# Is My Daughter an FFA?



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 18, 2008)

My oldest daughter is 16 years young....but has had several boyfriends/love interests since the age of 15. Her father is a very tall guy (6'1") but was very thin most of our 16 year relationship. In the past five years, he had finally put on some weight and has a belly now. 
So....when my daughter brought home a tall guy last year, it didn't surprise me at all. This guy was on the chubby side. My daughter mentioned how he felt uncomfortable about his weight...but said she liked it. 
Next guy she is interested in? Tall.....and chubby. They were only friends but she was definitely interested in him. Next boyfriend? Tall....and chubby. 
Went back to first boyfriend for a while after that. 

Most recent guy? Not as tall as the others..... but when I mentioned how different he looks from the past boyfriends she was quick to say he "has pudge" in the stomach....and said she liked to pinch it. 
Wow....that reminded me of a picture on the boards once of an FFA reaching out to grab her heavy man's love handles.......a great picture that really demonstrated the affection/desire that FFA felt for that guy and his "pudge".

This got me thinking....is my daughter an FFA? I asked her if she liked "just chubby" or if she liked them bigger, too. Her response was that she really wasn't attracted anymore to the "just friends" guy after he gained about 40-50 lbs. That being said, I know from my time on the boards that male FAs can like women of different sizes....some smaller sized to some wanting only super-sized. 
So......on this board full of FFAs, what is your opinion? How did you start out? Comments? Past experiences? Whatcha think?


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## Dr. P Marshall (Sep 18, 2008)

It sounds like she might have FFA tendencies doesn't it? I personally like BHM from chubby up through very large, it depends on the guy and how attractive I find him overall. I think there are some FFAs who prefer just the chubby guys. (I think there's even a thread about that here somewhere). To me, the fact that she seems to require a guy with some extra meat on his bones is the thing that makes me think she's an FFA. It seems pretty common to hear some FFAs(and some FAs) say "just as long as they're not thin." And it is possible that she doesn't find that _one particular boy_ as attractive now that he's heavier. She might feel differently if a different guy gained 50 pounds. 

If you are raising an FFA, congratulations. As you may know, we rock.


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## AZ_Wolf (Sep 19, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> If you are raising an FFA, congratulations. As you may know, we rock.



Some rock like Poison, some rock like Black Sabbath, some like AC/DC, some like Rammstein. But you're all welcome.


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## Qit el-Remel (Sep 19, 2008)

She sounds like me at that age...except less insecure about it.


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## Tad (Sep 19, 2008)

Well, whether or not shes an FA, it sounds like she knows what she likes, puts a priority on what she likes (rather than just going along with the crowd or what guy likes her), and isnt shy or apologetic about it. So Im thinking major props to her mom for bringing up such a self-aware and confident young woman! That is just awesome.

Whether or not she likes BHM, or just chubby guys, and whether or not this evolves one way or another over time, eh, who knows? But it sounds like she's off to a great start in figuring it all out for herself.

And just mention, when the one guy packed on weight, it could have been his size, it could have been that he didn't dress as well any more, or that he was visibly out of shape, or that it emphasized parts of his build that she'd never liked as much in the first place, or that he seemed so much farther out from the norm of her age group, or all sorts of other things. Or that yah, she likes chubby, but not fat. That's OK, I'm sure there are some tall chubby guys who'd be delighted to hear the news *L*


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Sep 19, 2008)

I have to agree with Qit. Does sound like me at that age. *sigh* 




and yeah we rock.



Sometimes we rock with the likes of MSI too ya know. 


or Bloodhound Gang.



Ummm yeah there's no accounting for my taste in music, sorry. lol


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## Weeze (Sep 19, 2008)

I guess I was in 7th grade, and I thought this boy (who later turned out to be one of my best friends through high school) was SUPER cute, and my friends turned around to me when I said it and told me no. He was too chubby. 
Personally, big guys are cute, but i'm not picky. LOL. 
I actually have my first actual DATE with a BHM coming up next week 
he's super nice. i'm excited.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 19, 2008)

Thanks so much for all the input, Everyone 

It just caught me by surprise......her father was ultra skinny most of his life...whilst I have always "struggled" with my weight in one capacity or another. 
That being said, I have made it a big NO NO NO in my house to put down fat people......and no one is ever allowed to insinuate that any of my daughters are "fat" (they are not....funny how I had to lay this law down hard on my mother though ). The word "diet" has only been used in reference to myself and none of my children have ever been put on one...or ever will be.
I am petrified they will get eating disorders or complexes about how they look....they are all beautiful, intelligent and good people and they hear nothing but this in my home. They were never entered into beauty contests either....I feel those are wrong with nothing good to be gained from them. 
I grew up, a chubby teen, in a fat phobic/hating home and my siblings and myself grew up to be chubby to fat. We all have/had eating disorders. 
She probably hasn't been able to miss the "conflict" in my life/home over *my* weight...and sees how it was for me with my own parents. My ex-husband/her father never put me down over my weight...he likes bigger women (though he is "bisizual" he has said he prefers the heavier ones). Could all of this had some effect, I am wondering? 
What a surprise to see this reaction in my daughter......I hope it really does mean that something is going right? 

Bad attitudes start at home.....I hope an attitude of the reverse means something good will come of it.


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## viracocha (Sep 19, 2008)

Sounds like me at that age, too. I think this thread is full of resonating sighs. ;P
I actually didn't start dating my first boyfriend until he gained weight. We'd been best friends as kids, but I never saw him as a sexual/romantic person until then. 

Alas, she does sound like an FFA. And we rock hard, don't forget Queen and Judas Priest! ;P


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## JerseyGirl07093 (Sep 19, 2008)

First of all you have my sympathies raising a teenage girl!  I'm having the same fun with my daughter who is 15.
This made me think of my situation because I think my daughter's 'friend' (OMG Mom he is not my boyfriend!) is a FA! Now I have no hard evidence of this, just my intuition. My daughter is chubby and might even be considered fat by some. One day my daughter mentioned that he used to date another girl that I know and she is heavy too. Then one day when I was spying, um, I mean just happened to be glancing out the peephole of my apt. when she was saying goodnight to him I saw he had his hand around her waist and was kind of rubbing her chub. Hmmmm, what do you guys think? I'm thinking he might be a FA. And if he is us fat girls are lucky because he's a cutie! 
Now I just have to deal with the fact that my daughter is growing up and dating! Aaah! I'm not ready!


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## Victim (Sep 19, 2008)

Parents who use chubs, have kids that use chubs...


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## Ninja Glutton (Sep 20, 2008)

I'm really glad you're instilling such good values in your home. Too many families are so casually cruel to fat people.


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## Tad (Sep 22, 2008)

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> First of all you have my sympathies raising a teenage girl!  I'm having the same fun with my daughter who is 15.
> This made me think of my situation because I think my daughter's 'friend' (OMG Mom he is not my boyfriend!) is a FA! Now I have no hard evidence of this, just my intuition. My daughter is chubby and might even be considered fat by some. One day my daughter mentioned that he used to date another girl that I know and she is heavy too. Then one day when I was spying, um, I mean just happened to be glancing out the peephole of my apt. when she was saying goodnight to him I saw he had his hand around her waist and was kind of rubbing her chub. Hmmmm, what do you guys think? I'm thinking he might be a FA. And if he is us fat girls are lucky because he's a cutie!
> Now I just have to deal with the fact that my daughter is growing up and dating! Aaah! I'm not ready!



1) sure reads like he is an FA

2) sure reads like he'd like to be her boyfriend

3) teenagers, good luck with that! (my son is ten, so its coming up fast for me.....fortunately so far zero interest in girls unless they want to talk Pokemon or Naruto *L*)


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## Mercedes (Sep 23, 2008)

I think she's an FA.

My daughter is only 6 -- she likes to cuddle along her father's belly to comfort herself prior to sleeping, saying it's big, soft and comfortable, and she spends ages kissing her dad's belly... and she keeps saying it is nice, soft and beautiful!


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## Ichida (Sep 23, 2008)

Wow your daughter has a lucky choice in moms.

I dated a 6'3 330 lb guy for a few months and my mom's first comment when i asked what she thought of him was "He could stand to loose a few"....mentally I was like omg, really? thanks for pointing that out mom, i knew I forgot to put my contacts in this morning!! You don't OVERLOOK someone of that size - its right in your face lol.

Over the years I have always souhgt my moms opinion on my life (just as a sounding board) - this was the FIRST time she was negative. I think its because she has struggled with her weight her adult life, and is too lazy to do anything about it. I think she projects her own insecurities and preconceptions on other fatter people.

I am SOOO open with being an FFA with my friends, but my parents dont ask and I dont bring it up. I;ve been dating my b/f for 3 years (just got back togethr after some difficulty and he lost like 20 lbs!! blegh) and when he went from 180 to 220 or so she used to comment he never stopped eating like he had an issue - she never seemed to notice how i was the one plopping it in front of him and cooking for him constantly!!

So again, shes a lucky girl, i envy her that!


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## Sugarkitten7 (Sep 23, 2008)

For some reason I remember reading somewhere that how your kids choose who they want to be with is by what they see in their parents. Which makes sense evolutionary wise. But yeah, I was totally like that at that age, of course I never told my mom anything like that. I was way to afraid of negative comments, I never handled those well. Anyways, I was looking at all my old drawings when I was young and the guys were never skinny in my drawings! Haha.


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## rabbitislove (Sep 23, 2008)

First of all, you are an awesome parent. Growing up, fat has always been negative, the pressure to be thin and "attractive" to catch an attractive man has been the name of the game and dating fat guys has been seen as a big no.

However, your daughter does sound like an FFA, especially with all the attention she pays to bellies. I'm with Edx on her feelings on her friends weight gain, or maybe she's not into the whole gaining thing but still an FFA. 

Sounds like a cool kid. I'd laugh if she was a Dims lurker and reading this right now.


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## Tad (Sep 24, 2008)

Off topic....sugarkitten, I just noticed that is all of your second post, you slipped in quietly! Anyway, just saying welcome, and I hope we'll hear lots more from you


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## Amandy (Sep 25, 2008)

I was definitely one of those FFAs that in high school was interested in "just chubby" guys. I found that little bit of flab "very cute" and was specifically very intrigued by the idea of going after what they were usually trying to hide. 

I know that at that time I was not interested in guys who were really, REALLY big. But gradually over the years since then, I became more and more in lust for much, MUCH bigger guys.

I think at least to some extent, fat was always deeply sexual to me, but I wasn't ready at that younger age to be fully sexual, so perhaps going after barely chubby guys was the safe way to dabble before I was ready to be a nympho for big round guy.


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## ntwp (Sep 26, 2008)

Sounds like she's loving on some chub to me, but only time will tell for certain. That is around the age I really began to understand my FFA feelings internally. It took me a couple of years of internal realization after that before I was able to verbalize and make sense to others what my feelings were. Then still it took a few more years for family and friends to realize it wasn't a "phase." So at least if she does turn out to be an FFA, you won't have to go through that last step with her because you're a sensible and understanding human being (unlike my family members :doh.

I think for a lot of people, High School is a time when one begins to really explore what is partiularly attractive in the opposite sex-- whether it's washboard abs or love handles or whatever (even though I think there is alot going on psychologically or subconsciously to guide us up to that point through childhood). High School is also when almost all of one's friends would probably make fun of a person for being an FA or FFA, so the fear of being different tends to make a person not want to verbally share his/her feelings. 

So if your daughter is an FFA, she is possibly just beginning to make sense of it in her head and perhaps not going to be ready to talk about it with you or anyone else for a good while. Since she has you for support and you already have FA/FFA experience maybe she will open up to you before she talks to her friends. I know in my case I would have LOVED to have had a family member who understood when I finally said out loud that I wanted to be with a fat man-- I definitely would not have felt so alone to begin with.

Time will tell and best to you both. It sounds like you are doing a great job raising her!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 26, 2008)

I appreciate all these supportive words and input- thank you to everyone  :bow:

I am kind of saddened though....reading how some of you felt you couldn't simply say to your family "I prefer my men on the bigger side"....like that is somehow "wrong" instead of a preference. Wow.......
As a BBW who has known size discrimination, I have no doubt of anything you're telling me .......just don't get the why of it all 

When I was a teen, my mother tried to force me to break off a friendship with a female friend because of her size (she was full blown fat compared to my then chubbiness)- she said hanging out with her would make me get heavier...wtf? :doh:


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## Tad (Sep 26, 2008)

GEF;

I never know how much was real and how much was my own perception, fuelled no doubt by my own anxieties, but I certainly never talked to my parents about what I was attracted to. Not about being an FA (didn't know the term back then, but you know what I mean), but also just in general. I don't think most of my friends would talk about this sort of stuff with their parents, either.

Maybe it trends differently for girls than boys on this topic? I don't know, but I'm always just amazed (in a good way, I think it is great!) when I hear of kids actually talking to their parents about anything related to romance.

We'll see how it works out with our son. We've tried to raise him with a lot more openness about feelings than most of my generation received, but we'll see.


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## imfree (Sep 26, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Thanks so much for all the input, Everyone
> 
> It just caught me by surprise......her father was ultra skinny most of his life...whilst I have always "struggled" with my weight in one capacity or another.
> That being said, I have made it a big NO NO NO in my house to put down fat people......and no one is ever allowed to insinuate that any of my daughters are "fat" (they are not....funny how I had to lay this law down hard on my mother though ). The word "diet" has only been used in reference to myself and none of my children have ever been put on one...or ever will be.
> ...



WOW!!!, GEF, what a radical idea!!! What if more people
were to let PROPER function be taught in the home!?!?!?

Just thinking, hmmmmmmmm...
1) Depression would be reduced.
2) Eating disorders would be reduced.
3) The demolition of the diet industry would be assured.
4) The beauty industry, as a whole, would suffer loss.
5) Most people would have more time to be productive.
6) Drunkeness and family war during holidays
would be sharply reduced.

American life, as we know it, could come to an end, OMG!!!


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## Sugarkitten7 (Sep 26, 2008)

Well, about the whole "not telling parents" thing, I think what really made me not tell my parents was they way they talked about people who were not considered skinny. It's one thing to be criticized by peers but being criticized by parents can really take a toll. No matter how much kids say they don't care what their parents think about them, on some subconscious level they always will. 

Come to think of it, my parents did confront me once about my size preference with guys, ironically the phone rang just as they were asking and the conversation was dropped. 

And thanks edx! I love this place already.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 26, 2008)

edx said:


> GEF;
> 
> I never know how much was real and how much was my own perception, fuelled no doubt by my own anxieties, but I certainly never talked to my parents about what I was attracted to. Not about being an FA (didn't know the term back then, but you know what I mean), but also just in general. I don't think most of my friends would talk about this sort of stuff with their parents, either.
> 
> ...



Lol Ed....it's not like she comes running up to me exclaiming all her hopes and joys.....some things I do have to broach with her myself. I worry about her ending up with a man that doesn't treat her right....I worry about her making a mistake that doesn't let her future be all I hope it will be for her. It's not always easy for me to talk to my daughter...at all. But it's important....she is worth the effort....she is worth me pushing aside my silly discomforts and insecurities and I go for it. 
It was extremely hard for me to have the sex and birth control talk- but I managed it.  After that, the boyfriend talks come easy 
Besides....ALL of them come to our home and I meet them. I much prefer this open-ness over her sneaking around with them and I never know who she is with (I did that my own mother so perhaps I learned something? :doh

Funny how this works out....she seems quite comfortable with this arrangement. She doesn't push to go out on dates with older boys, doesn't sneak out and is open enough to tell me about all of them (if I ask  ). It's a bargain we can both live with


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