# How do you deal with friends making fun of big girls?



## germanfa91 (Feb 23, 2012)

Hey folks,
I think almost everyone on here has been/will be in that situation:
You're among friends and as soon as it comes to talking about big girls (e.g. one is shown on TV or walking by), somebody would start making fun of her or even insult her and everybody would laughing. How do you react?
As I'm a pretty shy guy, I usually don't say anything, but I'm the only one who would not laugh on these "jokes". Anyway, I think there are better ways to deal with situations like these so this is why I'm asking you that question.

Thanks for your answers


----------



## Webmaster (Feb 24, 2012)

germanfa91 said:


> Hey folks,
> I think almost everyone on here has been/will be in that situation:
> You're among friends and as soon as it comes to talking about big girls (e.g. one is shown on TV or walking by), somebody would start making fun of her or even insult her and everybody would laughing. How do you react?
> As I'm a pretty shy guy, I usually don't say anything, but I'm the only one who would not laugh on these "jokes". Anyway, I think there are better ways to deal with situations like these so this is why I'm asking you that question.
> ...



It depends on the situation. If it's a frat house atmosphere and an inebriated crowd, it may be best to simply seek other circles to hang with. In more mature settings, a simple "I happen to _like_ fat women" or some such may be enough to move things in a different direction. In some settings, a discussion or debate may ensue. As an FA, you eventually learn when its's time to speak up and make your preference an issue, and when taking a stand would serve no purpose. Kommt halt immer drauf an.


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 24, 2012)

I don't have shallow friends.

What would be the point in that?


----------



## bmann0413 (Feb 26, 2012)

Unfortunately, I have a friend like that. Normally, I ignore him because... well, he's a asshole anyways. But I do step in and say something when he starts to take it too far.


----------



## MadLordOfMilk (Feb 26, 2012)

It depends on the joke and on the situation, really.

If I'm among friends (most of whom already know I'm an FA), if anything like that comes up in conversation, it tends to be lighthearted/joking rather than brutal or mean. I tend to insert something like "hey, _I'd_ tap that. Just sayin'." which tends to lead to more laughter/etc.

However, there's a difference between "friends joking around" and people being just outright mean or rude. The line is also pretty blurry and easy to accidentally step over, and it's in a different spot for everyone. Obviously if you're mocking a stranger rather than poking fun at a friend or something on TV, you've almost _guaranteedly _crossed that line. In that situation, responding "hey, don't be a dick" tends to get the point across pretty firmly.


----------



## paperman921 (Mar 26, 2012)

Depending on the situation I usually respond with some like, "I don't know, I thought she was cute" or something like that, at least so they know I don't think their joke was funny.


----------



## pjbbwlvr (Mar 27, 2012)

My friends know that I adore women of all sizes so if they ever felt a need to make a despairing comment they refrain. But if I am around someone of less intellect and they make a comment about women of size I usual say to them have you looked in the mirror lately, what makes you such a prize package. This always seems to work because the person usually shuts up and, everyone is self conscious of how they look and how other people see them.


----------



## rickydaniels (Mar 27, 2012)

My usual response is; "why do you care" or "so what"


----------



## MissAshley (Mar 27, 2012)

Tons of people I know make fun of fat people all the time. I will sometimes say something like "That's mean." They don't care much.


----------



## Nordiques (Mar 27, 2012)

I agree that it's situational.

There are serious situations (a specific person, or a close friend talking to you privately) where it's appropriate to have a discussion about these issues, provided you're respectful of other people. I've talked to friends about it one-on-one where we really talked about the issue.

A situation like you describe, in a group that's making comments that they probably think are harmless, you can always say something like "I thought she was attractive/pretty/cute/whatever" or even "I prefer women like that." Your friends, provided they are really friends, will respect that.


----------



## HeavyDuty24 (Mar 28, 2012)

I had a freind that used to do it, i tore into him about it, he looked all surprised. There's a reason we are no longer freinds.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Mar 28, 2012)

My mother used to make them about a guy I was seeing and I told her to cut it out. Strangely enough the only jokes I can tolerate are the "Yo' Mama's so ____________," jokes because it's become it's own twisted artform that is widely recognized as being only in jest. REAL malicious talk generally irritates me though and I either speak up or cross them off my list of friends.


----------



## Forgotten_Futures (Mar 29, 2012)

Honestly I mostly just ignore it. Haters gonna hate. Short of "rearranging" their "perceptions", there isn't much I can do about it.


----------



## CastingPearls (Mar 29, 2012)

People who make fun of fat don't get to have me as their friend.


----------



## Kenster102.5 (Apr 3, 2012)

I would say "I am happy right now, you can't take that away from me, if you get girlfriend and I were to make fun of her you would kick the crap out of me, come on lets not get into a fight, we are friends right?"


----------



## BigFA (Apr 3, 2012)

I will often say "There is nothing wrong with being fat. I'm fat. And 70% of American adults are overweight or obese so what's the big deal! And besides I love big, beautiful women!" That usually shuts them up.


----------



## Captain Save (Apr 6, 2012)

When I was much younger and dating often, guys I knew who said such things were usually spending a lot less time with the ladies than I was, so a sharp remark ("You dickbeatin bastards mad at me for being MIA this past weekend? HAHAHAHA!") was enough to derail that train of thought. 

These days, as soon as I hear a juvenile twentysomething at work describe an attractive large woman in her forties as fat, old and ugly, I'll bluntly ask questions about her that don't leave a lot of room for misunderstanding my interest in her. It never pans out; she's usually married or otherwise unsuitable for my company, but they get the point: their aversion to the woman doesn't mean she's physically unattractive.


----------



## NewfieGal (Apr 6, 2012)

I make people feel silly or stupid, I love the older ones who say well my dear your some fat aint ya... so I look at them and look up and down at myself and tell them OMG i didn't realize it thank you so much for bring it to my attention and I usually walk away laughing... you cannot stop the worlds ignorance but I choose not to let their opinions bother me, as the only opinions I care about are from the people I care about


----------



## Jack Secret (Apr 12, 2012)

CastingPearls said:


> People who make fun of fat don't get to have me as their friend.



And that would be one hell of a loss!


----------



## KHayes666 (Apr 21, 2012)

My friends used to say the girls I liked were "Hayes Specials" because of their size. Then I countered by saying "Yeah, if you want make fun of me for having sex with women be my guest they just happen to be larger than yours.....if you even have one." That pretty much put a stop to their taunting.

Even now if someone wants to make fun of my friends or Renee I bring up the fact they got nothing. Works everytime


----------



## Dromond (May 1, 2012)

Surlysomething said:


> I don't have shallow friends.
> 
> What would be the point in that?



Word that.


----------



## Jim Miller (May 1, 2012)

I either don't have friends who make fun of fat people, or don't have friends who are fool enough to make fun of fat people where I can find out about it. Mostly the former, I assume.

Seriously, it hasn't come up in years. A great way to avoid bigots is not to be friends with them.

The closest problem that does tend to happen is that I have had several female friends (and one male one) who suffered from body image issues because of society's well-known attitudes toward fat people. Sometimes their self-hatred could rise to the level of bigotry. I have usually tried to respond by just being a good friend, you know? Listening, being supportive, and encouraging them to build their self-esteem, pursue their ambitions, and confront their troubles. That sort of thing. The fat-hate was usually secondary and diminished in the face of a more positive self-image and worldview.


----------



## StickMan (May 11, 2012)

I've been lucky. None of my friends have ever really made fun of big girls (or big guys, for that matter) other than a certain ex, whose weight was only ever brought up in contrast to mine. (Seeing as she was mid-sized when we dated and a legitimate BBW now, and I'm what you might call...sparse.) any fat jokes aimed at her were only meant in a "oh look how mismatched those two were, isn't it hilarious" kind of way.

If they did I'm not sure how I'd react to it. I've seen fat-shaming elsewhere (including from a different ex, aimed at the above ex. Misplaced jealousy is a wonderful thing, isn't it?) but I've never been in a position to confront the one responsible.


----------



## Tracii (May 11, 2012)

A couple of years ago I was waiting for my BF to pick me up at work for a dinner date and the co-worker(always make snide fat comments) I was chatting with took notice of a guy walking down the street and said look at that big guy you two would look good together.
I said yeah he is kinda cute but not my style.I like taller guys.
She said I figured you are pretty big and thought big girls dated big guys.
I said I look for the person on the inside not whats on the outside.
She agreed personality was the most important thing.
My BF pulled and got out of his car and started walking thru the lot.
She said wow that older guy is soo handsome nice suit too very classy.
I said yeah he is gorgeous you ought to see him naked, well I gotta go TTYL.
The look on her face was priceless.


----------



## omr (May 13, 2012)

My experience leads me to believe that your question is part of a larger spectrum.

I mean, if I just answered how I respond in that particular situation, I would smile and disagree with whomever said those comments. "Are you kidding? I like X. *Discussion*"

However, my anecdotal experiences on the other side of this question leads me to believe that its hard to address the question if it's only phrased as making fun of fat people.

The most drastic example I have is when a creative project I was modeling in was leaked and became a viral picture online. Many discussion boards put up the pictures as eyecandy and people would discuss the merits of every girl in the picture. Some folks derided every girl but the underweight one as being too fat. Other folks explained that they'd rather do everyone *but* the underweight girl. Everyone discussed the merits of the beauty and the possibly sexual pleasure and sexual positions you'd get with every girl.

I wasn't surprised. I've been getting objectified crap thrown at me often. But the men -- and I mean, particularly the men -- involved on the creative side of the project were shocked. They'd participated in that sort of discussion online before, but these were objectifying statements about the sexual merits and bodies of their friends.

Most of the people on the project were so shocked by seeing the connection between casual conversation and the dismissive, judgmental, objectifying comments about people they care about that they now often remember that when they get into those objectifying conversations. Remembering that you're talking about our friends and family doesn't stop the social push to objectify, but being a person that remembers and thinks before speaking is, I think, the first step to respecting the people around you. Doesn't matter if it's someone quickly deriding a stranger for their weight as if their mouth is on autopilot or if it's just a long discussion of someone as if they're only a body or sexual object. And as you can see from my first response to your question, even I find myself in positions where I'd naturally discuss people as objects. I just recognize it, try to point it out in myself and others, and try to mitigate the societal effects of it.

Thanks for caring about the people who are being called out and derided for their bodies.


----------



## Weirdo890 (May 17, 2012)

I don't have friends who do that, and if I did, we wouldn't be friends any longer.


----------



## The Fat Man (May 18, 2012)

I take it with a grain of salt really. My close close core group of friends know the kind of girl a tend towards, they still give me shit about it in a fun "dude" kind of way. It never really bothers me. Some people have preconceived notions or habits or social norms the have a hard time breaking. I'm trying to just put it out there that I like big girls... if one of my buddies wants to bust my chops a little I'd never dream of getting all pissed off. They aren't being malicious they're just being guys. We talk crap to each other all the time. I'm always ragging on one of my friends that goes for the plastic Barbie doll type over and over again... a type of girl that physically does absolutely nothing for me but I respect that he likes what he likes but I'll still give him shit about it. That's just guys. 

"F' you man, lolz... btw I <3 you dude, I wanna' see what's best for you." *punch in the shoulder*

If I truly don't want it to be a big deal, a complete non-issue that I like big girls... why should I make it one around my buddies?


----------



## RabbitScorpion (May 21, 2012)

If they do it too much, I make them former friends.


----------



## Critters (May 25, 2012)

I had to call out a family member over her attitude about fat people. My mother. Which really disappointed me, because I'm not skinny anymore myself. She often made comments, upon seeing a large person out in public or on TV, that they were disgusting, that they should be ashamed to have 'let themselves get like that', that they had to be spectacular gluttons and totally lazy. 
I finally said to her that she didn't know them, didn't know why they were big. I said that it would be just as easy for someone to pass such ignorant judgements about me, not knowing that I have to take a certain medication that has totally screwed up my metabolism and that there's a reason I'm heavier than average now. I told her that it disappointed me and hurt me that she held those attitudes and that it made me feel ashamed of her when she showed her ignorance like that.. after all, she should know better. I said that I found it just as sad and shocking and wrong as if she had made a racist comment.

She seems to have taken it to heart, since she hasn't made an ugly remark about a fat person around me or within my hearing since I called her out on her bad behaviour all those years ago. That said, I've never 'come out' as someone who prefers fat men to her, and since I'm currently single, feel no real urge to do so. If I find a wonderful fat fellow with whom to share my life, I'll tell her, but until then I'm fine with letting that particular sleeping dog lie for now.


----------



## white_shinobi (Jun 2, 2012)

I usually just remind them of my attraction to big girls and they usually change the subject on their own.


----------



## ClashCityRocker (Jun 3, 2012)

i ask them if they've ever been with a big girl. the answer is almost always no, at which i laugh hysterically and call them ignorant for hating on something about which they know NOTHING. media is a powerful thing i guess.


----------



## Big Cutie Brianna (Jun 5, 2012)

Nordiques said:


> I agree that it's situational.
> 
> There are serious situations (a specific person, or a close friend talking to you privately) where it's appropriate to have a discussion about these issues, provided you're respectful of other people. I've talked to friends about it one-on-one where we really talked about the issue.
> 
> A situation like you describe, in a group that's making comments that they probably think are harmless, you can always say something like "I thought she was attractive/pretty/cute/whatever" or even "I prefer women like that." Your friends, provided they are really friends, will respect that.



totally if they are REALLY your friends, they will respect you, and not make rude comments around you sweetie, I know myself, when my friends talk about others at times, maybe racial comments towards other ethnicities, i call them out right away, and ask them not to, or say, "You know that's really rude, i don't appreciate hearing that, and i'm not going to stay around, if i have to continue listening to you express your rude distaste for certain people. thanks."..
and people/friends usually stop. some haven't, hence, i'm not friends with them anymore. but you always have a choice, leave if your uncomfortable, and don't like it, or have them handle it, OR just sit there, cause you're too afraid to say something. Do the right thing sweetie


----------



## Falling Boy (Jun 6, 2012)

I "had" a friend like this. He also knew that my wife (now ex) was a big girl. I found it completely disrespectful and told him on several occasion. That was 7 years ago and we haven't talked since. I think that's probably the best way to deal with it lol


----------



## germanfa91 (Jun 9, 2012)

First of all, thanks everybody for your answers 

In the meantime, I found the courage to come out of that FA closet and since then, no more rude comments were made, at least I didn't notice any. Nice to see that simply telling the truth turned out to be good way, and that my friends are not the dicks some people on here may have thought they were


----------



## Blockierer (Jun 17, 2012)

germanfa91 said:


> First of all, thanks everybody for your answers
> 
> In the meantime, I found the courage to come out of that FA closet and since then, no more rude comments were made, at least I didn't notice any. Nice to see that simply telling the truth turned out to be good way, and that my friends are not the dicks some people on here may have thought they were


Congratulations.
I think it's stupid not to admit a preference for fat people. As an avowed FA life is more easier than a life in the closet.


----------



## YoJoshua (Jun 17, 2012)

I sometimes go over the top, saying, "Whaaaaat??? I LOVVVVE big girls, man! BIG belly, BIG ass, BIG mutherf--kin' thighs, WOAH NELLY, baby! You don't like 'em? More for me, man - BRING IT! You ever check out big girls on YouTube? Hundreds of thousands of red-blooded men can't be wrong! Stick is for the dog, meat is for the man!"

And so on.

But like C said, depends on the situation.


----------

