# Children's eating habits.



## qwerty (Mar 11, 2006)

They had a program about parents letting their toddlers eat what they like on Maury. Just after everyone's opinions...


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## Tina (Mar 11, 2006)

You know, this subject heading could be misleading. Do you mean "feeding" as in, fattening them up? If so, that's sick.

Frankly, the healthiest way with children is to not have junk in the house AT ALL, and to then let them eat what they like. The human body is set up to crave that which is good for us, but through dysfunction those cravings change, and when we have a craving for something sweet, instead of fruit we head for cookies, or whatever. Kids have an innate way of knowing what's best for them when they are offerred healthy choices. Trying to control their food intake is just asking for trouble, and setting them up for a lifetime of problems with food, and possibly eating disorders.


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## BBW Betty (Mar 11, 2006)

I don't think kids should be taught "dieting" at all. They should be encouraged to eat healthy foods, and lots of them so they get the building blocks their bodies need for growth. Should treats be available--heck yeah! But with some light monitoring and guidance so that they don't supplant what is needed. Just my opinion, which I think is fairly moderate.


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## Fuzzy (Mar 11, 2006)

I tend to cook dishes mildly, and then provide hot sauces on the table so kids will be able to eat anything on the table, and I can spice up my portion.
(As a result, when I have visitation, my kids are also using the cayenne pepper sauce. I've corrupted them.  )

Also, I have La Choy Soy, since they might not appreciate a brewed soy like Kikkoman.

And I push the veggie envelope. Meaning, I try to get a widely varied array of veggies and how they're served (steamed, creamed, cheese-d, etc). I was a very picky eater, and I try to remember that as an adult, and prepare veggies in a way that makes them yummy. 

To this day, I still cringe at mushy canned peas.

Oh, and I have lots of treats available. Both of my kids have inherited my "twiggy" genes. They'd have to really abuse the calories (as I have) to override the genes.


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## missaf (Mar 11, 2006)

Imposing feederism on children is disgusting. That's a life choice best made on their own when they're old enough to discern what they want for their own lives.

My son eats every 21/2-3 hours like clockwork. He eats little meals often, which is awesome for his metabolism. He's not overweight, but he's tall and fit for his age-- off the growth chart. I present foods for him to choose from, and he always makes good choices, and asks me which things are healthier and which ones are not. He loves to take care of himself, which is wonderful to see in a kid in this generation.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Mar 11, 2006)

I was having a discussion about this with someone from Dimensions oddly enough. I think it's pretty awful to stuff your kid. You're not fit to be a parent if you're pushing your fetish of overeating off onto a child. It's doing more damage to your child than just getting them fat. Then again, there's nothing terrible about chunky or fat children if they're just that way. My niece is a chunky little monkey, but it's not because she eats sweets; she's just breastfed and her mom is skinny. Plus, who doesn't like fat little babies? They're adorable!


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## missaf (Mar 11, 2006)

I can always tell which babies are breastfed and which aren't because of those CUTE chunky thighs! LOL I've only been wrong once, hehe!

Fat on babies is an incredibly good thing. My nephew is rail thin and they started accusing my sister of not feeding him right. He now hangs out with my son and they have this in bred competition eating thing, and I started giving him avocados for snacks, and he's gained weight and has started growing much taller now that he has more energy reserves to do so.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Mar 11, 2006)

Yeah, she's got the best little roly poly thighs EVER!  

Avocados are so great as far as a healthy snack with good fat, but hey, some kids are just naturally skinny. My second oldest brother weighed the same from age four to six. He's fine now, and a good eater, but some kids just go through a thin period!


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## qwerty (Mar 12, 2006)

I ask, because my daughter is quite overweight, verging on obese, and I'm stuck for ideas. Will she grow out of it? I think one of the problems is I pretty much let her eat what she wants in the house... If it's there, she can have it. She's not going to be able to ride her Dad's pony if she gets much heavier, but at the same time I don't want to restrict her from eating the foods she likes.

Advice please!


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Mar 12, 2006)

qwerty said:


> I ask, because my daughter is quite overweight, verging on obese, and I'm stuck for ideas. Will she grow out of it? I think one of the problems is I pretty much let her eat what she wants in the house... If it's there, she can have it. She's not going to be able to ride her Dad's pony if she gets much heavier, but at the same time I don't want to restrict her from eating the foods she likes.
> 
> Advice please!



You're the parent. Bring healthy foods in and leave junkfoods out. Set the example. Don't worry about her weight; worry about her health. Exercise more with her. Go hiking. Play ball.


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## qwerty (Mar 12, 2006)

Here's the program I was talking about:
http://www.randomimage.us/30310.html?PHPSESSID=59879a3363d1672340a0a442cdf6b74d


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## olivefun (Mar 12, 2006)

Moderation works.
Make sure there are good foods in the house.

Juice and sodas are empty calories.
There is only water or milk to drink in our house. If my child wants a glass of juice at a restaurant or at a friend's house, they must drink a glass of water first. Water is thirst quenching, juice and sweet things are not.

Make sure your child has a healthy attitude about foods. Teach her to enjoy a variety of veggies and fruits that are as close to their natural state as possible. My daughter really loves it when I slice pears up for her when she is doing her homework. 

We've never developed the craving for most junk food.
Cheezies for instance or doritos are things that she likes the novelty of the saltiness but they don't look enough like food for her to want to eat a quantity of that. She doesn't get most junk food. She tasted pop tarts at a friend's house and thought they were too salty and chemical-tasting.

She is 12 and has never tasted coke or pepsi. Now it has become a source of amazement "what do you mean you've never drunk pepsi? want some now??"

I have a goth friend who is totally cool and beautiful looking. She is maybe 35 years old and has never had a sip of alcohol or a puff of a cigarette.
She writes for Rolling Stone Magazine and looks like a rock chick and very cool, so it always makes people raise an eyebrow.

Just make sure that you're not giving mixed messages about how you child looks. I hate the old "you look so good, have you lost weight?" comment.

Keep only healthy snacks in the house.


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## olivefun (Mar 12, 2006)

I just saw the picture.

Poor child.

The parents need to smarten up. 
A 5 year old is not educated to make decisions about her diet.
What a sad thing this is.

Don't watch Maury. So many sad stories. Fill your house and your mind with positive healing things. Oprah at least is educated and positive


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## Miss Vickie (Mar 12, 2006)

If you daughter is under 10, then this is the time when you have the most control over her eating habits. Use that power and control. The way we did it was to enforce limits. Mealtimes were at such and such, and there was no eating for an hour before meals (exceptions would be made but only for things like just coming in from playing and being STARVING -- then they could have a small snack while I cooked dinner). We also didn't have junk in the house. Everything was pretty "real" -- fruit, cheese, veggies, whole grain cereal and crackers, stuff like that. We'd occasionally have chips and stuff in the house, and there was always candy at Halloween and Easter, and we baked so we'd have cookies sometimes, but it was the exception rather than the rule.

Now that my kids are teens, I have absolutely NO control over their eating. They get soda pop at school, they can leave campus for lunch (and they do), and their diets are pretty awful, though better than most teens, I think. My daughters still like salads and when we eat out, it's not fast food. We have chips and stuff in the house, but more often than not, they'll go stale before being eaten. (This used to bug me but now I realize it's a good thing, right?)

So qwerty, I think you need to enforce some good eating limits for your kid. This isn't dieting -- this is parenting. And this has nothing to do with weight loss -- this is just making sure your kid's getting at least some good nutrition. But in order for it to work, you have to a) role model good behavior by not eating junk in front of your kid, and b) keep the sugar laden stuff to a minimum.

Good luck! Oh and if your daughter is of an age to help with cooking, by all means, get her involved. The way my kids became truly excited about eating healthy foods was first of all, when we had a garden and they could eat veggies off the vine, and second, when I involved them with cooking. Now that I work crazy hours (night shift) they can cook their own dinners and for the most part they do pretty well.


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## AnnMarie (Mar 12, 2006)

olivefun said:


> Oprah at least is educated and positive



Not to get completely off topic, but Oprah is the woman who goes on and on about how fat people are fat because they are hiding emotional issues and/or abuse by covering it with food. That is neither an educated nor positive outlook, and while it may be true for some, it's completely irresponsible to assume it's that way for all.


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## olivefun (Mar 12, 2006)

Point well taken.

I shouldn't have said that. 
I have not seen much of Oprah's shows dealing with issues of fat. I applaud her humanitarian efforts and my view that she isn't as biased and sensationalist as some of the other shows isn't based on anything real.

Her motivations seem to be alright for the most part..

Thanks for the education Ann Marie


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## Tina (Mar 12, 2006)

I confess (hey, maybe this should be in the Confessions thread!) I read Oprah's magazine. There's a lot of great stuff in there. But I totally agree with you, AM, when it comes to discussion of weight on her shows. Just because *she* feels her weight issues stem from emotional issues, that doesn't mean everyone's do. And while Dr. Phil can really get it right with some relationship stuff, I hate his manner when talking weight, too. 

So while I read the mag, and I appreciate all of Oprah's humanitarian/altruistic stuff greatly, I won't watch the show.


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## olivefun (Mar 12, 2006)

The cooking thing is great.

My daughter has been "cooking" every wednesday night since she was about 5. Sometimes it was just celery with cream cheese and little raisins on it...

It was a shift in our balance of power, and it forced her to take an interest in making something lovely for the 2 of us to enjoy together.

It now is a source of self esteem to be able to make pizza in front of her friends. The pride they show is fantastic.

We live in an italian neighbourhood and get the dough in every local bakery on every corner. She rolls out the dough and the kids put the stuff on it. They made tons of mistakes (like cooking it on the cutting board..) but all in all, way worth the effort.


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## Tina (Mar 12, 2006)

I tend to think if a child is that big at that age, there must be something wrong with her medically.


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## olivefun (Mar 12, 2006)

Medical or not, the mother (or parents) have to be blamed for not watching out for the child's welfare. 
The context is that it is a show about allowing children to eat what they please. 

I have not watched the show, but if she is willing to appear on a show with that title, then you have to wonder. 

If it is a medical condition, where are the parents, as advocates, ensuring the child is getting the appropriate care? 

We as parents have to watch our children. 

If an adult wants to make informed (or even uninformed) decisions about potential or perceived risks, that is different after we pass the age of concent. 

Children must be protected.


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## RedHead (Mar 12, 2006)

Tina, I would have to agree with you here. I actually knew of a child that died from a metobolic disorder that did not allow her to ever feel full. She would literally eat herself to death if given the chance. The parents had to keep locks on refrigerators, cupboards...everything. She finally died at 8 due to her little body just stopping because of the weight. She was probably about 300lbs when she died.

But I also see so much awesome advice from all you GREAT Moms!!!

I really like the "fixing dinner together thing...unfortunately my 15 year old thinks/believes he can live on mashed potato's and gravy and it is the only food group e needs to worry about!


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## Tina (Mar 12, 2006)

Taters and gravy *is* darned good! But yeah.

How sad about that little girl. I have read stories about parents who have to put locks on cabinets and the fridge because their children have that disorder (that I cannot think of the name for right now). No one wants to feel hungry all the time, and it's even harder when you're a child and don't know how to handle it.


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## Emma (Mar 12, 2006)

prader willis or something?


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## RedHead (Mar 12, 2006)

Em, I really don't recall. I went to High School with the Mom and we met by chance again at the store. We hung out a little; but the little girl just consumed so much of her energy she just couldn't function. Her marriage also dissolved because of the stresses.


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## Miss Vickie (Mar 12, 2006)

olivefun said:


> The cooking thing is great.
> 
> My daughter has been "cooking" every wednesday night since she was about 5. Sometimes it was just celery with cream cheese and little raisins on it...
> 
> ...



See? Isn't that cool? It takes a fair amount of time to teach a kid to cook but in the long run it saves a lot of time. These days, if I'm working and my daughters say they want a particular dish, I can give them a copy of the recipe and let them go to town.  Or if I'm home, we work together and it goes a lot more quickly, especially the chopping and mincing, which I hate.


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## olivefun (Mar 12, 2006)

Miss Vickie said:


> See? Isn't that cool? It takes a fair amount of time to teach a kid to cook but in the long run it saves a lot of time. These days, if I'm working and my daughters say they want a particular dish, I can give them a copy of the recipe and let them go to town.  Or if I'm home, we work together and it goes a lot more quickly, especially the chopping and mincing, which I hate.



I love that miss vicky, they feel good for being able to do something for you, I am sure.
Being able to make something wonderful for someone you love is the best and this has got to make them feel more powerful.

For years, I used to work for a huge dot com company. The majority of the staff were very young people that had no idea about cooking and went to the golden arches *several times every single day.* In the kitchen there was a huge variety of breakfast cereals.. This was the only "food" these people knew how to prepare for themselves. 

Sometimes I would make a huge vat of soup in there, and they would marvel at the alchemy, the smells, the simplicity of it all. 

Teaching kids how to cook gives them an awareness of nutrition and economics and cultural influences. It is fantastic for opening up their world for so many reasons. 
:eat2: 

It is a pity that kids aren't taught more about healthy meal preparation.


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## qwerty (Mar 13, 2006)

Tina said:


> I tend to think if a child is that big at that age, there must be something wrong with her medically.



I thought that there might be something medically wrong with my child - e.g. slow metabolism etc. so I took her to my local GP who couldn't find anything wrong...
I guess she's just exercising too little and eating too much, which is odd. She rides her Dad's pony - which is meant to be really good for raising your heartrate - and she does that nearly every weekend. I also don't keep too much crap in the house... apart from mummy's little stash! lol
Regards


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## qwerty (Mar 13, 2006)

I know Tina that you were talking about the Maury child aswell -


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## Tad (Mar 13, 2006)

....to compare and contrast how we talk about our children's eating, and our own childhood memories, such as the "Mothers, Daughters, and Obesity" thread on this board. 

The good news is that the posters here are really pretty good with their advice (and probably better than Maury!), suggesting such things as learning to cook together. On the other hand, there is still that undertone that if your kid is fat, you are doing something wrong. In some cases I think that is how the child is meant to be. Not that you'll ever get society at large to believe this.

In my case we are lucky, despite two overweight (well, according to the charts I should say 'obese') parents, our son has barely any fat on him. Not that we can claim any great credit, he is just naturally extremely active. The only time he sits still is when reading, and even then he's apt to be in some odd position which cannot be overly restful. He eats a lot compared to most kids, but he burns it all up, and again we're lucky in that he likes broccoli and cauliflower and tofu and a lot of healthy stuff that you couldn't force down most kids' throats. (before anyone gets too envious, that 'never sits still' creates its own challenges.....)

Regards;

-Ed


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## qwerty (Mar 13, 2006)

Ed, you're really lucky! Even though I would consider my daughter to be moderately active, she is touching the void of obesity. Obviously I don't want her to become obese at her age, but I'm not sure whether I should share my concern with her...

Regards,
Helen


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## missaf (Mar 13, 2006)

Never sitting still, always hungry, oh boy do I understand that one, Ed!

For what it's worth, you may think you kid is eating healthy but there are additives in food that some people believe contribute to obesity, especially in people who are sensitive to them, like MSG, hGH, and others. For instance, some believe that we should not eat dairy. We are the only mammals on earth who eat milk after toddlerhood. Others believe that MSG put into foods under stealth labels contributes to weight gain in children.

If your daughter is overweight, and you're not getting help from the medical community, it's time to both SHOW her how to eat by changing your diets at home, and show her how to take care of herself. There might be something medically wrong, but it's the parent's job to find out what, by a process of elimination through diet, activity, and good old maternal instinct.


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## olivefun (Mar 13, 2006)

If one doctor doesn't give your concerns the right amount of attention, tell him so, see if you can enlist them. Tell them what you are thinking and maybe they have other suggestions, or a specialist that your child could consult.


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## Miss Vickie (Mar 13, 2006)

olivefun said:


> It is a pity that kids aren't taught more about healthy meal preparation.



You're probably too young to remember the days when girls would get home ec, but it was really something. (cringing) And it hasn't gotten any better, but at least girls can take shop now. My kids had to carry around a "baby" that cried, goo'd and wet its nappy but they weren't really taught much, if anything, about nutrition other than "Milk. It does a body good."  

I'm just lucky that my husband knows a lot about nutrition, and has studied it for many years because it's something of a hobby of his. As a result, it's something we talk about a lot, so the kids have kind of picked it up by osmosis (something else we talk about -- we're just a bunch o' geeks). They still like to eat junk, but at least they KNOW to get some good protein at every meal, how good complex carbs are, the importance of fiber, naturally colorful foods, etc. 

And for me it really doesn't have a lot to do with how skinny or fat my kids are, but how well they are meeting their nutritional needs. I figure that genetically, since their parents are big, that they are likely to be big as well. But I'd at least like them to be nourished sufficiently to decrease their risks of certain diseases like cancer, diabetes and the like. So far, my kids are thinner than I was at their age; however, Burtimus, my sweetie, was rail thin until his mid 20's, when his metabolism came to a screeching halt. He eats half as much now as he did then, and yet weighs twice as much. Go figure.

And yeah, Olive, isn't it funny, the magic of cooking?  I love feeding people. I just wish I had the time to cook more often.


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## Tina (Mar 13, 2006)

qwerty said:


> I thought that there might be something medically wrong with my child - e.g. slow metabolism etc. so I took her to my local GP who couldn't find anything wrong...
> I guess she's just exercising too little and eating too much, which is odd. She rides her Dad's pony - which is meant to be really good for raising your heartrate - and she does that nearly every weekend. I also don't keep too much crap in the house... apart from mummy's little stash! lol
> Regards



Well, as we know here some are just meant to be fat, and that's it. All you can do is encourage her to eat healthy foods and keep getting exercise. But really, I know how hard it is as a parent of a fat child to see them being marginalized and teased by those around them.


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## qwerty (Mar 13, 2006)

olivefun said:


> If one doctor doesn't give your concerns the right amount of attention, tell him so, see if you can enlist them. Tell them what you are thinking and maybe they have other suggestions, or a specialist that your child could consult.



The doctor was pretty useless. He was verging on insulting aswell. He took her measurements, and did a body fat test using calipers. He told her she was severely overweight, and I didn't think he said it in a very nice way. Although to be perfectly frank I wasn't expecting her to be 134lbs... Still, I think the doctor should've spoken to me privately, and suggested sensible progress steps, instead of suggesting to "go on a diet". Maybe I'll consult another doctor.


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## olivefun (Mar 13, 2006)

qwerty said:


> The doctor was pretty useless. He was verging on insulting aswell. He took her measurements, and did a body fat test using calipers. He told her she was severely overweight, and I didn't think he said it in a very nice way. Although to be perfectly frank I wasn't expecting her to be 134lbs... Still, I think the doctor should've spoken to me privately, and suggested sensible progress steps, instead of suggesting to "go on a diet". Maybe I'll consult another doctor.


 

Reading about this really makes me angry! 
Don't doctors understand how damaging that could be to a little person ? 
...or a big one for that matter! 

I wish people in positions of power would be taught to think before speaking. 
Sorry your child had to endure that kind of indignity. 
I wish I could say it was a once-off experience in her life.


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## qwerty (Mar 13, 2006)

I thought it was entirely unprofessional, and the way he said it made my blood boil! He made me think of it as my fault, and maybe it is? I mean the more I think about it, the more I'm disgusted with myself... and that doctor...

luckily my daughter didn't seem very hurt by his comments. But you never know, this could lead to something like anorexia in the future.


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## Lear (Mar 13, 2006)

I'm naturally heavy set, but quite a bit of it is muscle, alot of doctors or teachers don't think about that when they make those nice snide comments about weight. In high school I could beat my Gym teacher in the 100 yards, even though I was quite a bit heavier then he was.

As far as cooking goes, that's a great skill, I wish I had the money to buy some good stuff, I've been living on ramen and fried rice for a few weeks now. I generally cook asian dishes , but this is probably part of being a Japanophile (loves/addicted to all things Japanese/asian) and a graphics student. Generally I eat fairly well balenced meals though, they just require money I haven't had. Also, I practice with my sword daily in the field behind my dorm, my practice area looks like a crop circle from a plane...

>Stupid Fact<
There is an asian resturant within one mile of every college's Computer Sci. Department.
>/Stupid Fact<


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## Miss Vickie (Mar 13, 2006)

qwerty said:


> I thought it was entirely unprofessional, and the way he said it made my blood boil! He made me think of it as my fault, and maybe it is? I mean the more I think about it, the more I'm disgusted with myself... and that doctor...
> 
> luckily my daughter didn't seem very hurt by his comments. But you never know, this could lead to something like anorexia in the future.



Aw, I'm so sorry that doctor made you feel bad.  I'd definitely switch doctors, if you're not comfortable with the level of help you're getting from him. I mean if the medical community is truly concerned about obesity among children (as they claim to be) then this is clearly not the way to go about it. Personally, I think it would be great for you ALL to see a nutritionist so that you ALL can learn to eat better (if you're not already -- and everybody can clean up their act at least a little, right?) I really don't think the child should be singled out as "having a problem" but more like "Well, we all need to eat better so let's make some better choices, try some new recipes", stuff like that.

And she should probably have some bloodwork done, just to be sure that there's not an underlying condition (hypothyroidism starts early in some kids). But that's just me talking out my butt, not knowing your situation, so take what I say with a big ol' bag of salt.

But most importantly? If you're not happy with the care you're getting, look elsewhere. That's my best advice. 

Good luck!


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## Tad (Mar 13, 2006)

I would worry more about health than weight. 

How healthy are her habits? How long does she spend each day in front of the computer or TV? When going somewhere, does she expect to get driven everywhere, or is she willing to walk for half an hour? On a daily basis how often does she choose physically active ways to amuse herself? How is she at choosing healthy snacks versus others? Does she have a good rythm on her eating, so that she has meals big enough to last her through until the next meal? Does she know much about what is an appropriate size serving for her? Does she eat her vegetables before filling up on the starches?

Of course, what you'd expect here depends somewhat on her age. What you expect of a four year old is different than an eight year old than a 12 year old. 

Anyway, overall I agree with everyone who said that any action you take should be things that you do with her, not do to her. You can all eat better, discuss food choices more, walk more, etc, and she will probably enjoy that. If you just tell her "you do this" then, well, good chance of doing as much harm as good I think.

Best of luck--this parenting thing ain't always easy!

Regards;

-Ed


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## qwerty (Mar 13, 2006)

edx said:


> I would worry more about health than weight.
> 
> How healthy are her habits? How long does she spend each day in front of the computer or TV? When going somewhere, does she expect to get driven everywhere, or is she willing to walk for half an hour? On a daily basis how often does she choose physically active ways to amuse herself? How is she at choosing healthy snacks versus others? Does she have a good rythm on her eating, so that she has meals big enough to last her through until the next meal? Does she know much about what is an appropriate size serving for her? Does she eat her vegetables before filling up on the starches?
> 
> ...




Ed, 
Let me try and answer all of these questions! Right, I would think her habits were quite healthy, she spends quite a lot of time on weekdays in front of the tv while I'm at work. At the weekends when she stays with her Dad she rides his pony (although he's worried about her being too heavy for it) and they go out and do father/daughter things. On a daily basis, excluding weekends, I would have to say she doesn't choose much physical activity. She used to go swimming but the bullying put a stop to that, and the only time she snacks is when I'm out of the house. I make sure she eats three proper meals, but snacks I let her choose, because I'm not there. Finally, she's 9 years of age and 4'11-12.

Phew, got through it!
Regards


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## missaf (Mar 13, 2006)

If a normal doctor is no help, does she see a pediatrician? Perhaps call some pedis in your area and ask to interview the doctor and bring up this issue before brining your daughter to see them?

Would your insurance cover seeing an endocrinologist, maybe? I mean, what if she has thyroid issues, or something like it? I think all medical options should be exhausted before even thinking of something else.

On the other hand, qwerty, it sounds like she's at home alone while you're at work, or is there someone with her? The first thing that struck me was that you said she snacks alot when you're not there-- that rings warning bells for emotional eating.


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## mouse (Mar 13, 2006)

qwerty:
I agree re: emotional eating (or perhaps bored eating). That could definitely play a factor.
As an extremely avid horsebackrider, I agree that it is a great workout, especially for toning and building core muscles, and does get your heartrate up. However it is not enough, in my opinion. I ride approximately 6 days a week, and still try to do some cross training. It doesn't benefit where a high cardiac workout would.
I'm in college, so still fairly young, and people never see me as I see myself (unfortunately I am still dealing with some self image issues, even though I rarely had anyone comment on my size). And muscle makes you broader (and weigh more of course), however I'm sure you realize what is muscle and what is fat on your daughter  
I was also a fatter child (never obese, always very in shape) and I had a doctor who basically told me the same thing (I had back problems).
It hurt me, but I was always aware of my weight.
I'm still solid, but within my okay "fat" range... which is important to me and my athletics.
I would recommend getting her involved in a team sport. Her age is that where a lot of kids are just learning, so it shouldn't be too embarrassing that way. Swimming is super, but if that doesn't work... Things like soccer, volleyball, etc.
It's a fun way to stay in shape, and I find more easy to get motivated by a team! And in these things it's not that important to be skinny (not in many really) but, you wear a jersey, you know... helps deal with the stigma of it?
Especially if she can brush off the comments at first (hard I know!), she will become respected as a person, and an athlete, and people will start thinking about other things than her weight.
I don't mean to harp on playing sports, but it really is fun and super for you, and can lead to developing some super skills overall (control, teamwork, etc).
How much does your daughter weigh?
And also how big is this pony? And what type? Ponies are usually hardy little creatures....  
It's super that she enjoys that, but hopefully her weight comes under control because realizing you are too "heavy" (not big, but just heavy due to being overweight) can be a real blow to the ego.
Best of luck and hope this made sense! I tend to ramble.


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## qwerty (Mar 14, 2006)

Mouse,
I dropped the pony into conversation when I took her to school yesterday. Apparently it is a 41" Shetland Standard. Does that make sense? It's all mumbo jumbo to me! 
And as I mentioned before, my daughter was 134lbs when we saw the useless doctor.

Thanks


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## Emma (Mar 14, 2006)

I was a fat kid. I was a fat kid who had a mother that was obsessed with me being fat and the amount of food I had. I was a fat kid that didn't eat very much. I had sweets once a week, never anything fried, and only healthy food. If I had a school dinner (she didn't let me be on them for long) then I wouldn't be allowed to eat again that day. If I was on packed lunches then I'd have a 1 slice of bread sandwhich, an orange and a diet yogart. Then I'd be allowed a sandwhich or a light meal in the evening. I was very active but I was still a fat kid. 
Maybe it's not the food that you are giving her and her exercise rate that is wrong. Maybe it's her hormones. I think it was mine to be honest. There's no way I was eating too much. Yet I was a fat kid.


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## Tad (Mar 14, 2006)

qwerty said:


> I would think her habits were quite healthy, she spends quite a lot of time on weekdays in front of the tv while I'm at work. At the weekends when she stays with her Dad she rides his pony (although he's worried about her being too heavy for it) and they go out and do father/daughter things. On a daily basis, excluding weekends, I would have to say she doesn't choose much physical activity. She used to go swimming but the bullying put a stop to that, and the only time she snacks is when I'm out of the house. I make sure she eats three proper meals, but snacks I let her choose, because I'm not there. Finally, she's 9 years of age and 4'11-12.



Hi again, a couple of quick thoughts:

1) You might want to check out this on line weight percentile calculator, at: 
http://www.halls.md/body-mass-index/bmi.htm

If you enter in her age, height, and weight, it will show basically where she is on weight adjusted for height compared to other girls her age. This might be useful information for both of you. (and one more additional thought--I seem to recall reading somewhere that on average puberty hits at around 110 pounds, so even if she is just 9 years old she could be hitting that puberty-hormones driven spurt in growth and fat accumulation).

2) She is probably old enough that you can learn some stuff with her, and she can learn to make better choices. For example, work with her to learn what the recommended amounts of fats, fibre, and vitamins a day are for a girl her age, and get her to start looking at her snacks for how they fit into this. Don't impose stuff on her, but start making her aware of these things.

Best of luck!

-Ed


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## qwerty (Mar 14, 2006)

Edx,
I visited that website that you gave me - and it says that she has a BMI of 27.1
Now, I didn't think that was obese... I thought over 30 was obese. Although, in the Body Description it says she is obese...?!

I'm quite worried now... and upset that I let her get like this.


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## Miss Vickie (Mar 14, 2006)

qwerty said:


> Edx,
> I visited that website that you gave me - and it says that she has a BMI of 27.1
> Now, I didn't think that was obese... I thought over 30 was obese. Although, in the Body Description it says she is obese...?!
> 
> I'm quite worried now... and upset that I let her get like this.



Well, getting upset now won't do any good; none of us are perfect parents, and we would all change certain things about how we have parented our kids. (Hindsight is 20/20 and all that, right?) My advice is to channel that passion into making family-wide changes in diet and getting everyone involved in some sort of movement every day. And again, if you didn't get any help from that doctor (and by help I mean realistic ideas about what you can do as a family, after a careful examination including blood work, and something that involves a nutritionist) then find a different doctor. You need a good medical team to partner with you in this long term endeavor.


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## qwerty (Mar 14, 2006)

I just never thought my daughter would become obese. I of course have no problem with her choosing to be bigger when she's older, but while she's developing I was not about to let her become obese. Puppy fat is one thing, obesity is another. I just feel ashamed and damned. And what kind of example am I setting?


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## Emma (Mar 14, 2006)

you could go over to www.blubberbusters.com there's stuff there for the kids and stuff there for the adults.


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## Tad (Mar 14, 2006)

qwerty said:


> Edx,
> I visited that website that you gave me - and it says that she has a BMI of 27.1
> Now, I didn't think that was obese... I thought over 30 was obese. Although, in the Body Description it says she is obese...?!
> 
> I'm quite worried now... and upset that I let her get like this.



First of all, I agree with Vicki--getting upset won't help anything.

Second, about "obese" you do realize that this is all a matter of definition, right? For adults they've generally settled on a BMI of 30 to mean obese, in kids the line is somewhat lower (kids are naturally lighter for the same height than adults are). 

Third, did you look at the percentile? I had to go dig through the posts, but I think I used the same height and weight that you did as I got the same BMI. And for a nine year old girl, it says that she is in the 83rd percentile. In other words, about 82% of girls her age are thinner than she is, but at the same time, about 17% are heavier (compared to height) than she is. This based on the most recent data for american kids that the site could get, but it is still several years old, and based an anecdotal evidence if anything I'd think an even larger portion are bigger now. For what it is worth, a 34 year old woman who stood 5'4" with a weight of 200 pounds would be in the 83rd percentile for her height and age--just to give you a feel for this (that 34 year old woman would be a much higher BMI than your daughter, but 34 year olds are generally fatter than 9 year olds).

So she is in the fattest 1/6 of the population. As a parent I can understand why you would be concerned, but at the same time.....I don't think this is that big of a deal. She is on the fat side, but if she is otherwise healthy and happy, well, maybe she'll just be a happy healthy woman who happens to be in the larger sixth of the population. Almost the best way to make her fatter is to get her started on the diet yo-yo, so I think getting freaked is probably the last thing you want to do.

-Ed


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## qwerty (Mar 14, 2006)

edx said:


> First of all, I agree with Vicki--getting upset won't help anything.
> 
> Second, about "obese" you do realize that this is all a matter of definition, right? For adults they've generally settled on a BMI of 30 to mean obese, in kids the line is somewhat lower (kids are naturally lighter for the same height than adults are).
> 
> ...




Ed,
I'm worried not only for her health, but if she keeps going like this then she'll have to stop doing things she enjoys. That's what I find disheartening. :doh:


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## Miss Vickie (Mar 14, 2006)

So how are we to believe any of this is true, given what Em has found out about you? I've spent a fair amount of time, trying to come up with ideas of helping your child. Is there really a child, or are you playing some kind of sick game?


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## Miss Vickie (Mar 14, 2006)

edx said:


> She is on the fat side, but if she is otherwise healthy and happy, well, maybe she'll just be a happy healthy woman who happens to be in the larger sixth of the population. Almost the best way to make her fatter is to get her started on the diet yo-yo, so I think getting freaked is probably the last thing you want to do.
> 
> -Ed



I agree with you, particularly about the freaking thing. However, in another thread (I think?) qwerty said something about her kid requiring a buggy or scooter sometimes. I think that, barring any kind of true disability, a kid should be able to move their own body weight. So if her weight is contributing to a lack of mobility (and by definition then a lack of fitness, cardiovascular and otherwise) then it's a problem and should be taken seriously, particularly if it's just an issue of cutting the junk out of the diet and moving more.

OTOH, we now know that much, if not all, of this was made up, because of his/her/its insecurities. So I'm not even sure there is a kid, let alone a pony.  

Oh what a tangled web we weave...


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## qwerty (Mar 14, 2006)

You have a good memory Vick, you are indeed correct. My daughter occcasionally needs a buggy because she has a back condition. This is not caused by excess weight, but on the otherhand the excess does hinder the problem somewhat.

Sorry for lying in other threads,
qwerty


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## Miss Vickie (Mar 14, 2006)

I'm sorry, qwerty, but I can't believe anything you have to say.

Good luck with your "daughter".


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## qwerty (Mar 14, 2006)

Vickie, 
I completely understand. Although this thread is true, other have been wayward to say the least.
Sorry for being an arse.

qwerty


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## Emma (Mar 14, 2006)

qwerty said:


> Vickie,
> I completely understand. Although this thread is true, other have been wayward to say the least.
> Sorry for being an arse.
> 
> qwerty



Ohhh you're English too?


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## qwerty (Mar 14, 2006)

Yeah. Land of the brave and all of that! lol


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## missaf (Mar 14, 2006)

qwerty said:


> Yeah. Land of the brave and all of that! lol



Except you'd like us to think you're in the land of liars, which I believe whole heartedly.

/ignore


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