# Seeking Advice



## lucca23v2 (Jul 20, 2015)

I did a search and could not see a thread for just advice on all things. I didn't want to make there thread about one topic in particular. I just wanted a general thread where people can ask questions about anything *dims and non dims related *to get advice. (Everything from dying your hair color to whether or not you should get married or divorced. I want it to be a thread where people can get good sound advice.)

I will start. I need advice about work. About 2 years ago I turned down a position because financially it would not have been smart to take it. That position is available again. Here is my problem. 

*Cons:*

-The financial aspect has not changed. It would still cost me a bit more to travel there for work. (Major since I just financed a new car and I pay 3 tuitions, plus all of my other bills.)

-I would be taxed more because I will be working in a different state. Those are the down sides to the job. (Which means less money in my paycheck after taxes.)

*Pros:*

- I will not be in constant contact with my manager.
- I will work in an office by myself.
- I will not have to deal with the office politics as in my current office.
- I get paid the same to do less work.

I need advice on whether or not I should take it for peace of mind, or suck it up and stay at my office that is more cost effective.

Any and all advice would be appreciated.

**Mods, if this is in the wrong forum, please move to the correct forum. Thanks!)


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## wrestlingguy (Jul 20, 2015)

Sometimes peace of mind is a raise in and of itself. Is your current position a high stressed one? Do you look forward to leaving at the end of the day?

Also, how much longer of a commute is it for you?

The financial aspect can be lessened if you have the ability to carpool with someone. Whether you or they drive, let's face it, splitting the cost of gas can potentially make the new job on par with your current one.


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## mp7251 (Jul 20, 2015)

Like WG said, do you hate going to work presently? Is there a long time future and advancement available in either position? Does one expect you to work overtime without compensation? Are medical benefits a factor? Is there a 401K where employer meets part of your investment? There are a lot of things to weigh.


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## Tad (Jul 20, 2015)

Would the travel time be much different on a normal day? What about when weather is bad? (time spent on commuting can be a big difference in life satisfaction, I think)


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 20, 2015)

*Travel*

- Bad weather, I would go into the office in the city instead of the CT office or work from home.
- Time traveling is about the same.
- Cost of traveling would almost double
- No carpool

*Benefits*

_ My benefits would stay the same because it is the same company and it is considered a lateral move.
- I would be paying more in taxes since it is another state so less in my pay.

*Compensation*

- OT would still be the same as it is now because it is the same "department"
- I am already capped so I won't get any more raises.

*Future advancement*

- I don't see any openings to move up and I don't see my manager of his manager making an effort to either move me into another position where the cap changes, or working on a plan to compensate me in any other way.

** For me the compensation would be in getting away from my manager and his 2 favorite lackies and have some peace of mind.


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## Tad (Jul 20, 2015)

More questions:

- Would the work be any different/would you have any opportunities to do anything new?
- Have you looked for work at other companies that are closer?
- Have you looked at how well your budget could adjust, especially if gas prices shoot back up again in a year or two? (I suspect that it will be longer than that, but better safe than sorry!)

Not hating to go into work is worth quite a lot! But to me it feels like this is a fairly painful way to achieve that


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 20, 2015)

I love the company, hate my co-workers. I don't hate coming in to work just yet, but I dread coming into work.

Work

-As for as work I would have less work to do than I do now. I would have to actively search for things to do. (Not really a problem for me because I like to find new projects to work on)

I haven't done a search at other companies, because I really do love the company I work for. This company is really people oriented which is rare for the corporate world. The problem is not the company, but my pain in the ass jealous manager. He likes to micro manage me, not to make sure that work gets done, but to make sure that he is "attached" to any work I do because many managers and partners ask me to do work for them.

I think it might just be best to stay where I am and maybe go back to school. Then once I have my MBA, then move to another company where I can be the manager or open my own company.


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## bbwbud (Jul 20, 2015)

Take the move, so then your manager won't be over your shoulder when you post here and we can enjoy your company! Really, you should do what ever makes you feel better and plan the big move when you get your MBA.


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## Tad (Jul 20, 2015)

Taking the new job, would you report to someone different?


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 20, 2015)

Thanks bbwbud... @ Tad.. I would still report to the same manager... I just woukd be in the same office as him.. and he never visits the other offices..

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 20, 2015)

My first impulse is to say take it because being away from the boss in your own office sounds like a sweet deal. Less work for same pay sounds good, too, however, I'm worried about the "more cost" aspects you have mentioned. Can you afford to do this?


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jul 20, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> Work
> 
> -As for as work I would have less work to do than I do now. I would have to actively search for things to do. (Not really a problem for me because I like to find new projects to work on)



Since you're capped, a good project -- should you take the new job -- might be exploring other companies to see if they have better opportunities for promotion. Another might be updating your resume. And a job with less work to do might be ideal for somebody working on her MBA ... See? I can think up all kinds of stuff for you to do! (I love watching other people work)


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 20, 2015)

lol.. thanks Doc.


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## tonynyc (Jul 22, 2015)

Will the new job pay for your MBA? It would be nice if that is possible;in addition, just planning for graduate school involves it's own set of consideration regarding best schools, the time and expense etc. etc.


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 22, 2015)

Tony, the company I work for will cover the cost of the MBA. Living in NYC there are plenty of good business schools and colleges I can go to. Which is why I am considering taking advantage of the tuitions reimbursement and just going for my MBA.

Or maybe I should just do what a lot of others do. Find a position at another company in a higher rank/position (meaning management/supervisor, because that is the next step up from where I am currently). Then after 2-3 years in that position, apply back at this company as a supervisor/manager position.

(** totally off topic, I just realized I have a yellow can! Yeah me!)


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## Tad (Jul 22, 2015)

I'm also seeking advice, also vaguely job related -- but actually about using Linkedin. 

Some years ago I signed up for the site but really didn't make much use of it. I put in the companies I'd worked at, and two or three times a year I'd log in and accept any contact requests I'd had, but that was it.

I'm starting to look around at other job possibilities, and I guess one of the things I need to do is make better use of Linkedin, if only to look like I'm living in the 21st century. Looking at pages of a couple of people who know what they are doing, they have a huge number of connections, pretty much their entire resume up on there, and an impressive list of people who have written about how wonderful they are. So I'm way, way, off from where I guess I 'should' be.

Has anyone bootstrapped their presence on Linkedin, and have suggestions about you reasonably quickly establish more of a presence on there? (preferably without being a huge pest to people? But maybe that is part of the process?)


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jul 22, 2015)

I hate linkedin in the same way I hate paypal. It is nonsensical, but its this sort of low level aversion. That being said, I now strongly make use of it to keep in contact with all the contractors and people I work with. When you put my name in Google it totally knows who I am and brings me up right away. (Which is also kinda creepy - the Google! It knows everything!)

If you want a strong presence with linkedin, connections are unfortunately the way to go. And keep searching for yourself and finding your profile - basic web analytics. Having an unusual first or last name also helps! Oh, and endorsements, although I sometimes find those annoying. 

Connections aren't considered being a pest to most people that use it. The connection itself basically says..."Do you know Tad?" other than that, it isn't really a pestering activity, because the person simply says "Yes" and it is done. 

To be blunt I connected to my old VPs, directors, managers...that is how I got my last credential. Asked my old manager if he would vouch for me! That was the hard part for me...connecting "up" - but then a few execs said they love keeping in contact with linked in, and it has become the executive bread and butter. 

So go for it! You can also connect to your friend's friends. It isn't really weird anymore, and is pretty expected - and because no one gives out super personal info on LinkedIn, there isn't a feeling of privacy invasion that one might get on something like Facebook.


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## Tad (Jul 22, 2015)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I hate linkedin in the same way I hate paypal.



I generally dislike mandatory optional things. You know, all the If you want to be taken seriously of course you have to stay late at work on a regular basisbut overtime is optional and Sure you can stay active anyway you want, but unless you go to a gym or are part of a group or supervised by a trainer we arent going to take what you do seriously and of course You can use sites like Facebook and Linkedin however you want, or not at all, but if you are not actively networking you will be found wanting. (I guess mandatory isnt quite the right word, but you get what I mean). 

I shouldnt sneer at networking, given that four of the seven jobs Ive held came about at least in part because of my network. But that was the natural, organic, network of friends, co-workers, family, etc. I feel like now it is Lets whip out our networks and see whose is bigger! you know? Being judged by your formal network, that what was a means to an end has become an end in itself.

Or maybe Im just old and curmudgeonly  Then again, my wife is even worse in this regard -- I have accounts I've not made much use of, she doesn't even have accounts.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jul 22, 2015)

Tad said:


> I feel like now it is “Let’s whip out our networks and see whose is bigger!”


 
First of all: This. so this!!
Secondly: Bahahaha! 

Also: not mandatory...obligatory?

I'm too antisocial in general to have a "real" network . The only reason I even have as many as I do is that I was working in 100% projectized department for 3 years - met a lot of people who networked me...I just log in once a quarter and add people I've worked with recently. Usually after whining as hard as I do while updating my resume...which is an even bigger "lets whip it out" situation!

----

My own ask for advice:

Flooring for the upstairs. When we moved in, we inherited 14 year old navy blueish 'builder' carpet. Not only is it hideous, it is worn thin and now smells like animals. I have two aussies and soon to be two cats. I loathe carpet because it is impossible to keep clean and scent free. My guy on the other hand, loves nice carpet and his second choice is hardwood.

But we are pretty rough on the flooring, and with two dogs they have already scuffed up our ugly parquet flooring. I suggested tile but a) my husband is like who would do tile upstairs? and b) OMG ITS EXPENSIVE! (Now, by tile I mean flagstone type flooring that we could put carpet over.)

Any thoughts/ideas/suggestion on flooring for the upstairs (a bedroom, a hallway and two offices) that :
a) doesn't hold scent
b) doesn't stain
c) can withstand two 40-50lb dogs skittering over it, dropping cow bones on its surface, and general rough treatment
d) isn't slippery when wet


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 22, 2015)

Unfortunately LinkedIn is part of doing business this day. But I agree with you, it sucks!


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## Tad (Jul 22, 2015)

It isn't my favorite flooring, but some of the laminate floorings are engineered to be pretty darn tough. I'd think it is one of those things where you'd need to do your research, because I'm suspect laminate varies from 'cheap and easily damaged' to 'you could drive on it occasionally.'

But more seriously what I'd do, if one of you is willing to put yourself through it, is go into a high end flooring store and talk to them. You may or may not end up buying from them, but at least you'd hear from people who really know their stuff (hopefully).


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 22, 2015)

I agree with Tad. I would also add, going to a pet store. They might also have some suggestions.


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## bigmac (Jul 22, 2015)

bbwbud said:


> Take the move, so then your manager won't be over your shoulder when you post here and we can enjoy your company! *Really, you should do what ever makes you feel better* and plan the big move when you get your MBA.



My daughter finished grad school last year. She had multiple job offers. She actually chose the lowest paying one because it was the one she thought she'd enjoy the most. A year later she's been promoted and is interviewing for a better job with another employer who generally doesn't hire new grads. If you like your job situation success is more likely.


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## fat hiker (Jul 23, 2015)

Tad said:


> I shouldnt sneer at networking, given that four of the seven jobs Ive held came about at least in part because of my network. But that was the natural, organic, network of friends, co-workers, family, etc. I feel like now it is Lets whip out our networks and see whose is bigger! you know? Being judged by your formal network, that what was a means to an end has become an end in itself.



Tad, the only people who I've ever met who see a LinkedIn network as an end in itself were in PR and real estate - and they were a minority. LinkedIn is just a tool, an electronic yet organic network of friends and colleagus. 

So, how best to use LinkedIn to explore job opportunities? Put your whole resume up on LinkedIn - a skills-based or functional resume works better than a chronological one. Add details about each job, especially skills and accomplishments. If you do volunteer stuff, add that. Ask more people to be contacts - don't be shy, we all know it's for professional and career reasons. Previous supervisors are especially valuable, as are contacts in other companies - but don't hesitate to ask people from other parts of your life. If you volunteer, ask other people who volunteer with you. If you are still in contact with old college friends, ask them. 

At the college, we've had students who were told by prospective employers - don't bother sending us a resume, send us a link to your LinkedIn page. I have received unsolicited job offers on mine - and a lot of job ads come my way too. LinkedIn itself has lots of tips on what makes a great page. So, go for it!


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## Tad (Jul 23, 2015)

Hiker--maybe it is just that the people who have talked to me about Linkedin were of the 'true believer' type who were proselytizing? But I'll stop whining about it and get updates done, even if it still feels very, very, weird to me.


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 23, 2015)

Has anyone used Venmo? I want to know if it is safe? How well does it work? Has anyone had any problems with it? Have you been over charged? Have they taken money out of your account without permission? etc.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jul 23, 2015)

Just as an aside/funny story...here is what NOT to do. True story (not me).


Post your complete resume
Link to all directors, VPs, SVPs and colleagues etc all over your organization
Get fed up at said job
Specifically call out that you are looking for a new job on linked in, hashtag on your skills, and post your explicit salary expectations in $$$
Get reamed by management
Try to remove the post, realize you can't, really, and instead post multiple posts until it slides down the page.
All I can say is that it was awkward and HILARIOUS watching exec management turn red at the blatant insult, then try and do damage control as all the colleagues started knocking on doors asking why the other guy was getting paid so much. 

Nothing wrong with looking, nothing wrong with connecting, and nothing wrong with having good salary expectations. But it was all so...on the nose and not appropriate. But also so, so funny.


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## lille (Jul 24, 2015)

My boyfriend is flying up in 12 hours to drive me down to go live with him. This is my first time living with a significant other. Any advice?


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 24, 2015)

lille--just remember that you will each have to get use to each other. Someone will forget to clean the water spots on the bathroom mirror... or put the seat down..

As long as you two can communicate effectively and with respect, you should be able to work everything out.

Good luck!


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## Shosh (Jul 25, 2015)

I think that it is sometimes worth taking a pay cut if it means you get to work in a job that you enjoy, and where you do not have management looking over your shoulder, causing a stressful and hostile environment. 

I am kind of the same way in my life in general.
Whilst I admire pretty things, I am happy just to look at them.
The less material things that you have, the less stressful life you have, as you are not busting a gut to pay for all those things.

Simplicity can be good.


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 30, 2015)

Well, I am still deciding whether or not to change to the position in CT, after the week I just had in this office, I swear it really made me want to move. 

Let's just say if this were a cartoon, all of my coworkers would be under falling anvils and pianos.

That being said, a bit of a positive, there is nothing like watching people do work that they declared they were not going to do. It is so vindicating and satisfying.. 

I am sitting at my desk like  (while not doing a stitch of work other than chatting here.)


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jul 30, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> That being said, a bit of a positive, there is nothing like watching people do work that they declared they were not going to do. It is so vindicating and satisfying..



A pinch of laxative in the coffee maker can also be productive of much mirth. Assuming, of course, that you're a tea drinker.


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## lucca23v2 (Jul 30, 2015)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> A pinch of laxative in the coffee maker can also be productive of much mirth. Assuming, of course, that you're a tea drinker.



lol.. I am a rare hispanic. I am not a coffee drinker, I hate beans, and I prefer italian food to spanish food.. lol

If we had our own coffee pot, I would so do that, but at work everything is in those k-cups..lol


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 1, 2015)

For those that are in managing positions, would you rather deal with an employee that will always talk back to you, openly and verbally disagree with you or would you rather deal with an employee that is passive aggressive? (not like a ticking time bomb passive aggressive [not postal], but someone who is mad and gets over it in a few days and things go back to normal)


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## dwesterny (Aug 1, 2015)

Very hard to say. It is good to deal with problems directly and express frustration, but confrontational people can cause huge problems. The occasional hallway screaming match comes to mind. In the end I really try to judge people at work based on their work, if you do an amazing job producing high quality work but when I say "Morning" your response is an inarticulate grunt or roll of the eyes that to me is better than the super friendly person who does nothing all day.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 1, 2015)

I'm a big fan of openness. Although I agree with dwesterny that confrontational people are no picnic, in my experience shouting matches are more the result of immaturity than openness. Of course, passive-aggressive people have their uses, too. As compost, for example.


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 1, 2015)

lol Dr. Feelgood. The only reason I ask is because someone told me I have passive aggressive behavior.. I don't think I do, which of course apparently is part of being a passive aggressive person. Anyway, sometimes my temper can get the better of me. When I feel like I can go off, specially at work, I tend to get quiet and listen. I don't speak because, when I am mad I have a mouth that would make even a seasoned sailor blush. Which is why I prefer not to go the confrontation route. If I know no voices will be raised and we won't be going back and forth, I can have a discussion. 

Unfortunately at my current job having a discussion is not a possibility. So I have been resorting to just listen and taking in the things that he says. If I think he has a point on something I try to make the changes to improve my skills and my ability to move forward. Other things, I brush off because I know he is requesting changes to make his other (his favorite) employees happier. (IE; me having to go out of my way to be friendly to them, but they can treat me anyway they want)

Since I have never been good at hiding my feeling, it shows on my face. I know they can see I am mad. That being said, I am also a person that doesn't hold grudges. Case in point, I was reprimanded on Tuesday for something that was not done, however it was not my job to do it. My manager wanted me to "take initiative" and get it done. (never mind the fact that his nephew was the one that was suppose to do the work). Then my supervisor kind of threw me under the bus, so needless to say I was mad. But by the time Friday came around, things were back to normal. That is who I am. I stayed quiet, I know if I would have let my temper get the better of me I would have gone off on how he is blaming me to save his precious nephew, and I doubt that would be any better than being"passive aggressive" IDK..

I have been reading up on it and I figured if that is the case, maybe I can learn techniques to make it better so that maybe the work situation gets better. It is worth a shot I guess..


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## Xyantha Reborn (Aug 2, 2015)

I personally _*highly*_ prefer aggressive people as a manager. Aggressive people can deal with other aggressive people, but they tend to hound passive aggressive people, which only makes them more passive aggressive. It's easier to resolve differences when two people show up at your desk and bluntly tell you they are having an issue, than either two people who don't talk, or even WORSE - when the passive aggressive one is winding up the aggressive one, or vice versa. Because the not talking doesn't mean the issue is resolved, and then as a manager you end up feeling like you are making a big deal out of nothing when people fake like their isn't an issue - because they are clearly still offended. (so if you feel attacked, it may actually be aggressive people kind of lashing out. It took me years when I was younger to rid myself of that seek and destroy attitude.) 

But I am also aggressive  , and aggressive people tend to like other aggressive people to work with. I think they say "A" types attract other "A" types. . Not to say we scream and shout and carry on and be rude, but our messages tend to be clearer and more blunt (Look, you are driving me crazy!), especially with each other...But it can make our lives more uncomfortable sometimes. In the situation you mentioned I would be more likely to demand who that was assigned to, and force them to acknowledge it was inappropriate, and once they acknowledged it I would agree to do it without hesitation...then I would probably pull my boss aside afterwards and tell him/her how wildly inappropriate throwing me under the bus is. I had an aggressive boss once and people laughed because we had to step carefully around each other and offer a lot of social niceties...because we both knew that if we went toe to toe neither of us would back down . There was a lot of brutal honesty too - I told him one day after someone had tried to throw me under the bus - "FYI if you ever try and throw me under the bus I swear to god I will take you with me." and he laughed and told me good, because he would do the same to me. Fine means it is fine. If it wasn't fine, I wouldn't have used that word! lol


I guess one question I have (back to your original job post) is...would this move be a disadvantage in any significant career way? Setting aside all the minor inconviences of the commute etc... And keep in mind that this is the way I think only...

Your current job is clearly stressful and no longer enjoyable. You will be forced to endure it, day in, day out, until you leave. That being said, it comes down to the question of are you ready to leave NOW, or later?

You could leave the company, or to another office.

If you took this job, it sounds like it would be less stress. And even if you took this job, it doesn't seem like it would prevent you from leaving at ANY time in the future, because it is the same company it wouldn't even impact your resume really. 

So I guess, to me at least, it sounds more like "do I leave for this job, or another one?" than if you should stay... and the first two options don't necessarily preclude each other...


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 2, 2015)

I think I will just grin and bear it until I find somewhere new to go.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 2, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> I don't speak because, when I am mad I have a mouth that would make even a seasoned sailor blush. Which is why I prefer not to go the confrontation route. If I know no voices will be raised and we won't be going back and forth, I can have a discussion.



You sound more like a peacemaker than a passive-aggressive person. Your refusal to confront is aimed at defusing the situation; a passive-aggressive uses silence to _prevent_ resolution of the problem. In fact, you sound like the kind of person I'd want on my team. :bow:


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## Xyantha Reborn (Aug 2, 2015)

Totally agreed with doc btw

passive agressive tends to be more manipulative (at least classical definition).


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## dwesterny (Aug 2, 2015)

Assertive > Passive > Aggressive > Passive Aggressive 

That's how I would rank it for the job type most of the people I manage do, if it were a different field aggressiveness could easily be more desirable than passivity. As doc and Xyan said passive and passive aggressive are not the same behaviors.


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## Jack Secret (Aug 2, 2015)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I'm a big fan of openness. Although I agree with dwesterny that confrontational people are no picnic, in my experience shouting matches are more the result of immaturity than openness. Of course, passive-aggressive people have their uses, too. As compost, for example.



CompostHa ha ha


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 2, 2015)

Thanks everyone for your advice. I think what I will do it take some classes to improve and learn new coping skills. Not so much for this job, but to avoid this kind of situation in the future. As for this job, I will try to be more assertive and try to control my anger so that maybe the "discussions" won't escalate. It is much easier to fix me first, and then try to fix the situation.

Thank you all!


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## tonynyc (Aug 2, 2015)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> I personally _*highly*_ prefer aggressive people as a manager. Aggressive people can deal with other aggressive people, but they tend to hound passive aggressive people, which only makes them more passive aggressive. It's easier to resolve differences when two people show up at your desk and bluntly tell you they are having an issue, than either two people who don't talk, or even WORSE - when the passive aggressive one is winding up the aggressive one, or vice versa. Because the not talking doesn't mean the issue is resolved, and then as a manager you end up feeling like you are making a big deal out of nothing when people fake like their isn't an issue - because they are clearly still offended. (so if you feel attacked, it may actually be aggressive people kind of lashing out. It took me years when I was younger to rid myself of that seek and destroy attitude.)
> 
> But I am also aggressive  , and aggressive people tend to like other aggressive people to work with. I think they say "A" types attract other "A" types. . Not to say we scream and shout and carry on and be rude, but our messages tend to be clearer and more blunt (Look, you are driving me crazy!), especially with each other...But it can make our lives more uncomfortable sometimes. In the situation you mentioned I would be more likely to demand who that was assigned to, and force them to acknowledge it was inappropriate, and once they acknowledged it I would agree to do it without hesitation...then I would probably pull my boss aside afterwards and tell him/her how wildly inappropriate throwing me under the bus is. I had an aggressive boss once and people laughed because we had to step carefully around each other and offer a lot of social niceties...because we both knew that if we went toe to toe neither of us would back down . There was a lot of brutal honesty too - I told him one day after someone had tried to throw me under the bus - "FYI if you ever try and throw me under the bus I swear to god I will take you with me." and he laughed and told me good, because he would do the same to me. Fine means it is fine. If it wasn't fine, I wouldn't have used that word! lol
> 
> ...



It really depends on the type of environment. However, at the end of the day is all about how the company respect the workers/staff from top to bottom.


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## tonynyc (Aug 2, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> Thanks everyone for your advice. I think what I will do it take some classes to improve and learn new coping skills. Not so much for this job, but to avoid this kind of situation in the future. As for this job, I will try to be more assertive and try to control my anger so that maybe the "discussions" won't escalate. It is much easier to fix me first, and then try to fix the situation.
> 
> Thank you all!



Well it is looking at the pluses and minuses.
1. If they are to pays for your Graduate degree then you just look at the current job as a means of getting to your next goal. Nothing wrong with that and if that means that you can potentially save over 150k or more in graduate school fees .why not....You just do the job and wait for them to pay for your grad school. 
2. I agree with your idea about developing better coping skills.
A. Concepts of verbal judo.
B. Other methods of stress release;I.e., going out to lunch- taking a any kind. Of exercise , yoga or. Relaxing activity during lunch or after work.
C. Reading up on Business magazines like Forbes- any business magazines from the top schools like Harvard, MIT or Stanford. Rotman (top Business school in Canada). 
3. Think of this experience as to how it can improve your future grad school experiences because many times you might have to write about work experiences (you would make the company anonymous);but, would describe how you had to deal with a specific problem.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 4, 2015)

@Lucca....I tend to be the same way at work. Better to not say anything because when I go off.....nobody will be the same again after they hear what I really want to say.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Aug 4, 2015)

Distinctions are important. When I said before I prefer aggressive I actually meant assertive. I realized afterwards I have worked with truly aggressive people and it is exhausting. Too often there isn't a distinction made (just the two original extremes) and something else occurred to me today I think part of it too is that we associate the personals emotional capability with their work ethic - which I was guilty of here too. 

Ie; s/he is aggressive but passive about getting his work done within timelines (talks like a big shot in all the meetings but produces nothing) vs s/he is passive in terms of conflict but is aggressively committed to meeting timelines (never says boo and you don't even know she stayed to do overtime to get it done)

We spend more time with our coworkers than family, so there is always tension and is normal. Ultimately the work needs to get done, and as a manager that always has to be in view...the personality stuff on top of it is just another layer.

The other one is the emotional "Swinger" - who flies through all four (aggressive/assertive/passive/passive aggressive) and it is hard to tell how they are feeling that day


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 7, 2015)

So, a bit of an update on the work front. My manager tells me today that I will be getting a slight raise. According to him, the market has changed and so the salary cap has now changed and that allows me to get small increments every year so that I don't cap out again too soon.

Although this is good news, I still think it is time for me to find somewhere else to go. But at least I have something to look forward too in Sept./Oct. when the new raises come through.


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## balletguy (Aug 12, 2015)

Good news. A slight increase is better than no increase. I am capped at my job and it's just sucky. I am told I do excellant work but I just simply make too much to w aren't a raise....Not like I'm making a million bucks or anything. Anyway good for you.



lucca23v2 said:


> So, a bit of an update on the work front. My manager tells me today that I will be getting a slight raise. According to him, the market has changed and so the salary cap has now changed and that allows me to get small increments every year so that I don't cap out again too soon.
> 
> Although this is good news, I still think it is time for me to find somewhere else to go. But at least I have something to look forward too in Sept./Oct. when the new raises come through.


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 27, 2015)

I want to go to Ottowa in late Oct. early Nov. any idea on what to do there at that time?


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## fat hiker (Aug 28, 2015)

Too early for winter sports, too late for summer festivals - but the Food and Wine Festival will be on, the end of October. Plus lots of cultural stuff in full swing at a wide variety of live theatre and culture venues. Plus soccer, and CFL football.


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 28, 2015)

Cool.. Thanks!


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## Xyantha Reborn (Aug 28, 2015)

I have no idea!! Lol!!

When Tad is back maybe he can recommend some nice places to eat and stuff to do!


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## MattB (Aug 28, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> I want to go to Ottowa in late Oct. early Nov. any idea on what to do there at that time?



There's museums and historical sites like Parliament Hill etc. that might be of interest. I'd like to offer some more input, but I live here and I haven't even been to all the museums.  I would recommend staying downtown as that's where all the touristy stuff, and the nightlife is, if that's your thing. (Byward Market specifically...) Edit- I assume you googled this, but just in case... http://www.ottawatourism.ca/

If you like sports, head to a football game at TD Place. Canadian football has different rules, but is way more fast-paced. As a season ticket guy, I can tell you that the atmosphere at the stadium is more lively than anything else in Ottawa, including the hockey games. It's electric! Although, if you go in Oct/Nov it will likely be a bit chilly...

Tad partakes of the town way more in depth than I do, I'm more likely to be chilling in the 'burbs than haunting the core. Speaking of which, I'm more likely to be able to point you towards all the haunted places than anything else.

**Okay, I need some advice myself. I'm finally going to paint my studio/decompression chamber/Fortress of Solitude this weekend. The walls are going to be painted black, but I'm torn as to whether or not to do an accent wall or not. The plan was to do the short wall where the window is in a deep red/burgundy colour to offset the black, but I'm thinking all black might look best. Thoughts?


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## dwesterny (Aug 29, 2015)

MattB said:


> **Okay, I need some advice myself. I'm finally going to paint my studio/decompression chamber/Fortress of Solitude this weekend. The walls are going to be painted black, but I'm torn as to whether or not to do an accent wall or not. The plan was to do the short wall where the window is in a deep red/burgundy colour to offset the black, but I'm thinking all black might look best. Thoughts?


[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InRDF_0lfHk"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InRDF_0lfHk[/ame]


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 29, 2015)

MattB said:


> There's museums and historical sites like Parliament Hill etc. that might be of interest. I'd like to offer some more input, but I live here and I haven't even been to all the museums.  I would recommend staying downtown as that's where all the touristy stuff, and the nightlife is, if that's your thing. (Byward Market specifically...) Edit- I assume you googled this, but just in case... http://www.ottawatourism.ca/
> 
> If you like sports, head to a football game at TD Place. Canadian football has different rules, but is way more fast-paced. As a season ticket guy, I can tell you that the atmosphere at the stadium is more lively than anything else in Ottawa, including the hockey games. It's electric! Although, if you go in Oct/Nov it will likely be a bit chilly...
> 
> Tad partakes of the town way more in depth than I do, I'm more likely to be chilling in the 'burbs than haunting the core. Speaking of which, I'm more likely to be able to point you towards all the haunted places than anything else.?


 
Thanks! I will look into all of that. I tend to avoid the touristy places. I like to go where the locals go. They know where the good and inexpensive eats and entertainment are. 



MattB said:


> **Okay, I need some advice myself. I'm finally going to paint my studio/decompression chamber/Fortress of Solitude this weekend. The walls are going to be painted black, but I'm torn as to whether or not to do an accent wall or not. The plan was to do the short wall where the window is in a deep red/burgundy colour to offset the black, but I'm thinking all black might look best. Thoughts?


 
Depends. If there is natural light coming in.. I would go all black. Being that it is a studio I am assuming there is no natural light coming in. If that is the case, I think you might want to do an accent wall so that you don't feel like the walls are closing in on you. If you don't want to do a wall you can do the ceiling a different color. If you are set in everything being black, I suggest you do the trims in a different color. You can also do all black and have vibrant color artwork, or very attention grabbing artwork to break up the monotone. 

Personally I try to stay away from everything one color. For me, the walls kind of start to close in on me when everything is all the same. In my apartment all the walls are the same color, eggshell/bone white (like the color of vanilla soy milk) *BORING!!* (I always lose the battle with my Dad and brother to change the color to something fun, but I digress...) What I did was frame every piece of "artwork" from my nieces and nephew from when they were toddlers up on the wall to break up the blah color. 

Just a few options.


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## MattB (Aug 29, 2015)

Great advice, thanks!

There is natural light, as there is a somewhat large window in the room. It's used as a studio, but the reality is that it's just a standard spare bedroom. I think I will go all black. The existing trim (including the window trim and ceiling) is white, so that should offset it. Most of the furniture in there is white already, so it should give a nice contrast and then I don't have to buy any new shelves. I have art for the walls all ready to go, albeit not tremendously colourful...dark blue and greyish, but with a white border in the frame. It should work.

With the exception of one bathroom and my basement rec room, my entire house is in a beige-y neutral colour. I've hated it for years, so I'm going to start addressing that. I already started redoing the kitchen, but put off the wall paint in there for now.

There's so many black paints to choose from, so I'm going with a darker one that has a faint bluish hint to it. I can always go darker.


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## lucca23v2 (Aug 29, 2015)

MattB said:


> Great advice, thanks!
> 
> There is natural light, as there is a somewhat large window in the room. It's used as a studio, but the reality is that it's just a standard spare bedroom. I think I will go all black. The existing trim (including the window trim and ceiling) is white, so that should offset it. Most of the furniture in there is white already, so it should give a nice contrast and then I don't have to buy any new shelves. I have art for the walls all ready to go, albeit not tremendously colourful...dark blue and greyish, but with a white border in the frame. It should work.
> 
> ...


 
In that case black should be fine. Go for it!


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## Tad (Aug 29, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> I want to go to Ottowa in late Oct. early Nov. any idea on what to do there at that time?



What others have said (other than their suggestion that I would know things). Also:

Probably too late for the leaves by then, but if you are flying in, look around to see if you are seeing splashes of red and yellow--if so, a drive to check out the colorful maples could be good. 

Other than that, it is pretty much down season here. By that time the days are getting noticeably short and the sun weaker, the temperatures are getting somewhat bitter at times, and more apt to be rain-- but it is still too early for snow. So kind of between seasons 

If you haven't read it yet, check out this thread: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=44962 Some of the places mentioned will have gone away again, given that the thread was started in 2008. But if anything catches your fancy, ask and someone here can confirm what is still around.

Although it is a classic tourist thing, I think the tour of the parliament buildings is actually pretty interesting, at least if you like neo-gothic buildings at all. There are lots of little details design, materials, decorations, and history, and it ends with a ride up the Peace Tower, for possibly the best view of Ottawa that you can get.

I'll try to remember to take a look a bit later for any particular events that happen to be on around that time.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Sep 6, 2015)

Shopping in Buffalo - worth it, yay or nay?

Not for prices, per say, but more for selection and proximity. Ie; I shop like a man who actually tries on clothes. I want to go try on clothes and quick succession and find good stuff.

Meaning; how IS shopping in Buffalo? Could I go try on stuff and find a good selection of clothes? I am relatively curvy (size 10-12 in hips) so can't be "petite" but I don't "qualify" for fat clothes either


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## Xyantha Reborn (Sep 11, 2015)

On a different note - any thoughts on the ITiL and TOGAF certifications? 

Although the concepts of ITIL are valid, i really do not like the way their test structure is set up - its a huge money grab, forcing you to go through multiple tests instead of applying for and passing the test you are qualified for. Meaning, instead of th average certification price of $500 to $1000 - it is closer to $5-10k. Because you need to sit at least 5 $500 tests, and you also MUST may for their courses after level 1. 

TOGAF certification process is simplier and unlike ITIL does not have huge credential maint requirements. This is important because my current two certifications are pretty heavy to maintain. But i dont know if it would be as applicable...

And yet itil seems more universally valued. 

No specific question, more looking for a sounding board. Any thoughts in general or on these certifications?


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## Tad (Sep 11, 2015)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Shopping in Buffalo - worth it, yay or nay?
> 
> Not for prices, per say, but more for selection and proximity. Ie; I shop like a man who actually tries on clothes. I want to go try on clothes and quick succession and find good stuff.
> 
> Meaning; how IS shopping in Buffalo? Could I go try on stuff and find a good selection of clothes? I am relatively curvy (size 10-12 in hips) so can't be "petite" but I don't "qualify" for fat clothes either



Belated response on this one. Once when we were living in Kitchener we went down to visit Niagara Falls, then went over to the American side where it was not a long drive to a reasonable sized mall (I think I was targeting it for a Lane Bryant). I wouldn't have paid any real attention to the stores you'd be looking at, and it has probably been nine years, but I guess what I'm saying is that you don't have to get into the middle of the city for some degree of shopping.

From here people will go to Syracuse, which has a pretty massive mall right on the expressway. If they still had the ferry to Rochester that might have been an interesting alternative, but I think going around the lake makes Syracuse a lot farther for you.

As for the certs ... I have not a clue what any of those are, so no help.


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