# Cases of Forced Feederism



## Weirdo890 (Dec 22, 2009)

Has anybody heard of or experienced a case of forced feederism or gaining? Ashley had asked about this on another thread and I was wondering about it myself. What I mean by "forced" is some form of manipulation was used by one person to coerce another person into gaining.


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## Blackjack (Dec 22, 2009)

If anything, I would say that this crap was rare,
But I thought _man, forget it_- "YO HOES, GET THE FUNNEL"


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## Weirdo890 (Dec 22, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> If anything, I would say that this crap was rare,
> But I thought _man, forget it_- "YO HOES, GET THE FUNNEL"



You are _sooo_ helpful.


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## KHayes666 (Dec 22, 2009)

Weirdo890 said:


> Has anybody heard of or experienced a case of forced feederism or gaining? Ashley had asked about this on another thread and I was wondering about it myself. What I mean by "forced" is some form of manipulation was used by one person to coerce another person into gaining.



Hmmm, that can be taken two ways. Would you consider someone who's taking someone out to eat more often than they should be "forcing" them to gain? I'm not talking about injecting butter into things, but saying things like "Oh you look great hun" or "You think you're fat? So what, you're gorgeous" to someone who's obviously put on weight since you've been with that person. For example, a girl I was friends with went from 180 to 220 within a year and not once did I say anything about feederism/gaining/etc but I didn't "force" her to do anything.....would that be considered "forced" gaining?

In terms of force feeding though, that seems to be a common practice with a lot of gainers. Did you mean force feeding someone NOT willing?

Just asking questions, trying to see where you're coming from.


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## Weirdo890 (Dec 22, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Hmmm, that can be taken two ways. Would you consider someone who's taking someone out to eat more often than they should be "forcing" them to gain? I'm not talking about injecting butter into things, but saying things like "Oh you look great hun" or "You think you're fat? So what, you're gorgeous" to someone who's obviously put on weight since you've been with that person. For example, a girl I was friends with went from 180 to 220 within a year and not once did I say anything about feederism/gaining/etc but I didn't "force" her to do anything.....would that be considered "forced" gaining?
> 
> In terms of force feeding though, that seems to be a common practice with a lot of gainers. Did you mean force feeding someone NOT willing?
> 
> Just asking questions, trying to see where you're coming from.



Thank you for asking questions. it does help clear up any misconceptions. I mean trying to feed someone who is unwilling through physical, emotional, or mental manipulation. What I mean by emotional and mental is a person playing off of someone's insecurities in order for them to do what you please. Does that help?
Also, the above example would not be considered a case of "forced gaining" here.


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## KHayes666 (Dec 22, 2009)

Weirdo890 said:


> Thank you for asking questions. it does help clear up any misconceptions. I mean trying to feed someone who is unwilling through physical, emotional, or mental manipulation. What I mean by emotional and mental is a person playing off of someone's insecurities in order for them to do what you please. Does that help?
> Also, the above example would not be considered a case of "forced gaining" here.



Then I don't think you'll find too much of that. I myself have only heard of one situation where someone gained under protest, but even then I don't have all the details and I can't be quoted on it.

Other than that, not too sure the practice of forcing someone to gain is common. Its not my cup of tea, but I'm sure others think its hot..just be careful with it.


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## tonynyc (Dec 22, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Then I don't think you'll find too much of that. I myself have only heard of one situation where someone gained under protest, but even then I don't have all the details and I can't be quoted on it.
> 
> Other than that, not too sure the practice of forcing someone to gain is common. Its not my cup of tea, but I'm sure others think its hot..just be careful with it.



One could consider the sport of Football (some Division 1 college programs and perhaps the NFL) were certain players have to be at a particular size...

The only other examples are the Women that have to take part in the Bride Fattening huts in certain cultures


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## Weirdo890 (Dec 22, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> One could consider the sport of Football (some Division 1 college programs and perhaps the NFL) were certain players have to be at a particular size...
> 
> The only other examples are the Women that have to take part in the Bride Fattening huts in certain cultures



I forgot about that example. Maybe I should do more research before I start a thread like this. I think it shows what an ignorant schmuck I am.


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## tonynyc (Dec 22, 2009)

Weirdo890 said:


> I forgot about that example. Maybe I should do more research before I start a thread like this. I think it shows what an ignorant schmuck I am.



Not really.. I think the last time this show aired on the cable networks was in 2007....


Youtube clip for 2002 - there may be others so u might have to check 

Fat House Nigeria


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 23, 2009)

I've got a family urban legend to share. I had an aunt who was bedridden because of an accident. She also happened to be over 500 pounds but that was not why she was bedridden. She had common law 'husband' who took very good care of her. Years later they broke up and he moved out. She was living in filth and squalor trying to keep up appearances but eventually my dad had to intervene. I was a child but the way the story was told, it seemed he'd fattened her up and then left her. That wasn't the case at all. I later learned that she got mad and kicked him out. For years the family blamed him for her latter condition though both she and he insisted that was not the case. Still, it was perceived that he was evil and he forced her to gain or whatever. That is not what happened but this is what my family believes to this day even after her death and they will swear to it no matter what.


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## Ash (Dec 23, 2009)

Yeah, my point in asking for specific cases of forced feederism was that I think you'd be hard pressed to find them. Every time I've heard this argument against feeding come up with the "feeders forcing women (or men, though the story is usually about a helpless woman) to gain against their will" anecdote, it's been an urban legend or just a skewed account of what really happened. I don't deny that it's entirely possible that forced feedism does exist, but I think the cases of this are very, very rare and (though this sounds like a harsh way to put it) statistically insignificant.


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## Red Raven (Dec 23, 2009)

I swear I remember awhile back there was a russian girl on this site who had a picture up of her with a tube in her mouth being force fed with the tube. I remember her eyes seemed very glazed and a lot of posters thought the use of some type of drugging was involved.


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## Ash (Dec 23, 2009)

Red Raven said:


> I swear I remember awhile back there was a russian girl on this site who had a picture up of her with a tube in her mouth being force fed with the tube. I remember her eyes seemed very glazed and a lot of posters thought the use of some type of drugging was involved.



Force feeding is a common fantasy that some people willingly take part in in real life. The drugging thing sounds like speculation, so it makes my point for me. 

Again, I'm not denying that it's possible that this has happened, but, for as many times as we hear forced feederism as an argument against feederism as a whole, you'd think we'd be able to discuss real, true, and known cases.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 23, 2009)

The picture being referenced (I believe) was taken by the girl, willingly, as a fantasy set. And the speculation that she may be drugged was in large part due to continued discussions of her own mental stability/if she took drugs herself, etc. She was not part of a feeder/feedee relationship to my knowledge, her site and images were all self-driven. 


So, again, back to main point of Ashley - it's this spectre that everyone points to, but when you pull back the curtain there's rarely anything to see.


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## superodalisque (Dec 23, 2009)

i've never seen or even heard of a case of forced feederism. but i have seen and experienced people who've tried to emotionally manipulate me or other people into it. often even after i've said expressly that i'm not into it there are people who would continually push at every opportunity. but in that case the primary owness is on the BHM/BBW to protect himself/herself. but its sad to see women in particular, who are otherwise powerful, succumb to that. thats why i worry about the BBW community and its philosophy that seems to rely on the insistance that only an FA can appreciate a BBW or is sexually attracted to her discounting all of the men who will just appreciate her as the woman she is body mind and spirit and are just doing it without the support of a community. i feel that makes some BBWs feel unwanted and a bit desperate and leaves the impression that the only FAs out there are the ones only attracted to them as a fetish object. 

i also think that position feeds into (no pun intended) the desperate state of mind that some few feeders seem to encourage in order to manipulate and exploit some women who are really emotionally lost and will falsely take up being a feedee to just please them. i don't think i has to necessarily be forced in a physical sense to be dangerous when it comes to women who really don't believe they are attractive as women but only a a fetish objects especially when she is dealing with a man who witholds affection or approval unless she is behaving as he likes. there is nothing at all wrong with enjoying being the object of fetish if thats what you want as a BBW but its a real problem if you don't believe you are also attractive in other ways. thats where i think the potential for abuse by people who are obsessed with ( and not just enjoying one) a fetish lies. at such a weakened state a BBW is bound to attract people who are narcissistic and really don't care what her emotional or physical outcome is because they are so driven by something they may not even understand and are often disconnected from. i think its possible that a feeder who is obsessed and doesn't understand firsthand or can't psychologically relate to what the realities mean can push too far. by the time he figures it out, if he ever does, it can be too late. then you probably also have a very few who are well aware and don't care. i've run into a few like that and i have friends who've been involved with feeders like that. i don't think they are by any means any majority by any stretch of the wildest imagination. but the fact that they are there at all is scary. 

i also get the feeling when i talk to women who come into contact with men like these that i may not be getting the full story. its highly possible that they may have been forced. some have said they were physically abused but didn't go into details and i didn't push. the reason i get that feeling is because i can sense some deep shame and embarrassment that you don't often come across when women survive an act of violence not dealing with the feeder/feedee relationship. in situtations like that i think anything is possible and just because someone doesn't tell you its happening doesn't mean its not. also, i don't think anyone who has gone through that would ever be honest about it on dims because of the criticism they'd face on both sides. lets be honest. dims is not always a compassionate place. no one wants to hear "i told you so!", and also someone might not want to put a blemish on something thats harmless overall unless you run into a truly abusive personality. 

it would be strange to think that feeders don't have the same potential to be abusers as anyone else. it would also be disingenious to pretend that thier penchant for feederism would never play a part in that abuse. that would be intellectually dishonest. i don't think every person who indulges or fantasizes about feeding or being a feedee is a potential abuser or abusee, especially when they have a good self image. but i have seen a lot of women engaging just to please someone because they feel thats all they can attract. i'm not sure that just because someone isn't forced physically it means they still haven't encountered abuse at the hands of a feeder. emotional abuse can be just as damaging.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 23, 2009)

> i feel that makes some BBWs feel unwanted and a bit desperate and leaves the impression that the only FAs out there are the ones only attracted to them as a fetish object.




Once again, equating being an FA as a fetish, and not equating being an FA with a preference. 

One more time, with feeling: 

Not all FAs are feeders.

Not all Feeders are FAs.


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## CrankySpice (Dec 23, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> thats why i worry about the BBW community and its philosophy that seems to rely on the insistance that only an FA can appreciate a BBW or is sexually attracted to her discounting all of the men who will just appreciate her as the woman she is body mind and spirit and are just doing it without the support of a community. i feel that makes some BBWs feel unwanted and a bit desperate and leaves the impression that the only FAs out there are the ones only attracted to them as a fetish object.



Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? I'm thoroughly and completely confused by this post in this particular thread....are you saying that you believe that every FA on this board is a feeder who is hell bent on force feeding every BBW they come across? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?


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## superodalisque (Dec 23, 2009)

AnnMarie said:


> Once again, equating being an FA as a fetish, and not equating being an FA with a preference.
> 
> One more time, with feeling:
> 
> ...



that wasn't my intention. i never use the word all here. i've used the word some and a few and even a very few as qualifiers. i did go back and edit because i know not all FAs are feeders. and i also don't think all feeders are bad guys. but i don't think it would be truthful to pretend that cases don't potentially exist knowing how the human race functions. any group has people who are obsessive narcissitic etc... and to pretend they don't exist would not be honest.


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## superodalisque (Dec 23, 2009)

CrankySpice said:


> Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? I'm thoroughly and completely confused by this post in this particular thread....are you saying that you believe that every FA on this board is a feeder who is hell bent on force feeding every BBW they come across? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?



i think you need to read that again more carefully


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## CrankySpice (Dec 23, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i think you need to read that again more carefully



I'm not sure what you think I'm missing. 

This is a thread about forced feederism. 

In your opening paragraph, you lash out at FAs for "making" some BBWs feel unwanted and desperate and allude that it therefore leads to these BBWs feeling they have no choice but to be in a feeder/feedee relationship.

It would be VERY difficult for anyone to read your post and not feel that you were using FA and Feeder interchangeably. Particularly since, as mentioned above, this is a thread about forced feederism. 

Frankly, I don't even understand why FAs are entering the discussion. 

It's sort of like talking about guys who prefer blonds in a foot fetish thread and making no distinction between the foot fetishists and the guys who like blonds.


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## Weirdo890 (Dec 23, 2009)

Maybe I shouldn't have started this thread. :doh:


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## superodalisque (Dec 23, 2009)

CrankySpice said:


> I'm not sure what you think I'm missing.
> 
> This is a thread about forced feederism.
> 
> ...



let me simplify what i was getting at. i do tend to get a bit wordy. i feel its dishonest to pretend it doesn't happen at all because people are people. even if it doesn't happened a lot it has happened somewhere. just because there are a few people out there who exaggerate the negative aspects of feederism doesn't mean it can't or doesn't ever happen. and just because someone might not be forced physically but might be manipulated emotionally instead does not make it any less harmful if it happens.

i personally know of a lot of cases of emotional coercsion and manipulation as asked for by the op-- just not physical. i have personally experienced people attempting to try that with me but i avoided it. i know many women who've felt victimized at a weak point in their lives that way. i think thats why you get so much anger about it on the boards because people have experienced people trying to make them participate in something they aren't interested in often. for some i think it might even be an extra challenge if you somehow try and resist them but they can get fatter anyway.


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## Ben from England (Dec 23, 2009)

I typed out my response, went to post it and got logged out. Then I recheck the thread and superodalisque went and said most of it better anyways. 

Over the years I've seen plenty of instances where the gainer has discovered their new found passion around the same time they met somebody who also enjoys seeing them gain. I'm always a little suspect. It's something that I observed to the point that I decided to keep the feedery parts of my FAness to myself until I had a good read on what the persons stance was without them knowing for fear of being catered to.

Few things I would add, though this may be veering off topic, is to who is responsible for the dynamic of the relationship and to what extent tends to be subjective and where things can get tricky. Outside the community, feeders are evil and perverted, inside the community a disproportioned and, as superodalisque referred to, intellectually dishonest amount of responsiblity is levied to the gainer. It's isn't as black and white a discussion as 'feeders are pervs' or 'well, they said it was fine so whatever'. For that matter it's also a different discussion for every single relationship and one very difficult to properly have with the limited information often available. 

Proper tied down, against your will force feeding though? I'm with Ashley, pretty much an urban legend.


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## Ash (Dec 23, 2009)

AnnMarie said:


> Once again, equating being an FA as a fetish, and not equating being an FA with a preference.
> 
> One more time, with feeling:
> 
> ...



+1

I'd also add:

Not all feeders act on their fetish.
Those who do, in all currently documented cases (as of this post's press time), do so with a willing participant.


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## CrankySpice (Dec 23, 2009)

It's those guys who dig blondes who are driving all the brunettes to the foot fetishists.

You see it all the time. Well, you hear about it all the time. Well, it's almost kind of almost alluded to sometimes when I think someone is talking about something else but they are really almost talking about what I think I want them to be talking about so I can feel justified in my thinking. Most of the time.

It's the guys who dig blondes. I'm sure of it. They have all the files with the documented cases of forced feederism sitting around somewhere in a box. Just so the foot fetishists don't find it.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 23, 2009)

CrankySpice said:


> It's those guys who dig blondes who are driving all the brunettes to the foot fetishists.
> 
> You see it all the time. Well, you hear about it all the time. Well, it's almost kind of almost alluded to sometimes when I think someone is talking about something else but they are really almost talking about what I think I want them to be talking about so I can feel justified in my thinking. Most of the time.
> 
> It's the guys who dig blondes. I'm sure of it. They have all the files with the documented cases of forced feederism sitting around somewhere in a box. Just so the foot fetishists don't find it.



ROFLMAO!!! This made me laugh myself to a whooping cough!


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## KHayes666 (Dec 23, 2009)

Super....

I love ya but you're the only one I know who could go through the drive through and take a half hour to explain what you want. The gist of your marathon of a post was that you feel BBW's are unwanted if they don't succumb to a FA's fetishes......and like everyone else has said, not all F/A's are fetishists and not all Fetishists are F/A's.

This thread is about cases of unwanted forced feederism and no one seem to have heard any cases of this being done. You make some good points from a woman's perspective but a lot of it had nothing to do with Forced Feederism but rather women being mistreated.


ETA: I missed the post where you admitted to being wordy, desregard my opening statement.


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## superodalisque (Dec 23, 2009)

Ashley said:


> +1
> 
> I'd also add:
> 
> ...



i agree with that. and thats why i'm careful not to say all. but we would all pretending if we say that there aren't any instances of coersion etc... by feeders at all. even guys who aren't feeders sometimes coerce women they want for various reasons. maybe i have a different take on things since i'm not a feedee or a gainer? its not my interest so i might tend to get approached in ways not suited to me much moreso than people who are into it. so i get to see the pushes that are made toward people who aren't into it or around it more. in my experience when someone is really interested in me as a fetish object for some reason sometimes they do things out of some kind of desperation that they wouldn't have to do with someone who shared thier interest.

i don't understand the obssession with the idea that i was talking about all FAs or all feeders when i don't think thats in my post anywhere. or maybe its just more comforting to believe i'm some nut broad brushing all FAs or all feeders rather than responding to what i've said. hey, if you don't want an honest answer re: my opinion or experiences don't ask --cuz i will tell you 

maybe the op should have asked why we think feeders are good guys. then there would be the kinds of responses that people seem to want here. there would be nothig wrong with asking for that opinion either. i could add something to that thread because i have a lot of friends who are feedersand great guys and even they don't go around pretending that all feeders are great guys and never do anything wrong.


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## Ash (Dec 23, 2009)

Okay, on the subject of those who put pressure on women to gain through emotional means: that isn't a feeder, it's an ASSHOLE. Any person who tries to emotionally manipulate anyone or put unreasonable pressure on them to do something that they've already said that they do not want to do is a jerk. This is not a feeder-specific phenomenon, and the majority of feeders I've known and dated in my life would rather lose an arm than put pressure on a woman to do something she doesn't want to do. 

Feedism is a fetish. It does not define a person, and it does not determine a personality. A kind, caring person can be a feeder. An uncaring, manipulative one can be a feeder, too. Too often the "uncaring, manipulative" part is included in the definition of "feeder", and this is simply not the case.


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## superodalisque (Dec 23, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Super....
> 
> I love ya but you're the only one I know who could go through the drive through and take a half hour to explain what you want. The gist of your marathon of a post was that you feel BBW's are unwanted if they don't succumb to a FA's fetishes......and like everyone else has said, not all F/A's are fetishists and not all Fetishists are F/A's.
> 
> ...



i have some but i don't want to name names. it would embarrass the people involved. and as i said before people have tried to do it with me but i cut ties.


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## CrankySpice (Dec 23, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i've never seen or even heard of a case of forced feederism.





KHayes666 said:


> This thread is about cases of unwanted forced feederism and no one seem to have heard any cases of this being done.





superodalisque said:


> i have some but i don't want to name names. it would embarrass the people involved. and as i said before people have tried to do it with me but i cut ties.



??? 

It's been a busy hour, apparently.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 23, 2009)

Ashley said:


> Okay, on the subject of those who pressure women into gaining through emotional means: that isn't a feeder, it's an ASSHOLE. Any person who tries to emotionally manipulate anyone or put unreasonable pressure on them to do something that they've already said that they do not want to do is a jerk. This is not a feeder-specific phenomenon, and the majority of feeders I've known and dated in my life would rather lose an arm than force a woman to do something they don't want to do.
> 
> Feedism is a fetish. It does not define a person, and it does not determine a personality. A kind, caring person can be a feeder. An uncaring, manipulative one can be a feeder, too. Too often the "uncaring, manipulative" part is included in the definition of "feeder", and this is simply not the case.




All that stuff right there. 


Saying all feeders have this potential, in a way that makes it seem it's probable, is as dishonest and misguided as saying that no person was ever in a manipulative relationship with a feeder. 

And about that "deep shame and embarrassment that you don't often come across when women survive an act of violence not dealing with the feeder/feedee relationship" - I call total BS on this. 

Abuse of any kind, emotional and physical, causes shame and embarrassment. I was in a highly abusive relationship in my early 20s, I was, and am, ashamed and embarrassed that it happened, that I let it happen. 

It's one of the darkest periods of my life and I wouldn't relive it for anything. I allowed things to be said to me, to be done to me, that I wouldn't even repeat to another person alive. The idea that there's some secret window of or level of shame reserved for feeding victims is just insulting to everyone. 


No one's got a corner on shame and embarrassment, and I wouldn't wish any of it on my worst enemy.


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## superodalisque (Dec 23, 2009)

Ashley said:


> Okay, on the subject of those who pressure women into gaining through emotional means: that isn't a feeder, it's an ASSHOLE. Any person who tries to emotionally manipulate anyone or put unreasonable pressure on them to do something that they've already said that they do not want to do is a jerk. This is not a feeder-specific phenomenon, and the majority of feeders I've known and dated in my life would rather lose an arm than force a woman to do something they don't want to do.
> 
> Feedism is a fetish. It does not define a person, and it does not determine a personality. A kind, caring person can be a feeder. An uncaring, manipulative one can be a feeder, too. Too often the "uncaring, manipulative" part is included in the definition of "feeder", and this is simply not the case.



i agree asshole is a great description and i definitely don't think it applies to all feeders. feeders are just folks like anybody else. some are good some are bad. most of the ones i've met are pretty nice and actually come in very handy when i'm hungry. 

i think its important what you said about feedism being a fetish and that it does not define the person. thats an excellent point. it doesn't make all of them good. it doesn't make all of them bad. just makes them people with a fetish. it doesn't have to be such a big deal. maybe people should make it as though feeders are so "different" from anyone else. i think thats the real problem for feeders and other people who don't understand. people who don't have exposure act as though feeders are weirdos but a bigger problem is a lot of feeders tend to feel strange and uncomfortable in thier own skin. this question makes about feeders makes as much sense to me as a black man asking if black people are criminals. you might be black but you probably aren't a criminal. sure there are some criminals who are black but thats by no means every black person you see. but it would not be the truth to pretend there weren't any black criminals. to say that makes it sound like people are protesting too much and overcompensating where they don't need to. i think feeders need to be ok with being feeders. and stop focusing on the worst thoughts people might have about them and concentrate more on the good stuff they do. they need to (if they do) stop feeling guilty, stop feeling ashamed, and stop relating to the worst of the worst.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 23, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i think feeders need to be ok with being feeders. and stop focusing on the worst thoughts people might have about them and concentrate more on the good stuff they do. they need to (if they do) stop feeling guilty, stop feeling ashamed, and stop relating to the worst of the worst.




These are excellent points, and it would be a big step towards helping more of them feel that way if more people would stop accusing them of things, stop shaming them, and stop equating them to the worst of the worst. 

Maybe this thread will help eventually - who knows.


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## superodalisque (Dec 23, 2009)

AnnMarie said:


> All that stuff right there.
> 
> 
> Saying all feeders have this potential, in a way that makes it seem it's probable, is as dishonest and misguided as saying that no person was ever in a manipulative relationship with a feeder.
> ...



i can understand why you would say that. i agree to a point. but i've worked with abused women before. at some point the shame etc.. evolves into anger. when they get away from it they really start to understand what happened and how unjust it was. sure they don't always go into particulars but often they do. its part of healing. society does not condone what the abuser did. so they have some sympathy empathy and support. sure there is shame there. but i don't think BBWs with feeder issues get the same of type support for issues like that. i think support has a lot to do with how much people can express and work through those feelings of shame and guilt . 

most people have no idea about the feeder culture. most BBWs won't explain it to anyone outside of it. people get a hard time just for discussing it here. even if they did explain a lot of people would be totally horrified even if it was just an innocent fetish. and already people might not support you just because you are fat in the first place. then there is tension inside of the community about it. people always judging people who are feedees and making all kinds of characterizations they have no idea about. so yeah i think there is a lot more shame and guilt a BBW feedee has to deal with and definitely a LOT more secrets. even when we have friends who've died here people are so afraid to even say what they died of because of the judgments and rumor mongering. not everyone is as open and self aware as you are. you're comfortable with yourself. but a lot of people aren't. most women in this country have seen some kind of abuse but think about it--how many have been exposed to abuse by a feeder? how many people could relate to that? its much easier to say he beat me or was emotionally abusive to me than to say he made me eat. i bet the women i know who have had those things happen to them will not post here. but if you look into the BBW forum you'll see plenty of discussion about the abuse of women in general.


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## superodalisque (Dec 23, 2009)

AnnMarie said:


> These are excellent points, and it would be a big step towards helping more of them feel that way if more people would stop accusing them of things, stop shaming them, and stop equating them to the worst of the worst.
> 
> Maybe this thread will help eventually - who knows.



i hope really do hope so


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## VVET (Dec 23, 2009)

i think that feeders are also potential feedees as well


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## Ash (Dec 23, 2009)

VVET said:


> i think that feeders are also potential feedees as well



Some are, but some feeders have no interest in gaining themselves. Mutual gainers do exist, but not all feeders are into it.


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## VVET (Dec 24, 2009)

Ashley said:


> Some are, but some feeders have no interest in gaining themselves. Mutual gainers do exist, but not all feeders are into it.



I was more of an enabler than a feeder, but thought it was very erotic, for women to gain
now I'm surprised to find I think the same for myself


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## KHayes666 (Dec 24, 2009)

Ashley said:


> Some are, but some feeders have no interest in gaining themselves. Mutual gainers do exist, but not all feeders are into it.



Count me as one who's a feeder but never will be a feedee. However I do know a few folks who are both feeder and feedee so its a pretty common preference.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 24, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i have some but i don't want to name names. it would embarrass the people involved. and as i said before people have tried to do it with me but i cut ties.



Alright I'm going to call you out on this. Supero, you systematically speak with the lowest life forms out there. The average person operates with extreme paranoia when it comes to bearing their souls to inquisitors and seekers like you. I highly doubt most feeders or feedees would spend much time telling you all their secrets. The types of people most likely to do this with you are the very ones you consistently describe here in this forum. Ones who will click on your profile, view your photo(s) and sit up all night chatting with you with one hand in their pants talking about how hot you would be if you would gain some more weight. The only statistical significance you've supplied is that you are most likely to speak with the kinds of people most folks wouldn't bother with. I can't tell you how many times I've had some weirdo PM me or email me prodding for me to send them pictures or meet them on some corner while they visit my city from out of town. And when I wont succumb to their charming offers they ultimately name drop you by your FIRST name, assuming you are a good reference. I've sat there with eyes wide as saucers thinking, "OMG! WHY did she talk to/meet with this clown!?!"

I'm going to be seen as a bitch here but I can't sit back and listen to this any more. I know you are trying to be nice to these 'gents' but when you start alluding to them secretively in serious discussions I have to call bullshit. And you put them in these discussions knowing full well that they will never themselves post here because they are least likely to even read or waste valuable fap time conversing with us. And the idea that a weak and insecure fat woman is going to block her ears to the deafening song of Hollywood beauty and quit her weight watchers meeting to hook up with one of these slobs is so laughable it's insulting to women everywhere. Seriously, stop talking to those people. NOBODY else does and there's a reason for it.


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 24, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> edit.



Lilly, you know better than this. This is just blatantly, forthrightly cruel. I'm shocked that it's been allowed to stay plastered here for all to stumble across and read, frankly. Who are you to attack SuperO's personal life, and in such a public, eviscerating manner? Frankly, had I posted this, I probably would have been banned for life.

Nothing that she's said is unreasonable. Yet I see that it's being stretched, skewed, and pulled entirely out of context. It's as if we're so afraid about having discussions about any negative aspect of this particular fetish that any comment -- ANY comment that can be construed as even slightly negative, no matter how reasonable -- has to be pulled apart and blown up into the very caricature of unreasonable hyperbole ... no matter what was actually said. 

I know that you'll attempt to make a case for throwing SuperO's personal life onto the tracks for all to inspect because she's 'invited' it by making some rather mild observations about the nature of exploitation and how that doesn't always come across as forced in way that we view force traditionally. But I haven't seen her make any observations about anyone specifically, and I doubt that she was doing so even in a masked or underhanded way. She was simply stating her truth, as she sees it. I happen to agree with her. Not all coercion is overt. People who would allow themselves to be guided and manipulated into a relationship that proves to be abusive aren't always shrinking, pitiable wallflowers. To an extent, we can all be exploited by someone that we love. SuperO has been very careful to say that she's not generalizing about ALL feeders, nor is she equating ALL FA's with feeders, nor is she claiming that the fetish is in itself harmful. Frankly, when I see people pulling apart and skewing something that is in itself a reasonable stance, I start to wonder: What do [the general] you REALLY feel threatened by?


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 24, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Lilly, you know better than this. This is just blatantly, forthrightly cruel. I'm shocked that it's been allowed to stay plastered here for all to stumble across and read, frankly. Who are you to attack SuperO's personal life, and in such a public, eviscerating manner? Frankly, had I posted this, I probably would have been banned for life.
> 
> Nothing that she's said is unreasonable. Yet I see that it's being stretched, skewed, and pulled entirely out of context. It's as if we're so afraid about having discussions about any negative aspect of this particular fetish that any comment -- ANY comment that can be construed as even slightly negative, no matter how reasonable -- has to be pulled apart and blown up into the very caricature of unreasonable hyperbole ... no matter what was actually said.
> 
> I know that you'll attempt to make a case for throwing SuperO's personal life onto the tracks for all to inspect because she's 'invited' it by making some rather mild observations about the nature of exploitation and how that doesn't always come across as forced in way that we view force traditionally. But I haven't seen her make any observations about anyone specifically, and I doubt that she was doing so even in a masked or underhanded way. She was simply stating her truth, as she sees it. I happen to agree with her. Not all coercion is overt. People who would allow themselves to be guided and manipulated into a relationship that proves to be abusive aren't always shrinking, pitiable wallflowers. To an extent, we can all be exploited by someone that we love. SuperO has been very careful to say that she's not generalizing about ALL feeders, nor is she equating ALL FA's with feeders, nor is she claiming that the fetish is in itself harmful. Frankly, when I see people pulling apart and skewing something that is in itself a reasonable stance, I start to wonder: What do [the general] you REALLY feel threatened by?



Tracijo, Supero and I have actually had a similar conversation like this before. In that conversation we agreed to disagree, yet I reserved the right to call her out on this very issue and she agreed to it. It's much too long a story for me to describe in detail at this moment and no, this is not an attempt to be cruel to Supero. This is an attempt to show how two philosophies she has been very vocal about on this board actually duel with each other. If one is going to advocate for lending support and fellowship to these undesirables one should not be surprised that their experiences are going to contain many unplesantries than it does for the average person. This presents a bias when one uses these experiences in a discussion just as an officer of the law would have biases based on dealing with violent offenders all the time. There is nothing at all wrong with her choices but she needs to know that her views are jaded by them.


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## superodalisque (Dec 26, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> Alright I'm going to call you out on this. Supero, you systematically speak with the lowest life forms out there. The average person operates with extreme paranoia when it comes to bearing their souls to inquisitors and seekers like you. I highly doubt most feeders or feedees would spend much time telling you all their secrets. The types of people most likely to do this with you are the very ones you consistently describe here in this forum. Ones who will click on your profile, view your photo(s) and sit up all night chatting with you with one hand in their pants talking about how hot you would be if you would gain some more weight. The only statistical significance you've supplied is that you are most likely to speak with the kinds of people most folks wouldn't bother with. I can't tell you how many times I've had some weirdo PM me or email me prodding for me to send them pictures or meet them on some corner while they visit my city from out of town. And when I wont succumb to their charming offers they ultimately name drop you by your FIRST name, assuming you are a good reference. I've sat there with eyes wide as saucers thinking, "OMG! WHY did she talk to/meet with this clown!?!"
> 
> I'm going to be seen as a bitch here but I can't sit back and listen to this any more. I know you are trying to be nice to these 'gents' but when you start alluding to them secretively in serious discussions I have to call bullshit. And you put them in these discussions knowing full well that they will never themselves post here because they are least likely to even read or waste valuable fap time conversing with us. And the idea that a weak and insecure fat woman is going to block her ears to the deafening song of Hollywood beauty and quit her weight watchers meeting to hook up with one of these slobs is so laughable it's insulting to women everywhere. Seriously, stop talking to those people. NOBODY else does and there's a reason for it.



Wow! all i can say is that was rather personal and uncalled for whew! especially since we both seem to agree that those kinds of people exist even if thier numbers are pretty small. as for the rest it would have been really nice to be given the benefit of the doubt but i guess people believe what they'd like to believe and thats fine as well. i am who i am and i know who that is. the rest doesn't really matter.

in regards to references: often when someone is interested in you he might exaggerate contacts with people he feels you might have in common to make points. it would have been nice if you had actually checked with me just once before jumping to the most negative conclusions you could come to just to see if it were true. i've had to do that myself many times and i've often found that it was someone who had chatted with someone briefly--maybe just long enough for them to know that wasn't the type of person they wanted to deal with. i know i'm not a psychic and i don't trust rumours. i like to see for myself. and yes, lots of people know my first name. it isn't a secret. i'm lucky enough to be able to construct my life in ways where i can live it freely and in the open. i don't give out my address and phone number with anyone but i'm perfectly comfortable with people at least knowing my first name. my screen name isn't an alter- ego that i use because i have sensitive employment. i don't need to lead a double life.

i talk to lots of people. i don't feel the need to be rude or paranoid to protect my safety or just because i don't personally care for someone's viewpoint. i feel in control of my life so i don't take most people as a threat. it probably has a lot to do with being a southerner as well. we are a little more open to talking to people. our lives are frought with much less danger than some. i'm glad i have the opportunity to live in an environment of trust. we also tend to like oddballs. it keeps life interesting. especially since we know deep down we are all just oddballs too. most oddballs are pretty harmless. its usually the other people who are trying so hard to look normal that you really have to worry about. on top of that being in the arts where being open to other ways of being is important to your creative life. it tends to overlap eveywhere and i'm glad it does. i never thought it was a character flaw to learn from folks--and not just people on the fringe. i like being open minded even though i don't always succeed as well as i'd like. most of the people i actually "hang out" with are actually pretty conservative--even in the community. but i like talking to all kinds of people because they teach me things about myself and they are a part of the world i live in. and i actually find even if i don't believe in everything that they do i might understand where they are. i can relate to them. i like them. thier life is a little different from mine. i hope i give them the room to keep being that way. i like people who are not just like me. i don't divide the world up into winners or losers because i am well aware there is always someone out there who could consider me a "loser" or a "low form of life" too. i remember being thought of that way by a lot of people as a young black person in the south. i think thats why i tend to talk to people instead of relying on the stereotypes of society or the rumours of frightened people. usually i don't have much interest in people who are frightened, touchy and too closed to talk about who they are. but, no matter what we are just people anyway and thats all we are on the whole. 

i really was dissapointed to think you'd rather believe what seems to be some rather purient things about me that you do without really ever discussing it with me personally. the reliance on innuendo and rumour is really sad especially since you are well aware of stuff like that having been a web model. but if thats what you'd prefer there isn't much i can do about it. but like T.J. said all of this just makes feeders look like they have something to hide--which most don't. i mean if you have to get on the ground like this to defend someone it really makes it look like there is a need to. i wonder if it doesn't do most feeders who aren't forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do a diservice. it makes it lok as though people are trying really hard to hide something. but i know its probably all of the sensitivity people have to some unfair criticism of what they do. but, thats not what it looks like on the surface. it just looks overly defensive.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 28, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> Wow!



I never believed anything told to me by these gents who contacted me. It was my belief at the time that whatever association they had with you was probably being exaggerated for reasons I can only venture to guess. What was most strinking to me and the point I was intending to make was the fact that they DID this. You have always struck me as a super nice and open person, moreso than I think is wise and that's just my opinion. You've never been secretive about this and have often spoken publicly here about your intention to be open with everyone. This is what I was referring to and I apologize if my post was carelessly worded and implied anything further. I am still however shocked at times by what appears to me to be a lack of a filter when it comes to meeting strangers and that is the only case I was trying to make. It appears to me that a lot of the negative experiences you allude to are mostly self inflicted and not indicative of anything. 

Obviously it is your choice to approach life as you see fit. Maybe it is a sounthern thing and something I will never understand or embrace, though my family has roots on the south and I know of no one like this. For me my encounters with the emails I referenced, it was a direct example of why such openess can be dangerous. It bugs me, the knowledge that someone could be using my or your name to lure people. The first time it happened *I* didn't even know what your name was and was like, "Who?" And then he *told* me who you were, as if you even wanted me to know that. It seemed pretty clear after a while that he was exaggerating but even if everything he was saying was gospel truth, he was _doing_ it. This was what was so shocking to me, this loathsome character flaw in this individual and that he would so quickly use you in that way and attribute things to you that were clearly out of character. The incident was quickly forgotten about but when a mildly similar occurance happened again with someone else, maybe it's just me but I found this troublesome. If you care so much about weak insecure people who could possibly be mislead yet it doesn't bother you at all that you could be supplying people with the tools to do it - I don't know, I just think those two philosophies don't work well together. 

I think I can count at least 10 to 1 the amount of people who've told me I would be so much more attractive if I would only lose weight as opposed to those who think I would look better if I gained. This world is full of cretins of all genders who would freely volunteer to any of us what a pretty face we have. It would be a leap however even for the most gung ho among them to assume that anyone would force us in to weight loss. We know of men who pressure their wives and girlfriends both directly and indirectly to remain under a certain weight or look a certain way, but FORCE? As it's being described for this thread? That's quite a leap for even the worst of them even in this weight loss obsessed society. Yet you come here and call us "naive" if we simply don't believe because of your experiences -- experiences that many of us feel are artificially weighted towards the negative due to your openess. We're supposed to just believe despite the lack of any tangible evidence at all and if we don't then we're somehow deficient or hiding something. I think it is clear by the creation of this thread that no one here has anything to hide or the question wouldn't be asked. It is asked because we earnestly want to know and have created a space for people to come fourth with any first hand knowledge. In this thread you've attempted to draw a line between your experiences and the probability that forced feederism must exist but there is simply no evidence to support this. At least not so far, nor is there any paralell for it in any other control group. "The Biggest Loser" in my opinion seems the height of aggravated assault though no one on that show is there involuntarily. No one in the weight loss world was ever forced into something that they didn't already want for themselves, it was just that the pressure was over the top and inappropriate. As feedees we already understand that but the idea that one could be made a feedee against their will? Let's not just just guess. There has already been plenty of guessing and conjecture rooted in fear going on for years. We're trying to transcend that here with this thread and please don't call us naive because we wish to reserve judgement until someone comes fourth with a credible testimony.


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## superodalisque (Dec 28, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> I never believed anything told to me by these gents who contacted me. It was my belief at the time that whatever association they had with you was probably being exaggerated for reasons I can only venture to guess. What was most strinking to me and the point I was intending to make was the fact that they DID this. You have always struck me as a super nice and open person, moreso than I think is wise and that's just my opinion. You've never been secretive about this and have often spoken publicly here about your intention to be open with everyone. This is what I was referring to and I apologize if my post was carelessly worded and implied anything further. I am still however shocked at times by what appears to me to be a lack of a filter when it comes to meeting strangers and that is the only case I was trying to make. It appears to me that a lot of the negative experiences you allude to are mostly self inflicted and not indicative of anything.
> 
> Obviously it is your choice to approach life as you see fit. Maybe it is a sounthern thing and something I will never understand or embrace, though my family has roots on the south and I know of no one like this. For me my encounters with the emails I referenced, it was a direct example of why such openess can be dangerous. It bugs me, the knowledge that someone could be using my or your name to lure people. The first time it happened *I* didn't even know what your name was and was like, "Who?" And then he *told* me who you were, as if you even wanted me to know that. It seemed pretty clear after a while that he was exaggerating but even if everything he was saying was gospel truth, he was _doing_ it. This was what was so shocking to me, this loathsome character flaw in this individual and that he would so quickly use you in that way and attribute things to you that were clearly out of character. The incident was quickly forgotten about but when a mildly similar occurance happened again with someone else, maybe it's just me but I found this troublesome. If you care so much about weak insecure people who could possibly be mislead yet it doesn't bother you at all that you could be supplying people with the tools to do it - I don't know, I just think those two philosophies don't work well together.
> 
> I think I can count at least 10 to 1 the amount of people who've told me I would be so much more attractive if I would only lose weight as opposed to those who think I would look better if I gained. This world is full of cretins of all genders who would freely volunteer to any of us what a pretty face we have. It would be a leap however even for the most gung ho among them to assume that anyone would force us in to weight loss. We know of men who pressure their wives and girlfriends both directly and indirectly to remain under a certain weight or look a certain way, but FORCE? As it's being described for this thread? That's quite a leap for even the worst of them even in this weight loss obsessed society. Yet you come here and call us "naive" if we simply don't believe because of your experiences -- experiences that many of us feel are artificially weighted towards the negative due to your openess. We're supposed to just believe despite the lack of any tangible evidence at all and if we don't then we're somehow deficient or hiding something. I think it is clear by the creation of this thread that no one here has anything to hide or the question wouldn't be asked. It is asked because we earnestly want to know and have created a space for people to come fourth with any first hand knowledge. In this thread you've attempted to draw a line between your experiences and the probability that forced feederism must exist but there is simply no evidence to support this. At least not so far, nor is there any paralell for it in any other control group. "The Biggest Loser" in my opinion seems the height of aggravated assault though no one on that show is there involuntarily. No one in the weight loss world was ever forced into something that they didn't already want for themselves, it was just that the pressure was over the top and inappropriate. As feedees we already understand that but the idea that one could be made a feedee against their will? Let's not just just guess. There has already been plenty of guessing and conjecture rooted in fear going on for years. We're trying to transcend that here with this thread and please don't call us naive because we wish to reserve judgement until someone comes fourth with a credible testimony.



the only thing that bothered me most was the nasty leap you made in logic about what i was doing when i spoke with someone online or how many people i had met in person and under what circumstances. i guess its more exciting than the truth about how i like talking about gardening and art and vacations or how i met a friend in spain who is also a documentarian at the prado to discuss el bosco. they don't require hands down the pants. some people really have more interests than just fat. if i heard exxagerations about someone i didn't believe and didn't know any of the particulars about i certainly wouldn't pass them on in public as if they were true. you wrote as though i had met all of these guys "on street corners" and somethng lurid was taking place. i accept your apology but that was just wrong no matter how you try and clean it up. i would never do that to you and you know it.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 28, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> the only thing that bothered me most was the nasty leap you made in logic about what i was doing when i spoke with someone online or how many people i had met in person and under what circumstances. i guess its more exciting than the truth about how i like talking about gardening and art and vacations or how i met a friend in spain who is also a documentarian at the prado to discuss el bosco. they don't require hands down the pants. some people really have more interests than just fat. if i heard exxagerations about someone i didn't believe i certainly wouldn't pass them on in public as if they were true. you wrote as though i had met all of these guys and somethng lurid was taking place. i accept your apology but that was just wrong no matter how you try and clean it up. i would never do that to you and you know it.



Supero, I honestly do apologize. I NEVER thought that and I apologize if it seemed that way or if anyone reading this got that impression at all. Making it seem as if you are doing something with these men was never at all a part of what I was trying to say and I truly am sorry for making it appear that way. A few times you made reference to people who were only intersted in you for your fat and you've never spoken about anything else. I'm sure you have more interesting things to discuss however the negative encounters were what you mentioned and those were what I was addressing. As for what these men were harassing me for, that part is true. Maybe it's because I'm a paysite model and they just assumed I would be into it, I don't know. I never meant to imply anything about you other than that you were trying to be a nice person by talking with these people. I should have been more clear and that is completely my fault.


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## superodalisque (Dec 28, 2009)

we're cool. and i'll always respect your opinion.


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## Brainiac (Apr 8, 2015)

I have always wanted to be force fed by a dominating female feeder. I would be like submissive on that, she could tie me up on the bed and force feed me by hand or funnel. She could give me like appetite stimulants or something to calm me down.

Sadly I haven't found any type of female feeder 

I would love to see my belly get really huge and see my weight climbing.

I'm submissive male feedee.


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## Etiola79 (Mar 6, 2021)

AnnMarie said:


> Once again, equating being an FA as a fetish, and not equating being an FA with a preference.
> 
> One more time, with feeling:
> 
> ...



Not all feeders are FAs?  

It doesn't make much sense to me (I might be missing something).


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 7, 2021)

Etiola79 said:


> Not all feeders are FAs?
> 
> It doesn't make much sense to me (I might be missing something).


It depends. Yes most feeders are FAs. But there's no rule on numbers, or a specific goals in mind. There are whole communities of feeders that have no interest in people that are actually large. They're focused on "beginner bellies", making thin people slightly chubby (or even just closer to average), and stuffing sessions only. If you define an FA as someone that prefers larger partners and not just fat in and of itself at any level: Then the group I mentioned would not qualify.


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## Tad (Mar 7, 2021)

Etiola79 said:


> Not all feeders are FAs?
> 
> It doesn't make much sense to me (I might be missing something).



I've also seen around the web a few feeders who seem to take pleasure in 'ruining' their partner. Gloating about how they used to be hot and are not disgusting blobs of fat, how helpless and disgusting they have become. I'm pretty sure that isn't fat admiration


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## Etiola79 (Mar 7, 2021)

In the first case, I understand that a feeder who enjoys making someone else *fatter* (but not to the point where that person would be considered *fat*) wouldn't qualify as a FA.

In the second case, Tad, that's exactly what I feared when I stumbled upon this thread. 

I know some feedees are sexually turned on by public humiliation / fat shaming, but in the situation you describe it sounds like the act of feeding is done out of spite. 

I doubt the feederism community wants to be associated with such vile individuals, so I vote we call them "jerks" rather than feeders.


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## mathfa (Mar 8, 2021)

Tad said:


> I've also seen around the web a few feeders who seem to take pleasure in 'ruining' their partner. Gloating about how they used to be hot and are not disgusting blobs of fat, how helpless and disgusting they have become. I'm pretty sure that isn't fat admiration



I've seen this too, it's really horrifying. Some people even find the health issues hot.

Respect your partner(s) everyone, admire them, don't degrade them (unless they specifically want that).


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## ChattyBecca (Mar 31, 2021)

Respect is KEY!


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