# FA is an action verb



## superodalisque (Apr 21, 2011)

what actions do you think describe your ideal FA? 

for me it has always been little acts of kindness and caring along with the big things. 

did he/she pull out or carry a big person's chair? 

did he/she bring him/her a glass of water when he/she was tired? 

is the person they help not a sex interest? i really respect someone who can be polite to a fat person they aren't attracted to. i don't trust selective kindness.


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## penguin (Apr 21, 2011)

I don't have an "ideal FA", but there are attributes and traits I'd like my ideal partner to have. 



superodalisque said:


> i really respect someone who can be polite to a fat person they aren't attracted to. i don't trust selective kindness.



You mustn't trust many people then, as I'm pretty sure most people do use selective kindness. We're not equally kind to everyone we meet and interact with.

Also, I find your wording here strange. I don't know why you needed to include the word fat here, as it makes it sound like being polite to fat people is unexpected or abnormal.


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## PeanutButterfly (Apr 21, 2011)

Hmmm my ideal FA/Partner is someone who knows when to treat me like everyone else and when to realize I'm different due to my size.

I'd like him to treat me like everyone else:
-by introducing me as his girlfriend to friends/family members
-hold my hand in public
-tell me I'm beautiful when I put effort into my appearance (and when I just feel like wearing sweats for that matter)


Realize I'm over 200 lbs:
-by keeping pace with me when walking
-let me move up the armrest in movie theaters so I have more room
-go with me to malls that have plus size clothing stores
-listen to my rants and soothe me after a particularly frustrating size related incident
-support my desire for cheesecake or the gym
-not take me rock climbing/hiking up a mountain or anything else that might difficult or painful for me.


There are more but thats all I can think of at the moment.


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## superodalisque (Apr 21, 2011)

penguin said:


> I don't have an "ideal FA", but there are attributes and traits I'd like my ideal partner to have.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



actually i know some really good people who are nice to pretty much everyone they meet as long as the person is decent to them. i think people who aren't decent to or careful of anyone who hasn't accosted them are pretty much antisocial jerks. what i'm talking about is based upon the assumption that the fat person they are dealing with is decent. i'll clarify by saying that the selective kindness i'm talking about is only reserved to people someone finds attractive and that other fat people they aren't attracted to are non entities to them even if they are great people and their needs are ignored and purposefully overlooked simply because they personally aren't a sexual interest to a particular person. that indeed makes me suspect. sorry you don't agree but that trait is very important to me personally. it tells me a lot about someone's character. its something that i admire. it shows me how i would be treated if the person ever decided to become disinterested in me. i like folks who are good to people they know and aren't just users. i'm not sure thats so unusual, at least it isn't in my world.

as for the need for the word fat, this is a fat related site so i tailored my comment to my audience. sure, there is a whole wide world full of all kinds of people but i think most people come here because being fat and being attracted to fat people is an issue they want to explore specifically in depth. the rest they can do anywhere.

as for an ideal FA, i can understand exactly where you're coming from. but what i was getting at is that the FA personality runs the gamut. some have acceptable traits to individual fat people, some not so much. what i'm trying to get at is what fat people find admirable in someone who calls themselves FAs. especially since some people might not exactly understand what it is a fat person might be looking for in a mate or just in someone who happens to like fat people and are around. this is a way for fat people to clarify individually what they really like and expect and why. if its fat related its fine. if its not fat related its fine. is it really ok for FAs to talk about what they want here and somehow not ok for fat people to talk about their desires relative to them?


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## penguin (Apr 21, 2011)

superodalisque said:


> actually i know some really good people who are nice to pretty much everyone they meet as long as the person is decent to them.



Which just proves my point. We don't treat everyone with equal kindness. I'm polite, if not friendly, to most people I come across. I don't treat those who are rude or behaving badly with the same kindness. It's a bit like saying you don't like judgemental people...but we all judge others. 



superodalisque said:


> what i'm talking about is based upon the assumption that the fat person they are dealing with is decent. i'll clarify by saying that the selective kindness i'm talking about is only reserved to people someone finds attractive and that other fat people they aren't attracted to are non entities to them even if they are great people and their needs are ignored and purposefully overlooked simply because they personally aren't a sexual interest to a particular person.



_Anyone_ who is only nice to those they find attractive or want something from are not going to be someone I want to be around or socialise with. I'm not going to be more or less impressed by someone doing that who is an FA. I'll think they're an ass regardless.



superodalisque said:


> that indeed makes me suspect. sorry you don't agree but that trait is very important to me personally. it tells me a lot about someone's character. its something that i admire. it shows me how i would be treated if the person ever decided to become disinterested in me. i like folks who are good to people they know. i'm not sure thats so unusual, at least it isn't in my world.



It's not a trait that I'll look for in FAs only. I'm not going to be friends with anyone who can't socialise properly or show empathy, let alone be in a relationship with them. I prefer relationships that have a base of friendship and grow from there, so the person I get involved with will have those traits I find desirable in a friend first. That does include treating others well, no matter what they look like, wherever they come from.



superodalisque said:


> as for the need for the word fat, this is a fat related site so i tailored my comment to my audience. sure, there is a whole wide world full of all kinds of people but i think most people come here because being fat and being attracted to fat people is an issue they want to explore specifically in depth. the rest they can do anywhere.



Yeah, I'm well aware of what sort of site this. I just think making statements that include things like "do you, as a fat person" are redundant. This is a BBW forum, so it's a given that we're fat. But in the sentence that I originally quoted, it just came across that the behaviour of someone who's attracted to fat people would be different than that of someone who's attracted to non-fat people.



superodalisque said:


> as for an ideal FA, i can understand where you're coming from. but what i was getting at is that the FA personality runs the gamut. some have acceptable traits to individual fat people, some not so much.



That goes for non-FAs. It goes for people in general. It runs with my coffee theory.




superodalisque said:


> what i'm trying to get at is what fat people find admirable in someone who calls themself an FA. especially since some people might not exactly understand what it is a fat person might be looking for in a mate or just in someone who happens to like fat people and are around. this is a way for fat people to clarify individually what they like and expect and why. if its fat related its fine. if its not fat relate its fine.



I try not to break the world down into FAs and non-FAs. People are people. A lot of folks know nothing about what an FA is but are attracted to bigger women. A lot of folks are just attracted to _people_, and their body shape and size isn't a deciding factor in that attraction. If someone's attracted to me, I'm not going to make sure they're an FA before I take it further.


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## EvilPrincess (Apr 21, 2011)

Moderator Reminder - 

Threads such as these attract a lot of attention. It is really hard to keep an all BBW thread all BBW when the topic is FAs. I might suggest that these types of topics be put on the main board or taken off line. FAs are related to the BBW in the overall picture, but truly the two can be separated out. This is the BBW forum, not the discuss the FA forum. 

This is the advance warning that it might not be possible to respond to every post that is not appropriate in the readers eye.


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## mossystate (Apr 21, 2011)

But, if fas are a huge part of the lives of many fat women...how can they not discuss them? Seems to be a very...very...thin rope fat women have to walk. I am not seeing a ton of fas ( who are not also fat women ) commenting. I do see some very outrageous comments that would never be allowed if they were coming from non fas and deposited on the fa forum...and are there not threads over there that attract attention? If there were dozens upon dozens of comments that needed to be picked through, I could understand...but....
On one hand, some people want fat women to want fas ...on the other hand, fat women are not really supposed to discuss those fas.


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## EvilPrincess (Apr 21, 2011)

There are lines all over the place..... On topic place for sharing experiences living as big, beautiful women in a society not geared towards recognizing the acronym as a truism...... 

If anyone would like to discuss this further please feel free to PM me I will reply as able and am open to ideas to make this a better forum. 



> *BBW: Stands for Big Beautiful Woman, a magazine and acronym owned by our Webmaster, Conrad Blickenstorfer. We operate from the literal meaning of the acronym, that big truly is beautiful.*
> 
> *Purpose of this forum: This forum is for discussion of BBW-only issues, by BBW about living as a BBW. We welcome on-topic commentary from SSBBW, non-BBW and all others. There are many other forums for discussion of other subjects, but this is the go-to place for on-topic sharing of our experiences living as big, beautiful women in a society not geared towards recognizing the acronym as a truism. Like the rest of Dimensions, this board is fat-positive.*
> 
> ...


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## superodalisque (Apr 21, 2011)

EvilPrincess said:


> There are lines all over the place..... On topic place for sharing experiences living as big, beautiful women in a society not geared towards recognizing the acronym as a truism......
> 
> If anyone would like to discuss this further please feel free to PM me I will reply as able and am open to ideas to make this a better forum.



so FAs are not a BBW issue? okaaay


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## EvilPrincess (Apr 21, 2011)

No ladies not saying you can't discuss FAs that would be silly, just saying the expectation needs to be set that it is a difficult topic to keep strictly BBW and that your patience with the moderation is appreciated.


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## superodalisque (Apr 21, 2011)

mossystate said:


> But, if fas are a huge part of the lives of many fat women...how can they not discuss them? Seems to be a very...very...thin rope fat women have to walk. I am not seeing a ton of fas ( who are not also fat women ) commenting. I do see some very outrageous comments that would never be allowed if they were coming from non fas and deposited on the fa forum...and are there not threads over there that attract attention? If there were dozens upon dozens of comments that needed to be picked through, I could understand...but....
> On one hand, some people want fat women to want fas ...on the other hand, fat women are not really supposed to discuss those fas.



i totally don't get it either.


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## superodalisque (Apr 21, 2011)

EvilPrincess said:


> No ladies not saying you can't discuss FAs that would be silly, just saying the expectation needs to be set that it is a difficult topic to keep strictly BBW and that your patience with the moderation is appreciated.



i personally have no expectations except to discuss. if someone wants to interject too much just do what is usually done when we engage too much in the FA forum. band them from posting here and make it where they can't see whats being said. no disrespect but i feel really put upon to be told what we can talk about within the parameters of the BBW forum. there is too much of a double standard. if we really can't talk about FAs just shut the whole forum down and have done with it.


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## superodalisque (Apr 21, 2011)

penguin said:


> I try not to break the world down into FAs and non-FAs. People are people. A lot of folks know nothing about what an FA is but are attracted to bigger women. A lot of folks are just attracted to _people_, and their body shape and size isn't a deciding factor in that attraction. If someone's attracted to me, I'm not going to make sure they're an FA before I take it further.




that makes sense. but since we are here among FAs wouldn't it be constructive for fat people to at least be able talk about and think about what a good one for them would be. not everyone breaks people down to that but some people do. shouldn't they have the right to talk about the attibutes they like best?


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## EvilPrincess (Apr 21, 2011)

superodalisque said:


> i personally have no expectations except to discuss. if someone wants to interject too much just do what is usually done when we engage too much in the FA forum. band them from posting here and make it where they can't see whats being said. no disrespect but i feel really put upon to be told what we can talk about within the parameters of the BBW forum. there is too much of a double standard. if we really can't talk about FAs just shut the whole forum down and have done with it.


 
Please refer to the BBW forum guidelines. While this is an open protected forum there are limits to that protected nature and with is acceptable. 
Regards.. EP


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## Dromond (Apr 22, 2011)

I'm seeing an attempt to stifle discussion on the subject of "FAs." I can't think of a topic more germane to big women than the men who profess admiration of them.


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## mossystate (Apr 22, 2011)

EvilPrincess said:


> Please refer to the BBW forum guidelines. While this is an open protected forum there are limits to that protected nature and with is acceptable.
> Regards.. EP



EP, I am sure you have seen posts that have been reported, and those posts very much go against the guildlines already in place for the bbw forum. Not giving you a hard time. I sincerely do not understand how a " better " forum can be had if the rules already in place are not enforced. 
Male fas coming in and telling a fat women that they need to ...be...do...act...in any certain manner, I know that is not something allowed in this forum. It is the same on the fa forum. When another fa ( male and not a fat woman ) comes in and talks about the " broken records " so many fat women are..also not a post I would think difficult to toss in the moderator garbage can.
And I know you are not the only ' decider '.


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## penguin (Apr 22, 2011)

superodalisque said:


> that makes sense. but since we are here among FAs wouldn't it be constructive for fat people to at least be able talk about and think about what a good one for them would be. not everyone breaks people down to that but some people do. shouldn't they have the right to talk about the attibutes they like best?



Of course they have the right to do that. I just think it's a given that there are BBWs and FAs here and it's unnecessary to overlabel everything you post. I think it's also good to see the person beyond the label.


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## superodalisque (Apr 22, 2011)

penguin said:


> Of course they have the right to do that. I just think it's a given that there are BBWs and FAs here and it's unnecessary to overlabel everything you post. I think it's also good to see the person beyond the label.



true. but i'm sorry i'm not you and i might not word everything the way you personally like it all of the time.


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## superodalisque (Apr 22, 2011)

EvilPrincess said:


> Please refer to the BBW forum guidelines. While this is an open protected forum there are limits to that protected nature and with is acceptable.
> Regards.. EP



sorry but i don't see how i am invading the protection seeing that i am a BBW? what exactly is it that i'm doing to violate the forum? i'm just trying to understand you.


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## CastingPearls (Apr 22, 2011)

Dromond said:


> I'm seeing an *attempt to stifle discussion* on the subject of "FAs." I can't think of a topic more germane to big women than the men who profess admiration of them.


I strongly agree with this observation.


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## James (Apr 26, 2011)

I recently had an interesting exchange with a fellow FA that got me thinking about the kinds of actions FAs ought to be taking. 

Specifically, we discussed the kinds of actions and fat acceptance activism that should come from FAs. Broadly speaking, one of us felt that more FAs ought to be involved in fat acceptance activism (with the corollary that they are not so currently being a limiting factor in the success of fat acceptance) and the other felt that FAs have no specific role that they ought to play other than just date openly (and that they are not specifically a limiting factor in the success of fat acceptance). 

BBWs of this forum, what are your thoughts? Should FAs be good activists, good boyfriends/girlfriends or should they be both?

Mods : My apologies if this isn't specific enough to the topic or if it isn't my place to raise this question in this space. Please delete or move if it needs be...


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## superodalisque (Apr 27, 2011)

James said:


> I recently had an interesting exchange with a fellow FA that got me thinking about the kinds of actions FAs ought to be taking.
> 
> Specifically, we discussed the kinds of actions and fat acceptance activism that should come from FAs. Broadly speaking, one of us felt that more FAs ought to be involved in fat acceptance activism (with the corollary that they are not so currently being a limiting factor in the success of fat acceptance) and the other felt that FAs have no specific role that they ought to play other than just date openly (and that they are not specifically a limiting factor in the success of fat acceptance).
> 
> ...



my thought is that maybe you should start a thread on the FA forum or on the main board. my intent was not to ask about the roles FAs should play politically. the intention of the thread is to ask BBWs alone what actual specific characteristics they would like to find in an ideal FA and that goes beyond the perimeters of fat politics. its a lot more personal. we have a lot of threads already about political roles of groups of people etc... this one is just for women individually to talk about what they personally want. please don't redefine and limit the span of the conversation. FAs have ideal BBWs in mind. BBWs just might have ideal FAs in mind as well. i'd like to see that discussion. thank you for your attempt to make the thread more palatable somehow but actually its rather sad that someone feels they have to for such a common ordinary everyday kind of a question.


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## Emma (Apr 28, 2011)

PeanutButterfly said:


> -support my desire for cheesecake or the gym



This is a really important point for me. I have days where I don't care about weight and want to eat a billion cheesecakes and everything, but I also have days where I don't like being fat and want to diet. I don't like being pushed and I like the person I am with to be supportive. 

They have to, above all, realise that my body is mine and much more important than them getting off in a sexual way. I do realise that sexual attraction is a very important part of love but ultimately there is so much more to it. If a person doesn’t value me above my fat then I wouldn’t want to be with that person anyway. 

Luckily I have a person like that so all is good hehe I orginally fancied him because of his long hair, long hair is a very strong preference of mine and I tend to have a hard time finding people attractive who don't have it. In 10 years if he goes bald or chooses to cut his hair I'm hardly going to dump him over it.


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## Deacone (Apr 29, 2011)

My ideal FA is my boyfriend. 

He is the perfect boyfriend and the perfect FA.

He is lovely, caring, kind and funny, and he makes me feel wanted and attractive all the time (sometimes so much that our friends get sick of it!). 

He looks after me when I'm tired, getting water, getting things for me, helping me put my socks on sometiems (only when i'm really bloody tired and cant be bothered to stretch down). He makes me feel like a proper princess, and we even go swimming together! 

I fancy the pants off of him and he always makes our sex life amazing, NOT a chore. He works so hard to make me feel loved. 

J_JP_M IS the PERFECT FA/Boyfriend, and I am so lucky to have him


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## superodalisque (Apr 29, 2011)

Deacone said:


> My ideal FA is my boyfriend.
> 
> He is the perfect boyfriend and the perfect FA.
> 
> ...



you are so lucky and it seems like he is pretty darned lucky too and knows it


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