# Seeking support and guidance



## KendraLee (May 6, 2008)

Hi everyone, I've just recently discovered Dims and I am posting a new thread instead of introducing myself through the introduction forum because I am in need of support and guidance from people who I know should understand where I'm coming from. I'm 275 lbs and usually very comfortable with my body and until recently I have only been with men who would not be considered FA's. Some of these men were special and brought meaning to my life but a few I would just erase from my mind if life were that simple. Last summer and throughout the year I had been with my first FA. It was amazing to be with someone who really seemed to appreciate and desire all of me, so probably because of this I fell for him quick and hard. Unfortunetly that was the only amazing thing about our relationship. He ended up being a cold, distant, manipulative, lying, vain, mentally abusive person. He's made me feel worse about myself than anyone else has in a very long time. Its hard for me to feel like this because I'm usually a very confident person. I've been having a really hard time getting over this person and this experience and I still long to see this person even knowing all the negative sides to him. Anyway, I'm kind of at a loss as to where to turn and how to move forward. So any words of advice and encouragement or even just sharing your own bad experience and how you got over it, from anyone who understands what I'm going through will be appreciated.


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## AppreSheAte (May 6, 2008)

i think you'll really enjoy dim. you're not a very big girl here, but from what i can see a very pretty lady. 

i guess it takes all kinds of people. i think people don't always know how to treat others and are so conflicted about who they are or want to be too, that often they take it out on others who really are most special to them.

maybe the old expression, you only hurt the ones you love, is true?! sad to think it, but it makes sense. no one else tries to understand us, or cares. so we hurt those that matter most to us, or that care the most.

suppose i would simply encourage you to seek out other FAs - we're not all bad. i think it's great that you have found out that there are those that prefer and find large curvy feminine bodies are the best!

good luck, and i hope you forget the person who hurt you. there are many, many more people to get to know, and life is a journey that requires exploration and adventure to find your dreams and happiness.

did i mention? wow! you're little avitar pic is really pretty?!  welcome again.:smitten::smitten::smitten::blush::blush:


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## dodo (May 6, 2008)

A. You're hot.

B. Now that you've pegged the fellow a loser, you can move on. "FAs" are like anybody else. We are floaters and sinkers and everything in between. Simply happen to like fat, too. Don't let it go to your head. Use all your senses, just as you normally would. Blow the pain out using standard pain-blowing-out techniques such as getting drunk, working overtime, screwing around, scrapbooking, etc. and when you're done, date somebody else. Get on with it. Don't wallow in nothingness. Don't admit defeat. Or rather, admit defeat, then don't admit it. Rise from the ash and kick ass.

_This has not been a paid endorsement, nor are the opinions or sexual preferences of any candidates necessarily reflected herein._


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## fabeantownluver (May 10, 2008)

i agree, your cute and should have no trouble finding the right guy.

this guy was obviously not the right one. i met alot of girls before i met the right one. you just have to perservere and take the good with the bad.

good luck.


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## Bigjoedo (May 15, 2008)

KendraLee,

I always felt weird being an FA but this site proves I was not alone.

I can empathize with how you feel. I was on the other end. I'm an FA and dated a lady for 5 years. Over that time she packed on about 110# and looked fabulous. I was totally enamored by her amazing body and the sex was awesome. She left me and moved in with an old boyfriend.That was 18 years ago and I still think about her, but I've moved on. It's her loss, I'm happy successful. Best of luck, you are at the right place.

bigjoedo


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## KendraLee (May 20, 2008)

So Just when I start to feel like I can move on the A-hole calls and turns my world upside down. Its been two months and he acts like everything is fine. You might feel proud to know that I didn't cave in and see him (doesn't mean I didnt want to though). Thankyou so much guys for your kind words and support


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## sweet&fat (May 20, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> So Just when I start to feel like I can move on the A-hole calls and turns my world upside down. Its been two months and he acts like everything is fine. You might feel proud to know that I didn't cave in and see him (doesn't mean I didnt want to though). Thankyou so much guys for your kind words and support



Good for you! From what you've written, he doesn't have it in him to treat you well, and I'm sure he'll keep taking what he can and giving nothing but grief if you let him. 

Sometimes the exhilaration of having someone worship your body (when you've been told 8 billion times that you should be ashamed of it) can cloud your vision. Falling hard and fast- it can be hard to distinguish whether it's the praise you love or the actual man.


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## braindeadhead (May 20, 2008)

Good luck with your situation I hope the jerk wad has enough kindness to leave you alone. Tragically jerkwads tend to run thin on kindness.

Just remember that no matter what he says or does your better off without him

and welcome to the board


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## Pookie (May 20, 2008)

Welcome to Dims, its a really great place that has done wonders for my confidence and attitude in general.

I have been in relationships that ended up where yours was, however I am not a naturally confident or assertive person so I would hope you would have a little head start there in picking yourself up again.

I find hanging out at Dims is a perfect non threatening boost to confidence, your feelings of attractiveness... look, see these great guys have already said what they think of you, and its really sweet to hear these things about yourself when you dont normally.

Join in here and you will soon get back to your self, know that you are better than somebody who treated you like shit, nobody deserves that. I spent a long long time getting over the terrible mental state my ex husband left me in, its not easy, but a supportive place like this, where somebody will always be there to offer a word of friendship is a fabulous resource.

*squishy hugs*


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## Duniwin (May 21, 2008)

Pookie said:


> Welcome to Dims, its a really great place that has done wonders for my confidence and attitude in general.
> 
> ...
> 
> I find hanging out at Dims is a perfect non threatening boost to confidence, your feelings of attractiveness... look, see these great guys have already said what they think of you, and its really sweet to hear these things about yourself when you dont normally.



Hearing stuff likes this makes me proud to part of the size acceptance community.


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## angel-1 (May 25, 2008)

Welcome!!! It's a lovefest here at Dims. I think this guy is an idiot. And you're totally hot:bow::bow::bow: This will pass. It always does. When you least expect it, the right guy will show up, make you mad happy and Mr. Douche Bag will be assed out!!! While you're waiting for Mr. Right, hang out with us. We will do whatever we can to keep a smile on your face.


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## KendraLee (May 26, 2008)

Thanks again for all your support and everyone's comments about him are completely true but My biggest problem now is trying to forget his number. My weekend was filled with partying with family and friends at a bachelorette party on fri and a wedding on sun and while I was having a great time I stupidly let the alcohol weaken my resolve and tell me it was ok to text him. Don't worry nothing came of it but I'm still pissed with myself for doing it


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## chubluvr (May 26, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Thanks again for all your support and everyone's comments about him are completely true but My biggest problem now is trying to forget his number. My weekend was filled with partying with family and friends at a bachelorette party on fri and a wedding on sun and while I was having a great time I stupidly let the alcohol weaken my resolve and tell me it was ok to text him. Don't worry nothing came of it but I'm still pissed with myself for doing it



Don't beat yourself up over it. What you did was human and understandable.
I have been divorced for 6.5 years, and sometimes, in weak moments, even after all this time, I am tempted to call her. It's only human nature.
You'll get past it in time.


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## olwen (May 26, 2008)

He's a useless SOB. Remember that. Not all FA's are like that, not all men are like that. Being an FA has _nothing _to do with how he treated you. So now you know what it feels like to hear wonderful things said about your body. Great. Now take that feeling and look for it in someone else - someone who will tell you wonderful things about you _and _your body. You WILL find someone else. I say let the jerk go. Just let him go. The pain he's caused isn't worth the pleasure.


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## disconnectedsmile (May 28, 2008)

dodo said:


> Now that you've pegged the fellow a loser, you can move on. "FAs" are like anybody else. We are floaters and sinkers and everything in between. Simply happen to like fat, too. Don't let it go to your head. Use all your senses, just as you normally would. Blow the pain out using standard pain-blowing-out techniques such as getting drunk, working overtime, screwing around, scrapbooking, etc. and when you're done, date somebody else. Get on with it. Don't wallow in nothingness. Don't admit defeat. Or rather, admit defeat, then don't admit it. Rise from the ash and kick ass.



your ideas intrigue me, and i would like to subscribe to your newsletter.


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## Placebo (May 28, 2008)

Duniwin said:


> Hearing stuff likes this makes me proud to part of the size acceptance community.


seconded (~hoping that's an actual word)


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## wrestlingguy (May 28, 2008)

Placebo said:


> seconded (~hoping that's an actual word)



Thirded, and I really doubt that it's a word. You will find over time that your BS radar for men in general will get sharper, and you will eliminate this emotional trauma from your lifestyle before a relationship can ever happen.

As Olwen stated, this is a guy problem, not just a FA issue. Consider yourself fortunate that it hasn't happened more often. 

There are some great people here, men & women alike. Participate and learn, and you will put this issue in your past quickly.


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## Waxwing (May 28, 2008)

olwen said:


> He's a useless SOB. Remember that. Not all FA's are like that, not all men are like that. Being an FA has _nothing _to do with how he treated you. So now you know what it feels like to hear wonderful things said about your body. Great. Now take that feeling and look for it in someone else - someone who will tell you wonderful things about you _and _your body. You WILL find someone else. I say let the jerk go. Just let him go. The pain he's caused isn't worth the pleasure.



Damn right. An irritatingly large percent of the population can be thoughtless and awful. But he wasn't that way because he's an FA. He was that way because he's a fucking douchelord. You will find someone who loves you, inside and out, who is WORTH your time and emotion. This guy was not that one.

Olwen is right that we can take the things that were positive out of a bad relationship and know what we want to find in another person. Another person who gives us those aspects, and everything else that we need to be happy in a relationship. You WILL find that.


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## KendraLee (May 28, 2008)

Douchelord, I like it. Lord of the Douches


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## Waxwing (May 28, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Douchelord, I like it. Lord of the Douches



It's a horrible kingdom they live in, but someone has to lead the Douches.


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## KendraLee (May 28, 2008)

Doucheland is an evil place where nothing grows, a horrible stench fills the air and its inhabitants are never truely happy. How wonderful, He's been exhiled to Doucheland with no way out


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## mango (Jun 3, 2008)

*Hi KendraLee,

Welcome to Dims! 

The only advice I can offer is to close the book on this guy (Gerrard Depardouche?? heh). Delete his number from your phone and his email from your contacts etc. Try and resist the urge to contact him. 

What you can take with you is the experience you gained from being with him and the lessons learned. Forget the rest.

You're a beautiful girl and I don't think it will be very long before you have several budding suitors willing to meet up with you and get to know you.

*


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## Caine (Jun 3, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Hi everyone, I've just recently discovered Dims and I am posting a new thread instead of introducing myself through the introduction forum because I am in need of support and guidance from people who I know should understand where I'm coming from. I'm 275 lbs and usually very comfortable with my body and until recently I have only been with men who would not be considered FA's. Some of these men were special and brought meaning to my life but a few I would just erase from my mind if life were that simple. Last summer and throughout the year I had been with my first FA. It was amazing to be with someone who really seemed to appreciate and desire all of me, so probably because of this I fell for him quick and hard. Unfortunetly that was the only amazing thing about our relationship. He ended up being a cold, distant, manipulative, lying, vain, mentally abusive person. He's made me feel worse about myself than anyone else has in a very long time. Its hard for me to feel like this because I'm usually a very confident person. I've been having a really hard time getting over this person and this experience and I still long to see this person even knowing all the negative sides to him. Anyway, I'm kind of at a loss as to where to turn and how to move forward. So any words of advice and encouragement or even just sharing your own bad experience and how you got over it, from anyone who understands what I'm going through will be appreciated.



Well Kendra, I may no thave as many years experience dating as you, but I do I do know how to keep others from making me feel worse about me, might be the same thing as everyone else here or some of them.
Still, best solution? Do not take people at face value till you know them, theres always a mask for people when you first meet, see how he is without it then make a decision. Still I can offer better ideas for keeping a good mood or not getting a bad one, one thing is keep you're best friend in the loop at all times and to make sure nothing negative can happen to you.

Hope some ofthat helps you out Kendra


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## KendraLee (Jun 7, 2008)

I just found the guy I was referring to in this thread posted on dontdatehimgirl.com. I can't tell you how elated I'm feeling about it. I only wish I had thought of it:doh:. And Every single person who responded to me in this thread I want to thank soooo much.


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## olwen (Jun 8, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> I just found the guy I was referring to in this thread posted on dontdatehimgirl.com. I can't tell you how elated I'm feeling about it. I only wish I had thought of it:doh:. And Every single person who responded to me in this thread I want to thank soooo much.



Yikes. That's gotta sting - for him! 

See, this is what baffles me about some men sometimes: If they only want empty sex, instead of saying so, they lie and double deal because they assume that all women want sex and love to go together, and they assume that they are "man enough" to manipulate a woman into doing whatever they want, or they think that if a woman sees who they really are they won't stick around, which may or may not be true. Women are perfectly capable of making their own informed decisions about who they sleep with. Sometimes some women just want empty sex too. Why is honesty so hard to do?


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## KendraLee (Jun 8, 2008)

olwen said:


> Yikes. That's gotta sting - for him!
> 
> See, this is what baffles me about some men sometimes: If they only want empty sex, instead of saying so, they lie and double deal because they assume that all women want sex and love to go together, and they assume that they are "man enough" to manipulate a woman into doing whatever they want, or they think that if a woman sees who they really are they won't stick around, which may or may not be true. Women are perfectly capable of making their own informed decisions about who they sleep with. Sometimes some women just want empty sex too. Why is honesty so hard to do?



Exactly! I've thought this and said this numerous times myself. I even said it to him. When I first met this person I went into it just thinking I was just going to have some fun. He was the one who brought emotions into it through manipulation. Love and Sex through manipulation is a power play for him. I think he strung numerous women along. I think he's one of those men who looks down on and hates women so he has no conscience about playing with our emotions. I've been through a lot of shit in life and I have to say that he was the worst thing to ever happen to me.


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## KendraLee (Jun 8, 2008)

But I'm good now. Friends, Family and Dims has helped


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## olwen (Jun 8, 2008)

That's good.


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## Star Struck (Jun 8, 2008)

Hun I know exactly where you are coming from. There's nothing more I could possibly say that these wonderful people haven't already, But if you ever need a female heart to heart..I will be here for you and we can chat through messages, aim, yahoo whatever it takes! Keep your head up beautiful!


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