# What made you LOL today?



## JenFromOC

I met a new daycare provider for my daughter today....my daughter is half black, and the provider was a black girl. We were talking, and she asked me if my daughter likes chicken and watermelon. I said, of course! It made her laugh too....she said that white moms ask her about chicken and watermelon a lot. Lol


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## balletguy

JenFromOC said:


> I met a new daycare provider for my daughter today....my daughter is half black, and the provider was a black girl. We were talking, and she asked me if my daughter likes chicken and watermelon. I said, of course! It made her laugh too....she said that white moms ask her about chicken and watermelon a lot. Lol




Nice thred ... I was in bumper to bumper traffic today and I was changing my radio channel and the traffic moved up like 1/2 of a car lenght and a did not move, and the guy behind me blarred his horn..I was like WTF but it made me laugh. That guy had a worse day than me


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## JenFromOC

balletguy said:


> Nice thred ... I was in bumper to bumper traffic today and I was changing my radio channel and the traffic moved up like 1/2 of a car lenght and a did not move, and the guy behind me blarred his horn..I was like WTF but it made me laugh. That guy had a worse day than me


Shit makes me laugh all day....I had to pick one


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## balletguy

I am glad you laughed at the crap you had to deal with...kidda rude but its awesome that your daughter LOLED at the crap you had to deal with. Small minded people make me laugh


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## LeoGibson

JenFromOC said:


> I met a new daycare provider for my daughter today....my daughter is half black, and the provider was a black girl. We were talking, and she asked me if my daughter likes chicken and watermelon. I said, of course! It made her laugh too....she said that white moms ask her about chicken and watermelon a lot. Lol



I new there was something mom and pops weren't exactly forthcoming about as I was growing up. I fuckin' love chicken and watermelon!! And okra too! I must have been adopted!!


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## JenFromOC

LeoGibson said:


> I new there was something mom and pops weren't exactly forthcoming about as I was growing up. I fuckin' love chicken and watermelon!! And okra too! I must have been adopted!!



My old daycare provider first asked me if my daughter had ever been around dark skinned people....I said, she is half black so she has a whole family of dark skinned people. She says, oh I thought she was Brazilian. Haha


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## balletguy

LeoGibson said:


> I new there was something mom and pops weren't exactly forthcoming about as I was growing up. I fuckin' love chicken and watermelon!! And okra too! I must have been adopted!!



Okra is awesome...I think its more of a south thing. Growing up in PA I never had it, but glad I am south of the mason-dixon now...


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## LeoGibson

JenFromOC said:


> My old daycare provider first asked me if my daughter had ever been around dark skinned people....I said, she is half black so she has a whole family of dark skinned people. She says, oh I thought she was Brazilian. Haha



Yeah, people, especially the dumb ones ask the damndest questions sometimes. There are quite a few mixed race children in my extended family and I have heard some doozies. The best one was when I was with one of my nephews who is half Mexican and half Gringo and was asked if he had a hard time learning English and was I learning any Spanish from him. He was 2 years old at the time and doesn't know anything but English. This dude apparently thought we were all plugged in with a language upon birth I guess.:doh:


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## JenFromOC

LeoGibson said:


> Yeah, people, especially the dumb ones ask the damndest questions sometimes. There are quite a few mixed race children in my extended family and I have heard some doozies. The best one was when I was with one of my nephews who is half Mexican and half Gringo and was asked if he had a hard time learning English and was I learning any Spanish from him. He was 2 years old at the time and doesn't know anything but English. This dude apparently thought we were all plugged in with a language upon birth I guess.:doh:



Haha....I'm cracking up just reading these responses...


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## Anjula

My dear classmates who were eating out jello pussies during lunch. That was hitlerious


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## Anjula

Grrrrrr, doble post


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## Lil BigginZ

Anjula said:


> My dear classmates who were eating out jello pussies during lunch. That was hitlerious



Jello pussies? What in the actual fuck?


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## sweetfrancaise

I had a teenage customer ask me for a book written about the Holocaust written in the 1800s.

Another wanted a recommendation for a dictionary. Given the options, she was sure she didn't want the Oxford University press "because they're probably liberal and have all the wrong definitions."

How I love suburbia! 

This is a fabulous thread...


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## MrSensible

sweetfrancaise said:


> I had a teenage customer ask me for a book written about the Holocaust written in the 1800s.
> 
> Another wanted a recommendation for a dictionary. Given the options, she was sure she didn't want the Oxford University press "because they're probably liberal and have all the wrong definitions."
> 
> How I love suburbia!
> 
> This is a fabulous thread...



Ugh, I don't know which one of those incidents makes me more depressed about the human race... :doh: Truly one of those situations where it's so sad it's funny.



Lil BigginZ said:


> Jello pussies? *What in the actual fuck?*



I concur.


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## Librarygirl

Came across a man dressed as a giant asparagus on my lunchbreak and a colleague took my picture! What a weird, quaint place I work in! It made me giggle anyway!


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## Librarygirl

Librarygirl said:


> Came across a man dressed as a giant asparagus on my lunchbreak and a colleague took my picture! What a weird, quaint place I work in! It made me giggle anyway!



Just worked out I could do this! 

View attachment Giant asparagus.jpg


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## Kazak

the videos here http://www.youtube.com/irobot


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## Melian

Librarygirl said:


> Just worked out I could do this!



This is amazing!


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## CastingPearls

Librarygirl said:


> Just worked out I could do this!


I LOVE this!!!


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## lovelocs

Not too much of a LOLLY day, here, kinda quiet. My off days usually are.
And don't google "jello pussy," you won't get what you're looking for...


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## JerseyGirl07093

lovelocs said:


> Not too much of a LOLLY day, here, kinda quiet. My off days usually are.
> And don't google "jello pussy," you won't get what you're looking for...



I'd like to know exactly what you _were_ looking for when you googled that! lol


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## lovelocs

A _*recipe*_ for jello pussies. There's a recipe for orgasms, blow jobs, and several other drinks with questionable names. I thought jello pussies were some sort of cream based jello shot.



What?!?!



:blush:


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## cakeboy

New item on my bucket list : jello pussies.


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## Librarygirl

Acupuncture...
I mean seriously, how are you meant to keep a straight face when a lying on a couch, with a man pouring salt into your belly button and then setting fire to Japanese herbs on it!

It is perfectly kosher, but still, I struggled not to giggle inappropriately.
Like being in some kind of strange ritual!!!


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## theronin23

Librarygirl said:


> It is perfectly kosher




The salt? Or....?


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## HDANGEL15

Librarygirl said:


> Acupuncture...
> I mean seriously, how are you meant to keep a straight face when a lying on a couch, with a man pouring salt into your belly button and then setting fire to Japanese herbs on it!
> 
> It is perfectly kosher, but still, I struggled not to giggle inappropriately.
> Like being in some kind of strange ritual!!!



I have had lots of accupuncture- it ALWAYS involved needles!!!

Fire


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## CastingPearls

HDANGEL15 said:


> I have had lots of accupuncture- it ALWAYS involved needles!!!
> 
> Fire


Yeah...I've had acupuncture, acupressure, reiki energy work, and none of that included fire. Huh?


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## SitiTomato

Sitting at the table eating lunch with my work friends. Good friend is just sitting in silence for a bit and then breaks out with.

"My god you're an eating MACHINE."

I know him well enough to know it wasn't an insult but was it genuine awe or something, I've no idea.

I nearly choked on my lunch laughing though


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## sarahe543

at a dance class with my man, and the instructor says 'flip her around and approach her from behind' i did get quite a fit of giggles. Modern jive, lots of fun!


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## MrBob

sarahe543 said:


> at a dance class with my man, and the instructor says '*flip her around and approach her from behind*' i did get quite a fit of giggles. Modern jive, lots of fun!



I'm usually told off for doing that!


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## sarahe543

ok this site just made me ROFL because it said 'you must spread some reputation around before GIVING IT TO MR BOB AGAIN' ooh Matron!


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## MrBob

I'm not the catcher, I'm the pitcher!


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## TwilightStarr

Going past a XXX Store today and the sign said "New 50 Shades of Gray toys now in"

Looks like me and my friends need to go shopping!


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## sarahe543

My 3yo made me LOL for the amopunt of time she has spent naked eating cake this afternoon. We can learn a lot from children


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## ManBeef

Daniel Tosh... AS ALWAYS


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## The Dark Lady

This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Caa-QEY-FA


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## Goreki

The Dark Lady said:


> This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Caa-QEY-FA


That made my day.


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## Yakatori

^The range of dialogues that just seem to synch-up so seamlessly with that particular set of scenes. Like we're all & throughout history, at some level, in this single, repeating, & unending conversation..as spoken through some subliminal & universal tongue.


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## hbighappy

This made me LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02NCyO9yb4Q&feature=my_liked_videos&list=LLYXafVZQOykyO00sHEdWuIg

Im chunky and I Know it I eat out


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## Shinobi_Hime-Sama

Reading comments in the What Are You Pissed Off About thread here by Surly and Goreki.


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## Librarygirl

Talking to a friend at work who also went to see the Hairy Bikers last night. She had bumped into a very straight-laced older lady from her village at the show, who had commented:
"I went along thinking I'd learn how to make better buns, and it turned out to be more about bondage!"


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## Sasquatch!

Librarygirl said:


> Talking to a friend at work who also went to see the Hairy Bikers last night. She had bumped into a very straight-laced older lady from her village at the show, who had commented:
> "I went along thinking I'd learn how to make better buns, and it turned out to be more about bondage!"



Dude. It's 2 for £10 on their cookbooks at WHSmith!!!!!!


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## Hozay J Garseeya

Librarygirl said:


> Talking to a friend at work who also went to see the Hairy Bikers last night. She had bumped into a very straight-laced older lady from her village at the show, who had commented:
> "I went along thinking I'd learn how to make better buns, and it turned out to be more about bondage!"



YOU'RE BACK!!!


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## HDANGEL15

Librarygirl said:


> Talking to a friend at work who also went to see the Hairy Bikers last night. She had bumped into a very straight-laced older lady from her village at the show, who had commented:
> "I went along thinking I'd learn how to make better buns, and it turned out to be more about bondage!"



Hairy Bikers? A movie? Or show or Wut?


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## Librarygirl

Sasquatch! said:


> Dude. It's 2 for £10 on their cookbooks at WHSmith!!!!!!


Cool! I bought a pen at the show - one of those floating ones - the bike moves towards them. Sad, but I like it!



Hozay J Garseeya said:


> YOU'RE BACK!!!


Yep! Good to be back....Though I wish I was still enjoying holiday sunshine and not heading to work on a cold English morning.



HDANGEL15 said:


> Hairy Bikers? A movie? Or show or Wut?


Two fat hairy men who ride motorbikes, have a laugh and go round cooking. They did a great tour of Europe baking local specialities and eating a lot as well as trying on Lederhosen and such. They're not young or good looking, but somehow they have a certain charm. Sadly they did a diet series, but the baking series was brilliant. They cook things you'd really want to eat and show obvious relish for their food, as well as coming over as genuinely nice blokes. There are also lots of moments in their shows that are rather enjoyable for the FFA - things they do and say that leave me wondering if it is just me and my freaky preference that is making me blush and smile too much. One cooking sequence in Germany saw this woman chef take a liking to one of them and start stroking his belly!!

This was a stage show - they're doing a tour of the UK. The opening videos showed them pre-diet, lolling around shirtless with sweets on their bellies. At the end of the first half, they stripped and were wearing nothing but bike helmets! I hasten to add, this was billed as a cooking show, lol! Some attendees were a little surprised...


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## sarahe543

That sounds awesome but i too was saddened when they did the diet show


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## Librarygirl

Another of those 'Couldn't make it up' sitcom style moments today..

One of my volunteers, pleasant lady in her sixties, walks into Reading Room Reception this morning and her first comment to a fellow volunteer is "Look at that, it looks just like a bondage chair!" ( in hearing of our customers)

This being my new chair, which has provoked many 'Mastermind' / James Bond villain comments, but never anything quite like this. Mind you, since the arms were getting damaged by the table, we did 'bandage' it with archival tape, which could look a bit like wrist restraints I suppose.

Thinking I'd not heard, she laters asks about my new chair with an amused smirk on her face!!!! What does she think goes on in my Reading Room, lol!
And there was me feeling worried about wearing flat shoes and turning into a stereotypical 'librarian'


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## Sasquatch!

I'm not sure what to respond to that beyond the fact that.... volunteers say the craziest things! (Probably because they can't get fired  )


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## samuraiscott

I saw a video where a wrestler talked about shitting in another wrestler's bag.


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## nico7_uk

Last night I was driving through a fairly quiet Cornish village, and noticed this guy standing at the side of the road with a sign. As I got closer I could see he was a hitchhiker which is quite unusual round here in November, and the sign read "Anywhere but here!" Maybe you had to be there but it cracked me up and you couldn't help but wonder about the story behind this.


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## Librarygirl

nico7_uk said:


> Last night I was driving through a fairly quiet Cornish village, and noticed this guy standing at the side of the road with a sign. As I got closer I could see he was a hitchhiker which is quite unusual round here in November, and the sign read "Anywhere but here!" Maybe you had to be there but it cracked me up and you couldn't help but wonder about the story behind this.



Intriguing! Could be the start of a novel! Is Cornwall so bad, lol?


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## biglynch

I started reading Dave Gormans Unchained America today. Im half way through and it been making me giggle all day. Got to love a lazy day with a book.


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## Sasquatch!

This definitely was the funniest thing I have seen in a while.

Fifty Shades of Grey extracts read by some guy who's really good at impersonations, I honestly cannot pick out which I thought was funniest.


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## The Dark Lady

I broke:


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## Iannathedriveress

I was watching Man Lab and James May had a rabbit on his lap. The rabbit nibbles on his jeans and not on the vegitation that was surrounding the background.


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## viracocha

Sasquatch! said:


> This definitely was the funniest thing I have seen in a while.
> 
> Fifty Shades of Grey extracts read by some guy who's really good at impersonations, I honestly cannot pick out which I thought was funniest.



That was the best 50 Shades reading video I've seen yet.
These also make me lol:
8 Best Edits to Wikipedia from CIA IP Address
Totally Common Occurrences in Australia
Dogs That Can't Handle It

Oh my.


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## sophie lou

I LOL so many times everyday and usually at myself. When I seen this thread the first thing I thought of was leaving the house this morning fairly well dressed except for the fluffy carpet slippers I had on. 

This one is making me blush just thinking about it. I was in the newsagents this morning and what I thought was going to be a nice slient fart turned into a loud man fart


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## ODFFA

THIS is the first email sent by my amazing granny on her new laptop, to my dad and uncle......



> Subject - I'm online!
> 
> Dear Albert and Philip,
> 
> Mark has got my laptop up and running. My email address is: [[email protected]]
> 
> Please do not email me until I know what I am doing!
> 
> Mom.



......lolz! :happy:


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## BearHug2013

ODFFA said:


> THIS is the first email sent by my amazing granny on her new laptop, to my dad and uncle......
> 
> 
> 
> ......lolz! :happy:




Reminds me of my grandmother, she calls texting "complicated"


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## Melian

Not today, but 2 days ago, I was eating sushi on a patio when a bird flew by and shit right in my open hand.

It was revolting, but I couldn't stop laughing.


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## Surlysomething

Hahahaha.

Fucking birds. Where's the respect?




Melian said:


> Not today, but 2 days ago, I was eating sushi on a patio when a bird flew by and shit right in my open hand.
> 
> It was revolting, but I couldn't stop laughing.


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## biglynch

Melian said:


> Not today, but 2 days ago, I was eating sushi on a patio when a bird flew by and shit right in my open hand.
> 
> It was revolting, but I couldn't stop laughing.





Surlysomething said:


> Hahahaha.
> 
> Fucking birds. Where's the respect?



I got hit hard once with a fly by shooting from a gang of seaguls. I was sadface for about 3 hours.


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## Melian

biglynch said:


> I got hit hard once with a fly by shooting from a gang of seaguls. I was sadface for about 3 hours.



Those fuckers. Haha...oh, I can't stay mad at birds. They're my favourite :wubu:


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## biglynch

Melian said:


> Those fuckers. Haha...oh, I can't stay mad at birds. They're my favourite :wubu:



I can. I was beaten by a swan when I was much younger, and a frozen turkey broke my toe. At least I got to eat the turkey. 

Swans are crazy strong btw


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## Surlysomething

OMG...that sucks so much, but it's funny as hell.

On the first day of the job I stayed at for 15 years a bird shit on my head at the bus stop. Foreshadowing perhaps?


:doh:




biglynch said:


> I can. I was beaten by a swan when I was much younger, and a frozen turkey broke my toe. At least I got to eat the turkey.
> 
> Swans are crazy strong btw


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## biglynch

Surlysomething said:


> OMG...that sucks so much, but it's funny as hell.
> 
> On the first day of the job I stayed at for 15 years a bird shit on my head at the bus stop. Foreshadowing perhaps?
> 
> 
> :doh:


They say its meant to be good luck if a bird shits on you, I say bollocks is it!


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## Amaranthine

This is an absolutely terrible video. In fact, you'll never be able to hear the song correctly again. 

Really, I can't emphasize enough how bad it is. 

But I can't not laugh at it.


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## RentonBob

Haha! This  

View attachment Pizza.jpg


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## Esther

Amaranthine said:


> This is an absolutely terrible video. In fact, you'll never be able to hear the song correctly again.
> 
> Really, I can't emphasize enough how bad it is.
> 
> But I can't not laugh at it.



I was totally caught off guard by just how terrible this is. Lol'd hard


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## Surlysomething

Bahahaha. For all you Easterners.  

View attachment 375682_10151807285786496_76063147_n.jpg


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## charlieversion2

Where's Bill Nye NOW?!!


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## HDANGEL15

*THIS is pretty awesome
*
pussy


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## Esther

HDANGEL15 said:


> *THIS is pretty awesome
> *
> pussy


Right in the pussy! Thanks for clarifying as to where you fuck girls, pal.


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## TwilightStarr




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## Lil BigginZ

TwilightStarr said:


>



I can't rep you anymore! You need to stop being so awesome.


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## TwilightStarr

Lil BigginZ said:


> I can't rep you anymore! You need to stop being so awesome.



I mean I can try but I don't know how to stop being so awesome. That's like telling a stripper not to be covered in glitter & regret! I don't think it's ever going to happen


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## biglynch

TwilightStarr said:


> I mean I can try but I don't know how to stop being so awesome. That's like telling a stripper not to be covered in *glitter & regret!* I don't think it's ever going to happen



thats the best kind...


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## RentonBob

At work today on the top floor of my building and the elevator arrives, the doors open and the person standing next to me asks if this elevator is going down..... Had to bite my lip... Yes, this one is going down :doh:


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## Lil BigginZ




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## Gingembre

Tongue in cheek salute/tribute to the Winter Olympic athletes courtesy of Channel 4 (a UK TV channel). It makes me chuckle all the more because the guy singing looks exactly like one of my friends. I literally can't stop watching it.

Gay Mountain


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## Esther

Why is it so funny? I can't breathe, guys


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## tankyguy

A little late for Valentine's:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU

It's all true, too. All of it.


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## AuntHen

Esther said:


> Why is it so funny? I can't breathe, guys




oh my word! hahaha


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## AuntHen

how incredibly dorky and funny I am to myself  hahaha


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## CleverBomb

Esther said:


> Why is it so funny? I can't breathe, guys



Quiznos Spongmonkeys Ad (2004)
No, really. They actually _paid_ to put this on television to promote their sandwich shop chain. 

"Ten years ago" is a very weird place.


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## tankyguy

CleverBomb said:


> Quiznos Spongmonkeys Ad (2004)
> No, really. They actually _paid_ to put this on television to promote their sandwich shop chain.
> 
> "Ten years ago" is a very weird place.



They're not what they used to be. A bunch of their locations failed and shut down pretty spectacularly with the owners just abandoning them.

A nearby one reopened a couple of months ago just before the holidays. They'd been closed over two years. Enthusiastic, I paid them a visit.

It was like someone murdered Santa Claus in my mouth.

Major cutbacks in quality.


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## biglynch

don't be a dick God.

Best read this week.


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## Amaranthine

Grading tests from the Ethics class I'm TAing. 

One question requested they list a virtue and its two corresponding vices. My favorites: 

Virtue: Food. 
Vices: Too much food, not enough food. 

Virtue: Friendly. 
Vices: Way too friendly, jerk. 

This probably isn't _actually_ that funny, but at nearly 4am, it is for me.


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## AuntHen

Goreki.......


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## TwilightStarr




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## f0nzw0rth

Today I worked a show in Manhattan with my friend Johnny Brennan...Creator of The Jerky Boys and voice of Mort on family guy...
Always lots of LOL's


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## tankyguy

Just got back from a flea market with my sister and saw something amazingly gaudy.

It was a wooden crucifix with a glow in the dark Jesus. Besides glowing, he was rendered in a bizarre cartoony style with huge feet and hands and bulging eyes like something designed by Robert Crumb or Ed Roth. My sister pointed it out to me and I subsequently dubbed him 'Electric Acid Freakout Jesus'.

I wish I'd bought it or at least taken a picture.


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## kilo riley

f0nzw0rth said:


> Today I worked a show in Manhattan with my friend Johnny Brennan...Creator of The Jerky Boys and voice of Mort on family guy...
> Always lots of LOL's



GET BRETT WEIR I SAID!!!!


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## tankyguy

In two weeks I'll be 33. I got _carded_ today by someone I'm pretty sure is at least a half-decade younger than me.


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## MrSensible

tankyguy said:


> In two weeks I'll be 33. I got _carded_ today by someone I'm pretty sure is at least a half-decade younger than me.



I get this. I'll be 29 this year and I always have to make sure I have my ID on hand if I'm even just accompanying someone that's buying liquor. I guess it's no reason to complain though, right? I don't think possibly being in our 40s by the time we finally look old enough to legally rent a car would be such a bad thing, heh.


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## Ninja Glutton

This never ceases to make me laugh:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaKuT3dIwfc

"I'm gonna go get me a New York slice!"


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## biglynch

He's super guilty. 

View attachment IMG_9870665977993.jpeg


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## x0emnem0x

Anyone Who Wants To Date This Guy’s Daughter Better Listen Carefully Cuz I’m Not Sure He’s Joking

"Jesse Parent - "To the Boys Who May One Day Date My Daughter"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcIwZ1Dth0c#t=27


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## mjbmxz

The UPS guying taking a digger, rolling, then getting into the truck like it was no big deal! LOL


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## The Dark Lady

I want Surly to own this mug & beat people in the face with it. It will affirm my existence.


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## dublover42

Being immature at work with my co-workers, and by being immature, I mean playing the ball-gazing game.

I laughed so hard I cried


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## AuntHen

When you are in the general "Dimensions Forum", do the paysite board titles ever make you bust out laughing?

Oh my word, some of them are just : ))


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## bayone

There's a salesman at my work who's both a BHM and a real culinary-geek. He loves to cook and to talk about cooking; which is great because we sell appliances and he does product demos and stuff for us at trade shows. Anyway, today it was the birthday of the woman who runs the order desk and he brought her a whole box of _petit fours_ (I know, this is starting to sound like one of the stories in the Dimensions library) -- from his favourite store, the Cheese Boutique. He began talking about shopping there, and for the first time I realized that his family aren't really as passionate about cooking as he is -- because apparently he has to have his own "quarantined" section of the kitchen. Otherwise he's apt to ask where his black truffles went, and find out his wife threw them in the garbage because she thought they'd gone mouldy......


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## Hozay J Garseeya

fat9276 said:


> When you are in the general "Dimensions Forum", do the paysite board titles ever make you bust out laughing?
> 
> Oh my word, some of them are just : ))



Someone from the board and I will occasionally snicker about these. She shares her favorites with me.


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## Lil BigginZ

Bunny eating Raspberries!


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## Esther

Lil BigginZ said:


> Bunny eating Raspberries!



No words for how much I love this video.

"Goin out tonight, gotta put on mah lipstick"


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## bayone

Lil BigginZ said:


> Bunny eating Raspberries!



I am eating raspberries right now. Therefore I am a bunny. :eat1:


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## x0emnem0x

Imagine: 4 bigger ladies (my mother, my sister, sister in law and myself) sitting in a car, and a guy pulls up at a stop light. His passenger window is down so we can see him and he has sunglasses on. We all jokingly stare at him, for a long time, until he notices and then he then pulls up further, at which point I also slowly and creepily pull up to him, while we all stare at him, then he rolls up his black tinted windows and we bust out laughing.


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## bayone

There's a church on my way to work with a sign that says "JESUS IS ALIVE. CALL 416-555-1234." I think it's a ransom note or something.


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## AuntHen

x0emnem0x said:


> Imagine: 4 bigger ladies (my mother, my sister, sister in law and myself) sitting in a car, and a guy pulls up at a stop light. His passenger window is down so we can see him and he has sunglasses on. We all jokingly stare at him, for a long time, until he notices and then he then pulls up further, at which point I also slowly and creepily pull up to him, while we all stare at him, then he rolls up his black tinted windows and we bust out laughing.




haha, I love stuff like this


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## Gingembre

I doubt this will mean much to the non-Brits (sorry!) but the #whyimvotingukip fiasco has made me LOL today...the highlights can be found here: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/05/21/ukip-twitter-trending_n_5363700.html?1400670691 although IMO they missed out the best one: "#whyimvotingukip: because I can't tell what accent Aiden Gillen does on #GameOfThrones & I don't want us all to speak like that by 2020." 

LOLZ


----------



## agouderia

Gingembre said:


> I doubt this will mean much to the non-Brits (sorry!) but the #whyimvotingukip fiasco has made me LOL today...the highlights can be found here: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/05/21/ukip-twitter-trending_n_5363700.html?1400670691 although IMO they missed out the best one: "#whyimvotingukip: because I can't tell what accent Aiden Gillen does on #GameOfThrones & I don't want us all to speak like that by 2020."
> 
> LOLZ



Trolling UKIP on Twitter is all good and well - even better do something about it!

You and all other Brits on this board have the chance to vote for anything except UKIP today! Do the rest of Europe the small favor and use it!!!


----------



## Gingembre

agouderia said:


> Trolling UKIP on Twitter is all good and well - even better do something about it!
> 
> You and all other Brits on this board have the chance to vote for anything except UKIP today! Do the rest of Europe the small favor and use it!!!



Voted. Always do.


----------



## Sasquatch!

agouderia said:


> Trolling UKIP on Twitter is all good and well - even better do something about it!
> 
> You and all other Brits on this board have the chance to vote for anything except UKIP today! Do the rest of Europe the small favor and use it!!!



Yep, first thing I did this morning! Well.... after a good breakfast of course.


----------



## Surlysomething

It kind of looks like a bunny blood bath. Haha



Lil BigginZ said:


> Bunny eating Raspberries!


----------



## Lil BigginZ

I've seen this gif thousands of times and every time I see it I watch it over and over for a good 15 minutes laughing hysterically. There is just something about it. 








MAn, I really miss old school wrestling.


----------



## bayone

Can't actually LOL because it's the middle of the night and I don't want to wake anyone, but I've been shaking silently at the twitter feed devoted to a Netflix glitch that mashes up program summaries.


----------



## MrSensible

I'm not sure where I found this originally (it might have even been here possibly...?) but it tickles me in a good way.


----------



## loopytheone

Somebody on another fat-friendly website just tried to insist, with no hint of sarcasm or satire, that I am skinny because I weigh under 200 lbs. Not that I am normal sized or just chubby, I am skinny. Despite seeing pictures of me. You know, my medically obese self. 

Damn me and my skinnyness!


----------



## Tad

Were you, by chance, talking with Humpty-Dumpty? 

"'When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, &#8216;it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.'"


----------



## TwilightStarr

According to this quiz, my brain gender is 58% Male, 42% Female. 
It's probably more male because I prefer whiskey, don't want to go to the beach, and I don't dance 

http://quizdoo.com/what-is-your-brain-gender/quiz


----------



## bayone

Perhaps it wasn't a fat-friendly website. Perhaps it was Bizarro's website. Did the person you were talking with eschew the use of prepositions and sign off by saying "Hello?"


----------



## loopytheone

I got clarification on the whole skinny thing. Apparently, because I am thinner than her, that makes me skinny. I just quoted her the OED definition of skinny and left it at that. 

Love the synonyms as well. I'm so emaciated and underfed.


----------



## tankyguy

loopytheone said:


> Love the synonyms as well. I'm so emaciated and underfed.



Clearly something has to be done about this. Care to split a pizza?
:happy:


----------



## loopytheone

tankyguy said:


> Clearly something has to be done about this. Care to split a pizza?
> :happy:



What, we don't get one each?


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

loopytheone said:


> Somebody on another fat-friendly website just tried to insist, with no hint of sarcasm or satire, that I am skinny because I weigh under 200 lbs. Not that I am normal sized or just chubby, I am skinny. Despite seeing pictures of me. You know, my medically obese self.
> 
> Damn me and my skinnyness!



I've had a few people (read:women) tell me the same thing on this site. Asking me why I post here if I'm skinny, that it's no place for me. 

Meh


----------



## loopytheone

Okay, I know I have a weird sense of humour but I almost died laughing earlier (in front of a policeman and the neighbourhood watch as well). 

As I am sure everybody knows, FF has its fair share of weirdos. Anyway, I got talking to someone on there, added them on Skype and had a few cam chats with them. Then I happened to get ill so told him I wouldn't be online much, chatted a bit more, then got ill again. When I was ill he would send me messages through FF asking how I was and such and we were planning on meeting up in a public place just to chat and chill and such. And because he kept asking how I was on FF I thought that, even though I still felt really ill, I would go online to chat to him. 

I went on Skype and the first thing he asked was whether or not I wanted to go on cam. I said no because I still felt ill and he _completely_ freaked out. That in itself is kinda hilarious to me, especially considering I hadn't even known the guy for a week! He called me all sorts of names and told me he was 'done with my shit' and 'didn't have to put up with this any more', that he didn't want to meet up with me and told me never to contact him again, which you know, sure, whatever. I had to block him in the end because he just wouldn't shut up. He then changed his profile on FF to say he was only interested in talking to women who wanted to talk on cam and went around rating all my pics and everything badly, which honestly, I found absolutely hilarious. I just thanked my lucky stars that I had found out he was a psycho before we actually met up, learnt my lesson about being too trusting of people, had a laugh and forgot all about it. 

Here comes the (to me) funny bit. Today, about two weeks after I last spoke to him, I got a message from him on FF (there is no block feature there). He apologised and tried to tell me that his Skype got hacked and he wanted to talk to me again. ...I repeat, he tried to tell me his Skype got _hacked_ and that _he wasn't responsible for anything said that night_. I seriously about died of laughter! What, so, somebody hacked his Skype account, typed exactly like he did, asked nicely to see me on cam, knew that me and him were planning to meet up, knew my FF account, changed his profile on FF and stopped him from contacting me on there for two weeks? I mean, I knew the guy was incredibly stupid (I thought he might be a nice person though before he went psycho, which was why we were talking) but seriously?! I mean, what person is stupid enough to think that that makes any sense or that anybody would ever believe that?

I guess that is my amusement for today!


----------



## biglynch

Yeah there's a few nutters floating about over there. I think I've shaken off the male fan club.


----------



## KingBuu

I been getting into podcasts, or rather video podcasts on Youtube and I really like the Norm Macdonald Live show on there and it actually makes me LOL


----------



## bayone

A young woman on the bus this morning was talking on her phone: "I did a nine-hour shift at a day care yesterday. People _barfed_ on me. I should have taken a before-and-after picture. Actually, I wish I could have taken a before-and-after _smell_."


----------



## Anjula

loopytheone said:


> Okay, I know I have a weird sense of humour but I almost died laughing earlier (in front of a policeman and the neighbourhood watch as well).
> 
> As I am sure everybody knows, FF has its fair share of weirdos. Anyway, I got talking to someone on there, added them on Skype and had a few cam chats with them. Then I happened to get ill so told him I wouldn't be online much, chatted a bit more, then got ill again. When I was ill he would send me messages through FF asking how I was and such and we were planning on meeting up in a public place just to chat and chill and such. And because he kept asking how I was on FF I thought that, even though I still felt really ill, I would go online to chat to him.
> 
> I went on Skype and the first thing he asked was whether or not I wanted to go on cam. I said no because I still felt ill and he _completely_ freaked out. That in itself is kinda hilarious to me, especially considering I hadn't even known the guy for a week! He called me all sorts of names and told me he was 'done with my shit' and 'didn't have to put up with this any more', that he didn't want to meet up with me and told me never to contact him again, which you know, sure, whatever. I had to block him in the end because he just wouldn't shut up. He then changed his profile on FF to say he was only interested in talking to women who wanted to talk on cam and went around rating all my pics and everything badly, which honestly, I found absolutely hilarious. I just thanked my lucky stars that I had found out he was a psycho before we actually met up, learnt my lesson about being too trusting of people, had a laugh and forgot all about it.
> 
> Here comes the (to me) funny bit. Today, about two weeks after I last spoke to him, I got a message from him on FF (there is no block feature there). He apologised and tried to tell me that his Skype got hacked and he wanted to talk to me again. ...I repeat, he tried to tell me his Skype got _hacked_ and that _he wasn't responsible for anything said that night_. I seriously about died of laughter! What, so, somebody hacked his Skype account, typed exactly like he did, asked nicely to see me on cam, knew that me and him were planning to meet up, knew my FF account, changed his profile on FF and stopped him from contacting me on there for two weeks? I mean, I knew the guy was incredibly stupid (I thought he might be a nice person though before he went psycho, which was why we were talking) but seriously?! I mean, what person is stupid enough to think that that makes any sense or that anybody would ever believe that?
> 
> I guess that is my amusement for today!



FF is such a hilarious place lol Im glad you did get to see what a freak he is before meeting him IRL, that would be scary :blink:


----------



## biglynch

On my way home from work all grumpy, I met a family with a young autistic kid, say about 14. He's super happy about getting to stay up tonight to watch the football. Just talking to everyone and generally not giving a shit. He made giggle to when he told the united fan to shut up. Well it turns out he's a Liverpool fan. So am I. 
I took their number, and I'm going to send them my Steve Gerrard signed shirt. Its great for me, I love it but I'm sure he would absolutely adore the thing. So he should own it.


----------



## Surlysomething

That's so awesome. 




biglynch said:


> On my way home from work all grumpy, I met a family with a young autistic kid, say about 14. He's super happy about getting to stay up tonight to watch the football. Just talking to everyone and generally not giving a shit. He made giggle to when he told the united fan to shut up. Well it turns out he's a Liverpool fan. So am I.
> I took their number, and I'm going to send them my Steve Gerrard signed shirt. Its great for me, I love it but I'm sure he would absolutely adore the thing. So he should own it.


----------



## bigmac

This shit only happens in Fresno (all the attorney's and the judge involved in this strange story are my friends and colleagues). Yesterday a Fresno County jury made a mistake filling out verdict forms and unwittingly freed a career criminal.


http://www.fresnobee.com/2014/06/11/3973145/fresno-jurys-mistake-frees-career.html?sp=/99/406/


The it took a few hours to process the criminal out of the county jail (I'm sure they were moving real fast). When he was finally released he went to his sister's house and got into an argument with her boy friend. A few hours after his fortuitous release he was dead.



http://www.fresnobee.com/2014/06/12/3973694/fresno-jurys-mistake-frees-burglary.html


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

The Spain game made me laugh. What a joke.


----------



## lille

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> The Spain game made me laugh. What a joke.



I caught the tail end of it with the kids today. That was embarrassing.


----------



## bayone

Normal Moments in Art History with No Murder In Them.


----------



## bayone

It took me a moment to get this xkcd, but then I laughed:


----------



## tankyguy

I was un-packaging some Angus beef skewers to grill for supper tonight and my hands were slick from the sauce. So when I was cutting open the last one it fumbled out of my hands and the dog had it before it even hit the floor and vanished with it.

Later on he shows up again and drops the bare stick at my feet.


----------



## bayone

tankyguy said:


> Later on he shows up again and drops the bare stick at my feet.



"Fetched it."


----------



## lucca23v2

From Basketball Star to Idiot in 2.5 seconds..

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W78nOpsZn8"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W78nOpsZn8[/ame]


----------



## Saisha

Seeing my sister and I trying to use hot rollers for the first time  Her curls turned out great! Mine looked like cavatappi pasta!


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

lucca23v2 said:


> From Basketball Star to Idiot in 2.5 seconds..
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W78nOpsZn8



it took me about 3:40 seconds in to realize that it was the same thing on a loop. I was hoping it'd change, but i found myself laughing hysterically.


----------



## AuntHen

You know you are tired when you are looking at movies and TV show titles and you mistake the show named *Heroes* for *Herpes*. Not only that but you actually stop a moment and say to yourself 'there's a show called Herpes?" 

hahahahaha, now I have the night giggles


----------



## Librarygirl

In the town where I work there is a cat who is so well known he has a FB group and has appeared in blogs. He is getting on a bit, but still roams all over the place. I saw him early in the morning in the carpark and was talking to him and getting his pic for FB when an older couple appeared. I explained he is famous and has blogs about him, in case they thought I was slightly crazy and they duly took his picture. The lady's English was so good I assumed she WAS English. It's only when I start rambling on with anecdotes about Angus the cat that I hear them talk to each other and realise they are Dutch. They looked somewhat bemused at this eccentric English girl and I hurry away embarrassed. No idea what these tourists made of their first encounter with a local!


----------



## Saisha

Dog playing "soccer" with a turtle 

http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/v...ion-turtle-dog-soccer.valeria-dinnocenzo.html


----------



## lille

Librarygirl said:


> In the town where I work there is a cat who is so well known he has a FB group and has appeared in blogs. He is getting on a bit, but still roams all over the place. I saw him early in the morning in the carpark and was talking to him and getting his pic for FB when an older couple appeared. I explained he is famous and has blogs about him, in case they thought I was slightly crazy and they duly took his picture. The lady's English was so good I assumed she WAS English. It's only when I start rambling on with anecdotes about Angus the cat that I hear them talk to each other and realise they are Dutch. They looked somewhat bemused at this eccentric English girl and I hurry away embarrassed. No idea what these tourists made of their first encounter with a local!



Hehehe, there's a famous cat at the vet where we take my kitty. He was on Animal Planet once.


----------



## lucca23v2

the full commercial...lol..towards the end he looks as if he bats for the other team...lol
http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7KyZ/gold-bond-body-powder-tingle-featuring-shaquille-oneal


----------



## Esther

THIS

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Xa-GSm1P0I"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Xa-GSm1P0I[/ame]

I swear I've watched this 100 times. It's so cute.


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

lucca23v2 said:


> the full commercial...lol..towards the end he looks as if he bats for the other team...lol
> http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7KyZ/gold-bond-body-powder-tingle-featuring-shaquille-oneal



Fuck that. Shaq is awesome he's always been a silly bastard so that commercial is great. He's like a giant kid that's just how the dude is. He's obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawer but he's one of the brightest crayons in the box. 

Personally I think that commercial is amazing haha


----------



## lucca23v2

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Fuck that. Shaq is awesome he's always been a silly bastard so that commercial is great. He's like a giant kid that's just how the dude is. He's obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawer but he's one of the brightest crayons in the box.
> 
> Personally I think that commercial is amazing haha



lol.. Don't get me wrong.. I think he is hilarious in the commercial.. it is just a big difference when he walks around trying to act like he is all hard...and then you see this commercial.. 

Here is another pic for you..lol


----------



## WhiteHotRazor

Haha I don't think shaq has ever been like that. He's always been extremely goofy especially off court. On court, well aside from his free throw shooting he was maybe one of the most dominant players to ever touch a basketball.
The guy had dance offs with other players at all star games and who can forget his amazing rap career and song with the Fu-schnickens where he was honorably named "shaq-fu" haha. The guy just expels sillyness.

"I am a true, what? I am a True Fu-schnick!"


----------



## lille

lille said:


> Hehehe, there's a famous cat at the vet where we take my kitty. He was on Animal Planet once.



Apparently he passed away, but he was one goofy looking critter.

http://www.wmur.com/news/nh-news/cat-known-as-ugly-cat-dies/21775310#!ba2bJ9


----------



## MsBrightside

lille said:


> Apparently he passed away, but he was one goofy looking critter.
> 
> http://www.wmur.com/news/nh-news/cat-known-as-ugly-cat-dies/21775310#!ba2bJ9



Aaahh!  What kind of cat was that?? I've seen pictures of cats without fur, but I don't recall ever seeing one that had that combination of furless areas with what looks like a grizzly pelt. 

It's too bad he's not around anymore, but he was lucky to live at a vet's office and receive such care and attention.


----------



## lille

MsBrightside said:


> Aaahh!  What kind of cat was that?? I've seen pictures of cats without fur, but I don't recall ever seeing one that had that combination of furless areas with what looks like a grizzly pelt.
> 
> It's too bad he's not around anymore, but he was lucky to live at a vet's office and receive such care and attention.



Uggs was a unique critter. I don't know what his breed was but I believe both his parents were normal looking, it was just him and one litter mate that looked like that. Just a funky genetic anomaly.


----------



## Librarygirl

lille said:


> Apparently he passed away, but he was one goofy looking critter.
> 
> http://www.wmur.com/news/nh-news/cat-known-as-ugly-cat-dies/21775310#!ba2bJ9



Aww. At least he was looked after, loved and popular. Sounds like he did well to make it to 12. He looks a sweetie really.


----------



## lille

Librarygirl said:


> Aww. At least he was looked after, loved and popular. Sounds like he did well to make it to 12. He looks a sweetie really.



Definitely loved. That vet is awesome with cats and they regularly have a few that call the office home and sit in the laps of the receptionists. Uggs liked to sit on the computer to keep his but warm. They even had a t-shirt that said "Have you been Ugged today?"


----------



## MsBrightside

lille said:


> Uggs was a unique critter. I don't know what his breed was but I believe both his parents were normal looking, it was just him and one litter mate that looked like that. Just a funky genetic anomaly.



Interesting. I hope his litter mate found a good home, too.


----------



## bayone

Uggs sort of looks as though he should have a cigarette in a long holder. I suppose the vet wouldn't have approved of him smoking, though.


----------



## Amaranthine

http://www.clickhole.com/article/8-bone-monsters-covered-flesh-448

I can't pinpoint why this makes me laugh at all.


----------



## MsBrightside

Amaranthine said:


> http://www.clickhole.com/article/8-bone-monsters-covered-flesh-448
> 
> I can't pinpoint why this makes me laugh at all.



Lol! The Ben Vereen reference is so random.  This reminds me of an internet hoax about the dangers of "dihydrogen monoxide" http://www.snopes.com/science/dhmo.asp. Apparently giving something a scary name is often all you need to induce paranoia, although I sincerely hope that no one (with the possible exception of tabloid readers) will take the "bone monsters" list seriously.


----------



## biglynch

I just think of all the good intentions that went into every one. I want to hug the poor fools and just tell them it wasn't meant to be.
http://www.lifebuzz.com/pinterest-fails/


----------



## lille

My lizards are a never ending source of amusement. This morning the geckos were sleeping, one curled up in the calcium dish and the other with her head on the edge of the water dish. 

Clyde's face is shedding and she was trying to scrape off the dead skin, but she didn't quite understand how so she just sat with her pressed up against a rock, not moving. I gave her a bath and tried to see if she wanted to eat after. Instead of being interested in her dandelion greens she insisted on licking my finger and seemed to think that I am much more delicious than her veggies.


----------



## bayone

The tiniest car Ive ever seen outside a Shriners parade zipped past the lunchroom window while I was making toast. Unfortunately I didnt have a camera. This vehicle was round, bright red, and smaller than a Smartcar.


----------



## lucca23v2

Just plain funny... 

View attachment NUTS.jpg


----------



## lucca23v2

I can't stop laughing.....[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jkmw9oGIDhI&feature=kp"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jkmw9oGIDhI&feature=kp[/ame]


----------



## MsBrightside

biglynch said:


> I just think of all the good intentions that went into every one. I want to hug the poor fools and just tell them it wasn't meant to be.
> http://www.lifebuzz.com/pinterest-fails/



Love this--thanks for posting.  It also terrified me because I had to make a tie-dye cake today for someone's birthday, and I won't really know how it turned out until we cut into it tomorrow. I don't want to be another baking fail! If I do join the list, at least I'll have a virtual hug to look forward to .


----------



## Saisha

lucca23v2 said:


> I can't stop laughing.....



OMG! Me too!!



MsBrightside said:


> Love this--thanks for posting.  It also terrified me because I had to make a tie-dye cake today for someone's birthday, and I won't really know how it turned out until we cut into it tomorrow. I don't want to be another baking fail! If I do join the list, at least I'll have a virtual hug to look forward to .



Sometimes I feel like I'd be a permanent member of that list  Hope your cake turns out good


----------



## biglynch

MsBrightside said:


> Love this--thanks for posting.  It also terrified me because I had to make a tie-dye cake today for someone's birthday, and I won't really know how it turned out until we cut into it tomorrow. I don't want to be another baking fail! If I do join the list, at least I'll have a virtual hug to look forward to .


Well I'm hoping the best for the cake, nobody needs a birthday cake that looks like a thrown up rainbow. Your hug is ready if you need it.


----------



## Surlysomething

Elgin. As usual.


:bow:


----------



## dharmabean

Cross post.

One of my stops to take pictures on my road trip today.. this made me lol pretty hard.


----------



## RabbitScorpion

MsBrightside said:


> Lol! The Ben Vereen reference is so random.  This reminds me of an internet hoax about the dangers of "dihydrogen monoxide" http://www.snopes.com/science/dhmo.asp. Apparently giving something a scary name is often all you need to induce paranoia, although I sincerely hope that no one (with the possible exception of tabloid readers) will take the "bone monsters" list seriously.



I think the real message of the Dihydrogen Monoxide story is a cautionary tale about how you can ruin the reputation of something by choosing the words you use, pointing out the hazards of something that common knowledge would consider safe.


----------



## Goreki

RabbitScorpion said:


> I think the real message of the Dihydrogen Monoxide story is a cautionary tale about how you can ruin the reputation of something by choosing the words you use, pointing out the hazards of something that common knowledge would consider safe.


No, it's that the true meaning of Christmas is believing in yourself.


----------



## Surlysomething

I'm DYING. Hahahaha



lucca23v2 said:


> I can't stop laughing.....


----------



## MsBrightside

> Originally Posted by *Saisha*
> Sometimes I feel like I'd be a permanent member of that list  Hope your cake turns out good





biglynch said:


> Well I'm hoping the best for the cake, nobody needs a birthday cake that looks like a thrown up rainbow. Your hug is ready if you need it.



Thanks  It turned out to be somewhere between a masterpiece and a disaster, but it was for a group of tween girls, and they aren't too difficult to please. They just like cake and pretty colors.


----------



## biglynch

MsBrightside said:


> Thanks  It turned out to be somewhere between a masterpiece and a disaster, but it was for a group of tween girls, and they aren't too difficult to please. They just like cake and pretty colors.


I'm sending the hug anyways. Pictures of the cake by chance?


----------



## lucca23v2

I laugh every time I see this.. and to make it worse, every time an ice cream truck drives by with this music, all that [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABfq-e4GXrw"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABfq-e4GXrw[/ame]comes to mind is this man...lol


----------



## Surlysomething

LMAO

I love shit like this.



lucca23v2 said:


> I laugh every time I see this.. and to make it worse, every time an ice cream truck drives by with this music, all that comes to mind is this man...lol


----------



## lucca23v2

Surlysomething said:


> LMAO
> 
> I love shit like this.



Hilarious! The other day the ice cream truck went by plaing that song.. and I swear I was waiting for the yells in the middle of the song like the man..lol


----------



## lucca23v2

This guy cracks me up... I love how he calls people out on their stupid shit...lol

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z96AB_ysW6Q"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z96AB_ysW6Q[/ame]


----------



## Saisha

lucca23v2 said:


> I laugh every time I see this.





lucca23v2 said:


> This guy cracks me up...



Those were awesome  Did you see Alonzo's review of Partition by Beyonce where he tries to show his rendition of his favorite move of her's?  Love it when he falls off the chair a few times!


----------



## Esther

Had a person who eats meat, cheese, yogurt, ice cream, etc... yet inexplicably prefers soy milk in his coffee tell me how disgusting it is for me to drink milk.

Hahaha... ok!!


----------



## lille

Esther said:


> Had a person who eats meat, cheese, yogurt, ice cream, etc... yet inexplicably prefers soy milk in his coffee tell me how disgusting it is for me to drink milk.
> 
> Hahaha... ok!!



People are crazy.


----------



## x0emnem0x

Someone asked me on my ask.fm why I am so desperate for male attention. Which in turn made me laugh because 1.) I have a boyfriend, he gets my attention, so I'm not desperate because I get attention from him too. 2.) EVERYONE likes attention. If you're saying you don't, you're lying to yourself.


----------



## MsBrightside

biglynch said:


> I'm sending the hug anyways. Pictures of the cake by chance?



Thanks--I can always use one :happy: 

View attachment IMG_5896sm.jpg


----------



## biglynch

MsBrightside said:


> Thanks--I can always use one :happy:



Actually thats really good. I'd be proud of that.


----------



## WhiteHotRazor




----------



## Surlysomething

Hahahahaha! I like his style.





WhiteHotRazor said:


> lying little shit


----------



## Amaranthine

I wouldn't say LOL is appropriate. But the idea (and actualization) amused me, pushing aside the potential wish that men could actually get pregnant. 

http://imgur.com/gallery/km7N0


----------



## lucca23v2

I hate having to put something in here.. 

View attachment bad sex lol.jpg


----------



## dwesterny

Saw a personal ad "BHM looking for a BBQ" I am guessing it was a typo or auto correct, but maybe he just wanted some ribs.


----------



## bayone

Overheard bit of conversation:
"Just as well we didn't go to the Aquarium today, because we'd be all 'arrrgh, fiiiishhhh!'"

Not sure what she meant, but it sounded funny, especially as she had a tattoo of a clownfish on her left shoulderblade.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Bahaha! I haven't been yet, but I want to go...but I agree! I'd totally end up like 'arrrgh, fiiiishhhh!'"


----------



## bayone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Bahaha! I haven't been yet, but I want to go...but I agree! I'd totally end up like 'arrrgh, fiiiishhhh!'"



She must like fish, though, or why would she have got the tattoo? (It was a very nice depiction of a clownfish too)


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I dunno...have you SEEN some of the tatoos around TO?

Using that logic, a lot of people ADORE squiggles...

lol!


----------



## lucca23v2

So true!!!!! Sorry for the retards.. but aside from that.. it is all true. 

View attachment DRAMA.jpg


----------



## Tad

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I dunno...have you SEEN some of the tatoos around TO?
> 
> Using that logic, a lot of people ADORE squiggles...
> 
> lol!



I love the comic Something Positive (which is mostly sardonic and snarky, to be clear). One of the minor characters is a part time 'real life super hero' who dresses up in costume and helps old ladies cross the street or picks up trash in parks, or whatever--although he somehow still manages to end up in trouble.

In the second strip at the link he meets another costumed crusader doing a much more important (tatoo related) job:

http://somethingpositive.net/sp12132011.shtml


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I was explaining to a girl on my team that the reason a guy was not interested was that he was strategic, and she was functional - his brain turns off at "make it so, number one!". She is like scotty - important, but no one cares how he made it happen.

And she yelled out (laughing, she wasnt upset) "yea, well it matters to me because i am the one functionaling!"

Functionaling is my new fav made up word.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

This - how can you not oblige?


----------



## redheadzrule1074

I have not laughed this loud in months when a friend sent this to me earlier today:

Semen Crime
https://youtu.be/aisOjiQOSqY


----------



## deanbpm

This made me chuckle  

View attachment image.jpg


----------



## deanbpm

These pears. 

View attachment image.jpg


----------



## fat hiker

deanbpm said:


> These pears.



Far too cool!!


----------



## lucca23v2

deanbpm said:


> These pears.


 
True "Pear Shaped" figures...lol


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Those pears are so cool. And also creepy! Biting into one would be super awkward. But then again, who doesn't like sinking their teeth into a fat happy dude?


----------



## deanbpm

I wanted to buy some molds but then I remembered I don't have a pear tree.....or a garden....or patience for that matter.


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Those pears are so cool. And also creepy! Biting into one would be super awkward. But then again, who doesn't like sinking their teeth into a fat happy dude?



I tried to rep this so hard!


----------



## x0emnem0x

My moms Facebook post in response to everyone and their mom running for president:

"With the latest addition to the Republican field of contenders, I would like to announce that I am NOT running for President of the United States."


----------



## dwesterny

People who blatantly check out my shopping cart at the grocery store. So curious to see what the fat dude is buying. Clearly expecting to see at least 10 pounds of bacon, 8 pounds of butter and a variety of cakes and pies. When in fact all I have is a quite reasonable 6 pounds of bacon, 4 pounds of butter and pies but not cake. 


OK, yes. I had cake too, that was a lie.


----------



## dwesterny

I have since come up with a plan for handling this. Next time someone inventories my shopping cart I will look in their shopping cart, pick an item I want and take it and put it in my cart. They didn't pay for it yet, fair game.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

After 3 days my kitten has decided he is all that and a bag of chips, and that being crated is beneath him. He has that raspy kitten squeak, and he yells at us to let him out for hours. Its like having a kitten-cricket!!

(He is too small to romp with my dogs yet, and is getting into trouble so he is crated when not watched)


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> After 3 days my kitten has decided he is all that and a bag of chips, and that being crated is beneath him. He has that raspy kitten squeak, and he yells at us to let him out for hours. Its like having a kitten-cricket!!
> 
> (He is too small to romp with my dogs yet, and is getting into trouble so he is crated when not watched)



What kind of person mentions a kitten on an internet forum and does not post pictures of it? Have you no decency? There should be a law.


Oh and congrats on the new furball!


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> I have since come up with a plan for handling this. Next time someone inventories my shopping cart I will look in their shopping cart, pick an item I want and take it and put it in my cart. They didn't pay for it yet, fair game.



If you do, you have to film it or something, I wanna see the look on their face! xD


----------



## lucca23v2

These are completely inappropriate toys.. but I think it is hilarious! 

View attachment popeye.jpg


View attachment wrong.jpg


----------



## dwesterny

The Popeye soap dispenser reminds me of a drug company freebie we got at the last hospital I worked at. It was a Viagra promotional item, a liquid hand soap dispenser filled with pearlescent white soap with a pump dispenser on top emblazoned with the Viagra logo. However the spring that caused the pump dispenser to pop up and (and draw the soap up into the tube) was missing or broken. So the pump dispenser handle just lay there, flaccid so to speak. No one was ever certain if that was an intentional thing.


----------



## tankyguy

lucca23v2 said:


> These are completely inappropriate toys.. but I think it is hilarious!



[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdAIt4MgnHc[/ame]
Major pumping required.


----------



## dwesterny

That is disturbing. I am disturbed.


----------



## lucca23v2

OMG!!!!!!!!!! That is horrible, but I can't stop laughing!


----------



## deanbpm

Haha that is crazy


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

dwesterny said:


> What kind of person mentions a kitten on an internet forum and does not post pictures of it? Have you no decency? There should be a law.


 

You are of course correct! Oopsie. 

In order to mitigate my faux pas I will do you one better - later or tomorrow I will post a pic AND upload a video and post the link of him throwing an absolute adorable shit fit because he got crated. All 3.5 lbs of him is threatening to shiv me in my sleep


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

The moment you text your hubby the "before" hair pic and tell him the "after" is to come....

And he responds with "wow! You look gorgeous!" because he obviously isnt really paying attention.


FAIL!! 

TRY AGAIN!!!

Lol...


----------



## dwesterny

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTJvdGcb7Fs&feature=iv&src_vid=QKNnwLL991c&annotation_id=annotation_87171"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTJvdGcb7Fs&feature=iv&src_vid=QKNnwLL991c&annotation_id=annotation_87171[/ame]


----------



## MattB

Awesome! I'll see your puppets and raise you some Glove and Boots with a topic seemingly made for a Dimensions thread topic...

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2V5W7_MQXU[/ame]


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Hubby noticed my profile pic. 

"Great. Now I will probably have a stalker chasing after my beautiful wife. Although knowing your preference of the men on that board, they wont be moving very fast."

So I said, "I like my men how I like my zombies. Slow moving and inevitable."


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Hubby noticed my profile pic.
> 
> "Great. Now I will probably have a stalker chasing after my beautiful wife. Although knowing your preference of the men on that board, they wont be moving very fast."
> 
> So I said, "I like my men how I like my zombies. Slow moving and inevitable."



Hahaha, I love it! xD

As for my lol moment, yesterday I went for an interview in a bakery. I had noticed previously that all the workers there were pretty skinny but hadn't really thought anything of it... until they asked me to come into the back room for my interview and I had to squeeze past the counters through the tinest gap ever! I was looking at this gap thinking 'Really?' but there was no other way round so I just had to go for it!

There is something about a bakery, of all places, having such a tiny gap for employees to go through that struck me as really funny!


----------



## dwesterny

After I shower in the morning my cat likes to jump into the shower and sit on the shower/tub bottom where it is still warm from the hot water. The other day the drain was slow and there was several inches of water still in there and my cat jumped in without looking. Heard a splash, thrashing in water and distressed mew... Poor kitty.

I was reminded of this by Melian's shower post in the happy forum...


----------



## Melian

dwesterny said:


> After I shower in the morning my cat likes to jump into the shower and sit on the shower/tub bottom where it is still warm from the hot water. The other day the drain was slow and there was several inches of water still in there and my cat jumped in without looking. Heard a splash, thrashing in water and distressed mew... Poor kitty.
> 
> I was reminded of this by Melian's shower post in the happy forum...



Did you have to contort yourself to see the cat? Or was his thrashing....sexual?


----------



## dwesterny

Don't you talk about kitty that way!!! I was out of the shower already at this point, kitty waits till the water is not running and I have stepped out to jump in and enjoy the heat.


----------



## Melian

dwesterny said:


> Don't you talk about kitty that way. I was out of the shower already at this point, kitty waits till the water is not running and I have stepped out to jump in and enjoy the heat.



A likely story.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

My question is did your cat run or resign himself to just being wet?

I bathe my cat about once every three months (hubby has allergies) but although he hates getting in the water he is happy playing in it once he is in.


----------



## dwesterny

She jumped out, ran and hid. A while ago she tore the fabric out from under my box spring on my bed and loves to climb up in there to hide.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Long story short, consultants arranged a big event. Failed to tell my team there were not enough seats and it was first come, first serve.

Half of the team got rejected so all the managers said we would give up our tickets. The whole team was like no. It is all of us or none of us, and we will NOT accept that as a solution for the constants rudeness and mismanagement. This is going to create an absolute shit storm at my level and above, but i am so proud of them on their cohesion and team spirit.

So I proposed going out for drinks and venting instead...they seemed to like that.


----------



## Tad

Good on you, bad on the consultants!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I dont know why this made me laugh

Matt called me "X" for short (totally ok with it) - phonetically it is pronounced "zee-antha" so my brain went ahead and pronounced it like " yah! 'Z'!" and the other half went "that's an X, dummy" 

N the first half stared at the second in blank confusion for a moment before mutteing .."but X isnt my name...?"


----------



## MattB

Yeah, it's spelled 'X' but it's pronounced 'Zee'. It's a Dims dialect quirk.

Tad's new nickname is 'Ta'. Much faster to type.


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I dont know why this made me laugh
> 
> Matt called me "X" for short (totally ok with it) - phonetically it is pronounced "zee-antha" so my brain went ahead and pronounced it like " yah! 'Z'!" and the other half went "that's an X, dummy"
> 
> N the first half stared at the second in blank confusion for a moment before mutteing .."but X isnt my name...?"


 
It is one of those days isn't it? lol

I get that all the time when people call me Cynthia and I answer. (People assume that Cindy [my actual legal name] is short for Cynthia) 

Then on some days (my mind not really paying attention to anything other than a laser focus on what I am doing) they will go 20 minutes calling me Cynthia and I am like who are you calling? There is no one in this office with the name Cynthia. lol :doh:


----------



## Tad

My thought on reading these was "Gotta love brains." So I went to google an image to convey the thought ..... and the entire first page of search results was taken up with discussions of a nail polish by that name. Learn something new everyday, I guess?


----------



## loopytheone

Speaking of names, when I was a little kid a dinnerlady at school kept insisting that my actual name couldn't be my full name. She made me cry in the end, the jerk! But no, my actual name on my birth certificate is the two syllable, five letter name I refer to myself as.... um, I just realised my online alias, Loopy, fits that mould too. o_o Spooky. 

As for what made me laugh today? Me and my sister are doing a free-from version of the Great British Bake Off and my aunt agreed to be one of our taste testers. This week we made biscotti, which are supposed to be crisp and dry. And my aunts comments? She doesn't like how dry they are and thinks we must have done something wrong! ....maybe next time we should get a taste tester that actually knows what different baked goods are? =p

Also, said aunt came with us to release some ashes near the City Ground in town, which is the stadium of our local football team. It is a 30,000 seater stadium with the team logo and the word 'THE PITCH' written in giant green letters on the side of the stadium. And to get to the river you have to walk up a road for 10 minutes towards the stadium. So we walked about five metres from the stadium to the river to release the ashes and my aunt says 'Sorry if this is a silly question, but where actually is the City Ground?' whilst sitting about 8 feet from it! Made me laugh so much!


----------



## lille

loopytheone said:


> As for what made me laugh today? Me and my sister are doing a free-from version of the Great British Bake Off and my aunt agreed to be one of our taste testers. This week we made biscotti, which are supposed to be crisp and dry. And my aunts comments? She doesn't like how dry they are and thinks we must have done something wrong! ....maybe next time we should get a taste tester that actually knows what different baked goods are? =p



That's fantastic. I had something similar happen. I made chocolate biscotti and mailed them to my boyfriend. In my rush to get them mailed on time I forgot to label them. He thought they were terribly overcooked brownies at first.


----------



## dwesterny

loopytheone said:


> This week we made biscotti, which are supposed to be crisp and dry.


I want a nut free biscotto to have with my cappuccino.


----------



## lucca23v2

I cracked myself up....

While I was on the train going home, there was a woman sitting next to me that smelled like the bar well after a St. Paddy's day celebration. UGH! So I turned my face to the opposite side to breath less polluted air and I saw a young girl with a sentence tattooed on her thigh. 

I thought.. hey, that is kind of cool I should do that, then it hit me, the letters would have to be big so that the sentence looks normal.. because let's face it, I am a 353lbs chick with big hispanic thighs. I can fit all of war & peace on my thigh with footnotes!

and then I started laughing at myself loud and looked like a crazy person on the train.


----------



## dwesterny

lucca23v2 said:


> I thought.. hey, that is kind of cool I should do that, then it hit me, the letters would have to be big so that the sentence looks normal.. because let's face it, I am a 353lbs chick with big hispanic thighs. I can fit all of war & peace on my thigh with footnotes!


I love a woman with writing tattoos, it's nice to have reading material. I have a friend who plays for the pink team and after he got 1.5 sleeves he got his entire back covered in various tattoos (fleur-de-lis and things of this nature). I suggested it must be to keep people behind him occupied. He did not disagree.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Drat it, I can't rep you yet lucca!! 

Now, would war and peace be your first choice?


----------



## lucca23v2

dwesterny said:


> I love a woman with writing tattoos, it's nice to have reading material. I have a friend who plays for the pink team and after he got 1.5 sleeves he got his entire back covered in various tattoos (fleur-de-lis and things of this nature). I suggested it must be to keep people behind him occupied. He did not disagree.


Lol... true

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Drat it, I can't rep you yet lucca!!
> 
> Now, would war and peace be your first choice?



nope.. either the full writings of Jane Austen or Shakespeare..

or all 7 Harry Potter books... lol

Any of those full works would fit on my thigh...LMFAO!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Now, I would vote JA 

BUT

If you got all 7 Harry Potter books, you would get the double fun of FA *and *fanboy all in one...worshiping your soft skin...and its mystical text....


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Now, I would vote JA
> 
> BUT
> 
> If you got all 7 Harry Potter books, you would get the double fun of FA *and *fanboy all in one...worshiping your soft skin...and its mystical text....



It would be a good way to keep those nerdy types I like in bed... have to think ahead.. give them something to read..lol


----------



## dwesterny

How about a graphic novel?


----------



## lucca23v2

dwesterny said:


> How about a graphic novel?



oooo I didn't think of that.. all 145 issues of The Walking dead... that is a way to go...


----------



## loopytheone

lille said:


> That's fantastic. I had something similar happen. I made chocolate biscotti and mailed them to my boyfriend. In my rush to get them mailed on time I forgot to label them. He thought they were terribly overcooked brownies at first.



Hahaha, that is awesome! I can totally see the 'hugely overcooked brownies = biscotti' thought process too! Bless!



dwesterny said:


> I want a nut free biscotto to have with my cappuccino.



As it happens, the biscotti I made were indeed nut free! =3



lucca23v2 said:


> I cracked myself up....
> 
> While I was on the train going home, there was a woman sitting next to me that smelled like the bar well after a St. Paddy's day celebration. UGH! So I turned my face to the opposite side to breath less polluted air and I saw a young girl with a sentence tattooed on her thigh.
> 
> I thought.. hey, that is kind of cool I should do that, then it hit me, the letters would have to be big so that the sentence looks normal.. because let's face it, I am a 353lbs chick with big hispanic thighs. I can fit all of war & peace on my thigh with footnotes!
> 
> and then I started laughing at myself loud and looked like a crazy person on the train.



Hah! If you had thigh tattoos you'd have to deal with a lifetime of everybody turning their heads sideways and staring at your thighs, trying to read them! I do have a friend who says that being bigger just means more canvas for tattoos!


----------



## Tad

lucca23v2 said:


> oooo I didn't think of that.. all 145 issues of The Walking dead... that is a way to go...



I think you just need to make sure to lay things out to make sure to lead the reader in the direction you want them to go ...


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

lucca23v2 said:


> It would be a good way to keep those nerdy types I like in bed... have to think ahead.. give them something to read..lol



It would also serve as a device for quality control: any man in bed with you who can think about _reading_ probably needs to be mainlining testosterone.

OTOH, if you're _truly_ into nerds, you might consider a tattoo of Immanuel Kant's _Critique of Pure Reason_... in the original German, of course.


----------



## Amaranthine

Dr. Feelgood said:


> It would also serve as a device for quality control: any man in bed with you who can think about _reading_ probably needs to be mainlining testosterone.
> 
> OTOH, if you're _truly_ into nerds, you might consider a tattoo of Immanuel Kant's _Critique of Pure Reason_... in the original German, of course.



But then you'd risk actually attracting Kantians. There's no room for the categorical imperative in the bedroom. I'd take my chances with a tattoo of Bentham's principle of utility, though :batting:

Speaking of philosophy and things another human being might find funny: 

http://existentialcomics.com/comic/77


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Amaranthine said:


> :
> 
> Speaking of philosophy and things another human being might find funny:
> 
> http://existentialcomics.com/comic/77


 
Ok, this one I have to share with my politics and history hubby who is also a long time tabletop RPG player...

BTW: He giggled like crazy


----------



## dwesterny

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9SqQNgDrgg"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9SqQNgDrgg[/ame]


----------



## dwesterny

Something written by Steve Martin:

Schrodinger's Cat
A cat is placed in a box, together with a radioactive atom. If the atom decays, a hammer kills the cat; if the atom doesn't decay, the cat lives. As the atom is considered to be in either state before the observer opens the box, the cat must thus be considered to be simultaneously dead and alive. -ERWIN SCHODINGER'S CAT PARADOX, 1935

Wittgenstein's Banana
A banana is flying first class from New York to L.A. Two scientists, one in each city, are talking on the phone about the banana. Because it is moving in relationship to its noun, the referent of the word banana never occupies one space, and anything that does not occupy one space does not exist. Therefore, a banana will arrive at JFK with no limousine into the city, even though the reservation was confirmed in L.A.

Elvis's Charcoal Briquette
A barbecue is cooking wieners in an airtight space. As the charcoal consumes the oxygen, the integrity of the briquette is weakened. An observer riding a roller coaster will become hungry for wieners but will be thrown from the car when he stands up and cries, "Elvis, get me a hot dog."

Chef Boyardee's Bungee Cord
A bungee cord is hooked at one end to a neutrino, while the other end is hooked to a vibraphone. The neutrino is then accelerated to the speed of light, while the vibraphone is dropped off the Oakland Bay Bridge. The cord will stretch to infinite thinness, the neutrino will decay, and the vibraphone will be smashed by the recoiling bungee. Yet an observer standing on the shore will believe he hears Tchaikovsky's second piano concerto performed by Chef Boyardee's uncle Nemo.

Sacajawea's Rain Bonnet
Lewis and Clark are admiring Sacajawea's rain bonnet. Lewis, after six months in the wilderness, wants to wear the rain bonnet, even when it's not raining. Clark wants Sacajawea to keep wearing it and doesn't want to have to deal with Lewis, who conceivably could put on the bonnet and start prancing. However, an observer looking back from the twenty-first century will find this completely normal.

Apollo's Non-Apple Non-Strudel
Imagine Apollo running backward around the rings of Saturn while holding a hot dish of apple strudel. In another universe, connected only by a wormhole, is a dollop of vanilla ice cream. The vanilla ice cream will move inexorably toward the wormhole and be dumped onto the strudel. Yet wife swapping is still frowned upon in many countries.

Jim Dandy's Bucket of Goo
Jim Dandy is placed in a three-dimensional maze. His pants are tied at the ankles and filled with sand. Every time he moves to another dimension of the maze, he must review the movie Titanic, first with one star, then with two stars, then with three, while never mentioning its box office take. If he completes the maze, he will then be able to untie his pant-legs, and the spilling sand will form a bowling trophy that Jim Dandy may take home.

The Feynman Dilemma
A diner says to a waiter, "What's this fly doing in my soup?" And the waiter says, "it looks like the backstroke." Yet if the same scene is viewed while plunging into a black hole at the speed of light, it will look like a Mickey Mouse lunch pail from the thirties, except that Mickey's head has been replaced by a Lincoln penny.

George Hamilton's Sun Lamp
George Hamilton is dropped into an empty rental space next to a tanning salon on the dark side of the moon. There is no way into the salon except through an exterior door, but if George exits, it could mean dangerous exposure to deadly gamma rays. George could open his own tanning salon by tapping the phone lines from next door and taking their customers. And yet George is cooked when he exits the rental space while using a silver-foil face reflector.


----------



## MattB

Happy 70th B'day to a literary giant...here's a giant picture...


----------



## lucca23v2

I made her her own comfy warm bed.. but does she sleep in it no.. she decides she is going to sleep in my bed.. no big deal I have a queen sized bed.. but instead of having her own space, she decides she is going to nestle up behind me.. (I sleep on my side) and stretched out so that she has all the space and I have the edge of the bed.. WTF??? SMH.. and she is not even my dog! She belongs to my niece. The life of a dog.. I wish I had it (except for the sniffing of other dog butts)

I couldn't do anything but laugh and move her.. 

View attachment really (1).jpg


----------



## lucca23v2

these women... lol
[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnYuCVhRgK8"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnYuCVhRgK8[/ame]


----------



## lucca23v2

As if anyone needed more reasons to love Patrick Stewart...

http://www.starz.com/originals/blunttalk/video/39fe4c865aef45259a362777c9b202f2


----------



## RentonBob

My new manager ends all of our talks and her emails to me with "That would be great" I have officially nicknamed her Lumbergh...


----------



## biglynch

Look at him! I laughed a lot! 

View attachment WP_20150719_004.jpg


----------



## loopytheone

biglynch said:


> Look at him! I laughed a lot!



My face when somebody somebody shows me hot cookie-dough brownie!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

My Signet is a pigglet. He ate half a bagel...little brat...

He eats Everything!!!!

Ugh...but also lol


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I have had so much to drink at this rum/tiki night i cant figure out how to lovk the stall door! 

Ive never been this tispy (cuz stomach stuff) and i have to say it, and everything else, is HILARIOUS.


----------



## dwesterny

Ohhh have fun!! I tried to rep you but could not. Locking the stall door is excessive anyhow.


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha = adorable drunk! Make sure to drink plenty of water and get some protein when you wake up!


----------



## Tad

I'm thinking today's posts from Xyantha could be interesting too!

(But I hope the drinks don't stir up your digestive issues too much.)


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I have had so much to drink at this rum/tiki night i cant figure out how to lovk the stall door!
> 
> Ive never been this tispy (cuz stomach stuff) and i have to say it, and everything else, is HILARIOUS.


I'm realizing this is not your first stall door related post. I think there is more to explore here. Deep... seated issues?

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Screw you!! Bathrooms are HARD lol!!!  

Digestive issues are not what woke me up ironically - instead it was my jerk-face 4 month old kitten. I'm actually surprised I am not in more pain, but a lot of what sets me off is fillers/soy/preservatives, and all their ingredients were fresh and yummy. I don't know that we will retain our membership though...it just isn't worth it for how many tastings they have, and they are all pretty much the same format. I mean, it was awesome the first few times, but now I would rather save that money and just buy booze to drink at home.


Edit: I tried to find a funny bathroom scene on youtube to visually show how you have to balance on one leg, use the other leg to keep the door closed, while holding your purse in one hand and gathering toilet paper with the other. It is an athletic feat, I tell you!!! 

But instead all I got was kinky and gross bathroom scenes. I was not aware bathrooms were such a...thing.


----------



## MsBrightside

Xyantha Reborn said:


> ...I tried to find a funny bathroom scene on youtube to visually show how you have to balance on one leg, use the other leg to keep the door closed, while holding your purse in one hand and gathering toilet paper with the other. It is an athletic feat, I tell you!!!



I've um...heard that if you put the purse around your neck, it leaves an arm free to hold the door closed. Of course this only works if it's not a clutch.



> _But instead all I got was kinky and gross bathroom scenes. I was not aware bathrooms were such a...thing_.


Neither was I until I saw some of the thread titles that pop up with the most recent posts on the paysite boards. Or read some of the fantasies in the sexuality thread. All I can say is there's something for everyone.


----------



## lucca23v2

MsBrightside said:


> I've um...heard that if you put the purse around your neck, it leaves an arm free to hold the door closed. Of course this only works if it's not a clutch


 
I guess you can put the clutch in your mouth.. if there is that much alcohol in your body, I am sure no germs will live long enough in your mouth from holding the clutch there as you pee. 

Hypothetically of course.... it is not like I have ever done it myself...:blush:


----------



## Amaranthine

If you have a female friend around, she'll likely stand and hold the door for you. It's the first instance where going to the bathroom in groups has made sense to me. Last time I went out drinking with a friend, the bar bathroom was extremely busy so she just suggested we go in the same stall. I was pretty drunk so I didn't care...but I never realized how different a world bar bathrooms are


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> what sets me off is fillers/soy/preservatives, and all their ingredients were fresh and yummy. I don't know that we will retain our membership though...it just isn't worth it for how many tastings they have, and they are all pretty much the same format. I mean, it was awesome the first few times, but now I would rather save that money and just buy booze to drink at home.
> .


There are a lot of good mixed drinks you can make so easily with fresh ingredients. I have no clue why people use those crappy syrupy mixes. My favorite was the store selling "Dirty Martini Mix" which I assume is just olive brine with no olives in it. I like Hemingway Daiquiris (no sugar/syrup same as he drank them) or mint juleps are actually quite tasty. For something stronger I go with dry gin martini but those get me in trouble. 



Xyantha Reborn said:


> instead all I got was kinky and gross bathroom scenes. I was not aware bathrooms were such a...thing.



Please see internet rules 34, 36 and 46.
Rule 34 
Generally accepted internet rule that states that pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject. 

Rule 36
If it exists, someone has a fetish for it. No exceptions.

Lastly

Rule 46
There is always furry porn of it.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I was maintaining one of my credentials by doing those stupid online courses. This is a legit, word for word transcription of the question. 

You are about to start an interview. How should you put the candidate at ease?

a) "Good morning Rebecca. I'm the owner of the hotel. Please have a seat. I don't want to waste your time so let's get started. I expect you to answer all my questions promptly and honestly."

b) "Lovely to meet you Rebecca. I own this hotel. Can I take your bag for you? And would you like some water - it can get a little dry in this room."

c) "Hi Rebecca, nice to meet you. You're wearing a crucifix. I'm very glad to see that - I'm a Christian myself."

Omg. WTF? lmfao...


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

(d.) Hi, Rebecca. I see you're wearing a crucifix. Are you a virgin? Because we're celebrating a black mass this evening...


----------



## CleverBomb

dwesterny said:


> Something written by Steve Martin:
> 
> Schrodinger's Cat
> A cat is placed in a box, together with a radioactive atom.
> ...


An amusing (if less plausible sounding) parody of all this can be found in any modern quantum-physics textbook.


----------



## Melian

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-33995842

Can't believe they actually did it. I just saw Laibach a few months ago - they have been one of my favourite bands since the mid 90's.


----------



## dwesterny

I was reaching in my closet on the left hand side and on the right out of my vision a belt slid from the top shelf down along the wall making this dropping rustling slide for the length of the belt (mind you this lasted a while due to the length of my belts). The thought that pops into my head when I hear this: SNAKE IN MY CLOSET! Because clearly that was the most likely cause of the sound.


----------



## Tad

Perfectly rational response, really.

- if it was a snake, reacting that way may save your life.
- it if was not a snake, reacting as if it were a snake is not apt to cause you any harm (other than your dignity, but survival instincts can be oddly uncaring about dignity)


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Long snake 

I dont know - i mean half the stories of snakes in toilets seem to have come from NY...dont know why i feel that way, i mean it is totally unjustified.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I dont know - i mean half the stories of snakes in toilets seem to have come from NY...dont know why i feel that way, i mean it is totally unjustified.



Absolutely. I lived in NY for four years, heard all the snake stories, and none of them held up. You need to watch out for the piranhas, though.


----------



## Amaranthine

The first annual philosophy department party is called "kegging the question."

I like these people already, despite being in for 2 years of bad puns.


----------



## Tad

Amaranthine said:


> The first annual philosophy department party is called "kegging the question."
> 
> I like these people already, despite being in for 2 years of bad puns.



Ale say it: I feel like we have been preparing you for this, for years ;-) You can come back lager and tell us how beery grateful you are for the tolerance we've helped you build up


----------



## dwesterny

The following text message conversation with my vegetarian animal rights nut friend.

Strst= start. You try typing on a phone with these sausage fingers.


----------



## bayone

Tad said:


> Perfectly rational response, really.
> 
> - if it was a snake, reacting that way may save your life.
> - it if was not a snake, reacting as if it were a snake is not apt to cause you any harm (other than your dignity, but survival instincts can be oddly uncaring about dignity)



Further possibility -- one of your belts has been a disguised snake all along, and you caught it out of character.


----------



## dwesterny

bayone said:


> Further possibility -- one of your belts has been a disguised snake all along, and you caught it out of character.


Perfect, thanks a lot. Now you've got me too scared to wear a belt. I will be walking around with my pants precariously balanced around my ample hips or more specifically around my passion banisters.1


References:
1- Tankyguy, 18 August 2015 comment on "Any Way You Want It Thread" post number 332 _Dimensions Forums_ http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=101185&page=14


----------



## bayone

dwesterny said:


> Perfect, thanks a lot. Now you've got me too scared to wear a belt. I will be walking around with my pants precariously balanced around my ample hips or more specifically around my passion banisters1.
> 
> References:
> 1- Tankyguy comment on "Any Way You Want It Thread" post number 332_Dimensions Forums_ August 2015 http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=101185&page=14



My plan to encourage suspenders/braces is working!


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> Perfect, thanks a lot. Now you've got me too scared to wear a belt.I I will be walking around with my pants precariously balanced around my ample hips or more specifically around my passion banisters.1
> 
> 
> References:
> 1- Tankyguy, 18 August 2015 comment on "Any Way You Want It Thread" post number 332 _Dimensions Forums_ http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=101185&page=14



I'm love the term but I'm loving the proper, academic quality reference there even more!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

bayone said:


> My plan to encourage suspenders/braces is working!



All i can say is yum!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Signet had decided he is not only part of the Aussie Posse, he leads it. That includes gettinga bone which he chews on while the other dogs chew theirs.

He is so badass.


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Signet had decided he is not only part of the Aussie Posse, he leads it. That includes gettinga bone which he chews on while the other dogs chew theirs.
> 
> He is so badass.



Well of course he leads it, what else would his role possibly be? =p


----------



## Wanderer

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I was maintaining one of my credentials by doing those stupid online courses. This is a legit, word for word transcription of the question.
> 
> You are about to start an interview. How should you put the candidate at ease?
> 
> a) "Good morning Rebecca. I'm the owner of the hotel. Please have a seat. I don't want to waste your time so let's get started. I expect you to answer all my questions promptly and honestly."
> 
> b) "Lovely to meet you Rebecca. I own this hotel. Can I take your bag for you? And would you like some water - it can get a little dry in this room."
> 
> c) "Hi Rebecca, nice to meet you. You're wearing a crucifix. I'm very glad to see that - I'm a Christian myself."
> 
> Omg. WTF? lmfao...



You'd be surprised how many people miss the question, at that. Sure, it should be obvious that b) is wrong -- you're not there to put her at ease, you're there to interview her -- but c) is a common misstep from people who try to be "conversational" and just wind up at "overly familiar".


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Ironically b is actually the correct answer (as per the content of the course) because the whole thing is soft skills to make people open up and talk. There thing is you learn nothing from closed questions, so make them comfortable talking so you can ask open ended questions. The idea was "are you good at task x?" Vs "tell me about a time when you needed to take charge - what would you have done the same or differently?"


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Ironically b is actually the correct answer (as per the content of the course) because the whole thing is soft skills to make people open up and talk. There thing is you learn nothing from closed questions, so make them comfortable talking so you can ask open ended questions. The idea was "are you good at task x?" Vs "tell me about a time when you needed to take charge - what would you have done the same or differently?"


Ironically... this is how most people converse (not conversation as people tend to say.. ugh like nails on a chalk board) with friends.

Very rarely do friends ever ask closed questions of each other.

My guess is.. this is what they want..make people.feel.like they are chattung with a friend. You would be surprised how often people over share during interviews because of this approach.. lol

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----------



## Wanderer

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Ironically b is actually the correct answer (as per the content of the course) because the whole thing is soft skills to make people open up and talk. There thing is you learn nothing from closed questions, so make them comfortable talking so you can ask open ended questions. The idea was "are you good at task x?" Vs "tell me about a time when you needed to take charge - what would you have done the same or differently?"



Ah! Well, that's what I get for not being trained.  At least I proved one thing -- it's easy to get the question wrong.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Tha what's pissing you off today thread


----------



## lucca23v2

I went to the nutri initial yesterday and was explaining to her things I can't eat.. she said.. you have a sensitive stomach.. I told her.. sometimes I have a stomach.. sometimes I have 2 assholes... she looked at me like wtf?..

So I explained... sometimes my stomach is great.. behaves.. then other times it doesn't want to be a stomach.. it decides it rather be an asshole and push everything out...

She just about died.. her face was so red... lol

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----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I texted my sister: "entertain me, beeatch!" And this is what she sent back


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

She also sent me this pic.

Apparently he gets all messy wouldnt clean himself and wouldnt let them brush him either, so she "took it all away so that all the other cats would see his shame) (she is a groomer). Poor Wilson lol.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> She also sent me this pic.
> 
> Apparently he gets all messy wouldnt clean himself and wouldnt let them brush him either, so she "took it all away so that all the other cats would see his shame) (she is a groomer). Poor Wilson lol.


Well who doesn't like a shaved... ohh nevermind.


What made me laugh:

Coworker: Is it hot in here or am I crazy?
Me: Those conditions are not mutually exclusive.

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## Xyantha Reborn

Ha!

We have a blind 4 way hall intersection (relatively narrow) by my desk. I looked down and there is old spills from coffee flying due to near miss collisions. Its really obvious and gross, but its also funny because this has clearly been happening for years and yet no one has done anything about it!!

Also, i jokingly texted my hubby inwanted the goblin king to take me away, and now we are
Arguing about the labrynth via text. We r so geeky.


----------



## lucca23v2

I got this when I logged into yahoo..


Hi, Lucca!
Everyone's tongue print is unique.

It made me laugh.. and then I thought how would anyone know that? Why does anyone need to know that? 

More useless data for my brain to keep..

lol


----------



## lucca23v2

I wore shorts and a t-shirt to work today... then I get here and look at the mirror and I look like Spanky from the little rascals... :doh:


----------



## loopytheone

"Grab my cock, quickly!"
"What's wrong with you, isn't it obvious which one is the cock?"
"No, the cock goes in the other one!" 
"Does one of you have my mini cock?"

You have to love working on a farm.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

loopytheone said:


> "Grab my cock, quickly!"
> "What's wrong with you, isn't it obvious which one is the cock?"
> "No, the cock goes in the other one!"
> "Does one of you have my mini cock?"
> 
> You have to love working on a farm.



You have me mentally picturing you living "the Gardener" story, with sexy fat guys chasing hens...


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

My hubby had a snifter full of old fashioned and he leaned down to one of my dogs and happily asked him, "does it smell good? Take a sniff!" and proffered the glass under his nose for inspection.

What he didn't know is that i feed my dogs my icecubes from MY old fashioneds. And forgot that "take it" is their release command

So my dog took a suitable connoisseurish sniff, then, seeing that the glass was still offered and he had in fact been told "take" - he stuck his tongue in it.

The shocked and horrified expressions and exclamations made me howl, especially as I heard him debating with himself how much tongue could have possibly touched, and the disinfecting properties of alcohol, then his moans as he dumped it and poured another. wtf did you expect to happen?? lol


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> My hubby had a snifter full of old fashioned and he leaned down to one of my dogs and happily asked him, "does it smell good? Take a sniff!" and proffered the glass under his nose for inspection.
> 
> What he didn't know is that i feed my dogs my icecubes from MY old fashioneds. And forgot that "take it" is their release command
> 
> So my dog took a suitable connoisseurish sniff, then, seeing that the glass was still offered and he had in fact been told "take" - he stuck his tongue in it.
> 
> The shocked and horrified expressions and exclamations made me howl, especially as I heard him debating with himself how much tongue could have possibly touched, and the disinfecting properties of alcohol, then his moans as he dumped it and poured another. wtf did you expect to happen?? lol


Lol.... awesome!!!!

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## dwesterny

My father used to have a bulldog that drank beer from long neck bottles... Stayed off the hard stuff.



Xyantha Reborn said:


> old fashioned


Bourbon or rye with bitters 1 ice cube for me. No sugar, I'm sweet enough. No cherry they sometimes season them with almonds and I'm allergic.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

1-1 whisky to simple syrup, with a brandy cherry, plus agnostura bitters and orange peel for me. I'm high maint like that.


----------



## dwesterny

Brandy cherry might work. I don't like simple syrup, for some reason it always tastes not like sugar. Bourbon and bitters is good enough for me, though. If I'm getting fancier maybe a sweet rob roy with a lemon twist or dry martini (hendricks gin or broker's gin also out of almond paranoia as many gins use them), 3 garlic stuffed olives. Technically the allergen protein should not make it through the distilling process but better safe than reversing peristalsis.


----------



## Tad

Xyantha Reborn said:


> My hubby had a snifter full of old fashioned and he leaned down to one of my dogs and happily asked him, "does it smell good? Take a sniff!" and proffered the glass under his nose for inspection.
> 
> What he didn't know is that i feed my dogs my icecubes from MY old fashioneds. And forgot that "take it" is their release command
> 
> So my dog took a suitable connoisseurish sniff, then, seeing that the glass was still offered and he had in fact been told "take" - he stuck his tongue in it.
> 
> The shocked and horrified expressions and exclamations made me howl, especially as I heard him debating with himself how much tongue could have possibly touched, and the disinfecting properties of alcohol, then his moans as he dumped it and poured another. wtf did you expect to happen?? lol



What was the dog's reaction to the taste?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Tad said:


> What was the dog's reaction to the taste?



He liked it enough that when he reared back and yanked the glass away, some spilled, which my pup eagerly cleaned up off the floor!


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> He liked it enough that when he reared back and yanked the glass away, some spilled, which my pup eagerly cleaned up off the floor!



50% simple syrup it's no surprise.


----------



## Tad

Xyantha Reborn said:


> He liked it enough that when he reared back and yanked the glass away, some spilled, which my pup eagerly cleaned up off the floor!



".... he was doing so well with his training, looking like a future star, then with one mistake he discovered the joys of hard liquor. And so his course was changed from agility star to booze hound " (just teasing, I know you won't let him start checking out everyone's blue boxes in hopes that they didn't get the dregs out of their liquor bottles!)


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Tad said:


> ".... he was doing so well with his training, looking like a future star, then with one mistake he discovered the joys of hard liquor. And so his course was changed from agility star to booze hound " (just teasing, I know you won't let him start checking out everyone's blue boxes in hopes that they didn't get the dregs out of their liquor bottles!)


 
LOOOLLLL!!!!

Next time he curls up with a super exhausted look on his face after agility, I am SO going to put a few empties beside him and snap a picture!!!


----------



## lucca23v2

lol.. the right side is my inner monologue.. the left is what actually comes out after much effort. And boy does it take effort to not let the right side win!...lol 

View attachment work etiquette.jpg


----------



## lucca23v2

View attachment uploadfromtaptalk1441145107025.jpg
hopefully the pic is not big.. this gave me a very clear mental picture... and I lol in an auditorium full of people. ..

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----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I love both of those Lucca!

---

My kitten is a boob man. Every time i put him on my chest he cuddles right into them and goes to sleep.

So the hubby tried it, and damned if kitten didnt curl up on his moobs too!

Indescriminate boob cat!!


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I love both of those Lucca!
> 
> ---
> 
> My kitten is a boob man. Every time i put him on my chest he cuddles right into them and goes to sleep.
> 
> So the hubby tried it, and damned if kitten didnt curl up on his moobs too!
> 
> Indecriminate boob cat!!


Lol.. I think all cats are boobs crazy

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----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I love both of those Lucca!
> 
> ---
> 
> My kitten is a boob man. Every time i put him on my chest he cuddles right into them and goes to sleep.
> 
> So the hubby tried it, and damned if kitten didnt curl up on his moobs too!
> 
> Indescriminate boob cat!!



This has been documented. I think I may have linked this video before. More documentation of the phenomenon would not hurt... Ahem. Actually the kneading behavior is thought to be related to how kittens stimulate milk flow while nursing with alternating pressing.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hF9gDxVOHPk[/ame]


----------



## MsBrightside

^This all sounds awfully familiar. 

I had to get a tire patched and a couple of others replaced last week at the local tire store, and they have a resident orange tabby. He jumped up on my lap, so I stroked his fur and rubbed his ears; but he started enjoying it a little too much, kneading and trying to nuzzle his way into my chest in the middle of the waiting room, where there were 4 mechanics, 3 HVAC repairmen and a couple of other customers watching the whole thing. 

Down, boy!


----------



## loopytheone

My friend had a cat that only ever wanted to sit with young ladies! He also used to suck at your collarbone and neck like he was suckling, it was so weird. We used to call him a vampire kitty!

I know somebody was helping me cut a guinea pig's claws the other day and he was just getting to the last paw, one of the front ones, and was trying to find it only to discover the piggie had stuck it down my top! Happens a lot, somehow!


----------



## dwesterny

Someone mentioned today that it seems mean to include the letter "S" in the word lisp.

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## Xyantha Reborn

Lol!

---

Guy msged me at work
"Ok, np, just one sex.
Sex
Sex
Sex
OMG im so sorry!!
Sex
Sex
Sec!!!! Sec!!! I meant sec!!!!!"


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Lol!
> 
> ---
> 
> Guy msged me at work
> "Ok, np, just one sex.
> Sex
> Sex
> Sex
> OMG im so sorry!!
> Sex
> Sex
> Sec!!!! Sec!!! I meant sec!!!!!"


Lol

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----------



## ODFFA

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Lol!
> 
> ---
> 
> Guy msged me at work
> "Ok, np, just one sex.
> Sex
> Sex
> Sex
> OMG im so sorry!!
> Sex
> Sex
> Sec!!!! Sec!!! I meant sec!!!!!"



 Why is this autocorrect thing always so hilarious?


----------



## dwesterny

ODFFA said:


> Why is this autocorrect thing always so hilarious?


When discussing a program that was being started with a potential employer I once texted "that sexually exciting" instead of "that sounds exciting" to describe the idea, yay autocorrect. Also using dims on my phone has made my autocorrect way more perverted.

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----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Well 

a) now i need to know how that text went over
b) ...sure. Dims. 

I had to turn my autocorrect off because every word that started with B was belly, and F was fat.

I'm like, yeah, that IS what is on my mind, but nononono


----------



## Tad

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Well
> 
> a) now i need to know how that text went over
> b) ...sure. Dims.
> 
> I had to turn my autocorrect off because every word that started with B was belly, and F was fat.
> 
> I'm like, yeah, that IS what is on my mind, but nononono



I just got some odds looks from the people left at work from bursting out laughing at that one.

:bow:


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Went downstairs and hubby was drinking. Was like, ...can i have that? And he said yes. So long as i swore up and down to finish it.

So i chugged the whole glass. Of 4 shots of liquior apparently.

Then i went into the kitchen and was like oh, good, a glass half full of water. Chugged it. Was g&t. Oops.

I am...accidentally on my way to being drunk?!

Happy friday! :wubu::wubu::wubu: minecraft is going to be so fun tonight!!


----------



## lucca23v2

Lol...way to go Xy... that is the best kind of drunk

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## Xyantha Reborn

Tad - here you go. Booze hound.


----------



## dwesterny

Nice pic, tee hee. So what made me lol today happened in the supermarket. I was waiting in line bent at the waist arms on my shopping cart push handle thingy leaning forward at about 90 degrees. I see the cashier girl and the bag girl share a look at each other and stifle laughter while looking in my direction. I looked down and realized 2 buttons were open on my very loose shirt and I was exposing ummm hectares of man cleavage. Yup.

Six weeks ago I would have been mortified, today I just shrugged it off and said to myself "Eh, too bad no dims FFAs were around for that."


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Good for you 

----

This. Could only happen. In TO.

I cant even begin to explain this, but i will take a stab. A racoon died and animal control took DAYS to clean it up. So in protest, people made him a memorial - gave him a joint, lit candles, put a picture of a live racoon beside him...

Now its become a "thing" and racoons are having memorials all over the city. 

And now this!

http://www.cbc.ca/m/news/trending/dead-raccoon-toronto-cne-butter-sculpture-1.3216064


----------



## lucca23v2

This made me laugh. This is how we all feel at my job right now. Six days into 19 straight days of work with no break working 12 hours or more and it is only going to get worse. yeah me! 

View attachment sleep is for the weak.jpg


----------



## MsBrightside

Xyantha, I couldn't load the link you posted to get the full effect of the raccoon memorials , but that's crazy! 

D., I'm not sure why some people feel compelled to find their amusement at the expense of someone they don't even know. Laughing at stupid things that friends do or say (and vice versa) is much more entertaining! 

And your last comment is spot-on. I for one quite enjoyed the mental images evoked by this little anecdote. 

Sorry if you felt a bit awkward, though. I don't think I've ever had that exact thing happen to me, but I have had safety pins that I used to hold the neckline of my blouse closed (for the reasons Xyantha described today in the Fashion Venting! thread) pop open suddenly, with similar effects.

lucca, that sounds awful! Hope you're well-caffeinated.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Poor lucca  

Yeah - i have had that same thing happen....in the middle of a presentation, before i started wearing undershirts, the girls just busted out of cover !
---

For those that cant load the link. This is a butter sculpture.


----------



## MsBrightside

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Yeah - i have had that same thing happen....in the middle of a presentation, before i started wearing undershirts, the girls just busted out of cover !


In the middle of a presentation?!  Sorry that happened to you, but it does sound pretty funny in retrospect. 



> _For those that cant load the link. This is a butter sculpture_.


OMG! The Illinois State Fair features a life-size butter cow sculpture every year, but it can't compare with that! 

Thanks for going to the trouble of posting the pic; it's a definite must-see for this thread.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

MsBrightside said:


> In the middle of a presentation?!  Sorry that happened to you, but it does sound pretty funny in retrospect.



Well, i had their undivided and attentive attention...


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> Nice pic, tee hee. So what made me lol today happened in the supermarket. I was waiting in line bent at the waist arms on my shopping cart push handle thingy leaning forward at about 90 degrees. I see the cashier girl and the bag girl share a look at each other and stifle laughter while looking in my direction. I looked down and realized 2 buttons were open on my very loose shirt and I was exposing ummm hectares of man cleavage. Yup.
> 
> Six weeks ago I would have been mortified, today I just shrugged it off and said to myself "Eh, too bad no dims FFAs were around for that."



Haha, wow, if it makes you feel better I would have been staring as well! I am so imagining you looking like the BHM version of those Italian guys that wear their shirts unbuttoned to the ribs! 



Xyantha Reborn said:


> Yeah - i have had that same thing happen....in the middle of a presentation, before i started wearing undershirts, the girls just busted out of cover !



On this topic... when I graduated from uni (you can see where this is going) we were required to wear button up shirts, which I generally don't. So I had my robes and such on and you have to walk across the stage, shake hands with the chancellor etc all whilst being videod HD in close up and streamed around the world for people to watch.

When I got off the stage I realised that two of the buttons around my chest had burst open at some point... it was a black shirt and I am a pasty white girl so it wasn't exactly something you can easily miss. 

Now days I have given up and only wear special made button up shirts with extra room around the chest...


----------



## dwesterny

loopytheone said:


> Haha, wow, if it makes you feel better I would have been staring as well! I am so imagining you looking like the BHM version of those Italian guys that wear their shirts unbuttoned to the ribs!
> 
> 
> 
> On this topic... when I graduated from uni (you can see where this is going) we were required to wear button up shirts, which I generally don't. So I had my robes and such on and you have to walk across the stage, shake hands with the chancellor etc all whilst being videod HD in close up and streamed around the world for people to watch.
> 
> When I got off the stage I realised that two of the buttons around my chest had burst open at some point... it was a black shirt and I am a pasty white girl so it wasn't exactly something you can easily miss.
> 
> Now days I have given up and only wear special made button up shirts with extra room around the chest...



Not so much the unbuttoned shirt for me when I am aware of it. I express my Italian-American heritage by sitting down to a pasta dinner in a white sleeveless undershirt with a red checkered napkin tucked into the collar. Gotta take off the good shirt before dinner or you might get sauce on it. Fuhgetabouddit.

Regarding graduation button bursting, don't suppose you have a copy of that HD video?


----------



## lucca23v2

I swear it fell out of the bag that way... LMFAO 

View attachment crazy rubberbands.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Lol...horny meter 10000?


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Lol...horny meter 10000?


Lol... maybe...all work and no play...

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## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> Not so much the unbuttoned shirt for me when I am aware of it. I express my Italian-American heritage by sitting down to a pasta dinner in a white sleeveless undershirt with a red checkered napkin tucked into the collar. Gotta take off the good shirt before dinner or you might get sauce on it. Fuhgetabouddit.
> 
> Regarding graduation button bursting, don't suppose you have a copy of that HD video?



If there is one wheat thing I really miss, it is pasta. Have you tried rice-pasta? It is... not pasta. =( 

Hahaha, no, thankfully not! I'll obviously have to track down every copy of that video and destroy it, just in case! =p


----------



## loopytheone

More farm lols!

My assistant manager, in response to people teasing him about being short, referred to himself and me as being shetlands, as in, shetland ponies, which I think is awesome! I'm using that from now on! xD There is also a tendency in the barn to accidentally overfeed the large animals, leading to a wonderful conversation about the pigs being fat ('They're pigs' 'Yes, but they are fat pigs' 'How fat is a pig supposed to be?'). This also lead to the realisation that Billy the Shetland pony is my spirit animal; small, fat, loves food and is generally quirky and stubborn and a pain in the bum to deal with! =p 

Also, I had to climb over a four foot fence to get to the sheep in front of all the farm visitors. My assistant manager, who is skinny as anything, did it no problem but that fence is old, creaky and wooden and jesus was I ever worried it was going to break! It didn't, of course, because I'm actually not all that heavy, but I was worried!

That isn't even getting started on the 'this isn't the right rabbit' incident, the teen romance, my techniques for health checks and nail clippings or the 'newcomers' situation! Working in the barn is hard but my god is it ever fun!


----------



## dwesterny

loopytheone said:


> More farm lols!
> 
> My assistant manager, in response to people teasing him about being short, referred to himself and me as being shetlands, as in, shetland ponies, which I think is awesome! I'm using that from now on! xD There is also a tendency in the barn to accidentally overfeed the large animals, leading to a wonderful conversation about the pigs being fat ('They're pigs' 'Yes, but they are fat pigs' 'How fat is a pig supposed to be?'). This also lead to the realisation that Billy the Shetland pony is my spirit animal; small, fat, loves food and is generally quirky and stubborn and a pain in the bum to deal with! =p
> 
> Also, I had to climb over a four foot fence to get to the sheep in front of all the farm visitors. My assistant manager, who is skinny as anything, did it no problem but that fence is old, creaky and wooden and jesus was I ever worried it was going to break! It didn't, of course, because I'm actually not all that heavy, but I was worried!
> 
> That isn't even getting started on the 'this isn't the right rabbit' incident, the teen romance, my techniques for health checks and nail clippings or the 'newcomers' situation! Working in the barn is hard but my god is it ever fun!


Too cute. :wubu:


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Thats awesome Loopy!! It sounds like you are working with a pretty good group!

Ps if you are a shetland do you also kick and bite? Most ponies i met are secretly adorably evil.

----

What made me LOL? My boss is a boob glancer and all three of us overly well endowed ladies were standing there and i think we each barely got half a second of eye contact - to the point we all burst out laughing when he left.

If you are going to oogle, just get it over with! Dont try and drag it out with micro eye drops every few seconds.


----------



## Tad

Xyantha Reborn said:


> If you are going to oogle, just get it over with! Dont try and drag it out with micro eye drops every few seconds.



Probably he doesn't mean to ogle, wants to be professional and not ogle, but his eyes keep going there the moment he doesn't have them glued somewhere else. But as soon as he notices he pulls them away, but then he tries to focus on what he is saying or what you are saying, stops focusing on where he is looking, and his eyes slide south again, he realizes, yanks them back again, etc.

Not that I'd have any experience with this  (granted, I'm probably more likely to have this problem with noticeable bellies, but visible cleavage can also be a challenge.  There is one somewhat chubby young lady at work who seems to prefer wide/deep necks that show at _least _a hint of cleavage whom I'm sure wonders what I find so fascinating about her ears -- after all staring straight in her eyes all during a conversation is also odd).

I really envy anyone who can only look at what they consciously intend to look at!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I find extended eye contact very aggressive, so i tend to look down or to the side to break it up. So if you got a big belly...same thing!

I have green eyes and i have been told it is particularly unnerving for people when i DO make extended eye contact (something about the relatively rare colour?)

I dont take offense if guys (or hell gals - i stare at nice cleavage too) look. Its just the oopsie flitting that makes me laugh, because i feel bad for them. I try and make sure my clothes arent form fitting and i am not popping out....but size is size i guess!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I just realized - multiple people who have seen my face here say it says "danger" - that makes me laugh so hard because i am naturally a happy person who has that face that makes randoms come and talk to me/ask me for directions...i must look like a big meany in my pics!

Vicious Xy!


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> Too cute. :wubu:



Glad I made you smile! =3



Xyantha Reborn said:


> Thats awesome Loopy!! It sounds like you are working with a pretty good group!
> 
> Ps if you are a shetland do you also kick and bite? Most ponies i met are secretly adorably evil.
> 
> ----
> 
> What made me LOL? My boss is a boob glancer and all three of us overly well endowed ladies were standing there and i think we each barely got half a second of eye contact - to the point we all burst out laughing when he left.
> 
> If you are going to oogle, just get it over with! Dont try and drag it out with micro eye drops every few seconds.



It is fun! Hahaha, indeed, most ponies, including Billy, are like that! But I think I nip rather than bite! =p

I so know that feeling! I am also the person who does this; I suck at eye contact at the best of times and I'm kinda eye-to-boob level with most people! There is a friend of mine who used to laugh because she is quite big and I give tight hugs, so I kinda automatically ended up laying my face on her boobs whenever I hugged her!


----------



## lucca23v2

So.. there are copiers in my office...and today one of the copiers was jammed so my coworker who is short decides she is going to put her hand in the machine.. so my supervisor says pull it out.. pull it out... and so my coworker yells back.. it hurts.. it hurts.. I just about died laughing.... I told them.. if someone were down the hall where they could not see you.. that exchange did not sound business related at all...lol

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## Xyantha Reborn

I love those!

----

My dogs are intact and i plan to coordinate with my breeder for the best options/bloodlines etc in a few years. Intact female dogs are referred to as bitches (it isnt swearing in this context, its the actual word) and as i only own boys i wound in essence "rent" one of my breeders girls for the job. Then i would keep a puppy.

So i was talking to the hubby and casually mentioned "we would just go rent a bitch" without realizing how hilarious and NOT dog related it sounded out loud.


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I love those!
> 
> ----
> 
> My dogs are intact and i plan to coordinate with my breeder for the best options/bloodlines etc in a few years. Intact female dogs are referred to as bitches (it isnt swearing in this context, its the actual word) and as i only own boys i wound in essence "rent" one of my breeders girls for the job. Then i would keep a puppy.
> 
> So i was talking to the hubby and casually mentioned "we would just go rent a bitch" without realizing how hilarious and NOT dog related it sounded out loud.



Haha, I love it! I know people always chuckle the first few times they go to a dog show, just at the class names! Crufts is the best: Special Junior Bitch, Special Beginner Bitch, Graduate Bitch, Post Graduate Bitch, Limit Bitch, Veteran Bitch... and my personal favourite, Open Bitch, which obviously needs to be said as a command! xD I know trying to explain to non-dog people about whether or not my dogs are successful in shows often ends with 'I've won lots of 'Best Bitch's...'.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Bahaha i love it!!

Loopy when i saw this i thought of you and our convos and it made me laugh!!!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

One of the guys at work who is a shameless flirt with every woman  found a huge bug as he playfully hyphenated our last names in a field that should NOT have been editable!!!!!

I was like...omg shame on you...and omg thank you!!!


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Bahaha i love it!!
> 
> Loopy when i saw this i thought of you and our convos and it made me laugh!!!



Hahaha, I love it! Tea = love.


----------



## loopytheone

So, I had the most bizarre group interview ever last night. It included building a giant paper tower. 

Only one person burst into tears during the interview and it wasn't me, so I'd count that as a success.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Part of me feels bad for / while laughing at that person...

And the other part of me is super curious as to where you are interiewing! I have never had one so interesting!


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Part of me feels bad for / while laughing at that person...
> 
> And the other part of me is super curious as to where you are interiewing! I have never had one so interesting!



Don't feel bad, I was kinda half amused half sympathetic as well! She was telling a story about a dog of hers that died a couple of years ago and just started crying. It was really awkward, especially as this story telling was part of the interview and she was the person to speak before me. So I had to just start talking about my dog with this woman crying next to me as though that is a normal situation. o____o 

I was interviewed for a job at Pets and Home! It was the weirdest interview I've ever had and lasted 3 hours!


----------



## lucca23v2

My sign at work which everyone keeps trying to steal. But I think I should take it down. I don't want to offend or be insensitive to anyone. 

View attachment my sign.jpg


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

I need a sign like that for when I'm meditating.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Texted my sister a picture of my weekend schedule, which included a category called "grinding day". This is what followed:

Me: Look at this insanity! Trying to figure out my weekends and when the bday party will be!
Her: What's grinding day...I hmm think of only two possibilities...
Me: Meat for dog food

---

Me: LMFAO omg i just got that
Her: Lmao! No no no! I figured the food after a moment, but my first thought was you just grinding through WoW all day! Lmao!!!
Me: Lol!
Her: (her b/f) says you're going to level the dog. But omg lol
Me: Absolutely. Then I gotta build up his "trees" in agility and rally, cuz he has to have dual specialization 

LOL for dirty minds and for gaming family


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Texted my sister a picture of my weekend schedule, which included a category called "grinding day". This is what followed:
> 
> Me: Look at this insanity! Trying to figure out my weekends and when the bday party will be!
> Her: What's grinding day...I hmm think of only two possibilities...
> Me: Meat for dog food
> 
> ---
> 
> Me: LMFAO omg i just got that
> Her: Lmao! No no no! I figured the food after a moment, but my first thought was you just grinding through WoW all day! Lmao!!!
> Me: Lol!
> Her: (her b/f) says you're going to level the dog. But omg lol
> Me: Absolutely. Then I gotta build up his "trees" in agility and rally, cuz he has to have dual specialization
> 
> LOL for dirty minds and for gaming family



My immediate thoughts were gaming and - for a reason even I can't explain - grinding things with a pestle and mortar. Like herbs, or chemicals. Took me a while to get what your sister was laughing at!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

... and then Amaranthine sent me this!

I frequently (ok, always) resemble this...

http://www.clickhole.com/article/8-signs-youre-unholy-amalgamation-personality-trai-2895


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> ... and then Amaranthine sent me this!
> 
> I frequently (ok, always) resemble this...
> 
> http://www.clickhole.com/article/8-signs-youre-unholy-amalgamation-personality-trai-2895


Lol.. this is so me too!.. I can hang out and go to parties.. but I never stay long.. once it starts to get past 10 people.. I am out.. too many people around

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## lucca23v2

This is so me right now. .lolView attachment uploadfromtaptalk1442586716121.jpg


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## Xyantha Reborn

I don't know if this is true, but omg

Kummerspeck (German):

Excess weight gained from emotional overeating. Literally, grief bacon.


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I don't know if this is true, but omg
> 
> Kummerspeck (German):
> 
> Excess weight gained from emotional overeating. Literally, grief bacon.



Bwahahaha! xD I dunno if that is true either but I love it!


----------



## agouderia

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I don't know if this is true, but omg
> 
> Kummerspeck (German):
> 
> Excess weight gained from emotional overeating. Literally, grief bacon.



Yes - it's true, the word exists and is pretty commonly used. 

You can of course translate it literally - although grief is too strong a translation for Kummer; it's more 'sorrow'. But if I have to translate it in a text (which has happened), I go for an idiomatic transcription.
Comfort eating is a concept also in English - so the idea that you can gain weight from doing that isn't exactly alien.


German has the standard option of 'glueing' together words and creating a new compound word. That's why it also has so many concept words. Never forget, Freud was a native German speaker - so especially in the field of (social-) psychology it has come up with some pretty nifty terms. 

To expand on your example Xyantha:

Frustfressen führt zu Kummerspeck.
(Frustration gorging leads to sorrow fat.....  )


The compound words - nouns as well as verbs - have a drawback though: They can lead to writing a stiff, constructed, overfraught to downright incomprehensible language.

From writing a lot in both English and German - I can say that they're good for different things. Like I only write fiction in English - because it's better for shorter, snappier observations and descriptions. That also makes it the logical choice for all forms of business and marketing. Also, English is better for writing analysis' - because it forces you to be linguistically precise; you can't muddle through with concept constructions.
In turn, German is more vivid and nuanced for all the social-psychology stuff and for narrating layered historic or procedural developments.


----------



## lucca23v2

Loopy... I thought you would get a kick out of this. This is the candy you should give out for halloween. 

View attachment loopy.jpg


----------



## loopytheone

lucca23v2 said:


> Loopy... I thought you would get a kick out of this. This is the candy you should give out for halloween.



OMG! xD That is amazing! I am so confused and happy! I pretty much never find things with my actual IRL name on it so finding something with my username is awesome! 

Also, as for what made me lol yesterday? One of the cats at the farm, Rogue, caught a rat on top of the muck heap. Fine, that is what the cats are there for. She then carried it down, walked in front of some visiting children on the path, and put the still-alive-but-dying-and-twitching rat down in front of them. I know that doesn't sound funny, but the horrified fascination of the children and the exasperation of the farm manager about Rogue's choice of place to put the rat was hilarious!


----------



## dwesterny

This
 http://www.pleated-jeans.com/2015/...mmendations-to-the-liquor-store-by-my-house/ 
Example:






Also
 http://www.pleated-jeans.com/2015/05/26/i-added-some-new-pet-options-to-my-local-pet-store/ 
Example:





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## MsBrightside

lucca23v2 said:


> My sign at work which everyone keeps trying to steal. But I think I should take it down. I don't want to offend or be insensitive to anyone.


 
Funny, and the protective layer of plastic wrap is a nice touch. 



dwesterny said:


> This...Also...


I enjoyed these-tfp.  

I also liked the description for the Baby Godzilla Lizard and how potential owners need to provide "crickets for eating and giant moths for fighting." Which got me to wondering how Amaranthine and OD feel about Mothra?


----------



## BigChaz

I've been out of town the past few days. On my flight back this morning I saw a man set his hot pretzel in his seat while putting up his luggage, then proceed to promptly sit down on his pretzel


----------



## lille

At just over a year old, Archer learned how to wag his tail. He did it last night for the first time ever.


----------



## Melian

BigChaz said:


> I've been out of town the past few days. On my flight back this morning I saw a man set his hot pretzel in his seat while putting up his luggage, then proceed to promptly sit down on his pretzel



LOL. I would have lost it.


----------



## dwesterny

Melian said:


> LOL. I would have lost it.


Me too. I hate to see food destroyed. 

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## Xyantha Reborn

aww lille - does he have that little piggy tail, or does he have a full one?

Chaz...I laugh but also mourn the loss of golden salty buttery goodness...

---

I left 15 minutes early because I needed to log on and work tonight. I forgot my jacket and walked back in - only to find that one of my guys that was supposed to be working still decided that without me physically being there, he could leave.

He had to pass me to leave as I walked back, and he looked so foolish that I just had to laugh...


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> aww lille - does he have that little piggy tail, or does he have a full one?
> 
> Chaz...I laugh but also mourn the loss of golden salty buttery goodness...
> 
> ---
> 
> I left 15 minutes early because I needed to log on and work tonight. I forgot my jacket and walked back in - only to find that one of my guys that was supposed to be working still decided that without me physically being there, he could leave.
> 
> He had to pass me to leave as I walked back, and he looked so foolish that I just had to laugh...



Busted.. that is why you wait 20 minutes after they drive away. after 20 minutes of driving no one is turning back around...lol


----------



## lille

Xyantha Reborn said:


> aww lille - does he have that little piggy tail, or does he have a full one?



He has a teeny little nub, I think it's got maybe two bones in it. It's never moved and we didn't think he could move it or even had feeling. But last night it twitched up and down a few times.


----------



## loopytheone

lille said:


> He has a teeny little nub, I think it's got maybe two bones in it. It's never moved and we didn't think he could move it or even had feeling. But last night it twitched up and down a few times.



I know one of my puppies was born with a kink in his tail and could never move it... seeing him learn to twitch the base and send the rest of his tail swinging was so cute!


----------



## lucca23v2

View attachment 121830


This pic cracked me up.

Be yourself because everyone else is taken -Oscar Wilde


----------



## agouderia

Some days in life, you just have to be childish. 

Today was such a day for me - had lots of fun playing this very silly Peanuts game and peanutizing many friends.... 

http://www.peanutizeme.com/ 

View attachment profile-picture-1443012189.jpg


----------



## dwesterny

agouderia said:


> Some days in life, you just have to be childish.
> 
> Today was such a day for me - had lots of fun playing this very silly Peanuts game and peanutizing many friends....
> 
> http://www.peanutizeme.com/


Peanuts artwork has come a long way it looks like. 

I just recently referenced my own feeling of common experience with Charlie Brown in a conversation. See below.






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## agouderia

Yeah - that's a total classic. Many people will have felt like that sometime during sports in school.

In the course of this peanutizing game I also did the 'which character are you' test. I always thought I was Lucy ..... instead I'm supposed to be Linus .... don't really know why.


----------



## dwesterny

agouderia said:


> Yeah - that's a total classic. Many people will have felt like that sometime during sports in school.
> 
> In the course of this peanutizing game I also did the 'which character are you' test. I always thought I was Lucy ..... instead I'm supposed to be Linus .... don't really know why.


Haha nope, the feeling of the football getting pulled before the moment of satisfaction (aka kick) has nothing to do with sports in this case. Not to mention the resultant tumble from rushing head long.

As far as Linus goes, I could in fact see a number of FFAs liking soft cuddly things for a sense of security. Maybe not blankets exactly.


I would also like to point out to Xyantha I am in fact quoting someones whole post in my reply. Twice. Just for you. Because I know you said you like it when people do that.

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----------



## Tad

dwesterny said:


> Peanuts artwork has come a long way it looks like.
> 
> I just recently referenced my own feeling of common experience with Charlie Brown in a conversation. See below.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk



Now that I think of it, I should print that out and stick it up at my desk at work ...


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Had someone ask me in this sort of tsking way how my hubby feels about me talking to "random hot fat guys on the internet and building stuff with them".

I had to laugh. "hmm, I don't know, let me ask him - but wait, he has to finish talking to said hotties first, and he is too busy building alongside them to concentrate right now. Plus, there are hot girlies on too, it isn't just me."


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Had someone ask me in this sort of tsking way how my hubby feels about me talking to "random hot fat guys on the internet and building stuff with them".
> 
> I had to laugh. "hmm, I don't know, let me ask him - but wait, he has to finish talking to said hotties first, and he is too busy building alongside them to concentrate right now. Plus, there are hot girlies on too, it isn't just me."


Mr. Xyantha is a cool guy. 

Quoted your whole post. Again.

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## Xyantha Reborn

MR XYANTHA!!! LMAO!!!

...**picks up a pen in readiness to stab you with** 

No, it's when people quote an entire wall of text that it irritates me, because it makes the thread look messy, is redundant, and doesn't follow quoting best practices!


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Had someone ask me in this sort of tsking way how my hubby feels about me talking to "random hot fat guys on the internet and building stuff with them".
> 
> I had to laugh. "hmm, I don't know, let me ask him - but wait, he has to finish talking to said hotties first, and he is too busy building alongside them to concentrate right now. Plus, there are hot girlies on too, it isn't just me."



Haha, that is awesome! Though now I'm imagining it being you with just a harem of BHM, building minecraft poledancing clubs or something. =p



dwesterny said:


> Mr. Xyantha is a cool guy.



Is it wrong that this is what I refer to him as in my head as well? =p


----------



## Archetypus

I watch a lot of foreign films/programs & I usually hate the English voice-overs. But I'm making an exception for this one. Warning: SPIDERS.

https://youtu.be/L2ZEMnalozc?t=717


----------



## Crumbling

Watching the local 'culture maven' have to sit through 20 minutes of a guy freestyle beatboxing on a jumbo sized didgeridoo.

Priceless.


----------



## dwesterny




----------



## Tad

I love that first one, in large part because that looks like a lovely way to be able to travel at times


----------



## Melian

Archetypus said:


> I watch a lot of foreign films/programs & I usually hate the English voice-overs. But I'm making an exception for this one. Warning: SPIDERS.
> 
> https://youtu.be/L2ZEMnalozc?t=717



I couldn't view the video, however, it was linked to videos with names like, "spider kills girl in 15 min," "hobo spider bite," "big spider bathroom daddy screamer," etc.....and those made me cackle.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-BbpaNXbxg[/ame]

This is my personal favourite


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-BbpaNXbxg
> 
> This is my personal favourite



I love it!


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-BbpaNXbxg
> 
> This is my personal favourite


That is funny, but I will always love the classic.

[ame]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg[/ame]

Also made lol this morning; Instead of telling me to come to the window after ordering my coffee at the drive through the woman told me to "come in the window".


----------



## x0emnem0x

This video. I've literally been watching this daily. It's just too funny to pass up and it doesn't even make sense.

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-UmfqFjpl0"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-UmfqFjpl0[/ame]


----------



## tankyguy

In the long checkout line at the mall, a 3-4 year old girl kept saying "ow my nuts!" over and over making everyone laugh while her embarrassed mom was trying to shush her without cracking up laughing herself.


----------



## lucca23v2

I am sitting in an auditorium for my last support group meeting before surgery... nothing but us fatties as far as the eye can see.. in every direction... I can't help but think.. this is an FA/FFA'S heaven...lol

Be yourself because everyone else is taken -Oscar Wilde


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Uh oh i hope it goes well for you Lucca!

---

Last week I made the universal touch to the lower stomach/grimace combo that means "i am on my period"

One of my girls high fived me because our "mensis are syncing". Awkward

The guy next to me was like...


----------



## dwesterny

I have a vendor who recently pissed me off coming in for a meeting soon. He set things up with other departments without telling me though he knew he should. In preparation for the meeting I grabbed tons of items made by their competitor from my supply room and lined my office with them like a display counter. Hmm maybe some competitor brochures as well... I think I have some.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Vindictive. I like it!


----------



## dwesterny

Had the nurse who did my pre-md appoinment checkin convinced I have been a vegan for over 10 years. Keep in mind I weigh well over 4 bills. She looked so confused.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Hey, vegan can be fatty (think indian food!).

---

I am sitting in a room full of rough around the edges type guys, and the guy i helped earlier was saying loudly how awesome I was. So i was like "thats right gents! Not just a pretty face!!" And snapped my fingers/ did a hair toss over my shoulder for emphasis. They were so shocked i was not prim and proper that the whole room started laughing.

They like me better now, i think.


----------



## Tad

dwesterny said:


> Had the nurse who did my pre-md appoinment checkin convinced I have been a vegan for over 10 years. Keep in mind I weigh well over 4 bills. She looked so confused.



"They call him the garden killer. You go to bed beaming about the bushel of carrots youll be harvesting in the morning, and wake up to find the garden empty except for a whiff of aftershave and some very deep footprints. There's a bounty on him in South Dakota and they say Monsanto is working on new GMO just to stop him, but in the meantime he's been emptying gardens from coast to coast ...  "


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Baha!

---
This sign.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Baha!
> 
> ---
> This sign.



In view of the options presented, I choose be round.

**Picks purloined peppers**


----------



## RentonBob

Just heard some new terminology for the workplace.

Voluntold: When you are told that you have been selected to "volunteer" for a project.

Good times...


----------



## lucca23v2

RentonBob said:


> Just heard some new terminology for the workplace.
> 
> Voluntold: When you are told that you have been selected to "volunteer" for a project.
> 
> Good times...


Oh joy! Will the wonders of corporate america never end...

Be yourself because everyone else is taken -Oscar Wilde


----------



## Tad

We've been using that one in a non-work way for a while. "Your mother phoned, and we've been voluntold to bring brussel sprouts for Thanksgiving dinner." In that context I find it somewhat amusing.

In the workplace, blargh!


----------



## Melian

High school kids around here need some 40h of "volunteer" work in order to graduate. I always considered this the epitome of "voluntold."


----------



## RentonBob

Tad said:


> We've been using that one in a non-work way for a while. "Your mother phoned, and we've been voluntold to bring brussel sprouts for Thanksgiving dinner." In that context I find it somewhat amusing.
> 
> In the workplace, blargh!



True, the task was not a lot of fun but, I got to pick my own team and we finished it in few hours so it wasn't too bad.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Tad said:


> We've been using that one in a non-work way for a while. "Your mother phoned, and we've been voluntold to bring brussel sprouts for Thanksgiving dinner." In that context I find it somewhat amusing.
> !



You eat _brussels sprouts_ for Thanksgiving dinner? Is this so you won't get overly thankful?


----------



## lucca23v2

lol.....lava butt... 

View attachment lava butt.jpg


----------



## MsBrightside

RentonBob said:


> True, the task was not a lot of fun but, I got to pick my own team and we finished it in few hours so it wasn't too bad.


 
Glad you were able to get it taken care of so quickly. 



lucca23v2 said:


> lol.....lava butt...


That is pretty funny. 

People used to take food out of the fridge at my last workplace (a government institute) all the time! Not just sodas or yogurts, but entire sack lunches or stuff in personal tupperware-type containers. So bizarre.


----------



## lucca23v2

MsBrightside said:


> People used to take food out of the fridge at my last workplace (a government institute) all the time! Not just sodas or yogurts, but entire sack lunches or stuff in personal tupperware-type containers. So bizarre.



I don't understand why people would do something like that. I mean.. it is someone else's food. To me that is like using their toothbrush or something personal... you know..


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

That is one reason I never use company fridges. Worst thing? They would only half eat a sandwich i brought or something equally gross! At that point, just eat it all!!


----------



## Tad

Dr. Feelgood said:


> You eat _brussels sprouts_ for Thanksgiving dinner? Is this so you won't get overly thankful?



Brussels sprouts need two frosts before the taste is good (slightly sweet, not cabbage-y). Around here, that tends to happen shortly before our Thanksgiving, so totally look a treat . Plus we are near a farmers market where we can buy them on the stock.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

One of my guy friends took his wife shooting. I dont really like guns but... He texted ne:

"shooting the .50 call gives you joy in the daddy sack"

Omfg. I love my friends. Freaks.


----------



## dwesterny

I can never remember people when I meet them, so this makes me laugh.
[ame="https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Yh-0dFvTyI8"]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Yh-0dFvTyI8[/ame]


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> I can never remember people when I meet them, so this makes me laugh.



Haha, I love it! This is me with all the teenagers at the farm I work at! They honestly all look the same to me and yesterday we determined that there are three girls working their that nobody knows the name of despite them working there for about a month!

Also, speaking of the farm, I got some chuckles out of that yesterday! Mainly one of the teenagers who has been there since he was a kid, Jacob, being sassy to our manager, Rob. In retaliation, Rob got him to 'mix up' the muck heap by standing on top of the giant pile of cow/goat/sheep/horse poo for half an hour. What really made me laugh yesterday though, was their interaction just before we left the farm. We were talking about out door trampolines for some reason and the kiddo made a joke about how Rob (who is probably about as chubby as I am but not really big or anything) wouldn't be allowed on them or they'd break at which point Rob just smiled sweetly and beckoned him over to stand in front of him. It took, like, ten minutes for Jacob to actually do so as he kept nervously backing away every time he got anywhere near Rob, who eventually responded by mock-slapping him. But the look on the kids face as he kinda nervously shuffled over to our manager was hilarious!


----------



## dwesterny

My friend from Boston texted me this.


----------



## lille

Archer is the biggest drama queen. We think it's because he was the runt and was bottle fed for a short time and generally coddled as a puppy. He goes under furniture and cries because he thinks he's stuck, despite the fact that he got himself under there and this occurs on an almost daily basis. When he inevitable knocks the toy that he was after out from under said furniture, he cries louder for you to rescue him. But if you squeak the toy and throw it, suddenly he is able to to free himself without assistance. This morning he was crying because he was under the lizard tanks and his ball was not.

Exhibit A


----------



## Tad

FFA have often wondered on these boards :How do I subtly let people know that I am an FFA?"

I think I have the answer: http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ilvr/

Put that on your lawn or balcony for Halloween, then just leave it up all year ....


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Haha but he is so creepy!

----

This


----------



## lucca23v2

lille said:


> Archer is the biggest drama queen. We think it's because he was the runt and was bottle fed for a short time and generally coddled as a puppy. He goes under furniture and cries because he thinks he's stuck, despite the fact that he got himself under there and this occurs on an almost daily basis. When he inevitable knocks the toy that he was after out from under said furniture, he cries louder for you to rescue him. But if you squeak the toy and throw it, suddenly he is able to to free himself without assistance. This morning he was crying because he was under the lizard tanks and his ball was not.
> 
> Exhibit A



I can sympathize with archer. According to my mom, after learning to crawl I would routinely crawl under the table and then cry because I could not figure out how to get out. According to my mother I would do this at least twice a day...lol poor archer!


----------



## Yakatori

x0emnem0x said:


> "_...been watching this daily. It's just too funny to pass up and it doesn't even make sense._"


Yeah, I'm into it as well. Sort of reminds me of:

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc8bzl6dqQI[/ame]


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Under "What you need to know" in a job posting, it said 

"WILL be carrying a BlackBerry."

Lol...that sounds like, and is, a punishment...


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Under "What you need to know" in a job posting, it said
> 
> "WILL be carrying a BlackBerry."
> 
> Lol...that sounds like, and is, a punishment...



That is a no in my book. It took me 6 months to give my manager my cell number. I told him this is only for emergencies and to text me only text me when he texts the whole department.

I hate being that "available" to the office.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

All jobs I look at/the position requires that you carry a work phone, and have 100% availability during work hours, and limited availability after hours. It's been a way of life for me so I barely notice.

I meant more specifically they want you to carry a _blackberry_...ugh


----------



## lucca23v2

My boss thinks I am dumb. He comes to me saying.... you know it is hard for us to work as a team when you sit out in the other room by yourself... we should give you one of the free desks...I was like no.. first of all you just want to be able to see what i am doing.. so no.. second.. if it is mandatory that i move back.. i want my original desk back. I am not going to a smaller desk.. You moved me to give your snitch a seat... so if i have to be moved again.. your snitch has to take the lesser seat.

He has to do better than that to catch me.. dummy... lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## lucca23v2

I have a cold and I am sounding very much like Barry White...

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpPQBL7PNhs"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpPQBL7PNhs[/ame]


----------



## loopytheone

In my interview yesterday, the lady interviewing me asked what size uniform I would need if I got the job, which I guess is fair enough? She mentioned that they had size 10, 12 and 14 and then just sort of stopped and looked at me. So I said a 16 (hahaha, more like an 18 actually but the fact that she stopped at 14 made me nervous about saying that) and she actually told me she didn't believe that and I couldn't be. So, according to this lady who has only just met me, I'm a size 14/M! ...couldn't really think of a polite way of pointing out that I was sat in front of her in size 18 clothes but it did make me laugh!

Also, I was a size 14 when I was fifteen and 140lbs. I'm, like, 40lbs heavier than that, now. Deeeefintely not a size 14!


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Maybe British clothiers are better organized than us Yanks (it wouldn't take much), but my wife complains that sizes vary _wildly_ between stores. She says she can't say what her size is until she knows what line of clothes you're talking about! I wouldn't be surprised if there exists a store -- somewhere in Wales, probably -- where you are a size six,


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Half of the women's clothes in Canada are in inches. So it's like 32/34/36/38/40 inches as a size measurement. 

and yet you can have clothes going 00, 0, 2, 4, 6 (double zero...yeah. Isn't that like saying you have size -a boobs?)


----------



## lucca23v2

For the most part sizes are generals... most people can't buy off the rack/shelve/hanger and the clothes fit perfect. This is for everyone, fat, skinny, tall, shirt, average. There is always something that can be done to make the size fit better.

Most people think, these actors, their clothes fit so well.. yeah well, on the set there are tailors and off the set they have stylist and tailors that suit the clothes to their bodies.


----------



## loopytheone

Dr. Feelgood said:


> Maybe British clothiers are better organized than us Yanks (it wouldn't take much), but my wife complains that sizes vary _wildly_ between stores. She says she can't say what her size is until she knows what line of clothes you're talking about! I wouldn't be surprised if there exists a store -- somewhere in Wales, probably -- where you are a size six,



There is some variation in size (I think most people have one size they are and a handful of clothes in the sizes either side of that) but compared to American sizes it seems a lot more reasonable to me. There is a standard in terms of what each size "should" be and usually a couple of inches variation on that standard, but not much more. So, an 'average' size 18 is 44-36-46 and an 'average' size 14 is 39-31-41 in terms of measurements. Given that I'm about 44-34-44, I can pretty much guarantee that my tubby self wouldn't be able to fit into a 14 in any store. =p

And because I'm pedantic, a size 6 would be 31-24-33. My actual ribcage, even when I was 100lbs, has never been smaller than 34 inches, so I think I'd have to break my actual ribs to ever fit it those. =p I love numbers and maths, can you tell? 



Xyantha Reborn said:


> Half of the women's clothes in Canada are in inches. So it's like 32/34/36/38/40 inches as a size measurement.
> 
> and yet you can have clothes going 00, 0, 2, 4, 6 (double zero...yeah. Isn't that like saying you have size -a boobs?)



I dunno if you have AA cup bras over there, but that is literally the same measurement for the ribcage as the boob part. That does sound like a pain to try and figure out though! 



lucca23v2 said:


> For the most part sizes are generals... most people can't buy off the rack/shelve/hanger and the clothes fit perfect. This is for everyone, fat, skinny, tall, shirt, average. There is always something that can be done to make the size fit better.
> 
> Most people think, these actors, their clothes fit so well.. yeah well, on the set there are tailors and off the set they have stylist and tailors that suit the clothes to their bodies.



So true! Tailors are pretty awesome when it comes to making things fit. This website is the closest thing I have to a tailor! =p


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Ocassionally I look into the original meaning of everyday phrases. 

My cat was on my desk. He left proof.

Showing results for ducks lined up in a row meaning
Search instead for ducks lined up in a row meaning 99999999999999999999999999-----/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*


----------



## MsBrightside

I was straightening up between high school algebra class periods today and found a pair of boxer-briefs on the floor under someone's desk. :blink:


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

That is both disgusting and hilarious


----------



## Tad

MsBrightside said:


> I was straightening up between high school algebra class periods today and found a pair of boxer-briefs on the floor under someone's desk. :blink:



I really hope that was someone's spare pair ..... :doh:


----------



## dwesterny

Tad said:


> I really hope that was someone's spare pair ..... :doh:


Or maybe they were just really enjoying the class.


----------



## LeoGibson

MsBrightside said:


> I was straightening up between high school algebra class periods today and found a pair of boxer-briefs on the floor under someone's desk. :blink:



Could be his way of subtly letting you know he's hot for teacher!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

A tiney, tiny part of me wants to ask if they were clean, and the other part is stopping its ears in horror at the mere thought


----------



## LeoGibson

Depends on which was the soiled side. One side a giant ego booster, the other, err not so much.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

LeoGibson said:


> Depends on which was the soiled side. One side a giant ego booster, the other, err not so much.




You didn't happen to give your class a pop quiz that day, did you?


----------



## lucca23v2

I am reading a book.. Peaches Monroe starlight by Mimi Strong... in it the main character tells her (of course) underwear model boyfriend about hot pockets... and she tells him to "stay away from the one with broccoli because it tastes like Satan's bunghole"... needless to say I lost it in the office and was dying laughing for about 30 minutes!


----------



## Ohio Lady

I was ask today how many times I have told guys that "my beautiful blue eyes" were not located on my chest - I couldn't help but die laughing and then after thinking it was like OH MY GOODNESS I CAN'T NAME THE TIMES.


----------



## lucca23v2

View attachment 122365


Lovely.. at the dentist with a big bib on... ugh...lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## loopytheone

I ended up laughing at myself yesterday!

At the farm, I ended up going out to a cafe for lunch, where I realised they didn't serve anything I could eat without making me ill, so I panicked and ended up with a cheese toastie for the first time since I was about 12! 

When I left, of course, the previously dry day had turned into the heaviest downpouring of rain I've seen all year and by the time I got back to the farm me, my hair, my coat, my clothes (even my bra!), my bag and my sketchpad and phone in my bag, were all absolutely drenched. To try and dry my hair out I let it down, and then couldn't put my wet hair back up with a wet hairband!

I also managed to kneel down on the barn floor when trying to retrieve an escaping rabbit and got covered in mud and liquid animal poop from my thighs down to my feet. By the time I'd finally dried from the rain, I had to have my whole lower body hosed down to get enough mud off so I'd be allowed on the bus home. With freezing cold water. From a power washer. In the middle of winter.

When I went to get my bag, I then realised that my bottle of water hadn't been closed properly and had 1.25 litres of water were now pouring out of my bag. I then went outside in the bright, blinding sun and realised my sunglasses had snapped and broke. 

And to think, I'd thought yesterday was going to be a good day after finding a pound on the floor that morning!


----------



## lucca23v2

loopytheone said:


> I ended up laughing at myself yesterday!
> 
> At the farm, I ended up going out to a cafe for lunch, where I realised they didn't serve anything I could eat without making me ill, so I panicked and ended up with a cheese toastie for the first time since I was about 12!
> 
> When I left, of course, the previously dry day had turned into the heaviest downpouring of rain I've seen all year and by the time I got back to the farm me, my hair, my coat, my clothes (even my bra!), my bag and my sketchpad and phone in my bag, were all absolutely drenched. To try and dry my hair out I let it down, and then couldn't put my wet hair back up with a wet hairband!
> 
> I also managed to kneel down on the barn floor when trying to retrieve an escaping rabbit and got covered in mud and liquid animal poop from my thighs down to my feet. By the time I'd finally dried from the rain, I had to have my whole lower body hosed down to get enough mud off so I'd be allowed on the bus home. With freezing cold water. From a power washer. In the middle of winter.
> 
> When I went to get my bag, I then realised that my bottle of water hadn't been closed properly and had 1.25 litres of water were now pouring out of my bag. I then went outside in the bright, blinding sun and realised my sunglasses had snapped and broke.
> 
> And to think, I'd thought yesterday was going to be a good day after finding a pound on the floor that morning!



Holy crap! That is a long day of crazy.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

A friend/coworker accidentally flicked through my photos while i showed him something.

He didnt ask about the belly pics, and i didnt say anything either.

Wasnt that bad, just a furtive tummy shirt shot of my guy utterly packed full of food at thanksgiving. But yeah!


----------



## Tad

I'm glad you can laugh about that Loopy -- what a day!


----------



## Melian

Xyantha Reborn said:


> A friend/coworker accidentally flicked through my photos while i showed him something.
> 
> He didnt ask about the belly pics, and i didnt say anything either.
> 
> Wasnt that bad, just a furtive tummy shirt shot of my guy utterly packed full of food at thanksgiving. But yeah!



Was it a sneaky shot? I bet it was


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Melian said:


> Was it a sneaky shot? I bet it was




Totally was. Belly was bulging so nicely, and you could clearly see the indent of his belly button hehe. :smitten: couldnt bear to bring myself to delete it after backing up my phone...


----------



## agouderia

This:

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuRn2S7iPNU[/ame]

Soppy as it may be - I'm a big fan of the entire Christmas season... without it, winter would be unbearable.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Last night i was chortling from under the covers after my guy kissed me and tucked me in, and was about to leave the room to play fallout4.

I was snapping pics of him lit by the light from the hallway, so he tromped back and called me a little shit and snatched up my phone....

...somehow he managed to turn portrait and flash on, and he blinded himself with an in the dark selfie!! He gave me the dirtiest, most hilarious glare!


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Last night i was chortling from under the covers after my guy kissed me and tucked me in, and was about to leave the room to play fallout4.
> 
> I was snapping pics of him lit by the light from the hallway, so he tromped back and called me a little shit and snatched up my phone....
> 
> ...somehow he managed to turn portrait and flash on, and he blinded himself with an in the dark selfie!! He gave me the dirtiest, most hilarious glare!



Awwww.. don't treat my buddy like that.. but that is funny!


----------



## lucca23v2

This just cracks me up! 

View attachment funny.jpg


----------



## lucca23v2

My youngest neice is something else.. look at this...View attachment uploadfromtaptalk1447880397701.png


Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Sass? From someone related to you?? No way!! 

---

This


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Sass? From someone related to you?? No way!! [emoji14]
> 
> ---
> 
> This


I love this!!!!

=======

And yes.. she is my mini me in terms of attitude and sass...lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

This as well. On a local convenience store. WTF?


----------



## balletguy

lucca23v2 said:


> This just cracks me up!



Thanks I needed that. Very funny


----------



## lucca23v2

balletguy said:


> Thanks I needed that. Very funny



You're welcome


----------



## loopytheone

Remember me mentioning the other night that my supervisor from the barn added me on facebook and it made me nervous?

Just before we left work he turned to me and said "by the way, I love the corset" (there are pictures of me wearing it on my fb) and ran away laughing. I've been told my face was a picture, and then had to explain to the teenagers I work with what the hell he was talking about. :doh:


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

loopytheone said:


> Remember me mentioning the other night that my supervisor from the barn added me on facebook and it made me nervous?
> 
> Just before we left work he turned to me and said "by the way, I love the corset" (there are pictures of me wearing it on my fb) and ran away laughing. I've been told my face was a picture, and then had to explain to the teenagers I work with what the hell he was talking about. :doh:



You are a genuinely decent person. If it had been me, I would have explained to the teenagers that the supervisor was a cross-dresser.


----------



## loopytheone

Dr. Feelgood said:


> You are a genuinely decent person. If it had been me, I would have explained to the teenagers that the supervisor was a cross-dresser.



Bwahahaha! Okay, this made my day! :bow:


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

This is me.


----------



## fat hiker

Xyantha Reborn said:


> This is me.



Excellent awards!


----------



## dwesterny

Silly people at the sushi place gave me 4 sets of chopsticks. So wasteful, it was only an order for me.


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> Silly people at the sushi place gave me 4 sets of chopsticks. So wasteful, it was only an order for me.



That is how you know you have ordered enough food to please an FFA! =p


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

loopytheone said:


> That is how you know you have ordered enough food to please an FFA! =p



^^^^ this!!


----------



## dwesterny

This, I think they meant hypoallergenic...


----------



## RabbitScorpion

I listen to the local all-news station a lot. Many of the advertisements on these stations are full of "disclaimers" - warnings about the services they offer, such as the fact that since most of the money is invested in stocks, you may actually lose the money invested rather than gain a lot of money in interest (as you are supposed to, and actually could).

Needless to say, they don't want the listeners to hear everything in the disclaimers. Decades ago, that started speaking them faster. Now, they sound like they are being further digitally compressed to make it even harder to listen.

After hearing one ad about 20 times, I realized that the announcer is saying "Testimony is an actor's portrayal".

But, I swear to god it sounds like: 
"Testimony is an _act of betrayal_!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

That is funny!

We had an add a while back that was over enunciated, so it sounded like, "Come, see war whores!" when what he meant was "Come, see War Horse!"


----------



## dwesterny

The new age random bullshit generator:
http://sebpearce.com/bullshit/


----------



## MattB

dwesterny said:


> The new age random bullshit generator:
> http://sebpearce.com/bullshit/



I got... "*Today, science tells us that the essence of nature is self-actualization.*"

This is very synergistic with my molecules. I'm virtually chuffed!

TO THE EXTREME.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

http://www.vice.com/read/my-failed-attempt-to-be-a-feedee-1124?source=vice_iphone_app

The way this was written made me laugh.


----------



## RentonBob

I was describing myself to someone and I used the term heavyset to describe my body type. I sent a picture to show them. They came back with we need to be honest, you are not heavyset... I truly laughed out loud and replied "I'm 6'1" and 450lbs, I think I more than qualify as heavyset".

Still makes me smile when I think about it


----------



## dwesterny

RentonBob said:


> I was describing myself to someone and I used the term heavyset to describe my body type. I sent a picture to show them. They came back with we need to be honest, you are not heavyset... I truly laughed out loud and replied "I'm 6'1" and 450lbs, I think I more than qualify as heavyset".
> 
> Still makes me smile when I think about it



I don't suppose it was a woman whose username started with "drm" from feabie? I'm heavier than you and she told me I would have to put on 100 lbs to meet her minimum. I'm just too damn skinny.


----------



## RentonBob

dwesterny said:


> I don't suppose it was a woman whose username started with "drm" from feabie? I'm heavier than you and she told me I would have to put on 100 lbs to meet her minimum. I'm just too damn skinny.


No, it wasn't her. I didn't get a name, it was just some random person I was chatting with.


----------



## tankyguy

We brought out the holiday decorations today. The dog is captivated by a table piece that consists of a cardinal that bobs around and chirps "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" that's set off by clapping in front of it or a button on the base.

He'll variously sniff at it, hitting the button, or bark at it, setting off the sound activation. He'll watch it intently go through its 30 second performance, but when it stops he'll whine and huddle up to the nearest family member making frustrated sighs.


----------



## Snow Angel

Yesterday when we set up our Xbox 360, Patches started barking every time the disc drive would pop open and close. I think its because we were using the wireless controller. For some reason this really spooked her, she would run and jump in her chair and then creep up closer to the console and bark some more.

She's fine now.


----------



## lucca23v2

On the fat train today.. counting myself...there are 7 fat people in this one car...lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## bellybob

Last week I was told to F-----Off. So after a few days of "stewing" I decided to get it off my chest by making a bird creation. And I even made a sign stating to F-----Off to hang on the bird. Of course I spelled it out, I am just censoring it here for the post.. All this because I did not except their BS. But I did laugh to myself..... 

View attachment Hard Head .jpg


View attachment F ------- Off.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Oh, cool bird thingy!


----------



## bellybob

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Oh, cool bird thingy!


 
Thank you. Sorry for the pics being so large.
I call it "Hard head" Don't it look it???
That is a prunner head as the head and beak, The body is plasma cut 11 gauge sheet.


----------



## swamptoad

bellybob said:


> Thank you. Sorry for the pics being so large.
> I call it "Hard head" Don't it look it???
> That is a prunner head as the head and beak, The body is plasma cut 11 gauge sheet.



That's one bad-ass creation. Looks Tim Burtonesque!


----------



## bellybob

swamptoad said:


> That's one bad-ass creation. Looks Tim Burtonesque!


 

Thanks Swamptoad,

Hmmmm your username reminds me that I made a creation and I named it "Swamp Walker"...
This was made out of tin snips and a saw blade....

Is it just me or do you see the pics real big??? 

View attachment Swamp Walker.jpg


View attachment Swamp Walker 2.jpg


View attachment Swamp Walker 3.jpg


----------



## agouderia

bellybob said:


> Last week I was told to F-----Off. So after a few days of "stewing" I decided to get it off my chest by making a bird creation. And I even made a sign stating to F-----Off to hang on the bird. Of course I spelled it out, I am just censoring it here for the post.. All this because I did not except their BS. But I did laugh to myself.....



What an incredibly creative way to deal with frustration....! Kudos!


----------



## bellybob

agouderia said:


> What an incredibly creative way to deal with frustration....! Kudos!


 
THANKYOUVERYMUCH...

Sometimes it works out others not so much.


----------



## Tad

Very cool creations -- you are _good_!


----------



## bellybob

Tad said:


> Very cool creations -- you are _good_!


 

Thanks Tad
You are too kind with your words. 
If there is no vision then there is no creation.
I guess that is true no matter what a person sets out to do...


----------



## tankyguy




----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

My step-brother posted this on FB....oh how it made me chortle! 

View attachment 11205576_991069700953974_4963490432975984268_n.jpg


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

A three-year-old can count up to five and do simple math? Then why can't the checker at the grocery store?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Turning to my husband, "Hey baby, want to see this shitty 'The Forest' with me?"

Hubby, giving me a look, "....No. Not in a million years."

Me, texting one of our friends, "Hey hun, Methuselah wont see a shitty horror movie with me. Wanna come with me? My treat."

Friend: "You know I can't refuse free stuff...Fine."

Hubby = Jealous

Lmao i asked you first, you big dummy!!


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Turning to my husband, "Hey baby, want to see this shitty 'The Forest' with me?"
> 
> Hubby, giving me a look, "....No. Not in a million years."
> 
> Me, texting one of our friends, "Hey hun, Methuselah wont see a shitty horror movie with me. Wanna come with me? My treat."
> 
> Friend: "You know I can't refuse free stuff...Fine."
> 
> Hubby = Jealous
> 
> Lmao i asked you first, you big dummy!!



*You're not real! You're not real! You're not real!*:shocked:


----------



## Tad

I keep having this ad pop up alongside my mail, for "Men's long sleeve Marvel t-shirts"

It shows a Superman t-shirt. 

Way to lose your nerd cred, random advertiser!


----------



## Crumbling

Tad said:


> Way to lose your nerd cred, random advertiser!



Maybe they noticed something you didn't?


----------



## bayone

This question came up on Quora. I probably shouldn't answer it (in any case, I've never been in the situation described). One person's awkward situation is another person's fantasy... 

View attachment Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 8.23.38 PM.png


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

The obvious answer is: rejoice!


----------



## dwesterny

Speaking as a seat spiller: If they did not buy a second ticket (I understand you can often be refunded the cost depending on the airline) or at least handle the issue with the gate agent before boarding then they are irresponsible and possibly selfish. Although in Canada I think the airline is required to provide the second seat free of charge. Personally I have mixed feelings about that.


----------



## bayone

Dr. Feelgood said:


> The obvious answer is: rejoice!



Well, it would depend on the person, obviously. 

And no matter what type of physique one finds attractive there are always people who... let's just say I'm surprised that nobody, to my knowledge, has ever in the history of dating come up with the acronym HUTT: "Hot Until They Talk."

(This may also apply to Jabba: you think "hey, he's a big squishy guy," but then he opens his mouth and says unkind things about Han Solo. What a HUTT.)


----------



## dwesterny

bayone said:


> Originally Posted by Dr. Feelgood View Post
> The obvious answer is: rejoice!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well, it would depend on the person, obviously.
> 
> And no matter what type of physique one finds attractive there are always people who... let's just say I'm surprised that nobody, to my knowledge, has ever in the history of dating come up with the acronym HUTT: "Hot Until They Talk."
> 
> (This may also apply to Jabba: you think "hey, he's a big squishy guy," but then he opens his mouth and says unkind things about Han Solo. What a HUTT.)
Click to expand...


Hey! Thats not a nice thing to say about Dr. Feelgood! I find him to be insightful and witty.


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> Speaking as a seat spiller: If they did not buy a second ticket (I understand you can often be refunded the cost depending on the airline) or at least handle the issue with the gate agent before boarding then they are irresponsible and possibly selfish. Although in Canada I think the airline is required to provide the second seat free of charge. Personally I have mixed feelings about that.



You can spill into my seat anytime, hurr hurr hurr!


----------



## lucca23v2

dwesterny said:


> Speaking as a seat spiller: If they did not buy a second ticket (I understand you can often be refunded the cost depending on the airline) or at least handle the issue with the gate agent before boarding then they are irresponsible and possibly selfish. Although in Canada I think the airline is required to provide the second seat free of charge. Personally I have mixed feelings about that.


Lol.. fat or thin.. i have always been in the habit of looking for an emptier flight which means traveling at ungodly hours..i am not good at sitting in one place too long.. i get twitchy.. so i always need space. The being able to buy a second seat and being able to be refunded is great i think.

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## dwesterny

loopytheone said:


> You can spill into my seat anytime, hurr hurr hurr!


Sounds like fun to me!!

If the person next to you is known to be willing and eager to be spilled onto that is quite different. I spent several hours earlier this week looking into various policies of different airlines for "passengers of size" as I am considering a trip. For my fellow fat americans travelling domestically, Southwest Airline seems to have the best policy on this. They always refund the cost if you buy a second ticket. Other airlines require you to buy the second ticket and will refund the cost, but only if the plane is not full. Still others will let you go without a second ticket, but if the plane is full you have to wait until the next available plane with an empty seat and they give you the empty seat at no cost.

This probably all falls under pet peeve for me. I need space between myself and others and subsequently would hate to think I was unwantedly invading the space of others. As such I most certainly tend to think poorly of space invaders.

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pIMVZZRb7Y"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pIMVZZRb7Y[/ame]


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I crawled under 3 sheets (i like stacking sheets not heavy blanket). Announced i might Be 1 sheet short. I got one chucked at me. I then put it on, and after due consideration announced i now had 1 sheet too many and was hot.

The look was priceless.


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I crawled under 3 sheets (i like stacking sheets not heavy blanket). Announced i might Be 1 sheet short. I got one chucked at me. I then put it on, and after due consideration announced i now had 1 sheet too many and was hot.
> 
> The look was priceless.


Interesting take on goldilocks...lol

###########

On another note.. i wish i had recorded this phone conversation... I met a guy while out..gave him my number. He called just now. The conversation started nice.. and the basics of getting to know each other.. all good..
So..he tells me he has been thinking about me since we met.. sweet right... wrong.. because bang.. out of nowhere it is like.. all i keep thinking about since we met is what you tatse like...how hot it would be when we have sex.. 
Wtf????

So me being me.. i was like.. awwww.. well before you get ahead of yourself.. let me just say.. fat does not equal easy lay.. at least not with me. And since you brought up the topic.. i have been told that i tatse amazing.. but i doubt you will find out because you have to be this big to ride this ride.. meaning 9 inches or better.. so if you cant measure up.. don't bother... but have a good day.

Lol.. men.. i swear.. men get hornier that two to three weak period they are getting use to a season change...

Lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## x0emnem0x

Maybe TMI, but my sister and I were at the gym today. I had her get on this ab crunch bench, and she was trying to do crunches and ended up farting. We seriously laughed soooo hard, I cried as well, and while she was still on the bench laughing, she kept farting everytime she laughed. We were next to someone who luckily had their headphones in, but she could see us basically dying and could probably smell what had happened. It was hilarious and terrible at the same time, but I'm glad it wasn't me.


----------



## beefsteak

Seeing the face of my ex wife while I'm out with an attractive lady


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

beefsteak said:


> Seeing the face of my ex wife while I'm out with an attractive lady


Finding happiness elsewhere is always the best "revenge"


----------



## loopytheone

Got my first chance to really talk to my new colleagues today and the one who asked how old I am proper did a double take when I answered, it was so funny! Apparently she thought I was about 16/17, which is something I hear a lot.

For those of you that don't know, I'm 26 this march.


----------



## dwesterny

I came out of a building today and held the door for someone walking towards the entrance along the facade of the building. He stood there in front to of the open looking at me then quietly stepped around the door and continued walking. He wasn't actually trying to enter the building, so basically when I held the door I was just obstructing his path across the front of the building. Go me.


----------



## Melian

My bf's mom bought me a really slutty dress, as in, microscopic, skin-tight, tits out everywhere. I tried it on and barely wanted to show her, because it was SO SLUTTY, but eventually came out. Bf immediately gets a massive and totally obvious erection....she sees it and casually says, "see, he likes it."

Dead. LOL.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Sorry dwes - yours was cute but Mel's beats yours!


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Sorry dwes - yours was cute but Mel's beats yours!



Well wait till I tell the story about the skimpy dress I just got.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

dwesterny said:


> Well wait till I tell the story about the skimpy dress I just got.



That sould be some pretty monumental cleavage.


----------



## Melian

This dress was ~half the material of the one I was wearing to dinner with you two. It was amazing.


----------



## dwesterny

Melian said:


> This dress was ~half the material of the one I was wearing to dinner with you two. It was amazing.


**wipes drool** The one you wore to dinner was fantastic, I can only imagine.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

So it was a bra and panty set?


----------



## lucca23v2

dwesterny said:


> Well wait till I tell the story about the skimpy dress I just got.


 

Only if pics are included in the story telling..


----------



## Melian

Xyantha Reborn said:


> So it was a bra and panty set?



It was seriously close. This woman loves her son!



lucca23v2 said:


> Only if pics are included in the story telling..



Agreed. Pic time.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

lucca23v2 said:


> Only if pics are included in the story telling..




True. Objectification goes both ways lolol


----------



## LeoGibson

Would it be wrong if I rubbed one out to both sets of pics if they both comply and post in a skimpy dress?


----------



## dwesterny

LeoGibson said:


> Would it be wrong if I rubbed one out to both sets of pics if they both comply and post in a skimpy dress?



We'll do the same dress for comparison.


----------



## Melian

LeoGibson said:


> Would it be wrong if I rubbed one out to both sets of pics if they both comply and post in a skimpy dress?



It would be so right, however, I don't have any pics, so we'll have to rely on Dwes.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> True. Objectification goes both ways lolol



It goes both ways indeed. While I admit my eyes may have swung back and forth between sets of cleavage with pendulum-like regularity at that dinner, I was in no way the only one objectifying. I recall a certain cry of "yeah, take it off, bitch!" when I innocently removed my sweater due the the high temperature.


----------



## lucca23v2

dwesterny said:


> "yeah, take it off, bitch!" .


 *snipped*

This sounds so much like something Xy would say..lol.


----------



## LeoGibson

Melian said:


> It would be so right, however, I don't have any pics, so we'll have to rely on Dwes.



*Shrug*

Wouldn't be the first time.


----------



## Melian

LeoGibson said:


> *Shrug*
> 
> Wouldn't be the first time.




Cam whooooooore


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

lucca23v2 said:


> *snipped*
> 
> This sounds so much like something Xy would say..lol.




It wasnt meeeeeeee


That time


----------



## dwesterny

Melian said:


> Cam whooooooore



Cam whores get paid. I'm a cam slut. Thank you.


----------



## Tad

I love (and [email protected]) this place


----------



## loopytheone

Gosh you guys don't all know how to make me smile at the end of a long day! x3

Still jealous I didn't get to meet up with you all though!


----------



## lucca23v2

loopytheone said:


> Gosh you guys don't all know how to make me smile at the end of a long day! x3
> 
> Still jealous I didn't get to meet up with you all though!



I am a bit jealous of that too...


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I totally wished you could have been there!!!

If i am ever in your necks of the woods I will absoltely come say hi 

More women is always better to team up on Dwes, torturing him was hilarious!


----------



## Crumbling

I was doing up some buttons and thought of you.







That's right folks!... new pillows.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

LOL love it!


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

Melian said:


> My bf's mom bought me a really slutty dress, as in, microscopic, skin-tight, tits out everywhere. I tried it on and barely wanted to show her, because it was SO SLUTTY, but eventually came out. Bf immediately gets a massive and totally obvious erection....she sees it and casually says, "see, he likes it."
> 
> Dead. LOL.



Wait...why didn't I get to see this?!


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya

So I stopped in to help a client of ours with some technical stuff on my first day of my trip. It's a female friendly sex shop for all in Portland. So as I'm working on something, I had someone remote in to her computer and ring up a few sales on their POS system. One of the workers walked by, saw the computer "moving by itself" and said "holy shit, why is it moving?!" I told her "oh don't worry, it's just a minor possession" At this moment she looks at the screen and says "oh, so it's just the devil buying lube samples." I don't know if it was the fact that I was in front of a really cute girl, or the fact that I was surrounded by dildos, vibrators, and butt plugs that made me laugh aloud obnoxiously.


----------



## dwesterny

When I got a bar of soap this morning my cat sneaked into my closet with me noticing. I closed the door and she was locked in there all day. I opened the door when I got home and heard her meowing. 

Not to worry though kitty is out of the closet and FABULOUS!


----------



## Melian

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Wait...why didn't I get to see this?!


I invited you, but you said you were too busy with some sort of plug at work.



Hozay J Garseeya said:


> ".... I was surrounded by dildos, vibrators, and butt plugs ...."



Oh. I see.



dwesterny said:


> Not to worry though kitty is out of the closet and FABULOUS!



And now it's your turn!


----------



## lucca23v2

My avast is telling me the my work wifi is not safe for my tablet...

Sent from my SM-T217S using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Now, are you laughing because thats ridiculous....

...or because it probably is unsafe and that is the part that is funny?


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Now, are you laughing because thats ridiculous....
> 
> ...or because it probably is unsafe and that is the part that is funny?


Both! Normally my work wifi is secure.. but yesterday everything went down.. and they won't say what happened. All emails firm wide went down..the electronic repository went down firm wide. . That never really happens.. so now i wonder..lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## lucca23v2

I have been listening to one particular song for almost a week now. I was sitting at my desk.. and i am like.. i hear the song playing.. but i didnt have my headset on.. and my phone was not playing it...i thought i was going crazy.. until i realized that i had it playing on my laptop.. just very low..

Dont judge me..

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Haha!

---

Talked last night about the hard 430am wakeup i get after drinking. *glances at clock*. Right on time....


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Someone sent me a picture of a cock. (re random confessions thread)

I FEEL VINDICATED AND JUSTIFIED!!

p.s it was truly magnificent!!! :wubu::wubu:

Also, the accompanying comment of "don't say I don't do anything for you" made the moment.

And no, it was not dwes. You perv


----------



## JenFromOC

Facebook memories showed me pics from a shoot some by a friend from here. I love you, Kevin. Thank you for traveling all the way to Hawaii to photograph my daughter. You have a special place in my heart...


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Someone sent me a picture of a cock. (re random confessions thread)
> 
> I FEEL VINDICATED AND JUSTIFIED!!
> 
> p.s it was truly magnificent!!! :wubu::wubu:
> 
> Also, the accompanying comment of "don't say I don't do anything for you" made the moment.
> 
> And no, it was not dwes. You perv



I wanted to rep you for that last sentence.....and for posting about someone's cock in LOL thread


----------



## Kristal

Online Chat 

View attachment reality-of-internet-chatting.jpg


----------



## tankyguy

It's that time of year again. When young students doing Google research on Black History Month wind up on these BHM forums by accident.

Hello confused learners! Unfortunately for you, there's no tales of Harriet Tubman here, just stories about hairy, tubby men.
:doh:


----------



## Cobra Verde

Sorry ladies, you can't have them!


----------



## Tad

JenFromOC said:


> Facebook memories showed me pics from a shoot some by a friend from here. I love you, Kevin. Thank you for traveling all the way to Hawaii to photograph my daughter. You have a special place in my heart...



Hi Jen!!!!!!!!


----------



## ODFFA

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Someone sent me a picture of a cock. (re random confessions thread)
> 
> I FEEL VINDICATED AND JUSTIFIED!!
> 
> p.s it was truly magnificent!!! :wubu::wubu:
> 
> Also, the accompanying comment of "don't say I don't do anything for you" made the moment.
> 
> And no, it was not dwes. You perv



http://l7.alamy.com/zooms/e6b307429...ckoo-polish-bantam-rooster-captive-f4jnch.jpg
(If you have no imagination, this is totally SFW)

I don't know if this is the same kind that not-Dwes sent you, but either way.... See how much we care?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

ODFFA said:


> I don't know if this is the same kind that not-Dwes sent you, but either way.... See how much we care?



Thats exactly it! The best kind of cock!! 

Different look, but then I've been told that they come in all shaped and sizes.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> And no, it was not dwes. You perv





ODFFA said:


> I don't know if this is the same kind that not-Dwes sent you, but either way.... See how much we care?



I do not appreciate my good name being sullied by association with this sophomoric tomfoolery. How dare you? I participate in this forum purely for collaborative intellectual discussions. I do not condone such lewd, lascivious and tasteless innuendo.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Says the one who spells boobies phonetically.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Says the one who spells boobies phonetically.



Sure, now go after my limited intellect. Are there no depths to which you will not sink?


----------



## dwesterny

Aside from doing cardio this is accurate and the cleaning lady does the vacuuming, also I get my ties online from the fat man store not in person. But yes macaroni and dread!Yes,y Xy, I know you want to purchase three fat men from the fat man store. Pervert.


----------



## ODFFA

dwesterny said:


> Aside from doing cardio this is accurate and the cleaning lady does the vacuuming, also I get my ties online from the fat man store not in person. But yes macaroni and dread!Yes,y Xy, I know you want to purchase three fat men from the fat man store. Pervert.



Macaroni And Dread sounds like the perfect title for an existential crisis poem. You should get on that. 

As for the fat man store, I've never understood why most of them use thin guy pictures to advertise their products. How's Xy s'posed to know what her order is really going to look like when it arrives?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

That is so true!

AND i should be able to pick between a belly vs pear type. Just to be sure.


----------



## dwesterny

ODFFA said:


> Macaroni And Dread sounds like the perfect title for an existential crisis poem. You should get on that.


Macaroni and Dread will have to wait. Currently I have several writing projects going. 

- Beans and Nothingness
- Candied (the best of all possible chocolates)
- Waiting for To Go (if this take-out order isn't ready soon I'm gonna hang myself)
- Orzo the Greek
- Fear and Lasagna in Las Vegas
- Catcher in the Rye Toast
- Of Rice and Men

Also my opera Cavatelli Rusticana


----------



## Tad

Now, now. Don’t go calling them fat men stores, they are &#8216;big & tall’ stores, and they like to emphasize the &#8216;tall’ part in their advertising (and selection of clothes). Last time I went into one and asked if they had any lower rise trousers they came very close to laughing out loud at me, and were quite emphatic about the &#8216;tall’ part of their store description. Another reason to watch my weight, unless I want to end up wearing my pants like Obelix … (who, ironically, was tall)


----------



## dwesterny

Tad said:


> Now, now. Don’t go calling them fat men stores, they are &#8216;big & tall’ stores, and they like to emphasize the &#8216;tall’ part in their advertising (and selection of clothes). Last time I went into one and asked if they had any lower rise trousers they came very close to laughing out loud at me, and were quite emphatic about the &#8216;tall’ part of their store description. Another reason to watch my weight, unless I want to end up wearing my pants like Obelix … (who, ironically, was tall)


Yeah, the people who make my pants seem to assume I am height weight proportional, and my waist size must mean I am 14 feet tall.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

dwesterny said:


> Yeah, the people who make my pants seem to assume I am height weight proportional, and my waist size must mean I am 14 feet tall.



This reminds me of something Irma Bombeck once wrote: "My weight would be perfect for my height, if I were a giant redwood tree."


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> Yeah, the people who make my pants seem to assume I am height weight proportional, and my waist size must mean I am 14 feet tall.



Unfortunately, this is the same with women's clothes. I've never bought trousers that didn't need taking up in the legs and I'm only a couple of inches shorter than average.


----------



## Tad

I don't mind so much having to get the legs hemmed up -- in fact it was not so long ago that pretty much all men's trousers other than jeans came with long, unhemmed, legs on them, and it was expected that you'd get them hemmed to your length. The part that drives me crazy is the rise from the crotch to the waist. I would guess you might hit that issue at times too.

As to something that made me LOL -- we had a big good-bye lunch booked today for one of the long-time execs at our company who is being made to move on (strategic shift for the company meant that we are not currently trying to do what he did). And it got cancelled because he came down with food poisoning. I laugh because a) it seems ironic, and b) because he was notoriously bad for moving meetings and travel at the last minute.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I was on the escalator and this fat dude got on it, and it stopped moving. Not saying he did it, but it is an interesting coincidence...


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I was on the escalator and this fat dude got on it, and it stopped moving. Not saying he did it, but it is an interesting coincidence...



I'm never coming to Toronto again. The beds and the escalators suck.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I have two words for you.

Common denomonator.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I have two words for you.
> 
> Common denomonator.



Correct, Toronto is common denominator.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Cat flower!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

This picture map of Canada.


----------



## lucca23v2

So.. I slipped on ice today and really banged up my knee and I thin I pulled a muscle...spent 5.5 hours at the ER to get a note keeping me out of work until Monday and 2 prescriptions.. one for Oxy and one for Naprosyn... (not so funny)

*Funny part,* as I was falling, I kept thinking.. why am I falling in slow motion? I swear it felt like a slow mo fall in the movie.. where the person slips and corrects.. and slips again.. and corrects.. and then falls really hard.. that was me today.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Awwww - are you doing ok today?


----------



## x0emnem0x

lucca23v2 said:


> So.. I slipped on ice today and really banged up my knee and I thin I pulled a muscle...spent 5.5 hours at the ER to get a note keeping me out of work until Monday and 2 prescriptions.. one for Oxy and one for Naprosyn... (not so funny)
> 
> *Funny part,* as I was falling, I kept thinking.. why am I falling in slow motion? I swear it felt like a slow mo fall in the movie.. where the person slips and corrects.. and slips again.. and corrects.. and then falls really hard.. that was me today.



Yikes! Hope you feel better soon!!!


----------



## Tad

I was thinking that you being off work for a few days meant we were in for the treat of more Lucca ..... and there has been nothing. Now I'm getting worried!

How are you doing?


----------



## lucca23v2

x0emnem0x-- I am doing ok.. Just banged up.

Tad: The pain meds are kicking my ass..lol I have been sleeping alot.

I go back to work on Monday. we will see how that goes.


----------



## lucca23v2

For my Canadian friends..lol

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCyzdD0vYOw"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCyzdD0vYOw[/ame]


----------



## djudex

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJ3tVE_opjQ[/ame]

Like a whole bunch of wet handshakes....:bow:


----------



## Yakatori

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBCmt_pJTRA[/ame]


----------



## Yakatori

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBCmt_pJTRA[/ame]


----------



## loopytheone

Oh my gosh, that video is awesome! I'm Helium.


----------



## dwesterny

Chemistry jokes?!?!?! Erm mah gerd!

Hydrogen turns to his friend and says "I think I lost an electron!" friend asks "Are you sure?" Hydrogen replies "Yeah, I'm positive."

Argon walks into a bar, the bartender turns to Argon and shouts "Get the hell out of here, we don't serve noble gasses here!" Argon does not react.


----------



## lucca23v2

Sitting in this chair. I feel like they are trying to stuff 50lbs of fat into a bag for 20lbs of fat... [emoji1] 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

When you meet someone so henious they combine attributes from 3-4 disliked people to make a supervillian. And so you give him a mental nickname of the amalgamation of those names


----------



## lucca23v2

this is what i looked like falling last Tuesday.. ( a combo of the 4th person falling.. and the 6th person falling)

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyYy0K5ZPNY"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyYy0K5ZPNY[/ame]


----------



## tankyguy

Don't surf the net when overtired.

I read a comment "They put me on anti-anxiety pills and I lost a ton of weight"
as
"They put me on anti-gravity pills and I lost a ton of weight"
:doh:


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

tankyguy said:


> I read a comment "They put me on anti-anxiety pills and I lost a ton of weight"
> as
> "They put me on anti-gravity pills and I lost a ton of weight"
> :doh:



But when you come right down to it, _aren't_ antidepressants anti-gravity pills?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Michael Buble's song "i wanna go home" is running theough my head as i think about 5pm

Or the pic


----------



## dwesterny

FFA into dom fat guys "Tell me what you want me to do for you, daddy."
Me"Ohh yeah, you're gonna do whatever you like. Mmm baby you better act according to your preferences."

God I suck.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

dwesterny said:


> FFA into dom fat guys "Tell me what you want me to do for you, daddy."
> Me"Ohh yeah, you're gonna do whatever you like. Mmm baby you better act according to your preferences."
> 
> God I suck.


 
OMG Dwes, this made my night. I love this!!!!! I can't rep you again yet tho


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> OMG Dwes, this made my night. I love this!!!!! I can't rep you again yet tho



What can I say? I am the alpha male.


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> FFA into dom fat guys "Tell me what you want me to do for you, daddy."
> Me"Ohh yeah, you're gonna do whatever you like. Mmm baby you better act according to your preferences."
> 
> God I suck.



Bwahaha, I love it! xD This is so me everytime somebody asks me to be 'dominant', as well. 

Also, the whole 'daddy' thing creeps me out so much.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

loopytheone said:


> Bwahaha, I love it! xD This is so me everytime somebody asks me to be 'dominant', as well.
> 
> Also, the whole 'daddy' thing creeps me out so much.



Yeah - the hub gets called daddy. When i am talking to my dogs about him lmao. (Go see daddy; where is daddy?)


----------



## Crumbling

loopytheone said:


> Bwahaha, I love it! xD This is so me everytime somebody asks me to be 'dominant', as well.
> [/COLOR]



Good opportunity to get some cleaning done.
[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbqV20PwNP0"]Good opportunity to get some cleaning done.[/ame]


----------



## lucca23v2

dwesterny said:


> FFA into dom fat guys "Tell me what you want me to do for you, daddy."
> Me"Ohh yeah, you're gonna do whatever you like. Mmm baby you better act according to your preferences."
> 
> God I suck.


This just has me dying....lmfao....

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## dwesterny

Thinking about getting a new blazer, so I searched Google for a sports coat in my size. King-size direct has them, I like their corduroy blazer that goes up my size (shown in the picture). The corduroy coat is also on sale at a third what I paid for it, thought about getting a different color but it's too heavy for summer. The rest of the king-size direct sportscoats are meh. Anyway check out what google included when I searched for "sports coat" and my chest size.


----------



## lucca23v2

dwesterny said:


> Thinking about getting a new blazer, so I searched Google for a sports coat in my size. King-size direct has them, I like their cordurouy blazer that goes up my size (shown in the picture), it's also on sale at a third what I payed for it. The rest of the king-size direct sportscoats are meh. Anyway check out what google included when I searched for "sports coat" and my chest size.


That corduroy blazer looks nice... but the rest is both funny and fucked up...lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Lmao!!!! 

That google result wad for me!! "You love fat guys and dogs and horses."

Ps you rock the blazer!


----------



## dwesterny

I decided on the navy blue amigo stock horse blanket (pictured on the top right). I think it will look fantastic with with grey or possibly khaki chinos. I'll post a selfie when my horse blanket arrives.


----------



## tankyguy

dwesterny said:


> I decided on the navy blue amigo stock horse blanket (pictured on the top right). I think it will look fantastic with with grey or possibly khaki chinos. I'll post a selfie when my horse blanket arrives.



Complete the look with a slate colored feed bag and a pair of Ray-Ban Leather Wayfarers.


----------



## fat hiker

dwesterny said:


> Thinking about getting a new blazer, so I searched Google for a sports coat in my size. King-size direct has them, I like their cordurouy blazer that goes up my size (shown in the picture). The cordurouy coat is also on sale at a third what I payed for it, thought about getting a different color but it's too heavy for summer. The rest of the king-size direct sportscoats are meh. Anyway check out what google included when I searched for "sports coat" and my chest size.



Hey, maybe it's just that my wife rides and I know what size horse coats (blankets) come in, but I'm not surprised that if you searched for a chest size above 50 that horse coats could come up - horse coats and blankets start at size 60, pony blankets at size 50, and go up to 84 (or more).


----------



## dwesterny

tankyguy said:


> Complete the look with a slate colored feed bag and a pair of Ray-Ban Leather Wayfarers.



I'm not sure they come in that color. I will check.
http://www.theonion.com/video/new-wearable-feedbags-let-americans-eat-more-move--14238


----------



## agouderia

dwesterny said:


> I decided on the navy blue amigo stock horse blanket (pictured on the top right).



I totally agree. Especially since capes/ponchos are the fat 'it-piece' this year, for women and men. Definitely a statement look.

As a hobby fashion historian I am a little surprised that corduroy blazers still are sold. I always thought they had gone down with the fall of communism 25 years ago.....


----------



## dwesterny

agouderia said:


> As a hobby fashion historian I am a little surprised that corduroy blazers still are sold. I always thought they had gone down with the fall of communism 25 years ago.....



I like my corduroy blazer, comrade.

The internet says I'm cool! 
http://observer.com/2015/09/this-fall-strike-a-cord-with-a-corduroy-jacket/



> No single garment is as cool. A longtime staple for school professors, folk singing heroes and rock and rollers on a trip to their lawyer’s office, the corduroy jacket is fall’s gift to men. Talented movie directors Woody Allen and Wes Anderson are seldom seen without theirs. The good news is, the stores have great offerings, corduroy-jacket-wise, now.


----------



## agouderia

dwesterny said:


> I like my corduroy blazer, comrade.
> 
> The internet says I'm cool!
> 
> No single garment is as cool. A *longtime staple for school professors, folk singing heroes and rock and rollers on a trip to their lawyers office*, the corduroy jacket is falls gift to men. Talented movie directors Woody Allen and Wes Anderson are seldom seen without theirs. The good news is, the stores have great offerings, corduroy-jacket-wise, now.[/URL]



LOL - if this isn't the very definition of extremely nerdy-retro, then I don't know what is!


----------



## Tad

With how frenetically fashion is sampling from its own past and every available inspiration, and throwing in ironic interpretations, can one even tell what is retro anymore? And I think nerdy has become more a matter of how someone wears something than the clothes themselves? Or more likely this is just wishful thinking on my part that fashion would die and it would be easier for people to find and to wear what they like and what works in their life.[/SIZE

As for LOL-ing.... tried to put a spoon in the dishwasher at work, and somehow had it bounce away from the cutlery holder and down into the bottom of the dishwasher. I recover it ... and have the exact same thing happen again. Then I did what I should have done in the first place and hand washed it.

Dishwashers are sly, nasty, machines which just love to mock me :sad:


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Tad said:


> With how frenetically fashion is sampling from its own past and every available inspiration, and throwing in ironic interpretations, can one even tell what is retro anymore?



These people can.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Response to an email i sent:

"Holy, words, Batman!"


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Response to an email i sent:
> 
> "Holy, words, Batman!"
> 
> Also the suffering of innocent children made me LOL today.


Nice white text. God you're a sicko.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I vote we play torture Dwes again on the next drunk TS night.


----------



## dwesterny

This is the abuse I suffer from her.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Lmfao at the avatar!!!!


----------



## Tad

My son discovered last night that he had to submit a yearbook quote by today (apparently the information has been all over Facebook …. But yearbook committee never considered the possibility that someone might not use Facebook). He was drawing a blank, so we went looking up Oscar Wilde quotes. One that didn’t interest him stuck in my mind in light of that brief fashion discussion here:

“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.”
(my apologies to those who play the fashion game with class and taste, and I know such people exist, it is more fashion as an industry that seems to regularly toss out the latest and greatest &#8216;must have’ ugliness)


----------



## Crumbling

How do you stop bacon curling in the pan?

A. Take their brooms away


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Lmfao at the avatar!!!!



What? I like to keep my phone contacts accurate and up to date.


----------



## dwesterny

Q.How did the hipster burn his tongue?

A.He wanted to drink his coffee before it was cool.


----------



## dwesterny

I have received an offer to make fatty movies. I am so... honored? I posted the pics of the bed I broke in Toronto on another site along with my other pics and I guess this dude thought I broke my bed at home and couldn't afford a new one? Either way I'm so totally gonna be famous. 

Been nice knowing you all, maybe I'll see you suckers through the tinted glass of my limousine window.

Also taking suggestions for my porn name. I was thinking Bill Lee Jiggling or maybe Hugh Juhfataz

PS Some of you pervs may be able to guess what site/group this is, I know at least one FFA knows of them. Please do not mention names or URLs. I actually have no desire to be associated with them.


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> I have received an offer to make fatty movies. I am so... honored? I posted the pics of the bed I broke in Toronto on another site along with my other pics and I guess this dude thought I broke my bed at home and couldn't afford a new one? Either way I'm so totally gonna be famous.
> 
> Been nice knowing you all, maybe I'll see you suckers through the tinted glass of my limousine window.
> 
> Also taking suggestions for my porn name. I was thinking Bill Lee Jiggling or maybe Hugh Jefataz
> 
> PS Some of you pervs may be able to guess what site/group this is, I know at least one FFA knows of them. Please do not mention names or URLs. I actually have no desire to be associated with them.



I once got offered cash to make soft-porn-fatty-related videos and I know somebody who used to film such videos for other models. Clearly we should all go into business together and raise enough money for your bed to shipped around the world with you by a fleet of scantily clad ladies. Or just to buy ourselves a harem of said ladies. I'd settle for that. 

Love how you are saying 'some of us pervs' as though you aren't one of us! =p So far I've received 18 chocolate eggs from the people their so at least let it be known that we are generous, chocolate-loving pervs!


----------



## Cobra Verde

I don't generally...ugh, "LOL" (possible future house words: "We Do Not LOL"). But this?


[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAC2P1LQDHU[/ame]




Gave me full blown goddamn LOLlerskates.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I have the "we all deserve to die" song from sweeny todd in my head, playing relentlessly in my brain...as i look at my coworkers lol


----------



## BigChaz

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I have the "we all deserve to die" song from sweeny todd in my head, playing relentlessly in my brain...as i look at my coworkers lol



Seems reasonable, imo


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saOHKFWW3tU&nohtml5=False"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saOHKFWW3tU&nohtml5=False[/ame]


----------



## dwesterny

A friend from another fattie site decided to draw me. I am complimented but conflicted as it is in the hated anime style.  :doh:Cruel cruel irony! I suppose I ought to just be glad she didn't draw me having gay sex with Marko Saaresto as she had stated her original intent was... :shocked:

Also I have no clue with there is a uvula or something behind my head...


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Looks like an angry sign to me

And, you know, that's reflective and all


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

We went out to dinner. My hubby is hypersensitive to sounds and motion, and there was a tv behind me, and we were facing each other. Its too much stimulous. So i basically made a lewd gesture by inserting my chopsticks in my mouth and using my tongue to mime a blowjob. This will be our eighth anniversary. Gotta be silly sometimes...!

His eyes locked on, and i started grinning...

and then he exclaimed "geez, no TEETH, woman!"

Lmfao...i died...luckily the restaurent was empty!


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> A friend from another fattie site decided to draw me. I am complimented but conflicted as it is in the hated anime style.  :doh:Cruel cruel irony! I suppose I ought to just be glad she didn't draw me having gay sex with Marko Saaresto as she had stated her original intent was... :shocked:



Be grateful, Dwes, it's a huge compliment! I'm actually kinda jealous coz nobody has ever drawn me.


----------



## agouderia

dwesterny said:


> A friend from another fattie site decided to draw me. I am complimented but conflicted as it is in the hated anime style.  :doh:Cruel cruel irony!



As a non-involved third party observer I don't think that looks like anime-style at all.

It's a classic sketch with a blunt pencil - and actually shows you with an interesting intellectual air. 

Stop whining and be proud that someone makes the effort to turn you into a work of art!


----------



## Crumbling

dwesterny said:


> there is a uvula or something behind my head...




Looks like a goatse to me... But my fragile mind has been warped by the internet and everything looks like goatse


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

loopytheone said:


> Be grateful, Dwes, it's a huge compliment! I'm actually kinda jealous coz nobody has ever drawn me.


----------



## dwesterny

Haha, I was totally complimented and joking about anime outrage (this time). When I asked why drawing me was eating his glasses I was told "Because I forgot to draw any food."

Damn you Crumbling it's not... that. Or at least I hope not.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

This made me laugh so hard.

And no, i believe gluten intolerance is a thing, and yes, there are diseases. But i swear this is 90% of people!

[ame]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3xtEgFHZ0Vw[/ame]


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Samurai hitting the small headed guy from beetlejuice? Toronto union pearsom, hit me up!!


----------



## tankyguy

I was shared link to a headline titled 'Study Shows Anally Inserted Chocolate Improves Memory'.

All I could think was "Unsurprising. I don't think I'd ever be able to forget that either".


----------



## Crumbling

tankyguy said:


> I was shared link to a headline titled 'Study Shows Anally Inserted Chocolate Improves Memory'.
> 
> All I could think was "Unsurprising. I don't think I'd ever be able to forget that either".



You're certainly not going to forget where you put your snickers.


----------



## CleverBomb

*snickers*


----------



## lucca23v2

This is what they do for short term disability leave....

The Disability Program, consisting of the *Short-Term (STD)* and Long-Term (LTD) Disability Plans, blah, blah, blah.... .

*Requesting STD leave*

Really?!?!?!? This is what I have to call my time off an STD leave?!?!?!? Good grief!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

At least you get to specify the STD you have....


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> At least you get to specify the STD you have....


True.. but still...lol... i wonder who the genius behind that idea was..

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## dwesterny

Bahahahahahahaha. Teeheeheeheeheee! Lol.


----------



## RentonBob

When a girl I had been chatting with for only 2 days went a bit over the edge I told her I didn't think it would be good for us to meet. She then asked if I was breaking up with her.

 

Breaking up with you? When were we ever together? lol...


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> Bahahahahahahaha. Teeheeheeheeheee! Lol.



[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14Ue_w1wmQs"]Ripper Roo, is that you?[/ame]


----------



## lucca23v2

This is so me today! I am cross posting this on another thread as well... 

View attachment stewie.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

This...yes.

Im gonna hit this thang!!


----------



## lucca23v2

I was walking to the kitchenette here at work.. and my pants started to fall.. I caught them half way down my hips, just above the beginning of my thighs... lol...ugh!


----------



## Crumbling

lucca23v2 said:


> I was walking to the kitchenette here at work.. and my pants started to fall.. I caught them half way down my hips, just above the beginning of my thighs... lol...ugh!



Another reason Why i love my bib overalls .. 

If I have regular jeans on and both hands full it's almost guaranteed that the waistband is gonna start heading South.

Then there are the days where the jeans/overalls stay put but the underwear below them decides it's going to go visit my knees... or worse yet head in the opposite direction.

One day i will separate the 'uppers' from the 'downers' mark them accordingly and then at least I'll know what my torment will be on any given day.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I am glad to know i am not the only one who seperates undies into uppers and downers


----------



## Tad

Crumbling said:


> One day i will separate the 'uppers' from the 'downers' mark them accordingly and then at least I'll know what my torment will be on any given day.



Or, you know, stitch some uppers and downers together, for the first hover-undies that always stay put!


----------



## lucca23v2

Lol....hover-undies that would be interesting 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Just free ball it! (For me this means more chafing unless i wear lykra bike shorts)


----------



## loopytheone

Oh my gosh, this reminds me of the other day. I was walking home from my mum's and about ten minutes into the walk my pants not only started falling down, but literally fell all the way off my butt and were just being held up by the crotch bit of my trousers. I had to waddle over to the nearest supermarket as discretely as possible and fix it!


----------



## Tad

This was actually from yesterday, but I forgot to post it then. I was on a conference call with a supplier, and we found we needed some detail from the exact solid state drive (ssd) that we were having issues with. I texted someone in the lab, and thanks to the power of autocorrect asked them Could you please take a picture of a ass and send it to me. Fortunately I noticed the change right after I sent the text and was able to send a clarification.

I dont know if it makes it better or worse that the someone in the lab was my wife.




loopytheone said:


> Oh my gosh, this reminds me of the other day. I was walking home from my mum's and about ten minutes into the walk my pants not only started falling down, but literally fell all the way off my butt and were just being held up by the crotch bit of my trousers. I had to waddle over to the nearest supermarket as discretely as possible and fix it!



This was even more shocking until I remembered that in the UK "pants" = "Underwear" (as opposed to over here where "pants" = "trousers")


----------



## lucca23v2

So.. here is a picture of my pants from yesterday and you can see why they fell. I tend to buy my clothes a bit loose because I hate tight fitting clothes, however I am down a few lbs.. and so it makes my clothes fit looser than originally intended so now I walk around with my pants rolled at the waist..lol.. 

View attachment my_pants.jpg


----------



## dwesterny

New shirt, can you see what made me lol? Answer in white below...

Chest pockets are sewn on at different heights. 

View attachment IMG_20160613_105120.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Lmfao that is awesome, its like your moobs are winking at me


----------



## loopytheone

Hahaha, oh my god, that looks like something I would end up making if somebody trusted me to make clothes! xD


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Because no one will notice it is plus sized clothing if there are other visua distractions??


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

This, when looking to order something


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> This, when looking to order something



You finally decided to spring for the fancy yellowcake uranium? Good for you!


----------



## lucca23v2

my body makes me laugh. I have wide hips, both pretty even for the most part. Except, now that I am slowly losing weight, my right hip is losing faster than my left. My right hip is almost even with my thighs.. but my left hip is still full. I am losing inches very unevenly..lol My body can't even manage to lose weight normally.. at this rate my right side will be skinny and my left will be fat (j/k--but wouldn't that be interesting)..lol


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Haha, i have heard that complaint in breasts but not hips! Hopefully you even out, i mean, that muse cause an underwear nightmare!

---

Apparently grooming scissors are serious shit, dwes!


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Haha, i have heard that complaint in breasts but not hips! Hopefully you even out, i mean, that muse cause an underwear nightmare!
> 
> ---
> 
> Apparently grooming scissors are serious shit, dwes!


Lol.. no undie problems.. (yet).. but ugh.. i feel so lopsided...lol.. 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## lucca23v2

This right here... 

View attachment butthurt.jpg


----------



## fat hiker

Xyantha Reborn said:


> This...yes.
> 
> Im gonna hit this thang!!




Scottish...........Gin??????????????????


It seems a bit like ordering French whisky, n'est-ce pas?




Is it good gin?


----------



## dwesterny

fat hiker said:


> Scottish...........Gin??????????????????
> 
> 
> It seems a bit like ordering French whisky, n'est-ce pas?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Is it good gin?



One of the best gins. Hendricks is amazing, rose petals and cucumber are some of the botanicals.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Best gin I have ever had. It tastes like pine needles and burning LOL


----------



## x0emnem0x

Just got back from seeing The Conjuring 2 with my beau. I scared the crap out of him on the way home… I basically stuck my hand behind the chair in the car and had my palm up against the back of his hair. I never knew he could move that way, but he said "what the fuck", and his face was priceless. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time, my stomach still hurts and I definitely had tears in my eyes.


----------



## dwesterny

Over-preparers. If a procedure takes 20 minutes to perform with no preparation beforehand, how do you justify spending 20 minutes preparing and it still takes 15 minutes for the procedure because you may as well have just put the shit together when you use it instead of messing with everything twice and laying it all out.


----------



## rabbitislove

I was sitting in team meeting this morning and one of my fellow therapists was talking about how one of our clients considers herself a "BBW" and explained what that meant to our team

. I know Ive gotten more professional as I didnt yell out "THERES ALSO BIG HANDSOME MEN!!!" in the middle of the meeting. I think I responded "Well there's a strength she has!"


----------



## lucca23v2

These lights.. I so want the packaging...lol.... Fonts are everything! 

View attachment lights.jpg


----------



## lucca23v2

This pic cracks me up as well. Can't help but think this may have been done on purpose. 

View attachment Sausages.jpg


----------



## x0emnem0x




----------



## dwesterny

I got chewed out for buying expensive bourbon and sweet vermouth. The liquor store guy felt I should drink the bourbon straight and not mix it. It was only like $40 for a 750 ml it's not like I was making Rob Roys with fricken 25 year old single malt.


----------



## LeoGibson

dwesterny said:


> I got chewed out for buying expensive bourbon and sweet vermouth. The liquor store guy felt I should drink the bourbon straight and not mix it. It was only like $40 for a 750 ml it's not like I was making Rob Roys with fricken 25 year old single malt.



I'm with you. He's a slack jawed peasant. A fancy gentleman knows that a cocktail is only as good as its ingredients. You wouldn't want to use Old Grandad to make a proper Sazerac would you?


----------



## dwesterny

LeoGibson said:


> I'm with you. He's a slack jawed peasant. A fancy gentleman knows that a cocktail is only as good as its ingredients. You wouldn't want to use Old Grandad to make a proper Sazerac would you?



I should have told him I wasn't going to mix the bourbon with vermouth, but I had diet mountain dew for mixing with the bourbon.


----------



## LeoGibson

dwesterny said:


> I should have told him I wasn't going to mix the bourbon with vermouth, but I had diet mountain dew for mixing with the bourbon.



Bwahahahaha! I would have repped that answer if I could. Consider it so-repped!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

LeoGibson said:


> I'm with you. He's a slack jawed peasant. A fancy gentleman knows that a cocktail is only as good as its ingredients. You wouldn't want to use Old Grandad to make a proper Sazerac would you?



We ONLY have nice booze. When we made cocktails with cheap booze all of our friends could taste the difference. We are all old enough that we need it to taste nice, because getting buzzed is no longer the main goal.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Back in the day, I had little money and friends whose delicate taste buds only responded to expensive liquor. So whenever I threw a party, I collected empty bottles of their favorite brands and filled them up with Old Overcoat. They always raved over the quality of the booze and expressed their appreciation for my taking the trouble to indulge their tastes.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Haha i wish we could do that. We used havana club 3 instead of havana club 7 secretly as mix and as one they all made faces and said it "tasted funny"


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> We ONLY have nice booze. When we made cocktails with cheap booze all of our friends could taste the difference. We are all old enough that we need it to taste nice, because getting buzzed is no longer the main goal.



I enjoy high end booze and craft beer but I can also deeply enjoy the cheap and common. I love Narraganset Lager and Genesee Cream Ale (mass produced regional brews) and can get as much pleasure from them when I'm in the mood for them as from a Dogfish Head or Lagunitas. Brokers Gin is very inexpensive compared to say Hendricks or similar but Brokers is a fantastic London Dry gin distilled in old fashioned copper stills. Also the bottle cap is a fucking bowler hat! Total win! 

View attachment Brokers-London-Dry-Gin-Bottle-and-Cap-min.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Sorry, lmao, that bowler hat brings me full circle back to the classy penis wih monocle and top hat convo...

Because if i was a man who wanted to dress my penis up in a bowler hat, a gin bottle is so where i would source it...


----------



## loopytheone

Spent most of today balancing on stupidly small, slippery ledges in my bathroom to clean things and didn't fall once in the ten hours I was doing so.

I then saw a spider on my bedroom wall and jumped so much I slid off the bed, taking my quilt, pillow and laptop with me.


----------



## lucca23v2

what a weekend!.. My keyboard is having issues with the space bar...my air conditioner is not working, Fed EX is driving around with my package in their truck for no reason...the washing machine is not working and some of my work clothes and underwear are in the washing machine.. and the icing on the cake.. the light fixture in my room stopped working.

All you can do is laugh. Thankfully I have extra clothes due to the lost weight. Also, I tend to buy underwear twice a month (basically every paycheck) , so I am good for this work week.

First world problems!


----------



## Tad

I hope that your week improves on the weekend! ie that you will have ex-fedex problems, won't be agitated by a lack of agitation, have space to write, and will be enlightened)


----------



## lucca23v2

This is funny! 

View attachment hot.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

That is cute

----

I am teaching my cats scent detection, and they are so good at it that it makes me chortle!!


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Xyantha Reborn said:


> ----
> 
> I am teaching my cats scent detection, and they are so good at it that it makes me chortle!!



I'm glad to hear they're doing so well. If any of them would like advanced training, there's a skunk under my house who's willing to tutor.


----------



## loopytheone

The fact that my cousin is in the promo pictures for this article. I mean, he does work for Virgin Atlantic's PR department and he is gay, so it makes sense to use his image for this, but... I dunno why I find it so funny, it's just the fact that it is my cousin! I can't take seriously promo pics that include somebody I've spent hours dive bombing into swimming pools and playing monopoly with! 

I know some of you are wondering, he is the guy in the yellow hi-vis jacket in the second picture.


----------



## Tad

I'm sure the reasons you mentioned were part of it .... but I'm also sure it didn't hurt that your cousin is pretty darn good looking! You may not see it because family, have known forever, etc.


----------



## loopytheone

Tad said:


> I'm sure the reasons you mentioned were part of it .... but I'm also sure it didn't hurt that your cousin is pretty darn good looking! You may not see it because family, have known forever, etc.



Well considering that people always tell me I look like him and that we look more like siblings than cousins, I'll take that as a compliment! 

Also, he has appeared on tv before and I once read some people's comments about it after the show was uploaded to youtube. Apparently quite a lot of people think he is good looking. To me, he just looks like my cousin.


----------



## x0emnem0x

This was waaay too accurate for me today, except the tacos were had last night. Unfortunately, I don't have margaritas, but I do have rum!


----------



## lucca23v2

HAHAHA.... this note is too funny! 

View attachment Kids....jpg


----------



## Melian

This shouldn't have been funny.....but it really was:

I woke up yesterday morning, hung out for a bit, and then looked down and noticed that one of my toes was basically hacked in half and covered with dried blood.

I started laughing, showed my bf (who nearly puked), and said, "holy fuck, I must have been wrecked last night."


----------



## Tad

I, uh, sympathize with your boyfriend. Just the description ... 

But please tell me you got it looked at and taken care of?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I memory popped up in my mind of something from yeaaarrs ago.

Basically I had to get the department to sign off that they received training because of some poor performance. Most people took it with good grace, but one woman signed with an "X" because she refused to acknowledge her shit.

It still makes me laugh because that is how illiterate people used to sign.

So instead of acknowledging she got training to improve her, she claimed to be completely illiterate and uneducated.


----------



## Melian

Tad said:


> I, uh, sympathize with your boyfriend. Just the description ...
> 
> But please tell me you got it looked at and taken care of?



LOL, yeah, I looked at it 

It just had a deep cut and part of the nail ripped off (down to the nail bed, though). I cleaned it out and it doesn't show any signs of infection, so I'm satisfied.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Did you disinfect it with more booze?


----------



## Melian

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Did you disinfect it with more booze?



If you mean, "did you drink 2-3 bottles of wine last night?" then....perhaps...


----------



## Tad

I was quipping to a co-worker that the way we tracked something at work was &#8216;state of the art, circa 1989.’ Then I realized that she may not have been born in 1989, and if she had been she would have been in diapers, and that the slightly awkward silence was because she had not a clue if I was serious about how things were done back then.

How to very suddenly feel old!


----------



## dwesterny

One year since this loser popped up on the boards. Time flies or something... 

View attachment IMG_20160706_135545.png


----------



## agouderia

dwesterny said:


> One year since this loser popped up on the boards. Time flies or something...



You just caught me doubling checking the date of you joining dwes - I can't believe it! I would've sworn any holy oath that you've been around for 3-4 years. :doh: Talk about someone becoming part of the inventory real fast ....


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> One year since this loser popped up on the boards. Time flies or something...



Awww, happy dims anniversary! <3


----------



## Crumbling

dwesterny said:


> One year since this loser popped up on the boards. Time flies or something...



Guess that makes it a cake day!

Happy cake day!


----------



## op user

> * Also, I tend to buy underwear twice a month *


. I thought you have to wash them before use.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

You made it! FFA indoctrination complete!


----------



## lucca23v2

op user said:


> . I thought you have to wash them before use.



Yes. you do. I wash them as son as I get home and place them in a storage container. I must have about 20 or 30 pair in their that are new. I always keep spares.


----------



## Crumbling

lucca23v2 said:


> Yes. you do. I wash them as son as I get home and place them in a storage container. I must have about 20 or 30 pair in their that are new. I always keep spares.



a storage container?






When is your audition for "X-treme Preppers"?


----------



## rabbitislove

loopytheone said:


> Awww, happy dims anniversary! <3



Happy Dims-A-Versary Dwes!!! Its been good having you. I enjoy your sassy snapbacks and overall sense of humour!


----------



## loopytheone

Crumbling said:


> Guess that makes it a cake day!
> 
> Happy cake day!



Wait, you mean, we should all have been celebrating our dims-anniversary with cake? God dammit, I've been missing out on this for years! :doh:


----------



## x0emnem0x




----------



## lucca23v2

Crumbling said:


> a storage container?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> When is your audition for "X-treme Preppers"?


Lol... well more like a storage box... not a container..lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Crumbling

lucca23v2 said:


> Sent from the Secure Underwear Storage Facility at Cheyenne Mountain using Tapatalk



*ducks and covers*


----------



## lucca23v2

> Originally Posted by lucca23v2 View Post
> Sent from the Secure Underwear Storage Facility at Cheyenne Mountain using Tapatalk





Crumbling said:


> *ducks and covers*



Shhhhhh! Man.. you are not suppose to disclose that information! Damn it.. i am going to have to pull a Richard Nicon/Hillary Clinton on this thread now..lmfao!!!!.. 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Melian

dwesterny said:


> One year since this loser popped up on the boards. Time flies or something...



Damn, it sure does. 

For your 1 year anniversary, Tad is going to come to your home and grind on you. That's how it works, right?


----------



## dwesterny

Melian said:


> Damn, it sure does.
> 
> For your 1 year anniversary, Tad is going to come to your home and grind on you. That's how it works, right?



Sploosh


Extra letters


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Everything about this text convo.


----------



## Melian

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Everything about this text convo.



LOL. Is that you and your husband, or a different 2 weirdos?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Melian said:


> LOL. Is that you and your husband, or a different 2 weirdos?



Haha totaly me and the hubby


----------



## DianaSSBBW

Abbamania outdoor free concert! If was a lot of fun and we had a blast!


----------



## lucca23v2

So normally when i see a person with their fly open.. i think.. did they not check themselves before they left to make sure everything is in place? I normally triple check to make sure everything is sealed up. Today however i guess i did not do that.. and so my whole 1:15 minute commute and the first 45 minutes at work i was walking around with my pants unzipped. &#128565; luckily i always wear long tops to cover my wide hips and wide ass or everyone would have seen my cartoon undies.

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## loopytheone

My friend managing to eat in the space of less than 24 hours: A plate of chicken wings, a burger, chips, garlic bread, a bowl of macaroni cheese, a plate of sausages, a grilled cheese sandwich, a garlic bread pizza, a pint of ice cream, another box of chicken wings, a 15 inch meat pizza and 8 bottles of ribena/juice drink/gatorade. And then claiming that he is only big because he is lazy, not that he eats too much. And then wondering why his t shirt is so tight around his belly.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

My dog is going for dental surgery (not funny)

But there is a cow place beside my vets. My younger boy was whining at the big dogs to come closer, so they did! And he was like OMFG those aren't dogs!!!!! First time in two years I ever heard him growl!!!


----------



## lille

Xyantha Reborn said:


> My dog is going for dental surgery (not funny)
> 
> But there is a cow place beside my vets. My younger boy was whining at the big dogs to come closer, so they did! And he was like OMFG those aren't dogs!!!!! First time in two years I ever heard him growl!!!



Archer had a similar reaction to sheep. He got closer, sheep got closer, he got closer, sheep got closer, too close! He ran which scared the sheep so they ran.


----------



## Crumbling

WRT a discussion about Haggis that was had over the weekend.
(by people who showed up and therefore don't suck)

http://www.scotlandnow.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/tv-show-puppet-cooks-up-8505896?

It's even in french so all our canadian friends can enjoy it.

also...

This nonsense has also taken a Scottish bent... 

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxg9vACeqjU[/ame]

and finally..

The marlon webb/band of the bold thing reminds me of this NSFW but funny short film.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mc4kemvDd4M[/ame]

Which certain demographics of the board may enjoy.


----------



## agouderia

lille said:


> Archer had a similar reaction to sheep. He got closer, sheep got closer, he got closer, sheep got closer, too close! He ran which scared the sheep so they ran.



We had a very lively opinionated German sheperd lady for some years, who had lived all her life in the city with a couple who became to ill to care for her anymore.

Visiting friends we took her to the real countryside in Normandy for the first time. Despite being fearlessly belligerent most of the time, she was clearly afraid of horses and shied away from them. 

But then we went for a walk and passed some sheep grazing unsuspectingly on a small pasture. Our dog jumped the little fence and herded them all up barking until they were neatly clustered under an apple tree.

To then look triumphantly at us over her shoulder as if she wanted to say: "I'm the perfect sheep dog - genes don't lie!"


----------



## Tad

It is interesting to see how genetic programming can play out in animals. (warning, incoming is one overly long and rambling story for a simple point)

Decades ago, when I was a kid, my family moved a couple of thousand kilometres across Canada, bringing with us a cat, a gerbil, several guppies, and a motor boat. Along the way we spent a week boat-camping on our favorite vacation place, Lake of the Woods. Despite being some of the most gorgeous cottage-country (in the Canadian sense of such things .... granite shores, pine-trees, many bays and islands), Lake of the Woods is big enough and far enough from major population centres that much of it is undeveloped, and it is (or at least was forty years ago) possible to pull a small boat up to an empty piece of shoreline and pitch a tent and stay for a while, with nobody much to care.

Our cat had a grand old time -- being an accomplished hunter and totaly at home out of doors she'd saunter by to say hello to us a few times a day and couldn't be bothered with the food we put out for her because she'd found plenty of game (yes, cats are an ecological catastrophe, fortunately we were there for only a week). Meanwhile the gerbil had to stay in its cage, of course -- but a local chipmunk sometimes came to sit on a nearby fallen tree trunk to look at it and chatter the occasional sentence its way. Clearly the chipmunk recognized the gerbil as something like it.

During one of the chipmunks visits the cat came sauntering down the beach on one of her periodic check ins with us. The chipmunk freaked out and became very agitated, chittering urgent warnings at the gerbil. The gerbil totally ignored these, since it knew that it was safe in its cage (for that matter, it never did seem to pay much attention to the chipmunk). The wild rodent clearly recognized the cat as a dangerous predator, even though it was calmy walking along in full sight and not in any way looking like it was hunting. It also clearly saw the gerbil as a fellow-creature that needed to be warned of danger.

Fortunately the chipmunk did run away, far later than it probably should have but before the cat got to the point of feeling that it had to do something about the situation. But it did drive home to me how much animals (and probably us humans too), can know, without ever being taught or having experienced it.


----------



## loopytheone

I am totally reminded of my dogs. They are terriers, but they are a rare breed that hasn't been bred much so they are pretty wild and basic in nature. For instance, my dog and her mother both do an absolutely perfect point (the stance pointers do when they see something) despite being 10 inch tall dwarf terriers. It is adorable. And whilst my breeder lost her dog for about an hour because he ran up a cliff to herd some cows (so close to sheep, buddy, so close!) his grandson, my sister's dog, prefers to herd teenagers. Seriously. On the small field at the park he will run around in circles barking at them until they are all neatly in the middle of the field. 

These are not pointers, nor are the shepherds. Like, at all. But they still have the instinct to do these things, which is pretty awesome. My dog also stalks up to prey sometimes like a cat, and the puppy will crawl/drop like a collie.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Crumbling - WTF? lmao, is this an accent thing again????

---

Once my aussie's have finished growing their brains (about 4 yrs old) I want to take them herding. I think they would be good at it. I just have to be careful about behaviours for them that are self fulfilling, because they tend to repeat them and lose other training I have done. I want them to herd on command, not just see things and herd them. Just because I do competitive obedience, agility, and scentwork. And they live with cats. (Although, they would soon learn that herding cats is ineffectual )

My 2 yr old, after freaking out about the cows, went to see his breeder. His breeder has horses, and he got chuffed on and snorted enough that he leerily accepted them.

When I picked up my 3 yr old and brought him home he was so drunk on meds he was leaning on the wall like a human drunk. And when we ordered food he desperately bayed to protect the house while I hugged him. His barking sounded like "OH GOD NOT RIGHT NOW! JUST GO AWAAYYYYY!! JUST LEAVE US ALOOOOONNNE!!!"


----------



## agouderia

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I want them to herd on command, not just see things and herd them.



That is probably how it's supposed to be. 

We had no clue that our city-girl German sheperd would even recognize some harmless sheep as something that could be herded.

The poor sheep were just as surprised; they looked like they had never been herded properly in their lives before either. Their habitat was this cute, more like big back yard, fenced in apple-orchard pasture where they could graze calmly. And then comes this bossy, barking German sheperd that herds those poor French sheep together under an apple tree. (Speak of also fulfilling nationalist clichés). 

But our dog clearly had found her true vocation and looked incredibly proud of herself.


----------



## lille

Bostons aren't true terriers but they did come from the English white terrier. Archer is learning barn hunt and while after his first class it didn't seem to excite him, at practice after that he was really excited and I think it may be our thing. Though he's nothing compared to the dachshund that was there.


----------



## Tad

I wouldn't think that barns would be all that hard to hunt down .... (ducks and runs away before the hounds are set on me)

ETA: more seriously, what is a barn hunt?


----------



## lille

Tad said:


> I wouldn't think that barns would be all that hard to hunt down .... (ducks and runs away before the hounds are set on me)
> 
> ETA: more seriously, what is a barn hunt?





Hehehe. It's a humane rat hunt. The course is made of hay bales and the rat is in a protective pvc tube. 

This is archer at practice. https://instagram.com/p/BH7pqQVBSba/


----------



## djudex




----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Was in my profile and saw crumbling left a msg with ITT and i was trying to figure out what he meant. Apparently, definition 2 is:

Intense Testicular Tension

Lmao, thanks, Urban Dictionary!

----

Btw i didn't mean to cast apersions on any dog who naturally herds. I think it is awesome when they harness their inner instinct and can just do that kind of stuff. Australian Shepherds are bred for herding, which means it is super self fulfilling, and can wreck foundational training if done wrong. Meant it more as "ah, can't wait til we can try that!"


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

To someone who barely reads french, this apparently is interpreted as "gout is a good pain" lmfao


----------



## MattB

You are correct!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Sister: are you are birthday control?
Me: no, i let mine happen naturally every year.
Sister: what?
Me: scroll up, babe.


----------



## dwesterny

I find it troubling that in the food delivery section amazon.com is giving me an option to buy "used" sausage. 

View attachment sausage.jpg


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Makes you wonder what it was used _for_, doesn't it?


----------



## djudex

Dr. Feelgood said:


> Makes you wonder what it was used _for_, doesn't it?


----------



## loopytheone

Conversation with the other half last night:

Me: My eyes are for looking pretty!

Him: Your eyes are for looking at fat things. 

Me: *looks him up and down* That's what I'm doing right now, isn't it?

Like he said, he totally walked into that one. =p Gotta love somebody who is patient enough to deal with me for hours at a time!


----------



## CleverBomb

Dr. Feelgood said:


> Makes you wonder what it was used _for_, doesn't it?


Hmmn. 
Reminds me that I need to get working on my multilevel marketing plan for sausages. 
I'll set up home parties where affiliated representatives can sell high-quality processed meat, and recruit affiliates to buy their products in bulk for resale at their own events.

Everyone will want to go to these sausage parties, right?


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

CleverBomb said:


> Hmmn.
> 
> 
> Everyone will want to go to these sausage parties, right?



Only if we get to play Hide the Salami!


----------



## CleverBomb

Perhaps they should be promoted on meetup.com.

(Note: meetup.com is a legitimate and non-prurient group event coordinating service, but I most definitely intended to double that entendre.)


----------



## dwesterny

Deli person put pieces of wax paper between every slice of cheese they sliced for my order. Why? Do I look like the kind of guy who eats cheese one slice at a time?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Lmfao ! I envisioned this being on your sandwhich at first!!


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> Deli person put pieces of wax paper between every slice of cheese they sliced for my order. Why? Do I look like the kind of guy who eats cheese one slice at a time?



...then how else do you eat sliced cheese? If not a slice at a time, then why is it sliced?


----------



## dwesterny

Description of the new up and coming supergrains that we will all be hearing about. One of my favorites:

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/04/04/grain-forecast



> oal-é
> 
> Roll over, quinoa, this new grain has a dash in its name! Oal-é (pronounced “Dennis”) is a common brown grain, native to Asia and parts of Africa, that gets its name from marketing executives at Whole Foods. Oal-é is often jokingly referred to as i-oo-my’a, which is a satirical nod to the grain’s vowel-heavy moniker. Reading through this paragraph, you’re probably pronouncing oal-é in your head as “oh-all-aye,” even though, as stated, it should be pronounced “Dennis.” Do yourself a favor, and reread the paragraph, pronouncing oal-é correctly.
> 
> 
> Pro tip: Adding some oal-é to your evening salad is a great way to let people know that you’ve heard of oal-é. But just remember, if you’re new to using oal-é, you’re probably better off calling it ei-h, eå-q-o, or “brown rice.”


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Some of us had a great laugh today at a faculty meeting today about an upcoming fire drill. What caused the laughter was the assignment of who was to stay in the building...


----------



## rabbitislove

dwesterny said:


> description of the new up and coming supergrains that we will all be hearing about. One of my favorites:
> 
> http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/04/04/grain-forecast



grains! Graaaaaaaains!:d


----------



## Esther

Little kid in class raised his hand and asked if I knew Satan. 
Should've told him "You're looking at her, son."


PS- hi


----------



## Tad

Esther said:


> Little kid in class raised his hand and asked if I knew Satan.
> Should've told him "You're looking at her, son."
> 
> 
> PS- hi



What would have led him to wonder that? 

and 'hi' back!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Hey!

---

This commercial was on youtube and it was some clothing designer in Toronto asking what your style said about you.

*looks down at herself*

It says: this woman has bigger priorities than expensive clothes. It has a feel reminicent of wanting to go back to bed; a sort of subtle "fukkit", while maintaining the patina of corporate dresscode.


----------



## dwesterny

Esther said:


> Little kid in class raised his hand and asked if I knew Satan.
> Should've told him "You're looking at her, son."
> 
> 
> PS- hi



Whale cum back, Satan.


----------



## Tad

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Hey!
> 
> ---
> 
> This commercial was on youtube and it was some clothing designer in Toronto asking what your style said about you.
> 
> *looks down at herself*
> 
> It says: this woman has bigger priorities than expensive clothes. It has a feel reminicent of wanting to go back to bed; a sort of subtle "fukkit", while maintaining the patina of corporate dresscode.



At first I thought the punchline, based on comments you've made in the past, was going to be "That I have two dogs."

Hmmmm, when I look down what I think is "Oh look, I managed to drip something on my shirt yet again, I wonder how it always hits the exact same spot?"  

View attachment IMG_20160826_1332230.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Oh god yes. Waiters comment on it when we go out *roll eyes*

Lol - if it makes you feel any better large chested girls get thise stains on their boobs...


----------



## dwesterny

Tad said:


> At first I thought the punchline, based on comments you've made in the past, was going to be "That I have two dogs."
> 
> Hmmmm, when I look down what I think is "Oh look, I managed to drip something on my shirt yet again, I wonder how it always hits the exact same spot?"



I tend to get food stains over the moobal region not my belly. I guess because I'm more apple than pear.


----------



## Tad

dwesterny said:


> I tend to get food stains over the moobal region not my belly. I guess because I'm more apple than pear.



Because of how I always seem to be able to drop something, I tend to lean forward, hoping to drop/drip onto my plate or at least the table. But I still seem to forget to lean far enough (or not want to look all hunched over my food, like Esther with her precious/sandwich) so drop/drip on my belly. If I sit up straighter I can scatter anywhere from moobal to gutal. 

I'll grant you that you have a lot more horizontal cross section with which to catch things -- and more generally I know others have it worse than me. I was just frustrated because after three washes I'd finally gotten the last grease stain out of this golf shirt, and I nailed it again the first time I wore it back to work.


----------



## Melian

Esther said:


> Little kid in class raised his hand and asked if I knew Satan.
> Should've told him "You're looking at her, son."
> 
> 
> PS- hi



It's true. You are Satan. :wubu:



Xyantha Reborn said:


> Hey!
> 
> ---
> 
> This commercial was on youtube and it was some clothing designer in Toronto asking what your style said about you.
> 
> *looks down at herself*
> 
> It says: this woman has bigger priorities than expensive clothes. It has a feel reminicent of wanting to go back to bed; a sort of subtle "fukkit", while maintaining the patina of corporate dresscode.



Oh god...I'm wearing jeans from the 90's and a neon green Cthulhu t-shirt to work today. It says: You are stuck in the past (~20 years, although you only believe it to be 5) and value madness over fashion. You should have become a grave robber.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Oh, i want it!


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Lol - if it makes you feel any better large chested girls get thise stains on their boobs...



My boobs are excellent food catchers. 

They are also great at catching animal fur. This led to an awkward scene of my friend brushing me down with a horse brush in the farm. He did everything except my boobs, which I then did myself afterwards... only to look up and see the barn full of teenage boys staring at me as I aggressively brushed/jiggled my boobs.


----------



## dwesterny

In line at Starbucks this morning and the baris... the coffee dude remembered the usual order of the person in front of me. But instead of saying "Large decaf" he pointed at guy and said "Large D". Or maybe he just recognized him from somewhere else.


----------



## loopytheone

I just got an email from Bravissimo titled "Your transistional wardrobe!" and all I could think was 'What am I being transformed into, again?'.  Turns out they meant autumn-time outfits but still!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

The open communication with my hubby.

We both went to the bathroom, and he came out joking he was glad he could still beat me. I commented I didn't turn it on "power blast" and he was like ???

So we had a lovely and enlightening conversation about the relative urination speeds of the female and male sexes. At 8:30 am in the morning on the friday of a long weekend. Lmfao, nothing is out of bounds, and i love it. Totally doesn't throw him if i ask him personal questions about the male anatomy!!


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> The open communication with my hubby.
> 
> We both went to the bathroom, and he came out joking he was glad he could still beat me. I commented I didn't turn it on "power blast" and he was like ???
> 
> So we had a lovely and enlightening conversation about the relative urination speeds of the female and male sexes. At 8:30 am in the morning on the friday of a long weekend. Lmfao, nothing is out of bounds, and i love it. Totally doesn't throw him if i ask him personal questions about the male anatomy!!



....can men, like, not control the speed of their peeing or something?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I've never seen one squeeze it hard and fast. He said they can but its kind of uncomfortable, and because peeing never takes them long anyway they don't tend to.


----------



## dwesterny

> Maximum and average urine flow rates in normal male and female populations--the Liverpool nomograms.
> Haylen BT1, Ashby D, Sutherst JR, Frazer MI, West CR.
> Author information
> Abstract
> The study of voiding in men and women has been handicapped by the lack of a normal reference range covering urinary flow rates over a wide range of voided volumes. Normal volunteers (331 males and 249 females) were studied. Each voided once into a calibrated Dantec Urodyn 1000 mictiograph. On a second occasion 282 men and 46 women voided. The maximum and average urine flow rates of the first voids in both sexes were compared with the respective voided volumes. Nomogram charts, in centile form, for both the maximum and average urine flow rates were constructed using statistical transformations of the data. Males showed a significant decline in both urinary flow rates with age, although there was no statistically significant variation in either urine flow rate with respect to first versus repeated voiding. Females showed no statistically significant variation in either urine flow rate with respect to age, parity or first versus repeated voiding. The maximum and average urine flow rates in both sexes showed an equally strong relationship to voided volume. No artificial restriction of voided volume, e.g. minimum 200 ml, appeared appropriate. These nomograms offer reference ranges for both maximum and average urinary flow rates in both sexes covering a wide range of voided volumes (15-600 ml).



As you can see in the attached images men under 50 have a higher potential maximum flow rate. Average flow rate for men under 50 is higher as well. Women seem to have a higher maximum rate at medium volumes though. So there is no clear answer. It gets more complicated when you consider that overall urination time would be volume of pee divided by rate and the maximum rate would presumably decay as the bladder empties, depending on whether rate of urination was calculated as overall across the pee event or peak momentsry rate. Men under vs over 50 were separated due to decreases in rate resulting from prostate issues. Women showed no decrease with age.


----------



## dwesterny

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQR1r1KTjaE"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQR1r1KTjaE[/ame]


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

loopytheone said:


> ....can men, like, not control the speed of their peeing or something?



Not only that, it's almost impossible to adjust the trajectory. I, for example, shoot low and to the right, which sometimes forces me to approach the urinal in an attitude reminiscent of a dog at a fireplug. On the bright side, it furnishes mirth for my fellow sprinklers.


----------



## dwesterny

dwesterny said:


> As you can see in the attached images men under 50 have a higher potential maximum flow rate. Average flow rate for men under 50 is higher as well. Women seem to have a higher maximum rate at medium volumes though. So there is no clear answer. It gets more complicated when you consider that overall urination time would be volume of pee divided by rate and the maximum rate would presumably decay as the bladder empties, depending on whether rate of urination was calculated as overall across the pee event or peak momentsry rate. Men under vs over 50 were separated due to decreases in rate resulting from prostate issues. Women showed no decrease with age.



Ugh I misread this, maximum flow rate in the context of this article refers to the highest rate of flow during urination not a forced increased rate due to straining. So average in the context of this article would be relevant but maximum really not so much, although one might suspect that forced increase rates would be limited in a manner similar to how high rate/high volume urination is limited so it may provide some insight. I assume it would depend on whether the increased volume in high rate urination is achieved by an increase in the pressure differential between bladder and atmospheric pressures or a decrease in the resistance to flow across the urethra. 

I apologize for my error in the earlier post, I hope I didn't piss anyone off.


----------



## Crumbling

Xyantha Reborn said:


> because peeing never takes them long anyway they don't tend to.



Revisit that in 20-30 years when peeing is both painful and takes too long.

Kegels... no-one ever regrets them.


----------



## dwesterny

Me: Oh baby, I decided I wanna make it Greek style.
Her: I told you I'm not into that.
Me: Well I already added the lemon, garlic and oregano to the chicken.


----------



## loopytheone

I just made a typo and claimed to be 'cleaning my fat'. I mean, I'm gonna do that later, but the flat is getting cleaned first...


----------



## dwesterny

It occurs to me that according to every episode of 'The Flash' I have watched so far there is no natural disaster which cannot be averted by running really fast in a circle.


----------



## rabbitislove

My own sexual awkwardness/pragmatism:

Me: Oh wow that shirt is sooo tight. Your fat body is soooooo sexy.

(3 seconds later)

Me: Wait do you need new shirts? Because we only have like 90 days of Christmas shopping so I need to get to DXL and get on that. :doh:


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

dwesterny said:


> It occurs to me that according to every episode of 'The Flash' I have watched so far there is no natural disaster which cannot be averted by running really fast in a circle.



Most levels of government seem to work on the same principle. Oh, wait, you said 'fast', didn't you?


----------



## dwesterny

Bought some dirty FFA sex toys. 

View attachment IMG_20160906_174954.png


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Genious, sir!


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> Bought some dirty FFA sex toys.



I can think of a few things to use the tapemeasure for. I'm just saying...


----------



## Crumbling

dwesterny said:


> Bought some dirty FFA sex toys.



Talking scale... for when you can't see your feet.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Oh, heaven forbid the FFA has to stoop under the belly to read the output.


----------



## Crumbling

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Oh, heaven forbid the FFA has to stoop under the belly to read the output.



Like you'd remember what you went down there to do even before two scales start screaming 'Jesus! one at a time!' and "get off me!" at the top of their voices.


----------



## DianaSSBBW

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Oh, heaven forbid the FFA has to stoop under the belly to read the output.



Can someone please explain how to give a "REPUTATION"!! on here.

This almost made me "flow" in my pants!!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

=p on the bottom left under the person's name is a grey thing that looks like a branch to me. You click that


- crumbling, that sounds hawt.

Also, following this thought through, i would start up in surprise and "bump" my head into his underbelly.

See? Ffa role playing!


----------



## loopytheone

Xy, Crumbling, stop writing your porn in public!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Time to move this convo to the recent additions section, eh?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Fat guy wearing a shirt that said "Stud Puffin" with a chubby bird on it.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Made me chortle...pretty much sums up how I really feel about it all 

View attachment 14292448_1121839064517993_963286211358408158_n.jpg


----------



## loopytheone

I was talking to my other half about a co-worker of mine and he jokingly asked if he should be worried. I assured my bf that he is much cuter than my co-worker anyway to which he replied "So basically, he's not quite as fat as me, then?". 

I love this nerd so much.


----------



## rabbitislove

loopytheone said:


> I was talking to my other half about a co-worker of mine and he jokingly asked if he should be worried. I assured my bf that he is much cuter than my co-worker anyway to which he replied "So basically, he's not quite as fat as me, then?".
> 
> I love this nerd so much.



Aww thats cute. Total FFA life


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Yesterday my coworker and I along with another coworker who we do not work as closely with, got on the elevator with two other women.

Canadian ettiquitte means no talking in elevators beyond a halfhearted low comment. So, as we entered, the conversation naturally died. Now, as is my wont in tight spaces I immediately looked at my phone to avoid feeling confined.

A heartbeat later, someone starts farting. A long, protracted fart. One of those that makes you feel two pant sizes smaller afterwards. So of course, all of our eyes slant quietly, but no one would dare be rude enough to even comment on it.

At this point its still going on, and on...

Finally, the coworker who we do not work with as closely gasps and yanks out his phone, and beging vehemently apologizing and crying "it was the app on my phone for my kid!!"

Lmfao! He is never going to live that down!!


----------



## Crumbling

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Finally, the coworker who we do not work with as closely gasps and yanks out his phone, and beging vehemently apologizing and crying "it was the app on my phone for my kid!!"



https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.limmy.fartingboaby&hl=en


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

.............. 

View attachment 14045581_1101661443202422_3301791067993676778_n.jpg


----------



## CleverBomb

At the local aquarium this morning, at the interactive tide-pool display.
The front part of it has anemones, sea stars, urchins and such. I'm there with the Lovely and Talented Mrs. The back part has juvenile and small sharks... they're on the order of two feet long, swimming around. There's an aquarium staffer with his microphone explaining what's what.
Meanwhile, a young boy wanders to the back of the display and notices the juvenile sharks, and in amazement yells, "SHARK! SHARK!"

I turn to the Mrs. and remark, "We're going to need a smaller boat".


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Both are worth the read... 

View attachment 14502957_1136219089746657_2498928877778895400_n.jpg


View attachment 14463299_1136971746338058_8110982510201762748_n.jpg


----------



## x0emnem0x




----------



## Cobra Verde

Heh. In the spirit of the (by far) viler candidate:


----------



## CleverBomb

I'd suggest that belongs in Hyde Park, but you have me on ignore.


----------



## CleverBomb

This is excerpted from a table in the Wikipedia article List of Cetaceans (whales, dolphins, and so on):

It's used in a couple of other places in that table too, so they're definitely doing it on porpoise. 

View attachment needed.png


----------



## Cobra Verde

As a font dork this made me lose my shit perhaps more than it should have.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Truth... . 

View attachment 14449947_1137578972944002_9015067121732194314_n.jpg


----------



## x0emnem0x




----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I had to de-hair my car because i am in a wedding today/driving folks around.

Of course the 3 and 6 year olds next door came to "help" me, taking the sticky tape and screeching in disgusted delight at the hair that came off. So i cleaned out my change area and gave them about $.70 each. Because I remember being that age!!

The little one didn't want to take it at first, was so shy - then was so excited once it was in her hand she literally RAN inside crying to her uncle "uncle B i'm rich, i'm rich!" to add it to her piggy bank, then came out to show me how much she has saved (about $4). Kids are so darned cute lol.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

So i am a perv and an idiot with my hubby. So i sent him the first screenshot messages, and his response was so unflappably funny i had to share it with a good friend. 

Turns out we are awesome together for a reason!! I am such a loser haha


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Huh second one wont attach from meh phone


----------



## Melian

Boyfriend and I have both been cackling about this. Dumb skunts:

http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/2016/10/04/kim-kardashian-kanye-west-fabricated/


----------



## djudex

I found the boys! Time to grab some chicken fingers! 

View attachment IMG_20161013_135643.jpg


----------



## Sculptor

.......... 

View attachment image.jpg


----------



## rabbitislove

Melian said:


> Boyfriend and I have both been cackling about this. Dumb skunts:
> 
> http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/2016/10/04/kim-kardashian-kanye-west-fabricated/



Damn they are scraping the bottom of the relevance barrel. I do hope they go away and that the Age of Reality TV goes with them. I for one am willing to wish good riddance to the stupidity of the 00s.


----------



## loopytheone

Just tried to write out my username and failed twice.

Feel free to call me Lopy or Looopy from now on. :doh:


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Loooopy sounds halloweeen-y.


----------



## Cobra Verde

The _majority_ of users online right now are spambots with gibberish screennames and that list various prescription drugs as their genders.
I think they're preparing to swarm.


----------



## Tad

My son has a 'study week' off from uni this week, and as my wife was heading out the door she was fussing at him to remind him of all the various pieces of reading and work he should be paying attention to, the schedule for it all he'd agreed on, what was available for him to eat at lunch, and other thoughts for the day. He had to nearly push her out the door to get her to stop worrying about him being together for the day.

When I headed out a little while later, I realized that she'd left _her _lunch on the kitchen counter.


----------



## Cobra Verde

Cobra Verde said:


> The _majority_ of users online right now are spambots with gibberish screennames and that list various prescription drugs as their genders.
> I think they're preparing to swarm.


There's way more now. It's so _creepy_. What do they want with us??


[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydLJtKlVVZw[/ame]

Good luck getting that song out of your head.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I am getting more emails than I want, so I went into my CP to remove some subscriptions.

As I was removing it I thought: too bad, now I won't see what Dwes says before he edits it...

LOL


----------



## dwesterny

dwesterny said:


> Instead of editing my posts I am going to build a time machine so I can go back and change it before the initial post.





Oh my god it worked!!!!!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

or deletes it


----------



## dwesterny

Instead of editing my posts I am going to build a time machine so I can go back and change it before the initial post.


----------



## loopytheone

Cobra Verde said:


> There's way more now. It's so _creepy_. What do they want with us??



I don't know. I just took out about 400 manually and they just. keep. coming.

Someone's gonna have to give in and just buy some of their viagra so they leave!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

dwesterny said:


> Oh my god it worked!!!!!


 
you are such a shit LOL

---

ps loops and other mods, you are awesome for dealing with that BS. I was also LOLing because tad had spam on his wall...find it ironic they are so busy keeping the boards clean their own walls get smeared


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> ps loops and other mods, you are awesome for dealing with that BS. I was also LOLing because tad had spam on his wall...find it ironic they are so busy keeping the boards clean their own walls get smeared



You're just gonna see the mod team slowly disappear behind a mountain of viagra adds and foreign language spam.


----------



## Cobra Verde

I haven't seen The Terminator for a while but I'm pretty sure Skynet started out as an impotency drug spambot on a forum for fatties.


----------



## Anjula

My dogs. As some of you may know I'm a crazy dog lady. I have two dogs that currently live with my mom and two that live with me. I'm in my parents apartment ATM taking care of all four of them. Funny thing is my oldest dog Ichigo(~10kg) and my lovely tripod Appa(~7kg) are scared as shit of my newest chihuahua puppy(0.9kg). Masha is the only one who acts calm around her, but I guess that's because she's most used to her. It's really funny to watch two relatively big dogs run away in terror because a 1kg puppy is running towards them. She also steals bones and toys from them and they just let her lol


----------



## dwesterny

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/autocorrect


----------



## Cobra Verde

Head shot:

https://youtu.be/XvgnOqcCYCM?t=1m23s


----------



## DianaSSBBW

Received a BHM possivity post in Spanish today! 
I was like WOW cross-culture! since it came from a friend in Venezuela! 

View attachment Los Hombres..atentos!!.jpg


----------



## lille

There is a Brussels Griffon on instagram and his handle is @brussels.sprout


----------



## Cobra Verde

Maybe I should start watching football again after all.


----------



## dwesterny

Watching passive aggressive whiny bullshit made me lol.


----------



## rabbitislove

The banter I have with people in my life. I drove my best friend home from a party Friday night and he made up drunk songs in my honour.

And some fun banter with me, my BHM and my roommate  Im pretty lucky I have people in my life that make me laugh


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

dwesterny said:


> Watching passive aggressive whiny bullshit made me lol.



I didn't know you had a cat! Pix plz.


----------



## lucca23v2

This cracked me up today!!!!

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L37-3v7DyYs"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L37-3v7DyYs[/ame]


----------



## x0emnem0x

I was utterly pissed at my boyfriend. After not saying a word for a good half hour, I playfully punched him. He looked at me, smiling, and asked, "you want a brownie?" ... how can I be mad after that, seriously.


----------



## rellis10

The constant jokes and mental images of all the managers in my office being away on a team building day.... seriously, I can't imagine a more hopelessly awkward atmosphere.


----------



## Cobra Verde

Because I'm retarded my brain thought this was real for a milisecond and my blood started to angry up. Bigotry, sexual assault and impending nuclear war are one thing...



"You know, you could've stopped typing after the first 3 words."

Shuddup.


----------



## fat hiker

lucca23v2 said:


> This cracked me up today!!!!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L37-3v7DyYs



But it's just a copy of the original - Poo-pourri - which has a suite of ads, such as:
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKLnhuzh9uY[/ame]


----------



## dwesterny

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU_y9FB0QKk"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU_y9FB0QKk[/ame]


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Had this weird realization that people use acronyms when they wouldn't probably say the full word. Like guys here will call other guys BHM - but i can't see many of them saying 'You are a big handsome man"

just one of those morning funnies..


----------



## loopytheone

I always read BHM as 'big _hot_ man' rather than 'big handsome man' for some reason. Like, literally, all the time, even though I know that's not what it means.

I think it's like a freudian slip of the brain. I just can't help interjecting my appreciation of your hotness into conversation! :doh:


----------



## Cobra Verde




----------



## x0emnem0x

Jon and I just saw Doctor Strange. It was a great movie, lots of laughs!


----------



## dwesterny

This made me laugh. 

View attachment 14716286_1551800114846123_712114558701072146_n.jpg


----------



## dwesterny

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/07/17/at-666-this-devilish-new-burger-is-also-the-worlds-most-expensive/&ved=0ahUKEwjKvanm84_QAhVC2mMKHdEaD_0QFggoMAE&usg=AFQjCNGgEGB60c0DnOw3sVAmGqgkudG67w&sig2=0jE4u5_qkamnGfnv2Z7PSA



> At $666, The World’s Most Expensive Burger Is Served with a Side of Shame
> For the few who truly want to put their money where their mouth is, behold the "Douche Burger."





> Franz Aliquo, the truck’s owner, deconstructed the burger with stunning eloquence. “It consists of “a fucking burger filled and topped with rich people shit,”


----------



## loopytheone

Somebody just called me a pissant. As much as I know that is in insult, I can't help being amused by the word.


----------



## Cobra Verde

In my defense, you knew there would be consequences when you said Coke was better than Pepsi...


----------



## rabbitislove

Being vegan and a non feeder and winning 1.5 lbs of fudge at a fundraiser type thing on Saturday. I never win anything and when I do...


----------



## dwesterny

rabbitislove said:


> Being vegan and a non feeder and winning 1.5 lbs of fudge at a fundraiser type thing on Saturday. I never win anything and when I do...



Fudge is made of meat? I'm so confused!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Fudge usually has eggs, vegans don't eat egg.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Fudge usually has eggs, vegans don't eat egg.



You're an egg.

Important question; Can vegans swallow?


----------



## rabbitislove

dwesterny said:


> You're an egg.
> 
> Important question; Can vegans swallow?



Me whenever I get asked that question.....

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtXF2j5JAds"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtXF2j5JAds[/ame]


----------



## loopytheone

rabbitislove said:


> Me whenever I get asked that question.....



'But you'll put one type of meat in your mouth, right?' is probably the variation of this I hear most often! 

Also, lol, no I wont.


----------



## Anjula

rabbitislove said:


> Me whenever I get asked that question.....
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtXF2j5JAds



I love you so much hahah


----------



## LeoGibson

Allow me to stir the pot if you will. Why vegan? I understand the health benefits for some people with a vegetarian diet or even better for many a lacto-ovo, or even lacto-pesco vegetarianism but what is the reasoning for going quite so hardcore?


----------



## dwesterny

I think most vegans go that route for ethical reasons. Although there is also the "heart attack proof diet".

According vegans human milk and semen are both acceptable to eat if they are given consensually. I researched it, vegan chicks can swallow.


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> I think most vegans go that route for ethical reasons. Although there is also the "heart attack proof diet".
> 
> According vegans human milk and* semen are both acceptable to eat if they are given consensually.* I researched it, vegan chicks can swallow.



What, are there cases of people eating it without the producer's consent?  

Actually, you know what, nobody answer that. I don't even want to know.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I have vegan friends but tbh i rarely go out to eat with them. It's such a chore it makes hanging out difficult, so we just chose to do other things.

Veganism only bothers me when the person either feels entited to lecture you OR they eat things with egg or other animal products and don't know. Went out to eat with one friend at an italian place and she ordered pasta. I was like...it has egg in it. The waiter didn't even know until the chef came out and was like no duh it has egg lol. Or another friend ate jello. I was like ummmmmmm lol

I seem to be going towards not eating meat (but lots of milks and cheeses) because the meat protein doesn't agree with me. Hubby says if we win the lottery we are going to Sweden to have them test me in every way possible to figure out what gut bacteria i am missing =p

And the reason that made me laugh is that in cyberpunk that is where everyone goes for the crazy cybernetic surgeries, because you lose the least humanity!


----------



## LeoGibson

dwesterny said:


> I think most vegans go that route for ethical reasons. Although there is also the "heart attack proof diet".
> 
> According vegans human milk and semen are both acceptable to eat if they are given consensually. I researched it, vegan chicks can swallow.



Let me preface this by saying it's not meant to be argumentative. It really is a question from ignorance and a request for information. But what is unethical about milk and eggs? A hen is going to lay an egg whether there is a rooster around to fertilize it or not and with no rooster that laid egg will never ever become a chicken. So why let that excellent source of nutrition rot and go to waste? Also, milk is renewable and sustainable and doesn't harm the cow outside of perhaps some discomfort during the milking process and once again it's an excellent source of nutrition.

ETA: The fact that both of those sources of food are completely sustainable and neither animal or any other connected to them have to suffer or die to produce the food make those two things probably some of the most ethical things one could eat from my point of view.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Most commercial farming operations breed the cow, then slaughter the baby for veal, so the cow produces milk and the baby doesn't drink it all. Then the cow dries up, rinse and repeat.

And most commercial chicken operations are pretty nasty about how they treat the chickens. Chickens are violent with each other jn closed spaces so they remove their fingers and beaks in some places.

Now, there can be success with non commercial operations, but not in the volume the US consumes.

We try and buy from farms that let the animals live comfortably...and when theg die it's just one bad day, not a lifetime of suffering.


----------



## dwesterny

I love eggs, cheese and meat but the farming industry is pretty cruel. It's also unhealthy, the reason game red meat like venison, buffalo etc... Is low in fat compared to beef is that modern cows were selectively bred to be fat. 



> Chick culling is the process of killing newly hatched poultry for which the industry has no use. Due to modern selective breeding, laying hen strains differ from meat production strains. As male birds of the laying strain do not lay eggs, they are generally killed soon after they hatch[1] and shortly after being sexed. Methods of culling include cervical dislocation, asphyxiation by carbon dioxide and maceration using a high speed grinder.[


 Wikipedia


----------



## LeoGibson

All of that is true. But you don't have to go the factory farm route.Yes, it is a little bit more expensive. But not so much that you can't still do it if that's how you feel.


----------



## dwesterny

Honestly, I think rigorously sticking to those requirements for being truly cruelty free would be way more work than just not eating the stuff. Depends on how rural the area you live in is I guess, how accessible this stuff is. Last time I took a trip out to the country every 3rd place seemed to be selling eggs from the chickens they had running around.


----------



## LeoGibson

Well in truth, unless you make that effort nothing is cruelty free. Unless your using your own garden or have a local farm that painstakingly does things by hand in small batches you're going to directly contribute to the death of sentient creatures. Have you ever seen the amount of buzzards that circle fields where crops have just been plowed, planted, or harvested? They're not there for the leftover grains. They're there for the multitude of rodents, snakes, ground nesting birds, fawns, possums, coons, etc. that are killed by the machinery that does the work. Not to mention the indirect deaths from taking of natural habitat for farming, runoff into streams, or trucking it long distance and everything that goes along with that. The truth is unless you can figure out a way to live on air and water alone then unfortunately something has to die for humans to live. It is up to us to try an find a way to do that as peacefully, ethically, and sustainably as possible.


----------



## loopytheone

I was going to say about how awful egg and milk farms can be. I actually did a fair bit of study into them as part of my degree (for a bioethics course, in fact!) and yeah, the animals involved in mass-producing these products aren't treated well. Not to mention the breeding involved often results in things like chickens that can't walk due to broken legs as they are bred to use all their calcium in the egg shells and not in their bones. Not something I like to support if possible.

That said, I do eat eggs and dairy in small amounts, mostly because it is so difficult for me to eat a balanced diet due to other dietary restrictions and trying to restrict it even further just makes me ill. Also, I struggle very much with having the energy to eat and a lot of easy-to-eat foods involve dairy/eggs. 

As for being vegetarian, I've been vegetarian since I was 5 and have had a fair amount of meat eaters verbally attack me over this choice, which is ironic given how much people complain about vegetarians/vegans judging others. I've had several people get genuinely angry with me for not wanting to eat meat, even though I have no problem whatsoever with other people eating it (my family 'tradition' is working as butchers). 

The only situation in which I would get angry with somebody is if they thought it was 'funny' to trick me into eating meat without me knowing it. That isn't funny, at all, it's incredibly disrespectful to a person's beliefs and there's no two ways about it, if somebody (family, friend or acquantice) did this to me I would never speak to them again. But that's more of a trust issue than anything.


----------



## dwesterny

I'm not certain I would compare animals being accidentally hit by farm equipment to tossing every male laying hen into a macerator an instant after birth. We should continue this argument over steaks later.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Tricking anyone about food is NOT ok! No matter what you eat food is sacred!!


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Tricking anyone about food is NOT ok! No matter what you eat food is sacred!!



Totally agree.
[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfR1TwosYQg&app=desktop"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfR1TwosYQg&app=desktop[/ame]


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

loopytheone said:


> As for being vegetarian, I've been vegetarian since I was 5 and have had a fair amount of meat eaters verbally attack me over this choice, which is ironic given how much people complain about vegetarians/vegans judging others.



I usually don't tell people I'm a vegetarian unless they invite me over for dinner, because the carnivores so often want to evangelize me. I can't recall ever meeting a vegetarian or vegan who considered it their business what other people eat.


----------



## LeoGibson

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I usually don't tell people I'm a vegetarian unless they invite me over for dinner, because the carnivores so often want to evangelize me. * I can't recall ever meeting a vegetarian or vegan who considered it their business what other people eat.*



Then either you don't get out much or me and you have had wildly different experiences.


----------



## dwesterny

I had to unfollow my cousin on facebook. She meant well but literally a dozen fucking posts a day about how superior veganism was, how cruel meat was and pictures of the fake shit she cooked.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I think vegetarianism and vaganism is like religion; it is those that come to it later in life that tend to go on and on and preach about it. For others, its just the way they were raised, and they only politely ask if i think the steak place might have a veggie option


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

dwesterny said:


> I had to unfollow my cousin on facebook. She meant well but literally a dozen fucking posts a day about how superior veganism was, how cruel meat was and pictures of the fake shit she cooked.





Don't forget about those annoying dog people on fb too.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> vaganism



You are a troll, I would try a vaginist diet though.



Xyantha Reborn said:


> Don't forget about those annoying dog people on fb too.


Nah, i just like to mock them.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Bahaha oops spelling fail


----------



## fat hiker

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Fudge usually has eggs, vegans don't eat egg.



Blasphemy!!! 

Real fudge is not made with eggs!!! 

Just milk and sugar and chocolate.... or other flavouring!!




Though the milk may be a problem for vegans.



Truly, though, whoever puts eggs in fudge??


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Me 

It takes away from the grainy consistancy that I dislike, adds structure, and a huge amount of moisture.

Traditional grainy fudge texture grosses me out; it tastes like I am eating dough that fell on the floor and the chef was like "meh" and just rolled the dust in


----------



## Tad

Hmmm, now you all have me wanting to make fudge. Haven't made it in years because wife is not a fudge fan so I feel a bit selfish putting that much cooking time (and ingredients) into something that she won't share. I don't think my ancestral fudge recipe involves any eggs, but nor do I think it is grainy or doughy .... although it is highly dependent on boiling it until just the right point (when you drip some into a glass of cold water and push it together it should for a smooth, round, ball. If it is still loose it needs longer), and beating it until your arms are about ready to fall off (else it won't stay softer and creamier, and will be more, idk, crystallized maybe? Harder for sure).

Then again, come to think of it, I don't really like most any bought fudge that I've had -- maybe they take shortcuts to allow quicker, higher volume, production? The few exceptions have been at bake sales and the like.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I scent a bakeoff.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I scent a bakeoff.



As Julia Child used to say, "If you can smell it, it's done." Appoint yourself judge.


----------



## Jeannie

My favorite. So easy! No eggs, but it does have a can of very thick, sugary milk. Rocky Road Fudge. :eat2:

http:// https://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/18459/super-easy-rocky-road-fudge


----------



## Anjula

Jeannie said:


> My favorite. So easy! No eggs, but it does have a can of very thick, sugary milk. Rocky Road Fudge. :eat2:
> 
> http:// https://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/18459/super-easy-rocky-road-fudge





Oh my! Looks yum &#55357;&#56389; I've also made fudge today, but I used a can of delicious coconut milk instead because well, dairy is scary &#55357;&#56860;


----------



## Tad

We've started using coconut milk in a lot of our cooking, because my wife has issues with dairy and I have issues with soy .... and (aside from the bit about coconut milk not having a lot of nutrition in it) the results have been universally good so far. Everything from baking to thai curry to chocolate pudding has come out great.


----------



## Jeannie

Anjula said:


> Oh my! Looks yum &#65533;&#65533; I've also made fudge today, but I used a can of delicious coconut milk instead because well, dairy is scary &#65533;&#65533;



Ahhh! Sounds good! Dairy IS scary. I try to avoid it except for special occasions - like craving some Braum's ice cream! (Oklahoma reference) 
I have some full fat cans of coconut milk that may be rich enough for the fudge recipe. I'll give it a try.

But, for any coffee drinkers who want to gain a few pounds, (and who doesn't? ), sweetened condensed milk in coffee is freaking amazing! Seriously, go buy some today and put it in your belly, STAT!!! :eat2: Report back. Extra credit for including photographic evidence! :happy:


----------



## Cobra Verde

Tad said:


> Hmmm, now you all have me wanting to make fudge.


 


Xyantha Reborn said:


> I scent a bakeoff.


 


Dr. Feelgood said:


> As Julia Child used to say, "If you can smell it, it's done."


 


Anjula said:


> I've also made fudge today


----------



## Melian

^ LOL. *dying*


----------



## lucca23v2

Pretty soon the Canadian border is going to look like a size small button shirt on a xxxl man/woman...lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## lille

Tad said:


> We've started using coconut milk in a lot of our cooking, because my wife has issues with dairy and I have issues with soy .... and (aside from the bit about coconut milk not having a lot of nutrition in it) the results have been universally good so far. Everything from baking to thai curry to chocolate pudding has come out great.




What on earth were you putting in curry other than coconut milk?


----------



## Tad

lille said:


> What on earth were you putting in curry other than coconut milk?



derp!

I was just thinking of things we'd recently used it in, without the 'that we normally would have used dairy in" filter applied.

Substitute cream soups for Thai curry and the sentence makes more sense.

And by "we" I mostly mean my wife cooks it and I enjoy eating it. I hate living that stereotype, but it is the case.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

lille said:


> What on earth were you putting in curry other than coconut milk?



Most of my indian friends would give you a funny look for putting coconut milk in curry. Depending on the region of the cooking it would be cream/yogurt/ghee based.

Edit: nvm you said thai curry, that isn't a real curry lol


----------



## fat hiker

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Me
> 
> It takes away from the grainy consistancy that I dislike, adds structure, and a huge amount of moisture.
> 
> Traditional grainy fudge texture grosses me out; it tastes like I am eating dough that fell on the floor and the chef was like "meh" and just rolled the dust in




Wow.

Traditional grainy consistancy? Not traditional where I come from, but a sign that you didn't make your fudge correctly. And fudge is a big thing in the rural Maritimes where I come from.

However, if it works for you...

If you're near Ottawa, and want to try some fabulous, absolutely not grainy fudge, with great flavours and no eggs, drop in here:
http://www.pennysfudgefactory.ca/


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

If i am in the area I will!!!

I have to admit, i am not a recipe purist. People become unreasonably committed to recipes made only one way - for no reason, in most cases. I cook with the goal of good texture and taste, which often leads to substitutions or additions.

I make my dogs tuna fudge and i tripled the number of eggs, tweaked rhe flour, and substituted whipped raw beef liver. I have random dogs molest me for it. I've had some people turn up their noses at the modifcations...but the taste speaks for itself 

I never make pork anymore without pre soaking it overnight in plain yogurt, and all my brownies now contain natutal yogurt (natural yogurt id more like sour cream than store bought yogurts).

Edit: tuns fudge is not real fudge


----------



## Cobra Verde

"Welcome to our newest member, discount viagra" just about says it all, no?


----------



## loopytheone

Cobra Verde said:


> "Welcome to our newest member, discount viagra" just about says it all, no?



I feel the need to point out that the newest member is the newest person to fill out the registration form and not the newest person to actually be approved as a member. I go round and sort through everyone who fills out the form every day and I tend to notice that people like 'discount viagra' aren't real people.


----------



## MrSensible

"The best way to avoid allergy symptoms is to avoid foods to which you are allergic." ~ _An actual college textbook I'm reading_


----------



## ODFFA

MrSensible said:


> "The best way to avoid allergy symptoms is to avoid foods to which you are allergic." ~ _An actual college textbook I'm reading_



You've been persevering like a boss throughout this ridiculous weekend :bow: :kiss2:


----------



## DianaSSBBW

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I never make pork anymore without pre soaking it overnight in plain yogurt, and all my brownies now contain natutal yogurt (natural yogurt id more like sour cream than store bought yogurts).
> 
> Edit: tuns fudge is not real fudge



Just wondering....why do you pre-soak pork in plain yogurt?


----------



## x0emnem0x

https://www.reddit.com/r/instant_regret/comments/5cpvau/doing_a_flip/


----------



## dwesterny

I was going to get a goose to cook for American Thanksgiving (aka real Thanksgiving) but when I started looking a freaking goose costs $170-$250. For a dead one. I mean fuck, a duck only costs $25-$40. Looks like we're having duck.


----------



## lucca23v2

The fire alarm goes off in the office building... after 3 minutes there is a message over the loud speaker. "We are looking into the situation regarding the alarm on the 39th floor, please wait for further instructions" BUT.. this office buikding only has 37 floors... this is hilarious and a bit worrisome to me.. because it is the fire safety guy making the announcement. How can you be the person in charge of fires safety and not know that there are only 37 floors in this office building?

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## Tad

Wes: I love duck, but be warned if you haven't done duck before: not so much meat per pound of bird compared to chicken/turkey etc. 

Lucca: They didn't want anyone to panic from thinking the fire was on their floor, and hoped that you all hadn't noticed the highest number in the elevator?

My laugh of the day: I have a ratty old hoodie that I tend to wear around the house in the cool weather, and it happened that this morning it was just about the right temperature for it to be perfectly comfortable for wearing outside too, and being Monday and all I decided I'd just wear it for my walk to work, instead of a windbreaker, and take it off before I went into the office. As I entered the building a woman I didn't know was approaching, so I held the door for her, then headed up the stairs ... got upstairs and she had just come out of the elevator and was going into our offices. Turned out she is a new co-worker who I'll be interacting with a fair bit. Good job on the first impressions there, me!


----------



## loopytheone

I don't know if this made me laugh or die of embarrassment, but apparently the last time I went to see my 350 lb BHM friend I got caught staring at his belly. By the barmaid at the hotel. Apparently he went to get a drink and she told him she had seen me peeping at his belly when he was sitting next to me. Subtlety, what's that? :doh:


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

DianaSSBBW said:


> Just wondering....why do you pre-soak pork in plain yogurt?



Pork stiffens and gets dry very easily. Coating it overnight in plain yogurt makes it as tender as a beef tenderloin.

Somethingsomething science acid breaks down something something..

---

Loops did the barmaid get it was you checking him out?


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Loops did the barmaid get it was you checking him out?



She seemed to, yes! Apparently she was saying it is a teasing/playful 'I think she likes you' kind of way. 

I am apparently as subtle as a brick.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Tad said:


> My laugh of the day: I have a ratty old hoodie that I tend to wear around the house in the cool weather, and it happened that this morning it was just about the right temperature for it to be perfectly comfortable for wearing outside too, and being Monday and all I decided I'd just wear it for my walk to work, instead of a windbreaker, and take it off before I went into the office. As I entered the building a woman I didn't know was approaching, so I held the door for her, then headed up the stairs ... got upstairs and she had just come out of the elevator and was going into our offices. Turned out she is a new co-worker who I'll be interacting with a fair bit. Good job on the first impressions there, me!



Look on the bright side: at least she didn't press a coin into your hand and say, "There you are, my good man; do not spend it on drink."


----------



## dwesterny

*The Continuing Saga of Dwest's Knee Brace:*
Walking out of work today my knee brace slipped off my knee and down to my foot, I wasn't able to drop trough and fix this so I just walked on figuring to ignore it and just take it off at my car. As a result under the cuff of my pants leg a couple of inches of black strap around my ankle (where the brace slipped down to) was visible. I'm pretty sure the woman on the elevator saw it and thought I was wearing an ankle monitor (the things people on house arrest wear). After we got off the elevator instead of walking to the parking lot she stood and waited, when I asked if she needed directions (people in the building often do) she uncomfortably said no she was just waiting. After I got to my car I saw her walk out of the building to the lot. I'm pretty sure she assumed I was some type of criminal out of house arrest for a medical visit (I work in a hospital but wear casual clothing). So... Yeah...

I guess this didn't make me lol so much as feel awkward as fuck and such.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

D'aww. I am sure your sinister face and long hair had naught to do with it


----------



## Tad

Look on the bright side, Wes -- you maybe gave someone a story to tell friends and family for weeks to come ;-)

But on the other hand, presumably coming out of a hospital once could have various devices attached to them, so if she jumped to thinking ankle monitor then I'd say she was a little paranoid. 

But even if she didn't, she could just be easily intimidated by large guys she doesn't know, at a guess your express and gait might both have been a bit off from what was going on which could have added intimidation factor. Or she could be a raging anti-fat bigot who was afraid to catch the fats from breathing the same air as you. Or she is a closet FFA who was really freaked out by being so close to you and was trying to avoid further distraction. Or, or, or, ....

Mind you, I _like _your explanation best.


----------



## x0emnem0x




----------



## agouderia

Currently simplistic, hateful jokes make up a clear majority. 
So a real laugh about good irony is all the more appreciated. 

View attachment m-ob-im.jpg


----------



## Tad

That is awesome!

(and I think this is why the Biden-meme pics have been suddenly so popular, so many of us need something a bit lighter right now)


----------



## ODFFA

It's vaguely possible that I might have posted this somewhere on Dims before. It's unrelated to politics... or maybe it's related indirectly, in a "Make America smart again" kind of way. Neil deGrasse Tyson's words, not mine. (NSFW alert)

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OonDPGwAyfQ[/ame]


----------



## dwesterny

I am so glad Amazon has this, I need it. 

View attachment Screenshot_2016-11-17-10-22-09.jpg


----------



## agouderia

Okay - yesterday had me wondering why someone might need a fake passport from Kyrgyzstan..... but what on earth does one need 1 gallon of pure coyote urin for???   

Anybody with superior prairie knowledge here???


----------



## dwesterny

agouderia said:


> Okay - yesterday had me wondering why someone might need a fake passport from Kyrgyzstan..... but what on earth does one need 1 gallon of pure coyote urin for???
> 
> Anybody with superior prairie knowledge here???



Something to do with hunting and/or keeping away small animals I think. I found something even better for sale. 

View attachment Screenshot_2016-11-17-12-32-05.jpg


----------



## loopytheone

This appears to be enough lube to completely coat your BHM from top to toe. Just saying.


----------



## Tad

loopytheone said:


> This appears to be enough lube to completely coat your BHM from top to toe. Just saying.



I love FFA; always the clearest focus!


----------



## Melian

dwesterny said:


> Something to do with hunting and/or keeping away small animals I think. I found something even better for sale.



They use those for lube wrestling at small events. Don't ask how I know.


----------



## agouderia

Melian said:


> They use those for lube wrestling at small events. Don't ask how I know.



This has got to be a joke......


----------



## Tad

agouderia said:


> This has got to be a joke......



I had kind of the opposite reaction, more like "Of course, how could I not have guessed that? :doh: " Because really, what else would you do with that?


----------



## Melian

Definitely not a joke. How else would you fill a little pool with lube on a budget?


----------



## agouderia

Are there any wrestling perks from it being coyote urine???


----------



## LeoGibson

I think you have the two mixed up. The 55 gallon drum of lube is for wrestling. The urine is either to attract more coyotes so you can kill them (they are a pestilence in certain areas) or to keep other animals out of your marked area.


----------



## DianaSSBBW

I think you all are on to something!! 

Maybe we need a Thread...

You are not going to believe what I found on Amazon?!

I thought those pools were full of JELLO!!


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

agouderia said:


> Okay - yesterday had me wondering why someone might need a fake passport from Kyrgyzstan..... but what on earth does one need 1 gallon of pure coyote urin for???



Dwest had it right: if the deer and/or rabbits are getting more produce from your garden than you are, sprinkle a little coyote pee around the boundaries to make them back off. For those who want to play hardball, I believe that mountain lion wee is also available. I'm not sure how they get it, but I think I'd prefer working in a call center.


----------



## agouderia

LeoGibson said:


> I think you have the two mixed up. The 55 gallon drum of lube is for wrestling. The urine is either to attract more coyotes so you can kill them (they are a pestilence in certain areas) or to keep other animals out of your marked area.



That's what I thought too until Melian wrote the reference quoting dwes coyote urine use info.

... also confirmed my worst city-girl-civilization suspicions/prejudices about the mores of the Canadian wilderness ....


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Me and my coworker started singing THIS version on our break

https://youtu.be/yJ-jvEd0pDw


----------



## Melian

agouderia said:


> That's what I thought too until Melian wrote the reference quoting dwes coyote urine use info.
> 
> ... also confirmed my worst city-girl-civilization suspicions/prejudices about the mores of the Canadian wilderness ....



LOL. My mistake - clicked on the wrong quotation! Although, I'm sure a urine wrestling match has happened somewhere.


----------



## LeoGibson

Melian said:


> LOL. My mistake - clicked on the wrong quotation! Although, I'm sure a urine wrestling match has happened somewhere.



In my defense, it didn't start out as a urine wrestling match.


----------



## agouderia

Melian said:


> LOL. My mistake - clicked on the wrong quotation! Although, I'm sure a urine wrestling match has happened somewhere.



I 'm almost disappointed there's such a harmless explanation ....


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

agouderia said:


> I 'm almost disappointed there's such a harmless explanation ....




Nothing about Mel is harmless


----------



## tankyguy

Urine wrestling is not the kind of pissing contest I anticipated.


----------



## Melian

LeoGibson said:


> In my defense, it didn't start out as a urine wrestling match.





agouderia said:


> I 'm almost disappointed there's such a harmless explanation ....





Xyantha Reborn said:


> Nothing about Mel is harmless





tankyguy said:


> Urine wrestling is not the kind of pissing contest I anticipated.



Alright....if this is how it has to be. Throw down, Piss-Wrestlemania, 2017. Me vs LeoGibson. IT'S ON.

You bring the piss, I'll bring the awesome.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Melian said:


> Alright....if this is how it has to be. Throw down, Piss-Wrestlemania, 2017. Me vs LeoGibson. IT'S ON.
> 
> You bring the piss, I'll bring the awesome.



Why not just get a keg of beer and make our own?


----------



## LeoGibson

Melian said:


> Alright....if this is how it has to be. Throw down, Piss-Wrestlemania, 2017. Me vs LeoGibson. IT'S ON.
> 
> You bring the piss, I'll bring the awesome.



Piss-A-Mania I 

It's on brother!! Winner shotguns a beer and pees into mouth of the loser. Win-win all the way around no?


----------



## agouderia

Somehow I get the feeling I'm guilty of this getting out of hand ..... (...throwns in 3 bags of kitty litter to contain the damage....) 

View attachment Natural-Litter-Box-Tips.jpg


----------



## dwesterny

agouderia said:


> Somehow I get the feeling I'm guilty of this getting out of hand .....



Urine trouble now.


----------



## agouderia

dwesterny said:


> Urine trouble now.



That pun is soooo awful - my father could've come up with it .... LMAO


----------



## loopytheone

agouderia said:


> That pun is soooo awful - my father could've come up with it .... LMAO



Dwes = forum dad


----------



## Tad

agouderia said:


> Somehow I get the feeling I'm guilty of this getting out of hand ..... (...throwns in 3 bags of kitty litter to contain the damage....)



I should grab the extra ... our cat isn't super old, but she has problems with one back leg which seems to have made her uncomfortable with her litter boxes. She pees against the edge while standing tall, which usually means some goes over the edge (because she was having trouble maneuvering in an enclosed box, with her leg, we took the top off, so just have the low wall to contain things). Also very on and off about whether she poops in a box or not  

We are cleaning her boxes as soon as she uses them now, so she can't complain about that, but wondering if the smell lingers enough that she isn't sure that she won't hit a spot she has used, and if we need to clean out the litter more frequently -- hence the thoughts of stealing all the cat litter.


----------



## Leem

Today I saw two kids walking and texting at the same time, as well as having headphones on, so they couldn't hear each other, they ran head first into each other fell on their butts and one of them kept on texting before she got up. Me and my friend almost fell over laughing.


----------



## loopytheone

One of the kids from the farm wanted to battle pokemon with me.

We did doubles and triple battles, which I won. He then made the mistake of saying that he could kick my ass at singles.

I ended up winning every single battle, ending with me winning the final battle 6-0. Get rekt bro.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Did you distract him by much excited jumping and chest jiggling!?

'Cuz thats fair tactics


----------



## Tad

loopytheone said:


> One of the kids from the farm wanted to battle pokemon with me.
> 
> We did doubles and triple battles, which I won. He then made the mistake of saying that he could kick my ass at singles.
> 
> I ended up winning every single battle, ending with me winning the final battle 6-0. Get rekt bro.



Ah, when testosterone meets reality


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Did you distract him by much excited jumping and chest jiggling!?
> 
> 'Cuz thats fair tactics



Hahaha, no, we battled over the internet as he's at his house the other side of the city from me! Though given that the kid in question is one of the late-teen boys that seems to have a soft spot for me, I expect that would work very well if I did try it!


----------



## loopytheone

Last night I was talking about ponies to my other half and jokingly called him a pony and ended up uttering the phrase 'I'd very happily ride you' and making him choke on his drink!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

loopytheone said:


> Last night I was talking about ponies to my other half and jokingly called him a pony and ended up uttering the phrase 'I'd very happily ride you' and making him choke on his drink!




[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbnoG2dsUk0[/ame]


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Watching people ride cows.


----------



## Tad

I forgot to post this yesterday: the Dilbert strip for the 24th caught how I was feeling about work just about perfectly. 

http://dilbert.com/strip/2016-11-24

(today is better, thankfully)


----------



## Tad

I forgot to post this yesterday: the Dilbert strip for the 24th caught how I was feeling about work just about perfectly. 

http://dilbert.com/strip/2016-11-24

(today is better, thankfully)


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Was it wrong for me to chortle at the plight of the baby duck? 

View attachment 15232264_1204405366261362_4918234269533752225_n.jpg


View attachment 15203384_1204357969599435_67291489680303746_n.jpg


----------



## Am Jim

Tad said:


> I forgot to post this yesterday: the Dilbert strip for the 24th caught how I was feeling about work just about perfectly.
> 
> http://dilbert.com/strip/2016-11-24
> 
> (today is better, thankfully)



That was great, thx for posting it!


----------



## djudex

At first I was  and then I was 

http://i.imgur.com/yVHdMDq.gifv


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I want to do a steampunk living room, and there is this deepest plum colour i like (dark purple).

Hubby says "not blue!" And i was like...it's frickin purple!!

Colour is such a funny thing, people think they see it the same way but often don't!

Also, ordered a pair of solid brass flintlock pistols decorations to hang on the wall. It's going steampunk whether he likes it or not!


----------



## Tad

1) So true about colour. Wife and I have had conversations like this.

2) That sounds awesome!

3) I am completely unable to visualize how a room will look when done, based on bits of colour or descriptions or the like. Wife has literally taken cardboard boxes and made dioramas of rooms to persuade me that her ideas were sound (and of course they always are). That said I'll still offer my 2 cents worth without having even seen the colour  .... a whole room in that colour sounds like it could be quite dark? Could you compromise with hubbie to use it on one wall or in trim or something, so it doesn't overwhelm?


----------



## Tad

1) So true about colour. Wife and I have had conversations like this.

2) That sounds awesome!

3) I am completely unable to visualize how a room will look when done, based on bits of colour or descriptions or the like. Wife has literally taken cardboard boxes and made dioramas of rooms to persuade me that her ideas were sound (and of course they always are). That said I'll still offer my 2 cents worth without having even seen the colour  .... a whole room in that colour sounds like it could be quite dark? Could you compromise with hubbie to use it on one wall or in trim or something, so it doesn't overwhelm?


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I want to do a steampunk living room, and there is this deepest plum colour i like (dark purple).



A steampunk living room would be a marvel worth seeing! There's a video on Youtube of a gentleman who constructed an entire steampunk house; perhaps it will inspire you.

I have to side with Tad, though, on the color scheme: when I was courting my ex-wife, she painted her entire dorm room avocado green. The paint absorbed every photon of light in the room. Also, dark colors make a room appear smaller, and hers shrank to the apparent size of a green coffin.


----------



## rabbitislove

djudex said:


> At first I was  and then I was
> 
> http://i.imgur.com/yVHdMDq.gifv



Both those people are amazing. I love her butt dance and his head nod


----------



## CleverBomb

Dr. Feelgood said:


> A steampunk living room would be a marvel worth seeing! There's a video on Youtube of a gentleman who constructed an entire steampunk house; perhaps it will inspire you.
> 
> I have to side with Tad, though, on the color scheme: when I was courting my ex-wife, she painted her entire dorm room avocado green. The paint absorbed every photon of light in the room. Also, dark colors make a room appear smaller, and hers shrank to the apparent size of a green coffin.


Please tell me there weren't Harvest Gold accents.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I am sure we will come to a compromise!

Meanwhile...this happened today. If they prove sturdy we shall proceed!! 

View attachment image.jpg


----------



## Tad

Cogito ergo sum ..... That meant "I cog, therefore I am", right?


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Tad said:


> Cogito ergo sum ..... That meant "I cog, therefore I am", right?



Either that or "I cog, therefore I add."


----------



## Tad

We are having a good snowfall this morning. Amidst all the mail from people saying they were working from home or going to be in late because traffic was barely moving, someone sent along this classic image. 

View attachment summer-tires.png


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

No snow in TO yet. Its balmy here still...


----------



## AmandaLynn

Xyantha Reborn said:


> No snow in TO yet. Its balmy here still...



I am patiently waiting for my first New York winter.


----------



## Leem

We usually don't get a lot here until Jan-February. I love the snow. I love walking in it late at night when it muffles the sounds of the city, and waking up to a new snow fall when everything looks clean and sparkly.


----------



## fat hiker

Tad said:


> We are having a good snowfall this morning. Amidst all the mail from people saying they were working from home or going to be in late because traffic was barely moving, someone sent along this classic image.



Sunny today, -5C/23F; with the 10cm/4 inches of snow down, it looks quite pretty. 

More snow for tomorrow.

In terms of images, of course, this one is rather classically Canadian:
http://www.ottawacitizen.com/video+...ooter+blizzard+goes+viral/12481928/story.html

I had a classmate in agricultural college who rode his Honda motorcycle home every weekend all winter long, back in the 1980s!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I had to do a skype/conference call training session of over 300 employees.

After 30 min your mouth and brain just kind of merge into one and you end up saying sentences that are 98% correct but like 2% not grammatically correct as your brain meanders

Edit: funny part is your brain goes WRONG but you can't stop or its wven more distracting for the audience!


----------



## Cobra Verde

From Leo, uh, _declining_ someone's offer to moderate in a tragically-deleted post to you-know-who being outraged that he isn't allowed to troll a political thread in the LGBT forum ("But _they're _doing it! It's not faaaiiiir!! *footstomp*") the Board Business forum is a hearty source of LOLs.


Also, with Hyde Park posts hidden from searches if you now check the posting history of certain regulars you'll see that they basically never leave there. I feel about them the same as I do about flies that swarm all over shit: it's a miracle they aren't self-aware.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Was getting on the elevator and my coworker was talking to someone. She asked what I was reading and I absently responded "a trashy romance novel, it is about the only thing i can do in bite sized increments my commute."

When i realized she had gone awkward I added "it's not really trashy, more of the harlequin style."

When we got down to the bottom of the elevator she was like "omg! That was the chief operating officer!"

And i was like, "oh, um, k?"

It makes me laugh how awkward people get. They pull their britches on one leg at a time, same as us. And once that clock strikes five I am my own woman, no longer a paid subordiante!


----------



## dwesterny

This made me chuckle. 

View attachment IMG_20161209_092104.png


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Oh man! Spacing!! Lol


----------



## loopytheone

dwesterny said:


> This made me chuckle.



Bwahaha, I know what I'd order for dinner!


----------



## Tad

I know right? 

By 12 a lot of kids are getting downright gamey, why didn’t they also assure the invitees that the beef was grade B or better and that the chicken was at least utility? Seriously, who advertises how much they cheaped out on the meal?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Better than the goat like flavour they get from 13-18!


----------



## AmandaLynn

dwesterny said:


> This made me chuckle.



No chicken or fish??? what?


----------



## rabbitislove

That invitation makes a rather modest proposal.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Hubby glanced over my shoulder and was like "your story has over 10k views, that's awesome, sweety!"

A) haha aww so cute support from him
B) lol 10k isn't exactly jk rowling
C) lmao i am pretty sure it's only four people who check multiple times every day.!!


----------



## Cobra Verde

Not photoshopped.


----------



## Melian

Everyone's losing their shit over how "cold" it is today (-8C, -16C with wind chill), and I'm just fine. Still remembering the vomit-inducing heat and humidity from the summer, and am welcoming the -20C we've got in store for Friday.


----------



## agouderia

Melian said:


> Everyone's losing their shit over how "cold" it is today (-8C, -16C with wind chill), and I'm just fine. Still remembering the vomit-inducing heat and humidity from the summer, and am welcoming the -20C we've got in store for Friday.



It's true what everybody says. You're an alien descended from a lump of galactic ice masquerading as a planet.
(.... why don't we have a shivering uncontrollably just from reading that post emoticon... )


----------



## Tad

Melian said:


> Everyone's losing their shit over how "cold" it is today (-8C, -16C with wind chill), and I'm just fine. Still remembering the vomit-inducing heat and humidity from the summer, and am welcoming the -20C we've got in store for Friday.



Yes! Give me cold over heat&humidity (or for that matter cold and damp, but not yet below freezing) any day. You can dress for cold, can't dress for heat beyond a certain point. (and you've seen what a sweaty mess I become when I have to hurry through any degree of heat&humidity).



agouderia said:


> It's true what everybody says. You're an alien descended from a lump of galactic ice masquerading as a planet.
> (.... why don't we have a shivering uncontrollably just from reading that post emoticon... )



That she enjoys the cold, tiny thought she is, is perhaps unusual, but preferring the cold over hot and humid isn't THAT uncommon -- especially around a site like this one!


----------



## agouderia

Tad said:


> That she enjoys the cold, tiny thought she is, is perhaps unusual, but preferring the cold over hot and humid isn't THAT uncommon -- especially around a site like this one!



One of the things in life I simply can't understand.
Being the fattest among my circle of friends, I often get the imo stupid question: "Why are you cold? You're not skinny!" 
I've sometimes actually wondered how fat I would need to get to be warm in winter .... if that actually is really related for everybody.



Tad said:


> but preferring the cold over hot and humid



Who says heat has to be humid?
There's nothing better in the world than a sunny, dry 33°C with a warm wind coming over the sea, crawling under my skirt, between my naked legs .... no mortal man is capable of the perfection in the teasing touch of Zephyrus....


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

........................ 

View attachment 15284969_1786092544993665_5726404207932360695_n.jpg


View attachment 15355562_1786311841638402_8059544656249661737_n.jpg


----------



## Leem

Green eyed Fairy I love the dog photo. That's my lol today.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Lol but more in a creepy ahaha akward way...

Bc tapatalk is publishing dims conversations lol

(Meaning you can find some of our stuff posted on tapatalk site)


----------



## loopytheone

agouderia said:


> One of the things in life I simply can't understand.
> Being the fattest among my circle of friends, I often get the imo stupid question: "Why are you cold? You're not skinny!"
> I've sometimes actually wondered how fat I would need to get to be warm in winter .... if that actually is really related for everybody.



I find it totally unrelated. If anything, the expanses of chub furthest away from my core are the bits that end up like ice. I do prefer cold to heat though. I hate the heat. 



agouderia said:


> *Who says heat has to be humid?*
> There's nothing better in the world than a sunny, dry 33°C with a warm wind coming over the sea, crawling under my skirt, between my naked legs .... no mortal man is capable of the perfection in the teasing touch of Zephyrus....



Everybody in the british isles ever.  Seriously, I don't think I've ever experienced a dry heat and the heat and humidity in summer here is overwhelming. 

Also, omg, stop posting your porn here, Agouderia!


----------



## Melian

agouderia said:


> It's true what everybody says. You're an alien descended from a lump of galactic ice masquerading as a planet.
> (.... why don't we have a shivering uncontrollably just from reading that post emoticon... )



Hee hee. It's -20C today! :wubu:



Tad said:


> Yes! Give me cold over heat&humidity (or for that matter cold and damp, but not yet below freezing) any day. You can dress for cold, can't dress for heat beyond a certain point. (and you've seen what a sweaty mess I become when I have to hurry through any degree of heat&humidity).



Yeah, we were both suffering that day, and I was barely wearing anything. Like you said, you can layer all you want to deal with the cold, but there's not much you can do when you're soaked in sweat, have no layers left to remove and are still dying.



loopytheone said:


> I find it totally unrelated. If anything, the expanses of chub furthest away from my core are the bits that end up like ice. I do prefer cold to heat though. I hate the heat.



You sound like my bf. He's usually too warm, but has poor circulation, so parts of him are always cold.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Its disgusting out!! Disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Melian

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Its disgusting out!! Disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!



LOL. And now it's snowing really hard. Looks like Hoth out there.


----------



## Tad

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Its disgusting out!! Disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!



What's going on? (Toronto snark redacted)


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Its whiteout conditions during homecommite time


----------



## Tad

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Its whiteout conditions during homecommite time



OK, that is pretty horrific. Glad I redacted the Toronto snark


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I'll just put on my hipster glasses and drink an IPA


----------



## AmandaLynn

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I'll just put on my hipster glasses and drink an IPA



Please be careful, too much of that IPA will give you a beer belly. I know from experience.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Ironic that McDonalds and Lay's Potato Chips gave me my beer belly...


----------



## AmandaLynn

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Ironic that McDonalds and Lay's Potato Chips gave me my beer belly...



I can also blame, Five Guys, Big Daddy, Voodoo BBQ, and Checkers for mine. Oh and Taco Bell


----------



## Kristal

Hometown Buffet has helped me to become the woman that I am today :eat1:


----------



## AmandaLynn

Kristal said:


> Hometown Buffet has helped me to become the woman that I am today :eat1:



This is a wonderful testimonial.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

when people type things and you show multiple people like ; "what does this meeeann?!" And no one knows because the words make zero sense, and you wonder; are they drunk? 

Followed by damn i wish i wasn't sober...


----------



## AmandaLynn

Xyantha Reborn said:


> when people type things and you show multiple people like ; "what does this meeeann?!" And no one knows because the words make zero sense, and you wonder; are they drunk?
> 
> Followed by damn i wish i wasn't sober...



It's got to be 5 o'clock somewhere in the world.


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> when people type things and you show multiple people like ; "what does this meeeann?!" And no one knows because the words make zero sense, and you wonder; are they drunk?
> 
> Followed by damn i wish i wasn't sober...



To be fair, asking me what something means is always a bad idea. I spend 95% of my life confused.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Xyantha Reborn said:


> when people type things and you show multiple people like ; "what does this meeeann?!" And no one knows because the words make zero sense, and you wonder; are they drunk?



I used to _love_ getting missives like this! I interpreted them as orders to do whatever I felt like doing. If anyone tried to give me a hard time about it, I would show them the the communique and say, in my most patronizing voice, "As anyone can clearly see, this notice requires me to..."


----------



## loopytheone

A conversation on here regarding British Christmases and the rowdy drinking involved led to me uncovering this incredibly british picture of me drunkenly demanding to wear ALL the hats! 

View attachment hatboss.jpg


----------



## Saxphon

Kristal said:


> Hometown Buffet has helped me to become the woman that I am today :eat1:



I can't speak for elsewhere, but out here in central California, Hometown Buffet is no more .......  ........sad to think. Loved going there and getting my fill. Oh well, time to save some $$$ and then hit up the buffets at the Indian Casinos.


----------



## fat hiker

agouderia said:


> Who says heat has to be humid?
> There's nothing better in the world than a sunny, dry 33°C with a warm wind coming over the sea, crawling under my skirt, between my naked legs .... no mortal man is capable of the perfection in the teasing touch of Zephyrus....



Boy, there are very, very few places in the world that can manage that scenario - usually, if the sea is nearby, the air is humid!


----------



## djudex

Right, who's up for playing?

NSFW - [ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uDS-SM-65A"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uDS-SM-65A[/ame]


----------



## dwesterny

This...... 

View attachment m2ukFTf.jpg


----------



## djudex

https://i.redd.it/wutv60gjf6iy.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Just got called a fat bitch (and it wasn't Dwes!)

This woman almost walked into me and called me a bitch so I smirked and she called me a "fat fucking bitch."

Well, I am a bitch that is into fat fucking soooo i guess i can't take offense lolol


----------



## Tad

djudex said:


> https://i.redd.it/wutv60gjf6iy.jpg



They're the good kind of fat 

==============================

Xy: Lol! But also: some people


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I had an icecream cone in my hand. Clearly obese!!!


----------



## BigChaz

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I had an icecream cone in my hand. Clearly obese!!!



If you start to feel insecure about this whole ordeal, I'll eat the ice cream for you as a favor


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

BigChaz said:


> If you start to feel insecure about this whole ordeal, I'll eat the ice cream for you as a favor



Yass plzz!!!!!!


----------



## Tad

Anyone else feeling like maybe this was all a set-up to get a BHM to eat ice cream for Xy?  (not that I'm objecting, if it was)


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Just got called a fat bitch (and it wasn't Dwes!)
> 
> This woman almost walked into me and called me a bitch so I smirked and she called me a "fat fucking bitch."
> 
> Well, I am a bitch that is into fat fucking soooo i guess i can't take offense lolol



This kinda reminds me something that happened to a friend on facebook a while ago. She disagreed with some random woman about some unrelated topic and got a PM full of abuse from this woman. Including telling her she is going to die of obesity related illnesses and talking about her 'nasty fat gut'.

My friend is literally <90 lbs and constantly trying to gain weight. She thought the whole thing was very funny!


----------



## lucca23v2

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Just got called a fat bitch (and it wasn't Dwes!)
> 
> This woman almost walked into me and called me a bitch so I smirked and she called me a "fat fucking bitch."
> 
> Well, I am a bitch that is into fat fucking soooo i guess i can't take offense lolol


Geez.. if yiu ate a fat bitch.. i must be jabba the hutt...lol

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## BigChaz

lucca23v2 said:


> Geez.. if yiu *ate* a fat bitch.. i must be jabba the hutt...lol
> 
> Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk




That's a different issue


----------



## lucca23v2

BigChaz said:


> That's a different issue


Lol.. yes it would be. 

*what i meant was "if you are a fat bitch I must be jabba the hutt"

Ahhh.. i have missed the ball busting.

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## rabbitislove

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Well, I am a bitch that is into fat fucking soooo i guess i can't take offense lolol



Dont ever let anyone shame you for fat fucking. The only fuck worth having is a fuck with a fat guy. So stay in school and make love to the fatties.

*The more you know Rainbow appears*


----------



## rabbitislove

Tad said:


> They're the good kind of fat



Funny story. I was skyping with Djudex before we met and walked away to cut up an avocado on my microwave dinner:

Me Its all the good vegan fat I need!

Him: "Thats not the only good vegan fat you need!"  

I love my vegan friendly fatty 

(I know I know, barf, especially to Dwes)

(Insert something mean or snarky from Dwes here)


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

NOrth american "white" populations tend to eat a very limited selection of prime cuts. Some areas, however, cater to cultures and ciusines which focus on less desirable cuts, which is where I get my dog food. I raw feed, which means I go for all the cuts, and what I don't feed raw I dehydrate as treats.

I had several asians (pretty sure filipino) looking at me with narrowed eyes until one finally demanded quite incredulously, "you eat that???"

And I couldn't insult them by saying "No, it's for my dogs!" So I had to nod and smile and say yes, i eat beef lung and chicken feet and beef liver and tripe!


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I had several asians (pretty sure filipino) looking at me with narrowed eyes


Phrasing...

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sJRkj9DP9Y"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sJRkj9DP9Y[/ame]


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Only if you are racist, because narrowed eyes refers to the pupil. Racist!


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Only if you are racist, because narrowed eyes refers to the pupil. Racist!



No it doesn't! Narrowed eyes refers to a semi-squint in which the eyelids are closer together. I'm just saying in that context it's an insensitive word choice!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

dwesterny said:


> No it doesn't! Narrowed eyes refers to a semi-squint in which the eyelids are closer together. I'm just saying in that context it's an insensitive word choice!



No. thatt's through slitted eyes.


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> , i eat beef lung and chicken feet and beef liver and tripe!



Also I should point out tripe is very common in Italian cooking, beef liver with onions is universal (especially good for anemia) and chicken feet make the best stock for chicken soup.


----------



## LeoGibson

I'm with Xy on this one. Narrowed eyes conjures up a look of either confusion or suspicion or even incredulity. Especially if paired with pursed lips. Had she said "slanty" eyes or something's to that affect then I think it would be racially insensitive. 

But to Dwes' point, lots of folks eat those things hell, a Mexican abuela would make tacos to die for with those cuts if she had to!!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

dwesterny said:


> Also I should point out tripe is very common in Italian cooking, beef liver with onions is universal (especially good for anemia) and chicken feet make the best stock for chicken soup.



90% of cultures use all the bits; it's just not common to see a "white" person in canada eagerly snatching up hundreds of dollars of those particular cuts and meats. It was just funny to see their disbelief, because I didn't fit in a preconcieved mold. 

And it was also funny to be because they weren't 100% wrong!

I like some of the atypical north american cuts and portions, but some of it I can't tolerate texture wise.


----------



## dwesterny

LeoGibson said:


> I'm with Xy on this one. Narrowed eyes conjures up a look of either confusion or suspicion or even incredulity. Especially if paired with pursed lips. Had she said "slanty" eyes or something's to that affect then I think it would be racially insensitive.
> 
> But to Dwes' point, lots of folks eat those things hell, a Mexican abuela would make tacos to die for with those cuts if she had to!!


My inner SJW is triggered. It's too late. Also I still insist that narrowed eyes is typically used to refer to squinting that goes along with a furrowed brow and does not refer to pupils.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

To me;

Squinting is primarily the lower lid rising, which either shields the pupil from bright light, or narrows the light/surface area of the pupil to see better.

A narrowed gaze is a hard eye, often with a contracted pupil. The muscles in the upper and lower eyelid tighten. This tightening of the muscles doesn't necessarily mean the lids come together; It is a stillness and tightness that indicates an arousal of emotion like dislike, close monitoring, suspicion or confusion.

A half lidded eye is where the upper lid hald drops down, with the pupil normal sized. Usually a sign of relaxation or sleepiness.

What I think dwes is thinking of is what teenagers do; their whole orbital muscle bunches/contract and they look rude and annoyed. To me I call this "pissy", because it almost always is accompanied by a mouth twist or cheeks bunching up.

Thats what I mean when I write!


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> T
> What I think dwes is thinking of is what teenagers do; their whole orbital muscle bunches/contract and they look rude and annoyed. To me I call this "pissy", because it almost always is accompanied by a mouth twist or cheeks bunching up.
> 
> Thats what I mean when I write!



Nope, my interpretation of staring with narrowed eyes is when the brow furrows and the eyelids tighten moving closer together. This look indicates a higher level of awareness (increase visual inspection of the environment) due to mistrust or threat. 

View attachment 200_s.gif


View attachment Caro-vs-Clint-3.jpg


----------



## fat hiker

Xyantha Reborn said:


> NOrth american "white" populations tend to eat a very limited selection of prime cuts. Some areas, however, cater to cultures and ciusines which focus on less desirable cuts, which is where I get my dog food. I raw feed, which means I go for all the cuts, and what I don't feed raw I dehydrate as treats.
> 
> I had several asians (pretty sure filipino) looking at me with narrowed eyes until one finally demanded quite incredulously, "you eat that???"
> 
> And I couldn't insult them by saying "No, it's for my dogs!" So I had to nod and smile and say yes, i eat beef lung and chicken feet and beef liver and tripe!



Hey, I love using "The Joy of Cooking" for new meal ideas, and they have an excellent recipe for making chicken stock for chicken soup from chicken feet.

And if you're of Irish origin, then you should know that beef liver, properly prepared, is delicious!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Yep thats the point! So much good stuff people miss... (but also cheaper so yay dog food too!)


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Yep thats the point! So much good stuff people miss... (but also cheaper so yay dog food too!)



And ... best of all ... if you live near a a highway it's _absolutely free!_:eat2:


----------



## Tracii

I was reminded today of the little kid in the check out lane that said to his Mommy "hey Mom that lady behind us has a butt in the front".
Mom was soooooo embarrassed but all I could say was "Kids you gotta love em'."
I thought the kid was soo cute I couldn't get mad at him for telling the truth LOLOL


----------



## dwesterny

This. Won't work if your browser caches websites.

http://www.whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

My brain couldn't/can't get past the title of this my friend sent to me...

Mmmm:eat1: 

View attachment IMG_3503.jpg


----------



## Tad

I resemble that title!


----------



## loopytheone

Tad said:


> I resemble that title!



In the context of this forum, you were actually the first person I thought of when I saw 'biking'! 

As for what amused me yesterday, it had to be the way one of my co-workers at the farm cracked up laughing every time I called one of the rabbits fat. It didn't even cross my mind that that probably isn't the politest way of phrasing it!


----------



## dwesterny

Watching Marvel's Ironfist on Netflix. He has this ability that makes his curled fist glow when he needs to do something special. Am I the only one who thinks Danny repeatedly being unable to "summon the iron fist" is really just a metaphor for erectile dysfunction? Asking for a friend.
Also "The Last Dragon" did it better. Sho Nuff.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

dwesterny said:


> Watching Marvel's Ironfist on Netflix. He has this ability that makes his curled fist glow when he needs to do something special. Am I the only one who thinks Danny repeatedly being unable to "summon the iron fist" is really just a metaphor for erectile dysfunction? Asking for a friend.
> Also "The Last Dragon" did it better. Sho Nuff.



It's always about the cock my friend....always.


----------



## DianaSSBBW

I sometimes participate in a chat group on WhatsApp with "old" high school classmates. The group was stated about two years ago. We are scattered all over the place but most still live in Venezuela. They are planning another "get together" in August so late last night I was reading the thread and responded to a questions. Suddenly my phone rang thru "WhatApp". The call was from an old classmate that I have not seen or heard from since 1981! The call reminded me of Dimensions because the caller wanted to know if I remembered some of the nasty stuff from high school. He said that when they did the first reunion two years ago he went around apologizing to some of the ladies. The conversation last for a while and was a lot of laughs. He then asked if I remembered anything he had to apology for. LOL


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Visted hubby's 95 yo grandma yesterday.

Best line was when her daughter asked "when were you born, mom?"
And she responded, exasperated, "i don't know, i wasn't there that day!"

It was so funny because it ALMOST made sense!


----------



## loopytheone

Some of the exchanges at the Skye Club Show on Saturday made me laugh. 

I think most of all the long debate about the need for the treasurer to sign cheques or not and the problems that arise should the treasurer die. Cue the treasurer looking increasingly uncomfortable and eventually asking if she should consider life insurance. 

Also, the fact that the only thing agreed on during the five hour AGM was that we should have a break and eat the giant cake that had been donated. Cue the president and the judge cutting the cake together whilst the photographer took pictures, looking like the lowest budget, most dog-tastic wedding photo ever!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Bahaha i love the "should x person die" eventuality convos...especially followed by cake!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Hubby accidentally bought blood sausage, so he fed it to the animals (who, incidentally, adored it).


----------



## RentonBob

This...  

View attachment Truck D.jpg


----------



## dwesterny

What do you call a fat person who predicts the future?


Four chin teller
I'll show myself out...


----------



## Anjula

dwesterny said:


> What do you call a fat person who predicts the future?
> 
> 
> Four chin teller
> I'll show myself out...



XD ten characters required


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I have realized I have literally zero interest in sociology (my minor) - and it is so boring I struggle to take any of it in. What makes me LOL is that it's my minor lolll


----------



## dwesterny

saw one of those zen garden things on sale on Amazon, you know the boxes with sand you can draw patterns and arrange stones in. I was totally gonna buy one but then I realized my cat would just shit in it.


----------



## agouderia

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I have realized I have literally zero interest in sociology (my minor) - and it is so boring I struggle to take any of it in. What makes me LOL is that it's my minor lolll



Concentrate on the empirical stuff - statistics, sampling, randomizing, SPSS - that's useful for many research applications in most fields.
On the theory side organizational sociology makes sense because it also is useful in many business contexts.

But I understand where you're coming from. Communication sociology also was not my cup of tea as it mainly consisted of immediately disprovable, verbose tripe.


----------



## Tad

Best cease and desist 'letter' ever (you can read the story, but really just watch the video and listen to the song)

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/brendan-richmond-coca-cola-out-for-a-rip-1.4200513


----------



## Tad

Best cease and desist 'letter' ever (you can read the story, but really just watch the video and listen to the song)

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/brendan-richmond-coca-cola-out-for-a-rip-1.4200513


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

agouderia said:


> Concentrate on the empirical stuff - statistics, sampling, randomizing, SPSS - that's useful for many research applications in most fields.
> On the theory side organizational sociology makes sense because it also is useful in many business contexts.



Oh its necessary but is so broad its almost generalization - and the stats and sampling is even more boring to me. Its good for me to be able to vocalize feelings i have had (like why i reject feminism, gender roles, sex roles etc), but its very difficult for me to learn something which is not useful. Psychology is relevant to my job and my passion in a direct way - sociology is a framework for understanding...that requires an inordinant amount of memorization because i fundamentally fon't care. Whereas psyc i immediately retain it, fit it into my own mental schema, and retain it. 

I memorized how information travels from the eye/ear/etcto the various parts of the brain in one read (because i have a vested interest in arousal in dogs). Trying to force stats on "social inequity" and "education" slips by me. And they want the % and name of the person and i...just don't care. Whereas psyc focuses on interplay, interaction, and less on percentages for the sake of percentages.

That being said: i know sociology will be valuable too. Frameworks are necessary for context...i just don't have to like it =p. Hubby on the other hand loves the huge social overarching motivations and how society interacts on international levels


----------



## Tad

Is he willing to co-pay and talk over the stuff you are studying? Might give you a different way to process the information?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Yes and he edits my essays...its just very difficult for me to retain info that i don't care about. And it isn't things like "what is social stratification" the midterm qs were like "who came up with this theory in 1906?" I don't care... or "what exact percentage of people are poor ethnic women in canada?" I don't care...

But if they asked ABOUT a theory of IMPACTS on groups because of pay inequity...thats easy. Connection and reasoning is no problem...but my brain simple can't justify (never has been able) to do rote memorization.

The hubby can memorize theorists and dates and events...but only in the contextpolitics/history. Everything else he has the same "i simply don't care/this isn't valid".

I mean, its reflective of my job. When i read a fifty page detailed design doc i can cal out risks, impacts, and remember the whole solution. Ask me to remember a random set of data? My brain is like nah, that does not get stored.


----------



## agouderia

Xyantha Reborn said:


> The hubby can memorize theorists and dates and events...but only in the contextpolitics/history.



Your hubby and I need to talk ...


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

He would love that ! Normally people's eyes glaze over when he starts talking european history =p


----------



## Tad

Seriously, on a post-secondary exam they were asking BS questions like who came up with the theory? Argh! OK, you have all my sympathies -- I'm also loathe to memorize random factoids that don't really impact anything. 

Or to put it another way, speaking as an engineer: "Oh, the humanities!"


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Yeah, it's blegh! I can't even remember names of people i know, let alone random ppl from history =p


----------



## ODFFA

When I read this it instantly reminded me of a blind friend of mine who once said to someone, "Sorry, I'm not very good with names... And I'm even worse with faces." 

One time, she'd lost her patience with someone and asked them to repeat their explanation to her in sign language. She _hates_ being obligated to ride in those little buggies at airports when she flies with assistance. So she learned how to celebrity-wave to people from her carriage and amuses everybody that way. 

Never a dull moment.


----------



## Tad

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Yeah, it's blegh! I can't even remember names of people i know, let alone random ppl from history =p



Way back when I was in University, there tended to be a ton of forms to fill out at the start of every term. One term the classmate I was living with and myself agreed to make sure to sit beside each other for the first few days, so we could each get away with memorizing half of our new phone number, because we both had trouble quickly memorizing a full seven digits :doh: (and this is why engineers prefer to do their math with variables, not numbers!)


----------



## AmandaLynn

Librarygirl said:


> Just worked out I could do this!



Yes! Asparagus Boy!


----------



## AmandaLynn

My cousin arrived today from La, she is only here for the weekend. 

Here I am watching my supposedly size 16 cousin struggle to get into a pair of my old size 18 denim shorts. It was hilarious. She was so determined, but not a chance. 

I don't know what's funnier, the fact that she insists she is a size 16 or the fact that I find it hilarious that it's clear to everyone but her that she is not.


----------



## Tad

Well sure, she's a size 16 -- if the 16s are super stretchy, and are the ones that she's been stretching out for a few years as she grew. (My wife is that sort of size 16, so I know .... ).

Mind you, given the sort of influence that you are on these boards, even just a long weekend may be enough that she'll have to give up on that illusion


----------



## AmandaLynn

Tad said:


> Well sure, she's a size 16 -- if the 16s are super stretchy, and are the ones that she's been stretching out for a few years as she grew. (My wife is that sort of size 16, so I know .... ).
> 
> Mind you, given the sort of influence that you are on these boards, even just a long weekend may be enough that she'll have to give up on that illusion




Influence? Me? No, you have me mistaken for someone else.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

AmandaLynn said:


> I don't know what's funnier, the fact that she insists she is a size 16 or the fact that I find it hilarious that it's clear to everyone but her that she is not.



Maybe she's talking about her shoes?


----------



## Tad

AmandaLynn said:


> Influence? Me? No, you have me mistaken for someone else.



right, you're just the one who gets everyone to tty new Blizzard flavours, totally had you confused for a minute there


----------



## DragonFly

I just received a call on my cell phone. It was a wrong number...I had to convince the lady that it was a wrong number. Made me laugh...she was so certain I was the person she was calling.


----------



## AmandaLynn

Tad said:


> right, you're just the one who gets everyone to tty new Blizzard flavours, totally had you confused for a minute there



Actually, that's BBW MeganLynn44DD.


----------



## ODFFA

We were talking about the things my mom lets my father get away with, and MrSensible just said,

"Birds of a shitfeather."







Made my day


----------



## loopytheone

Tad said:


> Well sure, she's a size 16 -- if the 16s are super stretchy, and are the ones that she's been stretching out for a few years as she grew. (My wife is that sort of size 16, so I know .... ).
> 
> Mind you, given the sort of influence that you are on these boards, even just a long weekend may be enough that she'll have to give up on that illusion



The last time I tried on something a size 16 in a store I ended up ripping it with my fat butt. 

Hahaha, I am never going back in that shop, ever again! :doh:


----------



## AmandaLynn

loopytheone said:


> The last time I tried on something a size 16 in a store I ended up ripping it with my fat butt.
> 
> Hahaha, I am never going back in that shop, ever again! :doh:



You need more pizza in your life.


----------



## Tracii

Loopy size 20's are sturdier LOLOL


----------



## agouderia

Ummm Loopy - a UK size 20 is a US 16 ...


----------



## loopytheone

agouderia said:


> Ummm Loopy - a UK size 20 is a US 16 ...



Hahaha, I know that, but hey, it was still relevant to the conversation!


----------



## loopytheone

My bff (and alleged gay ace lover) just sent me this as a surprise in the post! We saw it on our holiday to Bournemouth last week and I really liked that I found a model that looks like me so they secretly got it me! I feel so loved! :smitten: 

View attachment Picture 519.jpg


----------



## Tad

Awww, what a sweetie!


----------



## agouderia

Your bff urgently needs to see an optometrist. 
The figurine is wearing a striped bathing suit - and yours has polka-dots. So they absolutely cannot look alike ...


----------



## loopytheone

Something that made me laugh yesterday was the joking conversation I had with my other half about who is the bigger ho out of the two of us.  

I say as he's had 4 times as many partners as I've had, that means him. Though he argues that you can still find videos of me half naked on the internet if you know where to look, so that makes me more of a ho. That and he's never had entire public accounts online dedicated to pictures of himself in very little clothing and I have. 

We agreed that we are both raging hos and we're both amazing.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

You can't be ace and ho's!! (Joking, obviously!)


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> You can't be ace and ho's!! (Joking, obviously!)



We're the most ace hos out there! 

That reminds me, an asexual friend took a picture of us both outside a bar called "Smoking Aces". They took one picture and then demanded that I pull my shirt down a bit and get more boob in the picture.


----------



## Tad

Finally got the first tomatoes off my few tomato plants. I can't think of another year where they were nearly so late in ripening, but finally I had a couple* for my lunch today (*they are the small tomatoes).


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Yum'z. I bite into normal sized tomato like they are apples. People are like !!! And i am like - fruit!


----------



## dwesterny

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Yum'z. I bite into normal sized tomato like they are apples. People are like !!! And i am like - fruit!



Cut em in half and sprinkle some salt on them first imo.


----------



## Tad

dwesterny said:


> Cut em in half and sprinkle some salt on them first imo.



My favourite snack with tomatoes is to either cut small ones in half or bigger ones into really thick slices, sprinkle with a touch ch of salt and pepper, then cover with cheddar cheese, then gobble greedily. Just a great combo of flavours, textures, and acidity/fat. Sometimes I'll add sesame flavoured rice crackers to the other size of the crackers, adds another texture contrast that really emphasizes the juiciness of the tomato.


----------



## Jeannie

My 1 yr old Dalmatian had never seen a watermelon... until today.

She barked at it for 20 minutes. Funniest thing I've seen in a while. :happy:


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

I wanna see!! lol


----------



## loopytheone

Giving a bunch of rabbits wormer at the farm. 

You give rabbits wormer by putting the syringe in their mouth and there was about 8 of us that wanted to learn to do it. 

Halfway through another coworker pointed out to us how bad we looked, standing in a big huddle around this one girl (who was holding the rabbits), covered in pasty white liquid, and giving each other advice such as "No, don't put it in so fast", "You've got to go further back before you go in" and "Put your hands over her eyes and hold her still or I can't get it in". 

Apparently I'm very fast and efficient, and get straight in there with it and quickly eject my load.  Though I think me yelling "It's everywhere, it's all over my boobs and even in my hair!" made some of the kids die of laughter. 

Also, honourable mention to the 15 minutes spent chasing an escaped cockerel around the farm that ended with me shouting "Yes, got you, you damn cock, I've got the cock" and then asking my boss what he wanted me to do with his new cock.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Ah, the joys of medicating rabbits! It amazes me that anything so fuzzy can be so slippery.


----------



## DragonFly

I really would appreciate picturesor possible video in the future. I think I now have a girl crush.... 


loopytheone said:


> Giving a bunch of rabbits wormer at the farm.
> 
> You give rabbits wormer by putting the syringe in their mouth and there was about 8 of us that wanted to learn to do it.
> 
> Halfway through another coworker pointed out to us how bad we looked, standing in a big huddle around this one girl (who was holding the rabbits), covered in pasty white liquid, and giving each other advice such as "No, don't put it in so fast", "You've got to go further back before you go in" and "Put your hands over her eyes and hold her still or I can't get it in".
> 
> Apparently I'm very fast and efficient, and get straight in there with it and quickly eject my load.  Though I think me yelling "It's everywhere, it's all over my boobs and even in my hair!" made some of the kids die of laughter.
> 
> Also, honourable mention to the 15 minutes spent chasing an escaped cockerel around the farm that ended with me shouting "Yes, got you, you damn cock, I've got the cock" and then asking my boss what he wanted me to do with his new cock.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Someone asked for a "warm dump" of data from their customer analytics box. So "can i get a warm dump from the cust_anal box?" The fact that we laughed and laughed and laughed...means we suck at adulting.


----------



## loopytheone

Discovered that my fat ass cracked my dining room chair at some point. Like, it's not gonna fall apart and break or anything but still!


----------



## annielewis

*Lol,I can`t stop laughing :happy:*


----------



## loopytheone

This crack is all the way through the wood to the other side. I'm soooo lucky it didn't snap in half and just deposit me on the floor! 

View attachment Picture 522.jpg


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

A coworker and i basically message each other on facebook messenger all day with rage and a series of the word "fuck". That's hiw bad it is at my work.

But her daughter saw our convo and scolded her mom:"mommy, i know you like her, and your job is hard, but you CANT swear like that, ok mommy?"

So freakin cute!


----------



## ODFFA

Xyantha Reborn said:


> A coworker and i basically message each other on facebook messenger all day with rage and a series of the word "fuck". That's hiw bad it is at my work.
> 
> But her daughter saw our convo and scolded her mom:"mommy, i know you like her, and your job is hard, but you CANT swear like that, ok mommy?"
> 
> So freakin cute!



:happy: Kind of sounds like something I would've said too as a kid.

-------
MrSensible's awesome brother posted this on facebook a while back. I wish more reviews were this poetically descriptive. 

*Amazon Review of Sugar-Free Gummi Bears:* Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Getting custom shirts made for my gaming group - had to explain that for a 3xl man, the dice would end up looking like gamer pasties for their titties lolol

I'd attach a pic but dims attachment page keeps saying my iphone pics have invalid file extensions.


----------



## Tad

Xy;

a) Cool, and nice of you!

b) Lol @ gamer pasties

c) I'm guessing you enjoyed the image even if you had a change made?


----------



## loopytheone

People trying to be sassy with me! Like, seriously, my other half is the master of sass, the only issue I have is trying to work out how to respond without being too sassy myself and making things worse.


----------



## djudex

There were some new people at Canadian Thanksgiving tonight and they were asking where rabbitislove and I met, she likes to keep it generic to something like 'oh on the internet, you know'. Afterwards I said Dims should create a new dating site and call it Plenty of Fats dot Com. A good chuckle was had


----------



## dwesterny

I tried a durian milkshake yesterday. It was the single most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. Like a rotten onion and paint thinner milkshake. I had to run the sink for like 10 minutes after pouring it out to get the smell out completely.


----------



## Tad

I'd not heard of durian before, so I googled it. Second thing that came up was "Why does durian smell so bad?" So I guess props for doing the research and saving the rest of us, but part of me is asking "Dude, what made even _tasting _that seem like a good idea?"


----------



## dwesterny

Tad said:


> I'd not heard of durian before, so I googled it. Second thing that came up was "Why does durian smell so bad?" So I guess props for doing the research and saving the rest of us, but part of me is asking "Dude, what made even _tasting _that seem like a good idea?"



Read more it's pretty interesting. Apparently the flavor compounds that durian contains are so strong and numerous that which flavors stand out vary based on your neurological olfactory development. To some rotten onions to others almond custard.


----------



## Tad

dwesterny said:


> Read more it's pretty interesting. Apparently the flavor compounds that durian contains are so strong and numerous that which flavors stand out vary based on your neurological olfactory development. To some rotten onions to others almond custard.



I did indeed read some more -- apparently it may also interfere with the breakdown of alcohol. Imbibe with care!


----------



## Amaranthine

Tad said:


> I'd not heard of durian before, so I googled it. Second thing that came up was "Why does durian smell so bad?" So I guess props for doing the research and saving the rest of us, but part of me is asking "Dude, what made even _tasting _that seem like a good idea?"




I really quite like durian--and may have, in a few cases, suggested that other people try it. I gave it to two friends of mine in person and they hacked it out in the sink. One other person seemed permanently haunted by it. 

I only know of one other person who enjoys it and they're also quite fond of it. It's really a love-or-hate kind of deal. It DOES smell like rotting onions to me but the taste is creamy and mild. Think of it as a fancy cheese kind of deal--the smell may be off-putting but the taste can be great. But the fruit itself looks kind of like a diseased liver and that's not optimal...

For the less ambitious fruit explorer, I would suggest the jackfruit. It tastes just like juicy fruit gum and doesn't smell like old trash.


----------



## dwesterny

I curse the very existence of the sicko who put the idea of trying durian in my head.


----------



## Amaranthine

dwesterny said:


> I curse the very existence of the sicko who put the idea of trying durian in my head.



Try it with Marmite next time.


----------



## dwesterny

Amaranthine said:


> Try it with Marmite next time.



I try not to eat yeasty things.


----------



## Yakatori

So that rules out beer? Sourdough bread?


----------



## Cobra Verde

1) After being pressured into playing Pokemon Go I finally get now why someone once repped me here by typing, "A wild Masshole appears!" Not that I ever disputed their choice of nouns.

Also, shoot me.


2) "Hey your eyes are so beautiful. Who did you vote for?" 

Greatest pick-up line ever and sums up dating in 2017 better than anything else possibly could.


----------



## dwesterny

I found a recipe for bukkake udon noodles. It was not what I expected. But according to a recipe I read you can use a variety of proteins....

https://www.japancentre.com/en/recipes/374-bukkake-udon-noodles


----------



## DragonFly

dwesterny said:


> I found a recipe for bukkake udon noodles. It was not what I expected. But according to a recipe I read you can use a variety of proteins....
> 
> https://www.japancentre.com/en/recipes/374-bukkake-udon-noodles




OMG. I follow a snap chatter that is his favorite word.... I had to google it as I have to google most things because I am old. Oh My


----------



## Tad

Merb'ys!


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Werk-werking on my assignments, and got a panicked LOL as Word tried to automatically save it as the author Xyantha because I've been doing other stuff.

Potential oopsie


----------



## LumpySmile

The Hickory Farms kiosk at the mall this year is directly in front of Torrid. Coincidence??


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Hubby and I walking by a plus sized lingerie poster:

Him: that's such bull. Look at her - her proportions are all weird, like they used photoshop to make a skinny person look bigger. She is laying down curled up. Where are her rolls? Having spent time around you, I know people who like fuller figures like rolls. 

Sorry guys, i think i let out the secret!!!


----------



## ODFFA

Why did that second comment kill me?


----------



## Tad

I just read that Pace, Florida has seen more snow this tear than has Edmonton, Alberta.

Which seems a bit unfair. I mean, first Florida gets itself better hockey teams than Edmonton, then it starts lining up more snow too?


----------



## djudex

Tad said:


> I just read that Pace, Florida has seen more snow this tear than has Edmonton, Alberta.
> 
> Which seems a bit unfair. I mean, first Florida gets itself better hockey teams than Edmonton, then it starts lining up more snow too?



Seems fair to me, they play the hockey, they get the snow!


----------



## lucca23v2

Hear is something funny, so this last job has created some health issues thanks to the stress. I am now suffering from acid reflux which has effected my vocal chords. SO the doctors gives me a list of what not to eat, no tea, no caffeine, no breath mints, no throat lozenges, no ground beef, no soda, no tomato or tomato based products, no diary, nothing spicy and a whole bunch of other things. I look at the doctor and say so basically I can eat air, chew gum and have lettuce. He looks at me and smiles. I told him, doc. if I could follow a diet do you think I would be fat? common work with me here. I live on pizza, I am hispanic which by default means somewhat spicy food. Now I have to eat bland food and sauceless pizza. But the funny part, the doctor tells me, you can cheat, eat some sugar free jello. Sugar free jello? how the fuck is that a cheat? it is sugar free?!?!?!?!!? Fucker.


----------



## lille

lucca23v2 said:


> Hear is something funny, so this last job has created some health issues thanks to the stress. I am now suffering from acid reflux which has effected my vocal chords. SO the doctors gives me a list of what not to eat, no tea, no caffeine, no breath mints, no throat lozenges, no ground beef, no soda, no tomato or tomato based products, no diary, nothing spicy and a whole bunch of other things. I look at the doctor and say so basically I can eat air, chew gum and have lettuce. He looks at me and smiles. I told him, doc. if I could follow a diet do you think I would be fat? common work with me here. I live on pizza, I am hispanic which by default means somewhat spicy food. Now I have to eat bland food and sauceless pizza. But the funny part, the doctor tells me, you can cheat, eat some sugar free jello. Sugar free jello? how the fuck is that a cheat? it is sugar free?!?!?!?!!? Fucker.



What planet does he live on that sugar free jello is a cheat?


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

lille said:


> What planet does he live on that sugar free jello is a cheat?



Or, for that matter a treat. Somewhere out there is a planet inhabited by creatures without taste buds.


----------



## ODFFA

THIS. Is a Let's Play.

(Many NSFW languages  )

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDSliGRgnII[/ame]


----------



## loopytheone

Moderating the new users made me laugh today. 

First ever instance of a spambot putting its gender as 'Viagra'.


----------



## dwesterny

Why is it legal to call a gathering of crows a "murder"?

Probable caws.


----------



## FreeThinker

It used to say 'discount':


----------



## LeoGibson

FreeThinker said:


> It used to say 'discount':
> 
> View attachment 129055



I think I’d rather go to the disco myself!


----------



## loopytheone

Can I be invited to the trucker disco? =p


----------



## FreeThinker

Sure! It _is _at a McDonald's, though. Dress down .


----------



## loopytheone

Went to a doctor to talk about my hypermobility today. She was genuine surprised that not only can I effortlessly touch the floor when standing, I can easily put my whole fingers down on the ground, despite my size. Hah, she also got really freaked out when I showed her my fingers hyperextending and made me stop doing it!


----------



## Crumbling

loopytheone said:


> Hah, she also got really freaked out when I showed her my fingers hyperextending and made me stop doing it!



Stop doing that thing with your thumb! Why does your knee bend that way? Does it hurt? How doesn't it hurt? Don't Do that! I don't care if I can't see you, I don't WANT to see it. Stop it! I know you're doing it!


----------



## loopytheone

Crumbling said:


> Stop doing that thing with your thumb! Why does your knee bend that way? Does it hurt? How doesn't it hurt? Don't Do that! I don't care if I can't see you, I don't WANT to see it. Stop it! I know you're doing it!



You'll be pleased to know my thumbs are one of the few joints that aren't hypermobile! =p


----------



## Crumbling

loopytheone said:


> You'll be pleased to know my thumbs are one of the few joints that aren't hypermobile! =p


Mine are... I get told off for wiggling them funny.


----------



## dwesterny

Thumbs up for all the people who's joints hyperextend.


----------



## loopytheone

Oh wow, even mine don't do it that much! Also, aaaaaaah, how are you allowed to have such adorable chubby hands? <3 <3 <3


----------



## dwesterny

So this happened today.


----------



## MattB

Imma leave this here...


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy




----------



## AmyJo1976

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> View attachment 130128


LMAO! love it!


----------



## MattB

BEHOLD!


----------



## loopytheone

I had a conversation with my other half the other day about how weird it is that guys ask for pics when you tell them you just got out the shower. I'm either towel head, or drown rat, neither of these things are sexy! xD Evidence:


----------



## Crumbling

loopytheone said:


> Evidence:
> View attachment 130216
> 
> View attachment 130217



Beg to differ. You appear to have submitted evidence which is entirely at odds with your claims.


----------



## loopytheone

Crumbling said:


> Beg to differ. You appear to have submitted evidence which is entirely at odds with your claims.



Hahaha, well I'm flattered, though I'm confused as to how looking like something you clean out of a drain after a shower is at all appealing.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Beauty may be only skin deep, but it still shines through alluvial deposits.


----------



## Tad

loopytheone said:


> Hahaha, well I'm flattered, though I'm confused as to how looking like something you clean out of a drain after a shower is at all appealing.



I think it is because it is not a managed look that is part of the appeal. Perhaps also that fresh out of the shower is normally a sort of private or intimate moment, so there is a touch of the forbidden? And then there is the naked factor 

(Also, adorable pics, Loopy!)


----------



## loopytheone

Tad said:


> I think it is because it is not a managed look that is part of the appeal. Perhaps also that fresh out of the shower is normally a sort of private or intimate moment, so there is a touch of the forbidden? And then there is the naked factor
> 
> (Also, adorable pics, Loopy!)



Ah, okay, I guess it makes sense when you explain it like that! And thank you very much.


----------



## MattB

After only one episode, I can safely say this is my favourite podcast.

http://www.everythingisalive.com/


----------



## freakyfred




----------



## Xyantha Reborn

My four month old baby australian shepherd body surfed across the back of my two adult aussies the entire length of the living room!


----------



## Tad

While I was replacing the tube on a wheel on my bike, our cat was keeping me company (it was within an hour of food time, and I was in the kitchen (best light) so near her food bowl.

When I was done I gave the wheel a gentle spin, to make sure nothing was ruibbng. The cat starts following the movement of the reflector mounted on the spokes, turning her whole head in circles while she tracked it. I wish I'd videod that, she looked so goofy!


----------



## dwesterny

New show on netflix, Paradise PD has an FFA character. Reminds me of Xyntha a little (in that she's violent and rough on the tender bits).


----------



## BigElectricKat




----------



## AmyJo1976

BigElectricKat said:


>



That's hilarious! He is so young there. Hard to believe it was that long ago.


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

Got sent my first dick pic today...it made me feel special LOL



(And no wasn't rude or gross, just hilarious)


----------



## loopytheone

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Got sent my first dick pic today...it made me feel special LOL
> 
> 
> 
> (And no wasn't rude or gross, just hilarious)



How is that the first time you've been sent one, I've been sent loads in the past! 

I can't send you a dick pic, but I can send you a picture of me with a tube of toothpaste resting on my crotch, that's basically the same thing, right?


----------



## Xyantha Reborn

loopytheone said:


> How is that the first time you've been sent one, I've been sent loads in the past!
> 
> I can't send you a dick pic, but I can send you a picture of me with a tube of toothpaste resting on my crotch, that's basically the same thing, right?



Tube of liverwurst!!


----------



## OriginalCyn




----------



## SneezeCheeze

I don’t know why but I was doubled over laughing for like five minutes reading this.


----------



## Funtastic curves

View attachment 131311


----------



## lovelydaisy

Wendy Williams Show and David Dobrik youtube video


----------



## Funtastic curves

"Worth it " Doritos have the best commercials.


----------



## loopytheone

One of my boobs keeps escaping from my new bra. 

Ma'am, Ma'am, please return to your seat immediately!


----------



## BigElectricKat

loopytheone said:


> One of my boobs keeps escaping from my new bra.
> 
> Ma'am, Ma'am, please return to your seat immediately!


I don't know about LOL but that sure made me smile (remaining a gentleman as always).


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## Xyantha Reborn

loopytheone said:


> One of my boobs keeps escaping from my new bra.
> 
> Ma'am, Ma'am, please return to your seat immediately!


 You are drunk, boobette, go home!


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## RVGleason




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## djudex




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## DragonFly

djudex said:


> View attachment 132145


So stealing this!!!!!!! Hysterical!!!


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