# Do you get annoyed when your partner can't do something because they are fat?



## LadyLeilaBombshell

My other half gets a bit irritated when I don't want to go for a hike with him, or go mountain biking. Do other guys want it both ways? Super active, yet really fat?


----------



## CarlaSixx

I've met guys like that, and my father was like that about my mother. My mother has always been large, which is his preference, but he wanted her active and since she couldn't be, he was always very upset and angry towards her. 

I've ran into guys like that and was quick to show them the curb when it would happen.


----------



## tinkerbell

That just seems off to me, and mean.


----------



## LovelyLiz

I agree with Tinkerbell. And I'm sorry you're experiencing that really disrespectful, unkind behavior, Leila.

Every single person (fat, thin, or whatever) has gifts and limitations, and if the limitations of someone are important enough to be a deal breaker for the other, I think the person should just end the relationship. To frequently make the partner feel inadequate and less-than for what s/he cannot do is unacceptable.


----------



## penguin

If my partner can't understand and respect my physical limitations, then I'd really have to question how much they understood and respected me.


----------



## Tania

It's ridiculous that someone would expect their sigother to be both exceptionally fat and exceptionally active.

I would get annoyed when my ex-husband would complain about his knees and shirk activities - often his own vacations and physically-active projects - because he couldn't keep up, but I weighed more than he did at the time and...I'm not a fat admirer and wasn't expecting him to be or do anything beyond what he claimed was or should be ordinary for him.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Tania said:


> It's ridiculous that someone would expect their sigother to be both exceptionally fat and exceptionally active.
> 
> I would get annoyed when my ex-husband would complain about his knees and shirk activities - often his own vacations and physically-active projects - because he couldn't keep up, but *I weighed more than he did at the time* and...I'm not a fat admirer and wasn't expecting him to be or do anything beyond what he claimed was or should be ordinary for him.



When I go hiking or walking with certain friends, some of whom are less than half my weight, they will need to slow down or turn back sooner than I need to. I don't think that as fat people (especially if we are active fat people) we can expect that all thin people will be in necessarily better or equal shape to us, and with equal or better endurance. Some of my thin friends have way better endurance than me - I'm just saying that it varies. But maybe I'm misunderstanding what you were getting at with your statement above?


----------



## Tania

mcbeth said:


> When I go hiking or walking with certain friends, some of whom are less than half my weight, they will need to slow down or turn back sooner than I need to. I don't think that as fat people (especially if we are active fat people) we can expect that all thin people will be in necessarily better or equal shape to us, and with equal or better endurance. Some of my thin friends have way better endurance than me - I'm just saying that it varies. But maybe I'm misunderstanding what you were getting at with your statement above?



You did misunderstand. My husband was fat too. I was confessing that even as a fat person who was FATTER than everyone else I knew at the time, I still felt that "what? why can't you manage this?" frustration that many thin people seem to feel regarding their fat sigothers...regarding my fat sigother. That's all. The rest of it was a "that said, in my defense I should mention" addendum.

While I primary speak on Dims as a BBW, I do have some perspective from the other side. I feel it's important to explore and express that sometimes.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Tania said:


> You did misunderstand. My husband was fat too. I was confessing that even as a fat person who was FATTER than everyone else I knew at the time, I still felt that "what? why can't you manage this?" frustration that many thin people seem to feel regarding their fat sigothers...regarding my fat sigother. That's all. The rest of it was a "that said, in my defense I should mention" addendum.



Oh yeah, totally. Good points. Thanks for clarifying.


----------



## Tania

mcbeth said:


> Oh yeah, totally. Good points. Thanks for clarifying.



Thanks. Truuuuuuuust me, I know what it's like to be both the fattest and the fittest person in the room.  :*


----------



## tinkerbell

I was thinking about this earlier, after I responded.

Mt biking is freakin hard to begin with, and its even harder when you're fat. I know when I first started I could barely do anything, and was often walking my bike up hills. I was around 230, I think. 

I think that he needs to understand that there are things that are hard on your body because of your weight, and you may not want to do them. But I can understand if he's getting upset or annoyed if you never want to do anything ever with him, but it doesn't sound like that is the case here.

Are there other active things that you CAN do, that you can do together? I think its good to do active things with your partner, and its been such a good thing for my relationship with my husband. We have so much fun together. He also understands my boundaries and knows that I cant do everything as fast, or as good as him (yet anyway ). He's never gotten mad at me for that.


----------



## DeniseW

I get annoyed with myself but my husband never has and never will get annoyed with any limitations I might have. I usually always at least try before I've made up my mind I can't do something, sometimes you surprise yourself at how much you are really capable of....


----------



## jewels_mystery

I had only one boyfriend who was like that. I fractured both my knees years ago and they have never been the same. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't go sking with him. I was willing to go but not get on skis.


----------



## bodaciousroxxie

This is something i will never understand, if a man is attracted to a fat women he has to accept all that comes with that. 

An ex boyfriend once told me he couldn't handle a "special needs" girlfriend, and that he didn't like that i couldn't ride a roller coaster or fit into concert and movie seats whenever we went out. This guy was a feeder/fa, so i didn't understand why he had a problem with these things. But needless to say it was very hurtful.


----------



## Oirish

This attitude has never, and will never, make any sense to me. I do prefer larger women and I am a pretty active guy. I would like to have a significant other that can join me in my favorite activities. However, I acknowledge that many of those activities cannot be shared ones if she gets to a certain size. There has to be realism. I like to hike. It would be ideal for me to date a fat girl who enjoyed the wilderness and would join me in a short hike and then go back to camp to perhaps fish, cook, read, or do anything else enjoyable to her but more stationary while I continue my more strenuous parts of the hike and then return. There are lots of things that the girls in the larger range of what I find attractive would not be able to do. Who is sacrificing more though? The girl who is actually limited from partaking in those activities or me for catering to her needs? Her of course! Anyone saying otherwise is just greedy and invapable of reconciling their fetish versus their reality.


----------



## PunkyGurly74

I remember the first time I was in NYC to visit my now ex boyfriend. I swear he was sort of testing me. We walked i swear to god MILES and spent like 12 hours exploring the city. UP subway stairs, walking at his pace on ice and snow filled streets and if i didn't keep up he would leave me behind. I was not the size I am now...and at the end of the day, he was more exhausted than I was and he looks at me and said "I am surprised you did so well". I should have said then thank you for the visit and left it at that. Because, really, what an ass. If you say you accept me..you accept all of me.

I would love to have someone to take walks, hikes, dog walks. :: shrugs::


----------



## LadyDeelicious

Oirish said:


> I do prefer larger women and I am a pretty active guy. I would like to have a significant other that can join me in my favorite activities. However, I acknowledge that many of those activities cannot be shared ones if she gets to a certain size. There has to be realism. I like to hike. It would be ideal for me to date a fat girl who enjoyed the wilderness and would join me in a short hike and then go back to camp to perhaps fish, cook, read, or do anything else enjoyable to her but more stationary while I continue my more strenuous parts of the hike and then return.



**applause** This is the way that it should be, but in my experience it hasn't. I mean its forced because I just can't keep going for long periods at a fast pace, but the reaction is always *sigh* okay we can rest.


----------



## luvbigfellas

This happens at any size. Like, for instance, I can't help someone move a bigass dresser or something. Why? I can't lift more than 60 or 70 lbs. I'm only all of 130 lbs or so. They'll get mad 'cause I'm not helping. WTF. I guess I'm supposed to break my back. :doh: I've had boyfriends get mad because I asked them very nicely to reach something up high for me once in a while. I didn't want to stand on the chair, 'cause it would scratch the floor, and I wasn't going to dangerously be climbing countertops. 

Just as any sigother has to understand that I really might not be able to reach that, or move heavy furniture, I have to understand that perhaps their body won't move quite that way. I'm short, get used to it. You're a big person, I understand your body won't necessarily have the same flexibility mine does.


----------



## Tau

Tell him to fuck off. People who love you need to be ready to understand all of your limitations and somebody who makes you feel bad about the thing you can't do does not have your best interests at heart.


----------



## Tau

PunkyGurly74 said:


> I remember the first time I was in NYC to visit my now ex boyfriend. I swear he was sort of testing me. We walked i swear to god MILES and spent like 12 hours exploring the city. UP subway stairs, walking at his pace on ice and snow filled streets and if i didn't keep up he would leave me behind. I was not the size I am now...and at the end of the day, he was more exhausted than I was and he looks at me and said "I am surprised you did so well". I should have said then thank you for the visit and left it at that. Because, really, what an ass. If you say you accept me..you accept all of me.
> 
> I would love to have someone to take walks, hikes, dog walks. :: shrugs::



He was a total dick  I don't understand men who, when walking with women who are their significant other walk ahead of them. How?? In what world is that ok to you?? People who walk ahead of me often get ditched as I'm prone to wandering into coffee shops or sitting down when the mood strikes. It's just such incredibly bad manners!


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Tau said:


> He was a total dick  I don't understand men who, when walking with women who are their significant other walk ahead of them. How?? In what world is that ok to you?? People who walk ahead of me often get ditched as I'm prone to wandering into coffee shops or sitting down when the mood strikes. It's just such incredibly bad manners!




Oh, it got worse..and the thing is i would never accept that behavior from anyone...I would be like f you...he had deplorable manners and didn't realize. And I should have ditched him lol I really could have ditched him and I think he wouldn't have noticed.....


----------



## superodalisque

PunkyGurly74 said:


> Oh, it got worse..and the thing is i would never accept that behavior from anyone...I would be like f you...he had deplorable manners and didn't realize. And I should have ditched him lol I really could have ditched him and I think he wouldn't have noticed.....



do you think he was one of those guys who secretly get off on the difficulties and was actually excited by the idea of watching you go through some? or was he really pissed if you couldn't do things?


----------



## PunkyGurly74

superodalisque said:


> do you think he was one of those guys who secretly get off on the difficulties and was actually excited by the idea of watching you go through some? or was he really pissed if you couldn't do things?



He would be very put off and then make comments about how people from the midwest "don't move fast enough" and then if it happened again - he would escalate to huffing, rolling his eyes....but, I kept up for the most part. Some of it was everything new and I was trying to see things...but, other times...let's just say we were in Vegas...I had a temp of 103 and strep throat...as it turns out i had friends out there..they gave me a bottle of cough syrup with codeine... i was drinking that like a flask..sitting straight up...coughing all night..finally day 5 I managed to pass out and he was mad because he didn't get sex..and oh...i did all the driving..out to the desert...etc...and had to act as if i wasn't sick. When i made it home, I didn't move for a week I was that sick.

I think he expects everyone to do what he wants when he wants..he is childish and selfish.


----------



## superodalisque

PunkyGurly74 said:


> He would be very put off and then make comments about how people from the midwest "don't move fast enough" and then if it happened again - he would escalate to huffing, rolling his eyes....but, I kept up for the most part. Some of it was everything new and I was trying to see things...but, other times...let's just say we were in Vegas...I had a temp of 103 and strep throat...as it turns out i had friends out there..they gave me a bottle of cough syrup with codeine... i was drinking that like a flask..sitting straight up...coughing all night..finally day 5 I managed to pass out and he was mad because he didn't get sex..and oh...i did all the driving..out to the desert...etc...and had to act as if i wasn't sick. When i made it home, I didn't move for a week I was that sick.
> 
> I think he expects everyone to do what he wants when he wants..he is childish and selfish.



definitely dump material


----------



## AnnMarie

PunkyGurly74 said:


> I remember the first time I was in NYC to visit my now ex boyfriend. I swear he was sort of testing me. We walked i swear to god MILES and spent like 12 hours exploring the city. UP subway stairs, walking at his pace on ice and snow filled streets and if i didn't keep up he would leave me behind. I was not the size I am now...and at the end of the day, he was more exhausted than I was and he looks at me and said "I am surprised you did so well". I should have said then thank you for the visit and left it at that. Because, really, what an ass. If you say you accept me..you accept all of me.
> 
> I would love to have someone to take walks, hikes, dog walks. :: shrugs::




I can't even imagine this, but mostly because I'm just unwilling to be who I'm not. And I DON'T LIKE HAULING MY ASS ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!! 

I'm fat, real fat, and have had asthma my whole life. It's not horrible, but exercise brings it on. So you put that with my overall hugiosity, and I want to know where I'm walking, about how far... and I walk around - I'll go to stores, run errands, go to work and walk around everyday, but I'm not going to try to do more to prove anything to anyone - and if I was with someone who expected that or sort of goaded me in to that... I'd just be pissed. And frankly, I have been. Dated someone who thought it was funny to try to make me go up 4 flights of stairs instead of using the elevator. 

I get to make those choices... and if someone I'm with can't handle that, then I have no time for them. I want to remain mobile and as active as I can, but I'm not going to hurt myself (joints/muscles, whatever) by overdoing to prove a point. 


Sorry you had to put up with that guy.


----------



## FA Punk

Ewwwwwww...I hate hikeing and rideing bikes! The only thing I like to do outside is fish, anyway whats this guy's deal? I don't get it, hasn't he ever heard the saying ''You can't have your cake and eat it too''. If your partner is a big person I think it be a no brainer she/he can't do things a smaller person can.


----------



## LovelyLiz

FA Punk said:


> Ewwwwwww...I hate hikeing and rideing bikes! The only thing I like to do outside is fish, anyway whats this guy's deal? I don't get it, hasn't he ever heard the saying ''You can't have your cake and eat it too''. If your partner is a big person I think it be a no brainer she/he can't do things a smaller person can.



That last sentence is sometimes true, but sometimes not. There are lots and lots of other variables than someone's size that determine their abilities and limitations.


----------



## Chimpi

If she can do it, and wants to, then I encourage and support. If she cannot do it and/or does not want to, then I support and encourage something else ("No no, that sidewalk doesn't look as comfortable as this chair!"). It's a pretty simple formula for me. Other than my own, I try not to push anyone past their limit unless they'd prefer to excel to something.
Albeit I enjoy doing excessive activities myself, I trend towards encouraging sedentary behavior... or just restful activities.


----------



## Jes

I'm fat, but first and foremost, I'm a human being, an imperfect human being. And I can get annoyed (I'd never say 'hate') with some of the same things that any other person can. Being fat does not make me a Saint, and I doubt it makes anyone else a Saint either. : ) It can be hard, in moments of annoyance, frustration or disappointment, not to let those emotions show. Personally, when I'm feeling that, an acknowledgement from the other person, however small, can really help smoothe things over. And, in return, I try to do the same when I know my behavior is, right or wrong, frustrating someone else. What I'm saying is that a lot of variables in human relationships can't change, but very many of them can with good communication and better, and deliberate, choice-making. No one should be explicitly made to feel shitty by a partner, and no one should give up and go along, either, without some serious conversations about the issue, whatever it is.


----------



## velia

Absolutely never. I accept the limitations of my partner, just as I expect that she will accept mine, whatever they may be. 

The only thing accomplished by huffing, sighing, and throwing a fit is making oneself look like an asshole. If a significant other is being rude or impatient about a limitation related to you being at a size they prefer, then you should seriously consider terminating them as your significant other.


----------



## joey86

Interesting thread, I have to be fit, slim and healthy as part of my job and yeah i am active, but if my GF couldent go on walks or just wanted to be lazy i wouldent mind, in fact id love it hehe.


----------



## mossystate

Shouldn't this thread be on the fa forum? Even if a fat woman likes fat women, that is a ' fa ' issue, as presented by the OP. 

Fa forum.

hehehehehehe


----------



## GlassDaemon

I just really want to respond to this because it relates to a recent situation which is completely positive mind you. My boyfriend of 2 years is a toothpick, I'm the BBW. I want to spend time with my boyfriend, I drag him shoe shopping with me and he silently tolerates it and I figure it's my job as the good girlfriend to do things he wants to do, and recently that was a 4 mile hike. Lol, it wasn't so bad, I like the outdoors, and I'm not huge huge, I'm around 240lbs. 

It was actually my idea to go to the state park cause I know he really wanted to go fishing and I thought it would be cool to make a day of it, pack lunch, do a little hiking, fish and eat (I didn't know it would be a 4 mile hike when I suggested this). It was definitely hard for me, and I don't like to be sweaty but that was a given for this adventure. Regardless of how gross I was after the fact and that my feet were KILLING me (I already have bad feet) I had a lot of fun and got to laugh while a lizard crawled over him (he attempted to catch it and it ended up crawling up his pant leg and over his back and back down the other leg, between his legs and back down, and he never even saw the darn thing, I laughed so hard). I also found a scallop fossil (Calvert Cliffs in Lusby, MD the cliffs are littered with little fossils). We saw quite a few lizards, he picked me a lilly(yea cute but it died in like an hour lol) and we also found a turtle, the only critter he managed to catch!

Definitely something I would do again, but not something my partner would expect me to do often, he knows that.

I guess my moral is that maybe they're not intentionally trying to make you feel bad, maybe they're frustrated that they feel like you don't want to do anything they want to do. Yes, it's hard on you, but is that a reason to veto it? Knowing your partner enjoys it? Now if they want to do this every weekend and never want to do anything with you, I see that as a problem, or if they blatantly insult you and belittle you, yea I get it, but in the same breath you shouldn't use your weight as an excuse to do things you wouldn't prefer doing.


----------



## joey86

mossystate said:


> Shouldn't this thread be on the fa forum? Even if a fat woman likes fat women, that is a ' fa ' issue, as presented by the
> 
> Fa forum.
> 
> hehehehehehe



i must ask what does OP stand for? must have my dopy head on.


----------



## LovelyLiz

joey86 said:


> i must ask what does OP stand for? must have my dopy head on.



OP = Original Poster. 

The person who started the thread.


----------



## AnnMarie

joey86 said:


> i must ask what does OP stand for? must have my dopy head on.




Original poster.


----------



## joey86

Lol thank you, really didnt no that .


----------



## mossystate

joey86 said:


> Interesting thread, I have to be fit, slim and healthy as part of my job and yeah i am active, but if my GF couldent go on walks or just wanted to be lazy i wouldent mind, in fact id love it hehe.



You'd love if she _couldn't_ go on walks, which is different than being ' lazy ' ? It would be glorious if she literally didn't have the energy/ability to walk much? Is that right up there with loving when a fat woman breaks a chair? 

jesus


----------



## Jes

joey86 said:


> i must ask what does OP stand for? must have my dopy head on.



this is my new favorite expression: must have my dopey head on.

i will most likely have occasion to use this at least 10 times a day.


----------



## Adrian

I don't get angry when there is something my wife can't do. She worked very hard (raising six children) continues to work hard and if there is something she needs assistance, I realize she is not faking. It doesn't matter if the request, pick-up something heavy, to open jar, reach something on the upper shelf, to walk slower or not so far, etc. I comply.
If my wife was not married to me, she would be a lot smaller than she is now! So, I help out where I can. I serve her where and when I can, she has my complete support!
I used to do the washing of cloths until my wife found out that when I wash the white items T-shirts, white sheets, etc. I also included the white cotton cloth diapers! :doh: Hey, it was white... correct? It wasn't my only blunder but, I was fired anyway from that task!


----------



## mossystate

Adrian said:


> If my wife was not married to me, she would be a lot smaller than she is now! So, I help out where I can. I serve her where and when I can, she has my complete support!



Would she like to be a lot smaller than she is? I mean, does being helped with some household chores ( the house being both your resposibility, I assume, at this stage in life ) make it all worth it? I am talking about for her. I already know you were on-board. Does she post on Dims? She might enjoy it...and there are some nekkid man threads, or so I hear, on the sexuality board!:bow:


----------



## Sweet Tooth

GlassDaemon said:


> <snip> I guess my moral is that maybe they're not intentionally trying to make you feel bad, maybe they're frustrated that they feel like you don't want to do anything they want to do. Yes, it's hard on you, but is that a reason to veto it? Knowing your partner enjoys it? Now if they want to do this every weekend and never want to do anything with you, I see that as a problem, or if they blatantly insult you and belittle you, yea I get it, but in the same breath you shouldn't use your weight as an excuse to do things you wouldn't prefer doing.



This is an interesting point. When I dated one ex, he was far more into nature, hiking, stuff like that than I am. Could I do it? Yes, although with some difficulty because I have left ankle/knee problems and hate sweating...walking in climate controlled places where I can look at pretty baubles is far more my style. Of course, I did a walk-a-thon when we were together, and walked 7+ miles which was very tiring but I did it.

I'm fortunate that he had tried dating the much smaller BBW years before, someone who had a lot of hobbies in common with him, and found that he preferred dating someone who was more his preference and finding friends to hike with instead. Win-win. I've dated some guys who weren't so considerate and would rather be pissy than make the effort to develop the friendships that would be conducive to engaging in such hobbies. It was far easier for some to be relationally lazy and complain about stuff. :\

My frustration comes from *wanting* to do stuff with SOs or friends - like amusement parks or fairs - and knowing it's not necessarily a matter of desire/will/ability but a matter of fitting somewhere. The bruises for days after, if I can fit at all, is just not always worth it. Of course, I also get frustrated that I'd like to have more stamina and am willing to do the exercise to have it. However, those knee/ankle issues have caused me significant pain and so I feel like I'm not even able to do the stuff I'd be willing to do [regular workouts] to make me more capable of being more physically active in my social life.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

Guess its a good thing you aren't huge :huh:



GlassDaemon said:


> I just really want to respond to this because it relates to a recent situation which is completely positive mind you. My boyfriend of 2 years is a toothpick, I'm the BBW. I want to spend time with my boyfriend, I drag him shoe shopping with me and he silently tolerates it and I figure it's my job as the good girlfriend to do things he wants to do, and recently that was a 4 mile hike. Lol, it wasn't so bad, I like the outdoors, and I'm not huge huge, I'm around 240lbs.
> 
> It was actually my idea to go to the state park cause I know he really wanted to go fishing and I thought it would be cool to make a day of it, pack lunch, do a little hiking, fish and eat (I didn't know it would be a 4 mile hike when I suggested this). It was definitely hard for me, and I don't like to be sweaty but that was a given for this adventure. Regardless of how gross I was after the fact and that my feet were KILLING me (I already have bad feet) I had a lot of fun and got to laugh while a lizard crawled over him (he attempted to catch it and it ended up crawling up his pant leg and over his back and back down the other leg, between his legs and back down, and he never even saw the darn thing, I laughed so hard). I also found a scallop fossil (Calvert Cliffs in Lusby, MD the cliffs are littered with little fossils). We saw quite a few lizards, he picked me a lilly(yea cute but it died in like an hour lol) and we also found a turtle, the only critter he managed to catch!
> 
> Definitely something I would do again, but not something my partner would expect me to do often, he knows that.
> 
> I guess my moral is that maybe they're not intentionally trying to make you feel bad, maybe they're frustrated that they feel like you don't want to do anything they want to do. Yes, it's hard on you, but is that a reason to veto it? Knowing your partner enjoys it? Now if they want to do this every weekend and never want to do anything with you, I see that as a problem, or if they blatantly insult you and belittle you, yea I get it, but in the same breath you shouldn't use your weight as an excuse to do things you wouldn't prefer doing.


----------



## GlassDaemon

fatgirlflyin said:


> Guess its a good thing you aren't huge :huh:



I don't know what to take of that... sorry if I was insulting somehow? Or am I considered really big? Honestly, I really don't know.


----------



## Jes

GlassDaemon said:


> I don't know what to take of that... sorry if I was insulting somehow? Or am I considered really big? Honestly, I really don't know.



I suspect Fat was reacting to your 'i'm not huge huge' statement. Putting something that way makes it sound like a judgemental comparison, i.e., 'I'm only xxx, not giant fat like xxx,' which isn't a sensitive thing to post on a site where a lot of people are, indeed, giant fat like xxx.


----------



## Fallenangel2904

This reminds me a lot of my ex. I consider myself a pretty active fatty- I guess living in NYC hasn't really given me a choice since I have to walk alot all over the place, climb subway steps etc. My ex was super super fit, like run 2 miles a day, eat a high protein and veggie diet fit. Obviously that's not so much me lol. That wasn't even the issue, but it was just he would expect me to keep up with him when we walked, did things etc. I'm like DUDE I'm like 2 of you, don't expect me to walk at your pace! We would walk around NYC and he would just speed walk and expect me to keep that pace, jog up the steps with him- I can do it but NOT at your pace. It still frustrates me to think about it. Very insensitive, I used to get annoyed, looking back I wish I were more vocal about it. I should mention that he was/is a FA, would talk about how much he liked fat chicks, but yet your not being fair to them. I remember even saying to him a few times 'Um I'm fat. I walk slower then you, chill out' because he would get a bit annoyed if I couldn't keep up, or would get winded. Ehh....guess it's best that relationship failed lol. Actually looking back it's getting me pissed all over again lol.

Never will I understand a guy who likes fat chicks not being tolerant to the NEEDS of fat chicks :shakes head:


----------



## bigmac

I have to admit that I sometimes do get annoyed at some of my wife's habits -- like calling me on my cell phone when we're in the same house or circling the parking lot for a closer space. I understand that she got into such energy saving habits when she weighed over 500 pounds but now that she's much smaller they no longer seems necessary. I try not to make a big deal but I do get annoyed.


----------



## CastingPearls

bigmac said:


> I have to admit that I sometimes do get annoyed at some of my wife's habits -- like calling me on my cell phone when we're in the same house or circling the parking lot for a closer space. I understand that she got into such energy saving habits when she weighed over 500 pounds but now that she's much smaller they no longer seems necessary. I try not to make a big deal but I do get annoyed.


They no longer seem necessary to YOU but for whatever reason, they seem necessary to her.

At one time I weighed nearly 700 lbs. I lost half in a very unhealthy manner over a very short period of time. I did it not to be thin but to be regarded as a human being and not invisible or an open target of hate and derision.

During the weight loss because of my own actions, I became very ill and the repercussions of that still exist today. I wanted desperately to have a life but now was dealing less with a mobility issue as with, now, a chronic fatigue issue among other things.

I'm not saying your wife has chronic fatigue. She's probably perfectly healthy knock wood but those little things like driving around and around looking for a close space are little leftovers and small comforts I clung to then and are still familiar to me now, not easily discarded. 

The irritation and annoyance of others only makes us more acutely aware and self-conscious of how irrational it may seem to them, but it's something that is part of us for whatever reason and I'm sure you have your own idiosyncrasies that are not very charming, yourself. 

We're only human.

And tender mercies cost nothing.


----------



## bigmac

CastingPearls said:


> They no longer seem necessary to YOU but for whatever reason, they seem necessary to her.
> 
> At one time I weighed nearly 700 lbs. I lost half in a very unhealthy manner over a very short period of time. I did it not to be thin but to be regarded as a human being and not invisible or an open target of hate and derision.
> 
> During the weight loss because of my own actions, I became very ill and the repercussions of that still exist today. I wanted desperately to have a life but now was dealing less with a mobility issue as with, now, a chronic fatigue issue among other things.
> 
> I'm not saying your wife has chronic fatigue. She's probably perfectly healthy knock wood but those little things like driving around and around looking for a close space are little leftovers and small comforts I clung to then and are still familiar to me now, not easily discarded.
> 
> The irritation and annoyance of others only makes us more acutely aware and self-conscious of how irrational it may seem to them, but it's something that is part of us for whatever reason and I'm sure you have your own idiosyncrasies that are not very charming, yourself.
> 
> We're only human.
> 
> And tender mercies cost nothing.



You're totally right --and I do try not to act annoyed.

My wife does have some health issues resulting from botched WLS that almost killed her. Luckily they're not too serious.

And regarding my idiosyncrasies -- my oldest daughters have created a multi-page list.


----------



## Tracyarts

" I understand that she got into such energy saving habits when she weighed over 500 pounds but now that she's much smaller they no longer seems necessary. I try not to make a big deal but I do get annoyed. "

It's the same way with us. I tend to underestimate my mobility and stamina when we're out doing things. It's like my mind hasn't caught up with my body yet and I'm operating under the assumption that I still have the same level of physical limitations that I had at my highest weight. My husband has to push me through it and try and convince me that I will be just fine on foot in certain places. I don't really believe him when he's saying it, and make him cart the wheelchair along just in case. But when I do manage on foot just fine, I surprise myself. Maybe she's experiencing a bit of the same, her mind hasn't caught back up with her body yet. 

Tracy


----------



## GlassDaemon

Jes said:


> I suspect Fat was reacting to your 'i'm not huge huge' statement. Putting something that way makes it sound like a judgemental comparison, i.e., 'I'm only xxx, not giant fat like xxx,' which isn't a sensitive thing to post on a site where a lot of people are, indeed, giant fat like xxx.



Ah, I see, well I am sorry, in my defense, I'm new to the site and am a rather blunt person and this site's atmosphere had me thinking everyone was very comfortable and quite aware of their size/appearance. I'll try not to be so blunt.


----------



## bigmac

We all went to the beach yesterday (we need a bigger car four more than full-sized people and two babies in a Taurus just ain't working). Anyway, my wife didn't have any problem hiking through the sand about a quarter mile and then down to frolic in the ocean with our two year old. No annoyances just a little sunburn.


----------



## TheMrs

If your partner isn't mature enough to realize and be aware of your limitations, then I would say it's his issue. Surely, if you've been together any length of time they realize your limits.
Maybe an indepth discussion is needed. I think people who've never encountered more than a casual relationship with any person of size, simply don't know or think about things like seating, parking, even simple getting from point A to point b for some people. As for someone IN a relationship already, no excuses.


----------



## AbeCross

My gf, who is short and large, was very physically active, but since we started dating, she doesn't ever want to do anything physical... I can't get mad at her, she is who she is and I love her. 

This past week we found out that he constant pains are because of a pinched nerve in her back...so guys, if you are upset with your lovely BBW because of their weight, you need to cut 'em some slack!


----------



## MissAshley

My fiance is overweight but he can do anything that a thin person can do. He doesn't believe that fat has to limit mobility.


----------



## mossystate

But fat does often limit mobility. It is not a matter of " I don't believe... ". Saying this smacks of ' If a fat person tries, they can do ____ '...which is not always true. We need to be viewed as being able, while also dealing in realities that present themselves. Your fiance doesn't win any prize. He is not a better fat person. Sorry, but there is something really judgey in that post, even though you probably don't see it.


----------



## MissAshley

mossystate said:


> But fat does often limit mobility. It is not a matter of " I don't believe... ". Saying this smacks of ' If a fat person tries, they can do ____ '...which is not always true. We need to be viewed as being able, while also dealing in realities that present themselves. Your fiance doesn't win any prize. He is not a better fat person. Sorry, but there is something really judgey in that post, even though you probably don't see it.



I do agree with you. I'm not saying I think he's right, even though he can do it, I don't think it goes for everyone.


----------



## mossystate

MissAshley said:


> I do agree with you. I'm not saying I think he's right, even though he can do it, I don't think it goes for everyone.



So this is his opinion, and yet you, a thin woman, come to the bbw forum to tell fat women _his_ take on things? I don't get it, Ashley.


----------



## MissAshley

mossystate said:


> So this is his opinion, and yet you, a thin woman, come to the bbw forum to tell fat women _his_ take on things? I don't get it, Ashley.



Yeah I offered his take on it. I was curious what some of you thought of that.


----------



## mossystate

MissAshley said:


> Yeah I offered his take on it. I was curious what some of you thought of that.



That's not what this thread is about. Why not start a thread on the fa forum, since you are a fa.


----------



## MissAshley

mossystate said:


> That's not what this thread is about. Why not start a thread on the fa forum, since you are a fa.



Oh ok. Whoops sorry about that.


----------



## Chomskyesque

So wait, I don't get it. Am I, a FA, not allowed to this post, which is relevant to me, because it's on a BBW thread? All threads are members-only? No malice intended, only curious.


----------



## mossystate

I personally think this thread is iffy for this forum, as it invites people this protected forum was not intended for, to come in and complain about the fat woman they are with...and yet I cannot, as a fat woman ( who is not a ' fa ' ), go to the fa forum and post similar things. But it is being allowed, so as long as you keep to the topic and understand you might get feedback you don't like from actual fat women...post away.


----------



## TheMrs

Ashley's bf while a BHM is still young enough that the affects of carrying around all the extra weight hasn't bothered him yet.
Rest assured, it will eventually. I've always been larger. Thru my 20s I could do almost anything someone else did. 
I'm lucky to still be active and mobile but it does get harder. 
So, I'll cut the boy some slack, he ain't walked a mile in my cute wedge heels


----------



## collared Princess

Good question..glad you brought this up..one of the reasons my x boyfriend ( we all know who he is ) said that one of the reasons on his side that our relationship dissolved was because I didn't keep the house clean ..not to his expectations..well son you can't have it both ways..
Thanks for posting..


----------



## LoveBHMS

Unless I'm missing something, isn't this the Main Board?

Also, the title of the thread is "Do you get annoyed when your partner can't do something because they are fat?"

_Your Partner_

So the thread is directed at FAs and not at fat women.


----------



## BitsySpider

LoveBHMS said:


> Unless I'm missing something, isn't this the Main Board?
> 
> Also, the title of the thread is "Do you get annoyed when your partner can't do something because they are fat?"
> 
> _Your Partner_
> 
> So the thread is directed at FAs and not at fat women.



Um, doesn't "your partner" imply that it's directed at ANYone with a fat partner, not just FAs?


----------



## butch

the thread was moved from the BBW Forum recently so that non-BBWs could respond.


----------



## LoveBHMS

BitsySpider said:


> Um, doesn't "your partner" imply that it's directed at ANYone with a fat partner, not just FAs?



Whether you're an FA or not, the thread was directed to partners of fat people, not fat people themselves. It didn't say "do anothers get annoyed by your limitations."

For what it's worth, the annoyance might break down between FA and non-FA. An FA would be used to a fat person's limitations or even enjoy them whereas a non-FA might be more likely to be annoyed or frustrated.


----------



## Tad

LoveBHMS said:


> For what it's worth, the annoyance might break down between FA and non-FA. An FA would be used to a fat person's limitations or even enjoy them whereas a non-FA might be more likely to be annoyed or frustrated.



One would hope so....but just because someone is sexually attracted to fat people does not guarantee they'll be understanding of their limitations :doh:


----------



## BitsySpider

LoveBHMS said:


> Whether you're an FA or not, the thread was directed to partners of fat people, not fat people themselves. It didn't say "do anothers get annoyed by your limitations."
> 
> For what it's worth, the annoyance might break down between FA and non-FA. An FA would be used to a fat person's limitations or even enjoy them whereas a non-FA might be more likely to be annoyed or frustrated.



Oh, I didn't mean nonFas (as I don't know why one would be on this board much less this thread anyway), I meant isn't it possible that a BBW also had a large partner, perhaps larger than herself so why shouldn't be allowed to answer?


----------



## CastingPearls

LoveBHMS said:


> Whether you're an FA or not, the thread was directed to partners of fat people, not fat people themselves. It didn't say "do anothers get annoyed by your limitations."
> 
> For what it's worth, the annoyance might break down between FA and non-FA. An FA would be used to a fat person's limitations or even enjoy them whereas a non-FA might be more likely to be annoyed or frustrated.



FA's are human beings, and can be just as intolerant as anyone who isn't an FA. FA's are defined only by their love of fat people and assigning special characteristics and properties like automatically tolerating limitations is akin to magical thinking. Non FA's are often intolerant of their SO's limitations--do they get a pass too because they like their bodies? 

Also, this thread was originally posted in the BBW forum which is protected, so it's natural a BBW would think it was an appropriate place for discussion. The volume of inane thread titles is legion and people will read content and reply how they see fit. It was moved to the main board but it HASN'T been moved to the FA board which means anyone with something to add (regardless of whether or not it's relevant to others) can contribute, including BBWs who like fat men.


----------



## Donna

LoveBHMS said:


> Whether you're an FA or not, the thread was directed to partners of fat people, not fat people themselves. It didn't say "do anothers get annoyed by your limitations."
> 
> For what it's worth, the annoyance might break down between FA and non-FA. An FA would be used to a fat person's limitations or even enjoy them whereas a non-FA might be more likely to be annoyed or frustrated.



I don't know...some FAs have been known to mock or disparage fat people. Using your logic, one would assume that shouldn't happen. But it does happen. 

As for the topic at hand, as a BBW and FA, I can say no it would not annoy or frustrate me. I have limitations, though, so I am looking at it from a different perspective. I become frustrated with myself for not being able to do certain things...but that is a different subject for a different thread and board.


----------



## CrazyGuy13

I would do my best to not ever get annoyed that someone can't do something due to physical limitations. I'm not a fat guy, but I'd still be upset/annoyed with someone if they were not understanding to me not be able to do something, regardless of if it's size related.


----------



## bigsexy920

I think that its the love of FAT that creates the issue here. In my experiences only, not saying ALL FA's 

BUT - 

FA's are attracted to you for your fat... BUT they become all consumed by the beauty of your fat, they don't always see you as a whole person. So they after get their rocks off on your fat and they want to take a hike or a walk on the beach or a weekend get away, go to the movies, go out to eat ( your get the idea)and realize there are logistical issues. it feels like more of a hassle to them because they haven't really fallen in love with the person so much as having fallen in love with the fat. 

I would also like to add that AGE is a factor too. I could do a hell of a lot more 10,15,20 years ago. Now that I'm getting older, I do have more limitations just like anyone thin of fat would have as they get older. 

So be patient with us cause when it comes down to it, where there is that guy that loves you just as you are it can be great.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

LoveBHMS said:


> Whether you're an FA or not, the thread was directed to partners of fat people, not fat people themselves. It didn't say "do anothers get annoyed by your limitations."



This is the attitude that does such a disservice to people that post here. Not yours specifically Loves, but the this post was directed at bbw/fa only. It doesn't really feel like we communicate anymore since every post gets put in one protected forum or another. I want to be able to tell someone he's being a dick if he is, and not have to worry about the mods deleting or sending a pm reprimanding me. I also think that some posts that end up in the bbw forum could benefit from FA input. 

People can learn from each other when they actually interact with each other, and no good can come from coddling people that need to be told to wake up and enter the real world.


----------



## butch

fatgirlflyin said:


> This is the attitude that does such a disservice to people that post here. Not yours specifically Loves, but the this post was directed at bbw/fa only. It doesn't really feel like we communicate anymore since every post gets put in one protected forum or another. I want to be able to tell someone he's being a dick if he is, and not have to worry about the mods deleting or sending a pm reprimanding me. I also think that some posts that end up in the bbw forum could benefit from FA input.
> 
> People can learn from each other when they actually interact with each other, and no good can come from coddling people that need to be told to wake up and enter the real world.



That brings up two points:

a) if you feel a topic is misplaced on a protected board, contact the mods, who may move it (like what happened with this thread)

b) if you think a topic would benefit from being on the main board instead of a protected board, then start a new thread on the main board about that topic, in order to get all perspectives.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

butch said:


> That brings up two points:
> 
> a) if you feel a topic is misplaced on a protected board, contact the mods, who may move it (like what happened with this thread)
> 
> b) if you think a topic would benefit from being on the main board instead of a protected board, then start a new thread on the main board about that topic, in order to get all perspectives.



maybe I didn't make the point I was trying to make, I think with the exception of a few topics all threads are better served by allowing everyone to participate in the discussions. 

I know that I can report threads to mods I just wish it wasn't needed.


----------



## butch

fatgirlflyin said:


> maybe I didn't make the point I was trying to make, I think with the exception of a few topics all threads are better served by allowing everyone to participate in the discussions.
> 
> I know that I can report threads to mods I just wish it wasn't needed.



i do too, which is why I think the second idea may not be as well known to folks, and would be worth doing in order to get that free flowing discusssion going about all kinds of issues.


----------



## Fox

I wouldn't get mad at my heavy partner if there were things she couldn't do. That's actually another reason I like BBW/SSBBW. I'm sure there are a lot large women out there who could benefit from having strong and active fellow like me around. :happy:


----------



## mossystate

butch said:


> b) if you think a topic would benefit from being on the main board instead of a protected board, then start a new thread on the main board about that topic, in order to get all perspectives.



This. Nothing is stopping people from doing just this, while still allowing the people on ' protected ' forums to have a more unique conversation which is not a lesser conversation...just different.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

fatgirlflyin said:


> maybe I didn't make the point I was trying to make, I think with the exception of a few topics all threads are better served by allowing everyone to participate in the discussions.
> 
> I know that I can report threads to mods I just wish it wasn't needed.



Not to derail, but I've been away for a while,and I am confused. Are we not allowed to post in threads on the specific protected forums if we're not a member of that group anymore? I thought it used to be as long as you weren't being insulting or trying to tell BBW or FA/FFA how to think and feel on their particular board, it was OK for anyone to post in a thread. Did that change? So now I can't put anything on a thread in the BBW board, even if it's relevant, on topic and completely sensitive and non-F/FA can't post to a thread I start on the F/FA board? :huh: And how do we know who is what? Is there a test? We have lots of fat FA/FFA here. I feel I've missed something.

To actually answer the question, no I don't get annoyed with a partner's limitations. As long as he doesn't have a problem with me doing those things on my own/with someone else, it's cool. Actually, even the one time I dated a really athletic guy, we still didn't do any sports/outdoor stuff together because we liked completely different activities. He didn't like to hike, I didn't like taking long jogs on the beach. So there you go.  You should have stuff you like to do together as a couple and separately too. I think it's unhealthy to do everything together anyway. As far as walking and things, I walk too fast, I know, I try not to but it just happens, sometimes I just forget. BUT it only takes a quick, "hey slow down" for me to slow down and get embarrassed that I was walking too fast AGAIN. Seriously, I just usually feel like an ass in that situation, because it makes me feel like I was being insensitive, but again, I just need to be told/reminded by the person. It's not an annoyance thing and I'm not trying to push anyone to walk faster. I just have a fairly fast natural walking speed. Also, different fat people have different limitations, so I'm not always going to assume I know someone's limits based entirely on their size. I know some very active fat people and some athletic fat people, so I try to follow the other person's lead.


----------



## ConnieLynn

I don't get annoyed by the physical limitations of others. 

I'm also not shy about making a partner aware of my limits. I don't expect them to be mind readers

I DO get annoyed if I have to remind a partner of my limitations multiple times and they don't pay attention. Yes, I've had this happen with FAs, so FAdom is not a magic wand


----------



## bigmac

bigsexy920 said:


> ...
> 
> FA's are attracted to you for your fat... BUT they become all consumed by the beauty of your fat, they don't always see you as a whole person. So they after get their rocks off on your fat and they want to take a hike or a walk on the beach or a weekend get away, go to the movies, go out to eat ( your get the idea)and realize there are logistical issues. ...



Excellent point. The FA/BBW world is indeed full of conflicts and paradoxes. Every FA is going to have to work out for him or her self what kind of logistical issues and limitations they can live with. We can't predict the future 100% and even the most able bodied person can become disabled -- but we can assess the present. If walks on the beach or bicycle riding or other such moderate activity are important to an FA he or she had best not enter a relationship with a truly supersized person. If the FA sexually desires supersize partner he or she has some soul searching to do. They're going to have to choose between bicycle riding around the park and huge jiggly rolls.


----------



## tonynyc

bigmac said:


> Excellent point. *The FA/BBW world is indeed full of conflicts and paradoxes. Every FA is going to have to work out for him or her self what kind of logistical issues and limitations they can live with*. We can't predict the future 100% and even the most able bodied person can become disabled -- but we can assess the present. If walks on the beach or bicycle riding or other such moderate activity are important to an FA he or she had best not enter a relationship with a truly supersized person. *If the FA sexually desires supersize partner he or she has some soul searching to do*. They're going to have to choose between bicycle riding around the park and huge jiggly rolls.



*I* bolded your specific comments.. so true .. not only will one have to workout those conflicts and it's also being creative - as others have said- to include physical activities that fit within the boundaries of your partner and that both can do as a couple...


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dr. P Marshall said:


> SNIPPED
> To actually answer the question, no I don't get annoyed with a partner's limitations. As long as he doesn't have a problem with me doing those things on my own/with someone else, it's cool. Actually, even the one time I dated a really athletic guy, we still didn't do any sports/outdoor stuff together because we liked completely different activities. He didn't like to hike, I didn't like taking long jogs on the beach. So there you go.  You should have stuff you like to do together as a couple and separately too. I think it's unhealthy to do everything together anyway. As far as walking and things, I walk too fast, I know, I try not to but it just happens, sometimes I just forget. BUT it only takes a quick, "hey slow down" for me to slow down and get embarrassed that I was walking too fast AGAIN. Seriously, I just usually feel like an ass in that situation, because it makes me feel like I was being insensitive, but again, I just need to be told/reminded by the person. It's not an annoyance thing and I'm not trying to push anyone to walk faster. I just have a fairly fast natural walking speed. Also, different fat people have different limitations, so I'm not always going to assume I know someone's limits based entirely on their size. I know some very active fat people and some athletic fat people, so I try to follow the other person's lead.



Regarding the walking bit, do you hold hands with your partner when you walk? I find that's a good way of keeping the pace relatively similar and walking together, if one person tends to walk at a much faster pace, or even if not. Just keeps the bodies more in synch.


----------



## Tad

As mostly a side note, sometimes it is hard to change habits. When we met, my wife and I naturally walked at the same, moderately quick, pace. Walking together was a real pleasure and and it took no attention to be in sync. 

When she was near the end of pregnancy she slowed down, but that was easy to remember. But later, she got used to walking at toddler speed, and her 'natural' walking speed slowed down. On the rare occasion we got to go walking together she kept having to ask me to slow down. It felt like it was just us again, and I'd never had to think about walking speed when we were together, for many years. It was really hard to remember to remember to slow down.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

mcbeth said:


> Regarding the walking bit, do you hold hands with your partner when you walk? I find that's a good way of keeping the pace relatively similar and walking together, if one person tends to walk at a much faster pace, or even if not. Just keeps the bodies more in synch.



With a partner, I'm likely to actually hold the arm, you know, link arms rather than hand hold, and you're right, it does help. I honestly have never gone a really long time walking too fast, it's more likely to happen if I'm leaving a building with someone or we get out of the car and start walking towards a building or something. In other words, when it's not just the two of us walking side by side for a while. I'm not so insensitive as to walk for blocks and blocks without realizing my partner or friend has fallen behind.  I just mean, I've been known to walk too fast a short, short distance and have been told "hey, slow down."


----------



## Sleepy

No I never get annoyed because my wife can't do something because she is heavy. Actually, it is part of the excitement of being with her. I love her and it's just us.


----------



## mossystate

Sleepy said:


> No I never get annoyed because my wife can't do something because she is heavy. Actually, it is part of the excitement of being with her. I love her and it's just us.



Does your wife get upset or sad when she finds she can't do something she would like to do?


----------



## MistahSmooth_CT

I have never personally gotten mad at my partner because she was too big to do something, we just did things that she could do. I'm not going to do something alone if I can't have her there... it's just crazy


----------



## jakub

LadyLeilaBombshell said:


> Do other guys want it both ways? Super active, yet really fat?



No.
Maybe on other planet with different gravity....


----------



## Ho Ho Tai

LadyLeilaBombshell said:


> "Do you get annoyed when your partner can't do something because they are fat?"



No more than she becomes annoyed at me when I can't do something because I am old. I am nearly 74, she is 20 years younger, but (until recently) 60 lb. heavier. I am quite fit for my age, working out regularly. I can't hike as I once did (peripheral neuropathy) but we are both demons on the bike trail. Her extra weight and our age difference make us pretty close to equals in athletic capacity.

However, she is determined to lose weight. This was triggered by the realization that, at age 53, the fun and games of being overweight can't go on forever. She has also had a few knee and hip twinges - so far, not structurally serious, according to her doctor. 

in the last six months she has dropped over 20 lb . It has made a big difference in how she feels, how she performs on the job, how she sleeps, and how she rides. On bikes, the only thing holding her back is having to wait for me.

Yeah, I'm an FA and find myself dealing with mixed emotions. She has been pretty much the same weight during the 21 years we have been married. I can certainly understand why she would like to get back to the weight she was 30 years ago (around 175) and I certainly support her in this. We both believe that it will help her live a longer, happier, more energetic life. Of all her dimensions, I am most interested in the dimension of time. Compared to that, weight and circumference are distance second and third.

But there is no denying it. I will miss that lovely round tummy, snuggling into the hollow of my back. But maybe I won't have to miss HER.


----------



## LeoGibson

Dr. P Marshall said:


> With a partner, I'm likely to actually hold the arm, you know, link arms rather than hand hold, and you're right, it does help. I honestly have never gone a really long time walking too fast, it's more likely to happen if I'm leaving a building with someone or we get out of the car and start walking towards a building or something. In other words, when it's not just the two of us walking side by side for a while. I'm not so insensitive as to walk for blocks and blocks without realizing my partner or friend has fallen behind.  I just mean, I've been known to walk too fast a short, short distance and have been told "hey, slow down."



This is exactly me.I tend to do this to my wife even after 14 years together.I do it not out of meanness,I just don't always think about the fact that she's 5'2 and I'm 6'0 and for every one of my steps she has to take 2 or 3 and she always had to tell me to slow down.But it was usually on the times you just mentioned about leaving a place or getting out of a car and going into a place.When we are on a walk together we sync up.To fix the other part,I just started walking behind her and letting her set the pace.Not only do I not leave her behind,I get to walk around and constantly check out dat ass

As far as the general question of the thread goes,anyone that gets mad because a partner can't do something physically is a jackass plain and simple.I get annoyed when mine won't do something I know she could if she wanted to,but refuses.But what kind of A-hole would I be for instance going back to the height differential, if I told her to get something down from up high and to figure it out,when I could easily walk up and reach it?Same with any physical limitation.If you don't realize there are some things your partner can't do and you still want them to do it anyway and get aggro if they don't.Then you're an assclown.:doh:


----------



## GlassDaemon

mcbeth said:


> Regarding the walking bit, do you hold hands with your partner when you walk? I find that's a good way of keeping the pace relatively similar and walking together, if one person tends to walk at a much faster pace, or even if not. Just keeps the bodies more in synch.



I usually hold hands or lock arms with whoever I'm hanging out with cause after my broken foot of last year and the following surgery I can't walk as quickly, even a year later, if I try to walk too fast I just end up limping. So they walk my pace or they take off and wonder where I am because I absolutely will not struggle to keep up with people. 

My weight is not what hinders me, my point of this post is that there are other reasons a person could be limited and people always seem so much more considerate of those reasons. The only time a persons limitations bug me is when I'm in a grocery store and there is someone who is capable of walking in an electric wheel chair and I'm not even going to get into that because it will make me angry.


----------



## TexasTrouble

GlassDaemon said:


> The only time a persons limitations bug me is when I'm in a grocery store and there is someone who is capable of walking in an electric wheel chair and I'm not even going to get into that because it will make me angry.



I'm not sure I'm understanding this: do you mean you get frustrated when people you're with use a wheel chair when you think they can walk? Because, if not, I don't know how you can KNOW what someone is capable of physically just by looking at them.


----------



## CastingPearls

GlassDaemon said:


> The only time a persons limitations bug me is when I'm in a grocery store and there is someone who is capable of walking in an electric wheel chair and I'm not even going to get into that because it will make me angry.



If you acknowledge that it's a limitation, how do you know that they can walk? I know a lot of people who don't look sufficiently disabled to satisfy the assumptions of more able bodies but whether they look it or not is beside the point. If they can't they can't. And walking from a car to a motorized scooter or wheelchair doesn't mean they're not disabled.


----------



## GlassDaemon

Lol, I KNEW that comment was going to cause chaos. It is a personal thing that irks me like when people don't push in their chairs and I'm not going to fight this argument because I know to many of you it won't be a valid point.


----------



## Surlysomething

GlassDaemon said:


> The only time a persons limitations bug me is when I'm in a grocery store and there is someone who is capable of walking in an electric wheel chair and I'm not even going to get into that because it will make me angry.


 
Wow. So you're able to gauge someone's medical issues with just a glance? You could make a lot of money doing that. 

I have MS and there's no way you can tell that I have it. You might want to reassess your thought pattern.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Surlysomething said:


> Wow. So you're able to gauge someone's medical issues with just a glance? You could make a lot of money doing that.



LOL. A lady I know -- who is otherwise a lovely, sweet, rabid pit bull of an attorney-- gets absolutely furious when she sees a fat person in a motorized wheelchair. She maintains that they should walk -- she is certain this would assist them to lose weight  -- and let those who are genuinely disabled (by which I assume she means people without legs) use the chairs.


----------



## GlassDaemon

Dr. Feelgood said:


> LOL. A lady I know -- who is otherwise a lovely, sweet, rabid pit bull of an attorney-- gets absolutely furious when she sees a fat person in a motorized wheelchair. She maintains that they should walk -- she is certain this would assist them to lose weight  -- and let those who are genuinely disabled (by which I assume she means people without legs) use the chairs.



*cough* 

If an individual doesn't want to lose weight or they like their size, that's fine, but don't take something from someone who as Feelgood says, doesn't have legs. I know there are things that aren't so obvious to cause limitation, I have my own that aren't so obvious. I just don't believe we should summit and make excuse, I try my hardest to be the best I can be and I HATE to see other people cave or give in.



Surlysomething said:


> Wow. So you're able to gauge someone's medical issues with just a glance? You could make a lot of money doing that.
> 
> I have MS and there's no way you can tell that I have it. You might want to reassess your thought pattern.



Yes, I'm that awesome. No, I doubt I'll be reassessing, I've known more than one person with MS, you'll get no pity from me, beg elsewhere.


----------



## TexasTrouble

GlassDaemon said:


> *cough*
> 
> If an individual doesn't want to lose weight or they like their size, that's fine, but don't take something from someone who as Feelgood says, doesn't have legs.



I would think most people without legs or who are paralyzed would already have a personal wheelchair that they would be bringing from home, so they wouldn't need a store's chair. Even if they don't, I still have never heard of a an epidemic of legless or paralyzed people being unable to get around stores because of less "deserving" people using all the available chairs.

Anyway, I'm just glad I can walk and I figure people have their own reasons for using the chairs and it's none of my business.


----------



## GlassDaemon

TexasTrouble said:


> I would think most people without legs or who are paralyzed would already have a personal wheelchair that they would be bringing from home, so they wouldn't need a store's chair. Even if they don't, I still have never heard of a an epidemic of legless or paralyzed people being unable to get around stores because of less "deserving" people using all the available chairs.
> 
> Anyway, I'm just glad I can walk and I figure people have their own reasons for using the chairs and it's none of my business.



What if it just happened? What if they can't afford a power chair? What if? I'm sorry, I do not think weight is a reason to use an electric chair. All I see it as, is an excuse to be lazy.


----------



## CastingPearls

LMAO Surly asking for pity....oh God that's rich.

Hey..seriously...you may not know this or may not even care but there are a lot of people here (on this planet) who LOOK really good and able and wish they didn't need a, what my mom, who owned one, called a 'weenie wagon'. She was FAT and beautiful and opinionated and had her own pet peeves, like you. 

She also was heartbroken because on the outside she was gorgeous but on the inside she was battling debilitating cancer and she loved to shop and missed it. It took a lot of convincing for her to use one. I used to walk behind her to reach for the things on the top shelves and I saw the stares of disapproval and the words of contempt. But she had the fucking guts to go to the store anyway in spite of that and have some fun and some semblance of a normal life until she lost her battle with cancer. Was she supposed to clear it with people that she had some valid reason because she was also fat, so there might have been some confusion?

Now I fight chronic fatigue but I get it, you don't want to hear about anyone's health problems because you have your own. It's more than a pet peeve or issue though... It's a prejudice which is in itself an ugly disability.


----------



## GlassDaemon

CastingPearls said:


> you don't want to hear about anyone's health problems because you have your own. It's more than a pet peeve or issue. Its a prejudice which is in itself an ugly disability.



You don't get it apparently, because you still felt the need to throw your own personal problems at me. You wanna fight with fire, I've got a list too, but that doesn't really matter. I will not ask for your pity or throw it at you by listing my own personal problems.

I won't go up to those people and tell them to get the hell out of the chair and walk. I will silently seethe because it is just a pet peeve. If you think it's anything else, than you're taking another persons opinion way to seriously and need to back up from the screen.


----------



## CastingPearls

GlassDaemon said:


> You don't get it apparently, because you still felt the need to throw your own personal problems at me. You wanna fight with fire, I've got a list too, but that doesn't really matter. I will not ask for your pity or throw it at you by listing my own personal problems.
> 
> I won't go up to those people and tell them to get the hell out of the chair and walk. I will silently seethe because it is just a pet peeve. If you think it's anything else, than you're taking another persons opinion way to seriously and need to back up from the screen.


I do get it. The biggest personal problem I see here is your inability to feel compassion for a specific group of people. Silently seething--your words. I didn't even have to add anything. You speak quite well for yourself and so do I. In case you missed it, you're entitled to your opinions and so am I and that's what we're both doing. Maybe you should consider backing away from the screen yourself because I see both of us up here at the buffet line.


----------



## GlassDaemon

CastingPearls said:


> I do get it. The biggest personal problem I see here is your inability to feel compassion for a specific group of people. Silently seething--your words. I didn't even have to add anything. You speak quite well for yourself and so do I. In case you missed it, you're entitled to your opinions and so am I and that's what we're both doing. Maybe you should consider backing away from the screen yourself because I see both of us up here at the buffet line.



Lol, alright, I can respect that. It's an issue I feel passionately about, and I have my personal reasons for it, it's not something I'm going to think differently about and I admit I got quite offended when Surly tried to tell me how I should think. 

However, I still think you're off, I do feel compassion, it's why it angers me so much, I hate to see people give up. Someone whose just fat, using an electric wheel chair, in my eyes, is someone whose given up. Mobility is important and maybe people just don't realize how important until they've lost it. You haven't lost it when you merely choose to use an electric chair, but permanent loss is just around the corner at that point.


----------



## mossystate

You can't know, just by someone using a wheelchair or a scooter in a store, that they have " given up ". You can't know if that is THE only way they can do ALL what they need/want to get done. You can't know if they can handle a certain amount of walking, and they need to reserve their energies at times. You don't know what kind of moving they do elsewhere. You see one...one...thing...and you start foaming at the mouth. You can't know. And at the end of the day, that fat person is out and about and using what is there for them to use. 

Oh, and one of my sisters has one leg, but she still uses the handicap parking spaces in front of stores! She uses crutches so she can certainly park away from the store. She is just beyond the pale. She may very well be taking that spot away from someone with NO legs!!


----------



## GlassDaemon

mossystate said:


> You can't know, just by someone using a wheelchair or a scooter in a store, that they have " given up ". You can't know if that is THE only way they can do ALL what they need/want to get done. You can't know if they can handle a certain amount of walking, and they need to reserve their energies at times. You don't know what kind of moving they do elsewhere. You see one...one...thing...and you start foaming at the mouth. You can't know. And at the end of the day, that fat person is out and about and using what is there for them to use.
> 
> Oh, and one of my sisters has one leg, but she still uses the handicap parking spaces in front of stores! She uses crutches so she can certainly park away from the store. She is just beyond the pale. She may very well be taking that spot away from someone with NO legs!!



*Facepalm* Argument is over, we've already encountered this point and I've told the last person how I feel about it, I'm not going to repeat myself. You can go back and read my previous posts if you're still not satisfied. It doesn't matter how many people are against me, my opinion remains the same. I can make you REALLY hate me,


----------



## mossystate

GlassDaemon said:


> *Facepalm* Argument is over, we've already encountered this point and I've told the last person how I feel about it, I'm not going to repeat myself. You can go back and read my previous posts if you're still not satisfied. It doesn't matter how many people are against me, my opinion remains the same. I can make you REALLY hate me, if you wanna hear my thoughts on retards though. *Evil laugh*



Well, wasn't really looking for anything more from you...diferent stuff or the same stuff. I wasn't looking to change your opinion. This is a messageboard, where people have their say. 

As for the last bit...you go girl. You be all ' outrageous '.


----------



## GlassDaemon

mossystate said:


> Well, wasn't really looking for anything more from you...diferent stuff or the same stuff. I wasn't looking to change your opinion. This is a messageboard, where people have their say.
> 
> As for the last bit...you go girl. You be all ' outrageous '.



My apologies then, it seemed it was directed at me so I responded, what with all the "You's" thrown in there. And yes, I am quite outrageous... I think I like that word.... almost as much as I like "awkward" .....


----------



## mossystate

GlassDaemon said:


> My apologies then, it seemed it was directed at me so I responded, what with all the "You's" thrown in there. And yes, I am quite outrageous... I think I like that word.... almost as much as I like "awkward" .....



You just keep out of those chairs.

:bow:


----------



## ConnieLynn

Squelch


----------



## Donna

GlassDaemon, I pity you. It usually makes me sad when I encounter someone like you...someone so bereft of common human decency as to make such broad brush judgements about people you know nothing about. However, I can't feel sadness for you. Nor anger. Just pity. 

Your "silent seething" is misplaced. How about directing that razor sharp wit of yours on someone who stereotypes others for oh, being fat? Or perhaps being "retarded," as you so colorfully put it. By the way, are you aware the use of the "r" word is considered the same as making a racial or ethnic slur? I know it is difficult to think outside of your own myopic view, but I assure you if you ever do, you may have a change of heart. Maybe. 

Seems to me, for someone who says she hates to see people give up, you have given up on some things as well. And that is why I pity you. I don't say this in a preachy judgemental way, but I am sure that must the tone you are reading. I can live with that.


----------



## GlassDaemon

Donna said:


> GlassDaemon, I pity you. It usually makes me sad when I encounter someone like you...someone so bereft of common human decency as to make such broad brush judgements about people you know nothing about. However, I can't feel sadness for you. Nor anger. Just pity.
> 
> Your "silent seething" is misplaced. How about directing that razor sharp wit of yours on someone who stereotypes others for oh, being fat? Or perhaps being "retarded," as you so colorfully put it. By the way, are you aware the use of the "r" word is considered the same as making a racial or ethnic slur? I know it is difficult to think outside of your own myopic view, but I assure you if you ever do, you may have a change of heart. Maybe.
> 
> Seems to me, for someone who says she hates to see people give up, you have given up on some things as well. And that is why I pity you. I don't say this in a preachy judgemental way, but I am sure that must the tone you are reading. I can live with that.



Okay, you win. First let me correct you, I meant literally mentally challenged people when I said "retarded" it didn't really relate to this thread, just another nasty thought process I have.

When I was... 14, I believe, my grandmother came to live with me, she was missing her left leg and the big toe on her right foot, because of that she had NO balance. Her left arm was completely and utterly useless, she had to physically move it with her right arm. She was not a big woman, in fact she was a rail. 

For a long time she didn't have a power wheelchair, my mother had to fight with the company to give her one because we couldn't afford it. My grandmother was house bound because every time we tried to go somewhere there were never any available chairs for her to use. If someone was not always with her to push her around and there were no power chairs available she couldn't get around so often times we didn't bother. 

Last year I broke my foot, the break site was so fragile I wasn't even allowed to rest the cast on the ground. I'm not a physically strong person, crutches were difficult for me. When I went shopping I always took the regular wheel chair because I felt like I was at least doing something for myself, instead of being a lazy tard just cause I gots me a booboo. This experience opened my eyes to the importance of mobility and makes me pity anyone who doesn't FIGHT with all their strength and will to overcome physical weaknesses. 

My grandfather was a douche bag, when my grandmother (his wife) passed away, he couldn't have cared less, he didn't even go to her funeral. He had very little contact with my mother (his daughter) and what he did have was to try his hand at getting any money my grandmother might have left behind. He fought for the electrical chair, though he was perfectly capable of walking. In six months or less he could no longer walk, in less than a year he died. 

My mother's good friend has MS, the woman... honestly I didn't even know what it was until I met this woman, I remember watching her trying to walk. It hurt me to see someone struggle like that, but it didn't matter because she was WALKING! That, in and of itself is something to be admired, that is power.

Is this what you wanted to hear? My sob story? You can take your pity and shove it. Now, will you leave me alone about why I think the way I do?


----------



## violetviolets

LadyLeilaBombshell said:


> My other half gets a bit irritated when I don't want to go for a hike with him, or go mountain biking. Do other guys want it both ways? Super active, yet really fat?



This is annoying to me because even skinny girls might not _want_ to go biking or hiking or things like that. I realize it is different if you _cannot_ do something physical such as that but even in that case maybe you can compromise by doing something physical together but not as challenging. He shouldn't get upset in any case, just go with his friends or something. I don't go out to movies I hate with my boyfriend if he asks but he doesn't get upset, he goes with his friends so they can enjoy themselves. Then we can go together to one we both can enjoy. To be honest I wouldn't go hiking even though I probably could, but I might go for some other outdoorsy thing if he wanted me to go with him.


----------



## butch

Thank goodness that the attitude she shows is rare in Maryland, the state she lists as her location, because my fat and disabled mother lives in Maryland, and when she uses those chairs in the store, people are kind and helpful to her. When, like my mom, you've got rods in your spine and even that doesn't improve your mobility, fat or not, you have every right to use a motorized scooter in a store.

I know the pile on has already happened, and the instigator is unrepentant, but I had to add on, knowing what I do about my own mom, and the shame she had to overcome because of attitudes like that about fat people and disability, as if no thin person has ever been disabled for the same reason my mom has.


----------



## LovelyLiz

I had a friend who was thin, but had a neuromuscular disorder (that you couldn't see at all from looking at her). When in a tall building she'd take the elevator up only one or two floors, people would glare and sometimes even say something about her being too lazy to take the stairs.

We really have no idea what people are dealing with (as I know has already been said 100 times in this thread). But the world is a better place when we treat each other, fat or thin or whatever, with graciousness.


----------



## Surlysomething

GlassDaemon said:


> Yes, I'm that awesome. No, I doubt I'll be reassessing, I've known more than one person with MS, you'll get no pity from me, beg elsewhere.


 
Excuse me? Where did I ask for pity? Haha. I think you need new meds.

The "awesome" part of you is how truly unaware you are with the way the world works and i'm totally going to attribute that to your age. One day I think you might get what we're trying to say. But you go on ahead and bitch back at me because that's your only defense mechanism. Trust me, people are looking at YOU all the time and judging you. Why? Because they can.

Good luck with your shitty attitude.


----------



## GlassDaemon

I've stated my reasons for my thought process though I tried very hard to carry on an argument without my own personal problems(As I see that as a guilt trip, thus why I say Surly was asking for pity), since no one seems to see that, or care to respond to that, well then of course I don't have an defense when it's ignored lol.... 

I'm aware of the fact that people judge me, I judge the fat person leaning on a cart and panting with pride, because at least they're trying. Judging isn't always negative. The same can't be said for the morbidly obese person in the electric chair, odds are their physical weaknesses are due to their size. 

If a person wants to be that size, if they want to be incapable of movement, fine, but buy you're own electric chair, don't use the ones the stores offer for those that don't have one. And don't you dare try to get funding for it because that's coming out of people's taxes and from people who actually NEED help.

I never once said fat people don't have physical problems for reasons other than their size, stop accusing me of that. 

You're right in that it is a very visual thing, I don't know, which is why I don't confront these people. I just hope it's not because they're too fat to carry themselves anymore, but it's hard to believe otherwise when I can go through a store and literally every single one of the chairs is taken by a very fat individual.

Being fat is not an excuse to be lazy. My attitude is not shitty, it's cold, hard, blunt and most importantly realistic. Not every fat person has a problem that makes it so they can't walk, in fact, a very small percent do, comparatively, of course. 

I am young, but if you think that makes me blind to the selfishness that go on around me.....


----------



## Lamia

GlassDaemon said:


> I've stated my reasons for my thought process though I tried very hard to carry on an argument without my own personal problems(As I see that as a guilt trip, thus why I say Surly was asking for pity), since no one seems to see that, or care to respond to that, well then of course I don't have an defense when it's ignored lol....
> 
> If a person wants to be that size, if they want to be incapable of movement, fine, but buy you're own electric chair, don't use the ones the stores offer for those that don't have one. And don't you dare try to get funding for it because that's coming out of people's taxes and from people who actually NEED help.
> 
> 
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> You expect sympathy for your sob story when you disrespected Surly in such a callous manner about her MS? Good luck with that.
> 
> This is the wrong place to be hating on morbidly obese people or are you unaware of where you're at?
> 
> We can go anywhere online to hear about how we're lazy useless members of society we don't need to read it here.
> 
> So you can express your opinion freely just be prepared to have many hostile reactions and little sympathy since you don't have any for anyone else apparently.


----------



## mossystate

Glass, how did you break your foot that gave you the " lil booboo "? 

And, when you say you took the regular wheelchair, was it your personal wheelchair, or did you take it from someone who could use it more than you...seeing how you could have bought ( or been given by the hospital ) a pair of crutches. I mean, you swell with pride when you see someone sweat and struggle...so why didn't you allow others to admire you?


----------



## Surlysomething

Lamia said:


> You expect sympathy for your sob story when you disrespected Surly in such a callous manner about her MS? Good luck with that.


 
I love that I never said anything derogatory about my disease. I only mentioned that you couldn't tell I have it.

I might very well be in a wheelchair one day and if I catch anyone staring at me with disdain because I look like I should be able to walk, they're going to be handed their ego on a silver platter once I rip their f'ing head off.


----------



## Lamia

Surlysomething said:


> I love that I never said anything derogatory about my disease. I only mentioned that you couldn't tell I have it.
> 
> I might very well be in a wheelchair one day and if I catch anyone staring at me with disdain because I look like I should be able to walk, they're going to be handed their ego on a silver platter once I rip their f'ing head off.



I have the perfect garnish for that it's some guys eyes I removed because he said he couldn't stand to look at my fat ass.


----------



## GlassDaemon

Don't throw my sob story back at me unless you're going to read everything I posted before it, I struggled to make my point valid without ever mentioning my reasons, since I was not given the chance and everyone seems so desperate to know my personal reasons I gave it to you. People were screaming for my pity long before I said anything about my problems. 

It was my personal wheelchair, thanks. My grandmother's to be fair, but since she passed away everything was left to my family. 

I know exactly where I am, I'm a fat person too unless you didn't catch that. Or am I not allowed to be here because I question a fat person in an electric chair? lol

I broke my foot by tripping, yep, I was born with a crappy pair of feet that are always twisting and spraining and screaming in pain beneath me.


----------



## mossystate

If you didn't have that wheelchair, what would you have done in order to do what most people need to do? I am asking these questions, because you are doing the old, " this is OK...this is not...I do this...I know someone who does that...you do exactly this...you do exactly that ".


----------



## GlassDaemon

mossystate said:


> If you didn't have that wheelchair, what would you have done in order to do what most people need to do? I am asking these questions, because you are doing the old, " this is OK...this is not...I do this...I know someone who does that...you do exactly this...you do exactly that ".



I understand, and I would have used my crutches(Given to me by the hospital just to keep everything in the open), because I did use them as much as I physically could, till tears were in my eyes. I crawled up and down the stairs in my own home instead of just sleeping downstairs. I hopped into the bathroom. I put a bucket in the shower so I could clean myself without any help. I succeeded in becoming completely independent because it was important to me. I'm fighting a losing battle because apparently I'm the only one who thinks mobility is important.


----------



## MisticalMisty

GlassDaemon said:


> I'm fighting a losing battle because apparently I'm the only one who thinks mobility is important.



Do you think those of us with limited mobility asked for it and relish in it?

Do you think that it's not hard to be in your early 30's and know that you can not do as much as you could before or as much as a person 10 years older than you?

You pass judgement that isn't yours to pass. Not every person wants to eat themselves to immobility. Not every person has control over their weight and their body.

I have a disease that causes weight gain. I've had it my entire life and have watched myself balloon to almost 400 lbs at one point. 

We face enough discrimination and judgement from others outside this community. This is a place where we can come together to improve the life of fat people all over the world.

You're 21. Hopefully, with time and through experiences you will learn to be accepting of all people, fat, thin, disabled and those who have the luxury of full mobility.

Someday, when the shoe is on the other foot, I hope that your eyes are finally open.


----------



## cinnamitch

mossystate said:


> Glass, how did you break your foot that gave you the " lil booboo "?
> 
> And, when you say you took the regular wheelchair, was it your personal wheelchair, or did you take it from someone who could use it more than you...seeing how you could have bought ( or been given by the hospital ) a pair of crutches. I mean, you swell with pride when you see someone sweat and struggle...so why didn't you allow others to admire you?



She broke it sticking it in her mouth evidently.


----------



## GlassDaemon

GlassDaemon said:


> I never once said fat people don't have physical problems for reasons other than their size, stop accusing me of that.
> 
> I am young, but if you think that makes me blind to the selfishness that go on around me.....



Yea I'm quoting myself for, MisticalMisty.


----------



## GlassDaemon

cinnamitch said:


> She broke it sticking it in her mouth evidently.



:\ That was uncalled for. If you don't want to argue with me fine, but that was unnecessary.


----------



## cinnamitch

GlassDaemon said:


> :\ That was uncalled for. If you don't want to argue with me fine, but that was unnecessary.



deal with it. To me your comments were uncalled for.


----------



## MisticalMisty

GlassDaemon said:


> Yea I'm quoting myself for, MisticalMisty.



But yet, you still pass judgement on those very people for using a cart at a grocery store?

The only selfishness seems to come from within you. 

Better pick another shovel, that one seems to be doing a hell of a job for you.


----------



## GlassDaemon

GlassDaemon said:


> You're right in that it is a very visual thing, I don't know, which is why I don't confront these people. I just hope it's not because they're too fat to carry themselves anymore, but it's hard to believe otherwise when I can go through a store and literally every single one of the chairs is taken by a very fat individual.
> 
> Being fat is not an excuse to be lazy.



Wait, got one for that too, MisticalMisty.


----------



## Surlysomething

GlassDaemon said:


> People were screaming for my pity long before I said anything about my problems.


 

Nobody wants your bloody pity. I could give a shit if you dragged yourself up stairs to get to the bathroom to prove something to...someone? Yourself? 

You are in the wrong place if you think we're all going to commend you for your views. This is a place of acceptance, not judgement. And especially not the judgement you're doling out.

Give yourself 20 years. Haha. You're going to be the most bitter person on the block. And coming from me, that's saying something.


----------



## GlassDaemon

Surlysomething said:


> Nobody wants your bloody pity. I could give a shit if you dragged yourself up stairs to get to the bathroom to prove something to...someone? Yourself?
> 
> You are in the wrong place if you think we're all going to commend you for your views. This is a place of acceptance, not judgement. And especially not the judgement you're doling out.
> 
> Give yourself 20 years. Haha. You're going to be the most bitter person on the block. And coming from me, that's saying something.



You're such an angry person, the bathroom remark was in response to a specific question if it doesn't concern you, you needed respond to it as... well it wasn't directed at you.

I'm not expecting to be commended. :\ Where did that thought come from? I'm merely defending myself. 

I doubt I could ever compete with you in being biter. lol.

Edit: I also want to add, to be fair, yes I realize I pulled the pity card to when I listed all my personal problems, of course they were blatantly ignored so what difference did it make! Lol. Every time someone mentions their health problems to me they're asking me to pity the fact that they have problems and I should be considerate to that. And saying that comment is going to cause a whole new war even though I've stated several times and I'll state again that I recognize that people do have problems and not all fat people are using the chairs just cause they're lazy. *sigh*


----------



## mossystate

GlassDaemon said:


> I understand, and I would have used my crutches(Given to me by the hospital just to keep everything in the open), because I did use them as much as I physically could, till tears were in my eyes. I crawled up and down the stairs in my own home instead of just sleeping downstairs. I hopped into the bathroom. I put a bucket in the shower so I could clean myself without any help. I succeeded in becoming completely independent because it was important to me. I'm fighting a losing battle because apparently I'm the only one who thinks mobility is important.



Please start connecting some dots here. Please. 

Not that I am going to go to a place that dictates what people shouldshouldn't do...however...how do you know that those people you sneer at in a grocery store are not in tears at times, doing the best they can when you are not around? 

You don't care about wanting people to be as mobile as possible. You can call it tough love and keepin' it real...but it's just more ignorance. Really caring doesn't look like this...at all.


----------



## MisticalMisty

GlassDaemon said:


> Wait, got one for that too, MisticalMisty.



Being very fat takes a toll on ones body. Just because you aren't that fat yet...doesn't mean you won't be and you won't feel the pain, and sometimes shame and humiliation at having to use a cart.

Here's some advice. Shut the fuck up and grow the fuck up. If you don't learn another damn thing from this site, I hope you at least learn some compassion and empathy for fat people.

If you don't learn that, well, then I hope you become one of those people who has around a 100 posts and then finally drops off the face of Dimensions.

Good riddance I'd say.


----------



## Surlysomething

GlassDaemon said:


> You're such an angry person, the bathroom remark was in response to a specific question if it doesn't concern you, you needed respond to it as... well it wasn't directed at you.
> 
> I'm not expecting to be commended. :\ Where did that thought come from? I'm merely defending myself.
> 
> I doubt I could ever compete with you in being biter. lol.
> 
> Edit: I also want to add, to be fair, yes I realize I pulled the pity card to when I listed all my personal problems, of course they were blatantly ignored so what difference did it make! Lol. Every time someone mentions their health problems to me they're asking me to pity the fact that they have problems and I should be considerate to that. And saying that comment is going to cause a whole new war even though I've stated several times and I'll state again that I recognize that people do have problems and not all fat people are using the chairs just cause they're lazy. *sigh*


 

I'm angry? HAHAHA. That's rich.

It might be time for you to shut it. All you're doing is digging yourself a bigger hole.


----------



## GlassDaemon

mossystate said:


> Please start connecting some dots here. Please.
> 
> Not that I am going to go to a place that dictates what people shouldshouldn't do...however...how do you know that those people you sneer at in a grocery store are not in tears at times, doing the best they can when you are not around?
> 
> You don't care about wanting people to be as mobile as possible. You can call it tough love and keepin' it real...but it's just more ignorance. Really caring doesn't look like this...at all.



I argued someone once about their hatred for fat people being unreasonable, but I had to cave because I realized his anger really is born from compassion. Why don't you connect the dots instead of assuming it's just hatred for fat people? 

If you can't argue without cursing you're not worth my time, MisticalMisty.

Surly, I was going to cave, but not now. lol.


----------



## Surlysomething

GlassDaemon said:


> I argued someone once about their hatred for fat people being unreasonable, but I had to cave because I realized his anger really is born from compassion. Why don't you connect the dots instead of assuming it's just hatred for fat people?
> 
> If you can't argue without cursing you're not worth my time, MisticalMisty.
> 
> Surly, I was going to cave, but not now. lol.


 

Blah blah. You'll get bored just like Misty said. It's just a waiting game for us.


----------



## GlassDaemon

Surlysomething said:


> Blah blah. You'll get bored just like Misty said. It's just a waiting game for us.



What do you mean? Looks to me like the arguments over since no one is saying anything debatable anymore? I'm kind of surprised this thread hasn't been locked, it's so far off topic, for which I sincerely am sorry to the OP for throwing off their thread. 

One passing thought turned into a war, lol. It was nice arguing with those of you that put up a legitimate debate, though opinionated arguments never do have a conclusion.


----------



## mossystate

GlassDaemon said:


> I argued someone once about their hatred for fat people being unreasonable, but I had to cave because I realized his anger really is born from compassion. Why don't you connect the dots instead of assuming it's just hatred for fat people?



We are back to square one. You sneer at fat people in grocery stores who use the electric carts, because you think it means they have given up and don't care about their mobility. You...don't...know...what they do the rest of the time you don't see them...which is 99.99999% of their lives. Splash all the backpedaling ' care ' you want on this pile of ignorant shit. You take a visual cue and run to all kinds of crazy places. How about save that for when you have...I don't know...facts?


----------



## GlassDaemon

GlassDaemon said:


> I'm aware of the fact that people judge me, I judge the fat person leaning on a cart and panting with pride, because at least they're trying. Judging isn't always negative. The same can't be said for the morbidly obese person in the electric chair, odds are their physical weaknesses are due to their size.
> 
> You're right in that it is a very visual thing, I don't know, which is why I don't confront these people. I just hope it's not because they're too fat to carry themselves anymore, but it's hard to believe otherwise when I can go through a store and literally every single one of the chairs is taken by a very fat individual.
> 
> Being fat is not an excuse to be lazy.



Did I get everything necessary out of that post to respond to your comment, Mossy?


----------



## mossystate

GlassDaemon said:


> Did I get everything necessary out of that post to respond to your comment, Mossy?



Yes, Glass, you were very giving with that " hope " you slid in there as a spoonful of sugar to temper ( to you ) the rest of all you have said. 

" Which is why I don't confront these people ". Who or WHAT the hell do you think you are? lol :huh:


----------



## GlassDaemon

A very blunt, direct, honest person who expects the most of people, I accept nothing less. 

I'm done, Surly, you win, I got bored. I'm a mean, nasty, selfish, inconsiderate, bitch of a child. Kudos to you, and to the rest of you for only hearing bits and pieces of everything I've said through this and for thinking something I said a page ago is "slipped in" somehow, though it's been repeated three times now. lol.


----------



## mossystate

GlassDaemon said:


> A very blunt, direct, honest person who expects the most of people, I accept nothing less.
> 
> I'm done, Surly, you win, I got bored. I'm a mean, nasty, selfish, inconsiderate, bitch of a child. Kudos to you, and to the rest of you for only hearing bits and pieces of everything I've said through this and for thinking something I said a page ago is "slipped in" somehow, though it's been repeated three times now. lol, you can have your cookie.



Oh lordy. The " slipping in " comment was not that I thought you might have not said it more than once. lol You slipped it into allllll of those posts because you thought that the ignorant stuff would magically disappear to people if you threw it in there. 

And you are getting some blunt directness.


----------



## Lamia

GlassDaemon said:


> Don't throw my sob story back at me unless you're going to read everything I posted before it, I struggled to make my point valid without ever mentioning my reasons, since I was not given the chance and everyone seems so desperate to know my personal reasons I gave it to you. People were screaming for my pity long before I said anything about my problems.
> 
> It was my personal wheelchair, thanks. My grandmother's to be fair, but since she passed away everything was left to my family.
> 
> I know exactly where I am, I'm a fat person too unless you didn't catch that. Or am I not allowed to be here because I question a fat person in an electric chair? lol
> 
> I broke my foot by tripping, yep, I was born with a crappy pair of feet that are always twisting and spraining and screaming in pain beneath me.



I did read everything you read. The point you were missing is that no one was asking for pity. They were saying that there ARE reasons someone might need to use a conveyance that you aren't privy to since you're not in their life and don't know what their situation is. For example someone with MS who might be unable to PUSH through that day but still need to buy groceries. 

I am not sure why they bothered trying to explain this to you since you aren't owed an excuse or explanation since it's none of your business, but there ya go. 

Ya I caught that you are a fat person doesn't mean it's ok for you to make hateful statements about people that are "fat fat". I don't care that you're here I am just saying that if you're doing to continue to make inflammatory remarks dont' be surprised when people react negatively.


----------



## TimeTraveller

Ho Ho Tai said:


> No more than she becomes annoyed at me when I can't do something because I am old. I am nearly 74, she is 20 years younger, but (until recently) 60 lb. heavier. I am quite fit for my age, working out regularly. I can't hike as I once did (peripheral neuropathy) but we are both demons on the bike trail. Her extra weight and our age difference make us pretty close to equals in athletic capacity.
> 
> However, she is determined to lose weight. This was triggered by the realization that, at age 53, the fun and games of being overweight can't go on forever. She has also had a few knee and hip twinges - so far, not structurally serious, according to her doctor.
> 
> in the last six months she has dropped over 20 lb . It has made a big difference in how she feels, how she performs on the job, how she sleeps, and how she rides. On bikes, the only thing holding her back is having to wait for me.
> 
> Yeah, I'm an FA and find myself dealing with mixed emotions. She has been pretty much the same weight during the 21 years we have been married. I can certainly understand why she would like to get back to the weight she was 30 years ago (around 175) and I certainly support her in this. We both believe that it will help her live a longer, happier, more energetic life. Of all her dimensions, I am most interested in the dimension of time. Compared to that, weight and circumference are distance second and third.
> 
> But there is no denying it. I will miss that lovely round tummy, snuggling into the hollow of my back. But maybe I won't have to miss HER.


Similar experiences with my wife's recent weight loss, but different cause. My wife has had sinus problems, this year she went to a new doctor who wanted to test for allergies rather than put her on prescription sinus medication. A referral or two later and she visited a nutritionist who recommended she cut back on processed foods and eat more fruits and veggies, eat less white bread and more whole wheat and other flours. We were skeptical but figured that in our mid 50s it was probably a good idea to eat healthier anyway.

The results were almost immediate. My wife's sinuses have been amazingly clear ever since, and she breathes and sleeps better than ever too. We're eating very well too because the substitutions are really tasty. However my wife has also lost 20 or 30 pounds this year without trying, and the nutritionist is encouraging her to lose even more weight. Naturally I want my wife to be happy and healthy, and if it means some weight loss then so be it. Even if she loses 50 pounds she'll still be well over 300, so she'll still have plenty of fat to admire and hug. Her health and well-being come first.

Lucky for me she has no interest in losing weight. She does admit she's more comfortable now that her clothes aren't so tight and she doesn't need to squeeze quite so much into restaurant booths. The main thing is she's comfortable at her size and the change in her eating habits has cleared her sinuses, so that's what really matters.


----------



## LovelyLiz

Lamia said:


> I did read everything you read. The point you were missing is that no one was asking for pity. They were saying that there ARE reasons someone might need to use a conveyance that you aren't privy to since you're not in their life and don't know what their situation is. For example someone with MS who might be unable to PUSH through that day but still need to buy groceries. SNIPPED



The thing is though (and I'm just building off what you said, Lamia), I don't think it matters whether the fat person using the cart has another disease or disability or non-fat related illness or not. If they're losing some mobility _simply because they are fat_, and even if that's "completely their fault" (whatever that means), I still say let them use the damn cart if it's there and if they want or need to.

It's like that quotation, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Maybe that fat person isn't choosing to "fight the battle" of moving around more (at that very moment), maybe they just got back from water aerobics and are tired, or maybe they have a bunch of other battles unrelated to their fat body that are taking priority over that at the moment. Who knows.

No one is saying bodily mobility isn't important and helpful and can make life a hell of a lot easier. But sometimes it goes away no matter how hard a person fights for it, and sometimes energy has to be directed elsewhere for a time. The story of someone's life is never so simple.


----------



## KingColt

I used to have a very large girlfriend and I remember we went to the cinema together to watch the dark knight. When the movie was over, I wanted to walk home since her apartment was only about 300 yards away and the next bus was scheduled to come in 30 minutes. My girlfriend wanted to take the bus but I talked her into walking because to me, it was a waste of time to wait for the bus when the destination is basically around the corner. So we started walking and only when I saw how hard she had to push herself to keep walking after a short time and how much she tried to not show me she was struggling I understood I had assessed the whole situation unrealistically. I felt really bad about it, since up to that point I had no idea her weight was such an impediment to her physical ability. I really tried to be more sensitive towards that from then on, which sometimes annoyed her because appearantly I swung into the other extreme of underestimating her at times, but it never hurt our relationship from then on.


----------



## Jack Secret

I have never been annoyed by my partner's limitations but occasionally I would feel frustrated. When I really fall in love with someone I want to share all kinds of things in my life with her (I guess everyone feels like this a little bit..) For example, I used to really love kayaking. My girlfriend at the time could have never been able to do that with me due to her size.

On the other hand I enjoy accommodating any of my partners limitations.

Does that make me a total prick?


----------



## SlightlyMorbid

I don't easily get annoyed at my partner. It's just sometimes a shame that because he's such a cute tubby, he doesn't have a very good physical condition so it's hard for him to keep up with me sometimes.


----------



## Webmaster

"Do you get annoyed when your partner can't do something because they are fat?"

Never been annoyed or frustrated. I've always seen figuring out what goes and what doesn't, and who does what, as a wonderful bonding and sharing experience.


----------



## Tracyarts

" I've always seen figuring out what goes and what doesn't, and who does what, as a wonderful bonding and sharing experience. "

You're right, and learning how to work with (and sometimes around) each other's limitations is how people build a good working partnership in addition to strengthening their relationship. 

Tracy


----------



## LovelyLiz

Tracyarts said:


> You're right, and learning how to work with (and sometimes around) each other's limitations is how people build a good working partnership in addition to strengthening their relationship.



Totally. And I've had to remember at times, when I'm feeling hyper-aware of some of my own limitations, that my thin partner has limitations of his own - and they might be different from mine, but it's all about seeing each other's strengths and limitations and figuring out how we best work together.


----------



## AnnMarie

Jack Secret said:


> I have never been annoyed by my partner's limitations but occasionally I would feel frustrated. When I really fall in love with someone I want to share all kinds of things in my life with her (I guess everyone feels like this a little bit..) For example, I used to really love kayaking. My girlfriend at the time could have never been able to do that with me due to her size.
> 
> On the other hand I enjoy accommodating any of my partners limitations.
> 
> Does that make me a total prick?




Personally, I don't think so. There are things I really enjoy that I wish past partners could have found the fun in. Hell, I even find that with friends - be it music, or a tv show or something creatively inclined. I'd like to have special people in my life share my feelings because it enriches the experience for me, and hopefully them. 

I don't think wanting to share things is a problem, only if you resent the partner/friend for being their own person and not sharing the interest, or not being able to share it. 

And as far as finding ways to accommodate limitations - I think that anyone who's found they have some and having someone who is sympathetic and helpful enough to be willing to lend a hand or think ahead would quickly say that it's appreciated.


----------



## glutton

Don't know!IF I ever attract a partner, I'll be sure to let you know!


----------



## Tina

"panting with pride..." 

You're young, you can still get around. Your ignorance of life for an older or disabled fat person is astounding.

There are other fat-haters here like yourself; you can take comfort in the fact that you're not alone.


----------



## Diana_Prince245

I got annoyed once. The local sports arena's seats are such that bigger folks can't sit in them. I was really rather pissed that there wasn't bench seating somewhere that my ex could sit on. We settled for watching hockey games from a bar up above the nosebleed seats.


----------



## biodieselman

Tina said:


> "panting with pride..." ...



Well Tina.... I was annoyed when you didn't hop out of that wheel chair & do a wind-sprint to catch Amtrak when it stopped for 10 seconds.



I know the limitations of a SSBBW & do what I can to make Ris's life easier.

For example.

I made small stable steps for Ris so the step height is easier for her to step down & back up at the front door & the garden slider door.

I have a comfortable sturdy bench for her to sit on while she plants seeds in our little germination greenhouse. I bring all of the supplies to her & have little tables set up to make it easy for her reach.





She enjoys gardening but she can't do the hard physical work. She helps by starting the seedlings, taking the seedlings out for me to plant, keeps records & plants more seeds for succession planting to keep a continual supply of fresh produce year round.




I installed a market umbrella so she can be comfortable in the shade on the hot days & talk while I work. 




She can also be in the shade to string peas or do other chores, sharing the work load.

She didn't want to get a wheelchair at first but she loves it now as it makes it easier for her to get out & I don't mind pushing her because I know walking distances is too difficult for her.




I made her a sturdy stool with heavy duty wheels so she can sit & wheel around the kitchen when she slaves over the hot stove canning or cooking.




Oh... wait... you can't see the stool.

The first stool I made had a design error. There's a reason office chairs have five wheels, five wheels are far more stable than four.




Keeping your wife cool & comfortable in the summer & warm in the winter takes a little extra effort but it's well worth it.




Me??? I'm just the manual labor, she's the brains.





Fellas, this is just a small example of what it takes to keep a SSBBW happy. So if you desire to make a BBW or a SSBBW happy... get to work & quit yer belly achin'!!!


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

GlassDaemon said:


> Someone whose just fat, using an electric wheel chair, in my eyes, is someone whose given up.



I hate to see someone _who's_ unaware of the difference between whose and who's actually write publicly. Just a pet peeve of my own, as I'm a professional writer. 

How the hell do you know that being fat is the person's only issue? You could be fat AND have a heart condition that is unrelated to weight. You could be fat AND have rheumatoid arthritis. Tell me, do you go completely ballistic if a thin person uses one, or do we get a pass from you automatically?


----------



## LovelyLiz

Dr. P Marshall said:


> I hate to see someone _who's_ unaware of the difference between whose and who's actually write publicly. Just a pet peeve of my own, as I'm a professional writer.
> 
> How the hell do you know that being fat is the person's only issue? You could be fat AND have a heart condition that is unrelated to weight. You could be fat AND have rheumatoid arthritis. Tell me, do you go completely ballistic if a thin person uses one, or do we get a pass from you automatically?



I am going to reiterate this: Why does it matter if the fat person on a mobility device is FAT + SOMETHING? What if they really are just fat? Does that mean they then are deserving of the scorn, and only those with medical conditions get a pass? 

I think when we focus on the *possibility* someone might have an accompanying medical condition as the reason to be kind to them, we are really missing the point.


----------



## Tina

Look at that big, beautiful tomato! And the fruit is amazing, too. 

You made that stool? I've thought to ask Ris where she found that stool, because I've never seen anything like it before and it would come in so handy.

Had no idea your garden is so carefully regimented. The results are astounding, and lovely. You and Ris have one of the most Zen homes I've ever been in. Give Ris and Bubs a hug for me, won't you?


----------



## biodieselman

Tina said:


> Look at that big, beautiful tomato! And the fruit is amazing, too.  ...



The heirloom variety 'striped-german' is rated as one of the best tasting tomatoes. The flesh & skin has red & yellow striations & tastes every bit as good as it looks.




Last winter we experimented with another heirloom dating back to the 16th century, romanesco. All I can say is WOW!!!:eat2: There were no seeds available this spring but I saw there were in stock now. This is a cool weather crop in the mild LA climate & Ris just the other day ordered seeds. It's still a wee bit early to start the fall/winter garden & we can't wait for cooler weather. Romanesco has a delicious sweet nutty flavor but it's total eye candy on a plate. It's another vegetable that tastes every bit as good as it looks.:eat2:






Tina said:


> ... You made that stool? I've thought to ask Ris where she found that stool, because I've never seen anything like it before and it would come in so handy. ...



Ris likes the retro stuff & she ordered it on-line. I fixed industrial rated wheels from one of the commercial parts houses my work deals with on the legs of the stool but... how do I say this nicely... they didn't stand up to the uh... wear & tear. The wheel mounts are made from 3/8" steel plate, welded & gusseted to the legs of the stool. Despite getting 5" wheels, the first stool would catch in the grooves of the tile & she felt like she would tip over. Not good for a SSBBW. :doh:Then it dawned on me why office chairs have 5 wheels.:doh:
Let's see her break THESE legs!!!







Tina said:


> ... Had no idea your garden is so carefully regimented. The results are astounding, and lovely. You and Ris have one of the most Zen homes I've ever been in. Give Ris and Bubs a hug for me, won't you?



You remember how small our yard is Tina. It's a good thing because it forces to sow small successive plantings so there's almost always something in the garden fresh to harvest. It a joy both Ris I enjoy. We hope to be able to cook a garden fresh meal for you & Eric again.


----------



## Lamia

biodieselman said:


> The heirloom variety 'striped-german' is rated as one of the best tasting tomatoes. The flesh & skin has red & yellow striations & tastes every bit as good as it looks.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .



that's the tomato I've been looking for!!! A girl at work gave me some one time and they were best I've ever had. I am so excited now!!


----------



## thatgirl08

I don't see how anyone could be insensitive enough towards their partners needs that they would walk ahead of them, complain when they couldn't do something, force them to do activities they hate, etc. Even if I was dating a non-FA I'd still be pretty pissed if they bitched when I didn't want to join them on their 26 mile bike ride. It's not so much about FAism to me as it is just .. being a decent person who is sensitive to the needs/wants/dislikes of people close to them. I'd expect the same from friends, family, etc. 

My whole approach to this is when someone suggests doing something I'm not interested in or can't physically do or whatever, I say no thanks and suggest another activity at a different time so that they're still able to do whatever it is that they wanted and we're still able to do something together. 

My friends and family sometimes get upset when I can't or don't want to do certain physical activities but I usually stay pretty firm. I'm not going to force myself to do something I don't want to. 

However, I have a similar issue with my anxiety with pretty much everyone in my life. I think because this is less obvious to them. If I can't fit in a booth, they can see that visually. If I feel like I'm going to pass out and die when I walk into a crowded shopping mall, they don't get it. It's frustrating.


----------



## Miss Vickie

What an interesting thread this has been. I'm sorry I missed it. Bio, those veggies -- and your wife -- are gorgeous, and I think it's pretty darn cool how you do what you can to make her more comfortable. 

I can't imagine getting frustrated with a loved one who has mobility limitations. It's just so counter to loving someone that it seems unnatural to me. I admit to being frustrated when friends and loved ones haven't sought medical help when they've had illnesses that could be treated, but that's because of my own bias that I think there's an answer to EVERYTHING and I want everyone to have every opportunity to be healthy and so many people give up and accept a substandard level of health when they could feel so much better. That being said, I know our medical system is in many ways broken and difficult to manage and that's one of the reasons I want to get out there as a very accessible provider.

As far as the topic of whether one is "justified" in using handicapped placards, wheelchairs or motorized carts, as others have pointed out, many diseases aren't evident. MS is an obvious example, as is my own chronic illness, Sarcoidosis. Most days I'm feeling great (and in fact did well for many years) but lately haven't been doing very well. I don't use any mobility assisted devices but I did prior to my WLS when the weight, coupled with the disease, made moving difficult. In my own case, I had a limited amount of activity that I could do each day. If I used my energy walking across a frozen Alaskan parking lot (risking a fall, and hurting my lungs) that would make doing safe exercise much less likely, not to mention feeding my family. So for each of us we make choices. 

But there are different ways to be active. Walking around a grocery store is fine, but if it's unsafe for you to move that way (because of joint deterioration, balance problems or cardiovascular issues) then you're not doing yourself a favor by "holding onto your mobility". Same with hopping on one foot to get to the bathroom (talk about asking for an accident!) or any of the other things Glass Daemon was discussing. It's important to not only be active to one's fitness level, but to choose movements which are safe.

Otherwise, the potential to do more damage is far greater than the potential benefit from "holding onto your mobility no matter what".


----------



## biodieselman

Miss Vickie said:


> What an interesting thread this has been. I'm sorry I missed it. Bio, those veggies -- and your wife -- are gorgeous, and I think it's pretty darn cool how you do what you can to make her more comfortable. ...
> 
> As far as the topic of whether one is "justified" in using handicapped placards, wheelchairs or motorized carts, as others have pointed out, many diseases aren't evident. ...



Thanks Vickie. We have our political differences but our offer still stands. Anytime you want to feel 80 degree weather in the dead of winter, you're still welcome to stay. God... we get these horrible "sun storms" all winter long.

Our doctor doesn't lecture Ris about her size but he refuses to give her a handicap placard. He says her arthritis isn't severe enough despite her foot & knee injuries from being hit head on by a drunk. He may not lecture her but he says she could always loose weight if she really wanted to.





So I wind up taking two parking places to prevent another car from taking away adequate space for her getting out of the truck & getting into the wheelchair. Which means parking in the north forty of the parking lot because I don't want to be like some douche in a fancy car. If it's too far, I'll drop her off at the entrance & go park the truck.


----------



## BlueBurning

I do on occasion get annoyed with my partner when she is unable to do something do to her size. My partner wants to lose weight for a number of reasons one of which is so she can do some activities that she used to really enjoy doing which I do my best to fully support but that is where my annoyance can pop-up.


----------



## rickydaniels

I get a little bit frustrated sometimes, but I'm really good about recognizing the situation before I put my foot in my mouth. I'm also naturally a fast walker. That's not always easy for the my lady to deal with.


----------



## BullseyeB

GlassDaemon said:


> Lol, alright, I can respect that. It's an issue I feel passionately about, and I have my personal reasons for it, it's not something I'm going to think differently about and I admit I got quite offended when Surly tried to tell me how I should think.
> 
> However, I still think you're off, I do feel compassion, it's why it angers me so much, I hate to see people give up. Someone whose just fat, using an electric wheel chair, in my eyes, is someone whose given up. Mobility is important and maybe people just don't realize how important until they've lost it. You haven't lost it when you merely choose to use an electric chair, but permanent loss is just around the corner at that point.



So, I am trying to see where you are coming from. I see that you are concerned about someone who has "given up" on themselves and unfortunately causing more damage to themselves in the end. OK, I can give you that.

What I believe has struck such a chord in everyone here is the somewhat flippant comment that you made about just _*looking at someone and knowing*_ that they have given up. I have been involved in the size acceptance movement for the last 26 years. Many people in this community know me and would never know by looking at me now that I have developed a progressive disability that is robbing me of my mobility. Outwardly, I look pretty much the same, with a few more gray hairs and a few more pounds as I have gone through my 40's, but still healthy looking...and quite attractive, if I do say so myself! Ha!

These people who know me might look at me and wonder why I am using a motorized scooter. I used to teach the water aerobics classes at NAAFA conventions as a Super-Sized woman, no less! Now, here I am barely able to walk 10 feet without extreme pain while using two canes. In order for me to function and live my life on a daily basis, I use various mobility aides and conveniences at home. Parking isn't as much of an issue for me anymore since I have my scooter, but 10 months ago, it was. It could make or break my shopping trip if I couldn't park close to my destination. It was a matter of, "Do I use up my energy and lack of pain while walking to my destination and have nothing left for my errand?" Or "Do I wait and find a spot closer to my desired point of entry so that I might have a chance to complete my task before the pain becomes unbearable?" Neither you nor anyone else could tell this by looking at me.

Society blames so much on fat. More importantly, society blames the fat _person_. It is really hard to hear one of our own blame us too. Please take a moment to read about invisible disabilities online, Glass. I believe you are a compassionate person. I just think you are young and not seeing the whole picture here. It is not as black and white as your statements make it out to be. 

For me personally, it is so difficult to see the looks of disgust from people in public when I am out there on my scooter by myself, or with my husband. It is almost unbearable to see it when I am out there with my 10 yr old daughter and she is helping me by pushing the grocery cart or carrying something at the home store etc. She doesn't deserve to have a mom who is disabled and getting worse. But I move forward and do what I _*can*_ do, because I _*refuse*_ to "give up" on my life. That's why I am still out there...motorized scooter and all.

Laura


----------



## LovelyLiz

BullseyeB said:


> *snipped*. But I move forward and do what I _*can*_ do, because I _*refuse*_ to "give up" on my life. That's why I am still out there...motorized scooter and all.
> 
> Laura



YES YES YES. Major props to you. Just as I was reading your post I thought, you know, with all the stigma around fat people and scooters and whatnot, someone who needs a scooter, and uses it to go out there and live life has done the exact OPPOSITE of give up.

Thanks for making that point so well! Rock on.


----------



## Heyyou

mcbeth said:


> YES YES YES. Major props to you. Just as I was reading your post I thought, you know, with all the stigma around fat people and scooters and whatnot, someone who needs a scooter, and uses it to go out there and live life has done the exact OPPOSITE of give up.
> 
> Thanks for making that point so well! Rock on.



+1fillerword


----------



## Zandoz

I get annoyed when I can't do something because I'm fat, and my wife and/or daughter don't do what ever because I can't.


----------



## Jay West Coast

Biodiesel! I love the photo-essay! Why not make it as pleasant for her to be around you as it is for you to be around her, right? 

I also find it a little strange to think that you'd find it frustrating that your partner is big, if one of the things you dig about that person is their size. If you really thought it was cute that your girlfriend was short, would you be "frustrated" that she can't reach the top shelf in the cupboard? 

In the same way that you might find it cute that your short girlfriend has trouble reaching the top shelf, I find it cute that my fat girlfriend takes up more space or is adverse to hikes. To me, it's an endearing reminder of the wonderful qualities that make them who they are...and a reminder of who I am as well.


----------



## Tina

I wondered that, too, Jay. I mean, if all a guy wants is just someone rally fat in the sack but no place else then... well, whatever. But if he's in a relationship with a super- or ultra-sized woman and is irritated at inability or mobility problems, then he's just terribly illogical...  


biodieselman said:


> The heirloom variety 'striped-german' is rated as one of the best tasting tomatoes. The flesh & skin has red & yellow striations & tastes every bit as good as it looks.


That looks SO good!! I want!



> Last winter we experimented with another heirloom dating back to the 16th century, romanesco. All I can say is WOW!!!:eat2: There were no seeds available this spring but I saw there were in stock now. This is a cool weather crop in the mild LA climate & Ris just the other day ordered seeds. It's still a wee bit early to start the fall/winter garden & we can't wait for cooler weather. Romanesco has a delicious sweet nutty flavor but it's total eye candy on a plate. It's another vegetable that tastes every bit as good as it looks.:eat2:


That is gorgeous! It's a living fractal. I'd love to try it.


> You remember how small our yard is Tina. It's a good thing because it forces to sow small successive plantings so there's almost always something in the garden fresh to harvest. It a joy both Ris I enjoy. We hope to be able to cook a garden fresh meal for you & Eric again.


That would be the best, Bio. We might be out for xmas this year, but we're not sure. It would be great to see you both one way or the other, if possible.

I'm always envious of your garden. Yes, the space is relatively small, but you make the most of every bit of it!


----------



## LordQuas

This thread is interesting to me because I never thought of being big and being active as being mutually exclusive. I think growing up playing football and other sports had a lot to do with this because I always played with and against big kids who were as athletic as anyone else. Because of my love of sports most of the women I've dated have been huge sports fans at the very least and often were former or current athletes so I never really thought about whether they could "keep up" with me.


----------



## yataka

For healthy issue, i think doing some sports not only help your body but a way to communicate witb your partner.


----------



## penguin

I find talking is a much easier way to communicate than sports.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

penguin said:


> I find talking is a much easier way to communicate than sports.



It's a _different_ way; I'll suspend judgment on whether it's easier.  But since sociologists say that only about a third of our communication is in words (and the rest in vocal tone, facial expression, posture, gesture, timing, pauses ...), you can see where shared physical activity involves communication, even if it isn't verbal. As a ballroom dancer, I see a dance as a kind of conversation without words between two people: it's as intimate, emotional, and enlightening as most verbal conversations I've had. :happy:


----------



## Jes

Dr. Feelgood said:


> But since sociologists say that only about a third of our communication is in words (and the rest in vocal tone, facial expression, posture, gesture, timing, pauses ...),



Interesting; this would have bearing on haven't-met-yet and long-distance couples, wouldn't it? 

In any case, I like to do some things with my partner and some not, and so I think it would depend on which activities I wanted to do with him, and what he was able to do, that would determine my feelings and my answers to the question posed in the thread.


----------



## Tad

My wife and I figure that before getting married, every couple should have to assemble a complicated piece of Ikea furniture together. If it gets succesfully assembled, they are both alive, still talking, and still want to get married.....then they are probably good to get through many of life's stresses!

Which is by way of saying, even if you are not doing sports, doing _something_ challenging together can tell you a LOT about a person, often things that don't come up in conversation, where we can better project a certain image of ourselves.

And yah, if you start doing something together, and the other person gets annoyed about your limitations (due to fat or anything else), and can't manage their own annoyance adequately....that would be a bit of a red flag to me.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood

Tad said:


> My wife and I figure that before getting married, every couple should have to assemble a complicated piece of Ikea furniture together.




This is genius. :bow::bow::bow::bow::bow::bow::bow:


----------



## CastingPearls

I concur and owe him rep.


----------



## CleverBomb

Tad said:


> My wife and I figure that before getting married, every couple should have to assemble a complicated piece of Ikea furniture together.





IKEA- Jonathan Coulton said:


> Long ago in days of yore
> It all began with a god named Thor
> There were Vikings and boats and some plans for a furniture store...


Youtube

-Rusty


----------



## supersizebbw

i don't have a significant other, but just thought i should chip in. i find it really insensitive when other people get irritated or annoyed because of my weight limitations.

e.g every single day i have to walk 10mins to work from the station, and i like to walk at my own pace which for me personally is moderate (but for others would be considered very slow). 

Every other day or so, a work colleague (who is a fast walker) will say a courteous hello and keep walking past me to get to work, i never take offence to this as they respect that i walk "slow" and i respect that they walk "fast".

What i don't like is when it'll be a colleague who will start to talk to me and continue insisting on having a conversation with me all the while maintaining their "fast" pace, and i always end up doing a mini-jog every few steps to keep up with them and they can clearly see i'm struggling but they keep on with the conversation and same fast pace even though they can see me struggling. on these occassions i always end up getting to work sweating huffing and puffing. 

For this reason i now get to work a full 30mins early so that i don't meet anyone on the way or have to increase my pace for anyone.


----------



## LovelyLiz

supersizebbw said:


> snipped
> For this reason i now get to work a full 30mins early so that i don't meet anyone on the way or have to increase my pace for anyone.



Why not just tell the person to go ahead and that you prefer to walk at a slower pace, and you'll see them in the office? This has worked for me in similar situations.


----------



## AmazingAmy

Tad said:


> My wife and I figure that before getting married, every couple should have to assemble a complicated piece of Ikea furniture together. If it gets succesfully assembled, they are both alive, still talking, and still want to get married.....then they are probably good to get through many of life's stresses!
> 
> Which is by way of saying, even if you are not doing sports, doing _something_ challenging together can tell you a LOT about a person, often things that don't come up in conversation, where we can better project a certain image of ourselves.
> 
> And yah, if you start doing something together, and the other person gets annoyed about your limitations (due to fat or anything else), and can't manage their own annoyance adequately....that would be a bit of a red flag to me.



This is genius, and very, very true! I'm compelled to formula challenges to test all my future partners now. I too owe you rep.

I also hate the being out-walked thing. All my friends and family are fast walkers. My friends will gladly slow down when I ask them to, but my family - my eldest sister especially - are a lot less tolerant. They get irritated, and I know what's running through their head. My sister is extremely arrogant about her strong legs and will deliberately set an intense pace just to be a bitch. She doesn't give a shit how it makes me feel. Wait, scratch that, she does. She know it makes me feel exhausted, in pain, and inadequate. But she likes most people to feel like that, especially fat people. 

God, my sister would _love _Dims.


----------



## Inhibited

mcbeth said:


> Why not just tell the person to go ahead and that you prefer to walk at a slower pace, and you'll see them in the office? This has worked for me in similar situations.



Thats basically what i used to say to ppl i worked with..... sometimes it didn't work and they would say nah its fine am in no hurry will walk with you ..


----------



## Franklyn

There's a fine line here...

I am a farily active person. I love going for walks, etc... I take a 30 minute stroll just about every day. I think walking is good caridovascular excercise - something that everyone should get in some form or another. 

I also have a strong preference for very, very large women.

Furthermore, I'm also the kind of person who wants to spend a lot of time with his partner - I'm a "joined at the hip" kind of guy (that is, when I have partner - which is the exception and not the rule in my case... but I digress)

You can see the potential conflict here...



In my case... I would not want to give up my daily walk even if I had a partner / significant other. Furthermore, I would love to have my partner go with me to the extent she was able. But her comfort would always be my first and foremost concern... Take it slow, take breaks, don't overdo it... And whatever happens, DON'T GET MAD - lol. Heck, she'ld lose out on the excercise, but me walking and her on a scooter would even be an option - and a damn good one at that!

I'm sorry, but I've actually been laughing at the thought of some guy getting mad at his girlfriend because she couldn't keep up - lol

Just goes to show, it takes all kinds


----------



## LordQuas

penguin said:


> I find talking is a much easier way to communicate than sports.



I'm not sure what you mean by this


----------



## BullseyeB

LordQuas said:


> I'm not sure what you mean by this



Maybe Penguin needs to speak in play-by-play mode.


----------



## Bluestreak

Tad said:


> My wife and I figure that before getting married, every couple should have to assemble a complicated piece of Ikea furniture together. If it gets succesfully assembled, they are both alive, still talking, and still want to get married.....then they are probably good to get through many of life's stresses!



Great suggestion Tad!

We did this, albeit with Danish Modern stuff, pre-Ikea, a bit after we got married, but it worked then, we worked then and we're still working together...and it'll be 29 years this Sunday that we first said "I do".

BTW, we still have all the furniture and use it daily!


----------



## penguin

LordQuas said:


> I'm not sure what you mean by this



It was in response to this:



yataka said:


> For healthy issue, i think doing some sports not only help your body but a way to communicate witb your partner.



I'd rather talk directly to my partner than play football to try to get my message across.


----------



## tonynyc

penguin said:


> It was in response to this:
> 
> 
> 
> I'd rather talk directly to my partner than play football to try to get my message across.



*W*ell... if your cute curves were blocking the tv screen .. then there would be no more need to watch football


----------



## Sweet Tooth

tonynyc said:


> *W*ell... if your cute curves were blocking the tv screen .. then there would be no more need to watch football



Ahh, but there would still likely be fun games involving balls.


----------



## tonynyc

Sweet Tooth said:


> Ahh, but there would still likely be fun games involving balls.



So very true... having the chance to enjoy the company and curves of a BBW or looking at some sporting event... hmmm time to tape the game and enjoy some quality time .....


----------



## LordQuas

penguin said:


> It was in response to this:
> 
> 
> 
> I'd rather talk directly to my partner than play football to try to get my message across.



I think you're misinterpreting how people are using sports in this case. For some people a little friendly competition helps them to relax allows more of their natural personality to come out. Something like putt-putt or a game of pool is a nice way to warm up to someone at your own pace IMO.


----------



## LovelyLiz

LordQuas said:


> I think you're misinterpreting how people are using sports in this case. For some people a little friendly competition helps them to relax allows more of their natural personality to come out. Something like putt-putt or a game of pool is a nice way to warm up to someone at your own pace IMO.



I will agree that sometimes doing an activity together, particularly a physical one (even something as simple as going for a walk) can open up conversation in different ways with a partner, and bring some really positive vibes. That's something I really appreciate, actually.

HOWEVER...if someone isn't able to participate in certain physical activities like that (because of weight or any other number of things), I think there are other kinds of activities that can probably function in much the same way - doing something artistic together, going for a drive, playing music, etc.


----------



## LordQuas

mcbeth said:


> I will agree that sometimes doing an activity together, particularly a physical one (even something as simple as going for a walk) can open up conversation in different ways with a partner, and bring some really positive vibes. That's something I really appreciate, actually.
> 
> HOWEVER...if someone isn't able to participate in certain physical activities like that (because of weight or any other number of things), I think there are other kinds of activities that can probably function in much the same way - doing something artistic together, going for a drive, playing music, etc.



A very fair point. Like I said in my first post in this thread though, I never formed the mental connection that most people do between body size and activity level and have dated almost nothing but active big women. This is why I really like Dimensions when people are being civil, I can get the answers and insight into a lot of questions that I wouldnt have ever dreamed of asking someone IRL.


----------



## olwen

LordQuas said:


> A very fair point. Like I said in my first post in this thread though, I never formed the mental connection that most people do between body size and activity level and have dated almost nothing but active big women. This is why I really like Dimensions when people are being civil, I can get the answers and insight into a lot of questions that I wouldnt have ever dreamed of asking someone IRL.



Haven't you ever broken a leg or sprained an ankle or gotten the flu?


----------



## tonynyc

olwen said:


> Haven't you ever broken a leg or sprained an ankle or gotten the flu?



not even a sniffle......


----------



## tonynyc

LordQuas said:


> A very fair point. Like I said in my first post in this thread though, I never formed the mental connection that most people do between body size and activity level and have dated almost nothing but active big women. This is why I really like Dimensions when people are being civil, I can get the answers and insight into a lot of questions that I wouldnt have ever dreamed of asking someone IRL.



*H*owever... what do you consider as 'Big'


----------



## chicken legs

Honestly, when it comes to running around with kids, animals, and such..it does get depressing not being able to do things with the SO. At some point, you have to choose either the food or your family. I'm happy Escapist is starting to choose family again. ***hides cattle prod***


----------



## BullseyeB

chicken legs said:


> Honestly, when it comes to running around with kids, animals, and such..it does get depressing not being able to do things with the SO. At some point, you have to choose either the food or your family. I'm happy Escapist is starting to choose family again. ***hides cattle prod***



Please tell me that you don't believe that all fat people are fat simply because of a _*choice*_ of food over something else. 

There is sooooo much more to it than that! Please.


----------



## LovelyLiz

chicken legs said:


> Honestly, when it comes to running around with kids, animals, and such..it does get depressing not being able to do things with the SO. At some point, you have to choose either the food or your family. I'm happy Escapist is starting to choose family again. ***hides cattle prod***



I am really glad that your SO is making choices that are making your family life better. Honestly, it sounds like you're encouraged and that's great. The issue with your post though (which more people may also take issue with, as BullseyeB also posted), is in generalizing your experience to everyone else (when you say "*you* have to choose"). It's totally fair for you to share your experience and thoughts in this thread, because it's asking if you get annoyed by a certain thing, and you shared that as you should be able to. But to then direct the point to a bunch of people whose experiences you don't know, that just isn't fair (or correct).


----------



## Grandi Floras

Honey, it you are big, you are big and if a man is indeed interested in you, he has to realize that there just are some things we hefty ladies just cannot do. I think the main thing that we can do is love with all of our hearts and be more honest and upfront with who we are and what we can do. If a man cannot accept us just the way that we are, then he needs to go find a skinny minnie girl to do those things with. I for one am not that active in the physical sense, but in all else I am pretty danged good at what I do.


----------



## chicken legs

BullseyeB said:


> Please tell me that you don't believe that all fat people are fat simply because of a _*choice*_ of food over something else.
> 
> There is sooooo much more to it than that! Please.



Well, I'm the type of person that Doesn't get off on someone killing themselves...in front of me. Its one thing to have a hearty appetite and enjoy good food. However, if food is their drug of choice and I realize it. I will try to help them confront the psychological thorn in their side to help them go where they want to go medication free.


----------



## chicken legs

mcbeth said:


> I am really glad that your SO is making choices that are making your family life better. Honestly, it sounds like you're encouraged and that's great. The issue with your post though (which more people may also take issue with, as BullseyeB also posted), is in generalizing your experience to everyone else (when you say "*you* have to choose"). It's totally fair for you to share your experience and thoughts in this thread, because it's asking if you get annoyed by a certain thing, and you shared that as you should be able to. But to then direct the point to a bunch of people whose experiences you don't know, that just isn't fair (or correct).



If you said I was pointing fingers (which I did)..ok. However to imply that I'm making a general statement towards a certain group when I specifically mentioned Escapist is incorrect.

Now you can substitute food for work, sex, collecting things..etc. When someone is going off into the deep end with it..(and they are close to me)..I going to say something or leave them alone.

Edit...

Escapist help me get past my smoking addiction and recover from emotional issues. They went hand in hand running rampant in my life. 

Plus, I may be an FA but I don't want to watch someone eat themselves to death....and complain about it. The catch is ..if you are not complaining in anyway..I might not notice. I may be sensitive but I do get distracted.


----------



## agouderia

chicken legs said:


> Honestly, when it comes to running around with kids, animals, and such..it does get depressing not being able to do things with the SO.





mcbeth said:


> The issue with your post though (which more people may also take issue with, as BullseyeB also posted), is in generalizing your experience to everyone else (when you say "*you* have to choose").



Much of this problem has not only to do with objective physical limitations, but an individual's personal attitude and approach to their physical abilities - turning it into a personality and less of a weight issue: Does somebody try hard to make the most of the physical make up they happen to have - or do they give into comfort, convenience, habit and sometimes laziness very easily?
I'm fine with the former - I by now have problems with the latter.

Ironically I've become less tolerant regarding professed physical limitations over time not because of my heavy friends/acquaintances - all of them do their best and are very realistic about it because they are aware of the issue.

It's thin to normal friends who have minor limitations - (I have weak ankles, can you take my carry on? - Oh since the operation on my back didn't help, why should exercise, you need to drive me. - I'm too old for dressy shoes now, I can't go out like this - why should I walk to stay fit?) - aggravate them by not trying hard whilst exploiting others good natured offers to help.

I love to help and accodomate people to make our time together a better one - but in the long run that's only possible if everybody contributes what they can.


----------



## chicken legs

agouderia said:


> I love to help and accodomate people to make our time together a better one - but in the long run that's only possible if everybody contributes what they can.



yep.

A relationship has to be balanced otherwise burnout happens.


Edit...

I live with two SSBHM's and its like night and day when it comes to their personalities and level of health..lol. dammit. I lost my train of thought..thinking about living with 2 ssbhm's..lol.


----------



## ampleampleample

It's easy enough to plan around a lot of things and avoid the conflict, don't go to festivals, carry a folding chair in the trunk, etc. But no matter how charming and lovely they are, when you always have to help them put their shoes on when you're in a hurry, go to the store because they can't and you would rather be meeting your friends it can be challenging. But you love them or you don't and you put up with it. However, their attitude and how they handle is what makes it tolerable, or not.


----------



## Ocean

ampleampleample said:


> It's easy enough to plan around a lot of things and avoid the conflict, don't go to festivals, carry a folding chair in the trunk, etc. But no matter how charming and lovely they are, when you always have to help them put their shoes on when you're in a hurry, go to the store because they can't and you would rather be meeting your friends it can be challenging. But you love them or you don't and you put up with it. *However, their attitude and how they handle is what makes it tolerable, or not*.



This. If you have someone demanding that you do these little things for them, or getting stroppy when you can't for whatever reason, then yeah, it's far easier to get annoyed at them. And this doesn't just apply to fat people either, everyone can be guilty of doing this. 

Back in high school, me and my friends were going paint balling one weekend. One friend was fairly large (I'd guess at around 240lbs) and she had a massive go at us for daring to go and do something that she couldn't do. We invited her, and she demanded that we do something else that wouldn't be so hard on her. We ended up not going, and had a dull weekend doing something else. No-one really forgot her little tantrum about it, and not everyone wanted her to come with us if we were doing something a little bit physical.

I know, but that's teenagers for you. It wasn't a case of accommodating for her, if we went walking or shopping at least two or three of us would hang back to walk more slowly with her. It was a case of her demanding we weren't allowed to do what she felt she couldn't do. 

And on the flip side, I also had another friend who was like this, though she was fairly thin. One time we were all going to see a certain film at the cinema, one that she didn't want to see. We invited her along, and she tried to demand that we went and saw something else. Didn't work, and she still came with us, but sulked the entire while. 

In the end, if someone can't do something, it isn't their fault. There's no need to get upset at them for that. It's just a case of suggesting something else, or seeing if you can help them in some way. I mean we are all human, and people may get upset now and again. That's just how we work. 

But attitude counts so much. Just because you can't do something, that doesn't mean you shouldn't stop your other half/friend from doing it.


----------



## chicken legs

Ocean said:


> But attitude counts so much. Just because you can't do something, that doesn't mean you shouldn't stop your other half/friend from doing it.



Huh?...do you mean "should"?

Cause that would be kinda messed up if you meant "shouldn't"...


----------



## Avichai

Grandi Floras said:


> Honey, it you are big, you are big and if a man is indeed interested in you, he has to realize that there just are some things we hefty ladies just cannot do. I think the main thing that we can do is love with all of our hearts and be more honest and upfront with who we are and what we can do. If a man cannot accept us just the way that we are, then he needs to go find a skinny minnie girl to do those things with. I for one am not that active in the physical sense, but in all else I am pretty danged good at what I do.



Well said. I'd also be interested to know what those things you speak of you're _danged good_ at. 
In general, if sharing your affinity for physical activity is something you have to have in common with your partner, make it clear before anything gets too serious, I can't stand people who get together then constantly moan about this or that attribute, like someone's forcing them to hang around a girl / guy, or see their love interest as someone who needs to share *everything* with them. 

Me personally I'm happy enough to live and let live. I'm not expecting my partner to do pumps with me at the gym, or run five miles in the morning, if they're not into that. In fact I'm usually happier dropping by mickey d's on the way home and treating them to a bagel and some scrambled egg. :]


----------



## LordQuas

olwen said:


> Haven't you ever broken a leg or sprained an ankle or gotten the flu?



Sure I have, I'm not seeing the connection though


----------



## olwen

LordQuas said:


> Sure I have, I'm not seeing the connection though



You are approaching the subject from a position of privilege - thin privilege. The bottom line is that many fat people just live with and deal with physical limitations of one kind or another. Anyone who dates fat people (at least ones over a certain weight) have to be aware of this and has to accept that they will likely have to make special accommodations for their SO if they want them to be comfortable and not get annoyed about it. Or even get annoyed but not become resentful. It just strikes me as odd that this hasn't ever been an issue for you.


----------



## BBWbonnie

I have heard alot of men being this way it makes no sense!:doh:


----------



## LordQuas

olwen said:


> You are approaching the subject from a position of privilege - thin privilege. The bottom line is that many fat people just live with and deal with physical limitations of one kind or another. Anyone who dates fat people (at least ones over a certain weight) have to be aware of this and has to accept that they will likely have to make special accommodations for their SO if they want them to be comfortable and not get annoyed about it. Or even get annoyed but not become resentful. It just strikes me as odd that this hasn't ever been an issue for you.




I feel like its being assumed that because Ive never dated someone and had mobility be an issue that I wouldn't be willing to deal with it and that's unfair. I don't doubt that it looks odd but I am very picky about who I choose to date exclusively and I just couldnt see myself with someone that I didn't consider active regardless of their body. I feel like a lot of overweight people get mad at me for saying I dont think about it as though Im minimizing the effects of being overweight when the truth is I honestly dont judge people by their bodies. Everyone is different, one person at 300 lbs might be running marathons where as someone else may not be able to walk for more than a few minutes at 200 lbs because of bad knees. So I could never justify assuming that because a woman is big that she cant do certain things, I just try to take everyone as an individual because thats all I could ever ask from anyone else.


----------



## olwen

LordQuas said:


> I feel like its being assumed that because Ive never dated someone and had mobility be an issue that I wouldn't be willing to deal with it and that's unfair. I don't doubt that it looks odd but I am very picky about who I choose to date exclusively and I just couldnt see myself with someone that I didn't consider active regardless of their body. I feel like a lot of overweight people get mad at me for saying I dont think about it as though Im minimizing the effects of being overweight when the truth is I honestly dont judge people by their bodies. Everyone is different, one person at 300 lbs might be running marathons where as someone else may not be able to walk for more than a few minutes at 200 lbs because of bad knees. So I could never justify assuming that because a woman is big that she cant do certain things, I just try to take everyone as an individual because thats all I could ever ask from anyone else.



And yet you are emphasizing the need to date a fat person who is also active. Seems rather contradictory. If you don't have an issue with it, then why make it a point to only date fat people who are into very physical activities?


----------



## chicken legs

olwen said:


> You are approaching the subject from a position of privilege - thin privilege. The bottom line is that many fat people just live with and deal with physical limitations of one kind or another. Anyone who dates fat people (at least ones over a certain weight) have to be aware of this and has to accept that they will likely have to make special accommodations for their SO if they want them to be comfortable and not get annoyed about it. Or even get annoyed but not become resentful. It just strikes me as odd that this hasn't ever been an issue for you.



Thin Privilege? What about "Big as Fuck and dominate the shit out of others Privilege?... 

There is 2 sides to the coin. I see some supersized people handling their shit and working around it to do what they want and support their loved ones. Then I see others who's intent I question. Do they care for their SO or do they just want a personal assistant to do their bidding?

Personally, I'm no energizer bunny regardless of my weight and health. For me its a money issue and a planning issues.


----------



## olwen

chicken legs said:


> Thin Privilege? What about "Big as Fuck and dominate the shit out of others Privilege?...
> 
> There is 2 sides to the coin. I see some supersized people handling their shit and working around it to do what they want and support their loved ones. Then I see others who's intent I question. Do they care for their SO or do they just want a personal assistant to do their bidding?
> 
> Personally, I'm no energizer bunny regardless of my weight and health. For me its a money issue and a planning issues.



I have a hard time imagining that anyone would gain weight just so they have an excuse to not have to do anything. 

I can imagine a scenario where a gainer in a BDSM relationship is the Dom and the thin feeder is the submissive, in which case I'd imagine both people understand and agree to that kind of dynamic and the demands it puts on the sub, but those demands are just part of being sub. But also a dominant personality can't be that way without people to dominate over. 

I can imagine how someone who is super sized might not be feeling empowered and thus possibly depressed and unmotivated to undertake the challenges that come with being so big. However, I don't see that as a character flaw or a moral failing given how difficult it is to be fat in this world. Then support and help is what they need more than anything...there is more to say about this issue of fear and dependency, but I just don't want to get into it right now.


----------



## LovelyLiz

To me this is a compatibility issue that doesn't fall cleanly along fat/thin lines. There are active and inactive fat people, and active and inactive thin people. Then, there are people who find it important to match on that level, and others who don't mind some divergence as long as each is given freedom to do the active/inactive things they enjoy - we've seen that much in this thread already.

But health, mobility, and the freedom to be active is promised to no one forever - whether fat or thin. Bodies change, people change, and that's all just part of sharing a long life together.


----------



## BullseyeB

mcbeth said:


> ...Bodies change, people change, and that's all just part of sharing a long life together.



Right on! This is a well thought out comment!


----------



## Johannes

:smitten:


Grandi Floras said:


> Honey, it you are big, you are big and if a man is indeed interested in you, he has to realize that there just are some things we hefty ladies just cannot do. I think the main thing that we can do is love with all of our hearts and be more honest and upfront with who we are and what we can do. If a man cannot accept us just the way that we are, then he needs to go find a skinny minnie girl to do those things with. I for one am not that active in the physical sense, but in all else I am pretty danged good at what I do.



Very true!
A SSBBW is BIG girl and hence some activities are not possible. But even very big girls can do a hell of a lot of fun and demanding things!! You and your wife/girlfriend can do it! 
:smitten:


----------



## BullseyeB

You know, the bottom line here is that if the couple wants to spend time together, then they will. They may need to make adjustments, but they will figure it out if they really want to.

I have been supersized since before my husband and I met. He is a weight lifter, hiker, sailor and all around fit, active guy. I have always participated in activities to the extent that I could, even now that my mobility has been affected by an autoimmune disease.

Examples of this: On our honeymoon, we drove to the San Juan Islands. While there and on the beautiful drive through Oregon and Washington State, we stopped along the way. We walked on the beach, we took short, flat trailed "hikes" and drove to scenic lookouts. The next day, we would go to some trail head and I would drop him off so he could take his super strenuous hike and I would either take a scenic drive, prowl around the nearby town or stay at the trail head and read a book while sitting on a log or in the car. I was happy, he was happy. We have done this for years and it works really well. 

Of course, we are both independent people and are fine with our alone time. I think that problems arise when people cannot seem to separate from their partner for flexibility sake. I have never been one to be attached at the hip with my partner.


----------



## LordQuas

olwen said:


> And yet you are emphasizing the need to date a fat person who is also active. Seems rather contradictory. If you don't have an issue with it, then why make it a point to only date fat people who are into very physical activities?



So I cant like big women and want to enjoy physical activities with them? Why does this bother you so much? It's not like I'm going around calling any woman I don't think is overly active a lazy slob. Everyone has different activity levels and for anyone to try to be with someone whose activity level doesnt vibe with their own just doesnt make sense to me. I feel like you're trying to turn something into a weight issue that I just don't associate with weight.


----------



## LordQuas

mcbeth said:


> To me this is a compatibility issue that doesn't fall cleanly along fat/thin lines. There are active and inactive fat people, and active and inactive thin people. Then, there are people who find it important to match on that level, and others who don't mind some divergence as long as each is given freedom to do the active/inactive things they enjoy - we've seen that much in this thread already.
> 
> But health, mobility, and the freedom to be active is promised to no one forever - whether fat or thin. Bodies change, people change, and that's all just part of sharing a long life together.



I wish I hadve seen this before I responded because this captured my feelings much more succinctly than I could have


----------



## olwen

LordQuas said:


> So I cant like big women and want to enjoy physical activities with them? Why does this bother you so much? It's not like I'm going around calling any woman I don't think is overly active a lazy slob. Everyone has different activity levels and for anyone to try to be with someone whose activity level doesnt vibe with their own just doesnt make sense to me. I feel like you're trying to turn something into a weight issue that I just don't associate with weight.



It doesn't bother me particularly actually, just pointing out that you are contradicting yourself. Of course you can like big women and enjoy doing acitivites with them, but you are saying that you don't mind if fat women have limitations but that you need to be with one who enjoys doing physical activities. In my mind those things are outdoorsy things like hiking, camping, long walks, roller blading and other types of sports (Playing pool, which I actually love to do isn't something I would consider physical, but standing around for hours to watch a parade is). 

You say you've never dated someone who had a mobility issue and you prefer people who enjoy physical activities, but you also say you can handle dating someone who isn't outdoorsy but you haven't actually done it...so saying you can handle it but not having actually done it seem like two different things. If those outdoorsy things are important to you dating someone who is fat and who is limited physically would be very challenging I think. 

Obviously fat people are different and have different activity levels, but the bottom line is the bigger a person is the more physical limitations they will have and it doesn't seem realistic to expect that type of person to be into outdoorsy physical activities and then get frustrated if they can't do it. This just isn't to you but to anyone who doesn't want to be slowed down for any reason.


----------



## chicken legs

olwen said:


> I have a hard time imagining that anyone would gain weight just so they have an excuse to not have to do anything.
> 
> I can imagine a scenario where a gainer in a BDSM relationship is the Dom and the thin feeder is the submissive, in which case I'd imagine both people understand and agree to that kind of dynamic and the demands it puts on the sub, but those demands are just part of being sub. But also a dominant personality can't be that way without people to dominate over.
> 
> I can imagine how someone who is super sized might not be feeling empowered and thus possibly depressed and unmotivated to undertake the challenges that come with being so big. However, I don't see that as a character flaw or a moral failing given how difficult it is to be fat in this world. Then support and help is what they need more than anything...there is more to say about this issue of fear and dependency, but I just don't want to get into it right now.



My post earlier was a bit of rant because it really annoys me when a person uses it as an excuse to get out of doing something..just because they don't want to do it. I get really insulted when someone is trying to bullshit me. I rather a person be upfront that they don't want do something.


----------



## LordQuas

olwen said:


> It doesn't bother me particularly actually, just pointing out that you are contradicting yourself. Of course you can like big women and enjoy doing acitivites with them, but you are saying that you don't mind if fat women have limitations but that you need to be with one who enjoys doing physical activities. In my mind those things are outdoorsy things like hiking, camping, long walks, roller blading and other types of sports (Playing pool, which I actually love to do isn't something I would consider physical, but standing around for hours to watch a parade is).
> 
> You say you've never dated someone who had a mobility issue and you prefer people who enjoy physical activities, but you also say you can handle dating someone who isn't outdoorsy but you haven't actually done it...so saying you can handle it but not having actually done it seem like two different things. If those outdoorsy things are important to you dating someone who is fat and who is limited physically would be very challenging I think.
> 
> Obviously fat people are different and have different activity levels, but the bottom line is the bigger a person is the more physical limitations they will have and it doesn't seem realistic to expect that type of person to be into outdoorsy physical activities and then get frustrated if they can't do it. This just isn't to you but to anyone who doesn't want to be slowed down for any reason.



I think it's just best if we agree to disgree


----------



## txboy

LadyLeilaBombshell said:


> My other half gets a bit irritated when I don't want to go for a hike with him, or go mountain biking. Do other guys want it both ways? Super active, yet really fat?




My lady cannot do as much as she used to due to her weight. When I first met her (she was 240lb) we did some bike riding and hiking and such. But in the last 5 years she gained a significant amount of wieght so most of these activities are now past news. But, when you love someone, you just move on and find other activities you both can enjoy. We used to love taking drives in my Corvette, but as she got heavier that was not as much fun to her fitting in the car. Also, a Corvette (as most all 2 seaters) has a weight limit of 400lbs and she is at 370 so her alone was basically at max weight capacity of the car before I was in it. With me we are over the load limits. Driving the car was no longer enjoyable for her and the car leaned on her side, bottomed out and scraped so much I hated to drive it for fear of damage. So, I sold that car and my motorcycle as she could not ride on the back of it anymore either as the shocks would completely compress down so there was no ride comfort at all. With that money we bought an SUV so we could take rides. But - now she doesn't want to even do that anymore. 

So, I feel your pain and hopefully we will find more than just watching movies and reading to do together. I just wish she would get a move on so we can enjoy life a little more.


----------



## LovelyLiz

txboy said:


> SNIPPED
> *a Corvette (as most all 2 seaters) has a weight limit of 400lbs
> *SNIPPED



Is this really true? That seems awfully low for a car that powerful.


----------



## Mishty

I had forgotten about this thread, but recently had to deal with a partner being upset I couldn't do things because of my size. Something as simple as an amusement park had us all worked up because she wanted to go and ride while I stood and watched I suppose...... meh, bad feeling. I seriously hope this isn't common amongst FA's in general.


----------



## bigmac

mcbeth said:


> Is this really true? That seems awfully low for a car that powerful.



Its sort of true. Its true that many cars (Corvette included) have laughably low weight limits. In real life they can safely carry much more. The ratings are a _cover your ass _strategy. If you crash your seven passenger minivan with seven people in it and then sue the manufacturer they can defend themselves by saying you overloaded your vehicle.


http://www.usatoday.com/money/autos/2007-09-13-overloaded-cars_N.htm


In reality you can safely put 800lbs in a car rated for only 400lbs. There are big safety margins built into these ratings. Tires are the weak point -- so for safe driving replace your tires before the tread is totally gone.


----------



## Mack27

I do get irritated, not at the woman, just in general or more at myself for not thinking about it beforehand. It can come off as me being irritated at her though which makes us both feel bad. I have to watch that.


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Mack27 said:


> I do get irritated, not at the woman, just in general or more at myself for not thinking about it beforehand. It can come off as me being irritated at her though which makes us both feel bad. I have to watch that.



It is nice that you think ahead and if you don't..don't beat yourself up too much - I think sometimes when people forget it is because they don't see me as this ssbbw who needs a table not a booth. They just see Tammy.

I have experienced a ex whose claims to like big girls was disingenous with me. He was angry at me when things didn't work...I always kept up. As a "test'. I realized later, we spent over 15 hours exploring, NYC - in winter - in snow boots.I had blood blisters..I stood and walked probably 15 miles that day... at the end of the day he looks me and says "I was surprised you kept up".

Ughhhh...

A nice guy who realizes I have some restrictions and at least takes the time to think of that is good in my book. I don't expect him to know everything unless we have been together for quite some time..


----------



## Sweet Tooth

Mack27 said:


> I do get irritated, not at the woman, just in general or more at myself for not thinking about it beforehand. It can come off as me being irritated at her though which makes us both feel bad. I have to watch that.



I give you a lot of credit for recognizing this because I've been in relationships where I was upset with myself for limitatiions like fitting in theater seats. My ex would feel the brunt of it even if it were not directed at him. Talking about it and recognizing it for what it was helped give him peace about situations and me a soft place to land when I was upset and frustrated.


----------



## Russell Williams

It bothers me that Louise can not walk without a walker and then for no more than about 50 feet. However what bothers me about it is that I know she resents the limitations that her body places upon her. The hope is that when she gets her hip replaced she will be able to be much more mobile.

If she becomes much more mobile than another situation comes into play. It hurts me to walk. About 200 feet is my limit. I am fairly certain that if after her hip replacement she could walk a half a mile and I can only walk 200 feet Louise will not resent me because of my limitations.

As far as not fitting into things I have always found it stimulating to see a large female try to get into a tight space. There is absolutely no resentment of the person's lack of fitting, only an enjoyment of it. Even though she must use a walker Louise certainly has a very sexy, lovely, exciting, body.

And her body is attached to a magnificently brilliant mind. Without the brilliant mind the body would be of little interest in the long run.

Perhaps it is inherited. At some point my mother and father told me that the first time my father met my mother and talked with her he decided that he had to get to know this brilliant woman better.


----------



## larousse

This thread is very illuminating. I am very capable and active for someone of my size (5'5", around 340 lbs). I don't drive so I'm used to walking everywhere, I enjoy hiking, swimming, etc and I at least attempt to do any physical activity presented before me, even if I look ridiculous doing it.

However, I am definitely not the fastest person while doing these things, plus I tend to get red, sweaty and out of breath easily and more than one of my male friends (they're definitely not FAs) have teased me mercilessly for this and complained very loudly about the fact that I can't keep up well enough. If a partner of mine had the same attitude, I'd be enraged. It's bad enough hearing it from your friends and family, I couldn't imagine hearing it from someone who claimed to love and desire your body.


----------



## KHayes666

There's only one thing that drives me absolutely up the wall, excessive laziness. My fiancee hasn't done it but I've had experience with it in the past.

Like if I'm on the other side of the room and a ssbbw wants something 5 inches out of her reach she'll ask me to get it. I don't mind getting something while I'm already up, but get off your lazy ass will ya?

This doesn't apply to people with leg injuries or in bed sick, just excessive laziness.


----------



## LovelyLiz

KHayes666 said:


> There's only one thing that drives me absolutely up the wall, excessive laziness. My fiancee hasn't done it but I've had experience with it in the past.
> 
> Like if I'm on the other side of the room and a ssbbw wants something 5 inches out of her reach she'll ask me to get it. I don't mind getting something while I'm already up, but get off your lazy ass will ya?
> 
> This doesn't apply to people with leg injuries or in bed sick, just excessive laziness.



For the record, non-fat people can be lazy too.


----------



## KHayes666

mcbeth said:


> For the record, non-fat people can be lazy too.



Yeah, no kidding. One of my friends is thin as a rail yet has to crawl off the couch and fall on the floor in order to get up.


----------

