# how do you learn to love the body you were born in?



## mermaid8 (Aug 23, 2010)

sometimes i wish i could be happy with the body that god gave me, but being fat makes me feel so ugly. i joined this site to try and find out how to love myself with this body. if anyone has any insight and would like to give me some advice, please respond to my message. 

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## mossystate (Aug 23, 2010)

Mermaid, I would suggest just roaming around this forum. There are some great things posted by many of the fat women here on Dims. But, even then, we are all individuals, so what you glean from what you read - what insight you are given - will have to fit with who you are. 

You may never ' love ' your body, no matter the size, not completely...but you can chip away at the mountain of negative recordings looping in your brain. Small steps!


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## LovelyLiz (Aug 23, 2010)

It seems like you are mostly attentive to the appearance of your body, and you want to "love it" on that level. While I think that's a worthy goal, sometimes you get there best by taking a more indirect route. 

My advice: go do some kind of movement that you really love - swim, belly dance, do yoga, play tennis, salsa dance, kickboxing - whatever is a way you enjoy moving in your body. And do that (and other kinds of moving) regularly. Over time I think you'll begin to enjoy being embodied, on a deeper level, because you're engaging with your body on a physical level. And you can become grateful for your legs that can propel you across the pool, or your arms that hold you in downward facing dog yoga position, or your shoulders that sway to the music. You can enjoy your body in its pure physicality, and for the wonderful movements it can make.

I do think that often, the more you engage with your own body intentionally, and explore all the different kinds of movements your own unique body can make, the gratitude for that can spill over into an appreciation for it on other levels too - like the aesthetic. 

You're a lovely woman, and your body contains great creative and enjoyable potential.


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## mermaid8 (Aug 23, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> It seems like you are mostly attentive to the appearance of your body, and you want to "love it" on that level. While I think that's a worthy goal, sometimes you get there best by taking a more indirect route.
> 
> My advice: go do some kind of movement that you really love - swim, belly dance, do yoga, play tennis, salsa dance, kickboxing - whatever is a way you enjoy moving in your body. And do that (and other kinds of moving) regularly. Over time I think you'll begin to enjoy being embodied, on a deeper level, because you're engaging with your body on a physical level. And you can become grateful for your legs that can propel you across the pool, or your arms that hold you in downward facing dog yoga position, or your shoulders that sway to the music. You can enjoy your body in its pure physicality, and for the wonderful movements it can make.
> 
> ...



your advice sounds wonderful, but when i do those types of physical activity now i just feel self-conscious, fat, and ugly. moving around like that just reminds me of how unattractive i feel and how uncomfortable i am with living in this body.

but nonetheless, thank you for the great advice.


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## LovelyLiz (Aug 23, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> your advice sounds wonderful, but when i do those types of physical activity now i just feel self-conscious, fat, and ugly. moving around like that just reminds me of how unattractive i feel and how uncomfortable i am with living in this body.
> 
> but nonetheless, thank you for the great advice.



Right, that's why I said it's important find a type of movement that you LIKE... You may have to do quite a few to find the one that's right for you, I was just throwing out examples; but I think it's worth trying if you really want to learn to enjoy your body. Trust me, there will be SOME kind of physical activity on the planet that you will enjoy so much (or that will distract you by its challenge, etc.) that the bad feelings and fears will get squished.


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## mermaid8 (Aug 23, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Right, that's why I said it's important find a type of movement that you LIKE... You may have to do quite a few to find the one that's right for you, I was just throwing out examples; but I think it's worth trying if you really want to learn to enjoy your body. Trust me, there will be SOME kind of physical activity on the planet that you will enjoy so much (or that will distract you by its challenge, etc.) that the bad feelings and fears will get squished.



i used to love running, but after an awful breakup in january and gaining some weight i just don't have the confidence that i used to have before. i'm not comfortable and plus i can't find the motivation.


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## spiritangel (Aug 23, 2010)

I also think walking around or even sleeping naked helps you to feel more comfortable in your own skin

it can take time it can come with age and maturity, it also takes a bucketload of self discipline and changing our negative self talk to that of positive stuff as well as learning to take what others think of us with a grain of salt, I always aim to be happy in every moment and let the rest take care of itself

hugs I hope you find your way through to learn how amazing and beautiful you truly are


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## mermaid8 (Aug 24, 2010)

spiritangel said:


> I also think walking around or even sleeping naked helps you to feel more comfortable in your own skin
> 
> it can take time it can come with age and maturity, it also takes a bucketload of self discipline and changing our negative self talk to that of positive stuff as well as learning to take what others think of us with a grain of salt, I always aim to be happy in every moment and let the rest take care of itself
> 
> hugs I hope you find your way through to learn how amazing and beautiful you truly are



Thank you for such great advice, i think i will try; this one i think i can handle (because it's just me alone and no one watching me). And, maybe after that i will be more comfortable with the idea of physical activity.


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## littlefairywren (Aug 24, 2010)

I think the advice that the ladies have given you is great, and I will also second spiritangel's suggestion of sleeping naked. Not only does it feel wonderful, it may be quite liberating for you. It can be a long road to accepting and loving the body you have. I wish you the best of luck in getting there :happy:


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## LovelyLiz (Aug 24, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> Thank you for such great advice, i think i will try; this one i think i can handle (because it's just me alone and no one watching me). And, maybe after that i will be more comfortable with the idea of physical activity.



For the record, you can also do physical activity alone in your house. Put on some tunes, and just wiggle.


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## mermaid8 (Aug 24, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> For the record, you can also do physical activity alone in your house. Put on some tunes, and just wiggle.



yeah, your right i forgot about that one. 
great ideas...thank you everyone for all the encouragement.
i will post and let you know if any of your ideas help me.

thank you.


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## thirtiesgirl (Aug 24, 2010)

Mermaid, I won't repost my response from your other thread in the FA/FFA forum, but I'll offer a couple of quick suggestions. One, start reading up on health at every size (HAES), which is the idea that one can be fat and healthy, and also usually covers information on intuitive eating and finding some kind of movement you enjoy doing, whether walking, swimming, yoga, dancing, bowling, tennis...whatever you're into. None of it is bad. Two, get yourself a copy of Lessons From the Fat-o-Sphere to help you through this process of self acceptance and body love. It also contains some info on HAES. Three, watch this. Four, read this. Five, give yourself a hug for realizing that you don't have to succumb to all the negative stereotypes that accompany being a fat woman in western society, you can learn to accept and love yourself for who and what you are right now, and let the world know that you're not a worthless person.


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## mermaid8 (Aug 24, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Mermaid, I won't repost my response from your other thread in the FA/FFA forum, but I'll offer a couple of quick suggestions. One, start reading up on health at every size (HAES), which is the idea that one can be fat and healthy, and also usually covers information on intuitive eating and finding some kind of movement you enjoy doing, whether walking, swimming, yoga, dancing, bowling, tennis...whatever you're into. None of it is bad. Two, get yourself a copy of Lessons From the Fat-o-Sphere to help you through this process of self acceptance and body love. It also contains some info on HAES. Three, watch this. Four, read this. Five, give yourself a hug for realizing that you don't have to succumb to all the negative stereotypes that accompany being a fat woman in western society, you can learn to accept and love yourself for who and what you are right now, and let the world know that you're not a worthless person.



Thank you for the suggestions, i will definetely try those ideas. Actually, i just finished watching the youtube video link you suggested and what she said is so definetely true...hehe and a little funny. And, i will give myself a hug that is a very good idea...hehe.


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## mermaid8 (Aug 24, 2010)

so you understand, i recently ended (i actually broke it off) a 4yr relationship with a man that i was going to spend the rest of my life with, well at least i thought i was going to...tears.

and, today he sent me this video in an email.

as, you can see he's not what this website would call a fat admirer, which is strange because he's 260 and 5'11 or at least he was for most of the time we dated.

i know that i shouldn't let him tear me down, but it's difficult not to considering that i have these thoughts looping throughout my own mind each and everyday.

:really sad::really sad:


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## AuntHen (Aug 24, 2010)

I made myself put on a tight tank-top and really tight leggings (the kind that hug every curve or dimple) and take my walk around the neighborhood in BROAD daylight! 

I was so nervous the first time and paranoid about anyone I walked by...but I stood up straight and walked liked I owned the sidewalk... and guess what??!!... no one yelled anything rude (if they even noticed)... actually I got 2 car horn honks, one "oooo baby" and one "woooo" (the "woo" guy actually hung the entire top of his body out the window to yell it) hahaha

Now I go on all my walks this way. It was very liberating. 

**And even if someone had yelled "hey chubba lubba!" or "hey fatty" I wouldn't have cared and probably would have yelled back "yeah, that's right! And *you're *lookin'!!"


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## thirtiesgirl (Aug 24, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> so you understand, i recently ended (i actually broke it off) a 4yr relationship with a man that i was going to spend the rest of my life with, well at least i thought i was going to...tears.



Mermaid, I don't know your age, but you remind me a lot of me at age 28. I'd just moved to Los Angeles and ended a 5-year relationship with a guy who I'd thought was The One. Turns out, he wasn't. I've been there. It sucks. It really sucks. But it _does_ get better. Certainly not on your time table, but you _will_ eventually begin to feel better. I know because I did. When you're ready, you'll start looking again and you will eventually find someone else. But for now, this is the tough part. I hope you have a good support system of friends and family around you.



mermaid8 said:


> and, today he sent me this video in an email.
> 
> as, you can see he's not what this website would call a fat admirer, which is strange because he's 260 and 5'11 or at least he was for most of the time we dated.
> 
> ...



If that's your ex-boyfriend in the video, what he's doing is spewing fat hate. He's mining the usual tropes that fat haters usually mine: fat people are unhealthy; fat people are unable to control their eating habits; fat women are in for a world of pain because they don't look like "normal" thin women (i.e., they don't have "socially acceptable" body shapes). Why someone's fat or lifestyle choices are any of his business is beyond me. It's hugely assumptive to state that all fat people are unhealthy and have poor eating habits. You can no more make an assumption about a fat person's health or lifestyle by looking at them than you can the size of someone's bank account by looking at the clothes on their back. What gives him the right to pronounce judgment on fat people simply because they look different than him?

A big step in learning to love and accept your body and yourself is learning to surround yourself with supportive people. That includes having relationships with men who love you for _everything_ you are. Not in spite of your fat; not because of your fat, but people who love you for your brain, body, personality, good points and bad, and everything you have to offer the world. If the guy you date can't do that, don't waste your time with him.

The last thing I'll say is this: keep in mind, to be a fat admirer, it doesn't mean you need to be a bigger person yourself. It's a stereotypical assumption to believe that fat goes with fat. I know a lot of fat women like fat guys, and if that's your physical preference, go for it. I also know a lot of fat women like bigger guys - meaning not necessarily fat, but bigger boned, taller, more muscular, etc. Most of the fat women I've talked with who prefer bigger boned, taller men say they prefer that physical type because it makes them feel more feminine when they're together. And if that's your physical preference, again, go for it. But not all fat women like bigger and/or fatter men. I don't. I don't feel any less feminine when I'm with a more slender guy whose body may not be as wide as mine, or taller than me. So the assumption that bigger/fatter men should 'always' like fat women is just that - an assumption. It's not true for everyone. Also, a fat admirer may not always label himself as a fat admirer. He may be a guy who simply likes _you_. And if he likes you, and you're fat...yeah, that kind of makes him a fat admirer, but more importantly, it makes him a _you_ admirer, which is the best kind of guy to find.
(Which sounds really hokey, and I can't believe I wrote it. But it's true. I can't deny that it's true.)


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## CastingPearls (Aug 24, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> so you understand, i recently ended (i actually broke it off) a 4yr relationship with a man that i was going to spend the rest of my life with, well at least i thought i was going to...tears.
> 
> and, today he sent me this video in an email.
> 
> ...


Mermaid, the only ugly fat you had was the 260 lbs. you dropped when you dumped that loser. 

You're a lovely girl. There's lots of good advice here. Start somewhere and surround yourself with positive and openminded people. You did yourself a favor by casting him off.


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## thirtiesgirl (Aug 25, 2010)

Am I being a dummkopf here and being duped by pics of a pretty girl online?


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## spiritangel (Aug 25, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> so you understand, i recently ended (i actually broke it off) a 4yr relationship with a man that i was going to spend the rest of my life with, well at least i thought i was going to...tears.
> 
> and, today he sent me this video in an email.
> 
> ...




Cut all contact with that ex off immediately what a jack arse and dont even get me started on the guy in the video, because he certainly diddnt take into account other causes of being overweight such as health and certain medications to name a couple

You deserve far far far far far far better and think what the rest of your life could have been like with a guy who thinks its ok to send you links like that

It totally makes me want to meet and then bitch slap him seriously 

do not let people who view the world so narrowly hold you down or dim your inner light I have been there I have done that and I will not do it again because I know I am worth more than they will ever ever know 

hugs


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## mermaid8 (Aug 25, 2010)

thank you all for the kind words of support and no that jerk in the video is not my ex (i'm 28 yrs old btw). 

i have cut off contact with my ex, i blocked his number and email addresses, and i just moved to a new apartment (i live with my parents/i'm in graduate school) so he doesn't know where i live and can't send me stupid stuff in the mail either.

i am trying some of the advice that all of you have suggested and i hope to make progress very soon.

"true love is acceptance of what we are, what we will be, and what we were."
(this is me)


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## mossystate (Aug 25, 2010)

Happy Birthday, Mermaid8.

I see you had a birthday, yesterday or today!


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## mermaid8 (Aug 25, 2010)

mossystate said:


> Happy Birthday, Mermaid8.
> 
> I see you had a birthday, yesterday or today!



hahaha...yes i do...my birthday is today actually, 8/25, i'm 28yrs old today.


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## Tau (Aug 25, 2010)

I love how people on You Tube act so wise - like Hear me now - I bring you the Truth!! LOOOOOL!! You're not Moses and what's coming out of your mouth is SH*T!!!! AHAHAHAHA!


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## chicken legs (Aug 25, 2010)

Fashion,and physical challenges (great sex included) help me love my body.


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## thirtiesgirl (Aug 25, 2010)

Many happy returns of the day, Miss Mermaid. I hope it's a good one.  :kiss2:


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## Jes (Aug 25, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> your advice sounds wonderful, but when i do those types of physical activity now i just feel self-conscious, fat, and ugly. moving around like that just reminds me of how unattractive i feel and how uncomfortable i am with living in this body.
> .



Yes. We do. WE do feel self-conscious and weird when we first try things. Think about other new things you've tried in life. Non-physical things. Weird at first, and then things became more balanced, right? 

I was sure people would stare when I joined a gym. Perhaps at some gyms, some people would've, but they don't, at mine. First, most people there (and most are men) are staring endlessly at themselves in the mirrors, flexing bicepts. I watch them much more than any of them watch me. Second, most people have a 'don't look at me, I won't look at you' thing happening at a gym. It's like being in a giant elevator--with bikes! I didn't want to look sweaty or get my standard big red tomato head at first...then I realized it was a badge of honor. It meant I'd had a strong workout. Everyone doing a big workout gets a red face. 

My point is that, over time, my opinions changed. I can't promise that yours will, but you won't know 'til you try. And really try. Again. Push through the emotional discomfort one step at a time, give yourself permission to have really awful days, but don't give yourself permission to stop moving forward however you can. Obviously, you're posting not because you don't care or because you're happy with the status quo, so tell yourself that this is gonna suck 'til you get used to it, and then start on the work of getting used to it. You are worth it.


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## mermaid8 (Aug 25, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Many happy returns of the day, Miss Mermaid. I hope it's a good one.  :kiss2:



thank you.


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## mermaid8 (Aug 25, 2010)

Jes said:


> Yes. We do. WE do feel self-conscious and weird when we first try things. Think about other new things you've tried in life. Non-physical things. Weird at first, and then things became more balanced, right?
> 
> I was sure people would stare when I joined a gym. Perhaps at some gyms, some people would've, but they don't, at mine. First, most people there (and most are men) are staring endlessly at themselves in the mirrors, flexing bicepts. I watch them much more than any of them watch me. Second, most people have a 'don't look at me, I won't look at you' thing happening at a gym. It's like being in a giant elevator--with bikes! I didn't want to look sweaty or get my standard big red tomato head at first...then I realized it was a badge of honor. It meant I'd had a strong workout. Everyone doing a big workout gets a red face.
> 
> My point is that, over time, my opinions changed. I can't promise that yours will, but you won't know 'til you try. And really try. Again. Push through the emotional discomfort one step at a time, give yourself permission to have really awful days, but don't give yourself permission to stop moving forward however you can. Obviously, you're posting not because you don't care or because you're happy with the status quo, so tell yourself that this is gonna suck 'til you get used to it, and then start on the work of getting used to it. You are worth it.



your point is a very valid one and so true. i have been to gyms before when i was 19/20/21 and no one stared at me even though that was my great fear,but i've lost my motivation now. i can't seem to push myself enough to workout (not simply to lose some weight, but to feel better) and i know i have to find some way to motivate myself.

far to often, i think about working out and i let myself off the hook; i never hold myself accountable. sigh...but i digress, thanks for the advice.


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## Jes (Aug 25, 2010)

So Mermaid--
you've started a thread and asked us about us. Why not tell us a bit more about yourself? Introduce yourself and all that, so we can roll out the welcome wagon!


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## mossystate (Aug 25, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> i have cut off contact with my ex, i blocked his number and email addresses, and i just moved to a new apartment (i live with my parents/i'm in graduate school) so he doesn't know where i live and can't send me stupid stuff in the mail either.





I can tell you are pretty shaken by the actions of this guy.

You say he doesn't have the address where you live, but I hope he doesn't know where you teach middle school history? I guess he wouldn't be so bold as to harrass you where you work...hopefully!


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## CastingPearls (Aug 25, 2010)

Happy Birthday, Mermaid. Here's to new beginnings.


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## mermaid8 (Aug 25, 2010)

mossystate said:


> I can tell you are pretty shaken by the actions of this guy.
> 
> You say he doesn't have the address where you live, but I hope he doesn't know where you teach middle school history? I guess he wouldn't be so bold as to harrass you where you work...hopefully!



no, he doesn't know where i intern as a middle school teacher.


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## mermaid8 (Aug 25, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Happy Birthday, Mermaid. Here's to new beginnings.



thank you..


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## CarlaSixx (Aug 25, 2010)

I second CP's post above 

I do hope you learn to love your body. I'm slowly getting there and this website has been a major part of the change for me. I don't fully love my body, but I appreciate it one Hell of a lot more than I did 2 years ago. And even then, I have gained quite a bit of weight since then! Now my major struggle is my mind, not my body. 

Hope you can come into your own soon enough  And just so you know, from the pics you posted, I'd kill to have a body like yours!


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## mermaid8 (Aug 25, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> I second CP's post above
> 
> I do hope you learn to love your body. I'm slowly getting there and this website has been a major part of the change for me. I don't fully love my body, but I appreciate it one Hell of a lot more than I did 2 years ago. And even then, I have gained quite a bit of weight since then! Now my major struggle is my mind, not my body.
> 
> Hope you can come into your own soon enough  And just so you know, from the pics you posted, I'd kill to have a body like yours!



:blush:well heheh, thank for such a nice compliment. i guess we all look at someone else's body and think, damm i would kill to have there's (i know i do). but, i digress...i hope that like for me, you are able to win the struggle with your body image/self-confidence/self-esteem.


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## mermaid8 (Aug 25, 2010)

Jes said:


> So Mermaid--
> you've started a thread and asked us about us. Why not tell us a bit more about yourself? Introduce yourself and all that, so we can roll out the welcome wagon!



i'm 28 yrs old (hehe my b-day is today), i was born and raised in brooklyn, new york and live with my parents (yuck lol). i've always been a big person and my family with the exception of my father are thin very thin. 



currently, i am a graduate student getting my master's degree in secondary social studies education and someday i would love to teach middle school history. as for now, i have two yrs left of school and in september i will be starting the second part of my teaching internship. the first time it was at a public high school and this time it will be at a public middle school. hopefully this time will go alot better than the last time, oh god i was so nervous and insecure the first time. 

i got my b.s. in social studies from st. francis college of nyc and spent my childhood going to catholic school; i went to an all girls catholic high school. as far as my family goes, i am the middle of three sisters (my older sister is 30, lawyer, married with kids and younger sister is 23, hostess, married with kids) and i come from a large, loud, talkative italian familly..hehehe.

my hobbies: astrology(studied it since i was 13), cooking (love to experiment with different cuisines), reading (i have over 100 books currently), writing poetry (been doing it since i was 11), watching yankees baseball (fan since i was 10, my grandfather got me into it), and running (i used to do this one, have to get back into it though). but honestly i really like to do just about most things like listen to music, dance, go to concerts or walks on the beach..etc. also, there isn't any specific food i hate either and i'm not picky, i love love asian food.

so, hope i didn't bore you and if there is anything else you would like to know just ask, i'm an open book and very honest. 

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## BeaBea (Aug 27, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> how do you learn to love the body you were born in?



One day at a time!  

More seriously, some days its easy, some days it's not. Some days I make one step forwards, some days its two steps back. Its all good though, and I'm getting there. Life hasn't turned out how I expected it in a million good ways and one or two bad ways but I'm still here, still hanging in there, still doing the best I can.

Dont beat yourself up for not loving all of you, concentrate on the bits you do like (Gorgeous face, nice boobs, whatever) and you'll gradually learn that you're so much more than just the sum of your parts. 

Enjoy the journey towards self acceptance - at 28 you're just starting out (Happy Birthday btw) I just turned 43 and I'm still learning. Life is so much more than just a destination or a finish line!

Tracey xx


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## mermaid8 (Aug 27, 2010)

BeaBea said:


> One day at a time!
> 
> More seriously, some days its easy, some days it's not. Some days I make one step forwards, some days its two steps back. Its all good though, and I'm getting there. Life hasn't turned out how I expected it in a million good ways and one or two bad ways but I'm still here, still hanging in there, still doing the best I can.
> 
> ...



what you say is most definetely true and i'm trying to feel better everyday.

thanks for all the advice.


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## sarie (Sep 7, 2010)

some great advice in this thread! thanks, everyone <3


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## DeDeDeRenne (Oct 21, 2010)

Mermaid I want to let you know, you are a beautiful woman. You have love yourself first. I agree with all of the women that gave suggestions about activities that YOU enjoy. I have decided to take belly dancing in the future. I am even investigating pole dancing and becoming a makeup artist. I would like to help you anyway I can. Please keep me updated.


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## Cynthia (Oct 21, 2010)

Thirtiesgirl, I loved the Joy Nash video. Thanks for posting that!

DeDeDeRenne, I was planning to post this Youtube link for Mermaid because I am so inspired by the zaftig dancer's grace and confidence. (She's Majida Anwar of Atlanta's Awalim tribal fusion belly dance troupe.) After reading your post, I feel sure that you'll like it, too.

http://www.youtube.com/user/ziahali#p/c/D4467BDBB1FFFC69/0/508vSbQ0Xss


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## tinkerbell (Oct 22, 2010)

I don't come here often anymore, but wanted to reply. And I can be long winded and rambley  So sorry in advance!

I don't know what it was that was the initial trigger for me to start loving myself and my body. I've always hated my body, I was teased growing up because I was fat. 

I joined this website at or near my highest weight, and I was unhappy with my body. It did help to see women who were my size and bigger who loved themselves.

One thing that has helped me is to stop the constant negative internal voice I had going all.the.time. All the time. Everytime I looked at myself in a mirror, or just anytime, I would say that I was ugly and fat, and I hated myself. I changed that - even though I didn't quite believe it at first, I would tell myself that I looked good, that I was hot, that I was beautiful... just anything positive. And it helped. I have a great husband who tells me those things everyday, but its something that had to come from within me to believe it. All the compliments, and FAs in the world cant make someone love themselves.

I know its not a popular thing to talk about here, but since I hit my heaviest I have lost weight. And have kept it off, and still have more to go. Its hard to explain, but when I finally started to like myself and my body, and could see the beautifulness in it, was when I was able to actually lose weight, and keep it off. So its not like the weight loss made me love myself, but starting to love myself helped me lose weight. I honestly love the way I look right now, and could stay at this weight for the rest of my life and be happy. And I'm still plus sized. But its really NOT ABOUT losing weight for me. So I don't want this to be viewed as pushing/promoting diet talk or whatever. All of this is just tied into me, and how I've changed. And really, at this point, the main reason I want to lose more wight, is because it will make the things I love to do, easier to do. Not because I have this hatred for how I look. I truely LOVE myself. And know I'm a pretty hot, sexy, beautiful, wonderful, great, loving woman, and will always be that, regardless of my weight, my size or whatever. Those numbers do NOT define me. 

Last year I fell in love with running. I started running at like 240 lbs I think. And I run outside, and wear running gear. I don't hide my body. I run where people will see me, and I don't care. I run in spandex shorts, and tank tops, and run where many local people go to run. I was so self conscious at first. But gradually stopped caring. And also realized that while there may be a few jerks out there, most of the time, people ignored me. They're out there to get in their own work out anyway. Didn't stare, or laugh or point. And honestly I've been surprised at the feed back I do get. Some can be patronizing, but I try to take it as people being nice. I've heard "You GO GIRL!" yelled by a fellow bbw, "Keep up the good work" by an elderly man I'd see often on one route, "You're doing great" "Great Job!!" "Keep going" and was recently stopped by a guy (my husband thinks its because he thought I was hot) in the park, and he told me that he's seen me around there, and that I have a lot of determination, and am doing great (he also gave me his card to join his boxing club, which I actually want to do). 

Once I stopped caring about what other people thought of me and focused on what I why I was out there (I love running), I realized that most people aren't out there to make fun me anyway, and probably aren't giving me a 2nd thought when they see me running. 

Running and also mt biking helped me in a way that is hard to put into words. Both helped me to stop focusing on how I looked, but focus on what awesome things my body could do. My "fat" legs were strong, and could carry me on a long run, like 15+ miles. Or could pedal me up steep hill. 

You said you used to love running - get back out there! Doing something you love helps. Even if its hard at first, keep at it, it will get easier. Hopefully you'll stop caring about what other people think, and will just enjoy doing something you love.


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## Tania (Oct 26, 2010)

Tink's right. There's a LOT more to self-acceptance than "this is how I am right now, this is how I was meant to be forever." 

The magic path mix is different for everyone. Obviously, everyone's happy place is different and not everyone is in a position to make realistic change. But I think it's important to point out that most of us have options when it comes to making positive changes in our lives. Feel free to try to meet yourself halfway.


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## superodalisque (Nov 11, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> sometimes i wish i could be happy with the body that god gave me, but being fat makes me feel so ugly. i joined this site to try and find out how to love myself with this body. if anyone has any insight and would like to give me some advice, please respond to my message.



do the thing that all women of any size need to do: give yourself the permission to be as beautiful as you already are without conditions, all over, not in pieces, not relative to someone else's false ideal but now, in the moment, as the universe intended you to be, mind body and spirit. the now is your journey alone. but know that journey should not depend on what a man or even another woman says does or thinks. what you feel and what you exemplify is under your control. you can focus on what tears you down or what builds you up. be forever conscious of that choice. be mindful of what you take into yourself and what you chose to think or dwell on or surround yourself with. if it doesn't benefit you and your self appreciation or the vision you have of yourself throw it away like the trash that it is.


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## katherine22 (Nov 12, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> Fashion,and physical challenges (great sex included) help me love my body.




If I could not love myself fat, at least I was going to dress it up. The turning point for me is when I went to a swimming pool in a bathing suit and the world did not come to an end.


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## superodalisque (Nov 13, 2010)

katherine22 said:


> If I could not love myself fat, at least I was going to dress it up. The turning point for me is when I went to a swimming pool in a bathing suit and the world did not come to an end.



yes exactly. i feel more than anything we tend to torture ourselves about what we think our bodies mean to other people. maybe we get shocked to find out that most folks are too busy living their own lives to even care what we look like anyway. people who do care enough to feel they have to let us know of any disapproval might have just need to get one. living for real outside of magazines t.v. and online fake stuff is the cure for any bs out there.


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## Luv2BNaughty (Nov 13, 2010)

I am in the same position as you, mermaid. I have dated several types of guys and have been married, all of whom loved me for me..but for some reason, I can't. It's like, I dunno - a huge mind trip. Sometimes I think to myself, "how can I truly feel or say that I love someone when I don't love myself?" It's something that I'm trying to overcome and the main reason why when I stumbled upon this website, I joined. I am a bit timid and shy, so it may take awhile for me to truly come out of my shell here, but it's really amazing and inspiring to be within a community of users who are enveloped in such confidence. I am truly jealous.


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## Sydney Vicious (Nov 14, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> sometimes i wish i could be happy with the body that god gave me, but being fat makes me feel so ugly. i joined this site to try and find out how to love myself with this body. if anyone has any insight and would like to give me some advice, please respond to my message.



Oh love, I want to give you such a big hug right now! 
It sounds like you're looking at yourself, and seeing the image in vogue next to you as idyllic. 
pause
Run yourself a bubble bath, sip some tea, and to both of these things by nothing but candlelight. Take some time to _feel your own shape_ and realize that this is who you are, this is the body that a god (or goddess) decided was yours to own and yours to *rock as hard as you can.* Buy yourself a long swooshy dress and walk around at home in it, spin, dance, leap over your cat! 
You're adorable, and I think your body is gorgeous. Screw those pictures of girls with hipbones protruding and ribs looking like a xylophone, only in the last 30 years have they been the image of 'beauty'. The way you appear to be shaped in your first picture reminds me of so many statues I saw in Italy, of women who were so beautiful that somebody found it necessary to immortalize them!
Love you, darling, love you as much as your heart can fit.
<3


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## Grundig QD40 (Nov 14, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> yes exactly. i feel more than anything we tend to torture ourselves about what we think our bodies mean to other people. maybe we get shocked to find out that most folks are too busy living their own lives to even care what we look like anyway. people who do care enough to feel they have to let us know of any disapproval might have just need to get one. living for real outside of magazines t.v. and online fake stuff is the cure for any bs out there.



I like that new avatar picture, superodalisque! What look is that you are going for? Its like we can see you and cant at the same time! Is there a name for that type of pic, with the flower and mask? (Oh and thats another excellent post too, i agree)


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## superodalisque (Nov 18, 2010)

i was reading in one of my old notebooks and found this quote and thought it belonged here for consideration:

Suffering means you've chosen the negative.

Agnes Martin


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## one2one (Nov 21, 2010)

mermaid8 said:


> sometimes i wish i could be happy with the body that god gave me, but being fat makes me feel so ugly. i joined this site to try and find out how to love myself with this body. if anyone has any insight and would like to give me some advice, please respond to my message.



For me, loving myself has had a lot to do with telling myself the truth. It helps sometimes to be mindful of the words used to describe things. Giving them their proper names can be very powerful. Try some of these and see if they help ...

Soft
Full
Round
Lush
Ample
Strong
Abundant
Curvy
Plush
Sexy
Comforting
Beautiful
Goddess

If it is hard to see how beautiful you are, then see if you notice the beauty in other women who are full and curvy. Or imagine a woman just like you in every way, but not you; a person separate from yourself. She has all the same attributes ... body, mind and spirit. You can see her in front of you or maybe at a distance. Perhaps she's doing something you do or somewhere you spend your time, and she is entirely unaware of you so it's fine to just observe and see what you happen to notice. 

What would you say about her?


p.s. I totally agree about sleeping naked. And throw away your scale if you have one. I mean it.


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