# An older man who has been sexually flirting with me asked me if I’m pregnant.



## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 21, 2018)

He’s been flirting with me sexually — or there is a possibility he has, anyway. He has rubbed my inner thighs, grabbed my breasts and nipples, pulled on my hair, et cetera...and even gave me a quick kiss on the lips Sunday!

The thing is, he has done these things in front of his buddies, so I cannot help but wonder if I’m just a big joke and they are doing it because I’m heavy. His friends, who are also his co-workers
and quite a bit younger themselves, laugh when he touches me.

Yesterday, this man asked me if I’m pregnant, my response simply stating that I’m just fat.

I did post a FB photo on Sunday that had me positioned in such a way that one could mistake me for being pregnant but I also could be mistaken for looking pregnant in general because my belly is very big.

I’m wondering if he asked me this for other reasons, like wanting to know if I have a baby daddy hanging around or am humping another dude.

He has straight up asked me if I have a boyfriend or the last time I banged but this was quite a while ago, so I’m skeptical he’d ask again but in a roundabout way.

Regarding the kiss, he walked by me and acted like he was gonna do it, but then pulled away at the last second, as if he was teasing me. He then came back a second time and planted one right on me.

He also asked for my number soon after we met and I declined, giving him my FB information instead. I then asked for HIS number semi-recently, months later, and HE declined, stating he’d just message me via FB; I felt rejected.

I wondering if, because of the quite possible sexual flirting, him asking me if I’m pregnant might have a different motivation, as opposed to a stranger doing the asking.

Care to share your thoughts?


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## BigElectricKat (Aug 21, 2018)

Whoa! I'm not sure I can even start. Since I don't know you or your personality, I won't get on my high horse and start blabbering about respect and self esteem (even though I just mentioned it and therefore must have a foot on my stepstool). I'm sure some of the strong confident women here (yes, I'm talkin' bout you DragonFly & BB) will have much to say about this. I'll just ask you a couple of questions privately and work from there.


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## BigElectricKat (Aug 21, 2018)

Now that you've answered my questions privately, some advice (take it for what it's worth).

Kissing and touching you without permission isn't a joke. It's sexual harassment, plain and simple. Unless it's explicitly invited, it's wrong on so many levels. I don't want to make broad assumptions about this guy but it seems as though he's toying with you. I can only guess as to what his motives are. Since you've told me that you are submissive and don't have the highest self-esteem, he may be preying on you for those very reasons. Some people get to thinking in their heads that because a person (man or woman) is overweight, that they will accept any attention that's visited upon them. That they'll endure poor behavior and harassment of every kind just because they are big. That shouldn't be the case. EVER. You shouldn't have to question whether or not this guy is for real or joking. If you have to question, then I bet deep down you know the answer.

On a side note: It's okay to be submissive in your dealings with others, especially when it comes to possible intimate relationships. You can be submissive yet still assertive in the way you wish to be treated.


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## fatlilboy (Aug 21, 2018)

Sounds to me like he's hitting on you bigtime - and maybe phishing for answers regarding pregnancy to make certain he could have a chance with you. He's a tease and you seem to dig him and what he's doing and how he's doing it and that's perfectly okay. If it makes you happy and turns you on, go for it and don't let anyone judge you.


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## loopytheone (Aug 21, 2018)

I agree with BEK completely. This guy sounds like an absolute creep of the highest level that is just taking advantage of a young woman. 

If somebody touched my breasts in public (even if they were my partner!) they would get a smack in the face.


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## landshark (Aug 21, 2018)

My first question to you is, do you want this attention from him? 

If yes, it’s still risqué on his part, but if you’re ok with it the biggest issue is doing it in what sounds like a professional setting.

If no, he’s not flirting with you, he’s sexually assaulting you. 

I think it’s important we understand how you feel about the physical contact. Are you consenting or not? The rest of the conversation goes from there.


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 21, 2018)

BigElectricKat said:


> Now that you've answered my questions privately, some advice (take it for what it's worth).
> 
> Kissing and touching you without permission isn't a joke. It's sexual harassment, plain and simple. Unless it's explicitly invited, it's wrong on so many levels. I don't want to make broad assumptions about this guy but it seems as though he's toying with you. I can only guess as to what his motives are. Since you've told me that you are submissive and don't have the highest self-esteem, he may be preying on you for those very reasons. Some people get to thinking in their heads that because a person (man or woman) is overweight, that they will accept any attention that's visited upon them. That they'll endure poor behavior and harassment of every kind just because they are big. That shouldn't be the case. EVER. You shouldn't have to question whether or not this guy is for real or joking. If you have to question, then I bet deep down you know the answer.
> 
> On a side note: It's okay to be submissive in your dealings with others, especially when it comes to possible intimate relationships. You can be submissive yet still assertive in the way you wish to be treated.



Sorry I was not clear before but I totally consent to this touching. I love it and bet he’d be a fantastic lover. I just don’t want him doing it only as a joke to make the other guys laugh, like a heavy women actually thought she’d have a chance and it’s hilarous to make me think I am pretty. This is but an example of the logic I’m afraid he is using.


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## LifelongFA (Aug 21, 2018)

Been biting my tongue all day waiting to respond to this, and at the risk of sounding like an out-of-touch old man, I don't have a good feeling about this. Flirting and pushing the envelope can be exciting (although this can be tricky when you never know for sure if both people are 100% on board with it). However, this seems completely over the line of acceptable behavior. This is 2018, after all. It is one thing to have some confidence and swag, it is quite another to be rude, overly aggressive physically and to say whatever the hell comes to mind to see how you and his friends will react. Remember this - a real man likes a challenge, and if he is real, he will respect you. You have to set boundaries or people will take advantage of you. You shouldn't let the banter be one-sided. Take the power back to your side. Be strong, be confident and be true to yourself. Don't short change yourself for someone who doesn't deserve you.


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## landshark (Aug 21, 2018)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> Sorry I was not clear before but I totally consent to this touching. I love it and bet he’d be a fantastic lover. I just don’t want him doing it only as a joke to make the other guys laugh, like a heavy women actually thought she’d have a chance and it’s hilarous to make me think I am pretty. This is but an example of the logic I’m afraid he is using.



Thanks for clearing that up. I’m glad to hear it’s consensual. So to your question, does he ever do it when there are no other observers?


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 22, 2018)

LifelongFA said:


> Been biting my tongue all day waiting to respond to this, and at the risk of sounding like an out-of-touch old man, I don't have a good feeling about this. Flirting and pushing the envelope can be exciting (although this can be tricky when you never know for sure if both people are 100% on board with it). However, this seems completely over the line of acceptable behavior. This is 2018, after all. It is one thing to have some confidence and swag, it is quite another to be rude, overly aggressive physically and to say whatever the hell comes to mind to see how you and his friends will react. Remember this - a real man likes a challenge, and if he is real, he will respect you. You have to set boundaries or people will take advantage of you. You shouldn't let the banter be one-sided. Take the power back to your side. Be strong, be confident and be true to yourself. Don't short change yourself for someone who doesn't deserve you.



He initiates everything -- I never do. Also, he lightly touched my belly when he asked if I was pregnant.


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 22, 2018)

happily_married said:


> Thanks for clearing that up. I’m glad to hear it’s consensual. So to your question, does he ever do it when there are no other observers?



He has tried to lure me to a more private location to have sex but I declined and stated that only his apartment will suffice.


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## DragonFly (Aug 22, 2018)

This guy sounds a bit of a controlling person. The displays in front of his buddies could be considered very disrespectful. Unless you really like his personality and want to have a relationship with him it sounds like a classic hookup. I don’t get a good vibe.


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 22, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> This guy sounds a bit of a controlling person. The displays in front of his buddies could be considered very disrespectful. Unless you really like his personality and want to have a relationship with him it sounds like a classic hookup. I don’t get a good vibe.



I've no problem with it being just for sex. I've been wanting it with him.


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## DragonFly (Aug 22, 2018)

Make sure it is safe and have fun! If it is consensual, and what you want, then go for it!


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 22, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> Make sure it is safe and have fun! If it is consensual, and what you want, then go for it!



I just hope he is touching me because he is attracted to me, not because he is using me as a joke to make his friends laugh. Not sure if this is my insecurity or what. I wonder if he is doing it to be macho.

If it matters, he is a Mexican man 14-15 years my senior. Mexican culture highly values masculinity to the point that many people believe it's toxic.

I wonder if he does, in fact, like me and is touching me because of that but also to show off in front of his friends.

The kiss was unexpected and quite nice.


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## DragonFly (Aug 22, 2018)

Tough call, I’m not sure what I would do.


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 22, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> Tough call, I’m not sure what I would do.



He always comes to me. I don't ever initiate.


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## landshark (Aug 22, 2018)

Next question: are you comfortable being a side fling for him? 

Sorry so many questions. He may not be interested in a relationship but does want sex. Not uncommon, surprisingly enough!  Anyway, see if you can figure out what he wants. If all he wants is a FWB type thing and you are okay with that, then make whatever arrangements you need to make. If he wants a serious relationship and you are on board with that then let him know and be willing to move slowly. (My guess is he wants a FWB because guys who want relationships are probably less likely to be physically flirty and aggressive the way you described this guy.)

If your fears prove founded and it’s just a joke to him in front of his friends, let him know the joke is over. Shut that shit down with extreme prejudice. You have more dignity than to be a punchline for someone who’s just showing off in front of his friends. You may miss that physical contact at first but believe me your self respect is worth it.


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 23, 2018)

happily_married said:


> Next question: are you comfortable being a side fling for him?
> 
> Sorry so many questions. He may not be interested in a relationship but does want sex. Not uncommon, surprisingly enough!  Anyway, see if you can figure out what he wants. If all he wants is a FWB type thing and you are okay with that, then make whatever arrangements you need to make. If he wants a serious relationship and you are on board with that then let him know and be willing to move slowly. (My guess is he wants a FWB because guys who want relationships are probably less likely to be physically flirty and aggressive the way you described this guy.)
> 
> If your fears prove founded and it’s just a joke to him in front of his friends, let him know the joke is over. Shut that shit down with extreme prejudice. You have more dignity than to be a punchline for someone who’s just showing off in front of his friends. You may miss that physical contact at first but believe me your self respect is worth it.



I'll be perfectly content to just get sex out of him. Do you consider this to be aggressive behavior, even though I was the one who initiated it in the very beginning by "jokingly" asking for a butt rub? That is all I did -- he has initiated since then.

They laugh when he does it. I have also heard him say, "Mamo las tetas!"

"I suck the tits!" is what this means.


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## agouderia (Aug 23, 2018)

I just imagined I was witnessing the scene you describe FBD in public. 
Even among an actual known couple, such actions are of questionable taste.

But among what are casual acquaintances those actions are totally out of line. As a bystander, I would call him out on it and tell him it is a case for pressing criminal charges.

Even if you like the attention - you should consider how it comes across to him and his buddies.

He is degrading you in public, excessively affirming his superior status as a man to you as a (fat) women. You are nothing but an object in this scene, and one that isn't even worth very much accepting such treatment. 
And unfortunately you are also confirming all prejudices about fat women who are willing to put up with anything for some attention.

Consider if that is how you want to be seen and see yourself.


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## BigElectricKat (Aug 23, 2018)

I'm going to recuse myself from any further discussion on this subject. Otherwise my mouth (or at least my fingers) will get me into trouble.


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 23, 2018)

BigElectricKat said:


> I'm going to recuse myself from any further discussion on this subject. Otherwise my mouth (or at least my fingers) will get me into trouble.



Why would you think that?


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 23, 2018)

agouderia said:


> I just imagined I was witnessing the scene you describe FBD in public.
> Even among an actual known couple, such actions are of questionable taste.
> 
> But among what are casual acquaintances those actions are totally out of line. As a bystander, I would call him out on it and tell him it is a case for pressing criminal charges.
> ...



Not sure I agree with this. He is a FB friend and can clearly see, when I post FB photos, that I am not deprived of attention. I also don't put up with "anything" -- he has tried to lure me to a more private place that was still in public but I declined. I also don't ever initiate it, like I said -- he always comes to me first. 

For what it's worth, he is kinda fat too. He would be considered, at the very least, overweight -- or even morbidly obese -- by any doctor who sees him.

You cannot press criminal charges if it's consensual.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 23, 2018)

I get that you like his attention. I get that you find him attractive.
What don't I get? Why he is free to kiss and touch you in public but you can't have his number.
That has the stench of married (or in another relationship) to me.
I think you should know ahead of time if some jealous significant other of his may try to hurt you in the future.
It's not about him finding you attractive- he does. The reason you have a hard time figuring him out is because he's hiding something.


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 24, 2018)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I get that you like his attention. I get that you find him attractive.
> What don't I get? Why he is free to kiss and touch you in public but you can't have his number.
> That has the stench of married (or in another relationship) to me.
> I think you should know ahead of time if some jealous significant other of his may try to hurt you in the future.
> It's not about him finding you attractive- he does. The reason you have a hard time figuring him out is because he's hiding something.




He originally asked for my number months ago when we first met, but I declined, though I gave him my FB information. He then requested friendship but would not take my number when I offered it months later. This makes me wonder if I am being toyed with and what the deal is. I have found him on another social media account and saw no evidence of a spouse or girlfriend and certainly do not see any evidence of one in person.

How can you be so certain he finds me to be attractive? How do you know he isn't touching and kissing me solely to make them laugh at me because I am fat?


I don't think he'd add me to his social media account and "like" some of my stuff when his friends and family are on there, people who would know if he is taken and, therefore, possibly cause a stink.

Maybe, if he has someone, they were not living there at them time, but moved in, so he no longer feels safe but, since he added me beforehand, feels it's not a problem. I don't know.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 24, 2018)

There are people who have more than one social media accounts. His S.O. may also be from a different country and not speak English.
Notice how it's about him calling you and not vice versa? You will never get his number- that's why he won't call you now....so you can't have it. He sees you as much and when he wants to see you already.

A man won't go to as much trouble as he has for a woman he doesn't find physically attractive- period. You're young and pretty and you are presenting yourself as an "opportunity" to him.
He wants to take you behind the dumpster and drop his load into/on you. Sorry if that's crude and hurts your feelings. You did make this thread and ask for advice. You should know what you're into ahead of time.
I'm sharing my great Chinese wisdom with you.

He digs your boobs and your ass. How wonderful. The rest of you? I suspect he doesn't care so much about from the way he is treating you. He has relegated you as some type of show or joke in front of his friends...but that is to feed his ego- not make fun of your weight.
If you're okay with him doing a quick drive by on you in the alley and then treating you like a bug that's been squished on the bottom of his shoe afterwards, then go for it. Oh and he still won't call you/give you his number after he fucks you. Matter of fact, that would be when the fat comments an real cruelty will come into play. 
Personally, I think you can do and deserve much better. You should, too. Self esteem feels sooo much better than what this turd is trying to give you.


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## landshark (Aug 24, 2018)

FBD, I know GEF’s comments may seem a little harsh but I completely agree. 

Something you should try: let him know there will be no further contact unless he is willing to meet on your terms. That is, give you his number, etc. Let him know it’s put up or shut up time and if he won’t play ball you need to walk away. 

Expect him to test your resolve. When he does, remind him of where you stand, let him know he’s getting a warning, and that the next one is getting reported. 

You definitely deserve better. You have to believe this about yourself though.


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## BigElectricKat (Aug 24, 2018)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> There are people who have more than one social media accounts. His S.O. may also be from a different country and not speak English.
> Notice how it's about him calling you and not vice versa? You will never get his number- that's why he won't call you now....so you can't have it. He sees you as much and when he wants to see you already.
> 
> A man won't go to as much trouble as he has for a woman he doesn't find physically attractive- period. You're young and pretty and you are presenting yourself as an "opportunity" to him.
> ...


Good points, all GEF. I didn't want to go there because I could see it coming off as though I were jealous (and in a way that wouldn't be far from the truth).


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## FatBarbieDoll (Aug 24, 2018)

BigElectricKat said:


> Good points, all GEF. I didn't want to go there because I could see it coming off as though I were jealous (and in a way that wouldn't be far from the truth).



Jealous (the correct word is actually "envy", as jealousy is when you fear losing what you have and envy is wanting what others have)? Why? Of whom?


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## BigElectricKat (Aug 24, 2018)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> Jealous (the correct word is actually "envy", as jealousy is when you fear losing what you have and envy is wanting what others have)? Why? Of whom?


You are right. "Envious" is the correct word.


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## landshark (Aug 24, 2018)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> Jealous (the correct word is actually "envy", as jealousy is when you fear losing what you have and envy is wanting what others have)? Why? Of whom?



Well I learned a subtle but real disctiction today.


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## DragonFly (Aug 26, 2018)

Going to throw my intuition into this one. There are times when a thread pops up with a well meaning person asking a question that takes a direction that makes me uncomfortable. @FatBarbieDoll you came with questions and from what I can see the Dims family has put their thoughts, concerns and time into responding to your posts. 

At this point, it comes down to my now questioning the initial scenario and what you are looking for from this group. If the behavior is truly as you described, I am uncomfortable giving much advice. Many other things are coming into play and I feel the need to kindly suggest you seek out some professional advice. I know you have mentioned words like “consensual”, but my intuition says that I’m not agreeing with the information points in your dialog. Concern for what you accept from those around you makes me worry that you are accepting things because you feel you have no other option. 

On the other hand maybe you are just searching for opinions on some questionable behaviors and topics as a basis for some fiction writing? 

One thing I know is that when you ask for an opinion around here people give freely. Taking advantage of that is not looked upon favorably.


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## ScreamingChicken (Aug 26, 2018)

Consenting adults and all that good stuff but... I am at a loss here. I am not sure what you are seeking. Help? Advice? Validation? Attention?


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## fuelingfire (Aug 28, 2018)

If all you want from this guy is a hook up, which you said you are interested in, I think most of the poster have been a bit harsh. Having said that, he does not want a relationship. His unprompted public groping does scream that he doesn’t respect you, and you are just an object to him. He is a creeper.

This first happened months ago? Is he still groping you all this time? I think you are building this guy up again just like the other men you have mentioned in the past, if I remember correctly.

To answer your lingering question, the easiest way to tell if his behavior is a joke, next time he gropes you is to return the favor. If he laughs, looks around to see who is watching, or stops, it’s a joke. If not a joke, he will escalate his affection. You could always ask if he likes fat women. This really isn’t rocket science.


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## Mark02 (Sep 11, 2018)

The guy is immature. If you two hook up he's definitely going to tell his friends and joke about it.


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