# article - The Reason I Won't Mention My Size On Dating Apps



## fuelingfire (Aug 28, 2017)

http://www.refinery29.com/plus-size-women-dating-app-profile

I found this from Plus Model Magazines Facebook pages link. Its by Laura Delarato. These are my thoughts on the article, but was wondering what others thought. 

As a FA I cringed while reading a lot of this article.

It makes full sense for her to want to be seen as a woman rather than a fat woman. Despite how much I write on Dims about fat women, I usually dont think of any of my partners that I have had as being fat either. Its not a rejection of any of their sizes, its just not part of most of my thinking.

Most fat women I know (IRL) who are having trouble finding relationships, face the same issue. When they meet the guy they met online, they get something like I didnt realize you were this big. Or something very similar. And never hear from the guy again. Even when they make sure there is at least one unflattering picture displaying them as fat, or state they are fat in their profile. I sometimes recommend Feabie, but its strongly based upon what the woman says she hopes for.

I do think she should write off guys, whose first message is, I love BBWs As I would assume they are trying for a booty call. No evidence on that, but its not hard to try to get a feeling of a person before commenting on the physical.

Im very much known for my act-first dating method  basically going up to people at bars and saying, Hi, Im Laura. Youre super cute. Im sitting over at the bar if you think Im cute and want to keep chatting. Well doing that shows tons of confidence. Its attractive to both women and men.

I do like that she seems to like making non-FAs realize that they can be attracted to fat women. But she does seem to crap on FAs. Some of it might just be writing style. I am a FA but not some sort of hero to all fat women. If someone gives you that sense, its a good idea to avoid them. I definitely agree with her, dont settle message.


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## loopytheone (Aug 28, 2017)

Urg, no, I don't like people like her, people that seem to insist they are better and more important than everyone else, which is the tone I get very strongly from her article. 

"How dare you judge me on my appearance and not my interests!" she is basically saying whilst I'm sure she swipes no to plenty of people just on the basis that she doesn't find them attractive. There's nothing wrong with appearance being important in your partner. But that's just it, it's a personal thing; your partner has to be attractive _to you_ and that's all that matters.

Women that are negative towards FA make me cringe. They think they are so empowered, when what they are actually doing is rejecting anybody that openly prefers their appearance. It would be the same as a guy rejecting any woman that is openly straight because she just likes him 'for being a man'. It's ridiculous and on some level says something about their actual self confidence/self worth because they reject so strongly being loved and admired.

I could never be with a person that isn't a FA. Not because I'm fat - I have plenty of non-FAs like me - but because I'm not willing to be 'accepted' when I could be loved or adored. Anybody that is with me better damn well think I'm the hottest thing they've ever seen, want to rave about my body and think I'm incredible and I refuse to settle for someone 'accepting' my body instead.

Honestly, she seems to sum up something I see a lot in people with (limited) public attention. There is a tendency to be both arrogant/conceited and have low confidence. Sounds contradictory but arrogance is something you have on the outside; thinking you are better than other people, thinking you are a role model or people should be like you. Confidence is an internal thing; knowing that you are amazing and incredible on your own, regardless of what other people think. 

Confidence is attractive and healthy, arrogance is about the biggest turn off in the world for me.


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## Tad (Aug 28, 2017)

I have some sympathy with her, as for sure over the years around this community I've seen some FA that have some fairly demeaning beliefs (not usually stated in so many words, but coming down to one or more of "Fat girls are easy" "Fatties are more sexual" (or sometimes "orally fixated"), or "I'm hot, they aren't, they should be grateful for my attention"). I have a suspicion that guys with attitudes like that are more apt to be on the market, either because they are just looking for sex and not a full relationship, or because they wear out their welcome pretty quickly when they do end up in a relationship. So it would not surprise me if people like that form a disproportionate amount of replies that you'd get on a dating app if you advertise that you are bigger.

For that matter, I agree with her strategy of trying to meet people in real life, where there is less self-selection than with dating apps. And I love that she phrases it 'it you think I'm cute too' which creates the assumption that she feels that she can be seen as cute, with no modifiers on that term.

But she loses with me with how she seems to dismiss entire chunks of the population. Maybe it isn't intentional, maybe it is just the style of speaking/writing that she's absorbed from others. But I did feel kind of talked down to, which is generally annoying.


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## fuelingfire (Aug 28, 2017)

loopytheone said:


> I could never be with a person that isn't a FA. Not because I'm fat - I have plenty of non-FAs like me - but because I'm not willing to be 'accepted' when I could be loved or adored. Anybody that is with me better damn well think I'm the hottest thing they've ever seen, want to rave about my body and think I'm incredible and I refuse to settle for someone 'accepting' my body instead.



Loopy, that is by far my favorite quote by you, that I can remember. :bow: In all of my relationships with fat women, that is how I felt. Even if my partner was completely down on how she looked. Its just odd to have a partner say something around the lines of, I dont get what you see. I dont need a medal as a reward for being a FA.

She has strong hints of body positivity, mangled with mixed messages. I have a feeling that tone might be more accepted by mainstream media or social media, as it is fairly common. With body positivity, your partner should kind of be irrelevant. Its not a reason to say dont settle for a FA.

The tone of confidence and arrogant wavers back and forth for sure. I went back to Facebook to see the reactions to the story. Every comment either says, they state they are fat, or the get negative reactions to not stating they are fat when they meet in person. Her take on not saying you are fat is interesting. But I feel, from many discussions I have been part of, most fat woman should put it in their profile, even if they are not looking for a FA. Its really hard to judge from a photo how big a person is.

She has a video on the same site, for me it was the related video on the bottom of the page. At the end of the video, she places billboards in Manhattan that show attractive (thin, sorry) guy with her in sexual poses saying things like "fat girls. skinny guys. it happens" I see two sides to this. Part of it is a message dont settle, but the second is that it is implied she should want a thin guy, a bit of a back hand to BHMs.


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## fuelingfire (Aug 28, 2017)

Tad said:


> I have some sympathy with her, as for sure over the years around this community I've seen some FA that have some fairly demeaning beliefs (not usually stated in so many words, but coming down to one or more of "Fat girls are easy" "Fatties are more sexual" (or sometimes "orally fixated"), or "I'm hot, they aren't, they should be grateful for my attention"). I have a suspicion that guys with attitudes like that are more apt to be on the market, either because they are just looking for sex and not a full relationship, or because they wear out their welcome pretty quickly when they do end up in a relationship. So it would not surprise me if people like that form a disproportionate amount of replies that you'd get on a dating app if you advertise that you are bigger.
> 
> For that matter, I agree with her strategy of trying to meet people in real life, where there is less self-selection than with dating apps. And I love that she phrases it 'it you think I'm cute too' which creates the assumption that she feels that she can be seen as cute, with no modifiers on that term.
> 
> But she loses with me with how she seems to dismiss entire chunks of the population. Maybe it isn't intentional, maybe it is just the style of speaking/writing that she's absorbed from others. But I did feel kind of talked down to, which is generally annoying.



I think a lot of those types are the same as the guys who just want to have sex, and dont care much about with who. A lot of thin women also put up with similar comments not relating to being fat.


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## BigElectricKat (Aug 28, 2017)

loopytheone said:


> I could never be with a person that isn't a FA. Not because I'm fat - I have plenty of non-FAs like me - but because I'm not willing to be 'accepted' when I could be loved or adored. Anybody that is with me better damn well think I'm the hottest thing they've ever seen, want to rave about my body and think I'm incredible and I refuse to settle for someone 'accepting' my body instead.



So, if you lost weight for some reason (medical/health, illness, stranded on a desserted island with nothing to eat but fish and berries for 10 months) and you were no longer fat, would you be upset if your loving, adoring FA suddenly didn't want to be with you anymore?


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## fuelingfire (Aug 28, 2017)

BigElectricKat said:


> So, if you lost weight for some reason (medical/health, illness, stranded on a desserted island with nothing to eat but fish and berries for 10 months) and you were no longer fat, would you be upset if your loving, adoring FA suddenly didn't want to be with you anymore?



That is a difficult question. You will find many people have different feelings on it.


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## Rawrman (Aug 28, 2017)

BigElectricKat said:


> So, if you lost weight for some reason (medical/health, illness, stranded on a desserted island with nothing to eat but fish and berries for 10 months) and you were no longer fat, would you be upset if your loving, adoring FA suddenly didn't want to be with you anymore?



Okay, first off this is kinda completely away from the topic at hand here. This is about how some fatter women view FAs in relation to themselves, not how an FA might view a woman in relation to his own wants.

Secondly, it's also a bit rude in the sense that you're insinuating there wouldn't be anything else that matters in the relationship to the FA other than how fat she is. Which, even if that was the case, isn't a relationship worth having anyway.

And lastly, your entire point is moot anyway because no, I wouldn't leave her or not want to be with her anymore for something like that.


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## loopytheone (Aug 28, 2017)

Rawrman said:


> Okay, first off this is kinda completely away from the topic at hand here. This is about how some fatter women view FAs in relation to themselves, not how an FA might view a woman in relation to his own wants.
> 
> Secondly, it's also a bit rude in the sense that you're insinuating there wouldn't be anything else that matters in the relationship to the FA other than how fat she is. Which, even if that was the case, isn't a relationship worth having anyway.
> 
> And lastly, your entire point is moot anyway because no, I wouldn't leave her or not want to be with her anymore for something like that.



The loving, adoring FA himself emerges from the shadows!


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## BigElectricKat (Aug 28, 2017)

Rawrman said:


> Okay, first off this is kinda completely away from the topic at hand here. This is about how some fatter women view FAs in relation to themselves, not how an FA might view a woman in relation to his own wants.
> 
> Secondly, it's also a bit rude in the sense that you're insinuating there wouldn't be anything else that matters in the relationship to the FA other than how fat she is. Which, even if that was the case, isn't a relationship worth having anyway.
> 
> And lastly, your entire point is moot anyway because no, I wouldn't leave her or not want to be with her anymore for something like that.



How am I rude? I'm asking a questuion based on the information given. If loopy says that she wouldn't be with someone who isn't an FA (which I concede is her choice) and something happens to where, through no fault of her own (or maybe she just wants a change) and she is no longer considered fat, would that be grounds to end the relationship? 

What if there's a person who is not an FA but totally adores and loves her for who she is rather than what her outer shell looks like? What if they just love the essence of you and think that the world revolves around you and would "ride or die" no matter what? Does it mean that that person doesn't get any conderation just because they don't profess to be FA? Better yet, what if they tell you they are but after sometime in a wonderful relationship, you find they aren't? That they just love YOU?

Lastly, I take umbrage that you assume it's a moot point. It's just a question based on the statement. I want to learn and asked the question for that purpose. Of course, you, I, and most everybody else would presume that a couple will have more that size as a basis for a relationship. But I wondered if anyone ever had that issue arise. It wasn't an attack, just a question.


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## loopytheone (Aug 28, 2017)

BigElectricKat said:


> How am I rude? I'm asking a questuion based on the information given. If loopy says that she wouldn't be with someone who isn't an FA (which I concede is her choice) and something happens to where, through no fault of her own (or maybe she just wants a change) and she is no longer considered fat, would that be grounds to end the relationship?
> *
> What if there's a person who is not an FA but totally adores and loves her for who she is rather than what her outer shell looks like? What if they just love the essence of you and think that the world revolves around you and would "ride or die" no matter what? Does it mean that that person doesn't get any conderation just because they don't profess to be FA? Better yet, what if they tell you they are but after sometime in a wonderful relationship, you find they aren't? That they just love YOU?*
> 
> Lastly, I take umbrage that you assume it's a moot point. It's just a question based on the statement. I want to learn and asked the question for that purpose. Of course, you, I, and most everybody else would presume that a couple will have more that size as a basis for a relationship. But I wondered if anyone ever had that issue arise. It wasn't an attack, just a question.



The issue is that you are assuming the stuff I highlighted is in some way mutually exclusive with being an FA. That an FA can't totally adore me and love me for who I am and all that stuff. I can absolutely assure you that a person can be an FA and also love and adore me for who I am. Being an FA doesn't mean you are shallow, objectifying or that you only use people for your pleasure.

I just want a person who is _both_ an FA and madly in love with me.


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## BigElectricKat (Aug 28, 2017)

loopytheone said:


> The issue is that you are assuming the stuff I highlighted is in some way mutually exclusive with being an FA. That an FA can't totally adore me and love me for who I am and all that stuff. I can absolutely assure you that a person can be an FA and also love and adore me for who I am. Being an FA doesn't mean you are shallow, objectifying or that you only use people for your pleasure.
> 
> I just want a person who is _both_ an FA and madly in love with me.




First, I want to say that I am sorry if I offended anyone in any way. That was not my intent at all. I simply was asking a question from the perspective of being outside and looking in. There is no need to be defensive.

In this medium, it is often hard for the full meaning or intent to be gleaned simply from the written word. By asking this "what if" scenario, I hoped to get some perspective from all of you. I wasn't attempting to demean you or imply that someone, FA or not, couldn't love you for you. I honestly want to know and for anyone who cares to acknowledge, if a person checks all the boxes except for being an FA and the love you madly, deeply, truly, is that a reason to reject or otherwise not pursue a relationship with them? MUST someone be an FA or is that just icing on the cake so to speak? That's really what I'm getting at.

I thought that this was a place of acceptance and enlightenment. I asking to be both accepted and enlightened but I'm feeling neither.


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## Tad (Aug 28, 2017)

Kat: taking one part of a positive post and throwing it back as a negative is generally not going to get you positive responses. 

Man, the (ball team) is having a great season! Those trades they made are really paying off.
- They traded away all their picks and prospects, don't you think they are going to suck in a couple of years?

I'm going to have that dessert, it looks amazing!
- That much sugar is bound to rough on your system, don't you think you'll be happier in a couple of hours if you don't have it.

Check out my new car, I got a great deal on it because the new model year is coming in.
- That means that the depreciation just hits faster.

It may not have been intentional, but you were kind of doing the proverbial looking for the shit lining on the silver cloud. And this is a size acceptance site, doesn't mean that all behavior is accepted.

Now, I do believe that you didn't set out to offend, that you were not trolling. But it also isn't the first time that you've fallen into this pattern.


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## loopytheone (Aug 28, 2017)

BigElectricKat said:


> First, I want to say that I am sorry if I offended anyone in any way. That was not my intent at all. I simply was asking a question from the perspective of being outside and looking in. There is no need to be defensive.
> 
> In this medium, it is often hard for the full meaning or intent to be gleaned simply from the written word. By asking this "what if" scenario, I hoped to get some perspective from all of you. I wasn't attempting to demean you or imply that someone, FA or not, couldn't love you for you. I honestly want to know and for anyone who cares to acknowledge, if a person checks all the boxes except for being an FA and the love you madly, deeply, truly, is that a reason to reject or otherwise not pursue a relationship with them? MUST someone be an FA or is that just icing on the cake so to speak? That's really what I'm getting at.
> 
> I thought that this was a place of acceptance and enlightenment. I asking to be both accepted and enlightened but I'm feeling neither.



I don't know how your reading what I put, but I'm not being defensive. Mostly as I have nothing to be defensive about. You asked how/why you were coming across as rude and I was trying to answer your question. 

I don't know how to better answer you here because I don't understand what you are asking. If you are asking if I would break up with a person I deeply loved just because they happen to not be an FA then no, of course not. But true, deep love is something that takes time to build and develop and so it isn't a factor in choosing a partner. You don't have a deep, loving relationship with somebody that you've never met/dated etc before. Choosing whether or not to date a person is very different to already being in a strong and loving relationship with them. 

I don't doubt that there are plenty of people out there in the world that could love me very much if given the chance. But in choosing between a person who loves me deeply and accepts my body and a person that loves me deeply and adores my body? I'm always going to for the person that adores my body and I don't see any reason why anybody would want the former when they can have the latter.


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## BigElectricKat (Aug 28, 2017)

loopytheone said:


> I don't know how your reading what I put, but I'm not being defensive. Mostly as I have nothing to be defensive about. You asked how/why you were coming across as rude and I was trying to answer your question.
> 
> I don't know how to better answer you here because I don't understand what you are asking. If you are asking if I would break up with a person I deeply loved just because they happen to not be an FA then no, of course not. But true, deep love is something that takes time to build and develop and so it isn't a factor in choosing a partner. You don't have a deep, loving relationship with somebody that you've never met/dated etc before. Choosing whether or not to date a person is very different to already being in a strong and loving relationship with them.
> 
> I don't doubt that there are plenty of people out there in the world that could love me very much if given the chance. But in choosing between a person who loves me deeply and accepts my body and a person that loves me deeply and adores my body? I'm always going to for the person that adores my body and I don't see any reason why anybody would want the former when they can have the latter.



You answered my question thoroughly. Consider me enlightened. There is a personal reason I asked the question (and not very well I concede). But that's for another time and place. Thanks for your input and again, sorry if I came off as spinning your statement in a negative way. It was not meant to be so.


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## LoveBHMS (Aug 28, 2017)

BigElectricKat said:


> So, if you lost weight for some reason (medical/health, illness, stranded on a desserted island with nothing to eat but fish and berries for 10 months) and you were no longer fat, would you be upset if your loving, adoring FA suddenly didn't want to be with you anymore?



I'm going to quote the late great Conrad on this one. If your relationship falls apart over something like weight loss, it was going to fall apart anyway.

And the woman in the article sounds like an arrogant bitch. I wonder if she totally disregards a man's looks when choosing a date. I'm guessing not. She comes off as one of those "I deserve a conventionally attractive man!" types. Which totally disrespects BHM.


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## landshark (Aug 28, 2017)

Great find, FF. I can legitimately see both sides, though I am inclined to agree more with you and Loopy on this one. Nobody is entitled to another's attraction. That she'd be upset that people are is indeed a symptom of arrogance. 

At the same time I can understand why she'd pass on guys whose opening lines are "I like fat girls." No woman wants to be dated because she's a fat girl, rather she likely just wants to be treated like a normal girl. I think this is the writer's point, though it's easy to lose it in all the sanctimony. 

Also, I used to be one of those guys who'd blurt out that I liked fat girls. I thought it would be endearing maybe? (Ok I really don't know what I was thinking!) suffice to say I had to learn to communicate better. It was ok to be honest about what I liked but I found I couldn't and shouldn't be pursuing them BECAUSE of their weight. That made them an object not a person. It was a learning curve but I came out ok.


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## waldo (Aug 29, 2017)

Two portions of this article that stand out:

" But I’m reminded on a daily basis through messages, DMs, and even personal emails that to find me attractive is fetish-based — something I should _[FONT=&quot]apparently[/FONT]_ be grateful for because plus-size bodies are still not considered sexy or good enough to date without creating a red flag. (And if you do find me sexy, you should _[FONT=&quot]obviously [/FONT]_receive a fucking gold-medal for your wokeness.)"

" There’s this misconception in online dating that plus women can’t have standards, value, confidence. We can’t just be looking for a date, a hook-up, a side-piece. We don’t deserve a chance, we aren’t good enough, and we should be happy for any attention that we get."

While she has gone on record as saying she believes fat women's bodies can be sexy (see her other article titled "Plus-size women are still not considered sexy - and that's a problem"), she seems to equate an attraction for those women's bodies as being 'fetish-based'. That is not logical. She needs to accept basic human nature. Some people are attracted to thin, some are attracted to fat. Some are heterosexual, some are homosexual. It is what it is. It’s not about &#8216;wokeness’ or any other SJW gobbledygook. She seems to have such a low opinion of fat admirers, so she equates accepting attention from us as desperation on a fat woman's part. 

Interestingly at the end of the article she says:
"It’s the reason I’m not currently on dating sites dedicated to plus-dating and fat-admirers like WooPlus. I know a lot of people that have had success finding what they’re looking for there, but it doesn’t give me the opportunity to change a person’s mind or question their biases."

So she is more interested in 'changing peoples minds' than finding a nice attractive FA to have a relationship with? I would feel sorry for her, but her disdain for FAs makes that difficult.


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## LoveBHMS (Aug 29, 2017)

As an aside, I also need to say I loathe it when fetishes are disrespected. Having a sexual fetish does not mean you are rude, dishonest, mean, or manipulative. You can be totally vanilla sexually and be all of those things. You can also be a hard core fetishist and be polite, honest, and respectful towards others. Having a fat fetish does not mean you masturbate to amorphous blobs of fat. Maybe it means you'll hook up only with fat women, but so what? Nearly everyone has parameters....they may be about looks, income, education, geography, religion, or political affiliation. It rarely means "I will sleep with anyone that's wealthy/socially liberal/Catholic" but it may mean you won't consider anyone without those qualities.


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## fuelingfire (Aug 29, 2017)

waldo said:


> Two portions of this article that stand out:
> 
> " But Im reminded on a daily basis through messages, DMs, and even personal emails that to find me attractive is fetish-based  something I should _[FONT=&quot]apparently[/FONT]_ be grateful for because plus-size bodies are still not considered sexy or good enough to date without creating a red flag. (And if you do find me sexy, you should _[FONT=&quot]obviously [/FONT]_receive a fucking gold-medal for your wokeness.)"
> 
> ...



I havent used WooPlus or Tinder. But WooPlus is usually referred to as Fat-Tinder. Tinder is more for hooking up than dating. Some people due try to date who they meet on there. A lot of guys admit to swipping right on every profile in the hopes of getting laid (tinder). I havent really heard many reviews for WooPlus.

Of all the online options for dating, regardless of size, if you are not looking for sex first and foremost, that might not be the way to go.
I think its cool she wants to try to get to like a thinner-fat girl, when normally they wouldnt have been interested. But it sounds like they are tolerating her size.


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## fuelingfire (Aug 29, 2017)

happily_married said:


> Great find, FF. I can legitimately see both sides, though I am inclined to agree more with you and Loopy on this one. Nobody is entitled to another's attraction. That she'd be upset that people are is indeed a symptom of arrogance.
> 
> At the same time I can understand why she'd pass on guys whose opening lines are "I like fat girls." No woman wants to be dated because she's a fat girl, rather she likely just wants to be treated like a normal girl. I think this is the writer's point, though it's easy to lose it in all the sanctimony.
> 
> Also, I used to be one of those guys who'd blurt out that I liked fat girls. I thought it would be endearing maybe? (Ok I really don't know what I was thinking!) suffice to say I had to learn to communicate better. It was ok to be honest about what I liked but I found I couldn't and shouldn't be pursuing them BECAUSE of their weight. That made them an object not a person. It was a learning curve but I came out ok.



Lol, well I never really blurted it out. While in high school dating jock girls, there were a few times when talking a different fat girls in private where I did mention, I like fat chicks. Now my flirting at the time was also not that strong. But the reactions I got were not what I expected. Silence/subject change/shock. When I did finally come out, I decided to treat them the same as I did thin women I know it sounds obvious now. But it wasnt then. Now its, just keep flirting till they ask or reject you.


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## fuelingfire (Aug 29, 2017)

LoveBHMS said:


> As an aside, I also need to say I loathe it when fetishes are disrespected. Having a sexual fetish does not mean you are rude, dishonest, mean, or manipulative. You can be totally vanilla sexually and be all of those things. You can also be a hard core fetishist and be polite, honest, and respectful towards others. Having a fat fetish does not mean you masturbate to amorphous blobs of fat. Maybe it means you'll hook up only with fat women, but so what? Nearly everyone has parameters....they may be about looks, income, education, geography, religion, or political affiliation. It rarely means "I will sleep with anyone that's wealthy/socially liberal/Catholic" but it may mean you won't consider anyone without those qualities.



I fully get what you are saying. As a main stream author, aiming for some sort of size-acceptance article, she did choose a poor way of saying dont settle.


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## waldo (Aug 30, 2017)

LoveBHMS said:


> As an aside, I also need to say I loathe it when fetishes are disrespected. Having a sexual fetish does not mean you are rude, dishonest, mean, or manipulative. You can be totally vanilla sexually and be all of those things. You can also be a hard core fetishist and be polite, honest, and respectful towards others. Having a fat fetish does not mean you masturbate to amorphous blobs of fat. Maybe it means you'll hook up only with fat women, but so what? Nearly everyone has parameters....they may be about looks, income, education, geography, religion, or political affiliation. It rarely means "I will sleep with anyone that's wealthy/socially liberal/Catholic" but it may mean you won't consider anyone without those qualities.



I don't have a problem with your post BUT it is debatable whether being an FA constitutes a 'fetish'. Fetish is generally defined as "sexual fascination with nonliving objects or highly specific body parts". If a hetero male FA (in general) is attracted to the female form but just 'prefers' all the parts of his partners body to be larger, it does not necessarily fit this definition of fetish. Fat admiration could potentially be categorized as a type of paraphilia, which can be defined as : "Paraphilias are emotional disorders that are defined as sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors that are recurrent, intense, occur over a period of at least six months, and cause significant distress or interfere with the sufferers work, social function, or other important areas of functioning."

HOWEVER, because fat admiration can be lived out with a receptive partner who is able to accept this 'preference' and result in a generally normal relationship, why is it anything other than "sexual variants, which are sexual behaviors that are not typical but are not a part of any illness."?

http://www.medicinenet.com/paraphilia/article.htm

*Bottom line: if homosexual relationships are now normalized in our society, why shouldn't FA / fat partner relationships be similarly normalized ??
*


fuelingfire said:


> I havent used WooPlus or Tinder. But WooPlus is usually referred to as Fat-Tinder. Tinder is more for hooking up than dating. Some people due try to date who they meet on there. A lot of guys admit to swipping right on every profile in the hopes of getting laid (tinder). I havent really heard many reviews for WooPlus.
> 
> Of all the online options for dating, regardless of size, if you are not looking for sex first and foremost, that might not be the way to go.
> I think its cool she wants to try to get to like a thinner-fat girl, when normally they wouldnt have been interested. But it sounds like they are tolerating her size.



I have to disagree about it being "cool" that she wants to get men to be attracted to a fat woman. To me, this is not much different from trying to get a homosexual man to fall in love with her - doomed to failure! It's like the old square peg/round hole metaphor. As you said very well, most likely they are going to only 'tolerate' her size (maybe hope she loses weight?). Loopy has the right idea here: EVERYONE deserves to have a partner who thinks they are hot stuff.

As for online dating services: I can't speak from personal experience. Having been in a relationship since 1996 (married for 19+ years), I have not used these services, BUT my impression is that they can be very helpful. Regardless of whether one uses a regular online dating service or one more geared toward BBW, there is generally going to be an option to specify one's body type/shape, height, weight, etc. Accurately (honestly) filling out these options can help narrow things down so that the right people are matched up. OF COURSE many other factors must click to make for a successful relationship, but we need to have that physical attraction spark to get things rolling and keep it stoked. Anything else is just a pipedream of deluded individuals.


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## Blockierer (Aug 30, 2017)

waldo said:


> ...
> As for online dating services: I can't speak from personal experience. Having been in a relationship since 1996 (married for 19+ years), I have not used these services, BUT my impression is that they can be very helpful. Regardless of whether one uses a regular online dating service or one more geared toward BBW, there is generally going to be an option to specify one's body type/shape, height, weight, etc. Accurately (honestly) filling out these options can help narrow things down so that the right people are matched up. OF COURSE many other factors must click to make for a successful relationship, but we need to have that physical attraction spark to get things rolling and keep it stoked. Anything else is just a pipedream of deluded individuals.


In my experience it's much easier for FAs and for those who are fat to find the right partner online, preferable in a website for FA/BBW (e.g. Dimensions forums, ..). I met my wife online. I placed an ad with full body pic and stated that I wanted a fat woman from 300 lbs to  . We are in relationship for 14 years now. I'm very proud of me that I was able to realize my dream of having a fat wife. If fat admiration is a fetish then I we both are very happy with this fetish. :happy:


waldo said:


> ...
> *Bottom line: if homosexual relationships are now normalized in our society, why shouldn't FA / fat partner relationships be similarly normalized ??*
> ...


This question could be the topic of another tread. But I have serious concerns that the thread will have no contributions. 

View attachment fat requiremen 2t.jpg


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## fuelingfire (Aug 30, 2017)

waldo said:


> I don't have a problem with your post BUT it is debatable whether being an FA constitutes a 'fetish'. Fetish is generally defined as "sexual fascination with nonliving objects or highly specific body parts". If a hetero male FA (in general) is attracted to the female form but just 'prefers' all the parts of his partners body to be larger, it does not necessarily fit this definition of fetish. Fat admiration could potentially be categorized as a type of paraphilia, which can be defined as : "Paraphilias are emotional disorders that are defined as sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors that are recurrent, intense, occur over a period of at least six months, and cause significant distress or interfere with the sufferers work, social function, or other important areas of functioning."
> 
> HOWEVER, because fat admiration can be lived out with a receptive partner who is able to accept this 'preference' and result in a generally normal relationship, why is it anything other than "sexual variants, which are sexual behaviors that are not typical but are not a part of any illness."?
> 
> ...



For clarification: I am pro-fat dating sites. I really like Feabie. The example she used was WooPlus, which is a fat version of the hookup app Tinder. Which leads me to think WooPlus might not be the best way to get into a relationship. Some people (or many, I am not certain) do try to make the jump from hooking up to then dating. She was probably leaning away from Feabie, due to Feabie pushing itself as feeder/feedees first, FAs BBWS (FFAs BHMs) secondly. WooPlus maybe effective, but I am suspicious. 

Before using Feabie, I was on Match and OkCupid. I was contacted by a lot of women. What did they have in common, they completely ignored that I stated I wanted a plus-size or fat and fabulous partner, whatever the options were on each site. I would say for every fat woman that would contact me, I would say 20 thin women would send PMs. It is possible that some of these women may have been using picture of when they were thinner, but if so none of them made that distinction to me. A lot of people say online dating is loaded with fat people. That has not been my experience.

To me the big advantage of a fat dating site is that the fat women who join have mostlikely already decided they would like to date a FA. I dont have do a subtle dance of properly breaking it to whoever I am talking to, after spending time getting to know the person. There is a lot more to a relationship than just having a fat partner, but I want to search a pool of fat people for a partner.


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## StrugglingWriter (Aug 30, 2017)

I have a perspective to add from the point of view of my story.

In Something's Gotta Give, I set out to do a weight gain story that brings realism to a fantasy situation--that is, the classic gorgeous Freshman-15 protagonist who gains an unrealistic amount of weight in a short time. Dare I reveal it here, but in trying to bring realism to the scenario I have had to keep a number of devices in mind, but there is one device that is more important than all the others in the story:

Kelly's fat (size, weight, etc.) is one of the characters in the story.

Why? I didn't set out with that idea. But it's the idea that reflects reality. Kelly's fat (weight, size, etc.) affects everything about her life: her relationships, her finances, her direction in life, her friends, where and how she sits, what and where and how she eats, what she wears and how and where she shops, her role at parties and in her job, a ton of things not even broached yet--everything. Kelly even has to relate to her own fat as she grapples with the changes in her body and therefore her life.

This is just the way it is. Look around this site at all the things people say about their weight or weight in general. It runs the gamut of life.

So if someone is looking to date you, whether or not you are fat is a part of the equation. So this woman's idea that she wants to not have to point out her fat? Well, anyone she dates will have to relate to her fat, so whatever she has to do to faithfully represent herself she should do, to a reasonable degree.

I have a lot more to say along these lines, but I thought this idea might be relevant for discussion.


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## StrugglingWriter (Aug 30, 2017)

BigElectricKat said:


> So, if you lost weight for some reason (medical/health, illness, stranded on a desserted island with nothing to eat but fish and berries for 10 months) and you were no longer fat, would you be upset if your loving, adoring FA suddenly didn't want to be with you anymore?



It's a provocative question, as Tad and others have pointed out, but it's also a fantastic one for exploring the boundaries of some of the ideas expressed.


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## Tad (Aug 30, 2017)

StrugglingWriter said:


> It's a provocative question, as Tad and others have pointed out, but it's also a fantastic one for exploring the boundaries of some of the ideas expressed.



I guess to me that the question sets up a false equivalence. Perhaps better was if you'd gone on a few dates, then something happened keeping the two of you out of touch for a while during which time you lost a weight, and you made contact again and the FA who had been so eager to get to know you was no longer so interested.

Once a relationship has some substantial history to it, hopefully it no longer depends on any one factor, even one as big as sexual attraction. For a longer term relationship to fall apart just because some of that attractiveness (from one partner's POV) goes away is going to cut deeper because it suggests that all the rest, things you likely thought were real connections and meant something, apparently didn't really matter much.


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## landshark (Aug 30, 2017)

StrugglingWriter said:


> So if someone is looking to date you, whether or not you are fat is a part of the equation. So this woman's idea that she wants to not have to point out her fat? Well, anyone she dates will have to relate to her fat, so whatever she has to do to faithfully represent herself she should do, to a reasonable degree.



You raise a lot of good points but I only partially agree with this conclusion. A fat woman's weight may indeed influence every facet of her life but it may not define her as a person. In this regard I can see why the author of that article just wants to be treated like a normal woman. Her weight is part of who she is, but it isn't WHO she is. When someone approaches her with "I love fat girls!" Or even a less blunt version of that it sends a message they define her differently than she defines herself. It's not surprising she'd reject these guys. While I maintain Loopy's critique about physical attraction is fair, the writer's idea that some men will pass on a person with whom they're otherwise a great fit, and will do so over weight, is a true observation. I can see why that would be frustrating to her and others who are wired like her.


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## LoveBHMS (Aug 30, 2017)

But it can't be uncommon to have one or more parameters. If you were super religious you might relate only to those of your faith. Would it be so odd to hear somebody say "I could never sleep with anyone that voted for Trump" or "I grew up with an alcoholic parent, I won't go near anyone that drinks" or "I hate kids so if you're a single parent that's a dealbreaker." The writer seems to have too much self esteem...IOW she wants to bypass men who dislike fat women because she's sure once they get to know her, they'll overlook her size.


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## AmandaLynn (Aug 30, 2017)

loopytheone said:


> I'm not willing to be 'accepted' when I could be loved or adored.



Best thing ever!


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## waldo (Aug 30, 2017)

Blockierer said:


> In my experience it's much easier for FAs and for those who are fat to find the right partner online, preferable in a website for FA/BBW (e.g. Dimensions forums, ..). I met my wife online. I placed an ad with full body pic and stated that I wanted a fat woman from 300 lbs to  . We are in relationship for 14 years now. I'm very proud of me that I was able to realize my dream of having a fat wife. If fat admiration is a fetish then I we both are very happy with this fetish. :happy:
> 
> This question could be the topic of another tread. But I have serious concerns that the thread will have no contributions.



Yeah it's a shame that FA 'issues' remain underexplored. But how many times have we seen people even here on Dimensions scoff at the idea that we have much social stigma to overcome and it is just 'in our heads'. That's a great picture of you and your wife! You both look very contented. 



fuelingfire said:


> For clarification: I am pro-fat dating sites. I really like Feabie. The example she used was WooPlus, which is a fat version of the hookup app Tinder. Which leads me to think WooPlus might not be the best way to get into a relationship. Some people (or many, I am not certain) do try to make the jump from hooking up to then dating. She was probably leaning away from Feabie, due to Feabie pushing itself as feeder/feedees first, FAs BBWS (FFAs BHMs) secondly. WooPlus maybe effective, but I am suspicious.
> 
> Before using Feabie, I was on Match and OkCupid. I was contacted by a lot of women. What did they have in common, they completely ignored that I stated I wanted a plus-size or fat and fabulous partner, whatever the options were on each site. I would say for every fat woman that would contact me, I would say 20 thin women would send PMs. It is possible that some of these women may have been using picture of when they were thinner, but if so none of them made that distinction to me. A lot of people say online dating is loaded with fat people. That has not been my experience.
> 
> To me the big advantage of a fat dating site is that the fat women who join have mostlikely already decided they would like to date a FA. I don’t have do a subtle dance of properly breaking it to whoever I am talking to, after spending time getting to know the person. There is a lot more to a relationship than just having a fat partner, but I want to search a pool of fat people for a partner.



Very interesting about your experiences with thin women hitting you up on the more mainstream dating services.

I think you have the right mindset when you say "There is a lot more to a relationship than just having a fat partner, but I want to search a pool of fat people for a partner." And like you say, it is best to look in a venue where hopefully the women are more receptive to a man who prefers their body shape.


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## Blockierer (Aug 31, 2017)

fuelingfire said:


> ..Before using Feabie, I was on Match and OkCupid. I was contacted by a lot of women. What did they have in common, they completely ignored that I stated I wanted a plus-size or fat and fabulous partner, whatever the options were on each site. I would say for every fat woman that would contact me, I would say 20 thin women would send PMs. It is possible that some of these women may have been using picture of when they were thinner, but if so none of them made that distinction to me. A lot of people say online dating is loaded with fat people. That has not been my experience.


That's my experience too. My online search for a fat woman started in 2000. I got lots of messages from women that were not really fat. Most of them had less than 200 lbs. So I started to state in all my ads clearly that I wanted a woman in the range of 300 lbs to *smile*. The effect was that I rarely got messages. I confirm what FF wrote, *online dating is not loaded with fat people*. 
It took me 3 years to find the woman of my dreams. I'm definately a lucky guy.


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## Blockierer (Aug 31, 2017)

waldo said:


> Yeah it's a shame that FA 'issues' remain underexplored. But how many times have we seen people even here on Dimensions scoff at the idea that we have much social stigma to overcome and it is just 'in our heads'. That's a great picture of you and your wife! You both look very contented. ...


Yes, there is a social stigma having a fat partner. For some FAs it takes years to be able to ignore all these prejudices. Unfortunately, some FAs stay in the closet forever.
Thanks for the compliment. I posted this pic because I want to demonstrate that fat love is possible and completely normal.


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## landshark (Aug 31, 2017)

Blockierer said:


> Yes, there is a social stigma having a fat partner. For some FAs it takes years to be able to ignore all these prejudices. Unfortunately, some FAs stay in the closet forever.
> Thanks for the compliment. I posted this pic because I want to demonstrate that fat love is possible and completely normal.



Yes, there is definitely a stigma to having a fat partner. In some circles it's elevated if your fat partner is a fat wife! On a fitness forum I frequent a few of the members we're talking about how it's ok and fun to bang a fat chick from time to time. When I mentioned being married to one I lost major credibility with a lot of the members. One even told me, "dude it's okay to f*** fat chicks but you're not supposed to marry them!" It's not a big deal to me though. I've found I actually have come to embrace the stigma, as I've shared elsewhere here on Dims. 
Your pic definitely is a good one. There's nothing abnormal at all about living a beautiful woman!


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## Killexia (Apr 8, 2019)

When I did online dating, I wouldn't put it out there then met men who said they absolutely don't like BBW. So I would cancel our date and mentioned I'm a BBW, and the guy would thank me for not wasting his time. I began to be very blunt about it and my number of messages received lessened, but I certainly weeded out the undesirables.


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## BigElectricKat (Apr 8, 2019)

I haven't tried online dating yet. I'm somewhat hesitant to attempt it.


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## Killexia (Apr 8, 2019)

Don't waste your time and money. 


BigElectricKat said:


> I haven't tried online dating yet. I'm somewhat hesitant to attempt it.


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## DragonFly (Apr 15, 2019)

BigElectricKat said:


> I haven't tried online dating yet. I'm somewhat hesitant to attempt it.



It is scary as hell to think about. Every time I think about it I get flashbacks from the show Catfish. I know on my Instagram account I get the scammers constantly. I usually block them and report.


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## LizzieJones (Apr 15, 2019)

BigElectricKat said:


> I haven't tried online dating yet. I'm somewhat hesitant to attempt it.



I did it for a while. Nothing really came of it and those first 'coffee dates' felt like job interviews. Mostly a lot of the guys just wanted to meet up for sex.


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## BigElectricKat (Apr 15, 2019)

DragonFly said:


> It is scary as hell to think about. Every time I think about it I get flashbacks from the show Catfish. I know on my Instagram account I get the scammers constantly. I usually block them and report.


Luckily, thus far I haven't even dipped my toe in the online dating scene (unless you count here). But as this is not a dating site, I suppose it doesn't count.


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## DragonFly (Apr 15, 2019)

BigElectricKat said:


> Luckily, thus far I haven't even dipped my toe in the online dating scene (unless you count here). But as this is not a dating site, I suppose it doesn't count.


 Not a traditional dating site but in its long distinguished history Dimensions has put together more than a few long term relationships


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## ScreamingChicken (Apr 15, 2019)

I've done the online dating thing on POF and the experience was fine. Feabie seemed ideologically charged to me and I was not impressed.


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## ScreamingChicken (Apr 15, 2019)

DragonFly said:


> Not a traditional dating site but in its long distinguished history Dimensions has put together more than a few long term relationships



Myself and @WVMountainrear are happy to continue that history .


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## Fatcules71 (Apr 15, 2019)

Although I completely understand her point and respect her point of view; I spent years on dating sites looking for the woman of my dreams. 

Right or wrong it started with her size. I am an FA and have been since I first started liking girls in the second grade. I only looked for women of size because ultimately I knew that is what would make me happy. Of course, I wanted compatibility, intelligence, sense of humor and the like but it STARTED with a physical attraction. 

Honesty in her profile (and mine) was essential. I was upfront with what I was looking for and I hoped for the same in return. I have dating site horror stories too but it only made me more determined to hone my profile to be sure the person reading my profile knew exactly who I was and what I was looking for; I did not hide it or downplay anything, I was crystal clear.


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## Shotha (Apr 15, 2019)

I'm always very explicit about my size on dating sites. I get a few funny comments but nothing meant to be offensive. It seems to work fine but that may have a lot to do with me living in a country (New Zealand) with a total population of only 5 million.


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## fuelingfire (Apr 15, 2019)

I always viewed it as, online dating is just putting an ad out there for yourself. You log in every few days see who seems interested. You could use it as a time killer, in the same way most people use social media. You can be more aggressive and also search others postings. It's still the "you miss all the shots you don't take" approach. 

If you are expecting to join, and instantly meet great, nice, compatible partners, you will likely be disappointed. There are a lot of people who are train wrecks out there and they don't even know it. There are ways of finding peoples motives, and decreasing the likeliness of being catfished.

I have met a lot of people in real life that have never online dated, but say how awful they think it is. They are then surprised to hear me defend it, but then say my points make sense. I do understand that it's not for everybody, just like going to bars, or where ever you dream person maybe hiding.


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## landshark (Apr 16, 2019)

LizzieJones said:


> I did it for a while. Nothing really came of it and those first 'coffee dates' felt like job interviews. *Mostly a lot of the guys just wanted to meet up for sex*.



A lot of women used online dating for that purpose too back when I tried it.

Not that I am complaining.


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## extra_m13 (Apr 18, 2019)

i read the first post and nothing else and i think i can add something. if not then well, i tried. but i do think it is an issue to write about. because as an FA, it does generate extra interest if i know before hand that a lady is let's say, 350 pounds, it's like oh my, i am totally into her but reality is that relationships require a lot more than that and at the end you need to be able to have nice conversations and chemistry and personalities that are compatible and that is totally apart from her curves or weight, and that applies both over 350 pounds and under the 200 mark, having a successful relationship is not easy, period


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## Shotha (Apr 19, 2019)

One of the reasons that I give my weight both in numbers and with a photo that shows how I look in body and face is that it's honest. I believe that here honesty is the best policy. I see fat friends find a date online and the girl or boy that they meet isn't interested because the person in the profile isn't the same as the person on the date. Both parties end up being disappointed. I try to explain to these friends that in hiding the fact that they're fat means that they're getting replies from people who want a slim partner. If they were honest about their appearance they would attract people, who liked them just as they are. In being honest, I avoid all of this disappointment for myself and for my dates. I'm not subjected to constant rejections because I'm fat. So, if a did doesn't work out, it's because we don't have the same interests or it's because of some other body feature, but it's never because I'm too fat for them. That's how I see it and I think that I'm all the happier for it.


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## LarryTheNoodleGuy (Apr 19, 2019)

I once met someone from Match.com who used a much younger, thinner photo of herself in her profile, I'm talking about 10 years. I didn't mind (of course) that she was a lot larger, but I did mind the dishonesty. There is a great deal of difference not only physically, but emotionally, etc, between someone who is 24 and who is 34. My two cents.


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## TwoSwords (Apr 19, 2019)

LoveBHMS said:


> As an aside, I also need to say I loathe it when fetishes are disrespected. Having a sexual fetish does not mean you are rude, dishonest, mean, or manipulative. You can be totally vanilla sexually and be all of those things. You can also be a hard core fetishist and be polite, honest, and respectful towards others. Having a fat fetish does not mean you masturbate to amorphous blobs of fat. Maybe it means you'll hook up only with fat women, but so what? Nearly everyone has parameters....they may be about looks, income, education, geography, religion, or political affiliation. It rarely means "I will sleep with anyone that's wealthy/socially liberal/Catholic" but it may mean you won't consider anyone without those qualities.



There are a lot of replies on this thread that I love, but this one strikes close to home for me. The issue I have with people who have this attitude is their assumption that because I like how they look, I must be a shallow, horrible person, or at the very least, that there must be something wrong with me for disagreeing with public opinion. I can't feel any significant attraction to a thin person, and it's not easy for me to stay angry with someone who's fat, but that doesn't make me shallow, nor does it mean that a fat body is all I'm looking for. It's only one of several qualities that I think are important/necessary.

Also, attachment to the physical qualities of one's partner is not exclusive to either FAs (many, many men look for hips or legs of certain shapes/types,) or even men in general (lots of women just aren't into men who are shorter than they are, for instance.) That she defends her right to her own standards, while demonizing the standards of others also paints her in a poor light.

Plus, in the article, there seems to be an unspoken assumption that any man who likes your interests should be able to feel attraction to you, regardless of how you look, and I'm convinced that almost no men (or women, for that matter,) are like that. It's unrealistic to expect this of anyone. I think, if anything, failing to accurately describe what your date is in for will only make him angrier for having been strung along. That can waste the precious time of both men and women.


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## Emmy (May 20, 2019)

It's not called "love at first personality", while personality is important, I'd be lying to say looks don't factor in at all! It's also not fair to discredit every person who says they like BBW. It would be the same as me mentioning I like square shoulders.. Its not the ONLY reason Im saying hi, but Im letting him know Its something I appreciate about how he looks right off the bat. 
I think it's interesting that she is still trying the online dating though, if she's as confident as she says, I think she'd have better luck meeting someone public...cut out the whole "surprise im not your cup of tea" all together.


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## Shotha (May 20, 2019)

Emmy said:


> It's not called "love at first personality", while personality is important, I'd be lying to say looks don't factor in at all!



That's a very interesting point. However, it is often very difficult to unravel what is looks and what is physical attraction. I can only speak from my own experience as a fat gay man with a preference for fat men. I realize that fat women face much more discrimination that fat men do. I'm a little surprised that the woman, who wrote the article, says that she doesn't mention her size on "dating apps". The first thing that people notice about me is that I'm fat and so I don't see any point in getting upset about people commenting about. I don't date other fat guys because I'm fat; I'm fat because I think that fat guys look great. I have to agree that looks are usually the first thing to attract us to someone but other things such as personality come into play. Many of those personality traits can be picked up from appearance. Things like grooming, hairstyle and attire can say as much about personality as they contribute to appearance.

The writer of the article comes across as a beautiful and confident woman. So, I'm very surprised at her reluctance to mention her size. I'm very happy with my appearance and so I don't hide it. I'm happy to post photos and give details of myself, including my size. I find that there is all the difference in the world between a fat man who is ashamed of being fat and one who is confident and happy with his appearance. If people see that you take pride in your appearance, then they find it harder to find hurtful things to say. I also believe that pride is an important issue in working towards fat acceptance. These days, if someone addresses me as "big guy", I tell them that I prefer to be called "fat guy". I don't think that we can expect people to feel positive towards us, if we can't be positive about ourselves.

I can identify more with her about not wanting to hang out on specialized dating sites for big girls. Although I'm gay I don't tend to hang out in gay venues, whether real or virtual. However, I can't begin to deny that I'm fat anymore than I can deny that I'm gay. It's part of who I am.


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## TwoSwords (May 20, 2019)

Shotha said:


> I find that there is all the difference in the world between a fat man who is ashamed of being fat and one who is confident and happy with his appearance. If people see that you take pride in your appearance, then they find it harder to find hurtful things to say.



Not only that, but you're more likely to find common ground with other people who also appreciate how you look. If you don't, their feelings often end up being a source of quarrels, rather than a way to connect.


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## Shotha (May 20, 2019)

TwoSwords said:


> If you don't, their feelings often end up being a source of quarrels, rather than a way to connect.



When I'm in a group, where we expected to introduce ourselves, I find that starting with, "My name's Shotha and I'm fat," is a good way of stopping offensive remarks, before they start.


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## waldo (May 21, 2019)

Shotha said:


> When I'm in a group, where we expected to introduce ourselves, I find that starting with, "My name's Shotha and I'm fat," is a good way of stopping offensive remarks, before they start.



This reminds me of the movie Pitch Perfect where Rebel Wilson's character explains why she preemptively refers to herself as "Fat Amy", as a way to disarm the 'haters'.


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## Emmy (May 21, 2019)

waldo said:


> This reminds me of the movie Pitch Perfect where Rebel Wilson's character explains why she preemptively refers to herself as "Fat Amy", as a way to disarm the 'haters'.


her names really fat patricia!


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## waldo (May 21, 2019)

Emmy said:


> her names really fat patricia!


yeah I remember that LOL


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## Shotha (May 21, 2019)

waldo said:


> This reminds me of the movie Pitch Perfect where Rebel Wilson's character explains why she preemptively refers to herself as "Fat Amy", as a way to disarm the 'haters'.



It's why participants in Gay Pride parades used to sing "We're here and we're queer." That was back in the days, when it was more of a protest parade than a carnival. If you're happy to refer to yourself by the word that haters use to abuse you, then they can't use that word as an effective term of abuse anymore. Gays "reclaimed" the word queer and took the hurt out of it by calling themselves queers. That's what I want to do with the word "fat". I'm fat and I'm happy like that. And that's one of the reasons (coming back on topic) why I describe myself as fat on dating profiles. It sends out the message that I'm not ashamed of it. It sends out the message that I'm happy with me. If anyone thinks that they can date me and start telling me that I need to lose a few kilos, that's where things end.


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## Sidhuriel (May 21, 2019)

Shotha said:


> It's why participants in Gay Pride parades used to sing "We're here and we're queer." That was back in the days, when it was more of a protest parade than a carnival. If you're happy to refer to yourself by the word that haters use to abuse you, then they can't use that word as an effective term of abuse anymore.



Right!

That's also why I call myself fat, because fat is nothing more than a descriptor like tall etc and nothing to be ashamed about!
I notice it makes people uncomfortable and they usually try to tell me I am not fat, which they mean well but it just shows how taboo fat has become. I'm comfortable in my skin and I show it. We're fat and we're here, deal with it.


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## Shotha (May 21, 2019)

Sidhuriel said:


> We're fat and we're here, deal with it.



That's exactly what I'm thinking. I'm happy with my body. If others aren't happy, then that's their problem for them to sort out. In fact, it's none of their business, because they don't have to live in my body.


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## Jimevil2000 (Aug 12, 2019)

I think the focus is entirely wrong. It is looked through the lens of “only large people are judged for their size” which is a complete falsehood. 

The reality is, no matter how attracted you are to a persons personality, sense of humor, intelligence, etc, there is a physical component. I happen to only be attracted to larger women. I’m as vapid and shallow as someone who likes tall guys, or abs, or blondes. We all have preferences. 

With that said, the thing I hate is being treated like something is wrong for having a bbw preference. Being asked why? Why does anyone like anything? Because you do. It’s that simple.


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## DragonFly (Aug 12, 2019)

Jimevil2000 said:


> I think the focus is entirely wrong. It is looked through the lens of “only large people are judged for their size” which is a complete falsehood.
> 
> The reality is, no matter how attracted you are to a persons personality, sense of humor, intelligence, etc, there is a physical component. I happen to only be attracted to larger women. I’m as vapid and shallow as someone who likes tall guys, or abs, or blondes. We all have preferences.
> 
> With that said, the thing I hate is being treated like something is wrong for having a bbw preference. Being asked why? Why does anyone like anything? Because you do. It’s that simple.


From the FA in my life I heard the same thing. He could wax poetic about the experience of being next to and with a bbw. But the summation was - because he liked his women that way.


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