# Fantasy Girl !



## bigsexy920 (Aug 30, 2010)

Not sure where to put this so if it needs to be moved please do so. 

I have recently been dating a bit more in the past several months. I was told by friends I need to stop saying , NO , and give men a chance, so I have. 

There seems to be a theme with most the men that I have seen in that, they view me as a fantasy girl rather than a reality girl. This goes for both FA's and non FA's. I've had non FA men contact me out of "curiosity" of what it would be like to be with a very fat women. And Ive had FA's that contact me and well tell me about what their desires are with a fat women, like how they like really huge asses or bellies or what ever their "thing" is. 

Part of me feels I may be over sensitive to certain behaviors because they are discussed on Dimensions in very heated debates. Who knows!

Sometimes I want to say, make me your reality girl and Ill be your fantasy girl. 

Anyone else feel this way?


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## Jes (Aug 30, 2010)

bigsexy920 said:


> Sometimes I want to say, make me your reality girl and Ill be your fantasy girl.
> 
> ?



Wow, BS920...that was really, really well put. I can't speak to your question very much, and I'm sorry, but I wanted to be sure to compliment you both on the keen observation in your post and the articulate way you communicated it.


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## spiritangel (Aug 30, 2010)

bigsexy920 said:


> Sometimes I want to say, make me your reality girl and Ill be your fantasy girl.
> 
> Anyone else feel this way?




well said and yes absolutely hugs hope you find that guy actually I hope all of us are that lucky ................


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## thirtiesgirl (Aug 30, 2010)

I've never felt like anyone's sexual fantasy, but I have felt like I've been seen as a sexual fetish by many men I've met in the dating scene. That gets old pretty damn quickly. Like you wrote, BigSexy, I don't feel like I'm seen and appreciated for _who I am_, but rather _what I represent_. I'm not seen as human, fallible, intelligent, witty, independent and appreciated for those qualities. I'm objectified as the desire of someone's fetish, and that's nothing to build a relationship on as far as I'm concerned. I don't waste my time with guys who approach me in that way.

For example, any guy who contacts me online and writes all that "you're an angel," "I'll treat you like a princess" b.s. just turns me right off. That tells me they only see me as a fetish and/or want to put me on a pedestal. I'm not some untouchable "goddess" who never has a human desire or makes a human error. And then when I do, the guy can use it as an excuse for why I'm "not the woman he thought I was," since I've fallen off the damn pedestal he chose to put me on in his mind.

I get so tired of this attitude I pick up from so many men that women are these mysterious creatures who are _so different_ from men. We're fetishes or fantasies, or something to be fixed, protected, improved... whatever turns the guy's crank... and we're not seen as real people at all.


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## Webmaster (Aug 30, 2010)

Keep in mind that almost everyone is someone else's fantasy. I'd view that fact simply as a big plus in your journey to find the right person. So it'll be your task to temper the fantasy aspect without being dismissive. The challenge is to proudly own what you have to offer while at the same time communicate that this ain't just a fantasy, it's real, you're real, and hey, is the lucky guy in for a treat, but without putting it on too thick. This can be a fairly long process during which each side will discover that the other is a real person. 

Also, remember that things look different on the male's side. Males are used to females using their sex appeal to get things, and males can be just as allergic to instantly being queried as to their intentions, stability, commitment-mindedness and financial status as women are to being bombarded with physical stuff. Everything is always a two-way street, and something as important as a potentially lifelong relationship requires thought and effort.

Overall, yes, it can be quite a challenge to come across just right, weed out what obviously will never lead to anything, while at the same time not be off-putting or negative. While a good many great relationships "just happen," many others are the result of thinking things through and then start the search with a set of rules in mind and a good sense of how you want to present yourself as a desirable person to know and love.





bigsexy920 said:


> Not sure where to put this so if it needs to be moved please do so.
> 
> I have recently been dating a bit more in the past several months. I was told by friends I need to stop saying , NO , and give men a chance, so I have.
> 
> ...


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 30, 2010)

Webmaster said:


> The challenge is to proudly own what you have to offer while at the same time communicate that this ain't just a fantasy, it's real, you're real, and hey, is the lucky guy in for a treat, but without putting it on too thick.



I think Conrad has a point here: you can start from fantasy and introduce the reality element gently. Consider leaning close to him and whispering in his ear, "I just get so HOT watching a man clean my house!"


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## Carrie (Aug 30, 2010)

I have experienced it too, Berna, and you're right, it can be quite off-putting. The last time I belonged to a dating site, one guy there told me with great enthusiasm, "I've always wanted to meet a SSBBW!!!". And I was like, what am I, a flipping unicorn? And we live in the same general area, so I _know_ I'm not the only superfatty around here, homeskillet. It just made me feel like he viewed me as a novelty, not a person.

Conrad made some good points, but I'll be honest, if someone approaches me and I sense that the novelty of my size is a very big factor in his interest in me, my interest in him goes flying out the window.


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## LovelyLiz (Aug 30, 2010)

I think Carrie's use of the world "novelty" is a good description of the whole thing. Fat people are not amusement park rides offering people a one-time-only interesting and new experience. And in looking for a real relationship, novelty wears off really quickly when it isn't novel anymore.

However, telling the difference between who is looking for what can sometimes be tricky, I think.


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## BeaBea (Aug 30, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Fat people are not amusement park rides offering people a one-time-only interesting and new experience.



That is so right! I'm more than happy to be someones fantasy but I am not looking for someone who is a just a tourist. Dont think you can come and visit, wander round slack jawed seeing the sites and then go back to your safe part of town - as best I end up feeling used and at worst like a circus sideshow. For us to date and for it to be successful for both of us you need to be a permanent resident in FAville. 

Tracey


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## AnnMarie (Aug 30, 2010)

BeaBea said:


> That is so right! I'm more than happy to be someones fantasy but I am not looking for someone who is a just a tourist. Dont think you can come and visit, wander round slack jawed seeing the sites and then go back to your safe part of town - as best I end up feeling used and at worst like a circus sideshow. For us to date and for it to be successful for both of us you need to be a permanent resident in FAville.
> 
> Tracey



Holla. 





I really can't pull that off at all.


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## RJI (Aug 30, 2010)

Damn Internet has ruined dating 

Seriously though I do miss the days of randomly meeting people and finding out about them the old fashioned way and not reading a profile on the web. I find so many people I meet now in public have little communication skills and are much more comfortable behind a computer screen chatting. I am feeling old right about now.


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## HappyFA75 (Aug 30, 2010)

AnnMarie said:


> Holla.



You also must have the same Political beliefs. Elsewise, youll end up fighting.


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## thirtiesgirl (Aug 30, 2010)

Webmaster said:


> Keep in mind that almost everyone is someone else's fantasy. I'd view that fact simply as a big plus in your journey to find the right person. So it'll be your task to temper the fantasy aspect without being dismissive. The challenge is to proudly own what you have to offer while at the same time communicate that this ain't just a fantasy, it's real, you're real, and hey, is the lucky guy in for a treat, but without putting it on too thick. This can be a fairly long process during which each side will discover that the other is a real person.
> 
> Also, remember that things look different on the male's side. Males are used to females using their sex appeal to get things, and males can be just as allergic to instantly being queried as to their intentions, stability, commitment-mindedness and financial status as women are to being bombarded with physical stuff. Everything is always a two-way street, and something as important as a potentially lifelong relationship requires thought and effort.



What I find interesting is that even though I save my questions about a guy's intentions, stability and commitment-mindedness until we've been dating for several months, that still doesn't stop the numbers of men from approaching me online with the fetish or "angel/princess" b.s. Even though I curb my desire to know if he's a guy worth continuing to date in an effort to give him a chance to become more comfortable with me and maybe develop a better idea of how he feels about me, that doesn't seem to curb guys' desire to approach me with objectifying language. 

I mean, how hard is it to actually _read_ a woman's dating profile and maybe ask her some questions based on what you've read? "I noticed you like to dine out. What kind of food do you like?" "I like the jokey Star Wars reference you made in your profile. What other sci-fi movies are you into?" Seriously, how hard is this to do? If I'm making an effort, why shouldn't I hold guys to a higher standard and expect them to also make an effort?


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## CastingPearls (Aug 30, 2010)

I think it's a colossal waste of time to dwell on and analyze an individual's motivation if they rub you the wrong way or you (general you) get some weird vibe. Cut the line and keep swimming. 

I know what you mean, Thirties about the fetishizing. I get a lot of emails, blind IMs and PMs from guys(and some girls) saying, 'you're sexy. Hey, I said you're sexy.' While it can be flattering, when the entire conversation consists of dead air occasionally interspersed with, 'I like fat chicks', and little else, I'm done talking.


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## joswitch (Aug 31, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I think it's a colossal waste of time to dwell on and analyze an individual's motivation if they rub you the wrong way or you (general you) get some weird vibe. *Cut the line and keep swimming. *
> 
> I know what you mean, Thirties about the fetishizing. I get a lot of emails, blind IMs and PMs from guys(and some girls) saying, 'you're sexy. Hey, I said you're sexy.' While it can be flattering, when the entire conversation consists of dead air occasionally interspersed with, 'I like fat chicks', and little else, I'm done talking.



Exactly!^ Brush those losers off!

Sounds like you ladies just get a lot of chancers trying it on.
You are damn right just to tell them NO.


Paralell example - I am in the middle of trying to sell my narrowboat right now...
I'm impatient to go travelling so I bit the bullet and brutally axed the price to insane bargain levels...
Up front and centre on my advert it says:
£9,990 CASH ONLY NO OFFERS.
And yet - I still get idiots calling & emailing, examples:

"Will you accept £7,000?"
_"No. Sorry. Bye."_

"What's your bottom price?"
_"£9,990"_
"Oh, just cos blahblahblahlifestorywoes "
_"If you have £9,990 in cash, great. If not - bye."_


And my favourite moron of the week:
"I don't have any ID to get cash out of my bank but I want to buy your boat...So will you take a banker's cheque? You can wait 4 days for it to clear and then give me the boat..."
_"Any cheque including a banker's draft can be rescinded up to six months later, so - NO."_


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## KHayes666 (Aug 31, 2010)

HappyFA75 said:


> You also must have the same Political beliefs. Elsewise, youll end up fighting.



My g/f is a democrat and i'm a republican....we never fight about politics lol


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## LJ Rock (Aug 31, 2010)

RJI said:


> Damn Internet has ruined dating
> 
> Seriously though I do miss the days of randomly meeting people and finding out about them the old fashioned way and not reading a profile on the web. I find so many people I meet now in public have little communication skills and are much more comfortable behind a computer screen chatting. I am feeling old right about now.



As with most things there are pros and cons to the whole on-line dating experience. I think that for people who are being genuine and are looking for something real, it is easier to cut through the non-sense of going to a bar, randomly picking through who looks attractive (or at least not scary,) talking to them for half an hour before discovering they are a vacuous bore and then moving on to start thess again, hopefully finding someone at least partially interesting before last call. With on line dating profiles it easier, at least on the surface, to find someone who is compatible with your interests and to get right down to the whole "this is who I am - who are YOU?" conversation that is so essential to getting to know someone. 

That is of course if you are fortunate enough to be able to connect with someone who is being as genuine and sincere as you are. 

The downside is that the profile robs us of our humanity. At least in a face-to-face interpersonal setting you are forced to look someone in the eye and acknowledge them as a human being. The web has a tendency to make us all look like "products" which can be tailor-fit and marketed to satisfy someone's every need, fantasy and desire. It is so easy for one to forget there is a flesh-and-blood person with feelings on the other end of the line. For the less refined among us it can lead to very crass language, and a frustrating situation all around for those who are sincere and genuine. 

To the original poster, I guess all I can say is don't loose hope. There are still decent people out there, and it is possible to meet someone special. After all I've been through in my own search - I still believe this to be true!


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## bigsexy920 (Aug 31, 2010)

thanks jes 



Jes said:


> Wow, BS920...that was really, really well put. I can't speak to your question very much, and I'm sorry, but I wanted to be sure to compliment you both on the keen observation in your post and the articulate way you communicated it.


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## bigsexy920 (Aug 31, 2010)

Thanks angel  



spiritangel said:


> well said and yes absolutely hugs hope you find that guy actually I hope all of us are that lucky ................


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## bigsexy920 (Aug 31, 2010)

I totally agree with this - 



thirtiesgirl said:


> For example, any guy who contacts me online and writes all that "you're an angel," "I'll treat you like a princess" b.s. just turns me right off. That tells me they only see me as a fetish and/or want to put me on a pedestal. I'm not some untouchable "goddess" who never has a human desire or makes a human error. And then when I do, the guy can use it as an excuse for why I'm "not the woman he thought I was," since I've fallen off the damn pedestal he chose to put me on in his mind.


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## bigsexy920 (Aug 31, 2010)

First - I have never used my sex appeal to get something from a guy. I just wouldn't know how the hell to make that happen. 

I do ask a guy at some point early on what they are interested in. Some people are looking for something casual and I'm not interested in that and I'm not going to invest my time and emotions into someone that is in no way shape or form interested in a relationship. 

I know not all relationships last for ever but I want someone who is at least considering having a LTR whether it is with me or anyone else. 

As for financial status - its the least important thing to me when I meet a guy. I do like the guy to have a job - and not for financial reasons but more for being productive reasons. 



Webmaster said:


> Also, remember that things look different on the male's side. Males are used to females using their sex appeal to get things, and males can be just as allergic to instantly being queried as to their intentions, stability, commitment-mindedness and financial status as women are to being bombarded with physical stuff. Everything is always a two-way street, and something as important as a potentially lifelong relationship requires thought and effort.


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## bigsexy920 (Aug 31, 2010)

I agree - but I find it hard to meet people - I don't get out to much (which I should change). I have to say I'm a bit on the old fashion side too so it does make things hard. But whats a girl to do.



RJI said:


> Damn Internet has ruined dating
> 
> Seriously though I do miss the days of randomly meeting people and finding out about them the old fashioned way and not reading a profile on the web. I find so many people I meet now in public have little communication skills and are much more comfortable behind a computer screen chatting. I am feeling old right about now.


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## bigsexy920 (Aug 31, 2010)

YESSS SO done with those conversations too. i love the got any more pics - Im like do you want to know my name... :doh:



CastingPearls said:


> I think it's a colossal waste of time to dwell on and analyze an individual's motivation if they rub you the wrong way or you (general you) get some weird vibe. Cut the line and keep swimming.
> 
> I know what you mean, Thirties about the fetishizing. I get a lot of emails, blind IMs and PMs from guys(and some girls) saying, 'you're sexy. Hey, I said you're sexy.' While it can be flattering, when the entire conversation consists of dead air occasionally interspersed with, 'I like fat chicks', and little else, I'm done talking.


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## bigsexy920 (Aug 31, 2010)

Dude - Am i the boat here ? 



joswitch said:


> Exactly!^ Brush those losers off!
> 
> Sounds like you ladies just get a lot of chancers trying it on.
> You are damn right just to tell them NO.
> ...


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## Tracyarts (Sep 1, 2010)

Just a FYI, this kind of thing happens even if you're not "on the market". At least once a month I will get a message on myspace that goes something like this: "You're so beautiful, fat women are so beautiful, your husband is so lucky to have such a beautiful fat woman, I wish I could find a beautiful fat woman of my own." 

And just recently somebody I don't know at all messaged me to tell me how much he loved fat women, how his wife is a fat woman, and then ask why I don't have any full-length photos showing my body in my gallery. 

It's not a dating or single thing. It's an internet thing.


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## thirtiesgirl (Sep 1, 2010)

Tracyarts said:


> Just a FYI, this kind of thing happens even if you're not "on the market". At least once a month I will get a message on myspace that goes something like this: "You're so beautiful, fat women are so beautiful, your husband is so lucky to have such a beautiful fat woman, I wish I could find a beautiful fat woman of my own."
> 
> And just recently somebody I don't know at all messaged me to tell me how much he loved fat women, how his wife is a fat woman, and then ask why I don't have any full-length photos showing my body in my gallery.
> 
> It's not a dating or single thing. It's an internet thing.



Very true. It doesn't happen often with me, but I've occasionally been approached by guys on myspace, which I don't use for dating purposes at all (and in fact rarely use it for anything these days), who are trying to chat me up. There are a lot of guys out there who think just because you're online and you're female, it's ok for them to approach you and let you know they're interested in whatever creepy way they choose. To paraphrase Kate Harding from her Shapely Prose blog: I mean, there you are, _just being a lady at them_ and everything, so of course they're going to talk to you.


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## bigmac (Sep 1, 2010)

BeaBea said:


> That is so right! I'm more than happy to be someones fantasy but I am not looking for someone who is a just a tourist. Dont think you can come and visit, wander round slack jawed seeing the sites and then go back to your safe part of town - as best I end up feeling used and at worst like a circus sideshow. For us to date and for it to be successful for both of us you need to be a permanent resident in FAville.
> 
> Tracey



Lets remember that today's tourist can be tomorrow's resident.

Like young gay guys -- young FAs are under a lot of pressure to conform and often fear coming out. There seems to be a general consensus in the gay community that its best to let people come out at their own speed and on their own timetable. I'm thinking that this is probably the best course of conduct for the BBW/FA community as well.

So lets not be too judgmental regarding guys who are not quite ready to be full-time FAs yet.


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## BeaBea (Sep 1, 2010)

bigmac said:


> Lets remember that today's tourist can be tomorrow's resident.
> 
> Like young gay guys -- young FAs are under a lot of pressure to conform and often fear coming out. There seems to be a general consensus in the gay community that its best to let people come out at their own speed and on their own timetable. I'm thinking that this is probably the best course of conduct for the BBW/FA community as well.
> 
> So lets not be too judgmental regarding guys who are not quite ready to be full-time FAs yet.



This argument has raged here since time immemorial but to give you my own personal view on the subject...

1 - I dont have any choice but to be 'out.' My 'outness' is obvious every time I walk down the street. While I have sympathy for FAs who want to hide their preference I'm not actually afforded the same luxury to choose. Its not a level playing field and there's little valid comparison with someone being gay.

2 - I'll be as judgemental as I like. Unless you believe in arranged marriages being judgemental is the whole point of dating! If a man hasn't got the confidence to be out and proud about his choice in choosing me then he's not good enough for me. We are not a match. We will not live happily ever after. Goodbye, Good Luck, mind the door doesnt you in the ass on your way out. I will happily and swiftly judge an FA in the closet as not being worthy of my romantic and/or sexual attention and your opinion wont change my mind on that score. I'm happy to be as supportive as I can of FAs on their journey but only as friends. As a date - no chance. Man up or move on. 

Tracey


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## Ernest Nagel (Sep 1, 2010)

I think you can probably chalk some of what you're experiencing up to repression, Berna; slingshot effect, as it were. When we're not allowed to give expression to our feelings, especially sexual ones I think there's a tendency to be a little effusive when an opening does present itself (npi). I can tell you from harsh experience of my own that much rarer than a SSBBW is one who's really content with her size. I've been with a number of SS/BBW who simply didn't want the matter broached at all and deeply resented the fact that anyone would be attracted to their size. So perhaps consider that your "novelty" is not primarily physical but just as much or more a function of the fact that you're willing to be attractive _for_ your weight (among other things) not just in spite of it. It's a rarer attitude than you might assume based on Dims and even here I'm not sure it's an honest majority?


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## bigmac (Sep 1, 2010)

BeaBea said:


> 2 - *I'll be as judgemental as I like*. Unless you believe in arranged marriages being judgemental is the whole point of dating! If a man hasn't got the confidence to be out and proud about his choice in choosing me then he's not good enough for me. We are not a match. We will not live happily ever after. Goodbye, Good Luck, mind the door doesnt you in the ass on your way out. I will happily and swiftly judge an FA in the closet as not being worthy of my romantic and/or sexual attention and your opinion wont change my mind on that score. I'm happy to be as supportive as I can of FAs on their journey but only as friends. As a date - no chance. Man up or move on.
> 
> Tracey



Lets hope you never have any issues you need to work through and would like the help with the task.


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## thirtiesgirl (Sep 1, 2010)

bigmac said:


> Lets hope you never have any issues you need to work through and would like the help with the task.



Because _of course_ a woman stating what she wants and expects of the men she dates means she'd _never_ need anyone's help for anything. That's why we make an effort to tell men our expectations, so they'll know that we're nothing but a bunch of emasculating harpies who will never ask a man for anything.


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## bigmac (Sep 1, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Because _of course_ a woman stating what she wants and expects of the men she dates means she'd _never_ need anyone's help for anything. That's why we make an effort to tell men our expectations, so they'll know that we're nothing but a bunch of emasculating harpies who will never ask a man for anything.



I don't think we disagree -- but the world isn't all black and white -- whenever people make what are in effect zero tolerance statements it raises my hackles. To categorically dismiss all guys who aren't 100% out re being an FA seems extreme and somewhat intolerant.

Many guys come out in stages over many years (I'm 46 years old and wasn't fully out until my late 30s). If someone wants to write off a whole group of people that's their prerogative -- it just seems a little extreme and inflexible to me.


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## LordQuas (Sep 2, 2010)

A lot of the behavior you are referring to is far from exclusive to FAs. The internet has a lot of weird and socially maladjusted people regardless of their sexual preferences. Skinny chicks on the net get assaulted by weird dudes just as much as bigger women.


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## LordQuas (Sep 2, 2010)

BeaBea said:


> here's little valid comparison with someone being gay.



I have to strongly disagree with this notion. I have found it to be exactly like being gay except it's much more socially acceptable to make fun of someone for liking big women than it is to make fun of someone for being gay. You say something about a man being gay or a woman being a lesbian at your job and you get fired and possibly sued. Make fun of someone for liking big men or women? It's open season. I have lost friends (well, so-called friends) and to this day my mother still takes shots at me for my preferences. I understand where you are coming from when you say you are unable to hide your body because you are 100% correct. But what about the guy who is in love with his BBW gf and is afraid to introduce her to his family and friends because he knows he will never be looked at the same way again? Why is he so wrong for feeling anxiety over the same standards of society that you must deal with?


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## LovelyLiz (Sep 2, 2010)

LordQuas said:


> I have to strongly disagree with this notion. I have found it to be exactly like being gay except *it's much more socially acceptable to make fun of someone for liking big women than it is to make fun of someone for being gay*. You say something about a man being gay or a woman being a lesbian at your job and you get fired and possibly sued. Make fun of someone for liking big men or women? It's open season. I have lost friends (well, so-called friends) and to this day my mother still takes shots at me for my preferences. I understand where you are coming from when you say you are unable to hide your body because you are 100% correct. But what about the guy who is in love with his BBW gf and is afraid to introduce her to his family and friends because he knows he will never be looked at the same way again? Why is he so wrong for feeling anxiety over the same standards of society that you must deal with?



Regarding the bolded statement, this is entirely context dependent. There are contexts where it would be very acceptable to say negative things about LGBTQ folks, and where saying something bad about FAs/fat people would be highly frowned upon. It really depends on the group of people you're with and to some extent even the region you're in. (I'm not doubting your experience, just saying that it's not universalizable.)


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## BeaBea (Sep 2, 2010)

bigmac said:


> the world isn't all black and white -- whenever people make what are in effect zero tolerance statements it raises my hackles.


Oooh, I'm terrible like that! You want another example? Married men - 100% no. Is that ok with you or am I just being intolerant again? Sorry but theres no wiggle room on that issue either and again, I wont apologise for that. 



bigmac said:


> To categorically dismiss all guys who aren't 100% out re being an FA seems extreme and somewhat intolerant.


To all intents and purposes you CANT date me without being an out and proud FA. If you're not happy to walk down the street holding my hand, sit in a romantic restaurant at a table for two or introduce me to your friends and family as your girl then effectively we wouldn't actually be dating. What are you left with? Watching films at home in private? That's a great, fun night and one of my favourite things to do - but if that ALL a guy wants to do then by my definition we're not dating. And just to clarify - if we're not dating then there's no sex. 



bigmac said:


> Many guys come out in stages over many years (I'm 46 years old and wasn't fully out until my late 30s). If someone wants to write off a whole group of people that's their prerogative -- it just seems a little extreme and inflexible to me.



Thats fine, we're all on our own journey. I dont judge you for taking your time. I wont even judge if you decide to stay in your closet for the rest of your life - and if we're friends I will obviously help you as much as I can. You mention that you didnt come out fully till your late 30's but I'm 43 now. I got this 'intolerant' as you put it by dealing with endless men who said they wanted to date me but actually wanted to come to my house, watch ten minutes of a film and then have sex with me. My own journey to being proud of being an SSBBW means that I dont tolerate that crap any more. I deserve better, and so I DEMAND better.

/emasculating harpy mode 

Tracey


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## Carrie (Sep 2, 2010)

BeaBea said:


> To all intents and purposes you CANT date me without being an out and proud FA. If you're not happy to walk down the street holding my hand, sit in a romantic restaurant at a table for two or introduce me to your friends and family as your girl then effectively we wouldn't actually be dating. What are you left with? Watching films at home in private? That's a great, fun night and one of my favourite things to do - but if that ALL a guy wants to do then by my definition we're not dating. And just to clarify - if we're not dating then there's no sex.


Not just that, but also, I can't imagine how damaging it would be to a relationship if one of the partners is basically ashamed to be seen with the other! How can a relationship possibly grow and bloom if the (F)FA is afraid to be seen in public/let their family and friends know they're dating a fat person? It's incredibly hurtful to the fat person, and makes the relationship profoundly inequitable from the get-go. So yes, I understand that (F)FAs can take some - sometimes even a lot of heat - for their preferences, and I'm not completely unsympathetic. But I can have understanding and some patience for them (depending on the situation/their age & experience, etc.) without subjecting myself to feeling like a second class citizen, something to be hidden away like a dirty little secret. That's why I wouldn't actually date a closeted FA. Talk to, be friendly with, do what I could to encourage him along, sure. But be in an intimate relationship with? No, because that would take a considerable and unfair emotional toll on me.


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## Tau (Sep 2, 2010)

I'm feeling really kind of bitter bout the whole online thing - all that seems to be out there is cowards and losers. I personally am taking an extended - possibly permanent - break from all the boring, disappointing and enraging crap.


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## LordQuas (Sep 2, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Regarding the bolded statement, this is entirely context dependent. There are contexts where it would be very acceptable to say negative things about LGBTQ folks, and where saying something bad about FAs/fat people would be highly frowned upon. It really depends on the group of people you're with and to some extent even the region you're in. (I'm not doubting your experience, just saying that it's not universalizable.)




A fair point


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 2, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I think it's a colossal waste of time to dwell on and analyze an individual's motivation if they rub you the wrong way or you (general you) get some weird vibe. Cut the line and keep swimming.
> 
> I know what you mean, Thirties about the fetishizing. I get a lot of emails, blind IMs and PMs from guys(and some girls) saying, 'you're sexy. Hey, I said you're sexy.' While it can be flattering, when the entire conversation consists of dead air occasionally interspersed with, 'I like fat chicks', and little else, I'm done talking.



Bingo and exactly. My "dating life" became 800x easier when I started doing this. 

Always remember....people are on their "best behavior" when they first approach you. If that first impression stinks, it's only going to get worse.


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## mimosa (Sep 2, 2010)

bigsexy920 said:


> Sometimes I want to say, make me your reality girl and Ill be your fantasy girl.
> 
> Anyone else feel this way?



This is just one of the reasons I say : "Lets just be friends." to most men. It is exactly how I feel as well. I can only be with someone that I am in love with. That's the man that I would show all of fantasy he desires.


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## mimosa (Sep 2, 2010)

Oh yes...me too. I get really bored with that kind of talk. I also get a lot of emails from men saying things like that. It's like they don't have a brain or something. I enjoy a good and real conversation. That's when I know I can be friends with someone. 





CastingPearls said:


> I think it's a colossal waste of time to dwell on and analyze an individual's motivation if they rub you the wrong way or you (general you) get some weird vibe. Cut the line and keep swimming.
> 
> I know what you mean, Thirties about the fetishizing. I get a lot of emails, blind IMs and PMs from guys(and some girls) saying, 'you're sexy. Hey, I said you're sexy.' While it can be flattering, when the entire conversation consists of dead air occasionally interspersed with, 'I like fat chicks', and little else, I'm done talking.


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## LovelyLiz (Sep 2, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Bingo and exactly. My "dating life" became 800x easier when I started doing this.
> 
> Always remember....people are on their "best behavior" when they first approach you. If that first impression stinks, it's only going to get worse.



That is such a good reminder - I really needed that wisdom right now. Thanks, GEF.


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## bigsexy920 (Sep 2, 2010)

I was thinking about this line - I still feel this way 100% - but I think this would sound a little less scary to a potential mate. 

"Treat me like your reality girl and I'll be your fantasy girl."

Less scary, right, and it still feels like you are being true to yourself. 



bigsexy920 said:


> Sometimes I want to say, make me your reality girl and Ill be your fantasy girl.


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## liz (di-va) (Sep 2, 2010)

bigmac said:


> So lets not be too judgmental regarding guys who are not quite ready to be full-time FAs yet.



You are missing the distinction here. 

Of course it's good to encourage people to come out and/or engage with their own sexuality. There is no benefit in not owning your own sexuality/FA-ness or not coming out of closet; no benefit for the fat-admiring person and no benefit for the fat persons they might admire.

But it's not the job of the fat person to do this for the FA. In fact they shouldn't, and in fact, they can't. That DOESN'T mean that people should be mean, it DOESN'T mean that you can harangue people into coming out, it DOESN'T mean that everyone doesn't get sympathy here, it DOESN'T mean people should be perfect or aren't always in the process of growing (hopefully) or don't need help in this life.

But (the point is) we don't all have to date, right?

It's the same as an out/open FA choosing not to date a lovely fat person who nonetheless is full of crippling size-related insecurities. You can't fix that for another person.

There is a greater good. Everyone hopes to be empowered, to learn to expect the best for themselves, to be honest about what they want, to stick up for who they are. We're all trying here--hopefully. These goals ultimately aren't at odds when applied to all populations. But paths there are not the same, and why would they be. (This is why I thought the FA board was a great idea.)


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## RJI (Sep 3, 2010)

bigsexy920 said:


> I was thinking about this line - I still feel this way 100% - but I think this would sound a little less scary to a potential mate.
> 
> "Treat me like your reality girl and I'll be your fantasy girl."
> 
> Less scary, right, and it still feels like you are being true to yourself.





I always thought this was how it used to be. You meet someone and you form a bond/relationship with them and fall in love with their personality and charm. Then after the relationship moved to the next level the fantasy part was just icing on the cake. 
Now I think too many relationships are built on the fantasy and fetish aspect and are doomed to fail because there was never any real connection made before that. 


I personally would not seriously date someone who was openly first into me because of my size because what happens when that novelty wears off?


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## CastingPearls (Sep 3, 2010)

RJI said:


> I always thought this was how it used to be. You meet someone and you form a bond/relationship with them and fall in love with their personality and charm. Then after the relationship moved to the next level the fantasy part was just icing on the cake.
> Now I think too many relationships are built on the fantasy and fetish aspect and are doomed to fail because there was never any real connection made before that.
> 
> 
> I personally would not seriously date someone who was openly first into me because of my size because what happens when that novelty wears off?


I agree with you to a point but there has to be a happy medium because you really can't see a personality from across a room (well. Okay..mine you can..but you know what I mean)..You get to know someone and are attracted to them too. I say it all the time but it bears repeating..I'm into the whole package..heart, mind, body and soul and that person has to be for me too...


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## bigsexy920 (Sep 4, 2010)

YES YES YES 

The whole fantasy/fetish in your face when you first meet someone is a total turn off.



RJI said:


> I always thought this was how it used to be. You meet someone and you form a bond/relationship with them and fall in love with their personality and charm. Then after the relationship moved to the next level the fantasy part was just icing on the cake.
> Now I think too many relationships are built on the fantasy and fetish aspect and are doomed to fail because there was never any real connection made before that.
> 
> 
> I personally would not seriously date someone who was openly first into me because of my size because what happens when that novelty wears off?


----------



## musicman (Sep 4, 2010)

liz (di-va) said:


> Of course it's good to encourage people to come out and/or engage with their own sexuality. There is no benefit in not owning your own sexuality/FA-ness or not coming out of closet; no benefit for the fat-admiring person and no benefit for the fat persons they might admire.
> 
> But it's not the job of the fat person to do this for the FA. In fact they shouldn't, and in fact, they can't. That DOESN'T mean that people should be mean, it DOESN'T mean that you can harangue people into coming out, it DOESN'T mean that everyone doesn't get sympathy here, it DOESN'T mean people should be perfect or aren't always in the process of growing (hopefully) or don't need help in this life.
> 
> ...




Agreed 100%. You point out a perfectly symmetric situation. There is no monopoly on maladjustment here. Both fat people and fat admirers can have issues with self-esteem, insecurity, emotional baggage, etc. No one can totally "fix" these problems in another person. The solution has to come from within that person. There is nothing wrong with "just saying NO" to dating a person who has issues you can't handle.



liz (di-va) said:


> There is a greater good. Everyone hopes to be empowered, to learn to expect the best for themselves, to be honest about what they want, to stick up for who they are. We're all trying here--hopefully. These goals ultimately aren't at odds when applied to all populations. But paths there are not the same, and why would they be. (This is why I thought the FA board was a great idea.)



Those are great words for everyone to keep in mind. I firmly believe that FAs and fat people have a lot more in common than might be apparent from some of the arguments on these boards. If each group can listen and learn from the other, we can all benefit. (If that were not true, I think Dimensions would have died years ago.)


----------



## PeanutsInColor (Sep 5, 2010)

Tau said:


> I'm feeling really kind of bitter bout the whole online thing - all that seems to be out there is cowards and losers. I personally am taking an extended - possibly permanent - break from all the boring, disappointing and enraging crap.



Take care!


----------



## Adrian (Sep 5, 2010)

BeaBea said:


> I'll be as judgemental as I like. Unless you believe in arranged marriages being judgemental is the whole point of dating!


That is just what the dating process is all about... to discriminate against the less desirable and allow the desirable to continue. Hopefully, winding up with 'the one', who fits your needs and wants. The selection process is not the same as being an equal opportunity employer! Being bias is the very means required to make a selection.



BeaBea said:


> Oooh, I'm terrible like that! You want another example? Married men - 100% no. Is that ok with you or am I just being intolerant again?


That is the worst form of discrimination I face on a daily basis! 
My wife is just as intolerant as you are!!!



LordQuas said:


> A lot of the behavior you are referring to is far from exclusive to FAs. The internet has a lot of weird and socially maladjusted people regardless of their sexual preferences. Skinny chicks on the net get assaulted by weird dudes just as much as bigger women.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Unfortunately, the internet provides a very good medium where men (primarily) can be dishonest concerning relationships. Whatever false statements made the chances of being caught in a lie are slim. Even when caught, the person can simply stop using that E-mail address and create another E-mail address.


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 6, 2010)

bigmac said:


> Lets hope you never have any issues you need to work through and would like the help with the task.


 
I think it's too much to expect of anyone -- most particularly, the fat woman that the closeted FA is ashamed of -- to patiently guide and nurture someone through his issues. 

That's what a mommy is for.


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## CastingPearls (Sep 6, 2010)

I think the more self-aware a woman (any woman regardless of size) is, the less inclined she is to tolerate (or entertain) the socially awkward.


----------



## PeanutsInColor (Sep 6, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I think the more self-aware a woman (any woman regardless of size) is, the less inclined she is to tolerate (or entertain) the socially awkward.



"Socially Awkward?"

Explain.


----------



## mossystate (Sep 6, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> That's what a mommy is for.



And even she will roll over at some point and not offer the teat.

Sorry - went to the fair on Friday.


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## Mishty (Sep 6, 2010)

Who wants a man so afraid of what everyone else thinks he can't be honest with anyone, even himself. Either your being yourself or your being fake. So when you say it took you 45.8 years to admit to people... oh I'm sorry um... "come-out" about your desire for fat women/men that kinda means you've spent a huge portion of your life pretending to be something your not.

It's not that big of a deal, it's just a body with extra flesh. that's it. 
It's not accepted? People might laugh at you? HELLO! then your not a FA if you don't understand that is what we as FAT PEOPLE face everyday. Sure wish we could hide in some g'damn closet for most of our adult lives until we're finally okay with liking ourselves and ready for the ridicule and hate. 

Don't be a coward. 

If I'm with a man, he's my protector.( I don't need one, but that's how I was raised. ) I want him there being strong when someone points, or yells or laughs. Not turning red with regret for going to the movies with the woman he "cares" for. He doesn't have to fight or yell or even budge, just be strong, be proud. Is that so much......


Ugh. you bastards ruined my Labor day buzz.....


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 6, 2010)

mossystate said:


> And even she will roll over at some point and not offer the teat.
> 
> Sorry - went to the fair on Friday.


 
I went to the fair on Friday too! I thought about you while I was eating salt and grease and sugar on a stick and then licking it off my fingers. I wonder, did you think of me, when you saw all those pigs rolling around in mud?


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 6, 2010)

PeanutsInColor said:


> "Socially Awkward?"
> 
> Explain.


 
Can't speak for Casting_Pearls (she'd castrate me, if I had a pair), but to me, someone who would expect me to nurture and lovingly guide him out of the closet or away from any of his 'issues' is ... well, yeah. Socially awkward.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 6, 2010)

I don't want something that I already have....









That is all.


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## CastingPearls (Sep 6, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> Can't speak for Casting_Pearls (she'd castrate me, if I had a pair), but to me, someone who would expect me to nurture and lovingly guide him out of the closet or away from any of his 'issues' is ... well, yeah. Socially awkward.


What she said.


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## PeanutsInColor (Sep 6, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> Can't speak for Casting_Pearls (she'd castrate me, if I had a pair), but to me, someone who would expect me to nurture and lovingly guide him out of the closet or away from any of his 'issues' is ... well, yeah. Socially awkward.



Lol. Wink!

GreenEyedFairy refers to the _other_ word for a feline, haha..

I believe you refer to, lets say, Carlos. (Sorry its so small. Thats what she said.)


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## mossystate (Sep 6, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> I went to the fair on Friday too! I thought about you while I was eating salt and grease and sugar on a stick and then licking it off my fingers. I wonder, did you think of me, when you saw all those pigs rolling around in mud?



I thought of you when I saw a sheep being hosed off at the side of one of the animal barns. It was tethered to a railing, it's head barely able to move...it made a lot of noise...a LOT.

I was very upset that I didn't have my camera with me.


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## KHayes666 (Sep 7, 2010)

Mishty said:


> Who wants a man so afraid of what everyone else thinks he can't be honest with anyone, even himself. Either your being yourself or your being fake. So when you say it took you 45.8 years to admit to people... oh I'm sorry um... "come-out" about your desire for fat women/men that kinda means you've spent a huge portion of your life pretending to be something your not.
> 
> It's not that big of a deal, it's just a body with extra flesh. that's it.
> It's not accepted? People might laugh at you? HELLO! then your not a FA if you don't understand that is what we as FAT PEOPLE face everyday. Sure wish we could hide in some g'damn closet for most of our adult lives until we're finally okay with liking ourselves and ready for the ridicule and hate.
> ...



Is there anyone on Dims who fits the image of "red faced coward"?


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## CastingPearls (Sep 7, 2010)

What's the point of whether she's had an experience here on DIMs or out in the big wide world? Obviously she's had those experiences, as have most BBWs who've ever dated and those experiences can't be discounted because she's not naming names. If you have even the most fleeting thought that Dimensions is a bastion of asshole-free fattery, you're delusional.


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## mossystate (Sep 7, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> What's the point of whether she's had an experience here on DIMs or out in the big wide world? Obviously she's had those experiences, as have most BBWs who've ever dated and those experiences can't be discounted because she's not naming names. If you have even the most fleeting thought that Dimensions is a bastion of asshole-free fattery, you're delusional.



^^^^^...this

Or..perhaps the white horse is being brushed at this very moment.


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## HappyFA75 (Sep 7, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> What's the point of whether she's had an experience here on DIMs or out in the big wide world? Obviously she's had those experiences, as have most BBWs who've ever dated and those experiences can't be discounted because she's not naming names. If you have even the most fleeting thought that Dimensions is a bastion of asshole-free fattery, you're delusional.



Who was this referring to?


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## Russ2d (Sep 7, 2010)

BeaBea said:


> That is so right! I'm more than happy to be someones fantasy but I am not looking for someone who is a just a tourist. Dont think you can come and visit, wander round slack jawed seeing the sites and then go back to your safe part of town - as best I end up feeling used and at worst like a circus sideshow. For us to date and for it to be successful for both of us you need to be a permanent resident in FAville.
> 
> Tracey




Very true......


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 7, 2010)

Mishty said:


> It's not that big of a deal, it's just a body with extra flesh. that's it.


 
Helllllllllllooooooooooooooo truth, my love, my life


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## MizzSnakeBite (Sep 7, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> Is there anyone on Dims who fits the image of "red faced coward"?



You've got to be kidding. Please tell me you're kidding.

I, for one, have dated one of these "red faced cowards." They're out there; I promise.



CastingPearls said:


> What's the point of whether she's had an experience here on DIMs or out in the big wide world? Obviously she's had those experiences, as have most BBWs who've ever dated and those experiences can't be discounted because she's not naming names. If you have even the most fleeting thought that Dimensions is a bastion of asshole-free fattery, you're delusional.



A-effing-men :bow:


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## Mishty (Sep 7, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> Is there anyone on Dims who fits the image of "red faced coward"?



MmmmHmmmmm
Let's face it, you are a GREAT FA, I know this from chatting with you and just seeing you around over the years, but you are kinda rare to be honest. The FA that is open and proud is few and far between. Sure even if they attend dozens of bashes and spend tons of time here and learning and helping other people learn, if it's something they hide, something they don't share in their everyday life, that makes you a coward. Anyone can spend a weekend 500 miles away from home at a bash/meet-up squeeze a few bellies, buy a nice SSBBW dinner, hell we all know somebody might be gettin' lucky. (which is part of the whole Fantasy Girl bit, being some horny closeted FA at the Bashes gettin' the booty livin' the dream of fatty goodness for 2 days a month) It's when they go home and continue to date skinny women, denying us our respect and dignity by pushing us back into some closet we never wanted to be in in the first place. 

I'm not gonna name names, 'cause that's not my style, but women talk, and I've heard some horrible shit about the way things are in our Fat World, 
and since I love and adore this world that's my haven, I don't like seeing people hurt or mistreated. That's the bottom line.


----------



## KHayes666 (Sep 7, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> If you have even the most fleeting thought that Dimensions is a bastion of asshole-free fattery, you're delusional.



Considering 75% of "F/A's" I've run into on the internet are sociopathic creeps, I for one am not saying Dimensions is all peace-love-dove.




MizzSnakeBite said:


> You've got to be kidding. Please tell me you're kidding.
> 
> I, for one, have dated one of these "red faced cowards." They're out there; I promise.



I know they're there, I just wanted names lol. I'll explain why after the next quote.




Mishty said:


> MmmmHmmmmm
> Let's face it, you are a GREAT FA, I know this from chatting with you and just seeing you around over the years, but you are kinda rare to be honest. The FA that is open and proud is few and far between. Sure even if they attend dozens of bashes and spend tons of time here and learning and helping other people learn, if it's something they hide, something they don't share in their everyday life, that makes you a coward. Anyone can spend a weekend 500 miles away from home at a bash/meet-up squeeze a few bellies, buy a nice SSBBW dinner, hell we all know somebody might be gettin' lucky. (which is part of the whole Fantasy Girl bit, being some horny closeted FA at the Bashes gettin' the booty livin' the dream of fatty goodness for 2 days a month) It's when they go home and continue to date skinny women, denying us our respect and dignity by pushing us back into some closet we never wanted to be in in the first place.
> 
> I'm not gonna name names, 'cause that's not my style, but women talk, and I've heard some horrible shit about the way things are in our Fat World,
> and since I love and adore this world that's my haven, I don't like seeing people hurt or mistreated. That's the bottom line.



I'm far from a great F/A, but thanks for the compliment. If you think not naming names makes you a better person than you definitely are. If there are these F/A's that are married to thin women and use fat women as their personal toys rather than treat them as human beings, I want names because I'd like to fire them.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Sep 7, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> Considering 75% of "F/A's" I've run into on the internet are sociopathic creeps, I for one am not saying Dimensions is all peace-love-dove.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Sure, we'd all like names so we can stay away from the guys, but you do see the potential problems that would probably happen if names were given, yes? It would be different if you were talking to a friend at a bash/dance, and said, "oh, stay away for so and so," but it's a whole different can of worms when you mention names on the net. For example: the drama surrounding Don't Date Him Fat Girl. 

Even if one was talking to a close friend, and it got out that they mentioned something about ____; there's a good likelihood that the woman would get blasted in some way, even if what she was saying was completely true. It's always a very sticky situation. 

Then add that if names were mentioned here, I'm sure Conrad and the mods wouldn't be too pleased.

There are plenty of single "red faced cowards" out there too.


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 7, 2010)

mossystate said:


> ^^^^^...this
> 
> Or..perhaps the white horse is being brushed at this very moment.


 
Yep. I hear a distinct cantoring, clopping gait. And wait ... was that a whinny we just heard?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 7, 2010)

Meow.


Oh and my virus scan is up to date. It's a feel good day all around now.


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## bmann0413 (Sep 8, 2010)

Hmmm, I would hope that my fantasy girl is in reality. Just a girl who understands me and loves me despite my flaws.


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## KHayes666 (Sep 8, 2010)

bmann0413 said:


> Hmmm, I would hope that my fantasy girl is in reality. Just a girl who understands me and loves me despite my flaws.



If I found someone who fit that description, you can too.


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## Tragdor (Sep 9, 2010)

I once knew a fantasy girl. She was a Drow Ranger who duel wielded longswords. She was a pretty nice, for a girl who doesn't actually exist. 

All joking aside fantasy is always going to be more perfect then reality because fantasy is an abstraction from reality that eliminates all the banalities of actual existence. Treating people as if they were these fantasies can be degrading because you are choosing to ignore the full spectrum of traits that constitutes their identity.


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## Big_Willy_D50 (Sep 9, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I think it's a colossal waste of time to dwell on and analyze an individual's motivation if they rub you the wrong way or you (general you) get some weird vibe. Cut the line and keep swimming.
> 
> I know what you mean, Thirties about the fetishizing. I get a lot of emails, blind IMs and PMs from guys(and some girls) saying, 'you're sexy. Hey, I said you're sexy.' While it can be flattering, when the entire conversation consists of dead air occasionally interspersed with, 'I like fat chicks', and little else, I'm done talking.



I think Casting Pearls is getting to the meat of it. It's a waste of time to analyze motives and it does you no good to cast yourself as a martyr. If guys you are meeting creep you out, tell them to get lost. There will be someone who loves you for the whole you and not just your body or a certain feature of your body. 

Now... having said that, please understand that there are plenty of men who are honestly attracted to fat women because they love your shape and there is nothing wrong with that just like there is nothing wrong with men who are attracted to the girls who are size 0 or 2. To each his own. Just stay away from the creeps.


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## DharmaDave (Sep 9, 2010)

This discussion I think has taken sort of strange turn, at least from own experience of being an "FA". There is a sort of assumption here that being an "FA" is something akin to being gay- that it's a specific kind of sexuality. In my own case, I don't see it like that. As such, I've never been "closeted". Even long before I had ever heard the term FA or BBW in fact. I've had an attraction to larger women and from the time I started dating, I've just tended to date larger women. For me, it was never a deep dark secret that I had to come to terms with and "come out." I just dated the sort of women I was attracted to like I think most people do. The case of the guy not dating someone because they'd be afraid of being seen with a fat chick isn't the same thing as being a closeted gay guy, it's simply being a jerk. To me, it's the same thing as not dating someone who is Jewish because one would be afraid of what others think. So agree with the women who wouldn't date someone who is a secret "FA" because that person is just being a jerk and is probably bot worth your time.


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## Fox (Sep 9, 2010)

I actually get turned on by the thought of being someone's fantasy. That's kind of my thing.


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## Jes (Sep 9, 2010)

LordQuas said:


> Why is he so wrong for feeling anxiety over the same standards of society that you must deal with?



I don't think that feeling anxiety is necessarily a problem or wrong. Human beings tend to feel some level of anxiety about different things. But the point is not to visit that anxiety on anyone else. Don't want to introduce your partner to someone that said partner will (or should) come into contact with? OK. Don't have a partner, then. Not 'til you're* ready to handle it. Never blame someone else for your own problem. That statement goes for all of us. 

Sometimes I feel like this point gets swallowed every time this topic arises. Not everyone will agree with me, but I understand the talk of discomfort, of boundaries, of privacy, of resistance. I also understand how those issues impact the people we are trying to be in relationships with and how hurtful they can be. One need not rub up against the other; we should be honest with ourselves and know what we are, and are not, willing to do for the people we say we love (or lust after, or whatever it may be). Give the other person a(n informed) choice. Let the other person know just what you are bringing to the table. If you're not ready, willing and able to do what that person expects, then don't bother him/her in the first place.


*communal you, not YOU you.


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## Jes (Sep 9, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> That is such a good reminder - I really needed that wisdom right now. Thanks, GEF.


I'm reminded of the Maya Angelou quote

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” 

Women love giving everyone a 200th chance. To what end? How often has that really helped any of us? 2% of the time? And perhaps, if we didn't always give everyone such a soft landing pad, they wouldn't lob so much shit at us. Shit throwers have to know that they won't be judged on most of their crap, or they wouldn't fling nearly as much, right?


----------



## Jes (Sep 9, 2010)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> You've got to be kidding. Please tell me you're kidding.
> 
> I, for one, have dated one of these "red faced cowards." They're out there; I promise.
> :



You mean, he wasn't one of the self-reported "good guys?"

*wink*


----------



## CastingPearls (Sep 9, 2010)

Jes said:


> I'm reminded of the Maya Angelou quote
> 
> “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
> 
> Women love giving everyone a 200th chance. To what end? How often has that really helped any of us? 2% of the time? And perhaps, if we didn't always give everyone such a soft landing pad, they wouldn't lob so much shit at us. Shit throwers have to know that they won't be judged on most of their crap, or they wouldn't fling nearly as much, right?


Right. Exactly. Couldn't agree more. Call me a merciless cold bitch but I really have no patience for self-serving idiots with martyr complexes. Not anymore, at least. And if he's a sniveling little nancy the only thing he'll get from me is a Kleenex, if that.


----------



## BeaBea (Sep 9, 2010)

Fox said:


> I actually get turned on by the thought of being someone's fantasy.



I do too. But sorry boys, you need to wade through all that reality first. Once you can show me you can deal with that I'll be your Supersize Stripper Lapdancing Hooker Bunny (TM) in a heartbeat :blush:

Tracey


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 9, 2010)

Jes said:


> I'm reminded of the Maya Angelou quote
> 
> When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
> 
> Women love giving everyone a 200th chance. To what end? How often has that really helped any of us? 2% of the time? And perhaps, if we didn't always give everyone such a soft landing pad, they wouldn't lob so much shit at us. Shit throwers have to know that they won't be judged on most of their crap, or they wouldn't fling nearly as much, right?



Love it- going to put it as a sig line  :bow:



CastingPearls said:


> Right. Exactly. Couldn't agree more. Call me a merciless cold bitch but I really have no patience for self-serving idiots with martyr complexes. Not anymore, at least. And if he's a sniveling little nancy the only thing he'll get from me is a Kleenex, if that.



You're much nicer than I am....effing Marys. 

They seem to hit a hot button with me....and I feel no love.


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## KittyKitten (Sep 9, 2010)

Take it as a grain of salt. I'd rather be someone's fantasy than someone's dregs.


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## KHayes666 (Sep 10, 2010)

Maybe I'm opening up a can of worms here but I just want to ask one simple question.

To anyone who's offended by the idea that they could possibly be someone's fantasy girl, why?

When I first laid eyes on Luscious Amazon at the October 08 Jersey Bash my heart and my jaw hit the floor. In getting to know her I realized how awesome she really was in both personality and looks. A year later I met someone almost exactly like her in size and personality, my current g/f. My g/f has all of the looks and none of the drama, in essence she's my fantasy girl because of it. She's not perfect and neither am I but if there was ever someone for me, its her. She's well aware of my fantasies, desires, reputation and she's also aware that she's my fantasy girl. She tells me she LOVES being admired for just about everything.

I guess I don't see how someone can be offended by someone else actually falling head over heels for them in a non-obsessive, non-creepy manor.


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## thirtiesgirl (Sep 10, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> Maybe I'm opening up a can of worms here but I just want to ask one simple question.
> 
> To anyone who's offended by the idea that they could possibly be someone's fantasy girl, why? ...
> 
> I guess I don't see how someone can be offended by someone else actually falling head over heels for them in a non-obsessive, non-creepy manor.



Because it doesn't usually stop there. Many times when a guy sees a woman he's physically attracted to, he doesn't just think to himself, "wow, she's really hott, she's my physical fantasy," and move on. He approaches her and says and does things that indicate he's an obsessive creep. Not all guys, of course, but many. Many, many. 

Just because you're attracted to a woman doesn't mean she wants you to come up and speak to her. Learn to read her body language, her non-verbal signals. And if you _must_ approach her to talk because you just can't bear the idea of holding the thought that she's your physical fantasy in your mind without letting her know about it, don't start off by making a comment about her body or physical appearance. Commenting on something she's wearing might be ok - something like, "I really like that color on you," or "those look like fun shoes" (in other words, comment on the style or color, but don't make it about her appearance). But since that's not the usual for most straight men, it might be better to pay attention to what your fantasy woman is _doing_ before you approach her to talk. 

For example, if she's hanging out with her women friends, see if you can catch some snippets of what they're talking about. Or if you're at a dance club, what songs usually get her out on the dance floor? Then you can say something like, "Oh, you all saw Eat Pray Love? What did you think? Was it anything like the book?" Or, "I noticed you're out there on the dance floor every time the DJ spins a disco classic. I like disco, too," or "I'm guessing you like disco" (if you really can't lie about hating Kool & the Gang or Donna Summer). That lets your fantasy woman know you're interested in talking without appearing creepy or obsessive. If she's interested in talking with you, she'll continue the conversation.

For the record, I'm referring to the collective "you" here, not you specifically, KHayes. From what you've written, you seemed to do ok with the woman you met at the bash, so you must have approached her in a way that she didn't feel creeped out or think you were being obsessive. Or if you did, she was too nice to say so.

Point being, there's nothing wrong with people fantasizing about whatever they want to fantasize about. It's how those fantasies inform your actions that can be a problem. Let your actions be guided by who the woman is and what her non-verbal cues are telling you, rather than what she looks like or what her looks represent for you, and you should be ok.


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## Carrie (Sep 10, 2010)

The tricky thing with the whole "fantasy girl" phenomenon is that in many cases, it's completely unrealistic (basically, the very definition of fantasy). People get this idea in their head of what it's going to be like with the woman/man who is their physical ideal, and then have to deal with the reality, which frequently is different from what they imagined. Or they put the object of their fantasy up on a pedestal and are genuinely surprised when he/she comes tumbling down because they're just people, not gods. I have to laugh when I see personal ads from guys where the headline shouts from the rooftops, "I love big women! No woman is too large! Love SSBBW!!!!" and then you read the ad, and it's like, "I'm looking for a ginormous fat woman, 600 or 700 lbs. would be great! Without mobility issues." And it's like, huh? You really are looking for a fantasy girl, pal. Literally.


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 10, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Because it doesn't usually stop there. Many times when a guy sees a woman he's physically attracted to, he doesn't just think to himself, "wow, she's really hott, she's my physical fantasy," and move on. He approaches her and says and does things that indicate he's an obsessive creep. Not all guys, of course, but many. Many, many.
> 
> Just because you're attracted to a woman doesn't mean she wants you to come up and speak to her. Learn to read her body language, her non-verbal signals. And if you _must_ approach her to talk because you just can't bear the idea of holding the thought that she's your physical fantasy in your mind without letting her know about it, don't start off by making a comment about her body or physical appearance. Commenting on something she's wearing might be ok - something like, "I really like that color on you," or "those look like fun shoes" (in other words, comment on the style or color, but don't make it about her appearance). But since that's not the usual for most straight men, it might be better to pay attention to what your fantasy woman is _doing_ before you approach her to talk.
> 
> ...


 
This.

Also, why do so many FA's at Dims seem to think that women don't want to be "worshipped" in a non-creepy way -- as if, as Hayes illuminated in his post, we're completely asexual beings who don't want to be desired? That isn't it. At all.

Being approached by someone who finds me desirable is flattering. 

Unless his attention _is_ creepy.

Non-creepy: Don't mention in the first, second, or even third freaking conversation exactly what it is about me that you find attractive. We know if you're attracted. And, if it's mutual, we'll figure out a way to let you know that, too.

Creepy: Mention exactly what it is about me that you find attractive within minutes of our first conversation.

Tres, Tres Creepy: "I love BBW! I love big, fat, soft bodies! I worship fat asses and mama, do you ever have a fat ass!"

... Distinction?


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## Tracyarts (Sep 10, 2010)

" To anyone who's offended by the idea that they could possibly be someone's fantasy girl, why? "

If some random person I'm not close to declares me to be their "fantasy girl" based on whatever it is about me that meets that critera, it's just words. It might be a little bit flattering but it doesn't really mean anything to me because they don't really mean anything to me. Just like if somebody I'm not close to declares me to be their nightmare girl. Doesn't really matter because there is no emotional investment in them to make it matter. 

There is a very, very short list of people who can say that and have it actually mean something to me. And I know that when they do say it, they mean that my entire reality is their fantasy. It's not just the surface, or one aspect, it's the entire package. And that makes me feel awesome.

The only time it has ever offended me was when somebody I thought was a friend told me that my body made me their fantasy girl, even though they knew the extent of the pain and suffering my body was causing me. My reality didn't matter to them and they just could not understand why them saying how "perfect" I was didn't make me feel honored and worshiped.

Tracy


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## KHayes666 (Sep 10, 2010)

All valid good points.

I wasn't trying to say that you should be greatful if some random stranger comes up to you and says a bunch of lines that never worked 30 years ago. It was more along the lines of what Traci said, not mentioning it for 2-3 dates and then slowly beginning to fall in love with the person and realizing that this is what they wanted all along.

Also it is sad but true the way a lot of F/A's simply can't help themselves. I can't speak for everyone but there ARE men out there who like to bellow out how much they like big fat bodies and big fat asses even when its inappropriate to do so.

I guess timing is everything in this kind of situation.


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## BeaBea (Sep 10, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> Maybe I'm opening up a can of worms here but I just want to ask one simple question.
> 
> To anyone who's offended by the idea that they could possibly be someone's fantasy girl, why?



The only comparison I can draw here would be if a fan were to send a letter to Angelina Jolie and tell her she was their fantasy girl. I'm sure Angelina gets a million of these a day but the fans are probably meaning that they want 'Lara Croft' Angie or 'Mrs Smith' Angie - they probably dont mean that they want the 'pretty much married with six kids, never stays in one country more than five minutes, ever so slightly crazy' Angie. I'm sure she plaits her hair, puts on a vest and shorts and straps guns to her thighs for Brad from time to time but probably only on his birthday and when they can find a baby sitter and when he's remembered to take the trash out. The fantasy probably isnt what their whole life is about.

Its kind of the same with me. Just because you saw me in one picture one time and thought I looked hot doesnt really mean that you want me in reality. If you tell me once that you think I look great I'll probably smile sweetly and thank you for the compliment. If you say it thirty nine times over in the space of 2 days I'll block your MSN and wish I had access to the Jolie Lawyers to get a restraining order.

What an FA sees when he looks at my profile on a website is NOT the reality. Telling me you find me attractive is fantastic, but theres a brain and a personality and a whole real live girl here that you need to get to know too. If you cant handle that I come with all that then you're just not worth my attention. If you CAN deal with the whole me, and engage my brain too then hell yes, I'll find some supersize shorts and we can go re-enact Tomb Raider in the bedroom every night. Err, you DID remember to take the trash out though, didn't you? 

Tracey xx


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## nykspree8 (Sep 17, 2010)

Here's my fantasy girl (if you meet these requirements please PM me immediately): 400-450lbs, 5'7-5'9ish, big boobs (DDD or bigger), big booty, big belly, plump arms, chubby legs, red-head with freckles, gray eyes that change color, cute face, in her 20's, confident, a Libra...hope i didn't miss anything.

I don't think anyone is offended by the notion of being someone's fantasy, how could you be? But there is a distinction between being a creeper-FA and a normal-FA who sees someone they find attractive/sexy and treating them like a person, striking up a conversation that doesn't include an itinerary of their food consumption for the day or how much they weigh, or just saying something completely inappropriate like, "wow, it's my fantasy to have a huge ass like yours on my face!" :doh:


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## superodalisque (Sep 18, 2010)

i don't mind being someone's fantasy but i do find them constraining since when someone really latches onto a fantasy the thing is they often can't possibly imagine how much more i am than just that. they can end up missing out if they hold on to a fantasy too tightly. limits are yucky. real is not so bad at all.


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## vardon_grip (Sep 18, 2010)

Substitute "fantasy" for "unrealistic expectation" and things take a different route.


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## superodalisque (Sep 18, 2010)

vardon_grip said:


> Substitute "fantasy" for "unrealistic expectation" and things take a different route.



yep and fantasy is by nature generally unrealistic, hence why it has to be a fantasy.


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

bigsexy920 said:


> First - I have never used my sex appeal to get something from a guy. I just wouldn't know how the hell to make that happen.
> 
> I do ask a guy at some point early on what they are interested in. Some people are looking for something casual and I'm not interested in that and I'm not going to invest my time and emotions into someone that is in no way shape or form interested in a relationship.
> 
> ...




^Made me LOL!


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

bigsexy920 said:


> Dude - Am i the boat here ?



Nah, you're the boat seller and you know what you are looking for, in exchange for your... boat... and dudes ain't offering that... or something... 

P.S. Sold my boat! I'm off to Spain for the winter, and see if I can get work there...


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## bigsexy920 (Sep 19, 2010)

double post


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## bigsexy920 (Sep 19, 2010)

joswitch said:


> P.S. Sold my boat! I'm off to Spain for the winter, and see if I can get work there...




Good a productive man is a sexy man


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

bigsexy920 said:


> I was thinking about this line - I still feel this way 100% - but I think this would sound a little less scary to a potential mate.
> 
> "Treat me like your reality girl and I'll be your fantasy girl."
> 
> Less scary, right, and it still feels like you are being true to yourself.



Less scary?? Is that a commitment reference?

Y'know I think if what you're looking for from a dude is say... long term committed monogamy? Then you should not be shy, at all, about saying that upfront... Both parties are more likely to wind up happy that way, whether together, or separately, with other people...


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

RJI said:


> I always thought this was how it used to be. You meet someone and you form a bond/relationship with them and fall in love with their personality and charm. Then after the relationship moved to the next level the fantasy part was just icing on the cake.
> Now I think too many relationships are built on the fantasy and fetish aspect and are doomed to fail because there was never any real connection made before that.
> 
> 
> I personally would not seriously date someone who was openly first into me because of my size because what happens when that novelty wears off?



Heh. All my LTRs were based off meeting someone, whilst both were drunk, and getting teh naughty on.... pretty much straightaway... And some of those LTRs lasted for years... Which is a way higher strike rate than any of my other dating efforts (e.g. getting-to-know someone first, online or offline)

Also - you're mistaking a fundamental orientation for a "novelty".
I, for one, never, ever thought of the BBWs I loved as being "novelties" and my attraction to my BBW gfs never "wore off".


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## bigsexy920 (Sep 19, 2010)

Oh i say that. but - the men i come contact with are looking more for the "fantasy" and not a relationship - so after I say that - I tend to not hear from them again. 



joswitch said:


> Less scary?? Is that a commitment reference?
> 
> Y'know I think if what you're looking for from a dude is say... long term committed monogamy? Then you should not be shy, at all, about saying that upfront... Both parties are more likely to wind up happy that way, whether together, or separately, with other people...


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Because it doesn't usually stop there. Many times when a guy sees a woman he's physically attracted to, he doesn't just think to himself, "wow, she's really hott, she's my physical fantasy," and move on. He approaches her and says and does things that indicate he's an obsessive creep. Not all guys, of course, but many. Many, many.
> 
> Just because you're attracted to a woman doesn't mean she wants you to come up and speak to her. Learn to read her body language, her non-verbal signals. And if you _must_ approach her to talk because you just can't bear the idea of holding the thought that she's your physical fantasy in your mind without letting her know about it, don't start off by making a comment about her body or physical appearance. Commenting on something she's wearing might be ok - something like, "I really like that color on you," or "those look like fun shoes" (in other words, comment on the style or color, but don't make it about her appearance). But since that's not the usual for most straight men, it might be better to pay attention to what your fantasy woman is _doing_ before you approach her to talk.
> 
> ...



^Ahahahaha!
Spoken by someone who never, ever had to try and make eye contact with a cute fat girl, who spends most all her time faffing with her damn phone, whilst surrounded by a group of her drunk, attention-seeking, drama-llama skinny friends in a club with music at 100 Db!

Seriously, the softly, softly "I do so enjoy Brahms, how about you?" approach might work if you socialise at genteel tea parties, but when you're out and about in the writhing sea of drunk, sweaty humans that are most late night pubs / clubs, there's very little point waiting to be noticed by the one cute girl in the place who isn't thin... Bulldozing over and saying "Hi! Having fun? Fancy a drink?" is about the best you can manage in the noise and mayhem...


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

bigsexy920 said:


> Oh i say that. but - the men i come contact with are looking more for the "fantasy" and not a relationship - so after I say that - I tend to not hear from them again.



No great loss though, eh?
Those dudes weren't offering what you want anyway...
Maybe you'll have to winnow through a whole lot of incompatible peeps to get who/what you want... So better kick 'em to the curb fast rather than slow, surely?

So, for instance, on my dating profile(s) I'm pretty clear about the kind of girls I'm looking to meet... I even go so far as to put a line up in my blurb saying "No dieters please!" I'm aware that I get LESS contacts because of that, but all those put off by that weren't compatible with me anyway - so no real loss to me, or them...


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## thirtiesgirl (Sep 19, 2010)

joswitch said:


> ^Ahahahaha!
> Spoken by someone who never, ever had to try and make eye contact with a cute fat girl, who spends most all her time faffing with her damn phone, whilst surrounded by a group of her drunk, attention-seeking, drama-llama skinny friends in a club with music at 100 Db!



How do you know who I might or might not approach at a club? You don't know me or know anything about my sexual proclivities.



joswitch said:


> Seriously, the softly, softly "I do so enjoy Brahms, how about you?" approach might work if you socialise at genteel tea parties, but when you're out and about in the writhing sea of drunk, sweaty humans that are most late night pubs / clubs, there's very little point waiting to be noticed by the one cute girl in the place who isn't thin... Bulldozing over and saying "Hi! Having fun? Fancy a drink?" is about the best you can manage in the noise and mayhem...



Just don't cross the pond and say it to me. I'm usually packing heat.


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> How do you know who I might or might not approach at a club? You don't know me or know anything about my sexual proclivities.



Au contraire, I know more about your proclivities than I ever might've wished, just from your posts on DIMs...




> Just don't cross the pond and say it to me. I'm usually packing heat.



Haha!
I love this crack!
Ironically, I dig girls who carry a sidearm for their self defence...
But I'm pretty sure this is BS, cos they probably don't provide internet access inside the penitentiary... Which is where'd you'd be:
If you shot everyone who says "Hi" and offers to buy you a drink...
And even if you managed to restrain yourself from that bit of psychotic acting out... 
You've said you live in LA, Kalifornia - where getting a concealed carry permit is verrrrrry hard - to the point of impossible.... 
Just packing would've been likely to get you pinched by now....

All a moot point, anyhow, given what I know of you from your posts...
You need never fear me offering you anything...


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## thirtiesgirl (Sep 19, 2010)

joswitch said:


> Haha!
> I love this crack!
> Ironically, I dig girls who carry a sidearm for their self defence...
> But I'm pretty sure this is BS, cos they probably don't provide internet access inside the penitentiary... Which is where'd you'd be:
> ...



I plead the fifth. And I've been told not to discuss any ongoing criminal investigation. If such an investigation were found to exist.



joswitch said:


> All a moot point, anyhow, given what I know of you from your posts...
> You need never fear me offering you anything...



I weep for the women of England.


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I plead the fifth. And I've been told not to discuss any ongoing criminal investigation. If such an investigation were found to exist.


Aw, now I'm all curious and wanna ask what piece you carry...


> I weep for the women of England.



Yeah, shit, they might get bought a drink! Horrors!
They might end up dancing with me or something!
There could even be pre-marital nookie!

But I'm off soon, so their ordeal will come to an end.
Soon I will descend on another place... 
Oh, teh fear!


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## thirtiesgirl (Sep 19, 2010)

joswitch said:


> Aw, now I'm all curious and wanna ask what piece you carry...



It would ruin the element of surprise.


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> It would ruin the element of surprise.



Is it weird that I like you more now you've threatened to shoot me, than I did before?

Don't worry though, you're still safe from my.... buying you a drink...


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## thirtiesgirl (Sep 19, 2010)

joswitch said:


> Is it weird that I like you more now you've threatened to shoot me, than I did before?
> 
> Don't worry though, you're still safe from my.... buying you a drink...



I wouldn't trust a drink from you if I watched the bar tender make it and hand it to me herself.


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I wouldn't trust a drink from you if I watched the bar tender make it and hand it to me herself.



OMG I can't believe that you just implied I'm some kind of evil drink-spiker! 
That is out-fuckin-rageous!
You're right back on my shit-list.
Seriously, you're a wrong 'un.

Ah well, you shall know the measure of a man by the enemies he makes...
So, I'm sitting pretty right about now...


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## thirtiesgirl (Sep 19, 2010)

Oh noes, what shall I do?


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## joswitch (Sep 19, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Oh noes, what shall I do?



Buy your own friggin' drinks?


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 23, 2010)

joswitch said:


> No great loss though, eh?
> Those dudes weren't offering what you want anyway...
> Maybe you'll have to winnow through a whole lot of incompatible peeps to get who/what you want... So better kick 'em to the curb fast rather than slow, surely?
> 
> So, for instance, on my dating profile(s) I'm pretty clear about the kind of girls I'm looking to meet... I even go so far as to put a line up in my blurb saying "No dieters please!" I'm aware that I get LESS contacts because of that, but all those put off by that weren't compatible with me anyway - so no real loss to me, or them...


 
Jos, I'm not looking to date anyone. I'm already quite happily involved with my husband and my child. I'm not in the least bit invested or threatened by anything that you say, feel, or think. Until recently, I've liked your online persona very much. But this constant "oh woe is me, all the fat ladies hate themselves and just want to diet" stuff is getting far, far beyond annoying. I don't CARE what you think of me, what motivates me, what pressures you assume I may cave to in a quest to manage my weight. What does annoy me is that you presume to make your displeasure at what a woman does with her own body known. 

It's not your body. It's hers.

And yeah, I've read all of your disclaimers. You know that she can do what she wants with her own body, yadda yadda. But what you don't seem to be getting is that your expression of displeasure at it ... as well as your assumption that it's all about caving to 'the man' ... IS what is grating on people. Sure, in your head, feel all the displeasure you want. Expressing it publicly is going to net you ... exactly what it has. Resistance and angry feedback.


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## joswitch (Sep 23, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> Jos, I'm not looking to date anyone. *snip* Resistance and angry feedback.



You very much posted this in the wrong thread.
This argument you wanted to rehearse here has already been done to death elsewhere. I'm not biting.

Also: my looking for who I'm looking for, on my dating profile, has - as you pointed out (but then went on to redundantly rant anyway) - nothing to do with you or your venting^. Nada. Zip. Zilch. NOTHING.

Being specific about what you want, because you KNOW it will get you LESS hits from people you DON'T want to get with - was my *entire point*.
For me, it happens that one of my dealbreakers is "no dieters" for the OP it's "no commitmentphobes" (or similar, I paraphrase)... Two different "asks" both of which may "grate with" / scare off potential mates, but as they are both dealbreakers... So be it.

Why would you date people you know you are not compatible with? Life is short, you need to find the compatible ones as quick as possible...

Both mine and the OP's dealbreaker is very, very common among the pool of possible dates, so it's better to winnow those folks out - upfront. IMO.
That is all.

I read girls' profiles who often post their dealbreakers upfront -
e.g.s that rule me out, straightaway:
"must be Christian"
"must be committed to traditional gender roles"
"must not be over 25"
"must love death / black metal"
Do I respond with "resistance" and "angry feedback"?
Nooooooo. I click the fuck on to the next profile, y'know - like a grown-up - understanding that the whole world is not, necessarily, into ME!Shocking as that might seem....


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 23, 2010)

joswitch said:


> You very much posted this in the wrong thread.
> This argument you wanted to rehearse here has already been done to death elsewhere. I'm not biting.
> 
> Also: my looking for who I'm looking for, on my dating profile, has - as you pointed out (but then went on to redundantly rant anyway) - nothing to do with you or your venting^. Nada. Zip. Zilch. NOTHING.
> ...


 
The boat. You. 

Spectacularly missed.

I'm not speaking to you as if I'm a woman looking for a date, so I'm hoping that you won't be dismissive of my feedback. That is why I brought up the whole "not looking to date you" issue. Since I'm not engaged in seeking a relationship, I'm not focused or concerned about what you -- or any other male -- may happen to think of how attractive I may, or may not, be. Again, since I have no ulterior motive at all, I'm hopeful that you may find the feedback that I gave you - even as you disagree with it - at least somewhat credible. I'm far past caring what men in general (or particular) care about me, my size, my perceived attributes, or lack thereof.

What I said to you, the meat of my point, so to speak, is this: Making your displeasure known about women, and their bodies, and what they do with them, is an extremely distasteful thing to do. That is why you are getting negative feedback. I'm not asking you to stop what you are doing, or to curtail yourself in any way. I am just trying to get you to understand that, even as you throw disclaimers out all over the place, the substance of your point never, ever changes: You don't like weight loss, and you assume that women who change their bodies (in a way that is displeasing to you) are doing so because they are caving to societal pressure. That's dismissive, and patronizing, and demeaning -- to women in general. You do not own our bodies. You do not get to have a say in what we do with them. 

Certainly, you can choose a partner based on how pleasing she is to you, on however many levels you deem important to you. There's nothing wrong with advertising, on a dating site, that you aren't looking to date dieters. I agree with you there! But you aren't advertising for dates here. You are exclaiming over how personally grievious it is to you that fat women would choose to lose weight. Here, where other members aren't looking to date you, this is generally viewed as an inappropriate disclosure. We are your equals here. We aren't in your dating pool. We don't need to hear, from you, how erroneous and how wrong it is to (gasp!) lose weight, or how we're part of the weight loss herd if we chose to alter our bodies, again, in a way that is displeasing to you. Our bodies are our own. We choose what to do with them. You can choose to disassociate yourself from that, when choices are made that you find unpalatable. But you don't get to go on and on about how awful it is, not here, not without getting the exact stomp in the 'nads feedback that you've been getting.

And, until today, you hadn't gotten any of that from me. 

I hope that you do hear what I'm really saying to you. I think that at times, you must be sitting there, feeling as if you've just been punched in the nose, blood leaking down your face, and you're aghast ... not quite yet even realizing THAT you've been sucker-punched, not to mention, the why of it. I'd like for you to understand the why.


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## joswitch (Sep 23, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> *snip*
> You don't like weight loss,


True.
And yet it continues!
Tough shit for me, eh?

(^For those who are hard-of-humour, this is a self-deprecating aside - the joke is "Oh, look, the world does not revolve around me". Thank you for getting it.)


> and you assume that women who change their bodies (in a way that is displeasing to you) are doing so because they are caving to societal pressure.


No, I do not always assume that.
Everybody who counterposts me always assumes that I assume that.
And they get VERY ANGRY about the assumption they have made about my assumption.
I really DO get that there ARE other possible reasons, too.


> That's dismissive, and patronizing, and demeaning -- to women in general.


Says you. 
Even if that were someone's reason for doing X.
Society is enormously powerful.
It is almost impossible to live outside it, (I've tried) especially if you wish to have a lover. 
Having recognised this fundamental human truth, I don't regard "bowing to societal pressure" as being somehow, always, inherently contemptuous.



> You do not own our bodies. You do not get to have a say in what we do with them.


^Redundant. I've acknowledged this many times.



> Certainly, you can choose a partner based on how pleasing she is to you, on however many levels you deem important to you. There's nothing wrong with advertising, on a dating site, that you aren't looking to date dieters. I agree with you there!



^Thanks so much for your permission.
And as we are discussing dating dealbreakers in this thread, that's as far as we need to go.

I'm resigned to this kind of rant appearing whereever I post on here. I can't even be bothered to counter most of it anymore. Seriously, you might as well save your breath.


Anyway, TraciJo, while you're here tearing me a new asshole, three points and a question for you:
- You're not a fat person (anymore).
- You're not an FA. Indeed, as I recall from your posts on here, you really, REALLY didn't like being fat. not. at. all.
- You're not interested in dating.
Of course, it is absolutely your right to feel and be all those things^.
BUT, here's the question:- 
*why are you posting here???* on a board for fat folks and FAs??? in a thread about dating, no less??? Seriously, doesn't that ever strike you as... just a little bit ironic?

And yes, I know anyone who sticks to the rules is ALLOWED to post here, of course.
But what's YOUR motivation?
For being here?
Seriously.
Everyone's all up in my face with their assumptions about my motivations, but what's yours?


----------



## TraciJo67 (Sep 24, 2010)

Jo, clearly, you didn't get what I was saying to you - or why I bothered at all. So be it. 

I know that you can't understand that there are reasons why women would choose to lose weight, and this would have nothing whatsoever to do with caving to pressure to be thin. I chose to become smaller, in my late thirties and more than 10 years into a good marriage with a man who loved me just as I was. And, based on what I've seen lately, I assume that you have difficulty believing that someone can desire something other than the approval of men (or the masses), but I didn't hate my fat body. I hated what I believed it was doing to me, and keeping from me. As for other people, I am weight neutral. I don't give a flying fuck what you weigh. I care about what you say, what you believe, how you express those beliefs. I judge you based on how eloquently you do so, at least on the internet, where I cannot rely on other factors to soften an often unreliable form of discernment. I post at Dims because I've found it to be a place filled with passionate people who express themselves passionately. And I stayed for the drama. 

I get the undercurrents of what you're really saying, Jo. I just choose to ignore them, and your less salient points, as irrelevent. Isn't it wonderful that we both get to choose? <insert string of emoticons here>



joswitch said:


> True.
> And yet it continues!
> Tough shit for me, eh?
> 
> ...


----------



## joswitch (Sep 24, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> Jo, clearly, you didn't get what I was saying to you - or why I bothered at all. So be it.
> 
> I know that you can't understand that there are reasons why women would choose to lose weight,


^Wrong. I understand that plenty.


> *snip*
> I didn't hate my fat body. I hated what I believed it was doing to me, and keeping from me.


^That's a distinction so vanishingly small as to be non-existent.


> *snip* * I judge you * based on how eloquently you do so, at least on the internet, where I cannot rely on other factors to soften an often unreliable form of discernment. I post at Dims because I've found it to be a place filled with passionate people who express themselves passionately. And *I stayed for the drama.
> *
> 
> *snip*



^You answered my question! Woo!
Judging and drama is your catnip. Gotcha.
We're done talking now.


----------



## Mishty (Sep 24, 2010)

TraciJo is a Libra, and loves to argue and "debate" because of the scales, everything has to pan out and make perfect sense,it all must "weigh" but sometimes even that won't make them happy. (no pun intended) 

Jos, is Capricorn (with a Sag. cusp I believe) they can be surprisingly and suddenly witty and subtle for the quiet, reserved individuals they seem to be, and they also have a tendency to ruin things by unexpected and utterly irresponsible bouts of flippancy.

You two ain't gonna agree(unless your moons are in some kinda crazy harmony), and to be honest TraciJo, your kind of starting to sound long winded and preachy (like one of those English teachers that love hearing themselves talk) 

Joswitch, dude. She's a mega-bitch and even if you made _perfect sense_, she'd ignore it and type 4 more paragraphs just for the fuck of the matter, 'cause that's how she rolls. 


So, how bout them Timberwolves.... :happy:


----------



## joswitch (Sep 24, 2010)

Mishty said:


> TraciJo is a Libra, and loves to argue and "debate" because of the scales, everything has to pan out and make perfect sense,it all must "weigh" but sometimes even that won't make them happy. (no pun intended)
> 
> Jos, is Capricorn (with a Sag. cusp I believe) they can be surprisingly and suddenly witty and subtle for the quiet, reserved individuals they seem to be, and they also have a tendency to ruin things by unexpected and utterly irresponsible bouts of flippancy.
> 
> ...



Ooooh, close! - I'm actually a noisy Saggitarius, but I've been trying to tone my shiz down a bit on here somewhat - since I got an infraction a couple months back....

Timberwolves are a sports team I'm guessing?


----------



## Mishty (Sep 24, 2010)

joswitch said:


> I'm actually a noisy Saggitarius



Haha, that explains it then! 


I was just trying to lighten the mood really.....


----------



## thirtiesgirl (Sep 24, 2010)

What's _your_ sign, behbeh? *lounge lizard smiley*


----------



## joswitch (Sep 24, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> What's _your_ sign, behbeh? *lounge lizard smiley*



Is the sign of the beast.... with four horsey legs, that is...


----------



## CastingPearls (Sep 24, 2010)

joswitch said:


> Ooooh, close! - I'm actually a noisy Saggitarius, but I've been trying to tone my shiz down a bit on here somewhat - since I got an infraction a couple months back....
> 
> Timberwolves are a sports team I'm guessing?


I just knew you were a Sag.


----------



## thirtiesgirl (Sep 24, 2010)

I'm gobsmacked to find out you're another fire sign, as I'm the _other_ horny beast in the fire sign barnyard. I'm even more disgusted that I'd actually care about such a pointless concept.


----------



## joswitch (Sep 24, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I just knew you were a Sag.



It's my endless talking that gives it away, eh?


----------



## joswitch (Sep 24, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I'm gobsmacked to find out you're another fire sign, as I'm the _other_ horny beast in the fire sign barnyard. I'm even more disgusted that I'd actually care about such a pointless concept.



Ahahahaha! 

(I'm a leeetle bit drunk... Time for bed...)


----------



## CastingPearls (Sep 24, 2010)

joswitch said:


> It's my endless talking that gives it away, eh?


I dated enough Sags to recognize one. LOL And yes, they're the intellectuals of the zodiac.

I'm a Taurus...the most sensual of signs.


----------



## thirtiesgirl (Sep 24, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I dated enough Sags to recognize one. LOL And yes, they're the intellectuals of the zodiac.



Really? Hmm...clowny armchair philosophers, yes. Intellectuals? I'm not so sure.


----------



## CastingPearls (Sep 24, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Really? Hmm...clowny armchair philosophers, yes. Intellectuals? I'm not so sure.


You're entitled to your opinion.


----------



## joswitch (Sep 25, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Really? Hmm...clowny armchair philosophers, yes. Intellectuals? I'm not so sure.



Clowns: a little bit creepy? Discuss.

(Yes, I watched "It" when I was a youth)


----------



## joswitch (Sep 25, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I dated enough Sags to recognize one. LOL And yes, they're the intellectuals of the zodiac.
> 
> I'm a Taurus...the most sensual of signs.



Sensual is goooood.... 

As far as this signs thing goes... I've learned from experience that although I tend to be strongly attracted to Virgos, that I rilly, rilly shouldn't try and have a LTR with anyone who is a Virgo.... O.M.G. 

Whereas me and Saggitarius girls = super fun times! 

Of course, I don't actually believe in teh signs.... Not like old Ronnie Regan with his consultant astrologer...


----------



## CastingPearls (Sep 25, 2010)

joswitch said:


> Sensual is goooood....
> 
> As far as this signs thing goes... I've learned from experience that although I tend to be strongly attracted to Virgos, that I rilly, rilly shouldn't try and have a LTR with anyone who is a Virgo.... O.M.G.
> 
> ...


Substitute Scorpios with Virgoes and I could say the same thing.

I don't think any of it is written in stone (or the stars, actually) but it's fun to read up on.

My guy is a Sag.


----------



## Mishty (Sep 27, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Substitute Scorpios with Virgoes and I could say the same thing.
> 
> I don't think any of it is written in stone (or the stars, actually) but it's fun to read up on.
> 
> My guy is a Sag.



I'm a Scorpio....  
All my best friends are Virgos or Saggis, i love the craziness.


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## nykspree8 (Sep 27, 2010)

Sorry, but all your signs take a backseat to Geminis, the absolute best sign in the whole UNIVERSE!


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## Mishty (Sep 27, 2010)

nykspree8 said:


> Sorry, but all your signs take a backseat to Geminis, the absolute best sign in the whole UNIVERSE!



Pfffft please....
Is this the good twin or the bad twin talkin' ya Gemi freak!


----------



## KHayes666 (Sep 28, 2010)

nykspree8 said:


> Sorry, but all your signs take a backseat to Geminis, the absolute best sign in the whole UNIVERSE!



Agreed there


----------



## Mishty (Sep 28, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> Agreed there



shut up Kevin!


----------



## CastingPearls (Sep 28, 2010)

nykspree8 said:


> Sorry, but all your signs take a backseat to Geminis, the absolute best sign in the whole UNIVERSE!


Yeah, keep dreamin' pal. Every last one of you is a split-personality. LOL


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## CastingPearls (Sep 28, 2010)

Mishty said:


> I'm a Scorpio....
> All my best friends are Virgos or Saggis, i love the craziness.


One more reason to love you, Miss Mish.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 3, 2010)

Enter the Virgo....


I think that sounds kind of suggestive......


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## indy500tchr (Oct 3, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Enter the Virgo....
> 
> 
> I think that sounds kind of suggestive......



Right behind you..... even more suggestive


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 3, 2010)

indy500tchr said:


> Right behind you..... even more suggestive



I like how you think Grasshopper :bow:


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## nykspree8 (Oct 3, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Yeah, keep dreamin' pal. Every last one of you is a split-personality. LOL



It's like having two dates for the price of one! What can be better??


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## Mishty (Oct 4, 2010)

nykspree8 said:


> It's like having two dates for the price of one! What can be better??



Having one perfectly sane, passionate, and perfect Scorpio. 


duh


----------



## CastingPearls (Oct 4, 2010)

Mishty said:


> Having one perfectly sane, passionate, and perfect Scorpio.
> 
> 
> duh


It's kinda pushing it to state 'perfectly sane' isn't it? I mean, honestly...you're a SCORPIO!! I have lived with and loved too many stingers to know you're all a wild ride but sane???? REALLY????


----------



## Mishty (Oct 4, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> It's kinda pushing it to state 'perfectly sane' isn't it? I mean, honestly...you're a SCORPIO!! I have lived with and loved too many stingers to know you're all a wild ride but sane???? REALLY????



I knew you would catch that  

Yeah I'm nuts, but I make insanity sexy. 

You called me a Stinger.... :blush:


----------



## willowmoon (Oct 4, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> It's kinda pushing it to state 'perfectly sane' isn't it? I mean, honestly...you're a SCORPIO!! I have lived with and loved too many stingers to know you're all a wild ride but sane???? REALLY????



Yep. Guilty as charged.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 4, 2010)

I'm now very intrigued by this idea of the male Scorpios having big...........stingers.


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## Mishty (Oct 4, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm now very intrigued by this idea of the male Scorpios having big...........stingers.



Virgos and their stinger obsessions....


----------



## frankman (Oct 4, 2010)

Mishty said:


> I'm a Scorpio....
> All my best friends are Virgos or Saggis, i love the craziness.



That's so random; I'm a virgo and my best friends are scorpios. I like their determinatation and how they don't get mad but even.


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## Mishty (Oct 4, 2010)

frankman said:


> That's so random; I'm a virgo and my best friends are scorpios. I like their determinatation and how they don't get mad but even.



It's 'cause Scorpios tend to be verrry protective of Virgos, and Virgos like the feeling of protection. 
All my Virgo girls know this, I'll killa bitch for 'em. 

and the the get even part...  you have no idea.


----------



## willowmoon (Oct 4, 2010)

frankman said:


> That's so random; I'm a virgo and my best friends are scorpios. I like their determinatation and how they don't get mad but even.



Dead on.


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## CastingPearls (Oct 4, 2010)

Mishty said:


> It's 'cause Scorpios tend to be verrry protective of Virgos, and Virgos like the feeling of protection.
> All my Virgo girls know this, I'll killa bitch for 'em.
> 
> and the the get even part...  you have no idea.


The 'get even' part...I do get and know well. And it's a big turn on.

Oh and I never met a Scorpio who didn't have an ummm....amazing stinger. Super-duper mindblowing hot. However, Taurus's and Scorpios spontanous combust it's so hot but once we're done it can be a bloodbath, so it never ended well. 

Girl Scorpios are among my bestest closest friends..boy Scorpios---well...we agree to lust and admire from afar, regardless of the attraction. I need to think at some point and whenever I was with one I was a drooling wanton nympho incapable of thinking outside the bedroom. Which is okay except you have to work and eat and pay bills and come up for air and stuff.


----------



## willowmoon (Oct 4, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> The 'get even' part...I do get and know well. And it's a big turn on.
> 
> Oh and I never met a Scorpio who didn't have an ummm....amazing stinger. Super-duper mindblowing hot. However, Taurus's and Scorpios spontanous combust it's so hot but once we're done it can be a bloodbath, so it never ended well.
> 
> Girl Scorpios are among my bestest closest friends..boy Scorpios---well...we agree to lust and admire from afar, regardless of the attraction. I need to think at some point and whenever I was with one I was a drooling wanton nympho incapable of thinking outside the bedroom. Which is okay except you have to work and eat and pay bills and come up for air and stuff.



Hey CP .... you PROMISED you wouldn't post about us publicly. What the HELL?!?!


----------



## CastingPearls (Oct 4, 2010)

willowmoon said:


> Hey CP .... you PROMISED you wouldn't post about us publicly. What the HELL?!?!


I want my cd's back <fucker>


----------



## willowmoon (Oct 4, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I want my cd's back <fucker>



Wait, those are yours? 

Why can't I rep you on this, dammit!


----------



## Mishty (Oct 4, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I want my cd's back <fucker>



Ohhh sexy Cussin' Bull


----------



## CastingPearls (Oct 4, 2010)

Oh and that post of mine in the What Is a "Good Kisser" thread....do I even have to say he was a Scorpio? I mean....shit...damn. duh. LOL


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## Mishty (Oct 4, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Oh and that post of mine in the What Is a "Good Kisser" thread....do I even have to say he was a Scorpio? I mean....shit...damn. duh. LOL




I love making out with Scorpio men, but sometimes...when it gets heated the little love nip on the lip hurts more than it should :huh: Not saying I don't enjoy it, but it always grabs be my surprise when I am jolted out of pleasing tongue hockey by a sharp pinch of teethies....


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 4, 2010)

I'm flabbergasted that I'm actually joining this discussion, but every Scorp I've known has been very even tempered and fair minded...on the surface. They have a dark side, yes, for sure. But with the Scorps I've known, I've seen it only rarely. I've had a couple of very good friends who are Scorps and I generally really like them. But when they're deeply angered, I will say they can go a bit far with getting revenge and/or cutting people out of their lives who have angered them. I did date a Scorp for 2 years, but it was long distance, and truth be told, he really wasn't all that into me, so there weren't a lot of fireworks or even much of a smolder between the sheets.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 4, 2010)

What has been said about the Virgos and Scorpios has been true in my case. I also tend to get along quite well with Taurus'.


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## cinnamitch (Oct 4, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> What has been said about the Virgos and Scorpios has been true in my case. I also tend to get along quite well with Taurus'.



I am a Taurus and love those big ego Leos, which is probably the worst sign for me.


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## mossystate (Oct 4, 2010)

* heard someone kind of giving a nod to the superior Leo *


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 4, 2010)

Leos are my weakness. I've fallen for their warm yet egotistical personalities more times than I care to count. My mom is a Leo, but her untreated borderline personality disorder gives her Leo ego a truly twisted boost. She's the worst kind of Leo. My first serious boyfriend was a Leo and I was desperately in love with him. From the moment I first saw him at college, before we'd even talked, I was hopelessly attracted to him, which is what lead me to pursue friendship and later a relationship with him. I've had a few other short-lived relationships with Leo men, and although I've often experienced a lot of love from them, they ultimately love themselves more and need _so much_ constant adoration from others, some of them were unable to remain faithful. I've experienced too much heartbreak, so I tend to stay away from them now.


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## nykspree8 (Oct 6, 2010)

I've dated two Leo's and out of all the signs of the people I've dated I've matched up best with Leo. I've been with 2 Scorpios and I will never date a Scorpio again, Geminis and Scorpios traits clash soooo much it's not even funny. I will give Scorpios the nod on sex, sex was good with the Scorpios I was with, but I think they need it too much, and this is coming from a Gemini, who btw are the best in bed i'm sorry what anyone else things...date a Gemini and you will know ;P I would love to date a Libra....i always read Libras and Geminis mesh really good, but my mom is a Libra and we argue a lot, so idk, might just be cause it's my mom lol. Not to say I base all my dating on zodiac sign compatibility, but it's really funny how a lot of it ends up being true when it comes to you and your sign and sign compatibilities...


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## CastingPearls (Oct 6, 2010)

Everything does need to be taken with a grain of salt.

My soon to be ex is supposed to be my perfect match and my Baby is supposed to be the worst possible match so, take from it what you will.


----------



## thirtiesgirl (Oct 6, 2010)

nykspree8 said:


> I've dated two Leo's and out of all the signs of the people I've dated I've matched up best with Leo. I've been with 2 Scorpios and I will never date a Scorpio again, Geminis and Scorpios traits clash soooo much it's not even funny. I will give Scorpios the nod on sex, sex was good with the Scorpios I was with, but I think they need it too much, and this is coming from a Gemini, who btw are the best in bed i'm sorry what anyone else things...date a Gemini and you will know ;P I would love to date a Libra....i always read Libras and Geminis mesh really good, but my mom is a Libra and we argue a lot, so idk, might just be cause it's my mom lol. Not to say I base all my dating on zodiac sign compatibility, but it's really funny how a lot of it ends up being true when it comes to you and your sign and sign compatibilities...



Some of my closest friends are Gemini and Libra people. I get along well with both Gemini men and women, but Libra women only. I cannot stand Libra men. I find they're usually damn good at charming me, which is often why I fall for them, but after a few weeks or months of that, they lose their charm fast and become passive-aggressive jerks. I've had my heart broken by 2 of them in the past, and that was enough.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 6, 2010)

Libra here.


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## littlefairywren (Oct 6, 2010)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> Libra here.



Ah ha! That explains it, Momma Bird. Libra and Aries are on complementary sides of the zodiac :wubu:


----------



## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 6, 2010)

littlefairywren said:


> Ah ha! That explains it, Momma Bird. Libra and Aries are on complementary sides of the zodiac :wubu:



<croons: "Too wuv, wuv, wuv you, is to know, know, know you">

:wubu:

:happy:


----------



## thirtiesgirl (Oct 7, 2010)

littlefairywren said:


> Ah ha! That explains it, Momma Bird. Libra and Aries are on complementary sides of the zodiac :wubu:



Yeah, I'm that other beastie in the fire sign stable; not the lion and not the horse-man. I think that explains why I fall so damn fast for Libra men... and then they lose their charm equally as fast for me. They can sure talk a good game, though.


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## bmann0413 (Oct 8, 2010)

My fantasy girl is totally nothing but a fantasy... (-3-)


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## littlefairywren (Oct 9, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Yeah, I'm that other beastie in the fire sign stable; not the lion and not the horse-man. I think that explains why I fall so damn fast for Libra men... and then they lose their charm equally as fast for me. They can sure talk a good game, though.



Go for the Taurean men, they are worth holding on to. I am one of the quiet Aries though, so not sure how that works. But I get on famously with Libra women


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 9, 2010)

littlefairywren said:


> Go for the Taurean men, they are worth holding on to. I am one of the quiet Aries though, so not sure how that works. But I get on famously with Libra women



I've met a lot of Taurus men and found them generally nice, but I've never found myself very physically attracted to them. One of my closest friends for years was a Taurus woman who is one of the most natural flirters and natural sex oozers I've ever known, and I don't mean in a bad, over-the-top way. It just comes naturally to her, and people are just naturally drawn to her. I've written about her flirting ability on Dims before, which is something I've always wished I had. I've met a lot of Taurus people who have it, though, so I think it's just part of their make-up. ...Unfortunately, it doesn't help attract me to the men, though.

I'm a quieter beastie, too, and find that in a public setting, I tend to get on better with a more extroverted person. They make the conversation just flow more easily.

Male signs I've usually fallen head over heels for: leos, aquarius, sags, geminis, scorps, and sometimes libras. I've also fallen for the occasional capricorn, and have an aries co-worker who has a cap husband and prefers cap men.


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## CastingPearls (Oct 9, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I've met a lot of Taurus men and found them generally nice, but I've never found myself very physically attracted to them. One of my closest friends for years was a Taurus woman who is one of the most natural flirters and natural sex oozers I've ever known, and I don't mean in a bad, over-the-top way. It just comes naturally to her, and people are just naturally drawn to her. I've written about her flirting ability on Dims before, which is something I've always wished I had. I've met a lot of Taurus people who have it, though, so I think it's just part of their make-up. ...Unfortunately, it doesn't help attract me to the men, though.
> 
> I'm a quieter beastie, too, and find that in a public setting, I tend to get on better with a more extroverted person. They make the conversation just flow more easily.
> 
> Male signs I've usually fallen head over heels for: leos, aquarius, sags, geminis, scorps, and sometimes libras. I've also fallen for the occasional capricorn, and have an aries co-worker who has a cap husband and prefers cap men.


I'm a Taurus female and I can honestly say that flirting is like breathing to me. You pretty much described it perfectly. I'm also Aries rising so I have a lot of those characteristics as well.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 9, 2010)

Virgo-Libra. I've always heard people born on the cusp are a bit wild/crazy.


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## mossystate (Oct 9, 2010)

Take ALL this with a block of salt.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Oct 9, 2010)

Duh lol 

For me, it's something fun, and not serious or something I think about. I don't ask, or even think about someone's sign, to see how we might mesh.


----------



## mossystate (Oct 9, 2010)

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!


----------



## Mishty (Oct 10, 2010)

I'm an Astro-whore... or is that a Horo-whore? 

I love it, I would never judge someone *just* on their sign.
I know it may all very well be bull shit, but if people can worship Tom Cruise, well by god I can trust the stars. :batting:


I was told when I was 3 years old(and thanks to my Scorpio memory skills recall clear as day) "Warm up little Scorpion girl, you'll freeze us all" My auntie Brenda was also a water sign(Pisces my one true weakness) and we bonded the day I set eyes on her when I was 8 months old,(I don't remember that day so well) I've always bonded with water signs quickly, and almost always have some kind of mind connection with them that doesn't require us to even talk, but look at each other to know what exactly is going on. I have a lot of Cancer men as friends, but that's mostly 'cause I "Mother" them, and we all know how Cancers feels about Mothers. lol Female Cancers are so...so... huggy, and lovey dovey towards me, isn't annoying, but it gets old when I'm not in the mood. Pisces are fibbers sometimes though, and I can spot a lie pretty fast, and for some fudged up reason can't call them out as often as I should, I think it's because they invent things, and people in their own little happy Fishie world, and forget the rest of us can't see it. 


Fire signs drive me nuts, because I never feel like I give them enough attention, even when they have it all, plain wears me out. but I stick around 'cause their hearts are full of warmth and fierce loyalty. My Leos are all a little scared of me, 'cause of my Scorpio mood swings, and they often ask when they call "So...whats it gonna be today?" Aries women are the bomb, fo sho. They see a man, and they know he's not perfect, give them a few months, and he'll be prefect for *her*, and enjoy every moment of it. 
My bestie is a hardcore Sagittarius, with so much smarts and brains she's scary! She comes to be for advice and knows, KNOWS, it's gonna burn when I get to core of the truth, she told me just yesterday "Lesser people would have died for the things you've said to me" but she means it with love, because I don't blow smoke up her ass. (unless she wants) 


Air signs are all crazy. I'm not even going there, every man I've wanted to jump on and hump all over was an Air sign, and I couldn't read him or understand him, and in return all Air signs think Scorpios are insane. My biggest BIGGEST man of ruin is Aquarius. I go bonkers for those crazy minds. :blush: Even when the sex would be amazing we never touch any kind of mental base.  Man Geminis are fun to party with, and even have sex with, but that's it for me, no connection beyond that... Libras are another weakness, my best guy friend is a Libra, and he's the only friend I've ever crossed any kind of line with, the bastard can kiss like a 3 dollar whore, but his eyes just can't stay on one female, he likes having a whole slew sweating after him. (i hate to sweat)

Earth signs love me to much, I have two Bull parents and half a dozen Goat cousins that love me and refuse not to have my love returned, they don't let me hate them. Won't allow it. Even when I'm my meanest, and most insane, my Capricorns,Virgos and Tauruses love me strong and hard. thank god. 
I fell the hardest and the longest for a Goat 2 years ago, his own fear of rejection, and scared little mind wouldn't let go of what was, so in turn, I got the short end of the stick. Earthies are so solid on the outside layer, almost had me fooled. Big soft hearted bastards. 


What is really weird for me, once I know your sign, I don't forget it. I know all my friends from high schools signs, if I see a celebs birthday, I'll always know their sign. So, it sounds creepy when I see someone I haven't seen in years, and mention their signs, most people think their signs are so strong I pick up on it, and if their dumb enough and precious enough, I let 'em think that.


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## nykspree8 (Oct 10, 2010)

Right back atcha with the Scorpio-Gemini connection, sex is great, but other than that I just want to ship Scorpios to the moon lol. I think Scorpios are too emotional, intense, possessive, and definitely too jealous to be paired with a Gemini. Both Scorpios i dated both possessed these traits...I saw it in one more than the other cause I was with her for almost 2 years, but yeah, no more Scorpions for me!


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 10, 2010)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> Duh lol
> 
> For me, it's something fun, and not serious or something I think about. I don't ask, or even think about someone's sign, to see how we might mesh.



That's pretty much how I view it, too. But over the years, I've found that, even though I don't pay attention to someone's astrological sign, I tend to be drawn to the same signs, and have issues with the same signs. I can't really explain why that is, other than perhaps there's something to be said for the astrological interpretation of one's personality make-up.

I also find combined western-Chinese astrology kind of interesting, where one's western astrological sign is considered in relation to one's Chinese year of birth. It's an interesting combination. I'm an aries/rooster.


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## Jes (Oct 12, 2010)

nykspree8 said:


> Right back atcha with the Scorpio-Gemini connection, sex is great, but other than that I just want to ship Scorpios to the moon lol. I think Scorpios are too emotional, intense, possessive, and definitely too jealous to be paired with a Gemini. Both Scorpios i dated both possessed these traits...I saw it in one more than the other cause I was with her for almost 2 years, but yeah, no more Scorpions for me!



I don't really 'do' signs, though I will say I like a man with Penis Rising and I like to dump 'em before I know his birthday, or last name.


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## frankman (Oct 12, 2010)

Jes said:


> I don't really 'do' signs, though I will say I like a man with Penis Rising and I like to dump 'em before I know his birthday, or last name.



This is the most sexy thing a woman has ever posted on an online board, bar nekkid pics.


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## liz (di-va) (Oct 13, 2010)

Male Scorpios freak my shit.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 13, 2010)

liz (di-va) said:


> Male Scorpios freak my shit.



I'm assuming you don't mean literally. Years ago, when I first started using online dating services, I met a mousy little guy on nerve.com. He worked as a tax accountant or something similar, and his one profile pic featured him wearing a button down shirt and thick, Coke-bottle glasses. He messaged me first, and trying to give him the benefit of the doubt (despite his mousy profile pic), I sent him a response. We messaged via nerve for a few days, during which I asked him a few questions about himself, such as what kinds of books, movies, music and food he's into, what he does to pay the bills, etc. When I asked him what he likes to do in his spare time, he shared with me that he likes to watch women take a dump, particularly after they've eaten a big meal, and then help them clean up afterwards...not always using toilet paper. If you catch my drift. Talk about literally freaking someone's shit. If I hadn't been so disgusted, I probably would have fallen out of my chair with laughter, it was so ridiculous. I told him thank you, no, I don't share that particular fetish and please don't contact me again. I never did ask him his sign, though.


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## frankman (Oct 13, 2010)

I'm just going to apologize beforehand for this joke.



What a shitty story.


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## liz (di-va) (Oct 13, 2010)

Oh my. No indeedy, not literally.


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## joswitch (Oct 14, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I'm assuming you don't mean literally. Years ago, when I first started using online dating services, I met a mousy little guy on nerve.com. He worked as a tax accountant or something similar, and his one profile pic featured him wearing a button down shirt and thick, Coke-bottle glasses. He messaged me first, and trying to give him the benefit of the doubt (despite his mousy profile pic), I sent him a response. We messaged via nerve for a few days, during which I asked him a few questions about himself, such as what kinds of books, movies, music and food he's into, what he does to pay the bills, etc. When I asked him what he likes to do in his spare time, he shared with me that he likes to watch women take a dump, particularly after they've eaten a big meal, and then help them clean up afterwards...not always using toilet paper. If you catch my drift. Talk about literally freaking someone's shit. If I hadn't been so disgusted, I probably would have fallen out of my chair with laughter, it was so ridiculous. I told him thank you, no, I don't share that particular fetish and please don't contact me again. I never did ask him his sign, though.



Maybe it was Dung Beetle?


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## Jes (Oct 15, 2010)

frankman said:


> This is the most sexy thing a woman has ever posted on an online board, bar nekkid pics.



Oh! Well then I'm really glad you gave me so much rep for it an...


oh, right.


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## Jes (Oct 15, 2010)

frankman said:


> I'm just going to apologize beforehand for this joke.
> 
> What a shitty story.





Hey, find the guy and point him toward the new Ass Worship thread on the sex board. He might find what he's been missing!


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## frankman (Oct 15, 2010)

Jes said:


> Oh! Well then I'm really glad you gave me so much rep for it an...
> 
> 
> oh, right.



"No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD!"

Also, it said I had to spread before doing you again.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 15, 2010)

Jes said:


> Hey, find the guy and point him toward the new Ass Worship thread on the sex board. He might find what he's been missing!



I don't know that he was so much into asses of size as he was into what comes out of them. ...Another funny tidbit about the guy - when I asked him what kinds of movies he likes, this was his 3-word answer: Bob Hope comedies. A fecal matter fetishist into Bob Hope comedies. There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm not going to dig too far to find it.


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## Saoirse (Oct 15, 2010)

I bet he wanted to dig as far as he could.

get it? eh? *winkwink*


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## Dromond (Oct 16, 2010)

What's with this astrology garbage?

I know my sign (Gemini, no cusp), and I also know I was born in a year of the Dragon. But what's the point? The stars no more guide your actions than a potted plant does. Also, because of precession since the BABYLONIANS laid out the zodiac there is another sun sign: Ophiuchus. Does astrology take that into account? Hell no, it doesn't.

Phooey.


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## Jes (Oct 16, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I don't know that he was so much into asses of size as he was into what comes out of them. ...Another funny tidbit about the guy - when I asked him what kinds of movies he likes, this was his 3-word answer: Bob Hope comedies. A fecal matter fetishist into Bob Hope comedies. There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm not going to dig too far to find it.



look, full ass worship is brown showers and being someone's toilet. Otherwise it's just ass kissing, hugging and maybe cheek biting. Once you start doing more than that, you're headed toward worship country. and that involves 1 dude, 1 cup, if you know what i'm saying, and i think you do.


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## Jes (Oct 16, 2010)

frankman said:


> Also, it said I had to spread before doing you again.



If i had a nickel for every time someone said that to me, i'd be rich.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 17, 2010)

Dromond said:


> What's with this astrology garbage?
> 
> I know my sign (Gemini, no cusp), and I also know I was born in a year of the Dragon. But what's the point? The stars no more guide your actions than a potted plant does. Also, because of precession since the BABYLONIANS laid out the zodiac there is another sun sign: Ophiuchus. Does astrology take that into account? Hell no, it doesn't.
> 
> Phooey.



Dude. I didn't think geminis were such killjoys.


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## Mishty (Oct 17, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Dude. I didn't think geminis were such killjoys.



Jeez I know..... He must be lettin' the cranky twin out.


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## Jes (Oct 20, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Dude. I didn't think geminis were such killjoys.


What's your sign, again?


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## Dromond (Oct 20, 2010)

Mishty said:


> Jeez I know..... He must be lettin' the cranky twin out.



I'm a walking contradiction.


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## Dromond (Oct 20, 2010)

Jes said:


> What's your sign, again?



"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Jes again"

Have another nickel.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 20, 2010)

Jes said:


> What's your sign, again?



Not gemini.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 24, 2010)

Taurus' are hung like....horses.


That's no bull.


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## CleverBomb (Oct 26, 2010)

Dromond said:


> What's with this astrology garbage?
> 
> I know my sign (Gemini, no cusp), and I also know I was born in a year of the Dragon. But what's the point? The stars no more guide your actions than a potted plant does. Also, because of precession since the BABYLONIANS laid out the zodiac there is another sun sign: Ophiuchus. Does astrology take that into account? Hell no, it doesn't.
> 
> Phooey.


Of course.
We Geminis are too smart to fall for that astrology nonsense!

-Rusty


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## Lovelyone (Oct 28, 2010)

My most recent private message from a random man who I do not know on here:

"Hi, you are beautiful! Can I have some pics please?" 
I should have responded...that there are plenty of pics of beautiful women on this site that he can oggle if he is looking for a fantasy woman. 
I didnt...I said "thanks, and NO you cannot."

This kind of private message is actually pretty common to me and its getting really old. *sigh.


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## ValentineBBW (Oct 29, 2010)

Lovelyone said:


> My most recent private message from a random man who I do not know on here:
> 
> "Hi, you are beautiful! Can I have some pics please?"
> I should have responded...that there are plenty of pics of beautiful women on this site that he can oggle if he is looking for a fantasy woman.
> ...



hehe I got the same message and wanted to respond the same as you did but figured it would just give this person a chance to shoot back a vicious response as most normally do. As if we should be be jumping for joy that someone asked for our pic.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 29, 2010)

ValentineBBW said:


> hehe I got the same message and wanted to respond the same as you did but figured it would just give this person a chance to shoot back a vicious response as most normally do. As if we should be be jumping for joy that someone asked for our pic.



I would respond to him with, "why, certainly, hon, I'll send you all the pics you like." And then overload his inbox with LOLCats, scary clowns, funny looking dogs, and photoshopped sunsets.


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## Lovelyone (Oct 29, 2010)

ValentineBBW said:


> hehe I got the same message and wanted to respond the same as you did but figured it would just give this person a chance to shoot back a vicious response as most normally do. As if we should be be jumping for joy that someone asked for our pic.


 
Becky, we always seem to get the same men pursuing us and our lovely pics, don't we? Its because we are so luscious and enticing.  I really hate those cookie cutter messages though.


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## ValentineBBW (Oct 30, 2010)

Lovelyone said:


> Becky, we always seem to get the same men pursuing us and our lovely pics, don't we? Its because we are so luscious and enticing.  I really hate those cookie cutter messages though.



Yep we sure do and because we are 

I hate the cookie cutter messages too, in fact the other day I received an email and the guy was so dumb, he sent out the same email to 4 other women! They were all listed in the "TO" section of the email heading. :doh:


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## tonynyc (Oct 30, 2010)

ValentineBBW said:


> Yep we sure do and because we are
> 
> I hate the cookie cutter messages too, in fact the other day I received an email and *the guy was so dumb, he sent out the same email to 4 other women! They were all listed in the "TO" section of the email heading*. :doh:



Sounds like a twix moment


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 31, 2010)

Lovelyone said:


> My most recent private message from a random man who I do not know on here:
> 
> "Hi, you are beautiful! Can I have some pics please?"
> I should have responded...that there are plenty of pics of beautiful women on this site that he can oggle if he is looking for a fantasy woman.
> ...





thirtiesgirl said:


> I would respond to him with, "why, certainly, hon, I'll send you all the pics you like." And then overload his inbox with LOLCats, scary clowns, funny looking dogs, and photoshopped sunsets.





ValentineBBW said:


> hehe I got the same message and wanted to respond the same as you did but figured it would just give this person a chance to shoot back a vicious response as most normally do. As if we should be be jumping for joy that someone asked for our pic.




Hate to say that I haven't logged in for a while but that same message was waiting for me. 

I don't even bother with a response 9 x out of 10 but 30s girl is a little devil that gives me ideas


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## CastingPearls (Oct 31, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I would respond to him with, "why, certainly, hon, I'll send you all the pics you like." And then overload his inbox with LOLCats, scary clowns, funny looking dogs, and photoshopped sunsets.


That's just beautiful. I have an entire LOLCats arsenal ...heh...


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 31, 2010)

I guess I'm good for something, huh?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 31, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> I guess I'm good for something, huh?



Devilishly good


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