# How to impress a BBW - BBW only Please



## luscious_lulu (Jan 7, 2011)

What are your do's and don'ts for guys who are trying to impress you?

For me, speak to me in proper English. Save the slang for your guy friends. If you are sending me an email or pm use punctuation.

Treat me like a lady. I like having a door held open for me. I like someone who is thoughtful. That chair with the arms is not the best seating choice & if the patio has those horrible plastic chairs I don't want to sit out there.

Don't walk too fast. I'm fat and my centre of balance isn't so centre & the extra bulk makes it hard to keep up. 

Ok, I know you ladies have tons (pun intended) of input on this subject. (men feel free to learn)!


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## Dromond (Jan 7, 2011)

Subscribing.


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## Rasputin (Jan 7, 2011)

Listening intently.


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## cinnamitch (Jan 7, 2011)

Have the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation
Don't get too personal or touchy feeling upon meeting
If we aren't bumping uglies are at least swapping spit, do not call me honey or babe or sugar
Please take a bath and wear some clean clothes. 

Now if you are trying to impress me on the net
Don't ask me questions that could have been answered if you had taken the time to read my profile if you found me on a dating site.
Do not talk sex within the first few minutes of the conversation
If you IM me, please have the courtesy to talk to just me . I hate when you have 4 or 5 chat windows open and get me confused with whatever other chickie you are talking to. I give you that courtesy, do the same for me. 
Don't hit me up for more pics. Whatever pic i have up is the most recent and it represents me pretty well, so live with it until we talk more.


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## bmann0413 (Jan 8, 2011)

Psh, like I'm gonna listen to this. I'm out!







*intently peeking through the door*


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## spiritangel (Jan 8, 2011)

I like both answers so far

Treat me like a woman not a baby or little girl I am independent and not looking for a father figure or mother hen

Dont make our first conversations anthing about my size as that is a major turn off you can see from my pics what my rough size and shape is thats enough to go off

I agree dont talk sex in the first conversation its tack and I am going to be turned off by it

think of some interesting questions and conversation topic appart from the usual a?s?l? hobbies and interests ones even if they are quirky or silly you will win points for originality

Dont act like you want to date me only to turn around and say things like lets meet in my car and chat ie I dont want to be seen with you in public

I am sure I can think of oodles more but brain meltedwith the heat today


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## penguin (Jan 8, 2011)

For me? Know some lame jokes. I like them. I like a guy who can make me laugh, someone who's witty and sharp and knows how to use it. 

BBW related, let me know you like and appreciate my body without it feeling like you're there for a fetish fix. Appreciate the rest of me too.


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## luscious_lulu (Jan 8, 2011)

Great input ladies! I agree with everything so far.

I just want to make it clear, this isn't a man hating thread. It's meant to clear up some misconceptions and the mysteries of what women are looking for. If anyone has taken offence to my wording I am sorry.


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## Myn (Jan 8, 2011)

Find the line between admiring and creeping me right the hell out. Telling me I have a beautiful smile will make me blush but smile harder - and clue me in that you're flirting and not just talking. Telling me I'm sexy will straddle the line between making me feel flattered and making me feel pressured to be or do something I haven't asked for or agreed to. 

I'm shy. Part of it is inexperience, part of it in natural inclination, and part of it is having had to deal with boys who pretended interest just to make fun, and men who were all too sincere in their desire to get me naked with as few preliminaries as possible. The thing about the latter is, it makes me feel the exact opposite of sexy. 

And, thinking of the last few times I got hit on, you know what would be nice? If we've been having a conversation and you managed to look in my eyes at least as much as you looked at my boobs, you were either nice to my kid or expressed that my having a kid wasn't a problem for you, you know what the next step is? It's not "call me sometime" or "I'll text you later," it's "Do you have plans on _____? I'd like to take you to _____." Close the deal, dude. Either we're making plans or we're not.


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## Emma (Jan 8, 2011)

Just be yourself, if I don't get to know the real you and you change 6 months down the line then that will suck. If I don't like you at first we'll both move on


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## AmazingAmy (Jan 8, 2011)

I agree with everything said so far! This one isn't so first date orientated but I feel it counts (and I've had trouble with it a few times): when it comes to the bedroom stuff, consider that, with our size, not everything might be possible. Fat makes things bigger and thus harder to flex/get past, so if we hesitate at your request try and realise what the problem is without us having to explain. And when you do realise, make a game/joke out of it rather than act like you've just run into a brick wall.

I've had dudes get put off/frustrated with me because I can't go on top (there's simply too much on the thighs to get that low, boys) and it's plain old _humiliating_.


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## CarlaSixx (Jan 8, 2011)

Ifi you're not all that interested, don't ask for my email/number. And certainly don't say "I'll call you" if you're not interested. 

I know this is how guys act polite but a lot of women can't tell the difference betwee polite and true interest. 

Instead, if you're interested, just keep telling a woman how great a time you had together, and tell her you'd really like to see/speak with her again. If you end up not being interested, just thank her for her time and say it was nice to talk/meet. And leave it at that.


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## toni (Jan 9, 2011)

If you notice I am not interested, stop talking. PLEASE!

If you just met me and we are at a bar, club, restaurant...whatever. Always offer to pay. I probably won't take you up on the offer but at least make the gesture. 

If I accept a date with you. I am giving you some of my valuable time. Do not use it to discuss ex's, play on your phone or watch sports.

Always make sure I get home safe. Reminding me to text you when I get in the door means a lot and shows you care.


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## BBW4Chattery (Jan 9, 2011)

All of the above... Good answers ladies!

Especially ditto on the intelligent conversation and mannerly considerations!

A fella who checks on me from time to time is nice. One of my best guy friends sent me an email Friday that scolded me for being at work while I was sick and I felt warm fuzzy for being looked after in even that small way.

Laughter and sense of humor is also important. Smartassery is critical to the survival of any relationship (friendship or otherwise) in my life!


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## olwen (Jan 9, 2011)

The things that would impress me most are intelligence, open mindedness, a sense of adventure and most importantly, not being afraid to be with a fat chick. But, if he wants to really really impress me he'd get to know me and surprise me with some romantic gesture that would be meaningful to me.


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## Tania (Jan 9, 2011)

Whether she's fat or not, it's always a good idea to approach a woman (or anyone, in virtually any context) with respect and sensitivity. While every girl is an individual with different needs and inclinations, the same basic social methodology applies: care.


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## Lovelyone (Jan 9, 2011)

THIS!!! I will also add:
Do's
1. Do treat me like a lady. Opening a door or holding out an arm for this woman is a big turn-on.
2. Listen to me when i am talking, even if what I have to say isn't interesting to you. I give you that courtesy.
3. It's okay to be friends first. Its a good foundation to build onto.
4. Make that call to make sure they made it home safely if they traveled to meet you. Its just common courtesy. 

Dont's  
1. Do not compare me to another fat girl that you've previously been involved with--or tell me that you wish there were more fat girls like me where you live so that you can have more to choose from.
2. Do NOT answer a dating ad unless you really are looking for a date. Far too many times I get responses from men who ONLY want to chat up a fatty, or want spank fodder. This is such a waste of my precious time and nothing will infuriate me more. 
3. Do not assume that because i am fat...I am desperate, slovenly, or stupid. 
4. Don't lead someone on. Honestly, it's cruel and mean to hurt someone in such a way.



cinnamitch said:


> Have the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation
> Don't get too personal or touchy feeling upon meeting
> If we aren't bumping uglies are at least swapping spit, do not call me honey or babe or sugar
> Please take a bath and wear some clean clothes.
> ...


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## Ivy (Jan 9, 2011)

If all the close parking spots are taken, please offer to drop me off at the door and then park. Especially if it is raining or snowing or if they parking lot looks icy or slushy. It's really hard for a super sized girl to navigate on slippery pavement and falling when you're really big can be a total disaster. 

Please make sure wherever you're taking me has chairs that are comfortable for me. Don't take me to a tiny little restaurant that only seats 10-15 people at the busiest time possible. I won't fit well in the allotted space for our table and it will make me feel very self conscious and crowded. Also, please request a table instead of a booth. If we're put on the end of an aisle, let me sit on the inside so I'm not sticking out in the walkway and making it impossible for any waiters or other patrons to walk through. 

If you drive a really tiny car that I'm not going to fit comfortably in at all, don't be offended if I want to drive myself or pick you up in my fatty sized car instead.


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## thatgirl08 (Jan 9, 2011)

Treat me with the same amount of respect and pride you would if you were taking Megan Fox on a date.


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## Tau (Jan 9, 2011)

1.It's not an interview. I'm not interested in hearing about your every achievement from when you were 6 nor do I really want a complete run down of your financial assets. It's awesome that you can take care of yourself and a harem of women if you wanted to but I'd like to find out more about you and not the things you own.
2, No I'm not terribly impressed by your car. Please stop talking about it.
3. Don't talk about my body on the first date - at all.
4. Don't give me crap about how insecure and 'jealous' all the other women around me are. I'm neither stupid nor insecure - I don't need to be lied to about reality.
5. Be clean - make an effort because I always make an effort
6. PAY FOR THE FIRST DATE!!!! Specially if you talked my ear off bout how much money you have 
7. Do Not Lie. It pisses me off. Do Not Lie!!!!


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## BCBeccabae (Jan 10, 2011)

Over everything else, be genuine. 
There's nothing worse than words that hold no meaning behind them and actions that don't back them up.
Aside from that, don't treat me like a fetish.
Compliments are good, but if you want me to respect you, don't attempt to eat out my ego the first time we start talking.
Don't take everything I say seriously or get easily offended. Sarcasm is good. Humor is a desirable trait.
Actually make an attempt to get to know me on a level that's more intimate and personal then my vagina.
I am a human being, and I do have interests, opinions, concerns, feelings, etc.
Talk about yourself, but recognize that narcissism is not a cute trait.
Also, please accept the notion that if we 'meet' via the community, it's going to take awhile before I trust your motives. I'd prefer not to be strung along until desired goal is reached, and then dropped instantly.


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## EvilPrincess (Jan 10, 2011)

Putting my Moderator hat on for a moment: please keep this thread to BBWs only, and let's keep it positive. The BBW forum is a place to support each and this thread is a good opportunity.

Thanks! 
EP


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## Myn (Jan 10, 2011)

Another thing that impresses me is when a guy is willing/able to look at and accept different viewpoints. No characterizing people who disagree with you as deranged lunatics.

If we're talking about current events and he has an opinion that is neither Bill O'Reilly's nor Keith Olbermann's but shows that he thought for himself, that's enough to make my stomach burst with butterflies. Thinking for yourself is super hot. :wubu: 

Bonus points if he can admit he's wrong or doesn't know rather than try to bluff and bluster to seem smart.


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## CarlaSixx (Jan 10, 2011)

Make an effort to remember the little things, and bring them up once in awhile. :wubu: it lets us know you were paying attention, and if it's a tiny detail that we've forgotten, it'll be even that much more special.


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## Tau (Jan 10, 2011)

Also men who aren't afraid of being goofy, who aren't afraid of laughing at themselves. Men who are willing to vulnerable, who realise that its in the flaws that real beauty lies :wubu:. Men who are not sheep. No sheep need aply thanks!  Have passions, have convictions and stand by them dammit!


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## CastingPearls (Jan 10, 2011)

Have passion for what you do. You don't have to be a rocket scientist (although that's nice too) but tell me what thrills you in YOUR life. 

Speak. Don't let me carry or dominate the conversation and hey--you can jump in at anytime. If you make pained faces I'm going to assume you're uncomfortable which will make me uncomfortable. That doesn't mean there can't be pauses in conversation but you should know how to reasonably carry one.

I know what I look like. I have a mirror. It's nice to be told I'm beautiful and it's nice to have appreciative glances and meaningful eye-contact. It isn't nice to appear as if you're going to lunge across the table at me. It's frightening.

Show some class. If you're rude to anyone like waitstaff or service people who haven't horribly provoked you (and no, forgetting the cream for my coffee is not provocation) I won't speak to you again. I don't care if you had a bad day. Don't be an animal. 

I can't stress this one more: Please...be honest. If you're tired or don't feel well, or feel uncomfortable or we just don't click--tell me. Don't waste my valuable time. Or yours.

I do have a high opinion of myself. If you consider it arrogant then why are you even talking to me? If you're so insecure that you have to challenge everything I say, if you're so lacking in confidence, sorry..it's a complete turn-off.

"I was trying to impress you" is/was endearing. Being a little bit vulnerable is a huge turn-on. Pretension and bravado isn't.

Eye-contact is important to me. It's okay to glance at my breasts but there's a difference between leering and looking and you know it.

Please and thank you go a long long way. Manners do count and yes I am old-fashioned that I like the door held open for me but I'll hold it for you too! 

Some of the things listed upthread are not impressive to me but basic requirements. ALL are good and worth keeping in mind.

I do have very high standards because I'm worth it. If I'm still talking to you, maybe I think you are too.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 10, 2011)

I realize this should really more be a "basic requirement" than something impressive...but perhaps due to a string of less-than-awesome fellas, it has become something that does impress me when I find it in a man:

INTEGRITY.

-Your external words/actions are consistent with your internal values/thoughts/feelings, both toward me and in general. No frontin'.
-Your word is your bond. If you say you will call tomorrow, you call tomorrow. In other words, you're deeply trustworthy and stand by your commitments, no matter how small or insignificant they may be. You keep promises diligently.

There are lots of other things that attract me to a man, and things I need to feel connected - but this is one of those things that a lot of guys seem to lack these days, so it does impress me. Happily, there are a lot of men who have it too, and I am grateful to know quite a number of them.


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## luscious_lulu (Jan 10, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> It isn't nice to appear as if you're going to lunge across the table at me. It's frightening.



This is so true and funny! 


Ladies, I keep reading the posts and think yes! I love the feedback! :bow:


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## EvilPrincess (Jan 10, 2011)

Ivy said:


> If all the close parking spots are taken, please offer to drop me off at the door and then park. Especially if it is raining or snowing or if they parking lot looks icy or slushy. It's really hard for a super sized girl to navigate on slippery pavement and falling when you're really big can be a total disaster.
> 
> Please make sure wherever you're taking me has chairs that are comfortable for me. Don't take me to a tiny little restaurant that only seats 10-15 people at the busiest time possible. I won't fit well in the allotted space for our table and it will make me feel very self conscious and crowded. Also, please request a table instead of a booth. If we're put on the end of an aisle, let me sit on the inside so I'm not sticking out in the walkway and making it impossible for any waiters or other patrons to walk through.
> 
> If you drive a really tiny car that I'm not going to fit comfortably in at all, don't be offended if I want to drive myself or pick you up in my fatty sized car instead.


 
Said so very well. 

I would sum my requirements up as, please don't spring anything on me that I have said I would have problems doing. You don't know my abilities "better than I do", what I can or cannot do varies on a daily basis, let me decide please.


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## Bigtigmom (Jan 11, 2011)

I agree with most, if not all of what the ladies have mentioned so far. For me most important is honesty. I am a very open and honest woman and more often than not I am very bold. I don't appreciate my time being wasted on lies and lips service. My time is valuable as I'm sure you believe yours is also. Respect goes a long way with me. I am a firm believer in "Do unto others as you will have them do unto you". That's my 2 cents anyway!!

P.S. This is how I feel in all of the relationships in my life not just romantic ones.


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## gobettiepurple (Jan 14, 2011)

Please don't be douchey . . . there seems to be an epidemic of douchey-ness going on, and I have to say I don't care for it at all. Its started with k-fed and its ending right now! 

As a corollary, there is also an epidemic of hot-pants-whores going on, but that is for another time and place!


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## LalaCity (Jan 15, 2011)

Don't mention weight, please. You have no idea how comfortable a woman is with discussing her body when you first meet her, although your intentions may be good.

FAs often make the mistake of thinking that BBWs want their unique physiques pointed out and discussed by potential suitors when, in fact, many big girls just want to forget the topic of body image or shape for an evening, if possible. It can be hard to feel attractive and emotionally at ease when one is constantly reminded of being "other" and "different." (Even though BBWs are actually the norm these days, that's not how it usually feels out at the club.)

Stick with her eyes, smile, etc., if you feel the need to explain what draws you to her.


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## BBW MeganLynn44DD (Jan 15, 2011)

No need to mention weight,some of us are uncomfortable with it.As when I first met my husband.Also pick up the check and open doors for us.It is nice to know gentleman still exist.My husband still opens doors for me and even goes around and opens the car door!Also have a car big enough too make us feel comfortable.I'm not saying we need a mack truck but something roomy!


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 16, 2011)

This can be related to fat stuff, but it can really be related to anything:

Be willing to admit when you made a mistake and/or were wrong.

THAT is impressive. (and rare!)


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## Lovelyone (Jan 16, 2011)

I just love it when a man pays attention to what I am saying and responds accordingly. Meeting my eyes and giving a sheepish, "I hear what you are saying" smile when we are talking is a huge turn-on for me. 
Its also sweet to remember that under all this fat is a person. I have wonderful ideas, thoughts and a fantastic sense of humor. It doesn't take ONLY compliments about my body to keep me interested in you. Acknowledging something I said or adding to it will go a LONG way with me.

Basically if your treat me as a lady, you will be well received. I am old school and I adore it when a man holds open the door for me, holds my chair as I sit, guides me through a doorway the small of my back (not that anything on me is small, mind you), takes my hand to lead me somewhere...these are small gestures that show respect and interest. You don't have to be grabby-grabby to show me that you are interested. 

I also love when someone takes me on an unconventional date. Sometimes the same old, same ol' can be a little boring. My favorite date of all time was a picnic in a park. We didn't spend a lot of money but we had a nice lunch, got fresh air and sunshine, took a stroll around the pond, he brought a loaf of bread to feed to the ducks, we got to know one another in a public atmosphere, and walked away holding hands.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 16, 2011)

1. Be a gentleman- not too many of those left in the world so this will make you stand out. 

2. You get to know what I like sexually- after you give me a chance to decide whether or not I like you. So practice patience- I will talk to you again if you do. 

3. If you are in a bad spot in your life- such as unemployment or other such things- then why are you trying to date? Have your own life in order before you try to insert yourself into someone else's life.

4. I'm not looking for a savior- nor am I looking to save anyone. Carry your own weight/issues and you might be impressed to see how much I can carry. 

5. I like it if you tell me I'm pretty- I like it even more when I realize you are looking beyond how I look and are able to compliment something better. I want to be appreciated for who I am.....just as I will appreciate the person you are. 

6. For those I meet on the net: I don't owe you more pictures- I don't OWE you anything. Ask politely- and be able to reciprocate in kind with anything you ask of me.

7. Be honest- I'm not looking to waste your time- so don't waste mine either. 

8. I prefer adults- so act like one no matter what your age.

9. I'm easy to talk to and can easily start conversations but I'm not going to carry the whole conversation. If you're lazy in the beginning, then I know it only goes down hill from there.


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## superodalisque (Jan 23, 2011)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> 1. Be a gentleman- not too many of those left in the world so this will make you stand out.
> 
> 2. You get to know what I like sexually- after you give me a chance to decide whether or not I like you. So practice patience- I will talk to you again if you do.
> 
> ...



worth repeating several times over and over


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