# BHM Online Dating?



## Voyager (Aug 21, 2011)

Hey guys,

Was wondering if anyone could give me advice on which online dating sites I should give a try? I played around a bit with online dating in the past and had some pretty good success but the site I used to use is gone now. I feel skeptical about trying any of the mainstream sites because I figure there's tons of skinny horny trolls running around those sites that will wash me out and I've noticed BBW/BHM oriented dating sites don't seem to have enough activity to be worth anything. So I'd like some advice on where you guys have had success.

Thank you.


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## escapist (Aug 21, 2011)

Voyager said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> Was wondering if anyone could give me advice on which online dating sites I should give a try? I played around a bit with online dating in the past and had some pretty good success but the site I used to use is gone now. I feel skeptical about trying any of the mainstream sites because I figure there's tons of skinny horny trolls running around those sites that will wash me out and I've noticed BBW/BHM oriented dating sites don't seem to have enough activity to be worth anything. So I'd like some advice on where you guys have had success.
> 
> Thank you.



We really need a folder to keep dumping this re-occurring topic into. That said, personally....skip it. Meeting someone online is just an ice breaker anyways and might give you some insight to somebody. Instead just go out and find real connections in the real world because even if you meet someone online, you still have to go though most those awkward moments in real life if you ever actually meet. There are FFA's around you and great women who just aren't even concerned with how much you weigh as long as you're the right guy for them.

That said, dims itself is a breading ground of all sorts of naughtiness and real love connections. Sometimes it can really suck though when you find someone amazing and you just can't be near them when you want to be. You think about them, miss them, write secret messages to them and sit by your PM box waiting for them to reply :wubu:.

Good luck with whatever you try.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 21, 2011)

Excuse for long, possible post ahead =P


Dating sites, I'm sceptical of. Ironically enough, I met ron through a dating site and it was just such a crazy coincidence that he lived about a fifteen minute drive away from my house in another small town.

At the time I was having a big crush on another big guy, but he started acting weird and stopped talking to me because he thought I was out for his money and couldn't possibly like a fat guy like him -annoyed eyeroll-

ron and I started talking more and I really begun to like him. It was hard for me to go out and meet him because I'm shy, but I just kicked myself in the ass and went for it. We met at a local café and we talked from about 8pm till 4am about Star Wars, Star Trek (Though he knows WAY more about it than me as I've not seen all the episodes, just a few), retro gaming, movies and other stuff.

From that point on I spent time with him a lot and when he got sick, I took care of him and fell in love with him. Since August 15th, we've been officially together for 2 years.


So, yes, dating sites CAN work, but there's simply no guarantee because of the fake profiles, the long distances between people sometimes. And most often, what you hope to find is closer than you think, you just have to open your eyes, know what you want and go for it.


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## Voyager (Aug 21, 2011)

Hmm... 

It's weird how much a mind fuck BHM dating is.


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## Rathkhan (Aug 21, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> Excuse for long, possible post ahead =P
> 
> 
> Dating sites, I'm sceptical of. Ironically enough, I met ron through a dating site and it was just such a crazy coincidence that he lived about a fifteen minute drive away from my house in another small town.
> ...



Awesome!  I'm on the various dating sites but strangely, as badass and sweet as I am... I've gotten no hits yet hehe. I get TONS of "So and so wants to meet you!" emails though, only to realize they are actually just trying to match make people who checked a few of the same boxes!


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 21, 2011)

Rathkhan said:


> Awesome!  I'm on the various dating sites but strangely, as badass and sweet as I am... I've gotten no hits yet hehe. I get TONS of "So and so wants to meet you!" emails though, only to realize they are actually just trying to match make people who checked a few of the same boxes!



Yeah, I really hated being on a dating site. Made me feel like a piece of meat.


That, and I had to endure guys hitting on me even though my profile made it quite clear I wasn't looking for them if you know what I'm saying.


-shakes head-


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## Fat_Cat (Aug 22, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> That, and I had to endure guys hitting on me even though my profile made it quite clear I wasn't looking for them if you know what I'm saying.
> 
> 
> -shakes head-



Well that's because most people don't read the profiles. 

A couple of the sites I saw you couldn't even read the profile unless you were a paying member, you'd think they'd at least let people read the profiles and then try to make them subscribe, let them get a bit further hooked than just looking at pictures.

I will say, geography seems to play a part in online dating. When I lived in another part of the country, I had a much better time getting at least basic communications going with local ladies, since I've moved to my current location (Las Vegas), it's been harder to get responses from those who claim to be local and are willing to talk to a big guy. A whole lot more scammers here though, lots of people on the dating sites who are there just for extracting money from hopeful guys.

One thing I always find odd, there seems to be a much bigger acceptance of BBWs on dating sites, they will get groups and discussion forums dedicated to them, but BHM seem to be just ignored.


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## RedheadinNJ (Aug 22, 2011)

I found Matt right here, off the rack. www.bbpeoplemeet.com I always put the "what I'm looking for" part first in my profile instead of stuff about me and it's obvious and to the point. I figure if you can be bothered to read the first couple sentences you can figure out what I'm looking for and whether you'll fit the mold or not. I messaged him first and he decided that I was describing him in what I was looking for. We emailed for a couple weeks, exchanged numbers and decided to meet. We have a lot in common and he lives about an hour and a half away from me. We usually only see each other on weekends, between our jobs (we both drive tractor trailers) and him being in college we have to make time. The way I see it if you want someone in your life you will find a way, if not; you'll find an excuse. 
With dating of any kind you need to be honest with yourself and potential partners about what you really want and what you're looking for and don't be shy about it. I have a list of "must haves" and "can't stands". If there's anything at all on the "can't stand" list, it's over. Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore, you're settling. I won't settle and I don't believe that anyone else should have to either.


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## Voyager (Aug 22, 2011)

Thanks Red 

I don't know why I'm having a lot of trouble at this. I've had a lot of good relationships in the past and been told I'm good looking (for a big guy) and I have a lot going for me but I'm having trouble getting things started.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 22, 2011)

Voyager said:


> I'm having trouble getting things started.



That, in my opinion at least, is a matter of self-confidence.

My boyfriend looks great, but sometimes he doesn't give himself the credit for being an awesome and sweet guy.


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## Voyager (Aug 22, 2011)

Trust me, I got confidence for days. It's just a matter of navigating through all the bullshit out there.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 22, 2011)

Voyager said:


> Trust me, I got confidence for days. It's just a matter of navigating through all the bullshit out there.



I don't back down from anything. Especially not from bullshit


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## Voyager (Aug 22, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> I don't back down from anything. Especially not from bullshit



You'll go far in life and believe me I do detect a fiery side to you.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 22, 2011)

Voyager said:


> You'll go far in life and believe me I do detect a fiery side to you.



That's just the chili xD


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## RedheadinNJ (Aug 22, 2011)

Sometimes you have to wade through quite a lot of BS to find what you really want. Take a good, honest look at yourself, your wants and needs. Decided what you really are expecting from the online dating sights and write your profile to reflect that. I wouldn't worry too much about insulting or offending anyone. This is about you, not them. If they don't like what they see or read they have the option of moving on to the next profile. Speaking as someone who has read plenty of profiles I would be more interested in the one that has something original to say. Everyone likes walks on the beach and dinner and a movie. You need to have something to say about yourself that's different from the others.


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## FishCharming (Aug 22, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> That, in my opinion at least, is a matter of self-confidence.
> 
> My boyfriend looks great, _*but sometimes he doesn't give himself the credit for being an awesome and sweet guy.*_



any chance that might stem from his girlfriend wanting to bone other dudes?


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## KotR (Aug 22, 2011)

Just gonna mirror the sentiment that where you live plays a big role in the success of dating sites. Being in Eastern Ohio, most blips I get are from people 50 miles or greater away from me. I consider that the general curse of a semi-rural area and a mix of the region often being a few years behind big city tech and trends.

Overall, I've had two dates over maybe 9 years of having profiles floating around. First flaked on me during some snuggle groping because she was simply way too Christian and I'm not at all religious. Second wound up being borderline nympho to the point she mis-texted me one night saying "boyfriend has dibs, but we'll hook up if he's not in the mood" and I pretty much broke it off there.

My profiles are probably way too verbose, but in the absence of being some mega hottie, flexing the mental muscle comes next. If they don't have the patience to read, I wouldn't want them. Those that do read would get a better grasp of who I am and what I'm looking for. I'll admit, though, if I can't find a girl's face attractive, it'll be hard to take anything beyond friendship. Actual body type is of lesser importance for sexual appeal, but some traits get me going more easily.

Just don't jump into something expecting to find your ideal with a few clicks. If anything, you'll probably be repulsed far more often than intrigued. Even worse when that one girl who does seem interesting hasn't logged on for 6+ months. Financially, all dating sites are giant money pits for how little they actually do for people. When it comes to blocking features like profiles or personal messaging, it's interesting to see how some try to skirt around feeding contact info through their profiles.


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## Broadside (Aug 22, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> any chance that might stem from his girlfriend wanting to bone other dudes?



Any chance you might not totally understand how those two choose to happily conduct themselves in their relationship?


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## FishCharming (Aug 22, 2011)

Broadside said:


> Any chance you might not totally understand how those two choose to happily conduct themselves in their relationship?





not only do i not totally understand, but i dont even remotely understand. open relationships aren't my area of expertise and in my experience it's usually one person's happiness driving that ship. but if her boyfriend has self esteem issues couldn't a logical reason be her wandering pants?


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## Broadside (Aug 22, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> not only do i not totally understand, but i dont even remotely understand. open relationships aren't my area of expertise and in my experience it's usually one person's happiness driving that ship. but if her boyfriend has self esteem issues couldn't a logical reason be her wandering pants?



Perhaps you should ask them about their private life in a series of PM's, and educate yourself on the situation you're making a seemingly venomous post about.

That said, logic is derived from knowledge. The less you know about a situation, the more potential you gain for coming to false logical conclusions.

Sorry, but this is a pet peeve with me. It's like looking at a fat person and simply assuming they're lazy because they're fat. When people make harsh judgements about others without first trying to understand them, it just rubs me the wrong way. People usually deserve more understanding than alot of people are willing to give at first glance. Hence my signature.


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## CastingPearls (Aug 22, 2011)

She posted on a public forum that it was an open relationship so I see the question as valid, albeit maybe not posed as sensitively as you would have liked. Logic IS based on knowledge. Correct, which is why we ask questions here, of points made and information posted on a message board and FTR personal stuff that many of us have posted have been questioned out of curiosity on the forums.

'Venomous' is also an assumption, no?


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Aug 22, 2011)

I seriously think he was posing it as a question.


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## FishCharming (Aug 22, 2011)

Broadside said:


> Perhaps you should ask them about their private life in a series of PM's, and educate yourself on the situation you're making a seemingly venomous post about.
> 
> That said, logic is derived from knowledge. The less you know about a situation, the more potential you gain for coming to false logical conclusions.
> 
> Sorry, but this is a pet peeve with me. It's like looking at a fat person and simply assuming they're lazy because they're fat. When people make harsh judgements about others without first trying to understand them, it just rubs me the wrong way. People usually deserve more understanding than alot of people are willing to give at first glance. Hence my signature.



calm the white-knighting, sir broadside. i was just making an observation based the information publicly given. i have no interest in their private life but if they post about on an internet forum then it's open for conversation.

but i understand your concern. teh internetz is serious business


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## Voyager (Aug 22, 2011)

Who honestly cares if she's sleeping around? This is an internet forum, not a sex addict class.


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## Goreki (Aug 22, 2011)

Voyager said:


> Who honestly cares if she's sleeping around? This is an internet forum, not a sex addict class.


Like a "how to become a sex addict" or a "stop it, you have no friends anymore and you've destroyed all the fruit and vegetables in your house using your genitals" kind of class?


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## Broadside (Aug 22, 2011)

"Venomous" would be an assumption. Which is why I said "seemingly venomous". It seemed, to me, to be venomous.

My white knight armor also doesn't have a zipper. The helmet however, is almost spot on.

And you have no interest in their private life but you're asking questions about their private life that they post publicly?

...ok. Well, in that case good luck on your quest for knowledge!


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Aug 22, 2011)




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## Voyager (Aug 22, 2011)

There we go, I'd totally go to that second class. The zoo of psychological peril would be amusing.

Also craigslist is interesting... so many offers for sex and drugs.


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## CastingPearls (Aug 22, 2011)

Broadside said:


> "Venomous" would be an assumption. Which is why I said "seemingly venomous". It seemed, to me, to be venomous.
> 
> My white knight armor also doesn't have a zipper. The helmet however, is almost spot on.
> 
> ...


So if something is offensive to you (your words; pet peeve) it's okay for you to bitch about it on a public forum but if someone has what they consider a valid question, they shouldn't ask about it on the forum?


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## Broadside (Aug 23, 2011)

I'm not totally following you, but if you're actually interested in my view point then feel free to PM me. Perhaps we can learn something from one another.

Beyond that, I'd rather not continue to hijack the thread any more than I've already helped with.


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## escapist (Aug 23, 2011)

Goreki said:


> Like a "how to become a sex addict" or a "stop it, you have no friends anymore and you've destroyed all the fruit and vegetables in your house using your genitals" kind of class?



LOL someone please Rep this her post for me. I can't rep it again yet and that was FREAKING Great! lol.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 23, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> any chance that might stem from his girlfriend wanting to bone other dudes?



I could post an elaborate response to this, but I've sent you a PM in the hopes of solving your lack of understanding.

But don't judge someone based on your ignorance. It's reflects poorly on you..


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Aug 23, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> I could post an elaborate response to this, but I've sent you a PM in the hopes of solving your lack of understanding.
> 
> But don't judge someone based on your ignorance. It's reflects poorly on you..



again, I don't think he was judging. He was asking a question.






and it's Fish . . . he don't give a shit. Honey Fish don't give a fuck.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 23, 2011)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> again, I don't think he was judging. He was asking a question.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



That would explain a lot considering Fish are notorious for their poor memories


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## JulieD (Aug 23, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> That would explain a lot considering Fish are notorious for their poor memories


What? This doesn't even make sense...it has nothing to do with Fish's memories... It has to do with the fact that you mentioned that your boyfriend isn't happy about himself for whatever reason. Fish was just making an observation as to what a possible reason for his unhappiness. He also said that he has no interest in your private life, so your need to try and resolve any lack of understanding on something he obviously could give two fuck flying geese on is beyond me...
Maybe instead of trying to insult someone who you don't know, you should focus on your low self esteemed boyfriend and figure out how to make him happier...


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 23, 2011)

JulieD said:


> What? This doesn't even make sense...it has nothing to do with Fish's memories... It has to do with the fact that you mentioned that your boyfriend isn't happy about himself for whatever reason. Fish was just making an observation as to what a possible reason for his unhappiness. He also said that he has no interest in your private life, so your need to try and resolve any lack of understanding on something he obviously could give two fuck flying geese on is beyond me...
> Maybe instead of trying to insult someone who you don't know, you should focus on your low self esteemed boyfriend and figure out how to make him happier...



He doesn't have a low self-esteem, he sometimes doesn't give himself enough credit for what he has achieved. And really, how is it any of your business either?


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## fatsweethobbit (Aug 23, 2011)

better i step in this mess around here.

I dont have low self esteem..just like my gf told me i give myself sometimes to little credit..and yes morbid and i have a open relationship.

so please stop jibbering about this whole thing and continue with this tread with the thing it was build for....online dating :happy:

and yes slightlymorbid is my GF in real life  she has a dark sense of humor..sometimes i do have to haha.


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## Voyager (Aug 23, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> He doesn't have a low self-esteem, he sometimes doesn't give himself enough credit for what he has achieved. And really, how is it any of your business either?



You did kind of make this about you.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 23, 2011)

Voyager said:


> You did kind of make this about you.



Then get back to the topic at hand instead of continuing about it?


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## Zowie (Aug 23, 2011)

Haaaah SOOOO I don't know about dating sites, but I met Hozay on this board as well, we've been together a while now. 

I think, so much less as dating sites, is to go about and just meet people, online or not. Eventually you get lucky, no?


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## JulieD (Aug 23, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> He doesn't have a low self-esteem, he sometimes doesn't give himself enough credit for what he has achieved. And really, how is it any of your business either?



Why post publicly about your business if you want to keep them private? I know you haven't been around the boards that long, but Fish and I are best friends...so naturally I'm going to stick up for him...just so you know.

I apologize about the low self esteem misunderstanding...that's just the way interpreted the comment...


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## Sasquatch! (Aug 23, 2011)

Can everyone just STFU and get back to the OP?

Sorry for the outburst, I'm having a bad day and I can almost hear the bitching inside my skull. It's giving me a headache.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 23, 2011)

Zowie said:


> Haaaah SOOOO I don't know about dating sites, but I met Hozay on this board as well, we've been together a while now.
> 
> I think, so much less as dating sites, is to go about and just meet people, online or not. Eventually you get lucky, no?



It's a matter of luck, or fate (depending on what you believe in) but also action.

What matters is that you are happy, you meet people everywhere.


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## Voyager (Aug 23, 2011)

40 posts in and only one person directly answered my question while the rest was irrelevant bullshit involving some attention seeking individual rambling about self-involved things.

Meh... I think I'll go elsewhere.


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## FishCharming (Aug 23, 2011)

i've had good luck with plentyoffish in the past


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## FishCharming (Aug 23, 2011)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand because i don't give a fuck:

actually i dont have a whole lot to say since most of it was pretty well covered, lol

oh, the whole educate myself thing. not going to happen. if we all had to "educate"ourselves about every topic we post about the internet would be more boring than the fucks i am not giving. 

and it doesn't make me ignorant to post a question,it's ignorantly ignorant to call someone ignorant because they may not agree with your ignorant view point. ignorant.


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## Yakatori (Aug 23, 2011)

Voyager said:


> "_...on which online dating sites I should give a try?..I feel skeptical about trying any of the mainstream sites because I figure there's tons of skinny horny trolls running around those sites that will wash me out and I've noticed BBW/BHM oriented dating sites don't seem to have enough activity to be worth anything. *So I'd like some advice on where you guys have had success.*_"


It's a tool, like any other kind of tool, designed to build certain efficiencies into a task. It doesn't do the job itself; you do the job with the aid of the tool. And so, like any tool, it will seem more or less "effective" in the hands of a person who's more or less familiar with it and its mechanics. And, to some extent, each site is like it's own customized tool. Right now, taking cost into account, and based on what it seems like what you want (just to meet some potentially compatible people to go-out with & see how it develops) OKCupid is the best of those available for free. And, I think, it's even better than the pay-sites. OkCupid does have some extra-features that you can pay for; and, if you've got money to burn, they can add some value to your experience. But you really can't beat the free version for its cost/benefit ratio. 



KotR said:


> _*...where you live plays a big role in the success of dating sites.*...I get are from people 50 miles or greater away from me...the general curse of a semi-rural area and a mix of the region often being a few years behind big city tech and trends.._


I can appreciate what you're saying, but I would put it differently. Being in a large urban area would seem to increase your options, making your dating pool both wider & deeper. On the other hand, there's also a lot more competition. And competition cuts many ways, both in terms of actual people you're competing-with as well as the perception that, in a very densely populated place, the options are endless. So, maybe that has something to do with why, in cities, eligible people tend to remain single longer, maybe (just speculating), because single-life is practically easier if not richer/more comfortable relative to what it's like in a rural area. And so, that's not really speaking to the functionality of the site-itself as much as it's a reflection of options and their relative proximity. Of course, the fewer options in immediate proximity, the more flexible people will tend to be in terms of how far they will travel and for who. So, let's say for every potential match you see online, maybe it reflects x# people you could potentially meet IRL with similar potential compatability. Difference is, to actually meet & qualify all of those people in IRL requires more investment of time & energy than it might to meet a comparable number online. 

So, I would say, the point where location factors the most is in terms of how it can shape demographics, i.e. in terms of living in an area or part of the country where the particular type of people you're most compatible-with are a larger portion of the population at large. But even there, a dating-site could make the process of selecting from so many options more precise & efficient. That said, there's, both, plenty of fat people and fat-accepting people on OkCupid. 



Zowie said:


> ...I don't know about dating sites, but I met Hozay on this board as well, we've been together a while now.





SlightlyMorbid said:


> Dating sites, I'm sceptical of. Ironically enough, I met ron through a dating site and it was just such a crazy coincidence that he lived about a fifteen minute drive away from my house in another small town.


Obviously, I don't really know anything about you guys or your respective situations. But whenever I hear the success stories qualified in this way it causes me to consider that the now seemingly ancient stigma of initiating a relationship online still has some life in it. And that it will be a while before people, in general and on an anecdotal-level, will start to look at them beyond the speculation that they're, somehow, reflective of some sort of anomaly or aberration as opposed to just how a lot of people are getting it done these days.

Reminds me of this discussion I was once having with this girl who was adamant in her assertion that you can't meet a decent guy in a bar. She persisted in this line of reasoning both while at a bar -and-, no less, admitting that her own parents, who were still together at the time, had met the very same way. I reasoned, "Well, you're in this bar, right here and now, and so how is anyone made less decent than you for it ..." Her: "No, you don't understand. You can't, you just can't....


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## Paquito (Aug 23, 2011)

Oh my God someone is discussing the information you put on a public forum, they must be ganging up on you. Glad to hear that your boyfriend's esteem issues stem from something else instead.

I don't know any BHM-centric dating sites. I do see those google ads for BBW dating, so maybe that would be more receptive? Other than that and just gritting through general dating sites, I suggest just sticking to Dims and posting more. We've had some relationships evolve from the board.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Aug 23, 2011)

Yakatori said:


> It's a tool, like any other kind of tool, designed to build certain efficiencies into a task. It doesn't do the job itself; you do the job with the aid of the tool. And so, like any tool, it will seem more or less "effective" in the hands of a person who's more or less familiar with it and its mechanics. And, to some extent, each site is like it's own customized tool. Right now, taking cost into account, and based on what it seems like what you want (just to meet some potentially compatible people to go-out with & see how it develops) OKCupid is the best of those available for free. And, I think, it's even better than the pay-sites. OkCupid does have some extra-features that you can pay for; and, if you've got money to burn, they can add some value to your experience. But you really can't beat the free version for its cost/benefit ratio.
> 
> I can appreciate what you're saying, but I would put it differently. Being in a large urban area would seem to increase your options, making your dating pool both wider & deeper. On the other hand, there's also a lot more competition. And competition cuts many ways, both in terms of actual people you're competing-with as well as the perception that, in a very densely populated place, the options are endless. So, maybe that has something to do with why, in cities, eligible people tend to remain single longer, maybe (just speculating), because single-life is practically easier if not richer/more comfortable relative to what it's like in a rural area. And so, that's not really speaking to the functionality of the site-itself as much as it's a reflection of options and their relative proximity. Of course, the fewer options in immediate proximity, the more flexible people will tend to be in terms of how far they will travel and for who. So, let's say for every potential match you see online, maybe it reflects x# people you could potentially meet IRL with similar potential compatability. Difference is, to actually meet & qualify all of those people in IRL requires more investment of time & energy than it might to meet a comparable number online.
> 
> ...



Excuse me, the topic has changed . . . to ignorance. 



:-D just kidding.


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## FishCharming (Aug 23, 2011)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Excuse me, the topic has changed . . . to ignorance.
> 
> 
> 
> :-D just kidding.



ignorance and dong length! 2 and 7/8th inches WHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!


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## KingBoo (Sep 1, 2011)

Sux if you ask me


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