# Kids say the fatest things



## EvaMalone (Aug 23, 2007)

I was wondering, cause I know everyone has come across it at some time or another, what do you say to young kids? You know how toddlers are with their 'Why are you fat?' and 'How much do you weigh?' questions. How do you respond back to them in a way they understand without being nasty to them. 

Case and point.....

My husband and I are house sitting, he works at the house we're house sitting watching kids with his sister. I come down stairs and one of the children says 'Hey, its fat "Eva" (not my real name, obviously)' and then it was like a domino effect and the other children joined in. It doesn't hurt my feelings per say as I don't mind being fat at all, I kinda like it actually. It's still just the feeling of being ostersized though. what made it worse was neither my husband nor sister in law said anything, probably thinking I was embarassed. It would have helped though, they obviously haven't been taught by their parents yet not to point at people who are different (i.e. fat people, little pipple, handicaped etc...). I don't want it to seem like it bothers me down to my inner core, but I want to get the point across that behaviour like that is unacceptable. I'll have to have a talk with the husband as well......the bugger. 

Anyone else have any similar experiences, and how they dealt with it. From when i was a kid mothers and care takers always corrected their children as soon as the offensive phrase was said and appologized on behalf of their youngster. Apparently that stiffles little Jimmy's creativity now?

Lets just say i'll be happy to return to my own home ASAP.

-EVA


----------



## CrankySpice (Aug 23, 2007)

It doesn't bother me at all because it is rarely mean-spirited--more often it is just a child's natural curiosity or observation. I answer the question, or agree, or correct, depending on what the situation calls for. And I personally don't take offense at being called fat because, well, I am fat. It would be the same as being offended if they called me tall or white or brown-eyed. I'm not ashamed of my size, and don't think it should be treated as shameful to have it pointed out.


----------



## Leesa (Aug 23, 2007)

I work with children and can read them very well. If the child is simply making an observation. I tend to agree with them "Yes, I am fat."
However, if the child is being rude and disrespectful I give them the "You Hurt My Feelings Speech" I ask how would you like if I said you are a bag of bones? Then they begin to understand. 
It is all how it is said.


----------



## BigCutieAriel (Aug 23, 2007)

I had alittle boy probably 10 years old say "mom look at her shes so fat" and then he started laughing the mom said nothing to him so I said outloud that is rude and not nice at all then the mom starts making excuses for the kid and I walked away thinking whatever then she came to find me made him say sorry and he had this grin like it was so funny still. So my thought is I used to say nothing at all but now I will say thats not nice or thats rude not directly at them but after they say it and i'm walking past. But I believe parents should teach there kids right from wrong and there are so many kids out there who are nice and say nothing but then you have that % who's parents dont care to teach them and think it's ok. I also was in child development all through highschool and worked at an elementary school in a second grade class and all the kids loved me and no one was every mean or rude about my weight. All I know is when I have kids oneday I'll be sure to teach them that no matter how someone looks they should be treated nice and with respect.


----------



## Jon Blaze (Aug 23, 2007)

I haven't had anything similar happen to me beyond the little, small amount of beration I got when I was younger by ummm... "Teenagers" my age  (Not why I'm in the movement: I wasn't heavy enough for that to be my reasoning) but there's little chance that I won't be talking to my children (Should I have them) about it.

"I frickin' hate lil' Kim Jung Il!"
"Now George: It's ok to dislike someone if they're different than you."

Ye-Noooooo........


----------



## Actor4hire (Aug 23, 2007)

I weighed about 385 in 10th grade. Not only did I use to get the kids who would point and say "He's fat" But the worst offenders were old people. Why they felt they had to say "You know, you will die if you dont lose weight" or "You are too fat" I use to get the "Hey Fat ASS" from teenagers riding down the street. It is funny (or not so much) that being fat & treated like shit is still so accepted. I hear it is even worse in places lie France & England...

Your husband (Im sure he is a good guy) should have put those little [email protected]#ers in their place... 

Now that I am not as large as I use to be, I really try to engage with really large people in public places like stores & restaraunts, because those were always the most uncomfortable for me...


----------



## StaBla (Aug 23, 2007)

Hello,

This is my first post on here, although I am an avid lurker.

I have a couple of experiences with this topic that I'd like to share. Once, when I was a teenager babysitting, the little boy who was sitting on my lap said "Why are you so fat?" I was very embarrassed and really had no idea what to say. I wasn't upset at him...it was an innocent question.

Much more recently, my then 3 1/2 year old daughter asked me why I have such a big belly. This time, I knew what to say. I explained that people come in different sizes and that some people are tall, some are short, some are thin and some are fat. As I am concerned with society's view of body image, I never want my daughters to think that it's 'bad" if someone looks differently than someone else. 

Stacy


----------



## T_Devil (Aug 23, 2007)

If it's one thing I hate more than rude children is their parents. I'm not the biggest fan of children. I tolerate them because that is a condition of living in society. Most of the time, they don't bother me. Every so often though, you get some really stupid kids. They are not stupid because they're kids (Kids have an excuse to be the way they are, they're kids), They're stupid because of their parents. Their parents are just stupid people that decided to breed (even if it was by accident).

Personally, I ignore them. Children have nothing to say of any importance to me, so I don't take them seriously. They don't have any clue that their words have an impact. If I say anything, I tell them, right to their face, coldly and without emotion "You are being very rude, I do not like rude people."

I'm not _Barney_. I treat children the same as I treat adults. I make adjustments due to age and if they understand certain ideas. Children are such a taboo subject that I don't like being anywhere near them. So, if I must socialize with them, I do so in a very sterile and impersonal matter. Why? Because of their stupid parents.

Last thing I need in my life is some stupid parent thinking I'm messing with their kid, overreacting, calling the cops and essentially destroying my credibility as a human being in the community. Face it, Children are so WORSHIPPED in this society, we pretty much have to bow down to them and their parents.

I don't want to, but I have no choice. I have no children of my own. You think I'm ready for fatherhood? And even if my wife and I DID have a kid, I know I could be a better parent than a lot of these humans out there mixing genetic material.

As far as teenagers are concerned. They should be allowed to leave home at age 13. They think they know everything, so let them learn the hard way. Teenagers are just children I have even more disdain and contempt for.

"But T_Devil, you were a child once too you know!"

Yes I was, an extremely suicidal child. Why? Because of other children, and their stupid parents. Not much has changed since then. Stupid people are still breeding.

Like I said, either be stern and cold in telling them that they are being rude, or just ignore them. 

Now I just gotta listen to _I Hate Children_ by _The Adolescents_
Punk song.
It says what I can't.


----------



## Britannia (Aug 23, 2007)

BigCutieAriel said:


> I had alittle boy probably 10 years old say "mom look at her shes so fat" and then he started laughing the mom said nothing to him so I said outloud that is rude and not nice at all then the mom starts making excuses for the kid and I walked away thinking whatever then she came to find me made him say sorry and he had this grin like it was so funny still.



He learned it from his mother, and his peers, who also learned it from the adults in their lives.

It's ridiculous, and should be stopped. I do agree that it's okay if the child is simply curious, but if you sense malice, then you should voice that it's very rude (because it is, regardless of the child's age!)

I've never been called fat, but when I was working at an orphanage in Mexico a table of little boys found it funny to call me "Nina cochina" which means "Dirty girl", calling me uncleanly. I have no idea what spurned that, because I'm very cleanly and keep up my appearance. I went through the basic "Hurt feelings" routine, but it didn't do any good. A few days later, I heard one of the little girls whisper it to her friend as I walked by. I realized that the children just wanted someone to tease because their situation sucked pretty bad, and I wasn't angry with them anymore. I asked to be transferred out of the class because I still didn't want to deal with being called that constantly, but I don't let the memory hurt my feelings anymore. For a while I did.


----------



## Jennygirl (Aug 23, 2007)

I've had a few experiences at my pool this summer. Living in an apartment complex we have all kinds here...several kids this summer have made comments about me or my friends. Anywhere from "wow, your huge"and "you can't swim and jump you're too fat" to a very sweet little chubby girl who said... " I hope I'm pretty like you when I grow up" sort of balancing out the negative  

When these comments are made I try to sound very mom-like and I ask where their parents are. They point them out and I go to the parent and tell them what was said, how I feel about it and how she should be teaching her child that it isn't nice to make fun of people for any reason. My son doesn't do it, never has and that's because I taught him right from wrong. If the kid is there with a teenager and not a parent I tell him that what he said is hurtful and I'm sure he wouldn't like it if I said rude things to him and they usually get it. 

For me it stings worse from a kid because kids are supposed to be innocent to all the bullshit...not supposed to see color and size and differences yet. Kids don't stay sweet and innocent as long anymore do they...


----------



## supersoup (Aug 23, 2007)

little ones are simply products of their environments, or curious. any child 8 and under is just saying what they've heard, or is truly curious as to why you look so different! don't treat them with negativity, it just adds to the negative light that your fat body has been painted in by their parents. little kids don't have that filter that tells them what is and is not appropriate, so take the opportunity to mold their little minds. 'wow, you're huge!!' 'i sure am, and you're tiny! my name's amanda and i may be fat, but i like to have fun and make friends just like you do. what's your name?' bam. don't turn it into this big evil thing that they shouldn't ever talk about...you are what you are, just like they're curious little kids. they are humans, treat them as such. i have three godbabies that are going to be very positive when it comes to different body types, and i'm going to play a big part in that. no matter what you think, the way you handle each situation adds to how they'll turn out!

now...as for the snotty assed 14 year olds in the mall...a little verbal pwnage, and i send them on their way.


----------



## Actor4hire (Aug 23, 2007)

To me, (as a parent) I find it to be much more hurtfull out of an adults mouth. Kids don't censor themselves all the time. Doesn't make it right, but I can see how the child says it more out of curriousity, than to be mean. When an adult says it (like I said earlier old folks think they can say whatever the hell they want) they DAMN well should no better. That doesn't mean I don't expect people to whisper to each other once you are far away, I would be lying if I said I have never said something about the way someone was dressed or giant piercings in their ears, or whatever, I think that is just human nature, but to say it to somebodys face or when they are in the area is absurd & can only hurt...


----------



## mpls_girl26 (Aug 23, 2007)

I've worked with children in multiple capacities over the years, mainly as a nanny for 6 children so I have experience with this. It's kind of funny because when they were really young they constantly asked me if I was pregnant; which I wasn't. They understood, at an early age, that everyone in life comes in different shapes, colors and sizes.

I do agree that kids are wonderful at stating the obvious....they understand here and now. But, as others have said sometimes it is done to hurt. I do get annoyed with the parents that don't take the opportunity to have a conversation with their child when the opportunity arises. When the kids would point at a little person, someone in a wheelchair, or a fat person for that matter (sometimes they seem to forget I'm fat) then we have a talk about it and turn it on them and point out one of their characteristics that someone could be pointing at. I don't think they should be hushed, but talked with. This is just manners in general. 

I have two stories that break my heart to this day. One was when I was picking up Ada (one of my nanny kids) from summer camp and she was on the playground, I walked over to her and got a great big hug and off we went. I heard the kids whisper as we left "Is that Ada's Mom? she's FAT" I paused, didn't know if Ada had heard it and decided to just keep going. Later that night she was sullen and when I put her to bed, I kissed her goodnight, got an extra long hug and when I started leaving she asked me "are you fat?" and started crying. When she looked at me, she saw "Missy" she didn't see a tall fat woman, it never occured to her that I was "fat" I didn't think I could love her anymore than I did....but it grew. We had a great talk about it and to this day (she is now 14!) she is one of the most accepting and sensitive young teens I know! 

The other time was picking up Ada's younger sister Zoe from a school picnic in kindergarten, kids were running around and I heard them teasing Zoe that I was fat. She came up to me and said she was ready to go, I bent down, she climbed on my shoulders and we started walking off. A few little girls came up and wanted to ask her something, I bent down and they whispered something to the effect of "don't you think your nanny is fat?" or something like that and she jerked away and said "I don't like you very much right now. This is my Missy" She was upset and wanted to leave so I didn't say anything to these kids...but Zoe and I had conversations about it. 

What makes me sad is that in these two situations they had to endure teasing because of me, they had to defend me. I know in the long run, I have made a tremendous impact on their lives (seeing as I'm still in them and get daily calls!) and added some diversity. 


Sorry for being so long winded.....


----------



## supersoup (Aug 23, 2007)

mpls_girl26 said:


> I've worked with children in multiple capacities over the years, mainly as a nanny for 6 children so I have experience with this. It's kind of funny because when they were really young they constantly asked me if I was pregnant; which I wasn't. They understood, at an early age, that everyone in life comes in different shapes, colors and sizes.
> 
> I do agree that kids are wonderful at stating the obvious....they understand here and now. But, as others have said sometimes it is done to hurt. I do get annoyed with the parents that don't take the opportunity to have a conversation with their child when the opportunity arises. When the kids would point at a little person, someone in a wheelchair, or a fat person for that matter (sometimes they seem to forget I'm fat) then we have a talk about it and turn it on them and point out one of their characteristics that someone could be pointing at. I don't think they should be hushed, but talked with. This is just manners in general.
> 
> ...



don't apologize, this was a marvelous story, and 'your' girls are amazing young ladies!! don't worry about them having to endure teasing because of you, because i assure you, they'd go to bat for you daily if need be!


----------



## mpls_girl26 (Aug 23, 2007)

supersoup said:


> don't apologize, this was a marvelous story, and 'your' girls are amazing young ladies!! don't worry about them having to endure teasing because of you, because i assure you, they'd go to bat for you daily if need be!



Thank you.....and yes, I know they would go to bat for me and have done so in the last 11+ years I've been in their lives! Same goes for their three boy cousins that I was also a nanny for - they all love me unconditionally and it's an amazing feeling. :smitten:


----------



## b01 (Aug 23, 2007)

supersoup said:


> little ones are simply products of their environments, or curious. any child 8 and under is just saying what they've heard, or is truly curious as to why you look so different! don't treat them with negativity, it just adds to the negative light that your fat body has been painted in by their parents. little kids don't have that filter that tells them what is and is not appropriate, so take the opportunity to mold their little minds. 'wow, you're huge!!' 'i sure am, and you're tiny! my name's amanda and i may be fat, but i like to have fun and make friends just like you do. what's your name?' bam. don't turn it into this big evil thing that they shouldn't ever talk about...you are what you are, just like they're curious little kids. they are humans, treat them as such. i have three godbabies that are going to be very positive when it comes to different body types, and i'm going to play a big part in that. no matter what you think, the way you handle each situation adds to how they'll turn out!



You're just great. I believe that is the BEST way to deal with situations like this, to bring about the best results. 

By all means no one should be ashamed of being fat, huge, chubby, or whatever. So show them you're not. 
You can respond with a nasty remark, but you'll just make yourself look insecure and weak. By being positive you'll present that kid with an opportunity to learn something. It's up to the child and/or his parents if they do or not, but you can't worry about that. You at least come out as a winner and the bigger person (no pun intended).

P.S. To Eva, your Husband and Sis probably think your very confident and comfortable with your size, so they wouldn't need to defend you against a bunch of kids.

As a husband myself, I would have said something for good measure.


----------



## Kareda (Aug 24, 2007)

Great advice everyone! Luckily I have not come across the questions but with my oldest being in 1st grade this year, I would not be surprised if they came. Now I have some ideas on how to go about it- thanks!

I will share this good story though. My daughter, 6 is TINY. Small frame, thin and short, always between 3rd & 10th percentile. Anywho- One Day we were talking about when she grows up and she had asked if she was going to be like me. 

Me: "No, honey, I doubt it. You are very petite so you will probably always be small. Sissy is 3 years younger and already your size. But your Beautiful and always will be, regardless. 

Tay:"No I want to be like you!" and starts crying!

Me: "You want all this fat?" rubbing my belly

Tay: Yeah, I want to be just like you, your so beautiful, Mommy"

awwwwwwwwwwwwww! :wubu:


----------



## lemmink (Aug 24, 2007)

I think a lot of kids who pull this kind of thing know exactly what they're doing. Exactly. I don't believe any kid over the age of 5 doesn't know this stuff isn't polite. I generally look to their parents to discipline them for any smart-ass shit.


----------



## Emma (Aug 24, 2007)

As an adult I don't think I've had too many children comment with any malice. Mostly just curiousity. My friends little girl said to me once "You're so big, I bet you could kick down the wall if you wanted to!" which was cute. But then I also had another kid say "my dad says you're fat because you ate KFC and Mcdonalds at the same time" which I thought was a bit shitty on the dads behalf. 

I don't like being stared at by children though, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I still remember being sat on my doorstep waiting for my friend to pick me up and there was some two ladies and a few kids in the garden next door. This kid kept looking at me and it was annoying me, then I saw her whisper to her mum. Then her mum turned to me and said "She wants to say that you're very pretty." and as she did that the kid went off and hid! lol


----------



## T_Devil (Aug 24, 2007)

CurvyEm said:


> But then I also had another kid say "my dad says you're fat because you ate KFC and Mcdonalds at the same time" which I thought was a bit shitty on the dads behalf.


_"Yeah, well your Dad is a moron."_ 
Is it acceptable to say that to a kid? I mean, should someone tell a kid that their parent is a moron because of something dumb they said to them? How is a child going to learn any differently if all they are surrounded with is stupidity?
:huh:


----------



## TraciJo67 (Aug 24, 2007)

T_Devil said:


> _"Yeah, well your Dad is a moron."_
> Is it acceptable to say that to a kid? I mean, should someone tell a kid that their parent is a moron because of something dumb they said to them? How is a child going to learn any differently if all they are surrounded with is stupidity?
> :huh:



I think I would respond with "That's not a very nice thing for your dad to say" and just leave it at that. Eventually, the kid is going to grow up & realize that his/her dad is a moron. Why shatter the illusion so early?


----------



## EvaMalone (Aug 24, 2007)

Thanks for all the great comments guys, I think i'll know what to say next time. I'm not ashamed of being fat but it's uncomfortable around other people because they think i'm uncomfortable and its just a very embarassing situation. I talked to my husband about it and apparently he did say something to him. I don't think Thagd, thats his name, said it in malice I think he was just saying it as a matter of fact. he is only 4 and we do get on quite well, he does like me, I just had no idea how to approach that kind of behaviour. 

I know what the one person means about kids starring, one of the little girls is constantly in awe of my size, very curious 5 year old. She thinks because im large that i'm very strong and can physically do anything but she knows im fat, its very odd. I catch her peeking at me from aronud corners, its weird but I don't mind it per say its just a bit.....odd.


----------



## T_Devil (Aug 24, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> I think I would respond with "That's not a very nice thing for your dad to say" and just leave it at that. Eventually, the kid is going to grow up & realize that his/her dad is a moron. Why shatter the illusion so early?


Your way is nicer.
I just have no tact with kids. :doh:


----------



## Durin (Aug 24, 2007)

I like Dr. Seuss a lot.

One night I was reading my 4yr old One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

Which is a great book about diversity by the way.

There's the part that reads " some are thin and some are Fat the Fat one wears a yellow hat."

Both my wife and I are Fat. So It was good to use that book as a teachable moment in talking to my 4yr old Foster Son. 

Some People are Fat, Some People are Thin. It's all O.K.

So for a while when we would get to that point in the book he would tell me. "Your Fat." So I had to explain to him that it is O.K. to be Fat or Thin but you don't go running around telling everyone they are, cause they probably know already.


Now if I could just get my 70yr old parents to learn the same concept Life will be Grand

:bow:


----------



## mpls_girl26 (Aug 26, 2007)

I was with the three boys tonight -- the same ones I mentioned in previous posts, and somehow the topic of "fat" got brought up. The 10 year old twins were teasing their younger brother because he weighs more than them. Mind you - they are WAYYYYY underweight and Dylan is exactly the size he needs to be...but I digress. They brought up the Mike Myers character on Austin Powers, the fat Scottish guy and were comparing him to Dylan. As the converstaion progressed I finally said that because I was fat, was it ok to make fun of me too? 

They all just starred at me and Ryan finally said "but you're not fat." It still blows my mind how kids see things and specifically, see me. I was talking to their mom when they got home and mentioned this discussion and she agreed that they don't see me as fat, that it totally passes over them. But she did pay me a compliment when she said that she has always appreciated and admired how I handle sensitive topics with them without shaming them or making them feel bad - that felt good to hear. 

Not sure why I'm sharing all this but it made me feel good and know that it IS important to talk to kids about different issues and not to shame them for pointing something out.


----------



## ToniTails (Aug 26, 2007)

they don't likely see their brother as fat either... i know i never thought my brother was ugly, but i called him Ugly Head... and he called me Toe Nail ... although I clearly am NOT a toe nail... hmph!


----------



## ToniTails (Aug 26, 2007)

kids are mostly fascinated by fat... if a child says "Why are you fat?" i say... too many donuts, not enough carrots."


----------



## steely (Aug 26, 2007)

My step grandson who is eight came up with the fat comment the other day.So I asked him seriously,What does that mean?He said you're too big.
I then told him that yes I am big but that doesn't mean anything.
Who takes you to the park and the swimming pool?Who plays games with you and reads you books at bedtime?Who makes you the best pancakes and sweet buttery carrots?Who loves you?
I gave him a hug and he said I like the way you are so soft.I think he got the point.


----------



## Allie Cat (Aug 27, 2007)

00 toni lynn 00 said:


> they don't likely see their brother as fat either... i know i never thought my brother was ugly, but i called him Ugly Head... and he called me Toe Nail ... although I clearly am NOT a toe nail... hmph!



Little kids come up with such weird insults. I seem to recall when I was younger I called my little brother 'Plug Nose' and he called me 'Mikey Wikey Pikey Hikey' or something 

=Divals


----------



## knottyknicky (Aug 28, 2007)

I've worked with kids in all capacities for the last 10 years, and the question never goes away, and it never changes. Toddlers will poke and squeeze, but you have to understand they're just beginning to understand the world around them...and when they see anything "different" than what they're used to in their nuclear family, they're going to point it out in an effort to better understand the world around them. I've had toddlers tell me i'm "SO BIG!", with the cutest look on their face, i've had 3rd graders ask me if I'm having a baby, and I've had pre-teens ask me about my body...and while I could have taken those situations and interpreted them as negative comments about my body, I turned them into opportunities to educate these kids that there are all kinds of people in all kinds of packaging. One particular girl, about 13 or 14, would make comments about herself constantly. She was a gorgeous girl, maybe 15 pounds 'overweight' for her body type, and really self conscious, constantly seeking approval. She clung to me like glue, asking me what could have been really embarassing questions had I not had the right mindset... but one of the one questions she asked me, after drilling me about being fat, was "do you have a boyfriend?' At the time I was dating my first "FA" and was reeling inside over finding someone who actually appreciated my curves...I normally didn't talk with campers about my personal life, but in this case, I made an exception. I told her about this guy, and she was bewildered. She asked "And he doesn't care that you're fat? He actually likes you for...you?!" It wasn't that she was being offensive or trying to embarass anyone, it had probably just never once occurred to her that, hey, fat people have relationships too. I showed her his photo, and she oohed and ahhed, and just was blown away by my story. Its sad that our kids have this reaction, but I'm so glad I was able to open her eyes and present a confident, fat young woman for her to relate to...and it was a great lesson for me as well. 

I've also had NUMEROUS kid-crushes...one boy was so infatuated with me I had to bring in the administrative staff to talk with him...but apparantly his cabin-mates found a letter he'd written to me telling me how pretty he thought I was, and something about my round cheeks...completely inappropriate, obviously, but flattering never the less. It was really cool to see him defend his preferences, as his cabin-mates didn't exactly respectfully appreciate his tastes. 

Great topic!


----------



## knottyknicky (Aug 28, 2007)

By the way, its really great to see other nannies on here


----------



## Keb (Aug 28, 2007)

It's not always easy to deal with when a kid comments on it, but they usually are genuinely trying to understand--and it's something that despite being on the news and so on isn't exactly explained to kids, instead of being hushed up and glossed over. It's Rude, so kids who honestly enquire when it's on their minds (generally in the presence of a fat person) get told as much and don't get their questions answered. 

I usually go with "People come in lots of different sizes," and maybe point out how some people are taller than others and how they're littler than me. It's a good enough answer that will satisfy most kids. I'll sometimes tell them it's not always a polite thing to talk about, if they're older kids and I'm in a position of authority (like when I was teaching), but that I'll still answer their questions. 

I think kids deserve to get an answer when they ask an honest question--age appropriate but true, even if it's a question that makes adults uncomfortable such as about race or weight and so on. They're new to this world and there isn't an instruction book; this is how they learn.


----------



## Surlysomething (Aug 28, 2007)

kid-"you're fat!"

me-"you're rude!"


bahaha


----------



## BBWnOCCA (Aug 29, 2007)

I've come out of lurking to respond to this one.

I truly believe that it is harder to have adults say something about your being fat than kids. I have little experience with children saying anything about my weight but I just recently experienced my first adult comment. After driving through Wendy's to get my son something to each in the drive thru, we were down the block a ways before he said something was missing from his order. To get to this Wendy's is nearly impossible, the drive thru was packed, and the parking lot was a zoo, so I just pulled over to the side of Wendy's, got out of the car, and went in to ask for the missing item from my son's meal. I made a comment to the person taking my order about how hard it was to get in and out of Wendy's, and this woman next to me says "Well, maybe if you lost some weight you wouldn't have so much trouble getting in and out of the car." I just looked at her for a minute and then realized what she said. I said "I meant I had trouble getting in and out of the parking lot, not my car, you idiot." Luckily the rest of my order was brought to me then and I turned to leave. As I opened the door, I heard her mumble something and I ended up calling her white trash before I left. When I got back into the car, I was shaking and wanted to beat the crap out of that woman or at the very least figure out which car was hers and ram into it like Kathy Bates did in "Fried Green Tomatoes"  but I was scaring my son with my comments because I'm usually not like that, so we just left instead. 

I had a really nice experience lately with a little girl though. I took my son to the doctor for his physical and this little girl about 4 years old kept staring at me and whispering to her mother. This was right on the heels of the Wendy's experience so I figured that she was whipering about my being fat. I must have looked annoyed because finally the mom said her daughter wanted to say something to me. I braced myself and got ready, and she said "You look like a fairy princess." and then she got embarassed and hid behind her mom. Once I thanked her for what she said and asked her her name and how old she was, she talked non-stop until it was time to leave. 

My last story is from when my son was about 3 and we were at the grocery store. There was a little person (hope that is the politically correct term) in front of us buying, among other things, beer and cigarettes. What my son saw, however, was someone who could be his new best friend. My son had just learned our phone number and was dead set on giving it to this poor guy so he could come over and play. :shocked: I could see that the guy was not finding this at all amusing buy I couldn't seem to turn my son's attention away from him. All I could do was give him an apologetic smile and hope it would be over soon.

So it can happen to anyone when it comes to kids...not just fat people.

Okay, back into lurk mode! I really enjoy reading all your posts...


----------



## CuslonGodibb (Aug 29, 2007)

knottyknicky - this "turning negative comments into education opportunities" thing is something that I really believe in. I just want to thank you for your - in my opinion - wise way of handling these situations.  

I, too, meet children every day since I work as a teacher. I happen to have a disability which makes me use a wheelchair, and this fact often gets the children wondering. I, like you, take their questions as "opportunities to educate", and this seems to work just great. I've not yet received negative comments or unpleasant attitudes towards my disability - just questions asked out of curiosity. As long as they're asked in a nice way, I'm happy to answer them. Obviously, this method works - at least for me.  

/ CuslonGodibb



knottyknicky said:


> [---] while I could have taken those situations and interpreted them as negative comments about my body, I turned them into opportunities to educate these kids that there are all kinds of people in all kinds of packaging [---]


----------



## RedHotAva (Sep 3, 2007)

I remember I was babysitting when I was 13 and went swimming with a 4-year-old boy and a 10-month-old girl. The little boy asked "why are you so fat?" My first reaction was "I'm not fat!" To be honest, I was 5'7 and probably a size 16, so I was chubby but not fat like I am now. The boy countered with "yes you are. your belly is fatter than mommy's" I answered him as quickly as I could think with "that's because I eat more than your mommy, but there's nothing wrong with that. I'm still pretty" The little boy looked quizzically at me for a moment, then accepted it and moved on. Since then, I haven't heard anything else about it. I could have handled that better, but I was 13 and NOT expecting it! I've gotten a couple comments from kids about how tall I am in heels, but that's easy- I just say I love being tall and they think it's cool.


----------



## QtPatooti (Sep 3, 2007)

Jennygirl said:


> a very sweet little chubby girl who said... " I hope I'm pretty like you when I grow up" sort of balancing out the negative  ...



OHhh Jennygirl - I love that - she was able to see HER potential through you!!! What a great roll models we confident big girls are to our little sisters   Reps to JennyGirl!

My experience was with my adored nephew - he adored me likewise - he called me fat one day and his mom spanked him for it. To this day I have a bad feeling about that - I would have rather said 'heck yeah! I am fat! and you are skinny - so what??? He didnt mean it in a bad way - he was stating a fact. Kids are honest  My nephew is grown with his own sons now - he loves me for who I am. And allows me to spend time with his boys whenever I want.


----------



## HectorFA (Sep 3, 2007)

I am the father of 2 childrens , 7 and 5 years at present, my wife is a BBW and , beside otther common aspects of education, I have always concentrate specialy on respectful to every people, fat people also. There were a short period when the daughter said from time to time, that the mom was obese , and showed her up in public. We took care to avoid that rude behaviour , and from then we have never see any unrespectful behavior with anybody, less with fat people. THey also know that I like fat women, and run an asociation for them.

I think that if all parents would bring up their childrens in respect and tolerance, we could wipe out this world from fat discrimination


----------



## RVGleason (Sep 3, 2007)

BigWideLand posted this cute story on the BHM Board:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=28680

I posted my own comment on it too.  

RV :eat1:


----------



## krystalltuerme (Sep 4, 2007)

I'd like to say, to all the BBW nannies who have replied in this thread: you and those like you are the reason I'm an FA, so far as I can see. My personal theory about why we have the preferences we have has to do with our early childhood. I think that people close to us imprint upon us when we're young, and that shows up in our sexual preferences later in life. Several people I know have BBW mothers, and they are all FAs.

I'm getting at something here, I swear....

The thing is, my mother is a stick. Probably has never weighed more than 110 pounds in her whole life. So why am I an FA? Because of my nannie. Her name is Karen, and she is still a very good friend of our family. She took care of me and my two younger brothers for almost six years, from the time my younger brothers were born. (They're two years younger than me, and twins.) Karen is a BBW, probably varied from 250-300 pounds in the time that I knew her. She is probably the most influential person in my life, and to this day I'm far closer to her than I am my mom. 

Props to the BBW nannies. Keep being wonderful!


----------



## Allie Cat (Sep 4, 2007)

I had no BBWs in my life for probably the first ten years of my existence o.o;

Maybe for me it was something about the cheese being greener on the other side of the world.

=Divals


----------



## krystalltuerme (Sep 4, 2007)

Divals said:


> I had no BBWs in my life for probably the first ten years of my existence o.o;
> 
> Maybe for me it was something about the cheese being greener on the other side of the world.
> 
> =Divals



Or maybe I'm wrong. Who knows?


----------



## mpls_girl26 (Sep 4, 2007)

krystalltuerme said:


> The thing is, my mother is a stick. Probably has never weighed more than 110 pounds in her whole life. So why am I an FA? Because of my nannie. Her name is Karen, and she is still a very good friend of our family. She took care of me and my two younger brothers for almost six years, from the time my younger brothers were born. (They're two years younger than me, and twins.) Karen is a BBW, probably varied from 250-300 pounds in the time that I knew her. She is probably the most influential person in my life, and to this day I'm far closer to her than I am my mom.
> 
> Props to the BBW nannies. Keep being wonderful!



Ahhhh.... it's great to hear how she made an impact on you. I know I have on the kids I've helped raise and I am thankful that the parents recognize how important I am in their lives and are not intimidated by that because I know some nannies that have run into that problem. It's funny you should say though how it impacts your choice later in life. One of the twins that I watch (they were 2 weeks when I started and are now 10!) Michael, loves my "muscles" and keeps asking if we can be married. It's very cute and he'll look at me and say "but don't you love me?" I told him I make it a firm rule that if I've changed someone's diaper and bathed them, then I can't marry them. So it will be interresting to see what choices he makes later in life.


----------



## CuslonGodibb (Sep 4, 2007)

That's so true, QtPatooti! I am glad that there are such a thing as "confident big girls". There can never be too many of them - - -  

/ CuslonGodibb



QtPatooti said:


> [---] What a great roll models we confident big girls are to our little sisters   Reps to JennyGirl! [---]


----------



## bigwideland (Sep 4, 2007)

I have had very few negative events in my life regarding my size, the worst was from job interviews. But with regard to kids, they are testing the norms of behaviour, they will always ask the question when they see something new, and they will question to the void and they move on, it is a little program that runs in they developing mind, the why why why....., you must be mindful that the responce you give will be tested , they will try and confirm what you told them by telling another adult and by guaging that adults responce get a feeling if what you said in true or false, so be mindful of what you say as it may be made public.

As for dealing with rude kids, the bully, they have learned to enjoy the discomfort of other and crave it, I do not see it as my role to try and correct anyone else's behavioural problems, not the child or the adult that caused it i.e the parents, or they gene's. In fact I feel sorry that one day that child will learn the hard way that you need to win people not push them away in order to get what you want out of life. When I get rude treatment I use my right of reply, none at all, I just give them the biggest look of disgust and comtempt I can muster and say nothing at all. Works for me and lot of levels.

BWL


----------



## knottyknicky (Sep 5, 2007)

krystalltuerme said:


> Props to the BBW nannies. Keep being wonderful!




Yesss! 

Its really a shame at how difficult it can be to find work as a nanny when you're a BBW though. I've been denied SO many jobs because of my weight, or the moment I'm not doing my job correctly, thats the first thing to be pigeonholed. Tres frustrating, oui?


----------



## krystalltuerme (Sep 5, 2007)

All I can say is that people are stupid. There's no other explanation for it.


----------



## T_Devil (Sep 5, 2007)

knottyknicky said:


> Yesss!
> 
> Its really a shame at how difficult it can be to find work as a nanny when you're a BBW though. I've been denied SO many jobs because of my weight, or the moment I'm not doing my job correctly, thats the first thing to be pigeonholed. Tres frustrating, oui?



If I had to hire a nanny, she would have to be overweight. Otherwise I would get that creepy feeling that a skinny one would try to subvert my parenting by brainwashing my child with a bunch of "Simmons Talk".


----------



## knottyknicky (Sep 5, 2007)

T_Devil said:


> If I had to hire a nanny, she would have to be overweight. Otherwise I would get that creepy feeling that a skinny one would try to subvert my parenting by brainwashing my child with a bunch of "Simmons Talk".




hahaha, you know, the really ironic thing is that in a few of the families i've worked with, i've actually gotten in trouble for turning kids against fast food, particularly mcdonalds. apparantly i make parents jobs more difficult, rather than easier.


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 8, 2007)

when a child asks me why am I fat, I simply choose a characteristic of theirs and ask them why they have it...such as "Why are your eyes blue?" usually they reply with "I dunno" so I say "I know why. God wanted you to be unique so he gave you blue eyes and brown hair...He wanted me to be unique so he gave me green eyes and a big body, you see?" their final answer is usually a big smile and a "yeahhhhhhhh."


----------



## RevolOggerp (Sep 9, 2007)

RedHotAva said:


> I remember I was babysitting when I was 13 and went swimming with a 4-year-old boy and a 10-month-old girl. The little boy asked "why are you so fat?" My first reaction was "I'm not fat!" To be honest, I was 5'7 and probably a size 16, so I was chubby but not fat like I am now. The boy countered with "yes you are. your belly is fatter than mommy's" I answered him as quickly as I could think with "that's because I eat more than your mommy, but there's nothing wrong with that. I'm still pretty" The little boy looked quizzically at me for a moment, then accepted it and moved on. Since then, I haven't heard anything else about it. I could have handled that better, but I was 13 and NOT expecting it! I've gotten a couple comments from kids about how tall I am in heels, but that's easy- I just say I love being tall and they think it's cool.


That happens.

Kids don't know when they're saying the wrong thing. That's why I would expose my kids to a HUGE diversity of things when I take them out.

I would expose them to where there are a variety of people based on gender, sexual preference, body types, race, religion, etc. That way, the kids get used to it.

I've seen kids who come from families who are extremely health conscious that the kids aren't fully aware of overweight people or plump people. So, they will see those people and just assume they're fat.


----------

