# I decided to join and to share/get some stuff off of my chest



## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

Hey all,

I decided to be brave and finally register and post a message here. I'd been viewing the boards for a while.. 

So, anyway.. about me.. well I'm 20 years old, from the UK, England... I've got long blonde hair and blue eyes, I'm 5'5 and as a guess 210 lbs? That's just a guess.. haha. I've not weighed myself for like 7 years. Too afraid to.

So, basically I'm posting here to share with you how I'm starting to feel a little bit better about myself after reading the forum. I'm very insecure with my body.. most girls my age are all twigs and I get depressed sometimes because I'm not.. and then other times I think 'No, wait.. I don't care what people think.. accept me for who I am..' (Oh I ramble, so please excuse me if this doesn't make much sense) The thing is, I've not always been this weight, I was sick.. I suffered from anorexia and bulimia for a while.. and now look at me.. I've blown up like a balloon.. and then I get depressed about being fatter than everyone else, so what do I do? I eat for comfort.. and then I feel fat for eating.. so I eat some more.. I'm like caught in this vicious cycle.

And then there's the whole thing about feeling crap everywhere... the world we live in is so size-ist.. especially in the UK I find. I have only found one shop that sells clothes in bigger sizes that don't make me look like a sack of potatoes.. I've yet to find one that sells clothes for my age.. some of the stuff that they offer would suit a woman in her late 40's.. early 50's.. but not me. And then I have this whole issue with chairs, they are so small.. most have arms too.. so, I don't want to embarrass myself by trying to squeeze my butt into it. So, I just stand up like an idiot and say 'Oh, I think I'll stand thanks' even when I'm desperate to sit down. I'm so paranoid that my doctor will be disgusted with me and tell me to diet that I refuse to let them weigh me. And yes I understand this is a rant of mine, but hopefully it'll make me feel better and some people can sympathize with how I'm feeling..

I used to constantly suck in my stomach, in fear that someone might see that I have a plump belly.. but lately after reading the forums and seeing people can actually be happy whatever size I've started to not suck it in.. let it all hang out. haha. It's just this whole thing of people saying 'I'm fat and happy' and then someone skinny turning around and going 'They just say it, they don't really mean it' It makes me mad.. And I think the reason I'm agoraphobic and haven't left my house in over a year is to do with the fact of how I feel about my weight. I haven't let -anyone- know this.. so here it is.. I can't stand the thought of people looking at me and thinking horrible thoughts 'Oh my god, look at how fat that young girl is.. she really let herself go..' or whatever.. also standing next to young thin girls in skimpy outfits is less than helpful. Who wants to see me standing next to them in a mini skirt? I sure wouldn't be able to.. not with my thunder thighs that rub together. I just worry constantly about what people will think and how out of place I'll look. I realise I'm not that big.. but to myself I feel enormous.. I've even been looking at pro-ana sites lately hoping I'll make myself feel better.. maybe follow the advice and then I'll feel happy again. Yes, I know.. I'm being really stupid.

Anyway, this probably doesn't make any sense.. if someone manages to read it and stuff.. please reply..
A special thank you to wagimawr for helping me out of my shell and giving me the courage to post here.


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## Dark_Hart (Oct 26, 2006)

welcome aboard cutie :wubu: 

glad you join Dimensions Forums  

I hope you will enjoy your time with us


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

Dark_Hart said:


> welcome aboard cutie :wubu:
> 
> glad you join Dimensions Forums
> 
> I hope you will enjoy your time with us



Thanks! :blush:


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 26, 2006)

First off, I think there is a difference between agoraphobia and being afraid to leave your house due to fear of ridicule over your size/appearance. Have you spoken to a psychiatrist or other mental health professional to determine a diagnonsis and treatment?

Secondly, and i hope others will take this in the spirit which it is offered, not everyone was intended to be heavy, and not everyone can take on the "fat and happy" attitude. Some can [and thank heavens for that, since I find fat guys really sexy] but some can't. You may benefit from both a change in attitude/self image AND from a health regimen that will have your body at a size/shape that makes you happy. Eating because you're depressed is unhealthy and no doubt it means lots of comfort type foods which are probably higher in fat and calories which may serve to make you feel worse. Also, if you're not leaving your house, you're not exercising which is unhealthy at any size.

As far as attitude--sure the world is size-ist, and yes others can be cruel, but in the long run, most people are far more concerned with their own lives then in worrying about what somebody else looks like. If you suffered from anorexia or bulimia, your body image is likely distorted; a 210 pound woman of your height is probably small enough to fit into most chairs, I'm wondering if your sense of your true size may have been thrown off by your eating disorders. I hope other women on here that have had ED's will chime in on this one.


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

LoveBHMS said:


> First off, I think there is a difference between agoraphobia and being afraid to leave your house due to fear of ridicule over your size/appearance. Have you spoken to a psychiatrist or other mental health professional to determine a diagnonsis and treatment?
> 
> Secondly, and i hope others will take this in the spirit which it is offered, not everyone was intended to be heavy, and not everyone can take on the "fat and happy" attitude. Some can [and thank heavens for that, since I find fat guys really sexy] but some can't. You may benefit from both a change in attitude/self image AND from a health regimen that will have your body at a size/shape that makes you happy. Eating because you're depressed is unhealthy and no doubt it means lots of comfort type foods which are probably higher in fat and calories which may serve to make you feel worse. Also, if you're not leaving your house, you're not exercising which is unhealthy at any size.
> 
> As far as attitude--sure the world is size-ist, and yes others can be cruel, but in the long run, most people are far more concerned with their own lives then in worrying about what somebody else looks like. If you suffered from anorexia or bulimia, your body image is likely distorted; a 210 pound woman of your height is probably small enough to fit into most chairs, I'm wondering if your sense of your true size may have been thrown off by your eating disorders. I hope other women on here that have had ED's will chime in on this one.



Yes, you are probably right that my body image is distorted.. not sure what I can do to change that either unfortunately, but in regards to my agoraphobia.. it's not solely the fact that I have issues with what people think of me.. as agoraphobia is a fear of the outside.. which is different. But yes, I fear the outside, but the fact that I fear what people think of me doesn't help this.. if you know what I mean? I probably didn't come over very clearly in my initial post, it was such a ramble/rant. 

And you're right about people being cruel whatever, I wasn't aiming to rattle anyones cage.. :doh: I was just trying to get some stuff off my chest.. get it all out and hopefully make some new friends here.


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## Jes (Oct 26, 2006)

Hi, Hasselhof!


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

Jes said:


> Hi, Hasselhof!



Hasselhof?


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## KuroBara (Oct 26, 2006)

Welcome aboard!! Let me tell you, if these people can't make you feel better, no matter how crappy your day starts, no one will!  You are truly among friends and people who understand your pain and insecurities....and then do what tehy can to help. You'll have fun.


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## Wagimawr (Oct 26, 2006)

InsecureGirl said:


> Hasselhof?


Don't worry - Jes starts off weird, but then she keeps getting weirder every time she posts, so it's cool.  You were just warmly welcomed.


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

KuroBara said:


> Welcome aboard!! Let me tell you, if these people can't make you feel better, no matter how crappy your day starts, no one will!  You are truly among friends and people who understand your pain and insecurities....and then do what tehy can to help. You'll have fun.



Thanks! I feel really good knowing that


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

Wagimawr said:


> Don't worry - Jes starts off weird, but then she keeps getting weirder every time she posts, so it's cool.  You were just warmly welcomed.



Hehe... and thanks hun for coming and posting and making me feel less like a newbie.


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## SamanthaNY (Oct 26, 2006)

Welcome to Dim, I.G.! There's lots of support to be found here, and much to learn. I hope you'll explore a bit and find some things (and friends!) you can apply to your life. 

Pretty soon we'll be calling you S.G.!


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

SamanthaNY said:


> Welcome to Dim, I.G.! There's lots of support to be found here, and much to learn. I hope you'll explore a bit and find some things (and friends!) you can apply to your life.
> 
> Pretty soon we'll be calling you S.G.!



Thanks! But you've got me wondering what S.G will mean... hehe. :happy:


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## SamanthaNY (Oct 26, 2006)

SecureGirl!  

Or... ShoeGirl, if you're _really _special :bounce:


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

Ooooh I must be special since I didn't even think about SecureGirl :doh: 

But hopefully I will be... I can only hope. But everyone seems really nice so far, so I'm very optimistic.


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## NFA (Oct 26, 2006)

One of the most important things to remember is that even the most self-confident and secure person isn't going to be perfect. They will still have moments of doubt and insecurity. They key is in not beating yourself up over those moments. Not expecting to be perfect. You can accept that you will have moments of low-self-esteem without accepting those moments of low-self-esteem. Learning to be comfortable in your body takes time and its always important to be patient and to understand that there will be bad days. But the goal is worth the time and energy and you WILL be happier and healthier for it. This is part of the process of recovering from disordered eating. You can have a healthy and non-judgemental relationship with food and with your body. Good luck.


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## Vanessa (Oct 26, 2006)

First of all. Here's a big virtual bear hug for you. It's full of warmth and its nice and cosy so I hope you accept it.  

Secondly in regards to clothes I've been very surprised with Evans in the UK right now. I just came out of there with bag of really nice clothes. Very hip. I used to avoid that place like the plague but they seem to be stepping up their act with the styles. 

It's very very difficult to be in your 20's and be big. I survived my 20's by just getting on with it. But I generally loathed the majority of my 20's - so I know where your head is at in terms of feeling you don't fit in. 

I learned that smiling and walking tall worked wonders. But we're all made differently and have different needs so it's up to you (with guidence and support) to find your own way into a certain sense of happiness. It may take a while but you will get there. 

I do feel there are issues you need to discuss with someone more professional and I hope you'll find the strength to do that. But I too am very pleased you found your way to this board. (I'm new here too) and it's a nice community. 

Being thick skinned is unfortunatly part of life - I won't say I don't have moments where I go 'I wish I could look a bit like this that or the other', but those moments are few and fleeting. It takes hard mental work within yourself to overcome the self doubt and the peer pressure - but it can be done! It just takes patience, time and to let go of past emotional brusies. It's also worth reading up on why people act negativly towards people and things they don't understand. Ask yourself: Are they happy? Are they content? Why are they so offended? Mostly, and I'm generlizing, it's because they lack something themselves. 

You cannot please everyone. That's another good one to remember. It works on so many levels.

You've made a huge step by just writing down your thoughts. Keep doing that. Feel proud that you've done that for yourself. And each time you share your thoughts pat yourself on the back!!

And for good measure - here's another cuddle. 

Vanessa x


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 26, 2006)

I guarentee most thin girls so aren't even thinking that. I don't really care what the person next to me looks like.


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## missaf (Oct 26, 2006)

Welcome to the boards. Something to consider here is that many many MANY women are blazing a trail for other fat women to learn to feel secure with themselves, at any size. This is the root of the SA movement. Regardless of what other people think, YOU are a treasured, cherished and wonderful human being who just needs a prop up here and there to learn that in a personal way 

Try and read as much as you can here, and as always, contribute! We love to hear from new posters, it stimulates conversation and new ideas


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## JoyJoy (Oct 26, 2006)

Vanessa said:


> First of all. Here's a big virtual bear hug for you. It's full of warmth and its nice and cosy so I hope you accept it.
> 
> Secondly in regards to clothes I've been very surprised with Evans in the UK right now. I just came out of there with bag of really nice clothes. Very hip. I used to avoid that place like the plague but they seem to be stepping up their act with the styles.
> 
> ...


 Hi!! Welcome to the boards! I completely echo what Vanessa said...you're at a difficult time in your life in regard to self-acceptance and peer pressure, but with all of the periods of self-doubt, you've got to allow yourself times to self-talk your way into feeling good about yourself, even if it's just for a moment or two. Focus on what is great about you and give yourself pats on the back for those things. The more you do that, you'll find the insecure times less and less powerful. 

Also, a good thing to keep in mind is that many times when we feel all eyes in the room are on us, thinking they are judging our appearance, often it's all in our head and the people in the room are too wrapped up in themselves to really be thinking about what we look like. And, like Vanessa said, if people do feel the need to belittle us, it's usually because they're compensating for some shortcoming of their own. This is where being thick-skinned comes into the picture. In the end, you're the only one who can allow other people to have the power to make you feel bad....and the best one to build yourself up the way you need.

I was close to your size when I was in my early 20s, and I also felt badly about my appearance. I spent a lot of time hiding and crying in my tea because I didn't feel good about myself. I wasted a lot of time living in fear and insecurity and as a consequence, I missed out on many opportunities to do some great things with my life. I'm 40 now, and looking back, my greatest regret is that I hid myself away for so long just because I was afraid of what other people would think of me. If you take nothing else from my words, I hope that you will use my experience to your advantage. 

The best advice I can give, though, is to keep talking about it...to yourself and others who can support you and build you up. These forums are a great place for that, and it sounds like you've found a great friend in wagimar, also (Kudos to you, wagimar!). We have many beautiful people from the UK who come here (and to the chatroom) as well, so perhaps you can find someone close to you to spend time with who can also help you in your journey. Good luck! Happy to have you here!


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

NFA said:


> One of the most important things to remember is that even the most self-confident and secure person isn't going to be perfect. They will still have moments of doubt and insecurity. They key is in not beating yourself up over those moments. Not expecting to be perfect. You can accept that you will have moments of low-self-esteem without accepting those moments of low-self-esteem. Learning to be comfortable in your body takes time and its always important to be patient and to understand that there will be bad days. But the goal is worth the time and energy and you WILL be happier and healthier for it. This is part of the process of recovering from disordered eating. You can have a healthy and non-judgemental relationship with food and with your body. Good luck.



Thanks  I wouldn't say I have disordered eating anymore.. the thoughts are still there, but not the actions.. and certainly not my weight. I hope my self esteem will raise and be more confident.. and thank you again.


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

Vanessa said:


> First of all. Here's a big virtual bear hug for you. It's full of warmth and its nice and cosy so I hope you accept it.
> 
> Secondly in regards to clothes I've been very surprised with Evans in the UK right now. I just came out of there with bag of really nice clothes. Very hip. I used to avoid that place like the plague but they seem to be stepping up their act with the styles.
> 
> ...



Thank you! 

*Cuddles back*

And Evans is where I get my clothes. hehe. It has changed in style, but they don't have a large selection (no pun intended) You just have to pick through the stuff there.. evans online is a wonder! Love it.

Sorry you had such a difficult time in your 20's.. *hugs* I hope things are much better for you now.. you seem to be a wonderful person and thank you for taking the time out to write all of that back.

Wow, everyone's so friendly


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## Tad (Oct 26, 2006)

When I first read your message this morning I didn't have time to write a response, and now that I do have time others have said pretty much everything I was going to say, and probably done it better. So I'll just throw in a few small odds and ends that I don't think were covered yet.

- There are others on these boards who have dealt with various eating disorders, perhaps you can talk with some of them about things that helped them get control of these issues.

- It is really important to remember that you can be appreciated for being who you actually are. So much of worrying what others think is really beating ourselves up for not being someone else. You aren't whoever else, you are you, and without doubt you make a pretty darn awesome you. It may be a ways off still on your journey of self-acceptance, but what I always say is to focus on being the best *you* that you can be, without trying to be someone else. It is usually amazing how much easier it is to actually be you, and how fast you can grow and develop. Or to put it another way, a cat will never have much success learning to fly, but when it starts really running there will be little in the world that can catch it. 

- Whether or not you get out of the house, make sure you get some physical activity. It is amazing how that can deal with stress and generally make you feel better. You can be fat and fit--and I can assure you a chubby, active, gal with long blonde hair and big blue eyes will turn LOTS of heads!

- You might want to post on the fashion board about your shopping woes. The pool of knowledge and expertise on there is simply amazing. Dollars to doughnuts (or Pounds to peanuts perhaps?) if you tell them roughly where you are in England, within a couple of days you'll have a number of really useful places to go check out.

- Welcome one more time--I think Dimensions is a pretty special oasis, and I just love it when new people find their way here 

Regards;

-Ed


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> I guarentee most thin girls so aren't even thinking that. I don't really care what the person next to me looks like.



hehe.. I'm glad! But I still can't stop the paranoid thoughts, considering a lot of people out there are very cruel.. thankfully none of them are here!


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

missaf said:


> Welcome to the boards. Something to consider here is that many many MANY women are blazing a trail for other fat women to learn to feel secure with themselves, at any size. This is the root of the SA movement. Regardless of what other people think, YOU are a treasured, cherished and wonderful human being who just needs a prop up here and there to learn that in a personal way
> 
> Try and read as much as you can here, and as always, contribute! We love to hear from new posters, it stimulates conversation and new ideas



Yay, thanks for that. Made me smile.. 

And I definitely will keep reading the board.. and I will contribute, probably so much that you'll all be fed up of seeing me around. haha


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

JoyJoy said:


> Hi!! Welcome to the boards! I completely echo what Vanessa said...you're at a difficult time in your life in regard to self-acceptance and peer pressure, but with all of the periods of self-doubt, you've got to allow yourself times to self-talk your way into feeling good about yourself, even if it's just for a moment or two. Focus on what is great about you and give yourself pats on the back for those things. The more you do that, you'll find the insecure times less and less powerful.
> 
> Also, a good thing to keep in mind is that many times when we feel all eyes in the room are on us, thinking they are judging our appearance, often it's all in our head and the people in the room are too wrapped up in themselves to really be thinking about what we look like. And, like Vanessa said, if people do feel the need to belittle us, it's usually because they're compensating for some shortcoming of their own. This is where being thick-skinned comes into the picture. In the end, you're the only one who can allow other people to have the power to make you feel bad....and the best one to build yourself up the way you need.
> 
> ...



Thanks 

I'm sorry you had it bad too in your 20's... that makes me sad knowing people have felt the same I have. I hope things are much better for you now.

I'd kinda like to find someone close, it'd be nice. And thank you for the warm welcome


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

edx said:


> When I first read your message this morning I didn't have time to write a response, and now that I do have time others have said pretty much everything I was going to say, and probably done it better. So I'll just throw in a few small odds and ends that I don't think were covered yet.
> 
> - There are others on these boards who have dealt with various eating disorders, perhaps you can talk with some of them about things that helped them get control of these issues.
> 
> ...



Thank you for your welcome.. I can never get too many.. it's funny how I was worrying that nobody was going to reply. This seems silly now. haha.

And yeah, I should have put that on the fashion board.. but somehow it ended up incorporated into my rant.. *giggles*

I wish it were true that I turn heads, unfortunately most people seem to go 'Nice face.. but you'd look a lot better if you lost weight.' And you're just like... :huh: thanks for that.. 

Anyway, many thanks again.. this place does seem pretty special already.


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## Jes (Oct 26, 2006)

Wagimawr said:


> Don't worry - Jes starts off weird, but then she keeps getting weirder every time she posts, so it's cool.  You were just warmly welcomed.


oh, i see.
and not a single one of you here wants to see me go, and i know it! I could buy and sell every single one of you!!


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## SexxyBBW69 (Oct 26, 2006)

welcome to Dims.....

& I know how you feel I once was unhappy with how I looked & I realized I am beautiful fat or thin which I have been both. I have gained weight from unhappiness & now I just eat because I am fat & happy & love food. 

You came to the right place there are some wonderful people here who understand & I am sure soon enough you will see for yourself just how beautiful you are..

xoxox


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 26, 2006)

SexxyBBW69 said:


> welcome to Dims.....
> 
> & I know how you feel I once was unhappy with how I looked & I realized I am beautiful fat or thin which I have been both. I have gained weight from unhappiness & now I just eat because I am fat & happy & love food.
> 
> ...



Thank you! 

I'm glad you feel better now and stuff.. and people do seem really nice here. And beautiful.. :blink: well.. lets take one thing at a time.. haha


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## lipmixgirl (Oct 26, 2006)

hey iggie,

i cannot bare to call you "insecuregirl" - therefore i rename you iggie... where to begin? where to begin??? well, first off, i totally get what you are saying about england... the brits were downright awful when it came to size acceptance... i lived in grand old oxford for a time in my early 20's... almost 10 years ago now, (shaking my head... i'm so old), i am sure that things have changed a bit... perhaps not much, but a bit... in fact i was just commenting the other day how i was virtually impressed that evans had some kinda cool clothes online! the clothes were so frumpy back in the day... 

anywho...

a couple of issues to discuss... rock on, wagimawr for bring you out of your shell... if we still had rep, wagi, would be getting it!!!!

getting on the scale? no one should fear a number... the number is a gauge... i recommend getting on the scale... as for your doctor, if the doctor wanted to tell you that they were disgusted with you and that you needed to diet, i have news for you, if your doctor is the ass that you have projected in your mind, i guarentee you that he/she would not need that number to tell you that they were disgusted and you needed to diet... seeing you would have been quite enough... (as i have personally experienced) 

body dismorphia - whilst i have not met you, i am calling you out as dismorphic... it takes one to know one... when i am with my fat dim girls, no matter what size they are, i feel that my size is comparable - even if they weigh 100+ pounds more than i do... when i see pictures, then i can see a difference, but when i am with them, i cannot... when i am amongst average sized society, and i am conscious of my size, then in my mind there is no question that i am the largest person around - even if it may not be true... 

agoraphobia... not cool... like my dear friend, the obstreperous ms. j. says, life is a dance- you are either dancing or watching... and with agoraphobic behavior - you aren't even watching... you are 20 - don't let life pass you by... if you are not seeking professional help for your dis-eased relationship with the outside world, i highly recommend it - even if you feel that you are "ok".... 

ana? mia? emotional eating? if you are not seeking professional help for your dis-eased relationship with food, i highly recommend it - even if you feel that you are "ok".... taking action to improve your mental health now will improve your physical health as well.... 


consumption of thin... you appear to be consumed with what everyone else is thinking... you are projecting what everyone else is thinking... you are "reading minds" ... such behavior is downright unhealthy... the only person you should be thinking about is you - period.

i must suggest to you that the fat is not the problem, but a byproduct of the problem... even if you were to wake up tomorrow and magically had a thin body, your life and problems would still be your life and problems... thinness is not a cureall for the ills of life... if that were the case all thin/average sized people would be amazingly happy... which we know is not the case at all... the only difference by being thin is that people are just generally nicer in surface social situations.... 

no one can make you happy but you... to become happy you must be honest with yourself... if you want to make a change in your life - you are the only person who can do it - no one else... not parents, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, or even a spouse... 

when you get to the root of the problem, i'd be willing to bet large sums of money that fat is the symptom - not the cause... 

the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:

p.s. if you are interested in getting some cool clothes, do check out the fashion thread and if you see something from torrid.com or any other american clothier and want it shipped to you, i am happy to work out a deal...


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 26, 2006)

Just chimming in with another Welcome. I can't add anything else to what Vanessa, JoyJoy, NFA, edx and others have already said. Just wanted you to know that this place is a wonderful place to find support, new friends and fun. Hope you keep posting and find advice that you feel you can follow.


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## Tina (Oct 26, 2006)

LoveBHMS said:


> Secondly, and i hope others will take this in the spirit which it is offered, not everyone was intended to be heavy, and not everyone can take on the "fat and happy" attitude. Some can [and thank heavens for that, since I find fat guys really sexy] but some can't.



I have a problem with this kind of a post on Dimensions, of all places. Now, I get that you wrote it in the spirit of helping, or whatever, but I would almost _always_ recommend self-love and building a positive self-perception before telling a person (a person who has hardly had a chance to do some of the healing that can be found here, and a person you don't know at all) they might not be meant to be fat. This, to me, seems harmful in the sense that the rest of the world can tell her that; she should get something different from this place, and I'm glad to see that she has.

Building a positive self-perception at any size is the most important first step, because it will always serve you, no matter what you weigh, InsecureGirl. In my mind, it is the most important work you can ever do for, and on, yourself. Have you read Cindy's What is your SA (size acceptance) history? thread? If not, it is the best place you can start here. There are many, many stories of heartache and ultimately, strength, to be found there -- starting with the original post. This is a jouney that is lifelong and positive. It is something you can decide to change about yourself -- to feel positively about your body, no matter what society dictates, and no matter how much advertisers and weight-loss and beauty corporations want to make money off of your (and all womens') body insecurity. This is the story of my journey within the thread. The changes I have made will serve me no matter what size I am, just like a positive change in self-perception will serve you.

Now, I'm not saying that it's not a good thing to exercise and eat healthfully, because it certainly is. If food is our fuel and we give our bodies nothing but crap, it won't run right, body or mind. And if you don't get much movement in, muscles start to shrink and that's not good either. Eating well, getting a little bit of sun, and moving your body will all work to the good, and help to clear the mental cobwebs out, and give a more fresh perspective than staying inside all of the time, that's for sure. If you find you would benefit from these things, for your physical and mental health, I suggest small, consistent changes in that area.

Most of all, again, I recommend you read the accounts of the people here who have changed our mental mindset when it comes to our self-perception. Doesn't mean one is 'cured,' because surely I am an eating-disordered sugar addict and I will always be one. I have these old, destructive mindsets, formed in my youth, about my self-worth as applies to my body. They will come back to me when I am vulnerable, if I don't chase them away. 

They don't call it "self-work" for nothing, but it is the most worthwhile thing you can do for yourself. Welcome.


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## Tad (Oct 26, 2006)

InsecureGirl said:


> I wish it were true that I turn heads, unfortunately most people seem to go 'Nice face.. but you'd look a lot better if you lost weight.' And you're just like... :huh: thanks for that..



I've tried writing long replies, but I can't seem to put into words the feeling in my head. So I'll keep it short instead: trust me, you are attractive, and can turn at least some heads. The thing is, you have to project that attitude. If you are going around feeling like you are not attractive, or that everyone is judging you harshly, that comes out in your body language. When you can go out, projecting "I look good and I know it," then trust me there will be plenty of people out there agreeing with you.

-Ed


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## GPL (Oct 26, 2006)

Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Hope you really enjoy this place! I'm sure we dim-people love you:kiss2: 

Tight hugs, GPL.


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## saucywench (Oct 26, 2006)

Tina said:


> I have a problem with this kind of a post on Dimensions, of all places. Now, I get that you wrote it in the spirit of helping, or whatever, but I would almost _always_ recommend self-love and building a positive self-perception before telling a person (a person who has hardly had a chance to do some of the healing that can be found here, and a person you don't know at all) they might not be meant to be fat. This, to me, seems harmful in the sense that the rest of the world can tell her that; she should get something different from this place, and I'm glad to see that she has.
> 
> Building a positive self-perception at any size is the most important first step, because it will always serve you, no matter what you weigh, InsecureGirl. In my mind, it is the most important work you can ever do for, and on, yourself. Have you read Cindy's What is your SA (size acceptance) history? thread? If not, it is the best place you can start here. There are many, many stories of heartache and ultimately, strength, to be found there -- starting with the original post. This is a jouney that is lifelong and positive. It is something you can decide to change about yourself -- to feel positively about your body, no matter what society dictates, and no matter how much advertisers and weight-loss and beauty corporations want to make money off of your (and all womens') body insecurity. This is the story of my journey within the thread. The changes I have made will serve me no matter what size I am, just like a positive change in self-perception will serve you.
> 
> ...


Thank you, Tina. You answered that far better than I could have. I'm still feeling a bit knee-jerky even now, over 12 hours after first reading that response. 


Tina said:


> I have these old, destructive mindsets, formed in my youth, about my self-worth as applies to my body. They will come back to me when I am vulnerable, if I don't chase them away.


Boy! Isn't that the truth! 

Part of the reason I added the poll to my thread/sticky was because I feel that, although the end result of becoming fat is more or less the same (that we are fat, d'oh), those of use who grew up fat have different developmental issues than those who didn't start becoming fat until later years. And because our negative tapes run longer, they are harder to erase, no matter how educated or insightful we are. I'm dealing with one of those core issues right now and, no matter how much I know about cognitive behavior (Jes ), my reflexive response puts me right back to the emotional state of a 4-year-old girl. I know what I'm feeling is irrational, but the fact that I feel it at all, much less have to work my way out of it, annoys me.


Tina said:


> They don't call it "self-work" for nothing, but it is the most worthwhile thing you can do for yourself.


So true.

Oh, and, welcome to Dimensions, IG. This place will change your life if you let it.


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## Tina (Oct 27, 2006)

Cindy, the first step is awareness. The fact that you are aware that you are doing it comes first. Then catching yourself after you've done it is next. After that, you will begin to catch yourself right before. Sometimes you will be able to stop yourself, and sometimes you won't, but if you remain on top of it, the number of times you will be able to stop it will far outweigh the times you won't. 'Tis true, dear. 

You are so right about developmental issues and how they differ if one has grown up fat or not. Worlds apart, the two are. Congrats on starting what I find to be the most inspirational thread on all of the boards.  Thank you.


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## Fuzzy (Oct 27, 2006)

Welcome Aboard!  Rough seas are to be expected. Mind the saltly passengers. 

You'll need this fish in your ear.


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 27, 2006)

Wow, I just woke up and have seen all these responses :shocked: 

So, I'm going to try to reply the best way I can for 8:30 am!

lipmixgirl: Firstly, thank you for taking the time to reply to me. 



> getting on the scale? no one should fear a number... the number is a gauge... i recommend getting on the scale... as for your doctor, if the doctor wanted to tell you that they were disgusted with you and that you needed to diet, i have news for you, if your doctor is the ass that you have projected in your mind, i guarentee you that he/she would not need that number to tell you that they were disgusted and you needed to diet... seeing you would have been quite enough... (as i have personally experienced)



Sounds simple doesn't it? I don't know why I have this irrational fear of being weighed.. I know how stupid it is, I should just grit my teeth and think to myself that it's just a number.. it's hard to explain.. I just have this fear of it, maybe I'm too scared to face up to the fact that the number isn't going to be as low anymore.. and as for my doctor, well I'm sure they can see I'm plumper than I should be for my age/height.. I hate those stupid charts! I don't know if anyone else feels the same, but they are made to make you feel inadequate if you don't fit within their stupid guidelines.. and I swear those things haven't been updated for years.. the average woman has gone up in size, as has the average man. I refused to step on the scale when they asked me, which in essence probably looked extremely weird considering everyone else does it without question.. but I just couldn't.. I had already predicted what they were going to say in my head and none of it was good.. I probably wouldn't have even gotten a response.. but it was the possibility that they could be mean to me about it that made me go 'Nope, not getting on that thing..'



> body dismorphia - whilst i have not met you, i am calling you out as dismorphic... it takes one to know one... when i am with my fat dim girls, no matter what size they are, i feel that my size is comparable - even if they weigh 100+ pounds more than i do... when i see pictures, then i can see a difference, but when i am with them, i cannot... when i am amongst average sized society, and i am conscious of my size, then in my mind there is no question that i am the largest person around - even if it may not be true...



You know, I often wondered this myself.. if I was suffering from something that makes me see something totally different.. but again.. I have the whole issue of saying to my doctor about it because I am fatter than most girls my age.



> agoraphobia... not cool... like my dear friend, the obstreperous ms. j. says, life is a dance- you are either dancing or watching... and with agoraphobic behavior - you aren't even watching... you are 20 - don't let life pass you by... if you are not seeking professional help for your dis-eased relationship with the outside world, i highly recommend it - even if you feel that you are "ok"....



Had lots of help with this.. none of it successful though, cognitive behavioural therapy among the things tried on myself.. now whenever I've asked about any further help they say 'counselling' - which I think is no good to me, I can talk about my problems until the cows come home.. but they're not going to sort themselves out by telling people about them. Stupid British Doctors *Shakes a fist at them*



> ana? mia? emotional eating? if you are not seeking professional help for your dis-eased relationship with food, i highly recommend it - even if you feel that you are "ok".... taking action to improve your mental health now will improve your physical health as well....



Really don't think there is anything wrong here, since I'm not underweight.. I'm overweight... so they won't even acknowledge that something might be wrong with my head about it.. since in body I don't have show anything that they'd associate with it. 



> p.s. if you are interested in getting some cool clothes, do check out the fashion thread and if you see something from torrid.com or any other american clothier and want it shipped to you, i am happy to work out a deal...



I checked out torrid.com and wow there are some really nice things there! I'd have to find out what the size differences were and stuff and how expensive it'd be.. I couldn't help but wondering if the boots were a wider fit around the calf too, they look it.. but you can never be too sure with these things. But they do have some really nice stuff.. so thank you for bringing it to my attention. And thank you for saying you'd be happy to work out a deal if I wanted anything shipped over, that means a lot!  Everyone's so nice here.

Tina: Thank you for posting a response 


> Building a positive self-perception at any size is the most important first step, because it will always serve you, no matter what you weigh, InsecureGirl. In my mind, it is the most important work you can ever do for, and on, yourself. Have you read Cindy's What is your SA (size acceptance) history? thread? If not, it is the best place you can start here. There are many, many stories of heartache and ultimately, strength, to be found there -- starting with the original post. This is a jouney that is lifelong and positive. It is something you can decide to change about yourself -- to feel positively about your body, no matter what society dictates, and no matter how much advertisers and weight-loss and beauty corporations want to make money off of your (and all womens') body insecurity. This is the story of my journey within the thread. The changes I have made will serve me no matter what size I am, just like a positive change in self-perception will serve you.



I will definitely have to give that thread a read! I'm still wading through a lot of the stuff on here and it will take me some time, but I think I will definitely look at that next.

edx: Thanks again for your response 



> I've tried writing long replies, but I can't seem to put into words the feeling in my head. So I'll keep it short instead: trust me, you are attractive, and can turn at least some heads. The thing is, you have to project that attitude. If you are going around feeling like you are not attractive, or that everyone is judging you harshly, that comes out in your body language. When you can go out, projecting "I look good and I know it," then trust me there will be plenty of people out there agreeing with you.



You are so right, I need to be more confident within my body and instead of looking insecure about my size I should be proud and then others will see my confidence and attractiveness will follow.. let's hope that dimensions can give me that support I need to go 'You know, I might not be a size 8 (that's thin for UK sizes) but damn it, I look good!' 

GPL: Thanks for leaving a message here.. 



> Welcome, welcome, welcome!
> Hope you really enjoy this place! I'm sure we dim-people love you
> 
> Tight hugs, GPL.



*Hugs back* Thanks! I think the people make it a nice place to be  

saucywench: 



> Oh, and, welcome to Dimensions, IG. This place will change your life if you let it.



Thanks! I definitely hope so!

Fuzzy: Thank you for your warm welcome!


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 27, 2006)

Tina said:


> I have a problem with this kind of a post on Dimensions, of all places. Now, I get that you wrote it in the spirit of helping, or whatever, but I would almost _always_ recommend self-love and building a positive self-perception before telling a person (a person who has hardly had a chance to do some of the healing that can be found here, and a person you don't know at all) they might not be meant to be fat.



I understood this might not be well received, and I was back and forth about whether or not I should go ahead and write it, but let me explain why I did. In many women's journeys towards self acceptance [about size or anything else] I've found we can beat ourselves up over not only a facet of our appearance we don't like, but also over our inability to accept something with which we're not happy. Women's magazines [at least in the US and I assume elsewhere] often feature stories of women who struggle with the notion that they should accept something they don't like or that they aren't good enough feminists if they want a nose job or breast reduction [or augmentation] or even to color their hair. Sometimes those conflicts are just as difficult as conflicts over appearance, i.e. "I'm supposed to be self confident and love myself whatever I look like." And if you just can't gain that "walk tall and proud" attitude and really really know you'd look and feel better without grey hair or with a nose job, you should do what you can not only to look better but to give yourself the freedom to do so. There was a thread on the WLS board where somebody asked almost timidly if it was ok to post about weight loss, as if she were nervous she'd somehow betray the SA cause if she gave in to a desire to lose weight.

I just felt with what this young lady was going through, she should think about the option of not "forcing" herself towards self acceptance if she truly prefers or feels happy at a smaller size. It not always "if you just try hard enough, you can like being big." She might not want to be big, she might feel physically uncomfortable or have other isssues. We just don't know, and clearly none of us is as useful as a therapist or ED professional in this regard.


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## RedHotAva (Oct 27, 2006)

Welcome to dims, pretty girl! I can completely sympathize with you, and I assure you that becoming a member of this community is going to do you wonders! I am 19, about 5'9 and 285, and I used to absolutely hate everything about my body! After modeling and learning about this whole world of folks who love fat people, I finally remembered how to be okay with myself. It's still a one-day-at-a-time thing, but you will come to accept and eventually love your body just the way it is! Message me if you wanna chat! I'd be happy to talk about shopping or just whatever


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## NFA (Oct 27, 2006)

LoveBHMS said:


> I understood this might not be well received, and I was back and forth about whether or not I should go ahead and write it, but let me explain why I did. In many women's journeys towards self acceptance [about size or anything else] I've found we can beat ourselves up over not only a facet of our appearance we don't like, but also over our inability to accept something with which we're not happy. Women's magazines [at least in the US and I assume elsewhere] often feature stories of women who struggle with the notion that they should accept something they don't like or that they aren't good enough feminists if they want a nose job or breast reduction [or augmentation] or even to color their hair. Sometimes those conflicts are just as difficult as conflicts over appearance, i.e. "I'm supposed to be self confident and love myself whatever I look like." And if you just can't gain that "walk tall and proud" attitude and really really know you'd look and feel better without grey hair or with a nose job, you should do what you can not only to look better but to give yourself the freedom to do so. There was a thread on the WLS board where somebody asked almost timidly if it was ok to post about weight loss, as if she were nervous she'd somehow betray the SA cause if she gave in to a desire to lose weight.
> 
> I just felt with what this young lady was going through, she should think about the option of not "forcing" herself towards self acceptance if she truly prefers or feels happy at a smaller size. It not always "if you just try hard enough, you can like being big." She might not want to be big, she might feel physically uncomfortable or have other isssues. We just don't know, and clearly none of us is as useful as a therapist or ED professional in this regard.



I'm not sure any ED professionals would be telling someone who has struggled with anorexia and bullemia that they should think about losing weight. I don't think you've given the original poster enough credit here. She came to THIS site. A size acceptance message is what she is seeking. It is something this website can provide and shouldn't be shamed into denying her or anyone else. Frankly, I was horrified that you responded to her message and her story of struggling with ED with a suggestion that she just lose weight. She's clearly an intelligent woman. She knows full well where she can get that message. Pretty much everywhere else. SHE came to THIS site. I hardly think its anyone's place to second guess her and tell her to look elsewhere. Let other sites discourage size acceptance. There ought to be at least one where people can say something different. We shouldn't have to fall all over ourselves apologizing to choosing a different path.


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 27, 2006)

> Welcome to dims, pretty girl! I can completely sympathize with you, and I assure you that becoming a member of this community is going to do you wonders! I am 19, about 5'9 and 285, and I used to absolutely hate everything about my body! After modeling and learning about this whole world of folks who love fat people, I finally remembered how to be okay with myself. It's still a one-day-at-a-time thing, but you will come to accept and eventually love your body just the way it is! Message me if you wanna chat! I'd be happy to talk about shopping or just whatever



Thanks!


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 27, 2006)

NFA said:


> I'm not sure any ED professionals would be telling someone who has struggled with anorexia and bullemia that they should think about losing weight. I don't think you've given the original poster enough credit here. She came to THIS site. A size acceptance message is what she is seeking. It is something this website can provide and shouldn't be shamed into denying her or anyone else. Frankly, I was horrified that you responded to her message and her story of struggling with ED with a suggestion that she just lose weight. She's clearly an intelligent woman. She knows full well where she can get that message. Pretty much everywhere else. SHE came to THIS site. I hardly think its anyone's place to second guess her and tell her to look elsewhere. Let other sites discourage size acceptance. There ought to be at least one where people can say something different. We shouldn't have to fall all over ourselves apologizing to choosing a different path.



Thank you for calling me an intelligent woman... :wubu: *giggles* I don't know if that's true or not though  and yes, I did come here to finally be accepted regardless of my weight and for me to become more comfortable within myself. I'm fat and that's that...  I just wanted to be amongst people who I feel comfortable with talking about all these issues I have revolving my fat.. okay that came out worse than I intended :doh: , but I think you get the idea.. we live in a society where largely it is wrong to be fat, they say it's unhealthy, you're lazy etc etc etc.. I just want to be able to say fuck whatever they say, I have good people on the dimensions board that like me for who I am and that they are completely happy within themselves regardless of any put-downs that the media/people can sling their way.. and I want to be as strong as that. :bow: 

If that made no sense please tell me and in future I'll do an initial draft of what I want to say, otherwise they tend to lean to me going off in the wrong direction or a ramble/rant.. :blush:


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## Emma (Oct 27, 2006)

I'm from the UK and I NEVER go out alone. I'm also in my 20's. If you ever wanna chat PM me.


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 27, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> I'm from the UK and I NEVER go out alone. I'm also in my 20's. If you ever wanna chat PM me.



Oh wow, thanks.. nice to meet someone similar to myself... I used to be like you and only go out if I was with someone.. unfortunately it's gotten beyond that point now. But it's really good to meet someone else similar, especially in the UK.  

Same to you, if you ever want to chat PM me or IM me


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## CuteyChubb (Oct 27, 2006)

Hi there,

I haven't had a chance to read this whole thread yet because I'm extra busy at work now but I just want to take a minute to say, welcome aboard. I get soooo excited to read a post like yours. I am still fairly new to accepting myself, it began this past July. However, I already feel like it's been a long time. There are days when that stinky negative crap trys to creep back in but those days are becoming fewer and fewer. Hooooray for you, dear. Glad you are here!!!


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 27, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> Hi there,
> 
> I haven't had a chance to read this whole thread yet because I'm extra busy at work now but I just want to take a minute to say, welcome aboard. I get soooo excited to read a post like yours. I am still fairly new to accepting myself, it began this past July. However, I already feel like it's been a long time. There are days when that stinky negative crap trys to creep back in but those days are becoming fewer and fewer. Hooooray for you, dear. Glad you are here!!!



Thanks for saying hey! And I'm glad you're accepting yourself.. maybe I'll be like you soon! Yay! And thanks again


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 27, 2006)

NFA said:


> I'm not sure any ED professionals would be telling someone who has struggled with anorexia and bullemia that they should think about losing weight. I don't think you've given the original poster enough credit here. She came to THIS site. A size acceptance message is what she is seeking. It is something this website can provide and shouldn't be shamed into denying her or anyone else. Frankly, I was horrified that you responded to her message and her story of struggling with ED with a suggestion that she just lose weight. She's clearly an intelligent woman. She knows full well where she can get that message. Pretty much everywhere else. SHE came to THIS site. I hardly think its anyone's place to second guess her and tell her to look elsewhere. Let other sites discourage size acceptance. There ought to be at least one where people can say something different. We shouldn't have to fall all over ourselves apologizing to choosing a different path.



I didn't tell her to lose weight. What i said [and having been ED myself] was that she shouldn't put too much pressure on herself to adapt a certain mindset. She clearly said she was reading pro-ana sites hoping to get some inspiration, and so I assumed [maybe wrongfully so] that she wasn't sure about how she wanted her body to look. Really what i meant was she could honor her desire to look a certain way without feeling that that choice meant she wasn't being self accepting or truly joining the size accetance movement. I was ED'd since age 12 [and still have pieces of it that come up when I don't expect it] so I understand what she's going through. I tried to say that she can work towards size acceptance while also making a conscious choice about how she wants her body to look. There is no black and white here about how you should look and how you should feel about it.


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## KnottyOne (Oct 27, 2006)

Hey, welcome to the forum. Hope this place helps you find yourself. And hey, I've found that just about everyone on this forum are very nice people, I'm sure that they will help you in anyway that you need. But hey, your body is a shell, look at it like that, who's inside, that's whats important. Me, used to be anorexic, and disabled, I hate my body, but I remember that it's just a shell for who I really am, I've been able to accept things better now. I know that is kinda sappy and people do say it alot, but it's true. Even with broken wings you can still fly, nothing can ever hold your spirit down if you let it fly. Peace, Love and Happiness -eric


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 27, 2006)

KnottyOne said:


> Hey, welcome to the forum. Hope this place helps you find yourself. And hey, I've found that just about everyone on this forum are very nice people, I'm sure that they will help you in anyway that you need. But hey, your body is a shell, look at it like that, who's inside, that's whats important. Me, used to be anorexic, and disabled, I hate my body, but I remember that it's just a shell for who I really am, I've been able to accept things better now. I know that is kinda sappy and people do say it alot, but it's true. Even with broken wings you can still fly, nothing can ever hold your spirit down if you let it fly. Peace, Love and Happiness -eric



Awww thanks hun... and that's beautiful... I'm sorry you had problems in your past, if you ever wish to talk about them PM me or IM me. All the best and thanks for welcoming me


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 27, 2006)

I think it was more an expression of sympathy. For me, anorexia nervosa is less about fitting societal ideals and more about obsessive compulsive behavior and a need to be "perfect." Rather, I think what LoveBHMS was saying was that IG doesn't have to fit into ANYONE's ideal of perfection. I think.



NFA said:


> I'm not sure any ED professionals would be telling someone who has struggled with anorexia and bullemia that they should think about losing weight. I don't think you've given the original poster enough credit here. She came to THIS site. A size acceptance message is what she is seeking. It is something this website can provide and shouldn't be shamed into denying her or anyone else. Frankly, I was horrified that you responded to her message and her story of struggling with ED with a suggestion that she just lose weight. She's clearly an intelligent woman. She knows full well where she can get that message. Pretty much everywhere else. SHE came to THIS site. I hardly think its anyone's place to second guess her and tell her to look elsewhere. Let other sites discourage size acceptance. There ought to be at least one where people can say something different. We shouldn't have to fall all over ourselves apologizing to choosing a different path.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 27, 2006)

Thank you, ever wise TSL. That is precisely what I was trying to say.


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## randomalex (Oct 27, 2006)

hi and welcome!

im also 20 and from the UK! male tho lol. what part you from?

it also took me a while to post on this board i was browsing for couple of months before signing up!

hope u like it here the people are very friendly and understanding!

and dont mind jes lol!


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## NFA (Oct 27, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> I think it was more an expression of sympathy. For me, anorexia nervosa is less about fitting societal ideals and more about obsessive compulsive behavior and a need to be "perfect." Rather, I think what LoveBHMS was saying was that IG doesn't have to fit into ANYONE's ideal of perfection. I think.



Perfect as defined by societal ideals. Anorexia and our cultural pre-occupation with thinness are intertwined. Divorcing anorexia from its clear and intended purpose isn't fair. My girlfriend struggled with anorexia when she was young and an ex-girlfriend of mine developed it while I was with her. I know what it is. While the causes may have more to do with obsessive compulsive behaviors, the goal is what it is. And going out of one's way to validate that goal and tell someone that maybe they can't happy unless they are thin doesn't seem remotely productive. I know how it affects my girlfriend even years after she struggled with ED to have her weight questioned. The distinction between telling someone they have to lose weight and urging them to consider losing weight seems quite meaningless in this scenario. And I'm not going to be shamed or bullied into apologizing for disagreeing with the status quo just because some people struggle with acceptance. No one expects perfect acceptance. The first thing I said in this thread was that one shouldn't expect to be perfectly accepting. LoveBHMs point, as stated, was that it was wrong to even suggest acceptance without also suggesting the contrary. This makes no sense. All that ensures is that EVERYONE is advocating against acceptance. The status quo never requires this kind of assistance. Size Acceptance isn't about creating different physical ideals. Its about learning to accept and love the body you have. Not the body you or anyone else thinks you should have. Its always a challenge and a struggle. There will be good days and bad days. But the fact that there are bad days isn't a reason to give up trying for the good days. You can accept that you will have moments of self-negativity without accepting those moments of self-negativity. You never expect to be perfectly accepting, but you can always keep trying. If you don't even try, you'll never achieve anything.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 27, 2006)

Sorry, but you'd have to actually have had an ED to understand this. What you're saying is more or less anyone that wants to lose weight must have some sort of eating disorder, and this isn't fair. Not to mention, extreme thin-ness is a sympton of anorexia, it's not the goal. A woman whose ribs are sticking out and who faints easily and whose clothes don't fit knows she's thin, continuing to starve herself is not a matter of wanting to be thinner. And it's not "society's" ideal. Anyone who has had anorexia learns pretty quickly that the accolades last for a while but at some point move into "are you eating?" and "oh my god...your spine is sticking out" or "I don't even know how you can walk a flight of stairs at that size." When your hair is falling out and you're cold all the time because your body has shut down to preserve itself, you don't wake up in the morning worrying about social ideals.

What I said was that having a desire to lose weight doesn't make you any less of a SA purist. You can accept and like yourself at any size, but still believe that you would prefer to have a smaller body. It isn't some kind of victory to practice a "junk science" approch to acceptence, saying "I have to come out of this being fat and loving myself fat." What I meant was that nobody needs the added stress of believing 1. "I should look a certain way and 2. I should feel a certain way about it.

I never suggested she lose weight. What I suggested was that if it was something she truly wanted, she shouldn't ignore that choice and she shouldn't feel pressured to adopt a particular mindset because others have told her it's the path to happiness.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 27, 2006)

As thin as I've been/would like to be has little to do with societal ideals. When you look at the diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa, the person gets so thin they're beyond being a "sex object," even for people who prefer thin partners. 

Walking the line between "in recovery" and "recovered" is hard. Obviously, losing weight does someone who's anorectic no good. I feel fatter at 114 than I do at 158. If I lost 20 more lbs., I'd feel the same way. I honestly don't think she was suggesting that. I also despise things that come in tens or numbers divisible by ten.

I've grown up in a subculture in America where fat's more accepted. (Stores don't even carry the size I wear here. That alone says volumes I think.) People who are truly eating disordered do not need encouragement to do what they do. They just do it. 



NFA said:


> Perfect as defined by societal ideals. Anorexia and our cultural pre-occupation with thinness are intertwined. Divorcing anorexia from its clear and intended purpose isn't fair. My girlfriend struggled with anorexia when she was young and an ex-girlfriend of mine developed it while I was with her. I know what it is. While the causes may have more to do with obsessive compulsive behaviors, the goal is what it is. And going out of one's way to validate that goal and tell someone that maybe they can't happy unless they are thin doesn't seem remotely productive. I know how it affects my girlfriend even years after she struggled with ED to have her weight questioned. The distinction between telling someone they have to lose weight and urging them to consider losing weight seems quite meaningless in this scenario. And I'm not going to be shamed or bullied into apologizing for disagreeing with the status quo just because some people struggle with acceptance. No one expects perfect acceptance. The first thing I said in this thread was that one shouldn't expect to be perfectly accepting. LoveBHMs point, as stated, was that it was wrong to even suggest acceptance without also suggesting the contrary. This makes no sense. All that ensures is that EVERYONE is advocating against acceptance. The status quo never requires this kind of assistance. Size Acceptance isn't about creating different physical ideals. Its about learning to accept and love the body you have. Not the body you or anyone else thinks you should have. Its always a challenge and a struggle. There will be good days and bad days. But the fact that there are bad days isn't a reason to give up trying for the good days. You can accept that you will have moments of self-negativity without accepting those moments of self-negativity. You never expect to be perfectly accepting, but you can always keep trying. If you don't even try, you'll never achieve anything.


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## CuteyChubb (Oct 27, 2006)

I really don't know how productive this debate about ED is in this thread.

The gal wants acceptance and that is all. Please try and remember how it feels to be new at this. 

Thanks.


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 27, 2006)

I didn't mean to start a debate over this :doh: 

I made this as my 'Hello I'm here' kinda thread, just giving an introduction into who I am and what brings me here.. I had no idea it would turn into a debate.. honest! :batting: 

It's good to know that you all have strong opinions though and everyone who has posted here is extremely intelligent with their views, but then looking around intelligence is all over the boards! I just hope I can keep up.. hehe. Also extremely good to know that people are familiar with ED's here whether they have suffered themselves with one or have known someone close with one. But that stage in my life has passed I think.. or at least that's what I keep telling myself.


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## CuteyChubb (Oct 27, 2006)

InsecureGirl said:


> I didn't mean to start a debate over this :doh:
> 
> I made this as my 'Hello I'm here' kinda thread, just giving an introduction into who I am and what brings me here.. I had no idea it would turn into a debate.. honest! :batting:
> 
> It's good to know that you all have strong opinions though and everyone who has posted here is extremely intelligent with their views, but then looking around intelligence is all over the boards! I just hope I can keep up.. hehe. Also extremely good to know that people are familiar with ED's here whether they have suffered themselves with one or have known someone close with one. But that stage in my life has passed I think.. or at least that's what I keep telling myself.



Don't worry about it. Sometimes we get carried away and lose focus on the topic of the thread. I'm guilty of that as well. Just know you will find a place here in which you are free to be. Just be.

Rhonda


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## Jes (Oct 27, 2006)

randomalex said:


> and dont mind jes lol!


yeah, and you don't mind my foot in your ass, mister!


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 27, 2006)

Debate's good! I like NFA and I assume everyone's wild about me. 



InsecureGirl said:


> I didn't mean to start a debate over this :doh:
> 
> I made this as my 'Hello I'm here' kinda thread, just giving an introduction into who I am and what brings me here.. I had no idea it would turn into a debate.. honest! :batting:
> 
> It's good to know that you all have strong opinions though and everyone who has posted here is extremely intelligent with their views, but then looking around intelligence is all over the boards! I just hope I can keep up.. hehe. Also extremely good to know that people are familiar with ED's here whether they have suffered themselves with one or have known someone close with one. But that stage in my life has passed I think.. or at least that's what I keep telling myself.


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## William (Oct 27, 2006)

Hi LoveBMS

I think that there is much more to SA than just accepting oneself, many of the most accepting people that I have found in SA are not that accepting of themselves, but stand by others. 

Some people choose not to called themselves beautiful or handsome, but they are accepting of themselves. Many people in SA do not "walk tall and proud", but they still participate.

but thanks for giving your honest opinion which is not always easy to do in communities like Fat/Size Acceptance.

William






LoveBHMS said:


> I understood this might not be well received, and I was back and forth about whether or not I should go ahead and write it, but let me explain why I did. In many women's journeys towards self acceptance [about size or anything else] I've found we can beat ourselves up over not only a facet of our appearance we don't like, but also over our inability to accept something with which we're not happy. Women's magazines [at least in the US and I assume elsewhere] often feature stories of women who struggle with the notion that they should accept something they don't like or that they aren't good enough feminists if they want a nose job or breast reduction [or augmentation] or even to color their hair. Sometimes those conflicts are just as difficult as conflicts over appearance, i.e. "I'm supposed to be self confident and love myself whatever I look like." And if you just can't gain that "walk tall and proud" attitude and really really know you'd look and feel better without grey hair or with a nose job, you should do what you can not only to look better but to give yourself the freedom to do so. There was a thread on the WLS board where somebody asked almost timidly if it was ok to post about weight loss, as if she were nervous she'd somehow betray the SA cause if she gave in to a desire to lose weight.
> 
> I just felt with what this young lady was going through, she should think about the option of not "forcing" herself towards self acceptance if she truly prefers or feels happy at a smaller size. It not always "if you just try hard enough, you can like being big." She might not want to be big, she might feel physically uncomfortable or have other isssues. We just don't know, and clearly none of us is as useful as a therapist or ED professional in this regard.


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## EtobicokeFA (Oct 27, 2006)

Welcome, I hope you enjoy yourself!


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## lemmink (Oct 28, 2006)

Did you try Camden Market? Nice-ass clothes there. Also, if you with your GREAT BIG POUNDS want to write to Australian dress-making/clothing-designing places, you can get things hella cheap and made for your size. Ebay is also fun. And if you meet UK girls here, y'could always trade clothes. (I know that 90% of my wardrobe is clothes my friends have either grown out of or lost too much weight to wear.)

My partner has social anxiety disorder (so unlike you, he'll leave the house, but first he has to make sure there's no one out there, and check from the window that there's no one coming) and we've been told that cognitive behaviour therapy in groups will help - I forget what it's called, behavioural group therapy or some such combination of psychological buzzwords. I don't know if that'll be helpful... but i hope it is! I wish you the best of luck!


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 30, 2006)

EtobicokeFA said:


> Welcome, I hope you enjoy yourself!



Thanks!


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 30, 2006)

lemmink said:


> Did you try Camden Market? Nice-ass clothes there. Also, if you with your GREAT BIG POUNDS want to write to Australian dress-making/clothing-designing places, you can get things hella cheap and made for your size. Ebay is also fun. And if you meet UK girls here, y'could always trade clothes. (I know that 90% of my wardrobe is clothes my friends have either grown out of or lost too much weight to wear.)
> 
> My partner has social anxiety disorder (so unlike you, he'll leave the house, but first he has to make sure there's no one out there, and check from the window that there's no one coming) and we've been told that cognitive behaviour therapy in groups will help - I forget what it's called, behavioural group therapy or some such combination of psychological buzzwords. I don't know if that'll be helpful... but i hope it is! I wish you the best of luck!



I don't live near Camden Market unfortunately.. and I've never thought about trying to get clothes from Australia. I've tried Ebay before and I've gotten a skirt there.. 

I'm sorry your partner suffers from social anxiety disorder.. let's hope cognitive behavioural therapy will help him.. I tried that and it didn't work for me, but I have my fingers crossed for you partner!

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me


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## lemmink (Oct 30, 2006)

I love lookin' round for clothes, what style are you into?


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## InsecureGirl (Oct 30, 2006)

lemmink said:


> I love lookin' round for clothes, what style are you into?



I guess I'm kinda 'gothic' with my likes... I love black and red.. my fav colours. I don't like things that are too revealing, I tend to go for the smart look. I also love long skirts.. I won't do anything above my ankle.. I would if I could find some nice boots to fit around my massive calves though. Long sleeves too.. 

Oh wow.. no wonder I don't find anything, reading that back through I realise how picky I am!


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## Tad (Oct 30, 2006)

InsecureGirl said:


> .. I won't do anything above my ankle.. I would if I could find some nice boots to fit around my massive calves though.



I vaguely recall there being a thread on the fashion board about boots for larger calves. You might want to go digging--imagine the fashion flexibility a good pair of boots would give you 

-Ed


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## lemmink (Oct 31, 2006)

Oh... you like goth clothes and you're so close to Camden! I'm pretty sure a lot of shops there do mail order though, if you look up Camden shops online. They have the best clothes there ever - I always shop there when I'm in London. There's also gothic.co.uk which I think has people selling their old clothes, and good tips on where to find things.


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## Tzetrik (Nov 1, 2006)

Hello IG! Im very sorry I dont much that would be remotely useful to add to this thread other than to say hi! I'm a good listener, but not much good at image advice or such Im afraid. It looks like you've got a lot of people here thinking about you, so thats pretty good. 

Where abouts in the UK are you? Give us a shout if you wanna chat about anything, I reckon we'd have pretty similar interests  tata!


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## InsecureGirl (Nov 1, 2006)

Tzetrik said:


> Hello IG! Im very sorry I dont much that would be remotely useful to add to this thread other than to say hi! I'm a good listener, but not much good at image advice or such Im afraid. It looks like you've got a lot of people here thinking about you, so thats pretty good.
> 
> Where abouts in the UK are you? Give us a shout if you wanna chat about anything, I reckon we'd have pretty similar interests  tata!



Hey, thanks! Feel free to ever IM me or PM me. I'm in the east of the UK, Norfolk. Yourself?

It'd be good if we have similar interests. Always good to meet like-minded people.

All the best.

IG


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## InsecureGirl (Nov 1, 2006)

lemmink said:


> Oh... you like goth clothes and you're so close to Camden! I'm pretty sure a lot of shops there do mail order though, if you look up Camden shops online. They have the best clothes there ever - I always shop there when I'm in London. There's also gothic.co.uk which I think has people selling their old clothes, and good tips on where to find things.



Hey thanks! I'll definitely have to check those out.


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## James (Nov 1, 2006)

Welcome to the boards... i hope that they help you make sense of things and helps you to move forward... 

all the best

James


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## lemmink (Nov 1, 2006)

InsecureGirl said:


> Hey thanks! I'll definitely have to check those out.



Seriously girl, they have the Best Clothes Ever EVER if you're into goth fashion. I know they definitely do boot resizings and I'm pretty certain that there'll be places you can get stuff fitted to you (a friend of mine is in a gothy band and seems to get a lot of tailored stuffs from there).


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Nov 1, 2006)

Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to here that you're struggling with mucho esteem issues, but I suppose in a society plagued by the cultural insanity known as the so-called "obesity epidemic", not every fat person can easily be happy and confident.



InsecureGirl said:


> Who wants to see me standing next to them in a mini skirt?



I do! =o
Seriously, most of the fat-bashers either deny the existance of FAs, or dismiss them as sickos or some fluke or aberration. Their are guys out here that not only would like to see you standing next to them in a mini skirt, but are prepared to wait on you hand in foot while you read trashy romance novels or watch cable TV programs of your choice, popping expensive chocolates into your mouth to save you the effort. <3


I'm sorry to hear that you're down in the dumps, but we'll try to encourage and support you. 


Speaking of which, what are your favorite movies, and preferred brand of expensive chocolates? >.>


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## InsecureGirl (Nov 2, 2006)

James said:


> Welcome to the boards... i hope that they help you make sense of things and helps you to move forward...
> 
> all the best
> 
> James



Thanks!


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## InsecureGirl (Nov 2, 2006)

lemmink said:


> Seriously girl, they have the Best Clothes Ever EVER if you're into goth fashion. I know they definitely do boot resizings and I'm pretty certain that there'll be places you can get stuff fitted to you (a friend of mine is in a gothy band and seems to get a lot of tailored stuffs from there).



Ooooh boot resizing... that is definitely worth a look... so I just google camden online?


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## InsecureGirl (Nov 2, 2006)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to here that you're struggling with mucho esteem issues, but I suppose in a society plagued by the cultural insanity known as the so-called "obesity epidemic", not every fat person can easily be happy and confident.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Awwwww thank you for your reply, it made me smile.
It's funny to think that you guys would actually like to see me in a mini skirt :blush: especially with my tree trunk thighs all wobbling around and them rubbing together. It'd be really embarrassing for me and I'm surprised that some guys here would love it.. guess I'm starting to get a taste for FA's. 

Oooh and sitting there while they pop expensive chocolates into my mouth as I watch TV.. that's just like heaven. I love to be spoilt.

Hmm.. favorite movies? That's tough.. I just watched Anchorman and I have to say that made me laugh so hard, so that has to be my new fav. I'm mostly a fan of comedy and horror. I love the Saw films.. can't wait till Saw III comes out on DVD as I'm unable to see it in the cinema. I also like 'Serenity', Joss Whedon is a God. Expensive chocolates? Hmm... I don't really think there are any that I like.. I'm pretty normal in my tastes for chocolate I think. I like plain Cadbury's Dairy Milk chocolate and Galaxy. Nice big bars for me to devour. I actually had both of those, not last night.. the night before.. and last night I had chocolate donuts with sprinkles... mmm they were gorgeous, I could have eaten a factory full of them.


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## lemmink (Nov 2, 2006)

InsecureGirl said:


> Ooooh boot resizing... that is definitely worth a look... so I just google camden online?



Google Camden markets, see what shows up. Try also gothic.co.uk too, see if they have anything and links


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## InsecureGirl (Nov 2, 2006)

lemmink said:


> Google Camden markets, see what shows up. Try also gothic.co.uk too, see if they have anything and links



Thanks hun!


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## InsecureGirl (Nov 2, 2006)

I just googled... couldn't find any online stores for camden market... and the gothic.co.uk was really disappointing they only go up to a size 14/16 I saw. Plus I think that's too gothic for me anyway.. when I said gothic before I guess I'm just into black really. haha.. that stuff I don't think I'd get away with wearing unless I wanted something kinky for the bedroom


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Nov 2, 2006)

InsecureGirl said:


> Awwwww thank you for your reply, it made me smile.
> It's funny to think that you guys would actually like to see me in a mini skirt :blush: especially with my tree trunk thighs all wobbling around and them rubbing together. It'd be really embarrassing for me and I'm surprised that some guys here would love it.. guess I'm starting to get a taste for FA's.
> 
> Oooh and sitting there while they pop expensive chocolates into my mouth as I watch TV.. that's just like heaven. I love to be spoilt.
> ...




Tsk tsk, you belittle the appeal of both yourself and trees. Really if you think about it, trees are pretty sensuous things. Long, tapering ends, curvy roots, little holes, crotches =p

What a happy coincidence. I (and a lot of the guys here) love to spoil. ^^

What kind of comedy and horror? I like my comedy light and my horror eldritch. I prefer horror films of the supernatural and monster categories. Are you into those, or more of an axe murderer/gore person, or a psychological thriller type?

Seen The Shining, (either Kubrik's or the stephen king miniseries), and which one do you prefer?

Oh, and in terms of big tastey chocolate bars, if you haven't had ghiradelli's, you have had nothing. I got one of them for christmas. Their delux chocolate bars are so big you literally need a hammer (or ideally some construction equipment) to break it into smaller peices. That's because they're large enough and dense enough to dull saws and steak knives.


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## lemmink (Nov 2, 2006)

InsecureGirl said:


> I just googled... couldn't find any online stores for camden market... and the gothic.co.uk was really disappointing they only go up to a size 14/16 I saw. Plus I think that's too gothic for me anyway.. when I said gothic before I guess I'm just into black really. haha.. that stuff I don't think I'd get away with wearing unless I wanted something kinky for the bedroom




Man, I'm going to have to hunt some things down...! Stay tuned, ma'am. I know that Camden Market definitely does have places that sell clothes in larger sizes.


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## InsecureGirl (Nov 3, 2006)

Hey, thanks for replying Fuzzy Necromancer,

I have to ask though.. why am I belittling the appeal of myself and trees? *giggles* I must have missed where the tree part came in.

Also, I love a guy that can spoil. haha.

I like really silly comedy.. I watched 'Anchorman' the other day and that just had me laughing non-stop. I like horror with a little of everything.. gore etc.. I'm a fan of the Saw films.. I can't wait till Saw III comes to DVD.

I have The Shining on DVD. I've only seen the one version and that's the Stanley Kubbrik one. "Here's Johnny!"
Didn't know there was a mini-series..

Haha to chocolate bars you have to break with a hammer, I'll be sure to google that at some point.



Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> Tsk tsk, you belittle the appeal of both yourself and trees. Really if you think about it, trees are pretty sensuous things. Long, tapering ends, curvy roots, little holes, crotches =p
> 
> What a happy coincidence. I (and a lot of the guys here) love to spoil. ^^
> 
> ...


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## InsecureGirl (Nov 3, 2006)

lemmink said:


> Man, I'm going to have to hunt some things down...! Stay tuned, ma'am. I know that Camden Market definitely does have places that sell clothes in larger sizes.



Standing by!


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Nov 3, 2006)

> tree trunk thighs


Belittling yourself and trees. =p

If you liked Kubrik's, you might not like the miniseries. Personally I loved the miniseries because it conveyed stuff in the book and the actors were spectacular, prortray rich, complex, realistic characters, rather than one-dimensional styrofoam-people so irritating you want to bash their brains in. Jack Nicholson's problem was that he didn't act. At all. He was just Jack Nicholson, no torrance involved, and having gotten to know torrance well from the book and miniseries that pissed me off.
Also, Roque Mallet > Axe.


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## Still a Skye fan (Nov 3, 2006)

InsecureGirl said:


> Hey all,
> 
> I decided to be brave and finally register and post a message here. I'd been viewing the boards for a while..
> 
> ...




Welcome to the board, dear, I'm sure you'll find friends here.

Personally speaking, you sound like a lovely young woman who deserves more happiness than you've let yourself have. I think you just need a confidence boost is all.

So, you're not thin...so what? There are far bigger problems in the world to face than being fat.

Yes, let your plump belly hang out, if you want to. Eat moderately and get some activity, plenty of fat are out there enjoying themselves and you should too...learn to be happy with yourself. You can lose weight or not, later.

Best to you,


Dennis


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## InsecureGirl (Nov 6, 2006)

Thank you for your kind words Dennis and for your warm welcome.


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## mickyj (Nov 7, 2006)

Hi,
I just joined myself. What you need to remember is that everyone is different. We will all never be the same size, or fit the media ideal of what is classed as a perfect man or woman. I'm glad you discovered this forum, because what you will learn is that there are lots of men who find big women attractive, I should know I'm one of them lol.
I can tell you that in all honesty I would pick a 25stone woman over one that weighed 8 stone, and there are lots of guys just like me.
I fall into the same age group as you, and I have dated girls much heavier than you, and we would walk hand in hand down the street, and I would always have my head up high with pride.
Big women are far far sexier, and because of there softness, make the best lovers.
If you live in or around London maybe I could try to get you out of the house?


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