# Do you get accused of being a "stuck-up B**ch"



## Puddles (Jun 28, 2011)

I have friends that tell me the reason that guys/men don't approach me when I am say out at a club, or even an outdoor event is because I give off the air of being "stuck up". 

I counter with the fact that I am not ashamed to be a BBW, and I walk with confidence, head up, look people in the eye, smile...heck I even start conversations with total strangers. I am not afraid to talk to anyone about anything. 

So my confident attitude gets me labeled as "stuck-up" and it has even been said that I am a "B**ch" because of it.

I am wondering if any of you have encountered this problem, or if I REALLY am a "stuck up B**ch?!?


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## Fat Brian (Jun 28, 2011)

Most people just aren't used to seeing a confident fat women. Haters gonna hate.


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## Kamily (Jun 28, 2011)

Yeah Ive always had the same problem with not being approached. I dont consider myself stuck up and have never been told that I am. I always figured that guys saw me as loud and obnoxious and couldnt deal with it.


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## crayola box (Jun 28, 2011)

Lol, I get the same reaction but for the opposite behavior! I'm sometimes quieter and shy in social settings such as parties (though oddly enjoy networking events and public speaking) and because I'm not mingling/dancing/whatever I've been called an aloof snob. People assume I'm not talking to them because I think I am above them, when the truth is I am probably intimidated and drawing a blank on what to say. Ironically this behavior has led to people telling me I look like someone who isn't intimidated by anything (translation: cold hearted shrew). If they only knew, the lack of confidence I have when small talk is required! Oh well, fake it 'til you make it I guess!


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## mel (Jun 28, 2011)

I used to get called "aloof". I'm pretty shy (more so in the past) and stay to myself if I dont know someone...


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## Pitch (Jun 29, 2011)

mel said:


> I used to get called "aloof". I'm pretty shy (more so in the past) and stay to myself if I dont know someone...



I've been all the variations of stuck up. Bitchy, cold, Ice Queen, She Devil, snooty, uppity, etc etc etc. All because someone (most of the time) said some shit like HAY BIG GURL LEMME GET DAT NUMBAH and got a *big old fuck your face* from yours truly.


People cannot stand seeing those with what they perceive as a "flaw" (my fatness)not giving two fucks in a bucket. Basically. Everyone on Dims would be stuck up because we lack soul crushing shame over our bodies.


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## SillyLady (Jun 29, 2011)

Girl, don't worry about them. Just keep being yourself. People are going to always judge and assume before they ever get to know the person. The people who matter are the ones that don't assume the worst.  

My best friend comes across cold and bitchy but she is FAR from it. The people don't give anyone a chance are the ones who are losing out.


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## cinnamongirlky (Jun 29, 2011)

I get it sometimes, but I am NOT stuck-up nor snobby. I am just shy and introverted. I wish people would understand that not EVERYONE who isn't "out there", loud and "spunky", and talking to everyone, is a bitch... 

Also the ones who *are* confident, holding their head up, and being loud and proud aren't "bitches" or stuck up...they are just being themselves. I think (IMHO) that a lot of people mistake the confidence of a big woman as either being snobby OR "faking it" because we are actually feeling "bad" about ourselves..PFFFT!

Give us shy ones time to warm up! We are worth it haha!


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## RedPhoenix1969 (Jun 29, 2011)

I believe that guys like the OP is talking about are just insecure in them selves and are intimidated by a confidant BBW. Confidence is a HUGE factor to how people perceive others, and there is a fine line IMO between confidence and attitude, hence the stuck up - snooty comments.


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## Jes (Jun 29, 2011)

stuck up bitch? the bitch part not in many years, but aloof and unapproachable? yes. Yes. Not b/c I'm rude though, it's just the aura I put out there. I didn't see it, but many other people did, and men certainly picked up on it. I had no idea I was putting it out there for sure, and thought I was confident and witty and social. In truth, I was (and certainly sometimes still am) insecure and I would've bet money against anyone else telling me that, but it turned out to be the truth (again, one I didn't see at the time, but a truth some others noticed). 

Sometimes people are dead wrong about us, and sometimes they're right, or close to it. There are nicer ways of telling someone something than 'you're a stuck up bitch' but if people see something unapproachable in you, then it might be worth a listen.

That's my 2c, and I don't mean to rain on your parade, but you did ask the question for a reason, right?


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## Jack Secret (Jun 29, 2011)

Personally, I think we live in a better world where men are intimidated by the personality/attitude of a confident fat woman who looks hot and intelligent (and knows it)! I think it's sexy


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## CarlaSixx (Jun 29, 2011)

I've never been accused of being a stuck up bitch by a fellow woman. It's always men and it's always the ones who were potential romantic partners, but because of them not liking my direct approach, told me I was a stuck up bitch. When I start seeing a new guy, I'm always direct with him about what my expectations are in a relationship. I expect my own space, time, friends, do not want to be texted or called every hour of the day, believe that actions speak louder than words (even compliments), etc. And when they do something that goes against wht I outlined, I have no shame in telling them I don't like the way they're acting (usually it's suffocating behaviour) and since other women loooove those things they just did, or wouldn't dare bring up the fact that they didn't like it, the guy sees me as a stuck up bitch. I'm sorry, but I believe in communication. If you don't like that I'm telling you I don't like something, or that I prefer something else, then it's just going to go nowhere. I will not be controlled by a man and to them, so far, that makes me a stuck up bitch. 

And if it does, then I prefer myself that way.


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## crayola box (Jun 29, 2011)

Jes said:


> stuck up bitch? the bitch part not in many years, but aloof and unapproachable? yes. Yes. Not b/c I'm rude though, it's just the aura I put out there. I didn't see it, but many other people did, and men certainly picked up on it. I had no idea I was putting it out there for sure, and thought I was confident and witty and social. In truth, I was (and certainly sometimes still am) insecure and I would've bet money against anyone else telling me that, but it turned out to be the truth (again, one I didn't see at the time, but a truth some others noticed).
> 
> Sometimes people are dead wrong about us, and sometimes they're right, or close to it. There are nicer ways of telling someone something than 'you're a stuck up bitch' but if people see something unapproachable in you, then it might be worth a listen.
> 
> That's my 2c, and I don't mean to rain on your parade, but you did ask the question for a reason, right?



Tried to rep you but couldn't. However I think this is spot on. In my case, since it was never coming from potential romantic interests, but rather something I heard from classmates who later became friends, I am inclined to believe it. It doesn't matter that it stems from shyness, whatever the reason, people felt that my walls were up and that made me unapproachable. Certainly, after being called a snob enough times I realized that there must be a vibe I'm giving off, and tried to modify my behavior. When you hear something multiple times, it certainly is worth examining whether the problem isn't everyone else, it's you. If after reflection it's them, great keep on as you were; but if it's you, then use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.


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## Jes (Jun 29, 2011)

Thanks, Box. To the OP--would you consider sitting your friends down and asking them for examples of what they mean in regards to your behavior? You might get some helpful information. You might also tell them to stop using the word 'bitch' as it's hurtful and not constructive!


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## LovelyLiz (Jun 29, 2011)

Jes said:


> Thanks, Box. To the OP--would you consider sitting your friends down and asking them for examples of what they mean in regards to your behavior? You might get some helpful information. You might also tell them to stop using the word 'bitch' as it's hurtful and not constructive!



I agree with this. 

I don't know you OP (obviously) but I know that most all of us can sometimes have a hard time seeing things about ourselves that might be working against us in the big picture. Obviously your "friends" are not being constructive in the way they're expressing themselves to you, but if you never get approached (and want to be), there could be a way you are coming across that you aren't realizing or wanting to. If you trust any of these friends, and they aren't just catty and out to insult people but they actually care about you, sometimes an honest conversation can be really helpful. Those kinds of conversations have been really helpful in my life anyway. Not always easy to hear, but when it's coming from someone who knows and loves me, it can be a real gift.


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## Jack Secret (Jun 29, 2011)

The first woman I ever encountered that would otherwise have been considered a bitch was actually just a woman that didn't like playing a long, drawnout game of "getting to know your new boyfriend/friend". I don't remember exactly what it was I said or did, but instead of sticking to niceties like most people would if offended or annoyed, she just came right out and said "okay… I don't like x,y or z." Boom… Just like that.

At first I didn't know how to react. First, apologized for whatever I did. As I thought more about her reaction it occurred to me how refreshing it was to be able to cut through all of the bullshit about gently (slowly) letting someone get to know your likes and dislikes.

Sexually, it would've been cool to have a partner that would communicate her wants and needs in the bedroom the same way she would socially!

To any guys or gals that have encountered such a person; what was your first reaction?



Jack Secret said:


> Personally, I think we live in a better world where men are intimidated by the personality/attitude of a confident fat woman who looks hot and intelligent (and knows it)! I think it's sexy…


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## Puddles (Jun 29, 2011)

Jes said:


> Thanks, Box. To the OP--would you consider sitting your friends down and asking them for examples of what they mean in regards to your behavior? You might get some helpful information. You might also tell them to stop using the word 'bitch' as it's hurtful and not constructive!



I have done this, and they can't give me specifics, which is no help. I had met a gal once, that said she didn't think that we would ever be friends, because she thought I was stuck up. After chatting and getting to know me, we went on to be/continue to be friends to this day, this is some 10 yrs later. 

I have tried self examination, and trying to be uber aware of myself when out in a social setting, and I don't see where I give off this vibe. Mind you I will be the first to tell you that I don't abide BULLSHIT! I believe in telling it like it is, but I do possess tack! This goes for romantic relationships, and friendships. 

I have considered that maybe it is a protection mechanism, that I am not aware exists, but if that was the case I would think I would be more shy and not likely to engage with people at any given moment. 

Sigh.....I guess I will continue to try and figure out why people think this about me. 

P.S. Thanks for all the thoughts on the matter though!


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## crayola box (Jun 29, 2011)

I wonder...did your friends mention this on their own, or during a conversation about not being approached by men? If the latter, then maybe they were just throwing a blind guess out there, instead of saying they don't know. Sometimes, in trying to help, people give random- and inapplicable- advice.


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## Puddles (Jun 29, 2011)

crayola box said:


> I wonder...did your friends mention this on their own, or during a conversation about not being approached by men? If the latter, then maybe they were just throwing a blind guess out there, instead of saying they don't know. Sometimes, in trying to help, people give random- and inapplicable- advice.



It was a conversation about the being approached by men.


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## AnnMarie (Jun 29, 2011)

Yup - happens a lot. 

Usually it's a misread because I'm kind of quiet if I don't know you, and frankly I just don't have the time to always be on and entertaining and all that jazz, it's just not me. I'm not a small talker - at all. 

So I come off bitchy, scary, and unapproachable. However, pretty much anyone who actually KNOWS me will tell you, as they've told me when I've mentioned I come off that way, that they can't imagine that. 

But I get it, I have a leave me a alone face. It's great because it really cuts down on the bullshit, but it certainly causes some people to just avoid me completely and assume I don't like them, etc, etc.


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## Fat Brian (Jun 29, 2011)

There is a guy where I work who has what we call "the shit face". When hes walking from place to another, maybe through a crowd that face comes out. It says leave me alone, don't talk to me, I'm busy. Hes also very short with people he doesn't know and very easily annoyed. Most people think hes an asshole.

A few years ago he came over to work with me. After a week or two he began to let his guard down and open up. He is one of the nicest and most genuine people I've ever got to know and if you ever met him you'd think he was a jerk. He has no polish on the surface, his quick relations skills are severely lacking. Once you get past the crusty shell into the gooey center his personality comes alive. 

I guess its partly coping mechanism, partly just being an individual. Some people are more private than others.


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## Jes (Jun 29, 2011)

Puddles said:


> I have considered that maybe it is a protection mechanism, that I am not aware exists, but if that was the case I would think I would be more shy and not likely to engage with people at any given moment.
> P.S. Thanks for all the thoughts on the matter though!



I used to think the same. But for me, making my boundaries clear too early, and trying to control the interaction, were defense mechanisms. You definitely don't have to be shy and retiring to still be acting defensively!

I'm absolutely not saying that's what you're doing, but I do know that when I hear people talking about boundaries so fast, it definitely makes me think: yup; sounds familiar!


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jul 1, 2011)

SillyLady said:


> Girl, don't worry about them. Just keep being yourself. People are going to always judge and assume before they ever get to know the person. The people who matter are the ones that don't assume the worst.
> 
> My best friend comes across cold and bitchy but she is FAR from it. The people don't give anyone a chance are the ones who are losing out.




quoted for truth.:bow:


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## MissAshley (Jul 2, 2011)

A lot of online people call me that before they get to know me. I know I can come off as pretty confident, and I guess that pisses people off because they aren't as confident.


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## Dromond (Jul 2, 2011)

Jes said:


> Thanks, Box. To the OP--would you consider sitting your friends down and asking them for examples of what they mean in regards to your behavior? You might get some helpful information. You might also tell them to stop using the word 'bitch' as it's hurtful and not constructive!



I am one of D's real life friends. D is confident, direct, honest, and takes no BS. She's also kinda loud, but in a good way. She's a lot of things, but "stuck up bitch" is not one of them.

Edit: "D" is Puddles, the OP.


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## Jes (Jul 2, 2011)

Dromond said:


> I am one of D's real life friends. D is confident, direct, honest, and takes no BS. She's also kinda loud, but in a good way. She's a lot of things, but "stuck up bitch" is not one of them.
> 
> Edit: "D" is Puddles, the OP.



Does she believe you? Bc in her post, she's asking us if she really is a stuck up bitch.

You might want to work harder on convincing her you don't think she is, since she's asking strangers, and you actually know her! good luck!


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## Dromond (Jul 2, 2011)

Jes said:


> Does she believe you? Bc in her post, she's asking us if she really is a stuck up bitch.
> 
> You might want to work harder on convincing her you don't think she is, since she's asking strangers, and you actually know her! good luck!



Your snark is legendary, Jes. Thank you for favoring me with it. I feel like a much better person for the experience.


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## Jes (Jul 2, 2011)

Dromond said:


> Your snark is legendary, Jes. Thank you for favoring me with it. I feel like a much better person for the experience.



sorry it came across that way---not how i intended it. but my point stands; i think your friend must not be convinced b/c she's asking us if she is, indeed, a bitch. you have more work to do!


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## Puddles (Jul 2, 2011)

Jes said:


> sorry it came across that way---not how i intended it. but my point stands; i think your friend must not be convinced b/c she's asking us if she is, indeed, a bitch. you have more work to do!



Dromond is not someone that has ever called, or thought of me as a "stuck up bitch" I value his opinions and I believe him when he says he doesn't consider me one. HOWEVER, I wasn't asking complete strangers if THEY thought I was a stuck up bitch, I was asking if anyone else had ever been told that, by their friends, or a stranger because they have an air of confidence about them, and they don't lie down on the floor for people and become a doormat!

How silly would it be to ask complete strangers that don't know me if they think I'm a stuck up bitch???


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## LovelyLiz (Jul 3, 2011)

Honestly, I don't think people usually call someone a bitch simply because that person is confident (with rare exceptions). It usually has to do with other personality traits that determine how that confidence is expressed. 

Not saying anyone should act or not act a certain way because of how other people might perceive them, but I don't think blaming people calling someone a "bitch" just on that person's "confidence" is accurate.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jul 3, 2011)

mcbeth said:


> Not saying anyone should act or not act a certain way because of how other people might perceive them, but I don't think blaming people calling someone a "bitch" just on that person's "confidence" is accurate.



I agree. However, confidence + outspokenness + disagreement might pose enough of a threat to provoke incivility from the anxious and/or intolerant.


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## superodalisque (Jul 3, 2011)

Puddles said:


> I have friends that tell me the reason that guys/men don't approach me when I am say out at a club, or even an outdoor event is because I give off the air of being "stuck up".
> 
> I counter with the fact that I am not ashamed to be a BBW, and I walk with confidence, head up, look people in the eye, smile...heck I even start conversations with total strangers. I am not afraid to talk to anyone about anything.
> 
> ...



the ONLY place i've ever encountered that is in the community among those looking for a person a victim mentality that they can exploit.


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## CastingPearls (Jul 3, 2011)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I agree. However, confidence + outspokenness + disagreement might pose enough of a threat to provoke incivility from the anxious and/or intolerant.





superodalisque said:


> the ONLY place i've ever encountered that is in the community among those looking for a person a victim mentality that they can exploit.



Reposting for emphasis (and because I can't rep)


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## luvbigfellas (Jul 3, 2011)

I've been called cold, distant, stand-offish, and aloof on occasion. Mostly, it's the fact that unless I know you, I kind of want to observe you before I decide whether or not to approach. I will definitely be social and all that if I figure out that I won't strongly dislike you like I do most of the population.

Also, I tend to listen to people more than talk.


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## aocutiepi (Jul 4, 2011)

I've been called a stuck-up bitch on many occasions, mostly by women who live in my small hometown area. I try to rationalize it because I have trouble seeing it myself. I'm one of those people who gives people the benefit of the doubt, I feel like I have an effervescence about me and will talk a complete stranger's ear off. I know that I have an issue with pride, that I KNOW that I am intelligent and thus carry myself like I know it, that I drop big words into conversations on a regular basis without much thought (because it's how I think and talk 99.9999% of the time) of whether or not the women who I used to work with knew what I was saying... because of many of my blessings, I've been successful at college, I've traveled the world singing... I am proud of who I am. I don't really think I'm boastful (it might sound like it here, haha) but maybe these women take what I'm saying and attach their own interpretation onto the message?

I have no reason to be ashamed of myself (even my fat body) and thus don't carry myself like I am ashamed. I walk with my head held high and a big smile on my face. I know I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I think that maybe that's off-putting, that I walk tall. I think some men (the lesser evolved ones) think that ALL women, not just fat women, should have that demure lesserness about them and here I am, knowing that I'm pretty freaking amazing. This probably goes double for fat women but since I'm usually the fatty in a circle of "hot" ladies, I see it happen to my thin friends, too. My gorgeous size 0 petite, blonde, big breasted friend dates with as little frequency as I do. She just graduated from law school and wants to be a prosecutor. It's intimidating for some people (I think it's awesome but as someone who can also be intimidating, maybe I just love the company).

You know, talking through this made me realize something. If you live in your body, no matter the look of that body, if a person finds a reason to be intimidated by you, especially if there is more than one reason... you're toast. I think there are too many people in this world who like to be top-dog in the pecking order of their social circle, and if they see a flaw they perceive in themselves manifesting in someone else in a positive way, in someone who is near their circle, they flip their proverbial shit. Instead of approaching this person and learning from this person, they get all of their social circle to knock this person back "down to earth." You know, so they stay comfortably at the top, "unthreatened." 

Maybe I should move. I quit my job last year to get away from being called a snobby bitch 24/7 which seemed to curb a lot of that stuff (thankfully it is NOT happening at my new job!).

And... maybe I'm overthinking this. I've been known to do it from time to time.


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## Jes (Jul 5, 2011)

Puddles said:


> How silly would it be to ask complete strangers that don't know me if they think I'm a stuck up bitch???



I thought the same thing...


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## bigbri (Jul 15, 2011)

You can please all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time....but you will never please a girlfirend if the man speaks to you FIRST! Bitch! Go be yourself, you have one of the prettiest faces I've ever seen.


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## Jack Secret (Jul 15, 2011)

It does sound like a lot of your troubles come from the small town thing. Fear not when you are around this place! You are surrounded by spirited, lively and intelligent friends here.

Craig-



aocutiepi said:


> I've been called a stuck-up bitch on many occasions, mostly by women who live in my small hometown area. I try to rationalize it because I have trouble seeing it myself. I'm one of those people who gives people the benefit of the doubt, I feel like I have an effervescence about me and will talk a complete stranger's ear off. I know that I have an issue with pride, that I KNOW that I am intelligent and thus carry myself like I know it, that I drop big words into conversations on a regular basis without much thought (because it's how I think and talk 99.9999% of the time) of whether or not the women who I used to work with knew what I was saying... because of many of my blessings, I've been successful at college, I've traveled the world singing... I am proud of who I am. I don't really think I'm boastful (it might sound like it here, haha) but maybe these women take what I'm saying and attach their own interpretation onto the message?
> 
> I have no reason to be ashamed of myself (even my fat body) and thus don't carry myself like I am ashamed. I walk with my head held high and a big smile on my face. I know I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I think that maybe that's off-putting, that I walk tall. I think some men (the lesser evolved ones) think that ALL women, not just fat women, should have that demure lesserness about them and here I am, knowing that I'm pretty freaking amazing. This probably goes double for fat women but since I'm usually the fatty in a circle of "hot" ladies, I see it happen to my thin friends, too. My gorgeous size 0 petite, blonde, big breasted friend dates with as little frequency as I do. She just graduated from law school and wants to be a prosecutor. It's intimidating for some people (I think it's awesome but as someone who can also be intimidating, maybe I just love the company).
> 
> ...


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## MissAshley (Jul 15, 2011)

Actually I think in my last post I was more talking about being called "stuck up" because I am rarely called a bitch. I am usually the "nice girl" that the bitches try to target. 

But I have been called stuck up a few times and accused of thinking that I am better than others, which is the reason why I said confidence comes into factor. I go to another board full of 20 year olds with low confidence and who are so critical of themselves, so when someone like me expresses an ounce of confidence, it translates to them as being overconfident. At least that is my personal theory. I am confident for sure, but I don't think I am better than anyone.


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## catracha (Jul 15, 2011)

People have said Im a bitch cause Im shy at first, even though I warm up to people quickly, It's sometimes hard for me to trust people. Once I get over my trust issues Im fun, friendly, and outgoing.


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## Prince Dyscord (Jul 24, 2011)

I've had that problem actually. Namely because I tend to be quiet and introverted, people tend to think I'm stuck up.


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## *Goofy*Girl* (Jul 25, 2011)

I get that, but only from people who either don't really know me or ex-friends, so I don't take it seriously.


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## bettylulu (Jul 25, 2011)

I've got that a few times, but I think I finally figured out why (for me only). On another board, we call it (pardon the language) "The Natural Bitch Face." It's basically my relaxed, neutral facial expression was really sort of hard looking. People will say things like, "What's wrong? Are you mad?" and I had no clue what they were talking about, I was happy and in a great mood. My attitude is really bubbly and perky, but that wasn't coming across in my expression. I sometimes remember to look a little more soft, but to be honest, most of the time I forget and go back to that natural hard expression.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Jul 25, 2011)

Big lady or not, I myself am a skinny little skeleton and get called stuck up and intimidating and so on all the time.

I get the idea that in the minds of some people, they make the assumption that if you're fat, you're supposed to be insecure and treat you like you're subhuman.

Being fat doesn't make you less of a person, in the literal sense, it makes you more of a person, but in the figurative sense, it makes no damn difference.

So, if they have a problem with you, it's their problem. Keep being you, be happy with you, and make those you care about happy with you.

Love the saying of Dr. Seuss' Cat in the Hat I heard once:
"Be who you are and not what others want you to be because those who mind don't matter and those who matter do not mind."

It's all a matter of action and reaction and it won't always be a positive one, but don't let it bring you down because you can't please everyone.


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## Lamia (Jul 25, 2011)

I suffer from CAFS (crab apple face syndrome) so people probably think I am a bitch. I can't help it. I know this because I've seen videos of me and I am looking at people like their pieces of shit which is the farthest thing from my mind. 
I try to be mindful of it and smile which probably makes me look like a cooing baby but oh well can't worry about what people think.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Jul 25, 2011)

I have this mellow/stoned look sometimes or this really hard and grumpy face and i get the comments like above me, or above my previous post. I just tend to sink away into this 'blank mind' or 'daydream' zone.


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## NurseVicki (Jul 25, 2011)

nice to know I am not alone in getting the stuck up bitch Label aw well one can not please every one so if they bother to get to know me they soon learn different , but most wont and I have a lot of friends so I am not worried that i seem stuck up to some! Remember dont sweat the small stuff!


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## Frankhw (Jul 25, 2011)

bettylulu said:


> I've got that a few times, but I think I finally figured out why (for me only). On another board, we call it (pardon the language) "The Natural Bitch Face." It's basically my relaxed, neutral facial expression was really sort of hard looking. People will say things like, "What's wrong? Are you mad?" and I had no clue what they were talking about, I was happy and in a great mood. My attitude is really bubbly and perky, but that wasn't coming across in my expression. I sometimes remember to look a little more soft, but to be honest, most of the time I forget and go back to that natural hard expression.





Lamia said:


> I suffer from CAFS (crab apple face syndrome) so people probably think I am a bitch. I can't help it. I know this because I've seen videos of me and I am looking at people like their pieces of shit which is the farthest thing from my mind.
> I try to be mindful of it and smile which probably makes me look like a cooing baby but oh well can't worry about what people think.





SlightlyMorbid said:


> I have this mellow/stoned look sometimes or this really hard and grumpy face and i get the comments like above me, or above my previous post. I just tend to sink away into this 'blank mind' or 'daydream' zone.



OK It's nice to know I'm not the only one. (that has a grumpy face when neutral or daydreaming). Mine is scary enough that Betty still asks me what is wrong when I'm honestly just tired or "not there" (ie. daydreaming) and she's known me for almost 11 years. (Our 9th anniversary is in Nov.)

As for being called stuck up or an a**hole or bitch. I usually see (or even get called that) when someones nose ends up out of joint because you don't fawn over them or their interests. 

I'm a gamer geek with a manufacturing job so I "disturb" my co-workers sense of self importance REAL often by just not being interested in sports or what an actor/actress is doing. (OMG can you believe what Emma Watson did to her hair?  Personally I think it's cute and she has the right to choose her own look. If it to flips off the people that expect her to whore her life out for their entertainment just because she's an actress? To bad for them.)

The biggest irony I've come across? The people that get offended because you don't give them a reason to be offended. :huh:


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## TexasTrouble (Jul 25, 2011)

> OK It's nice to know I'm not the only one. (that has a grumpy face when neutral or daydreaming).



I've heard people refer to this as their "screensaver face," which I think is a funny way to describe it. I teach college students and there's been several times when, during lecture, some students look downright hostile or mad. I always end up thinking what I've said that's been offensive. Then I talk with them and find out they really like the class, it's just their screensaver makes them appear unhappy.


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## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 25, 2011)

AnnMarie said:


> Yup - happens a lot.
> 
> Usually it's a misread because I'm kind of quiet if I don't know you, and frankly I just don't have the time to always be on and entertaining and all that jazz, it's just not me. I'm not a small talker - at all.
> 
> ...



AnnMarie, you just described me to a T! xo


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## KittyKitten (Jul 26, 2011)

No, that's my problem, I smile too much. I look too friendly. Lots of people IRL see me and think "Oh, she's so cute n innocent". Ya....:happy::happy:


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## SlightlyMorbid (Jul 26, 2011)

i rarely smile because i hate how my boyfriend gets that whole "OMG YOU ArE SO CUTE" fit.


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## LovelyLiz (Jul 26, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> i rarely smile because i hate how my boyfriend gets that whole "OMG YOU ArE SO CUTE" fit.



I think this is one of those complaints where people roll their eyes in response and say how much it must suck to be you.


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## PhiloGirl (Aug 1, 2011)

I think sometimes it also has to do with a personality conflict, rather than a clash of confidence and insecurity. Some people who are loud are confident, but others are overcompensating. Some who are quiet are afraid to speak up, and some are just secure in their quiet personality and don't care if strangers think they're boring, stuck up, etc.

This thread makes me think of a former friend. We had a ton of things in common, but for certain traditions / behaviors, we were just raised with different ideas. I knew she cared about me, but our differing customs sometimes made me feel like she was inconsiderate, even cold. It was because she didn't place the same importance on certain things like I did. I think the same can happen when it comes to what you believe about meeting new people. Some like mutual friends to 'formally' introduce them. Some men will stand up when a lady comes to the table ( yes, it still exists, I have SEEN it!  )

My overall point here is that we all have different ways of relating, different ideas of what is acceptable / expected when meeting new people, and if we don't have the same ideas of what friendliness is... it doesn't neccessarily make either one of us rude or wrong, confident or insecure. Just different. And possibly a little harder to understand and get to know.


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## GlassDaemon (Aug 2, 2011)

I'd say yes, but I really am a bitch.... though I'm not stuck up. I just don't put up with crap and it can come off really bad, that mixed with my blunt honesty makes me look really really mean. I realize this, and I don't care, I've been told before I'd have more friends if I was nicer. Oh, well, those that matter understand my cruel sense of humor and proceed to throw it back in my face.  I love my friends.


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## CastingPearls (Aug 2, 2011)

A bitch? Yes. My answer to that is, 'Yeah, I suck. Pass the popcorn.'

Stuck-up? Never.


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## Fairia (Aug 3, 2011)

I've always had delusional/worrying thoughts of being called either stuck or or b!tch if I was doing or saying something that sounded condescending or had a mean streak to it. It's not pretty when it amps up a bit every month when PMS before, during and after my period is around.


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