# Disturbing Parent



## Anguisette (Feb 17, 2006)

Yesterday my significant other (Ahmed) met me at Barnes and Noble in the cafe, where I was banging away on my keyboard, trying to finish an article that was due.

Anyway...

I am a SSBBW (I wear a 26/28 or 30/32, am 5'6"). Ahmed is tall and appears to be of average build in his regular, daily suit. I believe this created some kind of internal vapor lock for the lady at the next table.

Why do I believe this?

Well, as I am typity typing my heart out the big guy goes, gets me an iced latte and a grilled pretzel, and brings them to the table. He leans over, asks me to look up for a second, puts his hand under my chin, and kisses me. It was NOT a sloppy, slurpy kiss. It wasn't dry or chaste, either, but it was appropriate for public. Just a tender kiss. Nothing major.

Neighbor-table-lady immediately lets out a gasp of horror, a gushy "GOD!" and places herself between us and her young child, who looked about 6 or 7. She then mutters loudly (in order to be heard) "that's so disgusting."

We ignore it, though Ahmed does give her the nasty look to end all nasty looks. 

About ten minutes later, after we sip, chew, and I finish typing, her friend arrives. JUST IN CASE we were confused about what she found "so disgusting" she shares her dismay with her pal. 

"Look at the size of her. Like she needs food from him. That's so sick!"

I was framing my response when the manager, who knows us well, asked her if she had a problem. I didn't hear her answer but he told her to keep it down, and that she was disturbing other people.

Thing is... what is she teaching her son about acceptance (lack of, really)?


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## missaf (Feb 17, 2006)

Sadly, parents are the ones who teach stereotypes and bad habits to the next generation that should be more tolerant of others. I'm not saying they have to like it, but they should be tolerant.

Rest assured all parents are NOT like that.


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## PolarKat (Feb 17, 2006)

missaf said:


> Sadly, parents are the ones who teach stereotypes and bad habits to the next generation that should be more tolerant of others. I'm not saying they have to like it, but they should be tolerant.
> 
> Rest assured all parents are NOT like that.



Unfortunately.. too many parents are like that. It's both knowing and unknowingly. I watched my 8yr old neice leturing my mother on why she can't eat candy, A small snippet of that lecture.. "'cuz it will make her fat and ugly, and no-one likes fat people". 
What worries me even more, is how this is going to turn out with her self image down the road..


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## djewell (Feb 17, 2006)

Luckily, my mother taught/teaches me acceptance of all people, with no caveats.


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## RedHead (Feb 17, 2006)

Wow, it always amazes me the way some parents destroy their children. I just hope that child has someone who is a positive force in their life.

I'm not sure I would have been able to keep quiet....good for you!


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## missaf (Feb 17, 2006)

djewell said:


> Luckily, my mother taught/teaches me acceptance of all people, with no caveats.



I teach my son that every person is worthy of respect. While I don't agree with how everyone lives, I respect their right to live the way they want to, and always am courteous and kind. It's paying off. He has friends of every color, and meets new people where ever we go and treats them with more respect than even I get at home! What's more, is he sees fat people as beautiful, too.


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## FreeThinker (Feb 17, 2006)

> "Look at the size of her. Like she needs food from him. That's so sick!"


"You keep your small-minded, intolerant twaddle to yourself, _'lady'_, or I'll hit you so hard, you'll *starve to death bouncing*!"

*Grrr...*


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## gangstadawg (Feb 17, 2006)

Anguisette said:


> Yesterday my significant other (Ahmed) met me at Barnes and Noble in the cafe, where I was banging away on my keyboard, trying to finish an article that was due.
> 
> Anyway...
> 
> ...


umm personally i would have cussed her out and used some words that kids proly shouldnt hear. some thing along the lines of im disgusting have you looked at yo momma latly. (note: becareful talking about peoples momma's some mofos will kick your ass about that so use em at your own risk)


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## gangstadawg (Feb 17, 2006)

also when i go out with a bbw or ssbbw i be waiting for those kinda ass holes. and if the asshole is a guy im gonna kick his head in and because he dont have "ass wooping insurance" his wallet will take a deductable. i live in detroit and i dont have this kinda problem. i hate to turn this into a black/ white thing but in black neighborhoods i really havent had no person get in my face about how big the girl im out with and she is this and that. now in dearborn and livonia which have way more whites i had this problem twice and i almost got arrested.


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## 4honor (Feb 17, 2006)

My 8 year old Dennis-the-Menace look alike puts his skinny little arms around my generous waist, bats his big baby blue eyes at me, and tells me that I am the most beautiful girl in the world and that when he grows up he is gonna marry a girl as pretty as me. And I believe him... he has his eye on the cutest little chunk in his class (Lilly). She is also real sweet and punches anyone who says a cross word to my boy. (He is so going to find himself a strong willed woman.)

Our favorite saying around the house is that God makes "pretty" come in all sizes, shapes and colors.


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## Anguisette (Feb 17, 2006)

I was mentally preparing a polite but indignant retort when the manager stepped in, and frankly-- she would be more likely to learn something coming from a skinny person who obviously thought she was an ass.

As it turned out she was embarrassed. I wonder, though... does she REALLY understand why?


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## RedHead (Feb 17, 2006)

That's my problem; it has not been so bad the older I've gotten; but there was a time in my life I would have gotten up immediiately and told her off in uncertain way. I would of considered the child being there as well...but still! What a Beeyatch!


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## Ash (Feb 17, 2006)

I would have been irate. I probably would have said something like "If your son weren't here, I'd tell you exactly what I think of you. However, *I'm* not in the habit of saying ugly things in front of impressionable children."


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## ataraxia (Feb 17, 2006)

Ashley said:


> I would have been irate. I probably would have said something like "If your son weren't here, I'd tell you exactly what I think of you. However, *I'm* not in the habit of saying ugly things in front of impressionable children."


Not to derail this serious thread, but I read this as "... saying ugly things in front of impressionable *chickens*.":doh:


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## Single26Female (Feb 18, 2006)

I'm sorry that happened to you.

Hugs your way.


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## Anguisette (Feb 18, 2006)

Interestingly, after the fact, a friend pointed out that she was chubby, and with another woman... and what bothered her was my good looking man taking care of me.

Oh yeah... I bet her getting chewed out by another skinny guy, then going home to her Lean Quisine and husband who either ignores her or isn't there anymore was punishment enough.


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## swamptoad (Feb 18, 2006)

It seems like this lady and her friend both lack tact, good manners, and keeping control of outward unpleasant boasts or chit-chat/gossip!

They both need to be "schooled" in what is what isn't: rudeness, politeness, discrimination, prejudice, or belittling.

I just want to know what in the world triggers people to actually act out this type of behavior?!?!?

Humorous quote: "Gossip is when someone lets the chat out of the bag."


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## EtobicokeFA (Feb 18, 2006)

I am sorry that it happen!

The only thing that was sick in that room is her sense of tolerance, and that she was teaching it to her kid.

If it was me, I would ask her why she is teaching her kid such hateful view of people.


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## Anguisette (Feb 18, 2006)

I have a sister in law like this. She is so eaten up with self loathing that it's impossible for her to be kind or positive... or anything good, really.

Toxic people... it's actually quite sad.


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## Rina (Feb 19, 2006)

What astonishes me is the audacity people have to actually speak these thoughts out loud. The harsh reality is that most of the world thinks this, but to actually believe they have the right to open their ignorant mouths and let their words escape. I see many things in the world that i dont agree with - drug addicts hustling for change, parents who I believe aren't parenting properly, rude people hogging seats on the transit with their bags etc, but I contain myself and refrain from blurting out judgements. I'm a supersize woman myself and I often feel quiet judgement and to be honest I'm waiting... just waiting for the day that I hear a single comment so with all the venom in the world, I can step right into their face and say "who the fuck do you think you are talking to?" I see other people feeling embarrassing and recoiling from the spotlight but I'd never let this person off the hook that [email protected]


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## Jay West Coast (Feb 19, 2006)

On the other hand I see guys kiss _skinny _chicks all the time. It's SOOO disgusting! 

However, despite all the condescending things I think in my head, I do keep my trapper shut. We all have viewpoints, but making a scene out of them isn't always necessary. Even skinny girls need love too, apparently.

I tend to get a bit belligerent in a situation like you had, but manage to keep my lid on. Way to go, Ahmed. And, of course, sorry about the incident.


Jay West Coast


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## Red (Feb 19, 2006)

Anguisette said:


> I have a sister in law like this. She is so eaten up with self loathing that it's impossible for her to be kind or positive... or anything good, really.
> 
> Toxic people... it's actually quite sad.





This happened to me one day last year, I have had negative comments here there and everywhere all throughout my life, which generally I ignore, laugh off or reply to with some amazingly witty comment ...but this one struck me as really disturbing and upset me as a child was involved.

I was in a well known plus size store in my local mall, just browsing around near the door. I was looking at belts, when I heard a kid shout 'oi!, you, fat bitch...look at her every one...look!' I ignored this as I thought it was just kids and would just walk on by,, but it continued, getting louder 'oi!, yes you looking at the green belt ...oi fattie!???' it continued, Now, I was fuming at this point trying to get thought of using my lovely green belt as a leathal weapon! I spun round, expecting to see a cocky group of kids, and was greeted by a woman, and a buggy and a small boy by her side (around 7/8 years of age) , the woman was laughing, agreeing with her child, saying 'No, were not going in there, thats where the ugly, fat women buy their clothes' then she just walked off (this was all said very loud, and those malls are damn echoey!) so at this point I was center of attention and very red faced! 

I walked after her and tapped her on the shoulder, and as I was so sickened by the way her child was being brought up, I told her so . She was amazed that I had the gall to comment about her parenting. At this point I was dumbfounded and just looked her up and down, gave her the biggest look of pity I could muster then walked off, just feeling so sorry for the child, what chance does the poor bugger have if his own mother has those terrible views. :doh: 

I guess these things in life just happen, they suck but they happen. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger eh!


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## Fannie (Feb 19, 2006)

missaf said:


> Sadly, parents are the ones who teach stereotypes and bad habits to the next generation that should be more tolerant of others. I'm not saying they have to like it, but they should be tolerant.
> 
> Rest assured all parents are NOT like that.




Unfortunately parents aren't the only "teachers" in our society. 
I have two daughters only a year apart in age (6 & 7). 
My youngest daughter inherited the obesity gene from both her father and I and has been very large since birth. 
We've been to several doctors who all say we can't feed her foods that normal kids would be able to enjoy and we had her on a soy diet for about a year. 

Her sister is an average size and had never been anything but loving with her sister UNTIL she started public school. Since then, my oldest has come home with comments on popularity and "getting skinny" to be more beautiful and popular with the other girls. 

One boy made a rude comment to my youngest in her class and she refused to go into the school for 3 months. I had to go to school with her everyday for several weeks to get her back into school. Even getting her back into school was an issue I had to wrestle with but ultimately I decided that dealing with it directly, while at a young age, is better than allowing her to hide at home. 

I've always told her how beautiful she is, never commented on her weight in a negative way, and have talked to her about how being different is what makes people in the world so wonderfully unique and charming. There are a few other children at her school who are large and they are constantly encouraged to join the school's "walking program" which is every morning before school in the courtyard.

How would you suggest balancing messages of good health and nutrition without being critical of a person's weight and without making it a negative issue?


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## gangstadawg (Feb 19, 2006)

Red said:


> This happened to me one day last year, I have had negative comments here there and everywhere all throughout my life, which generally I ignore, laugh off or reply to with some amazingly witty comment ...but this one struck me as really disturbing and upset me as a child was involved.
> 
> I was in a well known plus size store in my local mall, just browsing around near the door. I was looking at belts, when I heard a kid shout 'oi!, you, fat bitch...look at her every one...look!' I ignored this as I thought it was just kids and would just walk on by,, but it continued, getting louder 'oi!, yes you looking at the green belt ...oi fattie!???' it continued, Now, I was fuming at this point trying to get thought of using my lovely green belt as a leathal weapon! I spun round, expecting to see a cocky group of kids, and was greeted by a woman, and a buggy and a small boy by her side (around 7/8 years of age) , the woman was laughing, agreeing with her child, saying 'No, were not going in there, thats where the ugly, fat women buy their clothes' then she just walked off (this was all said very loud, and those malls are damn echoey!) so at this point I was center of attention and very red faced!
> 
> ...


well in the U.S. we usually beat the hell out of those kinda peeps. the adults not the kids.


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## wtchmel (Feb 19, 2006)

I am truly shocked by this type of incident,yet not suprised, given the society we live in. Honestly in a mllion years, I can never imagine someone saying this to me. I'm big,tall and fat, i just think i give out the scary vibe,people are intimidated by me. I'm also a very outspoken person, so if this did happen, I'd have to confront the bitch and kick her fraken ass!!!!  
This is the crap that has been a key element in my decision to move to the boones(so to speak, no neighbors and all that). The anger I feel rising up, from just reading this is truly scary. I'm getting a visual of the cartoon/artwork with the fat girl super hero flying to the aid of fat rudeness.. Ok, i'm done with the rant.........damn hormones..... 

Oh, and after reading the "what are parents teaching" portion, I had to edit to add, I wouldn't hold back, just say it like it is, right in front of thier kids, let the kids know that thier parents are assholes. Damn this shit pisses me friggen off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Red (Feb 19, 2006)

wtchmel said:


> I am truly shocked by this type of incident,yet not suprised, given the society we live in. Honestly in a mllion years, I can never imagine someone saying this to me. I'm big,tall and fat, i just think i give out the scary vibe,people are intimidated by me. I'm also a very outspoken person, so if this did happen, I'd have to confront the bitch and kick her fraken ass!!!!
> This is the crap that has been a key element in my decision to move to the boones(so to speak, no neighbors and all that). The anger I feel rising up, from just reading this is truly scary. I'm getting a visual of the cartoon/artwork with the fat girl super hero flying to the aid of fat rudeness.. Ok, i'm done with the rant.........damn hormones.....
> 
> Oh, and after reading the "what are parents teaching" portion, I had to edit to add, I wouldn't hold back, just say it like it is, right in front of thier kids, let the kids know that thier parents are assholes. Damn this shit pisses me friggen off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Believe me....I was going to go utterly ape at this woman, but the kid being there held me back, I was so tempted to go nuts but I guess I had just reached a limit of madness and anger that made me feel as if I was in a another universe for a moment. To kill or not to kill! I had to walk away before I spontaneously combusted! *pooooffh*


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## RedHead (Feb 19, 2006)

You know it's amazing how many of us have something like this happen to us...not isolated, but daily.

In my first marriage we went to Hawaii for our honeymoon...now my first husband was a bullet head, 6'3 300 lb mean man. (he looked mean too)

I weighed probably around 350lb at the time...We were headed to the pool and he had to drop something off in the room, so I went ahead. When I entered..immediately this guy starts saying things like "OMG look how fat she is; she humongous" there was a whole speil that he said. NO ONE said a word to him. I put my bag down and walked over to him and (I'm still amazed I didn't get hit, but I would have given as good as I got) asked him what his problem was...he was like whatever fat girl...I have a horrible temper and I start tellin' him off-you know greasy assed tattoed hippy...I said a lot and then started pokin' him in the chest...tellin' him he was a real big man. Needless to say he left the pool area...I walked back to my bag, sat down and burst into tears. THAT'S WHEN EVERYONE COMES OVER to console me.

When my ex-husband got there I told him what happened...he looked for him the rest of our trip without ever finding him.

Now you know that if this was a black person, hispanic, homosexual, lesbian...it would NEVER be tolerated....yet we have to take it. Although I am no longer fat...those wounds didn't heal...I still have those mental scars that I am sure I will carry for the rest of my life!


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## gangstadawg (Feb 19, 2006)

Red said:


> Believe me....I was going to go utterly ape at this woman, but the kid being there held me back, I was so tempted to go nuts but I guess I had just reached a limit of madness and anger that made me feel as if I was in a another universe for a moment. To kill or not to kill! I had to walk away before I spontaneously combusted! *pooooffh*


aw cmon sometimes beating the hell out of a person makes ya feel better. remember to jack wallets to after the kicking and stomping. also remember to kick them one more time and say "one to grow on bitch" then walk away.


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## gangstadawg (Feb 19, 2006)

RedHead said:


> You know it's amazing how many of us have something like this happen to us...not isolated, but daily.
> 
> In my first marriage we went to Hawaii for our honeymoon...now my first husband was a bullet head, 6'3 300 lb mean man. (he looked mean too)
> 
> ...


damn to bad i wasnt with you with your ex. ol boy would have his head cracked.


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## Red (Feb 19, 2006)

I would of pinched her wallet, but I dont think it would of been worth it, she was a pikey looking, cheap, trampy doris with skanky greasy hair. I would of probably only walked away with a few old rizlas and a parking ticket! Would of been fun though!


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## saucywench (Feb 19, 2006)

Rina said:


> What astonishes me is the audacity people have to actually speak these thoughts out loud. The harsh reality is that most of the world thinks this, but to actually believe they have the right to open their ignorant mouths and let their words escape. I see many things in the world that i dont agree with - drug addicts hustling for change, parents who I believe aren't parenting properly, rude people hogging seats on the transit with their bags etc, but I contain myself and refrain from blurting out judgements. I'm a supersize woman myself and I often feel quiet judgement and to be honest I'm waiting... just waiting for the day that I hear a single comment so with all the venom in the world, I can step right into their face and say "who the fuck do you think you are talking to?" I see other people feeling embarrassing and recoiling from the spotlight but I'd never let this person off the hook that [email protected]


 
Ditto that.


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## Sweet Tooth (Feb 19, 2006)

There was a point, before I started accepting myself, when I'd have become embarrassed and taken her nasty words to heart.

Then, when I got into size acceptance, I'd have gotten militant or responded in a nasty way. I realized, though, that people see this as being defensive, so they feel justified in what they said. They'll think that you know you have a problem and so you just lashed out when they confronted you with the truth, because they can't see that they did any wrong and that you therefore lashed out at their rudeness. [On a side note, though, I have to say that as I've become more confident and accepting of myself, I've notice comments far less than before. Do I just not hear them now, because I'm not listening for them? Or do people pick up on my attitude? I'll never know! LOL]

So, I've adopted a new tactic. I laugh at them. Or give an indulgent smile/smirk. [If I'm having a really pissy day, I might give them That Look, which I perfected as a teacher - which scares even my husband on some days.] Usually it's just a chuckle. I'll turn to whomever I'm with and make some witty comment about the situation that only they can hear, but witty enough to make them laugh aloud. It seems to confuse the rude person.

As for the children who are with the parent, I always give them a kind, honest smile. I don't want them to feel hated and judged simply because of their misfortune of being born to a bigot. That's not right either. It's grace-filled and perhaps will give them a positive image of a kind fat woman that they'll remember one day in the future.

Oh, and another thing. I do believe some women just have real issues with fat women having good men. They don't deem us worthy of existence, so why are we surprised when they don't deem us worthy of enjoyable food or handsome companions?


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## Thrifty McGriff (Feb 19, 2006)

Anguisette, reading your experience really got my blood boiling. I.. Bleh. I don't know what to say...


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## AgentSkelly (Feb 19, 2006)

Reminds me when I was with a friend walking around downtown and there was this lesbian couple passoinatly kissing on a bench. We walked by them and then about 5 feet after we went buy them my friend goes "EWWW...how can they do that in public?" with horror


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## MissToodles (Feb 19, 2006)

Sorry it happened. Kris has great advice. A loud "Excuse me?" works well too. Or you can always go the staring route.


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## Jes (Feb 20, 2006)

gangstadawg said:


> aw cmon sometimes beating the hell out of a person makes ya feel better. remember to jack wallets to after the kicking and stomping. also remember to kick them one more time and say "one to grow on bitch" then walk away.



all right, I'm totally gonna do this next time I have the chance. Totes. ONE TO GROW ON, BITCH!

I bet you can all see me saying it, too!


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## Jes (Feb 20, 2006)

AgentSkelly said:


> Reminds me when I was with a friend walking around downtown and there was this lesbian couple passoinatly kissing on a bench. We walked by them and then about 5 feet after we went buy them my friend goes "EWWW...how can they do that in public?" with horror



which is crazy, becuase everyone ELSE in america is totally into lesbians kissing.

what the hell is wrong with this country. we have nothing in moderation. we're either teetotalers or drunks. No one has balance.

ONE TO GROW ON, BITCHES!


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## Anguisette (Feb 20, 2006)

Meh. I really do think it was better to have somebody else support us... she was probably shocked we had friends or that anyone thought differently than her.

Ironically, I am usually very well received wherever I go because I tend to be quite friendly. I'm a writer and was a teacher for years, so I naturally gab and give a smile to strangers. But since Ahmed and I have been together-- 5 years now-- I have gotten a LOT of hostility from women if I am with him.

Which really DOES lead me to conclude it's jealousy, anger, and resentment that all those nights of NOT having dessert, slimfast, weight watchers, etc. didn't pay off for them but all the years of eating what I want and just trying to stay healthy in the shape my body wants to take DID work out for me.

Nanny nanny poooo pooooo!


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## FEast (Feb 20, 2006)

Fannie said:


> There are a few other children at her school who are large and they are constantly encouraged to join the school's "walking program" which is every morning before school in the courtyard.


If my child was at that school, I'd speak to the administration about this. Singling out only the fat children to join the walking program is discrimination, pure and simple, and will undermine their self-confidence badly. 

Since _all_ children can benefit from exercise, they should either make it mandatory for all of them or offer the program to all of them without singling out anybody. Teachers are supposed to be teaching our children what they need to learn. What they're doing (probably without thinking it through...and actually believing they're helping), is promoting discrimination. I doubt that they'd make ethnic minorities sit together in a group apart from the others, or ban the wheelchair-bound child to the back of the class. This is no different.

Good luck to your daughter, Fannie. My heart goes out to her, knowing what she has facing her for many years to come. Thank goodness she has loving, supportive parents. At least she's got that going for her, which many of us did not. You might also want to introduce her to Betsy's book, _THE BIG HAPPY BEAR: FOR CHILDREN OF ALL SIZES_, which I highly recommend.~Bountifully, Fuchsia


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## FEast (Feb 20, 2006)

First of all, Anguisette, your boyfriend, Ahmed, sounds like a real sweetheart. When you're finished with him, can I have him? :wubu: 

While I understand the knee-jerk anger of most of the posters here, I learned a long time ago that while you might feel good letting off steam, all you've really accomplished is to make the offending party frightened of you and think you're crazy. I believe that the best revenge _is_ living well, and could very well have the effect of enlightening someone. 

I couldn't agree more with Sweet Tooth. If I was with a friend when someone attempted to try to make me feel like a piece of garbage under their feet, I'd turn to my friend, shake my head haughtily, and say, "Isn't it sad how ignorant some people are?" I'd say this loudly enough for anyone within earshot to hear, then go on my merry way, laughing with my friend, as if I wasn't giving a second thought to this person or his/her cutting remarks.

If I was alone under those circumstances, I'd be careful whom I was snubbing, but would probably do the haughty head turn, quizzically staring them down, then shaking my head like some people are just too stoopit to get it.

Years ago, a friend I'd met when she and I both served on NAAFA's Board of Directors told us a story of the typical dreaded family gathering. She had a terrific sense of humor, and when a cousin rudely yelled out to her, "Hey, Joyce, did you see the movie _FATSO_?" Without hesitation, she replied, "No. Have you seen the movie _THE JERK_?"  

Beating them at their own game makes me feel _so_ much better than making a spectacle of myself. If I was your b/f, I would have made sure that woman was still looking on in disgust, planted a really big one on you, turn to her with a salacious grin and a wink, and said, "What a woman!" The jealous biddy would have wanted to crawl back under her rock, and her child would have learned that maybe it's not so bad to be fat, after all. The way that woman tried to make you feel is how she'd wind up feeling, only probably worse.~Bountifully, Fuchsia


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## gangstadawg (Feb 20, 2006)

Jes said:


> ONE TO GROW ON, BITCHES!


well i think shes got it.


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## gangstadawg (Feb 20, 2006)

on a slightly related topic with fears mixed in. i saw a show on TV about weird fears and phobias. there was a few weird fears that had to do with other people. there was a fear of black people, white people and even a fear of fat people (the person that had that must of had his or her ass beat by one).


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## Anguisette (Feb 20, 2006)

FEast said:


> First of all, Anguisette, your boyfriend, Ahmed, sounds like a real sweetheart. When you're finished with him, can I have him? :wubu:



LOL, sorry he's a lifetimer. But I do wish I could clone him some days. He's far from perfect, and so am I... but he's the best thing that ever happened to me.

I think I may write about this. The ultimate therapy!!

BTW thanks for the support, everyone.


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## Littleghost (Feb 21, 2006)

I think it's pretty cool that the manager interceeded (?) even if it wasn't to "come to your rescue". She sounds like one of those people that haven't learned the universe doesn't revolve around the earth, much less her. It seems that mothers tend to exploit their position in that they're automatically percieved as 'responsible' and guardians, so that they have to wall off the whole world from their 'fragile darlings'. And yet sadly, any rebuff from the 'offender' is seen as far worse than the actual offender's comments.
I was once in a very cramped line and accidentally elbowed a kid in the eye. I said "oh! Sorry!" and tried to see if he was all right, but he naturally hid behind his mom. She didn't even have the decency to look at me, but did that exclaiming to noone/admonishing thing that "some people don't even apologize after hurting others." I tried to explain, but being as shy as I am, mortified, and she ignored me completely while trying to shame an apology out.
In short, I think some people just need an excuse to feel justified and dish out any bile they've built up.

Hopelessly awkward,
--Littleghost


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## Wagimawr (Feb 21, 2006)

Indeed. And in your story, what part of "oh! Sorry!" didn't she get?

...urge to kill rising... seriously. stupid people suck.


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## TallFatSue (Feb 22, 2006)

Anguisette said:


> Neighbor-table-lady immediately lets out a gasp of horror, a gushy "GOD!" and places herself between us and her young child, who looked about 6 or 7. She then mutters loudly (in order to be heard) "that's so disgusting."


Consider the source. It sounds like another variant of "How dare that fat woman enjoy herself so much!" Some people also feel the need to tear down others in order to build themselves up. And some people are so disgusted with their own lives that they project their own problems onto others.

Then again, sometimes I really am disgusting (wink). My husband & I can get pretty lovey-dovey sometimes, like a couple weeks ago on the beach in St. Thomas he grabbed my big fat bikini-clad tush and I led him on a 2-person conga line into the water. Shake it, baby!



RedHead said:


> I weighed probably around 350lb at the time...We were headed to the pool and he had to drop something off in the room, so I went ahead. When I entered..immediately this guy starts saying things like "OMG look how fat she is; she humongous" there was a whole speil that he said. NO ONE said a word to him. I put my bag down and walked over to him and (I'm still amazed I didn't get hit, but I would have given as good as I got) asked him what his problem was...he was like whatever fat girl...I have a horrible temper and I start tellin' him off-you know greasy assed tattoed hippy...I said a lot and then started pokin' him in the chest...tellin' him he was a real big man. Needless to say he left the pool area...I walked back to my bag, sat down and burst into tears. THAT'S WHEN EVERYONE COMES OVER to console me.


You go girl! I think a lot of jerks behave like jerks (insult fat women, cut in front of others in line, etc.) because they never get consequences for their actions. You gave him consequences and he ran away, suitably chastised. He also probably looked back and saw everyone console you too. He'll think twice in the future before he behaves like an ass.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 24, 2006)

Anguisette said:


> Yesterday my significant other (Ahmed) met me at Barnes and Noble in the cafe, where I was banging away on my keyboard, trying to finish an article that was due.
> 
> Anyway...
> 
> ...



I am so sorry to hear this. It amazes me that in a country which prides itself on freedom, bigotry is so widespread.


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## UberAris (Feb 25, 2006)

Just read the initial post made... but judgeing by the reaction... could there be a hint of jealousy in you perhaps???


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## EtobicokeFA (Feb 25, 2006)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I am so sorry to hear this. It amazes me that in a country which prides itself on freedom, bigotry is so widespread.



This reminds me for a quote I heard. 

"If the majority rules, then explain the fact that over half of the American population is fat!"

The States is a country where most people are taught that fat is gross, ugly and more importantly unhealthy. Excess fat is considered to be a sign that you have a lack of character, willpower and that you can't take care of yourself. 

Like Anquisette we should not hide, but we should stand up for ourselves. Only then can we turn back the tide of bigtry!


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## Anguisette (Feb 25, 2006)

UberAris said:


> Just read the initial post made... but judgeing by the reaction... could there be a hint of jealousy in you perhaps???




I'd be open to considering it if I knew of what I would be jealous.

I don't desire skinny shape. While her kid was cute, I don't particularly want one of those, either. She was really very rude and her focus was, I thought, telling.

Jealous? I am capable of jealousy, but I can't see where you are getting it. Can you elaborate?


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## UberAris (Feb 25, 2006)

I can't really put my finger on it, honestly. Guess you could say its just a hunch...


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## SocialbFly (Feb 25, 2006)

Bigots are made, not born, and you just witnessed how they are taught. Sad!!!


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## Anguisette (Feb 25, 2006)

Ironically-- and nicely, really-- the end result was a feeling of support and blessing on my part.

But I still think about her kid.


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## saucywench (Feb 27, 2006)

Anguisette said:


> I'd be open to considering it if I knew of what I would be jealous.
> 
> I don't desire skinny shape. While her kid was cute, I don't particularly want one of those, either. She was really very rude and her focus was, I thought, telling.
> 
> Jealous? I am capable of jealousy, but I can't see where you are getting it. Can you elaborate?


 
Uhh--I can't see where he's getting it, either. I read his first response, thinking he was directing the "jealous" remark toward the rude stranger at the other table. But, when you asked in this post for him to elaborate, and he did, I am no more clear on what he meant than before.

Care to give it one more shot, Uber Aris? Surely you aren't justifying the stranger's multiple breaks with conventional civility (??!!)


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## UberAris (Feb 27, 2006)

Nah, I give up... I kinda lost my train of thought on this one (sorry!)


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