# My path here



## Leem (Dec 28, 2016)

So many of you don't know me that well as I am fairly new. I am looking for some advice but in order to get there, you will need to understand part of my journey to here. So it is a little long, sorry.

I had never really heard of the fat acceptance movement, although I have been fat since my mid twenties and have since become super sized, I guess I just never encountered or read anything about size acceptance. 

But last spring I was reading a well done, long term scientific study (by reputable scientists) on people who had gone on a diet and lost weight. It was shocking to me, even though it completely mirrored my own experience, most people(meaning over 50 %) put the weight on plus more in the first couple of years after losing weight, another chunk did so within five years and after ten years a whopping 97%had regained the weight plus some. Which means dieting was only successful for ~3%.

I had always been trying to lose the weight ever since I put it on, I didn't accept it or myself. Upon reading the article(don't remember where), I was devastated, but not being someone who can ignore facts forever, I finally accepted that this is me. I weigh around 400lbs give or take fifteen lbs. I not only accepted it, I started to think I am darn cute why have I been buying into this crap that I am not worthy or cute at any size. 

This turn around, on how I view life, has changed a lot about me. One of the biggest changes has been in my confidence and self esteem. I don't know when I allowed it to be stripped from me but it had been. Or maybe it was never very strong to begin with as even when I weighed 130-140 in my teens I felt I was fat. Of course I wasn't but that is the message that I received; I wasn't perfect enough. 

Another huge change is in getting things done, no longer do I put things off until I am fit enough or have the self confidence to do something. So this summer was the most productive I have had in the past 5-7 years. I either got things done myself or hired somebody recognizing I couldn't do it and probably never would be able to(knowing I won't be part the that 3% to keep the weight off).

I have also felt a general clearing of a lot of the depression I have experienced along the way(weigh) there have been a few bumps that I have experienced regarding my depression but in general I have been doing a lot better. Amazing how that happens when you can love and accept yourself .

There has been a huge shift in my life, most of it positive. There have been a few negatives as well, some that have come out of left field so to speak. 

One of those areas is that most of my relationships have shifted. I have some people who are close to me that simply cannot accept that I won't go on another diet again in my life. I simply won't. All that will do is to cause me to eventually put the weight back on plus some. To paraphrase Einstein, it is crazy to keep on doing the same thing expecting different results. 

These are people that I love. It has been very difficult for me, and we have still not come to a resolution. Interestingly it has been the people who struggle with their own weight that have rejected my new view point the most and have done their best to argue with me about this issue. 

Mind you I have not shoved my new view in their face nor attempted to change their point of view. I have simply rejected all suggestions that I try this or that diet, and have not beeen willing to agree with them that I am not acceptable the way I am. 

On a happier note my brother has been the most accepting and loving about this transition and for that I am extremely grateful as I have needed his support and unconditional love. 

I say all this to ask for some advice. How do I deal with these people? Also as I am sure I will encounter other problems, for those that have traveled this path what other problems will I have or have you had when moving towards acceptance?

I need all the help I can get so even if you are not a BBW/ssbbw please feel free to comment.(mod if you feel this should be posted elsewhere feel free to move it)


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## AmyJo1976 (Dec 28, 2016)

I think you have made it past the biggest hurdle of self acceptance that goes a long way toward being happy. As for others, you can't change the way they feel really. Time will do that for some. The best thing to do is to learn to look past the negatives from people you want to keep in your life and put some distance between you and those who drag you down the most. Big changes are always hard to adjust to. I admire you for being as strong as you have been so far. I hope you have found the support you are looking for here


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## jcas50 (Dec 28, 2016)

I found your story interesting, and I too feel that dieting is an exercise destined to fail. I have yo-yo dieted over the last two decades plus, sometimes serious at losing, sometimes accepting gaining. I'm 5' 7". I started off in 1995 around 190, have gotten as low as 178, am currently 241, near my recent high of 250. i seriously try to eliminate many foods during lent, (3/1 to 4/15) including no alcohol. I expect to be down to 220 by Easter. I realize that the yo-yo dieting has health risks, but if I did not do it I expect I would settle in at a higher weight than I feel comfortable with. 
I accept my size, and enjoy how it feels and looks. I tire of family members that feel it is their duty to shame me into becoming a diminutive size I would have no interest in. I am glad that you too are have accepted and even appreciate your size. We are who we are. We are not someone else. 
Good luck on your journey and welcome here.


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## loopytheone (Dec 29, 2016)

Wow Leem, thank you so much for sharing your story/experiences here. This parallels so many things in my own life, it's actually kinda shocking to me.

As for people who wont accept your new viewpoint in life... well, I don't think there are any simple, easily solutions to it, though I'm sure you know that. One thing you could do is make it clear to them that your weight is something personal to you and not up for debate etc. Let them know that you can agree to disagree on this topic and agree not to bring it up with each other again.

Although my story is a little different to yours, I remember how much my mother would harass me when I first started really getting fat. This eventually led to me snapping and reminding her how mentally and physically ill I was at my thinnest, how I was suicidal and constantly in physical pain. And that what she was saying was essentially "Why can't you be more like that again?". That has actually permanently shut her up on the topic, much to my surprise.


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## agouderia (Dec 29, 2016)

Leem said:


> One of the biggest changes has been in my confidence and self esteem. I don't know when I allowed it to be stripped from me but it had been. Or maybe it was never very strong to begin with as even when I weighed 130-140 in my teens I felt I was fat. Of course I wasn't but that is the message that I received; I wasn't perfect enough.



This probably is the key to the majority of weight gain histories among women.

Fat-bashing and weight-loss harassment is inflicted upon legions of totally normal teenage girls, with medically normal BMI's - simply because the teen girl ideal is plain underweight. And not every female can physically and psychologically meet it.

The social pressure to conform ruins self-esteem, starts frustrating diet-careers, contributes to depression, fuels more weight gain than would happen otherwise - and leads to women wasting a significant chunk of their energy on this 'problem'. Energy which could be much more productively used on other endeavors to get ahead in life.

I often wonder what the social and medical tally of this harm inflicted millionfold would amount to - and if stopping this process wouldn't save a big chunk out of the claimed health costs for the so-called 'obesity crisis'. It's a pervasive issue nobody is aware of, that has no lobby - and could be changed so easily.


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## AmandaLynn (Jan 4, 2017)

You are very brave and inspiring to post this.


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