# A frank discussion



## collared Princess (Jun 29, 2020)

I’m hoping that I can get everyone’s thoughts and opinions on what I want to say..I have come to the valley of decision in my life.. I have been very large all my life… I have not wanted to lose weight because of some emotional issues that have happened to me in the past and because of being afraid of being thin.. I have been very happy to be around proud and fat people.. I think that being fat is very sexy and I like being original… I have been unlucky in love when it comes to being fat… Everyone seems to enjoy me as a fantasy but in reality you’re not so quick to want to be with me… So, I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis bulging desks herniated disc on top of my fibromyalgia, And both knees being bone and bone… The doctor say that they won’t operate on my back Until I’m around 200 pounds… I’m 480 5’4 and 52 years old ..I struggle every day in my living to get around to take a shower to walk to do the basic things in life… Because of my back issues it has caused sciatica and the sciatica has caused nerve damage in my thighs which make my legs weak.. I wouldn’t mind this if I had somebody that would be there to take care of me and to help me… But it just doesn’t work out that way and I’m just slowly losing every bit of myself and now I’m faced with having to have bypass surgery… This really is the last thing that I wanted… But it seems like things are just getting worse and worse I need more and more care and it’s just not there… So could you guys tell me what you think?


----------



## BigElectricKat (Jun 29, 2020)

I think the bottom line is that you have to do what's best for you. Everyone having advice or an opinion is great and all, but when it comes to your health, your life, and well being, you have to do what's best for you. I completely understand some of the troubles you encountered. I find that as I've aged, more and more physical issues crop up. While I can only imagine the pain you endure each day, I do believe that if you can find a way to alleviate some pains, your quality of life may be better. I truly wish you all the best because I know that living in pain feels like no life at all.


----------



## OneFAsView (Jun 29, 2020)

My wife was at similar age, height, and about 200 lbs less than you when she was determined to be in a pre-diabetic condition. She opted for WLS, took to daily exercise, and now lost about 100 pounds. She is no longer in any danger zone health wise, she has stopped using her CPAP, and is much more comfortable in getting around.

I understand the reluctance, and self-image issue. And the selfish part of me misses her larger size, as that's no doubt going through your mind. But passing age 50, if a longer and more comfortable life is what matters to you (as I assume it does), the right answer is pretty obvious.


----------



## Tad (Jun 29, 2020)

Pretty much what the posters before me said. If I were in you shoes I'd probably opt for surgery in hopes to have more freedom to enjoy my life, but I'd be super stressed in making that decision and would really tally up the pros and cons and think-abouts first. All surgeries are risky, so for sure make certain you are comfortable with it all.


----------



## Orchid (Jun 30, 2020)

I never had WLS . I never even consider ever having it. Have had surgeries many other things and had complications with several. The get a glimpse into a WLS group like I tell my experience of it post # 7 only confirm my thinking. For those that consider it, suggest get a lot of information, ask a lot of questions and watch the videos experiences of other people. Fat Doctor Youtube videos try to see those.
There are Caregiving forums where one can ask questions get tips.
Like mentioned in many of the vids there is a lot of emotional eating.
If that is the cause one has to first get some help with that.
Youtube Psych2Go many videos about things that start in childhood.
The School of Life Youtube also has good vids.


----------



## landshark (Jun 30, 2020)

@collared Princess ypu just have to go with what you believe is best for you. If the satisfaction of being who you are, that if your identity in part is connected to your weight (which is really attractive to me, BTW), if that outweighs the difficulty of your health challenges then stay fat. But if finding the right person for you who is willing and able to assist you with some of the basics is that big an issue, you will have to also weigh that carefully.

This isn’t much of an answer, I acknowledge. But maybe it will help you categorize and sort the pros and cons of both decisions.

I wish the best for you. Please keep this group posted to the greatest extent you are comfortable because I think you’ll find we are here for you to the greatest extent we can be.


----------



## Orchid (Jun 30, 2020)

A very honest explicit set of videos is on Youtube is from UK and is about bariatric surgeon Mr Shaw Somers. He is very honest about WLS . Series Fat Doctor went looking just now the Johnson sisters from 2013 watched half hour.!!!!!=== Just talk at time 2:43 - 3:19 then reunion former patients until time 4:30.===!!!!!
Videos contains very explicit surgery scenes and british talk about their lives, eating etc is interesting to watch, also watch some my 600 lbs life vids years ago.

Fat Doctor is many videos some are more bigger etc each case bit different
from the think 9 seen one was of demised guy sad story he wanted very much go to beach near his house after wls.




Today on a yahoo news article of a wls success story I went read comments there many mention the side effects, risks etc.
. My first cardiologist say anaesthesia is danger with heart lung etc . I have OA artritis started early 40s now allover.
At one time in my 40s I am now 60 he send me to hospital for mild exercise instead of the elderly 80s 90s CHF group was put with the post surgery WLS group ages 20s 30s . I noticed their talks like having hard time, still want to eat snacks....the exercise they were not motivated much....they find it strange i had much less to do and that i sit down like every 7 minutes while they get told move, run, jump, run etc....... I can walk but not much or long. I do my own housekeeping , my own personal things, water pot plants no gardening.Fell downstairs fell in the garden. Padding has its uses.GP amazed i broke 0 bones.
S.O. very busy work and when he have time is like mow grass, do outside windows, put waste bin street side..........he gets my RX meds every 3 months. He drive me to the dr appt but not many because is not often. He do the grocery shopping once a week. I have no caregiver nor do I want one. The day is long so keep busy small chores spread over morning than nap afternoon one or 2 hobby some Youtube vids some internet. Nap before cooking the dinner, Visit forums during my many sit and rest etc.
My mayor weight loss was from unable to eat months and in hospital they remove water 25 lbs with med IV. From early teens to end 30s calorie counting lost some gained, gained more, went to gym but stopped after some time. My ill list is longer with other things but on forums only mention the main 3.
My 2nd cardiologist last visit start again about weight loss. My cardiac meds cause weight gain they slow metabolism. My GP tells me with my CHF PH and OA is impossible to exercise. The water retention makes one unable to eat much so is small meals. I post my dinner breakfast lunch. I eat from bowl or breakfast plate. I used to miss hotel foods from my travels, missed other foods. I still eat watch my nutrition.


----------



## extra_m13 (Jun 30, 2020)

i think this call for being blunt and serious. to leave all fantasies aside and be serious. i am not sure when is wls advisable but it does seems to me that some action must be taken. i thank you for the openness and frankness with which you discuss those issues and i think more should be said about being an ssbbw for a long time. there may be some drawbacks and weight does means a heavy toll on the joints and well at this point i do not think that should override some very pressing issues no matter how hot it is, unless of course, everyone is aware of that could be coming.


----------



## Sonic Purity (Jul 1, 2020)

collared Princess said:


> I’m hoping that I can get everyone’s thoughts and opinions on what I want to say..I have come to the valley of decision in my life.. I have been very large all my life… I have not wanted to lose weight because of some emotional issues that have happened to me in the past and because of being afraid of being thin.. I have been very happy to be around proud and fat people.. I think that being fat is very sexy and I like being original… I have been unlucky in love when it comes to being fat… Everyone seems to enjoy me as a fantasy but in reality you’re not so quick to want to be with me…



This, esp. those last 2 sentences, may be worthy of a whole separate discussion. But maybe not now, and definitely not here in this thread, with pressing un-health issues in the forefront.



collared Princess said:


> So, I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis bulging desks herniated disc on top of my fibromyalgia, And both knees being bone and bone… The doctor say that they won’t operate on my back Until I’m around 200 pounds… I’m 480 5’4 and 52 years old ..I struggle every day in my living to get around to take a shower to walk to do the basic things in life… Because of my back issues it has caused sciatica and the sciatica has caused nerve damage in my thighs which make my legs weak.. I wouldn’t mind this if I had somebody that would be there to take care of me and to help me… But it just doesn’t work out that way and I’m just slowly losing every bit of myself and now I’m faced with having to have bypass surgery… This really is the last thing that I wanted… But it seems like things are just getting worse and worse I need more and more care and it’s just not there… So could you guys tell me what you think?



Everyone reading this needs to understand my biases, based upon my life experiences. Traditional orthodox “western” medicine has undeniably saved my life multiple times, in some aspects improving it. In other ways it has utterly destroyed many major aspects of quality in my life, leaving me to fend for myself and repeatedly reinvent myself. I am biased in favor of holistic and “alternative” healing, yet being honest those too have equally let me down, more by failure to achieve meaningful improvement than the permanent damage from orthodox medicine.

@collared Princess, have you looked into whether there’s a physical surgical imperative to that 200 pound weight parameter, or whether it’s arbitrary because they have no experience working on fatter people (fat ignorance, anti-fat bias)?

Reason i ask relates to a situation of mine. I have Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Originally diagnosed near the end of the 1990s before IBD, Crohn’s Disease, and Ulcerative Colitis became more commonly known. Back then they told me things that intuitively my entire body was shouting WRONNNG!, such as “There is no connection between stress or other emotional states and Crohn’s Disease”, and “Diet doesn’t matter”. That’s what the science said then. Since that time, both of those have been proven Entirely Wrong, finally by the science.

Point for you (and everyone reading this) is: Listen To Your Body.

Yes, it can be very frustrating, akin to hearing an infant bawling its head off and knowing that it needs _something_, but not exactly what it needs.

About a decade ago, i reached an impasse vaguely similar to yours in the sense of being a major life decision, otherwise different. Mine absolutely involved major pain, and a choice of surgery or not. In my case, i was told by the surgeon that there was no way he’d even consider the surgery until i went on the standard treatment drugs which suppress the immune system—because that’s how everyone with IBD is handled in orthodox medicine (or at least was, in 2010). Every cell in my body was screaming at me Do NOT Suppress The Immune System! The drugs (there were at least 2 of them) had side effects including *tuberculosis! Tuberculosis as a side effect!* That’s apart from them costing US$1000+ a month—well outside my budget.

Dead end with orthodox medicine, because i refused to suppress my immune system and accept side effects which are on their own considered major dire disease conditions. At the same time received a dead end with every other healing modality i could find, including an infamous shoulder shrug from my integrative medicine M.D./acupuncturist/etc. primary care physician, indicating that he had nothing left that we hadn’t already pursued.

No One was there for me. (Tell me again about this awesome social safety net we have?) Figuring i had very few years left, and already long-term unemployed and not on any social benefits arrangement (money dwindling), i turned away from the world. As an anti-suicide measure, i began writing fictional fatlovesex stories, and that became its whole own thing, irrelevant here.

I dealt with the severe digestive pain (abdominal cramping, which mothers who have this disease often say is more painful than unmedicated childbirth) via radically altering my diet, then through today. This has proven roughly as effective as the drugs and not as effective as a good surgery would have been. Many mis-steps along the way. Took until 2016 to find useful information from someone with the disease and medical background who wrote a book which helped a great deal but did not 100% resolve everything.

Important: the problems i’ve been having from the mid-2000s to the present mostly result from a series of life-saving surgeries in 2003, when my small intestine started leaking into my body cavity (a fistula), nearly killing me. About 14 cm of my small intestine was removed. Profound complications, including scar tissue that is apparently unavoidable with this sort of surgery, and is very much related to my issues since that time.

What i had is NOT WLS, though it’s similar. I did not need it for body weight regulation. The deficit in nutrient absorption plus the scar tissue restrictions make every day a struggle to get enough nutrition into me without setting off a cramping event. I have read of some people who’ve had WLS who have had similar issues with sudden and long-term or permanent limitations on what they can and cannot eat.

Turning away from me to two BBW i’ve known, who have had WLS. One was mid-sized, i’m guessing in the mid to high 200s of pounds at medium height. When she told me about her WLS during a one-off phone call some years after i’d known her and i inquired about it, she said it was “the best thing I’ve ever done”. We didn’t get into whether there were any food intake issues or other issues. She reported that she was still fat, just less so.

The other, a psychotherapist of mine, had WLS for a combination of medical reasons + not wanting to be so fat. She reported issues with certain foods, details of which i don’t recall, and having to take certain medicines or supplements to properly digest certain foods. This same was true for her mother (including the WLS), so there may have been some genetic factors as well. Her procedure was long before i started working with her. She was still deliciously thigh-thick enough that i had some trouble working with her, because i wanted to date her and cuddle with her. Despite some personal complications for her and her mother, she felt positive enough about whichever specific procedure she had that one of her specialties was/is counseling prospective WLS candidates.

Just remembered another case. This was a coworker of my housemate/ex. I didn’t know him well. From what i remember, he was in the large BHM/small SSBHM range. She told me some years ago around the time they worked together that he underwent WLS. It was successful, but she reported he was miserable in terms of the food restrictions, and that if he’d had a way of knowing beforehand how it would work out, he would have not done it and sought other alternatives. I do not know whether he had WLS for medical reasons or what the motivation was.

Then there’s my housemate/ex. She peaked around 260-265 pounds at about 5'8". Metabolic syndrome/pre-diabetes arising dictated need for a change. We were lovers then, i’m an FA to be sure, so it wasn’t fun helping her do things which led to fat loss, but it was necessary and *health trumps*. The goal was never anything about fat or weight, rather health, and letting the fat do what it would. Having had to learn waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too many health things for my own survival, we leveraged off my information sources for nutritional supplements and lifestyle changes, in her case aimed at addressing metabolic syndrome. This started well over a decade ago. The results have been satisfactory, and commensurate to the degree she’s been willing to follow the recommendations: symptoms of metabolic disease significantly receded. She lost weight but is still small BBW fat (guessing low 200s; don’t know). She’s more comfortable with orthodox medicine, so she does a combination of their drugs and nutritional supplements/healthy eating/lifestyle stuff. (I think the pharmaceuticals are mostly doing her more harm than good, but it’s her body and none of my business. One of them probably is helping more than hurting.)

(continues…)


----------



## Sonic Purity (Jul 1, 2020)

Many of us with difficult un-health situations find that we have to become our own experts: take matters into our own hands. Do our own ruthless open-minded research into _all_ the options we can find, listening to our body as well as our mind to struggle to figure out our own path.

Bypass surgery may be your best option… or it may largely ruin what remains of your quality of life. The devastating part of this is No One Knows For Sure. Some of my surgeries were so urgent, there was no choice: i had to have them Right That Moment or very, very quickly die… and many’s the time i wish i had died, given what i’ve had to deal with in the aftermath. From what you’ve written you are clearly suffering and clearly need to take action—now, or soon. All the experts (your doctors etc.) and opinions (here) in the world can give you more things to consider—asking your mind and body what they think—but You are the only one making the decisions.

I believe there’s a lot you can do which may very well reverse at least some if not all of the issues about which you’ve written, and may not require surgery or might make less invasive options possible. Though i’ve no personal experience with it, i’ve even read about techniques to inject synovial fluid or something amenable to the body into joints which have worn down to bone-on-bone (ouch! ouch! ouch!) rather than requiring joint replacement surgery, as one example. I humbly suggest that if you focus totally on all the options for resolving your various un-health issues without focusing on weight and let weight/fat do what it will, you’ll likely come out in an optimal place.

(There’s a lot more i could write, likely more appropriate for private messages. Whether you want to get into that or have someone else with whom to discuss any of these sorts of topics you’ve raised who’s part of the fatlovesex community and who has no agenda for what you should or should not do/be/believe, you know where to find me.)


----------



## Rob hudson (Jul 2, 2020)

I believe that the western medical industrial complex is about one thing: profit. They might have a few things which will benefit you, but ultimately, it is not in the industry's best interest to have healthy citizenry. What would happen to them, if everyone was suddenly healthy?

The medical/pharmaceutical industry, at the last time I checked, was an eight, hundred, billion! dollar! industry. That's just massive. Massive.

I understand not wanting to live with pain. I had a friend, who is now deceased. She was in the mid 400s, with bad spinal pain and sciatica, and she was on oxygen. She lost almost 150 pounds but guess what? The spinal issues and sciatica were still there, and she still needed oxygen. Most of it came from an automobile accident, granted, but losing a bunch of weight did not help her suddenly walk or breathe better. Could this be because the weight caused further degeneration due to greater stresses on the joints? Possibly; it's hard to say, because she died from a secondary infection in her lungs. She was only fifty-five when she died.

The weight loss surgery is not a risk free endeavor by any means. It will most likely introduce further complications to the OP's life, and it likely will not be a magic cure for the pain issues she talked about. Ultimately, the only ones benefiting will be the doctor's and drug companies. They'll prescribe drugs to treat the after-effects of the surgeries, and drugs to treat the side effects of the first drugs. I have seen the cycle. Do I think WLS is always ill-advised? No. But I think it's too often tossed about as a magic cure when, in fact, it is only another problem.

Before anyone starts hurling accusations of me being a conspiracy theorist, I will hasten to add that I do not believe doctors to be evil agents of the corporate money minds. On the contrary. Many of them sincerely believe what they are doing is for the good of the patient. They have been indoctrinated that we have the magic pill or magic procedure to fix this or that, and don't know any other way. So I would concur with the poster before me. Investigate all alternatives before going under the knife and doing something irrevocable.


----------



## LarryTheNoodleGuy (Jul 2, 2020)

Very tough decisions, but ones that can't wait. You don't mention physical pain - I imagine there is a lot of it. You sound like you're at the end of a long rope - that must be difficult to deal with. 

Do you have a support system such as a local mental health facility, someone you trust to hold your hand and talk you through your decision-making? Do you have medical insurance and will it cover whatever treatment you decide to apply? 

One thing that might help is settting a deadline, like "By August 1st, I'll have made my decision and will proceed to the next hurdle, whatever that may be." Then stick to that.

Ask your daughter, too, how she thinks you should proceed. Read the responses here. Sleep on it, consider everything. 

And don't forget to pray on it, if you do that sort of thing. Let this be a gentle thing somehow, a new phase. We are not children anymore and must make plans or the plans will be made for us. 

Warm regards and hope-this-helps - 

L


----------



## collared Princess (Jul 3, 2020)

Orchid said:


> A very honest explicit set of videos is on Youtube is from UK and is about bariatric surgeon Mr Shaw Somers. He is very honest about WLS . Series Fat Doctor went looking just now the Johnson sisters from 2013 watched half hour.!!!!!=== Just talk at time 2:43 - 3:19 then reunion former patients until time 4:30.===!!!!!
> Videos contains very explicit surgery scenes and british talk about their lives, eating etc is interesting to watch, also watch some my 600 lbs life vids years ago.
> 
> Fat Doctor is many videos some are more bigger etc each case bit different
> ...



I was on super size vs super skinny and right now 600 pound life, wants me be on their show..the sent me a messenger!


----------



## Rob hudson (Jul 3, 2020)

collared Princess said:


> I was on super size vs super skinny and right now 600 pound life, wants me be on their show..the sent me a messenger!



How did they find you?


----------



## Broseph (Jul 3, 2020)

This sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I don't have any experience there, but just wanted to say I hear you and support you taking the time to do what's best for you, whatever that turns out to be. Sounds like you're on the right track if you're seeking guidance from others with experience. I wish you all the best


----------



## LarryTheNoodleGuy (Jul 23, 2020)

collared Princess said:


> I was on super size vs super skinny and right now 600 pound life, wants me be on their show..the sent me a messenger!


Did the messenger arrive on a bicycle?

JK all seriousness, since you're in and out of the public eye for many years and you say you have no one to see to your needs, might be a good thing to go on the show and see if you can get them to pay for the whole thing, and live the life you want afterwards. There is no reason to go around in pain if you don't have to, and maybe you'll get a nice check, too. You need an agent to negotiate those things, if you don't have one already. Best of luck, please let us know how it goes.


----------



## bdiazz (Aug 16, 2020)

collared Princess said:


> I’m hoping that I can get everyone’s thoughts and opinions on what I want to say..I have come to the valley of decision in my life.. I have been very large all my life… I have not wanted to lose weight because of some emotional issues that have happened to me in the past and because of being afraid of being thin.. I have been very happy to be around proud and fat people.. I think that being fat is very sexy and I like being original… I have been unlucky in love when it comes to being fat… Everyone seems to enjoy me as a fantasy but in reality you’re not so quick to want to be with me… So, I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis bulging desks herniated disc on top of my fibromyalgia, And both knees being bone and bone… The doctor say that they won’t operate on my back Until I’m around 200 pounds… I’m 480 5’4 and 52 years old ..I struggle every day in my living to get around to take a shower to walk to do the basic things in life… Because of my back issues it has caused sciatica and the sciatica has caused nerve damage in my thighs which make my legs weak.. I wouldn’t mind this if I had somebody that would be there to take care of me and to help me… But it just doesn’t work out that way and I’m just slowly losing every bit of myself and now I’m faced with having to have bypass surgery… This really is the last thing that I wanted… But it seems like things are just getting worse and worse I need more and more care and it’s just not there… So could you guys tell me what you think?


As long as you gorgeous for me in your adorable weight, no, you do not have to do all that. Seeing her happy is the most important DIAZZ 


collared Princess said:


> I’m hoping that I can get everyone’s thoughts and opinions on what I want to say..I have come to the valley of decision in my life.. I have been very large all my life… I have not wanted to lose weight because of some emotional issues that have happened to me in the past and because of being afraid of being thin.. I have been very happy to be around proud and fat people.. I think that being fat is very sexy and I like being original… I have been unlucky in love when it comes to being fat… Everyone seems to enjoy me as a fantasy but in reality you’re not so quick to want to be with me… So, I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis bulging desks herniated disc on top of my fibromyalgia, And both knees being bone and bone… The doctor say that they won’t operate on my back Until I’m around 200 pounds… I’m 480 5’4 and 52 years old ..I struggle every day in my living to get around to take a shower to walk to do the basic things in life… Because of my back issues it has caused sciatica and the sciatica has caused nerve damage in my thighs which make my legs weak.. I wouldn’t mind this if I had somebody that would be there to take care of me and to help me… But it just doesn’t work out that way and I’m just slowly losing every bit of myself and now I’m faced with having to have bypass surgery… This really is the last thing that I wanted… But it seems like things are just getting worse and worse I need more and more care and it’s just not there… So could you guys tell me what you think?


----------



## Lightning Man (Aug 16, 2020)

After knowing four women who've had WLS (sister, ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, current girlfriend), my only advice to you is this: if you can at all lose the weight you need to lose to have your other medical issues dealt with without WLS, please do. WLS changes so much of your life, and not just the weight.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 16, 2020)

Like you, CP, I have been in some not so great relationships. My independence and self sustaining capabilities are some of the greatest gifts I have found in this life. You cannot count on someone to take care of you, as you have discovered.
I cant tell you what to do but I will say that if I was in your shoes, I would do the surgery....and probably be excited about the new doors it could open for me.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do


----------

