# Things a fat guy would like to be able to say



## Tad (Sep 1, 2009)

Im stealing this thread idea from the BBW board. The idea is if the world was the way that you liked, you might get to say these things.

Ill start: 

I love the fit on these shorts, they actually sit at my waist instead of my rib-cage.

What a great selection of biking clothes, look--it goes to much bigger than my size!

A sports league just for bigger guys, so that we can compete? Yah Id love to join!


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## Paquito (Sep 1, 2009)

"Size 44 pants that don't have nine inches of fabric hanging from my feet? I'll buy 5 pairs!"

"Wow, these shorts are roomy enough for me to actually use the pockets without crushing my cell phone."

"Take my shirt off at the beach? Of course!"

"American Eagle {or any other name brand} has such a great selection of clothes in my size, without looking like tents."


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## imfree (Sep 1, 2009)

I can start work Monday. (I searched for work for years
before I was finally able to go on disability!)


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## djudex (Sep 1, 2009)

Holy crap it's my feet!!


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## fat hiker (Sep 1, 2009)

It's so easy to get in and out of my new Miata, and there's so much room in there....

My folding camp chair? Oh, I just picked it up at Wal-mart, they have them to suit my size...

Beach volleyball? Sure, I'm up for it...especially since the other guys are all my size!

You don't stock this shirt in any sizes below 3XL? That's great, one for us!


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## WillSpark (Sep 1, 2009)

"What's that doc? It comes as no shock that a fat guy with healthy diet and/or excersize is healthy? Well of course!"


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## rabbitislove (Sep 2, 2009)

I have a hot date with Rabbit tonight!

Hahahah...er...I mean...er....


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## skinny_fatman (Sep 2, 2009)

"The name is Bond, James Bond"


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## djudex (Sep 2, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> I have a hot date with Rabbit tonight!
> 
> Hahahah...er...I mean...er....



You're right, that is something most of us would like to be able to say  You're good at this game!


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## fat hiker (Sep 2, 2009)

skinny_fatman said:


> "The name is Bond, James Bond"



Absolutely!!


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## BigChaz (Sep 2, 2009)

I have a hot date tonight with a rabbit!


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## Ninja Glutton (Sep 2, 2009)

Wait, why are you not able to say you're going to take your shirt off at the beach?

I hate when people keep their shirt on. Being shirtless is part of the experience.


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## Paquito (Sep 2, 2009)

Ninja Glutton said:


> Wait, why are you not able to say you're going to take your shirt off at the beach?
> 
> I hate when people keep their shirt on. Being shirtless is part of the experience.



I take my shirt off at the beach. I just know that there are alot of guys (and girls) who cover up because of insecurity.


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## Carl1h (Sep 3, 2009)

Ninja Glutton said:


> Wait, why are you not able to say you're going to take your shirt off at the beach?
> 
> I hate when people keep their shirt on. Being shirtless is part of the experience.



When I was a kid my mom used to make me and my brother wear t-shirts swimming. It wasn't because we were chubby (I was, my brother wasn't) it was to keep us from sunburning. It was a habit that stuck with me a long time and didn't have anything to do with being fat. Nowadays I guess there are a lot of good sunscreens, but I reckon she saved me from a lot of sunburns back then.


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## Cors (Sep 3, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> I have a hot date with Rabbit tonight!
> 
> Hahahah...er...I mean...er....



Mmmm yes, and not the buzzing kind!


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## SanDiega (Sep 3, 2009)

Where I come from, wearing a shirt at the beach, no matter your size, is broadcasting I AM A TOURIST! Fat local men always go topless.


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## fat hiker (Sep 3, 2009)

SanDiega said:


> Where I come from, wearing a shirt at the beach, no matter your size, is broadcasting I AM A TOURIST! Fat local men always go topless.



Wow, that sounds great!

In the spirit of this column, here's some more contributions:

"Offensive line? No, I'm a running back...."

"This suit? Yeah, I love it too, it's a Canaletti, straight from the runways in Milan..."


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## Tad (Sep 3, 2009)

"I love that these pants sit comfortably when I'm sitting, but don't fall down when I stand up, even without having to adjust my belt!"


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## xxeell (Sep 3, 2009)

> "Offensive line? No, I'm a running back...."



I agree!

"What's that I can ride any ride in this theme park? "


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## Lavasse (Sep 3, 2009)

You're all you can eat smorgasboard is only 2.99?

These damn porn stars won't stop hitting on me.

You want me to pair with Brad Pitt in your new action movie and I get top billing?


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## imfree (Sep 4, 2009)

Tad said:


> "I love that these pants sit comfortably when I'm sitting, but don't fall down when I stand up, even without having to adjust my belt!"



Aaaah, yes, Tad, I remember my pre-suspenders days well!


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Sep 5, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> I have a hot date with Rabbit tonight!
> 
> Hahahah...er...I mean...er....



 You are a mind reader!


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## kilo riley (Sep 6, 2009)

"yes i'd like fries with that"

"sir this is a hardware store"


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## desertcheeseman (Sep 6, 2009)

SanDiega said:


> Where I come from, wearing a shirt at the beach, no matter your size, is broadcasting I AM A TOURIST! Fat local men always go topless.



I knew I was doing something wrong going to the beach with a garish Hawaiian shirt, floppy straw hat and a expensive camera hanging from my neck. No wonder the babes don't give me a second look.


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## fat hiker (Sep 10, 2009)

desertcheeseman said:


> I knew I was doing something wrong going to the beach with a garish Hawaiian shirt, floppy straw hat and a expensive camera hanging from my neck. No wonder the babes don't give me a second look.




Yeah, save the Hawaiian shirt for the restaurants, but the hat and camera are okay on the beach...

And, since I was on a university campus earlier this week, a contribution for the main column here....

"My new roomies are ALL my size...."

"The dorms come with queen-sized beds!"

"Yeah, the freshman 50 is pretty standard around here..."


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## Melian (Sep 10, 2009)

fat hiker said:


> "Yeah, the freshman 50 is pretty standard around here..."



Oh god, I wish....


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## Esther (Sep 10, 2009)

Melian said:


> Oh god, I wish....



Hahaha, same. Most of te people I know lost weight in their first year of University because we were all too damn poor to eat!! The only guys around were famished twigs


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## BigChaz (Sep 10, 2009)

Esther said:


> Hahaha, same. Most of te people I know lost weight in their first year of University because we were all too damn poor to eat!! The only guys around were famished twigs



My first year of college I got a job as a cook so I could get free meals. I ended up putting on over 30lbs my freshman year.

Moral of the story: Work as a cook your freshmen year!


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## rabbitislove (Sep 10, 2009)

Dude I want a queen.
My twin xl is like sleeping on a brick


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## Tad (Sep 11, 2009)

Esther said:


> Hahaha, same. Most of te people I know lost weight in their first year of University because we were all too damn poor to eat!! The only guys around were famished twigs



My university residence had an honest to goodness open meal plan....well you only got one of the main course, but as much buns, salads, fruit, desserts, milk, juice, soda (breakfast cereal in the morning) and so forth as you wanted. I put on ten pounds before Canadian Thanksgiving! Then I learned to watch what I was eating more (having never heard of an FFA at the time). None of the other guys around me gained much weight. Quite a number of the young women did, however. I think that a lot of guys at that age have a metabolism that can withstand anything.

But related to all you can eat, and back on topic "OK, I'll take thirds, since all you ladies seem to want me to"


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Sep 11, 2009)

I'd like to be able to say:

"Yes, a booth is FINE!!! I LOVE booths!!!"

and

"I have a hot Rabbit with a date tonight!"


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## fat hiker (Sep 11, 2009)

Esther said:


> Hahaha, same. Most of te people I know lost weight in their first year of University because we were all too damn poor to eat!! The only guys around were famished twigs



Not in residence or on meal plans then? I went to a university with a fully open meal plan; I put on 12 pounds by Christmas, a friend put on 50 pounds in that time! My son has just started as a frosh in a res with an open meal plan; judging by the guts on many of the residence assistants, the freshman 15+ is pretty comon there...


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## Esther (Sep 11, 2009)

BigChaz said:


> My first year of college I got a job as a cook so I could get free meals. I ended up putting on over 30lbs my freshman year.
> 
> Moral of the story: Work as a cook your freshmen year!



I would've LOVED to have been a cook, or known a cook during my first year! Two of my roommates were doing okay, but my one other roommate and I were just scraping by, so our cupboards were pretty empty (our house didn't share food).



Tad said:


> My university residence had an honest to goodness open meal plan....well you only got one of the main course, but as much buns, salads, fruit, desserts, milk, juice, soda (breakfast cereal in the morning) and so forth as you wanted. I put on ten pounds before Canadian Thanksgiving! Then I learned to watch what I was eating more (having never heard of an FFA at the time). None of the other guys around me gained much weight. Quite a number of the young women did, however. I think that a lot of guys at that age have a metabolism that can withstand anything.





fat hiker said:


> Not in residence or on meal plans then? I went to a university with a fully open meal plan; I put on 12 pounds by Christmas, a friend put on 50 pounds in that time! My son has just started as a frosh in a res with an open meal plan; judging by the guts on many of the residence assistants, the freshman 15+ is pretty comon there...



See, the Universities I've attended have charged a ridiculous amount for residence and for meal plans. It is much more affordable to live off campus and to take the bus to school. I didn't know many of the residence kids because all the friends I made were my neighbours off campus... and the majority of us were pretty well wasting away! There was this one BHM who lived next door to us (I had a boyfriend at the time but I had a huuuge crush on this guy too) but he lost a lot of weight as the year went on.


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## djudex (Sep 11, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> Dude I want a queen.
> My twin xl is like sleeping on a brick



I have one but it might be a bit of a tight fit to get us both on there, I either have to sleep sideways or folded in order to keep my feet on the bed.


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## Kazak (Sep 12, 2009)

.
.........


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## rabbitislove (Sep 12, 2009)

Esther said:


> Hahaha, same. Most of te people I know lost weight in their first year of University because we were all too damn poor to eat!! The only guys around were famished twigs



Dude I moved to health central:

Plus side: mass biking, walking to public transport, yoga, and my school has a super gym with a rock climbing wall. Also, lots of healthy vegetarian options (us rabbits is omnivores you know)

Minus side: Have not seen many BHMs, at least not ones Im attracted to.

Methinks I should pop in the IT department one day. Hahaha.


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## rabbitislove (Sep 12, 2009)

djudex said:


> I have one but it might be a bit of a tight fit to get us both on there, I either have to sleep sideways or folded in order to keep my feet on the bed.



Hahaha. Well I keep saying I do need to get more padding for my bed. Lol.


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## rabbitislove (Sep 12, 2009)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> I'd like to be able to say:
> 
> "Yes, a booth is FINE!!! I LOVE booths!!!"
> 
> ...



I love booths! And hot dates! Hozay, you know the way to a girls heart.


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## WillSpark (Sep 12, 2009)

"It's true, two in three women are FFAs!"


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## theronin23 (Sep 13, 2009)

"I'm sorry, you're just not my type. But I still want to be friends."


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## escapist (Sep 14, 2009)

I know I would really love to say, "I'm glad all the other fat guys really get it: sexy is something sexually suggestive or stimulating that usually emanate from a state of mind and being".


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## fat hiker (Sep 14, 2009)

"And it's the qualifying round here at the Sumo ring at the 2012 Olympics...."


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## BigChaz (Sep 14, 2009)

"I'm glad other fat guys get it. It's not about learning to be in a state of mind or being, it's about being yourself and who you want to be."


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## escapist (Sep 14, 2009)

BigChaz said:


> "I'm glad other fat guys get it. It's not about learning to be in a state of mind or being, it's about being yourself and who you want to be."



Ok thats a little confusing, how can you be yourself and who you want to be if who you want to be isn't yourself? I mean the statement "who you want to be" indicates already that your not that person. If you are why do you want to be it? Why aren't you just it?


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Sep 14, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> I love booths! And hot dates! Hozay, you know the way to a girls heart.



Oh my . . . i think I'm blushing. 

I guess the next trip is to Colorado.


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## rabbitislove (Sep 18, 2009)

escapist said:


> Ok thats a little confusing, how can you be yourself and who you want to be if who you want to be isn't yourself? I mean the statement "who you want to be" indicates already that your not that person. If you are why do you want to be it? Why aren't you just it?



Can you guys just settle this? Us FFAs can help. I feel the most civilized solution is that you two can either wrestle in 
a) mud
or 
b) green jello. 

Let us know your decision, and we'll make it happen. As a vegetarian I feel the most ethical solution is mud, but this is open to debate. Its a democracy not a rabbitocracy.


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## BigChaz (Sep 18, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> Can you guys just settle this? Us FFAs can help. I feel the most civilized solution is that you two can either wrestle in
> a) mud
> or
> b) green jello.
> ...



I only wrestle in the finest muds that have been imported from Calistoga and pre-bathed in by virgin women.

I'll wrestle in any flavor of jello though.


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## fat hiker (Sep 22, 2009)

Things fat guys would like to be able to say:

"Hasta la Vista, baby."

"We'll always have Paris."

"To be, or not to be, that is the question."


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## fat hiker (Mar 18, 2010)

Things a fat guy would like to be able to say:

"Well, 'Mrs.' President, how does it feel waking up in the White House?"

"Leeds, Her Royal Highness would like her bath early this morning." "Yes, Your Majesty."


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## Fatgator (Mar 21, 2010)

"Wait wait wait, you're going to deliver the pizza straight to my window?"


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## Weirdo890 (Mar 21, 2010)

"Ladies, ladies, there is plenty of me to go around."

"I've been offered the chance to pose for _Playgirl_."

"I am loved for who I am, not in spite of it."


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## djudex (Mar 21, 2010)

"You going to finish that?"


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## fat hiker (Aug 9, 2012)

"I'll have to turn that down; I've already accepted a role in 'Henry V' at Stratford."


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## The Dark Lady (Aug 9, 2012)

fat hiker said:


> "I'll have to turn that down; I've already accepted a role in 'Henry *I*V' at Stratford."



And all of today's awesomes are belong to you.


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## survivalisfutile (Aug 9, 2012)

The Dark Lady said:


> And all of today's awesomes are belong to you.



is that because they typed 'henry V' or because they resurrected a two year old thread? Or is the combo why they get all of today's awesomes


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## The Dark Lady (Aug 9, 2012)

survivalisfutile said:


> is that because they typed 'henry V' or because they resurrected a two year old thread? Or is the combo why they get all of today's awesomes



Three words: muthafuckin' Falstaff reference.


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## Wanderer (Aug 10, 2012)

For me, the list is pretty familiar:

"Mm! Mm, no thanks. I'm stuffed! Well, maybe some dessert..."

"I'm glad it felt good to you, hon. It felt _great_ for me! Now how's about some snuggling before we go again?"

"Guess I need the next size up or so."

"Good morning, boss!" (Still looking for work, yes.)


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## shandyman (Aug 10, 2012)

*looks down* " oh there are my shoes"

"so much choice of great clothing at a good price that fit me perfectly"

"These narrow bucket seats fit me like a glove"

"No no ladies, I am taken"

"Oh go on I'll have seconds of that delicious food, I need fattening up"


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## theronin23 (Aug 11, 2012)

"These rollercoaster seats are really accommodating."


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## Sasquatch! (Aug 11, 2012)

"Why yes, you all are showering me with the amount of attention I deserve"


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## JiggleGut (Sep 9, 2012)

"Four years of college and this is all I have to show for it", while jiggling my beer belly.


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## MrBob (Sep 9, 2012)

'That's what I like about these high school girls; I get older, they stay the same age.'

No wait...I do say that, a lot. Probably explains that court order banning me from going within 100 yards of the local 6th form.


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## Sasquatch! (Sep 9, 2012)

MrBob said:


> 'That's what I like about these high school girls; I get older, they stay the same age.'
> 
> No wait...I do say that, a lot. Probably explains that court order banning me from going within 100 yards of the local 6th form.



I feel icky thinking about under 21 year olds in that way. :doh:


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## MrBob (Sep 9, 2012)

Sasquatch! said:


> I feel icky thinking about under 21 year olds in that way. :doh:


So should I probably...perhaps it's the uniform or the pictures in the Daily Mail of them jumping gleefully in the air on A-level results day....I should get help!


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## sarahe543 (Sep 10, 2012)

Dessert menu? One of each please.


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## Sasquatch! (Sep 10, 2012)

"I was only saying those things to get attention--I am actually rather unhappy and have no intention of following through with my broadcasted statements"


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## hbighappy (Sep 14, 2012)

1. Yes that was me you seen on the Calvin klein underwear billboard 
2. Did You see how that gust wind almost knocked me down
3.We need to Add more sand bags to this hot air balloon so wed don't go so high.
4.Does this shirt make me look fat or should I Put the medium one on


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## CastingPearls (Sep 14, 2012)

It's okay. People confuse me with Adam Levine ALL THE TIME.

This was actually said to me by a really cute BHM who was discussing Maroon5 with me. Unfortunately for me, he's into thin women.


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## samuraiscott (Sep 15, 2012)

How much is the salary? Sure, I can start tomorrow!


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## fat hiker (Jul 21, 2015)

"They're casting me as a superhero in the next Marvel Comics summer blockbuster."


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## fat hiker (Feb 12, 2016)

"Driver, hold up a minute; you'll have no problems with traction once me and all my fat bros here move to the back of the bus."


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## BigChaz (Feb 14, 2016)

"I didn't know it was gonna kill her"


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## fat hiker (Dec 1, 2016)

"I think they hired me on account of how good I look in a suit."


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## Wanderer (Mar 27, 2017)

Fatgator said:


> "Wait wait wait, you're going to deliver the pizza straight to my window?"



They're working on it...


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## fat hiker (Mar 28, 2017)

Wanderer said:


> They're working on it...


And as for the little wheeled robot delivering the pizza and Coke - better save that for neighbourhoods without any criminals, eh what?


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## fat hiker (Mar 28, 2017)

"Who says fat guys can't wear stripes?"

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/356910339196484775/


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## Anjula (Mar 29, 2017)

fat hiker said:


> https://www.pinterest.com/pin/356910339196484775/



Eye candy alarm!


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## fat hiker (Sep 28, 2017)

Who says a fat guy can't wear stripes? part 2:
https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/755056693746514836/


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