# FFAs: what are the intangible attractions of BHMs?



## butch (Apr 27, 2008)

Let me see if I can explain what I'm asking: For those of you (female and male admirers of the large male form) who are attracted to BHMs, are there things besides his size and his fat that you enjoy that seem somewhat specific to BHMs? 

Sometimes in some of the threads about what FAs like about BBW/SSBBWs, guys talk about characteristics/scenarios/personality types that they seem to either find more prevalent in BBWs, and/or that enhance their appreciation of BBWs. For example I think last summer there was a thread about how some FAs like what was described as the 'bossy princess type' of BBW.

Other times, some folks talk about D/S dynamics in FA/BBW relationships, or how some FA/BBW relationship seem to highlight and enhance certain 'traditional' ideas about male and female bodies and roles.

Do things like this come into play in your attraction/desire/pleasure for the BHM? I know there are certain characteristics that I personally apply to fat men that I find very appealling, and I'm not sure how to describe it, but in many ways Dan Connor from "Roseanne" fits the type I'm thinking of, with maybe a bit more good natured self deprecation thrown in.

I'd be curious to hear about what else besides his body makes a BHM such a hottie in ya'll's eyes.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Apr 28, 2008)

Ah yes, the "Dan Connor" appeal. Actually, I think that in general, I tend to think of a lot of the BHM I know in real life and on the boards as a variation of that type. Strong, but cuddly, gentle giants, reliable teddy bears, however you want to call it. I just tend to notice that a lot of them, the personality matches the body type. Solid, but with a certain softness or gentleness. Of course, not all BHM are that way and there are thin men with cuddly personalities, but overall, I think of that personality type when I think of BHM. Also, and I know this is a HUGE stereotype, but I DO find a lot of BHM have a really good sense of humor and are funny. So, yeah, they're pretty perfect in general in my opinion.:wubu:

And in terms of the greater sex appeal(besides the fact that I just prefer how a BHM looks in general), to me a lot of that has to do with a greater sensuality I associate with BHM. The word "indulgence" comes to mind.  OK, Dr. P must now go take a cold shower.......


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## CuriousKitten (Apr 28, 2008)

Great topic.

Obviously there is the great sex appeal because of their size but I also feel that their size affects their personality in a variety of ways. BHMs generally are more insecure or more inexperienced so I find that they tend to be far more appreciative of the attention you give them. Then because I feel more appreciated, I want to do more for them and it sort of goes in a cyclical cycle. I'm all for feminism and stuff but so often I find myself playing the role of the 1950s Wife. How else can I serve you honey? I find that I am less likely to be taken for granted, less likely to be cheated on, more likely to be paid attention to, and I feel safer and more secure in the arms of a BHM. Plus the rumor is true: fat men are better in bed.


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## user 23567 (Apr 28, 2008)

If I may...

Aside from being a sexy MF  I agree with Dr. P, alot of BHM have a great sense of humor. All of my previous girlfriends have all said that they were attrached to my wonderful sense of humor.


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## HDANGEL15 (Apr 28, 2008)

CuriousKitten said:


> Great topic.
> 
> Obviously there is the great sex appeal because of their size but I also feel that their size affects their personality in a variety of ways. BHMs generally are more insecure or more inexperienced so I find that they tend to be far more appreciative of the attention you give them. Then because I feel more appreciated, I want to do more for them and it sort of goes in a cyclical cycle. I'm all for feminism and stuff but so often I find myself playing the role of the 1950s Wife. How else can I serve you honey? I find that I am less likely to be taken for granted, less likely to be cheated on, more likely to be paid attention to, and I feel safer and more secure in the arms of a BHM. Plus the rumor is true: fat men are better in bed.



*COULDN"T agree much more to this....I love feeding, cooking, laundry for my BHM....he gives me so much physical attention its amazing....he is a little doubtful of my *ReAL ATTRACTION/FAITHFULNESS* to him...duly deserved by me...and I work that hard to let him know how sexy he is and how much I ENJOY HIM!!!!!!!!!*:smitten:



Dr. P Marshall said:


> Actually, I think that in general, I tend to think of a lot of the BHM I know in real life and on the boards as a variation of that type. Strong, but cuddly, gentle giants, reliable teddy bears, however you want to call it. I just tend to notice that a lot of them, the personality matches the body type. Solid, but with a certain softness or gentleness



*My first nickname for my new BHM is *GENTLE GIANT* at 6'5 and 400+ he is so tender and kind and gentle and affectionate with me..I have posted his pictrure b4..he looks like a huge menacing biker, but I have found walking in that world, the biggest most threatening looking men are the BIGGEST TEDDY BEARS< but don't let em know I let that huge secret out...THE BIGGER THEY ARE, the HARDER THEY FALL* :wubu:


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## user 23567 (Apr 28, 2008)

HDANGEL15 said:


> the biggest most threatening looking men are the BIGGEST TEDDY BEARS< but don't let em know I let that huge secret out...THE BIGGER THEY ARE, the HARDER THEY FALL[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B] :wubu:




You were not supposed to let that one out  People that don't know are so scared when they first meet me.


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## cammy (Apr 28, 2008)

I'm totally the 50's mom; I've even dressed like one for years and my BHM hubby says, "Yes, mom" when I get a bit overboard. I'm all about kichen detail and ironing those multiple X shirts. 

Sense of humor seems to be fairly constant, as does that cuddly way about them, all I've known have been patient, and when I smile at them, they always readily smile back. Thinner guys will say, "Hi" when they pass me in stores, etc., but never a BHM. Generalizations are well, general - and the exceptions are undoubtly many.


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## kittymahlberg (Jun 23, 2008)

'50s mom=Oh. My. Goodness. You're living my dream. *points to avatar*

That said, I love and appreciate so many personality types, I hardly know where to begin. My theme song could be the aria from Don Giovanni, in which Leporello describes all the varied types of women the famous playboy can love. The difference being that I'm no playgirl, just single and looking.

There's the stoic, intellectual, slightly detached scholar who reads in his office all day and expects his dinner on the table at 6:00 sharp. Not a jerk, just business-like, cultured, and a little imposing. It's nice for someone as confident and outgoing as I am to be playing second fiddle for once. 

Then there's the funny guy, always telling some crazy story about himself, his friends, or his family. He's very attractive, but a little dangerous for someone as faithful and jealous as I am. I don't like the fact that anyone else at the party can enjoy and appreciate his humor as much as I do!

Last, there is of course the sweet, cuddly teddy bear type. I've actually had the good fortune to have met one of these who is confident enough to flirt with small, cute girls. One of the most delightful moments of my life was the end of a long party, when he quite randomly came over and gave me a big, squishy hug and said how much he was going to miss me. :blush:


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## Smite (Jun 24, 2008)

Big ups for the 50's mom stuff also. And the avatar is great.

<3 art deco.


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## RentonBob (Jun 24, 2008)

It seems that a lot of us BHM's fit into the category that Dr. P and kitty descriibe. I have heard that a lot from my friends about myself. Its nice to know that the way a lot of us are is appreciated. But, don't let our secret out..... We gotta keep our tough guy images too.... LOL


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## escapist (Jun 24, 2008)

Yep "Strong, but cuddly, gentle giants, reliable teddy bears" thats to funny cause I just got that the other day. I very much have the rock'n roller look but after you talk to me for a few seconds its apparently obvious I can be categorized the same way. Actually hummm now that I think about, I don't think I scare anybody away for real; I seem to get hit on everywhere and just about anywhere; from supermarket lines to crossing the street (yeah that really happened).

I'm not helping the stereotype at all either, I'm pretty much a cuddle-slut. If your fun and there is any kind of vibe there at all I'm way to easy to cuddle with...geeezzzz you perv's


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jun 24, 2008)

escapist said:


> ...geeezzzz you perv's



Wait- you say that like it's a bad thing. I do not understand............


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## JiminOR (Jun 24, 2008)

Obviously it's cause we got a great rack!


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jun 24, 2008)

JiminOR said:


> Obviously it's cause we got a great rack!



Finally! Someone understands. (Although I'm more into butts myself.)


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## iheartsquishys (Jun 24, 2008)

I think for me it is much more carnal. I see a big guy and I automatically think of how strong he is and associate his size with power. Not only are they more attractive to look at but the abilities that come with having a body that big turns me on. Don't get me wrong I'm not big into getting slapped around but something about knowing they could gets me going. When a guy can pick me up or move me with little effort it makes me feel so protected, like he can take on the world for me. You could possibly say the same about a muscular guy but for me the size is a much more literal representation of power.


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## geniussupremacy (Jun 24, 2008)

I dunno, I find the Jack Black personality to be really appealing. But other than that, it's really all on the outside. Unless 'forbiddenness' is an intangible quality...


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## StarScream! (Jun 24, 2008)

One of the biggest reasonthe girls I know like my size is the fact they know they are protected with me, and like it has been said, I can really move them around however I want in bed :blush:

See I'm big and strong... 






Also, they seem to like to big soft body for snuggling, and hugging. I guess I'm also the "jolly" type, lol, I don't know. I'm always joking, and smiling. Of course I don't know if that has anything to do with my weight, but I know it is sometimes associated with us bigger guys.


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## escapist (Jun 25, 2008)

> I think for me it is much more carnal. I see a big guy and I automatically think of how strong he is and associate his size with power. Not only are they more attractive to look at but the abilities that come with having a body that big turns me on. Don't get me wrong I'm not big into getting slapped around but something about knowing they could gets me going. When a guy can pick me up or move me with little effort it makes me feel so protected, like he can take on the world for me. You could possibly say the same about a muscular guy but for me the size is a much more literal representation of power.



Yep heard that before too, today the woman cutting my hair was having a hard time, a very tiny Asian woman who gasped when she found out I was into small women. I told her twice I've had girlfriends who were all of 4'11, she replied "WoW, I'm 4'10" then she asked, "How tall are you Big Guy?"...she looked like she was going to pass out when I said 6'3". Then she admitted she had a thing for "Big Guys" which by this point I don't think she really had to admit lol. She was too cute and I had a lot of fun to flirt with her....oh yeah my point, she asked me if I just picked my little girlfriends up and kissed them? Well of course I do. Thats half the fun. Being able to pick them up and .... yeah kiss them lol.


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## fat hiker (Dec 18, 2008)

JiminOR said:


> Obviously it's cause we got a great rack!



LOL! 

Now, where have I heard this line before....


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## imfree (Dec 18, 2008)

Let me try......It's because we're spirited, have character,
and have a loving touch that penetrates to the soul.


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## Tad (Dec 18, 2008)

JiminOR said:


> Obviously it's cause we got a great rack!



*L* Maybe we need a cleavage thread on this board too?


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## Melian (Dec 18, 2008)

edx said:


> *L* Maybe we need a cleavage thread on this board too?



Oh jebus, yes.....I have a heart condition, but what the hell!

ETA: while this topic is back, I just thought of a quality. It may not be common to ALL BHMs, but in my experience, fatter guys don't try to drag me out to places I don't want to go. They don't propose cheesy dates to me, either.

I've had thin guys bothering me to go to friggin mini-putt, bowling, baseball games (I HATE baseball), and all sorts of other crap that I would never do in a million years. My fat bfs have wanted to stay at home and game (LOL...my favourite thing to do!!), go to metal shows, go to movies, lounge around on beaches, get drunk and hit the clubs, etc. *Infinitely* more fun.


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## Uriel (Dec 18, 2008)

Melian said:


> My fat bfs have wanted to stay at home and game (LOL...my favourite thing to do!!), go to metal shows, go to movies, lounge around on beaches, get drunk and hit the clubs, etc. *Infinitely* more fun.



I know you are taken and all, but you wouldn't have a clone perchance?

I met the last girl I was seeing regularly (She didn't like the GF term, strange, but lovely girl...and a fan of the belly, I now realize) at an Into Eternity/Kataklysm show.

I used to 'drag her' to shows (Our last show was me,2 other friends and said young lady driving down to LA for Emperor...Emperor!!! I also bought her those sexy Dimmu Borgir panties...man, I always wanted to have a girl in BM panties...Hehehe), as well as BBQ-Game day at out local game shop. I even got her to join a D&D game...she was a cat chick (Girls...).


-Uriel


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## Ichida (Dec 18, 2008)

Melian - i've started dating a gamer and he loves the fact that I dig his chub because he says "gamers are fat, we love bad food and we are more chilled out, so the fact that you are going to be ok with the inevitable is great!" One place he lets go, i mean really lets go, are on gaming nights...it's soooo hot it's hard not to screw the game and screw him instead!!

I love how the BHM i like are more chilled out, our interests coincide more. I LOVE confident bhm, its heart pounding. I love how they like to eat my cooking more than the average guy, and they are more appreciative of the food and my affection. I also find BHM are more into just sitting there and snuggling (and i can do it longer since i don't get bruised). I feel protected and safe and warm...and constantly excited LOL.


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## Melian (Dec 19, 2008)

Ichida said:


> Melian - i've started dating a gamer and he loves the fact that I dig his chub because he says "gamers are fat, we love bad food and we are more chilled out, so the fact that you are going to be ok with the inevitable is great!" One place he lets go, i mean really lets go, are on gaming nights...it's soooo hot it's hard not to screw the game and screw him instead!!




I know what you mean - we've settled into a cycle of coming home from work, I make dinner, we eat, one of us games (the other molests the gamer), roles reverse, and then sex ensues  Highly satisfying.

A bit off topic, but here's a favourite fat gamer story of mine: I used to date a bhm who LOVED D&D and played it bi-monthly with a group of his old highschool friends. He was a sexy, successful mech eng student...they were a bunch of scrawny, pathetic basement dwellers who had probably never even made conversation with a woman (nice enough guys and all, but wow, no social skills whatsoever).

I haven't played D&D in years, mostly because I don't have the time for the get-togethers or to develop a character, etc. I also liked being DM and REALLY don't have that kind of time. However, the ex and I had a weird sort of BDSM thing linked to gaming; I would end up being a "gaming slave," so to speak. Sooooo...one time, I joined him to his game, wearing what can best be described as a black, latex catsuit, on a leash, which he eventually tied to his belt as I sat in his lap while he gamed. 

The looks on those guys' faces were PRICELESS. The DM took a 15 min bathroom break and came back looking tired and ashamed. LOL.

(why am I sharing these things...??)


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## kinkykitten (Dec 19, 2008)

edx said:


> *L* Maybe we need a cleavage thread on this board too?



I'm in agreement! bring it on  lol


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## Tad (Dec 19, 2008)

Melian said:


> (why am I sharing these things...??)



I don't know, but great story......so naturally I need to spread rep around, yaddayaddayadda.

The guys that I grew up gaming with have all gone on to be very successful, but I certainly met some of the other kind as well--and usually got along with them well enough. The dividing line can be awfully thin sometimes, something to do with how your set priorities perhaps?


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## Ichida (Dec 19, 2008)

My new thing is Hackmaster (like D&D) with my man.

The other night he turned to me and said (offhand) "Hey babe, can you feed me some of those Lindt chocolates?"

I was like !!!!!!!! and had to try SOO hard not to ditch the group in the pit of fire giants and take him home to molest the crap outta him!! I fed it to him and it was only on about the third candy he actually LOOKED at my face and this HUGE grin split over his face and he leaned over and whispered "Sorry, I didnt' think" while breathing yummy chocolate smell on me.

Sooooo not fair!

I think another reason I like BHM better is the hugs - no matter how big or powerful a man is, NOTHING feels as good as being firmly nestled in the arms of a big fat man! It isn't just a physical thing, I also feel emotionally safe too!


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## AZ_Wolf (Dec 20, 2008)

A bit off the main topic, but in regards to a stereotyping of gamers I see developing here:

I was a major gamer in middle and high school and into part of college, and then I was slim and even (later on) a gym rat.

I only got fat many years after I stopped gaming. Not that I couldn't get into it again, but I could also get into a bunch of other things.


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## Uriel (Dec 20, 2008)

AZ_Wolf said:


> A bit off the main topic, but in regards to a stereotyping of gamers I see developing here:
> 
> I was a major gamer in middle and high school and into part of college, and then I was slim and even (later on) a gym rat.
> 
> I only got fat many years after I stopped gaming. Not that I couldn't get into it again, but I could also get into a bunch of other things.



About a quarter of the guys that I play games with (10-15 of us) are bigger guys. We don't eat just crappy food, however, as SF is full of awesome take out (There's a Popeye's chicken 2 blocks from the game store, but the next nearest 'fast food' is miles away). We BBQ out back in the Summer, and play board games during, and it draws people in to the store...the BBQ=Badass is my friend Owen, and Ladies..if big red haired Danish Vikings are your thing, he is it. I'll try to find a pic, we have taken some of him while he cooks, spinning the tongs like nunchucks, a beer casually held in his hand, a BHM lovers dream, I suppose.

I definitely fall into the funny joke/story telling mold mentioned above, as well as the bartender, guitarist, make your girlfriend nervous when you are around other girls slots (I have never cheated, however, though I have been cheated on... ) Anyways, I am perpetually single, and that's fine. 

Story (See, I told you): I carry in my pockets at all times...a guitar pick (Dunlop jazz III), a condom (Well...um, I play safe?) and dice (Used to be a 20-sided, but % dice these days).

Almost without fail, every weekend, while I am joking and flirting with the customers, someone will say 'Oh, so that's how you roll?' or some such. I smile and say 'Nope,', pulling my dice out and rolling them, 'THIS is how I roll...' They laugh at the 'nerd dice' and I whisper, 'And I'm fat, and I still get laid...' the move on sometimes, or keep flirting others. Some girls love it and ask 'CanI roll your dice?" I say 'Sure, if I can roll yours later?' The blushes are pretty frequent. I think there are more BHM Lovers out there every day, We are The Sex-ay!!!


-Uriel


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## Tad (Dec 22, 2008)

Ichida said:


> The other night he turned to me and said (offhand) "Hey babe, can you feed me some of those Lindt chocolates?"
> 
> I was like !!!!!!!! and had to try SOO hard not to ditch the group in the pit of fire giants and take him home to molest the crap outta him!! I fed it to him and it was only on about the third candy he actually LOOKED at my face and this HUGE grin split over his face and he leaned over and whispered "Sorry, I didnt' think" while breathing yummy chocolate smell on me.
> 
> Sooooo not fair!



I love that story! (would rep you if you hadn't been so rep-able previously)


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## Surlysomething (Dec 23, 2008)

Quite a few of the guys I went to high school with were hockey players and a few of them had the same shape. Stocky, strong, muscular. Handsome, Canadian boys. That's the start..

Then along came Dan Connor (Roseanne) and in my mind he was the pefect man. My Dad is a big guy too. I'm not sure if that factors into anything but aren't women looking for someone like their Dad?

I think it comes down to the appearance of strength to me. It's not the 'fat' i'm attracted to. 

Strength. And i'm a big girl myself so it's appealing to me to meet someone bigger and stronger than myself. It makes me feel more feminine.

I hope that makes a little sense.


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## chicken legs (Dec 24, 2008)

That is a tough question for me because I get so shy around bhms and ssbhms, hence the name chicken legs 

My two biggest loves and my first crush opened my eyes to bhms. So here are some of the character traits that penetrated my heart: 

1. Their need for cuddling or maybe they sensed my unknown need for cuddling

2. They anchored my wildness which was a nice change, but usually caused the breakup in the end

3. They have been more sensitive to how things taste and feel, where i am not to intouch with my tactile senses. I see food as fuel and not as something to enjoy.

4. They seem to have a inner calm 

5. When having sex..all the wobbles and jiggles channel through the penis like a tuning fork lol:eat2: which is totally addicting


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## escapist (Dec 24, 2008)

> 5. When having sex..all the wobbles and jiggles channel through the penis like a tuning fork lol which is totally addicting



Hummm Ok, thats a new one too me. I'm gonna have to ask for veryification that one....it could be the perfect reason to never go on a diet lol.


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## Uriel (Dec 24, 2008)

chicken legs said:


> 5. When having sex..all the wobbles and jiggles channel through the penis like a tuning fork lol:eat2: which is totally addicting



Did someone say Tuning Fork?  Oh, wrong thread. sorry...*Ahem*



-Uriel


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## William (Dec 24, 2008)

Hi CL

Your post is so sweet because you are not asking BHMs to be this or that or demanding that they have this or that quality. You are just showing your appreciation for their bodies and how being fat has shaped their personalities.

Have a Merry Christmas

William



chicken legs said:


> That is a tough question for me because I get so shy around bhms and ssbhms, hence the name chicken legs
> 
> My two biggest loves and my first crush opened my eyes to bhms. So here are some of the character traits that penetrated my heart:
> 
> ...


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## Esther (Dec 25, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> Quite a few of the guys I went to high school with were hockey players and a few of them had the same shape. Stocky, strong, muscular. Handsome, Canadian boys. That's the start..



I hear you on that one! The heavyset, powerful, ex-athlete, tuque-and-flannel wearing, beard-sporting Canadian boys are my weakness!

Pretty much everything I like about BHMs has already been said in this thread, but here's my contribution anyhow.

I like the imbalance in physical size and strength. Feeling (slightly) crushed while on the bottom in bed drives me wild. I am also strangely amused by idea that my loving, gentle man could probably snap my neck if he wanted to. (I'm sure it would be a less entertaining notion were I dating a violent man.)
I will agree that in my experience, bigger men are more chill. I'm not an athletic or coordinated person, so I don't tend to enjoy anything beyond dog-walking, bowling or leisurely hikes, so it's kinda nice that my man (being an ex-athlete who just let everything go:eat2 shares my love of more relaxed activities such as cooking together, video games and live music.


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## Esther (Dec 25, 2008)

imfree said:


> Let me try......It's because we're spirited, have character, and have a loving touch that penetrates to the soul.



Poetic! Haha.
But honestly, I do agree with this for the most part. I'm not going to paint everybody with one huge brush here and say that all BHMs are sensitive and all smaller men aren't, since that obviously isn't true. But one quality I have noticed to be prevalent among people of size in general, or even people who have been bigger at one point but aren't any longer, is a tendency to be more sensitive and empathetic toward other people. It might just be a quality derived from having struggled with their weight, or perhaps having been judged themselves.
But I guess this quality would be prevalent in anyone who has struggled with anything, or been judged for something at some point in their life.


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## persimmon (Dec 26, 2008)

It's nice having a partner who can empathize with you being insecure about, say, your appearance. The fat guys I've been with have understood. And I, conversely, know that I can't fix it all by saying "but _I_ think you're hot!"

Is heat intangible? I like having a furnace boy for my cold feets.

I like cooking, so I really enjoy making special things for The Boy, and I like watching him eat and enjoy. I like that the indulgence shows. It's like a signal to the world that I take care of him.

p


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## HDANGEL15 (Dec 26, 2008)

persimmon said:


> Is heat intangible? I like having a furnace boy for my cold feets.
> 
> 
> p



*Sleeping / Cuddling / Spooning with a FURNACE ROCKS * :smitten:


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