# Feederism;misguided or misunderstood?



## GoldenDelicious (Oct 15, 2008)

Being new to Dimensions I have found many of the threads and people extremely interesting. It has thrown up many questions for me, some of which have been enlightening and some uncomfortable. Attitudes of others have been sometimes extreme particularly when it comes to feeders. Some people are so flagrantly against them and it begs the question are they misguided people who don't know or care about their partners health or are they misunderstood individuals who have been badly portrayed in documentaries, films etc?

I recently had a bit of debate with a feeder on another forum (not about feederism initially) and asked him to explain his views and said some of the following:

It's not something I understand or agree with but I do not know or understand enough about it to make what I would call a reasonable argument against it other than to say there are health implications. I know you say that you hear people going on about it but I have studied health and I know the health implications against being fat. I am an ssbbw (probably the smaller end of ss) and I know that my general health and wellbeing feels better when I am a little lighter. What worries me about feederism is what if a vulnerable person would be carried away with pleasing a feeder to the detriment of their own health? I am not even talking abusive feeder or suggesting that feeders are generally abusive but there have been cases where feeders have been partly responsible for disabling another person. I have seen a documentary about a guy who fed and fed his wife until she was so big she couldn't get out of bed or do anything for herself. He ended up like a carer, washing her and doing everything. He got excited by her thickened flesh that had become like leather from the chafing and seemed aroused when rubbing moisturiser in to her inner thighs. That's just abuse, not rubbing the cream in, just the concept that her skin has thickened due to chafing. 

I am lead to believe that feederism is not about that for most feeders but I would like a feeder who is not like this guy in the documentary to explain to me the fetish/prediliction. Even if there is no intent to make someone so big that they become disabled, would they/do they really understand how and when a person is becoming dangerously overweight? I mean, you can't feel if your partners joints are sore or if their heart is being put under stress. I know this might have been said before and you (or other feeders) might have experienced abuse or ignorance and the documentary I watched was definately portraying it against feederism.

I understand this is a very personal question and if you do not want to explain your feelings or activities then I respect this. I mean I wonder things like, is it your sexuality? Do you see a woman/man a certain size and imagine her/him bigger then get around to suggesting he/she would be hotter if she/he were larger? Or do you seek feedees who want to gain with a partner? Or is it a fantasy? Do you like to see people eating and getting fatter over time in a relationship with you? How do you live this life?

Like I said I am an ssbbw and my girlfriend is an FA. When she admitted to me she was into this I was worried that if I lost weight she would not want to be with me. Now that we are in a relationship she has said that she wouldn't mind if I were a bit smaller but she has told me that she would fancy me less under a specific dress size that I have agreed I do not want to be smaller than any way so it has worked out well for us. But what about other relationships? If you were in a relationship with someone who refused to gain and they weren't big enough for you, would you dump them?

I am genuinely interested and not being trollish or trying to provoke a flame war.

Is a feeder merely a nurturing person who takes pleasure out of seeing a food lover getting pleasure out of food? This could be like a jewish/italian/spanish mother who gets gratification from nurturing her kin.

Is there more a sexual gratification from watching someone grow?

Do feeders want their partners to get fatter and not be able to go anywhere? are they insecure and want to disable their partners into being reliant on them?

so many questions. I genuinely want to know people for and against this and to understand this very lesser spoken almost taboo sub culture within dimensions.


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## Dibaby35 (Oct 15, 2008)

I don't really know that much either about feederism. My feeling is everything is fine as long as it doesn't get extreme. I think the ones that get extreme do it in part to control the other person. Which in my book..is abuse. Sorry just the way I feel.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 15, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Being new to Dimensions I have found many of the threads and people extremely interesting. It has thrown up many questions for me, some of which have been enlightening and some uncomfortable. Attitudes of others have been sometimes extreme particularly when it comes to feeders. Some people are so flagrantly against them and it begs the question are they misguided people who don't know or care about their partners health or are they misunderstood individuals who have been badly portrayed in documentaries, films etc?
> 
> I recently had a bit of debate with a feeder on another forum (not about feederism initially) and asked him to explain his views and said some of the following:
> 
> ...



The answer to all of your questions is yes. Feederism manifests itself in different degrees in everybody, from mild to rediculous. You've got your closet case, your casual observers, your rabid adipose whore, your deviant psycopath, etc. just like you do with run of the mill vanilla sex. You've got your respectable folks and your crab infested perv all sharing the same desire for missionary sex with the lights off. Sex can be wonderful and it can be horrible too depending on who you are and who you ask.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 15, 2008)

Dibaby35 said:


> I don't really know that much either about feederism. My feeling is everything is fine as long as it doesn't get extreme. I think the ones that get extreme do it in part to control the other person. Which in my book..is abuse. Sorry just the way I feel.


Thanks dibaby, I feel the same. I don't know but I hope for more responses from actual feeders to see what they think and give them a voice. I agree with Lilly too there are good and bad in everyone but I've never got an actual feeders explanation or opinion. It will be interesting to watch this space.


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## stan_der_man (Oct 15, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> The answer to all of your questions is yes. Feederism manifests itself in different degrees in everybody, from mild to rediculous. You've got your closet case, your casual observers, your rabid adipose whore, your deviant psycopath, etc. just like you do with run of the mill vanilla sex. You've got your respectable folks and your crab infested perv all sharing the same desire for missionary sex with the lights off. Sex can be wonderful and it can be horrible too depending on who you are and who you ask.



Agreed Lilly! I think "feederism" is just a label that has gotten a bad name, and in many ways undeservingly so. If your Italian grandmother encourages to eat (manga manga... you look a too skinny...), is she a feeder monster? Of course not. If a guy encourages a girl to eat some chocolates with him and shares a romantic moment with her, is that bad? I don't think so. It is all about ones overall intentions in my opinion.

Also, somewhat relating to "feederism"... I always wonder to myself if encouraging a body aesthetic whether it be fat or thin is a good thing if potential adverse health issues factor in when one attempts (or encourages another) to change their body size for sexual preference reasons. I sometimes think fat acceptance often manifests itself as "fat advocacy" (i.e. encouraging the fat aesthetic...) It really doesn't matter in my opinion, unless one is taking risks with their health (or promoting the taking of risks with someone else's health...) which frankly I think is foolish in the long run.


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## Haunted (Oct 15, 2008)

I believe myself to be along the lines of a nurturing individual i'm not a forceful feeder, i encourage her to enjoy her self, if she wants seconds than have seconds, if you want a dessert then by all means please have dessert,:eat1: I want her to also know that she doesn't need to worry about her weight.:wubu: Being an fa I'm already attracted to her larger size so if she were to gain weight than there is that much more of her to love.:smitten: 

As far as weight gain goes, YES i am aroused by the idea of My big Beautiful Girl getting Bigger, But i don't expect her to, i just enjoy it when it happens. Yes i do encourage her to eat more and to gain but it's our thing. her health is always first. 

She is a feedee where as she loves feeling FULL and at times it's very erotic for her to have that overstuffed feeling she describes it as Painfully satisfied. I won't go into too much about the feedee side because honestly a feedee could tell it better. 

Fantasy versus Reality: We share this interest mutually and we have some rather extreme fantasies that we play with and she really knows how to get my wheels spinning with some fatty talk lol. as far as feeding her, we play around with it. but i tend to be more the passive feeder i will get her what ever her Hungry heart desires i will encourage her to try just a little bit more i will rub her tummy and worship her gorgeous body. 

and yes there are people that go to extremes literally but keep in mind. it's not always the feeder, there are some feedees who want to be so fat they can't move there are some who long to be the Heaviest Person in the world. It's not my place to judge them because in my fantasy mind I would love to be apart of that. but in reality I realize i cannot care for someone to that degree and i believe quality of life for the feedee would suffer.:bow:


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 15, 2008)

Haunted said:


> I believe myself to be along the lines of a nurturing individual i'm not a forceful feeder, i encourage her to enjoy her self, if she wants seconds than have seconds, if you want a dessert then by all means please have dessert,:eat1: I want her to also know that she doesn't need to worry about her weight.:wubu: Being an fa I'm already attracted to her larger size so if she were to gain weight than there is that much more of her to love.:smitten:
> 
> As far as weight gain goes, YES i am aroused by the idea of My big Beautiful Girl getting Bigger, But i don't expect her to, i just enjoy it when it happens. Yes i do encourage her to eat more and to gain but it's our thing. her health is always first.
> 
> ...


Thannks for this reply, I understand more from your personal story and am more interested and accpeting that you are not in an abusive realtionship. I think this ius a common misconception and one i'm afraid that I shared. I believe you are genuine and have respect for the fact that you are able to distinguish between fantasy and reality where some people do not and that is probably where feeders have gained (lol, no pun intended) the bad name. Thanks for being so personal and open.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 15, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Thannks for this reply, I understand more from your personal story and am more interested and accpeting that you are not in an abusive realtionship. I think this ius a common misconception and one i'm afraid that I shared. I believe you are genuine and have respect for the fact that you are able to distinguish between fantasy and reality where some people do not and that is probably where feeders have gained (lol, no pun intended) the bad name. Thanks for being so personal and open.


sorry for my type'os I forgot to proof read.


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## exile in thighville (Oct 15, 2008)

GD, feederism is like any other fetish where you can inject your own ratio of fantasy to reality when enacting bedroom activity. Like any other fetish, there are those who prefer riskier stuff and those who don't. It's shocking to newbs when they first hear of it, but it's as logical a desire as a girl getting breast implants. People have "views" on it like people have "views" on gays and my response is always to try it or butt out. The best test is to read some of the stories (though the Extreme Special Interests Archive ain't for beginners), see if your clit wiggles.


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## mergirl (Oct 15, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> GD, feederism is like any other fetish where you can inject your own ratio of fantasy to reality when enacting bedroom activity. Like any other fetish, there are those who prefer riskier stuff and those who don't. It's shocking to newbs when they first hear of it, but it's as logical a desire as a girl getting breast implants. People have "views" on it like people have "views" on gays and my response is always to try it or butt out. The best test is to read some of the stories (though the Extreme Special Interests Archive ain't for beginners), see if your clit wiggles.


hmm..hawwd on a wee min..
You say people have "views" and they either need to try it or butt out.. I'm not sure thats right, i think you can be ALL for gay rights.. which doesnt mean you have to plant your purple sausage in your boy pals chocolate starfish!!! 
in saying that, i chattered on Dims over 7 years ago and i have chattered to a few feeders. This is not a sexuality i relate to personally, though it in no way shocks me and in many ways i understand the fundementals of it, even though i know that "feeders" are "feeders" for different reasons. 
I dont really get your reference to fake tits actually.. as i suppose it would be akin to someone getting fake fat implants.. but more socially acceptable... still silly though i feel!
Anyway, i agree with the thoughts on the spectrum of sexuality. Relating all feeders with the image of force feeding an inocent, vulnerable women to the point where she is imobile is like saying that those into S & M, when they are just into mild spanking are ALL into kicking fuck out of someone and asphixiating them till they are on the point of death!! Those people are few and far between! Though exist they do, and unfortunately give a bad name for the rest cause OF COURSE they will get all the press.. freak show world that this is!!

xmer


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 15, 2008)

I have some experience in this area, not that I'm a feeder, per se, but an ex of mine was COMPLETELY convinced I was (which made me question whether or not I was, myself). She saw that documentary (presumably the same one you're talking about, GD) _Fat Girls & Feeders_, or something. Suddenly, she was seriously questioning why I liked her big, why was I bringing her chocolates when I visited (she was overseas for University & ...um... don't boyfriends do stuff like this anyway?!) & why I bought her a cake (it was her BIRTHDAY! What am I supposed to buy her?!). She'd always thought it odd that I liked her size, but stuff like this did me no favours!

So, suddenly, she thought I wanted her to be so fat she was rendered immobile & all this shit! She just didn't get it. It was then that I felt a twinge of sympathy for guys who are actually feeders. Here I was getting all this shit because after, like, 2 years, I'd suddenly turned from a sweet guy who likes her because of her size into "OMG! TEH F33DERZzzzZzzZz!1!!11!!". I mean, it was something that I really had no interest in & I was getting flack for it. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for some of those lads to actually admit this particular fetish to their significant other.


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## Wagimawr (Oct 15, 2008)

^ This is the downside to things like the said documentary, and the movie Feed. Definitely puts feederism in the "misunderstood" category.

My take on it? Feederism: hot. Specifically, the weight gain aspect. The downside to it all is that it eventually must end, because the human body does have limits.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 15, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> GD, feederism is like any other fetish where you can inject your own ratio of fantasy to reality when enacting bedroom activity. Like any other fetish, there are those who prefer riskier stuff and those who don't. It's shocking to newbs when they first hear of it, but it's as logical a desire as a girl getting breast implants. People have "views" on it like people have "views" on gays and my response is always to try it or butt out. The best test is to read some of the stories (though the Extreme Special Interests Archive ain't for beginners), see if your clit wiggles.


are you saying I should read a few feederism stories and see if I get turned on by them?? That was not the point!!. The point was for me to reach a new understanding of feederism because I originaly thought it was guys who wanted to disable women who were vulnerable and longing to be sexually desirable and so they risked their own health for men who had a fetish to plump them up to a huge capacity in order that would be disabled and never leave them. I wanted to be wrong. I appreciate your responce but you answered like a politician except you talked about "clit wriggling"??? I'm not an Fa or feeder so cant be turned on by that! I wanted understanding not sexual gratification. I do appreciate you taking the time to responde.


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## TraciJo67 (Oct 15, 2008)

Next, we're going to hear about how we're the morality police and that moral relativism is just plain wrong and blah blah and ... completely, loop-de-loopy, missing the point   

We all know that kinks are kinks and that most kinks ain't bad.

THIS discussion is about an extreme. But it will be turned into something else. It always is.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 15, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> I have some experience in this area, not that I'm a feeder, per se, but an ex of mine was COMPLETELY convinced I was (which made me question whether or not I was, myself). She saw that documentary (presumably the same one you're talking about, GD) _Fat Girls & Feeders_, or something. Suddenly, she was seriously questioning why I liked her big, why was I bringing her chocolates when I visited (she was overseas for University & ...um... don't boyfriends do stuff like this anyway?!) & why I bought her a cake (it was her BIRTHDAY! What am I supposed to buy her?!). She'd always thought it odd that I liked her size, but stuff like this did me no favours!
> 
> So, suddenly, she thought I wanted her to be so fat she was rendered immobile & all this shit! She just didn't get it. It was then that I felt a twinge of sympathy for guys who are actually feeders. Here I was getting all this shit because after, like, 2 years, I'd suddenly turned from a sweet guy who likes her because of her size into "OMG! TEH F33DERZzzzZzzZz!1!!11!!". I mean, it was something that I really had no interest in & I was getting flack for it. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for some of those lads to actually admit this particular fetish to their significant other.


Mer and I think you are fab!! She wants to post you her own post but let me say that You are a sweet guy and when I was straight I'd have loved a guy to buy me chocolates and not be thinking he was wishing he would fancy me more if I lost al bit of weight. I actually had a guy say that to me in an intimate moment. we were making love in front of a mirror ( I was thinnner at the time and had been on an extreme fitness regime) he, in the midst of passion said, " you are so fucking sexy, if you just lost some fat from your thighs you'd be pefect" Then and there I realised I would never be good enough for him. I couldn't sculpt my body into the perfect shape for anyone. That is my question for feederism, what is the perfect shape and size. That is different for everyone. I want to undertand why he thought my thighs were too big just as much as why other guys would think they are too small?

you go on buying your loved one's chocolates, that is saying... you deserve to indulge because you are beautiful and you don't need to diet. it's not saying 'get fatter for me' at all. Be yourself, you'll find your perfect someone if you haven't already. Thanks so much for your post.


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## mergirl (Oct 15, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> I have some experience in this area, not that I'm a feeder, per se, but an ex of mine was COMPLETELY convinced I was (which made me question whether or not I was, myself). She saw that documentary (presumably the same one you're talking about, GD) _Fat Girls & Feeders_, or something. Suddenly, she was seriously questioning why I liked her big, why was I bringing her chocolates when I visited (she was overseas for University & ...um... don't boyfriends do stuff like this anyway?!) & why I bought her a cake (it was her BIRTHDAY! What am I supposed to buy her?!). She'd always thought it odd that I liked her size, but stuff like this did me no favours!
> 
> So, suddenly, she thought I wanted her to be so fat she was rendered immobile & all this shit! She just didn't get it. It was then that I felt a twinge of sympathy for guys who are actually feeders. Here I was getting all this shit because after, like, 2 years, I'd suddenly turned from a sweet guy who likes her because of her size into "OMG! TEH F33DERZzzzZzzZz!1!!11!!". I mean, it was something that I really had no interest in & I was getting flack for it. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for some of those lads to actually admit this particular fetish to their significant other.


Max!! You are awesome!! haha.. After that Fucking docu "fat girls and feeders" i had to actually say to my friends "by the way, i'm not actually a feeder". Which made me feel a bit shitty somehow cause in a way its kinna like watching a documentary on gay people and someone thinking your gay and HAVING to say "btw..i'm not gay" ..cause its not necessarily a bad thing.. its just that its false advertising for yourself!..Tis a shame.. cause you have been called both "gay" (on here..in jest) and a feeder in your real life...awww!! 
There was a post some time ago and someone wanted to know whether or not he should buy his gf chocolates, just incase she thought he was a feeder. I wondered this too but having chattred to my gf about this, she said she would never think someone was a feeder instead she would think it was nice because it would mean that people wouldnt want her to lose weight to be desirable..(just thought i would mention that.. though probs not brilliant in a feeder thred!! lmao) 
anyway... i suspect my GF is just doing some research cause she is SOO trying to feed me up and is trying to find out the best way!!! HELP me!!! GD get those tubes away from me!!!! arrrgghh! lmao


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## Wagimawr (Oct 15, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> The point was for me to reach a new understanding of feederism because I originaly thought it was guys who wanted to disable women who were vulnerable and longing to be sexually desirable and so they risked their own health for men who had a fetish to plump them up to a huge capacity in order that would be disabled and never leave them.


No more than men who enjoy being "daddy" to their significant others actually want to go out and sleep with little girls. No more than men who enjoy being "master" to their significant other actually wants to keep a woman locked up in a cage all day long (well, some might!).

Of course there are those who use weight control as a method of, well, control, but it's no different from those who use, oh, say, denial of sex as a method of control. You'll have those who are abusive when it comes to things that turn them on and those that know how to balance the kink with the fantasy.

It really does take all kinds.


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 15, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Mer and I think you are fab!! She wants to post you her own post but let me say that You are a sweet guy and when I was straight I'd have loved a guy to buy me chocolates and not be thinking he was wishing he would fancy me more if I lost al bit of weight. I actually had a guy say that to me in an intimate moment. we were making love in front of a mirror ( I was thinnner at the time and had been on an extreme fitness regime) he, in the midst of passion said, " you are so fucking sexy, if you just lost some fat from your thighs you'd be pefect" Then and there I realised I would never be good enough for him. I couldn't sculpt my body into the perfect shape for anyone. That is my question for feederism, what is the perfect shape and size. That is different for everyone. I want to undertand why he thought my thighs were too big just as much as why other guys would think they are too small?
> 
> you go on buying your loved one's chocolates, that is saying... you deserve to indulge because you are beautiful and you don't need to diet. it's not saying 'get fatter for me' at all. Be yourself, you'll find your perfect someone if you haven't already. Thanks so much for your post.



Y'know, I must say that anyone who brings up how their partner should lose (or gain) weight in the throes of passion really isn't giving it their all. I mean, "Damn, you'd be much hotter if..." is really a mood killer at ANY time, let alone in "intimate time"! If my girlfriend (if I _HAD_ a girlfriend) said to me how she wished I had bigger arms/ a six pack/ better pecs or whatever, well... I'd be insulted. 
"I love you & all, but you could just be a wee bit better." 
"Whaaaaa...?"

Anyways, I always felt like I was on trial for doing what I perceived as "boyfriend" things. If I brought her chocs, I was a feeder. If SHE proceeded to eat the whole box in one sitting (which she did), it was 'cause she was hungry. If I suggested we got to Pizza Hut, I was a feeder. If SHE dragged me into a Pizza Hut buffet, it was 'cause she fancied going out somewhere. If I suggested making her a fry-up for breakfast, I was a feeder. If SHE... You can see where this is going right?  Really, I couldn't win (nor wrap my head around her logic).

Shirley, if I was a feeder (which she claimed she hated), wasn't she just encouraging me by going to Pizza Hut all-you-can-eat for a fiver & finishing off a whole box of Milk Tray by herself? Stupid twisted documentary!:doh:

Yeah, I wasn't opposed to the idea of her gaining weight. I thought maybe she'd even look better (she always looked sick when she lost weight & was usually on edge too), but there was NO WAY I wanted her to be immobile or anything (which, for me, would be a huge turn-off). I would certainly never want a woman to be SO big that it would endanger her health! Listening to your partner struggling for breath at night? Not sexy...


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## Ample Pie (Oct 15, 2008)

so this is what Fuzzy Necromancer meant about the feedee being missing. Here we are again--the innocent unknowing (largely unmentioned) victims of you vicious terrible feeders.

It's a FETISH. A lot of it is FANTASY because MOST people are smart enough to realize immobility RUINS the sexual aspect (among other things, of course). And as I said, it's a FETISH so it's inextricably tied to SEX/uality. 

So, take it from me or don't, I'm sure you all can argue and banter about this til the cows come home and feel superior to feedees and feeders because you got your fat the acceptable way--by accident--but the truth is a lot of Feedism has to remain in the head. Because if it didn't, it would ruin the fun of the fetish in the long run. And, believe it or not, some us (even poor unknowing feedees like me) KNOW THAT.

Additionally, I know how to avoid an abusive partner...and being a feedee doesn't make me too stupid to know my limits. Der.


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 15, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Next, we're going to hear about how we're the morality police and that moral relativism is just plain wrong and blah blah and ... completely, loop-de-loopy, missing the point
> 
> We all know that kinks are kinks and that most kinks ain't bad.
> 
> THIS discussion is about an extreme. But it will be turned into something else. It always is.





Rebecca said:


> so this is what Fuzzy Necromancer meant about the feedee being missing. Here we are again--the innocent unknowing (largely unmentioned) victims of you vicious terrible feeders.
> 
> It's a FETISH. A lot of it is FANTASY because MOST people are smart enough to realize immobility RUINS the sexual aspect (among other things, of course). And as I said, it's a FETISH so it's inextricably tied to SEX/uality.
> 
> ...



Whaddya know? Didn't take long.


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## Ample Pie (Oct 15, 2008)

I made no claims about the morality of this discussion or this fetish, but I AM allowed to comment on my views seeing as I actually participate in the fetish rather than sit in my house wringing my hands and saying "won't someone please think of the fatties."


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## Wagimawr (Oct 15, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> Whaddya know? Didn't take long.


That doesn't even begin to make sense.


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## mergirl (Oct 15, 2008)

Rebecca said:


> so this is what Fuzzy Necromancer meant about the feedee being missing. Here we are again--the innocent unknowing (largely unmentioned) victims of you vicious terrible feeders.
> 
> It's a FETISH. A lot of it is FANTASY because MOST people are smart enough to realize immobility RUINS the sexual aspect (among other things, of course). And as I said, it's a FETISH so it's inextricably tied to SEX/uality.
> 
> ...


aye but.. "feederism" is an "actual" sexual fetish..and recognised.
Say you had the fantasy of being raped (which is in the top 5 of female fantasies btw) would this make it ok ,,in reality to be a "wee bit raped"??
cause your either raped or not.. OUTSIDE the world of fantasy!!!
ALL other cases are consentual fantasy..
Obviously there are feedees.. and i dont consign these people to a victim space..IF this is thier fantasy in the first place... i think what we are talking about i9s those who would wish to please someone, even though it wasnt what they wanted.
Like Rape being bad unless it is part of a played out fantasy between TWO consensual adults.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Oct 15, 2008)

I understand that, taken to the extreme, it is, in the long term, unsafe, especially when you have an abusive partner and a psychologically vulnerable and/or gullible one.

I take umbrage, however, at the fact that the _default assumption_ is that it *will* be taken to the extreme. When people talk of feedism it always shoots straight to the abusive dominating feeders with sexual partners who are definately not feeds and who are too stupid to know what they want and to eager to please and oblivious to notice they're getting too fat too move. 
I might just be limitied in my scope of experince, but I have not seen this level of sheer dark suspicion and assumed maladjustment applied to *any* other fetish, including auto-erotic asphixiation and rape fantasies. You make consensual healthy activity between rational psychologically well-adjusted partners seem like the exception, and perverse horror-movie torture-fests into the rule. 

Seriously, I think that off all the kinks people have, feedism is the LEAST likely to lead to anything dangerous. Yes, extremely rapid weight gain can have serious consequences, but weight gain generally isn't that rapid. Ask the feedees. Even if you're trying your hardest, it will take a good while, months or years, not days and weeks, to reach the point where it damages your health.

Honestly, it's like TV news doing a two-hour special on the danger of purchasing homes near glaciers. >_<


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## Haunted (Oct 15, 2008)

Rebecca said:


> so this is what Fuzzy Necromancer meant about the feedee being missing. Here we are again--the innocent unknowing (largely unmentioned) victims of you vicious terrible feeders.
> 
> It's a FETISH. A lot of it is FANTASY because MOST people are smart enough to realize immobility RUINS the sexual aspect (among other things, of course). And as I said, it's a FETISH so it's inextricably tied to SEX/uality.
> 
> ...



I got the feeling reading this that you are very irritated with the fact that there is yet another Noob asking and trying to understand feederism,
Why get pissy, GD is trying to understand what it is because She had a skewed View of the fetish she is trying to understand despite all the negatives she's heard because of some documentary on tv. You know it's a harmless fetish that takes two i know it's harmless fetish. But the rest of the world has a very hard time wrapping thier heads around the idea that 1. any one would Want to be Fat 2. any one would want to get fatter, and 3. there are people who lust after it !


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## Wagimawr (Oct 15, 2008)

mergirl said:


> Say you had the fantasy of being raped (which is in the top 5 of female fantasies btw) would this make it ok ,,in reality to be a "wee bit raped"??
> cause your either raped or not.. OUTSIDE the world of fantasy!!!
> ALL other cases are consentual fantasy..


They're not even comparable acts. Rape is and can never be anything but a violation of your personal space (put lightly), whether or not you're turned on by it.

Feederism is a violation of...oh that's right, nothing. You're either into getting fatter (by your own hand or by somebody else's), or you're not.


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 15, 2008)

Rebecca said:


> I made no claims about the morality of this discussion or this fetish, but I AM allowed to comment on my views seeing as I actually participate in the fetish rather than sit in my house wringing my hands and saying "won't someone please think of the fatties."





Rebecca said:


> I'm sure you all can argue and banter about this til the cows come home and feel superior to feedees and feeders because you got your fat the acceptable way--by accident--but the truth is a lot of Feedism has to remain in the head.


I'm just sayin'...

As far as I could see, nobody was getting on their high-horse here & decrying feederism as the work of the devil. Nobody was making it out that feedees were victimized (unless you count the documentary a few of us mentioned). So what need was this rant about us "feeling superior" & such? Or was it just to get it out of the way now. I was just genuinely discussing the topic as I saw it. I don't want to participate in an argument about it.


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## Ample Pie (Oct 15, 2008)

Rape fantasy is a false term. Rape ISN'T about sex; it's about power. And what you have ISN'T rape if it's what you're wanting--and if it's your fantasy one can assume it's what you want.

Women who have "rape fantasies" don't want to get raped.

This is a straw man and a stupid comparison.

As for the rest, anyone who's that desperate to please someone is going to do it whatever way they can...that has NOTHING to do with Feedism. It might just as well be any fetish...ALL OF WHICH can get out of hand if the people involved aren't healthy and balanced. Again, Der. 

The point is some feeders are assholes, because some people are assholes. Some of them are fabulous because some people are fabulous. Some feedees are confident and dynamic (like myself *takes a bow*) because some people are confident and dynamic and some are insecure because some people are insecure. I would have thought this would be the easiest thing to understand. 

This fetish isn't anymore possessed of assholes and freaks than any other.


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## Wagimawr (Oct 15, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> I'm just sayin'...
> 
> As far as I could see, nobody was getting on their high-horse here & decrying feederism as the work of the devil. Nobody was making it out that feedees were victimized (unless you count the documentary a few of us mentioned). So what need was this rant about us "feeling superior" & such? Or was it just to get it out of the way now. I was just genuinely discussing the topic as I saw it. I don't want to participate in an argument about it.


These arguments always happen. TraciJo and Rebecca were both right; feederism topics always devolve into a "feeders are terrible people" or "feedees are terrible people" type of fight, usually the former more than the latter. It's ridiculous that a group of adults can't come together and discuss something intelligently, but it invariably goes down in flames.


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## Ample Pie (Oct 15, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> I'm just sayin'...
> 
> As far as I could see, nobody was getting on their high-horse here & decrying feederism as the work of the devil. Nobody was making it out that feedees were victimized (unless you count the documentary a few of us mentioned). So what need was this rant about us "feeling superior" & such? Or was it just to get it out of the way now. I was just genuinely discussing the topic as I saw it. I don't want to participate in an argument about it.



yeah well look around the board and you'll find that, but I still didn't make it a matter of morality.


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## Haunted (Oct 15, 2008)

Wagimawr said:


> These arguments always happen. TraciJo and Rebecca were both right; feederism topics always devolve into a "feeders are terrible people" or "feedees are terrible people" type of fight, usually the former more than the latter. It's ridiculous that a group of adults can't come together and discuss something intelligently, but it invariably goes down in flames.



yes but this particular thread had not devolved to that point yet Tracijo And Rebecca jumped on the defensive. Seemed like a bit of a preemptive and slightly unnecessary strike.


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## ImSoDead (Oct 15, 2008)

In Junior High (a very, very long time ago) I read a short story by Ray Bradbury about a woman who kept gaining weight to give her husband more room to tattoo her. It struck a very deep chord within me. In my mid-twenties I dated a woman who regained about 50lbs. in around seven months. Watching her grow and being with her was was such an incredible turn-on that I hadn't imagined possible. When I moved away for job reasons, every once in a while I would get a call from her that would start off "I weighed myself this morning" and I was turned on like a light switch. It's just one of those things. Different things turn on different people. I can't explain why weight gain turns me on for the same reason why I can't explain why feeding a woman in bed is such a turn on as well (as it was for her also). There's an element of nurturing -- me nurturing her through feeding her but her nurturing me by embracing me in her rolls and folds of fat.

Personally I can't imagine wanting to feed a parter to the point that their health suffers -- where's the love in that?


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## Haunted (Oct 15, 2008)

ImSoDead said:


> In Junior High (a very, very long time ago) I read a short story by Ray Bradbury about a woman who kept gaining weight to give her husband more room to tattoo her. It struck a very deep chord within me. In my mid-twenties I dated a woman who regained about 50lbs. in around seven months. Watching her grow and being with her was was such an incredible turn-on that I hadn't imagined possible. When I moved away for job reasons, every once in a while I would get a call from her that would start off "I weighed myself this morning" and I was turned on like a light switch. It's just one of those things. Different things turn on different people. I can't explain why weight gain turns me on for the same reason why I can't explain why feeding a woman in bed is such a turn on as well (as it was for her also). There's an element of nurturing -- me nurturing her through feeding her but her nurturing me by embracing her in her rolls and folds of fat.
> 
> Personally I can't imagine wanting to feed a parter to the point that their health suffers -- where's the love in that?



EXACTLY !!!!!! I AM SO REPPING YOU


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 15, 2008)

Wagimawr said:


> These arguments always happen. TraciJo and Rebecca were both right; feederism topics always devolve into a "feeders are terrible people" or "feedees are terrible people" type of fight, usually the former more than the latter. It's ridiculous that a group of adults can't come together and discuss something intelligently, but it invariably goes down in flames.



As has been said, you get assholes in ALL walks of life; I understand that. I can understand that most feeders are probably not into feeding a girl to the point of immobility (only the extreme level gets media coverage because of the shock factor). I just felt as if I was suddenly under attack because I was not a feeder or something (it's like my life got flipped, turned upside-down).


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Oct 15, 2008)

>_< Alright, I've tried to cool down and respond to the actual questions posed in the thread topic, not how it begins and what emotions it provokes.



> Is a feeder merely a nurturing person who takes pleasure out of seeing a food lover getting pleasure out of food? This could be like a jewish/italian/spanish mother who gets gratification from nurturing her kin.


Well, there is a nutruring aspect, and most feeders get pleasure out of seeing somebody enjoy food, but I'm not sure it's just that.


> Is there more a sexual gratification from watching someone grow?


Well, you can't actually watch somebody grow without the aid of time-lapse photography, but most people who consider themselves feeders do seriously enjoy signs of weight gain, like clothes that don't fit anymore, before and after pictures of wegiht gain, etc. 



> Do feeders want their partners to get fatter and not be able to go anywhere? are they insecure and want to disable their partners into being reliant on them?


Short answer: no and no. 
Long answer: That is not part of the feeder fetish. If somebody was an abusive sociopath and a feeder, they might display that behavior, but it is not common to feeders to the best of my knowledge.


Edit: In retrospect, I think another reason for my knee-jerk reaction, would have to be the title and the way it sets of my mind on a track very different from the questions directed at posters.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 15, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> I understand that, taken to the extreme, it is, in the long term, unsafe, especially when you have an abusive partner and a psychologically vulnerable and/or gullible one.
> 
> I take umbrage, however, at the fact that the _default assumption_ is that it *will* be taken to the extreme. When people talk of feedism it always shoots straight to the abusive dominating feeders with sexual partners who are definately not feeds and who are too stupid to know what they want and to eager to please and oblivious to notice they're getting too fat too move.
> I might just be limitied in my scope of experince, but I have not seen this level of sheer dark suspicion and assumed maladjustment applied to *any* other fetish, including auto-erotic asphixiation and rape fantasies. You make consensual healthy activity between rational psychologically well-adjusted partners seem like the exception, and perverse horror-movie torture-fests into the rule.
> ...


Ok, Least dangerous to lead to anything how??? So do you think feedersim is less dangerous than someone strangling you whilst fucking you up the arse until the point you are losing consciousness or gain in weight untill they need you to wipe their ass when they shit because they can't reach the little bit between their anus and their vagina? Ok I say this because I can reach 
myself everyhwhere and clean myself everywhere and am active and fit for my size bit part of me knows if I was fatter I know I wouldn't reach properly so how can larger to gaining to the point of imobility be sexy, surley loss of personal hygeine isn't sexy?


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## mergirl (Oct 15, 2008)

Rebecca said:


> Rape fantasy is a false term. Rape ISN'T about sex; it's about power. And what you have ISN'T rape if it's what you're wanting--and if it's your fantasy one can assume it's what you want.
> 
> Women who have "rape fantasies" don't want to get raped.
> 
> ...


Rape fantasy IS a fantasy.. 
Yes.. most women wouldnt WANT to be raped in real life..thus the "fantasy" part (ie.not real).
I am imagining the same goes for feeders and feedeees to a certain extent.
Ie. You may play around with the gaining/feeding aspect but might never fall through to the extent of imobility/encouraging to imobility.. Dont see why this is a straw man (wicker man) analogy.. i think its more than valid because both encompass a fetish/fantasy which isnt socially acceptable per say and also might not be played out in real life to the extent it is in the head!!


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## Ample Pie (Oct 15, 2008)

For the record, I didn't JUMP on the defensive. This thread is another example of the tendency to forget there are [at least] TWO people involved in a feeder/feedee relationship. 

This discussion and many more before it make it sound like feedees are nothing more than lumps being acted upon by feeders. 

If I sound like I'm on the defensive, it is because I don't like being assigned that role.

People who know me know that I am FAR too outspoken to ever be someone's pawn--no matter the reward. 

My belly is the white whale of the online feedism community. I'm not saying I'm the end all be all or even anyone's dream girl; but I know for sure that if I wanted a feeder, all I'd have to do is say "be my feeder" and I'd have a line of candidates. The fact is, as my user title says, I'm off the market. I'm not dating anyone and I'm celibate. I choose to be. I am single, I am not attempting to gain weight. I am still VERY much a feedee because I am still VERY much turned on by being fed, being stuffed, and gaining weight--even though, especially at this time, it's all in my head.

I have met some scummy feeders...I ignore them; I don't make a mad rush to the local doughnut shop with them. The fact that they may or may not share a fetish I have does not override my commonsense. 

I'm no one's pawn, I'm no one's dupe. I enjoy what I enjoy because it feels good. 

And I think that's the key to this whole argument. Feeders like what they like but they're only abusive if they're abusive people in general and that has nothing to do with feedism, it has to do with general respect for your fellow humans. Some people have it and some don't--no matter their fetish.


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## Ample Pie (Oct 15, 2008)

mergirl said:


> Rape fantasy IS a fantasy..
> Yes.. most women wouldnt WANT to be raped in real life..thus the "fantasy" part (ie.not real).
> I am imagining the same goes for feeders and feedeees to a certain extent.
> Ie. You may play around with the gaining/feeding aspect but might never fall through to the extent of imobility/encouraging to imobility.. Dont see why this is a straw man (wicker man) analogy.. i think its more than valid because both encompass a fetish/fantasy which isnt socially acceptable per say and also might not be played out in real life to the extent it is in the head!!


The point is that RAPE fantasies don't involve actual RAPE. They may involve rough sex, but the sex is still consensual because the person having the fantasy wants it. 

Beyond that, I'm wholly unsure of the point you're trying to make and I don't see how it applies to feedism at all.

The fact is, if two consenting adults want to feed, they should be free to do so. And if one consenting adult forces a non-consenting adult to feed, s/he didn't do it because s/he's a feeder but because s/he's a sick fuck.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 15, 2008)

Haunted said:


> I got the feeling reading this that you are very irritated with the fact that there is yet another Noob asking and trying to understand feederism,
> Why get pissy, GD is trying to understand what it is because She had a skewed View of the fetish she is trying to understand despite all the negatives she's heard because of some documentary on tv. You know it's a harmless fetish that takes two i know it's harmless fetish. But the rest of the world has a very hard time wrapping thier heads around the idea that 1. any one would Want to be Fat 2. any one would want to get fatter, and 3. there are people who lust after it !


Actually, my girlfriend has had fantasies about gaining and has told me about them long ago but the only time I have heard about feederism is from that documentary that was very anti-feeder and I just wanted to understand more for myself. I can understand feeders getting defensive but I think this thread is a good opportunity for feeders and feedees to lay their cards on the table and for those who are against to raise their points in a place that they may be heard and understood then answered


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## Ample Pie (Oct 15, 2008)

Haunted said:


> I got the feeling reading this that you are very irritated with the fact that there is yet another Noob asking and trying to understand feederism,
> Why get pissy, GD is trying to understand what it is because She had a skewed View of the fetish she is trying to understand despite all the negatives she's heard because of some documentary on tv. You know it's a harmless fetish that takes two i know it's harmless fetish. But the rest of the world has a very hard time wrapping thier heads around the idea that 1. any one would Want to be Fat 2. any one would want to get fatter, and 3. there are people who lust after it !



I never addressed the OP. I found nothing objectionable in the original question.

And there is no where in the handbook of the universe that says I'm supposed to grin and deal with it every few months when THIS SAME TOPIC comes up and I have to EXPLAIN myself again. Sorry, them's the breaks.


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## mergirl (Oct 15, 2008)

Rebecca said:


> For the record, I didn't JUMP on the defensive. This thread is another example of the tendency to forget there are [at least] TWO people involved in a feeder/feedee relationship.
> 
> This discussion and many more before it make it sound like feedees are nothing more than lumps being acted upon by feeders.
> 
> ...


Rebecca, sorry to say.. if you have no "feeder" then you are not a feedee"!
"feedee" IS a passive role. As is Sittee to sitter etc.
If you have no-one to feed you then you are meerly a gainer.
In the English language the suffix "something-ee" means the receiver of" but thats just the symantix..
As of "rape fantasy".. Its still called "rape fantasy" even when its being played out and its not an actual rape.. Obviously my point is... that people can say i have "feeder fantasies" without ever actually feeding someone.. its in the head.
i dont know what you dont get about what i said.. may be you are being defensive and thats clouding your judgement.. anyway i'm not against you just making a point.

xmer


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## mergirl (Oct 15, 2008)

Rebecca said:


> I never addressed the OP. I found nothing objectionable in the original question.
> 
> And there is no where in the handbook of the universe that says I'm supposed to grin and deal with it every few months when THIS SAME TOPIC comes up and I have to EXPLAIN myself again. Sorry, them's the breaks.


awww.. wee poor.. just dont explain yourself then!!!
Leave it to the rest. BUT i think this post is pretty comprehensive and a good opportunity to say what you feel/think. Its funny that a lot of the feeders are comming into the debate really on guard when they say there is nothing wrong with their fetish...strange!!


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## Haunted (Oct 15, 2008)

mergirl said:


> awww.. wee poor.. just dont explain yourself then!!!
> Leave it to the rest. BUT i think this post is pretty comprehensive and a good opportunity to say what you feel/think. Its funny that a lot of the feeders are comming into the debate really on guard when they say there is nothing wrong with their fetish...strange!!



I thought the discussion was going along well until someone got their feathers ruffled There was no attack against feederism, and from what i can tell there still hasn't been an attack on feeders or feedees, just a couple people getting very defensive very early no one asked anyone to explain themselves! one person asked nicely if someone could enlighten her as to what this particular fetish is about.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 15, 2008)

mergirl said:


> Rebecca, sorry to say.. if you have no "feeder" then you are not a feedee"!
> "feedee" IS a passive role. As is Sittee to sitter etc.
> If you have no-one to feed you then you are meerly a gainer.
> In the English language the suffix "something-ee" means the receiver of" but thats just the symantix..
> ...



What??? That is rediculous. With that logic a feeder isn't a feeder without a feedee either. He's a wisher until he can find someone to feed. lol Or he's a watcher if all he wants to do is sit and enjoy watching someone eat, or a watcher belly rubber head to shoulder rester. lol

A feedee is mostly flipped off as some kind of needy victim who'll say yes to anything for a scratch behind the ears. I stayed out of this as per the request of the OP but it's really irksome to see this straw man being held up all the time.


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## Ample Pie (Oct 15, 2008)

I guess single straight people aren't straight either, since they have no partners. Gee, the logic here is staggering. My sexuality doesn't turn off just because I'm not coupled.

And mergirl, you can make baby talk at me all you like. I've been verbally attached on this topic by people who've made FAR more intelligent remarks than you have thus far...no sweat.

As for feathers being ruffled, I have to say this. The OP's original post didn't bother me, curiosity and the attempt to learn never bother me. Though I would suggest checking out the various threads already devoted to the subject on the Weight Board. Of course, from what I can tell, GD has made a foray into the weight board and brought quite a few interesting and positive points. Kudos for that. If my feathers are ruffled, it's because (as mergirl did just posts before this one) Feeders and feedees are dragged out for inspection regularly as if they're freaks of nature and not just people and then get told off when the treatment bothers us.

I mean, seriously, picking on someone and then telling them the only reason it bothers them is because they know it's wrong to be how they are?? Really, because I'm pretty sure that the reason I didn't like being made fun of for being fat as a kid wasn't because deep down inside I knew being fat was wrong, I think it had more to do with the fact that it sucks dealing with closedminded, mean spirited assholes.

And, you know what, that's still the case.

...I'm Rebecca and I'm a FEEDEE.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 15, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> >_< Alright, I've tried to cool down and respond to the actual questions posed in the thread topic, not how it begins and what emotions it provokes.
> 
> 
> Well, there is a nutruring aspect, and most feeders get pleasure out of seeing somebody enjoy food, but I'm not sure it's just that.
> ...


Thank you for taking the time to think about my questions. Clothes not fitting is also an Fa thing. 
my gf loves me to try on clothes that don't fit me any more, she isn't a feeder but she really likes the way the tight clothes accentuate my curves and it's kind of naughty I grew out of the clothes.

I understand the kneejerk reaction, mer and I both appreciate you taking the time to think about the post.


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## bellyjelly (Oct 15, 2008)

This is a fantastic thread. I, too, don't understand the feeder/feedee fetish.

My own personal experiences were that my 1st husband wanted me to be slimmer and my 2nd wanted me fatter. In both cases, I went along with their desires in order to make myself more sexually attractive to them.

Ultimately, I was never just right. There'd always be an ideal for me to aspire to. I felt insecure and inadequate throughout. Never good enough...

Nowadays, I just plod along eating what I want. No more diets YAY! And my weight is just what it is. I don't care if it fluctuates this way or that way. Odds are, I'm never gonna be skinny (not while there are cakes and chockies), but I'm never gonna let anyone coerce me into modifying my body to conform to their preferences.

Basically, this is where it's at. Like it or fuck off.


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## Wagimawr (Oct 15, 2008)

mergirl said:


> awww.. wee poor.. just dont explain yourself then!!!
> Leave it to the rest. BUT i think this post is pretty comprehensive and a good opportunity to say what you feel/think. Its funny that a lot of the feeders are comming into the debate really on guard when they say there is nothing wrong with their fetish...strange!!


The guard is because this is not the first time this subject has come up.

It's not "funny" or "strange", it's exasperated reaction to a subject that USUALLY comes up with an air of negativity about it.


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## 1300 Class (Oct 15, 2008)

If two _concenting_ people want do it together in a relationship, I cannot see a problem. If one wants to gain weight, thats his or her individual choice and perogative, whether individually or with someone else. 

Like anything of course, there are exceptions and cases of extremism that are showcased by the media.


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## mergirl (Oct 15, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> What??? That is rediculous. With that logic a feeder isn't a feeder without a feedee either. He's a wisher until he can find someone to feed. lol Or he's a watcher if all he wants to do is sit and enjoy watching someone eat, or a watcher belly rubber head to shoulder rester. lol
> 
> A feedee is mostly flipped off as some kind of needy victim who'll say yes to anything for a scratch behind the ears. I stayed out of this as per the request of the OP but it's really irksome to see this straw man being held up all the time.


Thats true! A feeder cant be a feeder unless he is actually feeding someone!!
You think about feeding and wank over a partner getting fatter at your hand all you like.. but until you are actually responsible for this gain then you are not a "feeder" ,, but you do have feeder tendencies or would like to be a feeder.. Its just the termanology.


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## Shosh (Oct 15, 2008)

I think it is all fine the roleplay and such, as long as it does not adversely effect a person's health to the point where they are immobile and unable to care for themselves.
I have to object to it if a person has a child that they are responsible for caring for though.

There is nothing sexy to most people in not being able to attend to one's own personal hygeine requirements.

Maybe that turns some feeders on though.

To Rebecca's credit she did say that much of the feederism issues stay in the realm of fantasy, because she knows that it cannot become a reality, possibly due to health or lifestyle issues.


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## mergirl (Oct 15, 2008)

Rebecca said:


> I guess single straight people aren't straight either, since they have no partners. Gee, the logic here is staggering. My sexuality doesn't turn off just because I'm not coupled.
> 
> And mergirl, you can make baby talk at me all you like. I've been verbally attached on this topic by people who've made FAR more intelligent remarks than you have thus far...no sweat.
> 
> ...


i wasnt baby talking to you.. i was genuinely saying ..aww thats a wee shame for ye!! (unless of course you are an adult baby and would like that?? lol)
Noooooooo..single gay people are still gay.. because being gay is a recognised sexuality. Feedees without Feeders or Feeders without Feedees are not gettinf fed or feeding..
feeding is an adjective whereas being gay is like being black,white etc .. you still are it even when you are not in a relationship..
you know..
btw.. i am NOT anti feeder, nor having a go.. but i do think this thread is a really good way of getting all the shit out that people feel about the subject and i will play devils advocate when its in the best interests of a debate,, 

xmer


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## candygodiva (Oct 16, 2008)

mergirl said:


> Thats true! A feeder cant be a feeder unless he is actually feeding someone!!
> You think about feeding and wank over a partner getting fatter at your hand all you like.. but until you are actually responsible for this gain then you are not a "feeder" ,, but you do have feeder tendencies or would like to be a feeder.. Its just the termanology.



But what about a feedee that feeds *herself* at the encouragement of a feeder, or feeders, through the magick of the internets, and therefore gains?
Wanking may or may not be involved... :eat1:


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## Shosh (Oct 16, 2008)

candygodiva said:


> But what about a feedee that feeds *herself* at the encouragement of a feeder, or feeders, through the magick of the internets, and therefore gains?
> Wanking may or may not be involved... :eat1:



Candy do you ever get tired of your members or your fans asking you how heavy you want to be? I see that some of the other girls find it tiresome sometimes.
Do you feel pressured as a feedee to just keep on gaining, gaining, gaining all the time?


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Oct 16, 2008)

Feeder and Feedee are not in the webster's dictionary. Consequently, you will find many dissenting bodies of thought as to their meaning.

One group uses "feeder" and "feedee" as terms for relationship roles. Another school of thought uses them as names for fetishes. Some use them as both, which confuses things a bit. I side with the second definition.


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## Haunted (Oct 16, 2008)

I guess i was really hoping this could be a civilized conversation that didn't have to devolve to someone feeling they had to defend their stance. I'm a feeder and i appreciate GD and anyone else asking the questions instead of assuming we are some kind of sick group hell bent on fattening woman across the land to the point of Immobility, High cholesteral and heart failure


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Oct 16, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Ok, Least dangerous to lead to anything how??? So do you think feedersim is less dangerous than someone strangling you whilst fucking you up the arse until the point you are losing consciousness or gain in weight untill they need you to wipe their ass when they shit because they can't reach the little bit between their anus and their vagina? Ok I say this because I can reach
> myself everyhwhere and clean myself everywhere and am active and fit for my size bit part of me knows if I was fatter I know I wouldn't reach properly so how can larger to gaining to the point of imobility be sexy, surley loss of personal hygeine isn't sexy?




Um, I don't personally think loss of personal hygene is particularly sexy, but I think there's a much larger question squirming around in your post. Could you try to rephrase the question or statement so that I can better address it, because as is it's giving me some comprehension/clarity issues.


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## furious styles (Oct 16, 2008)

Was I the only person who thought the comments about hygiene and a girl not being able to clean herself were somewhat offensive? Is that the point at which a person is "too fat?" 

I know it probably wasn't meant maliciously (at least, not towards the fat person .. ) but is there really room for any kind of that attitude on this forum? There's probably some ladies (and for that matter, men) around here with similar issues, and I _highly_ doubt that they're that way due to "feeding."

No wonder the SSBBWs on this board wanted a private area to discuss health and hygiene ..


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## candygodiva (Oct 16, 2008)

Susannah said:


> Candy do you ever get tired of your members or your fans asking you how heavy you want to be? I see that some of the other girls find it tiresome sometimes.
> Do you feel pressured as a feedee to just keep on gaining, gaining, gaining all the time?



I don't find those questions any more tiresome than the, "when can I hit that?", comments and questions, which I usually ignore. I will only answer these types of things in my Paysite Board threads. I answer as honestly as I can as well.

I don't feel any pressure to gain from fans. I do what I want, when I want, and how I want to do it. I enjoy my body, and I've enjoyed it's growth over the years. It's fun to tease my fans, and myself, imagining what it would like to get fatter. So, of course I'll play along with the fantasy, as long as who ever I'm playing with holds my interest. lol


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## Shosh (Oct 16, 2008)

candygodiva said:


> I don't find those questions any more tiresome than the, "when can I hit that?", comments and questions, which I usually ignore. I will only answer these types of things in my Paysite Board threads. I answer as honestly as I can as well.
> 
> I don't feel any pressure to gain from fans. I do what I want, when I want, and how I want to do it. I enjoy my body, and I've enjoyed it's growth over the years. It's fun to tease my fans, and myself, imagining what it would like to get fatter. So, of course I'll play along with the fantasy, as long as who ever I'm playing with holds my interest. lol



So there is the element of just fantasy with a lot of feedees and feeders, and most would not take it to the extreme level ie weight gain etc?

Some of the feedees/feeders would also have to hide their fetish from their families too I imagine for fear of disapproval etc.

I have wondered just how prevalent the fetish is out there. Are there many feedees and feeders?


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## Fascinita (Oct 16, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Like I said I am an ssbbw and my girlfriend is an FA. When she admitted to me she was into this I was worried that if I lost weight she would not want to be with me. Now that we are in a relationship she has said that she wouldn't mind if I were a bit smaller but she has told me that she would fancy me less under a specific dress size that I have agreed I do not want to be smaller than any way so it has worked out well for us. But what about other relationships? If you were in a relationship with someone who refused to gain and they weren't big enough for you, would you dump them?



I don't know the answers to your questions, but I suspect that if you hang around long enough and read the forums, you'll see that there have been a number of discussions about just such issues.

I did on the other hand have a question for you. Like you, I am sincerely interested in hearing someone's perspective on this:

As a fat woman in a relationship with a feeder (if I understand you correctly above), who has agreed that she won't go below a certain size, do you have any "deal breakers" of your own that you've discussed with your girlfriend in turn? For instance, do you tell your GF that is she ever makes under XXXXX amount of money a year, you'd be less happy with her? (This is just an example, of course.)

And as a fat woman, do you feel like you have to please your GF because of whatever perception of lack of other dating/romantic possibilities? This last question refers only to the sense that some fat people have that it is more difficult for them to find romantic partners. This in turn can engender fear, and a desire to keep the partner pleased in order to keep their attention.

I hope I haven't been too forward with these. These are things I would love to be able to talk about with someone rationally, without the defensiveness that can creep into conversations about feeding.

Thanks


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## GordoNegro (Oct 16, 2008)

This was a very interesting thread, though I can say if you have the kind of relationship to where you can really talk with a true open mind (free of initial judgements) you can see greater/other desires and fantasies evolve.
As a former strictly feeder and presently on/off mutual gainer, I would say in general, its good to know where everyone is coming from deep down.
That is especially helpful in the case; where one may be or feel 'too far gone', in which it transcends into other facets of life (splurging on lunch/work breaks and not caring about coworkers or others opinions of you, or that innate need on a nightly basis to stuff someone or be stuffed in order to relax enough to sleep, among other occurences).
There have been horror stories with users and those not on the same page (meaning in fantasy a feeder may desire a supersized partner but in reality may not be attracted to/capable of having a supersized partner) resulting in much of the negative attitudes posted on this forum and elsewhere.

Chances are if its just for pure enjoyment and that the lifestyle was never truly lurking inside you, there not much chance of sensing or feeling 'too far gone' as a feeder/feedee etc. as opposed to a 'baptism of fire' of sorts as deep down you know the question is not if but when.


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## Ruby Ripples (Oct 16, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I think it is all fine the roleplay and such, as long as it does not adversely effect a person's health to the point where they are immobile and unable to care for themselves.
> I have to object to it if a person has a child that they are responsible for caring for though.
> 
> *There is nothing sexy to most people in not being able to attend to one's own personal hygeine requirements.
> ...



There is sexiness in almost anything, to someone or other. I know feeders who are turned off by what I've highlighted in your post, and I know FAs who are not feeders, who are very turned on by it, just to clarify. 



mfdoom said:


> Was I the only person who thought the comments about hygiene and a girl not being able to clean herself were somewhat offensive? Is that the point at which a person is "too fat?"
> 
> I know it probably wasn't meant maliciously (at least, not towards the fat person .. ) but is there really room for any kind of that attitude on this forum? There's probably some ladies (and for that matter, men) around here with similar issues, and I _highly_ doubt that they're that way due to "feeding."
> 
> No wonder the SSBBWs on this board wanted a private area to discuss health and hygiene ..



As I was reading through this thread, your post is exactly what I intented to post here. And I would bet my life that of the people with reach difficulties, most are NOT feedees. 



Susannah said:


> So there is the element of just fantasy with a lot of feedees and feeders, and most would not take it to the extreme level ie weight gain etc?
> 
> *Some of the feedees/feeders would also have to hide their fetish from their families too I imagine for fear of disapproval etc.*
> I have wondered just how prevalent the fetish is out there. Are there many feedees and feeders?



I wouldn't expect anyone to tell me their fetish, unless they specifically wanted to, or any details about their intimate life with their partner. Feedism is sexual. Would you think twice about someone into BDSM not telling their family? I have seen people talk on these boards before about why do feeders and feedees "hide" it from their relatives, well why should they tell anyone, any more than their relatives would divulge their own sado masochistic desires, or whatever. 

I hope you don't mind me highlighting you in fuchsia!


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## Shosh (Oct 16, 2008)

Ruby,

I guess it is hard to understand sometimes that just about anything can be sexy to somebody, as we have been force fed a diet of what society says is sexy and that is so overwhelming.

It gives me hope though that a man will love my wobbly stomach and bum and wobbly boobs.

When I refered to the personal hygeine issue, what I meant was that SSBBW's struggling day to day with this may find it a burden and not sexy etc.

I am kind of surprised to think that a man could find that sexy, as one equates sexy with pleasant images of fat women, and not the unmentionables etc.

As for my family I never discuss my sex life with them, and I would not like them to discuss their sex life with me.

I just thought that some family members might freak out if they found out about the feedee/feeder type relationship.

I wouldn't think it would be a very common fetish though. I could be wrong.

You can highlight my text in any color meanwhile.:bow:


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## Mikey (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> What??? That is rediculous. With that logic a feeder isn't a feeder without a feedee either. He's a wisher until he can find someone to feed. lol Or he's a watcher if all he wants to do is sit and enjoy watching someone eat, or a watcher belly rubber head to shoulder rester. lol
> 
> A feedee is mostly flipped off as some kind of needy victim who'll say yes to anything for a scratch behind the ears. I stayed out of this as per the request of the OP but it's really irksome to see this straw man being held up all the time.



As always, you impart great words of wisdom!!!:bow:


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 16, 2008)

Haunted said:


> I guess i was really hoping this could be a civilized conversation that didn't have to devolve to someone feeling they had to defend their stance. I'm a feeder and i appreciate GD and anyone else asking the questions instead of assuming we are some kind of sick group hell bent on fattening woman across the land to the point of Immobility, High cholesteral and heart failure



Haunted I must respectfully disagree. I'm sure it feels good to have someone inquire in a respectful way as to your thoughts and emotions. What I take issue with is this continued insistence that feedees are weak desperate victims that will do anything in exchange for affection and admiration. This has been a consistent ragdoll argument here. We are practically invisible in every discussion and when one of us tries to say something we're essentially told to shut up because nobody was talking to us. What the hell! And feeders give dignity to these kinds of insinuations by participating, essentially saying that any person they get involved with is indeed a victim that they just happen to choose to treat well via their moral convictions which is utter nonsense and just as marginalizing.


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## Haunted (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Haunted I must respectfully disagree. I'm sure it feels good to have someone inquire in a respectful way as to your thoughts and emotions. What I take issue with is this continued insistence that feedees are weak desperate victims that will do anything in exchange for affection and admiration. This has been a consistent ragdoll argument here. We are practically invisible in every discussion and when one of us tries to say something we're essentially told to shut up because nobody was talking to us. What the hell! And feeders give dignity to these kinds of insinuations by participating, essentially saying that any person they get involved with is indeed a victim that they just happen to choose to treat well via their moral convictions which is utter nonsense and just as marginalizing.




Lilly you always offer great insight into these threads and i love hearing your views on these topics
I honestly can only argue for the one side But i will agree it is tiresome how the feeder is always portrayed as the dominant control freak and the feedee is the submissive victim being fattened against their will. But i thought this thread started out very respectful. it's just sad that the topic always ends up with someone having to defend thier strange little quirky fetish But whatever i will feed her as long as she wants to be fed! 

In my initial post i mentioned how i'm more of a passive feeder where as she likes to eat and enjoy's the feeling of being completely full or over full and i Really enjoy helping her get there. I do not Force in anyway, I do encourage her Because she wants to sometimes test her limits. we have talked about a forced feeding in fantasy and we have agreed it would be fun to try but i am slightly uncomfortable with actually executing this particular act mainly because i feel a little silly forcing someone to eat. i typically find it much hotter when she is also enjoying herself and for her to resist would negate this angle for me. 

Also My partners enjoyment is very important to me i always aim to please her before i even consider what i may want sexually If she didn't enjoy Being Fed i wouldn't be able to enjoy feeding her this is a mutual fetish both parties have to be into it

I understand some would argue that the Feedee is guilted into eating and gaining which brings up another assumption that does really tick me off. I have heard some say that these woman are easily guided or controlled because they are fat and by society's standards undesirable. So in an effort to be loved or to feel accepted they will do what ever it takes, That is such bullshit I know there are woman who feel this way it's sad and my heart goes out to any woman who feels undesirable. I also hate these guys who act like they are gods gift and the BBW and SSBBW's should be lining up to meet them because they are the rare Mythical FA. 

And to answer the question about not reaching, In our case Hygiene is not an issue, But she does struggle to but her shoes on which does turn me on a little for some reason, I do feel guilty for getting excited about things that inconvenience her like this but i think it just illustrates the weight gain for me. just like comparing her Body to mine her arm is the size of my thigh her thigh is the size of my waist. in my truck her hips are pressed against the console and the door, we have to lift the center console for her to be comfy and i drive a Nissan Titan. seeing her outgrow clothes turns me on and this is again another inconvenience for her. clothes aren't cheap and the bigger she gets the harder they are to find I'm sure your all aware. 

I guess the point is i don't understand some fetishes like Cuckolding (WTF) but to each his own


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## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 16, 2008)

Hm, you know, after reading this thread.. I've come to the conclusion that being misguided/misunderstood is a pretty sweet gig because the other side of that fence just gave me a massive headache.

EVERY SINGLE ACT OF FEEDING I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE HAS BEEN 100% CONSENSUAL. I've never been with anyone who I'd call a victim or who would ever let me treat them like one. I'm incredibly disappointed in the fact that it would seem that most don't think of women as being able to make any decision on their own. This is the year 2008. Every instance where this is argued that women are so easily manipulated is a slap in the face to any kind of process.

It would seem that so many people already have their minds made up when it comes to anything they don't understand or disagree with and cannot be reasoned with, so yeah, what a waste of time and energy.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Haunted I must respectfully disagree. I'm sure it feels good to have someone inquire in a respectful way as to your thoughts and emotions. What I take issue with is this continued insistence that feedees are weak desperate victims that will do anything in exchange for affection and admiration. This has been a consistent ragdoll argument here. We are practically invisible in every discussion and when one of us tries to say something we're essentially told to shut up because nobody was talking to us. What the hell! And feeders give dignity to these kinds of insinuations by participating, essentially saying that any person they get involved with is indeed a victim that they just happen to choose to treat well via their moral convictions which is utter nonsense and just as marginalizing.





That curious omission is why I made the "where's the feedee' thread =/ It's like when the convo starts, there are no feedees, only feeders and partners who gain weight for attention.


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## Tooz (Oct 16, 2008)

I guess _I_ just don't understand why people need to "understand" this fetish.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 16, 2008)

Haunted said:


> Lilly you always offer great insight into these threads and i love hearing your views on these topics
> I honestly can only argue for the one side But i will agree it is tiresome how the feeder is always portrayed as the dominant control freak and the feedee is the submissive victim being fattened against their will. But i thought this thread started out very respectful. it's just sad that the topic always ends up with someone having to defend thier strange little quirky fetish But whatever i will feed her as long as she wants to be fed!
> 
> In my initial post i mentioned how i'm more of a passive feeder where as she likes to eat and enjoy's the feeling of being completely full or over full and i Really enjoy helping her get there. I do not Force in anyway, I do encourage her Because she wants to sometimes test her limits. we have talked about a forced feeding in fantasy and we have agreed it would be fun to try but i am slightly uncomfortable with actually executing this particular act mainly because i feel a little silly forcing someone to eat. i typically find it much hotter when she is also enjoying herself and for her to resist would negate this angle for me.
> ...



Getting excited about these embarassing inconveniences may bother some women, it's true. That's their right but to give you another perspective, these inconveneinces have always been an issue for me. All the grunting, hip pressing, shoe dangling, car exiting antics are a basic reality for me weather an FA/feeder is there or not. I'm not embarassed about what I have to do but here's the thing: I don't want somebody looking at me feeling sorry for me or being disgusted or put out by the fact that I need them to grab my hands so I can get off the couch. I don't want anyone who is going to view me as an embarassment to them or a cross to bear, that is my only source of anxiety. Somebody looking at it and finding it enjoyable isn't going to send me into the dregs of sorrow and I'm nobody's victim. I'm not saying everyone should feel as I do but the bottom line is if I don't feel guilty then I don't want my family, my kids, my SO feeling that way either. I'm just the way I am and if someone finds it cute or amusing more power to them I say. I don't mind.

ETA: I just want to add that I don't hold any animosity towards the OP for her post or wanting to come to understanding. I just wanted to set straight a common misconception.


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## Haunted (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Getting excited about these embarassing inconveniences may bother some women, it's true. That's their right but to give you another perspective, these inconveneinces have always been an issue for me. All the grunting, hip pressing, shoe dangling, car exiting antics are a basic reality for me weather an FA/feeder is there or not. I'm not embarassed about what I have to do but here's the thing: I don't want somebody looking at me feeling sorry for me or being disgusted or put out by the fact that I need them to grab my hands so I can get off the couch. * I don't want anyone who is going to view me as an embarassment to them or a cross to bear, that is my only source of anxiety*. Somebody looking at it and finding it enjoyable isn't going to send me into the dregs of sorrow and I'm nobody's victim. I'm not saying everyone should feel as I do but the bottom line is if I don't feel guilty then I don't want my family, my kids, my SO feeling that way either. I'm just the way I am and if someone finds it cute or amusing more power to them I say. I don't mind.



I can understand that but i can honestly say I would never feel like she was a burden to me i love the way she looks i love the way she feels and i will do what ever i can to help her and keep enjoying these little struggles she deals with day in and day (I suppose i just find it odd that her inconveniences affect me in such a way) Ultimately i want her to feel loved and to not feel anxiety over her size and to just enjoy.

I sometimes wonder if my Anti diet attitude comes from my mom always Dieting and denying herself certain things, Makes sense I suppose, the gaining and fatty love however has to come from somewhere else as my mom was never very big as far as dimensions standards anyway.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 16, 2008)

This is the thing as well. Feederism.. the feeder/feedee whether you engage in it .. occasionally, often. ALL THE TIME. is a very SLOW process. no one gets massive over night. if you're allowing this to happen day in and day out when you don't want it to happen .. feederism isn't the issue, it's that you are allowing yourself to be used in this way and if it wasn't feederism, it was or is going to be something else. 

oh and I am not trying to justify abuse of ANY kind.


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## madrik101 (Oct 16, 2008)

Hi there, I'm new to these forums, but I'm just going to jump right into the deep end here and involve myself with this discussion. I've read this thread, and I've seen this conflict in many other forums over the years, as many people here also have. Rather than going on an aggressive rant, I'm going to argue my case by merely presenting my story:

I am young (20) and I keep myself in good shape physically and intellectually. On considering a partner, at least in a physical sense, I am quite obviously an FA and thus prefer what one might call "chubby", "curvy" or "plump" women. I would never expect nor hope to have a partner who is "super-sized" or indeed even on the mid to high end of "bbw". That's not to say I find larger bbw's repulsive, for I do not, but quite simply I have other matters closer to my heart than that of a few particular sexual fetishes. 

I'm a feeder - disputably, apparently, because I am not presently feeding anyone (changing the name won't change the intentions, anyway). I say that I'm a feeder because I possess the desire to, assuming I find an equally willing feedee partner, engage in the fundamentals of feederism - weight gain; perhaps the inclusion of food in sex-based acts. Many people in the FA community share these desires. However, aside from the fact that I am incapable of being sexually satisfied unless my partner is also entirely satisfied, I have severe "restrictions" on my preferences. As I have earlier said, I do not want an obese, super-sized or even unusually or uncomfortably overweight partner; I do want a healthy and active partner who can join in on my morning swims and evening walks, and other such activities. I want an independent partner who is not coerced or manipulated into performing degrading or humiliating acts, and I'll reassert that consensual sexual gratification is paramount. The truth is, about four fifths of the women on this board, while beautiful, would be larger than I'd prefer in a partner, and I would not only support but suggest weight-loss to any partner whose health and well-being was compromised by their weight or lifestyle. 

More bluntly, most of the anti-feedee plus-size people on here (despite their dualistic desire for "weight acceptance" and their condemnation of intentional weight gain) are beyond my preferences in terms of weight. This idea that feederism is an explicit desire for unending weight gain and growth in a partner is absurd. Weight fluctuates; clothes get tight, clothes get loose. I find the weight gain elements fun, and I can see how food could be involved in a consensual feederism partnership. That said, my sexuality doesn't go into a spin if my partner is not fatter by the day, and all peaks and troughs in weight are backgrounded by the fundamental need for a stable and healthy, sane, mutual relationship. The truth is I'm more vigilant about health than the vast majority of people on here, but I acknowledge my desires and am psychologically sturdy enough to endure putting other things before my fetishistic preferences occasionally; and to sate those desires only when appropriate, and to an extent that is both wise and acceptable.

Are there feeders out there who will surrender to utter, primal desires? Well, there have been a few cases. But shall I perhaps highlight cases where other sexual fetishes have resulted in dangerous abuses? Practices such as knife-play, mummification, fear-play, rape fantasy, servitude, blood-play, breath-play, fire-play have all led to ghastly events, when the limits are removed. And that's what all sexuality is about: limits. Overstep the limit, take it beyond the occasional bit of fun, and it becomes dangerous. But the truth is through these sorts of forums I've encountered dozens of beautiful like-minded people of my age, all of them as healthy as anyone on here can hope to be, who share my desires, but appreciate that it is just a bit of bedroom fun. Look at people like Neko for example, whose weight has often been as low as 140 (I've not communicated with her personally, but I picked her because everyone is aware of her). She's attractive; she's healthy; she's apparently smart, and she is a (presently independent) feedee. She is not being persuaded into gaining weight to please a dominant and insistent partner, and she is certainly a model for thousands of other similar people. 

As a final point, which I hope resounds clearly: reaching a state of obesity and remaining at that weight "unwillingly" is no closer to grace than gaining controlled, relatively minor portions of weight with intention. The fact that you did not wish the extra fat upon your body does not spare you from any of the disgrace you throw at people who identify themselves as practicing feeders and feedees.


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## largenlovely (Oct 16, 2008)

I don't either...live and let live.

we can shout from the roof tops that we're not victims and that feederism is defined in different ways for different people and it's not always such extremes...but these people don't want to hear it...not really...because if they did, they would've heard it in the 450 million other threads on this board concerning the subject. 



Tooz said:


> I guess _I_ just don't understand why people need to "understand" this fetish.


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## Tad (Oct 16, 2008)

I admit I've only read pages 1 & 4 of this thread--I assume pages 2&3 had more of the usual around this topic? 

GoldenDelicious: I totally can understand wanting to understand. Unfortunately this discussion has worn a lot of nerves raw in the past. In fact the very first board split (before these boards were even migrated to Dimensions) was when a board was split off for discussion of feeding issues, because it was upsetting so many of the other posters to keep reading people talking about feeding. And before the web the argument existed in the American fat rights group NAAFA from what I've read. So it is a bit like landing in Belfast and asking "So why doesn't England just give this part of this island back to Ireland anyway?" (except without the bombs). I hope the high emotions haven't bothered you too much.

Back on topic: I identify myself as both feeder and feedee, although I've set out to fatten anyone up nor made any deliberate effort to gain beyond a hedonistic weekend. However I've always been turned on by weight gain in others or in myself, and even my first erotic fantasies were about a group that was in a gaining contest of sorts. It is just the way that I'm wired.

The fact that I'm a feeder and feedee doesn't mean that I have to have that in my life. What I want and what I need and what I seek and what I do can all be different things. To put it another way, if you are out at Tesco with your girlfriend and for some reason get feeling all frisky, you might want to do something with her right then, but you don't. It is a want, not a need, not something you try to make happen, and not something that you do. 

Like any other want, some people give themselves over to it more strongly than others. In some cases that may indeed be to their detriment, or to the detriment of others around them. Like a love of football, or beer, or going fast. The issue lies not so much in the desire, which many people may have, but in the self control to only follow that desire in appropriate amounts, at appropriate times and places. People may of course disagree on what is appropriate 

So that is my standard spiel on the topic, for what it is worth. Best of luck with the thread, I hope it stays civil!


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## EtobicokeFA (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Getting excited about these embarassing inconveniences may bother some women, it's true. That's their right but to give you another perspective, these inconveneinces have always been an issue for me. All the grunting, hip pressing, shoe dangling, car exiting antics are a basic reality for me weather an FA/feeder is there or not. I'm not embarassed about what I have to do but here's the thing: I don't want somebody looking at me feeling sorry for me or being disgusted or put out by the fact that I need them to grab my hands so I can get off the couch. I don't want anyone who is going to view me as an embarassment to them or a cross to bear, that is my only source of anxiety. Somebody looking at it and finding it enjoyable isn't going to send me into the dregs of sorrow and I'm nobody's victim. I'm not saying everyone should feel as I do but the bottom line is if I don't feel guilty then I don't want my family, my kids, my SO feeling that way either. I'm just the way I am and if someone finds it cute or amusing more power to them I say. I don't mind.
> 
> ETA: I just want to add that I don't hold any animosity towards the OP for her post or wanting to come to understanding. I just wanted to set straight a common misconception.



You touch on a good point Lilly. 

One of the brick walls that feedees have (as well as SSBBW/SSBHM) in front of them, is the stereotype that no one given the choice would want to get or stay large enough to have to deal with these inconveniences. And, those who try to claim otherwise, are considered by most to to be in denial. And, this is part of the reason that most people don't believe that a feedee can exist without at least a pro-active feeder. 

I for one, say that it is up to the individual. But, I am sorry to say, that you guys have a up hill battle ahead of you.


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## GWARrior (Oct 16, 2008)

Tooz said:


> I guess _I_ just don't understand why people need to "understand" this fetish.



Human nature, I guess. Humans want to understand everything... God, space, feeding...


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 16, 2008)

EtobicokeFA said:


> You touch on a good point Lilly.
> 
> One of the brick walls that feedees have (as well as SSBBW/SSBHM) in front of them, is the stereotype that no one given the choice would want to get or stay large enough to have to deal with these inconveniences. And, those who try to claim otherwise, are considered by most to to be in denial. And, this is part of the reason that most people don't believe that a feedee can exist without at least a pro-active feeder.
> 
> I for one, say that it is up to the individual. But, I am sorry to say, that you guys have a up hill battle ahead of you.



I don't know Tom. I grew up watching the elders of my family in all size categories grunt and groan when standing or bending to pick things up. They walked slow across the parking lot to enter the stores and I was always curious about such oddities, what it felt like, how they got that way. I announced once to a relative that I would never allow that to happen to me and in his gentle way he chuckled and said this happens to everybody. Not that I was giggling with glee over the prospect but I've resigned myself to the fact that it's a part of getting older. My elders worked hard, bore their burdens and carried themselves with dignity dispite their shortcomings and I resolved to do the same when my turn came. I slow down, I take my time, I plot my course taking my disposition into account. I'm a fat old lady with a family history. I knew this day would come and it doesn't scare me at all nor will I feel guilt or shame over it. That's just my outlook.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 16, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> I don't know the answers to your questions, but I suspect that if you hang around long enough and read the forums, you'll see that there have been a number of discussions about just such issues.
> 
> I did on the other hand have a question for you. Like you, I am sincerely interested in hearing someone's perspective on this:
> 
> ...


Hi Fascinita

I'm sorry if I didn't explain myself well. Mer and I actually feel the same about my size not being an issue. Originally when we first started dating I had told her about previous partners wanting me to be smaller. She said that would never be her as she was rarely attracted to women under a UK dress size 18. At the time I felt that I wanted to lose weight and stated that I would want to be about an 18-20 (am presently approx 26-28) but feel comfortable enough in my own body at 22-24. i just mean with regards to activities that I find more difficult when I am my larger self.

Mergirl actually isn't a feeder, she's an FA. She doesn't want me to gain so I don't know where you got that from unless I was unclear in my OP. To answer your question I actually have been at the receiving end of body control from a previous partner but like I said he wanted me to be thinner and would be very vocal and disapproving if I ate more fattening foods. He would comment on my body shape in certain clothes and make me feel unconfident to wear certain things and never want him to look at me naked. Mergirl is the entire opposite of that, she always tells me I'm beautiful and pays me lots of compliments. She never encourages me to eat or not to eat. She has really helped my body confidence and made me stop worrying about what I weigh and feel generally good about myself. I don't need a partner to make me a confident woman and I have always had high self-esteem but not total body confidence.

I had another ex who was an abusive person, not at first however from the onset he would encourage me to eat and always get take-aways, crisps, sweets and chocolates and one night admitted to me he liked me fatter because he felt there would be less chance of me running off with someone else. He later turned out to be an a busive and very insecure jealous person. This was the reason I originally wanted to know about feeders because of the control thing. All I knew was from the documentary and it was very negative and when one woman spoke about her feeder husband going in moods if she didn't eat enough it reminded me of this relationship I had years ago.

If truth be told Mer has gained acouple of dress sizes since we've been going out and I've told her I don't want her to be my size as I might not be as attracted to her. It's just a personal preference. I actually would still love her and desire her I just don't want her to go through some of the problems that I go through due to being fat. I mean no offence to other big women, I just sometimes get frustrated when I can't fit into the seat at the theatre or have to ask for a seat belt extension on an aeroplane etc It's humiliating and draws attention to the fact that I hardly fit the seat. i don't want someone I love to go through that.

Mer has actually said she wants me to lose weight if I want to, if it will make me happier and will fancy me whatever size I am.

I am in no way settling with her, she is amazing and I love her so much. There is so much I could tell you about her and some of it quite personal to me. I'm so lucky to have her in my life and it is by far the best relationship I have ever been in. Thanks for your interest in me. I think your questions would make a really interesting new thread and hear how other bbw's feel about the subject and find out about past relationships people have learned from.


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## mergirl (Oct 16, 2008)

candygodiva said:


> But what about a feedee that feeds *herself* at the encouragement of a feeder, or feeders, through the magick of the internets, and therefore gains?
> Wanking may or may not be involved... :eat1:


hmmm.. i suppose a feedee who feeds herself at the comand of an internet feeder is like an employee who works from home!? hmm..
I'm just getting wrapped up in symantics though.. and if three feedees who have comented here say you can be a feedee with no feeder involvement then so be it..
but.. what is the difference between a feedee and gainer then??

Anyway.. this post has been really contentious, i kinna told GD that it would be because people have really strong emotions regarding feederism. I couldnt really answer her questions about it as i have only really ever chattered to a few feeders and saw that really one sided documentary. I think it was a shame that this post was taken from the main board and put on the weight board cause it would have been nice to hear from both sides and perhaps some of the fallacies pertaining to feedees/ feeders could be dispelled. Maby its something that will never be agreed on though.. huumm..

xmer


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## EtobicokeFA (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> I don't know Tom. I grew up watching the elders of my family in all size categories grunt and groan when standing or bending to pick things up. They walked slow across the parking lot to enter the stores and I was always curious about such oddities, what it felt like, how they got that way. I announced once to a relative that I would never allow that to happen to me and in his gentle way he chuckled and said this happens to everybody. Not that I was giggling with glee over the prospect but I've resigned myself to the fact that it's a part of getting older. My elders worked hard, bore their burdens and carried themselves with dignity dispite their shortcomings and I resolved to do the same when my turn came. I slow down, I take my time, I plot my course taking my disposition into account. I'm a fat old lady with a family history. I knew this day would come and it doesn't scare me at all nor will I feel guilt or shame over it. That's just my outlook.



Yes, I agree that we get that way as we age. However, I though we where referring to how (let face) weight compounds it, and how it impacts a feedee 's decision regarding weight.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 16, 2008)

Tooz said:


> I guess _I_ just don't understand why people need to "understand" this fetish.


Isn't understanding a good thing? We could all do with more of it. I wanted understanding from actual people in the here and now, not to read some article or negative documentary. If people don't want to participate in responding or giving me an insight into their lives then they don't have to.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 16, 2008)

EtobicokeFA said:


> Yes, I agree that we get that way as we age. However, I though we where referring to how (let face) weight compounds it, and how it impacts a feedee 's decision regarding weight.



Most feedees are thin. Feederism refers to a fetish for gaining, stuffing, getting fat, immobility, etc. It encompases a lot of things and someone may only be stimulated by certain aspects of it and not the others. Feeder/feedee is a broad term. Some feedees are physically unable to be fat and some are physically unable to be thin. We're subject to the same human conditions and restrictions as the rest of the world so being fat would be my station in life even if I wasn't a feedee. Given my family history I have to take seriously the reality of my circumstances just as anyone else would. I'm not wrecklessly choosing to be fat any more than anyone else here is. If there were anything within reason that I could do to improve my health outlook I would and have, but that doesn't mean my desires will change or go away.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 16, 2008)

Ok, I think the OP has grown into something else and it's unfortunate because it started so well with so many varying views and opinions on Feederism and anti-feederism. Yes I wanted understanding and points of view. It might have been the case that there have been 450 billion posts or whatever but unfortunately I don't have time to read those and it is very new to me. I was a little disappointed that some people found the newbe asking for understanding on such a contenscious issue tiresome. I wonder if these are the types of people who tut and huff and sigh whilst driving behind a slow learner driver. I don't because I think back to how it was not to know how to drive and how appreciative I was for the drivers behind me who were patient with me. So again, I respectfully request the well informed of you to have a little patience and respect for those of us who have an open mind and actually still believe we have life to learn from each other and that we don't know it all and think we are 'too cool for school'.

Also I posted it on the main board because I believed it to be a fat issue and not just one for the weight board.

As for the personal hygiene comments I made, perhaps a little graphically. I apologise if I have offended anyone. I don't take it back but appreciate that it might have been uncomfortable for some people for different reasons. I raised it because a very large friend of mine told me that she decided to lose weight when she began to struggle to reach parts of herself and keep herself clean. She was in a relationship with a feeder (although I don't think they knew of the term). He wanted her to gain weight and would throw a strop if she went on a diet. He was also controlling and manipulative. Again adding to my original doubts about feeders. 

I am frank in my views sometimes because I don't believe in sugar coating serious issues. The reason I wanted to know how feeders felt about feeding was because I thought they all wanted to keep feeding and feeding and wondered if they had a conscience if their partner got so fat they struggled to care for themselves etc. I know the feedee has responsibility for their own lives too but I had said in another post that I wouldn't want someone I love to go through some of the difficulties that I experience sometimes due to being fat, e.g having to ask for an extension for the seat belt on aeroplanes and being squashed and uncomfortable for the entire flight. 

I have to say this thread has been an eye opener for me and even though I am sad that some of the posts got a bit overheated I do not regret posting it. Thanks to all of you who gave it thought and took the time to reply.


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## EtobicokeFA (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Most feedees are thin. Feederism refers to a fetish for gaining, stuffing, getting fat, immobility, etc. It encompases a lot of things and someone may only be stimulated by certain aspects of it and not the others. Feeder/feedee is a broad term. Some feedees are physically unable to be fat and some are physically unable to be thin. We're subject to the same human conditions and restrictions as the rest of the world so being fat would be my station in life even if I wasn't a feedee. Given my family history I have to take seriously the reality of my circumstances just as anyone else would. I'm not wrecklessly choosing to be fat any more than anyone else here is. If there were anything within reason that I could do to improve my health outlook I would and have, but that doesn't mean my desires will change or go away.



I am sorry, it seems that I am falling into the same stereotyping traps as well. My apologizes. 

And, this is why we need to have more open discussions about this so we separate the stereotypical beliefs from the facts, thorough the whole SA movement at least.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 16, 2008)

EtobicokeFA said:


> I am sorry, it seems that I am falling into the same stereotyping traps as well. My apologizes.
> 
> And, this is why we need to have more open discussions about this so we separate the stereotypical beliefs from the facts, thorough the whole SA movement at least.


I thnk this is what I was trying to do in the first place.


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## exile in thighville (Oct 16, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> are you saying I should read a few feederism stories and see if I get turned on by them?? That was not the point!!. The point was for me to reach a new understanding of feederism because I originaly thought it was guys who wanted to disable women who were vulnerable and longing to be sexually desirable and so they risked their own health for men who had a fetish to plump them up to a huge capacity in order that would be disabled and never leave them. I wanted to be wrong. I appreciate your responce but you answered like a politician except you talked about "clit wriggling"??? I'm not an Fa or feeder so cant be turned on by that! I wanted understanding not sexual gratification. I do appreciate you taking the time to responde.



There's a middle ground between understanding and sexual gratification...you can see its value as a fetish if you read about it in a sexual context rather than a documentarian one.

If you want the gloves off and the non-"politician" (re: nice guy) answer, I don't think anyone who doesn't have the fetish or interest in indulging it should butt their ass out and it's not their business to "understand" it at all. It's not a museum. When you say you "wanted to be wrong," I mean, boo hoo; abstain from societies of fetishes you don't _like_.

To quote Ice Cube, "If you scared, go to church"


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 16, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Ok, I think the OP has grown into something else and it's unfortunate because it started so well with so many varying views and opinions on Feederism and anti-feederism. Yes I wanted understanding and points of view. It might have been the case that there have been 450 billion posts or whatever but unfortunately I don't have time to read those and it is very new to me. I was a little disappointed that some people found the newbe asking for understanding on such a contenscious issue tiresome. I wonder if these are the types of people who tut and huff and sigh whilst driving behind a slow learner driver. I don't because I think back to how it was not to know how to drive and how appreciative I was for the drivers behind me who were patient with me. So again, I respectfully request the well informed of you to have a little patience and respect for those of us who have an open mind and actually still believe we have life to learn from each other and that we don't know it all and think we are 'too cool for school'.
> 
> Also I posted it on the main board because I believed it to be a fat issue and not just one for the weight board.
> 
> ...



GD, it sounds to me like you are suggesting that the people here soiled your thread by offering opinions you didn't want to hear and made corrections to your misconceptions you didn't wish to be enlightened on. Once again a charge that we have to sit with our hands folded and allow misinformed rhetoric to speak for us without challenge. As you can see for yourself most of us here are also frank in our views and don't believe in sugar coating issues that are serious to us. If you bluntly dish out your true feelings without regard for how it may affect the timid among us you've set the tone and basically told everyone that this is okay to do. And we don't 'have' to do anything. We are not pommel horses or practice dummies obligated to lie still for people to feel and examine any way they like without reprisal. This is not at all like driving behind a learner, it's like being asked, "Do you still beat your wife?" Some may find it inflammatory and will say so.


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## exile in thighville (Oct 16, 2008)

mergirl said:


> hmm..hawwd on a wee min..
> You say people have "views" and they either need to try it or butt out.. I'm not sure thats right, i think you can be ALL for gay rights.. which doesnt mean you have to plant your purple sausage in your boy pals chocolate starfish!!!
> in saying that, i chattered on Dims over 7 years ago and i have chattered to a few feeders. This is not a sexuality i relate to personally, though it in no way shocks me and in many ways i understand the fundementals of it, even though i know that "feeders" are "feeders" for different reasons.
> I dont really get your reference to fake tits actually.. as i suppose it would be akin to someone getting fake fat implants.. but more socially acceptable... still silly though i feel!
> ...



Yeah, who's giving them the press? Threads like this one that continue to obsess over "what ifs" that could conceivably happen, just like it's totally possible Barack Obama could chainsaw my family to death if he made the trip out. If your worst nightmare is extremis in bed, don't participate in extremis in bed. If you're here to warn people that the sky is falling, you sound like Chicken Little. 



TraciJo67 said:


> THIS discussion is about an extreme. But it will be turned into something else. It always is.



Didn't you tell us to screw off and bolt?


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> GD, it sounds to me like you are suggesting that the people here soiled your thread by offering opinions you didn't want to hear and made corrections to your misconceptions you didn't wish to be enlightened on. Once again a charge that we have to sit with our hands folded and allow misinformed rhetoric to speak for us without challenge. As you can see for yourself most of us here are also frank in our views and don't believe in sugar coating issues that are serious to us. If you bluntly dish out your true feelings without regard for how it may affect the timid among us you've set the tone and basically told everyone that this is okay to do. And we don't 'have' to do anything. We are not pommel horses or practice dummies obligated to lie still for people to feel and examine any way they like without reprisal. This is not at all like driving behind a learner, it's like being asked, "Do you still beat your wife?" Some may find it inflammatory and will say so.


That is entirely untrue!!! I was actually saying that my eyes have been opened regarding feederism and I have a different point of view than before. I was saying it was a shame that people got heat up about other points, some over defensive and some lacking in understanding for those different to themselves. You have misunderstood and in turn misquoted me. I don't think anyone 'soiled my thread' at all and have in actual fact found a few interesting people from it that I look forward to hearing again, feeders and feedees included. I think you sound a little agressive in your tone which saddens me because I have found you interesting in previous posts.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 16, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> That is entirely untrue!!! I was actually saying that my eyes have been opened regarding feederism and I have a different point of view than before. I was saying it was a shame that people got heat up about other points, some over defensive and some lacking in understanding for those different to themselves. You have misunderstood and in turn misquoted me. I don't think anyone 'soiled my thread' at all and have in actual fact found a few interesting people from it that I look forward to hearing again, feeders and feedees included. I think you sound a little agressive in your tone which saddens me because I have found you interesting in previous posts.



Like I said before, I was understanding your post to mean exactly what I posted. If I misunderstood you I apologize. You weren't specific about which posts exactly were a shame to you which leaves lots of room for people to assume and misunderstand you. Thank you for clarifying.


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## exile in thighville (Oct 16, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> That is entirely untrue!!! I was actually saying that my eyes have been opened regarding feederism and I have a different point of view than before. I was saying it was a shame that people got heat up about other points, some over defensive and some lacking in understanding for those different to themselves. You have misunderstood and in turn misquoted me. I don't think anyone 'soiled my thread' at all and have in actual fact found a few interesting people from it that I look forward to hearing again, feeders and feedees included. I think you sound a little agressive in your tone which saddens me because I have found you interesting in previous posts.



Since when is aggression uninteresting?

I think it was pretty whoa to have said I "sound like a politician" when you claim to be searching for middle ground regarding a fetish of extremes, so don't act like you're not bringing the heat.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 16, 2008)

hay! I dont mean to derail this awesome thread or whutever but i think i met the purfect feeder and she is all sweet ans nice and i am goin to drive out to her place this weekend and i know she will understand my limits and i dont think she is manipulative at all so ill show all you naysayers that feederism isnt all bad :0)

hold on she said itz cool that i can post a picture of her. she is so pretty. 












:wubu::wubu::wubu:


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## exile in thighville (Oct 16, 2008)

I fed McCain once. Weird guy.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Like I said before, I was understanding your post to mean exactly what I posted. If I misunderstood you I apologize. You weren't specific about which posts exactly were a shame to you which leaves lots of room for people to assume and misunderstand you. Thank you for clarifying.


Ok, no worries


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## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 16, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> I fed McCain once. Weird guy.



Did you feed him brains?! Every time I see a picture of him online, I'm all like.

ZOMBIEEEES!!! AHHHHH !! and I run around the house gathering supplies and boarding up the windows .. finally I sit back down and I'm like *takes closer look* oh goddammit, it's just John McCain looking terrifying 

.. and than I wonder if we can .. teach it .. to communicate


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 16, 2008)

Well you are agressive and you are boring me so much I'm logging off for the night. cheerio!

p.s Feederism doesn't have to be a fetish of extremes that is private and personal in every relationship, unless of course all of the other really interesting people who have replied to my OP were lying?

Stop being so argumentative in an agressive manner when there is no call for it. Please! You are just making yourself look bad. At least I came to dims with an open mind.


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## exile in thighville (Oct 16, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Well you are agressive and you are boring me so much I'm logging off for the night. cheerio!
> 
> p.s Feederism doesn't have to be a fetish of extremes that is private and personal in every relationship, unless of course all of the other really interesting people who have replied to my OP were lying?
> 
> Stop being so argumentative in an agressive manner when there is no call for it. Please! You are just making yourself look bad. At least I came to dims with an open mind.



...cheerio.


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## Haunted (Oct 16, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> hay! I dont mean to derail this awesome thread or whutever but i think i met the purfect feeder and she is all sweet ans nice and i am goin to drive out to her place this weekend and i know she will understand my limits and i dont think she is manipulative at all so ill show all you naysayers that feederism isnt all bad :0)
> 
> hold on she said itz cool that i can post a picture of her. she is so pretty.
> 
> ...



DUDE She Is Hawt with a Capital H and from what i hear An excellent Bedside Manner. A Bit obsessive with her romance Novels Though


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## missy_blue_eyez (Oct 16, 2008)

So, I opened this thread and proved myself right. It turned into the usual preconceptions of 'poor little tormented, controlled feedee'. 

I am the first one to hold my hand up and say that, feederism is a fetish<<<< seee FETISH, that just doesnt float my boat. Along with many other fetish's, I dunno, S&M, rape fantasies, daddies and daughters! They are all fetishes. 

I forgot who said it but, they were right when they said something along the lines of 'you do not all of a sudden become massive over night.' Its true, people who partake in such fetishes do not all of a sudden blimp in the space of 24 hours after eating a calorific meal! (Although Im sure thats another fetish in itself!) 

The open and honest feeders/feedees on here are the ones who are obviously in consentual situations, they are aware and understanding of the acts in which they CHOOSE to partake within. 

Its unfortunate that documentaries like that one go around but they are shocking and shocking for a reason.....RATINGS!!!! Do not believe everything you see/read within the media as we are only told what they feel is going to get them better air-time. 

I also again, agree with Lilly! There are so many feedee's on here who talk about this, but yet everyone brushes them to the side and still goes on bashing the feeders! The one only exists with the help of the other? Surely, whether it be within a physical or online relationship...and yes alot of feeder/feedee's do co-exist through online etc encouragement and gratification! Im pretty new to the whole understanding of it all but I have seen lots to get a decent understanding.

GD, seriously, not to offend you in anyway, but I have read a few of your posts here and it there was a statement that I read on here when I first joined which read something along the lines of 'The only people who hate fat people, are fat people.' You seem so negative regarding your body and yourself and its really upsetting, the way you described in one post how you empathised with larger woman and how they feel because you are one, but from seeing this forum, have you come to the understanding yet that not all of us, as bbw's/ssbbw's hate ourselves? How we look? How we act etc? I hope you begin to see the beauty in not only yourself, but other larger woman. Take it from us, food, fa's, feeder's etc are not the enemy, our own pre-conceptions, and bad body image is. Fix that and your onto a winner! 

I hope none of this comes across as derogatory in any way. I am not out to attack at all. And I wish you the best of luck in finding that much needed body confidence!

x


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## missy_blue_eyez (Oct 16, 2008)

Oh....and 

P.S

View attachment exile.jpg


Straight to the point and on the money as always!


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## Fascinita (Oct 16, 2008)

What is meant by "body confidence," exactly?

I'd really like to know. 

It's a term that's talked about as though, whatever "body confidence" is, it's surely equal to the pot of gelt at the end of rainbow. 

Those who feel they have "it" are constantly telling everyone else that they need to get it. Those who don't feel they have "it," are always apologizing because they haven't been able to get "it" and wishing that they could find "it."

For that matter, what is a feeder? What is a BBW?

Can't we cut the excess BS and just support and challenge one another without resorting to abstract talk that never means the same things to any two people, anyway? It gets a little frustrating when we're essentially using semantic devices to bludgeon one another.


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## Shosh (Oct 16, 2008)

I do not have any body confidence. I struggle with that everyday. I see others here with it, and I question what is wrong with myself that I just cannot pull it together to come to terms with it?


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## Fascinita (Oct 16, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I do not have any body confidence. I struggle with that everyday. I see others here with it, and I question what is wrong with myself that I just cannot pull it together to come to terms with it?



Susannah,

How would that confidence manifest itself?

I guess I'm not sure what's meant by the term.

That's why I'm interested in pinning down exactly how people think that abstract concept manifests itself.


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## Shosh (Oct 16, 2008)

I guess it would manifest in me not downing myself all the time.

I criticize myself all the time, and when I go past a mirror I look down and not into it.

I hate pics of myself, and I wonder why this is my lot to struggle with in life.

I see all the imperfections of my body and I know that they cannot be remedied.

I feel that by being here I should be more confident, but I cannot seem to be.

I hope this is not taking the thread off track with the feederism stuff. Sorry.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 16, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Susannah,
> 
> How would that confidence manifest itself?
> 
> ...



We don't know Fascinita. The OP said, "I don't need a partner to make me a confident woman and I have always had high self-esteem *but not total body confidence*." (emphasis mine) We assume it's a private matter and no one wishes to probe or demand that she elaborate, we're just taking her word for it and wishing her well.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 16, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I guess it would manifest in me not downing myself all the time.
> 
> I criticize myself all the time, and when I go past a mirror I look down and not into it.
> 
> ...



(((((Susanna)))))) I hear you *so* well in this post, and I wish I could hug it all away for you but I can't.  You're a beautiful light to us.


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## Fascinita (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> We don't know Fascinita. The OP said, "I don't need a partner to make me a confident woman and I have always had high self-esteem *but not total body confidence*." (emphasis mine) We assume it's a private matter and no one wishes to probe or demand that she elaborate, we're just taking her word for it and wishing her well.



No one is asking you to demand anything so I'd appreciate it if you would not suggest that.

I asked Susannah how she envisioned "body confidence" might manifest itself because I am curious about what _she _meant by it. I'm also curious about what is meant by it when I see it used on this board, in general.

If you don't know what body confidence means as a term--a term relevant in this thread precisely because people _have _been talking about "body confidence" here--maybe the best course of reaction to my questions is to bow out?

Thanks.


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## Fascinita (Oct 16, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I guess it would manifest in me not downing myself all the time.
> 
> I criticize myself all the time, and when I go past a mirror I look down and not into it.
> 
> ...



Susannah, Thanks for this response. I appreciate your willingness to be open and "real" about a topic that may be very personal. This is helpful.

I don't think this vein of inquiry takes the thread off track. I think the OP suggests in her first post that she wonders how her feelings about her body might relate to her reactions to the feeder movie. 

I _will _have more to say later. Still at work


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 16, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> No one is asking you to demand anything so I'd appreciate it if you would not suggest that.
> 
> I asked Susannah how she envisioned "body confidence" might manifest itself because I am curious about what _she _meant by it. I'm also curious about what is meant by it when I see it used on this board, in general.
> 
> ...



I was speaking for myself if that's ok, and was referring to your first post on the subject which asked the general question of everyone which I thought included me. The OP was the first to mention body confidence.


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## Shosh (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> (((((Susanna)))))) I hear you *so* well in this post, and I wish I could hug it all away for you but I can't.  You're a beautiful light to us.



Thank you so much. And likewise you are to me. 



Fascinita said:


> Susannah, Thanks for this response. I appreciate your willingness to be open and "real" about a topic that may be very personal. This is helpful.
> 
> I don't think this vein of inquiry takes the thread off track. I think the OP suggests in her first post that she wonders how her feelings about her body might relate to her reactions to the feeder movie.
> 
> I _will _have more to say later. Still at work




Glad I could help. I am working on these issues, and I hope to come to terms with them.


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## Ample Pie (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Haunted I must respectfully disagree. I'm sure it feels good to have someone inquire in a respectful way as to your thoughts and emotions. What I take issue with is this continued insistence that feedees are weak desperate victims that will do anything in exchange for affection and admiration. This has been a consistent ragdoll argument here. We are practically invisible in every discussion and when one of us tries to say something we're essentially told to shut up because nobody was talking to us. What the hell! And feeders give dignity to these kinds of insinuations by participating, essentially saying that any person they get involved with is indeed a victim that they just happen to choose to treat well via their moral convictions which is utter nonsense and just as marginalizing.



Thank you, Lilly.



Tooz said:


> I guess _I_ just don't understand why people need to "understand" this fetish.


x3 
I get curiosity, but I'll never understand the need to put people under the microscope to sate it. It makes people feel like freaks, whether they are or are not. 

There's a giant bored of information here on this subject, and while I hope GD gets good balanced answers, I think the answers are painfully obvious: it's a fetish like all fetishes, there are limits and there are boundaries. When taken to the extreme, it can go badly, just like any fetish/act/etc. Extremists are rarities.


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## Fascinita (Oct 16, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> I was speaking for myself if that's ok, and was referring to your first post on the subject which asked the general question of everyone which I thought included me. The OP was the first to mention body confidence.



In that case, forgive me for reading your post differently, Lilly.


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## Shosh (Oct 17, 2008)

I have been thinking about the whole feeding issue and I have to say that I think I would really enjoy eating as much as I wanted and when I wanted, all day long etc. 

I do not think I would enjoy the weight gain or being excessively big etc though.

One out of two aint bad though.:bow:


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 17, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> In that case, forgive me for reading your post differently, Lilly.



No problem Fascinita.


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## mergirl (Oct 17, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> I don't know the answers to your questions, but I suspect that if you hang around long enough and read the forums, you'll see that there have been a number of discussions about just such issues.
> 
> I did on the other hand have a question for you. Like you, I am sincerely interested in hearing someone's perspective on this:
> 
> ...


Facinita,
If i asked your girlfriend if she was only with you because she didnt really have any other dating options you would think i was a big shit stirrer!
Firstly, i am actually not a feeder. I really couldnt care less whether people thought i was or not because, im not and have never been anti any fetish between concentual adults, but this actually proves that once again you have misinterpreted and misunderstood whats been said and shot off your big trap in a way that i think you HOPE will antagonise people! (this time me)
Secondly, there are no "deal breakers" in my relationship with GD. You have taken what was said out of context and put your own spin on it. When i first started dating GD She was worried that her body wasnt attractive and i told her that i am normally never attracted to people under a size 16. This was in no way to tell her i wouldnt find her attractive at that size it was to reasure her that i found her attractive at the size she was and to reasure her i WAS into big women and want just pretending!..
Anyway, i suppose i dont have to explain myself but your post really anoyed me. Firstly because you obviously didnt bother to read the posts properly then you go on to purposefully antagonise the situation by posing the question about "big women staying with partners they are just "settling" with because of low self esteem!!?? Whats with you?! seriously?! Is it that you genuinly wanted to know these things but just have really inadequate social skills or were you trying to provoke some sort of reaction? Ive seen you doing this with people on other posts too. Perhaps in this case it was a type of transference, where you feel you are settling with your partner because of your own poor self image?? who knows.. 
Anyway, i think from now on i will be staying out of your way.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 17, 2008)

Chill out, Mergirl. I think Fascinita is just trying to understand you better. I mean, it's not like this has to be a sensitive process, right?

I think I am going to have to get pretty drunk before I can interpret any of this shit better though. 

BRB.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 17, 2008)

Hey Missy blue eyes, Thanks for your post. I did not take offence and yes perhaps I have discussed the downsides that come from being fat more than the positive. I know some people might not like to hear the negatives but it is a daily life that I live and I will discuss ups and downs in a place where I think other big women will relate and understand. I don't mean to bring anyone down either in their own esteem or in their mood by being negative. I think though, the people who have ever felt humiliated watching everyone on a plane watching the cabin crew bring you the big bright orange seatbelt extension (to go with your black seat belt) will know that I'm not being trite. These are things I genuinely struggle with. I don't think we should repress how we feel in our struggles just because it might make some people uncomfortable. There are lots I love about being big and I know I haven't said enough about that but I fully intend to.

I just want to make it clear though, I don't find other big women repulsive and many are extremely sexy. It's not my personal preference to find them sexy in a way I'd want to have them but is that any worse that guys who prefer brunettes to blondes or large breasts to small? I would never bring other women down intentionally, especially a fat woman because as a fat woman I know how it feels to have my weight used against me as a source of ridicule.

I don't think feeders are the enemy either and originally the post was bringing good insight to some people who did not know enough about it. I received many private messages telling me so. However some people did get very heat up about it and others were tired of it because apparently it always starts a flame war, being new here I didn't know it would get such a reaction, although mer did say it has in the past been quite a contenscious issue. 

My next thread will be a happy one


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 17, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I guess it would manifest in me not downing myself all the time.
> 
> I criticize myself all the time, and when I go past a mirror I look down and not into it.
> 
> ...


Thanks susannah

I guess body confidence is different things to different people but you sound like you have low self-esteem ontop of a poor self-image. I don't know why, you seem like a really nice person. When I talk of body confidence I mean just things I think I'd feel more confident about in my body if were a little different. I have high self esteem and self confidence in my every day life, in my job and know I'm a worthwhile person and beautiful on the inside. On the outside there are times when I'd like to change some things or feel a bit less outgoing in social situations, for me body confidence woul mean feeling good all the time and not feeling more confident in certain clothes or in certain situations, e.g on the beach on holiday.

I think you should consider going on a self-esteem building course, have you ever done this? I went on one years ago and it changed the way I look at life. I'll tell you more bout it privately if you are interested I'll mesage you. I don't mena to sound patronising in any way here, it's just something some people wouldn't consider would help them. But hen I've read loads of self-help books in the past too, lol.


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## mergirl (Oct 17, 2008)

Bgb, telling people to chill out generally never helps them to actually chill out! Think it would be best just to get drunk actually.
p.s Hope your date went well i bet you understood her really well, she seemed really nice.


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## mergirl (Oct 17, 2008)

missy_blue_eyez said:


> So, I opened this thread and proved myself right. It turned into the usual preconceptions of 'poor little tormented, controlled feedee'.
> 
> 
> x



I think after a few pretty strong fedee's speaking out in this thread that those misconceptions have been quashed!
Which i think makes this thread a positive one!


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## EtobicokeFA (Oct 17, 2008)

mergirl said:


> I think after a few pretty strong feedee's speaking out in this thread that those misconceptions have been quashed!
> Which i think makes this thread a positive one!



And a very needed one!


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## mergirl (Oct 17, 2008)

EtobicokeFA said:


> And a very needed one!


I thought so too. And i think once all the initial ruffled feathers have been ..erm well, unruffled and people feel less attacked (though i can understand why they would feel that because of past events) i think this could be an interesting and insightful thread. I think especially to educate people away from the afore mentioned image of feedee's in passive roles etc etc. 

xmer


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## missy_blue_eyez (Oct 17, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Hey Missy blue eyes, Thanks for your post. I did not take offence and yes perhaps I have discussed the downsides that come from being fat more than the positive. I know some people might not like to hear the negatives but it is a daily life that I live and I will discuss ups and downs in a place where I think other big women will relate and understand. I don't mean to bring anyone down either in their own esteem or in their mood by being negative. I think though, the people who have ever felt humiliated watching everyone on a plane watching the cabin crew bring you the big bright orange seatbelt extension (to go with your black seat belt) will know that I'm not being trite. These are things I genuinely struggle with. I don't think we should repress how we feel in our struggles just because it might make some people uncomfortable. There are lots I love about being big and I know I haven't said enough about that but I fully intend to.
> 
> I just want to make it clear though, I don't find other big women repulsive and many are extremely sexy. It's not my personal preference to find them sexy in a way I'd want to have them but is that any worse that guys who prefer brunettes to blondes or large breasts to small? I would never bring other women down intentionally, especially a fat woman because as a fat woman I know how it feels to have my weight used against me as a source of ridicule.



I can relate to everything you have stated in this post as being negative sides to being overweight. I myself am a size 26 and weight around 20 odd stone, so Im no stranger to it either. I have had to have extenders bought to me, broken chairs, ripped trousers, have a uniform at work that dosent fasten properly around my bust! I understand the ridicule you have/do feel, Im not trying to turn this into a competition. Just maybe try seeing the ligher side to it instead of being so down on yourself! So your bigger...its not the end of the world. (no patronising tone intended) I also wasnt expecting you to 'repress' your thoughts and feelings about being plus-sized. Dimensions is a place that has helped me loads in feeling much more comfortable about the size I am. Granted I havent always been as confident as I am, but I have never hated my body to such an extreme point.

The reason I pointed out the body confident aspect to your post is because, sometimes, as it has been seen on here, the feeder/feedee debate comes across as a bit of a witch hunt and an outlet for repressed anger about our feelings on fatness........i.e 'oh my god, how can you want someone to be that fat, Im fat I know what its like its awful, your awful'...yes this isnt a direct quote from anybody here, and I am not at all implying that the above scenario was ever your intent from your post but, I just merely wanted you to see that without our fatness in the first place, these FA's, feeders etc probably wouldnt be around. And, neither, (before anybody on here gets on my case and starts being snidey as a few posters here seem to love) am I suggesting that we are the cause of it. Merely just saying that the one does not co-exist without the other.

Im glad you have found some clarification from what has been posted here. And, as well wished before, hope that you find the confidence you feel you need to continue to be a plus sized lady, or to lose whatever it is you need to, to make you feel comfortable and happy.

Anyway, continue!


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## Mikey (Oct 17, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I have been thinking about the whole feeding issue and I have to say that I think I would really enjoy eating as much as I wanted and when I wanted, all day long etc.
> 
> I do not think I would enjoy the weight gain or being excessively big etc though.
> 
> One out of two aint bad though.:bow:



The right man would likely make any gain a pleasant experience, ie worshiping and paying major attention to the additional curves and size!!! 

In addition, having seen some photos of you, I would say you are gorgeous by ANY standards!!! Apparently, many others here concurr!!! :smitten:


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## Ample Pie (Oct 18, 2008)

mergirl said:


> I think after a few pretty strong fedee's speaking out in this thread that those misconceptions have been quashed!
> Which i think makes this thread a positive one!



unaided by your need to defend your g/f against attacks that never were, I might add.


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## Shosh (Oct 18, 2008)

Mikey said:


> The right man would likely make any gain a pleasant experience, ie worshiping and paying major attention to the additional curves and size!!!
> 
> In addition, having seen some photos of you, I would say you are gorgeous by ANY standards!!! Apparently, many others here concurr!!! :smitten:



HaHa thanks Mikey. Guess what I have gained 8 kgs in the last six months.

You are so nice.


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## kayrae (Oct 18, 2008)

I'm pretty new to size acceptance. For myself, I have (for the most part) accepted my fat. I don't understand feederism, and yes, I want to know more about it. Because let's face it, it's not something most people would understand, or even know about. I most certainly didn't even know it existed until about 2 months ago.

To be honest, I'd rather just ask questions from a feeder/feedee rather than read it from a thread. So much can be misconstrued from written aswers and questions.


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## Shosh (Oct 18, 2008)

kayrae said:


> I'm pretty new to size acceptance. For myself, I have (for the most part) accepted my fat. I don't understand feederism, and yes, I want to know more about it. Because let's face it, it's not something most people would understand, or even know about. I most certainly didn't even know it existed until about 2 months ago.
> 
> To be honest, I'd rather just ask questions from a feeder/feedee rather than read it from a thread. So much can be misconstrued from written aswers and questions.



I have wondered how common the fetish is, because how will you learn about it if you never get the chance to meet a feeder/feedee?

This may be the only place that people not familiar with feeding can learn about it.


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## kayrae (Oct 18, 2008)

Exactly. Anyone want to school me one-on-one? HaHa


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## mergirl (Oct 18, 2008)

rebecca, give it a rest. Just because you Pm'ed my gf all apologetic saying you wernt anoyed at her and she said that if you thought i was arguing with you it was probs because i was defending her doesnt MAKE it so. If i was arguing with you it would be because i didnt agree with your points!!.
For fuck sake.. And i was even conceading that if feedees want to be called "feedees" even when by themselves then why not.. then i said that it would be an interesting debate because some strong feedees have come forward to speak, obviously that included you, but still you have to get your wee bit in.. you were defensive, fair enough and agressive in tone to both Max Awsome and myself..you can look it up for yourself.. its like your second post or something!?


you were also a bit sarcastic and degrading towards those who have a differing oppinion from you:


Rebecca said:


> I made no claims about the morality of this discussion or this fetish, but I AM allowed to comment on my views seeing as I actually participate in the fetish rather than sit in my house wringing my hands and saying "won't someone please think of the fatties."




Anf of course Totally contradictary:


Rebecca said:


> For the record, I didn't JUMP on the defensive. This thread is another example of the tendency to forget there are [at least] TWO people involved in a feeder/feedee relationship.
> 
> 
> "My belly is the white whale of the online feedismcommunity."
> ...


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## mergirl (Oct 18, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I have wondered how common the fetish is, because how will you learn about it if you never get the chance to meet a feeder/feedee?
> 
> This may be the only place that people not familiar with feeding can learn about it.


Exactly, ive never met a feeder in real life that i know of. Except for two of my friends have had boyfriends who tried to make them fatter so that they would stay with them, but it wasnt for a sexual reason and also the mum types that are only happy when you have eaten so much you cant move. Ive never actually met any feeders or feedees for that matter for whom its a sexuality in real life.


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## Shosh (Oct 18, 2008)

mergirl said:


> Exactly, ive never met a feeder in real life that i know of. Except for two of my friends have had boyfriends who tried to make them fatter so that they would stay with them, but it wasnt for a sexual reason and also the mum types that are only happy when you have eaten so much you cant move. Ive never actually met any feeders or feedees for that matter for whom its a sexuality in real life.



My grandmother was Jewish and a feeder. I am serious. It is in my genetix


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## mergirl (Oct 18, 2008)

Susannah said:


> My grandmother was Jewish and a feeder. I am serious. It is in my genetix


yeah i was going to say Jewish, Indian and Irish mothers are supposedly the worst!! lol


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## mergirl (Oct 18, 2008)

mergirl said:


> yeah i was going to say Jewish, Indian and Irish mothers are supposedly the worst!! lol


erm, the worst for feeding you not the worst at mothering btw! lol


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 18, 2008)

kayrae said:


> I'm pretty new to size acceptance. For myself, I have (for the most part) accepted my fat. I don't understand feederism, and yes, I want to know more about it. Because let's face it, it's not something most people would understand, or even know about. I most certainly didn't even know it existed until about 2 months ago.
> 
> To be honest, I'd rather just ask questions from a feeder/feedee rather than read it from a thread. So much can be misconstrued from written aswers and questions.



A couple of things. First, what's the difference between this thread, the other threads and the new threads that will be started over and over and over and over again throughout the years here from the curious? People are not thrilled with the prospect of repeating their stories for a fresh perspective when there are fresh perspectives that have been repeated repeatedly in repeat threads that have been repeated. That's pretty much what throws regulars into a towering rage every time a thread like this starts.

Second, if you meet a feeder in person you are going to get that feeder's perspective and experiences. Therefore you have great knowledge about Theodore Xavier Magillicuddy's feeder fantasies, which is meaningless on the whole. Here you can read a thread with countless perspectives and search for the common ground. Pick a thread, any thread. Somebody even went to the trouble of taking two prominent threads on the subjec and posting them as a sticky at the top of the board for one and all to browse through. You can even post there if you like but please don't ask again. 

How many times must you explain to every new person you encounter how you broke your leg? Before mid day you're exasperated, by the end of the day you're bitter, by the end of the week you want to type up cards and hand them out. People might say, "Gees, what a grouch. Why so defensive?" which will merely make you more angry. Congratulations. You have had the misfortune to break your leg which elects you the cheerful indentured servant to any curious person who stops you and wants to know how it happend. For anything at all like this eventually it gets annoying and the person you meet in person might not want to answer you and may get downright testy about it. Hoping to learn from someone you know comes with risk that may not be worth it.

And before anyone misunderstands, this is NOT typed or intended in a hostile or aggressive way. I'm just saying.


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## mergirl (Oct 18, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> A couple of things. First, what's the difference between this thread, the other threads and the new threads that will be started over and over and over and over again throughout the years here from the curious? People are not thrilled with the prospect of repeating their stories for a fresh perspective when there are fresh perspectives that have been repeated repeatedly in repeat threads that have been repeated. That's pretty much what throws regulars into a towering rage every time a thread like this starts.
> 
> Second, if you meet a feeder in person you are going to get that feeder's perspective and experiences. Therefore you have great knowledge about Theodore Xavier Magillicuddy's feeder fantasies, which is meaningless on the whole. Here you can read a thread with countless perspectives and search for the common ground. Pick a thread, any thread. Somebody even went to the trouble of taking two prominent threads on the subjec and posting them as a sticky at the top of the board for one and all to browse through. You can even post there if you like but please don't ask again.
> 
> ...


Firstly i need to see if i can rep you for mentioning Theodore Xavier Magillicuddy. Hes a good guy and well, my best friend! lol
I can get that people will get pissed off if they are constantly asked about being this way or that and my advice to them would be just not to post. I think some people enjoy telling thier stories and just as there are new people who will want to hear feeder/feedee stories there will be new feeder/feedees who will want to tell em. 
I think the only way you can ever really get an insight into a sexuality/fetish IS by looking at lots of peoples subjective qualitative stories, then you end up realising that everyone is different anyway even though they have been grouped together somehow.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 18, 2008)

mergirl said:


> Firstly i need to see if i can rep you for mentioning Theodore Xavier Magillicuddy. Hes a good guy and well, my best friend! lol
> I can get that people will get pissed off if they are constantly asked about being this way or that and my advice to them would be just not to post. I think some people enjoy telling thier stories and just as there are new people who will want to hear feeder/feedee stories there will be new feeder/feedees who will want to tell em.
> I think the only way you can ever really get an insight into a sexuality/fetish IS by looking at lots of peoples subjective qualitative stories, then you end up realising that everyone is different anyway even though they have been grouped together somehow.



I get you about refraining from posting. The problem with that is when somebody says, "I tret my wimmens lik queen, long as day's don spit out the toob," People can't just sit there. Also when somebody says, "I'm not a feddee and gosh golly if I don't know a gawd damn thing about it but I think theyz all....... an dat's haw ma 'pinion is," that's hard not to pass up either. It always draws new people from all directions and ignites the flame war all over again. 

ETA: I understand that this wont stop noobs from posting new threads but each and every thread is guaranteed to erupt into a flame war for sure. I just wish people would point to the sticky thread immediately each time it happens.


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## LalaCity (Oct 18, 2008)

mergirl said:


> yeah i was going to say Jewish, Indian and Irish mothers are supposedly the worst!! lol



Don't forget Italian, Polish, Mexican...a _lot_ of cultures have generous notions about food and the supplying of loved ones with sufficient sustenance...


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## collared Princess (Oct 18, 2008)

As a feedee I will add even though contrary to popular belief...it is no different than a couple taking up bungie jumping or extreme sports..its just taking a walk on the wild side when most people like to stay on the sidewalk..as long as 2 people are consenting then it is no different than BDSM wich is hot as well !!!!!..Treasure Bombshell


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## Mikey (Oct 19, 2008)

Susannah said:


> HaHa thanks Mikey. Guess what I have gained 8 kgs in the last six months.
> 
> You are so nice.



I just call em as I see em!!! 

8kgs....you must be enjoying yourself!! Good for you!!! :kiss2:


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## mergirl (Oct 20, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> I get you about refraining from posting. The problem with that is when somebody says, "I tret my wimmens lik queen, long as day's don spit out the toob," People can't just sit there. Also when somebody says, "I'm not a feddee and gosh golly if I don't know a gawd damn thing about it but I think theyz all....... an dat's haw ma 'pinion is," that's hard not to pass up either. It always draws new people from all directions and ignites the flame war all over again.
> 
> ETA: I understand that this wont stop noobs from posting new threads but each and every thread is guaranteed to erupt into a flame war for sure. I just wish people would point to the sticky thread immediately each time it happens.


right.. i get that too.. I was actually going to suggest that perhaps of the flame war people were directed to the sticky and if anyone else wanted to add to that thy could. Btw, you do a great "deliverence" accent.. i was slightly frightened and could hear a faint banjo in the distance..!!lol

xmer


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 20, 2008)

mergirl said:


> right.. i get that too.. I was actually going to suggest that perhaps of the flame war people were directed to the sticky and if anyone else wanted to add to that thy could. Btw, you do a great "deliverence" accent.. i was slightly frightened and could hear a faint banjo in the distance..!!lol
> 
> xmer



lol. Thanks Mer. My parents' Southern drawl makes discussions so much more fun. No banjo, just a pleasant craving for fried fish and Frank's Hot Sauce that seems to strike every time I use it. :wubu:


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## Lovelyone (Oct 21, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> *snip*... gain in weight untill they need you to wipe their ass when they shit because they can't reach the little bit between their anus and their vagina? Ok I say this because I can reach myself everyhwhere and clean myself everywhere and am active and fit for my size bit part of me knows if I was fatter I know I wouldn't reach properly so how can larger to gaining to the point of imobility be sexy, surley loss of personal hygeine isn't sexy?


 
I couldn't let this go because this is such a stereotypical response from most fat bashers. "oh, you are too fat to wipe your own ass. Oh you are too fat to take a shower. Wow that woman is so fat she might explode" COME ON!!!

I can tell you that as a 550 lb. woman I can reach EVERY part of my body. I wipe my own derriere, I use soap, brush my teeth, and wash my hair. I shave my armpits and use deodorant. I shave my own legs (and at 46 inches around each that can be a chore) Just because I am FATTER than you are, does not mean that I am not clean. 

As for feedee/feederism, its not my cup of tea, but I can appreciate that others DO like to do such things. Feederism isnt ALWAYS about weight gain, either. I don't look down on someone that is a feedee/feeder because there are too many times as a fat person that I have been looked down on just because I was bigger. Can't we all just accept that its a personal choice, and leave it be at that? Does it always have to be "the monster in the closet"?


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## collared Princess (Oct 21, 2008)

as a 600 pound woman I cant reach and it is so good to have a F.A that thinks Im sexy even if he has to help me clean myself..it is very liberating to know that no matter what IM always sexy in HIS eyes..he loves it that Im to fat to reach to fat to clean myself and he loves being the one who cleans me..it makes the relationship stronger when you have to rely on someone for delicate needs..to each his own I suppose..I have no problams with not being able to take care of myself while others may see it as a loss of power and that it is a horrible thing..for US it has brought us closer...


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## No-No-Badkitty (Oct 21, 2008)

Susannah said:


> So there is the element of just fantasy with a lot of feedees and feeders, and most would not take it to the extreme level ie weight gain etc?
> 
> Some of the feedees/feeders would also have to hide their fetish from their families too I imagine for fear of disapproval etc.
> 
> I have wondered just how prevalent the fetish is out there. Are there many feedees and feeders?




I admit the whole, feedee-feeder thing is new to me. I guess it just never dawned on me that people would be aroused by feeding or being fed. HOWEVER, since I have come to realize that this is an actual fetish, how COMMON it is in our society has really hit me between the eyes.
Most commonly? In fantasy books, often very popular fantasy books, expecially with night dwelling creatures such as vampires (Laurell K. Hamilton for example)...the feeding or giving for a feed is almost alwasy "arousing" in some aspect. In JR Ward's book, she takes it to another level, her vampire eat normal food and one of the "erotic" things that they do with females that they are persuing is "feed them" from their plate. One of the most erotic things a woman can do for her male is to prepare him food and or feed him.
What about popular video games (maybe I am reaching?)PacMan? what about Kirby (doesn't he eat till he pops or something) Board games, hungry-hungry hippo. 
Or in movies where food is exchanged before a love scene.
I really think that feeding and being fed is faaaaar more common than we admit...that maybe even on some primal subconscious level the connection between food and sex runs on the same lines....they are after all, the two basic absolutes for species survival.

Just a thought.


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## KHayes666 (Oct 21, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> I couldn't let this go because this is such a stereotypical response from most fat bashers. "oh, you are too fat to wipe your own ass. Oh you are too fat to take a shower. Wow that woman is so fat she might explode" COME ON!!!
> 
> I can tell you that as a 550 lb. woman I can reach EVERY part of my body. I wipe my own derriere, I use soap, brush my teeth, and wash my hair. I shave my armpits and use deodorant. I shave my own legs (and at 46 inches around each that can be a chore) Just because I am FATTER than you are, does not mean that I am not clean.
> 
> As for feedee/feederism, its not my cup of tea, but I can appreciate that others DO like to do such things. Feederism isnt ALWAYS about weight gain, either. I don't look down on someone that is a feedee/feeder because there are too many times as a fat person that I have been looked down on just because I was bigger. Can't we all just accept that its a personal choice, and leave it be at that? Does it always have to be "the monster in the closet"?



I have to spread rep before I can rep you again...dammit.

Very good post Terri, some people just refuse to understand certain elements.


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## Shosh (Oct 21, 2008)

No-No-Badkitty said:


> I admit the whole, feedee-feeder thing is new to me. I guess it just never dawned on me that people would be aroused by feeding or being fed. HOWEVER, since I have come to realize that this is an actual fetish, how COMMON it is in our society has really hit me between the eyes.
> Most commonly? In fantasy books, often very popular fantasy books, expecially with night dwelling creatures such as vampires (Laurell K. Hamilton for example)...the feeding or giving for a feed is almost alwasy "arousing" in some aspect. In JR Ward's book, she takes it to another level, her vampire eat normal food and one of the "erotic" things that they do with females that they are persuing is "feed them" from their plate. One of the most erotic things a woman can do for her male is to prepare him food and or feed him.
> What about popular video games (maybe I am reaching?)PacMan? what about Kirby (doesn't he eat till he pops or something) Board games, hungry-hungry hippo.
> Or in movies where food is exchanged before a love scene.
> ...



Thanks. I was wondering how common the fetish is in reality as opposed to the fantasy of literature.


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## Shosh (Oct 21, 2008)

collared Princess said:


> as a 600 pound woman I cant reach and it is so good to have a F.A that thinks Im sexy even if he has to help me clean myself..it is very liberating to know that no matter what IM always sexy in HIS eyes..he loves it that Im to fat to reach to fat to clean myself and he loves being the one who cleans me..it makes the relationship stronger when you have to rely on someone for delicate needs..to each his own I suppose..I have no problams with not being able to take care of myself while others may see it as a loss of power and that it is a horrible thing..for US it has brought us closer...



This would be a fate worse than death for me. As a woman I would feel a loss of independence and pride in myself if I was not able to care for my own needs properly.
I understand it can happen if you are sick and that is a different matter, but I would not consciously choose that as a lifestyle choice.



Also what happens if anything were to ever happen to your partner? What if he was sick and unable to assist you, or if he ever left?

I think there are other healthy ways to give and receive love in a relationship other than unhealthy dependency like needing another to attend to your personal hygeine needs.

I understand the concept of "To each their own", but relying on another person in this regard does not seem healthy to me.


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## Cors (Oct 21, 2008)

I concur with Susannah. I can understand how some people can find the submission and dependence almost liberating in a way if they can let go of their fears. The complete trust required for something as extreme as that is something I can never give, or reasonably expect from my partner. 

collared_princess, do you find having someone to clean up after you humiliating and do you actually enjoy it or accept it as an inevitable consequence of your gain? In the S&M scene I have met many people who cannot get off unless there is some element of humiliation involved, but they are not feedees. Feel free to tell me it is none of my business, of course. 

The thought of immobility scares me a great deal, and it is unfortunately what comes to the minds of many when feederism is mentioned. It is probably one of the reasons why some people are reluctant to acknowledge that they fantasize about and enjoy certain aspects of feeding. Even if they do, they are quick to distinguish themselves from "those sick people". It is not unlike how people tend to conjure an image of intimidating metal cuffs, bullwhips, humiliation and slavery when they think of BDSM and cringe, but think nothing of occasionally pinning their partner down, spanking her and tease her until she begs for more.


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 23, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> I couldn't let this go because this is such a stereotypical response from most fat bashers. "oh, you are too fat to wipe your own ass. Oh you are too fat to take a shower. Wow that woman is so fat she might explode" COME ON!!!
> 
> I can tell you that as a 550 lb. woman I can reach EVERY part of my body. I wipe my own derriere, I use soap, brush my teeth, and wash my hair. I shave my armpits and use deodorant. I shave my own legs (and at 46 inches around each that can be a chore) Just because I am FATTER than you are, does not mean that I am not clean.
> 
> As for feedee/feederism, its not my cup of tea, but I can appreciate that others DO like to do such things. Feederism isnt ALWAYS about weight gain, either. I don't look down on someone that is a feedee/feeder because there are too many times as a fat person that I have been looked down on just because I was bigger. Can't we all just accept that its a personal choice, and leave it be at that? Does it always have to be "the monster in the closet"?


I don't understand you when you say you couldn't let this go? If you read all of my posts you would know I am not a fat basher. The fact is some people can't wipe their own arse! I did go on to say that a friend of mine (who was a little bigger than me) decided she'd have to lose wieght because she was struggling to reach parts of herself (like the bit between her vagina and her arse) as she couldn't get underneath and this scared her and made her feel humiliated. She said she would never ask her husband to wash her and was really depressed about it. I know dimensions is a wonderful site and it's is great to have fat acceptance but I refuse to pretend that being a large lady doesn't ever cause any problems or not to discuss any down sides to being fat incase it might make others feel uncomfortable. That just wouldn't be honest.

I'm sure some people might feel releif to be able to share any difficulties with regards to their size or prejudices they have encountered (I have encoutered a few myself, read my post 'eat some fruit' to name but one). I hate the stereotypes about fat people as much as anyone else, like fat people sweat all the time or they smell ect and the one that really gets me annoyed is that people assume if you are fat you are lazy, I am not lazy I am very hard working. 

I'm sorry if you felt personally offended by anything that you've read that I have written and I am glad you don't have any problems with your own personal hygeine but obviously some people do and this must be difficult. Read the post below yours and you'll see that someone only 50lbs heavier than you can't attend to her own needs, luckily she isn't bothered about it but some people are so I'm not sorry I wrote about it. GD X


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## collared Princess (Oct 23, 2008)

well to answer a few questions..I dont feel one bit werid about having to depend on him for everything..it is a great feeling that someone is and wants to take care of you...for many years I struggled even with other partners I had that wernt f.a's and they had no clue how when I shut the door to the bathroom I struggled to wipe and to be clean..never feeling I could ask or never even considering to ask for help...even when I wasnt a feedee I needed help because I have alwasy been fat...to answer the question what if my partner goes away..or whatever..well then I look for another F.a..and I think they would be standing in line to help me..at least thats what they say..People love to feel needed and Men sometimes love to take care of who they love and this is just another very intimate way of being able to give of yourself..I realize it is a very tender idea to just let go and trust someone..but when you have a very submissive personailty it is not hard to give anything up...you are more than willing to give yourself tottally...I have talked to many ssbbw's about their reaching ablilitys and alot say that they have a hard time and we talk about different ways to reach and stay clean..I guess it comes down to if my F.A needed me to help him I would be extremly happy to help him in any way I could...well I need my f.A to care for me because Im just a fat woman I alway's will be ..You can ask any question you would like...


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## Lovelyone (Oct 23, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> I don't understand you when you say you couldn't let this go? If you read all of my posts you would know I am not a fat basher. The fact is some people can't wipe their own arse! I did go on to say that a friend of mine (who was a little bigger than me) decided she'd have to lose wieght because she was struggling to reach parts of herself (like the bit between her vagina and her arse) as she couldn't get underneath and this scared her and made her feel humiliated. She said she would never ask her husband to wash her and was really depressed about it. I know dimensions is a wonderful site and it's is great to have fat acceptance but I refuse to pretend that being a large lady doesn't ever cause any problems or not to discuss any down sides to being fat incase it might make others feel uncomfortable. That just wouldn't be honest.
> 
> I'm sure some people might feel releif to be able to share any difficulties with regards to their size or prejudices they have encountered (I have encoutered a few myself, read my post 'eat some fruit' to name but one). I hate the stereotypes about fat people as much as anyone else, like fat people sweat all the time or they smell ect and the one that really gets me annoyed is that people assume if you are fat you are lazy, I am not lazy I am very hard working.
> 
> I'm sorry if you felt personally offended by anything that you've read that I have written and I am glad you don't have any problems with your own personal hygeine but obviously some people do and this must be difficult. Read the post below yours and you'll see that someone only 50lbs heavier than you can't attend to her own needs, luckily she isn't bothered about it but some people are so I'm not sorry I wrote about it. GD X


 
"I cant let this go" means that I want to respond to this because it is important to me. I do not want to let the opportunity pass me by to respond to that comment. You have said several times in this thread that people misquoted you, and now I am saying the same. Please READ the sentence again. I said that your comment was "such a stereo-typical response from *most* fat bashers". Nowhere in that sentence did I insinuate that you were a fat basher.

IMHO, part of the problem is that you asked for responses, opinions, experiences, and when someone responds you seem to take it personally. There ARE others who read these forums and _might_ gain some perspective from what others (besides yourself) have to say. If by posting that it pisses me off when people _assume_ that because you are big it also means that you do not have good hygiene--I might have some affect on how someone ELSE (again, besides yourself) sees fat people--then I feel I have gotten my point across.

I am completely aware of the fact that some people do not have issues with handing over thier care and well-being to another person. I don't judge them on that. Its their body, they can do with it as they wish. I am aware that they do not have issues with others taking care of their hygiene. I, however, do. *FOR ME *it is a matter of keeping my independance and individuality. 

I personally would feel as if I had lost some quality to my life if I have to rely on someone to clean me, bathe me, feed me, lift me out of a chair, or basically do anything that I used to be able to, just because I got too fat to do so for myself. It is clear to me that some people do not feel the same way that I do. This does not mean that I cannot appreciate the opinions that they have about the subject. I didn't feel the least bit offended by what you wrote. You asked questions, got answers. I did however feel the need to expound on the fact that BIG does not EQUAL UNHYGENIC. You asked for opinions and experiences, I gave you mine, that is how the forums work, yes?


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## Shosh (Oct 23, 2008)

collared Princess said:


> well to answer a few questions..I dont feel one bit werid about having to depend on him for everything..it is a great feeling that someone is and wants to take care of you...for many years I struggled even with other partners I had that wernt f.a's and they had no clue how when I shut the door to the bathroom I struggled to wipe and to be clean..never feeling I could ask or never even considering to ask for help...even when I wasnt a feedee I needed help because I have alwasy been fat...to answer the question what if my partner goes away..or whatever..well then I look for another F.a..and I think they would be standing in line to help me..at least thats what they say..People love to feel needed and Men sometimes love to take care of who they love and this is just another very intimate way of being able to give of yourself..I realize it is a very tender idea to just let go and trust someone..but when you have a very submissive personailty it is not hard to give anything up...you are more than willing to give yourself tottally...I have talked to many ssbbw's about their reaching ablilitys and alot say that they have a hard time and we talk about different ways to reach and stay clean..I guess it comes down to if my F.A needed me to help him I would be extremly happy to help him in any way I could...well I need my f.A to care for me because Im just a fat woman I alway's will be ..You can ask any question you would like...




Well your partner sounds like a very loving and caring man, and that is wonderful to be sure. You cant fault that.


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## Haunted (Oct 23, 2008)

collared Princess said:


> well to answer a few questions..I dont feel one bit werid about having to depend on him for everything..it is a great feeling that someone is and wants to take care of you...for many years I struggled even with other partners I had that wernt f.a's and they had no clue how when I shut the door to the bathroom I struggled to wipe and to be clean..never feeling I could ask or never even considering to ask for help...even when I wasnt a feedee I needed help because I have alwasy been fat...to answer the question what if my partner goes away..or whatever..well then I look for another F.a..and I think they would be standing in line to help me..at least thats what they say..People love to feel needed and Men sometimes love to take care of who they love and this is just another very intimate way of being able to give of yourself..I realize it is a very tender idea to just let go and trust someone..but when you have a very submissive personailty it is not hard to give anything up...you are more than willing to give yourself tottally...I have talked to many ssbbw's about their reaching ablilitys and alot say that they have a hard time and we talk about different ways to reach and stay clean..I guess it comes down to if my F.A needed me to help him I would be extremly happy to help him in any way I could...well I need my f.A to care for me because Im just a fat woman I alway's will be ..You can ask any question you would like...



I can Agree to a point, Personally I am very Much into taking care of the one i love I would love to spoil My girl and pamper her including helping her in the shower or bath or general hygene and as upleasant as some of it sounds it's part of the fantasy, and As a feeder I have this fantasy of treating her like a queen and taking care of all her desires etc etc. But i know in reality that I would not be able to handle such Needs on a daily basis. Now if i where independently wealthy and could hire a Kitchen staff And the Like Then I could Devote all my attention to My Beautiful Bride Like i said in a previous post for me there is the Reality and The Fantasy Of the Feeder/Feedee Relationship, Not to say i don't slightly Envy Collared princess and her feeder to be able to live this fantasy. I just don't think i could do it every day. But i could also be wrong


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## collared Princess (Oct 24, 2008)

yes I see Haunted...to let you know how it works in my house here..in the morning when he gets up for work I get up as well and I go sit in the shower and wait on him to shave, brush his teeth etc...then he showers me .it takes tops 10 min and Im nice and clean..I dry off while he takes his shower..I dont work so I take my time during the day doing light housework if I feel like it..I make dinner and I eat as often as I would like..when he comes home from the city we settle in to watch t.v and eat dinner..then usually ice cream...then he falls asleep and I stay up and eat all night..then when Im so stuffed like Tempelton from "Charlotts Web" I fall asleep...I fall into my stuffed fat coma sleep I call it...so its not realy that much..I dont go out of the house really during the week to maybe to grocery shop (where I can ride the buggy) but mostly I go places out to eat and things like that on the weekends so he can pull me up to the door and get me close so I dont have to walk..when he is home he gets up and gets things for me so I dont have to move..thats about it..I think you can do that...


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## GoldenDelicious (Oct 24, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> "I cant let this go" means that I want to respond to this because it is important to me. I do not want to let the opportunity pass me by to respond to that comment. You have said several times in this thread that people misquoted you, and now I am saying the same. Please READ the sentence again. I said that your comment was "such a stereo-typical response from *most* fat bashers". Nowhere in that sentence did I insinuate that you were a fat basher.
> 
> IMHO, part of the problem is that you asked for responses, opinions, experiences, and when someone responds you seem to take it personally. There ARE others who read these forums and _might_ gain some perspective from what others (besides yourself) have to say. If by posting that it pisses me off when people _assume_ that because you are big it also means that you do not have good hygiene--I might have some affect on how someone ELSE (again, besides yourself) sees fat people--then I feel I have gotten my point across.
> 
> ...


Hi lovelyone

Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry if you thought I got offended for no reason but as you quoted me, I thought you were replying to me in away you viewed me as a fat basher. I actually really appreciated everyones opionions and experiences. I appreciate your reply. Best wishes GD


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## Haunted (Oct 24, 2008)

collared Princess said:


> yes I see Haunted...to let you know how it works in my house here..in the morning when he gets up for work I get up as well and I go sit in the shower and wait on him to shave, brush his teeth etc...then he showers me .it takes tops 10 min and Im nice and clean..I dry off while he takes his shower..I dont work so I take my time during the day doing light housework if I feel like it..I make dinner and I eat as often as I would like..when he comes home from the city we settle in to watch t.v and eat dinner..then usually ice cream...then he falls asleep and I stay up and eat all night..then when Im so stuffed like Tempelton from "Charlotts Web" I fall asleep...I fall into my stuffed fat coma sleep I call it...so its not realy that much..I dont go out of the house really during the week to maybe to grocery shop (where I can ride the buggy) but mostly I go places out to eat and things like that on the weekends so he can pull me up to the door and get me close so I dont have to walk..when he is home he gets up and gets things for me so I dont have to move..thats about it..I think you can do that...



My fear would be That it would only be fun and exciting for a little while Much like the Young teenage girl who wants a baby and how great it would be to have a baby, and then she has that baby and realizes how much work a baby is. 

It wouldn't just be My "feedee" i'd be caring for it's also 4 children between the two of us and although i want to care for her and pamper her i think that Having to do it everyday for the rest of her life may get to be to much, and from her point of view although she would love to be able to sit back and fill her tummy with no worries knowing That everything is taken care of. She would eventually want to get out and be independant again. 

Please Princess understand I'm not judging you at all I say Godspeed and i am a little jealous that your living a part of my fantasy But i just couldn't see Myself being able to commit to this long term and it would take a long term commitment and i'd hate to get to a point where we change our minds and reversing weight gain beyond a certain point becomes very difficult


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 29, 2008)

madrik101 said:


> Hi there, I'm new to these forums, but I'm just going to jump right into the deep end here and involve myself with this discussion. I've read this thread, and I've seen this conflict in many other forums over the years, as many people here also have. Rather than going on an aggressive rant, I'm going to argue my case by merely presenting my story:
> 
> I am young (20) and I keep myself in good shape physically and intellectually. On considering a partner, at least in a physical sense, I am quite obviously an FA and thus prefer what one might call "chubby", "curvy" or "plump" women. I would never expect nor hope to have a partner who is "super-sized" or indeed even on the mid to high end of "bbw". That's not to say I find larger bbw's repulsive, for I do not, but quite simply I have other matters closer to my heart than that of a few particular sexual fetishes.
> 
> ...



Neko is a Mod at Fantasy Feeder. She is not well known here at all unless she is regularly participating here under another name that I'm not aware of. Your argument has merit and I see where you're coming from but I believe you've introduced a red herring here. Ultimately no one has control over what their body does or how it responds to things. An unintentional obese person who suffers with obesity related illness may have two sets of people they can be bitter and angry towards. First there are the people who eat too much and live a careless life of artery clogging goodness without thought to the consequences or possibly not suffering those consequences at all. Then there are the early rising salad eating spandex wearing fit people who can exercise for a mere 20 minutes a day, live on apples and watercress and chirp away about ending drug dependence, dropping 120 pounds and keeping it off with minor changes to their daily habits. Meanwhile the obese person has had two weight loss surgeries and lost an eye and weighs 87 pounds more than when s/he started. 

The thing is, we can do whatever we want to do with intent to gain or lose. Your body may or may not respond the way you would like even with your best efforts. I'm not certain Neko could ever make it to 416 pounds if she tried. I'm 416 pounds. I'm not actively gaining right now though when I was I could only make it to 425. I tried to lose and made it to 398 but could go no further. I don't agree with the attempt to villify or praise anyone for what they are born into and can't do too much about, including you.


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## GordoNegro (Oct 29, 2008)

I just have to support Lilly's statement, as I will include that it is hard to truly change who you are and how you feel. Knowing when others would hint that I was getting 'too fat' the attention positive/negative was so enjoyable; as it allowed the words and opinions expressed to go in 1 ear and out the other without much contemplation if at all.


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## kioewen (Oct 29, 2008)

The answer is: misunderstood.

It is a normal male impulse, and in Neolithic times was in fact a survival instinct of the species -- the male enjoyment of providing their female pair-bond partner with sustenance.

Not only is there is nothing wrong with it, it is a venerable and natural component of male-to-female attraction.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Oct 29, 2008)

I have to question the "male impulse' theory, considering that there are many female feeders.


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## Mack27 (Oct 30, 2008)

You can try to reason out and understand feederism all day long but in the end its just something that turns people on, people don't pick what turns them on sexually. Fetishes are imprinted early in life and you can't just turn them off. It can be dom/sub thing and its not certain which part the feedee will play in that. It can tie into natural nurturing instinct. It can have nothing at all to do with food and everything to do with getting bigger. It can have everything to do with food with getting bigger not even necessary. 

I suppose it could even be a completely non-sexual thing for some people where they get some kind of non-sexual gratification out of feeding and growing people. You can't help what you like sometimes either.


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## GordoNegro (Oct 30, 2008)

Mack27 said:


> You can try to reason out and understand feederism all day long but in the end its just something that turns people on, people don't pick what turns them on sexually. Fetishes are imprinted early in life and you can't just turn them off. It can be dom/sub thing and its not certain which part the feedee will play in that. It can tie into natural nurturing instinct. It can have nothing at all to do with food and everything to do with getting bigger. It can have everything to do with food with getting bigger not even necessary.
> 
> I suppose it could even be a completely non-sexual thing for some people where they get some kind of non-sexual gratification out of feeding and growing people. You can't help what you like sometimes either.



Though if its not in the realm of eating or gaining weight, it would lean more towards Inflation, though the same aspects would apply.


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## mergirl (Oct 30, 2008)

kioewen said:


> The answer is: misunderstood.
> 
> It is a normal male impulse, and in Neolithic times was in fact a survival instinct of the species -- the male enjoyment of providing their female pair-bond partner with sustenance.
> 
> Not only is there is nothing wrong with it, it is a venerable and natural component of male-to-female attraction.


Then why are there female feeders then?


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## mergirl (Oct 30, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> I have to question the "male impulse' theory, considering that there are many female feeders.


oops.. sorry fuzzy.. great minds n all that!! lol

xmer


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## lysh (Nov 4, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Is a feeder merely a nurturing person who takes pleasure out of seeing a food lover getting pleasure out of food? . . . Do feeders want their partners to get fatter and not be able to go anywhere?



Re: the originally posted questions

My research (MA thesis) suggests that:
Yes, some "feeders" take a more nurturing role while others simply encourage their partners (or even random people online), while others are more extreme, desiring actual immobility. The title "feeder" seems to be 'taken on' (chosen) by people with varying degrees of interest. It is not possible to create a "feeder archetype."

Furthermore, there are people who call themselves "feeders" who do not currently or may never have actually fed someone in real life. There are also people who call themselves "feedees" who do not have partners feeding or encouraging them but rather participate in self-feeding. These categories, "feeders" and "feedees," can not be categorically defined. Each participant defines their identity/role differently.

Again, I found that it is not possible to create a "feeder archetype" nor a "feedee archetype" because everyone experiences and understands these identities in different ways.

Someday (soon) I hope to have my research findings pulled together and published. Until then, I offer you the above summary (most of which I recognize has been covered in various posts already) of what I learnt during my endeavour over the past two years.

Cheers,
LYSH


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## GoldenDelicious (Nov 5, 2008)

lysh said:


> Re: the originally posted questions
> 
> My research (MA thesis) suggests that:
> Yes, some "feeders" take a more nurturing role while others simply encourage their partners (or even random people online), while others are more extreme, desiring actual immobility. The title "feeder" seems to be 'taken on' (chosen) by people with varying degrees of interest. It is not possible to create a "feeder archetype."
> ...


Thanks for your post, may I ask what your MA is on? It's an unusual subject for one to write a thesis on. Is is sociology or anthropology or something along these lines.


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## lysh (Nov 5, 2008)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Thanks for your post, may I ask what your MA is on? It's an unusual subject for one to write a thesis on. Is is sociology or anthropology or something along these lines.



Good guess!!! :bow: This was the thesis topic for my MA in Sociology.


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## GoldenDelicious (Nov 5, 2008)

Thanks Lysh, AAAH!:doh:

I see, good luck with your publishing.


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## Ample Pie (Mar 13, 2009)

I didn't read this then and I can't understand it now. 



mergirl said:


> rebecca, give it a rest. Just because you Pm'ed my gf all apologetic saying you wernt anoyed at her and she said that if you thought i was arguing with you it was probs because i was defending her doesnt MAKE it so. If i was arguing with you it would be because i didnt agree with your points!!.
> For fuck sake.. And i was even conceading that if feedees want to be called "feedees" even when by themselves then why not.. then i said that it would be an interesting debate because some strong feedees have come forward to speak, obviously that included you, but still you have to get your wee bit in.. you were defensive, fair enough and agressive in tone to both Max Awsome and myself..you can look it up for yourself.. its like your second post or something!?
> 
> 
> ...


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## mergirl (Mar 14, 2009)

Rebecca said:


> I didn't read this then and I can't understand it now.
> 
> [:



Too late. This is Soo 6 months ago! I cant be bothered dragging this all up again..
cheerio!


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## olwen (Mar 15, 2009)

I haven't read this entire thread yet and I missed it first time around, but my pat answer is misunderstood definitely. A lot of fetishes are misunderstood.


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## exile in thighville (Mar 15, 2009)

fetishes are not meant to be understood on an individual take-this-one-or-leave-it basis; all we ask is that those without fetishes respect the notion that the vast majority of fetish-havers know how to reconcile their kink with the dangers of reality just as you would assume your next door neighbor is not a pedophile.


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## rubens_feeder (Mar 15, 2009)

I am a feeder and a quite exerienced and vocal one, so I it will be my pleasure to shed some light and answer your questions in detail:



>Attitudes of others have been sometimes extreme particularly when it comes to feeders. 

Oh yes, it is. Fat is still a total tabu in our society. Now fat acceptance is already more or less accepted. But fattening somebody up on purpose is still seen by some to be the ultimate evil. I would say we life in a time of fat-phobia, fat is avoided, scary and shunned. So people that fatten other people on purpose are people doing something to these people that they don't want at all. Well, the contrary is true in many cases, see below.

Films and hollywood has portrayed feeders as monsters. They love the extreme and sensational. The feedee is the victim, the feeder the never satisfied pusher that "inflates" the feedee till she is dead. Very distorted and just untrue. (although there might be crazy and dangerous people like that, I don't deny it)
My experience has been that the normal real world works a little more realistic and moderate.

I believe that I have to speak out as a feeder, because there is no other subject in FA that is more misunderstood.

>against being fat. I am an ssbbw (probably the smaller end of 
>ss) and I know that my general health and wellbeing feels better 
>when I am a little lighter. What worries me about feederism is 
>what if a vulnerable person would be carried away with 
>pleasing a feeder to the detriment of their own health? I am not 
>even 

That does happen of course. And yes, feeding has health implications and every feeder has to pay attention to them. Feeding has to be fun for both parties, otherwise it is abuse. Endless feeding, never wanting to stop is no realistic and probably a sign of a crazy and dangerous feeder. Sometimes it is also a sign of unexperience. The fantasy gets over blown due to it never have been reality before. Most feeders never feed a feedee, because, frankly, *grin*, feedees are an elusive and rare bunch. If you get to experience feeding, you are lucky.
So most feeders fantasize around, dream and in dreams, things go overboard, especially not having the outlet of reality.

And then there are things that will never be real (and should not):
Feeding somebody into immobility is for me a thing that belongs in the fantasy realm only. It is sexy there, but surely would not be in reality. It carries a lot of responsibility and loss of a lot of life quality for the feedee. I don't think that the rewards weight up the costs. Extreme stuff hardly ever does. 
The extreme can also be sexy of course.
But I practice feeding or even force feeding in short bursts, not prolonged and all the time. The extreme in that is what is sexy and hot, for both. 

Many feedees dream about spending a week or two with a feeder and in this time being just an object, getting fattened up and having only one purpose in that time: growing fatter and sleeping (and sex of course, because a Feedee gets horny like nothing at treatment like that)



>talking abusive feeder or suggesting that feeders are generally 
>abusive but there have been cases where feeders have been 
>partly responsible for disabling another person. I have seen a 

I believe in responsibility. If you cause something, you take responsibility for it. If you don't like the outcome, don't do it then in the first place. It is an universal law. Also, it must be consentual, both parties must agree on it. 
I for myself would never feed a feedee that only wants to gain for me. That gets a kick of getting fattened by me, although she does not really like fat. 
I need somebody that enjoys the beauty of fat, the jiggling, the wonderful sensuality of softness. 
In this, I can only talk for myself. I would recommend that a feedee first should find out what feeding means to a feeder, how he practices it and that he respects the feedee fully, sets boundaries and is sane. 

>documentary about a guy who fed and fed his wife until she 
>was so big she couldn't get out of bed or do anything for 
>herself. He ended up like a carer, washing her and doing 
>everything. He got excited by her thickened flesh that had 

I would not consider that sane. He sounds like he does not have stops and will just feed her till she dies, because he is obsessed with fat and the feeding. A feeder must care about the woman, not just the body. We men tend to be hooked up a little with the female body, true. But a feeder has to recognize and value a feedee as a human being, with needs and wants.


>Even if there is no intent to make someone so big that they
> become disabled, would they/do they really understand how 
>and when a person is becoming dangerously overweight? 

Yes, feeding cannot be endless. Actually, there has to be a stop, when weight gain becomes inpractical, pointless and dangerous. Every feedee is different, some of them can grow incredible fat (due to a fatty gene it seems) without any bad health effects, others don't grow really that fat before it becomes clear that it they should not gain more. I usually stop long before that point is reached. It just makes more sense. I don't want to be responsible for a feedee becoming sick and harmed. 


> documentary I watched was definately portraying it against 
>feederism.

Well, there is none that is pro feederism. The public just cannot grasp it that there are actually women out that that enjoy it to be fattened up and get a huge kick out of it. Often, I find that they are scared to confide this to me, even knowing that I am a feeder, because they think that they are sick in the head for wanting to get fat.

>I understand this is a very personal question and if you do not 
>want to explain your feelings or activities then I respect this. I 
>mean I wonder things like, is it your sexuality? Do you see a 

Well, I answer this one gladly, especially since I know that many shy away from it. Many feeders are scared to talk openly or show their face in public with a fat woman and admiting that they are feeding her, or even showing their preference as FA.
I do, but meet closet cases every day through my (somewhat extreme) webpage and blog.

>woman/man a certain size and imagine her/him bigger then get 
>around to suggesting he/she would be hotter if she/he were >larger? Or do you seek feedees who want to gain with a 

Well, for me it is a HUGE turnon if I imagine her larger and have realized that it is also for feedees. They dream of getting fattened up by a man (although other genders can also apply).
It is a wish that usually is already there from childhood, but surfaces then in adulthood.
It is (in all cases that I know) connected directly with sexuality.
Feeding gets both parties hot, it is the super ultimate foreplay. Nobody that is a feeder or feedee can understand that. The feeding and the impending fattening through it, such a turn on it is. 
It is like a secret fantasy dream world for a feeder and feedee, in which only they both exist.

I have noticed that women that grow larger cause also a stronger sexual echo in me, I desire them more. It is like they become irresistible. And on the other side, the women also gets sexually more and more turned on by her growing bulk. Fat jiggles and moves: feeling how her belly hangs and moves, how she jiggles turns most feedees incredibly on.

>partner? Or is it a fantasy? Do you like to see people eating 
>and getting fatter over time in a relationship with you? How do 
>you live this life?

Well, that depends. I guess it is very sexy to get into a relationship and grow fat through it (even together). This is the most lovingly of feeding, since this is very very old. In stoneage, a caring (and wealthy) man fed his wife and showed off their prosperity (in food) to the rest of the community.
Feeding and fattening her is very lovingly. 

I have not had that luck yet to be in such a relationship. Finding a good (long lasting) relationship is very hard, even in the best of circumstances. Narrowing the group down to only include feedees makes it of course much more difficult and rare.

>Like I said I am an ssbbw and my girlfriend is an FA. When she
> admitted to me she was into this I was worried that if I lost 
>weight she would not want to be with me. Now that we are in a 

I don't care about it that much, since the human factor tells me that I am loyal and connected to a person, no matter what shape or size she has. I have even witnessed feedees losing weight and supported them in it, because they needed to loose it for their health (because we both went a little overboard) and I was fine with that. If a feedee needs or wants to lose weight, I would never dream of trying to convince her otherwise. I am empathic, so I feel what she feels and when gaining does not give her lust anymore, neither does it give lust to me.
The relationship does not get hurt by this, it can maybe reduce the sexual attraction a little, but sex is not all and everything, there are other important things in a relationship.
In my experience there usually enough sexual energy and desire left, since feedeing and getting really fat supercharges the sex ;-)


>about other relationships? If you were in a relationship with 
>someone who refused to gain and they weren't big enough for 
>you, would you dump them?

Well, then that is no feeding. I would not consider that a feedee and then I cannot live out my feeding activities then.
I guess I am realistic enough not to expect that I will get a perfect relationship AND that she will be a feedee. That is just too rare and unlikely. Sadly enough.

>Is a feeder merely a nurturing person who takes pleasure out of 
>seeing a food lover getting pleasure out of food? This could be 

Well, I guess it can be. But as said above, it is basically a very very hot foreplay in sex. Not many people will say this so direct and out in the open, but that is how I am.

>Is there more a sexual gratification from watching someone 
>grow?

Of course, heck, tons of it. More than you can handle. 


>Do feeders want their partners to get fatter and not be able to 
>go anywhere? are they insecure and want to disable their 
>partners into being reliant on them?

Well, I don't. I want a equal partner, on the same level than me. I want to enable a woman (and feedee). Introducing a feedee to the pleasure of gaining and most of all, fat, is such an adventure. I see feedees come to me that have never felt this and it is I guess for us feeders and feedees the hottest and exciting thing in the world, me knowing that she wants to get fat and a lot and she knowing that I am the real deal, that I truly honestly want her to gain and become a very fat feedee. (wether that VERY fat will stay in the real of fantasy or become real is another story entirely)

The best way to see how a feedee feels about all that is asking one, but I guess not so many are so vocal about it. I have one lady that has grown quite large already (around 400 lbs), but is from Germany and speaks only German. I don't have much time for translating from one language to another, so unfortunately she cannot be heard. But she would be a good example, surely. 


>so many questions. I genuinely want to know people for and 
>against this and to understand this very lesser spoken almost 
>taboo sub culture within dimensions.

It is totally taboo really. And I am working on changing that. But it might still take a long time. I guess we would need somebody like Harvey Milk and I was wondering if that is going to be me (I had the feeling that I had a mission), but I am not looking forward to be despised and suffer from the endless and incredible stopidness of the masses of people that have had their brain washed by the media into believing that thin is sensual and that getting fat is unnatural and ugly. 
Fat sometimes seems to be the most hated of them all.
Which is totally sick and contradicting:
The parts that make a woman look female are all made of fat: The breasts, the hips, all the curves. Women look like women because they have a higher fat content than us men. Shunning the fat is the same as shunning femininity for me.

Markus (aka Rubens_feeder)


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## GutsGirl (Mar 16, 2009)

My (admittedly neophyte) take on feeding:

I admit first and foremost that I don't share in any erotic immobility fantasy. I find the thought of immobility for myself frightening, whether it comes from weight gain, injury, or illness. The thought of illness-related paralysis has always frightened me and as my parents have gotten older they have suffered from mobility problems (my father due to complications from a chronic illness--nothing weight-related-- and my mother due to a knee injury, muscle loss in her leg, and weight gain). I have seen the pain, emotional and physical, that these mobility-related problems have caused them at times. It is hurtful to me to see it and so I can't find the thought of immobility for myself attractive.

However, I must add that if someone else were to have an immobility fantasy or fetish, I couldn't condemn them. I have some pretty strange kinks of my own, a few of which are absolutely impossible to achieve in real life, so I can't condemn someone else as a freak when it just may be that they would look upon my own kinks as equally strange. Live and let live. As long as a feedee and feeder are happy together, there is no force or non-consensual activity, and the feedee is happy, healthy, and weight loss is fine for her and her feeder if she gets too big or her health is endangered, it's fine. 

Also, since my boyfriend is an FA, I've been researching the size-acceptance movement and Fat Admiration, and I have to say that now I'm interested in actually maybe gaining a bit of weight. He says to me (and believe me, I appreciate this) that he loves me at any size, considers me attractive at any size, and I definitely believe him, but at the same time I want him to be happy and satisfied. What he considers beautiful and erotic, I want to consider beautiful and erotic, as well. So now I'm just a little bit envious of chubbier women that I see at my school, out in public. I personally am not a FFA but I have a very broad spectrum of physical things that I consider attractive in men, and I can definitely see why a guy would be turned on by a plump woman.

I can also see why food would be considered erotic as well. If I marry my FA boyfriend, I would love to have food and feeding each other be a part of our sex life. I like watching attractive men eat, I like eating, I like eating sweets, and my boyfriend has lovely hands and very sensual fingers, so I like just the idea of him feeding me. If that makes me a feedee or wannabe-feedee, then so be it! :eat2: :wubu:

Also, just for the record I can understand why *mergirl* initially made the comparison to rape fantasies. Not in the sense that feederism and rape fantasies are the same things (they are not and I would not say that they are), but in the sense that they are two things that some people would find strange or distasteful (or even abnormal or 'sick'). They are not activities that everyone would find erotic or feel comfortable in doing, and I understand that. At the same time, I can understand a woman finding a rape fantasy (or bondage play) or the prospect of gaining weight erotic, because now I've become slightly interested in both scenarios, frankly.

Just two cents from a newbie (not that it will take you very far today, but a penny saved is a penny earned).


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## Prince Dyscord (Mar 16, 2009)

I'd say it's misunderstood. Personally, I don't find anything wrong with feeders/feedees. I've always maintained that as long as it's a mutual thing, that both people agree too and not forced, it's fine. 

I've been around the community for a while and I have noticed that feederism in general can be a taboo subject. Though I blame some of it on the people who reduce BBWs to numbers. It's one thing to love supersized women. It's another thing to act like that's the only thing that matters. Most of it seems to come from close minded people who have an image of healthy ingrained in their brains. I remember on one site an argument broke out over feederism and the response made it clear that some bbws are harsh on ssbbws in general. It basically boiled down to "If you're over 400 then you're automatically unhealthy because your bones can't handle the weight and all that." It was pretty annoying how close minded some people are even in this community. 

As for the losing weight thing. I'm not shallow enough to dump someone just because they lost weight. Though I can understand losing enough weight so that they aren't physically attractive anymore. Though some relationships can overcome that. I personally wouldn't give up my girl no matter what her size is. I'm just lucky I have someone who actually likes her size.

Also, what really makes it a fetish? What is the definition of fetish? Is Feedism a fetish because it's not considered normal or something? I've always wondered about that.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Mar 16, 2009)

exile in thighville said:


> fetishes are not meant to be understood on an individual take-this-one-or-leave-it basis; all we ask is that those without fetishes respect the notion that the vast majority of fetish-havers know how to reconcile their kink with the dangers of reality just as you would assume your next door neighbor is not a pedophile.



* Quoted For Truth*


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## mergirl (Mar 16, 2009)

Prince Dyscord said:


> Also, what really makes it a fetish? What is the definition of fetish? Is Feedism a fetish because it's not considered normal or something? I've always wondered about that.



I always thought something was a fetish when it was focused on as the object of lust out with the context of sex itself. Often without this stimulus the person cannot become turned on or the person becomes obsesses about the stimulus.
I guess in the case of feederism the feeder might become obsessed on weights, measurements the fattening of their partner as the main forcus of their sexual turn on's. In this case it would be a fetish. If someone saw feederism as a 'sideline' to sex then i guess it could be classed as just an aspect of that pesons sexuality or a kink. 
I personally think the definition of fetish depends on how much time and emphisis is placed on the act itself.


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## GutsGirl (Mar 16, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I always thought something was a fetish when it was focused on as the object of lust out with the context of sex itself. Often without this stimulus the person cannot become turned on or the person becomes obsesses about the stimulus.



Yep, you're right; technically that is the definition of a fetish, that the person who has the fetish cannot become aroused without it being present in some way. However, in common parlance it's used to denote a kink or turn-on that's believed to be (correctly or incorrectly) somewhat out of the ordinary.


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## Prince Dyscord (Mar 17, 2009)

GutsGirl said:


> Yep, you're right; technically that is the definition of a fetish, that the person who has the fetish cannot become aroused without it being present in some way. However, in common parlance it's used to denote a kink or turn-on that's believed to be (correctly or incorrectly) somewhat out of the ordinary.



I figured there'd be two definitions. The techincal one and the one that is commonplace. I usually hear fetish to mean having a sexual desire that's out of the ordinary. A lot of people consider loving bbws to be a fetish. 

Personally, I think the word is thrown around too much.


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 17, 2009)

Prince Dyscord said:


> I figured there'd be two definitions. The techincal one and the one that is commonplace. I usually hear fetish to mean having a sexual desire that's out of the ordinary. A lot of people consider loving bbws to be a fetish.
> 
> Personally, I think the word is thrown around too much.



I agree. Just because it's common doesn't make it technically sound.


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## shin_moyseku (Mar 19, 2009)

This are the cuenstions



Is a feeder merely a nurturing person who takes pleasure out of seeing a food lover getting pleasure out of food? This could be like a jewish/italian/spanish mother who gets gratification from nurturing her kin.

Is there more a sexual gratification from watching someone grow?

Do feeders want their partners to get fatter and not be able to go anywhere? are they insecure and want to disable their partners into being reliant on them?


The answer is YES a huge YES to the 1st n 2nd. Now the 3rd depends on the feeder, in my opinion if someone want to be that big, i would be her partner and i would take care of her, but id she tells me "hey i really dont want to keep growing i am big enought" so its ok, you cant be happy and your partner dont, is a thing of 2 persons and both have to be happy


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 22, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> The answer to all of your questions is yes. Feederism manifests itself in different degrees in everybody, from mild to rediculous. You've got your closet case, your casual observers, your rabid adipose whore, your deviant psycopath, etc. just like you do with run of the mill vanilla sex. You've got your respectable folks and your crab infested perv all sharing the same desire for missionary sex with the lights off. Sex can be wonderful and it can be horrible too depending on who you are and who you ask.



I was going to say something like this.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 22, 2009)

Feederism is fun mmm'kay.


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## Weeze (Mar 22, 2009)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Feederism is fun mmm'kay.



Ugh.
I still can't rep you?

Goddammitsag;epjge;rbne;inke;boine;bkeknb;dkfknba'skbkn


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## mergirl (Mar 22, 2009)

krismiss said:


> Ugh.
> I still can't rep you?
> 
> Goddammitsag;epjge;rbne;inke;boine;bkeknb;dkfknba'skbkn


Just rep me! I have a plastic pink jesus fortune telling dildo looking thing in my avitar ffs!!!


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## rubens_feeder (Mar 25, 2009)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Feederism is fun mmm'kay.



Oh yes, it is. I am so glad that I am a feeder and I regularily bring feedees out of the closet and into a joy they have not known. Feeding is also something so sensual and hot, so very special and exiting. An outsider, non feeder/feedee will never be able to understand it. 

there is like a bond, I don't know how to say it, between a feeder and the feedee:
The feeder dreams of the feedee gaining weight and putting on fat, the feedee dreams of gaining weight and jiggling and getting fatter and gets hot at the realization that actually, the feeder finds this hot too, honestly and purely. Then, when the belly grows, she gets wider, softer and larger, they get both turned on so much by seeing the magic wonder of growing fat.

It is like a wonderland ;-)

Markus


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