# It's not easy being fat.



## boozekeg (Jun 11, 2007)

I remember the song by Kermit the Frog called Its not easy being green. I dont remember when it came out but I must have been a teenager at the time. That song, along with a few others, always makes me very sad. I understand what it is like to be different. I am not green. Instead, I am fat.

I wasnt always fat. Up until I was 8 years old I was just a normal skinny kid. Then one day I had an operation to remove my tonsils and adenoids (wtf is an adenoid?). I dont think that the medical practices were very modern at that time because I suffered horribly for about 2 months. I was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks and then at home (away from school) for the rest of the time. I couldnt eat anything. My parents both worked and I remember crying all day long because I was in so much pain and very hungry and there was nobody there. I was all alone. I tried to swallow food but I couldnt. Not unless I had some painkillers first but those were usually administered to me by my mother who was working all day and did not come home until late.

After I started to heal, I started to gain weight. I gained almost 100 lbs within the first year after the operation. Once I could eat again, I just got fatter and fatter. I remember my mother taking me to a doctor and asking about my weight. The doctor didnt think too much about it and just said that I would probably wear it off as I grew older. That never happened.

I dont think that fat girls go through the same things that fat boys do in school. I remember fat girls having friends. I dont remember too many friends. At that time (early 70s) there were not too many fat people around. I remember the jeers, the comments, the stares; but most of all, the isolation. Nobody can be as mean as kids towards other kids. I remember all the crying I did. It was then that I crawled inside myself. Like any repeated blow to the self, I felt the numbness from the repeated confirmation from my peers that I deserved to be punished.

It has been a long hard journey. I am now 43 years old and there are so many things I will never know. I will never know what it is like to walk along a beach wearing only a bating suit. I will never know what it is like to purchase a pair of blue jeans off the rack and they fit. I will never know what it is like to dance with a girl at the grade 9 Christmas dance. I remember watching all the other kids dance. Some were even kissing because of the mistletoe that was being passed around. I will never know what it is like to participate in school sports. The jocks didnt want fat people on their team. I will never know what it is like to get a note passed to you across the classroom by an admirer. I will never know how my life could have been different. I think the hardest part about growing up and going to school was having a crush on girls whose only reaction towards you was eeewwwww!!!! That really hurt. It still does.

So now I am this battle harden warrior. Youd never know it by looking at me. Im just another fat guy in a world of people getting fatter. Its all still there inside. All the hurt. All the suffering. All the envy. All the sorrow. Its a good thing I am such a large container because there is a lot to keep inside. I carry it well.

This website has confused me. The term FFA blew me out of the water. Imagine such a thing. A fat admirer. Unheard of. Society repeatedly beats into our psyche that you must be slim to be accepted. Who am I to disagree? I dont even accept myself just so I can have that one thing in common with everyone else. A common enemy.


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## one_shy_writer (Jun 11, 2007)

Not quite everyone else, boozekeg. Most of us here have "my first discovery of Dimensions" stories, and the early memories for many involve lots of confusion and disbelief. The good news is that if you hang around long enough, you'll see that we're all real people with this one thing in common (and lots of others, so as not to sell everyone here short). 

I'm glad you're here. Please, ask questions, tell stories, whatever comes to your mind. Others will likely tell you stories in return, and ask you some questions as well. I hope that if you hang around, in time, you'll see yourself in a different way.

And yes, we "FFAs" are real, we really do exist! There are lots of us here; I'm sure plenty will say hi and encourage you to keep posting.

In short, welcome. Stay. We're glad to have you.


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## Melian (Jun 11, 2007)

This is your thread, so I won't go on a personal rant, but trust me when I say that it is not just the fat kids who take it in school. It's everyone who is even remotely different; the ones who don't conform as hard and fast as the average kid.

Like one_shy_writer said, there are many FFAs here and we'd love for you to keep posting


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 11, 2007)

If you're carrying around an outsized amount of self loathing to go along with your larger build, you may want to consider dealing with that before trying to date.

See, lots of women either like fat guys or don't care if you're fat so long as they like one or more other things about you. But what most women over, say, 12, don't want is a fixer upper. 

Yes, we get that nobody's perfect, but all women like men who like themselves, and the last thing any woman wants is to meet a guy she likes and wind up in a short amount of time becoming a therapist. She also probably does not want to deal with whatever emotional baggage you're carrying around. Personally, I love fat guys (screen name=uncreative) BUT I hate men that either don't like themselves or who unleash years of pent up misery all over me just because I happen to find their body appealing.

It's been known to happen.

So that's that. You may want to post some pictures too, just so we can all have a look.


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## Letiahna (Jun 11, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> If you're carrying around an outsized amount of self loathing to go along with your larger build, you may want to consider dealing with that before trying to date.
> 
> See, lots of women either like fat guys or don't care if you're fat so long as they like one or more other things about you. But what most women over, say, 12, don't want is a fixer upper.
> 
> ...



I totally agree with this. And, it stands to reason that men feel the same way about self-conscious, low self-esteem BBWs (like me, but I'm working on it, I swear!)


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## Letiahna (Jun 11, 2007)

And I really should welcome you here, my apologies. 

We have all gone through this, in one way, shape or form. For me, it is still a journey of self-acceptance, and one that I intend to complete. 

Hope you stick around. This place is definitely worth it!


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 11, 2007)

But a lot of people, fat, thin, black, white, Asian, straight, male, female, are not popular. Look, for most people, childhood sucks. Being a teen? It pretty much sucks for every single person worth anything.

Don't look at this as people saying, "Why, you really haven't suffered!" Look at this as people saying your pain is not unique and you're not alone. That said, some fat people are immensely popular, good-looking, interesting, and people want to be around them. Instead of being miserable that you had a sucky childhood, why not think about what you can do to improve your life now?


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## Tooz (Jun 11, 2007)

boozekeg said:


> I think the hardest part about growing up and going to school was having a crush on girls whose only reaction towards you was eeewwwww!!!! That really hurt. It still does.



Change girls to boys and it's "ahh memories"


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 11, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> B]some fat people are immensely popular, good-looking, interesting, and people want to be around them[/B].



cough*BHB*cough


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## Blondeegrldd (Jun 11, 2007)

boozekeg said:


> I don’t think that fat girls go through the same things that fat boys do in school. I remember fat girls having friends. I don’t remember too many friends.



Of course everyone's experiences are different, so I can't say that I think this sentence is wrong. But my experience was the opposite. Fat guys were teased, no doubt. But the ones I saw in school took it in stride, on the outside at least. They would make a comedy routine about how fat they are. 

I was a chubby girl, certainly not huge, but I was teased a ridiculous amount of the time in school. I would burst into tears in the middle of class. I didn't know how to hide my hurt feelings. And big girls have to deal with walking in the shadow of their "prettier" and thinner friends, which SUCKS. 

It's horrible to be overweight in schools these days, regardless of gender.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 11, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> cough*BHB*cough



Ha. Good for him to have fans. 

But prime example: My brother is a good-looking, accomplished, happy man with a great life. He had to work harder because he was fat, but it can be done!


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## TCUBOB (Jun 11, 2007)

It's not easy being anything. But yeah, fat is the last frontier in that respect because it's still ok to essentially treat fat people in a manner that would be considered completely unacceptable towards people of other races, creeds, genders, etc. I know people who didn't get jobs because they were fat; I see people mocked because they're fat. But I also see plenty of fat people overcome it to succeed......and maybe I can be one of those people, whether it happens for me fat or thin.

As for fat boys vs. girls, it's equally hard to be either when you're of school age, IMHO, but it is WAAAAAAY more difficult to be a fat woman later in life. Women are judged far more frequently on their appearance and to be fat and a woman can essentially shut entire paths of life off to you. It's still tough being a fat guy, but not nearly so....again, IMHO.


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## cammy (Jun 11, 2007)

100 lbs in one year at age 8 - and the doc not concerned?


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## Love.Metal (Jun 12, 2007)

I'd love to say "I know how you feel", but I don't; so I'll just relate on any level I can. I was an outcast too, I think we all felt like we were in some way or another. I was the geeky, gothy kid in the corner that no one talked to. My brother was the skinny, angry boy who never showered...whatever. Don't let it rule who you are now; kids are mean. Don't get bogged down by things you think you'll never do, try and be positive about what you can do, even though it is soooo much harder than it sounds. And it is totally cliche, but if you have negative feelings, you'll feel badly. 

Surround yourself with positive things and positive people, like all of the wonderful people here on the boards!! As an FFA, I wish I had stepped up and spoke out for all you fat boys in school. But since I didn't, I'm standing up now. Because do you know what FFA REALLY stands for...?

Fat is Freakin' Awesome!!!

I agree, stick around and give it all a shot. Just stick your big toe in and give the water a feel, it's great here  I hope your experiances only get better from here. Best of luck!!


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## squurp (Jun 12, 2007)

Boozekeg,

What you've described, are some emotional issues and some serious emotional trauma, that maybe needs to be dealt with. I'll tell you, I can sympathize, though I was never as heavy as you describe in school. But, the things you are describing are not exclusive to overweight people. 

I hope you continue to visit this page. In time, maybe you'll begin to experience a better life. Maybe, you can heal a bit. And, maybe you can begin working on that list of things you say you'll never experience. 

All of that, and more, is possible. 

It does take time though. And, FA's, FFA's, all of the above are real. . . rare, but real.

Good luck to you!


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## boozekeg (Jun 12, 2007)

Thank you for all your comments and insight. Im still blown away from the thought that there are FFAs out there. There definitely are not very many where I live.

I will admit that my experience has contributed to my success. When I was younger and others were pursuing love/romance, I was pursuing education. I know quite a few of the people from High School were forced to be parents early and never continued with any post-secondary education. Whereas I, on the other hand, didnt have anything to do on the weekends so I studied.

However, I know that I am far from normal on the inside. I go through my daily routine like everyone else, but, I know on the inside I am altered. Everything from my attitude, sense of humor, emotions, sexuality, and spirituality has all been warped by my experience growing up. The real sad part is that I cannot share what is really inside because anytime I have; nobody could understand or relate to it. Although I fit quite well into the world of adults, I have to put on a false front. I guess everyone does. But I just cant relate to some common experiences that everyone else shares. For example, if the group in the coffee room starts talking about the time they were dating as teenagers, I cant relate. When they talk about finding that great outfit that makes them look hot, I just cringe. I dont show it on the outside, but the confusion still sets in on the inside. Its not like I can share with the crowd about the time I was teased out of the cafeteria at school. I could even turn it into a funny story but theyd all just stare at me with horror for even mentioning it.

Oh well. I suppose I just have a bad attitude. I like my bad attitude. I could turn around and growl at everyone in the elevator with an evil look in my eye and make them all poop their pants. I can walk down dark foreboding alleys on the bad side of town and the punks and creeps scurry away from me. I may be big but I can sure move fast. Its strange. Im not scared of a hand full of gang members but if some little kid yelled hey fatso Id stick my tail between my legs and run away. That is part of the warped inside that I experience.

One thing that really miffs me is; how come there isnt a hate crime for teasing someone about his weight? Why arent there public service television ads on fat sensitivity? Its not like being fat is uncommon anymore. Even Kristy Alley figured out how to cash in on her weight. So how come you never see fat people on Survivor?

Oh no, Im ranting!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Thats OK. It didnt cost me anything.

Heres to all you FFAs out there. The world needs more of you. I need more of you (at least one would be nice). I wonder if fat was in and slim was out if all us fat people would tease and ridicule all the slims? I dont think I want to know the honest answer about that one.

Have a nice day!


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## Zandoz (Jun 12, 2007)

cammy said:


> 100 lbs in one year at age 8 - and the doc not concerned?



The lack of concern was not uncommon, back in the day. The medical side of my story has a somewhat similar path....it sorta kinda revolves around the whole tonsil adenoids thing. I was a big kid before a series of health problems surrounding getting multiple childhood diseases, multiple at a time, while at the same time getting tonsil infections, one of which spread through my whole system and nearly killed me. Once hings were under control, and the tonsils and adenoids removed, the doc told my dad that it I'd not had more meat on my bones than most kids, I'd probably not have survived. From that point on it was made sure that I was going to have that extra meat on my bones. Long way to point...that was the early 60s with me at 1st grade age...I never again had a doctor mention my weight gain, even though over 200 lbs within a couple years, until I was in my mid 20s and over 300. The whole medical community obsessed with weight really is a product of the last 20 years or so. Before that it was basically, "Your fat...you eat too much...you'll either get over it, or you won't". 

And I still have no clue what adenoids are either.


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## Zandoz (Jun 12, 2007)

missaf said:


> Adenoids are infection fighters just like tonsils, except they can filter particulates you breathe in and out, as well as producing anti-bacterial substances. They rest right behind the tonsils where you can't see them.
> 
> Something to ask both of yous guys without your tonsils -- did you have to take steroids of any kind for swelling as kids?



I have no idea what I was given. At that age, they don't tell you...they just stick you, or stick it in your mouth and tell you to swallow.


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## butch (Jun 12, 2007)

Hey Boozekeg,

Funny, our childhood experiences are different but yet we're both sort of at the same place. I've always been fat (well, not right at birth, but then, all babies are roly-poly if they've been carried to term and don't have any health complications, so, maybe I was fat from birth, but I digress), and pretty much always been one of the two or three fattest kids in my peer group growing up. I just started big and steadily got bigger and bigger as I aged, and yet, I never was the one the kids picked on. Yes, I did get picked on once and awhile, but it wasn't much different than the teasing that almost all kids get growing up. In fact, I was fairly popular as an elementary school kid, and I have no idea why. Even weirder? Boys liked me in elementary school, but then adolescence kicked in and nobody thought I was dateable then.

But, still had a good peer group who liked me, even if we weren't the popular kids. We were part of that huge anonymous group in the middle-neither at the top or the bottom of the social ladder, and that suited me fine. But still, I didn't date anyone as a teen. But, had some degree of the same experiences the thinner kids did-I was asked to prom, I went to parties, I went to the beach, etc. I was good at sports, and good at my studies, so that helped, I'm sure, in my ability to have a good number of the child/teen experiences that 'thin' kids have.

I mention all this because even though I had a good childhood in terms of how I related to my peers and the shared experiences I had with my peers, even if I was still really fat, my adulthood hasn't been so hot. I really don't know why that is. I've dated very infrequently, I have good friends (never a lot, though), but they tend to cycle out of my life at a quicker pace than I would like, and almost all of the 'adult' experiences that I could share with my peers, I don't have. I can't join in and talk about a broken engagement, say, or a first mortgage, or an IRA account, or picking out the flowers for my wedding, or going to 'play group' with my kid. I don't have many crazy bar night stories with my friends, or couples-only dinner party tales to tell. Hell, I've never even picked up someone from a bar and had a one-night stand. I don't have a lot to share about the basic things adults 'do', and yet I'm not a child anymore. It is a very perplexing and frustrating place to be.

My point is, having a good 'childhood,' (or, at least one that wasn't plagued by being singled out for being 'different' by your peers) is no immunity from having adjustment issues as an adult. I'm not trying to play the pity violins here or anything, but it is my truth, and I share it because there really are no guarantees in life that any experience, good or bad, is going to make your life better. Hell, many of my friends have had truly horrific childhoods-full of abuse and broken homes and the like, and they have great adult lives, full of love and prosperity and all the things they deserve, hell, we all deserve. But it comes from within, and that, as other people have said, is something that you have to work on yourself regardless of your life experiences.

It is really really hard, and I'm not very good at it, but I keep plugging away, with the occasional self-pitying tirade. What else is there? I'm not trying to criticize or demean your experiences, boozekeg, but wanted to share that being fat isn't always a horrible thing that you can't prosper from. It ain't easy, it can be soul-destroying at times, but ultimately it isn't our bodies that fuck us up, it's our minds, and whenever I feel really low (which is often, lately), I remind myself that it is what I've got going on between my ears that fucks me over, not my fat body.

Oh hell, I think I've gone off on another self-indulgent tangent again. Sorry 'bout that.


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## Letiahna (Jun 12, 2007)

butch said:


> ...ultimately it isn't our bodies that fuck us up, it's our minds...



This is so true.


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## boozekeg (Jun 12, 2007)

missaf said:


> did you have to take steroids of any kind for swelling as kids?



I don't think so! But then again, who knows what is in those prescriptions.


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## boozekeg (Jun 12, 2007)

butch said:


> my adulthood hasn't been so hot



I try and make due with what I have (whatever that is). What I don't understand is the constant feeling of lonliness. As much as I hate it, I also crave it.

If I am ever at a function with lots of people like a wedding or another type of gathering, I find myself wandering off to be alone with my thoughts.

I suspect it is intimacy that I crave and not the open social environment.

Or maybe peer approval. I work with this one woman who is an absolute stunning tall slim blonde bombshell. Very nice person but she fully admits that at lunchtime she likes to walk by the construction sites to hear the catcalls from the workers. It boosts her ego.

I think that is what I need too sometimes. I need to walk by a group of FFA's and let them whistle. I'm sure that would pick up my spirits on most days!


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## butch (Jun 12, 2007)

boozekeg said:


> I try and make due with what I have (whatever that is). What I don't understand is the constant feeling of lonliness. As much as I hate it, I also crave it.
> 
> If I am ever at a function with lots of people like a wedding or another type of gathering, I find myself wandering off to be alone with my thoughts.
> 
> ...



Oh man, I know what you're saying. The loneliness is the one thing that makes it so hard to deal with all the negative crap in my mind. I never have an answer for that when I'm feeling lonely.

And yes, wouldn't it be awesome to get that whistle sometimes? I still remember the metro driver who briefly and innocently flirted with me over a year ago, and wish I had more moments like that.

I wish you nothing but the best, and hope you spend a lot of time here, enjoying the attention of the FFAs. They're a good group of women here at Dims.


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## one_shy_writer (Jun 12, 2007)

boozekeg said:


> I need to walk by a group of FFA's and let them whistle. I'm sure that would pick up my spirits on most days!




Darlin', check out any of the other threads in this forum where guys have posted pictures of themselves. Those things all we women say? They're not just to boost egos. We really mean them. So as soon as you feel comfortable to show your face (or your body, if you want to remain anonymous, as many understandably do) here, I'm confident that you'll get that very boost you're looking for. No, it's not quite the same as walking down the street and getting wolf whistles, but don't count us out. 

I know what you mean, about hating the lonliness but craving it at the same time. Just like so many others have said, I was an outcast as well in grade school. I wasn't particularly fat (a bit chubby, but that was the least of my problems), particularly unattractive, or particularly anything. But I just didn't fit in, for whatever reason. I got laughed at, shunned, turned down, shut out, whatever. As I've gotten older, people don't think I'm so weird anymore (I've been told I've mellowed, but I don't feel any different, lol) but there are times when I get the urge to push away the people (I have taken to growling at people before as well! LOL) who are close to me because I'm not used to having people who don't look at me like I'm some sort of monster, or as if my "weirdness" is contagious. I'm getting over it with each year that passes. But it's a long, slow process. The key is to finally decide when you want to stop hiding behind the "bad attitude" that keeps you safe, but also keeps you lonely. It's hard to let yourself be vulnerable to people. But when you find people worth investing trust into, it's not so scary to drop the shield and let people in. Just gotta find people you can trust.


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## Tad (Jun 13, 2007)

I was away for a few days, so I'm slow in replying to this thread. A lot of what I would have said has already been said (and probably more concisely!) by others. Still, it never hurts to say welcome, so: Welcome! Stumbling in here may have been one of the better moments of your life, I kid you not.

See....here you can share those stores. I see you are in Alberta, and just a few years older than me, so I wonder: did you have to do the Canada Fitness Testign in school? You know, the flexed arm hang, shuttle run, fifty yard dash, etc.? I was not as heavy as you were, but I remember waiting my turn for the flexed arm hang each year, dreading it, praying that I'd manage to life myself up, and--sadly--praying that someone else would have a shorter hang time than I did. But then I'd hear of some kid in another class who didn't manage to pull themselves up, and my heart would go out to them, and I'd wish I could go talk to them about how we felt, but I never knew how.

Grade eight graduation was a fancy dress affair at my school, boys encouraged to wear suits. I was given a hand me down suit from my brother. My slightly built and exceptionally athletic brother. It was baby blue--he was five years older than me, and that was no longer in style. It was so tight on me that my mom had to put a safety pin across the fly (on the inside) so that the zipper would not come undone from the pressure. Yep, that gave me a lot of confidence on that night...

I'm sure you have more, and worse stories. But there are guys here who went through similar things. Feel free to share some of them.

But also focus on the future. Yep, big parts of the past may have sucked. But if you stay focussed on that, the future will probably suck too. Somehow, you have to get past it. I don't know if talking here will help you do that, but it sure is not apt to hurt it.

Best of luck.

Regards;

-Ed
PS. There have been a scattering of people posting from Alberta over the years. hang around and keep your eyes open, you may meet some others.


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## boozekeg (Jun 13, 2007)

edx said:


> Canada Fitness Testing in school?



yep!

The worst was the Junior High Phys-Ed instructor who thought it essential that everyone do 10 laps around the whole school yard (4 soccer fields big) during class.

I didn't finish first.

I didn't even finish by time class ended.

I hope I benifited from the experience.

We don't discuss the shower/locker room adventures.


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## William (Jun 13, 2007)

Hi Blondee

You are right both genders have their Fat Issues and telling one side that it was not that bad for them is no consolation. We guys hold on to our pain until you see us on the Cops TV Show 

Seriously guys could learn something from Women about dealing with emotions. Working in a Rehab I see too many guys have their first "public" cry in their thirties

William




Blondeegrldd said:


> Of course everyone's experiences are different, so I can't say that I think this sentence is wrong. But my experience was the opposite. Fat guys were teased, no doubt. But the ones I saw in school took it in stride, on the outside at least. They would make a comedy routine about how fat they are.
> 
> I was a chubby girl, certainly not huge, but I was teased a ridiculous amount of the time in school. I would burst into tears in the middle of class. I didn't know how to hide my hurt feelings. And big girls have to deal with walking in the shadow of their "prettier" and thinner friends, which SUCKS.
> 
> It's horrible to be overweight in schools these days, regardless of gender.


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## boozekeg (Jun 14, 2007)

I truly appreciate everyones comments. It has helped me to come to a conclusion of what I need to accomplish.

I wish you all well in your pursuits and hope you all find success at the end of your journey.

Thank you


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 14, 2007)

boozekeg said:


> I truly appreciate everyones comments. It has helped me to come to a conclusion of what I need to accomplish.
> 
> I wish you all well in your pursuits and hope you all find success at the end of your journey.
> 
> Thank you



Self-acceptance is an ongoing journey and most folks find it easier with friends. Not pressuring you to stay, but it's a thought.


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## one_shy_writer (Jun 14, 2007)

Good luck, boozekeg. Come back and say hi sometime, let us know how you're doing.


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## Wanderer (Jun 16, 2007)

William said:


> Hi Blondee
> 
> You are right both genders have their Fat Issues and telling one side that it was not that bad for them is no consolation. We guys hold on to our pain until you see us on the Cops TV Show



(thumbs up) He's not kidding, folks. Funniest guy I ever knew in high school was pushing 400 at the time, and utterly miserable. But the stereotype is for a fat man to be jolly...

But yeah, both sides have their issues. It's a _little_ easier for men than for women, simply because additional size tends to draw attention and make you seem more forceful (I'll reveal the boring facts about that at the end of this message).

Similarly, boys who get fat don't get nearly the grief that girls do, simply because we're boys. I weighed 200 pounds at age 10, and had no "stern talks" (verbal abuse) from our doctor whatsoever. My sister, OTOH, had to accept the "carrying a 5-year-old boy around" talk every time she went in.

(chuckle) In point of fat (ba-dum-bum), I rather enjoyed being a 200-pound ten-year-old. I was oblivious enough to ignore what teasing there was, and still mobile enough to climb the quarried limestone in the playground. (Okay, that chain-link fence I climbed was never the same again, but still... ) Heck, I even enjoyed popping the snaps open on my jeans (ah, memories) by taking a deep breath. Even having the seat of my pants split open was just mildly embarassing...

Here's to returning to the glories of youth!:eat1: 

Yours truly,

The well-fed,

Wanderer

P.S.: Here are those boring details of why fat makes us seem more forceful and assertive. The fatter we get, the less obvious the small muscle contractions which signal uncertainty become. Couple that with the larger visual area we occupy, and we present the appearance of increased surety, simply because we don't "twitch" as obviously.


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## William (Jun 16, 2007)

Hi Bob

I do not think that the divide between the public expectations of Fat Men and Women is as far apart as you described. Fat Women tend to get more direct abuse because both men and women feel more free to attack Fat Women.

The best example that I can use to show that public pressures on Fat Men are significant is that even on a Fat Accepting Site like Dimensions most Fat Men will not include a full photo of themselves and a significant amount of Dimensions members still express that it is not alright for Men to be Fat.

William





TCUBOB said:


> It's not easy being anything. But yeah, fat is the last frontier in that respect because it's still ok to essentially treat fat people in a manner that would be considered completely unacceptable towards people of other races, creeds, genders, etc. I know people who didn't get jobs because they were fat; I see people mocked because they're fat. But I also see plenty of fat people overcome it to succeed......and maybe I can be one of those people, whether it happens for me fat or thin.
> 
> As for fat boys vs. girls, it's equally hard to be either when you're of school age, IMHO, but it is WAAAAAAY more difficult to be a fat woman later in life. Women are judged far more frequently on their appearance and to be fat and a woman can essentially shut entire paths of life off to you. It's still tough being a fat guy, but not nearly so....again, IMHO.


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## PolarKat (Jun 16, 2007)

William said:


> Hi Bob
> 
> I do not think that the divide between the public expectations of Fat Men and Women is as far apart as you described. William



I don't even think that's the issue, the divide is completely different.. few poeple (only the drunk or weird) will outright criticize a fat guy.. it's simple darwinism.. don't piss of the big guy or you'll end up in lots of pain. ex: "Let the wookie win"...
For fat men (also men in general), we don't have any mental outlet, or support, we don't do "heart to hearts" with our buddies, mom's, dad's, or siblings. That's something we mostly do with a SO.. We bottle the stuff up and become self destructive.. etc.. and even statics show that we're more likely to pop a cap in our heads than seek help from a stranger.. we learn to be all smiley and happy on the outside while being dead on the inside, that's how we survive well on the outside world in work and society... but when it comes relationships, you'll hear the FFA's say it often, we come with baggage.. it's something you rarely hear from FA's


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## Letiahna (Jun 16, 2007)

PolarKat said:


> For fat men (also men in general), we don't have any mental outlet, or support, we don't do "heart to hearts" with our buddies, mom's, dad's, or siblings. That's something we mostly do with a SO.. We bottle the stuff up and become self destructive.. etc.. and even statics show that we're more likely to pop a cap in our heads than seek help from a stranger.. we learn to be all smiley and happy on the outside while being dead on the inside, that's how we survive well on the outside world in work and society... but when it comes relationships, you'll hear the FFA's say it often, we come with baggage.. it's something you rarely hear from FA's



I'm sorry I don't have anything constructive to add to this but, I agree. And it is so so sad in more ways that I care to explain. Let's just say I'm seing this first hand, on a person I really care about and it's hard and you feel powerless.


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## chickadee (Jun 16, 2007)

Boozekeg:

You may be able to find some good support here to help you on your journey towards self-acceptance. At the very least, there will be some women who are whistling at you and some people who want to help you process through some feelings. 

I believe, wholeheartedly, that it is possible to take the pieces of a broken childhood and use them to refashion a better adult life for yourself. It's never too late to start.


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