# I have a temper - a bad one



## Sandie_Zitkus (May 24, 2007)

Some of you are saying "DUH". Well, sometimes it takes something horrible happening for you to really see something in yourself. Losing the best friend I ever had did that for me recently. I contributed to that friendship ending by being vicious. It's hard to admit that - but I did. It took me some time to understand that and I wish I could tell my friend how much I have learned about myself recently but I can't. But I realized I'm mean when I feel threatened or insecure or attacked. It's not pretty and I am not proud of my behavior. I am doing my best to recognize what's happening before I jump. I know it's going to take time but I feel like this anger issue is another issue that still connects my to my family. My parents were both quick with a slap or a verbal assault and my dad was quick with a kick as well. I am just realizing how deep this goes and how long I have been alienating people with this temper. Which also feeds into my lack of self-esteem - it keeps people away.

Anyway. Why am I posting this here instead of the clubhouse where I would normally post this? I felt a need to let people know who might not have access to the clubhouse - I'm working on it. It's gonna take time, but I'm getting "it".

I do love this place and all the people here.:wubu:


----------



## Butterbelly (May 25, 2007)

I have this same problem.

There are times my anger turns to rage, which isn't that often, but it has occurred twice in the past year. When this happens there is no way anyone can calm me down. I, not only, get verbally hateful, I throw things as well. I tend to take my anger out on those I love...particularly my mother. I used to take it out on an ex boyfriend, which most of the time he did not deserve.

When I was younger, it was much worse, but as I've gotten older I see it subsiding a lot. I know a lot of my anger stems from some childhood things, but it also stems from me not being able to control my emotions a lot. I'm quick tempered, I easily admit that...but I blow up about the stupidest things. The major things, I rarely blow up about. 

I've had therapy sessions for my anger, and was given some great advice. When I feel anxious, upset, or angry, I turn to music, writing, or artwork. While this doesn't help all the time, it's sure helped 90% of the time.


----------



## furious styles (May 25, 2007)

i punch walls :[


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (May 25, 2007)

I had the same problem for years......
With me, when "flight or fight" kicked on, fight usually won when I felt "threatened" or "attacked" and then when I cooled down, I would flood with self-doubts about whether or not someone had wronged me or if I was crazy/over-reacting.
PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was the cause of a lot of my stuff- it was diagnosed about six years ago by a psychologist I saw briefly and that diagnosis was backed up by a psychiatrist. This happened as a result of childhood abuse and being in a state of upset/fear too much of the time. My reflex to react kicked on too easily. Drugs didn't help this but a year and a half with a counselor that showed me how to love myself and find inner peace has turned my life around. I now seem to be able to not "over-react" now and it has also spread over into treating myself better now. Instead of being filled with self-doubts when I start thinking someone is treating me badly, I can now step back, analyze it calmly and make a good conscious decision with my logical mind. Life is much better now with no guilt for sticking up for myself and treating others better 

**I don't take any medications now either- my healing came from the inside- not medications 

I have no idea if PTSD has anything to do with what you're going through but felt like it wouldn't hurt to mention my personal experiences and give you some links 

http://www.medicinenet.com/posttraumatic_stress_disorder/article.htm
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/posttraumaticstressdisorder.html
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/healthinformation/ptsdmenu.cfm
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/information/what_is.jsp


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (May 25, 2007)

Yes I have PTSD stemming from childhood abuse and an adult relationship that was abusive. I'm learning that for me it seems I desperately need to love myself to correct my temper.

I'm working on it.


----------



## Canonista (May 25, 2007)

I was always physically larger than the other kids. I had six inches on most of my class in sixth grade. Because of that when I got mad I got special attention. Someone was in my face about it immediately and it never seemed to matter why I was mad, even when it was for good reason. Nobody ever told the other guy to back off, they always went to me first.

Because of that I've learned that blowing up never worked with me and I had to find other ways to deal with my anger. In my teen years that meant vandalism and arson, but in my adult life it translates into the ability to walk away from someone who I care about with no remorse whatsoever if anger becomes an issue. I won't even waste time "taking someone down a peg" who really deserves it (like my constantly badgering ex wife), I'll just walk away without saying a word.

I have never "won" by blowing up so I adapted.


----------



## Chimpi (May 25, 2007)

It takes quite a bit, these days, to get me worked up. When it happens, sometimes I do have the ability to sustain it. I used to have a huge temper, which I usually took out on my mother for the most childish reasons. We both verbally and emotionally attacked each other sometimes, but we both got over it and realised we were both in the wrong.
Luckily, I have not let my anger consume me anymore. I'm not sure if I just get worked up over things that I have no control, and the only way I can possibly seem to vent is by letting it out, but I'm proud of myself for being able to control my anger [for the most part]. There are always those times, just like with anyone, where you cannot hold some strong emotions in. It is natural.

There has to be a way to control ones anger, even if it is the toughest feat possible... Good luck.


----------



## Mechelle (May 25, 2007)

An apology goes a long way. Unless your friend did something that goes againt your principals and it really is now a factor in your not being able to be friends with that kind of person then go to your friend and apologize. I have had fights with good friends that have lasted longer then some friendships with others. A good friend knows that you will calm down even months later and you can find that ablility to both move on. I had a friend that had an abortion and it caused stress for about 3 years in our friendship... we are today best of friends I have known her for most of my life. Good friends are worth the humble pie.


----------



## ripley (May 25, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> **I don't take any medications now either- my healing came from the inside- not medications



I'm glad that you're better. 

I have to say though, that this statement bothers me. There is NO SHAME in taking medications for psychiatric/mental issues. I think many people that would benefit and increase their well-being from medications don't take them because of a belief in healing themselves from the inside...that it's somehow not as good to get help from medications, or that there is a stigma. You can will yourself out of brain chemical imbalances about as much as you can will yourself out of a migraine. Mental/emotional problems have such stigmas anyway...I hate to see another.

A member of my family has pretty severe mental illness. God only knows where we'd be without the medications. I know you probably didn't mean anything by what you said but it's sort of a pet issue of mine.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (May 25, 2007)

Hey Ripley - I agree with you anti-depressandt saved my life. 





ripley said:


> I'm glad that you're better.
> 
> I have to say though, that this statement bothers me. There is NO SHAME in taking medications for psychiatric/mental issues. I think many people that would benefit and increase their well-being from medications don't take them because of a belief in healing themselves from the inside...that it's somehow not as good to get help from medications, or that there is a stigma. You can will yourself out of brain chemical imbalances about as much as you can will yourself out of a migraine. Mental/emotional problems have such stigmas anyway...I hate to see another.
> 
> A member of my family has pretty severe mental illness. God only knows where we'd be without the medications. I know you probably didn't mean anything by what you said but it's sort of a pet issue of mine.


----------



## ripley (May 25, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Hey Ripley - I agree with you anti-depressandt saved my life.



Agreeing with me...scary place to be, ain't it?


----------



## Forgotten_Futures (May 25, 2007)

I know all about anger problems  

I've had issues with 'em for years, likely steeped in elementary school, of all things. That and my father has a temper as well. And I like to blame my Irish blood.

Back when I was younger I was the smart, nerdy, ahead-of-most-of-my-classmates kid, and to top it off, I've always been mildly antisocial and sociopathic (unlike most people, I do actually know what these two mean). I was also weak and couldn't fight back physically against the kids who picked on me, and fighting back with the thing they were picking on me for wasn't an option. So I learned to bottle anger, and it erupted now and then. Caused me no end of trouble when the littlest thing made me do the dumbest things.

In more recent years, I've gotten a lot better at keeping my anger down, but I do still go off now and then. I usually throw things, or abuse non-living objects (I vented at work once by beating the piss out of the steel shelving in the back with a whiffle-ball bat that happened to be in the damages bin). If it's not human or alive and within my reach, it may become a projectile. Soda cans, tissue boxes... I put a dent in my nightstand slamming one of my flashlights down on it. Flashlight works fine still (nice, sturdy LED model). Another time at work, I side-armed the wall in frustration. Hurt a bit, because the walls have steel beams behind them, but it felt so good...

The problem with venting rage that way, however, is it tends to make the anger build, instead of dissipate. So the only real way to calm down is to not react, but in the cool down period it's so much easier to go off again. Another time at work I happened to go in a bit early because one of the other people at my tier had to leave early, so I came in to cover the extra time, and got to work with counting out the day-time workers. Now, I am not the fastest at much of anything, and counting out drawers is no exception. And these people are/were impatient SOB's. It got to the point they were hounding me enough my options were literally: a) leave the office IMMEDIATELY or b) explode.

Fortunately, the manager came into the office at that point. I pretty much asked him to take over, and left. Later I apologized and explained myself, and he said it was fine, he could tell I was getting pissed, and it was good I'd left the situation. He agreed with me it can get heated at shift change time. This happened after being with the store for only about a year, and I've gotten better since. I didn't blow on anyone this past Christmas, vs. 3 mini-explosions Christmas season '05, once on a customer, twice on coworkers, one of those being perfectly good grounds for firing me, but thankfully the manage on duty was understanding, and the other guy involved admitted he'd been an instigator. I get too many lucky breaks = P.

Ok, before this gets any longer, I'm gonna hit "Submit Reply" and maybe add more later = P


----------



## saucywench (May 25, 2007)

From Wikipedia (just to keep it short and simple):

A *Cognitive Behavioral Therapy* (*CBT*) is a psychotherapy based on modifying everyday thoughts and behaviors, with the aim of positively influencing emotions....The particular therapeutic techniques vary according to the particular kind of client or issue, but commonly include keeping a diary of significant events and associated feelings, thoughts and behaviors; questioning and testing assumptions or habits of thoughts that might be unhelpful and unrealistic; gradually facing activities which may have been avoided; and trying out new ways of behaving and reacting. Relaxation and distraction techniques are also commonly included.

CBT is based on the idea that how we think (cognition), how we feel (emotion) and how we act (behavior) all interact together. Specifically, our _thoughts_ influence our feelings and our behavior. Therefore, negative - and unrealistic - thoughts can cause us distress and result in problems.

...the therapy is to identify those irrational or maladaptive thoughts that lead to negative emotion and identify what it is about them that is irrational or just not helpful; this is done in an effort to reject the distorted thoughts and replace them with more realistic alternative thoughts, in a process sometimes referred to as cognitive-shifting.
---------------------------------------------------------------
"Speaking" extemporaneously here, I believe that in the last several years this mode of therapy has gained much wider use, replacing classic modes of therapy such as Freudian, Jungian, etc., as it addresses issues that are based more in-the-moment as opposed to, for example, how/why behaviors were adopted from childhood experiences.

For anyone who has recognized such negative or self-defeating behaviors in themselves and seeks to conquer them, I would first recommend an Internet search on CBT. I'm sure there's a lot of information out there. I have a book on it but don't have time to locate it and provide the title/author right now.


----------



## Observer (May 25, 2007)

Anger and mental health? Beautiful thread! Great topic! Just what the health forum is for - this subject deserves to be there!

(Issues one way ticket - bon voyage!)


----------



## Paw Paw (May 25, 2007)

I was molested when I was 8 years old. I think something in my mind decided that it would not happen again. Since then, there have been times when I know I went way overboard. Once, in a blind rage, I almost beat a man to death. After he was unconscious, there were two people that tried to stop me. I sent one of them to the Hospital as well. He had threatened my then girlfriend. 
After that I mostly walk away. But, if some fool follows me...

It did'nt help being as small as I am. Everyone starts with the little guy.

Peace,
2P.


----------



## Zandoz (May 25, 2007)

I'm another one that it took that one incident to open my eyes. In my case it was a very dear friend introducing me to her new boy friend and then adding, "he's a great guy, but what ever you do, don't make him mad, he's got a hell of a temper". I'd always known most of my peers were afraid of me on some level, but I always associated it with my size and my background...I was my adult height by the end of the 4th grade, and always heavy...to top that off I'd had both boxing and small bit of martial arts training from professionals. Till then it just hadn't clicked that there was more to it. From then it's been a constant work in progress to control...but with time it gets easier.




ripley said:


> There is NO SHAME in taking medications for psychiatric/mental issues. I think many people that would benefit and increase their well-being from medications don't take them because of a belief in healing themselves from the inside...that it's somehow not as good to get help from medications, or that there is a stigma. You can will yourself out of brain chemical imbalances about as much as you can will yourself out of a migraine. Mental/emotional problems have such stigmas anyway...I hate to see another.
> 
> A member of my family has pretty severe mental illness. God only knows where we'd be without the medications. I know you probably didn't mean anything by what you said but it's sort of a pet issue of mine.



Ripley, for some of us the refusal of chemical treatment has nothing to do with shame and stigma...it's about seeing the effects of those drugs on those we know and love. Depression runs in my mom's side of the family BIG TIME...and I've probably had what would be considered depression most of my life. I've seen every family member (more than just a few) that goes the drug route end up much worse than when they started, and in a very short time. I watched them turn my mom from active and functional to near a vegetable in a matter of weeks. Thankfully she realized what was happening and got off of them. But the ordeal (and seeing what has happened to others) has left her totally paranoid about all drugs, and is now not taking what she should to preserve her life. Yes, I know, often it is a trial and error thing to find the right meds, but more often than not it's been a drug em and forget em thing...and the few cases where there have been trials, there have been nothing but errors. I'm not saying no one should take the drugs...that is an issue each must address on their own...I'm just saying they are not for everyone, and not just because of stigma.


----------



## Theatrmuse/Kara (May 25, 2007)

Interesting topic, Sandie. As some of you know, I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, too and I have the OPPOSITE problem of most survivors. I have trouble with ANGER....BUT.............it is really difficult for me to get angry. I have worked on that a bit with a therapist, but still have problems.

I always seem to be the peacemaker at all costs and sometimes, holding in anger, (as you all probably know) is self destructive.

It is easy for me to have what I call "righteous anger".....anger over some injustice done to someone else.............but almost impossible for me to have (or admit?) to anger inside of me for something or mistreatment for myself.

:happy: Basketcase #3289:huh: 
Hugs, Kara


----------



## imfree (May 25, 2007)

I'm right in there with y'all. Very little of the abuse I took was physical, most was verbal. Looking back, I think my dad must have had severe
ADD. He would react with extreme anger anytime something he was doing didn't
go properly or interrupted his line of thought. I confess that I do have anger problems. I work and pray toward being tender-hearted, however.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (May 25, 2007)

ripley said:


> I'm glad that you're better.
> 
> I have to say though, that this statement bothers me. There is NO SHAME in taking medications for psychiatric/mental issues. I think many people that would benefit and increase their well-being from medications don't take them because of a belief in healing themselves from the inside...that it's somehow not as good to get help from medications, or that there is a stigma. You can will yourself out of brain chemical imbalances about as much as you can will yourself out of a migraine. Mental/emotional problems have such stigmas anyway...I hate to see another.
> 
> A member of my family has pretty severe mental illness. God only knows where we'd be without the medications. I know you probably didn't mean anything by what you said but it's sort of a pet issue of mine.



Oh no- I certainly wasn't bashing people who NEED medications- the point I was trying to convey was that sometimes I think doctors push those anti-depressants as a "fix-all" type of thing- or that has been my experience with them. I feel like most of my progress/healing came after I decided not to take those drugs anymore. (and I did take those drugs myself so I definitely do not judge or condemn anyone who does take them- I probably really physically needed them when post-partum depression struck me after my twins were born). 
However, it seems like a good point to say that some need the drugs, some need therapy and some need both. 

I also fully understand about the stigma and people acting like you're some kind of "threat". My brother is a schizophrenic who has been on his medications for over 20 years- he HAS to have his medications. I fully appreciate you pointing out how it shouldn't be seen as a "bad" thing to take medication because some people have severe issues that REQUIRE them to function. 

Once again, please let me re-iterate, for MYSELF I felt I was handed drugs as a fix-all when I really needed something else. For others they may need drugs and it's not for *me* (or Tom Cruise ) to decide who needs them or doesn't

If someone feels they need them and have benefited from them, then I am truly happy to hear they were helped by medication. I feel better from a different route- one that also deserves mentioning because each person has to make their own journey.


----------



## Miss Vickie (May 25, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Some of you are saying "DUH". Well, sometimes it takes something horrible happening for you to really see something in yourself. Losing the best friend I ever had did that for me recently. I contributed to that friendship ending by being vicious. It's hard to admit that - but I did. It took me some time to understand that and I wish I could tell my friend how much I have learned about myself recently but I can't. But I realized I'm mean when I feel threatened or insecure or attacked. It's not pretty and I am not proud of my behavior. I am doing my best to recognize what's happening before I jump. I know it's going to take time but I feel like this anger issue is another issue that still connects my to my family. My parents were both quick with a slap or a verbal assault and my dad was quick with a kick as well. I am just realizing how deep this goes and how long I have been alienating people with this temper. Which also feeds into my lack of self-esteem - it keeps people away.
> 
> Anyway. Why am I posting this here instead of the clubhouse where I would normally post this? I felt a need to let people know who might not have access to the clubhouse - I'm working on it. It's gonna take time, but I'm getting "it".
> 
> I do love this place and all the people here.:wubu:



Sandie, I appreciate your bravery and honesty in starting this thread. Best of luck to you in dealing with these issues. You're a lovely, sensitive, caring person and should have lots of people around you. I know how it must hurt to push people away when you want them close. I hope you can continue to work on this and that those close to you can help you help yourself. You've been through some awful shit and deserve to have lots of people around who love you. 



ripley said:


> I'm glad that you're better.
> 
> I have to say though, that this statement bothers me. There is NO SHAME in taking medications for psychiatric/mental issues. I think many people that would benefit and increase their well-being from medications don't take them because of a belief in healing themselves from the inside...that it's somehow not as good to get help from medications, or that there is a stigma. You can will yourself out of brain chemical imbalances about as much as you can will yourself out of a migraine. Mental/emotional problems have such stigmas anyway...I hate to see another.
> 
> A member of my family has pretty severe mental illness. God only knows where we'd be without the medications. I know you probably didn't mean anything by what you said but it's sort of a pet issue of mine.



Sadly, there is a lot of shame where mental illness is concerned, and worse, about medications in particular. I'm glad you and Green Eyed Fairie worked this out, and I know she didn't mean any harm. But yeah, meds can be critical in healing. I had a therapist once describe it as being like diabetes. You wouldn't tell someone they were "weak" because they took insulin, would you? No. And brain chemistry issues aren't unlike endocrine system issues -- both are helped tremendously by medications because both imbalances cause physical symptoms as well as emotional ones. One thing I've also been told is that those of us who have had childhood traumas have baseline brain chemistry deficiencies that make it harder for us to handle ANY kind of stress or trauma as we grow up, and make us more likely to suffer depression and anxiety as adults. This is where medications come into play, because they increase those levels so we can have a healthier response to life's trials and travails. Do I wish we didn't need them? Of course. And yes, there are problems, particularly when they're handed out like candy by general practice docs. But in the hands of a licensed practitioner who knows what meds are out there and how they work -- rather than getting their knowledge from advertisements and drug reps -- they can be prescribed properly. Unfortunately, though, lots of people go to their doc complaining of depression or anxiety, are handed whatever sample the doc has in their office, and off they go with minimal supervision. This is a disaster in the making, particularly if they have side effects and just arbitrarily stop taking them. Yipes! 



Theatrmuse/Kara said:


> Interesting topic, Sandie. As some of you know, I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, too and I have the OPPOSITE problem of most survivors. I have trouble with ANGER....BUT.............it is really difficult for me to get angry. I have worked on that a bit with a therapist, but still have problems.
> 
> I always seem to be the peacemaker at all costs and sometimes, holding in anger, (as you all probably know) is self destructive.
> 
> ...



Okay well if you're #3289 I'm #3290. I'm the very same way, with the very same type of history. It's to the point where I will feel anger, and then second guess myself about it. "Is this okay? Is this appropriate? Should I really be mad about this? Maybe I'm just too sensitive." As a result I seldom will address the issues that really upset me but stuff them (with the help of food!) It's something I continue to work on in therapy -- and Saucy, cognitive behavioral therapy is awesome -- but I know it will be a lifelong issue. I have such strong abandonment issues that getting angry with someone is very scary to me.


----------



## Surlysomething (May 25, 2007)

Canonista said:


> I have never "won" by blowing up so I adapted.





Me too.


The anger hurt me the most in the end.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (May 25, 2007)

Miss Vickie said:


> Sadly, there is a lot of shame where mental illness is concerned, and worse, about medications in particular. I'm glad you and Green Eyed Fairie worked this out, and I know she didn't mean any harm. But yeah, meds can be critical in healing. I had a therapist once describe it as being like diabetes. You wouldn't tell someone they were "weak" because they took insulin, would you? No. And brain chemistry issues aren't unlike endocrine system issues -- both are helped tremendously by medications because both imbalances cause physical symptoms as well as emotional ones. One thing I've also been told is that those of us who have had childhood traumas have baseline brain chemistry deficiencies that make it harder for us to handle ANY kind of stress or trauma as we grow up, and make us more likely to suffer depression and anxiety as adults. This is where medications come into play, because they increase those levels so we can have a healthier response to life's trials and travails. Do I wish we didn't need them? Of course. And yes, there are problems, particularly when they're handed out like candy by general practice docs. But in the hands of a licensed practitioner who knows what meds are out there and how they work -- rather than getting their knowledge from advertisements and drug reps -- they can be prescribed properly. Unfortunately, though, lots of people go to their doc complaining of depression or anxiety, are handed whatever sample the doc has in their office, and off they go with minimal supervision. This is a disaster in the making, particularly if they have side effects and just arbitrarily stop taking them. Yipes!




That is something I am angry about Vickie (not at you, of course!) - that the psychiatrist I saw knew of the things that happened to me. He told me that taking zoloft would "fix" my brain- literally - if I took it nine months to a year. Never mind all the emotional issues that I have been dealing with for 30 years...... just take some zoloft to be a happy camper. It angers me now in retrospect because I feel like my issues/problems were taken quite lightly by someone getting paid well over a $100 bucks an hour to hear them. 
If zoloft helped me in some way, then I'm not aware of it. The first time I took it, I (and my spouse) did notice that it didn't really "change" me in some way but it really just took some of my anxiety out of the mix of my thoughts. Good? yes- but I had to go off the medicine because I found out I was pregnant and the meds were giving me panic attacks/making it hard for me to function. (I have never had panic attacks except for those two I had while on the medication- once I told the psychiatrist about them- he took me off it). 
I didn't see that psychiatrist anymore but my post partum depression was noted by a caregiver during my post partum check up and I was placed on zoloft again. This time I took it for a year- having what the psychiatrist told me in the back of my head, that if I took it for a year, I would be "better" "cured" "peachykeen" or whatever word you choose. 
Didn't happen...... when I sought counseling again, I said no drugs first thing. My counselor agreed with me- that the drugs are sometimes used too frequently and don't always deliver the results they are touted to. A year and half with a counselor changed my outlook, insights, abilities to cope, self-awareness, self-esteem, relationships with others and my whole life in general. Something I was led to believe a drug would do (by a paid professional physician)- but didn't.

Once again, I'm not bashing medications because *sometimes* they help and *some* people need/benefit from them. (such as my brother who cannot live/function without them- I don't want to ever see a day when he cannot have his medications). I'm just not one of them and think it's okay to share my experiences with medications, too


----------



## tonynyc (May 25, 2007)

I notice that people seem to be more short tempered as the weather gets warmer.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (May 26, 2007)

I have seen this side of myself, but only a few times.

Once when I was 17, one of my large (6'4", 215lb) guy friends from high school was picking on my little sister who was 13 at the time. I physically stood up to him even though he could have kicked my ass...I was red in the face and running off of pure adrenaline..no one messes with my family, ever.

Again when my grandma died when I was 23. This is dumb, but death brings out rage in me cos I don't know how to deal with it. I punched a hole in the wall because (brace yourself) I got a runner in my pantyhose. Not a shining moment for me.

I used to have a lot of rage whilst driving, but being in the UK is changing that. People here are just....so...slow, lol...and if I was fast or agressive, I would get hit...so that has changed a bit.

I still have rage deep inside of me about my parents splitting up....but I'm one of those people who just repress anger for the most part and let it manifest as depression. It is easier that way.

I can't really remember the last time I was pissed off enough to fight someone...it has been awhile. As far as mind games go, I have no need for them really....I can predict crazy people's next move. Those crazy, self centered, manipulative types are very predictable to me.

I do have a temper...I just don't let it show...Crouching Tiger/Hidden Dragon I suppose. I appear to be docile, but there is much that one cannot see.


----------



## Forgotten_Futures (May 26, 2007)

Zandoz said:


> Ripley, for some of us the refusal of chemical treatment has nothing to do with shame and stigma...it's about seeing the effects of those drugs on those we know and love. Depression runs in my mom's side of the family BIG TIME...and I've probably had what would be considered depression most of my life. I've seen every family member (more than just a few) that goes the drug route end up much worse than when they started, and in a very short time. I watched them turn my mom from active and functional to near a vegetable in a matter of weeks. Thankfully she realized what was happening and got off of them. But the ordeal (and seeing what has happened to others) has left her totally paranoid about all drugs, and is now not taking what she should to preserve her life. Yes, I know, often it is a trial and error thing to find the right meds, but more often than not it's been a drug em and forget em thing...and the few cases where there have been trials, there have been nothing but errors. I'm not saying no one should take the drugs...that is an issue each must address on their own...I'm just saying they are not for everyone, and not just because of stigma.


 
Mmm... my sister was diagnosed with clinical depression late in her senior year of high school. Really fun time... (sarcasm). Anyhow, after a few tries a properly effective anti-depressant was found, and I believe her psychiatrist is testing a lower dose even now. The first, however, was horrible, made her much worse, that was actually prescribed by a different psychiatrist (that is part of why she sees a different one now = P). Myself, I have mild depression, mostly caused by myself. I don't get out enough, and even though I'm an introvert, socialization is still good for me. I find that caffeine, taurine, and various other stimulant-type drugs found commonly in energy drinks can have a serious moodlifting effect on me, but they also make me a bit hyper (I'm fairly caffeine sensitive), talkative, and, along with that good mood, I replace a lot of my cynicism with sharp-witted sarcasm.



Theatrmuse/Kara said:


> Interesting topic, Sandie. As some of you know, I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, too and I have the OPPOSITE problem of most survivors. I have trouble with ANGER....BUT.............it is really difficult for me to get angry. I have worked on that a bit with a therapist, but still have problems.
> 
> I always seem to be the peacemaker at all costs and sometimes, holding in anger, (as you all probably know) is self destructive.
> 
> ...


 
I can see that... throughout your childhood you were taught to just accept what was done to you, even though you probably got angry about it. Now, as an adult, that mandate is still with you.


----------



## Zandoz (May 27, 2007)

Forgotten_Futures said:


> Mmm... my sister was diagnosed with clinical depression late in her senior year of high school. Really fun time... (sarcasm). Anyhow, after a few tries a properly effective anti-depressant was found, and I believe her psychiatrist is testing a lower dose even now. The first, however, was horrible, made her much worse, that was actually prescribed by a different psychiatrist (that is part of why she sees a different one now = P). Myself, I have mild depression, mostly caused by myself. I don't get out enough, and even though I'm an introvert, socialization is still good for me. I find that caffeine, taurine, and various other stimulant-type drugs found commonly in energy drinks can have a serious moodlifting effect on me, but they also make me a bit hyper (I'm fairly caffeine sensitive), talkative, and, along with that good mood, I replace a lot of my cynicism with sharp-witted sarcasm.



I'm glad your sister found the right meds to help her...as I said, I by no means mean my family's history and my reluctance because of it to be taken as trying to ward others from taking what ever course of treatment they see fit. I just presented my situation as an individual reason for not seeking a chemical solution, that did not fit the stigma model.

I'm kind of a caffeine addict of sorts...without at least a dose a day I get the headaches...and I can take large amounts without being hyper (I don't think I'm capable of hyper any more...LOL). Actually, I have been trying to cut down lately. I'm down to one caffeine soda a day, on most days. But on the other hand I'm wondering if the cutting back may be contributing to my frequent totally drained bouts <shrug>. I have tried the energy drinks, but so far I notice no difference beyond a typical caffeine soda.

I hear ya on the getting out bit. The combination of being mostly house-bound, and being a bit of an introvert to begin with, probably is far from doing me any good. But ya gotta have some place to go, a way to get there, and $$$ to pay for both...three strikes and I'm out (on the front porch).


----------



## Dr. Feelgood (May 27, 2007)

My father blew his top frequently. Looking back, I can see that he had pretty low self-esteem, found a _lot_ of situations threatening, and this is how he dealt with threats. And of course I grew up to be just like him. But gradually I came to see that this was a defense mechanism, and I asked the question: what is it I'm defending? My _self_, of course! But what's that? So I looked deep inside for that self, and I couldn't find it. All I can ever find are sense-perceptions, emotions, and thoughts, all of which change every few seconds. Which means the 'I' typing this sentence is not the same 'I' who typed the last one. :blink:  I haven't got a permanent 'self', and there isn't anything to be attacked. I don't always remember this, but it's amazing how much more laid-back this realization has made me.


----------



## Emma (May 27, 2007)

I have a horrible horrible temper. It's quick to come, but it's just as quick to go away. I don't know how people deal with it. I get in horrible rages about stupid little things but then I'm as normal as possible 5 minutes later. Go figure *shrug*


----------



## Forgotten_Futures (May 28, 2007)

Zandoz said:


> I'm kind of a caffeine addict of sorts...without at least a dose a day I get the headaches...and I can take large amounts without being hyper (I don't think I'm capable of hyper any more...LOL). Actually, I have been trying to cut down lately. I'm down to one caffeine soda a day, on most days. But on the other hand I'm wondering if the cutting back may be contributing to my frequent totally drained bouts <shrug>. I have tried the energy drinks, but so far I notice no difference beyond a typical caffeine soda.
> 
> I hear ya on the getting out bit. The combination of being mostly house-bound, and being a bit of an introvert to begin with, probably is far from doing me any good. But ya gotta have some place to go, a way to get there, and $$$ to pay for both...three strikes and I'm out (on the front porch).


 
I've never gotten to be a full blown addict. I love the stuff and use it often, but I'm not down and out without any. See if you can substitute your caffiene with Guarana; it's got a weaker kick than caff., but lasts longer, and is probably healthier for you in the long run. A few studies have also shown taurine to be a mild anti-depressant, apparently just strong enough to relieve my mild depression. And on the insufficient funds and stuff... yeah, I hear ya, although I haven't moved out yet, so I can still afford things.



CurvyEm said:


> I have a horrible horrible temper. It's quick to come, but it's just as quick to go away. I don't know how people deal with it. I get in horrible rages about stupid little things but then I'm as normal as possible 5 minutes later. Go figure *shrug*


 
Yes, I've noticed! = P

But I like you anyway.


----------



## AnnMarie (May 28, 2007)

Sandie, I just wanted to say I'm proud of you for posting this publically and admitting it's a problem. I have anger issues sometimes as well, it's a protection mode, but I've been working for the past couple of years on communicating better, more clearly, quickly, so that things don't bubble over. 

I've also mentioned in my blog (you may have read) that I've discovered a lot of my anger comes from anxiety induced instances, and that is something that I can control better by understanding the causes that make me feel anxious. 

I wish you the VERY best of luck in working on this... it's never too late to make yourself happier and live a better life in the process. I think it's commendable that you're doing the work.


----------



## love dubh (May 28, 2007)

Miss Vickie said:


> Okay well if you're #3289 I'm #3290. I'm the very same way, with the very same type of history. *It's to the point where I will feel anger, and then second guess myself about it. "Is this okay? Is this appropriate? Should I really be mad about this? Maybe I'm just too sensitive." *As a result I seldom will address the issues that really upset me but stuff them (with the help of food!) It's something I continue to work on in therapy -- and Saucy, cognitive behavioral therapy is awesome -- but I know it will be a lifelong issue. I have such strong abandonment issues that getting angry with someone is very scary to me.



You hit the nail on the head for me, Miss V. I feel EXACTLY the same way whenever I become angry, especially re: boyfriends. I would always second-guess, and in fact, would hang on to relationships much longer than was healthy because I didn't feel "JUSTIFIED" in breaking up. They hadn't actually "done" anything, they were just shitty boyfriends, and that my general unhappiness wasn't "good enough" a reason to break up.


----------



## mrman1980uk (Jun 1, 2007)

love dubh said:


> You hit the nail on the head for me, Miss V. I feel EXACTLY the same way whenever I become angry, especially re: boyfriends. I would always second-guess, and in fact, would hang on to relationships much longer than was healthy because I didn't feel "JUSTIFIED" in breaking up. They hadn't actually "done" anything, they were just shitty boyfriends, and that my general unhappiness wasn't "good enough" a reason to break up.



Ohh, that's sweet.


----------



## ChubbyBlackSista (Jun 5, 2007)

Anger Management is what all ya'll need. You need to focus your anger on some techniques that are going to be helpful to you


----------



## Forgotten_Futures (Jun 6, 2007)

Now, see, anger management classes never worked for me. In fact, I've been through two. The ability to manage my anger has manifested because I put effort into it myself. I know plenty of people swear by anger management classes though, and I suppose a fair chunk of why they didn't work for me is because I was PUT there, and I didn't particularly care at the times. You need to be as dedicated to dealing with your anger problems as you would anything else, or they're going nowhere fast.


----------

