# Is an FA a must?



## sweet&fat (Nov 19, 2007)

Here's something I've been pondering lately. To my fellow BBWs/BHMs who are dating, does a man/woman need to be an FA for you to consider him/her? I'm certainly looking for the whole package, but it's just insanely wonderful to be with someone who is wise enough to be attracted to you and your lovely, big, curvy body! I don't want to make everything about my fat (or at least I don't think I do), but recently I met a guy who wants to date me and proclaims that he doesn't care about body type because he's more about personality. I have to admit, even though I like him, there's a little voice inside me that says that I'm too beautiful to settle for an "inner beauty trumps all" mentality! lol! Am I being shallow?


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## Aurora (Nov 19, 2007)

I'd say you're not being shallow at all.

My first boyfriend, whom I was with for 3 years, was not an FA. He was one of those "I don't care what you look like" types. All I can say from experience is there's a big difference between someone who doesn't care what you look like and someone who absolutely loves it. But honestly, it all comes down to your personal preferences. Is it possible to be in a loving relationship with someone who's not an FA? Sure is! But for me personally I couldn't do it. I love and thrive on the extra attention only an FA can give. 

Although it could be that this guy is an FA but stated that to you because he didn't realize your confidence in yourself or something along those lines. If he's a keeper I'd talk to him about it.


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## superodalisque (Nov 19, 2007)

personally i don't feel its important that a man you are involved with be an FA. sometimes guys say they don't care what you look like because they think you'll think they are freaky if they say they are an FA. there are a lot of guys who don't even know what an FA is. also there are some guys who actually want a relationship and not just sex, and they don't want that to overtake everything. for the most part a lot of guys won't even approach you if they aren't attracted at all. get used to the fact that if he is having sex with you and likes it he cares.

i go back and forth over the FA issue as well. i would love to date an FA seriously but i haven't really met any i've felt really comfortable enough with in the past 4 years. to be fair though i have only met them online and at bashes. i'm not sure if those places are really conducive to finding what i have in mind. there is something about playing the bbw version of ellimnidate that i find off-putting. 

i love the idea of having my body appreciated to the fullest. but then its not fair to assume that guys who don't call themselves FAs won't. for the most part i have dated guys who would not call themselves FAs. i really haven't seen them as being less sexually excited. i think there is a big dfference between a non-FA and someone who is actually disqusted by fat.

one of the drawbacks i've faced when dealing with FAs is that when we have a problem they usually attribute it to how i feel about my fat or how they express their sexuality. its true that they sometimes emphasize that part of the relationship so much that i never get comfortable with them as a person. but generally its really just relationship issues that everyone faces--basic incompatibility etc... 

i also believe bbws sometimes fall in love with the idea of being attractive to someone. I think an experience with an FA can be great for some women at this stage. since a lot of FAs are very vocal about their preference they can help bbws gain a sense of themselves as a woman. there is nothing wrong with that and there is also nothing wrong with short termed fun. but a woman has to remember that a lot of these guys are also lounge lizzard types and they are very good at saying and doing the right thing because they benefit from it as well. its not necessarily that they are so overwhelmed by your looks. witness the fact that an hour later he can be saying or doing the same with another woman he has met. there is no difference between him and a guy who is attracted to women with big boobs. the attraction doesn't necessarily mean there is anything personal in it. and to be fair it doesn't exclude it either. but bbws have to get used to the idea that they are truly attractive to MOST men when they present themselves well. once a woman reaches that point in her development she can change somewhat and find that it is really nice if sometimes someone is looking at her face listening to her thoughts and actually talking to her about something other than how she looks. its nice to be important to someone on that level because then you know you never have to worry about whether they still care for you if you decide to gain or lose weight .

PS: true story. one of the sweetest things i ever saw was in chicago this halloween. a man was at the boobash with a woman who was tiny, maybe a size 2. she used to be a bbw but had had WLS because of health issues. he brought her to the bash to show her once and for all that he was totally in love with her. he told everyone who would listen how much he loved her. it was sweet how you could see that he wanted to make sure that she knew that his feelings hadn't changed just because her size had.


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## TallFatSue (Nov 19, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> I don't want to make everything about my fat (or at least I don't think I do), but recently I met a guy who wants to date me and proclaims that he doesn't care about body type because he's more about personality.


Be careful about guys like that, or you'll end up like me. Back in the 1970s I began to date a man who said that he didn't particularly like fat girls, but my personality "intrigued" him. Now what do I have to show for it? Over 25 happy years of marriage, that's what! :smitten:

He claims those ecstatic full-body massages he gives me were "purely for research", but one might think he'd have all the research he needed after 3 decades. Well, I'll just have to endure it as best I can. 

He didn't like fat girls then, but he sure does now, the whole package!


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## Jon Blaze (Nov 19, 2007)

Great answers ladies. 

I don't believe you are actually, but I'm an FA, so that's a technicality. 
I strive in relationships to like a mix of physical traits, and traits unrelated to that. While I do personally think that certain body types are more likely to allure me, I know relationships are way too complex, and as I've heard this a few times before: There's a fine line between fetishism, and admiration. 

I personally like SuperO!'s answer the most: I think what really matters is the balance between "I don't care what you look like," and "I don't obsess over your body, but I find you physically attractive." Aurora's explanation is correct as well I think: Find for yourself what you personally look for.
Good luck.


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## ashmamma84 (Nov 19, 2007)

I agree with Supero as well...I don't need to date an FFA; I've never had a problem attracting a mate whether I was thinner or heavier (as I am now). I don't necessarily think being having an FA mate makes one any more or any less special...as long as they are "in to you"; it shouldn't matter.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 19, 2007)

It matters to me and I've explained the reasoning at length before (not saying you should know that... just fairly sure everyone here is sick of hearing it.)

Check this thread for links to several really good, comprehensive FA related threads, they cover a lot of areas in this question - we've all had some rather heated, but interesting, discussions about it. 

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14693


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## BothGunsBlazing (Nov 19, 2007)

Yes, yes we are. essential.


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## Ash (Nov 19, 2007)

I don't think it's a question of whether or not a fat person can attract a non-FA. 

I would never again date a non-FA. Emotional connections are lovely, spiritual connections are great, but unless there's a physical connection, it's just not going to work. And I don't want to be with any man who doesn't absolutely love my body. And I mean that he's not just accepting of it because it happens to be attached to my brain, but that he actually loves the look and feel of it. 

Like Aurora said, there's a huge difference between feeling that a guy accepts my body and knowing that he absolutely adores it. And I'm just a fan of adoration, I suppose. 

Could I have a decent relationship with a guy who accepts my size, rather than adores it? Sure. Do I want to? Nope.


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## SoVerySoft (Nov 19, 2007)

I'll go a step further. I not only require him to be an FA, but he needs to have a preference for SSBBW - and it's important to me that he have experience dating SSBBWs.


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## GroovaliciousGoddess (Nov 19, 2007)

It's a because of or despite of argument isn't it?

Does a guy like you BECAUSE you are fat, or DESPITE you being fat (or skinny, or disabled)?

I suppose it's the same argument our skinny sisters give. They probably love the fact that they get lots of attention because of their nice figures, but then complain that the men are only interested in that and nothing else.

Or if you have a guy who really appreciates you for who you are, not what you may look like. Is it because of your nice personality, despite your looks...there is always the problem then that he doesn't appreciate the way you look, and you want your partner to think you are beautiful and desirable.


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## flipflopbaby (Nov 19, 2007)

I don't know that I can answer this question because I can't say I've ever been in a serious romantic relationship with a true admirer.

I have been in a serious relationship with someone that I think may have really liked large women but was afraid to admit it, and with someone that loved me for my inner beauty. While that's nice, I think it would be great to be with a man that was proud of me, showed it, and told me I was beautiful, _inside and out_.

Being naked in front of someone would be a lot more enjoyable if I thought a man was excited by all my curves and rolls, and not just tolerating it because he loved me. (That may have been too much information. :blush When I made love for the first time I wasn't terrified because I was getting ready to lose my virginity- I was terrified because someone was getting ready to see me naked. It would be nice to have that fear alleviated. 

I don't need anyone's approval to love myself, but a few compliments never hurt, right? I guess I won't know the answer to the question you pose until I fall in love with an FA. :batting:

~ Mary


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## superodalisque (Nov 19, 2007)

Ashley said:


> I don't think it's a question of whether or not a fat person can attract a non-FA.
> 
> I would never again date a non-FA. Emotional connections are lovely, spiritual connections are great, but unless there's a physical connection, it's just not going to work. And I don't want to be with any man who doesn't absolutely love my body. And I mean that he's not just accepting of it because it happens to be attached to my brain, but that he actually loves the look and feel of it.
> 
> ...



i just still find it amazing that women don't realize that non FAs can adore their bodies


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## Littleghost (Nov 19, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> ...and it's important to me that he have experience dating SSBBWs.



Ack. But what if we were "saving ourselves" for you?


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## bexy (Nov 19, 2007)

*to me its essential to be with a man who adores my body, not just accepts it cos its part of me. in saying that its also essential to be with a man who adores my personality, not just accepts it as its attached to my body....

my bf doesnt class himself as an FA however he has a preference for a larger body shape and thats one of the things that attracted him to me initially, now my personality he loves just as much and if i lost or gained weight it wouldnt change his feelings for me.

i think its important to be with someone who sees you as more than one thing, ie more than just a killer body or more than just fun, they need to see it all. 

bexy xox *


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## Ash (Nov 19, 2007)

superodalisque said:


> i just still find it amazing that women don't realize that non FAs can adore their bodies



A non-FA adoring my body is much different than an FA adoring my body. And I'm speaking purely from my own personal experiences. There's a difference for me.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 19, 2007)

GroovaliciousGoddess said:


> It's a because of or despite of argument isn't it?
> 
> Does a guy like you BECAUSE you are fat, or DESPITE you being fat (or skinny, or disabled)?
> 
> I suppose it's the same argument our skinny sisters give. They probably love the fact that they get lots of attention because of their nice figures, but then complain that the men are only interested in that and nothing else.



I've never dated an FA (seriously speaking, for a period of time) who was only with me because of my body. I would never date a guy like that. 

I think that's where "what comes to you" leaves off and "what you accept in your life" starts up. I'm not going to be with some random jerk just because his flag pole stands at attention when I'm around. I know my value as a person, and I know what I want in a relationship. If he's not giving it to me, no amount of belly grabs or flowery comments are going to matter one bit. 

But to have a good man, a nice man, a guy who really likes you for you, and who also looks at you with those "ayyyooogggaa!!" eyes, who touches you in a way that no other guy has because he appreciates pieces of you that have only been speed bumps on the way to the girl parts with previous suitors.... to have that man touch you, caress a curve and apply a small squeeze to your softest areas... well, that's to know what you've been missing. That matters to me, and once I got it, I wasn't willing to look back. I don't ever again want that feeling of being loved for "me" but my body being something that is merely "fine, it's doesn't bother me... really" or "I like it" but meanwhile all celebrity crushes are under a size 6. I'm not even in the ball park of the ideal, and frankly....

It's not good enough for me.


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## RedVelvet (Nov 19, 2007)

Littleghost said:


> Ack. But what if we were "saving ourselves" for you?




A mistake.

Really.

Get out there in the world and get some experience. 


Just my opinion...but unless its for strict moral or religious grounds..you have nothing to lose but your awkwardness and ineptitude.

(Not that I am saying you are either of those two things...)



Why anyone would want 72 virgins is beyond me.....oh boy....72 people who dont know what the fuck they are doing....yay.....unless, of course....its to keep them from comparing someone's OWN ineptitude to someone with the mad skilz..


See?...you dont want to be THAT guy.


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## superodalisque (Nov 19, 2007)

flipflopbaby said:


> I don't know that I can answer this question because I can't say I've ever been in a serious romantic relationship with a true admirer.
> 
> I have been in a serious relationship with someone that I think may have really liked large women but was afraid to admit it, and with someone that loved me for my inner beauty. While that's nice, I think it would be great to be with a man that was proud of me, showed it, and told me I was beautiful, _inside and out_.
> 
> ...



the magic words here--""if I thought a man was excited by all my curves and rolls, and not just tolerating it because he loved me..."

why would you think your body was only being tolerated ? especially if a man was making love to you or wanted too? if a non -FA is tenative in the beginning it may just be because he hasn't had the experience before.
and doesn't quite know what to do yet.

some men both FAs and non FAs never really tell you how desireable you are. they think it either gives a woman too much power in a relationship or it may turn her off.

here again be sure to distinguish between words and deeds. having something said to you doesn't make it so. a guy can whisper a lot of sweet nothings one minute and stand you up for another woman the next. go for deeds over words every time. does he actually treat you with affecction. when he makes love to you is he making love or just having sex with an interchangeable partner?

i thing these things can be the same for FAs and non FAs so don't fall into the stereotype trap.


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## Littleghost (Nov 19, 2007)

GroovaliciousGoddess said:


> It's a because of or despite of argument isn't it?
> 
> Does a guy like you BECAUSE you are fat, or DESPITE you being fat (or skinny, or disabled)?
> 
> ...


 I know those situations are out there, but I'd like to believe there's a third option. Maybe I'm just naive, but can't we like someone for both???

I haven't dated much because while it'd be theoretically fun to date just any old BBW, the last date that I had wasn't. We had little to nothing to talk about and while I could have dragged it on, why bother??? Maybe it's just one more thing to add to my 'exception to the rule' list but I really feel like I'd be wasting my time if either physical or personal attraction were left out. I guess I just don't have that much patience when I've got low hopes.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Nov 19, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> A mistake.
> 
> Really.
> 
> ...



hahahaha .. I adore you.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 19, 2007)

Ashley said:


> A non-FA adoring my body is much different than an FA adoring my body. And I'm speaking purely from my own personal experiences. There's a difference for me.




Exactly.... I thought the non-FAs were wonderful experiences until I was with an FA. The non-FAs were fine, nothing "wrong", but that missing block... that I didn't even know was missing? Once it was filled in... that was it... no going back. That's the rub... once you know about "it"... you always know when it's missing.


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## RedVelvet (Nov 19, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> Exactly.... I thought the non-FAs were wonderful experiences until I was with an FA. The non-FAs were fine, nothing "wrong", but that missing block... that I didn't even know was missing? Once it was filled in... that was it... no going back. That's the rub... once you know about "it"... you always know when it's missing.



EXACTLY! I mean..the non FA's might adore you, sure, and certainly are aroused by you...and can certainly be very into you.....but man, there IS a difference.

And its big.


Being beautiful to someone is fun. Being their ideal? A revelation.


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## superodalisque (Nov 19, 2007)

Ashley said:


> A non-FA adoring my body is much different than an FA adoring my body. And I'm speaking purely from my own personal experiences. There's a difference for me.



i can understand that there can be a difference for you. it depends on what exactly your looking for and everyone is different. all i'm saying is that i haven't found a profound difference when it comes to an FA or a non FA lover. i approach either the same and maybe thats why i get the same reaction--i don't know. i think most of it depends on the people involved and their comfort level with each other and their own bodies.

and here i also notice that a lot of dating talk ends up being about sex. its true that sex is important, but its not the entire relationship (assuming thats what you are looking for) and sex with someone who doesn't truly care about you and respect you can't carry the relatonship even if its the best sex you've ever had. i think a lot of people have break-ups and divorces etc... because they don't understand that you can have great sex with someone who is really bad for you.


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## Ash (Nov 19, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> Exactly.... I thought the non-FAs were wonderful experiences until I was with an FA. The non-FAs were fine, nothing "wrong", but that missing block... that I didn't even know was missing? Once it was filled in... that was it... no going back. That's the rub... once you know about "it"... you always know when it's missing.



Yes! Exactly.


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## Littleghost (Nov 19, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> A mistake.
> 
> Really.
> 
> ...



Now it's official. I can trip over my feet both physically and verbally.


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## flipflopbaby (Nov 19, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> but meanwhile all celebrity crushes are under a size 6. I'm not even in the ball park of the ideal, and frankly....It's not good enough for me.



Thank you. That is it exactly. My former boyfriend opened his laptop one day and whose picture was on his desktop? Jessica Alba in a bikini. Stupendous. :doh: If that's his ideal, frankly I am a long way from it. I don't want to wonder if I'm always being compared to that. 

To his credit there was a picture of me taped to the dashboard of his Mustang for a few months, but you understand what I'm saying. It's not that I don't believe a non-FA could adore me, just that from what I have read about admirers they offer a little something more that I'd like to experience. 

~ Mary


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## RedVelvet (Nov 19, 2007)

Littleghost said:


> Now it's official. I can trip over my feet both physically and verbally.





Yes, but you are awfully sweet. And you have a Hobbes avatar.


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## flipflopbaby (Nov 19, 2007)

superodalisque said:


> the magic words here--""if I thought a man was eexcited by all my curves and roll, and not just tolerating it because he loved me."
> 
> why would you think your body was only being tolerated ? especially if a man was making love to you or wanted too? if a non -FA is tenative in the beginning it may just be because he hasn't had the experience before.
> and doesn't quite know what to do yet.
> ...



Thanks for this. I'll have to think about that because you posed a good question. The boyfriend I'm referring to in this was the boyfriend that constantly oggled and complimented thin women in my presence, so he gave me the impression that was his ideal. Then he again, he was making love to me and carried around my picture. Perhaps he just wasn't a guy that complimented the people he cared about often, or maybe was inexperienced, or maybe he was trying to figure out what he wanted, or fit in. And maybe I was just a little insecure about it all. 

I don't know, but the question you posed is indeed one I need to ask myself. :bow:

~ Mary


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## Dhaunae (Nov 19, 2007)

I've never been with an FA so I have no idea what that would be like. I've been with men who didn't mind my weight and I know that my ex husband loved me and liked bigger women, but during our time together there was no point where he made me feel beautiful or desired. 

While I may not be the most attractive person out there, I guess a part of me wants to hear that I am beautiful in the eyes of the person I am with more than once in an eight year period. Of course, he did say my looks didn't matter but I guess I want a man whose breath was swept away when he looked at me and he was proud to have me on his arm... Not just because of how I may look, but because of everything about me. 

Would that come more from an FA or just from someone who truly loved you? There is more to me than the weight I carry around on my body and I want to be desired for all of it. *sighs wistfully*


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## SoVerySoft (Nov 19, 2007)

Littleghost said:


> Ack. But what if we were "saving ourselves" for you?



I said it's important, not etched in stone. There is wiggle room. I mean...room for negotiation


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## Sweet_Serenade (Nov 19, 2007)

Settling is for quiters. haha
As said many times in this thread already, you might as well aim as high as you can.
You deserve somebody who not only adores who you are, but it makes such a difference if they love your body how it is. (Or bigger)
It's not superficial to me, it's just self respect.
Everyone deserves a person who loves as much about them as possible.
At the same time, it's a two way street.
You don't want to be with somebody that loves you just for your body or you gaining weight.
That'll fall apart real quick.
It's best to just seek what you deserve.
Someone who loves you! As much of you as possible. The more you have in common, the better. 

I'm still not entirely sure if my special someone could be classified as a FA. We've never really talked about the subject, though I intend to bring it up soon. There also hasn't been any comnplaints about me getting so much larger than when we first met or me picking up my eating again lately. So that's a good sign.


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## superodalisque (Nov 19, 2007)

flipflopbaby said:


> Thank you. That is it exactly. My former boyfriend opened his laptop one day and whose picture was on his desktop? Jessica Alba in a bikini. Stupendous. :doh: If that's his ideal, frankly I am a long way from it. I don't want to wonder if I'm always being compared to that.
> 
> To his credit there was a picture of me taped to the dashboard of his Mustang for a few months, but you understand what I'm saying. It's not that I don't believe a non-FA could adore me, just that from what I have read about admirers they offer a little something more that I'd like to experience.
> 
> ~ Mary



don't get caught up in a man's ideal. he won't really know who rocks his world until he meets her. don't get caught up in comparing yourself to other women. its a mistake. you are unique. and you are likely to lose anyway because you build up the idea of other women in your head and generally most women don't give themselves enough credit. maybe part of the reason he idealizes jessica alba is because she might express the confidence in herself as a woman that you might not have yet--and that he really wishes you had.

even women have an ideal. and even we sometimes meet people who have nothing to do with that but something happens that is truly unexpected and waaay outside of our ideas about what pleasure can be. i can't tell you how many times i've met women who are so crazy about their guy you would think she was dating brad pit or george clooney or something (if that doesn't float your boat insert your own ideal here). you meet him and he is this perfectly ordinary guy--or maybe subordinary in some people's opinions.

also it isn't an either or question. you aren't settling if you meet an FA or a non-FA who you feel right with. neither group has the master key for that. just don't limit yourself out of fear. limitations=bad experiences=good


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## Suze (Nov 19, 2007)

short answer: No.

(but I guess some of the guys I've been with have _become_ FAs. *cheesy grin*)


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## Tina (Nov 19, 2007)

To me, experience is not all-important, as long as the guy is willing to take instruction. Frankly, I would rather have a less experienced guy who is willing to please and take direction without being offended than a more experienced guy who thinks he knows it all, but ignores direction in favor of doing what _he_ thinks works best. Screw that.

Now, FAs. Were I not married or in a committed relationship, I would say that if the right things were in place, it wouldn't be absolutely necessary the guy be an FA. BUT I really do prefer it. And not just that he be an FA, but that he be self-aware when it comes to his preferences and also a knowledgeable FA -- knowledgeable about the obstacles we face, about seating arrangements, about not parking us a mile away from where we need to go, about not expecting us to climb a whole bunch of stairs without needing to rest, etc. I love being with a man who is all of those things. I don't want to have to explain why I cannot haul my fat ass up a hundred stairs, or fit into a standard theater seat without vaseline and a crowbar, or a million other things that are just part of the daily life of an SSBBW with some mobility limitations (and let's face it, once we're a bit older, there will be limitations once beyond a certain weight).

For all those reasons and more, I really do prefer an aware FA.


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## Littleghost (Nov 19, 2007)

Tina said:


> To me, experience is not all-important, as long as the guy is willing to take instruction. Frankly, I would rather have a less experienced guy who is willing to please and take direction without being offended than a more experienced guy who thinks he knows it all, but ignores direction in favor of doing what _he_ thinks works best. Screw that.
> 
> Now, FAs. Were I not married or in a committed relationship, I would say that if the right things were in place, it wouldn't be absolutely necessary the guy be an FA. BUT I really do prefer it. And not just that he be an FA, but that he be self-aware when it comes to his preferences and also a knowledgeable FA -- knowledgeable about the obstacles we face, about seating arrangements, about not parking us a mile away from where we need to go, about not expecting us to climb a whole bunch of stairs without needing to rest, etc. I love being with a man who is all of those things. I don't want to have to explain why I cannot haul my fat ass up a hundred stairs, or fit into a standard theater seat without vaseline and a crowbar, or a million other things that are just part of the daily life of an SSBBW with some mobility limitations (and let's face it, once we're a bit older, there will be limitations once beyond a certain weight).
> 
> For all those reasons and more, I really do prefer an aware FA.



::sits down with notepad and pen at the ready::

Seriously though, I wish more people had your attitude.


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## k1009 (Nov 19, 2007)

I don't think I'm really the FA attracting type. They seem to like bellies, of which I have a very small one that doesn't do the hang or, you know, the good belly stuff. I'm probably generalising too (which doesn't help) but looking at the weight bored it seems more supersized oriented. Maybe there are FAs who prefer mid/small size fat chicks who are taller than them and have no tummy? If I were short and my weight was distributed differently, maybe.

Never been with an FA but I think I like the type of guys I date, the ones who like all ladies. I mean, personally, I'm not really into "bodies" in that I... well, I react to them in the ways described here, you know? I like faces, I like minds, a hot body is a hot body if it's squishy or toned or even stick like, but it's just a body. So I'd feel a bit strange having a partner totally into my body if I wasn't willing to reciprocate. Oh, that doesn't mean I'm a cold fishy, just the opposite, but body love? Might explain why I can look at a hot body sans a nice face and think "eh, whatever".

To summarise, I like it all, I want someone who likes it all. If I had a boyfriend into only fat girls how would we perve on the thin girls together? A great deal would be missing from our relationship.


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## superodalisque (Nov 19, 2007)

susieQ said:


> short answer: No.
> 
> (but I guess some of the guys I've been with have _become_ FAs. *cheesy grin*)



EXACTLY!!!!


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## Sweet_Serenade (Nov 19, 2007)

superodalisque said:


> don't get caught up in a man's ideal. he won't really know who rocks his world until he meets her. don't get caught up in comparing yourself to other women. its a mistake. you are unique. and you are likely to lose anyway because you build up the idea of other women in your head and generally most women don't give themselves enough credit. maybe part of the reason he idealizes jessica alba is because she might express the confidence in herself as a woman that you might not have yet--and that he really wishes you had.
> 
> even women have an ideal. and even we sometimes meet people who have nothing to do with that but something happens that is truly unexpected and waaay outside of our ideas about what pleasure can be. i can't tell you how many times i've met women who are so crazy about their guy you would think she was dating brad pit or george clooney or something (if that doesn't float your boat insert your own ideal here). you meet him and he is this perfectly ordinary guy--or maybe subordinary in some people's opinions.
> 
> also it isn't an either or question. you aren't settling if you meet an FA or a non-FA who you feel right with. neither group has the master key for that. just don't limit yourself out of fear. limitations=bad experiences=good



In a way I agree. Really shouldn't of said "settling." 
I'm getting a bit of an attitude on me. :doh:

Obviously everyone is an individual, their own standards and needs. Me personally, I'd like someone aware and supportive like Tina described. It's just my needs and what I truly desire out of somebody I'd like to share my life with. Your ideas may vary. That's fine and dandy.

There really is no right answer to this question because people differ. Not every person, big or not, shares the same needs and desires.


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## SoVerySoft (Nov 19, 2007)

Tina said:


> ... knowledgeable about the obstacles we face, about seating arrangements, about not parking us a mile away from where we need to go, about not expecting us to climb a whole bunch of stairs without needing to rest, etc. I love being with a man who is all of those things. I don't want to have to explain why I cannot haul my fat ass up a hundred stairs, or fit into a standard theater seat without vaseline and a crowbar, or a million other things that are just part of the daily life of an SSBBW with some mobility limitations...



That's what I meant by an FA with SSBBW experience....


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## superodalisque (Nov 19, 2007)

Sweet_Serenade said:


> In a way I agree. Really shouldn't of said "settling."
> I'm getting a bit of an attitude on me. :doh:
> 
> Obviously everyone is an individual, their own standards and needs. Me personally, I'd like someone aware and supportive like Tina described. It's just my needs and what I truly desire out of somebody I'd like to share my life with. Your ideas may vary. That's fine and dandy.
> ...



yes, exactly! thats why its great to have all of our options open


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## superodalisque (Nov 19, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> That's what I meant by an FA with SSBBW experience....



yes, i can understand that being a concern. its a very valid point. a lot of people don't feel like having to explain their wishes and needs all of the time. but, i kind of worried about that idea. i have met guys who knew all about that and they were the biggest idiots and assholes i've ever seen. it might be easier to show someone what kind of concerns you have than to change their character. and before you say it lol, i know there are some guys who are aware FAs who aren't assholes

besides what if you met your soulmate and he was not an FA? would you pass him up?


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## Ash (Nov 19, 2007)

I think that, to be my soulmate, he'd have to be an FA. It's one of my required qualifications for any guy hoping to achieve soulmate status. 

Seriously, though, any guy who is my romantic soulmate is already an FA. Because being fat (in mind and body) is that much a part of me.


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## sweet&fat (Nov 19, 2007)

Thanks for all of your insights, everyone!

It's not that I think I would be settling for someone who isn't an FA- I want the whole emotional, intellectual, physical package! I've found it difficult to negotiate the fact that there is a big difference between being with a man who is and isn't, but I'm glad to hear that there is a gray area. Obviously I need more info where this guy is concerned... hope the research is fun!


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## superodalisque (Nov 19, 2007)

Ashley said:


> I think that, to be my soulmate, he'd have to be an FA. It's one of my required qualifications for any guy hoping to achieve soulmate status.
> 
> Seriously, though, any guy who is my romantic soulmate is already an FA. Because being fat (in mind and body) is that much a part of me.



i understand and respect that, but is being fat ALL of you. if it is that might limit you somewhat. what i'm saying is that all of the beautiful fat people here, like you, should make sure they don't neglect being human in the face of being fat.


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## Ash (Nov 19, 2007)

Fat is in no way ALL of me. But it is a pretty obvious, glaring part. And it matters. Just like my brain and my personality and my soul (if you believe in that sort of thing) do.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 19, 2007)

Ashley said:


> Fat is in no way ALL of me. But it is a pretty obvious, glaring part. And it matters. Just like my brain and my personality and my soul (if you believe in that sort of thing) do.



I think we've made it really clear it's not all of us, but needs to be a component of our relationship for us to be happy with a guy... this is an agree to disagree situation. 

I feel strongly about things I want/need in my relationship, and others don't have the same requirements... simple as that. More FAs in the pool for those who want them!


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## Raider X (Nov 19, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> Here's something I've been pondering lately. To my fellow BBWs/BHMs who are dating, does a man/woman need to be an FA for you to consider him/her? I'm certainly looking for the whole package, but it's just insanely wonderful to be with someone who is wise enough to be attracted to you and your lovely, big, curvy body! I don't want to make everything about my fat (or at least I don't think I do), but recently I met a guy who wants to date me and proclaims that he doesn't care about body type because he's more about personality. I have to admit, even though I like him, there's a little voice inside me that says that I'm too beautiful to settle for an "inner beauty trumps all" mentality! lol! Am I being shallow?



I don't think you're shallow either... It has to be the whole package, warts and all! Sometimes it's not what they say, it's what they do! Character's important to me and I know that she doesn't have to be a BBW for me to like her... Chemistry's very important as well as common interests, too!


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## Observer (Nov 19, 2007)

Some decades ago I had occasion to deal with size and other issues as part of a rather large singles group of nearly 400 persons. Based on that experience can I suggest that while encountering and being with a FA is certainly nice for a BBW, its not a requirement for a truly loving and successful relationship.

There are different levels of men:

1) Those who pay attention to weight and are fatophobic - they're bigots and forget trying to change them. Fortunately this is a small group - maybe 10% at the most.

2) Those who are simply trapped into being part of society's opinion game - they really do worry about weight issues because they have to but are too polite to ever admit it. They can change their ideas about the need for others to change, and for the right woman have. Its possible but don't hold your breath. This group is perhaps 20% at most.

3) Guys for whom size has genuinely never been a real issue. They find beauty and attraction in personality, mutual interests, etc. and can wind up involved with anyone who really reaches their inner psyche. Sue's hubby is a good example and frankly I think most men, probably 60%, are in this category.

4) Guys with a genuine hardwired preference for BBWs. They like what they see, don't want to hear complaints about weight and the need to diet. For them to be involved with a non-BBW is an act of conscious will - if you love someone you do it and keep your dreams (or memories if its a spouse who had to lose for health reasons in later life)to yourself.​
I'd like to say category #4 is fully 10% but it should be with an asterisk. Many of those with a genuine "preference" for larger women were in my experience usually thinking size 16-18 or 20-24, not what we here call SSBBWs. Of course in those days we didn't happen to have any SSBBWs in the group so maybe there were those I wasn't not aware of.

What I do know was that I wasn't the only one who openly preferred dating our larger young ladies. There were also those who played the field more widely - and some very good relationships developed that were totally size non-dependent.

The key to success? Communication. The woman (or man in a BHM situation) needs to know that they are desired - whether as part of a total package (#3) or for their size as a primary factor (#4). All women are not the same, but honesty is important. It depends on what they want. 

Most ladies I believe would prefer #3 because it gives them latitude to gain or lose without risking the relationship down the road - but I can understand the view of those in #4 as well. Frankly even most FA's who know they are wired as #4 types feel that they should try to be #3 types. I struggled with that issue myself in vain for years.


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## Tina (Nov 19, 2007)

Littleghost said:


> ::sits down with notepad and pen at the ready::
> 
> Seriously though, I wish more people had your attitude.


Thank you, Littleghost.


SoVerySoft said:


> That's what I meant by an FA with SSBBW experience....


Right on, sista! It really does make a difference.


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## AppreSheAte (Nov 19, 2007)

all my life i thought i was attracted to a variety of women - sizes, shapes, personalities, and even that stimulated my interest in various activities. underlying it all has been a continuous fascination or attraction to fat. i can't deny it, i find it too erotic and too much of a sensual aspect to ignore no matter who i am with. 

i don't know if someone can ever be totally satisfied if they are not with someone that physically totally lights their inner most burning desires. there is obviously much more to a relationship and a person than their fatness, or lack thereof, but innate personal animal magnetism should not be ignored in my opinion. 

give any relationship time, but don't ignore what is important to you, or to your partner. perhaps a difference can be overcome, but take your time to find out. best of all explore relationships to see for yourself how the dynamic of a relationship works. i'd never want or think you should give up your sensuality, no matter how good the other aspects.

good luck.


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## Emma (Nov 20, 2007)

I would only ever date FAs. I wouldn't feel sexually comfortable with someone who wasn't. Luckily I've never really had a problem finding them. I have been with some that just wanted me for my body, but hell that can be fun too and I can't say I haven't used FAs for casual sex when I was single because I have. I'm living with one now and it's great, especially when he brings me chocolate  

Fat admirers are just like "normal" guys. Some will sleep with you because they think you're hot and just want sex, some will want a relationship. We have to deal with the exact same thing as "normal" sized girls when we deal with FA.


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## GoddessNoir (Nov 20, 2007)

Em is right.

The thing I've noticed with guys is this, usually, I've dated men who liked bigger women but certain aspects, the booty, the boobies, the hips, the legs but not necesarrily the "bad" parts, the belly the side rolls, the upper arms. 

The first time I dated a man who was a professed FA, he made me really check myself. The first time we REALLY kissed and he grabbed my back fat and carressed it, loved it, held on to it, it was a bit of a shock  "What in the WORLD is this brother doing!?" 

However, admittedly, he made me feel a lot more comfortable with who I was, made me think about my definition of beauty, my acceptance of the "bad" parts of being a fat chick as well as the "good" parts. Over the years, I've come to enjoy being with a FA a bit more than a guy who "likes beauty in whatever package" or "likes you for the person you are".

The first time my current beau and I hugged and he squeezed that little roll between my bra and my baum, I squealed to myself. The first time he rubbed my belly while we were watching television, we both smiled at one another in this sly, tell all kind of way. The first time he rubbed my 24 inch calves and claimed them magnificent, I knew he would be a keeper.

Believe me, there is nothing quite like being loved and appreciated ALL over.


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## PolarKat (Nov 20, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> Here's something I've been pondering lately. To my fellow BBWs/BHMs who are dating, does a man/woman need to be an FA for you to consider him/her?



Well, if FFA was a criteria.. then dating wouldn't be an option. I've never met one in real life yet, and I've only seen around 10 so far in this place, most married. 
But on the same token I don't consider myself an FA in the sense that's used here. What I find physically attractive isn't weight dependant.. being as such there are thin and large women, that I find very attactive, and my dating history reflects it. Mind and personality also play quite high on list, probably equally.. if __insert goddess here__ was as bright as a black hole, then I would just turn and walk away.. If there weren't any of the physical traits, then I wouldn't have ever approached. He might have similar preference that also isn't weight related.. he might even be an FA.. some people like beauty marks.. some hate them, some don't even notice they're there..

This "hardcore" FA thing also scares me. Using an analogy, say someone was a "Twenties admirer" they only found women/men in their 20's attractive, and that was the deal breaker. What happens on your 30th birthday? You got a great personality, but sorry too many wrinkles..

I understand the appeal to the F/FA mate idea. I've never dated one. I've only dated "typical" women. I've been there having to keep the charsima stats at overload, and going above and beyond at all times, as compared to my thinner counterparts. I understand that having a go at it without having to put on the facade would be great.. but if I wait on an FFA to magically appear with a shirt labeled "This Fat to ride".. I might as well join the priesthood.. not to mention I might pass up someone who might be both mentally and physically attracted to me in some way other than weight related.. because they left their sexual preference T-shirt at home that day..


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## ashmamma84 (Nov 20, 2007)

Another thing...maybe it's just that I don't get caught up in labels and it could be that because I am a smaller bbw and don't really have that many restrictions on what I can and can't do (with the exception of walking without having a break)...the issues that other women have brought up, never really come into play with my relationship. However, knowing Babe and how supportive and attentive she is, I don't think we will have an issue, if perchance I need special accomodation. Babe likes curvy and plus size women...but I don't really think being an FFA is on her radar and that's okay with me. We are solid and we love and respect each other, so I could give less than an iota if there's a label put on what she is. In fact, when we were just friends, she had told me that she prefered bigger women...and she could back it up; her ex is a big girl. But I don't know that I would have automatically written her off if the ex would have been a size 10. 

Even in relationships with FA's, just because he/she prefers larger women doesn't mean they know how to care for one. Sometimes we need to teach our partner things about us...and that includes the person who has experience with fat women. What worked for one woman might not work for the next...


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## EtobicokeFA (Nov 20, 2007)

I am glad that we FAs are appreciated! However, the big problem we might not know how to treat a SSBBW, just because we don't have the experience. 

Only from dating SSBBWs do we get the knowledge and understanding of how to care for one. So, if he/she is new to it, please be understanding.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 20, 2007)

ashmamma84 said:


> Another thing...maybe it's just that I don't get caught up in labels and it could be that because I am a smaller bbw and don't really have that many restrictions on what I can and can't do (with the exception of walking without having a break)...the issues that other women have brought up, never really come into play with my relationship. However, knowing Babe and how supportive and attentive she is, I don't think we will have an issue, if perchance I need special accomodation. Babe likes curvy and plus size women...but I don't really think being an FFA is on her radar and that's okay with me. We are solid and we love and respect each other, so I could give less than an iota if there's a label put on what she is. In fact, when we were just friends, she had told me that she prefered bigger women...and she could back it up; her ex is a big girl. But I don't know that I would have automatically written her off if the ex would have been a size 10.
> 
> Even in relationships with FA's, just because he/she prefers larger women doesn't mean they know how to care for one. Sometimes we need to teach our partner things about us...and that includes the person who has experience with fat women. What worked for one woman might not work for the next...




Beautiful post :bow:

I felt the same about my ex-husband- he liked bigger women- he had dated women even bigger than myself. However, I also knew an ex-girlfriend of his that was considerably smaller/thin. It didn't bother me that he was able to find thin women attractive....I actually found it fascinating that he could like a variety of so many sizes. In my mind, it seems to signify an openness and acceptance of things that I don't see in a lot of people. It was this knowledge of him that was my main attraction to him.....


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## RedVelvet (Nov 20, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Beautiful post :bow:
> 
> I felt the same about my ex-husband- he liked bigger women- he had dated women even bigger than myself. However, I also knew an ex-girlfriend of his that was considerably smaller/thin. It didn't bother me that he was able to find thin women attractive....I actually found it fascinating that he could like a variety of so many sizes. In my mind, it seems to signify an openness and acceptance of things that I don't see in a lot of people. It was this knowledge of him that was my main attraction to him.....



A confession:

Yeah......I understand that perspective. My Long Time guy is not strictly an FA, in spite of my strong preference.......STRONG preference to be with men who are, and I do admire his openness.

Same time.....I am self conscious of my tummy around him still. STILL, after all these years. Its a quiet little feeling.

He adores my butt and my boobs and my legs and my face.....but my tummy....well....he doesnt dislike it or say anything about it...but he also doesn't touch it with anything like delight.....he loves me to death and tells me I am perfect as I am and thinks I am gorgeous..and thats great....but its better with an FA..just is.

Fortunately....the entire rest of the relationship (and himself), of which this is a small part........more than makes up for this.

Still.........tho I know he dont like em skinny....I wish he were an FA. Its the compromise I made in my love for him.....because he was worth it, and because he NEVER, EVER made me feel inferior.

its subtle..but important.


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## Chimpi (Nov 20, 2007)

I think it is wonderful that a lot of women here are geared towards having a requirement of a "Fat Admirer" boyfriend/girlfriend. On that same level, I think it is wonderful that there are people here who are open to non-"Fat Admirers" (so long as they give them what they need - cherishment and love). Quite a lot of virtue comes in realizing who you are and what you truly want (and need). As a man who orientates himself with fat women, I would want my partner to want to be with a "Fat Admirer" more than a non-"Fat Admirer". Where it is wonderful to be with a man who adores your body (and you as a person), it is wonderful to also be cherished because of your love of your partners physical being. At least for me, that helps a great deal in physical and emotional attraction.
As a fat male, I have never really given it too much thought. I am very glad that Erin loves "chubby" guys. I am very glad that she loves my body (even though she does not show nearly the same commitment to my body as I do to hers. hehe). I always stress that I need someone who loves who they are, _inside and out_. It seems also essential that I would want the same thing: Someone who loves me, and someone who finds me desirable. In reference to Jessica Alba being the desktop picture of their boyfriends computer, I would like to be the desktop picture (really, truly be the desktop picture - not just because we are together) on my significant others' desktop. I want to be their Jessica Alba (respectively speaking to that situation).




SoVerySoft said:


> I'll go a step further. I not only require him to be an FA, but he needs to have a preference for SSBBW - and it's important to me that he have experience dating SSBBWs.
> 
> 
> Littleghost said:
> ...



Many guys whom do not have much experience (if any at all) with very large women and know that that is what they want might not settle for getting experience with women whom they know is not "the one", or could possibly be "the one". Where SoVerySoft would like a man with experience, what about the guys who would want SoVerySoft or someone like her (size wise, experience wise, and knows what she wants) that do not have experience?
Many people seem to promote going after what you want; knowing what you want in a partner and a relationship. Said guys might be doing just that and not have the necessary skills at accommodating very large women [yet]. *Shrugs* I suppose as long as someone is open to that would be the beneficial factor for said potential man (or woman).


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## RedVelvet (Nov 20, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> Many guys whom do not have much experience (if any at all) with very large women and know that that is what they want might not settle for getting experience with women whom they know is not "the one", or could possibly be "the one". Where SoVerySoft would like a man with experience, what about the guys who would want SoVerySoft or someone like her (size wise, experience wise, and knows what she wants) that do not have experience?
> Many people seem to promote going after what you want; knowing what you want in a partner and a relationship. Said guys might be doing just that and not have the necessary skills at accommodating very large women [yet]. *Shrugs* I suppose as long as someone is open to that would be the beneficial factor for said potential man (or woman).





I realize its like getting into the Screen Actors Guild.....cant get a job unless in the union...cant get in the union unless they have a job.

I know...hard.....

Of course...emotional intelligence might make up for experience in many ways. Sometimes experience is just the smack in the face the less intuitive of us need.....

Or....maybe you just need to work your way towards it....or find someone who doesnt mind.

When I first got into BDSM........I didnt mind other inexperienced people...now that I am 20 years into it...I will not be teacher to anyone...you just need to find your windows of opportunity, you know?

And just because some people require experience (me)....doesn't mean all do.


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## furious styles (Nov 20, 2007)

In the reverse of this (off topic but might give a lil' insight) I used to think naively that as an FA I could have a solid relationship with a skinny girl, and I was quite mistaken. Without the attraction, so much is lost in the awkwardness and feeling of discontent (and at times, impotence x_x), that even a superb mental and emotional bond can't overcome it. My 2 cents, anyway.


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## SoVerySoft (Nov 20, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> ...Many guys whom do not have much experience (if any at all) with very large women and know that that is what they want might not settle for getting experience with women whom they know is not "the one", or could possibly be "the one". Where SoVerySoft would like a man with experience, what about the guys who would want SoVerySoft or someone like her (size wise, experience wise, and knows what she wants) that do not have experience?...




Those guys have to work a little harder to convince me to consider them, I admit. I mentioned above that I don't require SSBBW experience, but it is important to me. 

The right man can convince me that he longs to get that experience with me. It would be a different dynamic but an appealing one in its own right.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 20, 2007)

superodalisque said:


> personally i don't feel its important that a man you are involved with be an FA. sometimes guys say they don't care what you look like because they think you'll think they are freaky if they say they are an FA. there are a lot of guys who don't even know what an FA is. also there are some guys who actually want a relationship and not just sex, and they don't want that to overtake everything. for the most part a lot of guys won't even approach you if they aren't attracted at all. get used to the fact that if he is having sex with you and likes it he cares.
> 
> i go back and forth over the FA issue as well. i would love to date an FA seriously but i haven't really met any i've felt really comfortable enough with in the past 4 years. to be fair though i have only met them online and at bashes. i'm not sure if those places are really conducive to finding what i have in mind. there is something about playing the bbw version of ellimnidate that i find off-putting.
> 
> ...




Jeez, I wish I could marry you....you are perfect, Felecia  


***After reading this thread, I have decided that you are not only one of the most lovely women I have met, you are also one of the classiest.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 20, 2007)

k1009 said:


> I don't think I'm really the FA attracting type. *They seem to like bellies,* of which I have a very small one that doesn't do the hang or, you know, the good belly stuff. I'm probably generalising too (which doesn't help) but looking at the weight bored it seems more supersized oriented. Maybe there are FAs who prefer mid/small size fat chicks who are taller than them and have no tummy? If I were short and my weight was distributed differently, maybe.




That bolded part amused me......*sayeth the belly girl* 
Actually, it seems better to have a big ass but some of them do seem to have a belly preference...but it's definitely not all. My only saving grace is that I have a big ass (compared to "normal size" arses) to go with my big belly, boobs and mouth 

You know....it seems to be just like it is for me in reality. I might not be the cup of tea for a lot of them...but oh, those that do like me, like me loads


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 20, 2007)

susieQ said:


> short answer: No.
> 
> (but *I guess some of the guys I've been with have become FAs.* *cheesy grin*)




Oh, I hear that....I think my last bf started "moving up" in his size preferences after me - his lady before me was "chubby" while I'm considered a "smaller" BBW in this world. He did start mentioning a desire for big butts and breasts....and I found him looking up BBWs on the net one time after I explained to him there was a whole world of them to be desired. He also frequently told me how much he loved my "jiggle"


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 20, 2007)

superodalisque said:


> don't get caught up in a man's ideal. he won't really know who rocks his world until he meets her. don't get caught up in comparing yourself to other women. its a mistake. you are unique.



Quoted for emphasis.......you are my guru, Felecia :bow:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 20, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> A confession:
> 
> Yeah......I understand that perspective. My Long Time guy is not strictly an FA, in spite of my strong preference.......STRONG preference to be with men who are, and I do admire his openness.
> 
> ...



I totally understand this......it was the same for me with my last bf. He wasn't so much into the belly love. However, as often as I felt like he was probably outright disgusted with my stomach, sometimes he actually did rub it or touch it- when we weren't having sex. It's such a prominent part of me, you can't miss it and when he did touch it off-handedly (pun? ), I took mental note. So yeah, I do get where you're coming from....having ALL parts of you accepted is important in the long haul.....


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## t3h_n00b (Nov 21, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> Here's something I've been pondering lately. To my fellow BBWs/BHMs who are dating, does a man/woman need to be an FA for you to consider him/her? I'm certainly looking for the whole package, but it's just insanely wonderful to be with someone who is wise enough to be attracted to you and your lovely, big, curvy body! I don't want to make everything about my fat (or at least I don't think I do), but recently I met a guy who wants to date me and proclaims that he doesn't care about body type because he's more about personality. I have to admit, even though I like him, there's a little voice inside me that says that I'm too beautiful to settle for an "inner beauty trumps all" mentality! lol! Am I being shallow?



I think you are well within sensibility to want an FA. I personally think the "inner personality trumps all thing" is insulting, like they're really saying "you're ugly and I'm not attracted to you, but I don't care." I think that's bullshit and I think that anyone who falls for that is a gullible fool. Inner personality is the most important thing in a relationship, but it is no substitute for attraction. That's what distinguishes a romantic relationship from a friendship. "Normal" sized women get men that are physically and personally attracted to them all the time. I think that "fat" women should get the same thing. It is satisfying and healthy. That said, I recently (as in the past 2 months) found what an FA is. I've been one for years, but because of social pressures, it wasn't something I felt comfortable embracing. I at this point am happy to have found out what it is, but I would be unsure about bringing it up in conversation even with a "fat" woman. I wouldn't want her to think I have a fetish or something. I'm just a regular guy who experiences a wider range of attraction to women than most. 

PS,
I don't really like the term "fat". I can't see how its not derisive. Plus-sized seems euphemistic and big just isn't a term that is adequate for describing a human being (IMO). What else is there?


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## sweet&fat (Nov 21, 2007)

t3h_n00b said:


> PS, I don't really like the term "fat". I can't see how its not derisive. Plus-sized seems euphemistic and big just isn't a term that is adequate for describing a human being (IMO). What else is there?



I can understand where you're coming from, as many people use fat as an insult. From my point of view, that's what I am- fat- and I'm not ashamed of it. Therefore, the word isn't pejorative at all, but rather more like a recognition or an appreciation of all the plush goodness I have to offer!


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## Littleghost (Nov 21, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> Those guys have to work a little harder to convince me to consider them, I admit. I mentioned above that I don't require SSBBW experience, but it is important to me.
> 
> The right man can convince me that he longs to get that experience with me. It would be a different dynamic but an appealing one in its own right.



Did I make your post infamous? Sorry.


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## elle camino (Nov 21, 2007)

i'll stop just short of saying a guy _must_ be an FA, but then i'll usually go on to say something along the lines of "...but he's got to be particularly, basically exclusively, attracted to fat girls."
so.
yeah it's a must, pretty much. i'm not interested in being some token fat experiment or whatever. 


partially because i just fail to see how a guy could 100% honestly be attracted to my body and be attracted to a skinny woman, equally. it's just night and day, to me. i tend to think it's got to end up as a kind of "well, i _prefer_ this, but i guess i'm open to the idea of that" kind of thing. and that's really not enticing.


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## t3h_n00b (Nov 21, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> I can understand where you're coming from, as many people use fat as an insult. From my point of view, that's what I am- fat- and I'm not ashamed of it. Therefore, the word isn't pejorative at all, but rather more like a recognition or an appreciation of all the plush goodness I have to offer!



I can understand that. I guess its just strange to me because no one would ever call me "muscle" to refer to the rocky flexy hard goodness I have to offer. Thin people are called "skinny" as opposed to "skin" (unless they are called "skin and bones" which is slightly prejorative), people built like me are called "muscular" as opposed to "muscle", but fat people are called just that. All the body types have a distinctive tissue type, but those things are brought up as adjectives. Fat is a noun used as an adjective. That just seems reductionist to me. Like there's nothing else but fat. There's bones, skin, nerves, muscles, eyes, hair, spirits, etc in there. Idk, maybe I'm over-thinking it here


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## Chimpi (Nov 21, 2007)

t3h_n00b said:


> Fat is a noun used as an adjective. That just seems reductionist to me. Like there's nothing else but fat. There's bones, skin, nerves, muscles, eyes, hair, spirits, etc in there. Idk, maybe I'm over-thinking it here



*fat*
_adjective_

Having too much flabby tissue; corpulent; obese: a fat person. (*This definition is pure horse shit*)
plump; well-fed: a good, fat chicken.
consisting of or containing fat; greasy; oily: fat gravy; fat meat.
profitable, as an office: a fat job on the city commission.
affording good opportunities, esp. for gain: a fat business contract.
wealthy; prosperous; rich: He grew fat on dishonest profits.
big, broad, or extended; thick: a fat sheaf of bills.
plentiful; abundant: a fat supply of food.
*And More...*

*Fatty* is also an _adjective_, and most people generally do not like being called "fatty". But, you definitely bring up a good point about the difference between "muscle / muscular". However, I would compare being fat to being tall. Someone is not tallular, or tally, or any variation. They're just tall. 

*NOTE:* I am not following you around to contradict you.


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## altered states (Nov 21, 2007)

Having been in a long relationship, I know that physically things naturally cool over time, probably a good thing, because otherwise no work would get done and the world economy would collapse. However I wouldn't be comfortable in a relationship where there wasn't physical attraction to start with. I don't necessarily mean "love at first sight" (many friendships blossom into romance, of course), but once the romantic connection is made, I believe it's an important part of the bond that's created. I also believe it's something people need on an animal, biological level, and as human beings they deserve it as well for the emotional fulfillment that being physically wanted and needed brings. And I don't necessarily believe it's about finding one's "pin-up" ideal, either (probably more an obsession for men than women). The person I'm involved with is more chunky than BBW, but from the first time I saw her I was intensely attracted to her, in all ways, and as time has passed, different realms of attraction - intellectual, emotional, physical, etc - have influenced the others.


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## RedVelvet (Nov 21, 2007)

t3h_n00b said:


> I at this point am happy to have found out what it is, but I would be unsure about bringing it up in conversation even with a "fat" woman. I wouldn't want her to think I have a fetish or something. I'm just a regular guy who experiences a wider range of attraction to women than most.




I am really liking your posts, smartypants. Thoughtful and smart.

Don't worry so much about a larger woman assuming you have a "fetish" for simply finding her attractive. The ones who would immediately assume that have more problems than you really deserve to deal with.

Why not leave the fat out of it? Why not simply say that you find her beautiful and think she has a lovely figure? Nuff said?

....should she say "oh...you like them big?" or something like that...just say yes...you have luxe tastes.......and just keep it simple.

I wish having a preference for chunky/plump/fat women were just like having a thing for redheads....it really IS that simple, fundamentally. We (humans in general) just load it up with Strum und Drang and make it a deal.

Hence my general misanthropy, but thats another topic altogether.


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## t3h_n00b (Nov 21, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> I am really liking your posts, smartypants. Thoughtful and smart.
> 
> Don't worry so much about a larger woman assuming you have a "fetish" for simply finding her attractive. The ones who would immediately assume that have more problems than you really deserve to deal with.
> 
> ...



Agreed. I especially like what you said about women who can't accept that I am an FA and that I'm attracted to them are more problematic than what they're worth. It was an issue with my current gf in the beginning of our relationship because she couldn't really understand that I find her body attractive because of what I like to do with mine. That and the fact that she learned to be extremely defensive against guys that are after her because they think that since she's fat, she's easy and desperate. So I guess its just the difficulty of presentation for me. Sometimes I guess it can be hard to communicate to a girl that you think she's beautiful and not have her think something is wrong with you when society tells her she's not beautiful constantly.


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## t3h_n00b (Nov 21, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> *fat*
> _adjective_
> 
> Having too much flabby tissue; corpulent; obese: a fat person. (*This definition is pure horse shit*)
> ...



Lol. You got the gist of what I'm saying and that's all that matters. Contradict away.


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## RedVelvet (Nov 21, 2007)

t3h_n00b said:


> Sometimes I guess it can be hard to communicate to a girl that you think is beautiful and not have her think something is wrong with you when society tells her she's not beautiful constantly.




Well..ahem....I wouldn't know, being perfect and stuff...

As long as the altars at my shrines remain lit...I'm cool.


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## superodalisque (Nov 21, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Jeez, I wish I could marry you....you are perfect, Felecia
> 
> 
> ***After reading this thread, I have decided that you are not only one of the most lovely women I have met, you are also one of the classiest.



what Karat do you require my dear? the feeling is mutual honey:smitten::kiss2:


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## superodalisque (Nov 21, 2007)

tres huevos said:


> Having been in a long relationship, I know that physically things naturally cool over time, probably a good thing, because otherwise no work would get done and the world economy would collapse. However I wouldn't be comfortable in a relationship where there wasn't physical attraction to start with. I don't necessarily mean "love at first sight" (many friendships blossom into romance, of course), but once the romantic connection is made, I believe it's an important part of the bond that's created. I also believe it's something people need on an animal, biological level, and as human beings they deserve it as well for the emotional fulfillment that being physically wanted and needed brings. And I don't necessarily believe it's about finding one's "pin-up" ideal, either (probably more an obsession for men than women). The person I'm involved with is more chunky than BBW, but from the first time I saw her I was intensely attracted to her, in all ways, and as time has passed, different realms of attraction - intellectual, emotional, physical, etc - have influenced the others.




here still is the assumption that people who wouldn't call themselves FAs aren't attracted. it only means fat is not his particular erotic focus. it doesn't mean that a guy can't be highly physically attracted to a woman who happens to be a bbw. sans FA does not = sans attraction.


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## sweet&fat (Nov 24, 2007)

A general question: for those of you who are not with FAs, are you truly comfortable eating what you want when you want? Has it ever been an issue, and if so, how did you address it? I have no tolerance for the "maybe you shouldn't be eating that" glance and the like, but I'm curious to hear others' opinions/experiences. At this point, this is pretty much just prophylactic worrying, but nonetheless...


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## superodalisque (Nov 24, 2007)

no i haven't had that problem. maybe because i have control issues anyway. it doesn't matter to me in this way if a guy is a non-FA or a feeder. if a guy tries to manage me in any way, including controling my weight, i wouldn't respond well. i like men who treat me as though i'm competent enough to manage my own diet etc...and face whatever consequences come. also i tend to be more of a grazer than a stuffer so you wouldn't get many magnificent eating sessions with me anyway. somebody would have to catch me especially hungry for that. but i know a lot of thin people who could eat anyone under the table. 

also that question assumes that a non-FA really thinks thinner and better. some non FAs would never say anything about how much you are eating--unless you have already discussed how you are displeased with your own body. its natural for a guy who cares for you to try and help a girl who hates her body so much that she doesn't want him to see it and doesn't quite enjoy sex because she has a negative body issue. its part of the fix it thing that couples go through. we want to vent but we don't necessarily want our partner to try and fix it. 

a lot of non FAs really like dating a fat woman who can eat. they, like FAs, can also find it liberating. i've even found some of them saying that they think its sexy when a woman is not dieting and obsessing and can enjoy a meal with him. i don't think its only FAs who relate the ability to experience the pleasure of food and experiencing sexual pleasure. i know a lot of non FAs who make the erotic connection. i think the confidence a woman has in experiencing pleasure is very erotic to most men. many guys who have come to FAdom late come to it for this very reason. they weren't born that way but had the exposure and it touched a chord.

this discussion makes me really wonder what an FA is. do you really have to like fat women exclusively? do you have to know the definintion? do you have to formally declare yourself? should you be attracted to ssbbws? if its just the ability to find fat women sexy then the number is a lot more than the 10% reported in the Kinsey report. i think i'll start a thread because i'm really curious to know what everybody thinks.


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## sweet&fat (Nov 24, 2007)

Thanks, SO- your comments are very insightful.


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## Tina (Nov 24, 2007)

You're right, it doesn't. But it does mean that he's likely not really knowledgeable when it comes to treating a fat woman right, and not putting her in situations that might humiliate her. Does that mean he shouldn't be considered, or that his attraction is invalid? No. But it's that knowledge that many of us find attractive, and that some find necessary. Different strokes and all.


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## goofy girl (Nov 24, 2007)

is an FA a must?? Not at all. Just a person that makes you feel like a million dollars.


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## t3h_n00b (Nov 24, 2007)

Well, this thread begs the question: What exactly is an FA anyways? To me, it seems that it would be anyone who finds fat people attractive (dependent on sexual orientation of course). Does that mean that it pertains to people who ONLY find fat people attractive? Perhaps it is as goofy girl says, FA's are not necessary in favor of those who make you feel like a million bucks. But wouldn't any man who was physically attracted to a fat woman be an FA, even if he's not principally attracted to them? I'm not trying to be rhetorical here, I would like better clarification on the term and its meaning.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 24, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> A general question:* for those of you who are not with FAs, are you truly comfortable eating what you want when you want? Has it ever been an issue, and if so, how did you address it? *I have no tolerance for the "maybe you shouldn't be eating that" glance and the like, but I'm curious to hear others' opinions/experiences. At this point, this is pretty much just prophylactic worrying, but nonetheless...



It is something that concerns me as well, Sweet. Matter of fact, it's a requirement across the board that any man I date/am with knows to stfu about my eating and weight. Any guy like that usually doesn't ask fat girls out, does he? What would be the point unless he's some control freak type that thinks he will "help" or "save" you. My father actually told me once that he helped me by mocking me and putting me down constantly over my weight.....oh boy, no man has tried to "help" me like that since......
If it's a guy that prefers thin ladies, then he needs to go find one.....if he likes my goodies, then he will have to know tact, manners and know how to show appreciation 

*Personally, the catty remarks in my adult life seem to have come from women, to be honest. Any man that called me fat as an intended insult usually only did so after some type of rejection  *shrugs*


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## Oaksearcher (Nov 24, 2007)

t3h_n00b said:


> Well, this thread begs the question: What exactly is an FA anyways? To me, it seems that it would be anyone who finds fat people attractive (dependent on sexual orientation of course). Does that mean that it pertains to people who ONLY find fat people attractive? Perhaps it is as goofy girl says, FA's are not necessary in favor of those who make you feel like a million bucks. But wouldn't any man who was physically attracted to a fat woman be an FA, even if he's not principally attracted to them? I'm not trying to be rhetorical here, I would like better clarification on the term and its meaning.



I admit I'm quite new and inexperienced in this area, but I would like to suggest that the definition of the term FA does not pertain to someone who finds only fat people attractive, but more attractive on an instinctual level. Of course, I could be completely wrong as well.


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## Outsidethebox (Nov 27, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> A general question: for those of you who are not with FAs, are you truly comfortable eating what you want when you want? Has it ever been an issue, and if so, how did you address it? I have no tolerance for the "maybe you shouldn't be eating that" glance and the like, but I'm curious to hear others' opinions/experiences. At this point, this is pretty much just prophylactic worrying, but nonetheless...



Well, my boyfriend is by no means an FA. As a matter of fact, 2 years ago when we met he said that he would want to date me, if it weren't for my size (and at the time I was losing weight. We have now been dating for over a year, and we are very much in love. I have gained back almost all the weight that I lost 2 years ago (about 50 lbs was lost, 40 is back) much to my dismay. My boyfriend never talked shit about, and doesn't say anything. He does get upset with me though when I won't explain to him why it's upsetting, but he'd be more upset if I told him what I used to do to be thinner (he's naturally a twig, he won't understand). Anyway, even as I've gotten fatter he tends to fondle my fatty bits. He seems to love rubbing my stomach when we cuddle, and fondling my thighs (gah! huge!) And he gets turned on by me when I feel like a hippo.

His being around does often curb my eating a good bit. He won't say anything, but I don't want him thinking anything negative either.

So, he's not an FA. The thing I wonder about is this: Did I trip some switch that he now doesn't mind fat? Or maybe like it? Or maybe it's just any flesh that he likes? Or maybe it's because true love is blind?


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## LoveBHMS (Nov 27, 2007)

Outsidethebox said:


> Well, my boyfriend is by no means an FA. As a matter of fact, 2 years ago when we met he said that he would want to date me, if it weren't for my size (and at the time I was losing weight. We have now been dating for over a year, and we are very much in love. I have gained back almost all the weight that I lost 2 years ago (about 50 lbs was lost, 40 is back) much to my dismay. My boyfriend never talked shit about, and doesn't say anything. He does get upset with me though when I won't explain to him why it's upsetting, but he'd be more upset if I told him what I used to do to be thinner (he's naturally a twig, he won't understand). Anyway, even as I've gotten fatter he tends to fondle my fatty bits. He seems to love rubbing my stomach when we cuddle, and fondling my thighs (gah! huge!) And he gets turned on by me when I feel like a hippo.
> 
> His being around does often curb my eating a good bit. He won't say anything, but I don't want him thinking anything negative either.
> 
> So, he's not an FA. The thing I wonder about is this: Did I trip some switch that he now doesn't mind fat? Or maybe like it? Or maybe it's just any flesh that he likes? Or maybe it's because true love is blind?



From your description this is not a case of love being blind, since you've said he likes your body and enjoys watching you eat. So it's not as if he overlooks your size or eating habits.

I'm going through something similar in the reverse because i'm seeing somebody who's very thin. We met and had great chemistry, so even though he was not my usual type, I didn't care. However as we've spent more and more time together, I've found myself not saying "Oh, he's skinny but it's ok cause he's a great guy" but rather learning to enjoy and appreciate his body. I like watching him work out, I like watching his muscles, I like touching his body and seeing the definition. I like watching how easily he moves because he's so lithe. All this does not mean either that I've stopped checking out fat guys or that I've been converted to the charms of skinny men, but rather than I've learned to appreciate what he is.


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## Tooz (Nov 27, 2007)

Have I posted here? I don't remember, but I don't think so.

Yup, has to be an FA to be considered, simply put.


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## Tina (Nov 27, 2007)

Just had to tell you, Tooz, your post cracks me up. I do the same thing, wondering if I've posted in a thread. I also sometimes think I've sent answering emails and PMs when all I've done is answered it in my head, but haven't actually written it out and sent it.

Short and sweet, though. I've missed seeing you around as much. I hope you're well and happy.


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## Tooz (Nov 27, 2007)

Tina said:


> Just had to tell you, Tooz, your post cracks me up. I do the same thing, wondering if I've posted in a thread. I also sometimes think I've sent answering emails and PMs when all I've done is answered it in my head, but haven't actually written it out and sent it.
> 
> Short and sweet, though. I've missed seeing you around as much. I hope you're well and happy.



Hey, thanks, Tina. 
As for the forgetting thing, I've inadvertently posted the same response in one thread more than once. I'm so ashamed! Haha.

I must be getting old. They say the mind is the first thing to go.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 27, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Hey, thanks, Tina.
> As for the forgetting thing, I've inadvertently posted the same response in one thread more than once. I'm so ashamed! Haha.
> 
> I must be getting old. They say the mind is the first thing to go.




No...the boobs are...the boobs......


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## RedVelvet (Nov 27, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> No...the boobs are...the boobs......



so....so true.


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## TraciJo67 (Nov 27, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> so....so true.



Afraid not, ladies. I'm fairly certain that the ass slide happens well before the boobie migration.


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## RedVelvet (Nov 27, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Afraid not, ladies. I'm fairly certain that the ass slide happens well before the boobie migration.




For YOU maybe...my arse is high and round....lucked out there...its not dropping any time soon..


Boobs tho...yeah.


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## TraciJo67 (Nov 27, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> For YOU maybe...my arse is high and round....lucked out there...its not dropping any time soon..
> 
> 
> Boobs tho...yeah.



Oh, silly me ... you thought that I was talking about my actual _ass_? I was referring to the ball 'n chain, of course. 

My ass is also perfectly high and rounded. You could serve a 5-course meal on the perky shelf. Really. You could


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## RedVelvet (Nov 27, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Oh, silly me ... you thought that I was talking about my actual _ass_? I was referring to the ball 'n chain, of course.
> 
> My ass is also perfectly high and rounded. You could serve a 5-course meal on the perky shelf. Really. You could




Funny girl.



A shelf I don't have either..just your basic big apple ass.

I miss tho...my original nipple placement, if you get my drift.


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## TraciJo67 (Nov 27, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Funny girl.
> 
> 
> 
> I miss tho...my original nipple placement, if you get my drift.



Oh ... a punny. My love for you deepens :wubu:


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## mossystate (Nov 27, 2007)

I have no ass..and my boobs are floppy...I win..shut up.


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## TraciJo67 (Nov 27, 2007)

mossystate said:


> I have no ass..and my boobs are floppy...I win..shut up.



Yeah, but you have *such* a pretty face ....


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## mossystate (Nov 27, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Yeah, but you have *such* a pretty face ....



Hey, I am on the search for the planet where my body is the shit. But, actually, that comment about the pretty face is funny...I guess even amongst fat folks..we judge..and, I am told we are not to do this...

oh, and..shut up..


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## TraciJo67 (Nov 27, 2007)

mossystate said:


> Hey, I am on the search for the planet where my body is the shit. But, actually, that comment about the pretty face is funny...I guess even amongst fat folks..we judge..and, I am told we are not to do this...
> 
> oh, and..shut up..



Honey, I meant to judge. I MEANT to. 

And YOU shut up, shuttin' up.


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## goofy girl (Nov 27, 2007)

mossystate said:


> Hey, I am on the search for the planet where my body is the shit. But, actually, that comment about the pretty face is funny...I guess even amongst fat folks..we judge..and, I am told we are not to do this...
> 
> oh, and..shut up..



Right planet.wrong era. We just need to time travel back 365 years or so.


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## MrsSunGoddess (Nov 27, 2007)

I'm sure I'm repeating what many are saying .... I would have no problem dating a non FA, however, the way a TRUE FA, touches me, is quite different, there's no comparison. Until you've had someone touch your bumps and bulges and be more than okay, there's just no comparison. I've dated both in the past, and been content, but I do prefer and FA, perhaps it's just my personal experiences that lead me to have this opinion. Great topic.

Lynne


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## RedVelvet (Nov 27, 2007)

mossystate said:


> I have no ass..and my boobs are floppy...I win..shut up.




Bad Day, sweetheart?


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## RedVelvet (Nov 27, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Oh ... a punny. My love for you deepens :wubu:




I only use them when I know they are good enough to disappear if needed....

:kiss2:


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## mossystate (Nov 27, 2007)

goofy girl said:


> Right planet.wrong era. We just need to time travel back 365 years or so.



Back then they liked no ass, floppy boobs?...waaaaaaaa...I am always a day or century late!


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## mossystate (Nov 27, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Bad Day, sweetheart?



?...I always tell her to shut up...she won't...


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## CodiBrock (Nov 27, 2007)

MrsSunGoddess said:


> I'm sure I'm repeating what many are saying .... I would have no problem dating a non FA, however, the way a TRUE FA, touches me, is quite different, there's no comparison. Until you've had someone touch your bumps and bulges and be more than okay, there's just no comparison. I've dated both in the past, and been content, but I do prefer and FA, perhaps it's just my personal experiences that lead me to have this opinion. Great topic.
> 
> Lynne



Same here. Well, I can't speak from any experience on the touching, but just how they act around me. FA's just seem more.. how to phrase it...content to be around you? I mean, I've dated both FA's and Non-FA's, and have enjoyed my time with both, but I do prefer to be with people who appreciate my body rather than tolerate it. 

And (This is just speaking from experience), I've noticed that most of my FA guy friends are the loveliest group of geeks I'll ever meet. I have a soft spot for a nice geeky guy. 

I think I've capped out on my usage of the words 'FA' and 'geek' just from this post alone. =P


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## Tina (Nov 27, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Hey, thanks, Tina.
> As for the forgetting thing, I've inadvertently posted the same response in one thread more than once. I'm so ashamed! Haha.
> 
> I must be getting old. They say the mind is the first thing to go.



No, for a fat girl it's the knees -- then the mind!! I realized once that I had posted my pics in some kind of 'when you were young' pic thread. Same pics, almost the same post. Yes, swiss cheese brain is a very unlovely thing. And you, my dear, are but a little pup, and no 'senior moment' worries for you for a long time. I gots lotsa years on you, gorgeous!


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## stan_der_man (Nov 27, 2007)

Personally I do find thin women and fat women attractive in their own ways, fat women more so in general, so by whatever standard one is judged to be a FA, I think that is at least the basic definition of a FA.

I can see a "non-FA" finding a fat woman attractive (in other ways than physical) or over time learning to appreciate the beauty of a fat woman. That's entirely possible. I had some male friends who weren't "FAs" tell me that my girlfriends were attractive once they really got to know them. Generally answering the question... "Is a FA a must?" I would say no, but there are advantages to FAs if you are a fat woman. I glanced through this thread and haven't seen this mentioned... I think FAs will go that "extra mile" for a fat woman whereas non-FAs may not.

As a male dating (or marrying) a fat woman (lets say the woman is at least 300 lbs...) there are extra things you will have to do (or won't be able to do) with your friend / wife. An FA will be more conscious of looking for places where she can fit into, avoiding places that will involve climbing lots of stairs, making it clear to family members that chastising her about her weight is unacceptable, things like that. Before WLS when my wife was heavier, I always carried the groceries up our stairs because I knew that it wasn't easy for her to do. I usually was the one who would get up and get things while we were sitting watching TV because I knew it was easier for me to do so. Some people would call this "submissive" behaviour, catering to a woman... I think it's the "extra mile" that you will get from a FA that you wouldn't get from a non-FA. If and when you get married, a FA will still have this in mind... The tedious chores of daily life are what wear on relationships. The daily grind of work, making ends meet, keeping households running, raising children are almost always the things that break relationships. It will be silly little things like repairing something on the roof in 100° heat and having a tube of silicon fall to the ground that wear on a guy. A FA will climb across the roof and down the ladder to pick it back up and carry it back onto the roof without complaining. A non-FA will think in the back of his mind that his "fat ass" wife can't even climb up a ladder to help him do the simplest of chores. A FA won't mind only having a one-third portion of a double bed in a motel room if the situation arises, a non-FA might.



mfdoom said:


> In the reverse of this (off topic but might give a lil' insight) I used to think naively that as an FA I could have a solid relationship with a skinny girl, and I was quite mistaken. Without the attraction, so much is lost in the awkwardness and feeling of discontent (and at times, impotence x_x), that even a superb mental and emotional bond can't overcome it. My 2 cents, anyway.



Taking from what you said Mfdoom... Before WLS, when my wife was heavier, I was that FA who went that "extra mile". When my wife went shopping our daughter stayed with me and I carried the groceries up the stairs. When I went shopping, my daughter went with me and I carried the groceries up the stairs. Was I a submissive sap of an FA? Maybe. I just thought of it as going that extra mile for my fat beautiful wife. One day, a while after my wife's WLS, with her being significantly thinner and (supposedly) more able to do things she called up to me to get the groceries as usual. Having just done something myself and being tired, I realized that I wasn't going to bust my ass for a "thin girl" the way I did things for a fat woman. I went downstairs and did bring the groceries up but later told her that the days of me busting my ass were over. I still loved her, I still supported her and was willing to do my fair share of the chores, but I also expected her to do her fair share. I'm not saying that fat women aren't able to do their fair share of work, as a FA I was willing to do that extra work to make things more comfortable for her. I wasn't willing to do it for a post WLS "thin" girl. Guys can be attracted to all different shapes and sizes, but in their heart of hearts, where will be limits.


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## Tina (Nov 27, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> Some people would call this "submissive" behaviour, catering to a woman... I think it's the "extra mile" that you will get from a FA that you wouldn't get from a non-FA.


I totally agree. The submissive mindset is completely different from the 'helpful' one.


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## RedVelvet (Nov 27, 2007)

Bold post, Mr. Stan. 

Whoa.


Interesting viewpoints that I had not considered as well.

Thank you for the bluntness.




Gotta put my two cents in on one part tho: Submissive....doesn't equal wimp.


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## TraciJo67 (Nov 27, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> One day, a while after my wife's WLS, with her being significantly thinner and (supposedly) more able to do things she called up to me to get the groceries as usual. Having just done something myself and being tired, I realized that I wasn't going to bust my ass for a "thin girl" the way I did things for a fat woman. I went downstairs and did bring the groceries up but later told her that the days of me busting my ass were over. I still loved her, I still supported her and was willing to do my fair share of the chores, but I also expected her to do her fair share. I'm not saying that fat women aren't able to do their fair share of work, as a FA I was willing to do that extra work to make things more comfortable for her. I wasn't willing to do it for a post WLS "thin" girl. Guys can be attracted to all different shapes and sizes, but in their heart of hearts, where will be limits.




Wow. If my husband had complained about carrying in the groceries (like, EVER) or gave me a speech about how the days of his busting his ass were over (over an issue like ... carrying groceries) ... I'd have sat him down for a very frank, and very skeery "come to Jesus" talk.


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## mossystate (Nov 27, 2007)

My last bf was not an ' FA '. He was attracted to many types. When we were doing naughty things to one another, he never shied away from grabbing some belly ( how romantic, dare I say sexy, that sentence was..heh ). 

I live with this person. Now, that is worthy of its own thread, how wacky the situation has been at times, but, I will keep that for another day. To this day, if we are leaving at the same time and I am going to take a bag of garbage down, he grabs it from me. He is fairly mindful of how he can help me. He did the same thing when we were a couple. 

Maybe the speed at which he does some things are slower, now that I am not his gf, but, I like that his basic nature, when it comes to me, has not changed. I think that is more about the individuals involved....and not about body preference.


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## BrainyBustyBBW (Nov 28, 2007)

I don't think that being an FA is a must. In fact, my longest (and surprisingly most respectful) relationship was with a non-FA. He was attracted to me because of my face, he said he really wasn't aware of my body - He just thought I had a beautiful face and a sweet personality. I know, I know, "Awwwww..." He had dated and had relationships with women of various sizes and shapes, from athletic to...well...ME. I was the largest woman he had ever dated. He didn't love me for my body or because of my body or in spite of my body. He loved my body with the rest of me.

He did all the things described in prior posts - carried groceries...was mindful of seating, walking distance and stairs...He never defended my size because for him my size was not an issue and his attitude came across clearly to his friends and family. We went out in public all the time. He was sensual and sexual and fun. A great kisser :eat2: Alas, he had his own issues and I eventually broke it off - Whiny men? Feh! Okay, yes, there were other issues besides the whininess, but lord have mercy! 

I have had proclaimed FAs who have been all about my size and all about my breasts...Who have told me if I lost weight they would leave me. And then, there are the non-FAs who overlook the body to get to the breasts cuz the body comes with. 

FA? Non-FA? :::shrug::: It's all about the man and his relationship to me, not to my body. If he has a relationship with me and that relationship with me is respectful, loving, caring, sensual, passionate, and romantic, so will his relationship with my body. Yes there has to be a starting point for attraction - whether it be a face, a smile, a booty, breasts...personality...whatever. But, an attraction to my size, my body, my breasts is not a relationship.

So goes my experience...

YMMV...Tags tax and title not included...Void where prohibited by law.


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## Miss Vickie (Nov 29, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Wow. If my husband had complained about carrying in the groceries (like, EVER) or gave me a speech about how the days of his busting his ass were over (over an issue like ... carrying groceries) ... I'd have sat him down for a very frank, and very skeery "come to Jesus" talk.



Boy, no kidding. We help each other, and it's totally unrelated to weight but whose back hurts more at a given time and who has the time. (Or more often, we get the kid to do it and save both our backs! ) OTOH, I never take Burtimus' help for granted and am very thankful for any assistance I get from him, whether it's minor or major. Usually, though, it ends up that he has to fight me to let him help, since I'm so stubborn and such a control freak that I don't like accepting help from anyone; in my twisted mind needing help equals dependence and weakness, and I was this bad when I was over 300 pounds, with a debilitating autoimmune disease and truly NEEDED the help. Pride's such a bitch, isn't it?

I guess, Stan, that I look at it as not helping a "thin woman" versus a "fat woman" but rather working together with your partner (wife) to, you know, get shit done. I totally understand being tired, though, and I think it would be unfair of any of us to just expect our sweeties to go out of their way to help. There is a lot of give and take and a little appreciation goes a looooong way, doesn't it?

As to the question at hand, while I've dallied with guys I suppose you'd call FA's, I've never had a serious relationship with one. The guys I've been with were really good sports about my crazy wild weight changes, and I wouldn't have it any other way. The odd thing is that since WLS I get a lot of "Oh, isn't your husband just so THRILLED with your weight loss?" from people who don't know us well and who aren't obviously part of the SA crowd. I respond, "Um... no, not really." Burtimus is pretty circumspect about how he feels about the changes in my body. His focus is, and has been, what's going to make me happy. He won't even TELL me if he's more attracted to me now more than he was then (or vice versa). I can't really tell if it's because he thinks it'll hurt my feelings or if it truly doesn't matter. In either case, it's nice to feel wholeheartedly loved, supported and accepted, no matter what kind of wild weight fluctuations I go through.


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## vermillion (Dec 2, 2007)

if they don't look at me and wanna hit it...
i don't want them...


i feel incredibly unattractive dating non-fa's
they don't appreciate my body the way it needs to be....
non-fa's dont give belly rubs


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## Aurora (Dec 2, 2007)

CodiBrock said:


> Same here. Well, I can't speak from any experience on the touching, but just how they act around me. FA's just seem more.. how to phrase it...content to be around you? I mean, I've dated both FA's and Non-FA's, and have enjoyed my time with both, but I do prefer to be with people who appreciate my body rather than tolerate it.
> 
> And (This is just speaking from experience), I've noticed that most of my FA guy friends are the loveliest group of geeks I'll ever meet. I have a soft spot for a nice geeky guy.
> 
> I think I've capped out on my usage of the words 'FA' and 'geek' just from this post alone. =P



I think we're long lost sisters.


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## CodiBrock (Dec 2, 2007)

Aurora said:


> I think we're long lost sisters.



Huzzah! ^_^ What a lovely person to be a long lost sister to!


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## Kimmiekins (Dec 2, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> Having just done something myself and being tired, I realized that I wasn't going to bust my ass for a "thin girl" the way I did things for a fat woman. I went downstairs and did bring the groceries up but later told her that the days of me busting my ass were over. I still loved her, I still supported her and was willing to do my fair share of the chores, but I also expected her to do her fair share. I'm not saying that fat women aren't able to do their fair share of work, as a FA I was willing to do that extra work to make things more comfortable for her. I wasn't willing to do it for a post WLS "thin" girl. Guys can be attracted to all different shapes and sizes, but in their heart of hearts, where will be limits.



I can't help but think that this sounds like punishment: "Ok, if you want to be thin, deal with the consequences. I won't go out of my way for you anymore." 

I met my current boyfriend at 190 pounds (I'm 5'4) and while that doesn't sound like a lot around here, I am by far the biggest girlfriend he has ever had. All of his ex-girlfriends were very thin and several were models. He is very attractive himself and I though "oh great..."

We have been together for a year now and I have gained 30 pounds (Bloody Zoloft - I don't mind the weight per se, but I hate it when my body changes without me wanting to change it) and was complaining the other day. He gave me this really sweet look and said with a big happy grin "there is more of you to hug!!" It was the sweetest thing ever! He makes sure that he keeps me fed and doesn't like it when I don't want to eat because I am trying to lose weight ("you need to eat!"). 

I am the biggest woman he has ever been with, and he also tells me that I am his biggest love and the woman of his life. He loves everything about me. 
Actually, he loves my body more than I love it, which sounds sad, but really helps me work on my issues. 

He is such a doll! 

I have never been with an FA and it does sound appealing because I have never been able to truly let go of my body issues. But right now I am very happy with my man. :wubu:


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## Tooz (Dec 2, 2007)

vermillion said:


> if they don't look at me and wanna hit it...
> i don't want them...
> 
> 
> ...



Yes! Yes, exactly.


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## SoVerySoft (Dec 2, 2007)

Kimmiekins said:


> I can't help but think that this sounds like punishment: "Ok, if you want to be thin, deal with the consequences. I won't go out of my way for you anymore."
> 
> I met my current boyfriend at 190 pounds (I'm 5'4) and while that doesn't sound like a lot around here, I am by far the biggest girlfriend he has ever had. All of his ex-girlfriends were very thin and several were models. He is very attractive himself and I though "oh great..."
> 
> ...




Such a sweet story! I hope you do let go of your body issues in time. This is a good place to be to help it along. Welcome!


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## mossystate (Dec 2, 2007)

Nope, an FA is not a must.


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## altered states (Dec 2, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> I still supported her and was willing to do my fair share of the chores, but I also expected her to do her fair share.... I wasn't willing to do it for a post WLS "thin" girl. Guys can be attracted to all different shapes and sizes, but in their heart of hearts, where will be limits.



I respect your honesty, but this seems a little hardcore... You went out of your way for her for years, and maybe it was unfair for this to continue once she was more able-bodied, but did she maybe go out of her way for you sometimes, in other aspects? Maybe not physically, as you're detailing here, but emotionally? In some other way? 

Then again, adjustments in "rules" sometimes need to be made over the years, and I guess it's better to be honest than let the resentment build into a total meltdown.


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## stan_der_man (Dec 2, 2007)

Kimmiekins said:


> I can't help but think that this sounds like punishment: "Ok, if you want to be thin, deal with the consequences. I won't go out of my way for you anymore."
> ...


In all honesty you are partially right. But from my point of view it was more like... you are now able to do more things, why should I have to do my share of the chores and part of yours?



tres huevos said:


> I respect your honesty, but this seems a little hardcore... You went out of your way for her for years, and maybe it was unfair for this to continue once she was more able-bodied, but did she maybe go out of her way for you sometimes, in other aspects?
> ...
> Then again, adjustments in "rules" sometimes need to be made over the years, and I guess it's better to be honest than let the resentment build into a total meltdown.


As you said, I think our situation was more of an over due adjustment. Her WLS was just the impetus for pushing me over the edge to make this definitive decision. She made a few unilateral decisions in our relationship, it was my turn to make some of my own. It was sort of a release to a situation that would have built up and melted down as some point I think.


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## Kimmiekins (Dec 3, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> Such a sweet story! I hope you do let go of your body issues in time. This is a good place to be to help it along. Welcome!



Thank you! I am getting there.  And this place is really fabulous! 

Oh, and I might just be turning this guy into an FA. Today he was talking to his WoW buddies. He was going on about how great some raid was (something like that - I don't know anything about WoW) and then said: "That's awesome! It's like sleeping with a fat girl!"


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## Friday (Dec 6, 2007)

I wouldn't want someone to love me because I was fat or because I was skinny. That stuff is always subject to change. Mr Friday loves my belly because it's part of ME, but he'd love me bellyless too.


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## MixedRaceBBW (Dec 6, 2007)

This thread was very interesting to me. I am very new to size acceptance. I've wanted it my whole life and wanted to be with someone who would accept me for me and not see my fat as something of disgust. Over the years I've become very bitter and ,while I am working on it, I have grown a great self hatred for myself and my fat. I have never dated an FA, only non-FAs. The guy I am currently with does want me to lose weight but for health reasons. He's worried what the fat will do to me over time. I love him for that. For caring about me like that, but I also feel that while he accepts I am fat and still loves me that he doesn't accept me completely. But I think that is due to all the bitterness I have collected over the years. I don't think an FA would change that. I think it all comes down to you as the "fat person" and how you feel. I don't know if I am saying this right. I have met some FAs online but they only want to talk to me because I am fat and they want some fat chick to control them. While this is fine for some people...more power to them...its not what I want. So this has kind of turned me off of FAs. I mean having a man accept my body as is and want to touch and love on it would be nice, but not if it becomes the sole reason he likes me. And I just worry with FAs that is what it will become. They will only be with me because I have bigger jiggly parts that they can love on. So that is why I like the non-FAs, but on the other hand I'd like a guy I know who will accept my body as is, so that is where I guess a FA would be nice. But in the end it comes down to what a person prefers and I prefer the non-FAs because they accept me for my mind and beauty...even though they may just "accept" my body. I like that better than just having a guy like me because I am big. But maybe that's where the self hatred comes back into play. Who knows. Ok, enough ranting. Just my two pennies worth.

Chelle


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## Friday (Dec 6, 2007)

Made perfect sense to me Chelle.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 6, 2007)

MixedRaceBBW said:


> This thread was very interesting to me. I am very new to size acceptance. I've wanted it my whole life and wanted to be with someone who would accept me for me and not see my fat as something of disgust. Over the years I've become very bitter and ,while I am working on it, I have grown a great self hatred for myself and my fat. I have never dated an FA, only non-FAs. The guy I am currently with does want me to lose weight but for health reasons. He's worried what the fat will do to me over time. I love him for that. For caring about me like that, but I also feel that while he accepts I am fat and still loves me that he doesn't accept me completely. But I think that is due to all the bitterness I have collected over the years. I don't think an FA would change that. I think it all comes down to you as the "fat person" and how you feel. I don't know if I am saying this right. I have met some FAs online but they only want to talk to me because I am fat and they want some fat chick to control them. While this is fine for some people...more power to them...its not what I want. So this has kind of turned me off of FAs. I mean having a man accept my body as is and want to touch and love on it would be nice, but not if it becomes the sole reason he likes me. And I just worry with FAs that is what it will become. They will only be with me because I have bigger jiggly parts that they can love on. So that is why I like the non-FAs, but on the other hand I'd like a guy I know who will accept my body as is, so that is where I guess a FA would be nice. But in the end it comes down to what a person prefers and I prefer the non-FAs because they accept me for my mind and beauty...even though they may just "accept" my body. I like that better than just having a guy like me because I am big. But maybe that's where the self hatred comes back into play. Who knows. Ok, enough ranting. Just my two pennies worth.
> 
> Chelle



This is from my post on page 1, and since it would be silly to retype, I'm going to add it here just so you know another way to look at all this: 



AnnMarie said:


> I've never dated an FA (seriously speaking, for a period of time) who was only with me because of my body. I would never date a guy like that.
> 
> I think that's where "what comes to you" leaves off and "what you accept in your life" starts up. I'm not going to be with some random jerk just because his flag pole stands at attention when I'm around. I know my value as a person, and I know what I want in a relationship. If he's not giving it to me, no amount of belly grabs or flowery comments are going to matter one bit.
> 
> ...


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## QtPatooti (Dec 6, 2007)

Can there be a NON-FFA or NON-FA who loves and is attracted to a BHM or BBW? 

Can a FFA or FA love and be attracted to someone who once was FAT but is no more? 

I just want someone to love me. I walk a thin line between being fat and needing to be thin. I have learned to see my beauty inside and out. I see my self as sexy. Yet my knees are shot. I have a crippling arthritis disease. I need to lose weight for health reasons. I feel like relationship-wise I am doomed to failure.

Being ravished by an FA is amazing. Having each dimple or bulge adored is great. 

I dont have to have an FA but I do need someone that will be attracted to me whatever size.


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## vcrgrrl (Dec 10, 2007)

I'd like to find someone that likes how I am...... On the inside and the outside.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 10, 2007)

At this point in time I only care if he's breathing..................oh and about the size of his..................nose  :batting:


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## vcrgrrl (Dec 10, 2007)

LOL To funny......


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 11, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> At this point in time I only care if he's breathing..................oh and about the size of his..................nose  :batting:



Well, you know what they say about the size of a man's nose ...


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## RedVelvet (Dec 11, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Well, you know what they say about the size of a man's nose ...



Big nose...............big.......................handkerchief.


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 11, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Big nose...............big.......................handkerchief.



I always heard that it was big nose, big feet. Where did you get your info from ... Good Housekeeping circa 1959?


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## RedVelvet (Dec 11, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> I always heard that it was big nose, big feet. Where did you get your info from ... Good Housekeeping circa 1959?




Eff you and your modern style thinking, feminist.


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## Ivy (Dec 11, 2007)

vermillion said:


> if they don't look at me and wanna hit it...
> i don't want them...
> 
> 
> ...




what she said.

i can't date a guy who isn't a fatty lover. it makes me feel very unattractive. i also can't date the kind of guy who says he likes fat chicks but his idea of a fat chick is a girl with a tiny waist and gigantic tits and ass and little to no belly. :doh:


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## Tooz (Dec 11, 2007)

Ivy said:


> what she said.
> 
> i can't date a guy who isn't a fatty lover. it makes me feel very unattractive. i also can't date the kind of guy who says he likes fat chicks but his idea of a fat chick is a girl with a tiny waist and gigantic tits and ass and little to no belly. :doh:



bbgurl, aim, now. :kiss2:


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 11, 2007)

Ivy said:


> what she said.
> 
> i can't date a guy who isn't a fatty lover. it makes me feel very unattractive. i also can't date the kind of guy who says he likes fat chicks but his idea of a fat chick is a girl with a tiny waist and gigantic tits and ass and little to no belly. :doh:



with effed up ideas about who is going to eat what type of cuisine in the midwest.

Lollers.

(thread veering off over.)


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## Ivy (Dec 11, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> with effed up ideas about who is going to eat what type of cuisine in the midwest.
> 
> Lollers.
> 
> (thread veering off over.)



hahahahahahaaaa ily bb.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Dec 12, 2007)

t3h_n00b said:


> So I guess its just the difficulty of presentation for me. Sometimes I guess it can be hard to communicate to a girl that you think she's beautiful and not have her think something is wrong with you when society tells her she's not beautiful constantly.




This is a very valid point. Being with an FA or being around or in a distinctive social environment that embraces and desires fatness is a great feeling because most of society in North America embraces thin bodies and the acceptable plus-size is more in line with Beyonce during her "off seasons", the current body that America Ferrara (Ugly Betty star/she's lost quite a bit of weight) has and Jennifer Hudson.

The last two especially aren't Hollywood ideals because they have more weight that what is standardly accepted but they are far from being BBWs. I consider myself on the small scale of BBW but a BBW nonetheless but there's not much to identify with on television, in general magazines and just with the beauty standard overall.

Because of this marginalization, it can sometimes feel a bit jolting to the system to come out of the comfort zone of a fat embracing environment. You feel acceptance and comfort in these social arenas that embrace fatness, but when you step outside of these environments whether they are online or in the "real world" it can feel awkward. I guess the key is to develop this constant flow of fat embracing energy within...that can override the discomfort that comes from suddenly being in any fat-phobic environment.

But that's easier said than done, because as the original quote references, this can have a conditioning effect that is hard to shake. Even when someone shows you that they are an FA, you question that in the back of your mind and wonder, "OK are they truly attracted to my body type over thinner builds? How can they be?"

I think a good analogy would be that there's this joke that almost everyone gets. It's got this element of funniness to it that most people would recognize or identify with...however you come across someone that claims to have a different sense of humor. They don't get what's so damn funny about this widely known joke. They have another brand of joke that they find completely amusing and funny (it's their kind of humor), but you find it hard to believe that they -can't- see the humor in something that -so many people- are humorously drawn towards...or at least find it tremendously funny.

I think this is what makes many here prefer an FA as a partner. They speak a language that is preferred and they "get the funny" in something else or at least more strongly (going along with my analogy).

I definitely prefer an FA partner.


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## sweet&fat (Dec 12, 2007)

Greetings from the OP! An update: turns out he was an FA but had never heard the term before. Interesting. A very nice FA at that, but not for me. I still don't have any conclusive thoughts, but I know one thing... it is SO much easier to get ready for a first date with a known FA than a non-FA! No worrying about wearing slimming clothing, etc. you can walk out the door thinking "yeah, my ass looks huge in these pants, and I'm freakin' HOT! Let's go eat some dinner!"


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## vcrgrrl (Dec 12, 2007)

I agree with that. It's a big difference in dating a man that is glad to say he's a FA...... And a man that you aren't sure about.


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## Placebo (Dec 17, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> "yeah, my ass looks huge in these pants, and I'm freakin' HOT! Let's go eat some dinner!"



That comment right there is the highlight of my week.... and it's only Monday

Damn I love being an FA


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## inlove (Dec 18, 2007)

So true... This is really interesting - I'm on the other side o this, I'm totally falling for a BBW but am worried she'll freak if she knows I _like_ her being big! It's not very common where we come from, you've meant to be healthy and fit all the time n that. I know very few big people, come to think of it!

Did him telling you make you feel better or worse about him?


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## sweet&fat (Dec 18, 2007)

inlove said:


> So true... This is really interesting - I'm on the other side o this, I'm totally falling for a BBW but am worried she'll freak if she knows I _like_ her being big! It's not very common where we come from, you've meant to be healthy and fit all the time n that. I know very few big people, come to think of it!
> 
> Did him telling you make you feel better or worse about him?



It made me feel much better, but he wasn't the first FA I've known, and I'm very open to men liking that I'm big. I have a friend who hates being fat and would probably be disgusted by any man who liked her for it. If you do a search, you'll find a lot of threads where people have asked how to break it to their gf/bf, what they should say, etc. Personally, I think that if she's in the minority where you live (where do you live?) because of her size, she might well be very sensitive about it. I'd tread lightly- complimenting her, telling her how pretty she is, that you like what she's wearing... in a non-creepy or aggressive way. See how she responds to your positive comments and take it from there.

BTW, big people can also be healthy and fit- I'm big, but I eat well and go to the gym at least three times a week. I know I can do more push-ups and sit-ups than many of my thin friends.


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## BrunetteBeauty80 (Dec 21, 2007)

My boyfriend and I were talking about this just a few nights ago. I met him on an adult fat girl type forum. I always thought he was an FA. Never really questioned it, until I asked him the other night how long he had been an FA (we've been together almost a year). That is when he told me he doesn't think he is an FA. He feels that in order to say he is an FA he has to find ALL fat girls attractive. I don't really feel that is the case, as someone who is into skinny girls, doesn't find ALL skinny girls attractive. He also said that he thinks an FA has to have a fat girl in order to be turned on. I was confused..really. Until I thought about it:

When we are laying in bed, he loves to caress all of my body, and always tells me how much he loves it. 

When we are in the car together, he lays his hand on my thigh and gently rubs it and grabs it. I know he likes the sensation of the fat in his hands.

He loves to lay his arm on the small (or large in my case  ) of my back and leave it there. My ass supports his arm..I know he loves this.

He also loves to lay his head on my belly while we are watching T.V.

In that fact, I believe he is an FA. He admires MY fat! 

I have dated guys before that were with me because I have a great personality, and looked beyond my body. Or were too ashamed to say they really loved my body. It isn't near as fun as being with someone who when you take your clothes off loves to look at you and requests you be naked more often. Just like AnnMarie, I know what was missing in the past, and now that I have it, I don't know how I could ever go back to being with someone who isn't an FA. Even if they say they aren't


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Dec 21, 2007)

BrunetteBeauty80 said:


> My boyfriend and I were talking about this just a few nights ago. I met him on an adult fat girl type forum. I always thought he was an FA. Never really questioned it, until I asked him the other night how long he had been an FA (we've been together almost a year). That is when he told me he doesn't think he is an FA. He feels that in order to say he is an FA he has to find ALL fat girls attractive. I don't really feel that is the case, as someone who is into skinny girls, doesn't find ALL skinny girls attractive. He also said that he thinks an FA has to have a fat girl in order to be turned on. I was confused..really. Until I thought about it:
> 
> :




I guess that definition of FA doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps he just doesn't like to be put in "that category" but still likes what he likes?

Would it be true that a white guy who often finds himself more attracted to black women would then be attracted to ALL black women regardless of their personality, specific traits and so forth, given that there was a term to describe his nature to lean towards attraction to black women? No it would not be true.

The preference would only indicate that there's some common trait or group of traits he finds himself more often attracted to in women of a particular ethnic background, thus his attention goes towards this group more than others, but that's about all it says. If he just dated ANY black woman just because she was black, then he has a severe fetish and gets off on that only. The woman doesn't matter, only the idea. Again to me, that's a fetish. 

FAism to me means that a person (usually a guy) often has a preference for plus-sized women...his attraction tends to fall heavily for this category of women because overall he finds himself gravitating towards heavier women but still has preferences for certain personality traits and features just like any other man...

Your partner is officially saying that anyone deemed an FA has an extreme fetish for fat women, therefore just being fat and a woman is enough to bring on attraction. I disagree with this. To ME, It's just a term to describe preferential attraction...not or not necessarily blind and exclusive attraction.


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## Jon Blaze (Dec 22, 2007)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> I guess that definition of FA doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps he just doesn't like to be put in "that category" but still likes what he likes?
> 
> Would it be true that a white guy who often finds himself more attracted to black women would then be attracted to ALL black women regardless of their personality, specific traits and so forth, given that there was a term to describe his nature to lean towards attraction to black women? No it would not be true.
> 
> ...



I agree with most of this, except for the ending. Maybe it's just semantics, because my preference is looser than most here, but I know a lot of guys that strictly date fat women at all times, and don't even gaze on thin women. I don't know if you were saying because they are exclusive (In regards to bodytypes), that makes them fetishists. If you were: I'm sure they think of other traits (Minus those real fetishists, but a lot of the women here don't think they constitute FAs because of this), but if you weren't: It's just semantics.


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## BrunetteBeauty80 (Dec 22, 2007)

Candy_Coated_Clown said:


> Your partner is officially saying that anyone deemed an FA has an extreme fetish for fat women, therefore just being fat and a woman is enough to bring on attraction. I disagree with this. To ME, It's just a term to describe preferential attraction...not or not necessarily blind and exclusive attraction.



That is exactly what he meant, and he agrees with you. He is standing behind me as I type this and is nodding his head. He said he just didn't know how to phrase it when he told me..lol


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## Keb (Dec 24, 2007)

I think I'd be happy with someone who wasn't an FA, as long as he was a KA (Keb Admirer) through and through. Yup.


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## MadeFA (Dec 25, 2007)

I've dated girls that explained to me that they really really loved the fact that I was an FA, and two of them that I keep in touch with now are only interested in dating guys that really really appreciate their body. I've also dated girls that wound up not liking the idea that I thought they were attractive... which really felt horrible.


The awesome lady that I dated most recently had been in relationships with many men who were very nice, and she told me they had great times together... but she really never felt so good as to feel like she was someones mental and physical center of attention.


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## Just_Jen (Dec 25, 2007)

Reading through this thread, it's so interesting to read all of your opinions on this subject, especially as it's something i've never really thought about before.

It's only recently that i started dating an FA, and before that i didn't really know they existed tbh. I can completely understand what a lot of you are saying, that its fair enough that a guy can like you for your personality inspite of your size but that it's amazing to be loved for *both* your personality *and* size. Why on earth would you put up with (maybe the wrong way to say that) a guy who loves you inspite of your size when you can get one who loves all of you, no matter how much all of you is..

It's been the most surreal adventure going from guys that skim over your body and get straight to the nitty gritty and dont really say anything about your body, to being with a guy who loves every little bump, role and dimple..it's amazing..

I don't think i'd like to go back to being with non FAs (unless they too can truly admire and love) because it's quite a different experience in my opinion, and an important one. why be accepted when you can be a goddess? :smitten:


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## pat70327 (Dec 26, 2007)

Just_Jen said:


> Reading through this thread, it's so interesting to read all of your opinions on this subject, especially as it's something i've never really thought about before.
> 
> It's only recently that i started dating an FA, and before that i didn't really know they existed tbh. I can completely understand what a lot of you are saying, that its fair enough that a guy can like you for your personality inspite of your size but that it's amazing to be loved for *both* your personality *and* size. Why on earth would you put up with (maybe the wrong way to say that) a guy who loves you inspite of your size when you can get one who loves all of you, no matter how much all of you is..
> 
> ...



Jen you an I both know your a goddess...... :wubu:


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## Just_Jen (Dec 26, 2007)

pat70327 said:


> Jen you an I both know your a goddess...... :wubu:



haha well if i didnt know before, i certainly do now :wubu:  hahabhah


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## Pitch (May 14, 2011)

sweet&fat said:


> Here's something I've been pondering lately. To my fellow BBWs/BHMs who are dating, does a man/woman need to be an FA for you to consider him/her? I'm certainly looking for the whole package, but it's just insanely wonderful to be with someone who is wise enough to be attracted to you and your lovely, big, curvy body! I don't want to make everything about my fat (or at least I don't think I do), but recently I met a guy who wants to date me and proclaims that he doesn't care about body type because he's more about personality. I have to admit, even though I like him, there's a little voice inside me that says that I'm too beautiful to settle for an "inner beauty trumps all" mentality! lol! Am I being shallow?



Well, as much as I have dated and etc? None of them were FAs. However, they were mostly weirdos and jerks. It honestly just makes me question the difference between an FA and the "Average Joe." One "admires fat" and maybe one occasional tolerates it or pretends to? Not sure.
ly
But at this point, I want to be with someone who doesn't make me feel like shit because of my body and only because I _deigned_ to not wallow in misery due to my weight and be "submissive" due to a lack of confidence. Whoever he or she is, they better take -all- that I am or they can kick rocks.

So, I suppose in a way an FA is a must. Been through too much weight shaming and emotional abuse that I've had to rebuild myself from to want anything less. At the same time, I dont want to be objectified for being fat with no other qualities catching a potential mate's eye. But, I have yet to experience anything with a _male_ who likes my body. Females? Yep, that
s never been an issue.

Catch 22, innit?


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## Alzison (May 14, 2011)

Can I just say, the fact that I spent my commute home pondering this very topic after striking up some texts with a non-FA whom I recently dated (and ended things, admittedly, because he is not an FA) and then came on Dims and saw this thread (thanks for finding it, @Pitch!) makes me so happy to have access to this community. And I hope I can communicate that love back effectively, despite my midnight-induced run-on sentences.

:smitten:


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## superodalisque (May 15, 2011)

Pitch said:


> Well, as much as I have dated and etc? None of them were FAs. However, they were mostly weirdos and jerks. It honestly just makes me question the difference between an FA and the "Average Joe." One "admires fat" and maybe one occasional tolerates it or pretends to? Not sure.
> ly
> But at this point, I want to be with someone who doesn't make me feel like shit because of my body and only because I _deigned_ to not wallow in misery due to my weight and be "submissive" due to a lack of confidence. Whoever he or she is, they better take -all- that I am or they can kick rocks.
> 
> ...



guys are guys. FAs or not. any guy can shame belittle or mess with your confidence. it may or may not be around your fat. but if he is an ass he will find somethig to try and make you doubt yourself. the weight shaming thing can just as well be over your being too small. look for a good guy and not a designation or you'll end up just as disappointed. FAs aren't the Jesus on a cross that people here make them out to be. no man is. they aren't the devil incarnate either. they are just guys, simple as that.


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## AnnMarie (May 16, 2011)

superodalisque said:


> they are just guys, simple as that.




Exactly. Good to remember when someone's expecting them to speak for an entire movement instead of just for themselves, their own truth.


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## ashmamma84 (May 16, 2011)

AnnMarie said:


> Exactly. Good to remember when someone's expecting them to speak for an entire movement instead of just for themselves, their own truth.



Quoted for troof.


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## AmazingAmy (May 16, 2011)

He doesn't have to call himself an FA or be hyperaware of his preference like a lot of FAs are; he just needs to like every part of me. Not just the fat. Not just the personality. Definitely not one in spite of the other.

For that reason I probably _will _end up with (and prefer) an FA, though. I still struggle with the idea that non-FAs could possibly like my body - or at least appreciate it to the same extent I've seen here on Dims. I will always favour FAs because I know that my body isn't just acceptable to them, it's _awesome_. Pair that with a great meeting of minds, and I'm set. I don't want anything less.


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## Stuffingkit (May 17, 2011)

In my experience, the love of an FA is just different and so much more satisfying. In addition to that, I am into feederism, and after several failed relationships I realize I can not be in a relationship unless the guy is a feeder. Of course I will never underestimate the power of compatibility/an amazing personality, I have learned that I need to be honest with my partner about my sexuality.:wubu:


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