# What's the difference?



## Szombathy (Oct 21, 2010)

This may be related to the objectification threads, but I want to frame the question a little differently.

It seems to me that if a man who was dating a woman suddenly "came to terms" with the fact that he had a strong preference for women with big boobs, and left his girlfriend to seek out big-boobed women, he would be rightly condemned for being a shallow, narrow minded jerk who was thinking with an implement below the waist rather than with his head.

Why should coming to terms with a preference for BBW, and/or leaving a thinner women to seek out a fatter woman more to one's preference, be treated any differently?


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## blubberismanly (Oct 21, 2010)

I think it's because thin, big breasted women are generally seen as more beautiful than "fat chicks." Also, there isn't much audience for breast size acceptance as the bigger they are the more market able they become within the dating pool. I think the size acceptance community was intended to combat that exact mentality (that skinny with huge, likely implanted, boobs are the most attractive).

As far as it being treated differently, yes. I think it should. Fat people are refused jobs and medical care because of their weight. Big breasted women get jobs, preferential treatment and a host of social perks simply because they have big breasts. Of coarse, said women would have to show them off in some way, with revealing clothing or form fitting stuff. But the bottom line is the same. Society sees skinny with big jugs as the perfect physique, and being fat, round and not having protruding ribs under massive implants as ugly and obscene. 

Okay, that last part was a bit extreme, but it's more of an attitude than a practiced thing. You get the idea.


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## Russ2d (Oct 21, 2010)

Szombathy said:


> This may be related to the objectification threads, but I want to frame the question a little differently.
> 
> It seems to me that if a man who was dating a woman suddenly "came to terms" with the fact that he had a strong preference for women with big boobs, and left his girlfriend to seek out big-boobed women, he would be rightly condemned for being a shallow, narrow minded jerk who was thinking with an implement below the waist rather than with his head.
> 
> Why should coming to terms with a preference for BBW, and/or leaving a thinner women to seek out a fatter woman more to one's preference, be treated any differently?




Because in the long run faking intimacy with someone you're not physically attracted to doesn't work, ever. Life is too short to cater to such silly fabrications as 'objectification'... be honest with who you are and what you desire and go find someone with whom you are truly compatible, mentally and physically. It's really that simple.


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## Tau (Oct 21, 2010)

Russ2d said:


> Because in the long run faking intimacy with someone you're not physically attracted to doesn't work, ever. Life is too short to cater to such silly fabrications as 'objectification'... be honest with who you are and what you desire and go find someone with whom you are truly compatible, mentally and physically. It's really that simple.



I think though that this can only work if people who leave their partners because they _gain _weight aren't treated like shallow fucks cos then we're being hypocritical.


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## Dmitra (Oct 21, 2010)

Szombathy said:


> This may be related to the objectification threads, but I want to frame the question a little differently.
> 
> It seems to me that if a man who was dating a woman suddenly "came to terms" with the fact that he had a strong preference for women with big boobs, and left his girlfriend to seek out big-boobed women, he would be rightly condemned for being a shallow, narrow minded jerk who was thinking with an implement below the waist rather than with his head.
> 
> Why should coming to terms with a preference for BBW, and/or leaving a thinner women to seek out a fatter woman more to one's preference, be treated any differently?



For me, at least, in each case it'd seem like there wasn't a whole lot of genuine love involved if a simple preference could derail an entire relationship. I mean, I know the usual blah blah blah <insert sex> are more visual, more looks dependent, and I am just not buying it. If you can't like/love someone you're already involved with who doesn't meet your "preference" then that's when it begins to cross the line over into "fetish" in my opinion, just the same as if it was only carnal interest being thwarted by non-big-boobiness or non-fattiness.

I'd be extremely uncomfortable, not turned on or grateful, for instance, if say, fatty-loving Ferdinand informed me that he'd left his skinny girlfriend just to pursue BBWs. If the relationship being dropped was still in the formative dating stages it wouldn't be as bad but it'd still be harsh. In the general view, I think both of these examples from Szombathy represent shallow, generative organ brained jerks. In the more specific view? It depends.


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## littlefairywren (Oct 21, 2010)

Dmitra said:


> For me, at least, in each case it'd seem like there wasn't a whole lot of genuine love involved if a simple preference could derail an entire relationship. I mean, I know the usual blah blah blah <insert sex> are more visual, more looks dependent, and I am just not buying it. If you can't like/love someone you're already involved with who doesn't meet your "preference" then that's when it begins to cross the line over into "fetish" in my opinion, just the same as if it was only carnal interest being thwarted by non-big-boobiness or non-fattiness.
> 
> I'd be extremely uncomfortable, not turned on or grateful, for instance, if say, fatty-loving Ferdinand informed me that he'd left his skinny girlfriend just to pursue BBWs. If the relationship being dropped was still in the formative dating stages it wouldn't be as bad but it'd still be harsh. In the general view, I think both of these examples from Szombathy represent shallow, generative organ brained jerks. In the more specific view? It depends.



I can't rep you, because I have been overexcited in my repping in the last 24 hrs.....whatever! Would someone please rep this wonderful woman for me.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 21, 2010)

My thinking is, if a guy is with a woman that he's really in love with he won't just leave her at the drop of a hat because he recognizes that his physical preference has changed. _That's_ what I find shallow and narrow minded, not that his preference has changed.

Physical preference is part of attraction, but only part. Emotional and mental connections are important, too, and if a guy is willing to forsake those to chase after a simple physical preference, whether it's for fat women or women with a more 'socially acceptable' body shape, that shows a lack of depth that I'd prefer to avoid.


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## Webmaster (Oct 22, 2010)

People leave partners for all sorts of reasons. A relationship was never meant to be. A relationship has run its course. People have changed. Someone did something stupid. There are unforeseen circumstances. It happens. All the time, every day, to everyone and anyone. Pontificating that it shouldn't be that way and that everyone should neatly live a perfect life is really pointless. Things change, and if a person comes to the conclusion that spending the rest of his/her life in a relationship that is unfulfilling and not right just to please friends, family and societal ideals makes no sense, then I'd say that is perfectly understandable.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 22, 2010)

blubberismanly said:


> I think it's because thin, big breasted women are generally seen as more beautiful than "fat chicks." Also, there isn't much audience for breast size acceptance as the bigger they are the more market able they become within the dating pool. I think the size acceptance community was intended to combat that exact mentality (that skinny with huge, likely implanted, boobs are the most attractive).
> 
> As far as it being treated differently, yes. I think it should. Fat people are refused jobs and medical care because of their weight. Big breasted women get jobs, preferential treatment and a host of social perks simply because they have big breasts. Of coarse, said women would have to show them off in some way, with revealing clothing or form fitting stuff. But the bottom line is the same. Society sees skinny with big jugs as the perfect physique, and being fat, round and not having protruding ribs under massive implants as ugly and obscene.
> 
> Okay, that last part was a bit extreme, but it's more of an attitude than a practiced thing. You get the idea.



42D here, and I've yet to have any of the things you write here be true for me. I think you're generalizing and using stereotypes to inform your opinion.


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## natepogue (Oct 22, 2010)

I get erectile dysfunction if the girl is thin. It's happened more than once and I dont care to do it again when I know a BBW or at least chubby girl will solve this problem and more than likely have a personality I enjoy as well.

So basically, if I'm shallow for not wanting to shoot pool with a rope, then I'm shallow!


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## Blockierer (Oct 22, 2010)

natepogue said:


> I get erectile dysfunction if the girl is thin. ........


And then the skinny girl will leave you, soon or later.  Poor boy


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## natepogue (Oct 22, 2010)

Blockierer said:


> And then the skinny girl will leave you, soon or later.  Poor boy



The funny part is, I'm good friends with two of the small girls I've had sexual experiences with and both of them know why and one of them always updates me on what she's eating and how she wants to be a BBW. She sometimes sends me photos and video of random internet women when we chat to get my opinion on them.


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## AmazingAmy (Oct 23, 2010)

Like other people have suggested, it partly stems from fat chicks being percieved as less coveted than skinny ones, and to leave a coveted skinny chick for a fatty... well, it looks like the reverse of being shallow because you're essentially giving up the hotter ass for what some people might percieve as a charity case. Like, isn't he such a good guy for wanting that fattie for what's on the _inside_, because he obviously can't be going with her for her _looks_, God no. Because fatties aren't physical hot, ya see. We're just _nice_. But as you've already guessed (and before anyone jumps on my arse), that would be the reasoning of someone who isn't an FA.

I, personally, don't think it's shallow... or, more specifically, I don't think it does any good to call it shallow because at the end of the day people like what they like, and a good percentage of attraction comes down to the physical stuff. Awesome for those of us who are 100% spiritual and don't give a shit about what our partner looks like, but the rest of us are human; if we see someone more physically favourable to us and there aren't enough feelings with the current partner to keep us from wandering, we're going to go. It's not shallow, it's life. We can't instantly fall in unconditional love with whoever we're already with to stop ourselves from leaving. It's not like we fall for others to hurt the one we're already with, so throwing around judgements like 'shallow' really doesn't help.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Oct 25, 2010)

Szombathy said:


> This may be related to the objectification threads, but I want to frame the question a little differently.
> 
> It seems to me that if a man who was dating a woman suddenly "came to terms" with the fact that he had a strong preference for women with big boobs, and left his girlfriend to seek out big-boobed women, he would be rightly condemned for being a shallow, narrow minded jerk who was thinking with an implement below the waist rather than with his head.
> 
> Why should coming to terms with a preference for BBW, and/or leaving a thinner women to seek out a fatter woman more to one's preference, be treated any differently?



To be blunt, I think if an F/FA was in a relationship with a thin woman/man and coming to terms with being a fat admirer ended the relationship, it wasn't a good relationship to start with. Basically if a fat admirer was already in love with a thin person and the relationship was strong, the F/FA's exploration of being a fat admirer would probably be limited to "oh, other people find fat people attractive too?" They may want to understand that part of themselves better, but really they wouldn't put much thought into it since they would not be looking for a new partner because they're already happy. On the other hand, a fat admirer who is already unhappy with a thin partner should get the hell out of that relationship ASAP. You don't do yourself or your partner any favors by staying with them because you're afraid other people will call you shallow. You're just wasting both of your lives precious and most likely leading your partner down the road to unhappiness and eroding her/his self esteem.(That's the general you by the way, not you the OP ) People know when a relationship isn't right. People know when their partner doesn't find them attractive/doesn't enjoy being with them, no matter how hard a partner tries to hide it. So I don't think this is about shallowness. Some people can be happy with different sizes or even with someone who is not their physical ideal, some can't. But it's really not fair to the partner in question to stay just because you don't want to seem shallow. Who wants to be with someone who's settling for them?


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## ManBeef (Oct 25, 2010)

My OPINION is this. If you leave anyone solely for the purpose of finding someone else that is more attractive... strictly looking for something you find visually appealing not taking the persons personality or anything else into consideration then at that point you are shallow. No matter if they are bigger or smaller. The point is you left because you wanted someone or a feature that you found hotter. This is just my opinion.


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## Chimpi (Oct 26, 2010)

I think some guys will leave a partner because they want to be with someone they're more attracted to. That's pretty shitty, in my opinion.
I think some guys will leave a partner because they have changed in some way. Realizing they desire something different for any number of reasons. It sucks, absolutely, but it is what it is and it's a relatively natural part of life (as Webmaster stated).

If you find a girl more attractive because she has bigger boobs than the woman you're with and you leave your partner to be with said bigger boobed woman, then you're shallow.
If you find a girl more attractive because she has bigger boobs than the woman you're with and you stay with your partner because you love her and wouldn't be with anyone other than her, then you're not shallow.
If you find a girl more attractive because she has bigger boobs than the woman you're with and you stay with your partner because you're afraid of being shallow, but do not find fulfillment in your relationship, then you're not being honest with yourself and need to save your partner and yourself from more heartache. Either love her, or follow your 'realization' of what you want (who you want to be) and go with that.

It's natural. It's not always pretty, but it's natural. Progress to better things; progress to bettering yourself.
That's the way I see it anyway.


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## Venom (Oct 27, 2010)

I think that there has to be physical attraction and chemistry in a relationship otherwise you are just better off as friends. I don't find skinny guys attractive, I have tried and it was a disaster and we both realized it. I don't care if it means that I am shallow but I won't be with a person unless I find them physically arousing, but there is also so much more that I look for in a guy than just looks.


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