# Who Taught You to Hate Your Beautiful Body?



## superodalisque (Nov 19, 2010)

everyone knows how society is about fat. all of the negative words images and opinions... but we all know that when we are children we aren't born believing all of that stuff. we see babies every day and they love our fat. they never react with disgust. they smile stare and try to touch. when they do they react with pleasure. so all of this fat hatred is definitely learned. when we were babies if we were fat then we probably loved it. who taught you that you should hate your body? what would you say to them now if you could? have you ever faced down the fat haters in your past?


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## indy500tchr (Nov 19, 2010)

parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, doctors, teachers, neighbors, classmates...you name 'em they did it.

I've made my piece with my family and pretty much told them that I'm not changing and they need to love me for who I am.

Would love to give a great big "fuck you" to all those who have wronged me but I am better than that.


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## spiritangel (Nov 19, 2010)

indy500tchr said:


> parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, doctors, teachers, neighbors, classmates...you name 'em they did it.
> 
> I've made my piece with my family and pretty much told them that I'm not changing and they need to love me for who I am.
> 
> Would love to give a great big "fuck you" to all those who have wronged me but I am better than that.




wow that pretty much covers my list. my mum did my dad never ever had the weight discussion with me at all but my mum put me on my first diet at age 11 although she was told to watch my weight by the adoption agency and that if I did start putting on a little to put me straight on a diet........................... but it went beyond that sadly

I grew up as a teenager (I was a super skinny kid) being told I could model if I just lost weight and with junk food locked away in a cupboard so that when I was allowed near it (wich was pretty rare) I kinda went crazy overboard 

its the one issue my mother and I will never agree on and she still thinks all I eat is crap and junk food rather than as healthy as I do for the most part

I think most people will have simmilar answers as in the people who told them their size wasnt acceptable


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## CastingPearls (Nov 19, 2010)

I fought to love my body but it was a struggle. The doubt has always been there. It started with my father telling me at three and then seven that if I wanted to get married and be a mommy I'd have to drop the weight before I was ten. Then his mother would feed us saying Eat Up, Eat Up and then talk about our thinner more attractive cousins who lost soooo much weight on some grapefruit and yogurt diet. When it was relatives talking I felt defective.

I still fought.

Then it was little girls in school and around the neighborhood who if they didn't like me would call me fat, dismissing me. 

I still fought.

Then it was boys who were noticing my friends and not me. Or rather, ignored me completely as if I were invisible or noticed me differently. I don't want to talk about that really. Some things never change. And when it's a boy who does like you you're never quite sure. It's not fair to them either. It's hard to trust when so much damage is done. The wounds heal but the scars are always there and are tender especially when they get poked again. That's a chance I still take and to this day, even now, right now, it's excruciating and I still fight. I don't know where I find it but I do.

I still struggle with that one. The boys are bigger now but so is the hurt.

I loved me and thought I was beautiful even when I thought no one else in the world did. When I feel rejected, I have to be honest and admit I do internalize and think, I'm not worth it, not acceptable, defective and invisible. 

I'm usually at peace except when it comes to relationships. I'm putting them in the 'too hard' basket right now. I'm too tired to fight.


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## Lalazuu (Nov 20, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> everyone knows how society is about fat. all of the negative words images and opinions... but we all know that when we are children we aren't born believing all of that stuff. we see babies every day and they love our fat. they never react with disgust. they smile stare and try to touch. when they do they react with pleasure. so all of this fat hatred is definitely learned. when we were babies if we were fat then we probably loved it. who taught you that you should hate your body? what would you say to them now if you could? have you ever faced down the fat haters in your past?



i do not remember why i started hating my fat self.
i know my grandma always said something about my weight..
i was teased when i was younger.
hrm..


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## The Orange Mage (Nov 20, 2010)

I was teased.
I was passed over.
I was ignored.

And then few times I've been approached by a girl in the past, it was always in some sort of situation where I would never see them again. (School dance at another school, a random encounter, etc.) These were tastes of a good thing but left me confused and a little hurt/used.

Only in the past year or two have I discovered that there are people out there who think I'm cute/pretty/adorable/sexy or whatever good thing it may be. I spent a few years in a relationship where I wasn't attractive to my partner at all. I won't settle for that again, and won't let anyone settle for me if they feel that way.

I'm not even fat. I'm not a woman. I am a very thin guy.

No one specific person stands out as someone who taught me to hate my body...just countless little things day after day, year after year.


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## CarlaSixx (Nov 20, 2010)

My family were the ones about my weight and body. The people I grew up with were more about the colour of my skin and the language I spoke. And then as I got older, it became about the hair I had, the clothes I wore, and the makeup I tried. Besides with my family, I didn't have much attitude from others about my weight. Yeah... there were moments where they would tease me, but when I would do something to show them I was tough, fast, or just not a pushover, that was it. My family was a different story. And every little girl wants to be accepted and loved by her family. I never was. I still am not. And I'm pretty sure it's because I'm still fat.


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## CarlaSixx (Nov 20, 2010)

The Orange Mage said:


> Only in the past year or two have I discovered that there are people out there who think I'm cute/pretty/adorable/sexy or whatever good thing it may be. I spent a few years in a relationship where I wasn't attractive to my partner at all. I won't settle for that again, and won't let anyone settle for me if they feel that way.



Same here. I thought I found people who thought I was at least decent looking a few years back (5 or so) but it wasn't until the past year or two where I truly accepted that, yes, there are people who exist who really do think these adjectives for me. That there are people who are being serious and that I can accept that they're being truthful about it.

When I grew up, if I was called "cute" or "adorable," it was simply because of my height. And I still get that, but at least there's been a shift.


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## Luv2BNaughty (Nov 20, 2010)

I would have to say my dad. I'll never forget him reminding me a few times of a fellow elementary classmate of mine (who's mother he worked with - I changed to a school in a different state starting with Jr High), of how she had lost so much weight and was attracting guys and whatnot. I have to say that I've always been self-conscious pretty much from that point on. I'm hoping one of these days that I'll begin to feel comfortable in my own skin...


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## mimosa (Nov 20, 2010)

*I am sorry to say that my dad taught me to hate my beautiful fat body. He also taught my sister to hate her beautiful skinny body as well. I believe both of us developed two separate eating disorders. She would not eat and I overate. 

But the truth came when I started counseling earlier this year. In a partnership with my awesome counselor, I now see the light, my friends. 
Another thing that inspired me was hearing a testimony from a preacher named Joyce Meyer. She gave an account of her awful childhood. But God healed her mind and thoughts. I also believe that true healing comes first in your thought life. 

Now I want to love my body! I am learning to be healthy in my mind, body and soul. 

My sweet friends, You can love yourself today. Yes, believe it, you are handsome/beautiful. God made you darling. Celebrate! :kiss2: 

Psalm 139:14 (Contemporary English Version)


"and I praise you

because of

the wonderful way

you created me.

Everything you do is marvelous!

Of this I have no doubt."*


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## Lovelyone (Nov 20, 2010)

It would be easy to point the finger at others and say that they made me hate my body but the truth is that I did. Honestly words only have power over you if you let them have power. I let others make me feel badly about myself. I wasn't a chubby person until into my teen years. By that age I knew well enough that words can only hurt you if you let them--but sometimes words can leave a mark on your soul even if you don't believe them, not because YOU don't believe them, but because you know that other people do. I think it hurt me more when someone who knew me well insulted me and I knew they meant it...than if I was insulted by some random person who only said something nasty to get a rise out of me. As a young girl I had poor self esteem and I worked hard at not to letting what others say about me have any kind of impression on how I felt about myself. I am still a work in progress, but I now realize that I don't need approval of others in order to love who I am. I am a big, voluptuous, soft, fleshy, sexy, round, beautiful woman who deserves to be happy and be loved.


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## Your Plump Princess (Nov 20, 2010)

My Family, My Peers.

Mostly My Mom when I was a child. 
My mom is a larger lady, and she hates her size, so she instilled that in me as a kid. 
Always telling me I didn't need seconds, ect. "That's what makes you fat. You hate being teased? Stop being fat"

My grandmother on my dads side wasn't much better. 
As I and my stick-thin cousin grew up I always heard about how pretty _she_ was, how popular, ect. But the worst was when it was prom-time, My Grandmother showing the family some pictures of my cousin and her date at prom, and she remarked "That'll never be you". 

I wanted to puke.


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## thirtiesgirl (Nov 20, 2010)

I'm fortunate that I don't get a lot of fat hate/fear from my family. I get a lot of _other_ kinds of hate and fear from them, but not fat hate. I got teased about my looks in elementary school, so I think that started the self- and body-hatred. Society and the popular media have certainly done their job in helping maintain that self- and body-hatred, as have peers and guys I've been interested in who, as the Orange Mage says, passed me over and ignored me. This includes guys I've contacted over the years on non-fat-friendly internet dating sites who've wanted nothing to do with me and occasionally openly admitted their lack of attraction.

I've never confronted anyone about their body hatred and fear directed at me, but most of the time, it hasn't been overt, and has been done in much more subtle ways. In elementary school, of course, the teasing was very overt, but I was such a sensitive kid, I'd either shut down completely and not say a word, or become vehemently angry and call them every name I could think of. I currently have a female co-worker who used to be semi-fat and lost the weight a few years ago. She has a lot of fat hate and fear and has openly expressed it to me, not towards me, specifically, but towards fat people in general and herself when she was fat. I've confronted her several times about it, but in a way where I'm trying to educate her about size acceptance, rather than just saying what she's doing is harmful and wrong. Unfortunately, she hasn't been very receptive and maintains her fat fearing ways. I've taken to avoiding her at work as much as I can because I get so sick of hearing about her bullshit about why being fat is bad.


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## bonified (Nov 20, 2010)

I never hated my body. I hated how I was so totally disconnected from my own reality, realising i was in a bubble for years, healing from a traumatic event that caused enough damage for me to fall out of love with life itself. It pissed me off that those events still had control over my life, and I was being fucked over but only this time i was allowing it! 

But even when yr down you are never out.

This is going to sound grotesquely arrogant, somewhat conceited & a bit born again christiany and If you knew me irl, perhaps you'd agree. I am the coolest person I know, and being as large as I was taught me how to be humble, observant, aware of another whole side of existance within my self, my strengths & my weaknesses and at what truly makes me happy. I'm so glad I woke up, I fell back in love with me, subsequently lost my partner of 12 years, and am here posting high on the net on a Saturday night lol

Thanks for the therapy sesh 

Yay go me!


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## WomanlyHips (Nov 21, 2010)

My Grandmother- 

She said to me as a teenager, "no man is ever going to want a fat woman," a tape that still plays in my head occassionally.

I'm glad to say that I've successfully proved her wrong, many times over.


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## pinkylou (Nov 21, 2010)

I was skinny until about the age of 16, and was bullied for being skinny for most of my school life, so I guess I grew to hating being skinny myself because of that. My dad always called my Mum fat ass etc when I was a kid, even though she was only about a size 10-12 at the time, and she did have various issues regarding weight, whether it impacted on me Im not sure. Most of my Mums family are over weight so I never felt anything negative with them, but with my Dad, who I see rarely, the look on his face still makes me feel his disappointment, he doesnt have to say anything lol! 

I guess for me I don't feel like I am beautiful body-wise, but I know that I am a good person, which is more important for me


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## spacedcowgirl (Nov 21, 2010)

My parents were not cruel to me about my weight (though a few comments stand out to me and still sting) but they basically taught me to always be hyperaware of it, and always be trying to lose weight. I remember being 5 and not being aware of being fat until another little girl yelled an insult at me on the playground.



CastingPearls said:


> Then it was boys who were noticing my friends and not me. Or rather, ignored me completely as if I were invisible or noticed me differently. I don't want to talk about that really. Some things never change. And when it's a boy who does like you you're never quite sure. It's not fair to them either. It's hard to trust when so much damage is done. The wounds heal but the scars are always there and are tender especially when they get poked again. That's a chance I still take and to this day, even now, right now, it's excruciating and I still fight. I don't know where I find it but I do.



Thank you for such a true and brutal description of what this is like. I have noticed men at my workplace look past me, condescend to me, treat me like I'm weird and slightly unpleasant; men out in society in general are even worse. Every interaction with a guy who talks down to me and holds me way out at arm's length (mustn't give the desperate fat girl the wrong idea!) hurts way more than it should. Others would tell me I'm paranoid (though I'm sure no one here ever would) but I lost 100 pounds at one point and the difference in how I was approached was palpable. I hear people talk about how you have to "look good" to get ahead at work and it sucks but that's just the way it is, and it makes me want to cry. The distance and vague distaste really wears you down after a while.

OK, vent over...


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## jewels_mystery (Nov 22, 2010)

My family taught me how to hate myself. I was never good enough... ie. skinny, pretty, smart etc. Holiday get togethers were a nightmare. I was picked on and tease the entire time by uncles and Aunts. when I moved out of my mother house I dropped all contact with them. It was over 10 years before I would associate with them and I use that term lightly.


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## bonified (Nov 22, 2010)

spacedcowgirl said:


> Thank you for such a true and brutal description of what this is like. I have noticed men at my workplace look past me, condescend to me, treat me like I'm weird and slightly unpleasant; men out in society in general are even worse. Every interaction with a guy who talks down to me and holds me way out at arm's length (mustn't give the desperate fat girl the wrong idea!) hurts way more than it should. Others would tell me I'm paranoid (though I'm sure no one here ever would) but I lost 100 pounds at one point and the difference in how I was approached was palpable. I hear people talk about how you have to "look good" to get ahead at work and it sucks but that's just the way it is, and it makes me want to cry. The distance and vague distaste really wears you down after a while.
> 
> OK, vent over...




I am one of those in your face fatties. I make people confront their own fuckedness everyday, actually demand it. I am over the top sometimes, rude, crude, arrogant and offensive and know how to usually work people out once ive sussed their energy, bias towards fat people is usually just their fears coupled with ignorance. I have to apologise a lot, but it's not always meant sincerely. Im not often truly sorry, it's just ego feeding. 

In most workplaces there are lil clubs, theres the fat club, the colour/ flavour club, the gay club & the cool club. I infiltrate them all eventually as i like most people, everyone has a story, at least until they piss me off. I try to bring them all in, simple hedonism appeals to everyone and I am a happy chipper fkr for the most part. 

Like last week, someone took my nice comfy chair when i was off work and put a shittier one at my desk. I get into work and say who took my fat arse friendly chair and the young hot italian boy in the cool club bought it straight back to me and said here, i didnt know when you'd be back. I swore at him cutely in italian, and he laughed with a raised brow, wondering probably how i knew the words. This boy hadn't spoken to me before as ive only been there a few weeks, and was like you mentioned, standoffish towards me previously like i was subhumany kinda til I forced a state of play. Now he talks to me everyday and we swear in Italian a lot together. 

It's funny in a fucked up way, being so large yet so invisible at times. I say that out loud often, at stores, wherever im being ignored etc. The invisible fat lady strikes again etc 

I was 260+ kilos at my last job, hanging with the boys, making the deals a force to be reckoned with. Of course there is prejudice and at that size my phsyical limitations prevented me from many things, but there was no way then or now that I'd ever be looked over in the workplace or all hell would have to break lose. A discrimination case would make my beach bum lifestyle a lot easier to attain, so they'd dare not  

Succumb to anything and it will take over, resist with relentless ferocity and you will wear anything down.


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## SweetTea (Nov 22, 2010)

Pretty much everyone I know taught me my body was something to be ashamed of. In high school I was pushed into a violent eating disorder where I ate nothing and threw up what little I did. I thought my problems would go away if I was skinny and pretty. Even unhealthily, miserably thin a year later, none of the bad things in my life went away. 

Reading about everyone's similar experiences has brought back a lot of unpleasant memories, but it's such a sad reality that I can't ignore it, as much as I'd like to. What I would like to do is go a step further and now introduce you to the person who taught me to love my beautiful body. 

As I spiraled further and further away from my family and into my own neurotic world, my family became afraid for me. My father was awkward and uncomfortable around me, my brother afraid of me, and my mother blaming herself. One day she came into the bathroom just as I was attempting to rid my system of the small salad I had choked down, in tears. She looked at me and said "How can you wreck your beautiful body like this? Your body is a gift, please don't hurt it like this." I looked at her and something just clicked.

She helped me into therapy and here I am years later, still self-conscious about my hips, but free of self-loathing and hatred for my body. A women's relationship with her body is a difficult one, but I think we're made the way we're made, and the world is awful for making any girl hate herself to the point of doing herself harm.


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## NancyGirl74 (Nov 22, 2010)

I wasn't overweight as a young kid. I was also very active, spending my days outside climbing trees, running through fields, jumping my bike off of homemade ramps. I started getting chunky in my preteens as my body developed. That's when the name calling started. I was always shy and quiet but the taunting and the bullying (although it wasn't labeled that back then) turned me into someone very introverted. I hid myself away in my home and comforted myself with food. More feed and less activity helped me continue to gain weight throughout my teens. My family did their best to help boost my self-esteem but comments like "You have such a pretty face," or "If you stay the same weight but keep getting taller you'll have a great figure" don't really help even if they are well intended. I don't blame my family for causing me to hate my body because I know they meant well. I do blame society...if not the society of the world we live in than my immediate society. The one where the fat girl was picked on, called "It", and tormented from middle school to high school. When there are stories kids losing it and shooting up schools or killing themselves because they are targeted and tortured by their peers...I know those feelings all too well. I'm not condoning the actions but I understand the feelings behind them. 

In many ways I'm still that girl, hiding away, introverted, and scared to show any true form of self. It's a protective thing. Hide yourself away so no one has any ammunition to shoot you down again. It's a safe way to live but not very happy. I do better these days but every attempt at letting my guard down takes forethought and effort. None of it is natural to me because I have been taught to fear others and to hate everything about my body.


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## HayleeRose (Nov 24, 2010)

Most of my family never really fussed about my weight. It was really people at school, one boy in particular, who i actually considered one of my good friends for a while, who made me feel like crap. He would tease me on the bus calling me horrible names one day, but want to hang out with me the next day. In like 5th grade i went off on him about it and he said that he liked me but he couldn't even be friends with me anymore because I'm "fat and gross". And to add on to it, in middle school, he was friends with one of my boyfriends, and told him break up with me or he wouldn't be his friend anymore... As childish as that all was, its really what made me start to hate myself.


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## littlefairywren (Nov 24, 2010)

It started when I was a child in school, and we all know how nasty kids can be. My mother taught me to feel ashamed of my size (not to hate my body), and I went straight from that to my ex husband, who did teach me to hate my body. All it takes is a few wee jabs here and there over time, to make you believe what you're being told.

And oddly enough, here at Dims, a fat acceptance site, I have also been given negative feelings about my body. Either I am too big or I am too small.

I have discovered that I don't need anyones approval but my own. Sure, I still have bad days, and people still have the ability to cut me down, but I have grown to accept myself....finally.


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## Tau (Nov 24, 2010)

bonified said:


> I am one of those in your face fatties. I make people confront their own fuckedness everyday, actually demand it. I am over the top sometimes, rude, crude, arrogant and offensive and know how to usually work people out once ive sussed their energy, bias towards fat people is usually just their fears coupled with ignorance. I have to apologise a lot, but it's not always meant sincerely. Im not often truly sorry, it's just ego feeding.
> 
> In most workplaces there are lil clubs, theres the fat club, the colour/ flavour club, the gay club & the cool club. I infiltrate them all eventually as i like most people, everyone has a story, at least until they piss me off. I try to bring them all in, simple hedonism appeals to everyone and I am a happy chipper fkr for the most part.
> 
> ...



So how much do I fucking ADORE YOU!!!! :bow: Love this post - I'm doing a dance of glee over it because I sooooo agree!


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## Rowan (Nov 25, 2010)

Pretty much every schoolmate I ever had, my brothers, my cousins...


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## Rowan (Nov 25, 2010)

bonified said:


> I am one of those in your face fatties. I make people confront their own fuckedness everyday, actually demand it. I am over the top sometimes, rude, crude, arrogant and offensive and know how to usually work people out once ive sussed their energy, bias towards fat people is usually just their fears coupled with ignorance. I have to apologise a lot, but it's not always meant sincerely. Im not often truly sorry, it's just ego feeding.
> 
> In most workplaces there are lil clubs, theres the fat club, the colour/ flavour club, the gay club & the cool club. I infiltrate them all eventually as i like most people, everyone has a story, at least until they piss me off. I try to bring them all in, simple hedonism appeals to everyone and I am a happy chipper fkr for the most part.
> 
> ...


Thats so awesome


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## Weirdo890 (Nov 25, 2010)

It was usually the kids at school, mostly in elementary and junior high. It had pretty much disappeared (as far as I know) by high school. My family was always very supportive, although my dad does talk to me about getting out more (which he is right about). He's just worried about me getting diabetes like he did and my grandma.

The only one who ever really scolded me for being fat was my grandma, but it wasn't even scolding. It was a passing reference about me getting out more and exercising. Strange thing is, I haven't done that much and my grandma now thinks I look pretty good.  I guess age will do that to people.

Since my family is made up of big people, they supported me and never gave me grief. My sister actually has defended me a couple of times from bullying. Whenever guys talked about me behind my back about my weight, my sister would *accidentally* trip them as they passed by, or *accidentally* open her locker door in their face, leaving a lock shaped imprint in their forehead. She never got in trouble for it because she always acted the part of the innocent angel for the teachers, so they never thought she would do something like that. God I love my sister. She always stepped up to bat for me


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## mz_puss (Nov 25, 2010)

I should start by saying i was born quite ill weak lungs and heart and blood problems, so was a really small baby and a skinny kid under 5. When i was 5 i developed sever asthma and was put on mass steroids the docs never warned mum i would gain weight from that, so between 5 and 8 i was a really chubby kid ( now i should explain my mum was a model and stripper- really thin weights about 46kgs and is 5'9 - and has her own body images) so mum immediacy started minimizing my food intake, and the the "dont u want to be pretty and have boyfriends when you older?" question started poppin up when id say i was hungry, Then at 8 ( due to my messed up body) got boobs, hips and my period. MUM flipped, she started drawing on my wobby bits, "groos" disgusting" "fat" "bad" to name a few and would make me, whenever i ate, do it in my underwear in front of a mirror so i could see how disgusting it was seeing fat people eat. I wasn't aloud to eat in public. I wasn't aloud to wear shorts or singlets by age 12 to 14 cos my gross bits would hang out, and if i did she would pinch or burn them. She would always so your so pretty its such a shame you could have been a model like me. I was only a size 14-16 at age 14. i was also 5"11. I was never teased at school 1) cos i had boobs n i hung out with only boys, 2) i was good at sport so i was fat but id kick your ass in any game u wanted to play. 

at 14 i moved outta home to get away from the hate, but i took the hate with me, i got good grades at school i worked i supported myself my mum was still never happy, i hated myself and had many suicide attempts, then i stopped taking the asthma meds at 16, i got really sick, i lost a few kilos but my lungs collapsed i ended up in hosp for 3 months on heavy duty steroids and a respirator, i came out and went back to school about 65kgs heavier i was 175kgs at the time, i got taunted badly by the girls, so i starved myself for a year, i lost about 30kgs. and i was back in hosp from kidney and liver failure due to malnourishment funnily enough. It was then that i woke up and i was like hang on, i nearly died just cos im a fat, I have a pretty face, killer boobs a nice round bottom what the hell is wrong with me, so my self acceptance journey began there, My best friends mum ( knowing i had no cash) saw how much my attitude had changed n took me to a plus size clothing store and bought me some beautiful dresses/outfits ( first time i ever showed any flesh) i thought i was so pretty (I always wore baggy pants and big t-shirts or hoodies until then) and when i tried on the clothes at the store the manager came over and actually approached me to do some modeling work for them. I was ecstatic.

Mum however said it wasn't real modeling and gave me gripe about it, so i avoided her for years. we speak now and i still get the whole "so whats happening with your weight ?" or the line i hate most in the world " your so pretty its a shame your fat" and i weigh 225kgs now. ( put on more weight due to a car accident) 

but im overly happy in myself. I still have things to work on like accepting when men say im beautiful. I believe they wither just want my body/boobs or they want sex. I find it hard to trust men, but that's due to my experience with them i guess. And i fucking hate the health system, every time i go to hospital for allergies, my residual car accident problems or asthma they automatically think im diabetic or its a weight related issue. Me " my throat is sore ive had the flu for a month" Doctor" its cos your fat " me" or it could be due to my lack of immune system from having cancer 4 years ago you fucking twat ! " 

sorry ive had my winge but seriously fucking hate the health system....geez that was a rant i apologize dudes and dudettes  I hink i just needed a good vent  thanks for reading :happy:


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## burtonboardrline (Nov 25, 2010)

thats horrible what happened to you, but Im glad you overcame it all. you are gorgeous and you would be gorgeous at any size. And you better get used to the guys complimenting you because your worthy of all of them (the compliments).


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## LisaInNC (Nov 29, 2010)

My brothers. They used to call me awful names. I remember one; whalagator...I suppose this is a cross between a whale and a alligator? I look back now and laugh at that name, but it used to hurt big time. Also, in 6th grade, I was nominated for homecoming court because the 6th grade representative was Miss Buffalo (I have never told anyone that second one...it wrecked me).


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## Heyyou (Nov 29, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> everyone knows how society is about fat. all of the negative words images and opinions... but we all know that when we are children we aren't born believing all of that stuff. we see babies every day and they love our fat. they never react with disgust. they smile stare and try to touch. when they do they react with pleasure. so all of this fat hatred is definitely learned. when we were babies if we were fat then we probably loved it. who taught you that you should hate your body? what would you say to them now if you could? have you ever faced down the fat haters in your past?



The "fat haters" of your past are likely long gone and irrelevant now. To let them haunt your thoughts and reminiscings is only to let your mind think back, as it is burned in. You can likely laugh at it now.

I think MTV and Victorias Secret are responsible for the skinny image as being attractive. I couldnt disagree more.. and honestly, i find some (not all) flat skinny women to be funky-looking, with ribs exposed and whatnot.

The axe swings both ways. Like a clock pendulum.


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## CastingPearls (Nov 29, 2010)

mz_puss said:


> I should start by saying i was born quite ill weak lungs and heart and blood problems, so was a really small baby and a skinny kid under 5. When i was 5 i developed sever asthma and was put on mass steroids the docs never warned mum i would gain weight from that, so between 5 and 8 i was a really chubby kid ( now i should explain my mum was a model and stripper- really thin weights about 46kgs and is 5'9 - and has her own body images) so mum immediacy started minimizing my food intake, and the the "dont u want to be pretty and have boyfriends when you older?" question started poppin up when id say i was hungry, Then at 8 ( due to my messed up body) got boobs, hips and my period. MUM flipped, she started drawing on my wobby bits, "groos" disgusting" "fat" "bad" to name a few and would make me, whenever i ate, do it in my underwear in front of a mirror so i could see how disgusting it was seeing fat people eat. I wasn't aloud to eat in public. I wasn't aloud to wear shorts or singlets by age 12 to 14 cos my gross bits would hang out, and if i did she would pinch or burn them. She would always so your so pretty its such a shame you could have been a model like me. I was only a size 14-16 at age 14. i was also 5"11. I was never teased at school 1) cos i had boobs n i hung out with only boys, 2) i was good at sport so i was fat but id kick your ass in any game u wanted to play.
> 
> at 14 i moved outta home to get away from the hate, but i took the hate with me, i got good grades at school i worked i supported myself my mum was still never happy, i hated myself and had many suicide attempts, then i stopped taking the asthma meds at 16, i got really sick, i lost a few kilos but my lungs collapsed i ended up in hosp for 3 months on heavy duty steroids and a respirator, i came out and went back to school about 65kgs heavier i was 175kgs at the time, i got taunted badly by the girls, so i starved myself for a year, i lost about 30kgs. and i was back in hosp from kidney and liver failure due to malnourishment funnily enough. It was then that i woke up and i was like hang on, i nearly died just cos im a fat, I have a pretty face, killer boobs a nice round bottom what the hell is wrong with me, so my self acceptance journey began there, My best friends mum ( knowing i had no cash) saw how much my attitude had changed n took me to a plus size clothing store and bought me some beautiful dresses/outfits ( first time i ever showed any flesh) i thought i was so pretty (I always wore baggy pants and big t-shirts or hoodies until then) and when i tried on the clothes at the store the manager came over and actually approached me to do some modeling work for them. I was ecstatic.
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing that, J. I know it took a lot to do that. You are beautiful both inside and out..what's inside shows on the outside. 

You're tougher than you realize. More than a survivor-- a fighter and I'm glad we're friends.


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## CastingPearls (Nov 29, 2010)

LisaInNC said:


> My brothers. They used to call me awful names. I remember one; whalagator...I suppose this is a cross between a whale and a alligator? I look back now and laugh at that name, but it used to hurt big time. Also, in 6th grade, I was nominated for homecoming court because the 6th grade representative was Miss Buffalo (I have never told anyone that second one...it wrecked me).


My fight-grade science class called me Jupiter, which the teacher encouraged. It carried over into high school where it became a sort of nickname- 'Joops'. 

I think I'm over it until talk of a high-school reunion comes up or someone friend requests me on Facebook and it comes back. 

Funny thing is, I like to identify with the planet Jupiter now. I think it and its beautifully named moons are the most spectacular bodies in our solar system.


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## Tarella (Nov 29, 2010)

I don't hate my body, but I definately have experienced other people's hate,dislike, disgust, disapproval of MY body. Most recently, this Thanksgiving from my boyfriend's mother. This Thanksgiving is the third time I have spent any time with her. She is a sweet, friendly and VERY petite woman. Subtley and not so subtlely she mentioned my weight or her sister's weight (she is a BBW). Out of the blue she asked if I had ever tried WeightWatchers, and I replied that I hadn't....she was shocked. She then made a comment about how my father being thin, was a good thing. I finally said, actually, when you are much older and TOO thin is more dangerous than having a bit more than enough body fat, particularly if you are ill. She watched me eat many times during the weekend and kept telling me that I was cooking TOO much food. She ate like a bird and said that all this food was making her gain weight. There were other comments that she made in a sweet but obviously disapproving of me. I am too sensitive to people's disapproval and in general but I wished I had the nerve to just smile at her and say that I was FAT and happy being FAT....and that her son loves me FAT, but I try to keep the peace.

I have had men tell me that they were Fataphobic otherwize they would date me, had the guys that were ashamed to let their friends know they liked me, due to my weight, the well meaning but intrusive acquaintances that offered ways for me to get closer to perfection by losing weight, the "oh your face is soo beautiful....if only you could....". Most of my experience with closer family members has been well meaning, but hurtful ideas of becoming a better person by losing weight, or the suggestion that for my health's sake, I should lose some weight. I have had the occasional out right rude attack usually from men. I have experienced the open suggestion from complete strangers ..."You are fat" and I look forward to the day that I can say in quick reply "and you are stupid and ugly". I get furious at openly tolerated attacks to Fat people in general in the news. It is sad that attacks and prejudice towards fat people is one of the last openly acceptable and politically correct personal attacks left.

The worst part that I experience now, is from the super anal, super perfectionistic, rich and thin self conscious Bi Awtches that live in this more affluent area that give me that "oh my god, how disgusting" look when they look at my body. Usually, it doesn't hurt me because I usually feel beautiful but when I am having a down day, it hurts. I feel that those people are usually too self-centered and too self-absorbed to waste any time worrying about, but sometimes in my daydreams I imagine being with some beautiful fat girlfriends and laughing at their skinny asses  AND, before some holier- than-thou self-hating BBW here says I am no better than those that scoff at me by having my thoughts. It is just a personal day dream, not how I act in reality. Thinking of revenge, not acting on it, is actually a documented emotionally healthy action. So yes, sometimes I daydream about revenge and outward Tit for Tat action and it helps me even the score, at least in my head. This helps me "even the score" somehow, without actually lowering myself to their less-evolved behavior. 

Another thing I might add, many women BBW and non-BBW alike, will eat their own due to jealousy and competitiveness when it comes to men. As I have experienced here, some of the meanest attacks I have experienced and witnessed, have been here at Dimensions by other posters. I used to ask myself why this would happen and I realize that many of those people who lash out and hurt others (skinny, normal and fat) are those that have been hurt the most in life. Just my thoughts.

Tara


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## Fat Brian (Nov 29, 2010)

Tara, you should have dumped the gravy boat in her lap and whacked her with a drumstick.

I find we fat people take far too much crap from small minded skinnies, we should use our size to our advantage and start kickin' some ass. I showed many tiny guys who wanted to pick on me the dramatic miscalculation they had made.

@mz_puss: I will never understand how parents put their children through such hell but I'm glad you're in a better place now.


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## KnottyOne (Nov 29, 2010)

Doctors. I had to deal with them more than any normal person should have when I was younger, and they didn't even treat me like I was a person, just like another science experiment or just a cold body. Was hard to accept myself as what I was when people couldn't even look at me for what I was.


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## Teecher (Nov 29, 2010)

Tarella said:


> I don't hate my body, but I definately have experienced other people's hate,dislike, disgust, disapproval of MY body. Most recently, this Thanksgiving from my boyfriend's mother. This Thanksgiving is the third time I have spent any time with her. She is a sweet, friendly and VERY petite woman. Subtley and not so subtlely she mentioned my weight or her sister's weight (she is a BBW). Out of the blue she asked if I had ever tried WeightWatchers, and I replied that I hadn't....she was shocked. She then made a comment about how my father being thin, was a good thing. I finally said, actually, when you are much older and TOO thin is more dangerous than having a bit more than enough body fat, particularly if you are ill. She watched me eat many times during the weekend and kept telling me that I was cooking TOO much food. She ate like a bird and said that all this food was making her gain weight. There were other comments that she made in a sweet but obviously disapproving of me. I am too sensitive to people's disapproval and in general but I wished I had the nerve to just smile at her and say that I was FAT and happy being FAT....and that her son loves me FAT, but I try to keep the peace.
> 
> I have had men tell me that they were Fataphobic otherwize they would date me, had the guys that were ashamed to let their friends know they liked me, due to my weight, the well meaning but intrusive acquaintances that offered ways for me to get closer to perfection by losing weight, the "oh your face is soo beautiful....if only you could....". Most of my experience with closer family members has been well meaning, but hurtful ideas of becoming a better person by losing weight, or the suggestion that for my health's sake, I should lose some weight. I have had the occasional out right rude attack usually from men. I have experienced the open suggestion from complete strangers ..."You are fat" and I look forward to the day that I can say in quick reply "and you are stupid and ugly". I get furious at openly tolerated attacks to Fat people in general in the news. It is sad that attacks and prejudice towards fat people is one of the last openly acceptable and politically correct personal attacks left.
> 
> ...



Most people who hurt others, are already hurting on the inside themselves. The real reason why they do it is an attempt to make themselves feel better, by putting someone else down. However, it does not always work, and the depression is still there for them at the end of the day. A silent prison.

I happen to think you're a beautiful person for taking the time to tell it like it is about your experiences and that you are here for all those who are like you, and those of us FA's who love BBW's and SSBBW's like you! 

Keep on keepin' on, girl!


Pears Rule. :smitten:

Teecher


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## sammieSC2 (Nov 30, 2010)

about twelve years ago, i went up to 206 and lost about 50 lb going to a nutritionist. when my dad saw me slender again, he said, "wow, i have my daughter back again!"

my ex looked at me and later said he thought that was pretty insensitive....my dad didn't lose me just because i lost weight. my dad hated body fat on people.

when i left my ex, i gained a lot of weight (i've been at 245 for about seven years now). i moved in with my boyfriend and as i started gaining the weight, he started distancing himself from me. we finally broke up over that and other things, but it definitely started with my gaining weight.

i don't care what people think about me anymore. i am not here to please them or gain their acceptance. either you accept me or you don't. it's very, very freeing when you can get to that point.

hugs,
sammie

I'm a twit! Follow me on twitter! www.twitter.com/sammieSC2


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## PeanutButterfly (Nov 30, 2010)

Unfortunately the person who made me hate myself the most when I was younger was my mother. She's a great woman and I admire many things about her but her prospective on weight is not one of them. She always wanted either the skinny child she never was or the fat child she could bond with over mutual self loathing and dieting tips. She got stuck with me, a fat child who was pretty ok with being fat and who even as a kid couldn't understand why everyone else was so hung up on weight. I believe she genuinely wanted to shield me from the bad fat experiences she had but comments like "I'll love you no matter what, but the rest of the world won't" really hurt and did little to make me want to change. I'd get sad for awhile and then in my teenage years angry at her for making me feel this way. I guess staying fat was my subconscious way of saying "screw you mom, I don't give a damn if the world loves me and I'm not about to change for it OR you." I'd like to say I'm over a lot of her back handed comments and snide looks but the reality is this stuff is hard to just let go. The right that people think they have to judge your body is ridiculous, no one has that right but you. I think it's even worse when those judgements come from someone like your mother or anyone who claims to love you.


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## NancyGirl74 (Dec 1, 2010)

Teecher said:


> Most people who hurt others, are already hurting on the inside themselves.



This ^^^ is a bullshit excuse for bullying. I've heard it quite often when I was a child and as an adult. I didn't buy it as a kid and I certainly don't buy it now. _I_ was/am hurt on the inside and _I_ didn't go tearing people down to make myself feel better. It might be the reason someone _chooses_ to be an asshole to someone else but it doesn't change or excuse the wrongness of it. If your actions are deliberately hurtful to another person then you are wrong...period. It's called accountability. It's time we hold all bullies and social terrorists accountable for their hurtful behavior instead of trying to explain it away.

Teecher, this is not directed at you personally but the first sentence in your post is one I'm very familiar with...from the other end of things. It made me feel the need to pull out my soap box. No disrespect intended.


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## Deven (Dec 1, 2010)

My mom first taught me to hate my fat. She hated (and still does) my fat more than I do. My father died of heart problems when I was 6, which she attributed to his weight. Knowing what I do now, my father died of the stress he put on himself from his various medical issues.

After I was in my car wreck, I started to gain the weight while in a wheelchair. I learned to starve myself as a model/ballerina, but I don't have the physical build to be either. I was stunting my growth by abusing my body the way I did. So by the time I started eating regularly, my metabolism and everything was so screwed up that I just started to gain.

I lost quite a bit of weight when I got out of the wheelchair, but not enough to please my mother. She'd bribe me with all sorts of things to get me to lose weight. New clothes, money... you name it, she tried it. The kick in the ass? I was only a size 14 when this started. It's still happening. She still bribes me. I'm 23, and possibly the happiest I've ever been at 313lbs, and a size 28.

I also started a relationship with an older man in a local band. When he got a little bit of fame, he dropped me like a hot potato for someone who is, personality wise, identical to me. She even has the same birthday. What's the difference between us? She's petite and blonde. I'm big boned, heavy, and a brunette.

The kids at school were relentless. I was the perpetual new girl, moving from place to place. So I'm fat, the new girl, and I walked funny. I never even knew most of these kid's names, let alone why they felt they had to make fun of me. I learned to keep my head down, my hand down (not answering questions,) and to keep to myself.

The worst culprit in all of this? My brother. Even as recently as October, he called me a "fat lazy b**ch." At my 21st birthday party, he called me Jabba the Hut.

My mom just had WLS, so now she's dropped 50 pounds and is starting to pressure me into WLS. 

All I hear from everyone is "You have such a pretty face..."


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2010)

Heyyou said:


> The "fat haters" of your past are likely long gone and irrelevant now. To let them haunt your thoughts and reminiscings is only to let your mind think back, as it is burned in. You can likely laugh at it now.
> 
> I think MTV and Victorias Secret are responsible for the skinny image as being attractive. I couldnt disagree more.. and honestly, i find some (not all) flat skinny women to be funky-looking, with ribs exposed and whatnot.
> 
> The axe swings both ways. Like a clock pendulum.



fat haters are and always have been pretty much irrelevant to me. i've always laughed at it and tend to overcome it withing a few seconds of meeting someone anyway. i always make sure that when i deal with people my size is not the only thing i give them to take into consideration. so usually they are so busy thinking about what i say or what i do to think about it more than in passing. as an adult i've learned not to put everything about myself on the table as fair game for all and sundry in ways they can try and take personal advantage of me.

tg where i grew up i didn't run into very many. what i have run into is kind of what Tarella was talking about, people who really hate themselves and their empty lives and try and project that onto other folks. thats something i never took to heart because i had so much other stuff to the contrary around me growing up. but it hurts me because i know how much it affects people with a different temperament and did not get to grow up in a place where supers were a dime a dozen and people purposefully overfed each other out of love and the first question they ask someone they care about is "did you eat yet?" where a common adjective for being a fat sexy woman is "healthy" or they expect you to get fat after you're married because thats what you do when you are happy and your doctor doesn't bat an eyelash when you come to his/her office. that was my world growing up. i love and respect that world. i was lucky to have it. i wish it for everyone. i realize i was naive about a lot of things and i'm really pissed off that its not that way everywhere for everybody because i see how much the other has hurt people.

PS: here is another thread you might want to look at
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79844


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2010)

DevenDoom said:


> My mom first taught me to hate my fat. She hated (and still does) my fat more than I do. My father died of heart problems when I was 6, which she attributed to his weight. Knowing what I do now, my father died of the stress he put on himself from his various medical issues.
> 
> After I was in my car wreck, I started to gain the weight while in a wheelchair. I learned to starve myself as a model/ballerina, but I don't have the physical build to be either. I was stunting my growth by abusing my body the way I did. So by the time I started eating regularly, my metabolism and everything was so screwed up that I just started to gain.
> 
> ...



good god this makes me want to choke everybody pressuring you like that and trying to put you in a box


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2010)

KnottyOne said:


> Doctors. I had to deal with them more than any normal person should have when I was younger, and they didn't even treat me like I was a person, just like another science experiment or just a cold body. Was hard to accept myself as what I was when people couldn't even look at me for what I was.



yes, this is the big problem. people not looking at each other as people.


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## blueeyedevie (Dec 1, 2010)

While I don't hate my body anymore, there is parts I still have issue with. However I thought a lot about this topic. I can't say its one person particularly but there were things that now I look back made me hate my beautiful body. For example growing up , my large mother " hated her body". Then of course there was those comments " you are so pretty , if you would loose weight you could be so beautiful.." Then there is the comment, a guy made to me after making out, in which I would not let him go below the belt , " You are so hot, in fact the best looking girl out of all of our friends, I would so date you "IF" you lost weight." I much rather think about those that helped me to love my body...


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## Jes (Dec 1, 2010)

New poster Cheesebeard did.


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## EMH1701 (Dec 2, 2010)

My mother, church, school bullies, co-workers, the media in general . . . pretty much everyone. 

I'm trying very hard to give up my body image issues, but it's still hard when I'm surrounded by co-workers who are constantly dieting and very vocal about it.


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## Cors (Dec 3, 2010)

- being repeatedly assaulted and consequently feeling that my body is no longer mine 
- being caught between cultures where my family, relatives and Asian acquaintances constantly harped on what they considered a disgustingly fat body while strangers in the UK shoved sandwiches in my face because they thought I was too thin


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## superodalisque (Dec 4, 2010)

Cors said:


> - being repeatedly assaulted and consequently feeling that my body is no longer mine



the issue of ownership of ones own body really resonates. the most irksome thing is the idea that many people seem to have that they should be the person who decides what the appropriate size is for other people especially when it comes to women's bodies. i want to make it clear that i'm not talking about dims at all since size IS the discussion here and there is an implied invite in everything to discuss size and its various meanings and what people find attractive or even unattractive about certain characteristics. i'm just talking about in the public sphere in general where its totally unrequested.

i'm not sure how guys feel about how people relate to their bodies but as a woman i always tend to feel there are lots of people who feel its proper to give their opinion about womens bodies in particular, good or bad, as though it should really matter and spark some kind of action on someone else's part. something about that expectation kinda violates person hood IMO. its okay to have opinions, ideals, preferences,dislikes and desires but thinking someone should actually bend to and shape their life relative to that idea is pretty messed up. but people go around doing it anyway totally unaware of how disrespectful and thoughtless it is to put their expectations where they aren't even asked for or wanted. it should be enough for them that we ourselves know what we want our bodies to be like or are spending the time either loving or trying to love the body we actually inhabit right now.


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## Heyyou (Dec 4, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> the issue of ownership of ones own body really resonates. the most irksome thing is the idea that many people seem to have that they should be the person who decides what the appropriate size is for other people especially when it comes to women's bodies. i want to make it clear that i'm not talking about dims at all since size IS the discussion here and there is an implied invite in everything to discuss size and its various meanings and what people find attractive or even unattractive about certain characteristics. i'm just talking about in the public sphere in general where its totally unrequested.
> 
> i'm not sure how guys feel about how people relate to their bodies but as a woman i always tend to feel there are lots of people who feel its proper to give their opinion about womens bodies in particular, good or bad, as though it should really matter and spark some kind of action on someone else's part. something about that expectation kinda violates person hood IMO. its okay to have opinions, ideals, preferences,dislikes and desires but thinking someone should actually bend to and shape their life relative to that idea is pretty messed up. but people go around doing it anyway totally unaware of how disrespectful and thoughtless it is to put their expectations where they aren't even asked for or wanted. it should be enough for them that we ourselves know what we want our bodies to be like or are spending the time either loving or trying to love the body we actually inhabit right now.



super really does say anything to keep the big girls up. Most valiant. 

She is basically saying "like your body no matter what," and "screw everyone else's opinion." She says this every time. In a lot of words, too!


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## Cupcake91 (Dec 8, 2010)

I can honestly say that I have never "hated" my body. I grew up in a supportive and accepting family. In my every early teenage years I wished I were thinner, but I dated just like everyone else. I was one of the cool kids, and I never wanted to be thin badly enough to diet. There were other trials in my early youth that really made me get my proprieties in order. In this particular avenue, I lived a charmed existence, and I guess I'm only posting to say that it happens. Not everyone gets taught the self-hate that is so very prevalent, some people do escape with an unscathed body image. I count myself as extremely lucky to be able to count myself among them.


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## ksandru (Dec 10, 2010)

I got it from all sides - mother, grandmother, you name it. The only person who ever loved me for me (next to my husband) was my great-grandmother. My mother always prided herself on being thin. She was pretty enough to have her boyfriends live with us, a thing my sisters & I hated growing up. One in particular was extremely cruel to me, and she never defended me. This decimated what little self-esteem I had leftover (I am an abuse survivor - was abused as a child). My youngest sister, on the other hand was (and still is) held up on a pedestal because she is intelligent & gorgeous & had everything handed to her on a silver platter. She got the dance lessons, clothing, car, anything she wanted, despite the fact I was working to help keep a roof over our heads. My mother also claims I left her in the lurch financially to move out on my own; one of many things she doesn't hesitate to throw in my face. Years later, when I did manage to marry my husband, I hid it from the family because I knew they wouldn't accept him. They thought he married me to gain entrance into the U.S., but he convinced them otherwise. We've been married now for 7 years, and I still hear the weight crap whenever we bring the kids for a visit. But now my mother & grandmother use my kids as a guilt tool to shame me into losing weight by telling me that you need to lose weight; you're getting fatter everytime you visit, and if you don't do something, the kids will grow up without a mother, yeesh! I am so fucking tired of this. Sometimes I feel so wounded that what the hell, just do them a favor & kill myself. But I know that is foolish, and I wouldn't give them them the satisfaction! Besides, I don't want my boys to be raised my someone who enabled me to have poor self-esteem! 

Ied


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## LoriS (Dec 12, 2010)

I don't think I love myself yet...

Growing up I was an army brat so I always got to be the "new fat kid" in school. My sister (two yrs older) was always thin, athletic, and really popular. My mom and grandma are also very slender. My dad tends to have to fight being obese, which should have made him more tolerant but didn't. My sister always made fun of me in school, even following me with a group of her friends in the school hallway chanting 'BaDUMP, BaDUMP" with every step I took while I cried. My mom would make me weigh in front of her and my dad, and my dad would exclaim my weight really loudly so my sister could hear and laugh. My grandma was the most disgusted by me, my sister and I were visiting her for Spring Break and she constantly berated me for my weight, put "NO, LORI" signs on the fridge (to my sister's delight) and told me that her neighbor had seen my sister and I walking by, and asked about us, and my grandma lied and said that was her granddaughter and her grandaughter's friend because (as she explained to me that same day) she was too embarrassed to admit that I was her granddaughter because of how fat I was. I was twelve at the time. By thirteen I was bulimic. 

Needless to say, at 320 pounds their shame was total. When I got married five years ago, my dad would not come. My mom and grandma came but only if I had no guests. So I didn't have guests and just got married by a judge. 

Three years ago when I became critically ill and began having debilitating seizures, I fell into a crippling depression. But I lost weight. Lots of weight- about 150 pounds. Last month my mom said (when I was telling her how scared I was about the masses that have been found in the right side of my brain) that "Well, look on the bright side- you finally got MOST of the fat off!" 

True story. 

Wow, didn't mean that to end up being so long. And no, I never had an aunt ride me around the living room  (Yes, I've read thru the forums!) 

And I haven't spoken to my sister or my father in years.


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## SSBBW Katerina (Dec 14, 2010)

my family & kids in school long before the rest of society & the media got their mits on me.


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## girlish (Dec 14, 2010)

Well, mostly everyone in my family was larger so there were mixed reactions on how they felt from my point of view. Some of them hated being large, some just accepted it, and others i think were indifferent.

I was teased a lot in school.. that's where I began to not like myself so much. I was quiet, and shy, and fat. I was a pretty skinny kid but gained a lot of weight around 9 or so. I was wearing a D cup by the time I was 11.. and all the girls around me were flat chested and small. So i caught flack for that. Not to mention I had and have social anxiety so I was always too timid to defend myself. 

It took a lot.. I mean... *a lot* of sit downs with my Mom (my rock), a brief stint with a counselor and honestly private thoughts in my head to come to a place where I'm okay with me. I still find myself insecure sometimes... and I have to honestly stop and analyze what has put me in that frame of mind.

There are triggers of course. I think back to my days of junior high and high school when I was the girl in the big baggy mens clothes and the thick purple glasses (yes, they were as terrible as you're imagining), and I'd walk those halls with my head down. So afraid to look anyone in the eye because I felt... I can't even think of the right word to describe it... ah, worthless. I felt worthless.

After high school I started working for a plus size store and all of a sudden I was surrounded by all these fabulous women who dressed wonderfully and seemed to have such confidence. That was a lot of what brought me out of the sad shell I was in.

It's a process for me. I believe it'll be a lifelong process. But, I'm doing the best I can and that's all anyone can hope or ask for. I don't hate my body or myself anymore. And to me, that's everything.


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## BBW_Curious1 (Dec 14, 2010)

My grandmother--I was skinny in high school (little did anyone know it was b/c I had an eating disorder, my dear friend anorexia) and when I got hold of myself (thank gawd) I gained a good bit of weight--we're talking from 140 to 228 in about a year...then I went to France and lived as an exchange student and dropped back to 175. Then my grandmother told me how pretty I was...and now I weigh 270 lbs and a year or two ago my grandmother said while looking at my Senior pics "You used to be such a pretty girl." That one stuck with me the most, and some days still gets me down on myself but recently I have adopted a LOVE attitude for my body fat and all. I AM a BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! Damn it.


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## Pitch (May 6, 2011)

Just about every one I was raised around, honestly. Queue "You'd be so pretty if--" and "If you lost weight you'd be a knockout" and later in life "If you lost weight you'd look JUST like Thandie Newton, omg YOU HAS DA SAME FAYCE" and etc, etc. But it was always confusing and hypocritical. I come from a family of big women who complimented my "big pretty legs" and was a latch key kid and introvert fed almost nothing but southern, fatty cooking or processed food. When we had food that wasnt ramen, that is.

And if it wasnt fat it was lazy, smelly, weird, blacksheep,nevergetaman, etc, etc, etc.

Ah, mi familia.


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## Jenella (May 6, 2011)

Pitch said:


> Just about every one I was raised around, honestly. Queue "You'd be so pretty if--" and "If you lost weight you'd be a knockout"



I had a bit of this growing up and I somewhat still do. 

I had some serious things happen to me as a child. (my biological father literally at one point traded me for a van and $2,000, My Grandparents(My mom and dad) got me back and never let me go after that. There is so many other stories I could tell as well...) I let these things get to me and I began gaining weight. I was teased by almost everyone - minus my parents, they have always been supportive of me, they've always been concerned about my excessive weight, they don't want me to die at a young age. My biological mother's favorite saying to me growing up was - "You never were and you'll never be pretty enough to be my daughter & I gave you life, I can take it back." Thank God, I have such amazing parents...

My parents tried everything they could to help me lose weight and I never listened. Now, I'm 22, I'm 5'1~5'2 and I weigh over 440 and I'm wishing I would of listened to them better... ( love my body, hate the pain)

But, yeah. One side of family, my so called friends and other people made me hate my body. I realize now that I'm a beautiful woman, that deserves to be loved.


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## SSBBWnaughtynickie (May 6, 2011)

As an adult I have always been larger than everyone else in my family. My mom put me on a diet when I was 10, but she always made me feel like I wasn't good enough. "Clothes for big girls cost more, you'll never get a boyfriend if you eat that..." She still does crud like that. I love her because she is my mom, but that so does not mean that I have to like her or the things she says.
Thank goodness for my dad! He never said on word that was negative towards my weight. I knew he loved me with no strings attached!


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## Pitch (May 6, 2011)

Jenella said:


> I had a bit of this growing up and I somewhat still do.
> 
> I had some serious things happen to me as a child. (my biological father literally at one point traded me for a van and $2,000, My Grandparents(My mom and dad) got me back and never let me go after that. There is so many other stories I could tell as well...) I let these things get to me and I began gaining weight. I was teased by almost everyone - minus my parents, they have always been supportive of me, they've always been concerned about my excessive weight, they don't want me to die at a young age. My biological mother's favorite saying to me growing up was - "You never were and you'll never be pretty enough to be my daughter & I gave you life, I can take it back." Thank God, I have such amazing parents...
> 
> ...



Wow, that sucks. We both got the crap father card, somehow. Mine was a heroin addict who dosed me when I was two and almost ended my run right then and there.

What the hell is wrong with people?!

I commend you on realizing you're a beautiful woman who deserves to be loved. I still haven't had this epiphany yet. I internalized everything they say and still feel like the "bad dog/gorgon" I've always been treated as. Only way to go is up, though, right?


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## CastingPearls (May 6, 2011)

Pitch said:


> "If you lost weight you'd be a knockout"



I had an uncle who said that to me repeatedly but it never stopped him from molesting me. I'm reasonably certain he's roasting in hell so that gives me some small comfort.


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## MissAshley (May 6, 2011)

I hated being skinny when I was a kid and received a lot of "Eat a burger!" comments, but I won't dare blame them for my body image troubles in the past. You know that saying, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It's true. I allowed them to get to me, and then I took back the power and now I frickin love my rockin body.


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## Jenella (May 6, 2011)

Pitch said:


> Wow, that sucks. We both got the crap father card, somehow. Mine was a heroin addict who dosed me when I was two and almost ended my run right then and there.
> 
> What the hell is wrong with people?!
> 
> I commend you on realizing you're a beautiful woman who deserves to be loved. I still haven't had this epiphany yet. I internalized everything they say and still feel like the "bad dog/gorgon" I've always been treated as. Only way to go is up, though, right?



It took me a long time to realize it and trust me, the journey wasn't easy at all. But, yeah. The only way to go is up. You'll realize what I have one day. Life is too damn short to worry all of the damn time. Enjoy it. You only live once, so give it all ya got.




CastingPearls said:


> I had an uncle who said that to me repeatedly but it never stopped him from molesting me. I'm reasonably certain he's roasting in hell so that gives me some small comfort.



My....uncle did the same until my parents took me away from the hell I was in. I know the pain. 


Why is it that people you should be able to trust the most, almost always, end up betraying it? >.>


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## CastingPearls (May 6, 2011)

Jenella said:


> Why is it that people you should be able to trust the most, almost always, end up betraying it? >.>




I ask myself the same question everyday.


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## Mikaila (May 7, 2011)

It was a whole combination of family, friends, strangers and my brothers who gave me the low self esteem. Combine that with sexual abuse from a couple guys in our church when I was a kid and one hell of an abusive relationship and voila... you have this whole concoction of confusion, self hatred, low self esteem and absolutely no self worth. Being told you're ugly, worthless, disgusting, etc for so long grates you down. At least me it did. I did good not to let it show but my mind was always in turmoil over it. It led me to do some bad things to myself. 

I dont understand why people need to say "if you lost weight you'd be so pretty"... do they not see how that implies you arent pretty? Its things like that, that make young girls feel so unworthy. 

I cant say I love my body. I wish I could. I envy the women who can truly love their body and feel sexy in their own skin. I look up to CastingPearls in so many ways. 

I do love who I am, and thats a big step for me.


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## Pitch (May 7, 2011)

Mikaila said:


> It was a whole combination of family, friends, strangers and my brothers who gave me the low self esteem. Combine that with sexual abuse from a couple guys in our church when I was a kid and one hell of an abusive relationship and voila... you have this whole concoction of confusion, self hatred, low self esteem and absolutely no self worth. Being told you're ugly, worthless, disgusting, etc for so long grates you down. At least me it did. I did good not to let it show but my mind was always in turmoil over it. It led me to do some bad things to myself.
> 
> I dont understand why people need to say "if you lost weight you'd be so pretty"... do they not see how that implies you arent pretty? Its things like that, that make young girls feel so unworthy.
> 
> ...



Right here with you. I live in shame of my body and still hide it. There's a psychological blockade stopping me from wearing what I want to wear and etc. I wont even wear skirts, much less anything feminine because I feel like I'll be laughed at and will look like an overcooked bratwurst. And all this while (not to toot my horn) I have a freaking IQ past 160, am a damned good illustrator, glassblower, sculptor, build computers for fun and have an excess of "balls" and charisma. 

It makes me feel like a hypocrite. An ugly one. :/

I hope I manage to change this somehow. And I agree. I cant STAND the "You have a face like a supermodel, and if you lost weight you'd be so hot". Only reply I can manage is "So why am I not "hot" now if you're telling me I look like a model above the neck. Jerk."

haet ppl -.-

If you resolve to start slapping people who give the "you'd be so pretty if" line, I'd promise to match you blow for blow on my own home turf. Kukuku


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## Hathor (May 8, 2011)

My dad, my mother's side of the family, my classmates, the neighbors, society... 

I still don't love my body, but I've had it for nearly 30 years so I'm just used to it. It's just me and I'm kind of indifferent to my size as it doesn't define me.


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## superodalisque (May 8, 2011)

Hathor said:


> My dad, my mother's side of the family, my classmates, the neighbors, society...
> 
> I still don't love my body, but I've had it for nearly 30 years so I'm just used to it. It's just me and I'm kind of indifferent to my size as it doesn't define me.



kindly meant question/observation: 

are you truly indifferent to your size or are you just ignoring things because it might be painful that you don't love your body right now?


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## Hathor (May 8, 2011)

superodalisque said:


> kindly meant question/observation:
> 
> are you truly indifferent to your size or are you just ignoring things because it might be painful that you don't love your body right now?



I'm too busy to really care about my appearance to be honest. In my industry, it's get up, throw on clothes and a hat (if you don't have time to even brush your hair), and take off. It's not something I focus on and growing up I never considered myself fat despite crying over the comments made to me by people. I was just who I was. Now I have a "take it or leave it" attitude because I'm not going to change. I've been between 300-350# since I was probably around 17-18. 

I just view my body as functional. I don't look at people in terms of being skinny or fat because I view the body as just being a vessel while we're here. I like my soft skin and rolls and stretch marks, but I don't necessarily love them like some people do. Know what I mean?


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## starcrossed (May 8, 2011)

I don't know if I necessarily learned to "hate" my body per se, but a love/hate definitely. My mother grew up dieting and fighting with her body and so it was something I grew up seeing as well. In elementary school, I was teased occasionally but not usually about weight. It actually never really hit me that I was bigger until I was about 13 and started at an inner-city public middle school that it became a real issue. I guess I started to realize that the heavier I got the less ideal I was and paired with how I knew my own mom felt about her body it created this antagonism in me for my body. I'm still trying to work through it and sometimes I honestly don't know if I'll move past it.


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## darlingzooloo (May 11, 2011)

I was more frustrated with my body growing up because I always had some sort of health issue going on, nothing even to do with my weight ever actually, I broke my hip in 3rd grade and was stuck in a bed for half a year, not able to go to school, and my mom says basically after that the weight just kept piling on. Sometimes my older sister would tease me harshly, but it was more of her being the exact opposite of me, beautiful, tall, thin athletic build and independent that bothered me, I always felt like I was wrong in my physicality and my introverted-ness and that my body just hated me, my spirit that is. 

However my parents and other siblings have always shown their love for me, and though they've made weight-comments it is always out of love and worry for my health, never out of embarrassment or annoyance. I consider myself very lucky to be their daughter and sister. 

Boys however can still turn me into old insecure-Laura if I'm not careful to remind myself that I'm a great person no matter the size or shape I am. And I'm working on getting rid of this problem as well, but I'd imagine it's always going to be there a little bit.


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## Zandoz (May 12, 2011)

It was not family...it was not school mates...it was not people I grew up with...it was not people I worked with...it was not what I saw on TV or in the movies.

It was the overwhelmingly consistency of the reactions I saw and heard from random people encountered in all kinds of environments. The grimaces, the "Ewws", the "OMG he's so fat"s, the 'He shouldn't be allowed in public"s, the people obviously going out of their way to avoid passing near me, etc.

Even with all this, I do not hate my body (except for the pain and discomfort)...I'm just undeniably aware that for the most part the rest of society does hate my body.


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## darlingzooloo (May 12, 2011)

You know what, this thread kinda makes me 
Internet group hug anyone?


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## 1love_emily (May 14, 2011)

I blame my mother. I love her dearly, and I always will, but she's the one who got me afraid of my own body. She always tried to teach me that I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am... but she was ashamed of me, I know it. I know for a while she was disappointed that I wasn't a math geek, tennis playing girl like my ex-best friend. I know she wanted me to be everything that she wasn't - an academic and an athlete. 

I think she's come to accept that I'm a fat musician... but for a long time she wanted me to be everyone else except me.

Derek really helped me accept myself. I never thought that I could be loved for who I was with the body I had. I never tried to put myself out, because I was waiting till I looked like a sexy girl to do it. When he told me that he thought I was sexy and beautiful, that's when I began to realize that I can finally be happy and accepting of myself.


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## CastingPearls (May 14, 2011)

darlingzooloo said:


> You know what, this thread kinda makes me
> Internet group hug anyone?


Hug, sweetheart. 

I've come to the conclusion that I can't control the past and don't regret my own actions because they made me who I am today. As for pain, there's more room in a broken heart. 

'Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain.' ~ Kahlil Gibran

There is SO MUCH to me beyond that pain.


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## darlingzooloo (May 14, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Hug, sweetheart.
> 
> I've come to the conclusion that I can't control the past and don't regret my own actions because they made me who I am today. As for pain, there's more room in a broken heart.
> 
> ...



So true, and a wonderful quote as well! *return hug*


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## BigBodyChevy (May 15, 2011)

My dad taught me to hate myself as early as ten years old. He's fat himself. His mom and dad were fat. His grand parents, brother and sister and so on. He really hated himself maybe because of how he was treated growing up. So, he put his own negative energy on me. He was horrible about it. He would constantly say, "Who would want a big woman?" He would call me all sorts of names. He was an excellent cook who often made large quantities of food in which he would encourage my brothers and I to eat up. But as soon as we got seconds or more, he would talk about us like dogs. He would constantly put down my mother because she got fat and occasionally, she would make comments about me too. I had a horrible self image about myself from ages 10 thru 20. 

Nowadays, we don't have much of a relationship but I plan to remedy that soon because as much of a douche as he is, he's the only dad I have. There is nothing that he can say that would ever bring me back to the person that I used to me. I've come a very long way as to how I feel about myself.


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## wtchmel (May 15, 2011)

Hmmmm, I would say, society, media, and my mom, and 'first' boyfriend.


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