# Trying to live on my own



## SirBHM (Nov 30, 2012)

I'm finally on my own, but I still don't feel secure in my interests (Being big and liking big). I'm sure my immediate friends would have no problem, but my family, people I work with, doctors, and probably others, make me feel uncomfortable in achieving my goal. That is to not worry about weight (possibly gain some), and to find a girl who has, or doesn't mind having some herself. Whenever I think of these two things, one thing comes to my mind: What will they think?

Basically, I just need tips and motivation. I believe in having a world that doesn't care about anything to do with strict fashion, but unfortunately, things aren't like this.


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## fat hiker (Dec 2, 2012)

I know it's not as simple as it sounds, but you have to stop thinking "what will they think?" and start thinking, "this is what I want and it's great!". Most other people do NOT think about you and your size as much as you think they do; once you realise this, and liberate your thinking from "what do they think" to "what do I think? I love it", you'll be happier. And happier people are better accepted by others, no matter their size.

Go for it! I know the liberation that came when I stopped worrying about what other people would think and instead just learned to be comfortable with me... all of me.


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## SirBHM (Dec 2, 2012)

One thing that has inspired me lately was the show from Gabriel Iglesias. "Hot and Fluffy." Hilarious guy. Same sort of big guy feelings in him. I guess I can try to think about my own feelings like him... It's hard though.


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## lovelocs (Dec 6, 2012)

There's a phrase that comes to mind in the situation: "on my own shit," which basically means that you are so deeply engrossed in your own life, and getting your own needs met, that you just didn't have time to take note of anyone else's objections. You're not pretending to not care, you just didn't know about their opinion because you were too busy: 

1. Enjoying dinner and a movie with your woman. 
2. Running a happy home with your woman.
3. Making sweet, sweaty love to your woman.

And so on. 

It's kind of a thing which happens when you aren't looking. Suddenly you look around, and you realize you haven't been thinking about anybody else's opinions, and your stomach feels healthier, and your shoulders aren't in knots, and you don't want to go back to feeling apprehensive about just being you. 

Of course, this can't happen if you are always around your friends and family, asking them for advice. You have to trust yourself and your partner. And lastly, I find people on the street are frequently cowards, some idiots want to say something, but they don't want the flak. Most of the time...


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## ~KawaiiFFA~ (Dec 7, 2012)

This reminds me of a quote my mom often says to me:

"When I was younger, I'd walk into a room and worry what everyone would think of me. Now, I worry what I'll think of them."

Basically, at some point you should stop caring whether people will find you funny or interesting or weird or if they'll judge you, and start deciding what kind of people _you_ want in _your_ life. Because most people probably don't care enough about your life to judge you, and if they do, fuck 'em, right?

It's harder than it sounds and I try to tell myself this all the time. I'm still learning, but hopefully as I get older I'll only continue to become more confident in my own life choices. Best of luck.


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## sarahyourprincess (Dec 23, 2012)

there's this song I always sing to myself when I'm having one of those moments 
I don't know who it's by but someone at work was listening to it once and I fell in love with it

it's all about how the guy isn't perfect but its okay because he likes himself
and the older I get, the more I realize that it doesn't matter at all what other people think, it's all about, and what you think of you. If your happy it doesn't matter because your good 

Anyway the chorus of the song is "I will be alright, you don't gotta be my friend tonight, and I will be okay you would probably bore me anyway"

And it's right, if they're going to judge you on the outside they aren't worth your time, they would probably bore you


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## fat hiker (Dec 23, 2012)

SirBHM said:


> One thing that has inspired me lately was the show from Gabriel Iglesias. "Hot and Fluffy." Hilarious guy. Same sort of big guy feelings in him. I guess I can try to think about my own feelings like him... It's hard though.



So, how's it going? Being inspired by Gabriel Iglesias sounds like a good start. Are there other big guys you find attractive, or want to copy? Keep looking for them - I saw one getting on the bus the other day, medium height, nice hair, nice smile, waist at least 60" around - clad neatly in golf shirt, light jacket and jeans. He took up a seat and a half on the bus, but was smiling and joking with the passengers near him. He seemed content with himself, and everybody around him responded positively to his positiveness. 

And of course, with Christmas approaching, what better inspiration for being fat and self-accepting than the jolly old elf himself? There are even Christmas-based stories about BHMs in the Stories library - find a few.

Happy Holidays!


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## GordoNegro (Dec 29, 2012)

All good things come in time, when you are comfortable in your own skin..its a beautiful thing. Its' a truly liberating feeling when you can be your true self.
Whether you like to smile, like to read or just like being different than everyone else. Knowing over time not just FFA, some closeted FFA and those who never thought of being with a BHM before may send signs of flirtation your way, just have to have your eyes open to see them.


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## Yakatori (Dec 31, 2012)

sarahyourprincess said:


> there's this song I always sing to myself...the chorus of the song is "I will be alright, you don't gotta be my friend tonight, and I will be okay you would probably bore me anyway"..


_Forest Whitaker_-*Brother Ali*​
(Guessing the title has something to do with the "unique everyman"-like quality of actor Whitaker's distinctive physical features)


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## YoJoshua (Dec 31, 2012)

"Albert. Try to think like you got some sense. Why any woman give a shit what people think is a mystery to me."

Alice Walker, "The Color Purple"


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## sarahyourprincess (Dec 31, 2012)

Yakatori said:


> _Forest Whitaker_-*Brother Ali*​
> (Guessing the title has something to do with the "unique everyman"-like quality of actor Whitaker's distinctive physical features)



That is it! your awesome


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## reuben6380 (Mar 12, 2013)

I constantly find myself scratching my head at posts like these because i can't believe there could be so much trepidation over being with a fat chick, or being fat yourself. Fat, in this case being used as an adjective, like tall, tall is an adj. and no one ever worries about coming out to they're family and friends and telling them, "well I don't know how to tell you all this but..... I'm....TALL! There, I said it, TALL. Please don't judge me!" Attaching un-do importance to a trivial subject only serves to further the taboo! :doh: pant... pant..rant over.


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## fritzi (Mar 12, 2013)

reuben6380 said:


> I constantly find myself scratching my head at posts like these because i can't believe there could be so much trepidation over being with a fat chick, or being fat yourself. Fat, in this case being used as an adjective, like tall, tall is an adj. and no one ever worries about coming out to they're family and friends and telling them, "well I don't know how to tell you all this but..... I'm....TALL! There, I said it, TALL. Please don't judge me!" Attaching un-do importance to a trivial subject only serves to further the taboo! :doh: pant... pant..rant over.



I'm not sure whether I should pity or envy you - that you can go through life oblivious of connatations and implied concepts in the use of language ....


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## ecogeek (Mar 12, 2013)

I don't think he is being at all oblivious. I think he is choosing to see and accept things a different way. 



fritzi said:


> I'm not sure whether I should pity or envy you - that you can go through life oblivious of connatations and implied concepts in the use of language ....


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## reuben6380 (Mar 13, 2013)

Maybe years of text messaging and mmo chatting has diminished my ability to create aesthetically pleasing sentence structure? Shrug* I'm not a proud man and I'm certainly not above a grammar lesson or two conducted over the privacy of a personal message if that would help to make my typing more pleasing :happy: Being a prior offender, the grammar cops are going to put me away for along time if i get busted again...


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