# im such a closet fa



## mustangbbw (Feb 10, 2007)

i have been a long time lurker for the longest time and i guess it is good 2 get this off my chest. have always dated skinny girls cuz society tells me thats what i want. but its not i love bbws. i just need a little encouragement!!!!


----------



## Jon Blaze (Feb 10, 2007)

Sorry to hear about your trouble. All I can say is to start becoming more active in the community. I'm sure many of us here are able answer anything you have to ask, as well as encourage you to take that first step out.

I got more comfortable with my preference by getting increased confidence in many facets of my life. It might take some time (it took me 6 1/2 years), but in the end, you will feel a whole lot better.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Feb 10, 2007)

You should go to a size acceptance club. I was SO nervous, thinking it'd be like 10 lonely ladies standing around chatting with each other. I was VERY pleasantly surprised to see ALL walks of life around. Every age... every body type, etc.

I was so pleasantly surprised I had a big wide Cheshire Cat grin saying how awesome I thought it was people could go out to a club and be stared at in a nice way/not be judged.


----------



## ripley (Feb 10, 2007)

I'm so jaded.


----------



## mossystate (Feb 10, 2007)

I am so suspicious.


----------



## love dubh (Feb 10, 2007)

I have three words to say to you.

What. a. tool.


----------



## furious styles (Feb 10, 2007)

ah fat girls...the forbidden fruit... 

?___?

_don't let your friends see you!!_


----------



## mossystate (Feb 10, 2007)

Amazing how many 'new' people are coming out here..today...at Dims..long time lurkers...etc..hmmmmm..heh


----------



## UberAris (Feb 10, 2007)

Shit, someone likes fat girls! Don't tell anyone... they might say something...

(...)


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Feb 10, 2007)

Jon Blaze said:


> Sorry to hear about your trouble. All I can say is to start becoming more active in the community. I'm sure many of us here are able answer anything you have to ask, as well as encourage you to take that first step out.
> 
> I got more comfortable with my preference by getting increased confidence in many facets of my life. It might take some time (it took me 6 1/2 years), but in the end, you will feel a whole lot better.


Pssst, JB! 6.5 years is all of your puberty/adolescence! You got right in the "acceptance" thing from the very beginning!


----------



## Krissy12 (Feb 10, 2007)

I'm not admonishing you, but I keep wondering why there has to be this big "coming out" when someone likes BBWs. It's not like you're admitting you're a drug addict or a thief.

You know, I guess I understand that society sees it as some sort of admission of guilt or something...but be a HUMAN BEING and don't give a rat's what other people think.


----------



## wrestlingguy (Feb 10, 2007)

mustangbbw said:


> i have been a long time lurker for the longest time and i guess it is good 2 get this off my chest. have always dated skinny girls cuz society tells me thats what i want. but its not i love bbws. i just need a little encouragement!!!!



Well, if you're telling the truth, welcome. The boards here alone should be more than enough encouragement for you. There are lots of women of all shapes, colors, insights that you should be able to find one, or several that may be compatible with you.

That being said, I have never wuite understood what kind of encouragement one would need to satisfy one's preference for a larger sized person. Mebbe it was the way I was raised, but my parents always said to "find the person that will make you happy". What others thought never entered my mind.

And Mustang, just keep in mind that just because you feel you need some encouragement in this endeavor, not every gal in here is going to PM you to try to "bring you along". So many of them are sick to death of the "fat curious" and the "closet FA" that that they choose not to open their inner selves to you, having been taken back emotionally by so many of the posers & trolls that also spend time in this community.

I wish you well.


----------



## waldo (Feb 10, 2007)

wrestlingguy said:


> Well, if you're telling the truth, welcome. The boards here alone should be more than enough encouragement for you. There are lots of women of all shapes, colors, insights that you should be able to find one, or several that may be compatible with you.
> 
> That being said, I have never wuite understood what kind of encouragement one would need to satisfy one's preference for a larger sized person. Mebbe it was the way I was raised, but my parents always said to "find the person that will make you happy". What others thought never entered my mind.
> 
> ...



Yes, and the posers and trolls make it difficult for a legitimate newcomer to be accepted without an initial period of skepticism from the established members. So I guess it just requires some patience and perseverence on the part of said newcomer. But some of these new posters do seem a bit more suspicious than others and are bound to raise more red flags. It might be better for people to ignore these suspicious new members if they don't want to give the benefit of the doubt instead of all these posts calling them out as suspected trolls.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 10, 2007)

Krissy12 said:


> I'm not admonishing you, but I keep wondering why there has to be this big "coming out" when someone likes BBWs. It's not like you're admitting you're a drug addict or a thief.
> 
> You know, I guess I understand that society sees it as some sort of admission of guilt or something...but be a HUMAN BEING and don't give a rat's what other people think.



I suspect this is why some of us BBWs get a distinct feeling of absolute disgust for guys like him....


----------



## Placebo (Feb 10, 2007)

Encouragement? sound to me like you're looking for justification, or even worse....an excuse

By society, I'm assuming you're foccussing on the immediate circle that makes up your friends.

Here's a hint, there's a 50 50 chance they are either going to react horribly to it, or not care at all (they'll still find it peculiar and not understand I'm sure, but won't care one way or another)

If the people around you can't get over it, then they don't belong in your life and were never your friends to begin with. If it's a family member who can't get over it, then they don't know what the meaning of unconditional is and they dont belong there either.
Get over yourself, grow some cahones and do what feels right, because if you don't, it's going to cost you much more in the end.


----------



## Butterbelly (Feb 10, 2007)

Placebo said:


> Encouragement? sound to me like you're looking for justification, or even worse....an excuse
> 
> By society, I'm assuming you're foccussing on the immediate circle that makes up your friends.
> 
> ...



I couldn't have said it better myself


----------



## BigCutieSasha (Feb 10, 2007)

Mustang, how old are you ? I'm just curious. Sometimes the teenage years can be so crule when your trying to really be yourself. I'm not going to give you a bad time for feeling like you can't be open about your preferences. I went many years always going along with my friends and their new diet plans. Saying I want to lose weight! I would say I hate my fat and I want to be thin. Because thats what my family always said they wanted me to be, and what my friends all thought I should be. 
Its really no ones place to tell you when and how to come out. When its right for you, you will take that chance with a nice fatty, and it will be wonderful. You will wonder why you ever waited so long.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 10, 2007)

Mustang, you have to make up your mind to pursue the women you really want to be with on your own terms. We FAs are on the cutting edge of society and our mentality is 100 years ahead of the rest of the country. Derision and criticism are things we need to expect. Don't worry about what your friends might think. If they can't accept the women in your life, then you should find some new friends. 

Also, become active in the size acceptance community and in your local community. It's hard to meet women when you don't feel comfortable with yourself.

Keep your head up and walk tall. You are a unique individual with dignity. There is no reason to be in a closet. Be true to yourself. There is nothing wrong with you that you have a preference that some may consider to be unorthodox/deviant etc.




mustangbbw said:


> i have been a long time lurker for the longest time and i guess it is good 2 get this off my chest. have always dated skinny girls cuz society tells me thats what i want. but its not i love bbws. i just need a little encouragement!!!!


----------



## LillyBBBW (Feb 10, 2007)

I think it would be much better for you Mustang if you were to have some kind of material knowledge or awareness of the women you desire rather than viewing them in the abstract, like they are distant mythical creatures you've only seen in National Geographic. I know that I would not put up with anyone talking smack about my family or my friends. I think most people feel that way about someone who is personal to them yet they can remain passive if someone says something bad about a celebrity or politician. You have to get out there and meet people, get to know them, become friends, relate to them, etc. When you are able to see the warm living human person behind the legend you or your friends have created in your mind it may become easier for you to stand firm on what you know than to be swayed easily because you are uncertain. 

Hanging out here in this community is a great start. Welcome from lurkdom.


----------



## ucapaliuca (Feb 10, 2007)

I suggest just finding someone compatible with you no matter the size. Love, and thereby dating, should transcend such things. Watch "Harold and Maud" for a well done story about just that.

Oh, I don't post much because I don't always have anything to say. I'd rather save my comments for the times when I can add to a conversation.


----------



## Fuzzy Necromancer (Feb 10, 2007)

ripley said:


> I'm so jaded.



I'm so topazed.


----------



## Placebo (Feb 10, 2007)

I'm so tourmalined.


----------



## waldo (Feb 10, 2007)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Mustang, you have to make up your mind to pursue the women you really want to be with on your own terms. We FAs are on the cutting edge of society and our mentality is 100 years ahead of the rest of the country. Derision and criticism are things we need to expect. Don't worry about what your friends might think. If they can't accept the women in your life, then you should find some new friends.
> 
> Also, become active in the size acceptance community and in your local community. It's hard to meet women when you don't feel comfortable with yourself.
> 
> Keep your head up and walk tall. You are a unique individual with dignity. There is no reason to be in a closet. Be true to yourself. There is nothing wrong with you that you have a preference that some may consider to be unorthodox/deviant etc.



That was a great post with some excellent encouraging words. Kudos :bow:


----------



## toni (Feb 10, 2007)

Placebo said:


> Get over yourself, grow some cahones and do what feels right, because if you don't, it's going to cost you much more in the end.



I couldn't agree with you more Placebo. It is TIME for the "closet FAs" TO MAN UP!


----------



## PhillyFA (Feb 11, 2007)

mustangbbw said:


> i have been a long time lurker for the longest time and i guess it is good 2 get this off my chest. have always dated skinny girls cuz society tells me thats what i want. but its not i love bbws. i just need a little encouragement!!!!



What you need a is a good kick in the ass. You're more worried over what people will say about you than your own happiness? Get real. I'm proud to say that I've never dated a skinny woman. In fact, I've never been with anyone who was under 200 lbs.


----------



## Checksum Panic (Feb 11, 2007)

mustangbbw said:


> i have been a long time lurker for the longest time and i guess it is good 2 get this off my chest. have always dated skinny girls cuz society tells me thats what i want. but its not i love bbws. i just need a little encouragement!!!!



Dude, seriously, do WHATEVER THE HELL you want. Don't give two Sh*ts about what other people think , or your going to find yourself VERY unhappy for a long time. if your friends are actually your friends, then they'll be cool with it. It's pretty simple in the long run.


----------



## CleverBomb (Feb 12, 2007)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> I'm so topazed.



I'm so skeptical that I've become an amethyst.

-Rusty


----------



## dedhart (Feb 13, 2007)

Just remember that any embarasment or ridicule you might suffer is nothing compared to what most BBW's go through, they do not have the option of hiding in the closet.


----------



## Tooz (Feb 13, 2007)

dedhart said:


> Just remember that any embarasment or ridicule you might suffer is nothing compared to what most BBW's go through, they do not have the option of hiding in the closet.



Haha. Kind of a good point. You'll never see "I'm a closet BBW!" It doesn't work that way.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Feb 13, 2007)

They can be closet BBWs on the net.. I know I was. And sometimes am.


----------



## Tooz (Feb 13, 2007)

Famouslastwords said:


> They can be closet BBWs on the net.. I know I was. And sometimes am.



But those are Secret Internet Fatties.


----------



## Ducksnort (Feb 13, 2007)

yknow what, i think you all are giving this guy too hard a time...it CAN be hard to admit anything different about yourself to everybody else, why be mean to him about it?

i mean, yeah, maybe its a fake post...but still. how many BBWs were totally comfortable about being a bbw before they realized lots of guys dig it? some, sure, but i bet not most.

anyways...im just being pissy. I wanted to be topaz too, but all thats left is like weak-sauce Lapis lazuli.


----------



## wrestlingguy (Feb 13, 2007)

Ducksnort said:


> yknow what, i think you all are giving this guy too hard a time...it CAN be hard to admit anything different about yourself to everybody else, why be mean to him about it?
> 
> i mean, yeah, maybe its a fake post...but still. how many BBWs were totally comfortable about being a bbw before they realized lots of guys dig it? some, sure, but i bet not most.
> 
> anyways...im just being pissy. I wanted to be topaz too, but all thats left is like weak-sauce Lapis lazuli.



I agree with Ducksnort here. My first post in this thread took a somewhat accepting tone, inasmuch as I didn't flame him for his admission, simply trying to direct him to follow his passion, rather than giving into his "friends". 

Notice that he hasn't posted since. I think it may be for the somewhat condemning tone that many of the other posters took. Often, we have a tendency here to overreact (myself included), especially when it comes to defending the masses who congregate here.

In doing so, however, we also tend to alienate those who question in an effort to try to understand, viewing their questions as somehow threatening us here. I realize that most have had to do that over the years in the "outside world", but there are times when I think we should exercise more tolerance here.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Feb 13, 2007)

Ducksnort said:


> i mean, yeah, maybe its a fake post...but still. how many BBWs were totally comfortable about being a bbw before they realized lots of guys dig it? some, sure, but i bet not most.




Excuse me? How many of us were comfortable being ourselves before we knew there were "lots of guys who dig it?" Are you KIDDING me? Believe it or not, women's self esteem does NOT solely ride on being objectified sexually by men. I had self esteem long before I realized there were men who could be attracted to me. And I doubt I'm an exception to the rule.

Let me put it this way - does YOUR self esteem rely solely on what women think of you? If so, you may want to reevaluate.


----------



## Canadian (Feb 13, 2007)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Let me put it this way - does YOUR self esteem rely solely on what women think of you?



Mine does.

Any my Mom thinks I'm the coolest guy ever, so I'm all full of myself and shit. 
Huge ego.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Feb 13, 2007)

Canadian said:


> Mine does.
> 
> Any my Mom thinks I'm the coolest guy ever, so I'm all full of myself and shit.
> Huge ego.


We better just hope your mom continues to love you unconditionally, then.


----------



## Ducksnort (Feb 14, 2007)

nah, i dont want to re evaluate. im happy being right-ish....no one can take away the -ish.

calm down tho, im not attacking anybody, cmon! You can be right-ish too...go ahead, it feels good


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Feb 14, 2007)

You HONESTLY believe women's self esteem is dependent on what men think of them? Really? You must be a UK frat boy (and before anyone jumps all over me, I went there - I know what I'm talking about).

ETA: UK in this instance = University of Kentucky, not United Kingdom. My apologies to our British friends.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Feb 14, 2007)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> You HONESTLY believe women's self esteem is dependent on what men think of them? Really? You must be a UK frat boy (and before anyone jumps all over me, I went there - I know what I'm talking about).
> 
> ETA: UK in this instance = University of Kentucky, not United Kingdom. My apologies to our British friends.



Things always feels much better when you know that someone has your back. Interviews, auditions, exams, etc. always seem to go down easier when you have moral support. Does that necessarily mean you are nothing unless you have someone yelling, "Way to go Susan!" as you move along? No, but it certainly doesn't hurt. "You'd be nothing without us," does not apply as some FA's come off as believing but at the same time I think FA's take an unnecessary beating if they appear to be getting too much in the way. Acknowledging a cheering crowd doesn't necessarily have to equal diminishing your achievements.

The hero complex seems to come into play when someone puts more stock behind their cheering where it is unwarranted. Your cheers won't do anything to help someone who refuses to enter the race or is uninterested in winning. This applies both to BBWs and closet FAs. All the cheering in the world isn't going to help them, only they can do that. Cheering only helps those who are willing to help themselves otherwise it's a waste of your breath.


----------



## Tooz (Feb 14, 2007)

Ducksnort said:


> yknow what, i think you all are giving this guy too hard a time...it CAN be hard to admit anything different about yourself to everybody else, why be mean to him about it?



The thing is fat people can't conceal their "difference", but they STILL may feel uncomfortable. To hear someone whining about this ("Boo hoo I like fatties, but WHAT IF PEOPLE FIND OUT, EVERYONE WILL HATE ME.") for fear of being cast out-- fat people don't have a choice. You can't hide being fat. I don't know, Mr. Ducksnort-- I don't feel bad for him, and your line of logic pisses me off.


----------



## Ducksnort (Feb 14, 2007)

well, I guess you just want to be pissy about something, regardless of what it is. I have no idea what your problem is. I dont care if my line of logic pisses you off, and i do not think womens' self esteem relies on what men think of them. Thats not what I said, and if thats how you took it, then it was unintentional. and about a choice about hiding differences or whatnot...how is it fair to say "i cant hide my difference, so i dont feel bad for you hiding yours?" i suppose it seems fair to some people, but it doesnt sound very compassionate to me.

what i do say is that we depend to some degree on what others think, or we do at some time, when we feel vulnerable...how about not everyone, not even most, but a lot. or some. whatever word works for you. For instance, are we not all in this particular location (dimensions) for some acceptance? is that not the phrase, 'fat acceptance'? yet this guy gets burned. It hasnt always been like that here.

No, i did not, and do not, go to UK. Try the other school in town for my undergrad. Why that would matter, i have no idea. 

Seriously, i didnt attack anyone. why are you being like this? I wouldnt get on here just to insult someone (or entire groups of people) on purpose. I think you misunderstood me, or I misspoke. Either way, Im sorry for that. But I stand by saying the dude doesnt deserve to be talked down to for being afraid.

On an entirely separate and unrelated topic, I hope you enjoyed Lexington while you were there. Can 2 at-one-time Kentuckians let something go?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 14, 2007)

Gee, I try soooo hard to be fair in my thinking - and it's very hard at times- but I just don't have it in me to feel any kind of compassion towards anyone that is willing to say they would be ashamed to be seen with me. Yeah, I must be some kind of bitch..... :doh: 

Comparing women being fat and men that like them is not accurate, imo. Compare the BBWs to the BHMs if you need some kind of chart. I have said it before and will now say it again. If I found myself attracted to a man that weighed 300 pounds and offered me all I wanted out of a relationship, am I going to let the ignorant opinions of friends/family dictate my happiness to me simply because he didn't meet their weight requirements? Hell no...
You can also apply this to more than weight requirements of others- say the man had an odd haircut, didn't wear the right clothes, drove a crappy car, it all applies. I can choose to date whomever makes me happy or let others tell me whom I should date. 
Gee, why is this sh*t so hard for some FAs? I see them as weak and lacking in spirit when they don't even have the common sense (or scrotum) to select their own dates. I prefer men who stand strong and know what they want instead of little boys that allow others to make up their mind for them.

Believe it or not, I'm even more thoroughly disgusted now than when this thread started.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Feb 14, 2007)

Is it me or does Secret Internet Fatties sound like the coolest acronym ever?

I'm a member of S.I.F. nice to meet you.

And I agree with you Green Eyed. You shouldnt have compassion for someone saying they'd be ashamed to be with you. 

Then again, he probably can't help it either. I mean, sometimes I'm ashamed I'm fat.

Anyone else concerned about the lack of harmony caused by one confession?


----------



## daddyoh70 (Feb 14, 2007)

One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything. All the encouragement in the world is not going to help you deal with this. This is something you need to come to terms with yourself. If this is a sincere post, no one can help you but yourself. If you want to date big women, but are always going to have that doubt in the back of your head, not introduce her to your friends, etc, then move along and stick with what society says you should do. You would only be wasting the time of the person you are dating. Leave the "real" women for those of us who truly appreciate and admire them, and don't give a rat's ass what society says.


----------



## bigplaidpants (Feb 14, 2007)

"This one goes out to all those closet FA's out there..."

If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape.

But really.....Love/date whomever you're gonna because you find 'em beautiful, because they intrigue the hell out of you, and because you like who you are when you are with them.

....and if you don't like who you are, that may not be their fault.

Cya!


----------



## Tooz (Feb 14, 2007)

Ducksnort said:


> how is it fair to say "i cant hide my difference, so i dont feel bad for you hiding yours?" i suppose it seems fair to some people, but it doesnt sound very compassionate to me.


Man, fuck compassion. No one ever had it for me, so why should I have it for someone whining about something that they aren't forced to show to the world? I have gotten all sorts of crap and had all sorts of things happen to me because I'm fat. I can't hide that, I'm forced to deal with the actions of others regarding that. This guy, he's just emo because he's too scared to come out of the closet. He can avoid bad things if he keeps his mouth shut. He has a choice. I never did. Not for a long time, anyway. Sounds harsh, doesn't it? Well, it is. I am. I wasn't talking about taking self-esteem from men, I don't care about that. I might catch hell for saying this, but your little "it CAN be hard to admit anything different about yourself to everybody else, why be mean to him about it" thing just irked me. If you can't see why, well then, I'm just gonna drop it from here because I'm sure you wouldn't hear my explanation correctly.


----------



## Tooz (Feb 14, 2007)

Famouslastwords said:


> Is it me or does Secret Internet Fatties sound like the coolest acronym ever?
> 
> I'm a member of S.I.F. nice to meet you.



I agree. Sounds like some kind of CIA-type thing.
Someone should make buttons on CafePress. :batting:


----------



## furious styles (Feb 14, 2007)

tooz said:


> Man, fuck compassion. No one ever had it for me, so why should I have it for someone whining about something that they aren't forced to show to the world? I have gotten all sorts of crap and had all sorts of things happen to me because I'm fat. I can't hide that, I'm forced to deal with the actions of others regarding that. This guy, he's just emo because he's too scared to come out of the closet. He can avoid bad things if he keeps his mouth shut. He has a choice. I never did. Not for a long time, anyway. Sounds harsh, doesn't it? Well, it is. I am. I wasn't talking about taking self-esteem from men, I don't care about that. I might catch hell for saying this, but your little "it CAN be hard to admit anything different about yourself to everybody else, why be mean to him about it" thing just irked me. If you can't see why, well then, I'm just gonna drop it from here because I'm sure you wouldn't hear my explanation correctly.



i'm so in love


----------



## mossystate (Feb 15, 2007)

You know?..let the other FA's coddle males like the OP..really.After a while, many women tire of being a 'mommy'..a shoulder.Men should step up and nurse this one....just no pics...eeeeeeeeee.


----------



## bigplaidpants (Feb 15, 2007)

tooz said:


> Man, fuck compassion. No one ever had it for me, so why should I have it for someone whining about something that they aren't forced to show to the world? I have gotten all sorts of crap and had all sorts of things happen to me because I'm fat. I can't hide that, I'm forced to deal with the actions of others regarding that. This guy, he's just emo because he's too scared to come out of the closet. He can avoid bad things if he keeps his mouth shut. He has a choice. I never did. Not for a long time, anyway. Sounds harsh, doesn't it? Well, it is. I am. I wasn't talking about taking self-esteem from men, I don't care about that. I might catch hell for saying this, but your little "it CAN be hard to admit anything different about yourself to everybody else, why be mean to him about it" thing just irked me. If you can't see why, well then, I'm just gonna drop it from here because I'm sure you wouldn't hear my explanation correctly.





mossystate said:


> You know?..let the other FA's coddle males like the OP..really.After a while, many women tire of being a 'mommy'..a shoulder.Men should step up and nurse this one....just no pics...eeeeeeeeee.




OK...I'm anxious to even respond to this, so be nice. 

I want to come out and put my chips with tooz and mossey (et al) on this. While I completely understand the whole "coming out" as an FA thing, the need for self-acceptance, and the want to soak up the love of the "fat-positive community," I don't think fat folk need to shoulder the burden of encouraging the love of fat folk. 

In short, the whole idea of coming to Dim as a fledgling FA (or whatever) and asking for encouragement _from _fat folk to love fat folk, well, is a bit like asking an African-American to tell me it's OK to like blackness and black folk. It should feel insulting.

Editorial: As a student studying religion, race, sexuality, sexism, etc., I've had lots of chances to sit in classrooms when people start getting into their white-shame or homophobia. It starts oozing out of someone. Most of the time, these folks don't even see how they mirror these prejudices. Then, all of the sudden, the mask comes off and we have a chance see ourselves through "the other." (in this case, big and/or fat folk)

The compassion question goes both ways. The whole idea of Dimensions, in my mind, holds a group of folk who are assaulted by authorities, i.e. the diet and health industries, the medical profession, just for having the bodies they got. 

Perhaps it's uncomfortable, but the reaction expressed by tooz, mossey, and others, I think, has an important place. Anger, if the context were race, homophobia, etc., would be completely appropriate.

mustang....if for real....is welcome, too. In fact, I personally invite them to hang in. But, any BBWs or BHMs saying, "I ain't here to take care of you" rings true for me. 

Mossey's counsel, I think, is sound. We FA's (of all varieties), should be the one to extend a hand of encouragement. Some of us may identify with this. But, we should feel the twinge or self-consciousness about it. I, personally, don't want to mirror any more fat-shame or fat-negativity....and I want to "out" it when we can. 

Fat folk shouldn't be asked to remind others "It's OK to find me sexy." 

My 7 cents.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Feb 15, 2007)

Good luck with that BPP, seriously. I been in the fat girl business for 40 years now and have seen them come and go, as I'm sure most of the other ladies here who are fat4life have seen since birth. Pretty soon you'll be hurling plates at the wall too but I'm going to step out of the way and let you have a go at it and see for yourself. It's the only way you folks will see that you are outnumbered. 




bigplaidpants said:


> OK...I'm anxious to even respond to this, so be nice.
> 
> I want to come out and put my chips with tooz and mossey (et al) on this. While I completely understand the whole "coming out" as an FA thing, the need for self-acceptance, and the want to soak up the love of the "fat-positive community," I don't think fat folk need to shoulder the burden of encouraging the love of fat folk.
> 
> ...


----------



## Jon Blaze (Feb 15, 2007)

This reminds me of Dynasty Warriors:
In the game, the majority of the time your goal is to kill enemy generals. You could easily finish by going straight for the head general, but you are usually drawn to attacking multiple generals, and ending the battle by taking out the leader in the end.

I know there are many fat people that are confident in their skin and always will be. Some are not, however. 
That's where I think people like FAs should be allowed to come in. They can be your allies.
If I'm part of the army, I could very well charge toward the general, or I could help my allies on the way so that we can all go charge the leader (Who in this case might be the rejection that society imposes upon fat people). When you help your allies in the game, the morale of the army increases.

I'm not saying you have to accept the support, but I think you should be open to it at one point or another. It might not change you much, but I think your chances of finding increased confidence will be heightened.


----------



## fishhat (Feb 15, 2007)

This guy came here for support. I don't understand what the problem is? Let's not be mean, everyone.

I have this advice for you, however, Mr. Closet FA: read an Ayn Rand book. No joke! If you have read another one, or read it again! She has helped me so much in not being ashamed of myself. I'm not fat but I sure do have bad self esteem. This is why I sympathize. Yeah I'm embarrassed of lots of things I like! Especially unicorns :3

Yeah, she likes stick think people, but just try to ignore that when you read


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 15, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> I don't think fat folk need to shoulder the burden of encouraging the love of fat folk.
> 
> In short, the whole idea of coming to Dim as a fledgling FA (or whatever) and asking for encouragement _from _fat folk to love fat folk, well, is a bit like asking an African-American to tell me it's OK to like blackness and black folk. It should feel insulting.
> 
> ...


Exactly- Thank You

As a fat woman that has her own demons- many from her family itself many times compounded over from society, I have spent the last several years of my life trying to accept my fat body in a world that is constantly screaming at me how bad it is to look this way. I stopped weighing, dieting, purging, binging and have been working EXTREMELY hard on liking myself EXACTLY HOW I AM. I haven't asked one damn person to feel sorry for me through it all and the OP has one hell of a nerve to whine about his "problems" on a board full of fat people, imo. 
Seems to me his "problem" goes much deeper than needing the acceptance of fat women to like him while he hides his face in shame over his preference. 
Some self-evaluation, and some SELF-HELP could make a world of difference not only to himself, but the world at large (pun intended?).

No one can help someone that isn't willing to help themselves.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Feb 15, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Exactly- Thank You
> 
> As a fat woman that has her own demons- many from her family itself many times compounded over from society, I have spent the last several years of my life trying to accept my fat body in a world that is constantly screaming at me how bad it is to look this way. I stopped weighing, dieting, purging, binging and have been working EXTREMELY hard on liking myself EXACTLY HOW I AM. I haven't asked one damn person to feel sorry for me through it all and the OP has one hell of a nerve to whine about his "problems" on a board full of fat people, imo.
> Seems to me his "problem" goes much deeper than needing the acceptance of fat women to like him while he hides his face in shame over his preference.
> ...



A-freakin-MEN!


----------



## JoyJoy (Feb 15, 2007)

I think the reason people are reacting negatively to this guy is because this is an issue that has been discussed ad nauseum here on these forums, and for most, it's old news. Another guy who is ashamed that he likes fat girls. Big whoop. The frame of mind of many people here is "Get over it and be yourself". Whether or not this particular guy is real, I'm sure the topic will come up again and again, and most of us just have no patience, for the reasons already stated here by several people. 

Recently I watched a popular late-night sitcom episode in which one of the characters was dating a man who was a garbage man. She thought he was ideal other than that fact, and was embarrassed to tell people about his profession. The entire episode was about the silly situations she found herself in by trying to avoid telling people what he did for a living, ending up in him finding out how she felt, and her feeling chagrined for her pettiness and realizing how wrong she had been. The basic premise was that her true friends were going to still be her friends no matter what job her boyfriend had, and would accept him as well as long as he treated her right. This is a theme we see so often on such shows.....that we shouldn't worry so much about what others think of the choices we make, as long as we know we're doing what's best for us. So....make the connection. If you don't date the kind of person you prefer because you are afraid of what your friends and family will think, then you are either underestimating them, or you have the wrong kinds of friends and family who need to change their attitudes. Just because society places some kind of stigma on being fat doesn't mean we have to perpetuate it by succumbing to the pressure. If you're not strong enough to stand up and be yourself, then you deserve to end up with someone who doesn't make you completely happy.


----------



## bigplaidpants (Feb 15, 2007)

JoyJoy said:


> I think the reason people are reacting negatively to this guy is because this is an issue that has been discussed ad nauseum here on these forums, and for most, it's old news.



This thread is a case in point. 



> Another guy who is ashamed that he likes fat girls. Big whoop. The frame of mind of many people here is "Get over it and be yourself". Whether or not this particular guy is real, I'm sure the topic will come up again and again, and most of us just have no patience, for the reasons already stated here by several people.



Do you think it's going to come up again and again because men generally have little idea what it means to live in a body that is thoroughly objectified, constantly gazed upon for its shape, size, proportion, presentation, performance, etc? (I know there are FFA's and queer FA relationships, so my question is not intended to be exclusive.)

....or, am I killing an already dead discussion.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Feb 15, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> Do you think it's going to come up again and again because men generally have little idea what it means to live in a body that is thoroughly objectified, constantly gazed upon for its shape, size, proportion, presentation, performance, etc? (I know there are FFA's and queer FA relationships, so my question is not intended to be exclusive.)
> 
> ....or, am I killing an already dead discussion.



It's not nearly as well thought out as that. It's the oldest tale in the book, similar to a married man seeking an affair with a single woman outside their marriage. You can't swing a dead chicken without hitting somebody in the head looking to cheat on their spouse. they don't do it because they don't understand what it's like to be a single woman who bla bla bla. they just want what they want and they know that if they keep looking they will eventually find it, many times. We've heard all the reasons and sometimes we can truly sympathise with them and understand their reasons - we still don't care. We've nothing to gain but more dead weight and more reasons to feel like we're not worthy of better than this. Are there still people in the world who seriously believe that their married man will eventually leave their spouse for them? Or that the cowardly closet FA is going to come out of the closet when they know that they can easily snake about through life luring gullible fat girls into the closet with them and still walk around in the sunshine keeping up appearances in front of their slack jawed friends? 

Color me jade.


----------



## bigplaidpants (Feb 15, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> It's not nearly as well thought out as that. It's the oldest tale in the book, similar to a married man seeking an affair with a single woman outside their marriage. You can't swing a dead chicken without hitting somebody in the head looking to cheat on their spouse. they don't do it because they don't understand what it's like to be a single woman who bla bla bla. they just want what they want and they know that if they keep looking they will eventually find it, many times. We've heard all the reasons and sometimes we can truly sympathise with them and understand their reasons - we still don't care. We've nothing to gain but more dead weight and more reasons to feel like we're not worthy of better than this. Are there still people in the world who seriously believe that their married man will eventually leave their spouse for them? Or that the cowardly closet FA is going to come out of the closet when they know that they can easily snake about through life luring gullible fat girls into the closet with them and still walk around in the sunshine keeping up appearances in front of their slack jawed friends?
> 
> Color me jade.



Perhaps my question tries too hard.

Jade would seem a fitting color, especially when you don't know whether you're gonna be hangin' with friends or finding yourself getting cruzed in a meat market. 

Makes sense.


----------



## MissToodles (Feb 15, 2007)

I also wish these people would realize the fact that MOST PEOPLE DO NOT CARE! Sure you may garner a glance or two, maybe a lingering stare. But I doubt that anyone spends more than a nanosecond thinking about the guy dating a fat chick. Trust me, you're just an extra in someone else's life, a piece of scenery that walks on by.


----------



## waldo (Feb 15, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> OK...I'm anxious to even respond to this, so be nice.
> 
> I want to come out and put my chips with tooz and mossey (et al) on this. While I completely understand the whole "coming out" as an FA thing, the need for self-acceptance, and the want to soak up the love of the "fat-positive community," I don't think fat folk need to shoulder the burden of encouraging the love of fat folk.
> 
> ...



I agree that fat people should not be expected to be the ones to offer whatever support a fledgling FA may benefit from. Surely, the older more experienced FAs should be able to offer advice and encouragement or whatever input may be valuable. Whether this helps anyone depends, of course, on whether they truly want to help themselves as well - as already discussed earlier in this thread. However, those who are not interested in providing some positive input should refrain from the discussion. I doubt it will do any good for the person such as the original poster on this thread to hear all this anger directed at him. Perhaps those people feel better having vented their frustration on this thread. Or maybe they believe that such discussions have no place here. Maybe they are right. It seems that there is not a single discussion board on this website which is not dominated by women. Discussions of closet/fledgling FAs and their issues/hang-ups should be held in a forum which is male-dominated. Maybe there should be a separate board for this issue like the WLS board (another topic which offends many people here).


----------



## mossystate (Feb 15, 2007)

waldo said:


> It seems that there is not a single discussion board on this website which is not dominated by women. QUOTE]
> 
> 
> Nature of the beast...boards like these.Just look at the thread about female genitals...men also contributed...some in a way that really messed up the original intent.And, maybe it only seems like women are pouncing on 'all' the boards, since many of the men only hang out at the paysite board...
> ...


----------



## James (Feb 15, 2007)

mustangbbw said:


> i have been a long time lurker for the longest time and i guess it is good 2 get this off my chest. have always dated skinny girls cuz society tells me thats what i want. but its not i love bbws. i just need a little encouragement!!!!



Mustang. 

Trust me, its not as much of a big deal as you are probably thinking it is. 

I can see you've only posted once and might be a little uncomfortable with talking about it publicly so pm me if you like and I'll see if there's any advice I can give you that might help?

peace

James


----------



## Santaclear (Feb 15, 2007)

Big women are simply better. That's more important than all other concerns.


----------



## mossystate (Feb 15, 2007)

Santaclear said:


> Big women are simply better. That's more important than all other concerns.



I was pretty great when I was smaller.. Maybe it is more about preference?..but..nice butt-kissing...


----------



## Santaclear (Feb 15, 2007)

mossystate said:


> I was pretty great when I was smaller.. Maybe it is more about preference?..but..nice butt-kissing...



It's about kissing nicer butts, yep. (I do believe it, tho.)


----------



## LillyBBBW (Feb 15, 2007)

The board used to have guest lurkers here by the thousands but that number diminished once the fat forums opened up. Many people, myself included, took mustangbbw's post seriously and responded with an honest answer in the begining. S/he joined, posted once and has not returned to veiw the board since that post nor responded to any of the serious replies. I'm begining to suspect mustangbbw got exactly what s/he was looking for here. 



mossystate said:


> waldo said:
> 
> 
> > It seems that there is not a single discussion board on this website which is not dominated by women.
> ...


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 15, 2007)

waldo said:


> I agree that fat people should not be expected to be the ones to offer whatever support a fledgling FA may benefit from. Surely, the older more experienced FAs should be able to offer advice and encouragement or whatever input may be valuable. Whether this helps anyone depends, of course, on whether they truly want to help themselves as well - as already discussed earlier in this thread. *However, those who are not interested in providing some positive input should refrain from the discussion. I doubt it will do any good for the person such as the original poster on this thread to hear all this anger directed at him. Perhaps those people feel better having vented their frustration on this thread. Or maybe they believe that such discussions have no place here. Maybe they are right. It seems that there is not a single discussion board on this website which is not dominated by women. Discussions of closet/fledgling FAs and their issues/hang-ups should be held in a forum which is male-dominated. Maybe there should be a separate board for this issue like the WLS board (another topic which offends many people here)*.



I have to disagree with you on this one- this board is open to both sexes. If he came to the internet looking for sympathy or to be coddled, that's definitely a mistake. I think women have the right to express their feelings towards him since he openly posted about his shame to be seen with us. 
And if the males need private boards to discuss how ashamed they are of liking fat girls, then fat girls need a board to talk about how disgusting we find these type of guys,imo. Fair is fair....


----------



## waldo (Feb 15, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I have to disagree with you on this one- this board is open to both sexes. If he came to the internet looking for sympathy or to be coddled, that's definitely a mistake. I think women have the right to express their feelings towards him since he openly posted about his shame to be seen with us.
> And if the males need private boards to discuss how ashamed they are of liking fat girls, then fat girls need a board to talk about how disgusting we find these type of guys,imo. Fair is fair....



The original poster never said he was ashamed of his attraction to fat girls. He just said he dates thin women, because that is what society expects. So he may be not so much ashamed as unwilling to swim against the tide. There is actually a subtle difference there. And I find it maddening when people run around here talking about coddling and sympathy when maybe someone is just young and confused and would like some sound and objective advice from people who have relevant experience.

And really, finding someone disgusting because they have a difficult time dealing with their sexual attraction to something that society says is wrong - that is hypocritical for people who claim to be into acceptance. Now if you are saying you are disgusted by men who date fat women secretly and/or use them for sex, that is understandable. But it is wrong to assume that is the case when someone says they have issues with being an FA.

Allow me to refer you to the post at the link here for some perspective from the esteemed founder of this site. 

I think his final statement is quite relevant to the current discussion: 

"Working through all that and finding answers can make the difference between feeling alienated and alone all your life, and knowing yourself and what you want and need." 

People are saying on this thread that FAs should look inside for the answers, but when that is not enough and they can't come here then they just go on being alienated and alone. I don't see this as a good thing for the fat acceptance community to continue shunning these folks.


----------



## PiscesGirl (Feb 15, 2007)

MissToodles said:


> I also wish these people would realize the fact that MOST PEOPLE DO NOT CARE! Sure you may garner a glance or two, maybe a lingering stare. But I doubt that anyone spends more than a nanosecond thinking about the guy dating a fat chick. Trust me, you're just an extra in someone else's life, a piece of scenery that walks on by.



Amen. ITA.

A curious glance never killed anybody...that I know of.


----------



## bigplaidpants (Feb 16, 2007)

I woke up thinking about this thread. I'm probably talking to myself. But, nevertheless....

Let me apologize if my posts drew out an old and difficult discussion. Taking both sides of an issue was probably bad tact.

Alas...It is hard to remember that some of the fences that divide also serve to protect people.


----------



## activistfatgirl (Feb 16, 2007)

I'm having deja vu...


----------



## James (Feb 16, 2007)

activistfatgirl said:


> I'm having deja vu...



lol... 

yep - me too


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 16, 2007)

waldo said:


> The original poster never said he was ashamed of his attraction to fat girls. He just said he dates thin women, because that is what society expects. So he may be not so much ashamed as unwilling to swim against the tide. There is actually a subtle difference there. And I find it maddening when people run around here talking about coddling and sympathy when maybe someone is just young and confused and would like some sound and objective advice from people who have relevant experience.
> 
> And really, finding someone disgusting because they have a difficult time dealing with their sexual attraction to something that society says is wrong - that is hypocritical for people who claim to be into acceptance. Now if you are saying you are disgusted by men who date fat women secretly and/or use them for sex, that is understandable. But it is wrong to assume that is the case when someone says they have issues with being an FA.
> 
> ...



I really resent your previous comment about "women running the boards" and no one should be allowed to comment anything not as positive as you would like. That seems a bit controlling to me. If women want to post their opinions on an open forum that is made up a large part of women, it doesn't seem right for you to come in and imply that we need to stfu because we have our own feelings about this issue at hand. 



> So he may be not so much ashamed as unwilling to swim against the tide. There is actually a subtle difference there.



Would you care to explain the subtle difference? Why would he fear "swimming against the tide"? Is someone going to beat him up for his preference? 


> And I find it maddening when people run around here talking about coddling and sympathy when maybe someone is just young and confused and would like some sound and objective advice from people who have relevant experience.


No one stopped you from giving sound and objective advice, now did they? So why are you trying to squash the opinions of others? Isn't that part of the guys problem to begin with? "Other people's opinions" that say he shouldn't dig fat girls yet the fat girls aren't allowed to give their own opinions? Wow.....


> I don't see this as a good thing for the fat acceptance community to continue shunning these folks.



And as already stated in this thread, it shouldn't be the job of fat people to help him with his issues. Btw, what kind of help do you think the fat community should give him? Tell him it's okay to be embarrassed by us? Tell him that it's totally normal to hate fat people or let others tell you how to live? 

Don't make fat people "less". We are normal people with the same feelings, thoughts, dreams, desires and hopes as anyone else in the world. Why are we to push aside our equal standing to "encourage" someone who has issues with us to like us? Sorry guy, but I'm not willing to beg for his acceptance. He never had to ask for mine. That's how I see it......


----------



## waldo (Feb 16, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I really resent your previous comment about "women running the boards" and no one should be allowed to comment anything not as positive as you would like. That seems a bit controlling to me. If women want to post their opinions on an open forum that is made up a large part of women, it doesn't seem right for you to come in and imply that we need to stfu because we have our own feelings about this issue at hand.
> ......



You can certainly continue to bash away if it makes you feel better. It's just that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Would you care to explain the subtle difference? Why would he fear "swimming against the tide"? Is someone going to beat him up for his preference?



The difference is that there are men who hate themselves for their attraction to fat women and they likewise hate the women they are attracted to. These are people who are truly ashamed of themselves. But some FAs are not ashamed as much as they are lacking in confidence to go against societal expectations. For them there is hope to gain confidence and live successfully as FAs. These are more often the younger guys still looking to find their true identity The former group are the one's that are to be avoided.


----------



## wrestlingguy (Feb 16, 2007)

Well said, Green Eyed Fairy..............your comments are EXACTLY what I was thinking as I read his post.


----------



## furious styles (Feb 16, 2007)

waldo said:


> You can certainly continue to bash away if it makes you feel better. It's just that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.



i can't stop laughing


----------



## LillyBBBW (Feb 17, 2007)

My family wanted me to become a lawyer, I chose to work a menial job with low pay so I could pursue the arts/theater. They told me I was going to be broke and miserable, sick and destitute with no medical insurance and they were partially right. While my parents would have bent over backwards to support me through law school my dad nearly tossed me into the street upon completion of high school when he learned I wasn't going forward with his plan. While my friends all drive fancy cars, have children and houses I live paycheck to paycheck with barely any money saved and haven't been able to find the time to keep or cultivate family connections let alone friendships. People think I'm friggen insane and sometimes I wonder myself but I didn't care about any of that. If I cared, then to pursue the path I chose would have been a horrible mistake. For me the cost was worth it and I've done some shit roles that payed nothing. I'm still broke. 

You can't fool yourself when doing something that is against status quo. You need to know that shit is going to happen and that's that. I have to respectfully disagree with Miss Toodles, shit is going to happen. People are going to look. Some shithead is going to yell, "Moooo," and ruin your day. It has to be all or nothing if you are going to be happy doing what you are doing. If it's not then you are already finished and should find another path. You have to want it bad enough for it not to be necessary for you to have to come here asking to be convinced. Only he can know if it's worth it. Go ahead and try to help him. I know you feel a sense of empathy with this guy because of what you have faced or are facing now but soon you'll understand that you and he are not the same.


----------



## ucapaliuca (Feb 17, 2007)

I do rather wish that my friends would not be so quick to mock BBWs and BHMs. It's rather frsutrating to see people instantly react against people who are sized outside of the norm. At least most of my female friends and I are quick to point out which women in movies need a healthy meal. 

It's odd to hang out with two slightly different crowds with such different ideas.

In my opinion chubby people are more fun for the same reason that a feather bed is a better place to sleep than a rock. That is not to be reductive of or objectify any particular person.

I'm rather happy to be an FA who is still somewhat new to this community.


----------



## waldo (Feb 19, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> My family wanted me to become a lawyer, I chose to work a menial job with low pay so I could pursue the arts/theater. They told me I was going to be broke and miserable, sick and destitute with no medical insurance and they were partially right. While my parents would have bent over backwards to support me through law school my dad nearly tossed me into the street upon completion of high school when he learned I wasn't going forward with his plan. While my friends all drive fancy cars, have children and houses I live paycheck to paycheck with barely any money saved and haven't been able to find the time to keep or cultivate family connections let alone friendships. People think I'm friggen insane and sometimes I wonder myself but I didn't care about any of that. If I cared, then to pursue the path I chose would have been a horrible mistake. For me the cost was worth it and I've done some shit roles that payed nothing. I'm still broke.
> 
> You can't fool yourself when doing something that is against status quo. You need to know that shit is going to happen and that's that. I have to respectfully disagree with Miss Toodles, shit is going to happen. People are going to look. Some shithead is going to yell, "Moooo," and ruin your day. It has to be all or nothing if you are going to be happy doing what you are doing. If it's not then you are already finished and should find another path. *You have to want it bad enough for it not to be necessary for you to have to come here asking to be convinced.* Only he can know if it's worth it. Go ahead and try to help him. I know you feel a sense of empathy with this guy because of what you have faced or are facing now but soon you'll understand that you and he are not the same.



This is a wonderful post. :bow: I think the statement I highlighted is the most profound thing I have seen on the topic of repressed FAs. It's true you have to want it bad enough to forge ahead regardless of what obstacles may present themselves. Unfortunately many will take what appears to be the easy route and channel their attraction to fat women in dishonorable ways while maintaining some fake public image.

I would add though, that while it is up to the individual to help himself, it can benefit such a person to have a support system of some kind. I see it as somewhat analogous to the support that members of AA give each other. So it would be nice to think that other young FAs can have some kind of support while working through their hangups - something I certainly never had. 

As for your last statement, well there are some rogues out there. They include not only FAs but also men who treat women of all sizes badly. I would agree with those who are skeptical of a post like the original one in this thread. It probably was just someone looking to stir the pot and sit back and watch the fur fly. But it turns out it doesn't really matter, because it is likely there is at least one person lurking out there who actually is of the frame of mind that the original post depicts. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.


----------



## Surlysomething (May 18, 2007)

fight the power


like/love who you want


I can _appreciate_ a good looking "thin" guy, but my head whips around to the husky, cuddly bigger guys, why go against what feels so right?


----------



## DrFeeder (May 20, 2007)

I have to say this is one of the (few!) advantages of getting older. You get more comfortable about who you are and who you aren't. I predict you will "man up" sooner or later.

Note that you don't have to parade down the street with an "I love BBWs" sign (unless you want to!). Just ask out whoever you're attracted to. You don't have to explain to anyone _why_ you're attracted to her (though hopefully you'll be attracted to more than just her weight!).

--Dr. Feeder


----------



## bbwlynzeemoon (May 21, 2007)

My advice Mustang.... be true to yourself. Everyone has preferences... I bet you have a buddy that just digs blondes... or a friend who loves big boobs, or big booties. Liking BBW's is a preference just like any other... some guys like rail thin women.... while other guys like voluptious beauties hehe. And we all know that a big woman is more woman to love anyway hehe. 

Life is too short to be someone you're not... just remember, when you do find that bbw cutie you've been searching for... treat her good and always make her feel beautiful... behind closed doors AND out with your friends. That's a big thing... a girl will know if you're "embarrassed" to take her out. Believe me, I've been in those shoes before... and nothing sucks more.  

Anyhoo... hope that helps, and welcome to the boards.


----------

