# When FAT ADMIRATION and HEALTH issues do intercross



## ciccia (May 18, 2006)

I'd like FAs and FFAs to share opinions and experiences..

A loving couple. A FFA. An almost-BHM.
He loves food. He claims not to care if to be fat or thin. He knows she's a FFA. Probably he wouldn't mind to get chubbier to make her happy. 
But he's been told that some more fat may lead to a risk of not being able to walk.
She cares about him. So she doesn't know what to think, in what to believe, what to consider a priority, if to attempt to deny her desires, how to do her best and what would actually be that best.
She feels like standing in the middle of a crossroad, blind, without a map, having no idea of where to go and how to get there.


----------



## AZ_Wolf (May 18, 2006)

If he's only an almost-BHM, how will his gaining weight lead him to almost not being able to walk? Is there anything else at play?


----------



## ciccia (May 18, 2006)

AZ_Wolf said:


> If he's only an almost-BHM, how will his gaining weight lead him to almost not being able to walk? Is there anything else at play?



Almost-BHM weights around 94-95 kg, but he had a knee operation and after that he's supposed to carry as little weight as possible. So, not only mustn't he gain any more, but he actually should lose some 10-20 kg.

Very simple. Very sad.


----------



## AZ_Wolf (May 18, 2006)

Then you need to decide how strong your feelings are about him. If they're genuine, then FFAness should take a back seat.


----------



## ciccia (May 18, 2006)

AZ_Wolf said:


> Then you need to decide how strong your feelings are about him. If they're genuine, then FFAness should take a back seat.



They are. But it's not that easy! I don't live on a desert island, we live together, and, even if he says he should go on a diet etc, he still loves food - and i'm not able to forbid my body to get aroused seeing him eat like there's no tomorrow, and he still is really far from being slim - and to make my FFAness take a back seat i would have to stop watching him at all. 

I don't even know if there's a way to avoid any kind of suffering - that is - he sort of suffers thinking of harming himself being overweight, but also he suffers being hungry, i've seen him try going on a diet several times, and i'm not pretty sure he could easily handle it.

We've talked it over too, but there's no conclusion. What the hell can we conclude.. So we're just being informed.


----------



## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 18, 2006)

Being a FFA myself, it would have to take a backseat. I have been in similar situations before. While it's difficult to ignore what you're attracted to, physical only goes so far anyway.

While initially it may be the physical that grabs my attention, it's the person inside the body that is my true object of desire. But, maybe that's just me. When health comes into play, I always feel it best to do what you can to maintain your health.


----------



## missaf (May 18, 2006)

BeB said just what I wanted to say 
I love men first for their minds, second for their bodies, which is why I date and love men of all sizes.


----------



## ciccia (May 18, 2006)

missaf said:


> BeB said just what I wanted to say
> I love men first for their minds, second for their bodies, which is why I date and love men of all sizes.



I thank both of you, you have a reason. And actually when we met his weight was around 83 kg, so he was only slightly chubby, and i definately fell in love with HIM, not his body.

I just feel a little sad because i'm too serious about him and i guess i'd love to spend the entire life with him, that's why i wish there were no fundamental controversions. 

And deamn me if he doesn't start to like seeing me aroused in less than a second when he lets me touch him or watch him nude! :wubu: 

Once, he said that riding a bicycle may help him to renforce his knee.. I'm not really fond of monotonous sports, i prefer extreme ones, but i'm gonna buy a bicycle tonight and make sure to go cycling in the countryside together as much as possible.
Donno if this would solve the problem. I simply can't give up on this.


----------



## Reads4Work (May 18, 2006)

I think the excercise part is definitely a must for the sake of his knee. Walking and bikeriding will do wonders. Also yoga would help. I'd also suggest traditional foods which tend to be very healthy. Any time I go to Italy I lose weight because the quality of the food is so much better than here in the states, plus there is so much walking (and I get tired of being told I'm "grosso"). When cousins come out here, they gain a bunch of weight.

Scrivi inglese bene. Scrivo poco Italiano, ma mi piace parlare Italiano. . . . penso!!!!


----------



## inertia (May 18, 2006)

oh gawd. nightmare.

i have to admit: i'm not like missaf and blueeyedbanshee. For me, the physical attraction is everything and i couldn't get past that. I'm completely focused on visual stimulation. I can date a guy i don't particularly like as long as he's fat. Conversely, the nicest and funniest guy in the world wouldn't interest me in the slightest unless he was overweight. 

So...I would say that knowing a guy was losing weight would end my feelings for him. If it was me, I would have to just be friends with him.

But that's me, and i'm pretty shallow.


----------



## William (May 18, 2006)

Deep down, I'm pretty superficial.

--- Ava Gardner (1922-1990)


William 





inertia said:


> oh gawd. nightmare.
> 
> i have to admit: i'm not like missaf and blueeyedbanshee. For me, the physical attraction is everything and i couldn't get past that. I'm completely focused on visual stimulation. I can date a guy i don't particularly like as long as he's fat. Conversely, the nicest and funniest guy in the world wouldn't interest me in the slightest unless he was overweight.
> 
> ...


----------



## ciccia (May 19, 2006)

Reads4Work said:


> I think the excercise part is definitely a must for the sake of his knee. Walking and bikeriding will do wonders. Also yoga would help. I'd also suggest traditional foods which tend to be very healthy. Any time I go to Italy I lose weight because the quality of the food is so much better than here in the states,



As for the food, you have a reason - it's definately healthier here, but it's also too good to resist it!



Reads4Work said:


> plus there is so much walking



Well, if you come here for business of tourism then yes, but usually we drive too  



Reads4Work said:


> (and I get tired of being told I'm "grosso").



Do you mean "gr*a*sso" (fat) or "gr*o*sso" (big)?



Reads4Work said:


> When cousins come out here, they gain a bunch of weight.



I've got an idea  Once in lifetime we should visit the States!  



Reads4Work said:


> Scrivi inglese bene. Scrivo poco Italiano, ma mi piace parlare Italiano. . . . penso!!!!



Complimenti! Scrivi bene pure tu  Vieni spesso in Italia?


----------



## ciccia (May 19, 2006)

inertia said:


> oh gawd. nightmare.
> 
> i have to admit: i'm not like missaf and blueeyedbanshee. For me, the physical attraction is everything and i couldn't get past that. I'm completely focused on visual stimulation. I can date a guy i don't particularly like as long as he's fat. Conversely, the nicest and funniest guy in the world wouldn't interest me in the slightest unless he was overweight.
> 
> ...



I guess that for me the importance of fat is the same. 

Last weekend when we went shopping for trousers i saw him take those one size smaller and two sizes smaller than usual to try on... i was terrified... no, not terrified, but *TERRIFIED*. At last i discovered that was nothing more than a hope  . And we happily took several 56 size pairs  

But actually caring about his health and admiring him fat don't differ that much by the level of importance.

So there's only one way out - to get both. This would be pretty tough, i know. But i belong to that dumb kind of people who get what they desire no matter how much it costs. :doh: 
I'll see how will it go with cycling... I'll see...


----------



## pointandlaugh (May 19, 2006)

inertia said:


> oh gawd. nightmare.
> 
> i have to admit: i'm not like missaf and blueeyedbanshee. For me, the physical attraction is everything and i couldn't get past that. I'm completely focused on visual stimulation. I can date a guy i don't particularly like as long as he's fat. Conversely, the nicest and funniest guy in the world wouldn't interest me in the slightest unless he was overweight.
> 
> ...



do u actualy care bout ur bf? if dat waz me + i found out dat you only liked me coz i was fat i wud b hurt. is tere any feeling 4 u or cud ne1 take u away from him?


----------



## Buffetbelly (May 19, 2006)

It's true that arthitis of the knee is more common in people with higher weight. However, I don't think we're talking about arthtitis here. It's also true that many activities like running on hard pavement put more stress (in the engineering sense --more force per square inch) on the knees than walking or non-impact exercise and much more than simply being heavier than average --even if you're twice as heavy. It's also true that orthopedists are among the most size-prejudiced doctors as they are in the tradition of sports medicine.

The bottom line is that there is no disease that is exclusive to fat people. Thin people and fat people get all the same diseases. Some diseases may be statistically more common in fat people, but there could be many causes for this, including social factors and the regard a person has for his body. Fat people are encouraged to hate their bodies, and when you hate your body you do not take care of it. A fat man with a partner who loves his body and cares what happens to him is going to be much healthier than a fat man who hates his body and lives alone or in an unhappy relationship.


----------



## inertia (May 19, 2006)

hello, pointandlaugh. I had to get someone younger than me to translate your post, by the way. You kids!

In reply; i love and respect my boyfriend very much. _BUT_...if he got thin i wouldn't be attracted to him any more. I'd still love him, but in a different way. We'd be friends rather than lovers. That's the truth, and he knows that. 

It's not very pleasant thing to say but, hey, at least i'm honest. I'm ALL about looks. I just hope he never loses weight, then it won't be an issue...


----------



## Tad (May 19, 2006)

ciccia said:


> I thank both of you, you have a reason. And actually when we met his weight was around 83 kg, so he was only slightly chubby, and i definately fell in love with HIM, not his body.
> 
> ................
> 
> ...



Hey Ciccia, just some semi-random thoughts and comments.

There are a lot of different ways that knees can be damaged. My wife had bad knees, with the problem being no cartilage left on the inside of the knee cap, so the leg bones rub right against the knee cap. She was told to avoid high impact sports like jogging and downhill skiing.

The funny thing is that when she started having the knee problems, she was about 65kg--this was just before we met. As we dated she gained weight, until several years later she was at her heaviest of about 108 kg. The funny thing is that during this time, her knees got better. Since then she has lost some weight (down to about 95kg), and she has still has very little knee problems. 

I think a few things helped her. First, she was very careful not to hurt her knees--each time you do that they get a little worse. So for example she avoided long flights of stairs (up or down) which she found made her knees hurt, and she stayed away from things where she was apt to fall and bang her knees again. Second, she started buying very good shoes (Doc Martens), which give good support and impact absorbtion, so that she will not have as much impact on her knees when walking around. Third, she started biking more and more. At first she had to be very careful on hills and gear down a lot, or she could stress her knees, but as she got stronger she has been able to push harder.

Now, as she got heavier there was obviously more weight on her knee, but sometimes I wonder if somehow the fat did not also cushion shocks a little better too? Or maybe just tended to make her move a little more slowly, which made less shock?

Also, yes, when you like your partner fat, and enjoy seeing them get fatter, it is hard to see them get smaller. But at the same time, you can enjoy the memories of them growing, and appreciate the chubbiness that they still have. Maybe encourage your boyfriend to work on gradually building up his leg strength while being very careful of his knee, while losing just a little bit of weight. Since it sounds like he is not so good at losing weight, maybe in a year he will find that he has lost only a little weight, but has much less knee problems? 

Oh, and biking is not so dull, I think, if you ride behind him and watch his large legs pumping up and down, see how belly bulges out over his pants as he leans over the handle-bars, etc.  At least, I've never gotten bored of biking behind my wife :wubu: 

Regards;

-Ed


----------



## pointandlaugh (May 19, 2006)

inertia said:


> hello, pointandlaugh. I had to get someone younger than me to translate your post, by the way. You kids!
> 
> In reply; i love and respect my boyfriend very much. _BUT_...if he got thin i wouldn't be attracted to him any more. I'd still love him, but in a different way. We'd be friends rather than lovers. That's the truth, and he knows that.
> 
> It's not very pleasant thing to say but, hey, at least i'm honest. I'm ALL about looks. I just hope he never loses weight, then it won't be an issue...



i am nt a kid i am 21. i dnt c hw u cud lose all feelings 4 ur bf if he lost weight? 4 me i think dat tere is physical atraction bt ten u find otha things dat u like. i kno dat i luv fat gurls bt wen i d8 them i find otha things to like nt just da fat. 

wud he av 2 lose lots of weight 4 u 2 nt like him? or just a little? how big is he?

i waz just wondering if ne fat guy cud win u ova by bein fatter than ur bf or r u strong 2gether?


----------



## inertia (May 19, 2006)

hello again, pointandlaugh (interesting name). 

i don't think, at this stage, that anyone else could tempt me away from my boyfriend (though, obviously, i like to look at pictures of other fat guys). Still, this is kind of a complicated issue for me. 

of _course_ there are things i like about him other than his body but if i wasn't attracted to his body then we'd just be friends rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. See? 

I could probably tolerate him losing some weight if he didn't draw attention to it, but if i knew he was actively trying to lose it that would put me off him immediately. See what I mean? Because I am primarily interested in guys gaining, not just _being _fat, I have to be able to be able to imagine that he is putting on weight. So if i knew he was losing weight, i wouldn't be able to get off. 

I don't actually know how big my fella is (don't have a scale: i'll have to get one!) but think he is about twenty-twenty one stone (280-294ish lbs). He says he is heavier but i'm not convinced...

yeah, we are strong as far as i'm concerned. We are just about to move into our first flat (apartment?) together so i bloody hope so!

to edx: you're right: biking is terrific, despite the 'beneficial' effects of the exercise it provides. So much fun. I definitely endorse that recommendation.


----------



## LoveBHMS (May 20, 2006)

In this case the original poster was talking about a specific problem, not 'health' in general, so the argument 'there are no diseases only fat people get' is not applicable.

This man's doctor has told him his joints can not support a higher weight, so he shouldn't weigh more. This is pretty simple.

If a man had a big boob fetish, and his partner's doctor said that her large breasts were causing back pain and spine curvature, then she needs a reduction. I don't think her first concern should be her partner's fetish.

First off, consider if you can be attracted to him if he's thin, if not, you need to consider if you'll continue the relationship without your sexual desires being as strong. If you CAN still be attracted to him, what I think the two of you can do is work on ways to satisfy your fetish buy not sacrifice his health. You can look at fat porn together, read WG fiction, watch fat porn movies, indulge in fantasy talk. Since he can't gain weight, he can exercise and maybe you can do a weekly or biweekly stuffing so you can watch him eat and enjoy a swollen tummy without him gaining.


----------



## William (May 20, 2006)

Hi 

You are right, but some Doctors will take this fact to the extreme and have the guy dieting down to PeeWee Herman size!!

This guy will know himself when he has reached the weight that is his "equilibrium point"

William




LoveBHMS said:


> In this case the original poster was talking about a specific problem, not 'health' in general, so the argument 'there are no diseases only fat people get' is not applicable.
> 
> This man's doctor has told him his joints can not support a higher weight, so he shouldn't weigh more. This is pretty simple.
> 
> ...


----------



## pointandlaugh (May 20, 2006)

inertia said:


> hello again, pointandlaugh (interesting name).
> 
> i don't think, at this stage, that anyone else could tempt me away from my boyfriend (though, obviously, i like to look at pictures of other fat guys). Still, this is kind of a complicated issue for me.
> 
> ...



my name is kinda bita fun. with bein a big dood i got teased a lot @ skool they pointed and laughed. i am confortable wiv my w8 now so i make a joke from it.

im not sure wot i fink of this gaining fing. i like chubby gurls but im mainly on ere 2 get confidence bout bein fat. i am bout 25 stones and i want 2 lose some w8 as i cant find a gurl who will accept me as i am.

inertica, i really fancy u. do u av ne mor pics? cud u message me wiv them?

does ur bf kno u like gainin as well as him bein fat? mayb he will gain 4 u? i will gain for u.


----------



## ciccia (May 20, 2006)

Buffetbelly said:


> It's true that arthitis of the knee is more common in people with higher weight. However, I don't think we're talking about arthtitis here.



Yep, his knee's been operated few years ago and now it doesn't function as good as before.



Buffetbelly said:


> The bottom line is that there is no disease that is exclusive to fat people. Thin people and fat people get all the same diseases. Some diseases may be statistically more common in fat people, but there could be many causes for this, including social factors and the regard a person has for his body. Fat people are encouraged to hate their bodies, and when you hate your body you do not take care of it. A fat man with a partner who loves his body and cares what happens to him is going to be much healthier than a fat man who hates his body and lives alone or in an unhappy relationship.



AND HERE YOU ARE COMPLETELY RIGHT. If i only knew how to explain!


----------



## ciccia (May 20, 2006)

edx said:


> Hey Ciccia, just some semi-random thoughts and comments.
> 
> There are a lot of different ways that knees can be damaged. My wife had bad knees, with the problem being no cartilage left on the inside of the knee cap, so the leg bones rub right against the knee cap. She was told to avoid high impact sports like jogging and downhill skiing.
> 
> ...




Thank you Ed! 
You're so sweet!
I really loved reading about the experience of your wife!

I actually believe that some things we are sure of come true with a higher probability.
I mean that if someone believes that something causes a problem, than this problem would appear.
So if somebody believes that being fat damages his knee, than he unconsiously tries to prove his belief, looks for the "signs" and interprets them the way to convince himself even more. I don't know how to pull a person away from that circle..

We got the bikes today, yep, it's a lovely thing to see his cute ass in front of me! :wubu: 

But.. we came home, he took a loaf of bread for dinner and nothing else. He says he's not hungry. I don't know what's on his mind and i'm worried as hell. So i didn't have dinner too. For several days he eats almost nothing. And here i am, worried more than angry, writing this post. Maybe it's not very nice of me to discuss our personal struggles on public, but what else can i do if everything i say makes him angry and he doesn't want to talk. I wonder how important the FFAsness is. But it's also true that i worry not only because he would lose weight, but also because i care about him, and i know that if someone suddenly changes the habits, it's a bad sign and there's something that goes wrong, something that makes him sad.

I want to help him and i don't know how. I guess that tonight i'm only able to hate myself for who i am (even if i know that i shouldn't). I'm not some beast. I love him and i hate it when he denies my will to help, to be close to him. I dream of relaxation, i'm ready for compromises, i'm trying but i fail. 

I hope to have more time on monday of tuesday morning, to review all the recent post and write more. I know things will get better, or maybe i just want to believe in it, whatever, let's see. 

Thanks again Ed.


----------



## ciccia (May 22, 2006)

inertia said:


> hello, pointandlaugh. I had to get someone younger than me to translate your post, by the way. You kids!
> 
> In reply; i love and respect my boyfriend very much. _BUT_...if he got thin i wouldn't be attracted to him any more. I'd still love him, but in a different way. We'd be friends rather than lovers. That's the truth, and he knows that.
> 
> It's not very pleasant thing to say but, hey, at least i'm honest. I'm ALL about looks. I just hope he never loses weight, then it won't be an issue...



Inertia,

I don't think you are shallow or superficial!

I think that being FFA is a *sexual preference* (if not fetish) - some prefer blond guys and would hardly ever take a look at a dark-haired guy - and so some prefer fat guys to thin ones!

On the other hand (if fetish) being FFA is a *sexual orientation* - the whole world is already ok with homosexual people and everybody understands that a gay wouldn't physically manage to have sex with a woman, and hardly somebody may say that homosexual people are shallow or superficial, they are being accepted the way they are and they (generally, because there are foolish people who dislike whoever who's different from themselves) aren't being blamed. 

What if, in a heterosexual couple, she would become a man or he would become a woman? If they _truly love_ each other, than, _maybe_, after some struggles, they would manage to stay friends, but would they manage to make love? Almost definately no. And this is obvious.

So, in a BHM/FFA couple, if he becomes thin, would it be any different? I suppose that this question is a rethorical one.

Pardon me everybody, but i retain that, at the level of a concept, being FA or FFA isn't quite different from being homosexual or heterosexual. It's insane to call FFAs egoists, unless you come from Middle Ages.

I wish i had enough free time to make an appropriate scientific study. One day, i bet i will. And for the time being, i suppose that this brief post is clear enough.


----------



## ciccia (May 22, 2006)

LoveBHMS said:


> In this case the original poster was talking about a specific problem, not 'health' in general, so the argument 'there are no diseases only fat people get' is not applicable.
> 
> This man's doctor has told him his joints can not support a higher weight, so he shouldn't weigh more. This is pretty simple.
> 
> ...



You sound reasonable.

Well, few days ago i finally added the beloved fat sites to the favorites, so now he's got even more chances to find out where do i browse for pleasure (hmmm, if yet he didn't).

Still, i prefer telling him directly to being caught reading WG fiction. 
Still, it's not so easy.
I really do care a lot about him and it seems to me that he pretends to be ok with my FAsness only when feeling generous enough to please me even in that ridiculous way.

Still, i would prefer him gain to seeing him overeat occasionally.
Still, something would be better than nothing.

Still, i'm still confused.


----------



## Dibaby35 (May 22, 2006)

Probably gonna cause some issues here but some things I saw in this thread bugged me so I just wanted to state my opinion. 

I don't think there's anything wrong with first being attracted to someone for a specific reason. Wow she has big boobs...oh he's nice and chubby...whatever is the thing that initially attracts you to the person is great. But I think that you can't get hung up on this one thing and demand that this person never change it or "I won't love you anymore". That just seems really unreasonable and completely unfair. I really see it as the same thing as a husband falling out of love with his wife because she gained weight and now to him she's undesirable. Just drives me nutty. You should not be in love with the outside...its the inside that matters. What if your partner gets cancer or something and loses weight? What then? I mean theres a ton of things that can happen. For better or for worse people.


----------



## ciccia (May 22, 2006)

Dibaby35 said:


> Probably gonna cause some issues here but some things I saw in this thread bugged me so I just wanted to state my opinion.
> 
> I don't think there's anything wrong with first being attracted to someone for a specific reason. Wow she has big boobs...oh he's nice and chubby...whatever is the thing that initially attracts you to the person is great. But I think that you can't get hung up on this one thing and demand that this person never change it or "I won't love you anymore". That just seems really unreasonable and completely unfair. I really see it as the same thing as a husband falling out of love with his wife because she gained weight and now to him she's undesirable. Just drives me nutty. You should not be in love with the outside...its the inside that matters. What if your partner gets cancer or something and loses weight? What then? I mean theres a ton of things that can happen. For better or for worse people.



Yes, it's inside that matters. But:

Please re-read my recent post - it's about sexual orientation. 
What, if you're heterosexual, if your boyfriend decided to become a male? You would love and respect him still maybe, but as a friend, as a brother, you wouldn't make love to HIM - already HER.


----------



## inertia (May 23, 2006)

ciccia's right.

It's not nice, but it's just what people are like. Looks matter, whether that's a good or a bad thing. People do stop being attracted to their partners for purely physical reasons. 

That doesn't make them bad people. They can't help how they feel. Nobody would _choose_ to stop being attracted to their partner. Anybody given the choice would want to see their partner as stunningly good-looking.

If someone's into fat and their partner loses weight, their interest will decrease too. Sad but true. I'm _terrified_ of my boyfriend getting thinner, 'cause I know i couldn't cope with that.

Also, even if the person doesn't leave their now-less-attractive partner, they'll be far more likely to cheat on them, which is probably worse.


----------



## ciccia (May 23, 2006)

inertia said:


> ciccia's right.
> 
> It's not nice, but it's just what people are like. Looks matter, whether that's a good or a bad thing. People do stop being attracted to their partners for purely physical reasons.
> 
> ...




Yep,

I would just add that the thing is deeper than "looks".

It's not just looking that attracts, causes tenderness, turns on - it's feeling. touching, ecc, it's the whole gamma of senses.

Once i went out with a guy who told me a funny (for me, not for him) story. He met a girl - "all inclusive" - ass, tits, face - everything seemed to be perfect. He just couldn't understand why wasn't he attracted to her. She tried to kiss him and he got jimjams, it felt horrible. They tried to lie down on the sofa. Still there were no signs of erection. Then she confessed she used to be a guy. 

"Look" sounds too much superficial. I would insist on calling it "sexual orientation" afterall!  

Heterosexual men are attracted by women, and no matter how smart and handsom other men are, they AREN'T ABLE to make love to them. 

FFAs are attracted by fat men, and it works the same way.

These aren't just looks, these are minds, souls, senses - everything that's involved in every relationship, no matter of what orientation.


----------



## Dibaby35 (May 23, 2006)

Hmmm...

I'm not buying it. When you make a commitment to each other its for better of for worse. That's the problems with society today everyone is so keyed on what each other look like. Beauty fades..your look IS going to change. There is nothing you can do about it. When my hubby to be and I (please Lord let this be someday) are 75 is it going to matter what the outside looks like? Yes it is the whole package...but to be "terrified" that the person you love is going to change physically just is sort of sad to me. Each to his own I guess. I just have wayy to many other things to worry about I guess. 

I truely do hope though that everyone can find happiness in their life. Peace to you all.


----------



## nathanb (May 24, 2006)

Buffetbelly said:


> It's true that arthitis of the knee is more common in people with higher weight. However, I don't think we're talking about arthtitis here. It's also true that many activities like running on hard pavement put more stress (in the engineering sense --more force per square inch) on the knees than walking or non-impact exercise and much more than simply being heavier than average --even if you're twice as heavy. It's also true that orthopedists are among the most size-prejudiced doctors as they are in the tradition of sports medicine.
> 
> The bottom line is that there is no disease that is exclusive to fat people. Thin people and fat people get all the same diseases. Some diseases may be statistically more common in fat people, but there could be many causes for this, including social factors and the regard a person has for his body. Fat people are encouraged to hate their bodies, and when you hate your body you do not take care of it. A fat man with a partner who loves his body and cares what happens to him is going to be much healthier than a fat man who hates his body and lives alone or in an unhappy relationship.




Here's my take on obesity and health. It's pretty obvious that there are significant health risks associated with being very overweight (BMI > 30). The most common and significant of these is probably diabetes, which leads to accelerated heart and kidney disease. Obesity itself isn't very strongly correlated with heart attacks, but diabetics do have a significantly increased risk. Arthritis, liver and gallbladder disease and blood clots are others that are significantly increased.

That being said, however, the risks of being obese are nowhere near as severe as you would expect from listening to people like Richard Simmons or Dr. Phil talk. There's a huge weight loss industry out there that loves to demonize fat 'cause it makes the money. 

My feeling is this: people who are obese should be aware of the associated risks. However, as mentioned above self-esteem is important so doctors should respect the boundaries of their patients and not try to heroically interfere with firm decisions.


----------



## PolarKat (May 25, 2006)

inertia said:


> ciccia's right.
> It's not nice, but it's just what people are like. Looks matter, whether that's a good or a bad thing. People do stop being attracted to their partners for purely physical reasons.



That would be initial attraction, lets say as stated before they guy likes your boobs the shape/size/feel of them, now does it bother you that he's dating a set of boobs? I mean you can't ever have children or age, when that happens.. those boobs he fell in love with are gone!!! and he then has to leave as well.. in search of new boobs.. I'm sorry.. I can't even be serious about this.. it's just too funny.. 



nathanb said:


> Here's my take on obesity and health. It's pretty obvious that there are significant health risks associated with being very overweight (BMI > 30). The most common and significant of these is probably diabetes, which leads to accelerated heart and kidney disease. Obesity itself isn't very strongly correlated with heart attacks, but diabetics do have a significantly increased risk. Arthritis, liver and gallbladder disease and blood clots are others that are significantly increased.
> 
> That being said, however, the risks of being obese are nowhere near as severe as you would expect from listening to people like Richard Simmons or Dr. Phil talk. There's a huge weight loss industry out there that loves to demonize fat 'cause it makes the money.
> 
> My feeling is this: people who are obese should be aware of the associated risks. However, as mentioned above self-esteem is important so doctors should respect the boundaries of their patients and not try to heroically interfere with firm decisions.



I'll have to slightly disagree with you on this one.. what about a 50BMI or greater. Even if they're non diabetic.. NAFLD, Arthritis, blood pressure, are no longer just increased risk, rather they become almost fact.. There is a weight that a body can't handle, and it will catch up to you over time. I'm not saying that people like this shouldn't get just treatment in society, but it shouldn't be encouraged... unless they enjoy it..


----------



## inertia (May 26, 2006)

polarkat- funny as it might seem, I think that's pretty much how it works a lot of the time! I have to accept that, just as i'd lose interest in my boyfriend if he lost weight, he'd probably bugger off if i put some on (or if i lost my hair, or got horribly disfigured, or...or...) I think that's fair. 

On the issue of health, i have to admit, the idea of a guy's weight affecting his wellbeing is frankly erotic. That's pretty selfish but, you know, that's kind of a theme with me.


----------



## pointandlaugh (May 26, 2006)

inertia said:


> On the issue of health, i have to admit, the idea of a guy's weight affecting his wellbeing is frankly erotic. That's pretty selfish but, you know, that's kind of a theme with me.



so let me get this strait, u r turned on by the health of some1 being compromised by geting fat? if ur bfs health started 2 get ill bcos he would fat, dat wud turn u on? wud u not b hurt if he like died bcos he got really fat + had a hartattack? pls explain inertia.


----------



## inertia (May 26, 2006)

pointandlaugh, just the _idea_. It's a fantasy thing. 

As i understand it, it's not an uncommon occurence for a person to be sexually aroused by medical issues. Some people are excited by the idea of a person having a chronic condition, such as insulin-dependent diabetes, which requires daily monitoring and self-medication.

That doesn't mean they'd actually wish the condition on a real-life partner who they care about. They probably wouldn't find the reality of it very exciting, anyway. It's just the idea they get a kick out of. 

I wouldn't actually want my boyfriend to become ill due to his weight or experience mobility issues due in real life, but thinking about it is a massive turn-on. It's good in WG fiction, but not reality.


----------



## pointandlaugh (May 26, 2006)

inertia said:


> I wouldn't actually want my boyfriend to become ill due to his weight or experience mobility issues due in real life, but thinking about it is a massive turn-on. It's good in WG fiction, but not reality.



god cos dat wudnt be rite. im sure he is a nice guy but u sud neva tell him a stuff u talk bout on da bored bcos he prob cudnt take it. it is prety full on stff u r saying. av u secretly been wanting him 2 gain?


----------



## Tad (May 26, 2006)

inertia said:


> ciccia's right.
> 
> It's not nice, but it's just what people are like. Looks matter, whether that's a good or a bad thing. People do stop being attracted to their partners for purely physical reasons.
> 
> That doesn't make them bad people. They can't help how they feel. Nobody would _choose_ to stop being attracted to their partner. Anybody given the choice would want to see their partner as stunningly good-looking.




I'm fairly torn on this issue, to be honest. What I have seen kind of points in different directions.

- There are studies that show couples with a good sex life are substantially more likely to stay together. So saying that you should not worry about sexual attraction, just focus on the platonic love, may sound like high minded advice, but evidence is that for most people it makes long term connection less likely.

- Most people seem to become more themselves as they get older. So an FA is, if anything, apt to simply become more strongly confirmed an FA. I used to run a couple of yahoo groups aimed at attached FA (both eventually went quiet, but the archives are still there if anyone wants to go look--just ask), and heard from several guys married 10, even 20 years, to thin women that they'd fallen in love with way back when, and they were still hoping that their wives would gain a little bit of weight.

- When we are young, and when relationships are new, I think sex plays a stronger role in things. In time you come to see your partner through the goggles of your love. They are beautiful to you because they are who they are. On the other hand, if who they are seems to greatly change, that could shake you out of this mode, I imagine. Like with the examples given of one partner going for a sex change, or even in the case of a formerly fat and happy partner getting heavily into weight gain. I think it may not be so much their loss of weight, but the fact that they would no longer be somebody that you felt you could trust with with your desires. 

- As a thought experiment, this might be useful. Imagine your gorgeous, fat, partner, loses weight. It could be that they can't help it, or that they feel they have to (i.e. for medical reasons) but they don't want to. They still feel that they were more attractive when fat, they are happy to recall fatter days, they will role-play out gaining episodes, they even understand your attraction to fat guys/gals, and maybe point them out for your titillation. But, they are now not fat, and will not likely become fat again. Could you handle that? On the flip side, imagine a partner who is as fat as you could ever ask, who is maybe even getting fatter if you like--but who doesn't feel that fat is sexy, would rather be thin, thinks thin people of his/her gender are attractive and fat folk are gross. Who would you rather be with? Obviously that is a very artificial choice, but it helps to highlight the difference between attraction to the physical, and attraction to attitude. 

- On a personal note, I know I made the mistake of assuming that if I liked fat on my partner and made that clear and made it as easy and comfortable as possible for her being a fat person that she would naturally come to enjoy it. After all, permission to eat what she wants, exercise only because it is something she wants to do--what is not to like? Well, it doesn't work that way, just as we have preferences in what we find sexy in others, we all have preferences in what we find sexy in ourself. These can be changed some, but usually not totally. So my partner appreciates my attraction to her, but has no appreciation of her own for those fat bits that drive me wild. She is not anti-fat, she just isn't attracted to it particularly. So my advice to others is never assume that you can make someone like being fat. Maybe in some cases it will work, but I think in most it won't if they are not starting with some appreciation of it already.

No particular point to all that, just passing along my experiences and observations.

Regards;

-Ed


----------



## PolarKat (May 26, 2006)

inertia said:


> polarkat- funny as it might seem, I think that's pretty much how it works a lot of the time! I have to accept that, just as i'd lose interest in my boyfriend if he lost weight, he'd probably bugger off if i put some on (or if i lost my hair, or got horribly disfigured, or...or...) I think that's fair.
> 
> On the issue of health, i have to admit, the idea of a guy's weight affecting his wellbeing is frankly erotic. That's pretty selfish but, you know, that's kind of a theme with me.



Sorry, it was that mock scenario.. I could just imagine the beating some guy would get for using that as a breakup line "Sorry Babe.. just your boobs.."  

I don't disagree with the points you're making, just trying to say the person you're going to live with is also supposed to be your close friend and moral support.. and when things are bad.. last thing you need is your moral support ditching for the same reason..


----------



## inertia (May 26, 2006)

pointandlaugh said:


> god cos dat wudnt be rite. im sure he is a nice guy but u sud neva tell him a stuff u talk bout on da bored bcos he prob cudnt take it. it is prety full on stff u r saying. av u secretly been wanting him 2 gain?



not secretly. He knows all about my...interests. Even the weirder ones. He sees all the things i post on this board. He totally accepts what i'm into but he just isn't interested in actually gaining himself. Could be a lot worse.


----------



## pointandlaugh (May 27, 2006)

PolarKat said:


> I don't disagree with the points you're making, just trying to say the person you're going to live with is also supposed to be your close friend and moral support.. and when things are bad.. last thing you need is your moral support ditching for the same reason..



i agree wiv PK. i fink if u r goin 2 move in wiv some1 den u shud b best buds. u need 2 trust each otha + b 4 real. u av 2 b able 2 wrk thro da hard times.



inertia said:


> not secretly. He knows all about my...interests. Even the weirder ones. He sees all the things i post on this board. He totally accepts what i'm into but he just isn't interested in actually gaining himself. Could be a lot worse.



+ ur bf is ok wiv ur interests? what r da weirder 1s? ur bf cs all ur posts? is ur bf on da bored? wots his username?


----------



## inertia (May 27, 2006)

pointandlaugh said:


> + ur bf is ok wiv ur interests? what r da weirder 1s? ur bf cs all ur posts? is ur bf on da bored? wots his username?



no, he isn't on the board. like i said, he's not at all interested in gaining.


----------



## pointandlaugh (May 27, 2006)

inertia said:


> no, he isn't on the board. like i said, he's not at all interested in gaining.



wot r ur weird interests ten?


----------



## Jackoblangada (May 27, 2006)

Inertia - Thank you for your honesty and bravery in admitting what many feel regarding physical attraction. I know for one that appearance is important. I have known many fantastic ladies who I would like to have a had a relationship with but for a lack of physical attraction, and I am certain that there have been women who have felt the same about me.

You often here (at least here in the states) that looks aren't as important to a woman as say a sense of humor. Bullshit..i know lots of very funny fat guys who are single. 

on a side note..Pointandlaugh, I don't want to sound like a jerk but please learn to write English like an adult and not someone who spends all day text messaging. Your post are incomprehensible and while I think you are asking serious and thoughtful questions, the text lingo just makes you look like a troll. Sorry to be blunt. Act like a grown up and you will be taken seriously as a grown up. Yes I am an old fart..i admit it.


----------



## Skinny_FFA (May 28, 2006)

I have to agree. The look really does matter a lot for me, too. Not just the fat, but clothes and style, hair, behaveiour the whole spectrum of optical appearance. Then comes the inside. When the inside is nice but there&#180;s no physical attraction at all, ones could become only good friends but nothing more.


----------



## Dibaby35 (May 28, 2006)

I don't think people are getting what I was saying earlier. Here's the scenario thats been presented in this thread:

Two people are initially attracted to each other for physical reasons. They get to know each other..time passes. They fall in love with each other (for the inside and outside). More time passes..maybe they get married, maybe they don't but the commitment is still there. All of a sudden one of them changes physically in some way (maybe they can control it...maybe they can't). The other one is turned off even though the person hasn't changed at all in the inside. The turned off partner decides they don't love the person anymore and leaves. Changed person is heartbroken.

This is what most people are agreeing is okay in this thread from what I'm understanding. I just don't agree with it and I think its a huge reason why people get divorced.


----------



## FitChick (May 28, 2006)

I have a problem along these lines...I'm a FFA and my husband is a low end BHM (he's only around 250 lbs, 5 ft 11 in.) On the low end, but has a NICE belly!

Anyway, he was diagnosed as type 2 diabetic about 5 years ago or so, and he is also hypertensive. I like him big, but he talks about losing weight for health reasons. Part of me wants him to stay big, the other part is afraid for his health.

Plus, he likes to eat, I like to cook...so.... 

When we first married, we both ate a lot..went out to eat a lot, had a lot of fun...and we both gained a lot of weight.

I can't eat like that anymore because of a health problem of my own (not life threatening)...so I still cook the food for him, yet feel guilty.

Anyone else with this problem?


----------



## nathanb (May 31, 2006)

PolarKat said:


> That would be initial attraction, lets say as stated before they guy likes your boobs the shape/size/feel of them, now does it bother you that he's dating a set of boobs? I mean you can't ever have children or age, when that happens.. those boobs he fell in love with are gone!!! and he then has to leave as well.. in search of new boobs.. I'm sorry.. I can't even be serious about this.. it's just too funny..
> 
> 
> 
> I'll have to slightly disagree with you on this one.. what about a 50BMI or greater. Even if they're non diabetic.. NAFLD, Arthritis, blood pressure, are no longer just increased risk, rather they become almost fact.. There is a weight that a body can't handle, and it will catch up to you over time. I'm not saying that people like this shouldn't get just treatment in society, but it shouldn't be encouraged... unless they enjoy it..



You sound like my old endocrinology prof, but you've got a point. It's tough to find absolutes in health care, though. There's always some 80 year old guy somewhere who smoked 2 packs a day for 60 years, just like there are people who live to a ripe old age without any major health problems despite being decidedly on the heavier side.

PS. Are you in health care? (NAFLD is an awfully fancy anacronym)


----------



## PolarKat (May 31, 2006)

nathanb said:


> You sound like my old endocrinology prof, but you've got a point. It's tough to find absolutes in health care, though. There's always some 80 year old guy somewhere who smoked 2 packs a day for 60 years, just like there are people who live to a ripe old age without any major health problems despite being decidedly on the heavier side.
> 
> PS. Are you in health care? (NAFLD is an awfully fancy anacronym)



I only heal sick robots! Have relatives in medicine, so I got/get the annual "Diabetes, Hypertenstion, athritis, etc.." in depth lecture at least 4 times in a row.. unfortunately NAFLD and hypertention have kicked in when I became too sedentary and put on alot of weight a few years back.. 
it is just statics, since I do know one thin friend who did get fatty liver when we were in our early 20's, but for him it was just a slow/slight weight drop and proper eating fixed him up quickly. 
but there are things that become "unavoidable" with weight gain, fatty liver is one, just like we feed ducks for the same purpose.. of course it's only a 5% chance of it progressing to something worse.. but it's better not to play the 5%. 
More importantly is exercise. The fatter you are the harder it is. I can't run.. well.. I can run about 1/2 km before I have to stop.. I'll get bruises that form under the ankles & kneecaps, and I'll be out for a week. I see women who get pregnant and put on 30lbs and their ankles swell 3x their size from just walking for 10min, how could they manage 100lbs. If they put on that weight, they'll automatically become less active due to the pain, and end up in a unhealthy cycle.
There's this one girl on the weight gain board going from 130 and wanting to get to 200lb, her frame can't handle that weight, she won't be able to exercise properly @ 200lbs her muscles and bone structure won't sustain it, worse yet, what happens down the road @ 40 when she's 250lbs on a body that supposed to handle 150lbs.
everything is statiscal odds but eventually you get to a point where the odd becomes 1


----------



## nathanb (Jun 1, 2006)

PolarKat said:


> I only heal sick robots! Have relatives in medicine, so I got/get the annual "Diabetes, Hypertenstion, athritis, etc.." in depth lecture at least 4 times in a row.. unfortunately NAFLD and hypertention have kicked in when I became too sedentary and put on alot of weight a few years back..
> it is just statics, since I do know one thin friend who did get fatty liver when we were in our early 20's, but for him it was just a slow/slight weight drop and proper eating fixed him up quickly.
> but there are things that become "unavoidable" with weight gain, fatty liver is one, just like we feed ducks for the same purpose.. of course it's only a 5% chance of it progressing to something worse.. but it's better not to play the 5%.
> More importantly is exercise. The fatter you are the harder it is. I can't run.. well.. I can run about 1/2 km before I have to stop.. I'll get bruises that form under the ankles & kneecaps, and I'll be out for a week. I see women who get pregnant and put on 30lbs and their ankles swell 3x their size from just walking for 10min, how could they manage 100lbs. If they put on that weight, they'll automatically become less active due to the pain, and end up in a unhealthy cycle.
> ...



Have you tried more low impact exercise? Biking or swimming might be a little easier on those knees, and is probably just as good for you CV-wise. Most of the health benefits from weight loss come from the first 10 lbs lost, so even just a little bit will go a long way. 

It's kind of tough comparing pregnancy weight gain to fat weight gain, they're sort of like apples and oranges. With pregnancy you have a big uterus sitting on the vena cava and an increased blood volume--leading to the leg swelling. You don't have that with fat weight gain. The skeletal structure and the rest of the body can re-model to accomodate a little extra fat, so I doubt a little moderate weight gain will lead to any serious long term consequences. However, it is very difficult to argue that gaining 100 lbs in a short time is a good thing to do to your body, even for a neophyte gainer like myself. ;-)


----------



## missaf (Jun 1, 2006)

I agree, low impact like swimming, water aerobics and biking are awesome. Biking might be kinda difficult, but pools are awesome for CV at any size.


----------



## William (Jun 1, 2006)

Hi Missfa

I have never seen many Fat Guys hanging out at the pool 

William (doing homework)





missaf said:


> I agree, low impact like swimming, water aerobics and biking are awesome. Biking might be kinda difficult, but pools are awesome for CV at any size.


----------



## missaf (Jun 1, 2006)

William said:


> Hi Missfa
> 
> I have never seen many Fat Guys hanging out at the pool
> 
> William (doing homework)



I've been to day spas with fat guys swimmin laps. I of course, was in the shallow end, watching


----------



## PolarKat (Jun 1, 2006)

nathanb said:


> Have you tried more low impact exercise? Biking or swimming might be a little easier on those knees, and is probably just as good for you CV-wise. Most of the health benefits from weight loss come from the first 10 lbs lost, so even just a little bit will go a long way.
> 
> However, it is very difficult to argue that gaining 100 lbs in a short time is a good thing to do to your body, even for a neophyte gainer like myself. ;-)



Just you need to keep up at the gym with the gain.. from what I see people who started out in the thin category, and put on weight later, have it much harder in the physical part. 



missaf said:


> I agree, low impact like swimming, water aerobics and biking are awesome. Biking might be kinda difficult, but pools are awesome for CV at any size.



doing lots of low impact, I've taken off a little too much last year, double of what's healty but that was mainly due to not being able to eat at all for days at a time.. now I've stopped loosing.. but.. I'm starting to sink better while swimimng so I know where the weight is comming from..

Bicycles.. that's another one.. I mean we're bombarded with the get healthy thing endlessly.. yet.. I can't find a bike that can hold <250lbs


----------



## William (Jun 1, 2006)

Hey 

A Trek hybrid would do the trick. I should have kept my old one in shape (not in the cold wet garage), their prices are now ridiculous!!!

William




PolarKat said:


> Bicycles.. that's another one.. I mean we're bombarded with the get healthy thing endlessly.. yet.. I can't find a bike that can hold <250lbs


----------



## PolarKat (Jun 2, 2006)

William said:


> Hey
> 
> A Trek hybrid would do the trick. I should have kept my old one in shape (not in the cold wet garage), their prices are now ridiculous!!!
> 
> William


I've been looking.. specifically for those, bulkier tires on them.. but haven't found any locally.. bicycle shops have vanished....


----------



## fat hiker (Dec 4, 2006)

Where are you, PolarKat? "Location: Under 3 Meters of Snow.." suggests Canada. EdX and I are both in Ottawa, and finding a Trek or other bike that will take 250+ pounds is no problem around here - lots of bike shops. Maybe you should plan a trip to the national capital?? But I feel sure there are lots of bike shops elsewhere that can help you too.

This time of the year, it's the gear for skiers that is out. Does my sense of self good to see more and more shops with ski pants and ski jackets in XXL, XXXL, etc.....


----------



## velia (Jun 15, 2007)

inertia said:


> hello, pointandlaugh. I had to get someone younger than me to translate your post, by the way. You kids!
> 
> In reply; i love and respect my boyfriend very much. _BUT_...if he got thin i wouldn't be attracted to him any more. I'd still love him, but in a different way. We'd be friends rather than lovers. That's the truth, and he knows that.
> 
> It's not very pleasant thing to say but, hey, at least i'm honest. I'm ALL about looks. I just hope he never loses weight, then it won't be an issue...



Ugh. Seriously, I love how people freak the hell out at honesty. :shocked: 

But I think it's excellent that you're honest. If you're true to yourself and vocal about it from the beginning, then the relationship isn't compromised.


----------



## Tad (Jun 15, 2007)

fat hiker said:


> Where are you, PolarKat? "Location: Under 3 Meters of Snow.." suggests Canada. EdX and I are both in Ottawa, and finding a Trek or other bike that will take 250+ pounds is no problem around here - lots of bike shops. Maybe you should plan a trip to the national capital?? But I feel sure there are lots of bike shops elsewhere that can help you too.
> 
> This time of the year, it's the gear for skiers that is out. Does my sense of self good to see more and more shops with ski pants and ski jackets in XXL, XXXL, etc.....



Thanks to Velia bumping this thread, I noticed this post by fat hiker. 

I just want to add, along the same line, that Mountain Equipment Coop now has bike shorts in XXL. On me they are almost loose, and I wear a 42" waist pants. I'm sure a 44" would have a perfect fit, and I suspect a 46" would be OK. Not sure about 48", but might even be worthr trying on. One of the types they have is a bike short liner, basically shorter, thinner, bike shorts that you wear under regular shorts. Gives the padding and protection from chafing, but let's you cover up if you aren't comfortable going out in spandex.

So yah, it is getting easier for big folk to exercise!

-Ed


----------



## PolarKat (Jun 15, 2007)

Along the same lines, I had gone to a local bicycle shop, and I talked to the owner, we went through the catalog, and a few calls to distributors and found that 330lbs was the heaviest capacity of bike that exists, and the price tag was aroung $600-800CDN above 330lb there's only tricycles and they start around $1000


----------



## butch (Jun 16, 2007)

Now that we have a health board here, would this thread be a candidate for relocation to the health board? Just curious.


----------



## beckyking (Jan 9, 2008)

ciccia said:


> I'd like FAs and FFAs to share opinions and experiences..
> 
> A loving couple. A FFA. An almost-BHM.
> He loves food. He claims not to care if to be fat or thin. He knows she's a FFA. Probably he wouldn't mind to get chubbier to make her happy.
> ...



I only know FA, what is FFA? any one can answer me?


----------



## AnnMarie (Jan 9, 2008)

beckyking said:


> I only know FA, what is FFA? any one can answer me?




FFA is generally known around these parts as a female fat admirer


----------



## fat hiker (Jan 10, 2008)

beckyking said:


> A loving couple. A FFA. An almost-BHM.
> He loves food. He claims not to care if to be fat or thin. He knows she's a FFA. Probably he wouldn't mind to get chubbier to make her happy.
> But he's been told that some more fat may lead to a risk of not being able to walk.
> 
> I only know FA, what is FFA? any one can answer me?



This story doesn't ring true - either the man in the couple has other serious health issues, or someone has fallen for the false idea that you lose mobility with only a few extra pounds. If he's an 'almost-BHM' then he is hundreds of pounds short of the point where he may risk 'not being able to walk' unless he already has other, very serious, health troubles. 400, 500, even 700 pounds is not an impediment to walking for most men, as long as the pounds have packed on in a normal fashion.


----------



## BHMluver (Jan 20, 2018)

Having been through this I must say, I love big men but, at the end of the day, if he doesnt love & repect himself ... Im out. Soooo out. But the kicker is when he makes fun of me for my preferences; I told him straight up I like big men but healthy men. He cant accept that .... unless I do everything for him. I am not a slave ... I just like a bigger frame.


----------



## BHMluver (Mar 4, 2018)

So, I surgeon I work with, yet again, approached me about heading their Bariatric Weight-loss surgery program. I said, You know my spouse wears a 6x shirt, right? Shes says, Yes, but we can work around the that.

Really? Believe me, this FFA is NOT the girl for the job. lol


----------



## TwoSwords (Mar 4, 2018)

BHMluver said:


> Having been through this I must say, I love big men but, at the end of the day, if he doesnt love & repect himself ... Im out. Soooo out. But the kicker is when he makes fun of me for my preferences; I told him straight up I like big men but healthy men. He cant accept that .... unless I do everything for him. I am not a slave ... I just like a bigger frame.



Oh, my word! I completely sympathize with your position here. I hear about this happening *so* often, though I usually hear about it the other way around, where it's the girl who's fat and not only disrespecting herself, but scornful of people who like her, and of course, of what they like. Either one makes relationships into a long chain of one-sided insults. Even if that's not the intended effect, that's what it ends up being.


----------



## fat hiker (Mar 4, 2018)

BHMluver said:


> So, I surgeon I work with, yet again, approached me about heading their Bariatric Weight-loss surgery program. I said, You know my spouse wears a 6x shirt, right? Shes says, Yes, but we can work around the that.
> 
> Really? Believe me, this FFA is NOT the girl for the job. lol



What does the surgeon expect you to do, talk them out of bariatric surgery?

"Well, reviewing your file, I'd say you're not a candidate for bariatric surgery yet. Oh, others have said you are? Well, I disagree. Come back when you've packed on another 200 pounds." (wink)


----------

