# Sex or Affection?



## BeaBea (May 16, 2007)

I've really enjoyed the thread about how important sex is in a relationship. I was discussing with a friend (who really should stop lurking and start contributing, Paul!!) and we were trying to decide which was worse.

Within the confines of a relationship is to worse to want sex and get affection, or to want affection and get sex? 

Now it's obviously nice to get any response at all when you're in need but we agreed that both of the above scenarios can leave you feeling a bit lost and rejected. Anyone have any thoughts?

Tracey xx


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 16, 2007)

Lack of affection gives me head problems/doubts about the whole relationship. Lack of sex would make me wonder but it's the affection that makes me feel loved. Why? There are a lot of men in the world willing to "give sex" but not that many want to just snuggle/hold hands......


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## Tad (May 16, 2007)

To me affection is the critical one. But to want either one and get the other, I think those are both terrible situations.

-Ed


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## Paw Paw (May 16, 2007)

As one the guys who has learned, I say that you need a combination. Affection makes the sex worthwhile. Sex without affection may be fun, but if you are in a relationship, the after is empty.

Does that make sense?

Peace,
2P.


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## Emma (May 16, 2007)

I'd much rather have affection than sex.


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## Damon (May 16, 2007)

CurvyEm said:


> I'd much rather have affection than sex.



I think I would be more worried if affection were lacking in my relationship. Decreesed affection is supposed to be a sign that you and your partner are on the downward spiral.


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## BigFriendlyDave (May 16, 2007)

At the present moment I'd have to go with getting some (or any  ) affection overrides any urges I have for sex. 

dX


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## Butterbelly (May 16, 2007)

I'm more about affection in a relationship than about the sex.


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## ZainTheInsane (May 16, 2007)

Monkeys are affectionate.








Horrible, horrible inside joke.


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 16, 2007)

Affection > sex in the long run for me. 

Besides .. usually affection leads to that.

I'm a huge fan of random lil' shows of affection .. like randomly giving or receiving kisses or just holding hands or anything. I don't know.. makes me feel all .. :wubu: :wubu: :wubu: and that is an awesome feeling.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (May 16, 2007)

That's a tricky one. I'll have to think about it. I was going to post loads...but it is too personal right now.


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## This1Yankee (May 16, 2007)

Affection is hands down the winner.

But sex is nice too. I could live without the sex (no comments from the peanut gallery, i.e. Ginny and Manda, on this!), but not without the affection.


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## Tina (May 16, 2007)

BeaBea said:


> I've really enjoyed the thread about how important sex is in a relationship. I was discussing with a friend (who really should stop lurking and start contributing, Paul!!) and we were trying to decide which was worse.
> 
> Within the confines of a relationship is to worse to want sex and get affection, or to want affection and get sex?
> 
> ...



If I have to choose, I think it's worse to want affection and get sex. Sex we can always take care of on our own, if need be. Affection -- genuine affection -- isn't something we can really do for ourselves. Well, at least I cannot.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (May 16, 2007)

To be honest - it depends on the time of the month. The week before my period all I want is sex!!!!!!!!!
Any other time of the month affection is more important.


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## Lady Bella UK (May 16, 2007)

Hmmmmm,

Interesting question...

It is worse to want affection and get sex, but I have been in situations where it has been the opposite. Affection and an emotional connection are the things I look for in a relationship most, and if these are there then the sex is normally amazing.

I was once asked if you can truely love someone so much and yet never have had sex with them, and can have sex with someone frequently and not love them. I agree with this statement, although my friend said sex and love are indistinguishable...but that is another question entirely!

IMO it is worse to want huggles and cuddles and small chat and kisses etc and only get a tub-thumping.

Bella xXx


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## supersoup (May 16, 2007)

lack of affection would make me wonder about where my significant other's heart and head were, but if i had to choose, i'd take affection. there's nothing better than lazing around with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and doing the awesome stuff...loosely holding hands and running your thumb back and forth across his palm...him stroking your hair at night before you fall asleep...noticing that he always has his hand on that same spot on your hip when you're walking together somewhere...having your hand grabbed and getting a surprise smooch when you're out and about somewhere...and feeling him or her put their hand on your ticklish spot on your side, just because they know it'll make you smile.

*sigh*

THAT is the best part of being in a relationship.


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## Waxwing (May 16, 2007)

I was trying to explain this to a friend of mine recently-- 

I'm not sure which would be worse, because I'm *only* affectionate within the confines of a relationship, or at least a sexual interaction. I don't really hug people, unless they instigate, I don't "cuddle", I don't even sit too close to people on the couch. 

So when I'm affectionate it is almost always related to/a prelude to sex. I don't snuggle my friends. Ever.

Apparently I've been this way all my life; I hear that even as a baby I wasn't particularly cuddly, though my mom was very affectionate with me. It's just not in my nature. 

If I'm in a romantic relationship with someone I touch them all the time. I guess I reserve all of my need for touch for those times. So both would be equally terrible for me. I would become desperate for the physical touch, but in my mind it would lead to sex. 

Not sure that made any sense. I guess the moral of the story is that if Waxy initiates a hug with you, she probably wants to do you.


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## BeaBea (May 16, 2007)

supersoup said:


> the awesome stuff...loosely holding hands and running your thumb back and forth across his palm...him stroking your hair at night before you fall asleep...noticing that he always has his hand on that same spot on your hip when you're walking together somewhere...having your hand grabbed and getting a surprise smooch when you're out and about somewhere...and feeling him or her put their hand on your ticklish spot on your side, just because they know it'll make you smile.
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> THAT is the best part of being in a relationship.



Oh... I'm sighing with you!! Someone I loved very much would always rest his hand on my face and gently touch his thumb to the corner of my mouth 'to feel my smile' in the dark. That gesture meant the absolute world to me. It was more intimate and personal than any amount of sex. 

I think you might have just swayed my vote on this one, I think I'm more for the affection side of the deal...

Tracey xx


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## GWARrior (May 16, 2007)

RIght now, I could just go for some sex! its been months!


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## xdeementedxdeemonx (May 16, 2007)

hmm, I don't get either.


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## kerrypop (May 16, 2007)

Coming from a celibate relationship, I can say that affection and mutual respect are what hold our relationship together. Quality time, cuddles, and waking up snuggling are the most wonderful things. Complete and total charity to one another... It's wonderful and there is nothing like it. I'm excited for the sex part, but thus far, it's been unnecessary. 

...we havn't always been celibate, btw, we have done the sex thing, but we wanted to hold off for a while (a long while ) so that it was SUPER AWESOME on the honeymoon... YES!!


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## Forgotten_Futures (May 17, 2007)

Well, I've never actually been far enough into a relationship for this to be an issue, BUT, if I were seeking simple affection and my significant other tried to force sex on me, I'd be pissed. Very pissed.

However, if I wanted sex and got affection... which I highly doubt. I expect to be the one holding out on that when the time comes. So, I could understand that, because I won't be giving sex until I'm ready for it, whenever that happens to be, so I wouldn't be perturbed if someone else wasn't ready to have sex with me. I'd be happy enough to just have the affection, and hope they didn't think I was upset with them over something so pointless.


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## Forgotten_Futures (May 17, 2007)

kerrypop said:


> Coming from a celibate relationship, I can say that affection and mutual respect are what hold our relationship together. Quality time, cuddles, and waking up snuggling are the most wonderful things. Complete and total charity to one another... It's wonderful and there is nothing like it. I'm excited for the sex part, but thus far, it's been unnecessary.
> 
> ...we havn't always been celibate, btw, we have done the sex thing, but we wanted to hold off for a while (a long while ) so that it was SUPER AWESOME on the honeymoon... YES!!


 
Mm, all points I've gotten indicate, if you haven't had sex before, don't ruin your honeymoon that way.


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## Allie Cat (May 17, 2007)

I'd rather be with a girl who loves to snuggle and kiss and hold hands and suchlike but doesn't want to have sex than vice versa.

If you're not getting sex, well, as long as you still have a hand or two you're more or less ok (though wanking is not at all the same as the real thing), but if you're not getting affection, there's really no 'filler' for it.

Though going without either is hard...

=Divals


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## AnnMarie (May 17, 2007)

supersoup said:


> lack of affection would make me wonder about where my significant other's heart and head were, but if i had to choose, i'd take affection. there's nothing better than lazing around with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and doing the awesome stuff...loosely holding hands and running your thumb back and forth across his palm...him stroking your hair at night before you fall asleep...noticing that he always has his hand on that same spot on your hip when you're walking together somewhere...having your hand grabbed and getting a surprise smooch when you're out and about somewhere...and feeling him or her put their hand on your ticklish spot on your side, just because they know it'll make you smile.
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> THAT is the best part of being in a relationship.



I LOVE it when I don't have to type something. 

Yes, everything soupy said - e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g

Man I can't wait for this weekend.


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## kerrypop (May 17, 2007)

Forgotten_Futures said:


> Mm, all points I've gotten indicate, if you haven't had sex before, don't ruin your honeymoon that way.



...as I said in my post, we havn't always been celibate.


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## Waxwing (May 17, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> I LOVE it when I don't have to type something.
> 
> Yes, everything soupy said - e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g



Didn't she just nail it? Reading it actually made me yearn. I hate yearning.


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## supersoup (May 17, 2007)

yeah, damn me and this thread, cause i'm yearning too.

this too shall pass.


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## Forgotten_Futures (May 17, 2007)

Manual Override fthw!


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## tink977 (May 17, 2007)

Well, I personally want sex more than I want affection.


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## Forgotten_Futures (May 17, 2007)

Lady Bella UK said:


> I was once asked if you can truely love someone so much and yet never have had sex with them, and can have sex with someone frequently and not love them. I agree with this statement, although my friend said sex and love are indistinguishable...but that is another question entirely!


 
Hookers =P

I also have a friend who says she's in love with multiple men, has slept with most if not all of those, and claims to love them all still, despite having a steady boyfriend. Of course, it's an open relationship... *shrug*


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 17, 2007)

You know.... you are a girl's dream!!! :wubu: 




BothGunsBlazing said:


> I'm a huge fan of random lil' shows of affection .. like randomly giving or receiving kisses or just holding hands or anything. I don't know.. makes me feel all .. :wubu: :wubu: :wubu: and that is an awesome feeling.


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 17, 2007)

Affection, affection, affection.... it absolutely can NOT be replaced. 

Don't get me wrong, sex is great and I don't get enough of it. 

But, nothing beats that hand on the hip while you're laying in bed. That little pat on the behind when he walks by. The wink across the room when you catch his eye. His hand on the small of your back while you're walking to the table in a restaurant. Standing in front of the mirror putting make up on and he comes up and puts his hands around your waist and just cuddles and watches. Laying in bed and running your finger along his jaw line and feeling that little bit of stubble, and feeling him smile.

That is the stuff that makes a relationship. THAT cannot be replaced.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (May 17, 2007)

I agree that affection is very important. I'm a very affectionate person, I'm very hands on. I love it.

However, if I wanted sex and got affection, I think I'd be ok, disappointed but ok. If I wanted affection and got sex, I'd be pretty pissed.


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## Eclectic_Girl (May 17, 2007)

supersoup said:


> lack of affection would make me wonder about where my significant other's heart and head were, but if i had to choose, i'd take affection. there's nothing better than lazing around with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and doing the awesome stuff...loosely holding hands and running your thumb back and forth across his palm...him stroking your hair at night before you fall asleep...noticing that he always has his hand on that same spot on your hip when you're walking together somewhere...having your hand grabbed and getting a surprise smooch when you're out and about somewhere...and feeling him or her put their hand on your ticklish spot on your side, just because they know it'll make you smile.
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> THAT is the best part of being in a relationship.



Perfect, soupy. Just...perfect. I've realized lately that what my previous relationships have been missing (and what I am so, so grateful for in my current relationship) is that simple affection. 



Waxwing said:


> I don't really hug people, unless they instigate, I don't "cuddle", I don't even sit too close to people on the couch.



That's it. You're getting a whole lot of "instigating" at the MemDay weekend. There's nothing like a fat girl hug - even a platonic one.


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## Vice Admiral D (May 17, 2007)

How about affectionate sex?  

Please note that public displays of affection are okay, but public sex displays are generally frowned upon...

Okay, seriously:
For me, one is an extension of the other. I can still think back and remember how great sex was with former partners, but it's the things like holding hands, tickling, running fingers through the hair (On the head! No, not that one! The one on top of the shoulders! Okay, back to seriousness) that I miss more. And now that I'm alone again, I find those are the types of things I see others do and miss the most (I don't watch those same people have sex, though, just to make that point clear!)

Oh, and backrubs! I miss those! I give as good as I get, and you can't really rub your own (bites tongue to remain clean here).


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## Wagimawr (May 17, 2007)

Forgotten_Futures said:


> Manual Override fthw!



:bow: :happy:


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## supersoup (May 19, 2007)

i refuse to let this one die, so i just re-read it.

affection all the way. :wubu:


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## Wagimawr (May 19, 2007)

Works for me. (Affection, that is.)

Although do keep in mind I speak as a virgin.


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## Jon Blaze (May 19, 2007)

Wagimawr said:


> Works for me. (Affection, that is.)
> 
> Although do keep in mind I speak as a virgin.



I'm going to concur for 500 Alex.


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## Wagimawr (May 19, 2007)

Cuddling is the shit. A sign of affection with only mild sexual overtones.

Yes, getting somebody off is fun, but not necessary all the time.


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## BeaBea (May 19, 2007)

I was chatting this over this an ex boyfriend who admitted that he spent much of his 20's confused and worried about whether a physical approach from his girlfriend meant she wanted sex or affection. I asked if it had improved in his his 30's and he said no, he was still confused and worried, but now he was grateful as well. Sorry, made me laugh SO much 

Tracey xx


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## blueeyedevie (May 19, 2007)

Want sex and get affection, or to want affection and get sex?

This can involve so many things. In a relationship as two people committed both ways can be so painful. I was and still am in a relationship of sorts that, once I thought no matter what I did to this person they would love me. Well somewhere in the mix, the affection I once HATED, is gone completely and all is left is sex. I have a lot of pain over this, in a odd way because I dont want this particular relationship to continue. Due to I have a happy relationship that is positive and ready to move into the next phase of thing. A relationship that has well surpassed the affection level and moved on to needing/wanting more. Of course all in due time, and decreasing of miles between us.
I know people how ever and have been in situations with a person that allows sex and affection to be confused with one another. I also think that this certain person uses sex for lack of affection. I for one hate getting sex when all I want is to be loved. In the past few years there could have been end less one night stands etc, but what good would that have done, when it was affection I craved. Mentality of some people is confusing. Sometimes it is a mentality I wish I possessed. But I do not, balancing a bad relationship and a good relationship is too much for me and I would prefer not to. Much less many relationships with uncertainty on ever corner. For me my final answer would be getting sex when you want affection.


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## Vice Admiral D (May 19, 2007)

A lot of thoughtfulness put into the posts here and the related sex thread.

In the matter of mutual love, a sexual relationship is usually needed/wanted/desired, but that mutual love cannot sustain a lack of affection. 

The common theme of many of these posts is about balance, which cannot be a "cookie cutter" measure, as relationships differ from one another and the needs in each one change. If the balance is tipped because of such changes, it is difficult to cope. Sometimes time is all that is needed to restore the balance or conversation about the subject. Sometimes more drastic measures may need to occur.

It's hard for some couples to be open about this stuff, but maybe the question has to be asked: "Do you want to get it on, or do you want schnookie snuggles?"

The fear people may have is that if you have to ask the person, then they may be offended that you don't "know them"; but we all give mixed signals sometimes and by asking (in your own way) it shows that you are considering your partners needs/wants/desires. 

In love, sometimes no words are needed, but it shouldn't hurt to ask once in a while what somebody wants.

Now, for the jackass comment:
This thread reminded me a a T-Shirt Hell baby shirt that read: "all mommy wanted was a backrub"


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (May 20, 2007)

This thread has made me look deep within myself....and I have realised a few things.

I wanted sex all of the time because it was the only time I would get any sort of physical contact....which made me seem overly sexual and needy.

Now, I have stated my needs to him and asked for change. Now....my cuddling life is great and my sex life is less pressured and forced. 

I would take a really good cuddle over sex any day...but it would have to be a GOOD cuddle, lol, not just a crap hug and kiss.

Sex is still really good, but not getting my needs for affection met was turning me into a nymphatic monster.


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 20, 2007)

I've seen the same characteristics in myself. I've also seen myself mistake sex for love as well. I think a lot of women have done that. 




BigBellySSBBW said:


> This thread has made me look deep within myself....and I have realised a few things.
> 
> I wanted sex all of the time because it was the only time I would get any sort of physical contact....which made me seem overly sexual and needy.
> 
> ...


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## Arrhythmia (May 20, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> I've seen the same characteristics in myself. I've also seen myself mistake sex for love as well. I think a lot of women have done that.



And I would be one of those women, Violet. The main reason why I married my first husband was because he was the first sex I had ever had and I confused that with love.
Now, I am smarter which comes with age, in my case.
But my heart still attaches easily to the one I'm having a physical relationship with and that's simply because I won't sleep with a guy unless I find him to be someone I would consider having a relationship with. I'm not the one night stand type of gal. So, affection is so very important to me. Affection first and if you do it right and affect me _with_ your affections.....then it's on!


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## TCUBOB (May 20, 2007)

I want Soup so bad right now. Seriously. I want throw her on a gong and bang her like a drum and then do it again. Or at least trace my finger all over her body, which might even be better.....:blush: I'm a little embarrassed by my frankness.....

She's dead on in my book. If you don't have affection, you don't have a relationship. And if you don't have affection than someone doesn't truly love you. I'd try to list all the great things that I love under the category of affection, but Soup has done a really good job of it for me and I don't want to take away from the awesomeness of her description.



supersoup said:


> lack of affection would make me wonder about where my significant other's heart and head were, but if i had to choose, i'd take affection. there's nothing better than lazing around with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and doing the awesome stuff...loosely holding hands and running your thumb back and forth across his palm...him stroking your hair at night before you fall asleep...noticing that he always has his hand on that same spot on your hip when you're walking together somewhere...having your hand grabbed and getting a surprise smooch when you're out and about somewhere...and feeling him or her put their hand on your ticklish spot on your side, just because they know it'll make you smile.
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> THAT is the best part of being in a relationship.


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## Waxwing (May 20, 2007)

^^ OMG get a room. And invite me.


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## TCUBOB (May 20, 2007)

I already did, sweetie. Now if Soup will just show up at the side of the road..... 



Waxwing said:


> ^^ OMG get a room. And invite me.


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## BigFriendlyDave (May 20, 2007)

I'm reminded of a line from Ferris Bueller

Cameron's never been in love. At
least no one's ever been in love
with him. He's gonna marry the first
girl he lays. And she's gonna treat
him like shit because he's gonna
kiss her ass for giving him what he's
built-up in his mind as the end-all,
be-all of human existance. She won't
respect him because you can't respect
someone who kisses your ass. It just
doesn't work.

Oh, and that's me to a tee

dX


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## supersoup (May 20, 2007)

TCUBOB said:


> I want Soup so bad right now. Seriously. I want throw her on a gong and bang her like a drum and then do it again. Or at least trace my finger all over her body, which might even be better.....:blush: I'm a little embarrassed by my frankness.....
> 
> She's dead on in my book. If you don't have affection, you don't have a relationship. And if you don't have affection than someone doesn't truly love you. I'd try to list all the great things that I love under the category of affection, but Soup has done a really good job of it for me and I don't want to take away from the awesomeness of her description.





Waxwing said:


> ^^ OMG get a room. And invite me.





TCUBOB said:


> I already did, sweetie. Now if Soup will just show up at the side of the road.....


:blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: 

egads i say.


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 20, 2007)

Waxy...get video for the rest of us, huh?  




Waxwing said:


> ^^ OMG get a room. And invite me.


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## Waxwing (May 20, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Waxy...get video for the rest of us, huh?



You don't even need to ask. It's covered.


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## TCUBOB (May 20, 2007)

I'm holding you to that, you know.....



Waxwing said:


> You don't even need to ask. It's covered.


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 20, 2007)

Ah... a girl after my own heart..... :wubu: 




Waxwing said:


> You don't even need to ask. It's covered.


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## TCUBOB (May 20, 2007)

I think we should invite Violet to come along. What do you think, Waxy? If soup can't come, she can be our stand-in redhead.....



Violet_Beauregard said:


> Ah... a girl after my own heart..... :wubu:


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 20, 2007)

*hands together praying....oh please let me come along, oh please let me come along....*


I'm SO there.... :batting: 





TCUBOB said:


> I think we should invite Violet to come along. What do you think, Waxy? If soup can't come, she can be our stand-in redhead.....


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## toni (May 20, 2007)

Affection without sex is livable. Sex without affection gets boring quick. The physical pleasure of sex is always fun but after awhile I think it gets very lonely and sad without the presence of love.


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## TCUBOB (May 20, 2007)

There are two double beds....I'm sure that they can be pushed together....

Oh, I'm a little too naughty today..... 



Violet_Beauregard said:


> *hands together praying....oh please let me come along, oh please let me come along....*
> 
> 
> I'm SO there.... :batting:


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 20, 2007)

As they say... the more the merrier!  

I'll be right along.... don't start without me.....





TCUBOB said:


> There are two double beds....I'm sure that they can be pushed together....
> 
> Oh, I'm a little too naughty today.....


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## TCUBOB (May 20, 2007)

<cough> Oh Waxy, dear? I may have bitten off a wee more than I can chew here.....a little help?:blush: 




Violet_Beauregard said:


> As they say... the more the merrier!
> 
> I'll be right along.... don't start without me.....


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 20, 2007)

Arrhythmia said:


> And I would be one of those women, Violet. The main reason why I married my first husband was because he was the first sex I had ever had and I confused that with love.
> Now, I am smarter which comes with age, in my case.
> But my heart still attaches easily to the one I'm having a physical relationship with and that's simply because I won't sleep with a guy unless I find him to be someone I would consider having a relationship with. I'm not the one night stand type of gal. So, affection is so very important to me. Affection first and if you do it right and affect me _with_ your affections.....then it's on!



What she said......


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## supersoup (May 21, 2007)

bob and waxy...yer slutty.

i love it.

push those beds together, set up the tripod, and put some quarters in the bed. we're making history kids.


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## Fuzzy (May 21, 2007)

Affection.


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 21, 2007)

Yet another woman after my own heart! :wubu: 




supersoup said:


> bob and waxy...yer slutty.
> 
> i love it.
> 
> push those beds together, set up the tripod, and put some quarters in the bed. we're making history kids.


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## TCUBOB (May 21, 2007)

Both tripods are ready for action, Jackson....

Oh, I did NOT just go there......:blush: I'm so bad.......



supersoup said:


> bob and waxy...yer slutty.
> 
> i love it.
> 
> push those beds together, set up the tripod, and put some quarters in the bed. we're making history kids.


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 21, 2007)

LOLOL... oh yes you did!

 




TCUBOB said:


> Both tripods are ready for action, Jackson....
> 
> Oh, I did NOT just go there......:blush: I'm so bad.......


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## missaf (May 21, 2007)

I would rather have a million warm hugs than sex.


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## TCUBOB (May 21, 2007)

I feel so dirty when all I really want is, to quote Berkeley Breathed, "sweaty snugglebunnies."



Violet_Beauregard said:


> LOLOL... oh yes you did!


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## Allie Cat (May 21, 2007)

TCUBOB said:


> I feel so dirty when all I really want is, to quote Berkeley Breathed, "sweaty snugglebunnies."



I use that word ALL THE TIME. 'Snugglebunnies' is my word for any kind of affectionate contact. 

=Divals


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 21, 2007)

I love that! I have to steal that one.... 






TCUBOB said:


> I feel so dirty when all I really want is, to quote Berkeley Breathed, "sweaty snugglebunnies."





Divals said:


> I use that word ALL THE TIME. 'Snugglebunnies' is my word for any kind of affectionate contact.
> 
> =Divals


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## imfree (May 22, 2007)

Great posts, y'all! It's very reassuring to see affection and intimacy so highly praised.


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## saturdayasusual (May 22, 2007)

Sex is good but affection wins.


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## AnnMarie (May 22, 2007)

I think the way to know for sure is when you're lonely, and you're missing someone.... are you missing full on sex? Or are you missing the looks, the slow touches, the kissing, the gentle but firm hugs, entwining your fingers. 

That's what I miss, that's what I want right now. 

:wubu:


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## imfree (May 22, 2007)

saturdayasusual said:


> Sex is good but affection wins.



I could tell by the pictures, they were awesome.


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## saturdayasusual (May 22, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> I think the way to know for sure is when you're lonely, and you're missing someone.... are you missing full on sex? Or are you missing the looks, the slow touches, the kissing, the gentle but firm hugs, entwining your fingers.
> 
> That's what I miss, that's what I want right now.
> 
> :wubu:



Me too.


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## Forgotten_Futures (May 22, 2007)

For my part, it's been far too long since I've had fingers not mine in my hair, or on my neck. Or chest, for that matter...


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## Waxwing (May 23, 2007)

Sometimes, often in fact, I think it's the sex that I miss the most.

But not right now. Right now I want my hand to be resting on the back of someone's neck. Just gently, so they know that I'm there, and that I love them. 

That's all.


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## Tracyarts (May 23, 2007)

Affection.

Because while sex is great, there are times when for whatever reasons, people are not interested in nor able to have sex. And if sex was the be all and end all, what are you left with? 

And let's be blunt... I can take care of my own sexual needs MUCH more easily and effectively than I can take care of my own affection needs. For some reason battery operated buddies are MUCH more effective at what they do than teddy bears.

Tracy


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## mimosa (May 23, 2007)

For the most part I want affection. But Dammit....... I need the sex part too! I CAN NOT be like Tracyarts and use "battery operated buddies" I need one good man to take care of that. or I am NOT happy.


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## TCUBOB (May 23, 2007)

This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about here, people. Folks think that they'd miss the sex, but I think it is the little things....the little gestures....the affection that you end up REALLY missing.

My $0.02. Which as we have determined, has a value that fluctuates like the weight of a serial yo-you dieter.



Waxwing said:


> Sometimes, often in fact, I think it's the sex that I miss the most.
> 
> But not right now. Right now I want my hand to be resting on the back of someone's neck. Just gently, so they know that I'm there, and that I love them.
> 
> That's all.





saturdayasusual said:


> Me too.





AnnMarie said:


> I think the way to know for sure is when you're lonely, and you're missing someone.... are you missing full on sex? Or are you missing the looks, the slow touches, the kissing, the gentle but firm hugs, entwining your fingers.
> 
> That's what I miss, that's what I want right now.
> 
> :wubu:


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## Tracyarts (May 23, 2007)

mimosa said:


> For the most part I want affection. But Dammit....... I need the sex part too! I CAN NOT be like Tracyarts and use "battery operated buddies" I need one good man to take care of that. or I am NOT happy.



Well, I will definately admit that the real thing is MUCH better than a battery operated buddy, but when there is no real thing around or your real thing is out of commission due to some health or other reason, it gets the job done. 

Tracy


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## imfree (May 23, 2007)

Tracyarts said:


> Affection.
> 
> Because while sex is great, there are times when for whatever reasons, people are not interested in nor able to have sex. And if sex was the be all and end all, what are you left with?
> 
> ...



My point, EXACTLY, Tracy. Sex, when desired and possible,
can even be "cheap" and easy. Affection and intimacy are very special
because they are given out of love from another person.


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## mimosa (May 24, 2007)

Tracyarts said:


> Well, I will definately admit that the real thing is MUCH better than a battery operated buddy, but when there is no real thing around or your real thing is out of commission due to some health or other reason, it gets the job done.
> 
> Tracy



Yup, you're right. So where can I go for a "good buddy"?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 24, 2007)

mimosa said:


> For the most part I want affection. But Dammit....... I need the sex part too! I CAN NOT be like Tracyarts and use "battery operated buddies" I need one good man to take care of that. or I am NOT happy.



I agree with this to a degree- sex with someone you love/care about is affection, too and no toy can give you that feeling


using a toy = masturbation
using a partner = sex


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## BigCutieSasha (May 24, 2007)

Im going to say I need affection more than sex. Sorry for being crude, but you can always satisfy yourself sexually. You can't really give yourself kisses and hugs and hold hands. Well I guess you can, but you would get some really interesting looks Im sure. Affection is by far top dog for me.


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## marlowegarp (May 24, 2007)

OOf. Tough call. Wanting sex and getting affection can definitely suck. But it never 100% sucks. If she's all snuggly and burrowing and you're all randy, you can always just lie back, run your fingers through her hair and smile at the lack of sychronicity (and go take care of it in a couple of hours).

Wanting affection and getting sex is different. At first you're all swept away by it and for a while it seems more real, but later, when she's gone, you're all starin' out the window, mindlessly eating, or playing mopey music, well, that's not so great. So I guess Jonathan Richman's right. Affection is the most important.

*Tim's standard sorry if this is more than you wanted to know disclaimer applies here.


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## BeaBea (May 24, 2007)

marlowegarp said:


> If she's all snuggly and burrowing and you're all randy, you can always just lie back, run your fingers through her hair and smile at the lack of sychronicity (and go take care of it in a couple of hours).



I dont understand. Where is the tutting and sighing? The thrashing about in bed? The 'helpful' nudges of her hand towards your boy bits? The shoving your <ahem> 'enthusiasm' into the small of her back so hard she gets bruises? 

American men must be different 

Tracey xx


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## Tad (May 24, 2007)

BeaBea said:


> I dont understand. Where is the tutting and sighing? The thrashing about in bed? The 'helpful' nudges of her hand towards your boy bits? The shoving your <ahem> 'enthusiasm' into the small of her back so hard she gets bruises?
> 
> American men must be different
> 
> Tracey xx



How about men versus boys (in terms of maturity)?

-Ed


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## James (May 24, 2007)

BeaBea said:


> Within the confines of a relationship is to worse to want sex and get affection, or to want affection and get sex?



both seem kinda disfunctional 'within the confines' of a relationship... but affection is one of the main ways love is shown, continually renewed and re-inforced... and without it, sex would be pretty meaningless... as would be the 'relationship'...

of course, the opposite could be argued but thats my 2 cents


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## BeaBea (May 24, 2007)

James said:


> both seem kinda disfunctional 'within the confines' of a relationship...



 The question wasn't really about a permanent state within the relationship, I just wondered how people felt about which was harder on one of those one-off occasions. I do get your point though

Tracey xx


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## mimosa (May 24, 2007)

James said:


> both seem kinda disfunctional 'within the confines' of a relationship... but affection is one of the main ways love is shown, continually renewed and re-inforced... and without it, sex would be pretty meaningless... as would be the 'relationship'...
> 
> of course, the opposite could be argued but thats my 2 cents



I get what you are saying and I agree.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (May 26, 2007)

Ok after a weeklong experiment...I will have to say affection wins hands down!!! And when the affection is good, the need for sex is less...yay!


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 26, 2007)

I did the same type of experiment on a smaller scale (a couple of days).... I agree affection definitely wins... 





BigBellySSBBW said:


> Ok after a weeklong experiment...I will have to say affection wins hands down!!! And when the affection is good, the need for sex is less...yay!


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## diggers1917 (May 26, 2007)

Using one to get the other means you lose both (though I'm defining 'affection' as emotion and 'sex' as forms of contact/intimacy).
The ideal situation then is surely one where the two concepts cannot be defined seperately, as they become the same thing. If they occur seperately something is ascew. Having said that, if I had to choose between the two I'd prefer the feelings to be there than for meaningless contact.

Yes, I have no idea what I'm talking about.


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## imfree (May 26, 2007)

Lot'sa big, warm, and tender HUGGZZ to all the girls who voted 
"affection is best"!


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## Koldun (May 26, 2007)

Affection. Sometimes I really need a hug. Furthermore, I had a relationship with no affection and lots of sex. I came to resent it.


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 26, 2007)

I did too, and I resented it as well. 




Koldun said:


> Affection. Sometimes I really need a hug. Furthermore, *I had a relationship with no affection and lots of sex. I came to resent it*.


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## Canonista (May 26, 2007)

I love affection, but after being surrounded in a movie theater lobby filled with women wearing short skirts and tank tops I NEED SEX! 

My GF isn't available tonight. I'm gonna explode!


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## Koldun (May 26, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> I did too, and I resented it as well.



I can't even begin to describe how much it sucked. 

*Hugs*


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 26, 2007)

No need to describe... I know the feeling....  

*Hugs back*




Koldun said:


> I can't even begin to describe how much it sucked.
> 
> *Hugs*


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## This1Yankee (May 27, 2007)

Right now, in this moment, on this day....

Sex. Animalistic, instinctual, scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs sex.


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