# "All the nice girls love a bastard!"



## Sasquatch! (May 16, 2010)

Not at all copy and pasted from another thread here :happy:

What's your experience with this phenomenon? 
Ever been turned down in favour of a bastard? 
Ever been the bastard? 
Are there different types of bastard?
Has the word bastard now lost all meaning?


----------



## LovesBigMen (May 16, 2010)

What's your experience with this phenomenon? 

My experience with this phenomenon is that I dislike bastard very much so and when a big guy is a basterd its sad cause why be like that with a great body.


Has the word bastard now lost all meaning?
And I call them douch bags personaly haha :happy:


----------



## Zowie (May 16, 2010)

You're assuming we're nice girls, of course. 

But no. Unless he's just faking the bastardocity, and he's actually a nice guy, no.

Edit, I never understand girls who do. Why? There are tons of great guys running around trying tp spread the love, why do you go for the jerkface?


----------



## freakyfred (May 16, 2010)

It's actually happened twice; a few days after I told said girls what a bastard said bastard was.

First one was a crush. Second was a recent ex. I thought she actually did it to spite me but they're still together so I wonder. In both cases, the bastards were compulsive cheaters.


----------



## Fat Brian (May 16, 2010)

I've lost out to a bastard a few times and seen my mom and two sisters with a seemingly never-ending lineup of them. I've tried to explain it but just can't seem to find the true source of the problem.


----------



## warwagon86 (May 16, 2010)

never lost out to the bastard

lost out to the other nice guy before but thats all good

but im a firm believer in karma and what goes around comes around!!!


----------



## spiritangel (May 16, 2010)

pretty sure that is a lesson I have learnt re learnt and moved on from 

a friend pointed out to me mayby the universe is testing me by sending me the worst type of guys (who are seeking me out btw I havent actually been looking) and every one of them is getting turned down 

although some guys are really really really good at hiding that side of themselves and as in the case of my ex really good at changing just long enough to re bait the hook before turning back into an arse again 

I am just at that place where I dont want the added drama and want a guy to want me for me I want a great guy and sometimes that can be like finding a needle in a haystack


----------



## LovesBigMen (May 16, 2010)

spiritangel said:


> I am just at that place where I dont want the added drama and want a guy to want me for me I want a great guy and sometimes that can be like finding a needle in a haystack



Or a needle in needles :doh:


----------



## Fat Brian (May 16, 2010)

I think some women mistake bastardism for confidence. They kinda look the same on the surface, its takes a while to really discern the difference.


----------



## spiritangel (May 16, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> I think some women mistake bastardism for confidence. They kinda look the same on the surface, its takes a while to really discern the difference.



oh no there is a huge difference and there is a differnce in the types of confidence to cause a guy who is cocky is a total turn off (well for me)

but someone who is quietly confident or who radiates that they are happy within themselves that is a confidence that inspires


----------



## escapist (May 16, 2010)

To some I am "The Bastard", to others I am not. I believe firmly in having a well rounded personality. This means embracing your "inner-bastard", and your "kindly-saint". When one denies aspects of his or her personality that are meant are there for a reason they loose out on the advantages those traits give them (not to mention creates a wonderful fiction where they are always "the good guy"). Often people reject there "inner-bastard" while simultaneously adopting a "Victim Nice-Guy" mentality. Call it Karma if you will but yeah I think life will repay you what you give out, so I do not need to waste my time worrying about if someone is going to "Get theirs" in the end. Instead I get to spend my life being the man I want to be. Free from worrying if I'm a wuss, bastard, or a nice guy. I get to just be me, and enjoy what comes from that :happy:

...In my experience women love that guy more than "The Nice Guy" or "The Bastard", because he's a nice guy to her, and a bastard to others when he has to be (aka he has a heart, and Balls of steel).


----------



## escapist (May 16, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> I think some women mistake bastardism for confidence. They kinda look the same on the surface, its takes a while to really discern the difference.



I think often what people fail to realize its the STRONG personality that people react to. Strong personality traits are a major part of attraction. Strong personalities traits are not always good, but they always get a response and a reaction. Confidence is part of a strong personality. Bastardism is what you get when mix confidence with a lack of compassion and social graces. There is, believe it or not, an appropriate time and place for such a thing. I just have a hard time believing that time and place is every day, or even every week unless you live in a complete hell-hole or a war zone.


----------



## WillSpark (May 17, 2010)

I for one am the friend of someone who I am constantly advizing on the bastard tendencies of all four of her past boyfriends. With her it is a tendency to connect to people who can put up with and then deal back her crap (she's a bitch in all the best ways), but the problem is the people who do that are typically dillweeds.

That said, escapist is definitely right about strong personalities. People like people who are capable of being the center of attention. It's a draw. The problem with this is that this capability also tends to come with cockiness, a sense of entitlement, the social kind of god-complex, and in some cases a disturbed sense of the reality of situations and people around you. 

i.e. the cast of Jersey Shore.


----------



## JenFromOC (May 17, 2010)

I should probably just keep my fat mouth shut...but...I like some bastardly qualities, because quite frankly, I can be a real asshole myself. Also, sometimes you don't realize....or want to admit...that you're with a bastard. 

Come to think of it, I've never met a "nice guy." Really....now isn't that strange?


----------



## escapist (May 17, 2010)

WillSpark said:


> I for one am the friend of someone who I am constantly advizing on the bastard tendencies of all four of her past boyfriends. With her it is a tendency to connect to people who can put up with and then deal back her crap (she's a bitch in all the best ways), but the problem is the people who do that are typically dillweeds.
> 
> *That said, escapist is definitely right about strong personalities. People like people who are capable of being the center of attention. It's a draw. The problem with this is that this capability also tends to come with cockiness, a sense of entitlement, the social kind of god-complex, and in some cases a disturbed sense of the reality of situations and people around you.
> *
> i.e. the cast of Jersey Shore.



Bingo, exactly what I'm saying! I think it would be amazing if everybody could learn to adapt a bit of whatever it is they are lacking. The nice guy's get a bit of meanness or whatever you want to call it, and the A-holes develop a bit of the "nice-guy". It really did work wonders for me. Sure I rub people the wrong way sometimes, but who know me know I'm 98% nice guy even if I look like a pissed off HULK at the moment.


----------



## spiritangel (May 17, 2010)

I think there is a total difference between being a bastard and being strong and standing up for the people you love and what you view as right/wrong

that could just be me though


----------



## joswitch (May 17, 2010)

Good thread!


----------



## escapist (May 17, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> I should probably just keep my fat mouth shut...but...I like some bastardly qualities, because quite frankly, I can be a real asshole myself. Also, sometimes you don't realize....or want to admit...that you're with a bastard.
> 
> Come to think of it, I've never met a "nice guy." Really....now isn't that strange?



Yep, thats because most people read a "Nice Guy" as being false or worse. You can have nice guy qualities, and Bastard qualities, but if you if you have to much of either your probably just not any-good for anybody.

Like I said, to some I've been the bastard. I've also been the "nice guy". I've been the emotional tampon to soak up the mess left behind by some jerk that really didn't give a damn. Out of all of them I know which one left me feeling just fine about myself and got me everything I wanted in life without compromising my values. I know which one made me feel like the looser in a race I was always last in. I also know which one never got me to the place I really wanted to go. The simple fact was 90% of the time the guy calling me a bastard was the one who felt like he lost something when really he didn't have a huge chance to get in the first place.

I've never had any ex call me a bastard or been so unattracted she never wanted to see me again. So I couldn't have been so bad I was beyond reproach or forgiveness could I have? I've only had other guys call me "The Bastard". These are the same guys that can never see someone winning a game via skill, but instead call it "pure luck". These are the same guys that don't see other men of quality, worthy competitors that test their steel. I know because like I said, I used to be one of those guys.

Now days I have a very different view of "The bastard's". Now I see the guy that uses his quick wit in a conversation as someone on my level. I see the guy who try's to bump me out of the conversation often as a the the guy now giving me an opportunity to display my own personality and awareness of social dynamics and create the attraction I'm looking for.

Well here, this link shows exactly what I'm talking about.

All life is subjective to the point you are looking at it from and that view changes from moment to moment, and experience to experience. Hell in 20 more years I might think very differently about all this...maybe not, but what do I know, I got 20 more years till I can tell you about it


----------



## talpa (May 17, 2010)

Fictitious bastards? Hot. 
Real life bastards? Not.


----------



## fat hiker (May 17, 2010)

Sasquatch! said:


> Has the word bastard now lost all meaning?



Yeah, it did that when it stopped meaning 'child of unmarried parents' and became 'uncouth, self-centred, nasty...."


----------



## joswitch (May 17, 2010)

escapist said:


> Yep, thats because most people read a "Nice Guy" as being false or worse. You can have nice guy qualities, and Bastard qualities, but if you if you have to much of either your probably just not any-good for anybody.
> 
> Like I said, to some I've been the bastard. I've also been the "nice guy". I've been the emotional tampon to soak up the mess left behind by some jerk that really didn't give a damn. Out of all of them I know which one left me feeling just fine about myself and got me everything I wanted in life without compromising my values. I know which one made me feel like the looser in a race I was always last in. I also know which one never got me to the place I really wanted to go. The simple fact was 90% of the time the guy calling me a bastard was the one who felt like he lost something when really he didn't have a huge chance to get in the first place.
> 
> ...



Good link, although I'd've said the fella that Matt Damon's character was debating wasn't so much a bastard... more of a knobhead... certainly Matt Damon showed the successful, ruthless bastard right there tho'...

Oh just btw, slightly at a tangent to the thread - here's a link to an odd little comic about the Nice Guy vs. the "Nice Guy"... from one chick's POV anyhow...
http://www.gurl.com/showoff/comix/pages/0,,714667-2,00.html


----------



## joswitch (May 17, 2010)

freakyfred said:


> It's actually happened twice; a few days after I told said girls what a bastard said bastard was.
> 
> First one was a crush. Second was a recent ex. I thought she actually did it to spite me but they're still together so I wonder. In both cases, the bastards were *compulsive cheaters*.



Why would women want a bloke who cheats? ....

Evolutionary theory says it's cos his genes make him attractive to women.
And if the woman in question is able to pass those genes on to a son - who can potentially father thousands, in contrast with a daughter who can maybe mother a dozen or so - then her genes will be spread more widely.
That's the ("sexy son") theory anyway... and there's some supporting evidence....
http://moreintelligentlife.com/content/issues-ideas/catherine-nixey/whos-daddy

Of course natural selection doesn't select for "happy"... Just for "having many offspring"....


----------



## KittyKitten (May 17, 2010)

Not really. I think many women love a man who is strong, confident, protective of his woman, and who is sure of himself. 

That "women want jerks" bs is spewed mostly by weak men who have low self esteem and can't score because they lack confidence, charisma, and strength!!!!

It is true many young girls go for the truly bad boys, but a lot of women grow out of that stuff.


----------



## RJI (May 17, 2010)

Girls love a "Bad Boy" 

I like to consider myself a nice guy but with an edge and supreme confidence.


----------



## Crumbling (May 17, 2010)

IME...

If they call you a "nice guy" to your face and sound like they mean it.
It's either going nowhere, or if you were already somewhere... you're going to be single inside of a week.

This doesn't mean they want a bastard. It just means they don't want you.

Your mileage may vary.

S.


----------



## BigChaz (May 17, 2010)

I walk away from at least three explosions a day without looking back and have yet to find my soul mate. Pretty sure if that doesn't work then nothing works.


----------



## escapist (May 17, 2010)

joswitch said:


> Good link, although I'd've said the fella that Matt Damon's character was debating wasn't so much a bastard... more of a knobhead... certainly Matt Damon showed the successful, ruthless bastard right there tho'...
> 
> Oh just btw, slightly at a tangent to the thread - here's a link to an odd little comic about the Nice Guy vs. the "Nice Guy"... from one chick's POV anyhow...
> http://www.gurl.com/showoff/comix/pages/0,,714667-2,00.html



Yep, pretty much what I'm talking about. No he wasn't "a bastard" because he lost. His character was such how ever that the moment he realized he lost the verbal judo match decided that he needed to toss out that he had money, and that made him more valuable than the guy he lost too. Why? Because, its self defense mechanism used by some to protect there own self-image; that they could never truly loose to someone of lesser value. In other words in the end he doesn't have to call the other guy a bastard, because he can't even conceive of him on that level.

Conversely think if he had won though. Pretty easy to see how he was a jerk (aka a bastard) for trying to use "how smart I am/how dumb are you" logic debates to lower someone else's social value. His buddy however stepped in (very cool move if you ask me) and preserved his friends value by blowing the other guy out and calling him out on his cheep tactics.


With your tangent topic, yeah that form of "nice-guy" is the guy who is willing to be an emotional-tampon. He will suck up all the crap, every ounce of stuff he should never touch, just on the hope that one day you will see what he perceives as "His true value" (being a REAL "nice-guy"). Its such a weak position the guy doing this has no clue who truly disgusting his tactic is. Often this is the same friend who is just waiting for that 1 chance he has in a time when you really need him to get into your panties. Its what he's been wanting from the first day he became your BFF/guy friend.

I had a friend once in that position. He deluded himself in ways I can't even fully compute. I advised him that he needed to tell the woman, "I'm sorry for what your going though, but I like you to much to hear about the other guys your dating. I don't want to be your Bestest-Friend, I want to be your boyfriend". He came back with, but I am her friend, I care, I have a duty as her friend to listen to it...bla, bla, bla, bla. I told him well enjoy your life in the friend zone. You are officially making yourself to "SAFE" to every be considered as something exciting and pursued....and guess what, I was right. Years later. She hardly even talks to him now. Even though there was a time she would call him in the middle of the night and he would rush over there to comfort her as her "truest friend". I don't know why he could admit to me he wanted to be her boyfriend, but not her. He couldn't get the logic that if he wanted to be her boyfriend he had to think like he was boyfriend material. Not BFF material, cause guess what. The moment she found a guy with a stronger attraction pull on her, she stopped calling. No more slumber parties, no more getting drunk, 1/2 naked make-outs with her "BFF"....PS this was a much old guy (I'm in my 30's) who by his own admittance "never gone there" with a girl.

Yes there is always the exception to everything, but on this one...probably not that often. If your a guy who thinks like this. Give it up now. Admit to yourself you want more than to be her BFF! You want the girl. I don't mean that in any trashy respects either. It can be with all the love and respect you feel she deserves. Answer me this though, if you think like that then doesn't she deserve to know how you really feel about it? If not in word, how about in deed? You don't have to go kneel and declare your love for her (never do that unless you have evidence of her attraction for you already) you can just start acting like a guy who is just the kind of strong confident man you feel she really deserves. Break free of the trap that leads you down a path where you will never get what you really want.



(how's that for going off on a tangent?)




joswitch said:


> Why would women want a bloke who cheats? ....
> 
> Evolutionary theory says it's cos his genes make him attractive to women.
> And if the woman in question is able to pass those genes on to a son - who can potentially father thousands, in contrast with a daughter who can maybe mother a dozen or so - then her genes will be spread more widely.
> ...



Yep, I've said it many times. Attraction does not care what you or anybody else thinks. It only cares what you feel! The stronger you feel it the more you care. This is why you can be strongly attracted to someone you almost HATE! An Attraction Artist (and those who are just pure naturals at creating attraction) will often use such things to their advantage and purposefully pump emotional states. Even if this means teasing playful banter, and worse "bastard" behavior. I personally believe the more use of "bastard" behavior the less they truly understand attraction.

I have heard horror stories of guy's who go in both gun's blazing in full bastard mode because they have pumped their own emotional states so they can blow out other guys and just DOMINATE everyone and everything in their path. Sure it can work, but OMG who really wants to be that guy at the end of the day, just to get laid? I can hardly imagine anybody would do that trying to create a life-long relationship. I'm sure if he is a cheater on top of all of it, it just adds to his "Bastard-Factor" attraction game.

I'm rather certain if swingers on this forum spoke about their openness you would find out that being open and honest rarely ever killed their attraction levels with anybody. If it did, it was probably with someone they didn't really want as a partner anyways due to miss-match of values. I'm sure its never hurt good ol' Heff.






All that said, Cheaters just kind of suck IMO. Just be honest about it with those you intend on having relationships with. Better to face the music from the start rather than trash someone else's life because you knew all along you were going to do it if the chance came up. If you don't like what that does with people you are courting, maybe you shouldn't court them...or maybe you should stop cheating all together?


----------



## escapist (May 17, 2010)

Crumbling said:


> IME...
> 
> If they call you a "nice guy" to your face and sound like they mean it.
> It's either going nowhere, or if you were already somewhere... you're going to be single inside of a week.
> ...



Freaking hell, I LOVE THAT! Spot on my friend, spot on! 

Usually guy's who are there or are going there forget that she has to feel some attraction for you rather early on. If she doesn't probably best to just move on. Sure sometimes it can be turned around, but not without learning some stuff you obviously missed in the first place. If you don't truly understand attraction, what it is and what it isn't, when you have it and when you don't. You have little chance of knowing how to flip the "reset switch" and start over (which is what you have to do). It is a totally do over, and worse; you now have experiences with her that tell her you are not dating/mate material. That is why its easier to move on.


----------



## Zowie (May 17, 2010)

My first boyfriend was a not-so-nice "nice guy" like in the comic. Anyway, he sent me this at one point, he was paranoid that I'd leave him for some "bad boy".


----------



## escapist (May 17, 2010)

bionic_eggplant said:


> My first boyfriend was a not-so-nice "nice guy" like in the comic. Anyway, he sent me this at one point, he was paranoid that I'd leave him for some "bad boy".



Can we say manipulative, creepy, and insecure? Many people fear the unknown. Sometimes in can become an all-consuming, self-fulfilling, prophecy. I do my best not to voice my insecurities (but nobody is prefect). I just know that letting to much of the seep out can be VERY unattractive.... in fact its more like an Attraction OBLITERATOR! EEK!


----------



## stldpn (May 18, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> That "women want jerks" bs is spewed mostly by weak men who have low self esteem and can't score because they lack confidence, charisma, and strength!!!!



See I take issue with this because, well, I've been thought of as a bastard more than once for all the wrong reasons. I feel that weak men are a byproduct of the feminist revolution. Women scream and pitch fits when men aren't passive(witness any number of threads here on dims where I suggest that I'd rather lead a more traditional life with a wife who considers raising children a full time job), and then all too often they turn around and talk shit about passive men. I don't even want to think about how many times I've seen "nice" equated with boring. It's all very ridiculous. We would pity a woman who panders the same way some of these men do.

I say the key for men is finding a woman who lets them be themselves. Passive or Aggressive. Kind or dastardly. Mostly human.


----------



## Tracii (May 18, 2010)

I was married to one of those "douche nozzles" and to this day I don't regret kicking him to the curb.


----------



## KittyKitten (May 18, 2010)

Also, there are certain woman who go after men with issues in order to CHANGE THEM. They have that maternal instinct and feel sorry for the man and put up with crap hoping he will 'see the light'. LOL. They need to stop being heroines. You can't change a man, he can only change himself. The male equivalent in some circles is called, pardon me, 'Captain Save-a-ho'.


----------



## Zowie (May 18, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> Also, there are certain woman who go after men with issues in order to CHANGE THEM. They have that maternal instinct and feel sorry for the man and put up with crap hoping he will 'see the light'. LOL. They need to stop being heroines. You can't change a man, he can only change himself. The male equivalent in some circles is called, pardon me, 'Captain Save-a-ho'.



Urg, I know too many girls like this. 
"So how's the new boyfriend?"
"Oh, he's nice, but he's clinically psychotic, not taking medication for it, and has a meth problem."

Honest to god, real words from one of my classmates. WHY? The way I see it, there are tons of perfectly healthy, balanced, independent guys around, why do they feel the need to mother someone with baggage?

Hahaha, ATTRACTION OBLITERATOR. It sounds like a super-villain.


----------



## Tad (May 18, 2010)

At some point I clicked, or didnt click, or something, and ended up on the mailing list for dating advice from a guy, I think the name was David Dangelo but I may have it slightly off. He of course is selling a system, but the newsletters gave you the basics, and it came down to:
1) be cocky and funny (but not mean)
2) never woo a woman, that is passing power over to her. Make her earn approval from you instead.
3) always keep in mind that there are plenty of fish in the sea, so never fixate on one who is not interested.

What I found interesting was that a couple of my friends, in their younger days, scored with a lot of women, and that was pretty much their approach. Interesting to me was that none of those women turned into long term relationships for them. Actually one of those guys was not a long ways off from being misogynistic, and I think it helped his game that he didnt really have any interest in impressing women for the long term, because he really didnt care for their company that much outside of bed. He was actually quite honest about what he was looking for, and that seemed to work.

Actually, maybe honesty is the biggest key. I wonder if the defining characteristic of the nice (but not really) guy is the lack of honesty. He acts nice because he thinks that is what will get him what he wants. Wouldnt most people prefer to deal with someone who was honest, even if they werent acting nice? It is like when shopping, do you want the sales person who will tell you whatever they think you want to hear, in order to make a sale, or the one who will actually level with you? Personally once I realize I have one of the former I completely tune them out, and if they are too annoying Ill leave the store just to make sure they dont get a sale off of me.

Im sure there is a lot to having that sort of big, dominating, personality, as Escapist was talking about. But I dont think it is essential in dating. I really think that living with reasonable degrees of honesty about who you are and what you want, having enthusiasm for what brings you joy in life, and being willing to put effort into building a relationship rather than just pleasing the other person should be sufficient for most people. Just based on my experience and observations. No warranty express or implied. YMMV. One size does not fit all.


----------



## Sasquatch! (May 18, 2010)

> One size does not fit all.


I dispute this. Outsize ponchoes.

I find I get on better with women when I'm cocky, though as has been pointed out that adds up to nothing if they don't find you attractive.


----------



## Zowie (May 18, 2010)

Sasquatch! said:


> I dispute this. Outsize ponchoes.



Does anyone wear ponchoes?


----------



## MasterShake (May 18, 2010)

Meh, women are people and people are dumb.


----------



## Lovelyone (May 18, 2010)

RJI said:


> Girls love a "Bad Boy"
> 
> I like to consider myself a nice guy but with an edge and supreme confidence.


 
This coming from a guy who uses the ultimate super villain Heat Miser as his avatar.


----------



## Fat Brian (May 18, 2010)

bionic_eggplant said:


> Does anyone wear ponchoes?



I've worn them, but only one at a time. I have not yet progressed into the multiple poncho club.


----------



## CastingPearls (May 18, 2010)

Everyone seems to be using descriptives like 'strong personality', 'dominant', 'bad naughty boy' etc. but there are quite a few bastards out there who are sneaky cowardly egg-sucking weasels. While a bastard may be desirable sexually or evolutionarily (iz that a wurd?) that's one gene-pool polluter that defies comprehension.


----------



## furious styles (May 18, 2010)

ambitious girls like a challenge.


----------



## joswitch (May 18, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Everyone seems to be using descriptives like 'strong personality', 'dominant', 'bad naughty boy' etc. but there are quite a few bastards out there who are *sneaky cowardly egg-sucking weasels*. While a bastard may be desirable sexually or evolutionarily (iz that a wurd?) that's one gene-pool polluter that defies comprehension.



I like to imagine that you're wearing a big black ten gallon hat, loading your rifle and squinting into the sun while you mutter "sneaky cowardly egg-sucking weasels"... made me lol!


----------



## escapist (May 18, 2010)

joswitch said:


> I like to imagine that you're wearing a big black ten gallon hat, loading your rifle and squinting into the sun while you mutter "sneaky cowardly egg-sucking weasels"... made me lol!



"yup, you got that right partner." 



bionic_eggplant said:


> Hahaha, ATTRACTION OBLITERATOR. It sounds like a super-villain.



I was thinking more like a Super Cool Manga Weapon, "Hahahah, you will never survive a blast from my ATTRACTION OBLITERATOR CANNON!"



Tad said:


> ....Uhh, all the stuff you said...



Yeah so I'm sure a lot of what I say sounds familiar to you then. David DeAngela is one of the Attraction Guru's that I most closely identify with. We have very different personalities, and he has a far more dry style of comedy. He has certainly inspired a lot of my own methods and thoughts on the whole matter. I'd say the biggest one was. Work on yourself, don't work on women. When I do a class, a workshop, and whatnot, one of the first things I start with is "Who do you want to be". Most guys don't want to be a bastard (some really don't care). Some guys don't even realize they aren't even being the man they want to be. They know what they identify as strong honorable traits but then don't even try to live up to them. Its to easy to get caught up in the grind of having a job, going to school, or whatever else.

"2) never woo a woman, that is passing power over to her. Make her earn approval from you instead."

Just to clarify, he's not talking about being an A'hole who sets up a series of test and crap. He really means, just don't be needy and approval seeking yourself. He's not talking about when you have that attraction and love building that you shouldn't take her on a date, and get her gifts. He only means don't use those methods to create attraction, because "Stuff" will not make someone love you. I've actually had more than one person try that approach on me, and yeah....its not cute or attractive.


----------------

To others who have commented about cocky comedy, yeah if you can figure out what it really is and how it really works without hurting someones feelings it can be a Magic Bullet. Not to mention it really is just fun to be out, having a very attractive woman on your arm, and her busting as she enjoy's your personality and sense of humor.


----------



## Crumbling (May 18, 2010)

joswitch said:


> I like to imagine that you're wearing a big black ten gallon hat, loading your rifle and squinting into the sun while you mutter "sneaky cowardly egg-sucking weasels"... made me lol!



Conventions of the genre would dictate that only "sneaky cowardly egg-sucking weasels" wear the black hats.

S.


----------



## CastingPearls (May 18, 2010)

Crumbling said:


> Conventions of the genre would dictate that only "sneaky cowardly egg-sucking weasels" wear the black hats.
> 
> S.


Mine would prolly be pink but I'd definitely be wearing spurs.


----------



## TheMildlyStrangeone (May 19, 2010)

More often than not, I hear this complaint levied by guys who are simply too passive or just have a poor personality. It's just like the whole "she must not like me because I am fat". Thinking that the reason she rejected you because you are just a "nice guy" is purely a cop-out. Nice guys get women all the time! There's a difference, however, between being nice and not having a backbone. 

I think disparities in gender roles gives the upper hand to the more assertive guy. 

***Warning: generalizations ahead!!***

Women want a go-getter. Throughout evolution, the man who provided for his family, was the preferred choice of mate.In nature, we see the Alpha male of a pack always has his pick of mate. A guy who is just willing to be pushed around or not speak up for himself is unlikely to offer the better opportunity for survival. Of course, as we evolve further away from a hunter-gatherer lifestyle and the equality gap closes (albeit extremely slowly), the gender roles of dominance and submission might change what mates are more attractive. 

Lastly, nice guys can woo a potential mate. I have a great friend who is a painfully shy guy,and not-so-coincidentally, very nice. He has been in a relationship with a girl for several years. He attracted her because he was a nice guy. She is the more dominant one in the relationship but it works for them.


----------



## gobettiepurple (May 19, 2010)

*Maybe I should become a matchmaker for the corpulent . . . It seems that there is so much talk of relationships in every corner of this forum, that perhaps I should take my skill with people and turn it into a business.

I have always felt that I would become interested in being attached when the right attachment came along . . . i.e. a guy that was actually interested in my brain and wanted a meaningful relationships [being catholic wouldn't hurt]. 

At least in my experience, I want someone that actually asks me to dance, buys me a drink and will actually call just because they are interested in hearing my voice . . . three things that have NEVER .happened to me, but at the same time they show that a guy is willing and interested in me as a women. 

"All nice girls love a bastard" because the bastard actually pursues them. I have found that nice guys are typically waiting in the wings for someone else to do the work, i.e. the girl - men complain about women having all the power, but in truth you gave us this power by requiring us to do all the work, make the dinner plans, decided what movie to see, when to be in contact, "here's my phone number, give me a call . . . " 

My grandparents were married for a million years and he sent her love letters from the korean war during their courtship so she would not "forget him" . . . i cant imagine any of my male friends or cousins or my brother ever doing that for their girlfriends or being romantic in any sense of the word. Romance is probably the wrong word, but sincere affection and interest are hard to come by these days as everyone second guesses each other in an attempt to give themselves the upper hand in the relationship.

I am an independent women, but at the same time, I am still a women and I am worthy of someone's time in courtship . . . [Did that sound too old fashioned?  because I am beginning to think that they just dont make men like they used to, which is kind of a loss for us ladies.]*


----------



## spiritangel (May 19, 2010)

gobettiepurple said:


> *
> 
> 
> "All nice girls love a bastard" because the bastard actually pursues them. I have found that nice guys are typically waiting in the wings for someone else to do the work, i.e. the girl - men complain about women having all the power, but in truth you gave us this power by requiring us to do all the work, make the dinner plans, decided what movie to see, when to be in contact, "here's my phone number, give me a call . . . "
> ...




that is often very true, and also sometimes the bastards (guess for me being an Aussie I have always thought bastard to be a bad thing, and it isnt about having a backbone ect rather CP's description) are good at disguising themselves my ex is the perfect example of that, I dont want to have to do all the work, I mean I will work at the romance ect but want you to as well, Think we put to much emphasis on power and who has it what happened to things being a partnership, to both people contributing?, and I guess I am somewhat old fashioned at heart, I want a guy to ask me out and persue me a bit show me hes interested.


----------



## Zowie (May 19, 2010)

Sorry, I was doodling to kill time, and this came out, though I would share. And Pearl, sorry, I know it doesn't look like you, but you still got a pink hat?


----------



## CastingPearls (May 19, 2010)

bionic_eggplant said:


> Sorry, I was doodling to kill time, and this came out, though I would share. And Pearl, sorry, I know it doesn't look like you, but you still got a pink hat?


That is just too awesome! Thank you!!


----------



## LovesBigMen (May 19, 2010)

gobettiepurple said:


> *
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Well I had written alot and then I pressed something and it all deleted I was like Dx.
But I will say this WOW very well put. Guys always seem at least the guys I like the nice ones always want the girl to do everything ask them out call them. I want a guy to call me I am not some clingy women who is always calling and texting the guy. But you basicly said it all very well and I don't want to re type all I had written hahaha.:happy:


----------



## Zowie (May 20, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> That is just too awesome! Thank you!!



Hahaha, you're welcome.


----------



## FishCharming (May 20, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> Not really. I think many women love a man who is strong, confident, protective of his woman, and who is sure of himself.
> 
> That "women want jerks" bs is spewed mostly by weak men who have low self esteem and can't score because they lack confidence, charisma, and strength!!!!
> 
> It is true many young girls go for the truly bad boys, but a lot of women grow out of that stuff.



i have noticed that the more mature ladies, ie the ones i'm actually interested in, all have decent guys. it's the vapid little girls that run around with assholes.

and as for being a bastard... i'm usually a nice guy until someone attempts to take advantage of me, then i let slip the bastards of war =) 

i noticed that this happens mostly with the attractive young women i work with. they look at me and assume that a smile and a little bit of flirting and they have their own puppy dog slave but it usually ends up with me laughing in their face which shakes their self-esteem and has had the opposite effect on a few occasions.


----------



## Melian (May 20, 2010)

Late to this thread...but yeah, I love a bastard.

The best guys are the ones who are sweet to me, but total pieces of shit to everyone else - I find them very entertaining and endearing. I love a guy who will:

- take me to a movie and throw garbage at children (in the dark, when they can't pinpoint his whereabouts).

- piss on a sleeping hobo for my amusement.

- invite friends over for the sole purpose of schooling them at every fighting game we own, and then mock them until they leave.

Etc etc. I have nothing in common with overly nice guys


----------



## BigChaz (May 20, 2010)

Melian said:


> - piss on a sleeping hobo for my amusement.





I hope the hobo throws poop, cause damn


----------



## stldpn (May 20, 2010)

BigChaz said:


> I hope the hobo throws poop, cause damn



hobos are nasty... We used to have a homeless guy who would come in the receiving doors and take a shit on the parquet mosaic in the lobby at least once a week.


----------



## WillSpark (May 20, 2010)

Melian said:


> Late to this thread...but yeah, I love a bastard.
> 
> The best guys are the ones who are sweet to me, but total pieces of shit to everyone else - I find them very entertaining and endearing. I love a guy who will:
> 
> ...



Hey, I's like to think we have some stuff in common, or do you only like me for my douche-posts?


----------



## joswitch (May 20, 2010)

stldpn said:


> hobos are nasty... We used to have a homeless guy who would come in the receiving doors and take a shit on the parquet mosaic in the lobby at least once a week.



that's hobo vengeance on the world...


----------



## stldpn (May 20, 2010)

joswitch said:


> that's hobo vengeance on the world...



It was bad, because my receptionist could always see him coming but the way we were set up there was no way to get a male out there to oust him before he could drop trow and do his thing.


----------



## veil (May 20, 2010)

joswitch said:


> that's hobo vengeance on the world...



ha, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

when life gives you nothing but shit... make more shit!


----------



## veil (May 20, 2010)

i think a lot of the "women go for bastards" is a rephrasing of "nice guys finish last," neither of which i personally believe.

yes, i have female friends who always go for the alcoholic jackass--but not because he's a bastard. you see, he's a sweet man deep down inside and only love can save him!

i also have male friends who go for the self destructive dramatic types--again, they think that through thought, word or deed they can SAVE their beloved.

honestly, this kind of thinking--for men or women--is actually far more selfish than it is self sacrificing. it hinges on the concept that YOU and only YOU can save or damn your partner. it turns the drama from whatever their issues are to one's own need for approval.

i personally would rather have neither the nice guy nor the bastard--give me a well-rounded (tee hee) self aware guy, who probably has issues but sees & works on them with as much effort as i exert on my own.

AAAANYWAY this comic is still funny to me:


----------



## Bearsy (May 21, 2010)

I've been tinkering with my persona recently and I've tried acting slightly cold with the women in my life. Not specifically mean, but just cooler... sort of backhanded compliments here and there.
I've found it actually has had a positive effect and I've been receiving a good bit more attention from the ladies I've been brash to.
I guess it's true.


----------



## chicken legs (May 21, 2010)

I totally crush on "nice guys" who have the ability to be "bastards" in bed.


----------



## escapist (May 21, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> I totally crush on "nice guys" who have the ability to be "bastards" in bed.



:blush: Its okay babe, I have a total crush on "cute women" who have the abillity to be cute & sexy in bed. :wubu: :happy:


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 21, 2010)

stldpn said:


> hobos are nasty... We used to have a homeless guy who would come in the receiving doors and take a shit on the parquet mosaic in the lobby at least once a week.


 
Well, that guy was nasty, at least.

My experience with "hobos" (you know, actually working with them) is that they are people (you know, like you and I) who simply lack, or lost, basic coping skills and no longer have the resources or ability to get their lives back on track without a lot of help. A significant percentage of them, by the way, are war veterans.

But yeah, it's easier to consider them non-people and to just piss on them or, marginally better, to just look through them as we step around them. Doesn't require any kind of empathy, a working conscience, or humility.


----------



## joswitch (May 21, 2010)

veil said:


> ha, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
> 
> when life gives you nothing but shit... make more shit!



Exactly! lolz!

And I can see that POV.... something like this...

"I got no food, no home, no money, nowhere to wash, everyone looks down on me... but THEY got a damn parquet mosaic floor in that nice warm lobby they won't let me sleep in! Damnit! .... oh wait... I got a nice '**** you!' for them right here!"


----------



## stldpn (May 21, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> Well, that guy was nasty, at least.
> 
> My experience with "hobos" (you know, actually working with them) is that they are people (you know, like you and I) who simply lack, or lost, basic coping skills and no longer have the resources or ability to get their lives back on track without a lot of help. A significant percentage of them, by the way, are war veterans.
> 
> But yeah, it's easier to consider them non-people and to just piss on them or, marginally better, to just look through them as we step around them. Doesn't require any kind of empathy, a working conscience, or humility.



seriously, I understand that hobos are people. I also understand the reason that many hobos are hobos not just because they have substance abuse issues or a traumatic past but because they have anti social tendencies. And as much as you might want to excuse it. Some of it really is sheer petulence that amounts to me taking the time to go to them and ask them not to sleep (and if it were just sleeping that would one thing but you do know what a bum's nest looks like right?) and shit behind the dumpster I'm responsible for maintaining, so of course, unable to comply with a reasonable request they decide to shit on my lobby floor over and over again.. 

I can't have pity for individuals like that... and if they don't understand why I shouldn't be responsible for cleaning up their bottles, boxes and carts their issues with society in general are what landed them in that position in the first place.


----------



## joswitch (May 21, 2010)

.... decided to move it to Hyde Park....


----------



## stldpn (May 21, 2010)

joswitch said:


> .... and I thought I was kinda joking about "hobo vengeance" ... Now I see the motive!
> 
> Yeahhh... god forbid anyone should sully a place where "decent" people throw away their garbage! That would be awful! /sarcasm
> 
> ...



seriously how is it my fucking fault that they don't have their shit together? I pay my taxes. Then I turn around and pay property taxes to counties and cities. I go to work. I give a cash donation to the local Catholic shelter. 

IC the reason why you don't respect a property owner's rights is because you don't own property.

If you owned a piece of property and gypsies came in and started parking on it. And they trashed it. Started dumping their waste tanks on the ground etc. It would piss you off.

If you were moored up and someone you didn't know entered your boat. Would you call the cops? He's just sitting there shitting on the deck... He didn't do anything to you though. Would you be pissed that someone had so little respect for themselves and others that they would expect you to clean up after them? Because that's what a lot of homeless people do. If you want to live outside of the bounds of society you shouldn't expect special consideration. If I have to follow the law, you do too. If people don't like the rules maybe they should do something about them that doesn't indicate a complete disregard.

The motive had to do with the fact that the guy was selfish prick. 

PS At the time I was a doctor and a member of a clinic. And seriously, wtf is wrong with you if you really think that I should take time out of my day to clean up after someone who does nothing but take advantage of my business?


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 21, 2010)

stldpn said:


> seriously how is it my fucking fault that they don't have their shit together? I pay my taxes. Then I turn around and pay property taxes to counties and cities. I go to work. I give a cash donation to the local Catholic shelter.
> 
> IC the reason why you don't respect a property owner's rights is because you don't own property.
> 
> ...


 
You absolutely, completely, but unsurprisingly missed my point altogether.

You generalized about "hobos" based on the actions of one (presumably) homeless man who, as I mentioned in my initial post, was clearly something of an ass. 

I own property. I'd be plenty pissed if someone broke into my house and took a dump on the floor. Hell, I'd be pissed at the breaking in part, even if they did so in order to BRING me a plasma TV, brand new furniture, AND they'd hired a maid to clean the place up. This wasn't -- at all -- about property ownership and ownership rights. 

It was, and is, about ugly generalizations.


----------



## joswitch (May 21, 2010)

I thought that rather than derail this thread further it'd be cool to take it over here:
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=72959

I've posted my response to stldpn over there...





stldpn said:


> seriously how is it my fucking fault that they don't have their shit together? *snip*


----------



## WillSpark (May 21, 2010)

So, ladies, the nice ones, do you find any of that arguement above this attractive?

If not, I suppose that disproves the thread, huh?


----------



## stldpn (May 21, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> You absolutely, completely, but unsurprisingly missed my point altogether.
> 
> You generalized about "hobos" based on the actions of one (presumably) homeless man who, as I mentioned in my initial post, was clearly something of an ass.
> 
> ...



I actually responded to joswich who did in fact address property rights in his post (ie those rich bastards on the river who ask boaters to follow rules god forbid we take into account the huge impact fees those "rich bastards" probably pay just to live on the river) about how incredibly insensitive it was for me to tell that drunk piece of shit to move his nest and his elimination activity off my property.


----------



## Wanderer (May 22, 2010)

Lost my first girlfriend to a guy with anger management issues I could see from a mile off... because he reminded me of my father in that respect. But then, it was pretty obvious even at the time.

See, when my first girlfriend and I got together, we were both social outcasts. She had a scar on her chin and wore out-of-style clothes and liked Brtiish TV shows. I read a lot, wore out-of-style clothes and liked British TV shows. We BOTH wore glasses. And we soon discovered that my kisses, even as chaste as she insisted on being, could curl her toes.

And then we got caught. Right in the middle of one of our "secret" kisses (which was a secret only because nobody was trying to find out), we suddenly discovered they'd finally replaced the light bulb in one floor indicator of the darkened elevator. Suddenly, all the people who'd been trying to figure out who was kissing knew entirely too well.

Well, you know the old gag as well as I did. If a boy and a girl, both social outcasts, are seen kissing, the GIRL is going to become more popular, since everyone figures... you can say it with me if you want... "she must be easy". (She wasn't, of course -- she wouldn't even let me kiss her on the lips -- but it drew attention to her DD bustline as well.)

Inside of a week, I got the "I think we should see other people" speech.

Inside of a month, she'd found someone, and I quote her, "less mature". (She wanted more danger in her life, and strong, supportive types didn't feel dangerous enough.)

These days, thankfully, she's married (to someone that isn't the bastard she left me for) and doing fine. But it was still annoying.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (May 23, 2010)

Tracii said:


> I was married to one of those "douche nozzles" and to this day I don't regret kicking him to the curb.



This reminded me of how my ex-husband used to spend a lot of time trying to convince that I left a real prince behind......


----------



## escapist (May 24, 2010)

Wanderer said:


> Lost my first girlfriend to a guy with anger management issues I could see from a mile off... because he reminded me of my father in that respect. But then, it was pretty obvious even at the time.
> 
> See, when my first girlfriend and I got together, we were both social outcasts. She had a scar on her chin and wore out-of-style clothes and liked Brtiish TV shows. I read a lot, wore out-of-style clothes and liked British TV shows. We BOTH wore glasses. And we soon discovered that my kisses, even as chaste as she insisted on being, could curl her toes.
> 
> ...



Ouch, well all I can say is sometimes people are just drawn to the warm end of the pool where they feel they can have more excitement. Guys snake other guys girls all the time by pumping there emotional state higher than the guy they are with. I've done it, I've seen it done, and I've had it done too me. Its not always on a conscious level, sometimes the other guy really is just funnier or whatever. When your actually together and they mean to do it...uh yeah, BASTARD! Granted there are plenty of people who believe that unless there is a ring on it, it ain't yours yet. I wonder how Gene Simmons feels about that  (for those who don't know: the lead singer of KISS doesn't believe in marriage).


----------



## veil (May 24, 2010)

escapist said:


> Ouch, well all I can say is sometimes people are just drawn to the warm end of the pool where they feel they can have more excitement. Guys snake other guys girls all the time by pumping there emotional state higher than the guy they are with. I've done it, I've seen it done, and I've had it done too me. Its not always on a conscious level, sometimes the other guy really is just funnier or whatever. When your actually together and they mean to do it...uh yeah, BASTARD! Granted there are plenty of people who believe that unless there is a ring on it, it ain't yours yet. I wonder how Gene Simmons feels about that  (for those who don't know: the lead singer of KISS doesn't believe in marriage).



doesn't believe in marriage, oh YEAH? well then how does he explain wedding rings?? huh? HUH?


----------



## WillSpark (May 24, 2010)

veil said:


> doesn't believe in marriage, oh YEAH? well then how does he explain wedding rings?? huh? HUH?



It's part of his faith. You can't disprove marraige!


----------



## Wanderer (May 27, 2010)

escapist said:


> Ouch, well all I can say is sometimes people are just drawn to the warm end of the pool where they feel they can have more excitement. Guys snake other guys girls all the time by pumping there emotional state higher than the guy they are with. I've done it, I've seen it done, and I've had it done too me. Its not always on a conscious level, sometimes the other guy really is just funnier or whatever. When your actually together and they mean to do it...uh yeah, BASTARD! Granted there are plenty of people who believe that unless there is a ring on it, it ain't yours yet. I wonder how Gene Simmons feels about that  (for those who don't know: the lead singer of KISS doesn't believe in marriage).



Eh. I loved her, don't get me wrong, but she was never that into me anyway. Admittedly, I was doing my level best to get carried away with her (though I still consider my sister unkind for calling me her "stalker", since most of my social contact with her was by phone... and she wasn't shoving me away in the elevator, thanks), and she knew her dad hated me, not to mention she wouldn't even allow me to kiss her on the lips... so it's not like I lost a LOT when she left. But she WAS my first girlfriend, so it DID hurt at the time.

Nah, we had one of those "mature" breakups. You know, the nice, polite, quiet ones where you act very grown-up while your stomach ties itself in knots and your heart breaks. (Issues? Naaaaah...)


----------



## escapist (May 27, 2010)

Wanderer said:


> Eh. I loved her, don't get me wrong, but she was never that into me anyway. Admittedly, I was doing my level best to get carried away with her (though I still consider my sister unkind for calling me her "stalker", since most of my social contact with her was by phone... and she wasn't shoving me away in the elevator, thanks), and she knew her dad hated me, not to mention she wouldn't even allow me to kiss her on the lips... so it's not like I lost a LOT when she left. But she WAS my first girlfriend, so it DID hurt at the time.
> 
> Nah, we had one of those "mature" breakups. You know, the nice, polite, quiet ones where you act very grown-up while your stomach ties itself in knots and your heart breaks. (Issues? Naaaaah...)



Man, I had a girl kind of like that in high school. She even told me she dated me because i was "The Bad Boy" and her parents would not approve. There were things about her that were absolutely fantastic, and there were things that really weren't so great. Like you I think I was better off in the end after we broke up. 

The only mature thought I had at the time was relationships can hurt, so I might as well get used to it. Most people tend to come and go, few ever stay for long. The ones who you cultivate real trust and loyalty with are more precious than gold and diamonds.

Oh PS... Boundaries are fine when they make sense like, "Don't kiss me on the lips I have Face Herpes", or "I have phobia of getting face Herpes". If she's doing it just to be a controlling B1^@h! well then, yeah; who really needs anybody like that anyways?


----------



## Wanderer (Jun 4, 2010)

escapist said:


> Man, I had a girl kind of like that in high school. She even told me she dated me because i was "The Bad Boy" and her parents would not approve. There were things about her that were absolutely fantastic, and there were things that really weren't so great. Like you I think I was better off in the end after we broke up.
> 
> The only mature thought I had at the time was relationships can hurt, so I might as well get used to it. Most people tend to come and go, few ever stay for long. The ones who you cultivate real trust and loyalty with are more precious than gold and diamonds.



Amen to that. It's just that I tend to go for the smart, funny girls... and of course, they're not only rare, but usually taken by one of the millions of other guys out there.



> Oh PS... Boundaries are fine when they make sense like, "Don't kiss me on the lips I have Face Herpes", or "I have phobia of getting face Herpes". If she's doing it just to be a controlling B1^@h! well then, yeah; who really needs anybody like that anyways?



Heh.  She simply considered kissing on the lips to be, as some people put it, "Teh Serious", and she wasn't ready for that level of commitment. The first time I ever suggested it, her eyes got so round, you'd've thought I was asking for a quickie.


----------



## shhtx1970 (Jun 5, 2010)

Some of the posts made me laugh some sad but overall everyone understands the point. Neither sex will ever understand the other sex and that people are irrational no matter what logic you try to use.

I was the nice guy that listens, and I still do listen but now with sarcastic responds. When women say blah blah, I just nod, and say 'ok' or 'wow', depending on how many words I actually listen. I call it selective listening, if she says something important - wow, else its ok. I do not add emotion or excitement just plain 'ok'. Honestly, I do care to hear stupid crap so why pay attention. Now, if she were honest and just say I think your sex, I pay attention and listen more but usually its more along the lines, 'You have a shoulder I can cry on, let me spill my problems on you.'

I am looking for a relationship but I am tired of playing games and dealing with the BS that women WANT in a man, because most women force men to accept them for who they are and want to change a man, but if you try to change a woman; WHOA on to you. I tried the change thing only to be broken hearted so that doesnt really work. Just be yourself and honest, if you like her tell her if you dont like her, then dont. And ladies stop trying to change a man, do you like men to change you?


----------



## JenFromOC (Jun 5, 2010)

shhtx1970 said:


> Some of the posts made me laugh some sad but overall everyone understands the point. Neither sex will ever understand the other sex and that people are irrational no matter what logic you try to use.
> 
> I was the nice guy that listens, and I still do listen but now with sarcastic responds. When women say blah blah, I just nod, and say 'ok' or 'wow', depending on how many words I actually listen. I call it selective listening, if she says something important - wow, else its ok. I do not add emotion or excitement just plain 'ok'. Honestly, I do care to hear stupid crap so why pay attention. Now, if she were honest and just say I think your sex, I pay attention and listen more but usually its more along the lines, 'You have a shoulder I can cry on, let me spill my problems on you.'
> 
> I am looking for a relationship but I am tired of playing games and dealing with the BS that women WANT in a man, because most women force men to accept them for who they are and want to change a man, but if you try to change a woman; WHOA on to you. I tried the change thing only to be broken hearted so that doesnt really work. Just be yourself and honest, if you like her tell her if you dont like her, then dont. And ladies stop trying to change a man, do you like men to change you?



LOL...what? I bet women are lined up outside your door. Sounds like you need a hug.


----------



## Joe944 (Jun 5, 2010)

I'm definitely a bastard. But a nice bastard.


----------



## Lamia (Jun 5, 2010)

I guess it all depends on what you consider to be positive qualities in someone as to whether you think they're nice or not. 

I had a friend who had a boyfried who was clean cut, always wore his seat belt and lectured about safety. He would never raise a hand to anyone. He was religious and pious. He was also a controlling prick. He considered himself a nice guy and good, yet he would try to limit her access to friends and family. He forbid her to eat or drink certain things. As far as I was concerned he was the biggest bastard I'd ever seen. 

I have another friend has a boyfriend who is sort of scary looking, in trouble with the law at times and get into a lot of fights at bars. He treats her with respect, takes his turn at dishes, and values her input and conversation. I think he's a really nice guy, but he scowls when I say that.


----------



## Joe944 (Jun 5, 2010)

I never understood the need to be all controlling like that. I know guys pull that crap and it truly boggles my mind.


----------



## djudex (Jun 5, 2010)

I think I'm more of a cheeky monkey than a bastard.


----------



## rellis10 (Jun 5, 2010)

Joe944 said:


> I never understood the need to be all controlling like that. I know guys pull that crap and it truly boggles my mind.



I totally agree with you here. I cant get my head round the motives for holding back a partner from what they want to do. If you are in a relationship i believe there must be trust and respect there, acting so protectively just ignores that trust.

I'd like to think i'm a nice guy. I'v done things i regret but in the grand scheme of things i'm not angry, violent, bad-mouthed, abusive....or generally bastard-ish. I very very rarely have arguments, i cant remember a time when i'v truly raised my voice in anger, i'm respectful (as much as possible) to everybody i meet. The only bad things i can think of is a little grumpiness and it takes alot to get to me trust people.

I hate to admit it (it sounds a little arrogant which i dont like one bit) but i dont know a person that dislikes me.


----------



## KotR (Jun 5, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> I totally crush on "nice guys" who have the ability to be "bastards" in bed.



My sense of humor is largely sarcastic, so at times I can come off as a douche if someone doesn't immediately realize I'm joking. I'd like to think I'm good about with my tone.

In any event, with context of the quote, with the girlfriend I had recently we were just chilling in her bed after some hanky-panky. Her head is on my upper arm/shoulder, with my other hand just kinda lazily tracing over her closest arm.

She's like, "I wanna go again, but I need to be up early for work..." I'm like, "In that case..." and start fondling her some. She playfully protests, using both her hands to keep my hand away from her while I'm making jokes about "the claw" wanting to do various things to her.

After a couple minutes of this, I pause while she's still holding my hand away. "There's something about the claw very few know about," I began, "And it's that he has a brother~" At this point, it's just me ruefully overpowering her while having her laughing and hearing her complain about getting turned on.

"But you have to get up in the morning," I reminded, and got dressed to go home. :x

If I knew she was gonna do more than just lay there, I probably would've stayed. We'd done it about 5 or 6 times at that point, and that was pretty much all she did. I broke it off with her for different reasons, but I won't lie in saying it wasn't a factor.


----------



## escapist (Jun 7, 2010)

Lamia said:


> I guess it all depends on what you consider to be positive qualities in someone as to whether you think they're nice or not.
> 
> I had a friend who had a boyfried who was clean cut, always wore his seat belt and lectured about safety. He would never raise a hand to anyone. He was religious and pious. He was also a controlling prick. He considered himself a nice guy and good, yet he would try to limit her access to friends and family. He forbid her to eat or drink certain things. As far as I was concerned he was the biggest bastard I'd ever seen.
> 
> *I have another friend has a boyfriend who is sort of scary looking, in trouble with the law at times and get into a lot of fights at bars. He treats her with respect, takes his turn at dishes, and values her input and conversation. I think he's a really nice guy, but he scowls when I say that. *



ROFL sounds like me! I hate it when my friends tell girls I'm a "Nice Guy" lol. I to tend to forget that to most people I'm a giant and intimidating to look at especially if I'm not smiling.

------------------------------------------------------------
KotR - I don't think thats what she means.


----------



## shhtx1970 (Jun 8, 2010)

Dennis Leary's song, "I'm an asshole" comes to mind when I think of myself. No, I am not self-destructive or that but I am tired of playing the nice guy. I have gotten to the point where if a woman (not a girl) and are talking and she is into me, I do my best to respect her and what she wants but at the same time I hope the same from her does not happen. What does frustrate me is when she is just playing me to bide time till someone else comes along. I guess here in Texas its just messed up, sadly my bad luck has affected my way of thinking and do not get out enough. I now just focus on living and that's it.

I guess I am last of my kind at times, I mean I grew up thinking truth, respect, honor, committment, dedication, and everything a person is suppose to do was a common thing but it is not. Everyone seems to have a personal agenda, we are brained washed that a couple is 50-50, he said-she said is wrong because no one cares what he said; she is right, men are pigs, men choose women that are like their mommas, men can not survive without a woman, etc. I guess being a man who has values, honesty, respect, honor, and everything good is wrong because there is nothing wrong them and nothing to be fixed or changed. 
Is it wrong to think a relationship 100-100 from each person?
Is it wrong to respect a woman/man and allow them to do things they like to do?
Is it wrong to be honest and up front to say, "I just want to be friends." rather than drag out a false relationship because you are waiting for something better?
Ever wonder why some marriages last so long? Maybe its because old fashion values actually work? Maybe its because the couple BUILD the relationship together? They change each other when each other understands why they need to change?


----------



## Delineator (Jun 24, 2010)

joswitch said:


> Why would women want a bloke who cheats? ....
> 
> Evolutionary theory says it's cos his genes make him attractive to women.
> And if the woman in question is able to pass those genes on to a son - who can potentially father thousands, in contrast with a daughter who can maybe mother a dozen or so - then her genes will be spread more widely.
> ...




This is true.

But, I'll go further.

Physical attractiveness(implicit of genetic quality) is of singular importance to short-term mating agendas(ie. casual sex).

So, in any mating system that tends (increasingly) to casual sex, short-term mating competencies will enjoy (increasingly!) high selective value.

What this means, is that any male trait(delinquency, abusiveness, sociopathy, etc) which expedites polygynous sexual traffic(inclusive of relationship turnover) will prove adaptive(and receive a corresponding fitness advantage).

Conversely, any male trait which hinders polygynous sexual traffic, will prove maladaptive(and receve a corresponding fitness handicap).

Evolution will thus limit the frequency of the latter(to the point of rarity), given a relative fitness disadvantage - you don't have to like it, but that's the way it works.

Males have a higher optimal mating rate(given that females are reproductively limiting).

So, theoretically all males are a high extra-pair risk, *given the opportunity*.

But, in practice, these opportunities are not equally distributed(given grater female selectivity).

Thus, the typical guy just isn't physically attractive enough to leverage their higher optimal mating rate into short-term mating opportunities.

So, the irony is, that women are selecting for males who are *predictably* high-risk, and then complaining about it.

I honestly don't know why this is so controversial - if one looks closely, they'll see that a small mating population of hyper-attractive males are monopolizing(or circulating between, if you prefer) a very large population of women(with a significant proportion of men largely left out in the cold).

Such imbalances are precisely what sexual evolution predicts in populations that have achieved a critical density of economic prosperity(to marginalize the selective advantages of paternal investment, and long-term mating).

Of course, such a dynamic has interesting(dire?) consequences for the near fate of human systems.


----------



## taobear (Jul 2, 2010)

Sasquatch! said:


> Not at all copy and pasted from another thread here :happy:
> 
> What's your experience with this phenomenon?
> Ever been turned down in favour of a bastard?
> ...



I have seen this all my life because I'm the nice guy I have picked up the pieces of broken hearts only to watch them run off with another one or better yet the same one, only to be abused and miss treated again. I understand the problem. It's the alpha male thing. If they treat you like they don't need you it makes them all the more attractive. If you treat them with respect, affection and genuine care, you must be desperate. So it's a vicious circle. and men fall for this too it's just more pronounced in the male user side, because men are more aggressive. I on the other hand don't feel the need to take out my frustration on someone else unless You are abusing your power. That's when I get angry and I take it to the abuser. 
Sorry this is something I'm very passionate about. I have worked at church that had a home for abused women. It broke my heart. I have always prided myself on being a gentleman and it seems to do nothing but work against me.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 2, 2010)

taobear said:


> I have seen this all my life because I'm the nice guy I have picked up the pieces of broken hearts only to watch them run off with another one or better yet the same one, only to be abused and miss treated again. I understand the problem. It's the alpha male thing. If they treat you like they don't need you it makes them all the more attractive. If you treat them with respect, affection and genuine care, you must be desperate. So it's a vicious circle. and men fall for this too it's just more pronounced in the male user side, because men are more aggressive. I on the other hand don't feel the need to take out my frustration on someone else unless You are abusing your power. That's when I get angry and I take it to the abuser.
> Sorry this is something I'm very passionate about. I have worked at church that had a home for abused women. It broke my heart. I have always prided myself on being a gentleman and it seems to do nothing but work against me.



This is all about physical attractiveness.

Like my post speaks to, there are evolutionary reasons why physically attractive males will tend towards what you would characterize as 'abuse'.

So, we are not observing a tendency for women to favor abusive men per se, but rather a tendency for women to favor physically attractive males.


----------



## chicken legs (Jul 2, 2010)

Delineator said:


> So, the irony is, that women are selecting for males who are *predictably* high-risk, and then complaining about it.



Genghis Khan comes to mind.


----------



## WillSpark (Jul 3, 2010)

Delineator said:


> This is all about physical attractiveness.
> 
> Like my post speaks to, there are evolutionary reasons why physically attractive males will tend towards what you would characterize as 'abuse'.
> 
> So, we are not observing a tendency for women to favor abusive men per se, but rather a tendency for women to favor physically attractive males.



I can only agree with this to a point. It isn't always about physical attractiveness. Sometimes it's about other personality points, like (over)confidence and pride that, while seemingly great qualities at first, become abusive in a relationship. This may or may not actually have to do with the physical attractiveness of the individual.


----------



## taobear (Jul 4, 2010)

Delineator said:


> This is all about physical attractiveness.
> 
> Like my post speaks to, there are evolutionary reasons why physically attractive males will tend towards what you would characterize as 'abuse'.
> 
> So, we are not observing a tendency for women to favor abusive men per se, but rather a tendency for women to favor physically attractive males.



So abusive men are Physically more attractive?


----------



## CastingPearls (Jul 4, 2010)

taobear said:


> So abusive men are Physically more attractive?


No, abusive men can also be ugly as fuck.


----------



## taobear (Jul 4, 2010)

LOL Then why do women go for it??


----------



## CastingPearls (Jul 4, 2010)

taobear said:


> LOL Then why do women go for it??


Beats the hell out of me. Oooops...could have used better phrasing there....


----------



## taobear (Jul 4, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Beats the hell out of me. Oooops...could have used better phrasing there....



LOL I'm gonna buy me a wife beater T-shirt tomorrow. LOL


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jul 4, 2010)

I've never been with an abusive male and I doubt I ever will. I've been around them too often that I know the signs and would kick dude's ass to the curb at the very first sign of trouble. My friends have noted in the past how awesome the guys I went out with were and how they wished they could find a guy like those. Funny thing is... how they were in public was 3 times better in private. 

So no... not all the women love abusive men, but a lot do. And it becomes something that you make a pattern out of. So many people around me have the "battered wife syndrome" and it's a damn shame they let themselves fall into that.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 4, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> No, abusive men can also be ugly as fuck.




Yes, they *can* be.

The difference is, that abusive tendencies are adaptive in physically attractive males, so evolution will tend to increase their relative frequency.

So, yeah, physically attractive males will tend overwhelmingly to the whole male 'abuser' archetype.

Anecdotal evidence can't dispute this.

You don't have to like it, but that's the way evolution works.


----------



## chicken legs (Jul 4, 2010)

Delineator said:


> Yes, they *can* be.
> 
> The difference is, that abusive tendencies are adaptive in physically attractive males, so evolution will tend to increase their relative frequency.
> 
> ...



Replace males and add females...because I'm so tired of "nice guys" always talking shit about physically attractive females. ***hides fiery hoops, whip, and tricycle***.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 4, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> I've never been with an abusive male and I doubt I ever will. I've been around them too often that I know the signs and would kick dude's ass to the curb at the very first sign of trouble.



So, you can predict if a guy is going to cheat on you, and you tend to stay away from these guys?

This is interesting, because the only reliable predictor of male infidelity is opportunity(ie. mostly how attractive other women find him to be).

This is why BHMs are such a great opportunity for women who actually want a loyal guy, as their opportunities are limited(ie. women tend not to be physically attracted to them), keeping them 'honest'.

Begs the question as to why there are so many lonely BHMs out there.

Perhaps women don't value fidelity/loyalty, as much as they say they do?


----------



## CastingPearls (Jul 4, 2010)

Delineator said:


> So, you can predict if a guy is going to cheat on you, and you tend to stay away from these guys?
> 
> This is interesting, because the only reliable predictor of male infidelity is opportunity(ie. how attractive other women find him to be).
> 
> This is why BHMs are such a great opportunity for women who actually want a loyal guy, as their opportunities are limited(ie. women aren't physically attracted to them), keeping them 'honest'.


Funny, I've always tended to be repulsed by men who are hyped, whether by a crowd of women or reputation alone.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 4, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Funny, I've always tended to be repulsed by men who are hyped, whether by a crowd of women or reputation alone.



Opportunity tends to be a confounding variable.

I've never noticed a conventionally attractive woman who can resist these guys.


----------



## escapist (Jul 4, 2010)

Delineator said:


> This is all about physical attractiveness.
> 
> Like my post speaks to, there are evolutionary reasons why physically attractive males will tend towards what you would characterize as 'abuse'.
> 
> So, we are not observing a tendency for women to favor abusive men per se, but rather a tendency for women to favor physically attractive males.



Um no this isn't All about physical attractiveness. Your talking about sociological (aka money/social status), natural selection, genetics, and pre-programmed instinctual awareness. Like it or not, somewhere down the line we are all the offspring of rapist and pillagers. I dare you to find someone alive today who doesn't exist because their great-grand-pappy of some 40,000 years go (or much longer) murdered rapped and pillaged.

Many women are not with their "physical ideal" they are far more willing to be with someone they sync with rather than someone they think is "just hot". You can go right now on any popular dating service and find many women searching for a guy who can "make me laugh". If a guy can't connect with women in a way that lets her "feel" him, he's going to be FOREVER-FRIEND-ZONED.

You don't have to be PERFECT, you don't have to be CHISELED, you don't have to be SUPER FUNNY, you don't have to be WORTH A BILLION DOLLARS. You HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL! I would rather a woman hate me cause she doesn't like who I am; rather than feel indifferent because she couldn't get a clear reading on who I might be and what I might be all about.

So screw all this talk of genetics, natural selection, and whatever else BS people want to trip about. _Women feel_, and if women don't _feel you,_ (on whatever level, sexual, emotional, etc.) they are Done With You! If they do Feel You, and they think your worth taking a chance on, they're gonna take up up on a date to at least get to know more. I think guys really underestimate how much stress some women can feel about just giving a guy a chance into their heart.

So simple end of story is sometimes "the bastard" has better skills and ability at letting himself and his interest be known to a woman in an attractive evident way. Sometimes, genuinely good guys have an amazing ability to do it too. Usually these are the guys who aren't concerned with needing to be nice. They just hold themselves to values such as being true, just, and perhaps even refreshingly old fashioned.
-----------------
Sorry didn't mean to Rant...I think.


----------



## CastingPearls (Jul 4, 2010)

Delineator said:


> Opportunity tends to be a confounding variable.
> 
> I've never noticed a conventionally attractive woman who can resist these guys.


You've never met every conventionally attractive woman.

And I've never lacked for opportunity.


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jul 4, 2010)

Delineator said:


> So, you can predict if a guy is going to cheat on you, and you tend to stay away from these guys?
> 
> This is interesting, because the only reliable predictor of male infidelity is opportunity(ie. mostly how attractive other women find him to be).
> 
> ...



There are hints along the way, and since when is cheating alone the definition of abuse? I sure didn't say that in my post!

And who said BHMs aren't able to do the EXACT SAME DAMN THING to a woman regardless of how he or his partner looks?

My thin and beautiful friend was dating a BHM. The guy was more than just a cheater. He was physically abusive and denied everything. To say it's just about looks is completely wrong in every way.

The guys I've dated, except one, have been slim and were not of the cheating or abusive variety. And to this day aren't, even if not with me. 

If you call cheating "abuse" then there's something wrong in that. My post meant the abusive type in verbal, physical AND mental. Not just cheating but so much more. In fact, most of the abusive guys weren't cheaters, just ACTUALLY abusive.


----------



## escapist (Jul 4, 2010)

It sucks when people have control issues and can't break free of it.


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jul 4, 2010)

escapist said:


> It sucks when people have control issues and can't break free of it.



Exactly. 

But it's "control issues" in both ways. 

Those who control, and those who allow themselves to be controlled.

It's a shame these people don't seek help as much as they should. They deserve better than a life powered by such negativity.


----------



## escapist (Jul 4, 2010)

Oh, I'm posting out of experience. Learning about healthy boundaries can be life changing. If the people who were controlling knew they wouldn't need to control to have great relationships they might stop. If the the people being controlled knew they could have great relationships if they didn't allow it they might call for real change not empty promises that only lead to more abuse.


----------



## KittyKitten (Jul 4, 2010)

Delineator said:


> Opportunity tends to be a confounding variable.
> 
> I've never noticed a conventionally attractive woman who can resist these guys.



Sorry, I don't like the hype either and I consider myself a hot piece of caramel ass. I don't deal with assholes yet I do not want a doormat either. 

The point is, most women want a man who is sure of himself and knows how to protect his territory when need be. I hate how some self serving guys turn this into "women love assholes who mistreat them'. What the hell, women are not all masochists.


----------



## curveyme (Jul 4, 2010)

I've seen some women get with an abuser, on the "rebound" from a "neglectful" boyfriend/husband. The ironic thing is that, IMHO, neglect is just passive abuse. Sometimes when you're too close to it, it does not appear that way.


----------



## Hole (Jul 4, 2010)

Delineator said:


> So, you can predict if a guy is going to cheat on you, and you tend to stay away from these guys?
> 
> This is interesting, because the only reliable predictor of male infidelity is opportunity(ie. mostly how attractive other women find him to be).
> 
> ...



That's sad; that a man's loyalty depends on his opportunities.

"Yeah, better get with those fat guys. They won't cheat on you 'cause everyone finds them ugly except you."

:doh:


----------



## KittyKitten (Jul 4, 2010)

Delineator said:


> So, you can predict if a guy is going to cheat on you, and you tend to stay away from these guys?
> 
> This is interesting, because the only reliable predictor of male infidelity is opportunity(ie. mostly how attractive other women find him to be).
> 
> ...



Like I said, women are attracted to confident and loving men who respect themselves and his woman. I am a female, I can tell you that. Perhaps some of these guys don't have a good opinion of themselves and so that turns off many women. 

Cheating is all about will, if a man wants to cheat and get some pussy, believe me he will--doesn't matter if he is the CEO of a billion dollar company or the crackhead down 14th street.

If a woman wants an asshole, then she has low self esteem issues.


----------



## MasterShake (Jul 4, 2010)

This thread seems to primarily be about women finding excuses for poor life decisions and men finding excuses for why they're not getting laid.

:shrug:


----------



## escapist (Jul 4, 2010)

MasterShake said:


> This thread seems to primarily be about women finding excuses for poor life decisions and men finding excuses for why they're not getting laid.
> 
> :shrug:



ROFL

*Run's and hides from the ensuing fallout!  :happy:


----------



## squurp (Jul 4, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> I've lost out to a bastard a few times and seen my mom and two sisters with a seemingly never-ending lineup of them. I've tried to explain it but just can't seem to find the true source of the problem.



People with low self esteem often participate in self-destructive behavior and decision making. If a person thinks little of oneself, then it is impossible for them to conceive of deserving better. If they meet a better person, they become jealous perhaps, scared they'll left for someone better, mistrust the sincerity of the person, (think they are being setup)etc. etc. Until a person is healed inside, self destructive is the path, usually.


----------



## KittyKitten (Jul 4, 2010)

And please don't take my posts as 'hating men' or 'male bashing'. I LOVE men! Sometimes I click better within groups of men than women! I grew up in a family of four brothers, with me being the only girl. So I'd like to say that I know how many men think.


----------



## JenFromOC (Jul 5, 2010)

Delineator said:


> So, you can predict if a guy is going to cheat on you, and you tend to stay away from these guys?
> 
> This is interesting, because the only reliable predictor of male infidelity is opportunity(ie. mostly how attractive other women find him to be).
> 
> ...



Wow. So, women are not attracted to fat guys. That makes total sense to me. Yes, I'm being sarcastic.


----------



## escapist (Jul 5, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> Wow. So, women are not attracted to fat guys. That makes total sense to me. Yes, I'm being sarcastic.



I think he just missed the memo on this being an FA/FFA website. Perhaps he has no clue what FAisim is really like. I am willing to be he has no clue of the extreme ecstasy an FA/FFA can feel when their lover pics up their belly and puts it on them, or how pleasurable it can be to make out against a wall with their large lovers weight slowly enveloping them in bliss.


----------



## CastingPearls (Jul 5, 2010)

Since it's a proven fact that 85% of statistics and predictors are pulled out of the ass I'm just going to stick with what I know cos so far (with one exception, which could be attributed to a rectal statistic) my track record is superb.

PS--Fat guys rock.


----------



## JenFromOC (Jul 5, 2010)

escapist said:


> I think he just missed the memo on this being an FA/FFA website. Perhaps he has no clue what FAisim is really like. I am willing to be he has no clue of the extreme ecstasy an FA/FFA can feel when their lover pics up their belly and puts it on them, or how pleasurable it can be to make out against a wall with their large lovers weight slowly enveloping them in bliss.



Yeah, er, um....um, yeah. What were we talking about again?


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

Quick, there's a nice girl loving a bastard!

*diversion diversion diversion*


----------



## chicken legs (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Quick, there's a nice girl loving a bastard!
> 
> *diversion diversion diversion*




***sneaks up from behind***

Ahhhhh...there is nothing better than virgin jailbait..muahahah.


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jul 5, 2010)

Yeah... we love some bastard virgin jailbait, lol.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

Guess we should change the title to "All nice girls love a virgin piece of jailbait."

I give this my stamp of approval.


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Guess we should change the title to "All nice girls love a virgin piece of jailbait."
> 
> I give this my stamp of approval.



Damn right I love some free fucking jailbait! 

Though... I'm pretty sure you're not jailbait for me... but it'll still feel like it, haha.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> Damn right I love some free fucking jailbait!
> 
> Though... I'm pretty sure you're not jailbait for me... but it'll still feel like it, haha.



I could dress in a tight Catholic schoolboy outfit to make it more jailbaitey.


----------



## LovesBigMen (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> I could dress in a tight Catholic schoolboy outfit to make it more jailbaitey.



Wow I have never even though of a guy in a Catholic school boy outfit wow wow wow nice... 


I would never go for jail bait though of course psh hahaha.


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> I could dress in a tight Catholic schoolboy outfit to make it more jailbaitey.



Hmmm... That may work.

How about a diaper? Make us feel like craddle robbers


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jul 5, 2010)

LovesBigMen said:


> Wow I have never even though of a guy in a Catholic school boy outfit wow wow wow nice...



Think Harry Potter series. 

I'm all for that.


But you must wear the hat that Catholic school boys are given.

No goodies without the hat.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

I could douse myself in stem cells and be a fetus.

Jus' throwing it out there.


----------



## LovesBigMen (Jul 5, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> Think Harry Potter series.
> 
> I'm all for that.
> 
> ...



Ooh I always liked the chubby guys in slitherin
I spelt that wrong haha sorry.:happy:


----------



## JenFromOC (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> I could douse myself in stem cells and be a fetus.
> 
> Jus' throwing it out there.



This is creepy in a way that's so creepy....it's too creepy for words. Creepy.


----------



## chicken legs (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Guess we should change the title to "All nice girls love a virgin piece of jailbait."
> 
> I give this my stamp of approval.



Well...we get tired of hearing you yell all the time..


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> This is creepy in a way that's so creepy....it's too creepy for words. Creepy.



Creepier than Hozay's Batman?


----------



## LovesBigMen (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Creepier than Hozay's Batman?



Maybe there around the same creepiness.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

What about we take Hozay's Batman and douse him in stem cells?
VICTORY





However, I will bring the jailbait sexy appeal back with my Catholic boy charms. I require a slutty nun who loves to wield a ruler.


----------



## LovesBigMen (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> What about we take Hozay's Batman and douse him in stem cells?
> VICTORY
> 
> 
> ...



Wow that is SUPER creepy haha.

And good thinking bring back the jailbait sexy appeal with the Catholic boy charm.


Ladies who is going to be the nun.:happy:


----------



## CastingPearls (Jul 5, 2010)

LovesBigMen said:


> Wow that is SUPER creepy haha.
> 
> And good thinking bring back the jailbait sexy appeal with the Catholic boy charm.
> 
> ...


No one has to be the nun. Forget the Catholic schoolboy uniform. Put him in an altarboy cassock and he'll have to fight them all off with an 8 foot crucifix.


----------



## chicken legs (Jul 5, 2010)

LovesBigMen said:


> Wow that is SUPER creepy haha.
> 
> And good thinking bring back the jailbait sexy appeal with the Catholic boy charm.
> 
> ...



I vote Sally Fields..


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya (Jul 5, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> I vote Sally Fields..



Speaking of women liking bastards and such. Don't you owe me a spanking?


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jul 5, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> No one has to be the nun. Forget the Catholic schoolboy uniform. Put him in an altarboy cassock and he'll have to fight them all off with an 8 foot crucifix.



But then it'll be a priest who gets to bless him and not the nuns.

Sheit.

Where's the fun in that?!

At least if he wears a diaper, there's an open chance for both sexes  lmao.


----------



## JenFromOC (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Creepier than Hozay's Batman?



I don't know lol


----------



## LovesBigMen (Jul 5, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> No one has to be the nun. Forget the Catholic schoolboy uniform. Put him in an altarboy cassock and he'll have to fight them all off with an 8 foot crucifix.



Haha hmm may have something there, but catholic school boys just sounds soo good hahaha.



chicken legs said:


> I vote Sally Fields..



Haha hmm well I believe the Men have to see is she is the one haha.



CarlaSixx said:


> But then it'll be a priest who gets to bless him and not the nuns.
> 
> Sheit.
> 
> ...





Oh yeah priest blessing him will just not do. But I am not a fan of the diaper hahaha .


----------



## CastingPearls (Jul 5, 2010)

LovesBigMen said:


> Haha hmm may have something there, but catholic school boys just sounds soo good hahaha.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Diaper talk and no TinyToddy? What is the world coming to?


----------



## LovesBigMen (Jul 5, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Diaper talk and no TinyToddy? What is the world coming to?



What TinyToddy haha?
And yes what is the world coming to? xD.


----------



## Sasquatch! (Jul 5, 2010)

Stop bullying Toddy, LBM you bastard!


....



I can't resist! *snog*


----------



## LovesBigMen (Jul 5, 2010)

Sasquatch! said:


> Stop bullying Toddy, LBM you bastard!
> 
> 
> ....
> ...



What I am confused I don't know who tiny toddy is . 
Why am I a bastard 

Oh and I just put what is the world coming to cause I was confused and pretending to know what she was talking to haha.
So sorry .
And sorry Tinytoddy I remember who you are now.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

LovesBigMen said:


> What I am confused I don't know who tiny toddy is .
> Why am I a bastard



The guy with the.."infantilism" fetish? Idk if that's the right phrase, but he totally got off on being able to fit in little boys shorts. He posted some pics of him in some Hooter's shorts that wouldn't get past the thighs of his friend.

It's just easier to remember him as a hot mess.


----------



## JenFromOC (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> The guy with the.."infantilism" fetish? Idk if that's the right phrase, but he totally got off on being able to fit in little boys shorts. He posted some pics of him in some Hooter's shorts that wouldn't get past the thighs of his friend.
> 
> It's just easier to remember him as a hot mess.



Tiny Toddy and the Marshmallow Dragon....it's what my nightmares are made of. *shudder*


----------



## LovesBigMen (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> The guy with the.."infantilism" fetish? Idk if that's the right phrase, but he totally got off on being able to fit in little boys shorts. He posted some pics of him in some Hooter's shorts that wouldn't get past the thighs of his friend.
> 
> It's just easier to remember him as a hot mess.



Yeah I remeber I tryed to take it out of my brain 

My young mind jk but yeah I remember.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> Tiny Toddy and the Marshmallow Dragon....it's what my nightmares are made of. *shudder*



See now I remember Marshmallow Dragon, but I have no idea what he did to receive such shudders.


----------



## LovesBigMen (Jul 5, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> Tiny Toddy and the Marshmallow Dragon....it's what my nightmares are made of. *shudder*




Agreed


----------



## veil (Jul 5, 2010)

Delineator said:


> Opportunity tends to be a confounding variable.
> 
> I've never noticed a conventionally attractive woman who can resist these guys.



...wow. you're a big fan of evolutionary psychology, yeah? like biological determinism like candy?


----------



## SailorCupcake (Jul 5, 2010)

I personally like the sweet, shy nerdy guys who need a lot of affection :wubu:. I'm turned off by mean men....

But a lot of girls go for this type? Why? Not sure. I just know what I know. lol


----------



## taobear (Jul 5, 2010)

SailorCupcake said:


> I personally like the sweet, shy nerdy guys who need a lot of affection :wubu:. I'm turned off by mean men....
> 
> But a lot of girls go for this type? Why? Not sure. I just know what I know. lol



I think I'm in love:bow::bow::bow::bow:


----------



## SailorCupcake (Jul 5, 2010)

taobear said:


> I think I'm in love:bow::bow::bow::bow:



Aw you're too sweet hahaha :blush:


----------



## WillSpark (Jul 6, 2010)

taobear said:


> I think I'm in love:bow::bow::bow::bow:


You think you're in love with every girl here.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 6, 2010)

escapist said:


> Um no this isn't All about physical attractiveness.



Physical attractiveness really is the limiting factor, however.

Let me explain: Female mate choices consider only two unifying quantities of selective value which compete to monopolize female reproductive potential, and have thus co-evolved in a bivalent morphology.

The first strategic morphism, is Genetic benefits: Attractiveness based fitness traits(ie. physical 'chemistry'), which are more strongly correlated with female sexual choice(observed in its nearest correspondence) given that 
sensory bias in sexual choice is 'fixed' by evolutionary success(biological 'viability' is communicated by the most 'rudimentary' of sensory cues, and since biological viability is selectively limiting, such cues retain 'primacy' - continuous signals which tend away from a direction of decreased viability will be favored by evolution), and impossible to 
'expopriate' by rival males(unlike in the case of direct benefits below).

This strategy lends best to high turnover, short-term investments of 'mating effort' within mating systems where polygyny prevails. 

The second strategic morphism is Direct benefits(benefits with implications for paternal investment): Where less physically ornamented males must rely more upon their utilitarian value than genetic contributions in securing 
sexual access to receptive females.

Here it lends best to mating systems which ensure a tight correspondence between male utilitarian/economic proxy and female sexual fidelity(and thus reproductive success), by posing a selective advantage for long term paternal investment that trades off relatively low offspring yields for high survivability.

The thing is, that in any economically prosperous welfare-state(as prevails in Western populations), implicit system dynamics of inclusive fitness will severely marginalize paternal advantage(as a form of direct benefits), and corresponding male competencies(in rendering economic benefits, relationship security, etc) as a determinant in female mate choice(correlating with individual male reproductive success). 

This has the effect of (severely) biasing females towards physical attractiveness in their mate choices.

So it is with PUA methods that the success rate is preponderantly weighted by physical attractiveness.

Evolution predicts this, and experiment demonstrates it.



escapist said:


> Your talking about sociological (aka money/social status), natural selection, genetics, and pre-programmed instinctual awareness. Like it or not, somewhere down the line we are all the offspring of rapist and pillagers. I dare you to find someone alive today who doesn't exist because their great-grand-pappy of some 40,000 years go (or much longer) murdered rapped and pillaged.



Rape is the predictable consequence of sexual conflict - much like social monogamy, it evolved out of selective advantages in male control over female reproduction.

This observation is academically impolitic(if not controversial, per se).

Having once enjoyed some measure of success as a rogue fitness strategy, rape has since fallen out of favor with a hostile fitness landscape(where antagonistic strategies prevail), that has further rendered it a prohibitively high-risk venture. 



escapist said:


> Many women are not with their "physical ideal"



True, only a minority of women can achieve their physically ideal mate, so the others will tend to optimize their prospects as best they can, leading to high relationship turnover as they proceed to 'trade-up', ad-nauseum. 



escapist said:


> they are far more willing to be with someone they sync with rather than someone they think is "just hot". You can go right now on any popular dating service and find many women searching for a guy who can "make me laugh".


 
What women claim to be looking for, and their decision weightings are often two very different(ie. contradictory) quantities.



escapist said:


> If a guy can't connect with women in a way that lets her "feel" him, he's going to be FOREVER-FRIEND-ZONED.
> 
> You don't have to be PERFECT, you don't have to be CHISELED, you don't have to be SUPER FUNNY, you don't have to be WORTH A BILLION DOLLARS.



No, you don't.

But if a man deviates significantly from male trait averages in the wrong direction(like with any BHM), he will incur a huge signalling handicap, and unless he can compensate with some exceptional characteristic(which likewise deviates from average, but this time in the direction of female choice), he will be relegated to the very few women who can't do any better(and such women will always be in short supply, as males are far less selective, and thus large populations of 
females tend to 'share' and circulate relatively small populations of 'choice' males between them). 

Run some experiments and you will see that regardless of what independent variables you might be considering(esp with respect to PUA assumptions), components of male physical attractiveness are always the confounding variable.

Control for the predictable effects of physical attractiveness, and you will note a greater sensetivity to the confounding variable - this tells us something about the relative dependencies.



escapist said:


> You HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL! I would rather a woman hate me cause she doesn't like who I am; rather than feel indifferent because she couldn't get a clear reading on who I might be and what I might be all about.
> 
> So screw all this talk of genetics, natural selection, and whatever else BS people want to trip about. _Women feel_, and if women don't _feel you,_ (on whatever level, sexual, emotional, etc.) they are Done With You! If they do Feel You, and they think your worth taking a chance on, they're gonna take up up on a date to at least get to know more. I think guys really underestimate how much stress some women can feel about just giving a guy a chance into their heart.
> 
> ...



Where PUA comes into its own is in respect to hair-splitting prospects once the physical attractiveness condition is satisfied.

One thing I have noticed is that women are highly credulous of conventionally attractive males as they will not ignore even a remote chance that such a male will turn out to justify some long-term value(which is difficult to determine in any acute interval of time) - this makes women strategically naive, and savvy guys know just how to play this(by parlaying into short-term mating opportunities).

So, PUA methods are all about manipulating initial female expectations(where the 'Halo effect' comes in *very* handy by letting a woman's *imagination* do most of the work for you).

But, the success PUAs attribute to their methodology is frequently spurious, and of limited value to BHM(who tend to fall below the minimum attractiveness thresholds for the *vast* majority of women, and thus will quickly become discouraged by their lack of success), in my opinion.

Don't get me wrong - I find PUAs harmless, and some happen to be really cool guys.

But I just don't find much value in their methods - I would rather invest in physical attractiveness(which is a very well known quantity - sufficiently physically attractive males never want for female companionship, regardless of their other defects).


----------



## Delineator (Jul 6, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> You've never met every conventionally attractive woman.



I was speaking of justified expectations in confidence, so individual anomalies aren't very relevant.

But, it wasn't a dig at you(or anyone else), personally.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 6, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> There are hints along the way, and since when is cheating alone the definition of abuse? I sure didn't say that in my post!



I didn't mean to imply that, but it is commonly inclusive of 'abusive' connotations.



CarlaSixx said:


> And who said BHMs aren't able to do the EXACT SAME DAMN THING to a woman regardless of how he or his partner looks?!



It is possible, but much less likely.



CarlaSixx said:


> My thin and beautiful friend was dating a BHM.



You're already straining credulity. 



CarlaSixx said:


> The guy was more than just a cheater. He was physically abusive and denied everything. To say it's just about looks is completely wrong in every way.



Correction: looks aren't the only variable, but they are a significant one.

And this claim is absolutely justified(scientifically - I can back it up with evidence if you desire).

So, even if your anecdote is accurate(there are always two sides to every story, and your account is further biased by a second-hand source), we should still expect that BHMs would tend less to abusive behaviors.



CarlaSixx said:


> The guys I've dated, except one, have been slim and were not of the cheating or abusive variety. And to this day aren't, even if not with me.
> 
> If you call cheating "abuse" then there's something wrong in that. My post meant the abusive type in verbal, physical AND mental. Not just cheating but so much more. In fact, most of the abusive guys weren't cheaters, just ACTUALLY abusive.


----------



## taobear (Jul 6, 2010)

WillSpark said:


> You think you're in love with every girl here.



Now why ya wanna go and do that?? :shocked:


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jul 6, 2010)

Delineator said:


> So, even if your anecdote is accurate(there are always two sides to every story, and your account is further biased by a second-hand source), we should still expect that BHMs would tend less to abusive behaviors.



He personally knows he was abusive. Admitted to it often, but didn't do a damn thing to change it. She knows he's abusive, but keeps running back. She THINKS he's the kind of guy she deserves when everyone KNOWS she deserves the complete opposite of the guy.

It isn't biased if I know their stories first-hand because they openly and verbally admit to it, as well as visual evidence, and the stories all match up.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 6, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> Sorry, I don't like the hype either and I consider myself a hot piece of caramel ass. I don't deal with assholes yet I do not want a doormat either.
> 
> The point is, most women want a man who is sure of himself and knows how to protect his territory when need be. I hate how some self serving guys turn this into "women love assholes who mistreat them'. What the hell, women are not all masochists.



Yeah, I disagree with that too.

I'm saying that women tend to like conventionally attractive men, who in turn tend to be opportunistic assholes(because such behaviors have have proven adaptive with respect to problems in sexual conflict).


----------



## WillSpark (Jul 6, 2010)

I'm just going to go ahead and try to sum something up here. 

Based on common evidence and reports, one could say that BHMs have less opportunity for relationships in certain cases, where conventionally attractive people have more options. From this point of view, one may be able to infer that because BHMs would have a lower percentage of relationships, they would value a relationship more, and therefore tend to be less abusive. 

However, because BHMs may have less opportunity, almost every statistic for them will be lower than that of the larger number of the other group. Plus, this does not account for abusive personalities, which are goign to be ever-present regardless of appearance based on factors unrelated to the attractiveness of an individual.

And I apologize that my attempt at "summing something up" was two paragraphs long.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 6, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> He personally knows he was abusive. Admitted to it often, but didn't do a damn thing to change it. She knows he's abusive, but keeps running back. She THINKS he's the kind of guy she deserves when everyone KNOWS she deserves the complete opposite of the guy.
> 
> It isn't biased if I know their stories first-hand because they openly and verbally admit to it, as well as visual evidence, and the stories all match up.



An interesting anecdote, I will admit.

Thanks for clarifying.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 6, 2010)

Hole said:


> That's sad; that a man's loyalty depends on his opportunities.
> 
> "Yeah, better get with those fat guys. They won't cheat on you 'cause everyone finds them ugly except you."
> 
> :doh:



Well, that's the nature of the dilemma.


----------



## WillSpark (Jul 6, 2010)

Delineator said:


> Well, that's the nature of the dilemma.



1. It's not an actual dilemma.
2. You clearly didn't understand the idocy that was being mocked by the sarcastic tone of that post.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 6, 2010)

WillSpark said:


> 1. It's not an actual dilemma.
> 2. You clearly didn't understand the idocy that was being mocked by the sarcastic tone of that post.



Or maybe I'm just not accepting the bait.


----------



## Delineator (Jul 6, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> Like I said, women are attracted to confident and loving men who respect themselves and his woman. I am a female, I can tell you that.



You can claim that, but it would not be very compelling as a universal statement of fact.

It really is trivial to observe how frequently women entangle themselves with abusive men(everyone can see this)

And like I said, conventionally attractive males will tend to be more abusive for evolutionary reasons.

This conclusion is justified, and I have case studies(would you like to see them, or would you just be inclined to dismiss them?) and a commonly held evolutionary synthesis to support my claims.

Personal incredulity is not a counter-argument. 



happyface83 said:


> Perhaps some of these guys don't have a good opinion of themselves and so that turns off many women.
> 
> Cheating is all about will, if a man wants to cheat and get some pussy, believe me he will--doesn't matter if he is the CEO of a billion dollar company or the crackhead down 14th street.
> 
> If a woman wants an asshole, then she has low self esteem issues.


----------



## chicken legs (Jul 6, 2010)

When it comes to the BHM/FFA relationship ..the dynamic is different than most conventional relationships. When dealing with someone who can literally crush you, it really helps to know they are a nice sensitive person before you get "personal" with them. It also takes a certain level of maturity to really appreciate a nice huge guy. Likewise, a nice huge guy has to be mature enough to realize when he is being admired. I think that BBW/BHM's forget that they can be very intimidating up close. 








Considering I have a muscle fetish...I have to add that when I see BHM/BBW's I just see barbarians and amazons who got soft because of modern society.


----------



## GiantGil (Jul 6, 2010)

escapist said:


> I think he just missed the memo on this being an FA/FFA website. Perhaps he has no clue what FAisim is really like. I am willing to be he has no clue of the extreme ecstasy an FA/FFA can feel when their lover pics up their belly and puts it on them, or how pleasurable it can be to make out against a wall with their large lovers weight slowly enveloping them in bliss.




Yeah, but not many of us really do(yourself, being an apparent exception).


----------



## GiantGil (Jul 6, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> The guys I've dated, except one, have been slim and were not of the cheating or abusive variety.



And yet another FFA who dates more skinny guys. 

No offense, just very frustrating, being a BHM and all.


----------



## escapist (Jul 6, 2010)

*Delineator* - Thats just to much to quote and I'm not sure I care to pick it all apart. One only has so much time in a day. Not sure where all the PUA stuff came from on that but ok whatever. I'm not about to say I'm an ugly guy, but being over 400 lbs really hasn't stopped me from finding a mate, a date, or anything else. If one where to study any dating advice be it PUA, a website, or just listening to friends, they are going to get advice to "clean yourself up". No girl wants a guy that looks like he can't take care of himself, or smells bad. So learning how to dress with style, and groom yourself go a long way in increasing "physical" (sensory) attractiveness.

Much of what you've said reminds me of what many guys who are "less successful with the ladies" have to say. I'm not saying you are, but there are undertones and comments that are exactly what many of "those guys" would say until they discovered blissful success.

There really is no need to pull out statistical data or over-analyze all of this. The facts are simple. If you want a date you have to put yourself out there enough to find one. Don't hunt, fish. Hunting is far to predatory and you'll probably creep girls out. Fishing, well hell, everybody can have fun when its catch and release based on having fun and giving things a chance to develop deeper.

This topic was started on "Nice girls love a bastard". The problem was "a bastard" was a rather fuzzy term that everybody put their own twist on as the thread went on. Hell, I've been called a bastard many times, its usually when I tease a girl to the point she can't resist me. I just don't see this as a bad thing. Its playful, its fun, its not meant to hurt anybody's feelings. If anything it should convey true affection and my willingness to let my guard down and let them play ball with me.

Does being a BHM thin the number of women who come up to me and try to just get in my pants? YES, I don't see this as a bad thing though. I wasn't always huge. At one point I was 325 lbs. Then I dropped to 250 buff as hell. I had so many women on me it made my virgin head spin. This isn't a brag its just the truth. It really felt like "its whats on the inside" was a lie. Problem was it was a 1/2 lie. It was also a 1/2 truth. You can't be just hot on the inside, or hot on the outside. Either one will only leave you with only 1/2 the relationship you want. At that point in my life I did not crave every woman (I had never even had one yet). I just wanted to find my soul-mate, and nothing more.

Oh and PS, many people simply realize there "Physical Ideal" isn't always perfect nor is it truly ideal. The person behind the Physical is more important than the physical itself.


----------



## escapist (Jul 6, 2010)

GiantGil said:


> Yeah, but not many of us really do(yourself, being an apparent exception).



There are more of us than you think, some tend to lurk and rarely post, many others are simply living out their daily life unaware of the term BHM/FFA. I had more FFA's before I knew what an FFA was myself. Often these girls identified themselves as, "Chubby Chasers", "Liking big men", or they just like guys with "meat on the bones", and I had one who simply said, "I love belly's". There are plenty out there.




GiantGil said:


> And yet another FFA who dates more skinny guys.
> 
> No offense, just very frustrating, being a BHM and all.



Oh man now you sound like some of the BBW's lol.....don't worry they are like M&M's they do exist and sometimes they melt in your mouth and in your hands


----------



## GiantGil (Jul 6, 2010)

escapist said:


> There are more of us than you think, some tend to lurk and rarely post, many others are simply living out their daily life unaware of the term BHM/FFA. I had more FFA's before I knew what an FFA was myself. Often these girls identified themselves as, "Chubby Chasers", "Liking big men", or they just like guys with "meat on the bones", and I had one who simply said, "I love belly's". There are plenty out there.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Sorry, just a reflex.


----------



## escapist (Jul 6, 2010)

GiantGil said:


> Sorry, just a reflex.



Don't be sorry, took me a bit to realize I'd been targeting them most my life long before I found the board. Only came to know the term BHM because I'm an FA too and would chat on the old BBW IRC channels like 10+ years ago. I think thats the first time a BBW called me a BHM and told me what it was after she saw my picture and tried to grab the first flight to Vegas to see me. It was a bit shocking then too.


----------



## GiantGil (Jul 6, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> The guy was more than just a cheater. He was physically abusive and denied everything.





CarlaSixx said:


> He personally knows he was abusive. Admitted to it often, but didn't do a damn thing to change it.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

GiantGil said:


> And yet another FFA who dates more skinny guys.
> 
> No offense, just very frustrating, being a BHM and all.



Just because a girl is posting on this board, doesn't mean she's an FFA. We get visitors from other members of Dims, so you can calm down. Besides, this thread isn't just about BHM/FFA, it includes everyone.


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jul 6, 2010)

GiantGil said:


>



He would be violent in front of us and laugh about it. Then when his temper cooled down, he would deny being an asshole. Dude was two faced.

Eta: AND he NEVER was like that in front of her parents or his own, which is why he got away with it for so long. 

The guy has problems. You don't hit a woman and belittle her in front of people, laugh about it, and then pretend it never happened by the next day. But it's exactly what he did.


----------



## taobear (Jul 6, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> When it comes to the BHM/FFA relationship ..the dynamic is different than most conventional relationships. When dealing with someone who can literally crush you, it really helps to know they are a nice sensitive person before you get "personal" with them. It also takes a certain level of maturity to really appreciate a nice huge guy. Likewise, a nice huge guy has to be mature enough to realize when he is being admired. I think that BBW/BHM's forget that they can be very intimidating up close.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Very nicely put.:bow:


----------



## chicken legs (Jul 7, 2010)

awww..shucks..thanks Taobear:happy::blush:


----------



## escapist (Jul 7, 2010)

taobear said:


> Very nicely put.:bow:



Yes and no, I get called a barbarian on almost a daily basis by her. I think I like it better when she calls me "Hulk", however this often leads to me speaking in broken English and trying to carry her off.


----------



## taobear (Jul 7, 2010)

escapist said:


> Yes and no, I get called a barbarian on almost a daily basis by her. I think I like it better when she calls me "Hulk", however this often leads to me speaking in broken English and trying to carry her off.



LOL now that's funny. I love it when a woman can do that to me.:eat2:


----------



## watts63 (Aug 31, 2010)

Honestly, I never lost out to a bastard...just assholes.


----------



## tinytoddy (Aug 18, 2014)

SailorCupcake said:


> I personally like the sweet, shy nerdy guys who need a lot of affection :wubu:. I'm turned off by mean men....
> 
> But a lot of girls go for this type? Why? Not sure. I just know what I know. lol



Hey everyone, its Tiny Toddy again!! Been quite a while. And I am still little as ever. And it wasn't little boy shorts that I was wearing. It was little girl panties!! So who wants to sit me on their lap?


----------



## Cobra Verde (Aug 19, 2014)




----------



## freakyfred (Aug 19, 2014)

tinytoddy said:


> Hey everyone, its Tiny Toddy again!! Been quite a while. And I am still little as ever. And it wasn't little boy shorts that I was wearing. It was little girl panties!! So who wants to sit me on their lap?


----------



## WhiteHotRazor (Aug 19, 2014)

Vomit level: one thousand


----------



## Melian (Aug 19, 2014)

OMFG he's back.

TinyToddy the living legend!!!


----------



## Paquito (Aug 21, 2014)

tinytoddy said:


> Hey everyone, its Tiny Toddy again!! Been quite a while. And I am still little as ever. And it wasn't little boy shorts that I was wearing. It was little girl panties!! So who wants to sit me on their lap?


----------



## tinytoddy (Sep 26, 2014)

I would love to sit on Britney Spear's big lap!! She probably has at least 50 pounds on me.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 26, 2014)

Toddy....now now dear. You _should_ know by now that on this site it's the BIGGER people that sit on others.

Please try to keep up young man....


----------



## tinytoddy (Sep 26, 2014)

My goodness, a 100 lb. girl tried sitting on my lap once and it almost brought me to tears. I cannot imagine what a 300 lb.+ woman do to me!! No, it is best that I do the sitting, thank you very much.


----------



## Treach (Sep 27, 2014)

What. Is. Happening?


----------



## lille (Sep 27, 2014)

Treach said:


> What. Is. Happening?



I have no idea. I don't understand why he's on the BHM board if his whole thing is being tiny, which the women here are not into. He should go terrorize some other board,.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 27, 2014)

tinytoddy said:


> My goodness, a 100 lb. girl tried sitting on my lap once and it almost brought me to tears. I cannot imagine what a 300 lb.+ woman do to me!! No, it is best that I do the sitting, thank you very much.



Perhaps you're just too too tiny for this place- man up already. You should LOVE it.

Oh wait, are you an FFA? 

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=2097348#post2097348


----------



## tinytoddy (Sep 29, 2014)

I think it is the idea of the roll reversal where I am the petite wimpy one who is with a much larger woman who controls all because she can due to her size. So yes I am a FFA. I have met and been with women that were so strong and they made me feel so small. It was very appealing to me. It was all in fun and a lot of them actually enjoyed that sense of power. Some were in abusive relationships and being with me knowing that me trying to be abusive would be quite comical. And they never flipped the script and were abusive to me. I also admired that as it showed great character.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 29, 2014)

My big fat hand would love a tiny bum to slap.


----------



## tinytoddy (Sep 29, 2014)

Pretty sure your whole hand would cover it!!


----------



## tinytoddy (Sep 29, 2014)

And thanks for always being nice to me.


----------



## JayDanger (Oct 7, 2014)

I've totally lost the girl to a "bastard" (several bastards in fact)
I've DEFINITELY been the "bastard" (more than once)

The phenomenon is simple to me. The heart wants what it wants, and usually it's way less about looks than it is about personality. 

Sometimes there's things about the "bastard" that outweigh the "bastardly" traits. 

Some fellows look at my career/industry and think that I'm a bit of a "bastard" or "bad guy", but I know for a fact a lot of women respect my hard work and respect driven attitude. While I might look like a bastard to some, the women who desire me desire me for specific reasons. 

In turn, it may be that some other guy going for the girl I'm going for may seem like a bastard to me, but those traits that are bastardly to me might not be big deciders for the lady in question. 

Just my two cents anyway...


----------



## loopytheone (Oct 7, 2014)

JayDanger said:


> I've totally lost the girl to a "bastard" (several bastards in fact)
> I've DEFINITELY been the "bastard" (more than once)
> 
> The phenomenon is simple to me. The heart wants what it wants, and usually it's way less about looks than it is about personality.
> ...



This is so true and something that I wanted to say. 

If you lose a girl/guy to another person, you are almost always going to think that person is a jerk/not as good as you and see the negatives in them. Chances are you are trying to say to yourself how much better you are than this person in order to make yourself feel better. So if you are unlucky in love then if will always seem like women go for jerks because you perceive them as jerks for winning over women you like.

This works the other way round too. If you win over a guy/girl that somebody else likes then they will see you as a jerk and focus on your negatives and then complain that girls/guys only like jerks. This has happened with my friends so many times. When I first got together with my ex he was sweet, charming, romantic and couldn't have been more gentlemanly and wonderful. Yet to my male friends who fancied me? He was a jerk. They would have made better boyfriends. Even when I split up with my ex the response of said male friends was mainly about how much better they were than him. How they wouldn't have made me 'x, y and z' and they would have done this or that. So to them, I had decided to not go out with those 'nice guys' that they were and go out with a 'jerk' instead, even though at the time that 'jerk' was the kindest and politest one of the bunch and the one who treated me the best. 

Not to mention that a lot of the time people will see their exs/people who hurt their friends as jerks regardless of what happened before. For instance, did my ex act like a massive asshole when we broke up? Yep. Was he a jerk? Yup. Do my friends have a right to be angry at him? Of course. But he wasn't a jerk when I started going out with him. And I didn't stay with him b.ecause he was a jerk, I put up with those traits as they appeared. So the chances are that if you see a guy/girl with somebody you think is a jerk then: a) they probably aren't a jerk, you are just trying to make yourself feel less jealous; b) they probably weren't a jerk when they won over that person; and c) people can put up with jerkass traits if the person is otherwise good.

This was a long ramble, sorry about that.


----------



## derpVader (Dec 4, 2014)

yes I volunteer at a community centre i love it i made a ton of new friends including this one girl she was sweet a little shy has these beautiful hazel eyes just adorable we started to get to know each other then became facebook friends we knew each other for quite a while when i finally plucked up the courage to let her know how i felt she was really sweet about it but she said she was interested in this other guy now i don't know the guy personally but several people i know do and he is apparently a real controlling, possessive dirtbag who treats the women like dirt and is into some pretty heavy bdsm type stuff and of course despite everyone warning her and saying he is not a good guy she went ahead and got together with him and since then she hasn't even seen her own family in 6 months she left one day and hasn't come back except to grab some of her stuff previously she was living with her family because i know her mother 

since then we have barely spoken also we used to spend hours chatting on facebook and now i got a four word reply from her about 2 months ago she is a fool and i have tried to stay at least friends with her because i care about her safety and welfare but she has just cut everyone out except this guy god know what he gets her to do because she didn't have a whole lot of self esteem to begin with.


----------



## Cookie (Jan 18, 2015)

The thing that gets me about this phenomenon is when guys feel sorry for themselves because they can't get a girlfriend. Yes, the other dude might have some very visible bad traits, but it's other qualities in him that his girlfriend finds attractive. Usually when these nice guys refer to 'jerks' they just mean any other man that has wooed over a girl they're interested in - and how they don't treat the girl as nicely as they would. But I do not know many girls (including myself) who are attracted to overly nice guys, it feels awkward I think, humans aren't meant to be just nice all the time. And putting on a nice act to impress women and promising to treat her like a 'Queen' or whatever, no, as fellow imperfect human beings we're very happy to see your flaws - everyone's got them - and learning to deal with and support them will make for a stronger relationship. Also the girl isn't likely to be permanently, unnaturally nice back either. It's the self pity too - if a woman finally decides to end it with a 'nice guy' then he's going to wonder why she dumped him and will now look for jerkish men. I mean why right? You were constantly overly nice and clingy, not showing all sides of yourself as a person, and giving the girl special treatment as if to seclude her from everyone else, making the relationship feel very unnatural. What went wrong?

There really are some jerks in the world, and putting most of the male population into this category just because they have more luck dating is really unfair. We're all humans and our huge range of emotions and thoughts and actions will forever make love complicated, but just being down to Earth and genuine will always be attractive. Things like confidence, respect and compatibility are key in a relationship, you don't need to overdo the niceness for a girl, be yourself.


----------



## KingBuu (Jan 23, 2015)

I don't feel sorry for myself I just don't care anymore. People are generally shallow and picky, they're missing out on a great person; me.


----------



## KingBuu (May 16, 2018)

Addendum, that they do


----------



## dwesterny (May 16, 2018)

Sympathy level = 0
I'm 600 lbs and have had several fantastic experiences and one LTR with women into fat guys. Put in the work, be patient and be positive and shit will happen. It may not ending the fucking ideal dream but it can be pretty good.


----------



## ODFFA (May 18, 2018)

I largely agree with Dwes, though at the same time, there is a grain of truth to the thesis statement of this thread. For some women, not all. A lot of women are attracted to popular qualities that are often present in "bad boy types," such as confidence, leadership ability, aloofness. Now, you can be an amazing guy and still have these more neutral qualities above. But some girls are indiscriminate to the point where they'll fall hook, line and sinker for a guy who has these, giving almost no thought to whether or not he also has... I dunno... something I like to call "strength of character."

I remember someone (tankyguy?) once mentioned reading a study/studies that showed some women tend to be eventually repelled when they notice this "strength of character" thing is lacking, but that they aren't frequently as _attracted _to it as they are to other traits (such as mentioned above). So it might not have a big enough influence on their _initial _selection of a partner. Considering the women I know personally, this kind of made sense to me. Also the fact that we are all generally socialised to associate "good guy" traits with weakness. To me, the "strength of character" factor is a total necessity for attraction. (As in, it makes me weak at the knees and I don't fall completely until I've at least seen strong hints of it in someone).

TL;DR: We are out there. As is the case with physical attraction, pop culture has its ideal that it likes to tout, but you needn't be fooled by that. Many of us aren't wired to conform


----------



## dwesterny (May 18, 2018)

All too often the "nice guys" making these kind of complaints are just being passive aggressive too.


----------



## loopytheone (May 20, 2018)

dwesterny said:


> All too often the "nice guys" making these kind of complaints are just being passive aggressive too.



In my experience, pretty much always the case. Seriously sets alarm bells ringing if a person describes themselves as a 'nice guy' and then complains about not getting what they want from people. I wouldn't date a person like that, I only date people who are actually, you know, _nice._


----------



## thunderdog38 (May 23, 2018)

I see we've discovered the difference between a nice person and a door mat, nice person will be polite and fair handed but won't take!people's crap, while a door mat bends anyway the wind blows so long as you like them,, or they'll wine and gripe but not do anything about the situation. I am nice person by the way lol!


----------

