# Is that hard to find love for a big girl ?



## user 29874 (Aug 5, 2008)

I´m finding extremely hard to find at least a simple innocent date, not to mention a long term relationship.

Too many men in the closet (way scared of what Society says) and some others don´t treat me with respect enough just because of my weight.

It´s hard just for me to find love or is a "common decease" ?


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## bmann0413 (Aug 5, 2008)

Actually it kinda is. Guys like me who are actually outed to the public about liking big girls are kinda hard to find. Just keep looking and I'm sure you'll find the one that's perfect for you!


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 5, 2008)

I feel your pain on this! I haven't had much dating luck either. & I've definitely never been with a guy who really found me attractive..more like, "I'm dating you despite your weight" type of attitude.  I'm trying to keep faith that the right person is out there for me though, and I'm sure the same is true for you. :]


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## g-squared (Aug 5, 2008)

well i guess it might be hard to find a guy who is proud of the fact that he likes big girls. I just havent had any luck meeting the right girl for me, hopefully soon though.


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## lalatx (Aug 5, 2008)

I think it is hard dating period no matter if you are a guy or a girl dating is never easy. You are always going to be into someone who does not like you and you are going to run into jerks, but that is what dating is about I guess weeding through all the random people out there to find the person that you are meant to be with. I am really not that worried about finding the one or being in a committed relationship right now. If it happens great if not its no big deal. I am not willing to be with a person who is not physically and mentally attracted to me. I want to be with someone who likes the way I look and does not simply put up with it... not a whole lot to ask for. I have really never had a problem meeting guys nor are most guys shy about liking me just we never seem to want the same thing at the same time. I think the way that you feel about yourself also plays a large part in dating. If you feel bad about yourself it will most likely affect your relationship in a negative way. If you feel great about yourself than it will affect your relationship in a positive way. So before you can really expect to have a positive and good relationship with another person you have to feel good about yourself (sorry to be all preachy..and I am pretty sure that I sound like a relationship book).. good guys are out there sometimes they are just hard to find.... just my 2 cents.


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## Emma (Aug 5, 2008)

I've heard people say it can be but at 23 I've had loads of boyfriends and have never really found it hard to attract guys. I think it helps that I really really believe I am attractive and worth going out with and also that England is a reasonably small place so if you meet someone online that you really really like they're never more than a few hours away from you. 

I'd recommend going to a few bbw parties just to kick a bit of confidence into yourself (and believe me once you go to one and have all the men drool over you you will start to believe in yourself more).

BTW: I'm not trying to say here that I'm more attractive than anyone else because I'm not, I just believe I'm worth it.


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## jeff7005 (Aug 5, 2008)

jabl said:


> I´m finding extremely hard to find at least a simple innocent date, not to mention a long term relationship.
> 
> Too many men in the closet (way scared of what Society says) and some others don´t treat me with respect enough just because of my weight.
> 
> It´s hard just for me to find love or is a "common decease" ?


nothing is hard unless you wanted to be.
just stay positive and youre man will come to you.life revolves arround +- energy if you believe in something you will get it no matter how long it takes the stronger you are and the more desire you have you get what youre loocking for the easier it will be. i just want to add the fact that youre very beautifull lots of man are intimidated by you thats why they d'ont approche you cause they think that you will reject them or that you have someone in youre life cause to there mind theres no way someone as prety as you can be single.


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## JMNYC (Aug 5, 2008)

A date.

A job.

A place to live.

Sometimes one is easy, the other is hard, and the third seems like it will never happen, and not in that order all the time.

However, people who have all three have one thing in common. They never gave up. 

I bugged my current employer for three years until he gave me the job I wanted.

I put a LOT of personal ads in the paper and dated a lot of women before I found the woman I've now been with for 12 years.

I've had 14 addresses in my town before I found the place I live now.

I fell during the first 10 seconds of a triathlon last year and someone took my photo mid-spill. The guy sent me the pic with an email reading, "It's not that you fall, it's that you get back up and back in the race."

You didn't say what, if anything, you are doing to produce dates.

Do tell! 

One last thing. I met a friend recently for coffee, a friend over 300 pounds. A business thing, just pals. She started complaining about her date life and I thought, "Oh, man, if we were on a date and she did that, I would run in the other direction!"

Just a thought...good luck to you...


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## GoddessNoir (Aug 5, 2008)

Its difficult dating no matter what size you are. I have thin friends, fat friends, gay friends, straight friends and everyone seems to have the same issue, not finding someone for them. 

I do have to say if you want something you've got to go out looking for it. It isn't going to come knock on your door and get you. Go out more, do things that you like doing and you will meet someone. Place ads, weed through the knuckleheads, its summer, get out, go to concerts, dances, museums, dinner, even if by yourself. Go someplace you've never been, new cafe, new park. It will come.


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## TallFatSue (Aug 5, 2008)

jabl said:


> I´m finding extremely hard to find at least a simple innocent date, not to mention a long term relationship.
> 
> Too many men in the closet (way scared of what Society says) and some others don´t treat me with respect enough just because of my weight.
> 
> It´s hard just for me to find love or is a "common decease" ?





GoddessNoir said:


> Its difficult dating no matter what size you are. I have thin friends, fat friends, gay friends, straight friends and everyone seems to have the same issue, not finding someone for them.
> 
> I do have to say if you want something you've got to go out looking for it. It isn't going to come knock on your door and get you. Go out more, do things that you like doing and you will meet someone. Place ads, weed through the knuckleheads, its summer, get out, go to concerts, dances, museums, dinner, even if by yourself. Go someplace you've never been, new cafe, new park. It will come.



Yep, obesity sure complicated my love life when I was dating in the 1970s, but ultimately a positive attitude trumped everything. I found the love of my life when I was 20, we married 5 years later, and celebrated our 26th anniversary a few months ago. It wasn't easy, but all's well that ends well. 

In junior high school I hated being the big tall fat girl, and the other kids in school called me cute names like Suzy Bigfoot, Whale Belly and The Girl Who Ate Toledo. Then in high school I discovered that I had a quick wit, so I became the stereotypical big tall fat girl who made everyone laugh. It was a defense mechanism, but it worked surprisingly well. To my pleasant surprise I became moderately popular and had a few boyfriends too. Some of the skinny bitches complained that I had more dates than they did. Far be it from me to point out that their bitchy personalities were effective date repellents. 

Most boys would never date a fat girl at all, and most of my dates couldn't quite accept my size either. They said either "You have such a pretty face, if only you lost weight." or "You're a nice girl but what would my friends and/or family think?" There were also a few boys who thought that girls were easy, or boys who were interested only in my fat. So, I became discouraged and figured that I would always be the funny fat girl who had a lot of friends who were boys but never any true boyfriends. 

Later in university my Mr. Right turned up, disguised as Mr. Wrong. I was 20 then, and he was 18. Mr. Pain-In-The-Ass was the younger brother of a university classmate, and he loved to tell me how just how big my ass was (e.g. worthy of a solar eclipse), as well as the rest of me. That jerk must have told me every fat joke he knew, and I couldn't get rid of him. What a minute! Couldn't get rid of him? Hmm, methinks he doth protest too much. Then one fine day, after he said I was so fat I had my own gravitational field, I triple dared him to take me on a date and behave like a perfect gentleman. To my horror, he accepted my challenge. To my delight, he treated me like a lady. 

Well, I was so nervous on that first date that I had a truly impressive case of hiccups most of the evening, but somehow we had a great time. Then Art confessed that all those fat jokes were because he didn't like fat girls (gosh, really???) but nontheless he found himself very attracted to my friendly wise ass personality. The poor fool was falling in love with the fattest girl he ever met, and he just plain didn't know how to deal with my size. I resisted the temptation to break a table over his head (which might have also cured my hiccups), and said that I would help him learn to deal with my size if he was willing to learn. Art learned verrrry well, and we lived happily ever after. :smitten:

For comparison I'm 6ft 480lb (183cm 218kg) and Art is 5ft10 165lb (178cm 75kg).


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## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 5, 2008)

I am THIS close to making an Art appreciation thread.


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## Dibaby35 (Aug 5, 2008)

Oh hell yes its hard. Then add on even harder if you have a kid in the picture and if your over 30. I really think I should just give up but I dunno. So tired of players and guys that don't know what they want I could spit. I'm just gonna focus on me..cause really I don't need a man in my life to be happy. Just be a nice addition is all.


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## TallFatSue (Aug 5, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I am THIS close to making an Art appreciation thread.


Yikes! Sure hope nobody kidnaps my husband! 

Maybe my general advice should be to date engineers. 

Engineers are not the most romantic creatures on the planet. Art has probably given me flowers only twice or thrice in 30 years. His reason? Jewelry lasts much longer. Welllll, I can't exactly complain about that, but still! 

Nor are they slaves to fashion. Art might still be wearing bell bottoms if I hadn't taken him under my wing. On the other hand, after I had his attention, it wasn't too difficult to convince him that a fat woman my size would look better on his arm than a thin woman. Ask an engineer: Is the glass half empty or half full? Or more importantly when we're in a restaurant, is the chair large enough to fit my big fat ass? Is the booth large enough to accommodate my belly and boobs? 

Engineers can generally look beyond the obvious, they have open minds and they're involved for the long run. They are also highly receptive to structured training. Art had never dated a fat girl before, let alone a women remotely my size, so I suggested the best way to learn how to handle a few hundred extra pounds of fine feminine fat was for him to give me regular full body massages. After 3 decades, he's responding very well to regular training, and I endure his ecstatic massages as best I can (squealing like a schoolgirl tends to annoy the neighbors though). Engineers also have good earning potential and everything around the house works. :smitten:

So I'd say give engineers a try. Also keep your hands off my husband, lest you feel The Wrath of Sue. 

PS. Here's a goofy example of how engineers can adjust their thinking. On our first date I was so nervous I had a truly impressive case of hiccups. After I reassured Art that I was all right, I get the hiccups all the time and it's best just to let them run their course, then he noticed that hiccups can't be all bad if they cause massive shakage of my boobage every 5 seconds. Obviously I was a woman worth further study. 

It's not easy being a supersize trophy wife.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 5, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> So I'd say give engineers a try. Also keep your hands off my husband, lest you feel The Wrath of Sue.



I can make no such promise. :wubu:


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## Tad (Aug 5, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> So I'd say give engineers a try.



I'd second that advice 

I don't have a lot of dating advice, but I've noticed two things over the years:

1) For anyone, there are people who will be interested in dating them, and people who won't. For most people, there are more who are not interested in dating them than those who are interested in dating them. The thing is you have to put out of your mind those who won't, and focus on the ones who will. It is very easy to notice all the 'no' and because of that never notice the possible 'yes' out there.

2) A lot of the people who have tastes that are not so popular are also a bit more shy about dating. At least, they maybe don't go so much to those places where people often go to meet people (dance clubs, singles bars, etc). So many people finally found romance when they say they are not looking for it, and I think that part of the reason this happens is that they start spending more time doing things that interest them, and so they meet new people, and they are apt to share some interests with those people, and they get a chance to get to know each other through those activities first, which helps them realize that maybe they would connect well.

So good luck, and I'm sure that there are FA there, you maybe just have to lure them out from hiding


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 5, 2008)

Screw the Vegas Bash, when's the next Engineers convention in Vegas?


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## goofy girl (Aug 5, 2008)

It's not easy for anyone. 

If we're giving suggestions on where to meet people, try public transportation. I met my husband on the bus. :happy:


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## Flyin Lilac (Aug 5, 2008)

One of my bandmates (also a single woman having a hard time finding someone to date, except she's tall & skinny) and I had this conversation a couple of nights ago. We notice that around here for some inexplicable reason, the guys tend to go for the girls who act like sluts and have nothing to offer except their bodies (judged by conventional cultural "wisdom" as knockouts). 

Quite often I wonder what's wrong about me that I can't get a second look from a guy, and I've narrowed it down to a few things:
1. Maine appears to be way behind the curve in fat acceptance --- most men around here still want the skinny (or at most, slightly muffin-topped) girl with the big tits and taut ass. If there are any serious FAs in this neck of the woods, I sure's hell don't know about 'em. 
1a. Maine might as well be the end of the Earth in terms of proximity to the caliber of genuine FAs we find here in Dims.

2. My lack of self-confidence, which I'm working on every day to improve. The old adage that you have to like yourself before someone can like you has great merit.

3. I'm sort of picky. Not in the sense that a guy has to look like Brad Pitt (I'm not into pretty boys) or have a bodybuilder's physique (I've been attracted to all sorts of body types), but physical attraction to some degree is a must. And every woman's definition of attractive is different. For me, a cute face featuring beautiful eyes and a great smile go a long, long way. Is that shallow? I dunno. It just is what it is, just as a guy can't help it if he's not attracted to a big girl.

4. I'm not actively out there looking in terms of joining a bunch of personals sites or spending time in chats. I also don't do the bar scene because it doesn't really interest me. I've sort of adopted the policy that if I'm meant to find someone, it will happen. That's not to say I'm just sitting here waiting for him to knock on my door. I keep my eyes and options open when I'm going about the business of my day, moreso when I'm out playing gigs in the band --- you never know when there might be an FA in the crowd!

Being in my early 40s and having never had a serious relationship (just a series of flings here and there), I'm supposedly at my "peak," so I hope my prospects improve pretty soon. I don't know if I'm marriage- or long-term-commitment-minded, but I'd love to experience the companionship, fun and intimacy that comes with the "steady dating" or "boyfriend" thing. Y'know, knowing that the phone will ring at a certain time every night or that you'll be spending the coming weekend together ... knowing that you're not alone ... knowing that your adored and desired ... knowing that you mean just as much to them as they do to you. 

Doesn't seem like a hell of a lot to ask, does it?


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## pani (Aug 5, 2008)

I agree with JMYNC. I think it takes much effort and persistance. I think the media conditions us to believe in love at first site and instant solutions. Life is messy, painful, boring, tedious, discouraging and a whole host of other negatives at times. But the good is there too. One just has to either keep on trying or redirect ones goals. I do think it is also true that sometimes love comes when one is not looking for it.


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## goofy girl (Aug 5, 2008)

Flyin Lilac said:


> One of my bandmates (also a single woman having a hard time finding someone to date, except she's tall & skinny) and I had this conversation a couple of nights ago. We notice that around here for some inexplicable reason, the guys tend to go for the girls who act like sluts and have nothing to offer except their bodies (judged by conventional cultural "wisdom" as knockouts).
> 
> Quite often I wonder what's wrong about me that I can't get a second look from a guy, and I've narrowed it down to a few things:
> 1. Maine appears to be way behind the curve in fat acceptance --- most men around here still want the skinny (or at most, slightly muffin-topped) girl with the big tits and taut ass. If there are any serious FAs in this neck of the woods, I sure's hell don't know about 'em.
> ...



This is one of the best posts I've ever read. Ever.


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## BigCutieAriel (Aug 5, 2008)

I have been big my whole life and have never had trouble getting a boyfriend or a date and i am picky. lol I won't settle for just anyone but i've always been happy being me and pretty outgoing so that has helped the funny thing is most the guys i've dated and had usually only dated skinny girls till me so trust me there are guys out there no matter what your size. Just be confident in who you are and you'll find the right guy  Goodluck


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## Rowan (Aug 5, 2008)

I have definitely found it is....hence..this last time around..ive been single for one year 3 months now.


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## Still a Skye fan (Aug 5, 2008)

I've never tried to hide my preferences, I just find dating to be bloody hard and I haven't met the right gal yet.

To the gal in Venezuela who started this thread? Don't give up hope, I think there's someone for all of us out there.


Dennis


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## Kareda (Aug 5, 2008)

Flyin Lilac said:


> Quite often I wonder what's wrong about me that I can't get a second look from a guy, and I've narrowed it down to a few things:
> 1. Maine appears to be way behind the curve in fat acceptance --- most men around here still want the skinny (or at most, slightly muffin-topped) girl with the big tits and taut ass. If there are any serious FAs in this neck of the woods, I sure's hell don't know about 'em.
> 1a. Maine might as well be the end of the Earth in terms of proximity to the caliber of genuine FAs we find here in Dims.



Although I met my hubby in Maine, I Have to agree with those statements! I was always "the friend" Guys would- and still do- jump for the "butter face girls" (Everything about her is great, but her face). I am still friends with many people in Maine ages 28-36 and only 1 is a true FA (besides my hubby) The rest are walking around with these women with tight bodies and nasty looking (imo) faces. 

OT- You know, growing up an Air Force Brat- Maine is the ONLY place I was ever teased- South Portland being the WORST!


When I moved to the Midwest (after I was married) I got hit on a lot! It was totally different then what I had ever experienced in Maine.

Anyways...

Now onto the subject at hand, I find myself very lucky that I met Paul way early in life...at Dunkin Donuts no less, lol...so I cannot really have an opinion on the matter - but from my moms experience, also a bigger gal it was hard. She was divorced at age 41 (my dads certainly a "hater" *roll* ) and back on the market. She met her late husband through a chat line however it really is hard to weed out all the pervs. She actually got involved with a few just for sex, but she finally found the one and got married again a few years later. She went looking though, she put herself out there, and I think that's what needs to occur. Something is bound to transpire- more so then just merely hoping someone comes along. (Not to say that doesn't happen- it did for me, I just think its not as common)


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## washburn (Aug 6, 2008)

this may help. It sounds crazy but take the time and absorb it.


http://www.tv-links.cc/movie/the-secret.htm


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## leighcy (Aug 6, 2008)

I've never really had a problem finding men, BUT it's hard to find people in general that have anything in common with me and share my likes and interests. For me, that's very important. Without that, you really do run out of things to talk about.


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## TallFatSue (Aug 6, 2008)

Kareda said:


> The rest are walking around with these women with tight bodies and nasty looking (imo) faces.


This reminds me that several years ago Comedy Central had _The Man Show_ which touted tight-bodied women on trampolines. Which begs the question: if men like to watch women jiggle, but also like them so thin that they need trampolines in order to jiggle at all, doesn't that defeat the purpose? They need to come to their senses because we fat women are jigglers extraordinaires!


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## Kareda (Aug 6, 2008)

TallFatSue said:


> This reminds me that several years ago Comedy Central had _The Man Show_ which touted tight-bodied women on trampolines. Which begs the question: if men like to watch women jiggle, but also like them so thin that they need trampolines in order to jiggle at all, doesn't that defeat the purpose? They need to come to their senses because we fat women are jigglers extraordinaires!



Never watched the Man show- but




So true!!


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## superodalisque (Aug 6, 2008)

jabl said:


> I´m finding extremely hard to find at least a simple innocent date, not to mention a long term relationship.
> 
> Too many men in the closet (way scared of what Society says) and some others don´t treat me with respect enough just because of my weight.
> 
> It´s hard just for me to find love or is a "common decease" ?



i think its a common thing--not particular to fat women. i've been a bbw all of my life and an ssbbw for about 15 yrs and i have no trouble dating. it takes everyone a little time to find that person that they feel in their heart is meant for them.
i have little gfs who almost never date. they are the social ideal and still they share all of the problems that everyone else does. just don't talk yourself into believing that its just because you are fat. don't handicap yourself that way. you have to do what the little girls do when they have the same problem. 

sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone. you might have to change some of the places that you go. clubs bars etc... are NOT a good place to meet someone. those are really just hook-up places in general so if you want more you have to go somewhere else. 

you might have to chose the guy you wouldn't have before. i'm not talking about stepping back on your ideal, just giving other guys you thought you might not have much in common with a chance. 

have a love affair with yourself and be active in the world and you and the right guy will find each other. the big thing is making sure that you seem open and available. thats easier to do when you are concentrating on developing yourself rather than obsessing over who you do or don't have. then its more likely you'll be able to relax and let the bad ones go so that they don't distract you from the good thing that comes along.

but i think mainly its best to take the time to analyze what it is that you are doing and do something different. you can't change other people but you can change yourself.


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## shin_moyseku (Aug 6, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Screw the Vegas Bash, when's the next Engineers convention in Vegas?



i agree we the Engineers love Big Girls


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## KendraLee (Aug 7, 2008)

jabl said:


> I´m finding extremely hard to find at least a simple innocent date, not to mention a long term relationship.
> 
> Too many men in the closet (way scared of what Society says) and some others don´t treat me with respect enough just because of my weight.
> 
> It´s hard just for me to find love or is a "common decease" ?



I feel exactly where you're coming from. And even if you get the date and like the person its pretty common for the guy to not be interested in a relationship. I actually do take slight comfort in the fact that it does seem to be a common disease. I have plenty of thin beautiful friends who are in their late 20's and 30's who are still single and searching. Its not just a disease, its an epidemic


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## user 29874 (Aug 7, 2008)

I want to thank to everysingle person who read or answer this.

I´m kind of struggling for a long period of time with my single status.

I´m the only fat around my friends, so you must know all the situations, comments, jokes and feelings I have been thrue.

Being a professional, very confident, outgoing and good looking woman it´s hard for me to deal with some situations, like bimbo´s and so having men fighting for them and me still single, having so much to offer and give and no body wanting to receive any of that.

I go out often, have a large number of friends and acquaintences and have a pretty busy social life. The thing is here dating a girl like me is equal as being a criminal.

It happens to me a couple of times a very high profile guys asked me to go out, show me and let me know how badly they are into me, but guess what? They "can´t" date me, because that will put down their "successfull man" reputation.

Their loss, not mine 

I guess I just should go with the flow and whatever destiny have from me, take it.

Again, thanks very much family, it mean the world to me all the caring and love I get.

Xoxo

Jennifer :wubu:


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## superodalisque (Aug 7, 2008)

jabl said:


> I want to thank to everysingle person who read or answer this.
> 
> I´m kind of struggling for a long period of time with my single status.
> 
> ...



count yourself lucky. sometimes being fat is a great way to find out who the weak guys are very quickly. i think it would be really hard to respect a guy long term who was soooo afraid of what other people thought all of the time. not all men are boys.


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## Dibaby35 (Aug 8, 2008)

Yeah its depressing sometimes when you think its all the bimbos getting the attention...and maybe respecting yourself is the wrong way to go. But girl being true to yourself and sticking to your morals is the only way to go. One day your gonna get a great guy that deserves a girl like you


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 8, 2008)

Jennifer, esta muy bonita y muy intelligente -- una prima regalo. Estoy muy seguro que esos hombres saben esto después de ser introducida a usted. Usted está correcto, él es su pérdida. Rogaré que el novio adecuado venga adelante para usted y que él sea muy hermoso y intelligente como usted eres! :kiss2:




jabl said:


> I want to thank to everysingle person who read or answer this.
> 
> I´m kind of struggling for a long period of time with my single status.
> 
> ...


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## DuskyJewel (Aug 8, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Screw the Vegas Bash, when's the next Engineers convention in Vegas?



Well, we could go to Brazil in December for the World Engineering Convention. Over 5.000 of the world's best....why limit yourself


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## Nikki80 (Aug 8, 2008)

I feel like I'm invisible with men. I smile a lot, especially where I work, where being nice is sometimes a rarity, but I don't get anyone playfully flirting with me or anything like that whereas one of the thin, socially accepted workers there was ALWAYS getting hit on by the men, and told by other women that she's beautiful, pretty, etc. And what do I always get? "Gee, you're so nice!" 

It also doesn't help that most of the women I see around here who have boyfriends/husbands are thin. I have yet to see a fat girl with a husband or a boyfriend. The fat women I see are often alone. So that doesn't give me much hope either. I mean, does all that self-confidence stuff truly work or is it all just a cliche? Like I said, I smile, and really am nice to people but I still don't get anywhere. I can't help but wonder if I'm doing anything wrong.


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## user 29874 (Aug 8, 2008)

Nikki consider yourself lucky.

Here is a fat girl is too friendly or smile too much, is just a "fat lesbian trying to get approbal and attention". I´ve been told that not once...at least 20 times during my 29 years old.

Today I´m not the best person to speak, kind of struggling with a bunch of bad news. 

I just hope this lonelyness and sad feelings go away soon.


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## Nikki80 (Aug 9, 2008)

jabl said:


> Nikki consider yourself lucky.
> 
> Here is a fat girl is too friendly or smile too much, is just a "fat lesbian trying to get approbal and attention". I´ve been told that not once...at least 20 times during my 29 years old.
> 
> ...


 
I'm sorry to hear you're not having the best of days either, and I hope your loneliness and sadness goes away soon too.

Over here, I'm always told I'm sweet, nice, and stuff like that, but that still doesn't get me anywhere, TBH. I hear that smiling and all that stuff is supposed to work, but for me it doesn't. I don't have anyone coming back to ask me out or flirt or anything. A friend of mine always tells me that bigger girls get more attention than she does (she's thin), but I don't know where these men are, because I sure don't get any attention. I'm invisible, it seems, even though I'm smiling, and friendly. 

I just don't get it. Maybe I'm doing the smiling and friendly thing wrong, or I don't have the look that a lot of men like or something. But another thing is, I don't see a lot of fat women with husbands or boyfriends around here, so I wonder if that plays a factor in my being passed over too.


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## KendraLee (Aug 10, 2008)

Maybe there's a way to break away from the nice mold. Personally, I don't like being told I'm nice. I may be a good person but I'm not always nice. Nice feels like the kiss of death


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## KotR (Aug 10, 2008)

I see some women expressing discontent about being looked over for the slut/bimbo types. From the male perspective, it's also frustrating getting overlooked because I might not be rippling buff, have Orlando Bloom's face, and all that other BS.

The range at which I find females attractive will vary. I won't lie about having a penchant for big boobs (Earlier mention of the Man Show and jiggling would allude to the true purpose of this program when paired with such a trait), but in what limited relationship experience I've had, a lack of that hasn't been the factor.

Ultimately, at 25 and with a near non-existent social life, I've had to grow living as a lone wolf. This doesn't make things easy in terms of wanting a relationship. I don't need to know every move of my partner, but I also feel distressed if they're perpetually inquiring about my activities or what I'm thinking about. Most of the time I'm not doing anything other than relaxing. Sometimes I literally just zone out and don't think. I'm a very analytical person, and if I don't get this "off time", I can get pretty frazzled and irritable.

I'm also not into the bar or party scene. Smoking is icky. Drugs are stupid. Booze is something I'll just never come to understand, apparently. Publicly state these view amongst my peers, and suddenly I'm some kind of monster.

Really, I like to keep things simple. Having someone to cozy up with at the end of the day would be wonderful. I've been told I'm a nice guy and all that jazz, but those same people will never give me the time of day. Part of me just wants to call 'em liars to their face, but I can't exactly burn what few bridges I do have.

Instead, I just try to keep myself busy enough so I don't get caught up in feeling lonely. Sometimes I fail, but it's usually nothing a good night's sleep can't cure.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 11, 2008)

BigCutieAriel said:


> I have been big my whole life and have never had trouble getting a boyfriend or a date and i am picky. lol I won't settle for just anyone but i've always been happy being me and pretty outgoing so that has helped the funny thing is most the guys i've dated and had usually only dated skinny girls till me so trust me there are guys out there no matter what your size. Just be confident in who you are and you'll find the right guy  Goodluck



I often hear this, but I don't find it to be true in my own life. I am very outgoing, funny and confident [not to toot my own horn!] yet I rarely seem to attract guys. I do however get many of the "you'd be so much prettier if you lost weight.." and "I'd consider dating you if you were a little smaller.." comments.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 11, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> I often hear this, but I don't find it to be true in my own life. I am very outgoing, funny and confident [not to toot my own horn!] yet I rarely seem to attract guys. I do however get many of the "you'd be so much prettier if you lost weight.." and "I'd consider dating you if you were a little smaller.." comments.



Off topic here, thatgirl08 I LOVE your posts. I've been trying to Rep you but I keep getting that annoying diologue box that says I've already done so. If I appear to be stalking you it's no coincidence.

I'm a fairly pleasant happy person but overall I have a dry, deadpan, sarcastic sort of humor mostly. I'm not a robot or anything but my strong personality tends to intimidate most of the men away. Any attraction to me usually comes in the form of an anonymous note made with glue and newspaper clippings which causes more alarm than romance. I could probably don a pair of rollerskates and giggle a little more to make myself more approachable but it's tough to keep up a facade that isn't me. Anybody drawn in by this would be deeply disappointed later. I've opted to just be myself but admittedly this keeps my dating options at a bare minimum.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 11, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Any attraction to me usually comes in the form of an anonymous note made with glue and newspaper clippings which causes more alarm than romance.



So, I guess I can just not slip this under your door later tonight .. okay, that's cool.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> So, I guess I can just not slip this under your door later tonight .. okay, that's cool.



_"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to BothGunsBlazing again." _​
I've put the lotion in the basket you sweet talker you. :batting:


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## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 11, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> _"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to BothGunsBlazing again." _​
> I've put the lotion in the basket you sweet talker you. :batting:



good cuz this was going to be the next one.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> good cuz this was going to be the next one.



Awww, so it's guns now eh? I was hoping for the hose again.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 11, 2008)

yeah, but it's like, both guns, you know? oh man, I totally just realized I'm at work at the Children's Hospital googling 

RANSOM NOTE GENERATOR

:doh::doh::doh::doh:


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> yeah, but it's like, both guns, you know? oh man, I totally just realized I'm at work at the Children's Hospital googling
> 
> RANSOM NOTE GENERATOR
> 
> :doh::doh::doh::doh:



Dangerous men have *so* much more allure. Everybody knows that. :kiss2::wubu::kiss2:


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## NancyGirl74 (Aug 11, 2008)

Being a fat girl has never made my dating life easy...but it's being a shy girl that really screws things up. I have no flirt skill and if a guy shows interest I clam up and show disinterest which is usually not the case. So, more than being fat being shy has been my biggest obstacle to overcome.


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Aug 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> yeah, but it's like, both guns, you know? oh man, I totally just realized I'm at work at the Children's Hospital googling
> 
> RANSOM NOTE GENERATOR


 
I think if I were to make a site that creates these things, I would insert a tiny bit of code that embeds the user's email address in the image metadata, just to make sure it's being used solely for humorous purposes.


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## Flyin Lilac (Aug 11, 2008)

My personality is the perfect combination of Lilly's dry, deadpan sarcastic sense of humor and Nancy's shyness and having no idea in hell what to do or say if a guy shows a genuine interest in me. I'm screwed. :doh:


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## Raqui (Aug 11, 2008)

I feel it can be because you have the men who love big women date you and then you get into a relationship with them and suddenly they dont like being with a big woman anymore.

Of course i am a SSBBW. They want to run around like they are single and beging to try and play gulit trips on you. As if your size is a stopping them from living a normal life.

I say only your mind limits what you can do. Anything you do regular sized you can do plus sized or accomidate a plus sized person in some type of way Someone who is unwilling to comprimise or to try and include there plus sized mate. weather you are smaller or bigger like me.

that is a whole other type of male. Those who like the fat but dont like that along with a fat mate comes certain obstacles that you have to plan around or get around.

Just never settle. I have settled in my life and it is not a good feeling.

Raqui


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## Nikki80 (Aug 11, 2008)

Yeah, I can't tell if there ARE any guys who are taking an interest in me, because I assume that most men wouldn't look my way. I've heard, and been told over and over again that "most men prefer thin women" so it's hard for me to even think that I'd be attractive to men after that message being drilled into my head. Like I said, being nice, and smiling doesn't help, and I don't have any flirting skills either. So yeah, I'm pretty well screwed over here too.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 11, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Off topic here, thatgirl08 I LOVE your posts. I've been trying to Rep you but I keep getting that annoying diologue box that says I've already done so. If I appear to be stalking you it's no coincidence.



AW! Haha, thank you so much! :]


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## Victim (Aug 11, 2008)

There are FA that can be jerks and are just looking for a 'storage shed' until someone comes along they actually WANT. 

I consider myself very lucky that I found who I wanted to be with very early in life and we are still together.


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## NoWayOut (Aug 11, 2008)

Nikki80 said:


> Yeah, I can't tell if there ARE any guys who are taking an interest in me, because I assume that most men wouldn't look my way. I've heard, and been told over and over again that "most men prefer thin women" so it's hard for me to even think that I'd be attractive to men after that message being drilled into my head. Like I said, being nice, and smiling doesn't help, and I don't have any flirting skills either. So yeah, I'm pretty well screwed over here too.



Actually, being nice and smiling would be a good way to get me interested. Maybe it'll work on other guys.


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## intraultra (Aug 12, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Being a fat girl has never made my dating life easy...but it's being a shy girl that really screws things up. I have no flirt skill and if a guy shows interest I clam up and show disinterest which is usually not the case. So, more than being fat being shy has been my biggest obstacle to overcome.



Yes! This exactly, for me as well.


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## CrazyGuy13 (Aug 12, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> I often hear this, but I don't find it to be true in my own life. I am very outgoing, funny and confident [not to toot my own horn!] yet I rarely seem to attract guys. I do however get many of the "you'd be so much prettier if you lost weight.." and "I'd consider dating you if you were a little smaller.." comments.



Those guys must be blind, or something, lol.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 12, 2008)

CrazyGuy13 said:


> Those guys must be blind, or something, lol.



Haha, thanks.

I know I already responded here but I just want to add that not only is it hard to get dates as a fat chick, but it's hard to get a little respect in the dating arena. Everyone assumes I'm so damn desperate. Most of the guys that ever show interest in me assume I'm willing to sleep with everyone or put up with a lot of their bullshit (like cheating or whatever) just because they assume I'm desperate for a boyfriend. Not true. And even worse, my friends assume I'm desperate so they try to hook me up with these losers because they figure it's better than nothing. Not true. Or if they don't like a guy I'm interested in, they assume I'm only dating him or I only like him because I'm desperate and don't think I can do any better. Not true.  

I hear it gets better when you get a little older. I'm hoping. Hah.


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## Nikki80 (Aug 12, 2008)

NoWayOut said:


> Actually, being nice and smiling would be a good way to get me interested. Maybe it'll work on other guys.


 
Thanks. I hope it'll get more guys interested too.


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