# Chasing Clout/Riding A Trend



## Donna (Mar 21, 2022)

A friend got me hooked on TikTok last summer ( I don’t post, but I damn sure like to watch) and I started noticing video after video of guys saying they’re into “larger” or “plus size” women. These guys extoll the virtues of stretch marks, squishy tummies, and big booties, never specifically saying they’re FA directly. A bit of ambiguous language. And these are very conventionally attractive men, most of whom are young (20-40.) At first I thought “Hallelujah! Perhaps size acceptance is winning.”

I celebrated too quickly, however. More and more, it’s coming out that these boys are using BBW to earn followers and standing on social media. If they do actually date a fat women (usually on the smaller end of the fat spectrum, as close to the socially accepted norm as they can find*,) they still won’t do so publicly. I cannot decide what’s more disappointing, an FA who hides their preferences, or these false FA riding a trend? Either way, we’re still just objects. 

*please note: I am not throwing shade at or putting down those women on the other end of the spectrum from me. We all have our preferences, but dammit, why is it so damned hard to own one’s own feelings? Apparently self awareness, like common sense, is a curse and not the blessing I believe it to be.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Mar 23, 2022)

Someone who is seriously concerned about his popularity on social media is liable to be an extravert. Extraverts need public affirmation to be sure of themselves: if nobody publicly disapproves of what you do, it indicates that you're on the right track. An unfortunate corollary is that if nobody disapproves of what you've done because nobody _knows_ about it, you're not doing anything wrong. Most successful politicians are extraverts.


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## BigElectricKat (Mar 23, 2022)

Donna said:


> A friend got me hooked on TikTok last summer ( I don’t post, but I damn sure like to watch) and I started noticing video after video of guys saying they’re into “larger” or “plus size” women. These guys extoll the virtues of stretch marks, squishy tummies, and big booties, never specifically saying they’re FA directly. A bit of ambiguous language. And these are very conventionally attractive men, most of whom are young (20-40.) At first I thought “Hallelujah! Perhaps size acceptance is winning.”
> 
> I celebrated too quickly, however. More and more, it’s coming out that these boys are using BBW to earn followers and standing on social media. If they do actually date a fat women (usually on the smaller end of the fat spectrum, as close to the socially accepted norm as they can find*,) they still won’t do so publicly. I cannot decide what’s more disappointing, an FA who hides their preferences, or these false FA riding a trend? Either way, we’re still just objects.
> 
> *please note: I am not throwing shade at or putting down those women on the other end of the spectrum from me. We all have our preferences, but dammit, why is it so damned hard to own one’s own feelings? Apparently self awareness, like common sense, is a curse and not the blessing I believe it to be.


I don’t know; I find self-awareness to be an admirable and highly alluring quality. But that’s just me. I can’t speak for the masses.


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## agouderia (Mar 23, 2022)

Donna - I think you've fallen victim toTikTok's viewing reinforcement algorithms. Once such plattforms notice your interest they will constantly offer you more of the same thus keeping you in your own mental bubble.

Because looking at general public media across several countries, my impression clearly is that Covid19 has led to less size positive coverage and more & more "body positivity" activists either openly or just obviously losing weight.


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## Donna (Mar 23, 2022)

I’m an idiot when it comes to social media. I don’t know hashtags from hash browns, so it never occurred my “for you page” was driven by an algorithm. Ugh. I watch so many different things, from cute talking animals, to book content, sci-fi, cosplayers (they’re so damned creative,) some spicy content , BBW relationships and fashion.


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## cinnamitch (Mar 25, 2022)

Donna said:


> I’m an idiot when it comes to social media. I don’t know hashtags from hash browns, so it never occurred my “for you page” was driven by an algorithm. Ugh. I watch so many different things, from cute talking animals, to book content, sci-fi, cosplayers (they’re so damned creative,) some spicy content , BBW relationships and fashion.


Mmmmm, hash browns. Much better than hash tags.


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## tracii 4591 (Mar 27, 2022)

Never been on tictok but have seen some tictok videos on you tube and some of the people on there I would call crazy.
Like the lady that had her uterus removed and placed in a jar.
Who would do that?
Then think it was a good idea to put it on social media and brag about it.


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## waldo (Mar 28, 2022)

tracii 4591 said:


> Never been on tictok but have seen some tictok videos on you tube and some of the people on there I would call crazy.
> Like the lady that had her uterus removed and placed in a jar.
> Who would do that?
> Then think it was a good idea to put it on social media and brag about it.


wow and I thought it was weird to have your deceased pet stuffed and put on display in your house. TikTok seems like the current place for the wackiest of the Whackos to hang out and post crap! Sad to hear it is being used by some A-holes to jerk people around and give us FAs further negative public image.


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## tracii 4591 (Mar 28, 2022)

Never been on TikTok, instagram, Twitter or KiK because the people are just horrible to others.
Fat shaming you ask? I have had my share of fat insults hurled at me in real life so put up with more online no thanks.


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## Donna (Mar 28, 2022)

Fat shaming is everywhere, though. Like you said, you get it in “real life” (I’m not sure online isn’t real, in itself, I prefer online versus offline, YMMV,) as do I. Online, I tend to have more of a guard up, even in places I consider “safe”, like Dims. The same anonymity that allows people to be assholes, though, also allows others to express positives about themselves and others that they may not be as comfortable doing in real life. 

I can’t blame social media sites for the bad behavior of a few, as much as that behavior infuriates or hurts me. I’m not able to get out into the offline world these days because of my physical disability. If it wasn’t for social media, I would be very lonely and very isolated. I’ve spent too much time and emotion in therapy battling a crippling social anxiety to ensconce myself in a safe cave. In short, I’m willing to take the risk in order to reap the benefits.

My original point, which I think I might have communicated poorly, is frustration over being used as a trend. It just reduces me, and others like me, to objects. The proverbial headless fatty, or the fetish object many who claim to be FAs say they want to love and admire, but in actuality are just using as a tool for their pleasure.

I think I’ve perhaps overthought things, as I tend to do.


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## BigElectricKat (Mar 28, 2022)

Donna said:


> My original point, which I think I might have communicated poorly, is frustration over being used as a trend. It just reduces me, and others like me, to objects. The proverbial headless fatty, or the fetish object many who claim to be FAs say they want to love and admire, but in actuality are just using as a tool for their pleasure.


Sadly, this is a big part of the human condition. As others will attest, I've espoused the idea (it's less an idea and more of a fact) that everybody that you come into contact with, no matter how briefly, wants something from you (and by default, you from them). How we navigate through society (or life in general) comes to a series of _wants and wills_: Can you discern what someone wants from you AND are you willing to give them what they want and in turn (hopefully) get what you want from them.

I know this sounds like an over-simplification of the interactions between people; some of us feel all of our relationships are much more complex than that. But I observe this as a basic breakdown of our lives. Parents want love and respect from their children. Children want protection, guidance, and (even though they don't know it) discipline from their parents. Lovers want intimacy and in many cases monogamy from each other. Your doctor wants you to follow their orders and you want him or her to cure your ills. The cashier at the grocery store wants you to pay your bill, maybe give them a smile or hello and not ask for anything in that locked cage! You get the idea.

I get not wanting to just be an object in someone else's eyes (that doesn't just happen to women yo know). And I fully support everyone's desire to find true and lasting companionship in this world. But as you stated, there is risk to putting one's self out there. We just have to be willing to reap the reward or deal with the consequences.

Good luck to all!


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## tracii 4591 (Mar 28, 2022)

Donna I do get your point indeed.


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## Donna (Mar 28, 2022)

I’m sorry I’ve come off as bitter or harsh (or both) in this thread. I tend to over-analyze and then knee-jerk react.


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## BigElectricKat (Mar 29, 2022)

Donna said:


> I’m sorry I’ve come off as bitter or harsh (or both) in this thread. I tend to over-analyze and then knee-jerk react.


I don't think that you are either of those things. You're just speaking the truth with a great deal of clarity. Nothing wrong with that.


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## tracii 4591 (Mar 29, 2022)

Not bitter or harsh at all IMO.
Closet FAs need to own their preference I agree with that.
When you said "either way we are objects" I think thats very true as well.


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## mathfa (Mar 29, 2022)

I really agree with your viewpoint. That's why I've always tried to own my preference. My girlfriend knows, a few close friends know from conversations about our preferences, and I will gladly be seen in public with my beautiful lady 

The people who use this to gain clout are no better than those that use being gay or non-binary for clout, they are low-lifes.


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## waldo (Apr 2, 2022)

Well, I told my wife about this thread and........ I had never been on TikTok, but she has and went on there and proceeded to show me some related content. My God!!, there seems an abundance of video clips on there from SSBBWs. So many very fat and very pretty young gals! We didn't end up looking at any of the content from the so-called FAs. Maybe next time. But Dayum, are there a lot of big hotties out there


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## Donna (Apr 2, 2022)

waldo said:


> Well, I told my wife about this thread and........ I had never been on TikTok, but she has and went on there and proceeded to show me some related content. My God!!, there seems an abundance of video clips on there from SSBBWs. So many very fat and very pretty young gals! We didn't end up looking at any of the content from the so-called FAs. Maybe next time. But Dayum, are there a lot of big hotties out there



I’ve had a crash course in algorithm driven social media content and I can proudly boast I’m no longer confused by hashtags. My FYP has improved because I understand how to respond to the media I like and block out the crap. I’m even considering actually going on camera myself. 

Apparently you CAN teach an old dog new tricks.


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## waldo (Apr 2, 2022)

Donna said:


> I’ve had a crash course in algorithm driven social media content and I can proudly boast I’m no longer confused by hashtags. My FYP has improved because I understand how to respond to the media I like and block out the crap. I’m even considering actually going on camera myself.
> 
> Apparently you CAN teach an old dog new tricks.



Speak for yourself. LOL. Anyways, what is FYP?
So at first I wasn't quite clicking with remembering you until you temporarily put your old avatar pick up and then I was: OH it's THAT Donna. BTW, glad you switched back to the more recent pic. You look good - as we know, one of the benefits of being fat is looking actually younger as you age than the corresponding skinnies of same age do. Have you thought of getting your hair dyed that hot red color again? Regardless, I kind of like the natural look too.


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## Donna (Apr 2, 2022)

waldo said:


> Speak for yourself. LOL. Anyways, what is FYP?
> So at first I wasn't quite clicking with remembering you until you temporarily put your old avatar pick up and then I was: OH it's THAT Donna. BTW, glad you switched back to the more recent pic. You look good - as we know, one of the benefits of being fat is looking actually younger as you age than the corresponding skinnies of same age do. Have you thought of getting your hair dyed that hot red color again? Regardless, I kind of like the natural look too.


FYP = For You Page…there are two pages (more like channels) on TikTok, Following & FYP. Your Following page shows only videos by creators you have followed, regardless of date or topic. The FYP shows a mixture of videos from accounts you follow and content related to the algorithm. The algorithm looks at the content of the accounts you follow, current trending topics, and other random topics. If you watch videos multiple times, you will see more videos based on that topic. Also, blocking content and/or creators you don’t like effects your FYP algorithm as well.

“THAT Donna”? Should I be worried?  I know I had a few moments in the Hyde Park days arguing against misogyny, misandry, myopia and the willfully obtuse. But I really didn’t think anyone noticed, other than a handful of friends.

As for my hair color, it’s going to remain gray. I’ve earned every single one of them.


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## waldo (Apr 3, 2022)

Donna said:


> FYP = For You Page…there are two pages (more like channels) on TikTok, Following & FYP. Your Following page shows only videos by creators you have followed, regardless of date or topic. The FYP shows a mixture of videos from accounts you follow and content related to the algorithm. The algorithm looks at the content of the accounts you follow, current trending topics, and other random topics. If you watch videos multiple times, you will see more videos based on that topic. Also, blocking content and/or creators you don’t like effects your FYP algorithm as well.
> 
> “THAT Donna”? Should I be worried?  I know I had a few moments in the Hyde Park days arguing against misogyny, misandry, myopia and the willfully obtuse. But I really didn’t think anyone noticed, other than a handful of friends.
> 
> As for my hair color, it’s going to remain gray. I’ve earned every single one of them.



Thanks for the FYP explanation.
THAT Donna: naw, nothing to do with forum arguments. Oh I bet I got your curiosity up now. I'll send you a PM.
As for the hair: honey I bet I have more greys than you, even though the top is getting really thin. Grey hair for the win!


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## TwoSwords (Apr 7, 2022)

Donna said:


> A friend got me hooked on TikTok last summer ( I don’t post, but I damn sure like to watch) and I started noticing video after video of guys saying they’re into “larger” or “plus size” women. These guys extoll the virtues of stretch marks, squishy tummies, and big booties, never specifically saying they’re FA directly. A bit of ambiguous language. And these are very conventionally attractive men, most of whom are young (20-40.) At first I thought “Hallelujah! Perhaps size acceptance is winning.”
> 
> I celebrated too quickly, however. More and more, it’s coming out that these boys are using BBW to earn followers and standing on social media. If they do actually date a fat women (usually on the smaller end of the fat spectrum, as close to the socially accepted norm as they can find*,) they still won’t do so publicly. I cannot decide what’s more disappointing, an FA who hides their preferences, or these false FA riding a trend? Either way, we’re still just objects.
> 
> *please note: I am not throwing shade at or putting down those women on the other end of the spectrum from me. We all have our preferences, but dammit, why is it so damned hard to own one’s own feelings? Apparently self awareness, like common sense, is a curse and not the blessing I believe it to be.



Actually, it seems like a form of madness that some people get from social media, and it's not isolated to just fat issues. For example, a normal guy in college decided to ask this girl he liked on a date (I heard this story about a year ago from someone online.) He turned the corner of the building, and there she was, so he asked her if she wanted to go out.

The girl's response was "Oh, my! I can't believe it! Can you come around the corner and say that again, so I can get it on my phone?"

Of course, he said no, and she got upset, so he took off and gave up on her.

The moral of the story is; the "friends" you meet online are, for the most part, not real friends, and their opinions when they upvote posts of yours don't necessarily mean anything in real life, so don't treat them like they matter more than real people. As this story indicates, some people can get so lost in social media, that they forget to keep their real lives separate.


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