# Social Phobia/Anxiety



## largenlovely (Dec 2, 2012)

Where to begin..

When I was a teenager, I was very social. I had lots of friends and was a complete social butterfly. After my brother died when I was 18, I began to withdraw. It was in combination with other traumas as well but I think that was the one that began pushing me over the edge. It was gradual though..over a period of years.

I eventually came to a place where I had somewhat agoraphobic tendencies. I have battled them as much as possible. Being that I have isolated myself so much, I've developed social anxiety and feel like I've lost a lot of social skills. I have a fear of interacting with people, scared of doing or saying something wrong, and then it's almost as if it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I will find myself doing something unintentionally that sabotages relationships. It's not intentional. It's actually me trying to avoid sabotaging it that causes me to sabotage it. If that makes any sense. Then it will turn into a period of self loathing. I will cry out of pure frustration. Then, repeat the process all over again.

The last week has just been one series of horrible events after another. I can see it happening and yet it just seems to spiral out of control. Does anyone else understand this?


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## Dr. Feelgood (Dec 2, 2012)

Yes, indeed. No relationship is 100% positive; there's always an element of anxiety, even in old friendships. It's more pronounced with people you haven't known for long, because you're less sure how they might react to what you say or do. And sometimes the anxiety and tension builds to the point where you have to do _something_ -- even if it's the wrong thing -- just to end the unbearable suspense. I think everyone's got a little bit of this in them, but it's worse in people who are empathetic and more aware of others' feelings ... like you. I've been there. Wish I could help you somehow, but all I have to offer is a virtual hug, for what it's worth.


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## largenlovely (Dec 2, 2012)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> Yes, indeed. No relationship is 100% positive; there's always an element of anxiety, even in old friendships. It's more pronounced with people you haven't known for long, because you're less sure how they might react to what you say or do. And sometimes the anxiety and tension builds to the point where you have to do something -- even if it's the wrong thing -- just to end the unbearable suspense. I think everyone's got a little bit of this in them, but it's worse in people who are empathetic and more aware of others' feelings ... like you. I've been there. Wish I could help you somehow, but all I have to offer is a virtual hug, for what it's worth.



I actually think mine is more that I panic and can't think straight and then do the wrong thing on impulse. 

It's horrible though. It winds up making me feel so misunderstood and frustrated because it's my own fault but I don't know how to fix it. After a week like I've dealt with, I'm left feeling broken and toxic. So then I automatically want to withdraw again.

I appreciate the hugs  and the understanding. It seems like such a bizarre way of reacting to a situation that you wonder if you're the only person in the world who acts in such a dysfunctional way.


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## Paul (Dec 2, 2012)

I'm sorry that this past week did not go particular well. I believe many people have to a greater or lesser degree some form of social phobia. From what you describe your level of anxiety in social situations has affected your relationships with people. Because it is affecting your relationships with people you might want to consider looking for a professional help to overcome/ or cope with this anxiety. You stated that this social anxiety began about the time your brother died. Getting over the phobia may involved issues arising from your brother's death requiring a psychologist in order to be able to deal with these issues.

Please consider some professional help. You do not need to suffer, You can learn how to handle social situations with the help of a professional. 

Big hugs.


largenlovely said:


> I actually think mine is more that I panic and can't think straight and then do the wrong thing on impulse.
> 
> It's horrible though. It winds up making me feel so misunderstood and frustrated because it's my own fault but I don't know how to fix it. After a week like I've dealt with, I'm left feeling broken and toxic. So then I automatically want to withdraw again.
> 
> I appreciate the hugs  and the understanding. It seems like such a bizarre way of reacting to a situation that you wonder if you're the only person in the world who acts in such a dysfunctional way.


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## largenlovely (Dec 2, 2012)

It has been going on a long time. I've just kinda ignored it and had some weird mixture of denial and acceptance. 

I've been to therapists before...not about that particular issue really but concerning other things that have contributed to this issue. I may go back...maybe after the holidays.




Paul said:


> From what you describe your level of anxiety in social situations has affected your relationships with people.
> 
> Please consider some professional help. You do not need to suffer, You can learn how to handle social situations with the help of a professional.
> 
> Big hugs.


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## largenlovely (Dec 2, 2012)

And yeah, talking to a therapist is important and all but it's important to hear that other people have a similar experience to your own sometimes. So you don't feel fucked up all by your lonesome.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 2, 2012)

I totally get you. If you ever want to talk about it, you know where to find me.


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## largenlovely (Dec 2, 2012)

CastingPearls said:


> I totally get you. If you ever want to talk about it, you know where to find me.



U have facebook mail  and ty Elaine...the feeling of aloneness concerning this is what is really getting to me right now. I don't think I've fully come to terms with the gravity of it until all that has happened this week.

Eta: I think I've just kinda known it was an issue but never pondered on it enough to fully accept it and try to deal with it...until this week.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 2, 2012)

largenlovely said:


> U have facebook mail  and ty Elaine...the feeling of aloneness concerning this is what is really getting to me right now. I don't think I've fully come to terms with the gravity of it until all that has happened this week.
> 
> Eta: I think I've just kinda known it was an issue but never pondered on it enough to fully accept it and try to deal with it...until this week.


I forgot to mention that there were four deaths in my immediate family in quick succession and that it had a lot to do with mine as well. My mother, godmother, brother and sister. And my cat Peachy, most of this while I was very sick, so it was horrible. I get it. I do.


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## largenlovely (Dec 2, 2012)

CastingPearls said:


> I forgot to mention that there were four deaths in my immediate family in quick succession and that it had a lot to do with mine as well. My mother, godmother, brother and sister. And my cat Peachy, most of this while I was very sick, so it was horrible. I get it. I do.



God yeah, that would be almost too much to bear. My brother's death was very high profile here in my area. 3 other boys also died in the accident. There was a lawsuit because the boy driving (well, all of them) had been drinking alcohol so all the families sued the gas station. I was a Sr in high school and when I went back to school, everybody just stared at me a lot and would whisper to each other. Even people who had always been friends with me. My best friend said it was because nobody knew what to say to me. I wasn't allowed to talk about any details because of the pending lawsuit. So I just wound up withdrawing into myself. I don't think I had any other option but to do that really...and it has been that way ever since.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 2, 2012)

largenlovely said:


> God yeah, that would be almost too much to bear. My brother's death was very high profile here in my area. 3 other boys also died in the accident. There was a lawsuit because the boy driving (well, all of them) had been drinking alcohol so all the families sued the gas station. I was a Sr in high school and when I went back to school, everybody just stared at me a lot and would whisper to each other. Even people who had always been friends with me. My best friend said it was because nobody knew what to say to me. I wasn't allowed to talk about any details because of the pending lawsuit. So I just wound up withdrawing into myself. I don't think I had any other option but to do that really...and it has been that way ever since.


I read you loud and clear. We'll talk more privately.


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## Jah (Dec 2, 2012)

I have social anxiety. I have it so bad that I can't even make friends online anymore. So I understand how you feel. Especially about the loss of social skills and offending people and worrying about offending people. It's all a vicious cycle.
As far as treatment goes, from what I've noticed there isn't really much at all. I see a psychiatrist and it doesn't help one bit. So there isn't really much hope for getting rid of social anxiety once it takes hold. It is very hard to get rid of.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 2, 2012)

Jah said:


> I have social anxiety. I have it so bad that I can't even make friends online anymore. So I understand how you feel. Especially about the loss of social skills and offending people and worrying about offending people. It's all a vicious cycle.
> As far as treatment goes, from what I've noticed there isn't really much at all. I see a psychiatrist and it doesn't help one bit. So there isn't really much hope for getting rid of social anxiety once it takes hold. It is very hard to get rid of.


Jah, try Google'ing EMDR therapy. There are many people benefiting from it.


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## largenlovely (Dec 2, 2012)

Jah said:


> I have social anxiety. I have it so bad that I can't even make friends online anymore. So I understand how you feel. Especially about the loss of social skills and offending people and worrying about offending people. It's all a vicious cycle.



It's that bad for me too..and with social media, it's exacerbating the problem. Online is the main way I have been social for yeeears. All my friends I grew up with and have made online are on facebook and I'm either super annoyingly social or I'm withdrawn. It's back and forth. Then, when I'm social a lot, I start thinking of all the things I've said that have likely been misconstrued and who I probably offended and why it's more likely that people are laughing *at* me rather than with me...then I try to convince myself that I don't give a shit (and I do give a shit) and then I wind up withdrawing completely. It's confusing and exhausting. I'm exhausted.


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## Jah (Dec 2, 2012)

CastingPearls said:


> Jah, try Google'ing EMDR therapy. There are many people benefiting from it.


I'll have to look into it. Thanks.



largenlovely said:


> It's that bad for me too..and with social media, it's exacerbating the problem. Online is the main way I have been social for yeeears. All my friends I grew up with and have made online are on facebook and I'm either super annoyingly social or I'm withdrawn. It's back and forth. Then, when I'm social a lot, I start thinking of all the things I've said that have likely been misconstrued and who I probably offended and why it's more likely that people are laughing *at* me rather than with me...then I try to convince myself that I don't give a shit (and I do give a shit) and then I wind up withdrawing completely. It's confusing and exhausting. I'm exhausted.


I've had similar experiences. I can go from social to withdrawn very quickly and end up confusing them, at least I think I end up confusing them. I spend ages worrying about things I said and ways I could have said it better and how I possibly offended them.


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## largenlovely (Dec 2, 2012)

Jah said:


> I've had similar experiences. I can go from social to withdrawn very quickly and end up confusing them, at least I think I end up confusing them. I spend ages worrying about things I said and ways I could have said it better and how I possibly offended them.



It will bother me so bad, I will go back and try to fix it and wind up either making it worse or making it akward. It sucks *sigh*

I think I'm gonna call about seeing someone tomorrow.


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## HottiMegan (Dec 3, 2012)

I have always had social anxiety. It takes me a long time IRL to warm up to people. I always wonder if they think i'm a snob or something because I don't say much in social situations. I have near anxiety attacks when I know i have to meet people that hubs works with. We hosted a house warming party and like 20 people from his work showed. It was so hard that i didn't sleep well for weeks leading up to it. I am a wallflower, wanting to blend into the background. If i could just stay at home all the time, I would. But having a family dictates shopping and karate nights..

Since leaving where i grew up, i have made a total of 3 friends. (that's in like 16 years) Two were through hubs and one was through Max. I have no real life friends right now because those three friends have moved elsewhere. 

I think instead of me reacting badly, like you described, i am just uber quiet. It is so hard. It's so lonely too. I have always been the shy, super sensitive type. Social anxiety coupled with frequent bouts of depression makes for a real fun person to be around. I don't even feel comfortable when my own family visits and i love them to pieces!

Nothing particularly traumatic has happened to me in my life. I think it's just built into my nature. I've done therapy.. didn't feel right. It was weird. I'm going to try it again after the first of the year when our insurance changes and it's cheaper to get medical care.


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## largenlovely (Dec 3, 2012)

I will go between being pretty outgoing to totally withdrawn. So I can understand the wallflower mentality Megan...and we deal with depression in our family too. I just got all kinds of lucky from our gene pool lol

I've been in therapy on and off for years since I was a teenager. It has helped me in some instances but like Jah was saying, I looked it up a little more and most of what I read doesn't sound hopeful for this junk. I dunno... I called today and they set me up with an appointment with a therapist on Friday morning so I'm gonna give it another try. Maybe it will be more productive now that I'm more aware of what I'm dealing with. I hope....I guess it won't hurt.


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## MRdobolina (Dec 3, 2012)

i think i have this too .. never really thought much about it.. but its not all the time every now and then it would hit me and id be pretty much a social wreck .. but most of the times im ok socially

tried the dgaf approach and work through it.. but some days are harder than others


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## largenlovely (Dec 4, 2012)

MRdobolina said:


> i think i have this too .. never really thought much about it.. but its not all the time every now and then it would hit me and id be pretty much a social wreck .. but most of the times im ok socially
> 
> tried the dgaf approach and work through it.. but some days are harder than others



Not trying to jinx ya but there was a time when mine wasn't so bad. Hell, non-existant even.

I would say try to watch out for it getting worse but that might make it worse lol


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## largenlovely (Dec 4, 2012)

Me and my sister had a discussion about this yesterday. She's 9 yrs younger than me and exhibits small signs of this. I've coupled it with an avoidant personality, which I think naturally goes along with it. Hers is not as bad as mine but I've got almost a decade on her. 

So I'm wondering if it's gene related or learned. Or both lol


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## Sweetie (Dec 5, 2012)

largenlovely said:


> It's that bad for me too..and with social media, it's exacerbating the problem. Online is the main way I have been social for yeeears. All my friends I grew up with and have made online are on facebook and I'm either super annoyingly social or I'm withdrawn. It's back and forth. Then, when I'm social a lot, I start thinking of all the things I've said that have likely been misconstrued and who I probably offended and why it's more likely that people are laughing *at* me rather than with me...then I try to convince myself that I don't give a shit (and I do give a shit) and then I wind up withdrawing completely. It's confusing and exhausting. I'm exhausted.



You sound just like me. These are the same kinds of thoughts and worries I have. Even here on DIMS, where I feel the most comfortable, there are periods of months where I find myself lurking and afraid to interact for fear I'll say the wrong thing or something I'll regret. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.


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## largenlovely (Dec 5, 2012)

Sweetie said:


> You sound just like me. These are the same kinds of thoughts and worries I have. Even here on DIMS, where I feel the most comfortable, there are periods of months where I find myself lurking and afraid to interact for fear I'll say the wrong thing or something I'll regret. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.



I'm sorry that all y'all deal with similar probs but it's honestly making me feel better. Misery loves company? Lol. Really though, it makes me feel at least a little less freakish. Sometimes you get so caught up in and lost in your own head that you feel like there can't be anyone else out there that is feeling the same way. 

When I posted this, I wasn't looking for answers on how to fix it. I was just looking for people who understood. So I really appreciate y'all responding and as you said Sweetie, making me feel a little less alone.


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## Webmaster (Dec 11, 2012)

largenlovely said:


> .... I have a fear of interacting with people, scared of doing or saying something wrong, and then it's almost as if it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy....



I definitely understand that. I am in this weird position where I feel this way myself, yet have to interact with people a lot, and at times with large numbers of people. 

I hate business events or cocktail parties because the first ten minutes or so I am terrified, my hands get clammy, I hope no one approaches me to shake my cold, clammy hand, and I just wish I could leave.

I abhor doing presentations. I can pontificate to small groups forever on very complex topics, but making a formal presentation to an audience terrifies me and I am convinced I'd lose it and draw a complete blank unless I have a word-by-word script. Yet, I've had to do major presentations here and abroad, each time agonizing over it for weeks.

I almost always end up running things when I really don't want to. I can be very charming and usually enjoy social situations if I absolutely have to go, or someone drags me there. But it all comes at a great cost to me.

I don't understand any of this. I wish I'd enjoy and look forward to people interaction, but I don't. Never have. I can usually muddle through and rarely screw up totally, but I could absolutely live without the agony, the clammy hands, the stomach cramps. I know I am usually okay after the first five or ten minutes, but those minutes are awful.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Dec 11, 2012)

My sympathies go out to every one of you who has to deal with this. A woman named Susan Cain, who is a fellow sufferer, has written a book called _Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking_. She has interviewed many people who become anxious -- or even physically ill -- in social situations. I found it enlightening and insightful; at the very least it will convince you that you are not alone.


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## largenlovely (Dec 12, 2012)

Webmaster said:


> I abhor doing presentations. I can pontificate to small groups forever on very complex topics, but making a formal presentation to an audience terrifies me and I am convinced I'd lose it and draw a complete blank unless I have a word-by-word script. Yet, I've had to do major presentations here and abroad, each time agonizing over it for weeks.
> 
> I don't understand any of this. I wish I'd enjoy and look forward to people interaction, but I don't. Never have. I can usually muddle through and rarely screw up totally, but I could absolutely live without the agony, the clammy hands, the stomach cramps. I know I am usually okay after the first five or ten minutes, but those minutes are awful.



Totally understand. I couldn't finish my music degree because I would have a panic attack and black out on the stage. Totally debilitating and horrifying

I don't enjoy them either  and will get physically ill too. I spend so much time alone that it's making it worse. It's a vicious ugly cycle


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## largenlovely (Dec 12, 2012)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> My sympathies go out to every one of you who has to deal with this. A woman named Susan Cain, who is a fellow sufferer, has written a book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. She has interviewed many people who become anxious -- or even physically ill -- in social situations. I found it enlightening and insightful; at the very least it will convince you that you are not alone.



I may have to check it out. I've found a couple anxiety forums and that has been helpful too.


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## bbwlibrarian (Dec 16, 2012)

Webmaster said:


> I abhor doing presentations. I can pontificate to small groups forever on very complex topics, but making a formal presentation to an audience terrifies me and I am convinced I'd lose it and draw a complete blank unless I have a word-by-word script. Yet, I've had to do major presentations here and abroad, each time agonizing over it for weeks.
> 
> I almost always end up running things when I really don't want to. I can be very charming and usually enjoy social situations if I absolutely have to go, or someone drags me there. But it all comes at a great cost to me.
> 
> I don't understand any of this. I wish I'd enjoy and look forward to people interaction, but I don't. Never have. I can usually muddle through and rarely screw up totally, but I could absolutely live without the agony, the clammy hands, the stomach cramps. I know I am usually okay after the first five or ten minutes, but those minutes are awful.



I've been disqualified from more than a few jobs because of my nervousness in business situations. It seems like my fellow academic librarian cohorts--normally a group of very reserved, introverted people--become absolute chatterboxes when they are interviewing someone. In my chosen profession, interviews last all day--not just a few hours. The endurance test, as it's jokingly called, is usually too long for me to "hack it."

On top of this, the "presentation" portion of the interview is usually in the middle of the day when I'm already dead tired from telling people (repeatedly) about my research interests, or why I'd be an awesome government documents librarian. I usually end up embarrassing myself within the first 10 minutes by taking one too many deep breaths, or stumbling over my words. I've finally gotten to the point where the remaining 50 minutes go swimmingly despite this.

Maybe I should become a public librarian? The interview is usually a little less rigorous.

Oddly enough, my current bread and butter relies on me presenting stuff constantly. It seems to be less nerve-wracking when I'm talking with students (I teach English part-time) than with fellow colleagues.


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## Wren (Aug 4, 2013)

I'm curious how things went with the therapy? I've had varying degrees of social phobia all through my life so I think I have an idea how you feel. I also have a very avoidant personality type. It's still hard for me to leave the house sometimes--if I look outside and see a neighbor I often wait until they leave before I step out my door, or I have to work up the courage to say hello to them before I open my door.

But believe it or not it's gotten significantly better. Other than a few hiccups like the avoiding neighbors thing, I've very much improved to the point that I can lead meetings at work and talk to high level executives without trembling. The type of therapy I went to was cognitive behavioral therapy. I like computers a lot, and that type of therapy seemed kind of like reprogramming your brain as if it is a computer (changing your automatic thoughts), so it was a good fit for me.

I'm still very much an introvert and still have avoidant tendencies, but I'm to the point where I can usually overcome them in a lot situations. Honestly, I didn't believe it was possible to overcome such a personality type and I was very skeptical when I began therapy, but there's definitely hope for people who want to change.


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## largenlovely (Aug 5, 2013)

Wren said:


> I'm curious how things went with the therapy? I've had varying degrees of social phobia all through my life so I think I have an idea how you feel. I also have a very avoidant personality type. It's still hard for me to leave the house sometimes--if I look outside and see a neighbor I often wait until they leave before I step out my door, or I have to work up the courage to say hello to them before I open my door.
> 
> But believe it or not it's gotten significantly better. Other than a few hiccups like the avoiding neighbors thing, I've very much improved to the point that I can lead meetings at work and talk to high level executives without trembling. The type of therapy I went to was cognitive behavioral therapy. I like computers a lot, and that type of therapy seemed kind of like reprogramming your brain as if it is a computer (changing your automatic thoughts), so it was a good fit for me.
> 
> I'm still very much an introvert and still have avoidant tendencies, but I'm to the point where I can usually overcome them in a lot situations. Honestly, I didn't believe it was possible to overcome such a personality type and I was very skeptical when I began therapy, but there's definitely hope for people who want to change.



Well, it has helped in some ways but there's still a lot more I need to work on. So far, they have helped me improve my relationships a LOT with the people who I'm around all the time. I've been better able to see my own faults that I bring to interpersonal relationships and how to recognize them and try to correct them and avoid that path instead of repeating the same mistakes over and over again. So my relationships with my family has improved dramatically. Like more than I ever thought we could manage, which is outstanding.

Me and my friends have never really had probs so I'm good there. 

As for general social skills and such with strangers *sigh* I'm still having problems buuuut I think it is improving some. I went to the movies last night with my best friend for her birthday. She invited some of her other friends and one of the girls I don't care for much. Instead of being shitty to her, I was polite but distant. I think that was reasonable behavior, which oddly enough used to be difficult for me to even manage that lol. I was always VERY obvious about the fact that I didn't like someone. 

My therapists say I have the "fear biting dog" reaction. I'm aggressive when I'm forced to be around strangers. I don't like being forced to feel aggressive, so I stay away from people and lock myself in my house. That's my problem in a nutshell. I've always preferred to date men who are aggressive because when I'm with them, they can take over that role for me and I don't feel forced to have to do it. Anyway, I can see improvement but it's slow going.

Last month, a woman walked by me when I was on the riding cart in walmart and nodded at me and said to her teenage children "that's pure dee fucking lazy right there". My reaction to that stuff is way over the top. I whipped my cart around and chased her all through

walmart screaming at her. I'm surprised they didn't get the security after me. But if she had turned around and gotten aggressive with me, I swear I would've beat her with a frozen chicken lol. THAT is the kind of behavior I am trying to fix and that's why I have developed some agorophobic/avoidant tendencies. Because if I go out in public, if I'm attacked, it could escalate to a point that I could wind up in jail. I don't want that.

ETA: as far as feeling like I'm saying or doing the wrong things in interactions with people though, that's getting better. I've been giving less of a fuck. I think that helps lol


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 5, 2013)

largenlovely said:


> I whipped my cart around and chased her all through
> walmart screaming at her. I'm surprised they didn't get the security after me. But if she had turned around and gotten aggressive with me, I swear I would've beat her with a frozen chicken lol.



Don't fix your behavior TOO much: there are people in this world who OUGHT to be beaten with a frozen chicken. :happy:


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## largenlovely (Aug 5, 2013)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> Don't fix your behavior TOO much: there are people in this world who OUGHT to be beaten with a frozen chicken. :happy:



Hahaha this lady was definitely one of them.


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## Wren (Aug 5, 2013)

LOL! I'd hate to waste a perfectly good chicken on a jerk like that.

I'm glad to hear things are getting better for you!


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## Jah (Aug 5, 2013)

lol about the frozen chicken!  I hope everything continues to go well for you.
I had a medication increase and it seemed to really help with my social anxiety. Now I occasionally talk to people on the phone and actually get in contact with my family, which I didn't do at all before.


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## largenlovely (Aug 6, 2013)

I grew up in a household where there were lots of physical altercations. My mom was very abusive. She beat me with a belt buckle to the face at 11 yrs old and it only got worse from there and continued until I was 24 yrs old. so fighting is my "go to" option. So I WILL beat a bitch with a frozen chicken hahahaha I'm one of those crazy bitches that will pick shit up and beat someone with it if someone tries to get physical with me but I'm used to having to do that in self defense.

The therapists are trying to teach me how to keep it from escalating to that point and help me realize that not everybody is out to physically harm me. It's just a lot of fear inside is what it is.

This is the first time I've ever stuck with therapy this long but this is also the first time where I actually feel like I'm really getting the help I need. So that's why it's working  I guess it was just the right timing for me, thank God. Cuz I'm tired of living this way.


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## largenlovely (Aug 6, 2013)

Jah said:


> lol about the frozen chicken!  I hope everything continues to go well for you.
> I had a medication increase and it seemed to really help with my social anxiety. Now I occasionally talk to people on the phone and actually get in contact with my family, which I didn't do at all before.



They doubled my dose on Lexapro and that seemed to do a world of wonders for me. I've found myself having the carefree attitude around people that I used to have when I was a teenager, which is nice  it's not always that way but it's happening more than it used to. So it's giving me hope  

I'm still bad about talking on the phone with my friends though. They've just become accustomed to texting me most of the time. The phone is such a hassle lol. One old gf from highschool and college has recently gotten back in touch with me on facebook and she's a phone person...I am trying to be tolerant of it but I'm also trying to "train" her to text me instead lol. Which sounds kinda manipulative but I don't want to run her off by flat out saying I don't want u to call me LOL.


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## spiritangel (Aug 6, 2013)

largenlovely have you done any mindlefulness or act therapy, both things have been really helpful for me as rather than traditional therapy the act gives you tools to help you when your feeling in that space.

Hugs its not easy somedays I struggle even in online groups to want to introduce myself.

Lots of hugs you have made the important step chosen to act and deal with and find ways through it. That in iteself is huge.


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## largenlovely (Aug 6, 2013)

spiritangel said:


> largenlovely have you done any mindlefulness or act therapy, both things have been really helpful for me as rather than traditional therapy the act gives you tools to help you when your feeling in that space.
> 
> Hugs its not easy somedays I struggle even in online groups to want to introduce myself.
> 
> Lots of hugs you have made the important step chosen to act and deal with and find ways through it. That in iteself is huge.



They have been teaching us mindfulness in our group class. I had an issue that caused me some fear and insecurity this weekend and I found myself going to some of the skills they have been teaching us in group. They've been trying to pump them into my head for months and this weekend was the first conscious attempt I went at using them. It was hard ...hard as hell lol, but I kept at it and it helped work me through it. I tried some mindfulness with it but the reassurance and soothing skills were what helped me the most. I also tried distracting myself. 

I think in some instances the mindfulness will help better than soothing skills. I think it's a matter of training myself in which skills to use in which set of circumstances instead of immediately responding on impulse. They said the reason we have this disorder (in this instance, I'm talking about borderline personality disorder) is because we were never taught these skills in our homes. So I'm like a kid having to learn this shit lol

I haven't ever heard of act therapy though. I will have to look that one up


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## largenlovely (Aug 6, 2013)

I just wanna add to the above post I made about my fighting junk. I've never once raised my hands to a boyfriend, friend or family member (other than my mother). Though none of them have ever raised their hands to me either. Well, except my sister once when she was going through a hot-headed phase lol and I just restrained her and pushed her out of the house and locked her out lol

I don't hurt people I love...but I know they won't hurt me either. That's how they gained my love in the first place. It's strangers that cause me the greatest fear and anxiety cuz I don't know what they're capable of so I always go to an extreme reaction in case they're an extreme person. I freak the fuck out lol


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