# FA's that would like to find a wife...



## Dolce (Oct 25, 2010)

Do they exist? 

I am in my mid-twenties and would like to eventually meet the right man to start a life and family with. Not looking to rush anything as I am a cautious and realistic woman but I am definitely not looking "for fun". I have a stable job in a stable profession, do not do drugs, smoke, or take any medications, have no baggage or debt, and know how to treat a man with care and respect. I am not a doormat but I appreciate a man who is a leader. Not that I have no problems or communicate perfectly with the male species but I would like to think that I am a good catch for a FA. 

I realize it is difficult enough to find a partner without having a "fetish" or "preference" but as we all know, good luck changing that.

I would love to hear your stories. Have any of you met someone worthwhile online and if so, how long did you look before you found him or her?


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## Zoom (Oct 26, 2010)

Those of us FAs who would like to find a wife, like to think we exist.

My horror stories are legion though. It may be difficult to find a partner with or without having a preference, but imagine how much worse it must be for those of us who have come unhinged out of desperation because all local SSBBWs are taken.

Let's see, I'm 39 so it's been about 21 years since I've been vaguely stable.

Anyway, never mind me. I wish you great success as you have described yourself as having many great qualities that I respect. It's just too bad that in a world full of people "looking for fun", those who are not get shunted to the side as though they don't count.


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## Dolce (Oct 26, 2010)

Thank you, unhinged man, for answering my question. Though the silence does speak volumes. I do think somehow I am just on the wrong website.


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## Dromond (Oct 26, 2010)

Dimensions is not really meant to be a dating site. It is a community of fat people looking for a safe place to be fat and talk about fat issues. Relationships can happen here, and they do, but that isn't the site's purpose.

I don't have a reply to the opening post, because I've already found my wife.

Edited to add: It's not just a community for fat people, it is also for admirers of fat people.


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## davidburton (Oct 27, 2010)

I actually met my girlfriend on this website. She saw one of my posts and messaged me and we really hit it off. We chatted everyday for a few weeks and decided we wanted to meet in person, but the big problem was we lived over two hours away from each other. We ended up splitting the driving and meeting at a restaurant located between us, and it went really well. 

By some weird chance of luck, my dad got a new job about a half hour away from where she lives(we're both in college) and I got to spend the whole summer and then some with her. We've been dating for almost six months now and I can see it continuing for much longer. I could even see myself marrying her someday.

I had been a member of this site for over two years(which isn't that long in retrospect) before I was able to meet someone worth my time. So although this isn't exactly a dating site, just be outgoing, don't get desperate, don't start doubting whether or not you are a "catch", and you might just meet someone worth keeping in your life.


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## Dolce (Oct 27, 2010)

davidburton said:


> I actually met my girlfriend on this website. She saw one of my posts and messaged me and we really hit it off. We chatted everyday for a few weeks and decided we wanted to meet in person, but the big problem was we lived over two hours away from each other. We ended up splitting the driving and meeting at a restaurant located between us, and it went really well.
> 
> By some weird chance of luck, my dad got a new job about a half hour away from where she lives(we're both in college) and I got to spend the whole summer and then some with her. We've been dating for almost six months now and I can see it continuing for much longer. I could even see myself marrying her someday.
> 
> I had been a member of this site for over two years(which isn't that long in retrospect) before I was able to meet someone worth my time. So although this isn't exactly a dating site, just be outgoing, don't get desperate, don't start doubting whether or not you are a "catch", and you might just meet someone worth keeping in your life.




Thank you for your story, David  I met someone on this site a few back who saw a post of mine and contacted me and we hit it off something great. So I know it does happen. Obviously this is not a dating site but I would guess most single people would like to find someone someday and I definitely appreciate FA affection more than any other. I didn't mean to complain.. I just would love to hear success stories from those that did find love in the online world. I guess this is the first time in my life where I feel ready for something real.


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## Anh2010 (Oct 28, 2010)

I'm sure most people do look for that special someone.

Personally speaking, there are other more important characteristics that take priority. Issues like personality, sense of humor, compatibility, attraction, passion, etc. are keystones in any relationship. 

Speaking for myself, I'm attracted to larger women but not just any larger woman. Ideally, it's a special person to connect with first and foremost. A large woman who is comfortable with her body would be heaven to most FAs, it goes without saying.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 28, 2010)

It might be helpful to remember that not every single person is looking for a partner, either. Many are, but just as many are not, and quite happy to be single. Partnering up is not manifest destiny, as much as we're taught to view it that way.


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## indy500tchr (Oct 28, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> It might be helpful to remember that not every single person is looking for a partner, either. Many are, but just as many are not, and quite happy to be single. Partnering up is not manifest destiny, as much as we're taught to view it that way.



But this OP IS asking about a partner. Can you not leave the people who actually want a husband or wife alone? 

WE GET IT YOU WANT TO BE SINGLE AND CHILDLESS! You don't have to keep reminding the community.


To answer the OP. I am still wondering the same thing. It seems that men in general (FA's and non-FA's) can't seem to want to commit to anyone these days. All of my single friends are having the same problem. I guess guys keep holding out for what they see as "the next best thing".


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 28, 2010)

indy500tchr said:


> But this OP IS asking about a partner. Can you not leave the people who actually want a husband or wife alone?
> 
> WE GET IT YOU WANT TO BE SINGLE AND CHILDLESS! You don't have to keep reminding the community.



Actually, I don't want to be single. I'd like to find a partner, too. But since this is a _forum_, a word that means a place for discussion and debate, it's sometimes valuable to consider that there are other points of view and _discuss_ it. Dolce made the point that "most single people would like to find someone someday," and I know many single people who are quite happy _not_ to be partnered. There are many of us out there for whom finding a partner isn't the be-all/end-all of our existence and I think it's valuable to acknowledge and remember that.


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## Carrie (Oct 28, 2010)

Dolce said:


> Thank you for your story, David  I met someone on this site a few back who saw a post of mine and contacted me and we hit it off something great. So I know it does happen. Obviously this is not a dating site but I would guess most single people would like to find someone someday and I definitely appreciate FA affection more than any other. I didn't mean to complain.. I just would love to hear success stories from those that did find love in the online world. I guess this is the first time in my life where I feel ready for something real.


I love hearing those stories, too.  

p.s. Just in case you haven't seen it, there's a "how did you meet your significant other?" thread here - not online specific (though many of them are), but still full of happy stories! :happy:


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## bigmac (Oct 28, 2010)

Carrie said:


> I love hearing those stories, too.
> 
> p.s. Just in case you haven't seen it, there's a "how did you meet your significant other?" thread here - not online specific (though many of them are), but still full of happy stories! :happy:



This site does have an under utilized personal add section. Indeed that's were I met my wife a couple of years ago.


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## Inhibited (Oct 28, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Actually, I don't want to be single. I'd like to find a partner, too. *But since this is a forum, a word that means a place for discussion and debate,* it's sometimes valuable to consider that there are other points of view and _discuss_ it. Dolce made the point that "most single people would like to find someone someday," and I know many single people who are quite happy _not_ to be partnered. There are many of us out there for whom finding a partner isn't the be-all/end-all of our existence and I think it's valuable to acknowledge and remember that.



There is no reason for a debate in this thread the question is clear and simple.... *I would love to hear your stories. Have any of you met someone worthwhile online and if so, how long did you look before you found him or her..
*


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## littlefairywren (Oct 28, 2010)

I love these stories! There is enough negativity in our day to day lives, so they are a wee reprieve :happy:


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 28, 2010)

Inhibited said:


> There is no reason for a debate in this thread the question is clear and simple.... *I would love to hear your stories. Have any of you met someone worthwhile online and if so, how long did you look before you found him or her..*


 
Considering that the OP has been openly judgmental******Moderated******, I felt her thread could handle a bit of healthy debate.


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## Dolce (Oct 28, 2010)

Anh2010 said:


> Personally speaking, there are other more important characteristics that take priority. Issues like personality, sense of humor, compatibility, attraction, passion, etc. are keystones in any relationship.
> 
> Speaking for myself, I'm attracted to larger women but not just any larger woman. Ideally, it's a special person to connect with first and foremost. A large woman who is comfortable with her body would be heaven to most FAs, it goes without saying.



I'm with you 100%. It has to be the _right_ person. I'm just wondering if some FA's have ever gotten to or are at that point where they want to find a partner and actually pursue a serious relationship. Not out of desperation or neediness but because they are mature and desire the closeness and intimacy of a marriage and family with a comfortable woman who can carry her own weight in life. And just to clarify, I do hope to find an FA because weight gain is very much a part of me and while I do not desire to gain huge amounts of weight in real life I would love to be with a man who understands that part of me and is able to satisfy it. 



thirtiesgirl said:


> It might be helpful to remember that not every single person is looking for a partner, either. Many are, but just as many are not, and quite happy to be single. Partnering up is not manifest destiny, as much as we're taught to view it that way.



I agree with you TG... and to tell the truth I would rather be alone my whole life than carry on a serious relationship, marriage, or whatever with someone who does not treat me with the care, love, and respect I will show to him. So I do understand what you are expressing and I think you are right. Still, It is something I think about often as I enjoy partnerships and friendships of all kinds. The one I hope to have with my soul mate I expect to be the ultimate. Still, one cannot live in fantasy land. To quote C.S. Lewis, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken." I am eternally cautiously optimistic. People are fragile and messy... that is the beauty of love... It's more like poetry and less like arithmetic. 



indy500tchr said:


> But this OP IS asking about a partner. Can you not leave the people who actually want a husband or wife alone?
> 
> WE GET IT YOU WANT TO BE SINGLE AND CHILDLESS! You don't have to keep reminding the community.
> 
> ...



First off all you had me cracking up! No offense TG, but you really made my day with that big, huge laugh-out-loud!

Okay, on to the next... yes! This is the general consensus! Little do they know... we are the "best thing" :batting: I could talk more about this but I'll save the girl talk for behind the scenes discussions 



Carrie said:


> I love hearing those stories, too.
> 
> p.s. Just in case you haven't seen it, there's a "how did you meet your significant other?" thread here - not online specific (though many of them are), but still full of happy stories! :happy:




Carrie, 

Thank you! I had not seen that thread.. I did see the couples thread and that is too lovely for words. I look forward to the day the day that I will get to post my own pics and story. 




bigmac said:


> This site does have an under utilized personal add section. Indeed that's were I met my wife a couple of years ago.



I so wish the matching system could be updated and a link provided from the forums. That way I could chat up all the sexy guys checking out the paysite board hehe j/k ... kinda  I already get enough "how big is you wanna get? messages as it is" from our resident troglodytes. And might I say BigMac... you do have a lovely wife


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## Dolce (Oct 28, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Considering that the OP has been openly judgmental *******Moderated*****, I felt her thread could handle a bit of healthy debate.


 
LOL!!! To be fair you had been following me around for quite some time posting disparaging comments about me. Why I don't know... you don't even know me! I was waiting for an opportune time to give you a taste of your own medicine. The thing is I keep mine in a very concentrated formula because I don't use it much and have little room to carry it with me on this road. You obviously have a very dilute gallon size jug and have a habit of splashing it around everywhere you go.

And to edit... I am sorry for what I said. It was mean and I really felt ashamed of myself for treating you that way. I hope you can forgive me as I think Dims would be a horribly boring place without you. Because there is no one in this world like you.


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## thirtiesgirl (Oct 28, 2010)

Dolce said:


> LOL!!! To be fair you had been following me around for quite some time posting disparaging comments about me. Why I don't know... you don't even know me! I was waiting for an opportune time to give you a taste of your own medicine. The thing is I keep mine in a very concentrated formula because I don't use it much and have little room to carry it with me on this road. You obviously have a very dilute gallon size jug and have a habit of splashing it around everywhere you go.



I honestly have no idea what you're talking about here. You haven't been on the boards long enough to be 'followed around' by anyone. Do you have examples of my supposed following behavior that you can share so I know what you're talking about?



Dolce said:


> And to edit... I am sorry for what I said. It was mean and I really felt ashamed of myself for treating you that way. I hope you can forgive me as I think Dims would be a horribly boring place without you. Because there is no one in this world like you.



Thanks for apologizing, and you're forgiven. I don't hold grudges, but I do remember wrong behavior. Which is now forgotten with your apology, which I assume is sincere.


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## paintsplotch (Oct 28, 2010)

GROUP HUG!!! GROUP HUG!!!! I REPEAT...... GROUP HUGGGG!!!!!:smitten: :kiss2: :smitten: :kiss2: :smitten: :kiss2:


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## paintsplotch (Oct 28, 2010)

BTW.... not for nothing.... but i am hopeful to meet someone someday. i think i am worth it.... and hopefully someday some dude will too!
ahh... ...off to dream of man candy love... :wubu:


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## Dolce (Oct 28, 2010)

paintsplotch said:


> GROUP HUG!!! GROUP HUG!!!! I REPEAT...... GROUP HUGGGG!!!!!:smitten: :kiss2: :smitten: :kiss2: :smitten: :kiss2:





thirtiesgirl said:


> Thanks for apologizing, and you're forgiven. I don't hold grudges, but I do remember wrong behavior. Which is now forgotten with your apology, which I assume is sincere.



AWWWWWW! :wubu::wubu: This is why I love Dims! And yes, it is sincere, God forbid we should hold onto resentment! I know you have a big heart, TG... no one is perfect and I would hate for anyone to hold me to an impossible standard so thank you for your forgiveness  I just LOVE This place!


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## Dolce (Oct 28, 2010)

paintsplotch said:


> BTW.... not for nothing.... but i am hopeful to meet someone someday. i think i am worth it.... and hopefully someday some dude will too!
> ahh... ...off to dream of man candy love... :wubu:



Yum men and candy and love. I'm with you! Off to bed :smitten:


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## Inhibited (Oct 29, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Considering that the OP has been openly judgmental******moderated*******, I felt her thread could handle a bit of healthy debate.


 
I must of missed that post in *this thread*..


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## CastingPearls (Oct 29, 2010)

Getting back to the subject....

I had broken up with someone who was totally wrong for me. He was a closeted FA (I didn't know he was either until I dumped him) and my best friend suggested we go out clubbing. My sister also joined us and I have to say we had a blast and I met a lot of great guys but no one who I would actually consider 'future-worthy' so when I told her that while clubbing was fun with girlfriends, finding a guy in one wasn't for me and she suggested I try a personal ad. To be perfectly honest, at the time I thought personal ads were for desperate losers. But she assured me that she had met a lot of great guys through them and I had met some-she was right! I told her I would give it some thought and she told me that the organizer of the plus-size club circuit that we were having fun at also had a magazine/newsletter and a website. My friend knew her personally and then double-dog-dared me to give it a shot. 

For 90 days I got a free combo, internet ad, magazine ad and voice-mail box with a personal pin-code. I opted NOT to include a pic. This was all new and strange to me. My friend would call from time to time and ask me if I checked my messages and I told her I didn't have the time but I was really putting it off. She threatened to contact the organizer and get my pin-code and start organizing dates and she was right...I was being ridiculous so I checked and to my delight had many responses.

The first one left every number imaginable on my voice-mail and kept reiterating that he was a nice guy. I liked his first name. I liked the others too but he stood out. He even gave me a website where I could see his pic. I walked around with his info and phone number in my pocket for two weeks. One day I was home alone and I was cold and hungry and stirring macaroni and cheese at the oven and I decided to finally call him. My hands shook as I pressed the keys. It rang and rang and I told myself that if he didn't answer by the next ring I would hang up. Well, he didn't and I went to put the phone down on the cradle when I heard WAIT WAIT I JUST GOT IN FROM WORK! I'M HERE! I'M HERE...and I lifted up the phone and between his breathing heavy from running in the house LOL we got to know each other a bit. Our first phone call was four hours long. The second, six hours. We talked everyday for a week and he had announced he was going on vacation to Florida to see a relative and would like to meet me before he left.

I was taken off guard as I hadn't even planned to do a personal ad, then here I was talking for hours on the phone to some guy I never met and now he wanted to meet me and it was wonderful but scary in a good way. He lived a good two hours drive away but to make me feel better, insisted he drive to my town and take me to my favorite restaurant. We liked each other at first site. I was disappointed that he didn't kiss me on the first date (talk about foreshadowing) but he really was a nice guy and we got very close very fast. We got married in May of '02 and are married 10 years.

This story doesn't have a happy ending though. We're breaking up. But I can't honestly say it had anything to do with personal ads or internet dating. What went wrong between us could happen to any couple no matter how they met. He still is a relatively nice person. We're just not right for each other. I lost a lot of weight from illness, and my mother and my sister died and I changed a lot. One of the things that I realized was that I had been settling for A LOT less than anyone deserved and if I wanted to be happy we had to end it. Also, if I was miserable, how in the world could HE be happy either?

I came to Dims confused and lonely but definitely not looking for a replacement for him. For the past year, I tried counseling with and without him and wanted more friends who liked me for me. I was so distraught that when I came here I said a lot of indiscreet things that I'm not very proud of. I was accused of things that weren't true and lashed out at times. 

I decided until my own emotional baggage was addressed that it would be the best idea to NOT inflict myself on some poor unsuspecting guy. I did (and do) flirt for fun but that was about it. My male friends here all know it's friendship only.

Imagine my surprise that I actually did meet someone here accidentally. I can't talk about him out of respect for his privacy although in my typical effusive manner I've said enough for some to figure out. I hope they respect his privacy too.

I can't imagine right now remarrying. The push and anxiety that I felt to do that ten years ago...the need for next next next is entirely absent as is the kind of ownership it now implies to me. I don't discount marriage at all..I just am not in any hurry for myself and besides...both of us have a lot of legal stuff to take care of regarding our exes and would like to do so as decently as possible although I have my off days and lash out particularly when something boneheaded practically begs for it.

So can you find love online or in a personal ad? Oh yes, YES...I did. Twice. But it's no different from finding love anywhere else at least in my experience. You still have to decide what you want and don't want and communicate and be true to yourself. If you do, I think you can find success anywhere.


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## Inhibited (Oct 29, 2010)

I really enjoyed reading your post, thanks for sharing it with us...


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## Dolce (Oct 29, 2010)

Miss Pearls,

It's difficult to rep you when I always have to spread it around. Thank you for sharing. I definitely feel you on the "doh" moments where you think you have misrepresented yourself. Thankfully, people worth knowing are always willing to let others redeem themselves. I really appreciate your honest response. It was very touching.


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## Donna (Oct 29, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> *snipped for brevity*I decided until my own emotional baggage was addressed that it would be the best idea to NOT inflict myself on some poor unsuspecting guy. I did (and do) flirt for fun but that was about it. My male friends here all know it's friendship only.
> 
> Imagine my surprise that I actually did meet someone here accidentally. I can't talk about him out of respect for his privacy although in my typical effusive manner I've said enough for some to figure out. I hope they respect his privacy too.
> 
> ...



I said the exact same thing I bolded above back in the summer of 2004 when I left my first husband. I moved out in August, met my current husband in November 2004 (at a party for an online BBW group) and we were engaged before the New Year. We married the following September.


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## LalaCity (Oct 29, 2010)

Damn, I hate it when I get to a thread late.


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## JoyJoy (Oct 29, 2010)

Elaine, what a great post...thank you for sharing. 

Dolce, it can be disheartening to want something so bad and feel like it's never going to happen. The best thing you can do is just continue being yourself and reach out to others. I know that you have seen it happen for others, and there's no reason it can't happen for you, as well. You're young and beautiful and a very kind person and the right guy will see all of that. However..it's also so important that you learn that being alone is okay, too. It gets lonely sometimes, yes...but learning how to be happy just with yourself will make you the best person you can be in a relationship. 

I met my current bf online, too...not on dim. I had gotten to a point where I was focusing on living life alone and had gotten mostly okay with it. I still flirted with guys and made new friends, but nothing that rang my bell, and I was loving being my own person, responsible for no one else. This guy was just another friend...until we met in person. From the moment our eyes met, it was electric. Granted, our online relationship didn't last long before we took it real, but I'm so glad one of us did take the leap and pursue it. 

I truly hope things work out for you, Dolce!



************moderator edi.


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## littlefairywren (Oct 29, 2010)

JoyJoy said:


> Elaine, what a great post...thank you for sharing.
> 
> Dolce, it can be disheartening to want something so bad and feel like it's never going to happen. The best thing you can do is just continue being yourself and reach out to others. I know that you have seen it happen for others, and there's no reason it can't happen for you, as well. You're young and beautiful and a very kind person and the right guy will see all of that. However..it's also so important that you learn that being alone is okay, too. It gets lonely sometimes, yes...but learning how to be happy just with yourself will make you the best person you can be in a relationship.
> 
> ...


 
I love your story, JoyJoy! I want to rep you so bad for the last line too, but I can't. LOL, well done


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## Dromond (Oct 30, 2010)

I repped Joy for you, LFW.


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## littlefairywren (Oct 30, 2010)

Dromond said:


> I repped Joy for you, LFW.



Thanks for that, Dro. I owe you one


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## Aurora (Oct 30, 2010)

It happens. 

I met my boyfriend (fiance though it's not yet "official" lol) online. We live half way across the US from each other, and he made the first move to fly to my home town to meet me. For almost two years we traveled back and forth a couple times and kept in touch via phone and Internet. Then I moved in with him for two years while attending college. It wasn't working out for me there though (living in his parent's house) so I moved back home, and I'm looking forward to the day when he finishes school and can move up here with me. Though next I'll see him is Thanksgiving. 

So I guess there isn't a final happy ending yet, but we're getting there and making things work the best we can. It's not always easy. But it can work. 

Keep your eyes open. Chances are someone will pop up when you least expect it.


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## collared Princess (Oct 30, 2010)

I'm waiting on a FA to ride in on his white horse and rescue me as well


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## indy500tchr (Oct 30, 2010)

collared Princess said:


> I'm waiting on a FA to ride in on his white horse and rescue me as well



If we were all wanting that we would all be waiting the rest of our lives...lol


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## CastingPearls (Oct 31, 2010)

collared Princess said:


> I'm waiting on a FA to ride in on his white horse and rescue me as well


Mine is riding a supermarket horse and he's out of quarters.


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## CarlaSixx (Oct 31, 2010)

I'm in the boat of wanting something so bad and yet feeling like it's never going to happen to me. It's really annoying, though, when older people go "You're so young. Live your life first, and then you'll have the right to bitch and moan about single life." Well... I've lived through much more than most adults ever will. So even if I'm young, I'd say I've had my fair share of living and am ready for something more. But will it happen? Hmm... I don't feel like it ever will. Luck has never been something that was on my side.


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## Dolce (Oct 31, 2010)

CarlaSixx said:


> I'm in the boat of wanting something so bad and yet feeling like it's never going to happen to me. It's really annoying, though, when older people go "You're so young. Live your life first, and then you'll have the right to bitch and moan about single life." Well... I've lived through much more than most adults ever will. So even if I'm young, I'd say I've had my fair share of living and am ready for something more. But will it happen? Hmm... I don't feel like it ever will. Luck has never been something that was on my side.




CarlaSixx, 

I definitely understand how you feel. Something I did many years ago was make a list of all the _qualities_ I admired in a man and began to cultivate them in myself. For example: stability, emotional maturity, ambition, kindness, courageousness, and modesty to name a few. I realized the kind of man I wanted in my life did not want a woman sitting on her butt waiting for him to save her because he might need a little saving himself from time to time. 

Tell me if I am wrong but you seem to have grown and changed even in the few months I have been here. Sometimes it is hard to see your own potential and worth but, trust, others do see it. Become the best CarlaSixx you can be and I can assure you that you will begin to attract the caliber of man you truly deserve. 

To JoyJoy, I appreciate your advice and intend to take it. I would wait forever for my missing puzzle piece.


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