# I'm so depressed



## Sandie_Zitkus (Aug 31, 2007)

I've been trying to deal with this alone - but I can't anymore.

I guess it's because of being sick all summer and now recovering from surgery - I'm so deeply depressed all I seem to be able to do is sleep and cry - and post an occasional smartass post here. I hate when I get like this because I feel like no one gives a damn about me and I alienate even those I know care.

Why can't I get past this?? I go along OK for a while and then it's like being swallowed by a deep dark hole. And it feels pretty damn deep this time. I miss having someone to call to talk to about this. My best girlfriend is in her own personal hell right now and I can't reach her. So - I feel really alone. And nothing feels worse to me then feeling no one in the whole world cares if I live or die. I know it's not true but what's true doesn't matter when I get like this.

Can someone please point me in the right direction to find out more about bi-polar disease. I have been suspecting this for years and every time I bring it up to any kind of Dr. all I get is "you're depressed you're gonna be moody". That's not good enough anymore.

I need some help. And a friend. Is anyone out there???


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## coyote wild (Aug 31, 2007)

Hi, I'm out here. I can't really comment on the whole bi-polar thing, but I was kind of just perusing the forums.

If you want information on bi-polar disorder, you can click here.

But if you're just looking for someone to talk to, then read on, my friend.

I don't know you that well, so I don't really know what you're going through so guess what - I'm not going to pretend to know. That's not going to help anyone.

I just want to say that I care. I don't even know you, but I care. Because you are a human being, you are a _life_, and life is a beautiful thing in all of its forms. I know you know that people care. You said it feels like no one cares, and even though you know it isn't true, it doesn't help.

Well, maybe it doesn't help because you have no evidence to back it up?

*waves* Hey, Sandie! How's it going? You can call me *evidence.*

I know, I know, I'm rambling like a person gone mad. I just walked in the door at 12:30am after being at school all day and running around in my car all day being stuck in the rain, stuck in traffic, and just putting up with all sorts of mess.

All-in-all, it was a pretty good day. I have a throbbing headache that was with me every step of the way, but I enjoyed myself.

Sandie, just know that it's all good. I mean, I know it's not "all good," but it will be. Just smile. Just smile and see if you feel any better. I've seen your pictures (they used to be your avatar, if I'm not mistaken) and you're very pretty. So put that to use and smile. Just do the world a favor and _smile._

It's going to be okay, I can pretty much guarantee it. I would recommend getting some sleep, but that probably isn't going to help. 

I know I'm probably not "getting through" or anything. I just wanted you to know that someone cares enough to make you aware that someone cares. You should totally watch a movie. You like movies? Watch a movie. A _good_ one though. Get engrossed in the plot and just forget all your troubles. That's what movies are _for_, man! Put on a movie. I'll wait.

Or just...you know...do something that makes you feel good. Have some ice cream, smoke some green, whatever. As long as it isn't self destructive (which some people may argue about the "green).

I hope you enjoy your night. I'll probably be hitting the sack, soon. I'm sixteen kinds of worn out.

But, yeah...I hope this post was sufficient in distracting you from your problems...and reminding you of them here in the end. I'm terrible at things like this.

Ya like kittens? Sure ya do. Everyone likes kittens. Imagine kittens.

Sweet dreams.


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## JerseyGirl07093 (Aug 31, 2007)

Hi Sandie!
I came upon your post just as I was about to log off and go to bed but I just had to answer you first....
I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. I'm sure a lot of us have felt the way you do right now, I know that I sure have. And even though in your heart you know that people love and care for you something in your brain is telling you different. Don't listen to that voice! Seriously, somewhere deep inside there is another voice that is telling you 'you will get through this', and if you just hang in there, you will. I know it's hard to do, but please try.
I, too, lost my best friend 2 years ago. She decided to go all kooky on me and we had a big fight and I haven't talked to her since. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to run to her and just couldn't do it. I know it's not easy.
Also, please try and find another doctor, one that will listen to you. I wish you lived here in NJ so you could go to mine. It took me all these years to find one that I actually liked and treated me like a person and not just a FAT person. Keep trying til you find one that listens to you when you say you are hurting and that you have concerns about being bi polar. Even if that turns out not to be the case they should treat your concerns seriously and work with you to find a solution, whatever that may be. (I know that's wishful thinking with some doctors but there are some good ones out there!)
I just hope you get the help you need. I know you've been through a lot lately. Right now the best I can offer is my advice (for what that's worth! lol) and my good wishes.
Take care of yourself!

-Lisa


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## PolarKat (Aug 31, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Can someone please point me in the right direction to find out more about bi-polar disease. I have been suspecting this for years and every time I bring it up to any kind of Dr. all I get is "you're depressed you're gonna be moody". That's not good enough anymore.
> 
> I need some help. And a friend. Is anyone out there???



First, you should go and see the right type of doctor, start with a psychologist/phychiatrist. It would be prefferable to talk to your family doctor for a referral, or get recomendations from people you know, also don't make any assumptions or try to self diagnos depression issues, or even try to deal with it yourself. Depression doesn't resolve itself, and those who have depression, are the worst at seeing it's extent in themselves, and don't put it off. It only gets worse over time. 
There's nothing to be affraid of, basically the Phychologist/iatrist will just sit down with you, and discuss the symptoms, ask you questions and then try to assist you. It may be as little as occasional visits to an ocupational therapist to sit down as discuss what's bothering, you.. he might refer you for blood work to see if your diet could be the cause, or a chemical imbalance due to stress, etc.. 
But the most important thing is not to put it off..


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## Renaissance Woman (Aug 31, 2007)

First, depression after surgery isn't that uncommon. 

Second, I once again remind you that YOU'VE GOT MY PHONE NUMBER.

Third, I'm right there with you. I'm finding fewer and fewer good things/reasons to be happy. 

I know a lot about bipolar--used to work on a big NIMH bipolar study, talked with bipolar patients all the time, worked for a psychiatrist who specialized in it, etc. Feel free to PM and I can point you in the right direction for a diagnosis if you're looking for one.

ETA: Your doctors are asses. They should have asked for your specific depression symptoms and/or given you a referral to a psychiatrist, not just given you a "yeah, depression will do that" bullshit response.


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 31, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Can someone please point me in the right direction to find out more about bi-polar disease. I have been suspecting this for years and every time I bring it up to any kind of Dr. all I get is "you're depressed you're gonna be moody". That's not good enough anymore.



Sandie, I'm shocked that a doctor would tell you this. A doctor isn't trained to recognize the varied symptoms of BPD. Why haven't you been referred to a psychiatric specialist?


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Aug 31, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Sandie, I'm shocked that a doctor would tell you this. A doctor isn't trained to recognize the varied symptoms of BPD. Why haven't you been referred to a psychiatric specialist?




This is the thing. Not only have MD's said this to me but my therapist who worked in a practice of 5 Psychiatrists also said this (he was in Colorado). And one of the Psychiatrists in that practice that I saw also shruggd me off. I need to find a competent Psychiatrist - I'm tired of playing here.


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 31, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> This is the thing. Not only have MD's said this to me but my therapist who worked in a practice of 5 Psychiatrists also said this (he was in Colorado). And one of the Psychiatrists in that practice that I saw also shruggd me off. I need to find a competent Psychiatrist - I'm tired of playing here.



Sandie, if a lot of professionals are not seeing evidence of BPD, then perhaps it's not there? Not to say that there isn't something going on ... just ... maybe not that? 

Many of my clients with BPD spent years in the system being misdiagnosed or having difficulty finding a treatment plan that worked for them (regulating BPD with meds is very difficult ... not the least of which is ensuring compliance). So I do understand that a few professionals who do not know you well & do not have access to your complete medical & psychiatric records could overlook some possible symptoms ... but your therapist, who worked closely with you ... along with several MD's and a psychiatrist? 

You know, something that I found interesting is that some of my clients told me that it wasn't their doctors, or their therapists, or even themselves that initially noticed something was wrong. It was their loved ones. What does Wayne think? (You don't need to respond to me ... I'm just saying, if you haven't already asked him, maybe it would be a good idea to do so?).


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## SamanthaNY (Aug 31, 2007)

Just to clarfy... BPD = _borderline personality_ disorder. BD = _bipolar_ disorder. There are similarties, but they're two very different diagnoses.


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 31, 2007)

SamanthaNY said:


> Just to clarfy... BPD = _borderline personality_ disorder. BD = _bipolar_ disorder. There are similarties, but they're two very different diagnoses.



Thank you, Samantha. I did mean BD, and shortened it to BPD because, frankly, I wasn't sure if I should be hyphenating the word bi-polar (bipolar?).

And that highlights something I was struggling to make sure I'd highlighted enough to Sandie - I'm no expert. Just a layperson, with some experience in providing case management to clients with MI (mental illness .... just to be safe ) issues. 

Oh ... and just nuts enough in my own right to have some experience with therapy.


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## SamanthaNY (Aug 31, 2007)

Complely understandable, TraciJo... it's a very common thing to discuss bipolar disorder as 'BPD', and even to cross-diagnose the two. I only know of the abbreviation confusion because a friend's husband suffered from BPD, and I thought she meant bipolarity. Here's a good informational page on the comparisons/differences.


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 1, 2007)

Sandie, I had been severely depressed for months. Mine came from the circumstances in my life. As I have found a job now, things are slowly getting better but I'm fixing to have to move into an apartment in a shady part of town b/c I lost my house and that ugly apartment is what I can afford now. I also had recovered from a major surgery last year and truly believe, I know how you feel. I know squat about BP or all the other disorders that maybe you and me have. If I ever get insurance and a competent doctor, I might get help from the depression that haunts me. Just wanted you to know, I understand and you will be in my prayers. Big hugs. Feel better soon.


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## Obesus (Sep 1, 2007)

There are many different types of depression and situational depression, especially after a major medical procedure is very common. My nurse practitioner was working with me on that a couple of years ago after my near fatal MRSA infection. You need to get an assessment from a licensed Psychologist. Psychiatrists, as much as I love 'em (I work with several of them at our program) usually do not have the extended time for testing and assessment that *Psychologists* specialize in. My ex-wife was diagnosed as Bipolar and is now the "Poster Child" for her clinic as far as managing the disorder with great success...a combination of medication and cognitive behavioral therapy can do wonders...did I mention that I am the administrative manager for a mental health clinic? Get a licensed Psychologist on the case! :bow: 



Sandie_Zitkus said:


> This is the thing. Not only have MD's said this to me but my therapist who worked in a practice of 5 Psychiatrists also said this (he was in Colorado). And one of the Psychiatrists in that practice that I saw also shruggd me off. I need to find a competent Psychiatrist - I'm tired of playing here.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 2, 2007)

Want big time attention from a Dr. about being depressed? Blow up in his face and threaten to shot him and his whole staff if something isn't done soon..Rant and rave like a wild woman and when they try to calm you down explain to them you have been trying to tell them for months things were not right..Tell them you need help and you need help now not when it is convenient for them..

I know that suggestion seems a bit far out there but believe it or not it works..I have had to use it twice to get some help for the problems I was having..First was when I was going through peri-menapause and the Dr. didn't believe me..Kept telling me I was way to young at 35..Took threatening his life for him to sit down and really listen to what I was saying..Then after a 5 minute blood test he confirmed what I knew was happening...The second time was about 4 months ago and my depression was keeping me from sleeping(still does from time to time as it is 3 am and I am not sleepy)..I told my Dr. twice that something was going on and I needed some help..She looked at me and shook her head yes,that was it..I went back to see her a week later and told her if she didn't help me soon I was going to hurt some one and it wouldn't be a pretty sight..That day I got a script for some Trazodone..

I know how hard life is Sandie when you talk but none of the Dr.s listen..Some times it takes over the top drama for them to sit down and really listen to what you are saying....Even my family didn't get the depression..Hell I was having panic attacks and they all thought I had lost my mind and needed to be committed..Hang in there and tell every Dr. you see what is going on with you..Keep telling them until someone listens! Good luck and I hope you get the relief you need...


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## Friday (Sep 2, 2007)

Sandie, bi-polar and depression are not interchangable but both are equally serious. I am boggled that your Doc blew off the fact that you are depressed even while acknowledging your depression in the same sentence.

Depression can be fatal. People die of it every day. Go back and plant a boot right in that jackass's fundament and tell him you need help and that if he's not capable he needs to refer you to a real doctor. My husband nearly died of depression last year but the treatment has done wonders. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 2, 2007)

BubbleButtBabe said:


> Want big time attention from a Dr. about being depressed? Blow up in his face and threaten to shot him and his whole staff if something isn't done soon..Rant and rave like a wild woman and when they try to calm you down explain to them you have been trying to tell them for months things were not right..Tell them you need help and you need help now not when it is convenient for them..
> 
> I know that suggestion seems a bit far out there but believe it or not it works..I have had to use it twice to get some help for the problems I was having..First was when I was going through peri-menapause and the Dr. didn't believe me..Kept telling me I was way to young at 35..Took threatening his life for him to sit down and really listen to what I was saying..Then after a 5 minute blood test he confirmed what I knew was happening...The second time was about 4 months ago and my depression was keeping me from sleeping(still does from time to time as it is 3 am and I am not sleepy)..I told my Dr. twice that something was going on and I needed some help..She looked at me and shook her head yes,that was it..I went back to see her a week later and told her if she didn't help me soon I was going to hurt some one and it wouldn't be a pretty sight..That day I got a script for some Trazodone..
> 
> I know how hard life is Sandie when you talk but none of the Dr.s listen..Some times it takes over the top drama for them to sit down and really listen to what you are saying....Even my family didn't get the depression..Hell I was having panic attacks and they all thought I had lost my mind and needed to be committed..Hang in there and tell every Dr. you see what is going on with you..Keep telling them until someone listens! Good luck and I hope you get the relief you need...




Obviously, you were desperate for help & I'm glad you got it. But you're giving some seriously bad advise. Threatening to harm someone else is an open invitation to an arrest record, or worse.


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## SamanthaNY (Sep 2, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Obviously, you were desperate for help & I'm glad you got it. But you're giving some seriously bad advise. Threatening to harm someone else is an open invitation to an arrest record, or worse.



Ditto. That made me cringe when I read it.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Sep 2, 2007)

I agree it is not the best advice but the point behind it is..Some times you need to shock people into listening to you..

I had to do something totally out of character to finally get the Dr. to sit down for more then 3 minutes and really listen to me..When I stepped out of my meek shell and made such a bold statement it shocked him into listening and finally helping me out.. Before he would come into the room and more or less tell me what was wrong with me and leave..I would try to tell him what was going on but he wouldn't listen because he was so overbooked and behind...I was paying him $40 for a visit that didn't really involve me..I know it helped and ever since that visit I have been very vocal at my Dr.'s visits..

Dealing with depression is hard enough,then throw in a Dr. that treats you like you are just a moody woman,with pms symptoms, that doesn't know when some thing is wrong is enough to make ya spit fire..It just feeds the depression and makes you feel even more unworthy of being on this earth and breathing air..It feeds that lil monster in your head that tells you that life would be better off without you in it..


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## Dr. Feelgood (Sep 2, 2007)

BubbleButtBabe said:


> I agree it is not the best advice but the point behind it is..Some times you need to shock people into listening to you..



I agree completely. Medical professionals spend their days listening to people complain about the way they feel, and often they start to tune those people out. But what doctors are most afraid of is...lawyers! So if you have to throw a hissy fit to get somebody's attention, don't threaten 'em with violence, just drop the 'm' word (malpractice).

That said, Sandie, I'm very sorry that you're feeling rotten, and I agree with the other posters that you should probably get a checkup from the neck up, as Kinky Friedman says. But don't discount Renaissance Woman's advice, either: your body and mind are closely connected, and your body has just been through an ordeal. Everyone I know who's had surgery has been depressed for a while. I had some minor knee surgery a few years ago and was depressed for _weeks_; it turned out to be a reaction to the anaesthetic they used -- and the anaesthetic may take a couple of weeks to get out of your system! So hang in there, and I hope you feel better soon.


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## Miss Vickie (Sep 2, 2007)

Sandie, I'm so sorry you're hurting. I know far too well that depression can be so debilitating, so hopeless-making, so awful -- I can quite literally feel your pain. I want to encourage you to continue to try to get help by whatever means you can (except threatening to kill someone -- unless you want to be committed for an indefinite amount of time). Your symptoms should not be blown off; every mental health provider should be checking in with you, asking if you have thoughts of self harm, asking what your mood is on a scale of 1 to 10. I see a wonderful NP who's got mental health training and even though I'm mostly seeing her for anxiety and some stuff relating to life events, rather than underlying depression, it's a question she asks almost every time I see her. "Any thoughts of self harm?" "Any thoughts of hurting others?" "What's your mood on a scale of one to ten?" That way we can monitor how I'm really doing. Do you *ever *get asked those questions????

You know, you seemed to have a rapport with the WLS doc who treated your gall bladder problems. Can you maybe call his office and see if they can recommend a psychiatrist? WLS docs deal with a lot of emotional stuff and I bet they know some wonderful mental health professionals who can help you. 

I know it's hard when you're depressed, but please try to continue to get help, okay? It can take awhile to work out diagnoses -- many psyche issues overlap -- but once they do they can help you get back on track. In the meantime, maybe you could keep a journal or log and see if there's a pattern to both your low's and your high's. That'll help them decide if you have a bipolar mood pattern. 

I'm sorry you're hurting, chica. I hope you can get some good, effective assistance so you can start to feel better. In the meantime, yes, depression from surgery is to be expected and so it's most important to be gentle with yourself.


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## moore2me (Sep 2, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I've been trying to deal with this alone - but I can't anymore.
> 
> I guess it's because of being sick all summer and now recovering from surgery - I'm so deeply depressed all I seem to be able to do is sleep and cry - and post an occasional smartass post here. I hate when I get like this because I feel like no one gives a damn about me and I alienate even those I know care.
> 
> ...



Sandy, 

I recognize your pain & anguish. You do need help, no matter what is your diagnosis or cure. It's obvious you cannot do this alone - just need a jump start from a profession. Suffering from that deep a depression for that long a time needs an intervention. You or Wayne arrange for one.

There was an article today on MSNBC about new cures for bipolar-disorders. The article mentioned four treatments:
1) Scopolamine (used in seasickness or carsickness patches) - these seem to calm the moods out in the patients,
2) Riluzole (a medicine used in Lou Gehrig's disease),
3) Tamoxifen (used in breast cancer), and
4) Brain scans using electric fields.

Actually, I have heard rumors about #4 for years now. Also, I have had about 7 MRIs of my brain and afterwards I do feel much better mentally for days. Also, my headaches vanish. There's something about exposing the brain chemistry (or electricity) to more power that rearranges the little electrons up there.

Here's a link to the story
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20563010


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## TattooedDi (Sep 2, 2007)

HI Sandie,
I know we don't know each other, but I do hope that you find all the help you need medically, emotionally, physically.ect ect. It sucks feeling that you are all alone, when you know you're not. That evil little voice in your head that constantly pushes the bad stuff forward and tries, even enjoys allowing us to wallow in self induced pain and misery. I hear this voice daily over many many different things.

Anyway, I know you know you aren't alone. I can't give you any advice different from the wonderful suggestions that are already here. 
You're obviously a good person unless you wouldn't have so many insightful caring people in these forums so concerned about you. Im sure that the people in your RL (or those around you in person) believe this to be true to.

As for your best friend being in her own personal hell right now, I have just (and still am) distancing myself from the two women that Im closest to my bestest friends/would be sisters. I just explained that I didn't want to dump my shit on them when I know they both have lives to lead. (this was to my one bestest bud over the phone as I cried she listened).

My other who has known me longer (since kindergarten) I told her at her son's b-day party (cause I knew there were to many people around for her to get me to involved in my drama) but I basically told her the same, I didn't want to bother her, or hear things, ect ect ect, yadda yadda.. and she told me, "Girl, all you had to do was say I just really need to talk to you, I just need to talk and need you to listen..."
Maybe say this to your girlfriend, us women have that gift of just "knowing" when those closest to us are hurting, and maybe just the sound of her voice, you just getting everything under the sun off your chest, and let her know you are aware that she's going thru her own problems but you're just more comfortable, or just want to talk to her cause she gets you. Maybe it will even brighten her day, make her forget her own hell she's going thru cause she cares for you and Im sure she'd hate to know how badly you're suffering and just care to much for her to "burden" her.
I doubt she'd feel that way...and maybe you'd even feel better yourself.

Anyway.. sorry for rambling. I do hope you start getting better and feeling better.
{{*tight hug*}}

Di


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 3, 2007)

Thank you everyone. I am on Paxil for about 7 years now. I don't think it is working anymore. Wayne is going to find me a Psychiatrist in our med plan on Tuesday. I hope I can find one that is taking new patients - that's been a real problem. 

Thank you all again for the support.:wubu:


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 3, 2007)

TattooedDi said:


> Maybe it will even brighten her day, make her forget her own hell she's going thru cause she cares for you and Im sure she'd hate to know how badly you're suffering and just care to much for her to "burden" her.
> I doubt she'd feel that way...and maybe you'd even feel better yourself.
> Di



This is true. During my long bout with depression this year, I did keep a lot of things to myself as I did not want to burden my friends. They were going through a lot themselves. If one did happen to unload on me, for a bit I felt my problems weren't so bad. It was good to take the focus off myself.


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## Tina (Sep 3, 2007)

But maybe your friends might have felt the same way had you told them, no? Cutey, I'm the same way. It's so hard for me to just call a friend and tell them, "I'm having a hard time and here's why." Coping mechanisms from childhood do not serve me today, but they're hard to break.


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## Esme (Sep 3, 2007)

CuteyChubb said:


> This is true. During my long bout with depression this year, I did keep a lot of things to myself as I did not want to burden my friends. They were going through a lot themselves. If one did happen to unload on me, for a bit I felt my problems weren't so bad. It was good to take the focus off myself.



I totally agree, Cutey. I find it difficult to tell people when I'm having a very bad/depressing time. I never want to feel like a burden to them. I'm much more comfortable listening to others. I think for me it all goes back to a certain fear of letting people see the "real me" whatever that means. Or perhaps it's a fear of being hurt. I don't know. Whatever the case, I tend to keep a lot to myself too. It's much more comfortable to focus on others than on myself.


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## Miss Vickie (Sep 4, 2007)

Sadly, I think the hardest thing about depression is the self imposed isolation.  It would be a lot more manageable if we'd allow ourselves to reach out to someone for help and just an ear or shoulder.


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## Esme (Sep 5, 2007)

Miss Vickie said:


> Sadly, I think the hardest thing about depression is the self imposed isolation.  It would be a lot more manageable if we'd allow ourselves to reach out to someone for help and just an ear or shoulder.



That's so true Miss Vickie... and I think it's one of the reasons more people don't get the help they need too. It's sad. I know people who don't want to "bother" the therapist or feel that if they go get help somehow they'll be taking away time from someone else who needs it more.


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## HottiMegan (Sep 5, 2007)

I am so sorry you're feeling so down. I can completely relate. I fell off my diet and gained 30lbs thanks to my recent onslaught of crap this summer. I know how it is to want to stay in bed all day. I'm tired all the time and don't feel like doing ANYTHING. 

I too know your feeling of being alone. I moved away from home for college and stayed here. The only friend i have in my life is my husband and he's no help. He doesn't get that someone can be depressed for other than an acute reason. It's just a general depression caused by numerous things that can't be fixed. I have no girl friends which i desperately miss. 

I cant help you on bipolar disease but I know that it runs in my family. I do know several people dealing with it and that their medication is a life saver for them.

I do find that getting out in the sunshine for an afternoon helps my mood a lot. Also eating a lot of veggies helps me. (i think it has to do with getting proper vitamins) 

If you can, when you're on your feet after surgery, seek some help. I know it will help, even just therapy to have a sounding board.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 5, 2007)

Hey Darlin' - thank you so much for your kind words and friendship. I am just so damn tired. And I realize now most people get depressed after surgery. So - I feel a bit better but I just want to sleep all the time. Funny thing is I thought I was an insomniac for years. Turns out I just needed a CPAP. I haven't been able to sleep well for over 10 years. So, it's good I'm sleeping. I will be looking for a Psychiatrist when I can. But there aren't many in our small town. 

I hope you feel better soon Megan - you've been on my mind. I'm always available if you need to talk. Send me a PM if you want my cell number. Sometimes all you need is someone to validate what you are feeling.  





HottiMegan said:


> I am so sorry you're feeling so down. I can completely relate. I fell off my diet and gained 30lbs thanks to my recent onslaught of crap this summer. I know how it is to want to stay in bed all day. I'm tired all the time and don't feel like doing ANYTHING.
> 
> I too know your feeling of being alone. I moved away from home for college and stayed here. The only friend i have in my life is my husband and he's no help. He doesn't get that someone can be depressed for other than an acute reason. It's just a general depression caused by numerous things that can't be fixed. I have no girl friends which i desperately miss.
> 
> ...


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## Surlysomething (Sep 5, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Hey Darlin' - thank you so much for your kind words and friendship. I am just so damn tired. And I realize now most people get depressed after surgery. So - I feel a bit better but I just want to sleep all the time. Funny thing is I thought I was an insomniac for years. Turns out I just needed a CPAP. I haven't been able to sleep well for over 10 years. So, it's good I'm sleeping. I will be looking for a Psychiatrist when I can. But there aren't many in our small town.
> 
> I hope you feel better soon Megan - you've been on my mind. I'm always available if you need to talk. Send me a PM if you want my cell number. Sometimes all you need is someone to validate what you are feeling.



Mental health care professionals can only do so much. Ultimately we're the ones that have to make ourselves better. Fight for our rights, find the strength. Exercise is paramount, it helps depression in a big way. Having a purpose everyday, that helps SO much. Having to get my ass out of bed everyday to go to work made me fight it.

Get help, but help yourself too. We're SO MUCH STRONGER THAN WE THINK!


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 5, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Mental health care professionals can only do so much. Ultimately we're the ones that have to make ourselves better. Fight for our rights, find the strength. Exercise is paramount, it helps depression in a big way. Having a purpose everyday, that helps SO much. Having to get my ass out of bed everyday to go to work made me fight it.
> 
> Get help, but help yourself too. We're SO MUCH STRONGER THAN WE THINK!




I am not sure how to respond to your post. I've been clinically depressed all my life. It's a chemical imbalance - and pulling myself up by my bootstraps doesn't work when I can't even get out of bed. I know you meant well but Jeez - I have had this advice thrown at me all my life - it doesn't work for me or millions of others who are depressed.

When I was so depressed I couldn't leave the house for a year when I was 19 my mother's advice? "Snap out of it!" Oh OK that fixed it.

I need medical intervention as do many others. I am doing what I can to get the help I need. That's all any of us can do.


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## Surlysomething (Sep 5, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I am not sure how to respond to your post. I've been clinically depressed all my life. It's a chemical imbalance - and pulling myself up by my bootstraps doesn't work when I can't even get out of bed. I know you meant well but Jeez - I have had this advice thrown at me all my life - it doesn't work for me or millions of others who are depressed.
> 
> When I was so depressed I couldn't leave the house for a year when I was 19 my mother's advice? "Snap out of it!" Oh OK that fixed it.
> 
> I need medical intervention as do many others. I am doing what I can to get the help I need. That's all any of us can do.




But jeez? I have been too. But one has to help themselves too. Professionals can aide you and do the best they can, but ultimately we're the ones that have to fight for our wellness. I'm not belittling you, I battle this everyday and I know what it is. But as much as you need medical help, you also need to help yourself. It goes hand in hand. DEMAND HELP from a medical health care professional, but work at it too. That's all i'm saying.

You came on here talking about being depressed, I gave my opinion on what I do to fight mine. It can be crippling, I KNOW. And it's not advice being "thrown" at you. I don't know you. It's a board. I responded. I struggle big time with depression but the only way it's got better for me is getting help and making it better. We have one life and we're responsible to live it the best we can. Sorry you didn't like my reply. -shrug-


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 6, 2007)

Thanks for the compassion. 






Surlysomething said:


> But jeez? I have been too. But one has to help themselves too. Professionals can aide you and do the best they can, but ultimately we're the ones that have to fight for our wellness. I'm not belittling you, I battle this everyday and I know what it is. But as much as you need medical help, you also need to help yourself. It goes hand in hand. DEMAND HELP from a medical health care professional, but work at it too. That's all i'm saying.
> 
> You came on here talking about being depressed, I gave my opinion on what I do to fight mine. It can be crippling, I KNOW. And it's not advice being "thrown" at you. I don't know you. It's a board. I responded. I struggle big time with depression but the only way it's got better for me is getting help and making it better. We have one life and we're responsible to live it the best we can. Sorry you didn't like my reply. -shrug-


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## Surlysomething (Sep 6, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Thanks for the compassion.



-shakes my head-


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 6, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> -shakes my head-



Why do you want to argue with me? I'm done with this rediculousness.


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## Wagimawr (Sep 6, 2007)

I think the point being made here is that some people suffer depression that they can dig themselves out of, and some people suffer depression that only medication can alleviate.

Our brains are as different as we are.


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## Surlysomething (Sep 6, 2007)

I'm not arguing.

I replied to a post, you don't like what I have to say. Do you think i'm going to not reply back when you act the way you do? Please. I didn't say anything mean. I mentioned how I handle things. Apparently I was only supposed to be lovey dovey or something. Weird. Carry on.


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## Surlysomething (Sep 6, 2007)

Wagimawr said:


> I think the point being made here is that some people suffer depression that they can dig themselves out of, and some people suffer depression that only medication can alleviate.
> 
> Our brains are as different as we are.



That's sort of what I was getting at. You can't get well with just medication. You can't get well with just being stubborn and "sucking it up". You need both of them, hand in hand. It takes a lot of work to feel better when you're depressed. I was in no way belittling. I think that I was supposed to say..."awww". I'm sorry. It's not in my nature. To me depression is a fight. And I say it because I fight it, big time. I know how much it hurts. Empathy can only go so far. I saw all the friendly posts and that's all fine and good. I didn't know I would be in the dog house for mentioning how I try and handle things. It's unfortunate.


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## GenericGeek (Sep 8, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Thank you everyone. I am on Paxil for about 7 years now. I don't think it is working anymore. Wayne is going to find me a Psychiatrist in our med plan on Tuesday. I hope I can find one that is taking new patients - that's been a real problem.
> 
> Thank you all again for the support.:wubu:



Sandie, it could just be time to switch meds, and you don't really need to wait for a psychiatrist for that. Your GP may be willing to help you, in the meantime. Have you tried a non-SSRI antidepressant, like Wellbutrin?

Here's wishing you the very best. Hang in there!


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## Jes (Sep 8, 2007)

Sandie:

A few people have mentioned isolation and getting up and out every day, and I have to come down on the side of that, too. You've often mentioned feeling lonely, not having friends nearby, etc. And while a depressive period is THE hardest period to get out and do things (all of us who have suffered know that) and while you're also recovering from surgery, perhaps a diagnosis, or a meds change or a different brand of talk therapy might help you, eventually, toward getting a job (even a part time one), so that you do have a reason to get up and out, something that will bring you into the world more, give you more chances to meet people (and perhaps new local friends!), some money coming in to have fun with, and a real sense of satisfaction. If nothing else, it will take up some hours and give you something to focus on. I'm not saying it's easy, but is it one of your goals, toward which you want to work? From reading what you've said about yourself over the last few years, I think it could really help get you where you want to go, in terms of activity, positive reinforcement and meeting people. Being home all day alone is certainly a symptom of depression, but I believe it's a cause of the same too, in some ways.


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 8, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I'm not arguing.
> 
> I replied to a post, you don't like what I have to say. Do you think i'm going to not reply back when you act the way you do? Please. I didn't say anything mean. I mentioned how I handle things. Apparently I was only supposed to be lovey dovey or something. Weird. Carry on.



Back off. You're obviously not helping.


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## Tina (Sep 8, 2007)

We all have our own ways of dealing with things. I suffer from depression, too. Both because it's hereditary, but also some of my conditions can, and do, bring it on. Surly, I think you're right. We do have to do both. Sometimes it can be extremely hard to make ourselves do things that will ultimately help us, because so often apathy goes hand-in-hand with depression. I didn't see you as advocating bootstrapping, but more an active approach to it. Sometimes, we'll have a day when all we can do is wallow. But if it goes on for too long, we have to do something to bring ourselves out of it, even if that just means going to the doc and finding out about an alternate medication.

Being supportive doesn't only mean holding the person's hand and saying, "there, there." 

And it takes to to tango. Or tangle, as it were.


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## Sandie S-R (Sep 8, 2007)

CuteyChubb said:


> Back off. You're obviously not helping.



Chutey...

That is really not very fair. The thing is, there is no one right way to battle depression. What works for one, may or may not work for another. Quite possibly something that someone talks about here may be of some help to someone else, even if it seems at first blush to be counter to what others are saying. Everyone here has a right to talk about what works for them. This is a public forum after all, and isn't that the point?

Lets all make an effort to be kind. This is a tough subject for anyone who suffers from depression.


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 8, 2007)

Yes, this is a public forum but this was also a thread Mrs. Zitkus posted to get some love and support and advice about bi-polar disease. When the posters response was being rejected, she just kept coming back as if to be argumentative. Does a depressed person need to deal with that? Not everything here is to be debated, or does it? If this was just a general thread on the subject of being depressed I could see your point. This was a personal cry for help.


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## SamanthaNY (Sep 8, 2007)

Everyone is trying to be helpful in their own way. Let's hold the dissension from now on, please, and keep this to posts that might help Sandie.

Thank you.


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## mossystate (Sep 8, 2007)

I know, very well, how needed it is to have those days where I am getting the hand holding . If it is all I go for, then I get the shovel out and start digging a deeper pit. Surly was actually being very supportive ( is how I read it ) by saying we can be..and need to be.. doing more to help ourselves. I have had people suggest to me what I might do to help myself ( this has come from friends, people online, the therapist I was seeing..etc ) when I am locking down. I might, and have, bristled at the suggestions, but these days, more often than not I at least listen to what they have to say and I back up and ask myself...ok, I know I am depressed and I know how I don't always see things clearly..do I immediately snarl at observations from others..or do I take at least one toe off the self-pity wagon and know I have the power to pick and choose how I react. This does not change that I am depressed, but, there is something powerful in our reactions not just being an emotional free-for-all. 

This is the health forum, so, it is reasonable for people to share some things they have found useful. This is not about telling any person that they should go hide if they are depressed, and not expect any kindness. But, if there is a pattern shown, it is natural that some might say...ok...this is not healthy...not the depression..or the thinking that people have to walk on eggshells...that is manipulative, and shows a strength that is being used in a negative manner. When I was younger, I knew how to manipulate in this manner ( to a degree ). Yes, it came from pain, but, we all have a responsibility to help ourselves, while getting many helping hands ( and keeping in mind that how we behave affects others ), along the way.

Oh, and getting out?..that is a very basic...and golden tool..anxiety and depression go hand in hand. When a person does not move, they have way too much time to worry and be anxious. Even with a severe chemical imbalance, a person can still have lots of opportunity to help themselves in what might seem to be the smallest of ways. Opening that front door, even if it is ' just ' to look at what surrounds you. Depression/anxiety that we don't do much about, can also make us into people who become fairly narcissistic..we spend so much time in our pits, that if the world does not always stop for us, when and how we want it to..we can become people who never see the support we DO get.

All of ' this ' is an onion with many layers...one size does not fit all. I do not see this as ' debating '. Chubby, there can be a sort of ' compassion burn out '...not that people do not feel for others who struggle...but...some want to do more than ' just ' do the hand holding thing, especially if, like I said, there is a pattern. It's like " wow, ok, I see this..I see it a lot..I am going to roll up my sleeves ". I think, Chubby, I would agree with you more, if I never saw any kindness shown..*s*

*eta..I think that talking about reactions to things like this actually is helping..it can help re-route thinking..I think a professional situation takes care of the meat and potatoes of a serious situtaion


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## ripley (Sep 8, 2007)

First of all, I think you do need a medication change. My sister was on Zoloft for many years and it lost it's effectiveness. She's been on quite an arduous journey (over six months) trying to find something that will work for her. Cymbalta was a dangerous disaster, Prozac didn't work...now she's on Lexapro and another drug, and they seem to be working. 

Secondly, I think that Surly, Jes, etc. have a point. I know you felt attacked when Surly posted, but that itself might be a symptom of your mental situation. But...they're right. A person needs things in their life. Isolation and too much time to dwell on things breed depression. You mentioned that your friend is going through her own "hell" right now. Instead of lamenting the fact that you can't tell her about _your_ problems, why don't you try listening to _hers_? Helping someone you care about can make you feel so good. Also, to have a friend you have to be a friend...so you could kill two birds with one stone; help your friend and help yourself.

If you don't want to work, then I can't stress having hobbies enough. And if you can combine them with helping others it's even better. If you like gardening, plant a row for the hungry. If you like sewing or knitting, donate your finished projects to the needy. Like to read? Volunteer to do readings for kids at your local library. Nothing can make you feel better than helping others. Don't know anything about gardening or sewing (or whatever interests you)? Then take a class. You're learning something and are out and meeting people and stimulating your brain. 

It's not about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps...it's about sleight of hand...if you're concentrating on these diversions, there is less time to dwell in your own mind and not like what you find there. 




It seems that often you are like a raw nerve, Sandie (which could be part of your mental illness), and that anything other than the softest words you view as a personal attack. I hope you see that what I've said here is not an attack about what you're not doing now, but just suggestions on what you could do to help ease your pain. I've dealt with depression and I don't wish it on anyone. Medications and therapy are definitely important, but it's also important to change behaviors and take concrete steps. Even if this is not what you want to hear, I hope you can take it in the manner in which it was intended...honest suggestions to try to help you.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 8, 2007)

Listen folks I appreciate everyone who has tried to be helpful here - but I don't need a lecture. I stepped back from this thread because Surely was not being helpful - especially in the E-mail conversation I tried to have with her. Being told your "A miserable human being" is Not my idea of help.

If someone wants to start a "We hate Sandie Z cause she's a bitch" thread please be my guest. The back handed pseudo compassion I've gotten here by a select few of you is just another slap in the face by people here who don't like me or want me banned. I'm tired of it all.

If I wanted a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" lecture I would call my mother.

I'm depressed - not stupid. It's chronic - I know that. I have physical limitations to what I can and cannot do. I just had an operation - I'm depressed from the stress. I'm on Paxil too long - I need to see my Doctor. I know all this - but money and time are in short supply right now.

I thank you with all my heart for caring enough to post to me - but I needed a friend to talk to - not a mother. 

So - I won't be back here to get yelled at. But thanks.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Sep 8, 2007)

Thank you Ripley I appreciate this post very much. I am going to see my Doctor to change my meds - as soon as I can. 

Sometimes my nerves are raw and I do take everything personally - but that also comes from the years aand the history I have here with some posters. It's something I deal with some days better than others. 




ripley said:


> First of all, I think you do need a medication change. My sister was on Zoloft for many years and it lost it's effectiveness. She's been on quite an arduous journey (over six months) trying to find something that will work for her. Cymbalta was a dangerous disaster, Prozac didn't work...now she's on Lexapro and another drug, and they seem to be working.
> 
> Secondly, I think that Surly, Jes, etc. have a point. I know you felt attacked when Surly posted, but that itself might be a symptom of your mental situation. But...they're right. A person needs things in their life. Isolation and too much time to dwell on things breed depression. You mentioned that your friend is going through her own "hell" right now. Instead of lamenting the fact that you can't tell her about _your_ problems, why don't you try listening to _hers_? Helping someone you care about can make you feel so good. Also, to have a friend you have to be a friend...so you could kill two birds with one stone; help your friend and help yourself.
> 
> ...


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## Jes (Sep 8, 2007)

Are you near any universities? I guess pharmaceutical companies will do! Lots of places are looking for responsible, articulate people to try new medications or to tweak existing ones. I'd never recommend anyone try nutso radioactive suppositories or anything, but there are a lot of studies going through which you can get quality medication, counseling, medical care, follow up, etc. So if you're finding that you're resistant to your medication or not being listened to by your Dr., then consider getting involved in a study. You don't strike me as someone for whom compliance would be an issue (a main problem with these studies) and you're certainly available when they'd want to talk to you, and since they're paying you, they'll definitely listen to you, and pay close attention to how the meds are working. Since money is in short supply for you, this could be a real option!


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## Jes (Sep 9, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Listen folks I appreciate everyone who has tried to be helpful here - but I don't need a lecture. I stepped back from this thread because Surely was not being helpful - especially in the E-mail conversation I tried to have with her. Being told your "A miserable human being" is Not my idea of help.



Please be careful taking private messages and broadcasting some part of them here. I don't know if Surly thinks this is fine, but I wouldn't. 

I do think we're all trying to listen to you, Sandie. You posted for a reason, and we're answering for a reason. We may not match up point by point, but that doesn't make the exercise moot.


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## SamanthaNY (Sep 9, 2007)

I'm going to ask _one more time_ that posts here be in response to the OP, or not at all. Further negative discussion of other people's suggestions/motivations isn't helpful. 

/MOD.


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## liz (di-va) (Sep 9, 2007)

It sucks, it's not fair, but I think depression has to be fought like any other illness. The sucky part being that the illness itself makes it so hard to fight...the illness. Being depressed makes it really hard to fight being depressed. It's really not fair, but I do think it's part of feeling better. 

I've suffered from depression since I was a kid. It runs in (both sides of) my family. I don't have it all figured out, it is an ongoing battle, and it sucks! Isolating myself becomes the biggest self-perpetuating problem. I can say that the times I've really actively gotten better it has been through a combination of: kind, compassionate therapy; reaching out to others; compassion toward myself; action of any kind--in my case it almost doesn't matter what, but action toward ANYTHING--housekeeping, getting out, doing anything rather sitting there; medicine when needed; and tenaciousness about listening to my internal dialogue and interfering when it gets negative. In the spirit of the last, there are a lot of cognitive, behavorial things that can be done too.

I should also mention that this year I am coming off a verrrrry long (3 years) period of ill-health and lack of mobility and know how big a challenge that is to mental health. Boy, talk about isolation. NEVER underestimate how much that plays into depression. You are without even the regular tools to help yourself! It sucks.

I do believe in getting better, though. I know it's possible, I am sure it's our right! Small steps, small pleasures, infinite kindness, an enormous stockpile of patience/fight. A willingness to be your own advocate.


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## Jes (Sep 9, 2007)

liz (di-va) said:


> I should also mention that this year I am coming off a verrrrry long (3 years) period of ill-health and lack of mobility and know how big a challenge that is to mental health. Boy, talk about isolation. NEVER underestimate how much that plays into depression. You are without even the regular tools to help yourself! It sucks.
> 
> .


Yeah, i really really agree with this. Even physical activity, to the point that you exhaust yourself, gives you more energy and can stop the cycle of lying there! And I don't mean running a marathon. It can mean going for a walk around the block, slowly, if that's more than you've been doing! Sometimes, I think it feels good to be exhausted by a real something, not a depressive nothing. 
And, walking is free!
Someone else mentioned volunteering. Sandie, you're in a great position for this. Most of us who want to volunteer don't fit the requirements. We're busy all day every day (of the work week) and that's when they need volunteers!! So you're in a prime situation to be able to make a weekly commitment to something and when you see what you're contributing, it's bound to make you feel good and give you a purpose if you're feeling you don't have one. You can do what so many of us can't--you can find those hours once a week, or whatever, when you're needed. I try volunteering a lot but my schedule almost never allows it! I think that stinks. So if a job isn't really a possibility, another 'calling' can bring a lot to your life right now (or in the near future, as I know you're still healing from surgery). It gives you something to look forward to, and people are usually really nice to volunteers.


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## liz (di-va) (Sep 9, 2007)

liz (di-va) said:


> I should also mention that this year I am coming off a verrrrry long (3 years) period of ill-health and lack of mobility and know how big a challenge that is to mental health. Boy, talk about isolation. NEVER underestimate how much that plays into depression. You are without even the regular tools to help yourself! It sucks.





Jes said:


> Yeah, i really really agree with this. Even physical activity, to the point that you exhaust yourself, gives you more energy and can stop the cycle of lying there! And I don't mean running a marathon. It can mean going for a walk around the block, slowly, if that's more than you've been doing! Sometimes, I think it feels good to be exhausted by a real something, not a depressive nothing. And, walking is free!



Yeah, you have to have the tools! Everyone assumes you have them, whether or not you do--sometimes the advice I would get about medical problems reminds me of the way people talk about depression. Doctors would say: well why don't you just swim? (Well, erm, I'm here because I'm having such bad menstrual flooding I can't leave the house, help me, I *want* to swim.) Why don't you just walk? (Well, erm, I'm here because it took me 20 min to walk 50 yards from the elevator to your office and I'm in so much pain I can't breathe, help me, I *want* to walk.) Why don't ya just get undepressed? 

The thing is you do have to get a toehold, SOMEwhere. Somehow. It's hard! Sometimes you have to yell and scream to get people to pay attention to the right things.


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## Surlysomething (Sep 9, 2007)

My intention here was *never* to make light of Sandie's depression and I apologize if it came off that way. And what was said in here about a privately initiated conversation by Sandie with me should have stayed that way. Unfortunately it didn't.

Yes, I do think you're quite miserable right now. I stand by that. But. Big but. I think once you get your depression under control that should go away. I'm trying very hard not to take this personally because I know what it's like to lash out when one doesn't feel good. If i'm the punching bag for Mrs. Zitkus on this issue so be it. Have at it. I fight my depression issues like hell _every day _and this is so minor in my world that to take it personally would be ridiculous.

I think so much good advice has been given here on this issue! Meds adjusted, possible volunteering, etc. I took a cooking course and spent more time with family and friends, whatever someone needs. Was it hard to drag my ass out of bed? *Hell yes!* But I did what I had to do. I hope you find something to comfort you as well. I also live alone and bring home the bacon, if I didn't get out of bed who would pay the rent? What an incentive. And my cats. Someone had to feed those little people in fur coats. Now I have rituals. Like showering. And going for coffee at the beach to mellow out. Little things actually. And if you think those things came to me easy, think again. I don't even look the same as I did when I went through my worst depression. I've come SO far. 

I hope you find the help you so desperately need, Sandie. All the best to you on your journey to feeling well. One. Step. At. A. Time.

This will be my last post on this topic. As fars as *I'M *concerned, there is NO issue between Sandie and I.

Take care
Tina


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## QtPatooti (Sep 10, 2007)

My experience with depression. I had to try a number of different counselors before I found the right one. I had to find one that I could connect with on some level to be able to open up fully. The experience is similar with medications. I initially was put on prozac, then tried paxil, zoloft and wellbutrin. None of them worked as well for me as does the Celexa that I am on now. But it was a struggle through years and a number of crises' that got me to the Celexa. I think the most important thing I did and still do is go regularly for medicine checks with a psychiatrist. Right now I go every 6 months. Which makes it easier to contact her if something comes up and I need to see her or have her consider an adjustment to my meds. Of course I believe my depression is genetic and is something I will always be dealing with.

But for as good as I am doing now, I have to mention my first experience with a counselor (years ago) who said there was nothing wrong with me. So I left there more confused than when I arrived. So if you dont get the help you need on the first try - try again. And keep trying until you get there. 

Sandy: there are any number of us here that would be glad to listen if you need someone to talk to - myself included.

Robbi


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## BigBeautifulMe (Sep 10, 2007)

Sandie, I hope you're still reading this, because there's something everyone missed (because most probably aren't aware) that's very important. 

One of the biggest symptoms of sleep apnea is DEPRESSION. A large percentage of apnea patients are sent to have a sleep test by their psychologist or psychiatrist. An even larger percentage are misdiagnosed and given psychiatric meds, and the underlying source of the depression - apnea - is not discovered for much longer.

I was in that second category. I struggled with clinical depression for over a decade, and then began having manic swings, to the point that my job was in jeopardy. I was diagnosed as bipolar, and put on strong meds, which I stayed on for two years.

Then, I was tested for apnea. I had severe apnea. I started CPAP. I used it all night, every night, from day one, despite having issues with comfort, pressure, etc. And within three weeks, I was totally weaned off my meds, at my psychiatrist's orders. I was a totally new, non-depressed me. And my life is completely turned around.

Now, I should say it doesn't happen that way for EVERYONE, but many people who have depression see at least some change in the amount of meds they need once they start cpap.

So my question to you is, how is your CPAP therapy going?


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## BigBeautifulMe (Sep 10, 2007)

Okay - just saw your CPAP thread - glad it's going so well! That's great 

Give it some time - see if it doesn't improve. And if you're already on meds, talk to your doc and see if it might be time to change them.


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## SocialbFly (Sep 10, 2007)

i think it should also be added Sandie, that you just had a large surgery, a night intubated, and the whole lead up and now the after effects of your surgery...

i place part of the increase in your depression as partly that, i think i touched on this in some other thread....you had a change in your perception of yourself and now you have been surgically altered....

MANY people often find that after a bout of anesthesia that it takes a while to feel better, as a suggestion i would increase the water intake, and increase your activity to your tolerance. Why? Both of these should help mobilize any residual anesthesia still hanging around in your fat tissue.

You may find that helps...and i concur that this may also have changed your bodies chemistry a little...and sometimes even a small change in chemistry is enough to upset the apple cart....i think a doc visit is a great idea...

Good luck Sandie...


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## ashmamma84 (Sep 10, 2007)

I suffer from depression as well, and what alot of people already touched on is so true to dealing with it; I do my best to eat well, get in some excercise and I'm not talking hardcore here, I love yoga and belly dancing...and I'll tell you something, Sandie, when I'm shaking my hips or doing a downward facing dog...I feel free!! It gets those endorphins pumping and I have a brighter outlook on life. I also try my very hardest to get to bed at a regular time (though being in school full time and working, things can get crazy), but I try to be good to myself. Having things that I look forward to throughout the week, besides taking exams and punching in, help me. 

I don't know if you work or not, but maybe just a part time job at some place fun or creative (so it really doesn't feel like work) might help. Or take up some new hobbies -- belly dancing is awesome for big women...we've got more body to work with. (smile) Maybe pottery or candle making...just something that keeps your mind active and your thinking positive. Also, maybe try getting Wayne involved...like a couple's excercise class in your town or even just scheduling time at the end of the day to take your dogs for a walk around the block together...

Babe and I have basically had to join forces because if we didn't, I'm not sure we would still be together. The alienation that I felt, like I was the only one going through this, in turn, pushed her away because I felt she didn't understand...and after talking and being very honest with each other, we now make an effort to do something constructive together...it could be visiting a place we've never been (later this month we are going to an orchard) or making dinner together...or going to the park. And I have to admit, she was the one that suggested I have a medicine change -- I am now on Lexapro and it's really working, combined with everything else I'm doing. Now the only thing let is getting to a sleep study...

I truly understand how difficult trying to deal with depression can be...

I wish you the best.


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## Jes (Sep 10, 2007)

You know, taking a pottery class is a great idea. The people are usually fun and it's great to be creative. It's also a good experience to be BAD at something. I'd cherry picked my experiences knowing things I'm good at so often that it was humbling to be the 'bad kid in the room' cutting up b/c I stank at it, at first. Then, it grew on me and I really enjoyed it. Plus, it's a process. Make it, trim it, fire it, glaze it. Usually takes 3 weeks or so to finish a piece. That's therapeutic in its own way. Pottery is a lot like mental issues. You can do what you can do, but the clay has a mind of its own and it's interesting to have to deal with that, in both directions!!! Plus, if money is an issue, you can use your own earnings, or at least make things to give away to people as gifts, and recoup some costs that way. People love handmade gifts.


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## Jes (Sep 11, 2007)

wow. This thread got a lot of hits! That should make you feel good right there. People do care.


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