# when you went from being pinocchio to being a real boy/man



## superodalisque (Aug 24, 2008)

i was very impressed today when i read a post in Raqui's thread about vegas bash memories by T-Devil. he was talking about his transition from basically being a fat fan into being --basically himself... 

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"I only attended 2 fnctions of the bash this year. I stayed with friends I met at the bash LAST year instead of staying at the hotel. By doing this, I have changed as a person, forever. 

"Before Vegas this year, I was merely content in being an FA and a fanboy of BBW webmodels. I'd talk to a couple, put them on my friends list and that was that. But after this year, I think I've become more. I want to be more than just a fanboy. I want to do something. I want to BE someone useful. I want to help those I can in anyway that I can, especially those that helped me realize all of my potential.

I am discovering things about myself that I only took for granted or was slightly amused by. The most profound of these being my writing. The more I do it, the more impassioned I become with it. I'm learning how powerful one persons opinion can be, and how moving their inspirtaion is. I'm learning there is a higher price to be paid in life with silence than there is in having a voice.

I'm realizing that I was given a gift by whoever crafted my soul and gave me my talents. I am using my lifetime of determination to focus and become what I want to be... someone useful to a cause that is large than himself.

All I have to offer is what I write, so I better make it count. Thanks to Vegas this year, I have that last thing that I was lacking, confidence."
_________________



_for some reason i had kind of thought if a guy was just a fat fan that he would just always kind of be that. i know that doesn't make sense but i realize now that its a process. for those of you who have made it , can you remember what triggered your growth from being a fan to being more? what was the moment for you?


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## southernfa (Aug 25, 2008)

Perhaps, like other processes in life, it is ongoing. 

I like the anology of becoming "real". One hears of so many ladies, particularly in the next generation, wanting their men to be "real", which is normally enough to completely befuddle said male who didn't realise up until that moment that he wasn't... 

But becoming really real is very attractive;

"Lead me from the unreal to the Real
Lead me from darkness to Light 
Lead me from death to Immortality" 
- Brihadaranyaka Upanishad


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## superodalisque (Aug 25, 2008)

becoming real is hard for anybody i think. its a long road though. people are forever pressuring their "friends" (us) to be someone who they can show off. and sometimes they forget that image they have of us might not be something that makes us happy. 

i had a similar problem growing up because i was expected to be with a certian kind of man by my friends family. they already had the race, income level and even his alma mater pegged for me. and when i made a different choice it was definitely not easy. but i felt a lot better with my real choice and becoming a real woman instead of spending the rest of my life being a piattola. so when i talk about myself and what i like my nose doesn't grow anymore.


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## Victim (Aug 25, 2008)

It happened quite recently for me.


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## superodalisque (Aug 25, 2008)

Victim said:


> It happened quite recently for me.



can you say what the pivotal moment was for you? what triggered it? if you can't yet its ok.


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## Victim (Aug 25, 2008)

I combination of events really. The BHMFFACONNECTION.COM played a big part in it too. Realizing there were women that found fat men attractive too opened my mind up a bit more. 

One pivotal event is when I was watching Top Gear at our Brit video club gathering. Billie Piper of Dr. Who fame basically came out as an FFA on that episode. "I like men with a bit of a belly on them" was her quote. Theresa then said "See, it works both ways."

I searched around until I found the BFC site and started to explore and talk to people in chat. I liked to write, so I figured if I could write about size acceptance as a whole I could understand the whole concept, not just my own FAness. I think I made a couple people there nervous about my intentions when I said I wrote and then referred to the site as "planet FFA" and how I'd just landed there and wanted to explore. 

Then something... happened. Someone slipped me The Red Pill. Maybe after I decided to stay for a while and drank the Koolaid.

Now I want to share how I feel about my FAness and size acceptance in general with everyone. The haters need to be shown The Real World, but I'm not sure how. I'm not yet The One, but I am beginning to believe...

Like T-Devil, my writing is becoming my voice. I'm just not sure how to make sure it is heard by those who need to hear it. I can preach to the choir all I want here, but that isn't what is needed. My fiction is trying to appeal to the non-fa crowd as well, maybe that will count for something.


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## southernfa (Aug 25, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> becoming real is hard for anybody i think. its a long road though. people are forever pressuring their "friends" (us) to be someone who they can show off. and sometimes they forget that image they have of us might not be something that makes us happy.
> 
> i had a similar problem growing up because i was expected to be with a certian kind of man by my friends family. they already had the race, income level and even his alma mater pegged for me. and when i made a different choice it was definitely not easy. but i felt a lot better with my real choice and becoming a real woman instead of spending the rest of my life being a piattola. so when i talk about myself and what i like my nose doesn't grow anymore.



A "piattola"? Thank heavens for google but who would ever mistake you for a microscopic crab insect thing?!? 

I suspect that being real is definitively not what we think it is, no matter what we think it is. I think we are are really just talking about simply being honest. Honest with ourselves and in the presence of others.


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## The Fez (Aug 25, 2008)

it hasn't quite happened to me yet, though it probably will when I move to the states and go to my first bash and the like. The community here has certainly boosted my 'status' so to speak though of how I consider myself truer to myself


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## superodalisque (Aug 25, 2008)

southernfa said:


> A "piattola"? Thank heavens for google but who would ever mistake you for a microscopic crab insect thing?!?
> 
> I suspect that being real is definitively not what we think it is, no matter what we think it is. I think we are are really just talking about simply being honest. Honest with ourselves and in the presence of others.




lol piattola is italian for a pain in the ass hehe. sort of like pinocchio is a take-off on pidocchio or a young louse --or at least thats my understanding. maybe asinella would have been better. thats a she-ass.


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## T_Devil (Aug 25, 2008)

I am in awe.
Thank you for this thread, superodalisque. I continue to see how my story effects others.

The thing with "becomming real" is that it's that moment where you begin to see things differently. I've felt this twice in my life. I felt it the first time when I gave myself to this attraction to big women without condition. The second time, the time in Vegas I wrote about, it was a more specfic feeling. Opportunity and my inner most traits and personal ideologies of dignity, honor and duity converged on one spot at one point in time, like sunlight through a magnifying glass. It ignited a more profound sense of what it was to be me in "this" world. I belong here more than I belong anywhere else.

Being around people who see things exactly like I did. Who thought like me and were motivated to the same ends as what I had always believed. To see them working hard and busting their asses to achieve it though. It's like a wave washed over me and I was left with desire. A desire for purpose. Now it's not that I want to make a difference. It's beyond that. I'm driven to it. I am willing to pick up my comfortable life and move it closer to where I will be able to affect all that I want to accomplish with greater ease.

I don't know what awaits me there. Great success? I could only hope. Abject failure? No, I will not accept failure because I will not accept defeat. I am ready to work harder than I have ever worked to achieve what I've only dreamed of. Being a part of this "BBW Thing" has always been a part of my destiny. I believe this because of all that I saw and experienced in Vegas. It was everything I felt, my interests, my knowledge and my beliefs laid out in front of me in a perfect pattern. 

It's something you don't see when you are in it. To see it, you have to see it from a different point of view. To step outside of what you know and what you think you know. It's like a labyrinth, when you are in it, you really cant see where your choices are leading you, but if you were to step above it, you see all of the twists and turns laid out in front of you.

I don't know where my future is going to lead me, but I do know that the decesions I have made were the correct ones because had I chosen even one thing differently, I would not be at this point now. I have learned that I just need to believe in myself now.



Victim said:


> Like T-Devil, my writing is becoming my voice. I'm just not sure how to make sure it is heard by those who need to hear it. I can preach to the choir all I want here, but that isn't what is needed. My fiction is trying to appeal to the non-fa crowd as well, maybe that will count for something.


 Just write what you feel. You write fiction, so develop charicters that are representative of emotions you feel. Give your charicters life by living through them. Not literally, but you create their universe, you control their destinies, all you need to is provide the conflict and their reactions to it. When you use a muse that you can realate to, often times you will create something that could only be felt by god.

big ups to you on writing fiction. I've tried, but I lack focus. I'm a natural born blogger!


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## olwen (Aug 25, 2008)

I think I might be a little confused by this thread. I don't think I understand what "just a fat fan" actually is....I think I'm taking it to mean someone who is turned on by fat but doesn't openly date fat people. Is that close? If not can anyone explain it?


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## superodalisque (Aug 25, 2008)

well, i think its anyone who likes fat women/men etc... but hasn't been able to connect up the rest of their lives to it yet. i think your thinking about more of a fetishist.


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## Chimpi (Aug 25, 2008)

Hmmmmmm...
I'm not sure if what olwen described is a fetishist at all. I am also confused by what you mean by "fat fan," but I'm going to reply based on your most recent post just before this - "hasn't been able to connect up the rest of their lives to it yet."

I know I still have a long way to go (or at least I hope so...), but I'm going to offer my point of view. I have not felt a specific sort of bend in the road from being a "fat fan" to a "real man." I do not feel that anything in my life connects to me loving fat women. I feel that it's just my orientation - I am sexually aroused by fat women and love the company of fat people. There are plenty of fat people in my daily life to which I give my attention, just as there are also thinner people to which I give my attention. 99% of those fat people in my life do not enjoy being fat, so I try to use my own self-acceptance and confidence as a way of showing them there's a different way of looking at it.
In no way does it make me less of a "real man" if I do not blog about Fat Acceptance / Size Acceptance. In no way does it make me less of a "real man" if I, or anyone else not even desire to be involved in Size Acceptance of any kind. I carry about my business as I always doing, making constant tweaks to alter who I am in a way that I feel is better for me, but only I can determine if I am a "real man" or not. Nothing specifically, I feel, 'makes' me one.
Sure, I fantasize. Sure, I masturbate to fat things. Sure, I acknowledge my love for fat women. But I also confess how much music is a part of my life, or that I live in an apartment, or that I drink Mountain Dew, or that I use hand lotion because I work with some harmful chemicals, or that I own an iPod, etc... It's just a part of me, a part of my every day life. I do not think I'm less of a man because of it nor a "real man" because of it. I'm just me and I try to live as confidently as I can in the way that I want to live.

Did I answer your question in any way relating to your question?


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## olwen (Aug 25, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> well, i think its anyone who likes fat women/men etc... but hasn't been able to connect up the rest of their lives to it yet. i think your thinking about more of a fetishist.



No...I wasn't thinking fetish at all since I no longer think of myself as a fetish. I guess I'm having a problem then when you say they have to "connect it up to the rest of their lives." This implies that there is a disconnect between what they like and everything else...as if these types of people have to say something like "I wish I was normal." Which means I am and you and every other fat person are abnormal, and I don't buy that and I don't think you do either judging from how confident you seem to be. 


.....but if I have to come at it from the fat person's perspective I can say that I used to feel like I was invisible to the rest of the world and trapped in my own fat bubble that only I could see thru. In that way there was a sort of disconnect, but I often felt like it was forced on me since I could see out when most could not see in. Meaning, there are too many people who don't understand what it means to be fat even when you try to explain it. That confused look on their faces never seems to go away... anyway, I see now that this may have been a choice I must have made. I chose to stay in the bubble until I figured out how to burst it. I hope this is making sense. 

After having said that I think I might understand what you mean here, but I guess I just don't like it.


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## olwen (Aug 25, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Hmmmmmm...
> I'm not sure if what olwen described is a fetishist at all. I am also confused by what you mean by "fat fan," but I'm going to reply based on your most recent post just before this - "hasn't been able to connect up the rest of their lives to it yet."
> 
> I know I still have a long way to go (or at least I hope so...), but I'm going to offer my point of view. I have not felt a specific sort of bend in the road from being a "fat fan" to a "real man." I do not feel that anything in my life connects to me loving fat women. I feel that it's just my orientation - I am sexually aroused by fat women and love the company of fat people. There are plenty of fat people in my daily life to which I give my attention, just as there are also thinner people to which I give my attention. 99% of those fat people in my life do not enjoy being fat, so I try to use my own self-acceptance and confidence as a way of showing them there's a different way of looking at it.
> ...



....I think I'm getting this concept now. The question then is "how does one incorporate their love of fatness and/or support of SA into their lives smoothly and successfully?" No? 

If so then this is perhaps a slightly different question with a completely different tone? AAack, I feel like I'm barley making sense here...


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## Canadian (Aug 26, 2008)

I got a pretty shitty deal, actually. I was a real boy up until August of 2007, at which point I actually turned into Pinocchio. Most days are okay, but the lows are really, really... well.... low, I guess. Like just the other day, I caught fire. Sat too close to a campfire. I guess it still hasn't sank in that I'm made of wood yet. The growing nose thing is annoying, too. Sigh. C'est la vie...


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## superodalisque (Sep 3, 2008)

what i mean by connecting it up to the rest of your life is when fat women or men are not just a sexual thing but a real part of your life. they aren't just sexy pix anymore or someone who fills your dreams. they are actual full human beings, not something to just get off on in private. you are really concerned about their happiness as well as your own. that doesn't mean the guy who doesn't quite make the full connection before is a bad person. it just means that he is not there yet. the same kind of things happen among other people as well.--not just FAs. sometimes it takes a while for people to go from sexual attraction to a real true and deep understanding of themselves and the people they are attracted to and by. 

and it also takes a while sometimes to know the difference between preference and attraction and deep love and friendship. i think it could take a lot more time for FAs just because the exposure to big girls is pretty limited on the whole. a lot of people didn't get to have the natural little crushes in middle school and high school that are common and accepted for everyone else. sometimes they don't even date until college or later. some haven't had an actual girlfriend until late--just maybe people they've slept with occassionally. and even then many times they might not be dating inside of their preference. then on top of all of that they have to get to a bbw who is capable of accepting their interest and affection who is "real" herself. meaning that she is not just pretending to accept herself. she isn't pretending to be a feedee etc.. just because she needs to to attract someone. she is not secretly craving WLS. there is a lot of that going on that FAs have to deal with as well. she is not going to ask you "why?" everytime you tell her she is beautiful. its tough to be real alone when you are trying to have a relationship.

as for a fetish, i don't think of myself as a fetish either but i find it doesn't stop others from treating me like one sometimes. there are times when i may as well be a shoe or some other inanimate object in the eyes of others. so for me anyone who claims to love the fat but really doesn't care who i am---well thats a fetishist. i know thats pretty eccentric but thats how i feel about it.

what i mean by fat fan is someone who loves looking at pix, loves following web models around, loves the titilation but doesn't really "connect" with bbws and their needs on a personal level except to fulfill their own fantasies etc... and again it doesn't make someone a bad person. its just that, thats where they are at the time because just having access is water after a desert sometimes. i'd never say that all FAs go through that but i think from my convos a lot have at one time or another. and thankfully a lot of them actually move beyond once they have had an opportunity to see people. because as a friend said this weekend--"its hard to meet a BBW--especially an SSBBW in the wild". and that happens for various reasons. sometimes its shame but more often than not its just logistics. after a full and difficult day getting to and from work and doing their job sometimes its all that an SSBBW can do to get home and get comfy finally. so for many of them going somewhere where they can be seen and met is out of the question. the fallout is FA who really adore them feel starved. and sometimes that conditon makes it hard for them to think about other things besides getting their hands or eyes on one for a while. 

true story: i have a friend in spain, very handsome, well educated, a true gentleman. when he says he never sees BBWs he is not kidding. i was there a few years ago and in 5 days in a major city i only saw 2. both were under 250lbs. so when he comes to dims to chat he is forever begging for more and more pix of he girls. they think he i a complete troll. but i've met him and he is very cultured, very polite, an excellent conversationalist and totally in control of his FAness. but when he is online his eyes are very hungry. i'm sure if he lived in the US and was more exposed he would be able to control himself a lot better online. tg he is a much different person in real life.


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## southernfa (Sep 3, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> "its hard to meet a BBW--especially an SSBBW in the wild". and that happens for various reasons. sometimes its shame but more often than not its just logistics.



Judging by the claimed subscription rates for the various dating sites around the world; it would seem hard enough for us each to find just one person compatible in terms of personality, outlook and so forth without getting too particular about physical preference. Given that for the relationship to work, said person has to like us in return and the odds are immediately halved and what happens if they get picky about how we look?

Having said that, I currently drag myself down to the local gym each morning and can quite happily say that I can see nothing remotely attractive in the toothpicks with hair racing around to ensure they haven't gained an ounce since the previous session. Maybe it is just that they look a bit controlling to me... (there is one BBW but I've seen how much she can bench press and that is just plain scary  )

Its a funny thing. I'd call myself a FA (hey, I do ~ Southern-FA  ) but in real life it is irrelevant. I have big friends and little friends, male and female. I love 'em all for who they are, not what shape they are. I think this is easier as middle-age encroaches and my social circle are starting to change shape. There is less and less effort put into trying to look like a 20-something once your hair goes or the first varicose vein arrives. 

It would have been cool if I had found a BBW soul-mate but it was never a deal-breaker. And I can't seriously imagine ever making it the most important factor in any relationship. 

Though, I think there is something to the Pinnochio analogy in as much as I reckon that guys want to be seen in public with a girl they think looks good. I don't think they are as concerned about whether other people think she looks good (if they are, then perhaps they are just the puppet/boy). But if a man isn't happy about being see in public with a girl then perhaps he needs to face up to the fact that he doesn't really find her that attractive, no matter what he 'thinks'.


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## altered states (Sep 3, 2008)

I've been with someone for almost 20 years who frankly doesn't match what I enjoy looking at regularly on the paysite board. However I still hope I'm lucky enough to spend the next 20 years and the next 20 after that with her. I'm not pinnochio now, nor would I be a real man if I dumped her and got with the "woman of my dreams." Actually, I'd be a superficial asshole.


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## wrestlingguy (Sep 3, 2008)

For me, it was just around 7 years ago. I know that I've been around here far longer than that, but I think my transition was gradual.

I also think that it's not just about becoming the FA that I am today. It's about learning about being true to yourself, and how you relate to others, as a friend, or a lover, or partner.

I can tell you that I was not the guy who looked through the glass FA. I dated several BBW's over the years that I likely did not have the tools to be in a relationship with, and ended up causing them considerable pain. I will always regret that.

When I met my wife, I still don't think I had what it took to be involved with her, but knew if I had any chance with her, I had to change within myself. I was lucky, and was able to look inside & make the necessary changes. I'm not perfect, but I'm better than I was seven years ago.


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## olwen (Sep 3, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> what i mean by connecting it up to the rest of your life is when fat women or men are not just a sexual thing but a real part of your life. they aren't just sexy pix anymore or someone who fills your dreams. they are actual full human beings, not something to just get off on in private. you are really concerned about their happiness as well as your own. that doesn't mean the guy who doesn't quite make the full connection before is a bad person. it just means that he is not there yet. the same kind of things happen among other people as well.--not just FAs. sometimes it takes a while for people to go from sexual attraction to a real true and deep understanding of themselves and the people they are attracted to and by.
> 
> and it also takes a while sometimes to know the difference between preference and attraction and deep love and friendship. i think it could take a lot more time for FAs just because the exposure to big girls is pretty limited on the whole. a lot of people didn't get to have the natural little crushes in middle school and high school that are common and accepted for everyone else. sometimes they don't even date until college or later. some haven't had an actual girlfriend until late--just maybe people they've slept with occassionally. and even then many times they might not be dating inside of their preference. then on top of all of that they have to get to a bbw who is capable of accepting their interest and affection who is "real" herself. meaning that she is not just pretending to accept herself. she isn't pretending to be a feedee etc.. just because she needs to to attract someone. she is not secretly craving WLS. there is a lot of that going on that FAs have to deal with as well. she is not going to ask you "why?" everytime you tell her she is beautiful. its tough to be real alone when you are trying to have a relationship.
> 
> ...



SuperO, I'm really trying to understand this concept. Thanks for this explanation. If we are talking about people and not actual fetishes, then it just seems to me that once you know what you like then that's it. Once you realize that, then questioning it just seems unnecessary. I just don't understand why it takes so much effort to just accept it and own it....the explanations you provide are probably very apt, but they just seem ass backwards to me...

What I do understand is when a person who likes feeding/gaining struggles with that. I think a good number of people with fetishes do question and struggle with them. That part makes sense to me. 

I Also understand when an FA does own it but does have to deal with confidence issues. That can be frustrating, but it's a bit of a catch 22 tho isn't it? You want the person to be confident and accepting of you already but you also know that instilling that confidence sometimes has to come from you. It turns out to be a lot of work. Of that I have experience, but you know, we were both fat and I didn't have enough energy to have confidence for both of us. I do think tho that if the FA is thin then they ought to have enough to go around since there is less shit for them to deal with in general....but I do think it is a wasted effort if the fat person they are with refuses to listen after a while, but this is a separate issue perhaps worthy of it's own thread. 

For the FAs who are starved...learning to control themselves is just seems like a normal thing to have to do. If you can get the stimulus you need from sites on the internet that are designed for that.....remembering that the models are still human shouldn't be such a stretch of the imagination either no matter what you like, but then again that's probably a topic for another thread....


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## superodalisque (Sep 5, 2008)

olwen said:


> SuperO, I'm really trying to understand this concept. Thanks for this explanation. If we are talking about people and not actual fetishes, then it just seems to me that once you know what you like then that's it. Once you realize that, then questioning it just seems unnecessary. I just don't understand why it takes so much effort to just accept it and own it....the explanations you provide are probably very apt, but they just seem ass backwards to me...
> 
> What I do understand is when a person who likes feeding/gaining struggles with that. I think a good number of people with fetishes do question and struggle with them. That part makes sense to me.
> 
> ...



i think i need to clarify further. the thing is i don't think this part of the struggle for an FA is any different than the struggle many men have. its not really about being in the closet, feederism or any other FA specific issue. its more about understanding the entirety of what a woman is. when you start to really understand a woman and what she is her challenge becomes your challenge. no matter what it might be. it might be feminism, or race etc... its just about connecting fully with her and yourself on a completely human level an not just a sexual one.


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## olwen (Sep 5, 2008)

Okay, lemmie see if I get it this time: so you are just talking about men going from being immature to mature? That they are like pinnochio until they learn that they have to finally grow up and be responsible people?...that sounds like an everybody kinda issue tho....


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## Victim (Sep 5, 2008)

If they were Pinocchio, then facesitting could get rather interesting...


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## olwen (Sep 6, 2008)

Victim said:


> If they were Pinocchio, then facesitting could get rather interesting...



Yeah, especially if you get a splinter.


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## superodalisque (Sep 6, 2008)

olwen said:


> Okay, lemmie see if I get it this time: so you are just talking about men going from being immature to mature? That they are like pinnochio until they learn that they have to finally grow up and be responsible people?...that sounds like an everybody kinda issue tho....



thats the whole point. we get so wrapped up in FAdom and BBWdom that sometimes we forget we are just regular old people and not everything is a function of either being fat or liking fat. we forget that we still have to develop as people. so when we have problems we might rely too heavily on those things as the reason. 

an FA in my opinion is nothing more than a man who thinks fat girls are pretty and sexy. should it be a big deal--probably not. i'm fat but i'm also a woman like any other. i think we have to be careful not to become one faceted. we endanger our happiness by allowing one element to rule our entire life. and also we don't look at ourselves clearly when we let one issue overwhelm everything we do, even when its an important issue.


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## olwen (Sep 6, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> thats the whole point. we get so wrapped up in FAdom and BBWdom that sometimes we forget we are just regular old people and not everything is a function of either being fat or liking fat. we forget that we still have to develop as people. so when we have problems we might rely too heavily on those things as the reason.
> 
> an FA in my opinion is nothing more than a man who thinks fat girls are pretty and sexy. should it be a big deal--probably not. i'm fat but i'm also a woman like any other. i think we have to be careful not to become one faceted. we endanger our happiness by allowing one element to rule our entire life. and also we don't look at ourselves clearly when we let one issue overwhelm everything we do, even when its an important issue.



Okay, I see. This is actually something I've been thinking about a lot lately since I've reached a point quite recently in fact where I realized there is more to me than fat, but you know, it's just tough when our fat is used as a scapegoat for all our problems by just about everybody (you know, the usual cast of suspects: media, family, friends, doctors, etc), and you don't have much emotional support. I wish the internet had been at the stage it is now when I was a teen. It would have helped tremendously. 

This FA business....I suppose they all just have to find a happy medium. They should treat their SOs like they are just people, but they can't forget that they are still people with problems they may not ever have had but they still need to be mindfull of that. They have to be able to do that extra thing that the average SO doesn't and they have to be able to handle it. It's demanding but, once they do meet the demand they know that the rewards are well worth the work.


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## altered states (Sep 6, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i think i need to clarify further. the thing is i don't think this part of the struggle for an FA is any different than the struggle many men have. its not really about being in the closet, feederism or any other FA specific issue. its more about understanding the entirety of what a woman is. when you start to really understand a woman and what she is her challenge becomes your challenge. no matter what it might be. it might be feminism, or race etc... its just about connecting fully with her and yourself on a completely human level an not just a sexual one.



Now this I can get with. For me it happened in stages, the last of which probably occurred in the last few years. It had definitely had to do with working hard at fixing my own head. There's no way you can relate to another person in a real way if you don't know yourself.


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## kioewen (Sep 10, 2008)

southernfa said:


> I suspect that being real is definitively not what we think it is, no matter what we think it is. I think we are are really just talking about simply being honest. Honest with ourselves and in the presence of others.



This is not dissimilar from what one hears in a great deal of self-help literature, and even, in a watered-down form, in feel-good movies. "Be real." "Be yourself." "Be honest." Or more poetically, "Be true to yourself." And so forth.

I have no doubt that such counsel is always well meant, but I think there's a huge problem with it too, because it presupposes that whatever one's real self is, is going to be attractive to others. It may not be.

In fact, one can be very honest (in general, and about oneself), and one may very real ("This is who I really am"), but if being that way ends up making you unappealing to others, then where are you?

(In a lonely world, that's where.)

I think somewhere in the be-honest-and-real mantra must also come the hard realization that, for some people, you have to become _better_ than your first impulses, _better_ than you who honestly really are, or you will never make the transition that I think the O.P. talked about, from being just an admirer to being someone who can form a lasting real-life relationship.


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## chocolatebluesdiva (Sep 10, 2008)

Well, I am not a boy/man. But I have seen one FA grow into a man. One of my favorite people who I've known for about a decade maybe longer. And I can say that the difference is amazing. When people look at you like you are a fat "goddess" or some other pedestal-type of person, it can be as frustrating as when skinny b*tches call you a blob... like you are only skin deep. But when a man can realize that you are more than your fat and life does not revolve around gaining or feederisms or if your thighs grew an inch or how strong you may or may not be... that's BEAUTIFUL. 

The sexiest thing is when a man appreciates your fat and adores you inspite of it. :happy:

Just wanted 2 cents in the post.


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## southernfa (Sep 10, 2008)

kioewen said:


> This is not dissimilar from what one hears in a great deal of self-help literature, and even, in a watered-down form, in feel-good movies. "Be real." "Be yourself." "Be honest." Or more poetically, "Be true to yourself." And so forth.
> 
> I have no doubt that such counsel is always well meant, but I think there's a huge problem with it too, because it presupposes that whatever one's real self is, is going to be attractive to others. It may not be.
> 
> ...



Without knowing what literature you refer to, it is hard to comment. However, for the sake of argument, what we really are, may in fact be the subject of considerable self-examination and not at all who we really _think _we are, at least initially. Then as you say, one would have to admit the possibility that there is a need to become better than one's initial impulses if one wishes to improve oneself.

It also seems reasonable that in that process of self-betterment, one would become more attractive as well.

This would seem to be quite different from "being true to yourself" in the sense of being egoistically obstinate.


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## LillyBBBW (Sep 10, 2008)

Canadian said:


> I got a pretty shitty deal, actually. I was a real boy up until August of 2007, at which point I actually turned into Pinocchio. Most days are okay, but the lows are really, really... well.... low, I guess. Like just the other day, I caught fire. Sat too close to a campfire. I guess it still hasn't sank in that I'm made of wood yet. The growing nose thing is annoying, too. Sigh. C'est la vie...



I'm aroused by this strangely enough.


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## Raqui (Sep 10, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> For me, it was just around 7 years ago. I know that I've been around here far longer than that, but I think my transition was gradual.
> 
> I also think that it's not just about becoming the FA that I am today. It's about learning about being true to yourself, and how you relate to others, as a friend, or a lover, or partner.
> 
> ...



I think that is the beauty of a person who decides to become real. You begin to really look at yourself, then you look at the other person and you really work hard toward making something beautiful.

And it doesnt have to be perfection, But it is beautiful still the same. Actually being able to realize that is something grand.


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## Raqui (Sep 10, 2008)

In my mind being REAL

Loving a Fat Woman or Man takes more than your eyes? Being a FA in the EYES only is just the begining. Being able to admit it second stage.

Realising you want to LOVE ONE that is three in my mind

BECOMING REAL - what a thought if only more men could be real

Talking from a womans view. because i am a woman.

Becoming real is a diffrent story for everyone. Loving a Fat Man or Woman during everything that a FAT LIFE may have.

When you become real you being to work with the person you say you love.

You are not selfish only thinking of yourself, You think of them.

Thus the FAT PERSON should also.

Becoming Real is when you put petty things to the side and handle the REAL issues and problems that may arise. 

These issues and problems will be diffrent according to the relationship. But when you become real you understand that to be able to love the other person you have to give of yourself most importantly COMMUNICATION.

for example. there are tons of subjects that may arise.

Mobility
Clothing Options
Mannerisms
Sex
Life Views
Activities
Family
Social Scene

We can go on and on, What happens is when an you BECOME REAL. You actually tackkle the problems not ignore them or refuse to deal with them. They are their and it is your Job to REALLY BECOME REAL and work hard toward finding a good solution to these subjects if they become a problem.

Becoming REAL means not just daydreaming about the person you want it is doing all the work and neccsary changes to have the person you want in your life.

That goes for all sides.


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## superodalisque (Sep 11, 2008)

kioewen said:


> This is not dissimilar from what one hears in a great deal of self-help literature, and even, in a watered-down form, in feel-good movies. "Be real." "Be yourself." "Be honest." Or more poetically, "Be true to yourself." And so forth.
> 
> I have no doubt that such counsel is always well meant, but I think there's a huge problem with it too, because it presupposes that whatever one's real self is, is going to be attractive to others. It may not be.
> 
> ...


i think in the short term the truth can be harsh, but long term it the kindest thing. the most unappealing thing in my opinion is being lied to and finding out that a person you thought you knew was totally different. first impulses are not always the truth about a person. it may be a reflex. it may be social or self conditioning. i do however believe in self restraint. but in the end in order not to hurt people i think its important to find out what your truth is and apply it in a humane way. sometimes the truth may not be pretty but at least if we know it we can make a good choice and not feel like we've wasted our lives.


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## superodalisque (Sep 11, 2008)

chocolatebluesdiva said:


> Well, I am not a boy/man. But I have seen one FA grow into a man. One of my favorite people who I've known for about a decade maybe longer. And I can say that the difference is amazing. When people look at you like you are a fat "goddess" or some other pedestal-type of person, it can be as frustrating as when skinny b*tches call you a blob... like you are only skin deep. But when a man can realize that you are more than your fat and life does not revolve around gaining or feederisms or if your thighs grew an inch or how strong you may or may not be... that's BEAUTIFUL.
> 
> The sexiest thing is when a man appreciates your fat and adores you inspite of it. :happy:
> 
> Just wanted 2 cents in the post.



now that is beautiful isn't it


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Sep 11, 2008)

What is real? 

Seriously. I've heard this word knocked around a lot and bent to various different purposes even if it means twisting it till it screams.

What does "real" mean here? I'm guessing it's not "something you can touch".


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## southernfa (Sep 11, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> What is real?
> 
> Seriously. I've heard this word knocked around a lot and bent to various different purposes even if it means twisting it till it screams.
> 
> What does "real" mean here? I'm guessing it's not "something you can touch".



Philosophers have pondered over this one for millenia, but I'm going to stick with a simple rule when it comes to relationships;
"Real" is what guys are supposed to be.
"Wrong" is what we are.


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## Raqui (Sep 11, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> What is real?
> 
> Seriously. I've heard this word knocked around a lot and bent to various different purposes even if it means twisting it till it screams.
> 
> What does "real" mean here? I'm guessing it's not "something you can touch".




I am speaking from my own view of course.

REAL is when you dont have to lie, there is no cover ups, When you can be an adult and handle adult issues, we all are slowly growing up trying to be as real as possible, but some would rather just not deal with things.

REAL is when you can face when you are wrong handle with out ego when you are right, and realize that somethings just are not wrong or right they are different views and being able to see anther's view and feel what they feel and understand only makes you better. To then be able to work together on these views is even more REAL

REAL is doing all you can for what you believe in and not making excuses, To be able to tell it like it is but also with a measure of kindness and support. Just because you have to face reality doesn't mean you can use it break a persons spirit.

REAL is knowing your strength and your weakness and working accordingly, to be able to accept it and make it better. In the meantime while you are becoming better to take responsibility for the mistakes made, have joy at your progress, and take pride in the fact that you are making the choice to improve yourself.

You can go on and on.


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## Tad (Sep 11, 2008)

southernfa said:


> Philosophers have pondered over this one for millenia, but I'm going to stick with a simple rule when it comes to relationships;
> "Real" is what guys are supposed to be.
> "Wrong" is what we are.



Don't forget that sometimes we can be "_real_ly wrong" too!

(and it also brings up that thorny philosophical question, if a husband is in a forest and there is nobody to hear him speak, is he still wrong? But then I suppose he's conjectural so not real either.....)


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## southernfa (Sep 11, 2008)

edx said:


> Don't forget that sometimes we can be "_real_ly wrong" too!


 


edx said:


> (and it also brings up that thorny philosophical question, if a husband is in a forest and there is nobody to hear him speak, is he still wrong? But then I suppose he's conjectural so not real either.....)



I believe the correct answer to the husband in the forest paradox is in fact another question: "If he is alone, who gave him permission to speak?"


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## Raqui (Sep 11, 2008)

edx said:


> Don't forget that sometimes we can be "_real_ly wrong" too!
> 
> (and it also brings up that thorny philosophical question, if a husband is in a forest and there is nobody to hear him speak, is he still wrong? But then I suppose he's conjectural so not real either.....)




My view on this is 

If the husband is in a forest and there is nobody to hear him speak, is he still wrong?

Who is he speaking to? 

And in reality if he is talking to no one maybe he is insane. Thus we know SOMETHING IS WRONG!!! LOL


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## Victim (Sep 11, 2008)

If he's been driven insane, then we know a woman was involved.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Sep 11, 2008)

Raqui said:


> I am speaking from my own view of course.
> 
> REAL is when you dont have to lie, there is no cover ups, When you can be an adult and handle adult issues, we all are slowly growing up trying to be as real as possible, but some would rather just not deal with things.
> 
> ...




So by your defintion, you can't be "real" withouf first achieving full self-actualization and becoming a neitzchean ubermiensch? 

You seem to be equating real with some kind of maximiized ideal of dubious achievability. I doubt few human beings truly do all the can for what they believe in, for example.


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