# The Buffie and Fatlane Show



## fatlane (Nov 5, 2005)

Here is where we carry out chat via message board, for all to see. And roll their eyes about. Or not. Whatever.

Buffie will be here any minute. This is a very sincere pumpkin patch. She only shows up in sincere pumpkin patches... with her GREAT pumpkins!


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## Buffie (Nov 5, 2005)

~Blushing Like Mad!~ 

I dunno if I should sing or dance. Is this going to be like Laugh In or more like Johnny Carson? 

Pumpkins, hee hee... That's a new one!


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## Buffie (Nov 5, 2005)

If it's Johnny Carson, I wanna be Ed McMahon.


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## Buffie (Nov 5, 2005)

But if it's like Conan O'Brien, I wanna be Conan because Max is one degree away from Bruce Springsteen and that's WAY too close for comfort. You can be the hot bald guy who plays trumpet, ohkay?


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## Buffie (Nov 5, 2005)

*Tap*Tap*Tap*... Is this thing on? (chirp..chirp...chirp...chirp...chirp...)


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## fatlane (Nov 5, 2005)

AND WE'RE BACK!

Damn, but there was drama in my life just then. No comment, you 'll read all about it in the Enquirer next week, no doubt.


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## fatlane (Nov 5, 2005)

Man, what they say about timing being everything... it's true!


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## fatlane (Nov 5, 2005)

Well, we'll close out tonight's show with West African rap sensation Bisso na Bisso and their smash hit, _Le R&#234;ve Africain_.

Let's give it up for Bisso na Bisso!

(APPLAUSE)


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## Emma (Nov 5, 2005)

Well that was urm *interesting*.


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## Buffie (Nov 5, 2005)

You can't be all vague like that and NOT give us some details, Fatlane. That won't get ratings. Come on, pony up the goods mister. 

~Waves to Em!~


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## Emma (Nov 5, 2005)

*waves*


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## fatlane (Nov 5, 2005)

Magical crowd interaction, just magical. And that's why we're the Queens of Late Night.

(off mike)What? I actually said that? Oh well, we'll use it for the anniversary shows.(back on mike)

All right, if you must know, I had an altercation with the studio next door, where they're shooting a new teevee show called "Toothpicks", starring Calista Flockhart, Lindsay Lohan, Teri Hatcher, and the Olsen Twins. Anyway, I thought I'd prank them by ordering a big bakery order delivered to the set. We're talking cake, donuts, muffins, loads of carbs. Loads of carbs.

Anyway, so the caterers show up, lay it all out, and it looks GOOD. The crew love it. Then the starlets walk in, and WHAM! The stuff hits the industrial-size fan, I'm telling you. 

That's right, they were taking it all personally. I mean, COME ON. It was a joke. A stunt. Just a gag. That's right, it was a harmless little dimestore gag, like a whoopee cushion or one of those fake bloody thumbs.

Not the shock gum. That stuff can kill, I'm telling you. But back to the story. It's a joke, a jape, a prank, that's all. And these self-righteous... TWIGS... that's what they are... wood with ATTITUDE... Anyway, they're all in a tizzy over this. 

And they didn't even TRY the eclairs. 

I mean, say what you want about the muffins. I'm not much of a muffin man, I admit. The kids sing the song and I tell 'em I don't have a clue about this shady muffin character. But my point is that not everyone likes muffins, and I can understand that, having experienced it first-hand.

But these eclairs are fantastic. Fan-duper-super-tastic. To any normal person, we're looking at sheer ecsatsy in ONE bite. One bite. And these, not even boughs, really. Flat-out deadwood twigs. Probably going to get osteoperosis, when you think about it, which is a darn cryin' shame, but these twigs are ordering the whole mess gets tossed in the can, and that's where I step in. 

I say, "Hey, this is a joke, sorry you don't have a sense of humor, but don't take it out on the baked goods." I said that. _I_ said that. What they said is unrepeatable, but the short of it is, I stood up for the pastries and all and saved them from an underutilized fate and brought them all here. If everyone looks under their seat, you'll find a donut or some such pastry on a plate.

Good grief, I'm not gonna put stuff like that on the floor. COME ON, I'm tellin' ya.

So, enjoy the fine baked goods and there's enough for seconds. 

Take that, Oprah!


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## fatlane (Nov 5, 2005)

Willl you now please welcome, straight from Mali, Amadou et Mariam, with "Senegal Fast Food"!

(Applause for this great band)


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## ataraxia (Nov 5, 2005)

*honk honk beep beep honk beep honk*

*Opera singing*

...and that was something completely different.


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## fatlane (Nov 5, 2005)

Tune in tomorrow night when will have Nick Glick and His Scaled Fish, a musical treat for everyone.

They say you can't tune a fish, Nick Glick shows how it's done. 

We'll also send our roving correspondent Buffie on over to the set of "Boston Legal" to see if she can land a part as Candice Bergen's secretary, in case the writers of that show want to have a hand at that gag again...


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## Buffie (Nov 5, 2005)

Candace Bergen!?! Icky. I don't wanna. What if she tries to hug me with her Murphy Brown hair? It looks like crunchy blown dry straw. It might be abrasive, what if I get scratched? Will I get worker's comp?

Hungry people are grumpy, that's probably why your prank bombed. Ever think of that? I used to do hair and make up for this topless cabaret and one of the dancers looked just like an Olsen twin. True story! She was short, thin, blonde, wide mouth, big eyes, right age and HUGE PLASTIC BOOBIES! She could do tricks with them, too. One involved a Maglight, but it really requires a visual to properly explain. Fun times. 

Ohmigawd, we have two viewers! Wowee! Hi (again) Em! Hi Ataraxia! Geraldo doesn't even have that many fans. He doesn't care if people like him or not anyway. He likes himself enough for everyone. 

I did know a joke, but I forgot it. Sorry. Gotta run! COPS is coming on in a few!! Bad boys bad boys, whacha gonna do? Whacha gonna do when they come for you?


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## fatlane (Nov 5, 2005)

Buffie the Buffmeister, ladies and gentlefrogs, Buffie the Buffmeister. You can catch her all this week at the Copacabana in Hoboken, New Jersey.

(to band leader) Boy, I'd give my eye teeth to see Buffie do that Maglight trick...


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## ataraxia (Nov 5, 2005)

*boom boom boom BOOM*

This is way more fun than that Bunion thread.


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## fatlane (Nov 5, 2005)

Ataraxia, I think because of your onomatopoeic posts, you're the likeliest candidate for "Kooky Band Leader".

But Buffie sits next to ME, got that?

(Commercial break ends)

... and we're back! Time now to go out into the audience and find out something interesting about Joe Studio Viewer.

OK, raise your hand if you're a professional streaker. (Hands go up) Wow, that's a lot. OK, well, I'll take you on the third row. Would you please tell the folks here and at home who you are and how long you've been streaking for a living?


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## Buffie (Nov 5, 2005)

Hoboken! I like that word! So many fun things you could do with it. Trust me, Fatlane, that word is a zillion times more fun than the Maglite trick. Besides, I did try that once, and apparently a girl of my errr.. my uhh.. ummm, uh erm...ahem, my _stature_ would require a million candle power version, and that might prove painful. The whole thing is very, how do you say... Beavis-and-Butthead anyway. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but this is a family show. 

Atraxia, you need to be fitted for your cigarette smoking monkey costume. You're the new drummer. The old monkey had bad timing.

Her name was Buffie, she was fluffy, 
with PINK feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there 
she would merengue and eat the tacos
and while she tried to be a star 
Fatlane always tended bar 
across the crowded floor, they worked from 8 til 4 
they were young and they had each other 
who could ask for more? 

CHORUS: 

At the copa (CO!) Copacabana (Copacabana) 
the hottest spot north of Havana (here) 
at the copa (CO!) Copacabana 
music and passion were always the fashion 
At the copa.... they ate pizzaaaaaa...


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## fatlane (Nov 6, 2005)

Buffie Buffmeister, ladies and ducks, Buffie Buffmeister.

All that and brains, too, I know what you're saying. It must be too good to be true. Well, that's why she's on TV and you're not.

Always love it when you favor us with a song. For our next segment, I'm going to read to you old Bob and Ray routines while Buffie does a Chinese plate-spinning routine, and you should just SEE how she catches the plates that fall! It's why we're on cable and not broadcast...


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## Buffie (Nov 6, 2005)

Ever since I got my Dish, I never slum in the Free TV anymore (except for Conan and this cheesy show on PBS, but don't tell anyone). Paid TV RAWKS... but it's true what they say, 200 channels and still nothing to watch. F-ing commercials. Lame lame lame. 

Chinese plate spinning... do they have Chinese food on them? :eat1: 

Hey Fatlane... Knock Knock!


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## fatlane (Nov 6, 2005)

I hear you knockers. I mean knocking. Ahem.

Tell you what, we'll put Chinese food on each plate you spin that doesn't wind up broken on the ground and... wow. I have NEVER seen anyone spin a turkey platter...

Looks like she's got the whole dinner service for 8 in rotation, so I'd better start on the Bob and Ray routines...

RAY: Ah, there's good news today, friends.

BOB: Good news for you, folks, bad news for us.

RAY: We've done it again, and our loss is your gain.

BOB: You see, in anticipation of the Easter season, we laid in a large supply of chocolate rabbits.

RAY: These were the best chocolate rabbits money could buy. Each one was genuine chocolate, all chocolate.

BOB: Each one had a purple ribbon tied around his or her neck.

RAY: Each one was edible, real edible.

BOB: But, through the carelessness of one of our alert uniformed attendants, these chocolate rabbits were stored next to the steampipes in our overstocked surplus warehouse.

RAY: So, we are now able to offer, at a ridiculously low price, exactly twenty gross of genuine, laughably edible, all chocolate wobblies.

BOB: These wobblies are not only appropriate for any season, but the kiddies will have great fun trying to guess what the wobblies are supposed to represent.

RAY: Some of you imaginative youngsters will recognize dinosaurs, wombats and anteaters.

BOB: Others will see pterodactyls, vultures and your mother-in-law.

RAY: But, friends, this is backed up by the Bob and Ray unconditional guarantee...not one of the kiddies will know these were once rabbits.

BOB: Any wobblie mistaken for a wabbit can be returned to the Bob and Ray overstocked surplus warehosue, where the full purchase price will be laughingly returned.

RAY: Never again do we expect to be able to make this amazing offer.

BOB: The warehouse engineers have already removed the steampipes, and with them, our alert uniformed attendant.

RAY: So be the first in your neighborhood to surprise your kiddies after Easter! And remember, each of these edible, all chocolate wobblies has, somewhere in it...a real purple ribbon!

BOB: And that makes an extra surprise that really will give the little nippers a bang...Also pull out any loose teeth that they may have been trying to dislodge.

RAY: So write immediately to "Windfall", New York, New York.

BOB: And say, "we'll bite."


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## fatlane (Nov 6, 2005)

OK, so here's the set. Forgive my lack of accuracy, but I'm working without photographic models on this one... I'll improve over time, of course.


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## Buffie (Nov 6, 2005)

That's fabulous. Remind me to buy you a silly coffee cup for your desk. What's our wardrobe budget, Fatland? 

Tonight: Old Ass Movie Reviews!

Spinal Tap - Mockumentary

Starring: 
The dude who played Lenny
The guy who does voices on the Simpsons
and Jamie Lee Curtis' British husband

Spinal Taps goes on tour where they encounter exploding drummers, mini Stonehenges and Fran Drescher. 

Highlights: Big Bottom - a song dedicated to fat chicks. Talk about bum cakes, his girl's got em.

Lowlights: None, really.

One a scale of 1 to 10... everyone say it with me... This Movie Goes to 11!

Preferably viewed in the company of your favorite stoner-metal-head friends. 

Next Episode: Make Up Tips and Competitive Shoe Shopping

Back to you, Fatchance!


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## fatlane (Nov 6, 2005)

Coffee cup... yeah, we can afford that. I'll get the interns on it right away. You could use a box of tacos, yourself.

And, yes, talk about mud flaps, this girl's got 'em!

Now, about that Chinese food... you got a lot coming after that plate stunt. You want it all now, or the installment plan? I think you got 57 plates coming, including two turkey platters.

And that shoe-shopping segment... ha ha ha... there's a funny story that goes with that, but I'll have to get clearance from legal before I can use it on the air.

Coming up next, Buffie sits on my lap while the rest of you watch commercials. Then we interview some guy with animals that _hopefully_ won't take a dump on my desk this time.

Honestly, we need to start getting guys here from botanical gardens. Plants don't poop...


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## fatlane (Nov 6, 2005)

OK, so I spent some more time on this one. I need to work at drawing men more... I've practiced so much with women... :eat2: 

And, yes, there's a coffee mug... and a story to go with it, too!


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## Buffie (Nov 6, 2005)

What's up with the mug? 

Animals... We can bring pets to work!!? YAY!!! Whoo h...waitaminit... does that mean Paris Hilton can get a job here???? :shocked: Fastlane! NO!

Unless she plans on sharing her shoes and handbags, and in that case, she stay. She also has to tolerate some jokes about her South Park episode. Stupid Spoiled Whore! LOL  

Here's my pet! He likes to eat chicken. What pet are you bringing, Fablane? 

View attachment BuffieFeedsATiger.JPG


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## fatlane (Nov 6, 2005)

I'd volunteer Paris, but I wouldn't want your poor tigger to choke on all those bones of hers... So I think I'll divert some of the wardrobe budget to the "meat for pets Buffie brings to the show" budget.

And I think AnnMarie wants to be on the show. Whaddya think? Can we get a job for her? Maybe she could do the weather and traffic. For weather: she can wear a white t-shirt and stand in a downpour. Traffic will result as she walks along the street...


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## ataraxia (Nov 6, 2005)

fatlane said:


> RAY: Some of you imaginative youngsters will recognize dinosaurs, wombats and anteaters.


I _so_ love seeing my name applied to this line. It's definitely the kind of thing I would actually say - probably becuase of the wombats.


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## fatlane (Nov 6, 2005)

Your name is Ray? Great! I'll change mine to "Bob", and we won't need to modify the classic bits. YES!

Not only can I spot talent, but I can spot talent with the right names!

OK< I gotta sign off for now. Fatigue taking over... must... get... rest...

(Actually, the Britcoms just started and I usually pass out after Chef!...


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## AnnMarie (Nov 6, 2005)

fatlane said:


> I'd volunteer Paris, but I wouldn't want your poor tigger to choke on all those bones of hers... So I think I'll divert some of the wardrobe budget to the "meat for pets Buffie brings to the show" budget.
> 
> And I think AnnMarie wants to be on the show. Whaddya think? Can we get a job for her? Maybe she could do the weather and traffic. For weather: she can wear a white t-shirt and stand in a downpour. Traffic will result as she walks along the street...




LOL, super. I already have the outfit. 

View attachment pow0530.jpg


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## ataraxia (Nov 6, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Your name is Ray? Great! I'll change mine to "Bob", and we won't need to modify the classic bits. YES!
> 
> Not only can I spot talent, but I can spot talent with the right names!
> 
> ...


You gave me fear. The word "chef" as a name is scary. You don't want to know why.

Here's a fun picture, just randomly. It's even fat.


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## fatlane (Nov 7, 2005)

OK, so we now have a new segment where Ray does prep work in famous kitchens and deliberately makes mistakes to infuriate the head chef...


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## fatlane (Nov 7, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> LOL, super. I already have the outfit.



I can hear the tires squealing already. You're hired.


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 7, 2005)

Hi this is shy little Karoline....and I am glad to meet you all! Can I do a stupid people trick for ya all??? Believe me it is a good one.......


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## Buffie (Nov 7, 2005)

I'd definately hire Ann Marie, and not just cuz she's sexy. Did you know she's really smart and keen? Yuh huh, she is. Boys don't usually notice things like that about hot chicks, that's why I'm pointing it out. 

Ohmigawd, Ann Marie! I have that shirt!! But it looks better on you... and wet. Hee hee! Two snaps up!

Ohmigawd, Atraxia! I have that puffer fish!! Just kiddin. That's wierd though. I like it. Wierd like Bjork, not wierd like Tom Green. Just so you know.

Is it a bar trick, Karoline!? I LOVE bar tricks! Or is it a card trick? I like those too! Do you use a hula hoop? Show me show me show me show me show me show me show me show me show me show me show me show me (Fatlane says: Buffie, your pills?) show me show me show me show me show me!!!


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## Buffie (Nov 7, 2005)

Tonight's Topic... 

WHAT is David Gest (not who...what)? Male, female? Human, android, wax? People are all up in arms about gay marriage, well what about the marriage between him(it?) and Liza? What kind of marriage was that because it certainly wasn't 'straight'. Well??? WELL???


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## fatlane (Nov 7, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> Hi this is shy little Karoline....and I am glad to meet you all! Can I do a stupid people trick for ya all??? Believe me it is a good one.......




OK. Fire away. If it's good, we'll run it tonight. If not, we'll ask if you can make coffee.


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## fatlane (Nov 7, 2005)

Buffie said:


> I'd definately hire Ann Marie, and not just cuz she's sexy. Did you know she's really smart and keen? Yuh huh, she is. Boys don't usually notice things like that about hot chicks, that's why I'm pointing it out.
> 
> Ohmigawd, Ann Marie! I have that shirt!! But it looks better on you... and wet. Hee hee! Two snaps up!
> 
> ...


Next time she gets excited like that, I want a close-up of her boobs.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 7, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Next time she gets excited like that, I want a close-up of her boobs.




They bounce, I've seen it in person.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 7, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> Hi this is shy little Karoline....and I am glad to meet you all! Can I do a stupid people trick for ya all??? Believe me it is a good one.......



Woo-hoo, I love tricks!!


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## AnnMarie (Nov 7, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Tonight's Topic...
> 
> WHAT is David Gest (not who...what)? Male, female? Human, android, wax? People are all up in arms about gay marriage, well what about the marriage between him(it?) and Liza? What kind of marriage was that because it certainly wasn't 'straight'. Well??? WELL???




He's wax. I'm positive.


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## fatlane (Nov 7, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Tonight's Topic...
> 
> WHAT is David Gest (not who...what)? Male, female? Human, android, wax? People are all up in arms about gay marriage, well what about the marriage between him(it?) and Liza? What kind of marriage was that because it certainly wasn't 'straight'. Well??? WELL???



Man, that's messed up. Personally, I think he's Michael Jackson's secret lover. They look alike, and they look like they'd like each other. If not lovers, then at least they swap plastic surgery stories.

And Liza... Lizalizalizalizaliza... We tried to book her for this show but when she found out we wanted to probe into her marriage, all I can say is

OUCH!

Not a happy camper, that Liza Minelli.

Stay tuned, folks, we've got Midival Punditz later on in the show for you with their blend of Indian classical and techno-chill music. Don't miss it. 

(theme, cut to commercial)

Buffie, are you ready for the pie-throwing sketch?

(commercial over)

... and we're back! In our next segment, we're going to take a look at the noble cream pie and its incredible comic utility.

Buffie, if you'll do the honors...


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## fatlane (Nov 7, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> They bounce, I've seen it in person.



Exactly as I suspected. We'll use it in promos for the show. Should be awesome.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 7, 2005)

Buffie said:


> I'd definately hire Ann Marie, and not just cuz she's sexy. Did you know she's really smart and keen? Yuh huh, she is. Boys don't usually notice things like that about hot chicks, that's why I'm pointing it out.



Heh. Keen, I aspire to keen.


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## fatlane (Nov 7, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> Heh. Keen, I aspire to keen.



Next step up from that is _peachy_ keen.


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## ataraxia (Nov 7, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Ohmigawd, Atraxia! I have that puffer fish!! Just kiddin. That's wierd though. I like it. Wierd like Bjork, not wierd like Tom Green. Just so you know.


Bjork rules.

And the pufferfish is from a T-shirt too. He's called "Puffy the Blowfish" and he's the mascot for the Operating System OpenBSD. If you didn't understand that, then just forget it and look at this shirt instead:


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## fatlane (Nov 7, 2005)

That is one pimpin' blowfish, kids!

Our next guests need no introduction!


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## Buffie (Nov 7, 2005)

> He's wax. I'm positive.


 I _knew_ it! 

I also like FatTire's Michael Jackson theory. Verrry interesting. Do we have a scientific research department? Can we get a french-fry research department? How about a taco department? 

I'd like the producers to review my interview list, please. Book these guests ASAP, but not necessarily in this order...
Benecio Del Toro
Gary Oldman
Vince Vaughn
Simon LeBon
All the blonde guys from Poison
Sean Connery
Trent Reznor
Ryan Gosling 
and Vin Diesel

Chop chop people. So little time, so many boys to make out with... errr, I mean INTERVIEW. Has anyone seen my Altoids?


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## fatlane (Nov 7, 2005)

If you book them, I'm booking Anna Nicole on the night you do a massive taco project, to see if she cracks and abandons TrimSpa with, well, abandon.

Come on, Anna Nicole! We're all waiting for you to come on back. Just keep eating, so we don't have to listen to you talk!

Meanwhile, I think we can book about 26 "I'm Fat and I have a Paysite"-themed shows. I think it's an interesting cultural phenomenon the kids out there are greatly interested in, and you know it's all about the 18-49 demographic.


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## fatlane (Nov 8, 2005)

Notice we only have the one cameraman...


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## fatlane (Nov 8, 2005)

We only NEED one cameraman...


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## fatlane (Nov 8, 2005)

... for reasons that are now obvious...


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## Buffie (Nov 8, 2005)

Anna Nicole?!?! I love her. I don't care that she Trip-Spa'd herself down to nothing, she's still beautiful. She's not gonna eat the tacos, so I will. No problem. 
We only have one camerman? Lame. Is David LaChapelle available?


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## Buffie (Nov 8, 2005)

Yes yes... nice though it is.


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## fatlane (Nov 8, 2005)

Folks at home don't seem to mind the one camera...


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## AnnMarie (Nov 8, 2005)

Clearly you've never been around Conrad and a bevy of fat beauties. He's European and very well-behaved, a gentleman on all counts (not saying there isn't more going on in his head!).... I'd be shocked as hell if I heard a "WOW" out of him. 

LOL


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## fatlane (Nov 8, 2005)

So would I, since I only know him on these forums. Never heard him speak, really. No sound on the forums. Hence my shock at hearing him.

It's all for humor... exaggeration for comic effect. 

Speaking of which, POLL in this forum!!! Everybody go vote! NOW!!!


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 10, 2005)

fatlane said:


> OK. Fire away. If it's good, we'll run it tonight. If not, we'll ask if you can make coffee.


I can make coffee too....I am good at multi-tasking!!!!!
So here you go.............Karoline's stupid people trick!!!!!
Look Buffie....NO HANDS!!!!


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## fatlane (Nov 10, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> I can make coffee too....I am good at multi-tasking!!!!!
> So here you go.............Karoline's stupid people trick!!!!!
> Look Buffie....NO HANDS!!!!



(APPLAUSE!)

Look ma, no nipples! :shocked: 

You're hired! Just don't do that with a hot pot of coffee...

Now I have to stare some more. I love my job.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 10, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> I can make coffee too....I am good at multi-tasking!!!!!
> So here you go.............Karoline's stupid people trick!!!!!
> Look Buffie....NO HANDS!!!!




Wow, neat trick!!!  Although my mind immediately wanders to what made you discover such a talent! lol


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## fatlane (Nov 10, 2005)

My mind just wanders... Maybe I need to expand the format of the show to get you and Karoline in there. That would also necessitate a title change... I need to meet with the Executive Producers on this one...


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## Buffie (Nov 11, 2005)

Are those what I think they are?? Are they? Are they M&Ms? :eat1: 

I wanna learn that trick Karoline! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me!  

Sorry. I got excited. It's the candy. AND it was a boob trick. I'm partial to boob tricks. Although tricks that involve fire also interest me, but there's a time and place for everything. I know a card trick. Oh, I can also do this thing, and it sorta involves fire... and those little plastic swords they put in your drinks. It's a fun trick, but it doesn't score NEARLY as many free beverages as boob tricks do. 

Make-up Tip of the Day... Revlon's new Fabulash mascara... really is Fab! And it's hella cheaper than Lancome's. Considering how much I wear, the savings are significant. And yes... Lancome and L'oreal are indeed sister companies (Cosmair, Inc.), just in case anyone was wondering. Wanna know something else? Estee Lauder owns just about all of it's 'competition' except for Lancome, Chanel, Elizabeth Arden and a tiny handful of others. MAC is even owned by Lauder now, much as I hate to admit that. Although fat-hater Elizabeth Hurley is no longer their spokes-face. If you buy any of the following, it's Lauder... Clinique, Prescriptives, Origins, Stila, Aveda and even Jane (found in Wal-Mart and drug stores). Freaky, eh? Yeah, even cosmetics are political. What a shame.

I bet Elizabeth Hurley can't do a damn thing with her boobs. HA! In her face! 

Back to you, Fatlord!


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## fatlane (Nov 11, 2005)

Elizabeth Hurley has boobs? Get outta here! Where?

Can you do a card trick with your boobs? Think about it... You got a lot of places you could stash them...


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 11, 2005)

fatlane said:


> (APPLAUSE!)
> 
> Look ma, no nipples! :shocked:
> 
> ...



I'm HIRED>?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Oh WOW...wow...wow....wow...
When do I start...I will work for M & M's...well...you may want to pay me instead...I REALLY like M & M's..lol:eat2: 
I promise to never do the trick with a hot pot of coffee .....Cross my heart...

Yeah I can't believe how well i was able to hide my nipples too....Damn that candy is amazing...it does so much.......It should have a holiday named after it....

THANKS!!


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 11, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> Wow, neat trick!!!  Although my mind immediately wanders to what made you discover such a talent! lol


Now AnnMarie....you know a girl can't tell all of her secrets...lol.....you have to get me drunk first...then I will tell ya all my secrets....lol


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 11, 2005)

fatlane said:


> My mind just wanders... Maybe I need to expand the format of the show to get you and Karoline in there. That would also necessitate a title change... I need to meet with the Executive Producers on this one...


Oh to be linked in name to the big Buffster....the fame and glory.....
Here's a tought for you....if we put Buffie's, AnnMaries's and my boobs together....what size cup would it be......................
Buffie is a what??? ZZZ?
I am a DDD
and AnnMarie is a ???
Is there a math equation out there to figure that out....??
I was watching Numbers...can you tell? lol


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 11, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Are those what I think they are?? Are they? Are they M&Ms? :eat1:
> 
> I wanna learn that trick Karoline! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me! Teach me!
> 
> ...



I may teach you....dammit .......if we ever meet...we will have to work on that.
You will ahve to teach me one of your tricks too....We will swap!

And where the heck did you get all this info on Makeup and stuff...you are a true fountain of knowledge.....


----------



## fatlane (Nov 11, 2005)

Maybe it should now be "The BigCuties and Fatlane Show". That would mean a new thread... whaddya say, ladies?


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## AnnMarie (Nov 11, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Maybe it should now be "The BigCuties and Fatlane Show". That would mean a new thread... whaddya say, ladies?




LOL, it's a nice idea, but that name really wouldn't wash outside the proper board, if you know what I'm sayin'.

And this thread wouldn't be much fun in the place the name would be ok... so I think you're ok just leaving it as is. 

ALSO, if you ever need to change the title to something else, you just do the "edit" and "go advanced" deal, you can change it there.


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## fatlane (Nov 11, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> LOL, it's a nice idea, but that name really wouldn't wash outside the proper board, if you know what I'm sayin'.
> 
> And this thread wouldn't be much fun in the place the name would be ok... so I think you're ok just leaving it as is.
> 
> ALSO, if you ever need to change the title to something else, you just do the "edit" and "go advanced" deal, you can change it there.



1. I actually have no idea what you're saying, but, OK. It'll stay Buffie and Fatlane Show, but you and Karoline are implied as honorary Buffies.

2. Seriously, are you inebriated right now? Because you're not making a lot of sense in that second part. I may be stoned out of my mind if you're not. If I _am_, then I need to retrace my steps to see how I got that way... all I had tonight was Indian food and a cardamom biscuit...

3. Maybe you sobered up for this one, because I understand it. It's moot for this thread, on account of the partially-understood #1.

Now for a picture to celebrate the new lineup...


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## fatlane (Nov 11, 2005)

NEW for fall 2005!


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## AnnMarie (Nov 12, 2005)

I mean you can't name some big ol' thread with a paysite name outside the paysite board. It's basically like advertising, and that's a no-no. 

And if you put it on the paysite board, it would suck, because no one there wants to read it (not that anyone here probably is either). 

And no, I'm not drunk... I can't answer about your situation though. 

You get me now?

And the pic is great... LOL


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## Obesus (Nov 12, 2005)

Very Post-Post-Postmodern (I lost count somewhere during the 90's! ROFL) :doh: 



fatlane said:


> NEW for fall 2005!


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## fatlane (Nov 12, 2005)

_Momma's gonna worry...
I been a bad, bad boy...
No use sayin' sorry...
It's something that I enjoy..._

OK, so we're supported by a grant from the Annenberg Foundation and by viewers like YOU. Gotcha.

Trust me, if there's pics, there's viewers.

I got you, babe. 

I think the name will stand. "Buffie and Fatlane and Friends" is just too cumbersome, and folks are bound to think Scrappy-Doo is somewhere in the mix there, which just isn't true. 

WE ARE 100% SCRAPPY-DOO FREE!


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## Buffie (Nov 12, 2005)

Well... AnnMarie... I may very well be half-baked, but *I* got what you were sayin. I'll splain it to our Fatlatte, later.  

Karoline, you gonna be at the Heavenly Bodies New Years event? Cuz I could see you there.  

Oh my Funkylane! You're so rad! Supercool pic! Spank you! Spank you so very much!!! 

I won at Trivial Pursuit AGAIN toinght. You may all fall at my feet and worship me now. Please watch the drool. Leather shoes... 

Minsky's pizza in KC has the BEST FRIED CHEESE EVER! Really, it was sooo good I'll probably dream about it tonight. There should be some sort of fried cheese taco. Can I have a cooking-experiment segment? Buffie's Fried Cheese Tacos... BufFriChacos! That's catchy. I like it!! :eat2:


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 12, 2005)

I am so loving the pic! Amazing job....
Good call on the "no name change" plan....I think it just wouldn't be the same.
Ithink that AnnMarie has still lost me.....somewhere.....leave an M&M trail for me next time.....


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## KittyG122 (Nov 12, 2005)

I saw this poll and then i clicked on your picture, you are the epitome of waht i would hope to be!!! You are very pretty....


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## Buffie (Nov 12, 2005)

M&M trail... mmmm... I'd follow an M&M trail. Hey Karoline, did ya notice that some sad sorry so and so gave us a crap rating and knocked us down to 3 stars? To that person I say  . Not gonna stop us from having our fun. So    

To KittyG122 I say    ! That was very sweet of you! Thank you!!! 


Yesterday must've been crappy for some people because several of them are taking it out on me. I got shitty messages from fat haters at my myspace mail and someone else on another forum said equally rude stuff. I don't get it, folks. Their comments won't make me stop being who I am and they won't make me quit doing what I do. Pointless but utterly annoying. GRRRR!!!

Fat folks and FAs unite! Hug a hater today. It confuses them and that's fun!  

My first hug goes to whomever gave our fun silly thread a poo-poo rating. Hugs and Snuggles all over your jealous butt!  And a word of advice... Don't take ya-self so seriously. Ohkay, like seriously.


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## fatlane (Nov 12, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Well... AnnMarie... I may very well be half-baked, but *I* got what you were sayin. I'll splain it to our Fatlatte, later.
> 
> Karoline, you gonna be at the Heavenly Bodies New Years event? Cuz I could see you there.
> 
> ...




MAKE THOSE TACOS! NOW!

Please. Both before and after the spanking.

(Bites knuckle of right forefinger...)


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## fatlane (Nov 12, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> I am so loving the pic! Amazing job....
> Good call on the "no name change" plan....I think it just wouldn't be the same.
> Ithink that AnnMarie has still lost me.....somewhere.....leave an M&M trail for me next time.....



Glad all you ladies like it! 

Or can I call you gals? I don't want to come off as condescending. Heaven forefend I should condescend to your level. No, wait, I meant - 

(HR GOON POUNDS ON MY DRESSING ROOM DOOR)

I have to take an unexpected meeting. Be right back.


----------



## fatlane (Nov 12, 2005)

Buffie said:


> M&M trail... mmmm... I'd follow an M&M trail. Hey Karoline, did ya notice that some sad sorry so and so gave us a crap rating and knocked us down to 3 stars? To that person I say  . Not gonna stop us from having our fun. So
> 
> To KittyG122 I say  ! That was very sweet of you! Thank you!!!
> 
> ...




How can this be an average thread? WE HAVE HOT BABES HERE! That's a plural. No accounting for some people...

Maybe we should have a contest. Write a statement, in 50 words or less, why you think "The Buffie and Fatlane Show" is the best online television variety show, ever.

Winner gets a big goblet of M&Ms. Karoline will, er... _hold_ it for you.


----------



## Buffie (Nov 12, 2005)

> Winner gets a big goblet of M&Ms. Karoline will, er... hold it for you.


    That she can... yes indeedy! 

Average, yeah. What crust. Who could look at AnnMarie or Karoline and think there's anything average about either of them. Just off the top of my head I can think of a zillion NON-average things. They're both brilliant, kind AND gorgeous which leads me to believe twas an envious hand what clicked thy bad rating. 

It's a full moon or something. 

I'm going to the mall with Misse. Hopefully I'll have nachos for lunch. I think I'll get a pedicure, too. No bad mojo for Buffie. Nope nope nope! Not when I have a 40% off everything I buy one-day coupon in Misse's purse. LOL


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## fatlane (Nov 12, 2005)

Happy shopping! Be sure to pick up something special for me, but not at the kinky sex toy shop. I already got all I need from places like that.

And I do not want anyone taking that sentence out of context.

BTW, as of this posting, it looks like your AWESOME and MASSIVE _wits_ are out in front, attracting all the attention. Keep polling, people! Your vote *is* important!


----------



## Buffie (Nov 12, 2005)

It was fine shopping indeed. Although I'm exhausted. We even scored pretty decent parking places, too. Misse tried on about a thousand outfits, out of which she liked maybe 3. LOL Gotta love the Misse, she does not compromise for fashion. I found at least 4 new 'favorite shirts' and one pair of excellent booty-jeans! My ass looks super huge in them, it's FAB! 

I swore I wasn't going to look at purses, but I've been crying about this Michael Kors bag since August. Guess what?! It was ON SALE!!! 

But... I didn't buy it. I know! What's wrong with me? I'm holding out for something better, perhaps. 

Late summer and fall bags were CRAP! All earthtones and shit, gag me. But this Michael Kors was HOT PINK and funky, it spoke to me. I whined about it for weeks. 

(I couldn't buy it in August because it was $230 and I had just bought myself the trip to San Fran and a San Fran wardrobe and some San Fran shoes and maybe also some San Fran make up and you understand, the shopping fund was maxed out, so I fore-went the bag and just regretted the hell out if it.) 

So I see the infamous pink purse today, maked down $50 cheaper and I STILL didn't buy it. I even saw this ADORABLE pink Guess bag (ladies, Guess bags are surprisingly durable and the wild ones go with everything!) but I didn't buy that one either. Misse is worried about me. Know what else is shocking? I didn't buy shoes either. However, I did get two really adorable pairs of shoes in the mail this week. One pair of pink platform thongs and another pair of hot pink and black platform sneakers. Yay! 

We stopped at the MAC counter where I got 3 new Lip Glasses, 6 eyeshadows and 5 more brushes. I forgot to buy new blush because I smelled the new Britney Spears 'Fantasy' and got all excited about getting some of that. It smells REALLY good, fruity, light. Delicious! But I'm going to wait until the holiday sets come out so I can get free goodies. The new Paris Hilton frangrances, however, while they don't reek, they smell surprisingly cheap. Ironic.

What did you do today, FarLand? (Playing with your name is fun, but it's becoming quite a challenge. A little help, anyone?)


----------



## fatlane (Nov 13, 2005)

I wrote a massive political rant for my magazine. Hope the editor likes it. Now I need to work on more pixxen of plus-size vixxen...

You should have gotten the bag. You're going to kick yourself for not doing it, later. And why did you pass up on the shoes? Honestly, hon, if you're not going to buy shoes for yourself, WHO IS???


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## Buffie (Nov 13, 2005)

I wanna read your rant. Are you a democrat, republican, libertarian, vegetarian or octogenarian? 

Not gonna buy the bag. Decided I'd rather spend the money on tacos. 

As for shoes, I put shoe after shoe after shoe on my goodie lists for my birthday and holidays and get-outta-jail-free gifts, but does anyone buy them? NO! Dammit. I love my family and I love my friends, but sometimes I think they don't listen (READ) very well. 

For example, there's this pair of Christian Louboutin pink canvas and python mary-jane platform slingbacks... Excuse me, I have to get something with which to wipe up the drool. Anyway, they're the shoes you dream about, lust after, obsess over. Yes, they're THAT adorable. ~Sigh~ 

Back to your rant... what's it about?


----------



## MissToodles (Nov 13, 2005)

I think Buffie should give her audience makeovers, perhaps buffie-fy us ?


----------



## Buffie (Nov 13, 2005)

Ohhhmigawd, that's a FABULOUS idea, Miss Toodles!!! It'd be like a Mega-Slumber Party!!! 
You're too clever! Great idea! Seriously!!! 
Who's bringing the tacos!? :eat2: 

~Girlie Squeals!~
~Buffie


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## fatlane (Nov 14, 2005)

Buffie said:


> I wanna read your rant. Are you a democrat, republican, libertarian, vegetarian or octogenarian?
> 
> Not gonna buy the bag. Decided I'd rather spend the money on tacos.
> 
> ...



Libertarian. I'm Libertarian because I believe in taking liberties with libertines.

If you spent all that money on tacos, what would you have to show for it?

(That previous straight line is PROOF I'm not gay.)

(_That_ previous line leaves my being homophobic in question.)

And, yes, I *do* lust over shoes. It's why I'm so popular with the 35-44 crowd.


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## fatlane (Nov 14, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Ohhhmigawd, that's a FABULOUS idea, Miss Toodles!!! It'd be like a Mega-Slumber Party!!!
> You're too clever! Great idea! Seriously!!!
> Who's bringing the tacos!? :eat2:
> 
> ...



I'll contact the plastic surgeons!


----------



## Buffie (Nov 14, 2005)

Awww, Libertarian! That's so cute! Can I call you FatLib now? What about FatLip? LOL I crack me up. 

Shoe lust knows no age. 

Surgeons. We don't need no stinkin surgeons... unless the chicks want em, that is. But they certainly don't 'need' them. Not at all. Megababes, every last one of em. Baberham Lincolns, Venus De Babensdorfs, TurboBabes, Babe-a-rooty Fresh and Fruities, Jerry's Babes, Babe and Wessons, Babe-a-licioussss, Babeleaders, Haagen Babes, Dolce and GaBABEa... 

Damn I want tacos. Seriously. But Taco Tuesday doesn't officially start for another 19 hours. Sigh...


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## Buffie (Nov 15, 2005)

By the way... don't you owe me a backstory on a certain coffee cup?


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 15, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Glad all you ladies like it!
> 
> Or can I call you gals? I don't want to come off as condescending. Heaven forefend I should condescend to your level. No, wait, I meant -
> 
> ...


I like "ladies"....but it does remind me of when I was little and my mother would say..."LADIES....behave!" (2 sisters hence the plural form!) 
Your not yelling at me are you Fatlane? Cause I cry real easy....sniff......


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 15, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Ohhhmigawd, that's a FABULOUS idea, Miss Toodles!!! It'd be like a Mega-Slumber Party!!!
> You're too clever! Great idea! Seriously!!!
> Who's bringing the tacos!? :eat2:
> 
> ...


Did someone say sleep over? I am in......
I make an awesome taco dip...lots of cheese...will that do ya Buffie?
Oh...and the best damn brownies with icing ofcourse...
and eclairs....from scratch.....real whipped cream and chocolate....
are we having bacon for breakfast...love bacon....

Slumper parties are defined by the amount of food you consume at them aren't they???????:eat1:


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 15, 2005)

fatlane said:


> How can this be an average thread? WE HAVE HOT BABES HERE! That's a plural. No accounting for some people...
> 
> Maybe we should have a contest. Write a statement, in 50 words or less, why you think "The Buffie and Fatlane Show" is the best online television variety show, ever.
> 
> Winner gets a big goblet of M&Ms. Karoline will, er... _hold_ it for you.


Is there a "holder's fee" in this....cause it is my specialty and I don't do it for just anyone.....(only a few lucky ones)
You understand....can't be seen as cheap or anything.....Got this 3 star image (bullpoopy) to uphold and alll!


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 15, 2005)

Buffie said:


> That she can... yes indeedy!
> 
> Average, yeah. What crust. Who could look at AnnMarie or Karoline and think there's anything average about either of them. Just off the top of my head I can think of a zillion NON-average things. They're both brilliant, kind AND gorgeous which leads me to believe twas an envious hand what clicked thy bad rating.
> 
> ...




I'm brilliant? Holy tacos!:doh: I am? Cool! How come no one told me before this? HUH???

Those damn envious hands.....disembodied body parts floating around and clicking havoc with peoples lives...damn them!


----------



## Buffie (Nov 15, 2005)

Oh I like your idea of a slumber party, Karoline. I like it very much. Here I was doing it wrong the whole time, playing the 'who's the first to fall asleep' game and junk. Duh! It IS about the munchies. So completely true. This whole time, I never realized it. My bad, and what a whopper! Mmmmm... Whoppers...mmm... Do they have Whoppers in Canada?


----------



## fatlane (Nov 15, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Awww, Libertarian! That's so cute! Can I call you FatLib now? What about FatLip? LOL I crack me up.
> 
> Shoe lust knows no age.
> 
> ...



You can call me anything you want, just don't call me late to dinner.

SHOE LUST WEEK ON B&F SHOW!!!

No surgeons? Then them boobs are gonna have to get big the natural way... that, or Cambodian breast cream...

Tacos on their way, now!


----------



## fatlane (Nov 15, 2005)

Buffie said:


> By the way... don't you owe me a backstory on a certain coffee cup?



I thought you bought it. You didn't?

THEN HOW DID IT GET HERE???

(This ought to get the audience in for November Sweeps... the Great Coffee Cup Caper!)


----------



## fatlane (Nov 15, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> I like "ladies"....but it does remind me of when I was little and my mother would say..."LADIES....behave!" (2 sisters hence the plural form!)
> Your not yelling at me are you Fatlane? Cause I cry real easy....sniff......



No. I am not yelling. That was the HR goon. I am now instructed to refer to you as "The Talent". 

But if I slip up... will you... Er... better not say it, or this'll get shifted to the story or paysite forum...


----------



## AnnMarie (Nov 15, 2005)

Karoline - 

You can't post your signature outside the paysite board if you're going to leave a website link in it... not allowed. The signature rules are posted on the paysite board, in case you want to take a quick look.

Basically, you can either click off the "show your signature" box under the post area when you're making a message, OR you can edit your signature to remove your website link completely, then it will never be an issue. 

Thanks!


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## fatlane (Nov 15, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> Is there a "holder's fee" in this....cause it is my specialty and I don't do it for just anyone.....(only a few lucky ones)
> You understand....can't be seen as cheap or anything.....Got this 3 star image (bullpoopy) to uphold and alll!






Buffie said:


> Oh I like your idea of a slumber party, Karoline. I like it very much. Here I was doing it wrong the whole time, playing the 'who's the first to fall asleep' game and junk. Duh! It IS about the munchies. So completely true. This whole time, I never realized it. My bad, and what a whopper! Mmmmm... Whoppers...mmm... Do they have Whoppers in Canada?



So who's not voting stars, here? Hmmm... 

Holder's fee? Who's holding who? Let's talk...

SLUMBER PARTY TACO FRENZY COFFEE CUP CAPER ALL THIS MONTH ON THE BUFFIE AND FATLANE SHOW!!! Wheeeeeeeeee!!!

... and you ALWAYS have at least two whoppers with you, wherever you go, Buffie: Your wit and your personality.


----------



## Buffie (Nov 15, 2005)

You said there was something about the writing on the cup. Didn't you? Or did I hallucinate it? That's entirely possible. The weather was much too cold for my delicate self so I fore-went Taco Tuesday tonight. My blood-taco level is so low... I... can't... hardly... type... gasp... gasp........... gasp!


----------



## fatlane (Nov 15, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> Karoline -
> 
> You can't post your signature outside the paysite board if you're going to leave a website link in it... not allowed. The signature rules are posted on the paysite board, in case you want to take a quick look.
> 
> ...



AIIIEEE!!! We're about to be shifted to a timeslot opposite Howard Stern! What about the kids? Is anyone thinking about the kids, here? 

No? 

Oh, well... play on, then...


----------



## Buffie (Nov 15, 2005)

> ... and you ALWAYS have at least two whoppers with you, wherever you go, Buffie: Your wit and your personality.



Haa ha haaa!! Maybe I should rename them (K2 and Everest...aka The Girls) to Wit and Personality. Hilarious and ironic! I like! I like!


----------



## fatlane (Nov 15, 2005)

Buffie said:


> You said there was something about the writing on the cup. Didn't you? Or did I hallucinate it? That's entirely possible. The weather was much too cold for my delicate self so I fore-went Taco Tuesday tonight. My blood-taco level is so low... I... can't... hardly... type... gasp... gasp........... gasp!



I NEED THREE TACO SUPREMES! STAT! I'M LOSING HER! (beep beep beep beep) SOMEBODY GET ME 600ccs OF BEAN BURRITO IN AN IV! (Beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeee)

Gotta do CPR! (Puts hands on the wrongest places possible) Oops. Just couldn't resist... OK, back to the ER! (Waves taco under Buffie's nose) She's reviving! (eeep beep beep beep beep) She's gonna pull thr- OW! Hey, watch it there when you eat the taco, there. Almost took my finger off...


----------



## fatlane (Nov 15, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Haa ha haaa!! Maybe I should rename them (K2 and Everest...aka The Girls) to Wit and Personality. Hilarious and ironic! I like! I like!



Can I write their names on them? (WOW but that would be a big ratings episode!)


----------



## Buffie (Nov 15, 2005)

Oh I do wish I had some Taco Supremes right about now. Wonderful, crunchy tacos... Yes, they do a body good. Love thy name is taco.

Write on them? Not with a ballpoint pen. Felt-tip, only (huh huh huh she said felt huh huh huh) and no Sharpies, unless you use a pink one... I kinda like the purple ones, too.


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## fatlane (Nov 15, 2005)

Pink and purple felt-tips it is! Ballpoint would be just barbaric. I'm not into S and I don't think you're the M type.

Maybe we should consider getting catering done by Mexico in exchange for advertising. What's your sombrero size, Buffie?


----------



## Buffie (Nov 16, 2005)

Mas cerveza porfavor!!! Si si si!!!


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## fatlane (Nov 16, 2005)

WARDROBE! Dos sombreros, aqui! AHORA!

Bienvenidos a "Buffie y Fatlane Gigante"!


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## fatlane (Nov 16, 2005)

OK, got the new sponsor in and everything...


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 16, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> Karoline -
> 
> You can't post your signature outside the paysite board if you're going to leave a website link in it... not allowed. The signature rules are posted on the paysite board, in case you want to take a quick look.
> 
> ...



Sorry AnnMarie....forgot all about the rules:doh: ....never posted anything other than on the pic board on here....so I was confused...thanks for covering my ass and the stern talking to....I will do my very best to remember...... 
please accept my apology...please....not trying to be a bad ass...honest!

Dammit Fatlane...you're supposed to keep me up to date and in the know on this stufff....Where were ya when I needed ya??? Quit staring at Buffies boobs:shocked: and pay attention....lol


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 16, 2005)

fatlane said:


> No. I am not yelling. That was the HR goon. I am now instructed to refer to you as "The Talent".
> 
> But if I slip up... will you... Er... better not say it, or this'll get shifted to the story or paysite forum...



So I am to respond when I hear the word "talent"??
Gottcha!

We will talk about your slip ups at a later session......shhhh.....


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 16, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Oh I like your idea of a slumber party, Karoline. I like it very much. Here I was doing it wrong the whole time, playing the 'who's the first to fall asleep' game and junk. Duh! It IS about the munchies. So completely true. This whole time, I never realized it. My bad, and what a whopper! Mmmmm... Whoppers...mmm... Do they have Whoppers in Canada?



Oh we got Whoppers miss Buffie.........
It is not the ends of the earth....lol
you can even get cheese on them..... 

The slumber party....so glad I could point you in the right direction........
Maybe we should weigh everyone coming in the door and then on the way out then we could declare a true winner.........
Would be the fair thing to do.....
Do we have the man power for that Fatlane?
I will cater.....as long as someone does my nails afterwards......


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 16, 2005)

fatlane said:


> OK, got the new sponsor in and everything...


your good at this thing...all this hidden talent.....and the time spent...now I know you are dedicated to the show.....


----------



## Buffie (Nov 17, 2005)

~Squeal!!~ More kickass art! HOW do you do it, Farlane? Are people just born artistic? Seriously, I wonder. I'm buying a blank to your blank as soon as I can remember what blank's blankword is on his blankpal. Do you accept blankpal? Otherwise, I'll snag blank's creditblank and do it blank way. Ohblank? Blank!

Agreed, Karoline. The best way to judge the winner at a slumber party is to weigh everyone and take polaroids of their 'before' face and hair. Then we have snacks and makeovers, at which time a decision should be made.

Oh, we should also listen to some 80's glam rock (POISON), cut up pictures from some magazines, and put the wrong mouths and eyes on the wrong heads with glue, write slam books, after which someone will cry and lock herself in the bathroom, then when the first one falls asleep, we'll put her bra in the freezer and write something obscene on her forehead, take a picture and put it on the internet. Does that work for you?

On to other things... tonight's dinner... caesar salad, KC strip (medium rare) and divine, mashed potatoes made from mashed pieces of heaven and for dessert a chuck of carrot cake that almost made me fall to my knees with gratitude for whomever invented carrot cake and a bite of white chocolate bread pudding that just seconds before had been covered in rum and lit on fire. 

It wasn't tacos, but it was almost as good.


----------



## Buffie (Nov 17, 2005)

HA HA!! Did anyone see that?! Someone voted for knees!! That's hilarious! 

I wonder if there's a knee-lover scene or some such thing? What would they be called? KAs? Would women of lovely knee be referred to as BKWs? Just curious.


----------



## AnnMarie (Nov 17, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> Sorry AnnMarie....forgot all about the rules:doh: ....never posted anything other than on the pic board on here....so I was confused...thanks for covering my ass and the stern talking to....I will do my very best to remember......
> please accept my apology...please....not trying to be a bad ass...honest!
> 
> Dammit Fatlane...you're supposed to keep me up to date and in the know on this stufff....Where were ya when I needed ya??? Quit staring at Buffies boobs:shocked: and pay attention....lol




It's ok, girlie... carry on!


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 17, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> It's ok, girlie... carry on!


MUAH! :wubu: I shall! Thanks!!


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 17, 2005)

Buffie said:


> ~Squeal!!~ More kickass art! HOW do you do it, Farlane? Are people just born artistic? Seriously, I wonder. I'm buying a blank to your blank as soon as I can remember what blank's blankword is on his blankpal. Do you accept blankpal? Otherwise, I'll snag blank's creditblank and do it blank way. Ohblank? Blank!
> 
> Agreed, Karoline. The best way to judge the winner at a slumber party is to weigh everyone and take polaroids of their 'before' face and hair. Then we have snacks and makeovers, at which time a decision should be made.
> 
> ...



YOu got all the good ideas down pat for the slumber party...I might be tempted thought to get you drunk so that you fall asleep first...I definitely want to see what happens to your bra in the freezer.... LOL we sould have banana splits out of it afterwards...don't worry I would wake you for the at part!!!!!!

Your dinner kicked ass...Gotta ask...what is a KC strip...I am assuming it is a beef product???


----------



## Buffie (Nov 17, 2005)

KC strip is beef indeed. Smart girl! I dunno exactly what cut it is. Do we have any butchers in the house? But it's thicker than a t-bone, thinner than filet mignon and when it's done right, you can cut it with a fork and you'll drool while you chew it. For the money, it's about the best damn piece of steak there is.

Banana splits in Buffie's bra... sounds sticky, but I'll try anything once. Shall we put it in a chest freezer?! LOL Ha!


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 18, 2005)

Buffie said:


> KC strip is beef indeed. Smart girl! I dunno exactly what cut it is. Do we have any butchers in the house? But it's thicker than a t-bone, thinner than filet mignon and when it's done right, you can cut it with a fork and you'll drool while you chew it. For the money, it's about the best damn piece of steak there is.
> 
> Banana splits in Buffie's bra... sounds sticky, but I'll try anything once. Shall we put it in a chest freezer?! LOL Ha!


Well ofcourse it will need to go in a chest freezer!!! You can only get ice cube trays the fridge kind....definitely not a Buffie bra.........Do you think that is why it is called a chest freezer in the first place? lol


----------



## fatlane (Nov 19, 2005)

I know what you're all thinking... there's some kind of story behind my disappearance and reappearance.

Yep. There is.

I've been to Malta, and have learned the art of exquisite cursing. I am shocked by nothing anymore, save Maltese curses. Nobody on the face of the planet can curse like the Maltese do. Even their mildest curses shock to the core. Their more vile streams of words manage to crack open rifts in the earth's surface which plunge straight into hell. 

They do not watch television in Malta. Instead, for entertainment, everyone starts cursing around 5PM and continues on into the night.

Should anyone cross me, I now know what to do. I will begin by beating them with Dick Cheney, then gather 300 tons of dirty gym clothing from a junior high school, set it afire, and force the malefactor to inhale deeply the escaping effluvium, that his nose be destroyed. 

Just the nose. The rest of him I reserve for a long, painful life and a short trip to hell. Should he complain, I will put him on a space shuttle to God, who will damn him for all eternity and cast him downward. I will then shoot arrows tipped with neurotoxin as he plunges, that he might writhe in pain all the way down, then stuff his entire family up his backside when he hits the earth in a successful SHPLAT.

Then, I attend to more profane and scatalogical chores in my contribution to his eternal torment.

On a lighter note, I now find people who owe me money pay it back on time and with an appropriate amount of interest.


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 19, 2005)

fatlane said:


> I know what you're all thinking... there's some kind of story behind my disappearance and reappearance.
> 
> Yep. There is.
> 
> ...



Ummm....fatlane......ummm...I am not late on any payments am I????


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## fatlane (Nov 19, 2005)

Do another trick with M&M's, send the picture, and we'll call it square.


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## Buffie (Nov 19, 2005)

I LOVE swears! Tell us the swears, FlatTire!!! Tell us the swears!!!! Please!?!? PRETTY PLEASE?!? 

It's my goal in life to know more curse words than any other living person. With your help, my dreams can come true. So pony up the cussin, FatLip!

Look at Jerry Springer. Where would his ratings be if it weren't for foul language? I'm just sayin...

Goddammit, Karoline, hurry up with the M&Ms, woman! Valuable curses are on the line!!!


----------



## The Enforcers (Nov 19, 2005)

You need to add to your poll *All of the above* 'cause that describes Buffie to a T.  

Keep on rockin' in the free world.


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## Buffie (Nov 19, 2005)

Awww! That's so nice! Thank you! Now excuse me while I blush for the rest of the evening...


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 19, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Do another trick with M&M's, send the picture, and we'll call it square.


I got one for ya!!!!!Just for you Fatroad...
So I will be free and clear and The Buff Mister gets her cursing lessons!

Look...I am a coffee table!!!


----------



## The Enforcers (Nov 19, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Awww! That's so nice! Thank you! Now excuse me while I blush for the rest of the evening...



I wouldn't say it unless I meant it.

P.S. I've been reading a lot of posts to you and it appears that you are one the most popular girls on here, and you have a lot of "girlfriends" that love you. That's great! I think this is a great community. NO, the BEST community. I hate it when skinny people put fat people down and vice versa, but it seems that everyone here gets along and is so supportive. Keep it up!:bow:


----------



## Buffie (Nov 20, 2005)

Most excellent, Karoline!! You're BEYOND clever!! And thank you. Now where are my new swears? Purr purr!

We know how to share the love around here, Enforcer! That's the Dim Spirit! I adore my girfriends, too! They're the most awesome chickies ever! I mean c'mon... M&M tricks! How frickin rad is that?!? 

Groovy Google Name of the Day... "Gayleen Aiken" - Folk Artist Extrodinaire! If you live in Vermont and ever meet her, give her a big hug from Buffie!


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## fatlane (Nov 20, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> I got one for ya!!!!!Just for you Fatroad...
> So I will be free and clear and The Buff Mister gets her cursing lessons!
> 
> Look...I am a coffee table!!!




Remind me to put my mug on you! OK, we're even. Time to curse...


----------



## fatlane (Nov 20, 2005)

Buffie said:


> I LOVE swears! Tell us the swears, FlatTire!!! Tell us the swears!!!! Please!?!? PRETTY PLEASE?!?
> 
> It's my goal in life to know more curse words than any other living person. With your help, my dreams can come true. So pony up the cussin, FatLip!
> 
> ...



Now, the trick is not in the words, but in their placement and emphasis. In translation, most words have basic meanings referring to bodily outputs, sexual activities, relatives, and familial relationships with animals.

Maltese cursing goes beyond that. In translation, the hand-crafted phrases have a meaning one may never have otherwise imagined.

Example: _Firrah jaqbdek cancer fil bajd_... I wish you a cancer in your testicles. Yee-owch.

_Busli sormi ala francisa_... French-kiss my ass. OooF!

_Insawtek bi Kristu!_... I'll beat you with Christ! (sacreligious, I know, but these guys put the "profane" in "profanity"! They have others involving the Holy Trinity, Virgin Mary, 365 saints, writers of the four Gospels, the 12 apostles, Mother Theresa, the five stigmata of Jesus, and various other religious references. Sometimes, they refer to a demon-possessed Christ, just to really mess with their target's mind.)

_Itlaq 'l hemm ghax inbullek f'sormok!_... Scram, or I'll urinate in your ass! (YIKES!)

_Nirrah taqbdek il parkinsons tal papa_... I wish you had the Pope's Parkinson's. Very insensitive, I know...

_F'oxx min sallab gesu kristu ghax ma salbuhx sew, rega qam._... F*** whoever crucified Jesus Christ because they did a poor job, he rose from the dead. (Again, with the profaning the sacred...)

These are some of the _milder_ curses. You can burn your eyes out over at http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/maltese.htm , but be sure to have your pop-up blocker on and don't go there at work!

Now I need to wash my eyes out with soap for reading those again...


----------



## Buffie (Nov 20, 2005)

That's like an 8 course meal of swear words. Mmmm tasty cursing indeed. The God-Squad slams are a particularly nice touch. I like, I like very much! 

Now for the million dollar question... however did you come across Maltese foul language? The curious are itching to know!


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 20, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Remind me to put my mug on you! OK, we're even. Time to curse...


Ummm....the mug won't be hot will it Fatboulevard? Cause my skin is very sensitive....I don't like coffee rings either.....You might ahv eot wipe it off afterwards..... lol


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 20, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Most excellent, Karoline!! You're BEYOND clever!! And thank you. Now where are my new swears? Purr purr!
> 
> We know how to share the love around here, Enforcer! That's the Dim Spirit! I adore my girfriends, too! They're the most awesome chickies ever! I mean c'mon... M&M tricks! How frickin rad is that?!?
> 
> Groovy Google Name of the Day... "Gayleen Aiken" - Folk Artist Extrodinaire! If you live in Vermont and ever meet her, give her a big hug from Buffie!


Glad I could produce for you Buff! I aim to please!


----------



## fatlane (Nov 21, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> Ummm....the mug won't be hot will it Fatboulevard? Cause my skin is very sensitive....I don't like coffee rings either.....You might ahv eot wipe it off afterwards..... lol



(Makes mental note to have a leaky mug with lukewarm liquid in it...)


----------



## fatlane (Nov 21, 2005)

Buffie said:


> That's like an 8 course meal of swear words. Mmmm tasty cursing indeed. The God-Squad slams are a particularly nice touch. I like, I like very much!
> 
> Now for the million dollar question... however did you come across Maltese foul language? The curious are itching to know!



Well, I'd once been researching cursing and was checking out different languages and their streams of slurs. I'd studied Russian before, and its use of verb prefixes and suffixes gave it a very precise sort of flexibility in telling someone exactly how to go about the profane chores suggested, but then a traveller told me about Maltese. 

He was from Malta himself, and, like me, had an interest in swearing. While he gave his props to Arabic and Hindi and acknowledged my discovery of Russian verbs, he told me how the Maltese put them all behind.

I've been cussed at in over two dozen languages, and shrugged them all off. When the Maltese insults were hurled my way, I bled at their impacts. Their words are daggers, every one of them. Their curses are the most innovative and brash. I challenge anyone to find another language that manages to combine a sexual exclamation, the space shuttle, and the Virgin Mary all in one slam.


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 21, 2005)

fatlane said:


> (Makes mental note to have a leaky mug with lukewarm liquid in it...)


Where do you store all of these little mental notes of yours? Do you ahve a filecabinet for them? A "mental" filecabinet? lol I am cracking myself up here!


----------



## fatlane (Nov 21, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> Where do you store all of these little mental notes of yours? Do you ahve a filecabinet for them? A "mental" filecabinet? lol I am cracking myself up here!



I actually have mental data entry specialists and a mental DBA who runs periodic queries. I'm upgrading my menatl database to the latest Oracle rev once my mental tech support clears it on my hardware platforms.


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 22, 2005)

fatlane said:


> I actually have mental data entry specialists and a mental DBA who runs periodic queries. I'm upgrading my menatl database to the latest Oracle rev once my mental tech support clears it on my hardware platforms.


Ok you lost me........ 
How do you pay all of these mental employees? Is there chocolate invovled? and if so....where do I apply? :eat2:


----------



## fatlane (Nov 22, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> Ok you lost me........
> How do you pay all of these mental employees? Is there chocolate invovled? and if so....where do I apply? :eat2:



If you want to work in my mind, you have to first be completely mental. How mental are you, exactly?


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 22, 2005)

fatlane said:


> If you want to work in my mind, you have to first be completely mental. How mental are you, exactly?


Hey....Yippee I am part of your 1000th post!!! Yeah for Fatcircle!!!
Ya Did It !
Congratulations!!!!
Do you feel any different...is it a "new YOU" we are looking at.......
Should we bow? What is the correct way to address you now?
I do not want to make any faux pas...............
You get back to me on that!!!!


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 22, 2005)

fatlane said:


> If you want to work in my mind, you have to first be completely mental. How mental are you, exactly?


Ok...now that I have that off my chest I can get back to the question..."How mental am I?"

Let's see..........I hang out with you and Buffie....does that do it?
Or....I work retail.....that should do it........
let's see......there are 3 sisters and 3 brothers in my family......just like the Brady Bunch......that definitley puts me over the edge of REALLY MENTAL! I think that I qualify to work in your mind.

Well that and I minored in fine art in University....I inhaled alot of stuff for 4 years that definitley weren't all paint and turpentine fumes......... ........come on.....that has to have done it.....

You did say the word chocolate right???????????
As a payment option????


----------



## fatlane (Nov 22, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> Hey....Yippee I am part of your 1000th post!!! Yeah for Fatcircle!!!
> Ya Did It !
> Congratulations!!!!
> Do you feel any different...is it a "new YOU" we are looking at.......
> ...



I feel... beatific... and, no, don't bow, unless I'm seated and you're standing about 2' in front of my face... then bow... slow... yeaaaaahhhh...


----------



## fatlane (Nov 22, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> Ok...now that I ahve that off my chest I can get back to the question..."How mental am I?"
> 
> Let's see..........I hang out with you and Buffie....does that do it?
> Or....I work retail.....that should do it........
> ...



You're mental. And heavy. That makes you into Heavy Mental. Nice.

OK, so just climb into my ears and enjoy the view from behind my eyes.


----------



## AnnMarie (Nov 22, 2005)

Congrats on 1,000!!!! Keep on frenzy-ing in the free-world!


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## fatlane (Nov 22, 2005)

I couldn't have done it without you ladies. Thanks a bunch. And sit on my lap. While wearing undersize clothes. And snacking on churros. That's the best way to say, "thanks".


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 23, 2005)

fatlane said:


> I couldn't have done it without you ladies. Thanks a bunch. And sit on my lap. While wearing undersize clothes. And snacking on churros. That's the best way to say, "thanks".


I will keep that in mind......It might be useful some day!:wubu:


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 23, 2005)

fatlane said:


> You're mental. And heavy. That makes you into Heavy Mental. Nice.
> 
> OK, so just climb into my ears and enjoy the view from behind my eyes.


mmmmm......not much room in here.....dammit......how many of us are you going to make work in such a tiny space.....I think the time has come for expansion:shocked: we are moving into the actual eyes now....

Oh and by the way......I haven't recieved the chocolate yet!


----------



## fatlane (Nov 23, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> I will keep that in mind......It might be useful some day!:wubu:



I get 10% of the cut when you shoot that set.


----------



## fatlane (Nov 23, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> mmmmm......not much room in here.....dammit......how many of us are you going to make work in such a tiny space.....I think the time has come for expansion:shocked: we are moving into the actual eyes now....
> 
> Oh and by the way......I haven't recieved the chocolate yet!



It's right behind the pineal gland. See it? There you go.


----------



## ataraxia (Nov 23, 2005)

fatlane said:


> It's right behind the pineal gland. See it? There you go.


Dude! Any pineal glands you find are _my_ pineal glands!


----------



## fatlane (Nov 23, 2005)

Each one guaranteed to be 100% pineal for that special 100% woman in your life.


----------



## ataraxia (Nov 23, 2005)

No, I mean that any you find are mine, since all of yours are forever inaccessible behind the Schwarzschild radius.


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 23, 2005)

fatlane said:


> It's right behind the pineal gland. See it? There you go.


Oh well then....why didn't I look behind the pineal gland....that's exactly where one should store the chocolate!:doh: It better be in a wrapper! :eat2:


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 23, 2005)

fatlane said:


> I get 10% of the cut when you shoot that set.


Ya gonna do a shoot with me?? Yippee!
Ah to be in the presence of the almighty Fatavenue...... 
You only want 10%?? You're sure? Is that because that is all they will see of you if I sit on your lap? Just 10% of Fatstreet ....... 100% Karoline!!! lol


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## fatlane (Nov 23, 2005)

Works for me... what do you want me to wear? And how many bags of M&Ms should I bring along?


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 24, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Works for me... what do you want me to wear? And how many bags of M&Ms should I bring along?


I will let you kow so we can coordinate...don't want your artistic eye to be offended by any clashing colours! 
As for the M & M's just bring what you can carry..... ...tha otta keep me happy for a while! :eat2:


----------



## fatlane (Nov 24, 2005)

I can lift a 50-lb sack... will that be enough?


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 25, 2005)

fatlane said:


> I can lift a 50-lb sack... will that be enough?


That should do it...lol
We've never discussed muscles before......hmmmm.....


----------



## fatlane (Nov 25, 2005)

Well, I can also lift a 100-lb sack, but prefer the 50-lb ones if I'm doing a lot of travelling.

I suppose if I had one of those warehouse carts, I could load it down with maybe 500 lbs of M&Ms. How long would those last?


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 25, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Well, I can also lift a 100-lb sack, but prefer the 50-lb ones if I'm doing a lot of travelling.
> 
> I suppose if I had one of those warehouse carts, I could load it down with maybe 500 lbs of M&Ms. How long would those last?



Well I am sure I could make it last at least the visit...lol
I would try my best! Since you brought it all this way.....I might be persuaded to share them a bit....


----------



## fatlane (Nov 25, 2005)

(Mental image of Karoline after consuming 500 lbs of M&Ms...)

No, go ahead. They're all yours. I ate before coming here, anyway. Not really hungry. 

Say, if they were all green, would eating 500 lbs of them cause your skin color to change? Hmmm...


----------



## fatlane (Nov 25, 2005)

Yep. Eating 500 lbs of green M&Ms, over time, will change your skin color.


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 25, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Yep. Eating 500 lbs of green M&Ms, over time, will change your skin color.


LOL OH MY GOD! Speachless..... 
I am green.....!


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 25, 2005)

fatlane said:


> (Mental image of Karoline after consuming 500 lbs of M&Ms...)
> 
> No, go ahead. They're all yours. I ate before coming here, anyway. Not really hungry.
> 
> Say, if they were all green, would eating 500 lbs of them cause your skin color to change? Hmmm...


I thought green ones did something else to you.......My God...500lbs of them might be a lethal weapon.....:shocked:


----------



## fatlane (Nov 25, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> I thought green ones did something else to you.......My God...500lbs of them might be a lethal weapon.....:shocked:



Yeah, they do _that,_ too. And you _know_ how I feel about green skin... :smitten:


----------



## Buffie (Nov 26, 2005)

I'm baaack! ...

I'm also exhausted. So very tired. You guys think of good stuff to make me giggle, k? My brain is done for the next couple days.

Turkey-Breath Kisses,
~Buffie


----------



## fatlane (Nov 26, 2005)

Buffie said:


> I'm baaack! ...
> 
> I'm also exhausted. So very tired. You guys think of good stuff to make me giggle, k? My brain is done for the next couple days.
> 
> ...



It's late, so I'll get to work on the turkey-stuffed Buffie pics tomorrow. 

Did you eat dark meat or white meat? I'll need to know this for the skin tones to use...


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 26, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Yeah, they do _that,_ too. And you _know_ how I feel about green skin... :smitten:


Glad i wan't off base on the effects of green ones...lol....I sure hope you will able to control the "green giant" after all of those little green pieces of heaven.....
Start working out now......you may need the extra strength....


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 26, 2005)

Buffie said:


> I'm baaack! ...
> 
> I'm also exhausted. So very tired. You guys think of good stuff to make me giggle, k? My brain is done for the next couple days.
> 
> ...


Buffie...if you don't giggle over me looking all green then I don't have anything else to make you giggle..... 

You guys work on this today....and you can update me tonight after work.......gotta go....
Um....Buff....be kind to Fatcrossing when he posts the picture of you stuffed with turkey...he is going thru a phase with colour......Just smile and nod and say nice things as you slowly move back towards the door......


----------



## fatlane (Nov 26, 2005)

I thought about submitting a pic of Buffie stuffed so much, she turned invisible, but then wondered if anyone wanted to see a dented couch with the giggles...

And it's not easy being with green. I'll give it a good try, though.


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 26, 2005)

fatlane said:


> I thought about submitting a pic of Buffie stuffed so much, she turned invisible, but then wondered if anyone wanted to see a dented couch with the giggles...
> 
> And it's not easy being with green. I'll give it a good try, though.


I don't know...I think that a couch with the giggles would be very cool...especially with a Buffie dent......Would it be a sitting dent or a laying down dent????

I knew you were a team player....Just knew it!
That a boy...take one for the team... lol


----------



## fatlane (Nov 26, 2005)

OK, I'll get to work on the invisiBuffie picture...


----------



## Buffie (Nov 27, 2005)

> Buffie...if you don't giggle over me looking all green then I don't have anything else to make you giggle.....
> 
> You guys work on this today....and you can update me tonight after work.......gotta go....
> Um....Buff....be kind to Fatcrossing when he posts the picture of you stuffed with turkey...he is going thru a phase with colour......Just smile and nod and say nice things as you slowly move back towards the door......



LOL You do make me giggle, Karoline!!! I am a little worried about our FatAvenue, though. As long as he doesn't make me orange, we cool. The green really brings out your eyes, though. Hee hee hee!!!


----------



## Buffie (Nov 27, 2005)

fatlane said:


> I thought about submitting a pic of Buffie stuffed so much, she turned invisible, but then wondered if anyone wanted to see a dented couch with the giggles...
> 
> And it's not easy being with green. I'll give it a good try, though.



Invisible... that would be a new look. Now if I'm invisible but wearing glitter, does the glitter go invisible, too? Because I think that would just be a crime against fashion if it did. FYI.


----------



## fatlane (Nov 27, 2005)

Buffie said:


> LOL You do make me giggle, Karoline!!! I am a little worried about our FatAvenue, though. As long as he doesn't make me orange, we cool. The green really brings out your eyes, though. Hee hee hee!!!




(Cancels the "Buffie is an Oompa Loompa" segments for next week's shows...)


----------



## fatlane (Nov 27, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Invisible... that would be a new look. Now if I'm invisible but wearing glitter, does the glitter go invisible, too? Because I think that would just be a crime against fashion if it did. FYI.



(Looks for invisible-resistant glitter...)


----------



## Buffie (Nov 27, 2005)

Now that would be a CHOICE invention.


----------



## fatlane (Nov 27, 2005)

Found it. Now to draw...


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 27, 2005)

fatlane said:


> (Looks for invisible-resistant glitter...)


Now imagine...a cloud of glitter just drifting in the air....it is like a Fairy God Buffie....All you need is a wand and we are all set...do you have one of those by chance....I have this pumpkin that I want made into an Accura MDX.....can you arrange that for me??? Please...Pretty please...with m & m's on top.....:wubu: 

I would love you forever if you could take care of that for me! (and be your cute slave.....)


----------



## fatlane (Nov 28, 2005)

What color do you want the Acura?


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 28, 2005)

fatlane said:


> What color do you want the Acura?


Black or that gray blue colour....
Am I gonna have to be YOUR cute slave and love you forever??????????:wubu:


----------



## fatlane (Nov 28, 2005)

OK. I'm on it. Right after I cover Buffie in invisible-proof glitter.


----------



## Buffie (Nov 28, 2005)

I wanna see the pumpkin car!!! Where is it? Where??


----------



## fatlane (Nov 28, 2005)

Pumpkin car? What do I look like? A fairy godmother?


----------



## Buffie (Nov 28, 2005)

Didn't you make a pumpkin into an Acura for Karoline? Am I trippin? That's entirely possible. I'm just surprised because it's so early in the evening for hallucinations.


----------



## fatlane (Nov 28, 2005)

Oh crap. I didn't read that thread right. I BOUGHT ONE.

Folks, we've got some unexpected expenses on the B&F show. Please send whatever you can afford, be it a nickel, a dime, or a dollar to:

FAT LANE ONLINE
1234 Fake Address Road
Fake City, North Fakota
00000-0000

And we thank you for your support.


----------



## Buffie (Nov 28, 2005)

What? No locking yourself in the studio tower ala Oral Roberts? I'm disappointed, FatHills.


----------



## fatlane (Nov 28, 2005)

Who's doing the locking?


----------



## Buffie (Nov 28, 2005)

Karoline... because I put a big bowl of M&Ms right outside the door.


----------



## fatlane (Nov 28, 2005)

Who's holding down the door from the inside?


----------



## Buffie (Nov 28, 2005)

I would... but I have to get up early and go to the mall. Maybe we could get the drummer in the smoking monkey suit to do it.


----------



## fatlane (Nov 28, 2005)

How about the drummer on the outside and Karoline on the inside? I think the audience will really go for that much more.

MUCH MORE.

HINT HINT.


----------



## fatlane (Nov 28, 2005)

OK, invisi-buffie on the couch. MORAL: Do not eat so damn much turkey, you go invisible!

The glitter didn't work out like I thought it would, so I had to scrub it off. No, no, the pleasure's all mine...


----------



## fatlane (Nov 28, 2005)

OK, and Karoline, I got you with your car. Couldn't get the right color, but it's in Canada for sure. Now get in the car before we get a nipple violation flag on this play!


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 29, 2005)

fatlane said:


> OK, and Karoline, I got you with your car. Couldn't get the right color, but it's in Canada for sure. Now get in the car before we get a nipple violation flag on this play!


OOOhhhhhhh...SQUEAL........sigh...faint......
...Buffie cradles Karolines head against her breasts........and says "it's ok darlin'"!
Karoline recovers slowly.....and stares raptorously at the car. A tear slides down her cheek and she says breathlessly "Oh thank you so much Fatlane....how am I ever gonna repay you........?!"

Cut to a commercial........

Now the drama here otta raise the ratings thru the roof......
Good thing I took acting in University...I knew how to do a fake fall!


----------



## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 29, 2005)

fatlane said:


> How about the drummer on the outside and Karoline on the inside? I think the audience will really go for that much more.
> 
> MUCH MORE.
> 
> HINT HINT.


Now what am I supposed to be guarding??? Fathighway or the bowl of
m & m's...?
I am concerned here...there is no way the m & m's would be safe with me....if the bowl is on the outside...maybe I should be on the inside with Fattrack. Or he should be with the m & m's and I should be on the other side......Man ...now I am confused.....let's go over the script again.....


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 29, 2005)

fatlane said:


> OK, invisi-buffie on the couch. MORAL: Do not eat so damn much turkey, you go invisible!
> 
> The glitter didn't work out like I thought it would, so I had to scrub it off. No, no, the pleasure's all mine...


Holy shit Buff...you are invisible.......where are you...owe...sorry was that you? Didn't mean to bump into you.....


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## fatlane (Nov 29, 2005)

(Karoline loses self-control, eats the M&Ms, locks Fatlane in the Acura with her, and the windows steam up when she opens the thermos of hot cocoa...)

(Buffie, still invisible, bangs on the outside of the Acura, causing it to rock back and forth...)

(People passing by, not having a clue what's going on here, immediately assume the worse and start rumors flying...)

"It's gonna be the Karoline and Fatlane Show, dame rumor has it..."


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 29, 2005)

fatlane said:


> (Karoline loses self-control, eats the M&Ms, locks Fatlane in the Acura with her, and the windows steam up when she opens the thermos of hot cocoa...)
> 
> (Buffie, still invisible, bangs on the outside of the Acura, causing it to rock back and forth...)
> 
> ...


Buffie....don't believe any of it....Honest...it was the Hot cocoa.........We love you :wubu: and would never do anything to hurt you.....The show is yours with Fatcalf. I am just here for the comedic relief...well the endless supply of m & m's too...but that is just because it is in my contract.:eat2:


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## fatlane (Nov 29, 2005)

I heard more rumors... rumor has it there's talk of a "Buffie and Karoline Show". What are you trying to do, write me out of the show? AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU???


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 29, 2005)

fatlane said:


> I heard more rumors... rumor has it there's talk of a "Buffie and Karoline Show". What are you trying to do, write me out of the show? AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU???


Now just calm down Fatcheeks......everyone remain calm. No the shows name is not changing...it is and will always be the Buffie and Fatlane Show. Let's all relax and calm down. OK...deep breathe....Buffie stop showing off.....now a group hug...fatlane in the middle........


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## fatlane (Nov 29, 2005)

Let's get an overhead shot of that group hug for the viewers at home.


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## fatlane (Nov 29, 2005)

And just to quash all the rumours, we got booked for a world tour. European dates announced, North American to be added shortly and, yes, we will tour South America and Asia/Pacific.

Everything kicks off in Berlin tomorrow night!


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 30, 2005)

Tomorrow night???? Dammit...I am getting my toes done tomorrow! It can't happen tomorrow! We are gonna have to cancel that and reschedule.......


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## fatlane (Nov 30, 2005)

OK, change the "5" to a "6" in that world tour. We're moving it up two months because Karoline needs a pedicure.

Sheesh... divas...


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 30, 2005)

fatlane said:


> OK, change the "5" to a "6" in that world tour. We're moving it up two months because Karoline needs a pedicure.
> 
> Sheesh... divas...


MMmmm...thank you Fatcookie.....you are awesome. I just knew you would understand little ole Karoline's problem. anythign I can do for you ...you just let me know...muah!


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## fatlane (Nov 30, 2005)

ANYTHING, huh?

Sounds like a plan, then.


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## bigcutiekaroline (Nov 30, 2005)

fatlane said:


> ANYTHING, huh?
> 
> Sounds like a plan, then.


Well within the guidelines and restrictions in the contract of course.....


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## fatlane (Nov 30, 2005)

Ever read your fine print? 

(hands Karoline a big ol' magnifying lens)


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 1, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Ever read your fine print?
> 
> (hands Karoline a big ol' magnifying lens)


Dammit! Brought down by fine print!:doh: 
Fine then....I am your slave.....~sigh~


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## Buffie (Dec 4, 2005)

Awww, I'm glad Karoline got her car! That's awesome! But if that car's a-raawkin, I won't come a-knockin! 

F-ing haters! 2 stars? RUDE! Completely rude. If you don't like it, don't read it. How hard is that? We're just having fun. You can't put a rating on fun. Geezus. That just bums me out.

Badass drawer-ing FatLoop! That is some REO Speedwagon hair if I ever saw any. LOL You're tits!


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## fatlane (Dec 4, 2005)

Good thing the stars a thread gets have nothing to do with the quality of the thread, just the controversial nature of the hosts.

If it goes down to one star, I'm taking this thread to satellite radio.


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## Buffie (Dec 4, 2005)

Satellite radio rules! I ~Heart~ XM. I ~Heart~ FatSidewalk, too!

Who's the sweetie who put us back up to 3 stars??? Who are you? I need to know so I can give you a snuggle!!! Thank you!


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## fatlane (Dec 4, 2005)

You think we can market this banter on a pay site? Maybe buffieandfatlane.com, home of the posting frenzy?

And, hey, stay tuned this week because we've got some great guests lined up! BONO will be here, along with the rest of U2, for a series on sanctimonious aging Euro-rockers. You won't want to miss that!


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## jamyjam224 (Dec 4, 2005)

don't worry every great show goes through a ratings slump , don't go satellite! (says the poor college student)


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 4, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Good thing the stars a thread gets have nothing to do with the quality of the thread, just the controversial nature of the hosts.
> 
> If it goes down to one star, I'm taking this thread to satellite radio.


If we fo to satelite radio let me know...I may have to get my hair done...


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## fatlane (Dec 5, 2005)

... and we're back!

Right now, let's take a look at how the man on the street takes a look in "Make Eye Contact with Buffie". Any man, and I mean ANY man who makes eye contact with Buffie throughout her interview will get... what's the pot up to now? Wow... $750,000 dollars! And we keep adding to that pot every night we don't have a winner.

So let's take it now to the streets with Buffie and her first mark.


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 5, 2005)

fatlane said:


> ... and we're back!
> 
> Right now, let's take a look at how the man on the street takes a look in "Make Eye Contact with Buffie". Any man, and I mean ANY man who makes eye contact with Buffie throughout her interview will get... what's the pot up to now? Wow... $750,000 dollars! And we keep adding to that pot every night we don't have a winner.
> 
> So let's take it now to the streets with Buffie and her first mark.


Can I hold the money? Can I? Can I? Please.......:shocked:


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## fatlane (Dec 5, 2005)

Er... no. Unless your boobs are named Coopers and Lybrand.


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## fatlane (Dec 5, 2005)

*Meanwhile, a new producer shows up and talks with Fatlane... alone...*


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## fatlane (Dec 5, 2005)

*Fatlane's taken aback.*


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## fatlane (Dec 5, 2005)

*But she's ready to press the advantage.*


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## fatlane (Dec 5, 2005)

I'm sure you all now have questions... but you'll just have to stay tuned for further developments!

And be glad I'm not singing the same damn song over and over while everyone has an affair with everyone in town, including a midget into cherry pie...


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 5, 2005)

I am so thunderstuck...I am not sure I can work under this kind of stress....I may need some time.....to take all this in...Fatknees we are talking Buffie here...I mean Buffie...come on....what the hell....


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 5, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Er... no. Unless your boobs are named Coopers and Lybrand.


I have never named them....so I don't think that is their names....it's ok.....I am not sure I want to hold it now anyways......I'll be in my room.....


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## fatlane (Dec 6, 2005)

bigcutiekaroline said:


> I am so thunderstuck...I am not sure I can work under this kind of stress....I may need some time.....to take all this in...Fatknees we are talking Buffie here...I mean Buffie...come on....what the hell....



Karoline! How much of that did you hear? I want you to know, honest, I didn't bring it up. That new producer, she's the one behind it all.

I... I don't know, though. The money would be great - and national exposure. You'd be along, too. She thinks your segments are great, you know the whole M&Ms thing and saying "eh" all the time like you're this walking Canadian stereotype. She loves that. 

She just thinks Buffie's got too much "edge" in her attitude, and that's going to turn off the 18-27 crowd. You know how important the 18-27s are, Karoline.

You'd be looking at a big raise, too. We might get picked up as a replacement for Regis. He's retiring after this season, you know.

Just, please, PLEASE don't tell Buffie anything. She can't know. I haven't made up my mind, anyway. I'd like to hear what you'd say about it before I do.


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 6, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Karoline! How much of that did you hear? I want you to know, honest, I didn't bring it up. That new producer, she's the one behind it all.
> 
> I... I don't know, though. The money would be great - and national exposure. You'd be along, too. She thinks your segments are great, you know the whole M&Ms thing and saying "eh" all the time like you're this walking Canadian stereotype. She loves that.
> 
> ...


Fatthighs sometimes it is not about the money or the exposure...it is about being loyal and caring about friends and loved ones! I thought you had that in you but it appears I was wrong. So sad...... 
Buffie is our friend and at least I love her and respect her enough to not do things behind her back.....I won't tattle on you right away as long as you talk to her soon....Do it or I will! That isn't a threat...that is a promise! 
I am very dissappointed in you fatelbows........very! 
Who is this woman anyways......we don't even know her...she will probably come in and change everything........I don't say "Eh" all the time ...dammit..eh!
What do you actually know about this mysterious person?????


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## fatlane (Dec 6, 2005)

She's a mystery, I admit, but she's got connections. She was the "silent partner" that backed the LOTR movies and got them accepted by a major studio. Ever hear of CSI? That's hers, too, along with everything else done by "Jerry Bruckheimer". 

She's very big in the industry. Also important.

But what are your feelings on this? Do you want the money and the fame or do you want to stay at the small-time level with Buffie?


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 6, 2005)

fatlane said:


> She's a mystery, I admit, but she's got connections. She was the "silent partner" that backed the LOTR movies and got them accepted by a major studio. Ever hear of CSI? That's hers, too, along with everything else done by "Jerry Bruckheimer".
> 
> She's very big in the industry. Also important.
> 
> But what are your feelings on this? Do you want the money and the fame or do you want to stay at the small-time level with Buffie?


First I think that she is lying to you about what she is and what she's got...I would do more research ther if I was you....
I think that she is throwing up a smoke screen and you are falling for it.....
Second...you think that Buffie and the Buffie and Fatlane show is "small time"? 
You guys started this together and and took it way beyond your wildest dreams and you just want to throw all of this away????
Yeah sure everyone wants more money...who the hell doesn't.....but think of the bigger picture here........dammit...I want Buffie! Where has she been anyways...she hasn't been into work in a while...?
You haven't done something dumb already have you???


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## fatlane (Dec 6, 2005)

Well, I _did_ do something dumb, but that was on another thread, and I've already settled out of court... my lawyers said best not to discuss it any further. But I _can_ say it didn't involve Buffie.

So you're a no go... she said you might not understand... but, Karoline, with that signing bonus, you could buy a swimming pool full of M&Ms. In any neighborhood you want. And if she's offering _you_ that kind of money, imagine what's being dangled in front of me.

And who's to say once I make it internationally, I can't throw a little something Buffie's way? I've got to grow and progress as a performer, too!

I just can't flat-out say no. Or yes. I don't know which scenario is going to leave me five years from now wondering what might have been...


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 6, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Well, I _did_ do something dumb, but that was on another thread, and I've already settled out of court... my lawyers said best not to discuss it any further. But I _can_ say it didn't involve Buffie.
> 
> So you're a no go... she said you might not understand... but, Karoline, with that signing bonus, you could buy a swimming pool full of M&Ms. In any neighborhood you want. And if she's offering _you_ that kind of money, imagine what's being dangled in front of me.
> 
> ...


Yeah...I caught that dumb moment of yours on the other thread....good apology there I might add.....I refrained from commenting as I knew you were not yourself there.....

I am a no go...I am sticking with Buffie....Sorry! I will have to stick to the smaller bags of M & M's....sigh.......I am so dissappointed in you Fatears. 
I can't believe you were bought out....what did she dangle in front of you that you couldn't say no to? I am really curious....come on tell me...I gotta know.......

And do you think that Buffie is going to want your hand outs? I can tell you she is not! She is way to strong and good to need you to throw her a bone.......she will say thanks but no thanks...don't even insult her by trying........

By the way does AnnMarie know anything about this? I am curious to see what she has to say.


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## fatlane (Dec 6, 2005)

Wait... I have an idea...

It's a bit of a hustle, but I think I figured out how to eat my cake and have it, too. You just need to go along with the plan. Don't say anything to Buffie - I'll handle that. You just can't be seen with her, at all.

Just be _enthusiastic_ any time she talks to you, all right?


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## Buffie (Dec 6, 2005)

Too much EDGE? What!? There's not a milimeter on my body that could be considered the EDGE of anything! I'm allllll wide corners, thankyouverymuch. Curves! Round! 

Karoline wants me. Purr purr! That means something! You can have your big fancy schmancy show, be a slave to advertisers and the FCC. Fine! We'll be waiting right here when you've had enough of their corporate company game crap. 

I promise you this, Karoline and I are BOTH going to sit at your desk while you're gone. We're going to put our feet on it, we're going to have beverages WITHOUT coasters, we're going to leave the caps off all the pens and we're going to lease your dressing room to a street gang of kittens! So there!

As Jack would say... Oh look, my ride is here... It's a huff and I'm leaving in it!


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## AnnMarie (Dec 6, 2005)

He's selling out. I knew it would happen, that's why I've kept a healthy distance. 


Yup. They're all the same.


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 6, 2005)

Buffie said:


> Too much EDGE? What!? There's not a milimeter on my body that could be considered the EDGE of anything! I'm allllll wide corners, thankyouverymuch. Curves! Round!
> 
> Karoline wants me. Purr purr! That means something! You can have your big fancy schmancy show, be a slave to advertisers and the FCC. Fine! We'll be waiting right here when you've had enough of their corporate company game crap.
> 
> ...


Buff I got your back babe...all round curves and all! Damn that Fatass.....(oops i think I called him an ass.....) 

We're gonna sit at his desk...alrighty then....lets photocopy our toushes and boobies and wallpaper his walls too....


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 6, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Wait... I have an idea...
> 
> It's a bit of a hustle, but I think I figured out how to eat my cake and have it, too. You just need to go along with the plan. Don't say anything to Buffie - I'll handle that. You just can't be seen with her, at all.
> 
> Just be _enthusiastic_ any time she talks to you, all right?


What is up with you now.....we really don't need a big scheme here.....:doh:


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 6, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> He's selling out. I knew it would happen, that's why I've kept a healthy distance.
> 
> 
> Yup. They're all the same.


AnnMarie...where you been...I ahve been trying to hold this place together and I am not doing a very good job at it.....HELP!!!!!! I think I need chocolate...anyone got chocolate???????


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## Buffie (Dec 7, 2005)

> lets photocopy our toushes and boobies and wallpaper his walls too....


 That's supposed to teach him a what lesson again??? Karoline! LOL It's the equivalent to threatening YOU with M&Ms.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 7, 2005)

*Runs away but leaves Karoline a trough of M&Ms to roll around in.*


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 7, 2005)

Buffie said:


> That's supposed to teach him a what lesson again??? Karoline! LOL It's the equivalent to threatening YOU with M&Ms.


Actually I was just really excited about getting your boobies and cute toush on the photocopier and seeing it multipy before my very eyes!!!!!  :smitten: lol


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 7, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> *Runs away but leaves Karoline a trough of M&Ms to roll around in.*


OK...everything will get better now....Everything will be fine....~sighs and gets naked diving into the trough of heaven!~


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## fatlane (Dec 7, 2005)

Quit your panic, JEEZ! I say we SCAM her for all she's got.

We get the money first. Then, we get the show back together. We're not going to forget you, Buffie. You've got more talent in your little finger than she's got in her whole self. But this is a chance - once I get in the big time, you just slipstream on in there. We'll have it all - HAVE IT ALL!

Don't you want something more? Don't you want a bigger audience? Don't you want to have more than one camera guy in the studio so we can get shots of our guests?

We'll keep you in tacos, buffster. Don't you worry.

This is our ship comin' in, don't you see it?


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 8, 2005)

There's a ship out there somewhere??? Let's take the show on a crusie then......now that would be cool!!


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## fatlane (Dec 8, 2005)

That's the spirit!

Meanwhile, get Buffie dressed up in the "helpful, yet unnoticed, intern" costume. That way, we can smuggle her on to the stage of the "Madame X and Fatlane" show.


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 8, 2005)

fatlane said:


> That's the spirit!
> 
> Meanwhile, get Buffie dressed up in the "helpful, yet unnoticed, intern" costume. That way, we can smuggle her on to the stage of the "Madame X and Fatlane" show.


You did say Buffie right???? And you used the phrase helpful but "unnoticed" right? Well that won't work.....Great plan there fatknees! :doh:


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## fatlane (Dec 9, 2005)

Just put her in heavy makeup and a fat suit. Or... uh... a _fatter_ suit, I guess...


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 9, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Just put her in heavy makeup and a fat suit. Or... uh... a _fatter_ suit, I guess...


Ok...you're the boss.....come on Buffie...let's go gear you up! Let's go stuff your rolls in some rolls!


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## fatlane (Dec 9, 2005)

Why am I flashing on the scene in "A Christmas Story" when they get Ralphie's brother in the coat he can't put his arms down in?


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 9, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Why am I flashing on the scene in "A Christmas Story" when they get Ralphie's brother in the coat he can't put his arms down in?


I am kinda having flashes of a giant Maggie Simpson in her star snowsuit...lol
and I am just killing myself laughing at the image...lol......Buffie...a "star" in more ways than one!!!!!!!!


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## fatlane (Dec 9, 2005)

Caption: "Come on, guys! This ain't fun! I really can't put my arms down! And the damn turtleneck jumpsuit is making my neck itch! QUIT LAUGHING! Remind me to sit on your wicker furniture as soon as I get out of this!"


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 10, 2005)

Yep that is exactly the image I have! Awesome! Sorry Buff! You know I love you!!:wubu: :wubu: lmao


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## fatlane (Dec 10, 2005)

OK, let's get the dolly and wheel her onto the stage. 

Hide her under my desk, just to be sure.


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## Buffie (Dec 11, 2005)

I can't leave you kids alone for a second. At least I finally have the bigger ass I always wanted. 

Enjoying those M&Ms, Miz Ka-Ro-Line? Mmmhmmm... you better save some for me cuz I'm going to need chocolate therapy after this is all over.

You're very very sneaky, FatFood. I like. But you come up with another fat suit idea any time soon... I guarantee you, I WON'T be the one wearing it. Ahem... 

Wacky little freaks. ... birds of a feather...


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## fatlane (Dec 11, 2005)

Buffie said:


> I can't leave you kids alone for a second. At least I finally have the bigger ass I always wanted.
> 
> Enjoying those M&Ms, Miz Ka-Ro-Line? Mmmhmmm... you better save some for me cuz I'm going to need chocolate therapy after this is all over.
> 
> ...


Believe you me, it was really tough getting one that had BIGGER boobs than your current complement. OK, now, SH! We're about ready to go on!


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 12, 2005)

fatlane said:


> OK, let's get the dolly and wheel her onto the stage.
> 
> Hide her under my desk, just to be sure.


She is not fitting under the desk very well....arms and legs and "things" sticking out from underneath the desk!
Damn....tuck it in Buff!

Don't worry...I saved you the fudge I made today....I knew you would need it!


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## fatlane (Dec 12, 2005)

Don't wedge her in, or we won't get her out at the right moment.

Call Penn and Teller. See if they can guest tonight. Then we'll get them to help with concealing and "appearing" Buffie. If not, we'll still get great ratings.


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## Buffie (Dec 12, 2005)

FUDGE! Gawd do I ever need fudge! And tacos. It's been a hella bad day. 

Penn and Teller?!? Really?!?!? I bet I can make Teller talk! Bet I can! Bet I can! Watch me! Watch me! ~bouce bounce bounce~ Watch me! Watch me! Watch me! Watch me! Watch me!! ~bounce bounce~ Bet I can!!!


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## fatlane (Dec 12, 2005)

HOLD STILL! OW! OW! OW! YOU'RE BOUNCING THE DESK OFF MY DAMN FOOT!

OWWWW!

Damn.

Good thing I know to wear steel-toed boots around Buffie.

Now calm the hell down, woman. The show's about to start...

(CUE THEME)

ANNOUNCER: It's the Evil Bitch and Fatlane Show, with special guests Karoline and magical duo Penn and Teller! And now, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Fatlane!

FATLANE: Hey, welcome welcome to our new show! Well, it's the same old show, but in a new format and a bigger audience, and I don't mean you're all fatter now that it's the holidays (laughter) although, we all know we tend to gain a little during this season. With that in mind, if you really want to diet, just take the money you would normally spend on food and start hitting my Amazon gift list! (hearty chuckles) OK, so I'll fire that writer! (laughter)

But seriously, we got a great show tonight, and let me introduce my co-host, Evil Bitch!

(Evil Bitch waves at the audience. Buffie can't stand it anymore and leaps out from under Fatlane's desk. Fatlane is wearing steel-toed boots and bermuda shorts with his suit coat and black turtleneck.

Buffie leaps at Evil Bitch and starts pimp-slapping her. Karoline holds her from behind. Every camera is on the catfight, which lasts about five good minutes.)

(The phones are totally lit up... afterwards, we all decide this is ratings magic and make it a daily event. Turns out the Evil Bitch is turned on by rough play... I know, I know, kinky, but it pays the bills...)


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## fatlane (Dec 12, 2005)

Well, looks like we got the big new audience, Karoline's mainlining M&M's, Buffie's back on the bill, and she gets to pimp-slap the Evil Bitch every day. I'd call that a win-win-win-win scenario.


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 13, 2005)

fatlane said:


> HOLD STILL! OW! OW! OW! YOU'RE BOUNCING THE DESK OFF MY DAMN FOOT!
> 
> OWWWW!
> 
> ...


I got her Buff....you go to town .....atta Girl!!!!!!


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 13, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Well, looks like we got the big new audience, Karoline's mainlining M&M's, Buffie's back on the bill, and she gets to pimp-slap the Evil Bitch every day. I'd call that a win-win-win-win scenario.


Have we heard anything back from those M & M dudes....they promised me a special delivery.....I am still waiting!


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## fatlane (Dec 13, 2005)

Apparently, an order that big has to be approved by the Treasury Department or something like that. Patriot Act stuff... WM&MDs or something along those lines...


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 16, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Apparently, an order that big has to be approved by the Treasury Department or something like that. Patriot Act stuff... WM&MDs or something along those lines...


Don't you ahve any pull or anything? I thought you took care of these things so there was never any waiting.........I am not good at waiting!:eat2:


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## Buffie (Dec 16, 2005)

Hi you sillies. Had to share the best quote I've heard all week... "He's not that cute, he's a bad kisser, he's kinda lame in bed but he bought me an Escalade with gold package, BLING BLING!"


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## fatlane (Dec 16, 2005)

M&Ms on the way and WHAAAA? An Escalade?

Please, girlfriend, if it's love, he'll buy you a Porsche 944.


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## bigcutiekaroline (Dec 17, 2005)

fatlane said:


> M&Ms on the way and WHAAAA? An Escalade?
> 
> Please, girlfriend, if it's love, he'll buy you a Porsche 944.


Oh thank God! I am almost going into convulsions here.....
How many times have I told you guys.....ACCUA MDX>>>>>>>


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## fatlane (Dec 17, 2005)

Yeah. Anything but an Escalade...


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