# Questioning my FA-dom......



## KerryNation (May 30, 2007)

*Le SIGH*

After the less than enthusiastic response to the first thread I ever tried to start here at Dimensions, I find myself questioning my FA-dom. Is it WRONG for me to like big women? Apparently so, according to many of you here. 

Because, as a man, I should NEVER, Eeeeeeeeeeever, tell a women what to do with her body, I am WRONG in being an FA. 

Because I like big women, but women don't like being big, I am a-GAIN, wrong in being an FA. 

Because I'd rather look at a healthy, plus sized woman, than a rack of ribs, I AM WRONG in being an FA. 

Because I am a man, I am wrong in being an FA. 

Because I am a man, I should have no opinion on what attracts me to a women, because she can look any way she wants.......I am wrong in being an FA. 

Because I am a man, I should have no opinion on FA-dom whatsoever, I am wrong in being an FA. 

Because being an FA is sick, wrong and gross, and wanting a woman to eat until she becomes fat is sick, disgusting and gross, I am wrong for being an FA. 

Because liking big bellies is wrong, since women don't like having big bellies, I am wrong for being an FA. 

Being a man is wrong. Therefore, I am wrong by birth. 



These are but a few of the sentiments that have been impressed upon me during my short time here at Dimensions. And let me tell you.......this has me more than a little confused. But I guess the bottom line is...........I just don't fucking know anymore.


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## SamanthaNY (May 30, 2007)

Dude - you're too young to be this uptight. 

No one has said ANY of what you think they have! If you'll calm down and discuss things without throwing f-bombs, people will be happy to talk to you.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (May 30, 2007)

See above poster.


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## KerryNation (May 30, 2007)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dude - you're too young to be this uptight.
> 
> No one has said ANY of what you think they have! If you'll calm down and discuss things without throwing f-bombs, people will be happy to talk to you.



If people will CALMLY talk to me, instead of ganging up on me and slamming me for being a man, then I'm happy to TALK. 

And YES, many of those things HAVE been insinuated. So much so that I am currently in this state of confusion. 

And sorry for the F-bombs, but I am ex-NAVY and when I get super stressed, they come out like nobodie's business, LOL!


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (May 30, 2007)

Well, nobody will attack you for having a penis and a y chromosome.


However, there may be certain behavioral patterns and ideologies you associated with "being a man". If those are offensive, sexist, or misanthropic, people may attack you for them.


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## KerryNation (May 30, 2007)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> Well, nobody will attack you for having a penis and a y chromosome.
> 
> 
> However, there may be certain behavioral patterns and ideologies you associated with "being a man". If those are offensive, sexist, or misanthropic, people may attack you for them.



Right, but when I say I like someone bigger.....then get BLASTED with " As a MAN, you have no right to say what looks good on a woman. She can look however she wants. SEXIST PIG, forcing your likes on a poor defenseless woman!" 

How do you explain that? I just feel that whatever opinion I put forth here will be met with scathing hatred from every female on the board.


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## lipmixgirl (May 30, 2007)

the big apple speaks...

RIGHT: appreciating and finding fat girls attractive

WRONG: all women don't like being big

RIGHT: digging on the big belly

WRONG: feederism without mutual consent and taking on adult responsibility

please note that  it is NEVER acceptable to coerce, cajole, force, brainwash, guilt, or create a reality for another person so you can get what you want - in any way, shape, or form - PERIOD. 

my bet is that is where the flaming comes from... 

the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:


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## KerryNation (May 30, 2007)

lipmixgirl said:


> the big apple speaks...
> 
> RIGHT: appreciating and finding fat girls attractive
> 
> ...




And I agree with you....but people just jump all over my case and ASSUME that I'm into those things that you said are wrong, without even giving me a chance to explain! I never said I wanted to FORCE my way of thinking on anyone....but I guess since I am a guy, it's just assumed that I'm an asshole who forces my sick fetish on everyone. 

*SIGH*


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## Jon Blaze (May 30, 2007)

1. You shouldn't tell a woman what she is to do with her body. There's a big difference between saying you'd appreciate it if someone would stay a certain weight or gain/lose (In a respectful manner), and calling them a fucking hypocrite because they lost weight. Expressing your opinion maturely is different from demanding and pressuring someone to change for you.

2. Being an FA is not defined by attraction to weight gain. It is a preference or requirement of someone you intend to be romantic with being a larger size. There's no rule of exclusiveness, nor is there a rule for weight gain pressure or weight. Well... there's a guideline for weight, but we all carry weight differently. 

Fat Admiration is a preference for some, A "Kink" for others (Because SlackerFA rules ^_^), et cetera. Fat Fetishism is a whole different concept.

As for feederism (Which is a fetish): That's different. If you mix them around in yourself, that's fine, but don't try to make the claim that weight gain is something that is automatically advocated in fat admiration. It is in feederism, but someone doesn't have to gain in order to prove that they are confident in their skin.

3. If you express yourself like a zealot (See the comments you said about Jennifer Hudson), then it is wrong. It is no different from what society does: The sizes are just swapped. You don't have to like a "rack of ribs," but you also don't have to express your hatred for something like that. Have you ever heard of being neutral? Or possibly being respectful of something that you don't like necessarily?
I'm not a fan of weight gain. One reason I don't go with the crowd is because 90% of time: It's coupled with thin hatred and weight loss hatred. No one wants to get any perspective on anything before they blindly judge a woman that may have lost weight for whatever reason.

Obviously some people can't help but put on the pressure, but I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate (WITH A PASSION!!!! ) when the pressure is coupled with weight loss hatred of all sorts. It's kind of like supremacy.... Something like black pride stands for elitism, but because of corruption, the movement is coupled with hatred of other races. It's a similar concept: You believe larger people to be elite (Or at a higher caliber than society may set for them), but you then start to believe thinner people to be depraved. You don't have to couple the two concepts in order to express yourself.



4. What gave you that idea? 

5. You should express yourself in what attracts you and what you may not like, but like I said: How you express it is what matters.

"I liked Jennifer Hudson when she was heavier."- You express your dissapproval of her weight loss, but... You're being respectful. There's no sugar coating in that comment: It's straight to the point.

6. You have every right to do that, but there are certain things we don't all agree on when it comes to the topic. Trying to impose that what you say are laws of fat admiration is invalid.

7. Again: What gave you that idea? 

8. Plenty of women like being large, but they don't have to want to get larger in order to prove their worth and confidence. 
On the contrary, many of the women you pressure to get larger (Or to stay the same) don't like the pressure! If you can fight that: Don't pressure them. If you can't: At least try to be respectful before you pass judgment upon someone whom you don't know about/whom's intentions of weight loss( Or weight maitenance and not gain as you may wish) you don't know about.
If you know a bbw that wants to gain: I think you have every right to pressure her if she's already expressed her attempt at getting larger. If you don't know, however, I think you should ask about it before you start making calls.

9. ????????????
Are you saying being a man is defined by demanding and pressuring your partners to change to fit the perfect mold of human? Have you ever of heard of coping with flaws? We all have them.


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## lipmixgirl (May 30, 2007)

then i must agree with Samantha... gotta chill.. gotta relax... 

the dim board is a place where one must tread lightly if one is sensitive to the flames... 


gotta give mad props to my fa, jon blaze... couldn't have said it better myself...

speaking of props... ::calling out:: JON BLAZE! JON BLAZE!


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## stan_der_man (May 30, 2007)

I agree with the others who posted that you are sounding a bit mellowdramatic here, setting that tone probably isn't going to spur productive conversation about what appears to be a classic case of the FA blues.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on the sincerity of your feelings about being a FA and give you my 2¢...

Maybe I'm being pessimistic here... You are probably going to get squat support for your preference of being a FA outside of Dimensions (and maybe only partial support here also, depending on your attitude...) Unless of course you speak Turkish, Spanish or a host of other languages in places where fat women are appreciated. That's been my experience. Here's your dilemma... You are physically attracted to fat women, but many of them don't like being fat, so you are going to have to deal with their self-acceptance / self-esteem issues. You can lay praise upon these women (with low self-esteem) tell them how beautiful they are and they may very well crap on you about it. A blow to your self-esteem.. you betcha. Be patient, sooner or later you will find a woman who may very well appreciate her beauty, or at very least, appreciate your praise of her beauty. You may live happily ever after with her until one day she watches "The Health Channel" and decides that she wants to be skinny. You'll be right back to square one. You once again give her praise and support that big can be beautiful and healthy, and she craps on you anyway. The life of a FA my friend... Maybe things will go better for you who knows, you won't know until you give it a try and have a positive attitude about it.

Trust me, I get tired of the lack of support, the blank looks when you try to explain to people that you are attracted to fat women, and honestly don't find thin women attractive. There have been many times that I wondered if I really am a pervert for liking fat women and have given up on dating them for long periods of time. Until society embraces fat-acceptance and FAs are respected as an acceptable preference, life is going to be tenuous for us FAs; you are going to need to learn how to better articulate your opinions or else risk a verbal flogging if you don't. If you don't like that, than try to be an activist by going out and changing attitudes. Your alternative is to just shut-up, pretend that you like thin women and make everybody else happy excluding yourself.

Stan


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## Tad (May 30, 2007)

Some academic figured out some way to measure how hard people hit someone, then did the following experiment:

1) Person A hits person B on the arm.
2) Person B is told to hit person A on the arm, as hard as person A hit them.
3) Person A is told to hit person B on teh arm, as hard as person B just hit them.
repeat steps 2 and 3 a few times.

What the study found was that people tended to hit back 30% harder than they were hit. They think that we have this natural instinct to think what happens to us is worse than what happens to others, which is why when kids squabble they so often escalate so quickly. We adults are not immune. When we feel attacked and try to respond in kind, we tend to hit back harder than we were hit--whether verbally or physically.

I think you have hit on one of the issues that is often swept under the carpet herethat most of the big folk generally want to be accepted and admired for who they are, as they are, while the admirers tend to come here specifically because they are attracted to big people, and a good portion of them either have an ideal that is very large or enjoy seeing gain. (you are seeing it here with the BBW and male FA, but to a lesser degree this is sometimes seen on the BHM/FFA boardthe exception being that a higher portion of the guys there are into gainingbut the same issue comes up with the guys who are not. To avoid the really tortured language Ill carry on just talking about BBW and male FA). So there tends to be a bit of a schism on the subject of very generalized size acceptance (all sizes are good, be any size you want) versus something more like fat pride (fat is beautiful and people should be proud to be fat).

Most of the women dont like messages that imply guys have a specific physical preferences. This could be, like in your other thread, disapproving of someones weight loss, or it could be being specific in what you like in terms of size, or talking in glowing terms about weight gain, or talking about how some specific very large lady is your idealespecially if they dont post here anymore. On the weight board these things tend to be tolerated a bit more, because by definition it is for discussing the erotic sides of fat, and it is hard to say you should not find that erotic. But on the other boards all of these things will tend lead to the death of a thousand cuts.

The problem is that escalating just makes it worse. You might have people who are sympathetic to you but who are not saying anythingbut who may eventually step in if you are getting unfairly slammed. But when you escalate, striking back in stronger language, pushing your points more strongly, really you just invite more cuts, which are also escalated. It is probably not in your nature, but the best tactic when you make this sort of post is to say nothing else and let it fade away, or at worse say very politely that you are sorry people take your views that waybut even that will just prolong the situation.

So pretty much, no matter how reasonable you think your opinions are, on this board they will not generally go over well, and fighting that battle will not get you anywhere.

Sorry.

Regards;

-Ed


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## SamanthaNY (May 30, 2007)

People _were _calmly talking to you. On forums like this, people say what they feel, and some are passionate. Don't mistake that passion for an issue as yelling at or jumping on you - it's not. 

I stand by everything I said in the other thread, and feel the need to address what you're alleging here (remember - we're calm, right?) since none of the things in your original post here are what I feel, or what I said. So that we're perfectly clear, here is what I feel: 

FAs are not 'wrong' by nature. They're also not gross, disgusting or sick - but _telling _a woman what to do with her body is wrong for anyone, FA or not. Admiring the body she has is differnent (and a good thing, too) from dictating how it should look. Admiring = good. Dictating = bad. Also - I hope all FAs keep in mind _admiring a 400 lb body is a lot different than living in it_. 

A lot of women DO like being big. Some of them aren't as comfortable. Some dislike it. None of those women are wrong in having their own feelings, and each gets to make their own choices on how to deal with their own bodies. 

There's nothing wrong with being a man. There's nothing wrong with being an FA. Both are awesome. 

You should absolutely have an opinion on your preference. And opinions on size acceptance, fat people and FAs are all great. It's how they're expressed that makes a difference. 

I don't personally agree with wanting a woman to "eat until she becomes fat", but I recognize it is a feeling many have.

Just because someone is a celebrity and may be a role model, it doesn't mean they have to live their life a certain way, especially if it's counter to their own wishes.
I encourage you to post, but to read responses with a grain of salt, and not read any judgements or labels into them. I didn't agree with what you stated in your other post, and you didn't agree with me - that's okay. It doesn't mean I've formed any opinions on anything else you believe, or say, or do. We're here to have fun, interact and learn some stuff maybe. 

Oh and to look at the pictures . 

So pull up a bong and chill. S'all good.


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## KerryNation (May 30, 2007)

OK.....But as I said before, is it or is it not hypocritical to say one thing, and turn around and do the other? 

I believe Websters' defines that as hypocrisy. 


I should not have been so passionate in my earlier post, and I would not have been, had I not posted right after seeing something about that cover on TV. 

Getting hammered on by about three different people, one of them bashing my gender (What the hell does that have to do with anything, anyway?) only exacerbated my anger. 

But you bring up some excellent points, that I agree with entirely. Such as the thought that liking a woman who is 400 pounds is a lot different than having to live in that body. 

The fantasy and the reality are two entirely different things, and I know that. I just feel like a slimeball for liking what I do.


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## SamanthaNY (May 30, 2007)

You win. 

*leaves the bong and goes to look at shoes*


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## kerrypop (May 30, 2007)

Karnage70 said:


> OK.....But as I said before, is it or is it not hypocritical to say one thing, and turn around and do the other?
> 
> I believe Websters' defines that as hypocrisy.
> 
> ...



I think you're bringing stuff from outside the forum... into the forum, and letting people who could be the people that side with you turn into the people that you're using to vent. 

It's okay to like the idea of women getting bigger, or just big women in general. I am happy that someone likes them... or else I'd be kinda screwed. 

It's hard being a big girl. For all the shit you get for being an FA, it gets exponentially worse when you're wearing the weight. It isn't just about sexual preferences, it's about where you can buy clothes, and how you take up too much room on the bus, and how the plane charges you for 2 seats... etc. 

The fact that you feel like a slimeball for liking big girls... well... I don't mean this to be harsh or anything, but it makes me feel like you ARE a slimeball, because you don't consider big girls to fit into the same category as regular girls. 

NOTE: I don't REALLY think you are a slimeball, but that's how that last sentence came across to me.

I feel like sometimes you might be forgetting that these fantasy girls are... well.. people, and that's easy to do when you're all in the heat of the moment and shiat. I understand! I really, genuinely do. 

I guess what I'm getting at is that, you can't blame big girls for feeling objectified when it happens to them every day. And you're in a forum full of big girls... who get objectified or judged and generally not treated like regular everyday people, despite the fact that we are regular everyday people. 

Don't take it personally. A lot of people around here will bite back hard if they get a whiff of what feels like objectification, or judgement, or non acceptance in any form. And why shouldn't they? This is a safe haven, one of the few we big girls have.

Don't give up on big girls, just take it slow, chill out. It's all good.


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## Ned Sonntag (May 30, 2007)

Karnage70 said:


> *Le SIGH*
> 
> After the less than enthusiastic response to the first thread I ever tried to start here at Dimensions, I find myself questioning my FA-dom. Is it WRONG for me to like big women? Apparently so, according to many of you here.
> 
> ...



It's called being a heterosexual. Anything you try to do is going to be wrong. Just keep breathing and do it anyway. They'll thank you later.


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## elle camino (May 30, 2007)

ahahah what's your problem, dude? lighten the heck UP, seriously. 
you made a thread and people posted stuff you didn't like in that thread, and THAT's making you question your like entire sexuality? time to get off the internet, for real.


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## Eclectic_Girl (May 30, 2007)

Ned Sonntag said:


> They'll thank you later.



Or not.
..............


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## wrestlingguy (May 30, 2007)

Karnage, I don't know you, but I have a feeling that you're younger than me. I've been here on & off for almost 10 years.

I'm of the conclusion that you're wrong about several of your assesments which has you questioning your FA dom. I think we should talk privately (talk with Dr. Phil), and I will be more than happy to discuss outside of this forum.

What I DO agree with is that there are times when some here jump all over you, often the ones who say they are temperate in their responses. In most cases, I ignore those people, as in their "temperance", they have chased many people from the boards over the years. Several have even posted in this thread. It's for you to decide whose responses you should heed and whose you should dismiss (mine included)

Don't give up so quickly. There are many here who are more than worthwhile to befriend (and date, if you're inclined). My only comment about your comments is that all people here wish to be treated with respect, provided they earn it. Choose your words carefully, be yourself, and learn about this wonderful place through intellegent discussion.

I hope you can be happy here..........Phil


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## Koldun (May 30, 2007)

Relax - it's okay.


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## Mystic Rain (May 30, 2007)

Karnage70 said:


> *Le SIGH*
> 
> After the less than enthusiastic response to the first thread I ever tried to start here at Dimensions, I find myself questioning my FA-dom. Is it WRONG for me to like big women? Apparently so, according to many of you here.
> 
> ...



Life in general is not easy, and when you're different from what's considered "normal", it's that much harder. You're faced with the choice of wanting to bend to the pressure of society to fit in, or continue being someone who's not cut from the same cookie cutter as everyone else and is actually more of a person for it. 

I'm a Ninja Turtle fan, and I'm proud of it. I don't hide that fact from anyone. I'm also a gaining BBW, but a little more shy of announcing it. I've had issues before, and I'm still going to have them as I decide to possibly get back to my old weight or higher, but as long as I feel comfortable in my own skin, I'll be okay. And it'd help too if I had support if I fall by the wayside.

Some people are going to take things the wrong way sometimes, and you'll have to deal with the backlash they give. However, you have to decide how to handle it the best way. You may not agree with what was said or done, but if you're respectful of the opinion, you'll be well returned for it. There's also the phrase "You can please all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot please all the people all the time."

Not everyone is going to accept you and you can't force them to, but don't stress out so much about it, okay? There are plenty of others out there that will. And just because you have certain interests, feelings, etc. does not make you less of a person, or a man. Just keep in mind while you'd love your ideals to appeal to every woman, it just doesn't work like that outside of fantasy. Find a compromise, a balance, instead between them, and you'll be happier.


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## KerryNation (May 30, 2007)

wrestlingguy said:


> Karnage, I don't know you, but I have a feeling that you're younger than me. I've been here on & off for almost 10 years.
> 
> I'm of the conclusion that you're wrong about several of your assesments which has you questioning your FA dom. I think we should talk privately (talk with Dr. Phil), and I will be more than happy to discuss outside of this forum.
> 
> ...



Unless you're younger than 26, then yeah, I am younger than you.....in fact, I'm probably one of the younger folks on this board. 

@kerrypop: It's not that *I* feel like a slimeball for liking big women, it's that I come here and get slammed for doing so, which makes me FEEL like a slimeball pervert. I had thought that Dimensions was a place where ALL who like bigger women were tolerated. But then I turn around and get flack for "trying to force my perverted views on all women" which makes me FEEL like a slimeball for liking what I do. Am I making sense? 

@ Ned and Wrestlingguy: Thanks for the kind words and advice. I'm still all sorts of confused about things, but knowing there are a few voices out there that understand me makes things better.


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## Jon Blaze (May 31, 2007)

Karnage70 said:


> Unless you're younger than 26, then yeah, I am younger than you.....in fact, I'm probably one of the younger folks on this board.
> 
> @kerrypop: It's not that *I* feel like a slimeball for liking big women, it's that I come here and get slammed for doing so, which makes me FEEL like a slimeball pervert. I had thought that Dimensions was a place where ALL who like bigger women were tolerated. But then I turn around and get flack for "trying to force my perverted views on all women" which makes me FEEL like a slimeball for liking what I do. Am I making sense?
> 
> @ Ned and Wrestlingguy: Thanks for the kind words and advice. I'm still all sorts of confused about things, but knowing there are a few voices out there that understand me makes things better.




If you want to hear from me: I am not trying to brand you for your admiration for bigger women, nor am I trying to brand you if you feel the need to pressure women to gain weight. I want you to try your best to analyze as many weight loss situations as you can before you pull words like "Hypocrite." Not everyone is doing it for vanity, and the number that aren't doing it for that is growing rapidly (Thank god). Run with your admiration for larger women... running with it does not, however, mean you have to hate the opposite end of the spectrum.


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## KerryNation (May 31, 2007)

Jon Blaze said:


> If you want to hear from me: I am not trying to brand you for your admiration for bigger women, nor am I trying to brand you if you feel the need to pressure women to gain weight. I want you to try your best to analyze as many weight loss situations as you can before you pull words like "Hypocrite." Not everyone is doing it for vanity, and the number that aren't doing it for that is growing rapidly (Thank god). Run with your admiration for larger women... running with it does not, however, mean you have to hate the opposite end of the spectrum.




But do you not agree that saying one thing to millions of people, and then turning around and DOING the opposite is hypocritical? I do believe that IS the definition of the word. Jen Hudson did just that....and now, this week, Tyra Banks is on a magazine cover doing the same thing. 

Now, Tyra has been very vocal in A LOT of different media outlets about not giving a damn about being heavier. She's even encouraged other women to think about their weight the same way, and NOT BE DEFINED BY A NUMBER. Ok, that could go both ways, I see that. But to then turn around and diet herself down, while at the same time telling women it's ok to be heavier just SMACKS of the kind of bullshit, "Do as I say and not as I do" attitude that I hate. 

You want to be thin, fine. I don't begrudge that, I really don't. Diet yourself down to where you look like Nicole Ritchie. But don't at the same time preach about "loving yourself for whatever size you are" and "embracing your curves" and "loving your bigger body" when you CLEARLY don't practice what you preach. 


I guess that was my main point in the other thread. 

And yeah, when people just assume things about me, and jump down my throat about forcing my sick fantasies on women, it hurts. That's not how I am at all.


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## Giraffes?Giraffes! (May 31, 2007)

Hey dude. 

Take a breath. I'm sorry you got jumped on by some folks, but you've gotta learn to wait out those bouts of searing frustration with the myriad contradictions that come with being a heterosexual man. Don't rush to the keyboard, 'cause you'll end up, in all likelihood, sounding like a bit of a nutbar. 

Not to say that you ARE one, mind you. I can relate to everything you said in your little litany of complaints-- but i'm afraid it comes with the territory. They keep moving the goal posts on you, my friend. Its a fundamental fact of life. You're born with certain desires, you're encouraged, on the one hand, to explore those desires and actualize yourself honestly as a sexual being-- but as soon as youve untangled that knot, you're supposed to curb and compartmentalize those desires so as not to step on the toes of the prerogatives of others (i.e. a woman's right to present herself in whatever way makes her feel best, whether regarding to weight, hair color, breast size, or whatever.)

But the truth is NOBODY gets a consistent message. It might feel at times that we, as men, have to mangle our desires and our identities to accommodate the seemingly bi-polar phenomenon that is female body image. It may feel like woman, who in our society, predominantly, are the "pursued" party in a courtship, hold all the cards and reserve all the rights to be candid and confident in their desires and predilections. It may feel like your job at times is simply to read female roadsigns and react according to the shifting moods and fancies of the feminine landscape. 

This, my friend, is Victimtown, and it is home to nothing but histrionic lies.

Ask yourself, truthfully. Its pretty easy being a guy. Try being a girl for a couple of days. Talk about mixed messages. 

Not to belittle your grievances. I hear you. But play the tape through to the end. It isnt easy for anybody. Nobody is giving you, as a young (I assume) male FA a _particularly_ difficult time here.

This was a very half-baked response, but its late. I should probably have written nothing at all, but my heart goes out to youeven in your surpassingly shortsighted wrongness.


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## Jon Blaze (May 31, 2007)

Karnage70 said:


> But do you not agree that saying one thing to millions of people, and then turning around and DOING the opposite is hypocritical? I do believe that IS the definition of the word. Jen Hudson did just that....and now, this week, Tyra Banks is on a magazine cover doing the same thing.
> 
> Now, Tyra has been very vocal in A LOT of different media outlets about not giving a damn about being heavier. She's even encouraged other women to think about their weight the same way, and NOT BE DEFINED BY A NUMBER. Ok, that could go both ways, I see that. But to then turn around and diet herself down, while at the same time telling women it's ok to be heavier just SMACKS of the kind of bullshit, "Do as I say and not as I do" attitude that I hate.
> 
> ...



It's too complex to think of it just based on the definition of hypocrisy.

If Jennifer Hudson lost weight, began preaching thiness, and became a weight bigot: She deserves the title "Hypocrite." But...she hasn't done that.

Just because someone stands for a message of Fat/Size Acceptance doesn't mean they have to stay the weight they are, or change. 

Let us compare:
Jennifer Hudson may have said some things about honoring your curves and knowing that one's value does not lie within body size. I'll give you that.

Sophie Dahl stated: "If I got really thin, there'd be women who'd feel I had betrayed them. When you become a public figure, you're public property. Suppose I had breast reduction, I'm sure there'd be a national outcry."

Jennifer Hudson has said no statement similar to what Sophie Dahl said. Sophie Dahl still models, but she has succumbed to the pressure after saying that statement. She shouldn't be maimed, but this is a case where I think some dissapproval is actually valid if one can't be neutral about it. She literally proclaimed that the lost weight would make people feel that she betrayed them. Her reasoning behind the lost weight was the modeling too. She gave into the pressure.

It's all in how you express it. Example 2:
I'm a Fat Admirer. I'm also a Fat/Size Activist (I'm pretty dormant beyond the internet as of now though). I have to put the hyphened title there because:
A. I'm not fat, which unfortunately has an effect on my ability of activism. Because of this fact, my major message has to be equality/anti-size discrimination because people tend to bring up my weight as if I'm saying messages aligned to "Cows have feelings too." (That was a comment said to me by a fat friend).
B. I don't believe that there isn't a correlation between weight and health. Well... I consider Obesity to sometimes be a sympytom of unhealthy lifestyle, genetic, diseases like PCOS, et cetera (It's very complex for every person) or something that can worsen things that can affect the body (Like an injured knee for example). Whether or not people interpret that as me believing there is a correlation between weight and health is subjective. I don't know what NAAFA or even the many Dimensions users would interpret that as, so I can't say.

If I were to preach Fat Elitism and (or) Pride (I can preach that larger people have every right to believe in a such a thing, but I don't think I can preach the concept too too much due to a combination of my weight and Activism goals) at every drop of the dime, and I coupled it with thin hatred and hatred of all weight loss attempts: Wouldn't that nullify my activism? It would make me a weight bigot: Just with swapped sizes.

My weight shouldn't come up at all, but it does. That's just another example.

I can very well express my deep beliefs that larger people have every right to do whatever they so wish, but I shouldn't have to put bodyfat on or keep bodyfat to prove my worth. The Fat Acceptance movement isn't about that: It's about knowing deep down inside that your personal value and beauty is not defined by how much weigh. If a person in the movement decides to lose weight, they shouldn't be slandered unless they literally change positions in what they believe in (Which is not defined automatically by a weight loss attempt[Because there are many reasons why people choose to attempt it]) or their reasons aren't aligned to their own personal thoughts: Losing weight for vanity is a good example of this.

Unrelated topic, but another example:
I believe that physical violence in confrontations should be avoided if possible. I am also, however, an avid Marital Artist. I think we should learn to at least try to use words in confrontations, BUT... if someone swings at me: It's on like Donkey Kong!!  
I shouldn't stop training because I believe that violence should be avoided. I can still practice what I preach as I continue practicing Marital (I totally spelled marital arts  [Black Belt in Divorce!! ])... MARTIAL Arts.  

Dissapproval of weight loss is fine when you analyze the person's reasoning behind it and how they express it.

People that have lost weight, and think they have the right to slander fat people because they have become thin/thinner (Or that they are better than fat people): They can go play in the street. Better yet they can jump off a cliff.

Call them whatever you want.  

As for the many other exceptions to that rule: Analyze it for yourself before you come to a conclusion. Did you read the whole article about Jennifer? Did the article touch on her reasons for losing weight?


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## rsoxrule (May 31, 2007)

For a 26 year old, you need to involve yourself less in what the media has to say, and more in what you need to do to enjoy today and the rest of your life.

There is nothing more hypocritical than Hollywood, TV and their stars.......many do things just for the "air" time or to be noticed, and with the combination of The Biggest Loser, commercials for Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig, all of these stars have jumped onto the Bandwagon. I was watching some TV show where "Marcia Brady" got fat and is trying to lose weight.........it would have been great if the actress who played Jan showed up on the set and said "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia --- I see you've found the neighborhood Dairy Queen" :eat1: 

Stop worrying about people that quite honestly shouldn't mean anything to you.............Jennifer Hudson, Rock Hudson, Troy Hudson, Tyra Banks, Carl Banks..........who cares??

You're 26 and youre an FA............appreciate it!!! There so many great things about it. There's usually less competition with other man your age who get caught up in family and media stereotypes, and if you are true to a woman and yourself, then more often than not, a woman of larger size would "open up" more to you..........the second word is size acceptance, is acceptance.........

So turn off the TV and radio, stop looking at useless tabloids and start the process:

1- Go to work, (or school) or your local Dunkin' Donuts or Friendlys and find the cutest girl you can find in the 160-180 pound range
(20 years ago when I went to school..........there was always snobby 115-120 pound girls available, but the 180 pound girl was always "taken". "She" always seemed to be more real............go for a beer, actually eat Taco Bell, be down to Earth, have prettier faces and softer skin, and of course, "other outstanding characteristics".:doh: 

2- Buy her a ice cream sundae or box of cookies to say hi, and spend the next 74 years of your life RESPECTING HER, assisting her with her life goals like career and children and remember your part of a team. If you do this with ANY WOMAN, it will pay off for you 10 times in return........

3- In four years, when you are 30, married with two children and she is 260-280 (and recently fired from her part time job at Friendly's for eating the remaining 2.5 gallons of Butter Pecan ice cream without permission) open up a paysite like Juggmaster, charge $19.95 per month, sit back, relax and smile.
THIS IS THE DREAM JOB OF EVERY GUY ON THIS BOARD (ha ha, OK, OK, OK just mine) and remember you have the power to do anything you want to, and to enjoy your life the way you want to, once you understand and appreciate your wonderful and unique instinct to appeciate a larger woman and ability to look away from the media created "norms" of society that most of us have grown up with...........You'll look back at these posts and say "OYYYY!!!"

There's nothing wrong in your being a man, or an FA, or for that matter, being a Redsox fan in New York.............its just a part of you......a GREAT part of you.....it shouldn't consume you.............:bow: 

For Jon Blaze, who always "hits a hole in one" with this stuff
and 
Samantha NY "who sounds like the bomb" please don't ruin my great opinion of you by being a Yankees fan

You guys are great at keeping things real

Happy Thursday, everybody
Rsoxrule


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## SamanthaNY (May 31, 2007)

rsoxrule said:


> For Jon Blaze, who always "hits a hole in one" with this stuff
> and
> Samantha NY "who sounds like the bomb" please don't ruin my great opinion of you by being a Yankees fan
> 
> ...



Thanks, rsoxrule! And no - I'm not a Yankees fan, so no worries! LOL


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## GWARrior (May 31, 2007)

no, you're right. everyone is out to get you.


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## elle camino (May 31, 2007)

holy crap. SPEAKING of oy...remember how recently in some other thread (can't recall exactly which one), some of the girls here were discussing the 'FA hero complex'?
yeah.
i was gonna contribute my personal definition over there, but now all i have to do is quote the majority of this post. what a lovely little time saver. 


rsoxrule said:


> You're 26 and youre an FA............appreciate it!!! There so many great things about it. There's usually less competition with other man your age who get caught up in family and media stereotypes, and if you are true to a woman and yourself, then more often than not, a woman of larger size would "open up" more to you..........the second word is size acceptance, is acceptance.........
> 
> So turn off the TV and radio, stop looking at useless tabloids and start the process:
> 
> ...



just wow.
list of things i find especially noteworthy:
1. the word _she_ is in quotations.
2. apparantly fat girls don't communicate verbally! did you guys know this already? i had no idea. instead, turns out the proper way to introduce yourself to one is by handing her food. makes sense though, right? i mean i know that i for one don't even understand simple gestures if there isn't a big mac involved. 
3. where do fat girls hang out? why dunkin donuts, of course!
4. step two: RESPECT HER! step three: inform her she will be posing naked on the internet. if "she" objects, remind her that your attraction to fat women is WONDERFUL AND UNIQUE - meaning she's got no other options so make with the paysite, spit spot.


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## kerrypop (May 31, 2007)

Elle, wow... my thoughts exactly. I'd rep ya if I could. Someone rep this lady. That was probably the most insulting post ever. Hooray!


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## Blackjack (May 31, 2007)

elle camino said:


> step two: RESPECT HER! step three: inform her she will be posing naked on the internet. if "she" objects, remind her that your attraction to fat women is WONDERFUL AND UNIQUE - meaning she's got no other options so make with the paysite, spit spot.



Step four: ????
Step five: PROFIT! (Off your paysite which will showcase "The Biggest 'Girl' in the World".)


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## SamanthaNY (May 31, 2007)

kerrypop said:


> Elle, wow... my thoughts exactly. I'd rep ya if I could. Someone rep this lady. That was probably the most insulting post ever. Hooray!



Done. 

Kinda weird how he compliments Jon and I - but writes that 'process' stuff too? Can't speak for Jon, but that's soooo not something I support. Just tired of trying to voice it now.


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## elle camino (May 31, 2007)

maybe we don't understand the post because nobody's handing us donuts while we read it. 
i really don't even know how i'm managing to type right now, without at least a stick of margarine to gnaw on.


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## kerrypop (May 31, 2007)

elle camino said:


> maybe we don't understand the post because nobody's handing us donuts while we read it.
> i really don't even know how i'm managing to type right now, without at least a stick of margarine to gnaw on.



Oh... I usually wear one of those beer hats that have the straws coming down you know? I just put milkshakes in the beer holders and, hey! Hands free constant calorie intake! It really is fabulous. I'll have to send you one.


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## Scrumptious_voluptuous (May 31, 2007)

Hello Karnage.

If we _did_ think that way, you'd be looking at an empty forum.

Chill  Have fun, and don't take the t'internet that seriously. Never let it tell you that what gets you going is wrong (unless it's..y'know..*REALLY* wrong)

If you're thats quick to question your FAness, then maybe there wasn't that much of it in you to begin with.


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## rsoxrule (May 31, 2007)

I simply thanked Jon and Samantha for keeping it real, because they had real answers to the issue.

For those that think my "somewhat flawed" vision of Karnage's future and of women is a valid one, perhaps starting weekends on "Happy Thursday" might be the tonic........but thank you for identifying the passages to further make my point  

Seriously, enjoy the rest of this beautiful sunny, (In New York at least) Thursday

Rsoxrule

P.S. It has made my day, Samantha NY to hear you are not a Yankees fan....


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## elle camino (May 31, 2007)

dude, if that was you joking, you have officially failed joking 101. 
and some guys here actually wonder why girls are suspicious of the whole FA thing, coming from certain guys. i know people who outright dislike fat people who still wouldn't imply the things about them you did in that post. 
pardon me if i don't really see the lols.


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## RedVelvet (May 31, 2007)

Darlin...you keep setting up these Straw Man arguments.......and then knocking them down.

"Because I'd rather look at a healthy, plus sized woman, than a rack of ribs, I AM WRONG in being an FA. 

Because I am a man, I am wrong in being an FA. "

Oh please..you are being silly with those two at the very least.

You know thats not the case.......there ARE a lot of people here with..shall we say.....very sensitive sensiblities.........AND there are a lot of oafs here.....this clash goes on and on, and creates, on occation, a rather hyperdefensive response to small things .....

You need to just........relax a bit....no one is saying you are wrong.....you just need to realize there are lots of different perspectives here, and there is no "wrong" way to be an FA other than .....say.....not hiding it and therefore hurting someone.......or by being abusive to someone physically.

everything else is wiggle room.

breathe.






Karnage70 said:


> *Le SIGH*
> 
> After the less than enthusiastic response to the first thread I ever tried to start here at Dimensions, I find myself questioning my FA-dom. Is it WRONG for me to like big women? Apparently so, according to many of you here.
> 
> ...


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## Dreadlock Holiday (May 31, 2007)

On a vaguely related note, it can be hard for guys these days to know what to say. Sometimes it seems that the two camps are 'guys who don't care how they come across to girls' - the traditional group, if you want to look at it that way, and the 'guys who are paralyzed by trying to avoid looking like the other guys', which isn't fun for them, and probably not for anyone around them either. There are obviously notable exceptions, and they are likely to be really excellent boys. I *do* actually feel sleazy for hitting on girls in any context. This isn't natural, it's nutured, and I don't like it, naturally.

Back to the topic, a good guide to whether what you're doing might make people angsty is to think what it would be like if you replaced the weight in the situation with thinness. I suppose the division is between pro-fat in principle, and pro-acceptance in a fat scenario.

So there you are.


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## LisaInNC (May 31, 2007)

Karnage70 said:


> OK.....But as I said before, is it or is it not hypocritical to say one thing, and turn around and do the other?
> 
> I believe Websters' defines that as hypocrisy.
> 
> ...



I personally think its great that you like fat chicks! Hello be my boyfriend. However I think like all other women we ultimately want to be swept off of our feet. While I understand you have a preference, the fact of the matter is, when you INSIST we be a certain size to be considered by you, its a huge turnoff and personally pisses me off. I call this size INSISTENCE and not size acceptance. At the end of the day we want someone to love us regardless of our weight. Not solely for our weight. As Camyrn Manheim once said " Any man who loves a woman for the size of her dress and not the size of her spirit is a despicable man" (ok i dont think that was ger exact quote but i am close)


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## RedVelvet (May 31, 2007)

elle camino said:


> holy crap. SPEAKING of oy...remember how recently in some other thread (can't recall exactly which one), some of the girls here were discussing the 'FA hero complex'?
> yeah.
> i was gonna contribute my personal definition over there, but now all i have to do is quote the majority of this post. what a lovely little time saver.
> 
> ...





out-fecking-STANDING!

Cripes........smug cluelessness couched in good intentions is always a heartbreaker...Rsox.....here's to hoping you meant it differently.


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## Mini (May 31, 2007)

Karnage, I think I've figured out why you have trouble with women: YOU HAVE A BIGGER VAGINA THAN THEY DO.

Jesus Christ, dude, the only time they're really all out to get you is when you're fucking relevant.

Lighten up, love fat, and fuck anyone who looks at you cock-eyed.


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## LisaInNC (May 31, 2007)

Mini said:


> Karnage, I think I've figured out why you have trouble with women: YOU HAVE A BIGGER VAGINA THAN THEY DO.
> 
> Seriously, you make ME look comfortable with myself.



i LOVE big vaginas!! you can hold your wallet n stuff in there...fantastic! :smitten:


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## Mini (May 31, 2007)

LisaInNC said:


> i LOVE big vaginas!! you can hold your wallet n stuff in there...fantastic! :smitten:



Then dare I ask what the purse is for?


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## LisaInNC (May 31, 2007)

Mini said:


> Then dare I ask what the purse is for?



The namebrand...too band we cant put dolce and gabana on our vaginas


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## T_Devil (May 31, 2007)

Ok, first of all, it's a message board. Some people like you, some people don't like you as much and yes, some people don't like you. I know this because There are boards where I am beloved, and there are boards where I am despised. But you know something, I don't question who I am.

I am an FA and I will not apologize for that.
I am outspoken about it, and I will not apologize for that either.
I use words that some people are uncomfortable with, like FAT, I don't apologize for that.

WHY?

Because each of these things are things I've learned. I've had my feet held in the fire (figuratively speaking) for saying some of the things I've said. I've even taken a vacation from this message board to get my head together.

People gang up on you? That means you're popular, for the wrong reason, but at least they're looking at you. At least they want to try and set you straight even though you think you're fine. I don't know if it's because they think they want to help or if they smell weakness on you and want to eliminate you from the herd. I don't know, whatever.

Point is this, Don't let a bunch of people on a message board who scarcely know you dictate your feelings to you. You know what you feel, you just have to find a way of expressing those feelings. That is a trial and error basis. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's a disaster But you must always hold your head up high because you have something and it is PRIDE.

Don't let people fuck with your pride, ever. It is what gives you confidence. It is what drives you. It is that thing that gives you a sense of purpose. Believe me when I tell you that people have tried to rip my pride away from me. On some message boards, it's been as brutal as the collective telling me "Fat chicks are gross". I'm not out to change minds, I'm out to embolden. I'm not out to make people understand us, I'm out to support people who already know their inner truth and are looking to accept it, or have accepted it and want to share their pride with a collective of like minded people.

You want to be a part of a community, that's great. You want to be a part of this community, then take your lumps. I get my chops busted around here a lot. Visit Hyde Park, you'll see. I'm not here to try and fit in, I'm here to be me. If it get's to be too much for you, fall back and search other boards. Come back to this one when you feel ready. I did. Now I pretty much don't care what people think of me and until I do something to get banned, I'll be a regular visitor. If I quit showing up and I'm not banned, I'm just taking a break.

But I always return.


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## Mini (May 31, 2007)

LisaInNC said:


> The namebrand...too band we cant put dolce and gabana on our vaginas



You could, but it might seem kinda fishy.


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## LisaInNC (May 31, 2007)

Mini said:


> You could, but it might seem kinda fishy.



Not sure what sort of women you date but may I suggest penicillin?


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## Mini (May 31, 2007)

LisaInNC said:


> Not sure what sort of women you date but may I suggest penicillin?



At the moment I date my left hand.

Go on, hazard a guess as to why.


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## Ruby Ripples (May 31, 2007)

rsoxrule said:


> For a 26 year old, you need to involve yourself less in what the media has to say, and more in what you need to do to enjoy today and the rest of your life.
> 
> There is nothing more hypocritical than Hollywood, TV and their stars.......many do things just for the "air" time or to be noticed, and with the combination of The Biggest Loser, commercials for Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig, all of these stars have jumped onto the Bandwagon. I was watching some TV show where "Marcia Brady" got fat and is trying to lose weight.........it would have been great if the actress who played Jan showed up on the set and said "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia --- I see you've found the neighborhood Dairy Queen" :eat1:
> 
> ...



Well, i actually thought this was cute. If a guy picked me up in Dunkin Donuts Id be quite delighted and I have been given boxes of sweets before by FAs and never been insulted. It was meant with sweet sentiment, and some gentle humour. I just don't think every post on the boards needs to be torn apart when it doesnt talk about loving women for our souls, inner selves, liberated... vaginas, or whatever. First attraction in a relationship is usually physical, fact. NO matter how "above" that some people might think they are. You never know, a guy who walks up to you in a chocolate shop (well you didnt get fat by eating lettuce), might actually have a wonderful mind, intellect and be the sweetest guy alive. The fact he is an FA should be an added advantage  . If he is an ass or only interested in your fat then you'll soon work that out, just as quickly as if you met him in a bar and he never bought you anything but a gin and tonic.


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## LisaInNC (May 31, 2007)

Mini said:


> At the moment I date my left hand.
> 
> Go on, hazard a guess as to why.



Cause the right one cheated on you?


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## Mini (May 31, 2007)

He got drunk and groped some floozie. Thanks to that asshole I have a court date.


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## LisaInNC (May 31, 2007)

Mini said:


> He got drunk and groped some floozie. Thanks to that asshole I have a court date.



So did your right hand dump you for the floozie or is it on punishment for cheating?


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## Mini (May 31, 2007)

LisaInNC said:


> So did your right hand dump you for the floozie or is it on punishment for cheating?



Let's just say he had a run-in with a certain Mr. Band Saw.


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## LisaInNC (May 31, 2007)

Mini said:


> Let's just say he had a run-in with a certain Mr. Band Saw.



That'll teach him!


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## Jane (May 31, 2007)

Giraffes?Giraffes! said:


> Hey dude.
> 
> Take a breath. I'm sorry you got jumped on by some folks, but you've gotta learn to *wait out those bouts of searing frustration with the myriad contradictions that come with being a heterosexual man*. Don't rush to the keyboard, 'cause you'll end up, in all likelihood, sounding like a bit of a nutbar.
> 
> *Not to say that you ARE one, mind you.*



To quote Seinfeld:

"Not that there's anything wrong with that."


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## rsoxrule (May 31, 2007)

for the kind words..............it was meant to be sarcastic and light and from my point of view, even "distorted" at 2:30 in the morning, I thought I had achieved that.

Elle - your reaction was on point if my post was my opinion.
Many times my wife or co-workers say humorously "You're an ass"
Feel free to call me that if you like, but please don't ever call me "dude" 

These are my final words on this thread..........my intention was to add a little humor to a thread that I thought was going in a bad way.......if it did not hit everyone the way I intended, so be it. This is still a wonderful place to vent, talk, learn, educate and many times enjoy a moment or two "out of the box" chatting with up to thousands of people we will most likely never meet........

Once again, hugs, and happy Thursday
Rsoxrule


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## Renaissance Woman (May 31, 2007)

rsoxrule said:


> Elle - your reaction was on point if my post was my opinion.
> Many times my wife or co-workers say humorously "You're an ass"
> Feel free to call me that if you like, but please don't ever call me "dude"


Okay, dude.


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## GWARrior (May 31, 2007)

go Yankees!


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## T_Devil (May 31, 2007)

GWARrior said:


> go Yankees!


.....dude!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 31, 2007)

elle camino said:


> j
> 2. apparantly fat girls don't communicate verbally! did you guys know this already? i had no idea. instead, turns out the proper way to introduce yourself to one is by handing her food. makes sense though, right? i mean i know that i for one don't even understand simple gestures if there isn't a big mac involved.
> 3. where do fat girls hang out? why dunkin donuts, of course!




This is why I choose to hang out in steakhouse parking lots instead..... he's gonna HAVE to spring for a t-bone with this hard cookie!


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## Leonard (May 31, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> Well, i actually thought this was cute. If a guy picked me up in Dunkin Donuts Id be quite delighted and I have been given boxes of sweets before by FAs and never been insulted. It was meant with sweet sentiment, and some gentle humour. I just don't think every post on the boards needs to be torn apart when it doesnt talk about loving women for our souls, inner selves, liberated... vaginas, or whatever. First attraction in a relationship is usually physical, fact. NO matter how "above" that some people might think they are. You never know, a guy who walks up to you in a chocolate shop (well you didnt get fat by eating lettuce), might actually have a wonderful mind, intellect and be the sweetest guy alive. The fact he is an FA should be an added advantage  . If he is an ass or only interested in your fat then you'll soon work that out, just as quickly as if you met him in a bar and he never bought you anything but a gin and tonic.



I agree with Ruby. Rsoxrule's post was unquestionably crude, but I got the impression that it was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek. His overall message was a positive one: don't worry what other people think and embrace being an FA.


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## SchecterFA (May 31, 2007)

Karnage70 said:


> @kerrypop: It's not that *I* feel like a slimeball for liking big women, it's that I come here and get slammed for doing so, which makes me FEEL like a slimeball pervert. I had thought that Dimensions was a place where ALL who like bigger women were tolerated. But then I turn around and get flack for "trying to force my perverted views on all women" which makes me FEEL like a slimeball for liking what I do. Am I making sense?



I think that you're intelligent enough to know that Dimensions is certainly a place that at the very least, tolerates the liking of big women , regardless of what you say about it. I think that you're aware of that very clearly, but at the same time, you're pushing that button. The fact that you're willing to go that far out on a limb to make it clear that you're VICTIMIZED, VICTIMIZED, VICTIMIZED says something about you that you've yet to confront as a human. That is a character trait that you need to drop if you want to advance as a person and socialite. This may sound very much like armchair psychology, but I'm calling this like I see it.

But I'll buy it that you don't accept yourself, since I've had those thoughts before, and some of those I absolutely believed for a while. You seemed to mention the set of basic instincts of the average FA male here that posts here on a regular basis, excluding some of the 'weirder' stuff that is mentioned. I've got a few of those 'weirder' quirks that I pray that you don't have, because it seems to me like you'd actually chop your own penis off if you had any of those, judging from the moral severity of 'liking big girls' to begin, with as you see it. 

To be a dignified individual, you have to face your basest instincts, and learn to coexist with things that you absolutely cannot change, like the fact that you have five fingers or that you're a certain height, that you're going to require food to live and that you're going to expire from this earth one day. Or the fact that you like fat girls. For people like us, its a bit harder. But look at people who are coprophagists and shut up. Imagine how much HARDER it would be to be a vorarephiliac. Think about a emetophiliac. Comprehend that.

And you're debating to create circles. It does not require four pages of responses from 50 different people to address your issues that you've stated, normally this should be reserved for something like politics, nanotechnology, a college-campus shooting, or ... a consensus to evaluate public opinion. And I'm hoping that you value your self more than to let self-esteem weigh on public opinion.

And unless you've been banned, I think you've stopped posting because you see that no one here is going to throw a pity party in your honor and no attractive fat girls at that party are going to coddle you, instead, we're going to call you out because we've been there before and know what is going on. Sorry I wrote so much in this post, I thought about ignoring this but then I realized that you're probably a person in real life who premeditated this post, and its extremely harmful to do this to yourself. Not just hating your orientation, but willfully being naive because being brave is too hard.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (May 31, 2007)

Chill, Karnage. Life is too short to get so upset.

I've gotten some interesting reactions from people when they found out that I liked big women. Some people didn't care. Some raised their eyebrows. Some became derisive. I've had big women look at me as if I were some kind of pervert because of my desires. I've dealt with women who would not turn on the lights when we had sex because they did not want me to see how large they were. I even had a woman to think that the only reason I liked her was because of her size.

No man should ever tell a woman what to do with her body. That is both inappropriate and insensitive.

I am an interracial dater and I will tell you it's no different from being an FA. You have a preference that is different from the majority's, and so you are going to get the whole gamut of reactions from others. Some will ignore you, some will laugh at you, some will look at you with raised eyebrows or stares and others will take you seriously. Disregard the reactions of others and go for the love you seek.

Being a fat admirer does not mean wanting a woman to eat until she becomes sick. The feeders and the fetishists are into that. I have been an acknowledged FA for 6 1/2 years and I have never been aroused by extreme eating. You're on your own there, brother. 

And being an FA does not mean you must be a belly lover. Some of us love breasts, thighs, calves, fat backs, fat necks, fat faces, big hips and thighs, and any combination of these.

Sometimes some big women may not understand why you would be attracted to them. Trust me, it's not you. It's the fact that all women have self-acceptance issues. Given that big women are the brunt of bigoted attitudes about obesity, how can you be surprised that some women might regard you with skepticism? Some women are happy to be big, and some hate it. 

We live in a close-minded society that preaches freedom but practices discrimination. What you have to remember is that you cannot let the discriminators' ideas form the basis of your self concept. Nobody said having a seuxal preference different from most of America would be easy. You have it and you may as well be happy.






Karnage70 said:


> *Le SIGH*
> 
> After the less than enthusiastic response to the first thread I ever tried to start here at Dimensions, I find myself questioning my FA-dom. Is it WRONG for me to like big women? Apparently so, according to many of you here.
> 
> ...


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## Santaclear (May 31, 2007)

Chill, Carnage. 

(I haven't read these threads but it sounds cool to say that.)


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## superodalisque (Jun 1, 2007)

i can sympathize with you about how you might feel. but as an ssbbw i feel the same way when i express myself. i'm often told that i do not like FAs because i refuse to accept anything that makes me uncomfortable personally. if i don't feel like eating at a particular moment i am supposed to be hiding a natural tendency toward erotic gluttony that i must possess. if i don't eat a lot i'm also a pretender of some kind. there is something wrong with me if i cringe when i hear other women being referred to as bags of bones and skinny bitches. i'm supposed to like to see other women be degraded for their looks the same as bbws and ssbbws have been. i am also supposed to like being objectified to the point that no one really cares what my name is, what accomplishments i have or how strong i am. i'm only supposed to be a collection of numbers and measurements and nothing else. and, i'm supposed to like it. i'm told that i am whore if i show my body. i'm also told that i'm a prude if i do not. i am supposed to gladly accept this behavior because no one except and FA would want me, even though experience has taught me otherwise. i am not supposed to expect to have a real relationship, only be a fuck buddy. intimacy is a waste of time. i shouldn't have the self esteem of the beautiful lovely woman i am who asks for what she wants and says how she feels. i am not supposed to be threatening in any way to your sexuality simply because i exist and i have an opinion. i am wrong because i am a woman and i don't know my place.


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## diggers1917 (Jun 1, 2007)

To an extent I can sympathise with 'questioning' your FA-dom, but in the context of questioning ourselves in all aspects. If we question ourselves we can come to understand ourselves more fully and even discover new aspects. However, you appear to be less 'questioning', more hating. In that I can also empathise having been in a similar state a few years ago, I certainly wouldn't recomend it. I thought my being attracted to big girls and weight gain in particular made me an inherently bad, manipulative personality (as this was how I had seen such people portrayed), not worthy of happiness. 

I was lucky - I came out the other side a more rounded personality. I came to see beauty in woman of all sizes. A nice big woman still grabs my attention faster, but I can find something beautiful and attractive in near all the woman I know, be they plump, supersized or skinny. I realised that my inclinations didn't dictate whether I was good or bad, only _how_ I act on them. I still have problems with self-confidence, but they do not stem from shame of my preferences.

As I say, I was lucky; I could just have desended into a pit of dispair and never come out, being ashamed of myself for no good reason. 

In your claim that it is the people on this board who have led you to start 'questioning' yourself, I must say I'd dispute that - watching this boards for years was part of what helped me escape the pit. Either way I hope you come to a conclusion that you are genuinely certain of and (more importantly) genuinely happy with.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Jun 1, 2007)

I think I'll be the first person to say .. 

don't chill out. 

seriously. one less FA in this world can't possibly be detrimental to me. 

keep up the good work.


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 1, 2007)

Karnage-

I think the first thing you need to do is pack up your emotional baggage and put luggage tags on it and send it off someplace. Because really, your anger/rage issues are totally out of proportion to responses on an internet site.

Considering how much I requote Red Hot Ava on this statement, I feel bad she's not getting royalties, but here goes: this site is about size acceptance, not fat supremacy. One thing that is virtually never well received is when a man talks about changing a woman's body. It's come up in various incarnations and in nearly ALL instances, yes, the women do get angry about it b/c feeling as if you have the right to change somebody else's body for the sole reason that it would become more sexually appealing to you is just all sorts of wrong. And if you read any thread in which an FA asks how he can encourage his partner to change her appearance, he will nearly always get negative repsonses from *many* women, both SSBBW's and average size women.

Human sexuality is at once very complex and very simple. You like what you like. You just do. You may or may not feel as if you need to figure out why you have the preferences you do and you may or may not feel the need to explain them to others. For me, the sum total of what I say both to myself and to others is "I don't know why, but I just think bigger guys are cute." I don't know you or your peer group or family or if anyone around you will or won't care who you date--those are issues you can work out on Dims if you present them in a calm and rational manner. Most FA's will likely be happy to share their experiences with you.

As to the extent of your FA'ness. You may or may not really know where you are with it, or you may know but it's still sort of working its way to the front of your brain. Sometimes it can be a difficult thing to get your head around (WTF??? Why do I only get a hard on when I see a woman who is 350 lbs or more? Why do I need to think of feederism and weight gain in order to get aroused?) but given time, it'll come to you.


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## KerryNation (Jun 1, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> Karnage-
> 
> I think the first thing you need to do is pack up your emotional baggage and put luggage tags on it and send it off someplace. Because really, your anger/rage issues are totally out of proportion to responses on an internet site.
> 
> ...



But if this is TRULY a "size acceptance" board, please explain the "Plus size Paysite" section, and all of the thousands of stories (one of which I WAS writing myself before all this happened) about fattening women up. 

I see nothing about, for, or concerning skinny women, or fetishizing women LOSING weight here. So pardon my confusion when I question that statement, and find it bizarre that in a place that has a subforum simply for women to post pictures of how fat they've gotten, that so many women would bash me for my preferrences. 

Still confused.


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## activistfatgirl (Jun 1, 2007)

There's no reason for all the bright and exprienced posters to continue to give advice, share stories, extend offers of support or a different way of looking at things if its falling on deaf ears. 3 pages of posts is enough. 

If the OP wants to understand what this community is about (and this includes the subforums/communities interested and active in WG and fetish activities) his best bet is to re-read this entire thread once more, and then read more threads and get involved in the community, not begin a one man tour of victimization and questions that has now spanned over two threads. There are more than enough active gainers and folks into weight gain on the weight board. There's no reason to continue hashing this out. But maybe I'm with Blazingguns here.


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## Jane (Jun 1, 2007)

People, please note the OP's name.

Would "Shit-Stirrer" have made it any clearer?


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## SamanthaNY (Jun 1, 2007)




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## T_Devil (Jun 1, 2007)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I think I'll be the first person to say ..
> 
> don't chill out.
> 
> ...


For The Win!
You sir, deserve internets!


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## KerryNation (Jun 1, 2007)

Jane said:


> People, please note the OP's name.
> 
> Would "Shit-Stirrer" have made it any clearer?




Right, because that has everything to do with the discussion at hand. 


Your words did NOT fall on deaf ears, and in fact, are being seriously considered and contemplated.


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## SamanthaNY (Jun 1, 2007)

That's it, Junior - you're reported. 

Enough.

This site _is_ what it _is_ - you can participate and learn without questioning every damn thing, or you can.... not. We're quite fine with the way it is, and I for one don't appreciate your questioning and criticizing a place that has given you an opportunity to express your confusion over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over while bashing those that have tried to hold honest dicussions with you. 

Enough.


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## activistfatgirl (Jun 1, 2007)

Oh, ok. There's the whole learning to understand the community thing OR the getting your ass banned thing.

I'm only trying to lure you in now. muhaha.

I'd be upset you just insulted Jane like that, but I'm sure she'll take it as a compliment. :wubu:


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## Pookie (Jun 1, 2007)




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## LoveBHMS (Jun 1, 2007)

Karnage70 said:


> But if this is TRULY a "size acceptance" board, please explain the "Plus size Paysite" section, and all of the thousands of stories (one of which I WAS writing myself before all this happened) about fattening women up.
> 
> I see nothing about, for, or concerning skinny women, or fetishizing women LOSING weight here. So pardon my confusion when I question that statement, and find it bizarre that in a place that has a subforum simply for women to post pictures of how fat they've gotten, that so many women would bash me for my preferrences.
> 
> Still confused.



Ok. The NAACP is a civil rights organization. They will primarily get involved in civil rights as they pertain to race because it is more common that people of color will face racial discrimination or be lynched. This does not mean the NAACP hates white people or would in any way find it acceptable to discriminate against white people or be ok with a bunch of black people tying a white man to a truck and dragging him to his death.

The Human Rights Campaign is a civil rights organization that focuses on fighting discrimination based on sexual orientation. It is more common for a gay, lesbian or transgendered person to be the victim of discrimination based on sexual orientation, however they have very openly spoken out against gay employers that have fired straight people. 

Size Acceptance is more tilted toward fat people because they are more likely to face discrimination based on their size than skinny people are. Concurrently, there are men and women who have a sexual preference or interest or attraction to larger partners and they may experience negative feedback from friends and family. On this board, the fact that those sexual attractions exist are understood and discussed, as is feederism which is something of a "sub kink" if you will.

Had you been at the Heavenly Bodies Memorial Day party, you'd have seen the following. Waxwing and myself, sizes 8 and 10 respectively, running around having a great time. Nobody was anything but friendly and welcoming. Nobody called us skinny bitches or asked why we were there or told us to go hang with our own kind. This is *size acceptance.* At the same time, none of the FA's really noticed us in a sexual/potentially romantic way. Why? Because they are FA's and thus prefer to look at BBW's and SSBBW's.


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## Spanky (Jun 1, 2007)

I fear the dogs in hats coming......

Dr. Spanky's prescription is a couple of these. 

View attachment Chill Pill.png


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## KerryNation (Jun 1, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> Ok. The NAACP is a civil rights organization. They will primarily get involved in civil rights as they pertain to race because it is more common that people of color will face racial discrimination or be lynched. This does not mean the NAACP hates white people or would in any way find it acceptable to discriminate against white people or be ok with a bunch of black people tying a white man to a truck and dragging him to his death.
> 
> The Human Rights Campaign is a civil rights organization that focuses on fighting discrimination based on sexual orientation. It is more common for a gay, lesbian or transgendered person to be the victim of discrimination based on sexual orientation, however they have very openly spoken out against gay employers that have fired straight people.
> 
> ...



Ok....I understand what you're saying. Thanks for explaining it. 

Sorry to be so dense....but these things legitimately ARE confusing to me.


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## SchecterFA (Jun 1, 2007)

Good god --- This thread got two more pages.

I don't think you're "confused", carnage. You're just picking a different fight. Which makes me wonder : How the hell did you start with stating how you feel about liking big women, to being pertinent about whether or not this site is 'fair and balanced' ( I guess ) as you see it towards all sizes of women? *The fact that this site embraces a paysite board or does'nt pander to weight-loss fetishism is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT TO THE SUBJECT OF THE THREAD WHEN IT STARTED*. I think you need to read the post I made earlier in the thread. You want to run us all in circles and I hope this thread gets closed.


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## Jane (Jun 1, 2007)

Karnage70 said:


> Right, because that has everything to do with the discussion at hand.
> 
> 
> Your words did NOT fall on deaf ears, and in fact, are being seriously considered and contemplated.



I sense "Fart in the Elevator" syndrome.


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## Carrie (Jun 1, 2007)

I can't believe that this thread got to five pages and no one made a comment about the OP having a dom who is a FA, about whom he has questions. Or did I miss it?


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## Pookie (Jun 1, 2007)

Carrie said:


> I can't believe that this thread got to five pages and no one made a comment about the OP having a dom who is a FA, about whom he has questions. Or did I miss it?



LMAO.... FA Doms can be fun...


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## Carrie (Jun 1, 2007)

Pookie said:


> LMAO.... FA Doms can be fun...



I plead the fifth on that. :batting:


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 1, 2007)

Carrie said:


> I can't believe that this thread got to five pages and no one made a comment about the OP having a dom who is a FA, about whom he has questions. Or did I miss it?



I'm questioning my FA-dom until I get pictures of you without your shirt. And if you don't send them, everyone will blame you.


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## Carrie (Jun 1, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> I'm questioning my FA-dom until I get pictures of you without your shirt. And if you don't send them, everyone will blame you.



Don't you ever stop objectifying me, you tawdry little minx. :smitten:


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 1, 2007)

Carrie said:


> Don't you ever stop objectifying me, you tawdry little minx. :smitten:




Those fanciful words like "tawdry" do it for me. You sure know that! :smitten:


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## Tina (Jun 1, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> Had you been at the Heavenly Bodies Memorial Day party, you'd have seen the following. Waxwing and myself, sizes 8 and 10 respectively, running around having a great time. Nobody was anything but friendly and welcoming. Nobody called us skinny bitches or asked why we were there or told us to go hang with our own kind. This is *size acceptance.* At the same time, none of the FA's really noticed us in a sexual/potentially romantic way. Why? Because they are FA's and thus prefer to look at BBW's and SSBBW's.


I think this is how it should be, Love. Good people should be treated like good people, regardless of their size. But yeah, the FAs likely won't give the attention to the thin girls, just like non-FAs don't really give attention to the fat ones in social situations.

[Mod]This thread is closed.[/Mod]


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