# Sad State of affairs



## Ruffie (May 16, 2012)

My husband had to have an angioplasty and I had posted about it over the past two days on my Facebook page. However yesterday after the procedure, he was needing rest, so I went shopping. I bought myself a pair of capris that were four sizes smaller than I used to wear and was in shock. I posted about it and all do a sudden there are people liking the post and commenting. 
What is up with people that only a few would comment to wish you well with the angioplasty,but mention you lost a few pounds and it seems that is worth the time ? I just don't get it.


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## Dr. Feelgood (May 16, 2012)

Ruffie said:


> What is up with people that only a few would comment to wish you well with the angioplasty,but mention you lost a few pounds and it seems that is worth the time ? I just don't get it.



I think a lot of people are ill at ease with the idea of illness and aren't sure how to respond when someone is having an invasive procedure. I suspect there is also a certain amount of superstition involved: "if I don't talk about it or think about it, then nothing bad will happen." OTOH, weight loss is generally regarded as the crowning glory of a life well lived, so congratulating someone on it is viewed as sharing a moment of transcendental happiness.


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## Yakatori (May 16, 2012)

Some folks struggle in expressing themselves in any situation of gravity. I would be surprised not to notice any at a wedding or funeral. Others are confounded by "small-talk." 

Ah, Facebook....


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## LoveBHMS (May 16, 2012)

Let me ever so gently suggest that people take their cues from you. I don't know how you posted about either the angioplasty or the weight loss, but were they inviting comments? It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you were excited or shocked in a good way about losing weight. It can be an accomplishment. Obviously not if you lose weight due to depression or a medical problem, but maybe it was due to a healthier eating plan or a new level of discipline with your exercising. People will be happy for you, and if you posted it on FB they will comment.

Also as Dr Feelgood said, people may feel uncomfortable discussing illness. They may see medical issues as private and not something to comment on. Maybe a friend's husband died of a heart attack and it's a painful issue.

Lastly, it's FB. Did you look at the breakdown of who did the commenting? I honestly would never mention a health/medical issue with somebody who wasn't a relative or close friend. But FB friends can be coworkers, friends of friends, or Dims poster you've never even met. More comments on something not really private like weight loss versus a serious medical issue seems to make sense.


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## Ernest Nagel (May 16, 2012)

Hope the hubby is better soon. Please keep us posted. Many care but may not post. Those who dwell mainly on themselves always seem to find time to indulge their obsession. You're in our hearts and thoughts.


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## ConnieLynn (May 16, 2012)

First let me say that I'm sending positive thoughts out for both your husband and you. It's not the first time I've sent them out, but the first time I've commented. I know from recent posts that the road has been bumpy for a while. 

Regarding Facebook, the partner of an acquaintance of mine recently passed away. I just know him to speak to now and then, and didn't know his partner at all. So while there were numerous posts about her passing, I just did not feel comfortable to comment about something that is so personal. I will give him my condolences when I see him in person.


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## Saoirse (May 16, 2012)

One time I posted about losing ten pounds due to sickness. I said I was puking and shitting for 2 days straight and I felt like death.

Oh but everyone was so happy for me! 10 lbs!!


:doh:


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## Ruffie (May 16, 2012)

Thank You everyone for your insights and kind words. I guess with all that has been going on in my life, frustrations are bound to build and things that you just let roll off your back normally get on your nerves with stress.


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## hal84 (May 19, 2012)

Best wishes for his health. As for facebook for some its hard to be emotional balanced and aviod those situations.


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## Theatrmuse/Kara (May 19, 2012)

Ruffie, I have been praying for you and your husband. I don't always post, but know you are loved and protected by many here at Dims.


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## sarahreign (May 20, 2012)

Probably because weight is the only thing that matters these days...i mean theres a whole WAR dedicated to it!!! I wish you both well in both of your situations though!


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## Ruffie (May 20, 2012)

Thank you again for the prayers and positive and protective energy being sent our way. Know that is appreciated and felt!
I agree with you sara about weight being the only thing that matters to the shallow and vain in our society. I have been forced to work hard to regain my health and mobility after the car accidents and falls. As a result I lost weight. I will probably lose some more as we have to switch to a heart healthy diet so my husband can regain his health and prevent future problems with blockages let alone having a heart attack. I just find it so shallow that people think that my losing weigh is so much more of an accomplishment than all of the other things that I have done in my life. That the strength it takes to deal with a mother with terminal cancer, injuries and rehab from them, financial struggles and husbands health issues are not as important as the physical strength and the appearance I have from losing weight. Thankfully there are people in my life that do love me not just the package I come in. And the people who see, appreciate and support me are the ones that I need to concentrate on. As I mentioned before there are times when it all gets a little much and your reactions to the shallow, biased, and uneducated people can be knee jerk. We have to do our best every day to live our best life and success is the best revenge.


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## moore2me (Jun 28, 2012)

Ruffie,

I did not see your post about your husband's heart procedure. I realize it has been almost two months ago - I hope he is doing well and at home being a pest like regular husbands (or at least Mr M2M does). I have noticed in your posts during that time and thought your new avatar pix looks very, very cute - like a new woman. I did not want to say anything about that until I read this thread and it explained your modified appearance. You go girl. Anyway a chick can keep looking younger or turn back the hands of father time is a good thing in my book. 

I believe now it is appropriate to tell your husband good luck with his new younger looking wife.  :kiss2:  :kiss2:


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## Ruffie (Jun 29, 2012)

moore2me said:


> Ruffie,
> 
> I did not see your post about your husband's heart procedure. I realize it has been almost two months ago - I hope he is doing well and at home being a pest like regular husbands (or at least Mr M2M does). I have noticed in your posts during that time and thought your new avatar pix looks very, very cute - like a new woman. I did not want to say anything about that until I read this thread and it explained your modified appearance. You go girl. Anyway a chick can keep looking younger or turn back the hands of father time is a good thing in my book.
> 
> I believe now it is appropriate to tell your husband good luck with his new younger looking wife.  :kiss2:  :kiss2:




Thank you for the kind words. He is dong very well. Has lost 40 pounds and was back to work the week after his procedure. I will have him home over the summer as he works in education and hoping he will work on things around the house we have on our list for years. We have set up an exercise room in our house and like I said not eating cleaner and exercising specifically for weight loss, but to continue to recover from my injuries and build strength and retain mobility. Hubby laughed when he saw your comment about the younger looking wife. Again thanks.


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