# Peer Pressure?



## CarlaSixx (Dec 18, 2011)

Anyone else feel this way?

I'm only 22, but many of the people I grew up with are either engaged/married, having kids, or both! It feels like I'm the only one who's not and I'm starting to feel pressured. It's really bothering me. 

Anyone else feeling this way? Anyone else feel like even though they're young, their clock is ticking? How do you handle it?

I just wish I had something that could stop me from feeling like a failure because I'm not even close to having what they have, even though I want it.


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## Jeeshcristina (Dec 18, 2011)

CarlaSixx said:


> Anyone else feel this way?
> 
> I'm only 22, but many of the people I grew up with are either engaged/married, having kids, or both! It feels like I'm the only one who's not and I'm starting to feel pressured. It's really bothering me.
> 
> ...



I am right there with you!!! I have very few single unmarried friends and those that are married have kids and whatnot. It's a constant struggle, because you want to fit in, but don't want to cut your 20's short. You want kids and a family, but then realize it's a hugeeeeeee undertaking. I guess the way I look at it is the longer I wait, the more I'll appreciate it, and it gives me time to really solidify my views/beliefs, so I'm not 40 and decide I had the way my life has turned out. I know it sucks, but I think all we can do is wait, and try to enjoy life as we have it now, with late nights and no real responsibilities.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Dec 18, 2011)

CarlaSixx said:


> Anyone else feel this way?
> 
> I'm only 22, but many of the people I grew up with are either engaged/married, having kids, or both! It feels like I'm the only one who's not and I'm starting to feel pressured. It's really bothering me.
> 
> ...





Jeeshcristina said:


> I am right there with you!!! I have very few single unmarried friends and those that are married have kids and whatnot. It's a constant struggle, because you want to fit in, but don't want to cut your 20's short. You want kids and a family, but then realize it's a hugeeeeeee undertaking. I guess the way I look at it is the longer I wait, the more I'll appreciate it, and it gives me time to really solidify my views/beliefs, so I'm not 40 and decide I had the way my life has turned out. I know it sucks, but I think all we can do is wait, and try to enjoy life as we have it now, with late nights and no real responsibilities.



What Cristina said. 

I think everyone that doesn't get hitched at 20 goes through that. But it's always a sigh of personal relief when those same friends come up to me an tell me enjoy it while I can because once you have kids/get married it's not the same. 

I wouldn't say I've ever felt like a failure, but I definitely have felt like I was doing something wrong. 

At one point i decided to wake up and do ONE thing everything that either scared me, or that I wanted to do; it has been grand. I also remind myself of the luxury of having my own time and being able to do things on my time and not having to check in with someone or ask permission. Just keep your chin up and remember it is what you make it.


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## LinathSuru (Dec 18, 2011)

This is an interesting topic. I guess maybe I'm wired a bit different. When I was younger I didn't want children. That didn't change until I was 20, when I held my middle sister's newborn daughter in my arms at the hospital and sang her a lullaby I'd written for her. That moment was a turning point for me. It melted my heart and I decided someday I wanted a child... But I also decided not until thirty at the absolute earliest, but probably more like thirty-five.

I think about this... Most people I know who are my age (25) or younger are not financially stable enough to justify children even if they do have them. They may be making it by with a little money for fun, but usually they aren't really secure in their future, let alone the future of their children. I know that if I had a child right now I would have to seriously change my living conditions. I'd have to have a higher paying job or a smaller place, which wouldn't be fair to my two dogs. I'd have to afford sitters for the day while I was at work or find some other way to be sure they were taken care of by someone I trusted with my life.

And in twenty years after paying all the expenses for their stuff (school, sports, recreation, band, toys, etc.) how would I help them through college? No. I don't feel at all pressured. In fact most of the time when I find out someone I know who's twenty-five has kids I wonder how on earth they plan to afford the child's future, let alone if I find out one of my younger friends has tied the knot and had a child.

Again, maybe I'm just wired differently, but those are reasons that the 'peer pressure' just doesn't even touch me on this issue.


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## dynezt (Dec 18, 2011)

A few people I went to school with are married now. Luckily most of my friend's aren't...yet. Most of them are in stable relationships and talking about their futures and I guess it does bother me a bit from time to time.

Just think of all the things they can't do now they're married or have kids. It's a lot of responsibility they you'll have for the rest of your life. Travel and see/do things that you personally want to do, party and be immature while you can


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## The Orange Mage (Dec 18, 2011)

I don't feel pressure, just a tinge of jealousy that they found someone so simply, because for me it isn't simple at all.


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## bmann0413 (Dec 19, 2011)

The Orange Mage said:


> I don't feel pressure, just a tinge of jealousy that they found someone so simply, because for me it isn't simple at all.



That's the one.


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## Your Plump Princess (Dec 19, 2011)

My best friend [who is my age] is engaged to be married next september. My other friend is married with kids [granted, SHE'S 29] 

It's sort of stuck in the back of my head, and it gets to be a lot sometimes, but I too remind myself of how easy I have it. Having the freedom to be selfish with my time if I choose so, not having to worry about certain things, not having as many responsibilities, etc. 
 then again, growing up I told myself I wanted to have kids and find real longterm love by age 30 or I was tossin' in the towel


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## NoWayOut (Dec 19, 2011)

Actually, no, I don't feel a bit of pressure. While my friends are getting married and having kids, I've been seeing everything I possibly can. During this year, I've visited Minneapolis, Chicago, St. Louis, Springfield, Kansas City, Milwaukee, Portland, San Francisco, Sacramento, Denver, Phoenix, Boise and Des Moines. About half of those were for work, but still, most of my friends never even left their own state.

Maybe it's different for me because I'm unsure on marriage and know that I never want kids, but at almost 24, I don't feel the least bit of pressure just because my friends are married and having kids. 

In fact, I really pity them because they seem trapped to me. The best way I've summed it up is, "Almost all of my friends have either have a spouse, a kid or both. I have an apartment and a Slovakia flag. I think I made the right decision."


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## NoWayOut (Dec 19, 2011)

Double posted, kindly delete.


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## Melian (Dec 19, 2011)

Nope, don't feel any pressure. I got engaged at 26, married at 27 and we have agreed that we will never have kids - just hang out and do whatever the hell we want until we drop dead. Actually, I never even wanted to get married, but it just kind of happened.

That being said, I am envious of some friends who didn't bother with grad school and have been working REAL jobs for the last several years, while I'm going to be finishing my PhD at 29. Seems like years of wasted income, but at least they'll have to call me "doctor."


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## Webmaster (Dec 19, 2011)

Melian said:


> That being said, I am envious of some friends who didn't bother with grad school and have been working REAL jobs for the last several years, while I'm going to be finishing my PhD at 29. Seems like years of wasted income, but at least they'll have to call me "doctor."



I so remember the syndrome. In Switzerland we finished academic high school at 19, then military, then 4-1/2 years of college plus a mandatory full year of practical field experience, then grad school and doctoral studies, and I was 29, too, when I got the Ph.D. By that time, friends who had chosen the European-style trade school/learn-on-the-job apprenticeship system had already 15 years of practical work experience and a well-paying career.


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 19, 2011)

I guess for me it is a bit different. I'm having friends and family say "You'd probably feel much better if you were seeing someone." or "you'd have so much fun if you were a mom." and stuff like that. I guess because they actually verbally pressure me, it's a little different than just seeing everyone hooking up and having kids.

Mind you... I'm very behind than a lot of my peers. I never went to college and have only had 3 jobs. None lasting that long, which I recently found out what makes that happen for me. Sure, some of my friends were drop outs, too. But that's cuz they had kids. 

I guess I just feel like too late of a bloomer that it actually makes me feel more like a dud.


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## Jeeshcristina (Dec 19, 2011)

CarlaSixx said:


> I guess for me it is a bit different. I'm having friends and family say "You'd probably feel much better if you were seeing someone." or "you'd have so much fun if you were a mom." and stuff like that. I guess because they actually verbally pressure me, it's a little different than just seeing everyone hooking up and having kids.
> 
> Mind you... I'm very behind than a lot of my peers. I never went to college and have only had 3 jobs. None lasting that long, which I recently found out what makes that happen for me. Sure, some of my friends were drop outs, too. But that's cuz they had kids.
> 
> I guess I just feel like too late of a bloomer that it actually makes me feel more like a dud.




I know for me, after high school, I just wasn't ready for college. I had no clue what I wanted to do in life, and took some time off. I worked some fun but low paying jobs, and then I finally figured out what I wanted to do and went back. It takes lots of time and patience. Not every career requires a degree, as I'm sure you know, but it is hard not to feel left out when you see everyone talking about finals and classes. Still, you shouldn't feel bad about not having those things. It's overrated. Lol. At the end of the day, you have to follow your own path. It's no fun to live someone else's life!


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## Tad (Dec 19, 2011)

It can vary so much depending on who you are around, I think? A friend of mine had a several year relationship with a woman from a little northern ontario town, and her peers and family had all pretty much gotten pregnant right after high school, (some got married first), while she'd gone off to university. In her late 20s she just felt SO much pressure to get married and have kids, that she was pretty much an old maid by the standards of her town, that it really contributed to the demise of the relationship (my friend was no way ready for that at the time).

On the other hand, when we had a kid in our late 20s, we were the first of any of our friends, people thought we were crazy to tie ourselves down that early, and we pretty much got left behind for years because what our friends were doing wasn't compatible with a toddler.

So no matter what you are feeling, try to remember that just because those people feel that way, it doesn't make it some universal truth.


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## Happenstance (Dec 19, 2011)

NoWayOut said:


> Actually, no, I don't feel a bit of pressure. While my friends are getting married and having kids, I've been seeing everything I possibly can. During this year, I've visited Minneapolis, Chicago, St. Louis, Springfield, Kansas City, Milwaukee, Portland, San Francisco, Sacramento, Denver, Phoenix, Boise and Des Moines. About half of those were for work, but still, most of my friends never even left their own state.



But this makes me jealous too. I don't have the family or the relationship, nor all the freedoms that the lack of a family supposedly affords.

I've been single for nearly three years, (that's right, Kiyera,) and while I finally feel ready to enter a relationship again, I don't have a clue as to where to go with that. The chances of my meeting someone who I'd be interested in dating, who would be okay with dating someone like me, are not terrific. For a while I was able to dismiss my peers who had spouses and children as not being ready for it, not understanding what they were getting into, but as the years go by that position becomes less valid, and shows itself to be the sour grape it truly is.


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## Weeze (Dec 19, 2011)

Honestly, it's not my "peers" giving me that kind of pressure, it's actually my family. I've never been serious enough with someone to do the whole "meet the fam" stuff, but my sister is serious enough with her boyfriend that they're talking about getting engaged and such. It's unspoken, but there's definitely a "what's wrong with kris" undertone, especially since i'm the older one.


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## Surlysomething (Dec 19, 2011)

I'm not in a relationship currently and I don't have any kids.

My family has never given me pressure about either. (they know better)


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## LinathSuru (Dec 19, 2011)

Oooh! That kind of peer pressure. I get that to a degree cause each of my two sisters has provided my mother two grandchildren and she wants to see grandchildren from me before she passes. I told her the same thing I said earlier though. Not til at least 30, probably more like 35.

Still don't really feel the pressure on the topic.


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## NoWayOut (Dec 19, 2011)

CarlaSixx said:


> I guess for me it is a bit different. I'm having friends and family say "You'd probably feel much better if you were seeing someone." or "you'd have so much fun if you were a mom." and stuff like that. I guess because they actually verbally pressure me, it's a little different than just seeing everyone hooking up and having kids.
> 
> Mind you... I'm very behind than a lot of my peers. I never went to college and have only had 3 jobs. None lasting that long, which I recently found out what makes that happen for me. Sure, some of my friends were drop outs, too. But that's cuz they had kids.
> 
> I guess I just feel like too late of a bloomer that it actually makes me feel more like a dud.



Nah, everyone hits things whenever they're ready, or sometimes not at all. Just because you're single doesn't mean anything's wrong with you. It's your life, and it's different from anyone else's.

I do have to say, I am shocked anyone's telling you that you'd have so much fun if you were a mom. From what I see, I don't think you'd have any fun if you were a mom.


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## seavixen (Dec 19, 2011)

My friends are a mixed bag. Most of the people I'm acquainted with, including those much younger than myself (I'm 29) have at LEAST one child. Most of them, however, are not married. Some are divorced. Some are dating. Some are single. The main three couples that my husband and I hang out with are: married, in the process of divorce, and engaged. Each couple has one child.

We're the only couple who does not, and does not ever intend, to have kids. This is both by choice and biology - while my doctor says I could conceive with a little medical help, I don't want to go through the emotional turmoil that would likely arise from that... failures, etc.; in addition, we are not at the financial level where children would be comfortably doable. There's also the whole we-don't-want-kids thing, because both of us are rather selfish and set in our ways, and we like all the nice, clean space in our house - and the sleep, privacy, and so forth. We like cooing at other people's kids, then going home to our baby/child-free home. 

I guess I have an easier out when people pressure me to procreate, because I can just pull the "I can't have kids" card. It's not NECESSARILY 100% true, but who knows? Maybe it is! I'm fine with it, and people seem to accept it more readily than, "No, we don't want kids." That seems like an invitation for people to ramble on and on about the joys and wonders of parenthood, which I have no interest in.

Neither of my parents have ever bothered me about marriage or babies. Since both of them have been married multiple times and lost children, I guess that makes sense.

It can be depressing to have people (hopefully unintentionally) make you feel inadequate for not having this and that already - but there's no rush. I got married when I was just shy of 24; at the time, I felt like I was on the verge of being an old maid. Now, when I hear that someone around that age is getting married, I cringe and think that they're too young! (And a lot of them are; it's very much an individual thing.)

If you get down about it, just take a look around at some of the people who DO have those things. How many are horribly in debt because they were not financially prepared, getting divorced, already divorced, fighting over custody, pawning their kids off on anyone they can get to watch them - etc.? Is that the rule? No, but it's true in MANY instances. Everyone has their own pace, and there's no shame in taking your time and being both choosy and responsible. 

Oh, and about the other stuff? College and all that? You'd be amazed how many people don't follow the traditional educational/professional/life patterns, and are absolutely indistinguishable from everyone else.  There's nothing to feel bad - or even "behind" - about. We all live our lives differently and do things at varying speeds - that's what makes it interesting.


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## Amatrix (Dec 20, 2011)

When I was younger I always thought I would be married and have a gaggle of kids...

Now at 25 I am really blessed.

It is great because I can spoil my nieces, nephews and such... and then send them home.

My sisters look at me, see my life... They always sigh and then say something like, "Maybe if you settled down you would see how tough life is..."

Of course I am much too selfish to ever have kids. I like being me and doing things my way. I also see my sister fighting with her husband, sleepless nights with sick kids, cleaning up after little people, sacrificing things for others, ect.

I like sleeping in, I like smoking pot. I like blowing 200 bucks on makeup in one night. If I had a child/children I am more then sure my outlook would be different- I mean this with a straight face: If I ever saw anyone's child in need I would do whatever it took to take care of them... but right now I am only responsible for myself and I like it that way. When my sisters need something, or just a day to relax- they know they can count on me for just some extra cash or to take them out for coffee and getting our nails done. They have a free babysitter too. The kids and husbands and things like that... all blessings for them. I am the only person I know in real life that has no kids, never been married or divorced. They seem to get a little jealous of my life, and I get jealous of theirs. I am the oldest sister, and it always is brought up with family I don't see often or with "friends" from high school. 

Had a couple close calls in the marriage department. :happy: Escaped like a boss.

There are many paths in life, and it seems like others hear my biological clock louder then I do. I am busy listening to horrible dubstep and collecting massive amounts of makeup. I always have a funny story or some sort of life experience they can relate to, and even though our lives are vastly different- we share things in common. I am the one they talk to (about husbands who cant put the seat down, watch too much football, and never wash out the sink after shaving...), I am the one they share things with (new pictures of my nieces, new things the nieces can do, expecting more nieces/nephews, fears and joys of parenthood...) and I get to live those emotions through them while they get to live mine too (the struggle of being alone, the joy of being single, and getting packages in the mail from online shopping at 3 am...).

I might die like an old cat lady, alone but surrounded by cats... except the cats are jars of makeup and glitter. What a way to go though.


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 20, 2011)

I guess I'm kinda that way with wigs. I don't have to pay for dates that suck, so I buy things I like or take myself out on a date instead.


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## Aust99 (Dec 20, 2011)

dynezt said:


> A few people I went to school with are married now. Luckily most of my friend's aren't...yet. Most of them are in stable relationships and talking about their futures and I guess it does bother me a bit from time to time.
> 
> Just think of all the things they can't do now they're married or have kids. It's a lot of responsibility they you'll have for the rest of your life. Travel and see/do things that you personally want to do, party and be immature while you can





Weeze said:


> Honestly, it's not my "peers" giving me that kind of pressure, it's actually my family. I've never been serious enough with someone to do the whole "meet the fam" stuff, but my sister is serious enough with her boyfriend that they're talking about getting engaged and such. It's unspoken, but there's definitely a "what's wrong with kris" undertone, especially since i'm the older one.



These two posts sum up my stance on this... I'm not even sure I want kids.... but the pressure is there for sure.


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## MissAshley (Dec 20, 2011)

I'm 27 and I feel pressure from my family because I think they have expected me to be just like everyone else in the family. But I have always had different plans for my life. I want to graduate college, enjoy my 20s with the freedom of being unmarried and childless, pursue a pageant and modeling career, establish a good career, and celebrate my 30th birthday all before walking down the aisle or having kids.

I think family is slowly catching on that I am more of a careerist, but they still think 30 is on the old side of starting the marriage and kid thing. Oh well. If my body can take it, then that is good enough for me.


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## aocutiepi (Dec 20, 2011)

I come from the rural south, where there is still that expectation of women that "if you don't marry your high school sweetheart, you go to college and get the Mrs. degree." I am aware that it's 2011. Just the way it is. I was the first person in my family to go to college, male or female. I never had a high school sweetheart, I didn't even go on my first date until I was a senior in college at 21.

My little sister, on the other hand, got hitched a few months before she turned 20 to a man she met in college and before their first anniversary they had a baby. I love her more than words and my nephew is the light of my life... but her life is hard. She's trying to finish school and raise a baby and manage a household. I don't envy her that.

What I envy is how people think her life is more fulfilling and complete than mine, when really... they're just different. I graduated cum laude with my BA and just got accepted to pharmacy school... but the only questions people around here ask of me are, "When are you going to get married? How about kids? How does it feel that your little sister got married before you?"

It makes me want to stab something with a sharp object. It makes me feel like getting a freaking doctorate when no one in my family ever even had an associates is a worthless life pursuit. Apparently, I should just hitch my wagon to any old guy that walks by and pump out babies, because my life is incomplete and my degree won't keep me warm at night.

I sound bitter, I know. But my uncle, who has previously called me an old maid and a lesbian, said to me this weekend, "Have you ever even HAD a boyfriend?" Nope, nothing remarkable about me until I have a piece of jewelry on my finger and a baby on my hip. 

I feel the pressure from EVERYWHERE. From all of my friends from high school who are married with kids to my friends from college who are getting hitched left and right... to my family. Where it's worst of all.

And the well meaning ones kill me, "Oh, you'll find him in pharmacy school!" Because _that's_ the whole point of getting a doctorate. :doh:



Tad said:


> So no matter what you are feeling, try to remember that just because those people feel that way, it doesn't make it some universal truth.



Good point. I need to find these people. I suppose I have a few female friends who feel the same way. 



Weeze said:


> Honestly, it's not my "peers" giving me that kind of pressure, it's actually my family. I've never been serious enough with someone to do the whole "meet the fam" stuff, but my sister is serious enough with her boyfriend that they're talking about getting engaged and such. It's unspoken, but there's definitely a "what's wrong with kris" undertone, especially since i'm the older one.



Yep, that's pretty much how mine make me feel, too. Nail on the head. I get a lot of the "There's something wrong with Laura" vibe.


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## dan (Dec 21, 2011)

CarlaSixx said:


> Anyone else feel this way?
> 
> I'm only 22, but many of the people I grew up with are either engaged/married, having kids, or both! It feels like I'm the only one who's not and I'm starting to feel pressured. It's really bothering me.
> 
> ...


For the girls, It is probably the Biological clock that adds alot of the pressure......At 22 you have LOTS of TIME....Enjoy every bit of energy of your youth...


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## NoWayOut (Dec 22, 2011)

aocutiepi said:


> I come from the rural south, where there is still that expectation of women that "if you don't marry your high school sweetheart, you go to college and get the Mrs. degree." I am aware that it's 2011. Just the way it is. I was the first person in my family to go to college, male or female. I never had a high school sweetheart, I didn't even go on my first date until I was a senior in college at 21.
> 
> My little sister, on the other hand, got hitched a few months before she turned 20 to a man she met in college and before their first anniversary they had a baby. I love her more than words and my nephew is the light of my life... but her life is hard. She's trying to finish school and raise a baby and manage a household. I don't envy her that.
> 
> ...



See, that makes no sense to me. I think your life is more fulfilling because you've achieved something with it. You did something that nobody in your family ever managed, and you have a chance to go further and really craft your life the way you want to live it. 

I'm not trying to disparage motherhood, because it is a noble and challenging undertaking that takes a lot of work to do well, and I do respect those who choose that path. But, well, any woman with a functioning set of ovaries can become a wife and mother. Not just anyone, male or female, can earn a doctorate degree. To me, that's more impressive.


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## crosseyedhamster (Dec 22, 2011)

Amatrix said:


> My sisters look at me, see my life... They always sigh and then say something like, "Maybe if you settled down you would see how tough life is..."



Ever shoot back with "maybe life is only tough because you settled down?" 

Personally, I don't feel as much pressure to get married, and that's coming from being best man at my best friend's wedding this last July (Hint: we're a week apart, and only recently turned 22).

Far as having Kids, I've always kinda felt like the "Awesome Uncle" archetype: help kids out with important life lessons, show up and entertain the family on Christmas, do mah own thing 24/6.

Though at 22, I think taking the stance of "no, not interested in marriage or children" as a summary of where I am now is pretty reasonable.


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## thatgirl08 (Dec 26, 2011)

I feel some pressure to get married and have kids. A little from family as I'm my parents only child, and I know my mom would really like me to give her grandchildren someday. And some from friends, especially my best friend who is in a serious relationship that will likely turn into marriage in the near future. Most of the pressure comes from within myself though.. I've only had one relationship I'd even venture to describe as serious and at this point that's fairly debatable. I get sick of people really easily so my relationships are generally short-lived and tumultuous. Worst part is I recently met someone who I really like, and who I get along with really well, but he's unwilling to commit to being official boyfriend/girlfriend.  maybe I just have bad luck. I worry I'll never find someone I like enough to even consider marrying, and being a single parent doesn't really appeal to me but I'm not completely ruling it out either. I just worry about being alone forever.


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## KingColt (Feb 18, 2012)

You´re 22. Twenty. Two. Sit back, relax, give it a couple of years to watch all the young parents and married couples turn miserable, then laugh at them.


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## thatgirl08 (Feb 18, 2012)

KingColt said:


> You´re 22. Twenty. Two. Sit back, relax, give it a couple of years to watch all the young parents and married couples turn miserable, then laugh at them.



Not all young couples/parents become miserable. Everyone finds happiness in different ways. Nothing wrong with being single/childfree at 22, and nothing wrong with NOT being that either.


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## mediaboy (Feb 19, 2012)

Fuck having, kids. Get into plus size modeling.


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## CarlaSixx (Feb 19, 2012)

mediaboy said:


> Fuck having, kids. Get into plus size modeling.



Haha. No. 




........


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## rellis10 (Feb 19, 2012)

There's a bit of pressure. Even as early as 23 I keep seeing more and more friends settling down, getting married and some having kids. The biggest reminder is my twin brother, who has settled down with his long-term girlfriend... so there is a bit of a reminder in that there's such a contrast in our lives.

I try not to pay it too much attention though. The right time for me to settle down will be the time I find the right person. If and when that happens, THAT'S the time, not some arbitrary date/time in my life.


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## KHayes666 (Feb 22, 2012)

3 years ago I watched as one friend after another got married, engaged or were in long term relationships....I was openly mocked, ridiculed and called a variety of unpleasant names by people in the community who were in relationships. I put peer pressure on myself to get married or find the right one this very second and it backfired on me time after time. I didn't "click" with certain girls and I either was too young or too old (yes, an ancient 22/23 at the time)or I was a "creep".

Then I finally met my sweetheart without changing one damn thing about me that everyone thought was creepy, cruel, weird, etc and wouldn't ya know it, the pressure was gone.

3 years later I'm engaged to a wonderful woman while some of the people that ridiculed me when I was single were dumped, divorced or broke up with whoever they conned into dating them. Maybe there is such thing as karma after all.


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## MadLordOfMilk (Mar 2, 2012)

It's a mixed bag for me. I have friends ready to settle down, friends planning on grad school after their undergrad... really, it comes down to the person. That being said, I think most of my friends are focused on school currently over relationships and whatnot. We'll see if that changes over the next few years.


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## capra (Mar 14, 2012)

I don't feel any pressure about it at all. I'm 24 and a fair number of my high school friends are married and/or have children. I find it sad, to be quite honest. Most of my friends from college are still single or are in relationships that may go somewhere, but they aren't superstressed about the timing.


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## J34 (Mar 19, 2012)

capra said:


> I don't feel any pressure about it at all. I'm 24 and a fair number of my high school friends are married and/or have children. I find it sad, to be quite honest. Most of my friends from college are still single or are in relationships that may go somewhere, but they aren't superstressed about the timing.



Same thing here. I started seeing quite a bit of people getting married, and so young. I guess everyone has their own internal clock. I guess maybe its just me, but I'd rather get my career off the ground and my life in order before I start settling down. I've seen guys I have gone to school with 2 kids at this point and only a high school diploma under their belts. How do they expect to raise these kids? Its expensive!

Its interesting to note how fast some things in life come at you. The transition from high school, and being a kid to college and an adult. Granted some people know what they've wanted to major on for at least 10yrs (me:happy. Though there is quite a large number of young adults, who don't know what to do with themselves and start having kids at a young age. Sorry to digress from the topic, perhaps I'll start another thread.


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## paperman921 (Mar 26, 2012)

In response to Aocutiepie, it's ironic because you would be the model member in my family. Education was always first, and it had been assumed everyone in my family would receive their college degree. I think my parents want me to have a financially stable life, before I try to start a family.


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## Shinobi_Hime-Sama (Apr 2, 2012)

I see a lot of the ones I graduated high school with that are now married and have two or three kids. My sister had her first kid at 23 and then had the nerve to tell me I should be finding someone and have a kid because I wasn't getting any younger. I'm the older one by two years, and she's trying to get me to fall into the same situation she's in? She has a 4 year son now and a six month old baby boy and both are from different fathers. Neither of them are stable, she has a shit load of student loan debt to pay off and no job. The father of my older nephew will not let her leave the city she's in with him so she can't come down here where my parents are. She lives in Thunder Bay, which is a 17 hour drive from Southern Ontario. I'm going to be 29 in about 11 days and I have no plans for a kid, I just graduated college after trying to do it three times now. Currently I have not found a job in my field, and I really don't give in to her pressures about having a kid. I have a wonderful boyfriend now and I'm quite contented with just the two of us, there's no need to get locked into something that neither of us really want right now. I have been to Hawaii and Japan, two places that I actually paid for myself. I've had a few jobs over the last 8 years or so, longest one was 3 years. I had disposable income and I was going to use it, something I couldn't do if I had kid to take care of.

My boyfriend wants to travel, he wants to see Japan and I want to go back. As soon as we are able to that's one thing we'll be doing together.


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## sco17 (Apr 2, 2012)

A lot of my friends are trending towards either marriage, engagement, children or at the very least being in long term relationships. I sometimes wonder if it's weird that I'm not in the same situation but I realize I'm not really ready for that right now so maybe it's ok. I guess we all do things at the pace we're meant to.


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## Tad (Apr 2, 2012)

Every now and then I glance at this thread, and it always reminds of this song from Library Voices http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3PMFVwGE_I I guess you can say that it is a pretty common experience.


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## Nenona (Apr 9, 2012)

CarlaSixx said:


> Anyone else feel this way?
> 
> I'm only 22, but many of the people I grew up with are either engaged/married, having kids, or both! It feels like I'm the only one who's not and I'm starting to feel pressured. It's really bothering me.
> 
> ...



My clock isn't ticking but I'm the least favorite daughter because my 20-year-old sister is already engaged and pregnant and I haven't even brought home an actual boyfriend yet.
Basically, I'm absolute shit for not just "settling" for any guy that wants to have sex with me to make my parents happy--you know, like my sister has.

Honestly I'm an intellectual person--I always have been--and I'm only 23, on top of not really meeting a guy mature enough for me to keep a long-term relationship with.

Plus I live in Alabama. Not exactly intellectual central. It's impossible to find anyone around here with similar ideas/ideals/interests as my own.

Hell, it's hard enough to find a guy who isn't all "WELL AREN"T YA JUST HAPPY TO GET ATTENTION?" when he sends me a message on someplace like Okcupid--Usually I scare them away by talking about feminism, sexism, racism, and male/white privilege. Guys never want to discuss deep things--which honestly, I can't get into people that don't have deeper things to discuss!

But yeah, my family is nothing like me--I'm the black sheep, in that I don't hate my weight or how I look, and I have a variety of nerdy interests that aren't "appropriate" for someone my age--you know, being concerned with just my hair, nails, and my next pair of shoes, like my mom wants me to be.
I'd honestly rather wear glasses and spend my day watching old Cartoon shows while I knit than obsess over boys or having pretty nails.


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## Shinobi_Hime-Sama (Apr 12, 2012)

I posted above but the thing is, I honestly don't have any desire whatsoever to have a kid now. Both my nephews are here for the next 11 days and I can't stand it, after one day I've already had enough. I am still far too selfish to care about anyone other than me and my needs right now and really why shouldn't I be? I have finally achieved something recently that I think I should have done 10 years ago, I graduated college. Now why would I want to go a add to my stress by having a kid? I want my student loan gone and my credit card cleared before I will even think about it. I need a semblance of stability before I go racking up more debts than I want right now. I still need to find a job for my field first though and I will, it's just a matter of time.


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## Iannathedriveress (Jan 11, 2013)

I'm only 21, but I know some of my high school friends are either married or planning to get married. I know there is some pressure from my mother to get married and have children. But I enjoyed being single and childless. I like the freedom of doing whatever what interests me. Sure getting married and having kids sounds great, but I can't decide if I want to take the plunge or not, it's frustrating.


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## ClashCityRocker (Jan 16, 2013)

30 is fast approaching and so many friends and family members are tying the knot and/or having kids. to be honest the pressure doesnt really get to me..itll happen when its supposed to. ive seem what happens when people follow expectations(settling down, "career," etc) and honestly no one can tell you when its the right time for YOU to do something.


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## Jah (Jan 17, 2013)

When it comes to peer pressure I had the opposite situation. I was married way before anyone else my age. I got married at 20 and I'm still married to the same person.


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## ClashCityRocker (Jan 17, 2013)

Jah said:


> When it comes to peer pressure I had the opposite situation. I was married way before anyone else my age. I got married at 20 and I'm still married to the same person.



cant help but respect that.

and you love cats!


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## Jah (Jan 19, 2013)

Thanks!!


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## pockets (Jan 20, 2013)

I don't feel pressure at all. Tbh, I think 22 is way too young to be married.. I know people who have multiple children, & have never been single.. I feel like that's not the most healthy way to be... I don't think you can develop as an individual when you're committed to someone else like that from such a young age.


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## bmann0413 (Jan 26, 2013)

pockets said:


> I don't feel pressure at all. Tbh, I think 22 is way too young to be married.. I know people who have multiple children, & have never been single.. I feel like that's not the most healthy way to be... I don't think you can develop as an individual when you're committed to someone else like that from such a young age.



It's like that here where I live. Majority of people I know are getting or have already gotten married after they graduate high school. I'm just sitting here wondering why they would do so, at such a young age that you don't know who you are exactly.

It boggles the mind.


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