# BHM/FFA Confessions/Complaints/Thoughts/Secrets



## Fuzzy (Apr 14, 2007)

Every other board on this forum has a confession/etc thread, and I thought this board ought to have one too.

Firstly, a confession. I always aspired to be a BHM, and was... for awhile. But now I'm more of a BNotSoHeavyMan.


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## missaf (Apr 15, 2007)

It's okay Fuzzy, you're still cute and fuzzy and a little chubby, so you fit right in


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## Blondeegrldd (Apr 15, 2007)

I confess that sometimes I wish I were more attracted to average-sized men. Things would be a hell of a lot easier for me. Confidence is sexy, and many SSBHM's lack it.

On second thought, do I really want to take the easy way?

And, would easier really be better?


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Apr 15, 2007)

I can confess that sometimes I wish I was attracted to normal sized men as well. But only when my attraction jeopradizes my relationships. 
Like my boyfriend now, isn't fat. Since before we started dating, he knew what I was into. Just I connected with him mentally because well, personality is more important than looks. 
So I've been with him for almost 2 years and it's a little frustrating being in a relationship that cannot satisfy me sexually. 
I'm still with him because he is going to the other side of the country for college in September; and I would rather have it end well in September then end badly earlier. 
So yeah, sometimes I get pissed that I'm attracted to obesity. But then... I would rather stick with what I like than try and pretend that I'm attracted to something else. Despite the fact that my boyfriend still tries to tell me that I can convince myself out of being attracted to fat. 
I've tried to break up with him, but Im too attached mentally... and he always convinces me out of it. So yeah. it's frustrating, cuz if I had a 'normal' attraction, then I wouldn't be having so many relationship problems.

Ramble Ramble ramble... hah.


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## Wanderer (Apr 16, 2007)

Hmm, a confession...

Well, I happen to think Camryn Mannheim was Ultimate Sexy in her Snow White outfit from Tenth Kingdom. Something about a BBW in a bodice... <delighted shiver>

Also, if it were possible to have a full-body fur pelt, I'd start saving for it immediately. Just something about having that much fur for the wind (and female hands) to run through...

What can I say? Being a big, fat, hairy deal excites me.


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## Tad (Apr 16, 2007)

1) That I was thinking of starting such a thread myself, so I'm glad someone else beat me to it  

2) That I like checking out the bellies of fatter guys. 

3) That I've never had a belly rub, and out of the various types of fat appreciation out there that is probably the one I'd most love to experience at least once.

-Ed


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## rabbitislove (Apr 16, 2007)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Like my boyfriend now, isn't fat. Since before we started dating, he knew what I was into. Just I connected with him mentally because well, personality is more important than looks.
> So I've been with him for almost 2 years and it's a little frustrating being in a relationship that cannot satisfy me sexually.



If you don't mind me asking Mary Elizabeth, have you been with a larger man before? I think it's admirable how you can see whats within but sex is important.

My confession is similar to yours and BlondeGirl's. I wish I wasn't so into chubbier men, since I'm into women of all sizes, but get the most satisfaction out of having sex with fat guys the best.

I also have a horrible confession to make. I keep hoping when my ex boyfriend dates women he runs into fatphobes, so I don't have to see him with someone else. I feel horrible for wishing that on anyone, and I feel it makes me a hypocrite of the size acceptance movement, but right now seeing that would be too hard for me. 

Please don't hate or ban me. I love this board <3


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## missaf (Apr 16, 2007)

I've been with fat and mid-sized men. What attracted me to them the most wasn't their size, it was their brains. My long-term attraction to their bodies comes secondary to knowing who they are in most cases. Now if it's a fling or just people watching, a fat man will catch my attention more than a skinny guy


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## fat hiker (Apr 16, 2007)

edx said:


> 1) That I was thinking of starting such a thread myself, so I'm glad someone else beat me to it
> 
> 2) That I like checking out the bellies of fatter guys.
> 
> ...



Me too! Me too! 

My wife gave me a backrub in the shower the other day. She was floored by how much I enjoyed it. A belly rub is something to be dreamed about...


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## missaf (Apr 16, 2007)

For you guys craving a belly rub... have you asked for one?


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## Tad (Apr 16, 2007)

missaf said:


> For you guys craving a belly rub... have you asked for one?



Nope. I know my wife is not 'in to' my belly, and would rather I lost some weight. She might give me a belly rub if I asked, simply because she's nice. But having it from someone doing it just to be nice would not be the same as from someone who was also enjoying it (I go through this with back-rubs occasionally already), and because I prefer to avoid thinking about what she thinks of my belly, I try not to draw more attention to it than it is already going to get from sticking out there.

In other words, I'm chicken  

-Ed


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## persimmon (Apr 16, 2007)

Hey ed, we're almost opposite at me house: my husband puts up with the tummy rubs because he doesn't mind and he likes the aftereffects, much as I put up with the incessant boob-groping.

Man up and ask, ed! She might find the payoff ratio is better than with a backrub.

Anyway, confessions: When I cook, I make more than necessary under the guise of having leftovers, but secretly I hope he'll help himself to extra.

Lots of extra.  

persimmon


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## Jackoblangada (Apr 16, 2007)

I must admit, there are times when I wish I had never heard of nor dated any FFAs. Now that I know how amazing and satisfying that connection can be, both physically and emotionally and how powerful those shared romantic secrets can passions are in a way that no regular couples could understand it becomes agony to be alone. Even dating a girl who likes me despite my size can be lonesome.
Of course other times I am thankful for those true moments of bliss I would never have had before.
I am speaking of more than just sex, but the emotional and even spiritual as well.


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## chickadee (Apr 16, 2007)

I was secretly admiring a friend of mine, who is a BHM. He was wearing suspenders and it looked hot. Can't describe it, but it was delicious.


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## Deepfriedness (Apr 16, 2007)

Um..

1: I <3 gaining. It grips me in a way few things can :eat1: 

2: I <3 housework.


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Apr 16, 2007)

This is probably going to be odd, but the girl I date now isn't a self-proclaimed FFA. However, the guy she dated for 3 years before me was also a BHM. I've pointedly questioned her on her attraction to fat and she definitely says no. The thing is, it is nice that she likes me for who I am but I kind of wish she was into me being fat? It was actually an odd situation to begin with, at the time I started getting to know her, another girl that has posted on here and I talked and she said she was really attracted me and was definitely an FFA. I kind of regret not seeing what it woudl've been like being with the FFA. And she was much larger than my current gf who is less than 5ft tall and under 110lbs. After saying all that, i'm not sure what my confession is. Perhaps, I just want variety...:doh:


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## Jeannie (Apr 17, 2007)

I confess that I wish I could indulge in a feedee lifestyle without the quality of my health and life suffering. I also wish I could indulge in a feeder lifestyle (because I would love to switch roles from time to time) and not have my partner's health and quality of life suffer. I wish I could meet someone around my age who knows exactly how I feel about this and feels the same. Someone who gets off on the play as much as I do (yes, lots of belly rubs) but cares about good nutrition, exercise and being healthy too. Someone willing and even eager to meet the challenge of this balancing act.

It would also be cool if he was a little bit bi curious and willing to explore that part of himself with me through fantasy.

I also confess that I don't hold out much hope that the stars will align and bring this person into my life.


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## Fukurer-shogun (Apr 17, 2007)

I can admit that there are times when I wish I was more muscular then flabby, more trim then not...something closer to a proper male protagonist.

Even though I have accepted that is probably not got to be the case, sometimes I feel guilty for "giving up" even though this really isn't the case.


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## imfree (Apr 17, 2007)

Jeannie said:


> I confess that I wish I could indulge in a feedee lifestyle without the quality of my health and life suffering. I also wish I could indulge in a feeder lifestyle (because I would love to switch roles from time to time) and not have my partner's health and quality of life suffer. I wish I could meet someone around my age who knows exactly how I feel about this and feels the same. Someone who gets off on the play as much as I do (yes, lots of belly rubs) but cares about good nutrition, exercise and being healthy too. Someone willing and even eager to meet the challenge of this balancing act.
> 
> It would also be cool if he was a little bit bi curious and willing to explore that part of himself with me through fantasy.
> 
> I also confess that I don't hold out much hope that the stars will align and bring this person into my life.


 You sound really interesting. My screen name was inspired
by Casting Crowns' song, "Set Me Free". I have feeder/fedee intersets,
too. At 415lbs, I'm on the edge and I love it here.


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## Nellie (Apr 17, 2007)

Okay, I have been looking for someone to confess this to for a while: Several months ago I realized I was attracted to a woman for the first time (after a lifetime of only being fond of chubby men). This girl is the first and only woman to which I have EVER been attracted, and she is REALLY skinny! I feel way more weird about being a self-identified FFA attracted to a skinny woman than I do about being a self-identified straight woman attracted to another woman. Isn't that odd? 

The worst part? I can't tell my best friend about this because she wants to date this girl I have the crush on too and I am jealous! 


Ahhh, feels good even just to type it!


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## ruby (Apr 17, 2007)

2 Confessions

1: My bf is trying to lose weight due to weight-related health issues. I feel guilty that I don't want him to lose weight because his body is 100% sexy. I care about his health, but I think that he looks so hot at his current weight. I feel guilty for not trying to be more helpful at getting him to stick to his diet.

2: I love the way my bf looks in his tight 3X PHAT FARM t-shirt.


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## Rosalinde (Apr 17, 2007)

I just got here. It's too early for confessions.


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## butterflyblob (Apr 18, 2007)

In ascending order of embarrassingness:

I confess that I've never dated a guy who was more than "stocky." Although not for lack of trying.

I confess that when I was in middle school, I had a huge crush on Jim Carrey. Well, I still like dark hair.

Finally, I confess that I sometimes masturbate to weight loss success stories in trashy magazines. BEAT THAT!


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## Jackoblangada (Apr 18, 2007)

To the actual success story? Or the before pics?

Sorry just felt the need to clarify..


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## fat_viking_bloke (Apr 18, 2007)

me and my housemates went skinny dipping last night! ah ha! twas bloody cold.


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## rabbitislove (Apr 18, 2007)

another confession.
i had a beer before noon.


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Apr 18, 2007)

rabbitislove said:


> If you don't mind me asking Mary Elizabeth, have you been with a larger man before? I think it's admirable how you can see whats within but sex is important.
> 
> My confession is similar to yours and BlondeGirl's. I wish I wasn't so into chubbier men, since I'm into women of all sizes, but get the most satisfaction out of having sex with fat guys the best.
> 
> ...




Hehe, yeah the biggest guy I've ever been with was only like 340 lbs. He was 16, and I was 15. And it didn't last long, because his parents shipped him off to the other side of the country to attend "fat school" and lose all the weight. Blah!


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## one_shy_writer (Apr 18, 2007)

Here's a confession: Jack, I love the mohawk. LOVE. Oh, and based on your myspace, you have killer taste in music, too.


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## persimmon (Apr 18, 2007)

Ok, I got another one:

My husband and I are watching season 5 of Angel (yes, the Spike season; yes, I have a thing for Spike even though he's rail-thin; yes, I'm a flaming geeklet).

Anyway, David Boreanaz (Angel) is slightly heavier than in the previous season. I keep playing "find the chin-pudge". It's a good game.

persimmon


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## philosobear (Apr 18, 2007)

I'm not even that fat...


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## Tad (Apr 18, 2007)

persimmon said:


> My husband and I are watching season 5 of Angel (yes, the Spike season; yes, I have a thing for Spike even though he's rail-thin; yes, I'm a flaming geeklet).
> 
> Anyway, David Boreanaz (Angel) is slightly heavier than in the previous season. I keep playing "find the chin-pudge". It's a good game.



Spike was such a great character!

Anyway, I just wanted to mention a surprise benefit of buying an 'hdtv ready' flat panel tv. The screen is wider compared to height (16:9 versus 5:4 iirc). You can watch in various modes, including one where everything is just stretched out horizontally the extra 25%. It almost makes hollywood people look normal, and whenever you get anyone with the least bit of pudge it does make it more obvious  

-Ed


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## Jackoblangada (Apr 18, 2007)

one_shy_writer said:


> Here's a confession: Jack, I love the mohawk. LOVE. Oh, and based on your myspace, you have killer taste in music, too.



Thank you so much! I am rather fond of the mohawk myself. 
How kind of you to say!


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## Tad (Apr 19, 2007)

Where I am we finally have nice weather, so I biked to work this morning. What is probably the first of many rides over the next several months. As I was riding I was looking forward to it, anticipating the feeling of being more fit, pondering how many days a week I could practically ride, enjoying the feeling of my body as I biked.

I got to work and jumped in the shower. Washing my belly all I could think of was how wonderful it would feel even larger and softer, how it would feel for it to be so large I struggled and wallowed to get up off the couch to go get more snacks.

I went from one mode to the other in about 30 seconds, max.

So I confess that I don't know what I want more.

-Ed


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Apr 19, 2007)

My confessions...

I'm addicted to Gaiaonline's fishing.

I'm a sick sick sick geek who's excited about my Master's course this spring, will be reading 9 novels in 8 weeks and the challenge really has my heart racing!

Oh and I take mental images of my bf undressing for bed, even though sometimes he wants me to shut off the light, I find a reason to keep it on so I can watch him and store new mental images.


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## activistfatgirl (Apr 19, 2007)

Here's my confession: Sometimes I wish I was a small, thin woman and could play more with some of the wonderful fat men I've known or seen here and feel that difference in weight. As it stands with my fat body, smaller bodies seem to work better...but that thin girl/fat man fantasty still does something for me.

I find that all very interesting. Why the pull towards the opposite spectrums? Is my fat scared to share the stage?


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## love dubh (Apr 19, 2007)

I want to tone up, and get back to my XC weight. The interesting thing, though? My current lover would then be twice my weight, still several inches taller. I dig!


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## Tad (Apr 19, 2007)

The term girl crush is used on this board and in pop culture enough that I think most people get the unstated definitionthat it is a platonic crush of one woman on another. So how come nobody seems to use the term boy crush in the same way? I dont know if it is a difference in how men and women function or are expected to function, or if it has more to do with how leery heterosexual men tend to be around anything that hints at homoeroticism. Whatever the reason, I am officially adapting the term boy crush for my own usage, in the same way that girl crush is often used.

Of course, that is because I want to use the term. I have a boy crush, the first in a long time. My company has a sales manager based out of California who only comes to our main offices where I am about once a quarter. He is a pretty fat guy, think fifty-ish, has spent his entire career in a chair except when having expense account meals, and he has grown to fill that chair rather well. The thing is that he wears his weight like he doesnt know it is there. I dont mean that he is that strong and energeticon the contrary walking to the printer seems to be a minor workout for himbut rather it is like he has no awareness of being fat, or maybe like he has no concept that some people might view him differently for being fat. Most fat people have in their body language a sort of apology, or hesitancy, or at least a Ill give you some extra room because I dont want you to feel crowded by my fat. He doesnt. Whether it is from a long and successful professional career so that he is utterly confident in his own value and importance or some soul-deep acceptance of his body, I dont know. 

What I do know is that I find watching him kind of mesmerizing. Im careful not to gawk, but it is hard to not track him with my eyes when he goes by. Id love to be that fat, and to carry it with that sort of insouciance! My fascination with him is entirely non-sexual (I am probably somewhat bi, but that doesn't enter into the equation in this case), it is rather all about the fat and his utter nonchalance about it. These feelings entirely throws off my equilibrium, and makes it hard to talk serious business when Im around him. Gah, I hope this fades away soon!

-Ed


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## Waxwing (Apr 19, 2007)

love dubh said:


> I want to tone up, and get back to my XC weight. The interesting thing, though? My current lover would then be twice my weight, still several inches taller. I dig!



I love that. One of the reasons I like bigger men/women is that I like feeling that difference. Much like what AFG is talking about.


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## Jeannie (Apr 19, 2007)

edx said:


> The term girl crush is used on this board and in pop culture enough that I think most people get the unstated definitionthat it is a platonic crush of one woman on another. So how come nobody seems to use the term boy crush in the same way? I dont know if it is a difference in how men and women function or are expected to function, or if it has more to do with how leery heterosexual men tend to be around anything that hints at homoeroticism. Whatever the reason, I am officially adapting the term boy crush for my own usage, in the same way that girl crush is often used.
> 
> Of course, that is because I want to use the term. I have a boy crush, the first in a long time. My company has a sales manager based out of California who only comes to our main offices where I am about once a quarter. He is a pretty fat guy, think fifty-ish, has spent his entire career in a chair except when having expense account meals, and he has grown to fill that chair rather well. The thing is that he wears his weight like he doesnt know it is there. I dont mean that he is that strong and energeticon the contrary walking to the printer seems to be a minor workout for himbut rather it is like he has no awareness of being fat, or maybe like he has no concept that some people might view him differently for being fat. Most fat people have in their body language a sort of apology, or hesitancy, or at least a Ill give you some extra room because I dont want you to feel crowded by my fat. He doesnt. Whether it is from a long and successful professional career so that he is utterly confident in his own value and importance or some soul-deep acceptance of his body, I dont know.
> 
> ...



I confess that I really like and admire you! Of course *you *already know that, but I have never confessed it publicly. So there it is.  

And to ImFree - Thanks! And from what I can surmise from reading your posts here and there around the board, you're quite interesting (and sweet!)yourself!


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## butch (Apr 19, 2007)

OK, a few things to say-

1) Ed, I think lots of men have boy crushes, but they may not be able to conceive of them as such. There is so much male behavior out there that screams 'boy crush' that as a culture we make jokes about it-like all those locker room, towel snapping jokes about athletes. I would so crush on the guy you're describing- there's nothing like a fat person who carries themselves in the manner you describe.

2) I like fat guy nicknames, and the playful teasing fat guys get from their friends about their size. This teasing often includes some belly poking and such. Don't know why, but I like it, even if it isn't happening to me.

3) I love my belly, and think it is the best part of me-when I present it the way I want (in terms of how I dress and carry myself) it is the best. I love how it feels, how it looks, how it moves. Wish others appreciated it as much as I do.

4) Even though I love my belly today, I may be shrinking it soon. I don't know what to do with the sadness this is causing me, since so much of my sexuality is linked to my belly. If any of you are reading the thread over at the weight board about desires repressed and denied, then you'll understand that it took me a long time to feel comfortable with this aspect of my sexuality, and the thought of tinkering with it seems like more repression. But, since I've yet to meet another queer FFA into it, I don't know which is worse-keeping my sexuality intact as it is, and not finding a partner, or trying to deny parts of my sexuality by reducing the size of my belly and finding a partner, but not being fully expressive sexually. Of course I realize that there are other options besides the ones I've given, but I have hard time seeing them right now. 

It really is a struggle. Right now as I type this, I'm rubbing my belly, and thinking how much I like it, even if I am almost as wide around as I am tall. I don't even know if I should be posting any of this, or posting it here (I'm not a BHM, but then again I am a FFA of both sexes, so I guess thats ok), but I need to say it somewhere, since it will be a huge (ha ha) change in my life if I do shrink the size of my big ole belly.


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## imfree (Apr 19, 2007)

Jeannie said:


> I confess that I really like and admire you! Of course *you *already know that, but I have never confessed it publicly. So there it is.
> 
> And to ImFree - Thanks! And from what I can surmise from reading your posts here and there around the board, you're quite interesting (and sweet!)yourself!


 Thanks, Jeannie, that was very nice.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 19, 2007)

As an increasingly forced to be uber-feminine woman, I have to say your post was touching, and perhaps it's none of my business, but sacrificing the core of your sexuality just to find a partner is probably NOT the way to go. Your sexual being has to be appreciated, obscured, for a happy relationship, IMO.



butch said:


> OK, a few things to say-
> 
> 1) Ed, I think lots of men have boy crushes, but they may not be able to conceive of them as such. There is so much male behavior out there that screams 'boy crush' that as a culture we make jokes about it-like all those locker room, towel snapping jokes about athletes. I would so crush on the guy you're describing- there's nothing like a fat person who carries themselves in the manner you describe.
> 
> ...


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## Scrubbed_In (Apr 19, 2007)

I must confess:

Though my only experience with girlfriends have been girls from 170ish lbs to around 350ish lbs., I would really like to experience a skinny girl (100-130ish lbs). I love the thought of being with a girl that's less than half my size - a definite fantasy.


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## butch (Apr 19, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> As an increasingly forced to be uber-feminine woman, I have to say your post was touching, and perhaps it's none of my business, but sacrificing the core of your sexuality just to find a partner is probably NOT the way to go. Your sexual being has to be appreciated, obscured, for a happy relationship, IMO.



Truthfully, that is not the main reason I'm contemplating the belly alteration. I have to be honest that it is a struggle for me, but I would be going against all my principles if that was the only reason I'm making changes. I pay no attention to nutrition, and I have no exercise routine in my life. I'm not as fit as I want to be, and I think that this is something I need to change in order to be good to myself. I also think that if I really honestly want a particular type of relationship, then I need to be more attentive to my body in order to put my best self forward, and right now I don't do that.

I have no doubt that I'll always be fat, but from past experience I know when I make different food choices, and get more exercise, I get smaller. And I can no longer make mental health justifications for my current eating and exercise behavior. That dreaded middle ground area is where I seem to be heading in most parts of my life, and it is not a place I understand yet.

I appreciate your response, TSL. It helps clarify my thinking a lot.


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## Waxwing (Apr 19, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> As an increasingly forced to be uber-feminine woman, I have to say your post was touching, and perhaps it's none of my business, but sacrificing the core of your sexuality just to find a partner is probably NOT the way to go. Your sexual being has to be appreciated, obscured, for a happy relationship, IMO.


 
As usual, I'm in hearty agreement with TSL on this one. When you find what it is that makes you happy and makes you feel sensual and fulfilled, don't give that up. You will find the person who will share that with you and love you not in spite of it, but because of it.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 19, 2007)

Nothing wrong with putting one's best foot forward, eating heathily, and regular exercise. Honestly? "Good" food choices become easier the more you do them. Hell, ANY food habit becomes easier: Both my shitty ones and my good ones, the more I do it. (I have lots of both.) 

You'd be surprised how much little changes affect things. Start small. A walk 20 minutes 3x a week and switching to a low or no calorie alternative for full sugar soda is a good start for anyone. 

ETA: I'm mostly behaving like a sage here because I always worry when someone decides to make a major decision in changing their bodies. Ignore me.


butch said:


> Truthfully, that is not the main reason I'm contemplating the belly alteration. I have to be honest that it is a struggle for me, but I would be going against all my principles if that was the only reason I'm making changes. I pay no attention to nutrition, and I have no exercise routine in my life. I'm not as fit as I want to be, and I think that this is something I need to change in order to be good to myself. I also think that if I really honestly want a particular type of relationship, then I need to be more attentive to my body in order to put my best self forward, and right now I don't do that.
> 
> I have no doubt that I'll always be fat, but from past experience I know when I make different food choices, and get more exercise, I get smaller. And I can no longer make mental health justifications for my current eating and exercise behavior. That dreaded middle ground area is where I seem to be heading in most parts of my life, and it is not a place I understand yet.
> 
> I appreciate your response, TSL. It helps clarify my thinking a lot.


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## love dubh (Apr 19, 2007)

Replace sodas with different types of iced teas (home-brewed, no sugar). Brew up whatever flavor pleases ya, chill overnight in a pitcher, and take a few bottles full for the day. Satisfying, cool, and miniscule, if any - amounts of sugar/fats/monsters. 

But that's just my suggestion. I'm biased in favor of tea.


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## rachel (Apr 19, 2007)

ruby said:


> 2 Confessions
> 
> 1: My bf is trying to lose weight due to weight-related health issues. I feel guilty that I don't want him to lose weight because his body is 100% sexy. I care about his health, but I think that he looks so hot at his current weight. I feel guilty for not trying to be more helpful at getting him to stick to his diet.



I hear you on that one. I love, love, LOVE my boyfriend's belly, but he worries about diabetes and doesn't like that it hurts to bend over to, say, tie his shoes. He has been very patient with my preferences, but I think he'd rather loose weight. 

My confessions:

1. When I was a little kid I used to make believe that I was a boy, and stuff my teddy bears under my shirt and pretend I was fat. Also used to draw little flip-books of a man eating and eating and getting fatter and fatter!

2. I have/am seriously considering becoming a webcam "feeder".

3. I think I am the only girl on the planet who is actually into stuffing and not fat - so I spent a heck of a lot of time reading gay boards/websites/groups. Bellybuilders was my first xposure to the internet BHM community! I think http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J063ZwtOuuM is probably my favorite vid ever.

rachel


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## johnnytattoos (Apr 20, 2007)

I confess...

1: I sometimes wish I were smaller so I could buy snazzier threads. Casual Male gets old fast.

2: My real name is not Johnny.


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Apr 20, 2007)

rachel said:


> My confessions:
> 
> 1. When I was a little kid I used to make believe that I was a boy, and stuff my teddy bears under my shirt and pretend I was fat. Also used to draw little flip-books of a man eating and eating and getting fatter and fatter!
> 
> ...



#1 & 3 = Me. 

Yeah, I did that exact same thing when I was little. I stuffed my shirts with pillows and did the whole flip book thing. 
In every single picture I drew as a child, I drew myself as a stick figure and everyone else was drawn as a circle. 
And I've always checked out bellybuilders despite the fact that it's gay oriented, cuz damn, the eye candy on that site rules. 


Here's a good confession of mine:
Every single night I sleep next to a shirt filled with pillows because I need something to cuddle with. The same shirt, with the same pillows (washed of course), has been in my bed since I was like 11. Haha, even my boyfriend has to compete with it. Like if he'll want to lie on the bed, he'll have to convince me to move 'Jiminy'... and sometimes it'll take a while to persuade me. *giggles* I mean, come on, my imaginary friend takes precedence! Which is pretty silly actually.


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## alienlanes (Apr 20, 2007)

edx said:


> The term girl crush is used on this board and in pop culture enough that I think most people get the unstated definitionthat it is a platonic crush of one woman on another. So how come nobody seems to use the term boy crush in the same way? I dont know if it is a difference in how men and women function or are expected to function, or if it has more to do with how leery heterosexual men tend to be around anything that hints at homoeroticism. Whatever the reason, I am officially adapting the term boy crush for my own usage, in the same way that girl crush is often used.
> 
> Of course, that is because I want to use the term. I have a boy crush, the first in a long time. My company has a sales manager based out of California who only comes to our main offices where I am about once a quarter. He is a pretty fat guy, think fifty-ish, has spent his entire career in a chair except when having expense account meals, and he has grown to fill that chair rather well. The thing is that he wears his weight like he doesnt know it is there. I dont mean that he is that strong and energeticon the contrary walking to the printer seems to be a minor workout for himbut rather it is like he has no awareness of being fat, or maybe like he has no concept that some people might view him differently for being fat. Most fat people have in their body language a sort of apology, or hesitancy, or at least a Ill give you some extra room because I dont want you to feel crowded by my fat. He doesnt. Whether it is from a long and successful professional career so that he is utterly confident in his own value and importance or some soul-deep acceptance of his body, I dont know.
> 
> ...



I love this post, Ed.

I'm a het male FA, but I definitely get occasional "boy crushes" on skinny, androgynous guys. They don't arouse me sexually, so I don't consider myself bi, but they're definitely erotic in the sense we've been using it over in the Weight Board thread. I find them aesthetically stimulating, like a Greek statue or a Mondrian painting or something.

Although it might just be because when I'm not in the middle of a gaining fantasy of my own, that's what I want to look like myself .

Butch, I've said this all at length over on the Weight Board, but yeah, I agree with TSL and the rest of the posters here that you can and should try to strike a happy balance between your sexual fantasies and the rest of your life. Don't give up hope! There are other big beautiful butches out there. And if you ever need a straight, skinny femme boy to be your platonic partner in BBW-spotting, look me up .

Also, FWIW: I'm not doing it to lose weight, but I find that a half-hour walk a few times a week improves my health and mood immensely.


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## alienlanes (Apr 20, 2007)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Every single night I sleep next to a shirt filled with pillows because I need something to cuddle with.



That's a great idea!


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## butch (Apr 20, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> I love this post, Ed.
> 
> I'm a het male FA, but I definitely get occasional "boy crushes" on skinny, androgynous guys. They don't arouse me sexually, so I don't consider myself bi, but they're definitely erotic in the sense we've been using it over in the Weight Board thread. I find them aesthetically stimulating, like a Greek statue or a Mondrian painting or something.
> 
> ...



Thanks, SlackerFA! I'd love to go BBW spotting sometime-how soon can I get to New York,  . 

Yeah, this balance thing is a killer. But hope is a stubborn thing, and no matter how I try to shake it off, it still hangs around, so I imagine I'll be able to figure out a happy medium.


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## fat hiker (Apr 20, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> I love this post, Ed.
> 
> I'm a het male FA, but I definitely get occasional "boy crushes" on skinny, androgynous guys. They don't arouse me sexually, so I don't consider myself bi, but they're definitely erotic in the sense we've been using it over in the Weight Board thread. I find them aesthetically stimulating, like a Greek statue or a Mondrian painting or something.
> 
> Although it might just be because when I'm not in the middle of a gaining fantasy of my own, that's what I want to look like myself .



Substitute "tubby, heavily muscled guys" for "skinny androgynous" guys, and I often feel the same way - and like slackerFA, I think it's because of what I would 'like' to look like myself. They are aesthetically pleasing.

Ah, eye candy.


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## Tad (Apr 20, 2007)

edx said:


> My company has a sales manager based out of California who only comes to our main offices where I am about once a quarter. He is a pretty fat guy, .......Most fat people have in their body language a sort of apology, or hesitancy, or at least a Ill give you some extra room because I dont want you to feel crowded by my fat. He doesnt. Whether it is from a long and successful professional career so that he is utterly confident in his own value and importance or some soul-deep acceptance of his body, I dont know.



So I have to sit with this sales manager I mentioned above and another manager, to discuss strategy on some things. While we are there our receptionist comes by with some treats (those things with a light and crunchy cookie rolled into a cylinder with chocolate down the middle) and she says There is just three left, one for each of you. The sales manager reaches for one, and I find myself saying Oh, I just had one up at reception a few minutes ago, Im good. Now what I said was true, but way to make the fat guy feel like the only one snacking :doh: Why did I not instead say Oh, I just had one up at reception a few minutes ago, but they are so good Ill have another! instead? 

I'm so glad I'm not on the dating scene, even around a platonic boy crush I can't play it cool.

-Ed


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## Love.Metal (Apr 20, 2007)

*sigh* Ok, probably time for a confession (or three...)

1. Despite being a member here, I still feel like the only girl in the world who loves fat guys. I've never met another woman in person who thinks fat is sexy...and in my opinion the bigger, the better (like over 300lbs, preferably 350ish and above); so that puts me waaay on the deep end of the weird scale as far as most people go. I'm never able to express my feelings about it to anyone, no matter how badly I want to. When my girlfriends are checking out all the uber skinny guys and saying how hot they are, all I can do is nod my head and pretend to agree with them, when in my mind I'm thinking "EAT A BURGER, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!"

2. Even though I guess I'm technically an FFA, I do think that some skinny guys are attractive, like Ville Valo (major points to you if you know who that is) or Davey Havock (another point opportunity here). But I still am way more attracted to fat guys. If there's not a major belly happening, I'm not interested. So sometimes it gets confusing, because I'm only sexually attracted to big guys, but I still find some skinny guys to be cute too. Does that mean I'm not 100% FFA? Because I'd never date a skinny guy, no way no way no way.

3. I enjoy fattening my guys up. Gad, it sounds so odd to write it out, but it's true. No point faking it now. I love watching a guy's belly get bigger and bigger, I enjoy the feeling of all the softness, and knowing that I helped. Oh, and this one is totally going to come back and haunt me, but stretch marks are soooo sexy. There, I said it. 

That's all the balls I have at the moment, so now I'm going to go assume the fetal position and try to convince myself I did not just say all that.
-Love.Metal


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Apr 20, 2007)

Love.Metal said:


> *sigh* Ok, probably time for a confession (or three...)
> 
> 1. Despite being a member here, I still feel like the only girl in the world who loves fat guys. I've never met another woman in person who thinks fat is sexy...and in my opinion the bigger, the better (like over 300lbs, preferably 350ish and above); so that puts me waaay on the deep end of the weird scale as far as most people go. I'm never able to express my feelings about it to anyone, no matter how badly I want to. When my girlfriends are checking out all the uber skinny guys and saying how hot they are, all I can do is nod my head and pretend to agree with them, when in my mind I'm thinking "EAT A BURGER, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!"
> 
> ...




That's exactly me!

I've been drooling over Davey Havok and Villie Valo since I was like 12. They are so effin' sexy. But... in a different way. Like, Davey Havok is beautiful, and I've idolized him for a third of my life... but he doesn't excite me in a sexual sense. I need giganticly obese men to excite me in _that_ way. 

And I used to pretend that I didnt find fat guys attractive whenever I was with my girls... but that ended when I was like 14 and realized that I'm never gonna find what I want if I'm not open about it. 
Now... it's actually kind of funny, everyone knows me as that "hot chick who likes fat guys". I'm a novelty item around here just cuz there are no FFA's within like a 30 mile radius. But it sucks, cuz there aren't any *big* guys within a 30 mile radius either. Blah! 

And yeah... strech marks are uber effin' sexy. 

<3


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## Love.Metal (Apr 20, 2007)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> That's exactly me!
> 
> I've been drooling over Davey Havok and Villie Valo since I was like 12. They are so effin' sexy. But... in a different way. Like, Davey Havok is beautiful, and I've idolized him for a third of my life... but he doesn't excite me in a sexual sense. I need giganticly obese men to excite me in _that_ way.
> 
> ...



WOOT!! Yeah, I agree, it's just a different kind of attraction to skinny guys, not sexual for me at all. Not to say that if I ever met Ville I wouldn't start humping his leg or anything, I wouldn't put it past me. I just think he's beautiful. 

I wish I was as brave as you, I know my girlfriends would probably understand, but I'm just afraid of getting to that point of no return, where once I've said it, it's out there for good.
Although I must admit, I'd love to be known as the hot girl who loves fat guys!! ^-^ If I looked like you, I don't think I'd be so insecure, though. You're gorgeous, if I may say so in a completely straight manner. lol. 
At this point, it's like ok, I'm 19, get going with this whole 'accepting yourself' thing, and just walk up to some really hot, really fat guy and tell him how you feel. If only I had the balls. 

So I wish I had the conviction that you have, but I'm glad there's someone who feels the same way. It takes the edge off the weirdness.
Yay you! 
Thanks for the boost, you rock.


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## persimmon (Apr 20, 2007)

Also, somewhat in keeping with my thing for Spike, I also have a terrible crush on Brian Molko, the skinny androgynous-hot lead singer of Placebo.

In much the way that I find different characteristics attractive in men and women, I have completely different standards for skinny gothy boys than I do for chunky snugglebunnies.

My chunky snugglebunny, incidentally, totally freaks out about stuff (like, say, an angle brush full of charcoal-coloured powder) near his eyes, so I doubt I'll ever really figure out the intersection of these sets.

persimmon


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## mrman1980uk (Apr 21, 2007)

love dubh said:


> I want to tone up, and get back to my XC weight. The interesting thing, though? My current lover would then be twice my weight, still several inches taller. I dig!



Aww, you don't want to be all thin, do you? Don't you love your curves any more?


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## fatterisbetter (Apr 22, 2007)

mrman1980uk said:


> Aww, you don't want to be all thin, do you? Don't you love your curves any more?



Don't worry! This fat guy has no "thinclinations". I love my gut, the way it rolls over and hangs down. I even like the way it slows me down. And heck, who am I kinding. I can go on a diet for about two seconds. No way am I giving up that late night pizza, and a day without a nice juicy cheese burger is not gonna happen either.


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## Bear (Apr 22, 2007)

Not sure I'm bhm size (6'1, near 300 lbs), but a few confessions of mine....

- When I was a kid, at birthday parties I used to try to eat what a chubby cousin of mine ate. If the cousin had 3 slices of cake, I would have 3 slices of cake
- I've always known I would be big(gish). Always love food. Don't like doing sports 
- When I was 19 I got to know the first girl who told me she preferred big guys. At the time that was a total surprise to me, yet a pleasant one
- I like my built, I don't want to hide my belly or body  My belly is just evidence of enjoying life
- I'm not really a gainer, but I'd like to see some more weight on myself. So going for maybe 20 lbs first


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## rabbitislove (Apr 23, 2007)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Now... it's actually kind of funny, everyone knows me as that "hot chick who likes fat guys". I'm a novelty item around here just cuz there are no FFA's within like a 30 mile radius. But it sucks, cuz there aren't any *big* guys within a 30 mile radius either. Blah!
> 
> And yeah... strech marks are uber effin' sexy.
> 
> <3



I <3 stretchmarks. God they are so cute <3
And yes, I'm also the hot chick who likes fat guys.
It pisses my parents off because they think I'm desperate, but if only they knew.


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## Tad (Apr 23, 2007)

I confess that when I'm alone in an elevator, I almost always let my gut hang out and rub it. 

I hadn't thought about this until today--I'm wearing a golf shirt with a kind of coarse weave that rasped against my hand, bringing it to my attention. Then I thought about it and realized that I do this pretty much every elevator ride that I'm alone.

So....

....I wonder how many elevators have security cameras in them?
....what portion of elevator security camera tapes ever get reviewed?
....what portion of reviewers would actually be FFA?

:blush: 

-Ed


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Apr 23, 2007)

rabbitislove said:


> I <3 stretchmarks. God they are so cute <3
> And yes, I'm also the hot chick who likes fat guys.
> It pisses my parents off because they think I'm desperate, but if only they knew.



Hehe, yeah, my parents think it's just a phase. Despite the fact that I've loved it my whole life, they just shrug it off as 'something i'll grow out of'. Silly parents.


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## Tad (Apr 23, 2007)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Hehe, yeah, my parents think it's just a phase. Despite the fact that I've loved it my whole life, they just shrug it off as 'something i'll grow out of'.



Yes, if there is any 'growing out of things' going on I think it will by your guy and his clothes.....

The real key is to find a guy who clearly makes you radiantly happy, as in the end most parents just can't resist someone who makes their kids happy (there are exceptions of course, I hope your parents aren't amongst them). And even if your parents don't approve, well being radiantly happy makes that easier to deal with too....

I know my parents were 'concerned' when my wife was gaining weight and becoming a BBW, but they eventually realized that she ate well and was active, but was never going to stay thin. And I think they also realized that if they tried to makeme choose between her and them they'd lose. So they learned to like her, no matter what initial misgivings. You'll hear a fair number of similar stories around Dimensions. 

Good luck on the middle steps of the process!

-Ed


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## Lady Bella UK (Apr 23, 2007)

My confession is: I've only ever climaxed when making love to a large man...when I have with an average sized man I've had to close my eyes and pretend he was larger, but it never pushed me over.


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## johnnytattoos (Apr 24, 2007)

Lady Bella UK said:


> My confession is: I've only ever climaxed when making love to a large man...when I have with an average sized man I've had to close my eyes and pretend he was larger, but it never pushed me over.


Thick does the trick!


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## Bear (Apr 24, 2007)

Too many people think 'loving big ppl' is a phase, or comes from a lack of self confidence. 

I remember my parents first thought when they saw pictures of my first real gf. She wasnt even that big..... medium built I would say


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## one_shy_writer (Apr 24, 2007)

If it's a phase, it's been 23 years and I haven't grown out of it yet... that's one hell of a phase! LOL


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## lemmink (Apr 25, 2007)

Today, as we were walking back from the shops, I saw some people up ahead in the university campus I live in. I kind of nudged my boyfriend and made him turn around to face me, and said, "Up!" which is usually his cue to lift up his shirt. So we stood around there with our back to these people, and I rubbed his sticky-out belly and giggled in a fairly hysterical way. Bf says that "public belly-rubbing" is obviously the next step for us. It's like sex in public, but with... belly. LOL

But shooosh, don't tell anyone.


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## Qit el-Remel (Apr 25, 2007)

I'm an FFA, but I'm kind of neurotic about my own body.

-Qit


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## growingman (Apr 25, 2007)

I have really enjoyed reading the thoughts on this topic. I have to say I have always been someone who worked out at least a couple hours a day and even taught kung fu at one time, so my body has always been in amazing shape. I was never with women who wanted me any other way, so I never gained weight. However, I have always been turned on by the idea of a woman wanting to make me fatter and have always loved it when any women got near my belly although usually they wanted to touch my belly because loved the six pack I had.

About 4 years ago I started reading about women who were feeders/fas and I finally decided to go ahead and gain. Now I am not huge compared to the bhms people talk about here, but my belly has really grown till it is very round. I have met a few FFAs and even a couple FFeeders but they are so rare and usually live on the other side of the planet. I would love to find a woman into a ltr with this inclination, but as said before I have found personality is much more important than body type to me. 

I continue to date women who would perfere me to lose the weight I have gained and if I ask what would happen if I gained more, they always say they would leave me right away. Still, I love the image and think it is so sexy to have a petite thin woman with a very big guy.


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## littleMISSabby (Apr 27, 2007)

i love big guys with big bellies but i'm obsessive about my own size. If i don't workout I feel really really guilty about eating. I've pretty much spent my entire life battling my weight and trying to keep it under control but I'm attracted to fat guys.who can explain it!?


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## elwood_blues (Apr 27, 2007)

Well, everyone here has such interesting and thought provoking confessions. I feel like mine are very childish now to say the least.

1. I really dont like my ass. While, not huge by anyone's standards, at my weight it seems to really take the bulk of any weight i've ever put on. It's a bit disproportionate to the rest of my frame. It bugs me because I would much rather have more in the belly and sides regions, but I suppose you cant always get what you want.

2. I wish I could be much more comfortable with the idea of being heavier.For many years now my weight has ping ponged back and forth across the board. Up and down, back and forth. Im one of those people who enjoys being chubby and would like to be bigger, but my work keeps me in better shape than I wish it would. And im still not certain that I can find happiness if I really let myself go.

C'est la vie.


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## persimmon (Apr 27, 2007)

Here's more for shallow: I totally have a crush on my nerdy-cute chunky lab instructor!

Epitomizing "married, not dead"

persimmon


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## channelgirl06 (Apr 27, 2007)

i must confess that i like a hunky construction worker with a growing paunch.


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## Nikki (Apr 28, 2007)

This is more of a complaint than a confession.

I'm tired of being stuck out by myself when all of these guys that seem like they're interested in me are too freaking far away. Maybe I'm jsut kidding myself when it comes to that.

Okay, done with rant.


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## butterflyblob (Apr 28, 2007)

Qit el-Remel said:


> I'm an FFA, but I'm kind of neurotic about my own body.
> 
> -Qit



Me too. Me too. Especially because all of the fat guys I've known wanted to date super skinny girls. :-( Strangely, I never, ever get "hit on" by bigger guys, only scrawny ones.

*Persimmon*--I'm with you on Spike, and I'm no fan of skinny guys or blonds. I was a major Spuffy shipper back in the day.

And one more confession: Yesterday I was out of with some of my colleagues. One of them--chubby, gorgeous, perfect belly--was wearing a button-down shirt. The very bottom button had come undone so that you could see a little triangle of belly poking out. :smitten: I spent most of the night trying not to stare at it.


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## Waxwing (Apr 28, 2007)

littleMISSabby said:


> i love big guys with big bellies but i'm obsessive about my own size. If i don't workout I feel really really guilty about eating. I've pretty much spent my entire life battling my weight and trying to keep it under control but I'm attracted to fat guys.who can explain it!?


 
I have a theory about this, which I hope doesn't come across as though I'm implying that you can't just simply admire fat men aesthetically. 

But think about this-- people who are neurotic about their bodies and/or suffer from EDs have such control issues with food. Those of us who struggle with EDs (and I have for many years) can't really imagine just enjoying food with abandon, and without beating ourselves up about it. 

But a handsome heavy guy represents for us freedom around food. It represents that you can eat and even gain weight, and still be happy. 

Does that make sense?


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 29, 2007)

IC I want to eat Waxwing. Or bang her like a gong. I'm open, man.


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## love dubh (Apr 29, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> IC I want to eat Waxwing. Or bang her like a gong. I'm open, man.



Eat her off a gong?


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 29, 2007)

love dubh said:


> Eat her off a gong?



*Shrug.*

You're next, anyway.


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## TCUBOB (Apr 29, 2007)

How about a nice paraphrase? 

"I don't want to work.....I just want to eat off (bang on?) my gong all day......."


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## littleMISSabby (Apr 29, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> I have a theory about this, which I hope doesn't come across as though I'm implying that you can't just simply admire fat men aesthetically.
> 
> But think about this-- people who are neurotic about their bodies and/or suffer from EDs have such control issues with food. Those of us who struggle with EDs (and I have for many years) can't really imagine just enjoying food with abandon, and without beating ourselves up about it.
> 
> ...


That makes sense but i'm not sure that mine even runs that deep. I think when i was younger (and a lot bigger) that I was scared to date a guy that was smaller than me,I wanted it to be obvious that he was bigger. I don't feel that way now because I feel like while i'm still kind of big, i'm more normal looking(proportionate i guess?). But at some point through the years it became a preference and now big guys are pretty much all i'm attracted to.


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## alienlanes (Apr 29, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> I have a theory about this, which I hope doesn't come across as though I'm implying that you can't just simply admire fat men aesthetically.
> 
> But think about this-- people who are neurotic about their bodies and/or suffer from EDs have such control issues with food. Those of us who struggle with EDs (and I have for many years) can't really imagine just enjoying food with abandon, and without beating ourselves up about it.
> 
> ...



Yep. Speaking from the male FA side, I can vouch for this.


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## Tad (May 1, 2007)

I confess I just found a position where my hands can rest comfortably on my belly when I'm sitting totally up-right. Leaning back is easy, but I'm not fat enough that in normal positions my hands rest on my belly well. But I just found that when I flip one over (back of the hand against my body) and lock my other hand around the point where the thumb widens that hand, they rest comfortably on my chub  

-Ed


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## GrowingBoy (May 4, 2007)

Many years ago, when I was thin, an FFA told me that she loved the idea of meeting someone who she hadn't seen for years, who had gained a lot of weight. It was the element of surprise that did it for her -- the idea that someone could be much larger than she anticipated. She said she enjoyed the idea of putting her arms around them and guessing how much weight they had put on. 

Now, 100 pounds later, I imagine meeting her, and hearing her say, with appreciation, "you've gotten soooo fat!"


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## collegeguy2514 (May 5, 2007)

GrowingBoy said:


> Many years ago, when I was thin, an FFA told me that she loved the idea of meeting someone who she hadn't seen for years, who had gained a lot of weight. It was the element of surprise that did it for her -- the idea that someone could be much larger than she anticipated. She said she enjoyed the idea of putting her arms around them and guessing how much weight they had put on.
> 
> Now, 100 pounds later, I imagine meeting her, and hearing her say, with appreciation, "you've gotten soooo fat!"



i like doing this too. not that i'd tell a girl i hadnt seen in forever that she got fat though. 

im surprised i dont get that more often. my senior year of highschool i was 140. now im 225 and growing.


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## Catkin (May 17, 2007)

Bumpidy bump...


Anyway, my confessions:

My best friend (who I only met in September with the start of uni) is well on his way to becoming a BHM  since the start of uni, he's grown a little belly (he's a very broad, tall guy anyways). We watch a lot of films together, and I love it when he stands up to stretch afterwards, as his t-shirt always rides up, and I get to see the belly, with it's lovely little stretchmarks :wubu: I would like to point out now that I'm attracted to his size, (he's 6'3" and must be about 250lbs) but that's it. I've now found out a lot about him, and a lot of his past disturbs me. I did kiss him (drunkenly) when we met, but I was turned down...but oh, am I gonna be jelous of the lucky girl that gets to be hands on with him *sigh* 2nd but...we act like a freakin' couple! We spend most of out free time with each other, and he's always tickling me, or poking my sides, or stuff like that!! Yet he says he is 100% not interested!!  oh, and when we went on holiday at Easter (with a proper couple) we were sharing a room, and he ended up spooning me and cuddling me...help?!

Also...I really, really want to find a BHM here in England, close to me  I've only had one boyfriend (ever! But, I am only 18)...I'm pretty sure this isn't to do with my weight (I'm a 5'9ish and 250lbs girl), but most guys just "see me as a friend"...argh! My ex was a BHM smitten: ), but not a very confident one...he was the "fat kid" of our year. I loved it, but he didn't, and even refused to take his shirt off around me  never did get to sleep with him - obviously, as the issue of trying to keep all clothes on would be a problem - but then we were only together for a few months when we were both 16.


Ahhh, I feel better now  sorry it's a long one, but I'm still pretty much in the FA closet; I told a female friend when we were both drunk, but it's never been mentionned when sober, and I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it.


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## Bear (May 18, 2007)

Complaint:
I get annoyed by people thinking that choosing to be chubby or big(ger) is a second choice. If I could wake up 100 pounds less in the morning, I'd respond with a big NO! I like my size, and would rather be a bit bigger than smaller.

I couldn't stand the thought of being able to hold less food in my belly  I'd rather have the belly be able to hold more lovely food 

Confession:
I've taken quite a few belly pics, and have been thinking of putting up a pic from last year next to a recent one


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## Wanderer (May 19, 2007)

A happy little confession here... I've found an FFA in the Dallas area!:smitten: 

Her name is Heather, and I had a strong hint the first time we met...

I've been helping her with math through my sister (they both go to the same training classes), and she finally came over for some one-on-one tutoring. Well, I was wearing the wifebeater you've seen in my photos. Yep, the one that lets my not-so-big belly peek out just a bit.

She looked down, smiled, and said, "Your belly's showing"... and she touched me, right on the belly.

We've only gone out once as yet... but she likes my stories, she laughs at my jokes, and she goes for fat guys. Of course, I'm not quite up to her taste in size at only 260.

But I'm working on it. Heck, I wanted to get bigger before I ever met her; now I have an even better reason to blimp out. :eat1: 

Yours happily,

The growing-as-best-he-can,

Wanderer


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## Tad (May 22, 2007)

Wanderer said:


> A happy little confession here... I've found an FFA in the Dallas area!:smitten:
> 
> Her name is Heather, and I had a strong hint the first time we met...



Awesome!

Best wishes for many happy (and filling) days to come 

-Ed


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## fatlilboy (May 22, 2007)

I have had this fantasy a LONG time brewing......and I heard that there are a LOT of others who share it, but won't ever admit it. It stems from Hansel and Gretel and the Pigs is Pigs videos.....being a kid and fantasizing about such things. The entire fantasy of being kidnapped or tricked or force abducted (albeit playfully and sort of from a submissive perspective), and then being brought to a place to be forcibly fattened up. Then....after being fattened....constantly being monitored...measured....poked and prodded to see how plump I'm growing.....and how tasty I'd be after being fully fattened. Then, prepared to be stuffed to be eaten. Now, I'm not into the traditional cannabalism at all....don't get me wrong. I just like the FANTASY of it. There are others that just go too far......yuck....hate blood. Totally a turn off for me. If you're into that, enjoy....just don't hurt anyone.

Now...back to me.....the fantasy is all about being caged or trapped like an animal and then fattened like one for eventually being eaten. There was a Porky Pig cartoon where he was fishing....and then caught by another fish....and then his clothing was shorn off until he was naked and then salted and peppered, with an apple stuffed into his mouth....tickled by others....and then put into a pot with onions, peppers, cellery, carrots, and then stuffed into an onion. It was HOT.......to say the least (pardon the pun).

Anyone else share this confession? I know....it's kinda weird, but I do feel that many share it deep down....BOTH men AND women alike.


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## one_shy_writer (May 22, 2007)

I can't say I share it directly, but I can at least understand its appeal. If that makes you feel any better.


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## Zandoz (May 22, 2007)

Yesterday I was quite happy to see that the teen girl (I'm guessing around 15) across the street may well be a budding FFA. For the last year or so, there have been a lot of "normal sized" boy hounds circling and sniffing about, and she seemed to be ignoring them. Yesterday she was walking up the street with her mom, sister, and several of those boy hounds in procession...but she was holding hands with a BHT. When they got home there was about a half hour "boys showing off" fest trying to get her attention, to no avail. When the mom broke things up, before the boys left, the girl gave the BHT a peck on the cheek...and ignored the rest.


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## HDANGEL15 (May 22, 2007)

Bear said:


> Complaint:
> I get annoyed by people thinking that choosing to be chubby or big(ger) is a second choice. If I could wake up 100 pounds less in the morning, I'd respond with a big NO! I like my size, and would rather be a bit bigger than smaller.
> 
> I couldn't stand the thought of being able to hold less food in my belly  I'd rather have the belly be able to hold more lovely food
> ...



*
i remember how amazing your belly *WAS* when first posted...pls do share b4 / after...nothing is much more erotic then the contrasts, alrighty ya..i can think of maybe one or 2 things heheheh * :smitten:


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## Crumbling (Jul 11, 2007)

I once did an experiment with Tootsie Roll Pops to find out 'how many licks?'

I defined my method and carried it out 12 times and then averaged the results.

It took ~4 hours.

I've since lost my notes and forgotten the results.

Sorry.


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## Melian (Jul 12, 2007)

Zandoz said:


> Yesterday I was quite happy to see that the teen girl (I'm guessing around 15) across the street may well be a budding FFA. For the last year or so, there have been a lot of "normal sized" boy hounds circling and sniffing about, and she seemed to be ignoring them. Yesterday she was walking up the street with her mom, sister, and several of those boy hounds in procession...but she was holding hands with a BHT. When they got home there was about a half hour "boys showing off" fest trying to get her attention, to no avail. When the mom broke things up, before the boys left, the girl gave the BHT a peck on the cheek...and ignored the rest.



Awwww...I love this.


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## FeederFemme (Jul 27, 2007)

I sometimes feel a bit frustrated in my relationship. My partner is agreeable about gaining and says that he enjoys it and gets turned on to the extent that he likes that I get turned on by it - but I wish he would be into it as much as I am. I feel like I have to hold back a little on the fat appreciation in case I make him feel weird. His growing moobs are so sexy to me and I wish I could play with them more but I don't want him to feel emasculated which I think he might. To be honest, it's probably partly my paranoia that I'm going to jeapordise our relationship after recently "coming out", so to speak, about my preferences.

I also find stretch marks on guys a big turn on. My boyfriend only has a few tiny ones. I confess to looking at other bigger BHM bellies online that have more prominent marks and wishing his belly would grow that way. 

Sometimes I fantasise about having a relationship with someone who's as turned on by weight gain as I am rather than someone who puts up with it and does it because he'd do anything to make me happy. I know I'm lucky to have a guy like that but I just want to feel that he enjoys it as much as I do - maybe I could let go more then.


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## Qit el-Remel (Jul 27, 2007)

edx said:


> The term &#8216;girl crush’ is used on this board and in pop culture enough that I think most people get the unstated definition—that it is a platonic crush of one woman on another. So how come nobody seems to use the term &#8216;boy crush’ in the same way?


I've heard—and used—the expression "boy crush." (They actually used it on that show _American Dad_...which I quit watching because I despise Seth McFarlane...)


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## Laina (Jul 27, 2007)

FeederFemme said:


> I sometimes feel a bit frustrated in my relationship. My partner is agreeable about gaining and says that he enjoys it and gets turned on to the extent that he likes that I get turned on by it - but I wish he would be into it as much as I am. I feel like I have to hold back a little on the fat appreciation in case I make him feel weird. His growing moobs are so sexy to me and I wish I could play with them more but I don't want him to feel emasculated which I think he might. To be honest, it's probably partly my paranoia that I'm going to jeapordise our relationship after recently "coming out", so to speak, about my preferences.
> 
> I also find stretch marks on guys a big turn on. My boyfriend only has a few tiny ones. I confess to looking at other bigger BHM bellies online that have more prominent marks and wishing his belly would grow that way.
> 
> Sometimes I fantasise about having a relationship with someone who's as turned on by weight gain as I am rather than someone who puts up with it and does it because he'd do anything to make me happy. I know I'm lucky to have a guy like that but I just want to feel that he enjoys it as much as I do - maybe I could let go more then.



I find I'm not really in the frame of mind to write out an entire confession...can I just shout "seconded on all counts" to yours? Maybe I'll be more awake tomorrow and I can consider an...actual...post.  Man, that'd be weird.


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## Qit el-Remel (Jul 27, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> I'm a het male FA, but I definitely get occasional "boy crushes" on skinny, androgynous guys. They don't arouse me sexually, so I don't consider myself bi, but they're definitely erotic in the sense we've been using it over in the Weight Board thread. I find them aesthetically stimulating, like a Greek statue or a Mondrian painting or something.


In other words, you notice bishies?  



fat hiker said:


> Substitute "tubby, heavily muscled guys" for "skinny androgynous" guys, and I often feel the same way - and like slackerFA, I think it's because of what I would 'like' to look like myself. They are aesthetically pleasing.


Can't fault your taste in men. 

-Qit


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## rabbitislove (Jul 27, 2007)

Qit el-Remel said:


> I've heardand usedthe expression "boy crush." (They actually used it on that show _American Dad_...which I quit watching because I despise Seth McFarlane...)



I also despise Seth Macfarlane. He has that date rapist vibe about him.


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## StridentDionysus (Jul 28, 2007)

Confession: Can't think of one.
Complaint: My life sucks, my country sucks and the freaking world as a whole sucks.
Thoughts: Suicidal ones mostly
Secrets: Same as with the confession.


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## Melian (Jul 28, 2007)

rabbitislove said:


> I also despise Seth Macfarlane. He has that date rapist vibe about him.



Confession: I would love to nail Seth MacFarlane


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## StridentDionysus (Jul 29, 2007)

Confession: I'm FREAKING STARVING!!!! I'm not into feeding and that stuff but god damn! I would like some of that right now T_T:eat1:

Secret (not that secret but the best I can do ): I buy toys but not collect them. I unpack them and play with them like all kids should . AND I HAVE FUN!


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## DjGreedyG (Jul 30, 2007)

Confession: Can't think of one right now.

Complaint: My dad is DEMANDING that I lose weight. He says I'll be dead before 50. I'm 38 and 320lbs, 6 foot 4. I'm happy with who I am and my size though. I'm healthy and have a decent social life.

Thought: I think that this forum is the best place I've found for BHM/FFAs.


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## Nastya_Loves (Jul 31, 2007)

Confession: i can't think of one right now lol xD

Complaint: my mom is sooooooooooo annoying about my preferences... :s 

Tought: I think it's time for me to tell my parents im bi... :s

Secret: I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv degrassi!! xD... i know... im a little girl


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## cute_obese_girl (Aug 1, 2007)

I confess the other night I had a dream about a cute BHM...but he was a bad kisser, you know the overly slobbery kind of thing  What's up with that? You'd think my dreams would be the place where it would be perfect.


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## Qit el-Remel (Aug 1, 2007)

DjGreedyG said:


> Confession: Can't think of one right now.
> 
> Complaint: My dad is DEMANDING that I lose weight. He says I'll be dead before 50. I'm 38 and 320lbs, 6 foot 4. I'm happy with who I am and my size though. I'm healthy and have a decent social life.


Then your dad is a...

No, I won't say it. But he's wrong, and he's treating you like a little boy. Not cool.

-Qit


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## Ry&#333;ri (Aug 1, 2007)

I've always wanted to be fat since I could remember. I watched sumo wrestling games on ESPN and thought of what I'd have to eat in order to get that big. Between the ages of 11 and 13 I gained about 150 lbs putting me at about 270. I loved who I was but then middle school and high school came around. While in school I depretly wanted to lose weight just so I could get have a girlfriend. When I went to Disney for my internship this past summer, I had no money for food and lived off of ramen most of the time and I lost almost 40 lbs. I was happy and yet sad all at the same time. I've been so used to being big that anything other then that just feels...weird in my opinion. And I feel as though it's not convincing yourself of what you truely are but trying to explain to people that this is what you like and there is no changing that.

As a chef my biggest turn on is a girl that eats and has a little extra meat. It just freaks my chefy sences out when someone doesn't eat and I can see they're rib cage.

Oh, and my longest relationship was 4 years to my previous ex who ended up cheating on me with a guy 2x my size.


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## desi7482 (Aug 1, 2007)

I just signed up and this is my first posting. I am a 25 year old BHM and had no idea that there were any woman called FFA's. I never even cosidered it. I just figured that women preferred a normal size guy. All the women I have dated liked me for me which is good, but the thought of someone actually being attracted to me by my physical appearance is great. I just hope that I can get to chat with some of you and meet some really great people. So, since I am posting in this thread, I guess I am confessing that i was oblivious to the fact that FFA's even existed and that I want to change that and meet some of these beautiful women.


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## StridentDionysus (Aug 1, 2007)

Complaint: I'm dying T_T. Stupid flu is killing me and nobody cares  .

Secret: I fell for a girl I can't have . Sucks eh?


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## StridentDionysus (Aug 2, 2007)

Yay me again! 

Confession: I stayed up til 5 am last night playing UNO and Aegis Wing on Xbox Live . And I'm doing it again today...

Confession 2: I'm just about to go to sleep


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## skinnygrl (Aug 2, 2007)

ok ,here's my complaint-confession-secret.
I'm quite frustrated, My boyfriend and I have been together for a while, he's always been sort of chubby. When we first started dating he started to loose the weight  He really wasn't getting what I was saying ...at all! I think it was really hard for him to believe that I wasn't just being nice to him. Anyway,after several talks and chats( I _mean _several) He has been gaining some weight since then. Now I really enjoy his body!, he's so sexy but I don't want him to feel uncomfortable with me rubbing his belly...it's kind of hard not to pay attention to the type of body I enjoy.


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## cammy (Aug 2, 2007)

Maybe you should have a "belly touching" discussion with him. IMO, grabbing the fattest part of your SO is SOP. I love to rub my guy's belly and to slide my hands under his hang and do both as often as possible.

My confession - I'm anxious for school to start!


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## keith (Aug 3, 2007)

i am a total lurker, used to post a fair amount years ago on the old boards, but as i've gotten bigger, i've grown increasingly incapable of doing so. I'll type up a post like this or a pm and just delete it. my self-loathing-induced introversion has become crippling, both socially and professionally. I love this place, but really can not hack the dichotomy of what i see professed here and what i experience in RL any longer. i'm just sick of the endless comments from "well-meaning" friends, and family, and hell even just acquaintances who feel perfectly free to express their "concerns" about my health, when they don't know anything more than the fact that i'm fat. 

So i guess the confession is that i'm caving in, and i guess bidding adieu to the boards for at least a while. 

wishing you all more strength than i have,
~k


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## fatstuart1975 (Aug 5, 2007)

OK, I'm probably gonna double up here, but here are some of my confessions.

1) I originally started gaining on purpose because I was stuck in a long term relationship with a thin girl and needed to experience fat somehow, so much, that if not with a fat girl then get fat myself.

2) Since getting out of that relationship, I'm now with a bbw and I am so open with her about my attraction to her, big girls and that I'm ok with her getting bigger if she does - and despite her being into me and my size and my belly and moobs - I'm afraid to tell her I'm into gaining and I want to get alot fatter on purpose because I know she doesn't want me to get much bigger.

3) I like how getting fat feminises my body.

4) As much as I love my gf to bits - I still wish I was with a girl that was into feeding me up and really indulge in that fantasy and make it a reality.

5) Not only does my own growing fat body turn me on, I get turned on by the limitations being fat and getting fatter are happening to me. Like getting out of breath walking up stairs, not being able to keep up pace with skinny friends or being able to squeeze into chairs.

6) And finally sometimes I hate the fact that there is no or little Fat and fat positive movement here in the UK. It makes meeting BBWs and SSBBWs that are comfortable and confident in themselves way harder than in America.

Fatstuart


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## Britannia (Dec 25, 2007)

I feel much more comfortable with confessing these two things here than on the regular board:

1) I consider myself a feeder... there's nothing sexier than a man with a very full stomach.

2) I do get off thinking about gaining weight myself. I'd never do it, because I'm too insecure and do buy into the whole "I need to be thin to be considered beautiful" thing, but I look forward to the day when I find a man I want to have a child with, not only because that in itself is a fantastic thing but because then I can be fat without negative stigma from general society.

#2 might piss some people off because of the whole size-acceptance thing, but it's a pretty big secret/complex of mine. I'd never have the balls to tell people IRL... so please be kind.


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## Melian (Dec 25, 2007)

Britannia said:


> I feel much more comfortable with confessing these two things here than on the regular board:
> 
> 1) I consider myself a feeder... there's nothing sexier than a man with a very full stomach.
> 
> ...



I agree with you on both counts. 

1. DEFINITELY looking forward to cooking my bf's favourite dinner when I get back from the parents' xmas celebration (he always overdoes it...hehehehe *evil grin* ), then f'ing him like there's no tomorrow. Seeing his belly hang and hearing things slosh around....*fans self*...ok moving on.

2. You can appreciate fat people without being fat yourself. I love me some fat men and women, but prefer to stay thin, myself. Best of both worlds; enjoy your fantasies!


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## Fatgator (Dec 25, 2007)

My confession I think is relatively common among BHM/FFAs...but I LOVE the ideas of being with a thinner FFA...I love the contrast, I'd like the idea of seeing just how fat I am beside her. 

I would love my belly to be rubbed, I'd love to be stuffed...and admittedly to be teased about my weight...called fat names, etc. I love feeling fat, so the "meaner" it is, the fatter I feel. (Though of course it's not actually mean to me, it's all positive).

Other confessions...um well..I'm into girls feet as well..so a girl using my belly as a foot rest would be awesome...that way her feet could be all warm and on a soft belly like mine..and she could play with my belly all day.

Umm...I think I have a ton of confessions....but basically I LOVE feeling fat...anything that makes me feel even fatter, I'm for..(I'm a student in college..so those desks with the chairs attached to the desk...I get stuck in those....and still eating candy bars and drinking sodas while stuck lol)

I'm sure I have a ton more to say but that's it for now...I've never really expressed this in public before...so I might sound weird...please be nice..:blush:


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## Fatgator (Dec 25, 2007)

I have one big confession that I feel a bit ashamed of. I believe in treating women with respect and dignity and as Queens, so I would want to take care of the girl I get, or at least we each take care of each other, emotionally, financially, etc...but my confession is...

I wish I could find an FFA that...if I lived with, she wouldn't mind working, and me staying home and not work...I like the idea of being able to be a fat lazy guy in a way that I could just sit and eat all day and not lose calories by working...she could provide the food etc..and when we are together, of course she could feed me and we have fun in all the physical ways that we both like...

I know this must make me sound very selfish and maybe unattractive...I mean of course I would go out with her and stuff..just I wouldn't work so I could keep eating and getting fatter...

Also, I love the idea of the girl think I'm a fat pig, and coming home with donuts and pizzas without even asking me if I wanted it. She'd know that I was a fatty and assume I wanted it...also when we would go out to eat, if she couldn't finish what was on her plate, she'd just dump her food in with mine without asking if I wanted it...again she'd assume that I'd want it...all this would be fun to me...though it probably sounds so odd.


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 25, 2007)

Britannia said:


> I feel much more comfortable with confessing these two things here than on the regular board:
> 
> 1) I consider myself a feeder... there's nothing sexier than a man with a very full stomach.
> 
> ...



If that turns you on, then so what? There is definitely a nuance between "fantasy that gets me off" and "thing I'd actually put into practice." The mere fact that you get sexually aroused by something but don't choose to change your own body is nothing to feel silly over. 

Feeding? Common. You sure can talk about that on the other boards.


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## Koldun (Dec 25, 2007)

Confession: I've never found a feedee/feeder type of person to play with - but would really like too....


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## Koldun (Dec 25, 2007)

A mutual gainer would be fun - but just feedee/feeder would do.


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## StridentDionysus (Dec 26, 2007)

Thought (yesterday while eating xmas diner): I'm a damn good cook  :eat1:

Complaint: My tummy still aches from eating too much 

Confession: I'm trying to get a CES press pass even tho I'm not press and I'm soooo not going 

Secret: I watched Blade Runner, Predator and Taxi Driver for the first time yesterday... all alone (after cooking diner) :doh:


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## justpengy (Dec 26, 2007)

A confession...

I wish that my boyfriend was more accepting about his size. That way, I wouldn't feel guilty for being so attracted to his 350 lbs. To me, there is nothing hotter than him after a huge meal when I can rub his stomach and snuggle up to every inch of him. And, while he does go with it, I know that he is not as into it as I am and it shows when there are times when he doesn't want me loving on his stomach. 

And another confession? I wish he was into the food thing as much as I am because I would love to have him feeding me.


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## Tad (Dec 26, 2007)

justpengy said:


> A confession...
> 
> I wish that my boyfriend was more accepting about his size. That way, I wouldn't feel guilty for being so attracted to his 350 lbs. To me, there is nothing hotter than him after a huge meal when I can rub his stomach and snuggle up to every inch of him. And, while he does go with it, I know that he is not as into it as I am and it shows when there are times when he doesn't want me loving on his stomach.
> 
> And another confession? I wish he was into the food thing as much as I am because I would love to have him feeding me.



Hey Pengy, welcome  If you go reading through various threads on the weight board, you'll find that you are hardly alone.....more often it is guys wishing their girlfriend was more accepting of her size, and that she would feed him, but I think the situation ends up being much the same. When you really like the person, but your sexuality doesn't match up as well as you like....it is a hard situation. Their body confidence might increase, but their sexuality is not apt to change, so they are not ever apt to be 'into' fat and feeding. Nor is your sexuality apt to change, so even if you don't actually do it, you are probably always going to be at least fantasizing about it. And when I say sexuality, I realize that really it is beyond just sex.

So yah, it is good to recognize that you have this mis-match, the bugger is deciding what to do about it, accept it, or look for someone who you match up better with in that regard? 

Anyway, best of luck, and I do hope that at the least he becomes more accepting of his size.

-Ed


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## Tad (Dec 26, 2007)

Britannia said:


> I feel much more comfortable with confessing these two things here than on the regular board:
> 
> 1) I consider myself a feeder... there's nothing sexier than a man with a very full stomach.
> 
> ...



Aaahhhh, now doesn't that feel better?  Seriously, I don't think anyone here will be pissed off. It is your body, and it is up to you to decide what to do with it. And it is great to unload those secrets, and find out that.....it doesn't really shock people much.

My french beach analogy: For a couple of years when I was a teen, my family lived in Paris, France. A lot of friends of my parents used this as an excuse to finally tour france, and a lot started and ended their trip staying with us. Multiple times I heard basically the same story: They go to the south coast, where the beaches are generally topless. At first the woman indignantly announces that SHE would never do that. Then after an hour or so, she begins to feel self-conscious, because she seems to be the only woman on the beach with her top covered. Finally, feeling greatly daring, she takes her top off. She looks around, and sees that nobody is gawking, nobody is laughing at her, that overall, nobody is paying much attention. When you are surrounded by thousands of topless women, one more is not much different from the rest.

In other words, most of us here have things that we would be uncomfortable telling most people out in the world, and we have things that we might be ashamed of, or that we are insecure about. They are all unique, but we all have them. It is not a horrible thing to keep them to yourself if you want to, but since here you can talk about them, why not? It can't hurt 

A couple of thoughts though.

- As you get older, you may find you get more secure. As you do so, you might find you worry less what others think of your body, and more about what works for you. So you may or may not end up caring about staying so thin, and when you have kids, you may or may not want to make a bit change in your body beyond what pregnancy already does.

- Ummm, yah, there is still stigma to being fat when you are a mom. It is probably somewhat more accepted, just because more of them are fat. I think if anything the reason it may not be so obvious is that many mom's have different priorities than what others think of them, so they just don't fret it as much. Having said that, the whole pregnancy thing could be a good landmark for you, the point when you want to try something different.

Thanks for sharing your feelings, and I hope this was not too much of a 'Dad' lecture :doh:


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 26, 2007)

edx said:


> Aaahhhh, now doesn't that feel better?  Seriously, I don't think anyone here will be pissed off. It is your body, and it is up to you to decide what to do with it. And it is great to unload those secrets, and find out that.....it doesn't really shock people much.
> 
> My french beach analogy: For a couple of years when I was a teen, my family lived in Paris, France. A lot of friends of my parents used this as an excuse to finally tour france, and a lot started and ended their trip staying with us. Multiple times I heard basically the same story: They go to the south coast, where the beaches are generally topless. At first the woman indignantly announces that SHE would never do that. Then after an hour or so, she begins to feel self-conscious, because she seems to be the only woman on the beach with her top covered. Finally, feeling greatly daring, she takes her top off. She looks around, and sees that nobody is gawking, nobody is laughing at her, that overall, nobody is paying much attention. When you are surrounded by thousands of topless women, one more is not much different from the rest.
> 
> ...



that she'd be larger due to pregnancy, not that she'd gain a bunch of weight after she had kids. I could be wrong though.

If "more of them are fat" and it's accepted because they have "different priorities", well, I/C that idea sort of pisses me off. Is it supposed to be accepted to abandon good health habits when you have kids? Is there some sort of societal nod to women abandoning their standards of beauty merely because the addition of children is supposed to make them so "other" oriented that they won't focus on working out or eating healthfully?

Or worse, does being a mother mean it's accepted, if not encouraged, to no longer worry about being a sexually attractive being? (presuming that pre-children they felt attractive at a certain size) Like "Oh, you're a mom now, no more 'fretting' over such superficial things as getting to the gym or eating salad."


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## cammy (Dec 27, 2007)

I love that this thread has been resurrected.

I confess that I bake and cook very fattening foods in large quantities and leave them for my BHM to raid when I'm not looking - like in the middle of the night. He knows I'm into his gaining, but he's always complaining to me about how heavy he's gotten. But with a gain of 50 pounds in 3 years, I'm thinking he's secretly loving his gain. Ymmmmm....


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## Tad (Dec 27, 2007)

cammy said:


> I love that this thread has been resurrected.
> 
> I confess that I bake and cook very fattening foods in large quantities and leave them for my BHM to raid when I'm not looking - like in the middle of the night. .



I confess that I'm just a big jealous of him....being encouraged to raid baking in the middle of the night? *swoon*


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## Tad (Dec 27, 2007)

I confess that while out shopping the post-Christmas sales, I wandered into a couple of trendy/youth oriented shops, and verified that indeed, I'm a size or two two big to buy pants there. Sometimes around here I feel small, so it is good to be reminde that by the standards of most of the world I'm actually rather fat.

-Ed


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## Kazak (Dec 28, 2007)

I've never had a girlfriend or even been on a date. Every girl that I've ever asked out has said no. I always figured they said no cuz I was fat.


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## Miss (Dec 29, 2007)

edx said:


> I confess that while out shopping the post-Christmas sales, I wandered into a couple of trendy/youth oriented shops, and verified that indeed, I'm a size or two two big to buy pants there. Sometimes around here I feel small, so it is good to be reminde that by the standards of most of the world I'm actually rather fat.
> 
> -Ed



My confession is that sometimes I feel guilty because of my view of beauty. It's difficult to get clothes for him (as many trips and one failed attempt to make bondage pants has proved), he gets uncomfortable in the heat (me, I freeze at any temperature below 20 degrees centigrade) and, of course, the dreaded "chub rub" in summer has ruined some days (I'm not exactly fit, but am used to walking around town all day, he isn't so much)

Complaints - Confidence! Most BHM's are fairly shy, and it's quiet annoying as I'm usually pretty loud and consequently scare them away. Current Boy is pretty confident most of the time, has no trouble getting himself female admirers - he's the kind of guy other guys should watch out for because if their girlfriend is upset with them, he is the guy who treats them with respect and sensitivity, makes them laugh and gives good hugs, and occasionally the hugs lead to a bit more.
Anyway, whilst he's more confident then most I know, he still isn't 100% confident about his figure and drapes himself in big shirts that don't suit him. 

Thoughts - moobs, belly rolls, warm soft skin and cute little love handles all equal yum. I've just not been turned on by smaller guys in the same way before. Falling asleep on his belly is placed only second to falling asleep in his big arms, snuggled into him. 

Secrets - I'm a recovering from an ED and so are a large amount of my friends. I try not to overthink this because whilst it's related, it's certainly not the major factor in things. I would like to be around 20 pounds lighter so I could be half his weight, be tiny and slight for him and for the feeling of being tiny and slight with him. I'd be tempted to say I want him to gain my 20 if I lost it, but I know he doesn't want to. He used to be heavier and didn't like it, but I wonder if it were a combination of heat and being 17/18 and surrounded by 17/18 year olds.


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## BHMluver (Dec 29, 2007)

Scrubbed_In said:


> I must confess:
> 
> Though my only experience with girlfriends have been girls from 170ish lbs to around 350ish lbs., I would really like to experience a skinny girl (100-130ish lbs). I love the thought of being with a girl that's less than half my size - a definite fantasy.



In that same vein, my husband is _several_ times mine since (me - 115, him - upper 400's or lower 500's, not sure - doesn't weigh himself). Sometimes when he is on top of me and I catch a glimpse of our reflection in the bedroom mirror, it turns me to know that I can "handle" a man of his girth. <giggle> :eat2:


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## belfast4life (Jan 3, 2008)

well said iam a bhm and i think what you wrote is very good form


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## fat hiker (Jan 4, 2008)

Fatgator said:


> I have one big confession that I feel a bit ashamed of. I believe in treating women with respect and dignity and as Queens, so I would want to take care of the girl I get, or at least we each take care of each other, emotionally, financially, etc...but my confession is...
> 
> I wish I could find an FFA that...if I lived with, she wouldn't mind working, and me staying home and not work...I like the idea of being able to be a fat lazy guy in a way that I could just sit and eat all day and not lose calories by working...she could provide the food etc..and when we are together, of course she could feed me and we have fun in all the physical ways that we both like...
> 
> ...



It sounds to me like you need to find a line of employment that you can do from home - that way, you get to avoid 'losing calories by working' and yet avoid the apparent guilt trip of being a 'fat lazy pig' who just sponges off her. Something you can do with a telephone and a computer while snacking all day.... 

There are jobs like that you know!

Or, you may just find a woman who wants a 'kept man', and has the money to carry it off. After all, if your fantasy worked out right, she might well be rich enough not to work either.... or also to work from home. There used to be a piece of fiction on this topic - about a guy who worked in the financial industry, who married an FFA. He steadily got fat, as did she, and when he grew too big for his employer's liking, he opened a home-based consultancy, ate, operated his computer, traded on-line and grew bigger - a lot bigger! She was a home economics prof at a county college, so of course her students' food projects just became stock for his ever-larger meals... IIRC, he topped out in the story around the 1000 pound mark, and she at 600 or so.


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## Molly (Jan 7, 2008)

This is like the Post Secret for FFA/BHM.

Honestly I have nothing to confess that i would feel comfortable spilling.


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## Fatgator (Jan 7, 2008)

Isn't that the point of the thread though? To reveal the secrets you have, whether you feel comfortable spilling them or not.


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## Molly (Jan 7, 2008)

Alright, its big for me, but obvious to this community.

#1 I love fat guys, I can't help turning to get a second look. My husband has no idea that I come here to talk about this and I intend to keep it that way. I would be embarrassed to admit everything I share here with him for fear that he will think I am a weird creep, even though he loves me and knows that I prefer big men. He is a firm believer that everything on the internet is PUBLIC and therefore should not be guarded, he thinks I am silly and secretive. 

#2 I would share my sketchbook with NOBODY, but I share my art with the WORLD via internet. I don't share my sketchbook with my husband because it is full of drawings of fat guys, fantasy and scribbles of writings.

#3 I am ashamed to not be more honest with him, but I am beyond embarrassed to discuss this with him.

and last, but not least...

#4 I worry that if I die tomorrow, my family will go through my sketchbooks and find out what a strange young woman I really am. What would they think?


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## Fatgator (Jan 7, 2008)

Molly...first I must commend you for admitting what you have. That takes a lot of courage.

Next, if you're worried about what your family would think about your sketchbooks if you died, why don't you write a letter to them in the sketchbook? Explain to them the kind of woman you are, your desires, and even this website or something. I am sure they won't think you're strange, and will still love you no matter what.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 7, 2008)

Molly said:


> #4 I worry that if I die tomorrow, my family will go through my sketchbooks and find out what a strange young woman I really am. What would they think?



I'm a writer and I have lots of files and notebooks that I would never want anyone else to see. This is definitely a fear of mine too.


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## 54xl (Jan 7, 2008)

:blush:


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## Melian (Jan 7, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> I'm a writer and I have lots of files and notebooks that I would never want anyone else to see. This is definitely a fear of mine too.



Wow, thirded on that one.

I would die a second death if family members found some of my documents. Now that I think about it, maybe I should do a regular house-cleaning, of sorts.


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## orinoco (Jan 7, 2008)

doesn't everyone have incriminating documents on their computer? i have all sorts of notes, stories, pictures and vids that i wouldn't want getting into the wrong hands so i keep them on a memory stick around my neck with all sorts of password protectiony stuff on it


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## Molly (Jan 8, 2008)

Fatgator said:


> Molly...first I must commend you for admitting what you have. That takes a lot of courage.
> 
> Next, if you're worried about what your family would think about your sketchbooks if you died, why don't you write a letter to them in the sketchbook? Explain to them the kind of woman you are, your desires, and even this website or something. I am sure they won't think you're strange, and will still love you no matter what.



Actually, I have put some disclaimers in a few of my sketchbooks... but the cover is usually riddled with "touch and die" sentiments. I am not organized enough with my drawings (I tend to go through loose-leaf phases where I only draw on loose paper) So my stuff is sometimes all over the place. A couple weeks ago I demolished a good handful of old sketchbooks so I feel a bit better.

I don't keep any of my VERY personal art on our computer, I only upload, and then delete. I do have public friendly art that I am pretty happy with, but I never mix the two. I wouldn't put any of my BHM stuff on deviantart, for example... too many friends and relatives see that stuff. Actually, I was going to do a very tasteful BHM piece and display it with my other stuff, just to be daring... as a first step to revealing a bit more about myself.

I'm glad I am not the only one who worries about this stuff...


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Jan 8, 2008)

IC I have writings too that I know folks would wonder about me.

IC that I am now a published dirty poet...well I got paid for the poem, but it isn't published until April.

I'm thinking about starting a dirty poetry website/podcast.


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## HDANGEL15 (Jan 8, 2008)

*IC that i have a wicked huge crush on this personal trainer at my gym..he is only 5'6 and 240 SOLID AS HELL..except for this sexy little belly he has..since he is not competing right now*:smitten:


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## Laina (Jan 16, 2008)

orinoco said:


> doesn't everyone have incriminating documents on their computer? i have all sorts of notes, stories, pictures and vids that i wouldn't want getting into the wrong hands so i keep them on a memory stick around my neck with all sorts of password protectiony stuff on it



Now I feel left out. I'm boring. So boring that my parents were worried about me as a teenager. I actually hid a file on their computer and labeled it "P.RN", but it was only my taxes from the previous year. 

All of MY incriminating pictures are scattered throughout my lame social-networking profiles. HAH!


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## BigFusionNYC (Jan 17, 2008)

I've been reading the posts and finding a lot of well thought out, personal thoughts from everyone, and hope whoever has a problem can find answers for them or at the very least consolation from the other folks in here.

As for me my thoughts on being a BHM is basically that I have been with women in the past, who were FFA's and were 'fat-tolerant' (for lack of a better term). I have had good relationships with women that were into me for me, and women that were into me for me AND thought it was hot that I was fat. 

Right now I'm 28 years old and I'm really not looking for a woman to sleep with once or twice and that's that. I'd like to find something meaningful with potential to run for a length of time. You know like actually get married and have a life and future together. But right now I'm torn. My options are extremely low in the hopes to find an FFA that really likes me and the weight is a bonus, or to find a woman that likes me for me and isn't hung up that I'm overweight. I've had plenty of women be interested in me but couldn't get past the fact that I was so heavy. So nothing ever blossomed with those women. My friends and people on here say "oh it's their loss you're a good guy, weight shouldn't be an issue" but the cold hard fact is simply that Weight IS an issue. So even though I am healthy, and love being a fat guy, have no real desire to diet and lose weight, and am very comfortable with myself and confident as a human being, it's troubling that all my good qualities are overlooked because of the high number that appears when I step on a scale.....


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## babette (Feb 2, 2008)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> #1 & 3 = Me.
> 
> Yeah, I did that exact same thing when I was little. I stuffed my shirts with pillows and did the whole flip book thing.
> In every single picture I drew as a child, I drew myself as a stick figure and everyone else was drawn as a circle.
> ...


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## lady of the dark (Feb 2, 2008)

babette said:


> i did that too, stuffed my shirts and look myself in the mirror for a long time,



I recognize so much stuff here! I did the very same thing! (and sometimes I still do :blush


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## Roy C. (Feb 4, 2008)

I always take a quick look at other big guys bellies, a get a little jealous of those that have a bit of size on me. I too was a pillow stuffer as a kid. One of my first memories of excitement was watching a cartoon that had a mouse drinking a solution that made it grow to scare the cat, then the cat drank some, and they both drank more and more. The exciting part was that they seemed to get fatter and fatter....


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## jchild (Feb 4, 2008)

I confess that I am attracted by a girl that can pick me up and man handle me, haha it's only happened once she was about 5'10" maybe 150 lbs and I am 6'0" near 400 lbs. 

Of course I like anything that tosses me like a rag doll, usually takes about an 8 foot wave to crest on my chest to toss me head over heels, too much fun!


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## HDANGEL15 (Feb 4, 2008)

*i bet i could manhandle you on a waterbed* >>>insert EVIL GIRN<<<


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Feb 5, 2008)

I confess that i've always wanted to be with an older woman. Perhaps only 10 all the way up to 20 years older. The biggest age difference between me and another girl i've been with was 2 years.


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## jchild (Feb 5, 2008)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *i bet i could manhandle you on a waterbed* >>>insert EVIL GIRN<<<



haha I would certainly be at a disadvantage there


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## JerseyGirl07093 (Feb 5, 2008)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> I confess that i've always wanted to be with an older woman. Perhaps only 10 all the way up to 20 years older. The biggest age difference between me and another girl i've been with was 2 years.



I confess I've _been_ the older woman. The biggest age difference was when I was about 35 and he was about 23.


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## HDANGEL15 (Feb 14, 2008)

*IC when I first got to the internet I had another s/n and still use it with some
and it is embarassingly *WENDYROCKS*, go figure*


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## anybodys (Feb 19, 2008)

I feel you. It's frustrating when I want to play with my boyfriend's tummy and he gets this sad look and goes, "please don't get all weird and fetishy right now." I can't indulge myself and fully enjoy his body without making him feel "grotesquely fat" and disgusting, even though he's quite small by y'all's standards.


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## Allie Cat (Feb 24, 2008)

I've always kind of wanted to gain, be fat, all that jazz, ever since I could remember... but I've never actually gone ahead and done it, for the usual reasons; fear of rejection, fear of not being able to find female companionship, and so on. But I suspect that if I found a girl who was actually interested in seeing me heavier I'd jump in head first.


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## Highsteppa (Feb 24, 2008)

I'm seriously considering gaining and eventually opening my own pay site if the response was positive.

I got themes in mind for each set, all kinds of ideas and a willing photographer (gf) who'd want to help me gain, and possibly even participate.


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## Allie Cat (Feb 24, 2008)

Would women pay for a man-paysite though? Most I've met seem to be less sight-oriented than us guys. Meh. x.x


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## Highsteppa (Feb 24, 2008)

I'm willing to give my entrepenuerial spirit the benefit of the doubt.  At least I'll have a niche market if I did pull it off.


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## exile in thighville (Feb 25, 2008)

fatlilboy said:


> I have had this fantasy a LONG time brewing......and I heard that there are a LOT of others who share it, but won't ever admit it. It stems from Hansel and Gretel and the Pigs is Pigs videos.....being a kid and fantasizing about such things. The entire fantasy of being kidnapped or tricked or force abducted (albeit playfully and sort of from a submissive perspective), and then being brought to a place to be forcibly fattened up. Then....after being fattened....constantly being monitored...measured....poked and prodded to see how plump I'm growing.....and how tasty I'd be after being fully fattened. Then, prepared to be stuffed to be eaten. Now, I'm not into the traditional cannabalism at all....don't get me wrong. I just like the FANTASY of it. There are others that just go too far......yuck....hate blood. Totally a turn off for me. If you're into that, enjoy....just don't hurt anyone.
> 
> Now...back to me.....the fantasy is all about being caged or trapped like an animal and then fattened like one for eventually being eaten. There was a Porky Pig cartoon where he was fishing....and then caught by another fish....and then his clothing was shorn off until he was naked and then salted and peppered, with an apple stuffed into his mouth....tickled by others....and then put into a pot with onions, peppers, cellery, carrots, and then stuffed into an onion. It was HOT.......to say the least (pardon the pun).
> 
> Anyone else share this confession? I know....it's kinda weird, but I do feel that many share it deep down....BOTH men AND women alike.



yeah, this pretty much sums up a good chunk of my fantasies of late, right up to where it stops.


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## Paquito (Mar 23, 2008)

These are my confessions.....
Ahem-
1) I'm into the gaining scene, definetely want to get bigger

2) I appreciate the sight of another guys gut

3) Nothing excites me more than the thought of a girl liking my girth, feeding me and giving some belly rubs

4) like a couple guys on here have said, Ive had a guy crush (that guy on the Biggest Loser named Bernie, I think I had it cuz more than anything because I wanted to look like that (before his unfortunate weight loss))


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## aduronia (Mar 23, 2008)

i confess that i hooked up with a sort of bhm for the first time this weekend and it was hot. rock on me.


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## Amandy (Mar 25, 2008)

I confess that I haven't been here in ages... le sigh...

I confess that I LOVE that I'm an FFA, it makes me feel special

I confess that I love my man fully, totally and completely, but I also get very hawt between the legs looking at all of you BHMs here.

I confess that I keep going back to the couples pic threads here because I am incredibly turned on by the contrast. It's gorgeously beautiful porn for me. Chris in the white shirt? Mary's fingers? OMFG. I want a threeway with that.:blush:

What else? Oh, that new IT guy at work, he such a cutie chub, I just light up when he comes around.

I feel like I need to pray on some rosaries or something now.


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## Geodetic_Effect (Mar 26, 2008)

butterflyblob said:


> Finally, I confess that I sometimes masturbate to weight loss success stories in trashy magazines. BEAT THAT!




That is one of the hottest things I've ever heard.


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## rabbitislove (Apr 3, 2008)

I have to run into the Dims confessional and talk to the priest on duty.
I confess that I ask my boyfriend to get on his knees and suck my toes because the way he's leaning emphasizes how chubby he is. oohh. 

How many hail mary's this time padre?


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## fatterisbetter (Apr 6, 2008)

I've always been a "big guy", which is kinda average in the good old US of A. But once I started gaining intentionally and unintentinally I really am hooked on not being average anymore. Even if it sometimes means negative attention. 
I also don't mind some of the restrictions of my weight. I know that sounds sick but I kinda like the feeling of being weighed down by my huge fat flabby gut. When I realized that I had gotten too fat to run I went out and celebrated with a huge fast food meal. I am actually proud of the fact that my walk is a slow waddle. I also make point of asking for a table instead of a booth or a chair without arms "because I am too big".


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## Smite (Apr 6, 2008)

I've been heavily losing because of an unhealthy obsession to many vices and a certain person, plus baseball season has taken a toll on me and usually I drop like...ten, but as of late I think I've dropped more like twenty...and I kinda like it :O

Right before pitching season:






Now:






Nothing really visible different except for a more "defined" chin line I think? Heh.
So thats my dirty confession :O


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## Brooklyn Red Leg (Apr 8, 2008)

Hmmm...confessions...confessions.

1.) I actually try and look for porn that contains fat men. In a weird sort of way, its nice to be able to see a fat guy being with a beautiful woman (BBW or no). Kinda like living vicariously through him while he has sex. 

2.) I've been seriously considering starting a BHM nude modeling site cause, well, I hate being poor and I'm kinda past the point of caring what other people (especially my family) think. The problem now is the logistics more than anything else.


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## ESPN Cutie (Apr 9, 2008)

*I confess that I'm not sure if I'm a FFA because I don't find all fat men attractive; I have a specific range and over that range is too much for me. 

I confess that I royally botched my first attempt at telling a guy that I liked him heavier and wished he would continue to gain weight. I completely embarrassed myself and I don't think things were the same after that*


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## RockDJ (Apr 10, 2008)

1. I have never been or even met a FFA. I've never had trouble with girls. Yet all the ones I've been with were never FFA. They just saw something in me and didn't care what I looked like. But then again, I always look good. There is somewhat of a stereotype that all big guys are slobs and don't take care of themselves. I've never been that way. I don't walk out of the house with out a look in the mirror and a spray of cologne. I am always around fashion conscience people and I do my part to look and feel good. 

2. When I watch soccer matches, it makes me wish I wasn't as big. I love soccer. With a passion. But I can't play as much as I'd like. I'm a good player. I can play on the pitch or on goal. But it frustrates me when I'm on the pitch and my body doesn't response to my brain. Turning out in a bad pass or a bad shot. Even on goal, I notice my reflexes are not what they once were. The other day I played on goal. I made a game winning save of a low shot to my left. I dove to my left stretching out my right arm to tap the ball wide. My dad was in the stands. After the match my dad said,"Cabron, good save". My dad hadn't said anything about my playing in years. Coming from a soccer mad family, it's good to be talked about your work on the pitch. 
But before anyone thinks I hate myself for being big or anything, I'm not. I am me. I learned to accept myself the way I am. I have a lot of great qualities. I'm confident in who I am and what I can do. I am always around skinny fashion conscience people(try going out in LA). Yet I don't get treated differently because I carry myself well. Confidently.


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