# Is it me? Or something else...



## Nikki80 (Dec 10, 2005)

On the boards, I have read that so many of us BBW's have boyfriends and husbands, and I think that is so wonderful. Congratulations to all of you!  But for me, I have not been so lucky as of yet.

I work in a setting where I'm around people all the time, especially a lot of men who come into the restaurant, and a lot of the times, I'm the one who takes their orders, they give the money to, that sort of thing. I always smile, and give people eye-contact while I'm with my customers, which is part of what I'm supposed to do.

Now, when I'm off work and in public, I try to do the same thing...smile, eye-contact, and even a 'hi,' especially with guys (ones who don't have women around them or anything like that), but whenever I do, I hardly ever get smiles back or really anything in return. Men treat me as though I am invisible, and this happens to me a lot, and I don't get it. 

Like I said, I smile, and give eye-contact, that kind of thing, but still, I don't get anywhere. Then later when I reflect, I begin to wonder if it's the way I look, my weight (since I am a BBW too), or something. Of course, when I was younger, I didn't like myself much physically, because I was brainwashed into think that in order to get a man's attention, I had to be thin. I don't know how many times that message was drilled into my head, but after finding sites like these, I learned that not every man is like that. I started to feel better about myself, you know accepting my body and weight, or else I would not have the position I have now. But now, it's like guys STILL act as though I'm invisible.

What am I doing wrong?


----------



## Jon Blaze (Dec 10, 2005)

You're still young (but older than me  ) .... you will find someone eventually..... from what you said, I don't see anything wrong with what your doing. The only thing I can say is give it some time. Attend some social events, especially if you find some bbw/fa clubs/parties in your area.

Good luck...


----------



## r-nadiv (Dec 10, 2005)

The rules of attraction are un-rules, really. So much of what goes on is a matter of breaking from convention, of breaking with one's programming (or like you say, Nikki, brainwashing). And even more has to do with self-doubt. It took me better than 10 years before I could own up to my attraction to fat women; and now, even more years later, it's still a problem for me approach a woman I'm attracted to, largely because of my doubt that I can open the conversation without sounding (eventually) completely fetish-driven and so, a user. 

I'm not posting here to explain the male mind and its hesitations, or to suggest that you try a different approach. Looking a guy in the eye and smiling, being confident and at-ease, being engaging; all that sounds pretty applealing to me. But at the end of the day, it's probably not you, Nikki, but it's some guy you smiled at, the way he sat down that night to tell a friend that he met this chick and, if only, if only. After all, why fight for happiness when he can fall for convention and a passionless 50 years?

Keep looking them in the eye and keep on smiling. Someone with heart is around the corner.


----------



## Moonchild (Dec 10, 2005)

Welcome to the club 

Do keep in mind that yeah, you can be big and beautiful, and there are tons of men who agree with that statement, but for every time you've been told you're wrong for being fat, we've all been told we're wrong for thinking it's attractive. So first of all, that's a good chunk of guys who aren't honest with themselves about their preferences. Second, you always hear stories about guys who let their bigger girlfriends know about their preference only to disgust them.

Wait. I was building up to a good point and I can't remember what it was. Damn!

But anyway, I'm one of those fat-loving dudes you're after (just unfortunately a few hundred miles and a couple too many years apart), and while any difficulty we might have is caused by ignorance, insecurity, shallowness, and other unjustified qualities, the fact of difficulty remains. Unfortunately for me, I'm not picky at all on the physical level, but I've had nearly no luck in the female department, of any size.

It sounds to me like you need to take a more proactive approach. Ask a guy out, since it's apparently not gonna work the other way around. Trust me, it's better for someone to say "no" than for you to keep asking "what if..?"

Words to live by: Just because a guy doesn't request a relationship doesn't mean he doesn't want one. Trust me. I know better than anyone.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Dec 10, 2005)

Yeah, they treat me like a leper too. If it's not one thing, it's another. Either they think you're too hot for them or they think you are a ghastly beast. Their loss.


----------



## AnnMarie (Dec 10, 2005)

There are more of us who are single, so you can either feel comfort in the fact that you're not alone, or freak out even more that you're not actually the only one looking.


----------



## shy guy (Dec 10, 2005)

Well some guys just have no guts, know what I mean? I have a real hard time talking to girls so don't be upset. Things like this take time you will find the right guy for you soon I hope and if it means any thing to I would go out with you if we lived in the same state


----------



## fatlane (Dec 10, 2005)

How hard can it be? Just kidnap a guy, chain him to the bedposts, and when he falls in love with his captor, an eventual stage in the prisoner experience, send for the Justice o' Peace.

You will learn to love each other eventually.


----------



## Nikki80 (Dec 10, 2005)

Wow...thank you all so much for responses so far. I didn't expect to get many responses, if at all. LOL!

I never thought that I wasn't doing anything. Like I said before, I thought there was something wrong with the way I looked, or my weight, because, to quote so many boards I used to go to that dealt with relationships, especially when the fat vs. thin threads would show up, "Most men prefer thin women."  

One thing that I used to ask myself was, "Who are these 'most men' and who are they to speak for every man out there?" It wasn't for a long time that I started to question that, and began to find something wrong with that. And I was right...there was definitely something wrong with that generalization when I came to boards like these. Imagine my shock to find that men actually found BBW's attractive. :shocked: It went against everything that had been drilled into my head, and that was when I began to feel better about myself.

Of course, on one site I used to go, I began to defend BBW's and the guys who liked them, but I gave up because I knew I wasn't going to change their minds. But it did give me hope, and that's what I cling to now.

So are some of you saying I should make the first move sometimes? I have to admit that's a VERY hard thing for me to do, because I'm not used to guys to approaching guys very much, because I always assumed they didn't think I was attractive because I wasn't thin. I think I'm going to need some help here, to be honest. LOL! :doh:


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Dec 10, 2005)

For a number of years (back in junior high and high school), I was afraid to approach the larger girls that I preferred, because I was afraid of what other people would think. Finally, I decided that the opinions of others didn't matter, buy that took a while.

And sometimes it takes a while to find the right person. I had two failed marriages and a number of girlfriends before I finally met Sandie 14 years ago.

So keep looking - the right person is out there, and they may even be looking for you right now!!!!


----------



## Aurora (Dec 10, 2005)

Best place I've learned to find people is online. I've been in three "serious" relationships, and each of them began with the Internet. Long distance is hard, yes, but who's to say your soulmate isn't in the next state over? If there's a real connection, there's a way to make it work. I'm involved in a 1000 mile long distance relationship right now, but I believe in my heart our bond can break the barrier as long as we don't give up. 

But who's to say there's not some shy FA just down the block from you who's too nervous to ask you out? The Internet is a great tool, sometimes.

And if you like, I'll pass some of my FA buds your way. ;-) There's a lot of sweeties out there amongst the creeps.

~Aurora


----------



## Jack Skellington (Dec 11, 2005)

There is no rhyme or reason to what attracts people to each other. Sometimes people just click and sometimes they don't.


----------



## fatlane (Dec 11, 2005)

I don't click as much as I used to, now that I got a touchpad instead of a mouse.


----------



## Totmacher (Dec 11, 2005)

Don't think I'm not attracted. I'm just shy.


----------



## fatlane (Dec 11, 2005)

Totmacher said:


> Don't think I'm not attracted. I'm just shy.



I'll cure you of shyness. Come here and give your old Uncle Fatlane a big kiss on the cheek!


----------



## Totmacher (Dec 11, 2005)

That particular facet of the affliction I'm not too worried about, actually


----------



## fatlane (Dec 11, 2005)

Totmacher said:


> That particular facet of the affliction I'm not too worried about, actually



You have _no_ idea how glad I am to hear that.

All the same, if you ever have the need... I'm secure in my manhood.

Now go out and find your bliss!


----------



## nicolethefantastic (Dec 11, 2005)

Moonchild said:


> Welcome to the club
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Not that I am the expert on this at all- but I absolutely agree with being proactive about it. After all what have you got to lose? Almost a month ago now I met a guy who I really liked... and we had a good conversation and anyway I sent him a message saying that I would like to meet up with him sometime... and okay so he hasn't replied... but at least, like Moonchild says, I don't have that "what if" hanging over my head. Having said that, I know it's hard sometimes to put yourself out there- because of the fear of rejection... but if you don't try you will never know... Besides, rejection is more a reflection on THEM than you...they lose the chance to go out with a wonderful BBW and you gain the knowledge that they are not worth another second of your time  

good luck!


----------



## Emma (Dec 11, 2005)

I've never had a problem attracting guys. Well, at college lots of people talk to me, but never ask me out and on nights out I end up kissing loads of people but hardly ever get asked out. Then again I'm very picky, and the majority of guys that do ask me out get turned down lol. I do hardly get looked at when out in public in my own town.

Then again when I go to manchester (which is a very diverse city compared to my town which is around 97% caucasian) I have so many looks, like men getting eye contact and turning round to look at me as I pass. That's the only place I've only ever been asked out by a guy on the street. I was stood at the bus station and a guy walked up to me and asked about the buses. I told him I didn't know about any of them because I'm not from Manchester. Then he told me I was beautiful and asked me to go for a drink. Obviously I declined because it freaked me out. lol Oh yeah asian taxi drivers ask me out a lot too. lol


----------



## Pear320 (Dec 11, 2005)

I'm one of the "older" gals here and looking back over the years to several great friendships and two loving long-term relationships in my life, it's a little strange because - for whatever part destiny may have played in it - I met most of them at times in my life when I wasn't "actively" looking at all (yet quite open to whatever life brought my way).

I remember I was soooo not looking the day I met my last long-term. He approached me as we were both pumping gas across from one other. He was wearing a casual suit, had a neatly trimmed beard, very cute (a former NYU math professor) and I was standing there wearing a snug white tee shirt, jeans, flip flops, messy hair, and very little make-up .. just a big ole extreme pear NOT typically dressed for finding love at all  

I had just washed my car at the car wash and decided to go next door to the gas station, put air in the tires, and get gas for the week. He said "Hello" and said I was "very impressive"  and asked if he could take me out sometime. I felt a little self-conscious being dressed as I was, but said yes.

We met at the movies the following weekend in the pouring rain (not believing the other would show up in such nasty weather). But we did .. and, as they say, the rest is history. We had six wonderful years together before he became ill.

In my own personal experience (of course, everyone's is different) the "right" person always came along at just the right moment when least expected .. we filled a void in each other's lives that we ourselves didn't even "know" was there before our meeting. 

I have preferences, but NEVER set rigid "rules" on physical appearance, age, profession, wealth, etc., but always go for inner strengths and qualities. It seems the minute I became open to EVERYONE was when the most interesting and loving fellows came my way.


----------



## Carrie (Dec 11, 2005)

Totmacher said:


> Don't think I'm not attracted. I'm just shy.



Good point. 

And shy boys are teh cuteness.


----------



## JMNYC (Dec 11, 2005)

Hi, Nikki---

I should say I consider myself an attractive man, even though I'm on the shrimpy side at 5'8. And though I am married, I still like to know that women find me attractive, no matter what their size. 

And I feel invisible a good percent of the time. 

Am I invisible? I don't think so...I can see my fingers typing this.

Do most people have their attention on themselves and not on others? A resounding yes.

It also has to do with audience.

If you put me in a suit and tie and walk me into a conservative, corporate atmosphere, I will be invisible next to the Ivy league gents with their 6 feet of height and 225 pounds. Ditto most bars. 

If you put me in a situation where everyone present is an artist or writer or musician and are interested in looking beyond what's obvious, I do great.

My wife used to work for a conservative corporation. For 5 years. Whenever the office parties happened and I'd be invited, I felt old, ugly, "un-hot" and weird. All the women at these gatherings were 20 something and obsessed with being skinny skinny skinny, and all read Cosmo, Us, Elle and so on to get the absolute latest on Jessica, Paris, Jennifer. Their idea of "hot" is Ben Affleck. I am not Ben Affleck.

Now my wife works at a big media company among deejays and writers and people who are passionate about music. I go and visit her, interact with her office co-workers. I feel attractive, talented and sexy, and welcomed. They can actually see me. 

How is that possible? Did I suddenly become visible? No---it's to do with the people I put myself around.

!

A good friend once said, "Don't go to the hardware store for pizza".


----------



## Nikki80 (Dec 11, 2005)

Thank you all so much for the responses so far.  I honestly never believed I'd have so many people helping me out with this. LOL 

JMNYC, you make a good point in being in a place that interests me, rather than a place I wouldn't fit into. And Pear 320, you have a good point too about finding someone when you least expect it. 

I think though, my problem is that if I do meet and get to know a guy, it never leads to anything more. All the guys I've taken interests in, all have gifriends or are married. Another problem I've run into, is that the guy doesn't see me THAT WAY, but sometimes I see HIM that way. That is very annoying, and has made me wonder if I'm attractive to men in more than a friendly way too. A lot of my past relationships, however, all started from being friends first, then moving on to something more. I'm sure that's probably a good thing, but I don't think I've ever had a guy who seems to have a more than friendly interest in me right away. And if so, I've never known it.

Another thing is, I don't know how to flirt or anything seductive, because I believed I wasn't attractive enough to do that. Now that I don't believe that as much any more, I feel like there's so much to learn about that, if flirting works. I spent a lot of my younger years believing I was never attractive enough for any man, due to the brainwashing I mentioned earlier, and now that I believe differently, I'm not sure how to go about the whole thing. LOL :doh:


----------



## fatlane (Dec 11, 2005)

Flirting involves being confident. Confidence involves understanding you _can_ get away with speaking your mind like you've got authority. Don't worry about ticking off people when you express your confidence. They were into making you a slave, anyway.

Be uppity. It's cute.


----------



## Jack Skellington (Dec 11, 2005)

Carrie said:


> And shy boys are teh cuteness.



Thank you Carrie! I'm glad you pointed this out. 

I've seen too many single people, men especially, get criticized by others telling them that they are single because they are shy thus not projecting enough self confidence. Not every women wants a man who is full of himself or reeking testosterone. There are women who dig the nice quiet shyer guys.

Like I've always said, there is no rhyme or reason to human attraction. Being single doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong with you or you are doing something wrong. Sometimes people will just click and sometimes they don't.


----------



## Nikki80 (Dec 11, 2005)

I like shy guys myself, so that's good. A guy who is loud and boisterous turns me off faster than it would take to turn me on, to be honest.


----------



## Moonchild (Dec 11, 2005)

I'd like to point out that you can't measure shyness on a linear scale... I'm one of those loud and boisterous guys you mentioned, but no more than once in my life have I had the balls to ask a girl on a date (and never for a relationship).


----------



## Tad (Dec 12, 2005)

Nikki80 said:


> Another thing is, I don't know how to flirt or anything seductive, because I believed I wasn't attractive enough to do that. Now that I don't believe that as much any more, I feel like there's so much to learn about that, if flirting works. I spent a lot of my younger years believing I was never attractive enough for any man, due to the brainwashing I mentioned earlier, and now that I believe differently, I'm not sure how to go about the whole thing. LOL :doh:



You are far from alone in this. A lot of women and men who grew up fat, or shy, or with bad acne, or whatever else, never learned to flirt. Not all, some did it anyway, but a lot of us felt that trying to flirt was just to invite trouble. Then as an adult it is hard, because you are a beginner at something people expect you to be experienced at.

I am far, far, FAR from an expert on that subject, but the one thing I do know is that usually it is better to be a bit mysterious than all out in the open. An unexplained wink might grab someone's attention more than a straight out comment about how they are looking good, for example. It is like clothing....coverage is often more interesting than barely-there, because it creates more mystery and suspense.

Finally, over the centuries a lot of women have worked out techniques on how to keep a guy interested enough to come to the altar. From what I understand the book "The Rules" summarizes that pretty well. I'm not saying that you should follow what it says totally, but it will give you a detailed look at one often succesful way of doing things. You don't have to do things that way, but at least then you are educated on that way of doing things (I call that the "playing the game" style of relationships--personally I don't like playing that sort of game, but it works for some people).

Finally, for so many people the start of a relationship is meeting while doing something that they have in common. You get a chance to get to know each other a little that way, and find out things like relationship status, whether they keep seeming to want to talk to you, and so on. That can really make it easier to make things work, from what I've experienced and heard.

Best of luck!

-Ed


----------



## Nikki80 (Dec 12, 2005)

Thank you, Edx...I will definitely keep all this in mind. And trust me, I definitely feel silly knowing that by now, I should know how to flirt, but I don't. In my teen years, I thought I wasn't attractive enough, so I never bothered to learn. I'm definitely paying for those past thoughts now. LOL!

Moonchild, I realize that shy guys can be loud and boisterous too. I think what I should've said, was that I like the quiet type more than the loud type. How many quiet guys are out there opposed to the loud ones, I don't know, so I maybe in trouble, I may not be. LOL!

I wish I had come to a place like this a lot sooner than I did. Maybe then, I wouldn't have bought into that "most men prefer thin women" crap I believed in for so many years. Just in that one statement, I find so many things wrong with it.


----------



## Moonchild (Dec 12, 2005)

Nikki80 said:


> How many quiet guys are out there opposed to the loud ones, I don't know, so I maybe in trouble, I may not be.



More than you'd think, I imagine... They're harder to identify. It's tough to be actively quiet.


----------



## Totmacher (Dec 13, 2005)

Yeah, I'm virtually invisible to everybody except security personel  I doubt many people have it _that_ bad, but there's gottah be a good 50% or so of guys who would be various degrees of, "shy" , maybe more.


----------



## 31mike (Dec 13, 2005)

Nikki...you are probably doing nothing wrong. Let you in on a secret, most women are or can be beautiful. Look at how you dress, do your makeup etc. I am really shy...if you looked at me and smiled I would wonder whats wrong with me...then later I think "who was that awesome woman" I hope you find your happiness...havent found mine either


----------



## Jes (Dec 13, 2005)

Nikki80 said:


> Thank you all so much for the responses so far.  I honestly never believed I'd have so many people helping me out with this. LOL
> 
> JMNYC, you make a good point in being in a place that interests me, rather than a place I wouldn't fit into. And Pear 320, you have a good point too about finding someone when you least expect it.
> 
> ...



Sorry to quote all of this, but it basically sums up my experience. Maybe not the path you've taken in terms of self acceptance, but the seeing and being seen and 'we've chatted and gotten along, why is this not progressing?' thing.

You can try putting yourself into an environment where the focus is that progression. Personal ads (the paper, online), speed dating, etc. Now I'm not comfortable with every aspect of that, and for those of us who've had success there, I'm sure an equal number have not. It's not easy going and I'm quite sure (QUITE sure) that some people misrepresent themselves as single and looking for dating, but the colleague in the cube next to me met her husband through a yahoo ad, so clearly, it does work. There are ads for bbws if you want to go that route, and conrad has set up a site here as well (if you hadn't known. I haven't read the whole thread. busy.)


----------



## Jes (Dec 13, 2005)

Jack Skellington said:


> Thank you Carrie! I'm glad you pointed this out.
> 
> I've seen too many single people, men especially, get criticized by others telling them that they are single because they are shy thus not projecting enough self confidence. Not every women wants a man who is full of himself or reeking testosterone. There are women who dig the nice quiet shyer guys.
> 
> Like I've always said, there is no rhyme or reason to human attraction. Being single doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong with you or you are doing something wrong. Sometimes people will just click and sometimes they don't.



I would say though that someone willing to meet me halfway is not only attractive, it's necessary. I see a difference between testosterone laden and ...passive. And shy and passive. And for me, passivity is very unattractive (which, I am sure, also says something about me and my character). As a friend once put it: when someone acts like prey, it can really invoke my predatory side. If I smile at you, or chat you up, and you look down at the floor or think: I'll get back to her the next time she does that, then that's probably it for me. Not that I'm keeping a mental list, but I mean, it's not easy to try to get anyone to warm up. Meet us halfway, or at least close to it.

Thing is, sometimes I'm taken off guard too, simply b/c I forget I'm out in the world. I'm doing my own thing, etc. So I think, for those people who are shy and/or feeling like they don't connect well with people, practice your smile in a mirror. Practice conversation. Tell yourself before you leave the house that you might meet someone (anyone) today, and to be mentally and socially prepared for it. Hell, take a Toastmasters seminar class. I notice that when I prepare myself to be open to social interaction, I do much better!


----------



## fatgirl33 (Dec 13, 2005)

Never underestimate people's ability to misinterpret what someone else is thinking.... When I first met Samantha socially, I was immediately attracted to her. Later, when we finally started going out she told me she though I didn't like her at all in those early days! So whatever signal I was giving off, she was misreading them. Luckily she didn't put any serious stock in those first impressions, and we have been together for almost five years!

People are funny that way... Sometimes it just takes a lot of tries getting it wrong before you get it right. :doh: 

Brenda


----------



## tankgirl (Dec 13, 2005)

Speaking of being expected to know how to flirt and such....
I've pretty much always hated myself. Not entirely sure when that started, but I do. I despise myself. Far as I'm concerned, I'm nasty, a complete bitch, fat, ugly, and trashy, and rather stupid most of the time. Uneducated, and hopeless.
Most of my family shares this opinion.
Few people have tried to break me of this theory, and the few that have are complete hypocrites. I see nothing in my life that would prove otherwise, so I figure, who cares... no one else can prove to me that I'm worth it, I'm not.
Now I'm with someone I rather enjoy. He's still a helluva hypocrite, but he's fun at least. Sometimes makes me feel like I've done something right.
Sometimes.
I've had two long terms and one "one-night" (so to speak) before this guy, and he expects me to be some sort of wildcat in bed just because I'm a hellion by day. I'm supposed to know what to do with my hands. I'm supposed to know what to do with "him" that's enjoyable.
I don't know shit, my last three's idea of foreplay was "UH! Here I come!" and all of a sudden I've got this guy, and he's all about doing the 'real' foreplay thing, touch and feel and all that.
Doesn't make sense to me at all.
I've told him I've been with three others before him, and he still thinks I should have been with 30 and be completely whorish.
NOT my style.
I do everything right (according to what I've read)- eye contact, being proactive and LOOKING, being myself (since "sugar'n'spice and everything nice" isn't exactly me, I go with whatever's natural)....
And I'm still with a guy that while we enjoy eachother, I dunno. He's rude, verbally abusive (I need a pocket dictator, let him hear some of the shit that comes out of his face....), and generally doesn't appreciate me or what I do. Same as the last two long terms. It's better.... I mean, this one isn't physically or emotionally abusive- he's just got the manners of a baboon, and the patience of a 5 yr old... though HE claims to have the patience of a saint... Working with him is okay, he's also my boss/partner... I just wish he'd be NICER. More "thanks" instead of "oh, you got it done, I'm amazed you did something useful today"... THAT sort of thing. Or how about "hey, the exhaust on the Ford needs dropped," and leave it at that, instead of adding, "...needs dropped. I don't expect you'll get it done, but it needs done." SO fucking rude, and he denies it. Says he "said no such thing, why the hell are you whining now?" As in, why am *I* in tears, nevermind that he just slammed me for being useless and ignorant AGAIN....
And now he's getting butthurt that I won't let him read over my shoulder, so I should find another topic to reply to.
*grumble*
He's gonna fix his shit or he's gonna get gone.
Give me my tools back and get lost.
I don't know right now. *sigh*


----------



## Carrie (Dec 15, 2005)

tankgirl said:


> Speaking of being expected to know how to flirt and such....
> I've pretty much always hated myself. Not entirely sure when that started, but I do. I despise myself. Far as I'm concerned, I'm nasty, a complete bitch, fat, ugly, and trashy, and rather stupid most of the time. Uneducated, and hopeless.
> Most of my family shares this opinion.
> Few people have tried to break me of this theory, and the few that have are complete hypocrites. I see nothing in my life that would prove otherwise, so I figure, who cares... no one else can prove to me that I'm worth it, I'm not.
> ...




You should reread this post now that some time has passed since writing it, and see if you can see it from an observer's point of view. Are you certain that this guy isn't a passive-aggressive jerk and you're just making excuses for him right and left? Because I have to tell you, that's how it sounds. Why is it okay in any universe for him to slam you for being "useless and ignorant"? And to make you cry on a regular basis? 

Goddammit, I find posts like this maddening. Tankgirl, from what I've seen of you here on the boards, you're a very smart woman, and you have a great sense of humor. You're very likeable. You need to learn that people WILL treat you the way you demand that they treat you, and you're allowing this guy to treat you this way because as you say, you've always hated yourself. You don't think you deserve better, but you do. But the hell of it is, I could type to you for DAYS, and it wouldn't do any good. At some point you're going to need to realize yourself that you're great, and worthy of a decent guy who won't feel the need to denigrate you with sneaky little comments. 

I hope that day comes soon.


----------



## Totmacher (Dec 15, 2005)

Amen, sister!


----------



## Carrie (Dec 15, 2005)

Totmacher said:


> Amen, sister!




Heh! Word.


----------



## Buffetbelly (Dec 16, 2005)

Regarding meeting men in the restaurant you work in, hitting on waitresses is considered ungentlemanly and creepy altough flirting is OK. Ipso facto, the only men you meet at work who will be likely to actually ask you out will likely be ungentlemanly creeps. This is a problem faced by many women in service jobs, the movie "Shopgirl" notwithstanding.


----------



## wrench13 (Dec 16, 2005)

Run dont walk from this relationship. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. There are lots of us out there who have respect for women. Get that booty to some BBW dances, get some hot club clothes and meet some people!


----------



## tankgirl (Dec 16, 2005)

...Hot club clothes? Right. When I can afford to waste money on things other than work clothes, maybe. When both my trucks are running as hot as they should be, and I don't have to fuss with buying more parts, maybe. When I have an interest in clubs... and I don't have to fight to survive... maybe.
Clubs/bars/whatever: A place for me to go to get ignored just as much as if I stayed at home. ...Unless I start fucking around with my trickshots at the pool table, but that kind of attention gets irritating pretty quick. I'm not all that good, but it gets a lot of attention- trickshots are rare to see. Hell. Around here, a chick playing pool and being decent at it is kinda rare.

Making excuses for him.... could be. The times between the balls of shit are pretty worth it though, and he's nto like that all the time. That's all I can really say there.

...Looking back at that.... eh. It's not really a regular thing. Just happens. Prolly sounds like more excuses. *shrugs* I like him, and like I said- most of the time, it seems pretty well worth it.
I mean, come on. He's actually a MAN for more than 10 minutes out of the day. More than 2 hours. Shit. We usually go a few days without shit happening, but when it does, it's pretty royal.
Mostly my fault- I should be on meds, but I hate fucking meds, and I hate shrinks. More than that, I hate paying people to tell me what I already know.
That's why I got into mechanics.
I'm more passive-aggressive than he is. And he admits to being a jerk.
But he's SO much better in bed than the others I've encountered.... *swoon*

Worthy of a decent guy.... yes.
Me- great?
....
I keep hearing stuff like that, and I never know what to think.
Keep hearing this echo of a conversation my mother and I had- I was like, six or sommat.... "Mom! Richard's mom said I was wonderful for helping her with the dishes!" "Don't let it go to your head. Nothing worse than someone with a superinflated ego over nothing at all." "But she said I was a good kid!" "Why can't you do anything like that around here?"
.....
Seems that being trashed is pretty much part and parcel of my offline life. I don't know why people like me so much more online. Really. Kinda makes me wish VR was RL.

Today and last night were pretty nice. Out for dinner (!), rented some movies. Stayed up all night watching them and talking about what we're gonna do to a coupla trucks we're lookin at getting.
Then, this morning, we've all been playing King of Route 66 and 18 Wheeler. Things seem pretty fuckin decent.

Now, I gotta go find some lunch or SOMMAT before I pass out or somethin more annoying.


----------



## LynzeeMoon (Dec 16, 2005)

Hi Nikki! We're the same age and I can relate to a lot of things you've said in your posts... I too have suffered with the "invisibleness"... sucks!! It's kinda funny tho, I never used to have a lot of confidence in myself... but sometimes just acting like you do takes the cake. If you walk into a room and you carry yourself in a way that says "I'm hot, look out!" you will get looks... and you might even start believing yourself.  I went from the shy fat girl who sits at the bar and waits to be asked to dance... to the even fatter girl who walks into the room as if I own the joint!! If you have confidence, it oozes beauty and sexuality... no matter what size you are.


----------



## Nikki80 (Dec 17, 2005)

Thanks everybody for the responses so far. Lynzee, the confidence thing is still kind of a struggle for me, but I'm a lot better than I used to be when I was younger. Honestly, I have never known what it feels like to go some place and feel like I own it...much like the opposite. LOL I dunno, a part of me sometimes feels like it's wrong to actually feel that way, and that I shouldn't take pride in myself that way. That could be because of what I was conditioned to believe, and, I have no examples of confidence around me. A part of me doesn't really know what it is, though I don't hate myself or anything like that. What does a confident person look like and act like? Maybe I act like I am but don't know it. LOL

I still have a lot to learn, and I feel like I should know it all by now. LOL!!!


----------



## LynzeeMoon (Dec 17, 2005)

Of course you should take pride in yourself!!! You are you, and there is only one of you out there!! It's ok to love yourself and think you are fabulous, because you are!! Now believe me, I'm not always this confident ray of sunshine all the time lol... I have my down days. It's just about letting go and telling yourself that you deserve this... to feel good about yourself and have a good time. Who cares what anyone thinks of you, it isn't wrong to admire yourself... ((until you get conceited hehe, no one wants someone that is full of themselves lol)) It can start off with small things just like how you carry yourself, walk a little taller... you seem to have the good eye contact so thats a great start! 

It also helps to have friends that you're totally comfortable with... that you can be yourself. When I'm with my friends, I can laugh, get goofy, and have a great time... and guys like that. Another thing that helps, is when I take that little extra time to get ready... if you look extra good, you will feel extra good!! Trust me  

So far, I think you sound so sweet... and any guy who would look past you is probably a jerk off anyways  Ya never know, his cute friend behind him might be dying to ask you out!!!! 

toodles


----------

