# finally gave up - getting bigger



## bigbellyroll (Nov 8, 2010)

I'm new & probably won't post much as I am not as OK with my situation as others. I've struggled all my life with my weight and now at 5'2" I struggle to stay at 200 - well, I just lost. I'm in a very appearance oriented field and 2 weeks ago at work I popped the button on my size 18s. I didn't even know I'd gotten fatter. I asked a co-worker if I looked like I had gained weight & she told me that with my body shape (HUGE belly & boobs) I would have to loose or gain a ton of weight for anyone to notice. I weighed myself at lunch (in the drugstore) saw I was 213, cried in the bathroom, then said screw it and have been eating anything and everything I want whenever for the past 2 weeks. My belly is so bloated I look like I'm going to have triplets. Other than it being so big it's making my chest hurt right now - I don't even care. I know I'll end up around 250-275 when my brain adjusts. By the way, when does the super stuffed super hard feeling go away and just become fat?


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## Weeze (Nov 9, 2010)

This honestly doesn't sound like it's a sexual thing for you at all. I think you might want to look into help for an eating disorder. We talk about it here http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=66311 and another really good place for help, if you need to call is Renfrew centers. (http://www.renfrew.org/)


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## bigbellyroll (Nov 9, 2010)

what kind?


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## bigbellyroll (Nov 9, 2010)

bigbellyroll said:


> what kind?


Ok, it's not so much as just an I quite thing and I really just came here for acceptance and advice. In all honesty, I kind of like being big and like my big belly that I can't hide. I uncosiously find myself placing my hand on a roll all the time. What I'm not that cool with is how society tells people that it's not ok for me or anyone else to like that. The thing I'm also not ok with is the double chin thing.


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## marlowegarp (Nov 9, 2010)

bigbellyroll said:


> Ok, it's not so much as just an I quite thing and I really just came here for acceptance and advice. In all honesty, I kind of like being big and like my big belly that I can't hide. I uncosiously find myself placing my hand on a roll all the time. What I'm not that cool with is how society tells people that it's not ok for me or anyone else to like that. The thing I'm also not ok with is the double chin thing.



That may be tough to reconcile. You're pretty much just going to have to get used to "society" not approving of your likes and dislikes, as most people aren't even okay with their own.

Why not the double chin, though? I've talked to a couple people who are fine with getting fatter but don't like their double chin. What's the distinction?


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## Tad (Nov 9, 2010)

Just to mention up front, so that you can better understand the reception you might be getting, is that there is a long history of posters showing up on this board, talking about how fat they are getting (or how fat their partner is getting), often with a few details that would delight people who get off on weight gain.then they disappear, or occasionally return to offer variations on the same theme. Some of them may be legit, but at least a few have been found to be people just fantasizing in a very public way. So when someones first arrival on the boards is on this board, their first post is about how they are gaining weight and popped a button, and they have a very generic fat user name.people tend to sit back and wait to see if they behave like a real person, or if it is just someone getting off by posting their fat fantasies.

I hope you are exactly who you say you are, but really the only way to build up that trust is to interact more. Anyway, I'll take your posts at face value, and try to give you some useful feedback.

Ill admit that I shared some of Weezes concerns. From what you said afterward, it sounds like youve been struggling for a long time to find a balance between desire to fit in socially, and what you want in terms of lifestyle and for your body? If so, I can understand that when you finally resolve that conflict you might go a bit crazy with it. But in the longer term it is of course generally better to find some moderation. 

If you are so full that it is hard to breath, youve really stuffed yourself to the extreme (yes, Ive been there, and frankly it was a bit of a turn on for me, some of my fantasies run that way, but it is not a good thing to do on a regular basis). Eating that much will always leave your stomach (in fact your whole intestinal track if you keep it up over any length of time) feeling packed full, and it will not welcome any bending or much movement, because it is already stressed and stretched and really cant take any more. If you suddenly get stuffed it will swell our your belly, making the skin quite tight and keeping everything quite firm. Stay at any particular shape and size for long and your skin will adapt (read: stretch out) making it less tight. But if you continue to gain, your skin may or may not really keep up well (everybody is different), so you may continue to feel quite firm. Finally, fat can get deposited either right under the skin or in the abdominal cavity. The latter seems to have a lot more health consequences, and results in the firm beer-belly kind of look. The former gives the soft, jiggly, fat, and doesnt seem to be associated with as severe health issue. There doesnt seem to be much you can do to control where your body stores fat, although there is some suggestions Ive seen that very rapid gains may result in more of the fat being stored in the abdominal cavity, but Ive not seen proof of that.

I would really suggest that, having given yourself freedom to eat what you want, you start experimenting to find what you really want and need. All the food that youve denied yourself may appeal at first, but you may find, for example, that a piece of fruit mid-morning and a bit of good chocolate mid-afternoon is all that you actually need to add to your work day to get through it without feeling so hungry. And if you are eating more, do please make sure to keep active, or if anything get more active. Getting heavier makes activities harder, but if you keep doing them in the first place I think it is easier to stay active than if you really let yourself get sedentary and then try to get active again.

Good luck in sorting through all that you are feeling, and bringing your life to a point of happy balance


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## bigbellyroll (Nov 9, 2010)

Sorry, I'm "generic". LOL See, I would have never thought about a fantasy thing with the button because that "breaking point" was literally my breaking point because I absolutley refused to buy a size 20. Obviously having to diet to maintain 200 at 5'2" doesn't make me a little girl to begin with. I don't actually intend to gain any more weight than I did, although I know I will because I gave in to everything for 2 weeks. It really was (still is) an emotional thing and right now I never want to see another donut or another meat lovers piza. I didn't eat dinner or last night and had a bannana for breakfast and feel a little better. I'm sure the last two weeks have added or will add a little extra weight (don't have a scale as I usually just go through that at the dr and that's why I had the drug store freak out) but I don't know how much and don't really want to. I don't plan on gaining weight or getting to 250 I just know that my natural tendency is to put weight on and by not obsessing it will happen. I'm Italian and have always had a big beer-belly type stomach, wide hips. I look a lot like one of my aunts who is much heavier than I am and can just see me looking like her. My mom thinks she's gross (she's always thought I was gross too), but I think she's beautiful. This brings me to the chin thing. I have very pretty eyes and I think having more of (I've already had a small one) a double chin would take away from them. I didn't know about the "fantassy" aspect of this site until I was on here. I googled "fat acceptance" and found you guys. I do have an eating disorder mentality in that I was restricing, but I never got thin. My smallest weight was about 180 in HS - I'm 40. I don't look it because the fuller face is youthful - that part I like.  If I post a pic, could someone I don't want to know I'm on here see it? If not, how do I. I want you guys to know I am for real and just want to accept myself. Can you say midlife crisis much? 



Tad said:


> Just to mention up front, so that you can better understand the reception you might be getting, is that there is a long history of posters showing up on this board, talking about how fat they are getting (or how fat their partner is getting), often with a few details that would delight people who get off on weight gain.then they disappear, or occasionally return to offer variations on the same theme. Some of them may be legit, but at least a few have been found to be people just fantasizing in a very public way. So when someones first arrival on the boards is on this board, their first post is about how they are gaining weight and popped a button, and they have a very generic fat user name.people tend to sit back and wait to see if they behave like a real person, or if it is just someone getting off by posting their fat fantasies.
> 
> I hope you are exactly who you say you are, but really the only way to build up that trust is to interact more. Anyway, I'll take your posts at face value, and try to give you some useful feedback.
> 
> ...


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## bigbellyroll (Nov 9, 2010)

So its obvious thar I am currently a big girl who's just done counting dar grams, how do I post pics from my cel?


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## AppreSheAte (Nov 9, 2010)

BigBellyRoll, let's be fully candid, around here you will be more than just accepted. You'll be enthusiastically embraced if you're a gainer and love yourself as you get fatter. I think the first response should indicate that hopefully being big is sensuous if not down right erotic for you. Perhaps there is an element of people here that simply are fat and accept it, but I think being confident, being happy, and really being who you are is embracing who you are and how you look, feel, and think. :blush:

There are a lot of different elements in this size acceptance culture to be sure. There are FAs - males that are fat admirers or appreciators, FFAs - female fat admirers, that prefer fat guys, Feeders - those that like to feed and usually encourage gaining, Feedees - those that like to overeat and indulge, and Gainers - those that like to get bigger and heavier. There are probably a few of both or all of the above too. 

As I read your post, I was excited to see you join the board, and happy that perhaps you were embracing yourself for who you are, or maybe more willing to accept what secretly you really like. I can't help to wonder if there is a big new world that awaits your discovery!:happy:


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## Tad (Nov 9, 2010)

bigbellyroll said:


> So its obvious thar I am currently a big girl who's just done counting dar grams, how do I post pics from my cel?



To post a pic you need it to either be on the web somewhere not protected (facebook won't work for instance, since most people cannot see your pics there), or somewhere you can browse too while posting. When you do your post, scroll down to the 'manage attachments' button, and that will pop up a window where you put in either the URL of the picture, or where you go to the pic where it is saved on hardware and upload it to Dimensions.


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## bigbellyroll (Nov 9, 2010)

I have a profile pic now. The sweater is buttoned up at work because that's just inappriate but the white shirt is a victim of unintentional, unwitting weight increase. I didn't know it was like that until I was already at work. 



bigbellyroll said:


> So its obvious thar I am currently a big girl who's just done counting dar grams, how do I post pics from my cel?


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## Tad (Nov 9, 2010)

A couple more comments....



bigbellyroll said:


> I'm new & probably won't post much as I am not as OK with my situation as others.



Well, hopefully interacting with people here will help you feel better about your situation  Read various threads, look at some of the pics in places like the Lounge and the Fashion board, and maybe it will help you feel better all of this.



> I asked a co-worker if I looked like I had gained weight & she told me that with my body shape (HUGE belly & boobs) I would have to loose or gain a ton of weight for anyone to notice.



If you are not a body of particular interest to someone, they’ll often only note changes when it forces them to change the category they slot you into….like going from brunette to blonde, or suddenly showing up with facial piercings, or very different style of clothes….or going from chunky to normal sized, or chunky to quite fat.

On the other hand, if there are any FA around, they are apt to notice your body in much more detail, and they will have noticed that you’ve gone from 200 to 213, and probably about how full you’ve made your belly lately. So yah, for better or worse, some of the people around you may well have noticed.

Edited to add: sorry, started this before you'd posted about adding your pic to your profile....just to say you look lovely, too bad such a nice shirt doesn't fit well anymore--I hope you like shopping!


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## bigbellyroll (Nov 9, 2010)

Thanks for the compliment. I actually HATE shopping & I'm sure there a lot of girls here who do. You can certainly see why I chose my name in that shirt though.  Actually, I'm a singer (hence the public job) and it's a line from an old blues song. I can't even remember which one but I think it's a Fatts Waler song. 


Tad said:


> A couple more comments....
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## bigbellyroll (Nov 9, 2010)

Oh, the chin thing is this. I have nice eyes and have always had a little double chin, but I think the bigger it is the more it distracts from my eyes. Plus, I get the neck rolls kind and not the cute cherrub kind. 



marlowegarp said:


> That may be tough to reconcile. You're pretty much just going to have to get used to "society" not approving of your likes and dislikes, as most people aren't even okay with their own.
> 
> Why not the double chin, though? I've talked to a couple people who are fine with getting fatter but don't like their double chin. What's the distinction?


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## Tad (Nov 9, 2010)

bigbellyroll said:


> I actually HATE shopping & I'm sure there a lot of girls here who do.



Yah, my wife hates shopping....whereas I tend to enjoy it. So much for gender stereotypes!

There are a few other singers on the board, if you go poking around, I can see how the image issue can be difficult when you are in front of an audience, but at least size doesn't stop people from being fantastic singers!


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## bigbellyroll (Nov 9, 2010)

That is when I have had my best come backs. Anytime anyone has said my size would hinder my voice I get to say (1) Y'all don't tell that to Aretha and (2) If I'm not singing - it will never be over. 



Tad said:


> Yah, my wife hates shopping....whereas I tend to enjoy it. So much for gender stereotypes!
> 
> There are a few other singers on the board, if you go poking around, I can see how the image issue can be difficult when you are in front of an audience, but at least size doesn't stop people from being fantastic singers!


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## bobsjers (Nov 9, 2010)

bigbellyroll said:


> Oh, the chin thing is this. I have nice eyes and have always had a little double chin, but I think the bigger it is the more it distracts from my eyes. Plus, I get the neck rolls kind and not the cute cherrub kind.



I think your eyes will still look beautiful no matter how big your chin gets. Perhaps it will draw more attention to your face, and people will look at your beautiful eyes too. I look forward to seeing new updated pictures as you grow.


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## marlowegarp (Nov 10, 2010)

bigbellyroll said:


> Oh, the chin thing is this. I have nice eyes and have always had a little double chin, but I think the bigger it is the more it distracts from my eyes. Plus, I get the neck rolls kind and not the cute cherrub kind.



Good to know. Thanks!


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## bigbellyroll (Jul 11, 2011)

I'm posting back on my original to let you guys know I have new pix showing how big & round I've gotten. Thought you guys might want to see
;-)


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## DeviousShay (Oct 1, 2011)

I really respect you for being so open and honest about your emotional struggles, I've found this thread has helped me a lot in putting my own situation in perspective. I'm relatively new to gaining and while I enjoy it in general at times and in certain situations I tend to struggle a little as you seem to with acceptance. 
I have been gaining and losing weight over the last 7 years and it is only recently that I have come to accept that I prefer to be larger.... :blush:

I must say I can understand what you mean about the double chin thing though, it is something I tend to dislike about myself though it isn't very large. I think it could perhaps be the perception of beauty....( I don't know if I'm making any sense here...but here goes) Generally I think we differentiate between body size and facial beauty. I don't think any amount of neck rolls will detract from how attractive you are, you will find people, particularly on here that will only see them as adding to your charm. :happy:

I'm sorry for such a long and rambling reply to your thread, but you inspired me to write and I had to get it all out before I lost my nerve.


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## bigbellyroll (Oct 1, 2011)

You made complete sense. I've gone through a lot & have never been what I thought I should physically. In all honesty O probably won't ever, but there's something freeing about just deciding to be & live. This site is amazing. Good luck.


DeviousShay said:


> I really respect you for being so open and honest about your emotional struggles, I've found this thread has helped me a lot in putting my own situation in perspective. I'm relatively new to gaining and while I enjoy it in general at times and in certain situations I tend to struggle a little as you seem to with acceptance.
> I have been gaining and losing weight over the last 7 years and it is only recently that I have come to accept that I prefer to be larger.... :blush:
> 
> I must say I can understand what you mean about the double chin thing though, it is something I tend to dislike about myself though it isn't very large. I think it could perhaps be the perception of beauty....( I don't know if I'm making any sense here...but here goes) Generally I think we differentiate between body size and facial beauty. I don't think any amount of neck rolls will detract from how attractive you are, you will find people, particularly on here that will only see them as adding to your charm. :happy:
> ...


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## DeviousShay (Oct 1, 2011)

bigbellyroll said:


> You made complete sense. I've gone through a lot & have never been what I thought I should physically. In all honesty O probably won't ever, but there's something freeing about just deciding to be & live. This site is amazing. Good luck.




I completely agree, thank you, good luck to you too.


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## KHayes666 (Oct 4, 2011)

bigbellyroll said:


> You made complete sense. I've gone through a lot & have never been what I thought I should physically. In all honesty O probably won't ever, but there's something freeing about just deciding to be & live. This site is amazing. Good luck.



You've come a long way in the past year. Proud of you.


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## bigbellyroll (Oct 4, 2011)

Awww. You're very sweet. So, I guess those extra lbs really do show. LOL L


KHayes666 said:


> You've come a long way in the past year. Proud of you.


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## KHayes666 (Oct 4, 2011)

bigbellyroll said:


> Awww. You're very sweet. So, I guess those extra lbs really do show. LOL L



Oh yeah....definitely put on a few this past year. You look very beautiful, but then again you always have


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