# Loneliness



## Ninja Glutton (Jul 16, 2007)

Gah, I had a great weekend, but I still can't help but feel alone. I spent the entire weekend surrounded by friends and people at the bars up at penn state. It was a great time, but I found myself much more aware of my size than is normally apparent. It seemed like everywhere I went, I was greeted with strange stares and disgusted looks. I feel like myself, but people sometimes look at me like I don't belong. Especially when I'm the only fat guy in the joint, it seems like I'm an outsider. It's like there's this worldwide club for attractive people and I'm just not invited. And if I try to intrude and be nice and friendly and jovial, people just look at me like a slob. 

I'm a clean guy, I wear nice clothes, and I consider myself confident. I can walk up and talk to pretty much anyone, but I just don't have luck in the romance department. Girls just don't seem ready or willing to look past my physical shortcomings to see that there's a lovely person underneath. I don't hate myself, but sometimes I wish I could just shrinkwrap my entire body. It seems like there's a wall between me and women. Even girls that rub my belly and show some sort of interest claim that we're just friends if I try to take it any further.

It seems like the only thing missing in my life is some kind of emotional closeness. I'm a very affectionate, romantic guy, and I just feel like that part of me is wasting away.

Sorry to be all angsty, but I just needed to vent.


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## Jes (Jul 16, 2007)

I think it's really good to vent, and to admit something bothers you when it does. It may not change things, but there's something to be said for being honest!

luck to you,
J.


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## StridentDionysus (Jul 16, 2007)

I hear you mate! *hic* That's my story too  .

Cheers! (with mineral water )


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 16, 2007)

Thanks for all of your kind words.


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Jul 16, 2007)

Aww Zach-pants. <3

Yeah, venting is sometimes necessary. Especially when the social norms in this country are rather ridiculous. 

<3


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## EverythingsBiggerinTX (Jul 16, 2007)

I know that feeling well. I've been large all my life and have had the same problem. It does help to get it off your chest though. What helps me is the knowledge that somewhere out there in this big twisted world, there is a person out there just waiting to find us or be found by us, who will not only accept us for who we are but will truly appreciate who we are.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 17, 2007)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Aww Zach-pants. <3
> 
> Yeah, venting is sometimes necessary. Especially when the social norms in this country are rather ridiculous.
> 
> <3



It's not so much about social norms as it is about the general attitude of people. Their first impressions of me are usually heavily prejudiced and unrelentingly cruel. I don't expect people to sugarcoat things, but at least give me a chance. I just feel like there's a huge handicap for me with girls to begin with because of my size, and that only further hinders my social confidence with all the lovely women of the world.

I'm rambling, but I guess I just feel like I deserve more. More respect and more open-mindedness.

I mean I can't say my life is all bad. I have 2 loving parents and all of my close friends would take a bullet for me, but that can't be everything. There's a part of me that seeks approval from the fairer sex, and it just doesn't seem to happen.

I walk with confidence and I greet girls with kindness and a smile, but it just seems like the first thought that pops in their head is "wow, how pathetic is he?" I mean, I'm as laid back as the rest and I have a pretty dark sense of humor, but I'm kind of sick of being treated like a big joke or a doormat. 

I wish people would stop treating me like I'm a nonsexual being just because I'm fat. I deserve stable relationships, love, and affection just as much as the next person. It seems like everyone views me as a big pillowy friend instead of someone attractive or desirable.

Okay, now I'm just whining, but once I get on a roll it's hard to stop.


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## broadesque (Jul 17, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> It seemed like everywhere I went, I was greeted with strange stares and disgusted looks.



Ahh, honey, you're the kind of guy who's candy to my eye(s). :kiss2: Stand proud, be your great self, and don't let apprehension and doubt intrude, dammit! Know that there are dames out there who'd love to get their hands on you if you let them.


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## Ho Ho Tai (Jul 17, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> Gah, I had a great weekend, but I still can't help but feel alone. I spent the entire weekend surrounded by friends and people at the bars up at penn state. It was a great time, but I found myself much more aware of my size than is normally apparent. It seemed like everywhere I went, I was greeted with strange stares and disgusted looks. I feel like myself, but people sometimes look at me like I don't belong. Especially when I'm the only fat guy in the joint, it seems like I'm an outsider. It's like there's this worldwide club for attractive people and I'm just not invited. And if I try to intrude and be nice and friendly and jovial, people just look at me like a slob.
> 
> I'm a clean guy, I wear nice clothes, and I consider myself confident. I can walk up and talk to pretty much anyone, but I just don't have luck in the romance department. Girls just don't seem ready or willing to look past my physical shortcomings to see that there's a lovely person underneath. I don't hate myself, but sometimes I wish I could just shrinkwrap my entire body. It seems like there's a wall between me and women. Even girls that rub my belly and show some sort of interest claim that we're just friends if I try to take it any further.
> 
> ...



Rocczilla -

This is not a forum that I normally frequent. Scanning the lead posts on the forums list, I saw the title of your post and decided to stop by for a moment.

I'm going to cheat a bit by directing you to another post which I made recently. It was in response to quite a lovely young woman, unconvinced of her beauty because of disparaging comments by others. You may read that post here. http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=490470&postcount=11

Not all portions apply to you, but I think that the first paragraph or so apply to many of us, including myself. But since I mentioned Cyrano de Bergerac in that post, I'll include another quote from that play. "I carry my adornments on my soul. I do not dress up like a popinjay, but inwardly, I keep my daintiness."

Cyrano had many friends, many enemies, a Love, but no lover. His best friend was the man behind the nose - himself - the one who is always with you, or me, or anyone - the one who knows you best. And heaven help anyone for whom that inner person is an enemy and not a friend! No one can lend better support than that inner friend who reminds you of your best features, accomplishments, deeds. And no one can be a more terrible enemy, constantly confronting you with your fears, your failures, or whatever is is that makes you less than proud.

But there is something odd and interesting about that inner friend. Carrying the radiance that such a friendship brings to your countenance attracts others as well - other potential friends and, yes, lovers.

Just as an aside, I encountered a woman at my fitness club yesterday. Perhaps I should have spoken to her, but didn't. I'm already way too much of a flirt. She was not beautiful, but there was something about her smile . . .

I might have said this to her, if I had spoken: "You have the sort of smile that a man catches out of the corner of his eye - and ten minutes later, wonders what hit him." It was that radiance - the sudden flare-up of the flame in a non-descript lantern - which momentarily illuminates the whole landscape.

Well - I fear that I have written too much. If so, forgive me.

Good luck! You sound like a nice guy - the sort that some lucky gal out there deserves.


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## Surlysomething (Jul 17, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> It's not so much about social norms as it is about the general attitude of people. Their first impressions of me are usually heavily prejudiced and unrelentingly cruel. I don't expect people to sugarcoat things, but at least give me a chance. I just feel like there's a huge handicap for me with girls to begin with because of my size, and that only further hinders my social confidence with all the lovely women of the world.
> 
> I'm rambling, but I guess I just feel like I deserve more. More respect and more open-mindedness.
> 
> ...




Is this from everyone in general or the types of women you're attracted to?


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 17, 2007)

Usually from the types of women I'm attracted to. I wouldn't consider myself shallow in the least, but I know what kinds of women I'm attracted to. I have to have that initial instinctual response to know if I click with someone or not. 

Personality is still the most important thing to me, though. The things I find attractive in women are brains, conversational ability, appreciation of early 90s pop culture, a certain geekiness (especially when it comes to music and movies), a love of animals, a love of the outdoors, openmindedness, hygiene, and a lack of opposition to social drinking.

I know that's asking for a lot... but I'm just saying that's ideal (if ideal really exists?).


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## Surlysomething (Jul 17, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> Usually from the types of women I'm attracted to. I wouldn't consider myself shallow in the least, but I know what kinds of women I'm attracted to. I have to have that initial instinctual response to know if I click with someone or not.
> 
> Personality is still the most important thing to me, though. The things I find attractive in women are brains, conversational ability, appreciation of early 90s pop culture, a certain geekiness (especially when it comes to music and movies), a love of animals, a love of the outdoors, openmindedness, hygiene, and a lack of opposition to social drinking.
> 
> I know that's asking for a lot... but I'm just saying that's ideal (if ideal really exists?).




_Normally, _ thin, bubbly girls go for jockey, brain dead, hot bodies. It's unfortunate but true. Hey, it's not like the Brad Pitt's of the world are after me. Ha. (i'd settle for James Gandolfini though-meow) In time I started to be attracted to the men I knew would be more attracted to me. People always look hotter when their brain is into you. (But you totally know that) 

Man, I know what you mean though. Even if I "think" and KNOW i'm the hottest chick in the room, at some point i'll feel like a tank.

Keep doing what you're doing though. You sound like a catch to me. Get up in their faces more! Someone will come along that is worth the wait.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 17, 2007)

I just wish this would happen sooner rather than later. I mean I put myself out there. I go to the bars, I talk to girls, and I get out and about. I don't just sit in my room and expect things to happen. It's just after so much trying and rejection, that "maybe I should give up" bug rears its ugly head.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 17, 2007)

My hobbies are varied and many, but that doesn't seem to help anything.

I'm a huge movie and music nerd. I write lots of poetry and screenplays. I'm a Film student. I want to be a writer/director someday. I play poker. I love video games, computers, and technology of any sort. I love the outdoors. I love animals. I love art. I mean, I consider myself a pretty interesting guy.

Hopefully that will sound appealing to someone sometime soon.


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## StridentDionysus (Jul 17, 2007)

Just don't get chronically depressed and bitter like me. There's no turning back from there.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 17, 2007)

Nah, it's not an ultimatum. It's just me babbling.

I haven't been suicidal or that clinically depressed since I was in like 9th grade. I've matured greatly since then. So don't think that was like a threat or something. It's just me talking things out in my head. I'm not trying to throw a pity party or something, I'm just trying to convey how I'm feeling right now and how frustrating it is to try so hard and not be given a chance. It just hurts is all.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 17, 2007)

And, also, this wasn't just to whine about not having someone. I know lots of people don't have anyone. It's not about the right now, but it's more about the progression. That constant feeling of being undesirable and nonsexual. Like I'm a big teddy bear without an ounce of sexuality. That's how I feel like people treat me and that's what's bothering me. It's not the fact that I'm not in a relationship. I've lived happily for years without a relationship. Sometimes you just need to feel wanted, y'know? 

And I've worked out most of the other problems in my life that were affecting my happiness, and now it's time to work on this one. It kind of offends me that you presume I'm just whining about not having a girlfriend. Loneliness isn't just about romantic exclusion or a lack of physical closeness with people. Loneliness is a state of mind. Sometimes I just feel like I operate on a different plain of reality than everyone else. That's where my feelings of ostracization and isolation come from.

All the other things bothering me are just more straws on the camel's back.


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## Surlysomething (Jul 17, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> Nah, it's not an ultimatum. It's just me babbling.
> 
> I haven't been suicidal or that clinically depressed since I was in like 9th grade. I've matured greatly since then. So don't think that was like a threat or something. It's just me talking things out in my head. I'm not trying to throw a pity party or something, I'm just trying to convey how I'm feeling right now and how frustrating it is to try so hard and not be given a chance. It just hurts is all.




I've felt the same way for a long time too. Have you tried any of the online dating sites? You never know. Plentyoffish is pretty good for narrowing down people in your area.

Just a suggestion.


I put myself out there and got burned pretty damn bad, i'll tell you. I gave myself some time to heal a bit and got back out there. When you feel good, you look good and all that. Some hottie will migrate to you when she sees that, trust me.

And it will happen when you least expect it..


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## Solarbip (Jul 17, 2007)

Dude I'm lonely as HELL too yo. I feel your pain.


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## StridentDionysus (Jul 17, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> And, also, this wasn't just to whine about not having someone. I know lots of people don't have anyone. It's not about the right now, but it's more about the progression. That constant feeling of being undesirable and nonsexual. Like I'm a big teddy bear without an ounce of sexuality. That's how I feel like people treat me and that's what's bothering me. It's not the fact that I'm not in a relationship. I've lived happily for years without a relationship. Sometimes you just need to feel wanted, y'know?
> 
> And I've worked out most of the other problems in my life that were affecting my happiness, and now it's time to work on this one. It kind of offends me that you presume I'm just whining about not having a girlfriend. Loneliness isn't just about romantic exclusion or a lack of physical closeness with people. Loneliness is a state of mind. Sometimes I just feel like I operate on a different plain of reality than everyone else. That's where my feelings of ostracization and isolation come from.
> 
> All the other things bothering me are just more straws on the camel's back.


 
Penisless Teddy, totally get it. And I'm not presuming anything, if anyone gets it it's me :batting: . Hell, most of us BHM's have gone thru that (or are going right now). AND you might not get depressed but you can get bitter, specially if this keeps going for too long (hope it doesn't), it would be hard not to get bitter mate.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 18, 2007)

I wouldn't go so far as to call myself bitter, as I'm generally a happy/funny/spontaneous person. I've just been in kind of a rut for almost a week and I only really felt safe talking about it here. I generally like to keep my whining fairly anonymous. I don't usually like making myself that emotionally vulnerable in everyday life.

But I just wanted to say thank you to all the bhms/ffas out there with all your kind words, empathy, and support.

Sometimes it's good to just get things out.


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## Surlysomething (Jul 18, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> I wouldn't go so far as to call myself bitter, as I'm generally a happy/funny/spontaneous person. I've just been in kind of a rut for almost a week and I only really felt safe talking about it here. I generally like to keep my whining fairly anonymous. I don't usually like making myself that emotionally vulnerable in everyday life.
> 
> But I just wanted to say thank you to all the bhms/ffas out there with all your kind words, empathy, and support.
> 
> Sometimes it's good to just get things out.





Hang in there, kiddo. We ALL go through it.

:happy:


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## StridentDionysus (Jul 18, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> I wouldn't go so far as to call myself bitter, as I'm generally a happy/funny/spontaneous person. I've just been in kind of a rut for almost a week and I only really felt safe talking about it here. I generally like to keep my whining fairly anonymous. I don't usually like making myself that emotionally vulnerable in everyday life.
> 
> But I just wanted to say thank you to all the bhms/ffas out there with all your kind words, empathy, and support.
> 
> Sometimes it's good to just get things out.



You don't sound bitter at all. But unless you are an über pacient angel you can get bitter over time. I hope you don't tho :eat1:


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## vaio (Jul 18, 2007)

Give me an idea of your size. Is there really any health implications. This should be your foremost concern. Apart from that everyone feels like their out of the in crowd at some time or other. It is the an aspect of the human condition. There is no magical formula to finding nice women to date. It is a hit and miss proposition at best. It is good to vent though


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## persimmon (Jul 18, 2007)

StridentDionysus said:


> You don't sound bitter at all. But unless you are an über pacient angel you can get bitter over time. I hope you don't tho :eat1:



Well hell, I'm bitter, and I have very little patience with anyone who says I need to change my attitude. The Boy and I are both bitter, suspicious and kind of asocial, but happily ever after.

p


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 18, 2007)

I guess everyone is a little bit bitter, but I wouldn't call it a problem. I'm a pretty patient person, though.

I'm in the 400 range. Not a health issue at the moment, and I don't feel like it hampers my lifestyle. Ideally I'd like to be around 270-300, though.


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## PolarKat (Jul 18, 2007)

vaio said:


> Give me an idea of your size. Is there really any health implications. This should be your foremost concern.


Gonna give ya the benefit of the doubt, but that's alot of the issue we have in society. Fat=unhealty=repulsive you feed people enough propaganda often and they start to believe it, and even build on it.


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## Catalina (Jul 19, 2007)

Rocczilla,

First of all, I admire your ability to even articulate that which you are feeling. You express yourself well, which in and of itself is a wonderful attribute.

There's not much I can add to that which others have said, only that I can totally sympathize and empathize with what you've written. Been there, done that, that's for sure!

Also, some of what you've shared here (that girls don't give you a chance; that you feel like the teddy bear; you don't believe "the fairer sex" sees you as sexual, etc...) sounds remarkably similar to those things said to me by the man I met recently - the experience I had which I shared here on the boards a while back. He felt the same way. He said no girls ever sought him out because they found him attractive - he was always the cool guy, the friend, etc... And when I approached him (to put it mildly) because he was so flippin' hot I couldn't NOT approach him, he was blown away!

I just want to commend you for sharing that which is not easy to share - and doing it in such a clear, articulate and calm manner - and to offer the possibility of hope. That while not all girls will be "into" you (we all have preferences, just as you do), there are girls who are, and who will be. Maybe your own lenses need to be adjusted a bit, so that you don't fall victim of not seeing the forrest for the trees. Maybe the girls who are diggin' on you aren't being noticed, 'cause you're diggin' on the girls who aren't diggin' on you.  We humans can be weird like that sometimes, eh? ;-)

I look forward to more of your posts, Rocczilla, and to more of what others have to say.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 19, 2007)

Catalina said:


> Rocczilla,
> 
> First of all, I admire your ability to even articulate that which you are feeling. You express yourself well, which in and of itself is a wonderful attribute.
> 
> ...



It's not that I'm not noticing girls who like me, I just know who I'm gonna click with and who will never reach that point. I'm a pretty eccentric person, and I need someone that meshes well with that. I need people who can keep up with my obscure references and my philosophical dronings. That's why intelligence and personality and sense of humor are the biggest things for me. Other than that, hygiene is the big thing. I'm really OCD about cleanliness. My own cleanliness, the cleanliness and order of my environment, and other people's cleanliness. The only girls that have been interested in me are girls that just want something entirely physical. I'm not into that. I'm a very romantic, spiritual, and loving person. I need a more raw connection than just physical. I'm not putting anything on a pedestal, I just know that tingle in my spine when I find someone I really really like. I'm not shallow, just fickle and overly critical. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to be picky, though.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jul 19, 2007)

Hey Rocczilla,
This is my first post here. You brought me out of lurkerdom with your honest and thoughtful thread. I'm an FFA, I want to say that first so that you will know the context of my reply. First off, you sound like a really great guy. It also sounds like the type of woman you're looking for would be the exact type of woman who would want a man with your personality and interests. I don't know if there's a direct correlation, but I think if you read through some of the posts on other topics by FFAs, you'll also notice a lot of the characteristics you're looking for seem common to FFAs (or at least the ones who post here). That's the good news. One thing in reading your post that occurs to me (and maybe others will disagree, but it's just my opinion) is that the type of woman you want might be slightly harder to meet in traditional places like bars, etc. Not because they aren't there, but they are probably not there to meet guys. I know that might not be the only place you're looking, I'm just using that as an example. My point is that you could meet the same woman in two different circumstances and the context of where you meet her might affect how she views you. For example, if a guy talks to me in a bar, even if he's a great, interesting guy, somewhere in the back of my mind is the thought "He's a guy who picks up women in bars." It's unfair, I know, but it automatically places a veneer of shallowness on him in my mind. And it's not something conscious, I just take a man's interest more seriously if I meet him say, through a small gathering of friends. Even if the small gathering is in a bar! Does that make any sense? Another thing is that you mentioned you have a great, close group of friends. I wonder if you always are with them when you're looking? A lot of women don't like to feel they're going up against a comittee either, so if you travel with several guys all the time, that might not help. 

But you sound like you have a lot of interests that you're passionate about and you live in, or near a city so it sounds like you could explore a lot of options outside just the bar scene. I'm also going to go out on a limb here and give you some unconventional advice (although, maybe you already do this) - embrace controversial subjects!! I know, I know everyone says steer clear of politics, religion, etc at first, but for the type of guy you are and the type of girl you want I say jump right in. If you see a pretty girl at a coffee shop or in a bookstore and she's reading a book on film, or politics, or by some author you like make sure you bring that subject up right away and be bold and tell her your real thoughts about it. If I'm sitting in a cafe reading _FIGHT CLUB_ and a guy walks up, says hi and says a few things about the book I'll take him WAAAAYYY more seriously than if he says, "So, you come here often?" Or "You like to read?" I'll know he's basing his approach on a deeper connection and that he could intellectually stimulate me. It may not always work out, or work, but that's two great things for someone to know about you right off the bat. In your case it might be a girl reading a book on a particular director or something, but you get my point. Situations like that or film screenings, film festivals, maybe even readings or lectures, places like are also good. And since you're a writer, there's always workshops, classes or even just writer's groups and circles. Also, look for women alone, or say with one friend at these kinds of places and in these situations. I think the kind of woman you want doesn't socialize in large groups. That's my experience with my friends anyway. But NEVER interrupt a pair of female friends having a serious conversation anywhere. You can tell the difference, if they are intently talking, leave them alone. It they're more casually hanging out or looking in a bookstore or whatever, be bold. That's my two cents. Sorry it's long, but I really feel strongly about this. To me this is about more than just FFA/BHM this is about the fact that intelligent, independent thinking, interesting women need men like you to get out there and make yourselves known (this goes to most of the BHMs on this board, I've read your thoughtful, insightful posts)! 

Best of luck to you finding Ms. Right!

p.s. Hi everybody! Guess this post will tell you a little about me


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## Catalina (Jul 20, 2007)

Dr. P Marshall,

Great post! Talk about thoughtful and insightful - what you wrote is both of those, and you brought up some really good points. 

(I know you're words are directed towards Rocczilla, but I couldn't _not _respond.)

PS: Welcome from Lurkerdom! I look forward to reading more from you.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jul 20, 2007)

Thanks Catalina! You're officially my first response! Yay! I look forward to participating on this forum. You guys all seem pretty great.


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## GrowingBoy (Jul 20, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> Gah, I had a great weekend, but I still can't help but feel alone.... I feel like myself, but people sometimes look at me like I don't belong...
> 
> It seems like the only thing missing in my life is some kind of emotional closeness. I'm a very affectionate, romantic guy, and I just feel like that part of me is wasting away.



It's not wasting away. The ability to give love and affection is always there, waiting for the right partner. 

I'm going to say something that might sound strange, but it's proved true in my experience. Whatever it is that you feel ashamed of, or different because of, or feel you "should" like, but don't -- you will eventually need to accept, and own, and be proud of. And once you've done that, you'll be more able to accept those things in other people, too -- and that makes loving (and finding love) easier. 

We live in a world that loves to make distinctions, but distinctions are not values, unless we choose to view them that way. The saying "Vive la difference!" can apply to more than just the difference between sexes. 

Maybe your folks came from "the old country". Maybe you hate beer. 
Or maybe you're bigger or smaller or shorter or taller or lighter or darker or maybe you sweat more or less. Or maybe you have less or more money or less or more hair or a nicer or not so nice car or no car at all. All these things, really, are just facts; they have no power to determine your happiness.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 20, 2007)

GrowingBoy and Dr. P Marshall, you've both given more kind words and good advice than I could've asked for. Thanks for slinging so much positivity around the place. It helps give me some sort of silver lining in a world that can often be quite gray.

And I don't always approach girls at bars, but it's an easy place to strike up a conversation. I don't know about anyone else, but picking someone up in a bookstore is hard!  

I am a very controversial person, though. I like to be vulgar sometimes, or philosophical, or just plain old goofy. I'm a man of many faces, and I think people appreciate that. It just seems to be more on a friendly level than romantic.

I try to make myself as approachable as possible, and I always buck up and say hi to people even when I feel awkward, but I just can't seem to find any girls in my general region who are willing to give me a chance on a more than platonic level. It kind of sucks, but I mean it could be a lot worse.

Sometimes I just need to be held


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jul 20, 2007)

rocczilla,

I didn't mean to imply you only look in bars, I meant to clarify that in my first post, sorry if I didn't. I was just using an easy example. My point is that you sound like a man who knows himself and knows who he wants to be with. So to me it seems like you're past the point of casually meeting women in bars (or other places, I'm not making assumptions!  And I wasn't suggesting lurking in bookstores. I just meant that you should be open to opportunities in all venues. I think sometimes when we're doing something that really interests us, that's when we forget to look around and see who else is there. And that's exactly when we should be paying attention. 

And yes, the platonic speech sucks. It sucks for us all and everyone on earth has heard it too, too often. But it's great that you're being yourself and not afraid to be controversial and/or goofy. Because when you do cross paths with the right woman, it will make it very easy for her to know you're the right man.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 20, 2007)

To add to that gray little rut that had seemed to have subsided as of late, my cat, Lily, passed away today. She was an older, abused cat that we had adopted from the SPCA and given a good home. A lovely little maine coon and probably the sweetest cat I have ever had the pleasure of interacting with.

I mean, she was very old and I feel like we brightened the last 5 years of her life with a comfortable place to sleep, food to eat, and water to drink. She seemed very happy.

It's just one more slash on the "reasons to be depressed" tally.

There's been way too much death in the past year and a half of my life.

That, among other things, has been dragging me down significantly.

Does the pain ever end?


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## Solarbip (Jul 20, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> To add to that gray little rut that had seemed to have subsided as of late, my cat, Lily, passed away today. She was an older, abused cat that we had adopted from the SPCA and given a good home. A lovely little maine coon and probably the sweetest cat I have ever had the pleasure of interacting with.
> 
> I mean, she was very old and I feel like we brightened the last 5 years of her life with a comfortable place to sleep, food to eat, and water to drink. She seemed very happy.
> 
> ...





Dude I'm soooooo sorry. I <33333333 my animals. 


Fuck man. Hope you feel better.


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## Surlysomething (Jul 20, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> To add to that gray little rut that had seemed to have subsided as of late, my cat, Lily, passed away today. She was an older, abused cat that we had adopted from the SPCA and given a good home. A lovely little maine coon and probably the sweetest cat I have ever had the pleasure of interacting with.
> 
> I mean, she was very old and I feel like we brightened the last 5 years of her life with a comfortable place to sleep, food to eat, and water to drink. She seemed very happy.
> 
> ...





I'm sorry about your cat.  

I had to put my boy cat down last month...it was brutal.


Keep hangin' in there.


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## Solarbip (Jul 20, 2007)

If you lived close to me I could hook you up with a BEAUTIFUL kitten. Our cat had kittens about a month ago.


Again man I'm really sorry about your cat dude.


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## Catalina (Jul 20, 2007)

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, Rocczilla. 

She was so fortunate to have been rescued by you from a life of abuse! 

In addition to providing her with the basics (food, shelter and water), you provided her with safety, peace, love and affection - things which she may never have known were it not for you. She was _very _lucky and _very_ blessed, and it's a direct result of your compassion and care.

I'm very sorry for your loss.


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## cammy (Jul 20, 2007)

So sorry  about your sweet kitty. Its Caturday...maybe a visit to your local shelter will help.


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## HDANGEL15 (Jul 21, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> To add to that gray little rut that had seemed to have subsided as of late, my cat, Lily, passed away today. She was an older, abused cat that we had adopted from the SPCA and given a good home. A lovely little maine coon and probably the sweetest cat I have ever had the pleasure of interacting with.
> 
> I mean, she was very old and I feel like we brightened the last 5 years of her life with a comfortable place to sleep, food to eat, and water to drink. She seemed very happy.
> 
> ...



*feeling your PAIN my handsome friend...been there...lived it....feel the pain...and know your sweet puddy cat is happy and pain free and you were loved...

I lost my amazing doggy companion a few years ago and took about a week to find the MOST PERFECT MAINE COON CAT in the world....he is like a dog in that he meets me at the door..never lets me outta his sight..and purrs like the happiest cat in the world...and gives me UNCONDITIONAL LOVE....bless you hon xo 

*


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 21, 2007)

Thanks, everyone, for your support. It's just been kind of a tough time for me. This is only adding fuel to the fire.

Again, sorry for being so whiney. I'm just a motormouth when I feel like I can tell the truth free of ridicule. It's rare that I ever really tell people these kinds of things.


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## StridentDionysus (Jul 22, 2007)

rocczilla said:


> Thanks, everyone, for your support. It's just been kind of a tough time for me. This is only adding fuel to the fire.
> 
> Again, sorry for being so whiney. I'm just a motormouth when I feel like I can tell the truth free of ridicule. It's rare that I ever really tell people these kinds of things.



Well, as cliche as it sounds "skinny people don't get it". They might get the loneliness part but the reasons they never will. 

But you have friends, you go out and that's the important thing. Just now I ended an 8 year old friendship and she was the only friend I had left... to tell you the truth I've never felt so alone as I do right now. I'd normally would go to her for comfort but now I have no one. 

Sorry to say this but if I don't I might kill myself or something.

Also, sorry to hear about your cat, it sucks to lose a pet. I still miss my dog and she died two years ago


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## Solarbip (Jul 22, 2007)

StridentDionysus said:


> Well, as cliche as it sounds "skinny people don't get it". They might get the loneliness part but the reasons they never will.
> 
> But you have friends, you go out and that's the important thing. Just now I ended an 8 year old friendship and she was the only friend I had left... to tell you the truth I've never felt so alone as I do right now. I'd normally would go to her for comfort but now I have no one.
> 
> ...





I get suicidal thoughts daily yo. Go see a therapist and get on meds.


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## StridentDionysus (Jul 22, 2007)

Solarbip said:


> I get suicidal thoughts daily yo. Go see a therapist and get on meds.



Nah, I don't have the money for a therapist. I'll just buy a big bottle of rum and get drunk.


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## DionysusVoice (Jul 22, 2007)

About four years ago, I left an entire circle of friends behind. In a nutshell, I was experimenting with having an open relationship with my ex, but was getting sick of always seeing her hit on, and me enduring rejection after rejection (especially from a rather cruel nymph who shall remain nameless). 

After I left, I think pretty much every single one of my ex-male friends has been with her, and I've been more or less celibate this whole time. 

So yeah, I can certainly relate on some level there, guys.


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## StridentDionysus (Jul 22, 2007)

I just added you to MySpace. Also did the quizes on yours and got Dark Dragon, Epicurism and Heroin .

PS: What do you say ppl, should I drink vodka to feel like crap or rum to be a lil piratey (also the drink I have most of the time hehe)


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## DionysusVoice (Jul 22, 2007)

Well, if'n you're asking _me_, my friend, then I'd have to say RUM! Mai Tai is my fave drink when I go out . . .


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## Solarbip (Jul 22, 2007)

StridentDionysus said:


> Nah, I don't have the money for a therapist. I'll just buy a big bottle of rum and get drunk.





Ditto yo. No insurance here. =/


But I drink beer, it helps too, heh.


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## HDANGEL15 (Jul 22, 2007)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> This is my first post here. You brought me out of lurkerdom with your honest and thoughtful thread.
> p.s. Hi everybody! Guess this post will tell you a little about me


*
just wanted to say welcome..you sound very deep and thoughtful and I really appreciated your words of wisdom....and I highly agree in all you said....where are you from..are you a dr of what sort for real?*


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## Wanderer (Jul 22, 2007)

Hm... well, let's take it from the top:

Loneliness: Believe me, I know It was nothing short of a miracle when I met my current SO. She came over for math help from me and my sister, I came out in a too-small wifebeater and some tight (46" waist) jeans. She touched my belly, I asked her out... and it's been fun for all concerned. Well, except my sister's husband, who's crass enough to try and be a swinger with her...:blink: For some strange reason, she just doesn't go for him... 

My advice is the same as everyone else's, even with experience: Be someone women want to meet, and you'll meet women. I'm a sweet, caring guy who doesn't try to jump in the sack with a woman on the first date. I'm a great kisser (without Frenching), I give terrific backrubs, and I respect a woman's personal space.

My SO likes all of the above. Of course, I'm a little small for her tastes in BHMs yet, but I'm working on it... :eat1: But dress like you love your body, dance like nobody's watching, and ask women out like you're Casanova's understudy. (Just remember: He listened to women more than he made love to them.) 

Next chance we get, we're going clubbing. Any suggestions for a drink? Because...

Drinks: I've never found an alcohol I like _yet_! Beer, wine, sake... heck, hard cider is pushing it! For some reason, the taste of the alcohol just outweighs (pardon the expression) any fun I might have by drinking it. Okay, I have yet to try gin (Mother's drink of choice), blackberry wine (Mother's drink of second choice), mead (my sister's suggestion) or vodka (though I doubt it). Likewise, I've come closest with plum wine, which tastes very good... as long as it isn't served cold. (Cold plum wine has an aftertaste that could run a Coleman lantern.) What does rum taste like? (Warts and all, please. I'm still mad at the beer page that said Chocolate Stout tasted like a milkshake... )

Pets: I know, believe me. I had to give my last dog (previously my mother's, God rest her soul) to the animal shelter after she bit my two-year-old nephew. She's always been hyper... I just didn't expect her to be dangerous.

I can't have pets currently, since I'm living with my sister. But I'm hoping...

Yours truly,

The well-fed,

Wanderer


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## DionysusVoice (Jul 22, 2007)

Drinks: Y'know, I never really liked the taste of alcohol (I know, I know, kinda weird for a guy who calls himself "Dionysus" to admit [although I like wines!]), either. But still, when I choose to go out and drink socially, I typically get something sweet & fruity, and especially with rum (which is fermented sugar cane). Sometimes you get a slight bitter nip with it, but usually it's sweet enough to kill the alcoholic taste. Not sure what your drinking tastes are, but hey . . . that's just my opinion.


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## GTAFA (Sep 30, 2010)

I'm posting an article I found quite interesting. Here's an old thread concerning loneliness that seems as good a place as any to post this.

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/single-and-happy


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Oct 1, 2010)

DionysusVoice said:


> Drinks: Y'know, I never really liked the taste of alcohol (I know, I know, kinda weird for a guy who calls himself "Dionysus" to admit [although I like wines!]), either. But still, when I choose to go out and drink socially, I typically get something sweet & fruity, and especially with rum (which is fermented sugar cane). Sometimes you get a slight bitter nip with it, but usually it's sweet enough to kill the alcoholic taste. Not sure what your drinking tastes are, but hey . . . that's just my opinion.



Rum is totally my alcohol of choice, as well. I never knew it was fermented sugar cane... so that's an interesting little fact. 

I just friggin' love Malibu coconut rum and banana rum... although Malibu is only like 15%-20% alcohol... it's still great.


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