# Why "To Be Fat Like Me" Is A Step Back



## moonvine (Jan 3, 2007)

Great, great article on BFB this morning!

I think it says why fat acceptance and dieting don't mix better than I can.



> To me this neatly summarizes the recent co-opting of fat acceptance's language. Here, Lifetime - clearly interested in selling ad space to weight loss products on their site and on TV - is trying to pull a Kirstie Alley and have it both ways. Accept fat people, but lose weight. This is "fat acceptance lite" once again.
> 
> Listen. There are going to be people who support equality for fat people and then diet to lose weight. And there are going to be people who support equality for fat people and don't diet. Heretofore we've drawn a line in the sand, saying that if you subscribe to the fat acceptance philosophy you also subscribe to the idea of health at any size.
> 
> ...



I just love BFB. :wubu: 

Link to the whole entry: http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/001932.php


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## Big D Guy (Jan 6, 2007)

I was disappointed just to see them promoting a movie portraying fat people as miserable and self hating. Maybe at the end instead of the weight watchers commercial, she can just say that she is glad that she is skinny, because being fat really sucked and if you want to be happy and to be loved, you should be skinny too.


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## TCUBOB (Jan 6, 2007)

There is an interesting chat with the filmmaker from Friday's WaPost.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2006/12/29/DI2006122900430.html


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## steely (Jan 6, 2007)

Trot out the hot blonde in a fat suit schtick,drives me crazy.Do something REAL for a change Instead of showing skinny girls dressed in fat suits that hate themselves,show real heavy girls who love themselves.


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## ripley (Jan 6, 2007)

When I saw the ad for this movie, the bottom half of the screen said "Brought to you by Jenny Craig."  

The passing interest I might have had in it dried up and blew away.


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## bellylover (Jan 6, 2007)

I agree with that. However sincere the intentions of the moviemaker may have been, why is it necessary to use a fat suit? If you want to make a documentary or film about the life of a fat person, hide a candid camera on a real big person. 

This goes for all other movies with fat suites as well. There are already almost no plus size actors or actresses and then if for once they need a fat person, they overpay millions of dollars to a famous actress to heave herself unrecognisably in a fat suit.


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## TallFatSue (Jan 6, 2007)

bellylover said:


> I agree with that. However sincere the intentions of the moviemaker may have been, why is it necessary to use a fat suit? If you want to make a documentary or film about the life of a fat person, hide a candid camera on a real big person.
> 
> This goes for all other movies with fat suites as well. There are already almost no plus size actors or actresses and then if for once they need a fat person, they overpay millions of dollars to a famous actress to heave herself unrecognisably in a fat suit.


I've pretty much given up on seeing fat people in general and fat women in particular treated sympathically on camera. Movie after movie, Hollywood has pretty much made up its mind to portray fat people as miserable or as buffoons. The reality is that many of us are happy productive members of society, but why let reality get in the way of their pre-conceived notions? 

Dreaming up my own scenario: "The Amazing Super Colossal Woman: A Love Story"


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## out.of.habit (Jan 6, 2007)

This passive-aggressive swipe at size acceptance is frustrating, to say the least. What is this "Being fat is hard! Losing weight would fix that, you know." bullshit?

Right. Being fat is what makes people miserable. Certainly it wouldn't be a nasty attitude, a holier-than-thou perspective, a persistent and negative message from the media that you're not as important, not as eligible, not as worthy or gorgeous, and the roll-over-and-drool acceptance of a mindset that marginalizes people based on an arbitrary physical attribute.

/rant _before it becomes irritating high pitched gibberish _


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## Big D Guy (Jan 8, 2007)

I say that Dairy Queen should run commercials during this program to balance things out since there will apparently be lots of Jenny Craig ads.


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## out.of.habit (Jan 8, 2007)

Big D Guy said:


> I say that Dairy Queen should run commercials during this program to balance things out since there will apparently be lots of Jenny Craig ads.



Ha ha, I like that idea. Let's add Sonic to the list too.


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## 1300 Class (Jan 9, 2007)

+1. 

To all thats been commented so far.


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## BBW Betty (Jan 9, 2007)

I watched the first half of it last night. There were some pretty good insights presented on the prejudice we face on a daily basis. However, I really resented the implication that we are fat b/c we are weak, or that we don't eat anything healthy. The main character's little brother is fat, and gets picked on by bullies. He is only ever shown eating lots of fattening stuff.

The girl Kaley (sp?) meets at her new school is a very pretty fat girl. She's smart, but of course has the stereotypical "stash" of candy in her car's glove box. And when they meet to study, it's over chili fries.

I did like how Kaley's character demonstrates standing up for yourself when faced with the prejudice in the clothing store.

That's as far as I watched it--but if it comes on again I might watch the rest.


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## JoyJoy (Jan 9, 2007)

I watched the previews all weekend with mixed feelings. I'm not sure if good can come from it, however, if for no other reason, I'd love to pat Ali Schmidt on the back for her response here (from the Washington Post interview link originally posted by TCUBOB): 



> *Washington, D.C.: I don't mean to sound insensitive to people struggling with their weight, I certainly work hard at exercise and diet to maintain a healthy body -- but how is prejudice towards obesity different than towards say, smokers? (whom we don't allow in certain places, and many businesses/apartment buildings are starting to require non-smoking employees/tenants) Both are CHOICES people make that jeopardize their health.
> Thanks.
> Ali Schmidt: The thing is for a lot of people obesity is not a choice. On one hand, it can be completely genetic. On the other you have to realize that even when I was in a fat suit, walking up the stairs for me was like running three miles. There are so many health problems, heart problems, that skinny people neglect because they want to believe that obesity is a choice. Also, I was speaking to this woman who was my doctor a few years ago and she said that she had done many studies on obesity and had told me that 50 percent of the clinically obese women that she interviewed had only become obese after having been seriously sexually harassed. So these women ate and ate essentially to become invisible to the desire of men.
> So there are so, so, so many physical and psychological elements of obesity that don't make it a choice like smoking. You can quit smoking; you can't quit obesity.
> *


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## moonvine (Jan 9, 2007)

JoyJoy said:


> I watched the previews all weekend with mixed feelings. I'm not sure if good can come from it, however, if for no other reason, I'd love to pat Ali Schmidt on the back for her response here (from the Washington Post interview link originally posted by TCUBOB):




Ugh! Why?:doh: 

Ok ladies, how many of you here purposely became fat to become "invisible to the desire of men?" I say again, WTF? 

She sounds like she has no earthly idea what she thinks, how am I supposed to decipher it?

On the one hand, she says that being fat isn't a choice. 

Then she says fat women eat and become fat to become "invisible to the desire of men," which would make being fat, guess what, a choice.

Then there is the whole sexual harrassment thing. OK, if the numbers of fat women are increasing, and fatness is attributable to sexual harrassment in 50% of cases (among fat women - I guess this means fat men are not sexually harrassed - so why are they fat?), does that mean sexual harrassment is increasing at a similar rate?

Then there's the whole use of the O word, which annoys me to no end.

I guess she was trying to be "nice", but she failed pretty miserably and hit on several stereotypes of fat and fat women, IMO.

May I ask which part you felt deserved a pat on the back? I'd really like to know.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 9, 2007)

Me for one. I was molested as a child and not fat until I was molested and kept gaining weight through my life because it kept men away. Only therapy helped me deal with that issue.




moonvine said:


> Ok ladies, how many of you here purposely became fat to become "invisible to the desire of men?"


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## JoyJoy (Jan 9, 2007)

moonvine said:


> Ugh! Why?:doh:
> 
> Ok ladies, how many of you here purposely became fat to become "invisible to the desire of men?" I say again, WTF?
> 
> ...


 Her statement hit home for me. I was abused as a child by my father, and I believe there are several others here on the board who were. My experiences caused me to have sexuality issues in my marriage, I spent many years being excessively shy, and eating/getting fat was my shield. I didn't conscioiusly "choose" to get fat...it was my way of coping. 

Her statement seemed very valid to me from my viewpoint, something which I certainly don't expect everyone to understand...but for someone her age and size to come back with a response like that is worth commending her for. The fact that she recognizes the fact that not all fat people made a conscious choice to become big, but are that way due to issues that are/were out of their control at the time, shows that she is, at least, trying to understand the issues that we deal with as large people, and to get other people to understand, as well. No one has said that her presentation isn't flawed, but she does deserve credit for trying, something not many others have done as well as she. As I said in my original post, there's a lot to question about this little experiment and movie, but there are some good aspects of it, and I stand by my feeling that this statement is one of them.


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## moonvine (Jan 9, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Me for one. I was molested as a child and not fat until I was molested and kept gaining weight through my life because it kept men away. Only therapy helped me deal with that issue.



I'm not going to say that no fat women are fat because they were molested, but I think 50% is way too high.

I can say that I have never been molested, unless it was so traumatic that I have blocked it out.

I'm curious, and please don't answer this if it is too personal, or PM me or something - I have often said that men do not approach me, and you have said that they approach you often, particularly in Texas if I remember correctly, but now you are saying you got fat because it kept men from approaching you? Do you think it was a change in your attitude due to your therapy that made you seem more approachable? Or that you started participating in BBW events..didn't you meet your handsome hubby at a BBW dance?


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## xoxoshelby (Jan 9, 2007)

The only problem I had with this movie is that I couldn't relate to ANY of it. I never faced antyof those prejudices in high school. I hung out with the "cool" kids. I went out with them every weekend. I'm not saying there wasn't the occasional comment, but nothing like this movie. I can't even fathom going into a store and having something taken out of my hand by a sales person because it wouldn't fit me...and to have a stranger pour a drink on me, does this happen to people? I guess maybe it does, but I don't think it's the majority. God forbid they make a movie about a fat girl who is popular and has tons of friends and gets along with everyone.


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## moonvine (Jan 9, 2007)

JoyJoy said:


> Her statement hit home for me. I was abused as a child by my father, and I believe there are several others here on the board who were. My experiences caused me to have sexuality issues in my marriage, I spent many years being excessively shy, and eating/getting fat was my shield. I didn't conscioiusly "choose" to get fat...it was my way of coping.



I'm really sorry this happened to you and anyone else on this board it happened to, and I didn't mean to belittle or discount your experiences. People discount my inability to find a date all the time and it bothers me. 

I'm surprised to hear women here that they became fat to avoid men, as it seems such a sexually charged place, more so than most. It probably isn't the place I'd come if I were avoiding men, but that is just me, and doesn't have to apply to anyone else.


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## JoyJoy (Jan 9, 2007)

moonvine said:


> I'm not going to say that no fat women are fat because they were molested, but I think 50% is way too high.


 
Her statement said that 50% of the women her doctor had interviewed felt this way. She doesn't give any numbers, but if she had only interviewed 20-30 women and half of that number responded that they had been abused, that's not very far-fetched. Given that we don't know how many women she intervieed, and that there are several factors we don't know, I don't think we can jump on this and call it inaccurate. I've chatted with several big women over the years who have had similar experiences to mine.


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## JoyJoy (Jan 9, 2007)

moonvine said:


> I'm really sorry this happened to you and anyone else on this board it happened to, and I didn't mean to belittle or discount your experiences. People discount my inability to find a date all the time and it bothers me.
> 
> I'm surprised to hear women here that they became fat to avoid men, as it seems such a sexually charged place, more so than most. It probably isn't the place I'd come if I were avoiding men, but that is just me, and doesn't have to apply to anyone else.


 That experience was many years ago and I'm a completely different person now. The person I am now isn't fat out of fear of men...I don't need that crutch any more. Being fat is just part of who I am now. Dimensions is a sexually charged place, yes, but it offers so, so much more than that to many people. Even if I weren't secure in who I am, I'd still come here for the support and friendship I get.


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## moonvine (Jan 9, 2007)

JoyJoy said:


> Her statement said that 50% of the women her doctor had interviewed felt this way. She doesn't give any numbers, but if she had only interviewed 20-30 women and half of that number responded that they had been abused, that's not very far-fetched. Given that we don't know how many women she intervieed, and that there are several factors we don't know, I don't think we can jump on this and call it inaccurate. I've chatted with several big women over the years who have had similar experiences to mine.




Well, it is a stereotype. 

I think any stereotype you can name has some members of the group that fit the stereotype - some blondes are ditzy, some Asian people are highly intelligent, etc. I just think things like this are bad because they encourage thoughts about people that may not be accurate. I don't want anyone looking at me and assuming that I am fat because I was molested, and I fear that is where this is heading (the interview - not your statement).


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## moonvine (Jan 9, 2007)

JoyJoy said:


> Dimensions is a sexually charged place, yes, but it offers so, so much more than that to many people. Even if I weren't secure in who I am, I'd still come here for the support and friendship I get.



Yes, I understand it is like that for a lot of people. I don't really understand it personally, but I have certainly heard that sentiment expressed.


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## JoyJoy (Jan 9, 2007)

moonvine said:


> Well, it is a stereotype.
> 
> I think any stereotype you can name has some members of the group that fit the stereotype - some blondes are ditzy, some Asian people are highly intelligent, etc. I just think things like this are bad because they encourage thoughts about people that may not be accurate. I don't want anyone looking at me and assuming that I am fat because I was molested, and I fear that is where this is heading (the interview - not your statement).


 You're right...we all deal with the sterotypes put upon us for whatever reason. There's really not any way we're going to escape them, and it's up to each of us to live in such a way that contradicts whatever false stereotype we face. However, I feel that her thoughts in that particular response were novel considering her viewpoint, and was glad to see them expressed. If the person she responded to is perhaps now able to see fat people in a new way, even a little bit, and doesn't now consider the issue of obesity as one that compares to second-hand smoke, or even just started some gears turning toward possible change in thought, then any flaws in her logic seem worth it to me and quite overcomable.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 9, 2007)

moonvine said:


> I'm curious, and please don't answer this if it is too personal, or PM me or something - I have often said that men do not approach me, and you have said that they approach you often, particularly in Texas if I remember correctly, but now you are saying you got fat because it kept men from approaching you? Do you think it was a change in your attitude due to your therapy that made you seem more approachable? Or that you started participating in BBW events..didn't you meet your handsome hubby at a BBW dance?



I was 30 before I remembered the molestation and only had my first date at 28. But men always approached me but I was terrified of them so I ate more. I was in therapy at the age of 30 and it still rears it's ugly head from time to time. But men have always approached and flirted with me - especially in Texas - I don't know why TX is different it just is. Yes, I met Wayne at a BBW event - and believe me he has dealt with a lot of my baggage with me over the years. Going to BBW events did help me feel pretty - but that also raised issues for me. There really is no cut and dry answer to the question you asked.

Yes - I gained weight to keep men away - yes men even still flirted with me - it scared the crap out of me to be flirted with - only therapy has helped me get past that some of that but it's still there and I still have issues.


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## saucywench (Jan 9, 2007)

moonvine said:


> Yes, I understand it is like that for a lot of people. I don't really understand it personally, but I have certainly heard that sentiment expressed.


I'm a little confused. With 3,137 posts to your credit, you're saying that the primary reason you're here on these forums is because you're looking for a date? And you reason that that's why most folks are here?

I'd say your _raison d'etre_ Dimensions is the exception rather than the norm.


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## moonvine (Jan 9, 2007)

saucywench said:


> I'm a little confused. With 3,137 posts to your credit, you're saying that the primary reason you're here on these forums is because you're looking for a date? And you reason that that's why most folks are here?
> 
> I'd say your _raison d'etre_ Dimensions is the exception rather than the norm.




No, I'm saying that to a lot of people Dimensions appears to be very special place where they get a lot of support and friendship.

To me it is a web board, nothing less, nothing more. I come here when I'm bored at work. And yes, with 3,137 (now 38!) posts to my credit, I'm bored at work a lot. I'm not here because I'm looking for a date and in fact I am no longer looking for a date. I figured that if I could not find a date in 2 years of dedicated searching (not on the Dimensions web board, either) that it was time to hang it up and spend my time in more productive ways. (Well, the time when I'm not bored at work, anyway. )


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## BIGIRISHGIRL (Jan 9, 2007)

I dont know about you folks, but I have never kept candy bars in my glove box. In fact I didnt even know that was a common thing for Fat people to do..lol...


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## NFA (Jan 9, 2007)

Pity isn't exactly an encouraging motive. I recognize that the woman may have thought she was being sympathetic when she assumes that half of all fat women are fat because of sexual abuse, the truth is that she's been given VERY bad information. Whether there are individual instances of that or not, suggesting it as a significant explanation for fatness acts to characterize fat people as broken. Whether blame is assigned or not, that identification can have a powerfully demoralizing effect on fat people. As long as people are assigning blame, they are still identifying our bodies as unacceptable. Whether the speaker wishes to hold us as deliberately responsible or not. Often we see those who are eager to find something to blame our bodies on. I have to think that is what happened with the doctor who struck upon the notion that 50% of fat women have eaten themselves fat as a result of sexual trauma in childhood. There are multiple erroneous assumpsions there. That a majority or even significant minority of fat people are fat from overeating, something which has not been factually established at all. That if one were molested and later became fat (or fatter) than one followed the other. And that a few instances reported to one individual represented a useful fact to pass onto a journalist (which is a fair way to characterize the young woman who participated in the initial documentary). The doctor was playing very fast and loose with a very serious issue and its more than fair to point that out. The implication of this suggestion is that 17% of ALL women are fat because they've been abused. That also would represent nearly 80% of all women who have been sexually abused or assaulted. It may only be anecdotal evidence, but its so clearly unfounded that to pass it along to the press is frankly reckless.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 9, 2007)

Actually 50% is a conservative estimate. According to my last therapist - his educated guess - is 80% of all fat women have been molested or abused in one way or another. 

In case you ask - this therapist was a PHD with over 20 years of counseling under his belt and he specialized in childhood abuse issues.






NFA said:


> Pity isn't exactly an encouraging motive. I recognize that the woman may have thought she was being sympathetic when she assumes that half of all fat women are fat because of sexual abuse, the truth is that she's been given VERY bad information. Whether there are individual instances of that or not, suggesting it as a significant explanation for fatness acts to characterize fat people as broken. Whether blame is assigned or not, that identification can have a powerfully demoralizing effect on fat people. As long as people are assigning blame, they are still identifying our bodies as unacceptable. Whether the speaker wishes to hold us as deliberately responsible or not. Often we see those who are eager to find something to blame our bodies on. I have to think that is what happened with the doctor who struck upon the notion that 50% of fat women have eaten themselves fat as a result of sexual trauma in childhood. There are multiple erroneous assumpsions there. That a majority or even significant minority of fat people are fat from overeating, something which has not been factually established at all. That if one were molested and later became fat (or fatter) than one followed the other. And that a few instances reported to one individual represented a useful fact to pass onto a journalist (which is a fair way to characterize the young woman who participated in the initial documentary). The doctor was playing very fast and loose with a very serious issue and its more than fair to point that out. The implication of this suggestion is that 17% of ALL women are fat because they've been abused. That also would represent nearly 80% of all women who have been sexually abused or assaulted. It may only be anecdotal evidence, but its so clearly unfounded that to pass it along to the press is frankly reckless.


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 9, 2007)

"The reason why becomes clear here: if we say that it's okay to lose weight for the sake of losing weight, then fat acceptance does nothing. Cuoco wants fat people to get help ("let themselves go", a terribly negative statement) and yet wants us to accept diversity. If fat people are told they can lose weight or - worse - should lose weight, how exactly is that acceptance? Or liberation? Or revolution?"


I obvisouly don't agree with that statement, but I do think the show is going to fail in aiding the movement.


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## JoyJoy (Jan 9, 2007)

NFA said:


> Pity isn't exactly an encouraging motive. I recognize that the woman may have thought she was being sympathetic when she assumes that half of all fat women are fat because of sexual abuse, the truth is that she's been given VERY bad information. Whether there are individual instances of that or not, suggesting it as a significant explanation for fatness acts to characterize fat people as broken. Whether blame is assigned or not, that identification can have a powerfully demoralizing effect on fat people. As long as people are assigning blame, they are still identifying our bodies as unacceptable. Whether the speaker wishes to hold us as deliberately responsible or not. Often we see those who are eager to find something to blame our bodies on. I have to think that is what happened with the doctor who struck upon the notion that 50% of fat women have eaten themselves fat as a result of sexual trauma in childhood. There are multiple erroneous assumpsions there. That a majority or even significant minority of fat people are fat from overeating, something which has not been factually established at all. That if one were molested and later became fat (or fatter) than one followed the other. And that a few instances reported to one individual represented a useful fact to pass onto a journalist (which is a fair way to characterize the young woman who participated in the initial documentary). The doctor was playing very fast and loose with a very serious issue and its more than fair to point that out. The implication of this suggestion is that 17% of ALL women are fat because they've been abused. That also would represent nearly 80% of all women who have been sexually abused or assaulted. It may only be anecdotal evidence, but its so clearly unfounded that to pass it along to the press is frankly reckless.


 Again, she is not saying that 50% of fat women are that way because of sexual harrassment (abuse) resulting in overeating. She is saying that 50% of the women she interviewed gave that response. From the information we have, that number may have been 10, which means that 5 people responded that way. Trying to argue numbers on this response is pointless, and completely missing the potential validity of her response. There's no implication that all women are fat because of abuse. It's clear that she is saying that some are fat due to genetics, that some are fat due to overeating, but that there are underlying causes for it. In my experience, her statement is quite valid. That doesn't mean that all people will share my experience, but attempting to discredit her point simply because she doesn't offer clear numbers doesn't make it less true.


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## moonvine (Jan 9, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Actually 50% is a conservative estimate. According to my last therapist - his educated guess - is 80% of all fat women have been molested or abused in one way or another.
> 
> In case you ask - this therapist was a PHD with over 20 years of counseling under his belt and he specialized in childhood abuse issues.



I used to be a therapist and I completely disagree with this. I only have a Masters' degree, but I've never seen any studies that would support this.

It makes me feel sad, because my father is a good father and I would hate for anyone to look at me and decide he must have molested me because I'm fat. 

It also makes me feel sad because people would think there was a "reason" for me to be fat. It is my natural body shape. 

I think I need to reevaluate my posting on this board. Between the weight loss cheerleading in the "WLS Controversy" area and the suggestions that *eight* out of *ten* fat women are fat due to childhood molestation or abuse, it is getting to be a really toxic environment for me. I'm beginning to see more anti-fat rhetoric here than in the "real world."


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 9, 2007)

moonvine said:


> I used to be a therapist and I completely disagree with this. I only have a Masters' degree, but I've never seen any studies that would support this.



I never said there was a study to prove this. Reread my post.



> It makes me feel sad, because my father is a good father and I would hate for anyone to look at me and decide he must have molested me because I'm fat.



That's ludicrous. Being molested doesn't automatically mean daddy did it.  





> It also makes me feel sad because people would think there was a "reason" for me to be fat. It is my natural body shape.



But people do automatically think there is something wrong with you just because you're fat - isn't that just the way it is? It's what I assume - and I've been proven right over and over again.



> I think I need to reevaluate my posting on this board. Between the weight loss cheerleading in the "WLS Controversy" area and the suggestions that *eight* out of *ten* fat women are fat due to childhood molestation or abuse, it is getting to be a really toxic environment for me. I'm beginning to see more anti-fat rhetoric here than in the "real world."



I do think it's a shame that you cannot look at it as people sharing ideas and opinions. No one is cheer leading weight loss - but sometimes it helps to lose some weight. Cmon even you said if your health was compromised that you would -probably consider WLS.


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## JoyJoy (Jan 9, 2007)

How is this anti-fat? It's showing that there is a reason why some of us are fat..and not just because we're slovenly pigs who eat too much for no good reason. It shouldn't reflect on you, since it doesn't apply to you, and I honestly don't believe that it's going to make anyone look any differently at you personally than they would otherwise. If someone is going to look at you and call to mind a statistic such as this one, that is a reflection on their character, not yours or your fathers. You can't stop people thinking badly of you no matter what you do. 

The facts are that some people, regardless of numbers, and probably more than you realize, are fat because of some sort of trauma in their lives. If that doesn't apply to you, then hold your head up and move on and let people think what they will. Discussing that fact here is far from anti-fat. In fact, it might actually help someone to know that they aren't alone. If the discussion of the issue is enough to make you want to leave, I'm sorry for that, but I'll not apologize for discussing it openly.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 9, 2007)

YES!!!! Excellent post Joyful!!! :wubu: 




JoyJoy said:


> How is this anti-fat? It's showing that there is a reason why some of us are fat..and not just because we're slovenly pigs who eat too much for no good reason. It shouldn't reflect on you, since it doesn't apply to you, and I honestly don't believe that it's going to make anyone look any differently at you personally than they would otherwise. If someone is going to look at you and call to mind a statistic such as this one, that is a reflection on their character, not yours or your fathers. You can't stop people thinking badly of you no matter what you do.
> 
> The facts are that some people, regardless of numbers, and probably more than you realize, are fat because of some sort of trauma in their lives. If that doesn't apply to you, then hold your head up and move on and let people think what they will. Discussing that fact here is far from anti-fat. In fact, it might actually help someone to know that they aren't alone. If the discussion of the issue is enough to make you want to leave, I'm sorry for that, but I'll not apologize for discussing it openly.


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## LoveBHMS (Jan 9, 2007)

JoyJoy said:


> How is this anti-fat? It's showing that there is a reason why some of us are fat..and not just because we're slovenly pigs who eat too much for no good reason. It shouldn't reflect on you, since it doesn't apply to you, and I honestly don't believe that it's going to make anyone look any differently at you personally than they would otherwise. If someone is going to look at you and call to mind a statistic such as this one, that is a reflection on their character, not yours or your fathers. You can't stop people thinking badly of you no matter what you do.
> 
> The facts are that some people, regardless of numbers, and probably more than you realize, are fat because of some sort of trauma in their lives. If that doesn't apply to you, then hold your head up and move on and let people think what they will. Discussing that fact here is far from anti-fat. In fact, it might actually help someone to know that they aren't alone. If the discussion of the issue is enough to make you want to leave, I'm sorry for that, but I'll not apologize for discussing it openly.



I once had an employer who was quite overweight and freely admitted that she'd gained weight to avoid sexual issues in the workplace. That's a strictly anecdotal story about one woman, i didn't interview 100 fat female CEO's and upper level executives to ask them why they were fat.

We have a close family friend whose sister has Multiple Sclerosis. This causes her to limp. Now if you looked at her, you might think she limps because she was born with one leg shorter than the other or because she had a car accident when she was younger or because her shoe doesn't fit well. I can tell you if I see somebody limping I don't automatically think they have MS, to be honest, I don't count down the reasons they might be limping.

I also don't think just because somebody reads an anecdotal account by a physician about a particular interview sample frame, that they will think "If I see two fat women, one will have been molested."


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## JoyJoy (Jan 9, 2007)

In recent years I've become of the mind that if people want to look down on me for being fat, it's their issue. Yes, most people will look at me and the first thing they will see is that I'm fat. However, I seriously doubt that the majority of people I encounter will look at me and ponder the reasons why I'm fat...they'll just think, "Gee, she's fat. She's a fat woman." If they then choose to treat me badly because of that assessment, it's because they have an issue they're struggling with...they're letting MY fat bother them..they make the choice to make an issue of it. While I don't have to agree with them, or allow myself to be treated badly, I also have a choice to make their issue MY issue as well. There's a difference between standing up for yourself by not letting people treat you badly and taking issues that others have with you onto yourself. I realize that sometimes there is a fine line between the two, and I would never claim to always be successful, but learning how to make the disctinction is eternally valuable.


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## SandyBoston (Jan 9, 2007)

I got bored 10 minutes into the movie and fell asleep after 30 minutes. Now this is not typical for me so I guess it just really wasn't all that interesting or unusual. And I agree and wish they would use real fat women instead of fat suits.


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## DeniseW (Jan 9, 2007)

I wasn't going to say anything about the movie but I watched the whole thing and I feel I have to say something. Yes, I know there are a bunch of "stereotypes" in the movie but there is also a lot that rings true for me. My life in high school was a living hell every single day. I was spit on, pushed into walls, humilated and degraded by the so called jocks and popular people. As a result, I skipped school constantly and many mornings found me hiding in my closet while the truant officer banged on my door. I ended up in summer school, not because I was not smart, but because I was traumatized beyond belief. I so wish there had been a movie like this when I was in school to show these asses what they did to me. Who knows what I could have accomplished had they not done this to me? I'm not blaming them for my whole life because I'm doing ok now but I was so traumatized after high school, I didn't even dare think about going to college. I eventually took some classes but it wasn't the same. Did I have a secret stash of chocolate? You bet your ass I did. My mother and grandmother put me on every diet known to man and I had secret food that I could go to to comfort me from all I was dealing with. I had no safe place at all in my life. I know a lot of the movie was propeganda but a lot of it also wasn't, it's almost the story of my life except I wish I had it as good as Ramona did.


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## Tooz (Jan 9, 2007)

I found it ironic that the main character in this FILM got burned for MAKING A FILM on what it's like to be fat.

Sorry, that's a little off the current topic. I just had to say it, though.


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## saucywench (Jan 9, 2007)

SandyBoston said:


> I got bored 10 minutes into the movie and fell asleep after 30 minutes. Now this is not typical for me so I guess it just really wasn't all that interesting or unusual. And I agree and wish they would use real fat women instead of fat suits.


This difference in this instance being that the movie was based on a girl who wore a fat suit (albeit for only one day) in real life.


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## NFA (Jan 9, 2007)

saucywench said:


> This difference in this instance being that the movie was based on a girl who wore a fat suit (albeit for only one day) in real life.



Why is that even a story worth making a movie. You're making a fictional movie about the making of a documentary? Even if fiction, you need a thin person, pretending to be a thin person, pretending to be a fat person to get any empathy? To me, this tells me a lot about the lengths Hollywood will go to NOT tell the story of actual fat people.


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## UncannyBruceman (Jan 9, 2007)

Big D Guy said:


> I was disappointed just to see them promoting a movie portraying fat people as miserable and self hating. Maybe at the end instead of the weight watchers commercial, she can just say that she is glad that she is skinny, because being fat really sucked and if you want to be happy and to be loved, you should be skinny too.



This is precisely why I didn't watch it. Seeing the ad depicting a thin girl in a fat suit, looking depressed, doesn't exactly suggest size acceptance to me. It suggests a "don't let this be you" message that will scare young women into calling the 1-800 numbers on every diet ad that may have ran throughout the commercial breaks.

I didn't even bother watching it and I already can tell you that it brought size acceptance back a few steps.


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## saucywench (Jan 10, 2007)

NFA said:


> Why is that even a story worth making a movie. You're making a fictional movie about the making of a documentary? Even if fiction, you need a thin person, pretending to be a thin person, pretending to be a fat person to get any empathy? To me, this tells me a lot about the lengths Hollywood will go to NOT tell the story of actual fat people.


I didn't say a gd thing about the movie's worth. I made a simple, declarative statement.
View attachment 13690

Come down. Before you hurt yourself.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 10, 2007)

ROFLMAO!!!!!!! Saucy I love the picture!!!  



saucywench said:


> I didn't say a gd thing about the movie's worth. I made a simple, declarative statement.
> View attachment 13690
> 
> Come down. Before you hurt yourself.


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## NFA (Jan 10, 2007)

saucywench said:


> I didn't say a gd thing about the movie's worth. I made a simple, declarative statement.
> View attachment 13690
> 
> Come down. Before you hurt yourself.



Golly. And I couldn't possibly have been making an independant observation about the movie jumping off from that simple, declarative statement. I couldn't possibly have seen fit to pose a rhetorical question based on that statement. Nah. Couldn't be. Better pen a self-righteous put-down right away so you can start patting yourself on the back for your perceived superiority. No, I'm sure your hyper-judgementalism is right there. Couldn't possibly have been open discussion. Must have all been about you.


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## Mystic Rain (Jan 10, 2007)

While I've not seen the movie, I can gather from what it's about, and I can relate to it in some ways. Most of my life, I've been heavy. I was a very plump/heavy child, and in no way popular. I was picked on all the time, and I had very few friends, if any at all. Most of those "friends" were pity friends, but one or two would actually see the kind of person I really was, and they'd like me for me. It was rare, though.

I was different, and not just because I was fat either. I wore glasses since the fourth grade (and I got many "fat four eyes" comments), was shy and quiet, mainly keeping to myself, bookish as I loved to read, and a teacher's pet. That made me the perfect target for my peers. And because I had such low self-esteem, from them and my mother at home, I couldn't do anything to stand up for myself but to sit there and cry. Which would bring more derogative statements as "fat crybaby". And people wonder why I'm a bit of a recluse, and am hard to trust people to this day. 

I didn't have any secret stashes of candy or anything anywhere, but I sure as hell did stuff myself at meal times, and have a big snack in between to cope. I'm sure if I had had better self-esteem, I'd push back as hard as they pushed me, and I wouldn't have had nearly as many problems. Seeing as I didn't, I let their problems with me become mine when I shouldn't have.

I sit on the fence with the statement of the actress in question. It is one person's opinion faced with many more people's differing opinions. No one is going to come out the "winner". There's no need to push it onto the other, and there's certainly no need to be stooping to such elementary school methods of insults either.

Just my two cents.


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## Tooz (Jan 10, 2007)

Mystic Rain said:


> While I've not seen the movie, I can gather from what it's about, and I can relate to it in some ways. Most of my life, I've been heavy. I was a very plump/heavy child, and in no way popular. I was picked on all the time, and I had very few friends, if any at all. Most of those "friends" were pity friends, but one or two would actually see the kind of person I really was, and they'd like me for me. It was rare, though.
> 
> I was different, and not just because I was fat either. I wore glasses since the fourth grade (and I got many "fat four eyes" comments), was shy and quiet, mainly keeping to myself, bookish as I loved to read, and a teacher's pet. That made me the perfect target for my peers. And because I had such low self-esteem, from them and my mother at home, I couldn't do anything to stand up for myself but to sit there and cry. Which would bring more derogative statements as "fat crybaby". And people wonder why I'm a bit of a recluse, and am hard to trust people to this day.
> 
> ...




Sounds like my life growing up, except even the teachers hated the fact I was fatter than most of the kids. I would get made fun of so relentlessly that there were times I had to just walk out of school and walk home. I guess teachers agrees with words that were spewed at me. They never did anything. I had one teacher in 3rd grade who actually punished me because I didn't wear running shoes to school when I obviously needed to be working out daily.

This, of course, somehow changed in high school. I started to stand on my own two feet (instead of cowering in the group of ten or so "in girls" I somehow got accepted into) and did things my way. After I left high school, I decided to give it a second chance (haha, it only lasted a day), and while I was back, pretty much EVERYONE came up to me, hugged me and expressed their stoked-ness at my return.

It was incredibly strange to me.

I went from being assaulted, almost raped, and almost being thrown out of a private school because I didn't look like the rest of the student body to being some kind of high school hero. Okay, maybe not HERO, but mysteriously popular, at least. I was loud and unapologetic for who and what I was, and there was just no conquering me. I think people eventually gave up trying to pin me down with negative words and actions.

I think, on a more miniature level, the film tried to convey if you stand up for yourself as Ms. Fatsuit did, you will earn a spot in the good graces of many. I don't know if I think it's true, I may have just been a fluke.

I mean, I still ended up punching an arcade manager when he told me the reason I was sweating was probably because I was fat.


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## 1300 Class (Jan 11, 2007)

I can relate to some of the previous experiences, but over here, it is a very different world and the differences are such, that its almost incomparable. Anyway..


> I was loud and unapologetic for who and what I was, and there was just no conquering me. I think people eventually gave up trying to pin me down with negative words and actions.


Thats the only way to go (from my experience in similarish situation at high school), just have to knuckle under, and if neccessary as I did, be prepared to dish it out, as much as taking it. But like I said, its almost two different worlds.


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## crazygrad (Jan 12, 2007)

I don't know anyone who keeps candy bars in the glove box. Wouldn't they melt?

I too don't know if the stats are right, but I have heard from many different people (including PhD researchers, or people conducting diss. research) that there is a very high correlation between overweight and sexual trauma, whether from a parent, family friend, coach, former child care worker, whatever- in childhood, adolescence or young adulthood. Is 50% too high? I don't know. sadly not in my experience of talking about experiences with my friends.


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## SandyBoston (Jan 15, 2007)

No one I know who is fat has any traumatic issues in their past, they just love to eat. I watched the whole movie last night an was unimpressed--it was kind of boring and nothing new. I have been fat my whole life and never apologized or felt like a victim --ever. Maybe my attitude prevented me from being teased.


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## MoonGoddess (Jan 16, 2007)

JoyJoy said:


> Her statement hit home for me. I was abused as a child by my father, and I believe there are several others here on the board who were.


_
And I am one of them. Dad raped, beat and did some fair mental torturing to me from ages 2 through about 10. And yeah, I did end up in therapy for a few years during my adult years. But I am fat not because it keeps men at bay. I am fat because-

1. I come from a family where obesity is the norm on both sides. So the ol' genetic programming has something to say it would seem.

2. My system is seriously fucked up due to years of yo-yo dieting. And heavy duty chemo and radiation therapy (and the accompanying time being confined to bed). My weight seems to have leveled out to a degree, with most of the gain over the last few years occurring after said cancer fight, and most recently due to kidney issues.

3. I just am simply no longer into hiking, bike riding and the other strenuous work outs that I used to love. My current career path is very time consuming, and stressful. Leaving me not all that crazy about going out and working out.

Sure, my childhood still "haunts" me from time to time. But getting fat to keep people away? Hell no. I cannot speak for all, but that seems to be just another anti-fat myth.

And besides, there are a lot of guys who find me very attractive, and would love the chance to love on my chub!_


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## JoyJoy (Jan 16, 2007)

MoonGoddess said:


> _Sure, my childhood still "haunts" me from time to time. But getting fat to keep people away? Hell no. I cannot speak for all, but that seems to be just another anti-fat myth._


 It sounds like this was untrue for you and I applaud you for it, and for the journey you've gone through and the healing you've done. I admire your strength. However, to call this a "myth" is an injustice to those it IS true for. I don't really think you meant it that way, though. Perhaps just a poor choice of words?

I didn't sit down one day and say "Self, you know what would make you feel better? Why don't you eat a lot of food and get really fat so that all the people who might hurt you won't like the way you look and will stay away?" How self-destructive! Regardless, that was what happened subconsciously over many years of struggling to accept myself and learning how to heal. Food (and the resulting fat) was my buffer zone and my comfort and it was part of what kept people at bay. I have healed, and thankfully I know that I don't have to hide behind fat, but can be proud of the way I look and who I am. But I won't sit back and let anyone try to tell me that the way things happened to me weren't legitimate. Please remember that just because something didn't happen to you or anyone you've ever known or heard of doesn't mean that it didn't happen to someone else.


I also have to add here, for those who get high on numbers...let go of the 50% idea. In order to give that statistic any validity, we would have to know a starting point...50% of what?...and that's something we just don't have, so arguing about it is pointless.  Just know there are a lot of us weirdos out here.


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## moonvine (Jan 16, 2007)

JoyJoy said:


> It sounds like this was untrue for you and I applaud you for it, and for the journey you've gone through and the healing you've done. I admire your strength. However, to call this a "myth" is an injustice to those it IS true for. I don't really think you meant it that way, though. Perhaps just a poor choice of words?




I personally would not call it a myth, but rather a stereotype. I believe most stereotypes have a grain of truth in them, but I feel stereotyping people is offensive, even if the stereotypes are "good" stereotypes (such as all Asian people being smart).


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## JoyJoy (Jan 16, 2007)

moonvine said:


> I personally would not call it a myth, but rather a stereotype. I believe most stereotypes have a grain of truth in them, but I feel stereotyping people is offensive, even if the stereotypes are "good" stereotypes (such as all Asian people being smart).


"sterotype: an oversimplified standardized image or idea held by one person or group of another" from Encarta Dictionary. 

I think the reason I take a knee-jerk offense at it being labeled as a stereotype is because it's far from simple to me personally, and because, as I said in my previous post regarding this issue, I think anyone who would read a fact such as this one in an article online and use it to measure up a large (no pun) group of people is the one with the problem...that being a very small mind. On the flip side, I can understand why you would balk at the thought of it being applied to you, since you've made it very clear that it doesn't. However...I stand by what I said before. People might one day read that fat is caused by cannibalism and label me as such. I can't stop them from thinking that and I won't try...I'll just live in a manner that gives them no merit.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 16, 2007)

Then call me a stereotype and a myth because that is exactly why I ate as a child - to keep men away. 






moonvine said:


> I personally would not call it a myth, but rather a stereotype. I believe most stereotypes have a grain of truth in them, but I feel stereotyping people is offensive, even if the stereotypes are "good" stereotypes (such as all Asian people being smart).


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## MoonGoddess (Jan 16, 2007)

It sounds like this was untrue for you and I applaud you for it, and for the journey you've gone through and the healing you've done. I admire your strength. However, to call this a "myth" is an injustice to those it IS true for. I don't really think you meant it that way, though. Perhaps just a poor choice of words?

_Yes, it was a very poor choice of words on my part. And please, heart-felt apologies to anyone that I offended. That was not my intent at all._


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## SandyBoston (Jan 17, 2007)

This whole thread is absolutely fascinating. Thank you all for sharing your stories. And I'm sorry for those of you who had abuse issues. This thread has opened my eyes on a lot of different ideas. I think the bottom line is that we are all different, all from different places, all have different mental attitudes, all have differing stories, and there is no one, single answer to why we (or anyone else) are fat.

I'm going to eat pizza now.


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## onefunbbw (Jan 19, 2007)

Actually, she said that 50% were sexually harassed not sexually abused. 

After being sexually abused, many people don't want to have anything to do with the opposite sex. We just want to hide. We might pull away to protect our "secret". Food gives us comfort. It won't judge us or be mean to us or hurt us. We've already been hurt so much; then we put on weight; then our family, friends and society make us feel even worse. It pulls us down even deeper. We become afraid of what people might say or how we might be hurt. 

Then one day maybe many years later something happens. We go to a BBW party. We make a friend online. We meet someone who doesn't hurt us. We find out that there are members of the opposite sex who find us attractive. We brave this new world, the BBW world, and it makes us stronger. We grow. We still have to deal with society, but we start seeing that not everyone in society is against us. This is how many of us are here today.


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