# Sympathy pains



## Victim (Apr 9, 2009)

There are things I hear from my wife that just make me want to go hit somthing/someone, but if we aren't there, there really isn't anything we can do about it.

Things like having to deliberately eat a smaller lunch than she wants to because there is no private space to eat, and she doesn't want to be seen eating 'too much'.

Today the SLUT (Seattle Streetcar) skidded off a track, making it much closer to te stop and the thinner passengers were able to squeeze between the streetcar and the handrail at the stop, but she had to wait until the next stop to get out.

Hearing that you're the only person she can be herself around.

The fact that despite her size, people will just ignore her existance and even run into her at times.

I can make her feel better after the fact, but there is nothing I can do when I'm not with her.

Any other attached FA have the same issue?


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## Haunted (Apr 9, 2009)

We'v been together Just about a year now and it's all been long distance. so i don't really have any input so much, But i definitely plan on learning from this thread. we'v had a few moments when i try like hell to be sure the seating will be adequate without drawing attention to the fact that i am sizing up the sturdiness of the furniture. of course without thinking i bought a tall bed not realizing that my Short Fat honey wouldn't be able to get into it. so now we have a step stool. 

One thing that i'v tried to figure out is how do i ensure comfortable seating if we go to a musical or play in the old Theater District in Boston?


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## AnnMarie (Apr 9, 2009)

Haunted said:


> One thing that i'v tried to figure out is how do i ensure comfortable seating if we go to a musical or play in the old Theater District in Boston?



This might be appropriate for another thread, so if it gets moved eventually - but Haunted, you can call ahead to the theaters in Boston and request box seating which usually has free standing chairs. You can also request the handicapped row and they'll either provide a folding chair or you can bring your own. 

The box seating for some shows is obstructed view, but most box office workers will be able to assist you on the phone. They're very helpful and if you're upfront about your concerns, you can make sure that you both have the best possible accommodations.


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## exile in thighville (Apr 10, 2009)

I get physically ill when someone makes a fat joke around me that I can tell comes from a place of hatred. The same thing happened in high school if someone used the word "******"...I feel wounded myself. Now I make more fat and gay jokes than anyone, but man, back when I had a heart.


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## SoliloquyOfaSiren (Apr 10, 2009)

exile in thighville said:


> I get physically ill when someone makes a fat joke around me that I can tell comes from a place of hatred. The same thing happened in high school if someone used the word "******"...I feel wounded myself. Now I make more fat and gay jokes than anyone, but man, back when I had a heart.



I HATE the f-word....

I have many gay friends and gay men in my family. If people let it slip I still get pissed but I'm nice about explaining how offensive of a word it is and that if they do plan on saying it, don't say it around me....you get ONE warning with me....anything after that you're fair game to my wrath

muahahahaha

but back to this thread...

yes and no. Being that I'm very inexpierienced, I haven't seen first hand how a significant other suffers due to weight issues. However I do have many larger friends. And Ive seen and heard shit that ignorant asswipes do to them....and u bet I'm happy to wipe their smugness off of theirs faces...

hmmm maybe we should just start a wave of picking on thin and "average" sized folk....who knows maybe itll catch on

For instance....I didnt know her too well b/c she was a senior my freshman year of highschool, but there was this bigger girl at my school. Definitely SSBBW no question. People always gave her so much shit and I felt bad, bc she was in poetry club wih me and always was so sweet. But in the winter that year she broke her ankle and due to her size she used a motorized power chair.....and of course the people at school had a real fucking riot with this....and eventually it got so bad she dropped out of HS with only a month and a half remaining.

Yeah, I stuck up for her whenever I was around to hear things, but the reality of it is people are assholes and will always be assholes and thats all there is to it.


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## CherryRVA (Apr 10, 2009)

What I hate is how people perceive him.

He is disabled because about 11 years ago, a drunk 18 year old Marine hit the work truck he was in. He has agonizing back pain daily. He was also a gastric bypass test subject when he was a teenager, back when his surgery was "experimental" and they didn't know what the hell they were doing. Subsequently, they said he was disabled.

When we would go out, the looks we got from people for parking in handicapped parking with a hanging window tag, they looked at him like "Scum. Bet he stole that tag." Or when we would go to a new doctor or he didn't take me with him when he went and he gets the "Maybe you should try gastric bypass surgery?" Yeah....especially since his didn't work, he barely eats and is still big, he has early onset arthritis and osteoporosis, etc. etc. Yeah, sure....he'd like to let ya'll have yet another chance to chop him up. Or the whole veiled chat "you're fat, stop eating and you wouldn't have a problem..."

Or how people see the way he looks and they grab their kids out of his way in WalMart like he's gonna eat them or something.

Nobody can see past the weight, the tattoos, the long hair, and black clothes to see a very handsome man, a wonderful father, a fantastic lover, a loyal true friend, a leader in the internet radio world, and one of the funniest guys you'll ever meet.

By the way, for the metalheads on the boards, he----Raven----is back on the air....www.themusichotwire.com. He's on live Saturdays and Sundays noon to 6pm EST. Live broadcast, and webcam/chatroom. Show a BHM some support.


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## rollhandler (Apr 17, 2009)

Victim said:


> There are things I hear from my wife that just make me want to go hit somthing/someone, but if we aren't there, there really isn't anything we can do about it.
> 
> Things like having to deliberately eat a smaller lunch than she wants to because there is no private space to eat, and she doesn't want to be seen eating 'too much'.
> 
> ...



Or having to deal with the comments at a buffet by passing size bigots that think that just because my partner is fat she's the reason the buffet prices are so high. I find this especially irritating because of the incongruities of our appetites is such that I outeat her by 2 plates to her one, and I am the skinny one in our relationship weighing in at 135 soaking wet on a heavy day.
Rollhandler


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## Dr. Feelgood (Apr 28, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> Or having to deal with the comments at a buffet by passing size bigots that think that just because my partner is fat she's the reason the buffet prices are so high.



This is when you squint at the bigot's plate and say, "Er...excuse me...is that a mouse dropping?" I promise you they will forget all about what your partner is eating.


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## Melian (Apr 29, 2009)

The two main things that bother me:

1. When "friends" feel that his body is public domain, so they can make all the rude comments they want about it.

2. Seeing his disappointment every time a cool piece of clothing doesn't go up to his size.


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## disconnectedsmile (Apr 29, 2009)

missaf said:


> Choosing tables at restaurants based on the sturdiness of the chair, or the tightness of the booth. Hearing the sigh or the frustration build in his body language when the food looks divine, but the seating sucks. Him eating half as much, or less, of what I do, because he's afraid people are watching him eat.


i've started exclusively seeing someone, and we enjoy going out to eat, and the booth thing is definitely an issue. i always try to request a table instead of a booth, but the other night, we went to a diner with all booths and no tables. it seemed she was a bit uncomfortable but didn't want to bring it up. 
i felt like there was nothing i could do to make the situation better, and i felt really bad.



Melian said:


> 2. Seeing his disappointment every time a cool piece of clothing doesn't go up to his size.


this one, too. although it more makes me want to learn how to sew and hem so i can custom some garments for her, cos i am a super dork.


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