# Feedee, not victim



## Ample Pie (Aug 29, 2010)

I am a feedee; I am *not* a victim. The two are not synonyms no matter what society or some organization may say or imply. A feedee is someone who derives sexual stimulation and/or satisfaction from the act or fantasy of being fed by someone and/or from the act or fantasy of gaining weight. What that means is that, as a feedee, I enjoy being fat, moreover I enjoy the fat itself. I receive pleasure from it and with it and because of it.

Too many times I've heard this concept dismissed because there is a stereotype that feedees are only in it to please a feeder. That angers me more than I can say because it completely denies my experience. I know how I feel about fat and the idea of being fatter, about gaining, about being stuffed: it arouses me. That is a fact that is in no way dependent upon the experience of anyone elsefeeder or not. I don't even have a feeder! There is no one around that I am trying to please.

Sure, I share photos and videos and stories, but I do not do that because I need approval. I do that because I'm having a good time being a soft flabby girl and I want to share it. Those photos and videos only really tell part of the storythey're a public face for a private fetish. When I'm alone and I start to imagine myself growing fatter, when I can see, in my mind, double and triple chins developing, or my belly growing so much that I can no longer even see my legs, I know how it makes me feel inside. That arousal I feel, often intense and crazy, isn't there because I'm trying to impress anyone: I'm alone. It's there because I'm a feedee and this is how I'm wired.

Is it possible that some people who claim to be feedees are only doing it because they want to be accepted by someone? Sure, but if that's why they are doing it, they aren't actual feedees. Someone is ONLY a feedee if *they themselves* get enjoyment from the act/fantasy. Period. Attempting to be accepted by someonesexually or otherwiseisn't a concept limited to the Feedism fetish. People do all kinds of things to attempt to be more sexually appealing to others. So the fact that it shows up in the Feedism community isn't something that's wrong with Feedism, it's just something to be expected because it shows up in the wider world.

Additionally, the idea that Feedism is only or even mostly about coercion is offensive! Someone who coerces or forces another person into something sexual (and I'm speaking of actual, not fantasy-based consensual coercion) isn't sharing a sexual fetish or even a sexual moment with that person; they are abusing that person. This isn't limited to Feedism and when it occurs, it is not because the person is a feeder, it's because the person has no respect for their partnerno matter what their orientation or fetish.

This kind of thing *does* happen, but it isn't more likely to happen in Feedism and to say otherwise presupposes that feeders are somehow more likely to be aggressors than other segments of the population and that feedees are somehow more likely to make themselves victims*. Forget the fact that such a presupposition is downright offensive, it doesn't even make logical sense. Feeders aren't mythical monsters, they're human beings with a certain predilectionthey come in all types: friendly, unfriendly, short, tall, generous, stingy, etc. Just like every other group of humans. And, yes, some people who claim the term feeder are jerks, but they're jerks anywayregardless of their fetish.

It has to be said that if what they're getting off on is forcing an unwilling or unaware partner into something and not the consensual experience of building and/or enjoying fat, they're *not* feeders, they're creeps or, likely, much worse. Obviously there can be a Dominant aspect to being a feeder, but Dominance isn't inherently abusive and not all feedism relationships/experiences are based on Dominant/submissive roles in the first place. Moreover, the feedee is just as likely to be the Dominant partner when D/s roles do emerge.

In short, feedees are not victims. I am *not* a victim. Like any other healthy, sexual adult, I know what I like: I know how I like it and what I'm willing to do and what I'm not willing to do to get it. Additionally, I have the courage and conviction to voice those desires and limits. That didn't suddenly go away because one of my kinks is being a feedee. My intelligence wasn't lessened the day I realized that being fat turned me on. I didn't lose my backbone the day I realized there might people out there who also enjoyed such things and who might also enjoy helping me on my quest (or at least in my fantasy) to be enormously fat and squishy. Being a feedee is sexual, it is about pleasure, it is not another word for victim.

----

* _Realize that I do not mean that victims make themselves so, only that there seems to be the idea that feedees do._


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## Ivy (Aug 29, 2010)

yes, yes, YES! x1000. i agree with all of this.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Aug 29, 2010)

I've said it before, I'll say it again.

This is powerful, well-reasoned, feminist win.


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## CastingPearls (Aug 29, 2010)

Well said, Rebecca.


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## Totmacher (Aug 29, 2010)

It really warms my heart to hear from someone who, "gets it" .


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## imfree (Aug 29, 2010)

Rebecca said:


> I am a feedee; I am *not* a victim. ...snipped...



I've never seen it expressed better. I'm a feedee
and was happiest at my heaviest.


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## Jim Miller (Aug 29, 2010)

Well said, Rebecca. You've perfectly encapsulated the essence of the faulty logic used to disparage feedists, and at the same time you have made yourself look no more or less normal than anybody whose tastes and identity are well-developed.

It's too bad you don't live in Seattle!


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## LifeTraveller (Aug 29, 2010)

Merciful Heavens. . .A feedee positive thread. . have my eyes deceived me, and there are people in agreement. . Thank Goodness NO, it's all true!

One of the best rants I've read in a long time. Yet I know there will be naysayers at some point. . Now having said that!

A very articulate statement Rebecca, probably the best I've ever seen and I was here way before dirt. . Kudos to you all.


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## stillblessed23 (Aug 29, 2010)

Can I give you a standing ovation for this! I just smiled the whole time I read this!


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## iglooboy55 (Aug 30, 2010)

I guess i underestimated the genuineness of the whole feeder/feedee concept. I never thought of it like that, and I wouldn't think people would be sick enough to mess with a girl's head and health in that way. The world now has more douche bags than i thought there were when i woke up today.


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## Oldtimer76 (Aug 30, 2010)

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Rebecca again."

Rebecca, I adore you:wubu:

:bow::bow::bow:


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 30, 2010)

Rebecca said:


> .... So the fact that it shows up in the Feedism community isn't something that's wrong with Feedism, it's just something to be expected because it shows up in the wider world...



This ought to be made into a home fragrance.


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## immobile1 (Aug 30, 2010)

I rarely post here but I'm glad someone dared the Dimensions Boards into accepting feedees and NOT compartmentalizing them.

Thank you Rebecca.


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## KHayes666 (Aug 30, 2010)

Let's see the people who've been running their mouths against feederism try to counter THAT.

Bravo to Rebecca


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## Paquito (Aug 30, 2010)




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## HeatherBBW (Sep 1, 2010)

I think that this post should be EVERYWHERE to define intelligently exactly what a Feedee is and is not. Thank you.

I know many have said similar things in the past, but this post was brilliant in that it wasn't buried as a defensive reply in a thread full of hate and misunderstanding, but just as a "Hey, this is how it REALLY is!". I wish we could "sticky" this post or make our own wikiFEEDia or something. Heh.


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## CastingPearls (Sep 1, 2010)

When I first came to Dims, I had a very vague idea of feederism and it was wrong. Yes, there are extremes that I'm uncomfortable with, but that goes with any preference, orientation, kink or fetish, not just having to do with food or fatties. Dims has enabled me to be much more open-minded than I ever expected.

There's a subtle elegance and give and take with it that intrigues me and warrants a second look.


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## Mishty (Sep 1, 2010)

HeatherBBW said:


> I think that this post should be EVERYWHERE to define intelligently exactly what a Feedee is and is not. Thank you.
> 
> I know many have said similar things in the past, but this post was brilliant in that it wasn't buried as a defensive reply in a thread full of hate and misunderstanding, but just as a "Hey, this is how it REALLY is!". I wish we could "sticky" this post or make our own wikiFEEDia or something. Heh.



I second that.

Wonderful thread Rebecca!


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## GratefulFA (Sep 3, 2010)

Hi,

Thanks for a wonderful post!!!

I have experienced both sides of the fence and have even gained on my own in the absence of a partner because the longing was so great.

It is definitely a very certain state of mind, not a political issue.

I have said many times in chat and writing:

I would rather be with a thin person who has a "fat head" (understands the topic of the room) than with a fat person who is merely tolerating "the condition".

GFA


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## Ample Pie (Sep 3, 2010)

I want to thank everyone who's commented on this post--either here or via rep. It means a lot and I'm glad the words that deal with my personal story ring true with other people as well.


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## vampirekitten (Sep 4, 2010)

I agree completely! I have always enjoyed getting fat. the thought of it, desires to see myself grow out of clothes. And I also am alone. I don't do it for anothers approval. I do it for me. Cause I like it, cause I want it, cause I enjoy it. Very well said and Wow great!


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## degek2001 (Sep 5, 2010)

vampirekitten said:


> I agree completely! I have always enjoyed getting fat. the thought of it, desires to see myself grow out of clothes. And I also am alone. I don't do it for anothers approval. I do it for me. Cause I like it, cause I want it, cause I enjoy it. Very well said and Wow great!


Hear, hear!
<3 Henk


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 5, 2010)

Rebecca said:


> Is it possible that some people who claim to be feedees are only doing it because they want to be accepted by someone? Sure, but if that's why they are doing it, they aren't actual feedees. Someone is ONLY a feedee if *they themselves* get enjoyment from the act/fantasy. Period. Attempting to be accepted by someonesexually or otherwiseisn't a concept limited to the Feedism fetish. People do all kinds of things to attempt to be more sexually appealing to others. So the fact that it shows up in the Feedism community isn't something that's wrong with Feedism, it's just something to be expected because it shows up in the wider world.
> 
> Additionally, the idea that Feedism is only or even mostly about coercion is offensive! Someone who coerces or forces another person into something sexual (and I'm speaking of actual, not fantasy-based consensual coercion) isn't sharing a sexual fetish or even a sexual moment with that person; they are abusing that person. This isn't limited to Feedism and when it occurs, it is not because the person is a feeder, it's because the person has no respect for their partnerno matter what their orientation or fetish.


 
Before I started posting at Dims, I had no understanding of the concept of feederism. I hadn't even heard of it. 

Rebecca, I understand everything that you've said, and clearly, you're both self aware and comfortable with who you are. 

When I express discomfort with feederism, it seldom has anything to do with the feedee. That's not because I see him/her as a victim. It's because he/she has nothing whatsoever to do with what pushes my own hot buttons. I get that feederism, at its best, involves mutally consenting adults.

What bothers me is that there are any number of very predatory men (and women) trolling about Dims, and there are ALSO a number of people who are vulnerable to the extent that they can be taken advantage of. They don't fit the definition of 'feedee' that you've so eloquently provided above. They are, simply put, allowing themselves to be used for someone else's sexual pleasure. It's not my job to save them. And it's not even their problems that concern me -- people will, eventually, learn. Or they won't, and that's a choice too.

Rather, it is that something in this particular Dims "culture" (for lack of a better term), seems to overtly encourage the predators. Some of whom have probably posted their own congratulatory messages here. So many men and women have been made to feel like their issues, their concerns, don't matter -- because talking about consequences of being very fat, and the encroaching health and mobility issues many of us face --- isn't something that inspires a boner. Or, rather, doesn't inspire many (there's always going to be the subset who gets off on other people's difficulties). You need to look no further than the tribute threads -- always going to be people in there, generally men, anxious to shut any kind of discussion down, any questions about how he or she may have died (under the guise of being 'respectful', of course). Or how about just about any thread started by Felicia, our *current* resident human pincushion (she'll soon be replaced by anyone else who dares to speak his/her personal truth, if said truth is threatening to enough people). 

What has bothered me the most lately has been those who rushed in to join (or circle) the wagon, parsing language to suit them, pulling out any comments that could be construed as the least bit provocative and then inflating that one misplaced word into the most important part of the overall message, and pretending that THE WORD was the message when it was in fact nothing whatsoever to do with the OP's intentions. Look at the branch-off "humor" threads after Felicia posted her feelings about unhealthy weight gain and the possibility of death. All of a sudden, she's a "good" fatty who's trying to preach at we "bad" fatties. It's as if any attempt at all to discuss another reality -- if it's a weight-related issue and MOST particularly if it's a _female_ weight-related issue -- is absolutely unwelcome here. In other words, feeder paradise. And I don't even need to guess at who the predators are. They're the ones throwing their own (meager) weight around, pointing fingers, yelling HOW DARE YOU and SHOW SOME RESPECT and NOT EVERY FAT PERSON IS GOING TO DIE FROM TEH FAT (as if anyone ever suggested that this were true in the first place). 

I know that what I've said isn't going to be popular, either. In fact, I've probably earned my own Dims vacation. So be it. I'm just so damn tired of feeling that I've slipped down the rabbit hole and into an alternative reality every time another of my friends is silenced and shown the door.

And yeah. I'm just "paranoid" and seeing "conspiracy theories" and any other blanket condemnation thrown out to shut me the hell up. Like, a humorless harpie. A shrew. A femi-nazi who doesn't like to see other women as sexually liberated. Take your pick. Doesn't make MY truth any less real to ME.


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## Ample Pie (Sep 5, 2010)

There are trolls and the vulnerable in EVERY situation. I take issue that some people (and I'm not even saying you) seem to think it's the largest part of Feedism.

And, I might say, that if this is how you see it, it could very well be that the only place you encounter it is in "Dim culture" and that doesn't really speak well of anyone. :cough: Hyde Park :cough:

If I pulled out every segment of the population here at Dim, I could bash them endlessly just with what I've read here:

Fat women who hate men who love fat.
Fat men who hate fat women.
FAs who are bitter against women because they do or do not want to gain or lose.
People who think the paysite women are whores (they aren't)
People who think the guys who frequent the paysites/board are all creeps (they aren't)

I could go on for effing days.

We're all a bunch of angry bastards here, especially recently (hence my exit in 2008 and my sporadic posting since.)

Lastly, I'm really not sure how I or this thread have shut down you or any of your friends. Or why you're bringing that accusation here. If you feel shut down, that is perhaps something to take up with the mods. I can honestly say that I have no power or will or desire to do such things, moreover, it takes just as much soapbox standing and shouting over the din to make a FEEDEE'S voice heard in this community. The fact that I'm asking for a little respect is in no way a threat to your rights.

Also, feedism, not just at its best, but at ALL is consensual. Otherwise, it's abuse. And they are not the same thing.


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## KHayes666 (Sep 5, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> What bothers me is that there are any number of very predatory men (and women) trolling about Dims, and there are ALSO a number of people who are vulnerable to the extent that they can be taken advantage of. They don't fit the definition of 'feedee' that you've so eloquently provided above. They are, simply put, allowing themselves to be used for someone else's sexual pleasure. It's not my job to save them. And it's not even their problems that concern me -- people will, eventually, learn. Or they won't, and that's a choice too.



Who exactly is "vulnerable" and will they agree with you in that assessment? Vague statements will usually be dismissed without proof.



TraciJo67 said:


> Rather, it is that something in this particular Dims "culture" (for lack of a better term), seems to overtly encourage the predators. Some of whom have probably posted their own congratulatory messages here. So many men and women have been made to feel like their issues, their concerns, don't matter -- because talking about consequences of being very fat, and the encroaching health and mobility issues many of us face --- isn't something that inspires a boner. Or, rather, doesn't inspire many (there's always going to be the subset who gets off on other people's difficulties). You need to look no further than the tribute threads -- always going to be people in there, generally men, anxious to shut any kind of discussion down, any questions about how he or she may have died *(under the guise of being 'respectful', of course)*. Or how about just about any thread started by Felicia, our *current* resident human pincushion (she'll soon be replaced by anyone else who dares to speak his/her personal truth, if said truth is threatening to enough people).



I love how you use people's deaths just as a tool to wag your finger at people you don't like. I have to live with the fact that my friends are no longer there for myself, their own friends and their own family to talk to and spend time with but all they meant to you is a footnote in your arguments. Felecia had been posting the same type of threads for YEARS. She asked the same questions over and over and over again as the threads became increasingly hostile. What she was saying herself may not have been so bad but the after effects led to fighting. Maybe she got banned for being a shit disturber, I don't know. I'm sure she'll tell us why she was on timeout when she gets back.



TraciJo67 said:


> What has bothered me the most lately has been those who rushed in to join (or circle) the wagon, parsing language to suit them, pulling out any comments that could be construed as the least bit provocative and then inflating that one misplaced word into the most important part of the overall message, and pretending that THE WORD was the message when it was in fact nothing whatsoever to do with the OP's intentions. Look at the branch-off "humor" threads after Felicia posted her feelings about unhealthy weight gain and the possibility of death. All of a sudden, she's a "good" fatty who's trying to preach at we "bad" fatties. It's as if any attempt at all to discuss another reality -- if it's a weight-related issue and MOST particularly if it's a _female_ weight-related issue -- is absolutely unwelcome here. In other words, feeder paradise. And I don't even need to guess at who the predators are. They're the ones throwing their own (meager) weight around, pointing fingers, yelling HOW DARE YOU and SHOW SOME RESPECT and NOT EVERY FAT PERSON IS GOING TO DIE FROM TEH FAT (as if anyone ever suggested that this were true in the first place).



How many times has someone posted a long detailed thread or post only to have Mossy point out the one single solitary thing that COULD be mistaken for something and then trash the person for it? It goes both ways really. As for Felecia posting about unhealthy weight gain and death, that was her OPINION. A lot of people didn't agree with her opinion because it wasn't FACT. Weight gain isn't healthy, but its shared by people who take interests in it the same with doing drugs, drinking, smoking or playing Russian Roulette. The people participating are well aware of the hazardous results that go with it. By you and Felecia saying people are "vulnerable" basically says that they can't think for or take care of themselves. That's why I'd love to see you name names just to see what the "vulnerable" have to say about that. 



TraciJo67 said:


> I know that what I've said isn't going to be popular, either. In fact, I've probably earned my own Dims vacation. So be it. I'm just so damn tired of feeling that I've slipped down the rabbit hole and into an alternative reality every time another of my friends is silenced and shown the door.
> 
> And yeah. I'm just "paranoid" and seeing "conspiracy theories" and any other blanket condemnation thrown out to shut me the hell up. Like, a humorless harpie. A shrew. A femi-nazi who doesn't like to see other women as sexually liberated. Take your pick. Doesn't make MY truth any less real to ME.



The reason your opinions are "unpopular" as you say are because they are different than the majority opinions. Whether that's fair or not, its a part of life in any sort of situation. Your friends used harsh and unnecessary methods to enforce their opinions, arguments and statements which is why they were shown the door. Not to say that their counterparts didn't use harsh and unnecessary methods to enforce their own counterpoints, but in the eyes of those who matter they were the ones who were doing the right thing.

The only question I have left is if you're unhappy with the way the site is run and if there's nothing you can do to change it, why would you still be here?


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## Ample Pie (Sep 5, 2010)

One more post script: I'm aware that the perception of Feedism is ALL GAIN ALL THE TIME, but I think that's inaccurate for a few reasons. 1: It isn't realistic. Weight gain takes time, it doesn't happen over night. 2: Some of us (and I know this is SHOCKING) are actually pretty smart and we're aware that the human body has limits. We compensate with the fact that the human mind does not have such limits. 

Every feeder I've ever known closely--and because I consider myself intelligent and because I have (another shocking moment coming) standards, I only associate with those who share a like-mindedness with me about the issue--has never had a problem with the idea of his/her feedee not gaining weight in reality (if that's what the situation called for) so long as there were still plenty of opportunities to indulge the fetish in other ways. And really, any feeder who wouldn't, who'd actually force the person with no concern for their wishes, isn't a "feeder" they're a controlling abusing pile of excrement.

My point is that being a feedee, I feel like I have unlimited control over my size. I feel like I am free to be as big (or not) as I want. I don't feel like I have to gain 5 lbs a week. I don't feel like I HAVE to get bigger at all. I feel like; whatever I am, whatever I want to be is okay and then, sometimes, I can just imagine I'm 800lbs and it gets me off--no one is hurt, not even me.


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## Ample Pie (Sep 5, 2010)

Crap, sorry for the continued thoughts, but this is something that's important to me. 

After re-reading my last post, I feel like I'm almost apologizing for those of us who like the idea of REAL weight gain as opposed to or (more likely) in addition to fantasy weight gain. 

*I AM MAKING NO SUCH APOLOGY BECAUSE ONE IS NOT NEEDED.*

Whatever weight someone is or wants to be is that person's business--no matter how they get there. Anyone who judges someone for their size--big or small, whether they got there by choice or happenstance--is a jerk in my book. I HATE the saying "real women have curves." No, no, they don't always. But it's okay if they do! And sometimes it's better than okay if they do!

I don't get dieting. I don't get trying to weigh less or be smaller. It can be pretty unhealthy, too, but in the end it just doesn't make aesthetic sense to me nor does it feel like me. I cannot imagine myself thin or even moderately fat. I cannot see it. When I try to picture it, it makes me uncomfortable...like if I suddenly woke up in a male body. It would feel wrong. So I don't get the whole "trying to lose weight/trying to be thin" thing, but I'm not about to judge someone who does it--even if his/her motive is just to look sexier for his/her desired mate (and you know that's one of the motives). I mean...it's NONE of my business.

The fact is, I just happen to feel exactly opposite: in the sense that I don't feel that running desire, need, whatever, to lose weight or to be thin. That concept is foreign to me, despite the fact that it's been shoved down my throat since I was a child. Still, you won't see me out having an anti-thin person or anti-dieter bashing fest/protest. Will not happen. Because I respect a person's right to choose.

What seems to get lost is that, really, as a feedee I AM the one _choosing _to gain when and if I do. My feeder isn't the one choosing it. Seriously, it's my choice, whether I'm single or not, whether I have a feeder or not. My feeder doesn't make that choice, I have to be the one to do it because I have to be the one to make the changes that make it happen. 

I make the choice as I do in any other decision that involves my body. What my feeder may or may not do (depending on his/her wishes) is: help me, encourage me, cheer me on, love the changes, enjoy the sensation, share a like-mindedness, share a desire, become an intimate part of the process, etc. 

It's like any other sex act, really. If I weren't open to it, I wouldn't participate, and it's only when I say "yes" that it happens. I mean, isn't that just kind of obvious? And I'm not trying to suggest anything about Dom/sub roles here--because that gets dicey and I'm by no means "Dom." I'm just saying it is (or at least should be) every person's choice when they participate in a sex act. And in the right circumstances it is my choice to gain weight with the help/participation of someone who enjoys it and about whom I care.

................

All this to say that if you don't like weight gain or weight loss, bully for you, but it isn't really your business what others do.


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## AnnMarie (Sep 5, 2010)

> What has bothered me the most lately has been those who rushed in to join (or circle) the wagon, parsing language to suit them, pulling out any comments that could be construed as the least bit provocative and then inflating that one misplaced word into the most important part of the overall message, and pretending that THE WORD was the message when it was in fact nothing whatsoever to do with the OP's intentions.




Yeah, sort of like when everyone went apeshit that Conrad used the words "So that's what Dimensions is and has always been, a size-positive place _for FAs and the people they admire_." Instead of reversing the order into "large people and FAs". When you're making a list, order doesn't denote hierarchy, but everyone made damn sure it sounded like that.

I'm not picking on you, Traci, just have to point out that it clearly isn't exclusive to either side and that everyone uses devices of argument when it suits their purpose. Splitting hairs is an internet merit badge.


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## Ample Pie (Sep 5, 2010)

_*fake mod voice*_

...And to mention that neither this thread nor the OP have stood in the way of you making your points here or in other threads.


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## mossystate (Sep 5, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> How many times has someone posted a long detailed thread or post only to have Mossy point out...



How many times has someone posted a long detailed thread or post only to have Mossy point out what the person thinks they are ' hiding ' in the 35 paragraphs. Maybe Mossy likes to zero in on what some will try and sweep under what she thinks is a load of horseshit. Maybe. 

Khayes, how weird is it that you bring me up here when you are talking to Traci. My having lived in Minnesota for 6 years when I was a kid...doesn't make me her...or the other way around. It's like you smelled something that almost fit in some wee way...and ran with it. 

Golly gee, I happen to think Felecia does do some of the good vs bad ' fattie ' ( barf ) thing...however, and this is important...my seeing how she does have a habit of doing that does not mean that the conversation that could be had, that doesn't place people in small boxes, shouldn't happen.....that the focus should remain on Felecia says a LOT about fears. The anger I can understand, because some of it was absolutely warranted - but some refuse to do more than give lip service to very real issues ( and I am not referring to anything in particular, including the topic of this thread ). Sometimes it's not the particular words that make people go apeshit...sometimes it's the very real collective thoughts, words, or lack of words that can have some folks connect dots.

Khayes, I wouldn't have even addressed your post if you had not brought me into it. you want this weight board to be some sanctuary ( well, except when there is some ' fun ' being had at the expense of people you don't feel all warm and fuzzy for )...then lose the dragging people into conversations who are not in the conversations. There ya go.
---

Rebecca, I am glad you spoke your truth.


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## Ample Pie (Sep 5, 2010)

And I'm really glad you got to express _your _truth, *again*, but I still question this being the proper location for it. I mean, you're allowed to post wherever and to make whatever point you might like, but wouldn't it be better in a place that deals more with that particular issue instead of this one. This thread, this topic, this poster have nothing to do with what's happening to your posts in other places, all you're doing is the same thing to my post that you're complaining about on your own--derailing it trying to score points for your argument.

And I think that's lame.


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## mossystate (Sep 5, 2010)

It is derailing...yup. I did it ( speaking only for myself, because that's how I do it ) because someone dragged me into his nonsense. If I had reported the post, it would have stayed. This way, the nonsense is addressed, and then it can allllll be deleted.


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## Ample Pie (Sep 5, 2010)

and thank you for helping to make that necessary.


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## LillyBBBW (Sep 5, 2010)

Tracijo, I could go to the top of the main board and begin a thread that calls for a discussion of the exact same issues that Felecia brought up. The issues would be identical except I would not incite a riot and get booted out of the forum for it like she did. It is not because I'm awesome, loved and accepted. It is because I would manage to discuss health issues without scapegoating people. If I should scapegoat someone accidentally and get called on it I would apologize. Why? Because I have a filter in place that teaches me that such practices are rude and serve no good purpose. The fact that you suspect that you will become a new martyr for this completely tepid non flammable post is almost terrifying in its audacity. It just shows that you really don't understand at all what anyone here is saying.




TraciJo67 said:


> Before I started posting at Dims, I had no understanding of the concept of feederism. I hadn't even heard of it.
> 
> Rebecca, I understand everything that you've said, and clearly, you're both self aware and comfortable with who you are.
> 
> ...


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Sep 5, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> Before I started posting at Dims, I had no understanding of the concept of feederism. I hadn't even heard of it.
> 
> Rebecca, I understand everything that you've said, and clearly, you're both self aware and comfortable with who you are.
> 
> When I express discomfort with feederism, it seldom has anything to do with the feedee. That's not because I see him/her as a victim. It's because he/she has nothing whatsoever to do with what pushes my own hot buttons.


 I'm a little confused by that last sentence. Do you mean "It's not because he/she has anything whatsoever to do with what pushes my own hot buttons"?



> I get that feederism, at its best, involves mutally consenting adults.


Three points. 
One, the term that the OP used and that I prefer is "feedism," not feederism. 
Second, do you need the "at its best"? It seems to assume predatory behavior as a default. I refer you to the quote in my signature. 
Three, I don't think you paid full attention the OP. She just told us that she is a happy feedee, satisfying her fetish as a subset of feedism, without a feeder. She is a case of "feedism involving one adult." (Whether a one person can be consider mutually consenting with theirself is a question for the Zen Buddists.) 



> What bothers me is that there are *any number* of very predatory men (and women) trolling about Dims, and there are ALSO *a number* of people who are vulnerable to the extent that they can be taken advantage of.



You don't specify a particular number. I don't quite see how the fact that predators and vulnerable people exist, and then a small portion of them visit this website, is relevant to the topic. 

Go to another large forum, and you may find a number of vulnerable people and predatory people. It's just that there, "A/S/L" is a more common PM to flood inboxes with than "how much do u way?". 




> They don't fit the definition of 'feedee' that you've so eloquently provided above. They are, simply put, allowing themselves to be used for someone else's sexual pleasure.


Anyone in particular? Again, plenty of people, online and offline, male and female, skinny and fat, allow themselves to be used. 



> Rather, it is that something in this particular Dims "culture" (for lack of a better term), seems to overtly encourage the predators.


It does? =/ Cuz, I really don't see that.
It might be possible to argue that they are _covertly_ encouraged, but unless people are actually posting threads like "Tell us about your hottest abusive relationship" or "101 Tips for Successful Sexual Predators," then *overt* is the wrong word to use, even if I give you the benefit of the doubt that such a culture exists here.




> Some of whom have probably posted their own congratulatory messages here.


Is there anything about the congratulatory messages that suggests they are predators, or are you just assuming high proportion of predators and statistical odds? 



> So many men and women have been made to feel like their issues, their concerns, don't matter -- because talking about consequences of being very fat, and the encroaching health and mobility issues many of us face --- isn't something that inspires a boner.



How many? Who are they? I ask this because I have definite evidence to the contrary. 
Vis, This fat person's health blog. One of the comments said


> very thoughtful post- glad that yo umentioned the importance of exercise as it is good for anyone regardless of their size....


This suggests to me that this person is made to feel his issues and concerns *do* matter. Boner inspiration or not, the posters *are* talking about the consequences of being fat and encroaching health issues. Nobody is silencing them.



> You need to look no further than the tribute threads -- always going to be people in there, generally men, anxious to shut any kind of discussion down, any questions about how he or she may have died (under the guise of being 'respectful', of course). Or how about just about any thread started by Felicia, our *current* resident human pincushion (she'll soon be replaced by anyone else who dares to speak his/her personal truth, if said truth is threatening to enough people).



I actually recommend looking further, or just looking at this forum. You will find a long-active pinned topic, The Reality of Dating an SSBBW, which is devoted to extensive discussion of the concerns, issues, and needs specific to very fat people. 


> It's as if any attempt at all to discuss another reality -- if it's a weight-related issue and MOST particularly if it's a _female_ weight-related issue -- is absolutely unwelcome here.


I refer you to those previous threads. It is not absolutely unwelcome there. There are plenty of post discussing weight-related issues in the thread I referred you to. 



> In other words, feeder paradise.


You seem to be inferring that all feeders want to suppress unpleasant facts about and discussion of weight gain issues. =/ I must disagree with that, and I ask you to either clarify your language or present evidence to support that point. 

I also think you may have missed some of the OP's points.



> Attempting to be accepted by someonesexually or otherwiseisn't a concept limited to the Feedism fetish. People do all kinds of things to attempt to be more sexually appealing to others. So the fact that it shows up in the Feedism community isn't something that's wrong with Feedism, it's just something to be expected because it shows up in the wider world.





> NOT EVERY FAT PERSON IS GOING TO DIE FROM TEH FAT (as if anyone ever suggested that this were true in the first place).


I, personally have read posts were people warned against weight gain by saying "It's all fun and games until she explodes." This is the internet, and no assertion is too ridiculous for somebody to suggest. 



> I know that what I've said isn't going to be popular, either.


Alright. However, I would point out that just because it's not popular, that doesn't mean that the people it's unpopular with are wrong, or that your viewpoint is being unfairly judged.



> In fact, I've probably earned my own Dims vacation.


To the best of my knowledge, people are banned and suspended from dims for violating the forum rules which they agreed to when they registered.



> And yeah. I'm just "paranoid" and seeing "conspiracy theories" and any other blanket condemnation thrown out to shut me the hell up.



I do not intend to use any blanket condemnations or shut anyone up. (Well, maybe I'd like to shut up Glenn Beck, but that's for different reasons.) 

It hurts me a bit that you assume I will use such rhetoric.  I strive to avoid blanket statements, and address points individually and specifically. 



> Like, a humorless harpie.


I do not consider you a humorless harpie. Nobody thus far has accused you of lacking a sense of humor, nor did the original poster address "lack of humor" in her points.



> A shrew.


Again, I don't see where this assumption is coming from. =/ I don't consider you a shrew. I don't think that closing a post by presuming antagonism is very productive. 



> A femi-nazi who doesn't like to see other women as sexually liberated.


I don't use the term "femi-nazi," as I like to think of myself as an enlightened feminist. 
I don't assume that you dislike seeing other women as sexually liberated, and find such a motivation improbable. 



> Doesn't make MY truth any less real to ME.



Alright. It also does not make your assertion of truth any more valid to other posters.


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## Ample Pie (Sep 6, 2010)

Fuzzy, I already loved you forever. But now I love you for even longer.


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## LillyBBBW (Sep 6, 2010)

I really take issue with this idea that somehow the culture here is a contributing factor to men who take advantage of fat women and make them into feedees against their will. Bear in mind, I'm not in denial that these things can and DO happen. I take issue because this is the same logic that is used when people blame pole dancers and prostitutes for sexual predators. You don't have to like or even agree with what the women are doing with their lives but the idea that they are somehow complicit in the actions of a man who mistreated you is dangerous because it shifts blame from the predator, empowers him/her to keep doing what s/he's doing and further encourages a victim's mentality. Go ahead and dislike feederism if you wish but I challenge the notion that feedees are the reason women keep meeting bad men. Incidentally the feedees aren't dating them either and find them as annoying as everyone else. This attempt at connecting the two empowers only the predator and weakens the rest of us.


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 6, 2010)

I thought about providing thoughtful responses here, but the truth is, most of what I've said doesn't really belong in Rebecca's thread, because it's not about feedism per se (btw thank you for the clarification, Fuzzy). Just a few points, on topic:

I don't dislike feedism. I don't dislike ANYTHING, for that matter, that consenting adults do. It may not be my thing, but it's damn hard to keep a relationship fresh and exciting and most of us have to settle for good enough (I fall into this latter category, and I'm not complaining -- what I miss in terms of excitement is more than made up for with love and mutual respect). And I don't assume by default that feedees are victims. I may have assumed that, ignorant ages ago, before people like Rebecca and many others were willing to share their experiences. As I mentioned, until I began posting at Dims, I didn't even know that feedism existed. 

Fuzzy, you know as well as I do that I cannot quantify, nor am I thoughtless (or ignorant) enough to name names. I do not believe that I have to parse numbers down to actual, real, scientific percentages in order to have a valid point, and I think you know this. But again, my concern isn't really about "poor, innocent, feedee victims" anyway. This isn't about you, Rebecca. To that end, I really should have found a better place to express my own frustration, and I'm sorry that I brought it here.


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## OneWickedAngel (Sep 6, 2010)

Lilly / Fuzzy / and especially Rebecca (bravo woman!), excellent posts.

Tracijo an excellent post for the counter opinion. The way I see it, were it not you, eventually it would have been someone else doing such. It has been my notice whenever anyone posts almost anything Feedism positive (like that term much more also - thanks Fuzzy/Rebecca!), there is always going to be a counter-post to the point somewhere along the line. Whether your specific post is unpopular or time-out/ban worthy, I doubt it. I'll give you the respect for stating so without malice to the OP, which cannot be said for other posts (and posters) in similar threads.


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## Ample Pie (Sep 6, 2010)

First, there wasn't much of a "counter opinion" presented, because the posts that could have been "counter opinions" only mentioned feedism in passing and dealt more in petty attempts to tell everyone how unfair it is here on the board. And then to give the same old cop-out that feedees don't feel what they feel, they're just desperate enough for affection/attention to fall victim to predators! You can couch it in terms like "vulnerable" but it all comes down to the same thing. 

To that end, I'd like to thank TraciJo67 for at least admitting that this might not have been the best place to start the other part of the conversation--especially given that this thread, in particular, isn't guilty of the infractions she so eloquently discussed. My reality (and this is my reality) doesn't negate the reality of anyone else here and I know that. But then their reality isn't necessarily decried and belittled in the official literature of even the one organization that claims to be for the advancement of fat people--and my reality is. 

Feedism paradise? Where? Not here. Not amongst other FA/SA people. Not in the wide world. Where the hell is this place?

For the record, there has always ALWAYS been "love and mutual respect" in ANY relationship I've had with a feeder, because there is NO way I'd trust that kind of relationship to someone for whom I didn't have those things---of course.

Also, all credit for the term "feedism" goes to Fuzzy Necromancer. It's his word, I just use it and love it.


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## Tooz (Sep 6, 2010)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> One, the term that the OP used and that I prefer is "feedism," not feederism.



Are you SERIOUS? This is a ridiculous "point" to make-- they're the same goddamn thing.

Do not mistake this for me taking sides with either party, I just thought this was nuts.


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## Ample Pie (Sep 6, 2010)

Tooz said:


> Are you SERIOUS? This is a ridiculous "point" to make-- they're the same goddamn thing.
> 
> Do not mistake this for me taking sides with either party, I just thought this was nuts.


In all fairness, this is an important point for him--and if you know him personally you know this. If not, then let me clarify--it wasn't meant as a dig at TraciJo nor was it meant to "score points via semantics" that really isn't Fuzzy's style--and I only say this because we have discussed the term at length. I know it might have come off that way, but I also know that it's just something that's important to him and it's important to me. It might seem insignificant to some and, thus, like a petty dig...but I know it wasn't meant that way. 

I'm not apologizing for Fuzzy, just trying to offer a point of view on the issue from someone who knows him and his motives.

You will never find someone less petty, with less of a need to get in a dig at someone, than Mr. Necromancer. And this is just the honest truth.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Sep 6, 2010)

Tooz said:


> Are you SERIOUS? This is a ridiculous "point" to make-- they're the same goddamn thing.



Well, not to me. "Feederism" implies that it's all about the feeders, and doesn't suggest feedee agency, or might just refer to the feeder fetish. "Feedism" means feedees and/or feeders involved. I can't help being nit-picky about word choice. I'm a creative writing major.


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## Judge_Dre (Sep 7, 2010)

It's such a pleasure to read such a well written and intelligent defense of the weight-gain lifestyle. I wish more people, including myself were as eloquent in promoting the community.


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## Tooz (Sep 7, 2010)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> Well, not to me. "Feederism" implies that it's all about the feeders, and doesn't suggest feedee agency, or might just refer to the feeder fetish. "Feedism" means feedees and/or feeders involved. I can't help being nit-picky about word choice. I'm a creative writing major.



I think you're adding meaning to the terms that previously was not there.

Shrug.


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## Ample Pie (Sep 7, 2010)

Given the way the term is used, I don't think it's him--I think it just happens and he's corrected it.


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