# Females, Sexuality and Peer Pressure



## LoveBHMS (Apr 24, 2010)

So this came out of a conversation i was having with a SSBBW regarding male FA.

I was talking with two fat guys at my part time job, and both of them said they'd never heard of female chubby chasers, and both seemed honestly intrigued by the idea. One said that all of his female partners had made it clear they preferred skinny and muscular male bodies. Both these men are adults, over 21. I realized that i'd been with two BHM who said i was the first FFA they encounterd, with one saying it wasn't till he was 37 years old that he actually felt comfortable being naked around somebody because he knew his body was an actual turnon, not just something where the partner was either indifferent to his size or accepting of it without being "into it". The SSBBW i was talking to said she'd met her first FA in her teens.

I realized most of the posts i've seen on here regarding peer pressure or pressure from relatives have been from male FA. I was also reflecting as to whether or not, peer pressure nonwithstanding, male FA were comfortable with expressing and acknowleging their preference at a younger age.

So, what i was wondering from FFA are the following:

1. Have you been on the receiving end of negative peer pressure regarding being an FFA?

2. Were you always aware you were an FFA and how early did you realize it?

3. Was it something you suppressed or did you express it by being with fat guys or openly crushing on fat celebrities?


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## msbard90 (Apr 24, 2010)

1. Have you been on the receiving end of negative peer pressure regarding being an FFA?

-Yes, and I think that any FFA or FA is for that matter. Pretty much everywhere around the world, being attracted to thin people is obviously much more socially acceptable, so there is peer pressure in a way to suppress my feelings about my preferences. However, with my close friends and of course, people on this website know my preferences, and I have not been negatively judged because of it.

2. Were you always aware you were an FFA and how early did you realize it?

- Minus the terminology aspect, yes I was always aware I was an FFA. I knew from the time I was about 5 or 6 that I was intrigued by and attracted to fat people. I always thought I was alone- like how could anyone ever find fat erotic or beautiful, but then I learned (through myspace lol) at age 16 that there were such people as "feedees and feeders", and that there were people who actually liked fat. It was a ground breaking, life altering discovery for me.

3. Was it something you suppressed or did you express it by being with fat guys or openly crushing on fat celebrities? 

-I do suppress it, still. I am trying to learn to be more open with others. I have let my close friends and boyfriend know about it, which was a relief when I knew that they were supportive of me.


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## veil (Apr 25, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> So this came out of a conversation i was having with a SSBBW regarding male FA.
> 
> I was talking with two fat guys at my part time job, and both of them said they'd never heard of female chubby chasers, and both seemed honestly intrigued by the idea. One said that all of his female partners had made it clear they preferred skinny and muscular male bodies. Both these men are adults, over 21. I realized that i'd been with two BHM who said i was the first FFA they encounterd, with one saying it wasn't till he was 37 years old that he actually felt comfortable being naked around somebody because he knew his body was an actual turnon, not just something where the partner was either indifferent to his size or accepting of it without being "into it". The SSBBW i was talking to said she'd met her first FA in her teens.
> 
> ...



a bit, mainly from my family. they don't give me much shit, but they kind of look at me askew. i'm the weird one though, and always have been, but i also contribute a lot to the extended family and am there in crisis & reliable so they tend to let me be weird without too much comment.



> 2. Were you always aware you were an FFA and how early did you realize it?



i think i always have been, i just remember being fascinated by larger bodies, the curves and all. i didn't realize til i was older that fat bodies felt different too--as a teen i dated one very self conscious BHM so i assumed they felt the same as thinner bodies. happily, this is not so, and my boyfriend is both the love of my life and the most deliciously soft and unself conscious man i could ever imagine (well, at least when it's just the two of us).



> 3. Was it something you suppressed or did you express it by being with fat guys or openly crushing on fat celebrities?



SUPPRESSED. i'm so sorry guys, i wish i had had the guts to be open about it in high school. as it was i would say, at most, that i liked guys with a bit of meat on their bones but was closed mouthed about anything else.

i read some other FFA's post on the forums where she talked about how she would even avoid words like fat, or belly, because they held a charge for her (i'm paraphrasing, my apologies to whatever wise woman said this in case i'm getting it incorrectly). i was the same way. i had a hard enough time in high school being weird, depressed, well read and passionate about what i believed in that being open about liking ladies and fat guys (and fat ladies!) seemed like too much to bear.

it's funny, i was actually composing a post like this in my head to thank everyone here. i don't think i could have made the jump out of my toxic previous relationship without seeing people here be happy with their partner. it wasn't the only factor, but it helped. it also helped me talk to the man i love about how i felt about him, and then, later, when we finally got to be together face to face (he lives ten hours away) it helped me be open about what i find desirable on his body. i told him i love his belly, his chest (which he's very shy about), his broad back and he just soaks up the love and praise and glows. both of us are so happy finding someone who loves and accepts us, in all our fractured states and honestly, it would have taken a lot longer to get here without reading your posts.

the last time we were together he was trying to open a window, and had to reach up. his shirt rode up, revealing his belly and the adorable roll over his belt. i know he's very sensitive about his body when that happens, so i told him it was very cute to watch. he said, "you know, usually i'd be embarassed and pull my shirt down as fast as i could but... then i remembered i'm with b, and b likes it." 

thanks everyone, very much. :bow:


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## Esther (Apr 25, 2010)

1. Have you been on the receiving end of negative peer pressure regarding being an FFA?

Not really, to be honest. Of course I'm aware that desiring bigger men is not the social norm... but no one in my life has said anything about it. I don't think my parents care one way or the other, as long as I'm being treated properly. As far as friends go... I've heard five or six of my female friends and acquaintances admit that they are into heavier guys too. Most of them were a bit shy about it, and just dropped hints like: "I'm not into skinny guys" or "I like a guy with some chub to grab on to", but one girl surprised me a couple months ago by coming right out and saying "I actually really like fat guys. I don't get why people think it's weird." I'm starting to realize that it's not an uncommon preference in my group of friends.

2. Were you always aware you were an FFA and how early did you realize it?

I've been aware of my preference for as long as I can remember. I was just always drawn to bigger people... at five or six, I can remember being totally mesmerized by the father of one of my classmates (he was a very big, tall man). I didn't realize that the feelings I was having were sexual until I was a bit older.

3. Was it something you suppressed or did you express it by being with fat guys or openly crushing on fat celebrities?

I wouldn't say that I suppressed my feelings... I think I was just a super late bloomer in general. I wasn't very pretty or confident in highschool, so I wasn't too popular with the young gentlemen. I didn't have much of a chance to date around and explore what I was into... so I didn't have a clue what I wanted. I wasn't sure if having fantasies about fat guys meant that I would be happier being with a fat guy in real life, or if I could be happy with a thin boy. I had a chubby boyfriend for awhile, and I liked him a lot... but we were 15, and both very shy so we were rarely intimate. After him I dated a few thin boys... it just didn't feel right until I dated a few fat guys. Then everything clicked. I'm pretty honest about what I'm into now... of course there are some naughty fantasies I'd rather keep to myself, but if anyone asks, I do tell them I prefer big guys.


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## StarMoon (Apr 25, 2010)

Truth be told I never heard of the term FFA until I came here and never meet anyone who called them self an FFA


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## LovesBigMen (Apr 26, 2010)

1. Have you been on the receiving end of negative peer pressure regarding being an FFA?

No didn't resceive negative peer pressure my friends have all been accepting about it. I thought they would take it bad, but it seems like everything is worse in my head.
2. Were you always aware you were an FFA and how early did you realize it?

Yes I remeber since like kindergarden always liked the chubby boy and have always had crushes on hefty guys 
3. Was it something you suppressed or did you express it by being with fat guys or openly crushing on fat celebrities?[/QUOTE]

I think I didn't supress like tell my self it was wrong or maybe I did but I know I don't supress it anymore I mean I got a shirtto wear and say I like hefty guys


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## talpa (May 16, 2010)

1.Have you been on the receiving end of negative peer pressure regarding being an FFA?

No, because people seem to assume I date guys _despite_ their size. Like I’m this incredibly noble woman who ignores the outside and sees the real man inside. :huh: Apart from the guys themselves, no one has ever asked me if I like big men, so I wonder what people would think if they knew that instead of being all saintly and wonderful I’m just as much of letch as anyone else. 

2. Were you always aware you were an FFA and how early did you realize it?

Yes, except I didn’t know I was. I knew I was really turned off by the type of man I was supposed to be attracted to &#8211; visible, defined muscles give me the creeps, it’s like looking at a skeleton &#8211; but because I grew up pre-internet there just weren’t any images around of other body types. 

I used to day dream about what famous male film stars and pop stars would look like fat, so really, you’d think I’d have worked it out earlier.

Then I had my first big guy, um, moment  when I was about 25ish, I don’t think he liked his body much, but wow I certainly did, and I did everything I could to try and convince him I did. 

Then of course I thought I must be like, really really weird, because no one else in the whole world ever likes fat men, do they? :doh:

3. Was it something you suppressed or did you express it by being with fat guys or openly crushing on fat celebrities?

I didn’t suppress it, but I have dated skinny guys (c’mon people, overlook your prejudices, some of them have great personalities!), but it’s just not the same.

I’ll openly lust over fat celebrities/characters &#8211; like DCI Gene Hunt from Life on Mars/Ashes to Ashes (he’s chubbing out very nicely), but I don’t feel the need to qualify it. I’d say 'that Gene Hunt, phroar’, not &#8216;Gene Hunt, he’s chubbing out very nicely, phroar.’


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## Sasquatch! (May 16, 2010)

Gene Hunt is a bit of a hit with all the ladies, though.

....


Phroar!


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## rellis10 (May 16, 2010)

talpa said:


> I didnt suppress it, but I have dated skinny guys (cmon people, overlook your prejudices, some of them have great personalities!), but its just not the same.



Sorry but this bit made me chuckle slightly. Not because i found the comment itself funny but because that's the same thing people have said about fat guys for a loooong time.

"Yeah he's big, but he's got a good sense of humour." :happy:


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## talpa (May 16, 2010)

rellis10 said:


> Sorry but this bit made me chuckle slightly. Not because i found the comment itself funny but because that's the same thing people have said about fat guys for a loooong time.
> 
> "Yeah he's big, but he's got a good sense of humour." :happy:


Yeah, I meant it as an ironic jokey comment.


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## joswitch (May 16, 2010)

Sasquatch! said:


> Gene Hunt is a bit of a hit with all the ladies, though.
> 
> ....
> 
> ...



All the nice girls love a bastard!


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## rellis10 (May 16, 2010)

talpa said:


> Yeah, I meant it as an ironic jokey comment.



Ooops....sorry. I'm in a bit of a dippy mood today.


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## LovesBigMen (May 16, 2010)

talpa said:


> I didnt suppress it, but I have dated skinny guys (cmon people, overlook your prejudices, some of them have great personalities!), 



This made me smile cause haha I say I am shallow I like big guy and not really skinny guys.

Haha I have met skinny guys with great personalities, but I understand it just isn't the same. I just want to imagine feeling some softness and they just arn't soft hehe.:happy:


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## youareneverready (May 17, 2010)

1. Have you been on the receiving end of negative peer pressure regarding being an FFA?

Personally, no. That said, though I consider myself an FFA, and my real penchant is for the larger man, I have also found myself attracted to some smaller guys and had relationships with them, so I am not so much 'out' in terms of being an FFA rather than it is generally assumed by my friends that I have varied, and sometimes unconventional tastes, and that's pretty much cool with them.

2. Were you always aware you were an FFA and how early did you realize it?

Aware, no, but looking back on my childhood there are so many signs that it should have been completely obvious to anyone who knew that FFAs existed. I was always fascinated with larger people, almost to the point of obsession at times, and I always remember getting a sort of funny feeling in my stomach whenever fat and weight were discussed or came up on TV or whatever. I guess I didn't realise properly until I was about 16 and dating a kinda chubby guy, and I realised how much that aspect actually excited me sexually, rather than just being a sort of curiosity.

3. Was it something you suppressed or did you express it by being with fat guys or openly crushing on fat celebrities?

I never really felt the need to suppress it exactly, though I haven't always been open about my preferences because I haven't always been with fat guys. To be honest, I've always had a lot of trouble finding guys anything more than a little overweight, or at least ones I had anything much in common with. Maybe it's just the places I've lived in. However, right now I'm seeing a wonderful, funny, big-bellied guy and it's absolutely amazing, a sense of physical desire and sexual fulfilment that I just haven't experienced with smaller guys, even though I've been attracted to them. In terms of crushing on fat celebrities, I guess it's never come up. It's never really been a topic of conversation, but if it did come up I'd be honest about it. That said, there's often a big difference between Hollywood-fat and regular-fat.


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## LillyBBBW (May 17, 2010)

I never got that sense from anyone in regards to peer pressure. I wasn't really aware that I was an FFA, I just liked who I liked. It never occured to me that in order to like one thing it means you must dislike something else so it never really stood out as being a thing. Most of my friends were okay with whoever I thought was cute. It might have a lot to do with the fact that I myself am a large woman. Anyone I knew was already either ok with fatness or going out of their way to be really PC about it. The worst issues I had actually came from fat men themselves. Most of them prefer thin women and there is this undercurrent of expectation out there that if you're a fat person then it's only reasonable that you should date other fat people or at least be okay with it. I've found that very often big men have hangups about being approached or pressured to approach big women so the response to even a polite compliment from a big woman can be overly stiff and melodramatic. It's like no one wants to be caught dead being liked by a fat woman because it proves that grandma was right all along. It's odd. That, more than anything, has made me aprehensive about approaching larger guys. I know it's not true of everyone but it's happened often enough to cause some kneejerk of my own.


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## Dusselchen (May 20, 2010)

*1. Have you been on the receiving end of negative peer pressure regarding being an FFA?*
Honestly? Yes, I have. And I'm still getting some.
But I don't care (and didn't care back then) because people hated me for several reasons, starting from being good at school, good-looking (), loving Heavy Metal... so I stopped caring quite early.
*2. Were you always aware you were an FFA and how early did you realize it?*
When I realized that a part of me didn't want my boyfriend to lose weight. Well, this was the first time I realized that I love his belly. It took a few years until I realized that I am, in fact, an FFA.
*3. Was it something you suppressed or did you express it by being with fat guys or openly crushing on fat celebrities?*
Well, I had my boyfriend and I never tried to hide him and I never felt ashamed. 
I'm not only into fat guys, there are some slim guys who are really hot, too. I've never been into celebrities my peer group knew, so this has never been discussed.


Aw, excuse my crappy English. I'm far too tired to concentrate and far too lazy to go to bed.


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## SanDiega (May 21, 2010)

Dusselchen said:


> *1. Have you been on the receiving end of negative peer pressure regarding being an FFA?*
> Honestly? Yes, I have. And I'm still getting some.
> But I don't care (and didn't care back then) because people hated me for several reasons, starting from being good at school, good-looking (), loving Heavy Metal... so I stopped caring quite early.
> *2. Were you always aware you were an FFA and how early did you realize it?*
> ...



....... your English is not crappy. You write better than me, and I have lived and been educated in an English speaking country since the day I was born.


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## Buffetbelly (May 23, 2010)

talpa said:


> 1.Have you been on the receiving end of negative peer pressure regarding being an FFA?
> 
> No, because people seem to assume I date guys _despite_ their size. Like Im this incredibly noble woman who ignores the outside and sees the real man inside. :huh: Apart from the guys themselves, no one has ever asked me if I like big men, so I wonder what people would think if they knew that instead of being all saintly and wonderful Im just as much of letch as anyone else.


 
I've heard this from many FFA's and FA's as well. You must be a saint to put up with all that massive, rippling, jiggling, overflowing, bouncy, squishy FAT!


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## talpa (May 24, 2010)

Buffetbelly said:


> (snip!) You must be a saint to put up with all that massive, rippling, jiggling, overflowing, bouncy, squishy FAT!


Oh _yeah_, it's a tough life, but what can you do!?


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## Sasquatch! (May 24, 2010)

talpa said:


> Oh _yeah_, it's a tough life, but what can you do!?



Put on swimming goggles and dive right in?


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## Delineator (Jun 24, 2010)

LillyBBBW said:


> I never got that sense from anyone in regards to peer pressure. I wasn't really aware that I was an FFA, I just liked who I liked. It never occured to me that in order to like one thing it means you must dislike something else so it never really stood out as being a thing. Most of my friends were okay with whoever I thought was cute. It might have a lot to do with the fact that I myself am a large woman. Anyone I knew was already either ok with fatness or going out of their way to be really PC about it. The worst issues I had actually came from fat men themselves. Most of them prefer thin women and there is this undercurrent of expectation out there that if you're a fat person then it's only reasonable that you should date other fat people or at least be okay with it. I've found that very often big men have hangups about being approached or pressured to approach big women so the response to even a polite compliment from a big woman can be overly stiff and melodramatic. It's like no one wants to be caught dead being liked by a fat woman because it proves that grandma was right all along. It's odd. That, more than anything, has made me aprehensive about approaching larger guys. I know it's not true of everyone but it's happened often enough to cause some kneejerk of my own.



I think this dynamic follows from a conventional misunderstanding of how assortative mating works, where it is expected that fat people are more inclined to pair off with each other.

Thus fat girls with more attractive options(skinny/buff guys) are encouraged to falsify this convention by communicating their aversion for fat guys, weighted with exceptional cruelty to keep the message as informative as possible(as a deterrent to amorous fat guys).

This tendency has reciprocal consequences(dependant on a temperament that reciprocates hostility) in affecting a resentment towards fat girls, by slighted/injured fat guys.

But that's how group reputations work - they spuriously weigh against individuals, in anticipation of information assymetry.

So, it's often a case where BBW with these additional options are cruelly spurning BHM advances, ruining any sense of solidarity, and burning bridges for the few receptive BBW who may come their way later on.

It's sad, but predictable.


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## GiantGil (Jun 24, 2010)

Delineator said:


> I think this dynamic follows from a conventional misunderstanding of how assortative mating works, where it is expected that fat people are more inclined to pair off with each other.
> 
> Thus fat girls with more attractive options(skinny/buff guys) are encouraged to falsify this convention by communicating their aversion for fat guys, weighted with exceptional cruelty to keep the message as informative as possible(as a deterrent to amorous fat guys).
> 
> ...



I wish this didn't ring true.

I'm sure there's lots of this to go around on both sides, but these kinds of sentiments seem to echo what I see in real life:

http://groups.google.com/group/soc.support.fat-acceptance/msg/4dd1ed16ba8b165f

http://groups.google.com/group/soc.support.fat-acceptance/msg/0fa7dc69c53fd2ae?dmode=source

http://groups.google.com/group/soc.support.fat-acceptance/msg/66360339f88258a8

http://groups.google.com/group/soc....read/thread/9bc4560c7e75eff4/b1d41ec828ea5203

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9455562.aspx

http://n2.nabble.com/Real-Women-td4039654.html

http://www.largepassions.com/desearch/Popularity.html

(compare the comments left for BHM with those left for the Studs)


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## HeartsBHM (Jun 24, 2010)

Delineator said:


> I think this dynamic follows from a conventional misunderstanding of how assortative mating works, where it is expected that fat people are more inclined to pair off with each other.
> 
> Thus fat girls with more attractive options(skinny/buff guys) are encouraged to falsify this convention by communicating their aversion for fat guys, weighted with exceptional cruelty to keep the message as informative as possible(as a deterrent to amorous fat guys).
> 
> ...




Being a BBW FFA, I hate to admit that I do notice alot of cruel comments made by BBW with respect to BHM(outside of high school, I've only seen this happen in discrete conversation between girlfriends).

But does that mean it's OK to hold all BBWs accountable for the sentiments of a few?


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 24, 2010)

Delineator said:


> I think this dynamic follows from a conventional misunderstanding of how assortative mating works, where it is expected that fat people are more inclined to pair off with each other.
> 
> Thus fat girls with more attractive options(skinny/buff guys) are encouraged to falsify this convention by communicating their aversion for fat guys, weighted with exceptional cruelty to keep the message as informative as possible(as a deterrent to amorous fat guys).
> 
> ...



This is exactly the dynamic I was talking about, only in the reverse. I'm not suggesting that this is always the case of course. I've been an FFA for all of my life and for me, this scenario has been a prominant theme. I'm just one person though and I don't mean to suggest this is everyone's motivation.  It is possible that it just stands out more for me when it happens with BHMs simply because of my attraction to them and also the odd irony in the circumstance. 

Anyone is capable of being nasty. Alot of women in general tend to be nasty towards men whose advances are unwanted. I've been in the presence of women saying nasty things about short guys, skinny guys, muscle jocks, guidos, etc. My sister doesn't like white guys and has gotten to the point of being really nasty when approached by one. Experiences with receiving unwanted advances even after stating that she's not interested has caused her reactions to be very distinct from the start. It's unfair and I've told her this, but she insists she has her reasons. She's a bad seed who perpetuates aprehension which is unfortunate. This kind of dynamic plays a part in a lot of people's hostility towards those they are not attracted to. "I always attract these short guys!" has been angrily uttered more than once in my presence. At some point any one of us can and will be treated like crap by someone who doesn't find us to be their ideal.


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## Delineator (Jun 24, 2010)

HeartsBHM said:


> Being a BBW FFA, I hate to admit that I do notice alot of cruel comments made by BBW with respect to BHM(outside of high school, I've only seen this happen in discrete conversation between girlfriends).
> 
> But does that mean it's OK to hold all BBWs accountable for the sentiments of a few?




No, I think it's irrational.

But people are largely irrational(this is where all our emotional baggage comes from).


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## Delineator (Jun 24, 2010)

LillyBBBW said:


> This is exactly the dynamic I was talking about, only in the reverse. I'm not suggesting that this is always the case of course. I've been an FFA for all of my life and for me, this scenario has been a prominant theme. I'm just one person though and I don't mean to suggest this is everyone's motivation.  It is possible that it just stands out more for me when it happens with BHMs simply because of my attraction to them and also the odd irony in the circumstance.
> 
> Anyone is capable of being nasty. Alot of women in general tend to be nasty towards men whose advances are unwanted. I've been in the presence of women saying nasty things about short guys, skinny guys, muscle jocks, guidos, etc. My sister doesn't like white guys and has gotten to the point of being really nasty when approached by one. Experiences with receiving unwanted advances even after stating that she's not interested has caused her reactions to be very distinct from the start. It's unfair and I've told her this, but she insists she has her reasons. She's a bad seed who perpetuates aprehension which is unfortunate. This kind of dynamic plays a part in a lot of people's hostility towards those they are not attracted to. "I always attract these short guys!" has been angrily uttered more than once in my presence. At some point any one of us can and will be treated like crap by someone who doesn't find us to be their ideal.



Yes, we are each entangled in our own experimenter effect - which limits our frame of observation.

So, it's sometimes hard for BHM to relate to BBW problems(and vice versa).


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