# Do we still need a separate BHM/FFA board?



## Tad (Jun 29, 2015)

When this board was first created, the site was dominated by male FA and BBW, and many female FA and BHM didn't feel welcome. At first traffic on this board was slow, but it gradually became one of the most active boards on site. Traffic is down here now, but it is also down on the other boards. 

Which makes me wonder, would it be better to concentrate the community onto fewer boards? If so, would merging the BHM/FFA board back into the main board make sense?

What are your opinions?

- Would having the BHM/FFA board getting merged into the Main board change how likely you are to participate?

- Do you think doing that would discourage new FFA and BHM participants?

In NO WAY am I suggesting that anything like this is imminent. I just figure that it is occasionally good to question the status quo, and to consider other possibilities.


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## ScreamingChicken (Jun 29, 2015)

With everyone so strung out all over the place and essentially segregated ALONG with an overall drop in participation, I'd say that it is going to be a necessary move at some point to keep this place viable with the remaining posters that are still here. Otherwise, why maintain all these smaller forums with relatively small participation when all the traffic seems to be on the pay site boards? It's sad but it's the reality of things.


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## MsBrightside (Jun 29, 2015)

I would really hate to lose the BHM/FFA board. :sad: It's the main reason why I joined this forum in the first place. To me having fewer boards would just give people fewer options and even less reason to participate. And it seems that a lot of people have left as a result of some unpopular changes around here, so I'm surprised something like this is even being considered. 

Also, the BHM/FFA board has some very unique aspects that would likely be lost in such a merger. IMO there's really no where else where BHMs or FFAs can feel the cameraderie that they do here. 

I know there's an FA/FFA board that FFAs can participate in, but I think male and female sensibilities on the subject can be very different, which is one of the reasons I have never posted there. For example, sometimes someone will make a thoughtful, well-written, nuanced post there about some aspect of their preference; and immediately afterward, with no sense of irony, someone will post something along the lines of "I love to slide my giant schlong between a pair of double-Z boobs, baby!" I realize that's hardly representative of all male FAs, but I think there's a vocal subpopulation to whom it applies. If it's in the sexuality board, that sort of thing is perhaps to be expected, but I think a lot of females have trouble relating to someone who thinks and/or expresses himself that way.

And what about the BHMs? There's some kind of "hot boy" thread I made the mistake of clicking on in the Lounge or some place like that, and it was filled with nothing but rippling abs. Of course there's no reason BBWs or anyone else can't enjoy such a thread, but I'm glad there are alternatives on the BHM/FFA board, like the threads started by Surlysomething and loopytheone. And I love :wubu: seeing the pics and hearing from all of the hilarious, gorgeous men on this board. I'd really miss their contributions if they were to stop posting.

If there must be some kind of board merger, I'd much rather see the threads in the Clothing/Fashion board merged into the relevant BBW, GLBTQ or BHM/FFA boards.

And to answer the 2 main questions you raised, Tad, 
1) Yes, while I enjoy certain aspects of the other boards, I probably wouldn't post as much if there were less input from BHMs and other FFAs.
2) Yes, I think new BHMs and FFAs would be less likely to participate. I'm not a BHM obviously, so it's really only speculation on my part that they would be less likely to join the forums if there were no BHM/FFA board; but the rest of the forum seems to be somewhat more BBW-centric to me, and I think there would be very little to draw other FFAs here without it.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 29, 2015)

I really only discovered the BHM/FFA board last year, but it's the main reason I return here every day. I've been around long enough to understand why some of the veterans mourn the lost cameraderie of the old Dims, but I find it is alive and well on BHM/FFA. This is just about the only board (besides Paysites) that gets fresh posts every day; most of the others are lucky to get two or three new posts a week. Surely it would make more sense to deep six the boards with the lowest traffic (including, as far as I'm concerned, the Main Board -- though I suppose that's out of the question ) and keep the ones that people actually post on.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jun 29, 2015)

Short answer: This is my favourite board and I would be sorry to lose it.


I have to admit, this is my favourite board, and if it was merged into the board I would probably participate less. I find the main board is far more reminiscent of hyde park - a lot of emotional drama. Either for/against some big point, or questioning why you would post this on the main board - go away to the lounge! That makes it incredibly difficult to socialize with people except on a 'fetish' or 'silly' level. 

I just want to hang out with other FA and FFA and feel girly/normal, have some intelligent conversation, and grin at the antics of our BHM 

I actually like the FA/FFA board because we can openly talk about the sexual components without making every single post about it. The BHM/FA board feels like hanging out with friends, just banter and fun. Sometimes it can lean towards the sexual aspect, sometimes its just for fun. It encourages me to post without feeling like I have to write an essay, or something much more silly that I may not be in the mood for.

The FFA/BHM board is like a smaller pond they can get their feet wet - and I don't feel like this board kicks out BBW or FA, so there is a bit of a spread (that's just my perception obviously). I personally feel that new members are just discovering their size/predilections. It can be intimidating for people to launch into a big forum with threads everywhere and much more aggressive talk. They also tend to ask the same questions we all did; I feel like we are a lot less likely to tell them to go research threads (which, considering the finicky search engine and the sheer amount of posts, requires a lot more effort and throws up a wall to new members).


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## Amaranthine (Jun 30, 2015)

I agree with everyone else; I think Dims would lose more people by getting rid of BHM/FFA. I think it still has the most defined atmosphere of all the boards and a number of posters rarely post anywhere else. Plus, on a larger scale, the rest of the internet doesn't have much to specifically offer for BHM/FFA. 

And I agree with Xyantha about the vibe of the main board. It does seem to have a bit more drama and I never really care to read many of the threads there. Some do have something good to say about size acceptance issues and have some decent news/articles...but there's too many threads that boil down to huge, lengthy arguments that go absolutely nowhere. I would find it unpleasant if that happened in threads that originally belonged in BHM/FFA. 

As for board merging, it would make sense (to me) to merge forums that are more similar. IE: I don't see why the weight board couldn't a sub of fat sexuality. Similarly to how weight gain is currently a sub of the weight board. The topics discussed aren't that radically different.


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## agouderia (Jun 30, 2015)

I third everything Xyantha and Amaranthine said about the debating culture and atmospheric differences between the boards - and why this merits keeping the BHM/FFA board.



MsBrightside said:


> I would really hate to lose the BHM/FFA board. :sad: It's the main reason why I joined this forum in the first place. To me having fewer boards would just give people fewer options and even less reason to participate. And it seems that a lot of people have left as a result of some unpopular changes around here, so I'm surprised something like this is even being considered.
> 
> Also, the BHM/FFA board has some very unique aspects that would likely be lost in such a merger. IMO there's really no where else where BHMs or FFAs can feel the cameraderie that they do here.
> 
> ...



These aspects resonate particularly with me. 

Not only would the BHMs no longer have a place to go - I wouldn't either (except the Library of course), as I don't really fit the bill of a BBW by local standards. And I can only underline that I also have a problem with how women (BBWs or not) are viewed and addressed on some of the other boards.

There certainly is potential for streamlining the site and merging boards - some ideas were already brought up:

1) Including Fax Sexuality in the Weight Board
2) Turning the WLS Controversy into a sub-forum of Health
3) Have a 'Practical Real Life Pleasures' Board with Fashion, Food and Marketplace (in case you don't go ahead and abolish the latter as it's hardly used anymore) as subforums. 
4) Delete Bash and Event Discussion completely - as they've hardly ever been used.


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## loopytheone (Jun 30, 2015)

I agree with what most of everyone is saying here, I think is BHM/FFA board is an important part of dims. It has its own style of conversation and there are plenty of people who would feel uncomfortable posting on other parts of this website. 

I also agree with Agouderia's suggestions on other boards that it would make more sense to merge. Also, it always struck me as odd and america-centric that the 'Events and Community' boards have half a dozen boards for various parts of north america and then only one for 'europe' and one for 'everywhere else'. Wouldn't it make more sense to combine the american boards like that too, especially as they aren't used that much? Just a thought.


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## fritzi (Jun 30, 2015)

I can only agree with what everybody else said so far.

If it weren't for the BHM/FFA board and the Library, I wouldn't come here at all any more, for all the named reasons.


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## Tad (Jun 30, 2015)

Just to be clear:

- This isn't a proposal, just a hypothetical. I like to question everything from time to time.
- My thoughts were not "meh, we don't need BHM and FFA around here anymore" but rather to do something more like "Do a reverse take-over of the main board, trying to bring the charm and community of the current BHM/FFA board to one general Dimensions board that is clearly labelled as welcoming men and women of all sizes and preferences." Because in my mind this board has become the de facto 'main board' of Dimensions--the place that more people hang out and actually communicate with than anywhere else.
- In this thought experiment, pulling the Lounge into that one main board would possibly also make sense.

I am absolutely NOT intent on bulling ahead with this. I'm just thinking about ways that Dimensions _could _be re-configured, because the current structure has been around for a long time and most likely could be improved upon.

I do appreciate the suggestions of other boards that could be changed.


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## ScreamingChicken (Jun 30, 2015)

agouderia said:


> There certainly is potential for streamlining the site and merging boards - some ideas were already brought up:
> 
> 1) Including Fax Sexuality in the Weight Board


A number of former Dims posters were turned off by the feeder culture here. Rolling that in with fat sexuality in general is like storing TNT next to a crate of matches.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 30, 2015)

ScreamingChicken said:


> A number of former Dims posters were turned off by the feeder culture here. Rolling that in with fat sexuality in general is like storing TNT next to a crate of matches.



That would be perfectly safe, by the way: TNT has to be set off with a detonator. Uh...so I hear.


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## Tad (Jun 30, 2015)

ScreamingChicken said:


> A number of former Dims posters were turned off by the feeder culture here. Rolling that in with fat sexuality in general is like storing TNT next to a crate of matches.



Yah, there was a very early backlash against feeders/encouragers -- the very first board split, before the previous version of these boards even migrated onto the Dimensions site, was to split the one board into a main board and the Weight Board. For fat people coming looking for acceptance and maybe admiration, feeder talk can be very unsettling and even dangerous (resulting in either "great, I'm too fat for most people, and not fat enough for the people here!" or "Wow, people who think I'm sexy and pay me attention finally! They think it is sexy when I gain weight, and this one guy seems really nice and swears he'll come to visit me once I've gained just another thirty pounds....")

It is a tricky issue.


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## agouderia (Jun 30, 2015)

ScreamingChicken said:


> A number of former Dims posters were turned off by the feeder culture here. Rolling that in with fat sexuality in general is like storing TNT next to a crate of matches.



Oh - sorry - wasn't aware that the Fat Sexuality forum was on that dividing line. Then better leave it as such.



Tad said:


> - My thoughts were not "meh, we don't need BHM and FFA around here anymore" but rather to do something more like "Do a reverse take-over of the main board, trying to bring the charm and community of the current BHM/FFA board to one general Dimensions board that is clearly labelled as welcoming men and women of all sizes and preferences." Because in my mind this board has become the de facto 'main board' of Dimensions--the place that more people hang out and actually communicate with than anywhere else.



Reading first ScreamingChickens TNT warning post and then your intentions Tad, along with what we've discussed a bit on the Library threads regarding the differences between FA and FFA writers & readers - I doubt this is possible because we're talking of 2 different levels of interaction here.

People - male and female - come to the BHM/FFA board because of shared interests which lead to an interaction on the basis of mutual adult respect of one another and each others opinions. Even if you don't agree with the other person, you treat them as an equal-ranking peer with a right to their opinion.

That does not seem to work on the other boards:

In Hyde Park you have a clique of people denying each other's right to exist throwing the same old opinions back and forth; incapable of even trying to listen to what any one else is trying to say. (In heretic moments I would actually suggest closing that forum....)

With the FA/feeder crowd (which is directly connected to the paysite question) - I'm sorry to say, but they might get their kinks out of fat and fattening women, but they don't respect them. Some even show a strong misogynist streak in their communication with and about BBWs - which in turn no self-respecting woman will accept and tolerate for long.

Among those 2 sub-groups it seems impossible to establish a level communication field with the fair play you find on the BHM/FFA board.

As always though Tad - I'm in awe of your idealism.


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## ODFFA (Jun 30, 2015)

I, too, would be really bummed to lose the BHM/FFA board. I have by now joined many of the other fat-appreciation websites and I can honestly say this is a very, very unique little corner of the internet. Its relatable culture and wide variation of topics is something special not only within Dims. I feel this pretty strongly as an FFA, and I can imagine possibly feeling it even more if I were a (straight) BHM.

I wonder if it wouldn't also be a good idea to write up a sort of behavioural guideline for newbies to this particular board; make it a sticky? Plenty other forums & sub-forums I've seen have them. I don't think it'd necessarily bring the tone down too much, especially if written well. Perhaps that bit of clarity would make it easier for a complete newcomer to integrate more quickly into our little community and reduce their fear of fumbles; and by implication, entice more folks to actually join in?

(Would be totally willing to participate in the writing of such a guide if people thought it was a good idea.)


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## Durin (Jun 30, 2015)

I think the BHM/FFA board is an important voice that we need to keep.

I know there are other websites/ect but I don't think any provide the space for BHM/FFA that this board and the library provide.

I was never a fan of all the various boards but doing away with this one would be a bad idea.

:doh:


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## LeoGibson (Jun 30, 2015)

Yeah, I think we still need it. I could see folding in or closing some other boards, but for me, this is where I spend the bulk of my time as well as a few others here have posted. It's unique from the others in a lot of ways and I dig that.

Personally I don't give a rat's ass about the size acceptance aspect of this site, there's tons of free porn if you're into that so I have no real need for the paysite section, I like BBW's, but no more or less than any woman of any size as size is pretty far down on my attraction list so I don't identify as an FA. I like Hyde Park in small doses, but I have to fight the urge so hard not to ask some of the people that post there if they really are that stupid and simple-minded which would see me constantly infracted and besides, everything gets turned into hooray for my side and your opinion is wrong and since you don't agree with me you're (insert favorite pejorative here), so I don't post there very much.

This board to me is more like being at a party. You wander into a thread like you would a conversation, sometimes you listen, sometimes you join in. Sometimes the conversation can shift off of its original point and meander into other areas. Thanks to the previous mod and now yourself as well Tad, this has been allowed to occur here on this board without the same heavy-handed approach others take by not allowing the meandering to go on very long before forcing the conversation back to the original point. It always seems to get back there naturally here in time, just like a good party conversation tends to do.

So I guess what I'm saying is that if this particular board wasn't here, I'd probably have no real reason to stick around either. I'd go spend more time on some of my music and songwriting boards I belong to and foist my self-indulgent wankery on their embattled ears!


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## Crumbling (Jun 30, 2015)

I'd hate to see it go.

If it isn't here at at least passing active, people like myself who've come and gone over the years might not stop to check the rest of the board.

Historically we were pretty much ghettoised here, our opinions were not welcome elsewhere on the board, our experiences were deemed irrelevant to the conversation. Even posts to the health board were moved to this board if the poster was male. And when we tried to have those conversations here amongst ourselves we got brigaded and told to suck it up.

When complaints were made, they threatened to get rid of the BHM board altogether.

I'm all for moving the conversation to the main parts of the board, but I suspect if the tide turns again and the board regains popularity, we'll find ourselves, our opinions and experiences stuffed back in this box again.

Or worse yet the box won't be here and we'll just have to get stuffed.


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## bayone (Jul 1, 2015)

I agree with the above posts, and also as a non-BBW FFA, I wouldn't have anywhere to go on this site without this board.


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## lille (Jul 1, 2015)

All I can do is really echo what others have said. As an FFA who is not a BBW I don't quite fit in on most other parts of this forum and I would be much less likely to participate. I occasionally post in other boards, but it's the BHM/FFA board that brings me to Dims in the first place. As others have mentioned, there is a unique feel here that isn't present on other parts of the site and I feel like trying to merge the BHM/FFA board with the main board would destroy that feeling. I feel like this particular board is more laid back than a lot of the other boards, we can have serious discussions but they tend not to get too heated and there's a sense of camaraderie that I don't feel on other boards. Coming here is like coming to your favorite bar. You may not love everyone there but for the most part it's relaxed, fun, and you make friends with the regulars.


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## MrSensible (Jul 1, 2015)

This seems like a good place to end my lengthy hiatus around here. I havent been around the boards -- even lurker wise -- for a long time but after reconnecting with a friend (you know who you are :batting I figured Id see how everyone was doing. Im noticing quite a few changes since I was last here (needing to log in to read posts for one  whats up with that?) and all the spiffy new tags under familiar names.

Anyway, on-topic, I know this is only intended to be a hypothetical but I just wanted to add my name to the list of people who would be upset to see this board essentially lose its identity. Ever since I accidentally stumbled upon this place, it always felt kind of like a sanctuary from the storm for me as a fat guy. It was the one place you could always find someone that related to you and possibly even your struggles in life, as well as those who appreciated you for certain distinguishable traits that you might have otherwise not been very fond of yourself (heh.) Theres also a sense of tight-knit camaraderie here that Ive personally never found on any other board and it would really blow to potentially lose that in the fray of a merger. I wont lie and say Ive never been a little intimidated here from time to time (although I'm sure that's more to do with social anxiety than anything) but Ive met many really terrific people on this board since I originally joined and thats more than I can say about practically any other online environment Ive been a part of. I imagine it would have been considerably harder to coax myself out of my shell on any other dimensions board, so even though I havent been here for a long time, I still greatly appreciate this space and what it represents. Id call it a landmark within Dimensions even.

And hey, where else can a fat guy post pictures of himself in the buff, possibly to the tune of a virtual standing ovation? Id say that alone does a pretty good job at defining why this place is so awesome .

Great to see all of you again :happy:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 3, 2015)

It helped to serve as a type of "catalyst" for some of the other "exclusive" boards. It's gone strong all this time. 

I do believe that this site would simply have less traffic than it already does without it. 

It's interesting to watch the FFAs interact with the guys. It helps me, as a BBW, see a different viewpoint of their male counterparts (FAs). 

I believe that the FFAs help relieve some of the fetish aspect of the whole site (for me anyway, they do) so I would say that this board is a must-have. 

It's also a "woman power" thing to me. It's good for men to be able to see a different view point of women, IMO. It's women on this site here as "admirers" instead of eye candy. (though the FFAs happen to be gorgeous :bow

Bite your tongue, Tad


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## KingBuu (Jul 10, 2015)

I'm not really discouraged to come here, although I can't see it as a dating site either. I'm an agoraphobic but I'm also busy on the computer most of the day with other things. I come here to skim posts I like and see nice pictures of everyone. I find myself more welcome here than before whence I was banned by some previous management. So no I will never stop coming here and posting on occasion.


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## dblbellybhm (Jul 16, 2015)

It would be a shame to see this forum closed. I agree with many of the opinions that have already been posted. I feel that it is one of the more active and interesting boards. As a BHM I feel comfortable here. It is a special niche on the internet.


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## fat hiker (Jul 23, 2015)

agouderia said:


> People - male and female - come to the BHM/FFA board because of shared interests which lead to an interaction on the basis of mutual adult respect of one another and each others opinions. Even if you don't agree with the other person, you treat them as an equal-ranking peer with a right to their opinion.
> 
> That does not seem to work on the other boards:



The degree of respect among people on this board is great, and one of the important reasons to keep this board. I don't follow the main discussion board on the site much, as I find that when BHM concerns are voiced there, there's often some skinny/muscular male FA calling down the BHM who posted, minimising his concerns, or even telling him to lose weight! This board has much more respect between posters.


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## Surlysomething (Jul 30, 2015)

I think it's good just the way it is.

No need to over-think it.


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## dwesterny (Aug 3, 2015)

How about we keep this and lose Hyde Park? Aren't there better boards to fight about politics on the internet? Coming Dims to get into hardcore political discussions is like dressing in a full suit of armor and attacking a hot fudge sunday. I may have stolen that line from Vonnegut.

I'm not actually serious but it does seem silly to get that vitriolic on this site.


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## dwesterny (Nov 25, 2015)

cinnamitch said:


> If you don't like HP don't go. It's not for the weak of stomach thats for sure



Not for the weak of stomach, but for the weak of mind.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Nov 25, 2015)

Uhm. It is a forum here (scroll down)...Where people go to argue pointlessly and be mean to each other? Mostly politics and other issues.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Nov 25, 2015)

Great. Can i suggest you take that thought back to HP as a new thread? Thats probably a more accurate place for that particular convo to take place.


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## Dromond (Nov 25, 2015)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Great. Can i suggest you take that thought back to HP as a new thread? Thats probably a more accurate place for that particular convo to take place.



Thread drift happens. No need to be personal about it.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Nov 25, 2015)

Meant it more specifically as if we are all going to debate HP specifically, it would make sense to do it on HP. Because it is, you know, the debating forum.

This has always been my favourite forum, blondeunicorn. Followed by the lounge. No, wait. Do i like the stories board more? That isn't a forum so much...deserves its own category, methinks


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## Xyantha Reborn (Nov 25, 2015)

Also, he started it. *points at Dwes and wanders off*


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## dwesterny (Nov 25, 2015)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Also, he started it. *points at Dwes and wanders off*



**hides behind a floor lamp**

what? it's a big lamp.


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## loopytheone (Nov 26, 2015)

dwesterny said:


> **hides behind a floor lamp**
> 
> what? it's a big lamp.



...it'd have to be. =p


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## agouderia (Nov 26, 2015)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Meant it more specifically as if we are all going to debate HP specifically, it would make sense to do it on HP. Because it is, you know, the debating forum.



... or if you want to be less euphemistic about it, HP is a sort of political pig pen with lots of mud throwing over fringe issues going on....




Xyantha Reborn said:


> This has always been my favourite forum, blondeunicorn. Followed by the lounge. No, wait. Do i like the stories board more? That isn't a forum so much...deserves its own category, methinks



That was a narrow miss Young Lady! That you of all people would not credit the Library with what it is due.....


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