# Feeling "Out Of Place" At Dimensions



## FreeThinker

The attached poll allows for multiple answers, and is anonymous.



Whilst reading another thread, I noticed a poster saying that, while Dimensions is something of an "online home", this person always feels like a bit of an outsider looking in.

In a response, another poster, in offerring reassurance, referred to this first person as one of "the old guard".


Eureka.


Could it be simply that older folks like the poster in question (and myself) feel somewhat "outside" more because of *where* Dimensions is rather than _*what*_ Dimensions is?


Dimensions is an internet-based forum.


Well, duh.


The significance of that, however, may be that, to the younger generation, being on the internet means being *with* people, yet, to us older folk (despite our protestations that we are modern thinkers who have adapted to the changing times), being on the internet means being *away from* people.

Do those of us who are "of a certain age" view the mere act of being online as an antisocial activity rather than a social one?

Maybe it's just my bias showing, as a 41-year-old who has only been online for a little over three years.

I can't help thinking of posting on Dimensions (or any web forum, although this is the only one in which I regularly participate) more as walking onto a stage, whereas I think the younger folk may view it more as entering a room. The feeling of cameraderie, of intimacy and immediacy, is more natural, perhaps, to those who have had this medium available for a greater portion of their lives.

I am often surprised (and gladdened) by how quickly and easily some young new posters seem to fit into our community (even calling it "our community" seems presumptuous on my part), particularly in light of my continuing sense of being "the new guy" here.



Am I out of my head, or could there be something to this?


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## Friday

I understand what you mean Free (and I've got 10 years on you by the by), although I've been online a few years longer. I find that many of my contemporaries find it puzzling and downright odd that I not only spend a lot of time socializing on the 'puter, but have made dear, dear friends through the internet and that 'Yes. I really am using vacation time to go visit someone I met on the computer.'.

I don't really see how getting to know someone on the 'puter is any different that getting to know them in the breakroom at work or over a cup of coffee after church. In fact, as busy and wide flung as most people are these days, I think it's a plus to be able to maintain a conversation like you and I currently are even though we may post hours and thousands of miles apart. Some people don't get quite the feeling of reality from words on a screen that I think they get from someone sitting there looking them in the eye but I just think it's a wonderful way to find and connect with people who share interests...or share with you a brand new interest, or maybe help you see something from a totally different angle than you've ever seen it before.


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## Ruffie

From what alot of newbies have said to me(cause I will talk to anyone) is that they feel more unwelcome. THis is more in chat whre they come in say hello and then are basically ignored throughout the time they are there. I try to remnd them its cause alot of us know each other for a good many years and so talk freely wth each other and this too will come in time. But it won't if we don't make the effort. Perhaps when chatting or seeng a new person on the boards taking time to respond to them pas the initial hi would help folks feel more welcome and that ths place is less"cliquish" as I have heard flung around?


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## Violet_Beauregard

Speaking for myself only.... I have felt extremely out of place in the last few months. 

I tend to feel a bit out of place because there are so many who actually "know" each other, in "real" life, as opposed to the internet. I find I have trouble getting involved in some discussions, because it's clear that the discussion is an "inside" thing. I don't necessarily have a problem with that, but it can be tough to get involved. 

That said... there are some VERY VERY VERY nice people here, who have been extremely kind to me, and I have NO complaints about that. I appreciate everyone being so friendly and nice. I've posted a fair amount of pictures, and I've always gotten very wonderful compliments, which I greatly appreciate. I try to return those comments and compliments to everyone else as well, because I do know how good they make ME feel... I know others would like to receive the same. 

I find that I don't feel my posts are "clever" enough... that what I have to say seems insignificant, compared to what some of the others have posted. So rather than post something stupid or insignificant, I don't post at all. I like reading what everyone else posts, but I keep my thoughts to myself, unless something really strikes me. I do worry that I come across badly because I don't get involved more. I don't want to be seen as snobby or better than anyone else. That's not the case at all, I just don't feel as smart some others here. So I just read a lot.

I've cut back my posting in the last few months... specifically for one reason. I cannot tolerate the rude, nasty comments that go flying around periodically. (not at me, thank goodness) Internet or not, I don't see the need to be flat out rude to someone because you don't like their post, or you think they said something that's aimed at you. What usually follows is back and forth posts trading insults...each one getting progressively more nasty and rude. I can't stand it. I have said this about people in every day society.... when did it become okay to be rude to people? 

I also realize that somethings are said to be a joke or said sarcastically.... but, being written as opposed to being spoken... one doesn't hear the vocal inflection to know that it was intended to be a joke or was said sarcastically. I think that starts a lot of nasty discussion. 

Generally I enjoy being here... I just would like to feel more comfortable in the discussions.


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## BothGunsBlazing

I personally don't feel left out, but then .. I am pretty much a loud mouth, so I don't count.

I had this really long thought out post typed out until I realized that .. yeah, I do understand how difficult it can be to fit in and to put yourself out there, but I also am going to say some people just get off on martyrdom and like to complain about not fitting in and don't do anything about it .. even when handed an olive branch to do just that. 

aka - http://dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=40953


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## Ruffie

Can't rep you, must spread some more around before giving some to you again. But I think what you said was right on the money. There have been alot of that nastiness hanging about in these forums of late. It is a turn off, cause I think that alot more can be said and it hits home more effectively if done with some modicum of decorum and restraint. Negativity breeds negativity and often people respond in that manner and as you mentioned it gets into a fest of comments that have very little to do with the intent of the posters or even the origional intent of the thread.
I for one am thankful to those that are willing to speak their minds with grace and dignity as you do and wanted to let you know that
Ruth


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## Sandie_Zitkus

I feel out of place. For one reason only. Some of the young men here are EXTREMELY, direspectful, rude and misogynistic (oh no I said it!) toward the women here. NO - it's not a joke, so don't even try it.

I don't understand it, I don't like it and I don't understand why it is allowed. I'm a little too old, feminist and respectful of myself to put up with it.


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## Violet_Beauregard

Thank you Ruth... I really appreciate that. 

I was hoping it wasn't just me who noticed the nastiness. You're right too, that one can get their point across in a much more effective way. To me, it wastes too much time and energy being negative and nasty. I just prefer to look at the bright side, and be friendly to everyone. 



Vi






Ruffie said:


> Can't rep you, must spread some more around before giving some to you again. But I think what you said was right on the money. There have been alot of that nastiness hanging about in these forums of late. It is a turn off, cause I think that alot more can be said and it hits home more effectively if done with some modicum of decorum and restraint. Negativity breeds negativity and often people respond in that manner and as you mentioned it gets into a fest of comments that have very little to do with the intent of the posters or even the origional intent of the thread.
> I for one am thankful to those that are willing to speak their minds with grace and dignity as you do and wanted to let you know that
> Ruth


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## Butterbelly

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Speaking for myself only.... I have felt extremely out of place in the last few months.
> 
> I tend to feel a bit out of place because there are so many who actually "know" each other, in "real" life, as opposed to the internet. I find I have trouble getting involved in some discussions, because it's clear that the discussion is an "inside" thing. I don't necessarily have a problem with that, but it can be tough to get involved.
> 
> That said... there are some VERY VERY VERY nice people here, who have been extremely kind to me, and I have NO complaints about that. I appreciate everyone being so friendly and nice. I've posted a fair amount of pictures, and I've always gotten very wonderful compliments, which I greatly appreciate. I try to return those comments and compliments to everyone else as well, because I do know how good they make ME feel... I know others would like to receive the same.
> 
> I find that I don't feel my posts are "clever" enough... that what I have to say seems insignificant, compared to what some of the others have posted. So rather than post something stupid or insignificant, I don't post at all. I like reading what everyone else posts, but I keep my thoughts to myself, unless something really strikes me. I do worry that I come across badly because I don't get involved more. I don't want to be seen as snobby or better than anyone else. That's not the case at all, I just don't feel as smart some others here. So I just read a lot.
> 
> I've cut back my posting in the last few months... specifically for one reason. I cannot tolerate the rude, nasty comments that go flying around periodically. (not at me, thank goodness) Internet or not, I don't see the need to be flat out rude to someone because you don't like their post, or you think they said something that's aimed at you. What usually follows is back and forth posts trading insults...each one getting progressively more nasty and rude. I can't stand it. I have said this about people in every day society.... when did it become okay to be rude to people?
> 
> I also realize that somethings are said to be a joke or said sarcastically.... but, being written as opposed to being spoken... one doesn't hear the vocal inflection to know that it was intended to be a joke or was said sarcastically. I think that starts a lot of nasty discussion.
> 
> Generally I enjoy being here... I just would like to feel more comfortable in the discussions.



I agree with Violet on a lot of what she said. I've noticed more and more that nasty, rude, inappropriate, and unwarranted comments seem to get by, and it doesn't matter gender. Another thing I've noticed is that what people say around here gets taken out of context a lot and there is always some blow up drama, which tends to make me want to stay away even more.

Violet even noted that a lot of Dimensions folk "know" each other and get together for bashes, etc. I don't know really know anyone from Dimensions and I can't exactly afford to go to the bashes, which has made me feel a little left out of the discussions. 

I completely quit going into chat because I can't handle the rudeness of people in the chat room...again, another place where what people say gets taken out of context.

Because of these things, I don't participate in dicussions as much and log onto the forums less and less, and I definitely don't participate in chat anymore.


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## Spanky

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Thank you Ruth... I really appreciate that.
> 
> I was hoping it wasn't just me who noticed the nastiness. You're right too, that one can get their point across in a much more effective way. To me, it wastes too much time and energy being negative and nasty. I just prefer to look at the bright side, and be friendly to everyone.
> 
> 
> 
> Vi





You are one of the examples of what is right with Dimensions, Vi. 

This is such a sucky medium (not Dimensions, threads in general) for human interaction that years from now we will look back on it and laugh. People write things and in ways they would never do in person. I liken it to the driver riding through town cutting people off, flipping and bird honking and then doing it to someone they know personally. 

"If I knew it was YOU, I would have never done it." What about the nice people who you do not know. Did they deserve it??

Sooner or later, human relationships need a physical. I am not talking about sexual. I mean looking at a face, expressions, physical emotions, hand gestures, body movements, voice intonations, eye contact, etc. It is how we as humans have communicated for thousands of years. It is tough to navigate without those things. 

My avatar has been on for awhile due to my general frustration. Makes me want to scream. My kitty posse too.


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## imfree

Ruffie said:


> Can't rep you, must spread some more around before giving some to you again. But I think what you said was right on the money. There have been alot of that nastiness hanging about in these forums of late. It is a turn off, cause I think that alot more can be said and it hits home more effectively if done with some modicum of decorum and restraint. Negativity breeds negativity and often people respond in that manner and as you mentioned it gets into a fest of comments that have very little to do with the intent of the posters or even the origional intent of the thread.
> I for one am thankful to those that are willing to speak their minds with grace and dignity as you do and wanted to let you know that
> Ruth



I agree, but hope most of it is because of
the ambiguity of language, in it's translations
and regional dialects, and not because of
ill will. I rept'er for ya'.


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## Violet_Beauregard

Thanks to you both. I'm glad to know it's just not me that gets so frustrated at people's lack of manners.  




Butterbelly said:


> I agree with Violet on a lot of what she said. I've noticed more and more that nasty, rude, inappropriate, and unwarranted comments seem to get by, and it doesn't matter gender. Another thing I've noticed is that what people say around here gets taken out of context a lot and there is always some blow up drama, which tends to make me want to stay away even more.
> 
> Violet even noted that a lot of Dimensions folk "know" each other and get together for bashes, etc. I don't know really know anyone from Dimensions and I can't exactly afford to go to the bashes, which has made me feel a little left out of the discussions.
> 
> I completely quit going into chat because I can't handle the rudeness of people in the chat room...again, another place where what people say gets taken out of context.
> 
> Because of these things, I don't participate in dicussions as much and log onto the forums less and less, and I definitely don't participate in chat anymore.






Thanks Spankster... I'm out of rep for you, but know this... you are a true gentleman. 




Spanky said:


> You are one of the examples of what is right with Dimensions, Vi.
> 
> This is such a sucky medium (not Dimensions, threads in general) for human interaction that years from now we will look back on it and laugh. People write things and in ways they would never do in person. I liken it to the driver riding through town cutting people off, flipping and bird honking and then doing it to someone they know personally.
> 
> "If I knew it was YOU, I would have never done it." What about the nice people who you do not know. Did they deserve it??
> 
> Sooner or later, human relationships need a physical. I am not talking about sexual. I mean looking at a face, expressions, physical emotions, hand gestures, body movements, voice intonations, eye contact, etc. It is how we as humans have communicated for thousands of years. It is tough to navigate without those things.
> 
> My avatar has been on for awhile due to my general frustration. Makes me want to scream. My kitty posse too.


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## Tad

I guess we all have our own reasons for feeling like we don't fit in....I suspect almost everyone gets that feeling at least some of the time, I know I certainly do.

On the one hand I've been around here for ages, so it might seem odd that I feel out of place a lot of the time. Truth is that I decided long ago that I wasn't going to let feeling out of place stop me from participating. That is one of the advantages of the more impersonal, net/forums, type of interaction: I can't see anyone rolling their eyes at me unless they work at _really _hard, I don't get to see how many people are standing in groups when I'm not, and so on. 

On the other hand, of course I don't feel like I fit in. 

- I'm neither single nor looking, and a lot of the threads here kind of have some degree of that assumption to them. 

- I don't know any regular posters in person, I'm not going to bashes, and I don't expect that to ever particularly change. 

- I'm an FA, but these days my wife is probably smaller than what most here would call a BBW, so one of my original reasons for coming here in the first place, way-back-when, is pretty much gone, and I can't even offer second hand sympathy towards other BBW's plights. And frankly a lot of the BBW here, with a fair amount of justice, have limited patience with FA involved with non-BBW women, feeling that if being an FA is so important to us why didn't we get involved with one, and if it isn't so important why do we hang around Dimensions?

- I'm obese by the medical charts, but probably not big enough to get called a BHM around here. So I'm not the sort of eye candy appreciated by many of the women here who have traditional preferences in male physique, but neither am I big enough to really feel that I fit in on the BHM board.

- I enjoy weight gain, on others or myself, and that feels like a barely tolerated thing around Dimensions these days. At the same time I'm trying to not gain (or even drop a few pounds), and I'm supporting my wife along the same lines, so I don't feel like I can contribute much to those threads that are talking about weight gain.

- I'm a guy, and most of the friendships that have developed between posters are between women, and it really does feel sometimes like guys are tolerated and even sometimes appreciated, but not really part of things fully. Mind you, I'm not sure I want "to be part of things fully" so this is not a complaint, but it does leave me feeling out of place at times, more of a commentator than a participant.

- Some of it is probably just my innate personality. I think I'm more comfortable on the fringes of things than in the middle of them. On the few occasions that I do feel like I really belong to a group, it pretty much leaves me feeling weird and unbalanced.

In short, yah, I often feel out of place, but most of that is unavoidable due to who I am, and much of the rest of it is no doubt probable due to my personality.


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## Spanky

edx said:


> I guess we all have our own reasons for feeling like we don't fit in....I suspect almost everyone gets that feeling at least some of the time, I know I certainly do.
> 
> On the one hand I've been around here for ages, so it might seem odd that I feel out of place a lot of the time. Truth is that I decided long ago that I wasn't going to let feeling out of place stop me from participating. That is one of the advantages of the more impersonal, net/forums, type of interaction: I can't see anyone rolling their eyes at me unless they work at _really _hard, I don't get to see how many people are standing in groups when I'm not, and so on.
> 
> On the other hand, of course I don't feel like I fit in.
> 
> - I'm neither single nor looking, and a lot of the threads here kind of have some degree of that assumption to them.
> 
> - I don't know any regular posters in person, I'm not going to bashes, and I don't expect that to ever particularly change.
> 
> - I'm an FA, but these days my wife is probably smaller than what most here would call a BBW, so one of my original reasons for coming here in the first place, way-back-when, is pretty much gone, and I can't even offer second hand sympathy towards other BBW's plights. And frankly a lot of the BBW here, with a fair amount of justice, have limited patience with FA involved with non-BBW women, feeling that if being an FA is so important to us why didn't we get involved with one, and if it isn't so important why do we hang around Dimensions?
> 
> - I'm obese by the medical charts, but probably not big enough to get called a BHM around here. So I'm not the sort of eye candy appreciated by many of the women here who have traditional preferences in male physique, but neither am I big enough to really feel that I fit in on the BHM board.
> 
> - I enjoy weight gain, on others or myself, and that feels like a barely tolerated thing around Dimensions these days. At the same time I'm trying to not gain (or even drop a few pounds), and I'm supporting my wife along the same lines, so I don't feel like I can contribute much to those threads that are talking about weight gain.
> 
> - I'm a guy, and most of the friendships that have developed between posters are between women, and it really does feel sometimes like guys are tolerated and even sometimes appreciated, but not really part of things fully. Mind you, I'm not sure I want "to be part of things fully" so this is not a complaint, but it does leave me feeling out of place at times, more of a commentator than a participant.
> 
> - Some of it is probably just my innate personality. I think I'm more comfortable on the fringes of things than in the middle of them. On the few occasions that I do feel like I really belong to a group, it pretty much leaves me feeling weird and unbalanced.
> 
> In short, yah, I often feel out of place, but most of that is unavoidable due to who I am, and much of the rest of it is no doubt probable due to my personality.



Ed, I guess other than our body sizes, you sound a lot like me, at least our situations here. For the most part, respect is shown on almost all sides. 

One thing a few of the ladies have mentioned to me in private, is the almost daily barrage of "come ons" PMed to them. Yes, they are men, looking to hook up (even trying the marrieds). Imagine getting hit on by women via PM. Ok, joking, most guys would go "Alriiiiiight! Woo hoo!!" But as for you (it seems) and me, especially being married, it would be very unsettling. 

I can't imagine what the ladies have to go through. But it probably tarnishes all of the men here in that one has to show that they are not just married or single "preverts" looking to e-hook-up "teh wimmens of dims". The grouping of women is natural. They have a lot in common and probably feel safer knowing one isn't going to send a PM with their bewbies hanging out titled "Cute Kitty Cats".

If you can petition Conrad for a "married male Electrical Engineer FA" section of the boards, all three of us can go there.


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## Violet_Beauregard

I can vouch for this... it happens to me daily... either thru Dimensions, or most often thru MySpace. 

I do have a yahoo group, and I get hit-on thru there too, but quite frankly, I expect it there, due to the nature of the pictures. 

But it never ceases to amaze me at the number of "friend requests" that I get thru MySpace from 18-30 year old guys. Don't get me wrong... I'm flattered that they find me attractive, but seriously... my age (44) is stated right there on the front of my page... do they REALLY want to have a relationship with someone MY age? No... they want to get laid. Period. Well, youngsters, it isn't going to happen with me. If I can't have an adult conversation with you, and if I have to explain to you who the Banana Splitz and the Monkees were.... then we aren't going to be "hooking up" in the near future.

Like I said though... it is flattering, but I'm sorry, I'm not going to date someone I could have babysat... or better yet... someone who's young enough to be my child.


Back on topic though: I think you and Ed both contribute GREAT posts and I can't imagine that either of you would feel out of place here, but I suppose we all do at one point or another. I think it's just going to happen because there is such a mix of personalities. That's not always a bad thing, it can be tough over the internet though.










Spanky said:


> ......
> One thing a few of the ladies have mentioned to me in private, is the almost daily barrage of "come ons" PMed to them. ......


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## Allie Cat

I feel kind of out of place, but I keep coming back. I don't really know why I feel out of place, though I suspect it's partly because of gender, partly due to feelings of inadequacy, and partly because of age. I tend to agree with edx - I kind of get the impression that guys are only tolerated, but that's rather baseless on my part, I've never been made to feel unwelcome or anything.

Maybe I'm just one of those martyr-y people. I hope not, those people annoy me horribly.


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## ataraxia

I've been around here a good while. I showed up a little before the Paysite board was split off from the Weight board, back on the old board system.

My problem is the high volume. I can't even read most of the posts here, let alone respond to it. It's sheer luck that I even saw this thread.

I do agree that there's an "in crowd". It's made up of those who _can_ keep up reading and responding to it all. Many of those are the same people that regularly go to the bashes. They're the ones we recognize right away in the pics.

As for the nastiness... I protested the creation of Hyde Park from day one. If it's not on-topic, and it's not nice either, why should we allow it in our community? Why can't we tell people who want to fight, politicize, or proselytize to "take it outside", and go to some other forum?


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## Violet_Beauregard

I RARELY venture into Hyde Park. I'll look around for a moment... and immediately leave. The nastiness that I've witnessed, was on all the other boards (Main, Lounge and Weight). Opinions are going to fly in Hyde Park, which I would expect, but on the other boards... that's where I can't stand it. 




ataraxia said:


> I've been around here a good while. I showed up a little before the Paysite board was split off from the Weight board, back on the old board system.
> 
> My problem is the high volume. I can't even read most of the posts here, let alone respond to it. It's sheer luck that I even saw this thread.
> 
> I do agree that there's an "in crowd". It's made up of those who _can_ keep up reading and responding to it all. Many of those are the same people that regularly go to the bashes. They're the ones we recognize right away in the pics.
> 
> *As for the nastiness... I protested the creation of Hyde Park from day one. If it's not on-topic, and it's not nice either, why should we allow it in our community? Why can't we tell people who want to fight, politicize, or proselytize to "take it outside", and go to some other forum**?*


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## Violet_Beauregard

I think it's interesting that Ed, Spanky and yourself have all mentioned that you feel the guys are only tolerated. I've not felt that myself at all, BUT I will say this: The guys have every right to be here, and personally, I welcome them. I think a good discussion should include both perspectives. I enjoy interacting (when I actually do) with the guys and I love having them here! So as far as I'm concerned, please... stick around!





Divals said:


> I feel kind of out of place, but I keep coming back. I don't really know why I feel out of place, though I suspect it's partly because of gender, partly due to feelings of inadequacy, and partly because of age. I tend to agree with edx - I kind of get the impression that guys are only tolerated, but that's rather baseless on my part, I've never been made to feel unwelcome or anything.
> 
> Maybe I'm just one of those martyr-y people. I hope not, those people annoy me horribly.


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## Dr. Feelgood

Spanky said:


> If you can petition Conrad for a "married male Electrical Engineer FA" section of the boards, all three of us can go there.



And if you'll make it a "married male Electrical Engineer and Professor of Classical Languages FA" section, I'll come, too. That way we'll have enough for bridge.


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## Allie Cat

Violet_Beauregard said:


> I think it's interesting that Ed, Spanky and yourself have all mentioned that you feel the guys are only tolerated. I've not felt that myself at all, BUT I will say this: The guys have every right to be here, and personally, I welcome them. I think a good discussion should include both perspectives. I enjoy interacting (when I actually do) with the guys and I love having them here! So as far as I'm concerned, please... stick around!



I've been here for five years, and I don't plan on goin' nowhere! :happy:


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## Spanky

Violet_Beauregard said:


> I think it's interesting that Ed, Spanky and yourself have all mentioned that you feel the guys are only tolerated. I've not felt that myself at all, BUT I will say this: The guys have every right to be here, and personally, I welcome them. I think a good discussion should include both perspectives. I enjoy interacting (when I actually do) with the guys and I love having them here! So as far as I'm concerned, please... stick around!



Vi, I speak for myself when I say that "tolerated" comes off as a slight bit negative. I think most (almost all) of the women here have been absolutely respectful and kind. If an equal percentage of men here were the same to the women, a more wonderful site it could never be. 

I see no problem with women bonding here more easily and strongly than with men. I hold no grudge nor would I ever whine about it. It is just the way it is. :bow:


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## Mathias

I feel out of place because of my age, and also because I can't articulate my thoughts so well over the internet which is why I don't participate in Hyde Park or whenever an argument seems to happen.


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## Bafta1

I feel out of place because I live on the other side of the world to anyone. I mean, I'm jealous of the meet-ups, especially on the East Coast. More and more people from dims actually get to meet one another, which is wonderful. But it means that the bonds between some are stronger, naturally, that between others. And knowing that it's unlikely that I'll ever have the opportunity to solidify friendships with people, in actuality, makes me feel sad and alienated, as though my connection to people stops where the screen begins.


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## Shosh

Bafta1 said:


> I feel out of place because I live on the other side of the world to anyone. I mean, I'm jealous of the meet-ups, especially on the East Coast. More and more people from dims actually get to meet one another, which is wonderful. But it means that the bonds between some are stronger, naturally, that between others. And knowing that it's unlikely that I'll ever have the opportunity to solidify friendships with people, in actuality, makes me feel sad and alienated, as though my connection to people stops where the screen begins.



Mate You are far away? What about me?


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## Bafta1

Touche!
I think we should start an anti-American thread, (actually I love America, more than I can ever describe), but a thread for the purpose of solidarity among the isolated...
how are you Shosh?


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## Shosh

Bafta1 said:


> Touche!
> I think we should start an anti-American thread, (actually I love America, more than I can ever describe), but a thread for the purpose of solidarity among the isolated...
> how are you Shosh?



I am wonderful thank you Cookie. Today is my 38th birthday. Yep I am milking it for all it is worth.


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## Bafta1

&#1497;&#1493;&#1501; &#1492;&#1493;&#1500;&#1491;&#1514; &#1513;&#1502;&#1495;, &#1513;&#1493;&#1513;&#1504;&#1492;!!!!!
&#1514;&#1490;&#1497;&#1491;&#1497; &#1500;&#1497; &#1502;&#1513;&#1492;&#1493;: &#1502;&#1514;&#1497; &#1488;&#1514; &#1489;&#1488;&#1492; &#1500;&#1489;&#1511;&#1512; &#1488;&#1493;&#1514;&#1497; &#1489;&#1488;&#1512;&#1509; &#1497;&#1513;&#1512;&#1488;&#1500;?
What time is it where you are?
Have a lovely day!


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## stan_der_man

Personally, I think I'm a fairly adaptable person... In all honesty I don't really feel "out of place" per se, (as much as I hoo & haw about "FAs being the Rodney Dangerfields of size acceptance... which I do believe BTW...) but I can understand how other people may feel that way, or feel they have to walk on eggshells to be (as you said Spanky) "tolerated".

I know how to "walk the line"... how have fun, how to take things to the edge with out really pissing people off, I try not to make things personal (I don't make personal attacks in the heat of debate... I say bad things on occasion but not directed at individuals...), so I don't really ever get myself into too much trouble... (for a long period of time anyway...) I usually make it a point to send a PM to people I have been teasing to make sure they didn't take it wrong and that I meant no insult; that I was just teasing them. Also in the heat of debate, I try to defuse things with a bit of humour. I have burned a couple of bridges here and there more than likely... but hey, that's life. Also, I have been here for a while, I know some of the people here in person, I feel I've "paid my dues" so to speak in many ways, and many people know me, my demeanor, sense of humour and where I'm coming from. These things by themselves go a long way in preventing possible misunderstandings, and possible estrangement from this, or any other group of people, whether it be online or in person.

On the poll I checked the "out of place because of relationship status"... The one thing that does make me feel somewhat the "odd man out", is the fact that I'm married. Let's face it, singles rule the world... at least here in Dimensions and cyberspace in general. I think a married man (or one in a relationship) has to make it clear that he is married, and not "hitting" on the ladies. I do complement the ladies, I try to keep it tasteful, not make them feel uncomfortable, and keep my wife from getting pissed off all at the same time...  My wife knows this and for the most part I think she takes it fairly well. (If not, I'm sure we'll have a little discussion about it in a day or two after she's read this... )There are a lot of great looking ladies here, and I'm married... not dead. I still like to have a little fun and complement the gals now and then. But this is the place where I think it is awkward for the married (relationship involved) guys. I sometimes get the feeling that since I'm not "available" my only real use here as a male (for the ladies) in Dimensions is that of a muse. Married guys that aren't entertaining or that can produce sage advice on a regular basis will find Dimensions to be a very lonely place. At least that is my general observation. I enjoy being entertaining, I have many friends here that I have fun with, online and in person. Frankly, that's all that is keeping me here at the moment. (I'll keep this next statement brief so as not to hijack yet another thread with my little diatribes... :blush Just like NAAFA, I don't feel Dimensions has much other to offer me (as a thin, married FA) than that. But again, I'm here to have fun, to maintain old friendships, entertain and inform others; I enjoy doing that, that's why I like Dimensions.

Perhaps another part of the reason I and others of the "old guard" may feel "out of place" (certainly more so than in the past...) is the recent large influx of new members. One thing I mentioned in the "introduction thread" a while back is that maybe we need to have some sort of "adopt a newbee" thing to help the oldies meet the newbees, and help the newbees get a feel of the place.

Simply asking yourself "Why do I keep returning to Dimensions" will quickly help you re-discover the good things about this place during your darkest of moments. That's what has worked for me. Dimensions is obviously an imperfect place, but apparently good enough to attract tens of thousands of members. Conrad must be doing something right...


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## stan_der_man

Susannah said:


> I am wonderful thank you Cookie. Today is my 38th birthday. Yep I am milking it for all it is worth.



Speaking of lovely ladies... I owe you some of my usual low brow birthday greetings and bling for your b-day... Haven't had a chance to pop over to MySpace yet...




... and speaking of old friends... I haven't said hello to you for a while Bafta1! I hope all is going well!


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## KHayes666

For me its all about age.

Everyone generally has known each other for a long time so they tend to hang around or chat with the people they know. Not just being in the same chat, but the general age difference and being in tune with experiences that someone younger can't relate to.

I've been told so many times "oh you're soooo young and cute, my daughter would love you" or "you're a little young for me honey" or "if only you were older" and it drives me crazy.

Not saying everyone is like this, don't get me wrong. But generally my experiences stem from being "the new guy" more or less. I'm all about paying my dues or whatever but at least don't be so quick to write me off if I happen to be born the same year you graduated high school lol


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## BeaBea

Dimensions is my home on the net. I tend to think of it a bit like a favourite coffee shop. Sometimes I dive into a conversation with a bunch of regulars, sometimes I'll chat to a stranger and sometimes I just drink my coffee and kind of watch the world go past. I do find the atmosphere in Hyde Park to be unbearable and I regret it every time I venture in there - if anything about that place makes me happy it is that the majority of the nasty snarky stuff is contained in one, easily ignorable place.

Other than that, hmmm, well I do find Dimensions very USA-centric at times. I am NOT complaining about this, just stating it as the opinion of an English person who finds herself often explaining about how the NHS isn't 'free' or what marmite is or some other quirky English idiosyncracy. If I wanted to get down right petty I would also mention that the spell-checker is especially anti-English and it's always telling me I'm spelling words wrong when I'm not! For some reason no matter how many times I shout at the screen that it's wrong and I'm right it just doesnt listen!


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## Shosh

BeaBea said:


> Dimensions is my home on the net. I tend to think of it a bit like a favourite coffee shop. Sometimes I dive into a conversation with a bunch of regulars, sometimes I'll chat to a stranger and sometimes I just drink my coffee and kind of watch the world go past. I do find the atmosphere in Hyde Park to be unbearable and I regret it every time I venture in there - if anything about that place makes me happy it is that the majority of the nasty snarky stuff is contained in one, easily ignorable place.
> 
> Other than that, hmmm, well I do find Dimensions very USA-centric at times. I am NOT complaining about this, just stating it as the opinion of an English person who finds herself often explaining about how the NHS isn't 'free' or what marmite is or some other quirky English idiosyncracy. If I wanted to get down right petty I would also mention that the spell-checker is especially anti-English and it's always telling me I'm spelling words wrong when I'm not! For some reason no matter how many times I shout at the screen that it's wrong and I'm right it just doesnt listen!




Yes me too Traci. We spell center, centre. We spell color, colour etc etc.
Bloody Yanks!

Well Traci you have Donni, who is pretty British now.


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## stan_der_man

BeaBea said:


> ...
> Other than that, hmmm, well I do find Dimensions very USA-centric at times. I am NOT complaining about this, just stating it as the opinion of an English person who finds herself often explaining
> ...



I have to confess... that dessert named "spotted dick" always makes me giggle...


I know, that's very American of me.





And yes BeaBea... "Smoking a fag" here at Dimensions will get you banned!


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## TropicalFish

I do feel very welcome by everyone here, but I can understand feeling out of place just based on certain circumstances. For me, I have never encountered so many people who accept and actually like fatness so it's a new thing for me to get used to (if I dare let myself).


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## stan_der_man

Susannah said:


> Yes me too Traci. We spell center, centre. We spell color, colour etc etc.
> Bloody Yanks!
> 
> Well Traci you have Donni, who is pretty British now.



Oh yes, the backwards "re" in words like centre, theatre...



and that extra "u" in words like "color"... in the long run it's a waste of toner adding extra letters! I think we Americans are just more efficient... 


Either that or the folks back in the Colonial days just couldn't spell.


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## Crystal

Violet_Beauregard said:


> But it never ceases to amaze me at the number of "friend requests" that I get thru MySpace from 18-30 year old guys. Don't get me wrong... I'm flattered that they find me attractive, but seriously... my age (44) is stated right there on the front of my page... do they REALLY want to have a relationship with someone MY age? No... they want to get laid. Period. Well, youngsters, it isn't going to happen with me. If I can't have an adult conversation with you, and if I have to explain to you who the Banana Splitz and the Monkees were.... then we aren't going to be "hooking up" in the near future.




I know exactly how you feel, Violet. It's backward for me, though. I'm a sophomore in college. I'll be 19 in July. I've lost count the number of myspace friend requests from men over 40, and most of those men are married. I realize that I am on the young end of the spectrum here at Dims, and I also realize that being 40 is no where near approaching "old", but it would be nicely appreciated if I was approached by men that I may actually have a chance of dating. In other words, ones who aren't married or older than my own father. 

Friendship is one thing, but some of these myspace messages are "extra" friendly...


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## Violet_Beauregard

Oh yeah... they definitely make their intentions clear. I get a lot of married guys too.... amazing....







CrystalUT11 said:


> I know exactly how you feel, Violet. It's backward for me, though. I'm a sophomore in college. I'll be 19 in July. I've lost count the number of myspace friend requests from men over 40, and most of those men are married. I realize that I am on the young end of the spectrum here at Dims, and I also realize that being 40 is no where near approaching "old", but it would be nicely appreciated if I was approached by men that I may actually have a chance of dating. In other words, ones who aren't married or older than my own father.
> 
> Friendship is one thing, but some of these myspace messages are "extra" friendly...


----------



## Friday

Eeeeuuwww, either way. I'm all for reasonable age differences since I'm 5 years older than the hubby, but a 40 something hitting on a teen or close or vice versa is sad and kinda creepy no matter who's the oldest (_most_ of the time, I realize there are exceptions but *not* between total strangers). And married people going behind their spouses/SO's backs? Single people hitting on people they know aren't single? That's just disgusting. I think we ought to out every poster/lurker we know that fits into these categories.

No doubt this will offend some, but I can also guess that most of those offended will be offenders.


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## Wagimawr

I'm for outing them. Crystal's a great friend of mine and I introduced her to Dims, hoping that she'd meet some other guys who thought like me, as well as wanting to share with a friend a community that's given me years of pleasure; for her to come here and immediately be seen as "fresh meat" for the 40-something married lurker population is quite "eeeeuuwww" indeed.

Addressing anything to the majority of these men probably does no good, but I'll say this: STOP IT.

I know it happens to more than just the youngins, too; I've talked with enough Dimmers to know, and I'm totally up for outting any of these guys we can find.


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## Littleghost

fa_man_stan said:


> Oh yes, the backwards "re" in words like centre, theatre...
> 
> 
> 
> and that extra "u" in words like "color"... in the long run it's a waste of toner adding extra letters! I think we Americans are just more efficient...
> 
> 
> Either that or the folks back in the Colonial days just couldn't spell.



O.K. was Andrew Jackson's abbreviation for everything's "oll korrect."


----------



## Spanky

KHayes666 said:


> For me its all about age.
> 
> Everyone generally has known each other for a long time so they tend to hang around or chat with the people they know. Not just being in the same chat, but the general age difference and being in tune with experiences that someone younger can't relate to.
> 
> I've been told so many times "oh you're soooo young and cute, my daughter would love you" or "you're a little young for me honey" or "if only you were older" and it drives me crazy.
> 
> Not saying everyone is like this, don't get me wrong. But generally my experiences stem from being "the new guy" more or less. I'm all about paying my dues or whatever but at least don't be so quick to write me off if I happen to be born the same year you graduated high school lol



K,

I think you hit on some key points. At first, I enjoyed discussions with people I would normally have no contact with in the United States or anywhere in the world. Maybe a woman of 26 or a man of 70 or a married guy of 45. Maybe an African American woman or man. Sometimes just listening to all of their viewpoints was like a window into the real tapestry of society. 

But then things can get a little odd over time. Too much on the surface discussion with a younger woman, single as a married 40 yr old man only goes so far. Probably because it should be unsettling after awhile to the married man and she might find it downright yucky if something is said wrong or misinterpreted. So I think that as a man in a similar situation as Stan, some relationships stand firm at Dims because they are safe and others come and go as they should. Kind of like sitting on a transatlantic flight with a nice single person of the opposite sex. A nice conversation might occur over several hours, but when the plane lands, you both naturally go in opposite directions. 

I agree that the younger group has a lot to say and should say it. They are (mostly) single, eager, excited, energetic and have great ideas. The older group also has a lot to say, has been through the wringer, school of hard knocks, seen it before, etc. That wisdom can be drawn out by the younger crowd in certain instances and should be listened to. 

I am glad someone said 40 isn't old. It is kinda old. But everyone here, god willing, will be 40 some day. Maybe yesterday. Maybe right now. Maybe tomorrow. 

Stan? I need that Geritol back!


----------



## Suze

Most of the time I don't, but I DO occasionally feel like an outsider because of my location & language. My level of intelligence doesen't exactly shine through when I mess up has/have etc, so I mostly lurk in the serious threads and rarely make long, insightful posts. (Question is; would I have done that anyways if the circumstances were different?)

*More reasons:*
***I'm not really used to communicate on the intarwebz and don't know an awful lot about netiquette. Guess that can be a bit annoying sometimes. :blush: Does occasionally get misunderstood and prob offend as well.  
*** Did choose body type too. Dunno...feels awkward saying this, but sometimes I feel like I'm a bit too small for this place. After reading some of the threads I know that my life is quite different from most of the others here...that makes me feel like my contributions aren't important or relevant enough. 
***I haven't met anyone IRL and doesen't have close contact with anyone. (Except for one luffable lad:happyThat makes me feel left out from time to time off course. 
*** I know that my 2nd language handicap contributes to not getting all the social "codes". 

DO I NEED SOME CHEESE WITH THIS WHINE?

Again, most of the time I *don't* feel like an outsider.
I'm very glad this place exists. 

*Starts humming on We're All In This Together *


----------



## mossystate

I get the desire to do that..BUT...that is one slippery slope. I will just leave it at that. Hopefully, people can find out the absolute sneakers, on their own. * eta...oops...I mean the outing people..

As for fitting in..I sometimes feel like an ' outsider ', even though I have been here for years. Some of that is my doing, so I am not going to sit here and whine too much about it. One thing.....as a 46 year old single woman...I feel a bit on the outside, looking in..again..at times. I think it is great that so many more young people have found the place. I also see how the marrieds, and those with SO's, seem to have a solid place here. 

I suppose it all depends on why a person is here. I know that if I were actively ' looking ' for a man, I have been here long enough to see that the odds would be against me...not impossible..just...would not bet on it. Dims, seen through my eyes, is ripe for younger and ' taken ' ( again...for the most part..etc..etc..IMO...YMMV..lol ). As for enjoying a good number of people...I am quite satisfied.


----------



## Spanky

susieQ said:


> Most of the time I don't, but I DO occasionally feel like an outsider because of my location & language. My level of intelligence doesen't exactly shine through when I mess up has/have etc, so I mostly lurk in the serious threads and rarely make long, insightful posts. (Question is; would I have done that anyways if the circumstances were different?)
> 
> *More reasons:*
> ***I'm not really used to communicate on the intarwebz and don't know an awful lot about netiquette. Guess that can be a bit annoying sometimes. :blush: Does occasionally get misunderstood and prob offend as well.
> *** Did choose body type too. Dunno...feels awkward saying this, but sometimes I feel like I'm a bit too small for this place. After reading some of the threads I know that my life is quite different from most of the others here...that makes me feel like my contributions aren't important or relevant enough.
> ***I haven't met anyone IRL and doesen't have close contact with anyone. (Except for one luffable lad:happyThat makes me feel left out from time to time off course.
> *** I know that my 2nd language handicap contributes to not getting all the social "codes".
> 
> DO I NEED SOME CHEESE WITH THIS WHINE?
> 
> Again, most of the time I *don't* feel like an outsider.
> I'm very glad this place exists.
> 
> *Starts humming on We're All In This Together *



If it is any consolation, I would never guessed that you were anything but an English speaker. 

Seriously. :bow:


----------



## Wagimawr

mossystate said:


> I get the desire to do that..BUT...that is one slippery slope. I will just leave it at that. Hopefully, people can find out the absolute sneakers, on their own.


Doesn't have to be a public outing, certainly, cause I definitely see the slippery slope aspect there.


----------



## Suze

Spanky said:


> If it is any consolation, I would never guessed that you were anything but an English speaker.
> 
> Seriously. :bow:



I probably spent 1 1/5 hour on that post, but thanks.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Wagimawr said:


> I'm for outing them. Crystal's a great friend of mine and I introduced her to Dims, hoping that she'd meet some other guys who thought like me, as well as wanting to share with a friend a community that's given me years of pleasure; for her to come here and immediately be seen as "fresh meat" for the 40-something married lurker population is quite "eeeeuuwww" indeed.
> 
> Addressing anything to the majority of these men probably does no good, but I'll say this: STOP IT.
> 
> I know it happens to more than just the youngins, too; I've talked with enough Dimmers to know, and I'm totally up for outting any of these guys we can find.



So, at what point does it start to become creepy to message some one out of the blue like this and who can do it so it won't be creepy? I'm just curious, because I don't want to be lumped into this category.


----------



## pudgy

I chose "other" for the poll. Though for the most part I feel accepted and liked enough, I think that there's just a tad bit of fear when it comes to making posts, starting threads, or sending PM's. I see these posters with these outrageous post counts and I immediately get nervous. They have inside jokes, they have the respect and friendship of other posters with outrageous post counts, and they have the currency to spend (so to speak) that if they say something a little out-of-line, they'll be forgiven.

As for me, I feel that if I ever hit that 1,000 post mark, I still feel like I'd be left out. Not because someone intentionally left me out, but rather because I'd still be scared to try to join the good-ole'-gang. Is the Good-Ole'-Gang intentionally making people scared or nervous? Of course not! They're just enjoying their online home. But though I may be an extrovert in person, I feel so much more confined online. You can't see my face, hear my tone of voice. You don't know my worldview, my heart, my intention. And thus I'm afraid I'll always just be a pipsqueak of a poster, occasionally making witty statements, but most of the time not. Occasionally something pithy and deep, but most of the time just black text that someone will skim over.

But that's okay. It's fun to read everyone else's text, to check the User CP and smile at some new rep, to dance in anticipation of whether or not some hot girl PM'd me or not, to be a part of a community that sees big as beautiful and beautiful as abundance.


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## Wagimawr

I know the feeling, BGB; I'm pretty sure being MARRIED (and I'm talking seriously married, not married but separated until you can make a legal break) is a good way to be put into that category.


----------



## KHayes666

Spanky said:


> K,
> 
> I think you hit on some key points. At first, I enjoyed discussions with people I would normally have no contact with in the United States or anywhere in the world. Maybe a woman of 26 or a man of 70 or a married guy of 45. Maybe an African American woman or man. Sometimes just listening to all of their viewpoints was like a window into the real tapestry of society.
> 
> But then things can get a little odd over time. Too much on the surface discussion with a younger woman, single as a married 40 yr old man only goes so far. Probably because it should be unsettling after awhile to the married man and she might find it downright yucky if something is said wrong or misinterpreted. So I think that as a man in a similar situation as Stan, some relationships stand firm at Dims because they are safe and others come and go as they should. Kind of like sitting on a transatlantic flight with a nice single person of the opposite sex. A nice conversation might occur over several hours, but when the plane lands, you both naturally go in opposite directions.
> 
> I agree that the younger group has a lot to say and should say it. They are (mostly) single, eager, excited, energetic and have great ideas. The older group also has a lot to say, has been through the wringer, school of hard knocks, seen it before, etc. That wisdom can be drawn out by the younger crowd in certain instances and should be listened to.
> 
> I am glad someone said 40 isn't old. It is kinda old. But everyone here, god willing, will be 40 some day. Maybe yesterday. Maybe right now. Maybe tomorrow.
> 
> Stan? I need that Geritol back!



The younger group is scarce indeed, maybe we need to dissappear for a while.......JUST AS SOON AS I BELONG, THEN ITS TIME I DISSAPPEAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR *head bangs*


----------



## Keb

I love Hyde Park because I'm just that sort of person, but I often do feel like my political views are way different from most of the Dimensions crowd. So while I enjoy the debate, I do feel out of place at times, and occasionally have to back down or stop enjoying a thread because it's difficult, emotionally, to defend a point of view against a crowd. I don't always feel that I fit in elsewhere because I'm not so secure in my fatness as others are.


----------



## Ruffie

If we all who at times have felt marginalized because;
Our opinions are different than "popular" folks here
We aren't "big enough or too big" to be here.
We live "too far away" to meet people in real life cause we don't have the resources to get to bashes and conferences. 
We are "too old or too young" to fit in.
And then add any of the laundry list of things that people have posted in this and other threads.
What if we as a whole continued to stick it out for the good of Dimensions? As someone who has been here over a decade now(through Beseen chat back in the day), I of course have met people who do/did not like me. COnversly there are those that I have not wanted to really associate with. But do I take my football and go play elsewhere? NO, Hell no! I have a right to meet and be with people I enjoy and to express my opinions, thoughts, joy and sadness, make friends and give and get support.

I love the quote by Gandi "Be the change you want to see in this world"

By being here and contributing in the way we want to see here on the forums and in chat, we allow others of like mind to feel comfortable to do the same. I am polite to everyone, chat extensively to people I have formed bonds with, post when I think my contribution to a thread will truly be a contribution and hold my tongue when I think what I have to say can cause a problem. 
Just something to think about.
Ruth


----------



## SMA413

BothGunsBlazing said:


> So, at what point does it start to become creepy to message some one out of the blue like this and who can do it so it won't be creepy? I'm just curious, because I don't want to be lumped into this category.




IMO, BGB- your av is a little creepy...  
What's creepier is that I still see it all the time on my photobucket account. 


But seriously, I think it really depends on what the message says and the sender's insistency. For example, "Hey, just wanted to tell you I thought such-and-such pic was cute." isn't so creepy. Now, if it was sent like a million times, it would definitely become creepy, especially if they hadn't really received a response.

And then there's always just blatant creepiness that makes you want to change your name and move out of state.



But going back to the topic at hand, I sometimes feel out of place, but it's not always a specific reason. Just my own insecurities. 

I think I feel most out of place after Dims bashes/get-togethers. I think it's more of a jealousy thing. I really really want to meet all of y'all because it seems like y'all are hilarious, fun people. 

I DEFINITELY feel out of place in Hyde Park. Maybe I'm just too laid-back, but everyone there is so opinionated and mean. I'm all for everyone having their own opinion, but it feels like posting there is just lining myself up for execution.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

BGB you're pretty safe. You won't be lumped into that category. You interact with everyone and talk about everything. The creepy guys that I want to avoid... send me PMs or on MySpace will message and immediately start out staying how hot I am and how he would bet he and I could have a really "hot" time together. They may make very very cursory small talk, but primarily the conversation (if you want to call it that) is about sex. They have no desire AT ALL in getting to know me as a person. If a nice guy wants to compliment me because he thinks I'm pretty, great... go for it. But don't ask me what kind of lingerie I'm going to wear on our first date.... in the first message that you send me. I'll give you an example of a message I received about a month ago. 

He had sent a friend request which I approved. 

The guy: "Thanks for the add... you're pretty fuckin' hot... I love your tits"

me: "uhhh... thanks?"

The guy: "no thank YOU.... I'd love to see them in person. I'll bet you suck c**k pretty well, huh?"

me: "who in the hell do you think you are? what would make you think it's okay to ask me something like that?"

I didn't wait for a response.... I blocked him.

He was about 30 ish years old. 

THAT is a great example of a creepy guy coming on VERY wrong....

I'll repeat... I think you're safe.... 




BothGunsBlazing said:


> So, at what point does it start to become creepy to message some one out of the blue like this and who can do it so it won't be creepy? I'm just curious, because I don't want to be lumped into this category.


----------



## Spanky

Violet_Beauregard said:


> BGB you're pretty safe. You won't be lumped into that category. You interact with everyone and talk about everything. The creepy guys that I want to avoid... send me PMs or on MySpace will message and immediately start out staying how hot I am and how he would bet he and I could have a really "hot" time together. They may make very very cursory small talk, but primarily the conversation (if you want to call it that) is about sex. They have no desire AT ALL in getting to know me as a person. If a nice guy wants to compliment me because he thinks I'm pretty, great... go for it. But don't ask me what kind of lingerie I'm going to wear on our first date.... in the first message that you send me. I'll give you an example of a message I received about a month ago.
> 
> He had sent a friend request which I approved.
> 
> The guy: "Thanks for the add... you're pretty fuckin' hot... I love your tits"
> 
> me: "uhhh... thanks?"
> 
> The guy: "no thank YOU.... I'd love to see them in person. I'll bet you suck c**k pretty well, huh?"
> 
> me: "who in the hell do you think you are? what would make you think it's okay to ask me something like that?"
> 
> I didn't wait for a response.... I blocked him.
> 
> He was about 30 ish years old.
> 
> THAT is a great example of a creepy guy coming on VERY wrong....
> 
> I'll repeat... I think you're safe....




W.T.F!

Vi, what is this? Guys thinking they can get some this way?? I mean the stinkiest chum will attract some fish. But really, it is almost laughable to the point of not being serious. I mean is is stupidity, do they think this is the right way to go? Luckily these guys are the easy ones to spot and block. The scary ones must be the ones who work the talk correctly and then show their spots in person or after you have committed more time and effort. 

Jackasses. Every last one of them.


----------



## Crystal

Spanky said:


> W.T.F!
> 
> Vi, what is this? Guys thinking they can get some this way?? I mean the stinkiest chum will attract some fish. But really, it is almost laughable to the point of not being serious. I mean is is stupidity, do they think this is the right way to go? Luckily these guys are the easy ones to spot and block. The scary ones must be the ones who work the talk correctly and then show their spots in person or after you have committed more time and effort.
> 
> Jackasses. Every last one of them.



I absolutely agree.

It happens a lot more than some may think, too.

A few days ago, I received a similar message. After two minutes of conversation, he was planning a trip to come see me so he could "plow into me good."

...umm, no thanks.

What's worse is that he was 45 and married.

Very disconcerting and after receiving so many others like these, it almost makes a girl want to give up...


----------



## Suze

Violet_Beauregard said:


> BGB you're pretty safe. You won't be lumped into that category. You interact with everyone and talk about everything. The creepy guys that I want to avoid... send me PMs or on MySpace will message and immediately start out staying how hot I am and how he would bet he and I could have a really "hot" time together. They may make very very cursory small talk, but primarily the conversation (if you want to call it that) is about sex. They have no desire AT ALL in getting to know me as a person. If a nice guy wants to compliment me because he thinks I'm pretty, great... go for it. But don't ask me what kind of lingerie I'm going to wear on our first date.... in the first message that you send me. I'll give you an example of a message I received about a month ago.
> 
> He had sent a friend request which I approved.
> 
> The guy: "Thanks for the add... you're pretty fuckin' hot... I love your tits"
> 
> me: "uhhh... thanks?"
> 
> The guy: "no thank YOU.... I'd love to see them in person. I'll bet you suck c**k pretty well, huh?"
> 
> me: "who in the hell do you think you are? what would make you think it's okay to ask me something like that?"
> 
> I didn't wait for a response.... I blocked him.
> 
> He was about 30 ish years old.
> 
> THAT is a great example of a creepy guy coming on VERY wrong....
> 
> I'll repeat... I think you're safe....



Stupid it has to be that way.
This is one of the reasons I don't have a myspace and never post hawt pics! 

If it's seriously bothering you, then I suggest you close your account. Simple as that.


----------



## Isa

I have all but stopped posting here due to everything you two mentioned and more. The main reason I'm making this one is to remove the "you have not posted on our forums in several weeks" message. 

I have been around DIM for over ten years and the current level of ugliness is just insane. It has been bad at times in the past but now......jeez. Part of me believes it's due to the increase of younger posters (while entertaining the "I know it all" attitude and lack of respect towards those that disagree with them gets old really quick) but even some veterans have gone for broke lately especially in Hyde Park. While HP is supposed to be the Wild, Wild, West it has gone beyond that. Opinions are not respected, differences are not respected, hell it appears that nothing is respected any more unless one is in lock step with the status quo.

While I still love the idea of the forum, the love I have for it has decreased. This saddens me but I keep logging in hoping one day to see a change. 





Violet_Beauregard said:


> Speaking for myself only.... I have felt extremely out of place in the last few months.
> 
> I tend to feel a bit out of place because there are so many who actually "know" each other, in "real" life, as opposed to the internet. I find I have trouble getting involved in some discussions, because it's clear that the discussion is an "inside" thing. I don't necessarily have a problem with that, but it can be tough to get involved.
> 
> That said... there are some VERY VERY VERY nice people here, who have been extremely kind to me, and I have NO complaints about that. I appreciate everyone being so friendly and nice. I've posted a fair amount of pictures, and I've always gotten very wonderful compliments, which I greatly appreciate. I try to return those comments and compliments to everyone else as well, because I do know how good they make ME feel... I know others would like to receive the same.
> 
> I find that I don't feel my posts are "clever" enough... that what I have to say seems insignificant, compared to what some of the others have posted. So rather than post something stupid or insignificant, I don't post at all. I like reading what everyone else posts, but I keep my thoughts to myself, unless something really strikes me. I do worry that I come across badly because I don't get involved more. I don't want to be seen as snobby or better than anyone else. That's not the case at all, I just don't feel as smart some others here. So I just read a lot.
> 
> I've cut back my posting in the last few months... specifically for one reason. I cannot tolerate the rude, nasty comments that go flying around periodically. (not at me, thank goodness) Internet or not, I don't see the need to be flat out rude to someone because you don't like their post, or you think they said something that's aimed at you. What usually follows is back and forth posts trading insults...each one getting progressively more nasty and rude. I can't stand it. I have said this about people in every day society.... when did it become okay to be rude to people?
> 
> I also realize that somethings are said to be a joke or said sarcastically.... but, being written as opposed to being spoken... one doesn't hear the vocal inflection to know that it was intended to be a joke or was said sarcastically. I think that starts a lot of nasty discussion.
> 
> Generally I enjoy being here... I just would like to feel more comfortable in the discussions.





Ruffie said:


> Can't rep you, must spread some more around before giving some to you again. But I think what you said was right on the money. There have been alot of that nastiness hanging about in these forums of late. It is a turn off, cause I think that alot more can be said and it hits home more effectively if done with some modicum of decorum and restraint. Negativity breeds negativity and often people respond in that manner and as you mentioned it gets into a fest of comments that have very little to do with the intent of the posters or even the origional intent of the thread.
> I for one am thankful to those that are willing to speak their minds with grace and dignity as you do and wanted to let you know that
> Ruth


----------



## Punkin1024

I don't always feel out of place here, but when I do, I believe it is age and relationship related. I am one of the oldest, married ones here. I'm 51 years old and hubby and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary this year. I do cherish the friendships I've formed here and I really do enjoy reading posts from people from all walks of life and from all over the world. Some of the posts are difficult to read all the way through (especially engineer talk ), but ya know, I've picked up some very interesting information from those threads. I may not always post, but if I appreciate comments, I'll rep or post. I do wish I could meet many of you all in person, and maybe someday I'll be able to do just that. In the meantime, I'll keep reading and posting because I do LOVE this community.

~Punkin


----------



## Tina

Keb said:


> I love Hyde Park because I'm just that sort of person, but I often do feel like my political views are way different from most of the Dimensions crowd. So while I enjoy the debate, I do feel out of place at times, and occasionally have to back down or stop enjoying a thread because it's difficult, emotionally, to defend a point of view against a crowd. I don't always feel that I fit in elsewhere because I'm not so secure in my fatness as others are.


Keb, I know your opinion often differs from the vocal majority, but I like that it does. I get really bored when it's just people agreeing with each other -- not that I want fights mind you! -- but I've always valued diversity and that means in opinion, too. Makes life more interesting.

As for me, no, I rarely feel out of place. And when I do, it's often my own, self-imposed mindset.


----------



## Friday

I think it's silly to attack Hyde Park. It was put there for exactly the purpose it serves, to keep political/religious debate off the rest of the boards. Yeah, I post there sometimes and sometimes I avoid it like the plague. It's no different than the paysite or weight boards though, if it's not your cuppa just don't go there.

Some debate is always going to occur when you bring a large group (and THIS is a LARGE group hyuk, hyuk, hyuk ) of diverse people together. I hate to think how boring it would be and how quickly the conversational portions of the board would die without our differences as well as our alikenesses. What fun would the hot boy/girl threads be if we all posted the same picture? How would we have food porn if we all liked the same flavor ice cream?

And Pudgy...:blush:...some of us just talk too much.


----------



## Keb

*hugs* Thanks for the support, guys. I love the debates in Hyde Park, honest I do, just sometimes I do feel out of place because I'm the odd pickle. And sometimes I do need to back away from it, which really annoys me because I don't want to.


----------



## kioewen

I ticked political views. My impression is that the board is generally very left-leaning, whereas I'm quite conservative -- although not particularly American conservative. (Remember that "test" that floated around here a while back? I scored centrist there, but only because the right-leaning questions presupposed an American orientation.) It floats into the general attitude here towards size-acceptance, and what attitude one should have towards people who are propagating the thin-centric ideal (i.e., tolerance even towards individuals and groups who are _in_tolerant, which is an attitude that doesn't strike me as stragetically effective, leaving aside its good intentions).


----------



## Tina

Keb, we all do what we have to, eh? I'd never try to talk you out of doing what feels right to you, but just want you to know that some of us value a different opinion even if we don't always agree. Spice of life and all that.


----------



## calauria

I feel left out...people that I have chatted with a few times don't remember who I am sometimes, but I still come around every once in a while...


----------



## Shosh

Sometimes I feel that I have to justify my presence here as I have since had to lose weight, and people may wonder why I am even here.
I feel safe and comfortable here as I have said before, amongst those that have lived life being overweight and supersized, as I lived it for a long time.
I have come to really respect and care a lot about my online friends here.

I am not here for a hookup. I am here to converse everyday with my mates here.


----------



## asmodeus

FreeThinker said:


> The attached poll allows for multiple answers, and is anonymous.
> 
> 
> 
> Whilst reading another thread, I noticed a poster saying that, while Dimensions is something of an "online home", this person always feels like a bit of an outsider looking in.
> 
> In a response, another poster, in offerring reassurance, referred to this first person as one of "the old guard".
> 
> 
> Eureka.
> 
> 
> Could it be simply that older folks like the poster in question (and myself) feel somewhat "outside" more because of *where* Dimensions is rather than _*what*_ Dimensions is?
> 
> 
> Dimensions is an internet-based forum.
> 
> 
> Well, duh.
> 
> 
> The significance of that, however, may be that, to the younger generation, being on the internet means being *with* people, yet, to us older folk (despite our protestations that we are modern thinkers who have adapted to the changing times), being on the internet means being *away from* people.
> 
> Do those of us who are "of a certain age" view the mere act of being online as an antisocial activity rather than a social one?
> 
> Maybe it's just my bias showing, as a 41-year-old who has only been online for a little over three years.
> 
> I can't help thinking of posting on Dimensions (or any web forum, although this is the only one in which I regularly participate) more as walking onto a stage, whereas I think the younger folk may view it more as entering a room. The feeling of cameraderie, of intimacy and immediacy, is more natural, perhaps, to those who have had this medium available for a greater portion of their lives.
> 
> I am often surprised (and gladdened) by how quickly and easily some young new posters seem to fit into our community (even calling it "our community" seems presumptuous on my part), particularly in light of my continuing sense of being "the new guy" here.
> 
> 
> 
> Am I out of my head, or could there be something to this?


I feel out of place too. Rightly or wrongly, my reading of various threads indicates the preponderance of other groups than my own. This is great for them and to be encouraged. However, my personal desire is to communicate with ladies who are a) pleasingly plump and who b) find chunky men with rather large tummies attractive. However, Dimensions communications do not seem to include people who fit both of these criteria. I would love to find out that I am wrong!


----------



## asmodeus

I too feel guys are no more than tolerated. As a man who finds plump ladies very attractive, I see them mainly communicating with each other. Interestingly in the survey the biggest reply category is "other". Maybe a second stage of survey to examine that area would be useful?


----------



## mossystate

asmodeus said:


> I too feel guys are no more than tolerated. As a man who finds plump ladies very attractive, I see them mainly communicating with each other. Interestingly in the survey the biggest reply category is "other". Maybe a second stage of survey to examine that area would be useful?



Could I ask what it is you expect from the women out here? I really want to know. Are you here to also talk with men?


----------



## asmodeus

mossystate said:


> Could I ask what it is you expect from the women out here? I really want to know. Are you here to also talk with men?


Thank you for your response - this is the first time that any of my posts has received a reply. What am I looking for? Probably nothing very unusual - just a mix of self-acceptance, acceptance from others, then one step on, contact with someone who is like minded. Other men? No - not really - I am not being discourteous when I say that my focus in only on ladies, as this is the direction in which I seek acceptance and interaction.


----------



## Friday

Soooo, this isn't a community for you, it's more of a potential dating pool?


----------



## wrestlingguy

asmodeus said:


> Thank you for your response - this is the first time that any of my posts has received a reply. What am I looking for? Probably nothing very unusual - just a mix of self-acceptance, acceptance from others, then one step on, contact with someone who is like minded. Other men? No - not really - I am not being discourteous when I say that my focus in only on ladies, as this is the direction in which I seek acceptance and interaction.



May I ask if acceptance from others that you refer to includes acceptance by other men, or only the women?

I was talking with someone at the Memeorial Day Bash this past weekend, and the subject came up about FA's talking amongst themselves. When I first came to Dimenstions back in '98, a lot of the guys would talk, either in chat, or on MSN or Yahoo Messenger (can you also remember ICQ?). It seemed like a lot of us were relatively new at this, and wanted to l*earn* more about our preference for fat women. 

Granted, I talked with more ladies than men, but there was almost a sense of community among the guys back then that doesn't exist today. I for one, miss that. I learned a lot from some of the other men during my early days here. It wasn't just "boys club" talk. We policed the old chat room from the trolls (anyone remember the legendary Mighty Joe Young?), and shared experiences with each other. Don't get me wrong, we talked about how hawt the ladies looked, but we also talked about everything else under the sun.

I think that the cameraderie between the guys here has gone the way of the Yugo, and I don't know if it will ever be seen again.


----------



## PolarKat

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I personally don't feel left out, but then .. I am pretty much a loud mouth, so I don't count.
> 
> I had this really long thought out post typed out until I realized that .. yeah, I do understand how difficult it can be to fit in and to put yourself out there, but I also am going to say some people just get off on martyrdom and like to complain about not fitting in and don't do anything about it .. even when handed an olive branch to do just that.
> 
> aka - http://dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=40953



I tried, and was tossed a backhanded insult on that thread for some of the pics I posted, I played nice and brushed it off.. then the tread was hijacked and turned into guess if it's a man or woman.. only thing missing was shaved wookies..
Your olive branch was snipped pretty quickly..


----------



## moore2me

asmodeus said:


> I too feel guys are no more than tolerated. As a man who finds plump ladies very attractive, I see them mainly communicating with each other. Interestingly in the survey the biggest reply category is "other". Maybe a second stage of survey to examine that area would be useful?





asmodeus said:


> Thank you for your response - this is the first time that any of my posts has received a reply. What am I looking for? Probably nothing very unusual - just a mix of self-acceptance, acceptance from others, then one step on, contact with someone who is like minded. Other men? No - not really - I am not being discourteous when I say that my focus in only on ladies, as this is the direction in which I seek acceptance and interaction.



Dear Asmodeus,

I am not picking on you, but do have a few suggestions for your plight. For your posts to get a reply, you should ask a question. And, it should be not just a theoretical question, it should be a concrete or intriguing question. If you want ladies to answer your question, it should be something that the majority of women are concerned or interested in (not rugby, cigars, jock itch, etc.). And as Violet so clearly demonstrated, nothing creepy either - that's a major turn off.

For example, I noticed you are from the UK. Your question might be, Do you think women belong as Beefeaters in the Queen's guards? And/or Do you think our economy should still be supporting such obvious pomp and ceremony? (This could even be a separate thread in Hyde Park.)

Another example might be, (speaking in your voice) I am planning a surprise anniversary party for my mom and dad. They have been married for 40 years. Since I only have a masculine view of parties, what do you ladies think would be something nice to plan for them? (The party is in one month.) This would be posted in the Lounge.


----------



## prickly

.........i mean, it's been AGES since a hot woman (age realllyyyyy not important) has come on to me!!!! wtf???


----------



## NancyGirl74

Spanky said:


> One thing a few of the ladies have mentioned to me in private, is the almost daily barrage of "come ons" PMed to them.





Violet_Beauregard said:


> I can vouch for this... it happens to me daily... either thru Dimensions, or most often thru MySpace.



Daily come ons???? What the hell am I doing wrong!?!?!? :doh:


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

Oh yeah... that was one of the worst... I get a lot that aren't quite that bad... it still absolutely amazes me. I've been on MySpace since the first of the year, and in that amount of time, I've definitely learned to spot them right off the bat. This is AFTER I've had that type of experience, as well as the ones who are a bit smoother and then show their spots after I've put some time and effort into it. It's frustrating. 



Spanky said:


> W.T.F!
> 
> Vi, what is this? Guys thinking they can get some this way?? I mean the stinkiest chum will attract some fish. But really, it is almost laughable to the point of not being serious. I mean is is stupidity, do they think this is the right way to go? Luckily these guys are the easy ones to spot and block. The scary ones must be the ones who work the talk correctly and then show their spots in person or after you have committed more time and effort.
> 
> Jackasses. Every last one of them.






It is stupid, you're right. I have pics on there, but they're VERY average... nothing like I'd post on here. I can't even imagine what would happen if I posted those type on there. 

It's not bothering me to the point of wanting to close my account.... but I'm definitely MUCH more careful when someone approaches me.



susieQ said:


> Stupid it has to be that way.
> This is one of the reasons I don't have a myspace and never post hawt pics!
> 
> If it's seriously bothering you, then I suggest you close your account. Simple as that.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

I'm hoping for a change too.... 




Isa said:


> I have all but stopped posting here due to everything you two mentioned and more. The main reason I'm making this one is to remove the "you have not posted on our forums in several weeks" message.
> 
> I have been around DIM for over ten years and the current level of ugliness is just insane. It has been bad at times in the past but now......jeez. Part of me believes it's due to the increase of younger posters (while entertaining the "I know it all" attitude and lack of respect towards those that disagree with them gets old really quick) but even some veterans have gone for broke lately especially in Hyde Park. While HP is supposed to be the Wild, Wild, West it has gone beyond that. Opinions are not respected, differences are not respected, hell it appears that nothing is respected any more unless one is in lock step with the status quo.
> 
> While I still love the idea of the forum, the love I have for it has decreased. This saddens me but I keep logging in hoping one day to see a change.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Whoa, so many people chose out of place. 

That is unfortunate, but maybe by so many people feeling out of place that somehow makes them in place because the majority of people feel out of place?
 
Damn, now I feel out of place because I chose in place.

I think I just gave myself a headache. :doh:


----------



## prickly

.......he is definitely out of plaice.


----------



## sirGordy

Ruffie said:


> From what alot of newbies have said to me(cause I will talk to anyone) is that they feel more unwelcome. THis is more in chat whre they come in say hello and then are basically ignored throughout the time they are there. I try to remnd them its cause alot of us know each other for a good many years and so talk freely wth each other and this too will come in time. But it won't if we don't make the effort. Perhaps when chatting or seeng a new person on the boards taking time to respond to them pas the initial hi would help folks feel more welcome and that ths place is less"cliquish" as I have heard flung around?




Do I feel out of place in the room? When I see such vitriol of late both in there and on the boards, when I feel like I have to caps "HELLO" just to get a response.....it actually saddens me.

Its really disheartening that one has to belong to a clique to be recognized and to be acknowledged. I have met many good people in Dimensions, over the years of participating there, and some others, yes, I admit it, I would rather forget. Nonetheless, I try to interact with everyone in the room, and those who respond, great, those who do not, well, just go on and interact with the ones whom wish to converse.

As far my interaction, I enjoy making friends. I am by nature, a gregarious creature, enjoying the company and presence of others. I am not trying to hook up, nor come up with any lines (I am terrible at that sort of thing, anyway). But I think that the biggest thing is that we are all social creatures, and as a product of that, we like to be recognized for whom and what we are, and unless one is being rude, hurtful, disrespectful or downright ornery, we should at the very least recognize that the person is special, and that the person, unless found out differently, may be a person just wanting to be a friend, and hopefully to have that reciprocated. I encourage those in our community to extend yourself to others; who knows, you may make a new best friend in the process.


----------



## DeniseW

I feel a little out of place because although I am not stupid, I don't "get" a lot of the jokes and comments left by other posters. Plus, a lot of people all seem to be in one big group and know each other and it seems hard to break into it. Everyone seems so well known and popular compared to me. Not whining or anything, it's just an observation. Also, a few times my posts have been ignored so that makes me feel that no one really cares what I have to say. Sometimes, it's like high school all over again but because I believe in Dimensions and size acceptance in general, I will stay and keep trying.


----------



## mossystate

Denise, I get what you are saying. Hell, if it were not for my seemingly bottomless pit from which I yank silly posts, I doubt I would be as ' seen '. So, people have ' strengths '. I do this, in part, because I don't slip myself into others lives as easily as some. I am sometimes ' guilty ' of making note of something a more quiet person has said, but not responding where they would not have to crawl inside my head to see that I have, indeed, noticed.

As for chat?...hmmmm..I have met the great wall of silence, after saying hello....sometimes people are very involved in a spirited conversation...sometimes, the mix is such that the people might just not like me...it's ok..really. Maybe the people in there are not paying close attention. Not everybody is waiting for ' your ' arrival. Sometimes ' we ' demand, in a way. That, so often, leads to huge disappointments..and sometimes, a fair bit of whining.

Asmodeus....ummmm...women are not on the earth to guide you on your inner path of self acceptance. And, like Friday said, seems you are upset that this place is not filled with women lounging on fur covered floor pillow, just waiting for you . As for other men who are upset that they are merely ' tolerated '...same thing...you have to stop making it the fault of women that your experience here is not how you want it.I really do think many people will forever look to women, as a group, to comfort them..to draw them in..to nuture in some way. I see so many men out here who get so much attention, that I wonder how much is ever enough. Men should seek out other men.


----------



## ashmamma84

Nope - don't really feel out of place. I like to stay in the Clothing forum mostly...it's comfy in there.


----------



## William

Hi Ash

Even though I spread my love and point of view around Dimensions 

I think that if it was not for the BHM/FFA Board that I would not be a regular at Dimensions. The regulars in the BHM/FFA board are great and the mix of men and women is special.

William




ashmamma84 said:


> Nope - don't really feel out of place. I like to stay in the Clothing forum mostly...it's comfy in there.


----------



## ashmamma84

William said:


> Hi Ash
> 
> Even though I spread my love and point of view around Dimensions
> 
> I think that if it was not for the BHM/FFA Board that I would not be a regular at Dimensions. The regulars in the BHM/FFA board are great and the mix of men and women is special.
> 
> William



I get what you're saying...I mainly post on the Clothing forum, however I read alot of the posts in the main and cooking board too. It's just I live for fashion, so it's where I naturally gravitate.  Plus it's nice to dish with fellow fatshionistas -- they _get_ it.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Denise, I think you are fabulous and I think you should post more.  Or play World of Warcraft and we could kill people together! LOL

Sandie



DeniseW said:


> I feel a little out of place because although I am not stupid, I don't "get" a lot of the jokes and comments left by other posters. Plus, a lot of people all seem to be in one big group and know each other and it seems hard to break into it. Everyone seems so well known and popular compared to me. Not whining or anything, it's just an observation. Also, a few times my posts have been ignored so that makes me feel that no one really cares what I have to say. Sometimes, it's like high school all over again but because I believe in Dimensions and size acceptance in general, I will stay and keep trying.


----------



## Donna

Regarding cliques: when did like-minded people who befriend each other become the evil, wicked and nasty "clique"? There are thousands of members here, from all over the world, everyone with a different set of reasons they come here. It's perfectly NORMAL for people to form bonds with each other. I have never seen or experienced ANYONE being ignored or passed over simply because they are new or don't "hang with" the "cool kids." For crying out loud, folks, this is NOT high school. 

I apologize if I am coming off bitchy, but the whole "no one notices me, they're all friends so I guess they must be a clique" thing bothers me to no end and it seems to get repeated every so often.

And while I'm up on this damned soapbox,* I have to say I think there needs to be another choice in this poll for people who don't feel like they fit in anywhere. I am not judging, mind you. I happen to count myself as one of those people, and I am not pointing a finger at anyone. Guess I am just asking that some of us who feel out of place consider this might be the root of why. I have never felt like I fit in anywhere, on or off line and I probably never will. I refuse to place the reason for my own personality quirk on something outside of myself. I own it, it's who I am. 

*TraciJo, please don't pull the soapbox out from under me, I know you want to


----------



## KHayes666

Donnaalicious said:


> Regarding cliques: when did like-minded people who befriend each other become the evil, wicked and nasty "clique"? There are thousands of members here, from all over the world, everyone with a different set of reasons they come here. It's perfectly NORMAL for people to form bonds with each other. I have never seen or experienced ANYONE being ignored or passed over simply because they are new or don't "hang with" the "cool kids." For crying out loud, folks, this is NOT high school.
> 
> I apologize if I am coming off bitchy, but the whole "no one notices me, they're all friends so I guess they must be a clique" thing bothers me to no end and it seems to get repeated every so often.
> 
> And while I'm up on this damned soapbox,* I have to say I think there needs to be another choice in this poll for people who don't feel like they fit in anywhere. I am not judging, mind you. I happen to count myself as one of those people, and I am not pointing a finger at anyone. Guess I am just asking that some of us who feel out of place consider this might be the root of why. I have never felt like I fit in anywhere, on or off line and I probably never will. I refuse to place the reason for my own personality quirk on something outside of myself. I own it, it's who I am.
> 
> *TraciJo, please don't pull the soapbox out from under me, I know you want to



How long have you been around? How long has it taken to develop friendship with fellow dim and non-dim friends? Not saying you shouldn't have but its a lot different to say "aww c'mon, there are no cliques" when you've been around a long time compared to someone who joined the boards last month.

Its easy for you to say "There's no clique, this isn't high school" because of your long standing status in the community, not saying its a bad thing but you really don't know how it is to be a young/new member and to break in here.

A place like this IS like being back in high school. In many ways you do have to act a certain way to get noticed, have to know the right people, etc. I'm not saying its nessicarily a bad thing, but to deny that there are groups of people who prefer to hang out with just their own set of friends is just wrong.

I saw it with my own two eyes, as open and welcome as things seem around here, there is a clique factor and for some people its more harder to overcome.


----------



## AlethaBBW

NancyGirl74 said:


> Daily come ons???? What the hell am I doing wrong!?!?!? :doh:



I must be doing the same thing wrong. 

I don't feel out of place at all, but I do feel rather invisible to the men here.


----------



## velia

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I feel out of place. For one reason only. Some of the young men here are EXTREMELY, direspectful, rude and misogynistic (oh no I said it!) toward the women here. NO - it's not a joke, so don't even try it.
> 
> I don't understand it, I don't like it and I don't understand why it is allowed. I'm a little too old, feminist and respectful of myself to put up with it.



Sandie, I totally agree with you. I've actually had to block some of the guys my age to get them to leave me alone, which says a lot, as I'm incredibly direct when offended. "I'm taken," "I'm married," "I'm not interested, please leave me alone." These things don't seem to phase some of the guys around here.

I can't remember if it was you who spoke out against this sort of talk from guys in a thread I was reading, but I was shocked and bewildered by the number of male posters _who had just posted some string of misogyny_-- and then were defensive and rude when they were asked to stop!

I want to be sure to make sure it's heard that I'm not talking about ALL the guys on Dims. I've met some incredibly cool people here, definitely guys included. I wish I could say that any respectful guys I've met here were under 30, just so I wouldn't have to be so disgusted with my own generation. Unfortunately, that's just not the case.


----------



## Lastminute.Tom

I really am shocked at how many people feel out of place, I mean sure between us we represent the whole spectrum more or less of political/religious views but aren't we all here for the same thing? Love
and the hope that some day mainstream society will love all of us with the same conviction with which we love each other, sure its not going to happen over night and so we have set up this haven here in cyberspace where we have no need to fear of intolerance or ignorance, this is a place of love, it is sacred ground even if it only exists on a computer screen, the love exists within each of us and that is enough for now, nobody should feel out of place, for there should be no fear here, because here haters have no one on their side.


----------



## ThikJerseyChik

I also must be doing something wrong here, I am fun, friendly, wish as many people I can good wishes for birthdays, anniversaries, etc....make jokes, try to lighten up the more serious posts, back away from Hyde Park when I do get brave enough to venture in to peek and see if there is ANYTHING I can remotely join in on....and other than 1 very wonderful gal here and the 2 or 3 nice ladies who share in PM's with me and one festive four legged member here who has gone out of his way to make friends I still feel totally out of my element here. Yes, it's only been half a year since I stumbled into Dims...but I too see the cliques, the unspoken inuendoes and the rude nasty comments hidden in jest.

So....back to the lounge for me!

TJC


----------



## JayInBuff

NancyGirl74 said:


> Daily come ons???? What the hell am I doing wrong!?!?!? :doh:





Jaded said:


> I must be doing the same thing wrong.
> 
> I don't feel out of place at all, but I do feel rather invisible to the men here.



Hey I figured that I would post this to both of you because I'm too lazy to make this an individual message. First I need to say how hot you are and how I bet we could have a really "hot" time together. So where are you from? What do you do for a liv...anyway back to us having sex. So are you up for it? I really have no desire AT ALL in getting to know you as a person. So, what kind of lingerie I'm going to wear on our first date....


BTW, if this works I'd like to thank Violet, if not, I need some new ideas.

Question: Does poor grammar and misspellings make it better? If so I need to do some editing.


----------



## wrestlingguy

KHayes666 said:


> How long have you been around? How long has it taken to develop friendship with fellow dim and non-dim friends? Not saying you shouldn't have but its a lot different to say "aww c'mon, there are no cliques" when you've been around a long time compared to someone who joined the boards last month.
> 
> Its easy for you to say "There's no clique, this isn't high school" because of your long standing status in the community, not saying its a bad thing but you really don't know how it is to be a young/new member and to break in here.
> 
> A place like this IS like being back in high school. In many ways you do have to act a certain way to get noticed, have to know the right people, etc. I'm not saying its nessicarily a bad thing, but to deny that there are groups of people who prefer to hang out with just their own set of friends is just wrong.
> 
> I saw it with my own two eyes, as open and welcome as things seem around here, there is a clique factor and for some people its more harder to overcome.



Kev, while there might be an element of truth to your comments with regad to the Dims boards, your participation in Heather's bash this past weekend clearly shows (and supports my pal Violet's point) that live interaction helps to form bonds that go way beyond what is said here.

BTW, I said hi to you at the pool, and you ignored me..........yep, walked right by me to talk with your buddy Jon Blaze. Are you guys a clique, or am I just too old for you to hang with? I don't think that is true, but I hope you get my point.


----------



## phatfatgirl

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Speaking for myself only.... I have felt extremely out of place in the last few months.
> 
> I tend to feel a bit out of place because there are so many who actually "know" each other, in "real" life, as opposed to the internet. I find I have trouble getting involved in some discussions, because it's clear that the discussion is an "inside" thing. I don't necessarily have a problem with that, but it can be tough to get involved.
> 
> That said... there are some VERY VERY VERY nice people here, who have been extremely kind to me, and I have NO complaints about that. I appreciate everyone being so friendly and nice. I've posted a fair amount of pictures, and I've always gotten very wonderful compliments, which I greatly appreciate. I try to return those comments and compliments to everyone else as well, because I do know how good they make ME feel... I know others would like to receive the same.
> 
> I find that I don't feel my posts are "clever" enough... that what I have to say seems insignificant, compared to what some of the others have posted. So rather than post something stupid or insignificant, I don't post at all. I like reading what everyone else posts, but I keep my thoughts to myself, unless something really strikes me. I do worry that I come across badly because I don't get involved more. I don't want to be seen as snobby or better than anyone else. That's not the case at all, I just don't feel as smart some others here. So I just read a lot.
> 
> I've cut back my posting in the last few months... specifically for one reason. I cannot tolerate the rude, nasty comments that go flying around periodically. (not at me, thank goodness) Internet or not, I don't see the need to be flat out rude to someone because you don't like their post, or you think they said something that's aimed at you. What usually follows is back and forth posts trading insults...each one getting progressively more nasty and rude. I can't stand it. I have said this about people in every day society.... when did it become okay to be rude to people?
> 
> I also realize that somethings are said to be a joke or said sarcastically.... but, being written as opposed to being spoken... one doesn't hear the vocal inflection to know that it was intended to be a joke or was said sarcastically. I think that starts a lot of nasty discussion.
> 
> Generally I enjoy being here... I just would like to feel more comfortable in the discussions.



Everything you said in this post Vi was dead on and expressed my thoughts and feeling perfectly! Thank you so much for that! Ya got rep comin your way kid!  lol


----------



## KHayes666

wrestlingguy said:


> Kev, while there might be an element of truth to your comments with regad to the Dims boards, your participation in Heather's bash this past weekend clearly shows (and supports my pal Violet's point) that live interaction helps to form bonds that go way beyond what is said here.
> 
> BTW, I said hi to you at the pool, and you ignored me..........yep, walked right by me to talk with your buddy Jon Blaze. Are you guys a clique, or am I just too old for you to hang with? I don't think that is true, but I hope you get my point.



You sure I didn't say hi back? I'm pretty sure I shook hands with everyone that Aris introduced me to....If I didn't I just have to redeem myself at the Labor Day Bash, maybe get you a copy of Backlash on blu ray lol

You're right about participating in the bashes, it does help make new friendships...but my point is you need to actually know someone to get into that position. Jon Blaze and I had a lot of help to get where we were....and for someone our age it would be damn near impossible to "fit in" like we did without the proper connections


----------



## Tina

Donna, I think it takes some courage to admit that. I believe you have more company than you might think out there, but from what I've seen, some people aren't self-aware enough to see it in themselves -- though I've seen people say they don't feel welcome, or they feel out of place, no matter how much they have been welcomed and treated nicely, some never seem to actually feel it inside. 


KHayes666 said:


> How long have you been around? How long has it taken to develop friendship with fellow dim and non-dim friends? Not saying you shouldn't have but its a lot different to say "aww c'mon, there are no cliques" when you've been around a long time compared to someone who joined the boards last month.


If a person is new they should know better than to cry "cliques!" just because they haven't been noticed yet, don't you think? This is a big forum with a lot of people and it can take a number of posts before a new poster -- even an older poster who doesn't post much -- will start registering on peoples' radar.

Just as an aside, and not directed at anyone in particualr, it seems silly to me to resent the friendships of others. Personally, it makes me very happy to see friendships and relationships form here.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

So, what are these connections and where can I get me some? 

I'm beginning to wonder if I am actually left out and not realizing it. I mean, it's not like people respond to every post I've ever made. Ouch. 

This invisible font and I seem to have a lot in common. *sigh*


----------



## Tina

I'm sorry, BGB, did you say something?


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

PERFECTION! The misspellings did the trick for me... 





JayInBuff said:


> Hey I figured that I would post this to both of you because I'm too lazy to make this an individual message. First I need to say how hot you are and how I bet we could have a really "hot" time together. So where are you from? What do you do for a liv...anyway back to us having sex. So are you up for it? I really have no desire AT ALL in getting to know you as a person. So, what kind of lingerie I'm going to wear on our first date....
> 
> 
> BTW, if this works I'd like to thank Violet, if not, I need some new ideas.
> 
> Question: Does poor grammar and misspellings make it better? If so I need to do some editing.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

Thank you! 



phatfatgirl said:


> Everything you said in this post Vi was dead on and expressed my thoughts and feeling perfectly! Thank you so much for that! Ya got rep comin your way kid!  lol


----------



## FreeThinker

Lastminute.Tom said:


> I really am shocked at how many people feel out of place...



I'm a bit surprised and dismayed by the number as well.

Perhaps it was how I worded the title of this thread.

I really hope people don't feel out of place as much as the poll would suggest.

...oh, and of course, we should keep in mind that those who posted reasons they feel out of place may not feel that way *all the time*, either...

I'm glad that, even for those who at some times feel disenfranchised, there's still a strong enough feeling of community that they feel comfortable (or passionately enough about a topic) to post their thoughts.


----------



## stan_der_man

FreeThinker said:


> ...
> 
> ...oh, and of course, we should keep in mind that those who posted reasons they feel out of place may not feel that way *all the time*, either...
> 
> I'm glad that, even for those who at some times feel disenfranchised, *there's still a strong enough feeling of community that they feel comfortable (or passionately enough about a topic) to post their thoughts. *



Exactly Freethinker. I know I've said this many times... I think a lot of this simply discussion, not really outright disenfranchisement. We would all like the world to be how we'd like it to be, we all have different approaches to doing things etc... Anybody who truly feels "out of place" or is profoundly disenfranchised probably wouldn't be answering this thread.


----------



## ripley

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Whoa, so many people chose out of place.
> 
> That is unfortunate, but maybe by so many people feeling out of place that somehow makes them in place because the majority of people feel out of place?
> 
> Damn, now I feel out of place because I chose in place.
> 
> I think I just gave myself a headache. :doh:





The "I feel out of place at Dimensions" group is the biggest clique here. 




There seems to be a lot of "It's mean out there, I just read and observe and then post in threads like this one to complain." If you think something is wrong here, try to fix it! Make positive threads. Contribute positive vibes. Don't just sit back and shake your heads. Work to change it. This place is what we all make it...if you think it's hostile here, change the tide.

(I'm sure some will say that the above is "mean" too...it's not meant to be. It's meant to be a rather gentle kick in the pants. )


----------



## William

Hi Violet 

I always love your posts because they seem to have good vibes!

William 




Violet_Beauregard said:


> Speaking for myself only.... I have felt extremely out of place in the last few months.
> 
> Snip


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Friday said:


> I understand what you mean Free (and I've got 10 years on you by the by), although I've been online a few years longer. I find that many of my contemporaries find it puzzling and downright odd that I not only spend a lot of time socializing on the 'puter, but have made dear, dear friends through the internet and that 'Yes. I really am using vacation time to go visit someone I met on the computer
> 
> I don't really see how getting to know someone on the 'puter is any different that getting to know them in the breakroom at work or over a cup of coffee after church. In fact, as busy and wide flung as most people are these days, I think it's a plus to be able to maintain a conversation like you and I currently are even though we may post hours and thousands of miles apart. Some people don't get quite the feeling of reality from words on a screen that I think they get from someone sitting there looking them in the eye but I just think it's a wonderful way to find and connect with people who share interests...or share with you a brand new interest, or maybe help you see something from a totally different angle than you've ever seen it before.



I agree with your point about it being no different than meeting at the water cooler. It's a MEDIUM of communication...like the phone or CB radio. People get to know each other through it. Some people don't view the people on the net as "real" and think it's okay to say/do what they want to others but I chalk that up to ignorance on their part. I also liked Spanky's analogy about road rage/rude drivers that tend to put their manner cap back on when confronted in person. 



Ruffie said:


> From what alot of newbies have said to me(cause I will talk to anyone) is that they feel more unwelcome. THis is more in chat whre they come in say hello and then are basically ignored throughout the time they are there. I try to remnd them its cause alot of us know each other for a good many years and so talk freely wth each other and this too will come in time. But it won't if we don't make the effort. Perhaps when chatting or seeng a new person on the boards taking time to respond to them pas the initial hi would help folks feel more welcome and that ths place is less"cliquish" as I have heard flung around?



I tend to try to and say hello to all the people that enter chat and say hi in the room just for this very reason....I hate it like hell when I say hello and don't get a response so I try not to let it be like that for others. But sometimes I'm simply not looking into chat and do miss some 
I always appreciate the people that respond to me in chat when I say hi or just try to chat in general. I am one of the biggest mouths in there and I use my usual style of just jumping into the middle of the fray....and I still find myself a little intimidated in there at times. This probably has more to do with my insecurities than anyone "not liking me" or "cliques". Grow a thick skin....it's part of growing up. No one owes me anything...and what I do get, I appreciate 



BothGunsBlazing said:


> I personally don't feel left out, but then .. I am pretty much a loud mouth, so I don't count.



My big mouth has taken me far on the net too sometimes....funny, a whole thread about not fitting in. I feel more "at home" on the internet...not just this site either, than in my reality. 
Some people seem to bring their shyness/insecurity to the net with them....I just try and be sure to check mine at the power button (though I'm not always as successful as I would like to be).



Spanky said:


> Vi, I speak for myself when I say that "tolerated" comes off as a slight bit negative. I think most (almost all) of the women here have been absolutely respectful and kind. If an equal percentage of men here were the same to the women, a more wonderful site it could never be.
> 
> I see no problem with women bonding here more easily and strongly than with men. I hold no grudge nor would I ever whine about it. It is just the way it is.





fa_man_stan said:


> On the poll I checked the "out of place because of relationship status"... The one thing that does make me feel somewhat the "odd man out", is the fact that I'm married. Let's face it, singles rule the world... at least here in Dimensions and cyberspace in general. I think a married man (or one in a relationship) has to make it clear that he is married, and not "hitting" on the ladies. I do complement the ladies, I try to keep it tasteful, not make them feel uncomfortable, and keep my wife from getting pissed off all at the same time... My wife knows this and for the most part I think she takes it fairly well. (If not, I'm sure we'll have a little discussion about it in a day or two after she's read this... )There are a lot of great looking ladies here, and I'm married... not dead. I still like to have a little fun and complement the gals now and then. But this is the place where I think it is awkward for the married (relationship involved) guys. I sometimes get the feeling that since I'm not "available" my only real use here as a male (for the ladies) in Dimensions is that of a muse. Married guys that aren't entertaining or that can produce sage advice on a regular basis will find Dimensions to be a very lonely place. At least that is my general observation. I enjoy being entertaining, I have many friends here that I have fun with, online and in person. Frankly, that's all that is keeping me here at the moment. (I'll keep this next statement brief so as not to hijack yet another thread with my little diatribes...) Just like NAAFA, I don't feel Dimensions has much other to offer me (as a thin, married FA) than that. But again, I'm here to have fun, to maintain old friendships, entertain and inform others; I enjoy doing that, that's why I like Dimensions.



I am "out of rep" but I sure owe you some, Spanky. Thanks to you, Stan and Ed for being some of the "classier guys" here. I like the married men/women in the mix....you really help to bring up the general atmosphere of the place, IMO. I value the opinions of the marrieds as much as the singles....and I would hate like hell if EVERYONE here was single. A mix is always better....and much more interesting, IMO.
To all the married guys I have flirted OPENLY with here (no I don't send any of them PMs to hit on them...believe it or not  ) it is really just meant as a jest/tease/joke. I respect your boundaries and relationships. If I honestly thought you would "respond in kind" then I wouldn't flirt at all. I have had a few married guys here PM me.....it depresses and insults me so I definitely have respect for the married people here that come here to interact in an honest way 



Susannah said:


> I am wonderful thank you Cookie. Today is my 38th birthday. Yep I am milking it for all it is worth.




Happy Birthday- did I miss your thread or do I need to make you one?  






Keb said:


> I love Hyde Park because I'm just that sort of person, but I often do feel like my political views are way different from most of the Dimensions crowd. So while I enjoy the debate, I do feel out of place at times, and occasionally have to back down or stop enjoying a thread because it's difficult, emotionally, to defend a point of view against a crowd. I don't always feel that I fit in elsewhere because I'm not so secure in my fatness as others are.



Just have to say that I don't recall having a "debate" with you, I have noticed you as "odd man out" in many threads. I don't always agree with your opinions but have noticed that you always post with respect and consideration for others. You are always a lady and hold your ground in a respectful, intelligent way. Just saying, even though many here don't agree with all your views, I can't help but think you've earned some respect 



Spanky said:


> Vi, what is this? Guys thinking they can get some this way?? I mean the stinkiest chum will attract some fish. But really, it is almost laughable to the point of not being serious. I mean is is stupidity, do they think this is the right way to go? Luckily these guys are the easy ones to spot and block. The scary ones must be the ones who work the talk correctly and then show their spots in person or after you have committed more time and effort.
> 
> Jackasses. Every last one of them.



This tends to make me wonder...the outright stupidity, the lack of realization....the lack of smoothness that school boys could laugh at...do they think that a fat woman posting pics of herself on the net is more willing to listen to stupid shit than thin ones? Could it be the same thing as what we can run into in our realities...men that think they don't have to make as much "effort" with the fatties because it's "known" we are "desperate"? What a joke...Vi is one of the most beautiful ladies around.....they are lucky she can't spit in their faces. 



susieQ said:


> Stupid it has to be that way.
> This is one of the reasons I don't have a myspace and never post hawt pics!
> 
> If it's seriously bothering you, then I suggest you close your account. Simple as that.



I don't think posting "hawt" pics makes it okay for a man to ask her to suck his cock. 
It does make it okay for her to kick him in the balls though 



Friday said:


> I think it's silly to attack Hyde Park. It was put there for exactly the purpose it serves, to keep political/religious debate off the rest of the boards. Yeah, I post there sometimes and sometimes I avoid it like the plague. It's no different than the paysite or weight boards though, if it's not your cuppa just don't go there.
> 
> Some debate is always going to occur when you bring a large group (and THIS is a LARGE group) of diverse people together. I hate to think how boring it would be and how quickly the conversational portions of the board would die without our differences as well as our likenesses. What fun would the hot boy/girl threads be if we all posted the same picture? How would we have food porn if we all liked the same flavor ice cream?





Tina said:


> Keb, I know your opinion often differs from the vocal majority, but I like that it does. I get really bored when it's just people agreeing with each other -- not that I want fights mind you! -- but I've always valued diversity and that means in opinion, too. Makes life more interesting.
> 
> As for me, no, I rarely feel out of place. And when I do, it's often my own, self-imposed mindset.



I agree...who wants a bunch of people all agreeing with each other ALL THE DAMN TIME? Blech.......variety is essential 
It's like what people say about the weight board...don't like the weight board? then get the hell off the weight board. This seems fitting for Hyde Park, as well. Some people enjoy Hyde Park....I don't frequent it a LOT myself...but do occasionally like to dabble around down there 

I also agree with Tina about the self-imposed mindset.....sometimes my own insecurity gets in the way....and that is my burden alone to bear. No one has to "fix it" for me.....I will handle it my own way in my own time 





calauria said:


> I feel left out...people that I have chatted with a few times don't remember who I am sometimes, but I still come around every once in a while...



I remember you Good to see you post again, Lady 



Susannah said:


> Sometimes I feel that I have to justify my presence here as I have since had to lose weight, and people may wonder why I am even here.
> I feel safe and comfortable here as I have said before, amongst those that have lived life being overweight and supersized, as I lived it for a long time.
> I have come to really respect and care a lot about my online friends here.
> 
> I am not here for a hookup. I am here to converse everyday with my mates here.



People with eating disorders, like myself, hang in here, too. (I'm also a full-fledged fat woman  ) Former fatties seem fitting, as well, IMO. 



asmodeus said:


> Thank you for your response - this is the first time that any of my posts has received a reply. What am I looking for? Probably nothing very unusual - just a mix of self-acceptance, acceptance from others, then one step on, contact with someone who is like minded. Other men? No - not really - I am not being discourteous when I say that my focus in only on ladies, as this is the direction in which I seek acceptance and interaction.



I was a little taken aback from your post...why? I see that this was post number eight for you. You waited seven posts for a response? Some people wait much longer than that....
You're in a big place with a lot of voices. It might take a while to be noticed. That's normal......
Also remember.....no one rides for free. Be as willing to participate and interact with others as you wish to be. Don't ask for more than you are willing to give. 

Welcome to the Boards *insert smiley face emoticon here*



PolarKat said:


> I tried, and was tossed a backhanded insult on that thread for some of the pics I posted, I played nice and brushed it off.. then the tread was hijacked and turned into guess if it's a man or woman.. only thing missing was shaved wookies..
> Your olive branch was snipped pretty quickly..



So....you complained in another thread about some of the women here not doing enough for the BHMs that get their feelings hurt (though it's okay if the menfolk don't do anything either)
Now, someone goes and makes the thread (wait, he took away the gripe factor, didn't he? :doh: ) and you still complain because people have varying opinions about sexy? Gee, didn't see THAT coming...Or were you bothered that it was mostly women posting in that thread? That they were all good sports and didn't complain about pictures of thin women being on the forum? 

If you don't like something then.... FIX IT. Post what you like...and allow others to do the same.... Gawd.......



prickly said:


> .........i mean, it's been AGES since a hot woman (age realllyyyyy not important) has come on to me!



post nood pixors plz kthx 



NancyGirl74 said:


> Daily come ons???? What the hell am I doing wrong!?!?!?



My thoughts exactly  



mossystate said:


> As for chat?...hmmmm..I have met the great wall of silence, after saying hello....sometimes people are very involved in a spirited conversation...sometimes, the mix is such that the people might just not like me...it's ok..really. Maybe the people in there are not paying close attention. Not everybody is waiting for ' your ' arrival. Sometimes ' we ' demand, in a way. That, so often, leads to huge disappointments..and sometimes, a fair bit of whining.



Amen...what the Mossy Gawdess said.....


except I DO wait on YOUR arrival, Monique...... :batting: :bow:






Lastminute.Tom said:


> I really am shocked at how many people feel out of place, I mean sure between us we represent the whole spectrum more or less of political/religious views but aren't we all here for the same thing? Love
> and the hope that some day mainstream society will love all of us with the same conviction with which we love each other, sure its not going to happen over night and so we have set up this haven here in cyberspace where we have no need to fear of intolerance or ignorance, this is a place of love, it is sacred ground even if it only exists on a computer screen, the love exists within each of us and that is enough for now, nobody should feel out of place, for there should be no fear here, because here haters have no one on their side.



I agree.....this place is what you make it. You also get out of it what you put into it. 



ThikJerseyChik said:


> I also must be doing something wrong here, I am fun, friendly, wish as many people I can good wishes for birthdays, anniversaries, etc....make jokes, try to lighten up the more serious posts, back away from Hyde Park when I do get brave enough to venture in to peek and see if there is ANYTHING I can remotely join in on....and other than 1 very wonderful gal here and the 2 or 3 nice ladies who share in PM's with me and one festive four legged member here who has gone out of his way to make friends I still feel totally out of my element here. Yes, it's only been half a year since I stumbled into Dims...but I too see the cliques, the unspoken inuendoes and the rude nasty comments hidden in jest.
> 
> So....back to the lounge for me!
> 
> TJC



I think you're a Cool Jersey Chik - enjoy your posts


----------



## stan_der_man

ripley said:


> ...
> 
> (I'm sure some will say that the above is "mean" too...it's not meant to be. It's meant to be a rather gentle kick in the pants. )



It's only mean if you mean to be mean... I know what you mean Ripley.


We have the means to unify this community... you know what I mean?


 



I know... I'm just asking for a kick in the breeches... er... a... pants.


----------



## ripley

When I mean to be mean I correct people's spelling. 


It's a gang thing.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

ripley said:


> When I mean to be mean I correct people's spelling.
> 
> 
> It's a gang thing.




Just have to let you know......"gang thing" with that chick-a-dee avatar was almost my undoing......



*picks self up off the floor*


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

THANK YOU! I'm glad someone else noticed it. I don't think rape or masturbation is appropriate to discuss here or anywhere in mixed company - unless it's an adult conversation and not stupidly childish. Some of the younger men here need a lesson in manners.

And it probably was me in that other thread. 




velia said:


> Sandie, I totally agree with you. I've actually had to block some of the guys my age to get them to leave me alone, which says a lot, as I'm incredibly direct when offended. "I'm taken," "I'm married," "I'm not interested, please leave me alone." These things don't seem to phase some of the guys around here.
> 
> I can't remember if it was you who spoke out against this sort of talk from guys in a thread I was reading, but I was shocked and bewildered by the number of male posters _who had just posted some string of misogyny_-- and then were defensive and rude when they were asked to stop!
> 
> I want to be sure to make sure it's heard that I'm not talking about ALL the guys on Dims. I've met some incredibly cool people here, definitely guys included. I wish I could say that any respectful guys I've met here were under 30, just so I wouldn't have to be so disgusted with my own generation. Unfortunately, that's just not the case.


----------



## ripley

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Just have to let you know......"gang thing" with that chick-a-dee avatar was almost my undoing......
> 
> 
> 
> *picks self up off the floor*



Come over my house, I have cake. :kiss2:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

ripley said:


> Come over my house, I have cake. :kiss2:




But....people will talk if I do.....V_V


----------



## Santaclear

fa_man_stan said:


> Anybody who truly feels "out of place" or is profoundly disenfranchised probably wouldn't be answering this thread.



Exactly. This thread is kinda my new "hangout", _because_ I like joining want the large group who feels disenfranchised here at Dimensions. 

I want to feel part of the herd. :bow:


----------



## mossystate

Keep hope alive...means are on the way.


santa.....moo


----------



## Donna

Tina said:


> Donna, I think it takes some courage to admit that. I believe you have more company than you might think out there, but from what I've seen, some people aren't self-aware enough to see it in themselves -- though I've seen people say they don't feel welcome, or they feel out of place, no matter how much they have been welcomed and treated nicely, some never seem to actually feel it inside.
> 
> If a person is new they should know better than to cry "cliques!" just because they haven't been noticed yet, don't you think? This is a big forum with a lot of people and it can take a number of posts before a new poster -- even an older poster who doesn't post much -- will start registering on peoples' radar.
> 
> Just as an aside, and not directed at anyone in particular, it seems silly to me to resent the friendships of others. Personally, it makes me very happy to see friendships and relationships form here.



Thanks T! I think being aware of our shortcomings (or perceived short comings) is important in trying to resolve them. There was a time when I could easily have identified in with the group of people who feel disenfranchised or cheated, like there really are cliques here. It's an easy assumption to make. But, I have come to realize that a group of friends differs from a clique, and that's the point I was trying to make earlier and I guess failed to do so. 

A clique is closed. By definition, clique is exclusive and negative. I don't see that. Are there nasty people sometimes saying nasty things here? Yes, of course. Some people relate only positively. Some people relate only negatively. It's been *MY* experience, however, that most people on and off line fall somewhere in the middle of the two. Most of the people here fall squarely in the middle. 

If a large group of people doesn't immediately fall to your feet when you come to a forum, does that make that group a clique? Takes a great deal of narcissism to come to that conclusion. I could have walked away after my first few (hundred) posts were ignored. And at times, I have walked away from these boards for one reason or the other. But I keep coming back, I keep posting when I feel I have something worthy to contribute. And I feel pretty strongly about this issue. 

I am sorry if *anyone* feels they have been excluded or ignored, or that they don't "fit in." 

I am starting to wonder if we are over thinking things here. I know from personal experience, over analyzing a subject tends to lose the subject and we tend to focus on small pieces of the issue rather than the entire issue. And I am still incredibly curious what reasons those folks who marked "Other" have. 





ripley said:


> Come over my house, I have cake. :kiss2:



I so read that, "Come over to my house, I have cankles."


----------



## ripley

Donnaalicious said:


> I so read that, "Come over to my house, I have cankles."



I don't as of yet, but given enough cake there is always hope. 



(And you're wise, Donna, beyond your years. )


----------



## stan_der_man

Santaclear said:


> Exactly. This thread is kinda my new "hangout", _because_ I like joining want the large group who feels disenfranchised here at Dimensions.
> 
> I want to feel part of the herd. :bow:



Kind of like when Stan from South Park joined that group of Goths and became a non-conformist. He underestimated the amount of conformity it took to be truly accepted by the non-conformists.








I wish you the best my friend, as a new member of the heard. :bow:


----------



## bigsexy920

I dont know why but I imagine you saying this is the voice of Stewie - from Family Guy. That really makes it hilarious - 



prickly said:


> .........i mean, it's been AGES since a hot woman (age realllyyyyy not important) has come on to me!!!! wtf???


----------



## ThikJerseyChik

I just wanted to say 'thank you' for those who reached out to me from this thread. I guess in the big scheme of things I think it does depends on the day whether we truly feel detached from Dims...cause right now I AM FEELIN' THE LOVE!!!! 

*where is that sobbing imote?*


----------



## Tina

Joisey, I've noticed you -- I just haven't been posting as much. You're someone whose posts I enjoy reading.


----------



## moore2me

*Green Eyed Fairy*, "Power-posting multi-quote whoring getting ready to start...... " 

You are my new Heroine. This was a well thought out and insightful piece of writing. I am very impressed!




Santaclear said:


> Exactly. This thread is kinda my new "hangout", _because_ I like joining want the large group who feels disenfranchised here at Dimensions.
> 
> I want to feel part of the herd. :bow:



Me too Santaclear. Moove over and give another old heifer some grazing room! 

View attachment 307285.JPG


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

Thank you!!





William said:


> Hi Violet
> 
> I always love your posts because they seem to have good vibes!
> 
> William
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Violet_Beauregard said:
> 
> 
> 
> Speaking for myself only.... I have felt extremely out of place in the last few months.
> 
> Snip
Click to expand...


----------



## ThikJerseyChik

Tina said:


> Joisey, I've noticed you -- I just haven't been posting as much. You're someone whose posts I enjoy reading.



Thanks, Tina


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

Thank you GEF.... I truly appreciate that.... 

(even though it took me 20 minutes to get thru that 10 mile long post.. LOL   )




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> This tends to make me wonder...the outright stupidity, the lack of realization....the lack of smoothness that school boys could laugh at...do they think that a fat woman posting pics of herself on the net is more willing to listen to stupid shit than thin ones? Could it be the same thing as what we can run into in our realities...men that think they don't have to make as much "effort" with the fatties because it's "known" we are "desperate"? What a joke...*Vi is one of the most beautiful ladies around*.....they are lucky she can't spit in their faces.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

I think it's interesting how many people are admitting to feeling "out of place"... I wonder if perhaps that is what "subconsciously" helps bring us together? The common feeling of "I feel out of place, but something about this place keeps bringing me back". Maybe it's an underlying current that we can't always see?


----------



## Seth Warren

Jaded said:


> I must be doing the same thing wrong.
> 
> I don't feel out of place at all, but I do feel rather invisible to the men here.




That's probably because your post count has yet to reach the triple-digit range. I, for one, am not one to ignore a self-described "BBW Bettie Page." That said, increase your visibility by increasing your post count and you just might find yourself regretting that wish for more attention (or not).


----------



## PolarKat

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> So....you complained in another thread about some of the women here not doing enough for the BHMs that get their feelings hurt (though it's okay if the menfolk don't do anything either)
> Now, someone goes and makes the thread (wait, he took away the gripe factor, didn't he? :doh: ) and you still complain because people have varying opinions about sexy? Gee, didn't see THAT coming...Or were you bothered that it was mostly women posting in that thread? That they were all good sports and didn't complain about pictures of thin women being on the forum?
> 
> If you don't like something then.... FIX IT. Post what you like...and allow others to do the same.... Gawd.......



looks like I've got a target on my forehead.. I really don't see where you're getting this from..

It seems that you are even attacking me based on your own advice "Post what you like". BGB said he handed out an olive branch an no one took.. I did and a few others. I was just point that out, and that someone sniped at my post, and I shrugged it off, which considering my background I found that comment borderline racist, nothing to do with an opinion about "sexy", it was roughly the equivalent of me saying "Oh boy, great.. pics of Jews with nosejobs". If you find that to be an opinion about "sexy", then please keep your clan comments to yourself in the future. 

I also don't see anywhere where I critiqued women in my post on any level that your are infering or attempting to condescend me with. It seems you've placed your hostile *assumptions* towars me. Or you have some sort of capability to infer what isn't even there as the absolute thruth... I really don't get the point of what you even wrote as compared to what I was posting to BGB.. You're just comming off as person who get their thrills inventing crap and pissing on people for fun.. 

and this was humor: If you would have actually paid attention to what I wrote in that thread rather than just grab a hatchet, you might have noticed it was humor.. _then the tread was hijacked and turned into guess if it's a man or woman.. only thing missing was shaved wookies.._


----------



## DeniseW

FreeThinker said:


> I'm a bit surprised and dismayed by the number as well.
> 
> Perhaps it was how I worded the title of this thread.
> 
> I really hope people don't feel out of place as much as the poll would suggest.
> 
> ...oh, and of course, we should keep in mind that those who posted reasons they feel out of place may not feel that way *all the time*, either...
> 
> I'm glad that, even for those who at some times feel disenfranchised, there's still a strong enough feeling of community that they feel comfortable (or passionately enough about a topic) to post their thoughts.



There is a strong feeling of community, that's why I stay here. I didn't mean to come across all "woah is me" but I feel the way I feel sometimes and that should not be discounted. I'm glad people form bonds and make friends here, good for them. It just seems a lot easier for some than others, that's all


----------



## velia

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> THANK YOU! I'm glad someone else noticed it. I don't think rape or masturbation is appropriate to discuss here or anywhere in mixed company - unless it's an adult conversation and not stupidly childish. Some of the younger men here need a lesson in manners.
> 
> And it probably was me in that other thread.



Yuck! Exactly. I've noticed topics such as rape being discussed in a joking tone, and it makes me sick. I wonder sometimes if there are some cool younger guys who are simply too freaked out to post because the reputation of being a younger guy on Dims is so terrible. If that's the case, I hope they come out of the woodwork and help put a stop to it.


----------



## Tina

DeniseW said:


> There is a strong feeling of community, that's why I stay here. I didn't mean to come across all "woah is me" but I feel the way I feel sometimes and that should not be discounted. I'm glad people form bonds and make friends here, good for them. It just seems a lot easier for some than others, that's all


I think that's true IRL, too, Denise. Some people have difficulty making friends, and also, I think that as we get older it gets more difficult. It's easy to make friends when one is a child or teen, as life's demands haven't hit their apex yet and you can spend all of that time getting to know each other. 

As an adult, there's work, relationship, maybe kids, and other things that can get in the way of being able to really take the time to get to know someone well enough to think of as a good friend. 

Maybe that's one thing that can be a benefit when it comes to places like this, so that when, and if, you finally do meet, you already know each other. 

I'm glad that the discomfort you sometimes feel hasn't kept you away, and that you've gotten to meet some of the people here IRL. That kind of thing is fun (well, usually -- I've rarely had such things go wrong, thankfully).


----------



## The Orange Mage

velia said:


> I wonder sometimes if there are some cool younger guys who are simply too freaked out to post because the reputation of being a younger guy on Dims is so terrible. If that's the case, I hope they come out of the woodwork and help put a stop to it.



I'd say that an easy majority of young, male, first-time visitors to Dims come here for wank fodder. Plain and simple. I mean, as I remember it, I stumbled upon this site during a frenzied late-night search for any nekkid fat womens I could find...all at the ripe old age of what, 15? I'm assuming that's how nearly all males originally find this place...while on a Porn Trek.

Of course, that was back when we had the old boards, which TBH were ancient even by 2000's standards, so I never joined. (In fact, since I was a teen at the time, I instead hung out at FatNats until all the women [CurvyEm, Aurora, and Qit] left, leaving nothing but fat gay males.) 

It's funny that once I'm in a relationship to I "settle down" and start posting here.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

velia said:


> Yuck! Exactly. I've noticed topics such as rape being discussed in a joking tone, and it makes me sick. I wonder sometimes if there are some cool younger guys who are simply too freaked out to post because the reputation of being a younger guy on Dims is so terrible. If that's the case, I hope they come out of the woodwork and help put a stop to it.



I wasn't aware that younger men had a reputation like this?

Until right this moment, at least.

Being a younger FA on Dims is terrible now? I was under the impression that it was a pretty sweet gig to have.


----------



## Allie Cat

velia said:


> Yuck! Exactly. I've noticed topics such as rape being discussed in a joking tone, and it makes me sick. I wonder sometimes if there are some cool younger guys who are simply too freaked out to post because the reputation of being a younger guy on Dims is so terrible. If that's the case, I hope they come out of the woodwork and help put a stop to it.



I _beg_ your pardon -.-

Or do I not count as young anymore? Get off my lawn you young whippersnappers!


----------



## Spanky

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I wasn't aware that younger men had a reputation like this?
> 
> Until right this moment, at least.
> 
> Being a younger FA on Dims is terrible now? I was under the impression that it was a pretty sweet gig to have.



You seem to be taking all of this very very personal, BGB. I hope you are not. There are young jerks and there are old jerks. There are unfaithful married guys hitting on women here and there are single guys coming on to women with the couth of a brick (not to insult any bricks, I know many bricks and consider some my friends).

You need to be yourself and try to tip the scales in the other direction. Just my opinion, but I think you are a great asset to Dims. A young and up and coming great guy. Hell with up and coming, you arrived a while ago. 

:bow:


----------



## velia

Spanky said:


> You seem to be taking all of this very very personal, BGB. I hope you are not. There are young jerks and there are old jerks. There are unfaithful married guys hitting on women here and there are single guys coming on to women with the couth of a brick (not to insult any bricks, I know many bricks and consider some my friends).
> 
> You need to be yourself and try to tip the scales in the other direction. Just my opinion, but I think you are a great asset to Dims. A young and up and coming great guy. Hell with up and coming, you arrived a while ago.
> 
> :bow:



Hey, BGB. I think Spanky nailed what I was trying to say. 

Perhaps it's human nature that we're more apt to remember things that were offensive or negative, but what Sandie and I were talking about was a shared experience of running into many more young guys who are jerks, rather than nifty young guys. 

From what I've seen of your posts, you seem like a nice, level-headed person. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I wasn't directing my commentary at ALL of the guys on Dims, and I didn't ever intend for nice guys like you to take it personally.


----------



## Jack Skellington

I often feel out of place here but I am too apathetic to really care and too spiteful to leave.


----------



## KHayes666

velia said:


> Yuck! Exactly. I've noticed topics such as rape being discussed in a joking tone, and it makes me sick. I wonder sometimes if there are some cool younger guys who are simply too freaked out to post because the reputation of being a younger guy on Dims is so terrible. If that's the case, I hope they come out of the woodwork and help put a stop to it.



I'm not cool? Surely you jest........

lol


----------



## Wagimawr

Jack Skellington said:


> I often feel out of place here but I am too apathetic to really care and too spiteful to leave.



We hate you too, Jack. We hate you too.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

velia said:


> Perhaps it's human nature that we're more apt to remember things that were offensive or negative, but what Sandie and I were talking about was a shared experience of running into many more young guys who are jerks, rather than nifty young guys.




Yes, there is a group of young men here who either don't know basic manners or don't care. Either way it's completely innapropriate to discuss rape in a joking manner. Do people realize how misogyniastic it is to do that? There is NOTHING more violent and soul crushing for a woman than to be raped. And to joke about it?? That is beyond what is acceptable here. 

So I stay mostly in the foodee and the fashion boards. I read the other boards but don't post as much as I used to. I just can't and won't find subjects like that funny.


----------



## velia

KHayes666 said:


> I'm not cool? Surely you jest........
> 
> lol



 That's what I get for asking all the nice guys to come out... they come out and make quips at me. And of course, you are the coolest, Hayes.


----------



## velia

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Yes, there is a group of young men here who either don't know basic manners or don't care. Either way it's completely innapropriate to discuss rape in a joking manner. Do people realize how misogyniastic it is to do that? There is NOTHING more violent and soul crushing for a woman than to be raped. And to joke about it?? That is beyond what is acceptable here.
> 
> So I stay mostly in the foodee and the fashion boards. I read the other boards but don't post as much as I used to. I just can't and won't find subjects like that funny.



I wish people realized the seriousness of what they are trivializing by making such things a joking matter. Not long ago, I remember seeing someone joking about "kiddie rape" and I just about puked. I'm surprised people aren't banned for things like that--from this or any other organized board.


----------



## KHayes666

velia said:


> That's what I get for asking all the nice guys to come out... they come out and make quips at me. And of course, you are the coolest, Hayes.



lol that's better 

I agree a lot of guys my age are a little on the immature side, but that's true for any capacity in any forum.


----------



## Miss Vickie

Well, I said I didn't feel out of place, and truly, I don't. I probably should -- far more than most of you -- since I'm no longer fat, am not a FFA, and am older than... um... dirt. But Dimensions was my first online "home" and for me it will always be a place I enjoy. I've made some of my best friendships here, had some amazingly informative and passionate discussions, and wouldn't trade it for the world.

So, for those of you who don't fit in, just give it time and try different forums. I know I don't feel I fit in in the Weight Board obviously, or the story boards, or the FFA/BHM boards, but people have been really accepting of my weight loss for the most part, and I feel I fit in pretty well in Hyde Park, the health and WLS forums, and of course food and fashion.  And yeah, sometimes I feel ignored but this is a big place with lots of voices clamoring for attention, and so it's hard to get noticed sometimes. But that's okay. Once I realized it wasn't about having my every post commented on or repped, but rather joining in to the larger conversation, I was able to relax and enjoy it for what it was.


----------



## CAMellie

Jack Skellington said:


> I often feel out of place here but I am too apathetic to really care and too spiteful to leave.



omg...like I said in another thread...I love you :blush:


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Spanky said:


> You seem to be taking all of this very very personal, BGB. I hope you are not. There are young jerks and there are old jerks. There are unfaithful married guys hitting on women here and there are single guys coming on to women with the couth of a brick (not to insult any bricks, I know many bricks and consider some my friends).
> 
> You need to be yourself and try to tip the scales in the other direction. Just my opinion, but I think you are a great asset to Dims. A young and up and coming great guy. Hell with up and coming, you arrived a while ago.
> 
> :bow:



why thank you, Spanky. I don't know why I am being so incredibly defensive of all this. I guess I've always been afraid of being lumped in with anyone negative. I guess I just like to have control over myself and how others percieve me and I don't want to get thrown into a stereotype or something. *heterohugsallaround*



velia said:


> Hey, BGB. I think Spanky nailed what I was trying to say.
> 
> Perhaps it's human nature that we're more apt to remember things that were offensive or negative, but what Sandie and I were talking about was a shared experience of running into many more young guys who are jerks, rather than nifty young guys.
> 
> From what I've seen of your posts, you seem like a nice, level-headed person. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I wasn't directing my commentary at ALL of the guys on Dims, and I didn't ever intend for nice guys like you to take it personally.




Well, thanks once again, like I said, dunno why I am so defensive in this thread. I mean, I know I'm not like that .. but still .. what if I am and no one told me?!

I still want to know what these connections are that Khayes is referring to though. haha


----------



## Surlysomething

I feel oldish here. But that's probably because I gravitate more to the younger people because of pop culture I like etc. I'm also 'darker' than most people and can't get on the whole love everyone tip. It's not how I am. I wish I were that easy going.

As far as feeling out of place being a bigger girl? Eh, nope. But you're not going to see me post a million pictures of myself to get positive feedback for my ego. I think it's boring and repetitive nonsense. Oops, my age is showing again. Haha.

You can't like and please everyone. I find it ok for some people here to have an opinion but others get shot down big time. The long time members need to be more accepting of newbies and the newbies need to be more respectful of the old timers.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

PolarKat said:


> looks like I've got a target on my forehead.. I really don't see where you're getting this from..
> 
> It seems that you are even attacking me based on your own advice "Post what you like". BGB said he handed out an olive branch an no one took.. I did and a few others. I was just point that out, and that someone sniped at my post, and I shrugged it off, which considering my background I found that comment borderline racist, nothing to do with an opinion about "sexy", it was roughly the equivalent of me saying "Oh boy, great.. pics of Jews with nosejobs". If you find that to be an opinion about "sexy", then please keep your clan comments to yourself in the future.
> 
> I also don't see anywhere where I critiqued women in my post on any level that your are infering or attempting to condescend me with. It seems you've placed your hostile *assumptions* towars me. Or you have some sort of capability to infer what isn't even there as the absolute thruth... I really don't get the point of what you even wrote as compared to what I was posting to BGB.. You're just comming off as person who get their thrills inventing crap and pissing on people for fun..
> 
> and this was humor: If you would have actually paid attention to what I wrote in that thread rather than just grab a hatchet, you might have noticed it was humor.. _then the tread was hijacked and turned into guess if it's a man or woman.. only thing missing was shaved wookies.._



Main problem: you hijacked another thread to complain about something that bothered you in another thread. What "clan" you are talking about.... you need to clarify. *I* don't like your attitude and whining....if anyone else doesn't then take that up with them. *I* alone am not bothered to flat out tell you what I don't like about your posts....and I don't go into another thread to complain (like you have done twice so far) about it later. 
Just saying.....you seem to be more interested in running off from the initial problem you have and complaining about it to others. 
*You* seem to be a person that lets things fester and then comes off quite nasty elsewhere. Gee...I told you MYSELF what the problem is....when the problem occurred....why don't you start doing the same?
You're nobody's victim....stop acting like one. Also, you might consider not hijacking threads with your complaints about other threads :doh:

I'm thinking I will just put you on ignore because I truly see no value in your whiny posts- they just disgust me and disgust is not something I need or is good for this thread or forum.


----------



## TraciJo67

Donnaalicious said:


> Regarding cliques: when did like-minded people who befriend each other become the evil, wicked and nasty "clique"? There are thousands of members here, from all over the world, everyone with a different set of reasons they come here. It's perfectly NORMAL for people to form bonds with each other. I have never seen or experienced ANYONE being ignored or passed over simply because they are new or don't "hang with" the "cool kids." For crying out loud, folks, this is NOT high school.
> 
> I apologize if I am coming off bitchy, but the whole "no one notices me, they're all friends so I guess they must be a clique" thing bothers me to no end and it seems to get repeated every so often.
> 
> And while I'm up on this damned soapbox,* I have to say I think there needs to be another choice in this poll for people who don't feel like they fit in anywhere. I am not judging, mind you. I happen to count myself as one of those people, and I am not pointing a finger at anyone. Guess I am just asking that some of us who feel out of place consider this might be the root of why. I have never felt like I fit in anywhere, on or off line and I probably never will. I refuse to place the reason for my own personality quirk on something outside of myself. I own it, it's who I am.
> 
> **TraciJo, please don't pull the soapbox out from under me, I know you want to*





No, Donna. I want to snuggle in the soapbox *with* you :smitten:


----------



## Spanky

TraciJo67 said:


> [/B]
> 
> 
> No, Donna. I want to snuggle in the soapbox *with* you :smitten:



Gad, speaking of not fitting in. ^^^^^^^^^

We'll have a Minnesota BBW/FA Weekend. All three of us will come. Two will ditch, TrampiJo can then drink coffee by herself. No fecking room for cream.


Bring a book. 


Take pictures.


----------



## Spanky

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Main problem: you hijacked another thread to complain about something that bothered you in another thread. What "clan" you are talking about.... you need to clarify. *I* don't like your attitude and whining....if anyone else doesn't then take that up with them. *I* alone am not bothered to flat out tell you what I don't like about your posts....and I don't go into another thread to complain (like you have done twice so far) about it later.
> Just saying.....you seem to be more interested in running off from the initial problem you have and complaining about it to others.
> *You* seem to be a person that lets things fester and then comes off quite nasty elsewhere. Gee...I told you MYSELF what the problem is....when the problem occurred....why don't you start doing the same?
> You're nobody's victim....stop acting like one. Also, you might consider not hijacking threads with your complaints about other threads :doh:
> 
> I'm thinking I will just put you on ignore because I truly see no value in your whiny posts- they just disgust me and disgust is not something I need or is good for this thread or forum.



Whole---eeeee------CARP. 

Haven't seen this kind of smack down from you, Ms. GEF. I cannot comment 'cause I don't know the background. Not taking sides. 

But the feistiness, the passion, the aggressiveness.......

Me likey! :wubu:


----------



## TraciJo67

Spanky said:


> Gad, speaking of not fitting in. ^^^^^^^^^
> 
> We'll have a Minnesota BBW/FA Weekend. All three of us will come. Two will ditch, TrampiJo can then drink coffee by herself. No fecking room for cream.
> 
> 
> Bring a book.
> 
> 
> Take pictures.



Sorry, Spankles. I've got plans that weekend 

To get (slightly) back on topic ....

I'm too painfully pedantic and cluelessly delusional to feel out of place anywhere I go. 

Or maybe, just maybe, I figure ... I get out of an experience exactly what I'm willing to put into it.


----------



## MoonGoddess

_In my own attempt to stay on topic, sometimes I DO feel out of place here. I guess I would be considered by some to be a smaller BBW. In the past that has been an issue, mainly WAAAYYYY back in the days of the old forums. I have been treated well here, but that time still remains in the back of my mind._


----------



## MoonGoddess

_On the other hand, the gals here are rockin'! And the guys....let's put it this way...they keep me coming back for more.

Flirting feels pretty damned good._


----------



## PolarKat

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Main problem: you hijacked another thread to complain about something that bothered you in another thread.



Firstly I didn't hijack anything BGB brought it up, and I just added to, and left it at that, there was no complaint there at all, and I didn't in anyway complain to anyone, I just added onto what was said, and tossed on a joke at the end in releveance to that thread. I didn't expect a responce from anyone else but BGB, and I got it.. and he got it.. 

You're reading/infering much more than I write, and what you're infering is purely negative. You went well out of you way to attack me on *nothing that I did or said *but comlpetely what you assumed/invented. 

What kind of responce would you expect? I don't like your condescending nature. Your reply said it all.. and you're still imposing your imagination on me in the next one. I'm not whining, I not festering anything. You're just going out of your way with some sort of chip on your shoulder, and inventing something to use as flame material.. 

I don't really know where you're getting all this from, maybe you're playing to audience, or venting some other frustration out on me that should be directed elsewhere, but any way that I look at it, all this is your invention, not mine to deal with, and if this how you behave with others, or specifically plan acting with me in future discussions by making negative assumption that aren't even remotely there. Then I don't mind not speaking to you again, it would prove counter productive to continue if such is the case..


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

Sigh.

This thread is dissolving into exactly the type of exchange that so many, including me, have mentioned that they don't care for. 

Thanks to Mood Goddess for making at attempt at getting back on topic. 

Maybe the next people posting can do the same? 

Thanks! :happy:


----------



## PolarKat

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Sigh.
> 
> This thread is dissolving into exactly the type of exchange that so many, including me, have mentioned that they don't care for.
> 
> Thanks to Mood Goddess for making at attempt at getting back on topic.
> 
> Maybe the next people posting can do the same?
> 
> Thanks! :happy:



My appologies to everyone, this should have really been taken offline..


----------



## TraciJo67

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Sigh.
> 
> This thread is dissolving into exactly the type of exchange that so many, including me, have mentioned that they don't care for.
> 
> Thanks to Mood Goddess for making at attempt at getting back on topic.
> 
> Maybe the next people posting can do the same?
> 
> Thanks! :happy:



Vi, if you're referring to the exchange between Spunkles & I, it's really good-natured fun. I promise. I like Spankles, lots even, even though he has teh cooties. Or so I've heard .

If you're referring to the GEF/Kat stuff, I'd recommend just ignoring it. Don't know what it's all about, but I know GEFFIE, and she's not one who thumps heads indiscriminately. They'll work it out, or they won't, but the rest of us can just dance around it in the meantime.

Back to a topic-related question: Married men (those who are upfront about it, and have no hidden agendas) ... why do you feel out of place here? Is there an assumption that Dims is primarily a hook-up place?


----------



## Tina

I'm left scratching my head. Certainly, no one group is perfectly behaved (that'd be boring anyway), but I don't see where young men here are awful. Some? Sure, just like anywhere else. I have no knowledge of jokey rape posts, but then again, if no one reports posts, odds are it might not be seen. Us mods have to read a lot of posts, and so sometimes, I can miss blatant rules violations in a thread I post on, simply because I don't have the time to read every post. So report if there's a problem. 

Other than that, I can't tell you how many times I've wished there were young men like these around when I was an older teen/young adult.


----------



## Surlysomething

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Sigh.
> 
> This thread is dissolving into exactly the type of exchange that so many, including me, have mentioned that they don't care for.
> 
> Thanks to Mood Goddess for making at attempt at getting back on topic.
> 
> Maybe the next people posting can do the same?
> 
> Thanks! :happy:




Now i'm worried to say the wrong thing. Haha.


----------



## PolarKat

Tina said:


> Other than that, I can't tell you how many times I've wished there were young men like these around when I was an older teen/young adult.


I would assume most older men are probably the same, but have much more well developed brain to mouth function.. due to all the slaps and kicks to the groin they're endured


----------



## Tad

TraciJo67 said:


> Back to a topic-related question: Married men (those who are upfront about it, and have no hidden agendas) ... why do you feel out of place here? Is there an assumption that Dims is primarily a hook-up place?



I don't think it is an assumptions that Dimensions is primarily one thing or another but more that because it is a bunch of things, the less of them you get involved with, the less you are apt to feel that you 'belong.'

While some people come here and get more involved, making friends here, meeting people, maybe dating people met here, etc....if you have a strong attachment away from this site you can never just dive in to it fully. You'll always be on the side of the pool, dabbling your legs in. But you can't really ask others to stick to the edge just because you are doing so, so you'll keep seeing people out there in the middle playing, and occasionally you'll see a new person come, dip in a toe, then dangle their legs in, then jump in and go join that fun out there in the middle, while you stay where you are.

And you know, some people choose to just stay on the edge, and it is really not a bad place to be--but it is probably normal sometimes to sigh and wonder what it would be like to be frolicking out there in there in the middle. 

(having written that, I wonder if part of my sensitivity in this regard could relate to being a much younger sibling, who regularly sat on the sides watching older sibs do things he wasn't allowed to do? I suppose we all bring a whole host of other experiences with us, which will color our view of things)


----------



## Spanky

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Sigh.
> 
> This thread is dissolving into exactly the type of exchange that so many, including me, have mentioned that they don't care for.
> 
> Thanks to Mood Goddess for making at attempt at getting back on topic.
> 
> Maybe the next people posting can do the same?
> 
> Thanks! :happy:




Sorry, Vi. I hope we weren't the ones you were pointing at. Anyway, Traci started it. Okay, I started it. 

I think generalizations about men, young, old, married, single and on the prowl, seem to be more acceptable here. Maybe it is a mirror on society. Men are an acceptable target of societal rage. Racism, rape, control, power, sexism, absent fatherhood, lack of responsibility. Here at Dims, or maybe on Myspace and Facebook, and mentioned here, are many men that behave terribly. It is hard not to generalize. I AM NOT TRYING TO SOUND LIKE A MARTYR NOR A VICTIM. I am neither. I am making observations from the male perspective. 

The consequence is guys like BGB might get sick about hearing these generalizations and just quietly and politely leave. No explosions, no mention, no anything, just leaving. (I am not saying he is leaving, intends to or anything, I am using him as a good young FA example)

Then you get 10 more jackasses to take his place. 

I have to say that SPEAKING FOR MYSELF, I assume that any woman on this site, until she gets to know me, has to feel a little hesitant. It is how it would work on the street at dusk if I was approaching in a hooded sweatshirt and minding my own business. Same thing with a new guy PMing a nice message or two and then WHAM, pee-pee pictures or ramming, banging, slamming references. 

I wish I could get a secret "female" persona on Dims and see what some of the men do. Get some messages, feel the uneasiness. Experience it. No women deserve it. I can't fully understand even with that. I am not a woman. 

My "out of place" feeling here is probably a lot my own as a married man. Hell, I get uneasy when hugging a neighbor wife. Maybe it is the safety space we develop when we say "I do". I like to give myself a wide berth. I wear a ring for many reasons, IRL. To answer TraciJo's question, it is just the being careful about how and what you say that doesn't come off as in anyway overstepping bounds. Just posting a :wubu: to a woman (which I did to GEF) is done ONLY after I know she knows me. This is my issue. It is not hers. :kiss2: is reserved for birthdays. So even to the smilies, I just think Spankys, Stans, edxs and other marrieds have to communicate carefully and thoughtfully.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Tina, there are more than a few women disgusted with some of the posting going on here. Yes, there have been rape jokes and other disusting things posted. I will even go so far as to say several women my age have stopped posting on any boards except the foodee or fashion or the game threads because of it.

If you want more info - start a thread and see what is said. I'm not going to do it, I take enough shit here.


----------



## TraciJo67

Spanky said:


> So even to the smilies, I just think Spankys, Stans, edxs and other marrieds have to communicate carefully and thoughtfully.



I'm going to *try* to remain serious here, Spanky (see? I'm using your actual Dims handle, instead of spliffing on it ... bodes well for the rest of this message, huh? ). 

That makes me feel a little discouraged, to see that you feel such a need to be careful. I guess because I know you, Stan, and a few others to some extent ... at least, to the point of understanding why you are here, and I believe that you've established yourself as a genuine, decent sort. In my world, that allows you as much leeway as I'd give to any of my female friends, in that I wouldn't even think to parse the intent behind what you say. I just take it at face value. 

Now, would you please stop "accidentally" PMing me your nekkid pics? It's getting tiresome, Sparkles (well, I tried to be serious ... for about 3 seconds).


----------



## Spanky

TraciJo67 said:


> Now, would you please stop "accidentally" PMing me your nekkid pics? It's getting tiresome, Sparkles (well, I tried to be serious ... for about 3 seconds).



Oh, I forgot that you all can go to my paysite:

www.sparklesnakedass.com

$49.99/month gets you 2 or 3 pics with almost no updates! 


<Vi is going to kill us both, but you first>


----------



## LillyBBBW

Tina said:


> I'm left scratching my head. Certainly, no one group is perfectly behaved (that'd be boring anyway), but I don't see where young men here are awful. Some? Sure, just like anywhere else. I have no knowledge of jokey rape posts, but then again, if no one reports posts, odds are it might not be seen. Us mods have to read a lot of posts, and so sometimes, I can miss blatant rules violations in a thread I post on, simply because I don't have the time to read every post. So report if there's a problem.
> 
> Other than that, I can't tell you how many times I've wished there were young men like these around when I was an older teen/young adult.



Over a week ago I threatened Smite and told him I was going to rape him silly next time I saw him. It was a gag, I would never actually harm Smite unless he asked me nicely with flowers and candy. Otherwise I haven't seen any rape jokes. Hope I didn't offend too much.

I've often been conflicted about posting here. I don't so much feel out of place. What worries me is that I don't interact enough with many of the people here. There are plenty of people who post here that I enjoy reading immensely. I never say anything due to my early internet training that forbade me from making throwaway posts like, "Way to go Barbara!!!" The hazard with this is that there are people who post things and no one responds or picks it up. The dead air may be mistaken for ignorance even though somewhere in Iceland, Athens and New Jersey people are laughing their heads off and clicking your profile to see what you look like. A few times I've overridden the urge to keep my fingers to myself but it has been a VERY few times and I felt dirty after. 

Some of the folks here claiming to feel most out of place here are among my favorite posters. I'm really sad that you all have been made to feel this way.


----------



## Spanky

Out of Place. 

Speaking for me only, I don't think feeling out of place means I am (1) unhappy, (2) not wanting to be here, (3) don't enjoy it here immensely, (4) etc etc etc

It means that sometimes I feel like I am wearing a three piece suit to a beach volleyball party or a costume to a "no costume" Halloween party. That is all. I don't think most here are putting a negative spin on this. I hope not. 

And for the record, just the fact that Lilly has a pic in a shirt that says "Uberfrau" makes me adore her from afar :happy:. I don't think we post near each other much. I like what she posts. Alot. :bow:


----------



## LillyBBBW

Spanky said:


> Out of Place.
> 
> Speaking for me only, I don't think feeling out of place means I am (1) unhappy, (2) not wanting to be here, (3) don't enjoy it here immensely, (4) etc etc etc
> 
> It means that sometimes I feel like I am wearing a three piece suit to a beach volleyball party or a costume to a "no costume" Halloween party. That is all. I don't think most here are putting a negative spin on this. I hope not.
> 
> And for the record, just the fact that Lilly has a pic in a shirt that says "Uberfrau" makes me adore her from afar :happy:. I don't think we post near each other much. I like what she posts. Alot. :bow:



Thanks Spanky! 

(Usually I reserve posts like this for the Rep function only but I'm busting outside of the box for this one)


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

No...not you and Spanky at all... that was fine. 

The GEF/Kat stuff... I realize people are going to trade ideas and opinions... but at some point that stuff should be taken to PMs... primarily to keep the original thread on topic. I have no problem with having a good time either... 

I'm not trying to pick on GEF or Kat, by any means... I don't know Kat at all, I'm sure she's fine. GEF, I do know and I agree, she's not one to do that as a regular thing. And again... I have no problem with people speaking their mind, but sometimes it just seems to get out of hand. 

I just found it ironic that it happened in the very thread where that type of thing was being addressed. 





TraciJo67 said:


> Vi, if you're referring to the exchange between Spunkles & I, it's really good-natured fun. I promise. I like Spankles, lots even, even though he has teh cooties. Or so I've heard .
> 
> If you're referring to the GEF/Kat stuff, I'd recommend just ignoring it. Don't know what it's all about, but I know GEFFIE, and she's not one who thumps heads indiscriminately. They'll work it out, or they won't, but the rest of us can just dance around it in the meantime.
> 
> Back to a topic-related question: Married men (those who are upfront about it, and have no hidden agendas) ... why do you feel out of place here? Is there an assumption that Dims is primarily a hook-up place?





No... it's fine.. really.



Surlysomething said:


> Now i'm worried to say the wrong thing. Haha.





LOL No Spanky, you're fine....




Spanky said:


> Sorry, Vi. I hope we weren't the ones you were pointing at. Anyway, Traci started it. Okay, I started it.




Seriously everyone... please don't get me wrong... I'm not trying to be the "thread police"... it just kind of bugged me that a somewhat sniping exchange was going on in the very thread where people were expressing that they had pulled back from Dimensions... for that very reason. I wasn't picking on either GEF or Kat. I'm quite sure they both have strong feelings for what they said. They're entitled to that. But at a point, it needs to go to PM's. Not just them, but others when it happens as well.

 I apologize if I came across as though I were reprimanding anyone... it was not my intention AT ALL. I adore GEF, and again, I don't know Kat, but I wouldn't do that to either one.

:blush:


----------



## Shosh

Spanky said:


> Oh, I forgot that you all can go to my paysite:
> 
> www.sparklesnakedass.com
> 
> $49.99/month gets you 2 or 3 pics with almost no updates!
> 
> 
> <Vi is going to kill us both, but you first>




* Reaches for her credit card


----------



## TraciJo67

Susannah said:


> * Reaches for her credit card



Don't bother, Shosh. I'll just forward you the CANNED HAM he's sent my way .


----------



## Tad

Spanky said:


> Out of Place.
> 
> Speaking for me only, I don't think feeling out of place means I am (1) unhappy, (2) not wanting to be here, (3) don't enjoy it here immensely, (4) etc etc etc
> 
> It means that sometimes I feel like I am wearing a three piece suit to a beach volleyball party or a costume to a "no costume" Halloween party. That is all. I don't think most here are putting a negative spin on this. I hope not.



Yes, EXACTLY what Spanky said!


----------



## Tina

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> If you want more info - start a thread and see what is said. I'm not going to do it, I take enough shit here.


Heh. No way, Sandie! I'm sure it's happened, I just reiterate that people should report posts that are out of line. They won't always necessarily be acted on, depending, but if we don't know about it for sure it will stand.

My own point is more that I've had exchanges with a good number of young men who I think are good guys and don't at all see them as being in the same category as the ones who treat women poorly.


----------



## mossystate

I, too, have seen quite a few young guys out here who interact with women in a respectful ( with some not so shining moments, as we ALL have participated in ) manner, with an open mind where I think...please do not become bitter, you are so fresh and refreshing. Age, in terms of ' acting up '...truly is just a number.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

I hope I am not misunderstood here. There are so many good guys here young and old. But the few who are disrespectful can ruin your whole day. Ya know? 





Tina said:


> Heh. No way, Sandie! I'm sure it's happened, I just reiterate that people should report posts that are out of line. They won't always necessarily be acted on, depending, but if we don't know about it for sure it will stand.
> 
> My own point is more that I've had exchanges with a good number of young men who I think are good guys and don't at all see them as being in the same category as the ones who treat women poorly.


----------



## Tina

Nah, I don't think I'm misunderstanding you, Sandie, though I think some might be, dunno? It's good you clarified. I do not believe you're painting all the young guys with one brush, but if people are seeing truly objectionable stuff here, I just want to get it out there that people should report posts. Not everyone is aware of the function, I think. It's that triangular button with the exclamation point in it, below a person's avatar, next to where one clicks to give a person rep.


----------



## imfree

DimmerLand is a great place. Some things make
me wonder.......and some things just make me
feel out of place, kinda' like the real life.


----------



## KendraLee

OK, so I'm really new here. Do I feel left out and out of place? absolutely. There is history here and so many times I've come across old posts that I think "Damn I would have loved responding to that back then". But I'm here now, and now is where I will start. I don't know how the chat rooms are because I'm not completely comfortable in chat rooms but it seems to me that some people are just able to join in easier than others based on thier personality and of course it doesnt hurt when the people involved actually know eachother. I just figure its up to me to put myself out there. Noones told me to shut up and go away yet. 

As for the married guys- I'm not anymore suspicious of them than the non married guys. I imagine they're here for the same reasons most of us are to socialize and be around people who understand issues they've faced and get support.

My only complaint so far is finding people(ok guys) who are closer to my age. It seems that they are either quite a bit older or quite a bit younger. I'm pretty envious (in a good way) of the younger girls right now. I never had a boyfriend in highschool nor went to any of my proms or semi's, so its great to see a lot of younger guys who are able to feel more comfortable dating and appreciating bigger girls. 

ok now you can tell me to shut up and go away


----------



## mossystate

Kendra, do you want somebody to tell you to shut up and go away?..I mean, I COULD..but...you seem nice...

I did not post on these boards when they looked however they looked, years ago. I do not ' know ' many people out here. I just decided to jump in. It is very hard for me to think I am not ' bothering ' someone, so I tend to hope that some of my posts resonate with a few people, and they take the time to tell me so. I am part wiener.

See, I noticed you...even offered to tell you to shut up.....that has to count for something... Now I shall stalk you out here. I am kidding.


----------



## JayInBuff

KendraLee said:


> OK, so I'm really new here. Do I feel left out and out of place? absolutely. There is history here and so many times I've come across old posts that I think "Damn I would have loved responding to that back then". But I'm here now, and now is where I will start.



Hi, welcome from a semi-noob. If you read an old thread that hasn't been posted to in a while, feel free to still post. Anyone that is subscribed to it will probably appreciate it being revived if your post is interesting, funny, thought provoking, etc.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

I think the new folks and those who feel left out of the so called *groups* need to understand something. Some of us have known each other for a LONG, LONG time. And so yes it makes us feel like old friends and somethings are *inside* because they happened a long time ago and as old comrades we still reference them from time to time.

For instance, Tina, Vickie, TraciJo, Rainyday and I know there are a lot of others I am forgetting, but we all posted on another size acceptance board for a few years and so we have a history.

The NAAFA folks around here I have known of or known personally since the late 1980's.

I don't really know how long I know Tina and Vickie but I'm guessing it's been a good 10 yearsa or more from the NAAFA boards. 

And I am sure a lot of people here have that kind of history. The Size Acceptance world is a pretty small one and if you are around long enough you get to know a lot of people and make some good friends.

It takes time to break into a new community, and we are that, not just a web board.

_(Excuse my typos. My puppy ate my CPAP mask and I have to wait a few days to get one and I'm FREAKING tired!)_


----------



## stan_der_man

TraciJo67 said:


> ...
> Back to a topic-related question: Married men (those who are upfront about it, and have no hidden agendas) ... why do you feel out of place here? Is there an assumption that Dims is primarily a hook-up place?



To answer your question TracyJo, it's not necessarily that I perceive Dimensions to be "singles" oriented in particular and like I said earlier I don't really feel "out of place" her by virtue that I'm a fairly adaptable person. It's more or less something I feel makes Dimensions awkward for me and the other thin, married males (and males in general...)


Here's some background that influences my feelings about this... Sort of "where I came from" so to speak... From my experience, I basically lurked around Dimensions for many years back in the early days. I didn't even have a log-in for the first year or so. After I got myself a log-in I posted on occasion but felt the same way many of the new-bees feel... "invisible". I posted here and there for a while but hardly got responses to my posts. I clearly stated in my profile that I was married, and I filled out the usual basic profile information. Even back then as now, I knew of the experiences fat women (and women in general) had with guys, men, married men, etc. hitting up on them... so I "walked the line" with my posts. I tried to keep it fun but not make any women uncomfortable or wonder about my intentions. Eventually I became better known to some people and started having more interaction with people in general but it was still a lonely haul, replies to my posts weren't on a daily basis necessarily. I received no PMs that I can remember (I don't think there was "reputation" back then, or at least I didn't know about it...) There were what appeared to be "cliques" that I wasn't a part of, but I really didn't care, I had fun just posting here and there, making jokes, or posting about fat acceptance. I understood that it took a whole for groups of people to except an "outsider", I really didn't have a problem with that. I tend to be a guy (and maybe other males like myself) that needs a "sense of purpose" to justify doing things. My sense of purpose was being involved in size acceptance. Still, I posted on occasion, a bit more than I did before, but by that point other Dims people here and there knew me, I could get a fairly quick response to something I posted. There were a few people I felt comfortable about sending PMs to. The vast majority of my posts were on the Main Board, if I remember correctly (most of the other boards that now exist, didn't exist at that point...) I started exploring the other boards (I've totally forgotten what they were called... I don't even think the "Pay Site Board" existed back then...?)

I remember one exchange I had with a female. I don't remember who it was or exactly what it was that we were discussing... but in an exchange of opposing opinions (difference of opinion about something...) on a thread, one female basically asked me what I was doing here and did my wife know I was here (or something like that). I was somewhat taken aback by that. Back then my wife generally knew I was on Dimensions but not exactly everything I was doing. I was always a well behaved, faithful husband, I felt somewhat insulted about having to justify myself regarding this. I was neither making an advance to this woman I was debating or saying anything crude (or even remotely so...) I think we were debating something about men's perceptions of a trait women have (or my perception of a trait, or something like that.) I can completely understand a woman's trepidation about certain situations where men are involved but I resented having my "honor" questioned so to speak. This also has happened to me a couple of times after that, but to a lesser extent. For the most part I just shined it on and moved on, but it always sticks in the back of my mind that the females may wonder why I'm here, or why other males are here... married males in particular. I can see where married males that don't articulate themselves as well as I have, could easily get themselves into trouble with the slip of a word, simply because they were married males. The married males all seem to live under the shadow of the married males (and males in general) that misbehave.

Also, it comes back to my questioning of what my "sense of purpose" here in Dimensions is. We all know why the fat people are here, we all know why the single FAs are here. Why are the thin, married FAs here? Us thin married FAs have jobs, families, wives... an endless list of things needing to be fixed around the house... Are we the "father figures" who give sage advice? Are we muses here to entertain ladies, just beyond arms length, but within the scope of what our wives will allow us to do (and on occasion we must reaffirm loyalty to our wives for all to see?) As I've said before, the "bonding" of the males here in Dimensions is sketchy at best. There is no designated place for the male FAs (let alone the married ones) to "gather", or where we simply all happen to post.

I very much enjoy our experiences here, with you TracyJo and the other gals and guys. I enjoy the "companionship" we have here in Dims, and actually meeting some of the Dimensions folks in person, as my family and I have been doing. That is one part of my sense of purpose, and it's a very special thing to me. I have fun here, my wife and daughter have enjoyed our local gatherings and camp-outs. Friendships and fun are important, they make life the wonderful thing that it is. The friendships and fun I have here and the pleasure I feel I bring to others in Dims give me a sense of purpose in that respect. But it took me years to reach this point. I think fat women who are new to Dimensions are more quickly accepted, more quickly develop a circle of friends. This is my perception anyway... I may be wrong. I'm sure many guys like myself just gave up at their first exchange with a woman who questioned why they were here, or at any other point of not feeling purpose here. Perhaps even, not feeling welcome for whatever reason.

Also, what if a married male's wife doesn't approve of him being on Dimensions? My wife wasn't exactly thrilled about my joining initially, and she was resistant at first to meeting Dims folks in person. My wife, daughter and I have been going to the local Dims gatherings together, and very much enjoy the times we spend with the other Dims folks. Again, it was a very long journey for me to get to this point. What if a married male's wife absolutely refuses to participate with him? Then Dimensions is a dead end for him beyond anything other than cyber-friendships. Or if a married male does go to an event by himself, I can vividly imagine how he is going to be the "odd man out", and how the women at that event are going to treat him with suspicion. Rightfully justified suspicion on the part of the women, no question... but at the expense of the married male nonetheless. In my opinion, Dimensions needs to give us married male FAs more "sense of purpose". It's really as simple as that.


----------



## stan_der_man

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I think the new folks and those who feel left out of the so called *groups* need to understand something. Some of us have known each other for a LONG, LONG time. And so yes it makes us feel like old friends and somethings are *inside* because they happened a long time ago and as old comrades we still reference them from time to time....



That is exactly a point I've been also meaning to post Sandie... Many of us interact with each other like we've known each other for years... because we have known each other for years.

Human interaction is human interaction whether it's in person or online. New-comers aren't necessarily being purposefully ignored. Those who are new-comers are just not as familiar as others that have been here for a long time. People aren't necessarily being ignored, it's just human nature (focusing first on people you know, or have something specific to communicate...) that is at play in many instances.


----------



## Tina

KendraLee said:


> ok now you can tell me to shut up and go away


No way, I'd rather welcome you.  I'm glad you posted, because I know how easy it is to feel invisible, even for a while, on a board with this many posts and posters. It can be easy to get lost in the shuffle until people are able to know and remember more about you -- makes each of us more real to each other, I guess. So, Welcome, Kendra! 


Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I don't really know how long I know Tina and Vickie but I'm guessing it's been a good 10 yearsa or more from the NAAFA boards.


Yes, a good 10 years. Between here 10 years ago, NAAFA at the same time, and then Abby for years, it's true that there is a long history. Even if you've never met, after that long you do feel as if you've known the person. 


> _(Excuse my typos. My puppy ate my CPAP mask and I have to wait a few days to get one and I'm FREAKING tired!)_


Penny is a naughty girl. I hope you can get a new mask soon, Sandie. Any way you can get it before the weekend?


----------



## ekmanifest

I have been on Dimensions for just about a year now and initially I did feel out of place. Never participated in an Internet forum before. Never participated in any size acceptance discussion. Fairly old - 41 at the time, and dating the first FA I had ever met or even really heard of. 

This is the first Internet forum that I've ever participated in. It took me a while to even figure it out logistically enough for it to be fun to even read. I started a few threads that kind of died or had been covered about 27 times before but I was not yet familiar with the search function  

Once I figured that out though, I read a lot. Posts on topics interesting to me from years back. And then I joined the club house, where a lot of the posting is more personal and it is easier to get to know people. I now certainly feel like I "belong" here for a multitude of reasons - I post a lot in the club house, PM or e-mail regularly with a few people, have had the pleasure of meeting several local Dimmers and have made some incredible friends. I'm fortunate that I live in an area where that is possible. I inherently belong because of the nature of the site.

But honestly, if this thread hadn't come up, I don't know that the thought of whether I felt "out of place" would have even entered my mind. Access to Dimensions over this past year has truly changed my life - and you know, I think that would have been the case whether I had Dims buddies or not. Reading all that has been written here by others on the important threads has had such value to me. Seeing that different thoughts and ideas exist. Seeing so many beautiful, confident, sassy fat women. Seeing men like Stan (he was actually the first person whose posts caught my attention . . . not just because he is eloquent and insightful, but because of that whole Miami Ink thing) and so many others who articulately and respectfully express their attraction to fat women. Reading about how coming to terms with that has been a challenge for some. 


I had to see it, I had to hear about it, I had to feel authenticity of so many of the Dims posters before I could live it and desire it and know that I deserved it. And whether I felt out of place or not had no impact on my ability to absorb what I have from Dimensions.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Spanky said:


> Oh, I forgot that you all can go to my paysite:
> 
> www.sparklesnakedass.com
> 
> $.49/month gets you 2 or 3 pics with almost no updates!
> 
> 
> <Vi is going to kill us both, but you first>



I fixed your typo.....


----------



## Webmaster

fa_man_stan said:


> ...We all know why the fat people are here, we all know why the single FAs are here. Why are the thin, married FAs here? ...



Well, keep in mind that I started this as a thin, married FA, and I did NOT start it for single FAs to score. Instead, the idea was getting FAs, all FAs, a place where they could gather, exchange experiences, learn from one another, realize that they were not the only ones in the world to have those feelings and desires.

But I also felt that many fat women could benefit from learning more about FAs, how they felt, how they saw the world and fat women, and so on. I felt that would help finding more self appreciation and confidence as a spiritual as well as a sexual being.

I saw two generally poorly socialized groups that potentially were a match made in heaven, if they only learned to understand each other and came to trust each other. And over the years, many couples found each other through our Dimensions community.

Dimensions IS a place for FAs. It was created for FAs. I've always seen FAs as very reliable, tireless supporters of the size acceptance movement. And I certainly saw their dedication confirmed during the many years I was NAAFA's chairman of the board. Being a FA means more than finding a fat partner. To me, and to many others, it means a deep dedication to size acceptance.


----------



## Donna

TraciJo67 said:


> [/B]
> 
> 
> No, Donna. I want to snuggle in the soapbox *with* you :smitten:



Purrrrrr....I guess the essence of Starbucks works, then.


----------



## ChubbyBubbles

KHayes666 said:


> A place like this IS like being back in high school. In many ways you do have to act a certain way to get noticed, have to know the right people, etc. I'm not saying its nessicarily a bad thing, but to deny that there are groups of people who prefer to hang out with just their own set of friends is just wrong.
> 
> I saw it with my own two eyes, as open and welcome as things seem around here, there is a clique factor and for some people its more harder to overcome.



Well said! Thank goodness someone FINALLY got it right! I agree 100% and know that most people will too. And for those that are quick to disagree, they are obviously disingenuous. Plain and simple.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Tina said:


> Penny is a naughty girl. I hope you can get a new mask soon, Sandie. Any way you can get it before the weekend?



Poor Penny thought my mask was a new toy. But I can get a new one tomorrow. I just can't be mad at her.


----------



## Tina

With that sweet little face, who could?






And so true, Conrad. There are definitely bumps on that road to mutual understanding, but I believe we're all the better for having Dimensions. And certainly, Biggie and I would agree just as yet another love (and marriage) connection made here, not to mention that I've met so many of my very best friends in the world here.


----------



## AnnMarie

Webmaster said:


> Well, keep in mind that I started this as a thin, married FA, and I did NOT start it for single FAs to score. Instead, the idea was getting FAs, all FAs, a place where they could gather, exchange experiences, learn from one another, realize that they were not the only ones in the world to have those feelings and desires.
> 
> But I also felt that many fat women could benefit from learning more about FAs, how they felt, how they saw the world and fat women, and so on. I felt that would help finding more self appreciation and confidence as a spiritual as well as a sexual being.
> 
> I saw two generally poorly socialized groups that potentially were a match made in heaven, if they only learned to understand each other and came to trust each other. And over the years, many couples found each other through our Dimensions community.
> 
> Dimensions IS a place for FAs. It was created for FAs. I've always seen FAs as very reliable, tireless supporters of the size acceptance movement. And I certainly saw their dedication confirmed during the many years I was NAAFA's chairman of the board. Being a FA means more than finding a fat partner. To me, and to many others, it means a deep dedication to size acceptance.



I hope everyone reads this post as a reminder of what Dimensions is all about.... conversation, togetherness, and support.... thanks for posting this Conrad, it's nice to reinforce the reason we're all here and how it's come to be, the foundation that it's built on.


----------



## Spanky

KendraLee said:


> OK, so I'm really new here. Do I feel left out and out of place? absolutely. There is history here and so many times I've come across old posts that I think "Damn I would have loved responding to that back then". But I'm here now, and now is where I will start. I don't know how the chat rooms are because I'm not completely comfortable in chat rooms but it seems to me that some people are just able to join in easier than others based on thier personality and of course it doesnt hurt when the people involved actually know eachother. I just figure its up to me to put myself out there. Noones told me to shut up and go away yet.
> 
> As for the married guys- I'm not anymore suspicious of them than the non married guys. I imagine they're here for the same reasons most of us are to socialize and be around people who understand issues they've faced and get support.
> 
> My only complaint so far is finding people(ok guys) who are closer to my age. It seems that they are either quite a bit older or quite a bit younger. I'm pretty envious (in a good way) of the younger girls right now. I never had a boyfriend in highschool nor went to any of my proms or semi's, so its great to see a lot of younger guys who are able to feel more comfortable dating and appreciating bigger girls.
> 
> ok now you can tell me to shut up and go away



Kendra, welcome. 

I lurked on many a thread for years, a lot of years. Then just started posting. I didn't do an introduction, just made simple comments, stayed positive and friendly and people with similar interests migrated to me, away from me etc. I did the same with those people I enjoyed reading and commenting too. 

Actually, a pic (just a normal pic, no requests here) helped in humanizing me. I think I used a couple of favorite cartoon characters like Daffy Duck, Oscar the Grouch etc. I never realized that to others, I was still in the ether. I did not take any form. With a pic, humans will respond. Unfortunately mostly for the ladies, a few (maybe more) comments will not be kind from certain men. 

Have fun with it, nice people win at Dims. Really. See you around, I'll be the one at the bar with edx in the three piece suit at the Beach Volleyball Party!


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

It's interesting that you say that, because I thought the exact same thing about Stan. I noticed his posts right away too. Spanky as well. And Phil (wrestlingguy). These three guys (off the top of my head, I'm quite sure there are many more, I am blank at the moment....) are truly respectful of women in general, and THEN FA's. These guys are true gentlemen. :bow: 

I recall many a post of Phil's where he very kindly, yet very clearly attempts to explain that they're going to get a whole lot farther (not necessarily sexually) with a woman, if they treat her with respect, instead of like they should be priviledged to be in the guy's presence. And Phil is quite tactful about it, yet he definitely gets his point across. His signature says it all, as far as I'm concerned.





ekmanifest said:


> I have been on Dimensions for just about a year now and initially I did feel out of place. Never participated in an Internet forum before. Never participated in any size acceptance discussion. Fairly old - 41 at the time, and dating the first FA I had ever met or even really heard of.
> 
> This is the first Internet forum that I've ever participated in. It took me a while to even figure it out logistically enough for it to be fun to even read. I started a few threads that kind of died or had been covered about 27 times before but I was not yet familiar with the search function
> 
> Once I figured that out though, I read a lot. Posts on topics interesting to me from years back. And then I joined the club house, where a lot of the posting is more personal and it is easier to get to know people. I now certainly feel like I "belong" here for a multitude of reasons - I post a lot in the club house, PM or e-mail regularly with a few people, have had the pleasure of meeting several local Dimmers and have made some incredible friends. I'm fortunate that I live in an area where that is possible. I inherently belong because of the nature of the site.
> 
> But honestly, if this thread hadn't come up, I don't know that the thought of whether I felt "out of place" would have even entered my mind. Access to Dimensions over this past year has truly changed my life - and you know, I think that would have been the case whether I had Dims buddies or not. Reading all that has been written here by others on the important threads has had such value to me. Seeing that different thoughts and ideas exist. Seeing so many beautiful, confident, sassy fat women. *Seeing men like Stan (he was actually the first person whose posts caught my attention . . . not just because he is eloquent and insightful, but because of that whole Miami Ink thing) and so many others who articulately and respectfully express their attraction to fat women. *Reading about how coming to terms with that has been a challenge for some.
> 
> 
> I had to see it, I had to hear about it, I had to feel authenticity of so many of the Dims posters before I could live it and desire it and know that I deserved it. And whether I felt out of place or not had no impact on my ability to absorb what I have from Dimensions.


----------



## stan_der_man

Webmaster said:


> Well, keep in mind that I started this as a thin, married FA, and I did NOT start it for single FAs to score. Instead, the idea was getting FAs, all FAs, a place where they could gather, exchange experiences, learn from one another, realize that they were not the only ones in the world to have those feelings and desires.
> 
> But I also felt that many fat women could benefit from learning more about FAs, how they felt, how they saw the world and fat women, and so on. I felt that would help finding more self appreciation and confidence as a spiritual as well as a sexual being.
> 
> I saw two generally poorly socialized groups that potentially were a match made in heaven, if they only learned to understand each other and came to trust each other. And over the years, many couples found each other through our Dimensions community.
> 
> Dimensions IS a place for FAs. It was created for FAs. I've always seen FAs as very reliable, tireless supporters of the size acceptance movement. And I certainly saw their dedication confirmed during the many years I was NAAFA's chairman of the board. Being a FA means more than finding a fat partner. To me, and to many others, it means a deep dedication to size acceptance.



That's all very true what you say and I believe your sincerity... But NAAFA was also founded by a male, William J. Fabrey and lets face it Conrad, after you left NAAFA, everything FA was basically jettisoned from the organization and even support for the fat males has been marginalized... if this post is any indication. For all practical purposes, NAAFA is now basically run by women and is an organization for women. It wasn't originally so.

I'm not insinuating that this is what is happening at Dimensions, but the parallels are undeniable, or at least there is a very strong case that the parallels exist. At very least, I think it can be said that the ratio of men to women here in Dimensions is significantly on the side of the women, no doubt you could give us the exact numbers to confirm or reject this observation. There is nothing bad about that per se, but I think we are seeing the beginning signs of the men (thin FAs in particular) getting marginalized, or as the total number of members increases, the FAs are becoming more dispersed and loosing a sense of identity (or simply losing our ability to focus on issues relating to us...)

I very much appreciate all the hard work you have done to make all this happen and keep it running Conrad, as do all the others here. I truly do appreciate it. I'm not one who believes in dividing things and I'm not trying to cause trouble, or tell you how to run things. Being a member of this community and a life long FA, this honestly concerns me.



> I saw two generally poorly socialized groups that potentially were a match made in heaven...


One of these "poorly socialized" groups seems to be thriving... the other seems to be having a "hell" of a time getting their act together.



Stan


----------



## KendraLee

I think my response may be slightly misunderstood. Sure, being new I feel out of place, but I also feel that its normal to feel that way. I'd feel that way about any place new I was going to or anything new I'm going participate in. But thats part of life- trying new things, going new places, and meeting new people. So its ok that I feel out of place. Everyday I feel more comfortable and look forward getting to know everyone here on Dims. I still need to figure out how to use the damn qoute thing though.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

It's interesting, I'm probably a member of one of the smallest represented groups here in terms of number of people and yet, I usually feel right at home here. I admit, in the wake of certain controversies, there have been times when I have hesitated a little, or wondered, but all it ever takes to make me feel like I belong again is for me to read a post by an FA or FFA that captures exactly how I feel about something, or to see a post by a BBW or BHM that answers some question I have as an FFA or makes me understand some issue better and I have some sort of "aha" moment and feel like I belong again. And this place as a whole has given me a better understanding of myself and made me more confident and made me feel less alone as a fat admirer. The sense of relief I have felt here sometimes when reading certain threads is truly amazing. And I have found many people from all of the categories here (BHM/BBW/FA/FAA) who have engaged with me on the boards and privately through PMs or who have responded to me when I reached out to them and I have always felt supported in that way. When I was new it took me some time to figure the boards out and to understand that I would be welcome beyond the BHM board, but I have definitely always felt welcomed by all for the most part. I think it takes everyone time to find their place here but it has been worth the effort to try in my opinion. 


And I wanted to say to Keb, who posted earlier here that you and I are on different ends of the spectrum on most things, but I read Hyde Park a lot and you have given me reason to think about issues from the opposite viewpoint and to challenge myself to really examine why I believe what I do. I find you intelligent, interesting and well spoken and I am glad you are here and I thank you for presenting opposing views from the majority here in such a logical, well thought out way and I respect you tremendously for following your conscience and standing up for your beliefs in the face of opposition.

And BGB, I think you feel at home everywhere because you are a cool guy and you have the inner peace that only hedgehog ownership can bring.(I still have hedgehog envy.)


----------



## SocialbFly

KendraLee said:


> OK, so I'm really new here. Do I feel left out and out of place? absolutely. There is history here and so many times I've come across old posts that I think "Damn I would have loved responding to that back then". But I'm here now, and now is where I will start. I don't know how the chat rooms are because I'm not completely comfortable in chat rooms but it seems to me that some people are just able to join in easier than others based on thier personality and of course it doesnt hurt when the people involved actually know eachother. I just figure its up to me to put myself out there. Noones told me to shut up and go away yet.
> 
> As for the married guys- I'm not anymore suspicious of them than the non married guys. I imagine they're here for the same reasons most of us are to socialize and be around people who understand issues they've faced and get support.
> 
> My only complaint so far is finding people(ok guys) who are closer to my age. It seems that they are either quite a bit older or quite a bit younger. I'm pretty envious (in a good way) of the younger girls right now. I never had a boyfriend in highschool nor went to any of my proms or semi's, so its great to see a lot of younger guys who are able to feel more comfortable dating and appreciating bigger girls.
> 
> ok now you can tell me to shut up and go away




I would never do that, but i will tell you, that a wise woman once told me that if you want to feel like you belong, you have to share some of yourself, otherwise, people dont know where or what to post with you, nor do they understand you....

so, i say, post away, there are friends to be made and people to know, and just like real life, there are always some that will not please you...it's called life, only here we also have a unique function life doesnt have...its called IGNORE....

good luck and welcome...


----------



## Carl1h

I don't post here a lot, but I've been lurking and watching the size acceptance movement since I found it on the newsgroups in the early 90's. What was true then is true now, FAs are a part of the backbone of this movement. When it comes to knowledge about what it's like getting along being fat there are a lot of married FAs who are knowledgeable and resourceful beyond what a lot of fat people are themselves. The reason is simple, they love their BBW wives and they want them to be as happy and well cared for as possible, in other words, be good husbands. You all probably don't get the credit you deserve, but I can testify to the contributions that the thin, married FAs make to the size acceptance community... even if as a fat man all thin men are my avowed enemies. 

You know, there was a thread or two around asking what the definition of masculine was. I think I could hold up the supportive, married FA, joining and becoming a mover in the fat acceptance movement, not out of self interest, but out of support for loved ones, if not as the definition of masculine, certainly as a fine example of a man.



Webmaster said:


> Well, keep in mind that I started this as a thin, married FA, and I did NOT start it for single FAs to score. Instead, the idea was getting FAs, all FAs, a place where they could gather, exchange experiences, learn from one another, realize that they were not the only ones in the world to have those feelings and desires.
> 
> But I also felt that many fat women could benefit from learning more about FAs, how they felt, how they saw the world and fat women, and so on. I felt that would help finding more self appreciation and confidence as a spiritual as well as a sexual being.
> 
> I saw two generally poorly socialized groups that potentially were a match made in heaven, if they only learned to understand each other and came to trust each other. And over the years, many couples found each other through our Dimensions community.
> 
> Dimensions IS a place for FAs. It was created for FAs. I've always seen FAs as very reliable, tireless supporters of the size acceptance movement. And I certainly saw their dedication confirmed during the many years I was NAAFA's chairman of the board. Being a FA means more than finding a fat partner. To me, and to many others, it means a deep dedication to size acceptance.


----------



## ripley

I joined Dims about four years ago or so...man, I was shy! I'd never had internet at home before that, and had never been in a chat room or belonged to a forum.

I had a different name when I first started to chat...and I was made fun of and ignored. I saw other people being greeted and joining in, and I felt jealous and shut out. I wrote off chat, and thought what a hostile, nasty group of people were there. I started posting to the forums instead (the old software) and wasn't a big hit there, either. I got in an argument with another poster. I made a silly thread about (if I can even remember right) weird things that your fat does (noises, the fact that when I yawn hugely my fat cheeks try to flip my eyelids inside out, stuff like that) and I got one reply (thanks, edx. ). I felt like a pretty much huge dork.

Thing is...I kept trying. It was worth it to me to not say "This is crap, I'm giving up." And now I have many, many friends here, some quite dear to me. When I go into chat people greet me almost every time. I feel comfortable enough on the boards to act silly, and joke, and more importantly, to give my opinion and stand by it. That is something that I don't do a lot in my normal life, believe it or not. I decided to use this place to try to become more comfortable talking to strangers, gain more confidence in expressing my opinion...and I think I've succeeded, though it hasn't been without bumps in the road.

I guess what I'm getting at is that we have ALL started from a place where we didn't know anyone. Sure, Dims was smaller then, and not so hard to get your voice heard. But that just means you might have to work harder. Dims has over 27,000 members. Imagine sitting in a stadium filled with 27,000 people, all talking at the same time...would you expect to walk in and speak into the cacophony and have everyone stop and welcome you and acknowledge everything you have to say? Sure, there are some groups sitting with their friends, and they have inside jokes or histories with others. That doesn't mean you're unwanted. That doesn't mean that you won't find friends here that will be dear to you. It doesn't mean that people aren't noticing you, just because they don't respond. So many people are on my radar that I rarely respond to, but I think they're neat people nonetheless.

I guess my advice is to not give up. It's not easy sometimes, but it's worth it.


----------



## DjGreedyG

I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.

Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money. I'm a DJ on local radio and it ain't the glamorous lifestyle that some people think that it is. I pay my bills, have enough money to socialise, buy new clothes and go on holiday/vacation and that's about it. Sometimes it comes across to me that if you ain't got a ton of money you might as well go to hell. Being a nice guy doesn't count for shit anymore. It's true that nice guys get crapped on. Well hey, how about other people drop their shitty attitudes and become nice too? 

Just my two pence/cents.

Gordy


----------



## butch

fa_man_stan said:


> That's all very true what you say and I believe your sincerity... But NAAFA was also founded by a male, William J. Fabrey and lets face it Conrad, after you left NAAFA, everything FA was basically jettisoned from the organization and even support for the fat males has been marginalized... if this post is any indication. For all practical purposes, NAAFA is now basically run by women and is an organization for women. It wasn't originally so.
> 
> I'm not insinuating that this is what is happening at Dimensions, but the parallels are undeniable, or at least there is a very strong case that the parallels exist. At very least, I think it can be said that the ratio of men to women here in Dimensions is significantly on the side of the women, no doubt you could give us the exact numbers to confirm or reject this observation. There is nothing bad about that per se, but I think we are seeing the beginning signs of the men (thin FAs in particular) getting marginalized, or as the total number of members increases, the FAs are becoming more dispersed and loosing a sense of identity (or simply losing our ability to focus on issues relating to us...)
> 
> I very much appreciate all the hard work you have done to make all this happen and keep it running Conrad, as do all the others here. I truly do appreciate it. I'm not one who believes in dividing things and I'm not trying to cause trouble, or tell you how to run things. Being a member of this community and a life long FA, this honestly concerns me.
> 
> 
> One of these "poorly socialized" groups seems to be thriving... the other seems to be having a "hell" of a time getting their act together.
> 
> 
> 
> Stan



Stan,

I have to disagree with part of this post. From my experience as a member of NAAFA and my other experiences in fat activism, I can tell you that fat activism wherever it may be is desperate for the inclusion of fat men. Its talked about a lot in the various real life and online spaces where I meet with others to talk about fat activism, and I wish I knew how to get more fat men involved, because fat activism isn't just for women. In fact, such a construction actually is used against fat activism by those outside the movement, because of the inherant sexism and fatphobia in our society.

For example, in Greg Crister's Fat Land, he dismisses all fat activism by labeling it a movement of middle aged fat white women only, as if this is the last group of people on the planet who should demand equal rights and the end of discrimination. The article in the NYTimes almost 2 years ago about fat studies painted it as a field started by, and for, lesbian women, so this idea that fat activist spaces are only for women is something the fat haters perpetrate so that we never get the critical mass of fat positive people we need to make real change in this society. As long as most fat people and thin people think fat activism is the refuge of people who embody every historical misogynist stereotype of non-coforming women, then yeah, men aren't going to join, and thus the movement fails, pure and simple.

Whether we're talking fat activism, dims, or real life, you need to assert yourself if you want to belong. I've said it a thousand times, and I'll say it a thousand more: I belong, and this site is not designed for people like me. Pure and simple, because I MAKE it accept me, or at least tolerate me, whether anyone likes it or not. I make myself belong for the same reason any fat man and/or F(F)A should force SA/FA places to accept them, because as people who care about fat people in some shape or fashion, we're stronger if we come together, regardless of our differences, then we are if we divide ourselves up into little spaces where everyone has the same experiences and the same opinions. I want fat activism to actually win someday, and it won't happen if we hide away in our various corners and refuse to do the work of coming together despite our individual needs and grievances.

Stan, you rock, and you are so instrumental to dims that it perplexes me so much to see how you feel. I don't discount your feelings at all, but I wonder how as a group we can address feelings of not belonging in a way that respects difference but still allows a sense of commonality and inclusion?


So, to recap, I fit in, even as I recognize that I don't fit in because of my sexuality and my gender and my belief that we should stop segregating ourselves so much.


----------



## LillyBBBW

DjGreedyG said:


> I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.
> 
> Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money. I'm a DJ on local radio and it ain't the glamorous lifestyle that some people think that it is. I pay my bills, have enough money to socialise, buy new clothes and go on holiday/vacation and that's about it. Sometimes it comes across to me that if you ain't got a ton of money you might as well go to hell. Being a nice guy doesn't count for shit anymore. It's true that nice guys get crapped on. Well hey, how about other people drop their shitty attitudes and become nice too?
> 
> Just my two pence/cents.
> 
> Gordy



Just because I make a shit load of money and live on my own private island doesn't mean you have to be rude to me. What have I ever done to you? I'm so upset right now. I'd say more but Jose just pulled up out front in the Bently to drive me to the East Wing of my estate for my noontime massage. I'll have words with you later young man.


----------



## TraciJo67

DjGreedyG said:


> I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.
> 
> Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money. I'm a DJ on local radio and it ain't the glamorous lifestyle that some people think that it is. * I pay my bills, have enough money to socialise, buy new clothes and go on holiday/vacation and that's about it. * Sometimes it comes across to me that if you ain't got a ton of money you might as well go to hell. Being a nice guy doesn't count for shit anymore. It's true that nice guys get crapped on. Well hey, how about other people drop their shitty attitudes and become nice too?
> 
> Just my two pence/cents.
> 
> Gordy



Huh? We have to have lots of money in order to fit in around here? Damn, I'd better pack it in, then.


----------



## butch

fa_man_stan said:


> That's all very true what you say and I believe your sincerity... But NAAFA was also founded by a male, William J. Fabrey and lets face it Conrad, after you left NAAFA, everything FA was basically jettisoned from the organization and even support for the fat males has been marginalized... if this post is any indication. For all practical purposes, NAAFA is now basically run by women and is an organization for women. It wasn't originally so.
> 
> I'm not insinuating that this is what is happening at Dimensions, but the parallels are undeniable, or at least there is a very strong case that the parallels exist. At very least, I think it can be said that the ratio of men to women here in Dimensions is significantly on the side of the women, no doubt you could give us the exact numbers to confirm or reject this observation. There is nothing bad about that per se, but I think we are seeing the beginning signs of the men (thin FAs in particular) getting marginalized, or as the total number of members increases, the FAs are becoming more dispersed and loosing a sense of identity (or simply losing our ability to focus on issues relating to us...)
> 
> I very much appreciate all the hard work you have done to make all this happen and keep it running Conrad, as do all the others here. I truly do appreciate it. I'm not one who believes in dividing things and I'm not trying to cause trouble, or tell you how to run things. Being a member of this community and a life long FA, this honestly concerns me.
> 
> 
> One of these "poorly socialized" groups seems to be thriving... the other seems to be having a "hell" of a time getting their act together.
> 
> 
> 
> Stan



nevermind, as emily litela would say


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

DjGreedyG said:


> I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.
> 
> Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money. I'm a DJ on local radio and it ain't the glamorous lifestyle that some people think that it is. I pay my bills, have enough money to socialise, buy new clothes and go on holiday/vacation and that's about it. Sometimes it comes across to me that if you ain't got a ton of money you might as well go to hell. Being a nice guy doesn't count for shit anymore. It's true that nice guys get crapped on. Well hey, how about other people drop their shitty attitudes and become nice too?
> 
> Just my two pence/cents.
> 
> Gordy



.. 

What?

It's not your lack of cents that is the problem .. what is that other word .. when you say it outloud .. kinda sounds similar .. oh yeah. SENSE.

Now, just curious, what exactly gave you this idea and can you support it?


----------



## Surlysomething

LillyBBBW said:


> Just because I make a shit load of money and live on my own private island doesn't mean you have to be rude to me. What have I ever done to you? I'm so upset right now. I'd say more but Jose just pulled up out front in the Bently to drive me to the East Wing of my estate for my noontime massage. I'll have words with you later young man.



I almost couldn't see this post from the glare of all my diamonds.
:doh:


----------



## Surlysomething

DjGreedyG said:


> I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.
> 
> Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money. I'm a DJ on local radio and it ain't the glamorous lifestyle that some people think that it is. I pay my bills, have enough money to socialise, buy new clothes and go on holiday/vacation and that's about it. Sometimes it comes across to me that if you ain't got a ton of money you might as well go to hell. Being a nice guy doesn't count for shit anymore. It's true that nice guys get crapped on. Well hey, how about other people drop their shitty attitudes and become nice too?
> 
> Just my two pence/cents.
> 
> Gordy



I bet you'll find that people are pretty average here. Most living paycheque to paycheque. It's the way of the world pretty much.

And if there are savings, it's hard fought. I haven't bought new clothes or been on a proper vacation for years. So how about you drop your shitty attitude and be thankful you don't live in a third world country.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Surlysomething said:


> I almost couldn't see this post from the glare of all my diamonds.
> :doh:



It caused my monocle to pop out from the sheer audacity of it all. 

I NEVER. *faints* When I awoke I ate 3 bald eagles.

It calms me down, you know?


----------



## Surlysomething

BothGunsBlazing said:


> It caused my monocle to pop out from the sheer audacity of it all.
> 
> I NEVER. *faints* When I awoke I ate 3 bald eagles.



Bald eagles SPRINKLED in 24K Gold! (I need to re-order mine)


----------



## MoonGoddess

DjGreedyG said:


> I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.
> 
> Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money.


_
Gordy, no offense intended here, but I have NEVER gotten the impression that folks here are rolling in the bucks. There are a lot of really hard working people at Dims (myself included) who are lucky to have a pot to piss in. There are some who are unemployed, some who are disabled. If it 'seems' that some are well to do, I would think it is attributed to using common financial sense._


----------



## Red

DjGreedyG said:


> I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.
> 
> Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money. I'm a DJ on local radio and it ain't the glamorous lifestyle that some people think that it is. I pay my bills, have enough money to socialise, buy new clothes and go on holiday/vacation and that's about it. Sometimes it comes across to me that if you ain't got a ton of money you might as well go to hell. Being a nice guy doesn't count for shit anymore. It's true that nice guys get crapped on. Well hey, how about other people drop their shitty attitudes and become nice too?
> 
> Just my two pence/cents.
> 
> Gordy





Seriously dude, where did you get that idea from?


----------



## Blackjack

BothGunsBlazing said:


> It caused my monocle to pop out from the sheer audacity of it all.


----------



## DjGreedyG

Ok sorry.

I just read some of the threads about what do women want in a guy and the money thing comes up quite a lot.

It's true that no-one wants a guy or gal who's living on welfare or handouts from their relatives, but I have had personal experience of someone who said she couldn't see me because I was only making £11,000 ($22,000) a year.

I shouldn't be hasty and base everything on that, I apologise.

Gordy


----------



## Webmaster

Carl1h said:


> .... You know, there was a thread or two around asking what the definition of masculine was. I think I could hold up the supportive, married FA, joining and becoming a mover in the fat acceptance movement, not out of self interest, but out of support for loved ones, if not as the definition of masculine, certainly as a fine example of a man.



That is a very kind statement. Thank you.

See, from "our" point of view, it's really quite complex, too. I've been outraged at size discrimination about as long as I can remember. My being a FA was always defined by both preferring a fat partner and by wanting to help end discrimination. So while intellectually I would pick up this cause anyway, I was also seemingly programmed for it. It just always seemed the right thing to do. 

One of the biggest problems we had when NAAFA was in its heydays was that people always seemed to split into groups and form factions who'd then fight. Mid-size women complained that they were not accepted or that the supersize women treated them badly or snatched away all the men. The supersize women would complain that it was really the smaller women who snatched the men. The politically minded sneered at those who joined for social reasons. The socially minded portrayed the activists as angry mouthfoamers.

Fat men felt NAAFA was just for fat women and thin FAs. Thin FAs felt excluded because someone or other would always tell them they did not belong because, after all, they had no clue what it really meant to be fat. Bisexuals or gay/lesbians would try to hijack the cause for their own purposes and sneer at anyone who did not share their orientation because those people, of course, were "phobic." 

And so on and so on and so on. 

None of that ever made sense to me, and it makes no sense now. Sure, as an average-size FA I may not physically know what it's like, exactly, to be a different bodysize. Just as I really don't know what it'd be like to be short or tall or Burmese. But I don't think that should stop anyone from caring, participating, and helping. Like, should cancer researchers give up studying the disease and trying to find a cure just because they don't know what it's like to have cancer? The world is full of examples of how people help one another and aim for a larger goal instead of forming groups and sniping at each other.

So that is what this community is all about. It's for fat people and those who prefer and admire them. As such, everyone who understands that and is willing and able to follow the basic rules of human decency and kindness is welcome and belongs. Our cause transcends factionalism and pettiness. Whether one likes an individual person or not, we are a community and we look out after each other and care for one another.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

DjGreedyG said:


> I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.
> 
> Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money. I'm a DJ on local radio and it ain't the glamorous lifestyle that some people think that it is. I pay my bills, have enough money to socialise, buy new clothes and go on holiday/vacation and that's about it. Sometimes it comes across to me that if you ain't got a ton of money you might as well go to hell. Being a nice guy doesn't count for shit anymore. It's true that nice guys get crapped on. Well hey, how about other people drop their shitty attitudes and become nice too?
> 
> Just my two pence/cents.
> 
> Gordy



I'm the single mother of three children and get little financial help from Dad. I assure you that I am not that well off financially and I seem to do okay here. Not sure where you got your impressions.....


----------



## TraciJo67

DjGreedyG said:


> Ok sorry.
> 
> I just read some of the threads about what do women want in a guy and the money thing comes up quite a lot.
> 
> It's true that no-one wants a guy or gal who's living on welfare or handouts from their relatives, but I have had personal experience of *someone who said she couldn't see me because I was only making £11,000 ($22,000) a year.*
> 
> I shouldn't be hasty and base everything on that, I apologise.
> 
> Gordy



How did she even know what you make? I've been married for 14 years, and I'm not sure that my own husband knows exactly what I earn.

Isn't this the type of discussion one generally reserves for that point at which you might want to consider serious involvement?


----------



## Tina

DjGreedyG said:


> I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.
> 
> Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money. I'm a DJ on local radio and it ain't the glamorous lifestyle that some people think that it is. I pay my bills, have enough money to socialise, buy new clothes and go on holiday/vacation and that's about it. Sometimes it comes across to me that if you ain't got a ton of money you might as well go to hell. Being a nice guy doesn't count for shit anymore. It's true that nice guys get crapped on. Well hey, how about other people drop their shitty attitudes and become nice too?
> 
> Just my two pence/cents.
> 
> Gordy








I'm sorry, just what board have you been reading.You seem to have been reading a board in an alternate universe...

Frankly, as a group, fat people earn less than thin people, but I won't go into that. Let's talk about these delusions you're having and your attitude...


----------



## Tad

fa_man_stan said:


> What if a married male's wife absolutely refuses to participate with him? Then Dimensions is a dead end for him beyond anything other than cyber-friendships.



Rather....


----------



## Shosh

TraciJo67 said:


> Huh? We have to have lots of money in order to fit in around here? Damn, I'd better pack it in, then.



I have not got a dime to scratch my ass with at the mo either, so I also best take my leave.


----------



## DjGreedyG

Hey I apologised okay.

I come from a poor background, always had to do without nice stuff when I was younger, my parents couldn't even afford to put me into university. 

I have no problems with telling someone what I earn, it's not a state secret.

As for the whole money issue, well don't thousands of women enjoy the show/movie "Sex And The City"? A show where the lead female characters judge the men they are dating on the money that they have and their occupations. Or did I just dream that show up? Okay I know not everyone is like that but I've personally met people who are. And I can only go on personal experience. I don't make things up.

Hey, maybe I'm just jealous of others. There I said it


----------



## Surlysomething

DjGreedyG said:


> As for the whole money issue, well don't thousands of women enjoy the show/movie "Sex And The City"? A show where the lead female characters judge the men they are dating on the money that they have and their occupations.



It's a tv show/movie, right? You think the whole world of women is into that? Maybe you're hangin' out with the wrong people, mate. Being entertained and thinking you NEED $900 Manalo's is a bit different. You have quite the chip on your shoulder. Haha.

Be happy with what you have or change it! :bow:


----------



## TraciJo67

DjGreedyG said:


> As for the whole money issue, well don't thousands of women enjoy the show/movie "Sex And The City"? A show where the lead female characters judge the men they are dating on the money that they have and their occupations.



The show/movie "Sex and The City" is just that ... pretty fantasies. I'm not suggesting that there aren't lots of gold-diggers out there ... just as there's lots of men who are searching for nothing more than arm candy. But you are generalizing.

Imagine that I said to you that no man wants to date me because I don't have gigantic boobs, nor am I fashion model slim and beautiful. Would you object to that categorization, even if I didn't specifically mention you as one of "those" men?


----------



## Tina

DJ, thank you for your honesty, it really is appreciated.

A couple of things. A person can enjoy a TV show without acting like the characters in it in real life, no? I'm guessing if you think about it, you can admit that there are some TV shows and movies over which you laugh, or smile, or just plain enjoy where you'd never behave as the character onscreen is, yet, you will still watch and enjoy it, no?

Also, I can see that you are bitter about your circumstances. I'm not blaming you for that or trying to scold you for it, because I know from my own experience that it's understandable. But, I also know from my own experience that jealousy and bitterness will eat you up. It definitely hurts you WAY more than anyone else. I've had to find ways to let go of those feelings, to stop being so mired by my mental processes and get out of my own head and try to find ways to work towards changing my situation, even if it's little tiny degree by little tiny degree. Even though I'm not making much progress yet, it's empowering and the change in focus is very helpful. Negative attracts negative; positive attracts positive (usually). 

The best to you in your future. I hope you're able to make a better future for yourself than the past you have had.


----------



## DjGreedyG

Thanks Tina.

Yes, okay you sussed me out right there. 

I guess I am quite jealous and I do dwell a lot on bad stuff that's happened to me.

I'm a nice guy really. I'm just struggling a bit at the moment and if I met someone tomorrow I could just about afford to hang out with her every week but I couldn't afford to go on vacation or buy her nice stuff. That aside, there probably are ladies out there who would rather go camping for a week than go to the Caribbean for 2 weeks, guess I just gotta be patient.

Sorry that I rubbed some of you up the wrong way, I guess I could have put things a lot better than I did, I was just going on my own past and I shouldn't have generalised.

Gordy


----------



## MoonGoddess

Webmaster said:


> T
> One of the biggest problems we had when NAAFA was in its heydays was that people always seemed to split into groups and form factions who'd then fight. Mid-size women complained that they were not accepted or that the supersize women treated them badly or snatched away all the men. The supersize women would complain that it was really the smaller women who snatched the men. The politically minded sneered at those who joined for social reasons. The socially minded portrayed the activists as angry mouthfoamers.
> 
> Fat men felt NAAFA was just for fat women and thin FAs. Thin FAs felt excluded because someone or other would always tell them they did not belong because, after all, they had no clue what it really meant to be fat. Bisexuals or gay/lesbians would try to hijack the cause for their own purposes and sneer at anyone who did not share their orientation because those people, of course, were "phobic."
> 
> And so on and so on and so on.
> 
> None of that ever made sense to me, and it makes no sense now. Sure, as an average-size FA I may not physically know what it's like, exactly, to be a different bodysize. Just as I really don't know what it'd be like to be short or tall or Burmese. But I don't think that should stop anyone from caring, participating, and helping. Like, should cancer researchers give up studying the disease and trying to find a cure just because they don't know what it's like to have cancer? The world is full of examples of how people help one another and aim for a larger goal instead of forming groups and sniping at each other.
> 
> So that is what this community is all about. It's for fat people and those who prefer and admire them. As such, everyone who understands that and is willing and able to follow the basic rules of human decency and kindness is welcome and belongs. Our cause transcends factionalism and pettiness. Whether one likes an individual person or not, we are a community and we look out after each other and care for one another.



_Thank you Conrad, for so eloquently phrasing what so many of us have been thinking...yet did not have the words for._


----------



## Tina

It's forgotten, Gordy. New start, okay?

Welcome to Dimensions, and I hope to get to know the non-jealous Gordy better. 

Oh, BTW, I've never been one to value money over the actual guy. My first husband was an mechanic and didn't earn a lot. We used to love to camp and go on picnics. While practicality must figure into the mix, the woman worthy of you will value you over your wallet any day.


----------



## mossystate

So, if this place is not _exactly_ how one wants it, it's ok to poop on huge groups of people...ok...* makes note *...I have said it before..we alllll drag our outside lives to this place..the good and the bad and whatever resides in the middle. If the outside's paint is peeling, don't expect the inside of places to feel comfy.


----------



## LillyBBBW

DjGreedyG said:


> Thanks Tina.
> 
> Yes, okay you sussed me out right there.
> 
> I guess I am quite jealous and I do dwell a lot on bad stuff that's happened to me.
> 
> I'm a nice guy really. I'm just struggling a bit at the moment and if I met someone tomorrow I could just about afford to hang out with her every week but I couldn't afford to go on vacation or buy her nice stuff. That aside, there probably are ladies out there who would rather go camping for a week than go to the Caribbean for 2 weeks, guess I just gotta be patient.
> 
> Sorry that I rubbed some of you up the wrong way, I guess I could have put things a lot better than I did, I was just going on my own past and I shouldn't have generalised.
> 
> Gordy



I remember meeting a guy online who at the time was unemployed. We had the best conversations and finally couldn't wait to meet each other. When we went out we always split the bill because he was broke and so was I. It was months before he found a job and from then on he insisted on paying but he didn't have to. I enjoyed hanging out with him. That's just me though.


----------



## Tina

Yeah, you know, I think a lot of women are this way -- not always following the dollar. I do know a few who do, though, and won't even consider a guy who doesn't have an excellent income.

A very old friend of mine came to visit me once some years ago. She commented something like "what are you doing here with ____ when you could have married ____ (a friend of her husband's, who she tried to hook me up with) and have a house in Bel Air and a condo on Venice Beach?" That was all she valued, and she herself was with someone she wasn't totally in love with because he was wealthy himself. It felt icky to kiss the guy. The way I saw it, were I to have hooked up with ___, it would have been prostitution, because it would have been for money only. The chemistry has to be there, or I don't care how rich the guy is.


----------



## Renaissance Woman

My out of place-ness has to do with body size. There's definitely a "bigger is better" vibe around here, and I don't make the cut. The other reason I feel out of place is I'm not a feedee, and am not looking to gain. Seems like if that's not your thing, you're not gonna be the focus of attention.


----------



## KHayes666

Renaissance Woman said:


> My out of place-ness has to do with body size. There's definitely a "bigger is better" vibe around here, and I don't make the cut. The other reason I feel out of place is I'm not a feedee, and am not looking to gain. Seems like if that's not your thing, you're not gonna be the focus of attention.



Let's just say, after meeting you last friday...I DON'T want you to be a feedee/gainer/whatever because you looked great just the way you are.

Bigger is better, but you don't have to be bigger to be better. In fact you're better in my opinion for not being bigger than you already are ;-)


----------



## LillyBBBW

Renaissance Woman said:


> My out of place-ness has to do with body size. There's definitely a "bigger is better" vibe around here, and I don't make the cut. The other reason I feel out of place is I'm not a feedee, and am not looking to gain. Seems like if that's not your thing, you're not gonna be the focus of attention.



Being a feedee doesn't put you in good with anybody but Keebler and KFC, trust me on this.


----------



## Webmaster

mossystate said:


> So, if this place is not _exactly_ how one wants it, it's ok to poop on huge groups of people...ok...* makes note *...I have said it before..we alllll drag our outside lives to this place..the good and the bad and whatever resides in the middle. If the outside's paint is peeling, don't expect the inside of places to feel comfy.



Not in my book. Like I said above, Dimensions for fat people and those who prefer and admire them. As such, everyone who understands that and is willing and able to follow the basic rules of human decency and kindness is welcome and belongs. Our cause transcends factionalism and pettiness. Whether one likes an individual person or not, we are a community and we look out after each other and care for one another.


----------



## mossystate

Webmaster said:


> Our cause transcends factionalism .



My post was a bit too cryptic, but, this bit of yours was the gist of mine:bow:


----------



## Ruby Ripples

DjGreedyG said:


> I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.
> 
> Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money. I'm a DJ on local radio and it ain't the glamorous lifestyle that some people think that it is. I pay my bills, have enough money to socialise, buy new clothes and go on holiday/vacation and that's about it. Sometimes it comes across to me that if you ain't got a ton of money you might as well go to hell. Being a nice guy doesn't count for shit anymore. It's true that nice guys get crapped on. Well hey, how about other people drop their shitty attitudes and become nice too?
> 
> Just my two pence/cents.
> 
> Gordy



Bollox. Im on Income support, can't remember my last holiday or the last time my back account was in the black and I post here all the time. Dimensions has absolutely NOTHING to do with having money and I really would love you to quote anything that could back up your opinion there. And the last part is pathetic in the truest sense, nice guys don't get crapped on any more than anyone else. Your attitude is the shitty one there, sad to say. 

I've never thought about a man's money, it just doesn't come into it. It doesn't cost much to take a picnic to a nice botanic gardens, for goodness sake you can join a website where you get free tickets to premieres of movies- http://www.seefilmfirst.com/homepage.welcome.action, so you only have your fares to pay and you can take popcorn and coke in with you. I know, because thats how i do it! Anyone I knew who was so materialistic to think like the Sex & The City women, was removed from my life long ago, and yes there are people like them in real life, but there are many more people with proper priorities. 

I can honestly say hand on my heart that I've never ever felt or been made to feel here that my opinion was any less valid than anyone else's. I hope you decide to post more often, then you will see that too.


----------



## DjGreedyG

Did you miss the post where I apologised and explained myself?


----------



## gravity.plan

Reading through it all, it doesn't seem like you should have anything to worry about, DJ.

Really.. it might be better to still be on the lower side of the scale when single.. at least that way you don't have to worry about any of your dates having a monetary agenda!


----------



## mossystate

Thing is....most people have ' agendas '. The agenda might not be a total in your face declaration, but, yeah, human beings will always want what they want. Heck, could be said that those out here who will only be with a person who looks..this way..that way...that other way, over there....have an agenda of sorts. 

The only thing each of us can do is to be ok with what we want, and not care what others say. If we are not what our objects of desire want..we might feel like we are.....less than worthy..which is simply not true. So someone likes a person with ' money '...so? I sure as hell won't be that person, but then, I am not fond of any person who is so..........focused..no matter the focus.


----------



## Tina

Very wise, Mossy. I totally agree.


----------



## AnnMarie

DjGreedyG said:


> I kinda feel out of place because it seems to me that you have to be a successful and financially well off person to post here.
> 
> Everyone seems to have great jobs and plenty of money. I'm a DJ on local radio and it ain't the glamorous lifestyle that some people think that it is. I pay my bills, have enough money to socialise, buy new clothes and go on holiday/vacation and that's about it. Sometimes it comes across to me that if you ain't got a ton of money you might as well go to hell. Being a nice guy doesn't count for shit anymore. It's true that nice guys get crapped on. Well hey, how about other people drop their shitty attitudes and become nice too?
> 
> Just my two pence/cents.
> 
> Gordy



The majority of my friends and posters that I like very much often don't have two dollars to rub together, so while I understand that is your feeling... I have to say it's not been my experience here at all. Some have, some don't, but it costs nothing to type and interact here and that's a great equalizer of being in an online community. No cars to check out, no clothing labels, no resumes... just you, your thoughts, and observers of it all. We don't check bank accounts... so please don't let the thought of that keep you from joining in.


----------



## AnnMarie

DjGreedyG said:


> Did you miss the post where I apologised and explained myself?



People tend to respond as they're reading along.... you'll have to get used to that. 

I see you apologized, explained, and I'm glad you see that this place is not what you seemed to believe. 

Welcome.


----------



## ataraxia

Renaissance Woman said:


> My out of place-ness has to do with body size. There's definitely a "bigger is better" vibe around here, and I don't make the cut. The other reason I feel out of place is I'm not a feedee, and am not looking to gain. Seems like if that's not your thing, you're not gonna be the focus of attention.



My impression is that the kind of people who ignore you unless you're a feedee and/or gainer are the kind of people whose attention you wouldn't enjoy anyway.


----------



## KendraLee

Renaissance Woman said:


> My out of place-ness has to do with body size. There's definitely a "bigger is better" vibe around here, and I don't make the cut. The other reason I feel out of place is I'm not a feedee, and am not looking to gain. Seems like if that's not your thing, you're not gonna be the focus of attention.



I know what you mean. The last guy I was with wanted me to be bigger and I like myself how I am. Funny thing is, I gained after we stopped seeing eachother.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

DjGreedyG said:


> Hey I apologised okay.
> 
> I come from a poor background, always had to do without nice stuff when I was younger, my parents couldn't even afford to put me into university.
> 
> I have no problems with telling someone what I earn, it's not a state secret.
> 
> As for the whole money issue, well don't thousands of women enjoy the show/movie "Sex And The City"? A show where the lead female characters judge the men they are dating on the money that they have and their occupations. Or did I just dream that show up? Okay I know not everyone is like that but I've personally met people who are. And I can only go on personal experience. I don't make things up.
> 
> Hey, maybe I'm just jealous of others. There I said it




I'm laughing...............cause YOU watch Sex and the City.....*I* don't. Nor do I watch Lifetime TV or The View. Let me guess........


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

gravity.plan said:


> Reading through it all, it doesn't seem like you should have anything to worry about, DJ.
> 
> Really.. it might be better to still be on the lower side of the scale when single.. at least that way you don't have to worry about any of your dates having a monetary agenda!




Good point....I want a man to ask me out because he likes *me* and not how I look. Seems like a man would prefer a woman that likes him for who he is and not if he can take her on vacation.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

I get that too... like I'm not big enough.  Nor am I a feedee.




Renaissance Woman said:


> My out of place-ness has to do with body size. There's definitely a "bigger is better" vibe around here, and I don't make the cut. The other reason I feel out of place is I'm not a feedee, and am not looking to gain. Seems like if that's not your thing, you're not gonna be the focus of attention.






I've had the problem too... I've met several guys thru here and they want me to gain... a lot... and I am quite happy where I am. It can be very frustrating.



KendraLee said:


> I know what you mean. The last guy I was with wanted me to be bigger and I like myself how I am. Funny thing is, I gained after we stopped seeing eachother.


----------



## ripley

Just as a side note I'd like to say that your stereotypical "Sex and the City" girl would not have me (super sized, poor) as a friend. 

It's not just non-rich guys, ya know? And yeah, I saw where you explained (good on ya) but I'm just giving my two pence too.


----------



## JayInBuff

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Good point....I want a man to ask me out because he likes *me* and not how I look. Seems like a man would prefer a woman that likes him for who he is and not if he can take her on vacation.



Some thoughts:

1) I think that as long as you are honest about why you are attracted to them and they are ok with it, it's all good to me. People are attracted to others for various reasons all of which I think are valid. Humor, looks, wealth, power, personality, being a good parent or provider, lifestyle...can all increase how attractive/unattractive some is. 


2) Great personality but not attractive to you = friends.
Very attractive to you but no personality = friends with benefits.
Great personality and attractive = relationship.


3) I guess you don't want to hear it but man, GEF is hot.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

JayInBuff said:


> Some thoughts:
> 
> 1) I think that as long as you are honest about why you are attracted to them and they are ok with it, it's all good to me. People are attracted to others for various reasons all of which I think are valid. Humor, looks, wealth, power, personality, being a good parent or provider, lifestyle...can all increase how attractive/unattractive some is.



I concur...those reasons are valid...and if both parties are comfortable, then nothing wrong with it. 



JayInBuff said:


> 2) Great personality but not attractive to you = friends.
> Very attractive to you but no personality = friends with benefits.
> Great personality and attractive = relationship.



I can see this too.....but attraction is different for many people. I have "issues of trust" that come into play with me and attraction. Part of attraction IS the personality...how he makes me feel. Attraction based upon looks only....it's never been my thing. Sure I can see a man and call him "man candy" and love how he looks....but it doesn't go any farther than admiration from afar without more to build on. That being said....ever meet those really good looking people that are really nice, smart, charming, polite, etc? They scare the hell out of me because all that perfection can't be real....are they secretly serial killers or something?  



JayInBuff said:


> 3) I guess you don't want to hear it but man, GEF is hot.



Always play the vanity card....it beats my flush draw every time :blush: :batting: :wubu: 

Thank you


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

ataraxia said:


> As for the nastiness... I protested the creation of Hyde Park from day one. If it's not on-topic, and it's not nice either, why should we allow it in our community? Why can't we tell people who want to fight, politicize, or proselytize to "take it outside", and go to some other forum?


Ataraxia, do you know the inspiration for Hyde Park, the Speaker's Corner in London? It's very much a free-for-all public debate, with the Speaker taking all comers on, starting out with whatever topic is at hand. Sometimes the discussion is rational and sometimes it's positively dripping with anger and hostility. I think any site with a public format needs to have an area for not only off-topic issues but intellectual ones as well. It's how the intellectual tone is maintained that always bothers me.

Dimensions does have a factional nature to it; any board will. You either fit in with the cliques or you don't, the same as real life. I would bet easily 40-50% of the members here rarely post at all, and are more lurkers or drive-bys than anything else, looking for free titillation and prOn linkage.

How we deal with the factions is always a trouble. As they say, people with an agenda will see it in anything given enough time and topical flow. Topics with no racial, size or sex discriminatory context can be waylaid very quickly by trolls or someone just out to make their particular point. That and many of us (myself included) don't like to lose a debate, so eventually the thread just becomes an I-suck-you-suck diatribe.



Spanky said:


> One thing a few of the ladies have mentioned to me in private, is the almost daily barrage of "come ons" PMed to them. Yes, they are men, looking to hook up (even trying the marrieds). Imagine getting hit on by women via PM. Ok, joking, most guys would go "Alriiiiiight! Woo hoo!!" But as for you (it seems) and me, especially being married, it would be very unsettling.
> 
> I can't imagine what the ladies have to go through. But it probably tarnishes all of the men here in that one has to show that they are not just married or single "preverts" looking to e-hook-up "teh wimmens of dims". The grouping of women is natural. They have a lot in common and probably feel safer knowing one isn't going to send a PM with their bewbies hanging out titled "Cute Kitty Cats".
> 
> If you can petition Conrad for a "married male Electrical Engineer FA" section of the boards, all three of us can go there.


Well, I'm one of those 'three married guys' that Spanky mentioned, but I'm a biochemist and computer geek, not an engineer. I used to be involved in local bbw clubs with the wife, but she avoided bbws after her WLS, while with me it never really affected my feelings on that, aside from the fact her friends now repulsed her. Regardless, I do like certain areas of Dimensions. It's hard to feel completely 'in place' on a site as diverse as this.

I will say that the age bracket of some posters on this site is a factor. There are a few individuals who are what I call incessant, obsessive-compulsive flirters, and I feel it's more an age-related social issue rather than someone trying to just statistically try for the largest number of women and see who 'bites'. I will say that the women of focus aren't completely innocent targets here, as some of the posts are fomented by their pictures, salacious or not, but Jesus, the one-trick pony nature of a few of them never ceases to amaze me. It's like MySpace light. I don't feel right in any sort of age ban, because you can take two 22-year-olds and have one behave completely childish and the other holds their own with 40-year-olds in terms of maturity.



edx said:


> - I'm neither single nor looking, and a lot of the threads here kind of have some degree of that assumption to them.
> 
> - I don't know any regular posters in person, I'm not going to bashes, and I don't expect that to ever particularly change.
> 
> - I'm an FA, but these days my wife is probably smaller than what most here would call a BBW, so one of my original reasons for coming here in the first place, way-back-when, is pretty much gone, and I can't even offer second hand sympathy towards other BBW's plights. And frankly a lot of the BBW here, with a fair amount of justice, have limited patience with FA involved with non-BBW women, feeling that if being an FA is so important to us why didn't we get involved with one, and if it isn't so important why do we hang around Dimensions?
> 
> - I'm obese by the medical charts, but probably not big enough to get called a BHM around here. So I'm not the sort of eye candy appreciated by many of the women here who have traditional preferences in male physique, but neither am I big enough to really feel that I fit in on the BHM board.
> 
> - I enjoy weight gain, on others or myself, and that feels like a barely tolerated thing around Dimensions these days. At the same time I'm trying to not gain (or even drop a few pounds), and I'm supporting my wife along the same lines, so I don't feel like I can contribute much to those threads that are talking about weight gain.


A great deal of us here ARE married, and it doesn't stop conversation at all; you just have to be careful to whom and in what manner you speak. It's a large forum, something for everyone. It also depends on where you go; if you go to the paysites, you're going for titillation, you go to any personals areas or flirty threads, you're gonna get hit on, man or woman.

I don't go to bashes either, mainly for the reasons I stated above, but bashes I've been to before locally were very rarely catering to married couples and were either singles get-togethers or an excuse for people to fuck in the bathroom.

The size discrimination thing is very apparent. I can't speak to that because I've always dated BBWs and have been a 'BHM' my whole life. You see more of the thin men with BBWs than you do the thin girls with BHMs, at least from what I've seen here.

You also have to be very careful about the semantics of 'gain'. If you like to get bigger, that's one thing, if you're into it for a fetish/BDSM purpose, in a means to get as big as possible, that's very different and has a huge variation on interpretation here. I've seen firsthand what a feeder thread bomb can do, and the collateral damage is massive.



> - I'm a guy, and most of the friendships that have developed between posters are between women, and it really does feel sometimes like guys are tolerated and even sometimes appreciated, but not really part of things fully. Mind you, I'm not sure I want "to be part of things fully" so this is not a complaint, but it does leave me feeling out of place at times, more of a commentator than a participant.


 I guess the issue is whether single men with more women friends on Dims have more interesting conversations than the married men with female friends (married or otherwise). The crush threads seem to be a good indication that if a popular poster were to come out as being freshly single, there wouldn't be anyone safe.



> - Some of it is probably just my innate personality. I think I'm more comfortable on the fringes of things than in the middle of them. On the few occasions that I do feel like I really belong to a group, it pretty much leaves me feeling weird and unbalanced.


 Belonging gives you a label these days, and people get very picky about labels. The way I see it, no matter how you behave on here, someone is going to be at odds with what you say, how you say it or the fact you just may look funny to them. Everyone has at least one nemesis, and once you find them, if you can't eliminate them, at least try to learn their methods to defuse them before a problem can erupt


----------



## Jon Blaze

I picked the last two. Weird, I know.

For me, it's a combination of the first two that sort of go with what I would consider experience. It's just certain threads and things that I'm clueless about because my dating experience is not so great. I can look, but I no touchee. 

Age in itself might also be a factor, but I consider it very minor for me.

five and six fall under my views period, and it's only certain people that don't agree, or make a habit of slandering me because they don't agree which is my only problem really. It's how you do it in my book. 

Language? My grammar sucks at times, which weakens my yellow belt in debate. 

These are just things that may or may not hinder me coming here. I don't feel out of place though. I get along with a lot of people here, and not always so much at other places.


----------



## wistful

I picked other.Dims is a place I've been frequenting a long time..it has to be about 11 years now.I continue to come here because these forums are pretty much the number one place on the internet to discuss size acceptance and there is a great deal of intelligent discussion to be found here regarding all the different facets of being fat/admiring fatness.However,I've noticed a shift in the tone here and it's one that I'm really not all that comfortable with.


There's a certain meanness that's set in around these parts, a certain feeling that it's ok to be nasty about anything *but* fatness.Of course,not everyone is like this and it's the people who are kind or at the very least try to be kind that keep me coming back here.Sometimes I can understand some of the harshness here...For example when I see a man who continually makes dehumanizing comments about women and he is finally ripped into or set straight, I do tend to think "right on".I'm far from perfect myself.

For me though my kindness and my empathy are tied into my feelings on size acceptance.My belief that fat people should be treated with dignity and respect stems from my belief that *all people* unless they have proven they deserve otherwise, should be treated with dignity and respect.If you actively participate in nastiness and the humilation of other people but still tow the size acceptance line,then really what good is it? 

I sometimes find myself frustrated around these parts by what I perceive to be a certain lack of unwillingness to see the link between different oppressions and how they form and shape one another.Over the years I've seen way more homophobia,racism and sexism then I'm comfortable with.However,I've also frequently seen people take on and challenge people with these viewpoints with much more passion and eloquence then I could ever muster.

Part of me realizes that perhaps I'm being a bit unfair.I started coming to this site when I was in my earlyish twenties and now as I'm approaching my mid-thirties I'm finding that many of my beliefs have changed.The fact that Dims doesn't work for me quite as well as it once did might very well be due to internal shifts within myself that have little to do with this website.For the time being I'm going to keep coming back here.Things are rarely static on the internet and it's very possible that I will see a change in the prevalence of certain behaviors.There's certainly enough good here that it would be foolish of me to give it all up.


----------



## mergirl

Jon Blaze said:


> I picked the last two. Weird, I know.
> 
> For me, it's a combination of the first two that sort of go with what I would consider experience. It's just certain threads and things that I'm clueless about because my dating experience is not so great. I can look, but I no touchee.
> 
> Age in itself might also be a factor, but I consider it very minor for me.
> 
> five and six fall under my views period, and it's only certain people that don't agree, or make a habit of slandering me because they don't agree which is my only problem really. It's how you do it in my book.
> 
> Language? My grammar sucks at times, which weakens my yellow belt in debate.
> 
> These are just things that may or may not hinder me coming here. I don't feel out of place though. I get along with a lot of people here, and not always so much at other places.


oh yup! feel totally accepted cept for when i cant spell for shit! i got pulled up twice by the same person..and twice i had to explain "its not me, its my cerebral cortex!!" i have mild dyslexia so my spelling can be rough as a badgers bum at times...but i think if you are making a fair point, in general people dont seem to care about your grammer or spelling..
at lkeast think that does aye?

xmer


----------



## FaxMachine1234

I always lurk here no matter what, but yeah, I've been kinda feeling out of place partly from Age, as I seem to be younger than most everybody here (both physically and emotionally, to be honest) and for Political Views, namely several discussions in Hyde Park which simply left a bad taste in my mouth and which months of board mouthwash have been unable to...I'm taking this metaphor too far.

However, the sheer variety of people and topics at this place always convinces me that I'll find my "in" once again. So, no biggie.


----------



## SMA413

mergirl said:


> oh yup! feel totally accepted cept for when i cant spell for shit! i got pulled up twice by the same person..and twice i had to explain "its not me, its my cerebral cortex!!" i have mild dyslexia so my spelling can be rough as a badgers bum at times...but i think if you are making a fair point, in general people dont seem to care about your grammer or spelling..
> at lkeast think that does aye?
> 
> xmer



It's grammar... not grammer.   j/k


----------



## mergirl

SMA413 said:


> It's grammar... not grammer.   j/k


thank you gramma! lmao

xmer


----------



## Suze

mergirl said:


> thank you gramma! lmao
> 
> xmer



this is totally OT but i went to your myspace and listened to some of your music. it's great! i want a cd! 



my grammer sucks too btw ( not saying that yours sucks..but yeah ok..shut it susie)


----------



## Red

susieQ said:


> this is totally OT but i went to your myspace and listened to some of your music. it's great! i want a cd!
> 
> 
> 
> my grammer sucks too btw ( not saying that yours sucks..but yeah ok..shut it susie)



Doesn't it, I thought the same!!! Oi, Mergirlie, your music rocks!

*End of thread abduction*


----------



## FreneticFang

Mine is mostly body type.

Guys like slender women. So, I get to Dims. Now you want me magically at 300 lbs.

Apparently, anything chubby/curvy or in between these just isn't an attention grabber. Which brings me back to dieting and makes me one sad panda.


----------



## KendraLee

FreneticFang said:


> Mine is mostly body type.
> 
> Guys like slender women. So, I get to Dims. Now you want me magically at 300 lbs.
> 
> Apparently, anything chubby/curvy or in between these just isn't an attention grabber. Which brings me back to dieting and makes me one sad panda.



I think this is a wierd quirk too. I'm 275, definately too big for most men and the last guy I dated said I was too THIN and wanted me bigger. Even someone on the boards said I wasnt that big. So I'm stuck in this in between world. Personally I loved when I was 245


----------



## Tori DeLuca

I,too, feel out of place even though I have been here in one shape or form for over a decade. I feel like my posts are ignored most of the time because of my profession. Almost as if because I pose nude on the internet makes me ineligible to enjoy big beautiful growing bellies on men AND women. It is ALWAYS assumed whatever I do is a marketing ploy of some type when in fact, it isn't.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar

FreneticFang said:


> Mine is mostly body type.
> 
> Guys like slender women. So, I get to Dims. Now you want me magically at 300 lbs.
> 
> Apparently, anything chubby/curvy or in between these just isn't an attention grabber. Which brings me back to dieting and makes me one sad panda.


Well, Dims is the only place I've ever seen thinner girls of any persuasion actively and emphatically interested in BHMs. I just don't see it in my day-to-day, unless it's a guy who was once thin but became fat, and his health-conscious wife stuck by him because she loves the big lug. During my dating years, FFAs were as rare as chicken lips.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Tori DeLuca said:


> I,too, feel out of place even though I have been here in one shape or form for over a decade. I feel like my posts are ignored most of the time because of my profession. Almost as if because I pose nude on the internet makes me ineligible to enjoy big beautiful growing bellies on men AND women. It is ALWAYS assumed whatever I do is a marketing ploy of some type when in fact, it isn't.



.. you pose naked on the internet?! Must see! That is truly unfortunate if that is the case, though. Some of my favorite posters here are web models and what not. I actually wish more would get involved in the "community" I guess. Really, though. Knowing some one has an awesome personality along with her being a BBW and all, just enhances them all the more for me. As I said though, that sucks if you feel that is the case. 

Getting to know the person behind all the pictures is great and should be encouraged!


----------



## LillyBBBW

Tori DeLuca said:


> I,too, feel out of place even though I have been here in one shape or form for over a decade. I feel like my posts are ignored most of the time because of my profession. Almost as if because I pose nude on the internet makes me ineligible to enjoy big beautiful growing bellies on men AND women. It is ALWAYS assumed whatever I do is a marketing ploy of some type when in fact, it isn't.



I've never thought that about any of your posts Tori. I'm not certain anyone can gather that, I really enjoy the things you have to say. No one says much in response to mine either. If I post an opinion it usually goes by without notice but if I ask a question, say something snarky or engage someone directly it's how I get a groove going. Just a general suggestion to anyone who finds that their posts go by without comment: It's not enough just to be brillaint and level minded, you've got to take an interest in others here and engage them in dialogue. 

*Example A:* Great post! Yes, I love peanut butter and jelly too. I sometimes add sliced bananas. -- No
*Example B:* Oooo yes! A fellow peanut butter and jelly lover! Do you prefer yours on white or wheat? I prefer the crunchy peanut butter. --Yes!

Pick somebody and talk to them. Pick Tina, she's easy. Just don't tell her you heard it from me.


----------



## prickly

.......i fucking hate peanut butter.

there. dialogue.


----------



## LillyBBBW

prickly said:


> .......i fucking hate peanut butter.
> 
> there. dialogue.



Who gives a shit? Anybody? Beuller? Beuller?


----------



## Renaissance Woman

prickly said:


> .......i fucking hate peanut butter.
> 
> there. dialogue.


That whooshing sound was the point going over your head.


----------



## Renaissance Woman

Tori DeLuca said:


> I,too, feel out of place even though I have been here in one shape or form for over a decade. I feel like my posts are ignored most of the time because of my profession. Almost as if because I pose nude on the internet makes me ineligible to enjoy big beautiful growing bellies on men AND women. It is ALWAYS assumed whatever I do is a marketing ploy of some type when in fact, it isn't.


Tori, looking at your recent posts, most of them are on the paysite board. Makes sense--you're promoting your business. But I haven't seen a whole lot of engaging back-and-forth conversations there. 

Lilly had an excellent point (as she usually does). You've got to get a conversation going, and it's harder to do that on the paysite board than on the other ones around here. Try posting in the lounge or Hyde Park if you're feeling adventurous. I think you'll have more chance of interaction.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Renaissance Woman said:


> That whooshing sound was the point going over your head.



Don't mind prickly. I hired him to toss peanuts at my posts sometimes when he's got the whim. He only bites when you try to pet him.


----------



## Tad

FreneticFang said:


> Mine is mostly body type.
> 
> Guys like slender women. So, I get to Dims. Now you want me magically at 300 lbs.
> 
> Apparently, anything chubby/curvy or in between these just isn't an attention grabber. Which brings me back to dieting and makes me one sad panda.





KendraLee said:


> I think this is a wierd quirk too. I'm 275, definately too big for most men and the last guy I dated said I was too THIN and wanted me bigger. Even someone on the boards said I wasnt that big. So I'm stuck in this in between world. Personally I loved when I was 245



I'm not arguing that this makes you feel out of place, I'm sure it does. I just to say, I'm positive that there are plenty of guys attracted to somewhere between thin and super-sized. But I think the odds of a guy finding Dimensions, not being attached (or quickly becoming attached once arriving at Dimensions), and being vocal about what sort of bodies he likes goes up quite a bit if he has rather adamant, specific, and less common preferences.

In other words, the guys who "Yah, I like women who are at least curvy, right through really big, so long as they like their bodies and have a positive attitude towards being bigger" are not nearly as apt to go around asking what size women on Dimensions are, or telling them what size they should be. Doesn't mean that they aren't around.


----------



## Tori DeLuca

Trust me, this is not some recent realization I have had. As I mentioned I have literally been around Dimensions for about a decade and have gotten horrible responses from (mostly) women ( in private no less) telling me to 'peddle my wares' somewhere else. It started way back before I even HAD a pay site but when I was one of the first Dimensions model Wannabe contestants (yes I just aged myself) I constantly was subjected to nasty remarks over the years but my love for Dim wins out every time and I keep coming back.
I love contributing and having a good ol' time but my time is very limited. Especially recently, as I just had my 5th (and last) child, Ive been running around like a chicken with my head cut off running my business and household.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Tori DeLuca said:


> Trust me, this is not some recent realization I have had. As I mentioned I have literally been around Dimensions for about a decade and have gotten horrible responses from (mostly) women ( in private no less) telling me to 'peddle my wares' somewhere else. It started way back before I even HAD a pay site but when I was one of the first Dimensions model Wannabe contestants (yes I just aged myself) I constantly was subjected to nasty remarks over the years but my love for Dim wins out every time and I keep coming back.
> I love contributing and having a good ol' time but my time is very limited. Especially recently, as I just had my 5th (and last) child, Ive been running around like a chicken with my head cut off running my business and household.



Ooooh yes, I remember those days. I personally haven't witnessed any of that here of late but what goes on in PM's I wouldn't know anything about. Also having an active life outside of this board migh prevent you from participating at the scope that us Dim junkies can do. The gist of it is that it's hard to feel plugged in when you're not as plugged in as others. I'm still surprised to hear that people have been giving you a hard time.


----------



## Tori DeLuca

LillyBBBW said:


> I'm still surprised to hear that people have been giving you a hard time.



Trust me, as am I


----------



## JayInBuff

LillyBBBW said:


> If I post an opinion it usually goes by without notice but if I ask a question, say something snarky or engage someone directly it's how I get a groove going. Just a general suggestion to anyone who finds that their posts go by without comment: It's not enough just to be brillaint and level minded, you've got to take an interest in others here and engage them in dialogue.



I agree. Also use the quote feature. If you respond to something that someone has posted and you quote them, they are much more likely to respond back. I also think that there are so many threads and posts within each of them that it is almost impossible to read through and respond to them. I would say that maybe 50% of what I post gets responded to. I don't take it personally. If you really want to test it, go to The Obvious/Oblivious Thread. If no one responds to your post, then there is a problem.


----------



## KendraLee

Tori DeLuca said:


> Trust me, this is not some recent realization I have had. As I mentioned I have literally been around Dimensions for about a decade and have gotten horrible responses from (mostly) women ( in private no less) telling me to 'peddle my wares' somewhere else. It started way back before I even HAD a pay site but when I was one of the first Dimensions model Wannabe contestants (yes I just aged myself) I constantly was subjected to nasty remarks over the years but my love for Dim wins out every time and I keep coming back.
> I love contributing and having a good ol' time but my time is very limited. Especially recently, as I just had my 5th (and last) child, Ive been running around like a chicken with my head cut off running my business and household.



Hi Tori, I'm pretty new so I don't know who the web models are or aren't, but once I become familiar with more and more people I can honestly tell you that the fact that you pose nude won't make a bit of difference in how i treat you. We all know women can be catty and no matter what any of us do for a living their is always going to be something negative we have to deal with. And Good luck with those five kids. Sounds like you have your hands full.


----------



## mergirl

Red said:


> Doesn't it, I thought the same!!! Oi, Mergirlie, your music rocks!
> 
> *End of thread abduction*


thank you kindly marm..

xmer


----------



## mergirl

susieQ said:


> this is totally OT but i went to your myspace and listened to some of your music. it's great! i want a cd!
> 
> 
> 
> my grammer sucks too btw ( not saying that yours sucks..but yeah ok..shut it susie)


Thank you.. erm you can buy CD's from my old band "gods boyfriend" There are a few.. i even found one on ebay going for about 50 pence! lmao (which is a rip off).. its very different to the stuff i do now though.. i want to release something soon though, when i get around to it..

xxmer (whats this post about again? lmao)


----------



## LillyBBBW

Tori DeLuca said:


> Trust me, as am I



First of all, before I even go on, I would just like to say that I think it is uncalled for for anyone to harass you here on this board. If you're getting hate mail from people for no reason other than who you are I would strongly suggest you report them. I know most people don't want to be bothered or let the nasty people get under you but for the sake of the rest of us please consider reporting annoying people to the Moderators. 

Also I want to point out that there are plenty of other paysite models who post here seemingly without issues. HottiMegan, Chocolate Desire, GoddessPatty, Sasha, Largenlovely, AnnMarie, Aurora, Bexy just to name a few. Me too for that matter and I dont think we face too much harassment. The main reason is because we participate regularly on the boards by actively engaging other people in discussion on a personal level. We're familiar.

I'm not saying it's right, I'm just thinking that having a life outside of the board would naturally make anyone feel more like an outsider when they return after so much has happend here in their absence -- and they would be treated that way too. Someone who disagrees with a point you made might send a nasty note simpley because they're bitter that you've struck a nerve, and I'm not tossing that out to water down what you've said or give dignity to what they do. Just musing about a possible scenario.

I don't think this means you shouldn't participate here whenever you feel the need to share, add or disagree with something though. You've pretty much got it figured out already to ignore the naysayers. Just know that hardly anyone else is thinking this way. The majority here value substantive input from anyone even if we all don't jump in to yell, "I agree." And if someone gives you a hard time they've no right to do that. You should report them. Please do.


----------



## AnnMarie

LillyBBBW said:


> I know most people don't want to be bothered or let the nasty people get under you but for the sake of the rest of us please consider reporting annoying people to the Moderators.
> 
> .....*snipped* And if someone gives you a hard time they've no right to do that. You should report them. Please do.



Yes.... do. 

Harassment of any type, via PM is not permitted here. And no one on these boards has any more right to be here than anyone else, nor the right to make anyone feel as such. 

As Lilly mentioned, it's a bit of a double edged sword... when you're busy with life and you swoop in with an occasional post, you maybe be wrongly accused, and when you post frequently as so many she listed do... then people start to get the idea you're here for a reason that extends beyond pictures. 

People don't know your history here, Tori, and they don't need to... frankly. They should accept that you're here for whatever reason you want, for reasons Conrad has provided in different ways, and if you want to post and you're doing so within our rules (just as everyone else is expected) then you have every right to join in just like everyone else.

By the way, congrats on the little one! You've got your hands full woman!


----------



## Mathias

Not sure if this is off-topic at all, but if anything, I feel more in place here now than when I did when I first joined.


----------



## lostjacket

Thus far everyone has been really really cool. This has been my experience at least. Maybe I hold myself to a different set of criteria to feel comfortable though? And I've only been here a week posting...


----------



## Santaclear

How uncomfortable are you really? Take this simple test at Uncomfortable.com to find out!

http://www.uncomfortable.com


----------



## stan_der_man

Santaclear said:


> How uncomfortable are you really? Take this simple test at Uncomfortable.com to find out!
> ...



For those of us who feel we are "On the Outside Looking in"...


There's probably an Oingo Boingo song for each and every one of us.


----------



## Shosh

Tori DeLuca said:


> Trust me, this is not some recent realization I have had. As I mentioned I have literally been around Dimensions for about a decade and have gotten horrible responses from (mostly) women ( in private no less) telling me to 'peddle my wares' somewhere else. It started way back before I even HAD a pay site but when I was one of the first Dimensions model Wannabe contestants (yes I just aged myself) I constantly was subjected to nasty remarks over the years but my love for Dim wins out every time and I keep coming back.
> I love contributing and having a good ol' time but my time is very limited. Especially recently, as I just had my 5th (and last) child, Ive been running around like a chicken with my head cut off running my business and household.



Congratulations on the birth of your baby.


----------



## Amatrix

i did feel slightly outa place when i first started posting, and i am still considered "new"

but i started talking to people and stuff.

just because people dont like me, or who i am with, or whatever i say doesnt stop much.
^ those are rare and few.

so sometimes you have to kinda take hold of it and just jump in. 

some of the people here are super welcoming, and others... well you have to take a step. and thats awesome.


----------



## KHayes666

I felt out of place for years, then I started feeling like I belonged here.....now I feel out of place again, and NOT from age.


----------



## Tori DeLuca

I just wanted to take a second to thank you Lilly, AM and Sussanah. It hasn't happened in quite some time but sometimes those things stick with you ya know?
Takes much more than the occasional nasty note to get me down though LOL Its just weird sometimes for me. I cant tell you how many times I have heard ( here and on other places) 
"Oh you have a web site? Are you just talking to me to promote your site?" or some variation thereof. I always brush it off but since the poll was here and it was asked, I said my peace  Sometimes people don't take into account that adult models have feelings too. Thank Goodness it hasn't happened as of late.


----------



## JayInBuff

Santaclear said:


> How uncomfortable are you really? Take this simple test at Uncomfortable.com to find out!
> 
> http://www.uncomfortable.com



That test was hard. After question #152 I just started guessing. Anyway, I finally got my results and it said the reason I feel out of place was "other", so it didn't really help.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Tori DeLuca said:


> I just wanted to take a second to thank you Lilly, AM and Sussanah. It hasn't happened in quite some time but sometimes those things stick with you ya know?
> Takes much more than the occasional nasty note to get me down though LOL Its just weird sometimes for me. I cant tell you how many times I have heard ( here and on other places)
> "Oh you have a web site? Are you just talking to me to promote your site?" or some variation thereof. I always brush it off but since the poll was here and it was asked, I said my peace  Sometimes people don't take into account that adult models have feelings too. Thank Goodness it hasn't happened as of late.



I can imagine Tori. I went through something like that on a similar site and it was a Moderator. They can't attack your ideas so they'll attack you personally, it's a familiar schtick. Pointing my ass at a camera lense doesn't make the things I say any more or less true. lol I don't even have any links or verbal indication that I belong to a site at all. I thanked her for the free yet unnecessary advertisement and told her the story about the ass and the camera lense. I muttered some other congenial rubbish and we've done well to avoid each other on that site as much as possible. You cant win them all.


----------



## liz (di-va)

I feel out of place here occasionally for the same reasons as everybody else I think--feeling left out in general or ignored or too big or too small--reasons which tend to come and go, cycle in and out, and may or may not fit with reality. Just kinda...life.

The most consistent, real (more or less, you know) reason I'm not sure where I fit here is age. That means: 1) Being my age and single 1a) Being my age and being a dorky immature spaz as well as a more mature person that I was even five years ago 2) Being my age and Dimensions being a much more photo-driven place than it was when I joined 3) Being my age and fat-acceptance (I think) not really being sure what it's all supposed to look like right now, esp for those who've been in it for a while. Not that I got it all figured out, but...you know...what is this, Mach 2. 3. 4? Second wave? Third wave? I dunno.

I have tended to come/go at Dims over the years; one reason I came back in recent years was a need to recommit to accepting my body as it aged/changed and I dealt with some ill-health. It's been both good and bad for that. I mean...age trumps a lot of issues. I definitely have to look elsewhere to gain a better sense of community -- and normalcy! -- about the changes that are coming with that, even if aging + fat has its own concerns. That is...I'm not very old - 41 is not that old these days - but frankly this place doesn't always help me feel that (rather the opposite), since I don't feel collectively a lot of degrees of age here. Somehow it's like we're all 20-somethings or geezers, topically, nothing I find very helpful or true. 

(Some of this is just...GenX stuff . Many people I know are still dorky immature yet mature single kooks at my age, fat or thin. Have to find our own way through this....)

ETA: Partly what I'm saying? Being fat is - LITERALLY - a different experience at age 25 v. 40. Fat itself is different. Contents shift/squish/soften. The fat beauty ideal connected with youth is not...forever. Parts aren't forever-buyoant/ever-growing.


----------



## bexy

At the very beginning, I worried it was going to be too "cliquey" here.
Now I can say I believe I was very wrong. Its somewhere I have never felt out of place, to be honest I wouldnt see the point in sticking around for so long if I ever felt out of place here.


----------



## The Fez

bexylicious said:


> At the very beginning, I worried it was going to be too "cliquey" here.



that's where I'm at at the moment, but that's moreover just because I'm new to the forum; it goes away when your postcount hits triple figures I guess

also I feel considerably younger than most people I've seen posting on here


----------



## bexy

Freestyle Fez said:


> that's where I'm at at the moment, but that's moreover just because I'm new to the forum; it goes away when your postcount hits triple figures I guess
> 
> also I feel considerably younger than most people I've seen posting on here



hey fez, honestly youre not. there is a huge age range here. im 25 and know of tonnes more under 30s.

just get stuck in and never worry about cliques, i realised they were a figment of my imagination lol.

i think contributing to any forum is what you make of it. i have joined others in the past and lost interest after a few weeks. this one i liked, so stuck around and love it.

also youre from uk, cool beans! me too


----------



## missy_blue_eyez

When I was first introduced to Dims by a friend, I read some threads and stuff but to be honest in the end, I just jumped in.

Since I joined here around 7 months ago Its become my favourite place to be online. In the past 7 months I have made some amazing friends online and in real life, done things that I never ever thought Id do i.e attended a Big Girls Paradise Bash and even ventured to the states with people I met from here and had an amazing time.

I cant say thank you enough to the welcome Ive had from Dimensions and its community, I feel so welcome and am genuinely really happy with my Dims life and love how it has become very much a part of my real life  hehe

Thank you all

Love from Me <3 hehe


----------



## liz (di-va)

There are a bizillion ways in which I don't feel out of place here...I just figured we were lookin at it from the other angle in this thread. Also: many boards, esp. SS board, are specific helps/good resources in the whole aging thing, I just meant more in general...


----------



## Paquito

Well I'm sure we all feel to some degree that we're out of place here at Dimensions. I know I do. I've been here for a good 3/4 of a year and I still feel like I'm imposing on forums and ignored when I post a response. But I think we all get more comfortable and feel more in place the longer we're here. Just don't forget to jump in and post newbies, or you'll never be noticed. :bow:


----------



## UncannyBruceman

For my vote, I selected every single option there was EXCEPT for _I don't feel out of place here_, and the reason why I did it is because I think it's silly for someone to feel left out around here. This community was built for everyone who has a membership here, but for some reason, people walk in with insecurities so deep that if they're not feeling ostracized on account of their body size then they'll simply just pick something else and post with a chip on their shoulder.

I've been around here for about ten years now, and while Dimensions has grown to numbers that no one would have imagined possible, one thing has been constant: there have been people from all ages, ethnicities, sexual orientations, and other walks of life, participating here at all times. The problem I see in recent years is that some folk are viewing popular threads that don't really apply and they're lashing out because they're not getting the attention they seem to think was promised to them.

They're feeling neglected and denied because they're looking for attention in the wrong places. Whether you think you're too old, too fat or thin, for or against feederism, gay or straight, YOU ARE NOT ALONE when you walk in here. Someone just like you (yes, YOU) has already been here first, so there's no reason for anyone to feel left out.

Yet, the waaaaaambulance makes frequent stops around here, so keep on hating on each other and then ask yourselves why there's more discrimination within our own ranks instead of against us from the outside world. So for all of the crybabies who want to fling barbs and accusations at people like me because we deliver hard doses of reality, just be sure to remember that some of us have gotten just about everything we could have wanted from Dimensions because we looked in the right places. I walked into this place at 19, found others my age, found people into feederism, and a decade later, I'm more open and proud of being an FA than I ever imagined, I have great friends (of all ages), and I've got the woman who I've specifically had my eye on for over six years. And no, I'm not gloating, I'm trying to prove that Dimensions can give you everything you want if you look for it in the right places. But if you want to bitch and moan and tear banners down? Then have fun feeling left out.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

liz (di-va) said:


> There are a bizillion ways in which I don't feel out of place here...I just figured we were lookin at it from the other angle in this thread. Also: many boards, esp. SS board, are specific helps/good resources in the whole aging thing, I just meant more in general...



^....perfect example of someone who 'gets it'.


----------



## lostinadaydream

I think the main reason why I'm not here more often is that I don't feel safe in english very much. I can't express me the way I would do normally, I'm not sure in grammar and so on. There also is a lack of certain words or expressions I use much. 

I would love to talk some more words here... :blush:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

lostinadaydream said:


> I think the main reason why I'm not here more often is that I don't feel safe in english very much. I can't express me the way I would do normally, I'm not sure in grammar and so on. There also is a lack of certain words or expressions I use much.
> 
> I would love to talk some more words here... :blush:



Give it a whirl- I wouldn't mind seeing you try


----------



## saucywench

lostinadaydream said:


> ...I don't feel safe in english very much.


Nor do a lot of native English speakers, but that doesn't stop them from posting. 


lostinadaydream said:


> I would love to talk some more words here... :blush:


One of my favorite posters of a while back was Victor, I can't recall where he was from, but I found his efforts with the English language quite charming. From what I have seen by your post, you do well enough. Look at it this way: you are far more skilled in English than most of us (including me, a monolinguist) would be in German. And Dimensions might well be a good venue for you to 'bone up' on the English language. 

I would hope that no one would be so crass as to poke fun at your efforts to communicate; in fact, I'm sure many would be glad to help when you struggle to find an appropriate phrase. Who knows? We just might learn a few things from you, as well. Any attempts at learning something new should be _en_couraged rather than _dis_couraged.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

After posting in several threads today, and reading many, many, MANY posts, a few of them involving me, I remember why I feel out of place. Comments that are NOT "good natured fun" are thrown around here entirely too easily. They're rude. Plain and simple. I can't be rude, and I can't tolerate rudeness. I backed off a few months ago because of them, and in the past couple of weeks, I tried to get more involved. I think I'll go back to distantly observing. Clearly, I don't fit in around here.


----------



## Allie Cat

Violet_Beauregard said:


> After posting in several threads today, and reading many, many, MANY posts, a few of them involving me, I remember why I feel out of place. Comments that are NOT "good natured fun" are thrown around here entirely too easily. They're rude. Plain and simple. I can't be rude, and I can't tolerate rudeness. I backed off a few months ago because of them, and in the past couple of weeks, I tried to get more involved. I think I'll go back to distantly observing. Clearly, I don't fit in around here.



Hey... please don't, not everyone here is horrid. I'd go so far as to say most people aren't, don't let a few bad eggs spoil the... you know what I suck at metaphors, but please don't disappear.


----------



## Jack Skellington

Violet_Beauregard said:


> I think I'll go back to distantly observing. Clearly, I don't fit in around here.



I'd be sorry to see you go. The world needs balance. Your lack of rudeness helps balance out my spite.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

Jack Skellington said:


> I'd be sorry to see you go. The world needs balance. Your lack of rudeness helps balance out my spite.



Nothing can help balance out your spite.

And Violet, I understand how you feel, but there is a need for less combative folks around here too. So, I hope you stay.


----------



## imfree

Jack Skellington said:


> I'd be sorry to see you go. The world needs balance. Your lack of rudeness helps balance out my spite.



Jack Skellington is right, Violet. Your presence is
a welcome relief from the overall snarkieness in
DimmerLand, you really do add balance to the
forums.


----------



## Mathias

Violet_Beauregard said:


> After posting in several threads today, and reading many, many, MANY posts, a few of them involving me, I remember why I feel out of place. Comments that are NOT "good natured fun" are thrown around here entirely too easily. They're rude. Plain and simple. I can't be rude, and I can't tolerate rudeness. I backed off a few months ago because of them, and in the past couple of weeks, I tried to get more involved. I think I'll go back to distantly observing. Clearly, I don't fit in around here.



Please don't let what some people say get to you. I hope you'll stay here.


----------



## olwen

Violet, you belong here. Don't let people who don't always agree with you stop you from voicing your opinions.


----------



## olwen

I voted for I don't feel out of place here cause I don't. If anything I feel welcomed. I've met so many cool people both online and in person. How awesome is that.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

You're quite right, not everyone is horrid... but those few bad eggs.... they're getting really old.



Divals said:


> Hey... please don't, not everyone here is horrid. I'd go so far as to say most people aren't, don't let a few bad eggs spoil the... you know what I suck at metaphors, but please don't disappear.





Thanks Jack... and your spite isn't so bad. 



Jack Skellington said:


> I'd be sorry to see you go. The world needs balance. Your lack of rudeness helps balance out my spite.





It's going to take a whole lot more "less combative" people to fix things around here. 



Dr. P Marshall said:


> Nothing can help balance out your spite.
> 
> And Violet, I understand how you feel, but there is a need for less combative folks around here too. So, I hope you stay.





Edgar this place needs much more than me to balance out the snarkiness. 



imfree said:


> Jack Skellington is right, Violet. Your presence is
> a welcome relief from the overall snarkieness in
> DimmerLand, you really do add balance to the
> forums.





It's really not a matter of them getting to me, it's a matter of common decency. 



MattS19 said:


> Please don't let what some people say get to you. I hope you'll stay here.





It has nothing to do with them not agreeing with me. I have no problem with that. Everyone is certainly entitled to their opinion... it's the manner in which they choose to voice it. Rudeness isn't acceptible, as far as I'm concerned, and there's entirely too much of it around here. 



olwen said:


> Violet, you belong here. Don't let people who don't always agree with you stop you from voicing your opinions.






Thanks very much to all of you. I have no intention of leaving. I'll still be here. I'm not allowing anyone to "run me off". I've got just as much right to be here as anyone else. That right also includes not putting up with rude comments, disguised as humor. 

I'm just going to be very, very choosey about when and where I post.


----------



## William

Hi Violet

I hope that you know that I always find your posts to be comforting and lifting here on Dimensions.

William




Violet_Beauregard said:


> After posting in several threads today, and reading many, many, MANY posts, a few of them involving me, I remember why I feel out of place. Comments that are NOT "good natured fun" are thrown around here entirely too easily. They're rude. Plain and simple. I can't be rude, and I can't tolerate rudeness. I backed off a few months ago because of them, and in the past couple of weeks, I tried to get more involved. I think I'll go back to distantly observing. Clearly, I don't fit in around here.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Vi, I hope you don't leave. I have always enjoyed your contributions and thought of you as a very nice lady. 
I can understand if you get sick of some things and just comments that intend to be mean. Have you used the ignore feature that is here? Maybe you could just put some people on ignore (which means you cannot see their posts anymore) to see if that helps how you feel? If the comments bother you that much and if you think they are always from the same people, why do you even need to read them? 
I am thinking of using that for some myself- doing this actually works out quite well for me in the yahoo game lounges. If you don't know how, then please PM me- I will be happy to help if you want to consider this option?


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

Thank you GEF. No, I'm not leaving. I hadn't thought of the ignore feature, but it's a great idea and I'll definitely consider it. Thanks for that suggestion.

I appreciate the concern. I am not leaving. I'll just be choosier about when and where I post, and perhaps about the threads that I visit.

 Thanks again!!




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Vi, I hope you don't leave. I have always enjoyed your contributions and thought of you as a very nice lady.
> I can understand if you get sick of some things and just comments that intend to be mean. Have you used the ignore feature that is here? Maybe you could just put some people on ignore (which means you cannot see their posts anymore) to see if that helps how you feel? If the comments bother you that much and if you think they are always from the same people, why do you even need to read them?
> I am thinking of using that for some myself- doing this actually works out quite well for me in the yahoo game lounges. If you don't know how, then please PM me- I will be happy to help if you want to consider this option?


----------



## Ruffie

Like I have said many times over the years regardng chat and the boards the only way to combat the snarkiness and negatvity is to be here. By being here and being polite and eloquent you are mirroring the behavoir you want to see. THere are several people over the years who find it necessary to make a snarky comment and attack others over the slightest thing that they don't agree with. THey choose to do that rather than have a civil debate because of their own issues that THEY haven't dealt with and put their stuff on others. Addressng it is important ONLY if its mportant to you. I say this because to try and get them to act with decorum and grace when they are so vehimently pursuing the subject at hand n the other direction is like shoveling snow in a blzzard. 
However being here and being willing to debate fairly, discuss things with an eye to a solution and suporrt others makes Dimensions more of what many of us have said we desire and have gained over the years- a community. A community to be who we are, find others with like interests, learn new things, make new friends and enjoy different points of view. We can and should appeal to those making negativity their MO to stop, however we should not hold our breath waiting for THAT to happen!
Ruth


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

Thanks Ruth, and you are 100% correct - lead by example. That's something I managed to forget, and I'm glad you reminded me of that! I happen to really like it here a lot, and I did take GEF's advice and have implemented the "ignore" feature for a few select people. Hopefully THAT will help. 

I realize that everyone has different opinions, and they're all entitled to it, but it's how they voice it sometimes, that I have the complaint about.

Thanks again Ruth!


----------



## Miss Vickie

Violet, I hope you don't leave -- you contribute a lot to Dimensions and I always enjoy and appreciate your posts. And yes, the ignore feature is fabulous. Now if only I could avoid threads that are certain to raise my blood pressure.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard

Thanks Vickie...  I appreciate it very much. I have no intention of leaving. Never did. As I've said, I'll just be choosier about when and where I post. And I too, will be avoiding threads that irk me. Sometimes they're like a car accident though, you can't help but look. 

Thanks again, so much! 




Miss Vickie said:


> Violet, I hope you don't leave -- you contribute a lot to Dimensions and I always enjoy and appreciate your posts. And yes, the ignore feature is fabulous. Now if only I could avoid threads that are certain to raise my blood pressure.


----------



## Suze

lostinadaydream said:


> I think the main reason why I'm not here more often is that I don't feel safe in english very much. I can't express me the way I would do normally, I'm not sure in grammar and so on. There also is a lack of certain words or expressions I use much.
> 
> I would love to talk some more words here... :blush:



i know how you feel, but this doesen't stop me!


----------



## moore2me

lostinadaydream said:


> I think the main reason why I'm not here more often is that I don't feel safe in english very much. I can't express me the way I would do normally, I'm not sure in grammar and so on. There also is a lack of certain words or expressions I use much.
> 
> I would love to talk some more words here... :blush:



Dear Lostinadaydream, 

I would much rather read what you have written than some of the "raunchy" or "filthy" posts flying around the internet. I do not speak another language, having very nearly failed French in high school. But, I have tutored kids in reading and writing and I really enjoy stuff like that. And the partners here at DIMS will be more than happy to share some expressions with you (if you'll do the same with us).

English expression for the day #1 - I am fed up with his foolishness. 
Meaning - Fed up , I heard and put up with his joking all day long & I'm not going to take it anymore.)


----------



## lostinadaydream

Thank you all, sadly I just remembered today on this old post from me. :doh:

I think I will give it a try sometimes, even if I wonder how to express it the way I want.


----------



## weetabix

Free Thinker,

I think I have been on Dimensions since about 1996. I have been on the Internet since 1992 and before that Compuserv. I think the most challenging thing about Dimensions for me is the difference in political views between an American Woman and a British Man. Talk about Men are From Mars! Women have a cirtain sort of political correctness which tends to be extreme when they are American.

I once thought of myself as a rapest after a long online conversation with an American BBW woman. It seemed that if I woowed my wife and got her in the mood for sex when really she was not naturally in the mood then I was actually raping her. I took all this to heart and was most upset with myself for a while.

I have got my head around this now and feel that many people must be going through the most torturous feminist mind games if they actually think like this. It allows women to mentally castrate men. A mans most normal and natural male desires mean that he is a rapest for what he is thinking.

BBW suffer a huge amount of negative predudice about their weight and apperance. This has made them defensive and it comes out in a rather nasty way. When some one has had to battle to get into a respectable position that can make them an unpleasent person. This especially applies to women, Margret Thatcher was pretty horrible, more so Condolisa Rice because she is both black and a woman in America where it's even harder. By this reconing she is probably the most vile person on earth.

So to the BBW, some of us actually like you but we hate it when you are horrible just because people have been horrible to you.


----------



## thatgirl08

I just feel a bit out of place here because everyone already knows each other and is rather cliquey, especially those who are friends in real life. I'm hoping to eventually become a part of that, but a bit unsure how to go about it.


----------



## g-squared

thatgirl08 said:


> I just feel a bit out of place here because everyone already knows each other and is rather cliquey, especially those who are friends in real life. I'm hoping to eventually become a part of that, but a bit unsure how to go about it.



i feel pretty similarly. I suppose that just something to work on.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

well, don't be all cliquey when ya both get there.  I mean, I don't think I am, but I also don't know if I'd really be considered .. er, you know, well, I've not met that many people here in real life either. I know what you mean though. Lots of inside jokes and stuff, but I guess that is to be expected when you befriend people in any kind of situation really .. online, real life .. it happens, but regardless of who I am friends with, I shall never forget my n00b roots.


----------



## LillyBBBW

thatgirl08 said:


> I just feel a bit out of place here because everyone already knows each other and is rather cliquey, especially those who are friends in real life. I'm hoping to eventually become a part of that, but a bit unsure how to go about it.



I don't think I was EVER a noob, I'm so dept and instigating myself into other people's business. So far I've only been told to fuck off once and it was somebody I already knew. Once you get used to us all we really will feel like relatives who refuse to leave.


----------



## ThatFatGirl

thatgirl08 said:


> I just feel a bit out of place here because everyone already knows each other and is rather cliquey, especially those who are friends in real life. I'm hoping to eventually become a part of that, but a bit unsure how to go about it.




I've been here years and still feel that way sometimes, but when I step back and look at things I realize I'm getting what I'm giving, you know? If you want to get more involved with the people here, take the step to get to know them. Visit the chatroom, respond to posts you like, give rep points or send private messages.. I know it all sounds simplistic, but these are steps towards getting to know people. Definitely attend the upcoming HB events or the NJ bash if you can and I promise you are bound to meet some very fun, friendly, welcoming people.


----------



## thatgirl08

Thanks for all the replies guys. I truly am trying to do what ThatFatGirl said..just trying to post more and talk to more people. I definitely have met some cool people here already. :]


----------



## leighcy

I've never really felt comfortable here, to be honest. This is why I tend to leave for long periods of time and then come back for a bit. It just seems that those who aren't with the "in crowd" are ignored. I've seen it all over this board.


----------



## Shosh

leighcy said:


> I've never really felt comfortable here, to be honest. This is why I tend to leave for long periods of time and then come back for a bit. It just seems that those who aren't with the "in crowd" are ignored. I've seen it all over this board.



It is only what you make of it. If you put in consistantly you get back. Like the real world people are going to gravitate towards certain people. I am sure that I am not everybody's taste, but I am ok with that.


----------



## Valickai

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Well, youngsters, it isn't going to happen with me. If I can't have an adult conversation with you, and if I have to explain to you who the Banana Splitz and the Monkees were.... then we aren't going to be "hooking up" in the near future.



Who are the Banana Splitz? :happy: Just kidding!

Anyways, one of the reasons I feel kind of left out in Dimensions is because I am younger than most of the posters here. I'm 18 and it seems like, as far as I can tell, the rest of the user base here is at least in their 30's, so I feel sometimes just like a little kids sitting through the adult conversations.

The other reason is that, while I suppose this might be the focus of this particular group, I don't want to be very fat, but rather just gain some weight in the belly region, and it seems that most FFA are into the larger user base that enjoys the softer and more spread out version, so in that I kinda feel left out.

But I do enjoy you guys a lot! This is also the only website where larger men can be admired by women (rather than men!)


----------



## Bountiful1966

free2beme04 said:


> I still feel like I'm imposing on forums and ignored when I post a response. . :bow:



i still feel like this, like i am imposing.


----------



## Bountiful1966

Susannah said:


> It is only what you make of it. If you put in consistantly you get back. Like the real world people are going to gravitate towards certain people. I am sure that I am not everybody's taste, but I am ok with that.



that unfortunately thats not always true. i have tried to reach out to meet friends and i get the assumption that i am trying to "hook up" or "trying to worm my way into the cliques" I am just trying to meet new friends. I get ingnored alot with just nice friendly msgs i send to people.


----------



## That1BigGirl

I've not felt out of place here-

But as soon as I found DIMS and before I joined, and even for the first 24-48 hours after my first post- I READ... I mean I went through and read thread after thread in every part of the forum. 

Then, I just jumped in. I figured that if I didn't put myself out there in DIMS land, no one would know I was here. I started mostly in the lounge, posting in the fun threads, while still getting comfy with posting in the more serious stuff. I am kind of intimidated by some of the posters who have thousands of posts- but I just chalk it up to me not being lucky enough to find DIMS as soon as they did (though I SWEAR I've at least visited DIMS a few years back).

I'm still learning things that just don't seem to be posted, or I missed them (like rep- I understand it, but the etiquette around it is something I'm still learning)... anyway, I think that as with any situation, it's what you put into it. If you don't put your voice out there to be heard, no one will know you are there. I'm a wallflower in my "real" social life, a spitfire in my business life and a loon online. Loon in my case being- I have fun and let it all out, I'm much more social and slightly more in your face- but I never say I'm someone - or something - I'm not.


----------



## Shosh

Bountiful1966 said:


> that unfortunately thats not always true. i have tried to reach out to meet friends and i get the assumption that i am trying to "hook up" or "trying to worm my way into the cliques" I am just trying to meet new friends. I get ingnored alot with just nice friendly msgs i send to people.



It is nice to make new friends. Sometimes the deal with private messages is that people may read them then mean to respond but forget.
If people are deliberately not responding with at least a friendly short acknowledgement then what does that tell you about their manners? Do you really want to speak to that person anyway?
The only time I would not respond to a PM sent to me is if the message was creepy or something etc. That really has not happened as far as I can recall.
If people did not respond to a PM like that I understand that completely.


----------



## BeaBea

Bountiful1966 said:


> I get ingnored alot with just nice friendly msgs i send to people.



Hi, 

I have to admit that I'm terrible at returning PMs. 

If I happen to have a few mins spare when the pop-up first appears then I will respond, but if its something that needs a considered reply or I'm just heading out the door then I have to leave it which can mean I just forget to respond. I dont mean to, and I appreciate it must seem rude, but I genuinely dont mean any offence by it! I'm sure lots of us are the same, its nothing personal, just inefficiency!

Love Tracey xx


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## JerseyGirl07093

BeaBea said:


> Hi,
> 
> I have to admit that I'm terrible at returning PMs.
> 
> If I happen to have a few mins spare when the pop-up first appears then I will respond, but if its something that needs a considered reply or I'm just heading out the door then I have to leave it which can mean I just forget to respond. I dont mean to, and I appreciate it must seem rude, but I genuinely dont mean any offence by it! I'm sure lots of us are the same, its nothing personal, just inefficiency!
> 
> Love Tracey xx



I'm guilty of the same thing! If I don't answer a PM or e mail right away I wind up procrastinating so long I eventually never do it. I swear I'll answer it tomorrow or the next day, then I think it's been too long and it seems silly to answer it now and then I never wind up answering and feel bad about it.

Oh, and feeling out of place here? I'm not in the "IN" crowd either. Sometimes I wonder if anyone even knows I'm here. Other times I feel so loved and accepted because of things people have said to me. All I know is that Dimensions is like a second home to me. Here I can be with people who accept me and can understand what I go through living as a fat woman. I may not be the most popular one here, but I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.


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## kittymahlberg

"Out of place" is probably too strong a description for me, but I do feel that my place is primarily on the BHM/FFA board. I'm a scrawny FFA, so I can't contribute to most of the BBW discussions on the rest of Dimensions. I don't see it as a major issue, though. I'm just happy there's a place for us FFA's, and I still enjoy reading the other boards.

Oddly enough, I have found myself gaining slightly since joining Dimensions. I've been underweight for a long time and had health issues because of it. Now everything has cleared up. I can see the post now: "Health Benefits of Dimensions"! But I still don't think I'll ever be a BBW.


----------



## wrestlingguy

Bountiful1966 said:


> that unfortunately thats not always true. i have tried to reach out to meet friends and i get the assumption that i am trying to "hook up" or "trying to worm my way into the cliques" I am just trying to meet new friends. I get ingnored alot with just nice friendly msgs i send to people.



I'm wondering if you're just messaging the wrong people. I agree with Susannah, it's what you make it. People ignore me when I message them, I move on.............forget 'em.

Any forum is going to have its groups that tend to stick together. I post in a fantasy baseball league, and there are even cliques there. I look for the people that will be responsive, and they become my friends.


----------



## thatgirl08

Bountiful1966 said:


> that unfortunately thats not always true. i have tried to reach out to meet friends and i get the assumption that i am trying to "hook up" or "trying to worm my way into the cliques" I am just trying to meet new friends. I get ingnored alot with just nice friendly msgs i send to people.



I think this is bound to happen on a forum - people get busy and don't have time to come on, or read PMs but forget to respond or who knows what. I'm just trying to make the best experience out of this as I can. I've gotten some kicks and learned quite a bit from reading and responding on here. Becoming a member has definitely been worth it. Yeah, I'd really like to meet some cool people [and I definitely have!] and get more involved with things, and maybe that will happen as time goes on. But I've basically just decided to get what I can out of this right now, and just ignore the people who aren't very friendly or positive. 

For the record though, the more you post, the more people are going to get to know you. I lurked for a long time and of course no one knew who I was then - I only had a few posts. But now I've had people PM me or give me rep and tell me they've read quite a few of my posts or agree with such and such, etc. You've got to contribute to get something back out of it.

I've pretty much just decided to post whatever I truly think about things, and see how people respond to it. I'm trying to get involved with it, and not just post little one or two line responses. Tell a funny story, or respond to others posts or go into Hyde Park and debate about something. If you're saying something worth reading - people will take notice and respond because they realize you're taking the time to get involved.


----------



## Victim

I'm kinda late jumping into this thread. I don't really feel out of place, but my age (40) and relationship status (M) make it seem like it sometimes.


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## William

Hi 

From the results of this poll if you do not feel out of place at Dimensions......you should feel out of place on this thread 

What ever the results of the poll people keep coming back and that is the real answer.

William




Victim said:


> I'm kinda late jumping into this thread. I don't really feel out of place, but my age (40) and relationship status (M) make it seem like it sometimes.


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## KHayes666

I guess I should cut to the quick and say I'm out of place here because of my own actions.

To which I ask, since I can't change who I am....where do I go to find someone that will accept me?


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## alison.victoria

I've been in and out of the Dimensions chat community since I was 18 years old. The number one reason why I feel "out of place" here is that there is VERY little tolerance for those with conservative views. In chat, there are times when politics come up and it is beyond a civil discussion. It is many liberal people outright attacking the other side. It is extremely uncomfortable. It seems that most people cannot accept that someone else has different views and thinks less of that person because they don't agree with them.


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## The Orange Mage

Yeah, this place is really really left-wing, but in my experience most of the Internet leans that way as a whole.


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## T_Devil

Dimensions and I aren't what you would call _perfectly matched_. It's a big community though, and I haven't met everybody. For the most part it's been good for me. I don't cause as much trouble as I used to, but then I haven't been posting all that much lately either.


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## Allie Cat

Well... This is going to be a generalization, so if generalizations make you feel ucky you might want to just skip my post. That said, generally, conservatives tend to be rather unintelligent and either extremely set in their ways or purposefully ignorant about the world around them - this tends to make them less likely to get on the internet.

...though I'm not sure how 4chan and its ilk come into the mix. This may require more research.

My feelings toward conservatives have caused me much consternation in the past, and still do to an extent. One of the core tenets of liberalism is acceptance of those who are different than yourself, so shouldn't we accept conservatives? But then, conservatives tend to be about destruction or assimilation of those who are different than themselves, which goes against everything I believe in... It's almost enough to make me abandon politics entirely.

Bleh.


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## alison.victoria

Divals said:


> Well... This is going to be a generalization, so if generalizations make you feel ucky you might want to just skip my post. That said, generally, conservatives tend to be rather unintelligent and either extremely set in their ways or purposefully ignorant about the world around them - this tends to make them less likely to get on the internet.
> 
> ...though I'm not sure how 4chan and its ilk come into the mix. This may require more research.
> 
> My feelings toward conservatives have caused me much consternation in the past, and still do to an extent. One of the core tenets of liberalism is acceptance of those who are different than yourself, so shouldn't we accept conservatives? But then, conservatives tend to be about destruction or assimilation of those who are different than themselves, which goes against everything I believe in... It's almost enough to make me abandon politics entirely.
> 
> Bleh.



So why do politics have to be brought up in the room at all? I certainly do not try and push my views on anyone else, yet everyone is constantly going on about how all conservatives are all about destruction and big business, and that is NOT the case. It is a gross generalization, and a certain way to upset someone and make them very uncomfortable.


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## Allie Cat

alison.victoria said:


> So why do politics have to be brought up in the room at all? I certainly do not try and push my views on anyone else, yet everyone is constantly going on about how all conservatives are all about destruction and big business, and that is NOT the case. It is a gross generalization, and a certain way to upset someone and make them very uncomfortable.



I tend not to bring up politics. Though I tend not to go in chat any more either, I don't have the time between school and work.

One clarification though - It's not that all conservatives are about those things, it's that MOST conservative POLITICIANS are about them... or at least that's the face they put on.

Although.. nothing against you, but I take a bit of perverse pleasure in upsetting people who don't think I, or my family, deserve to exist. I don't mean to sound like I think you're like that, since I haven't talked to you before, but.. yeah. I know it's not constructive at all, but I'm a bastard like that.


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## thatgirl08

I have noticed that this site is very left wing as well. I'm actually quite the liberal myself, but I actually tend to be much more moderate or conservative on things that the majority of people here. In the few cases I have expressed something more conservative, I have gotten quite a few nasty responses. I just find it a little amusing considering I really am mostly a liberal. 

Politics are brought up in chat and on this forum because honestly..what isn't? I can't really think of much in life that hasn't been discussed here at some point. Your best bet is to try to keep things civil, and avoid getting in flaming wars with people over things. Maybe avoid Hyde Park or leave the chat if things are getting too uncomfortable. I highly doubt people are going to stop talking politics, especially with the presdential election and Olympics going on right now. Best to just ignore it if it bothers you a lot.


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## alison.victoria

thatgirl08 said:


> I have noticed that this site is very left wing as well. I'm actually quite the liberal myself, but I actually tend to be much more moderate or conservative on things that the majority of people here. In the few cases I have expressed something more conservative, I have gotten quite a few nasty responses. I just find it a little amusing considering I really am mostly a liberal.
> 
> Politics are brought up in chat and on this forum because honestly..what isn't? I can't really think of much in life that hasn't been discussed here at some point. Your best bet is to try to keep things civil, and avoid getting in flaming wars with people over things. Maybe avoid Hyde Park or leave the chat if things are getting too uncomfortable. I highly doubt people are going to stop talking politics, especially with the presdential election and Olympics going on right now. Best to just ignore it if it bothers you a lot.



I'm sure that the political talk isn't going to stop, but it's the fact that people spout nasty comments whenever you say anything remotely conservative. *shrugs* That's my main beef with it all. I was raised under the "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," mantra.


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## thatgirl08

alison.victoria said:


> I'm sure that the political talk isn't going to stop, but it's the fact that people spout nasty comments whenever you say anything remotely conservative. *shrugs* That's my main beef with it all. I was raised under the "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," mantra.



Yeah, I totally agree. I really wish we could discuss politics and other issues without people being so rude in general. Someone always seems determined to bring in personal insults against people. Like why can't we just discuss the issue without poking fun at one another? I don't know, I don't have much advice except just ignoring it and not letting it get to you. I know where you're coming from though.


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## davoid23

Ruffie said:


> From what alot of newbies have said to me(cause I will talk to anyone) is that they feel more unwelcome. THis is more in chat whre they come in say hello and then are basically ignored throughout the time they are there. I try to remnd them its cause alot of us know each other for a good many years and so talk freely wth each other and this too will come in time. But it won't if we don't make the effort. Perhaps when chatting or seeng a new person on the boards taking time to respond to them pas the initial hi would help folks feel more welcome and that ths place is less"cliquish" as I have heard flung around?



I actually voted "I don't feel out of place here" but that was when I used the forums and read stories / poems etc but when using chat, I was set upon! Like you said, there was maybe 5 people doing all the talking about unrelated things and nobody else really spoke, if you did it was either ignored or questioned.
I think there should maybe be a new room added. One for people who DO just chat amongst themselves OR one for newbies like me. ^.^


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## Ben from England

liz (di-va) said:


> I feel out of place here occasionally for the same reasons as everybody else I think--feeling left out in general or ignored or too big or too small--reasons which tend to come and go, cycle in and out, and may or may not fit with reality. Just kinda...life.



I love that this place exists, and that I was lucky enough to find it, and the impact it's had on my life has been pretty profound I think. I've met people I wouldn't have met and been places I wouldn't have been. Like 99% of things in life, any problems Ive got are most likely linked to my perception of things.

Dimensions doesn't make me feel out of place, I make me feel out of place. It's made me realise things about myself that I may not necessarily like. Cue the 'waaaambulance' (love that btw Bruce, stealing it). For one thing it has shown me that I'm still as hella insecure as ever. God, like the pictures thing. I try and avoid posting pictures, unless they are self-deprecating or jokey (which sometimes seems like such a lame self-defence mechanismy, faux modest thing to do), because a lot of time it feels like it's motivated by that 'Look at me! Tell me I'm attractive so I'll feel attractive' part of myself that I wish didn't exist. But it does, and when I see a guy getting tons of :wubu:, that little green monster starts prodding me in the side of the head saying 'that dude is so much better looking than you. They like him way more. I bet he's funnier. Smarter. He's probably better than you at tetris as well.... And I don't get it, cos not only do I understand the concept of beauty in the eye of the beholder and all that, but I go to clubs and shit all the time, have friends that I consider sickeningly good looking that get tons more attention, and that's cool, there's more to life, doesnt bother me, but suddenly, in this environment, it feels like I'm at school again or something. It's not all the time, just on those fugly days lol. Maybe it's because it's almost like a different reality, where my sense of self is different. I've got online self-esteem issues lol.

Id imagine this could far more be the case for women around here who see that some pic posts get 2,000 views and a million comments and theirs don't, that some paysite models are just more popular than others. It's so objectifying, and if youre susceptible, I think self confidence could become very entangled in comments and views. It's something that I was surprised and how much it bothered me, cos it's not the person I want or imagined myself to be (kind of like when you say or do something that contradicts your own image of yourself. Example. I pride myself on having guts or character or whatever. I've moan about my job. I go into a meeting with the uber boss. He asks me how things are. I say 'great, I love it here'. I think back and go 'man, I'm don't have character, I'm actually a giant pussy.'lol) and I'm dealing, but I'd love to know what people's philosophies are, and if they've had similar feelings. I feel like such a baby lol. 

I've never had a problem concerning politics or age or anything. Never felt cliqued out. I'm not an avid poster, but I read everything and comment when compelled. Not offended by people disagreeing with something I say. Love the lounge for quality time-wasting hijinks. Any bitchyness or scandal on the board has never escalated to the point where Ive thought this place was lame.


----------



## Ninja Glutton

I feel out of place with regards to my age in many instances. Oftentimes I feel like people are being very condescending in their responses to me.


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## alison.victoria

Ninja Glutton said:


> I feel out of place with regards to my age in many instances. Oftentimes I feel like people are being very condescending in their responses to me.



That's strange, because there are quite a few of us in our late teens, early 20s, and I have never had anyone be condescending towards me, and I haven't ever really seen anyone be condescending towards someone who, well, didn't deserve it.


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## Santaclear

Pipe down, both of you.


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## alison.victoria

...What?? I've never seen any of his posts that I can remember. I'm just stating what I've seen.


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## Santaclear

I was jokin', Alison, sorry! :blush:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Was it wrong of me to burst out laughing.......? 



Edit: I burst out laughing....loudly........a second time. My twins just quietly sat there watching me....they didn't bother to even ask what I am chortling about now


----------



## Observer

allison said:


> everyone is constantly going on about how all conservatives are all about destruction and big business



If having voted for both Goldwater and Reagan makes me a conservative, so be it. I believe in local control, as little government as possible, possible budgets, and not legislating from the bench. None of this has anything to do with destruction or big business.

The problem is that true conservatism as taught by Goldwater and Reagan has gotten scrambled with the neo-con movement and globalization. Similarly true liberalism as practiced by Roosevelt and Kennedy has gotten scrambled with socialistic wealth redistribution schemes and imposing minority social agendas on everyone else.

I suggest that you should take the lead in starting two threads in Hyde Park entitled "What does true Conservatism means to you?" and "What does true liberalism mean to you?" I maintain that Conservatives can be pro-environment and Liberals can be pro-individual (and that both can be civil) if given the chance.


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## RobitusinZ

Just voted. My marital status is what makes me feel iffy. Being married and open puts you in a weird spot...the people you wanna talk to platonically all give you the slant-eye, while the people you wanna flirt with give you the same. So, I just pop in once in a while and post in an interesting thread or two.


----------



## T_Devil

T_Devil said:


> Dimensions and I aren't what you would call _perfectly matched_. It's a big community though, and I haven't met everybody. For the most part it's been good for me. I don't cause as much trouble as I used to, but then I haven't been posting all that much lately either.



Ok, I've been posting more. Do I feel more or less accepted? You know what? It doesn't matter to me. If I am accepted, yay for me winning over the status quo. If I'm a pariah, good, hate me. 

I post here because i choose to. Do I reach out to people? Sure. Do people reach out to me? absolutly. are they kind? yes. Have I pissed people off? I'm sure I have. But that's me though. My personality is abrasive at times and gentle at others. My personality makes ME shine, be it beautiful and sparkling or right into your eyes annoying the shit out of you.

I've learned you can't please everybody and the second you try you're only going to be an abject failure two seconds later. I don't begrudge anybody. The same person I'm beefing with about Vegetarianism one week we'll probobly end up agreeing on something else somewhere down the line. I don't try to make enemies, and if I end up making friends, it's because they like me for who I am.

Some people can't stand me. Good for them. Hate me, see what it gets you. I'm not impressed with people who don't like me, and I don't have to value them either. I have better things to do than sully myself with their kind.

There's people I can't stand. I avoid them at all costs. I don't wish to beef with them because I know it's not going to end well. Nobody likes nasty public exchanges of unplesantries. I'm above that and determined to remain above it, even if in the past I was down in it.


----------



## FreneticFang

I feel out of place because I really enjoy being curvy, but the average girl that most FAs look for is well beyond 200 lbs.

No love for the 15-30 lbs overweight girls, really. It's even worse because I thoroughly enjoy any kind of fat talk or weight gain talk. Most guys into that have their ideal girl really tipping the scales and can't be happy with just the extra bulge over jeans look. I find myself just giving up and resorting back to dieting. 

I'm more likely to find a guy that likes a thin girl than one happy with curvy, even here in Dimensions.


----------



## KHayes666

FreneticFang said:


> I feel out of place because I really enjoy being curvy, but the average girl that most FAs look for is well beyond 200 lbs.
> 
> No love for the 15-30 lbs overweight girls, really. It's even worse because I thoroughly enjoy any kind of fat talk or weight gain talk. Most guys into that have their ideal girl really tipping the scales and can't be happy with just the extra bulge over jeans look. I find myself just giving up and resorting back to dieting.
> 
> I'm more likely to find a guy that likes a thin girl than one happy with curvy, even here in Dimensions.



You're wrong......I love midsized girls as much as I love really big girls. I go personality first, looks second, but that's just me.

I agree there are guys who are very strict in their preferences for really big girls such as a certain Cave owner I know but that doesn't mean they are bad guys, its just how they roll. However not every man is like that around here, like me for instance.

You're not out of place at all, I will say its a lot different in your case being "15 to 30 lbs overweight" as upposed to 150 lbs overweight, but the fact is you're still in the right place.

Nothing wrong with a little bulge over the jeans, fun to pat and rub while watching a movie or snuggling lol.


----------



## FaxMachine1234

FreneticFang said:


> I feel out of place because I really enjoy being curvy, but the average girl that most FAs look for is well beyond 200 lbs.
> 
> No love for the 15-30 lbs overweight girls, really. It's even worse because I thoroughly enjoy any kind of fat talk or weight gain talk. Most guys into that have their ideal girl really tipping the scales and can't be happy with just the extra bulge over jeans look. I find myself just giving up and resorting back to dieting.
> 
> I'm more likely to find a guy that likes a thin girl than one happy with curvy, even here in Dimensions.



Yeah, I like girls all across the spectrum, including the "curviness" level you're talking about (this is coming out so dorky); it really depends on the girl herself. And having been about that much overweight myself for most of the last five years, I can relate to the "stuck in the middle" feeling, but that shouldn't opt you, me, or anyone else out from FA talk in my opinion


----------



## SoVerySoft

I recall lots of postitive feedback for a couple of gals who posted pics on the Weight Board and Erotic WG Board. These gals were just chubby and the men were drooling. 

They proudly displayed their soft little bellies and such and it was great to see the responses they got.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

SoVerySoft said:


> I recall lots of postitive feedback for a couple of gals who posted pics on the Weight Board and Erotic WG Board. These gals were just chubby and the men were drooling.
> 
> They proudly displayed their soft little bellies and such and it was great to see the responses they got.




This is true....I see them go batty over girls on the weight board that don't look like they weigh 140 lbs soaking wet.


----------



## Victim

I notice that on Curvage too, they seem to go for the muffin tops just as much as the BBWs.


----------



## ocean-girl

i have long since stopped even logging in unless i need to see a certain pic-

when i first found this site i was overwhelmed with joy, but soon discovered even posting in the bhm forum (as an only slightly chubby female who was quite ignored on other forums), or in the ever-evolving topical rooms, that i just don't have what it takes to get in. 

so finally, i decided, eh, i love this site, i check it almost daily for interesting posts and new stories (please keep writing!), and maybe it is ok that i don't have too much to contribute. 

i have seen some people become so discouraged they made big announcements that they were leaving the site hoping (i suspect) to get some well deserved love for their interesting and generously posted ideas that sank to the bottom of the pile. some of us are just sensitive overall and maybe it is ok if we are just observers. i have a hard enough time being competitive irl, never mind being "cool" online. 

eh. its ok, i LOVE it here and it is home to me even if only i really know that. count me among the many lurkers who know many of you through your posts, feel for you in moments of struggle and celebrate the many wonderful life-changing threads that have manifested here.


----------



## pinkylou

Im a relative noob here, but I dont feel out of place, its like everything in life, you have to make an effort to get to know people, and so far Ive had a great time on here


----------



## Rowan

RobitusinZ said:


> Just voted. My marital status is what makes me feel iffy. Being married and open puts you in a weird spot...the people you wanna talk to platonically all give you the slant-eye, while the people you wanna flirt with give you the same. So, I just pop in once in a while and post in an interesting thread or two.



Well I'm sure you can understand WHY you'd get the questionable response right?


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## thatgirl08

alison.victoria said:


> That's strange, because there are quite a few of us in our late teens, early 20s, and I have never had anyone be condescending towards me, and *I haven't ever really seen anyone be condescending towards someone who, well, didn't deserve it.*



I have to disagree with that. There's a lot of condescending posts toward younger members.


----------



## Tarella

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Speaking for myself only.... I have felt extremely out of place in the last few months.
> 
> I tend to feel a bit out of place because there are so many who actually "know" each other, in "real" life, as opposed to the internet. I find I have trouble getting involved in some discussions, because it's clear that the discussion is an "inside" thing. I don't necessarily have a problem with that, but it can be tough to get involved.
> 
> That said... there are some VERY VERY VERY nice people here, who have been extremely kind to me, and I have NO complaints about that. I appreciate everyone being so friendly and nice. I've posted a fair amount of pictures, and I've always gotten very wonderful compliments, which I greatly appreciate. I try to return those comments and compliments to everyone else as well, because I do know how good they make ME feel... I know others would like to receive the same.
> 
> I find that I don't feel my posts are "clever" enough... that what I have to say seems insignificant, compared to what some of the others have posted. So rather than post something stupid or insignificant, I don't post at all. I like reading what everyone else posts, but I keep my thoughts to myself, unless something really strikes me. I do worry that I come across badly because I don't get involved more. I don't want to be seen as snobby or better than anyone else. That's not the case at all, I just don't feel as smart some others here. So I just read a lot.
> 
> I've cut back my posting in the last few months... specifically for one reason. I cannot tolerate the rude, nasty comments that go flying around periodically. (not at me, thank goodness) Internet or not, I don't see the need to be flat out rude to someone because you don't like their post, or you think they said something that's aimed at you. What usually follows is back and forth posts trading insults...each one getting progressively more nasty and rude. I can't stand it. I have said this about people in every day society.... when did it become okay to be rude to people?
> 
> I also realize that somethings are said to be a joke or said sarcastically.... but, being written as opposed to being spoken... one doesn't hear the vocal inflection to know that it was intended to be a joke or was said sarcastically. I think that starts a lot of nasty discussion.
> 
> Generally I enjoy being here... I just would like to feel more comfortable in the discussions.



Hi Violet,

Though, I have fond thoughts of the people I have met and time that I have spent here, I feel very much like you. Thanks for your comments.

Tara


----------



## Adamantoise

Now then,I only post on the paysite forum and on certain threads in The Lounge.To be honest,I very rarely,if ever,go near Hyde Park mainly because I don't feel I am intelligent enough to post anything of worth,and I don't understand a heck of a lot about politics-however,I do want to become more involved,but I don't want to make a fool of myself at the same time...


----------



## Mathias

When it comes to Hyde Park, just jump in; that's what I did. If I needed to get something off my chest about the topic at hand I would say what was on my mind and feel better about doing so afterword. The fact that someone agreed with whatever it was that I had to say was an added bonus. Try not to get discouraged if no one seems to notice what you say. Keep making your voice known!


----------



## JiminOR

I'm not so sure it's age that matters, more experience. I'm 37, almost as old as the OP, but my first exposure to message boards was the late 80's, when I would post on a friends BBS using my Commodore 64 and a modem. So by the times I got to Dims I already pretty much knew how forums worked, having posted in many over the years. And I've felt welcome since day one.


----------



## Adamantoise

Thanks Matt,I'll keep that in mind.


----------



## goodthings

I am new here and have found that so far, some of the members are not all that inclusive and that assumptions have been made with out cause.


----------



## William

Hi 

If you look at the percentages on the poll of this thread you are in the majority!

I think that it is a small group of vocal people that push others away here, but I still find a lot of good conversation here.

William 




goodthings said:


> I am new here and have found that so far, some of the members are not all that inclusive and that assumptions have been made with out cause.


----------



## ThatFatGirl

goodthings said:


> I am new here and have found that so far, some of the members are not all that inclusive and that assumptions have been made with out cause.



Just give people a chance to get to know you. No offense, but your recent thread topics on the sexuality board might scare a few people off or cause them to make judgements by title alone ("If I blow you...", "Swingers party", "NEEDING it".. though I ran over there and read the first few posts of each when I saw them. I'm sure I'm not alone.).. everyone understands horny and wanting to explore your sexuality, but share some other sides of yourself too? This goes for anyone who only posts in one place.. the strictly paysite board commentators, the Hyde Park only residents, etc.. spread yourself around and expose yourself (heh) to a wider audience and you're bound to hit it off with more people. I hope that becomes your experience anyway. 

Welcome to Dimensions!


----------



## Shosh

goodthings said:


> I am new here and have found that so far, some of the members are not all that inclusive and that assumptions have been made with out cause.



Give people a chance to get to know you. Most here are pretty rock solid good people.



ThatFatGirl said:


> Just give people a chance to get to know you. No offense, but your recent thread topics on the sexuality board might scare a few people off or cause them to make judgements by title alone ("If I blow you...", "Swingers party", "NEEDING it".. though I ran over there and read the first few posts of each when I saw them. I'm sure I'm not alone.).. everyone understands horny and wanting to explore your sexuality, but share some other sides of yourself too? This goes for anyone who only posts in one place.. the strictly paysite board commentators, the Hyde Park only residents, etc.. spread yourself around and expose yourself (heh) to a wider audience and you're bound to hit it off with more people. I hope that becomes your experience anyway.
> 
> Welcome to Dimensions!



Yes and yes. Rep coming and well said.:bow:


----------



## Wagimawr

ThatFatGirl said:


> expose yourself (heh)


Yes.

Do it.


----------



## goodthings

ThatFatGirl said:


> Just give people a chance to get to know you. No offense, but your recent thread topics on the sexuality board might scare a few people off or cause them to make judgements by title alone ("If I blow you...", "Swingers party", "NEEDING it".. though I ran over there and read the first few posts of each when I saw them. I'm sure I'm not alone.).. everyone understands horny and wanting to explore your sexuality, but share some other sides of yourself too? This goes for anyone who only posts in one place.. the strictly paysite board commentators, the Hyde Park only residents, etc.. spread yourself around and expose yourself (heh) to a wider audience and you're bound to hit it off with more people. I hope that becomes your experience anyway.
> 
> Welcome to Dimensions!



ya I have felt a little judged but hey if I put it our there...the ironic thing is that I am VERY inexperienced oh loved the "spread" heehee


----------



## goodthings

Susannah said:


> Give people a chance to get to know you. Most here are pretty rock solid good people.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes and yes. Rep coming and well said.:bow:



I think the posts that made me feel the most left out were the photo ones where I did not get on comment for either where as others had pages of kudos. This made me feel embarrassd and exposed


----------



## goodthings

Wagimawr said:


> Yes.
> 
> Do it.



Hey I already did and did not get a response ...


----------



## IndyGal

goodthings said:


> I think the posts that made me feel the most left out were the photo ones where I did not get on comment for either where as others had pages of kudos. This made me feel embarrassd and exposed



I feel the *exact *same way. I'm pretty new here too. I even posted (a comment, not a picture) on one of the answer a question/ask a question threads and was totally ignored. The person after me replied to the person before me.


----------



## bexy

Adamantoise said:


> Now then,I only post on the paysite forum and on certain threads in The Lounge.To be honest,I very rarely,if ever,go near Hyde Park mainly because I don't feel I am intelligent enough to post anything of worth,and I don't understand a heck of a lot about politics-however,I do want to become more involved,but I don't want to make a fool of myself at the same time...



Hyde Park hurts my head dude!!! I tend to stay out of it lol!


----------



## Shosh

IndyGal said:


> I feel the *exact *same way. I'm pretty new here too. I even posted (a comment, not a picture) on one of the answer a question/ask a question threads and was totally ignored. The person after me replied to the person before me.



Give it a little time, and you will make friends here and be loving it in no time.


----------



## olwen

goodthings said:


> I think the posts that made me feel the most left out were the photo ones where I did not get on comment for either where as others had pages of kudos. This made me feel embarrassd and exposed





IndyGal said:


> I feel the *exact *same way. I'm pretty new here too. I even posted (a comment, not a picture) on one of the answer a question/ask a question threads and was totally ignored. The person after me replied to the person before me.





Susannah said:


> Give it a little time, and you will make friends here and be loving it in no time.



Exactly as Susannah says. Don't worry about it, as it happens to all of us. See, you're already part of the gang.


----------



## Seth Warren

Adamantoise said:


> I very rarely,if ever,go near Hyde Park mainly because I don't feel I am intelligent enough to post anything of worth,and I don't understand a heck of a lot about politics-however,I do want to become more involved,but I don't want to make a fool of myself at the same time...



Making a fool out of oneself is the central principle of Hyde Park. The place is full of political neophytes and ideologues who fail to see the big picture or understand politics in a context outside of the narrow view they've wedged themselves into. It's very much like the real world.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

IndyGal said:


> I feel the *exact *same way. I'm pretty new here too. I even posted (a comment, not a picture) on one of the answer a question/ask a question threads and was totally ignored. The person after me replied to the person before me.



Lol...I made a thread once in the lounge when I first came here that got about a page worth of responses. A couple of weeks later- someone else made the exact same thread (that's happened to me twice actually). 
About six months later, someone else makes the same thread- with about three pages worth of responses and someone saying "wow, what a great thread idea" :blink: :doh:

Some people aren't here every day and a lot just miss posts.......hell, entire threads even. 
Don't take it personal....just keep on posting. People are bound to notice/respond to you eventually


----------



## Amatrix

Adamantoise said:


> Now then,I only post on the paysite forum and on certain threads in The Lounge.To be honest,I very rarely,if ever,go near Hyde Park mainly because I don't feel I am intelligent enough to post anything of worth,and I don't understand a heck of a lot about politics-however,I do want to become more involved,but I don't want to make a fool of myself at the same time...



seriously as some have said, just jump in.

i get told a lot of the time to go back to posting pictures and playing in the thread games.

just remember- whatever you say someone will be against it. Hyde is for political debates and also personal vendetta. get ready for some mud thrown around.


----------



## etherealmorning

For my part, I quite enjoy what I've seen of Dims so far. I feel like I can express myself and be who I really am instead of the excessively food-conscious, scrawny person that society wants me to be.

As someone who is into weight gain and is transitioning from being a fairly tiny guy to a BHM with a FFA's help, sometimes I do wonder if the majority of people here (that is, a slight majority which seems to be BBW and their admirers) find the ways that I fit into the community to be a bit out of place or distasteful. However, I haven't really gotten that feeling so far. So for what it's worth, I don't feel that out of place.


----------



## pagan22

I feel out of place simply because I'm conservative. It's a very liberal board, so I have to be careful and stay out of most of the thread where politics are thrown around. My anger would get the best of me. 

And the cliques. It's often like highschool around the forum.


----------



## Shosh

pagan22 said:


> I feel out of place simply because I'm conservative. It's a very liberal board, so I have to be careful and stay out of most of the thread where politics are thrown around. My anger would get the best of me.
> 
> And the cliques. It's often like highschool around the forum.




I dont agree regarding "Cliques". I think if you throw your hat in the ring and contribute, it may take time, but people will get to know you and will respond.

I imagine some here are real life friends also, so it would seem natural that they gravitate towards each other.

I have not seen anybody purposely exclude another here.


----------



## CleverBomb

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol...I made a thread once in the lounge when I first came here that got about a page worth of responses. A couple of weeks later- someone else made the exact same thread (that's happened to me twice actually).
> About six months later, someone else makes the same thread- with about three pages worth of responses and someone saying "wow, what a great thread idea" :blink: :doh:
> 
> Some people aren't here every day and a lot just miss posts.......hell, entire threads even.
> Don't take it personal....just keep on posting. People are bound to notice/respond to you eventually


Oh, and posting pictures of desserts helps, sometimes. 





-Rusty


----------



## Santaclear

pagan22 said:


> And the cliques. It's often like highschool around the forum.



The cliques are more based around likes of different desserts than anything else.


----------



## pinkylou

We need a cupcake clique to be honest :wubu:


----------



## jnp782

It does seem kind of "cliquey" on the Dimensions Forum. I recently joined and have reached out to a few people and posted once or twice. It seems that everyone is going to the NJ Bash and if you aren't going, then there's no reason to even contact anyone. I plan on attending the Bash at a later date, but until then I'd like to mingle here just as much as the next person. Other than that, the site does have alot of good points.


----------



## Shosh

jnp782 said:


> It does seem kind of "cliquey" on the Dimensions Forum. I recently joined and have reached out to a few people and posted once or twice. It seems that everyone is going to the NJ Bash and if you aren't going, then there's no reason to even contact anyone. I plan on attending the Bash at a later date, but until then I'd like to mingle here just as much as the next person. Other than that, the site does have alot of good points.



Give it time. Rome was not built in a day.

Just enjoy yourself in the mean time. 

Have a dessert.


----------



## William

Hi Susannah 

There is a group here that is allow to do and act anyway they want and therefore control the conversations. 

William





Susannah said:


> I dont agree regarding "Cliques". I think if you throw your hat in the ring and contribute, it may take time, but people will get to know you and will respond.
> 
> I imagine some here are real life friends also, so it would seem natural that they gravitate towards each other.
> 
> I have not seen anybody purposely exclude another here.


----------



## Shosh

William said:


> Hi Susannah
> 
> There is a group here that is allow to do and act anyway they want and therefore control the conversations.
> 
> William




What are you basing that on? I actually believe the boards are moderated very fairly and evenly.
I guess moderators cannot be everywhere at once though. 

I have been told to put a sock in it when I have needed it. We all have.

Instead of focusing on the perceived negatives, people should just try to put themselves out there a little and be involved. It takes time, but people do generally respond.

I think the needle is getting stuck on the record player now.


----------



## stan_der_man

I tried to start a clique called the "Anti-Clique" but most of the people who were to be members have left now...


... perhaps it was more successful than I realized.


----------



## Shosh

Mate, who wants to be a part of my posse then? What? Nobody?

That's alright. I like my own company anyway. Self love baby. You gotta love yourself before others can love you.


----------



## William

Hi Susannah

Dimensions is a good community and if you put yourself out there people will start responding to you.

Sometime a group of Dim peers will respond by drowning out any conversations they do not approve of, which defeats the purpose of communities like Dimensions. They are allowed behavior that would get people banned in most online communities. There are "Special People" here.

The proof are all the long threads where some people are allowed to use abusive behavior hundreds of times.

William





Susannah said:


> What are you basing that on? I actually believe the boards are moderated very fairly and evenly.
> I guess moderators cannot be everywhere at once though.
> 
> I have been told to put a sock in it when I have needed it. We all have.
> 
> Instead of focusing on the perceived negatives, people should just try to put themselves out there a little and be involved. It takes time, but people do generally respond.
> 
> I think the needle is getting stuck on the record player now.


----------



## Shosh

William said:


> Hi Susannah
> 
> Dimensions is a good community and if you put yourself out there people will start responding to you.
> 
> Sometime a group of Dim peers will respond by drowning out any conversations they do not approve of, which defeats the purpose of communities like Dimensions. They are allowed behavior that would get people banned in most online communities. There are "Special People" here.
> 
> The proof are all the long threads where some people are allowed to use abusive behavior hundreds of times.
> 
> William



Hi William,

Can you tell me which thread are you referring to? Did something happen?

I am a lil out of the loop, having recently taken a break from Dims.


----------



## William

Hi Susannah

I am not opening any of those "Non-Dimensions PT" subjects again, which is one reason that discussion here is often very artificial.

William




Susannah said:


> Hi William,
> 
> Can you tell me which thread are you referring to? Did something happen?
> 
> I am a lil out of the loop, having recently taken a break from Dims.


----------



## Shosh

William said:


> Hi Susannah
> 
> I am not opening any of those "Non-Dimensions PT" subjects again, which is one reason that discussion here is often very artificial.
> 
> William



I think there are a number of serious and important discussions that take place here, and there are also the " I'm leaving if this thread gets a 1000 replies" type threads.

Balance in everything is important. I for one need it. I discuss issues of significance here, but I also need the " Artifical" type stuff as well, or everything would get too stressful.

What to do? I am not sure to be honest.


----------



## William

Hi Susannah

I do not want to anger the powers that be here and by artificial I am not talking about the goofy threads people start for fun.

When I say that lots of what is said on Dimensions is artificial i,t is because a entire points views which are not vulgar, derogatory or Anti-Fat Acceptance Ideas can and have been drown out and pushed aside on Dimensions because certain "Special People" do not agree with that point of view. 

I have to go now, nothing good will come of this conversation, that is just the way it is here.

William




Susannah said:


> I think there are a number of serious and important discussions that take place here, and there are also the " I'm leaving if this thread gets a 1000 replies" type threads.
> 
> Balance in everything is important. I for one need it. I discuss issues of significance here, but I also need the " Artifical" type stuff as well, or everything would get too stressful.
> 
> What to do? I am not sure to be honest.


----------



## pinkylou

I havent really noticed cliques as such, just people who know each other more...


----------



## Shosh

William said:


> Hi Susannah
> 
> I do not want to anger the powers that be here and by artificial I am not talking about the goofy threads people start for fun.
> 
> When I say that lots of what is said on Dimensions is artificial i,t is because a entire points views which are not vulgar, derogatory or Anti-Fat Acceptance Ideas can and have been drown out and pushed aside on Dimensions because certain "Special People" do not agree with that point of view.
> 
> I have to go now, nothing good will come of this conversation, that is just the way it is here.
> 
> William




Hi William,

I must be stupid or something, because I am just not understanding what you are trying to convey here.

I am sorry.


----------



## William

Hi Susannah

That is OK if you do know what I am talking about. Maybe it is because you are one of the people that seems to respect the ideas and experiences of others.

I only bring these problems up to remind people that their viewpoints and experiences do not really count here on Dimensions if certain people do not approve of them. They are allowed to do anything they want to block the viewpoints of others.

William





Susannah said:


> Hi William,
> 
> I must be stupid or something, because I am just not understanding what you are trying to convey here.
> 
> I am sorry.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

I think there needs to be a new poll option.

Am very whiny. People do not put up with it. Need coddles.


----------



## bexy

I've never felt out of place, if I did I would leave! What would be the point in sticking around somewhere I thought I didn't fit in!

I just do my own wee thing here at Dims...I'm in the Bexy Clique.


----------



## bbwpimp

The jury is still out on my opinion, I have already talked to some really cool people here, but I also had a thread I started removed even though there were simuler threads already posted. I guess they were posted by the RIGHT people.
2 people came in posting negitive comments about the thread off the bad and one of them said dhe posted in another thread I mentioned, I guess someone populer started that thread. 
but like I said I wont pass judgement on the whole board based on 2 mean people, notice I mention no names, cause I dont with to start a fight just voice my view thus far.


----------



## SamanthaNY

William said:


> Hi Susannah
> 
> That is OK if you do know what I am talking about. Maybe it is because you are one of the people that seems to respect the ideas and experiences of others.
> 
> I only bring these problems up to remind people that their viewpoints and experiences do not really count here on Dimensions if certain people do not approve of them. They are allowed to do anything they want to block the viewpoints of others.
> 
> William



I think part of 'fitting in' (whatever that means) here means being able to effectively communicate with others, so they understand what you're trying to say, and then have the ability to interact and respond. That's how comfort is established here, generally. There are some people here that I personally have a LOT of trouble understanding, and I don't think I'm alone in that feeling. When I read some posts, all the words are there, and they seem to go together, but the concepts and ideas behind them do not translate. And when people ask for clarification, it somehow gets inexplicably muddier. Then the person in question appears resentful that people aren't 'getting it', and we feel frustrated that they're still not adequately conveying their message. It all serves as a giant, unfortunate disconnect.

And regarding these 'special people' you mention, every site has it's stars. They change up from time to time, with some dimming out (lol) and some shining brighter than others. It's part of human life, and part of any organized group. Something I've found hard-learned here is that Dim is what it is - and individual members may have very little they can do to change it. You either stay and deal, or you don't. No one's opinion "counts", because there's no one counting. It's not a contest to become one of the Specials. I don't really care how many 'approve' of me, or what I say... I'm not looking for overall approval - are you? 

Continuing to harp on something that you personally object to has no positive effect, and in fact only serves to make the complainer seem angrier, and their posts continually negative and bitter, as if trying to drag others down. It doesn't make the person very approachable, confuses people who don't know what they're talking about, and invites negative responses from those that do. Once you go through the proper channels with a complaint, you'd do well to just move on with what you enjoy here, and ignore the stuff you don't... cuz it's the only game in town.


----------



## stan_der_man

William said:


> ...
> 
> I do not want to anger the powers that be here
> 
> ....
> 
> William




Don't sweat it William, I do it all the time.... 





... watch.






Conrad has a bunch of phony aliases! 

Feeder feeder feeder!




See, you'd be amazed what you can get away with if you keep things in the right context...


----------



## Victim

Maybe he is the one encouraging all the posting of dessert pics.

I sometimes feel out of place here, but that just makes causing trouble that much easier.


----------



## Victim

delete, wrong thread.


----------



## pinkylou

bbwpimp said:


> The jury is still out on my opinion, I have already talked to some really cool people here, but I also had a thread I started removed even though there were simuler threads already posted. I guess they were posted by the RIGHT people.
> 2 people came in posting negitive comments about the thread off the bad and one of them said dhe posted in another thread I mentioned, I guess someone populer started that thread.
> but like I said I wont pass judgement on the whole board based on 2 mean people, notice I mention no names, cause I dont with to start a fight just voice my view thus far.



as there is a naked thread, i guess thats why..


----------



## stan_der_man

Victim said:


> Maybe he is the one encouraging all the posting of dessert pics.
> 
> I sometimes feel out of place here, but that just makes causing trouble that much easier.




I know... it's probably wrong of me to bite the hand that feeds...  Many good things have happened here also.


----------



## Rowan

bexylicious said:


> I've never felt out of place, if I did I would leave! What would be the point in sticking around somewhere I thought I didn't fit in!
> 
> I just do my own wee thing here at Dims...I'm in the Bexy Clique.



Oh i am SOOOOOO in that clique *GRIN*


----------



## Victim

I joined the Bexy clique long ago...


----------



## bexy

hehe I started a clique!! Oh if the girls from school could see me now...


----------



## Victim

Now you need your own thread like some of the writers here have.


----------



## bexy

Victim said:


> Now you need your own thread like some of the writers here have.



a superb suggestion...except that I can't write for toffee lol


----------



## Victim

I was just using that as an example. We need the Bexy's clique thread.


----------



## bexy

Victim said:


> I was just using that as an example. We need the Bexy's clique thread.



oh I see!! Nah because if only you, rowan and myself joined I would feel sad lol.


----------



## ataraxia

I think it's mostly just that this place has such high volume that you'll never be noticed unless you make A LOT of posts. You might feel like an insider by reading tons of threads, but nobody knows you if you mostly just lurk. Many of us (me included) just don't have enough time to post a lot. Some of us (again, me included) just don't really care that much about whether we're noticed.

It's just that old chestnut of "You get out of it what you put into it." If you hang out here all day and hobnob with everybody, that's one thing. If you show up twice a day and make two posts per month, like I do, that's totally different. It's when you belong to one case here and expect to get the results of the other, that makes a problem.


----------



## JiminOR

Victim said:


> I was just using that as an example. We need the Bexy's clique thread.


 
Only if it's called Bexy's Midnight Runners.


----------



## Victim

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to JiminOR again.


----------



## goodthings

JiminOR said:


> Only if it's called Bexy's Midnight Runners.



the last few posts actually make my point.
I have posted quite a bit and put up photos that have been ignored which is brutal have also tried the chat room where it was very unwelcoming by more than one of the locals. I find it interesting that many must come here looking forcommunity and acceptance only to be ignored here as well which to me is worse than the so called mainstreams rejections


----------



## William

Hi Samantha

It is kind of hard to do what you say when Some Fat Acceptance Topics are off limits unless you use the "Special People's" point of view. What is the benefit of ignoring this?

William





SamanthaNY said:


> I think part of 'fitting in' (whatever that means) here means being able to effectively communicate with others, so they understand what you're trying to say, and then have the ability to interact and respond. That's how comfort is established here, generally. There are some people here that I personally have a LOT of trouble understanding, and I don't think I'm alone in that feeling. When I read some posts, all the words are there, and they seem to go together, but the concepts and ideas behind them do not translate. And when people ask for clarification, it somehow gets inexplicably muddier. Then the person in question appears resentful that people aren't 'getting it', and we feel frustrated that they're still not adequately conveying their message. It all serves as a giant, unfortunate disconnect.
> 
> And regarding these 'special people' you mention, every site has it's stars. They change up from time to time, with some dimming out (lol) and some shining brighter than others. It's part of human life, and part of any organized group. Something I've found hard-learned here is that Dim is what it is - and individual members may have very little they can do to change it. You either stay and deal, or you don't. No one's opinion "counts", because there's no one counting. It's not a contest to become one of the Specials. I don't really care how many 'approve' of me, or what I say... I'm not looking for overall approval - are you?
> 
> Continuing to harp on something that you personally object to has no positive effect, and in fact only serves to make the complainer seem angrier, and their posts continually negative and bitter, as if trying to drag others down. It doesn't make the person very approachable, confuses people who don't know what they're talking about, and invites negative responses from those that do. Once you go through the proper channels with a complaint, you'd do well to just move on with what you enjoy here, and ignore the stuff you don't... cuz it's the only game in town.


----------



## William

Hi Stan

I did not mean Conrad 

William 





fa_man_stan said:


> Don't sweat it William, I do it all the time....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ... watch.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Conrad has a bunch of phony aliases!
> 
> Feeder feeder feeder!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> See, you'd be amazed what you can get away with if you keep things in the right context...


----------



## JiminOR

goodthings said:


> the last few posts actually make my point.
> I have posted quite a bit and put up photos that have been ignored which is brutal have also tried the chat room where it was very unwelcoming by more than one of the locals. I find it interesting that many must come here looking forcommunity and acceptance only to be ignored here as well which to me is worse than the so called mainstreams rejections


 
All I did was make a really shitty pun :huh:

You know, cause Bexy rhymes with Dexy. 

If you're reading more into it than that, I'm sorry. I'll try not to make any more shitty puns about forgotten 80's rock bands.

Sorry Men Without Hats, you're shit out of luck, I'm retired from the pun business. That goes for you too Flock of Seagulls and Thompson Twins.


----------



## SamanthaNY

William said:


> Hi Samantha
> 
> It is kind of hard to do what you say when Some Fat Acceptance Topics are off limits unless you use the "Special People's" point of view. What is the benefit of ignoring this?
> 
> William



Sorry, I don't understand.


----------



## Sicilia_Curves

I feel out of place because I always get in trouble for word usage and sometimes things on my comps when I post in the model website area. I know its nothing personal and I'm not getting singled out or picked on, it's just I always have to "walk on eggshells" before I post anything and that is somewhat uncomfortable.


----------



## Victim

Maybe we should form a self abuse/deprecation clique where all we do is whine about what we CAN'T do instead of just doing things.

Nobody really gives a crap about what I say, but that doesn't stop me from saying it.


----------



## mossystate

SamanthaNY said:


> Sorry, I don't understand.




http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42091

just so this does not become....that thread


----------



## SamanthaNY

Sicilia_Curves said:


> I feel out of place because I always get in trouble for word usage and sometimes things on my comps when I post in the model website area. I know its nothing personal and I'm not getting singled out or picked on, it's just I always have to "walk on eggshells" before I post anything and that is somewhat uncomfortable.



I think the issue there is that paysite folk aren't supposed to have links to their sites. Ya know, like you do now. Hee hee. 

P.S.(I'm not picking on you - just the irony of that made me giggle)
P.P.S.(I know there's a trick to getting your sig advert removed from non-paysite-board threads... perhaps you can ask someone)


----------



## SamanthaNY

mossystate said:


> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42091
> 
> just so this does not become....that thread



Oh I know. I didn't understand it then either :happy:.


----------



## bexy

JiminOR said:


> All I did was make a really shitty pun :huh:
> 
> You know, cause Bexy rhymes with Dexy.
> 
> If you're reading more into it than that, I'm sorry. I'll try not to make any more shitty puns about forgotten 80's rock bands.
> 
> Sorry Men Without Hats, you're shit out of luck, I'm retired from the pun business. That goes for you too Flock of Seagulls and Thompson Twins.



Jim you're awesome. Steer clear of the Morrissey puns and I'm a happy bunny!!



goodthings said:


> the last few posts actually make my point.
> I have posted quite a bit and put up photos that have been ignored which is brutal have also tried the chat room where it was very unwelcoming by more than one of the locals. I find it interesting that many must come here looking forcommunity and acceptance only to be ignored here as well which to me is worse than the so called mainstreams rejections



how did the last few posts make your point? I don't understand whats bothering you about a bit of banter amongst the posters in this thread..
I know I for one have posted in some of the threads you have started...so what is annoying you?


----------



## JiminOR

bexylicious said:


> Jim you're awesome. Steer clear of the Morrissey puns and I'm a happy bunny!!


 
Don't say I'm awesome, you'll make somebody feel bad


----------



## mossystate

JiminOR said:


> Don't say I'm awesome, you'll make somebody feel bad



I threw up in my mouth a lil...is that the same thing?...because, let me tell you...it was bad.... * shaking fist smiley *


----------



## JiminOR

mossystate said:


> I threw up in my mouth a lil...is that the same thing?...because, let me tell you...it was bad.... * shaking fist smiley *


 
Whatever. You're definitely not awesome either.


----------



## bexy

Ok for the purposes of inclusion, nobody is awesome, you all suck and smell a little bit like cheese.


----------



## mossystate

JiminOR said:


> Whatever. You're definitely not awesome either.



Hey, that's going to make somebody feel...er...bad....errr...HEY!!!


----------



## Seth Warren

bexylicious said:


> Ok for the purposes of inclusion, nobody is awesome, you all suck and smell a little bit like cheese.



Are you calling me French? If so, I'm only insulted because you're from the UK.


----------



## bexy

Seth Warren said:


> Are you calling me French? If so, I'm only insulted because you're from the UK.



No, I'm calling you smelly...what are you implying about French People Mr Warren...?


----------



## Seth Warren

bexylicious said:


> No, I'm calling you smelly...what are you implying about French People Mr Warren...?



Only that it is very difficult to govern a nation which has so many types of cheese.


----------



## bexy

Seth Warren said:


> Only that it is very difficult to govern a nation which has so many types of cheese.



Charles de Gaulle would agree with you on that one...246 types I believe?


----------



## Seth Warren

bexylicious said:


> Charles de Gaulle would agree with you on that one...246 types I believe?



I don't remember the exact number, but I do know that it was a lot of cheese. Also, because of the bacterial content, some French cheeses are illegal to import into the United States. Can you image being stopped at customs for "illegal cheese?" That would be embarrassing.


----------



## William

The sarcastic posts that some people use to show that nothing but what they and their peers thinks matters has started already. What a great way to alienate whole groups of people in a acceptance community.

William




mossystate said:


> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42091
> 
> just so this does not become....that thread


----------



## bexy

Seth Warren said:


> I don't remember the exact number, but I do know that it was a lot of cheese. Also, because of the bacterial content, some French cheeses are illegal to import into the United States. Can you image being stopped at customs for "illegal cheese?" That would be embarrassing.



But also, something to tell the grandkids


----------



## Victim

William said:


> The sarcastic posts that some people use to show that nothing but what they and their peers thinks matters has started already. What a great way to alienate whole groups of people in a acceptance community.
> 
> William



Hey! We already had some cheese, look who's brought the whine!


----------



## Tina

I'm going to Rusty's for dessert! :eat1:


----------



## William

Hi 

My last thought on the subject, to the majority of people that feel out of place here, if you express yourself then statements like this one below are the best Dimensions has to offer you.

So just remember this as you post here.

William




Victim said:


> Hey! We already had some cheese, look who's brought the whine!


----------



## Seth Warren

Tina said:


> I'm going to Rusty's for dessert! :eat1:



May I recommend The Cheesecake Factory, instead?


----------



## Victim

Then go ahead and express yourself already and quit complaining that you can't.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Victim said:


> Then go ahead and express yourself already and quit complaining that you can't.



When you act more like a Victim than some one named Victim, you know you've got issues.



It'd be fine if everything he said wasn't totally unfounded.


----------



## SamanthaNY

William said:


> Hi
> 
> My last thought on the subject, to the majority of people that feel out of place here, if you express yourself then *statements like this one below are the best Dimensions has to offer you*.
> 
> So just remember this as you post here.
> 
> William



Oh that's *so* not true!!

We can come up with way better jokes that Victim does. 

Badumpshhh... I mean, c'mon Eileen (*snort*)... Stevie Wonder could see that one coming.


----------



## Mathias

William said:


> The sarcastic posts that some people use to show that nothing but what they and their peers thinks matters has started already. What a great way to alienate whole groups of people in a acceptance community.
> 
> William



You're only a vitctim unless you choose to do something to change it and not continue to dwell on it.


----------



## William

Hi 

I am not a victim, but as you see no further conversation on the matter will be tolerated by the ones who are allowed to do and say anything.

William 




MattS19 said:


> You're only a vitctim unless you choose to do something to change it and not dwell on it.


----------



## Mathias

No one is psycially keeping you from posting, just so you know.


----------



## CleverBomb

SamanthaNY said:


> Oh that's *so* not true!!
> 
> We can come up with way better jokes that Victim does.
> 
> Badumpshhh... I mean, c'mon Eileen (*snort*)... Stevie Wonder could see that one coming.


As the French say,
_Tout le monde ont l'amusement ce soir
Tout le monde Wang Chung se soir._
-Rusty


----------



## William

What would be the point when people are allowed to do and say anything that want until a thread is filled with nonsense?

This special treatment of some people here makes conversation impossible if they wish it that way.

William




MattS19 said:


> No one is psycially keeping you from posting, just so you know.


----------



## mossystate

William said:


> The sarcastic posts that some people use to show that nothing but what they and their peers thinks matters has started already. What a great way to alienate whole groups of people in a acceptance community.
> 
> William




William...sometimes, you need to chuckle a little...lighten up...enjoy yourself.

Look around and actually SEE how most of the people you think are so horrible, actually participate all over this board. They put out, for all to see... laughter...tears...concern...joy...sarcasm...anger...smarts...bad moods...good moods...^5ing recipes...etc..etc.. And, they are not just doing that with their ' cliques '.*w*

Seems you want to beat the heck out of one drum, a drum that simply does not exist, not as you present it. There are always plenty of people who come running..walking...rolling...to those who are in need, in many ways. You just refuse to see it. Yes, refuse.
---


To the people reading this who are a little shy to jump in....please do...jump. Ack, now I have the image of David Lee Roth in spandex, floating around my brain.


----------



## ThatFatGirl

goodthings said:


> the last few posts actually make my point.
> I have posted quite a bit and put up photos that have been ignored which is brutal have also tried the chat room where it was very unwelcoming by more than one of the locals. I find it interesting that many must come here looking forcommunity and acceptance only to be ignored here as well which to me is worse than the so called mainstreams rejections





I'm sorry you feel rejection. I think most people have posted photos that go seemingly unnoticed from time to time. Don't let that stop you if that's how you want to express yourself here. And chat? Chat's crazy... I don't know how much time you spent in there or who was there/what the conversations were at the time, but it's rarely the same place twice. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it's a blast. 

My advice is just relax, keep posting, and TRY to have some fun.. You've been here all of _one month_ for God's sake.


----------



## Mathias

William said:


> What would be the point when people are allowed to do and say anything that want until a thread is filled with nonsense?
> 
> This special treatment of some people here makes conversation impossible if they wish it that way.
> 
> William



It's not against the rules. And it's being done because people are so frustrated with your posts. Can you not see that?


----------



## SamanthaNY

William said:


> What would be the point when people are allowed to do and say anything that want until a thread is filled with nonsense?
> 
> This special treatment of some people here makes conversation impossible if they wish it that way.
> 
> William



Correct me if I'm wong foo, but aren't YOU allowed to say anything YOU want.... too? 

OMG! See??? YOU'RE SPESHUL TOO!!


one of us... one of us.... one of us...


----------



## William

Hi 

Mossy I post all over also and I do not resort to trolling behavior in response to ideas that I do not like. I like to have fun as much as anyone, but......

What is enjoyable about having hundreds of nonsense posts block any chance of conversation? What is benefited from this activity other than pushing people on the fringe of the Dimensions community to the side?

William




mossystate said:


> William...sometimes, you need to chuckle a little...lighten up...enjoy yourself.
> 
> Look around and actually SEE how most of the people you think are so horrible, actually participate all over this board. They put out, for all to see... laughter...tears...concern...joy...sarcasm...anger...smarts...bad moods...good moods...^5ing recipes...etc..etc.. And, they are not just doing that with their ' cliques '.*w*
> 
> Seems you want to beat the heck out of one drum, a drum that simply does not exist, not as you present it. There are always plenty of people who come running..walking...rolling...to those who are in need, in many ways. You just refuse to see it. Yes, refuse.
> ---
> 
> 
> To the people reading this who are a little shy to jump in....please do...jump. Ack, now I have the image of David Lee Roth in spandex, floating around my brain.


----------



## William

If I was to continue then the flood gate of trolling activity would open because that kind of behavior is allowable for some people here.

William





SamanthaNY said:


> Correct me if I'm wong foo, but aren't YOU allowed to say anything YOU want.... too?
> 
> OMG! See??? YOU'RE SPESHUL TOO!!
> 
> 
> one of us... one of us.... one of us...


----------



## Mathias

William said:


> Hi
> 
> Mossy I post all over also and I do not resort to trolling behavior in response to ideas that I do not like. I like to have fun as much as anyone, but......
> 
> What is enjoyable about having hundreds of nonsense posts block any chance of conversation? What is benefited from this activity other than pushing people on the fringe of the Dimensions community to the side?
> 
> William



I think it's funny. I tend to not jump in when that happens, but it makes me laugh What's wrong with a little nonsense once in a while?


----------



## William

Hey 

They could do something crazy like talk back instead of attacking with trolling behavior that does nothing more than let some groups of people see how little they are a part of this community. 

I really have to go, I have a early day tomorrow, 

If I have done anything tonight I hope that I have reminded people of how things stand here on Dimensions and how little their points of view means if certain people here do not approve of it.

William 




MattS19 said:


> It's not against the rules. And it's being done because people are so frustrated with your posts. Can you not see that?


----------



## thatgirl08

If it's so unbearable..why are you still here?

I'm not saying this site is perfect..but I think the positives outweigh the negatives by far. But if they don't for you, why stick around?


----------



## JiminOR

I'm sorry that you feel this way. Sorry I'm having a good time with my e-buddies, sorry that you feel excluded, I'm just posting what I want to post, I'm a fat jolly guy, I tend to post fat jolly posts. I'm going to continue to post in that way. In my mind I'm not excluding anybody, but over time you get to know some folks, and some folks you just like more than others, it's that way on the internet, it's that way in real life. So I respond more to the people I feel closer to than the ones I don't. Everybody does.

William, you've been here a lot longer than I have, and I've read many of your posts in my few months here, and I've always respected your opinion. I'm sure most of us do, and I've never seen anybody trying to exclude you, or troll your posts. Maybe I'm just not seeing it, and maybe you consider the last page or 2 as trolling against you. I can only speak for myself personally, I was just having fun, I wasn't trying to harm you in any way, I was just hoping that you could see that I had my tongue planted firmly in my cheek, and laugh along with the rest of us.

In response to goodthings, I've posted pictures before, didn't get any response. Most of my posts don't get any response. Most of everybodys posts don't get any response, as do most pictures posted. It takes time for people to get to know you, and to respond you. You'll make friends here, you probably already have a few. 

In fact, the last time I posted a picture I was really surprised at the amount of attention I got. It was the first time that I had gotten any attention for a pic (besides my profile pic) and it was all positive. Give it some time, people will get to know you, and will respond positively if you're mostly positive.

Can't we all just get along?


----------



## Mathias

William said:


> Hey
> 
> They could do something crazy like talk back instead of attacking with trolling behavior that does nothing more than let some groups of people see how little they are a part of this community.
> 
> I really have to go, I have a early day tomorrow,
> 
> If I have done anything tonight I hope that I have reminded people of how things stand here on Dimensions and how little their points of view means if certain people here do not approve of it.
> 
> William



What are you doing here then? People aren't going to be swayed by one person's bad time. How do you know it will automatically be the same experience for them? You're making a broad generalization here.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

CleverBomb said:


> Oh, and posting pictures of desserts helps, sometimes.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> -Rusty



You are absolutely BEGGING for more of my shameless, hussy-like flirting, aren't you? :batting: 



Santaclear said:


> The cliques are more based around likes of different desserts than anything else.



Not all big..........cheesecakes are created equal. That's just how the cookie crumbles.......



jnp782 said:


> It does seem kind of "cliquey" on the Dimensions Forum. I recently joined and have reached out to a few people and posted once or twice. It seems that everyone is going to the NJ Bash and if you aren't going, then there's no reason to even contact anyone. I plan on attending the Bash at a later date, but until then I'd like to mingle here just as much as the next person. Other than that, the site does have alot of good points.



I have never been to a bash....lots of posters here have not......just pointing it out  
I like seeing the bash pictures- I just get jealous when I can't go 




BothGunsBlazing said:


> I think there needs to be a new poll option.
> 
> Am very whiny. People do not put up with it. Need coddles.



:bow:



SamanthaNY said:


> Continuing to harp on something that you personally object to has no positive effect, and in fact only serves to make the complainer seem angrier, and their posts continually negative and bitter, as if trying to drag others down. It doesn't make the person very approachable, confuses people who don't know what they're talking about, and invites negative responses from those that do. Once you go through the proper channels with a complaint, you'd do well to just move on with what you enjoy here, and ignore the stuff you don't... cuz it's the only game in town.



But, but, but......people have the right to whine....and whine....and whine.....in thread....after thread....after thread.........
we are all here to listen to that day....after day..........after day........

People are NOT here to have fun.....or like each other.......or say nice things to each....or dare to not agree with something we think is the figment of a spoiled man-child's imagination.......



Victim said:


> Maybe we should form a self abuse/deprecation clique where all we do is whine about what we CAN'T do instead of just doing things.
> 
> Nobody really gives a crap about what I say, but that doesn't stop me from saying it.



:bow:




Victim said:


> Hey! We already had some cheese, look who's brought the whine!





Victim said:


> Then go ahead and express yourself already and quit complaining that you can't.


Whining seems to be the only form of expression some people around here know....and I ain't talking about the "special people" either.....:doh:



BothGunsBlazing said:


> When you act more like a Victim than some one named Victim, you know you've got issues.
> 
> 
> 
> It'd be fine if everything he said wasn't totally unfounded.



Please refer back to what I said about a bratty man-child's imagination.....they are born victims...... 




thatgirl08 said:


> If it's so unbearable..why are you still here?
> 
> I'm not saying this site is perfect..but I think the positives outweigh the negatives by far. But if they don't for you, why stick around?







MattS19 said:


> What are you doing here then? People aren't going to be swayed by one person's bad time. How do you know it will automatically be the same experience for them? You're making a broad generalization here.



Oh the logic.........but logic is not part of the "Whiny People Clique" dialogue.....


----------



## Spanky

Thanks for the cheesekake break, GEF. 


Here is a needed Paul Simon interlude. I was scared this thread was going to slip slide away. 

Slip Sliding Away


----------



## William

Hi 

I stay around because to me the different threads and different boards each have a different feel to them and most are pf them are great. If I thought Dimensions was a lost cause, I would not be here.

What I do like about Dimensions is that it has always had more free speech than any of the "Real" Fat Acceptance areas. This Trolling activity by a few people goes against all that.

William





thatgirl08 said:


> If it's so unbearable..why are you still here?
> 
> I'm not saying this site is perfect..but I think the positives outweigh the negatives by far. But if they don't for you, why stick around?


----------



## William

Hi Matt

I am taking about threads where several people were posting and then several hundred silly off topic posts were allowed to end the threads because certain people are "Special" and are allowed to do anything around here.

William




MattS19 said:


> What are you doing here then? People aren't going to be swayed by one person's bad time. How do you know it will automatically be the same experience for them? You're making a broad generalization here.


----------



## SamanthaNY

Could you be more hypocritical, William? The very same "trolling" you moan about is _exactly. _what. _you. _do. - constantly complaining about certain others, constantly bringing up off-point topics (actually, just that one), berating those in charge because you don't like how this place is run. That is you. Are you even capable of understanding that? Your rigidity and inability to let things go turns you into the very same troll, and brings on the very actions from others that you so dislike. Every time.

No board rules are being broken - and you are allowed the very same freedom as the people you resent. And you take advantage of that freedom, because YOU are displaying identical behavior. But you take it a step further my claiming superiority over people who do _exactly as you do_. Hypocrite! 

I know this part won't mean much - but I wish you could lighten up. Do you ever laugh? Are you capable of understanding humor? Of displaying it? You'd enjoy yourself much more, and you'd certainly make the lives of those around you more enjoyable. Especially here.


----------



## mergirl

aspergers syndrom maby??. I dont actually mean that as a joke.. I'm being serious!! Some people find it difficult to display or "get" certain humour..
and some people are just baws, of course.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

SamanthaNY said:


> Special person talking her SPECIAL NONSENSE



Okay, not really.  I do agree with much of what you've said. Also, your avatar .. I've seen that cat before! We are at war. 

Actually, I take it back. This cat is effin' crazy.











mergirl said:


> aspergers syndrom maby??. I dont actually mean that as a joke.. I'm being serious!! Some people find it difficult to display or "get" certain humour..
> and some people are just baws, of course.



Ohh, that is a slippery slope.


----------



## mergirl

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Ohh, that is a slippery slope.



Tis Tis.. but a slippery valid point none the less..
Not that i'm saying everyone with no sense of humour has autism. Just saying..its a possibility..
More fighting cats please!!


----------



## William

Hi Samantha

I laugh a lot and I do post links here if things that I find humorous. 

I am here complaining because the special people here will simple post hundreds of silly troll posts if a conversation of a subject that they do not approve of. These are not merely off topic posts, they are meant to derail conversations that they do not approve of. I do not think that people who derail threads are trying to be humorous.

If they are allow to post anything they want them why are you questioning my complaining about them? I am not breaking any rules and you say that they are not breaking any rules then we can just let this go on forever.

I personally think that there are better options for us.

William





SamanthaNY said:


> Could you be more hypocritical, William? The very same "trolling" you moan about is _exactly. _what. _you. _do. - constantly complaining about certain others, constantly bringing up off-point topics (actually, just that one), berating those in charge because you don't like how this place is run. That is you. Are you even capable of understanding that? Your rigidity and inability to let things go turns you into the very same troll, and brings on the very actions from others that you so dislike. Every time.
> 
> No board rules are being broken - and you are allowed the very same freedom as the people you resent. And you take advantage of that freedom, because YOU are displaying identical behavior. But you take it a step further my claiming superiority over people who do _exactly as you do_. Hypocrite!
> 
> I just want to clearify one thing you said, I have never trolled other people's conversations here. I have never posted hundreds of posts just to derail a conversation here
> 
> I know this part won't mean much - but I wish you could lighten up. Do you ever laugh? Are you capable of understanding humor? Of displaying it? You'd enjoy yourself much more, and you'd certainly make the lives of those around you more enjoyable. Especially here.


----------



## pinkylou

Im not a "special person", but William, you're coming across as a party pooper, sorry


----------



## Tina

William said:


> If I have done anything tonight I hope that I have reminded people of how things stand here on Dimensions and how little their points of view means if certain people here do not approve of it.


No, you haven't done that. You haven't proven anything except that you seem to find some sort of pay off in playing the martyr. All I can say to that is the lovely, oft-turned phrase: Get off the cross, we need the wood!


Seth Warren said:


> May I recommend The Cheesecake Factory, instead?


That'll work, too, Seth!


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Tina said:


> we need the wood!



Now you've done it. After reading this post, the paysite forum will officially get it's most views ever.


----------



## Mathias

William said:


> Hi Matt
> 
> I am taking about threads where several people were posting and then several hundred silly off topic posts were allowed to end the threads because certain people are "Special" and are allowed to do anything around here.
> 
> William



You're the one being off topic here by bringing up other threads and posts you don't approve of. _You're_ the one doing exactly what you claim to be speaking out against.


----------



## mergirl

hmm.. i think william seems polite and i like him. I like the way he answers your posts with your name and signs off with his! Good manners are hard to find these days.. I dont generally read what is said between though so i have no idea whether it would make you hard or not.
yours n word cuntingly mergirl x


----------



## Tina

Sicilia_Curves said:


> I feel out of place because I always get in trouble for word usage and sometimes things on my comps when I post in the model website area. I know its nothing personal and I'm not getting singled out or picked on, it's just I always have to "walk on eggshells" before I post anything and that is somewhat uncomfortable.


Go read the rules on the paysite board and that will help. They're pretty straight forward and it will help to cut down on you feeling you have to walk on egg shells. The rules are pretty straight forward, and the things that most of the women get hit on are keeping paysite links in their sigs when they're posting outside of the paysite board, posting photos with paysite names and urls when posting outside of the paysite board and showing pink/nipple/labia. Avoid those things and you'll generally be fine.


----------



## JiminOR

I thought about what I posted last night, the apology, and you know what, I'm gonna take it back. There was nothing wrong with anything that was posted in this thread yesterday before certain folks decided to start whining about it. We're not trying to derail a topic, we're responding to certain posts. The very next post could very well put the thread back on topic, these 'special posters' certainly aren't going to be able to do anything about that if you happen to be the next poster. Except that I totally invented a machine that let's me control your posts, so I can totally derail a thread at will.

If you have a problem with the humorous exchange that happened yesterday before you started your whining, that's on you. We're here to communicate and have a good time while doing it. Not my problem if you can't appreciate it.


----------



## bexy

I felt bad as it was me who "derailed" the post so to speak.
But I wasn't aware of any hard and fast rules about keeping threads on topic...


----------



## mergirl

You know.. think posts that go on for 25 pages NEED to be a bit derailed!!! 
And i dont see why not..
Maby we need to get in special de-railment police..


----------



## Allie Cat

Beware of thread hijackers!


----------



## KHayes666

I felt out of place last week when i walked into Hot Topic wearing a white shirt and beighe khaki pants......they all looked at me funny.

Epic fail lol


----------



## mossystate

William


Could you go work your magic in the thread here on the Main board, which is talking about an offensive commercial?

The geeks seem to have left a trail of pocket protectors. I will be back to ask for your help in getting other threads back on track. I know you are a concerned Dimmer.



Monique/ Mossystate


----------



## KHayes666

mossystate said:


> William
> 
> 
> Could you go work your magic in the thread here on the Main board, which is talking about an offensive commercial?
> 
> The geeks seem to have left a trail of pocket protectors. I will be back to ask for your help in getting other threads back on track. I know you are a concerned Dimmer.
> 
> 
> 
> Monique/ Mossystate



I have a really really short attention span, what did I miss? Who is William?


----------



## pagan22

goodthings said:


> the last few posts actually make my point.
> I have posted quite a bit and put up photos that have been ignored which is brutal have also tried the chat room where it was very unwelcoming by more than one of the locals. I find it interesting that many must come here looking for community and acceptance only to be ignored here as well which to me is worse than the so called mainstreams rejections



I tried the chatroom thing and ran into the same thing as well as with photos. 

Always better to be a lone wolf.


----------



## Victim

Investing in a community is like investing your money. You aren't going to see any significant gains immediately, but it is still worth doing for the eventual returns.

I'm new to the chat, yet I say whatever I want when I feel like it. Most of it goes unnoticed, but now that I've stuck around a while there are some people on chat that say hi and take an interest in what I have to say.

I don't think I fit in that well here either. I'm a BHM, and yes, we are a bit marginalized on here. I'm also married. People are more likely to want to talk to people they can connect with, especially in chat. I'm 40, which is a bit older than most of the people on here, particularly the FFAs. I'm also a bit under the ideal weight for those that DO like fat men.

None of this stops me from voicing my opinions, cracking jokes, writing stories, or otherwise participating in life on here. I'm not going to waste every other post whining about how nobody wants to hear what I have to say. I'm just going to say it and those that don't want to see it can just scroll on.


----------



## SamanthaNY

pagan22 said:


> I tried the chatroom thing and ran into the same thing as well as with photos.
> 
> Always better to be a lone wolf.


Aren't you the guy who said to people here that all fat women with visible tattoos are "trashy"? (yes, I know - opinion)

And you're now remarking that those same people are unwelcoming. 

I just wanted to get that straight, ya know, as long as we're labeling people.



Victim said:


> I'm new to the chat, yet I say whatever I want when I feel like it. Most of it goes unnoticed, but now that I've stuck around a while there are some people on chat that say hi and take an interest in what I have to say.



Hey, I noticed you, lol. (remember?)

*snort*


----------



## No-No-Badkitty

goodthings said:


> the last few posts actually make my point.
> I have posted quite a bit and put up photos that have been ignored which is brutal have also tried the chat room where it was very unwelcoming by more than one of the locals. I find it interesting that many must come here looking forcommunity and acceptance only to be ignored here as well which to me is worse than the so called mainstreams rejections




I think sometimes you have to realize that you are dealing with a HUGE board here. Sometimes things are over looked. I don't think people are ignoring you to be brutal. It's just that if everyone responded to every single picture/post made we'd never get any sleep.
Also, sorry to hear that your chatroom experience was bad. With the age of the internet, sometimes what we say and what we mean are confused....and when you are in a room and "joking" or online and being coy, the message can be lost and the entire meaning scrambled.
I say, give it all a try again. Hold your head up. And if you see someone you recognize grab them by the "arm" and say, hey, remember me from the board how are ya?? 
Hell, just kick me in the shin, I have a motor mouth and will be more than happy to talk with ya


----------



## JiminOR

Victim said:


> I'm not going to waste every other post whining about how nobody wants to hear what I have to say. I'm just going to say it and those that don't want to see it can just scroll on.


 
Damn straight! To those of you that feel ignored, do you actually realize how many posters and posts there are? There is just so much stuff on here, and it's all not going to get the amount of attention it deserves, and some of it is going to get more attention than it deserves. 

You know, in truth, we all feel a bit ignored sometimes, I make plenty of posts that I think are really great, and I'm sure people will respond and give me tons of compliments and rep, and -nothing- 

It happens to every single one of us. You're not being actively ignored, I'm not being actively ignored, but there's only so much attention to go around.


----------



## SamanthaNY

JiminOR said:


> I'm not being actively ignored



Huh? Who are you again? did you say something?


----------



## JiminOR

Boo hoo, woe is me, you made my pussy ache! How come you don't realize I'm a special snowflake who needs all your attention? LOVE ME!!!!!!!


----------



## No-No-Badkitty

JiminOR said:


> Boo hoo, woe is me, you made my pussy ache! How come you don't realize I'm a special snowflake who needs all your attention? LOVE ME!!!!!!!



Mmmmmm snowflakes are tastey....


----------



## mossystate

pagan22 said:


> I tried the chatroom thing and ran into the same thing as well as with photos.
> 
> Always better to be a lone wolf.



How many times have you tried the ' chatroom thing '. I would suggest trying chat when it is not super busy, but when there is actual conversation. Sometimes, people are really into the conversation they are having and might not notice someone saying hi. You are making a real attempt...I assume.

Do you think that the chatters you say are ignoring you did not have to start right where you start? Do you think they were hatched as accepted and liked by at least a couple of people? Nope. 

As for the photo situation, it is always a gamble. People might just not think to comment. Others will comment on pictures of people they find attractive. Some don't hang out much on the picture showing threads...etc..etc.. In a more perfect world, at least one comment would find its way to people... especially first timers. Is one comment enough? Try and try again. Don't make it so wrapped up in reactions from others...that's where disappointment lives, and maybe a whine or two.



*eta...people from Oregon should learn to be silent...for the good of this site


----------



## JiminOR

mossystate said:


> *eta...people from Oregon should learn to be silent...for the good of this site


 
Yeah, I know, I spread it on a bit thick there. Sometimes I'm not so much a special snowflake as much as just special ed and a flake. :blush:


----------



## Victim

Just who is your pussy aching FOR anyway?


----------



## JiminOR

Wouldn't you like to know? 

Actually, it's just a phrase that my drill instructor used quite a bit whenver someone would start whining. It's best said in that loud booming R. Lee Ermey voice.


----------



## KHayes666

pagan22 said:


> I tried the chatroom thing and ran into the same thing as well as with photos.
> 
> Always better to be a lone wolf.



Don't feel bad about the chatroom, I got a lifetime ban from there lol.

The photos are a crapshoot though, not everyone will see them.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

JiminOR said:


> Yeah, I know, I spread it on a bit thick there. Sometimes I'm not so much a special snowflake as much as just special ed and a flake. :blush:



But.........is it a BIG snowflake? :batting:  




Victim said:


> Just who is your pussy aching FOR anyway?



Is it wrong of me to get all giggly when men talk this way? :blush:


I have heard that "pussy ache" insult before...can't remember where but one night a guy in a yahoo chess lounge pissed me off when he wouldn't quit whining about me booting him off my chess table. I eventually asked him if his pussy ached....... it didn't go over well 


My rep debt is on the high end again gentleman......:bow: 

View attachment William whines.JPG


View attachment pussy aches.JPG


----------



## SamanthaNY




----------



## Blackjack

SamanthaNY said:


>



Right click --> Save As...


----------



## stan_der_man

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but palm trees have always been considered the stereotypic symbol of "the tropics". Do people realize what filthy rat and mouse infested things they really are!? Just recently, for the third time in the last couple of years, we had an exterminator visit my place of work and remove another hive of killer bees from one of those stinking palms up by the administration building. Whenever the wind blows, jagged dropping filled frowns go flying everywhere! These damned trees don't even provide any real shade! Palms make eucalyptus trees and mid-elevation oaks look useful. Jeez, don't even get me started about those little punk squirrels that throw nuts down upon you from those stinking oak trees around campus! I so hate that!


----------



## Victim

I have had squirrels throw pine cones at me and then LAUGH. No kidding, they can actually laugh...


----------



## B68

No matter how wise we are, we all secretly hope for a warm welcome. Flowers in the air, drinks are being send your way, a beautiful BBW comes over and sits on your lap and says 'hello stranger, tell me all about yourself'... 

Hmmm... reality sucks... Nope, it doesn't. I got some welcom welcomes.

But to be accepted you indeed have to put some effort in it. Some good efforts will simply be missed by some. Some efforts will be completely missunderstood because they don't feel what you feel when chatting or typing. And some will be ignored by people who have been here much longer and have done more in SA than newbees can ever catch up with. 

That's the way it works. Prove your words mean something. Show your face at a bash. Do something publicly thats shows you stand up for what you say. It all matters. And be patient. And don't ever expect people who're allready in a conversation to pause and let you in when you're a stranger. That goes for life life and online life.

When i was into pubs it took me months (and some beers) to become noticed by the lot in my favorit pub. Only years later, me, the bartenders and some incrowd became friends and i was one of the few that 'had' to stick after closingtime. Yep, i know, but back then i was happy with it

And even when you meet someone eye to eye in a date, it takes months/years before you can say you got a real clue about the other person. 

This forum is no exception. This one is big and has a name and even foreigners like myself find their way to dimensions. 

I think Dimensions earned its' name and it's up to the newbees to live up to the standards set. Keep trying and invest instead of just seeking a place to make your desires come true. 

And i don't attack anyone's view. I'm just making a general comment.


----------



## Ruby Ripples

B68 said:


> No matter how wise we are, we all secretly hope for a warm welcome. Flowers in the air, drinks are being send your way, a beautiful BBW comes over and sits on your lap and says 'hello stranger, tell me all about yourself'...
> 
> Hmmm... reality sucks... Nope, it doesn't. I got some welcom welcomes.
> 
> But to be accepted you indeed have to put some effort in it. Some good efforts will simply be missed by some. Some efforts will be completely missunderstood because they don't feel what you feel when chatting or typing. And some will be ignored by people who have been here much longer and have done more in SA than newbees can ever catch up with.
> 
> That's the way it works. Prove your words mean something. Show your face at a bash. Do something publicly thats shows you stand up for what you say. It all matters. And be patient. And don't ever expect people who're allready in a conversation to pause and let you in when you're a stranger. That goes for life life and online life.
> 
> When i was into pubs it took me months (and some beers) to become noticed by the lot in my favorit pub. Only years later, me, the bartenders and some incrowd became friends and i was one of the few that 'had' to stick after closingtime. Yep, i know, but back then i was happy with it
> 
> And even when you meet someone eye to eye in a date, it takes months/years before you can say you got a real clue about the other person.
> 
> This forum is no exception. This one is big and has a name and even foreigners like myself find their way to dimensions.
> 
> I think Dimensions earned its' name and it's up to the newbees to live up to the standards set. Keep trying and invest instead of just seeking a place to make your desires come true.
> 
> And i don't attack anyone's view. I'm just making a general comment.



I think that is an excellent post, and i so agree with all of it. You only get out of a situation, what you are willing to put in.


----------



## Babyface

I haven't read this entire thread, but I did see the poll. I answered "other", mostly because of my discomfort with something that is clearly woven into the subtle threads of Dimensions - and was really one of the first differences of opinion I had with Conrad, 14 years ago. I'm anti-feeder, and I do not find weight gain erotic.

This isn't said to be belligerent or confrontational, but to be completely honest, it's one of the things that has caused me not to be very driven to be a regular on here.

Before people get all up in arms, I know it's not everywhere on the boards, etc etc - some of this is in my own head, I know. I'm just relating my thoughts on the matter.


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## No-No-Badkitty

Babyface said:


> I haven't read this entire thread, but I did see the poll. I answered "other", mostly because of my discomfort with something that is clearly woven into the subtle threads of Dimensions - and was really one of the first differences of opinion I had with Conrad, 14 years ago. I'm anti-feeder, and I do not find weight gain erotic..




Well, I'm not into the whole feeder scene either...so i can understand. Still there is enough of this board, enough going on, and enough conversation that finding something interesting without that aspect is done every day. I enjoy the other dozen or more aspects of the FA, BBW, BHM, and SS community without that aspect. Because there IS more to being fat than just eating.


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## Deven

I wasn't sure if it's okay to drudge up an old thread....but I felt the compulsion.

I feel out of place here because I feel almost as if I'm not quite the right size to be here. I'm 280 pounds, but I don't completely look it. It sucks because I also don't feel like I have a place out in what people call "normal" society, but I feel like I don't belong here either.


----------



## Shosh

DevenDoom said:


> I wasn't sure if it's okay to drudge up an old thread....but I felt the compulsion.
> 
> I feel out of place here because I feel almost as if I'm not quite the right size to be here. I'm 280 pounds, but I don't completely look it. It sucks because I also don't feel like I have a place out in what people call "normal" society, but I feel like I don't belong here either.




Mate I am 180 pounds. I used to be 300 pounds for a very long time.

Please don't get stuck on the numbers on the scale in terms of being here.
Dimensions is a place where people of size, and their admirers and supporters can come to interact and give each other a shoulder to lean on.

A am a fat girl. Always will be. I just weigh less now. But I belong here, and so do you.
We have to find our own sense of self esteem and self worth. You do belong wherever your feet take you. Have love for yourself because you were put here on earth for your own unique special purpose.
There is only one of you.


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## Shosh

The only way in which I feel out of place at Dimensions is that I am not a cat lover. I am a dog girl.:bow:


----------



## No-No-Badkitty

Susannah said:


> The only way in which I feel out of place at Dimensions is that I am not a cat lover. I am a dog girl.:bow:




I'm a dog girl too 
So...you are not alone


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## KendraLee

DevenDoom said:


> I wasn't sure if it's okay to drudge up an old thread....but I felt the compulsion.
> 
> I feel out of place here because I feel almost as if I'm not quite the right size to be here. I'm 280 pounds, but I don't completely look it. It sucks because I also don't feel like I have a place out in what people call "normal" society, but I feel like I don't belong here either.



I know how you feel. I'm 285 and have recently been made to feel like I wasnt big enough for some of the people here. Its really silly and hurtful for others to think that way for a number of reasons, 1. They are being just as judgemental and non inclusive as skinny people and that bothers me cause I tend to hold fat people on a pedestal by thinking that we are more caring and understanding cause we've been through a lot of ridicule in life and 2. just because I am smaller than some here doesnt mean I haven't had the same ridicule or endured the same obstacles my entire life. I'd been teased by kids, had a parent try to control what I eat and make me exercise in front of him, I've had to endure yearly weigh ins in front of the others kids in school and dread the yearly physical fitness exams required in gym, I've had people yell at me out of car windows to loose weight and I've had to get off the roller coaster at an amusement park. So just because the pounds on the scale are less than some of those here doesnt mean my experiences have been any different or that I don't belong here. I may not be AS fat but I am a natural fatty and what I mean by that is I've been fat my entire life, the last time I was normal weight was when my mother gave birth to me. I have never been thin and no diet in the world has made me thin. This is my body and I've grown love it and feel comfortable in it. I started that process of acceptance years ago and Dims and some of the wonderful people on here helped me even further. Not everyone will judge you, I certainly don't. Hey it may actually be kind of fun to be able to think for once " I'm the skinny one"

Don't let anyone make you feel inadequate just look at it as another obstacle to make you stronger


----------



## KendraLee

Susannah said:


> The only way in which I feel out of place at Dimensions is that I am not a cat lover. I am a dog girl.:bow:



Susannah, You dont like cats? I'm devastated


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## kayrae

Girl, I'm 235 lbs. There are girls here who are 97 lbs and they're being welcomed as well.


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## B68

And an FA reply. My first (real) girlfriend was 285 too and as a true FA i never thought anything was wrong with her weight.


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## interesting monster

I tend to feel very "outside" here on the boards, but I just don't have the wherewithal to post more regularly and insinuate myself here. I'll find that there is an interesting thread that I might want to reply to and then it turns into one long in joke with many "me too" replies. I don't feel right dropping into such a discussion, as I have no idea what is being said.


----------



## B68

interesting monster said:


> I tend to feel very "outside" here on the boards, but I just don't have the wherewithal to post more regularly and insinuate myself here. I'll find that there is an interesting thread that I might want to reply to and then it turns into one long in joke with many "me too" replies. I don't feel right dropping into such a discussion, as I have no idea what is being said.



It isn't allways the intellectual quality of a reply that counts. The amount of 'me too' replies can contribute as well. It's like voting.


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## interesting monster

B68 said:


> It isn't allways the intellectual quality of a reply that counts. The amount of 'me too' replies can contribute as well. It's like voting.



yes, like voting. I, too, feel it could be that...
:happy:


----------



## Sanderson

I found out about Dimensions about 6 years ago by my first FA. So I have come here for years just to read different threads and became comfortable with my body. I became a web model over a year ago. As the rule states models should become involved in the Dimensions community and not just post for their pay sites. Well I have tried several times to become "involved" and get to know the people here in several threads. I feel like it's a clique because it seems no matter what I contribute in any thread... it's like I'm not even here. It's the same people posting and talking around me. I really feel like I'm sitting in a corner all alone. So I just quit coming here and trying to become "one of the gals." The only time I do feel welcomed here is when I post something for my site ... which is sad because I really wanted to become more apart of the Dimensions community.


----------



## Adamantoise

SSBBW_Valerie said:


> The only time I do feel welcomed here is when I post something for my site ... which is sad because I really wanted to become more apart of the Dimensions community.



That is sad,Valerie-I'm sorry you feel this way.... 

I feel the same way sometimes-like what I say goes way over peoples' heads...


----------



## Shosh

SSBBW_Valerie said:


> I found out about Dimensions about 6 years ago by my first FA. So I have come here for years just to read different threads and became comfortable with my body. I became a web model over a year ago. As the rule states models should become involved in the Dimensions community and not just post for their pay sites. Well I have tried several times to become "involved" and get to know the people here in several threads. I feel like it's a clique because it seems no matter what I contribute in any thread... it's like I'm not even here. It's the same people posting and talking around me. I really feel like I'm sitting in a corner all alone. So I just quit coming here and trying to become "one of the gals." The only time I do feel welcomed here is when I post something for my site ... which is sad because I really wanted to become more apart of the Dimensions community.



Hi Valerie,

Keep coming back and posting. There are many good people here who would appreciate your contributions.
I think keeping at it is key.


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## mossystate

Unless people are obvious trolls, or they come here solely to cause trouble, everyone is ' included '. It is up to the people who want to be seen and heard, beyond reactions to pictures posted...jokes told...whatever...to do the bulk of the work to get people to enjoy them.

Lots of people post here. As in ' real life ', people are drawn to those they are drawn to...that is not about cliques, any more than having a tight group of good friends in real life means one is being somehow sinister and excluding others. Also, if any of us have a few people who really like and enjoy us...isn't that something to cherish, and just go about participating in however manner we want?

People who mostly post pics wanting more attention for other posts...people who don't post many pics and get sad because they are not getting enough attention when they do post pictures. It's life. Post what you want to post.


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## Green Eyed Fairy

I suppose I just "voted" for Mossystate......

and I weigh 280 myself. 

View attachment Mossystate.JPG


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## KendraLee

SSBBW_Valerie said:


> I found out about Dimensions about 6 years ago by my first FA. So I have come here for years just to read different threads and became comfortable with my body. I became a web model over a year ago. As the rule states models should become involved in the Dimensions community and not just post for their pay sites. Well I have tried several times to become "involved" and get to know the people here in several threads. I feel like it's a clique because it seems no matter what I contribute in any thread... it's like I'm not even here. It's the same people posting and talking around me. I really feel like I'm sitting in a corner all alone. So I just quit coming here and trying to become "one of the gals." The only time I do feel welcomed here is when I post something for my site ... which is sad because I really wanted to become more apart of the Dimensions community.



Valerie you should just post and not worry about who is or isnt responding. I've felt that way numerous times but I really am starting to know people and make friends and I've only been here since april. Mossystate really is right when she says its like real life and people get drawn to certain people, it just takes longer to get to know everyone and for them to start recognizing you from your posts. You've been here since 06 and show 53 posts so just post when and where you have something to say. I've found taking the initiative is the only way to get over that hump


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## steely

Sometimes people get you and sometimes they don't.I made a joke the other day and I'm afraid it was completely misunderstood.I guess that's the risks you take.All you can do is post and see what happens.A lot of times I just post to be barking in the dark.:happy:


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## JoyJoy

I've been a member here for a long time (10 years) and I still feel out of place or invisible sometimes....actually quite a bit. But I'm a stubborn old bitch and stick around for some reason.

When we take time to share our thoughts, we're often seeking some kind of validation and if we don't get it the way we expect, we think no one is paying attention or people don't want us here. In actuality, there are likely lots of people reading what we say and not commenting....but noticing. So, like others have said, if you feel the urge to post something, just do it and don't worry about if anyone's going to respond, or if you belong, or if people like you. If you're respectful to others and have a genuine desire to participate in the community in some way, it takes perseverance, a thick skin at times, and the ability to type semi-coherent sentences. Oh, and a decent sense of humor helps a lot, too.


----------



## kayrae

i've only been on dims for 2 months. At first I felt excluded because of all the reasons that have already been stated, but I've gotten over that because I don't expect to always be noticed. Whenever I see a comment that makes me laugh, I instant message that person because I want to get to know them better. And I also frequent the same threads so I'm familiar with the people who post there. Just keep posting.


----------



## interesting monster

me too .


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## JoyJoy

interesting monster said:


> me too .


 I think you should definitely post more, Sir. I've often wondered why you didn't.


----------



## interesting monster

JoyJoy said:


> I think you should definitely post more, Sir. I've often wondered why you didn't.



quality before quantity, I always say... although that halfway goes against the FA ethos. 

Thinking about it, I do suppose there is way to have both.

Perhaps I can make up my lack of posts by posting about how I don't post that much. Oy, the irony.


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## steely

I agree with JoyJoy.It's very few people who do Bugs Bunny and Steely Dan.A winning combination in my book,interesting monster


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## interesting monster

steely said:


> I agree with JoyJoy.It's very few people who do Bugs Bunny and Steely Dan.A winning combination in my book,interesting monster



well thank you both! And I think that Buggs has more in common with Steely Dan than most people realize...


----------



## Sanderson

JoyJoy said:


> I've been a member here for a long time (10 years) and I still feel out of place or invisible sometimes....actually quite a bit. But I'm a stubborn old bitch and stick around for some reason.
> 
> When we take time to share our thoughts, we're often seeking some kind of validation and if we don't get it the way we expect, we think no one is paying attention or people don't want us here. In actuality, there are likely lots of people reading what we say and not commenting....but noticing. So, like others have said, if you feel the urge to post something, just do it and don't worry about if anyone's going to respond, or if you belong, or if people like you. If you're respectful to others and have a genuine desire to participate in the community in some way, it takes perseverance, a thick skin at times, and the ability to type semi-coherent sentences. Oh, and a decent sense of humor helps a lot, too.



Great post JoyJoy! The "stubborn old bitch" thing really got a good laugh out of me. 

I really agree with what you say here. I guess me being a Leo too I can be stubborn as hell and I'm out here saying "pay attention to me!!" LOL Other than that I'm just like every other person here, just trying to be friendly and add my 2 cents.


----------



## Les8

I do feel out of place here sometimes. I've only talked to a couple of people but I'm going to try and put more effort into making friends here because everyone seems nice


----------



## Adamantoise

Les8 said:


> I do feel out of place here sometimes. I've only talked to a couple of people but I'm going to try and put more effort into making friends here because everyone seems nice



That's good! I think I've made a few freinds here already,and the people I've interacted with are very freindly.


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## Ruffie

JoyJoy said:


> I've been a member here for a long time (10 years) and I still feel out of place or invisible sometimes....actually quite a bit. But I'm a stubborn old bitch and stick around for some reason.
> 
> .


I hear ya Joy! I am the same. I have over the ten plus years I have been involved with this community had some negative experiences. However I stick around for the positive people I have met and made friends with. And I will be damned if anyone is gonna drive me out of here! Thankfully the postive WAY out weigh the negative!
Ruth


----------



## Miss Vickie

Ruffie said:


> I hear ya Joy! I am the same. I have over the ten plus years I have been involved with this community had some negative experiences. However I stick around for the positive people I have met and made friends with. And I will be damned if anyone is gonna drive me out of here! Thankfully the postive WAY out weigh the negative!
> Ruth



Yeah same here. Sometimes I feel out of place or invisible. Hell I'm not a gorgeous paysite model and I'm not even fat anymore! What on earth am I still doing here? Well, the answer is that even though I don't face many of the external fat related problems, I still have some of the mental mind [email protected]#king that we do to ourselves as fat women.  I'm still passionate about size acceptance, more than ever in fact, since I now have the opportunity to speak out professionally for fat women.

Plus, I just really enjoy being here. I've made some lifelong friends and am enjoying getting to know new people as time goes on. 

But really? I'm just a stubborn old broad.


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## kayrae

I still can't believe you're nearing 2,000 posts. You are crazy



Adamantoise said:


> That's good! I think I've made a few freinds here already,and the people I've interacted with are very freindly.


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## stan_der_man

As for me, I'm just a crotchety old man who likes feeling out of place and having a forum in which I can further alienate myself.


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## Blockierer

JoyJoy said:


> I've been a member here for a long time (10 years) and I still feel out of place or invisible sometimes....actually quite a bit. But I'm a stubborn old bitch and stick around for some reason.
> ......



Same here. I guess some do not like me. But this is the only place in the whole www I feel accepted as an FA. So it doesn't matter if I feel sometimes ignored. I will stay here and continue writing silly things and posting pics.


----------



## stan_der_man

Blockierer said:


> Same here. I guess some do not like me. But this is the only place in the whole www I feel accepted as an FA. So it doesn't matter if I feel sometimes ignored. I will stay here and continue writing silly things and posting pics.



Blockierer, you are not as good looking as the women here, but for what it is worth I just wanted you to know that I'm not ignoring you.


Especially since you are a fellow member of the "I love fat chicks society"... That in and of itself makes you a likable guy as far as I'm concerned! :bow:


----------



## 1300 Class

> Political views: 11.46%


I'm shocked. I didn't think it was like that.


----------



## thatgirl08

I just read like a million replys and I don't feel like quoting everyone.. but I know a lot of people have mentioned cliques here.. and I definitely think that there are cliques. I'm relatively new here, and I certainly am not part of any of these cliques.. but in defense of them, I think that's a natural thing to happen when you have a community like this, especially for the people that meet in real life and attend the bashes and such. I like to believe that no one here is purposely excluding new people, it just sort of feels that way because cliques can be intimidating.


----------



## William

Just always post what is Politically Correct around here and you will be part of the clique in no time.

William




thatgirl08 said:


> I just read like a million replys and I don't feel like quoting everyone.. but I know a lot of people have mentioned cliques here.. and I definitely think that there are cliques. I'm relatively new here, and I certainly am not part of any of these cliques.. but in defense of them, I think that's a natural thing to happen when you have a community like this, especially for the people that meet in real life and attend the bashes and such. I like to believe that no one here is purposely excluding new people, it just sort of feels that way because cliques can be intimidating.


----------



## thatgirl08

William said:


> Just always post what is Politically Correct around here and you will be part of the clique in no time.
> 
> William



I really don't agree with that. I think it has a lot more to do with who goes to the events and bashes and who has been here longer, etc. I think everyone here is well aware I don't just agree with the common opinion and yet I've managed to make friends and start up conversations with most of the people here.. even with a lot of the people I had previously argued with in a thread. 

Even if a few people here or there don't like me for some of the things I said, I feel like most of the people here respect my opinion and my right to state it. I think a lot of people's problems integrating themselves into this community boil down to the fact that they need to actually put themselves out there, and post things that are worth reading, and stop being so negative and lurking around on this thread making a laundry list of the things they don't like about this community.

To me, the positives of Dims FAR outweigh the negatives. If that's not the case for you, move on. :]


----------



## Allie Cat

William said:


> Just always post what is Politically Correct around here and you will be part of the clique in no time.
> 
> William



You think? I'm never politically correct... actually, sometimes I go out of my way not to be. I think I'm accepted pretty well most of the time.


----------



## mossystate

Aaaaand, here goes another thread.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

William said:


> Just always post what is Politically Correct around here and you will be part of the clique in no time.
> 
> William



all your posts should be replaced with a filter that says WAAH WAAH

Because that is ALL you ever do around here.


----------



## JoyJoy

William said:


> Just always post what is Politically Correct around here and you will be part of the clique in no time.
> 
> William


Dude, have you read your signature lately?? Because it seems to me your mouth is pretty puckered. I, for one, wish you'd leave your sourness on your side of the keyboard....and no, it's not because you're a fat man.


----------



## Mathias

William said:


> Just always post what is Politically Correct around here and you will be part of the clique in no time.
> 
> William



There is no clique. It's just that some people may know each other from outside of this site so some of their jokes may convey that in their posts. You're complaining because you think it shouldn't be that way, but it happens everywhere.


----------



## loggamatt

Dimensions is a great thing to be part of while your welcome lasts... the problem is that there very much is an established clique on here and should you find yourself on the wrong side of them things start to get rather frosty!

It's natural though, there are cliques in most social groups, nothing particularly sinister or different about Dimensions.

Speaking personally, just because I don't feel comfortable enough to post much anymore doesn't mean that I don't still find Dimensions a useful and interesting resource. I still find it interesting reading about size acceptance issues so I just tend to lurk quietly in the corner now


----------



## KHayes666

I feel a wholeeeee lot better now


----------



## 1300 Class

> I really don't agree with that. I think it has a lot more to do with who goes to the events and bashes and who has been here longer, etc. I think everyone here is well aware I don't just agree with the common opinion and yet I've managed to make friends and start up conversations with most of the people here.. even with a lot of the people I had previously argued with in a thread.
> 
> Even if a few people here or there don't like me for some of the things I said, I feel like most of the people here respect my opinion and my right to state it. I think a lot of people's problems integrating themselves into this community boil down to the fact that they need to actually put themselves out there, and post things that are worth reading, and stop being so negative and lurking around on this thread making a laundry list of the things they don't like about this community.


I agree. 

I think there is definatly a "new" and "old" guard on the boards, between those who were active before the move to these boards and those who joined after (myself included, though I had looked over the old dims board regularly, the format and style put me off) and those who go to the conventions/parties/bashes or the male/female divide, are however just all natural things that can't be avoided. 

Dims is a great place to be and to post at. Whatever negatives there are, they are vastly out weighed by the positives that are here and provided by being here.


----------



## SamanthaNY

thatgirl08 said:


> I really don't agree with that. I think it has a lot more to do with who goes to the events and bashes and who has been here longer, etc. I think everyone here is well aware I don't just agree with the common opinion and yet I've managed to make friends and start up conversations with most of the people here.. even with a lot of the people I had previously argued with in a thread.
> 
> Even if a few people here or there don't like me for some of the things I said, I feel like most of the people here respect my opinion and my right to state it. I think a lot of people's problems integrating themselves into this community boil down to the fact that they need to actually put themselves out there, and post things that are worth reading, *and stop being so negative and lurking around on this thread making a laundry list of the things they don't like about this community.*
> 
> To me, the positives of Dims FAR outweigh the negatives. If that's not the case for you, move on. :]



Well aren't you the smart and observant one. And cute too!


----------



## thatgirl08

SamanthaNY said:


> Well aren't you the smart and observant one. And cute too!



Is this supposed to be sarcasm?


----------



## SamanthaNY

thatgirl08 said:


> Is this supposed to be sarcasm?



No! It was thanks for pointing out the thing I highlighted. 

And, a compliment. At which, I apparently suck.


----------



## prickly

SamanthaNY said:


> No! It was thanks for pointing out the thing I highlighted.
> 
> And, a compliment. At which, I apparently suck.



....nooooooo wayyyyyyyy! i for one love your compliments, especially the ones with fucknut in.


----------



## thatgirl08

SamanthaNY said:


> No! It was thanks for pointing out the thing I highlighted.
> 
> And, a compliment. At which, I apparently suck.



Oh, okay! Just checking! I honestly wasn't sure. Thanks then :]


----------



## SamanthaNY

prickly said:


> ....nooooooo wayyyyyyyy! i for one love your compliments, especially the ones with fucknut in.



Shup, fucknut!


----------



## William

Hi Dival

You may not always been PC, but you have never crossed one of the "Sacred Cow Subjects" around here. There is a lot of good stuff at Dimensions but to claim there are no cliques or "Party Lines" is not honest.

William



Divals said:


> You think? I'm never politically correct... actually, sometimes I go out of my way not to be. I think I'm accepted pretty well most of the time.


----------



## Shosh

William said:


> Hi Dival
> 
> You may not always been PC, but you have never crossed one of the "Sacred Cow Subjects" around here. There is a lot of good stuff at Dimensions but to claim there are no cliques or "Party Lines" is not honest.
> 
> William



Hi William,

Did you try messaging individual people that you may wish to chat with? I have found that works quite well, and you may feel like there is less of a group thing going on that way.

Susannah


----------



## William

Hi Joy

I am a Fat Guy, but that is not my problem around here. The problem is that I am a Fat Guy who disagrees with a lot of things said about and assumed about Fat Guys by other groups of people. It is kind of little like what society has always done to Fat People, define their existence.

William



JoyJoy said:


> Dude, have you read your signature lately?? Because it seems to me your mouth is pretty puckered. I, for one, wish you'd leave your sourness on your side of the keyboard....and no, it's not because you're a fat man.


----------



## William

Hi Susannah

If I have to "hid" comments behind PMs then what kind of place is this? Really I have never said anything negative, the negativity comes from the responses.

Most of the negative responses come from people who disaqgree with what I have said about comments and statements about Fat Men by other groups of people. 

Historically Fat Women here have felt free to comment on similar comments about Fat Women anywhere including things said on Dimensions. I do not remember any attacks like this because of it.

William




Susannah said:


> Hi William,
> 
> Did you try messaging individual people that you may wish to chat with? I have found that works quite well, and you may feel like there is less of a group thing going on that way.
> 
> Susannah


----------



## Shosh

William said:


> Hi Susannah
> 
> If I have to "hid" comments behind PMs then what kind of place is this? Really I have never said anything negative, the negativity comes from the responses.
> 
> Most of the negative responses come from people who disaqgree with what I have said about comments and statements about Fat Men by other groups of people.
> 
> Historically Fat Women here have felt free to comment on similar comments about Fat Women anywhere including things said on Dimensions. I do not remember any attacks like this because of it.
> 
> William



No what I meant was, that if you are feeling that there may be a bit of a clique here and that it was hard to break, that maybe you can chat via pm's with people.

Forgive me if I am misunderstanding what you are saying. Sorry.


----------



## BeaBea

Hi William,
in your first reply to Joy you said:


William said:


> The problem is that I am a Fat Guy who disagrees with a lot of things...



and to Susannah you said 


William said:


> I have never said anything negative, the negativity comes from the responses.



Maybe you feel that when you disagree with people you do it in a positive manner - and I do accept that that is possible to do that - but if all you ever receive is what you believe to be negativity in response why dont you change the way you address the disagreements? I'm setting aside any comment on the content of your arguments here, but if you really believe you have a positive message to spread then maybe looking at how you deliver it would achieve better results for you?

I can understand that its easy to believe that everything you ever post gets a negative response but is it possible the responsibility for that lies partly within your own hands - and is therefore easy to change? 

Just a thought
Tracey


----------



## Ichida

I personally am too shy to PM people most of the time. I don't want to intrude on them I guess...

There do seem to be cliques...most mostly just well established groups (to m e there is a difference in attitude). 

I have found that when other people posted networking threads they seemed to get a response whereas mine did not...so I suppose I am a little leery now.

Right now I have pretty much lost 7 of my closest friends in less than a few months - to be honest I am smarting too much to put myself out there and chance getting slapped down. Even a non response would sting at this point. I'd love to have more people to chat with, on msn or the boards or in real life, but just pming someone or butting into a group seems a little forward of me.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Ichida said:


> I'd love to have more people to chat with, on msn or the boards or in real life, but just pming someone or butting into a group seems a little forward of me.



I understand the apprehension about PMing, but don't be afraid to do it. Think of it this way. If you see something you'd consider a clique or a tight knit group on here, just consider how it got that way. The people you see whom are all buddy buddy saw that other person post on this forum and they decided, ya know what? I want to know this person better and they shot them a PM. Sometimes you've got to go out on a limb to get what you want. 

Sometimes getting burnt in life, makes our successes all the more sweet.


----------



## Ichida

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Sometimes getting burnt in life, makes our successes all the more sweet.



I'm in sales (b2b) jeez how true is that!


----------



## JoyJoy

BeaBea said:


> Hi William,
> in your first reply to Joy you said:
> 
> 
> and to Susannah you said
> 
> 
> Maybe you feel that when you disagree with people you do it in a positive manner - and I do accept that that is possible to do that - but if all you ever receive is what you believe to be negativity in response why dont you change the way you address the disagreements? I'm setting aside any comment on the content of your arguments here, but if you really believe you have a positive message to spread then maybe looking at how you deliver it would achieve better results for you?
> 
> I can understand that its easy to believe that everything you ever post gets a negative response but is it possible the responsibility for that lies partly within your own hands - and is therefore easy to change?
> 
> Just a thought
> Tracey





William said:


> Hi Joy
> 
> I am a Fat Guy, but that is not my problem around here. The problem is that I am a Fat Guy who disagrees with a lot of things said about and assumed about Fat Guys by other groups of people. It is kind of little like what society has always done to Fat People, define their existence.
> 
> William


William, 

Thanks for the news flash that you're a fat guy...I'd almost forgotten. 

I've seen far too much of your posting to believe that you'll even understand what I say when so many other's words have fallen on deaf "ears", but I'll get my kicks by posting, so here goes. 

I'm not even going to address your history in other threads, but don't pop onto this thread, leaving the negative, passive-aggressive message you did about how bad people treat you, as if others should expect the same. Here on dimensions, it has *NOTHING* to do with your body size and 100% to do with how you present yourself. As Tracy says so nicely...you get back what you put out. Stop pointing the finger outwardly, take that huge chip off your shoulder, and examine what you do before you come on here whining about being treated badly.

I'm sure your response to this post will be more of the same, but please, as a favor to all of us...try considering NOT responding at all and instead use that energy on self-reflection, or navel gazing, or something more productive.


----------



## William

Hi Bea Bea

I said that the negativity comes from people that respond and who do not agree with me, I did not mean that all responses were negative, many were sincere and most PMs are supportive.

There is little leeway in changing my message when I comment that I believe that many of the Fat Male experiences that are not shared by Fat Men have no validity. I am not saying the people do this maliciously; it is something that Fat Acceptance seems to think is acceptable in the case of Fat Men. If that makes some people go berserk, what can I do about it.

There has never been a group in History that wanted their stories recorded by someone else

William





BeaBea said:


> Hi William,
> in your first reply to Joy you said:
> 
> 
> and to Susannah you said
> 
> 
> Maybe you feel that when you disagree with people you do it in a positive manner - and I do accept that that is possible to do that - but if all you ever receive is what you believe to be negativity in response why dont you change the way you address the disagreements? I'm setting aside any comment on the content of your arguments here, but if you really believe you have a positive message to spread then maybe looking at how you deliver it would achieve better results for you?
> 
> I can understand that its easy to believe that everything you ever post gets a negative response but is it possible the responsibility for that lies partly within your own hands - and is therefore easy to change?
> 
> Just a thought
> Tracey


----------



## William

Hi Joy

Bea Bea did write a nice message.

To answer your question if it is negative and whining to not accept comments about Fat Men that contains zero content from Fat Men and not to accept a PC history about Fat Men that contains zero content from Fat Men then I am guilty. 

I cant post much more because I have a major project to work on tonight and tomorrow.

William 




JoyJoy said:


> William,
> 
> Thanks for the news flash that you're a fat guy...I'd almost forgotten.
> 
> I've seen far too much of your posting to believe that you'll even understand what I say when so many other's words have fallen on deaf "ears", but I'll get my kicks by posting, so here goes.
> 
> I'm not even going to address your history in other threads, but don't pop onto this thread, leaving the negative, passive-aggressive message you did about how bad people treat you, as if others should expect the same. Here on dimensions, it has *NOTHING* to do with your body size and 100% to do with how you present yourself. As Tracy says so nicely...you get back what you put out. Stop pointing the finger outwardly, take that huge chip off your shoulder, and examine what you do before you come on here whining about being treated badly.
> 
> I'm sure your response to this post will be more of the same, but please, as a favor to all of us...try considering NOT responding at all and instead use that energy on self-reflection, or navel gazing, or something more productive.


----------



## JoyJoy

K...now that that's out of the way.....


Seriously folks....there's a lot of good advice in this thread. If you don't feel like you fit in, give it time. It may have to do with your perception, or the timing...but with all it's flaws and quirks, this forum is mostly a very welcoming place.


----------



## William

Hi Joy

You may not believe me, but I agree with you 100%! Lurkers are never heard until they stop being Lurkers 

William




JoyJoy said:


> K...now that that's out of the way.....
> 
> 
> Seriously folks....there's a lot of good advice in this thread. If you don't feel like you fit in, give it time. It may have to do with your perception, or the timing...but with all it's flaws and quirks, this forum is mostly a very welcoming place.


----------



## kayrae

William said:


> Hi Bea Bea
> 
> I said that the negativity comes from people that respond and who do not agree with me, I did not mean that all responses were negative, many were sincere and most PMs are supportive.
> 
> There is little leeway in changing my message when I comment that I believe that many of the Fat Male experiences that are not shared by Fat Men have no validity. I am not saying the people do this maliciously; it is something that Fat Acceptance seems to think is acceptable in the case of Fat Men. If that makes some people go berserk, what can I do about it.
> 
> *There has never been a group in History that wanted their stories recorded by someone else*
> 
> 
> William




I disagree. As a student journalist, I am often approached by many different groups to record their history. As soon as I tell someone that I'm a writer, it's "Want to write about this or that? My group is doing this or that."


----------



## loggamatt

JoyJoy said:


> William,
> 
> Thanks for the news flash that you're a fat guy...I'd almost forgotten.
> 
> I've seen far too much of your posting to believe that you'll even understand what I say when so many other's words have fallen on deaf "ears", but I'll get my kicks by posting, so here goes.
> 
> I'm not even going to address your history in other threads, but don't pop onto this thread, leaving the negative, passive-aggressive message you did about how bad people treat you, as if others should expect the same. Here on dimensions, it has *NOTHING* to do with your body size and 100% to do with how you present yourself. As Tracy says so nicely...you get back what you put out. Stop pointing the finger outwardly, take that huge chip off your shoulder, and examine what you do before you come on here whining about being treated badly.
> 
> I'm sure your response to this post will be more of the same, but please, as a favor to all of us...try considering NOT responding at all and instead use that energy on self-reflection, or navel gazing, or something more productive.



I know I'm going to be made to regret posting this because you're all ganging up on this guy, and if I stand up for him I guess you'll all bloody my nose too...

But this is what I hate about Dimensions! What did this guy do to deserve that? I haven't read all the posts that this stemmed from (who has the time...), but unless I've missed a post earlier on in which he speaks of his love of drowning babies I don't see what he's done so wrong.

He feels that he has been victimised by people on here (who can blame him?) and that people have misrepresented the way he feels about being a fat man is the impression I'm getting. Now, in what way are those invalid feelings? He has every right to feel like that and more to the point, he has every right to say so in a thread that specifically asks whether there are people on here who do feel that way.

Seriously, you say a couple of things that people don't agree with on here and suddenly you're running down the street while the bullies chase you... it's crazy. It's especially crazy as fat people often are no strangers to being bullied in their lives... so it's no wonder that a community of fat people can be a little fearful of it.

I think that he's entitled to his view, and he's surely entitled to express it in this thread.


----------



## mossystate

loggamatt said:


> I haven't read all the posts that this stemmed from (who has the time...), but unless I've missed a post earlier on in which he speaks of his love of drowning babies I don't see what he's done so wrong.



So, you did not have the time to read past posts from more than just this thread...but...you _did_ have the time to paint any person who _has_ participated in responding to William...as...bullies...crazies...terrorists...meanies...clique craving monsters.

Cool.


----------



## Surlysomething

mossystate said:


> So, you did not have the time to read past posts from more than just this thread...but...you _did_ have the time to paint any person who _has_ participated in responding to William...as...bullies...crazies...terrorists...meanies...clique craving monsters.
> 
> Cool.




I was thinking the same thing but you beat me to it.

Obviously this fellow hasn't run into William and his other thread disasters.


----------



## loggamatt

mossystate said:


> So, you did not have the time to read past posts from more than just this thread...but...you _did_ have the time to paint any person who _has_ participated in responding to William...as...bullies...crazies...terrorists...meanies...clique craving monsters.
> 
> Cool.



I can see that he is being polite, calm and inoffensive in the way that he is responding to his detractors. Even if you're telling me that earlier in the threat he did not act this way, he still deserves credit for acting in a mature way now, no?


----------



## Shosh

loggamatt said:


> I know I'm going to be made to regret posting this because you're all ganging up on this guy, and if I stand up for him I guess you'll all bloody my nose too...
> 
> But this is what I hate about Dimensions! What did this guy do to deserve that? I haven't read all the posts that this stemmed from (who has the time...), but unless I've missed a post earlier on in which he speaks of his love of drowning babies I don't see what he's done so wrong.
> 
> He feels that he has been victimised by people on here (who can blame him?) and that people have misrepresented the way he feels about being a fat man is the impression I'm getting. Now, in what way are those invalid feelings? He has every right to feel like that and more to the point, he has every right to say so in a thread that specifically asks whether there are people on here who do feel that way.
> 
> Seriously, you say a couple of things that people don't agree with on here and suddenly you're running down the street while the bullies chase you... it's crazy. It's especially crazy as fat people often are no strangers to being bullied in their lives... so it's no wonder that a community of fat people can be a little fearful of it.
> 
> I think that he's entitled to his view, and he's surely entitled to express it in this thread.



I dont think that I have bullied William. I have tried to help actually as much as I can.
If it has come across in the wrong way then I am sorry.


----------



## JoyJoy

I'm not going to bloody your nose, loggamatt, but perhaps you should take some time to check out his posting history in detail before defending him. It wasn't "a couple of things"...there's quite a bit that's gone on with our dear buddy William that has earned him the reputation of being a whiner, which is why I took umbrage with his posting here as if people picked on him for no good reason.

Again, as was pointed out to him...if you put negative out there, you're likely to get negative back. 

Also...yeah, the being chased down by bullies line was a bit of an exaggeration. If you post, you face the possibility that people won't agree with you. But what's the worst that can happen? Someone's going to be mean to you in expressing their disagreement. Okay....but....is that all? Really....you can't be chased if you don't run. Just let it go and keep posting.


----------



## BeaBea

William said:


> There is little leeway in changing my message



William I think you missed my point - it's not about changing your message, it's about changing how you deliver it. I can understand that it might feel like an added burden to have to adjust how you normally communicate but if it will help your message get heard surely it's worth it? 

What you are doing at the moment is akin to delivering a lecture in French and complaining that no-one is listening. You need to accept the pointers that you are getting and learn to speak in English so we can understand. Your message will remain the same but it will be far more easily understood by the maximum number of people. 

I fully accept that you mean well, but it would be great to read a message that was easy to understand and positive in tone without having to translate it first. 

Tracey


----------



## Surlysomething

loggamatt said:


> Seriously, you say a couple of things that people don't agree with on here and suddenly you're running down the street while the bullies chase you... it's crazy. It's especially crazy as fat people often are no strangers to being bullied in their lives... so it's no wonder that a community of fat people can be a little fearful of it.
> 
> I think that he's entitled to his view, and he's surely entitled to express it in this thread.



I'd love to see examples of this but no one backs up there 'issues'. I've asked Williams numerous times to explain himself so I better understand but he goes around and around in circles never answering. How are you supposed to feel empathetic when he doesn't make sense? I would love to know the BHM side of fat acceptance but all he 'seems' to do is complain.

And i've never been bullied as a fat person. I would rip that person a new &^%$#. 

Keep coming back, it works!


----------



## loggamatt

JoyJoy said:


> I'm not going to bloody your nose, loggamatt, but perhaps you should take some time to check out his posting history in detail before defending him. It wasn't "a couple of things"...there's quite a bit that's gone on with our dear buddy William that has earned him the reputation of being a whiner, which is why I took umbrage with his posting here as if people picked on him for no good reason.
> 
> Again, as was pointed out to him...if you put negative out there, you're likely to get negative back.
> 
> Also...yeah, the being chased down by bullies line was a bit of an exaggeration. If you post, you face the possibility that people won't agree with you. But what's the worst that can happen? Someone's going to be mean to you in expressing their disagreement. Okay....but....is that all? Really....you can't be chased if you don't run. Just let it go and keep posting.



Alright, sorry... you're probably right. As I say, I don't know William's history... I'm certainly not going to take anyone else's word for it that he's a 'whiner' because I like to make my own judgements of people, but I have no evidence to refute what you say either.

Your post just came off as unnecessarily aggressive to me, and having been on the receiving end of aggressive posting myself in the past I don't like to see it happen to others.

But, I accept that I probably shouldn't have become involved in something I don't know anything about... I guess I'm over sensitive too


----------



## mossystate

loggamatt said:


> I can see that he is being polite, calm and inoffensive in the way that he is responding to his detractors. Even if you're telling me that earlier in the threat he did not act this way, he still deserves credit for acting in a mature way now, no?



Well, see, there are people who never get ' energetic ' ( I, if it is not already obvious, am not one of those people ), yet they still manage to be, with their very carefully chosen words, very angry, dismissive and manipulative. Again, this is not just about this thread, although, William is taking what was a clusterfuck of another thread...and dragging it here. I am not fooled by the appearance of good manner. Things like this are.....connected.

Since you don't know all what has been done, I would suggest that you not paint everyone responding to him..with such a braod brush...no matter the words we use.


----------



## William

Hi Susannah

You are a really cool person and I like what you post, I like what most people post here. That is why I seconded JoyJoy's comment to newcomers.

William 





Susannah said:


> I dont think that I have bullied William. I have tried to help actually as much as I can.
> If it has come across in the wrong way then I am sorry.


----------



## Surlysomething

PS: Strong women rock my world


----------



## loggamatt

mossystate said:


> Well, see, there are people who never get ' energetic ' ( I, if it is not already obvious, am not one of those people ), yet they still manage to be, with their very carefully chosen words, very angry, dismissive and manipulative. Again, this is not just about this thread, although, William is taking what was a clusterfuck of another thread...and dragging it here. I am not fooled by the appearance of good manner. Things like this are.....connected.
> 
> Since you don't know all what has been done, I would suggest that you not paint everyone responding to him..with such a braod brush...no matter the words we use.



Ok, you're right, I apologise... I just reacted as people do when they see someone else getting a kicking and leapt to his defense. But possibly I leapt too quickly, as you say, I really don't know the story here...


----------



## William

Hey 

I am nice in most of my conversations and the threads that you talk about are connected by the topic of this thread and the poll in this thread says the truth better than any of us can.

William




mossystate said:


> Well, see, there are people who never get ' energetic ' ( I, if it is not already obvious, am not one of those people ), yet they still manage to be, with their very carefully chosen words, very angry, dismissive and manipulative. Again, this is not just about this thread, although, William is taking what what a clusterfuck of another thread...and dragging it here. I am not fooled by the appearance of good manner. Things like this are.....connected.


----------



## JoyJoy

loggamatt said:


> Alright, sorry... you're probably right. As I say, I don't know William's history... I'm certainly not going to take anyone else's word for it that he's a 'whiner' because I like to make my own judgements of people, but I have no evidence to refute what you say either.
> 
> Your post just came off as unnecessarily aggressive to me, and having been on the receiving end of aggressive posting myself in the past I don't like to see it happen to others.
> 
> But, I accept that I probably shouldn't have become involved in something I don't know anything about... I guess I'm over sensitive too


 Exactly...you don't really have all the facts that my post is based on, so don't really know if the "aggression" is unnecessary or not. You'll see from his response, though, a tiny part of why he's been labeled at a whiner, as well as the fact that he didn't even address anything I said in my post.

Sometime when you're really, really bored, click "Find more posts by William" on his profile and knock yourself out. Just make sure you have lots of time and a few drinks in you when you do...it'll take awhile. Then perhaps you'll understand.


----------



## mossystate

loggamatt said:


> Ok, you're right, I apologise... I just reacted as people do when they see someone else getting a kicking and leapt to his defense. But possibly I leapt too quickly, as you say, I really don't know the story here...



Where are my apology chocolates?...

Nah...I understand. I have done that...the defending...then I learn my lesson...until next time. I will say, I can still very much dislike how a particular person ( here...real life ) brings something up..but I am glad I am usually able to separate the messenger from the message.


----------



## loggamatt

JoyJoy said:


> Exactly...you don't really have all the facts that my post is based on, so don't really know if the "aggression" is unnecessary or not. You'll see from his response, though, a tiny part of why he's been labeled at a whiner, as well as the fact that he didn't even address anything I said in my post.
> 
> Sometime when you're really, really bored, click "Find more posts by William" on his profile and knock yourself out. Just make sure you have lots of time and a few drinks in your when you do...it'll take awhile. Then perhaps you'll understand.



I don't think aggression is ever really necessary  I'm all about the peace, love and understanding... I always think you get your point across better that way as people are more receptive to what you have to say. But hey, people are different, and you're right that I'm in no position to judge when I don't know the facts... think I'll bow out now


----------



## JoyJoy

William said:


> Hi Joy
> 
> Bea Bea did write a nice message.
> 
> To answer your question if it is negative and whining to not accept comments about Fat Men that contains zero content from Fat Men and not to accept a PC history about Fat Men that contains zero content from Fat Men then I am guilty.
> 
> I cant post much more because I have a major project to work on tonight and tomorrow.
> 
> William


 I wasn't going to bother responding, but...what the hell, I'm bored. 

First....umm...I didn't ask a question. Did I miss a question mark somewhere?

As to the rest of what you said, here's a four-legged chicken:






Now you'd better go get yourself busy on that project. We wouldn't want to keep you!


----------



## SamanthaNY

William said:


> Hey
> 
> I am nice in most of my conversations and the threads that you talk about are connected by the topic of this thread and the poll in this thread says the truth better than any of us can.
> 
> William


Sure, you're nice. 

And manipulative. And passive-aggressive. And nagging. And you intentionally try to mislead. And you speak in circles. And... and... 

The past handful of posts show _*that*_. Very nicely.


----------



## JoyJoy

loggamatt said:


> I don't think aggression is ever really necessary  I'm all about the peace, love and understanding... I always think you get your point across better that way as people are more receptive to what you have to say. But hey, people are different, and you're right that I'm in no position to judge when I don't know the facts... think I'll bow out now



Well, I'm sorry my big bad self has been so frightening (not really, but let's play pretend). 

Honestly, I was thinking more along the lines of matter-of-fact than aggressive. There are times for sweetness and light, and then there are times for cutting through the bullshit and just putting it out there. 

I promise, there'd be no mistaking if I were aggressive.


----------



## loggamatt

mossystate said:


> Where are my apology chocolates?...
> 
> Nah...I understand. I have done that...the defending...then I learn my lesson...until next time. I will say, I can still very much dislike how a particular person ( here...real life ) brings something up..but I am glad I am usually able to separate the messenger from the message.



Apology chocolates? But... I'm a man, if I had to provide chocolates every time I said something stupid to a woman I'd be bankrupt!


----------



## loggamatt

JoyJoy said:


> Well, I'm sorry my big bad self has been so frightening (not really, but let's play pretend).
> 
> Honestly, I was thinking more along the lines of matter-of-fact than aggressive. There are times for sweetness and light, and then there are times for cutting through the bullshit and just putting it out there.
> 
> I promise, there'd be no mistaking if I were aggressive.



Should I be quiet now lest I discover the aggression?  lol

Seriously, I'm sorry, I over reacted... group hug


----------



## JoyJoy

loggamatt said:


> Should I be quiet now lest I discover the aggression?  lol
> 
> Seriously, I'm sorry, I over reacted... group hug


 Buy me a pint and we'll be good.


----------



## mossystate

JoyJoy said:


> Buy me a pint and we'll be good.



Hey...back off...he owes me chocolate.


----------



## loggamatt

JoyJoy said:


> Buy me a pint and we'll be good.



A pint you say? Clearly a girl after my own heart...

Well, sure... you know, so long as you're not one of those aggressive drunks... (I'm kidding! I'm kidding!)


----------



## JoyJoy

mossystate said:


> Hey...back off...he owes me chocolate.


I think the boy said something about having your chocolate delivered while meeting me for a drink.


----------



## loggamatt

mossystate said:


> Hey...back off...he owes me chocolate.



Ok... ok... so, we're up to 1 pint and some chocolate right? Anymore orders from anyone before I go up to the bar? My round people...


----------



## JoyJoy

loggamatt said:


> A pint you say? Clearly a girl after my own heart...
> 
> Well, sure... you know, so long as you're not one of those aggressive drunks... (I'm kidding! I'm kidding!)


 Oh no, I'm one of those drunks who loves everyone and breaks out into song. You're safe. ....from my scary aggression, at least.


----------



## loggamatt

JoyJoy said:


> Oh no, I'm one of those drunks who loves everyone and breaks out into song. You're safe. ....from my scary aggression, at least.



... but not safe from being dragged to karaoke it seems... yikes... I'd better get good and drunk so I don't remember myself singing...


----------



## BeaBea

loggamatt said:


> Anymore orders from anyone before I go up to the bar?



I'd like what I had last time I saw you at BGP. Please 
Tracey xx


----------



## loggamatt

BeaBea said:


> I'd like what I had last time I saw you at BGP. Please
> Tracey xx



lol  As would I... plus you're a good source of transport for when I miss my taxi


----------



## B68

Yes, let all of us outsiders meet in a pub and drink beer and eat chocolate. 

Somewhere in the Netherlands...

No?

Damn... i feel a big whine coming up...


----------



## loggamatt

B68 said:


> Yes, let all of us outsiders meet in a pub and drink beer and eat chocolate.
> 
> Somewhere in the Netherlands...
> 
> No?
> 
> Damn... i feel a big whine coming up...



I bet they have extra special chocolate treats in the Netherlands... lets go!


----------



## SamanthaNY

B68 said:


> Yes, let all of us outsiders meet in a pub and drink beer and eat chocolate.
> 
> Somewhere in the Netherlands...
> 
> No?
> 
> Damn... i feel a big whine coming up...



Naw, it's all good. Loggamatt's buying, and Beabea's driving. Right? Right!  Euro road trip!


----------



## loggamatt

SamanthaNY said:


> Naw, it's all good. Loggamatt's buying, and Beabea's driving. Right? Right!  Euro road trip!



I don't know, Beabea's driving is so/so at the best of times... we should keep her away from the special dutch chocolate...


----------



## Mathias

loggamatt said:


> I bet they have extra special chocolate treats in the Netherlands... lets go!



I don't drink, but I never pass up the opportunity for some chocolate!


----------



## William

Hi BeaBea

How much more simple can my message get? What other way is there to say that that Fat Men should be telling their own stories and any conclusions that Fat Acceptance arrives at about Fat Men without significant Fat Male involvement is BS.

I know that Fat Men have a problem joining Fat Acceptance, but that does not change the fact that most statements made about Fat Men with out them are not valid, are exaggerations or are one sided never looking at the male side of the issue. Yet people in Fat Acceptance will make these same statements even to the press as if they were absolute facts.

My statements above are not insulting and I am not saying that others are out to get Fat Men or something. It is just the way things worked out.

William







BeaBea said:


> William I think you missed my point - it's not about changing your message, it's about changing how you deliver it. I can understand that it might feel like an added burden to have to adjust how you normally communicate but if it will help your message get heard surely it's worth it?
> 
> What you are doing at the moment is akin to delivering a lecture in French and complaining that no-one is listening. You need to accept the pointers that you are getting and learn to speak in English so we can understand. Your message will remain the same but it will be far more easily understood by the maximum number of people.
> 
> I fully accept that you mean well, but it would be great to read a message that was easy to understand and positive in tone without having to translate it first.
> 
> Tracey


----------



## BeaBea

William said:


> How much more simple can my message get?



Sorry William but you're still missing my point. I'm talking about HOW you deliver your message but instead of listening you just play the same recorded announcement again. I GET the message that you're trying to put across, I was just trying to suggest a way you could avoid what you believe are negative responses and reach a larger audience. 

If you prefer to bang your head against the same bit of the brick wall then good luck to you, you might get through eventually. I was just trying to point out that if you stop and look up for a second you'll see an open door slightly to your left... 

Tracey


----------



## loggamatt

William said:


> Hi BeaBea
> 
> How much more simple can my message get? What other way is there to say that that Fat Men should be telling their own stories and any conclusions that Fat Acceptance arrives at about Fat Men without significant Fat Male involvement is BS.
> 
> I know that Fat Men have a problem joining Fat Acceptance, but that does not change the fact that most statements made about Fat Men with out them are not valid, are exaggerations or are one sided never looking at the male side of the issue. Yet people in Fat Acceptance will make these same statements even to the press as if they were absolute facts.
> 
> My statements above are not insulting and I am not saying that others are out to get Fat Men or something. It is just the way things worked out.
> 
> William



So, are you saying that fat women can sometimes assume that they understand the fat man experience, whereas in reality there are differences? I think that can be true, but it works the other way as well. I'm a fat guy and I've been told countless times by fat women that me being a fat guy doesn't automatically mean I understand what being a fat woman is all about...

Still, I think it's human nature to try to empathise with other people's life experiences... I'm sure people don't mean any harm by it.


----------



## 1300 Class

loggamatt, agree with you there. 

What we cannot embody outselves, we use empathy to understand. Or something.


----------



## SamanthaNY

Oh god - it's gonna start up again


----------



## B68

SamanthaNY said:


> Oh god - it's gonna start up again



The Ring part 3.

But what about me!? I offered you beer ánd chocolate... I'm too thin and too ugly, right?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

B68 said:


> Yes, let all of us outsiders meet in a pub and drink beer and eat chocolate.
> 
> Somewhere in the Netherlands...
> 
> No?
> 
> Damn... i feel a big whine coming up...




Gawd.....you have no idea how worked up I got when I first read the word big.....what a let down :doh: 



B68 said:


> The Ring part 3.
> 
> But what about me!? I offered you beer ánd chocolate... I'm too thin and too ugly, right?



Bring your gun....we can play cops and robbers......someone will have to pay for all this......


----------



## B68

Someone said Loggamatt was buying. Not sure he still is...

But yes, beer, chocolate, cops and robbers... Our great nation has all of that


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

The cops around here carry big..........night sticks..............and handcuffs......:wubu:


----------



## CleverBomb

B68 said:


> The Ring part 3.
> 
> But what about me!? I offered you beer ánd chocolate... I'm too thin and too ugly, right?


XKCD #396: The Ring




Alt text: "On the other hand, poor Samara -- transcoded to FLV. No one deserves that."

-Rusty


----------



## B68

I'm clueless! Really! 

By the way, i just remember, i've a b... ehhh, project i have to work on, so i'm off now!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Just thought both of you big.............mens should know..... 

View attachment rusty.JPG


View attachment B68.JPG


----------



## B68

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Just thought both of you big.............mens should know.....



You're right.

I couldn't wait anymore, so i've allready started with the beer. That was my project...


----------



## William

Hi Tracey

I am talking to exactly who I need to if they feel that it is so terrible to have have real male experiences backing up the statements that Fat Acceptance routinely makes about Fat Men. 

What people should be asking them is what do they find so offensive about my comments? 

William (my project is going great and my group got a B+ on the main part)




BeaBea said:


> Sorry William but you're still missing my point. I'm talking about HOW you deliver your message but instead of listening you just play the same recorded announcement again. I GET the message that you're trying to put across, I was just trying to suggest a way you could avoid what you believe are negative responses and reach a larger audience.
> 
> If you prefer to bang your head against the same bit of the brick wall then good luck to you, you might get through eventually. I was just trying to point out that if you stop and look up for a second you'll see an open door slightly to your left...
> 
> Tracey


----------



## B68

Anyway, i think i derailed a thread within a thread within a thread:doh:

Yep we Dutch can do more than make chocolate


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

B68 said:


> Anyway, i think i derailed a thread within a thread within a thread:doh:
> 
> Yep we Dutch can do more than make chocolate



It's always good to derail the thread that William has fought so hard to derail. It really pisses him off, methinks


----------



## B68

B68 said:


> Anyway, i think i derailed a thread within a thread within a thread:doh:



No you didn't


----------



## mossystate

Project Runway....cuz this plane is coming in for a(nother) crash landing.


oh...come on...that was almost funny!!


----------



## B68

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> It's always good to derail the thread that William has fought so hard to derail. It really pisses him off, methinks



I don't know William, or his story, so i don't want to derail this for personal reasons. 

But i know this, i'm without beer and without chocolates and my car is way too small to take you all on a eurotrip. But i don't whine. 

I look at the bright side. I've wine, i've French cheese and i've tobacco. Life isn't that hard...


----------



## mossystate

Hey...Greenie....he said something was not....hard.

Run.


...see, THIS is how you derail a thread...talk of booze...chocolate...flaccid stuff....:smitten:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

mossystate said:


> Hey...Greenie....he said something was not....hard.
> 
> Run.
> 
> 
> ...see, THIS is how you derail a thread...talk of booze...chocolate...flaccid stuff....:smitten:




Actually, he got my attention with all this BIG....talk about things coming up......



B68 said:


> Yes, let all of us outsiders meet in a pub and drink beer and eat chocolate.
> 
> Somewhere in the Netherlands...
> 
> No?
> 
> Damn... *i feel a big* whine *coming up*...


----------



## William

Hi GEF

I have never derailed a thread and I am alway willing to answer real responses. 

What do you find so horrible about Fat Men telling their stories instead of other people saying what they think Fat Men Experience?

William




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> It's always good to derail the thread that William has fought so hard to derail. It really pisses him off, methinks


----------



## mossystate

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Actually, he got my attention with all this BIG....talk about things coming up......



Now..see..this is where we differ....you see the cup as half full...I see it as half flaccid....one day, I hope to be as postive as you....:blush:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

William said:


> Hi GEF
> 
> I have never derailed a thread and I am alway willing to answer real responses.
> 
> What do you find so horrible about Fat Men telling their stories instead of other people saying what they think Fat Men Experience?
> 
> William



Hi William,

I have never posted anywhere that "Fat Men" should not be allowed to tell their stories. 

YOU derailing threads has absolutely nothing to do with "Fat Men telling their stories".

Those are two completely different things....no matter what you attempt to represent it as. 

Glad to give you clarity, 

Green Eyed Fairy


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

mossystate said:


> Now..see..this is where we differ....you see the cup as half full...I see it as half flaccid....one day, I hope to be as postive as you....:blush:




Hi Mossystate,

William has all the positive, full of it stuff either of us could ever need....

Sincerely,

Green Eyed Fairy



P.S. I am going to work on my important project of taking a bubble bath, helping with homework and reading a good book....right after I sign up for Netflix. I might periodically drag myself away from my Important Project to spend hours responding to things I read in this thread, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make for My Project.


----------



## B68

I'm between a rock and a flaccid place...


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

B68 said:


> I'm between a rock and a flaccid place...



Flaccid Place


----------



## JoyJoy

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Hi William,
> 
> I have never posted anywhere that "Fat Men" should not be allowed to tell their stories.
> 
> YOU derailing threads has absolutely nothing to do with "Fat Men telling their stories".
> 
> Those are two completely different things....no matter what you attempt to represent it as.
> 
> Glad to give you clarity,
> 
> Green Eyed Fairy


Dear GEF, 

I hope you can get your money back on that clarity. I think trying to give such a gift to such a receiver is like trying to sew wings on a giraffe in hopes it'll be able to fly. 

J


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

JoyJoy said:


> Dear GEF,
> 
> I hope you can get your money back on that clarity. I think trying to give such a gift to such a receiver is like trying to sew wings on a giraffe in hopes it'll be able to fly.
> 
> J



Hi JoyJoy,

I never expect William to listen or learn. He does this for attention. I give him the attention he craves ..... and I do it in a way that is fun for me. 

Sincerely,

Green Eyed Fairy
Bored Bitch Society Member


----------



## mossystate

Dear Green Eyed Fairy,

Please stop playing Matchmaker. I have a man. Perhaps you have heard of him. His name is


*SATAN*.

He is one hot hombre, and even has a cute lil potbelly. Roasted souls have really done magic to his physique. Election time sure is like a buffet for him!!

:blush::happy::kiss2::wubu:


Mossy-hellbound-state


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Satan.....:wubu:


I have found a new hobby 



Is Satan a Fat Man, btw?


----------



## William

Hi GEF

I never said you said that, but I will say that every time that comment on how off track and one sided comments about Fat Men are in Fat Acceptance is you go Berserk. Your actions talk for you.

William



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Hi William,
> 
> I have never posted anywhere that "Fat Men" should not be allowed to tell their stories.
> 
> YOU derailing threads has absolutely nothing to do with "Fat Men telling their stories".
> 
> Those are two completely different things....no matter what you attempt to represent it as.
> 
> Glad to give you clarity,
> 
> Green Eyed Fairy


----------



## BeaBea

William said:


> I am talking to exactly who I need to



William, 

Nope, you're still missing the point. Shall we go round again? 

The points I have raised have NOTHING to do with the content of your message and EVERYTHING to do with how you try to communicate it. 

If you can confirm you understand, or even acknowledge that you can see the distinction, then we can move forward.

Tracey


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Why the deuce are we all addressing each other like this all formal like .. aren't our friggin' user names on the side of the screen?! WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP DOING THIS?! 

STOP THE MADNESS. 

.. must be a fat guy thing ..


----------



## KHayes666

To William.....As someone who's derailed threads before, whining about being accepted only distances you from the people you want to be accepted by, trust me I've been there. Talk about your project, talk about potential dates, talk about people you'd like to date and talk about the next season of Psych but don't friggin whine.

To GEF.........You want Satan, wait till December 25th and he'll come down your chimney......wait, that sounded very VERY wrong. Oh wait you said Satan not Santa, could it be the same guy?


----------



## activistfatgirl

Okay, so we ALL feel out of place?

I believe there's a lesson here.


----------



## B68

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Why the deuce are we all addressing each other like this all formal like .. aren't our friggin' user names on the side of the screen?! WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP DOING THIS?!
> 
> STOP THE MADNESS.
> 
> .. must be a fat guy thing ..



Aah, i see where you're coming from. You think we're fatter than you


----------



## JoyJoy

activistfatgirl said:


> Okay, so we ALL feel out of place?
> 
> I believe there's a lesson here.



That we're all in the wrong place? Okay...how about I come and see how it feels at your place? That might make me feel better.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

activistfatgirl said:


> Okay, so we ALL feel out of place?
> 
> I believe there's a lesson here.



If you feel out of place here, you're with the majority, so, technically you're in place. Now that I put that I feel in place here, I don't feel so welcome anymore.


----------



## SamanthaNY

B68 said:


> The Ring part 3.
> 
> But what about me!? I offered you beer ánd chocolate... I'm too thin and too ugly, right?



Hello and greetings to you, Beesixtyeight, 

No, you're not too thin, or ugly. You didn't bring enough beer and chocolate. And a too-small car?!? Oh, for shame. 

Girl's gotta have standards, ya know. 

Gracious regards, 
SamanthaNY.



William said:


> Hi GEF
> 
> I never said you said that, but I will say that every time that comment on how off track and one sided comments about Fat Men are in Fat Acceptance is you go Berserk. Your actions talk for you.
> 
> William


She never said that you said you said that. But I will say that you're saying she said you said it, and her now feeling that she said you said she said it can cause almost anyone to go berserk. I mean, Berserk. 

Also: Fat men. I mean, Fat Men. 

Also; soylent green is people. And I think there's some Fat Men in there. Just saying. Cuz, that would only be fair, right?

Wearily,
SamanthaNY.


----------



## KHayes666

Let me out of this place I'm outta place
I'm in in outter space, I've just vanished without a trace
I'm going to a pretty place now where the flowers grow
I'll be back in an hour or so


----------



## Mathias

Ah, never mind...


----------



## B68

SamanthaNY said:


> Hello and greetings to you, Beesixtyeight,
> 
> No, you're not too thin, or ugly. You didn't bring enough beer and chocolate. And a too-small car?!? Oh, for shame.
> 
> Girl's gotta have standards, ya know.
> 
> Gracious regards,
> SamanthaNY.
> 
> 
> SamanthaNY.



Dear Samantha from the great city of NY,

I realize i've failed to live up to the standards set. I fail as an FA. I've ungracefully stepped on your values and your desire for beer and chocolate. 

And please forgive me for my small car... I hope you can still see me as a guy who bought a car big enough for at least one BBW next to a humble FA...

SINserious regards,

B68


----------



## William

Hi Samantha

I never said that she said that I said that.......Ok lets stop that logic loop.

I will say that anytime I comment on how Fat Male experiences are hijacked by Fat Acceptance GEF and crew comes out with their guns a blazing. 


Hi Hayes

That is not a whine, just the facts.

William (night)




SamanthaNY said:


> Hello and greetings to you, Beesixtyeight,
> 
> No, you're not too thin, or ugly. You didn't bring enough beer and chocolate. And a too-small car?!? Oh, for shame.
> 
> Girl's gotta have standards, ya know.
> 
> Gracious regards,
> SamanthaNY.
> 
> 
> She never said that you said you said that. But I will say that you're saying she said you said it, and her now feeling that she said you said she said it can cause almost anyone to go berserk. I mean, Berserk.
> 
> Also: Fat men. I mean, Fat Men.
> 
> Also; soylent green is people. And I think there's some Fat Men in there. Just saying. Cuz, that would only be fair, right?
> 
> Wearily,
> SamanthaNY.


----------



## SamanthaNY

B68 said:


> Dear Samantha from the great city of NY,
> 
> I realize i've failed to live up to the standards set. I fail as an FA. I've ungracefully stepped on your values and your desire for beer and chocolate.
> 
> And please forgive me for my small car... I hope you can still see me as a guy who bought a car big enough for at least one BBW next to a humble FA...
> 
> SINserious regards,
> 
> B68



Nay, my values remain untrodden, and nothing can derail my quest... except maybe a sale at Zappos. 

Fear not, brave FA - you can redeem yourself and do us all proud by finding one cute fat chick to spoil. We have faith in you... 



William said:


> Hi Samantha
> 
> I never said that she said that I said that.......Ok lets stop that logic loop.
> 
> I will say that anytime I comment on how Fat Male experiences are hijacked by Fat Acceptance GEF and crew comes out with their guns a blazing.
> 
> William (night)


Dogs barking can't fly without umbrellas.


----------



## steely

KHayes666 said:


> To William.....As someone who's derailed threads before, whining about being accepted only distances you from the people you want to be accepted by, trust me I've been there. Talk about your project, talk about potential dates, talk about people you'd like to date and talk about the next season of Psych but don't friggin whine.
> 
> To GEF.........You want Satan, wait till December 25th and he'll come down your chimney......wait, that sounded very VERY wrong. Oh wait you said Satan not Santa, could it be the same guy?



Hmmm..Where is Santaclear?We might need to keep an eye on him.


----------



## activistfatgirl

JoyJoy said:


> That we're all in the wrong place? Okay...how about I come and see how it feels at your place? That might make me feel better.



Let me clean first!!! I don't want you to feel unwelcome by my clutter and unsexy living arrangements.

How about a week from today?


----------



## Surlysomething

William said:


> I will say that anytime I comment on how Fat Male experiences are hijacked by Fat Acceptance GEF and crew comes out with their guns a blazing.


 
But you never explain anything. You talk about articles and studies but you never back anything up. And I don't see any BHM's coming to your side to say 'yes, this happens'. It's hard to know where your logic is coming from. 

When you bring up a topic, if you have facts to base it on, then people will join in. You state YOUR facts. It's not the same thing. People think you spew crap now.


----------



## stan_der_man

Being the petite BHM that I am, I sometimes feel like I don't belong.


----------



## LalaCity

Can someone please explain this thread in three words or less, thank you.


----------



## JoyJoy

LalaCity said:


> Can someone please explain this thread in three words or less, thank you.


 Chocolate and beer.


----------



## Sanderson

B68 said:


> Dear Samantha from the great city of NY,
> 
> I realize i've failed to live up to the standards set. I fail as an FA. I've ungracefully stepped on your values and your desire for beer and chocolate.
> 
> And please forgive me for my small car... I hope you can still see me as a guy who bought a car big enough for *at least one BBW* next to a humble FA...
> 
> SINserious regards,
> 
> B68



Well hell, I guess that leaves this SSBBW out!!! :doh: And you should know ... EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas. 

Hey Stan, Can you bring me some beer and chocolates? :eat2:

"I'm Valerie and I approve of this message." We can now go back to our regularly scheduled programming.


----------



## 1300 Class

> When you bring up a topic, if you have facts to base it on


Obviously you don't post in hyde park.


----------



## LalaCity

JoyJoy said:


> Chocolate and beer.



Good point.


----------



## mossystate

W(h)ine and cheese.


----------



## loggamatt

William said:


> Hi Samantha
> 
> I never said that she said that I said that.......Ok lets stop that logic loop.
> 
> I will say that anytime I comment on how Fat Male experiences are hijacked by Fat Acceptance GEF and crew comes out with their guns a blazing.
> 
> 
> Hi Hayes
> 
> That is not a whine, just the facts.
> 
> William (night)



Hey William,

I'm genuinely interested in what you have to say on this subject. So please could you give me an example of the way that you think fat male experiences are being 'hijacked'? As I've said before, I think it's a perfectly valid viewpoint... I just think this thread may be more interesting for both yourself and others if we get away from just repeating that same assertion and start dealing with the specifics of what makes you feel that way.

Are things not better for the fat man on the BHM board? I don't ever really go in there so I don't really know...


----------



## stan_der_man

SSBBW_Valerie said:


> ...
> Hey Stan, Can you bring me some beer and chocolates? :eat2:
> 
> ...



Most certainly ma'am! Very much appreciated.... :eat2: Beer and chocolate will help bring me up to full fledged BHM standards! 

I feel as though I belong now... :happy:





mossystate said:


> LalaCity said:
> 
> 
> 
> Can someone please explain this thread in three words or less, thank you.
> 
> 
> 
> W(h)ine and cheese.
Click to expand...


I think that pretty much sums things up Mossy... :bow:


----------



## mossystate

loggamatt said:


> I just think this thread may be more interesting for both yourself and others if we get away from just repeating that same assertion and start dealing with the specifics of what makes you feel that way.




http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42091

Just directing you here, so you can see how this is going to play out. Many people tried...tried real hard.


----------



## William

Hi Matt 

I love the BHM board but it is not really the place to talk about Fat Acceptance issues that effect Fat Men. Also this is not really a thread dedicated to a BHM issue. The way the BHM issue has been handled in this thread and other threads is part of larger problem at Dimensions in that 3 out 4 people in this thread/poll feel out of place at Dimensions yet certain people swear there are no cliques or party-line at Dimensions.

I think that the constant drone at Dimension and in Fat Acceptance on how easy living fat as Man has become very tiresome. Of course they add a disclaimer that Fat Men have problems also, but the primary and consistent theme in these messages is "the life of Fat Men live on Easy St".

If any Fat Male dares to even suggest that it is more to it than what they have expressed then all hell breaks loose and wagons are circled.

I think and know that if any other group (say Fat Admirers) tried to define and document the history and experiences of Fat Women without any input from Fat Women there would be a revolt. This will never happen with Fat Men because they are so disenfranchised with Fat Acceptance already.

Maybe if people were not so reactive and disagreeable around here more of the 75% if the people in this poll/thread who feel out of place at Dimensions would speak up.

William





loggamatt said:


> Hey William,
> 
> I'm genuinely interested in what you have to say on this subject. So please could you give me an example of the way that you think fat male experiences are being 'hijacked'? As I've said before, I think it's a perfectly valid viewpoint... I just think this thread may be more interesting for both yourself and others if we get away from just repeating that same assertion and start dealing with the specifics of what makes you feel that way.
> 
> Are things not better for the fat man on the BHM board? I don't ever really go in there so I don't really know...


----------



## Victim

William said:


> Hi Matt
> 
> I love the BHM board but it is not really the place to talk about Fat Acceptance issues that effect Fat Men. Also this is not really a thread dedicated to a BHM issue. The way the BHM issue has been handled in this thread and other threads is part of larger problem at Dimensions in that 3 out 4 people in this thread/poll feel out of place at Dimensions yet certain people swear there are no cliques or party-line at Dimensions.
> 
> I think that the constant drone at Dimension and in Fat Acceptance on how easy living fat as Man has become very tiresome. Of course they add a disclaimer that Fat Men have problems also, but the primary and consistent theme in these messages is "the life of Fat Men live on Easy St".
> 
> If any Fat Male dares to even suggest that it is more to it than what they have expressed then all hell breaks loose and wagons are circled.
> 
> I think and know that if any other group (say Fat Admirers) tried to define and document the history and experiences of Fat Women without any input from Fat Women there would be a revolt. *This will never happen with Fat Men because they are so disenfranchised with Fat Acceptance already.*William



Speak for yourself.

"Who's we sucka?" - Magnum Force


----------



## B68

After a good sleep, there's still one thing that bothers me... There seems to be some misunderstanding of my car on Dimensions.

For the record, i think you can describe it as a SSBBWUV. Just thought i had to tell before moving on...


----------



## William

I do not need to speak for for those others groups, I have seen too many Fat Admirers smacked down for telling/assuming Fat Womens side of the story.

and luckily I have no problem speaking for myself 

William



Victim said:


> Speak for yourself.
> 
> "Who's we sucka?" - Magnum Force


----------



## Mathias

Surlysomething said:


> But you never explain anything. You talk about articles and studies but you never back anything up. And I don't see any BHM's coming to your side to say 'yes, this happens'. It's hard to know where your logic is coming from.
> 
> When you bring up a topic, if you have facts to base it on, then people will join in. You state YOUR facts. It's not the same thing. People think you spew crap now.



I agree.

William, I really think it'd be a good idea for you to go back and re-read some of your posts, that might provide you some insight as to why your getting some of the responses you've been getting. Otherwise, this discussion won't get anywhere.


----------



## SamanthaNY

William said:


> and luckily I have no problem speaking for myself
> 
> William



You type words - but no one (or very few) understands them. They try, and ask for clarification, but you see unable to give it. 

I know you try, but you appear incapable of accurately communicating. It might make sense to you - but it does not to the rest of us. 

It's what so many have been trying to tell you... and it's why threads gets hijacked. At some point, it just becomes funny.


----------



## Victim

There is no substitute for action. I write BHM themed fiction (not wank fodder, real fiction with BHM and FFA characters), donate to BHM supportive sites such as the bhmffaconnection, and actually go out of my way to let BHM in the real world know there is online support. 

There are things that can be done besides complain. Do something...


----------



## Mathias

To get things a little more on track: Just keep posting and making yourself known! I was nervous at first when I joined, but I've met awesome people here.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

William said:


> Hi GEF
> 
> I never said you said that, but I will say that every time that comment on how off track and one sided comments about Fat Men are in Fat Acceptance is you go Berserk. Your actions talk for you.
> 
> William



William, if you ever paid attention, you would have realized long ago that I really am berserk and enjoy messing around. You make yourself a big target for my fun-n-games. I'm not apologizing because I really do think you enjoy the attention and are willing to do/say anything for it anywhere, anytime. 
That is my honest perception of you......and anything you say to the contraire is unbelievable to me at this point in time. All your posts are about YOU...wanting attention and not "Fat Men" in general. 



MattS19 said:


> Ah, never mind...



One of the best posts in this thread since William came into it 



SamanthaNY said:


> Hello and greetings to you, Beesixtyeight,
> 
> No, you're not too thin, or ugly. You didn't bring enough beer and chocolate. And a too-small car?!? Oh, for shame.
> 
> Girl's gotta have standards, ya know.
> 
> Gracious regards,
> SamanthaNY.
> 
> 
> She never said that you said you said that. But I will say that you're saying she said you said it, and her now feeling that she said you said she said it can cause almost anyone to go berserk. I mean, Berserk.
> 
> Also: Fat men. I mean, Fat Men.
> 
> Also; soylent green is people. And I think there's some Fat Men in there. Just saying. Cuz, that would only be fair, right?
> 
> Wearily,
> SamanthaNY.



You must want me to go berserk and e-stalk you now, eh? I promise I will make it good for you 



William said:


> Hi Samantha
> 
> I never said that she said that I said that.......Ok lets stop that logic loop.
> 
> I will say that anytime I comment on how Fat Male experiences are hijacked by Fat Acceptance GEF and crew comes out with their *guns a blazing. *
> 
> 
> Hi Hayes
> 
> That is not a whine, just the facts.
> 
> William (night)



Big Guns Blazing doesn't seem to care much for you either....he made that decision on his own, believe it or not. Just like all the other people in this thread that say they are sick of your hijacks did it long before I entered this thread. They also do it in other threads that I don't even participate. Hate to burst that insulated little bubble that you have around your head, but it's not just me that is sick of your hijacks, it's many others all across the board. I have even seen them tell you to shove off with down on the BHM board.....with no help or urging from me. 
Sorry but I don't look for you William. I was already subscribed to this thread, enjoying it, long before you came it..... making a blanket insult of the boards, complaining, whining and made this mess long before I got here.......




KHayes666 said:


> To GEF.........You want Satan, wait till December 25th and he'll come down your chimney......wait, that sounded very VERY wrong. Oh wait you said Satan not Santa, could it be the same guy?



Santa is a Fat Man....you should not compare him to Satan 



William said:


> I do not need to speak for for those others groups, I have seen too many Fat Admirers smacked down for telling/assuming Fat Womens side of the story.
> 
> and luckily I have no problem speaking for myself
> 
> William



That's what all your posts are about....yourself. 



SamanthaNY said:


> You type words - but no one (or very few) understands them. They try, and ask for clarification, but you see unable to give it.
> 
> I know you try, but you appear incapable of accurately communicating. It might make sense to you - but it does not to the rest of us.
> 
> It's what so many have been trying to tell you... and it's why threads gets hijacked. *At some point, it just becomes funny*.



You know Samantha, it's BEEN funny for me for quite some time. I usually try not to respond to William's posts because it ALWAYS turns into this mess...however, I have to admit that it's highly amusing to me so I really don't mind after a while


----------



## B68

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> William, if you ever paid attention, you would have realized long ago that I really am berserk and enjoy messing around. You make yourself a big target for my fun-n-games. I'm not apologizing because I really do think you enjoy the attention and are willing to do/say anything for it anywhere, anytime.
> That is my honest perception of you......and anything you say to the contraire is unbelievable to me at this point in time. All your posts are about YOU...wanting attention and not "Fat Men" in general.
> 
> 
> 
> One of the best posts in this thread since William came into it
> 
> 
> 
> You must want me to go berserk and e-stalk you now, eh? I promise I will make it good for you
> 
> 
> 
> Big Guns Blazing doesn't seem to care much for you either....he made that decision on his own, believe it or not. Just like all the other people in this thread that say they are sick of your hijacks did it long before I entered this thread. They also do it in other threads that I don't even participate. Hate to burst that insulated little bubble that you have around your head, but it's not just me that is sick of your hijacks, it's many others all across the board. I have even seen them tell you to shove off with down on the BHM board.....with no help or urging from me.
> Sorry but I don't look for you William. I was already subscribed to this thread, enjoying it, long before you came it..... making a blanket insult of the boards, complaining, whining and made this mess long before I got here.......
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Santa is a Fat Man....you should not compare him to Satan
> 
> 
> 
> That's what all your posts are about....yourself.
> 
> 
> 
> You know Samantha, it's BEEN funny for me for quite some time. I usually try not to respond to William's posts because it ALWAYS turns into this mess...however, I have to admit that it's highly amusing to me so I really don't mind after a while



Ehh... BIG guns blazing...?

:blush:


----------



## SamanthaNY

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You know Samantha, it's BEEN funny for me for quite some time. I usually try not to respond to William's posts because it ALWAYS turns into this mess...however, I have to admit that it's highly amusing to me so I really don't mind after a while


It just HAS to end in laughter - cuz either people get angry at the frequent disruptions and passive-aggressive put-downs, or they get funny and make jokes. 

No one is going to curtail William's manipulative nagging and ability to disrupt - so at least something positive comes out of it.


----------



## loggamatt

William said:


> Hi Matt
> 
> I love the BHM board but it is not really the place to talk about Fat Acceptance issues that effect Fat Men. Also this is not really a thread dedicated to a BHM issue. The way the BHM issue has been handled in this thread and other threads is part of larger problem at Dimensions in that 3 out 4 people in this thread/poll feel out of place at Dimensions yet certain people swear there are no cliques or party-line at Dimensions.
> 
> I think that the constant drone at Dimension and in Fat Acceptance on how easy living fat as Man has become very tiresome. Of course they add a disclaimer that Fat Men have problems also, but the primary and consistent theme in these messages is "the life of Fat Men live on Easy St".
> 
> If any Fat Male dares to even suggest that it is more to it than what they have expressed then all hell breaks loose and wagons are circled.
> 
> I think and know that if any other group (say Fat Admirers) tried to define and document the history and experiences of Fat Women without any input from Fat Women there would be a revolt. This will never happen with Fat Men because they are so disenfranchised with Fat Acceptance already.
> 
> Maybe if people were not so reactive and disagreeable around here more of the 75% if the people in this poll/thread who feel out of place at Dimensions would speak up.
> 
> William



Ok people, I agree with a lot of this... If this is the point that William has been making consistently then I'm still not sure what the problem is?

I have many many many times heard BBW say that BHM have it easy in comparison, that people don't judge BHM in the same way that they judge BBW etc. And, like William, as a BHM I do find that irritating. I don't find it as irritating as William seems to, but I do understand why he feels that way.

For example, one thing I've noticed is that fat men and fat women are often treated differently in the work place by their colleagues. It is assumed that fat men have a 'sense of humour' about their size and so they are often the butt of office jokes/pranks regarding their size by other male colleagues. Yet those male colleagues wouldn't dare directly make fun of a female colleague's size to her face. Instead they're more likely to make comments behind her back.

Now, what's the harder experience to put up with? Being directly made fun of for your size in a 'matey' kind of way, or feeling like people are making fun of you indirectly behind your back?

I don't know. But I do think that often the women assume it'd be better living through the male experience and the men often assume it'd be better living through the female experience.

I think it is that assumption, and similar, that annoys William, right?

Because Dimensions seems to be more orientated towards BBW than BHM, William probably feels that the voices suggesting the male experience is easier are louder than the voices suggesting the female experience is easier.

Now, if William has made this point before and has been shouted down by the same people over and over (I, of course, don't know if this is the case... I'm just speculating) then I'm not at all surprised that he feels like he's being persecuted by a clique.

This said, I think we need to get away from a pissing contest to find out whether fat men or fat women have it worse and accept that we all have distinct experiences... we can all try to empathise with each other's experiences (and we should), but we can't assume that we know exactly what it is to be that person.


----------



## loggamatt

mossystate said:


> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42091
> 
> Just directing you here, so you can see how this is going to play out. Many people tried...tried real hard.



Seriously... that's like 60 pages long!! lol By the time I've read all of that William, yourself and I will all be long gone and the world will be run by hamsters (it could happen!)...


----------



## B68

loggamatt said:


> Seriously... that's like 60 pages long!! lol By the time I've read all of that William, yourself and I will all be long gone and the world will be run by hamsters (it could happen!)...



Yes, i think we need to focus on hamsters. They're taking over, while we're arguing and making jokes!


----------



## mossystate

Good morning, thread.

Matt...if you refuse to read the other thread...all of it...then you and William should really get a room to discuss all of...this.


----------



## loggamatt

mossystate said:


> Good morning, thread.
> 
> Matt...if you refuse to read the other thread...all of it...then you and William should really get a room to discuss all of...this.



Alright, but you do realise that the apology chocolate will be in that room with us right? And we may get peckish while discussing the finer points of the fat male experience......


----------



## loggamatt

B68 said:


> Yes, i think we need to focus on hamsters. They're taking over, while we're arguing and making jokes!



That's what I'm saying... look into their eyes, there's nothing but evil there. When will the world see??


----------



## mossystate

loggamatt said:


> And we may get peckish





Hey, this is a family show. I don't want to hear about your peckish.





I love hamsters.


----------



## Sanderson

B68 said:


> After a good sleep, there's still one thing that bothers me... There seems to be some misunderstanding of my car on Dimensions.
> 
> For the record, i think you can describe it as a SSBBWUV. Just thought i had to tell before moving on...



Quick thinking ... I like that! And you saved yourself on that one. LOL


----------



## SamanthaNY

loggamatt said:


> Alright, but you do realise that the apology chocolate will be in that room with us right? And we may get peckish while discussing the finer points of the fat male experience......



Have at it. Cuz firing off pronouncements of how unfair we all are - _without _reading the evidence, or considering that there may be a reason.... 

well enjoy that chocolate, you two. And your male experiences.


----------



## loggamatt

mossystate said:


> Hey, this is a family show. I don't want to hear about your peckish.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I love hamsters.



I was bitten by a hamster as a child 

Or maybe it was a gerbil... what's the difference anyway?


----------



## loggamatt

SamanthaNY said:


> Have at it. Cuz firing off pronouncements of how unfair we all are - _without _reading the evidence, or considering that there may be a reason....
> 
> well enjoy that chocolate, you two. And your male experiences.



I've already apologised for 'firing off pronouncements of how unfair you all are'. See above.


----------



## B68

loggamatt said:


> That's what I'm saying... look into their eyes, there's nothing but evil there. When will the world see??



As allways, when it's too late. People see dead people, fat people, people with big things, but hamsters... Ooo, they're so flaccid and furry and innocent!

Yeah, right...


----------



## Ichida

I am not a BHM but I am an FFA...I know I feel a little shunted to the side in comparison to the FA's - just so outnumbered. I guess mildly envious would be the words. I can see how some BHM would feel the same towards BBW.

Though this does remind me of a pissing contest in some ways - who cares who has it harder? As long as we all aknowledge the similar difficulties.


And yes. Hamsters. Cute, little, TEDDY BEAR hamsters! So cute you don't even get mad when they bite you!


----------



## B68

SSBBW_Valerie said:


> Quick thinking ... I like that! And you saved yourself on that one. LOL



I know, i understood it was a sensitive subject just in time...

No... seriously, what maniac FA wants to drive a too small car?


----------



## loggamatt

B68 said:


> I know, i understood it was a sensitive subject just in time...
> 
> No... seriously, what maniac FA wants to drive a too small car?



lol... ooooh... don't get me started on this one


----------



## B68

Really serious now.

We all have one thing in common. Fat! We have it and/or we love it. 

I say, celebrate fat! Forget about hamsters and pissing this evening. Sorry US, i've had diner already. 

I don't want to minimize our issues, but we can never ever totally agree with more than two/three people, so we can better look at the thing that brought all of us here. And again, celebrate the excistence of fat!


----------



## Ichida

Hear hear **raises glass to b68**

Now go eat something you skinny things...


----------



## B68

loggamatt said:


> lol... ooooh... don't get me started on this one



I think i know what you're thinking of... SSBBW in a tiny car=FA fantasy...


----------



## loggamatt

B68 said:


> Really serious now.
> 
> We all have one thing in common. Fat! We have it and/or we love it.
> 
> I say, celebrate fat! Forget about hamsters and pissing this evening. Sorry US, i've had diner already.
> 
> I don't want to minimize our issues, but we can never ever totally agree with more than two/three people, so we can better look at the thing that brought all of us here. And again, celebrate the excistence of fat!



Forget about pissing all evening? Dude, I'm busting here! Plus I can hear raindrops outside which doesn't help...

I do agree though... I think fat men and fat women can have it hard, sometimes in similar ways, sometimes in different ways. But, partly because of that this community has popped up... it's not perfect, and I've definitely had my own issues with it lately, but it's not so bad really 

And, as you say, fat people rock! I'm guessing most of us can agree on that?


----------



## loggamatt

B68 said:


> I think i know what you're thinking of... SSBBW in a tiny car=FA fantasy...



Well there is that... plus it puts me in mind of a thread from many months ago........ but enough of that


----------



## B68

Maybe i'm out of line now, but i think William may have given life to a new clique over the last 20 hours or so...


----------



## stan_der_man

loggamatt said:


> I was bitten by a hamster as a child
> 
> Or maybe it was a gerbil... what's the difference anyway?



One of the primary differences between the hamster and the gerbil is socialization needs. Gerbils in the wild live in groups for the most part. The solitary gerbil in the cage may be quite unhappy. Thus if one is choosing a gerbil it is best to purchase more than one to prevent loneliness. However, when buying more than one gerbil, it is wiser to get younger gerbils, as they will naturally bond.

If one wishes to avoid a gerbil family, choose two male gerbils. Female gerbils tend to be more aggressive with each other, but males tend to get along fairly well. This is particularly the case if they are littermates or are housed together at a young age.

The hamster, conversely, tends not to need a friend in captivity. So if one is looking for a single small pet, the hamster may be the better choice. Female hamsters tend to be aggressive with each other, as well. So one should avoid housing two female hamsters together. Two male hamsters are ideal.

Another big difference between the hamster and gerbil is sleeping patterns. Hamsters are nocturnal, and will spend most of the day sleeping. The captive gerbil is diurnal, and thus will not disturb one’s sleep by shuffling or digging around in a cage. The captive gerbil is more up for play during the day, while the hamster may not be quite as happy to wake up and play.

The hamster and gerbil eat basically the same diet. However, the gerbil is more likely to be gassy or have diarrhea if given an excess amount of green vegetables or fruit. Most gerbils enjoy a small amount of fruit and veggies, but it should remain a small amount.

The gerbil also has a slightly different personality than the hamster. It tends to be a little more active, and a little more hyper. Both animals need lots of exercise, but a hamster or gerbil wheel in a cage should never have wires or slots. Both animals can catch a foot in a wheel, and the gerbil can catch his or her tail. This can result in broken bones, so choose a wheel with a smooth surface for either animal.

The hamster and gerbil also differ in appearance. The gerbil has a soft tail, and enjoys standing on its hind legs. The hamster has no tail. Many consider the gerbil to be more rat or mouselike in appearance than the hamster because of its longer snout. It is more closely related to these rodents than the hamster. Those who enjoy rats and mice may find the gerbil more visually appealing. Those who are not fond of rats and mice may find the hamster has the most appeal.

The gerbil has a higher risk of overheating. If one does not have air conditioning, then a gerbil should have a temperature-controlled cage that protects the animal from overheating. Care guides for them do suggest a cage or aquarium type enclosure be temperature controlled between 68° to 77° F (20° to 25° C) because gerbils can get dehydrated in hotter temperatures.

Both the hamster and gerbil can be gently raised to not bite. However, the hamster is a little more prone to biting. This can occur if the hamster is suddenly startled or if it is suddenly woken from a deep sleep.

The hamster and gerbil have the same average life span, about three years. Different varieties may have a slightly longer life span. Some gerbils and hamsters can live for up to seven years, though this is unusual.

Last but not least, gerbils are banned in California, I personally have only owned a hamster. I can tell you first hand that if you give the little bastards half a chance they'll chew through all of the electrical cords under your furniture.






Next question please?


----------



## loggamatt

fa_man_stan said:


> One of the primary differences between the hamster and the gerbil is socialization needs. Gerbils in the wild live in groups for the most part. The solitary gerbil in the cage may be quite unhappy. Thus if one is choosing a gerbil it is best to purchase more than one to prevent loneliness. However, when buying more than one gerbil, it is wiser to get younger gerbils, as they will naturally bond.
> 
> If one wishes to avoid a gerbil family, choose two male gerbils. Female gerbils tend to be more aggressive with each other, but males tend to get along fairly well. This is particularly the case if they are littermates or are housed together at a young age.
> 
> The hamster, conversely, tends not to need a friend in captivity. So if one is looking for a single small pet, the hamster may be the better choice. Female hamsters tend to be aggressive with each other, as well. So one should avoid housing two female hamsters together. Two male hamsters are ideal.
> 
> Another big difference between the hamster and gerbil is sleeping patterns. Hamsters are nocturnal, and will spend most of the day sleeping. The captive gerbil is diurnal, and thus will not disturb ones sleep by shuffling or digging around in a cage. The captive gerbil is more up for play during the day, while the hamster may not be quite as happy to wake up and play.
> 
> The hamster and gerbil eat basically the same diet. However, the gerbil is more likely to be gassy or have diarrhea if given an excess amount of green vegetables or fruit. Most gerbils enjoy a small amount of fruit and veggies, but it should remain a small amount.
> 
> The gerbil also has a slightly different personality than the hamster. It tends to be a little more active, and a little more hyper. Both animals need lots of exercise, but a hamster or gerbil wheel in a cage should never have wires or slots. Both animals can catch a foot in a wheel, and the gerbil can catch his or her tail. This can result in broken bones, so choose a wheel with a smooth surface for either animal.
> 
> The hamster and gerbil also differ in appearance. The gerbil has a soft tail, and enjoys standing on its hind legs. The hamster has no tail. Many consider the gerbil to be more rat or mouselike in appearance than the hamster because of its longer snout. It is more closely related to these rodents than the hamster. Those who enjoy rats and mice may find the gerbil more visually appealing. Those who are not fond of rats and mice may find the hamster has the most appeal.
> 
> The gerbil has a higher risk of overheating. If one does not have air conditioning, then a gerbil should have a temperature-controlled cage that protects the animal from overheating. Care guides for them do suggest a cage or aquarium type enclosure be temperature controlled between 68° to 77° F (20° to 25° C) because gerbils can get dehydrated in hotter temperatures.
> 
> Both the hamster and gerbil can be gently raised to not bite. However, the hamster is a little more prone to biting. This can occur if the hamster is suddenly startled or if it is suddenly woken from a deep sleep.
> 
> The hamster and gerbil have the same average life span, about three years. Different varieties may have a slightly longer life span. Some gerbils and hamsters can live for up to seven years, though this is unusual.
> 
> Last but not least, gerbils are banned in California, I personally have only owned a hamster. I can tell you first hand that if you give the little bastards half a chance they'll chew through all of the electrical cords under your furniture.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Next question please?



*applauds* Post of the year contender I feel!


----------



## B68

fa_man_stan said:


> The hamster and gerbil have the same average life span, about three years. Different varieties may have a slightly longer life span. Some gerbils and hamsters can live for up to seven years, though this is unusual.



This is disturbing... 

Stan, what will the hamster be like ten years from now?


----------



## stan_der_man

B68 said:


> The hamster and gerbil have the same average life span, about three years. Different varieties may have a slightly longer life span. Some gerbils and hamsters can live for up to seven years, though this is unusual.This is disturbing...
> 
> Stan, what will the hamster be like ten years from now?



Unfortunately Mr. B68, a definitive answer to this question I cannot provide to you, it all depends on diet, environment and lifestyle...


Speaking of life style...



fa_man_stan said:


> If one wishes to avoid a gerbil family, choose two male gerbils. Female gerbils tend to be more aggressive with each other, but males tend to get along fairly well. This is particularly the case if they are littermates or are housed together at a young age.



If the right to gay marriage passes here in California... Gay male gerbils will be the more likely to have a successful marriage compared to lesbian female gerbils.

And regarding the "littermates" part... I recommend changing their litter often, gerbil cages can stink up a room pronto.

Any further questions...?


----------



## Tad

You asked if there were any other questions, so.....



> Last but not least, gerbils are banned in California,



Any clue as to why?

And to add: social or not, our gerbil was not nearly as interested in making friends with that chipmunk as the chipmunk was in making friends with the gerbil. The Chipmunk even hung out for several seconds, at great risk to life and limb, trying to get the gerbil to flee the approaching cat. The gerbil, being safe in its cage, was not worried about the cat nor able to flee, but couldn't seem to communicate that across the rodent language barrier.


----------



## stan_der_man

edx said:


> You asked if there were any other questions, so.....
> 
> 
> 
> Any clue as to why?
> 
> ...



There are certain animals that are banned in CA because of a fear by officials that they will acclimate and compete with native species. Ferrets are another example of an animal that is banned here.




...so ah...ehem.... getting back on topic.


Recently, Mtmaiden started buying that clumping cat litter stuff for our cat's litter tray. Last night, my olfactory senses alerted me to a noxious aroma wafting out of the kitty's litter box. Upon inspection, I discovered a nearly fist sized cat turd that was noticeably in the shape of Alfred Hitchcock's profile (with the clumping cat litter surrounding the soft inner core of moist cat shit, it almost looked like an Alfred Hitchcock sugar cookie... I was tempted to take a bite, but I resisted the urge... anyhoo...)

I thought about posting a picture of this delectable nugget on the BHM board, but I feared this would only further alienate me from the other BHMs and the female FAs who admire them.


----------



## Victim

edx said:


> Any clue as to why?



Something to do with Richard Gere.


----------



## William

Hi GEF

I really do not mind any post that that contradicts me or says that I am wrong.But troll-like barrages of posts by multiple people are a just a pain and uses up Conrad's bandwidth.

Yes I have noticed that you are out spoken, only your post are always accepted by the local clique (kidding) 

I do not hold any grudges any more, I can still Google back and posts be the younger meaner William and they were terrible.

I have school tonight so see you guys later. 

William




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> William, if you ever paid attention, you would have realized long ago that I really am berserk and enjoy messing around. You make yourself a big target for my fun-n-games. I'm not apologizing because I really do think you enjoy the attention and are willing to do/say anything for it anywhere, anytime.
> That is my honest perception of you......and anything you say to the contraire is unbelievable to me at this point in time. All your posts are about YOU...wanting attention and not "Fat Men" in general.
> 
> 
> 
> One of the best posts in this thread since William came into it
> 
> 
> 
> You must want me to go berserk and e-stalk you now, eh? I promise I will make it good for you
> 
> 
> 
> Big Guns Blazing doesn't seem to care much for you either....he made that decision on his own, believe it or not. Just like all the other people in this thread that say they are sick of your hijacks did it long before I entered this thread. They also do it in other threads that I don't even participate. Hate to burst that insulated little bubble that you have around your head, but it's not just me that is sick of your hijacks, it's many others all across the board. I have even seen them tell you to shove off with down on the BHM board.....with no help or urging from me.
> Sorry but I don't look for you William. I was already subscribed to this thread, enjoying it, long before you came it..... making a blanket insult of the boards, complaining, whining and made this mess long before I got here.......
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Santa is a Fat Man....you should not compare him to Satan
> 
> 
> 
> That's what all your posts are about....yourself.
> 
> 
> 
> You know Samantha, it's BEEN funny for me for quite some time. I usually try not to respond to William's posts because it ALWAYS turns into this mess...however, I have to admit that it's highly amusing to me so I really don't mind after a while


----------



## William

Hi Victim

A large part of what Fat Acceptance is about is talking about stuff, even gatherings are about talking unless they are about dancing, eating and partying.

People call ideas that they do not want to deal with whining or complaining, it is just human nature.

William




Victim said:


> There is no substitute for action. I write BHM themed fiction (not wank fodder, real fiction with BHM and FFA characters), donate to BHM supportive sites such as the bhmffaconnection, and actually go out of my way to let BHM in the real world know there is online support.
> 
> There are things that can be done besides complain. Do something...


----------



## mossystate

William, 

You sure are using a lot of bandwidth just to tell many people that we have our heads in the sand, and that none of this could have anything to do with you. 

I suppose that is human nature.


Think about the bandwidth, since I don't.

Night, 

Mossystate


----------



## TraciJo67

William,

While I don't want to comment on what's going on in this thread (and elsewhere, as it involves you), I did want to compliment you on your tenacity. I mean that.

Sincerely,
Traci


----------



## stan_der_man

TraciJo67 said:


> William,
> 
> While I don't want to comment on what's going on in this thread (and elsewhere, as it involves you), I did want to compliment you on your tenacity. I mean that.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Traci



I'll second that. As I said in that other thread some time back William... You believe in what you believe in and you stick with it, some of it I do even partially understand. Gotta give you credit for that! :bow:


----------



## mossystate

Everybody who has more than 5 posts in this thread...deserves credit.


----------



## TraciJo67

mossystate said:


> Everybody who has more than 5 posts in this thread...deserves credit.



Here's your credit, Mossything.


----------



## mossystate

Funny, you don't look that limber.


----------



## stan_der_man

I'd be willing to bet it's nice and warm in there, even during the cold winter months...


----------



## Santaclear

Fat men are like lobsters, fat women are like hamsters. (This is a generalization. It's the working title for a book.)


----------



## stan_der_man

Santaclear said:


> Fat men are like lobsters, fat women are like hamsters. (This is a generalization. It's the working title for a book.)



So that's what women mean when they sometimes refer to themselves as being "fluffy"...


----------



## Santaclear

fa_man_stan said:


> So that's what women mean when they sometimes refer to themselves as being "fluffy"...



Yeah, that's part of it. There are a lot of discrepancies that still have to be worked out but I hope it will be a best seller.


----------



## B68

Try to say 'fluffy' when you're a hamster, or another rodent...


----------



## Santaclear

B68 said:


> Try to say 'fluffy' when you're a hamster, or another rodent...



Exactly. Most hamsters and lobsters can't speak, and that's one of the problems I'm addressing in my book.

There are so many taboos regarding this subject.


----------



## William

Hi 

Tracijo

I find that people hate when a person stays on topic and stays civil 

It brings out the sarcasm in them

William



TraciJo67 said:


> William,
> 
> While I don't want to comment on what's going on in this thread (and elsewhere, as it involves you), I did want to compliment you on your tenacity. I mean that.
> 
> Sincerely,
> Traci


----------



## stan_der_man

B68 said:


> Try to say 'fluffy' when you're a hamster, or another rodent...



I think it's all in how they wiggle their noses... or other body parts...




And Santaclear... I know this will probably all be in your book... I also heard that it's possible for lobsters to get crabs in their chest hairs... Is that really true?


----------



## KHayes666

I no longer feel out of place, I think my heads beginning to clear up once and for all


----------



## Allie Cat

KHayes666 said:


> I no longer feel out of place, I think my heads beginning to clear up once and for all



Yeah, erm.. ditto  For the most part at least.


----------



## Santaclear

fa_man_stan said:


> Santaclear... I know this will probably all be in your book... I also heard that it's possible for lobsters to get crabs in their chest hairs... Is that really true?



I hadn't heard about that. I suppose anything is possible.

They'd have to rub cream on their chests using those little pincher things. It sounds like a tough spot to be in.


----------



## B68

fa_man_stan said:


> I think it's all in how they wiggle their noses... or other body parts...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And Santaclear... I know this will probably all be in your book... I also heard that it's possible for lobsters to get crabs in their chest hairs... Is that really true?



Don't remind me of the other bodyparts...

And do the crabs represent skinny women?


----------



## mossystate

Hmmmmmm.....


....I wonder if any one has ever felt Out Of Whack, at Dimensions....





and I don't want to hear from the chronic masturbators who are having an off day


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

B68 said:


> Ehh... BIG guns blazing...?
> 
> :blush:



Freudian slip? :batting:



William said:


> Hi GEF
> 
> I really do not mind any post that that contradicts me or says that I am wrong.But troll-like barrages of posts by multiple people are a just a pain and uses up Conrad's bandwidth.
> 
> Yes I have noticed that you are out spoken, only your post are always accepted by the local clique (kidding)
> 
> I do not hold any grudges any more, I can still Google back and posts be the younger meaner William and they were terrible.
> 
> I have school tonight so see you guys later.
> 
> William



William, 

I don't like the crap you pull. I come in and tell you that I don't like the crap you pull. 

If others choose to also come in and tell you that they don't like the crap you pull, they do so on their own. 

I don't implore, beg, cajole, PM, ask, email or even suggest that anyone agree with me.....or post "against you". 

If a LOT of people get sick of the crap you pull...perhaps you should take heed of what you are doing if that bothers you. There is no "collective group effort" against you......you really are not THAT important. 

Your main problem seems to be that you think that everyone else is wrong while you're the only one right.......





TraciJo67 said:


> Here's your credit, Mossything.



I didn't think Mossy is the one with a head up the ass in this thread........:doh:


----------



## B68

mossystate said:


> Hmmmmmm.....
> 
> 
> ....I wonder if any one has ever felt Out Of Whack, at Dimensions....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> and I don't want to hear from the chronic masturbators who are having an off day



Oooo, i had whack already. Just look at my avatar...


----------



## B68

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Freudian slip? :batting:



Just Freud along... Some women think i do the same all the time.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Methinks B68 is trying to get me all worked up again.......:wubu:


----------



## B68

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Methinks B68 is trying to get me all worked up again.......:wubu:



Methinks b68 is just clumsy typing in English. He's not that bad.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

B68 said:


> Methinks b68 is just clumsy typing in English. He's not that bad.




So stop typing and post pics of your big..............gun :smitten:


----------



## mossystate

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I didn't think Mossy is the one with a head up the ass in this thread........:doh:



Traci does not like me. She used to, but, I guess I will just have to accept this.



B68 said:


> Oooo, i had whack already. Just look at my avatar...



Let me have a go.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

I keep thinking B68 looks like some kinda l33t spelling of my BGB haha


----------



## Santaclear

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I didn't think Mossy is the one with a head up the ass in this thread........:doh:



I applaud *anyone* who can get their head up their ass in this thread. It's a tough path. Much respect. :bow:


----------



## Donna

never mind....


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I keep thinking B68 looks like some kinda l33t spelling of my BGB haha




Welcome back BIG guns blazing


----------



## B68

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I keep thinking B68 looks like some kinda l33t spelling of my BGB haha



You see, i can't figure that one out with just a dictionary...


----------



## imfree

Santaclear said:


> I applaud *anyone* who can get their head up their ass in this thread. It's a tough path. Much respect. :bow:



I applaud the person who created that great morph!:bow:


----------



## B68

Donna said:


> never mind....



No, just join the confusion


----------



## William

Hi GEF

I do not always think that I am right, but I do know the custom in Fat Acceptance of other describing the world that BHMs have live in and deal with is bogus. I am sorry if you consider that crap.

My saying this seems to drive some people in Fat Acceptance insane, that is the way things are. The world is not perfect. 






Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Freudian slip? :batting:
> 
> 
> 
> William,
> 
> I don't like the crap you pull. I come in and tell you that I don't like the crap you pull.
> 
> If others choose to also come in and tell you that they don't like the crap you pull, they do so on their own.
> 
> I don't implore, beg, cajole, PM, ask, email or even suggest that anyone agree with me.....or post "against you".
> 
> If a LOT of people get sick of the crap you pull...perhaps you should take heed of what you are doing if that bothers you. There is no "collective group effort" against you......you really are not THAT important.
> 
> Your main problem seems to be that you think that everyone else is wrong while you're the only one right.......
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I didn't think Mossy is the one with a head up the ass in this thread........:doh:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

William said:


> Hi GEF
> 
> I do not always think that I am right, but I do know the custom in Fat Acceptance of other describing the world that BHMs have live in and deal with is bogus. I am sorry if you consider that crap.
> 
> My saying this seems to drive some people in Fat Acceptance insane, that is the way things are. The world is not perfect.



Hi William,


Stop trying to pretend again dear. You know good and well that I did not say that the words of BHMs in general are crap. I said YOUR words are crap because you are falsely representing your "mission" here. Simple enough? 

You should learn to take my dislike of you much more personally than you do....I like me sum fat men folk from time to time. I just don't like you and your antics in particular. 

Have a wonderful evening working on your special projects. 

Sincerely,

Green Eyed Fairy


P.S. I hope that Logga fella likes me now since I have been very polite in this post.


----------



## Surlysomething

William said:


> Hi GEF
> 
> I do not always think that I am right, but I do know the custom in Fat Acceptance of other describing the world that BHMs have live in and deal with is bogus. I am sorry if you consider that crap.


----------



## William

Hi GEF

Well the only thing that people seem to disagree with me is my statements about how differently the experiences of BHMs are handled by Fat Acceptance and here you are saying people are tired of the crap that I pull.

I have no antics and I am straight forth with my point of view.

What was your answer to my question of why would Fat Men like that their history and experiences that are generally used and accepted in Fat Acceptance are not even their own words and thoughts? I find it similar to what society at large has done to all Fat People, write anything they want about us.

William




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Hi William,
> 
> 
> Stop trying to pretend again dear. You know good and well that I did not say that the words of BHMs in general are crap. I said YOUR words are crap because you are falsely representing your "mission" here. Simple enough?
> 
> You should learn to take my dislike of you much more personally than you do....I like me sum fat men folk from time to time. I just don't like you and your antics in particular.
> 
> Have a wonderful evening working on your special projects.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Green Eyed Fairy
> 
> 
> P.S. I hope that Logga fella likes me now since I have been very polite in this post.


----------



## Santaclear

Fat men are like woodchucks, fat women are like beavers.


----------



## SamanthaNY

Dear GEF, 

It wasn't simple enough. 

Unastonished, 

Sam.


----------



## FreeThinker

Any chance some of this could be taken up in its own thread?

I'm afraid that those who feel left out at Dimensions, or those who feel they have something to add to the original topic, may feel hesitant to post here, given that they may not care to add to the discussion currently underway.

No offense meant to those involved (I actually thought the hamster/gerbil post was interesting and read the whole thing), but I would not like to see the disenfranchised have this thread taken away from them as a place in which they might raise their concerns, and possibly find some solutions.

(I know that merely starting this thread doesn't give me ownership of it, and I apologize if I'm coming across as overbearing, but I'd like to give some of the folks that this thread addresses some "air-time" as well.)


Sheepish apologies,
-Free


----------



## mossystate

I have opened a new business.


----------



## mossystate

FreeThinker said:


> Any chance some of this could be taken up in its own thread?
> 
> I'm afraid that those who feel left out at Dimensions, or those who feel they have something to add to the original topic, may feel hesitant to post here, given that they may not care to add to the discussion currently underway.
> 
> No offense meant to those involved (I actually thought the hamster/gerbil post was interesting and read the whole thing), but I would not like to see the disenfranchised have this thread taken away from them as a place in which they might raise their concerns, and possibly find some solutions.
> 
> (I know that merely starting this thread doesn't give me ownership of it, and I apologize if I'm coming across as overbearing, but I'd like to give some of the folks that this thread addresses some "air-time" as well.)
> 
> 
> Sheepish apologies,
> -Free



Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

Actually, I think many of us want the same thing to happen. I think by doing what ' we ' are doing, we are pushing for that, in a wacky way. So, yes, perhaps William would like to start a thread? I hope he will.

No apologies required, Free.


----------



## Victim

William said:


> Hi GEF
> 
> I do not always think that I am right, but I do know the custom in Fat Acceptance of other describing the world that BHMs have live in and deal with is bogus. I am sorry if you consider that crap.
> 
> My saying this seems to drive some people in Fat Acceptance insane, that is the way things are. The world is not perfect.



The world is my bitch. I craft the world around me to my will until it suits me. You should do the same. You CAN do the same.


----------



## stan_der_man

Surlysomething said:


>



And then just when you think things have settled...







Ok... last bit of sillyness, I promise Freethinker...


----------



## William

Hi 

If that is true then why did we create Fat Acceptance? Absolute statements like yours have no place in the real world. I live and deal with the real world and still have time for insightful comments about life.

William




Victim said:


> The world is my bitch. I craft the world around me to my will until it suits me. You should do the same. You CAN do the same.


----------



## KHayes666

William said:


> Hi
> 
> If that is true then why did we create Fat Acceptance? Absolute statements like yours have no place in the real world. I live and deal with the real world and still have time for insightful comments about life.
> 
> William



I treat men all the same since I am not attracted to them. I went to a Red Sox game with a heavy hitter and treated him the same as I did when I went to a Bruins game with a skinny friend of mine. You aren't gonna get any special treatment from the male members of the board because 95 percent of them aren't attracted to you, so why bitch about fat acceptance when the male aspect doesn't give a damn?

On the other hand, maybe girls simply don't like your attitude, nothing to do with size, just your attitude of "I'm fat and I'm pissed" is a turn off. Just a thought


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

KHayes666 said:


> I treat men all the same since I am not attracted to them. I went to a Red Sox game with a heavy hitter and treated him the same as I did when I went to a Bruins game with a skinny friend of mine. You aren't gonna get any special treatment from the male members of the board because 95 percent of them aren't attracted to you, so why bitch about fat acceptance when the male aspect doesn't give a damn?



I don't really ever agree with anything William says, mostly because he never says anything, but what exactly does attraction have to do with simply treating people with respect? Isn't that what this whole size acceptance thing is about?
Not just uniting people who are attracted to fat women/men and BBW/BHM but getting people who aren't to just have some respect regardless of attraction?

I don't see why you have to be attracted to some one to want to do something to help all this along. I don't find every big woman attractive but I want the same thing for all of them. Universal acceptance. Same with fat men.

"Ah, I need to respect the hell outta that chick, but not so much that one, because I just wanna bang the hot one."


----------



## William

Hi 

You are talking about Fat admiration which is different from Fat Acceptance. Fat Acceptance is about acceptance of Fat People in general which would be all Fat People.


Too many statements made in Fat Acceptance and coming from Fat Acceptance portray Fat Men as second class or marginal members of the Fat Community. Most comments about Fat Men in Fat Acceptance not made by Fat Man are nothing more than last minute clauses to make a comment not be sexist.

This has nothing to do with who you take to a hockey game.

William




KHayes666 said:


> I treat men all the same since I am not attracted to them. I went to a Red Sox game with a heavy hitter and treated him the same as I did when I went to a Bruins game with a skinny friend of mine. You aren't gonna get any special treatment from the male members of the board because 95 percent of them aren't attracted to you, so why bitch about fat acceptance when the male aspect doesn't give a damn?
> 
> On the other hand, maybe girls simply don't like your attitude, nothing to do with size, just your attitude of "I'm fat and I'm pissed" is a turn off. Just a thought


----------



## William

Hi BGB

You understand exactly what Fat/Size Acceptance is. 

The message coming out of Fat Acceptance should fit what Fat Acceptance stands for. The Fat Acceptance message should not say that Fat Men are just marginally Fat People. Too much of the rhetoric in Fat Acceptance focuses on on what Fat Men do not experience instead of being proactive and focusing on what they do experience.

William




BothGunsBlazing said:


> I don't really ever agree with anything William says, mostly because he never says anything, but what exactly does attraction have to do with simply treating people with respect? Isn't that what this whole size acceptance thing is about?
> Not just uniting people who are attracted to fat women/men and BBW/BHM but getting people who aren't to just have some respect regardless of attraction?
> 
> I don't see why you have to be attracted to some one to want to do something to help all this along. I don't find every big woman attractive but I want the same thing for all of them. Universal acceptance. Same with fat men.
> 
> "Ah, I need to respect the hell outta that chick, but not so much that one, because I just wanna bang the hot one."


----------



## activistfatgirl

William said:


> Hi
> 
> You are talking about Fat admiration which is different from Fat Acceptance. Fat Acceptance is about acceptance of Fat People in general which would be all Fat People.
> 
> 
> Too many statements made in Fat Acceptance and coming from Fat Acceptance portray Fat Men as second class or marginal members of the Fat Community. Most comments about Fat Men in Fat Acceptance not made by Fat Man are nothing more than last minute clauses to make a comment not be sexist.
> 
> This has nothing to do with who you take to a hockey game.
> 
> William



WILLIAM!

I think sometimes when people have an opinion that they think that everyone else disagrees with they get so used to fighting about it aggressively they would have NO idea how to actually get a useful discussion going about it. Many of us have not been involved in threads on this discussion already, so we can be convinced. Those that have are reacting to your manner of communicating. If you hope to change this trend in FA, what can you do?

I'd suggest another new thread to discuss this, and to drop it in situations like this where your demeanor and posting history are diluting the subject. You'll note that PAGES into this, very, very few of posts in response to your posts have ANYTHING to do with the subject of your argument. You're not helping ANYONE understand your point (which I support, and can see) because you're simply a difficult to understand poster with a poor posting history on this subject. That is about YOU and not your embodiment as a fat man. I believe these trends you are talking about are real, but can guarantee to you that you're not making change. Take it to the main dims board, and don't be aggressive, which shuts people down.

Let's just say that this advice comes from a tremendous amount of experience vocalizing and organizing for minority views...

ETA: Please think about this. Let's take me, who agrees that there's a poor consciousness in the FA movement about fat men (mostly because of the poor interaction between admiration and acceptance, which you'll see in the exchange between BGB and KHayes). However, you've ALWAYS alienated me because of the railing nature of your comments that lay down a blanket statement that we all must disagree with you. I don't. I disagree with, and continue to, with the shrieking nature of it all. God, I hope this makes sense.


----------



## LalaCity

Hamsters are stinky.

Cute, but stinky.


----------



## LalaCity

mossystate said:


> I have opened a new business.



That's a prairie dog, dammit.


----------



## KHayes666

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I don't really ever agree with anything William says, mostly because he never says anything, but what exactly does attraction have to do with simply treating people with respect? Isn't that what this whole size acceptance thing is about?
> Not just uniting people who are attracted to fat women/men and BBW/BHM but getting people who aren't to just have some respect regardless of attraction?
> 
> I don't see why you have to be attracted to some one to want to do something to help all this along. I don't find every big woman attractive but I want the same thing for all of them. Universal acceptance. Same with fat men.
> 
> "Ah, I need to respect the hell outta that chick, but not so much that one, because I just wanna bang the hot one."



I'm saying from a male standpoint, if someone's whining about their size and how they get no respect on a web board with size is accepted, you look at it as "Why is this guy bitching?"

I learned firsthand that whining gets nowhere so I'm trying to pass the memo along, good attitude equals acceptance.


----------



## Surlysomething

fa_man_stan said:


> And then just when you think things have settled...
> 
> ]
> 
> 
> Ok... last bit of sillyness, I promise Freethinker...




Good day, bad day? Same diff?


----------



## Victim

William said:


> Hi
> 
> If that is true then why did we create Fat Acceptance? Absolute statements like yours have no place in the real world. I live and deal with the real world and still have time for insightful comments about life.
> 
> William



Okay, I should have provided a bit more insight. First off, realize that you are at war. Has ANY war been won by sitting in the corner and whining that you don't have enough weapons or troops? No.

Fight from a position of power, and do NOT underestimate the value of allies. It might even be necessary to side with your allies instead of the main force for you to see your true value in the fight. As a fat man I do this by taking sides with FFA. They may (or may not) have their own reasons, but that doesn't matter. You both want to see fat men take a more prominent position in SA and society in general. This is part of shifting your world view to a position of power.

Start small and fight battles you can actually win. I use the term battle loosely here, it need not involve confrontation, at least not yet anyway. Right now I'm publishing fiction both on the web and in print that involves BHM and FFA characters in traditional fictional roles, without fat fetishism. My plan is that some people outside the SA community will read these and might start to reconsider their views. I'm starting to see some success too.

If you are more concerned with your postion within the SA community, then find some allies with a common goal and start to do something. Eventually you'll be seen as someone actually capable of advancing the cause. Once you have a larger weapon you might just get more troops on your side. Either that or Green Eyed Fairy will ask you to post pics of it.


----------



## William

Victim 

Your previous statement flies in the Face of every person who has come to these forums to share their problems. 

Why do you assume I am at war?? 

You may need to look at yourself to understand why you consider my simple questions whining.

If anyone else here feels that the experiences of Fat Men are more than one line statements that most people post about lighter burden of Fat Men, please jump in and post. If a person feels that the one sentences that most FAs dedicate to Fat Men is sufficient, then never mind.

In my other online haunts I have great exchanges with FFAs, BBWs, Feminist BBWs and BHMs, who do take the subject of BHMs as a topic about real people, that deal with real problems. They do no make Fat Men into one dimensional caricatures like Main Stream Fat Acceptance does.

There has been some great talk here on the FFA/BHM Forum and I do tell people even it they are the kind that hate places like Dimensions. 

William






Victim said:


> Okay, I should have provided a bit more insight. First off, realize that you are at war. Has ANY war been won by sitting in the corner and whining that you don't have enough weapons or troops? No.
> 
> Fight from a position of power, and do NOT underestimate the value of allies. It might even be necessary to side with your allies instead of the main force for you to see your true value in the fight. As a fat man I do this by taking sides with FFA. They may (or may not) have their own reasons, but that doesn't matter. You both want to see fat men take a more prominent position in SA and society in general. This is part of shifting your world view to a position of power.
> 
> Start small and fight battles you can actually win. I use the term battle loosely here, it need not involve confrontation, at least not yet anyway. Right now I'm publishing fiction both on the web and in print that involves BHM and FFA characters in traditional fictional roles, without fat fetishism. My plan is that some people outside the SA community will read these and might start to reconsider their views. I'm starting to see some success too.
> 
> If you are more concerned with your postion within the SA community, then find some allies with a common goal and start to do something. Eventually you'll be seen as someone actually capable of advancing the cause. Once you have a larger weapon you might just get more troops on your side. Either that or Green Eyed Fairy will ask you to post pics of it.


----------



## Blackjack

William, if this is the point:
*.*​

Then a blind man floating in space around- oh, let's say Neptune- has a better chance of _not missing it _than you do.


----------



## loggamatt

William said:


> Victim
> 
> Your previous statement flies in the Face of every person who has come to these forums to share their problems.
> 
> Why do you assume I am at war??
> 
> You may need to look at yourself to understand why you consider my simple questions whining.
> 
> If anyone else here feels that the experiences of Fat Men are more than one line statements that most people post about lighter burden of Fat Men, please jump in and post. If a person feels that the one sentences that most FAs dedicate to Fat Men is sufficient, then never mind.
> 
> In my other online haunts I have great exchanges with FFAs, BBWs, Feminist BBWs and BHMs, who do take the subject of BHMs as a topic about real people, that deal with real problems. They do no make Fat Men into one dimensional caricatures like Main Stream Fat Acceptance does.
> 
> There has been some great talk here on the FFA/BHM Forum and I do tell people even it they are the kind that hate places like Dimensions.
> 
> William



But I've tried to discuss this issue with you on this thread and you haven't replied yet... you've only replied to people who are criticising you, not to people who are supporting you.

I wonder a little why this is... perhaps you don't feel that I have anything insightful to say on this topic, which is fine. Perhaps your detractors are right and you're more interesting in "whining" about this issue than actually discussing it and making progress on a greater understanding of fat men on Dimensions. Or perhaps you're so busy responding to criticism on this thread that you don't have the chance to discuss substantive issues. If this is the case, I would recommend drawing a line under this issue in this thread and starting a new thread specifically to discuss this issue. I for one would be happy to participate as I think a discussion of fat men in the size acceptance world is potentially an interesting one...


----------



## SamanthaNY

Criminy - someone - anyone... whoever has an interest in it, for the love of pete... 

start that dang fat men thread already! 

PLEASE.

And if you cap what shouldn't be in the thread title, I'll punch you in the throat.


----------



## William

Hi Matt

Sorry I have had my hands full here. You are right the opposition does stick out like a sore thumb.


Are you talking about a new article on the Main Board?

William




loggamatt said:


> But I've tried to discuss this issue with you on this thread and you haven't replied yet... you've only replied to people who are criticising you, not to people who are supporting you.
> 
> I wonder a little why this is... perhaps you don't feel that I have anything insightful to say on this topic, which is fine. Perhaps your detractors are right and you're more interesting in "whining" about this issue than actually discussing it and making progress on a greater understanding of fat men on Dimensions. Or perhaps you're so busy responding to criticism on this thread that you don't have the chance to discuss substantive issues. If this is the case, I would recommend drawing a line under this issue in this thread and starting a new thread specifically to discuss this issue. I for one would be happy to participate as I think a discussion of fat men in the size acceptance world is potentially an interesting one...


----------



## William

Everyone hates a grammar Nazi

William 

PS I like the looks of Fat Man







SamanthaNY said:


> Criminy - someone - anyone... whoever has an interest in it, for the love of pete...
> 
> start that dang fat men thread already!
> 
> PLEASE.
> 
> And if you cap what shouldn't be in the thread title, I'll punch you in the throat.


----------



## loggamatt

William said:


> Hi Matt
> 
> Sorry I have had my hands full here. You are right the opposition does stick out like a sore thumb.
> 
> 
> Are you talking about a new article on the Main Board?
> 
> William



No worries, I understand 

And yeah... a new thread on the main board would be great! I really do think this is an interesting issue... there are SO many differences in the way that fat men and fat women are treated. Some of the differences are better for fat men, some are worse for fat men. But I'm not sure I can remember ever seeing a good thread about this on Dimensions... and as this seems to be your pet topic, I think you're the right man to start one!

Though, I'm about to head off to bed (time difference...), so don't be offended if I don't contribute to the new thread until tomorrow... but... I definitely will then!

Cheers,

Matt


----------



## William

Hi Matt

I would be up for a new thread this is a conversation that Fat Acceptance needs. Some people in Fat Acceptance are so fixated on what fat men do not experience that they ignore all that fat men do experience (good and bad).

William




loggamatt said:


> No worries, I understand
> 
> And yeah... a new thread on the main board would be great! I really do think this is an interesting issue... there are SO many differences in the way that fat men and fat women are treated. Some of the differences are better for fat men, some are worse for fat men. But I'm not sure I can remember ever seeing a good thread about this on Dimensions... and as this seems to be your pet topic, I think you're the right man to start one!
> 
> Though, I'm about to head off to bed (time difference...), so don't be offended if I don't contribute to the new thread until tomorrow... but... I definitely will then!
> 
> Cheers,
> 
> Matt


----------



## FreeThinker

loggamatt said:


> ...I would recommend drawing a line under this issue in this thread and starting a new thread specifically to discuss this issue. I for one would be happy to participate as I think a discussion of fat men in the size acceptance world is potentially an interesting one...



Thank you.




William said:


> If anyone else here feels that the experiences of Fat Men are more than one line statements that most people post about lighter burden of Fat Men, please jump in and post.



Yes, please do...but in another thread.

I've no doubt that such an issue merits discussion.

I also believe it deserves its own thread, just as the original topic of this thread does.

Two things are happening: 

People who are drawn to the original topic of this thread may have important things to say, but don't want to step in on the BHM issues currently being discussed here.

If they're already feeling "Out Of Place" here (Remember? The title of this thread?), they're likely to feel even less welcome to post their concerns if they think they have to derail this discussion in order to deal with the one for which this thread was set up.



People who may have something to contribute to a thread dealing with BHM issues may not be looking for them in this thread.




Your topic deserves its own thread.

Given that it is Fat Acceptance (or Size Acceptance) that you wish to discuss, in the context of the male experience, place that new thread on the Main Dimensions Board. That's where matters of size acceptance go, and where they will reach the most eyes. 

Rather than attempting to further your case in this thread, make that new thread now, and just post a link to it in this thread.

_I'll_ even post the link.



I'm trying to get people to discuss why they may not feel comfortable here.

Your reason is one of several that people may have, but it is not the only one.

I don't want those who (may) feel marginalized or bullied on these boards to feel that way on their own thread as well.

THEIR thread.

Not yours, and definitely not mine.


Please respect this, and allow both your topic and mine to be treated with with the attention they deserve.


Thank you.

-Free


----------



## SamanthaNY

William said:


> Everyone hates a grammar Nazi










William said:


> PS I like the looks of Fat Man


----------



## FreeThinker

FreeThinker said:


> ...Blah, blah, blah, start a new thread, blah, blah, blah...



It took me so long to type out that post I didn't know you were already acting on it.

Sorry for jumping on everyone, and thanks for giving that other thread its start.


----------



## William

Hi FT

There is a gender component to the poll in this thread so that means that all my comments were on target and legitimate.

But you are right there are a boat load of people with other issues to address, I would suggest to them not to mention anything about the clique that does not exist in their posts.


William 




FreeThinker said:


> Thank you.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, please do...but in another thread.
> 
> 
> snip-----


----------



## William

FT

What is your issue???? Restart the thread.

William (night)


----------



## FreeThinker

William said:


> Hi FT
> 
> There is a gender component to the poll in this thread so that means that all my comments were on target and legitimate.



As I said.



William said:


> But you are right there are a boat load of people with other issues to address, *I would suggest to them not to mention anything about the clique that does not exist in their posts.*



Thank you, and may God bless you.


----------



## Surlysomething

I definitely feel out of place in this THREAD.




:doh:


----------



## LalaCity

Guinea Pigs smell like tea. Fragrant and earthy.


----------



## KHayes666

I'M OUT OF PLACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

IN OUTER SPACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I GOTTA PACK MY SUITCASEEEEEEEEEE

AND TIE MY SHOELACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I GOT SPRAYED WITH MACEEEEEEEEEEEE

RIGHT IN THE FACEEEEEEEEEEEEE

*plays banjo


----------



## William

The way people on this board react to dissenting opinions, I doubt if any one would even want to share their issues! 

William




FreeThinker said:


> As I said.
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you, and may God bless you.


----------



## Santaclear

Happy Halloween, Thread!


----------



## BeaBea

William said:


> The way people on this board react to dissenting opinions, I doubt if any one would even want to share their issues!
> 
> William



I agree William, but admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery so well done you!

Tracey


----------



## William

I know that I am out spoken and opinionated 

What I do not have is a problem replying to people in a way that could cause newcomers to wonder if it is safe to post here 

There are a lot of people viewing the threads here, but only a few people post regularly. 

William




BeaBea said:


> I agree William, but admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery so well done you!
> 
> Tracey


----------



## BeaBea

William said:


> What I do not have is...



Ah William, the list of things you do not have is long, and should possibly start with 'the ability to communicate clearly'

I dont doubt that you have a good heart and are well meaning but my patience is finite and so I regret that for the sake of my sanity and my blood pressure I must put you on IGNORE. 

Goodbye, it's been, very, errr, something...

Tracey

PS - Should William post regarding what he perceives to be my lack of sympathy for the BHM cause and/or my feelings about the Sandinista regime based on my previous posts in this thread then please feel free to disregard his interpretation and ask me directly. Thanks.


----------



## William

Hi 

Sorry your message below was very unclear, but I answered believing the best of you.

William

BeaBea: "I agree William, but admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery so well done you!"

Tracey 



BeaBea said:


> Ah William, the list of things you do not have is long, and should possibly start with 'the ability to communicate clearly'
> 
> I dont doubt that you have a good heart and are well meaning but my patience is finite and so I regret that for the sake of my sanity and my blood pressure I must put you on IGNORE.
> 
> Goodbye, it's been, very, errr, something...
> 
> Tracey
> 
> PS - Should William post regarding what he perceives to be my lack of sympathy for the BHM cause and/or my feelings about the Sandinista regime based on my previous posts in this thread then please feel free to disregard his interpretation and ask me directly. Thanks.


----------



## LalaCity

just a little road safety drill for no real reason..


----------



## Surlysomething

William said:


> I know that I am out spoken and opinionated


 
No, you're neither of those things. What you are is someone doesn't make any sense. You need to start explaining yourself instead of pointing the finger at everyone. BHM issues? Really? I've never read any posts about them from you. Just your opinion on what you THINK are other people's opinions on BHM issues. Crazy. Maybe you're passionate..about something. But none of us know what.


----------



## William

Hi Surlysomething

Other than statements from BHMs and FFAs in Fat Acceptance the official line is that BHM have few Issues. 

Most statements about fat men say something like "This is not to say that fat men have no fat issues but they have it so so much easier than fat women." You see this little phrase over and over in Fat Acceptance articles, which is a odd way of dealing with a large group (more than half) of people in the fat population.

There are some articles here on Dimensions and on Blogs like "Big Fat Deal" and "Shapely Prose" that including fat men in the discussion as real fat people dealing with fat issues.

I have shared on the BHM/FFA Forum in the past, but I have felt for a while that Dimensions is not the right place for a fat man to share issues safely. I do not think that I am alone in this feeling. It seems that fat male newcomers do more sharing than fat men who have been around here for a while.

William






Surlysomething said:


> No, you're neither of those things. What you are is someone doesn't make any sense. You need to start explaining yourself instead of pointing the finger at everyone. BHM issues? Really? I've never read any posts about them from you. Just your opinion on what you THINK are other people's opinions on BHM issues. Crazy. Maybe you're passionate..about something. But none of us know what.


----------



## SamanthaNY

Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread. 
Make a new thread.

WHY aren't you making a new thread.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Us wimminz are here to do everything for William.....duh :doh:


Here you go William- have at it- leave Free's thread alone please. He has had enough of our shenanigans  

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=975891


----------



## Mathias

William said:


> Hi Surlysomething
> 
> Other than statements from BHMs and FFAs in Fat Acceptance the official line is that BHM have few Issues.
> 
> Most statements about fat men say something like "This is not to say that fat men have no fat issues but they have it so so much easier than fat women." You see this little phrase over and over in Fat Acceptance articles, which is a odd way of dealing with a large group (more than half) of people in the fat population.
> 
> There are some articles here on Dimensions and on Blogs like "Big Fat Deal" and "Shapely Prose" that including fat men in the discussion as real fat people dealing with fat issues.
> 
> I have shared on the BHM/FFA Forum in the past, but I have felt for a while that Dimensions is not the right place for a fat man to share issues safely. I do not think that I am alone in this feeling. It seems that fat male newcomers do more sharing than fat men who have been around here for a while.
> 
> William



What you are talking about is worthy of discussion. It's just that people are having and have had difficulties understanding you. Also it's not the appropriate place. To put it simply, it's not the message but rather the messenger. Get it?


----------



## William

Hi Matt

What is unclear about the statement below?

* Originally Posted by William View Post
Hi Surlysomething

Other than statements from BHMs and FFAs in Fat Acceptance the official line is that BHM have few Issues.

Most statements about fat men say something like "This is not to say that fat men have no fat issues but they have it so so much easier than fat women." You see this little phrase over and over in Fat Acceptance articles, which is a odd way of dealing with a large group (more than half) of people in the fat population.

There are some articles here on Dimensions and on Blogs like "Big Fat Deal" and "Shapely Prose" that including fat men in the discussion as real fat people dealing with fat issues.

I have shared on the BHM/FFA Forum in the past, but I have felt for a while that Dimensions is not the right place for a fat man to share issues safely. I do not think that I am alone in this feeling. It seems that fat male newcomers do more sharing than fat men who have been around here for a while.

William

*

This is no different than what I have been posting from the start. I think a people here need to revisit basic grammar classes. Maybe that is the reason why this thread is ignoring that 75% of the people on Dimensions feel out of place. If a business received that kind of Marketing Research it would be shocked into action, but this community spends 100% of its time arguing with the messengers.

William 




MattS19 said:


> What you are talking about is worthy of discussion. It's just that people are having and have had difficulties understanding you. Also it's not the appropriate place. To put it simply, it's not the message but rather the messenger. Get it?


----------



## Sanderson

OMG PLEASE STOP the madness here!!! :doh: This thread has gone WAY out of control. William ... get a room! We ALL see you, we got your point now move on ... ENOUGH already. :doh::doh:

I am EVEN a well known web model in the BBW community and I get ignored as well, I even posted my issues on this very thread ... I'm dealing with it and after awhile others will too.


----------



## William

Hi Valerie

You should be saying this to all people in this thread that seem to need to have the last word with a mildly derogatory statement added. I try to stick with the issue and not make it personal. It is too bad that all the effort wasted in attacking me was not used to communicate.

OK I will use today to concentrate on some work that I brought home, you will not see me in this thread unless someone posts something that needs addressing.

William







SSBBW_Valerie said:


> OMG PLEASE STOP the madness here!!! :doh: This thread has gone WAY out of control. William ... get a room! We ALL see you, we got your point now move on ... ENOUGH already. :doh::doh:
> 
> I am EVEN a well known web model in the BBW community and I get ignored as well, I even posted my issues on this very thread ... I'm dealing with it and after awhile others will too.


----------



## runningman

William said:


> Hi Valerie
> 
> You should be saying this to all people in this thread that seem to need to have the last word with a mildly derogatory statement added. I try to stick with the issue and not make it personal. It is too bad that all the effort wasted in attacking me was not used to communicate.
> 
> OK I will use today to concentrate on some work that I brought home, you will not see me in this thread unless someone posts something that needs addressing.
> 
> William



Hmmm. People needing to have the last word. What's that phrase? Pots and kettles, black. Something like that. And as for a 'mildly derogatory statement added' how about you're a complete cock! Granted this is a bit more than mild but it's just what everyone else is thinking but they don't wanna get in trouble.

On a personal note if I ever feel 'out of place' at dimensions it is because of my own personal paranoias, basically worrying what people think of me or if I have pissed people off who are regulars here. It's easy to say 'just be yourself and if people don't like you then it's their problem' but I think it is human nature to want to fit in, be liked. I used to spend a lot of time in chat. I don't anymore. I think I got a bit of a reputation as someone who is a little 'touchy' about stuff. Can't take a joke. Probably right. I don't like that about myself but nobody is perfect. Like William for example. If someone doesn't close this thread soon he'll be responding to every reply until the end of eternity. So I'll hand you all back to William now who will dissect my reply and tell me where I am going wrong in life!


----------



## William

Hi 

I do not need to have the last word on a regular post, but I will answer a post with any any kind of attack in it. 

I do not think that 75%!!!! of the people that answered the poll are suffering from personal paranoias. It is this kind of thinking that keeps threads like this from going anywhere in Fat Acceptance.

If you do not want me respond do not include me in a rant.

William




runningman said:


> Hmmm. People needing to have the last word. What's that phrase? Pots and kettles, black. Something like that. And as for a 'mildly derogatory statement added' how about you're a complete cock! Granted this is a bit more than mild but it's just what everyone else is thinking but they don't wanna get in trouble.
> 
> On a personal note if I ever feel 'out of place' at dimensions it is because of my own personal paranoias, basically worrying what people think of me or if I have pissed people off who are regulars here. It's easy to say 'just be yourself and if people don't like you then it's their problem' but I think it is human nature to want to fit in, be liked. I used to spend a lot of time in chat. I don't anymore. I think I got a bit of a reputation as someone who is a little 'touchy' about stuff. Can't take a joke. Probably right. I don't like that about myself but nobody is perfect. Like William for example. If someone doesn't close this thread soon he'll be responding to every reply until the end of eternity. So I'll hand you all back to William now who will dissect my reply and tell me where I am going wrong in life!


----------



## Mathias

William said:


> Hi Valerie
> 
> You should be saying this to all people in this thread that seem to need to have the last word with a mildly derogatory statement added. I try to stick with the issue and not make it personal. It is too bad that all the effort wasted in attacking me was not used to communicate.
> 
> OK I will use today to concentrate on some work that I brought home, you will not see me in this thread unless someone posts something that needs addressing.
> 
> William



It's being addressed to you because YOU came and derailed this thread.


----------



## Nocte

Thought I'd add my two cents in:

My feeling of being out of place just stems from the fact that I'm new here, am a little on the quiet side, and (when off work) am kind of shy. 

I've talked to a few people and responded to some posts, but I'm not, by any means a 'well-known' here. I suspect that if I give it time, things will change 

Cheers,
John

Oh, and my moment of comedy for the weekend:


----------



## William

Hi 

Excuse me but gender is one of the choices in the poll and attacking William is not. I have stretched the topics of other threads, but it always was for a good cause. 

Pick any of the topics from the 75% of the people at Dimensions that feel left out. You do not have to fixate on my post.

William



MattS19 said:


> It's being addressed to you because YOU came and derailed this thread.


----------



## LalaCity

runningman said:


> Hmmm. People needing to have the last word. What's that phrase? Pots and kettles, black. Something like that. And as for a 'mildly derogatory statement added' how about you're a complete cock! Granted this is a bit more than mild but it's just what everyone else is thinking but they don't wanna get in trouble.



Did you just "post something that needs addressing?" :doh:


----------



## Observer

Forget "fluffy" - try supercalifragilisticexpialdocious.

Even typing it makes me feel precocious (and no, I haven't read the thread - just felt like being silly)


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Everyone.....if you stop addressing William in THIS thread and go address him in THIS one instead....


http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=975891


He will go there.....I promise you. We really DO have control over William because he goes where he can get the most attention........


----------



## KHayes666

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Everyone.....if you stop addressing William in THIS thread and go address him in THIS one instead....
> 
> 
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=975891
> 
> 
> He will go there.....I promise you. We really DO have control over William because he goes where he can get the most attention........



*sings*

Sweeeeeeeeeeet Caroline

uh oh oh

;-)


----------



## FreeThinker

Nocte said:


> Thought I'd add my two cents in:
> 
> My feeling of being out of place just stems from the fact that I'm new here, am a little on the quiet side, and (when off work) am kind of shy.
> 
> I've talked to a few people and responded to some posts, but I'm not, by any means a 'well-known' here. I suspect that if I give it time, things will change
> 
> Cheers,
> John



Welcome to Dimensions, Nocte.

I'm also hoping it is your 'newness' here that makes you feel less than comfortable. For many of us, that doesn't take long to dissolve.

Read and rep. Post and prticipate.

This board is as much yours as it is anyone else's.


----------



## Fascinita

Nocte said:


> Thought I'd add my two cents in:
> 
> My feeling of being out of place just stems from the fact that I'm new here, am a little on the quiet side, and (when off work) am kind of shy.
> 
> I've talked to a few people and responded to some posts, but I'm not, by any means a 'well-known' here. I suspect that if I give it time, things will change
> 
> Cheers,
> John



I'm a little the same way. I'm a veritable chatterbox on Dimensions, but can be a little shy in person.

In fact, when I first signed up, I tended to keep my distance from what I saw going on here. With time, I've naturally become more involved. It helps that sometimes, if he's in a generous mood, FreeThinker will rep you and make you feel all fuzzy inside.

Now, forgive me, I'm headed to the kitchen to bake late-night chocolate chip cookies.

Welcome.


----------



## abel

My biggest issue is that I don't want my wife or people around me to discover me on boards like this. 

I'm not embarrassed to be an FA. In fact I'm open about it. However it's not something I go around proclaiming, simply because my wife is not fat. I don't want her to think she's not desirable to me. She knows I like heavy pear-shaped women, but I really try to de-emphasize it and we seem to have a kind of equilibrium there.

Hanging out on a board like this definitely has a sexual connotation when you're an FA, and as such it feels like a kind of online "fooling around".

I wish I could be open here, with my photos etc. Not just for the sexual aspect, but the fact that most people here seem like a very warm and friendly bunch, so I feel a bit guilty that I'm not reciprocating.


----------



## weetabix

abel said:


> I'm not embarrassed to be an FA. In fact I'm open about it. However it's not something I go around proclaiming, simply because my wife is not fat. I don't want her to think she's not desirable to me. She knows I like heavy pear-shaped women, but I really try to de-emphasize it and we seem to have a kind of equilibrium there.



Such is life. If you knew about Dimensions befor you met your wife I expect you would be living with a BBW.


----------



## Ruby Ripples

abel said:


> My biggest issue is that I don't want my wife or people around me to discover me on boards like this.
> 
> I'm not embarrassed to be an FA. In fact I'm open about it. However it's not something I go around proclaiming, simply because my wife is not fat. I don't want her to think she's not desirable to me. She knows I like heavy pear-shaped women, but I really try to de-emphasize it and we seem to have a kind of equilibrium there.
> 
> Hanging out on a board like this definitely has a sexual connotation when you're an FA, and as such it feels like a kind of online "fooling around".
> 
> I wish I could be open here, with my photos etc. Not just for the sexual aspect, but the fact that most people here seem like a very warm and friendly bunch, so I feel a bit guilty that I'm not reciprocating.



I think that is very tactful of you indeed. There are people I've seen here that are all over the whole BBW/FA thing like a rash, while having non BBW partners, and I think it just as bad as a man married to a bbw, being a member of a "hard bodies" slim site, paying for a subscription to it, posting on it regularly and reinforcing his preference, and being open about his sexual preference for them, in front of his bbw wife. No matter how much they pat their wife on the head and say "hey its you I come home to, I would never really DO anything here" and even if their wife says she is okay with it, that still has to sting! It also shows the partner that she is inadequate in such a way that the other half feels it's perfectly ok to act like this, all in the name of "supporting" the women of his sexual preference. 

I've often felt that was a hypocrisy here. Some people are "sympathetic" to such actions, but they sure wouldnt be, if it was the bbw wife with the husband subscribing to skinny sites. 

The fact that you are already married to a woman that KNOWS you like the heavy pear shaped women, but you don't go round trumpeting the fact, to spare her, I think does deserve a round of applause. I also didn't get any whiff of you being a "closet case", or my reply might have been very different .


----------



## stan_der_man

abel said:


> ...
> 
> Hanging out on a board like this definitely has a sexual connotation when you're an FA, and as such it feels like a kind of online "fooling around".
> 
> I wish I could be open here, with my photos etc. Not just for the sexual aspect, but the fact that most people here seem like a very warm and friendly bunch, so I feel a bit guilty that I'm not reciprocating.



The only thing here that I believe you should do a little soul searching about (and may very well have...) is what exactly it is that you are getting out of being here at Dimensions, and what does this mean for your relationship with your wife. I think your being here, joining in on the conversations and taking in the "eye candy" now and then is perfectly healthy and nothing to be ashamed of. You seem to be an honorable guy with good intentions, I see nothing here to doubt that. But concealing this from your wife, family and friends is unhealthy in my opinion and may very well cause you problems in the long run, or will at very least always be a source of frustration to you. I don't know your wife or your relationship with her, but what do you think would happen if you told her that you frequented Dimensions? From what you have written, you are an "outed FA", not ashamed of your preference and open with it, but what is keeping you from taking the step of telling your wife you enjoy seeing what is going on in our community here? Obviously, part of it is your sensitivity (and rightfully so) to your wife's feelings that she may think you don't find her attractive. But not telling her about something you enjoy to do (engaging in the Dims web boards...) is a wall you are putting up between you and her. Walls can protect people, in this case your wife from feeling you aren't attracted to her, but walls also limit the openness of relationships, and in the long run just postpone an inevitable reckoning which may come to pass sooner or later.


----------



## mossystate

abel said:


> My biggest issue is that *I don't want my wife *or people around me *to discover me on boards like this*.



Then don't tell her. I seriously cannot think of one positive reason for telling her.

She knows that you prefer something she is not. Why you chose to be with her, and not someone you truly wanted ( and, I know that your wife must be great in other ways..etc..etc..etc ), is really a stew that only the two of you have the recipe to.

My suggestion is that you have the really difficult conversations with yourself. You seem to want to have your cake...etc.. Can you imagine your wife not preferring you, and her making sure you know, and finding places online, and maybe elsewhere, where she could ' be herself and enjoy what really turns her crank ' ? Imagine how you would feel, reading her responses to men, and how she comments on how perfect and sexy these men are, and then wants a lil snuggle with you...because you are what is there. ' Reassuring ' a person is more selfish and patronizing than anything. I cannot imagine being with a man who let me know that I was not his preference, and then expected me to continue being with him . Wow. I would want him to find a door. If your wife doesn't care, for whatever reasons, then you would not be sneaking. You must know that it would hurt her, and maybe you think most people here will absolve you of...whatever. You are asking complete strangers to tell you it's ok...whatever ' it '...is.

In my opinion, the not telling her will perhaps force you to have those difficult conversations with yourself. If you are not also seeking out pictures of skinny women, then I think you might need to eventually do your wife ( and you ) a favor...and find the front door. Your desire to more fully ' come out ', seems stronger than just a guy who wants to look at pictures and then shut off his computer and get on with his life.


----------



## TraciJo67

mossystate said:


> Then don't tell her. I seriously cannot think of one positive reason for telling her.
> 
> She knows that you prefer something she is not. Why you chose to be with her, and not someone you truly wanted ( and, I know that your wife must be great in other ways..etc..etc..etc ), is really a stew that only the two of you have the recipe to.
> 
> My suggestion is that you have the really difficult conversations with yourself. You seem to want to have your cake...etc.. Can you imagine your wife not preferring you, and her making sure you know, and finding places online, and maybe elsewhere, where she could ' be herself and enjoy what really turns her crank ' ? Imagine how you would feel, reading her responses to men, and how she comments on how perfect and sexy these men are, and then wants a lil snuggle with you...because you are what is there. ' Reassuring ' a person is more selfish and patronizing than anything. I cannot imagine being with a man who let me know that I was not his preference, and then expected me to continue being with him . Wow. I would want him to find a door. If your wife doesn't care, for whatever reasons, then you would not be sneaking. You must know that it would hurt her, and maybe you think most people here will absolve you of...whatever. You are asking complete strangers to tell you it's ok...whatever ' it '...is.
> 
> In my opinion, the not telling her will perhaps force you to have those difficult conversations with yourself. If you are not also seeking out pictures of skinny women, then I think you might need to eventually do your wife ( and you ) a favor...and find the front door. Your desire to more fully ' come out ', seems stronger than just a guy who wants to look at pictures and then shut off his computer and get on with his life.



I love this post, and I want very badly to cozy up to it and snuggle with it. And NO WAY am I going to tell my husband about it.


----------



## abel

Thanks for the thoughtful replies to my post above, y'all.


----------



## TallFatSue

I feel pretty comfortable here, but lately I've simply have so many other things going on in life that Dimensions has kinda fallen by the wayside. A couple weeks ago Art & I went on a wonderful Caribbean cruise (although my legs still hurt from one tour bus which was more like a sardine can on wheels, and I practically had to somersault into my seat). Last week a big pile of work was waiting for me back at the office (so ... they can't live without me?). I've also had to calm down a few minor quarrels in the family (which are much ado about nothing, if you ask me, but methinx my mother needs her minimum daily requirement of controversy or else she feels she's missing something ).

Lately on Dimensions I've also felt I've been repeating myself. Whenever anyone asks about our experiences growing up as a fat girl, or our general experiences going through daily life with a couple hundred pounds of extra fat bouncing around, I pretty much trot out the same answers. After all, I've only had one life (at least that I remember), even though my life story might be screwball comedy material. No doubt my 1970s-era dating experiences amuse the newbies. If you think the dating scene is an ordeal now, you shoulda tried it during the disco craze. Loud music, loud clothes and a big tall fat girl with size 13 feet trying not to make too spectacular a fool of herself on the dance floor! To think some of those styles are back in fashion now! All's well that ends well, as my Mr. Right practically fell into my lap, with hilarious consequences.


----------



## lemonadebrigade

I have a really hard time talking to people, on the internet as well as in everyday life. I often come on here and see something I have an opinion on but as soon as I've typed it out, I think it sounds stupid so I don't post it. I'm working on putting myself out there and getting to know people, it's just gonna take me a while to get comfortable.


----------



## mergirl

lemonadebrigade said:


> I have a really hard time talking to people, on the internet as well as in everyday life. I often come on here and see something I have an opinion on but as soon as I've typed it out, I think it sounds stupid so I don't post it. I'm working on putting myself out there and getting to know people, it's just gonna take me a while to get comfortable.


Most of the posts here ARE stupid!! lol. Hope you feel ok about posting what you think soon. Sounds like you have a social phobia though, there are loads of web sites on this you can look up with loads of people feeling the same. Its something that can be sorted out really easily most of the time with some c.b.t, its just building up the courage to look for help.
good luck, looking forward to your posts..
xmer


----------



## prickly

mergirl said:


> Most of the posts here ARE stupid!!



.....that is a SHOCKING thing to say! how very dare you!


----------



## lemonadebrigade

mergirl said:


> Most of the posts here ARE stupid!! lol. Hope you feel ok about posting what you think soon. Sounds like you have a social phobia though, there are loads of web sites on this you can look up with loads of people feeling the same. Its something that can be sorted out really easily most of the time with some c.b.t, its just building up the courage to look for help.
> good luck, looking forward to your posts..
> xmer



Oh, I know I do, I recently started getting therapy for it, but it took me a long time to ask for help. Thanks for the kind words.


----------



## mergirl

lemonadebrigade said:


> Oh, I know I do, I recently started getting therapy for it, but it took me a long time to ask for help. Thanks for the kind words.


Ahhh, im really happy you are getting therapy, its a brave thing to do.
wish you well with it. xmer


----------



## mergirl

prickly said:


> .....that is a SHOCKING thing to say! how very dare you!


Most of the stupid posts ARE from me, addmittedly..but still! 
Me dear? gay dear? no dear!


----------



## sugarmoore

i think i feel out of place sometimes because i just dont know anyone yet


----------



## Mathias

sugarmoore said:


> i think i feel out of place sometimes because i just dont know anyone yet



Just jump in! You'll meet people quickly here! My name's Matt! Now you know someone.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

sugarmoore said:


> i think i feel out of place sometimes because i just dont know anyone yet



Just go post a bunch of nekkid pics over on the weight board and you will do just fine


----------



## SamanthaNY

sugarmoore said:


> i think i feel out of place sometimes because i just dont know anyone yet



Post your favorite shoes. How many shoes do you have? Talk about shoes! It's an instant-in.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

SamanthaNY said:


> Post your favorite shoes. How many shoes do you have? Talk about shoes! It's an instant-in.



Or monkeys. But that is only an instant in with me and you probably actually don't want to know me.


But if you do post pictures of monkeys sugarmoore, I will think that you are very cool, I promise.


Seriously. Monkeys.


----------



## SamanthaNY

Shoes.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

SamanthaNY said:


> Shoes.




How about monkeys wearing shoes?


----------



## SamanthaNY

Dr. P Marshall said:


> How about monkeys wearing shoes?



This is as far as I can go.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

SamanthaNY said:


> This is as far as I can go.



Those are amazing. I am out of rep so.......:bow:


----------



## Mathias

Dr. P Marshall said:


> Those are amazing. I am out of rep so.......:bow:



I got her for you, no worries!


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

MattS19 said:


> I got her for you, no worries!



Thanks very much.


----------



## SamanthaNY

Thank you both!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dr. P Marshall said:


> How about monkeys wearing shoes?



~AHEM~


How about nekkid monkeys wearing only shoes?


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> ~AHEM~
> 
> 
> How about nekkid monkeys wearing only shoes?



Who said anything about clothes???!!??? I never factor in clothes. Especially when demanding(I mean requesting) pictures of anyone or anything. 


Seriously. Nekkid monkeys in shoes.


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

Age (I turned 18 in November, and I seem to be a decade younger than most here.)

And, I must be honest here: Attraction.

Being an hormonal and exceptionally lusty (even by some of the standards I've seen in teenagers) young Dimmer, I often feel madly attracted to many of the ladies here. I know it's natural, but this is tainted by my painful shyness, fear of coming across as a horny internet douche, and geographical distance from most of you.

Plus, I just don't know how to reach out and start a conversation with someone here without being dismissed as just another flatterer or looking like that idiot at the bar who hits on everyone.

If anyone wants to PM me, though...

In all seriousness, I'd love some advice on how to reach out to and possibly get to know some of our female Dimmers.


----------



## Allie Cat

Seventy-Seven said:


> In all seriousness, I'd love some advice on how to reach out to and possibly get to know some of our female Dimmers.



Treat them like people. Show interest in them, even if they aren't interested in you the way you are interested in them, and in ways other than sexual. Hang around, post, go in the chat, show them you're a decent person.

Damn, I just gave away all my secrets!


----------



## FreeThinker

Seventy-Seven said:


> In all seriousness, I'd love some advice on how to reach out to and possibly get to know some of our female Dimmers.


Wow them with your grammar skills.



Seventy-Seven said:


> Being *an* hormonal...


Damn. :bow:



Welcome to Dimensions, *Seventy-Seven*. Be yourself, and you'll fit in fine.

We've got a lot of 'Yourselves' here. 

Try to avoid a _'me and them'_ mindset when it comes to posting (or _'you and them'_, to put it in the second person). While you still exist as _'you'_, by dint of your joining this community, the intimidating _'them'_ has become an inclusive _'us'_.


I hope you come to feel comfortable here soon.



*Edit:* I just had a quick look at your previous posts, and was surprised to find myself re-reading many that had struck me at the time as having been well thought-out and very honest. I hope to read more of you.

*Addendum to previous Edit: *Jeez, that sounded so condescending...it was supposed to be a compliment.


----------



## goodthings

So I feel out of place here because it seems that i cannot post anything with out some flack. I have a really interesting story that I would like to share, but do not think I will because of the responses I am due to get. That sucks


----------



## vardon_grip

goodthings said:


> So I feel out of place here because it seems that i cannot post anything with out some flack. I have a really interesting story that I would like to share, but do not think I will because of the responses I am due to get. That sucks



I hear you and feel your pain.


----------



## LalaCity

Seventy-Seven said:


> Age (I turned 18 in November, and I seem to be a decade younger than most here.)
> 
> And, I must be honest here: Attraction.
> 
> Being an hormonal and exceptionally lusty (even by some of the standards I've seen in teenagers) young Dimmer, I often feel madly attracted to many of the ladies here. I know it's natural, but this is tainted by my painful shyness, fear of coming across as a horny internet douche, and geographical distance from most of you.
> 
> Plus, I just don't know how to reach out and start a conversation with someone here without being dismissed as just another flatterer or looking like that idiot at the bar who hits on everyone.
> 
> If anyone wants to PM me, though...
> 
> In all seriousness, I'd love some advice on how to reach out to and possibly get to know some of our female Dimmers.



Just interact. Become a regular member of the community. Share your insights, experiences, and sense of humor...and MAKE FRIENDS!!! Takes a bit of time, but sooo worth it!


----------



## William

Hi 

Don't feel bad over 75% of this poll agrees with you about feeling out of place here!! So you should feel at home here 

William




goodthings said:


> So I feel out of place here because it seems that i cannot post anything with out some flack. I have a really interesting story that I would like to share, but do not think I will because of the responses I am due to get. That sucks


----------



## kayrae

Good point, William!!!



William said:


> Hi
> 
> Don't feel bad over 75% of this poll agrees with you about feeling out of place here!! So you should feel at home here
> 
> William


----------



## Jon Blaze

Divals said:


> Treat them like people. Show interest in them, even if they aren't interested in you the way you are interested in them, and in ways other than sexual. Hang around, post, go in the chat, show them you're a decent person.
> 
> Damn, I just gave away all my secrets!



Exactly. Treat them like you would any nice woman you would see out and about. There's nothing different besides distance.


----------



## asmodeus

William said:


> Hi
> 
> Don't feel bad over 75% of this poll agrees with you about feeling out of place here!! So you should feel at home here
> 
> William


This thread seems to have come to a natural end last February. And interestingly, the sum total has been that some 75% of respondents feel out of place and a significant proportion dislike the snide, catty comments that seem to greet every new correspondent. Certainly my own experience was just the same as "Goodthings" having received a couple of rather superior comments on where I was going wrong and no true responses or empathy whatever.


----------



## Inhibited

I know not posting a pic doesn't help, but location does make me feel a little out of place. I'm only aware of one other person from Sydney on Dims, so i'm never gonna have that connection with member/s as you do when you meet.


----------



## KHayes666

Inhibited said:


> I know not posting a pic doesn't help, but location does make me feel a little out of place. I'm only aware of one other person from Sydney on Dims, so i'm never gonna have that connection with member/s as you do when you meet.



There was a whole thread dedicated to Aussies once, you should find it.


----------



## Inhibited

KHayes666 said:


> There was a whole thread dedicated to Aussies once, you should find it.



I know that there is one called "Aussie Girls", alot of the members are from Melbourne and i know that they were trying to organise a get together but don't think it ever happened..


----------



## mergirl

William said:


> Hi
> 
> Don't feel bad over 75% of this poll agrees with you about feeling out of place here!! So you should feel at home here
> 
> William


You are banned ..what do YOU know!!!!


----------



## tonynyc

mergirl said:


> You are banned ..what do YOU know!!!!



*Hi MerGirl* :happy:


----------



## mergirl

ww..william...is that really you??!! 
*Think i just saw the ghost of william past!*


----------



## mergirl

la la lalalalalalala....
*Pretends she didn't double post*
la lalalalalalalala
:eat1:


----------



## Ruffie

lol Ghost of William hee haw haw that was cute!


----------



## Allie Cat

mergirl said:


> You are banned ..what do YOU know!!!!



Wait, what? When did this happen? o.o


----------



## mergirl

Divals said:


> Wait, what? When did this happen? o.o


It was a stealth banning quite a while ago.. we are being picked off one by one silently at night!!!


----------



## Allie Cat

mergirl said:


> It was a stealth banning quite a while ago.. we are being picked off one by one silently at night!!!



OH NOES! Who could be next??? *makes tinfoil hats*


----------



## Tina

mergirl said:


> It was a stealth banning quite a while ago.. we are being picked off one by one silently at night!!!



There was nothing stealth about it, Mer. He worked hard for that and earned every bit of it, believe me.


----------



## BarbBBW

the judgmental, holier than thou catty, insecure BS that gets thrown around.
other than that I love it


----------



## tonynyc

BarbBBW said:


> the judgmental, holier than thou catty, insecure BS that gets thrown around.
> other than that I love it



Welcome Back :happy:


----------



## mergirl

Tina said:


> There was nothing stealth about it, Mer. He worked hard for that and earned every bit of it, believe me.


Yeah.. it was just a joke cause people keep saying "Oh i didn't know he was banned" Pretty much in the same sentence they say "I can see why though". Makes tinfoil hats for everybody!!! 
I remember william being persistant, shoulder chippy and politely signing off his posts, and thats about it!


----------



## tonynyc

mergirl said:


> Yeah.. it was just a joke cause people keep saying "Oh i didn't know he was banned" Pretty much in the same sentence they say "I can see why though". Makes tinfoil hats for everybody!!!
> I remember william being persistant, shoulder chippy and politely signing off his posts, and thats about it!



What's "shoulder chippy" ?


----------



## Mathias

BarbBBW said:


> the judgmental, holier than thou catty, insecure BS that gets thrown around.
> other than that I love it



ONG! :smitten: How the heck are you, Barb! Missed you here!


----------



## Allie Cat

tonynyc said:


> What's "shoulder chippy" ?


----------



## steve-aka

BarbBBW said:


> the judgmental, holier than thou catty, insecure BS that gets thrown around.
> other than that I love it



This is pretty much exactly how I feel about Dims. Add to this list the people that come here with the intention of derailing threads and doling out troll-like behavior. Why some of these people are continually allowed to get away with stuff like this here is quite beyond my understanding. They really bring the place down for me. But then we get some really positive posts and I've met some really cool people via Dimensions and they all make things worth coming back for.

Although I must say that the whole insider/outsider thing could be much alleviated by doing away with the post-count tally and "rep" features, especially the latter. They promote a cliquish, popular kids, high school-like mentality that is not really in keeping with the "acceptance" aspect of this site. Just because someone's a veteran poster with over 5K posts and a coupla suns worth of rep points doesn't necessarily make what they have to say any more valid than the person who's just signed up yesterday. However, there does seem to be an unspoken pact between some of the vets that this is so.


----------



## mossystate

steve-aka said:


> Although I must say that the whole insider/outsider thing could be much alleviated by doing away with the post-count tally and "rep" features, especially the latter. They promote a cliquish, popular kids, high school-like mentality that is not really in keeping with the "acceptance" aspect of this site. Just because someone's a veteran poster with over 5K posts and a coupla suns worth of rep points doesn't necessarily make what they have to say any more valid than the person who's just signed up yesterday. However, there does seem to be an unspoken pact between some of the vets that this is so.



I agree with the getting rid of the public counting. Having a place to send ' rep messages ', is not at all a bad thing.

Now, as for the ' veteran ' aspect. There are those who have lots of posts, and I think they are very invalid.  But, really, I personally do not holster my sun/and extra cans in the morning, thinking about how I will only interact with ...or rep...those who have been here for x number of years/have x number of posts. Everybody is new at one time, even those with lots of points and green stamps, and coupons for a dollar off a gyro. That rant gets a little shopworn after a while. It is natural for people to be attracted to whomever...whatever. What kind of legs a poster has depends a lot on how _they_ interact. There are certainly lots of people out here who are not all that fond of me, and many who are. Isn't that ...life? I just do not see this shadowy pack of pactmakers.


----------



## steve-aka

mossystate said:


> I agree with the getting rid of the public counting.



I'm glad you're in agreement. 



mossystate said:


> Having a place to send ' rep messages ', is not at all a bad thing.



They already have a system for that in place called private messaging.



mossystate said:


> Now, as for the ' veteran ' aspect. There are those who have lots of posts, and I think they are very invalid.  But, really, I personally do not holster my sun/and extra cans in the morning, thinking about how I will only interact with ...or rep...those who have been here for x number of years/have x number of posts. Everybody is new at one time, even those with lots of points and green stamps, and coupons for a dollar off a gyro. That rant gets a little shopworn after a while. It is natural for people to be attracted to whomever...whatever. What kind of legs a poster has depends a lot on how _they_ interact. There are certainly lots of people out here who are not all that fond of me, and many who are. Isn't that ...life? I just do not see this shadowy pack of pactmakers.



I wasn't particularly pointing anybody out here, so I hope you don't take any offense. However, it seems to me that some people with relatively few posts or a newer join date get ignored by _some_ of the vets. I didn't say all, but _some_. I've seen and heard people talking, either around here or at other sites, about how Dimensions has kind of an elitist attitude towards new people. Whether anyone around here agrees with this assessment or not, Dims as a whole has unfortunately gotten a reputation for being rather unaccepting of new people or differing views. This is not helped by the massive attacks that some groups heap upon others. Although we're all here for the same basic reason, there are many aspects within that reason for why we stay. When one group starts to gain power over another due to sheer numbers and attempt to make the the minority group submit to their will then those people will go away, especially the newbies who don't know about the inner machinations or the battles that've been brewing here for years and happen to stumble unbeknownst to them into the thick of it. There seems to be a perception by some that everyone should just inherently know the dos and don'ts of Dims. That no one wants to hear about kelligrrl anymore or that a newbie shouldn't blatantly ask 'who's gained the most weight this year?' on the main board or whatever. Some people are just so excited to finally find a place that seems like home they post things without thinking, not a good thing but not the worst thing that could happen either. However, the people attacking them for these blunders are really the ones who should be held accountable for being thoughtless. They already know the insides and outs, they should attempt to shepherd these new people into being productive members of our community and not try to shoo them away before they even get started here. This place is only as good as the people make it, and if the people don't want new ideas or new faces to come here then Dims will unfortunately become less and less relevant and a new website will spring up to take its place. I, for one, would like to see Dimensions survive and thrive.


----------



## mergirl

tonynyc said:


> What's "shoulder chippy" ?


erm..he kinna seemed to have a chip on his shoulder and made most things about the inequality of bhms in the SA community.. even if we were talking about for example Mr T punching a shark!  
I kinna liked him.. i thought he was harmless.. though, i don't know what goes on behind the magic curtain and can't see deleted posts etc...


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## DitzyBrunette

steve-aka said:


> I wasn't particularly pointing anybody out here, so I hope you don't take any offense. However, it seems to me that some people with relatively few posts or a newer join date get ignored by _some_ of the vets. I didn't say all, but _some_. I've seen and heard people talking, either around here or at other sites, about how Dimensions has kind of an elitist attitude towards new people.



I'm glad to see this here, makes me realize I am not just being touchy or overly sensitive. Phew. When I first joined I had no idea what the rep thing was for a while, that karma button is pretty tiny and without my glasses on it's invisible. So if I saw something I agreed with or someone I just wanted to say hi to, I sent a PM rather than post in the forum (being new I was hesitant to be too open in public with a bunch of strangers). I'm a very very friendly outgoing person so I didn't hesitate to email whoever I thought seemed interesting, I'm the same offline, I can make friends anywhere. Know how many people replied? Two. Not a typo, just t-w-o. At first I thought damn, these people are rude - but it doesn't take long to realize that's just the way of the land for some people here. So no skin off my back, whatever, I was just being nice and trying to get to know the people I thought seemed interesting but I didn't know them before and I don't know them now so no biggie. There are many nice people though, I don't want to discount the board as a whole, _that's not my intention_. I have met a few nice people who I exchange emails or reps with here and there. It's the ones who don't even take 2 seconds to reply to a perfectly nice friendly message that I'm referring to. At my age, it's not something I'll waste time worrying about, I was happy to leave junior high behind 

Also, I agree that jumping all over a newbie with rude remarks simply because they posted something they shouldn't have is ridiculous. I was shocked at the car thread, maybe the guy was wrong but damn, I'm sure he learned his lesson real quick to tread lightly around here.


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## mossystate

steve-aka said:


> I'm glad you're in agreement.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I am glad you are glad that I am glad.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> They already have a system for that in place called private messaging.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Most people, at times, want to send a quick and private smile...^5...etc...etc.. Private messages would be a bit heavyhanded. Taking away all public trace...a good thing.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I wasn't particularly pointing anybody out here, so I hope you don't take any offense.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Oh, no...I took no offense. I just thought one of the ' veterans ' could shine a little light.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> However, it seems to me that some people with relatively few posts or a newer join date get ignored by _some_ of the vets. I didn't say all, but _some_.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I am sure I was ' ignored ' ( still am ), by some of the veterans. It is not the job of those who post a lot, to gather the flock. There are those who are veterans, but who stay in maybe one area of the site. For some reason, I never really see them being told to come out and be guides.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I've seen and heard people talking, either around here or at other sites, about how Dimensions has kind of an elitist attitude towards new people. Whether anyone around here agrees with this assessment or not, Dims as a whole has unfortunately gotten a reputation for being rather unaccepting of new people or differing views.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> How did all the veterans become...veterans. Again, we all were new at one time. Could it be that much of all ' this ' is about the normal action of people gravitating towards whatever it is they like? Now, the whole " differing views " thing; that is something experienced by many ' camps '. Not sure that blaming individuals is always the way to look at that issue.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> When one group starts to gain power over another due to sheer numbers and attempt to make the the minority group submit to their will then those people will go away, especially the newbies who don't know about the inner machinations or the battles that've been brewing here for years and happen to stumble unbeknownst to them into the thick of it.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I think it would be great if the number of people who lament such things were to step up and be the shepherds. Seriously. I see this said SO many times, that I marvel at the lack of taking under wings. If the veterans are a bit weary, then the middle folks, perhaps like you ( ? ), could come forward and not just sit and get upset at folks with lots of cans. Even when there is not a lot of thumping the heads of ' newbies ', there is still this scolding...without the stepping up. Now, I apologize if you do make an effort to go around the forums to grab the arms of new posters. If you do that...that's great. I am probably talking about others who say what you have.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This place is only as good as the people make it, and if the people don't want new ideas or new faces to come here then Dims will unfortunately become less and less relevant and a new website will spring up to take its place. I, for one, would like to see Dimensions survive and thrive.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I think you will find, if you look, that there are many people wanting to discuss new ideas. Many.
Click to expand...


----------



## BeaBea

steve-aka said:


> Some people are just so excited to finally find a place that seems like home they post things without thinking, not a good thing but not the worst thing that could happen either.



I completely agree - but the problem is that its a bit like being at a really good party when someone rushes in and says/does something inappropriate... 

If it was me for example and a party full of my friends they would probably just kind of groan and/or laugh and say 'dont mind her, she was dropped on her head a lot when she was a baby/she's had one glass too many/she only ever opens her mouth to change feet' and then someone would then take me to one side, gently set me straight and hopefully all would be well. 

If I was at a party where no-one knew me however the reaction would be very different. I'm sure strangers wouldn't find my clumsy lack of tact at all charming and would probably cut me dead, tell me off or kick me out. The reaction would be even worse if I was the tenth clueless and tactless stranger to walk in and ruin the party in the last hour...

I'm not saying what has happened here is right, just kind of trying to explain why it's understandable that it happens. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the party and to spill some red wine down someones new white dress or possibly to introduce a woman to the man she divorced last year :doh::doh:

Tracey xx


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## DitzyBrunette

BeaBea said:


> I completely agree - but the problem is that its a bit like being at a really good party when someone rushes in and says/does something inappropriate...
> 
> 
> The reaction would be even worse if I was the tenth clueless and tactless stranger to walk in and ruin the party in the last hour...



The difference is, most people don't invite strangers to their private parties. If Dims is supposed to be a perfect private party with no new guests who might fumble a bit here and there in the beginning of their stay then someone needs to hang a Closed sign on the door and shut down access to new memberships.


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## BeaBea

DitzyBrunette said:


> The difference is, most people don't invite strangers to their private parties. If Dims is supposed to be a perfect private party with no new guests who might fumble a bit here and there in the beginning of their stay then someone needs to hang a Closed sign on the door and shut down access to new memberships.



Lol, I wasn't trying to say that it's a private party, I was just trying to illustrate how this situation happens. 
Everyone is welcome to come and meet and greet and hopefully exchange information and find some new friends too. Whether you want to join the people in the Sitting room talking Politics and Activism, hang out in the kitchen and swap recipes or even make out on the stairs with a fascinating stranger theres something for every one. You just need to take your time and settle in... 

Tracey xx


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

steve-aka said:


> I wasn't particularly pointing anybody out here, so I hope you don't take any offense. However, it seems to me that some people with relatively few posts or a newer join date get ignored by _some_ of the vets. I didn't say all, but _some_. I've seen and heard people talking, either around here or at other sites, about how Dimensions has kind of an elitist attitude towards new people.



Hmmmm, not sure what you mean by "ignore"? As you pointed out, "some" of the "vets" here make sure to great the new people. "Some" people here are sure to post positive things in the picture threads as support. "Some" are "vets" (assuming veteran is a term determined by join date?) that have a very low number of posts and rarely comment. "Some" are more argumentative than others. "Some" only comment to gripe about something. "Some" only care about their personal feelings/wants and not about the site as a whole. 

So? 

Isn't that a parallel to how people are in reality when in a group? 

Your implication, as I read it, is that the long time posters here "owe" something to the new ones. What do they owe? 

Politeness maybe? Isn't that something that everyone here is "owed" irregardless of post count or tenure?

Assistance? 
Isn't that something that is generally volunteered and not required? "Some" do offer assistance....."some" just remain quiet. How is that a problem? 
Ignored? how is not posting to someone "ignoring" them? I read posts all the time and don't comment....but I read it....and paid attention to what the person said. Should I make my post count higher by quoting everyone in every single thread and making some inane comment? 
Why don't you do that Steve? Since you are no longer a newb here yourself......

A lot of the "vets" here are mods.....they contribute oodles of time to this place. Perhaps they are "owed" something? A thank you maybe? 

What about the lurkers? Do they owe something? They could be considered "vets" but I get the impression that is not whom you meant. Why do they get off the hook so easy when they don't seem to have contributed much themselves? 

People with high post counts owing something to people with lower posts counts? What exactly? 
Personally, I find my high post count kind of embarrassing because it shows I spend way too much time on the net, methinks  
It doesn't give some special dims power or make my posts, or anyone's, more "valuable" or more noticeable. If you view it that way, then that's a matter of your personal perception.....but not anything I have ever seen stated anywhere here.

Rep? I'm just lucky with it myself. My hard work and showing up everyday got me my new raise at my job recently.....not Dims rep points. That job pays my bills and buys groceries....not the rep points. Do I owe the new lady at my job part of my raise or was it something I earned myself? Should the "vets" at my job give me part of the raises they got before I was ever hired? 

Rep seems more along the lines of "entertainment" to me.....as in it's a nice "gift" in e-world. 
It's like the post count thing.....it doesn't make me more "powerful" or make my posts "stronger"....and the post count or points don't give ME value. 
If someone likes me or my posts......that's because they liked what I have put forth here...whatever that may be. 
The rep points didn't change my style.....I jumped in head first when I hit this place and never looked back. I didn't need a "sponsor" or someone to hold my hand. I don't post for rep points. I post because I enjoy it....not because I owe somebody something.....nor do I view other posters here as owing me something. 

All that being said, I can understand a fear of putting forth your feelings if you are new and feel the environment is "hostile". I just still don't get what that has to do with "veterans" in general......because some of those vets seem quite nice to me. I have also seen some a-hole newbs. 
Post count or rep points does not a hostile/volatile/unfriendly/impolite person make. 


I'm not the "veteran" that some here are.....I've just been postwhoring myself here for about three years.....some have been contributing much longer than myself and can remember back as far as ten years....I haven't even owned a PC that long. 




steve-aka said:


> Whether anyone around here agrees with this assessment or not, Dims as a whole has unfortunately gotten a reputation for being rather unaccepting of new people or differing views. This is not helped by the massive attacks that some groups heap upon others. Although we're all here for the same basic reason, there are many aspects within that reason for why we stay. When one group starts to gain power over another due to sheer numbers and attempt to make the the minority group submit to their will then those people will go away, especially the newbies who don't know about the inner machinations or the battles that've been brewing here for years and happen to stumble unbeknownst to them into the thick of it. There seems to be a perception by some that everyone should just inherently know the dos and don'ts of Dims. That no one wants to hear about kelligrrl anymore or that a newbie shouldn't blatantly ask 'who's gained the most weight this year?' on the main board or whatever. Some people are just so excited to finally find a place that seems like home they post things without thinking, not a good thing but not the worst thing that could happen either. However, the people attacking them for these blunders are really the ones who should be held accountable for being thoughtless. They already know the insides and outs, they should attempt to shepherd these new people into being productive members of our community and not try to shoo them away before they even get started here. This place is only as good as the people make it, and if the people don't want new ideas or new faces to come here then Dims will unfortunately become less and less relevant and a new website will spring up to take its place. I, for one, would like to see Dimensions survive and thrive.



I don't share your ideal of "veterans" not allowing Dims to "survive and thrive". Dims wouldn't have survived this long without it's vets, don't you think? 

What "massive attacks" do you mean? How many "vets" are out there piling on? Are you miffed with a few posters and making a blanket statement? Perhaps you should be more specific in your musings.

Oh and please don't any of the vets agree with me.....or it will be called a pile on.


----------



## superodalisque

BeaBea said:


> Lol, I wasn't trying to say that it's a private party, I was just trying to illustrate how this situation happens.
> Everyone is welcome to come and meet and greet and hopefully exchange information and find some new friends too. Whether you want to join the people in the Sitting room talking Politics and Activism, hang out in the kitchen and swap recipes or even make out on the stairs with a fascinating stranger theres something for every one. You just need to take your time and settle in...
> 
> Tracey xx



actually the misinterpretation of your post brings out a good point. there is a lack of patience for new people here. there are a lot of assumptions about what people "should" know and also a lot of reveling in "in" jokes. people need to be more open and remember that there are a lot of new people here all of the time. i think they forget exactly how many people go through thos site on a daily basis. it would be great if folks could keep that in mind when they are posting and indulging in a lot of banter that could be misread and misintepreted. many times some of the misintepretation is what can lead to inapropriate posts by people who are new and don't understand the culture.


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## steve-aka

mossystate said:


> I am glad you are glad that I am glad.



Well, I'm glad that you're glad that I'm glad that you're glad that I'm glad that you're glad...



mossystate said:


> Most people, at times, want to send a quick and private smile...^5...etc...etc.. Private messages would be a bit heavyhanded. Taking away all public trace...a good thing.



I'm curious as to how a PM that's itself essentially a "quick and private smile" could be misconstrued as heavy-handed? I was just making a suggestion in order to make things easier for Conrad and the others who'd have to do the retooling here to remove the rep feature if they ever decided to do so. As PMing is already in place, it could be an easy and viable alternative to the rep system, and, indeed as is inherent in its name, private too.



mossystate said:


> Oh, no...I took no offense. I just thought one of the ' veterans ' could shine a little light.



Well, thanks for the illumination. Much appreciated.



mossystate said:


> I am sure I was ' ignored ' ( still am ), by some of the veterans. It is not the job of those who post a lot, to gather the flock. There are those who are veterans, but who stay in maybe one area of the site. For some reason, I never really see them being told to come out and be guides.



I think you're misconstruing my meaning a bit here. I don't necessarily think the vets need to make more of an effort to "gather the flock" as you say, but need to be more conscious as to what they say in any post to a newbie. Jumping on a newbie for posting some ridiculous statement isn't very welcoming. If, as a vet, you feel the need to post anything in response to a newbie blunder, then why not make it an opportunity to educate rather than berate? Sure it's fun to get off that great quip, but is it really productive in the long run? Does it ultimately say anything positive about you as a person? Or about Dimensions as a gathering place for fat people and those that love them? Again, I'm not pointing fingers at any _one_ person in particular here, just stating something that would be nice to do in order to build a better, kinder community. 



mossystate said:


> How did all the veterans become...veterans. Again, we all were new at one time. Could it be that much of all ' this ' is about the normal action of people gravitating towards whatever it is they like? Now, the whole " differing views " thing; that is something experienced by many ' camps '. Not sure that blaming individuals is always the way to look at that issue.



This is part of my point, if only the vets of today would remember more often how it was back in their newbie days then some of the disparaging comments could be alleviated.

As for the whole differing views thing, I have nothing against them per se, however, what I do protest is sometimes how they're stated as well as how some people seem to want to suppress certain other views. The whole feedism thing comes to mind here, lots of people really hate it, many love it. However, regardless of how you feel about it, it's NOT gonna go away. Now, of course, you have a right to state your opinion but sometimes pummeling a deceased equine is just another way of beating a dead horse. The bottom line is if you don't like something, then don't look at it. Berating others for their differing views just makes you seem like an advocate for censorship and intolerance. Besides, making a big deal out of something oftentimes just brings more attention to it, which it seems to me is counter to what someone who doesn't like something would want.

Again, I'm not trying to blame any particular individuals here.



mossystate said:


> I think it would be great if the number of people who lament such things were to step up and be the shepherds. Seriously. I see this said SO many times, that I marvel at the lack of taking under wings. If the veterans are a bit weary, then the middle folks, perhaps like you ( ? ), could come forward and not just sit and get upset at folks with lots of cans. Even when there is not a lot of thumping the heads of ' newbies ', there is still this scolding...without the stepping up. Now, I apologize if you do make an effort to go around the forums to grab the arms of new posters. If you do that...that's great. I am probably talking about others who say what you have.



Well, as I've stated earlier, Dimensions is a community, and in a community it takes EVERYONE to make it a good place. I agree that the "middle folks", as you call people like me, should do their part, but so too should the vets. Being a vet doesn't somehow get you off the hook. If a vet really is too weary to be at least an inoffensive member of our community then perhaps he or she should withdraw from the community. Hell, even the newbies should make an effort, it's just that sometimes they're unsure of what efforts to make. 

Again, what I'm saying here isn't that any particular person or group of persons should go out of their way to make things better if they don't want to. BUT, if you're gonna take the time to post, then at least be polite and considerate and tolerant. That's really my main beef with SOME of the posts I see around, this blatant disregard for the views and/or feelings of others. This isn't inherent to Dimensions either, it seems to be rampant almost everywhere public forums exist on the internet. People seem to think that since they aren't actually there in person they have carte blanche to be as rude and/or snarky as they wanna be. I think more people should be called out for this type of inappropriate behavior, whether they be vets or mid-folks or newbies. It just seems to me that the vets should really know better by now, or, at least a mid-person such as myself would like to think so. Veterans set the tone, after all, for all us up and coming mid-folks and do you really want said tone to be a cacophonous din of dissent and disparagement?



mossystate said:


> I think you will find, if you look, that there are many people wanting to discuss new ideas. Many.



Oh, yes indeed, there are many wonderful people around Dims! Lots of intelligent folks with pertinent and thoughtful things to share. And I'd like to take this opportunity to thank them all for sharing them! 

So, thanks!


----------



## Santaclear

steve-aka said:


> Well, I'm glad that you're glad that I'm glad that you're glad that I'm glad that you're glad...



Steve, I'd just like to toss my hat in the ring here and add that I'm glad too.



steve-aka said:


> I'm curious as to how a PM that's itself essentially a "quick and private smile" could be misconstrued as heavy-handed? I was just making a suggestion in order to make things easier for Conrad and the others who'd have to do the retooling here to remove the rep feature if they ever decided to do so. As PMing is already in place, it could be an easy and viable alternative to the rep system, and, indeed as is inherent in its name, private too.



Rep comments are a quick and easy way to say one line...you can be friendly, be funny or whatever (even leave it blank just to show approval or agreement of/with a post.) Just a little less formal than pm's. I think they're both useful.


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## BeaBea

Santaclear said:


> Rep comments are a quick and easy way to say one line...you can be friendly, be funny or whatever (even leave it blank just to show approval or agreement of/with a post.) Just a little less formal than pm's. I think they're both useful.



I just think of them a bit like the little 'Like' thumbs up thingy on Facebook. I confess that I rarely have the time or energy to PM someone, but I do try to rep comments that I like or agree with. 
The other problem with PMs is that peoples inboxes do fill up very fast. Also I would imagine that every single user having a full inbox must absolutely eat storage space on the Dims servers whereas little rep comments are much less resource hungry. 

Tracey xx


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## steve-aka

DitzyBrunette said:


> I'm glad to see this here, makes me realize I am not just being touchy or overly sensitive. Phew. When I first joined I had no idea what the rep thing was for a while, that karma button is pretty tiny and without my glasses on it's invisible. So if I saw something I agreed with or someone I just wanted to say hi to, I sent a PM rather than post in the forum (being new I was hesitant to be too open in public with a bunch of strangers). I'm a very very friendly outgoing person so I didn't hesitate to email whoever I thought seemed interesting, I'm the same offline, I can make friends anywhere. Know how many people replied? Two. Not a typo, just t-w-o. At first I thought damn, these people are rude - but it doesn't take long to realize that's just the way of the land for some people here. So no skin off my back, whatever, I was just being nice and trying to get to know the people I thought seemed interesting but I didn't know them before and I don't know them now so no biggie. There are many nice people though, I don't want to discount the board as a whole, _that's not my intention_. I have met a few nice people who I exchange emails or reps with here and there. It's the ones who don't even take 2 seconds to reply to a perfectly nice friendly message that I'm referring to. At my age, it's not something I'll waste time worrying about, I was happy to leave junior high behind
> 
> Also, I agree that jumping all over a newbie with rude remarks simply because they posted something they shouldn't have is ridiculous. I was shocked at the car thread, maybe the guy was wrong but damn, I'm sure he learned his lesson real quick to tread lightly around here.




I feel that getting a PM is much nicer than getting mere rep, and friendlier too. One of the main ideas behind a place like this is to meet people, so it's really a shame that so few people responded back to you. This is exactly the type of thing I'm trying to point out here. I've talked to people elsewhere on the 'net who've completely stopped coming here because of this perceived unwelcome mat. 

I can understand you're reticence to post openly on the forums, especially when you see people like the guy who started the aforementioned car thread get torn a new one for something that was rather innocent. As much as some people around here don't want to admit it, the Dims community as a whole HAS gotten a reputation for being rather stand-offish and cliquish. I'm not saying this is deserved or fair or whatever, I'm just restating what I've heard people say either directly to me in private or on other areas of the web. 

The bottom line is we as a community can hide our heads in the sand and continue on with the status quo or maybe actually try to be a little nicer and respond to people who send us PMs or not be so harsh on overanxious newbies. How hard can that really be?


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## steve-aka

Santaclear said:


> Steve, I'd just like to toss my hat in the ring here and add that I'm glad too.



Wow! My glad-bag runneth over! And for that I'm glad!



Santaclear said:


> Rep comments are a quick and easy way to say one line...you can be friendly, be funny or whatever (even leave it blank just to show approval or agreement of/with a post.) Just a little less formal than pm's. I think they're both useful.



This is a great point. However, I think the rep accruals should be tallied in private and not public. There's really no reason to be so showy about rep. In fact, I think it just promotes the more quippy one-liners in order to garner rep and sometimes pertinent points fall by the wayside in a cascading cavalcade of rep-inducing backslapping and guffawing at the expense of real discussion.

But, hey, that's just my 2% of a buck.


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## steve-aka

BeaBea said:


> I completely agree - but the problem is that its a bit like being at a really good party when someone rushes in and says/does something inappropriate...
> 
> If it was me for example and a party full of my friends they would probably just kind of groan and/or laugh and say 'dont mind her, she was dropped on her head a lot when she was a baby/she's had one glass too many/she only ever opens her mouth to change feet' and then someone would then take me to one side, gently set me straight and hopefully all would be well.
> 
> If I was at a party where no-one knew me however the reaction would be very different. I'm sure strangers wouldn't find my clumsy lack of tact at all charming and would probably cut me dead, tell me off or kick me out. The reaction would be even worse if I was the tenth clueless and tactless stranger to walk in and ruin the party in the last hour...
> 
> I'm not saying what has happened here is right, just kind of trying to explain why it's understandable that it happens. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the party and to spill some red wine down someones new white dress or possibly to introduce a woman to the man she divorced last year :doh::doh:
> 
> Tracey xx



I love this party analogy! Great job. It's just that sometimes Dims seems like something far less than a party what with the unnecessary needling and negativity. Sure, it may get tiresome hearing the same stupid comments over and over again by people who're new to the party but there's so many other things going on at this party it's easy to ignore them. Perhaps instead of abusing the newcomer for his tactless entrance the abusers could just grab a drink and go hang out on the patio for awhile instead. I mean this constant need to harass newcomers for not knowing the party rules is just as tiring as the newcomers' blunders themselves.


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## steve-aka

superodalisque said:


> actually the misinterpretation of your post brings out a good point. there is a lack of patience for new people here. there are a lot of assumptions about what people "should" know and also a lot of reveling in "in" jokes. people need to be more open and remember that there are a lot of new people here all of the time. i think they forget exactly how many people go through thos site on a daily basis. it would be great if folks could keep that in mind when they are posting and indulging in a lot of banter that could be misread and misintepreted. many times some of the misintepretation is what can lead to inapropriate posts by people who are new and don't understand the culture.



Excellent point! This is what I've been trying to state myself, only much more poorly than you've done here.

Perhaps there should be some sort of tutorial or user agreement that could show newbies the ropes, define various common terminology unique to our community, and fill 'em in on the dos and don'ts of forum posting? This could be something everyone would have to read and sign off on before they'd have access to actually posting anything on the boards. I know it'd probably be a pain for Conrad and the other powers that be to set up but maybe it's time such a system was in place? Just an idea for discussion, nothing more.


----------



## CleverBomb

steve-aka said:


> Excellent point! This is what I've been trying to state myself, only much more poorly than you've done here.
> 
> Perhaps there should be some sort of tutorial or user agreement that could show newbies the ropes, define various common terminology unique to our community, and fill 'em in on the dos and don'ts of forum posting? This could be something everyone would have to read and sign off on before they'd have access to actually posting anything on the boards. I know it'd probably be a pain for Conrad and the other powers that be to set up but maybe it's time such a system was in place? Just an idea for discussion, nothing more.


add a terms-of-use screen that displays during the registration process?

it's been so long since I signed up I have no idea whether there's one in there.

-Rusty


----------



## dan

From what I have seen is too many hijacked threads. The usual suspects take a thread that some newbies' post and they turn in into an inside joke. Subject gets lost somewhere. Sometime back at the poster, and I've seen too many innocent posters get ripped apart for honest postings.. I really don't get it, why are so many disrespected? I like the paysite forum. It is light their, and we all are enjoying something. Goes like these guys smitten::smitten::eat2::wubu


----------



## steve-aka

Damn! Green Eyed Fairy, you seem to be taking what I've said a bit too personally here. Everybody else who's responded to what I've said has so far done so with far less vitriol and finger-pointing as you've done so here. I'll just chalk it up to you being a passionate person who feels her home being under attack. I can assure you I mean NO attack and my statements are NOT directed against you as I've found your posts elsewhere on Dims to generally be well-thought out, pleasant, and enjoyable.

That said, I'm glad to have struck a chord with my statements as this may bode well for fixing Dimensions', deserved or not, wayward reputation. As I've stated in my previous posts, there is a perception by some that Dimensions is not a very accepting place. This is NOT casting blame on any one person or group, but nonetheless the Dimensions community overall has garnered a reputation for intolerance, belittlement, cliquishness and infighting. Whether you agree with this or not is irrelevant as the feeling is out there. I feel that to fix this perception we ALL need to be a little more mindful of what we say and how we say it. Why not set a good example when posting? If you have to disagree then disagree in a polite and constructive way. Try to be more open to others' view points and new people. Don't just keep talking to the same people over and over again. If someone PMs you, PM them back!

So, that said, in order to move on to addressing your statements I feel I must first define what MY definition of a Dimensions veteran is. A veteran is not necessarily determined by the length of time you've been around. To me a veteran is someone who's familiar enough with Dims to know the ropes and the personalities. A veteran is someone who actively participates on the boards on a fairly regular basis. Someone with a join date of say October 2005 but who has 114 posts in my opinion is NOT a veteran. Conversely, someone who's only joined in February of this year but has thousands of posts IS a veteran. Some veterans are more widely known than others 'cause they move around throughout the various boards. Whereas some vets only post, say, on the Paysite Board or the Weight Board, making them veterans of those particular areas even if they are virtually unknown outside of said area. Hopefully this is now clear.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Hmmmm, not sure what you mean by "ignore"? As you pointed out, "some" of the "vets" here make sure to great the new people. "Some" people here are sure to post positive things in the picture threads as support. "Some" are "vets" (assuming veteran is a term determined by join date?) that have a very low number of posts and rarely comment. "Some" are more argumentative than others. "Some" only comment to gripe about something. "Some" only care about their personal feelings/wants and not about the site as a whole.
> 
> So?
> 
> Isn't that a parallel to how people are in reality when in a group?



Indeed, Dimensions is a group, which is the same as saying it's a community and said community is only as good as how it's members treat each other. If some individuals aren't good members, even a small minority, then it can reflect poorly on the larger group in toto.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Your implication, as I read it, is that the long time posters here "owe" something to the new ones. What do they owe?



Well, I never said that exactly, but I can see how you may feel it's implied.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Politeness maybe? Isn't that something that everyone here is "owed" irregardless of post count or tenure?



Exactly my point, only the so-called veterans should really know better as they've, by now, seen the effects of impoliteness ad infinitum. However, EVERYONE should be polite in a perfect forum and I feel the veteran posters should sort of set the tone for this type of discourse.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Assistance?
> Isn't that something that is generally volunteered and not required? "Some" do offer assistance....."some" just remain quiet. How is that a problem?


 
Not a problem at all, it's the ones who don't remain quiet when perhaps they should that can be a problem. It sometimes seems that the assistance comes with a heaping serving of cynicism or sarcasm. That's the type of help we don't need around here.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Ignored? how is not posting to someone "ignoring" them? I read posts all the time and don't comment....but I read it....and paid attention to what the person said. Should I make my post count higher by quoting everyone in every single thread and making some inane comment?



People can choose to post or not to post to anyone they wish. However, it seems sometimes that people are reticent to branch out and meet new faces. They continually respond to postings by their friends, which isn't a bad thing, but reaching out every once in a while can be good and promotes a feeling of openness and acceptance that is good overall for the community here. I'm not saying this NEVER happens here, it'd just be nice to see it happen more often.

And, geez, no need to get so snarky here, you sometimes come across as if I'm attacking you personally, which I assure you I'm not. I'm just trying to bring up some concerns that not only I have but others have too. I know this is a passionate issue for you, as it is for me as well, but let's please address the points in a calm manner. 



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Why don't you do that Steve? Since you are no longer a newb here yourself......



I have done that to a certain extent but perhaps not as much as I should. I do try to be inclusive in all aspects of my life. I've always been a proponent of the underdog and unpopular. And, come to think of it, in a way isn't that what I'm doing here by bringing up these points? I may not be addressing the less popular people directly but I am more or less encouraging others to think outside the box or, in this analogical case, circle of friends to make some new ones. I've made many friends during my brief time as an "out" and active member of the Dimensions community, none of whom are what one might call the "popular kids". That's not really by design, that's just the way it's happened. My only criteria for friendship is someone's who's nice, has things to say I find interesting, and who's gonna put in as much effort into maintaining that friendship as I am.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> A lot of the "vets" here are mods.....they contribute oodles of time to this place. Perhaps they are "owed" something? A thank you maybe?



Oh, I wouldn't say "a lot" of the vets here are mods. How many mods are there? A dozen? Twenty? Compare this with how many people could be considered vets, there are many dozens, or possibly even a hundred or more people with enough posting experience to qualify for this category. Besides some of the mods have such low post counts that I can't really call them vets by my previous definition. And now there seems to be mods springing up with phony names too, I mean even phonier than the names we all call ourselves already. It's like having a pseudonym on top of a pseudonym. 

At any rate, I have had several dealings with some of the mods, mostly behind the scenes, and all have been thanked for their diligence and caring. Just because I'm not out there flashing my thanks for the world to see, does that make it any less sincere? That said I DO appreciate everything you mods do. You put up with a lot of grief and definitely don't get enough accolades for all the work you do which, I'm assuming, you do for free. So, that said, *THANK YOU* moderators for being the glue of the Dims community!



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> What about the lurkers? Do they owe something? They could be considered "vets" but I get the impression that is not whom you meant. Why do they get off the hook so easy when they don't seem to have contributed much themselves?



Lurkers cannot be in any way considered vets because they don't contribute or take away anything from Dimensions. They're merely audience members watching the show. The reason they get off the hook is exactly because they haven't contributed anything. They haven't said anything positive but they haven't said anything negative either. They haven't said anything, period.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> People with high post counts owing something to people with lower posts counts? What exactly?



As sated before, the higher count members don't really owe anybody anything. However, they should by now know how to be civil. Lack of civility is the same as a person who continually litters in his own neighborhood. You continue to do that and pretty soon the place you live is gonna go to shit.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Personally, I find my high post count kind of embarrassing because it shows I spend way too much time on the net, methinks
> It doesn't give some special dims power or make my posts, or anyone's, more "valuable" or more noticeable. If you view it that way, then that's a matter of your personal perception.....but not anything I have ever seen stated anywhere here.



I never implied a special power. But having a higher post count should hopefully mean you're better equipped to know how to act around here than someone who's relatively new. It doesn't mean you necessarily have to actively engage the newbies but that also means you should know better than to antagonize them. Again, not singling any one person out in particular, but this type of behavior does seem to happen here more often than it should and by people who you'd think should know better. That's really what I'm saying.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Rep? I'm just lucky with it myself. My hard work and showing up everyday got me my new raise at my job recently.....not Dims rep points. That job pays my bills and buys groceries....not the rep points. Do I owe the new lady at my job part of my raise or was it something I earned myself? Should the "vets" at my job give me part of the raises they got before I was ever hired?



This statement is so far off the mark I don't even know where it's coming from. I never ever implied this, even a little bit. I'm not saying rep points should be doled out evenly, only saying they shouldn't be publicly displayed. Sure your hard work may have earned you a raise but did you flaunt your raise to your coworkers? Do yo walk in to work wearing a shirt stating how much you earn? I hope not as it is rude and inconsiderate. This is how I feel about public displays of rep points.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Rep seems more along the lines of "entertainment" to me.....as in it's a nice "gift" in e-world.



But do you flaunt the gifts you receive to total strangers? Should these rep "gifts" be flaunted?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> It's like the post count thing.....it doesn't make me more "powerful" or make my posts "stronger"....and the post count or points don't give ME value.



But it could seem like it does to others, especially newcomers who may be on the fence about posting something but are hesitant due to insecurity in the face of your vast experience or a perceived lack of support or not being "cool" enough to hang with the big dogs. Not saying this is a correct perception just saying that's how it is. Shouldn't we make these people feel more welcome if we can? And if removing public displays of rep and/or post counts helps, shouldn't we do it?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> If someone likes me or my posts......that's because they liked what I have put forth here...whatever that may be.



Exactly, so why have a rep system, at least one that's displayed in public? Let the posts speak for themselves and not how much rep you've garnered because of said posts.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> The rep points didn't change my style.....I jumped in head first when I hit this place and never looked back. I didn't need a "sponsor" or someone to hold my hand. I don't post for rep points. I post because I enjoy it....not because I owe somebody something.....nor do I view other posters here as owing me something.



I'm glad you had the gumption to just jump right in. However, not everybody is this brave. This is a new and exciting world for many. Accepting yourself for being fat or being attracted to fat is often extremely hard in the intolerant face of mainstream society. Oftentimes people can be reticent about openly expressing themselves when they have deep feelings of guilt associated with who they are or who they want to be with. Society at large is SO down on us already that it can be REALLY hard to just jump in head first like you did. You have to realize that everyone's different and may not have as high self esteem as you do. I'm glad the rep you've earned hasn't changed your style but it can be intimidating to someone who's already tentative to begin with. Again, why not eliminate this unneeded factor of intimidation?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> All that being said, I can understand a fear of putting forth your feelings if you are new and feel the environment is "hostile". I just still don't get what that has to do with "veterans" in general......because some of those vets seem quite nice to me. I have also seen some a-hole newbs.


 
What it has to do with veterans is that they should be more accepting and encouraging instead of so ready to pounce, at least the ones that are guilty of the intolerant bullying. And the ones who're nice, and there are many who are - yourself included, should perhaps jump in and defend the newbies more often if they just so happen to be cruising through a thread where one is under attack. Whereas how getting attacked by a veteran for making silly newbie mistakes can be intimidating it can be equally as empowering to be defended by a veteran. I know this vet defense does happen, but people unfortunately remember the negative more profoundly than the positive and I feel things could always be better.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Post count or rep points does not a hostile/volatile/unfriendly/impolite person make.



No, indeed not. But, unfortunately, these factors do seem to give them more validity in the eyes of some.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm not the "veteran" that some here are.....I've just been postwhoring myself here for about three years.....some have been contributing much longer than myself and can remember back as far as ten years....I haven't even owned a PC that long.



Again, it's not the length of time but the amount of input that determines vet status. I myself have been around Dims since its inception, posting under various monikers. I come and go as I alternately become disillusioned and excited by this place. Perhaps my inconsistency in being an active member of this site makes you feel what I have to say is less valid and that is certainly your prerogative. But I do know there is an unfortunate perception around that Dims is a rather intolerant and unwelcoming place to newcomers, and this is not just my read on it either. I've heard others make this complaint many times elsewhere, either to me personally or in public forums on other sites. This perception may be unfair, but it's there nonetheless. Now, we can either do something about it or do nothing. What do you propose we do?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I don't share your ideal of "veterans" not allowing Dims to "survive and thrive". Dims wouldn't have survived this long without it's vets, don't you think?



I agree that many of reasons why Dims is still so pertinent after so many years is exactly because of the vets. But things can always be improved. Right now Dims has a PR problem, especially with some of the younger crowd. Veterans by their very nature won't be around forever, many grow weary and move on. It is the influx of new faces that allows a place to survive and thrive, and if new faces are reticent to come here then who's fault will that be?

Right now this doesn't seem to be a problem, but if the Dimensions community continues to look the other way at the few people who seem to thrive on spoiling the fun around here then someday maybe things won't be as hunky dory. There's always room to improve and I know it's hard when you have such a large community as ours but isn't Dimensions worth the effort?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> What "massive attacks" do you mean? How many "vets" are out there piling on? Are you miffed with a few posters and making a blanket statement? Perhaps you should be more specific in your musings.



I do not wish to call people out in public like this. However, as a mod, I'm SURE you know who the bad apples are, at least I hope you do. Why some of these people continue to get away with spewing their off-topic tantrums and personal attacks veiled in hipster cynicism is beyond me. But I don't know the inner machinations of the mod community. I do know, however, how posts by these people affect me and others in the general Dims community. Do you?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Oh and please don't any of the vets agree with me.....or it will be called a pile on.



Well, so far I've had nothing but pleasant dealings with a couple of vets in regards to my statements here. Yours is the only one that's come across so with so much acidity. I'm sorry to have stirred this up inside you but if my comments make anyone think then I feel they've been worth it.

Thank you for responding. Take care and hopefully there are no hard feelings.


----------



## BeaBea

steve-aka said:


> Damn! Green Eyed Fairy, you seem to be taking what I've said a bit too personally here.



I have to say I didn't think GEF was taking your post personally, just posing some interesting questions about where you though the problem lay. This is going to sound like a brush-off and I really dont mean it to - but I think 'Be the change you want to see in the world' is pretty much on the mark here. If the behaviour you've seen here offends you then grab a 'Newb' and start mentoring.

Me? Oh I'll be hanging out in my usual places at the 'party' but I will try to take your comments on board and try to curb the more acidic side of my tongue when talking to the newer folks.

Tracey xx


----------



## steve-aka

BeaBea said:


> I have to say I didn't think GEF was taking your post personally, just posing some interesting questions about where you though the problem lay. This is going to sound like a brush-off and I really dont mean it to - but I think 'Be the change you want to see in the world' is pretty much on the mark here. If the behaviour you've seen here offends you then grab a 'Newb' and start mentoring.
> 
> Me? Oh I'll be hanging out in my usual places at the 'party' but I will try to take your comments on board and try to curb the more acidic side of my tongue when talking to the newer folks.
> 
> Tracey xx



I hope that you are indeed right that she wasn't taking my post personally. However, it seemed to me that she perhaps was doing just that, at least a bit. But I wanted to be sure so I asked my wife to read it without hinting at my feelings in regards to it. She ended up agreeing with me, even having a stronger visceral response to it than I did.

As for the whole newb mentoring thing, I'd like to reiterate that I never really said that we should all personally take newcomers under our wings and show them the ropes - sorta like a Dimensions trainee program. I am hoping, however, to convince people that if they're gonna post something then try to make it positive. Or, at least not a caustic attack filled with in-jokes and belittlement. I'm not saying no one should ever question or debate with someone else, but let's just keep it civil, please. There's too much "my way or the highway" rhetoric around these days and not enough "let's just agree to disagree" type of debates, not just here but in society in general. Can't we just all get along?

I'm glad to see you're gonna try to take to heart what I said. I thank you for being a part of this discussion.

puppy dogs and rainbows...


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

BeaBea said:


> I have to say I didn't think GEF was taking your post personally, just posing some interesting questions about where you though the problem lay. This is going to sound like a brush-off and I really dont mean it to - but I think 'Be the change you want to see in the world' is pretty much on the mark here. If the behaviour you've seen here offends you then grab a 'Newb' and start mentoring.
> Tracey xx



Wow Tracey- right on the mark....right down to the same quote I was going to post to him even  :bow: 

Thank you - yes exactly. I don't see how bashing people for bashing people is "helpful" to noobs but more of a case of the pot calling the kettle black. 
It also leads me to believe that there simpler motivations at work here other than being a "hero" for "underdogs".

Underdog implies victim.....there are victims here? 

Where? who? When? 




steve-aka said:


> I hope that you are indeed right that she wasn't taking my post personally. However, it seemed to me that she perhaps was doing just that, at least a bit. But I wanted to be sure so I asked my wife to read it without hinting at my feelings in regards to it. She ended up agreeing with me, even having a stronger visceral response to it than I did.



Errmmmmm big surprise that your wife agreed with you.....

Golly gee whiz Steve....didn't take anything personally....just disagreed with your assertion. At least I didn't take it personally until......




steve-aka said:


> Everybody else who's responded to what I've said has so far done so with far less vitriol and finger-pointing as you've done so here.





steve-aka said:


> And, geez, no need to get so snarky here





steve-aka said:


> Well, so far I've had nothing but pleasant dealings with a couple of vets in regards to my statements here. Yours is the only one that's come across so with so much acidity.





steve-aka said:


> Whether you agree with this or not is irrelevant as the feeling is out there.



But thanks for the contrary statements to reassure me.... :blink:



steve-aka said:


> I can assure you I mean NO attack and my statements are NOT directed against you





steve-aka said:


> you sometimes come across as if I'm attacking you personally, which I assure you I'm not.



And this last one seems a bit condescending......



steve-aka said:


> I'm sorry to have stirred this up inside you but if my comments make anyone think then I feel they've been worth it.



In my first post to you....I asked you for examples. As in "Who, what, where" instead of all the generalities you keep stating. 

WHO????? People you know in reality? People you talk to on IM? How many? 2 or 3 or your friends are scared of some people on an internet site so now it's about to crumble? 
I'm having a hard time taking you seriously.....when you insist upon vague references to a "they". 


I'm also having a hard time taking you seriously when you say "everyone should be kind to each other" yet you seem to be tossing some vitriol simply because someone disagreed with you.

Not used to people disagreeing with you? I didn't politely disagree with you? You just want to say anything you want unchallenged? 

Life is hard sometimes, eh? 



steve-aka said:


> I'm just trying to bring up some concerns that not only I have but others have too. I know this is a passionate issue for you, as it is for me as well, but let's please address the points in a calm manner.



You seem to be the one that got bent 




steve-aka said:


> People can choose to post or not to post to anyone they wish. However, it seems sometimes that people are reticent to branch out and meet new faces. They continually respond to postings by their friends, which isn't a bad thing, but reaching out every once in a while can be good and promotes a feeling of openness and acceptance that is good overall for the community here. I'm not saying this NEVER happens here, it'd just be nice to see it happen more often.





See it? I thought you were all for everyone PM'ing each other and dismantling the rep system. The rep system is about feeling good and supporting one another.....it just doesn't suit you personally. Why is your desire for no rep "better" than someone's enjoyment of little, quick PMs to one another? 
Hell, I "reach out" to newbs all the time with the rep system.....they reach out to me with it. Methinks you have a personal bone to pick again.....under the guise of "championing" some non-named thing that is still not clear. 



steve-aka said:


> But do you flaunt the gifts you receive to total strangers? Should these rep "gifts" be flaunted?





steve-aka said:


> But it could seem like it does to others, especially newcomers who may be on the fence about posting something but are hesitant due to insecurity in the face of your vast experience or a perceived lack of support or not being "cool" enough to hang with the big dogs. Not saying this is a correct perception just saying that's how it is. Shouldn't we make these people feel more welcome if we can? And if removing public displays of rep and/or post counts helps, shouldn't we do it?



Who is flaunting their gifts? it's lighted cans under a name.....and most of the noobs don't even seem to understand what they are. How would they feel "intimidated" by something they tend to take a while to notice. 
Took me a hella long time to pick up on it....as in I saw people arguing/squabbling over the rep system and someone had to finally explain it to me. 
I don't think the majority of people take rep as seriously as you seem to.....especially the noobs. 



steve-aka said:


> I have done that to a certain extent but perhaps not as much as I should.



Bingo

Why not try it more often? Gee.....might earn you some rep 



steve-aka said:


> I do try to be inclusive in all aspects of my life. I've always been a proponent of the underdog and unpopular. And, come to think of it, in a way isn't that what I'm doing here by bringing up these points? I may not be addressing the less popular people directly but I am more or less encouraging others to think outside the box or, in this analogical case, circle of friends to make some new ones. I've made many friends during my brief time as an "out" and active member of the Dimensions community, none of whom are what one might call the "popular kids". That's not really by design, that's just the way it's happened. My only criteria for friendship is someone's who's nice, has things to say I find interesting, and who's gonna put in as much effort into maintaining that friendship as I am.



So glad you made friends here......why do you assume you are the only person that has done so???? You seem to be spending a lot of time on negative aspects you have noticed.....and making assumptions from there. Some of your posting in this thread read like a doomsday sayer.....the end of Dims if everyone doesn't do exactly what you say....IMMEDIATELY!! 

Where did you come up with this "us vs. them" mentality? Once again....who? when? where? 

Point to a thread, point to an example if you like to "champion" people yet don't care to say exactly who you are "protecting" them from. 





steve-aka said:


> Oh, I wouldn't say "a lot" of the vets here are mods. How many mods are there? A dozen? Twenty? Compare this with how many people could be considered vets, there are many dozens, or possibly even a hundred or more people with enough posting experience to qualify for this category. Besides some of the mods have such low post counts that I can't really call them vets by my previous definition. And now there seems to be mods springing up with phony names too, I mean even phonier than the names we all call ourselves already. It's like having a pseudonym on top of a pseudonym.



So how many vets are you complaining about exactly....once again. How many constitutes "some"? 20 mods is not a lot of vets? 

And I don't know what in the world you mean about mods with pseudonyms. You seem to be seeing a LOT of things that this vet hasn't noticed. 



steve-aka said:


> At any rate, I have had several dealings with some of the mods, mostly behind the scenes, and all have been thanked for their diligence and caring. Just because I'm not out there flashing my thanks for the world to see, does that make it any less sincere?



And....I ask the same of your viewpoint of others. You cannot see what everyone here does behind the scenes any more than we can see what you do. 
It's your assumptions and generalizations I am taking issue with in your posts. 



steve-aka said:


> I'm glad you had the gumption to just jump right in. However, not everybody is this brave. This is a new and exciting world for many. Accepting yourself for being fat or being attracted to fat is often extremely hard in the intolerant face of mainstream society. Oftentimes people can be reticent about openly expressing themselves when they have deep feelings of guilt associated with who they are or who they want to be with. Society at large is SO down on us already that it can be REALLY hard to just jump in head first like you did. You have to realize that everyone's different and may not have as high self esteem as you do. I'm glad the rep you've earned hasn't changed your style but it can be intimidating to someone who's already tentative to begin with. Again, why not eliminate this unneeded factor of intimidation?



Once again, why do you assume I came here with "high self esteem"? Dude....I STILL fight with it quite often. 
I know what it is to be a fat person.....just in case you didn't notice. 

I try to be nice to everyone that I can here Steve....as do SOOOOO many others....I see their acts of kindness and understanding here daily. How have you missed it? 
Apparently you have missed it......if you feel that Dims is about to shut down at any minute......



steve-aka said:


> What it has to do with veterans is that they should be more accepting and encouraging instead of so ready to pounce, at least the ones that are guilty of the intolerant bullying. And the ones who're nice, and there are many who are - yourself included, should perhaps jump in and defend the newbies more often if they just so happen to be cruising through a thread where one is under attack. Whereas how getting attacked by a veteran for making silly newbie mistakes can be intimidating it can be equally as empowering to be defended by a veteran. I know this vet defense does happen, but people unfortunately remember the negative more profoundly than the positive and I feel things could always be better.



Personally, fighting with people on the net....I don't always have time for it. People DO defend the noobs here....often. Once again, how have you missed it? 

I tend to see the "vets" being attacked a lot here lately...by other vets and by noobs. All just a matter of different perceptions and threads perused perhaps..... 



steve-aka said:


> But I do know there is an unfortunate perception around that Dims is a rather intolerant and unwelcoming place to newcomers, and this is not just my read on it either. I've heard others make this complaint many times elsewhere, either to me personally or in public forums on other sites. This perception may be unfair, but it's there nonetheless. Now, we can either do something about it or do nothing. What do you propose we do?
> 
> I agree that many of reasons why Dims is still so pertinent after so many years is exactly because of the vets. But things can always be improved. Right now Dims has a PR problem, especially with some of the younger crowd. Veterans by their very nature won't be around forever, many grow weary and move on. It is the influx of new faces that allows a place to survive and thrive, and if new faces are reticent to come here then who's fault will that be?



I have heard a lot of things from different people in my life. How often do you hear it? Did you get details of why this person or people feel this way? 

Can't please everybody all the time......that is a truth of life. If you manage to just help even one person, then it was all worth it in the end, IMO. 

I'm still on the path of thinking you are blowing it up a bit out of proportion. 






steve-aka said:


> Right now this doesn't seem to be a problem, but if the Dimensions community continues to look the other way at the few people who seem to thrive on spoiling the fun around here then someday maybe things won't be as hunky dory. There's always room to improve and I know it's hard when you have such a large community as ours but isn't Dimensions worth the effort?



Personally, I see snarling and gnashing of the teeth from both sides of the fences usually. Why I want to know exactly who you are referring to.....because dissension and arguing seems pretty normal on the net. 




steve-aka said:


> I do not wish to call people out in public like this. However, as a mod, I'm SURE you know who the bad apples are, at least I hope you do. Why some of these people continue to get away with spewing their off-topic tantrums and personal attacks veiled in hipster cynicism is beyond me. But I don't know the inner machinations of the mod community. I do know, however, how posts by these people affect me and others in the general Dims community. Do you?



I'm not a mod Steve. Never said I was. Just used the mods as examples of some of the good things that vets do around this place. 

You're not a mod either, btw. The mods seem to spend a lot of time trying to be fair to all factions around here.....


----------



## debz-aka

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Errmmmmm big surprise that your wife agreed with you.....



Actually, if I hadn't agreed with him I would have said so. Don't assume me to be a "yes, dear" woman; especially since you don't know me. 

I don't come to Dims often because I'm from more of the meet face to face generation. However, I come once and awhile and often enjoy threads; until about the 4th page when things tend to go south from the original posts. A great notable exception would be the movie pages. 

I'm not fond of the rep points. When I started here, I found myself worrying that I didn't get enough rep, like that would invalidate my ideas. Its amazing how deep insecurity is ingrained after growing up a fat kid. What I do like is the rep format which is great way to shoot someone a quick "great thought" one line message. I just don't know why there needs to be a running tally? Maybe, because we are all still those hurt kids looking for our gold stars? Or maybe its an American thing? Who knows?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

debz-aka said:


> Actually, if I hadn't agreed with him I would have said so. Don't assume me to be a "yes, dear" woman; especially since you don't know me.
> 
> I don't come to Dims often because I'm from more of the meet face to face generation. However, I come once and awhile and often enjoy threads; until about the 4th page when things tend to go south from the original posts. A great notable exception would be the movie pages.
> 
> I'm not fond of the rep points. When I started here, I found myself worrying that I didn't get enough rep, like that would invalidate my ideas. Its amazing how deep insecurity is ingrained after growing up a fat kid. What I do like is the rep format which is great way to shoot someone a quick "great thought" one line message. I just don't know why there needs to be a running tally? Maybe, because we are all still those hurt kids looking for our gold stars? Or maybe its an American thing? Who knows?



Didn't assume that about you at all. Just think it would be like me saying "all my friends read this and agreed with me". Not sure why that would give anything more "clout" in a disagreement. 

The thing about rep......it's not something you have to give. If you don't like the system, then don't participate. I truly don't see "high rep points" as meaning that much. 
I have seen other posters, on occasion, point to their rep points as part of an argument and find myself rolling my eyes. 
Just don't think that something meant as part of forum entertainment should be taken so seriously. Also....I meant what I said about the noobs not seeming to understand it. I see a LOT of them talk about what a surprise it is to find rep comments......months or years after they join.

If they don't even know they are getting rep, why would the rep cans mean anything? I never understood them for a long time.....and never found them intimidating. I have found things in reality far more threatening then lighted bars on the net, to be honest. 

I have seen you around Debz- nice to meet you. Welcome to the Boards


----------



## steve-aka

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Wow Tracey- right on the mark....right down to the same quote I was going to post to him even  :bow:
> 
> Thank you - yes exactly.



Yes, I agree with Tracey too, perhaps I did take your initial post too personally. However, as I stated in my response to her, that's the way it felt to me thus proving how easy it is to take the written word completely the wrong way. Tone of voice, body language and facial expression are all muted here which don't help to effectively convey a point, especially one that's struck such an obviously deep seated chord in the both of us.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I don't see how bashing people for bashing people is "helpful" to noobs but more of a case of the pot calling the kettle black.



So, let me get this straight, you're saying that people who're being jerks shouldn't get called on it?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> It also leads me to believe that there simpler motivations at work here other than being a "hero" for "underdogs".



Please fill me in on my supposed "simpler motivations", I 'd really like to know.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Underdog implies victim.....there are victims here?



From my computer's dictionary: 

*Underdog: *
a competitor thought to have little chance of winning a fight or contest.
&#8226; a person who has little status in society.

Hope this fills you in more on what the context of my use of the word "underdog" is.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Where? who? When?



So, in all your wanderings across the vast landscape of Dimensions you've NEVER seen anyone get an undue bashing or tossed an unwarranted snide comment by posters with more experience? 



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Errmmmmm big surprise that your wife agreed with you.....



Oh, wait, perhaps you should look to your above statement to answer my previous question.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Golly gee whiz Steve....didn't take anything personally....just disagreed with your assertion.



I have no problem with you disagreeing with anything I've said, it's just the way you said it that made it seem sort of personal, especially as compared to what and how others prior to you had stated things. Sorry if I took it the wrong way.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> And this last one seems a bit condescending......



I can assure you I have no ulterior motives and no condescension was or is intended. How is hoping that one's comments cause people to think about particular subjects, whether they agree or not, condescending? I'm just trying to point out some things I think could be improved upon around here. Is there anything wrong with that? 



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> In my first post to you....I asked you for examples. As in "Who, what, where" instead of all the generalities you keep stating.



And in my response to you I stated I wasn't gonna do that as I feel it's involving people who're essentially innocent here. I don't want to name names and/or pull people into this debate who may feel uncomfortable or irritated for being singled out like this.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> WHO????? People you know in reality? People you talk to on IM?



Yep. As well as people I've talked to on DA and in posts and comments I've seen from people whom I don't know on DA and Fantasy Feeder.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> How many?



Probably about 25 or so people.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> 2 or 3 or your friends are scared of some people on an internet site so now it's about to crumble?



Now who's being condescending?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm having a hard time taking you seriously.....when you insist upon vague references to a "they".



If you can't take me seriously then why do you feel the need to write long posts in regards to my so called "vague references"?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm also having a hard time taking you seriously when you say "everyone should be kind to each other" yet you seem to be tossing some vitriol simply because someone disagreed with you.



I'm sorry if my response to your initial post came off like that. I apologize. I truly felt I was merely rebutting what you had to say without getting too emotional but, as is apparent now, it didn't come across as such.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Not used to people disagreeing with you? I didn't politely disagree with you? You just want to say anything you want unchallenged?



I don't mind at all when people disagree with me. And, yes, I perceived your response as, maybe not so much impolite, as a tad aggressive. I don't mind if people challenge opinions but there's really no call for it to be in a hostile way. 



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Life is hard sometimes, eh?



Indeed.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You seem to be the one that got bent



Perhaps, but now who's the one who's gotten bent?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> See it? I thought you were all for everyone PM'ing each other and dismantling the rep system. The rep system is about feeling good and supporting one another.....it just doesn't suit you personally. Why is your desire for no rep "better" than someone's enjoyment of little, quick PMs to one another?



Okay, let me just make this clear, after reading some of the other posts here I've changed my opinion regarding the complete dismantling of the rep system. I don't mind the whole "little, quick PM" aspect of it. What I do have a problem with is how rep points are publicly displayed. Why? They just promote a whole "popularity contest" kind of mentality.

Besides, rep, meaning reputation, is not a one way trip of never ending accruals. People's reputations constantly change. Someone can be well liked and respected one day and become persona non grata the next. Just look at Michael Jackson or Mel Gibson for examples of this.

Should there be a system in place to possibly reflect this real world ebb and flow of one's reputation here? Something where people can react to the perceived negative or heinous things someone might say in a fit of stupidity or anger? A sort of "anti-rep" system that lets people know their true standing in the community?

No, of course not, as that would cause things to go downhill fast in the forums. So, why don't we just hide the whole rep point tally from public view completely and be done with it. Then if you really want to praise someone for a particularly trenchant or heartfelt or well-thought out post, then simply reply to their post on the forum or send a privately posted rep PM.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Who is flaunting their gifts? it's lighted cans under a name.....and most of the noobs don't even seem to understand what they are. How would they feel "intimidated" by something they tend to take a while to notice.
> Took me a hella long time to pick up on it....as in I saw people arguing/squabbling over the rep system and someone had to finally explain it to me.
> I don't think the majority of people take rep as seriously as you seem to.....especially the noobs.



There's a sort of implied sense of a "who's who" on the Dims scene via the public tallying of rep points. Just the fact that they're displayed is a sort of flaunt of that factor.

And just because it took you a long time to realize what the whole rep thing was about doesn't mean that other people didn't figure it out fairly quickly. I don't know about you but it seems that most people who come to a new internet site have a tendency to look around and explore their options. They move their cursor over various things on the screen. They see these funky green and yellow cans and hover their cursor over them and up pop little messages talking about rep. They get curious and begin looking around at the cans collected by other people and soon see a correlation to the amount of cans accrued and a person's popularity hereabouts. Perhaps the majority don't take rep as seriously as I "seem to think" but I don't think as many as you seem are totally clueless or could care less about it either.

Besides in your statement above you say:


Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I saw people arguing/squabbling over the rep system


 ...which pretty much proves to me that even YOU'VE noticed the controversy surrounding it. So, why not change it?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> So how many vets are you complaining about exactly....once again. How many constitutes "some"? 20 mods is not a lot of vets?



To reiterate, I don't want to name names. You seem to think I'm being overly negative, well I could say you're being overly positive. If you haven't seen the bickering and infighting and belittlement and out and out hostility and bullying then take off your rosy glasses and look around cause it does happen and fairly often too. It may not be rampant but it's still present, even a little bit, and a little bit is still way too much. 



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> And I don't know what in the world you mean about mods with pseudonyms. You seem to be seeing a LOT of things that this vet hasn't noticed.



Here ya go:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/member.php?u=51340
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/member.php?u=51384
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/member.php?u=51383



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> So glad you made friends here......why do you assume you are the only person that has done so????





Green Eyed Fairy said:


> And....I ask the same of your viewpoint of others. You cannot see what everyone here does behind the scenes any more than we can see what you do.


 
Sorry if I came across that way as it certainly wasn't my intention. I realize that many, many others have made friends here and have private interactions with them. This is truly one of the best things about Dimensions!



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Once again, why do you assume I came here with "high self esteem"? Dude....I STILL fight with it quite often.
> I know what it is to be a fat person.....just in case you didn't notice.



I didn't say you have high self esteem in all aspects of your life and believe me, I can certainly understand how hard it can be for a fat person to live in our society as I see how it affects my wife. I was merely commenting on how you were one of the brave ones who jumped right into the world of Dimensions without second guessing yourself and I think that's super cool!



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I try to be nice to everyone that I can here Steve....as do SOOOOO many others....I see their acts of kindness and understanding here daily. How have you missed it?
> Apparently you have missed it......if you feel that Dims is about to shut down at any minute......





Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Personally, fighting with people on the net....I don't always have time for it. People DO defend the noobs here....often. Once again, how have you missed it?



I haven't missed it, just as I haven't missed the plethora of infighting and hostility that goes on either. Sure there's probably a lot more positive things happening here but people tend to remember the negative for a LONG time and first impressions can have lasting effects.

And, no, Dims isn't about to "shut down at any minute" but these perceived negative things tend to give a place a bad name.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I tend to see the "vets" being attacked a lot here lately...by other vets and by noobs. All just a matter of different perceptions and threads perused perhaps.....



...who? when? where? (Sorry, I couldn't resist...)



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm still on the path of thinking you are blowing it up a bit out of proportion.



Perhaps I am blowing it out of proportion a bit, but perhaps you are blowing it off a bit as well?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Personally, I see snarling and gnashing of the teeth from both sides of the fences usually. Why I want to know exactly who you are referring to.....because dissension and arguing seems pretty normal on the net.



Yes, but just because it's normal doesn't mean it should be tolerated. Lipophobia in mainstream society is rather prevalent too, does that make it okay?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm not a mod Steve. Never said I was. Just used the mods as examples of some of the good things that vets do around this place.



Whoops, I misspoke here. I guess I just assumed you were a mod as I've seen you reposting some of the old, random stories from the old Weight Room Stories Archive onto the new Stories Forum board. My mistake.

And, again, I'm not wholesale attacking the vets. There are many awesome vets around these parts! And you're definitely one of them, even though we seem to be currently embroiled in a rather heated debate, I still respect you for being such a positive and prolific presence around these parts.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You're not a mod either, btw. The mods seem to spend a lot of time trying to be fair to all factions around here.....



Yep, I fully realize my non-mod status and am thankful for it. They do a lot of heavy lifting and get barely a thanks for it. (So, if any mod is listening in, I say "*THANKS*!")

Again I'm sorry if any of my statements have come across as vitriolic or mean-spirited as that surely was not my intention. I merely meant to spark a debate over the whole repping system and suggest some possible alternatives for doing things around here. The foundation of Dimensions may as yet remain solid, but if one perceives a few cracks in said foundation shouldn't one attempt to fix them? Even if they're not particularly noticeable to anyone else?

At any rate, take care. I am truly glad for your posts, here and elsewhere. You are obviously an intelligent and passionate woman. I share your passionate characteristics. Now, whether or not our passions are in complete agreement is a whole other story.


----------



## kayrae

yeah.... i'm only looking at the paysite forums too. best place for conversations


----------



## Gendo Ikari

I've been thinking alot about the library issue.

When I was about 10 or 11, I found that I liked bigger girls. Confused I put in "weight gain stories" into the search and I found Dimensions, more importantly, the library. So, I've been around here for about 10 years, so I feel like a veteran and I know what I'm talking about.

I am not upset over the minor thing. That I can agree with.

What I am upset over is how little respect the library and it's writers get around here.

Like it or not we helped build this place.

Through our labor we helped make Dimensions what it is and I can't help but feel we are unappreciated.


----------



## BeaBea

Gendo Ikari said:


> What I am upset over is how little respect the library and it's writers get around here.
> 
> Like it or not we helped build this place.
> 
> Through our labor we helped make Dimensions what it is and I can't help but feel we are unappreciated.



Hi,

your post has really made me stop and think because although I visit Dimensions on a daily basis I have never visited the Library. I'm an avid reader but I prefer to read from paper rather than my screen and weight gain fiction isn't a subject that interests me. Having said all that though I dont object to the Library or the subject matters discussed within it, and if its serving the needs of the community then I'm delighted that it exists. 

Can I ask what you mean by 'unappreciated? Does my non-participation contribute to the way you feel? I'm not trying to be combative, just trying to explain that the Library never appears on my personal radar and now I'm wondering if I'm part of a problem that I never knew existed?

Tracey


----------



## KHayes666

Gendo Ikari said:


> I've been thinking alot about the library issue.
> 
> When I was about 10 or 11, I found that I liked bigger girls. Confused I put in "weight gain stories" into the search and I found Dimensions, more importantly, the library. So, I've been around here for about 10 years, so I feel like a veteran and I know what I'm talking about.
> 
> I am not upset over the minor thing. That I can agree with.
> 
> What I am upset over is how little respect the library and it's writers get around here.
> 
> Like it or not we helped build this place.
> 
> Through our labor we helped make Dimensions what it is and I can't help but feel we are unappreciated.



Its a real shame because you're exactly right.

The reason I first came to Dims were the elaborate stories, some realistic and some not. 

A lot of people don't appreciate them because of their own bad attitudes. Don't worry though, your contributions may not be publicly acknowledged, but they sure are appreciated to a man.


----------



## Gendo Ikari

BeaBea said:


> Can I ask what you mean by 'unappreciated? Does my non-participation contribute to the way you feel? I'm not trying to be combative, just trying to explain that the Library never appears on my personal radar and now I'm wondering if I'm part of a problem that I never knew existed?
> 
> Tracey



No, not at all, you are not part of the problem.


----------



## mossystate

KHayes666 said:


> A lot of people don't appreciate them because of their own bad attitudes. Don't worry though, your contributions may not be publicly acknowledged, but they sure are appreciated to a man.



Why would people who do not like something, be asked to ' appreciate ' that something? Whatever it is. You are complaining about others, when you do not bother to recognize the writers. 

Wouldn't it kind of make more sense for the pats on the back to come from those who get so much out of the stories section? Something that helped shape you so much? Could it be that ' you ' are the issue here, and not the folks with " bad attitudes " ? 

Gendo...your beef is with the people who claim to respect the library...and who are frequent visitors...right? What is it you think is owed you. Don't people comment on stories? Also, you are probably going to have to wage a campaign to get the hundreds of lurkers to come out of the shadows.

Library fans...better start supporting your writers ( however that looks )...don't look over here...or there....look in the mirror.....or something like that. Ummmm.


----------



## Santaclear

Gendo Ikari said:


> I've been thinking alot about the library issue.
> When I was about 10 or 11, I found that I liked bigger girls. Confused I put in "weight gain stories" into the search and I found Dimensions, more importantly, the library. So, I've been around here for about 10 years, so I feel like a veteran and I know what I'm talking about.
> I am not upset over the minor thing. That I can agree with.
> What I am upset over is how little respect the library and it's writers get around here.
> Like it or not we helped build this place.
> Through our labor we helped make Dimensions what it is and I can't help but feel we are unappreciated.





KHayes666 said:


> Its a real shame because you're exactly right.
> The reason I first came to Dims were the elaborate stories, some realistic and some not.
> A lot of people don't appreciate them because of their own bad attitudes. Don't worry though, your contributions may not be publicly acknowledged, but they sure are appreciated to a man.



Weight gain fiction and the other sort of stuff in the Library isn't for everyone. I'm a pretty edgy guy and from day one none of it has ever appealed to me at all. It's not my "attitude" - it's truly a matter of taste. 

I've never disrespected any of the writers in the Library before the recent whinefest began (and for me the problem was not the Library per se - it was having "fetish" rammed down our throats) but why should I be expected to "respect" it? I'm simply neutral.

As Mossy sez, support for the Library should come from the fans.


----------



## Gendo Ikari

There we go.

Thats the thing that is pissing us off.

We helped build this community, this website, and people like you don't even want to acknowledge that.

"support comes the fans"

"Don't look over here."

It's like you people don't even want to be assoicated with us, that down south is the red headed step child.

What are we, leppers?

"Keep away, unclean!"


----------



## steve-aka

Well, ahem, as a writer of WG fiction myself I feel I must weigh in here, er, sorry for the unintended pun.

At any rate, I must admit, I first came here many, many, many years ago - pretty much when Dims first started - mostly for the stories and the pics of the wonderfully beautiful ladies of corpulence that were posted here. This was back when the internet was still relatively young - at least the mass consumption version - and a lot of the stories were culled from the Newsgroups (remember _those_ - shit, I'm OLD) such as alt.sex.fat and alt.sex.weight-gain. This early incarnation of Dimensions was more about fat sexuality and dating than about what it has become today which is a sort of gathering place for fat people and those who love them. Oh, there are still _many_ elements of a sexual nature here, but Dims is so much more than this now, and, frankly, better off for it.

However, for many the thing that first attracted them to this website was the sex aspect of it. No matter how crass or debase or whatever some may feel about this, it is the reality of the situation. And to heap cliche upon crassness, most of the people who were first compelled to come here for the sexual nature of it were males. Sorry, but that's just the way of it. 

Now, I realize that not ALL of the men here frequent Dims just for the fappage factor just as not ALL of the women who come here do it for the supportive and communal aspect, but each gender has, more of less, their own set of reasons for doing things. Some reasons may be more "respectable" than others but as long as we can admit that not everyone is here for the same things then I don't see a problem. Some come here for the Paysite Forum. Others love the support they receive on the Main Board. Still others just wanna have fun and hang out in The Lounge. Whereas others feel a need to spout their opinions to anyone who'll listen so they take a stroll through the park (thanks for bringing that back, powers that be). Each and every one of us has different objectives, and, for the most part, there seems to be tolerance of these diverse personalities and objectives.

I admit, when I first discovered Dims, it was for the sexuality of the place. However, as the years progressed it has become more of a place for me to meet interesting people who share the same lipophilic desires. In other words, it's less for me about titillation and more about camaraderie. Whereas I used to exclusively visit the Weight Board, Paysite Board, and Recent Additions Stories Forum, I now rarely go to those places. Now I mostly frequent The Lounge and the West Boards, and lately the Main Board. I guess what I'm saying is I can see both sides of the Dims coin. I understand that some have no interest in the library or the paysite forums while others don't really care to express themselves openly on the main board or hang in The Lounge. That is A-Okay, as long as we can get along and tolerate one another's particular interests then no biggie at all. The old adage, if you don't like something then don't look at it comes into play here - and this works for BOTH sides of that previously mentioned coin.

Thanks for listening everybody and, most importantly, for understanding each other.


----------



## Mathias

Gendo Ikari said:


> There we go.
> 
> Thats the thing that is pissing us off.
> 
> We helped build this community, this website, and people like you don't even want to acknowledge that.
> 
> "support comes the fans"
> 
> "Don't look over here."
> 
> It's like you people don't even want to be assoicated with us, that down south is the red headed step child.
> 
> What are we, leppers?
> 
> "Keep away, unclean!"



Participate more and you'll get more out of it.


----------



## Gendo Ikari

Mathias said:


> Participate more and you'll get more out of it.



Yes, I'll be sure to post more in the lounge and spam up my post count.


----------



## mossystate

Gendo Ikari said:


> There we go.
> 
> Thats the thing that is pissing us off.
> 
> We helped build this community, this website, and people like you don't even want to acknowledge that.
> 
> "support comes the fans"
> 
> "Don't look over here."
> 
> It's like you people don't even want to be assoicated with us, that down south is the red headed step child.
> 
> What are we, leppers?
> 
> "Keep away, unclean!"




You said in one of your posts that you prefer to keep to the stories section. Now, whatever the reasons, they are yours, and I am not going to go all drama king and say, " OH, you treat fat women, like me, like LEPERS!!!...you do not want to talk to us unless it is to get story ideas, and we are a BIG part of what made Dimensions !! ". 

Who owes you...anything?

But, yes, if anybody should feel a lil guilty...it SHOULD be those who like the library, and actively read the stories...etc...etc..

So, if I say that people who write stories, helped form Dims...will that mean something to you? Notice I did not call for a parade and balloons. Stories written have helped form Dims. There. No positive...or negative. 

You have also said that the realities of your fantasies are sad and heavy on your heart. Gendo, maybe you are projecting a little, and perhaps should look a little closer to home. Nobody is treating you like a leper...but at least be clear that your fans are leaving you in the dirt, if you must look at things the way you are looking at them.


----------



## mossystate

Gendo Ikari said:


> Yes, I'll be sure to post more in the lounge and spam up my post count.



:doh:


:doh:


:doh:


that hurts



:doh:


----------



## Gendo Ikari

mossystate said:


> You said in one of your posts that you prefer to keep to the stories section. Now, whatever the reasons, they are yours, and I am not going to go all drama king and say, " OH, you treat fat women, like me, like LEPERS!!!...you do not want to talk to us unless it is to get story ideas, and we are a BIG part of what made Dimensions !! ".
> 
> Who owes you...anything?
> 
> But, yes, if anybody should feel a lil guilty...it SHOULD be those who like the library, and actively read the stories...etc...etc..
> 
> So, if I say that people who write stories, helped form Dims...will that mean something to you? Notice I did not call for a parade and balloons. Stories written have helped form Dims. There. No positive...or negative.
> 
> You have also said that the realities of your fantasies are sad and heavy on your heart. Gendo, maybe you are projecting a little, and perhaps should look a little closer to home. Nobody is treating you like a leper...but at least be clear that your fans are leaving you in the dirt, if you must look at things the way you are looking at them.


I'm sorry, your right.

I'm not being objective and not seeing your side.

Some of the critics of the library have posted that they have had traumatic childhoods. For me to ignore their pain is irresponsible and cruel.

Please forgive me.

I just get so upset when people claim that people like me aren't real FA's, it pisses me off so much.

It's like they spit in my face and my fellow writer's face.


----------



## Santaclear

Gendo Ikari said:


> Yes, I'll be sure to post more in the lounge and spam up my post count.



Gendo, what Mathias, Mossy and I are saying is if you want to be acknowledged and respected etc. by people who post in the rest of the forums, then post there. The Library is for the Library readers.



Gendo Ikari said:


> I'm sorry, your right.
> I'm not being objective and not seeing your side.
> Some of the critics of the library have posted that they have had traumatic childhoods. For me to ignore their pain is irresponsible and cruel.
> Please forgive me.
> I just get so upset when people claim that people like me aren't real FA's, it pisses me off so much.
> It's like they spit in my face and my fellow writer's face.



Oops, just saw this.
I don't feel that way (that because you write for the Library you're not a real FA etc.) I don't know you so it's not for me to say.


----------



## Inhibited

I'm so confused by the whole debate about the library. I just went to the library for the first time, i must admit i did not read any stories, but they are in sections, if you don't want to read about feeding, squishing, sex then why would you


----------



## Mathias

Gendo Ikari said:


> Yes, I'll be sure to post more in the lounge and spam up my post count.



You only participate in the Library and then piss and moan about how nobody pays attention to you? How about you step out of your bubble for a change? This site is alot more than made up stories.


----------



## Blackjack

Gendo Ikari said:


> We helped build this community, this website, and people like you don't even want to acknowledge that.



When you say "we", you mean all the other people who post almost exclusively on one board?


----------



## Gendo Ikari

Blackjack said:


> When you say "we", you mean all the other people who post almost exclusively on one board?


I mean those and the writers in the old library, Murph.


----------



## KittyKitten

BarbBBW said:


> the *judgmental, holier than thou catty*, insecure BS that gets thrown around.
> other than that I love it



*^^^^^^^^^^5*


----------



## KittyKitten

_*Sometimes I feel left out because I am a thick woman or "plumper"--slightly around Toccara from ANTM frame--classic voluptuous. Sometimes the site seems to cater to those over 250 lbs. In other words thick women/plumpers are often ignored. *_


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## Wagimawr

happyface83 said:


> Sometimes I feel left out because I am a thick woman or "plumper"--slightly around Toccara from ANTM frame--classic voluptuous. Sometimes the site seems to cater to those over 250 lbs. In other words thick women/plumpers are often ignored.[/COLOR]


Well there's a simple solution to that 

:eat1:


----------



## KittyKitten

Wagimawr said:


> Well there's a simple solution to that
> 
> :eat1:


_*
Hello, my sweet fellow, Wagimawr! But my body only allows me to gain a certain amount of weight. I have been the same weight since my last growth spurt at 20, no matter how much I eat. *_


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## tonynyc

happyface83 said:


> _*
> Hello, my sweet fellow, Wagimawr! But my body only allows me to gain a certain amount of weight. I have been the same weight since my last growth spurt at 20, no matter how much I eat. *_



do 100 bodyweight squat reps







or 

100 leg presses






and drink a gallon of whole milk each day :happy:


----------



## KittyKitten

tonynyc said:


> do 100 bodyweight squat reps
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> or
> 
> 100 leg presses
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> and drink a gallon of whole milk each day :happy:



_*LOL, hello Tony, how are you doing today? *_


----------



## tonynyc

happyface83 said:


> _*LOL, hello Tony, how are you doing today? *_




Can't complain :happy: welcome to the Boards.. you'll be a Dims machine in no time ... 

*Look at the pattern below and repeat after me*






*Milk is my friend.. I can drink a gallon of milk a day*


----------



## steve-aka

tonynyc said:


> *Look at the pattern below and repeat after me*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Milk is my friend.. I can drink a gallon of milk a day*



YE GODS, man! A *GALLON* of milk a day. If I did that I'd be spewing out kidney stones like a fuggin' rock quarry! Ugh!


----------



## Inhibited

I drink about a litre or more of milk a day, it is good for you bones and teeth..


----------



## tonynyc

steve-aka said:


> YE GODS, man! A *GALLON* of milk a day. If I did that I'd be spewing out kidney stones like a fuggin' rock quarry! Ugh!



*At the end of the Day your kidney stones will love you for it*






*Steve - say hello to your new physique* :happy:


----------



## steve-aka

tonynyc said:


> *At the end of the Day your kidney stones will love you for it*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Steve - say hello to your new physique* :happy:



No way, I've had THREE kidney stones this year alone and every time I get one I LOSE weight. I've gone from 220lbs to 190 without even trying - and I'm 6'4". It's the absolute WORST diet in the world, and that's saying a LOT!

Not to mention that the kidney stones are *HORRIBLY PAINFUL*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## tonynyc

steve-aka said:


> No way, I've had THREE kidney stones this year alone and every time I get one I LOSE weight. I've gone from 220lbs to 190 without even trying - and I'm 6'4". It's the absolute WORST diet in the world, and that's saying a LOT!
> 
> Not to mention that the kidney stones are *HORRIBLY PAINFUL*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Ouch... sorry to hear about the kidney stones and I do apologize. Sounds like a painful ordeal. Glad that you are feeling better...:happy:


----------



## steve-aka

tonynyc said:


> Ouch... sorry to hear about the kidney stones and I do apologize. Sounds like a painful ordeal. Glad that you are feeling better...:happy:



No worries, Tony. I know you were just joking. If it wasn't for the godawful pain, I'd have to laugh about the stones, especially the one that came on the day before my birthday this year! What a laugh riot that was! Nothin' like spending your birthday in the hospital, especially since it was the hospital I work at! HI-larious!!!

Oh, and thanx for the good wishes!


----------



## collared Princess

In my opinion (not that its worth anything) I think you have to be part of the click..it seems the click is made up of a group of people that have the same mind set..rarley does anyone that thinks "out of the box" is accepted in the click..Just mainstream people, average everyday people but it is hard to be excepted if you dont apear to be mainstream...just my thoughts...


----------



## Santaclear

collared Princess said:


> In my opinion (not that its worth anything) I think you have to be part of the click..it seems the click is made up of a group of people that have the same mind set..rarley does anyone that thinks "out of the box" is accepted in the click..Just mainstream people, average everyday people but it is hard to be excepted if you dont apear to be mainstream...just my thoughts...



I'm fresh out of the box!


----------



## SocialbFly

Santaclear said:


> I'm fresh out of the box!



But i heard that someone i know has the key


----------



## Santaclear

SocialbFly said:


> But i heard that someone i know has the key



Yes, she most definitely do! *_goes back into box*_


----------



## SocialbFly

Santaclear said:


> Yes, she most definitely do! *_goes back into box*_



Hahaha, you enjoy it in the dark too much, come back out, both of you!!!!


----------



## Fascinita

He's in the box, I'm with the fishes. 

(My Fishville tank on FB, where I've been keeping myself.  )

View attachment fish.jpg


----------



## Wagimawr

happyface83 said:


> _*
> Hello, my sweet fellow, Wagimawr! But my body only allows me to gain a certain amount of weight. I have been the same weight since my last growth spurt at 20, no matter how much I eat. *_


Eh, it's a thought; I feel contractually obligated to point out the "hey you! you should get fatter!" option. 

There's a place for you here too, though. You're still fat, right?


----------



## littlefairywren

Fascinita said:


> He's in the box, I'm with the fishes.
> 
> (My Fishville tank on FB, where I've been keeping myself.  )
> 
> View attachment 73290



Oooh, so pretty....off to feed my fish


----------



## lovelocs

I think, looking at some of the drawn out dramas that tend to start in threads, that this doesn't always feel like the most welcoming place on earth. Even with my first post (in the show your face section), the response that I received was kind of puzzling and off putting. But looking at my original post, I could see how it might have spurred that response. I assumed the best, got over it, and went on to keep posting. I find that things seem to go better online if I assume the best about people, and their intentions (as long as I'm not giving out personal or financial information). 
From time to time, some of my posts meet with silence. They rarely are met with rudeness as I try not to be rude. I don't take it personally, I just assume that no one had any more to add, or that maybe I'll revise my approach next time. Yes, there are cliques, and *personalities* at Dims. It is not a Utopian society. Maybe, in time, I'll have a laid-back, non-judgmental clique of my own.


BTW, There should be a double-chinned smiley. Something like this ).


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

lovelocs said:


> I think, looking at some of the drawn out dramas that tend to start in threads, that this doesn't always feel like the most welcoming place on earth. Even with my first post (in the show your face section), the response that I received was kind of puzzling and off putting. But looking at my original post, I could see how it might have spurred that response. I assumed the best, got over it, and went on to keep posting. I find that things seem to go better online if I assume the best about people, and their intentions (as long as I'm not giving out personal or financial information).
> From time to time, some of my posts meet with silence. They rarely are met with rudeness as I try not to be rude. I don't take it personally, I just assume that no one had any more to add, or that maybe I'll revise my approach next time. Yes, there are cliques, and *personalities* at Dims. It is not a Utopian society. Maybe, in time, I'll have a laid-back, non-judgmental clique of my own.
> 
> 
> BTW, There should be a double-chinned smiley. Something like this ).



Good post Lovelocs- sorry I'm out of rep at the moment.  

I wish someone would rep you for not only your positive attitude but your double chin smiley idea as well


----------



## tonynyc

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Good post Lovelocs- sorry I'm out of rep at the moment.
> 
> I wish someone would rep you for not only your positive attitude but your double chin smiley idea as well



*Got it covered for you Greenie*


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

tonynyc said:


> *Got it covered for you Greenie*



Thank you Tony )


----------



## TraciJo67

Santaclear said:


> I'm fresh out of the box!



Did you click your way out?


----------



## squeezablysoft

I see what y'all mean about feeling out of place here. I mean, I guess I SHOULD feel out of place, considering I'm a newbie here and all, but I have other reasons, too. I'm comfortable with the concept of communicating online (I'm 25 and have been online for 10 years now), but the format of this and most other forums I visit is confusing, with thousands of threads, many of which are about essentially the same thing. It does make it nearly impossible for a new person to catch up on all the posts over the years. I have been reading and contributing to a forum about one of my other passions (eyeglasses and their wearers) for almost 4 years and it had been around for nearly a decade before that, but because it is arranged differently than most forums, with only around 50 current threads on different topics, plus some zipped archive files from the site's early years, it was much easier to get caught up and I have now read everything that is on that site. I would have to say I probably feel more at home there than anywhere else on the Net, even though I'm a member of several groups, fetish and otherwise. I don't know if anyone here has a glasses fetish (it's pretty rare, I think, much rarer than a fat fetish, which is probably one reason why those of us who are into glasses are such a tight-knit group, even though it is also probably the reason why few of us have ever met in person), but if you look at or decide to take a look at EyeScene, look through the posts for All4Eyes, that's me.

In response to the poll, I answered "Body Type", for two reasons. First, because of my own body type, and secondly, because of the body types I'm attracted to. I think people who are moderately fat kinda get left out of things a lot. I have a round belly and thick thighs with cellulite, so I'm not what the skinny world considers beautiful. But I only weigh 122 lbs. (which is bigger than it sounds on me, since I'm only 4'11", with a small bone structure), so I'm not the Super-Sized goddess everyone here admires, either. I also have Cerebral Palsy, so my body makes me feel a little out of place almost everywhere I go. 

And I feel a little left out because I'm like the only one here who's currently trying to lose weight. Now, before y'all start booing me, let me tell you it's for practical purposes. As I said, I have CP, so I have a hard time getting around when I'm even a little overweight, and the only person I have here to help me is my mother, who is not very big herself (she's a couple inches taller than me, but I outweigh her right now) and on top of that she has Multiple Sclerosis. Now, if I had an adoring FA to cater to my every whim, I might enjoy doing nothing but eating and growing to 1,000 lbs like in the weight-gain stories here, but I think in real-life I would get bored pretty quick with being immobile. I also have yet to reach a very advanced state of enlightenment (or should I perhaps say "enheavienment"?) WRT fat acceptance for myself personally. I always felt inferior because of my weight and wished I had a flat stomach so I could wear two-piece bathing suits like my friends. So my attitude is sort of like "I like fat...on other people". But when I really think about how I feel about how my body looks and feels, as opposed to what I think everyone else thinks about it, I realise I do get a kind of sensual pleasure from my extra padding. And I love to eat, of course, so to do more of that and get even more soft and cuddly in the bargain (barGAIN!?) isn't that bad an idea afterall, I guess. If it weren't for this stupid CP. I'm exercising some now, I'm hoping that maybe if I can build a little muscle I can get strong enough to carry a bit more weight around, and I'll still be soft and cute, cause the muscle will be underneath my fat. Of course, if I'm exercising I'll have to eat more to stay plump, but I guess I'll just have to endure that 8;-). 

I'm also not your typical FFA, in that I like some skinny people and I'm not really into the huge BHM's so much as the ones that are just what I call "squeezably soft", like around 30-50 lbs. over what is considered ideal by the charts. I guess some people like folks to be Queen- or King-Sized, I'm happy with Princess- or Prince-Sized (well, not Prince-Sized as in the size of Prince, AKA the Artist Formerly Known As, he was way too thin!).

And the last reason I feel out of place is because I do still live with my Mom, who is very anti-fat, so I have to keep the fact that I'm a member here a secret from her, which means I can't visit or post to this site as often as I'd like.


----------



## squeezablysoft

Ok, I'm reading through some posts here and see references to what's called a "plumper", is this the "kinda chubby, but not really huge" kind of figure I've been talking about? And is there like a glossary of terms somewhere on here, I'm very new to the whole FA scene, so I'm not always sure what the words mean.



squeezablysoft said:


> I see what y'all mean about feeling out of place here. I mean, I guess I SHOULD feel out of place, considering I'm a newbie here and all, but I have other reasons, too. I'm comfortable with the concept of communicating online (I'm 25 and have been online for 10 years now), but the format of this and most other forums I visit is confusing, with thousands of threads, many of which are about essentially the same thing. It does make it nearly impossible for a new person to catch up on all the posts over the years. I have been reading and contributing to a forum about one of my other passions (eyeglasses and their wearers) for almost 4 years and it had been around for nearly a decade before that, but because it is arranged differently than most forums, with only around 50 current threads on different topics, plus some zipped archive files from the site's early years, it was much easier to get caught up and I have now read everything that is on that site. I would have to say I probably feel more at home there than anywhere else on the Net, even though I'm a member of several groups, fetish and otherwise. I don't know if anyone here has a glasses fetish (it's pretty rare, I think, much rarer than a fat fetish, which is probably one reason why those of us who are into glasses are such a tight-knit group, even though it is also probably the reason why few of us have ever met in person), but if you look at or decide to take a look at EyeScene, look through the posts for All4Eyes, that's me.
> 
> In response to the poll, I answered "Body Type", for two reasons. First, because of my own body type, and secondly, because of the body types I'm attracted to. I think people who are moderately fat kinda get left out of things a lot. I have a round belly and thick thighs with cellulite, so I'm not what the skinny world considers beautiful. But I only weigh 122 lbs. (which is bigger than it sounds on me, since I'm only 4'11", with a small bone structure), so I'm not the Super-Sized goddess everyone here admires, either. I also have Cerebral Palsy, so my body makes me feel a little out of place almost everywhere I go.
> 
> And I feel a little left out because I'm like the only one here who's currently trying to lose weight. Now, before y'all start booing me, let me tell you it's for practical purposes. As I said, I have CP, so I have a hard time getting around when I'm even a little overweight, and the only person I have here to help me is my mother, who is not very big herself (she's a couple inches taller than me, but I outweigh her right now) and on top of that she has Multiple Sclerosis. Now, if I had an adoring FA to cater to my every whim, I might enjoy doing nothing but eating and growing to 1,000 lbs like in the weight-gain stories here, but I think in real-life I would get bored pretty quick with being immobile. I also have yet to reach a very advanced state of enlightenment (or should I perhaps say "enheavienment"?) WRT fat acceptance for myself personally. I always felt inferior because of my weight and wished I had a flat stomach so I could wear two-piece bathing suits like my friends. So my attitude is sort of like "I like fat...on other people". But when I really think about how I feel about how my body looks and feels, as opposed to what I think everyone else thinks about it, I realise I do get a kind of sensual pleasure from my extra padding. And I love to eat, of course, so to do more of that and get even more soft and cuddly in the bargain (barGAIN!?) isn't that bad an idea afterall, I guess. If it weren't for this stupid CP. I'm exercising some now, I'm hoping that maybe if I can build a little muscle I can get strong enough to carry a bit more weight around, and I'll still be soft and cute, cause the muscle will be underneath my fat. Of course, if I'm exercising I'll have to eat more to stay plump, but I guess I'll just have to endure that 8;-).
> 
> I'm also not your typical FFA, in that I like some skinny people and I'm not really into the huge BHM's so much as the ones that are just what I call "squeezably soft", like around 30-50 lbs. over what is considered ideal by the charts. I guess some people like folks to be Queen- or King-Sized, I'm happy with Princess- or Prince-Sized (well, not Prince-Sized as in the size of Prince, AKA the Artist Formerly Known As, he was way too thin!).
> 
> And the last reason I feel out of place is because I do still live with my Mom, who is very anti-fat, so I have to keep the fact that I'm a member here a secret from her, which means I can't visit or post to this site as often as I'd like.


----------



## kayrae

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/faq.html#25


----------



## mergirl

Wait.. how can dimensions have trademarked and 'coined' BBW??!!! It derives from legends from civil rights movements ..eg "Black is beautiful".... so then "Big is beautiful" ..
So how could you say you 'made up' the term 'big beautiful woman'? Its like saying you made up the term 'black beautiful woman'. I see that it was dimensions.. that said dimensions coined the phrase though...hmmmmmmmm..
I think dimensions will find actually...this term cannot be trademarked... 
p.s. i studied copywrite law.


----------



## Tina

I'm no expert, but this is what I know.

Carole Shaw, the original founder and publisher of the magazine (which I used to subscribe to, BTW) "BBW" coined the term. She copyrighted and trademarked it, I believe. When the magazine was going under after being in publication for a number of years, Conrad bought the magazine, and therefore, the rights to the term and name. It's not public property, though it kind of feels like it is.


----------



## mergirl

Tina said:


> I'm no expert, but this is what I know.
> 
> Carole Shaw, the original founder and publisher of the magazine (which I used to subscribe to, BTW) "BBW" coined the term. She copyrighted and trademarked it, I believe. When the magazine was going under after being in publication for a number of years, Conrad bought the magazine, and therefore, the rights to the term and name. It's not public property, though it kind of feels like it is.


Just cause some porno mag said "hot wet lesbians" (HWL) does not mean that publication owns those joined up words. 
I would love to see the trademark for 'BBW'- I am pretty much sure you can't own a term like that. If i was a betting person.. i would bet my bottom pound! lol.
I am just off to check to see if there is a trademark on this term..


----------



## mergirl

Bath and body works'. Owns the copywrite to the term 'bbw'... on a comercial capacity.


----------



## Neen

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Speaking for myself only.... I have felt extremely out of place in the last few months.
> 
> I tend to feel a bit out of place because there are so many who actually "know" each other, in "real" life, as opposed to the internet. I find I have trouble getting involved in some discussions, because it's clear that the discussion is an "inside" thing. I don't necessarily have a problem with that, but it can be tough to get involved.
> 
> That said... there are some VERY VERY VERY nice people here, who have been extremely kind to me, and I have NO complaints about that. I appreciate everyone being so friendly and nice. I've posted a fair amount of pictures, and I've always gotten very wonderful compliments, which I greatly appreciate. I try to return those comments and compliments to everyone else as well, because I do know how good they make ME feel... I know others would like to receive the same.
> 
> I find that I don't feel my posts are "clever" enough... that what I have to say seems insignificant, compared to what some of the others have posted. So rather than post something stupid or insignificant, I don't post at all. I like reading what everyone else posts, but I keep my thoughts to myself, unless something really strikes me. I do worry that I come across badly because I don't get involved more. I don't want to be seen as snobby or better than anyone else. That's not the case at all, I just don't feel as smart some others here. So I just read a lot.
> 
> I've cut back my posting in the last few months... specifically for one reason. I cannot tolerate the rude, nasty comments that go flying around periodically. (not at me, thank goodness) Internet or not, I don't see the need to be flat out rude to someone because you don't like their post, or you think they said something that's aimed at you. What usually follows is back and forth posts trading insults...each one getting progressively more nasty and rude. I can't stand it. I have said this about people in every day society.... when did it become okay to be rude to people?
> 
> I also realize that somethings are said to be a joke or said sarcastically.... but, being written as opposed to being spoken... one doesn't hear the vocal inflection to know that it was intended to be a joke or was said sarcastically. I think that starts a lot of nasty discussion.
> 
> Generally I enjoy being here... I just would like to feel more comfortable in the discussions.



100% AGREED! 
I love dims as a rule, have met some very lovely people..but i do agree and tend to notice that folks will post on a topic.. and another person will comment rudely, and 4 pages later it's so off topic and full of insults and rants that it's just silly.. that's why i've been just reading and not posting as much.


----------



## Fascinita

mergirl said:


> Wait.. how can dimensions have trademarked and 'coined' BBW??!!! It derives from legends from civil rights movements ..eg "Black is beautiful".... so then "Big is beautiful" ..
> So how could you say you 'made up' the term 'big beautiful woman'? Its like saying you made up the term 'black beautiful woman'. I see that it was dimensions.. that said dimensions coined the phrase though...hmmmmmmmm..
> I think dimensions will find actually...this term cannot be trademarked...
> p.s. i studied copywrite law.



The short of it is that words and short phrases _cannot_ be copyrighted.

A short phrase--"Big Beatiful Woman," for example--_can_ be trademarked for a business or product. Trademarking protects that phrase against use by _competing services or products only._

Anyone who is not running a competing service or product may use the trademarked phrase as she pleases.


----------



## LovelyLiz

mergirl said:


> Bath and body works'. Owns the copywrite to the term 'bbw'... on a comercial capacity.



I noticed their use of that acronym when I was there buying some soap and aromatherapy stuff the other day...

This totally clears up a misunderstanding I have had for a while. Several years back I was looking for a certain scented lotion on ebay or something (I think at the time I really liked the warm vanilla sugar), and there were several labeled: BBW fragrace - Warm Vanilla Sugar...and I was like "WHAT!? Why is it a BBW fragrance? Do only fat women use it? Are they generalizing just because it smells like delicious sweet food? Jerks!" Now I get it...


----------



## mergirl

Fascinita said:


> The short of it is that words and short phrases _cannot_ be copyrighted.
> 
> A short phrase--"Big Beatiful Woman," for example--_can_ be trademarked for a business or product. Trademarking protects that phrase against use by _competing services or products only._
> 
> Anyone who is not running a competing service or product may use the trademarked phrase as she pleases.


Now, unless Conrad actually owns a big beautiful woman and uses her as a company, then it is safe to say he does not own that term. 
Horray! It is a term of the people!
Thank you Fascinita for your knowledge. When i studied copywrite it was mainly to do with music and at that it was only for a wee while, though i knew that didn't sound right.


----------



## squeezablysoft

Thx for the FAQ link, Kayrae


----------

