# Who Was The Biggest Impact on Your Road To Self Acceptance?



## largenlovely (Jun 20, 2007)

I thought it would be an interesting question..and positive message as well  to see who made the biggest impact on everyone during their road to self acceptance? 

I have to say mine would be the east coast girls. I had already been involved in the community for a while but I drove here to Atlanta to attend a bash and met Heather and some of the other now bigcuties. I'm not sure if i'll remember who all was with us but there were a buttload (quite literally lol) of fat girls ...Heather, AnnMarie, Deidre, Cat, Jerry Carmichael and myself (i hope i'm not forgetting anyone)...along with the men who were with us. We all went to a ChickFilet and when we walked in ALL eyes turned on us hehe.It was like everyone just stopped what they were doing to look at the herd of fat girls lol. Normally i would've been intimidated but to see the way these girls reacted to it was priceless. They took control and in no way were intimidated by these people and it was awesome. 

I have to say that Heather has probably been the biggest influence of all in my life though. I had never seen anyone make no excuses for being fat and EXPECT people to accept it. Living that example made a huge impact on how i viewed things and myself and i'm definitely greatful 

Now...come out with it folks...what's y'alls story


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 20, 2007)

I want to give credit to two people.... Myself and a counselor


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## FA to the Bone (Jun 20, 2007)

*I think that ANN´MARIE, BRIE and CAT started my FA-vocation...* :wubu:


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 20, 2007)

I can't really credit any one person. I spent some time lurking on Dims before i joined up, and everything I've read has had a gradual effect on my outlook. Or possibly there was some osmosis through my computer screen.


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## TheNowhereMan (Jun 20, 2007)

I give credit to the beautiful women in my life who are of larger than average sizes. Women like one of my best friends and of course my lovely girlfriend who has inspired me to shout from the roof tops of our love and say screw to the world I love my fat woman!


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## largenlovely (Jun 20, 2007)

aawww that was really sweet 



TheNowhereMan said:


> I give credit to the beautiful women in my life who are of larger than average sizes. Women like one of my best friends and of course my lovely girlfriend who has inspired me to shout from the roof tops of our love and say screw to the world I love my fat woman!


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## TheNowhereMan (Jun 20, 2007)

largenlovely said:


> aawww that was really sweet



i only speak truths


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## simon_squarepants (Jun 20, 2007)

The first BBW site I ever saw was the old catay house of fun... I tell you, my eyes nearly exploded when I saw her fat oozing round a pillow LOL

She was the first. The other would have to be... sorry I have to say it... kelligrl. I remember finding her site via the catay page, and spending some weeks thinking she's an attractive BBW, but wouldn't it be hot if she'd actually chosen to gain her way to that size. I think my eyes actually DID explode when I came across the before/after page lol.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 20, 2007)

largenlovely said:


> I thought it would be an interesting question..and positive message as well  to see who made the biggest impact on everyone during their road to self acceptance?



That would be my parents. They taught me to love and value myself, and that who I was as a person, my worthiness as a person wasn't dependant upon how I looked on the outside. It was about who I am on the inside and how I carry myself as a person. 

During my teenage years my dad and I really clashed, bitch was his favorite word to use towards me, but he NEVER put me down physically. Never said anything to make me feel physcially ugly. My mom is a big woman, I grew up watching my dad dote on her and take care of her. The occasional kiss and slap on the ass wasn't uncommon in my house either. Nor were the fat girl playboys that we'd find in the bathroom LOL. I guess if I grew up in a house where the dad berated the mom for being too fat or if I was forced to diet as a kid my story would be different though. 

I try to educate people about size acceptance whenever I see an opportunity present itself. For example, just the other day at work we had oversold flights all day which meant there would be no seats left empty. I had an older lady come up to me and ask me to change her seat. While I was explaining to her that there wasn't any other seat to move her to she interruped to tell me that she was sitting next to some man who just had to be 300 pounds (she said this with disgust in her voice. ya had to be there). I'm standing there thinking to myself, this lady must be nuts. She's complaining and making it sound like its the most disgusting thing in the world, about sitting next to some man that has to be 300 pounds, to a 300 pound woman! She keeps going and going and going when finally I just told her again that there were no other seats available and that if she wanted I would be more than happy to rebook her for a flight the following day. She didn't like that and said no I just want you to seat me next to someone normal! At that point I was pretty pissed off and in a raised voice I told her that I'm sure he's quite normal and that I felt sorry for him, for having to sit next to her. At this point one of my coworkers overheard and took over because my mouth often gets me into trouble. 

So I didn't do much educating with her but it opened a whole dialoge about size acceptance in the break room that day!


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## largenlovely (Jun 20, 2007)

that's awesome  In my initial post i was talking about people within the community but you're right..my dad did a wonderful job as well. My mother and grandmother were constantly preaching weight loss but my dad would always do the eyeroll thing and told me, "if people have a problem with your weight then it is THEIR problem not yours" ..i'll never forget that  



Ella Bella said:


> That would be my parents. They taught me to love and value myself, and that who I was as a person, my worthiness as a person wasn't dependant upon how I looked on the outside. It was about who I am on the inside and how I carry myself as a person.


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## stan_der_man (Jun 20, 2007)

I would say that NAAFA (FA SIG), Dimensions Magazine, the Big Difference dances (L.A. area) and my own self acceptance are what helped me realize that admiring fat people and being fat are perfectly acceptable and normal things.

Stan


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## ashmamma84 (Jun 20, 2007)

My parents and myself. They have never pressure me to be something I wasn't and I'm thankful for that. I was always told that I was beautiful, smart, worthy of unconditional love...I never felt like I was less than, and maybe that's why I think of myself in high regards --they set the standard. I watched my Mother, who is also fat, carry herself with such class and dignity and I watched my Father absolutely smitten with her. Loves her no matter what and I guess that sort of subliminal message of "this is how a person who really loves you" sunk deep into my core. 

So now, I carry that on. I am constantly working on myself...I don't believe the work is ever done, that I am ever growing, changing and maturing, for the better. 

I can say with certainty that every day, I fall a little more in love with myself and that's a great feeling. I'm getting to know this woman called Ash and I dig her, very much so.


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## HugKiss (Jun 20, 2007)

Susan Mason, she was an amazingly, talented woman. She opened my eyes to the "fat community" and I opened her eyes to self acceptance. 

I'm one of the lucky ones... I always knew there were men who liked fat woman, I just didn't know there was a community that shared what I was taught growing up. I AM equal in every way to my skinny sister! Thanks Mom and Dad.

A little later on it was NAAFA, FEast, Bill, Nancy, Conrad, Ruby and the whole Long Island and Brooklyn chapters of NAAFA. And then came Dimensions!!!! YAY!

Oh yeah and my first real FA boyfriend.. WOW! You know who you are. :batting:

HugKiss :kiss2:


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## Aurora (Jun 20, 2007)

I went through the journey of self-acceptance (and love) before finding the community online. That just reinforced it and made me feel welcome.


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## wrestlingguy (Jun 20, 2007)

Just like Ashmamma84, I thank my parents (especially my dad) and myself for being able to be honest with myself about what I wanted in a relationship & never compromising. Years ago, I received a lot of heat from my "friends" about my preference, but all the BS was worth it to end up with a beautiful girl like Carla.....I'd do it again in a heartbeat if it brought me to her.

Also (and she didn't know this until now) Hug Kiss (Kathie) who was the first BBW I ever saw online, and the fact she was such a hottie & lived in the same state as I did blew me away. Her beauty just reinforced how I felt about fat girls. I used to go to her personal page (can't even remember where it was now) all the time (no.....not to do what you think, you dirty little pervs) & show my buddies, always telling them how hot I thought she was. Kathie, I will always be grateful to you!


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## BigCutieAsshley (Jun 20, 2007)

*Phil has helped me with my self-acceptance journey. For as long back as I can remember (and until this day) my mom would tell me "you have a pretty face, you would be beautiful if you just lost weight". When I met Phil 6 years ago I was 100 pounds smaller, after having our son 4 1/2 ago I gained back every pound I had lost after my November 1999 WLS. The Carla from 6 years ago would have hated myself for putting the weight back on but thanks to Phil's love and support I am fine with my weight gain. I've learned to really enjoy every pound that graces my 5ft3 frame. 

Thank you honey for all of your love and support!*


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## largenlovely (Jun 21, 2007)

i repped ya for sweetness points and i'm gonna say it again ...aawww that was sweet lol



BigCutieAsshley said:


> *Phil has helped me with my self-acceptance journey. For as long back as I can remember (and until this day) my mom would tell me "you have a pretty face, you would be beautiful if you just lost weight". When I met Phil 6 years ago I was 100 pounds smaller, after having our son 4 1/2 ago I gained back every pound I had lost after my November 1999 WLS. The Carla from 6 years ago would have hated myself for putting the weight back on but thanks to Phil's love and support I am fine with my weight gain. I've learned to really enjoy every pound that graces my 5ft3 frame.
> 
> Thank you honey for all of your love and support!*


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## Tina (Jun 21, 2007)

Me. I don't tend to be a braggart, so this isn't bragging, it's just the truth.

After a lifetime of hating my body (a body which was sexy, though I couldn't see it at the time), and a lifetime of others giving me grief for being fat, at around 33 years of age I decided I was going to change the way I looked at myself. I set about to do it and I did. It wasn't without help, though. My ex, Conrad and Dimensions print mag, NAAFA, and then the people on this site all helped. Until I was ready to hear something other than the droning negative messages I gave myself on a daily basis, though, nothing sunk in. It all had to start with me.

Great thread, Melissa.


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## dragorat (Jun 21, 2007)

*I've always been on the big side.So I'd have to say my biggest influence on self-exceptance would have to be my Mom.She always taught me the only person who can make me be what I want to be is me.She said no matter what other people think YOU are the 1 who has to live with you the most so be happy with yourself.Other than Mom,I'd have to say Dims in general.I've met a lot of wonderful people on the boards & in chat who've helped me in my times of need & I hope that I've done the same.*


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## BeaBea (Jun 21, 2007)

I gained a lot of weight due to clinical depression following a bereavement. I went from a happy active size 22/24 to a size 36 plus and a combination of grief and depression left my self esteem at rock bottom. 

After a long time away I returned to the huge corporate offices where I worked and I was really struggling, both to be single and to be so large. One day I walked out into the huge car-park and found a bouquet of flowers and a card left on my car. It was from an FA (not that I understood the term at the time) who told me I was beautiful and asked if he could take me out. I assumed it was a joke and threw it into the back seat of my car in a huff. 

It took me days to reply to the email address and I was very guarded in my response but we chatted a little online and then I agree to meet him in the coffee shop in my place of work. We went out that night and had a great time - and we dated in a cloud of blissful happiness for quite a while. 

Eight and half years have gone by since then and I'm still grateful to him for SO much. He turned my life around and was one of the most profoundly positive influences I've ever been lucky enough to know. He showed me I was beautiful, worthy of respect and love and also (which shocked me at the time) lust! We're not in contact any more but I wish so much I could let him know how much difference that he made to my life. I still remember and treasure the time we shared and I honestly dont think I would still be here if he hadn't come into my life and helped me through. 

Babe, if you're out there and happen to be reading this I'd love to say a proper 'Thank You' from the bottom of my heart 

Tracey xx


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## gameguy (Jun 21, 2007)

I would have to say Conrad and Ruby. When I was a freshman in college twenty-some years ago, I ordered the FA-SIG newsletter, and got a really nice letter from Ruby that helped answer some questions. It was a huge help.


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## Butterbelly (Jun 21, 2007)

I definitely have to give credit to my first FA and to me. I cannot thank him enough for opening up the doors to showing me size-acceptance.


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 21, 2007)

I have to say it was me. I lived like a shame faced outcast for so long putting up with negative commentary from my parents and bowing to everybody like my presence on the planet was a complete inconvenience to everyone. Finally I got fed up, pushed myself away from the table and said, "Enough." Baby steps at first but I was determined. 

I must say though that the journey was a whole lot easier to make with folks like NAAFA, Brie Brown, Heather, BBW Magazine, Dimensions print mag - they made the transition infinitely easier than it would have been if I had to do it alone.


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## HugKiss (Jun 21, 2007)

wrestlingguy said:


> Also (and she didn't know this until now) Hug Kiss (Kathie) who was the first BBW I ever saw online, and the fact she was such a hottie & lived in the same state as I did blew me away. Her beauty just reinforced how I felt about fat girls. I used to go to her personal page (can't even remember where it was now) all the time (no.....not to do what you think, you dirty little pervs) & show my buddies, always telling them how hot I thought she was. Kathie, I will always be grateful to you!



**Blush* **

You little devil, I had NO idea, Phil. You have rendered me speechless!

HugKiss* :kiss2:


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## TallFatSue (Jun 21, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> I have to say it was me. I lived like a shame faced outcast for so long putting up with negative commentary from my parents and bowing to everybody like my presence on the planet was a complete inconvenience to everyone. Finally I got fed up, pushed myself away from the table and said, "Enough." Baby steps at first but I was determined.



Agreed. Even though they'd probably cringe to hear me say so, some of the biggest influences on my road to self-acceptance were the very people who gave me the hardest time about my size -- until it backfired. Talk about life giving me lemons -- and I made lemon meringue pie! :eat2:

In junior high school I hated beeing the big tall fat girl and I just moped around trying to hide, which was impossible at my size. The other kids call me cute names like Suzy Bigfoot or Whale Belly or The Girl Who Ate Toledo. Then in high school they picked on me one time too many and I snapped. I made a quick comeback to one of their taunts, and other kids laughed! Sayyyy, they're laughing WITH me, not AT me! This has potential. Well, I became the stereotypical big tall fat girl who made people laugh and soon I accumulated lotsa friends because they said it was fun to be around me. My new friendly wise ass persona began purely as a defense mechanism, but it worked amazingly well. Inside I was nervous as hell, but outwardly I pretended to be confident. After a year or so, my confidence was no longer an act and it became genuine because I saw how well it worked.  

My mother also helped me gain self-confidence -- in reverse. Mom was the Queen of Mixed Messages like "clean your plate but lose the weight" and direct messages like "you're way too fat to find a boyfriend so you'd better get good grades." Well, the more she harped about my size, the more I regarded my fat as a symbol of my independence in my rebellious youth. Damned if I ate and damned if I didn't, soooo -- I ate it all, and probably gained even more weight "just to show her." On the other hand, my father has always been very supportive, provided I'm happy and healthy and stay out of jail. 'Twas he who wised me up about my mother's ways when I was in high school. "Don't worry about your mother. She loves you, but she's not happy unless she can fuss over something. Ever notice that when we go out to dinner as a family, I make sure my collar is turned over and my tie is a little crooked? That's so she can fix it, and then she's happy for the rest of the evening." Aha, so that's it! If I weren't so fat, Mom would just find something else about me to criticize. I'm a head taller than my mother, and half a head taller than both my father and my brother, so I can only assume the reason I'm so big is my parents must have fed me Sputnik rocket fuel after I was born in 1957. When Art & I got married 25 yeas ago, it was funny to watch my mother, because her joy about her daughter's wedding conflicted with the fact that she was just plain wrong about my being too fat to find a great husband.  

Anyway I began to walk tall with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step, and the whole confidence thing just snowballed. In high school I also remember seeing one of those empowerment posters that said "If you act enthusiastic, you'll BE enthusiastic." The same goes for confidence. Looks like I kinda WILLED myself to be confident, by golly.


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## Russ2d (Jun 21, 2007)

> that's awesome In my initial post i was talking about people within the community but you're right..my dad did a wonderful job as well. My mother and grandmother were constantly preaching weight loss but my dad would always do the eyeroll thing and told me, "if people have a problem with your weight then it is THEIR problem not yours" ..i'll never forget that



That's awesome Melissa, your Dad's response was perfect.

I've always been a rather independent and feisty FA but Dimensions and specifically Heather, Ann Marie, and the "gang" have been important to me. Early on I encountered many situations, at work or out and about, where I would have the choice to keep my mouth shut and fit in or profess my love of fat women and then deal with the inevitable shock and sometimes outright disapproval. I would think of the "gang" and I'd speak up and then "duke" it out. I'm a totally hardened FA now and everyone who knows me knows it. I am the first, if opportunity arises of course, to defend fat women and FAs and denounce all the fat bashers, fat apologizers, and our obsessed and unnatural culture which produces so many self loathing women and girls all put in place just to make a damn buck.


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## BigCutieCindy (Jun 21, 2007)

Ultimately, I made the journey by myself. People can tell you that you are o.k. until they are blue in the face but if you are not ready to hear/accept it it won't mean a thing. For me, one day a light bulb just went off and I finally "got it" 

I probably wouldn't have started the journey though, if it wasn't for my ex-husband. He was instrumental to my reaching the level of self-acceptance, even self-love I enjoy today. He introduced me to Dimensions Online when we first got online, back in 1995 or 96. Dimensions Online helped me realize I was beautiful on the outside and even seen as desirable by others that were not my husband. I found the NAAFA website through Dimensions and reading through that website helped me realize that I was worthy of respect, just as much as anyone else was...that I didn't have to hate myself because I was fat...that fat wasn't the worst thing in the world to be. 

I am grateful for where I am today. Life is much better when you don't hate yourself.


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## bigsexy920 (Jun 21, 2007)

Great post I feel 100% the same. 

I want to rep you on this but I it won't let me .. I don't spread enough rep it seems. 

AND Yes Melissa this is a great thread.




Tina said:


> Me. I don't tend to be a braggart, so this isn't bragging, it's just the truth.
> 
> After a lifetime of hating my body (a body which was sexy, though I couldn't see it at the time), and a lifetime of others giving me grief for being fat, at around 33 years of age I decided I was going to change the way I looked at myself. I set about to do it and I did. It wasn't without help, though. My ex, Conrad and Dimensions print mag, NAAFA, and then the people on this site all helped. Until I was ready to hear something other than the droning negative messages I gave myself on a daily basis, though, nothing sunk in. It all had to start with me.
> 
> Great thread, Melissa.


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## Tina (Jun 21, 2007)

Thank you, Berna. :kiss2:
_
Thread moved to appropriate forum, and added to the list of important posts at the top of the board, because I think this is an important enough thread._


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## Lilbexter (Jun 21, 2007)

I think that dimensions has greatly improved my self esteem in all areas, from the way I feel about my body to how I interact with others. More than anything else, Dimensions has taught me that there is beauty in every facet of a person. Each and every one of you on this site have had endless genuine kind words to one another, and have shown nothing but love. It's safe to say that I'm on the path to loving myself because you've shown me how much easier it is than to hate. I'm still young, and I still have days where I wish I were different, but the one constant that remains is Dimensions and the support I can draw from all of you. So thanks, and I hope to use Dims as a source of srength for many years to come.


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## Dj Zulu (Jun 21, 2007)

largenlovely said:


> I thought it would be an interesting question..and positive message as well  to see who made the biggest impact on everyone during their road to self acceptance?



There are a three, actually one based on sex the other based on the movement/community. The first one would probably be Candye Kane because when I read my first Buf magazine I was stationed in Korea and it was at the newstand at our local PX. I bought 3 copys, one for reading....and I was amazed at the fat girls in it, in the flesh sexy and exciting. That would be in late 1986 early 1987l

The second would be a friend of mine named Pam who now lives in Oregon who I met in June, 1992 and was my first fat date relationship. It was Pam who showed me Dimensions for the first time as well as the BBW date lines, 900 numbers and outlets for BBW dances and it changed me life. At the time I was interning up in Nashville and she lived in Castro Valley.

The third would be Yohannon who is a like or hate type of guy. After I started attending events, I discovered his "fat_sex" newsgroup that turned into a mailing list. I believe now it's no longer a mailing list but between 1995 until about 2000, that was a great resource to meet fat people from all walks of life interested in exploring their sexual horizons.

The three of them helped me in a discovery that I am fat and sexy and there is nothing wrong with my desire for fat girls and thinking they are sexy.

Those were the days!


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## liz (di-va) (Jun 21, 2007)

For me it was a very conscious decision and a struggle, nobody wanted me to go there. HOWEVER, these were/are my bestest tools, the greatest people, and what do you want to bet I'm forgettin stuff anyhow. This is kind of a long answer, but what an interestin/complicated question and thinkin about it makes me feel very lucky:

- For many years, the regular arrival of _Radiance_ magazine in my mailbox.

- A crucial character in Armistead Maupin's _Significant Others. _Other bits and pieces of the world of BBWs/FAs in the media that I hung onto like lifelines, like some staging in a production of _Barber of Seville_, and one of Camryn's appearances on Conan....things like that. Bits and snatches of things.

- Therapy for eating problems that encompassed both peaceful eating and complete body acceptance...BOTH. Not either/or, or one at the expense of the other. Complete, boundary-less, all-around acceptance. I've got this rock-solid core in me somewhere now because of that. I'm not saying it doesn't disappear sometimes in the mist, but it's always there.

- A friend--my best friend--handing me _Fat Is a Feminist Issue_ in college.

- Three/four integral friends, the fat girl mafia. One of whom I met when she organized a fat women's health symposium here, one of whom I met on the old _Fat!So?_ boards, and two of whom I met at _Dimensions_. The second woman I ended up doing a fat-oriented zine with and the third has been my compatriot as we busted through all sorts of fat girl stuff together, my best fat girl cheerleader. I'd rather go shopping with her than anybody in the world, bar none, and this is a very serious thing.

- _Dimensions_. The people I've met here! Years chattin & hangin out in other ways. Sort of amazing. All the struggles, encouragement and support I've experienced here. The confluence of so many people!

- Doing a zine in which I took on body issues as I felt like it.

- That nice electrician? stereo-installer? who asked me to dance at my very first awkward BBW dance in Fort Wayne, Indiana, sometime in the late 90s. I have no idea who he was and god was I miserable. Think I lasted 45 minutes at the whole event. But it was a start.

- Fat porn! It helped me believe!

- In retrospect...my aunt Kathleen. Who died far too young, but was the one person I knew who provided any image of being big and beautiful in my youth, not that anybody in my family saw it, including me, even though I was more okay than anybody at the time (not all the way, though...too sunk in my own misery). She was tall and big and had a gorgeous smile, a great chic sense of style, way ahead of her time, and was on her way to learning to accept herself when she died.

- My friend Kim, even with head-bumpin and differences.

- Deirdrababe.  There is something about her spirit and zest I find very inspiring in recent years.

- One crucial friendship/relationship with a man that sadly blew up but while it lasted knitted together my different worlds as a fat girl better than anybody else. Very validatin'.

ETA: Candye Kane! Totally  (above post). How could I forget.


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## T_Devil (Jun 21, 2007)

How I came to accept my own size. That's a good question. There are a lot of answers, but from the unlikeliest of sources.

Diet Gurus like Richard Simmons and Susan Powter probably had the most notable effect. "_*HOW?*_" Is probably what your asking yourselves. That's easy. Those people are so upbeat, so lively, so full of energy, and so freaking ANNOYING! I accepted my size because because I knew that they were lying to me. 

I had been fat ever since I started Grade School. Before that, I was a runt. I gained a lot of weight and had to deal with asshole kids every single day in school, and a mean Older Sister when I got home. As you can imagine, that screwed me up just a little bit.

Then I see _Richard_ with his leg warmers and _Susan_ with her bold baldness, talking about how their weight made them unhappy. All I could think while listening to those idiots blather on is "My fat doesn't make me unhappy... PEOPLE make me unhappy!". After that, It was like knowing how the magic trick is done. All you see is the trick, none of the magic.

I saw how they would manipulate people by making them dig up their most horrible fat memories and make them cry. Well no shit Sherlock! If you made people dig down deep about their worst dog bite memory and got them to cry about it, it would be mighty easy to talk them out of getting a puppy. I saw the reverse psyschology at work there and I found myself getting angry, but not at them oddly enough.

No, I accepted the fact that these people were only interested in selling some kind of goofy workout video or fly by night diet plan. I saw them as liars and deceivers out to make a buck through shame and humiliation. I accepted that because that was the American way. People sold shit to get rich.

I was getting angry at the people that were buying into that bullshit though. WHY? There was nothing wrong with them. They were fat, big freakin' deal! It wasn't like they were a burn victim or had a Siamese Twin growing outta their face. All they were was fat, just like me.

By this whole time I had grown quite a shell to people. This was after I accepted responsibility for my own actions and started getting into more than a couple peoples faces that teased me. I only did that out of rage though. I was watching these people weeping about how people would torment them and I was like...."So? Get in their F'n face! What's wrong with you?"

I think it was that anger and resentment that had been seeded long ago was beginning to hit a growth spurt. I'd joke with other fat kids about my size. I wasn't afraid to make fun of myself, I've had worse said about me. I'd tell them that the only people that could let words hurt them was them. I'd tell them to use their sadness and their anger to confront their fear. Some did, Some didn't. I couldn't tell you how either turned out.

All I know is that once I realized that what they were trying to sell me were (by my own observation) lies, I adopted a way of thinking that took responsibility for all the things my extra weight did, but also took stock in the things it did not do. My weight made me heavier. If I ran, I had to push myself harder. If my feet, ankles or knees hurt, I'd shut up and deal with the pain because my hatred and loathing of insensitive teachers, principals and coaches drove me into silence. I didn't want to hear how I wasn't trying or as my middle school gym teacher Mr. Warzack so eloquently put it "Screw up a free lunch".

What my weight did NOT do was make me any more or any less likeable. It did not make me any more or less of a gentle soul, or an insipid pain in the ass. I controlled that. I controlled the negativity fed to me by other people. I could use that energy to break me down, or build myself up. I chose the latter because if I let them break me, I would have most certainly ended up dead by my own hand.

So I don't really have any positive role models that helped me accept myself, Save for my mom who was always there to guide me before my epiphany. If anything, I serve as an example of how negative energy like rage, sadness and loathing can be put towards a positive means. It's not easy and I don't recommend it. The only reason why I made it was because I knew what I DIDN'T want to be.

I didn't want to be some victim crying to Richard Simmons about how bad my life sucked, and beg him to fix me. I'm fat and I'm fine. Ask my Doctor, he'll tell you that. Susan Powter told us to "Stop the insanity".... _bitch, insanity kept me alive._


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## AnnMarie (Jun 21, 2007)

First a thank you to anyone who mentioned my name... very flattering and happy that I made any momentary dent in your life. 

My journey had a bunch of stops, so I'm not sure if I can name one thing over another... I feel like without the first little ones, I may never have found more - you know?

BBW Magazine - found it, devoured the ads in the back that were about all sorts of different size-related things (books, shirts, etc). 

Ken Mayer: Eh, keeping my "I was a young, impressionable fat girl searching for answers" opinions to myself.... his book was like reading something about another world. A guy who would go SEARCHING for a big girl in bars? And LEAVE if he didn't find them?? Someone was out there looking that hard for someone like me? I was blown away. Wrote him a letter, he called me... fast forward.

Ended up on a talk show in about 93, met Heather. Over the next few years I met her a few times in brief encounters, but around 97 we became friends and started up HB and it was on from there. I was already on my journey, but she gave me the key to the door... to just let the whole thing really start gaining momentum. Very great. She allowed me to just let the flood gates open and become who I wanted to be, but didn't know how. 

And all around the same time, in 97ish: 

Found out about Dimensions magazine from Heather - finally figured it all out (subscribed and got online) in around 97... and then Dimensions became a huge part of my life. 

NAAFA convention... first time I'd ever been around so many fat people, it was unreal... like being in an alternate universe where everyone "got it". Stunning.

My personal site. It's not a person, but it was my own "self" project, my measure of my growth and acceptance, my history of my journey to be "me" - not only inside but outside. Using that as my tool was probably my most successful endeavor on my path. 

So, all of those things happened because of the one that came before it... I'd like to say one would be more, or caused more change, but if the first hadn't set things in motion, then I'm not sure my path would have been the same... maybe never even traveled.

It's been a long road, but well worth every single step.


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## butch (Jun 21, 2007)

Hey AnnMarie,

I've always wondered how you all decided on the name "Heavenly Bodies." I think it's a great name, btw, and was curious as to how it came to be.

I remember you and Heather and Cat and Lilly from back when I lurked in the late 90's here, and am grateful to see ya'll are still around, encouraging us to love our fat bodies.


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## Sandie S-R (Jun 21, 2007)

Like some others here, I think I was ready to hear the fat acceptance message when it dropped onto my TV.  In the 1980's I had seen Ruby and Conrad on TV, joined NAAFA, went to a NAAFA convention, met Conrad there, started to talk to Ruby on the phone, then went to visit them in Albany, New York, was a cover model on the hard copy of Dimensions Magazine. And the rest is history. They also introduced me to Guy, and if it weren't for Ruby pushing us together (in her sweet way) I don't think we would have made it. So, actually I (Guy and I) owe a lot to Ruby and Conrad.


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## CeCe the Porky Princess! (Jun 21, 2007)

BeaBea said:


> I gained a lot of weight due to clinical depression following a bereavement. I went from a happy active size 22/24 to a size 36 plus and a combination of grief and depression left my self esteem at rock bottom.
> 
> After a long time away I returned to the huge corporate offices where I worked and I was really struggling, both to be single and to be so large. One day I walked out into the huge car-park and found a bouquet of flowers and a card left on my car. It was from an FA (not that I understood the term at the time) who told me I was beautiful and asked if he could take me out. I assumed it was a joke and threw it into the back seat of my car in a huff.
> 
> ...



...you bugger, that made me cry. Tracey, YOU are a tremendous role model for us plumptious chicks.


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## CeCe the Porky Princess! (Jun 21, 2007)

Mr Philip Carrington :wubu:


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## largenlovely (Jun 21, 2007)

I have to correct myself...it wasn't chickfilet...it was some other restaurant...god what was it ...a steak and shake maybe? ...gah my memory is getting terrible lol...not that it matters what restaurant we went into but i just have to correct myself lol


largenlovely said:


> We all went to a ChickFilet and when we walked in ALL eyes turned on us hehe.


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## largenlovely (Jun 21, 2007)

these are all such beautiful answers  it's really touching to hear the individual stories


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## Big Beautiful Dreamer (Jun 21, 2007)

Sad to say, I'm still not at 100 percent acceptance. I tell myself I am, but I'm a skeptical chick sometimes and still need some convincing. I'm not completely buying my arguments.
Interestingly, the closest I've come to a breakthrough was when I turned 39, last year (not this year when I turned 40. I'm anticipatory, 'k?)....
I realized that I had a husband of 14 years who loved me AS I WAS, inelegant early morning nose-blowing, fat bod, blanket hogging and all. And I realized that for 26 years (I remember the EXACT moment I first looked at my body and hated it) I've been feeling guilty about every bite I've put in my mouth. 
It dawned on me with horrifying clarity that this was ridiculous and I decided that I would stay active, eat reasonably sensibly, and love myself. Most days I hit two outta three, and they shuffle, as on a CD player.

But acceptance, full acceptance? I don't really know if I'm there.


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## AnnMarie (Jun 21, 2007)

largenlovely said:


> I have to correct myself...it wasn't chickfilet...it was some other restaurant...god what was it ...a steak and shake maybe? ...gah my memory is getting terrible lol...not that it matters what restaurant we went into but i just have to correct myself lol



LOL... yeah, it was Steak and Shake.  First/only one I've ever been in.


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## largenlovely (Jun 21, 2007)

I'm sure we all made quite an impression on that particular steak and shake 

i'll never forget you waving to all the people who had stopped to stare hahahha ...that was so funny (i can remember details like this but it takes a concentrated effort to remember what restaurant we all went to ...sheesh lol)



AnnMarie said:


> LOL... yeah, it was Steak and Shake.  First/only one I've ever been in.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jun 22, 2007)

He was one of thr first people I met in NJ NAAFA. We became really good friends - he helped me love myself. He was an amazing human being. I still miss him. *sigh*


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## pani (Jun 22, 2007)

I honestly think I must have lived several lives in fat worshiping cultures. I was chubby as a kid and ALWAYS secretly loved my body. I remember overhearing someone talk about how one of their friends should be on a diet. I immediately hated the woman, went downstairs in a rage to a swivel rocking chair, started turning furiously and thinking that I wanted to be SOOOO fat when I grew up. I got such a rush out of that thought; in fact I had my first sexual feelings at the thought of growing extremely fat in rebellion against stupidity. I must have also been extremely arrogant in my previous life because even as a kid of around 7, refusing to diet was a matter of pride for me. Why should I sacrifice for other people's approval? What were they doing to seek mine??? Unfortunately, in high school, I did fall into the diet trap in So Ca. But as soon as I started reading books like Millman's Such A Pretty Face, in college, I started to resist again. Certainly having SA boards, and all those brave pioneers helped as well. I am lucky to be extremely introverted and need a high amount of solitude. For me, doing something against my principles and true self makes me feel 100% more miserable than going along with the crowd. It is as if I don't really have a choice. I just love my fat too much to care what others think!


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 22, 2007)

I can't say who really... It was a combination of me, and places similar to this. If I had to name names, it would take me awhile.  
I'm still not perfect, but I think we all can improve over time.


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## EtobicokeFA (Jun 23, 2007)

I would say my parents and this site!


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## Theatrmuse/Kara (Jun 23, 2007)

I would have to say all those beautiful fat folk in NAAFA. I have been involved for over 25 years and have met too many wonderful role models to mention. Also, Conrad and his ever steadfast work with Dimensions and earlier in NAAFA.

As far as a performer and accepting my own fat skin and encouraging me to step into the spotlight on stage and in life.........the fat actress Pat Carroll...yeppers, the scary Ursula in "The Little Mermaid". We worked together at TheatreIV in Richmond with "Nunsense" and "Hope and Glory". I was in the theatre education/management and she encouraged me to audition locally and regionally. I am forever grateful for her positive advice about my passion.
Hugs, Kara


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## Chimpi (Jun 24, 2007)

To this day, AnnMarie finds so many ways to show how incredibly accepting and self-developed she has become throughout her years. It's very peculiar for me to learn through her opinions and viewpoints, but I admire her and appreciate her for so many things she possesses (within). I absolutely respect someone that can proclaim that everyone has the right to not be ashamed of who they are, what they like, and what they don't like. More specifically, when people start to apologize for things or ideas that they like, she usually finds it in herself to come in and saying something like "Never be ashamed or afraid to admit and love what you like", or something to that affect.
It's her every day attitude on the simple things and those matters that really leave a remarkable dent in how I see things, and appreciate the things that I appreciate.

So, since you asked, AnnMarie was, and continues to be, the biggest impact on my road to self acceptance. And it's a very comforting, and overwhelming feeling, it is.


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## Lady at Large (Jun 24, 2007)

I am still baby stepping along the road, but I am moving forward a bit each day. 

So far coming here has made a difference and AnnMarie and Tracey in particular for their very eloquent ways with words. 

I am so hopeful that there will come a time when I will look in the mirror and do that creepy pistol fingers move and think I am TEH HAWT!


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## saturdayasusual (Jun 24, 2007)

I would have to say, for me, it has been everyone here at Dimensions during the last year. It's become a sort of second home on the 'net for me. I've had a love/hate relationship with it at times, but I still find myself back here every day. I feel like I'm still on the road to total self acceptance, but I've come so far since I started. All of the women who post with confidence show me that I can be like that too, and it gives me something to work towards. Everyone who posts with their insecurities and things like that show me that I'm not alone and there are others out there feeling exactly the same way I do. It helps me remember where I've been. All (okay... most) of the FAs aren't ashamed to say they love fat women, and they say it a lot. It's not _all_ about having people lust after you, but it's nice to feel desired and wanted sometimes, and not as if everyone is looking for the nearest exit.

Of all of the people on here who have positively affected my self acceptance, the one person whose support means the most to me is my boyfriend, Aris. I always kind of had an idea that there were guys out there that would like me the way I was, but during the last year he has proved it to me. He's not only told me and shown me that I'm beautiful just the way I am, he's made me see it for myself. That has been a very difficult, but important step for me to take. :wubu:


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## BigCutieSasha (Jun 24, 2007)

When I was a freshman in high school i saw a plus size model name Emme. She was confident, beautiful and in the public eye for being "big". I put pictures of her on my binder for school and was proud to be one as well. I even remember talking to another Dims member in math class my sophomore year of high school about "plus size power". I did a little modeling back then and she was my inspiration.


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## merseylass (Jun 24, 2007)

I'm still journeying on the road to total self-acceptance....some days I'm great...and some....well, you know!! 

For me, reading "Fat is a Feminist Issue" and attending a group in Canada (Large as Life) put me on the road to SA, really working hard at dismissing the negative comments from family, drs., teachers etc. was the hardest thing to overcome! All the negative stuff out there does get to you....one of my best victories was when I was in a queue in our local chippy when a young pre-school lad (known to me as the son of one of our customers) said to me directly...and in "that tone!!"....."you're fat"....and I replied...."Yep, I am!" It was one of those kind of light-bulb moments when the penny dropped. I had just stated the obvious and felt no shame or even the slightest apology. I got a few stares from people also in the same queue....but it felt sooooo good to say those words and live to tell the tale iyswim.

I've got a way to go....I won't wear tight-fitting clothing, I don't feel able to "strut my body" in public, but it's a big step not to feel I have to apologize for taking up space on the planet!

And of course, Dims is a very encouraging site and the discussion boards (I haven't moved into any of the chat as yet  ...that's yet to come)...is a great help too...so thanks to you all for your honest sharing.

Jacquie


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## JMCGB (Jun 24, 2007)

I pretty much owe mine to this wonderful community right here. I have been around here regularly since 98-99. Dont know what I would have done without this place.


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## MMcC (Jun 24, 2007)

It wasn't so much a who as a what and where.

I had always been maligned by the family as "fat" and therefore "less." But I was a smart, nerdy kid and graduated high school early (at 15), went to college the following fall, and blended in with other college students pretty seamlessly. I doubt most of them knew I was underage, and couldn't even drive til the spring semester of my first year.

Went away to graduate school in the UK after completing my BA in 3 years. I was only 18, but very world wise by that time. Being completely isolated from my family (who are not terrible people, just prejudiced fat hating people) was the ticket. Prior to those early days of freedom I NEVER would have considered that men (or women) were looking at me as an equal in a thin-obsessed society.

I had nobody telling me what (or not) to eat. Nobody telling me I'd be pretty, IF. Nobody telling me I was less. I had lovers. I learned things. I discovered there was nothing on earth to be scared of because I was round rather than rectangular.


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## AnnMarie (Jun 24, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> *snipped*
> 
> So, since you asked, AnnMarie was, and continues to be, the biggest impact on my road to self acceptance. And it's a very comforting, and overwhelming feeling, it is.





Lady at Large said:


> So far coming here has made a difference and AnnMarie and Tracey in particular for their very eloquent ways with words.
> 
> *snipped*




Wow, thank you both very much. I don't really know what to say other than that, but I really appreciate the nice words. 

Chimpi, you're a great guy... I appreciate the work you're doing to feel better with you... it's just one of those things, it takes as long as it takes. 


And LaL... you ARE teh hawt!


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## SwtBrandy (Jun 27, 2007)

largenlovely said:


> I thought it would be an interesting question..and positive message as well  to see who made the biggest impact on everyone during their road to self acceptance?
> 
> I have to say mine would be the east coast girls. I had already been involved in the community for a while but I drove here to Atlanta to attend a bash and met Heather and some of the other now bigcuties. I'm not sure if i'll remember who all was with us but there were a buttload (quite literally lol) of fat girls ...Heather, AnnMarie, Deidre, Cat, Jerry Carmichael and myself (i hope i'm not forgetting anyone)...along with the men who were with us. We all went to a ChickFilet and when we walked in ALL eyes turned on us hehe.It was like everyone just stopped what they were doing to look at the herd of fat girls lol. Normally i would've been intimidated but to see the way these girls reacted to it was priceless. They took control and in no way were intimidated by these people and it was awesome.
> 
> ...



well i am very new to the BBW world and if it wasnt for LargenLovely I dont know where i would be today, she def showed me how to be myself.She tought me that i could be big and beautiful and that there were tons of people out there that love me for me...for this i could never thank her enough. 

View attachment Goofy110-2006.JPG


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## Cat (Jul 6, 2007)

I just found this thread through the "important threads" thread. All sorts of goodness in that thread. 

Thanks to those of you who mentioned me although I do worry about simon_squarepant's "old catay house of fun". Am I old or is my site old? hehehe. In any event, I'm honored! 

Steak & Shake, Melissa, good times. There's nothing like a huge bunch of fat girls to make all eyes turn.


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## mimosa (Jul 7, 2007)

I am still struggling with self acceptance. This is all new to me. I just found out a few months ago that people actually liked big women. There is no one in my life at the moment that believes being a fat girl is okay. In public, I act like everything is okay. Like I am the prettiest woman in the room. Even if I know I am not. 
But I have to say that Mo'nique is my only inspiration. She makes me believe that there is hope for me. I am thankful for all of you also. Have a nice day everyone.


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## Tina (Jul 8, 2007)

Mimosa, why not take a look here, under the "Size/Fat Acceptance and related personal growth" heading?

I also recommend reading all of the fat-positive books and magazines you can find, and look at fat art. There's a lot of beauty out there, but you have to be open to putting aside society's messages about fat and seeing that beauty as such. When you do, it is easier to see it in yourself. I really wish Dimensions print mag, and another a favorite of mine, Radiance Magazine, were still in print. I've saved my back issues of both, and still refuse to throw them out. I still have some extras of the issues that I was in and have no idea what to do with them. :blink: Anyway, looking at one's fat self through the warped mirror of a brainwashed society will never help a fat person to see herself as worthwhile or beautiful. There are far better 'mirrors' out there.  The best to you.


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## Russell Williams (Jul 8, 2007)

At one convention I remember a woman telling me that three days at a NAAFA convention had done more for her self-acceptance than three years of psychotherapy.

Yours truly,

Russell Williams


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## Toil Girl Angel (Jul 9, 2007)

My journey began around 1999 when a guy told me there was this group of big girls that had a get together every week at this bar around the corner from my house. He said I would be perfect for them. At this point in my life I had divorced a few years earlier from a man that used to call me "fat bitch" when he was mad at me, and I was so naive (I had married at 19) that I never even knew there were men out there that actually liked bigger women! Well I walked into that bar that night and as soon as I walked in I was surrounded by all these big girls welcoming me and asking me my name. They turned out to be the girls of BBWLive and almost immediately I was asked to sign a waiver so they could start taking my picture. From that moment on I was a BBWLive girl. Mind you, I had never even owned a computer at this point so I didn't even know what they were, I just knew I liked how open and free they were with their sexuality as larger women and they quickly brought that out in me. I was in Big Butt magazine with them and modeled with them for 2 to 3 years, and was also in Plumpers (Nov. 02, if anyone has it PLEASE let me know because I still have never seen it to this day even thought I was paid for it!). Eventually I had my own website for a while but being with BBWLive is really what brought me out of my shell and gave me the confidence that I have today!


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## willamena31 (Aug 20, 2007)

I guess I'm still on the "road" somewhat. My husband has been my biggest influence. I knew that there were men out there who found big women attractive, and I've had a few boyfriends in the past before I met him, but he is the first one to actually really make me feel good about myself. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am. Not just my face, my body. All my "volumptiousity" as he calls it (not sure of the spelling though lol) 

I still have farther to go to be as confident as a lot of the wome here are though. I do love myself, but sometimes I still care what others think of me. That's another thing my hubby is trying to get me to understand, that I shouldn't care what anyone thinks of me, as long as I'm comfortable with me. I'm getting there. 

One of the big steps for me was believe it or not actually wearing shirts that "fit" me and that don't cover up all of my belly (the apron as some call it) and tank tops that show my upper arms. These were things I would never have done until I met Jerry. He gave me the confidence I needed and helped me to see that I'm beautiful and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Anyway, I've only been here a short time, but I have to say that I thank God that I found this place. The longer I'm here the more confident I become. And Jerry has noticed that and he loves it so much!! So I guess you can say that Dimensions has been my second biggest influence!! Sorry if it sounds like I'm going around in circles here or something. LOL It's almost 2 in the morning and I'm getting tired. LOL 

Hugggsss!!
Billie Jo


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## Tina (Aug 20, 2007)

Billie Jo, have you found that when you started wearing things that actually fit that you looked more true to size? I found that wearing those over-large cover-up things made me look bigger than I actually was.

Good for you for continuing on the path to further loving and accepting yourself and your fat, as is. It's amazing how much better one's outlook is that way.


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## willamena31 (Aug 20, 2007)

Tina said:


> Billie Jo, have you found that when you started wearing things that actually fit that you looked more true to size? I found that wearing those over-large cover-up things made me look bigger than I actually was.
> 
> Good for you for continuing on the path to further loving and accepting yourself and your fat, as is. It's amazing how much better one's outlook is that way.



Hi Tina sorry, I went to bed after writing in here so I didn't see this till now. And yes you are right about looking more true to size in the clothes I wear now. I notice that in the pictures I've seen of myself before and now. I just was always thinking that if it was big enough to cover up all my fat then I would look better, but boy was I wrong!!! LOL

Thanks for your encouragement. It's so good to find a place like this. I just wish I had people closer to where I live that had this same attitude to hang out with and do things with. I know that would boost my confidence even more.

Hugggsss!!
Billie Jo


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## Tina (Aug 20, 2007)

Billie Jo, you might find that as you become more aware that you pick up on people who feel the same. It's like getting a new VW Beetle and then you start noticing VW Beetles all over, just for example. Shifting our focus brings different things into view. Granted, society just doesn't want us to feel good about ourselves at our present size (whatever that may be), so it's not always easy. 

I was at my sister's house for my nephew's 17th birthday yesterday. While he and his friends were outside skateboarding (he's totally into it and they have ramps in the back yard), one of the boy's mom and I started talking. I am passionate about this subject because it's so personal to me, and when we started discussing it, she started almost being apologetic that she's gained weight etc. I told her not to apologize or feel bad, that she has nothing to feel bad for, that it is the fault of businesses who want to make money at the expense of our very self-esteems, and wallets, of course, and the discussion took off. 

She and I may never meet again, and while I do not believe in being obnoxious, I do believe in having the discussion whenever the time seems right, because that is often how awareness is spread: one person at a time. Can't tell you how many times I've done it, and I believe some minds have changed, or at least I planted a seed. In that sense, it's kind of my mission in life to be Juana Appleseed.


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## Miss Vickie (Aug 20, 2007)

Speaking of Tina.....

You, dear heart, are the biggest influence and made the most headway in helping me with self, and size, acceptance. You are awesome. :wubu: :wubu:


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## sunnie1653 (Aug 20, 2007)

I would have to say my best friend, Amanda was the one that made me realize that just because I'm fat doesn't mean I'm ugly.

I used to be one of "those" fat girls that talked about their fat like it was a severe detriment to their lives.

She would constantly tell me that I'm pretty, beautiful, that any guy in the world would love me no matter what, etc etc.. I believed that she felt that way, and I believed that there were people out there that "accepted" fat. 

I would have to say, though that its a majority of the ladies on this board that kind of pushed me over the "size/self acceptance" ledge and made me realize that being fat really isn't all that suck-tacular.  

Everyone here just rocks.  *hugs*
Melina


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## Tina (Aug 20, 2007)

Miss Vickie said:


> Speaking of Tina.....
> 
> You, dear heart, are the biggest influence and made the most headway in helping me with self, and size, acceptance. You are awesome. :wubu: :wubu:



Seriously??? Wow. Vick, that means so much to me, dear. What a compliment! Thank you!


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## Tracyarts (Aug 21, 2007)

A friend of mine, who is also supersized. 

I had a VERY hard time with self acceptance due to some serious health and mobility problems that my size was causing me. For years I felt that the only way to "accept" myself was to just resign myself to the way things were, and make the best of my life, given the limitations my size imposed on it. 

My friend asked me why I was willing to live a half-life. Why was I letting my younger years slip away from me because I was too sick and immobile to get out there and participate in the world. I said well because I am trying to "accept" myself.

She said there is nothing noble, heroic, or particuarly impressive about accepting a diminished life without trying to make it better. That is *resignation* not *acceptance*. That you can still love and accept yourself while making the necessary changes to have a better life. 

Wiser words have never been spoken. 
Tracy


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## lipmixgirl (Aug 21, 2007)

i'd have to say that it was not "who was the biggest impact on my road to self-acceptance", so much as who was my biggest impact on my road to not "protecting the public"...

i was raised in a large household. both sides of my family were big - i came from weighty stock...

growing up, i learned that it wasn't my body that was bad, but it was a matter of "dressing appropriately" so that the public would be less inclined to "make fun"

therefore, my biggest impact is the one - the only - HEATHER.... who taught me that there are plenty of people amongst the public that love my fluff... and that showing a little arm or running around in a bikini was most definitely good for the soul... 

as heather most recently said to me, my running around looking cute and just being seen by some big girl, who may be down on herself, may just look to me for anonymous inspiration...

and for sharing her inimitable pearls of wisdom, i say thank you - from the bottom of my heart... 

the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:


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## SilkyAngela (Aug 21, 2007)

I credit my husband with changing my perception about the beauty of my size and really setting the woman hiding in the shadows free. But there were at least 85-100 teenage delinquent girls who helped me learn my inner value and that puts issues of appearance in true perspective. I have to give an estimate number simply because I worked closely with so many that I can't remember them all now.

I was a corrections officer in a residential youth center for an all female population of youth offenders for several years. Their charges ranged from attempted murder, conspiracy, drug charges, assault, armed robbery, you name it. The state of Kentucky does not refer to what they do as "youth corrections," they call their program "treatment" because they offer help in all areas -not just the crimes they committed that landed them in lock up. The treatment focused on family issues, drug rehab, education, behavior modification, reality therapy, group therapy, work ethic, I could go on and on. Most of the girls who were in the state's custody for their crimes, had been part of the system at some point before because of neglect or abuse in their families. Most came in feeling like caged animals but left the facility having taken control over their own lives and issues. I watched so many of those girls set goals for themselves and reach them for the first time in their lives. 

Watching their esteem grow, I applied some of the same principles I was paid to teach them to my own life. So as they learned and grew, I was learning and growing with them and could work the treatment at their side....thus earning their trust and respect. Some of those girls shared their life story with me and I had access to their files to learn their history. Until then I never realized just how hard some children in our society have it. Where some people use those negatives from their past as an excuse for how they behave, our girls learned how to accept responsibility for their actions and make better choices in the future. Each of them in their own way, taught me that I can overcome any obstacle that stands in my way and nothing about me is a stumbling block unless I let it be. 

Just a side note....When each girl completed the program and was about to be released back into the community, her group mates held her one last goodbye group session where each resident could give the graduate her praises and concerns and say goodbye. My group had one for me the day before I left and I can't even look at their letters without feeling uplifted and hopeful about myself and my future. I can only hope that my time with them helped them even a measure of how much they helped me.

The first step in having a blessed life is being THANKFUL for what you have been given.


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## Tina (Aug 21, 2007)

What a wonderful program, Angela. I wonder what the recidivism rates are for places like that compared to the usual 'junior jail.'

It sounds like you all had the experience of a lifetime.


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## Vanessa (Aug 21, 2007)

To answer the question. Myself but also because acceptance is like an addiction (it's easy to fall off the wagon so to speak and really despise yourself again for being what you are) I'd like to think my fans have given me their support and that keeps me accepting myself. If that makes sense?  V x


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## Vanessa (Aug 21, 2007)

Tracyarts said:


> She said there is nothing noble, heroic, or particuarly impressive about accepting a diminished life without trying to make it better. That is *resignation* not *acceptance*. That you can still love and accept yourself while making the necessary changes to have a better life.
> 
> Wiser words have never been spoken.
> Tracy



I totally agree. Very much so. V x


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 21, 2007)

Miss Vickie said:


> Speaking of Tina.....
> 
> You, dear heart, are the biggest influence and made the most headway in helping me with self, and size, acceptance. You are awesome. :wubu: :wubu:



Ditto ditto ditto dittodittodittodittodittoditto ....

I stumbled into another size acceptance forum shortly after having WLS ... which is, I admit, a rather bizarre time to be looking for it. When I met you 3 years ago, I was immediately drawn to your warmth, sense of humor, capacity for understanding, and your gift for speaking exactly what is on your mind in a very genuine & diplomatic way. You have definitely helped me on my own path to self-acceptance, Tina.

And Vick? Ditto to YOU, as well.


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## HeatherBBW (Aug 21, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> LOL... yeah, it was Steak and Shake.  First/only one I've ever been in.



Nooo we wen't to Chic-Fil-A too... I remember taking pictures outside and taking home a lil stuffed cow that said something like "eat more chicken".


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## AnnMarie (Aug 21, 2007)

HeatherBBW said:


> Nooo we wen't to Chic-Fil-A too... I remember taking pictures outside and taking home a lil stuffed cow that said something like "eat more chicken".



Yeah, but that was the next day... during the day. She's talking about when we went later at night, it was dark out, and she was wearing the smallest plaid skirt in the world.


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## HeatherBBW (Aug 21, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> Yeah, but that was the next day... during the day. She's talking about when we went later at night, it was dark out, and she was wearing the smallest plaid skirt in the world.




Right, right. I suck  you win!


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## Tina (Aug 22, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Ditto ditto ditto dittodittodittodittodittoditto ....
> 
> I stumbled into another size acceptance forum shortly after having WLS ... which is, I admit, a rather bizarre time to be looking for it. When I met you 3 years ago, I was immediately drawn to your warmth, sense of humor, capacity for understanding, and your gift for speaking exactly what is on your mind in a very genuine & diplomatic way. You have definitely helped me on my own path to self-acceptance, Tina.
> 
> And Vick? Ditto to YOU, as well.


I'm not sure what to say to this except, thank you. And that I'm rather blown away. And I also wish I were able to be diplomatic all of the time. Sometimes the editor is taking a day off...  Thanks again, Traci and Vickie. Your posts mean more to me than you can know. :wubu:


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## SilkyAngela (Aug 22, 2007)

Tina said:


> What a wonderful program, Angela. I wonder what the recidivism rates are for places like that compared to the usual 'junior jail.'
> 
> It sounds like you all had the experience of a lifetime.



I'm really not sure about actual numbers, but I remember it being about 3/4 of the graduates doing well enough outside that they didn't have to return within a year of graduating. Those who really applied what was offered did well, or at least better. But there were some who just learned how to respond appropriately at the right time to skirt through the program and I saw most of those girls back again and again with the same issues, same behaviors. There are several who returned who I wonder if they ever overcame their self-hatred.


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## Tina (Aug 22, 2007)

I think that's incredibly sad, because they're still essentially kids. I have lots to say on that subject as a whole, but it would be political and then I'd have to move it to Hyde Park. 

Sounds like a great percentage, though. Amazing how kids can change when they're given the right kind of attention, and tools.


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## BlondeAmbition (Aug 25, 2007)

Someone I cared a lot about and that wished I could see myself as he saw me.


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## pinuptami (Aug 25, 2007)

My fiancee, for sure. I can't believe I hadn't posted here before.

I met by fiancee my freshman year of college, and we and a friend of his (later a friend of ours), went to dinner. It was buffet style, they both (my fiancee very skinny, the friend tall and medium build) came to the table with plates full of food. I showed up with melon. MELON! I was hungry but all I took was melon, because I wanted to lose weight.

Well, they both asked, hey, wtf's with the melon? I said I wanted to lose weight, and they asked an important question. "Why?"

Before then, I hadn't even figured that out. 

Later, I started seeing my fiancee, and naughty me, he was napping and I was messing around on his computer, and I found some pictures of BBWs and SSBBWs, I clearly remember Heather and Carrie of Carrieland. I quietly got off the computer, and didn't say anything to him about it for a long time, but right there, I felt validated. I never knew fat models existed?

Then I met Ivy...on livejournal I believe! It was before either of us started modeling. She was fat, and proud, and an awesome influence as well. There would be no dynamic duo without her.

So my fiancee, Ivy, and all the beautiful BBWs he had on his computer...all of you helped. Even though he has since deleted the other BBWs. Hey, I didnt make him, but when you have one at home all the time, who likes to be naked...who can blame him?


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## LisaRockfordBBW (Aug 27, 2007)

My biggest influences in the early years were Dr. Cheri Erdman, who I later mentored with. Several others such as the Abundia retreat in Illinois (a bbw retreat), Bill Fabrey (AKA "NAAFA DADDY"), the Chicago NAAFA Chapter, Pay Lyons, Glenn Gaeser, Marilyn Wann, Linda's Big Connections dances in Illinois, several BBW Magazines, and of course Dimensions.
Lisa


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## bigwideland (Aug 27, 2007)

Not wishing to sound so obvious or to sucking up, but the honest truth is this site and the people that have written to me, thanks all.


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## Blockierer (Dec 22, 2007)

I read something about NAAFA in 1972! So, I knew I am not the only one who is attracted to fat women.  Yes, at that time I was seventeen.


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## angel-1 (Dec 22, 2007)

My best friend Brandon, he's still helping me with.


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## bexy (Dec 22, 2007)

*my beautiful boyfriend, my friends, this site, the people that tell me i'm fabulous, and in particular velvet d'amour and beth ditto...*


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## ekmanifest (Dec 22, 2007)

Self-acceptance is still a fairly new process for me, but one I feel like I am truly stepping into - and stepping into it is most definitely a choice, so I guess number one, as some of you have said, would have to be myself.

My guy for sure, because I don't know if I could have made the complete jump on my own, without someone showing me and telling me (and me believing) that he really did find me beautiful and sexy. 

And, then, of course Dimensions - which is, right now, probably the largest factor, because I read posts here pretty much every day and they reinforce the acceptance and beliefs I'm beginning to form. Specifically I think Tina and Ann Marie's posts have been very helpful - and looking at Sasha's incredible confidence in every photo she posts.


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## mybluice (Dec 22, 2007)

I give credit to a friend Alan for introducing me to dimensions, but I have to say it was Lou who has helped me accept myself only because he loves me as I am. He supports me emotionally, tells me I'm beautiful and sexy even when I don't feel like I am.


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## Sweet_Serenade (Dec 22, 2007)

A lot of it really came from within for me, to be honest.

But otherwise, my spouse and friends, never once did any of them give any comments along the lines of letting myself go, or I should lose weight. Every step of the way they were consistantly optimistic about me and still complimented how I look. I'm not quite sure how sincere some of my friends were, but I deeply appreciate them not insulting me or anything, would've been a little like kicking me when I'm down. So I'm just thankful to be around very uplifting people. Of course above my friends, my spouse is just the biggest angel ever. Even with my more recent bits of self discovery, interest in gaining weight and all that jazz, she's still uplifting and positive, ever embracing of the decisions I make, always sticking with what I think is the right choice for me. While some of my friends have recently gotten a little negative, but she isn't. And having someone like that around is absolutely priceless. Self acceptance is fine and dandy for me, and I've come to accept my quirky self a while ago, but having someone around who accepts me for me, and would have it no other way, that's the best feeling imaginable.

Edit, and naturally this board is a big helper too. It's nice to see so many people going through what I am, or something similar. Or just to talk about it is great, and while I do that plenty in real life too, having any extra vents for my feelings is always welcome. Just hearing from a lot of you, and seeing so much confidence and so many beautiful people, it gives me a nice pick-me-up.


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## Ash (Dec 22, 2007)

I can't believe I never posted in this thread!

First of all, my grandmother was the one who actually told me that there were men out there who preferred fat women. I still marvel at this because she was so unhappy being fat. So she told me, and I was completely shocked. And I so I did an internet search. And I found my next influence: 

Dimensions. It was like opening a door to a world of which I was already a part, even though I had no idea that it even existed to begin with. And then, with Dimensions (and I've said this before) came: 

AnnMarie. From that first day that I stumbled onto the boards, she has been an inspiration. She was the biggest (no pun intended) impact on my journey to self-acceptance, by far. It's unbelievable how many fat girls she's positively influenced over the years. Seeing her quiet confidence and kind nature helped me to grow into the confident fat girl that I am today. I owe so much to her. And now I've met her, and she's been in my pants! Haha. And I learned that she's just as awesome in person, and I'm proud to call her a friend.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 22, 2007)

Ashley, your post made me wonder if your grandmother, through all her dislike of being heavier, loved you enough to ease up and show you the positive side of it, hence sharing something good to make you feel good about yourself. Sounds like she loved you a lot


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## mariac1966 (Dec 25, 2007)

I don't really remember how I came upon the information for NAAFA in 1991, but I placed a call to the Philadelphia Chapter for information and got started from there. The people I met through NAAFA were the greatest inspiration for my self-acceptance, lessons I have carried with me to this day. One of my first poems that I wrote about self-acceptance was called Dare to Be You, which I would like to share with everyone:

*DARE TO BE YOU *
_Maria A. Convery_

Do you dare to be you and risk ridicule?
The statements that would be made
because you are different.

Do you dare to be you and risk rejection?
People turning away not wanting any association
because you are different.

Do you dare to be you and risk cruelty?
The physical or mental abuse you would suffer
because you are different.

Do you dare to be you and take that risk?
Gaining self-esteem and self-acceptance by standing up for yourself
because you are different.

Yes, you do dare to be you!
Because you are different
You are unique and special
One-of-a-kind.


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## AtlantisAK (Dec 25, 2007)

The two people who had the biggest impact on my self acceptance were most likely my mother, and my first and still current boyfriend of 2 and a half years. And a bunch of people in school made me more determined to prove them wrong about 'fat girls'.
My mother: never told me to go on diets, never let me go hungry, told me to accept myself because a Name Brand is never you. Size never mattered to her, because she was raised to accept how people are on the inside. That's how she raised me.
My boyfriend: always bugged me to no end if I wrapped myself up instead of just walking around the place naked. He encouraged me to stop wearing men's t-shirts that were too many sizes too large and wear more femminine outfits. (even though he has no fashion sense) And he always makes me feel sexy, no matter what.
The school group: always had the better of me, picking on me and teasing me...Calling me the name "Moolina". It wasnt until after I finished school that I realized they made me a more determined and headstrong person. Which today, has taken me more places than I have expected. I'm too stubborn to be taken down by what people may say about my weight.


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## Just_Jen (Dec 26, 2007)

Okay, well size acceptance is relatively new for me right now. 

i mean i've always had the internal battles like everyone, sometimes looking in the mirror and thinking im fabulous and the next thinking i was disgusting. The people who have stunted this acceptance iare my own family and the people around me. Even my friends have had a negative influence on it. But there's always been a little voice in the background telling me that im not actually that bad...

and then lately i met an amazing guy..who within talking to him a few minutes had told me he liked larger ladies, which got my mind whirring from the start. this lead to more conversations and now im actually listening to his opinions of me, watching his expression when he watches or touches me. It's having a big impact on myself and how i look at myself. i still hold the reservation that he's lying or going to run away but my mind seems to be open to interpretation..

And the second big influence on starting to accept myself is here. The guy told me about dimensions and since i first logged on and looked around, i've loved it. At first it was hard to think that people really believed what they were saying (which isnt any kind of insult at all but all of societal brainwashing made me think twice about it). and then the positive attitude and seeing the beauty and confidence of you all began to rub off and im slowly internalizing it. Especially as ive posted a few things now and getting a positive response. i feel good about myself. First time in a while...so thank you!

:bow:


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## Dravenhawk (Dec 27, 2007)

I gotta say it was finding dims and realizing that it was for a guy to like his woman large. Even encouraged. I noticed this girl named Cindy G if there was anyone person on Dims I have come to admire I got to say it had to be Cindy G who I have had a silly little crush on for the longest time. I am impressed at how big she has gotten over the last few years. I look at her as one would view a moviestar or a rock star. I would love to meet Cindy G one day and maybe get her autograph.

Dravenhawk


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## krazyk1372 (Dec 30, 2007)

I would have to start by saying that I still have a long way to go with this area in my life, but baby i have come a long way. 

First i would have to that a friend that i met 3 months ago that finally convinced me that he was noy crazy for thinking that i was beautiful. He showed me that there are guys out there that find big women beautiful. When he started talking to me about gaining weight, boy i thought I had met a freak. I was very uncomfortable when we talked about weight gain. He even went as far as buying me tons of chocolate and sweets. My family thought he was crazy, of course he was trying to kill me. I said yes, i guess you're all right, he is trying to kill me by feeding me to death, no way to pin that nurder on someone. Anyway, my family is a whole other story. While surfing the internet trying to find a place that would show me he really was normal in his fat acceptance, i stumbled accross Ruby Ripples.

So secondly I would like to say Thank you Ruby Ripples for helping find acceptance and having a differant outlook on my own life.

Last but not least Dimensions and everyone here that is so positive and such a joy to read your comments.


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## ChubbyBubbles (Jan 2, 2008)

My first FA boyfriend was the very first one to make me feel beautiful! Whenever he was around me I felt beautiful and for the first time wasn't ashamed of my body. He opened my eyes to a whole new way of life. He took pride in cooking for me and smiled lovingly as he watched me eat. He loved everything about me. He even took me to my first BBW bash! Wow! I didn't even know they existed!! Although I still struggle with my size, I know that there are people out there who appreciate my body (esp. my husband) and most importantly that there's nothing wrong with me...even if I'm not a size 5. (If you're reading this...thanks frank! )


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## athenasalithia (Jan 2, 2008)

Sigh, can someone help me?


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## athenasalithia (Jan 3, 2008)

Please. Brrrr.....


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## TheNowhereMan (Jan 3, 2008)

honestly it was everyone here that gave me the courage to step out of the FA closet so to speak. until i dound Dim I felt like a freak, the whole "Am I the only one" syndrome had a wicked hold over me.


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## William (Jan 3, 2008)

Hi 

I would say as a Fat Guy I found my way to Fat Acceptance despite the existence of places like NAAFA, which really was more of a barrier for me.

I think what helped me was many Fat People on small Fat Acceptance areas on Yahoo Groups/Clubs and many other online forums.

Right now I spend most of my time on Dimensions and many of the Newer Fat Acceptance Blogs.

William


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## mossystate (Jan 3, 2008)

athenasalithia said:


> Please. Brrrr.....



Whatcha need...?....I love the name Athena..fond memories of it..


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## Tad (Jan 3, 2008)

athenasalithia said:


> Sigh, can someone help me?



Athena;

Welcome to Dimensions. In all seriously, LOTS of people here, male and female, would be delighted to at least try and help you. But we don't have a self-acceptance SWAT team or anything like that. What I would suggest is go post on the introductions thread, then look through some of the other threads that might interest you, or start your own, and talk about your circumstances. Who you are, where you come from (in terms of family and friends), how you feel about yourself, what you may have tried in terms of self acceptance, what you are hoping for.....the more you talk on various threads, the more that you share about yourself, the more people can help you.

And it does not just have to be this board. Go to the fashion board and discuss and clothing challenges you are facing. Talk about any health issues on the health board. Maybe even just goof around a bit in the Lounge, getting to know people and letting them get to know you. 

I hope we hear more from you--and I hope that in a year's time you can come back to this thread and have some positive answers to give!

Regards;

-Ed


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## Velvet (Jan 3, 2008)

Excellant post!
For me it would be Rubens, Renoir, Botero, REAL WOMEN DONT DIET, Dimensions magazine, Radience magazine, FAT!SO?, SARK, various supportive FA's and me, myself and I.:kiss2:
Velvet


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## Just_Jen (Jan 4, 2008)

edx said:


> But we don't have a self-acceptance SWAT team or anything like that.



lmao that would be sooo amazing if we did! hahah i just get images with people on walkie talkies wearing way tooo much black and balaclava's running all over the place... that's amused me for the day...

Athena, Ed's right, if you start posting and read things, talk and evaluate how you feel etc, eventually it'll start to fit into place..


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## asmodeus (Jan 4, 2008)

Fascinating question for me as a man. It began years ago when I found I was most attracted to chunky ladies and especially in the idea that they might gradually increase in size. Then the focus extended to me as well. I had always been chunky, but in recent years I have experienced what I call an escaping belly button. And I found that the farther away it gets, the better I feel. Now I have a large, well rounded belly with which I am totally comfortable.


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## LuvBug (Jan 4, 2008)

All of your answers are so inspiring. I grew up with a very critical mother, so as I grew older I decided to take charge of my self esteem. I read size acceptance publications, did positive self talk, stumbled upon Cat's webpage, and I found this website. It's still a journey but little by little, I learn to love and accept myself more as time goes by.


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## superodalisque (Jan 5, 2008)

my father! he always treated me like everyone else. maybe i was his favorite because he could talk politics with him. he was more concerned with keeping guys away than worrying about whether they would date me. he made my mother stop blaming me for being fat. he used to say "that child does not do the grocery shopping". he never wasted one breath telling me that i was too fat --ever. my brothers all followed his lead. he was really beautiful toward to me.


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## Waikikian (Jan 6, 2008)

The Greeks said that pretending to be brave was the beginning of real courage.

As a teen I made a point of telling people, whenever it fit in a conversation, that I had a preference for bigger girls, because I was afraid of an embarrassing disclosure by someone else. I announced it myself because that seemed less embarrassing than having it come out on someone else's timetable as my "secret."

It was a pretense of self-acceptance -- at first -- but somewhere along the line I got used to the idea and the self-acceptance became real.


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## MrsSunGoddess (Jan 6, 2008)

There were several steps to me being where I am today .... biggest credit would go to my father, everyday, growing up, he told me how beautiful I was, whether I was or not, didn't matter, he made me feel that way "as is." The next would to an ex bf, he made me comfortable with or without clothes on, including every bump and bulge  The next would be Ann Marie and Heather (we've seen their names come up many times in this post) they may not even realize, their affect on me, it 's been a while, eight years to be exact. I met them at my first BBW bash in Chicago, I was confident to a point, but never showed my arms, I just wasn't comfortable. With their encouragement and support, by the weekend, I was flying home in a sleeveless dress. It's been a journey of lessons and now a well lived happy life, thank you to all.


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## AnnMarie (Jan 6, 2008)

MrsSunGoddess said:


> There were several steps to me being where I am today .... biggest credit would go to my father, everyday, growing up, he told me how beautiful I was, whether I was or not, didn't matter, he made me feel that way "as is." The next would to an ex bf, he made me comfortable with or without clothes on, including every bump and bulge  The next would be Ann Marie and Heather (we've seen their names come up many times in this post) they may not even realize, their affect on me, it 's been a while, eight years to be exact. I met them at my first BBW bash in Chicago, I was confident to a point, but never showed my arms, I just wasn't comfortable. With their encouragement and support, by the weekend, I was flying home in a sleeveless dress. It's been a journey of lessons and now a well lived happy life, thank you to all.



Awww, Lynne!  You have beautiful, sexy arms... I'm thrilled I played any small part in you sharing them with others! 

Hope I get to see you this year, and I can't BELIEVE Chicago was 8 years ago... man oh man, does time fly.


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## Waikikian (Jan 6, 2008)

Out here in the "real world" the vast majority of women are fat to some extent but hate being fat, no matter how healthy or sexy they are, so it has been a great help over the years to encounter, through this site, such trailblazers as Heather and AnnMarie and Cindy and Cat/Katrina, as well as a few others who may not have been in the same community but had, in the past, prominent self-accepting presences online -- the former webmistress, for example, and the big beautiful nurse TaurusVixen who was one of the first majorly tattoed missies in our world, just to mention two. Many of us who only lurked still took psychological sustenance from people we've never met.

I just noticed something. When I singled out a few to mention, the common thread was not necessarily that each one most closely fit whatever my own specs are for titillation (though some of them do) but that all them projected across the Net their excellent wit. (Witillation, not just titillation; they carouse as well as arouse.)

Maybe one day one of the insiders will do a timeline of some milestones in the evolution of the online fat acceptance community. That would be fascinating reading for many of us in deep cyberspace. (19XX-JenMarie goes commercial and stops posting free pix. 19XX-ZincDink's site becomes a cobweb....)


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## MrsSunGoddess (Jan 8, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> Awww, Lynne!  You have beautiful, sexy arms... I'm thrilled I played any small part in you sharing them with others!
> 
> Hope I get to see you this year, and I can't BELIEVE Chicago was 8 years ago... man oh man, does time fly.




I know, 8 years?! I hope I get to see you too, maybe Vegas? Keep me posted xoxo


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## franchescassbbw (Jan 12, 2008)

Both of my feeders who LOVE women of size


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## PeacefulGem (Jan 16, 2008)

It's 3:30 in the morning and I am really tired so forgive me if this doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  My journey to self-acceptance started in 2006when I found a BBW/BHM/FA community/organization in Chicago called Linda's Big Connections (the closest I've been able to find to where I live) and decided that it was something I had to be a part of. So I saved up and took a 7 hour bus trip from Des Moines to Chicago in March of 2006 to take part in their Mardi Gras Bash. While I was there I was in a lingerie fashion show and when I was in a little corset and mini skirt strutting my stuff for tons of appreciative spectators I felt a rush unlike anything else I've felt before. I feel like since that moment in my life I have been completely free. When I go out and people point, stare or snicker I just laugh and point, stare and snicker right back at them- That always confuses people 

So that is how I became comfortable in my own skin and started to appreciate my beauty. Throughout the year after that I began to search online for beautiful SSBBWs and came across so many women who have inspired me and changed my life so much and probably do not even know it. For a long while I contemplated trying to get into modeling and finally I decided that I was just going to go for it. I figure I have one life to live and I am going to make the most of it. Watch out, world! lol


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## Just_Jen (Jan 16, 2008)

Does anyone else find that self acceptance is like one step forward and two steps back?

When i first joined here it gave me such a boost with it all and lately i just feel like ive taken a big leap backwards again. i've noticed ive been avoiding forum a bit, partly because it brings issues up which i dont want to be feeling at the moment..has anyone else found this? im sorry if it's not quite appropriate to this thread..

i dont know where to start to bring myself back up again either..


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Jan 16, 2008)

Well I am not "perfectly" in this zone but I have come a long way so far. I have to definitely credit my fiancé for this. He's inspired me in so many ways and I don't think he's always aware of how much he's been a positive influence in my life up to this point in addition to my own natural desire to evolve, grow and gain more self-clarity and acceptance.


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## Aurora1 (Jan 17, 2008)

I wish I could say I have come to accept myself 100%. Unfortunately, that's just not the case for me...and it doesn't even have everything to do with weight or physical attributes either. 

Now, when I do think of the people who inspire and encourage me to be more accepting of myself without even knowing they are doing that for me...Mellisa...YOU are an inspiration for me. I see you and how funny and sweet and happy and smart and beautiful you are. I see you and Bruce and how madly in love you both are.

Bruce....thank you for every last bit of honesty you have shared with me. What you see is what you get with Bruce and if you don't like....then screw you!!! LOL Bruce, you are an amazing person and a very lucky man to have someone as wonderful as Mellisa in your life. Thank you for all your words of wisdom and encouragement. I think you're great! And...I damn well better be invited to that wedding!!!! 

Carla is one of the most amazing people I know too. She is so full of love and life and has made the decision in her life to surround herself with people who accept her for just the way she is...no less, no more. She had made a happy life for herself in her career, her family, her friends and she is just an all around amazing person that I really adore! 

Phil...I think you are an amazing person too. You don't just like Carla for who she is, you don't just love her because of your marriage together, but you have a genuine passion for her....really and truly. You've also taken the time to share with me your journey and the different types of people you have shared your life with and how you finally came to accept what you wanted in a mate and decided that YOU werent going to settle for less. I'm very happy for you and Carla. 

There are so many other people I've met this past year that have left wonderful impressions on me...and some not so good ones either. I can honestly say I'm starting to realize what I do and what I DON'T want for myself and my life. Self-acceptance if a journey I think I'll be on for quite some time to come but every one of you have helped me here and I thank you.


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## rudeboy (Jan 19, 2008)

Dim in general's been one of the reasons that I was so open about being an FA back in high school (i chatted in here before i was 18, shhhh don't tell). Because of this site, i've met some awesome people that have really helped me feel like a part (albeit an inactive, lazy one) of this community. Heather Boyle's been awesome to me, and it was because of her that i got into my first bash despite not having any money. Andi (babyjeep) has become a really good friend and a chill person in general. Same goes for Melissa (LnL) and Bruce, two people who were willin to chat with me at my first bash despite only seeing me in passing online. Katie (Fat and Proud) is someone who's not only an awesome bbw, but someone i can shoot the shit with about dumb stuff like games and horror movies. For a while, I'd go into chat just to find her and have a deep discussion about something stupid like "how fuggin sweet is the Pheonix Wright series?" and such. A side effect of that would be my realization that dim chat CAN be a good place to kill some time, and it's not just a loose assortment of people who are typing with one hand (wink wink nudge).

I'd also like to mention my gf. While she's not necessarily someone who helped me become more open about being an FA, she certainly makes me grateful that I did. Plus, she's living, breathing proof that there are BBW's out there who have a thing for nerds. That alone proves that this community is as awesome as two Fonzes strapped together with snakes. 

View attachment dee curves.jpg


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## strathacker77 (Jan 20, 2008)

Wow. When I saw this thread I knew I had to speak up. I've never posted here but have been involved with the BBW/FA community for a long time. I would have to say that the people who made me understand things the most as an FA were Cindy G & her ex Brian and all the friends I had in the Kelligrl's chat, later titled "Bulge". Cindy, though you probably won't remember me (we started talking online in '97) you and Brian really helped me come to terms with not feeling like I was "broken" or "defective". I am very grateful to you and your ex and the community that was the "Bulge" (Randy,Kelli,TravelGirl). There are some great people in this community and I apologize for not being involved before this, but there have online freindships lost in the past that have hurt and for my own sake I have chosen to stay on the sidelines, but I felt I needed to thank those whom have reached out and shown me that there's more to life. THANK YOU!!!!


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## SoVerySoft (Jan 20, 2008)

strathacker77 said:


> Wow. When I saw this thread I knew I had to speak up. I've never posted here but have been involved with the BBW/FA community for a long time. I would have to say that the people who made me understand things the most as an FA were Cindy G & her ex Brian and all the friends I had in the Kelligrl's chat, later titled "Bulge". Cindy, though you probably won't remember me (we started talking online in '97) you and Brian really helped me come to terms with not feeling like I was "broken" or "defective". I am very grateful to you and your ex and the community that was the "Bulge" (Randy,Kelli,TravelGirl). There are some great people in this community and I apologize for not being involved before this, but there have online freindships lost in the past that have hurt and for my own sake I have chosen to stay on the sidelines, but I felt I needed to thank those whom have reached out and shown me that there's more to life. THANK YOU!!!!



Welcome back to the fold(s)  I hope you'll decide to participate and not stay on the sidelines now. And no need to apologize - many of us take breaks from the community from time to time.

What name did you chat under back in those days?


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## Lamia (Jan 21, 2008)

Honestly, what put me on the track to self acceptance was an internet romance gone bad. When we met I saw the look of horror on his face, and I wasn't really all that into him either, but still rejection is rejection. I went home and for a couple of months really thought about myself. Prior to meeting this guy I had lost about 100 lbs and was down to 280. To get to that weight though I had pretty much stopped eating. I was down to eating 1 weight watcher meal a day. I was going to the gym every day. I would walk a mile, work out on the machines 45 minutes, and then walk a mile. Then I would walk the dog 3 or 4 times a day ( he was super happy). Then I stopped losing weight. I even started to gain a little back. I was so frustrated. I had zero appetite and found I had to force myself to eat the weight watchers meal. 

I have always hated food it's been my enemy for as long as I can remember. It made me fat. Eating is not enjoyable to me. It's not something you can give up. At one point I was kind of hoping I would just die. Then one niehght I took my neice to mcdonalds and she made me try her blizzard. It was like it triggered my appetite. I binged. Then of course I felt horrible and sick. 

I had a long, hard thinking session and decided that I could either be fat and accept myself, or continue to be miserable; as being thin just didn't seem to be an option. I was tired of thinking about it. 

I went online to see if I could find anything about fat acceptance. My search brought me to Dimensions. It was 1998. I didn't go to the forums. I went to the chat. I can't remember what names I chatted under. Phatfatgurl, Arcana, Isabel, probably something like that. I also found a chat room on AOL. 

I talked with all kinds of people about being fat. I particularly wanted to talk to the men and find out why they found fat women attractive. I still didn't believe it. I just felt like they were probably desperate so they were settling. It took a long time for me to understand that some men really do love fat women and for their bodies not their "inner beauty". I am not trying to be sarcastic, but hell I'd been hearing about my "inner beauty" my whole life. I was so excited to find out someone actually thought I had outer beauty. 

I learned to not only accept myself, but realized I liked being fat. I realized all these years I had been trying to change for other people. WELL SCREW THAT!

I am now engaged to an FA and I eat what I want. I exercise when I feel like it and I don't give me weight another thought, unless some rude person decides to make it an issue, even then it's not really that important. 

Diann


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## amber83 (Mar 15, 2008)

The person who made the most impact to my self-acceptance was my ex-boyfriend. We really, truly loved each other - we just had different versions of the future we wanted. I think there's always going to be a special love for him somewhere in my heart. 

We had an amazing connection and a wonderful sexual relationship. I wasn't embarassed to be in bed with him and he made me feel beautiful regardless of what I wore. He was the first man I ever dressed in lingerie for and he made me feel so sexy doing it. 

Even though we're not together, I really thank him for helping me along the path of accepting myself.


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## Tommy_Oblivion (Mar 17, 2008)

I am, and few other have been anything but roadblocks.


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## Ben from England (Mar 18, 2008)

Two realisations forced me to embrace my preferences. Firstly that I might actually not ever be able to be with the type of woman I was actually attracted to if I didn't man up. I didn't want my experiences with fat women to end on my hard drive. Thanks for that hormones. Secondly, that being closeted away was dishonest at the basest of levels, as my reasons for being so were ultimately just an attempt to project an image of myself to other people that wasn't real and I wouldn't be able to go on believing I had any measure of character if I lived like that forever.

On top of this I always admired people who made an attempt to be honest about what they were and confront people who were oppressing them. I always think of the Derek Jarman's of the world as heroic in their way. I don't want to go through life feeling like a coward. 

A couple of my friends helped, as I didn't burst out of the closet to say the least. I kind of shuffled out mumbling ever louder when I was about 15. The first people to find out could have set me way back, but they didn't, they we're cool without being patronising. My mum didn't even bat an eyelid. 

The presence of a community helps. Dims is alright, but so out of the context of my real life. Actually being able to meet people who are on the same wave length was a great boost and lends a sense of support that gives me extra confidence.


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## BeaBea (Mar 18, 2008)

Ben, I think I love you!

Tracey xx


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## BigCutieCindy (Mar 18, 2008)

strathacker77 said:


> Wow. When I saw this thread I knew I had to speak up. I've never posted here but have been involved with the BBW/FA community for a long time. I would have to say that the people who made me understand things the most as an FA were Cindy G & her ex Brian and all the friends I had in the Kelligrl's chat, later titled "Bulge". Cindy, though you probably won't remember me (we started talking online in '97) you and Brian really helped me come to terms with not feeling like I was "broken" or "defective". I am very grateful to you and your ex and the community that was the "Bulge" (Randy,Kelli,TravelGirl). There are some great people in this community and I apologize for not being involved before this, but there have online freindships lost in the past that have hurt and for my own sake I have chosen to stay on the sidelines, but I felt I needed to thank those whom have reached out and shown me that there's more to life. THANK YOU!!!!



I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner, I just saw your post.

I'm glad you were able to accept your FAness. What id did you use back then, I have a pretty good memory. Drop me a private message if you don't want to post it here.

Thanks for the shout out!


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## Ruby Ripples (Mar 19, 2008)

I've seen this thread so many times and hesitated to post each time. But the plain fact is, the answer to the question in my case, is... me. Despite being told daily whilst growing up then in an abusive relationship, how fat, ugly, pathetic blah blah I was, I never truly believed I was those things. And I never truly believed I looked as bad as they said. I was the only person on my road to self acceptance. Despite having no self-confidence and very little self-esteem I always thought that a person's worth/beauty/value had nothing to do with their body size. I had arrived at my destination by the time I found FAs and dimensions, about two years ago. How lovely to be helped on that road by someone, I hope those of you who are being helped along, appreciate how precious that is.


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## DollyTron (Mar 26, 2008)

Leonard LePage. Like whoa.


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## Surlysomething (Mar 26, 2008)

For the most part I guess it was me. And growing up and into myself. If that makes any sense.

I also started to work at a plus size store and I loved my co-workers and being around clothes that fit. 

A pinnacle moment was my Mom buying me a pair of jeans (something I hadn't worn for many years) I didn't want to try them on and be disappointed and hurt but it was quite the opposite. Now i'm a jeans-a-holic. And I love my womanly, curvy body and nice ass and great rack. Haha. (I still struggle though-i've had some weight gain recently and it bothers me, but i'm trying to work through it)

/ramble


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## Crystal (Mar 26, 2008)

A special friend of mine. 

It took long enough, though.

He probably got tired/frustrated of worrying with it.

...and I'm not even completely there yet. :doh:


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## Fairest Epic (Mar 27, 2008)

i'm still on that road...but people who have helped me so far are God and a friend from here i like to call mini mallow man. thanks


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## AshleyEileen (Oct 5, 2008)

The girls on Cupcake Cuties have impacted more than they'll ever know.


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## kayrae (Oct 6, 2008)

I just checked out Cupcake Cuties. I think it's a pretty site, indeed :happy:


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## pinkylou (Oct 7, 2008)

My soon to be ex hubby, he made me feel so crap about myself the only other way was up


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## SpecialK (Oct 7, 2008)

Joann and Darwin Bellemore and the Las Vegas BBW Bash. Yup.


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## No-No-Badkitty (Oct 7, 2008)

Honestly...it's people like you find here at Dims....wonderful women and spectacular men (even those that hump your leg) that have the wonderful ability to make you feel like some powerhouse supermodel.
It's nice...to say the least.

I haven't been here long...but through my life (especially in the past 5 years) I have met wonderful internet people with the same mindset as those found here...it has been wonderful...thank you all 

Last but not least---my husband who's never ever had a negative thing to say about my appearance...


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## MrsSunGoddess (Oct 7, 2008)

SpecialK said:


> Joann and Darwin Bellemore and the Las Vegas BBW Bash. Yup.



Me too! Joann, Darwin and the bash as a whole have taken me places I'd never thought I'd go and now I'm spreading the word!

Lynne


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## olwen (May 26, 2009)

*Bump*

This thread is cool.

I've known about SA for so long, (since I was a teen) that I can't remember ever not accepting my body...I also can't remember the first thing I came across, or the first time I heard the term "bbw." I just remember thinking, "yeah, I like the sound of that." LOL


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## goodthings (May 27, 2009)

my friend Irma. She was from Texas and taught me that I was not so bad after all!


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## Fat.n.sassy (Jul 21, 2010)

My first example of size self acceptance was my best friend Mickey. She was unabashedly confident in herself and if you didn't like it, you could kiss her "big ass". I was well into my 20s and I had NEVER before heard of anyone who "let herself" be happy with her body fat.

I love this woman! :wubu:


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## thirtiesgirl (Jul 22, 2010)

First off, I'd say the most important person in my journey of size- and self-acceptance has been me. I've done a lot of the work on my own. But I have to give props to a lot of important people who have helped along that journey. 

The first person who really got me thinking about size acceptance and got me into the movement is writer Wendy Shanker. I started seeing her column in Bust magazine in the early 2000's, and then I found her book, The Fat Girl's Guide to Life, which she published in 2003. That book became my fat acceptance bible. After reading her book, I flailed around for a few years on my own, reading various size-acceptance articles online, and Wendy McClure's novel, I'm Not the New Me, taking in her message of size- and self-acceptance. I eventually discovered the Fatshionista Livejournal community, Lesley Kinzel's Fatshionista blog, Kate Harding's Shapely Prose, and Marianne Kirby's blog, The Rotund. Kate and Marianne's fabulous book, Lessons From the Fat-o-Sphere, was another step on the journey towards size-acceptance.

These women, along with some of the women I've talked with in the Fatshionista community, have helped me endlessly on my journey of size-acceptance. I'm not sure if I'd be able to keep on fighting the good fight against fat hate if it wasn't for them. I look forward to meeting other inspiring people on this site.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 22, 2010)

LillyBBW...she taught me more about size acceptance, racial acceptance, culture acceptance and self acceptance than any living soul before or after we met.

I'd be dead now if it wasn't for her


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## sarie (Jul 22, 2010)

a couple of my very closest friends, and just over the last two years (because this is when i actually allowed myself to start hearing it). i'm not there entirely yet, but i'm on my way. actually i have been the ultimate detriment to this figurative road, but i'm really really trying to alter my fucked up ways.

yay


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## CastingPearls (Jul 23, 2010)

My mother never spoke of her weight as a BBW until she was dying. But she never put me or my siblings on a diet, protected me from extended family bigotry and never said a disparaging word, nor did she ever emphasize my beauty for that matter. She spoke of intelligence, kindness, manners, respect and having and pursuing goals to name a few. 
 
In an effort to not have me be a target because she had been, she did make me wear a girdle from the time I was 11-years-old and was always telling me to pull my shirt down in the back because it would ride up or get stuck in a fold but she was protecting me. I am a perpetual 'plucker' to this day. She was not demonstrative but I felt her love and knew she was proud of me. 

My dad, a BHM was very neurotic about his weight and said a few very inappropriate things while I was growing up (you'll never have babies if you don't lose weight, etc.) but for the most part home was safe. But only home. School and in public was another story.

At home everyone loved to eat and no one dieted. We got fat on very large portions of very healthy food. There was no junk-food in our house, ever. Not even one box of sugary breakfast cereal. I learned how to cook standing on a chair at the stove probably before I started kindergarten.

I always had a good sense of self but my paternal grandmother could be harsh and this really hurt my mother who detested her for many actually understandable reasons. So I observed a great deal. I internalized a great deal. My mother's silence. My father's doting on my BBW mother. My father's inner turmoil. 

I have to say I learned from myself. I was an avid reader from the time I was four and observer of human behavior and was proud of my intellect, sense of humor and ability to defeat my critics with reason rather than violence. (usually but not always) 

My sister was born when I was six. She was born on Christmas Eve and I considered her a Christmas present, the best gift I ever got. My only sister, and the youngest, I swore I would take her under my wing and arm her to believe in herself, in her beauty internally and externally and to pursue her dreams and let no one deter her from them based on her size or appearance.

Sadly my sister died nearly two years ago in her sleep at 35. She was a smaller darker more concentrated saturated version of me only with no inner-censor. LOL She was fearless. She didn't want approval. She didn't want authorization. She refused to be grateful for attention or crumbs thrown in her direction. She faced a lot of bigotry face on and demanded respect and damn it--she got it and if she was going down she was taking hostages and I have that same philosophy today. 

My sister Lisa taught me back what I taught her that when in your darkest moments-- believe in yourself regardless of what anyone else thinks. I am not defined by anyone's opinion of me. I am fabulous. I am intelligent. I am gorgeous and anyone who doesn't agree with that can piss off.


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## paintsplotch (Jul 23, 2010)

Russell Williams said:


> At one convention I remember a woman telling me that three days at a NAAFA convention had done more for her self-acceptance than three years of psychotherapy.
> 
> Yours truly,
> 
> Russell Williams



i keep seeing this in posts..... NAAFA conventions.... can someone tell me what that is? i apologize if i sound like a complete moron..... but i am also very VERY new at this whole world of size acceptance.

i still have a war inside..... to love or hate my packaging... 

i thank my friend ben for teaching me that i am beautiful. i think that so far he is really one of the only guy's i actually believe when he gives me compliments because i see that he talks about big girls and dates big girls... 

ive been to a couple of the BBW dances (heavenly bodies) in MA..... but i get so damned shy.... i sit at a table and just dont know what to do with myself..... ack.... im still conflicted...

reading so many wonderful posts makes me feel better about my progress. i have been going to therapy (keeps me sane) for many years..... but i think overall, it was me..... i did it...... i worked so hard to make the progress to loving myself. 

im not there yet..... as i bawled today cuz i am chunkie and some dude made a nasty comment when i was in the elevator...... i felt all craptastic and just cried.... i hate being picked on and feeling alone.

i joke around ALOT and it works wonders....... but my real friends always ask why i do it. its a habit... i make people laugh and it takes away from me being just the fat chick.... 

im rambling.... sigh.... sorry..... im working on it.. i really am!


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## SoVerySoft (Jul 24, 2010)

paintsplotch said:


> i keep seeing this in posts..... NAAFA conventions.... can someone tell me what that is? i apologize if i sound like a complete moron..... but i am also very VERY new at this whole world of size acceptance....



It's a very good question. NAAFA is the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. They were founded in 1969. They hold an annual convention (the original "BBW Bashes" if you think about it!)

Here is a link to info on this year's convention. 2010 NAAFA Convention

As far as coming to terms with accepting yourself, it's a journey, so don't worry if it takes some time. You're doing all the right things. Hang in there!


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## butch (Jul 24, 2010)

I'm glad this thread got revived, and I hope we'll add more to this. I have to say my partner has helped me see the ways I still hold onto shame about fatness, and it has been such an eye opener.

For example, when I was in Boston over the Christmas/New Years holiday, we planned to go to the Heavenly Bodies New Years Eve bash. Wherever we went, if friends and family asked what we were doing for New Years, my partner said exactly what we were doing, that we were going to a dance and bash for fat people and their admirers.

I was surprised and a bit uncomfortable at first, thinking "what are these people going to think if we don't put this in context?" I was afraid that people would think what i've run into a few times from otherwise supportive and smart people, that these events are nothing more than fetish orgies. I myself had been evasive to friends and family when I went to the NJ bash last October-all I said was that I was going to hang out with friends that I met through on online community. 

Through my partner's example, I began to see that my evasiveness wasn't helping, it was just perpetrating the idea that any gathering of fat people and FAs has to be somehow 'bad' or 'shameful,' and it is none of those things. It is a social event just like any other, and I need to look even deeper inside and make sure I'm not holding onto any more internalized shame or hatred about my fat body, or if I'm allowing a misguided and mostly antagonistic majority culture influence my beliefs about the value of fat people and their social lives.


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 24, 2010)

I hear what you're saying, but I do think there can be a overlap of "shame" and plain privacy. This sort of comes into play during discussions of how "out" somebody is or isn't. 

That you don't wear and "I *heart* Fat Chicks" t-shirt does not make you closeted. I used to work with a guy who was only attracted to Latina or Asian females, it was obvious and well known he had not gone near a Caucasian in like a decade. That being said, he never explicity stated "I am not into Caucasians", he just went about his business and you'd see him oggling Latinas or you'd see him chatting up Thai girl and understand that was his thing.

With being an FA, not everyone is going to understand it, some may thing it's weird, some may find it just bizarre, and some may not care. You yourself may simply not choose to discuss it and that does not make you less out or less of a true FA. If you choose to not discuss your sexual preferences and just say "I'm going to a party in Philadelphia" I think that's fine.


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## wtchmel (Jul 27, 2010)

Marilyn Wann, I picked up her zine called FatSo! Years ago, that got me started and it just snowballed from there!


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## Ho Ho Tai (Jul 27, 2010)

largenlovely said:


> I thought it would be an interesting question..and positive message as well  to see who made the biggest impact on everyone during their road to self acceptance?
> 
> . . . . .
> 
> ...



I've dipped into this thread periodically. While tempted to post, I refrained because most, if not all, responders interpreted the 'self acceptance' to be an issue of weight. While this is certainly appropriate to this board, weight was not the obstacle in my road to self acceptance. I doubt that this comes as news to anyone who has struggled with the weight issue. If one were totally self-accepting in all other parameters, weight would be a non-issue.

Moreover, it is seldom just one person, place, incident, idea that sets the foot firmly on the path. It is more likely to be a whole series of people, incidences, et c., that finally lead to one's destiny.

If this post is not considered inappropriate, I may (at a later time) delineate some of the steps and obstacles in my own journey. For now, Joni Mitchell sums it up perfectly for me in this very early song.

*"Oh, I think I understand
Fear is like a wilderland
Stepping stones and sinking sand"*​ 
I think I understand
Joni Mitchell

And a very early on-stage playable version. So early, I barely recognize the voice that was to emerge a few years later.


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## calauria (Jul 28, 2010)

I'd have to say myself and Dims. I just got so tired of being miserable from trying to live up to everyone elses standards and hating myself because I couldn't. Life is too short to be so damned miserable. So, I just decided to love and accept myself and to NOT let anyone take advantage of me anymore.


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## CastingPearls (Jul 29, 2010)

wtchmel said:


> Marilyn Wann, I picked up her zine called FatSo! Years ago, that got me started and it just snowballed from there!


The book is a riot too. 
I have to say that reading it, visiting the site, etc. when I was in my twenties, confirmed a lot of what I was already feeling. It definitely gave me a sense of validation and that I was not as isolated as I thought.


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## collared Princess (Jul 31, 2010)

In my youth it was my mother who thought I was the greatest and I could do no wrong..then as an adult I found large encounters and met a guy named Jim (jktab)..
He sent me to Dim and thats where I learned more about me 

Thank you JIM:bow:


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## blubberismanly (Jul 31, 2010)

largenlovely said:


> I thought it would be an interesting question..and positive message as well  to see who made the biggest impact on everyone during their road to self acceptance?



I must admit I'm still on that road, but I had two key figures influence me when I was younger.

Who hasn't had a teacher they were attracted to at some point? I did, absolutely. He was not super tall but taller than me, had the facial hair of a rock star, was latino with medium skin and chubby hands, and weighed at least 260. He carried almost all of it in the front with big rolls on the sides and a perfectly chubby face. I also remember his upper arms being rather bulgy with flab but he also carried good sized arm muscles. He wasn't a musclechub per say, but he had the build for it if he ever decided to become one.

It's a long story, but I used a lot of illegal substances then. I ended up inadvertently creeping the hell out of him for several reasons. I don't fully understand why I did a few things, other than the fact that I was quite literally not in my right mind when I did them. When I'm in the area of the school sometimes I wish I can run into him so I can apologize.

Anyhow, that was my first experience with fat attraction. The second was Steve Harwell. I was so madly crazy about him...I was very active on the official forum on SmashMouth's website and I even owned a website dedicated to them (which I deleted upon the release of Get the Picture? When my attitudes about the band changed). I've never been more into a guy than him. And back then...wow, he was big.

(Hat's my story of how I realized I like fat guys.


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## Lina (Aug 4, 2010)

I LOVE this thread!

My biggest influence was a therapist who specializes in weight loss. I started seeing her when I was getting preparing for weight loss surgery. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety because of my weight and she was helping me become more comfortable with my body and get out of my comfort zone. Thanks to her, I started loving who I was at the moment (and that weight). I realized that surgery was not for me and instead, used the money to travel to Africa. Although, I don't think remaining fat was the result she was hoping for me, She's completely changed my life!


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## Filly (Aug 5, 2010)

I don't think any one person has been my main influence. I would credit a lot of my progress on Dimensions in general. This was the first place I ever read about fat people being viewed positively. I still have a way to go towards my own acceptance, but the fact that I haven't been on a strict (or 'Fad') diet since joining the site is an indication that I am now in a mind where I can feel ok with my weight.

I would however, have to give a shout out to some of the ladies I met at the 2009 NJ Bash - lipmixgirl; ColdComfort; BigCutieSasha; One Wicked Angel and others.


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## StaySafeTonight (Aug 6, 2010)

Mine was my ex fiance. She was a bigger girl (not entirely big enough for my tastes, but for the social norms, she was 100lbs. heavier than me) and I love it. Growing up, I always knew what I liked based on what was pleasing for me to look at (i.e. when I was 15 I was looking at Largenlovely, Heather, and the the like while my friends looked at Pamela Anderson) But she just solidified my preferences by being a real, in the flesh, BBW.

But she was the first girl (her being larger had nothing to do with it) that I ever feel in love with at first sight. I completely embraced her for everything she was- and of course, her size. I loved it, and eventually, I grew to want even more. Sadly, she wasn't ever secure in the fact that "someone as attractive as me could ever find her attractive" so she preemptively ended it, fearing I may find someone else. I still wouldn't take back our relationship for anything, because it solidified me as a FA. Something I am PROUD to be!


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## KittyKitten (Aug 6, 2010)

I credit the love of my thick body to not only the urban music culture that celebrates the voluptuous and sexy woman, but going on online sites such as Dimensions where fat is viewed as beautiful.


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## Tracyarts (Aug 7, 2010)

My dad.

And his impact on my self-acceptance went way beyond what size jeans I happened to wear at any given point in my life, it covered my entire being. He was the one who taught me that when it came down to it, the only opinion of myself that mattered was my own. 

I also learned at a young age that people will pull you in every direction trying to get you to be who/what they want you to be. And in most cases, it's not about you at all, but about them. 

As far as the size acceptance aspect of it. I have had to stand my ground against people from all sides who would want me to conform to their personal ideal. Be it people who thought I was too fat and should get thinner, people who thought I looked fine and should not gain a single pound, people who thought I was too thin and should get fatter, and people who thought I looked fine and should not lose a single pound. NONE of them really thought much about what *I* wanted for myself. It was all about them, their ideals, and how I could use my body to validadate, please, or appease them in some way. Some of the pressure was subtle, some was absolutely brutal. But there was pressure from all sides, not just one. 

I will admit that it really took me aback when I found "size acceptance" and was told several times that if I only gained some weight I would be perfect. I had already heard several times from other people that if I only lost some weight I would be perfect. But I liked myself just as I was, so they could all just screw off, regardless of which side of the coin they were on. It's my body, and my right to decide what to do with it. Be that gain weight, lose weight, get fit, or slack off. And my motives and reasons for doing so only matter to me, nobody else out there is entitled to any kind of explanation or justification. They have the right to give their opinion, but I have the greater right to just blow them off and do what I want to do. 

To me, self-acceptance isn't something static but something fluid that you experience as you live, completely in the moment.

Tracy


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## paintsplotch (Aug 13, 2010)

StaySafeTonight said:


> Mine was my ex fiance. She was a bigger girl (not entirely big enough for my tastes, but for the social norms, she was 100lbs. heavier than me) and I love it. Growing up, I always knew what I liked based on what was pleasing for me to look at (i.e. when I was 15 I was looking at Largenlovely, Heather, and the the like while my friends looked at Pamela Anderson) But she just solidified my preferences by being a real, in the flesh, BBW.
> 
> But she was the first girl (her being larger had nothing to do with it) that I ever feel in love with at first sight. I completely embraced her for everything she was- and of course, her size. I loved it, and eventually, I grew to want even more. Sadly, she wasn't ever secure in the fact that "someone as attractive as me could ever find her attractive" so she preemptively ended it, fearing I may find someone else. I still wouldn't take back our relationship for anything, because it solidified me as a FA. Something I am PROUD to be!




you rock dude. :bow:


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## joswitch (Aug 13, 2010)

Subscribing!


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## katybug (Aug 14, 2010)

My biggest influence on the road to self acceptance has definitely been Sasha, and also all of my massage school instructors and classmates.

I grew up in rural Montana, with the understanding that to be healthy, happy, and normal you pretty much must be thin. Therefore, being the chubby high school girl gave me a constant feeling of not fitting in. So I jumped on the band wagon and lost 60 pounds the summer before college. But after a couple short years I had regained the 60 pounds and then some. 

After college I eventually moved to Portland, OR for massage school. As odd as it may sound...massage school was also a huge turning point for me being comfortable in my body. Looking back on it, I can't believe I was able to do it.. The thought of being naked under a sheet in front of a room full of classmates used to paralyze me, but for some reason I gave it a shot. Gradually I grew to accept my body. I still didn't love it, but I was ok with it, and that was major progress for me. Massage school taught me this kind of connectedness we all have to each other, regardless of the outward appearance of our bodies. Our bodies are utilitarian vehicles we use for our lives, but they themselves aren't our lives. Massage is the tool for keeping our vehicles in good working order. 

After massage school, I was working in Portland and one of my co-workers was this unwaiveringly confident BBW named Sasha. She and I became close friends. She took me under her wing and introduced me to Dimensions and the size acceptance world in general. Before meeting her I had NO IDEA that there was such a large group of people who were not only supportive of people being fat, but actually preferred them that way. The notion of a FA boggled my mind. Although I am very happy to know they are out there :wubu:

Thanks to anyone who actually read my rant all the way to the end! Much love...


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## JMNYC (Aug 14, 2010)

I would have to credit myself for that, actually.

I have come to the point where I see JMNYC as a creature separate from my soul, inner light, inner being, what-have-you. There is the man who wears clothes, plays a bunch of instruments, types on the computer, talks on the phone, drives cars and thinks a lot of stuff---and then there's something else.

More interested and connected with that "something else" these days than the "personality." That said---

I treat "him" well, feed him good food, take him swimming, take him driving, take him to the grocery store, buy him clothes when he needs them, advise him to spend or not spend, tell him he's a good guy, and generally am nicer to him now than at any time I've known the lad. I've also arranged for him to make more money, to get and give more hugs, to travel to a bunch of fun places, and...given him what he needs to have a Nice Life Experience.

It's like he's my kid and I'm taking care of him as though he's a Prince or a King---better than any parent, girlfriend, wife, friend could take care of him.

Hasn't been easy, but it is very rewarding!


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Aug 14, 2010)

The first person to show me big could be beautiful was a lady named Sandy who lived in Brentwood California and owned a video store called Video USA with her sisters. She tried so hard to get through to me. She was a SSBBW...and this was back in the early 90's. She gave me copies of BBW magazine and showed me personals from guys seeking big girls. She took me out to lunch in her little car with a customized tiny steering wheel.

She was happily married...but also had an admirer named Beau. My mom and Sandy tried in vein to get me and Beau together but I was only 14 years old at the time...what were they thinking?!?!?! LOL. He was at least 21 at the time. 

That was my first experience but it didn't really sink in. I was high school after all and getting told several times everyday that I was a fat nobody.

Then in college I discovered some people..mostly models who put themselves out there. I would not be who I am if it wasn't for CindyG, SophieBBW, Heather, Betsy, DixieBBW (Anna) and Cindy...the big blonde one. They all impacted me greatly.


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## 1love_emily (Apr 10, 2011)

Who was? 

He was. 

I don't even know how to begin to describe it. When I fell for him, and when I knew he was starting to fall for me, something inside just clicked.


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## fluffyandcute (Apr 11, 2011)

I would like to give that credit to a very close friend of mine :wubu:
He knows who he is!! Thanks alot babe!!


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## Bettie Bomb (Apr 12, 2011)

I have thought about this myself for awhile now... trying to remember the womans name that had the biggest influence on me. I used to be so self-conscious about my weight - to the point of being seriously depressed and suicidal. At the time I didn't know anything about the BBW community - didn't know any confident fat women. I met a woman in 2002 or so... I always remember this... I used to always wear shirts that would cover my arms - I had a major farmers tan going on.. and this woman that I met... she was wearing a tank-top.. and I remember being so in awe of this.. I remember her telling me that she's as hot as the next person.. and that if someone didn't like looking at her fat arms that they didn't have to look. Just her attitude made me change the way I looked at myself. It was hard - being that I grew up feeling bad about the way I looked. But since that day I've been happy and proud with who I am and how I look. I just wish so much I could remember her name.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Apr 12, 2011)

No question about it: it was Conrad. I was raised by fatphobes, and it was an article of faith in our household (possibly the Eleventh Commandment) that Nobody Could Ever Be Attracted To A Fat Woman. Except, of course, me, and I assumed that if anyone ever caught on to my perversion I would end my days screaming in a padded cell.  So when I saw my first issue of _Dimensions_ (the paper version) I snapped it up, read it from cover to cover, subscribed to it, and realized there were more things in heaven and earth than my philosophy hitherto dreamt of. I felt like Hans Christian Andersen's ugly duckling when he discovered swans. :happy: I still do. Thanks, Conrad. :bow:


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## Weirdo890 (Apr 13, 2011)

My parents have always been on my side and have always accepted me as I am. Another person would be my girlfriend. She always sees the beauty in me, even if I don't. She is always there for me. :wubu:


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## louisaml (Apr 14, 2011)

The first person was a very good male friend of mine. Though we are not dating anymore. We were first friends, and will always be because he made me realize the things going through my head were natural and that I needed to embrace who I wanted to be. He was the first man to ever make me feel truly beautiful. For that and so much more, if you ever read this, thank you for making me who I am today. You will always be in my heart and I will never watch Trick r Treat in the same way again.:wubu:


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