# BHM Dating Guide (Part 1 of 3)



## Zagnut (Nov 28, 2006)

(Moderator edit: this will be stickied for 2 weeks, then added to a special sticky of important forum threads)

This is, as requested, a simple little dating guide for BHMs out there who may feel otherwise inhibited, or otherwise troubled, in regards to dating and finding suitable women to begin healthy relationships. I'll do my best, but I don't claim myself to be an expert at this, but someone who has made many mistakes and who has now learned from them.

Please keep in mind that I will need to make generalities in this to try and approach the widest possible number of scenarios the prospective BHM "lady killer" out there may encounter. Please understand that I mean no slight or prejudice toward anyone. When you are meeting prospective people, you have to initially go on looks and superficial qualities first, and there are exceptions to every rules. I apologize if I offend anyone, as that is the last thing I would ever wish to do here.

Additionally, this also could serve to help out FFAs out there as well, as it will hopefully shed some insight into what a BHM (or many of shy type) often has to deal with in meeting and dating new women. So feel free to ask questions and I will, again, do my best.

Without further ado, here we go:

So you're sitting there, wondering where is my lady love, where is my beautiful goddess to save me from my loneness and great despair. Will I ever get to touch a boobie? Will I ever be loved in that oh so sexy way, instead of being the perpetual big brother of femininity the world over? You are a big guy and you want a little love.

There are a number of aspects in which you can be attractive in the eyes of a prospective girlfriend or lover. It all starts with you. You're persona and how your are perceived is by in large subjective to the individual, but certain things are fairly universal:

· Do you come off as confident, or desperate and overly eager to please?
· Do you come off as creepy or sexy?
· Are you dressed like a slob or like someone that takes pride in themselves?
· Are you well groomed and smelling nice?
· Are you a person you would like to know and have in your life?

There are simply some women out there that will never see a big man and find them attractive. Some will be repulsed and some will just see you and not boyfriend/sex material. This is the same for men of every race, size, height, age and type. Even movie stars hunks get rejected, and more often than you'd think. If you carry yourself off as a strong confident man, many women will find some attraction in that. 

The first thing you have to accept is that you are a sexual person, and deserving or love, passion and flaming hot monkey sex. If you are unable to believe this, you will convey this in your every action and word. You can't hate yourself and expect others to love you. Your actions will unconsciously sabotage potential relationships and push others away. You may need to spend some time working through this, but nothing will happen until you can accept this and love yourself. I do mean nothing. At best you will be used and abused, because on some fundamental level you will encourage that to happen to you.

When this in no longer an issue (hopefully it never was), it's time to build your confidence. It's scary out there, but only the bold will survive. Find your interests, wherever it may take you. Don't try to be something you are not, as you will only build relationships on lies. To thine own self be true and all that jazz. If you are a geek, be a geek. If you love food, be Epicurean in your food. If you enjoy something, do it. Develop your own identity based on what you enjoy and like. This will come into play when you start dating.

When you are out and about, whether shopping for groceries or out with the lads having a few cold ones, be who you are. Don't try to impress anyone with what you aren't. When you see women, see them as just people. Do not stare and do not follow a woman around. She is out doing just the same. If you are interested in her, well we'll come to that later, but don't be her puppy dog. Be the guy that is having a great time, regardless. To quote a line from a movie that illustrates this (though not the character that stated it):

"Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude."

It's important to look good as well as feel good. Clothing and grooming are paramount. We've all seen people dressed in suits that look like hell and guys wearing simple t-shirts and jeans that look great. Find your look. Invest in good, well fitting clothes. Enlist those platonic female friends of yours to help you shop if you need to (do not attempt to hit on them ... never hit on a female friend that has made it clear they are not interested. It won't work and they can serve as an important asset that I will explain later when it comes to meeting women).

Keep in mind that you need to look who you are. If you are a gothic-minded person, Old Navy khakis and sky blue pullovers probably aren't for you. Don't forget decent shoes and take care of your clothing. They speak a lot about you. Find comfortable clothing and exudes your person and attitude.

Grooming is also important. Hygiene is more important for a bigger person that their smaller counterpart, due to the belief that we smell bad by many ignorant people. I shower twice a day, but you don't have to take it to that extreme. Trim your finger and toe nails. If you need, get the occasional manicure and pedicure (and tip well). If you have facial hair, invest in a good beard trimmer. If you're over 30, buy and use a nose hair clipper. If you are hairy, trim it down a bit (manscaping), don't bother shaving and waxing it unless it truly bothers you. Many woman like a hairy man, but if your chest hairs are going up her nose when she rests her head on your chest you may need a bit of a trim.

Cologne and after-shave can be a bit of a sticky wicket. Many women will be allergic, so if you want to wear it, wear it right. Choose a scent right for you. Bring a female friend (don't trust the person behind the counter on this as a rule) to help you choose. Try on different scents as your skin chemistry will often alter the scent. If you are older, don't go for new trendy scents, and for Pete's sake don't buy something you can't afford. Some people will enjoy different scents for different moods, but find your MAN scent here. Keep in mind that the scent will also have a lot of effect on women. If a woman are sometimes seeking boys you might go with something newer. Some when are instinctly seeking someone like their father, so a scent that is older like Drakkar Noir or even (bleh) Old Spice may be up your alley. When you apply it, keep it simple. After shave is to be slapped lightly on the face after a shave. Cologne is to be sprayed lightly on the neck and upper body. Any more than three sprays and you're pushing it. This is something that should be picked up by a woman when she is close to you, but not at a distance.

This is a start. The first step is find you. Next comes how to find them.

To be continued ...


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## lemmink (Nov 28, 2006)

Can't wait for the next installment. I'm definitely going to be distributing this to 'friends in need' when it's complete!


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## HDANGEL15 (Nov 29, 2006)

*((Zagnut)))
love it....ditto what lemminkk said xox Angel
*


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## Zagnut (Nov 30, 2006)

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.


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