian clubs; I go to BBW club nights. Gay people belong to sites like Gaydar; I belong to Dimensions.
> 
> Gay people often have problems 'coming out of the closet' about their preferences to family and friends, and I believe a lot of FAs do as well. In my case, my friends have always been fine and accepting of me being an FA, I don't know what they say about it behind my back but I don't care either really, that sort of thing is human nature. So long as they're accepting of it in front of me, and in front of any BBW I happen to be dating I'm happy, and they are.
> 
> ...


umm i wouldnt say all that. gays have gotten physically attacked because they are gay. i have yet to hear about a FA getting jumped or bum rushed. and really the majority of fat hatred is not towards the FAs its toward the BBWs. so really FAs have no reason to hide in the closet.


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## gangstadawg (Jul 20, 2007)

Stiffler said:


> Here is my reply and many of you may think I am totally nuts. I don't think it is being bi at all, women are women. I have dated women of all sizes but always had a preference. I believe that nature does have some say in this whole thing, I think that throughout nature the strongest males sought the women that were the healthiest and that had the best chances of reproducing (ohhh I know I am going to get slammed). I am a average size, muscular male and the women with some softness always caught my eye....can't explain it but they did. I do know that I as an adult grew very tired of the media portraying what is attractive to me. Why must there always be some justification for our preference? I just like very pretty women....be they fat, skinny, short or tall but my preference is a factor. I never considered my preference a bi behavior. Sorry pal but the two couldn't be more different to me....a soft, sexy, gorgeous, feminine woman or a dude. Night and Day.


agree its more like apples and oranges.


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## gangstadawg (Jul 20, 2007)

diggers1917 said:


> Being attracted to both fat and slimmer girls may be comparable to being bi (in my case, anyway, though its rare for me to be genuinely attracted to a skinny girl). Yes women are women, but the attraction is very different depending on whether she is plump or skinny - and it does sometimes feel like a seperate sexuality as you look for different things in the different types, just as I imagine a bi-sexual seeks very different features in men to the ones they look for in women.
> I really should sleep.


unless the bi sexual really is a pan-sexual.


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## Friday (Jul 20, 2007)

diggers1917 said:


> ...just as I imagine a bi-sexual seeks very different features in men to the ones they look for in women.



Very, very perceptive and thought provoking. Thank you!


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## Jon Blaze (Jul 20, 2007)

Someone on Y! Answers said rather than being completely genetic or based around conditioning, he said being gay was like a personality "Trait" or "Type." I think maybe that can be said about this as well.


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## fatgirl33 (Jul 20, 2007)

gangstadawg said:


> umm i wouldnt say all that. gays have gotten physically attacked because they are gay. i have yet to hear about a FA getting jumped or bum rushed. and really the majority of fat hatred is not towards the FAs its toward the BBWs. so really FAs have no reason to hide in the closet.



Thanks for pointing this out. This topic seems to come up every 6-8 months, and as a BBW, FA and gay person, it offends me very slightly in that it compares the hardship faced by FAs & overweight people with the those of queers.

Although I am fully aware that fat people (including myself) face some discrimination, unkindness, etc., I don't think it even begins to compare to what the queer community has had to deal with.

The only similarity between being an FA and being gay/lesbian is that they are both "outside the norm," and as a result there are a lot of us still "in the closet." Beyond that veil of secrecy, they are very, very different.

I've had to defend my lifestyle of being with another woman, and (even worse!! :shocked: ) having a child, on several occasions. It doesn't help that we're both fat, but the hatred and anger aren't directed at us because of our weight... although that probably adds fuel to the fire.

Just my 2 cents,
Brenda


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## Lucky Jackson (Jul 20, 2007)

diggers1917 said:


> Being attracted to both fat and slimmer girls may be comparable to being bi (in my case, anyway, though its rare for me to be genuinely attracted to a skinny girl).
> 
> 
> > Hmmm yeah I agree with this, so maybe it seems to me that there are degrees of FA, I mean I can find a skinny girl attractive, or a plump girl, but the reaction I have in my chest and my stomarch and er..... elsewhere, that tells me I fancy the pants off of a girl is always to the bigger girls, so maybe I'm like 90% FA and others are less (so I'm thinking the ones that are less FA are a bit bi in their size preferecnes) (90%... hmmm I think I'm being hard on myself, maybe its more like 99%)
> ...


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## This1Yankee (Jul 20, 2007)

Insteresting percentages. Kind of makes my head a bit swimmy. Anyway, I was just discussing this the other day with someone, and while I am not an FA, I would kind of lump them into the same category. They both are dealing with sexual preference, both go against mainstream ideology, most people are initially embarassed by both preferences, etc. I see many similarities.

However, I was informed that while it is a marked difference in popular preference to like fat girls, it's not necessarily something that needs to be _told _to everyone in the way that a homosexual preference might be. A man can still have children naturally, we are DEFINITELY still women and hold all of the characteristics of a woman (w00t!), so the FA preference really doesn't affect anyone else, except all of the thin girls who are missing out 

But I can see how still hold some of the same stigma and may come with very similar peer pressure.


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## loggamatt (Jul 20, 2007)

gangstadawg said:


> umm i wouldnt say all that. gays have gotten physically attacked because they are gay. i have yet to hear about a FA getting jumped or bum rushed. and really the majority of fat hatred is not towards the FAs its toward the BBWs. so really FAs have no reason to hide in the closet.



Fair enough.

Don't get me wrong though, I am very much out of the FA closet and can't remember really ever being in it.

Picking up from Brenda's post as well, I guess this possibly is a cultural thing. I'm not saying that homosexuality is universally accepted in the UK by a long stretch, but I think the issue is complicated more in the US by religion as the UK tends to be a more secular society, or at least, doesn't have the same level of ultra-conservative Christian fundamentalism. So, I apologise for suggesting that homosexuality is universally accepted based purely on how accepted it is amongst most of my friends (who tend to be liberal middle class Brits).

BUT... the point I was trying to make is that homosexuality is at least recognised by almost everyone, and to some extent almost everyone understands what the term 'gay' means. I bet if you do a quick poll of people in the street, only 1 in 100 knows what an 'FA' is. So while I was mistaken to suggest that being gay is universally accepted now, there is a gradual trend towards acceptance of homosexuality. Not too long ago, it was illegal in many cultures, but gradually things are improving. Whereas, if anything, acceptance of FAs is on the decrease as western society becomes ever more obsessed about being thin, and the health risks of being fat.

And in my experience, it is not enough simply to live by example as a FA and simply date BBW. Because, people inevitably ask about it... if not friends, then certainly family... and eventually you do have to say "yes, I am attracted to bigger women". I think Gangstadawg, possibly you are making the same mistake that I made, only in reverse  Perhaps for you, it is no big deal to your friends and family that you like BBW, perhaps no-one has had a problem with it, and no-one has put you in a position where you've needed to have a 'coming out of the closet' moment. And I think you assume that is the way it is universally (as I wrongly assumed my views on homosexuality were), but unfortunately that's not the case. A lot of FAs have unfortunately been ostracised by their peers, and suffered emotional bullying from family members because of their preference.

Anyway, there's no need for anyone to get into a pissing contest about what's tougher, being an FA or gay, and I'm sorry if I started one. I think the reality is that it depends on your culture, and the views of your friends/family. For me, I believe that it would be easier if I were gay, but I'm sure if I lived in a particularly conservative and Christian part of the US, for example, it would be easier to be an FA.


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## Jane (Jul 20, 2007)

No, its not the same.

Being a FA does not run as great a risk of getting you killed.


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## Waxwing (Jul 20, 2007)

Jane said:


> No, its not the same.
> 
> Being a FA does not run as great a risk of getting you killed.



Correct.

And the argument that most people don't know what an "FA" is, is just nitpicking about terminology. People would understand if you said "I like fat women."


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## stan_der_man (Jul 20, 2007)

Jane said:


> No, its not the same.
> 
> Being a FA does not run as great a risk of getting you killed.



No doubt that being gay is a much more serious thing, especially in cultures where "machisimo" still predominates. The risks that gay people face are clearly far greater than what FAs do. But there are distinct parallels that can't be denied, such as the ridicule, lack of understanding, and isolation that FAs receive. Also gay people tend to gravitate towards communities that are welcoming to them (San Francisco, W. Hollywood, wherever...). I think that is one of the reasons Dimensions is so successful, it's one of the few friendly places that FAs can openly express their ideas and feelings. That's why I'm here.

Stan


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## loggamatt (Jul 20, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> Correct.
> 
> And the argument that most people don't know what an "FA" is, is just nitpicking about terminology. People would understand if you said "I like fat women."



Fine 

But would they REALLY understand it? Chances are, you'd be the first person they know who likes fat women... so, "why do you like fat women? Do you think they have nicer personalities than thin women? Do you think they're 'easier' then thin women?" It takes a lot to convince people that you really are physically attracted to fat women. I bet that in most cases gay people find it easier to convince people that they really are physically attracted to other men (/ other women). As understanding increases about homosexuality, ignorance is increasingly moved to the extreme fringes of society. There is little understanding of being an FA in mainstream society and thus ignorance of being an FA (and I don't just mean the term... substitute the term 'FA' for 'liking fat women' if you like) is still prevalent.

And, as for people getting killed... is this really the experience of the majority of homosexual people? I can't help feeling that we're just talking about an extreme minority of incidents here. Don't get me wrong, it is shocking and I am as saddened by this as anyone else. But I don't think it is indicative of what the MAJORITY of gay people have to face, and thus should not be used as the counterpoint of what the majority of FAs have to face.

But perhaps I'm wrong. I'm not gay. If gay contributers to this thread tell me that they live in fear for their lives due to their sexual orientation then I will accept that I'm wrong.

However, at the very least, it is an issue that stems from certain geographical/cultural factors. As I've said before, this issue no doubt varies depending on where you live. I certainly don't know of any gay people who have been killed in or around my local community.


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## Jane (Jul 20, 2007)

loggamatt said:


> Fine
> 
> But would they REALLY understand it? Chances are, you'd be the first person they know who likes fat women... so, "why do you like fat women? Do you think they have nicer personalities than thin women? Do you think they're 'easier' then thin women?" It takes a lot to convince people that you really are physically attracted to fat women. I bet that in most cases gay people find it easier to convince people that they really are physically attracted to other men (/ other women). As understanding increases about homosexuality, ignorance is increasingly moved to the extreme fringes of society. There is little understanding of being an FA in mainstream society and thus ignorance of being an FA (and I don't just mean the term... substitute the term 'FA' for 'liking fat women' if you like) is still prevalent.
> 
> ...



Perhaps if they try to tell their friends they like fat guys its just as hard to explain.


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## Durin (Jul 20, 2007)

Every so often this topic comes up. Is an FA like being Gay.

Short Answer is No.

I have no idea what it would be like to be Gay. I do know what it is to be an FA. 

One of the most annoying correlary's or perhaps quirks of being an FA is seeing the world in a completely different light than everyone else.

Let's say you go to a Movie. You find all the actresses pretty but not sexy at all, unless they gained about 200lbs. Now if you were Gay and went to that movie you might find the leading man sexy for your tastes.

If you are an FA you get nothing. Nothing. Pop culture gives you nothing. Maybe on a good day the movie industry will throw in a fat friend you can oogle but never in an overtly sexual way.

Because, you aren't supposed to find the fat friend sexy.

Got it, you get Nothing.

That's the difference, the FA is the invisible man.


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## loggamatt (Jul 20, 2007)

Jane said:


> Perhaps if they try to tell their friends they like fat guys its just as hard to explain.



lol... that is true! And, with the range of revolting prejudices that still do exist in this world you have to feel sorry for any agnostic gay chubby chasing nudists from ethnic minorities who live in particularly convervative parts of the world!


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## loggamatt (Jul 20, 2007)

Durin said:


> Every so often this topic comes up. Is an FA like being Gay.
> 
> Short Answer is No.
> 
> ...



Very well said!


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## stan_der_man (Jul 20, 2007)

Durin said:


> ... the FA is the invisible man.



Very good analogy Durin! I'm giving reps for that one.

Stan


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## Waxwing (Jul 20, 2007)

loggamatt said:


> Fine
> 
> But would they REALLY understand it? Chances are, you'd be the first person they know who likes fat women... so, "why do you like fat women? Do you think they have nicer personalities than thin women? Do you think they're 'easier' then thin women?" It takes a lot to convince people that you really are physically attracted to fat women. I bet that in most cases gay people find it easier to convince people that they really are physically attracted to other men (/ other women). As understanding increases about homosexuality, ignorance is increasingly moved to the extreme fringes of society. There is little understanding of being an FA in mainstream society and thus ignorance of being an FA (and I don't just mean the term... substitute the term 'FA' for 'liking fat women' if you like) is still prevalent.



I hear you. Sometimes I forget how stupid people can be. Why can't people just like what they like? Sheesh!

Oh well at least we have fun here on the fringe.


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## Jane (Jul 20, 2007)

loggamatt said:


> lol... that is true! And, with the range of revolting prejudices that still do exist in this world you have to feel sorry for any agnostic gay chubby chasing nudists from ethnic minorities who live in particularly convervative parts of the world!



You just described half my friends.


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## ashmamma84 (Jul 20, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> No doubt that being gay is a much more serious thing, especially in cultures where "machisimo" still predominates. The risks that gay people face are clearly far greater than what FAs do. But there are distinct parallels that can't be denied, such as the ridicule, lack of understanding, and isolation that FAs receive. Also gay people tend to gravitate towards communities that are welcoming to them (San Francisco, W. Hollywood, wherever...). I think that is one of the reasons Dimensions is so successful, it's one of the few friendly places that FAs can openly express their ideas and feelings. That's why I'm here.
> 
> Stan



Uh...in short, no. You aren't gay so I don't think that's a fair assessment to make. There is indeed ridicule, lack of understanding, and isolation that comes along with being gay. I am gay, and thankfully, I do live in a major metropolitan area, but I can't help but think of teens who live in rural Iowa or someplace else that are suicidal, because they feel is if there is just no way out. Everywhere isn't as open and as accepting as the picture you've just painted...and as a fat lesbian, I just don't see the parallels.


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## samestar (Jul 20, 2007)

I agree with Durin. An FA is an invisible man. My beautiful wife is a BBW, but she hates the way she looks. She's going for the weight loss surgery (health reasons) so I'm losing there too. I love her to death, so that won't change when she does. However, she has always pointed out women who are much "sexier" than she thinks she is. Naturally they are thin. She's glad when I tell her she looks sexy to me, but she thinks no one else would ever think that. She won't wear shorts or skirts in public. Sleeveless blouses are out 'cuz she hates her "flabby arms". Music videos, movies and even TV shows all try to show "thin is in" but I'm not buying it. I've loved fat forever, and always will.


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## This1Yankee (Jul 20, 2007)

loggamatt said:


> Fine
> 
> But would they REALLY understand it? Chances are, you'd be the first person they know who likes fat women... so, "why do you like fat women? Do you think they have nicer personalities than thin women? Do you think they're 'easier' then thin women?" It takes a lot to convince people that you really are physically attracted to fat women. I bet that in most cases gay people find it easier to convince people that they really are physically attracted to other men (/ other women). As understanding increases about homosexuality, ignorance is increasingly moved to the extreme fringes of society. There is little understanding of being an FA in mainstream society and thus ignorance of being an FA (and I don't just mean the term... substitute the term 'FA' for 'liking fat women' if you like) is still prevalent.


 

The was a beginning to the "Gay" movement as well. At one point, they fielded that same questions...."Are men easier?", "Is it because neither of you can get a woman?"...it's par for the course.

And the reason there is little understanding of being an "FA" is the same reason why, at one point, there was little understanding AND compassion for those proclaiming homosexuality. The more prevalent it became, the more people understood, or at least tolerated.


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## gangstadawg (Jul 20, 2007)

loggamatt said:


> Fair enough.
> 
> Don't get me wrong though, I am very much out of the FA closet and can't remember really ever being in it.
> 
> ...


might be because i live a black community (im blacK) so its prolly why i havnt went through a lot of shit about it because african americans at least most are not that bad toward the overweight. wait just thought up some thing i did have a altercation almost happen about a year ago at the movie theater when i was taking a girl out on a date and that was because i was with a big girl.

edit: i forgot to mention that the only family members that give me shit about my preference is my gay uncle (i hate him) and my grandma which actually thinks that being an FA is a gay trait (her words not mine)


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## Santaclear (Jul 20, 2007)

I don't think it's like being gay. I've always liked women of all sizes. I just like fat women um, better so why settle for less?


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## gangstadawg (Jul 20, 2007)

and to add the last thing we should be doing is comparing being an Fa to being gay. some people already think its a gay trait i dont know how any one could have created that saying since it makes no sense.

i found 1 idiot seems to be posting on various boards spouting this
his name is feczor (or feckzor)
1st link look near the bottom of the comments
http://girlspoke.com/2007/05/09/whats-with-guys-who-only-date-fat-chicks/

and youtube on some stupid ass video

http://www.youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments&v=OUzvmJUNQSY look near the end of the comments


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## stan_der_man (Jul 20, 2007)

ashmamma84 said:


> Uh...in short, no. You aren't gay so I don't think that's a fair assessment to make. There is indeed ridicule, lack of understanding, and isolation that comes along with being gay. I am gay, and thankfully, I do live in a major metropolitan area, but I can't help but think of teens who live in rural Iowa or someplace else that are suicidal, because they feel is if there is just no way out. Everywhere isn't as open and as accepting as the picture you've just painted...and as a fat lesbian, I just don't see the parallels.



In all fairness Ashmamma, you aren't a male heterosexual FA either so there may be some aspects of that which you don't see. I never claimed to fully understand what it is like to be gay, but I do work in a place where I have good interaction with gay people, and I personally know some. A few years ago one of the students here (who is gay) knew the guy who was killed in Wyoming (a well publicized case of a murder specifically targeting someone gay...). He was very shaken by that, I'm well aware of what gay people have to deal with. Being a FA isn't  the same as being gay, but there are some parallels as I stated earlier.

Stan


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## butch (Jul 20, 2007)

I don't have time to go into it, but I will say as a queer fat woman who likes other fat folks, I have found my friends and family accept my queerness more than my appreciation for fat people. I find the area in which I live to mirror this, as well.

And, as far as gay teens in rural spots thinking about suicide, I was a fat teen in a major metropolitan area who did try suicide, so all experiences are realtive. The fact remains that there is a huge stigma attached to being fat or being with a fat person that is only intensifying with the 'war on obesity' rhetoric at the same time that homosexuality is gaining more tolerance in certain western cultures. I wonder if the America or Britian of the future might see an increase in fat-related violence? Just a hypothetical question, not something that I am proposing will happen.


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## Friday (Jul 20, 2007)

loggamatt said:


> Fine
> And, as for people getting killed... is this really the experience of the majority of homosexual people? I can't help feeling that we're just talking about an extreme minority of incidents here. Don't get me wrong, it is shocking and I am as saddened by this as anyone else. But I don't think it is indicative of what the MAJORITY of gay people have to face, and thus should not be used as the counterpoint of what the majority of FAs have to face.
> 
> But perhaps I'm wrong. I'm not gay. If gay contributers to this thread tell me that they live in fear for their lives due to their sexual orientation then I will accept that I'm wrong.



You are wrong. I know lesbian GI's that have been raped and left in the snow to die (not unusual while on duty in Korea), gays and lesbians who have been beaten and mentally and emotionally abused by their own parents because of their orientation, people who have lost jobs and been run out of their homes. Is it a majority of them? Probably not. But how many GLBT's have had to limit where they go, what they do and who they do it with because of fear of the reaction of total strangers? An FA may choose not to be in public with a date because s/he is afraid of riducule, but they don't have to worry about physical attacks or losing jobs and homes.


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## gangstadawg (Jul 20, 2007)

butch said:


> I don't have time to go into it, but I will say as a queer fat woman who likes other fat folks, I have found my friends and family accept my queerness more than my appreciation for fat people. I find the area in which I live to mirror this, as well.
> 
> And, as far as gay teens in rural spots thinking about suicide, I was a fat teen in a major metropolitan area who did try suicide, so all experiences are realtive. The fact remains that there is a huge stigma attached to being fat or being with a fat person that is only intensifying with the 'war on obesity' rhetoric at the same time that homosexuality is gaining more tolerance in certain western cultures. I wonder if the America or Britian of the future might see an increase in fat-related violence? Just a hypothetical question, not something that I am proposing will happen.


but this isnt about being fat is like being gay. we are talking about is being an FA like being gay. is there any record of any FA commiting suicide because of his preferance?


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## gangstadawg (Jul 20, 2007)

Friday said:


> You are wrong. I know lesbian GI's that have been raped and left in the snow to die (not unusual while on duty in Korea), gays and lesbians who have been beaten and mentally and emotionally abused by their own parents because of their orientation, people who have lost jobs and been run out of their homes. Is it a majority of them? Probably not. But how many GLBT's have had to limit where they go, what they do and who they do it with because of fear of the reaction of total strangers? An FA may choose not to be in public with a date because s/he is afraid of riducule, but they don't have to worry about physical attacks or losing jobs and homes.


speaking of jobs im starting to question whether my myspace page is making it where i cant get employed. i know how some hiring managers look at myspace pages to also help determine if the person is ok to hire.


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## Santaclear (Jul 20, 2007)

Reading this thread is making me feel kinda gay. Just saying.


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## stan_der_man (Jul 20, 2007)

Santaclear said:


> Reading this thread is making me feel kinda gay. Just saying.



For what it's worth Santaclear, I'm attracted to your inner beauty.

fa_man_stan


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## love dubh (Jul 20, 2007)

loggamatt said:


> And, to cut a long story short, this is why I think that it's easier in many ways to be gay than an FA, because homosexuality is now to a large extent socially acceptable, while being an FA, BBW or BHM, sadly, isn't.



I think Matthew Shepard, and the countless others maimed and murdered for their sexual orientation, would beg to differ. Oh, and those that have physically harmed themselves by using drugs, alcohol, mutilation, and suicide to assuage the pain would chime in there too.

Own up to your preference; tell your parents/friends that belittling your partners is off-limits, and never stop reinforcing that.


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## fatgirl33 (Jul 20, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> Being a FA isn't  the same as being gay, but there are some parallels as I stated earlier.



I agree, there are some paralllels, but being an FA is an entirely different league from from being gay. The risk of being hurt, victimized or killed for being an FA are very slim. They are substantially greater for being gay.

Both groups are outside of the mainstream, but the plight of the FA is far more pedestrian than that of the gay/lesbian community.

Brenda


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## gameguy (Jul 20, 2007)

Fish said:


> While my prefrence has been with bbw's since I knew what a prefrence WAS, I never really discussed it with my friends or when it WAS brought up, it was never elaborated that there's really no upper size limit on my attractions.
> 
> When I started drawing my big girl pieces earlier in the year, it was in many respects, a "Coming out", and more than a couple of friends were seriously freaked out by my tastes and stopped hanging around. The SCALE of the situation may be different, but it just goes to show how a lot of people just can't deal with anyone being different from them.



I agree. I have always been comfortable with my preference for BBWs but always felt as if I needed to keep my opinions on the matter to myself. Growing up, if I shared my opinions on a particular woman "with the guys" it just led to mockery and arguments. My friends learned to accept it, but just didn't want to hear about it. Seriously, after knowing my feelings on the matter for more than thirty year, I have never had a guy friend to talk to about this subject.

It's not like being gay, but I do understand the connection.


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## Leonard (Jul 20, 2007)

Jack Skellington said:


> "Is it like being gay?"
> 
> Yeah, sure. But without the fashion sense.



Or the lynch mobs.


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## Friday (Jul 20, 2007)

Or being told you're going to burn in Hell.


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## BBWDREAMLOVER (Jul 20, 2007)

Silversnake418 said:


> One of my friends and I were talking about my preference. He asked me if it's kind of like being bi (I enjoy both plump and thing girls)? I thought about this and I would say no. Being gay or bisexual is a bigger leap in change than this I suppose. But what do you guys think?


My son is gay and just like if he liked big/thin girls it effects your life in the same way........ it effects your personal relationships with friends/family and others you come in contact with throughout your life. Sad to say but once people find out your gay, FA or whatever your sexual partner preference is your immediately judged to their standards in their minds. So in that way I'd say yes it's very similar............Thats the only way I could find it being the same.


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## Leonard (Jul 21, 2007)

Jack Skellington said:


> "Is it like being gay?"
> 
> Yeah, sure. But without the fashion sense.





Friday said:


> Or being told you're going to burn in Hell.



Or the parade. 

Damn it! I want a parade!


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## Littleghost (Jul 21, 2007)

Ned Sonntag said:


> Bi? So "thing girls" are like, chicks w/ dicks? Like, Miss Thing has a big... thing? It may be a Tunnel Vision thing where you focus more and more on your fetish as you grow older...:shocked:


I think he meant "thin".


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## Observer (Jul 21, 2007)

Both the gay/lesbian and the FA/BHM/BBW communities are outside the mainstream and those in them share a risk of being ostracized by others. It therefore takes a certain degree of effort to come out of the closet and proclaim to the world "this is who I am and I'm not changing."

They are also similar in that, at least for some, being a part of either community is a hardwired reality from youth, not a conscious choice that can be undone.

That said, we have to admit that putting up with the hatred from godhatesfags.com is harder than the nonsense on myfatspouse.com (both actual websites based on hating the respective communities).

On the other hand , the gay/lesbian community doesn't have a multi billion dollar industry running ads about their lifestyle being an epidemic or everyone from the surgeon general to the school nurse pushing them to feel guilty. The gay/lesbian community may not get SO health benefits, but at least they're not denied coverage as frequently occurs to people of size.

The two communities are distinct, with some crossover because some people are part of both. But the areas of self-acceptance and the path thereto I think are similar.It will be a wonderful day when the "normal" folk can be happy without having to pick on or reject those who are in some manner different from the presumed "norm."


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## stan_der_man (Jul 21, 2007)

Observer said:


> ...
> On the other hand , the gay/lesbian community doesn't have a multi billion dollar industry running ads about their lifestyle being an epidemic or everyone from the surgeon general to the school nurse pushing them to feel guilty. The gay/lesbian community may not get SO health benefits, but at least they're not denied coverage as frequently occurs to people of size.
> ...
> "


That brings up an interesting point (forgive my straying from the thread's theme... and again, not underestimating the threats facing gay people...) Gay people have much more support than FAs do, especially male FAs. There are numerous support groups, SIGs and websites for gay people (certainly in the U.S.) I have searched the web for FA support groups or SIGs, I have found none. NAAFA doesn't even have a FA SIG any more, Dimensions is an extension of what used to be the FA SIG. Even Dimensions doesn't have a specific board for (thin) male FAs. There is only the BHM/FFA Board, nothing specifically for (non BHM...in other words - thin) male FAs. Obviously it's presumed that the entire Dimensions website is dedicated to male FAs, but there really isn't a "safe haven", even within Dimensions where our opinions (as thin male FAs) aren't exposing us to potential potshots from critics.

It helps us thin, male FAs build charactor I suppose. 

Stan


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## butch (Jul 21, 2007)

gangstadawg said:


> but this isnt about being fat is like being gay. we are talking about is being an FA like being gay. is there any record of any FA commiting suicide because of his preferance?



True, but I mentioned as a fat person who desires other fat people, I can't speak about my preferences to friends and family and get the acceptance that I get for speaking about my preferences for the same gender, so of course my own experience (hence the comment about all experiences being relative) suggest that both my size and my desire for others of a similar size was as painful to me, if not more so, than my same sex desires as a teenager. Would I have felt so bad had I not been attracted to fat people but still was fat myself? Who knows, but I though being fat and an FFA/FA made my particular experiences just as pertinent as a thin FA's or a non-FA queer person to this question.

How would we know if a teen FA committed suicide? There are no statistics kept for this (nor are there statistics kept about how many fat teens kill themselves?). GLBT organizations keep tallies of queer youth suicide, but no one tracks yearly suicide rates for fat people or FAs. How would we know here (from personal knowledge), if this is an 18+ website, if a FA teen committed suicide? And my post was about youth and suicide, not adults. 

But yeah, for ME only, I see a fair amount of commonality between my two orientations, but do not speak for others nor did I say that my opinion should be anyone else's but my own.


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## Jane (Jul 21, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> That brings up an interesting point (forgive my straying from the thread's theme... and again, not underestimating the threats facing gay people...) Gay people have much more support than FAs do, especially male FAs. There are numerous support groups, SIGs and websites for gay people (certainly in the U.S.) I have searched the web for FA support groups or SIGs, I have found none. NAAFA doesn't even have a FA SIG any more, Dimensions is an extension of what used to be the FA SIG. Even Dimensions doesn't have a specific board for (thin) male FAs. There is only the BHM/FFA Board, nothing specifically for (non BHM...in other words - thin) male FAs. Obviously it's presumed that the entire Dimensions website is dedicated to male FAs, but there really isn't a "safe haven", even within Dimensions where our opinions (as thin male FAs) aren't exposing us to potential potshots from critics.
> 
> It helps us thin, male FAs build charactor I suppose.
> 
> Stan



And, it has taken decades of fighting tooth and nail to get those supports in place.

It didn't happen by hiding their preference.


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## Friday (Jul 21, 2007)

Observer said:


> On the other hand , the gay/lesbian community doesn't have a multi billion dollar industry running ads about their lifestyle being an epidemic or everyone from the surgeon general to the school nurse pushing them to feel guilty.



On the contrary, I doubt I could name a multi billion dollar industry bigger than organized religion, the majority of which still claims homosexuality is a sin.


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## butch (Jul 21, 2007)

Friday said:


> On the contrary, I doubt I could name a multi billion dollar industry bigger than organized religion, the majority of which still claims homosexuality is a sin.



Oh yes, that deserves rep, but I can't give it out right now. Hadn't even thought of it that way.


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## Jane (Jul 21, 2007)

Friday said:


> On the contrary, I doubt I could name a multi billion dollar industry bigger than organized religion, the majority of which still claims homosexuality is a sin.



Excellent observation.


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## stan_der_man (Jul 21, 2007)

Jane said:


> And, it has taken decades of fighting tooth and nail to get those supports in place.
> 
> It didn't happen by hiding their preference.



Good point Jane. Another parallel that gays and FAs have is that staying in the closet helps neither their cause nor themselves.

Stan


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## IceTeaPrincess (Jul 21, 2007)

I think that gay people are more open to danger from hate crimes, but they are much much much more supported by the media. The media in general loves gay people probably because there are so many in the entertainment world. Entertainment media certainly responds MUCH better to say, that guy from N'Sync outing himself as a gay man than a celebrity gaining a lot of weight.
The media in general is much much nastier about fat people. 
It is socially "not okay" to go around wearing a shirt that says "Stab All Gay People!" but it is okay to wear a shirt that says "Save The Whales: Harpoon A Fat Chick!" 

Either slogan on a shirt would be dis-gust-ing.

That Isaiah Washington guy said a gay slur & got fired from his tv show, if an actor said "Fat people disgust me", would they be fired? I don't think so.

I'm just saying I think fat hatred is much more expressed in the media.


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## fatgirl33 (Jul 21, 2007)

Leonard LePage said:


> Or the parade.
> 
> Damn it! I want a parade!



Now THAT is something we should start working on - establishing a Fat Parade! That would be wonderful!

Brenda
PS: There were a lot of sexy, big people on display at Toronto's Pride parade, so it was almost the best of both worlds for me...


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## gangstadawg (Jul 21, 2007)

IceTeaPrincess said:


> I think that gay people are more open to danger from hate crimes, but they are much much much more supported by the media. The media in general loves gay people probably because there are so many in the entertainment world. Entertainment media certainly responds MUCH better to say, that guy from N'Sync outing himself as a gay man than a celebrity gaining a lot of weight.
> The media in general is much much nastier about fat people.
> It is socially "not okay" to go around wearing a shirt that says "Stab All Gay People!" but it is okay to wear a shirt that says "Save The Whales: Harpoon A Fat Chick!"
> 
> ...


co-sign good points


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## Zoom (Jul 21, 2007)

fatgirl33 said:


> Now THAT is something we should start working on - establishing a Fat Parade! That would be wonderful!


A Fat Pride Parade is a great idea, but it'll never happen in the kind of numbers that we need to make fat admiration worth serious consideration in the media.

Likely many of you remember the Million Pound March, but dollars to donuts the media doesn't.


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## Stiffler (Jul 21, 2007)

Santaclear said:


> I don't think it's like being gay. I've always liked women of all sizes. I just like fat women um, better so why settle for less?


 
I'm with you dude, I guess if I were exclusively drawn to fat women I might think differently but the current gorgeous woman that has my eye who happens to be a very wonderful bbw has seen some of my old girlfriends and I think she has been pleasantly surprised that I am into beautiful women. She has seen the different sizes. I do have a preference but if I find a woman beautiful inside and out I don't pass her by because she's not fat, and if I find a beautiful woman that is beautiful inside and out that happens to be more of a goddess with a soft, round shape she gets my eye. I guess I find this thread weird because I have never even thought about the two being anything closely related. I respect gay people and their desires and their right to happiness and normalcy but I just don't see the connection.


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## FatKatLuvr (Jul 22, 2007)

Silversnake418 said:


> One of my friends and I were talking about my preference. He asked me if it's kind of like being bi (I enjoy both plump and thing girls)? I thought about this and I would say no. Being gay or bisexual is a bigger leap in change than this I suppose. But what do you guys think?



Hi, everyone. I've been away from the forum for a few months but check in every now then. There are those of you who are familiar with me through my previous posts, already know that I'm not only an FA but a double FA in the sense because I'm bisexual and attracted to both SSBBW and SSBHM. Others would say FA/ChubbyChaser. So many titles! 

I feel I have a very unique perspective on the attraction and have used my knowledge and experience to help enlighten others in the forums whenever the opportunity arises. This particular thread caught my eye so I quite naturally have to respond. Hmmm, where to begin? there have been so many interesting spins on the replies, some accurate and some presumptions. This is my following response:

Being bi IS different than being gay. Being gay by definition means that one is attracted to the same sex. In the gay community it is understood that that means that one is "strictly, primarily" attracted to the same sex. No wavering or fence straddling, no confusion. Being Bi, by definition means that one is attracted to both the same sex and the opposite sex EQUALLY. 

The original poster's analogy is questioning whether being an FA is like being gay or bi. To this I would say yes. Because being an FA comes with it the similar acceptance stigmas faced by gay/lesbian/bi preferences. Acceptance of one's own personal tastes, the acceptance from friends and family and lastly acceptance from society. 

I read a reply from another poster here, that FA's shouldn't have to hide their preference. What that poster doesn't understand is that not everyone has the immediate courage it takes to stand alone and proclaim with pride and unwavering certainty that they are attracted to someone that society in a major way says is unacceptable and wrong and even disgusting. Not everyone has the fortitude to carry the pain of reject that can be faced from friends and family and the world around them. Sometimes fear of "possible loss" is greater than the fear of trying at all. There are people who have lost the love and respect from those around them simply because they are somehow "different". The one thing that you must remember is that whatever is in the closet can and does eventually come out of the closet, in it's OWN time. LOL For some it's a process and for others it's been as easy as humming a tune.

I've been very fortunate to have the courage to stand-up from the very beginning of realization, about my preferences and be open to a degree. Let me clarify: While I am fully open to my family and the world about my attraction to SSBBW, I'm more private about my attraction to SSBHM. Do I contradict myself here? No. Just because I don't announce to the world around me that I'm also attracted to SSBHM doesn't mean I'm "in the closet about it". It's a private matter of who I'm with in bed or otherwise. Others immediately think of sex, instead of thinking about the socialization or fellowship of human contact. Sometimes it can just be about a hug. To me it means that I don't feel it's anyone else's business to know this. While understanding that my openness about SSBBW is headlined because it is my first attraction and people take immediate notice to who I'm with, it gets questioned immediately. I've had verbal fights with people I don't even know, about my attraction to SSBBW and with some family members as well. As I'm sure gay/lesbian/ bi individuals have faced the same and much worse. 

Revealing something personal is never easy as it seems.

Since I am married to a SSBBW. She is the only person I feel I have to "answer to" about my bisexuality. And she is aware and is fully accepting of it because it's a part of who I am. Unconditional Love Is A Beautiful Thing!
Allowing the person that you are with the power to be themselves to their fullest potential (without prejudice) is the greatest gift that one can give in a relationship. No matter what the relationship.

For me being attracted to both SSBBW and SSBHM, I SEE no difference, of course there is the issue of genitalia. But for me that is not an issue or a factor. Being Bi means that I am comfortable with both genders but don't see the difference as much as I see the similarities. For me it's the physical nature, size and shape and form. Also being an artist I see large people as "full of shape" as opposed to the society's rant that they're "out of shape". I see the beauty in large bellies and full breast and heavy legs, wide overly bulbuous buttocks or not, fat fingers, massive arms and big dimpled, cute faces. For me , it's about the person ,inside and especially the outside. Not inspite of it. That's my spin. For most bisexuals it is the ability to be comfortable with either gender sexually, it's not about singling out one or the other it's about the comfort of human contact, it doesn't matter the gender.

So, this brings me to the issue of FA's that are attracted to both fat women and skinny women. The reason these particular FA's are definitely similar to Bisexual behavior is because they are attracted to the woman without the issue of size being a factor in the same way bisexuals are attracted to both sexes without genitalia being a factor. Most gays/lesbian are not accepting of Bisexuals because they feel the that bisexuals are "straddling the fence" or basically not making a clear distinction as to which individual gender they would rather be with. Gay/Lesbians feel that bisexuals are really homosexuals who haven't really become comfortable with their own homosexuality, so they "play the two against the middle". So to speak. This sadly is a misconception by the gay community. Jerry Springer doesn't make it any easier for true bixsexuals because of the flip-flopping that his show "portrays" as "bisexuality".

I'm not going to be PC here. So hold on. Personally, I don't believe in calling guys who like both fat women and skinny respectively, FA's. To me it's a hard line drawn (Sorry, J.B. and S.S., nothing personal), I don't consider such guys to be true FA's. Maybe there should be another term invented like Semi-FA or Biscantovolumisexual or something.:blink:  Although, I don't agree with the terminology. I do feel that I have to respect those who feel the way they do, as I would want the same respect.

I know I'm going to catch hell for the other statement. But as indicated, it's nothing personal against these individuals, it's a matter of clear definition. Which I know makes me sound no different than gays/lesbians who are not accepting of Bi's.:doh: Ironic, is it not? 

So, it just goes to show that no matter what the preference, we all have similar experiences within each one. Hopefully, one day the judging society will not be so judgmental, as more commonalities are realized.

Respect the differences, respect the similarities and keep going!-Peace

FatKatLuvr:bow:


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## Les Toil (Jul 22, 2007)

Silversnake418 said:


> One of my friends and I were talking about my preference. He asked me if it's kind of like being bi (I enjoy both plump and thing girls)? I thought about this and I would say no. Being gay or bisexual is a bigger leap in change than this I suppose. But what do you guys think?




It's hard not to not judge the intellect of your friend if he's posing stupid questions like that, Silver. Being bi deals with two different genders. Liking women of all different sizes simply means you like women. 

I personally like women of all sizes with a strong preference towards the large. When I see men being picky and finicky about a woman's size, it makes me question his heterosexuality.


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## gangstadawg (Jul 22, 2007)

FatKatLuvr said:


> Hi, everyone. I've been away from the forum for a few months but check in every now then. There are those of you who are familiar with me through my previous posts, already know that I'm not only an FA but a double FA in the sense because I'm bisexual and attracted to both SSBBW and SSBHM. Others would say FA/ChubbyChaser. So many titles!
> 
> I feel I have a very unique perspective on the attraction and have used my knowledge and experience to help enlighten others in the forums whenever the opportunity arises. This particular thread caught my eye so I quite naturally have to respond. Hmmm, where to begin? there have been so many interesting spins on the replies, some accurate and some presumptions. This is my following response:
> 
> ...


forgot to add the deffinition of pan-sexual in there to0. just kidding.


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## bigplaidpants (Jul 23, 2007)

FatKatLuvr said:


> ....
> 
> I'm not going to be PC here. So hold on. Personally, I don't believe in calling guys who like both fat women and skinny respectively, FA's. To me it's a hard line drawn (Sorry, J.B. and S.S., nothing personal), I don't consider such guys to be true FA's. Maybe there should be another term invented like Semi-FA or Biscantovolumisexual or something.:blink:  .....



FatKat, I appreciate your generous and disclosive post. 

You are not alone on your definition of a FA. AnnMarie has said the same in a discussion about "bi-sizual" FA's. Look here. Check out this thread  under the important threads thread for a deeper discussion.


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## diggers1917 (Jul 23, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> FatKat, I appreciate your generous and disclosive post.
> 
> You are not alone on your definition of a FA. AnnMarie has said the same in a discussion about "bi-sizual" FA's. Look here. Check out this thread  under the important threads thread for a deeper discussion.



I'd have to disagree, or at least disagree regarding guys whose primary attraction is to fat women (or men), but who are _capable_ of appreciating another form of beauty. To me, occaisionally seeing a slimmer girl who is not repulsive throws me out of the FA 'club' no more then picking up a bass guitar stops me being a 'classical' musician (depending on how skilled people think I am they may choose to put the quotation marks somewhere else, but the point stands), or saying a funny man is no longer a comedian because he said something serious. 
It would seem (not suprisingly) that my assumptions about bi-sexuality were inaccurate (bear in mind I'd been awake for about 32hrs straight when I wrote the last post). Speaking for myself I consider myself an FA who, over the years, has managed to find beauty in his thinner female friends (while usually* someone's appearance may attract me to learn about their personality, in these cases the personality allowed me to see beyond my own narrow preference. Ocaisionally after this the two overlap in the form of feeder-y fantasy, but they are seperate, not an all-encompassing sexuallity as Bi-sexuality has been described here).
Maybe there is some truth in bi-sizuality with people for whom size is genuinely not an issue. I am not a 'semi FA', not only because semi-anything implies 'half a person', I'm an FA with something on the side. I don't 'sit on the fence' - I'm quite firmly on one side of it, its just that I can look over it and occaisionally smile.


God, I really should wake up properly before trying to engage in conversation.


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## bigplaidpants (Jul 23, 2007)

diggers1917 said:


> I'd have to disagree, or at least disagree regarding guys whose primary attraction is to fat women (or men), but who are _capable_ of appreciating another form of beauty. To me, occaisionally seeing a slimmer girl who is not repulsive throws me out of the FA 'club' no more then picking up a bass guitar stops me being a 'classical' musician (depending on how skilled people think I am they may choose to put the quotation marks somewhere else, but the point stands), or saying a funny man is no longer a comedian because he said something serious.
> It would seem (not suprisingly) that my assumptions about bi-sexuality were inaccurate (bear in mind I'd been awake for about 32hrs straight when I wrote the last post). Speaking for myself I consider myself an FA who, over the years, has managed to find beauty in his thinner female friends (while usually* someone's appearance may attract me to learn about their personality, in these cases the personality allowed me to see beyond my own narrow preference. Ocaisionally after this the two overlap in the form of feeder-y fantasy, but they are seperate, not an all-encompassing sexuallity as Bi-sexuality has been described here).
> Maybe there is some truth in bi-sizuality with people for whom size is genuinely not an issue. I am not a 'semi FA', not only because semi-anything implies 'half a person', I'm an FA with something on the side. I don't 'sit on the fence' - I'm quite firmly on one side of it, its just that I can look over it and occaisionally smile.
> 
> ...



diggers. Greetings. Thanks for posting. I'm not sure I'm prepared, nor want to, champion this debate over the definition of a FA right here or right now. This debate is reoccurs from time to time on these boards. The consensus, I think, is that there's something enduring and "different" about being a FA.

For some of us....our attempts to sustain an enduring sense of sexual attraction for someone without the size, bulges, or folds of a fat person are simply marked again and again with failure. FA's are diverse creatures. Sure. But, a FA is a fat admirer. The attention to size, bulge, folds, and sensuousness of a fat person colors everything else. It defines our sense of sexual fantasy and physical attraction.

I'm not going to argue with percentages how much someone should like fat folk only or have a marginal or even occasional "appreciation for another form of beauty" in order to be a FA. This would be a long and tedious debate. Your term "appreciation" misses the point, however, I think. Furthermore, definitions so easily get caught up in the politics of exclusivity and inclusivity (see "identity politics") and become debates unto themselves. FatKat's example of how bi- folk are often viewed in the gay community exemplifies identity politics beautifully.

A FA adores fat. Both terms may be imprecise, but they are strong enough, i think, for the general public to be determinant. For me, the aesthetics and sensuousness of fat folk is something enduring, basic, and libidinal. Arguing exceptions eventually proves the rule, I think.

I have considerable respect for the amount of care and thought that went into the above threads I referenced. I was a part of them, and it was one of the best threads I've participated in on these boards. To resurrect a discussion like this, I think I'd want all parties to revisit them again.

A belated "Welcome to the boards!"


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## This1Yankee (Jul 23, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> diggers. Greetings. Thanks for posting. I'm not sure I'm prepared, nor want to, champion this debate over the definition of a FA right here or right now. This debate is reoccurs from time to time on these boards. The consensus, I think, is that there's something enduring and "different" about being a FA.
> 
> For some of us....our attempts to sustain an enduring sense of sexual attraction for someone without the size, bulges, or folds of a fat person are simply marked again and again with failure. FA's are diverse creatures. Sure. But, a FA is a fat admirer. The attention to size, bulge, folds, and sensuousness of a fat person colors everything else. It defines our sense of sexual fantasy and physical attraction.
> 
> ...


 

I can't rep you, but something about your post here makes me all warm inside...like, the comforted kind of warm. Thx


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## bigplaidpants (Jul 23, 2007)

This1Yankee said:


> I can't rep you, but something about your post here makes me all warm inside...like, the comforted kind of warm. Thx



 

"Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters"
- so lengthened.


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## diggers1917 (Jul 23, 2007)

Hey BPP,thanks for replying to such an ill-thought-out post. I suppose, having spent years (like a few here, I suspect) looking at themselves and thinking 'freak', then finally finding a name for (what I think) I am and becoming comfortable with myself, I get somewhat defensive at any (percieved) attack on that identity. Propably being a lower class person who walks in very middle class circles thus preventing me from fitting in in either group reinforces that defensiveness, not to be (metaphorically) thrown out of a group that I identify with so strongly. Added to that, being a socialist, I'm a part of the most divided, fractured ideology possibly in all history with tons of splintering and infighting over who are the 'true, hardcore' types and who are the traitors and outsiders and I'm not immune to such activities. That experience, while not turning me against said ideology, does make me warry of attempts to splinter groups and divide what are shared identities. Many may, with good reason, disagree with me, but I regard the Church of the FA as a broad one (no pun intended).


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## Jon Blaze (Jul 23, 2007)

I really didn't want to jump in to this. I avoided that thread for months, because of what it came to. (SIGH) Now I have to throw in my thoughts.

"The selecting of someone or something over another or others. b. The right or chance to so choose. c. Someone or something so chosen."

That's what I have. On the basis of sheer numbers, you can say that I am more than likely to be attracted to a larger, than a thinner woman. That being the case, my preference is non-exclusive.

For a small amount of time (About a year), I was exclusive. I was still in the closet back then, but there was a period where I found that thinner women were unattractive to me. The thing is, however, that was more towards what I was seeing as part of the other movements than my actual views. The reason I went down this road wasn't because I truly deemed thinner women unattractive, but that I was accepting the notion that larger women were, and always will be attractive.

I have a stance that involves both my preference, and my activist views. While I do have more of a lean towards larger people when it comes to both instances, I realize that is more of a numbers game. * If people on both sides of the weight spectrum were discriminated against, I would be exactly in the middle (When it comes to who I'm fighting for). Obviously that isn't true, but thin/extremely thin people aren't exactly accepted in all cases. Sizeism is sizeism. ^


Part of the reason I have these views is that they are a trascendence of other equality views that were preached in my home (Racial Equality being the major one). This is one reason, in part, that I have my preference as well. My preference is in part my odd curve to equality.

-I've heard the term "Bisizual" before. I used to accept it, but then I started to notice that a lot of people think that term can define what I have, how I react, and who I am.
One of the things that has confused me is that I've heard from some that being this way would mean that I am unable to treat a larger partner like that of an exclusive FA.
-I have to continuously outline that the reason I would treat someone (And other bisizual people) differently is because of my experience level: Not my preference in itself.

To be that black and white would actually put me at an advantage, because:
1. Either extreme are areas that I'm still open to. A lot of FAs, contrary to popular belief, find xyz weight disgusting (And thusly automatically not someone to be dated), they may prefer women in a range that a lot of people don't agree with (I've seen various people that only go between the realm of chubby and bbw [Even to the point of finding ssbbws incredibly unattractive), et cetera. My personal range is more on ability (Immobility is highly subjective, rather than being an actual weight), than the weight itself. The middle range being between 150-600ish lbs (Subjectivity blah blah blah...  ) is what I'm usually looking for, but I always keep myself open in whatever may happen here. Initially, it can again be estimated that I'm still more than likely to approach a larger woman to some varying degree, but that is not a law.
2. FAs are not defined by the shapes and sizes that they admire. Am I supposed to contend that FAs that like apples over pears, hourglasses over pappels are not real FAs, because they aren't that open? 

I'm a chameleon... 
I try to adapt to the various situations that come to this. I can't value romance on that one parameter, and while it is in part something I look at in regards to that: I highly doubt I will ever make it a requirement. Everyone should be appreciated the way they are. Not so desired, to the point that I want to **** anything that walks, but not instantly kicked out because of it.

-I personally use the term "Non-Exclusive" because that flat-out tells you about me, without having any judgments thrown in.

The preference in itself exists on too many levels to have such a restriction. As I said before: I use the term "Preference" very loosely as well, because it comes in many different forms. If Fat Admiration isn't like this, why wouldn't we describe it as a "Requirement" over the term preference (The non-loose, used by Jon_B term preference  ) in the first place? Wouldn't that save time? I know we're attempting to see it as more normal, but aren't there more fitting terms to describe it? 

With some relevance to this thread: I have a coworker who is a bisexual male, but on various occasions he has said that he only "Likes white guys and black girls." That's obviously a restriction he puts on himself, but should I say that he isn't bisexual, because of his views? 

-I guess what I'm trying to say is: I will gladly accept a different term, but *to assume I'm supposed to be a certain way, or have a certain reaction to a stimulus based on a term (Rather than the use of things such as physical perception) does no justice for me and others like me.*

You know things about me, but you don't know me.

Fat is attractive to me.
If I get it: That's fine. It doesn't seal anything, and I don't think it should.
If I don't get as much as I would hope: That's also fine. It's less likely for me to be drawn in, but it can still happen.
If I get an amount that might be a little too high for me: That's also fine. Again, I am less likely to be drawn toward it, but I have to keep myself open.

Back to the thread: Overall, I think you can compare the two on the level of it being out of the norm, and that they are both opposed in someway**, but I think that's about it. That and they both have a sort of genetic predisposition to some extent, but they also exist on a level that can be exclusively drawn due to living or genetics too. I can say that my preference does have some barring on my gay alliance views, but hey...


*That was obviously a more activist comment than the matter at hand.
^No I am not saying exclusiveness is sizeism.
**It's so weird to me now. Back in the 1800s, gluttony was suddenly viewed as one of the deepest sins (And that being fat was indicative of it). A lot of religious people were getting on others about it. I don't believe in the 1800s they viewed it as dangerous, but I think in the early 1900s: The view of being too fat began to surface a little. That was mostly, however, aesthetically based I would say.
Back in the mid 1900s, homosexuality was viewed as a psychological disorder (With various methodical attempts at curing it [Pills, Shock Therapy, et cetera...]). Now it seems as if the two have sort of swapped places... you've got the religious people rebuking homosexuals, and you have medical science attempting to deeming obesity/overweight as being automatically unhealthy. Screwy no?

</Opened can of bees>


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## Paul Delacroix (Jul 23, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> A[n] FA adores fat. Both terms may be imprecise, but they are strong enough, i think, for the general public to be determinant. For me, the aesthetics and sensuousness of fat folk is something enduring, basic, and libidinal. Arguing exceptions eventually proves the rule, I think.



Hello! If I can enter this discussion five pages late---to begin with, I hate the term "FA", although as long as there are BAs (Breast Admirers) and TAs (Thin Admirers) in charge of western media, and in America most TAs are also BAs and vice versa, we may as well keep using the term. (See how silly it all sounds reduced to anagrams..?) 

I think there are large numbers of men today who are unfocused on a woman's size or shape. I wouldn't call such a person an FA, however, because it makes no sense.

There is no such thing as 'bi-sizualism' among FAs. 

I think within size acceptance, there are some avowed FAs who pretend to have unfocused sentiments. I think it's just polite pretense. Perhaps FAs are tired of being treated as perverts, so they construct egalitarian, altruistic sound bites for conversational purposes. The reason being that FAs are beaten up rhetorically as a general rule, especially if they participate in the size acceptance movement, which is why so many FAs remain closeted in the first place. The outside world thinks we're Chuckles the Clown, while outspoken contingents in the SA world seem to think we are fetishists and pigs and abusers and a lot of dirty names. Some of this has lightened up in recent years, but that's only because size acceptance is so bereft of active membership at the moment. Whenever the movement is well-populated and noisy, there are feminists who push Fat Political Correctness to the extreme. 

So FAs will sometimes say things like this: 

_"Well, uh, I like women of all sizes, and to me a pretty woman is just a pretty woman, no matter what her size, which is really, um, irrelevant, and gosh, I'd never fixate fetishistically on your body fat, and I think you, uh, should only eat salad and drink spring water, by the way, because, you know, I'm not one of those Feeder guys." _

Now, as an FA, I am capable of looking at a bony woman with a pretty face, and at least acknowledging her beauty. But I'm not capable of admiring her in anything other than a Platonic context.

Yes, as an FA, I can sit there and watch Kill Bill, with Uma Thurman--who I believe is as homely as a weatherbeaten fencepost--and say "hey, she makes a pretty decent action hero." That doesn't mean I'd like to see her naked (or half-naked, or even 1/4 naked).

And I do not fixate visually on one size of woman. Some FAs only look at women over 350 or 400 pounds. Most FAs, in my opinion, have a much more eclectic range of tastes in womens' bodies, and will often admire women half that size and in between--and I have always been that way (which I think is obvious from my figurative artwork). 

By the way, going back to the original topic of the post, it is not "like being gay", because most modern-day people do not snicker at gay people, and gay people are not nonexistent, in practical terms, to the media. What I am saying is that, since about 1990 at least, gays and lesbians have been more recognized and accepted by pop culture. FAs have been largely ignored by that same pop culture, perhaps as a threat to the status quo. (In the 80s, they thought we were interesting, but as soon as they realized there were so many of us out there, the media door slammed shut.) The same has been true for self-aware liberated fat women, such as the big beauties of the size acceptance world. There's been a recent increase in visibility of fat women in media, but as a general rule, 90% of that exposure is in the form of diet and WLS advertising, dressed up as human interest stories. 

Social change in our direction is happening, but it's from the grassroots up. I do not think TAs and BAs will continue to rule the world much longer. But they still do for now.


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## bigplaidpants (Jul 23, 2007)

Paul Delacroix said:


> Hello! If I can enter this discussion five pages late---to begin with, I hate the term "FA", ....
> 
> <snipped for length>
> 
> .....Social change in our direction is happening, but it's from the grassroots up. I do not think TAs and BAs will continue to rule the world much longer. But they still do for now.



_The_ Paul Delacroix of art (& BBW art) fame?  

Hear, Hear. Well said. I was going to simply rep you, but I wanted to acknowledge your post in the thread. Well said. 

As I posted earlier, I don't want to draw out this long debated subject. So, I don't have anything to add at this point. Just, thanks for the post.


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## Paul Delacroix (Jul 23, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> _The_ Paul Delacroix of art (& BBW art) fame?
> 
> Hear, Hear. Well said. I was going to simply rep you, but I wanted to acknowledge your post in the thread. Well said.



Yeah, it's "the" me. LOL. Thanks.


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