# Random Thoughts



## stldpn (Jan 10, 2010)

You know I've been looking at the postings here, and thinking about an article I read last week.

I'm not trying to be rude, but it seems like a lot of the guys who come here looking for dating advice are a touch... socially inept. Knowing how to talk to people let alone talk to women is a skill that hasn't developed because it's become so easy to socially insulate oneself. They've made it easiery to live a whole life staring at a screen. Any Ideas?


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## rabbitislove (Jan 10, 2010)

*looks around for Escapist*


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## Horseman (Jan 10, 2010)

I had a girl tell me recently that the women around me -- especially one in particular, who has twice in the last two months rushed into my arms for several days only to back away -- were really missing out. That I am a remarkably nice guy who really knows how to charm to a woman and will be a real catch for someone.

Of course, this was said by a gorgeous 22-year-old stripper who was being paid to sit on my lap. ... But I _think_ she was being sincere. :smitten:


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## Paquito (Jan 11, 2010)

Escapist will probably be the best person for this job.

I know that I come off snarky 99% of the time, but I really mean that Escapist would be suited for this.


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## escapist (Jan 11, 2010)

lol Ok you guys, yeah this is my territory lol. I had big huge long post made and my browser crashed!

stldpn - I don't think your observation is rude as long as it is meant to be objective and truly seeking understanding or resolution. I think blaming lack of social skills on the ease of social insulation isn't the entire part of the problem.

Modern American Culture doesn't have consistent structure that helps boy's become men. We are no longer the tribal society that once passed a young man off to the Chief and tribal elders for his right of passage into manhood. Where he would endure whatever ritualistic pain and or test of becoming a man were required. Once that line was crossed he was to be a man and put off the boy and be as a man, stronger, more confident, willing to stand his ground and he was expected to take a mate.

Instead our culture has movies and TV shows about silly ideas of how this stuff happens. We have romantic comedy's about guys standing under windows holding playing music at the right moment in the right time that magically creates attraction. Guys are inundated by the media to believe that having flowers and always saying the right thing is what you have to do and be. Lets not forget to mention the "Fear of Approach". Many guys before they are forced to break down there wall of self protection hide behind that fear. They forget that often times this is no longer the society of a tiny tribe where pissing off the only woman available will mean your alone forever or a social outcast for life.

I don't think anybody on here is to blame for social ineptitude most the time the need for such social skills is never even recognized. You are totally right that how you interact with men is just as important as how you interact with women (Leaders of men have always been at the top of the food chain). I do share the view and hope that someday there will be classes in school or something that teaches such concepts of social dynamics. In day's past people relied on religion or other constructs for the growth of individuals. It seem for many that the idea of "SIN" (To Miss the Mark) is seen as something you must NEVER do. Guess what mistakes are meant to be made...and is it really a mistake if you learned something from it? I'm not saying if your religious the first thing you should do is go against it. I am saying don't hide your life because your afraid you might mess up.

You guys have guessed well, I've talked to A LOT of people in PM/Chat about all this. Probably more than any of you would expect. Even lurkers who never post. It has been my joy and my pleasure to help others go for there dreams. I have had classes here in Vegas, often some of the early classes are about exactly this topic. How to be social. How to open any group and talk to them. You would not believe how easy and how hard this can be for some people. In one class I had a guy who couldn't even say hello to 1 woman. He could talk to guys all night, but could not say Hello to 1 new woman. His buddy on the other hand, he came running back for more because he couldn't believe how easy it was to just jump into groups of new people and actually have a GREAT time with no social awkwardness....he came rush back for more, "How do I get numbers?"

In short, at some point a choice has to be made. Do you want to have a closed off life of depression and suckyness or do you actually want a life where wonderful women are all around you? It really is a choice. At the very least its easier to find the right person your looking for if you have a selection of amazing people who you have a great connection with.

I will be having a Seminar next week 21st - 22nd here in Vegas. _ - The focus will be on developing social skills for personal and business life. You know the kind of thing when your at a big mixer/social/business gathering and need to make good solid connections that can build into long term relationships._


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## stldpn (Jan 11, 2010)

I suppose my thing is... if you read the article, the author points out something that is actually quite troubling. Facebook, myspace, yahoo, photobucket, flickr, livejournal and youtube, they've all billed themselves as community generated content and social networking sites. Special interest boards like this one fancy themselves communities, but really when you sit and think about it, the more time I sit here, the less time I spend in a truly social environment. It's nice being able to pop off a missive about my deepest held opinions from the comfort of my couch. But what does it accomplish? Especially when I could have had the same conversation with a local down at the pub. Are we really so frightened of each other?

I didn't used to think so, until I suddenly looked around and realized that there was an entire generation dealing with the implications of a rumor or photo that one of their classmates posted on facebook five years back. It made me recognize why you have a few kids vowing to unplug and rejoin the real world. Honestly I've been toying with the idea myself. On the 1st my job ended and I gave up my iphone, for about two minutes I missed it, then I realized how much time I'd spent playing with it and not getting anything tangible in return. When I realized how much I was paying for crummy cell service, I actually considered the unthinkable, ditching the cell getting a landline and an answering machine. The idea of checking my messages when I got home from wherever rather than being instantly accessible gave me a little head rush. If, I didn't think it might have negative impact on my ability to get a job in the tech industry I think I'd do it today. 

We are obsessed with being accessible, but we barely speak to each other. What's the world coming to?


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## Horseman (Jan 11, 2010)

stldpn said:


> Special interest boards like this one fancy themselves communities, but really when you sit and think about it, the more time I sit here, the less time I spend in a truly social environment.



Absolute fact.


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## JenFromOC (Jan 11, 2010)

Oh Jay...your posts are so long that I can't sit still long enough to read the whole thing 

I'm gonna show up at your workshop LOL


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## jdwhitak (Jan 11, 2010)

I feel ya! I have a tendency to browse the Internet and look at the same stuff over and over. I know it's a complete waste of time, but in a way I can't help it. I tried Myspace once a few years back and realized early on that it's nothing but a giant circle jerk. I don't do any of the social networking site these days.

I understand what the original poster is getting at though. A while back I realized that most people lead lives of quiet desperation. People that I thought would have a easier time at things turned out to be in the same boat as me!


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## escapist (Jan 11, 2010)

For me they are very socially viable tools. I have over 100 Friends on Facebook: family, friends, co-works, people I meet at parties, people I've gone to social gatherings (Like the Local Las Vegas Hashers). Like many others I have Facebook as an app on my phone So I can get all their info and make sure we can re-connect later..

I may be the exception to the rule but I know others who are just like me. A friend of mine has well over 1,000 people on his Facebook and I know he has talked face to face with almost every single one of them. I had to create rules for getting your name on my cell phone address book because I had to many "clones". When I met Chicken Legs in person I told her she would have to be [RealName] #4. I introduced her to [RealName] #3 who happened to be sitting on my shoulders while I played around with her. Just to many people with the same first/last names so now I require, a photo, First Name, Last Name, Nickname, Phone number & e-contact info. Thats just to get your name in it.

I think when it comes down to it people are either introverted or extroverted. You will never be able to wire me so much that I wouldn't enjoy having a party with friends or total strangers (something that takes work to get used to). I am so extroverted that I had little problem teaching myself to be totally at home with 100% total strangers. This is partly why I can go to a coffee shop, end up getting the baristas phone number and go to a party that night with her and have just a great time.


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## olwen (Jan 11, 2010)

Stldpn, social networking sites are just tools. Not the end all be all of social interaction for people. How could it be? My friends and I use FB to plan our weekends sometimes. One person throws out an idea and the rest of us say yay or nay and then call up people who don't have FB and boom, we're all sitting in a bar on the appointed time and day. 

I don't know anyone in my real life who prefers the computer to real life interaction. Also, I live in a huge city where sometimes there's just no space. Sometimes not interacting too deeply is just a way to respect other people's space. I hate it when people try to talk to me before I've had my coffee. I just want to zone out and catch up on sleep on my way to work, not talk about some random nonsense. Saying "hi, how are you?" is about as much as I'm willing to say in the morning, just to be polite and acknowledge the people around me. No more, no less.


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## chicken legs (Jan 11, 2010)

The other night the power went out due to a traffic accident, and we ending up playing monopoly, read a story or two, and went to bed. Stuff I usually do. It made me think about what people did before electricty... and that was going to bed early..lol.


The thing is, for people who have hectic lives..there is no such thing as a social life anyway. I don't know when I updated my myspace, I have Twitter'ed a few times, and have yet to even make a Facebook page. 

I guess what I'm saying is..if you didn't have time to hangout and chat like a socialite before the net..you really dont have time after the invention of the net.


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## stldpn (Jan 11, 2010)

jdwhitak said:


> I feel ya! I have a tendency to browse the Internet and look at the same stuff over and over. I know it's a complete waste of time, but in a way I can't help it. I tried Myspace once a few years back and realized early on that it's nothing but a giant circle jerk. I don't do any of the social networking site these days.
> 
> I understand what the original poster is getting at though. A while back I realized that most people lead lives of quiet desperation. People that I thought would have a easier time at things turned out to be in the same boat as me!



I suppose what startles me is that I don't think it's just most people. I think it's almost everybody. I mean it's not hard to build a facebook and fill it with people you've come in contact with. If you went to a highschool with more than 200 students in your graduating class, went to an undergrad with another 200 or so people in your program, completed a doctorate and did a residency you can fill a facebook/myspace/twitter up with plenty of people you don't really have time to keep up with before you've even finished your training. Add to that, friending the right people at work has become a new social science.

I don't think I'm alone in being the type of person who wants to surround myself with genuine people who are genuinely accepting of the real me. It's not that I want to share everything with everyone. But I want to share enough of me that I can reasonably believe I made a difference in their lives. I'm not looking for a hit and miss shotgun effect. I'd rather have ten people know that I loved them sincerely in a special platonic and innately human kind of way. The fact that I'm consistently questioning whether or not they know how much I care is my main issue in life right now. That's why I really really think that going smaller and cutting out the endless texting and twittering might be better for me personally. Because let's face it, eye contact is important. It's how we convey all the most important emotions. When you talk to someone and look them in the eye it's so much easier to speak from a place of authenticity. 

This too cool for school Fonzi stuff really cuts down on the important moments with the important people I think. We're all taught to think that the coolest guy with the most contacts is better off, but is he? Is he really? does any of it really give his life meaning? How many pieces of yourself can you honestly reasonably give away ?


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## stldpn (Jan 11, 2010)

olwen said:


> Stldpn, social networking sites are just tools. Not the end all be all of social interaction for people. How could it be? My friends and I use FB to plan our weekends sometimes. One person throws out an idea and the rest of us say yay or nay and then call up people who don't have FB and boom, we're all sitting in a bar on the appointed time and day.
> 
> I don't know anyone in my real life who prefers the computer to real life interaction. Also, I live in a huge city where sometimes there's just no space. Sometimes not interacting too deeply is just a way to respect other people's space. I hate it when people try to talk to me before I've had my coffee. I just want to zone out and catch up on sleep on my way to work, not talk about some random nonsense. Saying "hi, how are you?" is about as much as I'm willing to say in the morning, just to be polite and acknowledge the people around me. No more, no less.



The idea is a simple one though... outside of your facebook friends... how much time do you spend just talking to your neighbors? Do you even know your neighbor anymore? the only neighbor I know, I know because there were issues with my lot line when I bought the property. Mr S seems like a nice guy, but I don't really know him. We have unnecessarily complicated ourselves. And more often than not, something that was supposed to be a tool has consumed people.


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## stldpn (Jan 11, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> The other night the power went out due to a traffic accident, and we ending up playing monopoly, read a story or two, and went to bed. Stuff I usually do. It made me think about what people did before electricty... and that was going to bed early..lol.
> 
> 
> The thing is, for people who have hectic lives..there is no such thing as a social life anyway. I don't know when I updated my myspace, I have Twitter'ed a few times, and have yet to even make a Facebook page.
> ...



read the article I sited in my intitial post.. I swear it raises the question better than I ever could... I think about what life was like for me at the age of six living in SC... the way that everybody knew my grandmother... knew my family... because everyone was more interdependent. Rural communities used to always be that way.When you needed something knowledge/material/physical help being a good neighbor could mean the diff between starving and keeping the roof over your head. Now we're all far too busy being important. But really what are we busy with?


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## olwen (Jan 11, 2010)

stldpn said:


> The idea is a simple one though... outside of your facebook friends... how much time do you spend just talking to your neighbors? Do you even know your neighbor anymore? cause I don't. We have unnecessarily complicated ourselves. And more often than not, something that was supposed to be a tool has consumed people.



I actually do know some of my neighbors since I end up getting dragged into tenant's association business. There are 300 units in my building so the building's list-serv is often the best way to exchange information since we all can't always make it to the tennant's association meetings. And there is a laundry room in the lobby, which is a good way to get juicy gossip. Most of my friends are on FB and the ones who aren't, well I just call them up and talk or arrange to meet up somewhere's to socialize. 

I think the thing about FB that consumes people most is the games. I'm not a gamer so they don't interest me much, and as a consequence I don't spend as much time on it as other's might. To me, it's just a tool to a)make plans with people, b)chat with people who live far away - cause it doesn't eat up your cell phone minutes. 

...I just can't see social networking sites replacing actual social interaction for most people, and like you or someone said, a lot of young people like the interns at my job have sworn off FB and myspace in exchange for phones and email. Eventually the way that FB rules negatively affect your actual relationships drives you to give it up. If you break up with someone then have to go and virtually break up with all their friends on your FB page then yeah, it's probably time to find some other way to interact with people. I think that fact alone will keep FB and the rest of the internet from taking over your life. Even here on this site there are regular meetups all over the world that give people a chance to meet each other face to face. And for people who don't get a chance to always do that, they do end up making real lasting friendships with other people here. That has to count for something. Like I said, to my mind the internet is just a tool for meeting people. And even on teh interwebs you still need to have some sort of system of etiquette to sustain relationships, otherwise you wouldn't get very far.


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## chicken legs (Jan 11, 2010)

stldpn said:


> read the article I sited in my intitial post.. I swear it raises the question better than I ever could... I think about what life was like for me at the age of six living in SC... the way that everybody knew my grandmother... knew my family... because everyone was more interdependent. Rural communities used to always be that way.When you needed something knowledge/material/physical help being a good neighbor could mean the diff between starving and keeping the roof over your head. Now we're all far too busy being important. But really what are we busy with?



I did read the article. However, being from Las Vegas (which is a mix of rural and city in a small area) and still living here, has shaped my view in a different way. To me, the net is just another tool, just like a washer machine or cell phone. I am still involved in the community, with family, and with friends. If the net were not around, "socially inept" people would just lose themselves in books, hobbies, or whatever. "People persons" are born and those of us who are not just make friends with those who are..lol.

I feel you need a hug..losing your job is a life changing thing. I just lost my job the end of November. I, too, am evaluating myself and my habits, and wondering what really is important and what my next step will be.


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## escapist (Jan 11, 2010)

stldpn said:


> read the article I sited in my intitial post.. I swear it raises the question better than I ever could... I think about what life was like for me at the age of six living in SC... the way that everybody knew my grandmother... knew my family... because everyone was more interdependent. Rural communities used to always be that way.When you needed something knowledge/material/physical help being a good neighbor could mean the diff between starving and keeping the roof over your head. Now we're all far too busy being important. But really what are we busy with?



Oh, ok, that's where I wasn't getting you. That hasn't changed for some people ya know? Last time I moved into a community like that (2006) some 20 people showed up at my house in 30 minutes to help me move in. Like I said some people are Introverted others are Extroverted. Some of us know how to create a large pool of resources from almost nothing in almost no time. Chicken Legs has even commented to me how amazing it is I can keep a huge list like of everyone and everything in my head. Whenever I meet someone I make a list of qualities attributes and whatnot for further reference in the future.

Even here in Vegas making contacts and connections is important, its not so much who you know, its who knows you! Using Tech Devices as a social tool is a small part of the big picture.


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## escapist (Jan 12, 2010)

I gotta say, you have to realize I'm basically the Online version of the guy who vowed to live his life offline. I mean come on how many times I have I even said right here on the boards, learn to talk to women at the store! Hell one time a women not only gave me her number she bought my groceries and we spent an hour more in her car chatting and having fun. 

I can't even tell how many times I've had friends come over to fix my cars and everything else. When I started getting paid to be corporate schmoozer it only got worse (or better depending on how you see it). I got to know most the business owners in the town I lived in. Hell I was happy just to get great free food, a phone, and spending cash complements of the company. It soon became a resource I called upon often. 

My life became all about the "escapist" discount. My wife at the time once commented that there wasn't a single place we could go where people didn't know me. She was probably right. I'm so online it isn't funny. I've been publishing websites since 1995. It soon came into play with my social skills. I put local artist online for an artist representation group. For that I was compensated free tickets to many, many shows and events where I was almost always dragged on stage or introduced to even more business people and owners for being "The Guy". I often used my connections to bring multiple girlfriends with me to concerts and backstage events.

No phone or tech toy is going to stop me, if anything I'm going to use it as a tool to be social and I sooo have. I keep pictures and video of the places I go the things I do and the people I see. I keep pictures of my artwork and everything else on there. Its a great social tool and I love it.


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## Melian (Jan 12, 2010)

stldpn said:


> The idea is a simple one though... outside of your facebook friends... how much time do you spend just talking to your neighbors? Do you even know your neighbor anymore?



Unfortunately, yes - they are complete asshats. 

As someone who spends a lot of time online (during the workday only, however) yet still maintains a large number of real life friendships, I feel I must add that I'd way rather chat online with someone I actually LIKE, versus talking to some douchebag in person just because we share a wall.


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## RJI (Jan 12, 2010)

stldpn said:


> The idea is a simple one though... outside of your facebook friends... how much time do you spend just talking to your neighbors? Do you even know your neighbor anymore? the only neighbor I know, I know because there were issues with my lot line when I bought the property. Mr S seems like a nice guy, but I don't really know him. We have unnecessarily complicated ourselves. And more often than not, something that was supposed to be a tool has consumed people.



Thats sucks you don't know your neighbors. 
I've lived in the same house for most of my life and purchased the house from my grandparents when they retired mostly because i love my neighbors. We get together regularly for beers and BBQ's and every summer baracade the streets for a full block party. 

I do agree with what you say, most of the younger people i encounter under 25yrs old really have no people skills and spend way too much time in front of a computer or TV. 
My niece and nephew both communicate via Text Lingo and it effects their grades and well they are just dumb! My nephew plays upwards of 8hrs a day of video games and will most likely live in his moms basement and kill everyone at his first place of employment.


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## stldpn (Jan 12, 2010)

Melian said:


> Unfortunately, yes - they are complete asshats.
> 
> As someone who spends a lot of time online (during the workday only, however) yet still maintains a large number of real life friendships, I feel I must add that I'd way rather chat online with someone I actually LIKE, versus talking to some douchebag in person just because we share a wall.



I spent three months in city council meetings argueing with mr seaberry. The corner of his new house was on my property due to some sloppy property surveys. He didn't seem to understand that legally I could have it bulldozed. Since the rest of my property is bordered by city and community trust land I was simply trying to engineer a landswap instead. For some reason he thought he had a choice in the matter. But he's old, and I doubt he understood fully that giving up twenty feet off the northern property line in the back of the house was easier than having to rip up the portion of his home that was on my property. He's currently raising issue with the fact that prior to the official property swap I razed a few trees and created a new driveway on my side of the property line. 

Real estate trouble seems to follow him though. Four years ago he split his lot and built the house he lives in now. He vacated the house on the corner that he used to live in and sold the option on the deed rather than selling outright. Six months ago the woman that bought the option on the deed passed away from a spider bite before the land officially passed into her possesion. Now he and the woman's family are trying to work a deal that will keep everybody out of the soup. :doh:


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## Melian (Jan 13, 2010)

stldpn said:


> I spent three months in city council meetings argueing with mr seaberry. The corner of his new house was on my property due to some sloppy property surveys. He didn't seem to understand that legally I could have it bulldozed. Since the rest of my property is bordered by city and community trust land I was simply trying to engineer a landswap instead. For some reason he thought he had a choice in the matter. But he's old, and I doubt he understood fully that giving up twenty feet off the northern property line in the back of the house was easier than having to rip up the portion of his home that was on my property. He's currently raising issue with the fact that prior to the official property swap I razed a few trees and created a new driveway on my side of the property line.
> 
> Real estate trouble seems to follow him though. Four years ago he split his lot and built the house he lives in now. He vacated the house on the corner that he used to live in and sold the option on the deed rather than selling outright. Six months ago the woman that bought the option on the deed passed away from a spider bite before the land officially passed into her possesion. Now he and the woman's family are trying to work a deal that will keep everybody out of the soup. :doh:



Ok.....yours beats my guy, who just works for UPS (that's pretty bad, though), smells like wet dog and complains about the music/game noises coming out of my apartment.


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## the_captain (Jan 13, 2010)

MySpace. Facebook. Twitter. Just a few short years ago these terms described your immediate vicinity, a high school yearbook and birdsong. Now they describe the way most people communicate here in the 21st Century. Now I dont want to go all Andy Rooney on you, and I'm not berating people who use these websites, but I've never seen any use for them myself. Why do I want to know what people are doing every minute of every day? Why would they want to know what I'm doing? Yes, I'm probably old-fashioned, out of touch, etc., but I think that people today are technologically over-stimulated. I see folks constantly texting (texting while driving is a real hot button issue right now) or talking to themselves...oh, wait, I didnt see that gizmo stuck in your ear. Sorry. The other night I was watching TV and my service provider was promoting a new sports channel featuring the Australian Open - with six different screens showing six different matches at once. And all the scores and stats at the touch of a button (where DID I put that remote?!) Whoa!! Thats just too much at once for my not-yet-senior brain to deal with! I could just picture myself shooting out the screen, a-la Elvis.

I dont own a Blackberry or an I-phone. I have had the same cell phone for seven years. It makes calls, and it receives calls. I dont have a clue what else it does, because all I ever needed it for was making phone calls. Its interesting to see the reactions I get when I tell people I cant email pictures or find myself with my GPS because my phone wont do all that. They look at me as though Im stuck in 2003. Im not, but my phone is.

A few years ago, after being deluged with pop-up ads for Classmates.com, I decided to join for a year. Within a week I had found and emailed all the old acquaintances I could find. Two actually wrote back. Once each, then they were gone again. I let my membership lapse. Even though Classmates constantly emails me reminders to renew my membership, I probably never will. Methinks that sometimes the past is better left in the past.

I come to sites like Dimensions (and a few other boards) to make new friends with people who share similar interests, and who usually live so far away that I will probably never meet them in person. But I also stay involved with local activities that keep me in social settings with real people. As others have said here, things like I-phones and social networking sites are good tools to use if you have a need for them. But they are not a be-all end-all. Human beings are by nature social creatures and need face-to-face interaction with others. So while I am forced to live the rest of my life in the Facebook world of the 21st Century, it doesnt mean I must participate in its foibles. I much prefer the quaint old pursuit of one-on-one conversation. That way I can show you my cell phones shortcomings in person.


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## steely (Jan 13, 2010)

You have a point, Captain. I don't even own a cell phone and probably won't, it's nothing I need or am interested in. 

I do enjoy my Facebook. When you have family that live 10 hours away, it's nice to be able to keep in touch and see pictures of birthdays, Christmas, special events in their lives. My family is very important to me. We like to keep in touch online but we talk on the phone often and cards and seeing each other when you can.

I don't know my neighbors, more than to wave. I am a very private person and they seem to be the same. I'm fairly isolated in my woods, the lots are fairly large. It's just me, I like privacy. But the world is so much larger that it used to be. You can meet people online with vastly different ideas and backgrounds and ideas. I find that very enjoyable. My neighbors are people who, for the most part are similar to me.

Now, the ladies that I have met from here are priceless. They are simply wonderful people and I wish we had more time to meet and get together. We have a wonderful time. So, I am glad that I participate in a site where I can meet some of the people face to face. It is a wonderful experience. I think that I may be on the cusp of old fashioned and the computer generation. It has it uses that I enjoy but it is no substitute for getting together with family and friends when you can find the time.


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## OneWickedAngel (Jan 13, 2010)

Captain, I fully understand about the cell. Can my mobile do much more? Yes. Do I bother to use many of the other features? No. My cell is primarily for my phone/text, my calendar and my emails in a pinch and that's all. 

Like Olwen and others, I use the internet (and social networking sites) for what it is, a tool. I just don't get the fascination with all these games and apps. I find them a huge waste of my time. I'd rather spend three hours at a diner with a few friends and acquaintance, than three hours in front of my computer playing mob boss, alien hunter, campus socialite, or whatever. Hell, I barely watch TV anymore because of the time drain. 

Have we met face-to-face and/or broke bread more than once? At the very minimum had we have multiple involved online conversations (such as this) where we could get a sense of each other? There are several Dimmers I have never met, but I would friend (or have friended) in a heart beat because of convos like these or via PMs. There are others I have ticked-off because I will not accept friend requests from people just because we're on the same social networking site. I have close to --what-- three hundred Facebook friends? I have met/socialized with at least 85% of them face-to-face in the past year alone. The remainder are ones in which I have been in good contact with over time that the only difference between them and the 85% is distance and opportunity. 

To me, the point of a social networking site is to "Go online to get offline". I pretty much live by that. I go online find things to do if I'm in the mode to do things, meet with the like minded and go do them. I am a very social person online and off. As many of my friends can attest, my FB is as loaded with pics of the things I do away from the PC. If anything, I think I've become more of a social Mothra offline because of the amount of time I spend online if that makes any sense.


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## escapist (Jan 13, 2010)

What I find funny is your all talking about the big bad internet, social networking sites, and forgetting the Dimensions is one! We have profiles, Photo's, PM, IM's, Link's on our profiles to other social sites, we have places were we publicly post our thoughts and feelings on a way deeper level than any I would post on my FB account. Just because the structure, focus and popularity of Dims is different than the current Trendy Social Networking sites doesn't make it any less of one. It just happens to have more content like stories and pictures of people on the larger side of life.

I don't know about you but yeah I've made lots of new friends from this place. Hell I even live with someone I met here. Its practically an online dating service too.


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## steely (Jan 13, 2010)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Captain, I fully understand about the cell. Can my mobile do much more? Yes. Do I bother to use many of the other features? No. My cell is primarily for my phone/text, my calendar and my emails in a pinch and that's all.
> 
> Like Olwen and others, I use the internet (and social networking sites) for what it is, a tool. I just don't get the fascination with all these games and apps. I find them a huge waste of my time. I'd rather spend three hours at a diner with a few friends and acquaintance, than three hours in front of my computer playing mob boss, alien hunter, campus socialite, or whatever. Hell, I barely watch TV anymore because of the time drain.
> 
> ...



I'm glad you're my FB friend.  I haven't met you but I certainly would love to do so! You never know, I may just make it up that way one day.

My FB is also loaded with pics of things I do when I'm offline. It's so funny to me, everyone gets all excited to see what I'm up to next. I really thought I had no life but evidently it's more of a life than I thought! LOL


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## stldpn (Jan 14, 2010)

escapist said:


> What I find funny is your all talking about the big bad internet, social networking sites, and forgetting the Dimensions is one! We have profiles, Photo's, PM, IM's, Link's on our profiles to other social sites, we have places were we publicly post our thoughts and feelings on a way deeper level than any I would post on my FB account. Just because the structure, focus and popularity of Dims is different than the current Trendy Social Networking sites doesn't make it any less of one. It just happens to have more content like stories and pictures of people on the larger side of life.
> 
> I don't know about you but yeah I've made lots of new friends from this place. Hell I even live with someone I met here. Its practically an online dating service too.



It's a mixed bag though escapist... I haven't been active here long... I have met someone who I like a lot... but I've also heard an astounding amount of anecdotal evidence about how this website has caused issues in marriages.

I'm not saying I believe that the marriages were fine and it can all be blamed on dims... but I will say that lets me know that just like in the real world there's plenty of opportunity for this little website to do lots of damage. 

It's the funny thing about the internet. Circa 1995 or so it was a lot more communal now it seems it's mostly anonymous, raunchy, sexualized and time consuming.


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## escapist (Jan 15, 2010)

stldpn said:


> It's a mixed bag though escapist... I haven't been active here long... I have met someone who I like a lot... but I've also heard an astounding amount of anecdotal evidence about how this website has caused issues in marriages.
> 
> I'm not saying I believe that the marriages were fine and it can all be blamed on dims... but I will say that lets me know that just like in the real world there's plenty of opportunity for this little website to do lots of damage.
> 
> It's the funny thing about the internet. Circa 1995 or so it was a lot more communal now it seems it's mostly anonymous, raunchy, sexualized and time consuming.



LOL Noooo it was just like that in 95' trust me! Back then it was IRC (Internet Relay Chat) and whatnot. The really bad stuff is still on IRC because its not monitored like other more popular services. Before that it was BBS's. My good buddy who is coming down for the Adult Industry conference next week had one of the Major BBS's for some freaky stuff. It has always been been around if you were looking for it you would find it pretty fast. Hell back in 95 was when the Word Stuffing was big time method of SEO (Search engine optimization). This was before Search engines would penalize you for using the same word more than 7x in a row in your keywords and description meta tags. The result was Porn PORN PORN PORN PORN PORN. Often you would run into pages just like that. The google method of Page Ranking didn't even exist yet. It was Porn a Plenty everywhere and there was no content regulation or filtering even created or thought of yet. I think you are just seeing it your way though your eyes. For me and others I know in 95 was probably when I was at my worst! This is VERY tame compaired to the things I would say and do back in that day.

I think for those suffering from relationship issues, well from those who I know it comes more from a lack of understanding of the fetish and/or tolerance for it. I met Chicken on Dims. Although I had little understanding of what an FFA was really like. I think in the end the issue would have surfaced with or without DIM's. The FA's I know are very thankful to have a place where they can chat with other FA/FFA's about something that for them is just a natural part of who they are.


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## OneWickedAngel (Jan 15, 2010)

stldpn said:


> It's a mixed bag though escapist... I haven't been active here long...* I have met someone who I like a lot... but I've also heard an astounding amount of anecdotal evidence about how this website has caused issues in marriages.*
> 
> I'm not saying I believe that the marriages were fine and it can all be blamed on dims... but I will say that lets me know that just like in the real world there's plenty of opportunity for this little website to do lots of damage.
> 
> It's the funny thing about the internet. Circa 1995 or so it was a lot more communal now it seems it's mostly anonymous, raunchy, sexualized and time consuming.



It's typical human interaction. There are dozens of perfectly fine, loving relationships on Dims. You don't hear as much about them because, let's face it -- bad news and gossip travel faster and further. Multiply that by the insular / fishbowl nature of this site and yes, it will look like there is more bad than good going on here. If someone on Dims catches my interest, it's because of that person not Dims. If I lose interest, again it's because of that person, not Dims. A relationship whether budding, holding or declining is only as strong as the hearts in it. 

I ditto Escapist in that the internet has always been as sexualized as the persons looking for it. That's not going to change, especially here in the US. I've been around the internet before you had to be "over 18" to see certain things and OMG the things you could see. It's only as time consuming as an individual allows it. If it's not the internet it's television and /or video games as the time time consumers.


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## stldpn (Jan 15, 2010)

escapist said:


> LOL Noooo it was just like that in 95' trust me! Back then it was IRC (Internet Relay Chat) and whatnot. The really bad stuff is still on IRC because its not monitored like other more popular services. Before that it was BBS's. My good buddy who is coming down for the Adult Industry conference next week had one of the Major BBS's for some freaky stuff. It has always been been around if you were looking for it you would find it pretty fast. Hell back in 95 was when the Word Stuffing was big time method of SEO (Search engine optimization). This was before Search engines would penalize you for using the same word more than 7x in a row in your keywords and description meta tags. The result was Porn PORN PORN PORN PORN PORN. Often you would run into pages just like that. The google method of Page Ranking didn't even exist yet. It was Porn a Plenty everywhere and there was no content regulation or filtering even created or thought of yet. I think you are just seeing it your way though your eyes. For me and others I know in 95 was probably when I was at my worst! This is VERY tame compaired to the things I would say and do back in that day.
> 
> I think for those suffering from relationship issues, well from those who I know it comes more from a lack of understanding of the fetish and/or tolerance for it. I met Chicken on Dims. Although I had little understanding of what an FFA was really like. I think in the end the issue would have surfaced with or without DIM's. The FA's I know are very thankful to have a place where they can chat with other FA/FFA's about something that for them is just a natural part of who they are.



Umm I still use IRC... and while it presents more security issues I still like it better than any of the java chat platforms... Why? because it takes effort to use a relay client like mIRC. It's the elitist in me that goads me on in the belief that sometimes older is better, but so be it. 

As far as porn and content regulation goes that's not what i'm talking about. In 1994 the women on the internet were almost as geeky as the guys,hookup happened sure, but there was a pretty good reason for the porn to be rampant. The demographic of the average computer user has changed... significantly... and it did so with the advent of the evil beast America Online circa 1996 with the release of AOL 3.0 for win 95. Windows created an easy to use interface, and America online made it possible for people with no computer skills whatsoever to access the internet. And as far as I know that was the first point in time that even illiterate hillbilly's began using the internet to look for anonymous truck stop hookups with guys and girls.
My arguement was this... sometimes with user generated content, the other users are the issue.


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## stldpn (Jan 15, 2010)

OneWickedAngel said:


> It's typical human interaction. There are dozens of perfectly fine, loving relationships on Dims. You don't hear as much about them because, let's face it -- bad news and gossip travel faster and further. Multiply that by the insular / fishbowl nature of this site and yes, it will look like there is more bad than good going on here. If someone on Dims catches my interest, it's because of that person not Dims. If I lose interest, again it's because of that person, not Dims. A relationship whether budding, holding or declining is only as strong as the hearts in it.
> 
> I ditto Escapist in that the internet has always been as sexualized as the persons looking for it. That's not going to change, especially here in the US. I've been around the internet before you had to be "over 18" to see certain things and OMG the things you could see. It's only as time consuming as an individual allows it. If it's not the internet it's television and /or video games as the time time consumers.



:doh: As late as 2004 you could search a usegroup for "girl ****ing a horse" and pull up all manner of amature swedish sodomy... couple driven amature sites were actually commonplace and relateable as late as 1998... I still remember the addy for my favorite bhm+hot redheaded wife site... sadly they couldn't compete with the deluge of paysite porn that came later... not to belabor the point but I think the issue comes when you try to pretend that a pc is truly social...


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## OneWickedAngel (Jan 15, 2010)

stldpn said:


> :doh: As late as 2004 you could search a usegroup for "girl ****ing a horse" and pull up all manner of amature swedish sodomy... couple driven amature sites were actually commonplace and relateable as late as 1998... I still remember the addy for my favorite bhm+hot redheaded wife site... sadly they couldn't compete with the deluge of paysite porn that came later... *not to belabor the point but I think the issue comes when you try to pretend that a pc is truly social..*.



I'm sure several of those same types of sites can be pulled up now, if one cared to search diligently enough for it. 

I totally agree with you on the above bold statement. The only true social interactions are face-to-face within physical reach. I don't care how people communicate whether via forums/boards like this, chats, IMs email etcetera on a regular basis. At some point there has to be to actual physical contact for it to flourish beyond the well-known acquaintance level. I think it's one of the reasons the various bashes are important to so many. We (humans) are predominately social creatures by natures and need that dynamic.


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## Eshadowgirl (Jan 15, 2010)

*Hi Hi everyone 
I'm new so bear with me......
This forum is a lot busier than others i've belonged to...so feel free to send me around the right directions...*
*Hope to chat/get to know a lot of new people...:happy:*


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## stldpn (Jan 15, 2010)

OneWickedAngel said:


> I'm sure several of those same types of sites can be pulled up now, if one cared to search diligently enough for it.



Yeah trust me diligence is not the issue it's been over 10 mos since I had a live in. I've yet to find anything that really interests me in the paysite dept.


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## bigbri (Jan 15, 2010)

I like technology but I won't be a slave to it. It's nice to have a cell phone, so I can let people know if I am running late, or I need to verify my reservation, or Ican be reached or reach someone in an emergency, etc. I just refuse to believe it is necessary to walk down the street with an ear bud, talking away, or even taking it into the men's room to make business calls. Yes, there is an attorney in the building where I work that does just that! The internet can be more immediate than a hand written letter but I still send real greeting cards for birthdays etc. Where it can enhance my ability to form or maintain a relationship I gladly accept it, afterall I met my wife through Yahoo personals, but I also deserve time to and for myself alone.


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