# How cold is it?



## smithnwesson (Jan 4, 2014)

Do you have a favorite "It's so cold that. . ."?

It's so cold here that the hookers downtown are charging $20 to blow on your hands.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood (Jan 4, 2014)

It's so cold that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.


----------



## smithnwesson (Jan 4, 2014)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> It's so cold that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.


Haaaaaaa!

I heard that it's so cold that Bill Clinton is sleeping with his own wife to keep warm.


----------



## cinnamitch (Jan 4, 2014)

It's so cold that I put the meat in the freezer to defrost.


----------



## penguin (Jan 4, 2014)

But but but it's not cold! It's been so hot here that I could fry lunch on the road, though.


----------



## smithnwesson (Jan 5, 2014)

I forgot, summer is just starting for all ya'll upside down folks!
:doh: 

"It's as hot as two bandicoots screwing inside a wool sock".


----------



## Dromond (Jan 5, 2014)

It's so cold the brass monkeys are refusing to go outside.


----------



## cinnamitch (Jan 5, 2014)

It's so cold, People look forward to getting a fever


----------



## CPProp (Jan 5, 2014)

Waiting for the cold to come in a few weeks  at the moments its baby weather (wet and windy).


----------



## RabbitScorpion (Jan 5, 2014)

It's so cold the geese are getting people pimples.


----------



## CastingPearls (Jan 5, 2014)

The geese here are stuck in the sky in knots. V-formations given up in desperation.


----------



## Iannathedriveress (Jan 5, 2014)

It's supposed to get between -6 to -9 degrees tommorow where I live.


----------



## smithnwesson (Jan 6, 2014)




----------



## Fuzzy (Jan 7, 2014)

..............................


----------



## AuntHen (Jan 7, 2014)




----------



## Ho Ho Tai (Jan 7, 2014)

I had sent out some weather reports from MN -20, -30, et c. She said that she just couldn't get her head around that. I told her to put 100 lb. of ice into the water of her Jacuzzi, let it mix and then jump in, naked. MN is about 50 deg. colder than that.


----------



## Fuzzy (Jan 7, 2014)

REMINDER: Cold season is here and cows will seek heat on car hoods. Do not forget to tap on the hood to give the cow enough time to get off before you drive away!


----------



## Fuzzy (Jan 7, 2014)

A whole bunch of people threw boiling water in the air to watch it freeze ...and burned themselves.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Jan 9, 2014)

It got so cold that a Kentucky inmate who escaped asked to be brought back to prison. 

http://www.latimes.com/nation/natio...e-cold-20140107,0,1439596.story#axzz2pvu0f83o


----------



## Dansinfool (Jan 9, 2014)

Its so cold when you have Ice flow on Sandy Hook bay... 

View attachment Ice Flow small.jpg


----------



## Ho Ho Tai (Jan 10, 2014)

We have a folk singer named Charlie Maguire whose songs put Minnesota Cold (and other northern states and countries) into better perspective than anything else I could write. His home page is also interesting. For a time, he was the State Troubadour with the State DNR.

In the '70s he wrote a song called "Oh, Cold and Misery" which is the ultimate cold-weather car-starting song (lyrics below). At the time, I had a neighbor whose truck would never start below 0 deg. However, he worked where it was convenient to drop him off. After a few desultory tries to start the thing, he would walk over and beg a ride, knowing what to expect.

I would always drop him off, but would play a tape of "Oh, Cold and Misery", which he hated. 

Actually, I should have been nice to him. I sold him the truck.

I Like It Here/Oh Cold And Misery
Words & Music by Charlie Maguire © 2000 Mello-Jamin Music. All rights reserved.

Here are two songs about a favorite topic of conversation in Minnesota. The first is a variation on the talking blues that I wrote in Ashland, Wisconsin during the winter of 1971, and the second I wrote in Minnesota about my 1970 Volkswagen square-back about three years later.

play sample

Talking Blues

I woke up this morning, it was 40 below
The snow was piled up past my door
That would not be too bad, but I live on the second floor
But I like it here

(I) Had two pairs of long-johns under four pairs of pants
Three ski sweaters, and a hat to match
Two pairs of gloves and a fur-lined vest
Then I got out of bed, and I started to get dressed
But I like it here

It was snowing so hard when I walked downtown
You could shovel that stuff, upside down
Folks tell me it will be like this until winter comes around
But I like it here

Am
It was early morn' like so many before

C Am
Oh cold and misery

Am C G Am
I put on my coat and walked out of the door

G Am
Standing alone on the frozen ground

Additional verses:
I went to the place where my beast lay asleep
On four tires of rubber a long cord in its teeth

I opened the door and I jammed in the key
Not a sound did I hear, nor exhaust did I see

So I went to my neighbor and to her I spoke
She soon came a ' riding on white clouds of smoke

On it's terminals bare, long cables I placed
And I gave it a charge with revenge of my face

It coughed, and it rumbled then let out a roar
Lashing it with gas pedal harsh commands I swore

The smell of the ether ether did hand in the air
And empty "Heet" cans lay about everywhere

And when we were moving its anger was gone
From its radio voice, came music and song

But tonight when the dark comes to its moving parts
It will again be the beast with the ice in its heart


----------



## swinglifeaway (Jan 12, 2014)

It's that kind of cold where you go outside, take a deep breath, get choked out, fall over into the fetal position and then go back inside hating everything. Meanwhile the aliens watching you start shouting ' STUPID MONKEYS! DO THEY 'SERIOUSLY' NOT KNOW ABOUT CALIFORNIA'

I'm working on a comedy set... it needs some work though.


----------



## CleverBomb (Jan 13, 2014)

Ho Ho Tai said:


> We have a folk singer named Charlie Maguire whose songs put Minnesota Cold (and other northern states and countries) into better perspective than anything else I could write. His home page is also interesting. For a time, he was the State Troubadour with the State DNR.
> 
> In the '70s he wrote a song called "Oh, Cold and Misery" which is the ultimate cold-weather car-starting song (lyrics below). At the time, I had a neighbor whose truck would never start below 0 deg. However, he worked where it was convenient to drop him off. After a few desultory tries to start the thing, he would walk over and beg a ride, knowing what to expect.
> 
> ...


As someone who's had a running propane heater stolen out from under the back end of his van, and is well-experienced with using an ice scraper on the _inside_ of the windshield of the same vehicle, I know whereof you speak.


----------



## luvmybhm (Feb 10, 2014)

Old Johnny Carson joke

it's so cold I saw a chicken with a capon...

ba-da-dum. 

I'm here all week...don't forget to tip your waitress...


----------



## Dromond (Feb 11, 2014)

It's colder than a polar bear's balls.


----------



## NewfieGal (Feb 11, 2014)

At -26 Celsius or -15 for you Fahrenheit peeps here in newfie even my stocking cap wears a stocking cap even the temperature gauge doesn't want to be outside brrrr


----------



## bigmac (Feb 13, 2014)

NewfieGal said:


> At -26 Celsius or -15 for you Fahrenheit peeps here in newfie even my stocking cap wears a stocking cap even the temperature gauge doesn't want to be outside brrrr




Believe it or not I actually miss Canadian winters. I have a closet full of flannel shirts I never get to wear.


----------



## Dromond (Feb 14, 2014)

I thought I missed Illinois winter, until I moved back to Illinois.


----------



## NewfieGal (Feb 16, 2014)

Currently -16(4F) expecting 35 cm of snow (a foot) and combined with 120 to 160 km( about 85-100mph)of wind we're in for a good winter freeze brrrr


----------



## bigmac (Feb 16, 2014)

It was a little cooler at the beach yesterday -- fog didn't burn off until early afternoon and I had to keep my shirt on. The entire concept of winter around here is kind of a joke.

For some unknown reason women wear winter boots with their shorts between November and March.

https://www.google.com/search?q=ugg...DjoAToh4CgAw&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1280&bih=699


----------



## Deacone (Feb 17, 2014)

2 degrees Celsius and super soggy


----------



## Snow Angel (May 10, 2014)

74 degrees


----------



## Snow Angel (May 15, 2014)

well it has went from hot to cold it is 51 degrees.


----------



## Snow Angel (Dec 6, 2015)

it is 38 here in my neck of the woods


----------



## Ho Ho Tai (Dec 9, 2015)

Winter in Minnesota??? When I had a good back and arms (35 - 40 years ago) I would wait for the -30 F weather in Dec. and Jan. Because the wood I had cut earlier was ready to split. I'd head out to my woodpile before breakfast, with a glass of brandy in one hand and my axe in the other, set the brandy on a stump, and swing away, taking the occasional sip now and then. My axe would sing, the wood would fly, and pretty soon I would sing too, as the brandy took hold.

After an hour of this, I'd go in the house, peel off my sweater, rub my reddened ears, and eat a hearty breakfast.

Then I'd go to bed and, as they say, "do the chores".

Now? Daytime temps in the 40s, seldom below freezing at night. What snow we had earlier has melted. The dormant grass is greening up again. I hear that they are re-opening the golf courses. My 15 year old truck jumps into life at the turn of the key. The snowbirds that departed for Florida are heading back here for the 'winter'

El Nino? El Greeno!


----------



## MattB (Dec 9, 2015)

Right now in Ottawa? 4c and not a speck of snow to be found, hallelujah!


----------



## Dromond (Dec 11, 2015)

December in Illinois and I've got the freaking window open. This is wrong.


----------



## bigmac (Dec 11, 2015)

In southern California people were wearing light jackets yesterday -- global warming must be a hoax.


----------



## RabbitScorpion (Dec 11, 2015)

bigmac said:


> In southern California people were wearing light jackets yesterday -- global warming must be a hoax.



That's just the difference between an El Niño winter and a La Niña winter.

Forecast for Detroit tomorrow is for a near-record 61¤F (16¤C).
Last two winters (La Niña), we would have thought ourselves lucky to get 16¤F (-9¤C).


----------



## Snow Angel (Dec 12, 2015)

Well it's 72 here in Louisiana where we live, and the weather says we may have bad weather Sunday.


----------



## mulrooney13 (Dec 13, 2015)

Not damn cold enough for December, I tell ya.


----------



## CPProp (Dec 15, 2015)

it aint cold, Its nearly midnight and 17 deg C ludicrously warm for December in the East Midlands


----------



## Snow Angel (Dec 18, 2015)

It's 36 here


----------



## Ho Ho Tai (Dec 18, 2015)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> It's so cold that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.



and "It's so cold here that the hookers downtown are charging $20 to blow on your hands."


Love 'em both. It is a year since these were posted. MN has been quite warm for MN - until now. But there is an old joke that makes the rounds every year: "It's so cold in Duluth that the flashers just describe themselves."


----------



## bigmac (Dec 21, 2015)

RabbitScorpion said:


> That's just the difference between an El Niño winter and a La Niña winter.
> 
> ...




Yes I know. On Christmas day 1986 (El Nino) I took my motorcycle out and drove around the warm dry streets of Edmonton Alberta. A couple of years later it was -57 f one morning. I also got to observe California's 1997/98 floods (another El Nino year).


----------



## CleverBomb (Dec 23, 2015)

bigmac said:


> In southern California people were wearing light jackets yesterday -- global warming must be a hoax.



Actually, it's been chilly here, into the 40s in some places. 
It's almost a crisis. 
Fortunately someone discovered a long-forgotten safety measure put in place by our forefathers: it's actually possible to move your air conditioner's setting the other direction and make it put out heat. We never thought it would come to this, though.


----------



## bigmac (Dec 23, 2015)

I'm hanging out in Ventura County this week. Its pretty hilarious listening to people bitch about how cold it is when its actually 64 degrees. :doh:


----------



## MattB (Dec 24, 2015)

It's a Krampus miracle!


----------



## Kristal (Dec 24, 2015)

Cold for this time of the year. 

View attachment IMG_20151224_101322_031.JPG


----------



## swamptoad (Dec 28, 2015)

Finally got another cool front. Its currently 53 degrees in my neck of the woods of Louisiana!


----------



## RabbitScorpion (Dec 29, 2015)

Last night it was 36¤ (2¤C) - about average for this time of year......

But with the windchill, -458¤ (a little milder, for those whose rooves weren't blown into Lake Erie).


----------



## MattB (Dec 29, 2015)

Miracle over. -10c (-18c windchill) right now and a snowstorm. First round of shoveling is done (thanks a lot Mr. Plow) and second round will either be later today or tomorrow morning. Up to 30cms expected.


----------



## luvmybhm (Jan 4, 2016)

gonna be 21F here tonight.  

my poor plants are gonna freezer burn.


----------



## MattB (Jan 4, 2016)

I'm telling you...prepare for snow! 

-2F here, feels like -15F they say.

(-19c/-26c)


----------



## swamptoad (Jan 5, 2016)

34 degrees F


----------



## Snow Angel (Jan 7, 2016)

51 and rainy


----------



## canadianbbw4u (Jan 16, 2016)

Here is my weather.... BRRRRRRR

Sat Evening
Mainly clear




-28°C /-18.4F

Feels like: -32c / -25.6F

*POP:* 0%
*Snow: *-
*Wind:* 5 km/h S
*Wind gust:* - 
*Humidity:* 69%

Hourly Forecast
hourly-weather-forecast

Sat Overnight
Partly cloudy



-31°C
Feels like: -38c/ -36.4F

*POP:* 0%
*Snow: *-
*Wind:* 5 km/h S
*Wind gust:* - 
*Humidity:* 62%

Hourly Forecast
hourly-weather-forecast

Sun Morning
Mainly sunny



-31°C
Feels like: -40c = -40F 

*POP:* 0%
*Snow: *-
*Wind:* 10 km/h S
*Wind gust:* - 
*Humidity:* 68%

Hourly Forecast
hourly-weather-forecast

Sun Afternoon
Mainly sunny



-


----------



## Ho Ho Tai (Jan 16, 2016)

canadianbbw4u said:


> Here is my weather.... BRRRRRRR
> 
> Sat Evening
> Mainly clear
> ...



For my money (as little of it as there is) the best weather person in the area is Paul Douglas - better than _Punxsutawney Phil_ but not as good as the farmers' almanac. He is not on local TV but does forecasts for business and published a daily blog entry in the local paper. His latest:
*Fun With Negative Numbers: Wind Chill Advisory Today - Wind Chill Warning Tomorrow?*

This excerpt triggered memories:


"The first half of meteorological winter was tame, based on the Winter Misery Index, which factors snow and extreme cold. 2 winters ago we grappled with an extended "polar vortex" - but the harshest winters came during the 60s and 70s; not just days but WEEKS of subzero cold."


I remember them well. Those bitter stretches are when I did my wood splitting. The wood I cut in the fall was dry and cold enough to split at the touch of a (well-aimed) axe. But I was in my 30s and 40s then.


----------



## Snow Angel (Jan 23, 2016)

It's 34 here but may drop to 29


----------



## MattB (Jan 29, 2016)

-8c, 'feels like -16c'...

...but it feels even colder than that. There's an angry winter wind. The kind that cuts right through you without a second thought. I was outside just recently running an errand, and the sound of the wind was all around me. It sounds like a predatory animal, growling, and you can't see where it's coming from. Biting. This is true Canadian cold. If you do not find shelter for the night, you will perish. Being outside in this lethal environment is pure tomfoolery...

Why was I out there?

ICE! I had to buy ice! Can you believe this crap? I froze my giblets to go and buy ice! 

You can't make this stuff up folks...


----------



## one2one (Jan 29, 2016)

MattB said:


> -8c, 'feels like -16c'...
> 
> ...but it feels even colder than that. There's an angry winter wind. The kind that cuts right through you without a second thought. I was outside just recently running an errand, and the sound of the wind was all around me. It sounds like a predatory animal, growling, and you can't see where it's coming from. Biting. This is true Canadian cold. If you do not find shelter for the night, you will perish. Being outside in this lethal environment is pure tomfoolery...
> 
> ...



I couldn't rep you, but that was priceless.


----------



## balletguy (Jan 30, 2016)

Not too bad 21 now


----------



## luvmybhm (Jan 31, 2016)

it is a weird time of year for us here now. it was 60ish today. going to be like 66 tomorrow. we are due rain later in the week and by friday we are going to be back in the mid 40's for the day and near freezing at night.


----------



## Ho Ho Tai (Jan 31, 2016)

one2one said:


> I couldn't rep you, but that was priceless.



I got him for you.


----------



## MattB (Feb 11, 2016)

I post this as the worst day we have coming up out of the next four, temperature-wise. This is not unusual for Ottawa in February, but if the long term forecast is to be believed it's actually going to get mild again next week. Best winter ever!!!

Edit- Overnight it's actually supposed to get to -38 with the windchill. I believe I will be staying in tomorrow...


----------



## luvmybhm (Feb 14, 2016)

oh my gosh! how do cars function when it is that cold? does everyone just stay in?

well, now i feel bad complaining that it is going to barely get 32 here today and tomorrow. we are due some snow/freezing rain....


----------



## PolarKat (Feb 14, 2016)

luvmybhm said:


> oh my gosh! how do cars function when it is that cold? does everyone just stay in?
> 
> well, now i feel bad complaining that it is going to barely get 32 here today and tomorrow. we are due some snow/freezing rain....



 -17F(-27C) this morning here (North of Montreal) was quite a bit colder last night.. Cold isn't the worst part.. its snowed last night as well, and this stuff is just powder.. so trying to shovel it, is not fun.. just blows snow dust everywhere..

Cars get a bit tough to start in this weather, diesels absolutely need to have their block heaters plugged in, or the won't start..

When you've lived with it all your life you just get used to it.. Most people will tend to stay in on weather like this.. but I already see kids skating on the (frozen) river near my house, along with a few people.. "snowfering" (it's like wind-sailing but on ice) It's mainly about dressing right.


----------



## MattB (Feb 14, 2016)

luvmybhm said:


> oh my gosh! how do cars function when it is that cold? does everyone just stay in?
> 
> well, now i feel bad complaining that it is going to barely get 32 here today and tomorrow. we are due some snow/freezing rain....



I planned on staying in yesterday, but ended up going out for some errands. It hurts to be outside on a day like that. Covering exposed skin is mandatory if you plan to be out for more than a few minutes. 

This is what I woke up to yesterday morning, but overall this has been a great winter...


----------

