# Can you tell...?



## nala (Jan 29, 2006)

Hi,

Hope everybody is doing great!
I was wondering....
Just picture this: As a (quite large) bhm, you're walking down a street, just going to do some grocery shopping or whatever... Then you can just feel someone's watching you and, as you turn your head, you can see that there's this girl looking at you with a somewhat glazed look in her eyes. When she sees you catching her eye, she smiles and then may or may not look away, but the thing I'm wondering about is what is the first thing you'd think when a girl watches you?

Would it come to mind that she may be watching you because she thinks you're attractive or would it be more likely at first for you to think she is watching you because of your size. 

I was just wondering about this 'cause many of the women on this board seem to have said that in every day life, big men do not seem to catch on when they are using flirtasious body language or even just tend to look away. As a bhm, can you, at first sight, tell if a woman thinks you're attractive just by the way she's looking at you?

And ladies, when you're looking at an attractive bhm that you'd just happen to see some where (and would like to get to know better) do you think it shows in you're eyes that you are watching him out of adoration, in stead of just because of his size. And how often are you able to get that a cross to him?


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## baron20 (Jan 29, 2006)

It has been my personal experiance that when a woman looks at me like that I feel like she is staring out of discust or oddity. After joining sites like this I do sometimes think to myself 'I wonder if shes an FA' but I usually laugh to myself and think ya right. For the mst part, I think you female FA's out there need to be a little more forward with your advances, most of us are very shy.


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## Andromeda (Jan 29, 2006)

I think this is the point where the man needs to take a chance, if he's interested.

But yeah, it could be basically one of three possibilities:
1. She's an FFA, and you look like dinner :smitten: 
2. She is shocked about your size (but she probably wouldn't smile at you, in that case).
3. She was just staring off, thinking, noticed you looking at her and perhaps was embarassed that she seemed to be staring directly at you (I've been guilty of this...).

And baron20: some of us ARE pretty forward, but the BHM just don't get it!!! Silly men. :doh:


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## baron20 (Jan 29, 2006)

Its hard to say what goes through the heads of fat men, but jusr remember from the time we were kids we grew up thinking fat was bad. For the longest time I thought that if I did ever find a woman that she would fall in love with my personality then just have to settle for my body. So a woman staring at my belly the jiggles when I walk was always the farthest thing from my mind. Maby the FA's out there should just give a man they like the addy to this site, we need to educate! LOL


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## extra_fat_guy (Jan 29, 2006)

I am sure I missed out on some potential dates because I didn't notice that a woman was flirting with me. But if she made it clear that she was interested in me I would go talk to her. I am usually so focused on what I am doing at the time to realize she might have been flirting with me. So i guess I need to pay more attention to whats going on around me. I have noticed women staring at me but I figured it was because she had never seen someone so fat before. Maybe I have been wrong about that all along.


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## gorddito (Jan 30, 2006)

i´m sorry i can share a more positive experience about this, but im pretty agree with baron and extra fat guy. i think, in deep, we (fat guys) are really willing to know and experience the feeling of being liked by someone, someone who would like us no matter how fat we are, with all the fats rolls and the big belly. i think everyfat boy had that dream (i have it) since we start to paid attention to the opposite sex. but at the moment when things really start to happends (there is a girl who is looking at me :shocked: ) we dont believe that could be true, we dont believe that could be posible. and we got nerveous, and selfconsciuss, and for my own experience i really dont know what to do when that happens (in the rare cases i belive that could be happend, notice that implied im not sure if someone could was being flirting with me or not). but all this, i guess, is becuase we fatties learnt to think that no one would like us being fat.

embarrest as it sound i still dont know when a girl is flirting with me, at fisrt i think yes "she is flirting with me" the next second i think "ho no im crazy and stupid" next im already nervous to try to do something, and then "but maybe she is" and finally i think "yeah right, she would be fliting with me".

so to all you lovelies FFA´s please please please have patience with us, we, fat guys, are more "slow" (even dumbers) at this that whatever you would call a "normal guy", and sometimes we need more than an obvius sign.


pd. sorry about the bad english, but this is a very sensitive issue for me, and its late, and i think the brain cell who know english isn´t working good.


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## cute_obese_girl (Jan 30, 2006)

As an FFA I'll tell you what gives me away. When I see a BHM I do look him up and down, can't help it. But then I wait till he sees me, look him straight in the eye, and give him my best smile. Its the looking straight in the eye that should be your hint. 

If a person is staring at someone simply in awe of their size, they usually avert there eyes and try to pretend they were busy doing something else when they get caught looking. Its childish and rude, but some people are like that.

So keep that in mind fellas. There are still a lot of girls who don't like to make the first move, including myself. Gather up the courage, use this tip, and go flirt with someone


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## Dibaby35 (Jan 30, 2006)

Yep it's all in the smile. Gotta watch the smile.


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## Karebehr (Jan 30, 2006)

I can also say that, as a life long BHM, and now SS one, I never has any idea that a lady could be flirting with me, and actually be attracted to me, and my size. I have thought all my life, no lady could be attracted to me, as this is not how society says a person should look, so I just chalked it up to them looking at an oddity. This is a hard mental thing to over come, so I have probably missed out on a few chances to meet a FA, who thought I was cute. 

As others have said here, ladies.....we require a little more patience, and may be a little more forwardness. It is a hard thing to overcome!

Well, there's my 2 cents, for what it's worth....lol

Take care all...Karebehr


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## missaf (Jan 30, 2006)

cute_obese_girl said:


> As an FFA I'll tell you what gives me away. When I see a BHM I do look him up and down, can't help it. But then I wait till he sees me, look him straight in the eye, and give him my best smile. Its the looking straight in the eye that should be your hint.



I could have written that


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## pattycake (Jan 30, 2006)

My problem is; I'm aware that if he sees me looking, he may think I'm looking in disgust (the last thing I want is to hurt anyone's feelings or embarrass anyone) so I try not to let him see me looking at all, which is just shooting myself in the foot! :doh: 
That said, the one time I actually took the plunge, made eye contact and gave a guy my best 'come hither' smile, it actually paid off! I was waiting at a bus stop when this cute BHM walked by. He was just my type (grown up skater boy) & about 250 lbs :smitten: and as he passed I caught his eye and gave him a slow, naughty smile and he smiled back! And he walked on a bit more and then looked back and smiled AGAIN! It made my day (I know it's not a full blown flirtation, but it was a start). Maybe it was easier for him because he wasn't _that_ big. I've never had any success impromptu flirting with anyone bigger than that, though believe me I've tried.  
Maybe we FFAs should have some kind of badge or maybe a gang hand sign like the bloods and the crips! Something that will let a BHM know...


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## nala (Jan 30, 2006)

pattycake said:


> My problem is; I'm aware that if he sees me looking, he may think I'm looking in disgust (the last thing I want is to hurt anyone's feelings or embarrass anyone) so I try not to let him see me looking at all, which is just shooting myself in the foot! :doh:
> 
> 
> That just sound so familiar...
> ...


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## Jackoblangada (Jan 30, 2006)

I think Nala has a great idea..Simple and discreet. But the smiling thing alwasy helps. I have trouble figuring figuring out if someone is flirting..especially they are helping me in a store or retail setting. I just assume they are being nice to the customer kind of thing. Can never figure it out,I am notoriously bad at it.
It is just not in my pull down menu of options that often lol.


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## missaf (Jan 30, 2006)

There's a hat out there somewhere that says " I (heart) FAT CHICKS."

Maybe we should all wear one that says "fat guys!" lol


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## tankgirl (Jan 30, 2006)

My usual modus operendi is a quick once over. If that warrants further interest, then it's a GOOD toe-to-head "Yes, I AM looking at YOU" sorta thing, followed by eye contact - IF the silly bastard LETS me :doh: !!!!!

WHAT the fuu is up with that, guys?? Come on, I dunno bout the rest of y'all, ladies, but most of the time, the eye contact is the HARDEST thing in the world!
*searches for font increase thingie*
Ah.....
QUIT STARIN AT YER SHOES!!
Your shoes are not that interesting. Your eyes however, are probably a good start. My first check, honestly, is laugh lines vs frown lines. 
*cocks an eyebrow* IF I can SEE your friggin FACES....
Past that, I have to rely on other things. Like, do *I* get the "repeated fleeting glances" thing. Or any other shit. Which most of y'all refuse to do because you're interested in your shoes.
What the fuu.
Or maybe it's the laces?
Or some stain on your shirt?
Or SOMETHING??!?!
.....

Assuming that (the endangered eye contact) happens, this is the part where things get strange, and vary every time. If they get the hint, whisch is RARE... I get the once over. And nothing after that, most the time. Or sometimes I just find something to say to them. Somehow.

Hard to find sommat to say to a man who stares at his shoes! 

Occasionally, I get a few minutes of conversation and a very stilted view of men in that area. Once in a blue moon, I get a few minutes of good conversation, trade numbers.... wait a few days, call, he's out or a voicemail... leave a message... few hours, call back... no new message, old one still stands- "Call me!"... Next day try again.... leave another message, but don't bother calling back... *sigh*
What does it take...?
I think guys around here are kinda retarded.
Still stands though... We can be forward, but in decent public- I hope to GOD I'm not wrong- there's a certain level of decency involved.

WE CANNOT WALK UP AND GROPE YOU IN THE LINE AT WALMART. :doh: 

Although, sometimes, dear GOD I wish I could get away with that!!

......Then again, that dude in the Walmart noticed me looking. Yeah. I think he looked away before he saw the grin forming. 
Too interested in his shoes.
And of course, my luck, his line is fast, and the broad behind the counter ran out of tape and didn't have a spare roll... and he was gone by the time I escaped.
Dammit.
....
Okay.
I'll... just be done. *sigh*
Yeah.
Heh.
[/rant]


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## missaf (Jan 30, 2006)

Many many times I've been in line somewhere, Disneyland, the store, food places, you name it, and been dying to grope the fatness inline with me.

Must restrain impulse... :doh:


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## Alexandria (Jan 30, 2006)

I have discovered that it is hard sometimes to get a BHM to even think that you might have a crush on him.

There's this one incredibly handsome BHM who visits the coffee shop where I work, and he always orders milk and a cookie. I've been trying to be as flirty as nessisary to strike up converstation, but I don't think he gets that there's more to it then a surface flirting.

Ah well, but then how do you tell a big guy that you like the way he looks? It's near impossible for fear of him thinking you (the FFA) is a freak or that you are joking. 

But then, it's nothing a bottle of wine couldn't cure, I'm quite sure.


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## missaf (Jan 30, 2006)

Have you tried: "Would you like some Alexandria to go with your milk and cookie?"


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## Alexandria (Jan 31, 2006)

You make my heart happy, MissaF!!! If only one day I could be that brave. ;-)


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## Dibaby35 (Jan 31, 2006)

Alexandria said:


> You make my heart happy, MissaF!!! If only one day I could be that brave. ;-)



Just do it..lol..whats the worst that can happen? He turns ya down..big whippee..at least you'll know.


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## Tad (Jan 31, 2006)

Tankgirl, dang you can write! One of the best and funniest posts I've read in a LONG time. 

Also you make good points.

One thing for all of you frustrated ladies to remember--the things that we practice a lot in adolescence get hardwired into the brain and are really hard to shift out. Guys who were fat in high school often spent a lot of time avoiding attention, because so much of the attention they would receive was negative. That behavior is hard to overcome.

-Ed


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## Jackoblangada (Jan 31, 2006)

You know what woudl work? Give him extra cookies! The only time I am really certain that a woman is into me is at a resteraunt or something and they give me extra food and a wink! That tells me they like a fat man who can eat.
Other than that i am a complete fool when it comes to who is hitting on me. Soooo give him an extra cookie and wink.





Alexandria said:


> I have discovered that it is hard sometimes to get a BHM to even think that you might have a crush on him.
> 
> There's this one incredibly handsome BHM who visits the coffee shop where I work, and he always orders milk and a cookie. I've been trying to be as flirty as nessisary to strike up converstation, but I don't think he gets that there's more to it then a surface flirting.
> 
> ...


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## fat hiker (Apr 7, 2006)

Jackoblangada said:


> You know what woudl work? Give him extra cookies! The only time I am really certain that a woman is into me is at a resteraunt or something and they give me extra food and a wink! That tells me they like a fat man who can eat.
> Other than that i am a complete fool when it comes to who is hitting on me. Soooo give him an extra cookie and wink.




Now that's sound advice!


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## estrata (Apr 9, 2006)

I gotta say that the only time I managed to get a fat man to date me, lol, is when I actually called him up and _convinced_ him I wanted to go out with him.

As FFAs, its hard to get the message across (obviously). And since most FFAs dont accept the fact that they are one until theyre in a relationship, its no _wonder_ these things are hard!

Either way, once I got him to go out with me we ended up comparing stretch marks later that night (me because Im tall, he on his wonderful belly). Wonderful!  Too bad, though  I think I was just too young and immature, and he was too self-conscious, to make it actually work. Seven years later, hes still single. And I feel bad, because I think our little relationship was probably worse for his confidence than better.  

Where am I going with this?!

Anyway, fat guys are usually shy, I think weve determined this. And shy guys are always the nice ones, but it means us girls have gotta do more work! But in the end, would you rather have one of those guys that comes up to you in a bar and asks you want your sign is, or a really cute guy with a wonderful belly who just takes a bit of convincing that you actually _do_ want to go out with him  and get your hands around his pudge! :eat2:


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## Obesus (Apr 9, 2006)

The cute blonde clinical coordinator and intern psychologist that I work with, have both been giving me donuts and cookies left and right....I knew there was something going on...but unfortunately, they are both in my audit trail, so I can't do a dang thing about it...until the intern leaves in June, that is! Mauahahahahah! She keeps leaning back in her chair, showing me how firm her tummy is...very slyly and subtly....oh....I can see the signs....that and the fact that she keeps talking to me about getting a boyfriend! Aha! You FFA types think we don't notice these subtle signs, eh? Well, generally, we don't unless you whack us on the head! :bow:  
Oh, for once, both of these women are actually in my age group...wild!



Jackoblangada said:


> You know what woudl work? Give him extra cookies! The only time I am really certain that a woman is into me is at a restaraunt or something and they give me extra food and a wink! That tells me they like a fat man who can eat.
> Other than that i am a complete fool when it comes to who is hitting on me. Soooo give him an extra cookie and wink.


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## sweetnnekked (Apr 10, 2006)

baron20 said:


> It has been my personal experiance that when a woman looks at me like that I feel like she is staring out of discust or oddity. After joining sites like this I do sometimes think to myself 'I wonder if shes an FA' but I usually laugh to myself and think ya right. For the mst part, I think you female FA's out there need to be a little more forward with your advances, most of us are very shy.



That's exactly what I feel and think. Even on this board I'm still shocked and somewhat skeptical of thinking anyone would find me attractive.


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## sweetnnekked (Apr 10, 2006)

tankgirl said:


> My usual modus operendi is a quick once over. If that warrants further interest, then it's a GOOD toe-to-head "Yes, I AM looking at YOU" sorta thing, followed by eye contact - IF the silly bastard LETS me :doh: !!!!!
> 
> WHAT the fuu is up with that, guys?? Come on, I dunno bout the rest of y'all, ladies, but most of the time, the eye contact is the HARDEST thing in the world!
> *searches for font increase thingie*
> ...



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Many many times I've been in line somewhere, Disneyland, the store, food places, you name it, and been dying to grope the fatness inline with me.

Must restrain impulse... 

My God, where are all you women? I'd love to be groped! Anytime, anywhere.


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## Fuzzy (Apr 10, 2006)

I am guilty. I admit that more often than not.. I'm looking towards my shoes because of that soup/sauce stain on my shirt.

I need to remember a tie or something to catch the drips.


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## Ladyrose1952 (Apr 10, 2006)

I have seen some wonderful FAT MEN around here locally and when I see one that really DOES IT for me, I make it a point to have him notice that I am looking at him.

I am not past making it very well known to a FAT MAN that the smile that I have on my face is warm, honest and just meant for him. I just wished that they would realize this and at least say HI back.

Talk about looking at our shoes, I think that we all do this, it is so hard to overcome the idea that being FAT is embarassing and not desirable.....

I think that men and woman alike that are FAT just aren't bold enough to just come right out and let our desires known because we are so afraid of rejection from the focus of our desires.

I think that many of us are like ostriches and we are burying our heads in the sand and hiding from life. 

Like I said earlier, I am bold enough to look a Cute FAT MAN in the eyes and smile at him, but there is just so much that can be done from there if he doesn't return the look or looks at those proverbial shoes that he is wearing.

There are a lot of Cute FAT MEN on this forum but they don't make their desires known that well here either. 

I get lots of sly flirting from my website, on MSN Messenger and otherwise here and other BBW/BHM sites that I frequent (to many young guys under 30), but I don't have anything tangable too experience either.

I do believe if I get a look like that returned to me or any real contat from one of these wonderful men, I would probably pass away! LOL


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