# depression and suicide...



## waitingforsuperman (Dec 2, 2005)

fuck it. i'm really messed up right now.

i was going to pretend to start a discussion on the topic, but instead, i'm just confessing that this is where i am right now. it never gets any fucking better. i'm sick and tired of it.

i'm doomed to mediocrity, and i don't think the world needs any more mediocre people.

no, i'm not going to kill myself, but i think about it a lot.

and don't suggest psych meds or therapy. i've done both. i'm still on the meds.

whatever.

like i said, fuck it.


----------



## Obesus (Dec 2, 2005)

....why do you feel that way? Is it something specific that hasn't happened or just a general feeling about your life?



waitingforsuperman said:


> fuck it. i'm really messed up right now.
> 
> i was going to pretend to start a discussion on the topic, but instead, i'm just confessing that this is where i am right now. it never gets any fucking better. i'm sick and tired of it.
> 
> ...


----------



## Jay West Coast (Dec 2, 2005)

waitingforsuperman said:


> fuck it. i'm really messed up right now.
> 
> i was going to pretend to start a discussion on the topic, but instead, i'm just confessing that this is where i am right now. it never gets any fucking better. i'm sick and tired of it.
> 
> ...




I'm not going to pretend I know anything about your situation, or that I really know what you're going through. I can't even pretend that I have the perfect advice to offer, man. But the truth is that when I was younger, I grew up in a messed up household which led me to seriously consider suicide too. But I've come out on the other end of it, and find life to be pretty damn good. I can still catch myself getting in a bit of a funk, but whenever I realize that I'm dwelling on my situation, I look for ways to turn my focus outward and make _other_ people happy. Turns out, the more I do shit for other people, the less I ponder my own mediocrity. 

Sometimes you have to dig deep to get through it. As a Protestant, I found myself going to God to ask for strength and direction through the tough times. Wherever you're at spiritually, you might think about asking a higher power to remind you of your purpose. We're all here for a reason, even if we don't understand it. At 20, you've still got a lot of your best years ahead of you to find out just what that is.

As much as everybody's experience is unique, a lot of people go through depression. You've just gotta stay convinced that there is hope, even when you can't see it. Truth is, its there, and its worth pursuing. Tenaciously and relentlessly pursue the good things in life, even when the odds are against you; because its not just a matter of your destination in life, but the journey you take to get there.


Just a fellow human,


Jay West Coast


PS: PM me anytime.


----------



## 1300 Class (Dec 2, 2005)

Just become a jaded oppurtunitic cynic like me, and you'll get over it. In fact erase all expectations, that way you are never dissapointed. Try and devoid yourself of all emotion and feeling. Live day by day, dont do any of that long term planning rubbish, for it will only get your hopes up. 

Turn god, or turn to liquors, in the end it doesn't matter. Your not alone though, that is for sure, but well thats life, the only thing universal is god (or a diety or whatever you believe in a divinity fo some kind) and the rest is an optional extra of bordom and emptiness. 

Actually, fluffy it, and read up on the philosephy of the existentialists like our mutual friend Jean Paul Sartre. Theres not much good or hope lurking out there, the occasional bright spot or ray of hope yes, but nothing in any greatness. There is emptiness and dispair, we are what we make of ourselves, there is no right or wrong, just being and nothingness. 

Go travel, go to a somewhere you have never been before, even in your home town or city. Take up gardening, write a book, just write whatever is on your mind down on paper.


----------



## MissToodles (Dec 2, 2005)

Don't be offended but your post sounds like a depressed person. At 20, you don't have the experience to moods ebb and flow. Not that things always are perfect but sometimes one has to push past it. Siutations do and often change.

It's near finals (at least for me). Are you sure the pressure isn't getting to you. 

Maybe you should volunteer, keep busy, do something. I find I get less depressed when I have many things on my plate and go out.


----------



## BBWMoon (Dec 2, 2005)

I'm very sorry to hear that you feel so sad.

I don't know if it has anything to do with the holidays, but just remember that
many people feel overwhelmed during this time of year.

If I could, I would give you a comforting hug.
Please work through this, and focus on being positive.

I'm here, if you need an ear.


----------



## BBW Betty (Dec 2, 2005)

I wish I knew what to say here. I think Miss Toodles and Jay offer some great insights and advice. Finals are a tough time, coupled with the trouble some people have around the holidays.

It sucks to feel mediocre. I truly believe every person has something special to offer the world. At 20, you may not have discovered all your strength and talents yet. Sharing them with someone--volunteering, or whatever--certainly can help many people find good things in life.

Hang in there. 

Betty


----------



## LillyBBBW (Dec 2, 2005)

Don't know if this will help, but my granny always equated times like this to outgrowing old clothes. You get to a point in life where you outgrow your old dreams, expectations or circumstances - and where it is no longer suitable to the person you've become or are becoming and you're still trying to squeeze into it. Instead of looking at it as a let down on life, look at it as an opportunity to do a little life shopping. Go through your 'closet' and take inventory of the things that are good, toss the stuff that's crap and make room for something new to come into your life. Then you can start asking yourself some tough questions on what is it _really_ that makes you happy. Do you want to travel? Maybe you want to learn to play the guitar. Maybe you want to go to bartending school, learn to speak a new language fluently or learn to drive a diesel rig cross country. Don't be afraid to make an ass of yourself. Don't be afraid if people don't agree. You are the one who has to live with your decisions, they don't. 

I hope things do lighten up a bit for you soon.


----------



## loves2laugh (Dec 2, 2005)

oh waiting what is triggering these feelings? dont say fuck it. there is always hope for better things to come. 
when i go into depression i try to figure out what happened to start it, sometime i can figure it out most times i cant but i always go to God. i am not preaching just telling you how i handle it. i tell Him, thats right i do not ask i tell mainly because i just dont feel like being polite in those situations, i tell Him to reveal to me what is making me feel like that and to remove it from me. noone else is going to be a savior to me and after i realized that God was really the only person who coud help me with any real results, i slowly became less disappointed with people and found that the depressions were much easier to handle and with God i got through them faster.
anyway that is my two cents. i have an email on my profile if you want to let off some steam privately. i will be keeping you in prayer.

ingrid


----------



## swamptoad (Dec 2, 2005)

As for me, when anything gets me down and in a funk. I usually play the piano or guitar. Sometimes I draw nature for hours. 

You can read humor from the section of your local bookstore

There's a great humor book called "You are Worthless" by a self-help guru ---- I don't knw if somebody stole that book from me or that I maybe I had lost it...but I brought that book with me a lot of different places...including work..and it seemed to put a smile on a lot of different people. There's nuggets of wisdom in this humorous perspective type book.

Another great book I've read is "All I Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten" by Robert Fulgum *very inspiring book to read* with many, many short chapters to read that'll really make you think.

We all have what works for us. Different outlets, persay. We just have to figure out what they are. Mine are the musical outlets...or I busy myself in doing for others. Remembers there is nothing mediocre in just doing the simplest things each and everyday for people. Smiling at strangers, holding the door for somebody, putting your change in the change cup of a local convenient store, just basically going out of your way for other people. 

I think that its best to do for yourself and other people...stay sociable.

Also learn about any history of depression in your family...to look at the big picture....because I ponder whether I will become apt to depression as I grow older for knowing that my Mom as of right now is taking medication to ease her depression  It's best not to dwell and to just --> Don't worry, be happy (Bobby McFerrin) lol

Remember that this is a community where we care for each other.

PM anytime too, okay?


----------



## fatlane (Dec 2, 2005)

Depression. Right.

First, clinical depression is a product of mixed-up brain chemistry, a shortage of serotonin figuring chiefly in there. The receptors in charge of handling emotion get everything messed up and come up with "sad as hell" for most things. If you're aware that it's a brain messed up and not reality, you can begin to cope.

Next, it's a self-centered illness. Part of the cure is a talking cure, in reaching out. Another part of the cure is involvement in the world. Do nice things. If you feel like crap and that you're not making a difference, go make someone smile and realize that, yes, you did make a difference. More difference than anyone else in that person's life who's on television, radio, or a leader of a great and powerful nation. Those people aren't _there_ for that person. You can be. That's the difference. That's the value to experience. Don't question, "Well, what if that person feels poorly later on?" Of course that happens. You go back and help spread the cheer - and accept it when others spread it to you. 

Depression is a selfish disease and part of the cure is allowing involvement, accepting involvement. What the hell is mediocrity, anyway? Who are you to say what the world needs? If you haven't checked with everyone before you check out to get their permission, then stick around in the life hotel until you're evicted.

It's up to you to decide if you want to be better or not. You can make that choice and you can control the emotions.

I speak from long, hard experience. Diagnosed for 8 years, but living with it for over 20.


----------



## Obesus (Dec 2, 2005)

..by Andrew Solomon, called "The Noonday Demon"...an atlas of depression

http://www.noondaydemon.com/

I heard about it when I was in a psych class over at Frisco City College..it is one of the best books written by anyone with major depression because he not only captures it so beautifully, but he has great insight into it. I know from working in the mental health field that meds can take years to really work and it is something that you have to just keep on adjusting. I started talking neurontin for back pain but noticed that it helped me with my moods after a major illness...it just took a long time!


----------



## Boteroesque Babe (Dec 2, 2005)

If you're under a doctor's care, I'm going to assume you've got the possible organics of the problem in check, or are at least working on it. But situationally, stress at this time of year can easily reach critical levels, and no one is immune to the associated depression. Asking for advice is good, and mine is that you keep sight of the big picture, focus on helping others, and remain hopeful about the future. This can be done even while accepting that today sucks. 

At your age, you can be assured your life will change drastically, perhaps many times. That alone is reason to be hopeful.

Here's something that always helps me:

"It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: 'And this, too, shall pass away.' How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!"

~ Abraham Lincoln in an 1859 address

You'll be in my thoughts today, WFS.


----------



## Durin (Dec 2, 2005)

"Shared Joy is increased, Shared sorrow diminished." Spider Robinson

Know that between all these 00010101010101000 we are sending love your way. You will make it through this tunnel.


----------



## saucywench (Dec 2, 2005)

I could write a lot on this, and I may return later to do so, but, for the time being, take a look at this--you're in good company:
*Famous People Who Have Suffered from Depression or Manic-Depression*

*Depression and Bipolar list: These famous authors, scientists, leaders, artists, and celebrities all have been reported as having depressive mood disorders such as major depression or manic-depression (bipolar disorder). The list makes no distinction for individuals suffering from major depression or bipolar manic-depression.*

Alvin Ailey, dancer and choreographer
Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin, astronaut
Louie Anderson, comedian, actor
Ann-Margaret, actress
Diane Arbus, photographer
Lionel Aldridge, football player
Alexander the Great, king
Hans Christian Anderson, author
Tai Babilonia, figureskater
Oksana Baiul, figureskater
Honore de Balzac, writer
Samuel Barber, classical composer
Roseanne Barr, actress
Drew Barrymore, actress
James M. Barrie, writer
Rona Barrett, columnist
Charles Baudelaire, poet
Shelley Beattie, athlete and artist
Ned Beatty, actor
Samuel Becket, writer
Ludwig von Beethoven, composer
Menachem Begin, Prime Minister of Israel
Brendan Behan, poet
Irving Berlin, composer
Hector Berlioz, composer
John Berryman, poet
William Blake, poet
Charles Bluhdorn, executive, Gulf Western
Napoleon Bonaparte, emperor
Kjell Magne Bondevik, Prime Minister of Norway
Robert Boorstin, writer, special assistant to Pres. Clinton, State Department
Clara Bow, actor
Tommy Boyce, musician, composer
Cheyenne Brando, actor
Marlon Brando, actor
Richard Brautigan, writer
Van Wyck Brooks, writer
John Brown, abolitionist
Ruth Brown, singer
Anton Bruckner, composer
Art Buchwald, political humorist
John Bunyan, writer
Robert Burns, poet
Robert Burton, writer
Tim Burton, artist, movie director
Willie Burton, basketball player
Barbara Bush, former First Lady
Lord Byron, poet
Helen Caldicott, activist, writer
Donald Cammell, movie director, screenwriter
Robert Campeau, Canadian businessman
Albert Camus, writer
Truman Capote, writer
Drew Carey, actor and comedian
Jim Carrey, actor and comedian
Dick Cavett, broadcaster
C.E. Chaffin, writer, poet
Ray Charles, R&B performer
Thomas Chatterton, poet
Paddy Chayefsky, writer, movie director
Lawton Chiles, former governor of Florida
Frederic Chopin, composer
Winston Churchill, British prime minister
Sandra Cisneros, writer
Eric Clapton, blues-rock musician
Dick Clark, entertainer (American Bandstand)
John Cleese, actor
Rosemary Clooney, singer
Kurt Cobain, rock star
Tyrus Cobb, athlete
Leonard Cohen, poet and singer
Natalie Cole, singer
Garnet Coleman, Texas legislator
Samuel Coleridge, poet
Judy Collins, musician, writer
Shawn Colvin, musician
Jeff Conaway, actor
Joseph Conrad, author
Pat Conroy, writer
Calvin Coolidge, U.S. president
Francis Ford Coppola, director
Billy Corgan, musician
Patricia Cornwell, writer
Noel Coward, composer
William Cowper, poet
Hart Crane, writer
Oliver Cromwell, dictator
Kathy Cronkite, writer
Dennis Crosby, actor
Sheryl Crow, singer and rock musician
Richard Dadd, artist
John Daly, athlete (golf)
Rodney Dangerfield, comedian
Charles Darwin, explorer and scientist
David, Israeli King
Ray Davies, musician
Thomas De Quincey, poet
Lenny Dee, musician
Sandra Dee, actor
Ellen DeGeneres, comedienne, actor
John Denver, singer and actor
Muffin Spencer Devlin, pro golfer
Diana, Princess of Wales
Paolo DiCanio, athlete (soccer)
Charles Dickens, writer
Emily Dickenson, poet
Isak Dinesen, author
Scott Donie, Olympic athlete (diving)
Terence Donovan, photographer
Michael Dorris, writer
Theodore Dostoevski, writer
Eric Douglas, actor
Tony Dow, actor, producer, director
Richard Dreyfuss, actor
Jack Dreyfus, manager, Dreyfus Fund
Kitty Dukakis, former First Lady, Mass.
Patty Duke, actress
Thomas Eagleton, lawyer, U.S. Senator
Thomas Eakins, artist
Thomas Edison, inventor
Edward Elgar, composer
T.S. Eliot, poet
Queen Elizabeth I of England
Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer
Robert Evans, film producer
James Farmer, civil rights leader
Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television
William Faulkner, writer
Jules Feiffer, cartoonist and satirist
Tim Finn, musician, composer
Carrie Fisher, actress and writer
F. Scott Fitzgerald, writer
Larry Flynt, magazine publisher
Betty Ford, former First Lady
Harrison Ford, actor
James Forrestal, cabinet member
Steven Foster, writer
Michel Foucault, writer, philosopher
George Fox, Quaker
Connie Francis, entertainer
Andre Franquin, 1924-1997, cartoonist
Albert French, writer
Sigmund Freud, psychiatrist
Brenda Fricker, actress
Peter Gabriel, rock star
John Kenneth Galbraith, economist
Judy Garland, singer, actor
James Garner, actor
Paul Gascoigne, athlete (soccer)
Paul Gauguin, artist
Harold Geneen, executive, ITT Industries
King George III of England
Stan Getz, musician
Kaye Gibbons, writer
Kendall Gill, athlete (basketball)
Kit Gingrich, Newt's mother
Johann Goethe, writer
Oliver Goldsmith, poet
Dwight Gooden, baseball player
George Gordon, poet
Tipper Gore, wife of U.S. Vice-President
Arshille Gorky, artist
Francisco de Goya, painter
Phil Graham, owner, Washington Post
Graham Green, writer
Shecky Greene, comedian
Philip Guston, artist
Alexander Hamilton, politician
Linda Hamilton, actress
Georg Frederich Handel, composer
Pete Harnisch, baseball player
Mariette Hartley, actress
Juliana Hatfield, musician
Hampton Hawes, musician
Stephen Hawking, physicist
Nathaniel Hawthorne, writer
Lillian Hellman, writer
Ernest Hemingway, writer
Margaux Hemingway, actor
Audrey Hepburn, actress
King Herod, Biblical figure
Kristin Hersh, musician
Hermann Hesse, writer
Abby Hoffman, writer and activist
Sir Anthony Hopkins, actor
Gerard M. Hopkins, poet
Edward Hopper, artist
Howard Hughes, industrialist
Victor Hugo, author
Helen Hutchison, broadcaster
Heinrich Ibsen, playwright
Jack Irons, musician
Eugene Izzi, writer
Andrew Jackson, U.S. President
Janet Jackson, singer
Henry James, writer
William James, writer
Kay Redfield Jamison, psychologist, writer
Randall Jarrell, poet
Thomas Jefferson, U.S. President
Jim Jenson, CBS News
Jeremiah, Biblical figure
Joan of Arc, French leader
Job, Biblical figure
Billy Joel, musician, composer
Elton John, musician, composer
Daniel Johns, musician
Samuel Johnson, poet
Daniel Johnston, musician
Ashley Judd, actor
Franz Kafka, writer
Karen Kain, prima ballerina
Danny Kaye, entertainer
John Keats, writer
Margot Kidder, actress
Larry King, talkshow host
Ernst Ludwig Kirchner, artist
Gelsey Kirkland, dancer
Heinrich von Kleist, poet
Percy Knauth, journalist
Joey Kramer, musician
William Kurelek, artist
Pat LaFontaine, hockey player
Charles Lamb, poet
Jessica Lange, actor
Peter Nolan Lawrence, English writer
Edward Lear, artist
Frances Lear, publisher
Robert E. Lee, U.S. general
Vivian Leigh, actress
John Lennon, musician
Rika Lesser, writer, translator
Primo Levi, chemist, writer
Bill Lichtenstein, producer (TV & radio)
Allie Light, director
Abraham Lincoln, U.S. President
Vachel Lindsey, writer
Karl Paul Link, chemist
Ross Lockridge, Jr., writer
Joshua Logan, producer
Jack London, writer
Rick London, cartoonist
Greg Louganis, U.S. diver and Olympic gold medallist
Courtney Love, musician
James Russell Lowell, poet
Robert Lowell, poet
Malcolm Lowry, writer
J. Anthony Lukas, writer
Salvador Luria, bacterial geneticist
Martin Luther, Protestant leader

(continued in another post)


----------



## saucywench (Dec 2, 2005)

Gustav Mahler, composer
Duke of Marlborough, soldier
Elizabeth Manley, Canadian figureskater
Camryn Mannheim, actor
Martha Manning, psychologist, writer
Imelda Marcos, Philippine dictator's wife
Jay Marvin, radio personality, writer
Vladimir Mayakovsky, poet
Gary McDonald, Australian actor
Kevin McDonald, comedian, actor
Robert McFarlane, former United States National Security Adviser
Rod McKuen, writer, poet, producer
Sarah McLachlan, singer, Lilith Fair creator
Kristy McNichol, actress
Peter McWilliams, writer
Herman Melville, writer
Burgess Meredith, actor
Robert Merrill, musician, lyricist
Paul Merton, British comedian
Michelangelo, Italian artist
Dimitri Mihalas, scientist
Kate Millett, writer, artist
Spike Milligan, comic actor, writer
Carmen Miranda, actor
Claude Monet, artist
Thelonious Monk, musician
Marilyn Monroe, actor
Alanis Morissette, Canadian singer
S.P. Morrissey, musician
John Mulheren, financier (U.S.)
Edvard Munch, artist
Robert Munsch, writer
Les Murray, Australian poet
Conrad Meyer, writer
Michelangelo, artist
John Stuart Mill, writer
Edna St. Vincent Millay, poet
Kate Millet, writer and feminist
Spike Milligan, humourist
John Milton, poet
Charles Mingus, compser
Carmen Miranda, singer
Marilyn Monroe, actress
Mavor Moore, producer
J.P. Morgan, industrialist
Modest Mussogorgsky, composer
Benito Mussolini, Italian dictator
Ilie Natase, tennis player, politician
Ralph Nader, U.S. consumer rights advocate
Nebuchadnezzar, Biblical figure
Sir Isaac Newton, physicist
Florence Nightingale, British nurse
Vaslav Nijinksy, ballet dancer
Richard Nixon, U.S. president
Deborah Norville, television journalist
Sinead O'Connor, musician
Georgia O'Keeffe, painter
Eugene O'Neill, playwright
John Ogden, pianist
Laurence Olivier, actor
Margo Orum, writer
Ozzie Osborne, rock star
Donny Osmond, musician
Marie Osmond, musician
Wilfred Owen, poet, soldier
Nicola Pagett, actor
Susan Panico, business executive
Charles Parker, compoer
Dorothy Parker, writer, poet, wit
Dolly Parton, singer
Boris Pasternak, writer
John Pastorius, composer
George Patton, soldier
Pierre Peladeau, publisher
Charley Pell, former coach, Univ. of Florida
Teddy Pendergrass, musician
Walker Percy, writer
Murray Pezim, Canadian businessman
Jimmie Piersall, baseball player
William Pitt, Prime Minister
Sylvia Plath, poet
Edgar Allen Poe, writer
Jackson Pollock, artist
Cole Porter, composer
Ezra Pound, poet
Alma Powell, wife of Gen. Colin Powell
Susan Powter, motivational speaker
Charlie Pride, country singer
Sergey Rachmaninoff, composer
Bonnie Raitt, singer
Mac Rebennack (Dr. John), musician
Lou Reed, singer
Jeannie C. Riley, singer
Rainer Maria Rilke, poet
Joan Rivers, comedian
Lynn Rivers, U.S. Congresswoman
Alys Robi, Canadian vocalist
Norman Rockwell, artist
Theodore Roethke, poet
George Romney, artist
Theodore Roosevelt, U.S. President
Axl Rose, rock star
Roseanne, actor, writer, comedienne
Amelia Rosselli, 1930-1996, poet
Dante Rossetti, poet and painter
Gioacchimo Rossini, composer
Martin Rossiter, musician
Philip Roth, writer
Mark Rothko, artist
Gabrielle Roy, author
John Ruskin, writer
Winona Ryder, actor
Yves Saint Laurent, fashion designer
May Sarton, poet, novelist
Francesco Scavullo, artist, photographer
Lori Schiller, writer, educator
Charles Schulz, cartoonist (Peanuts)
Robert Schumann, German composer
Delmore Schwartz, poet
Ronnie Scott, musician
Alexander Scriabin, composer
Jean Seberg, actress
Monica Seles, athlete (tennis)
Anne Sexton, poet
Linda Sexton, writer
Mary Shelley, author
Percy Bysshe Shelley, poet
William Tecumseh Sherman, general
Frances Sherwood, writer
Dmitri Shostakovich, musician
Scott Simmie, writer, journalist
Paul Simon, composer, musician
Lauren Slater, writer
Christopher Smart, poet
Jose Solano, actor
Phil Specter, promoter and producer
Alonzo Spellman, athlete (football)
Muffin Spencer-Devlin, pro golfer
Vivian Stanshall, musician, writer, artist
Rod Steiger, actor
George Stephanopoulos, political advisor
Robert Louis Stevenson, writer
Sting, singer and musician
Teresa Stratas, opera singer
Darryl Strawberry, baseball player
William Styron, writer
Emmanuel Swedenbourg, religious leader
James Taylor, singer and musician
Kate Taylor, musician
Lili Taylor, actor
Livingston Taylor, musician
P.I. Tchaikovsky, composer
Alfred, Lord Tennyson, poet
Tracy Thompson, writer, reporter
Dylan Thomas, poet
Edward Thomas, poet
Leo Tolstoy, writer
Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, artist
Spencer Tracy, actor
Ted Turner, founder, CNN Network
Mark Twain, author
Hunter Tylo, actress
Mike Tyson, prizefighter
Jean-Claude Van Damme, actor
Vincent Van Gogh, artist
Vivian Vance, actor
Victoria, British Queen
Mark Vonnegut, doctor, writer
Kurt Vonnegut, writer
Sol Wachtler, judge
Tom Waits, musician
Mike Wallace, broadcaster
Michael Warren, executive, Canada Post
George Washington, U.S. President
Damon Wayans, comedian, actor, writer, director, producer
Walt Whitman, poet
Dar Williams, musician
Robin Williams, actor
Tennessee Williams, playwright
Brian Wilson, rockstar (Beach Boys)
William Carlos Williams, physician, writer
Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous
Jonathan Winters, comedian
Hugo Wolf, composer
Thomas Wolfe, writer
Mary Wollstoncraft, writer
Ed Wood, movie director
Natalie Wood, actor
Virginia Woolf, writer
Luther Wright, basketball player
Elizabeth Wurtzel, writer
Tammy Wynette, singer
Bert Yancey, pro golfer
Boris Yeltsin, former President, Russia
Faron Young, musician
Robert Young, actor
William Zeckendorf, industrialist
Emile Zola, writer
Stefan Zweig, poet

*Sources:*
Mood Disorders Association of Manitoba, _What Do All These Famous People Have in Common? _(poster), August 1999 
Celebrity Meltdown, _Psychology Today_, December 1999, pp. 46-49,70,78
Ikelman, Joy. Famous (Living) People Who Have Experienced Depression or Manic Depression, http://www.frii.com/~parrot/living.html
Ikelman, Joy. People of the 20th Century Who Had Depression or Manic Depression, http://www.frii.com/~parrot/dead.html

Link: http://www.geocities.com/coverbridge2k/artsci/famous_people_depression.html


----------



## swamptoad (Dec 2, 2005)

awesome list there saucywench!


----------



## Miss Vickie (Dec 2, 2005)

I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you are. You've gotten some incredible advice, so I don't really have anything to add, other than that reaching out here is a positive sign. It tells me that on some level you really DO care, which is good. This is a hard time of the year for a lot of people; it really does seem to magnify whatever depression or sadness or angst that we're feeling already. It can feel insurmountable, but it's not.

I know you're on medication, but you know, sometimes they need tweaking. So while I'm not saying "Call your doctor", I really think it would be a good idea to consider it. Sometimes a small adjustment in dosage can make a huge difference. 

There is always hope. Always. And you're anything BUT mediocre. But hey, even if you were, so what? As you say, the world is full of us, and I think we keep the world going. We can't all be rock stars, after all.

Please hang in there. You have lots of people here who care, given the responses that you've gotten.


----------



## AnnMarie (Dec 2, 2005)

Having recently lost one of our young forum members to suicide, this strikes me particularly hard now. I think the advice offered is all the best, and that you're already involved with a professional in some way is encouraging. 

I think you'll find that better days are ahead, as cliche as it is to say. They won't all be the best, but every new one brings different challenges, and that's part of the puzzle of life. 

Joshua, I'll echo what Jay said, but with an ammendment - it's not just _most_ of the best years of your life that are ahead of you, it's THE best to come. Trust me on this.


----------



## Webmaster (Dec 2, 2005)

waitingforsuperman said:


> fuck it. i'm really messed up right now.
> 
> i was going to pretend to start a discussion on the topic, but instead, i'm just confessing that this is where i am right now. it never gets any fucking better. i'm sick and tired of it.


 
Amazingly, it does get better, but often it takes time. Time heals almost everything, but it's hard to have patience for that healing to arrive when you feel at your lowest. 

I don't believe much in psychopharmaceutica. Yes, it works to some extent, but it always has side effects. And some are not fun. 

A few years ago I felt awfully depressed and ended up taking a class at Kaiser. I don't believe in that either, and actually had no use for the "search for what your problem is, then see how you can overcome it" approach the class suggested. That's because I did not have an identifyable problem, I just felt awfully depressed. 

A good thing came out of the class, though. Somehow physical exercise was suggested as something that often helps alleviate depression. So I took up running and have faithfully done it for the past four years. I have a two-mile uphill/downhill/uphill course that I run every other morning, come hell or high water. It actually worked. Depression dissappeared, and as a side benefit, both my lung capacity and cardiovascular system test 10-15 years younger than my phyical age.


----------



## saucywench (Dec 2, 2005)

.......................


----------



## Totmacher (Dec 2, 2005)

I'm dying to know what set you off. I see a lot of people giving you a lot've advice all with the best of intentions. You can atleast take some solace in knowing you've got a decent support system. 
I wouldn't totally discount the pills if I were you. From what I've heard if you have problems like this you should look into changing your meds. Did they ever work at all? From what I've seen the idea isn't to fix everything, just to give you some respite so you can regroup and get to work on what's important.
Here are some suggestions. Like Conrad said, exercise really works. I think of it as an endorphine thing: It's like cutting, but a lot more cost effective and less painful. I had a friend who used to eat a couple pounds of chocolate when he felt depressed. He's still a bit of a headcase, but he seems to be content. You could also wait a week. If this was sudden maybe you're a rapid shift, and if you are it'll all be over pretty soon and you can work on making sure it never happens again.


----------



## Obesus (Dec 2, 2005)

May the Force be with our friend, Waiting for Superman! (I hate Star Wars, but if the name fits, wear it! I also wear 15th Century monk's apparel which just deepens the whole thing into absurdity....) 





saucywench said:


> That is a great book, Obe (Obe Wan?) I bought it a few years back when I was going through my utter depths. I found odd comfort in the fact that this guy had such debilitating depression, it made mine pale in comparison--and mine was pretty severe.


----------



## Obesus (Dec 2, 2005)

...had to keep trying various combinations of meds with her Psychiatrist for over five years...but we hung in there and she is now the "Poster Child" for living with BPD!:bow: 




Totmacher said:


> I'm dying to know what set you off. I see a lot of people giving you a lot've advice all with the best of intentions. You can atleast take some solace in knowing you've got a decent support system.
> I wouldn't totally discount the pills if I were you. From what I've heard if you have problems like this you should look into changing your meds. Did they ever work at all? From what I've seen the idea isn't to fix everything, just to give you some respite so you can regroup and get to work on what's important.
> Here are some suggestions. Like Conrad said, exercise really works. I think of it as an endorphine thing: It's like cutting, but a lot more cost effective and less painful. I had a friend who used to eat a couple pounds of chocolate when he felt depressed. He's still a bit of a headcase, but he seems to be content. You could also wait a week. If this was sudden maybe you're a rapid shift, and if you are it'll all be over pretty soon and you can work on making sure it never happens again.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Dec 2, 2005)

I have one word to contribute:

Welbutrin.

It's really helped me. I've probably been depressed my whole life, but didn't do anything about it until a few years ago. There's no shame in doing somethng about your depression - the real shame come if you do nothing. 

I know this is a rough time of the year - it's rough for everybody. But hang in there, OK?


----------



## blueeyedevie (Dec 3, 2005)

A different approach. Lately it seems like my personal cup is full and running over. Depression surrounds me and for once not of lack of nothing to do. I stay plenty busy, trust me. Holidays, plus a 14 year old around (who isn't even mine, just claims to be) you just don't get much free time. I am bipolar so this adds to the depression. I go threw my mood cycles faster than I ever have before. I feel lonely and worthless. When we all loss Derek, In many ways it hit me as a very cruel joke. As he was a very good friend, I admired him most of all for his quality of life *as I like to call it*. He seemed to have it all in the eyes of someone looking in from afar, knowledge, education, friends, family, love, and happiness. I wished for many weeks maybe even now I could have given my life. My worthless life for the life of someone that had quality in theirs. 

Now sit and think about the fact of what makes the quality of life? The fine list of stars that suffer depression proves that fame and money doesn't bring quality. SO just what does?

I don't think it is any thing any one can do exactly, it isn't something you can prepare for or against. It is something your going to have to be willing to survive threw. If your not willing to survive threw all the ups and downs waiting for the better days. The quality every one is so after will never exist. 

I feel your pain, suicide and depression haunts me ever day. I have lost friends threw the years, and have friends that have lost love ones. I have had to fight knives from my own mothers hands at the age of nine not understanding just knowing something wasn't right. I have fought against suicide personalty since I was 12 years old. Even thought it has been shaky. I am still tugging threw. Depression is something you fight. Suicide is something you survive. 
This may not make any since, except to those that are *attempters* to those I believe it will make perfect since. God be with you. HUGS.


----------



## BBW Betty (Dec 3, 2005)

The meds may need "tweaking" from time to time. Many of my former students had a variety of diagnoses, everything from ADD/ ADHD to depression to schizo-affective tendencies. Meds that helped keep them stable for months at a time would suddenly be more or less effective, or side effects could lessen or increase. Please consider this option. I've seen how a minor dosage difference can make a huge impact. Many things can affect this, including hormonal changes or a "triggering" event.

I know meds aren't the magic answer, but sometimes they can be a big help with the right dosage and /or combination until you can take back more control.

Just please don't give up. Everyone has something to offer the world, and that includes you.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Dec 3, 2005)

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> I have one word to contribute:
> 
> Welbutrin.
> 
> ...



I don't have depression but I used WB to quit smoking. It was great!


----------



## Obesus (Dec 3, 2005)

It has been almost two days since Waiting for Superman posted the original message and no update from him since....what worries me is the ambiguity of the original message...when you post about suicide and come up with a reason for commiting it and then deny that you want to do it, that is sending some huge mixed messages...


----------



## swamptoad (Dec 4, 2005)

I sure hope to see a reply from WFS, myself?

Its been quite some time since this thread was started.


----------



## waitingforsuperman (Dec 6, 2005)

hey all.

just so everyone knows, i'm on an ssri as well as anxiety medication. i mean, i've been on them. but they aren't cure-alls. i haven't been on much because i've been floating around, trying to keep from having to sleep in my car. i wouldn't mind that, but in the winter in cleveland, with probably close to six inches of snow outside, it'd be a bitch.

anyway, i'm alive (though not necessarily well). if anyone wants to talk, pm me, and i'll send you my digits, and my aol im name (since i almost never use the waitforsuperman one).


----------



## coyote wild (Dec 6, 2005)

i know you said you weren't going to kill yourself, and i know how aggrivating it can be to still get people saying "don't do it!" after you've explicitly stated that you won't.

with that in mind, take this as a "things will get better" sort of piece. i didn't write it, and granted it was on a comedy site, but it is very insightful and will possibly help you to look forward to the future.

Suicide Guide


----------



## Jane (Dec 6, 2005)

I lost the love of my life to suicide two years ago.

To anyone suffering with depression or anxiety: Get treatment. Talk to a professional. Take medication if necessary.

Rick wasn't (outwardly) depressed. Looking back he was in a manic phase suffering from anxiety. He had some problems to face, and despite all the support in the world, he could not bear the anxiety any longer.

As long as you are alive, it can get better, but his absence nearly took away my sanity.

Okay, I've personalized this enough. WFS, as much as it doesn't seem it at times, people care. We are not alone, and there is a connection among all of us.

Be good to yourself.

And remember, no one solution works for everyone. Keep trying until you find something that works for you.


----------



## BBWMoon (Dec 6, 2005)

Jane said:


> We are not alone, and there is a connection among all of us.



Jane,

What a beautiful and eloquent post. I'm so sorry you've had to suffer such a loss. How ever painful, you chose to share. I admire your wisdom and truth.


----------



## TheMarno (Dec 12, 2005)

I've been going through the same thing for about 4 or 5 years. Sometimes I can end up feeling like everything will be fine and life is great... and other times I don't want to leave my bed. I think its just something I have to live with, I dont know. I really have no words of inspiration, just take don't take the good days for granted and keep your chin up.


----------



## fatlane (Dec 12, 2005)

Well, he got a job. That helps majorly.

How YOU doin', TheMarno?


----------



## Rina (Dec 12, 2005)

I think most people go through states of depression - how can we not? Life is hard, and stressful and frustrating at times... it can also be unfair and challenging and boring etc... My god I have been through some deep depressions that were accompanied by thoughts of suicide. The only thing that helps me is to repeat phrases over and over to myself ' This too shall pass... Life is a roller coaster ride and just as sure as I am down now, I shall be up again... Noone can keep me down... .. and I would say these things obsessively until the grey clouds would pass. I would power talk myself and it really does work.

As for rising above mediocrity - and I can't believe I'm going to recommend a Dr.Phil book - but you should read Self Matters. It is a great book. I also think that seemingly little changes bring about huge results. If you sit in your depression in your apartment, how can it ever change? Take a course, or go to a seminar or answer an ad for a new friend.... you need to change your surroundings and patterns. You will be amazed at what inspiration comes from action....

Rina


----------



## Jane (Dec 13, 2005)

Rina, I think you're exactly right about everyone going through depressions. Geez, if your teenage years aren't manic depression in motion, what was? One moment you're in love with the world. The next everything comes crashing down. 

I'm several years past teen-aged, hell, even my son is 27. I've found that I've become better with time. (Gravity is a different discussion).

Any of us can take a minor depression, start looking at the negative until everything seems dark and foreboding. (I call this phenomenon crawling so far up your butt that all you can see is crap...but I don't phrase it quite so nicely. )

However, the persons who are in a major depression may need help crawling out of the hole they find themselves in. Sometimes friends can provide that help. Other times it takes professional help.


----------



## Jes (Dec 13, 2005)

Jane said:


> Rick wasn't (outwardly) depressed. Looking back he was in a manic phase suffering from anxiety. He had some problems to face, and despite all the support in the world, he could not bear the anxiety any longer.
> 
> .



You know (and I'm sure YOU do), more bipolar people kill themselves during manic phases than depressed ones. That's something not a lot of people realize, I think. 
And certainly, I'm sorry for your loss.


----------



## Jane (Dec 13, 2005)

Didn't then, do now.


----------



## Jes (Dec 13, 2005)

yeah...it seems to go against not only the information that's out there about 'warning signs' but also against our intuition. 

In any case, I think this is a very hard time of year for many people. I wish I could wave a wand and tell everyone a holiday is just another day.


----------



## Single26Female (Dec 14, 2005)

waitingforsuperman said:


> hey all.
> 
> just so everyone knows, i'm on an ssri as well as anxiety medication. i mean, i've been on them. but they aren't cure-alls. i haven't been on much because i've been floating around, trying to keep from having to sleep in my car. i wouldn't mind that, but in the winter in cleveland, with probably close to six inches of snow outside, it'd be a bitch.
> 
> anyway, i'm alive (though not necessarily well). if anyone wants to talk, pm me, and i'll send you my digits, and my aol im name (since i almost never use the waitforsuperman one).




The fact that you came to us for help says a great deal about how much you must care for yourself. Asking for help is arguably one of the most difficult things a person can do in their lives.

I'm not around much to talk, but I'd like to offer you this as an alternative. It's easy and it's something you can do for yourself any time. It's helped me a lot and I think it might work for you.

As you lie down, waiting for sleep, try and picture your perfect day tomorrow. Once you have this "miracle" in mind, try and pinpoint exactly what it is that would let you know that this miracle had happened but...the tricky part...ONLY WITHIN YOU!

That means don't consider outside sources...not your money or your friends...just what inside of yourself would be different IF your life was perfect. Then, try and find ways to be that person outside of a perfect life.

I know it sounds cheesy but I promise it works.

Good luck with things and keep us posted.


----------



## Falling Boy (Dec 15, 2005)

More than likely your meds need to be adjusted or you need to try different ones. I have been diagnosed with depression as well as bi-polar I have had many different stays in the hospital with suicide thoughts as well as one attempt. The right meds and therapy normally work wonders but you have to stay on them. It is a very bad idea to stop taking the meds or skip doses I am not sure if that is what you have done or not. Anyways you really should see someone or go to the hospital or anything if you really want to get better. I was very messed up but now since I have really put forth the effort I am much better and happier.


----------

