# Frustrated... gals has this happened to you?



## DreamyInToronto (Jan 24, 2010)

I am on a BBW internet dating site. I am finding more and more that the men on there are not really into BBWs... they say they are... but they aren't. I am open and honest about my height and weight and I put that on my profile, I also have recent pictures up. I had been emailing on the site back and forth with this guy, he seemed so nice. Tonight we went for coffee and it was going well until he asked me what I was doing to try and lose weight. I told him I wasn't trying to lose weight but I wasn't trying to gain either. And his response was "_it's a shame, you have such a pretty face, and you're "nice enough", but you'd be so much prettier at a "better" weight_". I asked him why he was on the site then, there were plenty of sites out there geared to the general non-bbw population, and his response (after him telling me not to get defensive) was "It's just because I don't want to date any anorexics..."

Grrrr... so I tell him thanks for the coffee, obviously I am not what he is looking for and I start getting up to leave. His response was something like "don't be so touchy, I'd totally date you if you lost some weight, your boobs are really nice..." I just grabbed my coat from the back of my chair and left.

Gals, has this ever happened to you? This happened to me before in my 20s. My cousin introduced me to a guy who she claimed liked BBWs. She was going to University with this guy. Anyway, after months of dating we were intimate and whilst laying together one night he poked my stomach and said "you've gotta work on that".... when I said "I thought you liked chubbies" he said something along the lines of "flat tummies are better". GRRRR!!!!!

It's bad enough that we live in a skinny obsessed world but when you actually try to seek out so-called FAs/BBW lovers and they turn out not to be.... GRRRR!!! I am so angry!!!! :sad: :really sad: :goodbye:


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## Fish (Jan 24, 2010)

And once again my gender does stuff that makes me want to hide in a cave.


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 24, 2010)

gawd...that is just the worst! what a total putz.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 24, 2010)

I am so so so sorry that happened to you, Dreamy. People can be such dickheads sometimes. Seriously. 

But I am also SO glad that you valued yourself enough not to let yourself be treated that way. Good for you for getting up and leaving that jerk! He so didn't deserve you. That is awesome that you stood your ground and didn't let him bully you or steal your self-worth. Men that want to make you feel bad about your body are just control freaks that want to make you hate yourself so you're easy to manipulate. And that is inspiring and great that you didn't take that crap from him.

To answer your question, it hasn't happened to me in person, but I think it's because for me if it's going to happen it happens online. I make extra sure the guy is fine with me being a big girl before I meet him. If there's any indication that he's not going to be, I won't meet him. I'm scared of something like that happening at some point, tho. 

Anyway, I'm really sorry that happened to you. You are worth being treated well, and I hope you find someone who will do that! (((HUGS)))


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## Cors (Jan 24, 2010)

Yikes I am so sorry it happened to you! What is worse is that creeps like that probably don't see anything wrong with their behavior and might even be patting themselves on the back for encouraging you to lose weight, grrrrr. 

Many guys claim that they like big/fat/curvy/chubby/etc girls when they are really talking about Hollywood plump at best, or simply referring to big boobs, a sizeable rear and an implied flat tummy. You did put your height, weight and recent pictures in your profile though, so it is not like he didn't know how you look! 

Adding on to what Mcbeth said, kudos to you for standing up for yourself and I hope you meet someone who appreciates you the way you are!


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## Shosh (Jan 24, 2010)

That man sounds like no kind of gentleman. Thank goodness you dodged that bullet.

I am sorry that you had to endue that man's total lack of manners and class.

Keep at it. There are good guys out there.


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## bigjayne66 (Jan 24, 2010)

I have a friend who is a total FA,he would not give any woman he dated this bullshit,the BBWs who love themselves don't want it,the BBWs who don't love themselves don't NEED it.
He is a good looking 300 pound 6 foot BHM,alas I am twice his age and he lives in the states 
Its the nice guys who don't always get the dates and actually deserve them....anyone agree?


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## Jay West Coast (Jan 24, 2010)

Assholes come in all colours. 

If he knows what you look like and still goes out on a date only to say that he doesn't like the way you look, he's got other issues.

Sorry he wasted so much of your time; glad you didn't let him waste any more of it. It's a wide world, you have the right idea to move on.


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## jewels_mystery (Jan 24, 2010)

I am so sorry you had to experience that. On a positive note, I am glad you got up and left. Obviously we know why he is still single.


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## goofy girl (Jan 24, 2010)

It has happened to me!! I finally stopped doing the online thing when I wasn't getting any real dates and just guys that wanted to "come over and watch a DVD and hang out" - it only took me about 4 years to realize that's "I just want to f*ck you and leave" in asshole language. I'm a slow learner.

I stopped all that when I was corresponding with one guy. I refused to invite him over and was suggesting places to meet and he said "Do you really think guys like fat chicks? You really wonder why guys don't want to meet you in public? Look in the mirror" So.....yeah...that was the end of online dating for me.

I had another guy do something similar once, we had met in a bar and dated for about a month and he told me that I was crazy not to lose weight because if I did I'd already have a ring on my finger. This was in the middle of a make out session. I complimented him on his extreme whiskey dick and left.

There was another one I dated that I had met when he delivered pizza to me at work. He seemed soooo sweet and after we started dating, when my friends at work and i would order we would bring us desserts that we didn't order and stuff like that. Then one day he told me I should have WLS. 

Turns out he had been in prison for killing someone, so no loss there. But he was still an asshole for it. He was also dating my friends sister who was overweight and he did convince her to have the surgery, then a boob job, then a nose job and dye her hair and wear different clothes than she liked...


Anyway..it happens way too often and I understand your feelings.

Hang in there. You'll find a nice guy


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## fatcow3h (Jan 24, 2010)

internet dating in general sux i think. not just bbw sites but all of them seem pretty lame. i guess some people have success on them but thats probably a low number.


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## jewels_mystery (Jan 24, 2010)

I am thinking about giving up on the bbw sites also. I tend to meet guys that only want to hang out and have sex. It clearly states in my profiles that I am not looking for a friend with benefits. What happened with taking a lady out??? Did I miss that memo?


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## joswitch (Jan 24, 2010)

goofy girl said:


> It has happened to me!! I finally stopped doing the online thing when I wasn't getting any real dates and just guys that wanted to "come over and watch a DVD and hang out" - it only took me about 4 years to realize that's "I just want to f*ck you and leave" in asshole language. I'm a slow learner.
> 
> I stopped all that when I was corresponding with one guy. I refused to invite him over and was suggesting places to meet and he said "Do you really think guys like fat chicks? You really wonder why guys don't want to meet you in public? Look in the mirror" So.....yeah...that was the end of online dating for me.
> 
> ...



 Whenever I'm thinking that I'm a terrible person for whatever reason... the competition serves to remind me that I am by comparison, a fucking diamond...


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## joswitch (Jan 24, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> I am on a BBW internet dating site. I am finding more and more that the men on there are not really into BBWs... they say they are... but they aren't. I am open and honest about my height and weight and I put that on my profile, I also have recent pictures up. I had been emailing on the site back and forth with this guy, he seemed so nice. Tonight we went for coffee and it was going well until he asked me what I was doing to try and lose weight. I told him I wasn't trying to lose weight but I wasn't trying to gain either. And his response was "_it's a shame, you have such a pretty face, and you're "nice enough", but you'd be so much prettier at a "better" weight_". I asked him why he was on the site then, there were plenty of sites out there geared to the general non-bbw population, and his response (after him telling me not to get defensive) was "It's just because I don't want to date any anorexics..."
> 
> Grrrr... so I tell him thanks for the coffee, obviously I am not what he is looking for and I start getting up to leave. His response was something like "don't be so touchy, I'd totally date you if you lost some weight, *your boobs are really nice*..." I just grabbed my coat from the back of my chair and left.
> 
> ...



Bolded for - "and he thought that would help get you back onside?" ahahaha! what a moron! Sounds like you're well shot of him!

Damn! sounds like you've had some bad luck pickin' 'em! *hugs*


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## Linda (Jan 24, 2010)

bigjayne66 said:


> I have a friend who is a total FA,he would not give any woman he dated this bullshit,the BBWs who love themselves don't want it,the BBWs who don't love themselves don't NEED it.
> He is a good looking 300 pound 6 foot BHM,alas I am twice his age and he lives in the states
> Its the nice guys who don't always get the dates and actually deserve them....anyone agree?





Are you pimping out your friend here? lol


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## FatAndProud (Jan 24, 2010)

I'm glad you were able to walk away. However, if it were me (not saying you're any less for not doing this!!!), I would've gave him hell. I would've told him how much of a P.O.S. he was and how I KNOW his momma taught him better manners than that. Guys on fat chick dating sites generally are creepers. I know it's lonely being single...but trust me! You're worth waiting for!


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## Jes (Jan 24, 2010)

My experience has been, and others have said this to me too, is that guys often don't really read ads. Now, to me, that makes no sense. You're looking for someone for some reason, and that person is using 2 or 3 short paragraphs to tell you what he/she is offering, and you're skimming them? It might be scattershot ('contact as many women as possible, who cares about details') or it might be that they're visual, and like the picture (or are willing to see more), or god knows what. I don't think we can know. 

I think that behavior really does say much more about the guy than anything or anyone else. That's not to say it's not infuriating and hurtful; i know it is. 

In any case, my answers are: I'm sorry that happened and: I have no real idea why it happened.


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## goofy girl (Jan 24, 2010)

I think Cors was kind of onto something when she mentioned the curvy Hollywood-ish idea that some people might have when they hear BBW. I think they're thinking Anna Nicole or Jennifer Lopez.

When I was doing the bbw dating sites and had an initial correspondence with someone and I'd describe myself as "5'8, 330lbs, brown hair and brown eyes I'd get a lot of replies from the guys saying things like "Oh come on you're not really that big" or things like that....usually not as nicely put as that. And even when I'd remind them that they were using a bbw site they still didn't "get it".

Also...A LOT of the bbw sites are linked to "regular" dating sites, so your profile might come up as a match for guys who aren't looking for a big girl but has similar interests listed.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 24, 2010)

goofy girl said:


> It has happened to me!! I finally stopped doing the online thing when I wasn't getting any real dates and just guys that wanted to "come over and watch a DVD and hang out" - it only took me about 4 years to realize that's "I just want to f*ck you and leave" in asshole language. I'm a slow learner.
> 
> I stopped all that when I was corresponding with one guy. I refused to invite him over and was suggesting places to meet and he said "Do you really think guys like fat chicks? You really wonder why guys don't want to meet you in public? Look in the mirror" So.....yeah...that was the end of online dating for me.
> 
> ...



I had it happen to me, too. Oh and those "fuck you and leave you without any effort guys" are prevalent to women of all sizes, I suspect though I have wondered if they might view fat women as being "desperate". 
I also abhor those ones that just keep pestering for risque pictures or to see you on cam. My asshole radar gets turned on instantly because I think most of that type usually have wives or girlfriends and are using the net to find a fatty for e-sex. That or.....they are the guys that don't want to be seen dating a fat woman.....even though they signed up for a BBW site or contacted a woman that is obviously fat. 



I had a guy on POF contact me to ask what BBW meant. I explained. His response was that he didn't like thin women but......it sounded like I was proud to go ahead and say that I was a bigger woman....and shouldn't I try to lose weight. 
Lol, that led into an argument of sorts.....one that I didn't really feel like having because he grew more insulting with each PM and told me that he KNEW I would be "overly sensitive" to what he was saying.
I blocked the guy after telling him to work on his own problems instead of trying to "fix" me. A couple of months later he messages again, with a new ID, asking if I remember him. 
I asked him why he was attempting to bother me again. He messaged again to say that I was dreaming. I did not answer.
So.....he messaged me again a couple of days later....LOL. He was confused.....and maybe feeling guilty? Who knows.....I wasn't interested but I remember him well. 

The guy digs fat chicks. I suspect the same of the guy that contacted Dreamy. 
They just don't think it's "okay" to do so is my whole take on the situation. Closet guys....I don't like them. They are jerks. Ixnay them.

There ARE nice men out there that are not ashamed of their preference or themselves.....hence, they won't be ashamed of you. 
Fine tune your radar. If they take the conversation where you don't want it to go in the beginning, take back the control and block them quickly. 

Seriously....why waste your time with those guys? You know they exist.....the ticket is knowing how to avoid them. 

No one is obligated to accept the abuse that kind comes with. Hold out....it's worth it. 



goofy girl said:


> I think Cors was kind of onto something when she mentioned the curvy Hollywood-ish idea that some people might have when they hear BBW. I think they're thinking Anna Nicole or Jennifer Lopez.
> 
> When I was doing the bbw dating sites and had an initial correspondence with someone and I'd describe myself as "5'8, 330lbs, brown hair and brown eyes I'd get a lot of replies from the guys saying things like "Oh come on you're not really that big" or things like that....usually not as nicely put as that. And even when I'd remind them that they were using a bbw site they still didn't "get it".
> 
> Also...A LOT of the bbw sites are linked to "regular" dating sites, so your profile might come up as a match for guys who aren't looking for a big girl but has similar interests listed.



I think a lot of them really vest too much thought/idea/decisions into the pictures, to be honest. I can have a guy tell me over and over how attractive he finds my pictures, yet still feel incredibly insecure until we actually meet. Why? Pictures are NOT the same as meeting IRL and people that tend to shy away from IRL meetings annoy me.....and I won't waste too much time on them. Meet me and then decide......because that's how I operate myself. 
Because of that, I try not to to give too much clout to an guy's picture on those sites.....I make no decision about the physical attractiveness until after our first meeting.


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## steely (Jan 24, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> I am on a BBW internet dating site. I am finding more and more that the men on there are not really into BBWs... they say they are... but they aren't. I am open and honest about my height and weight and I put that on my profile, I also have recent pictures up. I had been emailing on the site back and forth with this guy, he seemed so nice. Tonight we went for coffee and it was going well until he asked me what I was doing to try and lose weight. I told him I wasn't trying to lose weight but I wasn't trying to gain either. And his response was "_it's a shame, you have such a pretty face, and you're "nice enough", but you'd be so much prettier at a "better" weight_". I asked him why he was on the site then, there were plenty of sites out there geared to the general non-bbw population, and his response (after him telling me not to get defensive) was "It's just because I don't want to date any anorexics..."
> 
> Grrrr... so I tell him thanks for the coffee, obviously I am not what he is looking for and I start getting up to leave. His response was something like "don't be so touchy, I'd totally date you if you lost some weight, your boobs are really nice..." I just grabbed my coat from the back of my chair and left.
> 
> ...



This makes me sad. Why should anything be this hard?


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## jdsumm (Jan 24, 2010)

steely said:


> This makes me sad. Why should anything be this hard?



It is sad.  I had not dated for 15 years (YES that is correct, 15 years is not a typo) for 2 major reasons, one being that I thought I had to lose weight first. Finally I decided to accept and embrace my self as a BBW and ventured on to online dating sites this past summer. I did both a "normal" site and a BBW site. The normal site I had of course lots of rejection because of my size and only met 2 guys there that I agreed to date, both turned out bad. I have had lots of responses on the BBW site but I have to say 99.9% are just exactly like described in the posts above. They are either not really into BBW's or they are closeted or they want to have online sex or they want to just meet up for sex. I only went on dates with 2 from that site as well. One was really bad but I did meet one decent man and we have been out on a few dates, we have become pretty good friends. But all in all my experience with online dating has been a major disappointment. Although I have to say it has been humorous at times and I have learned a lot about sexual fetishes of all kinds by reading responses I get from these guys. I don't know if that is a good thing or not, but at least it has been an educational experience. :doh:


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## Weirdo890 (Jan 24, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> I am on a BBW internet dating site. I am finding more and more that the men on there are not really into BBWs... they say they are... but they aren't. I am open and honest about my height and weight and I put that on my profile, I also have recent pictures up. I had been emailing on the site back and forth with this guy, he seemed so nice. Tonight we went for coffee and it was going well until he asked me what I was doing to try and lose weight. I told him I wasn't trying to lose weight but I wasn't trying to gain either. And his response was "_it's a shame, you have such a pretty face, and you're "nice enough", but you'd be so much prettier at a "better" weight_". I asked him why he was on the site then, there were plenty of sites out there geared to the general non-bbw population, and his response (after him telling me not to get defensive) was "It's just because I don't want to date any anorexics..."
> 
> Grrrr... so I tell him thanks for the coffee, obviously I am not what he is looking for and I start getting up to leave. His response was something like "don't be so touchy, I'd totally date you if you lost some weight, your boobs are really nice..." I just grabbed my coat from the back of my chair and left.
> 
> ...



Ah geez, why does my gender always have to do shit like this. I'm very sorry you had to deal with a jackass like that. I'm sure you'll find someone a hell of a lot better than that. Not all guys are like that. Do you need a hug? *Opens arms*


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## mel (Jan 24, 2010)

what a fucking loser...1st let me say, good for you for getting up at that point and walking out. 

I cant say I have had someone be that blatent with me about my weight. Thank goodness...cause if so I would have let it really get to me in the past..of course now I would probably make a scene and embarass him while pointing out things about him I thougt would get to him...then i would laugh al the way out of the place. 

however, i have had guys who seem shocked by my weight when we met in person. i never lied about my weight, my pictures were current, i was honest but it was almost like they had in their mind i was smaller and when we would meet..it would cordial but you could just feel that they were surprised. (and of course never saw them again).

i cant understand why on earth a man would be on a BBW site and not understand that BBW's are on there!! what a moron!! 

if some man poked my belly and said i need to work on that..i woud pull on his dick and say ..you need to work on THAT. yes, i get hateful and lower myself to responding like a 5th grader..lol.. but DAMN..especially after you have been "together" ..wtf???

ok I guess this topic got me worked up..it really makes me mad that people are like that ..and it makes me sad that people are like that.


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## Weirdo890 (Jan 24, 2010)

goofy girl said:


> It has happened to me!! I finally stopped doing the online thing when I wasn't getting any real dates and just guys that wanted to "come over and watch a DVD and hang out" - it only took me about 4 years to realize that's "I just want to f*ck you and leave" in asshole language. I'm a slow learner.
> 
> I stopped all that when I was corresponding with one guy. I refused to invite him over and was suggesting places to meet and he said "Do you really think guys like fat chicks? You really wonder why guys don't want to meet you in public? Look in the mirror" So.....yeah...that was the end of online dating for me.
> 
> ...



The more I read these kind of threads, it becomes more and more apparent that there is no low that people of my gender will not sink to. Crimony :doh:


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 24, 2010)

goofy girl said:


> I think Cors was kind of onto something when she mentioned the curvy Hollywood-ish idea that some people might have when they hear BBW. I think they're thinking Anna Nicole or Jennifer Lopez.
> 
> When I was doing the bbw dating sites and had an initial correspondence with someone and I'd describe myself as "5'8, 330lbs, brown hair and brown eyes I'd get a lot of replies from the guys saying things like "Oh come on you're not really that big" or things like that....usually not as nicely put as that. And even when I'd remind them that they were using a bbw site they still didn't "get it".
> 
> Also...A LOT of the bbw sites are linked to "regular" dating sites, so your profile might come up as a match for guys who aren't looking for a big girl but has similar interests listed.



Yup, definitely. I mean, I think that's one element of it.

I see evidence of people wrestling with the definition of BBW in personal ads a lot these days.


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## TallFatSue (Jan 24, 2010)

The more things change, the more they stay the same, internet or not internet. 

When I was actively dating in the 1970s, most boys I dated fell into 4 categories.

1. "You'd look great if you lost 100lb." 
2. "You'd look great if you gained 100lb." 
3. "I really like you, but what would my friends and/or family think if I dated a girl as fat as you?" 
4. Unspoken, but loud and clear anyway: "All I want is sex, and I'm doing you a favor." 

It's hard to offer suggestions, because what worked for me might not work for everyone. But it pays to be optimistic. 

The usual bars, meat markets and singles scenes did me no good, because I was usually the leftover fat girl. So I steered clear of those. Instead in everyday situations I simply kept my eyes and ears open to possibilities who might be compatible, where I was more apt to meet someone one-on-one who had compatible personalities and interests. My Mr. Right was the brother of a university classmate, and after our initial awkwardness we turned out so compatible that he was open-minded enough for my fat not to be a deal-breaker. Meanwhile I introduced him to the concept of shampoo. I did find it a little unsettling that my fat was a major curiosity to him, but when he began to embrace my fat every chance he had, I knew he was a keeper. :smitten:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 24, 2010)

mel said:


> if some man poked my belly and said i need to work on that..i woud pull on his dick and say ..you need to work on THAT. yes, i get hateful and lower myself to responding like a 5th grader..lol.. but DAMN..especially after you have been "together" ..wtf???



I find the notion of male entitlement a little elementary schoolish myself. Nothing wrong with speaking to someone on a level they might finally understand. If they act like a child, treat them like a child and spank them like their momma should have  

:bow:


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## DreamyInToronto (Jan 24, 2010)

Thanks everyone for all of your replies and support. xoxo :wubu:

I love Dimensions and all of you out here, you are the best. :bow:


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## katorade (Jan 24, 2010)

goofy girl said:


> I think Cors was kind of onto something when she mentioned the curvy Hollywood-ish idea that some people might have when they hear BBW. I think they're thinking Anna Nicole or Jennifer Lopez.
> 
> When I was doing the bbw dating sites and had an initial correspondence with someone and I'd describe myself as "5'8, 330lbs, brown hair and brown eyes I'd get a lot of replies from the guys saying things like "Oh come on you're not really that big" or things like that....usually not as nicely put as that. And even when I'd remind them that they were using a bbw site they still didn't "get it".
> 
> Also...A LOT of the bbw sites are linked to "regular" dating sites, so your profile might come up as a match for guys who aren't looking for a big girl but has similar interests listed.



This was the case with the worst but probably funniest instances of this I've seen. It didn't happen to me personally, but some moron on Craigslist posted a rant about how fat women weren't BBWs, and BBW meant a woman much like the build of J-Lo (I think he actually used her as an example). Fortunately, by the time I read it, he had been thoroughly corrected about who actually coined the phrase and who it referred to. Dumbass.


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## exile in thighville (Jan 24, 2010)

Jay West Coast said:


> Assholes come in all colours.



i've only seen brown or bleached but you're in california so


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## bigpulve (Jan 24, 2010)

This kind of stuff is what makes it harder for genuine nicer guys. We dont get trusted or given a chance because women have had this type of shit.

God damnit.


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## exile in thighville (Jan 24, 2010)

TallFatSue said:


> "You'd look great if you gained 100lb."



i find it extremely hard to believe that someone uttered this sentence aloud in the 1970s.


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## moore2me (Jan 25, 2010)

Reading the experiences of Dreamy, Goofy Girl, Jewels, and JDsumm, made me realize it was time to re-post some rules for finding Mr. Right. I tried to add some real life things that happened to you ladies. Feel free to add to the list if necessariy.
*
Moores Tips For Finding Mr. Right*

1. *Cross him off the list if he is in prison or has served time. * Dont put him on the list to begin with if he was sentenced for murder or drugs. Even giving these guys your address could end badly. Let someone else be his social worker or parole officer.

2.* If hes married or even smells like hes married  off the list he goes. * Dont believe a word of the line My wife doesnt understand me. In fact, you shouldnt have spent this much time with him  hes poison.

3. *If he wants a videotape of you during sexy time  no.* Think whats going to happen when that tape ends up in ___________(fill in the most embarrassing place you can think of.)

4. *If he shows any violent tendencies toward you (verbally or physically)  off the list.*

5. *Look for a guy that is kind to his parents (or speaks well of them).*

6. *He should respect you and speak kindly to you or drop him like a hot rock.*

7. (My favorite)* Dont fish for trout in a herring barrel.* This means look for your Mr. Right in places where he should inhabit. If you are having trouble meeting guys online, look for them in real life. Find groups in your area that would interest both of you. Or attend groups meetings where his mom or family might go  water aerobics, church choir, volunteer to teach reading or English, for example.


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## joswitch (Jan 25, 2010)

@moore2me Lolz... I liked your list... You'd think 1) would be a no brainer! Footnote to 5) what if (one of) the guys parents was a 4)? My dad was a psycho who verbally and physically abused my mum and his kids... So I disowned him about ten years back... Does that make me a bad person in your book??


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## jewels_mystery (Jan 25, 2010)

Love the list Moore2me. Wish I could rep ya. Though I do not know about the parents. I have issues with mine, so I can not judge someone based on that.


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## slrm2m (Jan 25, 2010)

goofy girl said:


> It has happened to me!! I finally stopped doing the online thing when I wasn't getting any real dates and *just guys that wanted to "come over and watch a DVD and hang out" - it only took me about 4 years to realize that's "I just want to f*ck you and leave" in asshole language. I'm a slow learner.*....




LMAO...hello, sister! I used to call it the "feed me, fuck me" type of "relationship" (cough, cough). In my 20s, I dated a few guys who wanted to come over to my place, hang out, get fed, fuck, leave and then start the cycle all over again in a couple of weeks. It felt so liberating when I realized that this simply wasn't enough for me and I eliminated dating any man that treated me that way.
P.S. Now I make them cook for me! lol


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## Tmhays87 (Jan 25, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> I am on a BBW internet dating site. I am finding more and more that the men on there are not really into BBWs... they say they are... but they aren't. I am open and honest about my height and weight and I put that on my profile, I also have recent pictures up. I had been emailing on the site back and forth with this guy, he seemed so nice. Tonight we went for coffee and it was going well until he asked me what I was doing to try and lose weight. I told him I wasn't trying to lose weight but I wasn't trying to gain either. And his response was "_it's a shame, you have such a pretty face, and you're "nice enough", but you'd be so much prettier at a "better" weight_". I asked him why he was on the site then, there were plenty of sites out there geared to the general non-bbw population, and his response (after him telling me not to get defensive) was "It's just because I don't want to date any anorexics..."
> 
> Grrrr... so I tell him thanks for the coffee, obviously I am not what he is looking for and I start getting up to leave. His response was something like "don't be so touchy, I'd totally date you if you lost some weight, your boobs are really nice..." I just grabbed my coat from the back of my chair and left.
> 
> ...



I'm so sorry this happened to you  Nobody should have to encounter such disrespect. I mean, this guy must be one of the most brainless, insensitive jerks to ever disgrace planet Earth. How could anyone be so thoughtless as to think that's acceptable conversation? Makes me mad 

There are plenty of other stories out there of similarly moronic individuals doing similarly shameful things, but still it just makes me cringe when I hear stories like this. It just goes to show you how mindwarped most of society is on weight. Most people simply can't compute how a fat person would be comfortable in their current body, let alone confident or even eek proud! Even a lot of guys who claim to like BBW can't handle it well.

This sucks, but don't lose hope! There really ARE good, genuine guys out there who really love BBW and SSBBW and will show you love, respect, kindness and adoration - the things all ladies deserve from their man


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## moore2me (Jan 25, 2010)

Joswitch,

Good point with the bad dad example, Of course - you are right, there are some dads that the best contribution they did for their kids & family was donate sperm. When a man's father is unworthy of honor (you know who they are) by reasons of child abuse, chronic alcoholism, drug or gambling addiction), You have a good reason for cutting ties with him.

Thru our rental houses, this year I ran into a man who was just plain, old mean. He likes no one. He hates all racial groups. He is still mad at his ex-wife who he divorced 50 years ago. He is in his eighties and at least five or sick times a day threatens to "kick someone's ass". He hates his children (who are grown), he hates his doctors, he hates, the President, the electric company, you name it. He gets into squabbles with grocery store checkers, pharmacists, and people running gas stations. His family members who live with 30 miles hardly ever come to visit. This guy is one of most toxic persons I have ever met. His doctor talked him into taking some mood modification medicine, but the guy quit taking it after a couple of weeks.

My point is, some people are also just mean. This kind of guy or gal would make a horrible father or mother and usually drives away their loved ones. No one would fault you for failing to honor this geezer as well.

And the same in your life, Jewels - omit sections that do not apply to you. Add sections that appeal to your lifestyle. For example, if religion is a integral of your life, it should be added to Mr. Right's requirements. Whether it says he should be Jewish, Baptist, AME, Catholic, Muslim, or Buddhist.


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## TallFatSue (Jan 25, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> i find it extremely hard to believe that someone uttered this sentence aloud in the 1970s.


That's not the only thing that's hard to believe about the 1970s (leisure suits and platform shoes take those honors  ). But I'm at least 150lb heavier now than I was then, so maybe they were right?


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## TallFatSue (Jan 25, 2010)

moore2me said:


> My point is, some people are also just mean. This kind of guy or gal would make a horrible father or mother and usually drives away their loved ones. No one would fault you for failing to honor this geezer as well.


Sometimes the best thing to do is not to get angry or upset or read someone the riot act. Sometimes you just need to consider the source and walk away. That reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

"In the fevered state of our country, no good can ever result from any attempt to set one of these fiery zealots to rights either in fact or principle. They are determined as to the facts they will believe, and the opinions on which they will act. Get by them, therefore as you would by an angry bull: it is not for a man of sense to dispute the road with such an animal." -- President Thomas Jefferson, in a letter to his grandson Thomas Jefferson Randolph, Washington DC, November 24th, 1808


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## Keb (Jan 25, 2010)

I once had the audacity to "wink" at a couple of guys on a site while I was exploring. One of them sent me a message saying that I was too ugly for him, and looked like a man. It basically ruined my day, and it still rankles a bit, obviously. I mean, there was no reason for him to do that--he could have just ignored me entirely!

I was tempted to respond to him and tell him what a jerk he was, but I forced myself to just delete the message and ignore it.

...I'm not having much luck with online dating, either. I really haven't figured out how people manage to find dates, or at least dates that don't suck. It just doesn't seem to happen for me.


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## bigjayne66 (Jan 25, 2010)

Linda said:


> Are you pimping out your friend here? lol



Slightly,I suppose,cos I can't have him and he is a bit shy,and deserves to have a lovely BBW on his arm....


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## kayrae (Jan 25, 2010)

I will punch him for you. Tell me where and when. 

I just ended a friendship with a guy whose been trying to holler at me off and on for a year, asking me for pictures, wanting some form of wank fodder or another. I somehow find his OKC site, which states that he'll date an overweight girl, but definitely not someone who's obese. 

Bye bye guy.


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## steely (Jan 25, 2010)

kayrae said:


> I will punch him for you. Tell me where and when.
> 
> I just ended a friendship with a guy whose been trying to holler at me off and on for a year, asking me for pictures, wanting some form of wank fodder or another. I somehow find his OKC site, which states that he'll date an overweight girl, but definitely not someone who's obese.
> 
> Bye bye guy.



Geez, so classy of him! :doh:


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## IceTeaPrincess (Jan 25, 2010)

Hi all,
I post here every once in a blue moon (or less) but I wanted to just add my 2 cents to this discussion. In my experience there are some troubled people out there ( i don't want to say just men, becuz there are women like this too) who ENJOY confusing people. It is almost better than erotic pay off for them. And these people are often very insecure themselves so they will look for whatever insecurity they can find in you so that can use it against you and try to get more control over you. They come in all stripes but some might disguise themselves as FAs in order to have a ready made thing that they can use as an issue. No offense to real FAs, of course. You guys rawk.
Jerk offs of all types in the world LOVE control & one of the easiest ways to get control is through humiliation. So when somebody does that type of thing to you, see it for what it is. It's not so much about weight it's them wanting to control you & be your Svengali. I'm more like a J Lo shape than a full BBW, but I had a guy I met online 2 years ago at first completely in love with me.
The first thing he writes after our first date is "I'm so attracted to you." We go on more dates, he starts telling me I need to dye my hair darker & all these little "I'm going to improve you according to my tastes" hints. Then after like 5 dates he suddenly completely dumps me saying that he thinks i'm beautful but we don't have the chemistry he's looking for. In convos that followed when I was trying to figure out why I was being dumped he would go from telling me that I'm built & shaped like a "pin up" to saying that I just didn't do it fully for him. Very confusing stuff. Happily, I've since moved onto much better, nicer & hotter guys than that twerp & you can too. Don't lose hope! 

Also, I would add onto that who not to date list: 
If this person seems ambivalent & sketchy, tries to control the way you look, say or do things. They have control issues & probably will enjoy upsetting you. DON'T GO THERE!


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## Southpaw (Jan 25, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> I am on a BBW internet dating site. I am finding more and more that the men on there are not really into BBWs... they say they are... but they aren't. I am open and honest about my height and weight and I put that on my profile, I also have recent pictures up. I had been emailing on the site back and forth with this guy, he seemed so nice. Tonight we went for coffee and it was going well until he asked me what I was doing to try and lose weight. I told him I wasn't trying to lose weight but I wasn't trying to gain either. And his response was "_it's a shame, you have such a pretty face, and you're "nice enough", but you'd be so much prettier at a "better" weight_". I asked him why he was on the site then, there were plenty of sites out there geared to the general non-bbw population, and his response (after him telling me not to get defensive) was "It's just because I don't want to date any anorexics..."
> 
> Grrrr... so I tell him thanks for the coffee, obviously I am not what he is looking for and I start getting up to leave. His response was something like "don't be so touchy, I'd totally date you if you lost some weight, your boobs are really nice..." I just grabbed my coat from the back of my chair and left.
> 
> ...



like an ass to me!!! Keep smiling he was definately out of his league!!


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 25, 2010)

The constant jockeying for position in the Preference Game in personal ads can make for some really offensive interactions, I agree. Esp with all the "BBW" gray area and the "thick is good, obese is sloppy/bad" crap. I had one guy tell me "he likes BBWs, but I'd be too much to handle," only he said it much worse than that and I blocked it out.

I'm not sure cafeteria-style thinking about human beings is good for any of us, seductive as it is. Photos are just photos.


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## ZincDink (Jan 25, 2010)

No need to apologize for us. 

Fish:


> And once again my gender does stuff that makes me want to hide in a cave.



Weirdo890 


> Ah geez, why does my gender always have to do shit like this. I'm very sorry you had to deal with a jackass like that. I'm sure you'll find someone a hell of a lot better than that. Not all guys are like that. Do you need a hug? *Opens arms*



Ladies: I'm sure that these fellas are very nice, but add being a "White Knight" to the list of potential danger signs.


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## kayrae (Jan 25, 2010)

I've had guys who just found my profile who felt the need to tell me I'm fat and ugly. I don't bother with a reply and just delete delete delete. No sense in upsetting myself over an asshole. Or maybe it's happened enough times that I choose not to let him get me down. It's really not worth it.



Keb said:


> I once had the audacity to "wink" at a couple of guys on a site while I was exploring. One of them sent me a message saying that I was too ugly for him, and looked like a man. It basically ruined my day, and it still rankles a bit, obviously. I mean, there was no reason for him to do that--he could have just ignored me entirely!
> 
> I was tempted to respond to him and tell him what a jerk he was, but I forced myself to just delete the message and ignore it.
> 
> ...I'm not having much luck with online dating, either. I really haven't figured out how people manage to find dates, or at least dates that don't suck. It just doesn't seem to happen for me.


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## moore2me (Jan 25, 2010)

ZincDink said:


> No need to apologize for us.
> 
> Fish:
> 
> ...



_Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Camelot,_ and the _Princess Bride_ were all lovely fairy tales that shaped most of our dreams when we were little girls. When cold, hard reality knocked us on the ass and we realized that there are no "White Knights" as you say or princes that will marry us, it was a big let-down.

I still love fairy tales, but now realize that they are more like _Shrek_. A white knight belongs in the realm of unicorns and wizards - pretty but unreal.

However, do avoid the "bad boy" trap. Do not fall in love or put you trust in a guy because he is dangerous, a rebel, or is exotically different from the daily men you have grown up with. These bad boys are *not* going to be Mr. Right. :goodbye::goodbye:





IceTeaPrincess said:


> Hi all,
> I post here every once in a blue moon (or less) but I wanted to just add my 2 cents to this discussion. In my experience there are some troubled people out there ( i don't want to say just men, becuz there are women like this too) who ENJOY confusing people. It is almost better than erotic pay off for them. And these people are often very insecure themselves so they will look for whatever insecurity they can find in you so that can use it against you and try to get more control over you. They come in all stripes but some might disguise themselves as FAs in order to have a ready made thing that they can use as an issue. No offense to real FAs, of course. You guys rawk.
> Jerk offs of all types in the world LOVE control & one of the easiest ways to get control is through humiliation. So when somebody does that type of thing to you, see it for what it is. It's not so much about weight it's them wanting to control you & be your Svengali. I'm more like a J Lo shape than a full BBW, but I had a guy I met online 2 years ago at first completely in love with me.
> The first thing he writes after our first date is "I'm so attracted to you." We go on more dates, he starts telling me I need to dye my hair darker & all these little "I'm going to improve you according to my tastes" hints. Then after like 5 dates he suddenly completely dumps me saying that he thinks i'm beautful* but we don't have the chemistry he's looking for*. In convos that followed when I was trying to figure out why I was being dumped he would go from telling me that I'm built & shaped like a "pin up" to saying that I just didn't do it fully for him. Very confusing stuff. Happily, I've since moved onto much better, nicer & hotter guys than that twerp & you can too. Don't lose hope!
> ...



Actually, I am a big believer in chemistry between you and Mr. Right. You will meet a few men in your life whose *pheromones* will make your head spin. And the same for him towards you. I have also run across men who did not have the right chemistry and there was no way I would have continued to pursue this guy.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 25, 2010)

Keb said:


> I once had the audacity to "wink" at a couple of guys on a site while I was exploring. One of them sent me a message saying that I was too ugly for him, and looked like a man. It basically ruined my day, and it still rankles a bit, obviously. I mean, there was no reason for him to do that--he could have just ignored me entirely!
> 
> I was tempted to respond to him and tell him what a jerk he was, but I forced myself to just delete the message and ignore it.
> 
> ...I'm not having much luck with online dating, either. I really haven't figured out how people manage to find dates, or at least dates that don't suck. It just doesn't seem to happen for me.



That sucks! I'm very sorry that happened to you. For what it's worth, in the posts I've read by you, I think you're an awesome woman. 

I had a guy I sent a message to online send me a reply to say that he can't date a woman with a food addiction. I was like...um...WTF? Did I *post* my eating habits somewhere for you? Seriously. Sadly I didn't have your strength to just ignore and delete, and I sent him some long defensive message, and then went for a long walk and felt depressed (and also blocked him so he couldn't reply to me ).

Maybe we need some kind of thread about online dating tips or things that work for people. ?! I dunno.


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## kayrae (Jan 25, 2010)

I stand by the "he's not that into you" ethos. My profile specifically says don't talk to me if you don't want to date a fat girl. And my pictures have various different angles to make it clear that I am fat.


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## Jes (Jan 25, 2010)

goofy girl said:


> "Oh come on you're not really that big" or things like that.....



I've heard this too! Um.... is it common for women to estimate their weight 100 lbs heavier than it actually is? Because I'm pretty sure it's not. 

I think that once people like you, even in some very tiny way, they want to see you in a positive light, and for many people, that positive light can't include fatness.

www.cuckoo.com


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## LoveBHMS (Jan 25, 2010)

Keb said:


> I once had the audacity to "wink" at a couple of guys on a site while I was exploring. One of them sent me a message saying that I was too ugly for him, and looked like a man. It basically ruined my day, and it still rankles a bit, obviously. I mean, there was no reason for him to do that--he could have just ignored me entirely!
> 
> I was tempted to respond to him and tell him what a jerk he was, but I forced myself to just delete the message and ignore it.
> 
> ...I'm not having much luck with online dating, either. I really haven't figured out how people manage to find dates, or at least dates that don't suck. It just doesn't seem to happen for me.



Ugh. The dating site I was on had an active message board system and there were numerous discussion about the etiquette of just ignoring emails or other forms of initiating contact. Interestingly, most of the females said it was fine to just ignore somebody you were not interested in and they expected the same thing. It was understood that if somebody is not interested that you probably don't want to know why and they really don't owe you an explanation anymore than we owed a male in whom we're not interested an explanation as to why.

One thing that came up there and was also mentioned on the Lounge here was that it was common to hear about somebody sending a polite "Thank you but no thank you" note for that person to get abused and harangued by whomever they'd rejected. It also seemed heavily skewed towards females who came under fire for being disinterested, which i think is why they're more likely to just want to ignore a man rather than possibly subject themselves to a tirade if they indicate disinterest.


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## IceTeaPrincess (Jan 25, 2010)

moore2me said:


> _
> Actually, I am a big believer in chemistry between you and Mr. Right. You will meet a few men in your life whose *pheromones* will make your head spin. And the same for him towards you. I have also run across men who did not have the right chemistry and there was no way I would have continued to pursue this guy.  _


_

I too think chemistry is very important & probably counts for some of the reasons why some people who meet online don't gel in real life. This guy had quite a lot of time to decide if we had chemistry before going from acting completely in love to throwing me in the garbage can, tho. Just one of the many sketchy things he did, (including having sex with me without a condom a few times w/o my knowing it & w/o my permission. ARGH!) So basically a big sketchball nightmare. Strangely enough, I was wearing one of those female pheromones perfumes when i was out with sketchball ex. I saw the lady he's with now & she looks very much like a stereotypical butch lesbian, so maybe I was wearing the wrong pheromones to attract him. LOL 
Online romances ain't all bad, tho. 2 of my brothers are happily married for a few years now to ladies they met on dating sites. So if you haven't struck gold yet, keep trying!_


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## DreamyInToronto (Jan 25, 2010)

Southpaw said:


> like an ass to me!!! Keep smiling he was definately out of his league!!



Awww Southpaw, you're so sweet!!! Thank you!!! xoxoxoxo 

:bow:


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## Jes (Jan 25, 2010)

IceTeaPrincess said:


> chemistry before going from acting completely in love to throwing me in the garbage can, tho. Just one of the many sketchy things he did, (including having sex with me without a condom a few times w/o my knowing it & w/o my permission. ARGH!) !



that sounds like Borderline PErsonality Disorder or some untreated bipolar disorder right there. All about him, not about anyone else. Mental illness.


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## olwen (Jan 25, 2010)

kayrae said:


> I stand by the "he's not that into you" ethos. My profile specifically says don't talk to me if you don't want to date a fat girl. And my pictures have various different angles to make it clear that I am fat.



I did that same thing. And even after the initial wink or whatever I'd ask them all kinds of questions to make sure they understood how big I am. That was a good way to weed out guys who thought bbw meant Bridget Jones types only.

My main problem with bbw dating sites were the guys who did understand how big I was, but who only wanted sex. They'd want to meet me right then and there and when I'd say no, then they'd break out the "well who the hell would want you, you fat cow" type comments. Who needs that? 

Internet dating sucks. If I didn't have to talk to 99 jerks before finding one who wasn't I'd give it another try. It's just too much work. Bah.


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## gypsy (Jan 26, 2010)

Dreamy, when I read your first post I could have sworn it was me writing it. 

Dating sites SUCK. End of story.

The worst one I ever had was this guy who said that he was single and looking for a LTR on his profile. Well lo and behold, I talk with him, and not only is he in a relationship, it's with a girl who is a 'gorgeous runway model' BUT he "prefers BBW". Of course, because he's so attractive he can't be seen with a fattie, oh no, that would be just so wrong. *rolls eyes* So, why don't he and I hook up, because I'm unbelievably attractive, and he really needs to get off. I tell him he's scum and that he isn't worth the time or effort I have already wasted with him, since in my profile I clearly state I didn't want one nighters, men who are attached, or closet cases. He starts *begging* me. I say.. fuck off, you loser, and block him.


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## OhLaLaSoSexy (Jan 26, 2010)

olwen said:


> My main problem with bbw dating sites were the guys who did understand how big I was, but who only wanted sex. They'd want to meet me right then and there and when I'd say no, then they'd break out the *"well who the hell would want you, you fat cow" *type comments. Who needs that?




This has happened to me before! what is up with that? They are all over you and then they snap! ummm psycho much? hahah BUT this has only happened to me on the internet. Its called "internet balls". pshhhhh.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 26, 2010)

Lol @ internet balls

Yep, I think that sums it up nicely


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## Cors (Jan 26, 2010)

Yeah, internet balls indeed. Some guys are just jerks like that - they are all over you and tell you all sorts of flattering things in the hope of getting a quick fuck or two, but the minute you reject them, they will start calling you names in an attempt to soothe their bruised ego, even if they do find you attractive. Their behavior says a lot about them and nothing about you so don't take it too seriously.


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## olwen (Jan 27, 2010)

OhLaLaSoSexy said:


> This has happened to me before! what is up with that? They are all over you and then they snap! ummm psycho much? hahah BUT this has only happened to me on the internet. Its called "internet balls". pshhhhh.



Hahahahaha. Internet balls indeed. 

Unfortunately, that has happened to me in person too. Random guys on the street sometimes cat call, and if I don't respond I get those same kinds of comments. Gross. I have often wondered if that's just a New York City thing...


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## olwen (Jan 27, 2010)

Cors said:


> Yeah, internet balls indeed. Some guys are just jerks like that - they are all over you and tell you all sorts of flattering things in the hope of getting a quick fuck or two, but the minute you reject them, they will start calling you names in an attempt to soothe their bruised ego, even if they do find you attractive. Their behavior says a lot about them and nothing about you so don't take it too seriously.



You're absolutely right. You can't take it seriously, but damn if it isn't annoying enough to make me give up on bbw dating sites.


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## mossystate (Jan 27, 2010)

ZincDink said:


> Ladies: I'm sure that these fellas are very nice, but add being a "White Knight" to the list of potential danger signs.




Like this? ^^^^^^




Trust me...most women who are even halfway smart ( like me!...beat somebody to it ), know that men who try too hard are not to be given much attention. Thing is, too many men think that ANY other man who views women as equals, and doesn't want any person being messed with, must be trying to get into pants.


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## Wagimawr (Jan 27, 2010)

mossystate said:


> too many men think that ANY other man who views women as equals, and don't want any person being messed with, must be trying to get into pants.





mossystate said:


> too many men think that ANY other man who views women as equals, and don't want any person being messed with, must be trying to get into pants.





mossystate said:


> too many men think that ANY other man who views women as equals, and don't want any person being messed with, must be trying to get into pants.


can I emphasize this enough? not at all.


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## OhLaLaSoSexy (Jan 27, 2010)

olwen said:


> Hahahahaha. Internet balls indeed.
> 
> Unfortunately, that has happened to me in person too. Random guys on the street sometimes cat call, and if I don't respond I get those same kinds of comments. Gross. I have often wondered if that's just a New York City thing...



Are you serious? hmmm. I never had this happen to me in NY. Usually everyone kinda avoids eye contact. I have a friend who is also bigger and she got hit on sooo much in NY. Of course she was loving every second of it hahaha


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## OneWickedAngel (Jan 27, 2010)

olwen said:


> Hahahahaha. Internet balls indeed.
> 
> Unfortunately, that has happened to me in person too. Random guys on the street sometimes cat call, and if I don't respond I get those same kinds of comments. Gross. I have often wondered if that's just a New York City thing...



Unfortunately, no. It's happened to me in Philly, Atlanta, Miami London, England and Nassau, Bahamas. Nothing like crossing an ocean and getting insulted by random arseholes. 

They feel safe in doing this because ...

they are counting on most women being too embarrassed when this happens to answer back, so they get away with it. Especially if they are with "their boys" (ye olde wolf-pack mentality).
some truly believe fat girls should be "grateful" to be receiving any attention at all.
it's the real life equivalent of online anonymity. Odds are high your paths will not cross again, so they feel free to be total pricks.

Dreamy, so sorry that happened to you. 
Much kudos to you for having the assurance of self to walk away from that jerk.





You deserve much better.You will find it, and when you do, it will be all the more appreciated because all the cubic zirconia you had to dig through to find the real diamond.


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## OhLaLaSoSexy (Jan 27, 2010)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Unfortunately, no. It's happened to me in Philly, Atlanta, Miami London, England and Nassau, Bahamas. Nothing like crossing an ocean and getting insulted by random arseholes.
> 
> They feel safe in doing this because ...
> 
> ...




Whaaaaat? wow! that really is just a shame. May i ask how you handle those situations? Do you ignore them or do you reply? Im curious...I usualy just act like i didnt hear anything.


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## Jes (Jan 27, 2010)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Unfortunately, no. It's happened to me in Philly, Atlanta, Miami London, England and Nassau, Bahamas. Nothing like crossing an ocean and getting insulted by random arseholes.
> .



haha. I remember walking through a neighborhood in San Fran (to get to the Muni) and being sexually harassed in a wide variety of languages!


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## calauria (Jan 27, 2010)

Damn!! I had things like this happening when I was 130 lbs.!! I had guys tell me that I needed to exercise, I looked greedy, my skin was too dark, I was too skinny and mostly they just wanted to have sex and leave... You know, I actually believe ladies is that a lot of guys have low self esteem and they project those feelings on ALL of us females, no matter what our size. That's just how low self esteem manifests in men. Women when we have low self esteem, we tend to hurt ourselves, men tend to lash out at others, mostly women.


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## joswitch (Jan 27, 2010)

*cough* sometimes guys get it too... I had some random girl PM me on a dating site to tell me - "You should've just stuck with that picture of your back, 'cos your face is UGLY!" which seemed both charmless and pointless... :shrugs:


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## calauria (Jan 27, 2010)

All of my online dates really sucked. I'm surprised that people can manage to find a good one. Oh well, I'll just continue enjoying my life, even if I never fine an SO. I'm not gonna stress over it.


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## calauria (Jan 27, 2010)

joswitch said:


> *cough* sometimes guys get it too... I had some random girl PM me on a dating site to tell me - "You should've just stuck with that picture of your back, 'cos your face is UGLY!" which seemed both charmless and pointless... :shrugs:



Well, she doesn't seem like a big loss. Her personality really sucks!! Less drama you have to deal with. LOL!!


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## olwen (Jan 27, 2010)

OhLaLaSoSexy said:


> Are you serious? hmmm. I never had this happen to me in NY. Usually everyone kinda avoids eye contact. I have a friend who is also bigger and she got hit on sooo much in NY. Of course she was loving every second of it hahaha



HA! Yeah most of the time not making eye contact is not threatning or aggressive, but when some random douchebag says gross things and you ignore it or don't respond cause you haven't had enough time to process it, not making eye contact is the one time where they might decide to get aggressive. It doesn't matter if they are teenagers or grown men either. It's actually kind of scary especially if they are in a posse. I never know if they are gonna follow me down the street or not, so there is always that moment of slight fear. 



OneWickedAngel said:


> Unfortunately, no. It's happened to me in Philly, Atlanta, Miami London, England and Nassau, Bahamas. Nothing like crossing an ocean and getting insulted by random arseholes.
> 
> They feel safe in doing this because ...
> *they are counting on most women being too embarrassed when this happens to answer back, so they get away with it. Especially if they are with "their boys" (ye olde wolf-pack mentality).*
> ...



For me it's not even about it being embarrassing so much as it is annoying and potentially scary harassment. At least on the internet you can block those assholes, but it's still annoying.



Jes said:


> haha. I remember walking through a neighborhood in San Fran (to get to the Muni) and being sexually harassed in a wide variety of languages!



Here, it's mostly English or Spanish, tho if I were to be harassed in some other language I probably wouldn't know it! 



calauria said:


> Damn!! I had things like this happening when I was 130 lbs.!! I had guys tell me that I needed to exercise, I looked greedy, my skin was too dark, I was too skinny and mostly they just wanted to have sex and leave... You know, I actually believe ladies is that a lot of guys have low self esteem and they project those feelings on ALL of us females, no matter what our size. That's just how low self esteem manifests in men. Women when we have low self esteem, we tend to hurt ourselves, men tend to lash out at others, mostly women.



I was thinking about this earlier today, and I tried to put myself in some guys shoes like, if I were to put myself out there and express how I felt about some random woman's particular _ahem_, assett, it would probably sting if she shot me down which would piss me off cause nobody likes to be rejected, in which case I might have knee jerk reaction and lash out in some way. But, then I thought man, these guys need to buy a clue. If they wouldn't want to hear a dude say something crass about their own mother or sister or girlfriend then they probably shouldn't say anything either. But then I guess too, context and approach matters. If I were at a party it might be more appropriate if the air is all sexually charged and whatnot, but in some random everyday moment, not so much. That's just my opinion tho.



calauria said:


> All of my online dates really sucked. I'm surprised that people can manage to find a good one. Oh well, I'll just continue enjoying my life, even if I never fine an SO. I'm not gonna stress over it.



I'm amazed that people get together that way too.


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## superodalisque (Jan 27, 2010)

this is why i usually really take my time before meeting someone. if he can't chat online and talk about things in general like a human being then i'll never meet him. i've belonged to several sites over the years and chatted with tons of people but i only found maybe 3 or 4 appropriate enough to meet in about 6 yrs. they were nice guys but not love matches and all of them are still friends. the best are still people you meet IRL without any net impressions perceptions or expectations. its much harder to go wrong with someone who just comes p to you in public and respectfully just says hi. even with somene who could be an ass online it sets a different tone and a whole different set of expectatons. i think the net is just such an unrealistic place that it would be really hard to meet someone to be serious about. the strange thing is that the nicer people i've met online have not been on a BBW site. in my experience those guys have been much worse than the guys on the other sites in thier behavior. i don't know why. maybe they think fat girls will take the bs more or something?


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## superodalisque (Jan 27, 2010)

kayrae said:


> I stand by the "he's not that into you" ethos. My profile specifically says don't talk to me if you don't want to date a fat girl. And my pictures have various different angles to make it clear that I am fat.



same here. i do see a lot of headshots only on BBW dating sites. we do vary a whole lot in our size and shape much moreso than thin girls do. i think even though we might someimes wish otherwise all of that is a factor in attraction and we need to make sure we are pretty straight forward about all of who we are just to elliminate certian folks. but even when you do that it still doesn't illiminate all of the yahoos but it might help people to shed some anyway.


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## olwen (Jan 27, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> this is why i usually really take my time before meeting someone. if he can't chat online and talk about things in general like a human being then i'll never meet him. i've belonged to several sites over the years and chatted with tons of people but i only found maybe 3 or 4 appropriate enough to meet in about 6 yrs. they were nice guys but not love matches and all of them are still friends. the best are still people you meet IRL without any net impressions perceptions or expectations. its much harder to go wrong with someone who just comes p to you in public and respectfully just says hi. even with somene who could be an ass online it sets a different tone and a whole different set of expectatons. i think the net is just such an unrealistic place that it would be really hard to meet someone to be serious about. the strange thing is that the nicer people i've met online have not been on a BBW site. in my experience those guys have been much worse than the guys on the other sites in thier behavior. i don't know why. maybe they think fat girls will take the bs more or something?



I'm curious SuperO. Which non-bbw sites did you try where the guys weren't as gross? Maybe it's a site I haven't tried. Okcupid, match.com, blackpeoplemeet, afroromance, and craigslist is what I tried. I got dates from the bbw sites, but not from any of those...


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## superodalisque (Jan 27, 2010)

olwen said:


> I'm curious SuperO. Which non-bbw sites did you try where the guys weren't as gross? Maybe it's a site I haven't tried. Okcupid, match.com, blackpeoplemeet, afroromance, and craigslist is what I tried. I got dates from the bbw sites, but not from any of those...



i met some really nice guys on plentyoffish and in a very short period of time. i was looking for locals in my area (atlanta) so that might have made a difference too i don't know.


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## olwen (Jan 27, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i met some really nice guys on plentyoffish and in a very short period of time. i was looking for locals in my area (atlanta) so that might have made a difference too i don't know.



I've never tried POF. Location might have something to do with it too...my best friend is convinced that it's impossible for fat girls to find decent guys in this city. She didn't meet her bf until she moved upstate, but she also lost weight once she moved upstate and I think that made her feel more confident, so who knows...


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## IceTeaPrincess (Jan 27, 2010)

Jes said:


> that sounds like Borderline PErsonality Disorder or some untreated bipolar disorder right there. All about him, not about anyone else. Mental illness.



Precisely, Jess.
There are too many people like that out on dating sites, apparently.

I have also had one similar thing happen to me before that I was reading happened to another girl on the "How was your last date?" thread in the lounge here. It's when somebody goes through all the motions of getting all stuck on you online & acting like they are quite serious about you & meeting you, (even going so far as to suggest places to go & days when the date could be) then they end up cancel because something came up or just don't show up.... Rinse & repeat....Rinse & repeat

I've often wondered why people would do this & I think that is either:
1, They feel they have something to hide or feel they have represented themselves or their lives falsely.
OR
2, They have had a very bad /disasterous experience meeting somebody online before & don't want to risk ruining what they feel they share with the person. The fantasy part of it is more important than the reality to them.

One possibly helpful tip I read someplace about how not to get too hurt by rejection while dating is to try hard not to get too emotionally invested in only one guy/girl during the iffy part of the courting period & try dating a handful of people at once so as not to end up being too devastated by any rejections or things like that that may occur. 

It is very comforting to know that so many other people have had some real bad online romance doozies as well, it's seems it's not an uncommon thing at all.
But some of the rudeness talked about on this thread is worse than anything I have ever had to encounter. It's appalling that people who are capable of such rudeness are allowed out of their cages. 
I hope Instant Karma got them back good.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 30, 2010)

olwen said:


> I'm curious SuperO. Which non-bbw sites did you try where the guys weren't as gross? Maybe it's a site I haven't tried. Okcupid, match.com, blackpeoplemeet, afroromance, and craigslist is what I tried. I got dates from the bbw sites, but not from any of those...





superodalisque said:


> i met some really nice guys on plentyoffish and in a very short period of time. i was looking for locals in my area (atlanta) so that might have made a difference too i don't know.





olwen said:


> I've never tried POF. Location might have something to do with it too...my best friend is convinced that it's impossible for fat girls to find decent guys in this city. She didn't meet her bf until she moved upstate, but she also lost weight once she moved upstate and I think that made her feel more confident, so who knows...



I met my current bf on POF. He flat out stated in his profile that he preferred BBW...but said it in a nice way as not to offend women that are not BBW. 
I liked that part 
I have also had luck with CL sometimes. Just nothing that ever panned out for very long. Met a guy I dated for about five weeks on Match.com. 
Also dated a guy that is now my friend on a site called Large and Lovely- he was actually the only hit I got on that site. Have always had a big response on CL though but spend most of my time "weeding" *shrugs*

Don't know if it will help you but maybe it will give someone else a place to look? Always seem to have much better luck on non-exclusive BBW dating places myself. The biggest problem I have had with BBW sites is that LOCAL guys are not aplenty. I can find them from all over this state....or the next one.....but hard to find someone to whom I am mutually attracted that lives close enough to be worth the bother. The non-bbw sites seem to have TONS of local guys. 

I will butt back out now.


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## kittencat (Jan 30, 2010)

what an arse!were so going out to club next week!


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 30, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I met my current bf on POF.



I've been out with 3 guys over the past week, all from POF. They were all nice enough.


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## kittencat (Jan 31, 2010)

really hmmm i got a page on there.but im too shy to meet anyone oi vey!


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## Jes (Jan 31, 2010)

IceTeaPrincess said:


> (even going so far as to suggest places to go & days when the date could be) then they end up cancel because something came up or just don't show up.... Rinse & repeat....Rinse & repeat
> .



Guys who want to come out and meet you will come out and meet you. I mean, you were ready and willing to meet them, right? So I think we may not want to overthink this one. I doubt it was about much more than control and the fact that many, many men play on the internet b/c they can't do so in real life. Because they're married. It's exciting to know that there is a part of your life that your SO knows nothing about. And, if you're not meeting these women, you can tell yourself it's harmless. It's exciting. It's a bit taboo. It makes you feel sexy and wanted. And when you're with 1 person, the idea of being wanted by someone else is incredibly exciting. These guys (the ones who cancel) aren't going to cheat on their wives (b/c the cheaters WILL show up and bang you!)--they just want to know that *IF* they ever chose to cheat, someone else would want them. Know what I mean? They want to get the phone number, even though they know they'll never call. They want to KNOW they could've gotten you, but they don't have to break their marriage vows. They just want to know that if they did, you (or someone else) would be there. 

That's my best guess about the cancel guys. 

I've even been told by someone that these guys might well be thinking WE are playing those games too. It's the internet! You're typing away all night to a stranger--of course it's fantasy, right? I mean, I know it is, you know it is...oh, wait, you don't know? Because I think some guys DO think we're just married and playing at night too, for a little non-vow-breaking fun.


You wanna freak your shit out? Join the Ashley Madison dating site some time. *YIKES*


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## Weirdo890 (Jan 31, 2010)

Reading this thread makes me think I should either avoid internet date sites or avoid dating in general. I'm sorry for all of you ladies who had a bad experience in that area.


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## superodalisque (Jan 31, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I met my current bf on POF. He flat out stated in his profile that he preferred BBW...but said it in a nice way as not to offend women that are not BBW.
> I liked that part
> I have also had luck with CL sometimes. Just nothing that ever panned out for very long. Met a guy I dated for about five weeks on Match.com.
> Also dated a guy that is now my friend on a site called Large and Lovely- he was actually the only hit I got on that site. Have always had a big response on CL though but spend most of my time "weeding" *shrugs*
> ...



same here. the BBW sites seem to have a lot of non locals who hit on your ad. it gives me the impression that a lot of the guys on there are closeted and prefer someone out of town or either they are so weird no fat girl in town will touch them. also it seemed to me the guys on the BBW sites or more fetishy or just plain only sexually interested. they always want to know "what are you into" if you're BDSM, feedee, feeder, if you squash. personally i just want a man who wants a woman. i find more of those on the other sites. even the guys who post on both kinds of sites seem to approach differently and with more respect than on size specific sites. is this anyone else's experience?


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## olwen (Jan 31, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I met my current bf on POF. He flat out stated in his profile that he preferred BBW...but said it in a nice way as not to offend women that are not BBW.
> I liked that part
> I have also had luck with CL sometimes. Just nothing that ever panned out for very long. Met a guy I dated for about five weeks on Match.com.
> Also dated a guy that is now my friend on a site called Large and Lovely- he was actually the only hit I got on that site. Have always had a big response on CL though but spend most of my time "weeding" *shrugs*
> ...



Oh here there are a ton of guys. This is NYC after all. The quality just isn't there for whatever reason. My friend keeps telling me I should look up state, but I'm convinced there'd be even fewer men to choose from.

There are more guys on non-bbw dating sites, but those guys just aren't interested in dating bbws. Maybe it's just a matter of location. It could be true that us fatties would have better luck on non bbw dating sites, but only if you live in a certain area. Not true for NYC tho. C'est la vie.


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## Cors (Jan 31, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> same here. the BBW sites seem to have a lot of non locals who hit on your ad. it gives me the impression that a lot of the guys on there are closeted and prefer someone out of town or either they are so weird no fat girl in town will touch them. also it seemed to me the guys on the BBW sites or more fetishy or just plain only sexually interested. they always want to know "what are you into" if you're BDSM, feedee, feeder, if you squash. personally i just want a man who wants a woman. i find more of those on the other sites. even the guys who post on both kinds of sites seem to approach differently and with more respect than on size specific sites. is this anyone else's experience?



As a small FFA, I used to go on a BBW dating site (it didn't work out because most women on there are straight or live too far away) and a few women I ended up talking to told me that they are relieved that I don't ask them questions about gaining or squashing so I guess your experience must be pretty common. 

Many people find it easier to talk about their fetishes online, and if it is important to them (or if they are just hoping to get lucky), I can see why they want to ask ASAP. It could also be that many of the guys who do go on BBW sites don't actually go out to meet them in real life and base their assumptions on what they see on paysites.


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## OhLaLaSoSexy (Feb 1, 2010)

olwen said:


> Oh here there are a ton of guys. This is NYC after all. The quality just isn't there for whatever reason. My friend keeps telling me I should look up state, but I'm convinced there'd be even fewer men to choose from.
> 
> There are more guys on non-bbw dating sites, but those guys just aren't interested in dating bbws. Maybe it's just a matter of location. It could be true that us fatties would have better luck on non bbw dating sites, but only if you live in a certain area. Not true for NYC tho. C'est la vie.



Eh long island? haha


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## phoenix92901 (Feb 1, 2010)

jewels_mystery said:


> I am thinking about giving up on the bbw sites also. I tend to meet guys that only want to hang out and have sex. It clearly states in my profiles that I am not looking for a friend with benefits. What happened with taking a lady out??? Did I miss that memo?



You didn't miss that memo. There are plenty of great guys on BBW dating sites. I've been on a couple and gone out on dates with decent guys and even wound up in a relationship for about 2 years (I broke it off for reasons I won't get into on here but he'll make some lucky lady in the Kingston, NY area a GREAT b/f). So don't give up hope.


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## jenboo (Feb 1, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> I am so so so sorry that happened to you, Dreamy. People can be such dickheads sometimes. Seriously.
> 
> But I am also SO glad that you valued yourself enough not to let yourself be treated that way. Good for you for getting up and leaving that jerk! He so didn't deserve you. That is awesome that you stood your ground and didn't let him bully you or steal your self-worth. Men that want to make you feel bad about your body are just control freaks that want to make you hate yourself so you're easy to manipulate. And that is inspiring and great that you didn't take that crap from him.
> 
> ...




I have always done this too. Even went on web cam with a fellow and we set up to meet, he saw me and drove away. It was awful.


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## calauria (Feb 1, 2010)

jenboo said:


> I have always done this too. Even went on web cam with a fellow and we set up to meet, he saw me and drove away. It was awful.



What a dumbass!!! Sorry, you had to go through that. Well, you didn't miss nada, anyway.


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## bigmac (Feb 1, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> this is why i usually really take my time before meeting someone. if he can't chat online and talk about things in general like a human being then i'll never meet him. i've belonged to several sites over the years and chatted with tons of people but i only found maybe 3 or 4 appropriate enough to meet in about 6 yrs. they were nice guys but not love matches and all of them are still friends. the best are still people you meet IRL without any net impressions perceptions or expectations. its much harder to go wrong with someone who just comes p to you in public and respectfully just says hi. ...



I'm going to have to disagree and agree. I'll agree IRL is best. That's why I think its best to meet online contacts *as soon as possible*. Its been my experience that you learn more about a person in 20 minutes at the local Starbucks than you do in months of e-mails. This is particularly true regarding that intangible but so important trait -- physical attraction -- and lets face it if there's no physical attraction there's no relationship (not saying its the only thing, or that he or she has to be gorgeous -- just saying there has to be some kind of spark).

I met my wife online a little over two years ago. We exchanged 3 or 4 emails and then met for dinner -- the rest just happened.

Oh and a word of advise -- *use a recent photo* -- you don't want your date's first thought to be damn she doesn't look anything like her profile photo -- not a good start. My first thought was "she looks just like her photo -- cool."


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 2, 2010)

bigmac said:


> I'm going to have to disagree and agree. I'll agree IRL is best. That's why I think its best to meet online contacts *as soon as possible*. Its been my experience that you learn more about a person in 20 minutes at the local Starbucks than you do in months of e-mails. This is particularly true regarding that intangible but so important trait -- physical attraction -- and lets face it if there's no physical attraction there's no relationship (not saying its the only thing, or that he or she has to be gorgeous -- just saying there has to be some kind of spark).
> 
> I met my wife online a little over two years ago. We exchanged 3 or 4 emails and then met for dinner -- the rest just happened.
> 
> Oh and a word of advise -- *use a recent photo* -- you don't want your date's first thought to be damn she doesn't look anything like her profile photo -- not a good start. My first thought was "she looks just like her photo -- cool."



I agree wholeheartedly about the photo thing.....I don't like it when a guy doesn't resemble his picture much- or it's been something of a trial to extract a photo, or two or three, from him.


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## OneWickedAngel (Feb 2, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I agree wholeheartedly about the photo thing.....I don't like it when a guy doesn't resemble his picture much- or it's been something of a trial to extract a photo, or two or three, from him.



The non-resemblance pics are so annoying. Your picture is from age thirty-five and you're clearly forty-five on sight. I change my hairstyle often, so I purposely have shots of my varying styles as well as a full body shot. I won't respond to anyone who does not have a clear face photo, let alone no photo at all. I don't care if the profile says "ask me". If I can post mine, they can post theirs. Quid pro quo or no go.


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## NoWayOut (Feb 2, 2010)

This is just the latest in a long line of idiotic moves from my gender.


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## LovelyLiz (Feb 2, 2010)

This is true. But for the sake of fairness, idiotic moves are in no way gender exclusive.


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## kayrae (Feb 2, 2010)

for reals... because i've done my fair share of asshole behavior


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## RJI (Feb 2, 2010)

Most of the guys i know who say they like BBW don't actually know what a BBW is. They like CHUBBY girls with big boobs, not BBW. So when they meet a BBW they are like wtf and act just like the D-Bag in the OP's post. 

Thats why if you are dating on the internet you need to post recent accurate pictures of yourself to help avoid any issues, and not just of your face like most do.


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## superodalisque (Feb 2, 2010)

RJI said:


> Most of the guys i know who say they like BBW don't actually know what a BBW is. They like CHUBBY girls with big boobs, not BBW. So when they meet a BBW they are like wtf and act just like the D-Bag in the OP's post.
> 
> Thats why if you are dating on the internet you need to post recent accurate pictures of yourself to help avoid any issues, and not just of your face like most do.



that is a good point. i've looked through dating sites and most pix are headshots and from above. i actually had a lot of supportive compliments from men who aren't attracted to BBWs for posting an honest pic and not looking as though i'm ashamed of my size. i guess people do appreciate you being totally honest. i even have the word fat as part of my nick.


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## Weirdo890 (Feb 2, 2010)

RJI said:


> Most of the guys i know who say they like BBW don't actually know what a BBW is. They like CHUBBY girls with big boobs, not BBW. So when they meet a BBW they are like wtf and act just like the D-Bag in the OP's post.
> 
> Thats why if you are dating on the internet you need to post recent accurate pictures of yourself to help avoid any issues, and not just of your face like most do.



Good point. It's sad that they don't know what a BBW is. They should get FA friends to give them the downlow on those type of terms. It's ad to see how many assholes there are out there.


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## bigmac (Feb 2, 2010)

RJI said:


> Most of the guys i know who say they like BBW don't actually know what a BBW is. They like CHUBBY girls with big boobs, not BBW.



Chubby girls with big boobs are a socially acceptable way for guys to enjoy larger women. There's a lot of pressure on young guys to date girls who are acceptable to their social group. So a lot of guys, who many actually desire a truly fat woman, end up dating cute chubby girls (I have to confess I'm speaking from experience). If the guy's desire for a true BBW is strong inevitably the guy gets a bbw/ssbbw on the side. Of course all ends badly.


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