# ...Sometimes you get tired....



## olwen (Jul 9, 2009)

So three things happened to me this week that have pissed me off.

The first thing: some guy passed me on the street and made rude sexual finger gestures at me. I wasn't wearing anything revealing (a tunic and jeans) so I wasn't sure if he was taking a swipe at my size or actually attracted and acting like a dick. I wanted to turn around and cuss him out but I just sighed and kept walking. That was a couple days ago, and it's still bugging me.

Second thing: that pilates instructor I had on monday assumed I was new to pilates cause of my size. I mean, I came in there with my own mat. I think someone who wouldn't know what to expect wouldn't come into a pilates class with her own mat. Then she saw I wasn't doing all the forms, but didn't bother to come over to me to give me an alternative form. That just pissed me off. 

Third thing: today we had a meeting at work and a chair was pulled up to the conference table that had arms, (kinda looked like a mod style Jetsons type chair) and since all the other seats were taken I had to scramble for an armless chair. Anyway, someone asked what was wrong with the chair. I really had to stifle a sigh and debated for a second whether to say anything or not. I did end up saying the chair was too small, which elicited knowing nods from my other all thin coworkers. It was just a small moment, but it pissed me off. These people have worked with me long enough that they should have noticed all the complaining I've done about those tiny fucking chairs that everybody else loves so much. I hate those chairs. When they are the only ones around I have to sit in them and they make a loud sucking sound when I get up unless I twist before I stand up. I know I could just do the little twist, but it's just annoying to have to do that all the time.


I feel like I should be able to brush off these sorts of things since I'm used to it, but it gets tiring having to deal with stuff like this all the time. I'm honestly not sure how I've been able to deal with it except to note that I kinda don't have much choice. Just grrrr. What if I don't wanna?  

Sorry if I'm whining, but this kinda stuff has been on my mind lately, and my shrink is great, but she isn't fat. It would be nice to get other fat people's opinions, so I'm wondering what everyone else does to cope with this annoying fat people stuff?


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## MIgirl2008 (Jul 9, 2009)

I totally get where you're coming from. I have moments like those all the time. I find the best thing that helps is focusing on the good moments. Like when a guy sends you some positive attention, it makes up for about 5 guys who ignored you or gave you a dirty look. I can relate to the pilates thing too. I belong to a gym, co-ed (which took a while to adjust to), and most of the people who work out there are small, but I really take my work-outs pretty seriously. I feel after having been there for about a year, most of the employees see how hard I work and respect that about me. I can work out just as hard if not harder than some of the much smaller/athletic types--especially if you take into consideration the fact that I'm asthmatic. Sometimes I look at the girls who work out there and think to myself, _wow, I could never be that small no matter how hard I try._ But then I realize, thats how they are naturally, and it would be unnatural if I were like them. I am meant to be bigger regardless. The chair thing sucks no matter how you look at it. You will always have those issues being big, as the world is not meant to fit you, you have to find a way to fit into it. But once again, I try to focus on the good stuff, which can be hard to after going through the same annoying BS day to day.


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## olwen (Jul 9, 2009)

Focusing on the good stuff...lilke a comfy bed and fluffy pillows. I like that.  I actually really relish the moment when I can finally lie down on a comfy bed after a long day. Ahhhh.

Welcome to the boards.


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## Tina (Jul 9, 2009)

You're not whining, olwen, you are righteously fed up. Big difference.

This world, much as us fat people are the majority, is generally not set up for most anyone but thin people.

What do I do to cope? Laugh, usually. More than once I've gone somewhere with inadequate seating and smirklingly said something like, "Can I have an armless chair? My ass and that chair do not get along." That usually elicits a laugh or smile and it's all diffused.

The pilates instructor sounds just plain lame. Maybe she's the one with little experience -- teaching -- if she doesn't know the signs of someone with some experience, and isn't concerned enough about her students to have not just been willing to work with you, but made it her business to.

As for the guy. What I would do would depend on the day and just how much of a smartass mood I was in. Either I'd do what you did, or he'd get something back in sign language...

Sounds like one of those weeks where everything attacked you at once. And let's face it, sometimes people can be SO stupid and thick.

I hear you about bed; I'll be heading off to mine soon myself. It's a comfy, delicious feeling, isn't it?


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## MIgirl2008 (Jul 9, 2009)

Thanks for the welcome. Speaking of comfy beds, there is this hotel in Chicago, Sofitel. BEST BEDS EVER. It's like sleeping on a marshmallow.


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## olwen (Jul 9, 2009)

Tina said:


> You're not whining, olwen, you are righteously fed up. Big difference.
> 
> This world, much as us fat people are the majority, is generally not set up for most anyone but thin people.
> 
> ...



Thanks Tina. You're right the instructor was totally lame. She should know what to do. I've been doing pilates for two years now and my gym has a lot of locations (I can go to any one of them) and each one with a different instructor. Unfortunately she's not the first nor will she be the last to do that. I think that's what pisses me off so much. I know it will be an issue with every new instructor and usually I pull them aside before the class to tell them, hey I won't be able to do some things so if you see me sitting there please give me an alternate. But I was literally two minutes late to that class and didn't get to say that. Even so they should all know. Sigh...I wish there was a gym just for fat people. If I had the know how and the money I'd start one myself. 

Righteous anger sounds way better than whining.  I like that too. And I'm off to go give some much needed attention to my bed too.


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## shinyapple (Jul 9, 2009)

I am right there with you on having had it this week, olwen. I lost my cool with a friend the other night over size-related issues.

This friend is normally very compassionate. Always asks for a table instead of a booth. Drops me off at the door for movies before heading off to the far reaches of the parking lot. However, there are times when it doesn't seem to sink in that I may not be able to do some of the same things. Recently, she's started standing at the top of the stairs outside her apartment, watching and waiting as I climb up rather than just letting me knock on her door. She then asks for the next few minutes if I am okay as I catch my breath. I'm sure she is being considerate in her mind, but after I've told you several times over the course of many days that I am fine and just catching my breath after the climb, it's really time to stop asking.

My final straw was at dinner the other night. A few friends were talking about taking a cruise together. I am not interested in going, nor would I be able to keep up with them on shore excursions if I did. I simply replied that it sounded like they would have a great time, which escalated into an argument about how I *HAVE* to go and why can't I come. Her solution to shore excursions was for me to either: a) stay on the ship and hang out at the pool, or b) get a scooter (which is not going to work for being on a beach). I explained and explained and explained why I did not feel this was the right vacation for me and no, I was not upset about not going and please just go and have fun. It wasn't working and she just kept pushing.

I vented to another friend and I think she caught on. I was tired of feeling like "the fat girl" among them. They are all larger women, but I am the largest. By pressing the issue and refusing to listen to me very clearly explaining my limitations (which is sometimes humbling), she was being disrespectful to me about something that is sensitive. All I asked was that she stop calling attention to my size and what I can or cannot do. I will speak up when I need to. I get enough of being looked at and watched and being made to feel freakish by others without those I trust participating, even if it is unintentional.

Will the message get through? I don't know. For now, I am choosing to meet her in locations other than her apartment to avoid being stared at on the stairs. I've made other plans for the time frame she wanted to plan the cruise for. I keep wondering if I am being overly sensitive, but I do try to be very clear and concise when explaining why I do things a certain way. If I am willing to be open about it, I feel she should be willing to let me handle it without interference or argument.

Sorry this got so long. I started rambling and getting annoyed all over again! I hope this is similar to what you were meaning by the thread topic.


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## marina82 (Jul 9, 2009)

Situations like the ones you described frustrate me to no end. 

When people make rude gestures to me in public whether it be of a sexual nature or otherwise I typically almost always respond with a verbal tongue lashing. It gets rather tiring continuing to be the "BIG GIRL" with the "LOUD FOUL MOUTH" because usually what ends up happening in these situations is that nobody heard or saw the rude gesture that I received but only see and hear me going off on some "smaller" assumingly "innocent" person. That really pisses me off. If I do keep my mouth shut, I end up regretting it, sometimes for only a short period but depending on the situation it can really eat at me for a few days. 

The pilates instructor you had the other day is just plain clueless. 

Your co-workers and the chair issue just makes me shake my head. I often times wonder where peoples common sense is. There must be an obvious lack of it with the individuals you work with if they couldn't understand why you were searching for a chair without arms. I get frustrated having to try and get to every single appointment/meeting I have extra early to try and find a chair I know will accommodate me so that I am not uncomfortable the whole time. I don't mind doing this if its the first time, new situation, unfamiliar setting, etc. However, when I work with people who obviously know I prefer the armless chair by 1. observation of me only sitting in armless chairs and 2. voicing my reasons verbally to all as to WHY i need/want an armless chair, I don't want to have to explain myself again. I find it rather rude if I am questioned about it more than once by the same group of individuals I have explained it to before. I feel as though I am being exploited at times, and or satisfying the want of the individuals to hear me have to say it again...as if it makes them feel better about themselves. 

I'll never forget the time, I was doing a lecture for a group of high school students. I asked the teacher to please provide me with an armless chair to sit in as I waited my turn to speak. She assured me that there would be no problem with that. When I arrived all the armless chairs were taken when I asked her if she could possibly find me one, she carried over a student desk...we all remember that high school desks are connected to chair to desk right? um if i need an armless chair a table connected to a desk isn't going to work for me most likely. 

Anyway, thanks for letting me jump on the bandwagon and vent, I wouldn't call it whining or complaining at all, just simply getting your frustrations off your chest.


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## steely (Jul 9, 2009)

I have found in my experience, most people just DON"T THINK. They only see life from their point of perspective. " I can do this, this and this so everyone should. It's inconsiderate to be sure but when I was smaller I did it far too often myself. I have changed that now and I'm more considerate of anyone who has a hard time, not just fat people. 

As far as rude gestures, that doesn't happen to me. It may be the fact I live in such a small place people know I'm around. They don't pay much attention anymore. I have also put a shield around me, I am polite and kind but I don't even register people very often. I know they are there but I just don't go out of my way to acknowledge. I know it's strange but it keeps the negativity out.

It does get tiring always having to battle for what others take for granted. It's my life though and if I don't stand up and deal, the world just walks right over you. I've done that, too. I have decided that I will not be ignored for needing what I need to get by and if you are friends or family, it's not even a discussion.

I will admit there are days when that bed of mine is what I look forward to in this world. It keeps me going.


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## Tracy (Jul 9, 2009)

steely said:


> Most people just DON"T THINK. They only see life from their point of perspective. " I can do this, this and this so everyone should.
> 
> I have also put a shield around me, I am polite and kind but I don't even register people very often. I know they are there but I just don't go out of my way to acknowledge. I know it's strange but it keeps the negativity out.



I have to agree with Steely and this is how I am when dealing with people!


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## olwen (Jul 9, 2009)

You guys are great. This is exactly the kind of stuff I was talking about. 

Marina, I can't believe she brought you a desk chair - yikes! How can you not be even a little put off about having to explain to someone why you can't sit in a chair? Grrrr

Steely, I actually do tend to tune people out, but in this city that's likely to get you in a bad situation if you are too oblivious, but you don't want to look around too much cause then you look like you don't know where you're going and that can make you a target for a mugging. You need to pay attention to what's going on around you here, and that strategy would work indoors, but not outdoors I think. It will be in my mind from now on tho so thanks.  I know too people don't think, and that's what chaps my hide. I make it a point to be aware of the spaces around me since most of the time I don't fit in them, and I feel like other people should just be aware too. It's like basic physics or something. I don't know....I'm starting to ramble now so I'll stop here.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jul 9, 2009)

olwen said:


> I make it a point to be aware of the spaces around me since most of the time I don't fit in them, and I feel like other people should just be aware too. It's like basic physics or something. I don't know....I'm starting to ramble now so I'll stop here.





They don't think about it because they don't live it. Last year I learned about a term called White Priveledge. Maybe this is skinny priveledge?


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## olwen (Jul 9, 2009)

Yeah, Ella, I've written about thin privilege on my blog actually. That's exactly what it is, and they are similar. I see it all the time too. Just yesterday on the bus, a thin woman tried to sit in a seat between two fat people that she couldn't fit in. It was obvious to me she couldn't fit there, but she threw herself into it and tried to muscle the dudes next to her for shoulder space which wasn't working. She eventually gave up and sat somewhere else. All I could do was shake my head. Maybe she underestimated how small she was. It's just stuff like that.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jul 9, 2009)

Personally if that was me that guy was making a gesture to I would have been a smartass and said something smart to him..I would have shook my head and said thanks but no thanks I need more then a peanut in my bed!

I do understand about getting tired of it all..Sometimes it makes you want to do something stupid just so people will open their eyes and think..I think that is really part of the problem,people do not really open their eyes to see what is happening nor do they think beyond that second..I know about having a closed mind when I have something I need to do..I get tunnel vision and I don't see other things..


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## thatgirl08 (Jul 10, 2009)

Sometimes it's easy to be a proud fat girl and sometimes I just get so fucking sick of feeling like I need to defend myself that I just give up. I think we all have those days.


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## Tau (Jul 10, 2009)

My coping mechanism is not the best or one that I'm particularly proud of but it keeps me sane - better than anything else ever has. When it all gets too much - when I feel like if I have to tell off one more rude shop girl or stare down one more skinny glaring at what I'm eating or what I'm wearing I will shoot somebody - I plan a Cry day. The only people who know about it are my current roomies cos they've had to deal with me having one. And now you guys. I don't have them often - like once every two years or something  I sit, I surround myself with the things I love and that give me comfort - generally good food, dvd's with lots of blood and hot boys like 300, music, my laptop and loads of cupcakes and then I cry. I sob and rage - I wallow in selfpity. I don't wash, literally just leave my room to go to the loo. And I weep and wail and gnash my teeth and hit things. When I'm done I always feel as if I've lanced an infected sore that was sitting on my soul and all the puss and gunk has oozed out and now i can breath again  I'm sure this makes me some kind of total nut case but it helps.


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## olwen (Jul 10, 2009)

Tau, that makes total sense. My version of that is a good cathartic spanking. Just haven't had one of those in a while.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jul 10, 2009)

Sorry Tau but I would think that it is refreshing after all is said and done..I have those days as well..I watch really sad shows or read a really sad book to make myself cry and cry all day..I look horrible the next day but I also feel better because as you say, it is like having a sore lanced off of your soul..


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## steely (Jul 10, 2009)

Olwen, you know I live so far in the middle of nowhere there are barely people to deal with in general.  I see what you're saying though.


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## littlefairywren (Jul 12, 2009)

Some days are always going to be easier than others. 

If I am having a low day and am out and about I just avoid eye contact, that way I don't see the looks and stares that I know I attract and just get on with what needs doing.

On the other hand, if it is one of those days where I feel good about myself and I am having a great hair day, I meet all those stares and dirty looks and basically dare someone to try and spoil my day! It seems to work too!

I can forgive the truely ignorant people who don't realise what it is like living in a fat body, but as for the wankers out there - well there is no help for them:doh:


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## steely (Jul 12, 2009)

Yes, right now! In a diabetic forum I belong to a man says he uses fat people as his motivation to stay on track with his diabetes. This man who was formerly morbidly obese has the audacity to say he looks down on fat people and says "I'm not that anymore as they waddle out." I am furious. The arrogance and insensitivity from a man who was fat himself floors me.

This is the worst type of prejudice to me. That man is a hater, he hated himself fat and now hates others for the same reason. Is it any wonder we get tired? Tired of being hated on from every walk of life.


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