# What do you all think on this issue?



## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

This is more of an FA question, really, but I dont want to be discrimitory.

While it doesn't "suck" being a FA (Actually, its quite fun ^^), Its still kinda alkward when your friends are bringing their size 4 girls to the club and you (for lack of better term) "can't" bring your girl, because you know you'll be recieved differently; you won't be "one of the guys".

Unfortunatly, where I live there are some major size acceptiance issues. Being an FA is a odd thing, at the very least. Being one who like a larger girl , I absolutely HATE this conundrum. So, to the title, what do you guys think on this issue?


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## Santaclear (Aug 24, 2008)

Bring your girl, if she wants to go. Or just do something else with her and blow those guys off if they're jerks.


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## mediaboy (Aug 24, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Bring your girl, if she wants to go. Or just do something else with her and blow those guys off if they're jerks.




Problem solved!


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## Tina (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> This is more of an FA question, really, but I dont want to be discrimitory.
> 
> While it doesn't "suck" being a FA (Actually, its quite fun ^^), Its still kinda alkward when your friends are bringing their size 4 girls to the club and you (for lack of better term) "can't" bring your girl, because you know you'll be recieved differently; you won't be "one of the guys".
> 
> Unfortunatly, where I live there are some major size acceptiance issues. Being an FA is a odd thing, at the very least. Being one who like a larger girl , I absolutely HATE this conundrum. So, to the title, what do you guys think on this issue?



If that's what it takes to be one of the guys, you need a different group of friends.

This isn't meant personally (though I understand if you'd take it that way), but more experience talking: Any woman who would go out with a guy (more than the one time it would take to see what's going on, anyway) who is ashamed with her also needs to meet a better class of people.

I went out with a tightly closeted FA once years ago and vowed never to do it again, and I never would. Only out FAs all the way for this girl, lemme tell ya. Well, except, of course, that I'm married to the love of my life -- an out FA.


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## Fascinita (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> This is more of an FA question, really, but I dont want to be discrimitory.
> 
> While it doesn't "suck" being a FA (Actually, its quite fun ^^), Its still kinda alkward when your friends are bringing their size 4 girls to the club and you (for lack of better term) "can't" bring your girl, because you know you'll be recieved differently; you won't be "one of the guys".
> 
> Unfortunatly, where I live there are some major size acceptiance issues. Being an FA is a odd thing, at the very least. Being one who like a larger girl , I absolutely HATE this conundrum. So, to the title, what do you guys think on this issue?



In other words, you're ashamed to be seen with your fat girlfriend?

Ah. Well, this is an easy one: Stay away from fat women. You'll be doing them and yourself a favor. Everybody wins.

If there isn't a solution, the problem is in your head.


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

Tina said:


> If that's what it takes to be one of the guys, you need a different group of friends.
> 
> This isn't meant personally (though I understand if you'd take it that way), but more experience talking: Any woman who would go out with a guy (more than the one time it would take to see what's going on, anyway) who is ashamed with her also needs to meet a better class of people.



While I can't really agree with the first point (Hehe, more like you're right, i just wont admit it...wait...:doh, I can most definatly agree with the second.

I am socially closeted with people who I know well. But if I take my girl out, its all out in the open.

While i hate the Open/Shut routine, its a reality that i have to deal with. My girl has met the family, and they accept it (obesity exists on both sides of the tree). my 'friends' do not. so, you are right. Either they deal or they're just not good people.


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> In other words, you're ashamed to be seen with your fat girlfriend?
> 
> Ah. Well, this is an easy one: Stay away from fat women. You'll be doing them and yourself a favor. Everybody wins.
> 
> If there isn't a solution, the problem is in your head.




>.< that seems rather hostile, but i'll go with it, considering i can see where you are coming from.

I am COMPLETELY 110% open with or when im with my GF. I am never ashamed to be seen with her.

My friends are athletic, on teams, all that good stuff (as am I). They choose the steriotypical blond. Dumb, skinny, big boobs. 

I don't agree with the first two. I like smart, curvy girls. I'm being honest here: I love being out on the town with my GF. I love being in clubs with my GF. But I have been inserted into sociaty with expectations. 

TBH, All the steriotypically beutiful girls look my way. But i look right on by to the BBW, who is almost trying to not be noticed by me, becuase she feels like i would be disgusted with her weight, when its the opposite.

To clarify, I never play the roll that sociaty dictates i should be. Considering im an athlete in college, I am supposed to like the skinny girls, but i dont. Im supposed to finagle a C+ average, but i get A's... 

and in short: Im never ashamed with who I like. I honestly just fear for her self confidence when the barbie-dolls show up. thats really it.

I hope i clarified my problem, and my personality.


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## Santaclear (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> While i hate the Open/Shut routine, its a reality that i have to deal with. My girl has met the family, and they accept it (obesity exists on both sides of the tree). my 'friends' do not. so, you are right. Either they deal or they're just not good people.



So that answers your question. You do whatever you and your gf feel like doing and let others do the dealing.



otomotopia said:


> and in short: Im never ashamed with who I like. I honestly just fear for her self confidence when the barbie-dolls show up. thats really it.



This sounds like you projecting. If it's not, there's still only so much you can do for another's self confidence other than being a friend and loving and supportive.


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## T_Devil (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> This is more of an FA question, really, but I dont want to be discrimitory.
> 
> While it doesn't "suck" being a FA (Actually, its quite fun ^^), Its still kinda alkward when your friends are bringing their size 4 girls to the club and you (for lack of better term) "can't" bring your girl, because you know you'll be recieved differently; you won't be "one of the guys".
> 
> Unfortunatly, where I live there are some major size acceptiance issues. Being an FA is a odd thing, at the very least. Being one who like a larger girl , I absolutely HATE this conundrum. So, to the title, what do you guys think on this issue?



If the boys don't like it, the boys can step the fuck on out the door. If they recieve me "differently", they will be met by a lot of hostility on my end and as my friends, they would know this. 

As far as the Barbies are concerned, they would be wise to just keep any shitty bitch comments to themselves or there's gonna be a whole lot of tragic drama.

But, this is not a problem for me as I don't surround myself with such insipid people. I reject their reality and substitute my own. By that, I mean I cut the worthless fucks out of my life..... and my life has been much better and much more fulfilling ever since.

Remember, you're not _In Love_ with your friends. They can be replaced. You think they can't... but you would be amazed at how fast you would drop those assholes if they decided to fuck with your girl.


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## olwen (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> While I can't really agree with the first point (Hehe, more like you're right, i just wont admit it...wait...:doh, I can most definatly agree with the second.
> 
> I am socially closeted with people who I know well. But if I take my girl out, its all out in the open.
> 
> *While i hate the Open/Shut routine, its a reality that i have to deal with. *My girl has met the family, and they accept it (obesity exists on both sides of the tree). my 'friends' do not. so, you are right. Either they deal or they're just not good people.



No, it isn't. It's only an issue if you make it one.


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## olwen (Aug 24, 2008)

T_Devil said:


> If the boys don't like it, the boys can step the fuck on out the door. If they recieve me "differently", they will be met by a lot of hostility on my end and as my friends, they would know this.
> 
> As far as the Barbies are concerned, they would be wise to just keep any shitty bitch comments to themselves or there's gonna be a whole lot of tragic drama.
> 
> ...



Amen Brother!


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## olwen (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> >.< that seems rather hostile, but i'll go with it, considering i can see where you are coming from.
> 
> I am COMPLETELY 110% open with or when im with my GF. I am never ashamed to be seen with her.
> 
> ...



Not for nothing, but all of this completely contradicts your first post. So either you're in or your out. Either you're an out FA or you are not an FA. Period. End of story.


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

Wow. this is getting heated.

But I can now confidently say that if my friends dont like my GF, then F**K them.

Thanks everyone for (Seems like pulling lol) Me out of the closet for good ^^


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## olwen (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> Wow. this is getting heated.
> 
> I can now confidently say that if my friends dont like my GF, then F**K them.
> 
> Thanks everyone for (Seems like pulling lol) Me out of the closet for good ^^



That is a very very good thing. I'm glad for that. You will find yourself happier for it.


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

T_Devil said:


> You think they can't... but you would be amazed at how fast you would drop those assholes if they decided to fuck with your girl.



Hehe, in more then one way *Displays NCAA Big 10 Judo trophey* ^^ I wasn't kidding about being athletic. hehe maybe if i gain some more confidence i could make some of you girls faint with some pictures (only if me and my GF broke up of course lol). the FA-(SS)BBW pic ratio seems a little lopsided


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## southernfa (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> >.But I have been inserted into sociaty with expectations.



That's life. The measure of a man is how he shapes up in the face of such challenges. And you can bet your bottom dollar that any girl worth keeping is far more concerned with that than your athletic prowess.


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

southernfa said:


> That's life. The measure of a man is how he shapes up in the face of such challenges. And you can bet your bottom dollar that any girl worth keeping is far more concerned with that than your athletic prowess.



Like the last word ^^.

I "Saw the light" with olwans posts, i have to say. Its, FLOBT, Do or Die. FA or non-FA.

I Chose FA All the way.


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## daddyoh70 (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> *Its still kinda alkward when your friends are bringing their size 4 girls to the club* and you (for lack of better term) *"can't" bring your girl, because you know you'll be recieved differently; you won't be "one of the guys".*





otomotopia said:


> >.< that seems rather hostile, but i'll go with it, considering i can see where you are coming from.
> 
> I am COMPLETELY 110% open with or when im with my GF. I am never ashamed to be seen with her.
> 
> ...



Sounds to me like the problem lies with you. In one breath you say you're not ashamed to be seen with her, in another you say you can't take her to the club because *you'll* be received differently. I'm gonna have to go with Fascinita on this one, either man up or stay away from fat women. Simple enough.


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## shazz2602 (Aug 24, 2008)

All i can say is if your friends cant accept what you like as its a part of who you are, are they your real friends??
maybe you should sit your so called mates down and say look guy this is somthing you should know but i like BIG WOMEN! and hey accept it! if they cant im sorry but then they also cant accept you for who you are! so dumb em and get some real friends!


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## JoeFA (Aug 24, 2008)

You should definitely take her there. So what if your friends don't what you like in women. Either don't spend time with them when with your grilfriend or just don't spend time with them, depends how pissed off you might feel that your friends are so closeminded. I know i'd feel pissed at them. But i guess it's your choice.


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## user 29874 (Aug 24, 2008)

It´s hard for you and hard for your girlfriend.

I dont think it´s about you being ashamed of her, I´ve been in your shoes and I know how harsh and mean people can be.

Sometimes I think "must be really hard for my date to deal with others stupidity" (because that´s what it is) but on the other hand I think "we should be around people respect us and care about us. If someone makes nasty comments about us, that person don´t deserve at all our friendship"

So think about it twice. Some people can´t fill the shoes of the word FRIEND.


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 24, 2008)

jabl said:


> It´s hard for you and hard for your girlfriend.
> 
> I dont think it´s about you being ashamed of her, I´ve been in your shoes and I know how harsh and mean people can be.
> 
> ...



And that's why so many men feel that its acceptable to treat fat women that way, because there are women out there willing to make excuses for them and to allow themselves to be treated as second class people. 

Hard for him? Tough shit, I mean really, he made the choice to date a fat woman right? So be a man and treat her the way she deserves to be treated.


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> and in short: Im never ashamed with who I like. I honestly just fear for her self confidence when the barbie-dolls show up. thats really it.
> 
> I hope i clarified my problem, and my personality.



Do you think she lacks self confidence? If so, what do you think would happen to her self confidence when all the so called "pretty" girls show up and your attention is focused soley on her?

You're not doing her or yourself any favors by hiding her from your friends, all you're doing is planting the seeds of hostility.


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## Haunted (Aug 24, 2008)

I don't agree with all the op has said but will say i see where he's at and i know it's tough to admit when you'v spent your whole life being told fat is bad or fat is ugly. This guy is young and he's slowly working things out and starting to admit his preference for bbw's I bet with in a year he actually does tell his friends about his preference and totally lets go of what he thinks society expects of him! Everything is a step these things happen in stages, I can see he is on the road to becoming a very open and empowered FA just give him a bit of time. I only wish i was able to admit my preference as young as this guy. Hell i didn't even now the term BBW or Fa till i was nearly 30. 

Good luck otomotopia Keep working on keeping that closet door open!







There is nothing better than wrapping your arms around a big beautiful fatty


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## Ruby Ripples (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> Hehe, in more then one way *Displays NCAA Big 10 Judo trophey* ^^ I wasn't kidding about being athletic. hehe maybe if i gain some more confidence i could make some of you girls faint with some pictures (only if me and my GF broke up of course lol). the FA-(SS)BBW pic ratio seems a little lopsided



Well we have lots of very athletic FAs, some professional, so don't worry too much about the pics.


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## Jon Blaze (Aug 24, 2008)

If you still think like that, then you aren't completely out of the closet yet.

There's no doubt that it's different, but it should not stop you from taking your partner out with you. You don't have to disregard what people think about you completely, but if you're saying that statement to yourself like you just did with this opening thread, then you aren't going to be well liked by your future partner. Societal pressure should be only a small piece to the puzzle if at all.

Just an FYI. FAs have rough times, but the ones that are thin don't have it as hard as their partners do. At least in this society.

(And I'm athletic too by the way. I ran five miles this morning. Before I joined the Air Force I was taking Kickboxing/Boxing, and MMA five days a week, and cross training on my off days. I'm 21. You really got to change your outlook.)


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## alison.victoria (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> >.< that seems rather hostile, but i'll go with it, considering i can see where you are coming from.
> 
> I am COMPLETELY 110% open with or when im with my GF. I am never ashamed to be seen with her.
> 
> ...


...Pardon my French, but this just made you sound more like an asshole. "I have been inserted into [society] with expectations," yet "you never play the roll that [society] dictates,"? Umm... Not taking her to the clubs because of your friends and "not wanting to hurt her self esteem" is playing EXACTLY into the role you have been "inserted" into. How is this post not COMPLETELY contradictory? As someone who dated a guy who was ashamed to be seen in public with me when he knew his friends were going to be around, but he was a "FA", all it did was piss me off because I knew what he was doing, but I had too little self esteem to say or do anything about it. If you can't treat your girlfriend like any other normal person instead of hiding her away when YOU might, God forbid, be EMBARRASSED by her, do her a favor and break up with her so she can find a REAL man.

How old are you???


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## T_Devil (Aug 24, 2008)

Haunted said:


> I don't agree with all the op has said but will say i see where he's at and i know it's tough to admit when you'v spent your whole life being told fat is bad or fat is ugly. This guy is young and he's slowly working things out and starting to admit his preference for bbw's I bet with in a year he actually does tell his friends about his preference and totally lets go of what he thinks society expects of him! Everything is a step these things happen in stages, I can see he is on the road to becoming a very open and empowered FA just give him a bit of time. I only wish i was able to admit my preference as young as this guy. Hell i didn't even now the term BBW or Fa till i was nearly 30.
> 
> Good luck otomotopia Keep working on keeping that closet door open!
> There is nothing better than wrapping your arms around a big beautiful fatty


I can see that too and I can see he's working on it. He's taking the necessary steps by reaching out, and this is all good and I wish him the best.

But he has to confront his fear of his friends rejection. We all know that if they aren't true friends, if they hold the value of shaming and humiating their friend and his woman higher than showing respect for them, then they gotta go and there can be no two ways about it. If they can't respect him, then the trust barrier has been damaged to the point of it being irreparable.

Even if his relationship doesn't make it (not putting a curse on you otomotopia), His preferance is still out there and is now known and is an exposed nerve. Some things you grow numb too, some things push you to the point of snapping. Being pushed as an outted FA is something that can snap a mans peaceful disposition like a strained twig. I'm not saying things would get violent, but I will say that a level of hatred would become evident and soon the friendship is poisoned anyway. The impurity in it is discovered and infects it like an imbedded sliver of rust in a finger.

I'm not gonna lie, the road to being a confident FA is not an easy one. There are lots of pits and traps laid out in front of you. You can fear these or test your resolve. I don't know how strong your bond is with your friends, but I do know that their part in your life is going to become of less importance to you. They may keep you company when you go out drinking and partying and watching games 'n shit, but eventually you have to go back to that place where they cannot go. That place you save for someone who is very special.

The girl your with now has that spot. If you are half as lucky as I am, she will want to continue to be in that spot. She becomes more important than anything you can imagine. You develop a sense that there isn't anything you wouldn't do to protect her from harm, to keep her safe from mortal danger, to make her happy and comfortable. The pits and traps on the road to being an FA, aren't as severe then. It's almost as if you welcome the challenge.

That's what happened to me and everything that I have done for my wife, all of it, made me into a better man. All you gotta do is stay loyal to what you believe and don't let anyone tell you what they think you should do. Not even me. I'm only telling you what I think and what I have experienced. I'm not making your decesion for you.

The first step in being a secure FA in ALL respects is choice. You choose to be down with your friends, or you choose to hold your woman most dear. Each choice has consequences. Don't fear them, embrace them, no matter how severe.

I wish you well otomotopia

PS
I'm not trying to pimp my blog on you, but I think it's one you should read. Pounding on the Closet Door  was written for closet cases, and the people they hurt, as well as for FA's that want to walk that mile.


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

alison.victoria said:


> ...Pardon my French, but this just made you sound more like an asshole. "I have been inserted into [society] with expectations," yet "you never play the roll that [society] dictates,"? Umm... Not taking her to the clubs because of your friends and "not wanting to hurt her self esteem" is playing EXACTLY into the role you have been "inserted" into.
> 
> How old are you???



19, and I believe Ive posted (and if not, at least decided) that i'm committed to taking my girl to places I wouldnt had a day ago (hehe, when i posted it). 

I agree with john Blaze. Being an FA can be tough (Though being a BBW must be a hell of a lot tougher ^^), doubley so for me because right now, I'm way too focused on the sociatal aspects of dating a BBW, rather then (hehe) all the fun we have together.

But I agree with the BBWs too. for your point of veiw it must make me look like an Ass (As someone has said ><). most of you have probably dealt with someone with my problem, and hated it. 

I honestly dont really like the hostility in some of your post (Can we keep that down please? I really wouldnt want 6 BBWs showing up at my house when my GF was there... may look like i was cheating lol). I can deal b/c I know ya'll think my girl is being treated poorly in this area of a realationship.

And I will say, you girls are right in that. And, For Future Referance, I made plans with my girl to take her to the club I used to go only with my friends. Aka she's coming to da club.


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## JMNYC (Aug 24, 2008)

My way of life is set up to produce a reaction from people---to make them think, to make them smile, to make them want to move their bodies, or occasionally to call my wife a cow in public and tell me I need psychiatric help.

Fat admirer.
Vegan.
Non-monogamist who has been monogamous 12 years.

That's just for starters.

You hang around people with small minds, you're going to get small, stupid opinions, cracks and comments. 

Yesterday I was at the beach with my wife, and a man and his family set up a blanket rather close to us despite the nearly-empty beach.

The first thing the man did was light a cigarette. How lovely it was to smell his cigarette along with the salt in the air!

Then he blew his nose and threw the tissue on the beach, where the tissue, naturally, blew to parts unknown. Then he opened some kind of fast-food package and threw the ripped-off part into the wind, to land wherever.

He was about 50.

He will not change. He is an utterly stupid, clueless person. He was that way when he was a kid, as a young adult, and now.

Avoid such people. Seek the intelligent, the sensitive, the artists, the seers.


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## alison.victoria (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> 19, and I believe Ive posted (and if not, at least decided) that i'm committed to taking my girl to places I wouldnt had a day ago (hehe, when i posted it).
> 
> I agree with john Blaze. Being an FA can be tough (Though being a BBW must be a hell of a lot tougher ^^), doubley so for me because right now, I'm way too focused on the sociatal aspects of dating a BBW, rather then (hehe) all the fun we have together.
> 
> ...



Yeah, but that was an awfully fast change of heart... So I dunno. I guess I just do not have a lot of faith in it. If you're serious, that's great, but I am a skeptic. As a 22 year old and basically in your age group, I am also ticked about it because this is the age when people should be getting out there and having fun and figuring out who they are, and what you're doing is basically telling her she's not good enough to go out with you and your friends and their girlfriends. That's really going to damage her self-esteem more than any comment from your friends would do. Think about it. If someone said they loved (or really liked, whatever) you and all that, wouldn't you be hurt pretty badly if they said "Hey, I'm going out with my friends and their girlfriends, but you aren't invited because you're fat,"? Because in effect, that's what you're saying to her.

And yes I'm hostile, because no one deserves to be treated like that by anyone. I know that it's tough to be a FA, but there is no reason you should hurt anyone in the process.

Are you taking her alone to the club, or are you going with your group of friends? Because taking her there without a group kind of defeats the purpose...


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

alison.victoria said:


> Yeah, but that was an awfully fast change of heart... So I dunno. I guess I just do not have a lot of faith in it. If you're serious, that's great, but I am a skeptic. As a 22 year old and basically in your age group, I am also ticked about it because this is the age when people should be getting out there and having fun and figuring out who they are, and what you're doing is basically telling her she's not good enough to go out with you and your friends and their girlfriends. That's really going to damage her self-esteem more than any comment from your friends would do. Think about it. If someone said they loved (or really liked, whatever) you and all that, wouldn't you be hurt pretty badly if they said "Hey, I'm going out with my friends and their girlfriends, but you aren't invited because you're fat,"? Because in effect, that's what you're saying to her.
> 
> And yes I'm hostile, because no one deserves to be treated like that by anyone. I know that it's tough to be a FA, but there is no reason you should hurt anyone in the process.
> 
> Are you taking her alone to the club, or are you going with your group of friends? Because taking her there without a group kind of defeats the purpose...



To the last question: Yes I am ^^.

I really have to agree on this. I did seem like a flipflop, but i dont think anyone really got what the last sentance was about- Its not that my opinion changed, its that the second post was worded (A whole of a lot) better, and showed my opinion at the time. 

I was more on the fence, but its honestly a big step in my life, to fully integrate FAism into my life, rather then just haveing a GF who I didn't fully accept. Now, that doesnt mean i havent accepted my FAism, it ment that i wasnt really ready to "show" (for lack of better term) my GF to my friends.

To be short, I Really just wanted to be sure before i found myself some new friends ^^.


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## Chimpi (Aug 24, 2008)

Taking her to the club - and anywhere/everywhere else - is a very good idea. Go out and have fun with your girlfriend. While you are at it, please remember to be _the same person_ to her and around her that you are when you are with her alone. Just because you're [supposedly] going to take her out to the club does not mean your heart, your nerves and your soul is in the same place. If you treat her differently while you two are out with friends, she will notice and she will take notes. Better yet, don't act like yourself to keep your girlfriend, act like yourself because you are yourself, you only live once, you should live it the way _you_ want to live (not the way your friends, your parents, society, etc... wants you to live).

Have faith in who you are and enjoy your company - your friends and your girlfriend. If things get heated or start to turn out negatively, then as Santaclear said, remain loving and supporting to those that truly deserve it.


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## Fascinita (Aug 24, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> Do you think she lacks self confidence? If so, what do you think would happen to her self confidence when all the so called "pretty" girls show up and your attention is focused soley on her?
> 
> You're not doing her or yourself any favors by hiding her from your friends, all you're doing is planting the seeds of hostility.



And he's not doing her any favors by comparing her unfavorably to all the "pretty" "skinny" girls. Let's face it, HE's the one who's saying--right here in this thread--that these girls are "conventionally pretty," presumably by comparison to the poor girl he's dating. Why doesn't he say that _she's_ the gorgeous one? I see a whole lot of prevarication in his post. _He's_ the one who's weighing the whole situation and deciding that his "gf" can't stack up to the girlfriends of his friends. AND he's blaming it on "society," to boot. 

Oh, and let's not forget that he talks as if he's doing his "gf" a favor by condescending to date her, what with his Big-10-grade body and all. 

Suffer no fools, fat women of the world. That's my advice. Suffer no fools, young or old.


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## Fascinita (Aug 24, 2008)

Haunted said:


> This guy is young and he's slowly working things out and starting to admit his preference for bbw's I bet with in a year he actually does tell his friends about his preference and totally lets go of what he thinks society expects of him!



If it's going to take him a year, then he needs to tell the woman he's dating that it's going to take him a year before he can go out in public with her.

A year is too long for a young, pretty girl to waste waiting for a schmuck to decide to be a man.

You do think that's only fair, don't you?


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## Haunted (Aug 24, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> And he's not doing her any favors by comparing her unfavorably to all the "pretty" "skinny" girls. Let's face it, HE's the one who's saying--right here in this thread--that these girls are "conventionally pretty," presumably by comparison to the poor girl he's dating. Why doesn't he say that _she's_ the gorgeous one? I see a whole lot of prevarication in his post. _He's_ the one who's weighing the whole situation and deciding that his "gf" can't stack up to the girlfriends of his friends. AND he's blaming it on "society," to boot.
> 
> Oh, and let's not forget that he talks as if he's doing his "gf" a favor by condescending to date her, what with his Big-10-grade body and all.
> 
> Suffer no fools, fat women of the world. That's my advice. Suffer no fools, young or old.



This is exactly where he lost me with his post's I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but it does feel like thinks he's doing this woman a favor by being seen in public with her I don't know. it sounds like he wants to be praised for dating a fatty. when in fact a true fa wants nothing more than to share every moment of every day with his goddess. He's flip floppin like a fan at a Jimmy Buffet Concert


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## mossystate (Aug 24, 2008)

Takes more than a pretty picture to woo the more....discerning...fat woman. You mention your looks...your trophy...maybe those ' dumb, skinny, women with big boobs ' are not the only ones who seem to be clueless. If you had not mentioned all these things, I would have wished you well, as you are very young, and making the right choices in life can be difficult. I wish these kinds of stories were seen in the correct light, depending on the particulars. One size does not fit all.


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

STATUS UPDATE: I talked to her about the problem ive been having. I told her how I was vurnerable to what people would think about me dating a woman of her size. I told her that I personally don't care what they think anymore. That I had thought that she would feel inferior to my friends girls, and feared for her self confidence. Then came the responce.

She said that she was having the same problem! Her friends didnt think that I was for real, because i was "not the type of guy to like a girl like me". She then said, much to my pleasure, that she was happy that I told her about this, and that she had recognized my alkwardness about bringing her out with my friends. While she hadn't liked it, she grinned and bore(?) it. but now that I had talked to her about it, she was happy that I had come clean with her. After that, we hugged, I got a quick peck on the cheeck, and we went to our classes.

I can say that I think my coming clean about that has streangthend our relationship, no matter how cliche that sounds lol. Thanks everyone, and I have to say that I'm sorry for seeming like an Ass, which sure as hell was not my intention ><.


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> If it's going to take him a year, then he needs to tell the woman he's dating that it's going to take him a year before he can go out in public with her.
> 
> A year is too long for a young, pretty girl to waste waiting for a schmuck to decide to be a man.
> 
> You do think that's only fair, don't you?



read the above post plz ^^


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> She said that she was having the same problem! Her friends didnt think that I was for real, because i was "not the type of guy to like a girl like me". .



What the fuck kind of friends does this girl have? That's all I wanna know! :doh:


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## alison.victoria (Aug 24, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> What the fuck kind of friends does this girl have? That's all I wanna know! :doh:



In her defense, though, I understand this. A lot of fat girls are/were made fun of by the jocks in high school and college, and as someone who was teased by them (but rarely anyone else, WTF?) and have had them "ask me out" as a joke to laugh about with their friends later. As a fat girl, I gravitated towards the other fat girls as friends, who also experienced generally the same things. She could be doing the same thing. All of us were EXTREMELY wary when the typical "hot guy" jock was nice to us, much less asked us out or wanted to talk or something.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> >.< that seems rather hostile, but i'll go with it, considering i can see where you are coming from.
> 
> I am COMPLETELY 110% open with or when im with my GF. I am never ashamed to be seen with her.
> 
> ...



Wow....what a rock and a hard place, eh? You sound like some kind of star at your school and having to "step down" for your real preference is a real bitch. So sorry to hear of your problems.........

Yes you're young so I will cut you a break........but one question first:

You said you are 19. Drinking age is 21 in the USA. Your avatar says you are from CT. Is the drinking age lower in CT? 
So what clubs are you going to ? and you make it sound like you go quite regularly......



JMNYC said:


> You hang around people with small minds, you're going to get small, stupid opinions, cracks and comments.
> 
> Yesterday I was at the beach with my wife, and a man and his family set up a blanket rather close to us despite the nearly-empty beach.
> 
> ...



Word..........excellent point. What's that saying about birds of a feather....?



Fascinita said:


> And he's not doing her any favors by comparing her unfavorably to all the "pretty" "skinny" girls. Let's face it, HE's the one who's saying--right here in this thread--that these girls are "conventionally pretty," presumably by comparison to the poor girl he's dating. Why doesn't he say that _she's_ the gorgeous one? I see a whole lot of prevarication in his post. _He's_ the one who's weighing the whole situation and deciding that his "gf" can't stack up to the girlfriends of his friends. AND he's blaming it on "society," to boot.
> 
> Oh, and let's not forget that he talks as if he's doing his "gf" a favor by condescending to date her, what with his Big-10-grade body and all.
> 
> Suffer no fools, fat women of the world. That's my advice. Suffer no fools, young or old.



I suffer plenty of fools for many things.............odd how they all never minded to go out in public with me though  



Fascinita said:


> A year is too long for a young, pretty girl to waste waiting for a schmuck to decide to be a man.



Bingo...her life, time and happiness are all as important as his....... that's what some people don't get. 
If he treats the object of his desire like a second class citizen then that is what he makes himself.


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 24, 2008)

alison.victoria said:


> In her defense, though, I understand this. A lot of fat girls are/were made fun of by the jocks in high school and college, and as someone who was teased by them (but rarely anyone else, WTF?) and have had them "ask me out" as a joke to laugh about with their friends later. As a fat girl, I gravitated towards the other fat girls as friends, who also experienced generally the same things. She could be doing the same thing. All of us were EXTREMELY wary when the typical "hot guy" jock was nice to us, much less asked us out or wanted to talk or something.




Yeahhhh....

Still no.
Its one thing to be skeptical of a boyfriend of one of your girlfriends but I can't see ever, EVER, saying to a friend, "how could a guy like him want a girl like you?". Not ever in a million years. That's questioning her worth and if they are her friends they wouldn't do that. 

I dont know, situations like these, when young people seem to think this kind of thinking is ok makes me feel like an old old woman. Its not ok, no matter how you slice it.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 24, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> Yeahhhh....
> 
> Still no.
> Its one thing to be skeptical of a boyfriend of one of your girlfriends but I can't see ever, EVER, saying to a friend, "how could a guy like him want a girl like you?". Not ever in a million years. That's questioning her worth and if they are her friends they wouldn't do that.
> ...




Lol, all this works under the assumption that this was a REAL conversation with his GF.......


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 24, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol, all this works under the assumption that this was a REAL conversation with his GF.......




ahh too true!


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Wow....what a rock and a hard place, eh? You sound like some kind of star at your school and having to "step down" for your real preference is a real bitch. So sorry to hear of your problems.........
> 
> Yes you're young so I will cut you a break........but one question first:
> 
> ...



No, in CT we have clubs that dont serve alcohol, so we get to dance, but no one gets drunk ^^.

And to answer the last part: I treat, and think of my girl much better then you girls think. She is not a "Second Class Citizen" in my book, she the eff'n president lol. I would do anything for her. 

When i talked to her about the issue (BTW I did ) i made sure to tell her that I thought that she would be hurt with all those steryotypically beautiful women. And. like i said, she responded positively to my concern, and our relationship is streangthened. Oh, this reminds me ^^ I gotsta get ready!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 24, 2008)

Have fun out with your Lady, Otomo


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## crosseyedhamster (Aug 24, 2008)

mixed feelings on the issue.

One part of me wants to say "quit being a pussy and tell them to deal with"

The other part of me completely understands your situation because it really does suck to be gettng that kind of intolerance from people that are supposed to be close to you (and I'll be the first to admit that the first line is directed at myself as well).

One way to deal with this might be to bring her and if anyone says anything about it, you just look them in the eye and say "do you have a problem? If so, let's hear it!" If they try to bring it up as a way of taking a swing at you you can just be open about it and act like there's nothing wrong with it (which there isn't, but we're talking about how _they_ percieve things).

just my humble opinion.


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## Ruby Ripples (Aug 24, 2008)

just one wee question... why did you tell her that you thought she would feel "inferior" to your friends' girlfriends? Your girlfriend might feel she is the bees knees and way superior to any of them. You then in your last post again spoke about conventionally good looking girls versus your girlfriend. You need to start realising that not all us poor inferior fatties, actually ARE!!!!!!

I realise you're young, but please listen.... saying stuff to your gf like you thought she'd feel inferior to some skinny girls. etc, is NOT good. Even when youre saying it with the best of intentions, its still planting a seed in her mind that all your friends and their girlfriends would have that opinion. You are voicing your own insecurities. 

Here's an idea.... try forgetting she's fat. Just tell her how great she looks, how talented she is, how good a person she is.. etc etc ya know... the kind of compliments people pay to "conventionally" good looking girls. i think you'll like the response.


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## JoeFA (Aug 24, 2008)

I would hope you all think you are, cause i rate you way higher than any skinny girls i know of :wubu:


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## Happenstance (Aug 24, 2008)

Certain people are being awfully harsh on Tomo here. I can see where he's said some less than agreeable things here, but accusing him of lying? You have nothing to go on but words in a place like this, so if you're going to tear at someone for saying the wrong thing, you can't accuse him of lying if he says something right.

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate for a moment and ask the question, why the obsession with confidence? Why is it necessary for the women here to display confidence in order to be found attractive? Why must a man be confident about his attraction for larger women? Not everyone is like that! Some people are just not comfortable in groups, far less discussing sexuality with them. Should those people be denied the right to a private happiness with a lover? Surely there are reasons other than shame for avoiding a social situation with a significant other.


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## alison.victoria (Aug 24, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> Yeahhhh....
> 
> Still no.
> Its one thing to be skeptical of a boyfriend of one of your girlfriends but I can't see ever, EVER, saying to a friend, "how could a guy like him want a girl like you?". Not ever in a million years. That's questioning her worth and if they are her friends they wouldn't do that.
> ...



It very well could be an age thing... Not that you're old, but it could be due to maturity as well. And it might not be "right" to say that to a friend, but it happens. Maybe it's just the relationships that I have with my friends, but we are VERY open about stuff like that, because we've all seen each other get hurt. We might not say it snidely, but we do ask the question. Hell, we ask it for ANY guy, but there is more skepticism on everyone's party if the stereotypical "hot guy", who around here usually only dates the skinny girls and only gets with fat or homely girls when he needs ass, for those reasons. We look at it as checks and balances...


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## Fascinita (Aug 24, 2008)

Happenstance said:


> Surely there are reasons other than shame for avoiding a social situation with a significant other.



Dude, he _said_ he was ashamed.

If you're going to play DA, why not take a moment to read the OP?

Also, where are you coming from with the talk of "sexuality"? We're talking "going out to a club and I don't want to bring my gf because my friends might laugh." We're not talking "I want to be able to discuss the finer points of my attraction for fat people with my best pals, but they're uncomfortable."

Please, a little less nonsense.


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## olwen (Aug 24, 2008)

Happenstance said:


> Certain people are being awfully harsh on Tomo here. I can see where he's said some less than agreeable things here, but accusing him of lying? You have nothing to go on but words in a place like this, so if you're going to tear at someone for saying the wrong thing, you can't accuse him of lying if he says something right.
> 
> I'm going to play Devil's Advocate for a moment and ask the question, why the obsession with confidence? Why is it necessary for the women here to display confidence in order to be found attractive? Why must a man be confident about his attraction for larger women? Not everyone is like that! Some people are just not comfortable in groups, far less discussing sexuality with them. Should those people be denied the right to a private happiness with a lover? Surely there are reasons other than shame for avoiding a social situation with a significant other.



Hap, it's not about an obsession with confidence as you say. The problem is that many so called FAs will assume that fat girls are not confident no matter how we act or dress and if we do seem outgoing they may be thinking we are attention whores who will sleep with whoever gives us attention. It's like we're damned if we do or damned if we don't. There's too many underlying assumptions about female sexuality and fatness going on here to reduce it to one issue alone. I can't speak for all fat women, but I'm willing to bet that a good majority of us have come across the type of guy who only wants to use us for sex at least once in our lives. This is not to say that this doesn't happen to skinny girls too, but the odds of this happening to fat girls is just too high. So to come across a man who is sincere and sincerely an FA who doesn't want to play games and be true to himself and not be afraid to go out in public with a fat woman is truly amazing and unfortunately doesn't happen as often as it should. 

So this issue of confidence gets used like an ace in a poker game almost....If I show him my cards and has to up the ante, hopefully he's not bluffing, and I still end up winning. The prize you see is a stand up kinda guy. 

And it could just be me, but when I read the words private happiness, I just thought - exhibitionism anyone? LOL, but seriously. It's not about going out in groups so much as it is going out period. And if I were thin and my man didn't want me to be around his friends I would be suspicious, so in that regard, this issue is not just particular to size.


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## Happenstance (Aug 24, 2008)

To be more clear, the second half of that post was not directed at this specific case, but at the overwhelming backlash of advice hurled at him. I'm not excusing anything he said. And so you think that viewing it as an issue of sexuality is nonsense, but you're not in the minds of those too paranoid to confront their acquaintances.


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## Fascinita (Aug 24, 2008)

Happenstance said:


> but you're not in the minds of those too paranoid to confront their acquaintances.



Bully for you if that's how you choose to spend your time.

I have enough with being in my own mind.


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## Happenstance (Aug 24, 2008)

olwen said:


> Hap, it's not about an obsession with confidence as you say. The problem is that many so called FAs will assume that fat girls are not confident no matter how we act or dress and if we do seem outgoing they may be thinking we are attention whores who will sleep with whoever gives us attention. It's like we're damned if we do or damned if we don't. There's too many underlying assumptions about female sexuality and fatness going on here to reduce it to one issue alone. I can't speak for all fat women, but I'm willing to bet that a good majority of us have come across the type of guy who only wants to use us for sex at least once in our lives. This is not to say that this doesn't happen to skinny girls too, but the odds of this happening to fat girls is just too high. So to come across a man who is sincere and sincerely an FA who doesn't want to play games and be true to himself and not be afraid to go out in public with a fat woman is truly amazing and unfortunately doesn't happen as often as it should.
> 
> So this issue of confidence gets used like an ace in a poker game almost....If I show him my cards and has to up the ante, hopefully he's not bluffing, and I still end up winning. The prize you see is a stand up kinda guy.
> 
> And it could just be me, but when I read the words private happiness, I just thought - exhibitionism anyone? LOL, but seriously. It's not about going out in groups so much as it is going out period. And if I were thin and my man didn't want me to be around his friends I would be suspicious, so in that regard, this issue is not just particular to size.



Thanks, Olwen.

I'm straying a bit from the topic, I realize, but I was talking with a friend of mine who seeks out one-night stands regularly, and asked him how he does it. 'It's weird,' he said, 'but if you just believe you're going to do what you're about to do, it happens.' Confidence gets laid, and by association, gets relationships if it so desires. And a bit disproportionately so, if you ask me. I bring this up because if you take some of the comments on this situation with Otomotopia and remove the context, it sounds like people who lack confidence don't deserve relationships.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 24, 2008)

Happenstance said:


> Certain people are being awfully harsh on Tomo here. I can see where he's said some less than agreeable things here, but accusing him of lying? You have nothing to go on but words in a place like this, so if you're going to tear at someone for saying the wrong thing, you can't accuse him of lying if he says something right.



Who accused anyone of lying? Asking him to explain the age discrepancy is quite reasonable....and to wonder if the words of a new poster don't ring true also seems plausible. 



Happenstance said:


> I'm going to play Devil's Advocate for a moment and ask the question, why the obsession with confidence? Why is it necessary for the women here to display confidence in order to be found attractive? Why must a man be confident about his attraction for larger women? Not everyone is like that! Some people are just not comfortable in groups, far less discussing sexuality with them. Should those people be denied the right to a private happiness with a lover? Surely there are reasons other than shame for avoiding a social situation with a significant other.



Haven't I seen you down on the BHM board? Are you fat? If you are, would you mind dating a girl that doesn't want her friends to see or know you? 
Would you like her telling you that she doesn't take you out with her friends because she thinks you MUST have self esteem issues....because really...you aren't just as attractive as the other guys there...:doh:
If you don't mind that type of treatment, then that's your prerogative. Just like it's the prerogative of others to expect better from the person that fucks and spends time with them ........


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## superodalisque (Aug 24, 2008)

you'll seriously regret it and feel like you've wasted your youth if you aren't true to yourself. your real friends will support you in what you want to do. maybe this is a great test to see who is actually your real friend. and why should you give up anything you really want for people who aren't truly your friends anyway? it would be such a waste!


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## T_Devil (Aug 24, 2008)

It would be interesting if SHE were to weigh in on this conversation. We only have one side of it, and there is a lot of doubt circulating. I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean she's still with him, so there's more going on here than we are seeing wether we want to admit it or not.

There is one line I keep coming back to though:


otomotopia said:


> To the last question: Yes I am ^^.
> 
> I really have to agree on this. I did seem like a flipflop, but i dont think anyone really got what the last sentance was about- Its not that my opinion changed, its that the second post was worded (A whole of a lot) better, and showed my opinion at the time.
> 
> ...



New friends? Dude, your girl is the only friend you need. Anyone who tells you differently is a fucking liar. Your friends and their bitches don't want to accept your girlfriend, fine, fuck 'em. Don't worry about them hurting her feelings. If it happens, it happens, you cannot control your friends. You give her all of your attention. You give her all of your consideration. You give her everything because if your friends cannot respect you by respecting the company YOU choose to keep then they aren't your friends.

You just remember that when everything turns to shit, when it all explodes and and the dust settles, it's gonna come down to them or her. You have a choice to make.

If you can't have both. You either choose your _homies-4-lyfe_, or the girl you claim to love with all of your heart. Which one do you pick? I can't tell you, this is your crossroads, but I will say this...

*Bro's before Hoe's? Sounds like some gay shit to me.
- A Pimp Named Slickback*


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

I think you hit the nail on the head.

My Bro's pretty much ditched me at the club. My GF Danced like she was in heat. We went back to the Dorm. What happend there shall remain unnamed. It was fun ^^. Plus i had the best "private" experiance of my life.

I think you're right. No, I KNOW You're right.

Chicks before Dicks.


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## Chimpi (Aug 24, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> I think you hit the nail on the head.
> 
> *My Bro's pretty much ditched me at the club.* My GF Danced like she was in heat. We went back to the Dorm. What happend there shall remain unnamed. It was fun ^^. Plus i had the best "private" experiance of my life.
> 
> ...



That's messed up. Glad you had a splendid time with your girlfriend, though! 

Just a heads up, there's a huge event going on on Labor Day. You might want to check it out if you've got the funds, time and desire:
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43929
You'll most likely meet _plenty_ of people if you go, and they won't ditch you - especially because your girlfriend happens to be fat.


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## otomotopia (Aug 24, 2008)

Grrrr... SOOO Wish i could. In 2 years, out of school... then Im gonna go. If this partay will happen in 2 years (Again)


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## Victim (Aug 25, 2008)

This reminds me of a classic FA moment where my best friend, another hacker type, found out my preference. I was piecing together BBW pics from USENET newsgroup postings, which at the time was the best source (late 80's). I was getting really annoyed because one poster had files that were f'ing HUGE. When I finally got all the pieces together, the women in the pics were not really fat at all. 

That is when he said "The only thing fat about those pics are the file sizes."


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## abel (Dec 21, 2008)

My problem is the exact opposite. Why o why is life so unfair? 

I never seemed to meet fat girls. I've been married for a long time now so the issue itself is sewn up.

As for not going to parties, etc., oh c'mon dude, don't be embarrassed!


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## goodthings (Dec 21, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> Hehe, in more then one way *Displays NCAA Big 10 Judo trophey* ^^ I wasn't kidding about being athletic. hehe maybe if i gain some more confidence i could make some of you girls faint with some pictures (only if me and my GF broke up of course lol). the FA-(SS)BBW pic ratio seems a little lopsided




Indeed it is. Put one up.


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## jewels_mystery (Dec 22, 2008)

alison.victoria said:


> In her defense, though, I understand this. A lot of fat girls are/were made fun of by the jocks in high school and college, and as someone who was teased by them (but rarely anyone else, WTF?) and have had them "ask me out" as a joke to laugh about with their friends later. As a fat girl, I gravitated towards the other fat girls as friends, who also experienced generally the same things. She could be doing the same thing. All of us were EXTREMELY wary when the typical "hot guy" jock was nice to us, much less asked us out or wanted to talk or something.



I can relate and agree to this. Sad to see some guys are still doing this in school.


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## AVAcado (Dec 22, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> This is more of an FA question, really, but I dont want to be discrimitory.
> 
> While it doesn't "suck" being a FA (Actually, its quite fun ^^), Its still kinda alkward when your friends are bringing their size 4 girls to the club and you (for lack of better term) "can't" bring your girl, because you know you'll be recieved differently; you won't be "one of the guys".
> 
> Unfortunatly, where I live there are some major size acceptiance issues. Being an FA is a odd thing, at the very least. Being one who like a larger girl , I absolutely HATE this conundrum. So, to the title, what do you guys think on this issue?



Okay, I must add my 2cents, rapidly worth even less in this economy. My apologies for repeating anything already said. I did not read every response.

First off, thanks for the post. It's always interesting when people are stimulated by another's words. I'm going to revise yours. Please let me know what you think. 

While it doesn't "suck" being a Asian Admirer (Actually, its quite fun ^^), Its still kinda alkward when your friends are bringing their white girls to the club and you (for lack of better term) "can't" bring your girl, because you know you'll be recieved differently; you won't be "one of the guys".

Unfortunatly, where I live there are some major Asian acceptiance issues. Being an Asian Admirer is a odd thing, at the very least. Being one who like an Asian girl , I absolutely HATE this conundrum. So, to the title, what do you guys think on this issue?

Please try this by substituting any other term. See how it sits. What would you say to a friend of yours who came to you with this concern?
Seriously, no negative tone here. I hate that we've yet to develop a sufficient means of conveying tone in email. I'm truly trying to help you out here. 

And this:
Being an FA can be tough (Though being a BBW must be a hell of a lot tougher ^^), doubley so for me because right now, I'm way too focused on the sociatal aspects of dating a BBW, rather then (hehe) all the fun we have together.

Why do you assume being a BBW is tough? In what ways, in particular, do you imagine it being tough? Do you picture it being tough for all BBWs across the board in exactly the same ways and in the same degrees?
Im seriously curious? Again, not upset; just perplexed and hoping I can stimulate your own introspection on this. You raised the initial post. 

And on this:
But I have been inserted into sociaty with expectations.

Yes, you, and all of us, have. But as you mature, and even when youre young, you can decide which, if any, of those expectations fit your own world view, your own desires, wants, goals, beliefs, values, etc If you chose to let your friends influence how you feel being out on the town with your girlfriend while in their company, that is about you and you alone. If you chose to remain friends with people who are judging your girlfriend for her size, that is also about you. Simply, perhaps, as has been said, you need new friends. But I also wonder, have your friends actually said or done something to make you believe they are judging your GF, or are you just assuming they are? And re. this:  "I honestly just fear for her self confidence when the barbie-dolls show up. thats really it. Has your girlfriend actually in any way expressed her concerns about the "barbie-dolls" showing up? If so, I can appreciate your concern. If not, you are projecting a-lotta something somewhere. 

Okay, dude, I have to say, this comment of yours is laced with assumptions and honestly, a bit of cockiness. TBH, All the steriotypically beutiful girls look my way. But i look right on by to the BBW, who is almost trying to not be noticed by me, becuase she feels like i would be disgusted with her weight, when its the opposite...."
WOW. (Okay, note there is tone in my writing here.) WOW. Have you considered the possibility that maybe the BBW (hypothetical or real) is not concerned with you in the least? Or maybe she is concerned with you. Maybe she's thinking, 'Dang, that homely guy over there thinks he's hot shit and he keeps checking me out. He's sooo not my type." Or maybe she's thinking, "Wow. That jock-looking guy over there sure has a hotty girlfriend. Too bad she's straight. I'd love to kiss on _her_ all night." Or perhaps she's thinking, "Mmm, that guy over there is pretty good looking. Too bad he doesn't have more meat on him. I like fleshier guys, but his face is cute." Or maybe she's thinking, "Yep. MmmmHmm. I am fine. That guy is checking me out. I don't want to give him the wrong impression by looking back his way. He's probably nice enough, but just not my type. Now where's my cell phone. I am so horny for David. Yumm. Gotta get out of this boring club."
And too, you assume all the "steriotypically beutiful girls" are looking your way? You really must be scorching. Please, do show. If you are all that I'll eat my purple bra and my undies too.

Finally, this sentence is key in your posting: "...To clarify, I never play the roll that sociaty dictates i should be. Considering im an athlete in college, I am supposed to like the skinny girls, but i dont. Im supposed to finagle a C+ average, but i get A's... 
and in short: Im never ashamed with who I like. I honestly just fear for her self confidence when the barbie-dolls show up. thats really it.


It sounds to me that you are playing a role of not playing a role. In essence, as is in every way human and common, you want to distinguish yourself from the pack. You want people to know that you are different in some way. And a lot of how you are establishing yourself as being different is by dating a BBW. Do you really truly have a preference for fat women, or is what is at the core of your preference the way in which being with a fatty differentiates you from your peers? If you truly have a preference for bigger women, than just be with a bigger woman. And then, stop thinking of her as big and just think of her as your girlfriend. It seems like a lot of how you are defining yourself is around the size of your girlfriend. 

Again, key in this statement are some answers to who you are. "I never play the roll that sociaty dictates i should be" By it being so important to you to not play the roll society has allegedly dictated for you, you are in fact letting society dictate your roll. If you genuinely just prefer eating beef and all your friends are vegetarians, don't let yourself be impacted by their choices. Don't assume they are judging you for yours unless they've outright indicated so. If they are, ditch them. Eat your beef and enjoy it. And if you eat beef so you can say how different you are from all the vegetarian folk in your town, cut it out. In terms of your girl friend, let her date a genuine FA who will love her for who she is, both fat and all she is beyond being fat--not just someone such as yourself who is intent on not playing a role. Don't use your girlfriend to distinguish yourself, if in fact you in any way are so doing. 
And don't assume you are doing her a favor by dating her either. She may be doing you the favor. Hopefully you both see the genuine value in each other, for who you are beyond your exteriors. 

I know I may seem as though I am making assumptions about you. It is not my intention. I hope, more so, to ask you questions that might be useful for you to ask of yourself.
In the mean time, be proud to be out and about with your woman. Hopefully she feels the same being out and about with you.
Screw your so-called friends, and then do the same with your lover.

Best to you both...
A.


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## BigBeautifulRed (Dec 22, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> This is more of an FA question, really, but I dont want to be discrimitory.
> 
> While it doesn't "suck" being a FA (Actually, its quite fun ^^), Its still kinda alkward when your friends are bringing their size 4 girls to the club and you (for lack of better term) "can't" bring your girl, because you know you'll be recieved differently; you won't be "one of the guys".
> 
> Unfortunatly, where I live there are some major size acceptiance issues. Being an FA is a odd thing, at the very least. Being one who like a larger girl , I absolutely HATE this conundrum. So, to the title, what do you guys think on this issue?




I'm sorry but I am just taking this as you being embarassed by your girlfriend. If she wants to go you should want to show her off anyways and be proud of her. If you really loved her than you wouldn't care what any of you're "Friends" though of her body and be all over her at that nightclub. Consider that you aren't like your friends and that for you to be just like them you would have to abandon your love of big girls because you are you're own and you are different. Try being yourself for once.


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## ChubbyBubbles (Dec 22, 2008)

Tina said:


> If that's what it takes to be one of the guys, you need a different group of friends.



I agree with Tina. Why would you even want to be friends with people who can't accept you (or your girl) for what you stand for? Makes no sense to me! :doh: Maybe you should consider yourself a "closet" FA??


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## Happenstance (Dec 22, 2008)

BigBeautifulRed said:


> If you really loved her than you wouldn't care what any of you're "Friends" though of her body and be all over her at that nightclub.



For the record, it's no crime to be just not that into public displays of affection.

I have mixed feelings about thread necromancy.


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## olwen (Dec 22, 2008)

Happenstance said:


> For the record, it's no crime to be just not that into public displays of affection.
> 
> I have mixed feelings about thread necromancy.



No it's not a crime, but you understand that the lack of that for a fat person is often telling, especially if it hasn't been discussed before hand. It's just too easy for a guy to tell a fat girl, he doesn't like PDA just on principle as a cover for closeted behavior. Holding hands at the very least shouldn't be that big a deal, but for the closeted FA it is.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Dec 22, 2008)

T_Devil said:


> If the boys don't like it, the boys can step the fuck on out the door. If they recieve me "differently", they will be met by a lot of hostility on my end and as my friends, they would know this.
> 
> As far as the Barbies are concerned, they would be wise to just keep any shitty bitch comments to themselves or there's gonna be a whole lot of tragic drama.
> 
> ...



Awesome!

Yep, he needs to drop the "friends".


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## vcrgrrl (Dec 23, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> This is more of an FA question, really, but I dont want to be discrimitory.
> 
> While it doesn't "suck" being a FA (Actually, its quite fun ^^), Its still kinda alkward when your friends are bringing their size 4 girls to the club and you (for lack of better term) "can't" bring your girl, because you know you'll be recieved differently; you won't be "one of the guys".
> 
> Unfortunatly, where I live there are some major size acceptiance issues. Being an FA is a odd thing, at the very least. Being one who like a larger girl , I absolutely HATE this conundrum. So, to the title, what do you guys think on this issue?



I would think if they were true friends, they wouldn't try to tell you who you date or make your date feel uncomfortable.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Dec 23, 2008)

otomotopia said:


> I think you hit the nail on the head.
> 
> My Bro's pretty much ditched me at the club. My GF Danced like she was in heat. We went back to the Dorm. What happend there shall remain unnamed. It was fun ^^. Plus i had the best "private" experiance of my life.
> 
> ...




I think there's a larger moral here.

Demeaning and simplistic rhymes are a poor way to govern your interpersonal ethics.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Dec 23, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> What the fuck kind of friends does this girl have? That's all I wanna know! :doh:



I think in this day and age, the term "friend" has come to be interchangeable with "hated enemy". -_-


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## T_Devil (Dec 23, 2008)

olwen said:


> No it's not a crime, but you understand that the lack of that for a fat person is often telling, especially if it hasn't been discussed before hand. It's just too easy for a guy to tell a fat girl, he doesn't like PDA just on principle as a cover for closeted behavior. Holding hands at the very least shouldn't be that big a deal, but for the closeted FA it is.



That's right. Holding hands is about the most benign form of Public Display's of Affection. It's not like you're trying to taste each others mouths for crying out loud. If a guy can't hold a fat girl's hand out in public, then that comes off as a red flag.

And if you are that not into PDA's, Build a bridge to get over yourself. It's not all about you. Wouldn't it be nice if it were? Here in the real world though, We're lucky we get our way even half the time, so deal with it. 

Holding hands, oh no! What _shall_ we tell the elders???


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## Your Plump Princess (Dec 23, 2008)

FA or no FA, Any Guy who Loves His Girl. May She be Big, Small, Cute, Ugly, Ect.

Would Either: Bring her, if she wanted to come with. Or Say a big "FUCK YOU" To The Boys and hangout with her instead.



Though I can understand how the peer pressure can get to a guy.
I mean, one doesn't want to be left with just a girl. Most Men need his 'guys' because they share things in common. Possibly More things than one shares with his girl.


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## Your Plump Princess (Dec 23, 2008)

Then Again. 
True Friends wouldn't give a shit about what kinda person you like.
Friends Like You For Who you Are. Having Preferences? That's part of WHO you ARE.


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