# Question for the FFA's...



## MaryElizabethAntoinette (May 8, 2008)

So, I'm one of those FFA's who is extremely open about what I like. Everyone knows that I think fat men are beautiful; from my very close friends, to my parents, to my friend's friends and so on. 

Most of the time when someone finds out that I think fat is sexy, they basically tell me that I'm awful because "fat is unhealthy" and that by giving big men positive attention for their weight, I am contributing to their unhealthiness. 

My question is if any other FFA's who are open about it in real life get similar responses from others. 

Another example, usually when someone finds out that I love my men fat, the first thing they say to me is, "But don't you know? Fat is unhealthy." And they go on listing every disease they can think of (most of which many thin people suffer from as well), asking me repeatedly and sarcastically after every disease/disorder that they list, "is that sexy?" 
Of course with these people, I immediately regret that someone mentioned my preference in front of them, and I don't bother arguing with them because they're the type of person who wont be convinced no matter what I say. I mean, I've had people get passionately mad at me for finding obesity attractive... practically accusing me of being sick in the head (But these people are rare, luckily). 

So, to repeat the question, I'm just wondering if you fellow FFA's have gotten any similar responses from people?

Of course, as a disclaimer. Most of my _close_ friends understand my preference and the only time they make fun of me for it, is in jest. The people who are really awful about it are usually people I meet through others during my adventures in the day.


----------



## Love.Metal (May 9, 2008)

Well, as ya know from our conversations, I get that reaction all the time. 
Sometimes it was easier being an "in the closet" FFA.
My best friends know and respect that I love obese men, but that doesn't mean they understand it. I mean, I'm not asking for them to understand it, I just wish for a little respect. And they totally give me that, and they will ask questions occasionally; and I am always all too happy to oblige. 

But there are always the people who get SO ANGRY at me for liking fat...and I just don't get how they can be so cruel and rude and judgemental. A lot of people think I'm joking, and they'll say stuff like "yeah, right!! No one with a brain thinks fat is sexy!" [this happened last week]. To that I usually don't respond, I don't need to dignify their comments with an explaination. If they don't understand and don't want to make any effort to, then that is fine with me. I just don't want them to continue to put me down about it. 

There's people who get off on molesting little kids, or having relations with their dogs, for crying out loud. And people want to give me shit about liking FAT??? 
YES-I know it's not the most healthy thing.
YES-I am aware that it causes disease, but what doesn't these days?
YES-I know that culturally we shun it, and that most people find it unattractive.
I know all these things, I'm not mentally slow or anything. I'm tired of people trying to change my mind about something I love. It's just those ignorant fuck-tards that make me want to keep quiet about my preference.

Sorry...I totally went and rambled xP
Good question though, Mary!!

<3


----------



## LillyBBBW (May 9, 2008)

I don't envy you ladies at all. I'm already fat and kinda scary looking so people tip toe around the subject mostly. I do know that guys I've dated who weren't fat at all got the same crap that you ladies have to deal with. The world is full of ignorant toads who will say all kinds of vapid mindless stuff. The trite easy answer would be to just ignore them and let it roll off but the practical application isn't always that simple. It does make it a little easier to do when you can talk about it with others who get it and have experienced it also.


----------



## mergirl (May 9, 2008)

Totally!! Though i'm happy 2 say that my closest friends are a pretty liberal bunch and accept my F.aishness as just another wee part of me.
Sadly the only people who have had a problem with me being an FA have been my partner and also my parents.
I think though its getting a bit better with my partner..though when shes had a few glasses of wine will talk about my "fat fetish" ..which used to exasperate me.. but now i just say "yup.. then you must have a medium sized person fetish" and other things of that ilk. its different i suppose because from a lot of the things she says its not that she is giving me grief for liking big women.. but is struggling with a lot of her own insecurities..
My parents on the other hand .hhmmm its maby a bit early to get into it all.. but to cut a long story short..:
mer at 15-mum i like women
mum-thats disgusting
mer at 15-boo hoo (leaving home and becoming a lonesome busker)

mum-"some random disparaging comment about big women"
mer now- never say anything like that again i LOVE big women
mum-your disgusting
mer now- no you are the disgusting one...i'm off home and if you ever want to see me again you will keep nasty things under wraps!

which worked..that last convo was a few years ago (by mer now..i ment as an adult) and we have worked through those issues..i think too many glasses of wine had been consumed and some reactionary feelings came out...
but anyway... my point is..
Not everything you do or are is going to be met with positive reactions but what you are and who you do (lol) is important enough to hopfully be able to not worry about the stupid or negative arseholes. Its your life and no-one else's so you just have to live it to the best of your capabilities, honestly and with pride. 
It does bug me when people say stuff about "health" when you are talking about your sexual preferences though.. what gives anyone that right.. but erm..i think i remember replying to a post that was kinna along that same wavelength so i shall let that rest..

xmer


----------



## Melian (May 9, 2008)

When people find out my preference, I get one of 3 responses:

1. indifference
2. agreement
3. mild disgust

The first response is the most prevalent ("should have known...you're weird, in general"). The second response usually leaves the responder looking vulnerable and embarassed...LOL! The third response is usually quick, but they don't proceed to nag me because they know I will be forced to school them mercilessly. Hehe...don't enter into health debates with a former anatomist/neuroscientist and current PhD of molecular biology - you will not win


----------



## mergirl (May 9, 2008)

Melian said:


> When people find out my preference, I get one of 3 responses:
> 
> 1. indifference
> 2. agreement
> ...


lmao..i have a friend that EVERY time he gets a bit drunk goes on about how he loves big men..and then he forgets that he's told me till the next time he is drunk.. i feel like an FA agony aunt in groundhog day! lmao
xxmer


----------



## LillyBBBW (May 9, 2008)

Melian said:


> When people find out my preference, I get one of 3 responses:
> 
> 1. indifference
> 2. agreement
> ...



Shit. I've given out too much Rep.


----------



## Tad (May 9, 2008)

mergirl said:


> Totally!! Though i'm happy 2 say that my closest friends are a pretty liberal bunch and accept my F.aishness as just another wee part of me.
> Sadly the only people who have had a problem with me being an FA have been my partner and also my parents.
> I think though its getting a bit better with my partner..though when shes had a few glasses of wine will talk about my "fat fetish" ..which used to exasperate me.. but now i just say "yup.. then you must have a medium sized person fetish" and other things of that ilk. its different i suppose because from a lot of the things she says its not that she is giving me grief for liking big women.. but is struggling with a lot of her own insecurities..
> My parents on the other hand .hhmmm its maby a bit early to get into it all.. but to cut a long story short..:
> ...



Hey Mer, and I guess for any other openly gay/bi female FA too, do you find people have a harder time with you being gay, or you being attracted to fat people? Or does it vary by beholder?


----------



## cammy (May 9, 2008)

Before I was married, when I came "out" to girlfriends, at the most they'd nod their heads, thus indicating absolutely nothing at all - but now I'm married to a BHM, so really, what could they say and still be considered a friend? Besides, my husband is such a great guy, they all just love him.:smitten: 

I think the younger you are, the more objections you may get.


----------



## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 9, 2008)

eh, I haven't gotten a ton of opposition for my preference. Those that know though are at times ignorant and just point out any big guy in the vicinity and ask if I think he's hot. When I started responding, "Hmmm, I'm not sure, why do you?" they pretty much stopped.

Family wise, I've had negative comments about the guys I was with when the guys were not around, but that's been handled.


----------



## mergirl (May 9, 2008)

edx said:


> Hey Mer, and I guess for any other openly gay/bi female FA too, do you find people have a harder time with you being gay, or you being attracted to fat people? Or does it vary by beholder?


you know what edx..it really can vary. I think on the whole people get lass hassle for being gay/bi than being an Fa because these days its seen as less acceptable to harrass someone for being gay/bi but theres not so much of a social strigma attached to attacking someone for liking big men/women. i Dont know if its because socially the gay/bi lifestyle has been represented more in the media, in films and on tv whereas its very rare for Fa's to be represented that way. 
In my experience any homophobia i have encountered has been at the really nasty side of the spectrum whereas the Fa side of my sexuality has generally been met with a more jokey feel, or one of surprise.. but never usually anything agressive.
i suppose its two different issues, but for me wrapped up in one because i feel both my gender and size sexuality are equally strong and important.. though i think sometimes people have real confusion if i think a fat guy is hot and not a thin woman ..which sort of contadicts the schima of me.. i suppose people feel the need to place people in boxes sometimes though..
There is a bit of an Fa subculture in the gay community though ie. with bear lovers etc and i have found that gay men seem to be a lot more open when it comes to what they want sexually and what turns them on than the majority of hetroxexual peeps and gay women. Though i have noticed that a lot of anti fat "jibes" can be pretty prevailant among gay men.. sort of to the same degree that women might be a bit harsh when talking about other women..it seems that in the hetrosexual community its regarded as more acceptable somehow for men to be fat and in the gay community it seems more accepted for lesbians to be fat...this is just an observation though and i'm sure there is some reason for it! lol
anyway..i am drifting away from my point..
there will be bigots hiding away (or smackin you in the face) in all walks of life.. gay bashers in the fa communtiy and fat o phobes in the gay community..
personally though i'm happy to say, as ive got older and have chosen my friends more wisely i rarely experience a hard time for being either..
but the homophobia has definatly had a bit more poison to it when it has happened..whereas the hassle for being an Fa has been more joking... maby because people dont belive its a thing! we need more shows like "will and fat grace", Fa frasier" and "fat friends" (oh..that already is a show!).

xxmer


----------



## mergirl (May 9, 2008)

BLUEeyedBanshee said:


> eh, I haven't gotten a ton of opposition for my preference. Those that know though are at times ignorant and just point out any big guy in the vicinity and ask if I think he's hot. When I started responding, "Hmmm, I'm not sure, why do you?" they pretty much stopped.
> 
> Family wise, I've had negative comments about the guys I was with when the guys were not around, but that's been handled.


oh lmao! whenever i am single my friend when trying to set me up will be all..."oh.. you need to meet so and so you will LOVE them" and i'm like "there fat right?" ...haha i do like personalities too you know!! lol

xmer


----------



## Melian (May 9, 2008)

mergirl said:


> lmao..i have a friend that EVERY time he gets a bit drunk goes on about how he loves big men..and then he forgets that he's told me till the next time he is drunk.. i feel like an FA agony aunt in groundhog day! lmao
> xxmer



You should just call him on it sometime when he's sober. See what he does.



LillyBBBW said:


> Shit. I've given out too much Rep.



Tee hee...I <3 you. And I hit a rep wall yesterday, too.

But yeah, I've unleashed a verbal onslaught on the very few individuals who tried to *explain* to me how fat people are all terribly unhealthy, destined to die early deaths, etc, and it's all their fault. My main argument is this:

I've been a researcher for several years, in which time I've read thousands of papers in all fields of life sciences (neurosci, endocrinology, molecular bio, biochem, chem, immunology, etc). Obesity has been a hot topic for at least a decade, and pretty much every study tries to throw in some obesity angle to target future funding. 

Two overarching findings are responsible for my disbelief that obesity is a significant cause of many health problems* Firstly, obesity is often a confounder in most studies, much like smoking, gender, race, age, and many other characteristics. A large number of these are innocuous, yet still manage to skew many a normal curve. The old science mantra "correlation is not causation" can be applied. Yes, some obese individuals got that way because they are incredibly unhealthy (this can also be the case for people of any weight); this is likely the TRUE cause of their associated health issues - I would not be dating such a person.

Secondly, almost any physical trait or behaviour can be linked to some disease, somewhere, as either causative, predisposing or phenotypic factors. Here is a short list:

aging - cancer, hyperlipidemia, Alzheimer's (and sooo many more)
blue eyes - recessive abnormalities of chromosome 15
short stature - osteoarthritis
tall stature - bladder/prostate/lung cancer
red hair - melanoma, basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma
being underweight - organ failure (as a function of severity), transplant rejection

So who is to say that obesity is any better or worse than say, natural aging or having blonde hair?? The point is: fat people CAN be very healthy; it depends on their lifestyle. Every aspect of our physical and chemical makeup contributes to overall health status....so screw off, haters 

Sorry to derail....you may now return to the thread 

*I say "many" because I'm sure there are some issues directly linked to body fat percentage itself, but nowhere near the number estimated by the general public.


----------



## mergirl (May 9, 2008)

Melian said:


> You should just call him on it sometime when he's sober. See what he does.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


erm.. i havnt really worked out how to use "multi quote" properly yet.. so i'm not sure if my highlighted bit will work..
but actually my fawd (fa when drunk) friend is actually getting a bit better..
he used to date big guys and say stuff to people like "oh he's so hot cause he's so funny"etc.. and i would say to him "rubbish you think hes hot cause hes got a sexy belly hang and some moobs!" ..i have forced him "out" by gradual exposure to honesty! lmao

xmer


----------



## mergirl (May 9, 2008)

sorry.. i'm testing my multiquote ..
did it work?

xmer


----------



## out.of.habit (May 9, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> Shit. I've given out too much Rep.



I was just going to take care of it for you, but I've given out too much Rep as well! Sorry Melian! We'll get back to this!


----------



## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 9, 2008)

I got her!


----------



## out.of.habit (May 9, 2008)

BLUEeyedBanshee said:


> I got her!



Thanks, BeB!


----------



## MaryElizabethAntoinette (May 9, 2008)

These have all been insightful responses. And, now that we've established the different kinds of comments we receive on account of our preference... I'm wondering how often people get the vicious comments.

I mean, I posted this thread because I had begun to notice getting more negative responses than good ones lately. So I'm just curious if there is a trend going on... like whether you've noticed other people's attitudes have changed negatively towards fatness.



On another note, kinda adding to some of the comments... my parents know what I'm into. Which is a little awkward sometimes. 
My mother thinks it's just a phase... whereas my father just doesn't mention it or talk about it. But that's just what my dad is like... he's one of those people who takes forever to say nothing, and makes conversations incredibly awkward even if there's nothing awkward about them. (But then again, I sometimes do that too). 
But my mother is the more understanding one, she just kinda rolls her eyes when it is brought up. Whereas my dad, ignores it. 


Ahh, parental reactions. xP


----------



## LillyBBBW (May 10, 2008)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> These have all been insightful responses. And, now that we've established the different kinds of comments we receive on account of our preference... I'm wondering how often people get the vicious comments.
> 
> I mean, I posted this thread because I had begun to notice getting more negative responses than good ones lately. So I'm just curious if there is a trend going on... like whether you've noticed other people's attitudes have changed negatively towards fatness.
> 
> ...



Mary I'm a Masshole too and I've noticed a subtle change but maybe not the same way you have. I assume your negative reactions come when it is revealed to them that you are an FFA or it comes when they see you out and about with Chris and if it's the latter there may be an explanation.

I work right in the city and have noticed a subtle reaction to be more self conscious when I'm out on my noon commute. The reason for this is the Red Sox won the World Series and the dollar is worth crap right now. Every freak and foreigner is joy riding on the T, walking through the streets holding maps, chirping in a foreign tongue trying to find Fenway Park, Faneuil Hall or City Hall. They tend to gawk at everything, especially the little ones. They burn a hole in my forehead when I'm sitting on the T -- I don't know if it's because I'm black, I'm the biggest woman they've ever seen in their lives or both. All the young swamp yankees from the unchartered parts of New England come here in packs like they own the place and find the need to giggle at anything from mohawks to moobs. They drive everybody insane. (for all I know you are from one of these places and I just insulted your whole family. :blush: You can run me out of here if you want but in general, that's the mood among the city dwellers here in Boston proper)

I do find that depending on where I go in this state I can get any number of reactions. There might be an influx of new people unaccustomed to much of anything beyond the norm besides whatever freaky behavior they are hiding in the closet.


----------



## Baigley (May 15, 2008)

I'm not exactly "in the closet" with my FFA-ness, but it hasn't really been brought up either. I'm more the quiet type when it comes to sharing unless my opinion is asked, and I'm not usually telling my mom or female relatives about the "goods" on campus, as my other cousins have describe their attractions....

The closest I've come to telling anyone was a few months ago when my roommate and her friend were looking at a Chippendale's website, and they were arguing which of the guys looked hottest when they turned to me:

Roomie: So [Baigely], who do you think is cuter?
Me: ... Eh, they're not really my type.
Friend: What do you mean?
Me: I usually like bigger guys.
Roomie: You mean like muscular?
Me: No.

That was it. 

However, the dorm area I live in is full of hippie liberals, all for the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle and living how you want... as long as it's "healthy". One of my suitemate's is very vocal about her attitude towards fat people and it takes a lot not to just reach out and smack her. She's not alone, however, and it irritates the hell out of me, and I can see the affect it has on people. One of my suitemates, who is a size 12 (12!!! That's NORMAL![she's 5'9") is convinced she's fat and kills herself going to the rec center and eating the vegan crap they serve here (seriously, it's crap), the guy upstairs who's maybe 20 pounds overweight will barely come out of his room anymore because of all the comments. These are just the ones I know personally, but I'm sure there are a lot more. 

If anyone ever asks me (or if I ever get fed up enough to outright "out" myself) I'll be right upfront and say I do like BHMs. Small BHMs, Large BHMs, Medium, SS, soon-to-be, whatever. If they do say anything, I'll just say something to bring on their liberal shame. . "So much for a diverse society," or something like that. 

My family (on both sides) are pretty big themselves, so I don't think I'll run into (much) opposition there. Even if two aunts, a grandma and my mom all had WL surgery....

[Aside: I've got an art project cooking this summer for making an FFA shirt. . In my hick little town most people will think it means Future Farmers of America, but if anyone asks I'll tell em what it means, consequences be damned. ]


----------



## Ninja Glutton (May 15, 2008)

Baigley said:


> Roomie: So [Baigely], who do you think is cuter?
> Me: ... Eh, they're not really my type.
> Friend: What do you mean?
> Me: I usually like bigger guys.
> ...



Aw, that conversation should seriously be in a movie about a closet FFA and her subsequent acceptance of FFA-ness, but only after overcoming fat haters and adversity to find her true BH love.

In short: heartwarming


----------



## ntwp (May 15, 2008)

All of my close family members have at some point implied or directly stated that they think I am "settling for a fat guy," that I "could do better," or that I shouldn't even be with a fat guy because I'm "above that" or "just asking for problems" (health), etc etc. My family is cruel. They haven't been cruel to his face thank goodness, and I don't tell him what they say behind his back because I think it would crush him. He deals with enough shit that I just let him think my family is only a little concerned about his health. 

I have addressed the FFA issue with family members and most of them think I'm crazy. "Where did we go wrong (in raising you)?" and the like. Some have tried to analyze the situation and think that I must like fat guys because of some self-esteem issue of my own (wrong). I don't spend alot of time with my family though so it's not the biggest deal. I know alot of people who don't get along with their families- this is just my issue and life is too short to be bitter about it. Although I can't say I'm not disappointed.

My friends and family have said things like "oh he'd be so handsome if he weren't fat." He really does look like a supermodel-gone-chubby so we get that alot. I don't really let it bother me because between my man and me, we both know that I think he's the hottest motherf-er on the planet, chub and all. That type of comment, though, has enabled me to bring up my FFA-ness to friends and aquaintances. My friends are mostly indifferent or have responded with "I should have known." Many apologize for saying the "...if he weren't fat" comment and took my explanation of my preference as a part of me that they had to accept. I have a really liberal group of friends so they are totally down with it. I think it makes me unique. Some have showed concern for his health, but I am concerned too sometimes so that doesn't bother me. Only a couple of close friends have gotten the complete breakdown of my preferences, and they think I'm odd but they're still accepting of me (and him).


----------



## Baigley (May 15, 2008)

Ninja Glutton said:


> Aw, that conversation should seriously be in a movie about a closet FFA and her subsequent acceptance of FFA-ness, but only after overcoming fat haters and adversity to find her true BH love.
> 
> In short: heartwarming



We should make a community based script full of all of our experiences! Then when we think it's perfect, ship it off to Hollywood, and if they turn us down have a group fundraiser and create an Indie film! 

Who's gonna start the thread?


----------



## Ninja Glutton (May 16, 2008)

Baigley said:


> We should make a community based script full of all of our experiences! Then when we think it's perfect, ship it off to Hollywood, and if they turn us down have a group fundraiser and create an Indie film!
> 
> Who's gonna start the thread?



I actually am a film student, and I would love to have feedback on a script like that. I think many people's experiences could be incorporated. 

I've always wanted to make a teen drama, so a teen drama about a fat guy finding love would be incredible. It would be like my life story (except with a happy romantic climax lol). 

It wouldn't be that hard to shoot on a shoestring budget because you could just shoot on location and I could just use my friends as actors. I'd seriously be so down for that.


----------



## Ninja Glutton (May 19, 2008)

Sorry for the thread hi-jacking by the way


----------



## miss.pseudonym (May 22, 2008)

I am fortunate enough to not have had some of the negative feed back that y'all have had when people "find out," even strangers. I'm not "in the closet" either. I told my best friend about a year ago, and even though she teases me about it, she pretty much teases me about everything anyway and thinks it's funny that I got so flustered when I explained it to her. She honestly doesn't think it's a big deal (which I guess it really isn't, but I expected the worst). The majority of my friends know and accept it as part of who I am, thankfully. 

I'm pretty sure my boyfriend's in on the loop though I don't have a clue how he figured it out. Maybe he's cleverer than I give him credit for. Or maybe it's obvious. A mystery... 

Either way he doesn't seem to have a problem with it. He even seems to revel in it a bit.

But as far as random people who happen to get involved somehow, I get either "You are... strange..." and the funny looks and then the topic changes or a lecture about how very unhealthy it is! -.- Thankfully that's only happened a couple of times.

And as for the film idea, it's brilliant. Actually, I've been looking to do something like that for a while, or a novel or something.


----------



## BeaBea (May 25, 2008)

mergirl said:


> fawd (fa when drunk)



Sorry, this is a complete hijack but Mer, you're a GENIUS!! I'm going to steal this if thats ok because its perfect shorthand for any number of men I meet in my everyday life and it will be so much easier than explaining it from scratch every time.

Thank You!!
Tracey xx


----------



## avernia (May 26, 2008)

I actually haven't had anyone tell me I shouldn't like fat coz its unhealthy - my sister reckons its pretty weird but she generally finds me pretty weird so this is just another side of that. I've no idea what people think deep down but they mostly politely ignore my statement about liking fat guys, maybe because they don't understand/don't know what to say. Its probably partly cultural though - it seems most of the FFAs who get this kind of hassle are in the US? People aren't so vocal in general here...


----------



## mergirl (May 27, 2008)

BeaBea said:


> Sorry, this is a complete hijack but Mer, you're a GENIUS!! I'm going to steal this if thats ok because its perfect shorthand for any number of men I meet in my everyday life and it will be so much easier than explaining it from scratch every time.
> 
> Thank You!!
> Tracey xx


lmao..yessum steal away.. i have plenty more made up crap in my head! lmao.. you know its amazing how many FAWD people i have met! which is funny and sad at the same time!

x mer


----------



## velia (May 30, 2008)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> These have all been insightful responses. And, now that we've established the different kinds of comments we receive on account of our preference... I'm wondering how often people get the vicious comments.



I've probably mentioned this before on Dims, but for the sake of this question, I think it bears repeating. 

About a year after my husband and I had gotten married, we were sitting at his mother's house having dinner. As was standard fare, at some point during the meal, she began mercilessly bashing my husband for the weight he'd recently gained, how unhealthy it was, how he was disgusting, and so on. I'd never been able to understand this behavior, as my husband's entire family (his mother included) is fat. Anyway, she went on and on, and I became increasingly more pissed off. Just as I thought I couldn't take another second, my husband stood up and said, "Shut the f*ck up, Mother. It's none of your business, and she likes it, anyway, so it works for me, doesn't it?" and then he walked out the door.

Next thing I know, I'm being railed by his mother about how unhealthy and disgusting my preference is. "So you support diabetes and dying of the complications of obesity, is that it? God, you're sick!" she screamed. 
I somehow found it within myself to reply to her calmly that I did not, in fact support diabetes-- that'd be like saying, "I support cancer," and that I was sorry for her that she had been so poorly educated by our media. I also let her know if she hadn't figured it out already, future abuse regarding my husband's weight and my preferences would not be tolerated, and if she couldn't hold her tongue, we wouldn't be back.

She has found it necessary to repeat this behavior since then, but all it has taken is me saying, "Lori, need I remind you?" and she shuts up. 

It shocks me how brutally hateful people can be about this-- but I've found most of the worst comments come from family members, in our case. Some of my friends have been shocked (don't know why, I only dated one thinner guy), but overall, they're accepting of it. I guess my overall attitude is that I don't require that anyone understand my preference, just respect it.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (May 31, 2008)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> I'm wondering how often people get the vicious comments.
> 
> I mean, I posted this thread because I had begun to notice getting more negative responses than good ones lately. So I'm just curious if there is a trend going on... like whether you've noticed other people's attitudes have changed negatively towards fatness.



I haven't noticed an increase in negative attitudes towards fatness. But I live in LA and large sections of this city are very anti-fat, let's face it, this is home to the very film and television industry that perpetuates so many of the negative stereotypes. 

In general, I've actually been pretty lucky about reaction from friends and family. I get teased A LOT by some of my friends, but nothing too bad. And a couple have even said at various times that they were supportive of the idea. As for my family, my immediate family is fine with it. I have a cousin who is an FA actually and he's older than me and married a BBW years ago and I remember what the family reaction was at the time and really, it wasn't anything too bad. Mostly "I guess that's how he likes them." So I just assume that's the sort of thing they say behind my back too.

But I did have one really horrible experience with a friend of mine a little over a year ago. The type of thing that ended the friendship. I had been friends with this guy and his wife for over 5 years at the time. When I first met them, I was at the time engaged to a smallish BHM. And they knew him and even though we broke it off, we stayed friends and they knew that too. Yet, a little over a year ago I went to their place for dinner and out of nowhere, totally without warning my "friend", he starts saying really nasty things about another man we knew who was basically the same size as my ex. And I mean he went off, railing against fat men and all of it. And I was shocked and his wife was shocked and I didn't know what to do. And finally his wife asked him what he was doing and very obviously jerked her head in my direction and then he stopped and she said my ex's name and my friend said "oh, yeah." And honestly we sat in the longest most awkward silence, then he went over to their infant daughter, picked her up and said, in front of me, "you'd never do that to daddy would you. YOu wouldn't bring home a fat ass, right? No fat asses." At that point I ended the evening abruptly and I haven't seen him since and I saw the wife only once afterward and it was too awkward, so basically I lost both of them. I had had no idea this guy was anti- fat until that moment. And, to put it in perspective, this is a pretty open minded guy. the kind of guy with friends of all races, sexual orientations, hell, we even had a mutual friend who had a sex change and we all stayed friendly with her after the surgery. So yeah, I was surprised a smallish BHM would upset him so much. And all I kept wondering was what he used to say about me and my ex behind our backs.


And velia, your post made my heart ache for you and your husband. I couldn't imagine getting that treatment from your own mother or having to be put in the position you're in of defending your husband to his own mother. It must be horrible for both of you. My family has its problems, but, no one has ever called their own child disgusting. JFX!


----------



## LillyBBBW (May 31, 2008)

velia said:


> I've probably mentioned this before on Dims, but for the sake of this question, I think it bears repeating.
> 
> About a year after my husband and I had gotten married, we were sitting at his mother's house having dinner. As was standard fare, at some point during the meal, she began mercilessly bashing my husband for the weight he'd recently gained, how unhealthy it was, how he was disgusting, and so on. I'd never been able to understand this behavior, as my husband's entire family (his mother included) is fat. Anyway, she went on and on, and I became increasingly more pissed off. Just as I thought I couldn't take another second, my husband stood up and said, "Shut the f*ck up, Mother. It's none of your business, and she likes it, anyway, so it works for me, doesn't it?" and then he walked out the door.
> 
> ...



My mother probably wouldn't say anthing as nasty about me to my face but I could see her going off on a SO like your MIL did. My mother does a lot of hand wringing over my weight and would like to see me lose. She's petrified over my health since she and my father's health is so bad. An FA who loves me the way I am might be seen by her as an enemy to her efforts to knock some good sense into me, an enabler. If he were big also we'd both get the lectures. Mothers are creatures with their own way of doing things.


----------



## itsjustme (Jun 2, 2008)

Reading through all the previous posts and learning of the highs and low of being an FFA, it seems that alot of you suffer through the ignorance/discrimination of those whose capacity for understanding is diminished by a society that hold physicality and image over acceptance and understanding. Like blind flys they buzz around the cesspit of the media driven world reciting the orders they're given to say, putting everything into the words spoken whilst understanding and intuiting nothing. What's the most terrifying outcome to a world where people are accepted for being different? At what point did tolerance give way to uneducated prejudice? It saddens me to say it but fat people will never be accepted as beautiful by the main stream world as the idea of easily attainable beauty is something the fashion industry does not want to happen. There's no money to be made in everyone being beautiful regardless of size and shape. 

I seem to have strayed, what i meant to say was i understand the problems faced by FFA's, but from the other size of the coin. Having always wanted to gain weight i've felt the pressure from my family and society at large to stay thin and therefore remain "accepted". A few years ago whilst in a long term relatoinship i went from just over 9 stone(around 129lbs) to 14 stone(196lbs). My partner of the time (who knew aboout my kink) didn't seem to mind it but by no means encouraged it or made it clear she enjoyed the extra weight. 

My family on the other hand were less kind. Fat jokes were completely acceptable now from my sisters and parents. Initially when i put on the weight i really enjoyed it. If i'd actually been with an FFA i'd no doubt be a whole lot of man by now. But as it stands things eventually ended with my ex and i simply couldn't face living with the extra weight alone. I'll never be 9 stone again, but i fluctuate from 10 to 11 depending on how naughty i allow myself to be. At no point during my weight gain did i consider telling my family of my preference as i simply don't have the courage and i doubt they'd ever understand. 

So here i am, a closet wannabe feedee trapped inside a slim, strong healthy body, craving to bury it under a mountain of fat until all signs of the slim me are lost forever. To look at me you'd never guess at the true drive and nature of my being. I have rendered myself invisible to the inhibiting nature of society, i wear this body, this ideal, like a mask.


----------



## velia (Jun 2, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> And velia, your post made my heart ache for you and your husband. I couldn't imagine getting that treatment from your own mother or having to be put in the position you're in of defending your husband to his own mother. It must be horrible for both of you. My family has its problems, but, no one has ever called their own child disgusting. JFX!



I was shocked as hell that his mother would actually call her own child disgusting. Growing up in a very accepting family, I'd never heard such things at home. My husband and I have both been persecuted for our size out and about in the world, but home is supposed to be a safe place to return to-- which is why to this day, I restrict the amount of time I'm willing to spend with his family.

What happened to you was hideous. It's amazing the things people find acceptable to be blatantly prejudiced about. I can imagine things were never the same-- and for the man's wife; what a horrible thing to have to realize about your husband. I know some people can get over those things, but if my spouse displayed blatant hatred for a "different" group of human beings, I don't know if I could cope with that.



LillyBBBW said:


> My mother probably wouldn't say anthing as nasty about me to my face but I could see her going off on a SO like your MIL did. My mother does a lot of hand wringing over my weight and would like to see me lose. She's petrified over my health since she and my father's health is so bad. An FA who loves me the way I am might be seen by her as an enemy to her efforts to knock some good sense into me, an enabler. If he were big also we'd both get the lectures. Mothers are creatures with their own way of doing things.



It makes me sad to know that any parent could be so willing to tear apart their own children, or even those their children love. Its also sad that to love a fat person as they are, one would be seen as an enabler. Isn't that what our parents taught us? Love people for who they are. 

Anyway, I guess even though people can be horrible, each one teaches us something-- even if that's to avoid choosing behaviors like their's in the future. My husband and I are big on acceptance (no pun intended ), and we're excited to get to pass that on to our child.


----------



## olwen (Jun 2, 2008)

edx said:


> Hey Mer, and I guess for any other openly gay/bi female FA too, do you find people have a harder time with you being gay, or you being attracted to fat people? Or does it vary by beholder?



I"m not Mer, but I would think that it would be easier for people to wrap their heads around homosexuality if only because it is more visible. It's something they are familiar with even if they are disgusted by it - fat, maybe not so much.


----------



## olwen (Jun 2, 2008)

When people bring up the health argument to me I tell them they've are uninformed or misinformed. I repeat it a few times then remind them that the studies they're getting their "facts" from are funded by groups who stand to gain from worry over weight gain. It doesn't always work but I like to think it gets them to thinking way back in the nether regions of their brains.


----------



## mergirl (Jun 3, 2008)

olwen said:


> I"m not Mer, but I would think that it would be easier for people to wrap their heads around homosexuality if only because it is more visible. It's something they are familiar with even if they are disgusted by it - fat, maybe not so much.


hmm i would have to disagree.. I think its easier to see identifiable fat people walking down the street than it is to see identifiable (hmm sp) gay people.. 
and as for not being me? how do you know you are not? and other philosophical wanderings!! lmao

xmer


----------



## Durin (Jun 3, 2008)

I think my parents are completely obsessed with their diet and what they eat and what they don't eat.

I am an FA and BHM and I can hardly stand being around my own parents. In the name of my health they have completly alienated my relationship with them. When I go visit them I do not enjoy it and so I rarely if ever see my parents.


----------



## velia (Jun 5, 2008)

olwen said:


> When people bring up the health argument to me I tell them they've are uninformed or misinformed. I repeat it a few times then remind them that the studies they're getting their "facts" from are funded by groups who stand to gain from worry over weight gain. It doesn't always work but I like to think it gets them to thinking way back in the nether regions of their brains.



I think that's an excellent point, Olwen. Sometimes, when people spout off with a "fact" from a study, I ask who it was funded by, and they look at me like I'm from another planet. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who considers these things.


----------



## Raqui (Jun 5, 2008)

I have always perfered Larger Men. My dream man is Michael Clark Dunchan in Armagedon. DAMN those leopard undies have had me dreaming for years LOL


My husband himself was a larger man. He was 6'4 and 310 when he passed away. He was a love and even after 7 years I miss him

Now I am in a relationship with someone very slim and I have learned to appreciate him as is. I cant complain. So i dont think that makes me an FFA.

Though i would like to know more about FFA's 

I am having a radio show next friday and would love some female FA's come on to talk about it.

Anyone interested please email me [email protected]


----------



## Smite (Jun 5, 2008)

If you want someone from the BHM FFA "scene" i'll offer up talking (BHM here, in charge of the BFC). I can also see if some of the FFA's on there would like to talk too!


----------



## rabbitislove (Jun 6, 2008)

Mary,
This is a good question. I dealt with those criticisms in the worst possible way, almost four years ago. When I was eighteen, I was in an emotionally, financially and sexually abusive relationship with a larger man, the first fat guy I was seriously into. I told him that I was into bigger guys, I guess I thought it would make him feel better about his lack of confidence, but he always took it as an opportunity to yell at me and tell me it "wasn't healthy" and that I "wasn't normal". After I managed to get out of that, I renounced the scene and denied it, but luckily I recovered to become the open FFA I am today.

Its always hard for me to be open about the whole FFA thing with bigger men I'm dating, because there's the lot of them that have low self esteem and would rather pin me as a freak to make themselves feel superior than actually deal with internalized fatphobia, and it hurts to hear that from a partner.

For the first time in my life I'm in a relationship with a BHM whose open minded about it. The other night, I was giving him a belly rub and he was telling me how much he liked it, and teasing me about liking fat guys. In the words of the Ohio Players, "Fiiiiiire." In all seriousness, it feels good to be in a relationship with someone who is secure enough with their body, and secure enough to play a little bit into my preference and kinks.

For the most part, the only shit I get is from my family. My friends all think its cute, and tease me about it, but all in fun. My dads side also teases me playfully, and I think my aunt on that side has FFA tendencies, but my mom's side has always either ignored me or treated me badly, so when I date fat guys, they think I "can't do any better" and that I'm socially awkward (Most of them honestly don't care to get to know me that well, so fuck 'em)

My parents think I'm "too pretty" to date fat guys, and think I have low self esteem when I do. One day, my dad asked how much my ex weighed, and how tall he was. When I told my mom she flipped out. They never met him, but didn't like him because of his weight (Not because he was a douchebag, or anything....). With my current boyfriend being a smaller BHM, and because my parents like him I don't really get that much trouble from them anymore. 

However, if anyone brings up the health issue, I point out that it's lifestyle and genetics over weight, that the BMI index is a useless outdated tool, and that a skinny person with a freakish metabolism who eats oreos and plays WoW all day is going to have more health problems than a fat person who eats healthy and exercises. For me, since I'm frequently hiking, biking, camping and in general running around like a squirrel with ADD, I need someone who can keep up.

I think after this post, the score in the health vs weight debate is:
Rabbit: 80000000 +
Fat phobic haters = -15

Its lonely at the top.


----------



## Tad (Jun 6, 2008)

rabbitislove said:


> However, if anyone brings up the health issue, I point out that it's lifestyle and genetics over weight, that the BMI index is a useless outdated tool, and that a skinny person with a freakish metabolism who eats oreos and plays WoW all day is going to have more health problems than a fat person who eats healthy and exercises. For me, since I'm frequently hiking, biking, camping and in general running around like a squirrel with ADD, I need someone who can keep up.
> .



You know, years ago I had pretty much teh same discussion with my parents, regarding my wife. But then she ended up living with them for a few months while on a work placement....and most days road her bike 45 minutes to an hour to work, and back again. And they saw how she ate. And they shut up about it. Sometimes seeing is believing.


----------



## likeitmatters (Jun 9, 2008)

However, if anyone brings up the health issue, I point out that it's lifestyle and genetics over weight, that the BMI index is a useless outdated tool, and that a skinny person with a freakish metabolism who eats oreos and plays WoW all day is going to have more health problems than a fat person who eats healthy and exercises. For me, since I'm frequently hiking, biking, camping and in general running around like a squirrel with ADD, I need someone who can keep up.



nothing wrong with playing wow all day.....do I need to call upon my warriormage to sheep you? You dont know the power of the forsaken now!!!!

lol

:bow:


----------



## FreneticFang (Jun 10, 2008)

My grandma was the only one who commented she wants to see me with a "nice handsome boy" for once.

My parents have never directly asked me about it, but they mostly stay out of my intimate life anyway.

My sister and friends all know I love fat guys. They tease me about it rarely, but I've never really gotten any negative comments. 

I do remember a few times when my friends would each put together the puzzle and just up and ask me "Do you like fat guys?" I did feel a bit odd about it during those times. 

I don't go up and flaunt about it to most people, but it does impact my life. For example, there's a guy I was talking to online for a while, but I knew it would never work out the moment I found out how thin he was. I wonder if maybe flaunting about it more would have spared his feelings.

It is something different. But, it's nothing I'm ever afraid of. I'm very proud to cuddle up with whoever I'm dating in public. To me, it's perfectly natural to like that body type and if anyone stares then it just gives me more thrills. 

My mental response to most guys is: yes, I know he's 300-400 lbs. Yes, I know I'm 5'10 and dressed in Armani. Now, leave my long legs and pretty face alone buddy because you have a six pack and that won't do.

I love the feeling of just cuddling up with someone who feels soft. But more than anything, I simply can't get aroused with thin guys. No belly = my clothes are staying on. Either way you look at that, it's more than a fetish. It's a sexual orientation.


----------



## escapist (Jun 11, 2008)

Well first of all I'm sorry its been so long since I've posted. I've missed many of you, I've gotten to know a few of you outside of the boards via myspace, yahoo etc and i think your all wonderful. I just wanted to say, remember to get your validation for your thoughts feelings and comfort from you not others. I know some of what you go through because I find attraction with women of all shapes and sizes. I'm a 400 lb guy who's had 104 lb girlfriends and 300+ lb girlfriends. My guy friends just don't get me. It just doesn't matter cause I know who and what has value to me. Not that people want to live in a world that "socially unaccepted" Hell thats probably why this board even exist, so those of us who have common thoughts and feelings can have a place to be socially accepted.

Don't ever "hide" who you are to please others. I guess thats what I really wanted to say. I know its hard and sometimes unpopular. Do it for you, not the BHM's who love ya  (because we do). Maybe I'm just ranting here cause there was a time when I tried to conform to "popular thought". It only made me hate myself, my world, and my universe. Life is just soooooo much better now, even if I have to deal with the occasional "Hater".


----------



## unconventional (Jun 12, 2008)

I have been through a lot with telling my friends and family. Im not afraid of telling people and am very open about my preference. At first my parents were very supportive and everything but lately they have told me im sick in the head and everything. This is all since my dad decided to go on a health kick ( hes always went through a lot of them ) and went on a baby food diet. Idk hes kind of lost his mind in the health aspect and so has my family. I mean my dad doesnt even let us have fruit anymore. So its kind of weird around here, but im not letting that change my preference. I am me, and im not going to change.


----------



## Wanderer (Jun 18, 2008)

unconventional said:


> I have been through a lot with telling my friends and family. Im not afraid of telling people and am very open about my preference. At first my parents were very supportive and everything but lately they have told me im sick in the head and everything. This is all since my dad decided to go on a health kick ( hes always went through a lot of them ) and went on a baby food diet. Idk hes kind of lost his mind in the health aspect and so has my family. I mean my dad doesnt even let us have fruit anymore. So its kind of weird around here, but im not letting that change my preference. I am me, and im not going to change.



Fruit's important for many necessary vitamins, you know. You might want to club him with a medical journal and see if you can't get an early release...


----------



## Ninja Glutton (Jun 18, 2008)

FreneticFang said:


> No belly = my clothes are staying on. Either way you look at that, it's more than a fetish. It's a sexual orientation.



Marry me now?


----------



## kinkykitten (Oct 23, 2008)

I have experienced some of what you mentioned. I'm also very open about my FFA and feederism. Besides it's not something I can easily hide!  lol


----------



## rabbitislove (Oct 29, 2008)

likeitmatters said:


> nothing wrong with playing wow all day.....do I need to call upon my warriormage to sheep you? You dont know the power of the forsaken now!!!!



*looks up in terror as she's about to be smote*

Remember me.....as a peacemaker!


----------



## escapist (Nov 26, 2008)

rabbitislove said:


> *looks up in terror as she's about to be smote*
> 
> Remember me.....as a peacemaker!



I think your just looking for more of a good spanking heheh.


----------



## boompoet (Nov 26, 2008)

I had never thought about reactions people have to thin FFAs and the reason I say Thin FFAs is because of the societal view that heavy set people should stick to their own. If one sees a heavy man and a curvaceous woman walking hand in hand, it's normal in the narrow view that most people suffer from. If you see a big man and a tiny woman or a tiny man and a big woman, it's a gasper. I didn't realize people would actually scoff at the woman for her choices. It's a negative view that not only keeps the FFA from going after what she wants, but it also keeps the BHM alone. I have no doubt there are women here who would be into me, but they'll never speak up. I never understood it was a social stigma.

As far as the health thing goes, pshaw! Last year I had a heart attack caused by a blood clot. It had nothing to do with weight or so the doctor said. I recently had a stress test and the doctor told me I went longer than most long distance runners could have. I weigh right at 300 pounds and I have better oxygenation, more stamina, and a faster recovery rate (how fast I catch my breath and my heart slows) than a long distance runner. It's not the weight one has, it's how one uses it. You can all use that as an argument for healthy fat people.


----------



## BigWarmMan (Dec 31, 2010)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> "Most of the time when someone finds out that I think fat is sexy, they basically tell me that I'm awful because "fat is unhealthy" and that by giving big men positive attention for their weight, I am contributing to their unhealthiness."
> 
> I suppose most people think giving fat men a lifetime of rejection and disapproval is good for their health? Unhappiness never made me skinny, but skiiyness (or struggling to become skinny) always makes me unhappy.


----------



## PinkRodery (Jan 7, 2011)

I think only about 5 of my closest friends know... It's not that I don't want people to know, it's just like my sexuality; I just don't really fell the need to tell people unless they straight out ask.

One friend thinks it's weird but accepts it, one finds it extremely weird (possibly because he's a big guy himself and very self-conscious) and ignores it except once when he let me touch his body when we were fooling around.
Two are totally fine with it, and think it's cute that I like "cuddly" guys, especially as one of them is into very, very thin guys.
And one constantly makes fun of me, but in a nice way.

I haven't really gotten any extremely negative responses to it.


----------



## NYC_FFA (Jan 8, 2011)

Ninja Glutton said:


> Aw, that conversation should seriously be in a movie about a closet FFA and her subsequent acceptance of FFA-ness, but only after overcoming fat haters and adversity to find her true BH love.
> 
> In short: heartwarming



Well, that's the story I'm trying to write, so stay tuned.


----------

