# FFA/BHM Relationships



## Cane (Oct 30, 2008)

Just wondering if others have experienced anything like this. I dated my first FFA over a couple months of the summer and things got off to a really intense start. Within a week we had professed love to each other and within two we were calling each other the loves of our lives, telling each other that we plan to spend the rest of our lives together.

But alas, most things that seem too good to be true are, and after only a couple months the relationship was over. I seem to have played the role of the clingy ex for awhile because of it, it's taken me a LOT longer than I would have expected to get over.

It makes me kind of fear getting involved with another FFA... might we mistake lust for love again? It seems like the sexual connection between a BHM and FFA is one to which neither party is already accustomed most of the time, and so it can be easy for things to get too serious too fast amidst the whirlwind of excitement over finally being able to be open about certain tendencies and preferences. 

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing before? An intense immediate attraction due to the BHM/FFA connection that leads to things getting too heavy too quickly and someone getting hurt because of it?


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## rabbitislove (Nov 1, 2008)

Cane,
I definatly experienced this in my last relationship. My ex and I (I call him Chad on this board, because I'm paranoid he'll find Dims someday...) had that, only I was the only one. I had know Chad for a year and a half before we had begun dating, and I had the biggest crush on him. I was friends with his ex-fiancee (I know, bad Rabbit.) and used to watch him sit around in little gym shorts typing on the computer. Plus he seemed from a distance like a sweet caring pro feminist guy (which he is none of the above).

So Chad and I end up together, and I thought I was in love with him, but that "love" was all the lust and fantasies I'd had about Chad. And at first he was my dream man, but soon he drove me crazy with his emotional disattachment and constant criticism. Even though he began doing those things a month into the relationship and I'd get angry, we'd go have sex and I'd think it was okay. The last two months were purely physical. I was heartbroken when he broke up with me and it took me a long time to get over also, because once again I was in love with the idea of Chad I had in my head, and not Chad how he was.

However, I learned from the experience and I think you will too. With my new BHM I was concerned since we had sex nonstop when we first started dating, but when I had to move out of my apartment and back with my parents (and he still lives with his) I knew we had (and have still) a connection deeper than sex. 

My advice is to keep all idealized notions about the person, and move at your own pace when it comes to the physical in a relationship. Move slow and be careful with the L-word. From what it sounds like, you need some space to think and futher understand what you want in a relationship.

Good luck. 

PS: I see your from Niagara Falls? Where did you go to grade school? I'm St. Thomas Moore alum all the way! Go mice!


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## LoveBHMS (Nov 1, 2008)

I don't think this is necessarily particular to BHM/FFA couplings. I think any couple where there is a huge lust factor or an "instant" chemistry can have this problem.

Sex early on can bring out a false sense of closeness, and I think that can easily lead to one or both parties idealizing the other, in other words thinking backwards by starting with "I love this person" and working towards "and therefore s/he must have the following qualities" rather than developing a love or respect for the person _because_ s/he has certain qualities.

I also believe there is some truth to the various theories about the possiblity that one can become addicted to a person or that contact with a particular individual can affect the pleasure sensors in the brain in the same way a drug would. So to a degree, I think applying good qualities to somebody who makes us feel good or who satisfies a sexual/physical need is a normal reaction.

An additional component to the FFA/BHM coupling could be two things. A BHM may have had fewer social/sexual opportunities if he has not encountered an FFA or if his size is not appealing to a large number of females. Also, a BHM might have some social anxiety surrounding his size that might wind up reducing the chances of meeting partners. On the FFA side, a hardcore fetishist might be limitted in her choice of partners if her sexuality is such that she can only be aroused by a man of a certain size. She may also encounter frustration in seeking a partner if her potential mates exhibit social anxiety or decline to make advances towards her.

So, when a BHM and FFA get together, each may be more sexually starved and thus even more vulnerable to succumbing to being overtaken by lust or even just so thrilled and relieved to find a partner that negative qualities can be overlooked because each is aware of the difficulty it took in just finding this ONE situation


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## Cane (Nov 1, 2008)

Wow, those are both awesome replies and very helpful for me putting some perspective into the whole situation. 

Deep down I think I knew there was something blatantly counter-intuitive about dropping the L-bomb insanely early on, but I went with it because it felt good and we both seemed to want to say it all the freaking time. One of my smarter friends remarked to me, "a week and it's love, huh?" and I shrugged and said "well, that seems to be the word we're calling it."

A better 'L' world would have been 'limerence': http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerance 'Love' is probably a word better reserved for that deep kind of mutual respect and care for someone you're talking about, developed _because_ of their respective qualities, and gradually at that.

It's funny though, I already had that stance on relationships and when to drop the L-bomb before I got into this. But somewhere inside me, and I suspect her, there sprung up this willingness to abandon what I knew was logical and reasonable and believe that something more extraordinary was possible; a leap of faith, if you will, that I had so much trouble giving up.

**sighs** Back to the world of commonsense. Sometimes you find yourself abandoning it on the whim of an emotion. But I guess that's what makes us all human.


Thanks a LOT for your well thought out and very helpful replies guys!


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## Tad (Nov 3, 2008)

Not the particular situation you are referring to, but with regards to "love" early on.....

After a month or so of dating, my now wife told me that she loved me. I knew I felt pretty intensely about her, but I'd never been in a long term relationship and was not sure if what I was feeling truly was love or not. So I replied that I knew I had three 'L's going on regarding her: I liked her, I lusted for her, and I longed for her when I wasn't with her. But that I didn't know if this was love yet, and that I wouldn't be sure for some time, and that I wasn't going to say that fourth 'L' word until I was sure. She accepted that quite well, and when I eventually did tell her I loved her, I did so with a lot more confidence that it was in fact love.


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## Cane (Nov 3, 2008)

edx said:


> So I replied that I knew I had three 'L's going on regarding her: I liked her, I lusted for her, and I longed for her when I wasn't with her. But that I didn't know if this was love yet, and that I wouldn't be sure for some time, and that I wasn't going to say that fourth 'L' word until I was sure. She accepted that quite well, and when I eventually did tell her I loved her, I did so with a lot more confidence that it was in fact love.



Awesome. I'm gonna use that some day. Thanks!


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## Melian (Nov 4, 2008)

Just noticed this thread now.....and yeah, the whole lust-or-love issue has come up for me too.

I dated a guy for about 2 years and, although I never explicitly told him that I was an FFA, he had thousands of hints (he read a few *ahem* stories I wrote, I was really gropey of his fattest parts, my feeder tendencies were always obvious, I was never interested in thin guys, etc, so I think he knew). Needless to say, I was quite satisfied with the sexual aspects of this relationship - so much that it took me over 1.5 years to realize that we were totally incompatible. 

However, once the realization hit, it hit HARD. I hated his family, hated his pets, noticed that he wasn't very smart, wasn't interesting, had little ambition, and I finally figured out that I was basically just a trophy to him (I was a bit younger, had nice tits and he took a lot of pleasure in showing me off to his friends, but didn't really give a crap about me). After we broke up, he started mocking me and spreading it to everyone that I had a "fat fetish"...what a great guy! 

So in this case, I was totally blinded by lust. I was only 19 or so, so in my next few relationships I chose the man/woman based on personality traits first - in some cases, I stupidly neglected my FFA side and dated cool, thin people. This was also a mistake and those relationships tanked.

It seems more difficult for someone with a fetish/strong preference to find a partner who meets all their requirements. I wish I had been more active on Dimensions when I was single and looking, because it seems like it may have helped narrow the field a bit. At any rate, I am satisfied now


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## kinkykitten (Nov 4, 2008)

I'm really lucky with this one. My BHM is my soulmate too. We connect at so much more of a deeper level than physical attraction and my preference for fat men, there is a very healthy balance between every aspect. We are due to get married in March. We both truely belive we were made for each other!

I'm greatful and blessed!


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## baron20 (Nov 4, 2008)

I have recently become aware of this phenomenon in my own personal experiances and have come to realize that a large part of the population (including myself) have little to no idea what real love is or how it feels. I have learnt that 3 types of love exist, they have fancy Greek names that I can't remember at the moment, so I'll just list them.

1. Friend love - this is the love you feel for close friends and even family
2. Lust - this one is pretty obvious
3. True love - this is the love you feel with your head and heart, unconditional, life changing, consuming.

Please forgive my crude way of explaining this concept. 

Most relationships can achieve the first two rather quickly, but the complicated part of this is that the feelings that come from the first two are often confused with the 3rd. The couple thinks that they are in love, and one day they could be, but building a realtionship on friendship and good sex is most often a recipe for disaster. True love takes a long time to achieve, like years, not weeks or months. 

Like anything else in life, you cannot go into it half-assed, both parties must be aware of where they are really at in the realtionship, not where they 'feel' they are at. I believe that if a couple can achieve True Love, there will be few if any problems that could tear them apart. 

Knowing all this I have tried to realate it to a BHM / FA relationship. I think this falling hard and fast in love lends itself more to FA's and BHM's because Fat Admiration and Feederism is a sexual fetish. So the 'lust' is much stronger than other realtionships and can mask many of the habits or qualities that would normaly turn a person off of another. That being said, this is certainly not limited to sexual fetishes by any means, lust is lust weather its for big bellies, or big breasts. LOL

So thats my 2 cents, weather I'm wrong or right, its what I believe at this point in my life. 

I would love to hear what others have to say about the subject......


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## Ichida (Nov 4, 2008)

I actually REALLY agree with you on "I think this falling hard and fast in love lends itself more to FA's and BHM's because Fat Admiration and Feederism is a sexual fetish. So the 'lust' is much stronger than other realtionships and can mask many of the habits or qualities that would normaly turn a person off of another". Not nexessarily that it is a sexual fetish alone, but more the reasoning behind it! Good point.

I also think the same thing happens with friend love (have had it happen to me before). Similar interests can create a strong sense of facination that cann past for lust or love.


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## Cane (Nov 4, 2008)

Ichida said:


> I actually REALLY agree with you on "I think this falling hard and fast in love lends itself more to FA's and BHM's because Fat Admiration and Feederism is a sexual fetish. So the 'lust' is much stronger than other realtionships and can mask many of the habits or qualities that would normaly turn a person off of another". Not nexessarily that it is a sexual fetish alone, but more the reasoning behind it! Good point.



Yeah, I second that. It's just too hot, so you can find yourself choosing to ignore otherwise glaring long term compatibility problems without even realizing it. I suspect anyone with a peculiar, hard-to-come-by sexual compatibility could experience this problem.


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## viracocha (Nov 10, 2008)

Cane said:


> Yeah, I second that. It's just too hot, so you can find yourself choosing to ignore otherwise glaring long term compatibility problems without even realizing it. I suspect anyone with a peculiar, hard-to-come-by sexual compatibility could experience this problem.



What else could cause BHMs/FFAs to have bedroom tunnel vision? The degree of lust certainly is something to be considered, but what about the sheer chances of getting a genuine connection and its effects on our decisions?

Personally, I know I rushed into what has now turned into a three year relationship. I chose to overlook characteristics in my guy because he was 1. not only a BHM, but very cute and almost tailored to my preferences; 2. there and interested. At some point for everybody the law of large numbers has to come into effect, there'll be someone at some point. But I'd say that the time is longer for BHMs and FFAs, and is reflected at least to some degree in the crazy hormones that make us say those four little words.


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## shirmack (Nov 10, 2008)

Cane said:


> Just wondering if others have experienced anything like this. I dated my first FFA over a couple months of the summer and things got off to a really intense start. Within a week we had professed love to each other and within two we were calling each other the loves of our lives, telling each other that we plan to spend the rest of our lives together.
> 
> But alas, most things that seem too good to be true are, and after only a couple months the relationship was over. I seem to have played the role of the clingy ex for awhile because of it, it's taken me a LOT longer than I would have expected to get over.
> 
> ...



Recently been here done this... While we never came out and used terms like ffa or what not (I really hate labels and its not something i openly discuss with people) 
She professed her love of my abundant body quite profusely....
Alas she turned out to be a completely fake person... (IE told me she was 24 when she was really 31 and I found out her 14 year old sister was really her daughter and she was on the run from Drug Charges in Maryland.... and to think they say internet people are the weird ones ) She told me she loved me 3 days after we became a "couple" 4 months later it was over. 
Should have seen it coming but it felt so right at the time... Luckily I have a very easy time turning feelings off and becoming numb... Alas I can't lie and say I don't at least somewhat miss her... Plenty of fish though .... and as it was said in the Greatest movie ever made (Clerks 2) "There will always be someone out there thats a better match than the person you are with"
Good luck in your hunt


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