# FA code of conduct:



## stan_der_man (Mar 5, 2007)

FA code of conduct:
I don't remember off hand there being a thread having been done on this subject... The idea of this thread is to make a list of things that make for being a good FA whether that is a female or male FA. Things that make the fat people that we admire comfortable with this admiration and just simply to make their lives better: 

Here's my contribution...

1.) Don't dwell on the fat. It's sort of like a guy being obsessed with a girl's boobs, or a girl with a guy's penis. There are other things to appreciate.

2.) Try to avoid things that put the fat person you admire in an awkward or uncomfortable position. Think ahead. For example, avoid places that they don't fit or doing things that they are too heavy for etc. If your significant other is a super sized person, you will probably have to get rid of the Mazda Miata, or Suzuki Samurai.

Please add to the list...


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## Emma (Mar 5, 2007)

3.) Don't assume a BBW will fall at your feet just because you're an FA. We're not easier than 'normal' women. We have standards, types and whatnot.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 5, 2007)

I am a person first, above all else. The first question you ask me should not be "How much do you weigh?" Get to know me, the person, first, and in time we can talk about my body. Do not think that I want to cyber or talk about sex within 5 minutes of starting to talk to you. Just like in real life, if you want me to talk about sex, you have to get me comfortable first.

I am more than the sum of my fat rolls. Adore me, adore the whole package - not just my body.


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## Placebo (Mar 5, 2007)

pst mor pix pleezzz! thanx! 


just kidding


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 5, 2007)

GREAT Thread..... 

THANK YOU!!!!!!!



fa_man_stan said:


> Don't dwell on the fat.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 5, 2007)

Don't say stupid things that make me feel even worse for being my size.

Examples 

"Badmitten is for slow people." After I said I like such things.

And...." I could so kick your ass at basketball." No shit! comes to mind.



I'm not going to say who said those things but it was a HE and he is about 235lbs and tall...of course he could kick my ass at sports...was a dumb thing to say......but even the people who love you most make stupid comments that make you feel like an invalid.


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## Tooz (Mar 5, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> 1.) Don't dwell on the fat.



Actually, I'd amend this to "pay attention to what they want." I mean, what if s/he WANTS you to dwell on it? Not dwelling on it might have a negative effect. So, I'd say "Figure out what the fat person wants [regarding this] and act accordingly."


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## Tooz (Mar 5, 2007)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> "Badmitten is for slow people." After I said I like such things.



Badminton is SO totally not for slow people. Not the way I play it, anyway. 

I LOVE Badminton.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 5, 2007)

tooz said:


> Badminton is SO totally not for slow people. Not the way I play it, anyway.
> 
> I LOVE Badminton.




ME TOO!!!!!! But SOMEONE wont play with me cos "its for slow people"...sometimes boys REALLLLLLY suck, lol. You wanna come play with me


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## Tooz (Mar 5, 2007)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> ME TOO!!!!!! But SOMEONE wont play with me cos "its for slow people"...sometimes boys REALLLLLLY suck, lol. You wanna come play with me



OMG, yes. If I ever come over there (like I really, really want to!) I will TOTALLY come find you and we will play!


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## prickly (Mar 5, 2007)

.........firstly, i played badminton to a reasonably good level, and it is a wickedly fast game. watch the olympics competition next time, it's pretty amazing.

secondly, re FA code of conduct:

Rule 3, or whatever) Don't forget to ask bra and pantie size.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 5, 2007)

prickly said:


> secondly, re FA code of conduct:
> 
> Rule 3, or whatever) Don't forget to ask bra and pantie size.




no no no no no. you should NOT ask bra and pantie size til you already know the person. That's like someone asking you how long your penis is. come no now. We are people...not just numbers and stats.


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## prickly (Mar 5, 2007)

.......if you tell me your bra and panties size, i'll tell you how long my peenissss is. in fact, i'll tell you anyway. it's HUUUUUGGGGEEEEEE. i mean weally, weally MASSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEE. it is, honest.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 5, 2007)

lol....WELL...in that case....Im an 84 JJJ and my panty size is 100


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## Tooz (Mar 5, 2007)

prickly said:


> .......if you tell me your bra and panties size, i'll tell you how long my peenissss is. in fact, i'll tell you anyway. it's HUUUUUGGGGEEEEEE. i mean weally, weally MASSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEE. it is, honest.



... Uhhh.....


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## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 5, 2007)

prickly said:


> .......if you tell me your bra and panties size, i'll tell you how long my peenissss is. in fact, i'll tell you anyway. it's HUUUUUGGGGEEEEEE. i mean weally, weally MASSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEE. it is, honest.


No matter what your mother told you, 4 inches is not massive.


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## prickly (Mar 5, 2007)

..........it's not just her though, i tell it to myself also. that makes two of us.


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## SoCoCare (Mar 5, 2007)

tx, bigbeautifulme! I was just typing out how when boys feel the need to talk about size, "massive" is usually the last adjective i'd use to describe their bits&pieces. that and "ginormous." but you are so right on! couldn't have said it better myself!


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## dragorat (Mar 5, 2007)

*Always be a gentleman!Nothing turns a lady off more than listening to some moron trying to impress a lady by talking about the size of his or her body parts!At least as opening conversation.You must remember that she is a human being...NOT some side off meat for you to consume.Getting to know what's inside can lead to greater rewards than just acting like a little kid in a candy store!If the lady wants you to get a little more "playful" she'll let you know. *


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## prickly (Mar 5, 2007)

..........but i am a moron and i always get my cock out first, figuratively if not literally.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 5, 2007)

Not a good plan around women with sharp objects.

Just sayin'.


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 5, 2007)

I've heard some great ones so far.  

-Hold your preference with at least some honor. You don't have to be a open book and yell it to the world, but always tell the truth when asked about the subject. It doesn't matter whether you only speak of it around family and close friends, or if you have a picture of a fat person tattooed on your arm.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 5, 2007)

Bingo!! Right on the money...... thanks!!




dragorat said:


> *Always be a gentleman!Nothing turns a lady off more than listening to some moron trying to impress a lady by talking about the size of his or her body parts!At least as opening conversation.You must remember that she is a human being...NOT some side off meat for you to consume.Getting to know what's inside can lead to greater rewards than just acting like a little kid in a candy store!If the lady wants you to get a little more "playful" she'll let you know. *


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## magnoliagrows (Mar 5, 2007)

If you're an FA and through getting to know a BBW you find out that she really wants to lose weight because she thinks she would be happier DON'T try to talk her out of it. I think its okay to state your preference but trying to talk her out of something she feels she needs really disrespects her knowledge of her self, undermines confidence etc., just for the sake of your own desires. 

Make sure a BBW wants to be a BBW before getting so close that you, the FA, would be super invested in her staying that way. Relationships should be about helping each person become whoever it is they have been born to be - not about trying to make someone into what you want them to be.


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## stan_der_man (Mar 5, 2007)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Don't say stupid things that make me feel even worse for being my size.
> 
> Examples
> ...And...." I could so kick your ass at basketball." No shit! comes to mind.
> ...



Remind people making such derogatory comments that you could probably slam them to the ground in a wrestling match, there are plenty of contact sports where you could easily kick their asses... There is no such thing as a better body, just a different body.



Jon Blaze said:


> I've heard some great ones so far.
> 
> -Hold your preference with at least some honor. You don't have to be a open book and yell it to the world, but always tell the truth when asked about the subject. It doesn't matter whether you only speak of it around family and close friends, or if you have a picture of a fat person tattooed on your arm.



Jon you are absolutely right! The idea of keeping respectable should apply to all relationships weather FA or non FA...



magnoliagrows said:


> If you're an FA and through getting to know a BBW you find out that she really wants to lose weight because she thinks she would be happier DON'T try to talk her out of it. I think its okay to state your preference but trying to talk her out of something she feels she needs really disrespects her knowledge of her self, undermines confidence etc., just for the sake of your own desires.
> 
> Make sure a BBW wants to be a BBW before getting so close that you, the FA, would be super invested in her staying that way. Relationships should be about helping each person become whoever it is they have been born to be - not about trying to make someone into what you want them to be.



That's also a very good point! There are some unique things about being a FA, but there are some things that I think we'll find are universial to all relationships. Respect for the other person is definately one!

fa_man_stan


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## ripley (Mar 5, 2007)

--Just because I refer to myself as fat does not mean that I will be amenable to being called piggy, fatty, blubbery, or lardy.


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## ReallyNiceFellow (Mar 5, 2007)

I've dated a number of women, some of whom were quite large, and some of whom were pretty tiny.

Personality, heart, kindness, sassiness, intelligence, sense of adventure, warmth, sensuality.....every person has their own mix.

And when it all comes togther, your size, colour, looks and age really don't matter.

However, I do like being sat upon. But that's just an aside.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 5, 2007)

THANK YOU!!! I agree wholeheartedly!!!




ripley said:


> --Just because I refer to myself as fat does not mean that I will be amenable to being called piggy, fatty, blubbery, or lardy.


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## stan_der_man (Mar 5, 2007)

ripley said:


> --Just because I refer to myself as fat does not mean that I will be amenable to being called piggy, fatty, blubbery, or lardy.



That's a really good point Ripley! I actually remember a post a few years back where somebody stated that they hated having their fat be refered to as "blubber". Unless the fat person is comfortable with that reference (and the other person knows it is OK to say that...) I can see that as being disrespectful. That could probably be included in "don't dwell on the fat and when you speak of it, refer to it properly as such...".

In the literal sense, interchanging the terms fat and blubber is technically incorrect anyway. Fat and blubber have different cell structures (I hang around biologists too much; I know...)

fa_man_stan


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## stan_der_man (Mar 5, 2007)

*You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Violet_Beauregard again.
*



Violet_Beauregard said:


> GREAT Thread.....
> 
> THANK YOU!!!!!!!



BTW Violet, thanks for the kudos! You are always there even on the threads that I've started where tumbleweeds blow by and crickets chirp...

Stan


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## wrestlingguy (Mar 5, 2007)

Do you guys really want me to start? I will be teaching a class called FA-101 at Dimensions University.

The curriculum will be posted shortly.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 5, 2007)

Stan, you're always on the money!! You sure you're married??? Yes?.... DARN! You're wife is one lucky woman..... You two must be VERY in tune.... 

Thanks sweetie....




fa_man_stan said:


> *You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Violet_Beauregard again.
> *
> 
> 
> ...


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## Chimpi (Mar 5, 2007)

I must go with the flow and reiterate the fact that a Big Beautiful Woman of any size is a person first and foremost. Respecting her is one of the most important things you, as a "Fat Admirer" can do. Above all else, she is a women. And then a fat woman. (Or getting technical, a fat man on the flipside)

It is also important, in my opinion, to distinctly find out what she (or he, on the flipside) wants from her life and her body for any assumptions or facts are made. Said assumptions or facts [held within the "Fat Admirer"'s brain] can lead to great disappointment and unhappiness.

Not to mention that, it is also a very good idea, methinks, to compliment everything else other than the size of her body (or any part of her body, for that matter) in the beginning and throughout the relationship in order to maintain a well-spread love for her as a person (Note: Rather, not compliments, but truths).
All three (3) things I have stated I believe have been stated or discussed. I cannot think of anything new to add, but only add upon that which has been stated/discussed.


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 6, 2007)

-Remember that although the chances of your physical attraction solely being attributed to the added flesh of your partner is high, Fat Admiration is a preference. Realize that your partner is human, and in order for it to be a preference, you must find perks and(or) flaws about your partner that are not directly aligned to their bodyweight. That isn't just personality either. It can be anything: Shared hobbies, shared views on politics and life, shared tastes in things such as music or food, traditions, religion, relationship views :wubu:, et cetera...

The fat may be the sole thing you are physically attracted to: That is fine.
If the fat is the only reason you are in the relationship: Wellllllllllllllllllllll.......

I'm not saying you're a feeder...
I'm not saying you're not an FA either...
But the chances are much lower.

I'm not one to judge though. That's how some people roll (No pun intended) I suppose.

Ask yourself: Would you be content with a bag of fat?

Or

A living, breathing larger woman, whose curvaceous physique allures you with ease, that can beat you in a card game, takes care of you when you're sick, and loves to have long deep conversations with you about anything? As you would do the same?

(FFA Version)
A living, breathing larger man, whose body captivates you, that will watch your favorite tv shows with you (even though he might not like it), Will do what he can to speed up your recovery from an injury, and also loves to have long conversation with you about anything? As you would do the same?


The following examples are examples . No one said you had to play 7 card blind, or watch soap operas with your partner.


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## stan_der_man (Mar 6, 2007)

wrestlingguy said:


> Do you guys really want me to start? I will be teaching a class called FA-101 at Dimensions University.
> 
> The curriculum will be posted shortly.



By all means Professor, jump in anytime! 

fa_man_stan


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## VelvetKiss (Mar 6, 2007)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I am a person first, above all else. The first question you ask me should not be "How much do you weigh?"
> I am more than the sum of my fat rolls. Adore me, adore the whole package - not just my body.



Great Point! Once I know someone then we can get into that, but don't start to objectify me right from the start, there is so much more to us then just our size. Just like there is so much more to FA's.


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## Krissy12 (Mar 7, 2007)

I agree with what a lot of this is saying, since I'm new to the FA/BBW community and have already had my share of this conversation:

"Hi cutie, I saw you on Dims"
Hello, how are you?
"Great, how much do you weigh?"
Umm..My name is Krissy..
"Could you eat a whole bag of chips in one sitting?"
Pardon me?
"Oh god, I couldn't, that's crazy. I could only eat a few chips. I bet you could eat the whole bag."
Maybe, I don't know. Do you want to talk to me or my fat?
"So, when you eat the whole bag, do you want cookies after? Cause that's just insane"

*ignore IM user. stat*


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 7, 2007)

Krissy12 said:


> I agree with what a lot of this is saying, since I'm new to the FA/BBW community and have already had my share of this conversation:
> 
> "Hi cutie, I saw you on Dims"
> Hello, how are you?
> ...



I would have had tact about it.

You're a master of Tai Cheeto? Cool!  

Did I mention you're beautiful? :wubu:


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## Tragdor (Mar 7, 2007)

Krissy12 said:


> I agree with what a lot of this is saying, since I'm new to the FA/BBW community and have already had my share of this conversation:
> 
> "Hi cutie, I saw you on Dims"
> Hello, how are you?
> ...



wow that sure isn't creepy

Leon Phelps "The Ladies Man" is classier then that guy. He at least offered women fish sandwhiches.


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## TallFatSue (Mar 7, 2007)

dragorat said:


> *Always be a gentleman!Nothing turns a lady off more than listening to some moron trying to impress a lady by talking about the size of his or her body parts!At least as opening conversation.You must remember that she is a human being...NOT some side off meat for you to consume.Getting to know what's inside can lead to greater rewards than just acting like a little kid in a candy store!If the lady wants you to get a little more "playful" she'll let you know. *



That is soooo true, but of course one should be a gentleman to women of all sizes. However at my size, some men seem to view an Amazon like me as a personal challenge. I'm a happily married woman, but sometimes when I'm away on business I've managed to attract an idiot or two in hotel lounges. I'll never forget these priceless exchanges with some tipsy jerks who tried to pick me up in the worst way. And I mean the *worst way.* It's *FUN* to be a wise ass! 

Idiot A: :doh:
He: "Hey baby, I got a big ten inches right here."
Me: "You don't need me, you need a phonograph."
He: (blank stare)
Me: (walks away as the rest of my group shows up)

Idiot B: :doh: :doh:
He: "Hey baby, I got some pressure and I need to relieve it."
Me: "Go ahead and burp."
He: "No, it's down lower."
Me: "Then you'd better open a window."
He: "No, it's in front."
Me: "The bathroom is down the hall."
He: "Aren't ya gonna help me relieve this pressure?"
Me: "Sure, that happens to me all the time with bubble wrap. Usually I just run over it repeatedly with my desk chair."
He: (slinks away with a slightly pained expression)

These encounters remind me of what I miss being out of the dating pool a few decades.


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## gypsy (Mar 7, 2007)

prickly said:


> .......if you tell me your bra and panties size, i'll tell you how long my peenissss is. in fact, i'll tell you anyway. it's HUUUUUGGGGEEEEEE. i mean weally, weally MASSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEE. it is, honest.



Still trying that line, eh prickly? Didn't work on me in person so I'm quite sure it won't work online.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Mar 7, 2007)

Kudos to all of you gentlemen that get it...Thank You from the bottom of my heart..Made this old lady proud to see so many men,young and old that get it, respect the lady first and the rest will follow..Again Thank You!:kiss2:


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## wrestlingguy (Mar 7, 2007)

*This was posted on my MySpace blog about 4-5 weeks ago*

"Look, I've been an admirer of big gals for as long as I can remember. I came to DimensionsMagazine.com way back in the day when Conrad ran the website from his other PenComputing site. A lot has happened since then.

Here's my perception of what's happened over the past 10 years. Lots of new FA's who act like kids in candy stores, adding every fat chick they can find on MySpace, then messaging them to see if they'd be interested in having sex with them.......if they aren't, they drop them from their friends list, and move on. It's got to be a terrible waste of time, or someone has to reward them at some point with gratuitous sex to perpetuate this attitude. It makes me sick

The other FA I can't stand is the guy who begs the fat chick with the website to add them as a friend, and then buries the girl in the back of his friends list, so he doesn't get ridiculed by his equally idiotic friends who think that he's even a bigger idiot than he is for liking fat girls. God forbid the girl posts a comment on this guy's MySpace page, he deletes it like it had the AIDS virus. How can you ask someone to be your friend, and do that to them??? One of you asshole FA's wanna give me a reason?? I'll even take a bad reason.....please!!! I HATE CLOSET FA'S!!!!!! It is my personal crusade to rid the world of them, one shithead at a time.

My final gripe is with the FA that ONLY wants to talk about fat.....how fat a chick is, what her measurements are, what she's been eating to get so fat, how big she intends to grow........they ain't fuk'n PLANTS, for Chrissake!!!! These are women with lives who have many other facets of life to discuss than just answering your questions so they have masturbatory fodder for later that night. Do you ever ask them what movies they've seen lately, or where they like to go dancing (did you even know she liked to dance?), or what they think about impeaching Bush?? C'mon you assholes, it just shows how meager your life is when their fat is all you can talk about.

It's insulting, demeaning, and shows a complete lack of respect. Unfortunately, the world has become a place where lack of respect is becoming more & more common. When I used to chat with BBW's, I respected all of them, realized they had lives beyond their size, talked with them about life, and things THEY were interested in. I think that because of that, I was lucky enough to get one of the hottest girls on the net, and have a wonderful life with her. Maybe if you trolls behaved the same way I did, you'd find a nice hot girl to go out with or marry, and not have to stay home jerkin' the gherkin thinking about those beautiful women, wishing you had one."

Your homework for tonight, if you are a FA, is to talk with your wife, your girlfriend, your friend, soemone in Dims chat about ANYTHING other than fat........try it. I know it's tough, but most homeowrk assignments are.
Lesson one is over. There will be a test next week.


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 7, 2007)

Dr. Wrestlingguy:

"Just as you are human (FA/FFA), your larger partners is as well. They have needs and wants that go a lot farther than being desired only for their physical attributes. 

"Occasional expressions of love are nice, but they should not be the only thing that one should be concerned with in a relationship. The same goes with conversations: There is more to life than talking about one's favorite part of the female/male anatomy. "

"Have at least some pride in what you love."

"Larger people are known throughout History as being desirable. Keep making this History."  

Is that a good summary, or do I need to keep studying?


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 7, 2007)

We haven't set up the department yet!!!  

Conrad is the president. He has dual Doctorates in Fat Admiration and Size Acceptance.  

Wrestlingguy is a Doctor/Teacher of Fat Admiration Studies.  

FA_Man_Stan is a Doctor/Writer of Fat Admiration Studies.  

Jon_Blaze is a student that is setting up the Chain of Command.


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## dragorat (Mar 7, 2007)

*Cause I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE taking out the trash when I find out they've insulted the beautiful ladies of Dim...*


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 7, 2007)

dragorat said:


> *Cause I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE taking out the trash when I find out they've insulted the beautiful ladies of Dim...*



Nah.... I'm thinking at least Professor...


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## sean7 (Mar 7, 2007)

I'll be the student that knows he should be attending lectures, but would rather sleep in instead.


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 7, 2007)

sean7 said:


> I'll be the student that knows he should be attending lectures, but would rather sleep in instead.



Ah yes... the one that replied to my "Size Prose" post awhile back on schh--myspace.....

Bachelor's in Fat Admiration studies, and AS in Sleep studies.


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## dragorat (Mar 7, 2007)

*Dr.Dragorat....Professor of Gentlemantology.... *


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 7, 2007)

dragorat said:


> *Dr.Dragorat....Professor of Gentlemantology.... *



There you go!!!!


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## wrestlingguy (Mar 7, 2007)

Jon, you get an A++++++++++++++++

I yield to my other colleagues for their input.

The Professor


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## dragorat (Mar 7, 2007)

*Jon is our prize student....He'll graduate Sumo cum Lardy....*


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 8, 2007)

Sweet....  

You know if I combined all the Pro Size blogs that I've written, it would probably be a good 90 pages. Dissertation anyone?


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## stan_der_man (Mar 8, 2007)

Thank you Professor Wrestlingguy! This is exactly the element that I think needs to be cleaned up in the FA community! I am really being a broken record on this, but it isn't even a FA issue per se, it's simply a lack of respect by these guys. Maybe we need to start a FA gentlemen's club or simply go around bustin' chops to get these rude FA to straighten up. (I hear that still happens in Jersey...)

I'm an old man, I've long since lost track of what's happening on the web, so I have my notes from lesson 1 and I'm ready for lesson 2.

Stan

BTW, I added "jerkin' the gherkin" to my thesaurus of sexual terminology; I'm ready for a quiz now...


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## stan_der_man (Mar 8, 2007)

sean7 said:


> I'll be the student that knows he should be attending lectures, but would rather sleep in instead.



If you snooze you loose... Get to class man, your future as a FA rides on this. Do you want to end up working at Burger King with a bunch of skinny girls?

fa_man_stan


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 8, 2007)

OMG.... This is GREAT!!!!! WOW!!!!! I applaude you for putting it right out there.... you could not possibly be any more on the money..... BRAVO!!! And that you for being a gentleman.... Thank GOD there are a few of you left. :bow: :batting:  





wrestlingguy said:


> *This was posted on my MySpace blog about 4-5 weeks ago*
> 
> "Look, I've been an admirer of big gals for as long as I can remember. I came to DimensionsMagazine.com way back in the day when Conrad ran the website from his other PenComputing site. A lot has happened since then.
> 
> ...


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## Tragdor (Mar 8, 2007)

should we mention the secert FA decoder ring in this thread? Or is that too secert?


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 8, 2007)

I decoded it.... so I guess it's not so secret....  :batting: 




Tragdor said:


> should we mention the secert FA decoder ring in this thread? Or is that too secert?


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Mar 9, 2007)

Give me a good old fashioned FA who loves my fat and is turned on by it any old day!!


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## Wagimawr (Mar 9, 2007)

I would hope that works for you - you married one, didn't ya?


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Mar 9, 2007)

Wagimawr said:


> I would hope that works for you - you married one, didn't ya?




abso-fuckin-lutely!!:wubu:


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## ZainTheInsane (Mar 9, 2007)

Figured I'd sum up all the previous entries...if you don't like it, blame my OCD...if you do, well, they were your ideas  

1.) Don't dwell on the fat. It's sort of like a guy being obsessed with a girl's boobs, or a girl with a guy's penis. There are other things to appreciate.

2.) Try to avoid things that put the fat person you admire in an awkward or uncomfortable position. Think ahead. For example, avoid places that they don't fit or doing things that they are too heavy for etc. If your significant other is a super sized person, you will probably have to get rid of the Mazda Miata, or Suzuki Samurai.

3.) Don't forget to ask bra and pantie size.

4.) Always be a gentleman!Nothing turns a lady off more than listening to some moron trying to impress a lady by talking about the size of his or her body parts!At least as opening conversation.You must remember that she is a human being...NOT some side off meat for you to consume.Getting to know what's inside can lead to greater rewards than just acting like a little kid in a candy store!If the lady wants you to get a little more "playful" she'll let you know.

5.) Not a good plan around women with sharp objects.

6.) Hold your preference with at least some honor. You don't have to be a open book and yell it to the world, but always tell the truth when asked about the subject. It doesn't matter whether you only speak of it around family and close friends, or if you have a picture of a fat person tattooed on your arm.

7.) If you're an FA and through getting to know a BBW you find out that she really wants to lose weight because she thinks she would be happier DON'T try to talk her out of it. I think its okay to state your preference but trying to talk her out of something she feels she needs really disrespects her knowledge of her self, undermines confidence etc., just for the sake of your own desires. Make sure a BBW wants to be a BBW before getting so close that you, the FA, would be super invested in her staying that way. Relationships should be about helping each person become whoever it is they have been born to be - not about trying to make someone into what you want them to be.

8.) Just because I refer to myself as fat does not mean that I will be amenable to being called piggy, fatty, blubbery, or lardy.

9.) Remember that although the chances of your physical attraction solely being attributed to the added flesh of your partner is high, Fat Admiration is a preference. Realize that your partner is human, and in order for it to be a preference, you must find perks and(or) flaws about your partner that are not directly aligned to their bodyweight. That isn't just personality either. It can be anything: Shared hobbies, shared views on politics and life, shared tastes in things such as music or food, traditions, religion, relationship views, et cetera...

10.) Just as you are human (FA/FFA), your larger partners is as well. They have needs and wants that go a lot farther than being desired only for their physical attributes.

11.) Occasional expressions of love are nice, but they should not be the only thing that one should be concerned with in a relationship. The same goes with conversations: There is more to life than talking about one's favorite part of the female/male anatomy.

12.)Have at least some pride in what you love.

13.)Larger people are known throughout History as being desirable. Keep making this History.


----------



## stan_der_man (Mar 9, 2007)

Great idea Zain! I was just wondering last night what all the good points were to the FA Code of Conduct; you got them listed!

We've had a good enlightened conversation about all of this, got the "Code" written down, but there are still all those ill mannered FAs out there... What should we do next before this thread is forgotten and sinks down into the digital blue like all others? We need to make this a better world for all of the fat people out there! Maybe Tragdor's got the right idea... Put on the decoder rings, go stealth, enforce the code, start knocking some skulls maybe? Perhaps, some form of attitude adjustment?

Tragdor: you seem to have the powers of invisibility down...
Zain: you seem to have the organizational skills, a strategist perhaps...
Wrestlingguy and Dragorat: they look like they got the muscle...
Sean7: he was snoozing, but I think we can get him up to speed quicky...
fa_man_stan: I do high voltage and can quickly reassemble the "probes of persuasion" if necessary...

So what about you guys? What do you do?
Jon
Chimpi
Wagimawr
ReallyNiceFellow

Maybe one of the gals can think up a logo for us... Some masks and capes perhaps... ?

fa_man_stan


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## chunkeymonkey (Mar 9, 2007)

ripley said:


> --Just because I refer to myself as fat does not mean that I will be amenable to being called piggy, fatty, blubbery, or lardy.



I agree 100%
another thing that is always a turn off is when you meet a bbw dont always assume they love to eat and stuff their face for your pleasure.LOL I like to do it for my own personal fulfilment of hunger.
Not all women appreciate the conversations that have to do with food and someone always bragging about how much smaller they are than we are........I was blessed that God gave me 2 eyes that work and brains to put 2 and 2 together.
If a someone tells you they are not interested in certain subjects of conversation its always polite to take that as your que not to bring it up again.The answer will always come out the same no matter how you re word it.We just tend to get a little more bitchier in the conversation and its not because we are hungry.
I try to give everyone a fair chance lol but i am the worst for being patient.


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 10, 2007)

SUPER SPEED!!! Since stealth has been taken.
Plus i'm a side kicker with super ultra Martial Arts Prowess! pfft... I wish.

I'll go from the kind mixed FA to Puerto Rican Lightning in seconds.

NO OPPRESSORS GET NEAR THE HIDEOUT!!! THE TOLL FOR PASSAGE IS DEATH! 

I guess that makes me one of the guards at the hideout.


----------



## sean7 (Mar 10, 2007)

Are we the new....





Mystery Men? 

I'll just take a quick nap while you guys settle things out...


----------



## Jon Blaze (Mar 11, 2007)

I'll take the blue suit. It augments my speed.


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## Littleghost (Mar 11, 2007)

I lost count of what number we were on so:

#eleventy-two) Just because you can see it, doesn't mean you can grab it. Try holding hands first, ya big goober. (Maybe they're nice and plump. )


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## Eclectic_Girl (Mar 11, 2007)

Littleghost said:


> I lost count of what number we were on so:
> 
> #eleventy-two) Just because you can see it, doesn't mean you can grab it. Try holding hands first, ya big goober. (Maybe they're nice and plump. )



Thank you! 

Case in point: talking to a cute guy, thinking maybe there might be something there, then he pokes my belly. Pokes me! In the belly! Then manages to grab a roll as I'm extricating myself from the situation. Dude blew his chance right there - and not just with me but with everyone I told about it afterward. And I know a lot of cute fat girls...


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## supersoup (Mar 11, 2007)

Littleghost said:


> I lost count of what number we were on so:
> 
> #eleventy-two) Just because you can see it, doesn't mean you can grab it. Try holding hands first, ya big goober. (Maybe they're nice and plump. )



brilllllliant!


----------



## chunkeymonkey (Mar 11, 2007)

Eclectic_Girl said:


> Thank you!
> 
> Case in point: talking to a cute guy, thinking maybe there might be something there, then he pokes my belly. Pokes me! In the belly! Then manages to grab a roll as I'm extricating myself from the situation. Dude blew his chance right there - and not just with me but with everyone I told about it afterward. And I know a lot of cute fat girls...



We should actually make a list of virtual first date belly pokers.....I get the boys who hit me up online who just want to know how big I am. When I say how big I am they say" do you want to get bigger?'' When I say not realy they go back to" how much do you eat?" I bet you can out eat me........WTF!!!!!! 
I will come out and ask them "are you a feeder?" they always respond with no.The next question will come out "do you love eating food?"I bet you eat a lot.
What gets me is when you check out these guys and their profile they would have such a great chance but they blow it in the first 5 minutes..........
*sighs* VIRTUAL BELLY POKERS


----------



## waldo (Mar 11, 2007)

ZainTheInsane said:


> Figured I'd sum up all the previous entries...if you don't like it, blame my OCD...if you do, well, they were your ideas
> 
> 1.) Don't dwell on the fat. It's sort of like a guy being obsessed with a girl's boobs, or a girl with a guy's penis. There are other things to appreciate.
> 
> ...



I think numbers 2, 6 and 7 are the most significant FA-specific items on this list. 
Number 2 is just a case of showing common courtesy. 
Number 6 is very important. It is important for both the FA and his mate that others who express an interest in the matter know he loves her body and isn't with her in spite of it. 
Number 7 is a tough one for many FAs because we can end up involved with fat women who do not like being fat and aren't really able to accept our admiration for their bodies. So I agree that it is better to feel the woman out but also be open about our attraction to her fat body early on (although as already stated in this thread, not too early). If she is very uncomfortable with the FA concept, it is probably better to move on sooner rather than later.
For number 9, the word 'solely' needs to be replaced with something like 'mostly' or 'largely'. FAs are just like any other guy in that there is more than a woman's body shape involved in what attracts us to her from a physical appearance standpoint. Facial features and the way she does her hair, makeup, and her clothing choices all usually also play a significant role in physical attraction.


----------



## stan_der_man (Mar 12, 2007)

That is a good point Littleghost! During the time I met my wife when we went to the large size dances in the L.A. area, the gals would talk about all sorts of nutty things the FAs would do. I remember one guy that they called "measure tape man" who went around the dances asking women if he could measure their arms, thighs, waists or whatever.

Maybe a thread on what the nuttiest, or rudest things that a FA has done would be interesting.

Stan



Littleghost said:


> I lost count of what number we were on so:
> 
> #eleventy-two) Just because you can see it, doesn't mean you can grab it. Try holding hands first, ya big goober. (Maybe they're nice and plump. )


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Mar 12, 2007)

Don't expect the good FA's to apologize for the assholes. Not their fault.

Don't expect the assholes to apologize. They're sold on their moral superiority of all their decisions.


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## Jes (Mar 12, 2007)

ripley said:


> --Just because I refer to myself as fat does not mean that I will be amenable to being called piggy, fatty, blubbery, or lardy.



Hey, Lardy, great post!

I've been thinking about this one for awhile now. No one has tried the above with me. I'm trying to imagine if I could appreciate it in any way. I think I wouldn't mind my fat being referenced but not in that playground-slur sort of way. That's what I think it being troped there when someone uses those terms. If humiliation is your thing, that is absolutely fine, and i get that. On both sides. But that language has too much of the epithet feel to me to enjoy it.


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## Jes (Mar 12, 2007)

Eclectic_Girl said:


> Thank you!
> 
> Case in point: talking to a cute guy, thinking maybe there might be something there, then he pokes my belly. Pokes me! In the belly! Then manages to grab a roll as I'm extricating myself from the situation. Dude blew his chance right there - and not just with me but with everyone I told about it afterward. And I know a lot of cute fat girls...


Wait, what?

seriously, what?


----------



## snuggletiger (Mar 12, 2007)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> ME TOO!!!!!! But SOMEONE wont play with me cos "its for slow people"...sometimes boys REALLLLLLY suck, lol. You wanna come play with me



If it helps I never could play the game that well. Somehow I would drop the birdie but my racket wouldn't seem to hit the birdie quick enough.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 12, 2007)

Eclectic_Girl said:


> Thank you!
> 
> Case in point: talking to a cute guy, thinking maybe there might be something there, then he pokes my belly. Pokes me! In the belly! Then manages to grab a roll as I'm extricating myself from the situation. Dude blew his chance right there - and not just with me but with everyone I told about it afterward. And I know a lot of cute fat girls...



Yeah, that doesn't sound any different than a guy grabbing your boob on the first date - it's not only disrespectful but is along the lines of assault,imo. CONTROL YOURSELF MAN


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## bigplaidpants (Mar 12, 2007)

ZainTheInsane said:


> Figured I'd sum up all the previous entries...\1.).....
> 13.)Larger people are known throughout History as being desirable. Keep making this History.



Zain, I'm with Stan. Great recap. This needs to be posted somewhere, like in the Dimension's mens room above the urinals and on the back of stall doors. Heck, put it on the mirror with a puffy unicorn sticker with sparklies.....(but, alas, men don't wash their hands anyway).

So, #14 on the FA code of conduct - Wash your hands.


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## stan_der_man (Mar 12, 2007)

Hey BigPlaid, we might be getting a little team of FAs together to "clean house" so to speak, do a little attitude adjustment on those misbehavin' FAs, if you know what I'm sayin'... I like that "wash your hands" thing before doing business by the way... Personal hygiene is always a good thing!

What's your super power?
Wanna join us?


fa_man_stan



fa_man_stan said:


> Great idea Zain! I was just wondering last night what all the good points were to the FA Code of Conduct; you got them listed!
> 
> We've had a good enlightened conversation about all of this, got the "Code" written down, but there are still all those ill mannered FAs out there... What should we do next before this thread is forgotten and sinks down into the digital blue like all others? We need to make this a better world for all of the fat people out there! Maybe Tragdor's got the right idea... Put on the decoder rings, go stealth, enforce the code, start knocking some skulls maybe? Perhaps, some form of attitude adjustment?
> 
> ...





bigplaidpants said:


> Zain, I'm with Stan. Great recap. This needs to be posted somewhere, like in the Dimension's mens room above the urinals and on the back of stall doors. Heck, put it on the mirror with a puffy unicorn sticker with sparklies.....(but, alas, men don't wash their hands anyway).
> 
> So, #14 on the FA code of conduct - Wash your hands.


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## bigplaidpants (Mar 12, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> Hey BigPlaid, we might be getting a little team of FAs together to "clean house" so to speak, do a little attitude adjustment on those misbehavin' FAs, if you know what I'm sayin'......
> 
> What's your super power?
> Wanna join us?
> ...



Breath of Death?
Glare Guy? (my wife says my crown is balding....but I'm still a royal FA)
Plaid Attack?

I'll have to talk to Xavier my special power.
But, yes, I'm in....

<sighs>

....even if I have to be the mascot.


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## Eclectic_Girl (Mar 12, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> Breath of Death?
> Glare Guy? (my wife says my crown is balding....but I'm still a royal FA)
> Plaid Attack?
> 
> ...



Might I suggest super insight?


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## stan_der_man (Mar 12, 2007)

sean7 said:


> Are we the new....
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I'm feeling a good vibe here Sean, we could be a "Mystery Men" like force that enforces the "FA Code", respect for fat people, and encouragers of good old fashion niceness in general.



Jon Blaze said:


> I'll take the blue suit. It augments my speed.



More power to you Jon, I think you'd look sharp in blue... That would also match with the "true blue" values that you hold as a FA!



bigplaidpants said:


> Breath of Death?
> Glare Guy? (my wife says my crown is balding....but I'm still a royal FA)
> Plaid Attack?
> 
> ...





Eclectic_Girl said:


> Might I suggest super insight?



You know Eclectic, I think you are right. BigPlaid is a great guy and he has shown some incredible insight; easily surpassing the level of being a super power! His other super powers may also come in handy...

By chance Eclectic, do you bowl?

fa_man_stan


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## Eclectic_Girl (Mar 12, 2007)

I have bowled, yes. I'm assuming that this is a reference to Mystery Men, which I have not seen? Love Janeane, though.


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## stan_der_man (Mar 13, 2007)

Sorry, I guess I got a bit carried away with the Mystery Men references... Janeane Garofalo played a charactor called "The Bowler". Very funny movie.

:blush: 

Stan


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## furious styles (Mar 13, 2007)

damn stan, i can't rep you but that's one of the best avatars ever. i always loved that particular strip.

"what did you do? throw him at the camera?!"


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## Chimpi (Mar 13, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> So what about you guys? What do you do?
> Chimpi



I will follow my leader to the end.
Honor. Dedication. I will never leave a fallen comrade behind.
I am physically and mentally fit to hold true my powers to follow, blindly and knowingly.
:bow:


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 13, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> I will follow my leader to the end.
> Honor. Dedication. I will never leave a fallen comrade behind.
> I am physically and mentally fit to hold true my powers to follow, blindly and knowingly.
> :bow:



When we go from mystery men to War mode, I nominate Chimpi as an Allied Forces Brigadier General.  
If I have to go under him as a Sergeant Major, so be it!!!


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## RedVelvet (Mar 22, 2007)

ripley said:


> --Just because I refer to myself as fat does not mean that I will be amenable to being called piggy, fatty, blubbery, or lardy.




THANK YOU very much indeed.

hear hear!


...and Yay to all you Mystery Men fans! I love that film!

Trying to figure out my power..


.....Damn.


Submissive Girl! "I can get you to do anything ......and make you think it was Your Decision!"


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## Jon Blaze (Apr 10, 2007)

We like.. uhh.. forgot about Conrad 'n' stuff (mm-heh-heh-heh).  

FAINC- Fat Admirer in Charge?


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## ReallyNiceFellow (Oct 3, 2007)

On those very few times when I've gathered the courage to approach a BBW I find attractive, I'm sort of caught between getting her to like me and trying not to make her push me away. It's rather nerve wracking, at first.

But with everyone I meet, the concept of treating them with respect is the very essence of who I am. 

Some guys think that poking a woman's belly is okay? That she would like that on a first meeting? That a woman would be receptive to a line like "hey, baby, wanna....?" These guys are out of ideas, they're desperate.

Just because I'm into fetishes doesn't mean I'm not a nice normal guy.

Generally, what attracts me about a woman is

1. her size
2. her hair
3. her self confidence
4. that she seems really nice.

Points 3 and 4 will keep me around for a while.

But I'm always worried that she has already been approached by a bunch of those desperate guys, and will assume I'm one of them.


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## ekmanifest (Oct 3, 2007)

ReallyNiceFellow said:


> But I'm always worried that she has already been approached by a bunch of those desperate guys, and will assume I'm one of them.



I think it is pretty easy to tell decent guys, and am sure that most women are more than eager to find them. Speaking for myself, I know I am often initially suspicious, even of the nice guys, just because it is still somewhat hard for me to believe that someone is attracted to me not "in spite" of my body, but because of it. I think you can pick out the guys you are referring to in about 10 minutes, because of the type of things they say that are totally inappropriate. Have had a few phone calls like that when meeting someone from online and I basically just say, "Don't really think that's appropriate for a first conversation. Don't think we would be a fit."


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## Eclectic_Girl (Oct 4, 2007)

ReallyNiceFellow said:


> On those very few times when I've gathered the courage to approach a BBW I find attractive, I'm sort of caught between getting her to like me and trying not to make her push me away. It's rather nerve wracking, at first.
> 
> [snip]
> 
> But I'm always worried that she has already been approached by a bunch of those desperate guys, and will assume I'm one of them.



Okay, so here's what I've learned based on my own reactions and on observations of my small corner of fatworld:

She likely has been approached by desperate guys, but whether she assumes you're one of them depends on a wide range of variables, including the number and quality of her past relationships, how comfortable she is being single, how comfortable she is in her own skin, and where she falls on the optimism-pessimism continuum. None of which you can control. The only thing you can control is to not be one of those desperate guys yourself.

Similarly, regarding the approach - a certain amount of those "I'm trying to make a good impression" nerves is fine and natural, but too much self-consciousness or false bravado is off-putting. Your mother was right: just be yourself, but on your best behavior (i.e., save the public belching until she has already seen the gentlemanly side). You don't have to try to get anyone to like you - if she likes people like you, all you have to do is show her who you actually are. If she doesn't like people like you, the relationship will only last as long as you're not yourself. Aside from being dishonest, it's exhausting because you have to spend every moment thinking about what to say or how to react instead of just being. It's also hell on your self-esteem, in that you are constantly reinforcing to yourself that you don't think the real you is good enough.


----------



## Dravenhawk (Oct 4, 2007)

Some really great stuff on this thread and upon reading it I am wiser with the knowlege Stan, Wrestlingguy, and the others have imparted. As a FA myself I have a really hard time making sense while bedazzled by the womman of my desire. First I perfer big ladies and if she would be happier getting thinner this is not my type been there ... done that. Ok its the blinding flash of the obvious that on my end the initial attraction is her size. And yes there is more to the equasion. As with thier thinner company big girls have interests in movies, sports, TV, holywood, politics, family and friends...etc. Sometimes I have to say I am lacking in social grace. I stare blindly from the corner of the room knowing that as soon as I open my mouth it is only to exchange feet. So I take the sit quietly and take the do nothing approach. I am afraid I will say something really stupid. I dont ask a BBW about her eating or weight even after many dates. Thats sacred ground and woe be the tide to the FA who treads there uninvited. 

Size is a really tough thing to discuss and an awkward subject to approach. When I met my ex wife I did not discuss the issue about weight or size, I only stated my preference for big ladies which she was ok with at the time. I had fallen in love with her other attrbutes like her love of cards and scrabble and of course the impromptu wyld sex she surprised me with on our first date. I always treated her as a perfect gentleman. I paid for our outings, helped her mother and sister move and held the door open so as to allow her to enter first. And before going to a new place I would go in and access its "fat friendliness" beforehand. As time went on she was not happy with being big. I wanted for her to be happy and found out the hard way that her happiness was conditional upon getting thinner. I never really had a discussion with her in the early days of our relationship as to how she really felt about herself and her size. Had I done so it would be discovered that there was not a good fit here.

Ok I dont want to go this route again. Having good comon ground is important here. For me it has to start with her accepting herself as a good person as she is reguardless of size. I have met my share of Debbie Downers, those BBWs who view themselves as gross, deformed, too fat... Not for me. There has to be some kind of dialog about how she feels about her size. Yes I like big and would perfer bigger within the confines of common sense and maintaining good health and quality of life. To not have this dialog is to invite disaster. Skinny girls know that they are attractive. Most of the BBWs I have met do not precieve themselves as attractive. 

Nice thing about Dims is it is pretty apparent why we are here so some of the guess work is eliminated. Being an FA means precieving the world from a unique point of view. I take an unpopular stand in a thin obcessed world. My problem is as I get to know a girl I tend to avoid the whole size thing all together. I talk about things like what music she likes, who are her favorite actors and politicians, how she feels about world events, the stock market, favorite games, family etc. I get so caught up in getting to know her I get afraid to ask how she feels about her size for fear of putting my foot in my mouth. Yes I lack tact on this issue and avoid it and thats where I find myself in trouble. 

Advise from you professors would be appreciated.

Dravenhawk


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## CuslonGodibb (Oct 4, 2007)

Well spoken, BigBeautifulMe!

I think you hit the nail on the head here:

"I am more than the sum of my fat rolls. Adore me, adore the whole package - not just my body."

/ CuslonGodibb



BigBeautifulMe said:


> I am a person first, above all else. The first question you ask me should not be "How much do you weigh?" Get to know me, the person, first, and in time we can talk about my body. Do not think that I want to cyber or talk about sex within 5 minutes of starting to talk to you. Just like in real life, if you want me to talk about sex, you have to get me comfortable first.
> 
> I am more than the sum of my fat rolls. Adore me, adore the whole package - not just my body.


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## supersoup (Oct 4, 2007)

how about one of the rules being...oh i don't know...maybe...

DATE A FAT GIRL.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 4, 2007)

supersoup said:


> how about one of the rules being...oh i don't know...maybe...
> 
> DATE A FAT GIRL.



you out yo damn ginger mind, foo. 

and you aren't allowed to post in this thread because you broke the #1 rule of general human conduct

THY SHALL NOT SEND JUSTIN HALF NAKED PIX OF GHASTLY MEN


----------



## supersoup (Oct 4, 2007)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> you out yo damn ginger mind, foo.
> 
> and you aren't allowed to post in this thread because you broke the #1 rule of general human conduct
> 
> THY SHALL NOT SEND JUSTIN HALF NAKED PIX OF GHASTLY MEN



bwaaahahahahhahahahaaa!!


----------



## Romulus (Oct 4, 2007)

A gentleman knows how to treat a woman no matter what her size.....with dignity and respect.


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## gypsy (Oct 5, 2007)

Romulus said:


> A gentleman knows how to treat a woman no matter what her size.....with dignity and respect.



Yes... YES!! Romulus, you get it. THANK YOU!


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## sunnie1653 (Oct 5, 2007)

I know this thread is old and just got recently "bumped" but .. Its brilliant. I've been telling some of the freaks that approach me in chat.. "Look. I'm 28 years old. And for 28 years, I've been fat. I'm well aware of this particular trait of mine. Do we really have to have an in-depth conversation about it?"

Most of the time they just stop talking to me, and I couldn't be happier. 

I love this thread. It should be stickied.  *nods*


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## gypsy (Oct 5, 2007)

sunnie1653 said:


> I know this thread is old and just got recently "bumped" but .. Its brilliant. I've been telling some of the freaks that approach me in chat.. "Look. I'm 28 years old. And for 28 years, I've been fat. I'm well aware of this particular trait of mine. Do we really have to have an in-depth conversation about it?"
> 
> Most of the time they just stop talking to me, and I couldn't be happier.
> 
> I love this thread. It should be stickied.  *nods*



I second the motion!


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## sweet&fat (Oct 5, 2007)

Here's one I particularly hate: Please don't tell me in the same breath how beautiful/perfect I am and then tag on how I'd look even better if I would only gain 30 pounds or so. Grrr. Hard to take the first part seriously after that!


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## Jes (Oct 5, 2007)

supersoup said:


> how about one of the rules being...oh i don't know...maybe...
> 
> DATE A FAT GIRL.



Right! Not just go to events/bashes and score with one and then go back to regular life where you're not really out about it.


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## stan_der_man (Oct 5, 2007)

I'd just like to say thank you to Renaissance Woman for the reps on this thread... it's been a while since I posted here, I sort of lost track.


Here is a thought that I posted on another thread I think is relevant to this subject, and the topic of "FA bad behavior":


-----begin-----

I was reading on another thread about the dearth of quality FAs, and the preponderance of flaky or bad behavior on the part of the male FAs (this is always my impetus to talk about this sort of thing, body shape perceptions, relations between FAs and big gals...), and I keep thinking to myself that it doesn't have to be this way, but why is it this way? I think all these things are part of the greater problem. In my opinion, the problem keeps coming back to the issue that fat acceptance isn't considered "normal" by our societal standards, and there are no social structures or examples for FAs to follow... no peer support. Other than within Dimensions (and not necessarily here either...), the FAs are operating in a "moral vacuum" and the women are left out in the cold. Also, the disproportionately greater numbers of women to men create a situation where the men can get away with doing what's easy and weasely, and sometimes the good intentioned men get swarmed by ravenous women and it goes to their heads, or they just make stupid decisions. I wonder if some sort of "FA gentleman's club" that is audacious enough to lay out a "FA code of conduct" could be a shining light for the FAs discovering and / or exploring their attraction to fat women.

----clip-----

Another thing that I think isn't happening... the fat acceptance "scene" hasn't "matured", or is just starting to do so. By this I mean that couples who meet at the dances are eventually getting married, they vanish into "marital bliss" and move on to wherever it is that they move on to. They essentially leave the scene. (By "scene" I mean the large size dances, NAAFA, online communities, whatever...) These are just generalizations of course, but there isn't a strong presence of married couples in places like Dimensions for example. There are plenty of individuals who are married that are on Dimensions, but I think the atmosphere is predominately a "singles scene". I think the married (or couples) men feel pressure against, or discouragement from being on Dimensions, or being part of the size acceptance community because their wives have memories of these scenes being predominantly comprised of voracious man hunting women. I think this is changing with more Dimensions get-togethers happening, there is an increasing presence of socializing in an environment where there are mixed couples and singles in a more "family" sort of atmosphere as opposed to a "singles" type of environment. It's this whole "normal" environment that exists in the "real world" that doesn't (or is beginning to...) exist in Dimensions and the size acceptance scene. Why should a guy (FA) seek a relationship with a (large sized) woman when there is nothing (that can be obviously seen) beyond the singles scene? There is no example of good things that would come out of getting involved in a relationship, or very few examples. And, the women are plentiful, when one woman makes an ultimatum to commit to her or move on... you are seeing the guys move on because there are plenty of other women to move on to. The vortex of bad behavior continues, the women get disillusioned and quite frankly, often get bitter and turn off potential suiters, the few that are there to begin with.

In short, if attraction to fat women could be "normalized" having more men be comfortable with their attraction to fat women (or learning to appreciate their beauty), there would be more greater numbers of well behaved men available for the women, more examples of why the men should behave, and a "mature" scene would be created to support the potential couples. There would more examples of this all working out and a true culture of size acceptance would be created. Maybe this is a silly utopian vision, but I think always harping on the men as being a bunch of ill behaved jerks (as they may very well be) is simplistic, and not solving the problem. All of these problems (trying to return to topic...) including FAs dwelling on body shape, behaving badly, whatever... are just symptoms of this greater problem in my opinion.


-----end-----

Just a thought to keep the subject alive...


Stan


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## troubadours (Oct 5, 2007)

Romulus said:


> A gentleman knows how to treat a woman no matter what her size.....with dignity and respect.



really? i haven't seen too much of this to be honest*

i have a boyfriend, as i'm sure everyone here knows. i get some of the worst ims/messages. just because i post here about weight gain doesn't mean i want to get some faceless creep off talking about it one-on-one with him.

also, i dunno about you other ladies, but i am NOT impressed by a guy who tells me how he chats with all the ~models~ and talks to all these ~awesum~ bbws in chats. sorry, but that's not what i'm looking for in a guy.

lastly, i am definitely appalled by guys who message me telling me they stayed up all night doing "guess what." thx, i don't need to know about your masturbation habits.

frankly, i think it's flat-out disrespectful to behave like this to a woman... whether they are an FA or not. just because you see i've posted pictures on a FORUM that is meant for these kinds of posts does not mean i'm willing to get advice from every guy here on how THEY want me to gain. i'm not interested.

* I AM NOT SAYING ALL GUYS ARE LIKE THIS. i am talking from my own experience with internet dudes. thats all


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## stan_der_man (Oct 5, 2007)

troubadours said:


> really? i haven't seen too much of this to be honest*
> 
> i have a boyfriend, as i'm sure everyone here knows. i get some of the worst ims/messages. just because i post here about weight gain doesn't mean i want to get some faceless creep off talking about it one-on-one with him.
> 
> ...



I'm curious if this is a FA phenomenon in particular or if this happens to women on the internet in general. I think another aspect of this is simply immature male bad behavior as a whole, and the anonymity that web boards and email create. I would think that guys don't commonly act this way face to face with women now-a-days, I certainly hope not.

I think from the male perspective, males also face plenty of rejection and this is their way of lashing out, definitely unacceptable and immature behaviour to say the least, but I think that's always happened to a certain extent. I almost wonder if the internet, with the use of avatars, the way we can instantly display our personalities etc, turns us into little celebrities. The women "celebrities" that stand out in one way or another, thus become targets for more of this male aggression than would normally occur in normal (face to face) interactions.

I dunno, just a thought...


Stan


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## troubadours (Oct 5, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> I'm curious if this is a FA phenomenon in particular or if this happens to women on the internet in general. I think another aspect of this is simply immature male bad behavior as a whole, and the anonymity that web boards and email create. I would think that guys don't commonly act this way face to face with women now-a-days, I certainly hope not.
> 
> I think from the male perspective, males also face plenty of rejection and this is their way of lashing out, definitely unacceptable and immature behaviour to say the least, but I think that's always happened to a certain extent. I almost wonder if the internet, with the use of avatars, the way we can instantly display our personalities etc, turns us into little celebrities. The women "celebrities" that stand out in one way or another, thus become targets for more of this male aggression than would normally occur in normal (face to face) interactions.
> 
> ...




i understand what you're saying, and i'm pretty sure it's not just limited to FAs. i'm only saying from my own experience i've noticed this. it does tend to happen in person sometimes (usually it's a lot less...personal?) and even more uncomfortable since i don't have the option of a block button. i'm not trying to generalize every guy here. i know there are tons of decent ones posting here, like yourself.

maybe i'm misunderstanding the other point... but, women face plenty of rejection too. it's something i'm quite familiar with. i'm sure there are quite a few ladies here who agree with me that it really is no excuse to behave like an ass for attention. i doubt that's gonna work in their favor..


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## Still a Skye fan (Oct 5, 2007)

Romulus said:


> A gentleman knows how to treat a woman no matter what her size.....with dignity and respect.



I can't add anything to this.

Well put, sir.

Any beautiful ladies wanting to spend time with me will be treated in no other way.


Dennis


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## tonynyc (Oct 5, 2007)

I love these post- darn since all the good jobs are taken  
I guess the only thing that is left is the FBI, CIA, NSA type of stuff. 

#15 Mission Checklist: Don't forget your mints - women hate poochy breath  

#16 Reconnaissance: Make sure establishments ( ie Theaters and especially Restaurants are Fat Friendly) don't be afraid to request a Table when presented with a Booth. After all who wants a "Tops Hamburger" type Accommodations when you can have Filet Mignon


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## supersoup (Oct 5, 2007)

tonynyc said:


> I love these post- darn since all the good jobs are taken
> I guess the only thing that is left is the FBI, CIA, NSA type of stuff.
> 
> #15 Mission Checklist: Don't forget your mints - women hate poochy breath
> ...



i LOVE number 16, kudos!! there's nothing sweeter and more amazing than a man making sure i'm comfortable and not made to feel awkward when we go out! no lie, doing something like this for me would get you major points in the dusty book of soup dating!


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## Ivy (Oct 5, 2007)

supersoup said:


> how about one of the rules being...oh i don't know...maybe...
> 
> DATE A FAT GIRL.



NO KIDDING.

there is nothing more frustrating than finding out that an FA (especially one seems REALLY hardcore about his love of the fatties on forums/ims/etc) has a girlfriend who is thin. :doh:


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## supersoup (Oct 5, 2007)

Jes said:


> Right! Not just go to events/bashes and score with one and then go back to regular life where you're not really out about it.



totally. and not only just this, but don't come around here, other boards, myspace, whatever...and act like you are a cape wearing, speech spouting, fatty loving, change making, miracle working, and outstanding specimen of FA, and then date a skinny girl!!! now to be honest, i know that anything can happen, and you can't help whom you love and all that, but for the most part...i'm sorry, but an FA dating someone thin screams closet case to me, and i've no time for you. i by no means think that someone needs to shout their preferences from the rooftops daily, and i don't think you should introduce yourself as joe blow the lover of fat, but date what you claim to love so much for cripes sake. i'm sure there ARE fa's in beautiful meaning relationships with thin folk because there most definitely are exceptions to every rule and preference, but it's really friggin weird that it seems so prevalent in folks i encounter... closet cases and fakers are turds. it's such a waste. boo hoo, you don't feel you should have to put up with crap from people for dating someone you are attracted to, so you 'settle' for a thin person, and secretly wank off to the pics of fatties you find on the internet. zero sympathy. who the FUCK cares what other people think? you do all realize you only live once, right? so why spend that lifetime hiding who you are and making excuses for your actions? fucking cowards. this is directed at no one, just something that's bothering me lately. 

to all the beautiful, proud, and outstanding FA's that represent this community, thank you. you will never understand how much i appreciate you for silently going to bat daily for us all.


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## bmann0413 (Oct 5, 2007)

supersoup said:


> totally. and not only just this, but don't come around here, other boards, myspace, whatever...and act like you are a cape wearing, speech spouting, fatty loving, change making, miracle working, and outstanding specimen of FA, and then date a skinny girl!!! now to be honest, i know that anything can happen, and you can't help whom you love and all that, but for the most part...i'm sorry, but an FA dating someone thin screams closet case to me, and i've no time for you. i by no means think that someone needs to shout their preferences from the rooftops daily, and i don't think you should introduce yourself as joe blow the lover of fat, but date what you claim to love so much for cripes sake. i'm sure there ARE fa's in beautiful meaning relationships with thin folk because there most definitely are exceptions to every rule and preference, but it's really friggin weird that it seems so prevalent in folks i encounter... closet cases and fakers are turds. it's such a waste. boo hoo, you don't feel you should have to put up with crap from people for dating someone you are attracted to, so you 'settle' for a thin person, and secretly wank off to the pics of fatties you find on the internet. zero sympathy. who the FUCK cares what other people think? you do all realize you only live once, right? so why spend that lifetime hiding who you are and making excuses for your actions? fucking cowards. this is directed at no one, just something that's bothering me lately.
> 
> to all the beautiful, proud, and outstanding FA's that represent this community, thank you. you will never understand how much i appreciate you for silently going to bat daily for us all.



Soup, you rock... Preach it, sister!


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## stan_der_man (Oct 5, 2007)

supersoup said:


> totally. and not only just this, but don't come around here, other boards, myspace, whatever...and act like you are a cape wearing, speech spouting, fatty loving, change making, miracle working, and outstanding specimen of FA, and then date a skinny girl!!! now to be honest, i know that anything can happen, and you can't help whom you love and all that, but for the most part...i'm sorry, but an FA dating someone thin screams closet case to me, and i've no time for you.
> ...


I would agree with this statement if a guy who dated thin girls and fat girls treated them differently (for example not introducing the fat girl to his friends but tending to introduce his thin girlfriends to everybody), that would blatantly be closet activity. But I think saying a FA should only date fat girls really isn't much better than saying that a guy should only date thin girls for whatever reason.




Ivy said:


> NO KIDDING.
> 
> there is nothing more frustrating than finding out that an FA (especially one seems REALLY hardcore about his love of the fatties on forums/ims/etc) has a girlfriend who is thin. :doh:


I think this is a different scenario than what Soupy is talking about. A (professed) FA like this is being a hypocrite (especially towards his own thin girlfriend) which I think is insensitive (and frankly rude), but if a guy like this is being supportive of fat women but is making it clear that he is attracted to thin and fat women, I don't think this is really that bad, although it is walking a fine line that may offend both the thin and fat women.



troubadours said:


> ...
> maybe i'm misunderstanding the other point... but, women face plenty of rejection too. it's something i'm quite familiar with. i'm sure there are quite a few ladies here who agree with me that it really is no excuse to behave like an ass for attention. i doubt that's gonna work in their favor..


What I mostly meant in the second half of what I said is that the internet seems to depersonalize interactions between people, but at the same time, with all the information that we can instantly find out about each other creates a false sense of familiarity. Guys may approach you (via email / or PMs) inappropriately because they feel familiar with you (they see your picture, they have read things that you posted etc...) but really they don't know you and by normal standards, their advances are inappropriate and put you in an uncomfortable situation. I think that's the nature of how the internet is and how human nature is, where guys tend to be the ones to initiate things. I think it's mostly the socially awkward guys who are the ones doing this. It's certainly not acceptable, but I don't think it's necessarily a FA thing either.



tonynyc said:


> #16 Reconnaissance: Make sure establishments ( ie Theaters and especially Restaurants are Fat Friendly) don't be afraid to request a Table when presented with a Booth.
> ...


I definitely agree! This is what all FAs should strive for, make your big beautiful lady comfortable and treat her right!


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## supersoup (Oct 5, 2007)

i totally agree stan, and that's why it's hard to say what it is i'm thinking exactly. you SHOULD date whomever makes you happy, but at the same time, it's so frustrating to those that are looking for mates to be confronted with that kind of stuff a lot ya know? shoot, the man i was engaged to has never before me, or since me dated big girl, he's just not attracted to them, but i was an exception myself! my comments are very broad, yet not at the same time...ha, it's so hard to say what i'm thinking!!


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## goofy girl (Oct 5, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> Here's one I particularly hate: Please don't tell me in the same breath how beautiful/perfect I am and then tag on how I'd look even better if I would only gain 30 pounds or so. Grrr. Hard to take the first part seriously after that!



That's one that REALLY gets me!! How is telling me that I would look better if I GAINED 50lbs any better than telling me I'd look better it I LOST 50lbs!!!!


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## tonynyc (Oct 5, 2007)

supersoup said:


> i totally agree stan, and that's why it's hard to say what it is i'm thinking exactly. you SHOULD date whomever makes you happy, but at the same time, it's so frustrating to those that are looking for mates to be confronted with that kind of stuff a lot ya know? shoot, the man i was engaged to has never before me, or since me dated big girl, he's just not attracted to them, but i was an exception myself! my comments are very broad, yet not at the same time...ha, it's so hard to say what i'm thinking!!



*
Well Soup:
If there is any FA justice in this world
Soup ---> Admired by FA's everywhere
The Ex---> Crawled up in a Ball wondering what went wrong and why he's
"soupless" 
*


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## Jon Blaze (Oct 5, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> I w
> 
> 
> 
> I think this is a different scenario than what Soupy is talking about. A (professed) FA like this is being a hypocrite (especially towards his own thin girlfriend) which I think is insensitive (and frankly rude), *but if a guy like this is being supportive of fat women but is making it clear that he is attracted to thin and fat women, I don't think this is really that bad, although it is walking a fine line that may offend both the thin and fat women.*




HUH!?!?!? I wasn't expecting someone to cover my situation like that!! YOU ROCK!!  


Dang man.. You really are the STAN MAN!  
Survey says!!!!: REPS!! ALL RIGHT!!!! My night just got better!


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## waldo (Oct 5, 2007)

Very interesting thoughts, as usual, from Stan.




fa_man_stan said:


> I was reading on another thread about the dearth of quality FAs, and the preponderance of flaky or bad behavior on the part of the male FAs (this is always my impetus to talk about this sort of thing, body shape perceptions, relations between FAs and big gals...), and I keep thinking to myself that it doesn't have to be this way, but why is it this way? I think all these things are part of the greater problem. In my opinion, the problem keeps coming back to the issue that fat acceptance isn't considered "normal" by our societal standards, and there are no social structures or examples for FAs to follow... no peer support. Other than within Dimensions (and not necessarily here either...), the FAs are operating in a "moral vacuum" and the women are left out in the cold. Also, the disproportionately greater numbers of women to men create a situation where the men can get away with doing what's easy and weasely, and sometimes the good intentioned men get swarmed by ravenous women and it goes to their heads, or they just make stupid decisions. I wonder if some sort of "FA gentleman's club" that is audacious enough to lay out a "FA code of conduct" could be a shining light for the FAs discovering and / or exploring their attraction to fat women.



I agree to an extent that FAs may often find it more difficult to get properly conditioned to appropriate social interactions, particularly as it applies to the opposite sex. That is unless they start out dating in the 'thin' world which is usually the case. Then when they pursue fat chicks later it could be considered just the same as dating thin women -treat them with respect -simple and already mentioned above (of course it is not quite so simple as there are issues unique to being a 'practicing' FA that will need to be dealt with). The problem of a lack of peer support is a much bigger one from what little I can tell.



fa_man_stan said:


> Another thing that I think isn't happening... the fat acceptance "scene" hasn't "matured", or is just starting to do so. By this I mean that couples who meet at the dances are eventually getting married, they vanish into "marital bliss" and move on to wherever it is that they move on to. They essentially leave the scene. (By "scene" I mean the large size dances, NAAFA, online communities, whatever...) These are just generalizations of course, but there isn't a strong presence of married couples in places like Dimensions for example. There are plenty of individuals who are married that are on Dimensions, but I think the atmosphere is predominately a "singles scene". I think the married (or couples) men feel pressure against, or discouragement from being on Dimensions, or being part of the size acceptance community because their wives have memories of these scenes being predominantly comprised of voracious man hunting women. I think this is changing with more Dimensions get-togethers happening, there is an increasing presence of socializing in an environment where there are mixed couples and singles in a more "family" sort of atmosphere as opposed to a "singles" type of environment. It's this whole "normal" environment that exists in the "real world" that doesn't (or is beginning to...) exist in Dimensions and the size acceptance scene. Why should a guy (FA) seek a relationship with a (large sized) woman when there is nothing (that can be obviously seen) beyond the singles scene? There is no example of good things that would come out of getting involved in a relationship, or very few examples. And, the women are plentiful, when one woman makes an ultimatum to commit to her or move on... you are seeing the guys move on because there are plenty of other women to move on to. The vortex of bad behavior continues, the women get disillusioned and quite frankly, often get bitter and turn off potential suiters, the few that are there to begin with.



While this is true that the BBW scene is primarily a singles scene, I guess it is probably not so different from a thin singles scene except for the unusually large female to male ratio. Overall I agree that more exposure to married FAs who appear to be living a normal and fulfilled life with a fat wife could do immense value for the younger and unsure FAs. From another perspective my wife and I who did not meet up through the BBW scene but came upon it after we got together. I found it a bit uncomfortable when we went to a couple BBW dances since it was such a singles scene that a married couple didn't really fit in to that well - or so I felt. And then once you have kids your life isn't your own anymore so most of the socializing often goes out the window.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 6, 2007)

I suspect that until the media says that it is "okay" to like fat women, it won't be for most people


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## KuroBara (Oct 6, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I suspect that until the media says that it is "okay" to like fat women, it won't be for most people


Which s more than a shame. If I let the media explain how I should act, I would wear high heels in the bath tub and Coke would make me dance in the street. People really gotta start thinking for themselves.


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## CuslonGodibb (Oct 6, 2007)

I think you're onto something here, fa_man_stan!

I can't say I chat a lot "publicly" - that is, outside MSN Messenger or the Yahoo! ditto - but the little I've seen of it is not very nice. There really seem to be a lot of immature and rude chatters out there! I suspect that female chatters might get more rude and sexist comments, but even I as a male am indeed surprised of what some people have the nerve to say!

I think the anonymity of the Internet is the culprit here - at least to some degree. Some people seem to think that it's OK to behave however they want on the Internet and that the people they're talking to are not real, and this really frustrates me. I can't say I have any universal solution to the problem, though. Unfortunately. What I can do is try to be a good example.

I think this is a general problem in today's society. I mean, "IRL" there are parents and/or other grown-ups to teach/tell children how to behave, but on the Internet...? Who's telling children how to behave on the Internet today? Of course there are exceptions, but I think many parents don't really know or understand what their children are up to while surfing the Internet.

My point is that these rude and immature chatters probably never had any "netiquette lessons". In a sense, maybe it's to late to get them to change, but I believe it's possible to get today's children to act better - now and when they get older.

I once attended a lecture by a Swedish policeman, who've worked for many years with young/teenage criminals, and he said that "the flowers of tomorrow are planted today". I like that quote; it's worth some thinking - - -

/ CuslonGodibb


fa_man_stan said:


> I'm curious if this is a FA phenomenon in particular or if this happens to women on the internet in general. I think another aspect of this is simply immature male bad behavior as a whole, and the anonymity that web boards and email create. [---]


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## Chimpi (Oct 6, 2007)

ZainTheInsane said:


> 7.) If you're an FA and through getting to know a BBW you find out that she really wants to lose weight because she thinks she would be happier DON'T try to talk her out of it. I think its okay to state your preference but trying to talk her out of something she feels she needs really disrespects her knowledge of her self, undermines confidence etc., just for the sake of your own desires. Make sure a BBW wants to be a BBW before getting so close that you, the FA, would be super invested in her staying that way. Relationships should be about helping each person become whoever it is they have been born to be - not about trying to make someone into what you want them to be.



You know, I'm curious. I have come across quite a few people that feel they need to lose weight, for various reasons. But what I am curious about is, if that person feels they need to lose weight because of the "image issues" and nothing else, should we still not try to change their views on themselves and the world more positively? Or is that considered "changing", in a negative sense? Is trying to change a persons views in any way, shape or form considered wrong indefinitely?

I am just curious. 

Moving on to a slightly older post:


wrestlingguy said:


> *This was posted on my MySpace blog about 4-5 weeks ago*
> The other FA I can't stand is the guy who begs the fat chick with the website to add them as a friend, and then buries the girl in the back of his friends list, so he doesn't get ridiculed by his equally idiotic friends who think that he's even a bigger idiot than he is for liking fat girls. God forbid the girl posts a comment on this guy's MySpace page, he deletes it like it had the AIDS virus. How can you ask someone to be your friend, and do that to them??? One of you asshole FA's wanna give me a reason?? I'll even take a bad reason.....please!!! I HATE CLOSET FA'S!!!!!! It is my personal crusade to rid the world of them, one shithead at a time.



Should they be given the cold shoulder, or should they be allowed to change their views, opinions, and acceptance of themselves?
Should we ignore them, or better yet, try to rid the world of them?
Or should we try and help them (or if anything, just some accessible ones) come to the light? Realize that they're hurting themselves AND the women they do it to. Realize that there are much happier ways of living...
I can understand that frustration with the mindset of the person living such a two-faced life. But hating them because of it?
It is possible that they were never shown the love and care of what doing things "the right way" can lead to.



wrestlingguy said:


> It's insulting, demeaning, and shows a complete lack of respect. Unfortunately, the world has become a place where lack of respect is becoming more & more common. When I used to chat with BBW's, I respected all of them, realized they had lives beyond their size, talked with them about life, and things THEY were interested in. I think that because of that, I was lucky enough to get one of the hottest girls on the net, and have a wonderful life with her. Maybe if you trolls behaved the same way I did, you'd find a nice hot girl to go out with or marry, and not have to stay home jerkin' the gherkin thinking about those beautiful women, wishing you had one."



Helping them can do more than scrutinizing, labelling, and getting aggravated at them can.
Albeit, many of them are grown adults that just do it for sport, or because they want to - they do not deserve the attention or care. But when it comes to younger adults, or teenagers, someone should at least try to show them "the right way". Do you know what I mean?



Eclectic_Girl said:


> Similarly, regarding the approach - a certain amount of those "I'm trying to make a good impression" nerves is fine and natural, but too much self-consciousness or false bravado is off-putting. Your mother was right: just be yourself, but on your best behavior (i.e., save the public belching until she has already seen the gentlemanly side). You don't have to try to get anyone to like you - if she likes people like you, all you have to do is show her who you actually are. If she doesn't like people like you, the relationship will only last as long as you're not yourself. Aside from being dishonest, it's exhausting because you have to spend every moment thinking about what to say or how to react instead of just being. It's also hell on your self-esteem, in that you are constantly reinforcing to yourself that you don't think the real you is good enough.



Good advice, and very true.
I have somewhat of a side, and extreme, personal agenda I like to keep track of. It refers to your belching statement.
Men burp. Women burp, too. Men fart. Women fart. Men use the toilet. Women use the toilet.
Why should it be considered "wrong or rude" to burp in front of a man or woman? Or to fart in front of them? Or, better yet, on a more extreme level, go to the bathroom in front of them (if only speaking in a relationship term - Girlfriend/Wife taking "a dump" in front of her boyfriend/husband)?
It might just be me, personally. I am glad to be in a relationship where we are not afraid to do these things in front of the other. It's freedom.
I admit it's extreme to think that it's not rude to burp in front of a woman in the first minute of the first date. But it also depends on the two people. Does the other person really mind? Is the male (the burper) really a disgusting person that will do "bad habits" all the time? Are there even such things as "bad" habits?

*Shrugs* I digress...



Dravenhawk said:


> And yes there is more to the equasion. As with thier thinner company big girls have interests in movies, sports, TV, holywood, politics, family and friends...etc. Sometimes I have to say I am lacking in social grace. I stare blindly from the corner of the room knowing that as soon as I open my mouth it is only to exchange feet. So I take the sit quietly and take the do nothing approach. I am afraid I will say something really stupid. I dont ask a BBW about her eating or weight even after many dates. Thats sacred ground and woe be the tide to the FA who treads there uninvited.



If you are the type, Dravenhawk, that might say some stupid things, then so be it. Everyone says stupid things, some more than others. When looking at it from my point of view (again, read: Extreme), there is no such thing as a "stupid" thing to say.
But even still - If it is who you are. If you say stupid things, so what? If they cannot "overlook" that about you, or better yet, enjoy that about you, then should it be meant to be? Be yourself. At all costs, be yourself. It is the only thing you should know how to do, and should be the only thing you should have to do. What else does any human being on this planet know more than themselves?

Rule # Whatever (17?): Be yourself.



CuslonGodibb said:


> I think the anonymity of the Internet is the culprit here - at least to some degree. Some people seem to think that it's OK to behave however they want on the Internet and that the people they're talking to are not real, and this really frustrates me. I can't say I have any universal solution to the problem, though. Unfortunately. What I can do is try to be a good example.
> 
> I think this is a general problem in today's society. I mean, "IRL" there are parents and/or other grown-ups to teach/tell children how to behave, but on the Internet...? Who's telling children how to behave on the Internet today? Of course there are exceptions, but I think many parents don't really know or understand what their children are up to while surfing the Internet.



It is no longer the "anonymity of the Internet". It has spread throughout the world. "IRL" sort of situations (where they use internet lingo) presents itself thousands of times per day, via commercials, television programs, radio programs, radio commericals, etc... But the Internet itself is not only a blessing, where you can find your "true soulmate", but also where you can find the worst possible creep you can imagine.
A lot of parents also allow their children to use the internet in any way they please.
Al Gore really over looked that when he created the internet. 
It's unfortunate that children can learn they ways of internet anonymity, as you put it. Very good point.

/ My Views & Opinions


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## Jon Blaze (Oct 7, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> You know, I'm curious. I have come across quite a few people that feel they need to lose weight, for various reasons. But what I am curious about is, if that person feels they need to lose weight because of the "image issues" and nothing else, should we still not try to change their views on themselves and the world more positively? Or is that considered "changing", in a negative sense? Is trying to change a persons views in any way, shape or form considered wrong indefinitely?
> 
> I am just curious.



I think it's really in how you express your true goal in how you want to change them (Which is hard for me to explain so simple.. I'll go with the difference between "Acceptance of oneself," and "Maintenance"), which shouldn't be that they should skip aspiring to change necessarily, but not value themselves by such changes. I think in doing that, you have the right to use what you can to make the person feel good about themselves, and to encourage them to just love themselves. That trait has to come from them, but you can influence them. Maybe the weight really shouldn't be the goal here, and that's what makes it ok. There's nothing wrong with kind words in moderation I think.  

My personal beef with weight loss/gain isn't the fact that isn't being done, but as I've said before:
A. Some people have non-personal reasoning behind it.


B. Some don't consider the health risks associated with the change attempt, their current state of whatever (Which is stronger based on "Whatever they do"), and they may try whatever means necessary to get to whatever weight (Be it more healthful choices or not). This is mostly towards weight loss, but as much as I'm content with smokers: I find it odd some people smoke in order to stay a certain weight for example. It's not that I'm trying to give these people a health assessment, but rather how they really see the big picture. Like: When you cut off one sense, the others sense don't get stronger, but they become more acute to stimuli. Would you rather gouge your eyes out, or put a blindfold on?  


C. With any weight change: Be offensive towards the group they move away from. In other words: Lose/Gain weight, and become the EVANGELICAL WEIGHT BIGOT!! *Accent* I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!! OMFG!!   

Maybe this should be talked about.
I don't know if I'd personally try to push someone to not change if they do want to, but I think in some cases I most certainly would push someone to love themselves if I thought it was in their best interest. Just maybe in some situations: I really can't say.


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## Lamia (Oct 7, 2007)

TallFatSue said:


> Idiot B: :doh: :doh:
> He: "Hey baby, I got some pressure and I need to relieve it."
> Me: "Go ahead and burp."
> He: "No, it's down lower."
> ...



ROFLMAO I am crying I am laughing so hard. My biggest pet peeve with dim chat is having guys ask me "how far does your belly hang down". Sure makes me feel attractive. I told the guy I have an complicated pulley system with which I keep my belly hoisted at all times. 

Code of Conduct rule...um...whatever is the next consecutive one: During "special time" don't occupy all your time with rubbing our fat. Nothing makes me lose interest faster than have a fat roll on my back massaged repeatedly. Unless as has been stated the BBw has said "rubbing my back fat makes me hot".


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## Hamhock (Oct 7, 2007)

CurvyEm said:


> 3.) Don't assume a BBW will fall at your feet just because you're an FA. We're not easier than 'normal' women. We have standards, types and whatnot.



You're right you know. I once met a woman in the chat rooms here. We were chatting for a time. But then I did something (I don't know what) that got her annoyed and she cut me off. She even blocked me on AIM. That's how angry I made her.


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## Count Zero (Oct 7, 2007)

I'm sure this falls under the general rule of treating people with decency, but I think I'll state this anyway: 

Be honest with your intentions. 

If you're just looking for some fun, that's fine. Human beings are sexual creatures (some more sexual than others, but that's a whole other topic). But I think we've all heard of or experienced situations where one party or the other was led to believe they had something when the other person had no intention of being with them. If you're forward with your intentions, you'll save yourself and others from a potentially painful situation down the road. 

You might be perceived as shallow by some people, but it's better than being a lying cheat or anything like that.


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 14, 2008)

*BUMP* in light of recent thread as well.


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## superodalisque (Jan 14, 2008)

Thank you! this is a wonderful thread! 

FA DO: i love it when an FA treats me the way that he would really like to be treated by someone he cares deeply about. i want to be special. no double standards. when he does this i feel comfortable in reciprocating. in fact with my heart warmed, like most women, i can be unbelievably nice. if you wouldn't like to picture your girl doing whatever it is you are doing with other women, with other men--then don't do it. it doesn't even have to be sex. wanting this doesn't make a woman weird or uptight. she doesn't need a drink to loosen her up and mask her misgivings about you. it makes her real,honest, and respectful of her own feelings. 

a lot of women stuff those kinds of feelings and play the game of sexual jungle gym instead. its easier to pretend you don't care about being special to someone if you don't have the self esteem you need to believe you are good enough to warrant that or because a girl does not have enough faith in the guy. so some women who are really interested in you on a deep level might put up the facade of sexual abandon just to be close to you. real sexual abandon comes from a lot of trust. so a big FA DO: is to foster real trust. once you have that kind you know there is a huge difference between that and false bravado. the woman who fakes it will later go and cry to her girlfriends about how mean and thoughtless you are. i know, i'm usually the girlfriend lol. 

so FAs DON'T believe all the bluster you hear about how cool it is with a woman if you go off with someone else. don't think she doesn't notice where your hands are on other women or even do something as seemingly innocuous as having another woman sit on your lap. its never really cool--unless she just isn't into you and you are just a diversion for the night. there has to be some ground that other people don't cover thats only between two. and if you are really into a woman don't leave her room to wonder too much because she will nearly always come up with the worse case scenario--even if she never tells you about it.

so why do bbws act like everything is ok when it isn't. usually because they don't yet have a lot of confidence. these events where they outnumber men in huge amounts don't help. they see a lot of other seemingly more expereinced women acting as though they're ok with whatever guys do. a lot of them think they have to adopt the attitudes that they have because this is what some preditory FAs encourage in order to get a bigger quota of responsibility free titilation. so this leads to another FA DON'T: Don't make a woman feel there is something wrong with her if she is romantic,sentimental and has ideals. one day you might want a woman like that. by the time you are ready she may have become something else entirely because you or others have convinced her that what she was was wrong. so its just a firm investment in your own future not to totally distroy innocence.


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## franchescassbbw (Jan 14, 2008)

This is why you "grill" them before you even meet them. Ask the 100's of questions you need answered, either via email or chat. If one red flag goes up, don't even waste your time.

If all is good, then meet them somewhere neutral. Get to know them first before even inviting them home.

If he's willing to wait and put effort into the relationship, then he's worth keeping.


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## sugar and spice (Jan 14, 2008)

I love this thread, just about all the negative behaviors that bother me have already been listed but here is one more....
Please don't assume because I am a SSBBW that I want to wrestle you or physically pick you up. I am a feminine woman, I am already aware of how much bigger I am than you, please don't try to make me feel like a brute. This is especially true if we just met and don't know each other that well.
On the positive side I appreciate every FA who treat BBWs with respect and get to know all of us inside and out. I love that you are sensitive enough to anticipate what I might need to feel comfortable in any situation. I love that you are proud to be with me and always show it no matter where we are or who we are with. I appreciate every FA who may have to put up with comments from friends or family and stands his ground with pride. You guys are the best, and I am happy to say I am married to a wonderful man who is very proud to be with his soft fat girl.


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## bexy (Jan 14, 2008)

CurvyEm said:


> 3.) Don't assume a BBW will fall at your feet just because you're an FA. We're not easier than 'normal' women. We have standards, types and whatnot.


*
i'm late to this thread, and not sure if this would be limited to FAs or even if you could call these guys FAs but...


dont try to pick up a fat girl assuming she will DEFINITELY want to go with like em said, and then when she turns you down come out with lines such as

"yeah, well youre a fat bitch/cow/pig anyways"

or

"i only asked you for a dare anyways"

or

"whatever i was just trying to do you a favour love"

that last one is my fave. why do i need someone to do me a favour when i am in a club canoodling with my bf and only left his side to go to the bar, as opposed to be the single creep trawling the bar for women...

so to summise, dont chat up a fat girl if, if she happens to turn you down, you will resort to fat jokes and insults.*


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Jan 14, 2008)

CurvyEm said:


> 3.) Don't assume a BBW will fall at your feet just because you're an FA. We're not easier than 'normal' women. We have standards, types and whatnot.



This is a very good one...because this assumption is quite common...and I can see this going the other way as well.

Some might think that because one is an FA, they will go for any woman who is large. Definitely not true.

I don't know if anyone brought this point up already as I haven't read the thread completely yet but wanted to reply to this as I saw it.


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## lipmixgirl (Jan 14, 2008)

if all fas followed the example of our own FAJohnny, then there would be no need for a thread...


the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:::bow:


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## Lamia (Jan 14, 2008)

sugar and spice said:


> I love this thread, just about all the negative behaviors that bother me have already been listed but here is one more....
> Please don't assume because I am a SSBBW that I want to wrestle you or physically pick you up. I am a feminine woman, I am already aware of how much bigger I am than you, please don't try to make me feel like a brute. This is especially true if we just met and don't know each other that well.
> On the positive side I appreciate every FA who treat BBWs with respect and get to know all of us inside and out. I love that you are sensitive enough to anticipate what I might need to feel comfortable in any situation. I love that you are proud to be with me and always show it no matter where we are or who we are with. I appreciate every FA who may have to put up with comments from friends or family and stands his ground with pride. You guys are the best, and I am happy to say I am married to a wonderful man who is very proud to be with his soft fat girl.




Well said!! I would like to add that being an SSBBW doesn't mean you are strong. I couldn't pick up someone if I wanted to. I am tired of people thinking because I am large I am GRAGDA the uber woman and can lift up their freaking couch while they vacuum. :doh:


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## Jon Blaze (Feb 20, 2009)

Hyper re bump dude to recent threads. DUN DUN DUN!!


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## Cors (Feb 20, 2009)

Great thread!


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## superodalisque (Feb 20, 2009)

i was thinking. Stan was mentoning earlier in this thread about how there are no marrieds around to show the way. it would be nice to have some events that function in such a way that people could actually bring friends family kids etc... it would be nice to have more "normal" and supportive surroundings. it could be a stress reliever too where no one has to do the single performance and everyone could just be human for a while. also it would be really nice to have an activity, not just the pool or to eat or to go to a dance. how about doing something meaningful for other people? maybe going as a group to help some. it would be nice to see people have the chance to display the better side of their nature. it could be a volunteer something or other or maybe go to help someone with a weight related issue who just needs some basic help like someone too clean the house, walk the dog and go nd do the groceries? it might be easier for them if they get help from people who can relate and understand.


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## stan_der_man (Feb 22, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i was thinking. Stan was mentoning earlier in this thread about how there are no marrieds around to show the way. it would be nice to have some events that function in such a way that people could actually bring friends family kids etc...
> 
> ...



I think that is a great idea Superodalisque. Even if it's a simple impromptu gathering like having a group get together and go to Disneyland or some other place of interest where families (kids included) could all participate. Even (and I think this is already starting to happen...) just post a listing on the Events Board when someone is going to travel to an area they aren't familiar with and see if someone local would like to join up and have a meeting (or someone else who would like to make the same trip join along...) The sky is the limit on these sort of adventures, or even the reasons for having meetups.


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## Mac5689 (Feb 24, 2009)

i didn't know there was a code of conduct. 

now thats something else i have to memorize. lol

with almost everything needing a code of conduct, sooner or later ppl are going to hate saying those words


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## Mathias (Mar 15, 2009)

Think with your brain and not your sexual organs. Respect that it's *her* body and not your own. Just because I'm turned on by a BBW getting bigger, I have no right to force her to get bigger just to satisfy a fetish of my own.


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## RedVelvet (Mar 15, 2009)

Mathias said:


> Think with your brain and not your sexual organs. Respect that it's *her* body and not your own. Just because I'm turned on by a BBW getting bigger, I have no right to force her to get bigger just to satisfy a fetish of my own.





Well aren't you a smartypants?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 15, 2009)

Mathias said:


> Think with your brain and not your sexual organs. Respect that it's *her* body and not your own. Just because I'm turned on by a BBW getting bigger, I have no right to force her to get bigger just to satisfy a fetish of my own.



Matt....is that you?


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## Mathias (Mar 15, 2009)

...Yes.......


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 15, 2009)

Mathias said:


> ...Yes.......




Lol sorry. The name changes catch me off guard sometimes


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## wrestlingguy (Mar 16, 2009)

I'm going to keep repeating this as my mantra, that the world today as we know it has become very cruel/very harsh. People don't treat people with respect anymore. It's become stylish to be an asshole these days.

FA code of conduct? There should be a general guy code of conduct. Don't treat women like shit, they're not on the lolznet for your pleasure, despite what your sick mind thinks.

If they're married, or in a relationship, stay away, as you/they have nothing to offer. When I was single, and frequented the boards, I stayed away from those types of relationships, as I knew they would never be productive. While I could befriend anyone, I never got involved with someone "in the midst of divorce/ending a relationship.........etc."

Bottom line. Develop a moral code, and stick to it. Like I said, it has little to do with FA/BBW codes of conduct here. We're talking about PEOPLE. Read the fucking Bible, for Chrissakes. Try something, anything.


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## TotallyReal (Mar 16, 2009)

dont ask for a private forum or you will get ~owned~~


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## Mathias (Mar 16, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol sorry. The name changes catch me off guard sometimes



That's ok


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## tonynyc (Jul 20, 2011)

*** Bumping this thread **** always a good read


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## rg770Ibanez (Jul 22, 2011)

TotallyReal said:


> dont ask for a private forum or you will get ~owned~~



What does this mean exactly?


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## tonynyc (Aug 16, 2011)

rg770Ibanez said:


> What does this mean exactly?



Suspicious minds


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## lostjacket (Aug 17, 2011)

CurvyEm said:


> 3.) Don't assume a BBW will fall at your feet just because you're an FA. We're not easier than 'normal' women. We have standards, types and whatnot.



This. Win.


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## BellaBelle (Dec 20, 2011)

stan_der_man said:


> Great idea Zain! I was just wondering last night what all the good points were to the FA Code of Conduct; you got them listed!
> 
> We've had a good enlightened conversation about all of this, got the "Code" written down, but there are still all those ill mannered FAs out there... What should we do next before this thread is forgotten and sinks down into the digital blue like all others? We need to make this a better world for all of the fat people out there! Maybe Tragdor's got the right idea... Put on the decoder rings, go stealth, enforce the code, start knocking some skulls maybe? Perhaps, some form of attitude adjustment?
> 
> ...



This makes my day so much brighter knowing that y'all exist!:bow:


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## Webmaster (Dec 20, 2011)

BellaBelle said:


> This makes my day so much brighter knowing that y'all exist!:bow:



We do exist.  And we are all so happy that you do, too.


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## pilotman (Dec 30, 2011)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I am a person first, above all else. The first question you ask me should not be "How much do you weigh?" Get to know me, the person, first, and in time we can talk about my body. Do not think that I want to cyber or talk about sex within 5 minutes of starting to talk to you. Just like in real life, if you want me to talk about sex, you have to get me comfortable first.
> 
> I am more than the sum of my fat rolls. Adore me, adore the whole package - not just my body.



Couldn't agree more. For me, I notice the person first by sight. I'm attracted to larger women. Cant give a reason for this. Just always have. But it is not about her body only from that point. I wouldn't love her any less if she went down to skinny same as guys that marry skinny women and then watch them gain 100 pounds don't always run out on their significant other. It I digress. 

The point I'm driving at is this, it is normal for an initial attraction to be about physical characteristics. It is. Not, in my opinion, normal to dwell on those things. If that's all it is about then you most likely have a fetish and one would be better off in the company of prostitutes as they get paid to be objectified. 

That being said I still like to look at an attractive women. I'm taken but not blind! Hope I didn't take it off topic.


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