# I am looking for a very large white whale



## altered states (Aug 30, 2006)

I mean, like REALLY large.

thanks, 
Ahab


----------



## altered states (Aug 30, 2006)

Any help will be appreciated.

best,
Captain Hook


----------



## steely (Aug 30, 2006)

tres huevos said:


> I mean, like REALLY large.
> 
> thanks,
> Ahab



I misread this and thought it said really large white male:doh:


----------



## C Side BBW Lover (Aug 30, 2006)

Ah, then ye be Captain Ahab, be ye? Ahhhhhr, ye scum! Ye need to be larnin' how to read, and read of the fate that befalls Captain Ahab afore ye be lookin' for any large white whales!

Avast!


----------



## love dubh (Aug 30, 2006)

I can't seem to find my dick. Oh, wait. Darcy's right there.

Thanks anyway!

Love,
Elizabeth Bennett.


----------



## activistfatgirl (Aug 30, 2006)

I can't seem to find an appro literary reference! I knew I needed to read more!


----------



## Seth Warren (Aug 30, 2006)

Cue the MC Lars...

Call me Ahab, what, monomaniac 
Obsessed with success unlike Steve Wozniak 
On the hunt for this mammal that once took my leg
With my warn down crew and my man Queequeg 
Youre never going to find him! Hes a big sperm whale
The ocean is enormous! Shut up, were setting sail 
This scar that you see that runs down my face 
Has scarred my soul and inspired this chase 
Mental sickness has got me on the run 
Full speed ahead! This is American fun 
There is wisdom that is woe, so welcome to my life 
It was fine until Moby scarred me like a knife 
Towards thee I sail, thou unconquering whale 
To stab my spear into your white tail 
The first one to stop him gets this gold doubloon 
Now excuse me while I go be melancholy in my room! 

CHORUS 
(Got a low low feeling around me) 
Bad trip thanks to Moby Dick! 
(And a stone cold feeling inside) 
Peg leg, sperm whale, jaw bone, what! 
(And I just cant stop messing my mind up) 
Whale crash so fast 
(Or wasting my time) 
Oh no, oh no! 
The ships got a hole, plug it up, plug it up! 

Were never going to find this white whale, 
Are we captain? 

Hey Ishmael can I call you annoying? 
Grown up Beluga in the deep blue sea 
Swims so fast and swims so free 
With the heaven above, Moby Dick stressing me 
And this crazy drenched crew below 
Call it idiot pride, or call me Oedipus 
My main tragic flaw But what about us? 
Its your battle too, crew, man vs. beast 
At least have respect as we sail south and east 
And north and west, look Im doing my best 
While the rain keeps pouring 
were exhausted and stressed 
Pip went insane when he almost drowned, 
So profound when he shrieks like a little sailor clown 
Random ships we met warned us of our doom 
They said our boat would be our tomb 
Near the Mariana Trench, deep and oceanic 
We spotted Moby Dick so white and titanic 

REPEAT CHORUS 
I said, You took my leg, and for that you must die! 
I threw my spear and hit Moby in the eye 
He charged the boat, it began to sink 
I said, How about that? Hubris really stinks! 
I didnt think that it would end like this 
Pride met fate, this captain got dissed 
Let it be a lesson, revenge is never sweet 
So I stomp my peg to this Supergrass beat! 

REPEAT CHORUS

(Got a low low feeling around me) 
Thats it, thanks to Moby Dick! 
(And a stone cold feeling inside) 
Peg leg, sperm whale, jaw bone, what! 
(And I just cant stop messing my mind up) 
Whale crash so fast 
(Or wasting my time) 
Oh no, oh no! 
The ships got a hole, plug it up, plug it up!


----------



## MissToodles (Aug 30, 2006)

I'm standing by with tin drum full of tartar sauce:eat2: :eat1: :eat2: :eat1:


----------



## Littleghost (Aug 30, 2006)

tres huevos said:


> I am looking for a very large white whale. I mean, like REALLY large.
> thanks,
> Ahab


FOUND

One whale, greyish blue, goes by name of Monstro. Can paint or bleach if different color desired.

Please call Gepetto


----------



## lemmink (Aug 31, 2006)

Found, one whale. Has stomach ulcer and speaks to God.

May vomit on you.

For more information, please contact Jonah.


----------



## mango (Aug 31, 2006)

*Free Willy!!!

 *


----------



## Zandoz (Aug 31, 2006)

I do a wicked beached whale impression after a good dinner. Will that help?


----------



## Ivy (Sep 1, 2006)

it's pretty large for for a beluga!
ohmygodwhyarewhalessocute!?


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye (Sep 1, 2006)

"Killer Whale Tank" (swiped from "new orleans is sinking"... the ship, not the city) - blippet from Gord Downie of das hip  ...and all the canuckers and caknuckleheads will already know - lol 

I had a job before this
I had a job before this
Ultimately it was that job that drove me into this
I worked at an aquarium
An aquarium with lots of money from the government
So it was HUGE
I was clean & scrub man, they called us in the CNS Union
I scrubbed the inside of the killer whale tank
And after a while the boys in the CNS, the Clean & Scrub, we just sorta made it one word
The Killerwhaletank, the killerwhaletank, the killerwhaletank, i'm goin into the killerwhaletank
I got along with these two big beasts so well,
it was like they knew me
they'd look at me with their 100 year old eyes
and it was like they knew me
I'd put on my scuba gear, my mask, my regulator
and I'd fall into the tank with nary a sound
and I was underwater
sometimes -- I'd JUMP OUT -- right in front of the window
when people were expecting a killer whale
and they'd see a human
and they'd get spooked ... SPOOKED. yeah I'd do that
but I was in the water this particular day
unbeknownst to me, Shamu and Bartholomew, their relationship had gone stale
seems I was going in there so much
and I was looking so good
Shamu took a shining to me
And their so smart those things you know
they've got all these human emotions
love, lust, green 100 year old jealousy,
Bartholomew... WAS LIVID!
Unbeknownst to me I can't hear a goddamn thing underwater
He was bumping up against me
The stale
killer whale
bumping up against someone so pale
and frail
how was I to know the killerwhalerelationship had gone stale
he bumpedup against me
his skin was like sandpaper
and he circled around
I thought we were all patched up and
I was cleanin and scrubbin
and he took my...
he came up and...
he ripped my left arm off...
and they're quite docile and friendly in captivity but
he took my left arm
he took my fuckin left arm



[this always makes me laugh...  dunno why. killer whales love people, so it's totally ridiculous. he's so funny, hehee  ]


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye (Sep 1, 2006)

To inhabitants of this earth:

Screw it all. You miserable bastards - go shoot one another. See if I care! I'm printing this in the next Pratimoksha. 

Sincerely, 
Thich Nhat Hanh

P.S. That was kind of harsh. I'm having a bad day.


----------



## fatlane (Sep 1, 2006)

FOR SALE

One sled, good condition. Has word "Rosebud" painted across front handle. Interesting offers considered.

C. Kane
Xanadu, CA


----------



## missaf (Sep 2, 2006)

She's so cute, I'd love to swim with her.


----------



## altered states (Sep 2, 2006)

fatlane said:


> FOR SALE
> 
> One sled, good condition. Has word "Rosebud" painted across front handle. Interesting offers considered.
> 
> ...



Weight-tested up to 400 pounds.


----------



## Tina (Sep 2, 2006)

OMG, I love the sweet-looking little Belugas, missa. She's lovely.

The title of this thread always reminds me of _Seinfeld_.


----------



## ripley (Sep 2, 2006)

Vancouver Aquarium Beluga Cam.


Never say I don't love you all.


----------



## Tina (Sep 2, 2006)

Fabulous!!! Repreprep!!!!


----------



## Fuzzy Necromancer (Sep 2, 2006)

...I don't get this. >>'


----------



## swamptoad (Sep 2, 2006)

Try out this site also.  

http://cetacea.org/


----------



## exile in thighville (Sep 3, 2006)

Seth Warren said:


> Cue the MC Lars...



eww...pasty nerd rap lyrics


----------



## Seth Warren (Sep 4, 2006)

dan ex machina said:


> eww...pasty nerd rap lyrics



Damn straight. That's what would happen if I tried rapping. Thankfully, the world will never know such horrors.


----------



## FreeThinker (Sep 5, 2006)

tres huevos said:


> I mean, like REALLY large.
> 
> thanks,
> Ahab





tres huevos said:


> *I am looking for a very large crocodile *
> 
> 
> Any help will be appreciated.
> ...



_Eww_...there's *seamen* all over this thread.


----------



## Carrie (Sep 5, 2006)

FreeThinker said:


> _Eww_...there's *seamen* all over this thread.



Some baking soda and lemon juice ought to take care of any mess caused by seamen in this thread.

I speak, of course, of spilled liquor bottles and such. I don't know what *you're* thinking of.


----------



## Carrie (Sep 5, 2006)

P.S. I cannot express how difficult it's been for me to refrain from starting a copycat thread entitled "I am looking for a very large white male".


----------



## FreeThinker (Sep 6, 2006)

Carrie said:


> P.S. I cannot express how difficult it's been for me to refrain from starting a copycat thread entitled "I am looking for a very large white male".


As difficult as it is for me not to respond to your comment?

Oops...

Dang! :doh: 

You have more willpower than I.


----------



## Ericthonius (Sep 11, 2006)

activistfatgirl said:


> I can't seem to find an appro literary reference! I knew I needed to read more!



Don't worry darlin' I got enough here for the two of us...
Who knows? This might even get us a musical spot on, '_Buffie, Fatlane and Friends_' 
The relavent details are highlighted in red, below.

A-One, A-Two, A-Three...


"Bob Dylan's 115th Dream"

I was riding on the Mayflower
When I thought I spied some land
I yelled for Captain Arab***
I have yuh understand
Who came running to the deck
Said, "Boys, forget the whale
Look on over yonder
Cut the engines
Change the sail
Haul on the bowline"
We sang that melody
Like all tough sailors do
When they are far away at sea.

"I think I'll call it America"
I said as we hit the land
I took a deep breath
I fell down, I could not stand
Captain Arab he started
Writing up some deeds
He said, "Let's set up a fort
And start buying the place with beads"
Just then this cop comes down the street
Crazy as a loon
He throw us all in jail
For carryin' harpoons.

Ah me I busted out
Don't even ask me how
I went to get some help
I walked by a Guernsey cow
Who directed me down
To the Bowery slums
Where people carried signs around
Saying, "Ban the bums"
I jumped right into line
Sayin' "I hope that I'm not late"
When I realized I hadn't eaten
For five days straight.

I went into a restaurant
Lookin' for the cook
I told him I was the editor
Of a famous etiquette book
The waitress he was handsome
He wore a powder blue cape
I ordered some suzette, I said
"Could you please make that crepe"
Just then the whole kitchen exploded
From boillin' fat
Food was flying anywhere
And I left without my had.

Now, I didn't mean to be nosy
But I went into a bank
To get some bail for Arab
And all the boys back in the tank
They asked me for some collateral
And I pulled down my pants
They threw me in the alley
When up comes this girl from France
Who invited me to her house
I went, but she had a friend
Who knocked me out
And robbed my boots
And I was on the street again.

Well, I rapped upon a house
With the US flag upon display
I said, "Could you help me out
I got some friends down the way
" The man says, "Get out of here
I'll tear you limp from limb"
I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"
He said, "You're not Him
Get out of here before I break your bones
I ain't your pop"
I decided to have him arrested
And I went lookin for a cop.

I ran right outside
And I hopped inside a cab
I went out the other door
This Englishman said, "Fab"
As he saw me leap a hot dog stand
And a chariot that stood
Parked across from a building
Advertising brotherhood
I ran right through the front door
Like a hobo sailor does
But it was just a funeral parlor
And the man asked me who I was. 

I repeated that my friends
Where all in jail, with a sigh
He gave me his card
He said, "Call me if they die"
I shook his hand and said goodbye
Ran out to the street
When a bowling ball came down the road
And knocked me off my feet
A pay phone was ringing
It just about blew my mind
When I picked it up and said hello
This foot came through the line.

Well, by this time I was feed up
At tryin'g to make a stab
At bringin' back any help
For my friends and captain Arab
I decided to flip a coin
Like either heads or tails
Would let me know if I should go
Back to the ship or back to jail
So I hooked my sailor suit
And I got a coin to flip
It came up tails
It rhymed with sails
So I made it back to the ship.

Well, I got back and took
The parkin' ticket off the mast
I was ripping it to shreds
When this coastguard boat went past
They asked me my name
And I said, "Captain Kidd"
They believed me but
They wanted to know
What exactly that I did
I said for the Pope of Eruke
I was employed
They let me go right away
They were very paranoid.

Well, the last I heard of Arab***
He was stuck on a whale
That was married to the deputy
Sheriff of the jail
But the funniest thing was
When I was leavin' the bay
I saw three ships a-sailin'
There were all heading my way
I asked the captain what his name was
And how come he didn't drive a truck
He said his name was Columbus
I just said, "Good luck".​

***Due to a copyright infringement lawsuit, Ol' Zimmy had to change the name Ahab to,'Arab'


----------



## simon_squarepants (Sep 12, 2006)

Personally I always find referring to women as "incredibly oversized mountains of seal blubber" is much better at pulling the chicks... "whale" is so last century 

LOL


----------



## Shikamaru (Sep 14, 2006)

yarrr





He's got the whole Jack Sparrow thing about him, doesnt he?


----------



## Santaclear (Sep 14, 2006)

I have found the very large white whale but need a place to store it.


----------



## FreeThinker (Sep 14, 2006)

Santaclear said:


> I have found the very large white whale but need a place to store it.



Post tanx pix plz


----------



## Santaclear (Sep 14, 2006)

FreeThinker said:


> Post tanx pix plz



Post ticks spleen pause tanks!


----------



## exile in thighville (Sep 14, 2006)

Seth Warren said:


> Damn straight. That's what would happen if I tried rapping. Thankfully, the world will never know such horrors.



the world has seen horrors though. i haven't rapped for a couple years but i did for a while and i still do hiphop production these days. *double take my pic* yep.


----------

