# Being Fat does'nt mean i need to be fed.



## BigWilliamUK (Jun 29, 2012)

Hello everyone im curious to know how others feel about this issue. Im obviously a male looking to meet mrs right however im not looking for a feeder, in fact although i know there are people looking for just that im totally the opposite and find the idea that a woman or man wants to be with someone just to feed them to make them larger a total turn off, maybe it's me in the minority thats why i have'nt found some one yet. Anyway what do others think?


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## Bearsy (Jun 29, 2012)

I agree with what you're saying. But I'm also trying to lose a significant amount of weight so maybe I'm not the best person to speak about it.

And the idea of someone wanting to be with you from a purely fetishistic standpoint turns me off a bit. Don't get me wrong I appreciate the attention but I don't know if I could be with someone in a serious romantic relationship who's primary reason for being with me is my girth. Sure the physical attraction a bonus and I'd prefer to be with an FFA in the long run, but if the only reason you're into me is my size I doubt it would seriously work for long.


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## MrBob (Jun 29, 2012)

BigWilliamUK said:


> Hello everyone im curious to know how others feel about this issue. Im obviously a male looking to meet mrs right however im not looking for a feeder, in fact although i know there are people looking for just that im totally the opposite and find the idea that a woman or man wants to be with someone just to feed them to make them larger a total turn off, maybe it's me in the minority thats why i have'nt found some one yet. Anyway what do others think?



I'm in agreement. I'm just about finally comfortable in my own skin now...I wouldn't want anyone deliberately feeding me to be bigger. Surely I am enough as I am.


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## agouderia (Jun 29, 2012)

BigWilliamUK said:


> Hello everyone im curious to know how others feel about this issue. Im obviously a male looking to meet mrs right however im not looking for a feeder, in fact although i know there are people looking for just that im totally the opposite and find the idea that a woman or man wants to be with someone just to feed them to make them larger a total turn off, maybe it's me in the minority thats why i have'nt found some one yet. Anyway what do others think?



I understand you have problems with a hands on feeder. 

But the title of your post

Being fat doesn't mean I need to be fed

brings something more general to mind. 

Not every woman who you get to know and likes cooking for, going out to eat with you must necessarily be a feeder. 
Girls and woman are consciously and sub-consciously taught from early on that it is mark of a good female, caring, nurturing and rewarding to provide their loved ones with nutrition - doing well in this field is mostly rewarded with positive feedback and attention.

Even though sound empirical data on these fetishes is scarse, from comparable issues you're on the safe side to assume that at least 8 out of 10 women who bake a cake for you are plain showing you that they like you and care for you and are not feeders!

From personal experience as FFA and hobby cook/baker - I love cooking/baking for friends and loved ones and enjoying the products of my work with them. Having a nice big guy with a big appetite is just a special perk. Still - I'm no feeder. 
If whoever tells me about dietary restrictions or wishes, I of course include that in my cooking, be it low fat, no parsley, purine free or whatever (some of the most recent issues) - after all it's about making someone else happy with what you're doing in the kitchen or in selecting a restaurant.

Keep this in mind when dealing with the random female that would like to feed you, address it in a friendly fashion .... and chances are high you'll get an understanding, sympathetic response.


P.S.: Not only FFA's, but most board members appreciate punctuation and capitalization in posts - it makes them a lot easier to read!


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## CastingPearls (Jun 29, 2012)

BigWilliamUK said:


> Hello everyone im curious to know how others feel about this issue. Im obviously a male looking to meet mrs right however im not looking for a feeder, in fact although i know there are people looking for just that im totally the opposite and find the idea that a woman or man wants to be with someone just to feed them to make them larger a total turn off, maybe it's me in the minority thats why i have'nt found some one yet. Anyway what do others think?


In answer to your question, there are a lot of FFAs (including many BBWs) that aren't into feedism/gaining/encouraging, etc. here. If someone asks, just say, 'Not interested, thanks', just like you would if it were something else that didn't appeal to you. No need to even explain yourself.


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## MrBob (Jun 30, 2012)

Note to everyone, though I have no desire to be fed to be bigger, I have zero objections to a woman putting her excellent culinary skills to good use and making me a meal. You get bonus points if you know how to make a great curry!


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## redline (Jun 30, 2012)

MrBob said:


> Note to everyone, though I have no desire to be fed to be bigger, I have zero objections to a woman putting her excellent culinary skills to good use and making me a meal. You get bonus points if you know how to make a great curry!



+1 to this.


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## Thelonious (Jun 30, 2012)

I agree. I too don't mind if a girl enjoys cooking for me, but I am in no way looking to get bigger. I've actually thought about if I found a feeder if I'd be comfortable gaining, but I don't like the idea. Finding clothing and seating is hardly bearable now.


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## analikesyourface (Jun 30, 2012)

Just because a girl is into the idea of feederism, also doesn't mean she's a feeder. I'm also somebody who just likes to cook. Yes, I find the idea mildly attractive, but I wouldn't be all like GAIN DA WEIGHT FOR ME if I already found you attractive. And if I didn't find you very attractive, I'd probably not go on a date with you >..>


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## superblooper (Jun 30, 2012)

analikesyourface said:


> Just because a girl is into the idea of feederism, also doesn't mean she's a feeder. I'm also somebody who just likes to cook. Yes, I find the idea mildly attractive, but I wouldn't be all like GAIN DA WEIGHT FOR ME if I already found you attractive. And if I didn't find you very attractive, I'd probably not go on a date with you >..>



This. This exactly.  And of course if a guy were uncomfortable with the fact that you were into feederism, then you could just try not to push it or mention it. And there are always plenty of other things that can take more priority in a relationship than the preoccupation with weight gain.
I feel that feederism just leads to a bad state of mind for the feedee; on one hand they may be hearing people saying that they're too big, and on the other they may be hearing their feeder telling them they're too small. I can't imagine that anyone in that situation would ever really feel pleased with who they are. Obviously not all feedees feel this way! If both parties are consenting, emotionally ready and willing to accept the consequences, it may make both parties happy, and it's then their own business. But I don't think that I could put that kind of pressure on someone I'm close to.


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## cakeboy (Jul 1, 2012)

Yes it does. EAT A SANDWICH! Kidding, but sandwiches are fucking delicious.


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## likeitmatters (Jul 1, 2012)

if it is in a relationship but to just feed someone and get your rocks off is boring and it will leave a lasting memory of food in your mind.
and you will always wonder if they man or woman is cooking for you to fatten you up or cause they love to cook.

The man in my life is 7 1 and 350lbs and I cook for him but I do not want him any bigger cause at 5 4 and 210lbs he towers over me and outweighs by alot. I am happy with what he looks like and feels like in bed.

Cooking for a loved one is something I enjoy doing for my dean.


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## BigWilliamUK (Jul 1, 2012)

Just thought i would add I too am not talking about cooking a meal for me or going out to eat I was talking more about someone basical forcing food or deliberately giving larger portions probably not the best way to word it but easiest way to clear up what i mean't . Im also relieved that so many of you agree with me because i was begining to think i was in a minority of me


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## BigWilliamUK (Jul 1, 2012)

P.S.: Not only FFA's, but most board members appreciate punctuation and capitalization in posts - it makes them a lot easier to read! [/QUOTE]

I must admit the last thing I thought I would be pulled upon was my use of the English language and grammar. I do apologise if my English offended you


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## escapist (Jul 1, 2012)

I'm actually not offended by it at all. There was a point when I didn't really get it (The need to feed). I can't speak for everyone but I've been fed by an FFA and by a Feeder, and sometimes both. I don't think anybody has meant me harm by feeding me or enjoying seeing me gorge myself on food but the truth is I'd probably do it even if they were not feeding me. Its not like I do it every day but I certainly make a few to many trips to the Las Vegas Buffets.

The feeding can be a double edge sword in a relationship though. When you are deriving comfort and attention from someone you truly love and the are snuggling and loving on you while you devour you most love pleasure food its hard to hate them and not want more of that. Its even worse when your a touchy-feely-cuddly person already and crave the pawing at your massive body and get overloaded with all that blissful pampering. To stay healthy you just have to take it in moderation and not binge on it like a tasty treat you've been waiting all day to eat.

In the end a real loving partner will love you regardless if your stuffing your face or not. She (or he) may not be able to help their arousal at your pleasure and bliss though. For them its just a natural reaction seeing something they find sexy. Just like you would if your ideal match did something that really turned you on and they weren't even trying to.


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## Wanderer (Jul 2, 2012)

Likewise, even those of us who _are_ into being fed don't consider it the be-all and end-all. Sure, having someone to feed and coax you and have fun with your growing girth is fun... but if the other person isn't into it, that's not a deal-breaker. After all, it's the person you fall in love with, not the fetish.


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## bigrich711 (Jul 3, 2012)

I couldn't agree with you more, buddy.


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## Critters (Jul 4, 2012)

I can understand where you're coming from.. After all, I'm a big girl, and though I'm totally fine with being the size I am, I know I don't want to intentionally gain any more and have been trying to make healthier choices lately so I can lose a bit. And it seems like most of the guys who like big girls want to see a big girl gain. I'm fine with the way I look, but my back pain doesn't like it when I put on any more weight. I'm already at the upper limit dose of my pain meds, and I don't want to go any higher.. either with the meds or the weight. 

And while I like very big guys, I know I'd feel a lot of guilt over coercing someone I love into modifying his body in a way that can be painful and is absolutely long-term. This isn't like getting your ear pierced or even like getting a tattoo. Gaining weight effects the physics of bodily movement, and it can cause back and joint pain. I'm not about to ask someone I care about to voluntarily enter into pain. It isn't an easy way of life. 

I may enjoy stories and drawings that depict weight gain, but that's just a goofy fetish that has never been part of my real-world relationships. If anything, it's just the same as a guy imagining a naked celebrity actress or model in order to masturbate. That doesn't mean that the guy expects his real life wife/girlfriend to look exactly like that actress or model. It's just a harmless private fantasy. And just like I'd consider a guy a total asshole if demanded that I get a boob job to look more like the big-busted actress or lose weight to resemble the skinny model, I'd totally expect him to think I was a jerk to demand he gain weight to more closely resemble images from my own fantasies. Because they are just fantasies, and as such, the bodies of the imagined people don't have to be naturalistic. Any time one partner demands that the other make big changes to their body, that should automatically set off the alarm bells.

If a person can't differentiate between fantasy and reality, then that person isn't mature enough to handle a relationship.


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## Tad (Jul 4, 2012)

Critters said:


> If a person can't differentiate between fantasy and reality, then that person isn't mature enough to handle a relationship.



this ^^^^^^

And someone who insists on feeding you is living in fantasy land. Even in a relationship where one partner IS a feedee and the other a feeder, the feeding can only be a limited portion of life, and the gaining can only go on for so long--everyone has limits.

On the plus side, anyone who leads with their fantasy lets you know quickly that they aren't that interested in the reality, and it lets both of you move on to hopefully find someone better aligned with what you want.


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## JenFromOC (Jul 4, 2012)

I've never been into feeding. However, in my own mind, a true man just eats and doesn't think about gaining weight. Men should eat. They're men. Leave the worrying up to the women....LOL


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## Wanderer (Jul 5, 2012)

JenFromOC said:


> I've never been into feeding. However, in my own mind, a true man just eats and doesn't think about gaining weight. Men should eat. They're men. Leave the worrying up to the women....LOL



Heh... is it okay if I *look forward* to gaining weight?  :eat1:


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## SweetTea (Jul 6, 2012)

I get what the OP is saying, but here's my dilemma: I'm very attracted to big guys because the BHM size implies to me that a guy doesn't have hang-ups about enjoying food, or compulsive dieting urges, two things that are huge turn-offs and are really distracting for me in a relationship. 

Whether it's true or not, some part of me is going to assume, perhaps wrongly, that big size = enjoyment of food, and so I'm going to want to share that enjoyment with my man. I love cooking for guys and girls, but especially for a guy I'm dating. Nothing makes me feel better than seeing him enjoy something I made! 

Does this mean I like to "feed" him, per se? I don't think so, but I could be wrong. I just think that enjoying food is a really great part of a relationship between people of any size. I hope that people won't think poorly of me if I ever offer to cook dinner for them!


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## Tad (Jul 6, 2012)

JenFromOC said:


> I've never been into feeding. However, in my own mind, a true man just eats and doesn't think about gaining weight. Men should eat. They're men. Leave the worrying up to the women....LOL





SweetTea said:


> I get what the OP is saying, but here's my dilemma: I'm very attracted to big guys because the BHM size implies to me that a guy doesn't have hang-ups about enjoying food, or compulsive dieting urges, two things that are huge turn-offs and are really distracting for me in a relationship.
> 
> Whether it's true or not, some part of me is going to assume, perhaps wrongly, that big size = enjoyment of food, and so I'm going to want to share that enjoyment with my man. I love cooking for guys and girls, but especially for a guy I'm dating. Nothing makes me feel better than seeing him enjoy something I made!
> 
> Does this mean I like to "feed" him, per se? I don't think so, but I could be wrong. I just think that enjoying food is a really great part of a relationship between people of any size. I hope that people won't think poorly of me if I ever offer to cook dinner for them!



On the one hand, I think both of you are in the clear; the context of the OP strongly suggests that here 'feed' implies for the purpose of weight gain, and neither of you sound like you are doing that.

On the other hand....a lot of big folks are big not because they eat stupendous amounts of food while never getting off the couch, but because their bodies are just wired such that fairly normal diet and activity leaves them large, or even large and growing. Someone at 350 pounds could be watching what they eat just as carefully as someone half or a third their size, because they know that they could easily end up much bigger. (Yes, some people are that size because they want to be, or because they eat a lot without doing much, but far from all). So people who are already quite big may sometimes be the last ones who feel safe in just indulging their appetites and letting the weight fall where it may.

(FWIW, I'm not all that large, around 220 currently, but the few times in my adult life where I've stopped being careful about what/how much I eat, I've found my weight popping up very fast, such as ten pounds in six weeks. I strongly suspect that without restraint I'd balloon up to the point where daily life was becoming a struggle. Much as part of me would enjoy that, it is not the sort of life altering change to allow to happen without conscious intent on the part of the person undergoing the change. So yah, I think big folk can have perfectly good reasons for watching what they eat, even if they like being big!)


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## BigWilliamUK (Jul 7, 2012)

SweetTea said:


> I get what the OP is saying, but here's my dilemma: I'm very attracted to big guys because the BHM size implies to me that a guy doesn't have hang-ups about enjoying food, or compulsive dieting urges, two things that are huge turn-offs and are really distracting for me in a relationship.
> 
> Whether it's true or not, some part of me is going to assume, perhaps wrongly, that big size = enjoyment of food, and so I'm going to want to share that enjoyment with my man. I love cooking for guys and girls, but especially for a guy I'm dating. Nothing makes me feel better than seeing him enjoy something I made!
> 
> Does this mean I like to "feed" him, per se? I don't think so, but I could be wrong. I just think that enjoying food is a really great part of a relationship between people of any size. I hope that people won't think poorly of me if I ever offer to cook dinner for them!



No not at all ,thats why I asked the question in the first place to find out peoples opions. I enjoy my food as much as anyone it's just I don't want a relationship where it is the most important thing or even one of them.


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## BigWilliamUK (Jul 7, 2012)

JenFromOC said:


> I've never been into feeding. However, in my own mind, a true man just eats and doesn't think about gaining weight. Men should eat. They're men. Leave the worrying up to the women....LOL



If only more women were like you, the world would be a great place


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Jul 7, 2012)

BigWilliamUK said:


> Hello everyone im curious to know how others feel about this issue. Im obviously a male looking to meet mrs right however im not looking for a feeder, in fact although i know there are people looking for just that im totally the opposite and find the idea that a woman or man wants to be with someone just to feed them to make them larger a total turn off, maybe it's me in the minority thats why i have'nt found some one yet. Anyway what do others think?



I actually think you might be making the wrong assumptions. Im kind of a whore around these parts (emotional, not physically) and although some of the women DO like feeding, I've seen the a pretty fair ratio or the women, here at least, aren't necessarily into feeding. Some of them are turned off by it, some of them don't care and a few of them just like watching men eat. Don't limit your pool by assuming a majority of the women here want to feed you. 

Also remember that a man who likes pale girls with big tits is being just as superficial as a woman who likes a fat man. It's a physical preference. 

Good luck with mrs. Right, I'm sure she'll be worth the wait once you find her.


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## FFAMolly (Jul 18, 2012)

I think feederism is more common among MFAs than FFAs. Most FFAs I know like their men big, but don't necessarily want to make them bigger.


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## escapist (Jul 19, 2012)

Between Hozay and Molly's comments I'm starting to wonder if I just meet all the feeders. Of the FFA's I've actually met in person there is more feederisim going on than I would have expected. Granted the very first time I didn't even believe the girl when she said I wasn't fat enough (about 100 lbs ago). I know not all FFA's are feeders but in person that's the bulk of what I meet.


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## CastingPearls (Jul 20, 2012)

escapist said:


> Between Hozay and Molly's comments I'm starting to wonder if I just meet all the feeders. Of the FFA's I've actually met in person there is more feederisim going on than I would have expected. Granted the very first time I didn't even believe the girl when she said I wasn't fat enough (about 100 lbs ago). I know not all FFA's are feeders but in person that's the bulk of what I meet.


What do you expect to meet if you're hanging out at the buffet 24/7?


jk


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## The Orange Mage (Jul 20, 2012)

From an observer's standpoint, I can't say if there are more male feeders or female feeders, but the ladies who DO want to feed a guy are way more upfront and open about it, whereas most male feeders hide being the "FA" label until they're a few months/years into a relationship or something stupid like that.


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