# Is Dims becoming a "hot or not" web site?



## ntwp (May 2, 2008)

It seems like some BHM, BBW and their admirers are feeling more and more pressure to include provacative photos of themselves, especially when they are new to the boards. 

I don't look down on people who share photos at all, don't get me wrong. If it wasn't for fear of my career being on the line by being associated with a web site that discusses sex issues, I'd probably post a face shot.

But when people arrive it almost seems like they get begged to post certain types of photos. Don't you think that they have browsed the site long enough to see that some people do post provacative photos, and they would do that on their own volition if they wanted to? (As many do-- I definitely think alot of people post photos because they want to, and that can be a fun aspect of this site). Or maybe if given some time to get used to the web site, they would do it later without you having to ask for it?

Do you think people jump on the bandwagon of "please post photos" a little too quickly? Sure, even the request itself might be flattering to a fat guy who may have never felt like he was viewed as sexually desireable, but do you think it could send the wrong message to these guys? (something like, "Welcome but you're only really welcome if you give me some eye candy.")

My view of Dimensions is that it is primarily a site to talk about size acceptance and issues with being or admiring all that comes with a big man or woman. I think the inclusion of photos, even provocative ones, could be classified under "size acceptance" because the drooling over the eye candy shows that an FFA is not only accepting of a BHM's size but in awe and admiration of it. Probably makes some guys feel like a million bucks and they deserve that. But do you think that it may also make some of them feel like they're not so much a person, but a piece of eye candy? 

Also, let's think about how the responses to photos seem to or might affect guys' self-esteem negatively (for example, when one guy gets 15 positive responses while another guy gets 3). Are some BHM who put themselves out there actually getting their feelings a little hurt if they don't get as many responses as another guy? Is that something that those guys should just get over since at the end of the day, it's their decision to put themselves out there?

And is the eye candy becoming too much of a competition? I know people have joked that it was, but is this becoming like a "hot or not" web site? Is that a good or bad thing, or neither? 

Finally, do you think BHM/BBW who don't post photos are less likely to be listened to/responded to when it comes to other issues? Are there now "celebrities" on the board because they post lots and lots of super cute or sexy photos and others are too far under the radar? Do you think some people post photos just to "keep up with the Jones's" so they won't be lost in the mix?

I would like to hear opinions from people across the board, whether you completely disagree, agree, or somewhere in between. Or maybe it's just something to think about.


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## Nerdzilla (May 2, 2008)

I've noted the trend and is the reason why I really don't post a lot here and just poke my head in occasionally to see if any real discussion is going on. Course, it may just be a phase the forum is going through and will bed down to some real discussion later.

Maybe.


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## LoveBHMS (May 2, 2008)

In my personal opinion, Dims is very much a 'take what you want and leave the rest' sort of place. 

I've never posted pictures. Despite this, I have met and dated three terrific men from this site, one of whom remains a good friend. I've also met another woman who has become a personal friend and have 2 terrific online/e-friends with whom I have exchanged photos and talk about everything imagineable, just like an old style pen pal.

I even played matchmaker between a Dimmer and somebody I knew from another board and those two have been close real life pals for close to a year.



> Sure, even the request itself might be flattering to a fat guy who may have never felt like he was viewed as sexually desireable, but do you think it could send the wrong message to these guys? (something like, "Welcome but you're only really welcome if you give me some eye candy.")



No.



> Also, let's think about how the responses to photos seem to or might affect guys' self-esteem negatively (for example, when one guy gets 15 positive responses while another guy gets 3). Are some BHM who put themselves out there actually getting their feelings a little hurt if they don't get as many responses as another guy? Is that something that those guys should just get over since at the end of the day, it's their decision to put themselves out there?



That second thing you said. If you post pictures of yourself on an internet site, you run the risk of people not thinking you're attractive. It's not different from going to a gym or bar or club where you hope to attract attention. It may not happen. It may not happen because the pool of "lookers" does not include anyone who likes how you look, or you may just be somebody who is not physically appealing to the majority of other people. That is just a plain simple fact.

Nothing annoys me more than when some guy posts pics and then whines because he does not get responses. This may sound harsh, but it's not incumbent on a bunch of strangers on an internet site to provide you with self esteem.



> Finally, do you think BHM/BBW who don't post photos are less likely to be listened to/responded to when it comes to other issues?



No.



> Are there now "celebrities" on the board because they post lots and lots of super cute or sexy photos and others are too far under the radar?



Yes. If somebody is physically attractive and posts pictures of themselves, they are going to get responses to that. It's totally normal. To a degree, it's just like the real world. Very attractive people who spotlight their very attractiveness get positive responses. In an online situation, if you do not post pictures, you are only offering up your words/thoughts/observations.


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## Tooz (May 2, 2008)

Too many "LOOK AT ME/PHOTOS!!1" threads on Dims imo.


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## chapelhillmensch (May 2, 2008)

IMHO

What happens is awhile ago there was like almost a 'clique' of like 7-8 people both male and female who just inundated the BHM board with each other's thread's if you ever looked closely at their picture threads you would see that other than each other admiring each other there was about maybe only 6 other people actually responding. And a couple of them are the really sweet women who are very kind no matter what. (which is greatly appreciated)

And then their was that freaking 'The The' Thread which had no business being on the BHM board at all but was on it for like 6 months. Why it was never moved or modded is beyond me. (shrug)

The New MOD is really good though! 

Happy Leif Erikkson Day!


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## Smite (May 2, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Nothing annoys me more than when some guy posts pics and then whines because he does not get responses. This may sound harsh, but it's not incumbent on a bunch of strangers on an internet site to provide you with self esteem.
> .




This. 

That's why I ban if someone does that over at BFC. Don't bring your self- pitying ass to a place where people are discussing and being generally happy. No one cares about you or your picture unless someone actually said something. If you get no responses, don't pull the "wahhhh wahh" card. 

It is harsh, but it's life. Deal.

Also if you look at DIMs, almost every new thread is "Look at these new pics!" or something like that. It's just unneccesary and clutters the place, and makes this - like you said - a "hot or not" web site. It also attracts stalkers and the likes.

I'm mean, but that's just me. I know people will think otherwise, but if you have to resort to saying crap like "Okay im just going to leave *sigh* another community that no one listens to me at" then look at the situation and fix it.


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## olwen (May 2, 2008)

ntwp, your post is interesting to me on so many levels. You won't be welcomed only as eye candy, far from it. We are all here to exchange ideas and spur debate about all sorts of topics. It wouldn't be a community without those voices.

I understand where you're coming from tho about being eye candy because, quess what - this is something all women go thru everyday not just on an internet site, but in real life. We are more likely than men to be judged by how we look. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm just amused when men express this sentiment because when you do you all sound appalled, then act as if it is an unheard of concept. Heaven forbid a man should be eye candy. FYI - we look too. In fact, we _want _to look because we want to be as turned on by you as you are of us. 

If you don't want to be judged by your photos and you are afraid your feelings will be hurt then don't post any. Really I do understand you, but your self esteem shouldn't be predicated upon being the hottest guy in the room. We are so much more than our bodies. Just because a woman isn't turned on by you doesn't mean she will like you any less. She may in fact acutally still like you no matter what. 

In case you haven't noticed, men come to this site and ask women to post sexy photos of themselves all the time. I can assure you there are far many more threads with requests for naked girlie pinup pics than for naked hottie man pics. 

But really why should it be any different for men? Why should men expect women to subject themselves to the male gaze, but not be willing to subject themselves to the female gaze? To take this thought a step further, some men not only expect to see us naked, they see it as a right and a rite of passage. As if part of a woman's job is to titilate men in any way they see fit. It's a way for a man to keep a woman in her place. I'm not saying you do this consciously, but really think about it. Would you be so upset if you didn't?


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## avernia (May 2, 2008)

I take the point that people are responsible for what they choose to do and someone posting photos has to accept the risk of lack of interest. 

On the other hand, I've been lurking here for about 3-4 years and I get a bit exasperated sometimes by the amount of attention people seem to give to these 'rating' type threads. Yeah eye candy has its place but its not why I visit this forum - the discussion threads are a lot more valuable to me at least. I can actually get a lot of eye candy from watching people in public places when I'm in the mood, but I can't easily get access to the views of other FFAs without going to specialist websites. Also, I have to confess, I dont quite get the point of eye candy here - if I'm attracted to a BHM its as much about his presence as his physical appearance. And yes, a man does have to be at least chubby for me to find him attractive but I'm much less concerned with how he looks within that chubby/fat 'look' as I am with my whole impression of him. So to be honest, a lot of the focus on eye candy leaves me feeling rather flat.


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## ntwp (May 2, 2008)

olwen said:


> ntwp, your post is interesting to me on so many levels. You won't be welcomed only as eye candy, far from it.
> 
> I understand where you're coming from tho about being eye candy because, quess what - this is something all women go thru everyday not just on an internet site, but in real life. We are more likely than men to be judged by how we look. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm just amused when men express this sentiment because when you do you all sound appalled, then act as if it is an unheard of concept. Heaven forbid a man should be eye candy. FYI - we look too. In fact, we _want _to look because we want to be as turned on by you as you are of us.
> 
> If you don't want to be judged by your photos and you are afraid your feelings will be hurt then don't post any...




Oops, I didn't make it clear when I posted these questions that I, myself, am an FFA who, although without making comments to guys, does actually look at some of these photo threads in an intrigued way and could therefore be considered a hypocrite for creating this thread. Also note that I have felt very very accepted by this board and introduced myself a while back.

I totally feel your points though. I didn't mean to only show concern for men's feelings. I intended for these questions to be relevant in both the BHM board and Main/BBW boards. Perhaps I should have posed these questions in the Main board because I take issue with anyone, whether male or female, requesting that others post pictures and creating this type of "hot or not" environment. Perhaps I phrased most of my questions in more FFA/BHM terms though because I generally only frequent this board and have noticed people saying "Hi, welcome new guy, please post pix" here more and more. I haven't paid much attention to the BBW boards but like you said, this happens to women too and I think it can be just as if not more degrading since women do have to deal with body-judgements in the real world probably more than men.

I think my biggest concern is that people need to feel like people. Everyone, fat or skinny or in between, has feelings. I hate to see this site become a belly-fest (or boob-fest or sausage-fest or anything totally body-centered) because even though we are all sexual beings and this board lends itself to praising aspects of the body (fat is, after all, part of the body), we are humans with hearts. And although individuals ultimately choose to put themselves on the chopping block by posting their photos, I think I have more concern over a fat guy's (or woman's) self esteem getting trampled in the "hot or not" fashion (as opposed to skinny folks who in real life are much more likely to receive praise) after they were begged to post photos, only to receive little attention once the people who probably asked for their photos in the first place make a judgement call and decide that the individual isn't attractive enough to warrant lots and lots of praise. (Which is fine, because people are entitled to their opinions--and let me make it clear my point is not to ask people to offer up fake praise to save people's feelings). 

I posted this intitially because I believe the values of the fat acceptance movement are potentially being clouded by the emphasis on the body itself instead of the mind, heart and soul of those of us who are vulnerable already because we are not accepted by society as a whole (whether fat or fat admirer or whatever classfication we each give ourselves).


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## LoveBHMS (May 2, 2008)

> And although individuals ultimately choose to put themselves on the chopping block by posting their photos, I think I have more concern over a fat guy's (or woman's) self esteem getting trample in the "hot or not" fashion (as opposed to skinny folks who in real life are much more likely to receive praise) after they were begged to post photos, only to receive little attention once the people who probably asked for their photos in the first place make a judgement call and decide that the individual isn't attractive enough to warrant lots and lots of praise.



Nobody has to post pictures who does not want to. Dims is not a "Girls Gone Wild" scenario where the posters here look for vulnerable, weak, or unsuspecting victims to post pictures so they can be either oggled or ripped to shreds. If you can not handle the potential blow to your self esteem that would happen if a bunch of strangers on the internet do not think you're attractive, then *don't post pictures.*

If adults can't figure out the difference between "there are some men/women who think fat men/women are hot" and "if i'm fat, everyone on this site will think I'm hot because they like fat people and i'm fat" then they aren't mentally strong enough to be here. 

A judgement call about looks is perfectly fair. If somebody posts a picture and that person is attractive, I may very well say so. It's not a personal judgement call...I never would say "oh, you look like an honest upstanding person" or "it's clear from looking at you that you are an individual of good character."


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## cammy (May 2, 2008)

RANT ----

The BHM/FFA board becomes rather boring - there's very little discussion about anything other than a bunch of whining about not being able to find a BHM or FFA. Most of the posts are "give your opinion" or photo posts. Now I'm always glad for the posting of eye-candy, as are most people on this planet, but "Hey, look at me/us" with a plethoria of photos is just overdo, IMHO. 

The previous MOD liked to shut down any real discussions we had here, as did one or two posters whom I've not seen post in a while. The new MOD is much more likely to let the threads go as they go, but it seems that all of us posters are now shying away from anything that smells like a solid discussion where actual differing opinions may be brought forward.


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## ntwp (May 2, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> If adults can't figure out the difference between "there are some men/women who think fat men/women are hot" and "if i'm fat, everyone on this site will think I'm hot because they like fat people and i'm fat" ...



I think this is a very true statement, and that may be the problem/reason why some BHM seem to expect praise. All of us need to wrap our minds around your reasoning.



> A judgement call about looks is perfectly fair. ...



Very good point. To me, Each individual thread with judgements/praise/lack thereof of people's bodies/body parts in and of themselves are not the problem, and are perfectly fine, when you look at them by themselves (if that makes sense). It's when people start to EXPECT photos to be posted and when cumulatively the photo threads appear to create the "hot or not" culture.... 

I guess my pet peeve is when people ask for photos to be posted, not when people actually post the photos. Each person is responsible for their own self esteem and none of us, including myself, should feel like we are responsible for boosting one another's self esteem. But we should be considerate of the culture that seems to be shifting here. Some are fine with it and others are not. I just think it's changing the vibe around here and I seem to have been at least hitting the mark on a couple of my ideas, while in other I may be totally wrong or exaggerated. Sometimes I get passionate about things that I ponder.

And I appreciate that an overwhelming majority of the people on Dims seem like completely genuine people who have good intentions and great opinions to share, whether they are similar to mine or not.


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## Tad (May 2, 2008)

cammy said:


> RANT ----
> 
> The BHM/FFA board becomes rather boring - there's very little discussion about anything other than a bunch of whining about not being able to find a BHM or FFA. Most of the posts are "give your opinion" or photo posts. Now I'm always glad for the posting of eye-candy, as are most people on this planet, but "Hey, look at me/us" with a plethoria of photos is just overdo, IMHO.



I think part of it is that the number of topics that really belong on the BHM/FFA board, as opposed to the main board, lounge, weight boards, fashion board, heath board, etc, is pretty small. The question is, when it comes to BHM/FFA things, should ALL topics come to this board, and ignore the rest of the site? Or should this board only be for things that don't fit on the other boards? If the latter it doesn't leave a lot for this board to cover, other than pic threads. If the former, well, that is a bit of a pain for people who also go to the rest of the boards, and end up discussing things in two places, especially if they are also FA, or BBW, or otherwise involved elsewhere.

I'm not against having a BHM board, but I think it was first started a bit as a refuge because at the time the other boards (there was less of them) were not too friendly to BHM (especially the weight board, where some posters were quite open with their disdain for BHM).

I've tried to think of threads to start on here, to get some discussion going, but I've really been coming up dry. Almost everything I think of has already been discussed, or would fit in better on another board.

So yah, I've also been frustrated by the lack of non-pic threads.....but when I tried to come up with alternatives, I came up pretty dry.


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## Ninja Glutton (May 2, 2008)

Agreed that the picture threads clutter the board and make it very difficult for legitimate discussion to take place. 

I used to be a huge picwhore when I first came here, but I've rethought my ways. This thread I've posted now is the first one I've posted in months (other than adding to themed threads like "st. patty's day" or "easter" pics and the like). 

It just seems lately that his board has been very dead when it comes to actual "discussion." Every new thread is an intro pic thread.


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## charlieversion2 (May 2, 2008)

If you want nothing but BHM/FFA discussion and topics, where they don't get filtered or moved to another forum non BHM/FFA related. Just google "BHM/ FFA" I'm 100% positive you'll find choices.

I could have sworn I had a link saved somewhere


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## Ninja Glutton (May 2, 2008)

ChrisVersion2 said:


> If you want nothing but BHM/FFA discussion and topics, where they don't get filtered or moved to another forum non BHM/FFA related. Just google "BHM/ FFA" I'm 100% positive you'll find choices.
> 
> I could have sworn I had a link saved somewhere



Oh, beautiful sarcasm.

/highfive


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## charlieversion2 (May 2, 2008)

We Own the Other Team or WOOT for short.


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## olwen (May 2, 2008)

> ...I think I have more concern over a fat guy's (or woman's) self esteem getting trampled in the "hot or not" fashion (as opposed to skinny folks who in real life are much more likely to receive praise) after they were begged to post photos, only to receive little attention once the people who probably asked for their photos in the first place make a judgement call and decide that the individual isn't attractive enough to warrant lots and lots of praise. (Which is fine, because people are entitled to their opinions--and let me make it clear my point is not to ask people to offer up fake praise to save people's feelings).
> 
> I posted this intitially because I believe the values of the fat acceptance movement are potentially being clouded by the emphasis on the body itself instead of the mind, heart and soul of those of us who are vulnerable already because we are not accepted by society as a whole (whether fat or fat admirer or whatever classfication we each give ourselves).



We all fat and thin subject ourselves to "hot or not" scrutiny whenever we leave our houses. Doesn't matter what you wear or how you are feeling, someone somewhere will be thinking "Oh my, can I go home with you?" or "Ewww, this is a hot mess over here." So what difference does it make if those judgements are being made in a pic post or not? They will be made whether you are aware of them or not. If you focus on it, it certainly will affect your self esteem for good or ill. If I post a pic of myself, I'm not going to get bent out of shape if a bunch of people don't give me praise, because I don't care. If they didn't think it was hot then that's okay. _ I _thought it was. My self worth just isn't dependent on that praise.

Fat Acceptance is slightly different things to different people, but whatever those things are, the body must be taken with the mind, heart, and soul because all those spiritual bits are affected by the body. I wouldn't be who I am without my fat, so why should I ignore it?


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 2, 2008)

cammy said:


> RANT ----
> The new MOD is much more likely to let the threads go as they go, but it seems that all of us posters are now shying away from anything that smells like a solid discussion where actual differing opinions may be brought forward.



I'm all for that...haven't figured out a way to get folks talking. 

Seriously unless it's something that is completely out of place, I see no reason why it can't be on the BHM/FFA board, you guys wanna talk about subjects with like minded folks...ie: What other BHM's or FFA's think about life on Mars, I'm totally down with that...so those who may be shying away...it's time to just come on out and get moving with the discussion.

The pictures are nice, but it can become very boring very quickly if that's all there is. So, this thread has been a nice one, has started discussion, and is very much appreciated.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 2, 2008)

Ok guys, I've removed a couple of posts. Just want to remind everyone that personal attacks are not within the rules. I'm sure we can all make our points without getting rude/nasty. I have faith in you guys, and seriously I hate having to delete things. 

 

Thanks

/mod


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 2, 2008)

I am only bothered when people who clearly aren't hot. Are deemed such. Like if your head is the size of your actual girlfriend. You fail.

Oh but yeah, I can understand where the OP is coming from and I do see a trend on this particular forum. If you're a new guy and come onto the BHM/FFA board and you post a thread introducing yourself, you're very likely to be asked for a belly photo. 

Now if you're female and did this and men asked for such photos, they'd be drilled about how OMG UR OBJECTIFYING WOMENZ.


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## olwen (May 2, 2008)

BGB, R U kidding me? There's an entire board dedicated to naughty pics of women. Where's the one of naughty pics of men? Where?


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 2, 2008)

olwen said:


> BGB, R U kidding me? There's an entire board dedicated to naughty pics of women. Where's the one of naughty pics of men? Where?



The entire purpose of THAT board is advertising your paysite. I am talking about posting on the main board or the lounge.

I mean, I guess if it just flat out said this was the naughty board well, alrighty then, but it isn't, is it?


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## olwen (May 2, 2008)

And yet there it is.

I know I don't have the same sense of history everyone else here does, so consider this a pointless commentary if you like, but it just seems to me the complaint I'm hearing just seems like a lot of well - whining. I'm just not sure why? What's so bad about the ladies wanting to see some pics of the men they admire?


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 2, 2008)

olwen said:


> And yet there it is.
> 
> I know I don't have the same sense of history everyone else here does, so consider this a pointless commentary if you like, but it just seems to me the complaint I'm hearing just seems like a lot of well - whining. I'm just not sure why? What's so bad about the ladies wanting to see some pics of the men they admire?



Hm, I'm not sure. I've never whined too much about it. I think it's just because a lot of the men who find this forum aren't really used to that kind of attention and are probably nervous about how they look and apprehensive about posting photos of themselves, just because they're not used to it. No matter how much one tells themselves that they'll be accepted/appreciated you're likely to just anticipate the worst.

and eh, I don't even know what the hell a BHM is anymore. haha


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 2, 2008)

Ya know, just thinking here and it may mean nothing.

But threads like post your sexiest pic nekkid etc, are chock full of the wimmins around here, and rarely do the guys feel comfortable enough to post in those type of threads.

So yeah I think on this board we do encourage the behavior, because, well because eye candy is nice and all.

Also, I think the fact that the guys don't feel comfortable enough to post on those threads and many don't venture from this specific board at all speaks volumes about where they feel they belong within the community.

This is why I think we need to get some discussion going around here, about what DIMs means to the BHM and to the FFA. As it is, many of us feel as though we're on the fringe. I feel comfortable enough to post outside of this board, but long ago, I didn't. I felt like even with in the SA community I was a bit abnormal. Why? Because interacting with a few FAs I was told that I wasn't really a BBW I needed to gain more blah blah blah, and when I said, well you're too thin for my taste anyway, it wasn't well received. So I stayed in my place and didn't venture out anymore.

I think we should all feel comfortable to talk about whatever it is we want to talk about, but until we all feel like one cohesive community, most of the BHM are not going to be inclined to move more than a step or two away from this board. Let's not even get started on the guys who are attracted to smaller women, everyone has their own preferences and I don't think anyone needs to be attacked because of them.

*sigh*

So I'm going to go start another thread...What does DIMS and the BHM/FFA board mean to you.


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## CuriousKitten (May 2, 2008)

Cheers to BlueBanshee for adequately moderating this thread.

Here are my two cents for whatever its worth.

The Newbie Acceptance post states that picture posts get more replies and so often people start a thread and no one responds so it became common knowledge that to get any attention, you should attach a picture to your post.

I think the Dims BHM FFA is limited in what it offers. I appreciate the picture posts. It's nice to see pictures of gorgeous men and it's uplifting to see couples.

However, in terms of content, I find that certain other BHM FFA sites offer more site content although not as erotic pictures.

Every website has its flaws but there are choices. If you don't like what you see here, then don't come here. Some have chosen to start their own off branch sites because they felt they could do it better. My philosophy is "Love it or Leave it". No point dissing other Dims members, this website, photos, or this community.

This is suppose to be one of the few places where you can go to feel accepted no matter what your size and I am horrified that people think it has turned into a Hot or Not website. This should be a community. If members are unhappy with the posts in the BHM FFA section here then it's good we talk about it but we should be respectful and thoughtful in our responses. It's a lot of work for BlueeyedBanshee to edit or delete everything and you risk alienating others in the community, some of which are new here, still in the closet, or unsure of themselves. If we want to succeed as an online community that promotes fat acceptance etc. then we need to start acting like a community and treat others with respect, patience, and tolerance.


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## charlieversion2 (May 2, 2008)

UGH! I can't rep you anymore!


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## olwen (May 2, 2008)

Women are nervous about the way we look too, and yet we post those pics. I think maybe women are better at expressing the need to be physically admired than men are. I dunno.

I do admit to feeling the BHM abscence here sometimes. I wonder where they are at all. Surely they have opinions. So why don't they express their point of view more often? But again, I don't have that sense of history you both do, so maybe they do express themselves and I'm just not aware of it.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 2, 2008)

Some they do, some they don't, some they will, some they won't, and some you never can tell

I really think we need to get some good/serious discussions going on.


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## Santaclear (May 2, 2008)

I give this thread a "6".

Dimensions has always been about "hot", at least that's been one of the biggest draws. (Witness the always-large number of viewers on the Paysite Board.) Increasingly I've noticed the presence and influence of BHMs too, which I think is a good thing. One can always choose to participate (or not) in any given thread.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 2, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> . One can always choose to participate (or not) in any given thread.



This is so true, it's just getting comfortable enough to feel a part of the community. Hopefully one day we'll get there.


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## olwen (May 2, 2008)

What's to feel? You have an opinion you think would be valuable or not and you express it. Easy peasy.


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## Dr. P Marshall (May 2, 2008)

olwen said:


> Women are nervous about the way we look too, and yet we post those pics. I think maybe women are better at expressing the need to be physically admired than men are. I dunno.
> 
> I do admit to feeling the BHM abscence here sometimes. I wonder where they are at all. Surely they have opinions. So why don't they express their point of view more often? But again, I don't have that sense of history you both do, so maybe they do express themselves and I'm just not aware of it.




See, I've always sensed that the phenomenon here is based on the fact that men and women do have different comfort zones in terms of expressing themselves. At least MOST do. I think for many BHM, no matter how nerve wracking putting up that first picture is, once they get over that hurdle, they can do it again and again. But they may take a very long time to ever feel comfortable expressing emotions, feelings, thoughts or struggles they have as a BHM. I think part of that is everyone's favorite topic societal gender roles. I think maybe the men feel more vulnerable talking about their emotions. Also, I think since men do objectify women more often, it could be possible that to a BHM who wants to feel really good about himself, he wants to know he's attractive. If that's how men perceive complimenting women "you're so beautiful", etc and they think that is an important expression of valuing a person, then it would make sense men would want to be objectified in turn. I'm not saying that's all men do or that that is the only value they place on women, but I think a man might assume that for a woman to feel truly comfortable and confident with herself, she would want to know she is beautiful too. The whole package if you will. And I think many of the BHM want to hear the same thing(well, that they're handsome). Especially since I think many BHM who have had relationships with non FFAs feel that they are looking for a more "complete" experience from FFAs and the one thing we can provide them that non FFAs can't is the assurance that they are attractive physically exactly as they are. 

Having said that, I love this place and I would like to see us have more discussions and see BHM as well as FFA contributing more of their thoughts and covering more topics of interest to them. I also know as an FFA I would like to learn things from BHM but am often hesitant to ask because I don't want to seem intrusive or that I am stereotyping or making assumptions.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 2, 2008)

from what I gather from most of the bhm around here, they don't feel like they really belong, and many times aren't comfortable enough to express their opinions away from this board, and even many times, not even on this board yet. I'd love to see that change.


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## ntwp (May 2, 2008)

I guess I still want to hear some responses of what people think is the reason WHY people feel seem to post more photos than they used to (not just thinking about self esteem or promoting the "if you don't like it you don't have to look" mentality) ... As far as photos go, sometimes people post many over and over, and sometimes just a few then they may stay or wander away... I have noticed these wanderers in particular, which troubles me... have they been scared off, felt a lack of attention, weirded out by *too much* attention, or what?

Are there any people who have posted photos, espeically in reply to the "pix please!!?" personalities that want to say something? Did you feel like you HAD to post photos? 

Are there any people who have had a really positive or neutral experience with posting lots of photos or photos in an introduction who want to weigh in? 

Obviously I can't understand it fully because I haven't shared photos of my own and experienced the feelings that go with that, but I genuinely want to know how it affects us as a whole and as individuals. 

My gut feeling tells me that like I suggested originally, some post photos to "keep up with the Jones's" or to make sure they don't get lost in the mix/ignored, mostly in introduction threads. Has anyone felt that way? 

More thoughts?


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 2, 2008)

well there was a rash of photos posted by a new person, several different pictures with several different names, he'd post one picture and then another under another name and yet another under another name. All of those posts have been removed, because it was found that he was one person, who knows if any of the pictures were truly him or not.

Other than that, I think some don't get the enough response to what they post and are discouraged, that is sad, I try to point them in the introduce yourself thread so we can get to know more about them, but that doesn't always work either.

As to why so many pic threads, I think it's just human nature. We all want to feel that someone is attracted to us. So here's a place where girls find big guys attractive, so I'm a guy used to girls not giving me a second glance, therefore I'm going to post a pic or two or three because there'll be girls who find me attractive.

I know initially it has to be a rush, like a kid in a candy store, and some get overzealous or disappointed because they don't get the expected response.

I'm not sure what other reasons are out there.


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## ntwp (May 2, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> ... Especially since I think many BHM who have had relationships with non FFAs feel that they are looking for a more "complete" experience from FFAs and the one thing we can provide them that non FFAs can't is the assurance that they are attractive physically exactly as they are.



You made so many good points, and also answered a question I wrote while you were writing this!  

I do think it can be such a wonderful, breathtaking thing when BHM seeks acceptance here and begins to feel empowered and attractive. Photos definitely have their place here and I don't think they should go altogether.

I also want people to not feel like they *have* to post them or that when they do, that they are being judged as harshly as in the real world. We are supposed to be a community that shares a common bond, not ripping each other apart.

I don't have answers, I just have thoughts. That's all I can bring and I enjoy reading others' thoughts on this matter and others.


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (May 2, 2008)

Wow, *drama much*? That is, previous to the thread being edited. 

The whole of this thread is a legitimate topic, but damn, some of you people got vicious. 


Some of the picture threads are irritating, but if I'm not interested, then I don't look. Simple as that. I'm sure other people are capable of the same self control as well. 

Personally, the pictures Chris and I post are, to me at least, works of art. 
How often do you get to see that kind of size comparison? At least in my last nine years of searching online, I've yet to find any similar pictures. So why not take some and share it with everyone?
Not only that, but Chris and I met through dimensions. So why not post pictures of our relationship considering as it began here? 
*
Oh yeah, and what a more relevant picture thread in a BHM/FFA forum than a thread with pictures of an FFA & BHM?!* :doh:​
But back to the thread topic...
When I got here people were posting pictures of themselves and it's just continued so I never questioned it until people started complaining, (hense Chris & I's recent lack of participation). 
So when others join and view these picture threads loaded with compliments, maybe they hope for the same compliments directed at them. It's completely reasonable, well... most of them are. 

As for people who are offended when they don't get the same amount of positive comments as others: it's just silly. 
I mean just because everyone here finds fat attractive, doesn't mean you're going to be attractive _because_ you're fat. Silly!

<3


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## Ninja Glutton (May 3, 2008)

I just think sometimes people put too much of a "fine line" between discussing their personal emotions and what some consider "whining." I've heard many people claim that the self-pity threads bother them greatly, but where do you draw the line between mature discussion and self-deprecation?


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## Carl1h (May 3, 2008)

Picture threads encourage more picture threads as long as there seem to be positive responses to them. Posting yourself on the internet is very much of this moment, isn't it? I'm not a prolific poster in any instance but I have never posted on a picture thread, not because I dislike them, but for several reasons that include such things as it makes me feel like a creepy old guy to tell 20 somethings, "hey baby, I think you are HOT!"

I think BHM and FFA picture threads have a place here, and couldn't there be picture threads and not have them be Hot or Not? No response to a picture thread might feel like you're being told you aren't hot, but being told that you're ugly is actually a lot worse. Plus opinions vary, that's what these boards are all about, that some people find beauty where others find ugly. As long as the tone of the responses runs positive I think things are OK. If someone gets a little too focused on someone specific, they should be reminded not to get creepy, if it's creepy, or to get a hotel room, if that's how it's going. The community can police itself.

For myself I tend to read threads that look interesting and if a thread I start reading loses my interest, I just move on. That's the internet isn't it? So much information you have to pick and choose for yourself at some level. I admit that I tend to read just the BHM/FFA forum here and not the other ones, mostly because I don't really spend that much time reading any forums and I get bogged down with all the other forums available. I'm not really interested in arguing with any one about whether my experience being a fat man is as valid as someone's experience being a fat woman. I had that argument many times in the 90's on the newsgroups and that was enough. Arguing about who is more oppressed and miserable doesn't appeal, everyone else wins that one, I'm not oppressed or miserable.

I never noticed any discussion threads going away, which makes me a dilettante I guess. I do notice the lack of discussion threads, but mostly I don't have any interesting thread topics to start either, so who am I to criticize? Maybe you should start a little game of discussion tag, IM someone and tell them to start a discussion thread and make it pertinent to BHMs and FFAs somehow. Then when their thread dies they IM someone else and that person starts one, and so on. That might stir things up for a minute or two. Of course if my discussion thread doesn't get enough replies, I'm leaving this forum forever, you've all been warned!

Carl


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## bexy (May 3, 2008)

the reason i post pics, and the reason i like to see pics posted is threefold

-you get to see who you are talking to!

-it does increase self esteem and self awareness. i am not going to lie about that. my self esteem has grown from joining this community. 

-its fun!!

it doesnt have to be about the drama! as long as pics posted are appropriate, and in the right threads, and not spam! 

personally i think the BHM board would not be as fun without pics of the hunky guys and their admirers. if you dont get replies so what. get over it! if you want responses, join a dating site. 

i can honestly say i look at near enough every pic posted, but comment on very few. the ones i comment on are usually those of my friends, people i chat to on the phone or msn, or see in real life.

as for chris and mary's pics, guys dont ever stop. u met through dims. the love and cuteness you guys have is inspiring and warming. its also hella hot to see your weight comparisons and you are what this board is about  :wubu:


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## LoveBHMS (May 3, 2008)

> Some of the picture threads are irritating, but if I'm not interested, then I don't look. Simple as that. I'm sure other people are capable of the same self control as well.
> 
> Personally, the pictures Chris and I post are, to me at least, works of art.
> How often do you get to see that kind of size comparison? At least in my last nine years of searching online, I've yet to find any similar pictures. So why not take some and share it with everyone?
> Not only that, but Chris and I met through dimensions. So why not post pictures of our relationship considering as it began here?



Exactly. I for one love Chris and Mary's picture threads. And I've never felt they were "hot or not" style pics, but rather them taking joy in their relationship and enjoying sharing it with other FFAs and BHMs. I think they are beautiful in showing size contrast but even more beautiful in showing their love for each other. The looks you see on their faces are so incredible...you can see they each feel so lucky to be together.

And as Mary said, if I don't like a picture, I don't look. But I don't question anyone's right to post it. Lots of dimmers find the Weight Board offensive and awful and scarey, and the advice to those folks is to *not fucking read the Weight Board.*


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## pagan22 (May 3, 2008)

I'm brand new here and the only pics I've posted is in the intro thread and my profile. I haven't noticed any provocative pics yet. I think posting a miscellaneous pic just to say "Hi" is nice (as people have done in the introductions thread). I like being able to see who I'm speaking to. It keeps it more personable and I'm more apt to remember conversations when I can put a face with a username.


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

Carl1h said:


> Picture threads encourage more picture threads as long as there seem to be positive responses to them. Posting yourself on the internet is very much of this moment, isn't it? I'm not a prolific poster in any instance but I have never posted on a picture thread, not because I dislike them, but for several reasons that include such things as it makes me feel like a creepy old guy to tell 20 somethings, "hey baby, I think you are HOT!"
> 
> I think BHM and FFA picture threads have a place here, and couldn't there be picture threads and not have them be Hot or Not? No response to a picture thread might feel like you're being told you aren't hot, but being told that you're ugly is actually a lot worse. Plus opinions vary, that's what these boards are all about, that some people find beauty where others find ugly. As long as the tone of the responses runs positive I think things are OK. If someone gets a little too focused on someone specific, they should be reminded not to get creepy, if it's creepy, or to get a hotel room, if that's how it's going. The community can police itself.
> 
> ...


Yes, but it's good for us to be aware of how you guys feel. Surely your point of view is as valid as any woman's. How are we to know unless you speak up?


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> See, I've always sensed that the phenomenon here is based on the fact that men and women do have different comfort zones in terms of expressing themselves. At least MOST do. I think for many BHM, no matter how nerve wracking putting up that first picture is, once they get over that hurdle, they can do it again and again. But they may take a very long time to ever feel comfortable expressing emotions, feelings, thoughts or struggles they have as a BHM. I think part of that is everyone's favorite topic societal gender roles. I think maybe the men feel more vulnerable talking about their emotions. Also, I think since men do objectify women more often, it could be possible that to a BHM who wants to feel really good about himself, he wants to know he's attractive. If that's how men perceive complimenting women "you're so beautiful", etc and they think that is an important expression of valuing a person, then it would make sense men would want to be objectified in turn. I'm not saying that's all men do or that that is the only value they place on women, but I think a man might assume that for a woman to feel truly comfortable and confident with herself, she would want to know she is beautiful too. The whole package if you will. And I think many of the BHM want to hear the same thing(well, that they're handsome). *Especially since I think many BHM who have had relationships with non FFAs feel that they are looking for a more "complete" experience from FFAs and the one thing we can provide them that non FFAs can't is the assurance that they are attractive physically exactly as they are.
> *
> Having said that, I love this place and I would like to see us have more discussions and see BHM as well as FFA contributing more of their thoughts and covering more topics of interest to them. I also know as an FFA I would like to learn things from BHM but am often hesitant to ask because I don't want to seem intrusive or that I am stereotyping or making assumptions.



I've heard this sentiment expressed before, but I'm not sure I really understand. How is having a relationship with a non FFA or non FA different from having a relationship with one? Is this the difference between someone being with a fat person _despite _his/her size or someone being with a fat person _because of _his/her size? Is there a fine line between the two or is it blatantly obvious and I'm missing something?


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## LoveBHMS (May 3, 2008)

> I've heard this sentiment expressed before, but I'm not sure I really understand. How is having a relationship with a non FFA or non FA different from having a relationship with one? Is this the difference between someone being with a fat person despite his/her size or someone being with a fat person because of his/her size? Is there a fine line between the two or is it blatantly obvious and I'm missing something?



I can answer this from 2 perspectives. Once women are over 30, our looks start to change. This is simple fact. We are aware of it, we are aware of it when we look in the mirror and we are aware of younger women and the differences between us. We're acutely aware of jokes about how men think they should "trade in a 40 for two 20's" and we're aware that us (if we're married) or our peers if we're not are suddenly worried over that cute young 22 year old in hubby's office.

Last summer, I met a guy who's what's called a MILFHunter. He has a fetish for older women. By that I mean, he's not willing to _look past_ age, and he's not even neutral on age, his particular sexual wiring is such that he is aroused by older women. He goes out of his way to look at them, talk to them, and he seeks them out as partners. When we were together, I had *zero* hangups about how I might look or worries about if I had enough concealer on one day. Because I knew he not only didn't care about looks, but my particular looks were compatible with his sex drive.

As an FFA, I can tell you the fat guys i've been with found a massive in being with me versus being with a non FFA. They felt sexy around me, they knew I wanted the lights on, they knew I wanted to see their bodies, they knew for a fact they turned me on. There was zero hesitancy about being naked or about feeling self conscious about a love handle or strained seam on a t-shirt. Not only was there no self consciousness about it, they knew I liked it.

It's the difference between somebody who likes you for yourself and somebody whose very sexuality you ignite.


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

Yes, but wouldn't the person who doesn't claim to be a MILF hunter, but who is still attracted to you because of your age (even tho he doesn't say so outright) still be a MILF hunter?

or

Is this the difference between someone who wants to be with a bbw/bhm and understands what it's like to be with a bbw/bhm and someone who doesn't but is still attracted to them?

I still feel like I'm missing something.


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## LoveBHMS (May 3, 2008)

olwen said:


> Yes, but wouldn't the person who doesn't claim to be a MILF hunter, but who is still attracted to you because of your age (even tho he doesn't say so outright) still be a MILF hunter?
> 
> or
> 
> ...



Well, the "claiming" part first of all takes all the nervousness and pressure off. I mean, think of the difference between going to a regular social event or club, and a fat-specific one. If you're at the fat specific one, sure, some men might not think you're attractive, but you know for 100% certain that one aspect of your body is a turnon. These men went out of their way to find fat women. So when a guy lets you know early on "I am turned on by older women" you never get the least bit nervous or uncomfortable or wonder if you're being stupid by being attracted to him. Who wants to feel nervous?

Sexuality is a very personal and primal thing. To ignite somebody's sex drive connects two people at such a basic level. Think about the fact it's totally involuntary. In order to like somebody personally you'd have to get to know them, speak to them, ask questions about them. With sexual attraction you often know almost instantly. If I'm with a fat guy who knows I'm an FFA, his comfort level with his body and with himself and with our connection will skyrocket.

Think of the comfort you feel with a close friend or relative. Think of the concept of unconditional love. Now, move laterally and think of unconditional attraction. By this, I don't mean all FFAs like all fat guys, or even that some of us don't also like skinny guys. But I mean a BHM with an FFA knows that when she looks at him or touches him, she's HOT. It's objectification in a good way.


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

I do understand about being more comfortable with someone who you know likes your size, but I always ask right away - "Are you turned on by my fat?" If they say yes, great. If they say no, then I have to ask "Well if you aren't into fat girls, then why are you trying to date me?" Why would I deal with a guy who isn't turned on by fat? And I've been in the situation where a guy loves to spend time with me and tell me how much he loves me but still doesn't want to be with me because of my fat. So nothing ever came out of that because they aren't into fat. So how could a person who isn't into fat want to be with person who is fat?

Similarly, I've been with the kind of guys who like fat to such a degree that they just doesn't see anything else. Tho I might feel comfortable being fat with a guy like that, it's no fun because they don't attempt to make a connection. Maybe my question now is why would a person try to be in a relationship with a person they aren't attracted to?


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## LoveBHMS (May 3, 2008)

olwen said:


> I do understand about being more comfortable with someone who you know likes your size, but I always ask right away - "Are you turned on by my fat?" If they say yes, great. If they say no, then I have to ask "Well if you aren't into fat girls, then why are you trying to date me?" Why would I deal with a guy who isn't turned on by fat? And I've been in the situation where a guy loves to spend time with me and tell me how much he loves me but still doesn't want to be with me because of my fat. So nothing ever came out of that because they aren't into fat. So how could a person who isn't into fat want to be with person who is fat?
> 
> Similarly, I've been with the kind of guys who like fat to such a degree that they just doesn't see anything else. Tho I might feel comfortable being fat with a guy like that, it's no fun because they don't attempt to make a connection. Maybe my question now is why would a person try to be in a relationship with a person they aren't attracted to?



Well that was kind of my point. Somebody might ask you for a date even if he was not an FA because you went to the same church or played the same musical instrument or had a friend in common or both liked the same type of art. But that is wholly different from being with somebody who is sexually aroused by your body.

Being with a non-MILFHunter I would have the same questions as you would. "If you're not into older women, why are you talking to me?" But the pairing of a MILFHunter with older woman makes sense and feels complete to both parties.


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Well that was kind of my point. *Somebody might ask you for a date even if he was not an FA because you went to the same church or played the same musical instrument or had a friend in common or both liked the same type of art. But that is wholly different from being with somebody who is sexually aroused by your body.
> *
> Being with a non-MILFHunter I would have the same questions as you would. "If you're not into older women, why are you talking to me?" But the pairing of a MILFHunter with older woman makes sense and feels complete to both parties.



Exactly, so why would a BHM be in a relationship with someone who isn't turned on by them? It's just been my experience that the sum of all the things you have in common is not at all equal to the power of sexual attraction. When you try to solve for x you get imaginary numbers.


...are we arguing the same point now?


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## LoveBHMS (May 3, 2008)

Well not all relationships are based on sexual attraction. Whether or not you or anyone else thinks its vital, not everyone gives it the same importance.

There may also be practical considerations. If you're a MILFHunter but you want kids, you obviously need a partner who's younger. As much as we like to think everyone should grow a spine and live their own life, for some people social and familial approval is important. The MILFHunter I dated just shrugged it off when somebody commented on the age difference, but not everyone wants to be bothered, and for some men I'm sure the practical issues involved in choosing to date somebody your age might be an important factor.

There's also the idea that somebody "was never a FA but totally fell for _____" or "I never liked fat guys but there is just something about ______ that I find appealing."


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## Smite (May 3, 2008)

MILFHunter is a porn site, and the star is named MILFHunter....did you see THE MILFHunter? :O


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## LoveBHMS (May 3, 2008)

Smite said:


> MILFHunter is a porn site, and the star is named MILFHunter....did you see THE MILFHunter? :O



That was clearly not how I was using the term.

Most people know that "MILF" stands for "mother i'd like to f**k". A "MILFHunter" is a male who has a sexual fetish for older women, whether or not they are actual mothers. It just denotes an older female.

I'm pretty sure most people here got that.


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> *Well not all relationships are based on sexual attraction. Whether or not you or anyone else thinks its vital, not everyone gives it the same importance.*
> 
> There may also be practical considerations. If you're a MILFHunter but you want kids, you obviously need a partner who's younger. As much as we like to think everyone should grow a spine and live their own life, for some people social and familial approval is important. The MILFHunter I dated just shrugged it off when somebody commented on the age difference, but not everyone wants to be bothered, and for some men I'm sure the practical issues involved in choosing to date somebody your age might be an important factor.
> 
> *There's also the idea that somebody "was never a FA but totally fell for _____" or "I never liked fat guys but there is just something about ______ that I find appealing."*



Compatibility is certainly important and vital to a couple's longevity. But anyone who doesn't think physical attraction (and creativity) matters is fooling themselves. It matters.

This just doesn't make sense to me. But then maybe it is different for guys. I would love to hear the opinion of a BHM. But maybe that's a topic for another thread.


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## Smite (May 3, 2008)

Most of the times they aren't called "MILFHunters" though, but the more recent "cougar hunter" and sorts. I've never really seen it used outside of that website. It's just funny to me to see someone call themselves a "MILFHunter" in that exact spelling as that's exactly how it's labelled on that website, so it brought me to wonder if it's one of the same...


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## LoveBHMS (May 3, 2008)

Smite said:


> Most of the times they aren't called "MILFHunters" though, but the more recent "cougar hunter" and sorts. I've never really seen it used outside of that website. It's just funny to me to see someone call themselves a "MILFHunter" in that exact spelling as that's exactly how it's labelled on that website, so it brought me to wonder if it's one of the same...



I've never heard the term cougar hunter. To me a cougar is an older woman who pursues younger men, and that does not apply to me. I do not seek out younger men as sexual partners. In this particular case, I encountered a man who had a fetish for older women (whatever you call such a male) and we began spending time together.


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## Ninja Glutton (May 3, 2008)

Regarding provocative photos:

I don't know. I'm enjoy them. I'm kind of an exhibitionist, so most of mine are a little risque. I try to keep it tasteful, though. If you don't like that sort of thing, I apologize, but it was your choice to look in the first place.

Also, I think it's an equal-opportunity seduction because the ladies' pics make me drool all over myself


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## fat hiker (May 3, 2008)

olwen said:


> What's to feel? You have an opinion you think would be valuable or not and you express it. Easy peasy.



And it would be - but if not when the BHM immediately gets verbally assaulted by a host of male FAs who think of themselves as fit and will 'diss' any guy who doesn't meet their standards of male physical appearance...

Now, mercifully, this doesn't happen on the BHM/FFA board, thank goodness, and is not as common on Dims boards as elsewhere - still, its real.


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## fat hiker (May 3, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> As an FFA, I can tell you the fat guys i've been with found a massive in being with me versus being with a non FFA. They felt sexy around me, they knew I wanted the lights on, they knew I wanted to see their bodies, they knew for a fact they turned me on. There was zero hesitancy about being naked or about feeling self conscious about a love handle or strained seam on a t-shirt. Not only was there no self consciousness about it, they knew I liked it.
> 
> It's the difference between somebody who likes you for yourself and somebody whose very sexuality you ignite.



Well put! I agree.


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

fat hiker said:


> And it would be - but if not when the BHM immediately gets verbally assaulted by a host of male FAs who think of themselves as fit and will 'diss' any guy who doesn't meet their standards of male physical appearance...
> 
> Now, mercifully, this doesn't happen on the BHM/FFA board, thank goodness, and is not as common on Dims boards as elsewhere - still, its real.



But do you stand up for yourself when they go there? Do others defend you? Do you remind them that there are women who find you attractive? Do you really make your presence known? Or do you just let it go and stick to this board?


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## William (May 3, 2008)

Hey Olwen

The problem with that kind of debate or argument is that one-side either Fat Men or Women is going to get slighted or receive the the bad end of the conversation and that is not what Dimensions is about.

William





olwen said:


> But do you stand up for yourself when they go there? Do others defend you? Do you remind them that there are women who find you attractive? Do you really make your presence known? Or do you just let it go and stick to this board?


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## Dr. P Marshall (May 3, 2008)

olwen said:


> Maybe my question now is why would a person try to be in a relationship with a person they aren't attracted to?



I have male friends both BHM and non who have had girlfriends who didn't find them attractive. For some, it was that she liked his personality, or thought he was a good guy, some it was their financial status or business status. Although I have obviously gone a different way with things, my mother's side of the family believes that as long as he is a good man and a stable man, that should be enough. I don't think anyone in my family is actually married to someone they find unattractive completely, but I don't think physical attraction was very important for my aunts and my grandmother etc. I don't think I am from the only family where the women have those priorities. It's becoming less common in society now, but I actually think for a long time it happened in a lot of places that way. Now, I realize for me, I want a man who is all of those things AND who I find physically attractive. That extra connection does make the whole relationship feel different in my opinion from the FFA side of things. I've even dated thin men I found generally attractive, but that extra part was missing and it didn't feel the same as my relationships with BHM I find attractive. I would imagine the same is true from the BHM side of the equation. I would imagine it feels different when you know she likes everything about you, versus knowing she likes you but has to overlook a few things. The difference between feeling perfect versus good enough. That's just my guess though, since I'm not a BHM.


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

Dr. P., I understand. I suppose the BHMs really don't have too much to say about it.


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

William said:


> Hey Olwen
> 
> The problem with that kind of debate or argument is that one-side either Fat Men or Women is going to get slighted or receive the the bad end of the conversation and that is not what Dimensions is about.
> 
> William



But not having the debate doesn't do anything to further understanding on both sides.


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## William (May 3, 2008)

Hi Olwen

Basically in that debate BHMs would get the bum deal because I think that FFAs more than FAs would reply with answers that are more honest, clear headed, fair to both women and men and in less of a fetish mentality.

William





olwen said:


> But not having the debate doesn't do anything to further understanding on both sides.


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

William said:


> Hi Olwen
> 
> Basically in that debate BHMs would get the bum deal because I think that FFAs more than FAs would reply with answers that are more honest, clear headed, fair to both women and men and less of a fetish mentality.
> 
> William




Okay William, if I understand you correctly you are saying that BHMs in general are content to let others speak for them instead of speaking for themselves because they don't know how to articulate themselves? Is that really what you are saying or have I misinterpreted your comment?


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## William (May 3, 2008)

Hi Olwen 

I have no problem speaking up and I have to applaud Dimensions for being one of the few places in Fat Acceptance where if a person speaks their mind in a decent way that they are not put on moderation or worse.

Dimensions will always have extreme FAs that take things too far and to debate that calls for replies that are not very appropriate either.

William




olwen said:


> Okay William, if I understand you correctly you are saying that BHMs in general are content to let others speak for them instead of speaking for themselves because they don't know how to articulate themselves? Is that really what you are saying or have I misinterpreted your comment?


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## Fyreflyintheskye (May 3, 2008)

This may or may not be related. Maybe I am misunderstanding the context of the first post. I don't think *all *people requesting photos of others is necessarily because they want to compare you with anyone or any standard in their mind. Personally, I would never ask anyone to send me any photos. If you intrigue me, I am apt to nudge you with things like, "You don't have a photo uploaded." It's not judgemental; it's matter-of-fact. If someone gets defensive about a statement, he's an asshole, plain and simple. It is my way of pointing out to this person that the rest of us aren't as anonymous as he or she is. If someone is trying to privately talk to me here or in chat, and they post no information or a photo of themself, they get ignored. It would be nice if we were all on the same level of openness. Age, location, photo, a sentence about yourself... that's not too much to ask. That's not too personal. And if it is and you're asking me questions about myself when you haven't even finished your first page, you're more likely to get embarrassed in front of everyone present. I'm apt to call you out on it rather than completely ignore you because it's essentially trolling. How dare someone propose or even demand we tell them things or send them things when they show no initiative? Frig you! I'll send you a goddamned kick in the crotch, you anonymous bastard. How about that? 


I think I just went off on a rant. I must be cranky and need to make dinner or something!  I'm not trying to hijack the thread or anything. 

:bow:


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## olwen (May 3, 2008)

William said:


> Hi Olwen
> 
> I have no problem speaking up and I have to applaud Dimensions for being one of the few places in Fat Acceptance where if a person speaks their mind in a decent way that they are not put on moderation or worse.
> 
> ...



Okay. I think I see what you're saying. Thanks.


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## ntwp (May 3, 2008)

ShakenBakeSharleen said:


> I don't think *all *people requesting photos of others is necessarily because they want to compare you with anyone or any standard in their mind.




Thank you for bringing this point up. Perhaps my posts have been too judgemental against the people who request photos. I don't want to alienate them. I'm sure most if not all of them have good intentions and deserve to be treated fairly in this thread as well, so I'm glad we can all see the many perspectives on this issue. 


Like some others I missed the "drama" in this thread before it got moderated and I'm glad I did. I want to stir up thought, not extreme controversy.


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## William (May 3, 2008)

I like the photos and if I am at work and see the paperclip icon I just do not open them.

William





ntwp said:


> Thank you for bringing this point up. Perhaps my posts have been too judgemental against the people who request photos. I don't want to alienate them. I'm sure most if not all of them have good intentions and deserve to be treated fairly in this thread as well, so I'm glad we can all see the many perspectives on this issue.
> 
> 
> Like some others I missed the "drama" in this thread before it got moderated and I'm glad I did. I want to stir up thought, not extreme controversy.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 3, 2008)

1. I haven't read every post in this thread....just read some and then browsed my way through so forgive me if I missed something crucial.....


2. You know...when people ask me for pics up on other boards....it's cool with me. Actually...I'm flattered by it. They WANT to see me....this is a place for fat people...and the people that admire them. 
I can understand the need not to "Feel Judged" by how you look...but holy cow, you're in a conversation, giving out your opinions...isn't it natural for people to wonder who they are talking to...as in what you look like? 
That said, I can see how one could get creeped out if the party asking for pics didn't seem interested in you beyond that......

3. I can fully agree that your self esteem should not be contingent on the opinions of people on the net...however, it is always nice to hear a kind word occasionally. 

4. If you like receiving kind words....then don't be shy about giving them out. You get back what you give....full circle. If you give nothing, wtf would you expect anything?

5. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What is attractive to one might not be right for the next person....simple enough concept.

6. I agree with the idea that if you are not comfortable with posting your pic- or simply don't like the request of a certain pose or body part....then protest by not posting. Easy enough.....

7. I think Dimensions goes wayyyyyyyyyyy beyond the posting of eye candy........ makes me wonder how long the asker has been here, or if they have browsed ALL the boards, if they truly have to wonder.


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## ntwp (May 3, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> 7. I think Dimensions goes wayyyyyyyyyyy beyond the posting of eye candy........ makes me wonder how long the asker has been here, or if they have browsed ALL the boards, if they truly have to wonder.




I agree. I probably exaggerated the issue initially to elicit thought and responses. Unlike some, I'm actually cool with people disagreeing with me, and I am very open to having my mind changed by people who make good points. 

Certainly there are many, many wonderful topics of conversation as there have been for years (btw I lurked on and off for about 5 years, then for 2 additional years I lurked heavily and only started posting recently. I remember the old boards if that means anything.) Because of that, I noticed a photo trend and wanted to get thoughts from others. 

I think I got misinterpreted by many who replied. I beileve photos have their place here, and are positive for almost everyone. My issue was with just about every single new BHM who introduces himself without a photo is begged to post one by one or more FFAs. The general consensus seems to be that the guys who do put themselves out there have to be ready to deal with the responses (or lack therof) that they receive, and that people don't have to feel like they "have" to post photos. It's a choice, which is great. Maybe I just wanted to see less begging. 

Your response was thoughtful and makes me realize that I was probably being too critical of how much photo posting takes place. But I'm no prude even if people think I might be. And I never apologize for wondering out loud.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 4, 2008)

ntwp said:


> I agree. I probably exaggerated the issue initially to elicit thought and responses. Unlike some, I'm actually cool with people disagreeing with me, and I am very open to having my mind changed by people who make good points.
> 
> Certainly there are many, many wonderful topics of conversation as there have been for years (btw since you seemed to be a bit miffed that I even brought up the topic, I lurked on and off for about 5 years, then for 2 additional years I lurked heavily and only started posting recently. I remember the old boards if that means anything.) Because of that, I noticed a photo trend and wanted to get thoughts from others.
> 
> ...




My apologies if I made you feel that you had to go on the defensive. I am not miffed by your musings/ponderings. It actually sparked a good convo, IMO.
I never intended for you to think I wanted an apology for how you feel- that's certainly not the case. 

The confusing part was that your thread title says "Dimensions" as a whole and not BHM/FFA board...which seems to be where your point of contention lies. 

In other parts of the forum, such as the mainboard...how many photo threads are up there? Not many.....there can be some real discussions on this forum AS A WHOLE...which is why I felt you needed to be more clear in the title about what you specifically meant. (after reading your post, I really think you just meant the BHM board specifically)


I can understand if you get sick of people always asking for your photo....how you look isn't THE most important aspect of you. Just like some of the BBWs (myself included) can become irritated by guys that approach us and can't seem to hold back from asking for our weight/sizes/measurements and photo after photo....and the most annoying of those are the ones with NO PHOTO OF THEIR OWN :doh: 
Having a real conversation when you approach someone new is an important step..and some people forget that in an online community. 

The BHM board does seem to have a lot of photo threads but so does the weight board, in all fairness...and the BHMs, once again in all fairness, don't seem to be as "well received " posting their pics up there as they are on this forum made especially for them. The ladies posting pics on the forums often time get some welcomed attention from the males....the guys need nice words from time to time as well. 
The FFAs asking for photos.....do the males complain about it? Some might like it....others might be uncomfortable. I haven't witnessed anything on this board that I would construe as "harrassing" or bothersome...but then again, I don't read every single post so I could be off base with my impressions. 

If people are asking/cajoling you/others for pics that people don't feel comfortable posing for/posting....and this has been made clear, then to keep asking is rude and inconsiderate. A person that does that to you/others is a person not worth your time. I write those types off as "e-assholes". 
That being said....it's important to know that not everyone is like that.....though it can be hard as hell to keep that in mind if you feel bombarded by too many too often...


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 4, 2008)

missaf, I appreciated the job you did and now doing it I appreciate it even more. I'm trying to find ways to stir some intelligent conversations around here, and hopefully build a better sense of community.
 
It is a lot more difficult than many think.


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## BHMluver (May 4, 2008)

ntwp said:


> And is the eye candy becoming too much of a competition? I know people have joked that it was, but is this becoming like a "hot or not" web site? Is that a good or bad thing, or neither?



I have to say I've been feeling the same way - actually, for quite awhile now. Sure, I LOVE a sassy pic. now and again & it's nice to hear you are a looker - especially if that hasn't always been the case. Still, it gets a bit old to me and thus, there are long periods of time I don't bother even checking the threads.

Still, I wish there would be more focus on people's feelings about experiences and issues surrounding being a/loving a BHM. I applaud anyone here who has the courage to post even a simple face pic. (Guess I'm old school & would never throw consider putting stuff out there on the internet - i.e.: a blog, MySpace, a detailed Facebook page.) 

In summary, I think it would be a huge loss if we lost people because of posting or not posting pics. Or if they were ignored a bit due to a perceived lack of "hotness."


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## topher38 (May 4, 2008)

As a man who has posted "free Porn" of himself on the BHM forum. I would like to point out you can see that on the first page theres 10ish threads with photos in them and 24ish without. most of the look at me threads head to the 4th or 5th pages very soon after posting unless the person keeps putting in new photos. but if most of you feel these photos are not what this forum needs I will gladly take mine down.


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## Rojodi (May 4, 2008)

I'm 43 years old. I have, frankly, a LOT of gray hair, everywhere. I am losing the hair on my head, suffering from some male pattern baldness. I am fat. With that being said....

I haven't been fat all my life. In another life - before 1990 or so - I was in shape, an athlete and a nerd. I could play sports AND construct the background for a Dungeons and Dragons campaign EQUALLY. I have NEVER been ashamed of my body. I share my pictures, not because I need to be told I'm hot or not - I KNOW I AM hahahaha - but because I want to share. Call me an exhibitionist...

My $3.75...the price of gas here


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## PolarKat (May 4, 2008)

Haven't read this thread to the end yet, so..

I'd first like to make a bit of a comment on the previous mod for this forum, a few people have critiqued Missaf unfairly, I don't recall her pulling any interesting or questionable threads, quite the opposite, I even remember when she was trying hard to spark some good converstation/debate on this forum, to counterbalance the pic threads and try to delve deeper into the BHM/FFA issues.. despite her efforts it didn't work. I think she was an excellent member of this community, and did quite a bit to help others.



olwen said:


> Exactly, so why would a BHM be in a relationship with someone who isn't turned on by them? It's just been my experience that the sum of all the things you have in common is not at all equal to the power of sexual attraction. When you try to solve for x you get imaginary numbers.
> ...are we arguing the same point now?



Because FFA's don't exist in real life... From my perspective.. I don't/didn't have much of a choice, if you would have told me 3 years ago there were women out there, that liked fat men.. I would have questioned your sanity. If you tell me today that there's an FFA within 50km of where I am right now.. I would find it hard to believe you. I'm male, hetro, and would like to have a companion, so I have to choose from what's available, the alternative is staying single.

To continue where LBMHS/Dr.P were going.. You're completely right "the sum off all things common is != to sexual attraction", that is the cold hard truth, you learn to live with it. The fortunate thing is that the human brain is capable of reason, and some people can think with their brains vs. their naughty bits, and then re-order what they consider attraction, it's what we call "settling" in some cases, and "maturing" in others. Also there are people who's attraction isn't based on weight, myself included. The things that I find physically attractive can be present on a woman of any size,and I know there are women who are the same, "fat" to them isn't a large part of the physical equation, but for various reasons it still remains part of the equation. The vast majority of fat men will have to find one of these 2 types for a partner.. That's just the way it is.. 
I don't want to derail this tread, so If you want to cover this topic further just start up a new thread


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## ntwp (May 4, 2008)

topher38 said:


> ... but if most of you feel these photos are not what this forum needs I will gladly take mine down.



I don't think anyone is promoting the idea of taking threads down that already exist or even the idea of never having any picture threads. My point is more, "hey everybody, let's make sure we're thinking about what we're doing now, and in the future."

Whether you're a BHM or FFA, loud and proud, a lurker, a newbie, a longtime or a sometime member, someone who posts pics often, hardly ever or never at all, let's think harder about why we're here and what our purposes are. Let's not just post photos flippantly, but do it with purpose and without risking the integrity of this site. Let's make the photos fun and meaningful, not something that turns it into a competition or pressure new guys into posting photos just because we want something to look at. Several people have commented that they enjoy the photos and think that it's a good way to get to know people. That's definitely an awesome part of this site. 

I have faith in Dimensions. I've gotten the feeling that some people lose faith in it for one or several reasons, and that's not cool because many of us feel like this is the only place we are totally accepted for who we are. 

So in conclusion, photos can be awesome but make sure when you (by you I mean everyone) post that there is a good reason, and that you're doing it for yourself and no one else, and that your self-esteem isn't totally riding on it.


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## Smite (May 4, 2008)

I think most people were mad at Missaf for the whole cencoring of BFC thing...


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## olwen (May 4, 2008)

PolarKat said:


> Haven't read this thread to the end yet, so..
> 
> I'd first like to make a bit of a comment on the previous mod for this forum, a few people have critiqued Missaf unfairly, I don't recall her pulling any interesting or questionable threads, quite the opposite, I even remember when she was trying hard to spark some good converstation/debate on this forum, to counterbalance the pic threads and try to delve deeper into the BHM/FFA issues.. despite her efforts it didn't work. I think she was an excellent member of this community, and did quite a bit to help others.
> 
> ...



This will be my last comment on this particular point so as not to turn this thread into another issue (you're quite right about that).

Polarkat, I like your comment because I know there are bbw's who feel exactly the same way. We have more in common than you think. I think this is probably a function of living in a fat body period.




I happen to like the pics. Some turn me on and some don't, but that's just par for the course for everybody. It does me good to see the men being so free with themselves and makes me feel glad that they take that step. I applaud the BHMs who do post. Thank you. The more bodies on display the more normalized those bodies become. 

I don't see this you-shouldn't-feel-pressured-to-post-pics sentiment directed at women on the other boards so I just have to wonder why some of the FFAs think so many BHMs would be more fragile than the BBWs and would even need to be told they don't have to feel pressured. But since I'm neither a long time FFA nor a BHM, there must be something about this dynamic that I'm just missing. If this is such an emotional and divisive issue, I'm glad to see it being discussed.


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## Carl1h (May 4, 2008)

olwen said:


> I don't see this you-shouldn't-feel-pressured-to-post-pics sentiment directed at women on the other boards so I just have to wonder why some of the FFAs think so many BHMs would be more fragile than the BBWs and would even need to be told they don't have to feel pressured. But since I'm neither a long time FFA nor a BHM, there must be something about this dynamic that I'm just missing. If this is such an emotional and divisive issue, I'm glad to see it being discussed.



I haven't seen any BHMs complain about being pressured to post pics, but that doesn't mean that it hasn't happened. I think that what you are seeing might be an artifact of the difference between how men and women communicate in this type of forum, or just the women here understanding from personal experience about being pressured into things like posting pics and trying to be more classy about it. Of course, this is just me, again, basically arguing against the perception that BHMs are a bunch of fragile flowers on the verge of an emotional breakdown. Hmmm maybe that is worth its own thread... might stir some discussion.


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## olwen (May 4, 2008)

Carl1h said:


> I haven't seen any BHMs complain about being pressured to post pics, but that doesn't mean that it hasn't happened. I think that what you are seeing might be an artifact of the difference between how men and women communicate in this type of forum, or just the women here understanding from personal experience about being pressured into things like posting pics and trying to be more classy about it. Of course, this is just me, again, basically arguing against the perception that BHMs are a bunch of fragile flowers on the verge of an emotional breakdown. Hmmm maybe that is worth its own thread... might stir some discussion.



Carl I honestly had never thought about BHM fragility or lack thereof at all till I read this thread. I think you should start that thread. Get your brethren to talking.


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## ntwp (May 4, 2008)

olwen said:


> The more bodies on display the more normalized those bodies become.


That is probably the best argument for the inclusion of pics that I've read. Well put.


olwen said:


> I don't see this you-shouldn't-feel-pressured-to-post-pics sentiment directed at women on the other boards so I just have to wonder why some of the FFAs think so many BHMs would be more fragile than the BBWs and would even need to be told they don't have to feel pressured. But since I'm neither a long time FFA nor a BHM, there must be something about this dynamic that I'm just missing. If this is such an emotional and divisive issue, I'm glad to see it being discussed.





ntwp said:


> So in conclusion, photos can be awesome but make sure when you (by you I mean everyone) post that there is a good reason, and that you're doing it for yourself and no one else, and that your self-esteem isn't totally riding on it.



Olwen, you seem to be stuck on this notion of why-are-FFAs-sticking-up-for-BHM-and-not-the-other-way-around thing. To clarify one last time, I meant this for men and women. I meant for all of my questions to be flexible and applicable to everyone. Just because I posted on the BHM board doesn't mean I think men are the only people with valid feelings, and I think everyone will probably agree with that. I don't recall anyone saying BHM are more fragile than BBW, but I could be wrong.


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## olwen (May 4, 2008)

ntwp said:


> That is probably the best argument for the inclusion of pics that I've read. Well put.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



No, I wasn't stuck on that notion at all. It had only occurred to me when I posted that. No one said it outright. That's just how I interpreted the sum of all the posts up to that point.


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## PolarKat (May 4, 2008)

olwen said:


> This will be my last comment on this particular point so as not to turn this thread into another issue (you're quite right about that).
> 
> Polarkat, I like your comment because I know there are bbw's who feel exactly the same way. We have more in common than you think. I think this is probably a function of living in a fat body period.


I know that BHM/BBW's are very simmilar, the daily basics are identical, but the divide comes about in gender roles and perception.. I'll move over to Carl1h's new thread to post some opinions on this..


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## pendulous (May 4, 2008)

Is Dims becoming a "hot or what?" web site?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 4, 2008)

Smite said:


> I think most people were mad at Missaf for the whole cencoring of BFC thing...




For the record, just want to say that I am "not mad" at Missaf.....nor do I have any problems with her as a mod. Nor do I know what the "BFC thing" is about......
I appreciate all our mods...they do good work at NO COST to anyone.


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## cammy (May 5, 2008)

I thought the OP meant is 'DIMs an in or out place to hang' - not, are BHMs hot or not. I guess I missed the point entirely! :doh:


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## Zandoz (May 5, 2008)

For the record, up front, I appreciate the work that Missaf did for us in the past, and the work Blue is doing for us now. :bow: All any human can do is is act on their best judgment...and the only thing certain about doing so is that some are not not going to be happy with the results of that best judgement.

Hot-or-not site? No, it's pretty obvious that there is a hell of a lot more to this place than that. Is there some Hot-or-not "stuff" going on? Sure...I'd be surprised if there were not. If the whole idea of hot-or-not did not have a pretty broad human appeal, there would not be a lot of VERY popular sites dedicated to that kind of thing...and a lot of pockets of that kind of thing all over. In general, if you are not up for what ever results you might get in a thread like that, don't put yourself out there. If you don't like that kind of thread, as soon as you determine a thread is taking that path, don't look at it any more....and that goes for any other kind of thread to, with the exception of those that are clearly objectionable based on the intent and rules of the site. Yes, there are some threads that illicit an eye-roll from me...but if they make others happy, more power to em. Who am I to deny anyone that which makes them happy, and that does no outright harm to me or others. 

Personally, I choose rarely to post any kind of pic of me, any where, and it's only been the last few years that anyone in my online world has seen a pic of me. Why? Simply because as a whole, most people in this world would rather not see me...combined with on the whole there being very few pics of me in general, and way fewer that are not seriously bad. Am I ashamed of myself? No. Modest? Hell no...even my wife says I'm way to eager to get nekkid...LOL To me there just is just no good point in putting "out there" that which most people would rather not, or at best have no interest in seeing. Over the last few years, I have started occasionally putting up pics...mostly just to satisfy the "I want to see who I've been dealing with" set...but there are still folks who are shocked when the see a pic of me...LOL. Here in the BHM forum, if not married, yeah, I'd probably be one to put up pics that would likely still get me in trouble...LOL...but that is because this little niche is one where that kind of thing is at least in general accepted.


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## William (May 5, 2008)

Hi 

When I look through the threads that I have subscribed to I find that Missaf played a important part in most of them and I really enjoyed her tenure as the Boss 

William






Green Eyed Fairy said:


> For the record, just want to say that I am "not mad" at Missaf.....nor do I have any problems with her as a mod. Nor do I know what the "BFC thing" is about......
> I appreciate all our mods...they do good work at NO COST to anyone.


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## William (May 5, 2008)

PK

Great Post!!

I think that people should realize that BHM will never be as open about their feelings as BBWs are. It is just the way men are. Some time they will open up in a safe place like here.

William




PolarKat said:


> Haven't read this thread to the end yet, so..
> 
> I'd first like to make a bit of a comment on the previous mod for this forum, a few people have critiqued Missaf unfairly, I don't recall her pulling any interesting or questionable threads, quite the opposite, I even remember when she was trying hard to spark some good converstation/debate on this forum, to counterbalance the pic threads and try to delve deeper into the BHM/FFA issues.. despite her efforts it didn't work. I think she was an excellent member of this community, and did quite a bit to help others.
> 
> ...


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## pagan22 (May 5, 2008)

After more exploring, I see what you mean about some pics being provocative. Isn't everyone here over 18? I haven't seen any breasts, penises, or vaginas. The only thing are bare bottoms in the butt thread. While some are indeed provocative, I think it's great. Where else do you have support and admirers of your body? It's wonderful to post a pic of your rolls and have a group of people hoot and holler and tell you how beautiful you are. 

I remember the first time a guy said I was pretty. I was on cloud nine for days afterwards. It's a warm afterglow feeling. I think various threads in Dims deliver that in bucketfuls. As long as it doesn't get pornographic, I don't see why people can't keep posting those gorgeous images of themselves.

The only thing is maintaining a good atmosphere for discussions. Pic threads should be kept separate from the BHM/BBW/FA discussions because they're usually lighthearted and fun.


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## PolarKat (May 6, 2008)

William said:


> PK
> 
> Great Post!!
> 
> ...



Thank you! It definately is much easier to open up here, and it is very much a male thing, I don't see myself ever opening up to real life male friends about issues I have on a level other than the usual work problems etc.. nothing of an emotional level.. It's the old saying "men don't cry". Probably why we're filling up the jails


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## olwen (May 6, 2008)

Talking about the things that bother you doesn't make you weak. It empowers you. Sometimes it is difficult to be vulnerable but in the end you're better off. It shows the world that you have humanity. And I'm sure that if you guys did get to talking to each other you'd find that you have the same issues and concerns going on in your head. 

If I had to deal with that sort of emotional confinement I'd probably be in jail too....


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## William (May 6, 2008)

Hi Olwen

I work in a Drug Rehab and I have seen men of all sizes (we get mostly thin customers) crumble because of crap that they have held in for far too long.

William





olwen said:


> Talking about the things that bother you doesn't make you weak. It empowers you. Sometimes it is difficult to be vulnerable but in the end you're better off. It shows the world that you have humanity. And I'm sure that if you guys did get to talking to each other you'd find that you have the same issues and concerns going on in your head.
> 
> If I had to deal with that sort of emotional confinement I'd probably be in jail too....


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## olwen (May 6, 2008)

What do you mean exactly? Do you mean to say that letting out their issues is a bad thing or a good thing?


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## William (May 6, 2008)

Hi Olwen

If you are replying to me, no I mean that it was emotions and feelings that they should have deal with long ago.

William



olwen said:


> What do you mean exactly? Do you mean to say that letting out their issues is a bad thing or a good thing?


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## olwen (May 7, 2008)

William said:


> Hi Olwen
> 
> If you are replying to me, no I mean that it was emotions and feelings that they should have deal with long ago.
> 
> William



Gotcha. Thanx.


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## 1300 Class (May 7, 2008)

> My view of Dimensions is that it is primarily a site to talk about size acceptance and issues with being or admiring all that comes with a big man or woman.


I don't tend to see it that way. I see it as a themed social forum where many topics (such as the Lounge and Hyde Park) are more prominant first and foremost than the main board and size acceptance itself.


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## jdwhitak (May 24, 2008)

I think to a certain extent this forum is becoming a hot or not site. It has kind of turned me off on Dims, but I know why people do it. This is a place where men and women can post a pic and have someone say something positive about their appearance. It can be a real confidence booster when your used to getting rejected by people!


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