# If you are single, is it because you choose to be?



## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 21, 2006)

Firstly, I don't remember reading a thread that covers this subject. So I think it should be interesting reading any and all replies. 

* If you are single, are you happy being single? 

* However, if you're single, and want to hopefully meet someone to share your life, what are you doing to achieve that goal?

* Do you believe it's 'only' because of your size that you are still single?

* And why is it, some people continue to think we can only be truly happy if we are in a relationship?

I've been single for quite some time now, and yes, I'll admit there are times when I miss having someone in my life on a day to day basis. However, as I get older, I'm now finding it quite nice to have the house to myself. I do as I please, when I please, and do not have to answer to anyone else. 

I'm surprised at how many of my friends who now find themselves single, and in their mid forties to mid fifties, who have absolutely no intention of ever living with a partner again!

Is this the way of the future, a society of mostly single people?


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## RedHead (Feb 21, 2006)

What a great thread...I look forward to reading the responses.

BTW - it was worth a rep 4 u!


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## bigsexy920 (Feb 21, 2006)

I must admit I'm on the fence about it. Like you say I enjoy my freedom. However I worry at times that when and if I am ever in a relationship again will I be able to make the transition back to sharing and having open discussions as to what is going to happen and when. 

I also know that as Ive aged I have less tolerance for things and it makes it more difficult for me to actually put the effort into a budding relationship. 

I like thinking about those old relationships that ended up in the crapper but were so WONDERFUL when they began. I cant really express the feeling, but I hope everyone has felt it. I think its a mix between lust,love and moments of insanity, when you cant wait to see the person and when you do everything is muted except for them. Ok well Ive gone on too long about this. 

SOOO the answer is. I dont think I really WANT to be single. BUT my behavior causes me too, so maybe deep down I really DO want to be single. 

I think I need help LOL :doh:


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## Ivy (Feb 21, 2006)

I am single and I love it. I chose to be single. I just moved out on my own for the first time and am totally and completely being alone in a new city where no one knows me.. I don't need a boyfriend to tie me down right now! I'm dating around a bit and that's how I like it. It would take one hell of a man to even get me to thinking about getting involved in an exclusive relationship. 

I hope to someday find someone to be exclusive with for the rest of my life, but I'm not really working towards that right now. And if it never were to happen.. it wouldn't be the end of the world for me. .

As far as the whole needing to be in a relationship to be happy thing.. I really don't know. I have never understood that and probably never will. I can wanting someone specific in your life because that person really make you happy and feel great inside, but I can't understand needing them to be happy. Being happy is your own personal responsibility.. not your partners.


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## JoyJoy (Feb 21, 2006)

I've run the gamut of these feelings. When I divorced in '94, I was convinced I had to have a man in my life to be happy, but was also convinced no one would ever want me as I was....so I was quite UNhappy. In the 11+ years since that time, I've been in and out of relationships, have spent much time examining myself and those relationships, and have finally reached a point of being a satisfied single person. I don't *need* a man to complete my life...in fact, sometimes, I'm not sure I could give up my independence to share life with a man on a full-time basis. However...I have learned what I want in a man enough to know that if I were to meet someone who came very close to those desires, that I would happily do what it took to make a relationship work with him. My mantra on this is that I don't want a relationship just for the sake of being in one; I want a relationship that is a true blessing in my life. In other words, as I've heard several people say, "I'd rather be happy and alone, than be in an unhappy relationship."


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## LillyBBBW (Feb 21, 2006)

Yeah, what Ivy said. I'm almost 40 and have never been in a relationship. It's somewhat deliberate. Like everyone else I like companionship and have gotten along with some great men, but after a while I find that I start thinking, "Okay, when are you going home?" Call it selfishness if you like but I cherish my freedom.


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## moonvine (Feb 21, 2006)

Am I happy being single? I am single. I am happy (it is much better than being unhappy). I love my life, but it would be better with a partner (at least I think it would.

What am I doing to meet someone? What I am doing to actively meet someone is personal ads. Lots and lots and lots of personal ads, which rarely get responses. Thank God my self-esteem is not tied up in how many responses I get to my personal ads (or how much attention I get from men in general) or I'd be quite miserable. 

I also am involved in lots of stuff I enjoy, and some stuff I don't enjoy but have to do (like working). I go to school and do my cat rescue and go to Mensa events. The last time I met someone not on the Internet was in 1986, I think, though.

Absolutely I think it is because I am fat that I am still single. I've been thin (though I didn't realize it at the time) and I've been fat, and I got much more attention from men when I was thin. I find this odd because I have much better self-esteem now than I did when I was thin. Yes, there are men who like fat women, but unfortunately the numbers are not in my favor. I'll never completely give up hope though. 

I'm not sure why people think they can only be truly happy if they are in a relationship. Maybe because they aren't happy with themselves and need that external approval.


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## JoyJoy (Feb 21, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I'm not sure why people think they can only be truly happy if they are in a relationship. Maybe because they aren't happy with themselves and need that external approval.


 
That's a lot of it, but I believe it also has much to do with the fact that, as a society, it is instilled in us that we must find a suitable mate as a right of passage, and many people never even question that "ideal". Those who either never find their "mate" or experience unsucessful attempts are often left feeling incomplete and wondering what's wrong with them.


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## Jon Blaze (Feb 21, 2006)

The single life is ok to me.. I've haven't been far from it for very long periods in my life. Every once in a while it annoys me..... Like when those darn love songs being played while I'm at a party, and all the little couples start doing the tonsil hockey thing. It doesn't put me in tears though... Just a short state of being mildy depressed... 

But most of the time I'm just a calm person that can't live without someone right now. It would be great to have someone to be there, but it's not a priority. I've got plenty of time to wait.....

Besides the point.... Stress affects me more right now than my "romantic problems." My relievers (relaxing, sports, this board, chatting) drop my stress levels, in addition to the fact that i'm single, to the point where sometimes I forget about being single... Especially when I hit "Flow"........ 

As for the second question.... Right now I'm just focusing on doing ok in college, and eventually saving some money and possibly getting some stocks, for my future encounters with someone special... Just in case we start a family 


The size question... I'm 5'10... about 154... Most would say i'm a nice guy, but I've met just a handful of people that didn't like me for one reason or another, and it had nothing to do with my size...but a few times it has..... I still don't think my size has anything to do with it.


The final question... Not much to say except I think that most of us that even acknowledge relationships aren't really in the looking status, but more along the lines of being open to new people that could make potential lovers.
Great topic!!!!


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## Tragdor (Feb 21, 2006)

_Choice. The problem is choice._

okay now that I am done being geeky I will answer the question

1. I have mixed feelings about being single the lack of responsbity is great, but there is a nagging feeling of emptyness

2. There is a cute girl in my econ class that I have a crush on and I am trying to be friends with her and see where that leads. Not doing much else right now in the way of showing I am avaiable

3. I think my shyness has more to do with it then size I am chubby but some girls have told me they like that in me.

4. People like sex and the narrative of the soulmate and the white picket fence monogamous suburban lifesytle is powerful.


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## ripley (Feb 21, 2006)

I've never been not-single...I am not unhappy, but I would like to try the couple thing.


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## Ryan (Feb 22, 2006)

Tiger's_Lily said:


> * If you are single, are you happy being single?



Yes. I'm very happy.



Tiger's_Lily said:


> * However, if you're single, and want to hopefully meet someone to share your life, what are you doing to achieve that goal?



I wouldn't mind meeting the right woman, but I'm not really working at it. I'm not sure if my "right woman" even exists. 



Tiger's_Lily said:


> * Do you believe it's 'only' because of your size that you are still single?



Probably not. But this question is probably meant for BBW's and BHM's, and I have more of an average build.



Tiger's_Lily said:


> * And why is it, some people continue to think we can only be truly happy if we are in a relationship?



I don't know. Maybe the people saying this became happier once they met their spouse/significant other? It seems weird to believe that one can only be happy if he or she isn't single.


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## Totmacher (Feb 22, 2006)

1. Single, not happy.

2. Moping and whining loudly.

3. I don't think size has anything to do with it, though sometimes I tell myself it does if I need that extra bit of motivation.

4. Recapitualism

5. Probably


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## TomahWoman (Feb 22, 2006)

Yes, Ive wondered about that too. Have just given the man the flick, but miss him, even though we now have a more honest and open relationship. I am at an age where the clock is definitely running down anyway, and sometimes visualise myself taking my yellow robe and begging bowl and going around the world haha!
But for me, it has long been a case of not fearing to walk alone, like a cat!
You did well, girl.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 22, 2006)

TomahWoman said:


> You did well, girl.



I know!!!....  :bow:


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 22, 2006)

RedHead said:


> What a great thread...I look forward to reading the responses.
> 
> BTW - it was worth a rep 4 u!



Thanks Red! 

I've been thinking about posting this for some time. 

As I've already posted, I find it quite amazing just how many people, and not just women; have decided not to look for a partner to live out the rest of their lives. Seeing I live in Australia, I was wondering if the same was happening in other parts of this world of ours. 

I'm really enjoying reading all of the replies to this thread. 

Thanks to all!

Joá


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## JoyJoy (Feb 22, 2006)

Saying this might make me unpopular with some folks, but these thoughts have bothered me for some time, and I think this is an appropriate thread to bring it up. I say this with all the compassion in my heart, because I've seen people who, in my opinion, stab themselves in the foot all the time in the process of trying to meet Mr. or Ms. Right. I don't claim to be an expert on the subject, especially given the fact that I remain single, but my hope is that maybe someone will benefit from my experiences, so I hope these thoughts are taken in the nature they're intended. 

I know how hard it can be to be single and lonely, feeling like there is no one in the world who wants you. I've been there. However...I've been in the chat room and other places and watched people who wear their hearts on their sleeves and talk incessantly about how miserable they are, how they can't meet anyone, etc. People who take any opening they can find to mention their misery. Venting about it occasionally is healthy - in the right time and place. But, a person who can't talk about anything else is not going to attract anyone at all. If you present yourself as a desperate, needy, lonely person, then you very well might meet the *right* person, but send them running the other way in fear. Advertising the fact that you're lonely isn't going to make it end. Get out there, make friends, find ways to quell the lonliness...find another lonely person to talk to, even if they aren't the love of your life...and you never know what might happen in the process.


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## Jane (Feb 22, 2006)

Makes me think of the line in Broadcast News "Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If "needy" were a turn-on?"


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## Big_Belly_Lover (Feb 22, 2006)

I dont choose to be single, Id love to be someone! Ive not really had any kind of relationship with women, Im just shy and dont really have that much confidence also they dont really seem that interested in me. I guess I havnt met the right person yet! Id like to date around and Im kinda doing that although its mainly over the net lol. Id defo have a serious relationship with mrs right whoever that may be!!

Matthew.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 22, 2006)

Vince said:


> Ok Joa, you did the who is single thread, now show us your bod! If you are going to be superpopular around here with the blokes come out of the closet and show them your amazing body.



hahahaha.....Thanks but no thanks Vincey, I don't feel I need to do that! :kiss2: :kiss2: 
But good try, ol' son!..... 

BTW, the 'who's single' thread has already been done. 

I want to know the reason people 'stay' single?


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 22, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> SOOO the answer is. I dont think I really WANT to be single. BUT my behavior causes me too, so maybe deep down I really DO want to be single.



Now, are you sure?


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 22, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> but after a while I find that I start thinking, "Okay, when are you going home?"



hahahaha......Lilly, you've taken the words right out of my mouth!


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 22, 2006)

JoyJoy said:


> However...I've been in the chat room and other places and watched people who wear their hearts on their sleeves and talk incessantly about how miserable they are, how they can't meet anyone, etc. People who take any opening they can find to mention their misery. Venting about it occasionally is healthy - in the right time and place. But, a person who can't talk about anything else is not going to attract anyone at all. If you present yourself as a desperate, needy, lonely person, then you very well might meet the *right* person, but send them running the other way in fear. Advertising the fact that you're lonely isn't going to make it end. Get out there, make friends, find ways to quell the lonliness...find another lonely person to talk to, even if they aren't the love of your life...and you never know what might happen in the process.



Excellently put JoyJoy! I totally agree!!


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## OnAnotherPlanet (Feb 22, 2006)

I'm currently single, and I think it kinda sucks. I kinda think it's because my outlook on women and such was skewed by a relationship gone hellaciously wrong (anyone who knows me from the chat knows what I mean), and it's damaged my ability to seek out women I'd like. Paranoia, perhaps?

As for size, I'm working on losing weight, but that's for my own personal reasons (i.e. thinking I'd look damn good if I got lean), and not for the sake of attracting random women.

Oddly enough, after my most recent break-up, all I've wanted was casual hook-ups (call it spite), but now that the opprtunity has presented itself, I'm having second thoughts like mad...


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## bigsexy920 (Feb 22, 2006)

Tiger's_Lily said:


> Now, are you sure?





Clearly the answer would be I think so :doh:


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## bigsexy920 (Feb 22, 2006)

Something my mom said to me once. 

She asked me when I was feeling sad over a break up. She said Bernadette, Why to try to attain unattainable men. She hit the nail SO on the head. I always seem to be attracted to men that are not interested or not available for what ever reason. And Joy you are right. I guess I need to get out there and try to meet people Im pretty sure the "right" guy isnt going to fall out of the sky and in to my kitchen.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 22, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> Clearly the answer would be I think so :doh:





hahaha.....how funny!!  

Just a wild guess, bigsexy, you've never been asked to be on a jury?  

Joá


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## RedHead (Feb 22, 2006)

Joa,

I read with interest every single post...and I believe it was JoyJoy who really brought it home.

I didn't marry until I was 33 (first time) I had been single, not looking BBW and happy, content. I really thought that I would never marry...but it's funny just as soon as I was content and happy about and with me and my circumstances...along came my ex. Now the marriage ended 6 years later...but to be honest it was the same attitude with myself when I met my second and current husband (Tom Selleck)...knowing who I was and happy with who I was.

Thanks to ALL of you who shared


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## OriginalCyn (Feb 22, 2006)

...I am one of those folks who is only minimally-social, and I enjoy my "alone time." 

I also have little toleration for the "typical" male ego, and I hate compromising when it's all about someone's sense of self and pride and not about what's best or most-practical for me or for us as a couple.

One thing that might be better if I were living with someone though, is that I'd feel that I HAD to raise my living standards, out of consideration for the other person. I feel that I've let my home environment go downhill too much, because it's "only" me and my cat living there.


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## toni (Feb 22, 2006)

Tiger's_Lily said:


> * If you are single, are you happy being single?




This is the first time in a long time that I am totally single, I usually had fall backs, right now I am taking it slow. I am not happy with being single, I get super lonely, however I just do not have it in me to date right now. I try but when I get up to bat, I choke. I feel like its a great idea but there is something inside me that just does not want to be bothered. Spring time is coming, maybe I will bounce back then. :wubu: 


Tiger's_Lily said:


> * However, if you're single, and want to hopefully meet someone to share your life, what are you doing to achieve that goal?




I date, go out, you know, all the normal stuff.



Tiger's_Lily said:


> * Do you believe it's 'only' because of your size that you are still single?




NO, I am very demanding in every relationship, it takes a trooper to deal with me. I feel this is one of the reasons I am single and it is makeing me HIGHLY SELECTIVE at the present time.



Tiger's_Lily said:


> * And why is it, some people continue to think we can only be truly happy if we are in a relationship?


Its nice to be in a relationship, having someone to care about you, it's hard to "walk alone".


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## JerseyBigBoy (Feb 22, 2006)

A tricky aspect to being single for a long time is that you get used to living alone. When you are dating someone who stays overnight it's difficult to get a good night's sleep because you are used to sleeping alone. Sometimes is just seems more comfortable to be alone because you are used to it and you're not afraid of solitude. So, I guess I do choose to be single and live alone.


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## toni (Feb 22, 2006)

Jerseyboy...ITS SO NICE SLEEPING NEXT TO SOMEONE...thats what I miss the most! LOL


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## Thrifty McGriff (Feb 22, 2006)

Being young, naive and so on, I have never had a relationship before (poor self esteem, confidence, etc., though they are all gradually improving) so I've never been stung by a partner yet and therefore have no real reason to have any negative disposition towards a relationship. I really do enjoy solitude but, perhaps because my hormones are very active (I'm 20) I really want a relationship and am also in need of sex (I hate saying that ). However I don't just want sex per se, I want it to be with "someone special". I'm hoping against hope that I don't have to go through dozens of partners to find "the right one" for me. But seeing as I have a bitter, cynical, pessimistic side, I'm sure if and when I get stung in the relationship world my opinion will change.

When think about what a relationship stands for... Well, to me a meaningful relationship seems like it would be a very special thing. To have someone to share every aspect of yourself with and vice cersa... You know what I'm talking about. I think I'm a bit of a romantic. 

For now, I'm single (always have been) and I REALLY want to change that.


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## Zoom (Feb 22, 2006)

* If you are single, are you happy being single? *Definitely not!*

* However, if you're single, and want to hopefully meet someone to share your life, what are you doing to achieve that goal? *At the moment there is almost nothing I can do, being tremendously pathetic with everything. At the moment I rely on God to get me through each day. I have no car, and I have a lousy job that barely supports me (so having a wife/family is out of the question at present).*

* Do you believe it's 'only' because of your size that you are still single? *No, it's probably my job, lack of car and a few other quirks.*

* And why is it, some people continue to think we can only be truly happy if we are in a relationship? *No relationship = extreme loneliness.*

* Is this the way of the future, a society of mostly single people? [/b]It _better_ not be.[/b]


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## TomahWoman (Feb 23, 2006)

RedHead said:


> Joa,
> 
> 
> I didn't marry until I was 33 (first time) I had been single, not looking BBW and happy, content. I really thought that I would never marry...but it's funny just as soon as I was content and happy about and with me and my circumstances...along came my ex.
> ...


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## JerseyBigBoy (Feb 23, 2006)

toni said:


> Jerseyboy...ITS SO NICE SLEEPING NEXT TO SOMEONE...thats what I miss the most! LOL



You're right, except I would roll over in the middle of the night and take up most of the bed. Sometimes she would push me to wake me up and make me move to my side. This was awhile ago, we broke up in the summer, but I'd feel that I could only sleep in one small part of the bed. It felt like I was sleeping on an ironing board. It takes awhile to get comfortable sleeping with someone and being aware that someone else is in your bed. Overall, I do like living alone--for the most part--but if I found the right woman then that would be over in an instant.


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## Jane (Feb 23, 2006)

I prefer to be with a man in a loving relationship.

When you see one lying around, bundle it up and send it my way. Otherwise, I'm adapting, happy with myself, self-sufficient yet open.

Actually, I'm having a great time.


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## JoyJoy (Feb 23, 2006)

Thrifty McGriff said:


> I really do enjoy solitude but, perhaps because my hormones are very active (I'm 20) I really want a relationship and am also in need of sex (I hate saying that ). However I don't just want sex per se, I want it to be with "someone special".


Don't be afraid to admit that you want or need sex...there's nothing wrong with that at all. Most people feel the same way. It seems like you have the right attitude though, in that you're not just looking for it wherever you can get it. Keep that attitude.




Thrifty McGriff said:


> I'm hoping against hope that I don't have to go through dozens of partners to find "the right one" for me. But seeing as I have a bitter, cynical, pessimistic side, I'm sure if and when I get stung in the relationship world my opinion will change.


I can totally understand what you're saying here, but I hope you'll consider advice from an old lady. Finding the right partner is a process. Being involved with a person, only to find out later that they weren't the "right" person, is part of that process, normally. It's not very often that anyone meets someone they're totally compatible with the first or second time out. If you go into a relationship with the thinking that it might not last forever, but that you'll enjoy the time you spend sharing life with that person, encourage honesty and communication, and be open to learning the lessons the relationship brings with it, then *if* it ends, it will likely be a bit easier to move on. You'll be left with a lot of good memories, some pain for what was lost, and some good life lessons to take with you into the next relationship. Hopefully, along the way, you will meet someone with whom you are compatible and can build a long life with...but you've got to encounter different types of people in order to be able to recognize that person when she comes along. I wish you lots of good luck, and little pain and cyncism in your journey.


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## Jes (Feb 23, 2006)

Thass what dating IS. Getting to know someone a bit to decide if you want to have a longer-term thing. I get in over my head when I think I'm making some promise vis a vis dating and that's not really accurate.


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## UberAris (Feb 23, 2006)

Being Single has its perks and its downfalls for me. On one hand, I have no commitment, so I am free to flirt around a bit. I don't have to worry when XXXXXXXXX dosen't call on such and such night. And due to the lack of commitment, I can pretty much go places on a whim. But in all honesty, I enjoy the commitment. I like a bit of romance in my life, its a good feeling! Its fun to have someone you can be close to and trust enough to tell, or talk about anything with. But I would like to get back into a relationship again.


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## GeorgeNL (Feb 23, 2006)

I wonder if any of us really chooses? Except for Cyn, none of us really rejects the possibility of a mate. Though I think most of us are a little passive.

I must admit, I am very passive and even a little scared. Deep in my heard, I do have dreams though. Growing up as a true nerd, my social skills have always been very poor. It is just the last few years that my social behavior has become more "normal". Though if I ever would find a mate, she got to be really patient with me, as I still need to learn a lot.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 23, 2006)

GeorgeNL said:


> I wonder if any of us really chooses? Except for Cyn, none of us really rejects the possibility of a mate. Though I think most of us are a little passive.
> 
> I must admit, I am very passive and even a little scared. Deep in my heard, I do have dreams though. Growing up as a true nerd, my social skills have always been very poor. It is just the last few years that my social behavior has become more "normal". Though if I ever would find a mate, she got to be really patient with me, as I still need to learn a lot.




So good to see you posting again George... 

You'll find that special lady one day George and when you do, you'll both learn from each other. 

Cheers

Joá


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## Angel (Feb 23, 2006)

GeorgeNL said:


> I wonder if any of us really chooses? Except for Cyn, none of us really rejects the possibility of a mate. Though I think most of us are a little passive.
> 
> I must admit, I am very passive and even a little scared. Deep in my heard, I do have dreams though. Growing up as a true nerd, my social skills have always been very poor. It is just the last few years that my social behavior has become more "normal". Though if I ever would find a mate, she got to be really patient with me, as I still need to learn a lot.




George,

One day you may find a very lovely and soft lady in your arms. If she truly cares about you, she will be both understanding and very patient with you. In her arms you will feel all your fears melt away. The dreams that are in your heart, may one day become a reality. Don't give up on those dreams. Remember, patience is a virtue. Anyone worthy of being in your arms or in your heart is indeed worth waiting for.

Didn't I once tell you that some women prefer intelligent nerds? That was a long time ago! *giggles* Did you ever see the movie 'Revenge of the Nerds'?
I haven't watched it in quite some time, so I may get this wrong. There was a sorority called the 'Moos" or 'Mega Moos'. It was made up of chubby girls, fat girls, extremely tall girls, intelligent, and geeky girls. Guess which sorority the nerdy guys got along with and had the most fun with?  :wubu: 

Now I have that image stuck in my mind where the little guy is dancing with his face smashed between that tall girls boobs! *giggles*


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## Ladyrose1952 (Feb 23, 2006)

I have been divorced and single for a long time now because of my own choosing.

 I have been busy taking care of my family and just never took the time to go out looking for another partner. 

 Now that I only have the last child living with me and she is soon to be 14 years old, I have begun to search for my perfect *LOVER*, *Partner*, *Companion* and *Soulmate*.

 The choices of men around here just aren't to good for a BBW because there just aren't many that like a big woman. I have had offers, but not the kind of offers that I wish to elaborate on _(if you know what I mean....)_.

 Anyway, most of the men here in my area are either already married, drunks, drug users or like ticks and want to live off of a woman and just not my cup of tea. I wouldn't mind sharing my finances with a good man but I don't wish to be the soul supporter of the household. Heck, out of all these years of being on my own and having to take care of everything myself, I would love for a good man to partly take care of me for a change... * *

 Anyway, I would love to find a good man now and make him my priority and my confidant. 

 I know that since I have opened up here and shown that I am a *BBW,* *Proud* of it and that I am no longer trying to hide that fact, I can relax and be the real me so I will have a better chance at *LOVE* because I have nothing in the world to hide now. I am a *Beautiful BBW* and want to world to know it! *LOL*


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 23, 2006)

GeorgeNL said:


> Growing up as a true nerd, my social skills have always been very poor.



One more thing, and as I've said before, many times.... .....George you are an extremely good looking young man and highly intelligent to boot; that's why, I CAN NOT understand, why the girls in The Netherlands aren't all fighting over you at this very moment!!......well maybe not this VERY moment as you're most probably curled up in your bed... 

And BTW.....you are most definately, not, a nerd!


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## AnnMarie (Feb 23, 2006)

UberAris said:


> Being Single has its perks and its downfalls for me. On one hand, I have no commitment, so I am free to flirt around a bit. I don't have to worry when XXXXXXXXX dosen't call on such and such night. And due to the lack of commitment, I can pretty much go places on a whim. But in all honesty, I enjoy the commitment. I like a bit of romance in my life, its a good feeling! Its fun to have someone you can be close to and trust enough to tell, or talk about anything with. But I would like to get back into a relationship again.



I think that about sums it up for me, too. I am fine on my own, have a routine, friends, schedule, all that jazz. I'm happy, content, self-sufficient - but it's fun having someone that adds to all that, so eventually that's certainly what I want. 

And no, I don't think my size has anything to do with me being single. I know lots of single people, and they come in all shapes and sizes and personalities. It's not a size issue in my mind at all.


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## Ryan (Feb 23, 2006)

toni said:


> NO, I am very demanding in every relationship, it takes a trooper to deal with me. I feel this is one of the reasons I am single and it is makeing me HIGHLY SELECTIVE at the present time.



Being demanding isn't necessarily a bad thing. It depends on what you are being demanding about. 

Examples, please.


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## Ryan (Feb 23, 2006)

GeorgeNL said:


> I wonder if any of us really chooses? Except for Cyn, none of us really rejects the possibility of a mate.



I agree. I think if myself as _sort of_ single by choice. If I met the right woman, I wouldn't hesitate to ask her out. But I'm not so determined to be in a relationship that I would get involved with a woman who wasn't right for me.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 23, 2006)

Vince said:


> I have to jump in here and try to help my partner-challenged mate, George.




One of these days mister.....one of these days!!!


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## Vince (Feb 23, 2006)

That will teach you to defend me on this forum, huh? :smitten:


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## Angel (Feb 23, 2006)

Poor Vince. Can't stand it, can you? lol

*NO* male here needs *your* help.

Mind your own business for once.

One more thing. If you are going to quote me, do not try to misquote me.


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## collegeguy2514 (Feb 24, 2006)

im single, i hate it.


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## UberAris (Feb 24, 2006)

yeah single life can blow pretty hard sometimes... especialy when it seems to get rubbed in by your room mate, who is constantly makeing out with his gf every day right across the room on his bed... :doh: its a... _Plesant _reminder of lonlyness


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 24, 2006)

UberAris said:


> yeah single life can blow pretty hard sometimes... especialy when it seems to get rubbed in by your room mate, who is constantly makeing out with his gf every day right across the room on his bed... :doh: its a... _Plesant _reminder of lonlyness



UberAris, you are a good looking young man! I'll be very surprised if you aren't snaped up by one of the lovely young ladies from this board. Then you won't be the only one making out.... 

You are a perfect example of why all the single guys and girls/ladies should have their photo posted.

Good luck!!


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## moonvine (Feb 24, 2006)

Tiger's_Lily said:


> UberAris, you are a good looking young man



He is indeed hot. :smitten:


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## BBW_SEEKRNJ (Feb 24, 2006)

I am not sure that what I want exists, so that is why I feel I am single. I like the freedom, but hate the loneliness of it. What I want is, well just read my past posts and you'll know what I mean. Finding someone comfortable enough with their own looks who will allow them to be physical with you is no easy task. So, as I have said, I am single due to what I want not existing. Wireless isnt only good for internet connections as far as I'm concerned. Ok, I'm off. Take care folks.


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## HappyFatChick (Feb 24, 2006)

I am single (never married) by choice.
I love men. I just don't want to marry one.
I have no desire for children.

I adore my life. I am living my dream.
Had I been married with children, I could not be where I am today.

I think today's woman doesn't "need" a man. She "wants" one.
There is a big difference.


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## Jane (Feb 24, 2006)

HappyFatChick said:


> I am single (never married) by choice.
> I love men. I just don't want to marry one.
> I have no desire for children.
> 
> ...


Ann Landers said YEARS ago that you don't marry someone you can live with. You marry the one you cannot live without.

I believe that later, she was divorced.


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## ianardo (Feb 24, 2006)

Am I happy single? No, but... I long for company and cuddles, but I heard a rumour that there can be a down-side to relationships! I prefer to be moderately happy and single, rather than be in an unhappy relationship.

What am I doing to find that elusive soulmate? Probably not enough. I'm a shy guy - and I don't mean the sort of shy many folk talk about, I mean 'proper' shy! I also dislike the traditional social settings of pubs etc. I also work on my own which doesn't help and have few relatives. The phrase "you should get out more" was written for me  

The internet has been a big help in getting to know ladies, and also giving them the chance to find out about the real me - which in real life situations tends to be obscurred by the shy exterior. On the down-side, the online personals have shown that my appearance doesn't match what many ladies (in the UK at least) are seeking.

Is it only my size that keeps me single? No, but being thin puts off quite a few potential lady friends.

As for true happiness, I think if one can find a close meeting of minds in a partnership, then it is good to have emotional support (and to give it) to help each other through difficult times. The cuddles are nice too  

Ian


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## rainyday (Feb 24, 2006)

Just interrupting the thread to say:
Hey my friend. Glad you returned to the fold 

Okay, carry on all.


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## UberAris (Feb 24, 2006)

haha! Thanks ladies, your too kind *blushes a bit*


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## LillyBBBW (Feb 24, 2006)

UberAris said:


> yeah single life can blow pretty hard sometimes... especialy when it seems to get rubbed in by your room mate, who is constantly makeing out with his gf every day right across the room on his bed... :doh: its a... _Plesant _reminder of lonlyness



Valentine's day, EVERYBODY got flowers but me. Even my grouchy boss got flowers. I'm usually super okay with being single but that was a really bad day. A guy I decided to end things with sent me a nasty card basically saying, "How does it feel to be alone on Valentine's day?" Piece of crap.


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## moonvine (Feb 24, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> Valentine's day, EVERYBODY got flowers but me. Even my grouchy boss got flowers. I'm usually super okay with being single but that was a really bad day. A guy I decided to end things with sent me a nasty card basically saying, "How does it feel to be alone on Valentine's day?" Piece of crap.



Oh my goodness, that is terrible. I'm so sad it happened to you.


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## Carrie (Feb 24, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> Valentine's day, EVERYBODY got flowers but me. Even my grouchy boss got flowers. I'm usually super okay with being single but that was a really bad day.



But none of them got a homemade Valentine card from me, sweetpea. 

P.S. You realize that some of them almost certainly sent their own flowers, right?


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## missaf (Feb 24, 2006)

Single, getting used to it. 

I always seem to be "one of the guys" when it comes to male friends. Every relationship I've ever been in puts me in the position to being friend, confidant, pal, and buddy to do things with. As that connection with soul and mind occurs with guys (who learn to love by doing things with women), sometimes it leads to an intimate physical connection, but it's usually not long lasted as they find a sex icon and move on.


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## Jane (Feb 24, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> Valentine's day, EVERYBODY got flowers but me. Even my grouchy boss got flowers. I'm usually super okay with being single but that was a really bad day. A guy I decided to end things with sent me a nasty card basically saying, "How does it feel to be alone on Valentine's day?" Piece of crap.


I have faith you wrote him back and said, "Better than being with a rat."


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## Jes (Feb 24, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> Valentine's day, EVERYBODY got flowers but me. Even my grouchy boss got flowers. I'm usually super okay with being single but that was a really bad day. A guy I decided to end things with sent me a nasty card basically saying, "How does it feel to be alone on Valentine's day?" Piece of crap.



Ok, that's when you send a turd in a box to his door, like in Pink Flamingos.


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## LillyBBBW (Feb 24, 2006)

Jes said:


> Ok, that's when you send a turd in a box to his door, like in Pink Flamingos.



Eh, waste of a good turd - not to mention the box and stamps. Let him stew in his own bitterness. It's merely a shade of the reason why he's no longer my problem.


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## UberAris (Feb 24, 2006)

thats probaly the best corse of action, let him just go.... besides... stamps are expensive these days!


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## SoVerySoft (Feb 24, 2006)

ianardo said:


> Am I happy single? No, but... I long for company and cuddles, but I heard a rumour that there can be a down-side to relationships! I prefer to be moderately happy and single, rather than be in an unhappy relationship.
> 
> What am I doing to find that elusive soulmate? Probably not enough. I'm a shy guy - and I don't mean the sort of shy many folk talk about, I mean 'proper' shy! I also dislike the traditional social settings of pubs etc. I also work on my own which doesn't help and have few relatives. The phrase "you should get out more" was written for me
> 
> ...



Glad to see you here, Ian!! Welcome! And that's a great first post. I know I speak for most of the ladies here when I say we'd love to give you hugs and cuddles! I know I owe you some for the great drawing you did of me!!


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 25, 2006)

SoVerySoft said:
 

> Glad to see you here, Ian!! Welcome! And that's a great first post. I know I speak for most of the ladies here when I say we'd love to give you hugs and cuddles! I know I owe you some for the great drawing you did of me!!



Drawing, you said drawing?..........you can't say that and not post a photo of it.....please!


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 25, 2006)

In the past three weeks, three elderly people have been found dead in their apartments in Sydney. They all lived alone, and they had all died months before. What a sad state of affairs it is, when someone can die and noone notices for ages that, that person hasn't been around! 

It's actually been on my mind for quite a long time; about something happening to me and noone finding me for days. I've even told my boss if I don't turn up for work one day, she's to maybe call my son or the police. After talking to her, I've felt a little easier. 

I suppose that's one of the sader aspects of living alone.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 25, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> Valentine's day, EVERYBODY got flowers but me. Even my grouchy boss got flowers. I'm usually super okay with being single but that was a really bad day. A guy I decided to end things with sent me a nasty card basically saying, "How does it feel to be alone on Valentine's day?" Piece of crap.



Well Lilly, all I can say is, you are better off without him anyway!! 

Cheers

Joá


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## Ladyrose1952 (Feb 25, 2006)

*I am single, I don't like it and I am going to go bonkers if I spend another year alone..... LOL *

* I have came to the conclusion that noone is going to find me unless I show that I am available and stop hiding behind closed doors. I have opened that door and I am ready to let that special man it. Now is I can just pass out the right bait, I will have it made. LOL*  :smitten: :wubu:


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 25, 2006)

I'd rather want something I don't have than have something I don't want. I just haven't met anyone worth being with.


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## SoVerySoft (Feb 25, 2006)

Tiger's_Lily said:


> Drawing, you said drawing?..........you can't say that and not post a photo of it.....please!



Hope he doesn't mind...but here is the drawing:

View attachment Randi3a.JPG​
And here is his fabulous site: Ianardo's BBW Art Gallery Scroll down and you'll see LOTS of gorgeous drawings. You'll recognize many of the women.

Ian, you rock!


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 25, 2006)

SoVerySoft said:


> Hope he doesn't mind...but here is the drawing:
> 
> And here is his fabulous site: Scroll down and you'll see LOTS of gorgeous drawings. You'll recognize many of the women.
> 
> Ian, you rock!



Ian, those drawings are absolutely stunning! You have captured the very essence of what is beautiful of the larger female form.

SoVerySoft how lucky are you, to have your very own drawing from this talented artist? Also, thank you for posting that link, I've already added it to my favorites list..... 

Ian, am I correct in saying the medium you use, is soft pastels? I just love pastels!


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## MisticalMisty (Feb 25, 2006)

I've held off posting a reply to this thread because I've been down in the dumps the last few weeks....or months if you complete and total honesty.

Anyone that knows me..knows I hate being single. I hate it with a passion. I don't need a man to complete my life, but I definitely want one.

Everyone has goals and hopes and dreams and one of mine is to be a wife and a mother. I can be a mom alone, but I don't my kids to be like me and grow up without knowing their dad and then finally meeting him at 24.

I feel like I have my professional life taken care of and it's time to focus on my personal life. I've got a great teaching job. I'll graduate in May with my Masters degree. I'm currently house hunting so I can get back on my own. I'm very independent and I'm not looking for a man to take care of my financially. I need the intimacy and the love that a relationship offers.

I'm a member of almost every bbw dating site known to man..15 at my last count..I'm even a member of a few that don't cater to bbw's. I have all my friends, family and coworkers on the lookout. I pray several times a day for God to bring a special person into my life..I'm devoted to this..that's for sure.

So, I try to continue to keep the faith..knowing that I'm a very beautiful, successful and loving woman who deserves a wonderful man. I hold on to hope..knowing he'll come into my life sooner or later..hopefully sooner...


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## Ivy (Feb 25, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I've held off posting a reply to this thread because I've been down in the dumps the last few weeks....or months if you complete and total honesty.
> 
> Anyone that knows me..knows I hate being single. I hate it with a passion. I don't need a man to complete my life, but I definitely want one.
> 
> ...



girl! quit looking so hard. everytime i've been out looking for a boyfriend, i find nothing and get all depressed about it. as soon as i stop, it's like a man buffet.


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## MisticalMisty (Feb 25, 2006)

Ivy said:


> girl! quit looking so hard. everytime i've been out looking for a boyfriend, i find nothing and get all depressed about it. as soon as i stop, it's like a man buffet.



no offense..but that's the biggest damn cliche on the planet and it's definitely not true, at least not all the time..I'm sure it's worked for some..I stopped looking for almost a year and still nothing. 

The looking doesn't depress me..it's knowing a total of 18..yep..now 18 people who are either prego or have had kids in the last 6 months. THAT'S what depresses me


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## Ivy (Feb 25, 2006)

Jes said:


> Ok, that's when you send a turd in a box to his door, like in Pink Flamingos.



"GOOD GOD ALMIGHTLY SOMEONE HAS SENT ME A BOWEL MOVEMENT!"
"A TURD! A TURD! OH GOD A TURD!"
"THIS IS A DIRECT ATTACK ON MY DIVINITY!!!"
"NO ONE SENDS MY MOMMA A TURD AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!"

i love that movie more than sex.
well, almost.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 25, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I've held off posting a reply to this thread because I've been down in the dumps the last few weeks....or months if you complete and total honesty.
> 
> Anyone that knows me..knows I hate being single. I hate it with a passion. I don't need a man to complete my life, but I definitely want one.



Misty, That is probably the saddest post I've read in a long time... 

By the sound of it, you are a very successful, intelligent young woman with a huge amount of love to offer someone. 

Now to be brutally honest, I would hate to be the size I am at your age. I was a hell of a lot smaller way back then. Small enough, *however, I've never been an average sized person*, that meeting guys wasn't difficult at all. For any SSBBW, it means searching smarter, not neccessarily harder. Maybe if you have any spare time, and have a hobby or interest, joining clubs is definitely one way of meeting others. Now I know joining clubs isn't for everyone, me included, but I do know of others who have meet their 'better half' in this manner. So it's worth a try! 

I'm very lucky, I have the two children I always wanted. Now, I'm a nana to my son's, at the moment two, soon to be three children. 

Pubs and clubs seem to only be for the young and thin! I stopped going to those places years ago! When you walk into a room and all you want to do is sit and listen to the entertainment, and some yobbo yells out, "it's time to leave guys, their letting the hippos in now!". That's when places like that definitely get struck off my list of venues for meeting people. 

As for dating sites, I've gone down that path myself and have only ever met two men and I think it's been probably six years since I joined my first. So they really are a waste of time and sometimes money!

I wish you all the best, you are certainly covering a lot of bases with your search for a man. It's a shame there isn't a hell of a lot more admirers who are actively looking, not just fulfiling their fantasies. 

Guys, you will NEVER know how wonderful it feels to cuddle up to a lovely soft BBW or SSBBW unless you actually start dating one! There's so many beautiful ladies like Misty, who are looking for a mate, guys, are you all blind?...


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## Jes (Feb 25, 2006)

Ivy said:


> "GOOD GOD ALMIGHTLY SOMEONE HAS SENT ME A BOWEL MOVEMENT!"
> "A TURD! A TURD! OH GOD A TURD!"
> "THIS IS A DIRECT ATTACK ON MY DIVINITY!!!"
> "NO ONE SENDS MY MOMMA A TURD AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!"
> ...



I love that movie DURING sex. With a chicken.

I like to give Ray and COnnie Marble a run for their money.


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## MisticalMisty (Feb 25, 2006)

Tiger's_Lily said:


> Misty, That is probably the saddest post I've read in a long time...
> 
> By the sound of it, you are a very successful, intelligent young woman with a huge amount of love to offer someone.
> 
> ...



I appreciate your kind words. It's definitely a struggle and somedays I let it get to me..but I just try to surrond myself with my friends and look beyond it..it's just getting harder and harder because I don't have many single friends left..


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## The Weatherman (Feb 25, 2006)

As for what Tiger Lily said about the difficulties of being a young SSBBW...

I am an 18 year old FA. I know that I am not the only one, too, because it's not like all of a sudden a guy turns 30 and discovers that he is FA. I have always been an FA and always will be. But being young, I do understand how hard it is to date. I've always been insecure and shy just as my personality, and I can only imagine what it must feel like to be a young BBW, and feel the eyes of society collectively condemning you at every turn. 

In my life experience, I've only really had two semi-relationships, and both caught me completely blindsided. I think Ivy is right to say that, essentially, the harder and more frantically you look for love, the harder it is to find it. I guess I'm a romantic at heart, and I like to believe that if you just have confidence in yourself, you'll attract someone's attention.

It's definitely scary for some not knowing if you'll be lonely forever, but someday you might just be waiting at a bus stop or something and meet the love of your life. But it will only happen if you DON'T look at every guy/girl you meet as potentially 'the one.' 

I guess the paradox is that the more you worry about being single, the more likely you will continue to be single. Whatever.

I know going into college I was freaked out about being single, and worried that it would continue forever, so I desperately looked for someone and it ended up being a disaster. When I go back to school next year, I promise myself I will not do that...


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## MisticalMisty (Feb 25, 2006)

The Weatherman said:


> As for what Tiger Lily said about the difficulties of being a young SSBBW...
> 
> I am an 18 year old FA. I know that I am not the only one, too, because it's not like all of a sudden a guy turns 30 and discovers that he is FA. I have always been an FA and always will be. But being young, I do understand how hard it is to date. I've always been insecure and shy just as my personality, and I can only imagine what it must feel like to be a young BBW, and feel the eyes of society collectively condemning you at every turn.
> 
> ...



You and Ivy are still young and not as old as I am..lol..I'll be 28 in April. It's not that I don't take what you guys have said seriously, it's just that you haven't experienced as much as I have.

I'm not frantically looking for love or thinking that every guy I meet is potentially the one. I'm leaving that up to the man upstairs..I was just voicing that I'm definitely not happy single..and I want what so many other people have.


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## Jes (Feb 26, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> You and Ivy are still young and not as old as I am..lol..I'll be 28 in April. It's not that I don't take what you guys have said seriously, it's just that you haven't experienced as much as I have.
> 
> I'm not frantically looking for love or thinking that every guy I meet is potentially the one. I'm leaving that up to the man upstairs..I was just voicing that I'm definitely not happy single..and I want what so many other people have.



I hear you, Misty. I think a lot of us do. And I think you're doing much of what you can do. And yes, bad days will come, but so will good ones. I don't really believe there's a lid for every pot, and I'm not big on platitudes, but know that lots of us do hear you (and I'm 36, so a chunk older than you are! You still seem 'young' to me!) 

If nothing else, since you mentioned you're beginning to lack for single friends, try finding more of those. We can be a great help.


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## MisticalMisty (Feb 26, 2006)

Jes said:


> If nothing else, since you mentioned you're beginning to lack for single friends, try finding more of those. We can be a great help.




I'm sincerely trying..I've never been great at making friends..but I am opening myself up to new opportunities..

I know everyone hears me..lol..how can they not when I bitch all the dang time..


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## Jes (Feb 26, 2006)

So do I!  And I, for one, say it's ok. We think about it all the time (which is, I think, part of the problem. But it's not like you can flick a lightswitch when you're obsessing about something. At least I can't) so please feel free to always bitch to ME at least. 

Ok, I think I just heard gunshots outside my window, so I'm gonna go investigate...


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## Isa (Feb 26, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I appreciate your kind words. It's definitely a struggle and somedays I let it get to me..but I just try to surrond myself with my friends and look beyond it..it's just getting harder and harder because I don't have many single friends left..


 
Misty I totally understand your feelings. There are days when being single doesn't bother me but others when it's the worst thing imaginable. The closer I get to 40, the more difficult it becomes. It does not help that the majority of my friends are married or in LTR's (hell, even the kids I used to babysit are all married and/or parents now). Personally I have stopped actively looking as it was getting too depressing. Just hang in there and keep the faith. Hopefully one day it will pay off. Good luck on the masters degree and house hunting.


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## swamptoad (Feb 26, 2006)

The Weatherman said:


> As for what Tiger Lily said about the difficulties of being a young SSBBW...
> 
> I am an 18 year old FA. I know that I am not the only one, too, because it's not like all of a sudden a guy turns 30 and discovers that he is FA. I have always been an FA and always will be. But being young, I do understand how hard it is to date. I've always been insecure and shy just as my personality, and I can only imagine what it must feel like to be a young BBW, and feel the eyes of society collectively condemning you at every turn.
> 
> ...



You reminded me about my own life, when I was once single:

I guess after my first break-up years and years ago, I just wanted to enjoy the freedom of being single. So, I just got out of bad relationship in which I was used and abused. I'll just say that I was quite naive at one point in time and I had people in my life that were very devious. I had people who somehow bought a computer under my name, I had fraudulent checks, and a sky-high cellular phone bill. This was probably around late 2000 early 2001. I learned quite a big lesson and felt very hurt and mistrusted from a past relationship. 

So, I had a house but I did not live in it after all the drama had occured. I had to get back on my own 2 feet again. So, I worked extra hours and had to pay off debts that I didn't even make. It took a very long time to clean up my debts, talk to the bank, get fraud-alerts, talk to the police, and save all of this as record. My life steadily improved and I was my own person once again. 

Now, the point of the story that I am getting to is this. I actually took more time, especially at that point in time, to sit down and think and learn about myself. I couldn't believe how much of a push-over I had become. I learned to be tough and work harder for a better life. I made friends online and everywhere else, plus I had such greater confidence in myself. Somehow that is what I think allowed me to make more friends. There was a quite a lot more positive influence coming back into my life. 

Now I only intended on making friends and getting my life back in order...and many months had passed by. Then this happened to me: I found someone who was very much like myself and also dealing so much drama, too. We both communicated so well to one another. We knew exactly how to make one another laugh. It was wonderful to feel so much love and understanding and how strong of a connection we felt for each other through the many, many conversations from whence we began. 

And the people at my workplace, also at the point in time, could see how bright and cheerful I had become. I worked some crazy hours in the Emergency Room. Many of them like 3p.m. till 3a.m. and some from 7p.m. till 3a.m. And the reason why I tell you this is because I would always write to my new-found sweetheart or wait for her to chat with me in the morning time...even until I felt like I was going to sleep at the keyboard...or if she was going to sleep at the keyboard. We always tried to cheer one another up and (go out of our own way) to make each other feel very special. It was very soothing to have a chat with her on the computer or talk over the phone. 

I know that I might've rambled on. But I really did enjoy reflecting on my own life and sharing it also here. I'd say that being single shouldn't be looked at so very bad. It kinda marked a milestone in my life.


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## Tina (Feb 26, 2006)

Swamptoad, that is a wonderful story -- very sweet. And I have admiration for the way you picked yourself up and dusted yourself off. And you are a wonderful guy, my friend.


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## rainyday (Feb 26, 2006)

I enjoyed reading it too, Swamptoad. I'm glad you found your sweetheart. I've also always thought it was cool that you two stepped up to be fill-in parents for the kids you're caring for while their folks are away serving. Kudos to you.


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## Santaclear (Feb 26, 2006)

swamptoad said:


> You reminded me about my own life, when I was once single:
> .......I'd say that being single shouldn't be looked at so very bad. It kinda marked a milestone in my life.



Good for you Swamptoad. That's a beautiful story.


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## Santaclear (Feb 26, 2006)

Ivy said:


> "GOOD GOD ALMIGHTLY SOMEONE HAS SENT ME A BOWEL MOVEMENT!"
> "A TURD! A TURD! OH GOD A TURD!"
> "THIS IS A DIRECT ATTACK ON MY DIVINITY!!!"
> "NO ONE SENDS MY MOMMA A TURD AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!"



Ivy, that is probably the saddest post I've read in a long time...

Is that why you're single?

*OK, I stole my first line from Tiger's_Lily's reply to Misty that followed your post - sorry, TL* 

Making posts like this will probably keep me single.


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## Vince (Feb 26, 2006)

_**I've held off posting a reply to this thread because I've been down in the dumps the last few weeks....or months if you complete and total honesty.

Anyone that knows me..knows I hate being single. I hate it with a passion. I don't need a man to complete my life, but I definitely want one.**[/I]

Well, MM, from what you have expressed here I would say that you need a man to complete your life. You definitely want one. I think there is this platitude going around where people deny that they need someone of the opposite sex. If you want to have your own children then you pretty much need a husband. Therefore you need a man. Nothing sinister to accept that. Once you can accept what you need it should be easier to make things consistent with trying to get what you need. There is nothing nice or intelligent about doing nothing and hoping Mr Right will appear. You need a plan because serendipity cannot be relied upon. 

**Everyone has goals and hopes and dreams and one of mine is to be a wife and a mother. I can be a mom alone, but I don't my kids to be like me and grow up without knowing their dad and then finally meeting him at 24**_.

There you are. You know what you want and need. Nothing to be ashamed about there. That is the American dream or part of it.

[I]**I feel like I have my professional life taken care of and it's time to focus on my personal life. I've got a great teaching job. I'll graduate in May with my Masters degree. I'm currently house hunting so I can get back on my own. I'm very independent and I'm not looking for a man to take care of my financially. I need the intimacy and the love that a relationship offers.**[/I]

The better your financial situation the better will be your attractiveness as a package. If we can use that analogy. Let us face it lots of women are competing for husbands. If you have things others do not have then that is an advantage. Your education will always benefit you in many ways besides providing a good living. Having your own home is a big advantage, too, because it is a default hope chest! People might downplay wealth, property and possessions but having more is certainly better than having less. Those things might not make anyone like you more but they will contribute to the sense that you are a worthy, productive person. I think lots of men want a woman who can increase wealth instead of spending it!

_**I'm a member of almost every bbw dating site known to man..15 at my last count..I'm even a member of a few that don't cater to bbw's. I have all my friends, family and coworkers on the lookout. I pray several times a day for God to bring a special person into my life..I'm devoted to this..that's for sure.**_

The BBW dating sites leave a lot to be desired. I pointed that out on this forum but many here either criticized me or ignored those suggestions. If you are a member of singles sites you know if they are worthwhile or not. It really does make a difference what you put up on your profile. I experimented with two different photos on two different profiles on the same site and one consistently brought in 3 times as much interest. I was surprised to learn which one was more "attractive". It was not obvious at all. Men like to see photos and if you can show more than one then do so. Don't be afraid to show your figure because that is important to some men. Those who are not interested won't waste their time or yours. You do know that some will fancy you and most will not. That is what happens to everyone. You can initiate some interest by sending kisses to guys who appeal to you. Most men will be flattered to receive attention but when they do not respond it doesn't always mean they are not interested. You really have to be careful you don't end up being too negative. Try to get some feedback about your profile. There might be changes you can make that will transcend what you have achieved so far. 


_**So, I try to continue to keep the faith..knowing that I'm a very beautiful, successful and loving woman who deserves a wonderful man. I hold on to hope..knowing he'll come into my life sooner or later..hopefully sooner...**[/I]

Finding a good partner has nothing to do with faith, I am afraid. I doubt that a good creator would leave you lonely! You don't deserve that and so you have to make something happen. 

There are a few things you might want to consider. If you have a definite idea of who you want as a partner then that might be too limiting. Sometimes we fall in love with people who are hardly our ideal. If you look at your friends and people you see around then there doesn't seem to be any reason that people choose each other. If you put all the wives in one room and the husbands in another I bet no one could match them up no matter how many questions were asked and how expert were the people doing this. Keep an open mind about possible candidates. 

About the competition you face. As you approach 30 you will discover that the men around your age can still pull women in their early 20s. I think couples are waiting longer now to get married. There doesn't seem to be the rush like there was 50 years ago. Lots of people stay single up until or past 40. So it will seem that the older you get the less attractive you will be to men. Trust me that you are still very young. So don't worry about the age thing.

Do you live in a small town? If you do then the choices are not as many as being in a bigger city. Sometimes moving might increase your chances many fold. I have known women who changed jobs in order to find better men. They didn't hesitate to leave a job that didn't suit them. In your case it might not be so easy to find special schools like your work entails. I have taught handicapped children so know a bit about what your work is like. Usually those schools are small and the staff is small. So that is limiting you a lot. Have you thought about teaching in other schools? Just a thought.

It is interesting that on the same site we find many women wondering how they go about meeting nice guys that will like them. Many guys wonder how they can meet large women. Goodness but there is something wrong here. Neither side seems to be communicating to the other. You cannot conclude that because no one seems to be interested that you are not appealing to them. I find it surprizing that so few women post photos that reveal their figure. It can be just a casual photo or two standing up or sitting down. If you are on a site where admirers are found then why not show them what you look like? I am sure this was demonstrated on Dimensions quite emphatically recently. It can make a difference to many men if they can see more than just a face. There need not be any stigma associated with posting figure photos. It is just another thing you can think about. You can try it if you haven't already done it elsewhere. I am not asking you to post photos for me. What I mean is for you to try this at one of your singles sites and see what happens. You have to admit that if you do not change anything and expect a different result then that is a pipedream. You have to find something that works.

When you are out and about do you make eye contact with men? Do you smile at them? These might seem like little things but they can make a big difference. I know that there are some cities where women do not make eye contact with strange men. So you have to make that assessment yourself and see what is appropriate. A smile is a very powerful weapon in any woman's arsenal. 

If you live in a big city there might be singles house parties that you can go to. There also might be singles dances held on Saturday nights. I have gone to these events and there have been no large women there. If you have special BBW dances and events then you can look into those. I have heard both positive and negative reports about those things. 

I have no idea how much experience you have had with men. In some ways having no experience can be very attractive to many men. However, it is my experience that women who date men regularly seem to know what to do and are therefore more popular with them. Parties are a good place to meet singles and so are events such as weddings. I know some who go to church to meet and there are some popular churches that seem to attract younger people. I doubt you would be willing to change churches but then again you have to think about changing something. It might be fun to try different places in a systematic way. Each week you can plan to go somewhere different. It might be fun. Usually single women prefer to go with a girlfriend to such places. If most of yours are married then you are going to feel like the odd one out. 

You have to keep believing you are a nice woman and lovable. Never doubt this. That no one has found you yet doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. I changed my attitude many years ago about who I would date. I used to be really fussy and ended up alone. Finally I decided to go with women who were interested in me. Voila, my life changed and I started having heaps of fun. One compromise resulted in my life changing after that.

Someone told me it is possible to become a soul mate to someone else and vice versa. So that means you might not find a love at first sight guy. He might become just what you have always wanted. 

I wish you every success. Please allow that anything I have said here is but my opinion and in no way am I being critical of you. I wish there were no lonely people in this world. If we all tried to help others find a partner, perhaps loneliness would disappear from this world. 

My apologies if you have heard all this before!_


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## The Weatherman (Feb 26, 2006)

Swamptoad: I've only been on here for one day and you're the second person who has said to me, "i've been in your situation, it will all work out." Hearing from people like you just really calms me down a lot. Thanks.


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## Emma (Feb 26, 2006)

I'm single because I'm a c*nt. Pure and simple. I find it easy to find someone who really likes me, not so easy for me to find someone I really like. But when I do find someone I really like I dump them because it's easier. lol


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## TallFatSue (Feb 26, 2006)

The Weatherman said:


> I guess the paradox is that the more you worry about being single, the more likely you will continue to be single. Whatever.


I've been married for 23 years (going on 24), and this observation seems to be right on the mark. I didn't need a man to make my life complete, and as a big tall fat (and -- gasp -- smart) woman I reckoned that I'd better concentrate on my education and a career. It didn't really bother me that I'd probably be single all my life. Then a bizarre thing happened when I was 20. Mr. Right practically fell into my lap -- disguised as Mr. Completely Wrong. He was 18, the skinny younger brother of a university classmate, and many a time I wanted to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier, or worse. Well, for some reason I took a chance on him. Thank goodness. :smitten:

Maybe knowing that being single was likely but not a death sentence kept me open to the possibility that maybe the right man might be out there. Maybe I also know how to make educated compromises. Of course I can't take all the credit. Art said it never occurred to him that anyone remotely like me would ever appeal to him (uh, is that supposed to be a compliment?), but he took a chance on this big tall fat older woman anyway. And they lived happily ever after.


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## rainyday (Feb 26, 2006)

Ian (Ianardo), who posted earlier in this thread, emailed and asked me to pass along a message. After initially managing to post he's now having login problems and can't sign on to respond. He asked me to convey his thanks for the warm welcome and compliments about his artwork.


Hope he doesn't mind me adding this, but you UK ladies should take note: He's single and a very nice guy.


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## Ivy (Feb 26, 2006)

Santaclear said:


> Ivy, that is probably the saddest post I've read in a long time...
> 
> Is that why you're single?
> 
> ...



hahahhahahahahahahahaa

It's okay, we can be single together.
This means sex.
WOO.


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## exile in thighville (Feb 26, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> no offense..but that's the biggest damn cliche on the planet and it's definitely not true, at least not all the time..I'm sure it's worked for some..I stopped looking for almost a year and still nothing.
> 
> The looking doesn't depress me..it's knowing a total of 18..yep..now 18 people who are either prego or have had kids in the last 6 months. THAT'S what depresses me



i think what Ivy meant was that desperation isn't the sexiest angle to shoot for


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## Ladyrose1952 (Feb 26, 2006)

Angel said:


> Poor Vince. Can't stand it, can you? lol
> 
> *NO* male here needs *your* help.
> 
> ...


 
Come on Angel, give *VINCE* a break, he is just trying to join in the thread......
He has just as much right to be here as anyone. 
He isn't all that bad even if he offers his thoughts and/or ideas without being asked for them.... *He is a sweet but harmless man even if he is a bit overbearing and judgmental....*


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## Ladyrose1952 (Feb 26, 2006)

I am still single because I just haven't found MR Right yet.... I suppose that he is out there but maybe my bait just isn't enough..... LOL


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## Angel (Feb 26, 2006)

Ladyrose1952 said:


> Come on Angel, give *VINCE* a break, he is just trying to join in the thread......
> He has just as much right to be here as anyone.
> He isn't all that bad even if he offers his thoughts and/or ideas without being asked for them.... *He is a sweet but harmless man even if he is a bit overbearing and judgmental....*



I guess you didn't realize that two offending posts were deleted. The post of mine that you responded to/ quoted was in reply to those two posts which were both about, or in reference to me! 

There is a difference between someone offering their thoughts or ideas and someone continually being condescending or ridiculing someone because of the respectable and personal choices they have made in their life. No one, including Vince, has any right to bring up, discuss, or make public someone else's personal or intimate life here or an any other forum. 

Vince has been given more breaks that he deserves.


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## herin (Feb 26, 2006)

Reading some of the posts in this thread was like looking in a mirror. I haven't had many relationships in the past, and the guys I really liked were never really interested in being more than friends. So after getting my heart broken too many times, I decided to just be single until I was happy with myself. I figured that God, Higher Power, or whatever had a better plan than mine. I ended up being single for 3 years. Then one day, when I wasn't really looking, the most amazing man :smitten: was put in my path. We've been seeing each other for over a month now and it's going great! 

My point is, that when I was able to comfortable with myself and enjoy being in my own skin, the right one just came into my life. I know what you're thinking, people said those same words to me in the past and I found them to be just distasteful platitudes, but it really did happen for me!


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## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 27, 2006)

herin said:


> My point is, that when I was able to comfortable with myself and enjoy being in my own skin, the right one just came into my life. I know what you're thinking, people said those same words to me in the past and I found them to be just distasteful platitudes, but it really did happen for me!



That's great news Herin, and yes, you never know 'who' will come into your life when you least expect it....


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## ATrueFA (Feb 27, 2006)

I am not single because I want to be single but am single because I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person..That coupled with the fact its been really hard for me to meet anyone real life looks like I will be single a very. very long time..

Dave


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## vix (Feb 27, 2006)

Something worse than being single is being married and still lonely


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## Moonchild (Feb 27, 2006)

For years I'd have said no to this, but for right now I'm pretty much cool with it. I start college in a few months, why should I worry myself about finding a girlfriend now? Yeah, I'll say it, I'm lonely as hell, but I can take it like a man for a while because it just isn't my time yet. If I start a relationship it means that the intent is for it to last forever (not that I necessarily expect it to, but that's the long, long, long-term goal), and right now I don't think I'm in a position where that's likely enough to happen.

Besides, once I get to college, maybe I can work that pristine, untouched angle


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## The Weatherman (Feb 27, 2006)

Ahh, Moonchild... the "pristine, untouched angle" has been, well, less than a rousing success for me. Oh well. I suppose when the right woman comes along she won't care.


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## HassanChop (Feb 28, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I must admit I'm on the fence about it. Like you say I enjoy my freedom. However I worry at times that when and if I am ever in a relationship again will I be able to make the transition back to sharing and having open discussions as to what is going to happen and when.
> 
> I also know that as Ive aged I have less tolerance for things and it makes it more difficult for me to actually put the effort into a budding relationship.
> 
> ...






Wow...For me very true. I think the fine line is maintaining who you are with how much you are willing to subjugate yourself to the wishes and emotional needs of your significant other. You have to sacrifice to the relationship to make it work, but your intended has to as well. Also, as I think a previous post mentioned, you can be too eager and that just invites someone to take advantage of you. I have been married twice, first I wasn't even really looking for the 'one' and she just fell in my lap and it was great. Second I was really looking, thought I found her, gave her everything and she had no respect for me. So that was a good learning experience... I guess in short, it's hard to get two mature, committed, giving, happy people together. Just my thoughts........


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## missaf (Feb 28, 2006)

I have a friend who is single, and chooses to be so. Despite a desire to have another person in his life and the ability to love that person, he's afraid to, and reguses to emotionally connect unless it's on his terms. It's a shame, really. He has incredible potential and those few times he does choose to connect, he really can be a lady killer.


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## Fat Gary NYC (Feb 28, 2006)

JoyJoy said:


> If you present yourself as a desperate, needy, lonely person, then you very well might meet the *right* person, but send them running the other way in fear.


You are *SO* correct. I'm 43, and I'm ashamed to say that a high school freshman probably has more experience than me when it comes to dating, let alone anything more. The result is that I'm sure I give out "vibes" of desperation.

I want a girlfriend sooooo badly, I want to be in a relationship sooooo much, it hurts. Although I do have my preferences, let's face it: if my only option was someone who makes Olive Oyl look voluptuous, I'd probably jump at the opportunity.

The big question is: how do I go about _not_ presenting myself as desperate, needy, lonely... even though I am?


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## moonvine (Feb 28, 2006)

Fat Gary NYC said:


> The big question is: how do I go about _not_ presenting myself as desperate, needy, lonely... even though I am?




I think you are asking the wrong question. The question should be (IMHO) "how do I become not desperate, needy or lonely so that I'm ready for a relationship?"


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## moonvine (Feb 28, 2006)

dan ex machina said:


> i think what Ivy meant was that desperation isn't the sexiest angle to shoot for



Well, I agree, but I don't think that "looking for a boyfriend" has to equal "desperate." It *can*, but it doesn't *have* to.

This not looking thing strikes me as against all common sense. I *could* get a job if I never submitted a resume anywhere. Someone could just walk up to me and ask me if I needed a job. I don't like those odds, though, so when I want a job I put out a LOT of resumes. Most won't be interested (for whatever reason - not hiring right now, my skills don't fit what they are looking for, whatever) and won't respond but a few will, and hopefully I'll find a good fit with one of them. But when I go to the interview I won't say "OMG I need this job so bad, I'll die if I don't get it, I have no money, pleasepleaseplease give me this job, blah, blah." Very similar to looking for a boyfriend, in my opinion - so when I go on that first date, I won't be like Ohhhhh I am so lonely, I hope you will want to get married and have kids RIGHT AWAY. I can't stand being by myself anymore, I've been by myself SOOOO long. When should we set the date for the wedding?"

My problem is not being able to get those first dates (interviews). Go on enough, and you'll find an acceptable match eventually. At least that is my opinion


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## Ladyrose1952 (Mar 1, 2006)

I know that I have been on my own for a long time because of personal choice, but now that all but one of my children have moved away and are on their own, I am not trying to find a good man to spend the rest of my life with.
I also know that it I don't ever find him, it will be ok too because I would rather stay single and alone then to be with a man that didn't love me and that I would wasting my sexuality on when I could be with someone that truely desired me and loved me for WHO I am and not just to be his house keeper and bedroom partner. There is so much more to a relationship between a man and woman that if that were all I would recieve out of that relationship, even after being alone as many years as I have been, I would rather stay that way.
I tell my friends, "*Yes, I would love to find a man again and spend the rest of my life with, I am Lonely, But.... "I am NOT DESPERATE*". LOL


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## Arkveveen (Mar 2, 2006)

Well, I am not all that happy being single myself. The thing is, I dream every day of meeting that beatiful, wonderful BBW of my dreams... she would be a FA like me, without my negative attitudes!

Hmm.... First of all, I tried two dating sites, LArge and Lovely, then LargeFRiends, but both were paysites for complete services... so I cried as I figured out my profile was useless on BOTH. I came here eventually, hoping to meet my dream BBW while starting out my path of size acceptance as well as making good freinds!

I think it's best to leave the relationships to those who desire them. First of all though, I still will never desire children(leave that to the parenting types, nothing wrong with that)... and my views on a balanced relationship is a balance of:
sexuality, intimacy, affection, with trust, commitment, love.

Anyway, there's my answer, I think... :doh: I just hope I somehow find the girl of my dreams here... by the way, I already have a girlfriend that is 100% of what I truly desire in a mate... who lives 3000 miles away from my location. But she does not count due to this distance problem, and she never shown me a pic of herself.


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## eightyseven (Mar 2, 2006)

I'm single... just throwing it out there


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## AnnMarie (Mar 2, 2006)

Arkveveen said:


> Anyway, there's my answer, I think... :doh: I just hope I somehow find the girl of my dreams here... by the way, I already have a girlfriend that is 100% of what I truly desire in a mate... who lives 3000 miles away from my location. But she does not count due to this distance problem, and she never shown me a pic of herself.



If you've never seen her, and you consider the distance an insurmountable issue, she's not your girlfriend. 

If she IS your girlfriend, then the distance shouldn't be an insurmountable issue, and you should want to see a picture of her as soon as humanly possible. Not because you necessarily need to know (clearly, you don't seem to care), but just to be able to look into the face of a person you love? 

None of what you wrote makes any sense to me. If you're here looking for a "girl of your dreams" then you should have already moved on from your 3000-mile, faceless girlfriend.

Not judging, just confused by the two opposing sides of what you've said.


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## Arkveveen (Mar 3, 2006)

Oh yeah... I told her that I would always love her, and that I was moving on.  She did not mind at all. I understand what you are saying.


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## djewell (Mar 3, 2006)

Tiger's_Lily said:


> * If you are single, are you happy being single?



Single and relatively happy.



Tiger's_Lily said:


> * However, if you're single, and want to hopefully meet someone to share your life, what are you doing to achieve that goal?



It's called "shidduch dating." A shadchan (matchmaker) sets you and a person they think is compatible on a shidduch (date). There's no such thing as prearranged marriages, but parents DO get a say. There is also no such thing as casual dating in Ultra-orthodox societies.



Tiger's_Lily said:


> * Do you believe it's 'only' because of your size that you are still single?



No.



Tiger's_Lily said:


> * And why is it, some people continue to think we can only be truly happy if we are in a relationship?



They haven't developed their sense of self-identity.


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## JoyJoy (Mar 3, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Well, I agree, but I don't think that "looking for a boyfriend" has to equal "desperate." It *can*, but it doesn't *have* to.
> 
> This not looking thing strikes me as against all common sense. I *could* get a job if I never submitted a resume anywhere. Someone could just walk up to me and ask me if I needed a job. I don't like those odds, though, so when I want a job I put out a LOT of resumes. Most won't be interested (for whatever reason - not hiring right now, my skills don't fit what they are looking for, whatever) and won't respond but a few will, and hopefully I'll find a good fit with one of them. But when I go to the interview I won't say "OMG I need this job so bad, I'll die if I don't get it, I have no money, pleasepleaseplease give me this job, blah, blah." Very similar to looking for a boyfriend, in my opinion - so when I go on that first date, I won't be like Ohhhhh I am so lonely, I hope you will want to get married and have kids RIGHT AWAY. I can't stand being by myself anymore, I've been by myself SOOOO long. When should we set the date for the wedding?"
> 
> My problem is not being able to get those first dates (interviews). Go on enough, and you'll find an acceptable match eventually. At least that is my opinion


 
You make excellent points, however looking for a job is different than finding a mate...it's not always a process, although that is a good analogy in some cases. Sometimes, though, it just happens, when the time is right; and if you spend more time working on yourself internally than worrying about the external, such as how lonely you are, etc, then you're going to appear more appealing to the right person. That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with joining dating sites, or actively "putting yourself out there" in hopes of meeting someone. What I tried to explain in my previous post is that it's all in the packaging. If you go into chat rooms consistently complaining about being single or about how no one wants you, or write about it on your profile on dating sites (ie, "I just broke up with my man and am so hurt and lonely, and looking for another relationship"), or even create screennames such as *imsolonely*, etc....people might have sympathy for you at first, but once they realize that you have the mindset of someone who is desperately seeking someone to cure their lonliness first and foremost, they likely won't view you as solid relationship material. 
For the record, I'm not referring to people who take part in occasional conversations about the lack of available men/women in their area, who, on occasion, do bring up their lonliness, or lack of dating life, etc....I think you get my drift. I'm guilty of that, myself, because it is something that does come up as a topic of dicussion. I've been around the 'net for awhile, and have seen people who do present themselves the same way everywhere they go...as lonely, desperate, people seeking someone to take those feelings away. We all struggle with it, but as I said before, if it's the focus of your internet persona, it's not likely going to attract anyone...most people will shy away from it.


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## moonvine (Mar 3, 2006)

JoyJoy said:


> You make excellent points, however looking for a job is different than finding a mate...it's not always a process, although that is a good analogy in some cases. Sometimes, though, it just happens, when the time is right; and if you spend more time working on yourself internally than worrying about the external, such as how lonely you are, etc, then you're going to appear more appealing to the right person. That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with joining dating sites, or actively "putting yourself out there" in hopes of meeting someone. What I tried to explain in my previous post is that it's all in the packaging. If you go into chat rooms consistently complaining about being single or about how no one wants you, or write about it on your profile on dating sites (ie, "I just broke up with my man and am so hurt and lonely, and looking for another relationship"), or even create screennames such as *imsolonely*, etc....people might have sympathy for you at first, but once they realize that you have the mindset of someone who is desperately seeking someone to cure their lonliness first and foremost, they likely won't view you as solid relationship material.
> For the record, I'm not referring to people who take part in occasional conversations about the lack of available men/women in their area, who, on occasion, do bring up their lonliness, or lack of dating life, etc....I think you get my drift. I'm guilty of that, myself, because it is something that does come up as a topic of dicussion. I've been around the 'net for awhile, and have seen people who do present themselves the same way everywhere they go...as lonely, desperate, people seeking someone to take those feelings away. We all struggle with it, but as I said before, if it's the focus of your internet persona, it's not likely going to attract anyone...most people will shy away from it.



Oh, I agree with everything that you wrote - if someone with a screen name like "Imsolonely" approaches me I give them the polite brushoff. I'm of the opinion that people who are that lonely aren't ready for a relationship - well, certainly not one with me. There is the additional complication that there are lots of online predators out there just looking for desperate, lonely people with little to no self-esteem.

I'm just puzzled by people who say you shouldn't look. When I didn't look, I didn't find either - and I truly *wasn't* looking - I was focusing on my career, buying my first home, etc. I guess that not looking "works" for some people, but not for me?

It is funny to think of not looking "working" as if you aren't looking and find something anyway, since you weren't looking I don't know how you can think of it as an approach that worked. I think I am too literal to wrap my brain around this.


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## JoyJoy (Mar 3, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Oh, I agree with everything that you wrote - if someone with a screen name like "Imsolonely" approaches me I give them the polite brushoff. I'm of the opinion that people who are that lonely aren't ready for a relationship - well, certainly not one with me. There is the additional complication that there are lots of online predators out there just looking for desperate, lonely people with little to no self-esteem.
> 
> I'm just puzzled by people who say you shouldn't look. When I didn't look, I didn't find either - and I truly *wasn't* looking - I was focusing on my career, buying my first home, etc. I guess that not looking "works" for some people, but not for me?
> 
> It is funny to think of not looking "working" as if you aren't looking and find something anyway, since you weren't looking I don't know how you can think of it as an approach that worked. I think I am too literal to wrap my brain around this.


 
I think the reasoning behind that statement, generally, is that when you're not *looking*, you're more relaxed and focused on being your real self. You're not trying to impress anyone, not putting on the good face, etc...and to someone who is going to be attracted to you, that's what they want to see. It's like skipping a step...you don't have to go through the whole *look at me, do you like what you see?* dance.


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## moonvine (Mar 3, 2006)

JoyJoy said:


> I think the reasoning behind that statement, generally, is that when you're not *looking*, you're more relaxed and focused on being your real self. You're not trying to impress anyone, not putting on the good face, etc...and to someone who is going to be attracted to you, that's what they want to see. It's like skipping a step...you don't have to go through the whole *look at me, do you like what you see?* dance.




Well, maybe that's the difference. I tend to be who I am regardless. I don't really do anything differently to impress anyone, looking or not. They will like me or they won't, but if they like someone I'm really *not*, then what good does that do? That's not to say that when I go on a date I don't brush my teeth, or whatever, but going above and beyond to impress someone when I'm not going to be acting that way in the future seems a bit self-defeating to me.


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## eightyseven (Mar 3, 2006)

JoyJoy said:


> I think the reasoning behind that statement, generally, is that when you're not *looking*, you're more relaxed and focused on being your real self. You're not trying to impress anyone, not putting on the good face, etc...and to someone who is going to be attracted to you, that's what they want to see. It's like skipping a step...you don't have to go through the whole *look at me, do you like what you see?* dance.



I completely agree with you Joy. That's the attitude I have currently... I'm single and not actively looking, but open. Relationships, flings, or whatever you're looking for... they all come more naturally when they aren't forced, but merely fall into place. When you don't go into something with prescribed intentions, it makes getting to know someone so much more enjoyable!


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## Ladyrose1952 (Mar 4, 2006)

*I have been alone now for quite awhile and I am so tied of being that way.*

I used to think that being alone wasn't all that bad and I convinced myself of that for many years. But I want a man in my life and I am going to find him. Even if I never marry again I would like to have a male companion to share my love and attentions on.

I am now generating enough courage and confidance to show my pictures and be more open with who I am.

So, I am hoping that this will help in my search for the man of my dreams and Now I have the courage to offer the right bait.

I know that many people can very well stay alone for the rest of their life and continue being so, but I don't wish to be one of them anymore. I will find him somewhere among the lovely hordes. 

View attachment Picture 2.jpg


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## massconsumption (Mar 4, 2006)

Im single (and new here). Its not necessarily my choice, but because of school, which I finished with a Masters Degree, and work staying very busy. Now though, I'm able to relax some and get out more. I just found this website. I like!!!! I'll need to post some pics if anyones interested.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Mar 4, 2006)

massconsumption said:


> Im single (and new here). Its not necessarily my choice, but because of school, which I finished with a Masters Degree, and work staying very busy. Now though, I'm able to relax some and get out more. I just found this website. I like!!!! I'll need to post some pics if anyones interested.




Welcome to the board 'massconsumption'. 

Now you can take this advice or not, but if you are really interested in meeting someone, posting a photo of you chest, isn't exactly the sort of photo most woman are wanting to see. Putting some clothes on and showing your face, would be a nice start.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Mar 4, 2006)

JoyJoy said:


> ...as lonely, desperate, people seeking someone to take those feelings away. We all struggle with it, but as I said before, if it's the focus of your internet persona, it's not likely going to attract anyone...most people will shy away from it.



Very, very well put Joy!!


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## massconsumption (Mar 5, 2006)

Good point--great incentive!!! Didn't mean to scare folks away 

(and I used to be shy too!!!)

Massconsumption


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## saturdayasusual (Mar 7, 2006)

* If you are single, are you happy being single?

* However, if you're single, and want to hopefully meet someone to share your life, what are you doing to achieve that goal?

* Do you believe it's 'only' because of your size that you are still single?

* And why is it, some people continue to think we can only be truly happy if we are in a relationship?



1. I'm single, but I wouldn't say I am exactly happy with it. I've just kind of gotten used to it. I know that I don't absolutely need someone in my life to be happy, but I do want to be with someone. I guess it's just me wanting to love someone and have someone love me. To know that there is someone looking forward to seeing you or talking to you. Those kinds of things.

2. Well, I'm really shy, so it's hard for me to meet people. I've looked online but I can't seem to find anyone that's not out to play games. I just wish I could find someone who wants to at least TRY for something real. *sigh* Any takers? Hehe.

3. In a way, yes. I've always just been the friend or whatever. It's always been, "You're so great, but..." 

4. I think some people define themselves in terms of whether or not they're in a relationship. If they are then they consider themselves successful but if they don't they see themselves as a failure. I could be wrong. I don't really know what they could be thinking.


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