# First post. I need someone to talk to. Somewhat*EXPLICIT*



## 525 (Oct 11, 2006)

Hello to all. My name's Joe, and I'm Waaaay to fat... for my wife of 10 years liking that is. This is being pretty open for a first post but I have no one to talk to about my troubles... so here it goes.. I'm having some issues dealing with being overweight, although I have been all my life, my wife is really making me feel bad about it. However I was told by a very attractive lady out of the blue the other day about "FFA"s and "BHM's" she says she was one & I was SHOCKED. I had never heard of such a thing before. She told me to google it & thats how I ended up here. I myself love BBW's and always have been more attracted to bigger girls, I don't know if its because I feel more normal around them or what, but I think they are hot either way. I am married with three kids and my wife is a size 22. I'm super attracted to her but we have not had sex in 3 months and only about 8 times in the last year. We do have good sex though "she says", *not on my end its not*. I feel like I'm getting used. We only have sex when "she" wants to and never when I want to. She always gets hers quick and then shes done, thats it, game over. DRIVES ME CRAZY!! I know she is not attracted to me though because of my size. I feel like a human dildo! And a barely used one at that.. What should I do. I feel like giving up and like I'm only with her because of the kids....I need to be loved more....but I cant seem to loose the weight for her.. Should I move on and look for someone who love's me & *is* attracted to me, or what should I do???? She knows how I feel, we have talked at length about this...she loves me, but she is not attracted to me... I feel like this is all my fault because I have gained so much weight in the past ten years...Unhappy in Indiana...

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=116370869


----------



## love dubh (Oct 11, 2006)

Hm....If she knows you're unhappy, and she knows that she is no longer attracted to you...but does she still love you/enjoy you as the man she married? Because, I'm thinking, and this is rather extreme/unconventional...would she be okay with you having a "girlfriend," a women who doesn't want any ties, but simply wants a sexual relationship?


----------



## estrata (Oct 11, 2006)

I certainly wouldnt give up on your marriage. Do you love her and does she love you? That is the most important thing, and according to you she loves you. Do you love her? If so, that there are always ways to work these things out. Please consider the fact that it may have nothing to do with your weight, but she is using that as an excuse. There may be a deeper problem which she is not even admitting to herself. All couples go through dry spells  are you sure this one is because of your weight?

Either way, I suggest you find a professional councilor. It may cost some money, but your marriage isnt going to be saved by a bunch of people on forums. If it is really desperate, you must seek professional help for the sake of your family. An unhappy relationship affects everyone, including your children.

If your wife doesnt want to go into therapy I would suggest going in yourself. You sound very depressed, with very low self esteem. Even if you work through that on your own it will have a positive effect on your marriage.

Dont blame your wife, because blaming will only hurt you and your children. Dont become bitter. Seek professional help, you need to work through your depression and self esteem issues. You sound like your in a very low place, and perhaps your wife is putting you down as well. But you cant hang all your self belief on her opinion  get strength in yourself and then you will be able to work on your marriage.

-Laura


----------



## lucyp (Oct 12, 2006)

estrata said:


> I certainly wouldnt give up on your marriage. Do you love her and does she love you? That is the most important thing, and according to you she loves you. Do you love her? If so, that there are always ways to work these things out. Please consider the fact that it may have nothing to do with your weight, but she is using that as an excuse. There may be a deeper problem which she is not even admitting to herself. All couples go through dry spells  are you sure this one is because of your weight?



I think Laura's right. This may not really be about your weight, it may be an excuse. If she's not been interested in sex for *just the last year* (and before that she was interested) it may be something else and she's just latching on to an easy excuse.

Is she stressed about money, or the state of the world (it's been looking a tad scary lately, eh)? Is she overworked? You did say you had three children- young children can be a real libido killer. Do you still do romantic things like take her out on dates (with no kids present)? Men sometimes underestimate how much women really need quality time with their guy to get to feeling in the mood.

I must say that there are things about your description of your wife's behavior that concern me. If she's truly not attracted by your weight gain, a kinder and gentler (I'm all about the kindness thing, insults truly never help) way for her to address that might be for her to take you both out on walks or something. You know, doing something productive together. And hey, sex burns lots of calories. Done right can be a real workout.

In any case, here's my favorite links on marriage.
http://www.smartmarriages.com/growup.html
http://www.smartmarriages.com/hargrave.html
http://www.smartmarriages.com/intentionalmarriage.html

I've found a lot of inspiration there for working on my own marriage. Maybe something there might appeal to you?
=)
LucyP


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 12, 2006)

You mention you like BBW's, but the first thing that jumped out at me was does your WIFE like being one? If she hates her own body, that may be a key to why you aren't having sex more.

One thing I found that the posters here helped me with is this: It doesn't matter what you like if the other person doesn't like themselves. I posted about not being able to convince a man I thought he was hot. About three pages later with tons of input from both men and women gave me the answer. The key was not to convince him he was hot or that I thought he was hot, because what that says is "If I only I could get him to see this my way, he'd be happy." The truth was, he hated being fat, didn't like how he looked, and the point was not "Well, if only I can convince him I think he's gorgeous he'll be happy." What made him happy was to lose weight because he wanted to look a certain way. Sure you are attracted to her, but is she attracted to herself?

Second thing is do YOU like the way you look? Are you happy with your body or do you want to be smaller? All your post said was that your wife didn't like your body but you never said whether or not you liked it. You said you couldn't seem to lose weight "for her," but I have to wonder if you tried to lose weight for yourself? You said you wanted to be loved and accepted for who you are, so I somewhat assume you enjoy being fat. I could be wrong, but that's how it sounded.

The only person you can control is you. The only person she can control is herself. Taking your anger or frustrations out about your own insecurities or body issues on others is a dead end proposition. A guy once asked me if I'd get mad at him if he had junk food around and I ate it and gained weight which he knows I don't want to do. I said simply "No, because i'm responsible for what I eat, you are not. If i ate a bunch of junk and put on weight, I would have no right to blame anyone but myself."


----------



## lucyp (Oct 12, 2006)

Oh, yes. And then there's the whole 'Why your wife won't have sex with you' blog.

http://blogs.salon.com/0003935/stories/2004/08/13/introduction.html

If you read that one all the way down to all the comments you'll get a lovely eyeful of the nitty gritty of female vs male psychology. It's kind of ouchie, really, in the way that things that are true often are. But useful.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 12, 2006)

Have you asked your wife specifically why she was attracted to you in the first place, and why she's not attracted to you now? (You have to be willing to not talk back and just listen here.) 

There's also a reference to being bipolar on your MySpace. Are you getting treatment for this? Mental illness can have a huge effect on your relationship, and while not your fault, requires you both work on it.


----------



## activistfatgirl (Oct 12, 2006)

I don't have additional comments. I just wanted to say that each person who commented brought such great ideas and helpful suggestions I got overwhelmed by a warm fuzzy about it. Don't comment back to me cause I don't want to hijack.

Good luck to the Original Poster. Welcome to Dimensions!


----------



## CuteyChubb (Oct 12, 2006)

Hi.
Sorry you're going through this. I do agree getting prof help would be the best bet. At least here, you could find a lot of good info to help with accepting yourself but if you believe the marriage is worth saving, find yourself some help, fast. Best wishes.


----------



## EvilBob (Oct 13, 2006)

maire dubh said:


> I'm thinking, and this is rather extreme/unconventional...would she be okay with you having a "girlfriend," a women who doesn't want any ties, but simply wants a sexual relationship?



God bless you, Maire Dubh! LOL! 

I just hope my girl isn't reading this one, though! (Only kidding baby!) LOL 

525, you are in a tough spot. I have no real advice to give, as this is a tragically individual situation. But, I will anyway…

Just know that you deserve to be happy in life, and you must pursue that happiness with the passion of an insane artist. If you determine you will be happiest making the marriage work, then let loose your spirit and make things work. Work on things with her, share with her, communicate with her, love her, love yourself, seek therapy -- anything you can to make things better.

If you decide you would be happier elsewhere -- or that you have tried all the things your heart can find to make it work and it doesn't -- then more on with a clear mind and hopeful soul.

Life is a joy, when we aren't fighting it.

Best wishes, 
EvilBob


----------



## 525 (Oct 16, 2006)

I want to say thank you for all the comments! You have helped me to see that I need to not worry about trying to change the way my wife thinks, but rather I should concentrate on my problems and becoming a better person. If I do that I have a feeling it will all work out and fall into place however it should. I need to just be the best man I can be..Thanks again!!...Joe


P.S. Im not fat, *IM JUST IN ALL CAPS!!*


----------



## Slowfuse (Oct 16, 2006)

525, I don't have any words of advice for you. Just want to tell you that you aren't the only one in this situation. I understand completely how you feel. My personal way of dealing with the situation would be considered morally wrong, but I am who I am. I've tried for about 14 years to convince my spouse how beautiful she is to me, and I keep trying, but I know it's wasted effort. I stay for my daughterm who will be off to college in about 8 years. I've almost become 2 different people. There's the "me" that is at home, and is totally domesticated, and can't sleep at night, from laying next to someone who has no love for me. Then there's the "me" that flirts and carries on. The me who has very understanding female friends whom participate in mutual "gratification". 
If you and her are still talking, please let her know (politely) how you feel. Try to talk it over with her. If she's willing to do counseling with you, thats great. One other thing, which many here might not agree about, I've used Meridia for weight loss, and got GREAT results with it. It also seemed to help with the depression and lack of sleep. but I couldn't keep taking because I lost my insurance when I was terminated from last job. In the end, You have to be happy with yourself. noone else can do that for you. At least she uses you for sex. I'm just a secoundary source of income, and as such only worth as much as my last paycheck....


----------



## fatkid420 (Oct 17, 2006)

If you are interested check some of my back posts, i used to be very large 425+ pounds? Im not sure of my highest weight because I never was weighed at my largest. I can tell you I was a size 60 waist and 4x/5xi shirts. In 6 months time I am now a size 44 waist 1x/2x shirt and still loosing. I am starting to reach the point now where I have excess skin all over the place and am going to need to have surgery. 

I lost all that weight with no outside help. I didn't take diet pills or use any programs, just will power and exercise. 

Whats my point by this post? If you are unhappy at your size change it. Show your wife you are making an attempt to change. I can say tho that if my wife had sex with me as little as she did you I would be out of there and lookin elsewhere to get my rocks off. Life is to short to be unhappy. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 17, 2006)

fatkid420 said:


> If you are unhappy at your size change it.



He never says he's unhappy with his size.



fatkid420 said:


> I can say tho that if my wife had sex with me as little as she did you I would be out of there and lookin elsewhere to get my rocks off. Life is to short to be unhappy. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.



OH, that'll fix the marriage. Sex doesn't equate to happiness, and certainly, life's too short to screw up your marriage by CHEATING.


----------



## fatkid420 (Oct 17, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> He never says he's unhappy with his size.
> 
> 
> 
> OH, that'll fix the marriage. Sex doesn't equate to happiness, and certainly, life's too short to screw up your marriage by CHEATING.



Life is also far to short to be stuck in something where you aren't happy.



525 said:


> I feel like I'm getting used. We only have sex when "she" wants to and never when I want to.






525 said:


> I feel like a human dildo!



Those don't sound like statements made by one who is happy. If his wife isn't willing to give in to his needs then what makes it not ok to go out and find it else ware? 

We don't know the full story or what is really going through the wifes mind so its hard to give any solid advice. I know if it were me I would move out asap until she was willing to either work things out or move on. It just sucks that kids are involved.


----------



## lucyp (Oct 18, 2006)

fatkid420 said:


> If his wife isn't willing to give in to his needs then what makes it not ok to go out and find it else ware?



Turn it around and look at it from another direction.

Imagine: you're a married man, you've been married 15 years and you love your wife, suddenly you get health problems and are afflicted with impotence. You are afraid and ashamed, you feel unmanly, you are in mourning for what you have lost, you start acting out against your wife in your fear and anger and shame, you stop hugging her because you don't want sex to start, she doesn't know what's going on, she's afraid, things get cold and mean.

Would you now like to have a wife who would instantly give up, take half your belongings and run away with someone else? Because despite 15 years she thinks you are just not worth the bother to even talk to? 

Or would you instead like to have a wife who deeply loves you no matter what, who has been through rough times with you before and knows she can and will slog up that mountain in the snow one more time, and one more time again, always one more time, a true partner who can look beneath your surface and extend out her hand to you despite the pain.

Marriage, true marriage, is not always easy or fun, and it is not like being 'in love'. When things get tough, married love is something you DO because it is the right thing to do. You might not feel 'in love' every moment, but you do it, you hold out your hand, and you do it right, ....and things then get easier again. Problems get solved. And then you get to be 'in love' again, and even more and even deeper.

In true marriage, as in life, you get what you give.

~LucyP, who's been there, done that.


----------



## fatkid420 (Oct 18, 2006)

lucyp said:


> Turn it around and look at it from another direction.



I have to assume that he has already made an attempt to communicate this problem to his wife. I only say that because of the context of his post. I know that if it were me I would get the fuck out the second I wasn't happy. Life if far to short to spend it unhappy and in pain. If he is unhappy and his wife isn't willing to work the problems out what other options are there? Humans are naturally sexual creatures and to not have sex or intimacy is not natural nor healthy. 

Counseling was suggested this might be a good option.


----------



## FatKatLuvr (Oct 19, 2006)

*Sharing it here:* 

I saw your message and had to say......

That you can't live your life waiting for your wife to approve of you. She either wants(attracted) you or she doesn't(not attracted) want you. Now, I understand a few people have posted comments saying -"hey don't let go of your marriage" and all that but ask yourself why should you change the way you look now when you have always accepted the way your wife looks and have never or would never ask her to change the way she looks in order for you to love her more? 

You see what I'm saying. Your wife is making a judgment of you and is placing her feelings about you in that judgment. She is telling you that she is not attracted to you because you are fat and that is not right. She is fat,too. You haven't sent her crying to bed or demanding she get a 24Hour Fitness Gym membership. I understand that you didn't intend to get fat, it happens but if she really loved you for you then it wouldn't be a problem now would it. This is serious. 

You need to find happiness and not bother going to therapy where some skinny 56yrs. old head shrink is going to lay all the blame on you and then wind up telling you that you have to change your appearance in order to get your wife's approval and love of you. That you will have to workout day in and day out just to get an "I love you!" or just a hug or a passionate kiss. That's lame and it sounds like more emotional torture than what you are already experiencing. Listen, find happiness now, love yourself as you are. Believe in yourself , don't let her step on your feelings. Your are hurting and you need to heal.

Eat right, don't diet or starve yourself. Eat within moderation and treat yourself every now then to something sweet. Don't get hung up on eating the same thing all the time, change it up,every day. Eat a wide variety of foods. Drink plenty of water. And walk at least 45 minutes a day. Don't walk fast but at your own walking pace. Do it for you. It's not about losing weight but gaining self love and self respect of yourself and your body . You can be fat and fit. Never over do it. What I'm telling you is take care of you in everyway that matters to you and leave your judgmental wife behind and find a woman who will appreciate your body(mind and spirit) as well as you appreciate hers.

You can kill yourself trying to please your wife now and all she'll end up doing is marrying another fat guy and putting him down or worse yet she'll marry a skinny guy and he'll turn around and do to her the same thing she did to you. The only difference is that you will be dead and she will still be here either way. Life is too short to spend ALL of your precious time WAITING to be REALLY loved again. You can do it, just do it. Just be yourself. Take care of your kids as well. Good Luck and God Bless. 

****I decided to post this because I felt it should be added after all. I know some here will be upset at what I've said to 525 but this is MY point of view.*:bow:


----------



## FatKatLuvr (Oct 19, 2006)

lucyp said:


> In true marriage, as in life, you get what you give.
> 
> ~LucyP, who's been there, done that.



The point here is that he is giving her ALL the love and attention SHE WANTS and he is **left hanging**, physical and especially emotional wise. In this case he is not getting in return what he has given and therefore should **pull out and run**. 

His wife isn't interested in working things out because she doesn't see that there's something wrong. The main issue being her attitude. I agree that marriage is for better or for worse but it's not worth going through down right **rotten**, that's worse than worse itself. It shouldn't be tolerated or sorted out. 

*Sometimes it's not about the grass being greener on the other side, sometimes it's about- "is there any grass on one's own side to begin with?"-FatKatLuvr:*:bow:


----------



## ripley (Oct 19, 2006)

FatKatLuvr said:


> The point here is that he is giving her ALL the love and attention SHE WANTS and he is **left hanging**, physical and especially emotional wise. In this case he is not getting in return what he has given and therefore should **pull out and run**.



"Left hanging" and "pull out and run" are bad choices of words in this instance.



FatKatLuvr said:


> His wife isn't interested in working things out because she doesn't see that there's something wrong.


His wife isn't here; don't put words in her mouth. She obviously does see something is wrong if she's not wanting to make love to her husband. It's easy for you to sit back and tell him to write her off...but it's pretty apparent to me that he still loves her and there are the kids to consider. Also, have you asked yourself why now? The OP said he has always been fat, so he must have been fat when she married him. Therefore, there is something else going on here beyond a size issue. Marriages are complicated things and you should realize when giving your opinion that you know very, very, very little of what is really going on.


----------



## FatKatLuvr (Oct 19, 2006)

ripley said:


> "Left hanging" and "pull out and run" are bad choices of words in this instance.
> 
> 
> His wife isn't here; don't put words in her mouth. She obviously does see something is wrong if she's not wanting to make love to her husband. It's easy for you to sit back and tell him to write her off...but it's pretty apparent to me that he still loves her and there are the kids to consider. Also, have you asked yourself why now? The OP said he has always been fat, so he must have been fat when she married him. Therefore, there is something else going on here beyond a size issue. Marriages are complicated things and you should realize when giving your opinion that you know very, very, very little of what is really going on.


My words are my words, my choices, not yours. You don't like them, tough.
It wasn't meant as bad as you imply, plus 525 started his post about sex in the first place. "Bone" of contention? Sue me.

He said that he has become too big, in her eyes. Thus, is why she is not attracted to him anymore.

As for his wife I wasn't putting words in her mouth, He said that he has had discussions with her and it has gone no where. So,what other conclusions can be drawn from this? She doesn't give a damn about him or his feelings.
Actions speak louder than words and she has shown very little caring.

The kids are not the issue as they will just be part of the never ending cycle of "kids of divorce", in this country. Sad, but true. Better they grow up with parents that love each other than to watch the one-sided, love unreciporcated, emotional slugfest,that is their current learning environment.

525 and his wife need to part and find new happiness. The kids will be the better for it. If they do it right. Not all relationships are going to work out.The kids are unfortunate victims caught in the middle. Life isn't easy.

*Anyway, I haven't been policing you lately (at all and won't) so please don't start with me, ripley.*   :bow:


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 19, 2006)

News flash: Not having sex with your S/O doesn't mean you're rejecting them or don't love them. Doesn't mean 525's feelings aren't valid. However, this woman is being villainized by some posters here. It's not been considered whether or not the woman has PHYSICAL problems or emotional problems or there are other marital issues. His MySpace insinuates he's bipolar; you can't tell me that doesn't have an effect on a marriage. Just because you want something doesn't mean you get it. If the marriage is going to work, it's not going to just be about one party getting what s/he wants.


----------



## FatKatLuvr (Oct 19, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> News flash: Not having sex with your S/O doesn't mean you're rejecting them or don't love them. Doesn't mean 525's feelings aren't valid. However, this woman is being villainized by some posters here. It's not been considered whether or not the woman has PHYSICAL problems or emotional problems or there are other marital issues. His MySpace insinuates he's bipolar; you can't tell me that doesn't have an effect on a marriage. Just because you want something doesn't mean you get it. If the marriage is going to work, it's not going to just be about one party getting what s/he wants.


Listen this guy came here and ask for some opinions. He got them. Some in favor of his "sticking with it and working it out" and others like myself saying "just leave". Just because you don't like the sound of it doesn't mean you start slamming people for giving their opinions.

Just give your thoughts and leave it at that. She knew he was bi polar to begin with so that's not the issue. You're reaching.

She doesn't have any problems getting her "quicky" and going off to watch T.V. or whatever the hell. Physical relations in a marriage is very important to the over all success of the marriage. It's healthy and shouldn't be "shelfed". End of debate.

So, if you don't get it, then you're suppose to just put up with it forever? I don't think so. And asking him to do so is victimizing him as much as she is already. Yes, his feelings are valid. If the situation was in reverse you would be on her side. So, don't get moralist with me, SADe. Rejection is rejection and it hurts. No two ways about it.

I think the replies to this post have been more than a balance of all possible views and in the end we'll never really know what came of them anyway. 

Free country still intacted. I think?:bow:


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 19, 2006)

FatKatLuvr said:


> Listen this guy came here and ask for some opinions. He got them. Some in favor of his "sticking with it and working it out" and others like myself saying "just leave". Just because you don't like the sound of it doesn't mean you start slamming people for giving their opinions.



And what are you doing but slamming others for their opinions? Look, I'm giving you another view to consider. I'm not squalling about how he needs to leave his wife because he's not getting his. I'm not demonizing either side.



> Just give your thoughts and leave it at that. She knew he was bi polar to begin with so that's not the issue. You're reaching.



How do you know she knew he was bipolar or that she knew how severe it was? Who's reaching? Show where he said that.



> She doesn't have any problems getting her "quicky" and going off to watch T.V. or whatever the hell. Physical relations in a marriage is very important to the over all success of the marriage. It's healthy and shouldn't be "shelfed". End of debate.



You don't know why she's doing this. All you're doing is hearing one side. You don't know if she's freaking out and pretending to have an orgasm, or if it hurts, or if she's embarassed. 



> So, if you don't get it, then you're suppose to just put up with it forever? I don't think so. And asking him to do so is victimizing him as much as she is already. Yes, his feelings are valid. If the situation was in reverse you would be on her side. So, don't get moralist with me, SADe. Rejection is rejection and it hurts. No two ways about it.



I never suggested that, but I also didn't recommend he go find sex somewhere else or leave. No one's entitled to sex; it's a way of enjoying one another's company, and if it's not enjoyable for both parties and one party doesn't care, that's almost sexual abuse. I guarentee if he were here moaning that his wife was trying to nail him all the time and was treating him in such a way that he basically felt like her sex pig and she had a mental illness, you'd be DRIPPING with sympathy for him. Point is, you routinely expect women on here to be submissive. Let's call a spade a spade here. I don't like it.



> I think the replys to this post have been more than a balance of all possible views and in the end we'll never really know what came of them anyway.
> 
> Free country still intacted. I think?:bow:



You want to silence the views you don't agree with though. God forbid anyone try to have a discussion with you. Ditch the holier than thou attitude and play again. (Oh, and there are people from all around the world here and it's a privately owned forum. So thanks for trying to end on a witty note.)


----------



## FatKatLuvr (Oct 19, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> And what are you doing but slamming others for their opinions? Look, I'm giving you another view to consider. I'm not squalling about how he needs to leave his wife because he's not getting his. I'm not demonizing either side.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Where did I try to silence anyone? or their views? I give my views and opinions to 525 and shared them with the "thread", afterwards you come in accusing me of being part of some "villianizing ring"?

That was my point, there have been post made by plenty of people here and I don't know why you chose me to come "out of left " on, but I'm not liking it one bit. I don't routinely expect nothing but to be left the hell alone after I post my reply to someone's post(525,etc, etc.). You don't know me. When was I acting or responding in an holier than thou attitude. 

I didn't try to end on a witty note. I was reaching out to your rationale, I can see I failed. :bow:


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 19, 2006)

FatKatLuvr said:


> Where did I try to silence anyone? or their views? I give my views and opinions to 525 and shared them with the "thread", afterwards you come in accusing me of being part of some "villianizing ring"?
> 
> That was my point, there have been post made by plenty of people here and I don't know why you chose me to come "out of left " on, but I'm not liking it one bit. I don't routinely expect nothing but to be left the hell alone after I post my reply to someone's post(525,etc, etc.). You don't know me. When was I acting or responding in an holier than thou attitude.
> 
> I didn't try to end on a witty note. I was reaching out to your rationale, I can see I failed. :bow:



You WERE villaining the wife (read carefully), claiming she's "just getting her quicky" and happy to leave him high and dry. You don't know that. 

As far as being able to reach out to rationale, before we walk, we must crawl. That means, you know, basic reading comprehension. (I didn't accuse you as being part of a ring. Show me where I said that.)

Gee, this is pretty holier than thou as it gets:



> I don't think so. And asking him to do so is victimizing him as much as she is already. Yes, his feelings are valid. If the situation was in reverse you would be on her side. So, don't get moralist with me, SADe. Rejection is rejection and it hurts. No two ways about it.
> 
> I think the replies to this post have been more than a balance of all possible views and in the end we'll never really know what came of them anyway.
> 
> Free country still intacted. I think?



In other words, you should be able to speak without being challenged. I get it. The awful women are attacking you again! 

But the thread's not about you. It's about 525. Don't freak the fuck out when someone challenges you on something.


----------



## FatKatLuvr (Oct 19, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> You WERE villaining the wife (read carefully), claiming she's "just getting her quicky" and happy to leave him high and dry. You don't know that.
> 
> As far as being able to reach out to rationale, before we walk, we must crawl. That means, you know, basic reading comprehension. (I didn't accuse you as being part of a ring. Show me where I said that.)
> 
> ...



You pose no challenge I can't handle Sade, so don't flatter yourself. This thread is and has been about 525.

As far as knowing about the "quicky" situation, it's stated by 525 in his own words in his post. So, I have that to go on when giving my response to him or about the situation. Please go back and read his post. This back and forth bickering you are doing is serving very little purpose to 525's post. So I'm going to end this with have a good morning to all.:bow:


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 19, 2006)

FatKatLuvr said:


> You pose no challenge I can't handle Sade, so don't flatter yourself. This thread is and has been about 525.
> 
> As far as knowing about the "quicky" situation, it's stated by 525 in his own words in his post. So, I have that to go on when giving my response to him or about the situation. Please go back and read his post. This back and forth bickering you are doing is serving very little purpose to 525's post. So I'm going to end this with have a good morning to all.:bow:



It's his interpretation of the situation that she's having an orgasm very quickly and being done and only having sex when she wants. The reason I have trouble believing that is that most people NEVER want to have sex with people they're just not attracted to. So, to me, that they're having sex at all is a positive sign, and probably means she's not totally selfish and evil. Y'know, Aristotilian logic is so passe. The story told is an interpretation of the situation, not the situation itself. He said they only have sex when she wants. That's ALL he said. He didn't say it was for her pleasure or that she enjoyed it. I want to do things I don't like all the time for the sake of others. 

I'll make this point though: Everyone here KNOWS you can't stand being challenged by a woman, whether it's Ripley, or Ren, or me. You're not particularly effective at making your arguments and when I show you where you say things exactly, you can't return the favor on me. (Hell, you've just made shit up.) And frankly, you need to have your nose rubbed in this.


----------



## FatKatLuvr (Oct 19, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> It's his interpretation of the situation that she's having an orgasm very quickly and being done and only having sex when she wants. The reason I have trouble believing that is that most people NEVER want to have sex with people they're just not attracted to. So, to me, that they're having sex at all is a positive sign, and probably means she's not totally selfish and evil. Y'know, Aristotilian logic is so passe. The story told is an interpretation of the situation, not the situation itself. He said they only have sex when she wants. That's ALL he said. He didn't say it was for her pleasure or that she enjoyed it. I want to do things I don't like all the time for the sake of others.
> 
> I'll make this point though: Everyone here KNOWS you can't stand being challenged by a woman, whether it's Ripley, or Ren, or me. You're not particularly effective at making your arguments and when I show you where you say things exactly, you can't return the favor on me. (Hell, you've just made shit up.) And frankly, you need to have your nose rubbed in this.



Where is this "everyone" you're referring. Oh, you mean the "three little women" playing a game of "Charmed" on yours truly. Well, frankly you can spend your time trying to rake me over the coles,for past sins I've already apologized for, it's only making you look petty. How did you know I had any altercations with Ren, in the first place? The conspiracy abounds.

I haven't fabricated anything on this or any board. You want to bring this to some sort of "battle" and I'm not interested. I don't know you and you don't know me. I have never had a problem with any woman on this board, if I get into a debate and that person happens to be a woman, I didn't chose it. I have had a few altercations with men here as well, which was the source of the fray I had with Ren. She didn't like that I was defending myself from JTW, so she came to his defense. 

***Ripley, I have stated and I will again state that I am truly sorry for what happened two years ago. I have come back here only to make a stronger connection with those in the size acceptance movement, mainly because of my disgust at the overt new wave of "fat bashing" going on in this country. I have made several positive posts here and I hope to make more. Whether my posts meet with your approval or not really doesn't concern me. If I connection with just a few people of a like mind then that's all I was looking for in the first place.*

I am not sexist and never have been, it just so happened that the bad encounters I've had happen to with a couple of the women here. I have had some very nice encounters with women here. So, you can stop with "he has a problem with women" rant because that's where the "myth" starts. You don't like me. Great, fine don't like me. You want to verbally challenge me,knock yourself out. I'm here for one reason only: to find out what's being done to stop the discrimination of large people in this country. If I have to do that by avoiding you , so be it. But , you will not run me away from an issue that is very much a part of life and has been for a very long time.

If you ladies want to "bash" me go right ahead but I will continue to state my opinions when and where ever possible. So, I look forward to engaging you all further, here at the forums. Have a good morning.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 19, 2006)

FatKatLuvr said:


> Where is this "everyone" you're referring. Oh, you mean the "three little women" playing a game of "Charmed" on yours truly. Well, frankly you can spend your time trying to rake me over the coles,for past sins I've already apologized for, it's only making you look petty. How did you know I had any altercations with Ren, in the first place? The conspiracy abounds.



1) Ripley doesn't know me from Adam. 

2) Being able to read helps me know about the discussion with Ren.

3) I don't think it's petty to point out how nasty you are to women, consistantly. 



> I haven't fabricated anything on this or any board. You want to bring this to some sort of "battle" and I'm not interested. I don't know you and you don't know me. I have never had a problem with any woman on this board, if I get into a debate and that person happens to be a woman, I didn't chose it. I have had a few altercations with men here as well, which was the source of the fray I had with Ren. She didn't like that I was defending myself from JTW, so she came to his defense.



You claimed I said you were in a "ring of villains" like an hour ago! 

You definately get more personal with women, and I'll be happy to pullquotes.
You're trying to turn this discussion as though we're trying to run you out, when all I'M saying is that women are not villains who are just victimizing men. Automatically saying a guy should go hit it where he can or abandon his wife because the sex/communication is bad is throwing the baby out with the bathwater. If you can't see that, I'm speechless. 

No one is "bashing" you. Get over yourself. Get back to the issues. Quit assuming the man is always right. 

For fear of repeating myself and boring everyone, I'm not saying anything else in this thread unless you want a quote of what I've said previously. I won't have you claiming I've said things I haven't.


----------



## ripley (Oct 19, 2006)

FatKatLuvr said:


> *Anyway, I haven't been policing you lately (at all and won't) so please don't start with me, ripley.*   :bow:



In my opinion your vehement post was dangerous advice. It needed countered, and I did that. Cry about it and throw a fit if you want, I did what I felt was the right thing to do.

As for "policing?" Knock yourself out. I stand by my opinions and if you can find fault with them, go for it.

As for an evil cabal of women targeting you? Please. You're not that important to strangers. Just because a few people think your posts can be a little "out there," it doesn't follow that they are all together planning on targeting you. That's just silly and a little paranoid.

I don't care what happened two years ago. You keep bringing it up, not me.


----------



## CuteyChubb (Oct 21, 2006)

Slowfuse and 525:

Both the OP and slowfuses post really made me think. I am sorta guilty of doing to my husband what your wives are doing to you.

I'll give a few details so maybe you can see another POV.

I have been having lots of issues lately. Lots. I rarely talk to anyone about my problems. I try to stay really busy so I don't deal with them. My possibly soon to be ex has had to deal with me being very busy, in my own world, uninterested in sex and not feeling like talking. I go to work, come home, cook dinner, play with my kids, do my on-line classes then go to bed. When he got tired of it and confronted me, I asked him to leave.

This is not fair to him at all. I love him but because I cannot handle the problems that keep kicking me in the rear, I push him away. Why? No clue.

So that's all I want to say about me. 
Just thought it might help you two understand, it may not be you at all.

Best wishes. We all need love.


----------



## Jes (Oct 24, 2006)

fatkid420 said:


> I have to assume that he has already made an attempt to communicate this problem to his wife. I only say that because of the context of his post. I know that if it were me I would get the fuck out the second I wasn't happy. Life if far to short to spend it unhappy and in pain. If he is unhappy and his wife isn't willing to work the problems out what other options are there? Humans are naturally sexual creatures and to not have sex or intimacy is not natural nor healthy.
> 
> Counseling was suggested this might be a good option.


i always wonder why people who want to get out so badly get married in the first place. no one is forcing anyone to get married...it's a contract of sorts, and you take it on, and the vows generally say: for better or worse. Do people think about that? I may sound like a big pain in the ass now, but I've just never understood it. For better or worse, not better or better! Just seems odd, to me. I know I'm not married (or divorced) but I guess the fact that I could be would kind of keep me from marriage. I don't want a judge getting involved with me wanting my Bowie albums back.


----------



## fatkid420 (Jul 5, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> You mention you like BBW's, but the first thing that jumped out at me was does your WIFE like being one? If she hates her own body, that may be a key to why you aren't having sex more.



without hearing from the wife or more details im going with what lovebhms has suggested.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

fatkid420 said:


> without hearing from the wife or more details im going with what lovebhms has suggested.



This thread is 4 years old...


----------



## fatkid420 (Jul 5, 2010)

Paquito said:


> This thread is 4 years old...



thank you for being so observant and feeling the need to point that out. 

you deserve a cookie for that. 

do you have a preference on type or should i just get you one of each kind?


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

fatkid420 said:


> thank you for being so observant and feeling the need to point that out.
> 
> you deserve a cookie for that.
> 
> do you have a preference on type or should i just get you one of each kind?



Aww, somebody thinks he's a big shot by trying to be cute. I'd pat you on the back, but I'm too busy not raising threads from the dead. Now you go play along and try to avoid the threads from the '70s.


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 5, 2010)

Necroposting. Ugh.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 5, 2010)

Surlysomething said:


> Necroposting. Ugh.



Careful, he might get you with his totally unique passive-aggressiveness. Lord knows I'm still recovering from the sting.


----------



## Melian (Jul 6, 2010)

*fucks the thread in an oozing orifice*

What?







ETA: ok ok, I suppose it wouldn't exactly be "oozing" anymore if it died in 2006, but let me have my dreams.


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya (Jul 6, 2010)

Melian said:


> *fucks the thread in an oozing orifice*
> 
> What?
> 
> ...



Hahahaha, you know, as soon as i saw this come back to life I actually said to myself, "I can't wait to see what melian has ton say about this." 

You have not disappointed.


----------



## Melian (Jul 6, 2010)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Hahahaha, you know, as soon as i saw this come back to life I actually said to myself, "I can't wait to see what melian has ton say about this."
> 
> You have not disappointed.



Just trying to contribute, positively.

Necroposting is not cool, and the kids will never learn without these educational messages.

:bow:


----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

I think I use "cute" too much.


----------



## TheMildlyStrangeone (Jul 6, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Aww, somebody thinks he's a big shot by trying to be cute. I'd pat you on the back, but I'm too busy not raising threads from the dead. Now you go play along and try to avoid the threads from the '70s.



I'm noticing that you are quite authoritarian. Do you think you run this place or something?


----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> I'm noticing that you are quite authoritarian. Do you think you run this place or something?



Nah, just if someone's being a dick.


----------



## TheMildlyStrangeone (Jul 6, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Nah, just if someone's being a dick.



talk about being passive aggressive. What's that saying about stones and glass houses...


----------



## stldpn (Jul 6, 2010)

You know what the best way to kill a necro post is? ignore it...


----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

Dear Mildly Strangeone (I would have just quoted you, but when I was writing my response, your post was the last in the thread, so I figured there would be no need to quote you. Plus, "dear" is a bit more inviting, and I'm just that kinda guy.)

I'd like to point out that in this thread, my first comment was meant to inform the poster that this thread has been dead for several years. I figured him as a bit of a n00b, so I thought if I pointed it out, he wouldn't make the same mistake again. When he decided that he'd get cute, then I became a dick. Now if you want to continue this little discussion, please feel free to not PM me and just tack it onto any other thread I post in.


----------



## TheMildlyStrangeone (Jul 6, 2010)

stldpn said:


> You know what the best way to kill a necro post is? ignore it...



then how would one go about post-whoring?


----------



## TheMildlyStrangeone (Jul 6, 2010)

Paquito said:


> I'd like to point out that in this thread, my first comment was meant to inform the poster that this thread has been dead for several years. I figured him as a bit of a n00b, so I thought if I pointed it out, he wouldn't make the same mistake again. When he decided that he'd get cute, then I became a dick. Now if you want to continue this little discussion, please feel free to not PM me and just tack it onto any other thread I post in.



I have an uncanny feeling this is directed at me but since you fail to ever direct your posts at anyone then I will fail to reply in kind.


----------



## stldpn (Jul 6, 2010)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> talk about being passive aggressive. What's that saying about stones and glass houses...



I see you guys have begun to turn on each other. 
You should send him a pack of post it notes and call it a day.


----------



## TheMildlyStrangeone (Jul 6, 2010)

stldpn said:


> You should send him a pack of post it notes.



LOL! Totally reminds me of this other thread on another messageboard. The replies were priceless. Let me see if I can find it.









































oh and 

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/


----------



## CastingPearls (Jul 6, 2010)

That is my absolute favorite go-to site when I can't sleep.


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 6, 2010)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> I have an uncanny feeling this is directed at me but since you fail to ever direct your posts at anyone then I will fail to reply in kind.



He edited his post. Now this silly little barb of yours looks even more pathetic than it did before. Perhaps you'd like to offer a more legitimate rebuttal to what he said instead of insulting him outright- especially since 420 was the one that got pissy.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

Blackjack said:


> He edited his post. Now this silly little barb of yours looks even more pathetic than it did before. Perhaps you'd like to offer a more legitimate rebuttal to what he said instead of insulting him outright- especially since 420 was the one that got pissy.



_Thank you._

And even when I edited it, I put a little note in the bottom stating that it was edited in order to clarify this "identity crisis." 

Wanna have Christov's babies? :wubu:


----------



## stldpn (Jul 6, 2010)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> then how would one go about post-whoring?



Hey... not for nothing... but there is a reason why I have certain people on ignore. I'm juvenile enough without having someone to help me get down to the troglodyte level.


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 6, 2010)

stldpn said:


> Hey... not for nothing... but there is a reason why I have certain people on ignore.



As far as I've been able to tell, he has me on ignore because I was owning his ass with scientific evidence in Hyde Park discussions about evolution and the moon landings until he finally started repeating "well I'm still not convinced so there. I win."


----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

I think we're both on the ignore list. Why anyone would want to ignore our awesomeness is beyond me.


----------



## TheMildlyStrangeone (Jul 6, 2010)

Blackjack said:


> He edited his post. Now this silly little barb of yours looks even more pathetic than it did before. Perhaps you'd like to offer a more legitimate rebuttal to what he said instead of insulting him outright- especially since 420 was the one that got pissy.
> 
> Or you could just keep acting like a dick. Your choice.



Or you could butt out and find out the actual history behind the back and forth before interjecting your unsolicited opinion. He told me to shut up, which I do not take to kindly.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> Or you could butt out and find out the actual history behind the back and forth before interjecting your unsolicited opinion. He told me to shut up, which I do not take to kindly.



wait...you can't be serious.

I told you to shut up, grab a pillow, and get some lingerie on. NO PART OF THAT STATEMENT WAS SERIOUS. Jesus Christ, me and Will were having an innocent nonsense battle. Hell, I added one of these  to the end of it. It was meant to signify that I was FUCKING JOKING. 

It's called banter.


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 6, 2010)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> Or you could butt out and find out the actual history behind the back and forth before interjecting your unsolicited opinion. He told me to shut up, which I do not take to kindly.



I'm sorry that you seem to have a shitty sense of when someone's joking, despite the ridiculous-looking  that's attached to the end of it. 

Taking it out on that person in other completely unrelated threads is definitely not an appropriate response.

It's nice to see that you chose Option B, though.


----------



## BigChaz (Jul 6, 2010)




----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

Dimensions has been so good to me lately. Oh the lulz I've had.


----------



## stldpn (Jul 6, 2010)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> Or you could butt out and find out the actual history behind the back and forth before interjecting your unsolicited opinion. He told me to shut up, which I do not take to kindly.



Not that I'm taking up for anyone... but you know there are some people that just don't know when the banter has gone too far.


----------



## TheMildlyStrangeone (Jul 6, 2010)

Blackjack said:


> I'm sorry that you seem to have a shitty sense of when someone's joking, despite the ridiculous-looking  that's attached to the end of it.
> 
> Taking it out on that person in other completely unrelated threads is definitely not an appropriate response.
> 
> It's nice to see that you chose Option B, though.



yeah, because wearing the hat of a hero is quite benevolent. It's cool though. If you gain superiority by going around messageboards and acting as an enlightened despot, more power to you. I will, however, continue to post factual based posts when discussing something as serious as drug use to cute social anxiety and gain self-esteem. I will continue to post on this board and for the most part, greatly enjoy myself and others on here. I have met and interacted with several people form this board so you're opinion of my dickish behavior must be limited to yourself.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

Short of starting a poll asking who was the bigger dick, I don't think anyone said that you shouldn't post here anymore. That's a bit of a jump, no?


----------



## BigChaz (Jul 6, 2010)

Everyone calm down. Scroll up. Look at the pictures of that damn cat. Just look at that cat. He is so happy. Imagine if you were that cat.














Ok. Everyone done? Sweet. 













(P.S. - Stop taking yourselves so seriously and calm down.)


----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

The last picture really captures my feelings over the past two days.


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 6, 2010)




----------



## Blackjack (Jul 6, 2010)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> yeah, because wearing the hat of a hero is quite benevolent. It's cool though. If you gain superiority by going around messageboards and acting as an enlightened despot, more power to you. I will, however, continue to post factual based posts when discussing something as serious as drug use to cute social anxiety and gain self-esteem. I will continue to post on this board and for the most part, greatly enjoy myself and others on here. I have met and interacted with several people form this board so you're opinion of my dickish behavior must be limited to yourself.



I'm just calling you out. How that makes me an enlightened despot who demands that you leave, I have no fucking clue.


----------



## CastingPearls (Jul 6, 2010)

BigChaz said:


> Everyone calm down. Scroll up. Look at the pictures of that damn cat. Just look at that cat. He is so happy. Imagine if you were that cat.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm sorry but if I were that cat I'd be plotting my human's death. He is not happy. He's tolerant. (and possibly sedated)


----------



## TheMildlyStrangeone (Jul 6, 2010)

Blackjack said:


> I'm just calling you out. How that makes me an enlightened despot who demands that you leave, I have no fucking clue.



I'd argue you that are a bigger dick for getting involved in something that doesn't involve you at all. Anyway, this will be my last part regarding this whole thing. I have no problem with paquito so it's all good. Flame on all you want, it matters little to me.


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 6, 2010)

Steady, people.


Someone tell a joke!


----------



## Paquito (Jul 6, 2010)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> I'd argue you that are a bigger dick for getting involved in something that doesn't involve you at all. Anyway, this will be my last part regarding this whole thing. *I have no problem with paquito so it's all good.* Flame on all you want, it matters little to me.



I'd just like to point out that I have no problem with you either. 

And cats really do make everything better.


----------



## Amandy (Jul 6, 2010)

BigChaz said:


> Everyone calm down. Scroll up. Look at the pictures of that damn cat. Just look at that cat. He is so happy. Imagine if you were that cat.
> 
> Ok. Everyone done? Sweet.
> 
> ...



When will I ever fucking get to rep you again? Do I have to spread it around for EVERYONE? Is it social security for fucks sake?


----------



## BigChaz (Jul 6, 2010)

Amandy said:


> When will I ever fucking get to rep you again? Do I have to spread it around for EVERYONE? Is it social security for fucks sake?



I can't rep you either. I declare this a draw.


----------



## Amandy (Jul 6, 2010)

BigChaz said:


> I can't rep you either. I declare this a draw.



Nope, we are not in equilibrium because I really really wanted to rep your latest pic post too... Bow chicka wow wow :smitten:


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 6, 2010)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> I'd argue you that are a bigger dick for getting involved in something that doesn't involve you at all. Anyway, this will be my last part regarding this whole thing. I have no problem with paquito so it's all good. Flame on all you want, it matters little to me.



This whole thing didn't involve you, either, and not only did you butt into it, you carried over an argument from a different and completely unrelated thread.


----------



## BigChaz (Jul 6, 2010)

Amandy said:


> Nope, we are not in equilibrium because I really really wanted to rep your latest pic post too... Bow chicka wow wow :smitten:



Well in that case, I will be more than happy to accept your admiration


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya (Jul 6, 2010)

has anyone tried the socks?


----------



## chicken legs (Jul 6, 2010)

I tried X..and effing loved the shit...

It makes you feel like Chaz's cat and Dave on a swing (but not like Dave eating a burger)..lol


----------



## fatkid420 (Jul 7, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Aww, somebody thinks he's a big shot by trying to be cute. I'd pat you on the back, but I'm too busy not raising threads from the dead. Now you go play along and try to avoid the threads from the '70s.



a big shot? does that even exist on the internet? 

why would i avoid the 70's? I happen to love hairy bush.


----------



## HDANGEL15 (Jul 7, 2010)

*chaz is that your cat?

i want mine to do fun stuff like that

is that your job? kitty trainer?*


----------



## BigChaz (Jul 7, 2010)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *chaz is that your cat?
> 
> i want mine to do fun stuff like that
> 
> is that your job? kitty trainer?*



I wish that was my cat because that cat is badass.


----------



## BLUEeyedBanshee (Jul 7, 2010)

I've gone through and cleaned up this mess some. Please refrain from further personal attacks etc. Please.

Thanks.

/mod


----------



## BigChaz (Jul 8, 2010)

Nobody took my bet on my posts getting deleted.


----------



## theronin23 (Jul 12, 2010)

I fucking love this board. This thread went from one argument that was kind of warranted from what I saw, to a bullshit pissing match. I lol'd. Hard. 

And then with Melian...fucking the wound...

*single tear* I'm just...so happy right now.

Popcorn anyone?


----------

