# What attracts you to a larger man?



## RJI (Dec 19, 2014)

Ladies what is it that attracts you to those of us that are larger?

I have dated several woman that say it is the secure feeling they get and as a bonus we are cuddly. 

I have also been with a few that just have a fetish. 

Those that were about the fetish were never considered for anything long term but just fun while it lasts  

So what is it that gravitates you our way?


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## Anjula (Dec 19, 2014)

I feed on your humiliation and insecurities. i love watching it melt underneath my hands and/or lips.


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## tankyguy (Dec 19, 2014)

I attract women with my increased gravitational pull that's a result of my greater mass.


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## Melian (Dec 19, 2014)

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

(just a fetish, I guess.....)


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## loopytheone (Dec 19, 2014)

Kinda mean to say that you only considered people with fat fetishes for short term flings...

But for me personally, I just like bigger guys. I always have like chubby things, ever since I was a kid. I guess I don't really know how to answer this question because attraction isn't always something you can rationalise. But big guys make me take notice and feel pleasant in a way that thinner guys don't tend to.


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## forp1940 (Dec 20, 2014)

I have dated a really skinny guy right after a bigger guy. the bigger guy was 5 foot 10 and 270lbs and the skinny guy was 5 foot 6 and like 130lbs. I am a big girl and I always felt like I was gonna break the skinny guy. I put my head on his chest and felt collar bones. I do not like that at all. With the bigger guy I fell asleep on his chest and felt nothing but a squishy piece of heaven. That and I loved using his belly as a pillow while watching movies.I felt warm and safe with him and he could overpower me which was refreshing. Plus bigger guys like to eat food and don't judge me. I like bigger men because they feel more equal at my size.


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## ODFFA (Dec 20, 2014)

So, for me, there's a bit of symbolism to the attraction. Definitely in terms of the protection element, as RJI suggested. I love the idea that a man can carry so much softness. I think I'm fascinated with the idea of balance, especially when it comes to gender. And with a larger guy, at least physically, it's a gorgeous balance between strength and softness, cute and sexy, substantial and malleable. That kind of thing.

In terms of the sexual aspect, as Loopy said, it's hard to pinpoint the reasons for your own attraction. I suppose FAs are typically very much into cuddles and adore the feeling of being enveloped by / playing with the softness. Most of us also probably think about bellies in very sexual terms. Not constantly, but I'd imagine more than most people think about them. The stomach is a gorgeously intimate and sexy part of the body to me. Anyone's body, even if I'm not attracted to them. Tummies are awesome things, and I have a definite fascination with them.

And, just as a nice little bonus, it's fun to fly in the face of what society expects you to be into. It's a glorious feeling to walk beside someone way larger than you with a satisfied smile on your face and no fucks given.


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## Anjula (Dec 20, 2014)

ODFFA said:


> .
> 
> And, just as a nice little bonus, it's fun to fly in the face of what society expects you to be into. It's a glorious feeling to walk beside someone way larger than you with a satisfied smile on your face and no fucks given.



Amen! :bounce:


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## Bigsweetguy619 (Dec 20, 2014)

I've never had the confidence to really flirt or pursue a girl without a few drinks in me. In all honesty I am 32 and have never had a girlfriend, think it would have been different had I ever been of average size but have never been small, 300+ in high school and over 400 now. Any tips on knowing when a girl is interested in being more than just friends would be awesome to know. I went out on what I thought was a date recently but I got friend zoned, such is life. m


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## agouderia (Dec 20, 2014)

RJI said:


> Ladies what is it that attracts you to those of us that are larger?
> 
> I have dated several woman that say it is the secure feeling they get and as a bonus we are cuddly.



Definitely this.

Also - even though I'm probably not big enough (size US 14 at 5'7") to qualify as a BBW according to Dims standards, I'm on the strong side for a woman and have trouble taking any man seriously whose shoulders are narrower than mine.

As far as the haptics go - what am I supposed to do with my hands, fingers, also lips with a skinny guy? Skin, bones, sinew .... neither tactile pleasure nor actually much material to work with in the first place.

With a big guy, feeling the texture of fat on the different body parts, where it's denser of flabbier, the transition from muscle flesh to fat, the options of feeling out a full stomach - delightful.

On the more mental and psychological side, I'm noticed that most big guys are less self-obsessed and thus better to talk to, as they are more likely to engage in an actual discussion and not only drone on about 'me, me, me'. Maybe this is the result from being conditioned to cultivate other talents as being fat is considered unattractive and something you need to make up for.

And there is something to Odette's theory also that it is a form of defiance and proving to have an independent mind and unconventional tastes.


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## bayone (Dec 21, 2014)

tankyguy said:


> I attract women with my increased gravitational pull that's a result of my greater mass.



Can somebody rep tankyguy for this, the site won't let me.


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## tankyguy (Dec 21, 2014)

bayone said:


> Can somebody rep tankyguy for this, the site won't let me.



Physics-based pickup lines are key.

"Girl, you're like general relativity gravity dilation; when I'm close to you, time stands still."
:wubu:


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Dec 21, 2014)

Bigsweetguy619 said:


> I've never had the confidence to really flirt or pursue a girl without a few drinks in me. In all honesty I am 32 and have never had a girlfriend, think it would have been different had I ever been of average size but have never been small, 300+ in high school and over 400 now. Any tips on knowing when a girl is interested in being more than just friends would be awesome to know. I went out on what I thought was a date recently but I got friend zoned, such is life. m



Now you just move on to the next. Date EVERYONE! Also, not that I'm a master dater, but if you dig someone, you need to be sure to tell them and not expect them to just know. If I've learned anything, it's to be straightforward. That doesn't mean they'll feel the same, but at least they know.


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## RJI (Dec 22, 2014)

loopytheone said:


> *Kinda mean to say that you only considered people with fat fetishes for short term flings...*
> 
> But for me personally, I just like bigger guys. I always have like chubby things, ever since I was a kid. I guess I don't really know how to answer this question because attraction isn't always something you can rationalise. But big guys make me take notice and feel pleasant in a way that thinner guys don't tend to.



Sorry not trying to be mean. 
I like to base my relationships on more then a physical attraction or fetish. I find that people who start a relationship based on a fetish have nothing to fall back on during a rough patch especially if that fetish is sexual. What happens if that individual loses weight, will there still be an attraction? 

Its just my preference that if I meet someone that has an attraction to my belly before they do my mind or personality I tend to not date them long term as I require so much more in a relationship. Not saying it could not happen though!


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## RJI (Dec 22, 2014)

Bigsweetguy619 said:


> I've never had the confidence to really flirt or pursue a girl without a few drinks in me. In all honesty I am 32 and have never had a girlfriend, think it would have been different had I ever been of average size but have never been small, 300+ in high school and over 400 now. Any tips on knowing when a girl is interested in being more than just friends would be awesome to know. I went out on what I thought was a date recently but I got friend zoned, such is life. m



You have to be confident in your own skin, then you will be surprised how many people will approach you. 

Also like Hozay said let people know you are interested. Worst thing anyone can say is no... and move on to the next. Don't give up.


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## Crumbling (Dec 22, 2014)

Bigsweetguy619 said:


> I've never had the confidence to really flirt or pursue a girl without a few drinks in me. In all honesty I am 32 and have never had a girlfriend, think it would have been different had I ever been of average size but have never been small, 300+ in high school and over 400 now. Any tips on knowing when a girl is interested in being more than just friends would be awesome to know. I went out on what I thought was a date recently but I got friend zoned, such is life.



I sympathise, and really understand where you are coming from.

I had the weirdest relationship with one of my 'friends' for a long time. One time we'd be smiles and laughter, and the next it was like I'd killed her puppy. She eventually started dating someone else in our social group, we became actual friends...and over time I worked out WTF the problem was.

I'd been missing her cues. I flirted and smiled and laughed and did everything 'right' but didn't really have the self confidence to believe she _COULD_ be interested, nor the experience to recognise the cues that she was interested.

End result, she'd get pissed off because she couldn't work out if I liked her either, and we blew hot and cold at each other for 6 months.

Thing is, you can read a list (and you probably have, I did) of cues and signs body language etc. but they don't do you a damn bit of good until you learn to recognise them 'in the moment'.

If I could go back in time and stick myself in the ass with a fork every time I missed a woman _repeatedly_ flicking her goddamn hair in my face... I'd spend pretty much the entirety of 1995-2003 unable to sit down.

Socialise, flirt and have fun, talk to people without an agenda...

Join a club or an interest group. You do know this stuff (you've face-palmed over a missed cue on the way home), but like anything else you need to practice it. 

My social awkwardness wasn't (isn't) an inherent part of my personality but a side effect of deliberately avoiding drawing attention to myself for many many years. 

For the longest time I thought I was this guy.





and in some regards I am.

But when I made the effort, I discovered (much to my own surprise) that I'm also this guy.





Sometimes all you have to do is learn how to let the 'big guy' out, the rest of it takes care of itself.


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## Amaranthine (Dec 22, 2014)

RJI said:


> Sorry not trying to be mean.
> I like to base my relationships on more then a physical attraction or fetish. I find that people who start a relationship based on a fetish have nothing to fall back on during a rough patch especially if that fetish is sexual. What happens if that individual loses weight, will there still be an attraction?
> 
> Its just my preference that if I meet someone that has an attraction to my belly before they do my mind or personality I tend to not date them long term as I require so much more in a relationship. Not saying it could not happen though!



Starting a relationship (that's more than sexual) based purely on physical attraction period is dumb period. But isn't that what most people notice first? Fetish or not, people tend to gravitate towards those they find physically appealing. I don't think that precludes truly appreciating someone for their personality and having a deep relationship. I'd much rather someone find me physically attractive AND mentally attractive, instead of only developing physical attraction until after they know me better.


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## Marlayna (Dec 22, 2014)

RJI said:


> Ladies what is it that attracts you to those of us that are larger?
> 
> I have dated several woman that say it is the secure feeling they get and as a bonus we are cuddly.
> 
> ...


Just generalizing here, but going by my experiences, a lot big guys have handsome faces, and good senses of humor.
They're excellent for cuddling, like to go to nice steak houses, aren't critical of my eating habits...and they make me feel positively tiny.:smitten:

Some sweat too much in warm weather, but that's for a different thread.


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## lille (Dec 22, 2014)

RJI said:


> You have to be confident in your own skin, then you will be surprised how many people will approach you.
> 
> Also like Hozay said let people know you are interested. Worst thing anyone can say is no... and move on to the next. Don't give up.



It's true. My boyfriend is a BHM, 5'10" 330ish. He's been big his whole life. He's also confident and pretty outgoing. He has had a decent number of romantic relationships and large number of sexual relationships. He actually just got asked be the guy in FMF threesome the other day (and oddly enough this isn't the first time). Looks are part of it, but confidence and personality are just as, if not more, important.

Edit to add:

As for what attracts me to big guys, part of it is that I've always been fascinated by fat. When I was young and didn't even know what masturbation was yet, I would fantasize about fat. So that's just sort of always been a thing for me, though it took me a while to connect the dots, partly because society was always telling me I should like the washboard abs dude, probably also why I had zero interest in dating for a while. There's also the size difference; I enjoy feeling small and snuggling with someone who is more than twice my size certainly does that. I like feeling protected. Plus fat guys are much better for snuggling. I had a one night fling with a super skinny guy and it was so WEIRD, I ad no idea where to put my hands.


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## Amaranthine (Dec 23, 2014)

lille said:


> As for what attracts me to big guys, part of it is that I've always been fascinated by fat. When I was young and didn't even know what masturbation was yet, I would fantasize about fat. So that's just sort of always been a thing for me, though it took me a while to connect the dots, partly because society was always telling me I should like the washboard abs dude, probably also why I had zero interest in dating for a while. There's also the size difference; I enjoy feeling small and snuggling with someone who is more than twice my size certainly does that. I like feeling protected. Plus fat guys are much better for snuggling. I had a one night fling with a super skinny guy and it was so WEIRD, *I had no idea where to put my hands.*



This! What's sex without something to grab onto? 

Also, pretty much everything else you said. And most things everyone else said. When it boils down to it, I was just programmed very early on to like fat. I could give plenty of reasons/explanations of things that I like, but most of them are post hoc. But the undeniably superior cuddles and feeling protected are definite bonuses. And like OD mentioned, that element of flouting societal expectations.


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## Bigsweetguy619 (Dec 23, 2014)

Thank you all for the much needed advice. I will find myself in a lot of social gatherings these coming weeks. Vegas, ski resort, NYE party and I want to try and do my best at being more confident and approachable. Bought me some new spiffy clothes, will post some pics when I can of my trek. You guys have given me much to think about when it comes to how exactly I portray myself to the opposite sex and the rest of the world. Happy holidays!


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## Melian (Dec 23, 2014)

Amaranthine said:


> This! What's sex without something to grab onto?



To continue this sentiment  :

If there is nothing to squeeze, I'm going to get bored after less than a minute, even if the guy is incredibly pretty.


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## Goreki (Dec 24, 2014)

Bigsweetguy619 said:


> Thank you all for the much needed advice. I will find myself in a lot of social gatherings these coming weeks. Vegas, ski resort, NYE party and I want to try and do my best at being more confident and approachable. Bought me some new spiffy clothes, will post some pics when I can of my trek. You guys have given me much to think about when it comes to how exactly I portray myself to the opposite sex and the rest of the world. Happy holidays!


Good luck, relax, enjoy the night and have awesome, genuine conversations about things you love. Then hit them with your confidence and see what happens


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## bmwm2001 (Dec 27, 2014)

I have only recently been able to enjoy my own weight, and im not even massive or anything. It makes sense that if guys can be sexualy attracted to big girls, that girls can be attracted to big guys!
And then if you consider just beyond the physical attraction, its also a common grounds thing. Me and my partner prefer sitting on our ass eating take out 3 times a week and we gain Weight. I don't need to remind anyone on here how much of an amazing, sensual, intimate and beautiful thing food and eating is  
I had the same as lille too. Before even masturbation i loved fat and saw it as a sexual thing and that the fatter someone was, the more sexual they were because food turned me on so much!
My girlfriend loves hugging my belly and squeezing my love handles, fat thighs and arms, loves grabbing my back fat and tits and even has started grinding against my stomach when im on top for stimulation. She loves me being fat  it makes us both very very happy!

Daniel xxx


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## lille (Dec 27, 2014)

Melian said:


> To continue this sentiment  :
> 
> If there is nothing to squeeze, I'm going to get bored after less than a minute, even if the guy is incredibly pretty.



Exactly. The guy was pretty, but yeah, just pretty isn't my thing (though the accent helped, hurray for foreign students). It was interesting to have the experience, but it's not one I feel the need to repeat.


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## MsBrightside (Jan 3, 2015)

RJI: I'm late contributing to this thread, but it's a very interesting question; thanks for posing it!

It seems like everyone agrees that the best way for a single person to find a partner is to put him- or herself out there a little more more. (I wish I had done this when I was young and single.) It improves the odds of success and provides practice in approaching others so that it hopefully begins to feel natural and comfortable rather than forced or awkward. What biglynch said about just having fun rather than going out with a specific goal in mind also seems like good advice to me; a connection with someone is probably more likely to happen organically when someone is relaxed and not stressing about the outcome. 

I think both men and women tend to know right away in most instances whether they are attracted to someone or not; although personally there have been occasions when I was not attracted to someone at first glance, but when we got to know one another, he became extremely attractive to me. 



biglynch said:


> Getting to know someone is never a waste of time.


 
I love this sentiment!

Also, perhaps I am hopelessly old-fashioned, but the idea of hooking up with someone whom one knows nothing about (even his or her name?!) sounds dangerous to me on a number of levels. 

bigmac makes a good point about not investing emotional energy in wishing for a relationship to be something other than it is, but so does biglynch when he said that some women are more reserved than others and may be written off too quickly. Confidence is an attractive trait in both men and women, but I always assumed that men who were outgoing in general but aloof with me were just not interested. I'm not saying that a man should pursue a woman with an air of desperation or allow himself to be used as an emotional crutch, but I think that showing genuine interest in someone you're attracted to is a much better approach than trying to affect disinterest for strategic purposes.

And to answer the original question:
1) Bigger men often seem more approachable to me, as agouderia said. Perhaps because they are not perceived, physically speaking, by most people as God's gift to the world, they are sometimes less arrogant (at least in my experience); although everyone is different, and it's probably not wise to generalize too much.

2) A man's size, to some extent, suggests his willingness to indulge in sensual pleasures, which can definitely be a good thing. 

3) Like many of the other women here, I find the tactile aspect of being with a bigger guy very appealing, although I probably wouldn't use the word "cuddly." Not because I can think of a better term; it just makes me think of Winnie the Pooh or Snuggles the fabric softener bear , which is not really what I want to think about when I'm with an attractive man.

4) And, finally, as others have stated more eloquently, I'm not sure anyone can adequately explain why someone's looks are pleasing to him or her *shrug*; I just think a lot of bigger men are nice to look at.


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## HDANGEL15 (Jan 5, 2015)

RJI said:


> Ladies what is it that attracts you to those of us that are larger?
> 
> I have dated several woman that say it is the secure feeling they get and as a bonus we are cuddly.
> 
> ...



*For me it is way more then fetish....the idea of a man smaller then me is a total TURN OFF....in anyway....legs/arms/belly etc...prefer men 100-200 MORE then me for sure....I like the security of a big man, the strength, the size, his dauntingness (my new word)....rolls to grab onto, lay on...feel...nothing hotter then a man loving to eat....:smitten:*


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## FatAndProud (Jan 5, 2015)

Personality, confidence, and plushness. I enjoy the big hands. I like a hairy, big bellied kinda guy. I love a big gut in jeans with a belt  I like how a BHM makes me feel small. I am trying to lose more weight to get more of that feeling. BHM just make me feel safe and protected. I also like how a BHM can have dominance over me and even when I challenge, he wins without me letting him


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## Tad (Jan 6, 2015)

Moderator note: This thread went massively off topic. Normally I'm pretty tolerant of that happening, but I really think that this is a thread this board needs, a place where new members who honestly want to understand this question can find answers. Meanwhile the off-topic discussion was nothing that hasn't been discussed elsewhere.

If anyone wants to start a thread about what is an acceptable size of big, currently correct collective nouns for the genders, or how their personal experience clashes with what they see posted here, you are welcome to do so. Those topics are not forbidden (although the collective nouns one should go in Hyde Park, not this board) and are valid topics for discussion.....but let's keep this thread about the original questions.


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## cherrygarcia (Jun 10, 2015)

Inevitably I'm going to echo some of my ffa sisters here, but it's definitely a tactile thing. Not just beautiful to look at, but inviting. Who could argue that fat people are the best at hugging?? We just are. We're MADE for hugs. So yeah, cuddliness. We see a big guy and we go all grabby hands. And I hardly think it can be denied that there's an element of the Big Strong Protector archetype playing in here. I personally love broad shoulders on a man. A little muscle underneath is appreciated but lack of it is definitely NOT a turnoff.


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