# Icebreakers



## bmann0413 (Aug 18, 2011)

Y'know when you want to talk to a girl you find attractive, but a simple hi just doesn't work? What do you do to break the ice?


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## CarlaSixx (Aug 18, 2011)

A quick and kitsch little magic trick.

Seriously, I see this quite a bit and it seems to be the most successful thing. Pickup lines don't work, "hi" is losing its spark, and randomly trying to start a conversation out of nowhere seems to freak them all out.

But a quick and cute lil magic trick... like a sleight of hand... will get their attention  It's happened every time. I imagine it has something to do with capturing their mind's attention. Women love when you stimulate their mind


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## sco17 (Aug 18, 2011)

*takes notes* lol


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 18, 2011)

First of all, smile. If she smiles back, you're in business. Then, a compliment -- if you can deliver it in a relaxed, offhand way -- sometimes works wonders. Do NOT compliment her on any part of her body! That will kill her interest faster than anything. Clothes are good: if you say "nice top" or "love the shoes" you are complimenting her on her style and good taste (and who doesn't like that?). Besides, she probably spent considerable time deciding what to wear and worrying about how it looked. So you're bringing her good news, which should predispose her to feel good about you.


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## RedheadinNJ (Aug 18, 2011)

Smile, be confident without being a jerk and pay a *sincere* compliment about clothes, jewelry, hairstyle or ask a question about what's she doing, eating, drinking etc. "What kind of coffee is that?", "Are the nachos good here?", etc. 

Where do you see this woman you want to talk to? That will give us better ideas about what you can say to her.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 18, 2011)

RedheadinNJ said:


> Smile, be confident without being a jerk and pay a *sincere* compliment about clothes, jewelry, hairstyle



I agree that a sincere compliment is the best kind. OTOH, all's fair in love and war ... and this might be love! As the late George Burns used to say, "Sincerity is the most important thing. Once you can fake that, you've got it made."


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## NewfieGal (Aug 18, 2011)

you can try the old fashioned hi my name is ____what's your name and smile plus give direct eye contact it shows interest in the person's answers and doesn't make the girl/guy feel like your sizing em up even if you already have LOL


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## bmann0413 (Aug 18, 2011)

RedheadinNJ said:


> Where do you see this woman you want to talk to? That will give us better ideas about what you can say to her.



Actually, there isn't a woman. I was just wondering and trying to see if there's some help out there for guys like me, who tend to be kinda overlooked or too shy to try something to talk to a female.



NewfieGal said:


> you can try the old fashioned hi my name is ____what's your name and smile plus give direct eye contact it shows interest in the person's answers and doesn't make the girl/guy feel like your sizing em up even if you already have LOL



Well, see, that's the thing. Sometimes, that doesn't tend to work. Saying hi sometimes gives dirty looks or whatever, even if you smile and be sincere. It works, but not 100 percent of the time. For guys like me, anyways.


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## CastingPearls (Aug 18, 2011)

bmann0413 said:


> Actually, there isn't a woman. I was just wondering and trying to see if there's some help out there for guys like me, who tend to be kinda overlooked or too shy to try something to talk to a female.
> 
> 
> 
> Well, see, that's the thing. Sometimes, that doesn't tend to work. Saying hi sometimes gives dirty looks or whatever, even if you smile and be sincere. It works, but not 100 percent of the time. For guys like me, anyways.


Lloyd, it doesn't work for anyone 100% of the time. You're going to usually have to make the first move (smile, 'Hi, my name is ______') and no matter how charming you might be, if you just don't ring her bell, that's okay because you don't want someone who doesn't want you back, do you? Move on. 

If you want anything that's worth anything, you have to take risks. If you never take any risks, you get nothing because it's very rare that things of great value are just handed to you simply for existing. Don't count on that. Go out there and keep trying!

Saying 'for guys like me' is self-pitying bullshit and women can smell that a mile away. It's not going to win you attention, affection or pity. Nobody wants to date a martyr.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 18, 2011)

bmann0413 said:


> Saying hi sometimes gives dirty looks or whatever, even if you smile and be sincere. It works, but not 100 percent of the time. For guys like me, anyways.



The thing is, it works in *two* ways: it gives her an opening if she's interested, and it also gives you a clue about what kind of person you're dealing with. Somebody who gives a dirty look to a person who smiles and is sincere is probably not somebody you want to get involved with: she might be an unpleasant person, or she just may not be interested. As you've probably figured out from the variety of responses, what you say is not vitally important. All you're doing is letting the lady know you're interested in her and giving her a chance to let *you* know whether the feeling is mutual. And if you're just a bit clumsy at it, that's all right, too; a lot of women find it somewhat endearing. At least, my wife did ... thank goodness!:happy:


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## J34 (Aug 19, 2011)

Its not so much as being shy as it is being an introvert. I am one myself, and I do find it difficult talking to ladies and people that I don't know. The problem is you have to get over any preconceived notions and just do it. Don't start worrying about whether they like you or not, just approach them like you would anyone else. If it doesn't work then who cares and move on. The world didn't end and nothing happened.

I would say to approach a girl try to pay close attention to your mannerisms and your posture. A hunched over look and no eye contact might make her think you are a creep and or insecure. An easy way to get over this is to approach strangers and just strike up a conversation, the more you do this the easier it will be to strike up a conversation with anyone. 

Also the most important thing is to be comfortable in your own skin. Try to improve yourself if you feel that its holding you back, whether it be your clothes, look/body, and or career. Don't know if this helps


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## kioewen (Aug 19, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Saying 'for guys like me' is self-pitying bullshit and women can smell that a mile away. It's not going to win you attention, affection or pity. Nobody wants to date a martyr.



If this is true, and given that I believe the O.P. made the comment sincerely, then this may leave guys with low confidence in something of a dilemma.

Either they have to:

1. Assume a level of confidence and self-esteem that they don't actually have, and which is the total opposite of their actual self-image, in order not to seem self-pitying. (But how long can anyone really keep up such a charade, even assuming that it doesn't ring hollow to begin with?)

2. Resign themselves to the idea that they are undatable.

My own belief, and it may be incorrect, is that guys who are "self-pitying" are not born that way but acquire this characteristic after some actual hard knocks. In other words, if they are self-pitying, it may be because they're genuinely pitiable. And if then self-pity does not win them "attention, affection or pity," then so much the worse for them. Either they try to put on a false persona, or resign themselves to solitude.

Not a cheery prospect.


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## Fat Brian (Aug 19, 2011)

Its not really about putting on a fake persona, but there is a certain amount of "fake it 'til you make it". When I first started dating my wife I didn't have any confidence, in fact she made a few of the first moves that brought us together. I had just let a very important young woman slip through my fingers and was determined never to let that happen again so I bit the bullet and acted like I knew what I was doing. I didn't do anything out of character, but I let my guard down and let it all hang out so to speak. Its like walking a tightrope, you have to ignore your fear and just do it.


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## GlassDaemon (Aug 19, 2011)

kioewen said:


> If this is true, and given that I believe the O.P. made the comment sincerely, then this may leave guys with low confidence in something of a dilemma.
> 
> Either they have to:
> 
> ...



I don't think it's a fake thing, it's something a person needs to figure out in themselves long BEFORE they even attempt dating. If you can't be happy with yourself, how can you be happy with someone else? I'm not saying be happy being alone, but being happy with oneself - just to verify. That in and of itself inspires confidence. No woman wants to fix a man into datable material, that's the individuals job(As in that applies to women too). It's really hard to work with someone whose so down on themselves. It's one thing to be a little insecure, but when you feel like you're not worthy of talking to another human, or you're so insecure that the thought of being rejected makes it so you won't even try; that's a personal problem you need to solve before you attempt. 

You should be confident went approaching another person, I don't want you to fake it, I want you to mean it. I'm insecure about my body, yes I feel fat and it makes me feel unattractive sometime, however, it does not rule my mind, I'm not lacking in confidence because of it. I'm having a lot of trouble explaining this in case you haven't noticed because it's very questionable and it's very much a "gray area."

Moving on, for me a compliment will go a long way, but more importantly what are you going to say after that? See it's great if you have this amazing compliment set up, your breath is minty, and your smile is white, but what good is that all going to do if I do pay attention to you, smile back, thank you for the compliment if you're just going to go brain dead after that? Lol, I'm not the best conversationalist, you can't expect me to whip a conversation out my butt, you need to be ready with a topic to follow up that compliment. Or vise versus if I approach you, I'll be ready! Maybe... hopefully XD lol you get the point.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 19, 2011)

kioewen said:


> .
> 
> My own belief, and it may be incorrect, is that guys who are "self-pitying" are not born that way but acquire this characteristic after some actual hard knocks. In other words, if they are self-pitying, it may be because they're genuinely pitiable. And if then self-pity does not win them "attention, affection or pity," then so much the worse for them. Either they try to put on a false persona, or resign themselves to solitude.



I think you make a good point, but I also think it would be helpful to distinguish between those who are suffering a temporary loss of confidence (those who have suffered, as you say, "hard knocks") and those whose whole attitude is one of gloom, pessimism, and defeatism. I have read a great number of posts from FA's who prefer radiantly confident BBW's; what I think CastingPearls is pointing out is that many BBW's in turn prefer confident FA's. I suspect that normally self-respecting chaps whose _amour propre_ has taken a hit are still in the running: it's the dedicated Gloommeisters the women tiptoe -- or, in some cases, run -- from.


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## CastingPearls (Aug 19, 2011)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I think you make a good point, but I also think it would be helpful to distinguish between those who are suffering a temporary loss of confidence (those who have suffered, as you say, "hard knocks") *and those whose whole attitude is one of gloom, pessimism, and defeatism.* I have read a great number of posts from FA's who prefer radiantly confident BBW's; what I think CastingPearls is pointing out is that many BBW's in turn prefer confident FA's. I suspect that normally self-respecting chaps whose _amour propre_ has taken a hit are still in the running: it's the dedicated Gloommeisters the women tiptoe -- or, in some cases, run -- from.



Yes, exactly.


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## Carrie (Aug 19, 2011)

CarlaSixx said:


> A quick and kitsch little magic trick.
> 
> Seriously, I see this quite a bit and it seems to be the most successful thing. Pickup lines don't work, "hi" is losing its spark, and randomly trying to start a conversation out of nowhere seems to freak them all out.
> 
> But a quick and cute lil magic trick... like a sleight of hand... will get their attention  It's happened every time. I imagine it has something to do with capturing their mind's attention. Women love when you stimulate their mind


I went on a date once with a guy who did this, and it was seriously adorable. He was low key about it, not like with a big TA-DA!, which I think was key.


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## olwen (Aug 20, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Lloyd, it doesn't work for anyone 100% of the time. You're going to usually have to make the first move (smile, 'Hi, my name is ______') and no matter how charming you might be, if you just don't ring her bell, that's okay because you don't want someone who doesn't want you back, do you? Move on.
> 
> If you want anything that's worth anything, you have to take risks. If you never take any risks, you get nothing because it's very rare that things of great value are just handed to you simply for existing. Don't count on that. Go out there and keep trying!
> 
> Saying 'for guys like me' is self-pitying bullshit and women can smell that a mile away. It's not going to win you attention, affection or pity. Nobody wants to date a martyr.



I totally agree with this. No woman wants a wishy-washy guy. If you approach with sincerity and a certain amount of confidence it will go a long way. 

As for the compliment thing. I think that might not be enough. If a guy compliments me on some clothing I'd say thanks and go back to what I was doing. What works better with me is to strike up a conversation about something that's going on right then and there - as long as I'm not in a bad mood. Sometimes a girl just isn't in the mood to talk and that's not a guy's fault. So don't stress about it. Just move on. 

Sometimes even inserting yourself into a conversation she's having with someone else (without being obnoxious) might work too. It would with me anyhow. LOL


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## olwen (Aug 20, 2011)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I think you make a good point, but I also think it would be helpful to distinguish between those who are suffering a temporary loss of confidence (those who have suffered, as you say, "hard knocks") and those whose whole attitude is one of gloom, pessimism, and defeatism. I have read a great number of posts from FA's who prefer radiantly confident BBW's; what I think CastingPearls is pointing out is that many BBW's in turn prefer confident FA's. I suspect that normally self-respecting chaps whose _amour propre_ has taken a hit are still in the running: it's the dedicated Gloommeisters the women tiptoe -- or, in some cases, run -- from.



I totally agree. 

We don't need a guy to be the king of the walk. Just don't be afraid to go after what you want. And yes, body language counts for a lot. If you can't make eye contact, if you slouch, if you are sloppy, if you are extremely fidgety it can put us off. We get that you might be nervous and sweaty, which is fine, but just don't be milquetoast about it.


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## mithrandirjn (Aug 25, 2011)

olwen said:


> I totally agree with this. No woman wants a wishy-washy guy. If you approach with sincerity and a certain amount of confidence it will go a long way.
> 
> As for the compliment thing. I think that might not be enough. If a guy compliments me on some clothing I'd say thanks and go back to what I was doing. What works better with me is to strike up a conversation about something that's going on right then and there - as long as I'm not in a bad mood. Sometimes a girl just isn't in the mood to talk and that's not a guy's fault. So don't stress about it. Just move on.
> 
> Sometimes even inserting yourself into a conversation she's having with someone else (without being obnoxious) might work too. It would with me anyhow. LOL



_Absolutely_ agreed. I find that to be the best "technique" I've ever used when I'm out on a given night. Let's say I'm at the bar with some friends, and we happen to be near a group that includes some attractive women. I might hear something funny and hear the group laugh, then turn around with a look and say "I definitely just heard the wrong part of that conversation" or something like that. It's an icebreaker, its a timing thing that can make people laugh, and you've got the confidence to put yourself into the proceedings.


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## genevathistime (Sep 7, 2011)

Just keep it real, whatever you do. 

Oh..and humor...lol


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## J34 (Sep 7, 2011)

A compliment to a woman's clothes and or style is good, also hairstyle. Women spend quite a bit of time getting ready every day to look their best.


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## Lastminute.Tom (Sep 18, 2011)

First - accept yourself, at times in you're life you've known yourself to be awesome and if you can't think of any you're too down on yourself to let that little ray of sunshine into your head at the moment but you know what, it's ok to be depressed and self pitying and shy it's called being human, the more you try and fight these traits the more you will dominate you, instead choose to do the counter intuitive thing and turn towards them embrace them because they are part of you, just because you don't think of them as the awesome part doesn't mean their any less important you can't have yin without yang, I'm not saying its easy to rewire yourself I'm still trying to unravel nearly 25 years worth of knots in my own psyche, but I'm getting there


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## LeoGibson (Sep 18, 2011)

bmann0413 said:


> Well, see, that's the thing. Sometimes, that doesn't tend to work. Saying hi sometimes gives dirty looks or whatever, even if you smile and be sincere. It works, but not 100 percent of the time. For guys like me, anyways.



Hey bud, I used to be painfully shy and would sit in a corner and keep my mouth shut and not say a word. You know how many times that didn't work for meeting a girl, 100% of the time. It's hard to make yourself get out there on that limb, the fear of rejection is strong, but most women won't bite your head off. Most will either be receptive or politely dismissive. The rare ones that are snotty, usually have their own issues so try not to take it personally, and besides would you really like to spend time with someone that has so little control over their emotions that they would treat a stranger poorly because they are in a bad mood?

Look, it's not easy but you have to do it if you want to meet someone. It will not work all the time, nothing works every single time. If it helps, just think about baseball when it comes to approaching a girl and starting a conversation. What I mean by that is that a .300 average will get you in the Hall of Fame. That means that even if you fail 7 out of 10 times, those are good enough numbers to get in the Hall of Fame, so get out there and start swinging.


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