# Belly to Knees



## AussieDude (Sep 17, 2007)

Now quite obviously I live in Australia, and from what I can tell people are pretty fit over here there are a few robust people but you rarely ever see someone who would be considered morbidly obese. However the other day I saw a woman most likely in her late 40s with a belly that hung to her knees if not a little bit over, she had massive arms hips and an arse, and it was quite a site. Now I've fantisized about woman this big before and you only ever get an image of them from drawings and ssbbw art but quite honestly it was abit of an arousal at first but then a turn off.. I was wondering if I could get peoples thoughts on this?


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## weetabix (Sep 17, 2007)

I think the guilt of lusting after such a fat woman kicks in a few moments after your initial lust. As you grow more accustomed to such feelings then you won't feel the guilt. It's probably this feeling that keeps FA's in the closet.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Sep 17, 2007)

my thought it....I'm very real and not even 30 yet....and my belly is huge....those are my thoughts...

But I guess in your country it is even rarer.


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## AussieDude (Sep 18, 2007)

lol i can see that big belly ssbbw, because your so young do you think you'll get bigger?


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Sep 18, 2007)

only time will tell 


seriously though, probably not...I am at that size that if I get much bigger life would be more of a struggle than it already is.


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## Dravenhawk (Sep 19, 2007)

weetabix said:


> I think the guilt of lusting after such a fat woman kicks in a few moments after your initial lust. As you grow more accustomed to such feelings then you won't feel the guilt. It's probably this feeling that keeps FA's in the closet.



No guilt here I am proud of my FAness. Dont think I can ever say I experienced guilt for lusting after some SSBBW. Maybe disappointed I had to settle for an anorexic 250 lb girl because the 450lb one was already taken.

Dravenhawk


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## LillyBBBW (Sep 19, 2007)

AussieDude said:


> Now quite obviously I live in Australia, and from what I can tell people are pretty fit over here there are a few robust people but you rarely ever see someone who would be considered morbidly obese. However the other day I saw a woman most likely in her late 40s with a belly that hung to her knees if not a little bit over, she had massive arms hips and an arse, and it was quite a site. Now I've fantisized about woman this big before and you only ever get an image of them from drawings and ssbbw art but quite honestly it was abit of an arousal at first but then a turn off.. I was wondering if I could get peoples thoughts on this?



Could it be possible you just didn't find this particular woman attractive? just because you are attracted to fat women doesn't mean you're going to be attracted to every fat woman. Maybe you just didn't find this particular woman attractive: Ugly wig, visible mustache, unkempt, she had a look of sheer misery to her that was a turnoff, etc.


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## AussieDude (Sep 19, 2007)

mmm maybe, I didn't notice a mustache lol but um yeah just the actual site itself.. i dunno come to think of it i think the arousal overwhelmed the guilt after it, im just confused thats all.


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## Jes (Sep 19, 2007)

Dravenhawk said:


> . Maybe disappointed I had to settle for an anorexic 250 lb girl because the 450lb one was already taken.
> 
> Dravenhawk



Yeah. Must be terrible to have to settle, like that.


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## Ned Sonntag (Sep 19, 2007)

weetabix said:


> I think the guilt of lusting after such a fat woman kicks in a few moments after your initial lust. As you grow more accustomed to such feelings then you won't feel the guilt. It's probably this feeling that keeps FA's in the closet.


 Post-coital triste without the coitus if you know what I'm sayin'.:doh:


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## AussieDude (Sep 19, 2007)

post wah? lol


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## bigwideland (Sep 21, 2007)

AussieDude said:


> Now quite obviously I live in Australia, and from what I can tell people are pretty fit over here there are a few robust people but you rarely ever see someone who would be considered morbidly obese. However the other day I saw a woman most likely in her late 40s with a belly that hung to her knees if not a little bit over, she had massive arms hips and an arse, and it was quite a site. Now I've fantisized about woman this big before and you only ever get an image of them from drawings and ssbbw art but quite honestly it was abit of an arousal at first but then a turn off.. I was wondering if I could get peoples thoughts on this?



As a fellow Ozzie, I have to say you have been blessed to have seen a person of that caliber. No need to get to deep about it, I mean if you enjoy fat then of course you get that rush, however we also feel for people and you may have also have had feeling of empathy for the person that could have had some levels of deep concern at the same time.

Some time ago when I was 22, I was at the CES look for a job and the biggest person I have yet seen waddled in to look at the jobs, he had rolls of fat at his ankles and every one was looking, I was so impressed in a good way, but I did feel that he was wasting his time at the CES, no one would give him a job it was hard enough at my weight back then and laws against discrimination was not so well inforced as now, so at the same time I felt sorry for him. After he left some people gave the person next to them the ' oh my god did you see that fat bloke look, and then I felt like a bit of anger.


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## GWARrior (Sep 22, 2007)

Dravenhawk said:


> Maybe disappointed I had to settle for an anorexic 250 lb girl because the 450lb one was already taken.
> 
> Dravenhawk



for serious? wow.


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## SocialbFly (Sep 23, 2007)

do you live in Brisbane, lol, and was it me?? (if so, ha, next time say hello, i dont bite much..i mean, i dont bite)
PS i see lots of fat people here, just WHERE do you hang out at??


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## RedVelvet (Oct 1, 2007)

Dravenhawk said:


> Maybe disappointed I had to settle for an anorexic 250 lb girl because the 450lb one was already taken.
> 
> Dravenhawk




Anorexic? Thinner than YOU like, maybe...but fucking..ANOREXIC? 

Anorexia if a disease.....you saying I have a disease?

Re-think your adjectives.


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## sunnie1653 (Oct 1, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Anorexic? Thinner than YOU like, maybe...but fucking..ANOREXIC?
> 
> Anorexia if a disease.....you saying I have a disease?
> 
> Re-think your adjectives.



Red, you're my hero. <3


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## mossystate (Oct 1, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Anorexic? Thinner than YOU like, maybe...but fucking..ANOREXIC?
> 
> Anorexia if a disease.....you saying I have a disease?
> 
> Re-think your adjectives.



Nah ( and of course you know this )...he is saying that your body is ugly..and that the woman who weighs 450 pounds would of course...want him..." was already taken "..like the chick was just kinda there for any yahoo that comes along...anyhoo....fun shit, this arrogance.


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## liz (di-va) (Oct 1, 2007)

weetabix said:


> I think the guilt of lusting after such a fat woman kicks in a few moments after your initial lust. As you grow more accustomed to such feelings then you won't feel the guilt. It's probably this feeling that keeps FA's in the closet.



What guilt? Guilt? She's just another woman out there. No guilt. Fat lady. No guilt. If you're guilty or turned-off...then maybe you don't like fat chix.


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## RedVelvet (Oct 1, 2007)

mossystate said:


> Nah ( and of course you know this )...he is saying that your body is ugly..and that the woman who weighs 450 pounds would of course...want him..." was already taken "..like the chick was just kinda there for any yahoo that comes along...anyhoo....fun shit, this arrogance.




You know...I fucking get preferences...


I like my men REALLY tall, dark of hair and pale of cheek....and of average build.

I really like that a lot. Yup.

Men who are not these things are not automatically unattractive to me....nor do I describe them as ugly, or diseased, or inferior. Heck....I even find many many of them rather cute...and DATE them...and don't feel like I have settled at all.....because they are PEOPLE, as opposed to objects.


This guy gets to have his preferences too........and I even would have let it go as just a really poorly chosen way of complimenting supersize women..

..but...there was talk of "settling" for a 250 pound anorexic...and I thought of her.......and realized....wow.....he isn't the *only* one who settled...

Lets just hope she wasn't hurt too badly.


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## mossystate (Oct 1, 2007)

Yup...both women are not people..they are produce on a shelf...preferences tend to not mean, in healthy and kind thinking, that ' the other ' is grotesque...I thought the same thing..I hope the ' skinny ' woman was not totally covered in foot prints...I hope she is somewhere, right now, typing or talking about how she really dodged a bullet...phew..


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## RedVelvet (Oct 1, 2007)

weetabix said:


> I think the guilt of lusting after such a fat woman kicks in a few moments after your initial lust. As you grow more accustomed to such feelings then you won't feel the guilt. It's probably this feeling that keeps FA's in the closet.




What?



Guilt for ..........what, exactly? Liken da freaky fat girl?

Issues, much?


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## Tooz (Oct 1, 2007)

You know, someone who is 250 pounds CAN have Anorexia.


It has been done. Maybe this 250 pound woman had Anorexia.


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## RedVelvet (Oct 1, 2007)

Tooz said:


> You know, someone who is 250 pounds CAN have Anorexia.
> 
> 
> It has been done. Maybe this 250 pound woman had Anorexia.




You are right. True. It could be that she exhibited all the eating behaviors of an anorexic while still maintaining that weight. Could be.

Tho he did use the term to describe all women that size in another post elsewhere on the board.....so..?


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## Tooz (Oct 1, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> You are right. True. It could be that she exhibited all the eating behaviors of an anorexic while still maintaining that weight. Could be.
> 
> Tho he did use the term to describe all women that size in another post elsewhere on the board.....so..?



Oh. I've not seen him, so whatevs on that. I have known people in my life, however, who weighed at least 250 and developed Anorexia. So yeah, anything is possible.


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## exile in thighville (Oct 1, 2007)

Shame and sex may be as All-American a couple as spaghetti and meatballs but that doesn't mean you Aussies are exempt. 

A little note:

Be nicer, people. People arrive at this board because their desires are inarticulate. Let them learn how to talk to women, especially fat women, without being assholes. Teach, don't scold. I'm not saying they deserve it. But getting offended by people who don't know what to think gets nothing done either. I end with a proverb not necessarily directed at this thread but at some of the attitude on this board of late: Cynicism is lazy.


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## Ruby Ripples (Oct 1, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> Shame and sex may be as All-American a couple as spaghetti and meatballs but that doesn't mean you Aussies are exempt.
> 
> A little note:
> 
> Be nicer, people. People arrive at this board because their desires are inarticulate. Let them learn how to talk to women, especially fat women, without being assholes. Teach, don't scold. I'm not saying they deserve it. But getting offended by people who don't know what to think gets nothing done either. I end with a proverb not necessarily directed at this thread but at some of the attitude on this board of late: Cynicism is lazy.




Couldn't agree more, Dan, thankyou.


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## SoVerySoft (Oct 1, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> Be nicer, people. People arrive at this board because their desires are inarticulate. Let them learn how to talk to women, especially fat women, without being assholes. Teach, don't scold. I'm not saying they deserve it. But getting offended by people who don't know what to think gets nothing done either. I end with a proverb not necessarily directed at this thread but at some of the attitude on this board of late: Cynicism is lazy.



Dan, I wish SO much that I could rep you. Grrrr!

You said it better than I could have, and I thank you. I would have stepped in sooner but wasn't able to get to the boards till now.

I hope everyone who has posted in this thread reads your post - twice.


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## ripley (Oct 1, 2007)

liz (di-va) said:


> What guilt? Guilt? She's just another woman out there. No guilt. Fat lady. No guilt. If you're guilty or turned-off...then maybe you don't like fat chix.




Exactly, Liz.





dan ex machina said:


> A little note:
> 
> Be nicer, people. People arrive at this board because their desires are inarticulate. Let them learn how to talk to women, especially fat women, without being assholes. Teach, don't scold. I'm not saying they deserve it. But getting offended by people who don't know what to think gets nothing done either. I end with a proverb not necessarily directed at this thread but at some of the attitude on this board of late: Cynicism is lazy.




I have a problem with snark, and being a little too much in love with my own wit. So sometimes I say stuff I shouldn't.

But.

Do you know how hard it is, day after day, to face disgust from the world at large, then come here and face it all over again? In this place where we're not supposed to have to feel it? 

I understand that new people find this place every day. And that they are not as far along the path as some of the rest of us. But you saying "be gentle, they are like newborn lambs" doesn't fly with me. Especially when that newborn lamb comes in here and says stuff that could come out of the mouths of the jerks that we deal with on a daily basis. 

So yes, I think we need to give everyone a chance, that comes here. But cut us a little slack, too, okay? It's hard to be faced, very very often, with someone basically saying "Fat chicks turn me on, how can I get over my visceral reaction of disgust when I look at them?" Or, "I want to have sex with you, but my friends would not approve of me with someone so apparently inferior." Is it any wonder that sometimes we're a little harsh? I'm not saying you have to approve, or that you shouldn't keep saying what you're saying. All I am asking is to give us a little understanding too, please.

I don't think any thin or slightly fat person can know what it's like to be very fat. There is a gulf, between us and the world. Dimensions is like a big wide bridge over that gulf, where we can meet, without fear or shame. Being confronted with something like this...that we "turn off" even supposed FAs...just makes us aware of the abyss that's under our feet. Every bit of the guard we've let down here comes rushing back.


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## mossystate (Oct 1, 2007)

Sometimes, this issue is not about whether an FA knows how to talk around fat women. Sometimes, it is just a garden variety does not know how to talk about human beings in general. As some would like a more ' gentle ' place for FA's, I think we have to understand there are those who, no matter what they preferred, would be crass and not have a clue. I can usually tell the difference and I don't tend to ' go after ' those who are simply..clumsy. Sure, my eyebrows might hit the top of my head whenever I smell something..off..but..I take into consideration what else I have seen from the person.


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## RedVelvet (Oct 1, 2007)

ripley said:


> I have a problem with snark, and being a little too much in love with my own wit. So sometimes I say stuff I shouldn't.
> 
> But.
> 
> ...






EXACTLY....THAT was brilliant.....BRILLIANT! God..someone rep her for me!

SoVerySoft, Dan...I get your points...I do..and I read it twice and I feel duely shamed and admonished for both snark and lack of compassion....to a point.

Ripley above has said EXACTLY....EXACTLY what I feel when I post the stuff you both found objectionable.

_I come here for respite too_....and SO OFTEN what I find is objectification, internal conflict, and everything else big women deal with daily.

I had a good male FA friend on this board state bascially based on his own experiences....ANY thin man who would be interested in me would be a fetishist FIRST...and a lover second.....he felt that as a heavier person himself, and based on his experiences in BBW/BHM clubs...any thin man who liked me had....a .....problem of some sort.

Nice, eh? Havent quite gotten over that...and that was just..oh....another day....

I ripped him a new one..there were apologies all around...and the damage is done anyway.

"Im so turned on but so freaked out by it"......causes a different reaction in you than it does me...and there are some lovely women here like Ruby and SoVery that are able to read that and be compassionate...

I cannot. I just cant.

I'm the bad cop.

sorry.


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## Spanky (Oct 1, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> Shame and sex may be as All-American a couple as spaghetti and meatballs but that doesn't mean you Aussies are exempt.



Can I re-write?? 

Shame and sex may be as All-American a couple as *a Toyota Tundra pick-up truck in a Sytende Mai parade in New Mexico* but that doesn't mean you Aussies are exempt.  

So close to Columbus Day, sketties an' a meat-a-balls are Italian. Egg noodles and ketchup are American. 

Otherwise, everything else you said I support with a "hear, hear"!

Snarkily, 

Spanky


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## liz (di-va) (Oct 1, 2007)

Okay, I'm feeling a little misunderstood here myself. My response was not to the noobie-OP, but to the 2nd posting, which was made by 1) somebody whose nick I have seen around FA stuff for a very long time and 2) in a very casual, strangely authoritative fashion, like...of course every FA feels guilt, this trademarked FA guilt. I felt like that was a misleadlingly cavalier thing to say, but also honestly a little funny in that respect, hence my breezy response.

But I *don't* engage in pileups on dudes coming out of the FA closet, I have publicly (over and over) made it clear that I think we have to support people doing that, I don't think I engage in a lot of easy cynicism about this phenom. Not every posting about this topic is the same, and I thought this one needed a little diffusing. It seems a dangerous idea (when not kind of hilarious) to talk as if every FA must feel guilt about it. I mean...what the heck.


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## RedVelvet (Oct 1, 2007)

liz (di-va) said:


> Okay, I'm feeling a little misunderstood here myself. My response was not to the noobie-OP, but to the 2nd posting, which was made by 1) somebody whose nick I have seen around FA stuff for a very long time and 2) in a very casual, strangely authoritative fashion, like...of course every FA feels guilt, this trademarked FA guilt. I felt like that was a misleadlingly cavalier thing to say, but also honestly a little funny in that respect, hence my breezy response.
> 
> But I *don't* engage in pileups on dudes coming out of the FA closet, I have publicly (over and over) made it clear that I think we have to support people doing that, I don't think I engage in a lot of easy cynicism about this phenom. Not every posting about this topic is the same, and I thought this one needed a little diffusing. It seems a dangerous idea (when not kind of hilarious) to talk as if every FA must feel guilt about it. I mean...what the heck.




True...in fact........ none of us were writing about the OP.


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## FreeThinker (Oct 1, 2007)

To the original poster:

It has happened to me that I see what I consider to be a very attractive woman, and lusty thoughts fill my mind. Then, we make eye contact, or say 'hello' while passing each other, and I run smack into the realisation that this object of my lust is not an 'object' at all, but a real person. I usually feel like a creep then, and these feelings are enough to make me ashamed of having felt this attraction in the first place. It is not because of who she may be or what she may represent, but because of the awareness of my own perceived 'assholery' in this circumstance.

Nothing is more of a mood-kill than feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.

I've noticed that this is not a problem when the awareness of the lady in question as a person comes _first_, and thoughts of lust follow afterwards.

Could this have been the phenomenon you experienced?


(Argh! I know what I want to say, but I can't seem to get it out just right.)


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## SoVerySoft (Oct 2, 2007)

liz (di-va) said:


> Okay, I'm feeling a little misunderstood here myself. My response was not to the noobie-OP, but to the 2nd posting, which was made by 1) somebody whose nick I have seen around FA stuff for a very long time and 2) in a very casual, strangely authoritative fashion, like...of course every FA feels guilt, this trademarked FA guilt. I felt like that was a misleadlingly cavalier thing to say, but also honestly a little funny in that respect, hence my breezy response.
> 
> But I *don't* engage in pileups on dudes coming out of the FA closet, I have publicly (over and over) made it clear that I think we have to support people doing that, I don't think I engage in a lot of easy cynicism about this phenom. Not every posting about this topic is the same, and I thought this one needed a little diffusing. It seems a dangerous idea (when not kind of hilarious) to talk as if every FA must feel guilt about it. I mean...what the heck.



Liz, no, I had no problem with your post. And I've never seen you in the middle of a pileup. I don't think any of this was directed at you.

I'm too tired to address the actual pileup tonite. If it's still a tender issue tomorrow, I'll re-address it.


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## Suze (Oct 2, 2007)

Dravenhawk said:


> No guilt here I am proud of my FAness. Dont think I can ever say I experienced guilt for lusting after some SSBBW. Maybe disappointed I had to settle for an anorexic 250 lb girl because the 450lb one was already taken.
> 
> Dravenhawk



My BMI tells me i'm a ssbbw...according to you i'm anorectic 
WTF? 
:huh:

some FA are funny. (and jerks)


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## Suze (Oct 2, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Oh. I've not seen him, so whatevs on that. I have known people in my life, however, who weighed at least 250 and developed Anorexia. So yeah, anything is possible.



I think it's more common to be bulimic at that weight. But as you said, anything is possible. A friend of a friend of mine was anorectic...the only thing she ate was candy, and ran to the toilet to get rid of it afterwards. She must have weighed about 230 pounds.


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## RedVelvet (Oct 2, 2007)

susieQ said:


> I think it's more common to be bulimic at that weight. But as you said, anything is possible. A friend of a friend of mine was anorectic...the only thing she ate was candy, and ran to the toilet to get rid of it afterwards. She must have weighed about 230 pounds.



Just reading that makes me crave a baked potato and a salad......ick...sugar all the time....crazy.


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## Suze (Oct 2, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Just reading that makes me crave a baked potato and a salad......ick...sugar all the time....crazy.



I know, I didn't believe her (my friend) at first. Poor girl (and teeths!)


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## Jes (Oct 2, 2007)

ripley said:


> Exactly, Liz.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



rock on, daddy. I have wondered, recently, about whether a men-only board (as this place started as a male FA thingie) would improve this ...posting at cross-purposes? I don't know how that would be monitored. Women would still read, and post, which would be wrong, but it's something to think about. I'm sure there are reasons not to do it, but I'm also sure there are reasons TO do it, and perhaps the discussion we're having right now, re: Dravenhawk's anorexic GF would be better addressed, and ignored, on a man-only board? Or an FA-only board? I don't know.


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## Ruby Ripples (Oct 2, 2007)

I'm sure by now Draven has been made VERY clearly aware of his "faux pas", he said something very insensitive, everyone has done that sometimes. NO point in keeping beating his comment to death. I think it's obvious to anyone REALLY that all he was trying to say is that he is much more attracted to SSBBW than anyone thinner, but he did it in a clumsy and offensive to some manner. Okay, we all know that now. Can we get off his back, since actually what Ive seen of him in chat, he's a nice person. 

Jes, with regard to the men-only thing, no it wouldn't work I believe because do you remember the recent two threads where one was Women only to take part, and the other was Men only to take part. The men kept out of the women's thread NO problem but within no time women were jumping into the men's thread, they just COULDN'T keep out.


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## liz (di-va) (Oct 2, 2007)

i literally fell asleep at my keyboard last night 1/2 watchin this thread go by, so my apologies if I unecessarily fanned any flames...didn't mean to. we'se cool, SVS! And I didn't get to say:



ripley said:


> There is a gulf, between us and the world. Dimensions is like a big wide bridge over that gulf, where we can meet, without fear or shame. Being confronted with something like this...that we "turn off" even supposed FAs...just makes us aware of the abyss that's under our feet.



this is very well-put and lovely, rip. still thinkin about yer post.

anyhow, onward and upward. here's to bridgin those gaps!  seriously. naughtily and seriously.


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## exile in thighville (Oct 2, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> Jes, with regard to the men-only thing, no it wouldn't work I believe because do you remember the recent two threads where one was Women only to take part, and the other was Men only to take part. The men kept out of the women's thread NO problem but within no time women were jumping into the men's thread, they just COULDN'T keep out.



And why would we go to a sausage fest?


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## exile in thighville (Oct 2, 2007)

ripley said:


> Exactly, Liz.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You're right. I mean, I know I alternate between snarking hard and coming down hard on snark so I obviously fall under my own critique. But there are times when I think it's pretty clear a person's feeling confusion but speaking disgust and it's just a matter of ettiquette (and a bit of thinking on their part). That a pm from someone saying "hey, you shouldn't say that kind of thing around here, here's some pointers on language and posting" goes farther than a billion "LOL I can't believe you're such a forthright asshole" replies. It's admittedly to regulate and it's not like people aren't gonna post what they feel. 

For the record, I chuckled at the 250 lb anorexic thing myself, but maybe it was in jest? I cringed more at the "settling" deal, just thinking about all the 250 lb women here who thought they finally found something approaching love (or at least affection) only to realize they were a stepping stone in some master plan to find that elusive 450 lb woman.

I'm only speaking for myself here, but the inexperienced FAs can be a bit overambitious due to the numbers they're used to flashing across their screen. Even if my gf wasn't gaining and stayed 229, just the way she is now, I've got everything I want. It's a "low" number for this site, yes, so it feels comparatively small in conversation, and I'm a feeder, yes, but also there's a certain point of bigness that I believe satisfies all the most plausible "attraction" signifiers (I'm speaking in real, reallll shallow terms here) and the guys may be surprised how "low" one need to be to do so. Unless you're a feeder or at least get really really turned on by stuckage and other "adjustment" things that signify gaining, the body itself of a 250 lb woman and a 450 woman isn't the mass difference an "anorexic" 100 lb woman is from a 250 pound woman. It's just more.

No offense to you 450 lb women! You are something special and there are definitely connossieurs for you and they often overlap!

But, between me and the guys, don't leave that special 250 lb someone for shallow reasons, because the poundage difference in feel will be lesser than the difference in the amount of vadge you will be able to enter. And yes, I know that's a turn on for lots of you too--pervoids


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## FreeThinker (Oct 2, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> For the record, I chuckled at the 250 lb anorexic thing myself, but maybe it was in jest? I cringed more at the "settling" deal, just thinking about all the 250 lb women here who thought they finally found something approaching love (or at least affection) only to realize they were a stepping stone in some master plan to find that elusive 450 lb woman.



I felt sorry thinking of what would happen if the woman he "settled for" were to read his post. 

On the other hand, maybe it's best if she does.


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## ripley (Oct 2, 2007)

It actually wasn't the "250 lb anorexic" comment that I was responding too. (He was trying to illustrate a point, probably did it badly, so be it.)

I was responding to the disgust the OP seemed to express, when actually confronted with a 450 lb. woman. That he looked her over (What a huge ass! What monumental thighs!) and after drooling over the parts, found that overall she was a "turn off."

I'm very much more in the neighborhood of 450 than I am 250. I am not going to react well to a supposed FA saying that I'm too big...that my body is a turn-off. I'm sorry that I felt I had to say something here on the Weight Board but it is what it is. I feel like enough of a freak sometimes in the real world, without having to feel it here at Dims, too.


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## SocialbFly (Oct 2, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> No offense to you 450 lb women! You are something special and there are definitely connossieurs for you and they often overlap!
> 
> But, between me and the guys, don't leave that special 250 lb someone for shallow reasons, because the poundage difference in feel will be lesser than the difference in the amount of vadge you will be able to enter. And yes, I know that's a turn on for lots of you too--pervoids



is this where the sausage quote would be appropriate?? you know, i responded with humor to the first post, but honestly, i think i am more put out by this comment than the other....generally speaking do "vadge" comments like this make anyone feel better? thank you for sharing (from another 450lber).


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Oct 2, 2007)

SocialbFly said:


> is this where the sausage quote would be appropriate?? you know, i responded with humor to the first post, but honestly, i think i am more put out by this comment than the other....generally speaking do "vadge" comments like this make anyone feel better? thank you for sharing (from another 450lber).




I'm a bit put off here too D. I suppose a crack about the length of his penis would be out of line. From another 450 pounder. No Vag depth problem here.


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## ChubbyBlackSista (Oct 2, 2007)

I'm sure your belly is very cute


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## RedVelvet (Oct 2, 2007)

SocialbFly said:


> is this where the sausage quote would be appropriate?? you know, i responded with humor to the first post, but honestly, i think i am more put out by this comment than the other....generally speaking do "vadge" comments like this make anyone feel better? thank you for sharing (from another 450lber).





YEahhhhh......nice work all around on that.

Men and women: very very different.


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## CuslonGodibb (Oct 3, 2007)

Well spoken, dan ex machina! And I'll try to remember that proverb - - -

/ CuslonGodibb



dan ex machina said:


> Shame and sex may be as All-American a couple as spaghetti and meatballs but that doesn't mean you Aussies are exempt.
> 
> A little note:
> 
> Be nicer, people. People arrive at this board because their desires are inarticulate. Let them learn how to talk to women, especially fat women, without being assholes. Teach, don't scold. I'm not saying they deserve it. But getting offended by people who don't know what to think gets nothing done either. I end with a proverb not necessarily directed at this thread but at some of the attitude on this board of late: Cynicism is lazy.


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## CuslonGodibb (Oct 3, 2007)

What you said really is worth some thinking, FreeThinker!

/ CuslonGodibb



FreeThinker said:


> To the original poster:
> 
> It has happened to me that I see what I consider to be a very attractive woman, and lusty thoughts fill my mind. Then, we make eye contact, or say 'hello' while passing each other, and I run smack into the realisation that this object of my lust is not an 'object' at all, but a real person. I usually feel like a creep then, and these feelings are enough to make me ashamed of having felt this attraction in the first place. It is not because of who she may be or what she may represent, but because of the awareness of my own perceived 'assholery' in this circumstance.
> 
> ...


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## exile in thighville (Oct 3, 2007)

SocialbFly said:


> is this where the sausage quote would be appropriate?? you know, i responded with humor to the first post, but honestly, i think i am more put out by this comment than the other....generally speaking do "vadge" comments like this make anyone feel better? thank you for sharing (from another 450lber).



I like 450 lb women and don't hate myself for it. All I was trying to say (and admittedly muddied) is that FAs shouldn't discount a smaller bbw if they're looking for an ssbbw for GOTTA HAVE THE BIGGEST reasons.

Sorry folks; I ended up spewing more at the women than the men there, and I apologize as it was obviously unintended. Not a gynophobe. It was hard to illustrate what I meant (right, Sandie, a diss on the small, overambitious dicks rather than the challenging and more than admittedly enticing ssbbw anatomy) and my usual crassness usually tries to blur the line rather than cross it, and here I totally failed. Vadges weren't the problem I was trying to identify, and I certainly used the word pervoid in jest.


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## AussieDude (Oct 10, 2007)

> It has happened to me that I see what I consider to be a very attractive woman, and lusty thoughts fill my mind. Then, we make eye contact, or say 'hello' while passing each other, and I run smack into the realisation that this object of my lust is not an 'object' at all, but a real person. I usually feel like a creep then, and these feelings are enough to make me ashamed of having felt this attraction in the first place. It is not because of who she may be or what she may represent, but because of the awareness of my own perceived 'assholery' in this circumstance.
> 
> Nothing is more of a mood-kill than feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.
> 
> ...



Yeah that is pretty much what I was trying to say and get across, that its a lust thing but as soon as soon as you see it out of say like a story in fantasy and it becomes real its very very different.


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## ripley (Oct 11, 2007)

If you're an Aussie "Dude" who is that in your avatar pic?


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## Jay West Coast (Oct 12, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> No offense to you 450 lb women! You are something special and there are definitely connossieurs for you and they often overlap!



*chuckles at the punniness of using the word _overlap_ in a thread about bellies down to the knees*


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## JohnWylde (Oct 12, 2007)

Hi Ripley

Now I think I could be living dangerously trying to contribute to this thread!

I have found myself being more and more attracted to ladies who probably fall into the SSBBW general description. I can't help it having had a few gfs from UK size 6 (I think thast US size0!!) to UK size 40 so I don't think I'm obsessed by a ladies weight - I just know that someone around 450 or more is most likely to have the soft curves that I find so sexy. I certainly find that if a lady says she is over 400, I find myself wanting to know more and not about her statistics either.

Physical attraction is obviously only a part of a relationship - but isnt it just that when eyes meet across a crowded room?

btw Just found your myspace pics - I do think you look gorgeous.

John W




ripley said:


> It actually wasn't the "250 lb anorexic" comment that I was responding too. (He was trying to illustrate a point, probably did it badly, so be it.)
> 
> I was responding to the disgust the OP seemed to express, when actually confronted with a 450 lb. woman. That he looked her over (What a huge ass! What monumental thighs!) and after drooling over the parts, found that overall she was a "turn off."
> 
> I'm very much more in the neighborhood of 450 than I am 250. I am not going to react well to a supposed FA saying that I'm too big...that my body is a turn-off. I'm sorry that I felt I had to say something here on the Weight Board but it is what it is. I feel like enough of a freak sometimes in the real world, without having to feel it here at Dims, too.


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## AussieDude (Oct 15, 2007)

> f you're an Aussie "Dude" who is that in your avatar pic?



That would be heather bbw, she is one of the sexiest ssbbw ive seen. i havnt heard of any ssbbw aussie models


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## ripley (Oct 20, 2007)

Okay, I'm confused about a couple things then (least of which is if you have her permission to use her pic for your avie).

You said in your original post that you found the 450 lb. woman to be a turn off. Heather is a good bit bigger than that...it seems like a contradiction to me. Is it only in real life that you find really large women to be unattractive?


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## NancyGirl74 (Oct 21, 2007)

To the OP and all other FAs who post their sitings of BBWs and SSBBWs...if you ever see me on your travels please don't post about it unless you can give a glowing review. What can I say, I'm sensitive. If I read that you didn't like how my belly didn't hang just so or that my booty didn't wiggle enough or that you didn't get aroused by my elbow dimples I think I'll be crushed. In return I will promise not to post my FA sitings stating how your gawking and critiquing left me wondering why I was turned off and pondering my FA preferences. 

To the dude who made the "settling" comment....What's so wrong with settling, anyway? I'm sure your girl wanted Brad Pitt or George Clooney but she's got you instead. I'm sure you're a lovely boyfriend....still, she settled, didn't she? Maybe you should start to appreciate what you _chose_ to settle for before she decides to settle herself somewhere else.


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## Gordo Mejor (Oct 23, 2007)

AussieDude said:


> However the other day I saw a woman most likely in her late 40s with a belly that hung to her knees if not a little bit over, she had massive arms hips and an arse, and it was quite a site. Now I've fantisized about woman this big before and you only ever get an image of them from drawings and ssbbw art but quite honestly it was abit of an arousal at first but then a turn off.. I was wondering if I could get peoples thoughts on this?



Well, I get the arousal, but not the turn off. Actually, a belly hanging down like that is quite special to me. But I won't say no to soft arms, legs, a beautiful round face or any other nice fat bits. :wubu:


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 23, 2007)

I wonder if its anything like the impossible fantasy. Like for years you fantasize about having sex on a beach, then one day someone seems game and then you start thinking about the sand in your craw. You wonder if someone will see you, what if you lose your keys, do you have on enough sunblock, what if a kid saunters by or a cop, are there mosquitos on that beach, how hot IS that sand anyway? Performance anxiety.


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## Jay West Coast (Oct 24, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> I wonder if its anything like the impossible fantasy. Like for years you fantasize about having sex on a beach, then one day someone seems game and then you start thinking about the sand in your craw. You wonder if someone will see you, what if you lose your keys, do you have on enough sunblock, what if a kid saunters by or a cop, are there mosquitos on that beach, how hot IS that sand anyway? Performance anxiety.



Right. Not that you'd know or anything. 'Cuz you know, I sure don't....


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## SocialbFly (Oct 24, 2007)

at some point isnt it all moot?? you either like sex on the beach, or you dont...you either like fat women with their inherint belly hang....or you don't...get a clue, then let us know, i for one, am dying to know....


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## Chimpi (Oct 24, 2007)

SocialbFly said:


> you either like fat women with their inherint belly hang....or you don't...get a clue, then let us know, i for one, am dying to know....



I do. Very much so!
*Shrugs*


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## Ernest Nagel (Oct 24, 2007)

SocialbFly said:


> at some point isnt it all moot?? you either like sex on the beach, or you dont...you either like fat women with their inherent belly hang....or you don't...get a clue, then let us know, i for one, am dying to know....



I don't want to take you out of context, Di, but I have to say, for me anyway, a lot depends on the beach! And women are far different, one to the next, than beaches aren't they? I'm no more _automatically _attracted to a woman simply because of her weight than her shoe size. Does size tend to get my attention for further interest? Sure! I think men typically have some visual cues that we use to help us consider our options more efficiently. Size, or any visible characteristic is simply faster to evaluate than more complex but equally or more important attributes such as intelligence, personality, etc.

So there is nothing I don't like about fat women but I don't inherently like all women who are fat. I suspect this is true for most FA's?


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## fa_foo (Nov 2, 2007)

FreeThinker said:


> It has happened to me that I see what I consider to be a very attractive woman, and lusty thoughts fill my mind. Then, we make eye contact, or say 'hello' while passing each other, and I run smack into the realisation that this object of my lust is not an 'object' at all, but a real person. I usually feel like a creep then, and these feelings are enough to make me ashamed of having felt this attraction in the first place. It is not because of who she may be or what she may represent, but because of the awareness of my own perceived 'assholery' in this circumstance.
> 
> Nothing is more of a mood-kill than feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.



Yeah, that expresses the issue of guilt/shame nicely. Being attracted to fat on a woman first, and then seeing the woman, not the other way around. Kind of like checking out T&A rather than the person. And it becomes about "Why do these base desires have so much sway, preempting just making genuine human contact? I'm such a schmoe. Look at this beautiful woman here with the bright shining spirit, and the first thing I see is the physical..."

The turn-off in this case happens because all of a sudden its about internal psychological crap. This *still attractive *large lovely woman is there and we're beating ourselves up for being attracted to the person's size and curvature, and not the real person right there. In other words, her body is in no way a turn-off; its that we found ourselves paying attention to her body and not to her. Big difference, and yet evolved men and women like to think themselves above objectifying.

foo


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## pete1 (Nov 2, 2007)

wow thats a sexy belly


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## elggij (Nov 7, 2007)

I would love to have her in bed.


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## dedhart (Nov 10, 2007)

Allright enough lurking, I guess this threads been up long enough I just wanted to share my experiences. I met a woman at an event once who's belly did in fact hang to her knees. Unfortunately she was with someone else at the time, but we've managed to stay in touch online and even though her and her old bf have split up, she lives about 200 miles away so I've only managed to make the trek up there a couple of times, but I'll say I can understand how the OP could change so quickly from turned on to turned off. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say anything negative about this woman or anyone shaped similarly, just in my experience when faced with the reality of such extremities, it rarely holds a candle to the fantasies our minds create. We were limited to the places we could go together, I took her shopping and she had to get one of those scooters cause she just can't walk more than a few minutes without becoming short of breath. Her belly wasn't nearly as soft and squishy as 250-350 lb. women I've seen, it was kinda hard and leathery, it got in the way of sex and was too heavy to really move around much. Don't get me wrong, it was still amazing, but to be with and take care of someone so large every day would be a great hardship, and I think while most of us FA's fantasize about women of such extreme size, I can see how facing the real difficulties of such extremes can be a put off.


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## SoVerySoft (Nov 10, 2007)

dedhart said:


> Allright enough lurking, I guess this threads been up long enough I just wanted to share my experiences. I met a woman at an event once who's belly did in fact hang to her knees. Unfortunately she was with someone else at the time, but we've managed to stay in touch online and even though her and her old bf have split up, she lives about 200 miles away so I've only managed to make the trek up there a couple of times, but I'll say I can understand how the OP could change so quickly from turned on to turned off. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say anything negative about this woman or anyone shaped similarly, just in my experience when faced with the reality of such extremities, it rarely holds a candle to the fantasies our minds create. We were limited to the places we could go together, I took her shopping and she had to get one of those scooters cause she just can't walk more than a few minutes without becoming short of breath. Her belly wasn't nearly as soft and squishy as 250-350 lb. women I've seen, it was kinda hard and leathery, it got in the way of sex and was too heavy to really move around much. Don't get me wrong, it was still amazing, but to be with and take care of someone so large every day would be a great hardship, and I think while most of us FA's fantasize about women of such extreme size, I can see how facing the real difficulties of such extremes can be a put off.



*sigh*

This isn't me he's talking about, but it certainly could be. This is why I am so hesitant to get involved with new guys. 

I warn them about the things he is put off by above, and they always say "oh that's ok, I don't mind any of that. I love big women."

But I still worry, and I can see by his post that I have good reason to.

Did I already say *sigh*?


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## Gordo Mejor (Nov 10, 2007)

I'm glad you've found about yourself. For some of us, a belly like that is unbelieveably special. So caring for someone like that is no hardship.


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## SocialbFly (Nov 10, 2007)

I couldnt agree more, i was recently around an avowed FA, and he told me to get a handicapped sticker and to just get over it, cause i was fat...thanks, i dont think men understand how that feels to us sometimes...

i know we all have things that work for us, things that don't...but don't hurt what you like, and some of these comments in this thread i for one, have found hurtful...

i know i am sensitive about it, but i promise, if i was talking about something you could be sensitive about, say penis size...i PROMISE you would be more empathetic...

i am not unsympathetic to the fact that sometimes the very thing we like is the very thing that ends up repelling us, but honestly, is that something to share with us? is that being SIZE accepting or size qualifying....???

*shaking head* i just don't get it sometimes....

hugs to you SVS


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## SoVerySoft (Nov 11, 2007)

SocialbFly said:


> .....i am not unsympathetic to the fact that sometimes the very thing we like is the very thing that ends up repelling us, but honestly, is that something to share with us? is that being SIZE accepting or size qualifying....???
> 
> *shaking head* i just don't get it sometimes....
> 
> hugs to you SVS



Thanks so much, Soc. You are so sweet!

Even tho in some ways it was a kick in the very belly we've been discussing in this thread, I actually don't mind that he shared it with us. I am glad that people can talk about it here. We can get both sides. Who knows, maybe lots of guys will respond as Gordo did.


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## LillyBBBW (Nov 11, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> Thanks so much, Soc. You are so sweet!
> 
> Even tho in some ways it was a kick in the very belly we've been discussing in this thread, I actually don't mind that he shared it with us. I am glad that people can talk about it here. We can get both sides. Who knows, maybe lots of guys will respond as Gordo did.



I'm certain there are many guys who would respond as Gordo did, that's why I don't get overly upset over these kinds of posts. In the big picture it is people like this who enjoy the biggest disadvantage. For me life is too short but for a person who can never fully enjoy that which they desire life can drone on an awful long time.


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## Chimpi (Nov 11, 2007)

Gordo Mejor said:


> I'm glad you've found about yourself. For some of us, a belly like that is unbelieveably special. So caring for someone like that is no hardship.



Agreed.
Naturally, there are going to be hardships. As in _all_ relationships. But, a part of being in a relationship is working through them, and working with the other person. Through everything.  But, as Gordo Mejor says (and something I agree with), a belly that large would never be a nuisance.


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## Ernest Nagel (Nov 11, 2007)

SocialbFly said:


> i know i am sensitive about it, but i promise, if i was talking about something you could be sensitive about, say penis size...i PROMISE you would be more empathetic...
> 
> i am not unsympathetic to the fact that sometimes the very thing we like is the very thing that ends up repelling us, but honestly, is that something to share with us? is that being SIZE accepting or size qualifying....???
> 
> *shaking head* i just don't get it sometimes....



If I was burdened with a penis to my knees I think it's safe to say I would just learn to live with the hurtful comments, at least the ones I didn't have emblazoned on t-shirts or plastered on my website. 

Seriously though, Di, I get what you're saying but a decent, honorable and worthwhile man relates to a woman as far more than her physicality. Why worry about the rest?


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## Jes (Nov 11, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> for a person who can never fully enjoy that which they desire life can drone on an awful long time.



i'm going to stitch this onto a sampler, Lilly.


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## liz (di-va) (Nov 11, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> Even tho in some ways it was a kick in the very belly we've been discussing in this thread, I actually don't mind that he shared it with us. I am glad that people can talk about it here. We can get both sides. Who knows, maybe lots of guys will respond as Gordo did.



That is a very considered and fair response on your part, SVS; I gotta say despite the honesty displayed in dedhart's post it still makes my blood run cold a little. I really know that not every guy is like that, but still. Hearing yet another variation on The-More-Bigger-the-More-I-Wank But in Practice I Really...Just Want a Plumper is kind of yucky. I guess I am glad I learn more about how men's brains work hanging around here, but I am struck at the moment by how WAY MUCH MORE we have to hear about the sticky ins and outs of every dude's preference. Most women don't have to hear about it in nearly such excruciating detail, whatever the preference is.

I guess the thing I'm thinking is: I know we all like what we like, but it's not all negotiable, you know? You fall in love with a big fat girl, she may: not run up stairs, wheeze sometimes, have a double chin or four, know what it means to have a rash under her stomach, not have body fat that all over is as carefully downy as a German comforter. We are just human beings like that. Everyone is always "compromising,": women especially, yo. Oh yeah--and we age!

Anyhow, what Lilly said . Heh.


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## Jes (Nov 11, 2007)

i try to remember that dims is began as a male-FA SIG. And people want a place to discuss their fantasies. And that they want to be honest about them. And that, in MY mind, Dims is skewed to the very fat partner (definitely ssbbw to....sssssbbw, haha)

but i agree. depressing to me. I want to be honest, too.

interestingly, I'm always hearing how FAs generally want women in my weight class, as it were. That an 800 lbs woman might give them a boner, but that in daily life, my size fits the bill. But that means I don't usually feel very comfortable here b/c I've chosen to hang out at a place that really is, I think, skewed to much larger women. Disagree if you want, but that's been my experience and I won't back down from expressing it. I have no doubt others agree with me. Utlimately, if you're 250 lbs, a lot of men here won't 'pick' you (whatever that means). If you're 500 lbs and that's what they (think they) want, some still won't pick you, as this thread makes plain. 

it's good to be realistic and to know what it is you wanna pick before you pick something that ain't it.


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## LillyBBBW (Nov 11, 2007)

Jes said:


> <snipped>.....Utlimately, if you're 250 lbs, a lot of men here won't 'pick' you (whatever that means). If you're 500 lbs and that's what they (think they) want, some still won't pick you, as this thread makes plain....<snipped>



LOL!! I know that this wasn't meant to be funny but I cannot help but marvel at the irony that is represented in this statement. Surely relationships are based on more than body type but threads like these do present some disturbing thoughts. A man may be with you who is merely settling because being with another is impractical or you could be with a man who desires you but finds you disgusting at the same time. The nature of relationships in the big picture make such unions unlikely but still, the knowledge of such things may cause any woman to look askance at her lover from time to time.


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## Isa (Nov 11, 2007)

dedhart said:


> SNIP
> Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say anything negative about this woman or anyone shaped similarly, just in my experience when faced with the reality of such extremities, it rarely holds a candle to the fantasies our minds create. We were limited to the places we could go together, I took her shopping and she had to get one of those scooters cause she just can't walk more than a few minutes without becoming short of breath. Her belly wasn't nearly as soft and squishy as 250-350 lb. women I've seen, it was kinda hard and leathery, it got in the way of sex and was too heavy to really move around much. Don't get me wrong, it was still amazing, but to be with and take care of someone so large every day would be a great hardship, and I think while most of us FA's fantasize about women of such extreme size, I can see how facing the real difficulties of such extremes can be a put off.



While reading it stings, I am glad that you shared this. Your fellow FA's need to hear it. IMO this is the effect of too much internet fantasy specifically of the porn variety. Not to knock it but the majority of FA's only experience fat women in this fashion and it can be hell on both parties when reality rears its ugly head. Been there, done that.

News flash gentlemen, when women hit 3, 4 or 500 pounds their skin is not all pink, pretty and unblemished. Nor do the majority of them run around wearing high heels, skipping about without a care in the world. Reality can be a bitch and some of us are forced to live with it on a daily basis.


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## RedVelvet (Nov 11, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> LOL!! I know that this wasn't meant to be funny but I cannot help but marvel at the irony that is represented in this statement. Surely relationships are based on more than body type but threads like these do present some disturbing thoughts. A man may be with you who is merely settling because being with another is impractical or you could be with a man who desires you but finds you disgusting at the same time. The nature of relationships in the big picture make such unions unlikely but still, the knowledge of such things may cause any woman to look askance at her lover from time to time.



No kidding...When I responded to the "Radical Honesty" thread....hell...I was thinking about THIS one.

I had to learn to stop trying to be every man I was withs perfect fantasy. I take good care of myself and groom to please because it delights me to do so....but man...even on THAT small a scale...Why do I always find the FA's with the Heel Fetish? 

Reality...2-3 inch heels, darling......I will wear the 5 inch ones only if I can remain prone, thanks. Also....stockings all the time? I have to special order them, ok? We cant just "pop into a store and find me a bathing suit"....cripes!

And Thats just CLOTHING: When we are talking actual body size and shape and texture, things get very very personal, and very very tender, very fast.


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## liz (di-va) (Nov 11, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> And Thats just CLOTHING: When we are talking actual body size and shape and texture, things get very very personal, and very very tender, very fast.



Yurp! oh Yes.

It's funny, I feel better having vented here about this one. I mean...whatcha gonna do. It is probably good that dudes who think we're all fluffy buoyant bunnies without a ding anywhere get over that idea . I can't imagine thinkin anybody is, period, after the age of 25, fat or not, male or female, but still--cast ye off the eyes of Photoshop!


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## dedhart (Nov 11, 2007)

Sorry for anyone my post has offended, that really wasn't my intention. Maybe I should have just kept my trap shut, but I appreciate the feedback, negative and not so negative. I wasn't trying to take a shot at anyone, just saying how I can understand how the OP could feel the way he feels. I still keep in touch w/ said girl from previous post, and I really feel bad for her cause she can't really get out much, and I try do do what I can to help her when I can, just that I'm a poor boy trying to make ends meet over here, and when I get my ducks in a row, well who knows. Anyways I'm sure I've allready said too much, so again sorry to anyone I've offended.


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## SoVerySoft (Nov 11, 2007)

dedhart said:


> Sorry for anyone my post has offended, that really wasn't my intention. Maybe I should have just kept my trap shut, but I appreciate the feedback, negative and not so negative. I wasn't trying to take a shot at anyone, just saying how I can understand how the OP could feel the way he feels. I still keep in touch w/ said girl from previous post, and I really feel bad for her cause she can't really get out much, and I try do do what I can to help her when I can, just that I'm a poor boy trying to make ends meet over here, and when I get my ducks in a row, well who knows. Anyways I'm sure I've allready said too much, so again sorry to anyone I've offended.



dedhart, I don't think you should have kept your trap shut. You have a right to post your own feelings and experiences, even if they express something that's hard for us to hear.

By doing so it opened a dialog on the topic, bringing in other positions, which I think is a healthy thing.

I believe that you simply weren't prepared for the reality of a SSBBW. Knowing that a person might need a bit of experience with us could actually be helpful to SSBBWs who might not realize that, and be unprepared when encountering someone new.

For me personally, I know that my issues and limitations make me a handful, but I know that there's a guy out there with big hands


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 11, 2007)

NancyGirl74 said:


> To the OP and all other FAs who post their sitings of BBWs and SSBBWs...if you ever see me on your travels please don't post about it unless you can give a glowing review. What can I say, I'm sensitive. If I read that you didn't like how my belly didn't hang just so or that my booty didn't wiggle enough or that you didn't get aroused by my elbow dimples I think I'll be crushed. In return I will promise not to post my FA sitings stating how your gawking and critiquing left me wondering why I was turned off and pondering my FA preferences.
> 
> To the dude who made the "settling" comment....What's so wrong with settling, anyway? I'm sure your girl wanted Brad Pitt or George Clooney but she's got you instead. I'm sure you're a lovely boyfriend....still, she settled, didn't she? Maybe you should start to appreciate what you _chose_ to settle for before she decides to settle herself somewhere else.



     - I gave out too much rep already but I owe you some


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 11, 2007)

Jes said:


> interestingly, I'm always hearing how FAs generally want women in my weight class, as it were. That an 800 lbs woman might give them a boner, but that in daily life, my size fits the bill. But that means I don't usually feel very comfortable here b/c I've chosen to hang out at a place that really is, I think, skewed to much larger women. Disagree if you want, but that's been my experience and I won't back down from expressing it. I have no doubt others agree with me. Utlimately, if you're 250 lbs, a lot of men here won't 'pick' you (whatever that means). If you're 500 lbs and that's what they (think they) want, some still won't pick you, as this thread makes plain.
> 
> it's good to be realistic and to know what it is you wanna pick before you pick something that ain't it.




I concur.... :bow:

It never bothers me that a man not not like how I look or my size...hell, I deal with that in reality- just in the reverse of this place. That's all cool with me- I don't need every man drooling to make my life complete. What does bother me is seeing it said, on a semi-regular basis, that women my size or shape are somehow lacking. I don't come here and knock guys that I don't naturally feel attracted to so why is it supposed to be "okay" when others do it? Isn't size acceptance for people of all sizes? Even if it isn't, why knock people of different sizes? It's all good if you don't like a certain size, shape, person, etc. but who sets the standards of good and bad? I don't get it ...and that is making me ramble. People come here to see the "other side" - and it helps me out in reality to realize that I am not automatically repugnant to everyone because I don't fit the media's, or my parent's, ideal of beauty and weight. 
However, it seems like an arrogance to come to a place about acceptance and bash those who don't fit your ideal- like your ideal is best.


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## Isa (Nov 11, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> - I gave out too much rep already but I owe you some



I hit her up for both of us.


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## The Orange Mage (Nov 11, 2007)

Jes said:


> i try to remember that dims is began as a male-FA SIG. And people want a place to discuss their fantasies. And that they want to be honest about them. And that, in MY mind, Dims is skewed to the very fat partner (definitely ssbbw to....sssssbbw, haha)
> 
> but i agree. depressing to me. I want to be honest, too.
> 
> ...



As an FA who has fantasies involving, say, women above 300lbs, up to annnnyyything my imagination can come up with D), I am with a wonderful woman who is in the lower 200s, _and I am 100% happy with that._

Now, I know what you're thinking..._"He wants her to gain, either secretly or not so secretly..."_ and I will say yes, in my little fantasies that would be awesome. In reality, my woman doesn't really care too much about her weight...she loves her body and all its curves and softness, which is all I can ask for and is everything I want in that regard. 

Now as I said, my fantasies are all about much lager ladies...so you're thinking that I can't get it up for her since she's not my "body type?"

HELLS NO

We've been together for two years, and let's just say...she _always_ has me standing at attention...:smitten:

I think it's all a matter of getting to know the person first, and the body second. I started talking to her online (via Xanga) after searching the site for people from my school. After a few days, I was...lovestruck...and so was she!...but being cautious/protective of ourselves we didn't really tell eachother until a month after we started dating. :doh: But anyways, once we starting hanging out in-person, I realized I had scored a very cute, squishy, and huggable girl...:wubu:

Enough rambling...the point is, love overrides "preferences" easily.


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## Jes (Nov 11, 2007)

The Orange Mage said:


> Enough rambling...the point is, love overrides "preferences" easily.



Probably not for everyone, actually.


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## ripley (Nov 12, 2007)

SSBBW are like jungle gyms; fun to play on but unwieldy to take out on the town.


I'm glad dedhart said what he did. It's something I suspected and it's nice to know I was right, even if it hurts. (I know that not all FAs feel like he does, and I'm thankful for that.) 

The dilemma that I find myself facing while looking for a partner, is that I want the man that is going to be kind about my limitations (and all the other things dedhart mentioned) but is not fetishizing my fat. I dunno. Feel like it's kind of a lose/lose situation for me.


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## ilovesecretb (Nov 12, 2007)

I know that size hurts. I'm one of the FAs who wants to share the burden of it. I'm not nieve (lol)


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## Ernest Nagel (Nov 12, 2007)

ripley said:


> The dilemma that I find myself facing while looking for a partner, is that I want the man that is going to be kind about my limitations (and all the other things dedhart mentioned) but is not fetishizing my fat. I dunno. Feel like it's kind of a lose/lose situation for me.



Is it really kindness to simply accept someone for who and how they are, Ripley? In my book that's just common decency; no extra credit. In the same basic human standard for respect and acceptance I think you also largely preclude the issue of being fetishized? JMO and I acknowledge I am speaking utterly without experience as a SSBBW but I try to look for women who are fundamentally decent human beings first and a lot of other issues seem to take care of themselves. For whatever happy reason a lot of BBW seem to meet that mark rather easily.


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## ripley (Nov 12, 2007)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Is it really kindness to simply accept someone for who and how they are, Ripley? In my book that's just common decency; no extra credit. *In the same basic human standard for respect and acceptance I think you also largely preclude the issue of being fetishized? *JMO and I acknowledge I am speaking utterly without experience as a SSBBW but I try to look for women who are fundamentally decent human beings first and a lot of other issues seem to take care of themselves. For whatever happy reason a lot of BBW seem to meet that mark rather easily.




I'm not saying extra credit, just...credit.  

I don't want to respond to the sentence I put in bold because I'm not sure I get what you mean. Elaborate?


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## Ernest Nagel (Nov 13, 2007)

ripley said:


> I'm not saying extra credit, just...credit.
> 
> I don't want to respond to the sentence I put in bold because I'm not sure I get what you mean. *Elaborate?*



"Is it really kindness to simply accept someone for who and how they are, Ripley? In my book that's just common decency; no extra credit. *In the same basic human standard for respect and acceptance I think you also largely preclude the issue of being fetishized? *"

Well as best I can say absent my usual verbose and overly-convoluted style, Good Guys don't fetishize! 

Speaking as a not especially evolved or sensitive guy, if we like women as more than sex objects anyone past early adolescence must have noticed they are ineffably complex beings. More simply, women are confusing as hell to most men. There are basically two way to relate to complexity; simplify it by reducing it to some lowest common denominator, generalization or label. Embrace the complexity, let it challenge you and compel you to examine yourself. Short answer/suggestion to find someone who sees more than a jungle gym. Look for guys with an abiding curiousity about their world or some aspect of it. Hope this helps?

And btw, yeah, in a world sometimes rather lacking in decency I suppose it does merit some credit.


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## JohnWylde (Nov 13, 2007)

ripley said:


> SSBBW are like jungle gyms; fun to play on but unwieldy to take out on the town.
> 
> 
> I'm glad dedhart said what he did. It's something I suspected and it's nice to know I was right, even if it hurts. (I know that not all FAs feel like he does, and I'm thankful for that.)
> ...



Oh Ripley you do seem to be in a negative mood about us poor FAs.
If a guy likes a skinny woman - a more common trait perhaps - no one to my knowledge say he must have a fetish for thin women. I just adore big soft curves and I find them so feminine - much more feminine than a thin woman.

I have had SSBBW friends and I think I am always sympathetic and understanding about limits. We all have our limitations both mental and physical and I wouldn't dream of letting those interfere with a loving relationship.

So don't assume one post identifies a majority feeling amongst all FAs. I know you qualified your post but the implicaton was there.

John W


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## ripley (Nov 13, 2007)

Thanks for the elaboration, Ernest. I getcha now.


John-

It seems that however I qualify things I say on dims, someone takes it however they want. I'm not sure what "implication" you think is there...that I'm negative about FAs? 

All I can say about that is while I have not had luck in love, some of my best friends are FAs. I may be pessimistic about my own chances of finding love, but I am not saying all FAs are bad; far from it. 

Don't know how I can explain any clearer.


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## RedVelvet (Nov 13, 2007)

JohnWylde said:


> Oh Ripley you do seem to be in a negative mood about us poor FAs.
> If a guy likes a skinny woman - a more common trait perhaps - no one to my knowledge say he must have a fetish for thin women. I just adore big soft curves and I find them so feminine - much more feminine than a thin woman.
> 
> I have had SSBBW friends and I think I am always sympathetic and understanding about limits. We all have our limitations both mental and physical and I wouldn't dream of letting those interfere with a loving relationship.
> ...




John...I promise you...neither Ripley nor I nor most of the women here think the majority are anything but like you.....curve loving men who adore and delight in the femininity of it.

Its funny...I had to come to DIMS to realize that there were other "types"....types that might be called stereotypes, but have some truth in them.....I have encountered here every stereotype listed....it gets wonky.. Possibly the exception to the rule...but when I meet my 10th (yes, 10th) ever so slightly bi-curious virgin FA.......on dims.........well..a pattern is seen...(and not that there is anything wrong with that...ahem..)



I used to think FA's were just..oh....inherently superior. Now I realize that they are just people like everyone else...and its just the ones I was meeting that were superior.


I'm spoilt.


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## JohnWylde (Nov 13, 2007)

Thank you for your comments Red.

After my chastisement by Ripley, I was wondering whether I dare post again lol.
Now were these plentiful bi-curious people FAs or FFAs?

Slightly more seriously I do feel sad when BBWs show signs of despair about finding love or worse - dislike their body.
Although, when I reflect on that, those are emotions we all share - fat or thin.
I spent half my life thinking I was too skinny - at 6'3'' I can still look almost skinny with a BMI of 25!

John W



RedVelvet said:


> John...I promise you...neither Ripley nor I nor most of the women here think the majority are anything but like you.....curve loving men who adore and delight in the femininity of it.
> 
> Its funny...I had to come to DIMS to realize that there were other "types"....types that might be called stereotypes, but have some truth in them.....I have encountered here every stereotype listed....it gets wonky.. Possibly the exception to the rule...but when I meet my 10th (yes, 10th) ever so slightly bi-curious virgin FA.......on dims.........well..a pattern is seen...(and not that there is anything wrong with that...ahem..)
> 
> ...


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## ripley (Nov 13, 2007)

That wasn't a chastisement, that was the velvet glove treatment, lol.


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## RedVelvet (Nov 13, 2007)

JohnWylde said:


> Slightly more seriously I do feel sad when BBWs show signs of despair about finding love or worse - dislike their body.
> Although, when I reflect on that, those are emotions we all share - fat or thin.
> I spent half my life thinking I was too skinny - at 6'3'' I can still look almost skinny with a BMI of 25!
> 
> John W




Tall is good.

Tall is ...really good.


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## RedVelvet (Nov 13, 2007)

JohnWylde said:


> Thank you for your comments Red.
> 
> After my chastisement by Ripley, I was wondering whether I dare post again lol.
> Now were these plentiful bi-curious people FAs or FFAs?
> ...




Male Bi curious....and yes.....it shouldn't be..but its different.


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## Fuzzy (Nov 13, 2007)

FAs are like lobsters. Sometimes, you find a really good one, and other times, they're really bad.


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## ripley (Nov 14, 2007)

Fuzzy, seeing that Dumbledore was gay, maybe you should change your user title? It might make people get the wrong idea about you.  not that there is anything wrong with that


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## Mishty (Nov 14, 2007)

ripley said:


> Fuzzy, seeing that Dumbledore was gay, maybe you should change your user title? It might make people get the wrong idea about you.  not that there is anything wrong with that



LMAO

I just shot coke zero out my nose!


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## JohnWylde (Nov 14, 2007)

I bet that tickled!
But at least you didn't get any sugar down your nose - just those awful diet drink chemicals instead.

John W





Missblueyedeath said:


> LMAO
> 
> I just shot coke zero out my nose!


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## JohnWylde (Nov 14, 2007)

mmmmmmmm Thank You Red - you just made my day!

and I have just realised that Red is rather appealing
and Red and BBW is very appealing.

John W




RedVelvet said:


> Tall is good.
> 
> Tall is ...really good.


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## JohnWylde (Nov 14, 2007)

or chastisement with a velvet glove perhaps?

I could get used to that lol.

I'm glad you do enjoy a friendly relationship with some FAs though - very reassuring!

John W



ripley said:


> That wasn't a chastisement, that was the velvet glove treatment, lol.


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## Lamia (Nov 16, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> Could it be possible you just didn't find this particular woman attractive? just because you are attracted to fat women doesn't mean you're going to be attracted to every fat woman. Maybe you just didn't find this particular woman attractive: Ugly wig, visible mustache, unkempt, she had a look of sheer misery to her that was a turnoff, etc.



Awesome post I was thinking the same thing when I was reading his post. Just because she was fat doesn't mean you are automatically going to dig her. Fantasy is a dangerous thing, especially online. I had more than one painful internet romance. I couldn't live up to the expectation and oddly enough it ended up my fault somehow. I even gave one guy all my measurements and he just must have been really bad with math. He was like "I didn't know you were this big". I wanted to punch him in the throat. 

I've seen really attractive well-groomed fat people and really gross ones. Just like any other type of person. Sometimes I look a hot mess. :blink: For me it's all about grooming. If someone has non traditional looks, but are well groomed they will be more attractive to me than some dirty cute guy.


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## Chimpi (Nov 17, 2007)

Ernest Nagel said:


> "Is it really kindness to simply accept someone for who and how they are, Ripley? In my book that's just common decency; no extra credit. *In the same basic human standard for respect and acceptance I think you also largely preclude the issue of being fetishized? *"
> 
> Well as best I can say absent my usual verbose and overly-convoluted style, Good Guys don't fetishize!



I believe I am a "good guy". I believe in being with a person, and not just a fat being (all though, the 'person' that I am with will most likely be fat, as is the person I am with). Women are extraordinarily confusing; as are men. Just like all other beings on the planet (even the criminals, the rapists, the beaters [not that either of those are not criminals], the "bad guys"), _all_ women have feelings, thoughts, and emotions. I realize that, and I _want_ (and have) that.
Good guys can, and do, "fetishize". I "fetishize" some times, and I believe that is healthy - healthy to meet certain criteria of happiness through an extra bonus in the relationship. The key is to learn to control that fetish, and either implement it into the relationship, or find some way of dealing with it inside that relationship. Hopefully, the partner that is being "fetishized" can enjoy, agree, or "deal" with it as it were. I am glad mine is all right with it.


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## Ernest Nagel (Nov 20, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> I believe I am a "good guy". I believe in being with a person, and not just a fat being (all though, the 'person' that I am with will most likely be fat, as is the person I am with). Women are extraordinarily confusing; as are men. Just like all other beings on the planet (even the criminals, the rapists, the beaters [not that either of those are not criminals], the "bad guys"), _all_ women have feelings, thoughts, and emotions. I realize that, and I _want_ (and have) that.
> Good guys can, and do, "fetishize". I "fetishize" some times, and I believe that is healthy - healthy to meet certain criteria of happiness through an extra bonus in the relationship. The key is to learn to control that fetish, and either implement it into the relationship, or find some way of dealing with it inside that relationship. Hopefully, the partner that is being "fetishized" can enjoy, agree, or "deal" with it as it were. I am glad mine is all right with it.



Okay, you don't need anyone's permission to consider yourself a "good guy" Chimpi and I don't want to compromise or disturb that notion, honestly. There is something I'd like you to consider though, and I offer this with only respect for what I perceive as your commitment to being a decent and honorable FA.

From Wikipedia (highlights added)

"Modern theory

Most of the sexual orientations popularly called fetishism are regarded as normal variations of human sexuality by psychologists and medical doctors. Even those orientations that are potential forms of fetishism are usually considered unobjectionable as long as all involved persons feel comfortable. Only if the diagnostic criteria presented in detail below are met, the medical diagnosis of fetishism is justified. The leading thought is that a fetishist is not ill because of his or her addiction but because he or she suffers from it."

Clearly you don't seem to be suffering any from your fetishizing, Chimpi, but in my book, and this is just me, mind you a good guy needs to be absolutely 100% clear about how his partner feels about being fetishized. Expecting her to "deal" with it as it were? For me, the white hat starts to pinch a bit there.

That your current partner is "all right" with it is fortunate and it's good that you're aware of that. What if she weren't? Just sayin'.


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