# Little piece of advice



## molligmag (Jan 7, 2008)

Hi friends,

I am a FA since I was 12. In my teenage years I have dated several +size girls, but as "friends" gave me a rough time more and more my girlfriends became thinner and thinner over the years. 

8 years ago I met my present girlfriend, she was a little chubby with a very pretty face. I was very in love with her, she has the greatest personality and is a warm person to be with. After the first "head over heals months" I started to hear a little voice in my head, which said; This is not what you want, you want a beautiful fat girl" As years past by my girlfriend lost all her extra college pounds and everyone complimented her with her slim 140 lbs body. I was happy for her, because she felt a lot better with her new body.

Today I am 32 and I have a pretty, intelligent girlfriend, but I am very unhappy. I am unhappy because I cannot give her the love she deserves, feel no physical attraction for her and I am constantly thinking how wonderful it would be to be with a BBW. I know it would be better to break up with her and to pursue my own happiness and let her find the right man for her, but I just can't do it. Is the physical and sexual part more important than the emotional and caring part? I can't make the decision.

I hope I don't get flamed down as a guy without the guts to break up, because it's tearing me apart and I don't know how to deal with this situation.
Hope to hear a word of advice from you.

Mark


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## Jes (Jan 7, 2008)

when you break up with her, will you end up still not dating a fat woman because your friends give you a rough time?

if so, save everyone the trouble and stay with your girlfriend if she loves you, but let her find someone who craves her body to have sex with, on the side.

that's my suggestion.


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## Ruby Ripples (Jan 7, 2008)

molligmag said:


> Hi friends,
> 
> I am a FA since I was 12. In my teenage years I have dated several +size girls, but as "friends" gave me a rough time more and more my girlfriends became thinner and thinner over the years.
> 
> ...



I hope you don't get too flamed either, though I fear you will. I admire your honesty and your bravery in posting here. I think you have to do what is right for you, you are still a young man, and you don't want to live your life unhappy because of this. It's not fair on her either. So many people on here talk about how if you "really" love a person, their appearance/body size/ shape/whatever won't matter, but I think that for the majority of people, that's just not true. Yes as you say you can love her for her, but if you are not physically and sexually attracted to her, then .. how can things get any better? I don't think you are being shallow or anything either, as I can see from your words that you love this woman, and I imagine if you could wave a magic wand to make yourself be sexually attracted to her, you would do it in an instant. 

I am assuming through all this that you HAVE now come to terms with your preference and that you would be intending to openly date fat women, rather than hiding it like before? 

I wish you the very best of luck in what you decide.


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## AnnMarie (Jan 7, 2008)

I agree with Ruby on all points, and you're not the first man who prefers fat women to find himself in a relationship with a thin woman and wonder how it happened and what to do. 

The way your relationship is, it's not fair to either of you. She deserves to have a man who loves all of her, just as you should find someone that you can love inside and out - so I wish you luck in facing this issue, and not making the same mistake should you find yourself "on the market" again. 

Best of luck to you.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 7, 2008)

You can't force physical attraction. So, I'm telling you what you already know: It's time to move on. I hope you can leave with love, generating love or at least friendship in your conversations, leaving for the highest good.

I've been left and I've left, and while it hurts, I can tell you that all I have ever learned is that in a relationship, yourself and your partner should be your highest priority. Is she your highest priority in a relationship where you can't sexually enjoy her company? Are you your biggest priority if you're depriving yourself of a sexually meaningful relationship?


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## CrankySpice (Jan 7, 2008)

My feeling on the matter is this: the people we love but aren't physically attracted to are our friends. 

This is not to say that we can't be friends with people we are also attracted to physically....what I mean is that if there is no physical chemistry or spark, you shouldn't be lovers. 

It's that simple, really, although I understand that disentangling from a relationship that is physical despite a lack of attraction can be very tricky.

It is better for the both of you to end the relationship--as kindly as possible--and move on. She should be adored for ALL she is, not despite of her size, and you should be with someone you are attracted to on ALL levels.

Good luck.


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## ZainTheInsane (Jan 7, 2008)

I honestly am debating what you're debating myself, and I find myself wondering the same things. 

The difference obviously being that I've been going out with her for a lot less time likely, and have a great deal less invested.

However, I've also told her EVERYTHING insofar as my physical preferences and likes, yet she and I are still together. I honestly can't explain it, and I have a feeling that it is something I will have to deal with. In addition, I like more slender women as well...and my preference varies widely. However, she is less comfortable with her body than your own girlfriend seems to be, despite being of similar size. Maybe it is just my own perception, but I honestly find her incredibly attractive to me, more so then when we started dating. I'd love to explain how the hell it happened, but I'm effing clueless on that front.

I don't know what to tell you, as I myself have no idea what to do. And it continually seems like people give such clear-cut advice, when the situation is anything but clear-cut.


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## molligmag (Jan 7, 2008)

Jes said:


> when you break up with her, will you end up still not dating a fat woman because your friends give you a rough time?
> 
> if so, save everyone the trouble and stay with your girlfriend if she loves you, but let her find someone who craves her body to have sex with, on the side.
> 
> that's my suggestion.



Thank you for your advice.
The period I was talking about were my teenager years, I was 15 or 16.
I guess these are the ages you are pretty insecure and easily influenced by your friends. I am pretty sure I would date a fat girl when are relation ship was over....


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## molligmag (Jan 7, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> I hope you don't get too flamed either, though I fear you will. I admire your honesty and your bravery in posting here. I think you have to do what is right for you, you are still a young man, and you don't want to live your life unhappy because of this. It's not fair on her either. So many people on here talk about how if you "really" love a person, their appearance/body size/ shape/whatever won't matter, but I think that for the majority of people, that's just not true. Yes as you say you can love her for her, but if you are not physically and sexually attracted to her, then .. how can things get any better? I don't think you are being shallow or anything either, as I can see from your words that you love this woman, and I imagine if you could wave a magic wand to make yourself be sexually attracted to her, you would do it in an instant.
> 
> I am assuming through all this that you HAVE now come to terms with your preference and that you would be intending to openly date fat women, rather than hiding it like before?
> 
> I wish you the very best of luck in what you decide.



Thank you for your kind advice!
I agree with you about the physical part, it does matter to me.
In fact I am facing serious problems in our bedroom if I am not thinking about beautiful fat women.( am I actually typing this....)


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## molligmag (Jan 7, 2008)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> You can't force physical attraction. So, I'm telling you what you already know: It's time to move on. I hope you can leave with love, generating love or at least friendship in your conversations, leaving for the highest good.
> 
> I've been left and I've left, and while it hurts, I can tell you that all I have ever learned is that in a relationship, yourself and your partner should be your highest priority. Is she your highest priority in a relationship where you can't sexually enjoy her company? Are you your biggest priority if you're depriving yourself of a sexually meaningful relationship?



Thank you for the advice. I fully agree with you, it's only so damned difficult to take that last step. But this really helps.


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## molligmag (Jan 7, 2008)

CrankySpice said:


> My feeling on the matter is this: the people we love but aren't physically attracted to are our friends.
> 
> This is not to say that we can't be friends with people we are also attracted to physically....what I mean is that if there is no physical chemistry or spark, you shouldn't be lovers.
> 
> ...



Thank you for the advice.
She feels like the sister I never had. She is one of the guys, but not my lover.


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## UMBROBOYUM (Jan 7, 2008)

molligmag said:


> Hi friends,
> 
> I am a FA since I was 12. In my teenage years I have dated several +size girls, but as "friends" gave me a rough time more and more my girlfriends became thinner and thinner over the years.
> 
> ...



Be honest to her and yourself. It is a hard place to be in, but as it is if its truely how you feel then I wish you the best. Just don't go back to dating a thin women because of your _friends_. Be with who you want to be with on your terms, not theirs otherwise you'll end up where you are now. My advice is to tell her the truth and do it as _nicely_ as you can and as a soon as you can. 

Good luck man.


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## toni (Jan 7, 2008)

I think you should leave her now. If you wait, you will complicate the situation with marriage and children. Your sexual desires are bound to take over. You will cheat on her with a fat chick and it will be unfair for everyone involved. ESPECIALLY the fat chick.


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## Jes (Jan 7, 2008)

ooh. 'pretty sure' doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement to me. Good luck with that!


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## toni (Jan 7, 2008)

Jes said:


> ooh. 'pretty sure' doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement to me. Good luck with that!



Typical :doh:

It's a shame. It's so frustrating. 32 years old and can not date the women he wants in fear of what friends or family will think. Why don't some of these "FA's" grow a set?


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## Jes (Jan 7, 2008)

Well, I just wish him the best with it. It doesn't sound too positive right now, but I'm sure that can change. I hope it changes before he finds a fat woman to date, though. otherwise he'll be more than a schoft.


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 7, 2008)

toni said:


> I think you should leave her now. If you wait, you will complicate the situation with marriage and children. Your sexual desires are bound to take over. You will cheat on her with a fat chick and it will be unfair for everyone involved. ESPECIALLY the fat chick.



I'd be more inclined to think ESPECIALLY the woman that he's been involved with for many years.


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## toni (Jan 7, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I'd be more inclined to think ESPECIALLY the woman that he's been involved with for many years.



Well, you have that right. lol 

I tend to always feel more for the fat chick who gets used in the end. BTW, you would think if one really knew her man, she would notice that he was not sexually attracted to her(as the op stated). I don't think you can fake that type of sexual thing.


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 7, 2008)

toni said:


> Well, you have that right. lol
> 
> I tend to always feel more for the fat chick who gets used in the end. BTW, you would think if one really knew her man, she would notice that he was not sexually attracted to her(as the op stated). I don't think you can fake that type of sexual thing.



Well, you'd think that Senator Craig's wife would notice a quibbling little detail ... like, her husband is GAY ... but alas . Sometimes, people don't notice ... or rather, don't want to notice & do everything but literally bury their heads in the sand.


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## toni (Jan 7, 2008)

Yeah, I am with you on that. It's such a shame. :doh:


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## molligmag (Jan 7, 2008)

Jes said:


> ooh. 'pretty sure' doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement to me. Good luck with that!



I meant it cynically. But you can write down that I am 100% sure.
Sorry but English is not my mother tongue....


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## mrman1980uk (Jan 9, 2008)

This really is terribly, terribly sad. Have you ever seen "Brief Encounter"?


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## DoctorBreen (Jan 10, 2008)

Be honest with her. Either break up and find a girl you're actually physically attracted to, or subtley fatten her up a little?(just kidding) 

Seriously, if it deadens the relationship and you're not happy, do something.


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## Jes (Jan 10, 2008)

molligmag said:


> I meant it cynically. But you can write down that I am 100% sure.
> Sorry but English is not my mother tongue....



ja, dat weet ik.


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## molligmag (Jan 10, 2008)

Jes said:


> ja, dat weet ik.



nou dan ;-)


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 10, 2008)

mrman1980uk said:


> This really is terribly, terribly sad. Have you ever seen "Brief Encounter"?



Celia Johnson was skinny as heck!


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## franchescassbbw (Jan 12, 2008)

My advice, break it off now and get with a big girl who wants to be fattened up more.


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## molligmag (Jan 12, 2008)

franchescassbbw said:


> My advice, break it off now and get with a big girl who wants to be fattened up more.



are you applying?


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## franchescassbbw (Jan 13, 2008)

molligmag said:


> are you applying?


:eat2: Well, unfortunately, I'm married to a feeder. If circumstances were different I sure would though.


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## pinuplola (Jan 14, 2008)

you cannot have a full, healthy relationship with someone that you are not physically attracted to. period. by staying in this relationship you are cheating yourself and your girlfriend out of something that you both deserve, true love. 

you could remain friends with her, you obviously care for her. but do yourself and her a favor and tell her the truth. if you really cared about her as much as you say you do you would want for her to have a man to love her outside as much as her inside. 

good luck with everything, changing your life can be hard but so worth it in the long run


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## molligmag (Jan 15, 2008)

pinuplola said:


> good luck with everything, changing your life can be hard but so worth it in the long run



thank you for your advice!
Exactly that is really the hard part.
Telling you parents, her parents and friends, everybody loves her, so no one will understand..

But on the other hand, every day I dream about how life would be with a beautiful fat girl. And I know this is what I truly want. I will never be happy if I can't realize that. Otherwise I will turn into a grumpy old man, nagging about the things I didn't realize in life.


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## LisaInNC (Jan 15, 2008)

Ok I have to say this. Why do people act like telling your family and friends you like a fat person is the same as telling them you are gay. I mean do guys go home and say, "Mom, Dad....I am dating a thin chick." No of course they dont. I think people make it more of an issue than it really is. Just fecking do it and stop waiting on people to tell you why you shouldnt. 
Also, I cant stand it when a guy comes up to me and says " I like bigger women". Drives me apeshit. Id rather them approach me in the same manner as they would any other woman. "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"
Sorry, early morning rant.


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## molligmag (Jan 15, 2008)

LisaInNC said:


> Ok I have to say this. Why do people act like telling your family and friends you like a fat person is the same as telling them you are gay. I mean do guys go home and say, "Mom, Dad....I am dating a thin chick." No of course they dont. I think people make it more of an issue than it really is. Just fecking do it and stop waiting on people to tell you why you shouldnt.
> Also, I cant stand it when a guy comes up to me and says " I like bigger women". Drives me apeshit. Id rather them approach me in the same manner as they would any other woman. "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"
> Sorry, early morning rant.



Hi, appearantly you misunderstood me.
I want to end my relationship with my current girlfriend.
That fact alone is difficult for me.
I don't have to come out of the closet, they already know I have a preference for +size women.


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## LisaInNC (Jan 15, 2008)

molligmag said:


> Hi, appearantly you misunderstood me.
> I want to end my relationship with my current girlfriend.
> That fact alone is difficult for me.
> I don't have to come out of the closet, they already know I have a preference for +size women.



lol sorry!! That wasnt really for you. Someone had mentioned "coming out" to their family. 
As for you, you are not alone in this. I cant tell you how often I see men marry thin women because thats what their families and friends expect them to do and they lead miserable lives. I hope you have the balls to do the right thing by your current girlfriend. She definitely deserves someone who loves every aspect of her. So how about we turn this into what SHE deserves and it will make things a lot easier for you. I personally would not want a guy who did not find me smoking hot. It sucks to be settled on.


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## Jes (Jan 15, 2008)

molligmag said:


> thank you for your advice!
> Exactly that is really the hard part.
> Telling you parents, her parents and friends, everybody loves her, so no one will understand..
> 
> But on the other hand, every day I dream about how life would be with a beautiful fat girl. And I know this is what I truly want. I will never be happy if I can't realize that. Otherwise I will turn into a grumpy old man, nagging about the things I didn't realize in life.



then you're still picking what YOU are comfortable with over what's fair to her. How is that a kind thing? How is that mature? You're still letting what you think other people will say or do to you decide your curent/future behavior. How old are you going to have to be before you stop doing that? Will you ever stop doing that? If not, then don't use up our time in asking advice you'll never put into practice. It gets old.

ps: let me add this. You just said you want to end the relationship with your GF. What do you want us to do about it? Do you want me to call her? Fine, I'll call her. I'll tell her you don't have the hots for her, and want to find someone else that you do have the hots for. What's the phone number? Email it to me. C'mon, let's go.


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 15, 2008)

Jes said:


> then you're still picking what YOU are comfortable with over what's fair to her. How is that a kind thing? How is that mature? You're still letting what you think other people will say or do to you decide your curent/future behavior. How old are you going to have to be before you stop doing that? Will you ever stop doing that? If not, then don't use up our time in asking advice you'll never put into practice. It gets old.
> 
> ps: let me add this. You just said you want to end the relationship with your GF. What do you want us to do about it? Do you want me to call her? Fine, I'll call her. I'll tell her you don't have the hots for her, and want to find someone else that you do have the hots for. What's the phone number? Email it to me. C'mon, let's go.



The man is respectfully responding to the people who have taken an interest and posted here.


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 15, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> The man is respectfully responding to the people who have taken an interest and posted here.



The man in question is 32 years old, and admits to being with someone that he isn't physically attracted to because he lacks the courage to end it and move on. He's not only denying himself ... he's holding onto someone that he doesn't love (at least, not in a way that she wants to be loved). He's looking for advise on an internet message board. Perhaps he's too busy composing coy, flirty lines to other women to make any life changes. Who knows? The bottom line, though, is that his actions are quite transparently self-serving. Personally, I think he needs the kind of honesty that Jes shared with him.


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## molligmag (Jan 15, 2008)

Jes said:


> then you're still picking what YOU are comfortable with over what's fair to her. How is that a kind thing? How is that mature? You're still letting what you think other people will say or do to you decide your curent/future behavior. How old are you going to have to be before you stop doing that? Will you ever stop doing that? If not, then don't use up our time in asking advice you'll never put into practice. It gets old.
> 
> ps: let me add this. You just said you want to end the relationship with your GF. What do you want us to do about it? Do you want me to call her? Fine, I'll call her. I'll tell her you don't have the hots for her, and want to find someone else that you do have the hots for. What's the phone number? Email it to me. C'mon, let's go.



It seems that somebody has too much time off here....


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## MissStacie (Jan 15, 2008)

Hi there..

What I can tell you is that when/if you do tell your current GF that you need to end the relationship, its gonna hurt like hell. BUT, I can see you waffling on it long enough where you'll get married, probably have a child or two and have it hit you one day in 10 years that you've finally had enough.

Jes is right...you need to tell her NOW while you both can still get out and move on and find the love that you BOTH deserve. It sucks out loud to be in a relationship and not WANT the person you're with. I've been there, done that. I've been the wanter, and I've likely been the wanted, and I'm sure it sucks on either side. Don't drag this out until you're backed into a corner and you become a more permanent and LEGAL partner with her.

You deserve better, and she does more than you. After all, she's been with you for 8 years and you've not wanted her. How sucky is that??? If she doesn't have an esteem issue before now, she will when she finds out that she's not aroused you in years.

Good luck to you...

Stacie


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## David Bowie (Jan 15, 2008)

hey man we have sets toni


at least i know fersure that i do


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## franchescassbbw (Jan 15, 2008)

molligmag, if you don't mind me saying so, you are hawt! I'm sure there are plenty of big women out there who would love to be with you. If I wasn't married I would! 

I think just about everyone on here has given you the advice to break it off with this woman and get a + size woman. One you are truly attracted to.

This woman does not deserve to not be loved. It isn't fair to her and isn't fair to you.

My advice, do the right thing.


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## Jes (Jan 16, 2008)

molligmag said:


> It seems that somebody has too much time off here....



no--i have enough time to call your gf if you want! offer is still on the table!]

and stacie, i think you make a really good point. being with someone who doesn't find you attractive can be so very damaging. and while i think we always think we're hiding that from a partner, we're not. that disinterest, or dislike, can turn to resentment and that's noticeable. I think a lot of people who don't want to be honest and be the 'bad guy,' make themselves so unlikeable (intentionally or untinentionally) that the other person breaks it off, but not without a lot of heartbreak, anger and disappointment, first. Why put someone through that when he or she hasn't done a thing to deserve it. It's not her fault that she doesn't weigh a bajilliondy pounds. I still say: if you don't want to break it off with her b/c your friends and family won't understand, what does that say about you, OP?


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## molligmag (Jan 16, 2008)

Jes said:


> no--i have enough time to call your gf if you want! offer is still on the table!]
> 
> and stacie, i think you make a really good point. being with someone who doesn't find you attractive can be so very damaging. and while i think we always think we're hiding that from a partner, we're not. that disinterest, or dislike, can turn to resentment and that's noticeable. I think a lot of people who don't want to be honest and be the 'bad guy,' make themselves so unlikeable (intentionally or untinentionally) that the other person breaks it off, but not without a lot of heartbreak, anger and disappointment, first. Why put someone through that when he or she hasn't done a thing to deserve it. It's not her fault that she doesn't weigh a bajilliondy pounds. I still say: if you don't want to break it off with her b/c your friends and family won't understand, what does that say about you, OP?



don't wind off your personal problems from the past on me.
You are making a fool out of yourself here.
Read back and see how your react on me, very unrespectful.
Do you watn to make it a personal vendetta against me.....


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## porkchop (Jan 17, 2008)

Still not sure? I think you know what to do....


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## Jes (Jan 17, 2008)

molligmag said:


> don't wind off your personal problems from the past on me.
> You are making a fool out of yourself here.
> Read back and see how your react on me, very unrespectful.
> Do you watn to make it a personal vendetta against me.....



look, i've made a fool out of myself here plenty. i have no problem with that. it's par for the course. and i can't say i respect your actions, which is where the frustration is coming from on my part. i think when you go to the internet for opinions, you'll get opinions. you certainly got mine! i'm not sure why you'd come here to ask what you should do in your own relationship. why not talk to your gf? why not decide what you want, and then talk to her? there's no way that's going to be an easy or pleasant talk. you know that, we know that. she's the only one who doesn't know it--but she will! what did you hope to gain by asking us what you should do? do you just want to feel better about breaking things off? i can understand that. do you want us to tell you you should break it off, that her temporary pain is less important than your ultimate happiness with a more sexually desireable partner? do you want us to tell you that you should just stay with someone you love even though you don't want to bone her? do you want us to agree with you? disagree with you? feel sorry for your plight? your subject line is asking for advice--and i'm confused as to what you hope to gain by asking us what you should do. or feel. or say. or want. Which is it? Like pork said, we all know what you want. Are you wanting us to make you feel better about going for it?? What is our role, here, to your mind?


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 17, 2008)

Jes said:


> look, i've made a fool out of myself here plenty. i have no problem with that. it's par for the course. and i can't say i respect your actions, which is where the frustration is coming from on my part. i think when you go to the internet for opinions, you'll get opinions. you certainly got mine! i'm not sure why you'd come here to ask what you should do in your own relationship. why not talk to your gf? why not decide what you want, and then talk to her? there's no way that's going to be an easy or pleasant talk. you know that, we know that. she's the only one who doesn't know it--but she will! what did you hope to gain by asking us what you should do? do you just want to feel better about breaking things off? i can understand that. do you want us to tell you you should break it off, that her temporary pain is less important than your ultimate happiness with a more sexually desireable partner? do you want us to tell you that you should just stay with someone you love even though you don't want to bone her? do you want us to agree with you? disagree with you? feel sorry for your plight? your subject line is asking for advice--and i'm confused as to what you hope to gain by asking us what you should do. or feel. or say. or want. Which is it? Like pork said, we all know what you want. Are you wanting us to make you feel better about going for it?? What is our role, here, to your mind?



Possibly he's looking for a fresh perspective, someone not as emotionaly connected or immersed in the situation who can offer their insight or personal experiences. Unlike many of the people who do this from time to time he takes the time to come back here and respond to the people who've posted. His decision is apparently made according to what he has said here already. I suppose he'll do what he does when he feels the time is right, no sooner and no later. The thread could continue on as people continue to post to it.


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## Jes (Jan 17, 2008)

mark, another thought: why not post an ad to a local dutch site looking for just a sexdate? do you think your gf would be into the idea of an open relationship sexually? you know, you could find a pearshaped woman that you enjoyed for sex, local to you, and then still have your love relationship intact, and your thin gf could have the same with a man she finds sexually appealing. holland is liberal--a sexdate could make everyone happy!


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## Russ2d (Jan 17, 2008)

> I know it would be better to break up with her and to pursue my own happiness and let her find the right man for her



You've answered your own question

If she is not going to be a BBW and you are "very unhappy" than you are not physically compatible. Nothing to be ashamed of, and there is nothing wrong with being friends with someone you don't find desirable but like very much.


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## molligmag (Jan 17, 2008)

Jes said:


> mark, another thought: why not post an ad to a local dutch site looking for just a sexdate? do you think your gf would be into the idea of an open relationship sexually? you know, you could find a pearshaped woman that you enjoyed for sex, local to you, and then still have your love relationship intact, and your thin gf could have the same with a man she finds sexually appealing. holland is liberal--a sexdate could make everyone happy!



I asked here that, she doesn't want that.
Which I can fully understand, because she is not a sharing person in this way.
I respect that fully.

In my first posting I said;
"Is the physical and sexual part more important than the emotional and caring part?" 
This is where I wanted your opinion about, because I can't make the decision.


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## MissStacie (Jan 17, 2008)

We're against making both you and your girlfriend miserable...here is your question:

*In my first posting I said;
"Is the physical and sexual part more important than the emotional and caring part?" 
This is where I wanted your opinion about, because I can't make the decision*.

No, the physical and sexual part is not MORE important than the emotional/caring part, its JUST AS important. Both physical and emotional go hand in hand in a loving, mature, stable, FULFILLING relationship. In order for a relationship to be good, you've got to have both of those things that are good for BOTH parties, or its just not gonna work. Imagine if SHE told YOU that she'd not wanted you, not been attracted to you for some time but stayed because she LOVED you? You'd feel awful. I know how this feels to be YOU, I've been in a relationship where you wanted the person at first and then things change and you find yourself not wanting them at all. You love them and care for them, but the "zing" is just not there. Where did it get me? Divorced, thats what. I realize now how much time I lost without that tug in the pit of my belly, without the urge to touch my partner for no good reason other than to just FEEL them. Its great to be LOVED, but wow..to be WANTED is exquisite!

As humans, sexual need is a base feeling. We all have it and its ingrained in us as sexual beings to have the arousal feelings. Don't you want to have that with a woman again? At least, the one that you love? Don't you want HER to have that from a man? You're doing her a HUGE disservice staying when you don't feel it.

Please, for not only her sake, but for yours....make a decision and start making a truthful admission to her that its not working and things need to change.

Oh..and Jes wasn't attacking you, she's merely being honest and ballsy..thats why we wuv her so much!

Best of luck,
Stacie


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## molligmag (Jan 18, 2008)

Hello Stacie,

thank you for your wise words.
Yes you are absolutely 100% right.
It feels I am wasting my time and hers.
She deserves somebody wanting her, which I can't give her.
But it so damned difficult. I love her so much, when I look at her and think about how I should tell her that I am going to leave her, I start crying. 

But I have to do what's best for both of us.
End this relationship.

Thank you for all your kind words and advice!
Mark


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## MissStacie (Jan 18, 2008)

And I wish you luck. Its not gonna be easy, and you'll cry like baby and so will she. But if she says she's shocked, she'll be lying to herself and to you. Or, maybe you're a good actor and she really has no clue. Either way, be strong and don't waiver, you'll live and so will she. Hopefully with someone that both of you will both love AND lust for!

Hugs,


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## speakeasy (Jan 19, 2008)

Sometimes I come to a thread like this, and I read what the OP says, and I come up with a question, but then as I read each reply, it gets more and more bizarre and uncomfortable, like Dante marching through the circles of Hell, and by the time I get to the frozen lake at the end I'm like, "I forgot why I came here. Time to bail." 

*bails*


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## Gordo Mejor (Jan 20, 2008)

Consider this advice from a BBW I respect.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt.

"You must do the things you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt.


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## Waxwing (Jan 20, 2008)

molligmag said:


> Hello Stacie,
> 
> thank you for your wise words.
> Yes you are absolutely 100% right.
> ...



Well, I'm glad that you came to the right decision, though I must admit a certain degree of distaste for...oh it doesn't matter.

Yes, you have to break up with her. She deserves someone who will love every part of her, and you can't do that. And you deserve to be in a relationship which fulfills everything you want. We all do.

But you also need to give her a shitload of apology about this. The relationship was begun under false pretenses (you knew you weren't attracted to her), and has essentially been a lie the entire time. She's your friend, she's not your lover. So you have to fall all over yourself letting her know that this is not her fault. It's going to hurt her, of course, but can maybe be eased if she knows that.


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## SoVerySoft (Jan 20, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> ...But you also need to give her a shitload of apology about this. The relationship was begun under false pretenses (you knew you weren't attracted to her), and has essentially been a lie the entire time. She's your friend, she's not your lover. So you have to fall all over yourself letting her know that this is not her fault. It's going to hurt her, of course, but can maybe be eased if she knows that.



Waxy, I think we often get into relationships for the wrong reason. I know I have. Somehow we think that what's wrong will go away, or magically become less important. Often our hearts are in the right place, but it turns out we've made a mistake.

I think that's what happened here. He isn't the devil.


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## molligmag (Mar 3, 2008)

Well the book is reaching it's final chapter.
Last thursday I told my girlfriend I wanted to leave her because of the fact I love BBW's and that my life never will be complete without a beautiful +size woman by my side. (ofcourse there were several discussions before this talk, in which I expressed my concerns about our relation) I told her personal and I wrote her a letter to explain it a bit more thourough. And I emphasised the fact that she deserves a man who is 100% there for her.

She went over the moon!! She thinks that I have some kind of disease that needs to be cured. To her opinion our relation should be stronger than the fact I love BBW's so much. Now she want to see a therapist with me to see how this can this be cured. Should I go to the therapist with her to save my relation? Is she right about that our relation should be stronger that the fact I long to be with a bbw? I think not, but I hate to seperate like this and let her think that I some kinda freak and end our relation in a fight...
It's hard...any advice??


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## TraciJo67 (Mar 3, 2008)

molligmag said:


> Well the book is reaching it's final chapter.
> Last thursday I told my girlfriend I wanted to leave her because of the fact I love BBW's and that my life never will be complete without a beautiful +size woman by my side. (ofcourse there were several discussions before this talk, in which I expressed my concerns about our relation) I told her personal and I wrote her a letter to explain it a bit more thourough. And I emphasised the fact that she deserves a man who is 100% there for her.
> 
> She went over the moon!! She thinks that I have some kind of disease that needs to be cured. To her opinion our relation should be stronger than the fact I love BBW's so much. Now she want to see a therapist with me to see how this can this be cured. Should I go to the therapist with her to save my relation? Is she right about that our relation should be stronger that the fact I long to be with a bbw? I think not, but I hate to seperate like this and let her think that I some kinda freak and end our relation in a fight...
> It's hard...any advice??



I think that you should see a therapist *and* ditch your girlfriend. 

A therapist might be able to guide you in learning how to assert yourself appropriately (and without needlessly hurting the people that you care about). 

Breaking up with your girlfriend will be doing her a favor, in the long run. She may not see it now. But she's clinging to someone who doesn't value her for who and what she is. That's damaging her psyche in ways that she probably doesn't even realize, while she's focusing so hard on "saving" you and the relationship.


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## molligmag (Mar 5, 2008)

Any thoughts about the latest chapter?
Would appreciate it!!


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 5, 2008)

molligmag said:


> Any thoughts about the latest chapter?
> Would appreciate it!!



Forget about the therapist. It is a waste of time and money for both of you and I dont see any good coming of it. The only thing worse than being broken hearted is broke and broken hearted. The ties need to be severed moll. No friendship lunches and back patting, you both need time to fully heal and you do her no favors by hanging around trying to help her understand. She wont. I know you care and it's difficult to do all this but just close the door and go.


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## olwen (Mar 5, 2008)

I have this friend I've known for eight years who has said to me numerous times how much he likes "chubby" girls, yet continues to date waifs. His last girlfriend was perhaps a size 10 with B cup boobs and he broke up with her because besides being boring (not that thinner women are all boring), he thought she was too skinny. So here I had hope that he was coming to terms with his preference for chubby girls. Last week he told me about the new girl he's dating who happens to be more like a size 6. My heart sank. He's 27 years old and still can't seem to act on his feelings. I know him, so I know that after a few months he will begin the she's-too-skinny-dance and then he'll ask me if he should break up with her.

I'm glad you have decided to not be like him.


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## spaz-fa (Mar 5, 2008)

olwen said:


> I have this friend I've known for eight years who has said to me numerous times how much he likes "chubby" girls, yet continues to date waifs. His last girlfriend was perhaps a size 10 with B cup boobs and he broke up with her because besides being boring (not that thinner women are all boring), he thought she was too skinny. So here I had hope that he was coming to terms with his preference for chubby girls. Last week he told me about the new girl he's dating who happens to be more like a size 6. My heart sank. He's 27 years old and still can't seem to act on his feelings. I know him, so I know that after a few months he will begin the she's-too-skinny-dance and then he'll ask me if he should break up with her.
> 
> I'm glad you have decided to not be like him.



This is what I find the most frustrating/hardest thing about size acceptance and being an FA either you're with a bigger person and skinny people are upset or you're with a skinny person and a bigger person is upset...  just stating my opinion and letting off some steam this isn't directed at anyone


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 5, 2008)

spaz-fa said:


> This is what I find the most frustrating/hardest thing about size acceptance and being an FA either you're with a bigger person and skinny people are upset or you're with a skinny person and a bigger person is upset...  just stating my opinion and letting off some steam this isn't directed at anyone



I'm pretty sure you know that fat and thin are not the issue here. On closer inspection you will notice that there is much pain inflicted and many casualties at the hands of people who can't seem to figure themselves out. This is what is troubling. If you fell madly in love with a woman who dumped you after three years when she finally felt free to admit she's really a lesbian you'd be davastated and feel betrayed. If she did this to many men never actually admitting that she prefers women this would be annoying to say the least. Nothing is wrong with her loving men or women but experimenting when people's feelings are at stake is pretty awful. A foolish mistake you've made is understandable but over and over? No.


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## Chimpi (Mar 6, 2008)

molligmag said:


> She went over the moon!! She thinks that I have some kind of disease that needs to be cured. To her opinion our relation should be stronger than the fact I love BBW's so much. Now she want to see a therapist with me to see how this can this be cured. Should I go to the therapist with her to save my relation? Is she right about that our relation should be stronger that the fact I long to be with a bbw? I think not, but I hate to seperate like this and let her think that I some kinda freak and end our relation in a fight...
> It's hard...any advice??



Well, you touched base on the fact that she believes that being a "Fat Admirer" is just a phase, rather than a part of who you are. I do not think she is entirely listening to you when you tell her that you like big women. Unless you're not telling her, or beating around the bush some how. But it is of my opinion that she feels that it is not normal to be a "Fat Admirer", and it is important for you to be rid of that agony. And better for her, because she will be able to find a man who will love her 140 pound body.

No, you should not invest your time or money into seeing a therapist. Being a "Fat Admirer" is _not_ something you can, or should cure. It is who you are, it is a part of you. Have you fully accepted that? Are you positive that you're comfortable with who you are? If you were accepting of yourself as you are, you would be able to see that therapy will not cure your relationship.

She's openly saying that "love is more important than sexual desire". Where in a lot of senses that is very true, having a sexual relationship is also very important. Go back and reread MissStacie's post. Read it 5 times over, every day, if you need to. It is important for you to understand that you are not fully investing your sexual soul to her, and it is important for you to understand that you should be able to do that for your partner.

If your relationship ends and she feels that you are a "freak", then that is her issue that she will keep with her. She obviously does not see it as an issue; she sees you being some sort of weird sexual creature that shouldn't have the impulses that you do indeed have. I think it's the best for both of you to let it go. Wise up man, you can do it. If you honestly loved her that much, you'd have the ability to let her go and allow some one else to fulfill every desire she has. Same for you.
Sure, it's hard. Life is hard. You'll have more troubles in future investments. It's part of the "game", so to speak.

/ My opinions and views.


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## topoftherange (Mar 6, 2008)

I can't comment for the OP, but I can say for myself that my sexual desire
is not nearly as intense after a few years of being with the same person as it
was initially.

This has been the pattern in 3 long-term relationships that I've had and all my
partners have been BBWs/SSBBWs.

I have also found that while the physical aspect of the relationship has
dwindled, the mental aspect has improved immensely.

This is a dilemma for me because the more you care for someone mentally
that you're having a relationship with, the harder it is to acknowledge that
the physical aspect isn't working well any more, and I'm always trying to 
convince myself that things will improve although this doesn't seem to be the
case.

I can't help feeling that some of the other replies to this thread seem to
be over-simplifications.

As people get older, their libidos diminish as well, yet they stay together
in apparently happy relationships.

Perhaps the mental side of things is more important than the physical side,
especially in the long-term.


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## SoVerySoft (Mar 6, 2008)

topoftherange said:


> I can't comment for the OP, but I can say for myself that my sexual desire
> is not nearly as intense after a few years of being with the same person as it
> was initially.
> 
> ...



This is a really excellent post, and a perspective that is usually not brought up in these (very common) threads. 

You should post more often!


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## love dubh (Mar 6, 2008)

topoftherange said:


> I can't comment for the OP, but I can say for myself that my sexual desire
> is not nearly as intense after a few years of being with the same person as it
> was initially.
> 
> ...




All well and good, but it's non-topical. This isn't the natural decline of sexuality/libido in long-term relationships with a partner whose body type you have a preference for. This is an issue between a man with FA tendencies and his thin girlfriend. Not "thin" like some posters think 250lbs is thin, but actually thin - like a size 8. Therefore, it's not a natural decline in sexual desire but a lack of desire to begin with. They clicked mentally and all, but the zinger in his thinger wasn't there. It is only fair for him to break up this relationship, seek some therapy to get a backbone, and let himself and his ex enjoy life with partners for whom they have a preference, and who prefers them.


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## topoftherange (Mar 7, 2008)

Thank you SVS, a compliment from you is highly valued by me. 

love dubh, you could well be correct about my answer being off-topic,
which is why I stated that I couldn't speak for the OP.

However the fact that the relationship in question had lasted 8 years did
make me wonder whether there was also an element of "loss of intensity"
due to time.

I also do not recall the OP complaining about a lack of desire during the
initial stages.

I think my main point was that I don't always consider it to be a clear-cut
case of splitting-up in a relationship when the sparks aren't flying anymore.

I think that 80% of marriages wouldn't last, if everybody did that.

One needs to weigh up (if you pardon the pun), all the factors in the relationship
and most important of all, if you think you'd be happier together or happier apart.

This will differ from one couple to another.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 7, 2008)

topoftherange said:


> Thank you SVS, a compliment from you is highly valued by me.
> 
> love dubh, you could well be correct about my answer being off-topic,
> which is why I stated that I couldn't speak for the OP.
> ...



There is an atmospheric element to this story that makes it slightly unique though. This guy hails from the Netherlands where fat girls, even chubby girls are in short supply if they exist at all in his region. The choices may not have been readily apparent so he could either be unfulfilled in this relationship or unfulfilled in another. The pretense was there from the beginning simply because that is what his expectations were. Of course I'm guessing. Far be it from me to put words in the mouth of the OP but possibly the elements of time as you've described made it much more difficult to keep up the facade. I'm also theorizing that this environment at Dimensions was helpful in bolstering his resolve to make the decision that he knew in his heart was the right one when everything around him is completely hostile towards him going forward. It is hard to swim against a current when it is all you know. He comes here to this place and sees that an alternative can and does exist and he becomes subconciously aware that he is potentially robbing himself and his mate of the truly fulfilling life that they both deserve. 

I'm curious though on what he plans to do with his life now.


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## molligmag (Mar 7, 2008)

Thank you all for your contributions! 

(/quote; Perhaps the mental side of things is more important than the physical side, especially in the long-term/unquote)

This is exactly what my girlfriends throws me at my feet. She says; "come on our relationship is more than just the shape of my body." She feels it like an insult and says it makes our 8 year relation ship a total lie. I know in my heart she is partly right. But I am also surpressing the feeling now for eight years that I want to share my life with a beautiful fat woman. 

Current situation is that I called a therapist to talk about this.
In Holland you have wait lists to see a therapist, so we cannot go earlier than end of April. I am now staying at a friend for the time being. We didn't speak the final words, but in my heart I know it's over. I even feel a bit releaved to be honest.

To be continued.....


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## liz (di-va) (Mar 8, 2008)

good luck, mollig. 

There's a post in another thread that reminded me of your situation.


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## velia (Mar 8, 2008)

MissStacie said:


> Hi there..
> 
> 
> You deserve better, and she does more than you. After all, she's been with you for 8 years and you've not wanted her. How sucky is that??? If she doesn't have an esteem issue before now, she will when she finds out that she's not aroused you in years.
> ...



That's the gospel truth. I have compassion for people who, part of the way through a relationship, discover that they're an FA. Its a completely different story to know that someone you're dating is not remotely appealing to you, and to stay in that relationship for YEARS. Its a wonder to me that people so often fail to consider the affect their choice to stay in a relationship like this has on their "significant" other. 

Ending such a relationship might be difficult, but it is, quite simply, cruelty to let it continue. Even if it hurts you, at least have the decency to release her from this relationship. She'll likely already be blindsided, best to end it now, before anything more complicated happens.


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## love dubh (Mar 8, 2008)

Nevermind.


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## Fascinita (Mar 10, 2008)

molligmag said:


> Thank you all for your contributions!
> 
> (/quote; Perhaps the mental side of things is more important than the physical side, especially in the long-term/unquote)
> 
> ...



Hey I think I saw your ad at another site, seeking rubenesque women for dating. Sounds like you're following your heat. (I suppose it could be anothr molligmag!) But aren't you still trying to wok it out with your girlfriend? Or is your "heart" telling you "it's over" for good now (as you say above)??? Just curious, since I've been following this "thread" awhile.


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## molligmag (Mar 10, 2008)

Hey there!
The last breaking news....
Yesterday we both spoke out the magic words; we broke up.
We both agree it will be better for each one in the long run.
It hurts still a lot though and I know for sure I will love her for ever.
Now I hope to find some peace in my mind and hope to meet lots of interesting women in the BBW world.


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## olwen (Mar 10, 2008)

Good on ya mate.


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## Fascinita (Mar 11, 2008)

molligmag said:


> Hey there!
> The last breaking news....
> Yesterday we both spoke out the magic words; we broke up.
> We both agree it will be better for each one in the long run.
> ...



Oh, dear. But if you're in love with your ex, will you ever be able to love one (or more) of the BBWs you meet? Or maybe you're just looking to have fun with BBWs for now, until you're ready for another commited relationship. I'm sure you'll work it out.

Thanks for sharing.

Give my best wishes to your ex GF!


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## amber83 (Mar 12, 2008)

Ah wow...tough to do the actual break-up. Veel gluck...you are handsome and will have no problem.


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## molligmag (Mar 13, 2008)

amber83 said:


> Ah wow...tough to do the actual break-up. Veel gluck...you are handsome and will have no problem.




Veel geluk ja!
Thank you for the compliment.
Now I want some mind peace and after a while I hope to meet a beautiful girl like you!
X


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## amber83 (Mar 13, 2008)

Funny you say that. I'm headed to your country in 2 months!


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