# If I'm Not Fat, then Who am I?



## moonvine (Mar 6, 2013)

Well, this is an odd one. My p-doc did a pretty thorough testing of my blood. He called me Friday afternoon and said it was abnormal, and no big deal, so not to worry.

I finally get ahold of him today, and my thyroid is in bad, bad shape. He says there is no way I could lose weight no matter how little I ate (So fuck you very much law of thermodynamics people). Everything else was just barely normal. Apparently there's a marker for a tendency to become diabetic, which I was close to meeting, but did not meet, as well as being barely on the normal side of high blood pressure. He thinks when I lose weight both these values will fall into normal range.

I am sure most people would be thrilled to hear this news, but I've been fat since high school. I don't know how to not be fat. I don't know if my bf will still be attracted to me (he likes bigger women), and, regardless of how yall feel about him, and I feel about him myself sometimes, I don't know anyone else who will take me and a passel of cats in

I'm looking for an internist now, and part of me says I should be over the moon, but I'[m just not


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## CarlaSixx (Oct 13, 2013)

I feel you. I have been fat all my life that it seems like my fat has defined my life up to now. I surely wouldn't have had nearly the same experiences if I would've been thin all this time. And losing weight has me worried about many things. Will I be more attractive? Less attractive? Would I really be healthier? Would I be the same person to be around? 

Surprisingly a lot of my personality around others is also dictated by my size. I'm the token fat chick, really. So if I lost weight... I'd just blend in. And I don't like to blend in. Right now, with my loud personality, my size makes me stand out and be noticed... and even appreciated because it's not common for fat people around here to be outgoing and taking care of their appearance, etc. (around here being my city)

Losing weight would make me healthier in some aspects, definitely. But it has been so definitive of my life that it feels like losing my fat would be losing who I am.


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## Orchid (May 3, 2019)

A very old post. But reading the 2 posts here.I do agree that fat defined my life.


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## DragonFly (May 3, 2019)

I agree intriguing posts. I have been defined as fat since early childhood. I would no know what to do if I wasn’t.


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## AmyJo1976 (May 3, 2019)

I wasn't always fat, but I have been for the last 10 years or so. There is a sort of identity the you develop with it, it seems. At least for me. Looking back now, I wasn't the most enjoyable person to be around when I was thin. Pretty disgruntled most of the time to be completely honest. I don't think I've ever been more happier with myself and life as I am currently. I wouldn't want to go back.


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## BigElectricKat (May 3, 2019)

I hesitated from posting on this subject as my views on it are going to be different than most, I assume. And since my personal life experiences will differ from others, my statement is colored by those said experiences.

I've always hated being defined by any of my physical characteristics: the short guy, the skinny guy, the bald guy, or in the case of most everybody else, the black guy. That last one has been haunting me a great portion of my life. What it tells me is this: People have not invested enough time in getting to know me and can only describe/identify me by what they see. My skin color. Yes, I'm black. I kinda notice that every morning when I look in the mirror.

But I'm so MUCH more than just "black". I’m talented, caring, compassionate, intelligent, insightful, considerate, strong, fast (or at least used to be), keen, loving, witty (maybe), passionate, giving, funny, willing (you know what I mean), thoughtful, charming (well, maybe not to you), protective, chivalrous, determined, quiet, and a whole host of other things. I’d rather be defined by any of these characteristics than by being just “black”.

I’m fat as well (At least relatively so. The FFA’s aren’t really feeling it but maybe it’s because of something else. Anyway, I digress). And I suppose in a community composed of fat people and their so-called admirers, being characterized as, described as, or identifying as fat has a certain amount of cache. It makes you instantly desirable to segments of the community. I’m saying that fat is not all you are. But, through discussion, I’ve truly come to learn things about several people here and I choose to ascribe those traits to them in lieu of “fat”.

DragonFly – creative, craft-y (like she can make stuff and make it look great!)

AmyJo – friendly, caring

Happily_married – sympathetic, open minded

Green Eyed Fairy – intelligent, eclectic

Loopytheone – kind-hearted, self-aware

LizzieJones – well-read, witty (I was going to say sexy but then I’d be in BIG trouble)


FleurBleu – author, inquisitive


Mainegal – cheerful, thoughtful


I don’t know. Maybe I’m barking up the wrong tree here. I’ve only been “marginally fat” for the past 12 or so years. And I certainly am not trying to tell you all how to think. I suppose I hope that you think of yourselves as I see you and not just “fat”.


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## Tad (May 3, 2019)

I don't know about becoming fat as an adult, but when you are a fat kid (and you don't have to be very fat at all for other kids to label you that way) I think it seeps into your self definition as it is forming, becoming an ingredient in the concrete of your foundation.

Foundations can be changed, but it isn't easy.

A lot of the stuff that we learn about ourselves as we grow up, and the things we work hard to make ourselves into, are sometimes the more obvious parts of who we are, but I think they tend to rest on that foundation laid down in childhood (or modified later).


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## Tracyarts (May 4, 2019)

I'm at a stage in my life where I have no choice but to redefine myself, due to circumstances beyond my control. Not just being smaller, but weaker, slower, and less capable. 

So many things have changed in the past 4 years that I am no longer the person I used to be.

But we adapt to change, and we do re-form our identities. Some of it happens organically, when aspects of our being that used to be in the background move forward. And, some of it is by choice, when we ask the question "well, if not that, then what?".

I can't see myself ever getting to a point where I am no longer at least a bit fat. But, I don't know what the long term consequences of the changes in my appetite and ability to digest food will be (autoimmune related gastroparesis). But it is what it is, unless I start getting malnourished, it's low on the priority list of things to treat.

It's strange blending into crowds more easily. But I don't find it upsetting. It's actually comforting. I don't want to stand out so readily any longer.


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## agouderia (May 4, 2019)

Tad said:


> I don't know about becoming fat as an adult, but when you are a fat kid (and you don't have to be very fat at all for other kids to label you that way) I think it seeps into your self definition as it is forming, becoming an ingredient in the concrete of your foundation.
> 
> Foundations can be changed, but it isn't easy.
> 
> A lot of the stuff that we learn about ourselves as we grow up, and the things we work hard to make ourselves into, are sometimes the more obvious parts of who we are, but I think they tend to rest on that foundation laid down in childhood (or modified later).



This is the decisive point imo. And it probably is even stronger for girls/women than for boys/men - because appearance is the defining force for women, and more than ever its bottom line is "the smaller/thinner, the better".

Currently, I'm sort of undergoing this experience myself. I've never been the socially required level of thin in my life - just average fat, floating in the range of sizes 14-18. Now I've recently been through a period of continuous sickness, alternating between strep throat & stomach flu for almost a year (so nothing serious) - leaving me at the low end of size 14 and somehow deflating my appetite drive.

All of a sudden, I'm objectively thinner than half my circle of old friends from school and university - measureable alone in the fact that I've "inherited" lots of pretty clothes they've outgrown. But in my mind - and in everybody else's perception - I'm still the fat girl and they remain the size 4/6 college pretties, despite needing jeans in size 20.

In consequence, to really lose to the point of losing one's fat identity - I think one would have to drop to the standard of "thin" - meaning below US size 10 - for a longer period of time before the question really poses itself.


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## Shotha (May 4, 2019)

From as far back as I can remember, I wanted to be fat. Eventually, I did something about it. I deliberately got fat. For me, it's as if I've always been fat on the inside. Now, my body matches the inner me. Being a fat man is part of my identity. I love it when someone refers to me as "the fat man over there". More recently, I've started politely correcting people, who address me as "big guy", by telling them that I much prefer to be addressed as "fat guy". Of course, there's more to me than just being fat. Maybe it's the one feature that I want people to hit on, because it's the one that I had to deliberately work on. I could never go back to being thin. It just didn't feel right for me.


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## loopytheone (May 6, 2019)

Shotha, that's interesting, I definitely identify with some of what you say, though I never intentionally gained myself. I always self identified as fat, even though I was pretty underweight at certain times as a child. Even when I dieted myself down to be thin as an adult, it felt like I was wearing a mask, being somebody else. I still felt fat but suddenly nobody else saw me that way. I actually feel a hell of a lot more confident and happy now, at my fattest, than I ever did when I was thinner. Everybody else finally sees me as I see me, and its so liberating and makes me feel much less anxious dealing with people. 

Of course, I absolutely agree with BEK about how fat shouldn't be the only defining thing about your person, but in my opinion, its fine to have it be as big or small a part of your identity as feels right for you personally. We're all a combination of our physical traits and mental/emotional ones, after all. As well, I think for those us attracted specifically to fat/fat people, we tend to think about weight/size etc more often naturally, so that includes thinking about our own size too (whether thin or fat). I've noticed a lot of people will define themselves as "a thin FFA" or "a fit/muscular FA" etc so even non-fat FAs clearly think about their own size a decent amount.

(Also, BEK, you are ridiculously sweet with how you view people and I'm touched by how you described me, thank you)


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## Shotha (May 6, 2019)

loopytheone said:


> Of course, I absolutely agree with BEK about how fat shouldn't be the only defining thing about your person, but in my opinion, its fine to have it be as big or small a part of your identity as feels right for you personally. We're all a combination of our physical traits and mental/emotional ones, after all.



I totally agree with what you say, loopytheone. The words, which I've quoted from your post, are particularly interesting for me, as I've worked much of my life either translating/interpreting and teaching languages. Here in New Zealand people get very upset these days about being "labelled". It must happen in America and Europe, too. I hear people getting upset about being referred to as "the fat guy", "the red-head", "the old fella", "the gay guy" and so on, because they don't like to be labelled. I don't think that they object to being labelled per se. Language is, after all, just a huge collection of labels. What people object to is, in my opinion, being inappropriately labelled. I often here gay people object to being described as "gay" all the time, as if it were all that they were and as if it were their most obvious feature, which it is not in many cases. So, it's an inappropriate label. When we constantly refer to a woman as "the red-head", it objectifies her by harping on about her appearance in situations where her appearance might not be relevant. Of course, very noticeable physical features might only be a convenient way of pointing someone out in a crowd. If I hear someone say of me, "Go and see the fat guy over there," it doesn't bother me, because it's just a convenient way of pointing me out. I'm fat and I have to expect people around me to notice that. However, it does get to be irritating and annoying, when someone just keeps talking about me being fat. It just doesn't feel comfortable to have someone constantly making your body into a conversation point. I wonder if this is because it invalidates everything else that the person is. Of course, it's a different matter on sites and groups like this one, where fat is genuinely a matter of common interest. When we are introduced to new people, we are expected to say something about ourselves and, when we do so, we label ourselves. We might tell people what we do for a living or what our marital status is. We usually keep more intimate details to ourselves. This supports my conjecture that _inappropriate labelling_ is the problem. When someone shares these intimate details, we get annoyed, because it's inappropriate labelling. Sometimes, inappropriate labelling is just ludicrous. We don't expect to hear conversations like the following:-

*New female acquaintance: "Hello, my name is Sally and I'm tall and skinny."*
*Me: "Pleased to meet you, Sally. My name's Frank and I'm fat."*

I might just try that out in public just to see what sort of reaction it gets.


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