# The FA in their golden years



## HereticFA (Jun 29, 2007)

I've occasionally considered my future as an FA who also tends to come from a somewhat long lived bloodline. (Not 'Lazarus Long' style 'long lived', just living to the mid 90's.)

My SSBBW wife has the stereotypical littany of health problems and her dad died from a heart attack in his sixties. Considering that we're both in our (very) early 50's, I'm hoping for a least a decade and a half of continuing marital bliss together. Realistically, it may be at most a couple of decades.

My moderate concern is eventually being a widowed FA and only having women available who look like this. (See recent Madonna pic at http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages...661&in_page_id=1773&ICO=TV_SHOWBIZ&ICL=TOPART which highlights her current sinuey, vascular and hollow cheeked appearance.) That picture showcases what I find extremely unattractive in average size to thin women. It frustrates me to think that the majority of women who look like that will probably live so much longer than my beloved.

I'm curious if any other FAs have thought about this and what your thoughts were? While I've decided I'd keep looking (probably expanding my horizons to those younger than me), I realize I'd possibly have to accept going it alone. (I apologize for such a morbid topic but I'm the engineering type and I like to do a little 'monte carlo analysis' with real life issues. And if you've never considered this, I apologize for infecting you with this meme.)


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## imfree (Jun 29, 2007)

HereticFA said:


> I've occasionally considered my future as an FA who also tends to come from a somewhat long lived bloodline. (Not 'Lazarus Long' style 'long lived', just living to the mid 90's.)
> 
> My SSBBW wife has the stereotypical littany of health problems and her dad died from a heart attack in his sixties. Considering that we're both in our (very) early 50's, I'm hoping for a least a decade and a half of continuing marital bliss together. Realistically, it may be at most a couple of decades.
> 
> ...





....to being there, myself. Being a 52 year old, 420 lb, 5'8"
SSBHM & FA, I'm having similar thoughts. I'm going to watch this
thread.


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## surfjer (Jun 29, 2007)

As a married FA I'm always torn between my preference for the SSBBW and my concerns for their health. My wife and my family are most important so I would never discourage her from taking steps to improve her health. I've been supportive of her in all parts of our lives and this is no different.


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 29, 2007)

But have you done anything to work with your wife to address her "litany" of health problems, or do you find your time better spent displaying pictures of women who don't meet your criteria for hotness and denigrating them while pointing out that it is frustrating that healthy eating and exercise cause people to live longer. (I refuse to comment on the picture of Madonna as it is besides the point.)

It sounds from your post like you've just sort of given up and are sitting around waiting for your wife to die. Is there any reason why you are expending your time calculating how long it will be before she expires rather than trying to figure out to ho improve her health? There is a health forum on here; why not go read that or talk to a doctor or dietician about what your wife can do to maybe NOT die a premature death.

I hope beyond hope you have not ever discouraged her from losing weight if she would gain health benefits from doing so, particularly when she has a family history of heart disease. Or forget trying to lose weight, but just trying to focus on exercise or better eating habits. I hope you have not ever underminded such an effort on the basis that it might result in a body that did not excite you as much.

Many (not all) health problems can be reversed. One woman on here posted about being in the early stages of heart disease, but was told it was reversible. Many of the stereotypical health problems your wife may have such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, etc. can be managed or treated both with medication AND with healthier eating and exercise if a doctor signs off on that.

But really, if you love your wife stop posting pictures of thin women online and saying how awful they look and get your wife to the office of a medical professional and do something about it instead of just writing her off.


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## Waxwing (Jun 29, 2007)

HereticFA said:


> My moderate concern is eventually being a widowed FA and only having women available who look like this. (See recent Madonna pic at http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages...661&in_page_id=1773&ICO=TV_SHOWBIZ&ICL=TOPART which highlights her current sinuey, vascular and hollow cheeked appearance.) That picture showcases what I find extremely unattractive in average size to thin women.



This part of your post is vile. What a judgmental and repulsive thing to say.


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## SamanthaNY (Jun 29, 2007)

You're lucky, Wax. I found the *entire *first post repulsive and offensive.


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## Waxwing (Jun 29, 2007)

SamanthaNY said:


> You're lucky, Wax. I found the *entire *first post repulsive and offensive.



Ha. You're right. I just picked one item, but really the whole thing was a car crash.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 29, 2007)

HereticFA said:


> I've occasionally considered my future as an FA who also tends to come from a somewhat long lived bloodline. (Not 'Lazarus Long' style 'long lived', just living to the mid 90's.)
> 
> My SSBBW wife has the stereotypical littany of health problems and her dad died from a heart attack in his sixties. Considering that we're both in our (very) early 50's, I'm hoping for a least a decade and a half of continuing marital bliss together. Realistically, it may be at most a couple of decades.
> 
> ...



Okay, I'd find this morally offensive if you were talking about replacing a cat.

Your wife? I actually can't bring myself to believe you're serious. You're "worried" that when your wife is dead, you won't have a woman to your liking to nail?

You're going to be a very lonely old man.


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## Waxwing (Jun 29, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> You're going to be a very lonely old man.



At least there's some justice in that.


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## Grandi Floras (Jun 29, 2007)

I being a driver of The Senior Services for the past eleven years, I have seen many sizes, shapes and health aspects of my clients, and I can tell you that either thin or Fat, they all have health issues of one or the other and just because you are thin, a body builder or whatever, if your body is not happy where it is at, it will fight back and you will be sick.

There are health issues with bodie builders, such as menstruation stops and general health is at risk.


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## wrestlingguy (Jun 29, 2007)

My father, who is now 80 years old, has been dating a BBW on and off for the past 4 years. She is 71, and is not going anywhere.

I am hoping that the underlying theme of this post is that older BBW's are not attractive, and your real goal is to kick it with a 35 year old fat girl when you're 70.

If you love your wife, but you're serious about this, pray that you grow old together, or that you die first.


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 29, 2007)

Grandi Floras said:


> I being a driver of The Senior Services for the past eleven years, I have seen many sizes, shapes and health aspects of my clients, and I can tell you that either thin or Fat, they all have health issues of one or the other and just because you are thin, a body builder or whatever, if your body is not happy where it is at, it will fight back and you will be sick.
> 
> There are health issues with bodie builders, such as menstruation stops and general health is at risk.



Nobody said that being skinny equaled being healthy. 

What the OP said was that his wife had a "stereotypical" littany of health issues and clearly believes that her weight is exacerbating them. Or that whatever practices she has engaged in that have increased her weight have made her sick. He is also assuming she is going to die in the near future and bemoaned the fact that he does not think a smaller and fitter woman will die as quickly as his wife. He also did not mention either of them making any attempt to address her health problems but seems to feel her imminent death is a foregone conclusion.


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## Emma (Jun 29, 2007)

Wow, just wow.


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## SamanthaNY (Jun 29, 2007)

Just.... staggering.









If my husband EVER posted anything like this OP - he wouldn't have to worry about me dying first.


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## Tad (Jun 29, 2007)

SamanthaNY said:


> You're lucky, Wax. I found the *entire *first post repulsive and offensive.



I'm laughing here, I really am. See, reading hereticFA's post, I just knew that it would draw some of this sort of reaction. 

In some ways I'd say "this is why engineers should be careful around normal people." To many engineers nothing is out of bounds for dispassionate analysis. So a married engineer is of course going to consider the future--if I die first, is my spouse going to be OK? If my spouse dies first, what will I do? 

Having said that, there are at least a couple of faulty assumptions in here.

One is that your wife's health problems means that she'll die before you. In fact at the moment, let her read that post and your life expectancy may drop dramatically..... But more seriously, not all health problems are untreatable, or lethal, and not everyone who is in apparent good health lives to a ripe old age. But you are right that genetics does play a substantial role, so if you take after your family you may have the right genes to life to an unusually old age--my father's family is like that, and I suspect that he'll out live my mother by at least a decade, despite the fact that she's lived a healthier life for decades, she just didn't come up as lucky in the genetic lottery. Still, there are no guarantees--I hope you have good life insurance, in case you do go first.

Second, you are assuming that you'll want to get married, or at least attached again. You may well want to, but some people find that they don't.

Third, and this is a big one, you assuming that no bigger women life to a ripe old age. Some do have the lucky genes, and will live to an advanced age. So there will still be women of your age that will appeal to your FA nature.

Finally, you assumed that if you desire to pair up again, you would do it with a woman about the same age as you. There may well be a somewhat younger BBW that would suit you well. Of course, she might perform an analysis showing that you are apt to die well before her, and she might be planning on how shell enjoy herself with your estate afterwards. After all, whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

Overall, my advice is:

-Take good care of your wife, and hopefully you'll never be in this situation.
- Don't idly speculate on this sort of thing in mixed company.

Regards;

-Ed


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 29, 2007)

> I'm laughing here, I really am. See, reading hereticFA's post, I just knew that it would draw some of this sort of reaction.



We gals are just so predictable at taking offense at something like this.


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 29, 2007)

HereticFA said:


> I've occasionally considered my future as an FA who also tends to come from a somewhat long lived bloodline. (Not 'Lazarus Long' style 'long lived', just living to the mid 90's.)
> 
> My SSBBW wife has the stereotypical littany of health problems and her dad died from a heart attack in his sixties. Considering that we're both in our (very) early 50's, I'm hoping for a least a decade and a half of continuing marital bliss together. Realistically, it may be at most a couple of decades.
> 
> ...



I think this is an issue that just about everyone has to think about. Rarely do spouses and SO's die at the same time and often after a certian length of years, no one seems to measure up to the lost loved one. The chances you'll die in a firey auto crash and leave your spouse to fend for herself is a possibility as well. Make sure that each of you have good insurance coverage. 

It is also likely that if your spouse should expire before you despite all efforts to keep her healthy, you'll meet some 72 year old piece of 300 pound jail bait later on in life. Make sure you keep yourself in good shape also just in case. Resting on your laurels that you're going to outlive your spouse and still have all your faculties about you to tom cat around into your 90's is not safe to assume. Better to be safe than sorry. Get a gym membership and start going. Bring your wife with you and sign her up too!


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## Waxwing (Jun 29, 2007)

edx said:


> I'm laughing here, I really am. See, reading hereticFA's post, I just knew that it would draw some of this sort of reaction.
> 
> In some ways I'd say "this is why engineers should be careful around normal people." To many engineers nothing is out of bounds for dispassionate analysis.


 
Well, shucks. We aim to amuse! 

Look. I have a remarkably analytical and often very dispassionate nature. I'm all for honest discussion. But the original post was not that. It was a creepy, judgmental load of bullshit. 

There's a massive difference between: 

"I'm concerned about what will happen if my wife dies before I." 
and 
"My fat wife is gonna die and man to I hate a skinny chick." 

The former? Interesting. The latter? Abhorrent. And the advice to not idly speculate in mixed company? Speculate all you want! Just don't be a douche.


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## Tad (Jun 29, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> We gals are just so predictable at taking offense at something like this.



Well, not just women. I probably needed to add some words to that.

I come from a heavily engineering family, studied engineering, and have friends who are engineers. Some times we analyze things because they are there, not because it is a desired outcome. If he'd posted some thoughts about how best to blow up an air liner despite the current security screenings, I'm sure there would have been people also upset, but as an engineer I'd have been interested in the analysis. Likewise I've had fairly detailed discussions about how to steal an armored car, how best to poison a large city, and the effects of genocide on economic growth. Not because I'm a monster who encourages any of those things or wants them to happen, but because the topic came up, the answers were not obvious, so we thought about it. 

I've just learned that you generally have to be careful who you have those discussions around. Some people are going to react strongly to the emotional or moral component of the issue, and find the whole discussion abhorent. Reading his post, put on a public board like this, I knew that some people would find the topic abhorrent.

A quick word about a monte carlo analysis. The goal of this exercise is to exercise all the variables for different values, and see what happens. So he'd be looking at all sorts of outcomes, from them both dying in the next decade, to him outliving her by twenty or more years. It is an exercise in what could hapen. It is NOT an exercise in: what I want to happen.

Having said all that, I really don't see the point in trashing Madonna, holding her up as typical, or linking to the picture. I don't see how that added value to the analysis.

Regards;

-Ed


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## SamanthaNY (Jun 29, 2007)

edx said:


> I'm laughing here, I really am.








Am I insane? I must be. Or it's time to turn lesbian.


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## Ned Sonntag (Jun 29, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> I think this is an issue that just about everyone has to think about. Rarely do spouses and SO's die at the same time and often after a certian length of years, no one seems to measure up to the lost loved one. The chances you'll die in a firey auto crash and leave your spouse to fend for herself is a possibility as well. Make sure that each of you have good insurance coverage.
> 
> It is also likely that if your spouse should expire before you despite all efforts to keep her healthy, you'll meet some 72 year old piece of 300 pound jail bait later on in life. Make sure you keep yourself in good shape also just in case. Resting on your laurels that you're going to outlive your spouse and still have all your faculties about you to tom cat around into your 90's is not safe to assume. Better to be safe than sorry. Get a gym membership and start going. Bring your wife with you and sign her up too!


Yipes- my wife as many of you know, was really radical about her fatness and being a creative outlaw in general, and sadly passed away in her mid50s last year. Pretty awful... but getting to dance with Lilly last summer was certainly a bright spot in the gloom... plus her Klingon battle armor was quite becoming!


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## Waxwing (Jun 29, 2007)

That's a lame and wholly fallacious excuse, ed. 

It has NOTHING TO DO with the analysis of what will happen if your mate's death precedes yours. It is the general sense of "my wife is in ill health but whoops! what are you gonna do? but boy i hope i don't have to fuck a skinny chick when i'm 60!"


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 29, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> That's a lame and wholly fallacious excuse, ed.
> 
> It has NOTHING TO DO with the analysis of what will happen if your mate's death precedes yours. It is the general sense of "my wife is in ill health but whoops! what are you gonna do? but boy i hope i don't have to fuck a skinny chick when i'm 60!"



His general attitude was what offended people, not the fact that he was thinking about his wife dying before him.

What was worst of all was he never once said anything about trying to help her, or really caring about her health beyond the fact that she was doomed to die young and tangentially, skinny women are ugly.


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## Tad (Jun 29, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> That's a lame and wholly fallacious excuse, ed.
> 
> It has NOTHING TO DO with the analysis of what will happen if your mate's death precedes yours. It is the general sense of "my wife is in ill health but whoops! what are you gonna do? but boy i hope i don't have to fuck a skinny chick when i'm 60!"



I guess we are focussing mostly on different parts of the post. What I'm mostly looking at is:



> ..... and her dad died from a heart attack in his sixties. Considering that we're both in our (very) early 50's, I'm hoping for a least a decade and a half of continuing marital bliss together. Realistically, it may be at most a couple of decades.



Which can come across as cold, but is the sort of thing I think is reasonable to think about.

The rest of it, eh, I didn't pay a lot of attention. As I've said, I thought the trashing of madonna and the link to her picture didn't add anything, and I said I thought he didn't make a great analysis.  

In other words: I'm not agreeing with his conclusions, but I'm saying having the discussion, including agreeing or not agreeing, should be allowed. However, I do not think that a public web board is the best venue for such a discussion, for a variety of reasons. After reading the initial post I clicked back, intending to avoid the hold discussion. But then I wondered what the responses would be like, would they be of the kind that I expected, so curiosity drew me back. They were about what I expected.

I was still thinking that I did not want to further this discussion in public, so my first response was to send a PM to hereticFA, rather than get involved on the boards. Further I knew that by responding Id draw some crap as well. I figured it would be a bit like going on Jerry Springer to issue a rebuttal to something, no matter what, there is little chance of coming out of it with dignity and image fully intact. Lots of reasons not to post, and to stay out of the discussion.

But then I came back yet again, for one reason. I really dislike how dare you think that! replies, which seemed to be most of what he was going to get. I think that is a dangerous attitude in any community, as it drives out diversity good and bad alike. I especially am uncomfortable when there is a chorus of that sort of response, as it gives the impression of This is what the entire community thinks. The entire community may not think that, but who wants to stand side by side with someone identified of bad thoughts? This was enough to persuade me to post. I really do think that it is important to engage people whose ideas you are not comfortable with, not just shout them down, so that was what I tried to do. In other words, yes, I mostly posted because I was annoyed by the responders, not because I liked the initial post.

Of course, I should have waited until I was not so annoyed by the shame on you! type responses. I did not wait, and I also responded in an emotional manner, which of course did nothing to move things towards a rational discussion. Two wrongs dont make a right, so I apologize for the laughing comment. It was not called for. I could have made that point in a much less emotionally laden and confrontational way.

Regards;

-Ed


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## Waxwing (Jun 29, 2007)

edx said:


> I guess we are focussing mostly on different parts of the post. What I'm mostly looking at is:
> 
> 
> 
> Which can come across as cold, but is the sort of thing I think is reasonable to think about.



No apology needed! 

Oh I agree, and I think that is an important thing to discuss. It's an interesting issue and I'm sure that a lot of people have those worries. It would be great to start a thread about that which didn't begin with such an offensive OP.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 29, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> Look. I have a remarkably analytical and often very dispassionate nature. I'm all for honest discussion. But the original post was not that. It was a creepy, judgmental load of bullshit.




Waxwing, you are an extraordinarily brilliant, articulate, quirky, ironic, and completely delightful individual. But if you are dispassionate, then I am the Pope.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 29, 2007)

Here's the thing: I prefer taller people of either sex. I sometimes think through what I'd do if my boyfriend died. Sometimes I talk about it. I don't ask people how to avoid having to do a short person.


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## Waxwing (Jun 29, 2007)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> Waxwing, you are an extraordinarily brilliant, articulate, quirky, ironic, and completely delightful individual. But if you are dispassionate, then I am the Pope.



Bwahahahahahaha

Okay that was the funniest thing ever. Thank you.


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 29, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Here's the thing: I prefer taller people of either sex. I sometimes think through what I'd do if my boyfriend died. Sometimes I talk about it. I don't ask people how to avoid having to do a short person.



do you post links to pictures of short people and point out how hideous they are? Or expound on just why you find short folk wholly unattractive?


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## Mini (Jun 29, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> do you post links to pictures of short people and point out how hideous they are? Or expound on just why you find short folk wholly unattractive?



Only in PM's.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 29, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> do you post links to pictures of short people and point out how hideous they are? Or expound on just why you find short folk wholly unattractive?



Both! I mean, it's just me being analytical when I say short people are disgusting. You have to understand, Love, people like me in project management in construction are very analytical people who enjoy considering the "what ifs." It's part of our nature. A person such as yourself wouldn't understand.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 29, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> I mean, it's just me being analytical when I say short people are disgusting.




"They got dirty little fingers,
And dirty little minds;
They gonna get you ev'ry time..."


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 29, 2007)

Mini said:


> Only in PM's.



Well, duh. It's called TACT. 



Dr. Feelgood said:


> "They got dirty little fingers,
> And dirty little minds;
> They gonna get you ev'ry time..."



THANK YOU!


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## Spanky (Jun 29, 2007)

Pope Feelgood I

Pope Dr. Feelgood I

Dr. Pope Feelgood I

Just trying them out in case......


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## Waxwing (Jun 29, 2007)

Spanky said:


> Pope Feelgood I
> 
> Pope Dr. Feelgood I
> 
> ...



Pope Feelgood served right before Pious XIV, but was later declared a heretic and excommunicated.


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## ruachwinds (Jun 29, 2007)

Are you still standing? It seems (to me) much of the information communicated was valid. Yet I am curious about its "affect." Were you informed? And did the delivery of information make any difference?


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 29, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Well, duh. It's called TACT.



That, my friends, is the magic word: TACT.
There's a fine line between concern and picture links to Madonna.  
I'm suddenly being reminded of that time Madonna tried to rap. (SIGH)... It was glorious...


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## Tad (Jun 29, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> Oh I agree, and I think that is an important thing to discuss. It's an interesting issue and I'm sure that a lot of people have those worries. It would be great to start a thread about that which didn't begin with such an offensive OP.



On this I agree with you completely! (and that I agree with you completely on something must indicate that the end days are nigh, or something  )

-Ed


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Jun 29, 2007)

I'm dumbfounded. 

As the husband of a SSBBW who will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary nexy February, I would never even THINK about something as tacky as her potential replacement. Or to post about it on a forum where other SSBBWs would see it....

When I took the wedding vow, it said "till death do us part", and that's how I'm taking it.


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## Waxwing (Jun 29, 2007)

edx said:


> On this I agree with you completely! (and that I agree with you completely on something must indicate that the end days are nigh, or something  )
> 
> -Ed



Verily it is a sign of the apocalypse.  



Wayne_Zitkus said:


> I'm dumbfounded.
> 
> As the husband of a SSBBW who will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary nexy February, I would never even THINK about something as tacky as her potential replacement. Or to post about it on a forum where other SSBBWs would see it....
> 
> When I took the wedding vow, it said "till death do us part", and that's how I'm taking it.



Now THAT is what we needed. Thank you. Learn something, Heretic.


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## tonynyc (Jun 29, 2007)

Ned Sonntag said:


> Yipes- my wife as many of you know, was really radical about her fatness and being a creative outlaw in general, and sadly passed away in her mid50s last year. Pretty awful... but getting to dance with Lilly last summer was certainly a bright spot in the gloom... plus her Klingon battle armor was quite becoming!



*Ned:
So sorry for your loss of your and it's only been a year and hope that you are dealing with each day better.  I can certainly relate when it come to losing a loved one, Deb aka 'Whimsical Angel' in 2004. I was a basketcase and going to grievance counseling for the 1st time in my life help me cope. As I look back, the irony was that the counselor was a BBW (for some reason) I can picture Deb laughing at that. Hope for brighter days ahead. 

And on other notes....

1. If this issue was something not previously discussed with your wife, reading this post can make for some hurt feelings. If the situtation were reversed and your wife wrote the post- how would you feel? 

2. You lose a loved one and it's not like you can replace them like some 'object' or find their 'twin'. you love and appreciate your wife and treat each day as golden- starting right now. 

3.Life offers NO GUARANTEES- other Dimmers have mentioned genetics and heck she might have better genetics despite her current medical issues and could outlive you.*




Wayne_Zitkus said:


> I'm dumbfounded.
> 
> As the husband of a SSBBW who will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary nexy February, I would never even THINK about something as tacky as her potential replacement. Or to post about it on a forum where other SSBBWs would see it....
> 
> When I took the wedding vow, it said "till death do us part", and that's how I'm taking it.



*Wayne- so true treasure what you have. Couldn't have been said better.*


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jun 29, 2007)

Hey Ray,

You and I have had some very interesting conversations online and in person - so when I read this, at first, I laughed pretty damn hard. Knowing you a little, this is not unexpected to me, but I have to say it is kinda a touchy subject, and one probably better left to private conversations with good friends.

Sandie Z



HereticFA said:


> I've occasionally considered my future as an FA who also tends to come from a somewhat long lived bloodline. (Not 'Lazarus Long' style 'long lived', just living to the mid 90's.)
> 
> My SSBBW wife has the stereotypical littany of health problems and her dad died from a heart attack in his sixties. Considering that we're both in our (very) early 50's, I'm hoping for a least a decade and a half of continuing marital bliss together. Realistically, it may be at most a couple of decades.
> 
> ...


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## pani (Jun 29, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> Well, shucks. We aim to amuse!
> 
> Look. I have a remarkably analytical and often very dispassionate nature. I'm all for honest discussion. But the original post was not that. It was a creepy, judgmental load of bullshit.
> 
> ...



I am a sociologist who can also be quite dispassionate in evaluting the issues. But I have to agree with Waxwing and the camp that says this post is just creepy!!!!!!! And btw, just FYI, while you are in the health forum, look up healthy, happy old people to see just how many BBW do live to a ripe old age!

Well said Waxwing!!!!!!!!


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## Waxwing (Jun 29, 2007)

pani said:


> I am a sociologist who can also be quite dispassionate in evaluting the issues. But I have to agree with Waxwing and the camp that says this post is just creepy!!!!!!! And btw, just FYI, while you are in the health forum, look up healthy, happy old people to see just how many BBW do live to a ripe old age!
> 
> Well said Waxwing!!!!!!!!



Oh man and I was just all irked at you in another thread.  But what's bitchin' about a forum like this is that we can argue one moment and make out the next. 

And damn right about there being many MANY happy healthy old fat men and women.

dammit.


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## imfree (Jun 29, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> .........(snipped)......
> 
> And damn right about there being many MANY happy healthy old fat men and women.
> 
> dammit.



Amen!, that's what I want to be, the guy in a fat, happy old couple!
There you go Waxwing!


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Jun 29, 2007)

pani said:


> And btw, just FYI, while you are in the health forum, look up healthy, happy old people to see just how many BBW do live to a ripe old age!


In my own family, I had an aunt who was a BBW her entire adult life - part of it an SSBBW. She lived to 73.

My mother was very weight-conscious, and lived to 72....


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## HereticFA (Jul 3, 2007)

As a few people have correctly surmised, this was the result of a little scenario forcasting. Since I've been involved in planning on how to handle disasters that might happen to thousands of people, this was my personal version. It is just something to pass the time, like some people play "soduku". I'm not sitting around waiting for death for my wife or myself. On the contrary, we enjoy fairly active lifestyles (as active as people who have fairly sedentary hobbies and careers can be). She goes to the gym two to three times a week and I lift weights and walk the stairs at work. But she has trouble with her BG and will probably "graduate" to insulin in the near future. It's that pesky stat about the average lifespan of diabetics being about 14 years after they are first diagnosed that concerns me Certainly, some live much longer (and I'm sure several will chime in to provide anecdotal information of some diabetic relative of theirs that lived a long time).. And likewise, some diabetics don't live as long as 14 years after being diagnosed. That's why it's called "average". 

I had initially thought about posting something similar to this original post six months ago after seeing how few fat folks there were in their 80's and 90's but I decided few here could handle the topic. But when I saw the picture of Madonna on the day I posted, I found it emotionally jarring and I really wanted a dialog with other FAs. Knowing that Madonna had worked so hard to carefully sculpt her body and her very public lifestyle, I felt it was appropriate to reference her image. And while I'd like to think I'll be enjoying a conjugal relationship as an octogenarian, I'm just hoping to enjoy the warm embrace of a loving mate who's at least a BBW. (And most preferably that will be my current wife who I am fully committed to in every way possible.) 

It's interesting to me how several people's prejudices were revealed in their comments. I was accused of being uncaring, a feeder, and other personality types that several respondants obviously harbor personal hatered. I'm just used to dealing in abstractions, even ones that may lead to a future reality.

Some of the more vitriolic posts lambasting me for using the link to the Madonna pic make me suspect there are some here who wish they could look like Madonna and can't handle having their own dream used as a negative example. If that's not the case and your perspective is to only use positive examples, I see that as a beige form of communications. I prefer the full spectrum of examples; positive, negative, and everything in between. It brings balance to the discussion.
 
The entire premise of my original topic may be a moot point since I'm overheight and may not live to be 95 like my grandfather


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 3, 2007)

You have to understand that thin women post here too. When you post a picture of a thin woman and say, "Eeew! Icky," it is just as hurtful as a man who posts a picture of Camryn Manheim and says they hope they never get stuck with a wretched horror beast like her. Have some compassion, nobody likes to be shat upon. 



HereticFA said:


> As a few people have correctly surmised, this was the result of a little scenario forcasting. Since I've been involved in planning on how to handle disasters that might happen to thousands of people, this was my personal version. It is just something to pass the time, like some people play "soduku". I'm not sitting around waiting for death for my wife or myself. On the contrary, we enjoy fairly active lifestyles (as active as people who have fairly sedentary hobbies and careers can be). She goes to the gym two to three times a week and I lift weights and walk the stairs at work. But she has trouble with her BG and will probably "graduate" to insulin in the near future. It's that pesky stat about the average lifespan of diabetics being about 14 years after they are first diagnosed that concerns me Certainly, some live much longer (and I'm sure several will chime in to provide anecdotal information of some diabetic relative of theirs that lived a long time).. And likewise, some diabetics don't live as long as 14 years after being diagnosed. That's why it's called "average".
> 
> I had initially thought about posting something similar to this original post six months ago after seeing how few fat folks there were in their 80's and 90's but I decided few here could handle the topic. But when I saw the picture of Madonna on the day I posted, I found it emotionally jarring and I really wanted a dialog with other FAs. Knowing that Madonna had worked so hard to carefully sculpt her body and her very public lifestyle, I felt it was appropriate to reference her image. And while I'd like to think I'll be enjoying a conjugal relationship as an octogenarian, I'm just hoping to enjoy the warm embrace of a loving mate who's at least a BBW. (And most preferably that will be my current wife who I am fully committed to in every way possible.)
> 
> ...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 3, 2007)

You know.....Heretic's post didn't seem "that bad" to me... but then again maybe I am a bit de-sensitized. After all, I saw my ex-father-in-law ask his wife (aka ex-husband's stepmother- his father's third wife) to help him find a new wife before she finally succumbed to her cancer and died....
Oh yeah, he asked me if he could come and live with us and I "take care of him" in the event that they couldn't find him another wife. Gee, it was a very hard decision.... but I promptly said no. 


***I see why so many took offense to what Heretic said but, to me, he seemed to be saying that he is fearful of the time his wife dies......as in he dreads it.


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 3, 2007)

I agree. I fear the day my parents will die. I even have a list written out in advance of what to do and who to call for when that day comes. I worry that my mind will be so overwrought that I may need to actually see a list that tells me exactly what to do step by step. "Stay calm" is actually written three times on it. Doesn't mean I'm waiting for my 'rents to kick off or rubbing my hands together in anticipation. Just facing the reality that my parents are elderly and they WILL die someday unscheduled and unrehearsed. The emotional support they offer will have to come from someplace else, possibly from within but am I cruel for considering these things and realizing the pivotally important place my mom and dad take in my life? At least I don't think so. 




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You know.....Heretic's post didn't seem "that bad" to me... but then again maybe I am a bit de-sensitized. After all, I saw my ex-father-in-law ask his wife (aka ex-husband's stepmother- his father's third wife) to help him find a new wife before she finally succumbed to her cancer and died....
> Oh yeah, he asked me if he could come and live with us and I "take care of him" in the event that they couldn't find him another wife. Gee, it was a very hard decision.... but I promptly said no.
> 
> 
> ***I see why so many took offense to what Heretic said but, to me, he seemed to be saying that he is fearful of the time his wife dies......as in he dreads it.


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## HereticFA (Jul 6, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> You have to understand that thin women post here too. When you post a picture of a thin woman and say, "Eeew! Icky," it is just as hurtful as a man who posts a picture of Camryn Manheim and says they hope they never get stuck with a wretched horror beast like her. Have some compassion, nobody likes to be shat upon.


It's interesting that you consider the posting of and commentary on an extremely thin woman in a fat acceptance forum an issue you identify with sufficiently to be hurt. That's a lot of transference on your part. I would expect our thin allies to realize some of us are not comfortable with a thin mate in a personal, intimate relationship. That's the basis for being an FA.

If I saw negative comments about Camryn Manheim in a fat acceptance or general public forum, I'd spring to her defense. If the comments were in a pro-anna or bodybuilding forum, I'd pass. Sometimes you have to consider the audience as well as the speaker. My mistake is forgetting the dilution from fat acceptance to "size acceptance".


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 6, 2007)

HereticFA said:


> It's interesting that you consider the posting of and commentary on an extremely thin woman in a fat acceptance forum an issue you identify with sufficiently to be hurt. That's a lot of transference on your part.
> 
> If I saw negative comments about Camryn Manheim in a fat acceptance or general public forum, I'd spring to her defense. If the comments were in a pro-anna or bodybuilding forum, I'd pass. Sometimes you have to consider the audience as well as the speaker. My mistake is forgetting the dilution from fat acceptance to "size acceptance".



Your mistake was moving from fat OR size acceptance to making derogatory comments about a woman with a shape that you just don't happen to find appealing. You seem to miss the difference between posting pictures of women you find appealing and expecting others to share your admiration and posting pictures of women you don't find appealing (with a side commentary on how gross you find thin or average sized women) and expecting others to jump on the bandwagon. You can admire fat chicks without degrading thin or average ones.

And somewhat tangentially, there have been several comments recently just like this one, that guys get annoyed when they say things like "average sized women are unappealing" or "how can I convince my girlfriend to gain weight even though she doesn't want to" and get flamed for it. Again, you can and should express your admiration for BBWs or SSBBWs, but you need to understand that women of all sizes are not going to be too thrilled with comments that put down other women. Sometimes I think men just don't get it. Do you understand that it's degrading and frustrating when we see tabloids sensationalize either Kirstie Alley or Nicole Richie? Oprah or Kate Bosworth? Can you think of one single MALE actor whose size gets that much attention?

Admiration is great, but maybe you should think of how all women receive it when you dilute your admiration with criticism.


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## Emma (Jul 6, 2007)

Hang on, the average lifespan of a diabetic is 14 years after they get it? Is that right??


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## HereticFA (Jul 6, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> Admiration is great, but maybe you should think of how all women receive it when you dilute your admiration with criticism.


You can carry the banner for all women, I'll carry the banner for fat acceptance.


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 6, 2007)

Unfortunatlely HereticFA, Fat Acceptance is not in the same ballpark as pro ana. There are no outward living gleefully obese people on a pro ana site that claim to be admirers of anorexics. if there were an anorexic forum where admiration of extremely thin people is the theme song I doubt they would go out of their way to put down anyone who isn't an anorexic via a picture of Tom Cruise, but that isn't what a pro ana site is about. You want to put down skinny people then set up a forum called "Pro Fat" and bash away. 

What I find interesting HereticFA is that you expect the thin people on this board to smile dutifully while you smugly bluster on about your personal comfort at their expense and then try to pass your bullying off as being on par with fat acceptance. The only person you are fooling is yourself. Your attitude does more damage to fat acceptance than a legion of fat haters with the false concept that their body type is proof that they are better at living their lives than a fat person or that they are somehow enlightened because they have a preference for X instead of Y. The idea that denouncing thin people through the aging process is pro fat acceptance is laughable. 




HereticFA said:


> It's interesting that you consider the posting of and commentary on an extremely thin woman in a fat acceptance forum an issue you identify with sufficiently to be hurt. That's a lot of transference on your part. I would expect our thin allies to realize some of us are not comfortable with a thin mate in a personal, intimate relationship. That's the basis for being an FA.
> 
> If I saw negative comments about Camryn Manheim in a fat acceptance or general public forum, I'd spring to her defense. If the comments were in a pro-anna or bodybuilding forum, I'd pass. Sometimes you have to consider the audience as well as the speaker. My mistake is forgetting the dilution from fat acceptance to "size acceptance".


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jul 6, 2007)

HereticFA said:


> You can carry the banner for all women, I'll carry the banner for fat acceptance.



Beg your pardon, but what the fuck does saying how disgusting thin women are have to do with assuring fat people get the level of service, compassion, and accomodation they need and deserve?


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 6, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Beg your pardon, but what the fuck does saying how disgusting thin women are have to do with assuring fat people get the level of service, compassion, and accomodation they need and deserve?



No really. Zip Zilch Nada. Nothing.

And HereticFA, I'm not so much carrying the banner for all women as trying to explain to you why we are offended by posts that demean women's bodies and appearences. If it were just small or average size women who were offended by these sorts of posts, you might have an argument. But note that women of all sizes are uncomfortable with denigrating a person via "Look at her, her size is gross. I would never be attracted to somebody like that." Do you understand that the tiniest of women and the most Super Sized of SSBBWs are going to react negatively towards that. Can you see how it is actually harmful to fat acceptance to make it acceptable to put people down because of how they look?


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 6, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> No really. Zip Zilch Nada. Nothing.
> 
> And HereticFA, I'm not so much carrying the banner for all women as trying to explain to you why we are offended by posts that demean women's bodies and appearences. If it were just small or average size women who were offended by these sorts of posts, you might have an argument. But note that women of all sizes are uncomfortable with denigrating a person via "Look at her, her size is gross. I would never be attracted to somebody like that." Do you understand that the tiniest of women and the most Super Sized of SSBBWs are going to react negatively towards that. Can you see how it is actually harmful to fat acceptance to make it acceptable to put people down because of how they look?



Come on LoveBHMS, don't you know the rules? It says that if you are a marginalized class your are free to marginalize others without consequence or accountablility. Because he's a victim he hits you with the club, you hit him back, then he hits you again and so on and so on. This is life changing life affirming high impact progressive work fat acceptance is, not to be confused with size acceptance of course. Wouldn't want to water it down now.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 6, 2007)

CurvyEm said:


> Hang on, the average lifespan of a diabetic is 14 years after they get it? Is that right??



My ex-husband has had juvenile onset diabetes/Type I since the age of 12- the worst kind to acquire. He is 41 years old. 
Advances in the medical field has helped to expand life spans and how well they control it determines not only length of life, but also quality of life.


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## mossystate (Jul 6, 2007)

Heretic, you say you would 'spring to the defense' of a fat person being bashed on a 'fat forum', but not if said bashing was happening on another type of forum...why not? Is your world so narrow that basic decency is to be sprinkled here...there...but not over yonder?

Nobody is saying you have to carry banners for all...no person can do that. I guess I do not get how running into the ground women you do not find physically attractive, makes you qualified to carry even a square inch of nylon for 'fat acceptance'. 

Seeing too many male FA's out here who think, that as long as they like fat chicks, whatever they say should be met with eyelash batting and/or silence...well, Heretic, you can now chuckle over how many silly and overly emotional chicks there are out here ( fat AND thin )..teehee..but...what you are saying is ugly.


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## imfree (Jul 6, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> My ex-husband has had juvenile onset diabetes/Type I since the age of 12- the worst kind to acquire. He is 41 years old.
> Advances in the medical field has helped to expand life spans and how well they control it determines not only length of life, but also quality of life.



I'll back you up with a hearty AMEN, on that,GEF! GOD, Dr TJ, and 
U-500 Insulin are giving me victory over the ravages of diabetes. TJ 
told me "GOD will give you the power to control your diabetes!", but 
she hedged her bet by turning me on to the high-powered Insulin. 
Bless her heart, though, that stuff REALLY works! YeeeeeeeHaw!!!!


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## Waxwing (Jul 6, 2007)

HereticFA said:


> You can carry the banner for all women, I'll carry the banner for fat acceptance.


 
Nobody wants you for either, so please don't bother. If we weren't all interested in fat acceptance we wouldn't be here. But I think I missed the day of the seminar when we learned that "fat acceptance" is inextricably linked to puerile comments about how much we hate them skinnies! 

You also, hilariously, didn't really read a single thing that anyone posted here. All you heard was a mysterious voice saying that you have to champion thin women. But nobody said that. 

The point was that you took a moment out of your clusterfuck of a post to, for no reason whatsoever, mock someone who doesn't happen to fit your idea of attractive. 

Because you're worried about being lonely if your partner dies before you. Or at least I think that was your point. And that, if you scrape off the thick layer of shit you used to garnish it, is valid. You were phenomenally successful at framing it in the least sympathetic, most offensive, most vomit-inducing way possible. So don't waltz in here a week later and try to say that we just don't understand how you're such a tights-wearing hero of size acceptance. It stopped being about that after about the 3rd syllable of your post. 

The objection was that you speak of your partner like she's just a hole you want to replace with a similar model, and you talk about women of different sizes the way the worst kind of knuckle-dragging frat boy talks about tits.


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## Russell Williams (Jul 6, 2007)

HereticFA said:


> I've occasionally considered my future as an FA who also tends to come from a somewhat long lived bloodline. (Not 'Lazarus Long' style 'long lived', just living to the mid 90's.)
> 
> 
> 
> I'm curious if any other FAs have thought about this and what your thoughts were? While I've decided I'd keep looking (probably expanding my horizons to those younger than me), I realize I'd possibly have to accept going it alone. (I apologize for such a morbid topic but I'm the engineering type and I like to do a little 'monte carlo analysis' with real life issues. And if you've never considered this, I apologize for infecting you with this meme.)



Cheer up, maybe you will die first.

(I have several thoughts about how such an outcome might occur in the near future but I shall refrain from expressing them)

Russell Williams


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