# Gaining for love



## sophie lou (Jan 29, 2013)

Just a curious post. I was wondering are there many people here who have gained or are gaining for somone they love. Would you gain more if your partner asked you to


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## bobsjers (Jan 29, 2013)

sophie lou said:


> Just a curious post. I was wondering are there many people here who have gained or are gaining for somone they love. Would you gain more if your partner asked you to



Gaining for someone else is not a good idea. Too many times either the person has been dumped, and left fatter than they want to be, or they don't like being fat and resent the person who encouraged them.


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## fiddypence (Jan 29, 2013)

Well, I would definitely gain weight if my wife wanted that. I don't think that "gaining for love" is a bad thing. My wife is gaining weight because she loves me. On the other hand if anyone ever says "if you really loved me, you'd gain x pounds", that's just emotional abuse, not love.

So don't gain weight for emotional abuse.


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## ClashCityRocker (Jan 30, 2013)

fiddypence said:


> Well, I would definitely gain weight if my wife wanted that. I don't think that "gaining for love" is a bad thing. My wife is gaining weight because she loves me. On the other hand if anyone ever says "if you really loved me, you'd gain x pounds", that's just emotional abuse, not love.
> 
> So don't gain weight for emotional abuse.



truth. i'd never ask a significant other to gain...it's a pretty serious undertaking and i can't imagine a person doing so if not of their own accord. letting a partner know of your preference is the best bet, and who knows, they might end up packing on the pounds because they weren't aware that they had the option. seems as though it might be something of a relief to hear "eat what you want and be happy" as opposed to "stay in shape because i only find you attractive as you are now." if they choose not to gain, so what? you found them attractive at their current size/weight, and that won't change just because they don't feel like putting on extra weight.


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## sophie lou (Feb 3, 2013)

I'm not sure if I could or not. I did think there might be quite a few people who have done or are thinking about it. I suppose I should have added the question have you asked anyone to gain for you too


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## FatAndProud (Feb 4, 2013)

That's the only way I'd prefer to gain  it makes everything more pleasurable!


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## Azrael (Feb 4, 2013)

Yea, I'm vehemently opposed to the whole notion.

Either you gain for yourself or not at all.
It is your property do to it what you want, not want someone else wants or to please someone else.


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## tjw1971 (Feb 4, 2013)

How many people out there go on diets primarily to please their significant other? I'm not really trying to debate this topic one way or the other.... but just thinking it probably happens a lot and few people would find fault with it.




Azrael said:


> Yea, I'm vehemently opposed to the whole notion.
> 
> Either you gain for yourself or not at all.
> It is your property do to it what you want, not want someone else wants or to please someone else.


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## fiddypence (Feb 4, 2013)

Azrael said:


> Yea, I'm vehemently opposed to the whole notion.
> 
> Either you gain for yourself or not at all.
> It is your property do to it what you want, not want someone else wants or to please someone else.



No (wo)man is an island, especially in a close relationship. My wife wants to gain weight for me because she knows I'll like it. Do you think that's wrong?


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## cubex89 (Feb 4, 2013)

I'd gain as much weight as my lover wanted me too. She's just too shy to ask or say anything, she gained nearly 100 pounds because she thought I'd like it.


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## Azrael (Feb 4, 2013)

tjw1971 said:


> How many people out there go on diets primarily to please their significant other? I'm not really trying to debate this topic one way or the other.... but just thinking it probably happens a lot and few people would find fault with it.





fiddypence said:


> No (wo)man is an island, especially in a close relationship. My wife wants to gain weight for me because she knows I'll like it. Do you think that's wrong?



I'd disagree with both of these positions.

It's the individual's body, it's their choice.
I don't think you should change your body to please someone elses fetish but some people will willing do that to themselves.

I say this, yet I'm a feeder.

The idea that someone else would purposely gain weight in order to do so simply so that *I* can get off and for *my* sexual pleasure frankly bugs the hell out of me.

They should do it for themselves, not for me.

This of course means that I'm very limited when it comes to expressing feedism if I choose to express it at all.

I will never tell a women that she should gain weight for me.
And I would also hope in the possibility of having a partner who shares the same kink, although that may not be a necessity nor possibility.

----

I'm also sure that you're aware that there's a possibility that your wife might get uncomfortable with the weight she gained and try and reverse course, I would hope you accept that as a possible outcome and be willing to support her throughout the entire thing.


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## fiddypence (Feb 4, 2013)

Azrael, I think your default "do no harm" position is great and probably a good guide. But it's ok to go after what you want.



Azrael said:


> I'd disagree with both of these positions.



Curious what part of my post you disagreed with. You quoted a statement about my wife's gain, a clarifying question and a general musing about the human condition and said you disagreed. You think that some people are just loners and can/should derive their happiness, thinking only about themselves? Or do you disagree with my wife's decision? Or....?



Azrael said:


> It's the individual's body, it's their choice.
> I don't think you should change your body to please someone elses fetish but some people will willing do that to themselves.


What if you want to? What if your s/o, someone you had made a commitment to, said they like men with beards or no beards or shaved legs. What about gauges or tattoos (or no tattoos). Or any other way you could change your appearance. You shouldn't do it, because you wouldn't have if your partner didn't suggest it?

Not to belabor the point, but if your girlfriend/boyfriend came to you and said, "can you wear this fedora?, it will make me go mad with passion." You would say, "No, I'm sorry, perhaps you should find someone else that shares your fedora fetish".

In any case, as you said, it's the individual's body, it's their choice. That seems to go against this part.



Azrael said:


> The idea that someone else would purposely gain weight in order to do so simply so that *I* can get off and for *my* sexual pleasure frankly bugs the hell out of me.



and this part...


Azrael said:


> They should do it for themselves, not for me.


who are you to tell this person what they should or shouldn't do? Are you saying that people shouldn't do things for other? Surely this isn't what you are saying.



Azrael said:


> This of course means that I'm very limited when it comes to expressing feedism if I choose to express it at all.
> 
> I will never tell a women that she should gain weight for me.
> And I would also hope in the possibility of having a partner who shares the same kink, although that may not be a necessity nor possibility.



Are you in the habit of telling women what they "should" do? Probably not, right?
You probably just ask nicely, this need be no different.

It's unfair to make people guess what you want. Let me tell you, you just never know what someone might say until you ask



Azrael said:


> I'm also sure that you're aware that there's a possibility that your wife might get uncomfortable with the weight she gained and try and reverse course, I would hope you accept that as a possible outcome and be willing to support her throughout the entire thing.



With every pound gained, every pair of jeans struggled into, every time she looks at a fb photo, laughing and says "wow, I look huge", I always say.

"Just so you know, you can stop now, you can lose weight, I'll love you all the same" and I mean it, because I love my wife.


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## Mack27 (Feb 5, 2013)

As long as people make their own choices and everyone is clear from the beginning I don't see the problem. My girlfriend knew I was a feeder before we started our relationship. I told her from day one that it wasn't going away, that part of me would always want her to gain. She does get turned on by me feeding her, she does not get turned on by weight gain. I could see her gaining to please me because she loves me. But really I think if she gains it will be because she has a built-in excuse in me to not worry so much about her weight and she enjoys me feeding her. But if she did decide on her own to gain its her choice and no one else's.


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## nikola090 (Feb 5, 2013)

I'm always been slim and no way it could be natural for me gain.
But I'd love if a future my girl, being herself big, want to make me gain a bit. Could be a new situation.


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## Azrael (Feb 5, 2013)

fiddypence said:


> Azrael, I think your default "do no harm" position is great and probably a good guide. But it's ok to go after what you want.



Oh I'm going after what I want when I'm ready but I'm not going to have someone sacrifice their body for my fetish, I'm not fond of that.




fiddypence said:


> Curious what part of my post you disagreed with. You quoted a statement about my wife's gain, a clarifying question and a general musing about the human condition and said you disagreed. You think that some people are just loners and can/should derive their happiness, thinking only about themselves? Or do you disagree with my wife's decision? Or....?



I was basically answering your question of "Do you think that's wrong?" I generally disagree with it but at the same time it's her choice so *shrug*.



fiddypence said:


> What if you want to? What if your s/o, someone you had made a commitment to, said they like men with beards or no beards or shaved legs. What about gauges or tattoos (or no tattoos). Or any other way you could change your appearance. You shouldn't do it, because you wouldn't have if your partner didn't suggest it?
> 
> Not to belabor the point, but if your girlfriend/boyfriend came to you and said, "can you wear this fedora?, it will make me go mad with passion." You would say, "No, I'm sorry, perhaps you should find someone else that shares your fedora fetish".
> 
> ...



There's a fine line between weight gain and wearing a fedora. If you're wearing a uniform, lingerie, leather outfit, high heels, tight/ revealing clothing, etc for someone else you're able to take it off if you don't want to do it anymore.

Weight gain isn't so simple. Some people have to really work at it to lose that weight and it can take months or years to get back to their normal and some people can't even get back to their normal, that's part of the problem.

In those other fetishes you can put it down and go back normal pretty easily,it's either difficult or impossible for some people to go back to normal when it comes to weight gain add into the possibility of it having health complications.

And before anyone gets in on me on the whole HAES thing...I'm well aware of HAES however I'm not willing to completely deny the possibility of weight having an impact on health.

As far as for what they should and shouldn't do, there's a certain thing that gives me (or whoever they're doing it for) a say in that and that's the fact that they are doing it *for them.* If someone tells you "No, it's fine you don't need to do that for me" and they simply do it anyways, that can annoy people.




fiddypence said:


> Are you in the habit of telling women what they "should" do? Probably not, right?
> You probably just ask nicely, this need be no different.



I don't tell them what to do.
I just suggest that they if they wanted to they could go out and enjoy themselves instead of having to worry about their weight since it's not an issue for me.

I'm not going to ask them to gain weight but I'll say that it won't bug me and they're free to enjoy themselves if they want to.



fiddypence said:


> It's unfair to make people guess what you want. Let me tell you, you just never know what someone might say until you ask



That's the issue,* I don't want them to do that for me.*
It should be for them, not me.
It should be for their enjoyment and fun and not be done for my pleasure.
When it's done for their own joy and not to appease someone else it is something which can be enjoyed mutually.



fiddypence said:


> With every pound gained, every pair of jeans struggled into, every time she looks at a fb photo, laughing and says "wow, I look huge", I always say.
> 
> "Just so you know, you can stop now, you can lose weight, I'll love you all the same" and I mean it, because I love my wife.


That is good


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## GordoNegro (Feb 5, 2013)

bobsjers said:


> Gaining for someone else is not a good idea. Too many times either the person has been dumped, and left fatter than they want to be, or they don't like being fat and resent the person who encouraged them.



I wholeheartedly agree as there are too many miserable people out there. It's bad enough when avoid certain shows on NBC.



sophie lou said:


> I'm not sure if I could or not. I did think there might be quite a few people who have done or are thinking about it. I suppose I should have added the question have you asked anyone to gain for you too



Whether I was strictly feeder or mutual gainer, I've tried to seek about those in the lifestyle or those bbws/ssbbw who actually have those tendencies/traits but did not know about the 'community' etc.
I did this as I don't believe in asking or making an ultimatum for someone to gain weight for my needs to be met. It's one thing; whether someone has a love of fat, a love of food, a love of being overstuffed and its another who had none of those loves; yet continue to do so to avoid being alone.


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## sophie lou (Feb 5, 2013)

I didn't realise i had started such a hot debate. I feel like i have thrown a firework into a room and ran. I got messaged today about starting the thread and was asked if i was going to add something more to it. 

The whole thing came about because my girlfriend had mentioned that i might look sexier with a few extra pounds. I know she likes other women a lot bigger than me and i was tempted to try and gain for her. After some careful consideration i came to the conclusion that i am happy as i am at present. Also i know that if i started i would probably struggle knowing when to say enough


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## Tad (Feb 5, 2013)

Heh, I'm in the case where (overall, long run picture) I'm trying not to gain for love....that is, on my own I'd probably gain, but since that is not my wife's preference I'm trying not to (barring that I've been having a bit of a holiday over the past couple of months......but after next week I'll be trying to drop some for the next long period of time)


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## fiddypence (Feb 5, 2013)

Can't be bother to multiquote your message, Azrael,

Just quickly:

Yes it's way easier to lose weight than gain it. That's a factor that should be considered, but it still doesn't mean you shouldn't do it for someone else, just that you should consider the probability that you may not get it back. Like how you shouldn't lend money to friends if you are not comfortable with the idea that you may not get it back.

You need to recognize that you are being deceptive when you say "go enjoy yourself and don't worry about your weight". You want them to gain weight, yes? Just be honest.

It also sounds like you are hoping that the women you date will come around to your point of view and say "I woke up this morning and decided, I am actually a feedee! To the buffet!"
No, more likely is that your s/o will not think about the fetish in the same way you do.

I don't want to pick on you, Azrael, it's just that a lot of what your are writing is pretty much exactly what I would have typed at your age.

I dated some great women, who did not share my fetish. It was pure torture for me to watch them worry about their weight, when I tried to tell them they didn't have to.

When I started dating my wife, I basically said "Here's the thing, I like watching women gain weight and eat a lot. I also like women who are pretty fat although I like women of all sizes. I don't need you to do anything for me, I'm just going to tell you that's what I like."

Then we started brainstorming things that would be fun, e.g.,
eating contests, buying clothes a size too small, going to restaurants and ordering lots of entrees (more of a role playing thing)
she started lifting weights and eating more to try to "bulk up", because she saw it as an interesting challenge.

Honestly, I felt pretty uncomfortable about all of this, because I felt like she was doing it "for me" instead of "for her". But she wanted to do it for me. In return I do other things, "for her".


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## fiddypence (Feb 5, 2013)

sophie lou said:


> I didn't realise i had started such a hot debate. I feel like i have thrown a firework into a room and ran. I got messaged today about starting the thread and was asked if i was going to add something more to it.
> 
> The whole thing came about because my girlfriend had mentioned that i might look sexier with a few extra pounds. I know she likes other women a lot bigger than me and i was tempted to try and gain for her. After some careful consideration i came to the conclusion that i am happy as i am at present. Also i know that if i started i would probably struggle knowing when to say enough



I think the "knowing when to say enough" thing is key. You have to establish boundaries. Also, does your gf think you'd be hotter if you were fatter or that the act of weight gain would be sexy? That's a difference that you need to be clear about.

Also, if you are not comfortable gaining, perhaps there are other scenarios she would enjoy


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## Azrael (Feb 5, 2013)

fiddypence said:


> Can't be bother to multiquote your message, Azrael,
> 
> Just quickly:
> 
> ...



Relax, I'm used to forums where there is plenty of vitriol being thrown around and debating with tons of cussing is common, you're not picking on me XD.

When it comes right down to it, I just want it to be something that is mutually enjoyed and is not something that someone does to please another.

Whether it is done because they are a feedee and gain sexual arousal out of it all or because they themselves enjoy the food and over indulging does not matter.

What matters is that they are not doing it to please me but have some actual enjoyment in it for themselves.

I'm sure you can understand why I think this.

I don't want them to gain weight if they see no joy out of it for themselves.

When I think of people gaining weight for love, I usually assume that they are just going along with it and have no joy out of it whatsoever.

And that is what I do not like...

That being said, when it comes to this whole feedee business I'm not exactly sure to what degree I am one.

There are some who simply cannot get any joy without there being feedism and there are others who can get joy without it.

I'm pretty sure we've thoroughly covered the issue, yea...


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## fiddypence (Feb 5, 2013)

No we must debate MOAR!!! Bragagaga....


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## LordSheogorath (Feb 11, 2013)

My gal put on some extra 'chub' with the trade-off I don't run so much so, and substitute my long runs for more weight lifting.

Was going pretty well for a bit- I shot up to 210 of solid muscle after three months of hitting the gym.

BUT, once a runner always a runner- and I have quit lifting as often.

Hoping to start bulking up again and hitting the weights more. 

She's kept to her end of the bargain.


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## bostonbbwluv (Feb 20, 2013)

I would gain if she asked me to. I look at weight gain as a sensual gift your partner gives to you and you give your partner if that's what you both desire.


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## CaAggieGirl (Feb 24, 2013)

I wouldn't actively gain for love. However, I tend to eat more when I am happy than when I am sad so, I can gain without trying. My last relationship, we ate quite a bit. He is very lean and eats waaaayyy more than I do so he would be hungry and we would go eat. The restaurants we went to were delicious and typically included a lot of butter, so in the end I slowly added on several pounds.

So in conclusion, I wouldn't gain for love, but because I was loved.


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## JessPoetics178 (Feb 28, 2013)

[/QUOTE]With every pound gained, every pair of jeans struggled into, every time she looks at a fb photo, laughing and says "wow, I look huge", I always say.

"Just so you know, you can stop now, you can lose weight, I'll love you all the same" and I mean it, because I love my wife.[/QUOTE]

Same here man. I tell my fiance the same thing. And she knows that I like real big women. She hasn't tried to gain weight on purpose it just felt nice to her that didn't have to really worry about her body any more. She's almost 300 and her goal is hit it. I tell her she doesn't have too it's her decision and she knows I'm loving it. It's about happiness. I don't know if she is gaining weight out of love or she doesn't feel the need to diet and the weight gain is naturally happening. All I know is that she is happy and I am happy and truth thats what it's about.


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## bostonbbwluv (Mar 13, 2013)

What a lucky guy you are!


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## AuntHen (Jun 1, 2013)

sophie lou said:


> Just a curious post. I was wondering are there many people here who have gained or are gaining for somone they love. Would you gain more if your partner asked you to



I would if asked, yes. He knows I like it and the thought of it anyway though


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## ranterc (Jun 6, 2013)

With every pound gained, every pair of jeans struggled into, every time she looks at a fb photo, laughing and says "wow, I look huge", I always say.

"Just so you know, you can stop now, you can lose weight, I'll love you all the same" and I mean it, because I love my wife.[/QUOTE]

Same here man. I tell my fiance the same thing. And she knows that I like real big women. She hasn't tried to gain weight on purpose it just felt nice to her that didn't have to really worry about her body any more. She's almost 300 and her goal is hit it. I tell her she doesn't have too it's her decision and she knows I'm loving it. It's about happiness. I don't know if she is gaining weight out of love or she doesn't feel the need to diet and the weight gain is naturally happening. All I know is that she is happy and I am happy and truth thats what it's about.[/QUOTE]


And the same here as well

When my relationship firt started all I heard was talk about only having one pc because of weight or id love second but my diet...then I let her know she didn't have to worry about thatwith me, took a whijle for her to believe me because she says almost all her past bf's would sugeest she go oon a diet,,
Although she does still hold back a little she mostly eats as she pleases and as result has gained weight, I don't think she intentionally set out to gain it,,
I do sometimes think is that wrong of me??
Why is she gaining? Cuz she head over heels for me? Am I taking advantage?
If we breakup for whatever reason or not even a break up just in general will she resent me later for telling here she didn't need to be on a diet??

She recently told she had no issues with beinng big, it only started when her ex started telling her she needed to lose weight

As I've gotten to knowher in the past year, I've learned a couple of things this girl absolutley LOVES to eat, loves to occasionally stuff her self and thren take one more bite...knowing this makes me feel ok with itall


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## DrFeeder (Jun 11, 2013)

You can _ask_ (though not compel, pressure, deceive or manipulate) your partner to do whatever you want.

And while I don't think your partner should gain just to please you, it's their decision.


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