# Is it really worth it to be open about being an FA?



## BigFinchdog (Aug 5, 2009)

I knew I liked big women when I was about 9. I danced with the biggest girl in our class at a spring dance and didn't think much of it other than "Wow she's really hot and this feels incredible!" 

Then I went to school on Monday.

I already got picked on by pretty much everyone so this was like throwing a gas can in a bonfire. To make matters worse, I told her she felt like a teddy bear (tell me you'd have done better in 5th grade) and she hated me forever and started joining in with everyone else picking on me. So I decided that no one could ever know what kind of girls I liked.

My parents didnt find out until senior year when they watched the biggest girl in the marching band flag corps (5'9 300ish) do everything but make out with me in the stands for an entire game. I still hear about it from my mom 8 years later and it's not light-hearted ribbing. My mom is 5'9 and has never weighed more than 160 and that was when she was pregnant with me. She hates fat people indiscriminately so that further pushed me in the closet.

Once I got out of HS for a few months and realized how truly stupid it was to let the opinions of others dictate who I dated I felt a lot better about things but I never really came all the way "out of the closet."

Now that Ive gone to college and held some jobs in varying fields, I realize that it is not always in my best interest to be open about what I like. A lot of times I feel the way a non-racist white person might have felt during the civil rights movement. If I speak up Im at the very least risking getting labeled as a weirdo and at worst I might lose an acquaintance or friend. I've had jobs where I got shunned to the point that my hours got cut because people told management I made them "uncomfortable" and I knew for a fact it was because of my taste in women. If I don't say anything then I'm as bad as someone making fun of fat people. Two of my best friends from HS wont hang out in public with me because they dont want to be seen with "the dude that bangs fat chicks". And I'm not going to even get into what it's done as far as relationships go.

Am I wrong for feeling like this? I feel so ignorant because the internet is really the only place Ive ever been able to discuss this comfortably. I've literally had one friend my entire life whose tastes are similar to mine and is open about it.

I'm sorry this is so long but I refuse to talk about this IRL anymore and I needed an outlet and I talk too much. If you made it all the way through thank you very much!


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## katorade (Aug 5, 2009)

It's only worth it if you enjoy the feeling of being true to yourself and standing up for yourself. If your friends take exception to your feelings towards fat chicks and shun you because of it, then they're not your friends. Your mom can not like fat people all she wants, but unless you want to live with her until she's dead, you can't let her opinion dictate your wants.

Also, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You don't have to, nor should you, share your preferences at work. That goes for any sexual preference or habit, be they mainstream or not. Nobody sharing TPS reports with you wants to know what gets your dick hard. If they do, run away, because mixing business with pleasure is a bad idea.
Your acquaintances don't need to know, either, unless you want them to and they directly ask. Volunteering any sexual or romantic preferences to others could make them uncomfortable if they didn't directly ask about it, even if you're willing to share. 

If they ask and seem adverse to your answer, the worst thing you could do is ask ashamed. That just gives them fuel to make you feel like you SHOULD be ashamed. So what if they think you're a weirdo. I'm sure there's other stuff you do that make people think you're weird. I'm sure there's stuff THEY do that YOU think is weird. It's nothing worth burning someone at the stake over.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 5, 2009)

This is really less about BBWs than about trust. With whom can you be yourself? As you have learned, there are a lot of jerks out there, and also a lot of insecure people who will go along unquestioningly with the majority in order to feel that they're fitting in. Whom do you tell about your preferences? I would say, tell those who *need* to know. If not telling someone is going to hurt that person somehow, then tell. Otherwise, why say anything? The people who are close to you will figure it out, and you don't owe true confessions to people who aren't close to you, do you?


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## The Fez (Aug 5, 2009)

I think age is relevant with this question. Once you get into your 20's at least, you should be at the age that people will openly accept your preferances, maybe give you a bit of shit for it, but it'll be playful. You don't have to go out of your way to tell people that you're into big girls, but if it's brought up, why lie? You'd be lying to yourself in the long run.

Having said that, don't let people give you shit for you thinking that you might be better off in the closet. I think the first thread I made was about how to deal with being an FA when I'm not confident in myself with it, and I got shit on for page upon page. Fuck that. You're not going to be able to say one day 'you know what, fuck it, I'm ok with this!'. It'll take a while, especially if you've had issues like being the friend who hooks up with fat girls, or similar.

Try sticking around and getting involved with the forums a bit more; it might help your self confidence out, which is ultimately what it boils down to in the end.


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## BigFinchdog (Aug 5, 2009)

katorade said:


> Your mom can not like fat people all she wants, but unless you want to live with her until she's dead, you can't let her opinion dictate your wants.



It wasnt so much her opinion in particular that affected me, its the fact that she's very open minded about everything else. I feel like fat people are about the last major group you can openly discriminate against and not get labeled a bigot. I felt like if she could be that cruel then the rest of the world is probably worse.



katorade said:


> You don't have to, nor should you, share your preferences at work...Your acquaintances don't need to know, either, unless you want them to and they directly ask. Volunteering any sexual or romantic preferences to others could make them uncomfortable if they didn't directly ask about it, even if you're willing to share.



I NEVER, under any circumstances, bring up someone's physical preferences. When you work in a kitchen though (and Ive worked in many) the subject is bound to come up and if you don't at least indulge people you'll get labeled a lot worse things than an FA. It's a lot like a football locker room. As far as acquaintances go, if someone is the type to get uncomfortable about a discussion about what theyre attracted to then we'll never get along anyways




katorade said:


> the worst thing you could do is ask ashamed.



Even when I was deepest in the closet about my tastes I never felt any shame because I knew there wasnt anything wrong or evil about what I liked. Getting picked on for the overwhelming majority of my school life just taught me that hiding certain things about yourself is a lot easier.


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## UMBROBOYUM (Aug 5, 2009)

It is worth it to be open. If anyone doesn't like the fact that you're happy with fat chicks, then fuck them. Not literally. They arent good enough for you if they cant accept you, no matter who they are. Theres a time to draw a line and when its crossed there no going back. I've made my choices and my lines now. I feel better and at peace. I hope you find the same.

-Jon


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## BigFinchdog (Aug 5, 2009)

katorade said:


> It's only worth it if you enjoy the feeling of being true to yourself and standing up for yourself. If your friends take exception to your feelings towards fat chicks and shun you because of it, then they're not your friends. Your mom can not like fat people all she wants, but unless you want to live with her until she's dead, you can't let her opinion dictate your wants.
> 
> Also, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You don't have to, nor should you, share your preferences at work. That goes for any sexual preference or habit, be they mainstream or not. Nobody sharing TPS reports with you wants to know what gets your dick hard. If they do, run away, because mixing business with pleasure is a bad idea.
> Your acquaintances don't need to know, either, unless you want them to and they directly ask. Volunteering any sexual or romantic preferences to others could make them uncomfortable if they didn't directly ask about it, even if you're willing to share.
> ...



Just to address your points....

My mom's reaction had no direct bearing on my tastes, if that makes sense. I stopped having any regard for my mother's opinions a long time ago, its just that she's open minded as can be about everything except fat people. I feel like thats the last group you can openly discriminate against and not get labeled a bigot by the masses so I felt that if she could be that cruel then I certainly couldnt expect good things from others.

I never willingly share any information along those lines. Most of my jobs are working in kitchens though and its like a football locker room. I am not quiet and reserved and if I try to act that way when the subject of women comes up then I get labeled gay (ironically that always works out much better but thats another thread). As far as when Im with acquaintances, I used to be way to much of a whore to hide what I liked. I still like to talk to a lot of women but Im not trying to jump down their pants immediately and its not always to even get her number. Naturally Im going to want to talk to women I find at least reasonably attractive and about 60% of the time that means she's gonna be pretty big (16+). So why should I "tone it down" because Im worried about making somebody ignorant and close-minded uncomfortable?

Ive never felt any shame over what I like because I knew from the beginning that there wasnt anything "wrong" with it. I got teased for things that were completely out of my control and not "wrong" at all so I really wasnt trying t add another log to the fire.


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## BigFinchdog (Aug 5, 2009)

The Fez said:


> I think age is relevant with this question. Once you get into your 20's at least, you should be at the age that people will openly accept your preferances, maybe give you a bit of shit for it, but it'll be playful. You don't have to go out of your way to tell people that you're into big girls, but if it's brought up, why lie? You'd be lying to yourself in the long run.
> 
> Having said that, don't let people give you shit for you thinking that you might be better off in the closet. I think the first thread I made was about how to deal with being an FA when I'm not confident in myself with it, and I got shit on for page upon page. Fuck that. You're not going to be able to say one day 'you know what, fuck it, I'm ok with this!'. It'll take a while, especially if you've had issues like being the friend who hooks up with fat girls, or similar.
> 
> Try sticking around and getting involved with the forums a bit more; it might help your self confidence out, which is ultimately what it boils down to in the end.



My self-confidence is not the problem at all. I have a pretty healthy level of self-esteem and has been a big source of my romantic difficulties up to this point. I'm 24 and pretty much everyone I hang out with is well over 30 and age doesnt have as much to do with it as you'd like to think when it comes to this subject. Sure it's not as bad as it would be if I hung out with more people my own age but DJing has exposed me to lots of different settings and the big girls (and the men that openly like them) get the same bullshit treatment pretty much across the board.


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## BigFinchdog (Aug 5, 2009)

UMBROBOYUM said:


> It is worth it to be open. If anyone doesn't like the fact that you're happy with fat chicks, then fuck them. Not literally. They arent good enough for you if they cant accept you, no matter who they are. Theres a time to draw a line and when its crossed there no going back. I've made my choices and my lines now. I feel better and at peace. I hope you find the same.
> 
> -Jon



This is usually how I feel but I like being around people so it's sort of a catch 22. At the end of the day I know that I'll never be the type of person thats "popular" on more than a superficial level, I just need to have some people slap me in the face with the reality that Ive just got to suck it up and accept that people (mostly) suck.


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## UMBROBOYUM (Aug 5, 2009)

don't worry too much, just be true to yourself and let your heart guide you. Its the only thing you'll ever really need to follow. In other words (easier said then done) be yourself and dont let anyone or thing try to change you.


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## Jon Blaze (Aug 5, 2009)

I think you're focusing a little bit too much on what others might feel about you, but I'm also somewhat confused by your definition of what "Being out of the closet" really is.

The biggest thing is just being true to yourself and others. Sometimes yelling it isn't best, but telling the truth and not backing down can be very rewarding. 

I'd say just go with the whole and be truthful. No need to lay it out in a job interview you know? lol


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Aug 5, 2009)

BigFinchdog said:


> I knew I liked big women when I was about 9. I danced with the biggest girl in our class at a spring dance and didn't think much of it other than "Wow she's really hot and this feels incredible!"
> 
> Then I went to school on Monday.
> 
> ...



Having an alternate sexual preference is not easy. I was lucky because my friends are open-minded people. I went through a similar problem with my mom. 

What I do at work is I don't bring up my sexual preference unless someone asks me. Sex and gender issues are always potentially explosive in the workplace and are better discussed outside of the company.


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## wrestlingguy (Aug 5, 2009)

BigFinchdog said:


> Now that Ive gone to college and held some jobs in varying fields, I realize that it is not always in my best interest to be open about what I like. A lot of times I feel the way a non-racist white person might have felt during the civil rights movement. If I speak up Im at the very least risking getting labeled as a weirdo and at worst I might lose an acquaintance or friend. I've had jobs where I got shunned to the point that my hours got cut because people told management I made them "uncomfortable" and I knew for a fact it was because of my taste in women. If I don't say anything then I'm as bad as someone making fun of fat people. Two of my best friends from HS wont hang out in public with me because they dont want to be seen with "the dude that bangs fat chicks". And I'm not going to even get into what it's done as far as relationships go.



First, the fact that you'd even ask whether it's worth it to be an open FA is worth it shows me you're headed in a good direction.

With that said, I have to ask you why you're being called "the dude that bangs fat chicks". FA's may have a preference for the curvy female form, but for most of us, it's not just about banging. To me, that screams to people on the outside that fat girls are just for you getting off, since you can't get anyone else, like your self esteem is low.......are you feelin' me here?

If your friends are going to judge you solely based on who you date, you may want to consider finding new friends. I've had to get rid of my share over the years, and I've found many good friends in this community, who still share my interests, but don't look down on my for what I like.

Years ago, early in my FA dom, I used to run the Atlantic City boardwalk. I had a favorite t-shirt that I used to wear that said "I'll take the fat one". As I have moved along in my journey, increasing in my conviction & confidence in my preference, my t-shirt would say "I want the fat one", a clear shift in perception.

Somewhere here, a little over a year ago, I posted about how I left my job over being an open FA. That, coupled with my wife's paysite modeling, and my boss' insistence on making fun of both my wife and me, caused me to resign, throw my boss under the bus as an asshole, threaten lawsuit for creating a hostile work environment, and move on to a much better position, where my company understands that what I like, and what my wife does has nothing to do with how I perform at my job, which I am really damn good at:bow:.

I've never looked back, and standing up in those situations only makes one feel better about themselves, not worse. Try it someday, and you'll see what I mean.


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## James (Aug 5, 2009)

BigFinchdog said:


> .....
> 
> Now that Ive gone to college and held some jobs in varying fields, I realize that it is not always in my best interest to be open about what I like. A lot of times I feel the way a non-racist white person might have felt during the civil rights movement. If I speak up Im at the very least risking getting labeled as a weirdo and at worst I might lose an acquaintance or friend. I've had jobs where I got shunned to the point that my hours got cut because people told management I made them "uncomfortable" and I knew for a fact it was because of my taste in women. If I don't say anything then I'm as bad as someone making fun of fat people. Two of my best friends from HS wont hang out in public with me because they dont want to be seen with "the dude that bangs fat chicks". And I'm not going to even get into what it's done as far as relationships go.
> 
> ...



You are not wrong for feeling this way. The bottom line is that your experiences are valid and many of us have shared similar ones. I think that being able to discuss this with other FAs ought to help somewhat as it definitely helps to hear the perspectives of others who have been through what you have. 

I would *generally *advise against making this a conversational topic with BBWs who will naturally be likely to view such topics in a way that makes comparison with their own experiences. Neither FAs nor BBWs should belittle eachother's differing experiences but the common reaction would be to view such FA complaints with a pinch of 'man the fuck up'. I'm not saying that you have done so... I mention it more as a general piece of advice to others and especially any newbie FAs who might be reading this. 



The Fez said:


> ....
> 
> Having said that, don't let people give you shit for you thinking that you might be better off in the closet. I think the first thread I made was about how to deal with being an FA when I'm not confident in myself with it, and I got shit on for page upon page. Fuck that. You're not going to be able to say one day 'you know what, fuck it, I'm ok with this!'. It'll take a while, especially if you've had issues like being the friend who hooks up with fat girls, or similar.
> 
> Try sticking around and getting involved with the forums a bit more; it might help your self confidence out, which is ultimately what it boils down to in the end.



I'm with Fez on this. There are going to be some downsides to a decision to be out of the closet. Its ok to admit that because its true. In my experience those downsides are massively outweighed by the upsides but being 'ok with it' is a process and I don't think its common that a person goes from fully 'in' to fully 'out' overnight. It doesn't sound like you did. In fact it seems like you are asking the question from the perspective of someone who is wondering if he made the right choice coming out or whether he should have stayed closeted? I don't know if I've got that right but if that is what you are saying then think about the alternative that you didn't choose. You didn't choose to suppress your sexuality... you didn't choose to grow up repressed and unexperienced with women... you didn't choose to pretend to like thin women and go on to lead a false life... 

sure... some of your life might have been easier if you were a sexually repressed, socially awkward fake... but hey... ultimately I'm gonna wager that deep down you know that the pay off was probably worth it?!


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## tonynyc (Aug 5, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> Years ago, early in my FA dom, I used to run the Atlantic City boardwalk. I had a favorite t-shirt that I used to wear that said "I'll take the fat one". As I have moved along in my journey, increasing in my conviction & confidence in my preference, my t-shirt would say "I want the fat one", a clear shift in perception.




That must have been a great tee shirt Phil. It speaks volumes. I think for me -early in my FA dom- folks could not ever see me with a thin woman. I think my face just glowed with FA dom 

*BigFinchDog* Great post and welcome to the Boards. Good for you. It's always best to come out and be true to yourself - you will be a happier person in the long run.


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## stan_der_man (Aug 6, 2009)

Again, another resounding *YES* as an answer to your question BigFinchdog. It is worth it to be open about being a FA. In the long run being "out" as a FA is the only way to go. Not only for yourself, but for the fat women you desire and associate with and for the people around you... including your family, friends and co-workers.

It's as simple as that.

You may loose some friends along the way, you may (as you claim) have problems with it at your place of work... But who's happiness is this all about anyway...? Your friends? Your family? Your co-workers? Your happiness and the happiness of the BBW / SSBBW in your life is what is most important in the long run, or at least it should be.


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## BigFinchdog (Aug 6, 2009)

I appreciate the responses I have gotten in this thread very much. I suppose I came off as having less self-esteem than I really do (Im sure that comes off as a load of shit) but on the flipside I think my lack of inhibition in approaching women is probably a subconscious reaction to being defensive about what I like. At the end of the day Im too stubborn to let "society" stop me from doing what I want to do but that still doesnt stop me from sometimes wishing that I liked what "everyone else" likes.


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## katorade (Aug 6, 2009)

BigFinchdog said:


> J
> So why should I "tone it down" because Im worried about making somebody ignorant and close-minded uncomfortable?



I'm not talking about people that disagree with your preference. I was referring to people that may take offense to ANYONE talking about anything remotely sexual, romantic, or relating to privacy, especially if the person talking about it is on a need-to-know basis. Some people are just far more private about life details, which is something that is often forgotten.

Think about it in a completely different scenario. Sheila is totally cool with verbalizing information about her body and her femininity. She figures it's totally natural and happens to everyone, and it's common knowledge, so it won't be a problem discussing it, especially with other women. 
Nicole is a very private person and likes to keep to herself. She doesn't volunteer information easily and even discussing bodily functions with her doctor makes her blush. 
Sheila approaches Nicole knowing they're friendly acquaintances and makes a remark that she's on her period and cramping like a mo-fo, that her flow's so heavy she's debating building a levee, and wants to know if Nicole has any super absorbency tampons. Nicole looks horrified, but manages to apologize and say no, and Sheila walks away in search of another person to ask.
I've seen that scenario hundreds of times, and it's wholly inappropriate in any setting involving people that you work with, go to school with, anywhere people may be friendly acquaintances, but not your tight-knit best buds. And if you can't tell your tight-knit best buds without them freaking out, then they're not as tight-knit as you thought.


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## Durin (Aug 6, 2009)

Accept your inner weirdness


Take a break, definatly don't date anyone until you get this sorted out in your head. You don't want to break anyone's heart because you are still getting your stuff together. I don't think most people will care. This conflict sounds like it's mostly in your head. 

Stand up for what you like. I always consider myself the sane person in an insane world


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## Heading_for_the_Light (Aug 7, 2009)

Dunno how much help I can give, but my own perspective has always been simply to act as though what I was doing was no different from others. I don't think I've ever "come out of the closet" in the sense of, you know, openly broadcasting it to the world. That's just something I don't feel like I need to do; anyone wanting to figure out my preferences can just look at who I've dated and draw their conclusions from there.

Then again, I might be in a different situation, as I've always been rather thick-skinned when it came to teasing and such. However, I don't think anyone ever got on my back for my apparent attraction to fat girls, was generally other reasons, and my parents have never much gotten on my back about it.

To quote a bit of Bruce Lee, it's a matter of being as water. letting things go as they will, path of least resistance and such. Don't hide it, but don't openly broadcast it; don't be ashamed of it, but don't make it people's business that want to cause you trouble anyway.


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## KHayes666 (Aug 7, 2009)

I took some flack for admitting I like the bigger girls, I'm sure all F/A's have at one point or another.

Everytime I'm with my high school buddies, everytime a big girl walks by they either nudge me or just say outloud "Hayes special!" Even my own mother calls me Miles based on the F/A from the movie Summer Catch. However my father is the most noutorious fat hater I've ever known, but even he is playful about it with me.

But the thing is, my friends and family are being playful, you seem to have a lot of out and out hatred thrown your way based on your posts. I should ask YOU a question.

Are you willing to stand up to friends, family and co-workers for what you believe in, if so then you're out of the closet so to speak.


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## mediaboy (Aug 8, 2009)

Worth it? Fuck Yeah!

Seriously, yeah.

Besides, being out as an FA is hilarious.

Remember that a lot of people don't know what the fuck to think when you say something like "I like to have sex with fat chicks, exclusively.".

So when you say it, I recommend you say it as upbeat and jokingly as possible but then back it up with a "for reals" here and there and maybe a "damn girl" with an accompanied "dat ass" face. (google that shit)

The point is, people are dumb and will follow you in their opinion of what ever so when you say "I like fatties" say it with a smile and an erection and I'm sure your friends will see it as a perfectly natural and healthy thing; you know, like sucking toes.


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## The Orange Mage (Aug 8, 2009)

mediaboy said:


> "dat ass" face. (google that shit)


No need to google, because it's right this way-----\
...................................................................|
<-----------------------------------------------/


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## mediaboy (Aug 8, 2009)

The Orange Mage said:


> No need to google, because it's right this way-----\
> ...................................................................|
> <-----------------------------------------------/



thanks, dude


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## roddles (Aug 8, 2009)

Yeah I know how you feel mate. My parents are the same. (Or were, as I only have one parent now) But my mum doesn't like the girls i date. I stopped bring dates home cos i got sick of the negative comments. In year 10, I fancied the biggest chick in the school. She was so hot and years later I ended up with her for a while. Anyway she was the target of bullying and so was I for being her friend. Also for me at work my boss and his family are the biggest fat haters i have ever met and are often having a heated discussion about the latest fat person they saw, as if, "how dare they be fat?" Once my bosses wife asked me upon finding out I had a new girlfriend, Is she a heffer too? And I just said "your idea of a heffer and mine are very different" I have never had any more trouble. You see, it is not necessary to TELL every one you like fat girls, because it is obvious, and they can see for themselves. Thats the way I prefer it to be. If they ask I will say something witty to get them off. But some of my mates dont talk to me anymore. I find now I cant get on with any guys my age, and I prefer the company of girls anyway, big or small. So i guess I am only half out of the closet too because I don't tell every one. I have my fare share of grievances about being an FA as well. Maybe one day I will be as comfortable with who I am as I would like. It would help if there were more like minded people around though and not just stuck on the other side of this bloody computer screen (despite desperate attempts to shake them out) Anyway just my 2 cents on this


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## CherryRVA (Aug 10, 2009)

I was not that open about my preferences over the years. I never said it to guys I dated, never said it to people I worked with. I really only "came out of the closet" about it while I was with my ex-boyfriend. Funny how even though I come from a family of mostly thick or big people, I was worried about that, but at 450lbs when I first met the ex, there's no denying my preferences.

Most people's reaction was not "eww, he's fat...", it was more like "Ewww...he's an arrogant a-hole". And to that end, they were right, he was an arrogant a-hole. Am glad he's out of my life. One thing that always tweaked me was how he hated that I like fat guys, how I liked to come here and post on Dims. He was creeped out by Dims. Said "That site is nasty and all it does is glorify obesity, which is just sick." And then would tell me I'm crazy for being attracted to fat guys.

Do you have any idea how much of a toll that takes on a person? OMG, it was horrible. And I started seeing him as being gross, quite simply because of his own self-deprecating crap. I kept going on Dims....and thinking to myself "When will I ever find my happy fat man?"

The ex and I broke up in May this year. Well, a little bit ago, I put up a profile on an online dating site. And this time, I was completely "out" about the fact I preferred guys close to 6ft tall and at LEAST 200lbs....and I found one. I wrote to him first, just only to tell him he was handsome and to have a nice day.

We ended up going out two days later. And have spent every moment together since. He said he did not quite understand the attraction. He almost seemed mystified when I told him about my preference for big guys. He said "Oh, ok, the whole I'm big and can protect you thing..." And I had to correct him and let him know, hey, it's actually this....I love fat guys. I had to explain what an FFA is. And that I am one. And that there's alot of us out there. Hell, I even told him about Dims. I told him everything...for some reason, I didn't feel like he'd hold it against me like the ex did. And thank god, cuz he seemed like a naturally happy, self confident fat man, even before I explained my preference for it. And he is running with it....he is totally happy with me, with my preference...and that I'm not out to change him, I ain't getting with him out of pity or just because I like his personality. He's ecstatic that I think he's hot the way he is. 

The really funny thing is....his bro is an FA (although I don't think he's ever been to Dims or knows the lingo we use) and is married to a BBW. They all share an apartment not far from my house. You should have seen the look of shock on her face the other night when she told me that she had lost a bunch of weight in the past few years and that "well, my hubby is kinda sad cuz he said he liked it alot when I was bigger." I giggled and told her..."Ummm....You do understand I'm a female version of your husband right? I think that man (talking about my guy) is friggin balls-to-the-wall HOTTTTTT!" Her jaw just hung open for a second and then she smiled.

The thing is....it's almost like FA heaven to hang out with them. All about being positive, laughin, enjoyin life, bein happy....I don't hear any self deprecating BS crap about going on diets and such. I hear the word fat thrown about so casually, i almost can't believe it. Like the roomie sayin "You wanna get your guy to smoke....get a pack of Marlboro Smooth's...those are fat man friendly cigarettes, they taste like peppermint patties..." sure enough, my guy comes out on the porch and when asked sez "Oh Yeah, I'd smoke those...fat man friendly smokes, they taste like Peppermint Patties..." I almost died laughing....LOL. 

So yeah....was it worth it to me about being open about my preferences? Hell yes....cause it helped me find the person I was always looking for. And isn't that what really matters?:bow:


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## Esther (Aug 10, 2009)

It really pisses me off that it is so much more socially acceptable for a slim woman to date a fat man than it is for a slim man to date a fat woman. I have never understood that double standard.


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## Blockierer (Aug 10, 2009)

CherryRVA said:


> .
> So yeah....was it worth it to me about being open about my preferences? Hell yes....cause it helped me find the person I was always looking for. And isn't that what really matters?:bow:



Great post  I really enjoyed the story.


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## Tad (Aug 10, 2009)

To the OP, I think maybe in your situation it might be worth abandoning the in-the-closet vs. out-of-the-closet way of looking at the situation. Sometimes a simple black and white view is great, but when dealing with groups of people of all different views I think that usually it isnt.

For example, if you are working in a kitchen and have to answer about who you are attracted to, maybe an answer more along the lines of A woman who looks like shed enjoy <name a tasty, filling, dish that your place serves>. Of course theyll want to know more of what you mean, so you say You know, a woman who is soft and curvy, someone who can warm up the bed on a cold night. Theyll say something like You mean a fat girl and you just shrug and say If thats what you want to call em, sure why not. Then you dont talk about it much more, just keep saying something along the lines of I already told you what I like or else start giving silly additions Oh yah, and she should be a millionaire and want to move me into her mansion with a kick-ass DJ set up so we can hold amazing parties when we arent lounging around the pool. Or something like that.

What youve done there is put everything in at least vaguely positive light, you like a woman who will eat a good meal, who has physical features that at least most guys can appreciate, who isnt cold. To bash those traits is kind of hard. Then youve only sort of accepted their label, so if they try to bash you about that, you just respond Like I said, I like a woman who isnt afraid of food or What, you dont like a nice juicy butt? Your loss man. Basically you keep the discussion on your own terms. And if you are lucky theyll get diverted and start ragging on you because youd let a rich woman support you.

Will some still get freaked out by you being different? Probably. But by keeping the discussion in the grey zone, I think you help limit the freak out factor.

Oh, and I think that line of You feel like a teddy-bear was just awesome, and way better than I would have managed in grade five! Too bad kids can be such cruel pricks and decided to dog-pile you over it. Also sucks that the girl took the easy route and joined in, when obviously she originally thought you were interesting.


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## rollhandler (Aug 10, 2009)

BigFinchdog said:


> I appreciate the responses I have gotten in this thread very much. I suppose I came off as having less self-esteem than I really do (Im sure that comes off as a load of shit) but on the flipside I think my lack of inhibition in approaching women is probably a subconscious reaction to being defensive about what I like. At the end of the day Im too stubborn to let "society" stop me from doing what I want to do but that still doesnt stop me from sometimes wishing that I liked what "everyone else" likes.



Good! The question that has run through my mind as I read the posts in this thread has been How can you hide your preference if you have a BBW on your arm in public. You will get the same amount of crap from people as simply stating that your preference is big women. So if you plan to date them and possibly marry one, you will need to be open to the experience of the FA and that comes with some bad as well as a lot of good. My best advice to you is just not to treat your preference as a big deal but more like just another part of who you are. You dont have to hide who you are but at the same time there is no rule that says you have to offer or widely advertize your FA status to anyone. Answer honestly if asked but you dont have to introduce yourself as "HI, my name is _________ and I like fat girls." either.

As for myself? I am an out and very open FA and wear my tatoos and T-shirts proudly proclaiming my status. The responses I generally get from work and around in public are usually those of honest interest and a few jokes. The jokes I get I treat as beneath notice, and the honest questions I answer honestly. I am known in many places as "the guy that likes fat girls" and for the most part I just agree and move on. I have lost a job due to my preference but another job was just around the corner. Being open about my preference doesn't mean shouting from the rooftops but has yielded more good than bad. 
Rollhandler


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## KHayes666 (Aug 11, 2009)

Esther said:


> It really pisses me off that it is so much more socially acceptable for a slim woman to date a fat man than it is for a slim man to date a fat woman. I have never understood that double standard.



Socially, fat men and thin women have been on television for 50 years. The Honeymooners, All in the Family, King of Queens, Married With Children, Family Matters and on and on......for some reason the media is gospel in the social world. Because its ok in the media to have a tv show of a fat man with a thin wife, then in real life its ok too.

However in the community I find its the complete opposite. I see very thin men with very fat women all the time around here.


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## bmann0413 (Aug 11, 2009)

Dude, take it from someone who was ridiculed and shunned since the 3rd grade. What matters only is what YOU think. People made fun of me all the time (and they still do, and I'm 20!), but I never leat that get me down. I've told some of my closest friends that I'm a FA. Two of them don't talk to me anymore because of it. Doesn't faze me, though, because if they couldn't accept that, then they were true friends.

I accidentally let it slip to some folks at work. The guys were like "WTF?" and the women were like "You like what you like." In fact, there's a repeat customer who's a SSBBW who I actually asked out once (didn't turn out too good, because she was older than I was, lol), and one of my co-workers, a BBW herself, told me that she was happy to see someone showing some love to the big girls, instead of ridiculing them.

I say, let that FA flag fly high, dude. And let it fly with overwhelming pride! Shout it to the world! And shun the haters, dude!


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## wrench13 (Aug 11, 2009)

Gahhhh - so much introspection... drowning in it. The whole out of the closet thing.
Look, if you like fat girls, date them. Believe me, all will know you like them, it's not like you can hide the girl. Peope who need the approval of others to become satisfied with themselves make me sick! Its your life, folks, and it's short; and time is running out as we read.


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## mergirl (Aug 11, 2009)

BigFinchdog said:


> A lot of times I feel the way a non-racist white person might have felt during the civil rights movement. If I speak up Im at the very least risking getting labeled as a weirdo and at worst I might lose an acquaintance or friend.



See, i have a problem with this. If no one ever spoke up then things would just stay the same. I feel this about 'comming out' about any type of sexuality, friendship or way of thinking. There might be places where it would not be a good idea to 'come out' -I think living to fight another day is always good. I just dont think it is good enough to leave it to others to do all the fighting though.


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## The Fez (Aug 11, 2009)

Esther said:


> It really pisses me off that it is so much more socially acceptable for a slim woman to date a fat man than it is for a slim man to date a fat woman. I have never understood that double standard.



I would guess it's because women are glamourised more in mainstream media than men, unless this is just my own perception of it.


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## tonynyc (Aug 11, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Socially, fat men and thin women have been on television for 50 years. The Honeymooners, All in the Family, King of Queens, Married With Children, Family Matters and on and on......for some reason the media is gospel in the social world. Because its ok in the media to have a tv show of a fat man with a thin wife, then in real life its ok too.
> 
> However in the community I find its the complete opposite. I see very thin men with very fat women all the time around here.




So true - the only other time you see a thin man with a fat woman is on a talk show.


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## BigFinchdog (Aug 11, 2009)

wrench13 said:


> Gahhhh - so much introspection... drowning in it. The whole out of the closet thing.
> Look, if you like fat girls, date them. Believe me, all will know you like them, it's not like you can hide the girl. Peope who need the approval of others to become satisfied with themselves make me sick! Its your life, folks, and it's short; and time is running out as we read.



Its not so much that I need the approval of others, it just gets old when others always want to bring up your preferences like you're required to talk about them. I have plenty of interests that strike people as weird or esoteric that I end up explaining all the time and it gets tiring.


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## BigFinchdog (Aug 11, 2009)

mergirl said:


> See, i have a problem with this. If no one ever spoke up then things would just stay the same. I feel this about 'comming out' about any type of sexuality, friendship or way of thinking. There might be places where it would not be a good idea to 'come out' -I think living to fight another day is always good. I just dont think it is good enough to leave it to others to do all the fighting though.



It's ironic because Im very quick to defend someone who is getting dog-piled on because it reminds me of getting bullied in school and I refuse to tolerate that happening to someone I like. When Im the one getting put on blast Im a lot more likely to just bend over and take it because bullies thrive off of reactions and the best way to defuse situations like that is to give extremely boring and bland responses.


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## Gendo Ikari (Aug 12, 2009)

I never saw it as a problem.

My friends know about it, when I was in high school everyone knew the women I flirted or dated with were larger.

It wasn't a big deal.

I don't know, maybe it's a generation thing, but with the youth of today so well informed about sex, it's like, "whatever, dude".


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