# When is a Community not a community?



## Scrumptious_voluptuous (Jun 4, 2012)

Probably when people exploit the fact they have been part of an online group for a few years in order to steal £500 from you.

I don't post on here very often, and I'm sure there will be a portion of you who think I just got taken for a mug. But I'm hoping that this will serve as a general warning that even though you may have online friendships from here, or other boards, think long and hard if it means anything in the real world. Cos right now, I don't think it does, and that's a shame. Another crashing defeat for my trust, and faith in humanity.

So..what happened?

I met a guy, who has been on here for years. He's quite a well know Brit on here. A lot of you like him, a lot. I won't mention names, but you're welcome to PM me for it. Ironically, he was telling me about how much he'd like to go to the next Bash in New Jersey. Probably with the £500 he had just stolen from my bank account.

Aaaanyway, knowing that he knew a lot of my good friends here in the UK from dims and various BBW boards and events, and a lot of my friends in the states, I saw no reason to not trust him. Because I'm nice like that. I like to trust people. I like to help people. I like to think we all get along. Obviously, we don't...

To cut a pretty dull story short, he let's me buy him drinks, get a hotel, and we sleep together. All with that cash just burning a hole in his pocket. Lucky boy!

He even texts for a few days afterwards. No mention of the money.

Not until I check my statement and see my rent has been bounced. See, my rent is about £565 a month. Those keeping track will have noticed that £500 was not there. Now I owe my landlord arrears, my bank will charge me for the cash trying to come out when none was there, and have a big old black mark against my name. I also don't have money for my holiday coming up in June, and just when I thought my trust in men could get no lower I suddenly find a whole new level. My heart was broken from my last relationship, and this brief affair has broken my wallet. I just can't get a break...

So there we go. Something to make me step back from forums, boards, groups and the like. Because no matter how much someone may be a part of a 'community', they can still turn out to be a massive thieving fuckwit.


(BTW, his excuse was that he was just desperate, and needed to pay the banks. Well, now *I'M* desperate and need to pay the banks. He has just passed his problems on to me, when I was doing all I could to help him out.)


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## Mathias (Jun 4, 2012)

Sorry that happened to you. Don't let one person ruin the entire community though. There are some great people here.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 4, 2012)

I've read your post twice, and I still don't understand how this lowlife was able to get into your bank account without you knowing. Could you please explain? Because if this guy is working some kind of scam, the best way to stop him is to tell others what he's up to.


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## Scrumptious_voluptuous (Jun 4, 2012)

No Scam. We were just having drinks and I pay on my card a lot. He remembered my pin when I was paying for things, and took the card. I know some people are going to say I should have been more careful, but when you're with someone who you have mutual friends with, and stands to loose his whole - and fairly widespread- online (and offline) reputation, you kind of assume they're not going to do something quite so stupid.


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## Webmaster (Jun 4, 2012)

This is a police matter, not a board matter.


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## Mathias (Jun 4, 2012)

Scrumptious_voluptuous said:


> No Scam. We were just having drinks and I pay on my card a lot. He remembered my pin when I was paying for things, and took the card. I know some people are going to say I should have been more careful, but when you're with someone who you have mutual friends with, and stands to loose his whole - and fairly widespread- online (and offline) reputation, you kind of assume they're not going to do something quite so stupid.



It doesn't matter how long I've known someone- best friend, mutual friend, online friend, or not. I NEVER let anyone know my pin number. If I know I'm going to be having drinks somewhere, I use cash every time. I hate to sound harsh but it seems like you actually shouldn't have been so open with your card.


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## Ash (Jun 4, 2012)

Mathias said:


> It doesn't matter how long I've known someone- best friend, mutual friend, online friend, or not. I NEVER let anyone know my pin number. If I know I'm going to be having drinks somewhere, I use cash every time. I hate to sound harsh but it seems like you actually shouldn't have been so open with your card.



She didn't give him her PIN, and I don't think we can place any blame on her just because she used her debit card instead of cash. That's ludicrous. The only mistake she made here was assuming that a friend of a friend wasn't going to fuck her over. The blame lays squarely with the person who stole from her.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 4, 2012)

Webmaster said:


> This is a police matter, not a board matter.



It's both.


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## Isa (Jun 4, 2012)

Ample Pie said:


> It's both.



Agreed. There is a chance that she is not the first nor possibly the last. I say that she should out his name so all of his friends know exactly what they are dealing with.


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## YoJoshua (Jun 4, 2012)

Webmaster said:


> This is a police matter, not a board matter.




I agree.

_(concur, second the motion, whatever it takes to meet the minimum for a post!) _


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## CastingPearls (Jun 4, 2012)

It is a police matter but in the meantime, it doesn't hurt to go underground and call his sorry ass out through other internet social media *cough facebook cough cough*


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## Lovelyone (Jun 4, 2012)

I agree with most of the other postings.
However, I do think that it is also a board matter. There ARE *men and women* in this community (and other communities) who are predators. They take advantage of people whom they think are gullible, desperate, and lonely. You see this everywhere you go..and to say that it doesn't happen here is doing an injustice to anyone here whom it HAS happened to. 
It does bear mentioning that you cannot hold and entire community responsible for the actions of one person. I've had some awful dates with some guys on this forum. They have treated me like a piece of meat. They EXPECTED sex (because a fat woman is always desperate enough to put out, right?). I was dating someone who knew from the start that I wanted a monogamous relationship--only to find out that he was dating several other women from here at the same time he was dating me...but I don't hold the community responsible for those things. As with other communities--there are bound to be some bad apples no matter where you go--and you've got to be cautious in every circumstance. 

I think it's horrible that this guy used his familiarity with dimensions to weasel his way into someone's life only to steal from them, but again, the community isn't at fault--he is. The saddest thing is that there are people in this world, community, friends, family who will take advantage when they can. I've seen it happen time and time again. I've witnessed it in this community...but you cannot allow the bad deeds of an underhanded person take away from all the good that we have here. 

My heart goes out to you that this happened and if I were you I would certainly make out a police report and press charges.


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## Ample Pie (Jun 4, 2012)

For reelz. The op didn't make this a board matter, The Fellow who did this stuff made it a board matter by using the board to 1: meet people to screw over and 2: use the board to add to his cred.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 4, 2012)

I wouldn't let anyone know my card number unless it was family for an emergency.

I'm mind-boggled how trusting people are with their money.


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## mango (Jun 4, 2012)

Webmaster said:


> This is a police matter, not a board matter.



*Wrong.*


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## Scrumptious_voluptuous (Jun 5, 2012)

* It is a police matter. They have been contacted. They needed to be because the banks wont repay if it's a 'domestic' matter, and I'd rather give him a juicy criminal record than lie to the banks and say I didnt know him, and possibly have my own fraud case against me.

*It is a board matter. He has been 'borrowing' money from several girls on here for months now. It was only because I posted about having money stolen that it all came to light.

*I am trusting, in that I don't hold a pin & chip machine right to my face, all hunched over. I just pop in my pin like normal people, and then kind of assume that whomever I'm with _wont take the card and £500 from it._ At least, as a card fraud, I have more of a case against him which I wouldn't have done with cash. The police can see the CCTV etc.

The thing about this is he's not denying it. He knows he's done wrong, and yet I seem to be getting hassle just for trying to warn other girls about this. It isn't a name and shame excersise. I haven't named him anywhere outside of facebook. It's just a warning. So, if we could lay off me - who, let's just remind you - is £500 down, having to start a criminal prosecution, lost what she thought was a friend, and also happily had this sleezebag in my bed whilst he was filching cash from me (which is a whole new level of why he needs professional help) - then that would be really nice. 

Don't get me wrong, this has all been incredibly humiliating, but I need to keep posting about it, and need people to talk about it and keep it going so that he doesn't think he can get away with it. The police can deal with getting the money back, but you guys need to help me deal with making sure he is a persona non-grata.


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## Yakatori (Jun 5, 2012)

Ample Pie said:


> "_...Dims isn't a place where fat women should feel safe and, you know, just like people. It's a place where they can feel slobbered over or like shit because they are the wrong kind of fat...Sorry, but them's the breaks here in DimVille._"


And what of us Ass-hats? Are we not people too?



Scrumptious_voluptuous said:


> "_It is a police matter. They have been contacted._


Good for you, then, regardless of what your motivations may be. Because there are a lot of people who, in these types of situations, would find it easier not to completely follow-through. And, to a certain extent, you have to see how the person who did this is ultimately, sort of, dependent on that dynamic.



Scrumptious_voluptuous said:


> "_...He has been *'borrowing' *money from several girls on here for months now. It was only because I posted about having money *stolen* that it all came to light...The thing about this is *he's not denying it.* He knows he's done wrong, and yet I seem to be getting hassle just for trying to warn other girls about this. It isn't a name and shame excersise. I haven't named him anywhere outside of facebook. *It's just a warning.* So, if we could lay off me...but I need to keep posting about it, and need people to talk about it and keep it going so that he doesn't think he can get away with it. The police can deal with getting the money back, but *you guys need to help me deal with making sure he is a persona non-grata.*_"


Well, hopefully, we now all see why you were, quite properly, a bit oblique as to some of the exact details. So, suffice it to say that, absent of explicitly naming an actual suspect by name, the relevant detail is that a person known both to you and many others on this board, originally known to many of us only through introduction through this board, a person that you ultimately came to trust-somewhat, is now at least partly the subject of a police-investigation as it relates to a suspected crime against you. And now, it seems, others on this board.

And that, for that, this person should now be removed from the board.



Mathias said:


> "_If I know I'm going to be having drinks somewhere, I use cash every time._"





Scrumptious_voluptuous said:


> "_..At least, as a card fraud, I have more of a case against him which I wouldn't have done with cash. The police can see the CCTV etc._


Eh, I think it's six of one, half dozen the other: I mean, if you're known to carry cash, you make a better target for being mugged or robbed. This is partly why, I think, some folks would prefer to rely on their cards. But I, personally, would willingly assume that risk in lieu of having all of my billing info made-available at some of the watering-holes I used to frequent. As for the pin #; if someone's determined-enough to get at it (and use it as soon as they get a hold of it); especially if they're in an intimate & ongoing, close relationship with you; it's just a matter of time. There are just so many ways it can be "surfed." Of course, if you monitor your balances closely, it's also just as easy to catch someone. And I think the most careful and skilled thieves tend to sniff-out this quality in people, so as to avoid them.


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## vardon_grip (Jun 5, 2012)

prairiegirl said:


> Can I just remind everybody that Goddess Patty has done the same thing? She has taken money from individuals without providing the dvds that were paid for.



There was a short discussion a while back about Patty. It was shut down fairly fast and handled in the same "not a board issue/matter" manner.

I don't understand why we can't discuss these issues here. It seems actual crimes are being committed BY BOARD MEMBERS against BOARD MEMBERS and yet, these things aren't board matters? We can discuss Trayvon, Sandusky and Romney for days, but not crimes that happen to people we know? That's very disappointing.


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## vardon_grip (Jun 5, 2012)

prairiegirl said:


> Problem is that Patty was allowed to continue to advertise her products on the website despite ripping an indiviudal off.



Yes. Like I said earlier, it is disappointing.


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## missy_blue_eyez (Jun 5, 2012)

As a female whom actively uses these communities and interacts with people from them on an online level and an in real life level I think it is extremely important that these things are made known through the communities in which they exist.

By making them known to all means that this could stop it happening to somebody else......

And I'm sure if it had happened to someone you loved you would want to make others aware of the dangers that these situations can bring. This isn't just a 'lets witch-hunt' somebody discussion, this is a stark reminder that it doesn't matter how well you think you know somebody you can never be too careful. 

An I am so angry at those of you who have pretty much intimated that the OP deserved this! How dare you!

I don't drive, I use public transport all the time, and because of this I NEVER carry more than about £10 worth of cash on me because I don't want to make myself a 'target'. I regularly use my cards to make transactions. You don't assume that somebody you are out having a drink with is going to be looking over your shoulder, memorising your details ready to do a runner with your card and clear your account as soon as they get the opportunity! So I think the 'serves you right' attitude needs to go! Not cool!

Think about it.....


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## Wild Zero (Jun 5, 2012)

prairiegirl said:


> Problem is that Patty was allowed to continue to advertise her products on the website despite ripping an indiviudal off.



It is seriously the CUTEST thing in the world that you let your fiancee sockpuppet your account to continue the Patty crusade (a crusade I don't believe he ever provided evidence for) he was banned for. 

Stay gold, prairiegirl, stay gold.


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## Wild Zero (Jun 5, 2012)

And scrumptious, I certainly hope that in sharing what this scumbag did to you encourages others who might have been scammed by him to speak out here or to the authorities.


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## prairiegirl (Jun 5, 2012)

Wild Zero said:


> It is seriously the CUTEST thing in the world that you let your fiancee sockpuppet your account to continue the Patty crusade (a crusade I don't believe he ever provided evidence for) he was banned for.
> 
> Stay gold, prairiegirl, stay gold.



Evidence was provided on multiple occasions but post were deleted. Admission by Patty was also confirmed on a blog run by a former Dims poster. Sad to see Wild Zero you are ok with one scam but not another.


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## Emma (Jun 5, 2012)

I know who it is and I really don't care if I get banned anyway. 

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/member.php?u=27356 looks like hes been logged in today too. 

Probably been reading the thread and seeing what people think of him. *waves*


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## Giraffes?Giraffes! (Jun 5, 2012)

Surlysomething said:


> I wouldn't let anyone know my card number unless it was family for an emergency.
> 
> I'm mind-boggled how trusting people are with their money.



You're not reading what she wrote. He watched her pay for things with her debit card multiple times throughout the night and memorized her PIN with the intention of robbing her later. 

She presumed she was with friends and perhaps did not hunch over each payment authorization and obscure it totally from view, but who does? 

Every subsequent whiff of blame-the-victim I get from this thread makes me increasingly enraged and incredulous.


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## Tracyarts (Jun 5, 2012)

" Every subsequent whiff of blame-the-victim I get from this thread makes me increasingly enraged and incredulous. "

Yes, it does, but I'm not surprised. There is a long history of blaming, negating, and even censoring victims who have been preyed upon or otherwise wronged within the "community". 

But to be completely fair, this same thing has happened in other "communities" I have been a part of. I think it's just part of the the group dynamic to want so badly to feel part of something safe and communal. That doesn't make it right, but it does explain why I have encountered it so many times, in groups that have nothing to do with each other.

Tracy


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## Cors (Jun 5, 2012)

Scrumptious, I am so sorry and incensed that this has happened to you! 

The fact that other girls have come forward about him shows you did the right thing by sharing this here, even though you did not out him explicitly. You posted with class, dignity and grace one could muster under these circumstances and did not deserve the lack of sympathy and lectures. People, she is going to be on her guard for a long time to come and it is horrible feeling like you can't trust people because most of them are not dishonest, manipulative scumbags. 

I hope you manage to recover your money!


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## Surlysomething (Jun 5, 2012)

Giraffes?Giraffes! said:


> You're not reading what she wrote. He watched her pay for things with her debit card multiple times throughout the night and memorized her PIN with the intention of robbing her later.
> 
> She presumed she was with friends and perhaps did not hunch over each payment authorization and obscure it totally from view, but who does?
> 
> Every subsequent whiff of blame-the-victim I get from this thread makes me increasingly enraged and incredulous.



Seriously? "She presumed". And not that i'm condoning what he did, but come on. She should take some responsibility here. One night standing with someone and being careless with her own financial security is not something I feel all that bad about. Should people be aware that there's a creep out there? Sure. But there are MANY and I think the only way to spare yourself any agony over people you don't know well is to be cautious. Take care of yourself, first and foremost, always.


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## vardon_grip (Jun 5, 2012)

Wild Zero said:


> It is seriously the CUTEST thing in the world that you let your fiancee sockpuppet your account to continue the Patty crusade (a crusade I don't believe he ever provided evidence for) he was banned for.
> 
> Stay gold, prairiegirl, stay gold.





prairiegirl said:


> Evidence was provided on multiple occasions but post were deleted. Admission by Patty was also confirmed on a blog run by a former Dims poster. Sad to see Wild Zero you are ok with one scam but not another.



I don't know if this is referring to the same customer. 
I saw screen caps of emails sent by Patty. By her own admission, she says she didn't fulfill and send a $200 order of DVD's. After almost a year of trying to get the order this guy had paid for, she hadn't filled the order. She then got angry at the badgering to fill the order. I don't believe the customer ever got his order. In my book that's stealing.

This subject is related to this thread. Obviously, Dimensions can't stop fraud, theft or any other crimes, but it would be nice to know that this place we call a "community" actually acts like one and makes an attempt to look out for its members. 

At the very least, Dimensions doesn't need to give the thieves a place to do their business.


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## WannabePrincess (Jun 5, 2012)

I'm sorry but this blaming the victim mentality is why so many people are afraid of coming forward and reporting crimes.

Although it is to a different extreme, it is like saying it is a girls fault she got raped because she wore a short skirt, or was dressed like a 'slut'. 

At the end of the day we should be entitled to go about our daily lives without risk of being made the victim of a crime.

My understanding is that this WASN'T A one night stand - she had met him before on a night out, saw him this night and was in touch after that, for all we know to make plans again... There is nothing wrong with that, nor would there be anything wrong with her meeting up with him for any other reason that she chose.

He is someone that is known, has attended numerous UK events and is friends with many people in this 'scene'. It is like meeting a friend of a friend, you would assume you can trust them.

It isn't like she left wads of cash lying around and he saw his opportunity and took it. He purposely memorised her pin number, went to the cash point on two separate occasions, on two separate days to take out money from her account. That isn't the moment getting the better of him, or him just seeing a way out - he thought out what he was doing and thought it was such a good idea he did it twice.

There is no one to blame other than him for thinking it would be ok to take someone's money!


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## Diana_Prince245 (Jun 5, 2012)

Surlysomething said:


> I wouldn't let anyone know my card number unless it was family for an emergency.
> 
> I'm mind-boggled how trusting people are with their money.



Surly, you're out of line this time. She didn't let him know her card number. He memorized it without her knowing. It's really easy to get superior and think much smarter one is than the victim of a crime. It makes us feel safe in an "I'm too smart to have some man steal from me" kind of way. It also makes us look like crappy human beings when we're not.


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## LeoGibson (Jun 5, 2012)

I personally don't feel like the OP has been blamed for this as much as admonished to take responsibility for her carelessness and learn from it. Anytime you get scammed it could have been avoided with a little common sense and some slight precautions. Myself personally, I have people ive known for over 20 years that I wouldn't punch my pin in front of without hiding it. Not tha I don't trust them per se, but good fences make good neighbors and locks keep honest folks honest. When it comes to money I trust my wife and I give nobody else a shot at it. Any good carnie will tell you they go broke trying to get money out of most folks, they gotta have a rube in order to earn. Just some food for thought.

On a side note I wish the OP well and hope she recovers her money and that this scum gets fully prosecuted and punished harshly enough that he doesn't do this to another lady. Good for you for outing the thief.


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## Gingembre (Jun 5, 2012)

Scrumptious, this is such an awful thing to happen. I'm really sorry and I hope you get your money back soon. I know if it was me, I would probably find the feeling of betrayal the hardest to get over.

To some people, this will make me sounds naive/foolish/stupid but I am surprised by the number of people here who guard their PIN numbers so closely. In the bar where I work, we're not allowed to carry cash, so few of us make a point of having some on us. If someone's on a break and runs to the shop, or if we're buying a round of drinks, we regularly hand over our cards and PIN numbers to each other. None of them would steal from me. I would never steal from them. I wouldn't hand those details over to someone I was dating (not in the early days anyway), or all my friends, but I wouldn't be super guarded when I punched my number in because I wouldn't believe they would steal from me and I like to live my life assuming that most people are good people. I don't think knowing my PIN should be an invitation to steal my card and then rob me, or that the fault would be mine if someone did. I would be devastated if someone I thought was a friend stole from me, because they broke my trust rather than because they took my money.


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## truebebeblue (Jun 5, 2012)

Would still be just as shitty of him if he stole cash or jewelry she left around or snuck off with her car when she was in the shower so saying she was careless is just trying to blame her as well, stop it. Just stop it.
This is someone she was intimate with and liked,I am sure the sense of betrayal is huge. It was premeditated and planned which is just disgusting.
He is the only person at fault.


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## KHayes666 (Jun 5, 2012)

Some people on this thread want to make me out to be a monster and a REAL monster just got caught.

I am so sorry this happened to the OP because she did NOT deserve it. The guy watched her pin number, it wasn't like she gave it out. Some people need to learn some compassion. She trusted him with her heart and apparently he was scamming others as well. That is the definition of a scumbag.

This guy also has taken shots at me in the past and even though he may never show his face around here again, just would like to point out I've never stolen anything in my life. I was raised by my parents to earn everything I have and never to steal, those are my morals and its obvious you have none. Like I said on another media outlet, who's the REAL demon here?


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## Giraffes?Giraffes! (Jun 5, 2012)

Seriously, this is one of those moments when you have to choose between committing to an outraged screed or just shaking your head, ignoring the thing entirely, and stewing in reaffirmation of this board's considerable population of cruel, stubborn, myopic people. 

Yet I'll try to shoot the gap.

Nothing in the outpouring of support the OP has received here or on facebook has precluded the ancillary conclusion that "maybe she should have been more careful". That point is obvious- and no more obvious to anyone than the OP herself. It does not need to be stated, much less self-righteously harped upon by the reflexively meanspirited and negative.

It's also important to reaffirm that even carelessness on the part of the victim (and I do NOT think the OP's actions as described thus far constitute carelessness by any means) does not excuse, to even the slightest degree, any criminal act. The criminal is responsible for their actions- not the victim. If you don't believe that, I feel bad for you and pray you are not yourself deceived or injured one day by somebody you trust.

Which bears mentioning- keep in mind also that this was not some hookup in a bar. This was a member of OUR community. While he has since disappeared into the cowardly ether, he was until earlier today a contributing user with a completed profile, posting history, and network of relationships. To the security-minded, it means he was fast tracked for clearance. He was waved through on our collective vouching. That makes it a board issue to be investigated and not dismissed as he said/she said or digressed from onto other topics (I'm very sorry to whoever is still waiting for their DVDs or whatever.)

And for the bitter souls tsk-tsk'ing the OP about how she ought to have been more careful and expressing "hope" that she's "learned something", rest assured that she has. Wounds heal over with scar tissue. She'll most assuredly be more apprehensive and less open to new people in the future, as we all would be after such a betrayal. Personally, I wouldn't call that a thing to celebrate. Blaming a person for not being a fortress of preemptive suspicion is bitter meanness masquerading as rational wisdom. When that becomes the threshold we hold people to, we will live in a very sad world indeed.

But more than anything, this: We are in fact a community, and as such, when one of us is injured or victimized, we don't cast dispersion. We circle the wagons. We had a predator in our midst- that's the story. Nothing else. It profits nobody to contort ourselves into some tortured logic by which the injured party is somehow to blame. Either show your support or say nothing.


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## EMH1701 (Jun 5, 2012)

Do not trust anyone completely with money matters unless they are a blood relative or you are married to them. I have learned this the hard way.


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## Giraffes?Giraffes! (Jun 5, 2012)

EMH1701 said:


> Do not trust anyone completely with money matters unless they are a blood relative or you are married to them. I have learned this the hard way.



I fear the train has gone off the rails. A gentle reminder: 

Nobody trusted anybody with money matters. A guy premeditated bank fraud and theft by memorizing her PIN code (and I don't think it's unreasonable to trust people to the extent that you DON'T ask them to go to the other side of the bar when you're paying your tab. That would make for some very awkward dates.) 

It's analogous to somebody staking out your house for a few days and taking note that there's a hide-a-key under a plant or a rock that guests or friends sometimes use, and then using that knowledge to rob your house. Is the victim "trusting" the robber with his or her keys (or house) in this instance? No. In both instances, it's purely theft. 

I hope this guy is prosecuted and look forward to hearing confirmation that he has been.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jun 5, 2012)

Ugh. This whole situation is just... ugh. 



Ashley said:


> She didn't give him her PIN, and I don't think we can place any blame on her just because she used her debit card instead of cash. That's ludicrous. The only mistake she made here was assuming that a friend of a friend wasn't going to fuck her over. The blame lays squarely with the person who stole from her.



^^ This. 



Ample Pie said:


> It's both.



Yes. This is both a police matter (which scrumptious has already handled) AND a board matter. One board member committed a crime against another, and has fully admitted publicly that he did so. I do genuinely believe he is sorry that he did it, but I do think the victim has the right to warn others.



Surlysomething said:


> I wouldn't let anyone know my card number unless it was family for an emergency.
> 
> I'm mind-boggled how trusting people are with their money.



:huh:



Giraffes?Giraffes! said:


> You're not reading what she wrote. He watched her pay for things with her debit card multiple times throughout the night and memorized her PIN with the intention of robbing her later.
> 
> She presumed she was with friends and perhaps did not hunch over each payment authorization and obscure it totally from view, but who does?
> 
> Every subsequent whiff of blame-the-victim I get from this thread makes me increasingly enraged and incredulous.



Exactly this. 



Giraffes?Giraffes! said:


> Blaming a person for not being a fortress of preemptive suspicion is bitter meanness masquerading as rational wisdom.



Very well said.


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## Webmaster (Jun 5, 2012)

mango said:


> *Wrong.*



Wrong only if you really enjoy gossip and drama. This is a police matter. If we let everyone who has been wronged in a relationship vent here, we'd have nothing but. It's most unfortunate that someone was taken advantage this way, but this is something for the authorities to handle, not us.


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