# Needing Advice :/



## Potatodragon (Sep 11, 2015)

I've been with my bhm for about two years now, he is the kindest, handsomest, warmest, loving man I've ever met. He makes me feel amazing and we love each other so much!

The only thing that bothers me is that he doesnt know that one of the reasons I'm attracted to him is because he is chubby :/ I've dropped hints, told him he's sexy and how attractive I find him, but he just seems confused. I even recently admitted that I found his pot belly attractive. 

I don't know how to explain my feelings without hurting his feelings and I'm so scared of loosing him :/ Please help Xx:wubu:


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## BigChaz (Sep 11, 2015)

If you guys have been together for two years, honestly, you should just lay it out on the table and tell him. You clearly love him and after two years hopefully he feels the same about you. If it's important to you that he knows, then you really just have to tell him.

You don't have to say, "hey I like your fat gut.". Just let him know how you feel in a nice, relaxed, easy going manner one day. It could be as simple as snuggling on the couch watching a movie and just saying something offhand like, "I love your chubby body, it turns me on". 

Clearly you know him better than I do, so say whatever would work


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## Melian (Sep 11, 2015)

Why do you need him to know that you specifically like that he's fat? Do you want to get into more fetish-oriented sex? If nothing is going to change beyond him being able to articulate exactly what you like, then maybe just leave it alone, if you think he's going to be offended.

Honestly though, if he's fat and you've been screwing him for 2 years...he probably knows that you like fat guys.


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## BigChaz (Sep 12, 2015)

You should just punch him in the face and be like, "YOU SMELL BAD"

Then later have a friend give him a note that says, "Do you like potatodragon? Circle yes or no"


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## Amaranthine (Sep 12, 2015)

BigChaz said:


> You should just punch him in the face and be like, "YOU SMELL BAD"
> 
> Then later have a friend give him a note that says, "Do you like potatodragon? Circle yes or no"



I read this without having read the OP's username and felt like I'd missed out on a meme that Google refused to tell me about. 


Just tell him. Communication is pretty crucial in a relationship. I totally get being self-conscious about it, but if you're going to make a long term relationship work, it's probably best to just throw things out there. Just make sure he doesn't misunderstand...like, maybe, think you want him to gain a bunch of weight (well, unless that's the case.)


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## Mordecai (Sep 13, 2015)

Some folks need to just hear things stated concretely - hints don't always work. Like the others said: communication.


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## Potatodragon (Sep 13, 2015)

Thanks guys  lol you made me giggle Bigchaz! 
Yeah I guess I'm not sure if I want to involve it in the bedroom? It certainly helps fantacising about it! Lol But when it comes to reality, I love him just as he is, would be nice if he gained more but I'm not overly fussed. 
I'm too in love with him to ever jepordise his health. One one hand I'm nagging him to eat vegetables while on the other get crazy over him when I watch him eat a Mc D's. Very mixed emotions ^^' 
Like many of you guys probably understand ive been trying to make sence of these feelings for a long time, and haven't opened up to anyone ever :/ this is the first time I've talked about it openly Xx


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## Melian (Sep 14, 2015)

Potatodragon said:


> Thanks guys  lol you made me giggle Bigchaz!
> Yeah I guess I'm not sure if I want to involve it in the bedroom? It certainly helps fantacising about it! Lol But when it comes to reality, I love him just as he is, would be nice if he gained more but I'm not overly fussed.
> I'm too in love with him to ever jepordise his health. One one hand I'm nagging him to eat vegetables while on the other get crazy over him when I watch him eat a Mc D's. Very mixed emotions ^^'
> Like many of you guys probably understand ive been trying to make sence of these feelings for a long time, and haven't opened up to anyone ever :/ this is the first time I've talked about it openly Xx



Totally understand. It seems like such a simple thing - a preference for a common body type - yet it ends up being awkward and potentially confusing for everyone involved.

Take some time and think about what you ultimately want from a relationship and, if you think that you're eventually going to start incorporating fetish stuff into your sex life (even if it's just language that you'll want to use), then you should decide if you want to risk pissing him off by telling him everything. That being said, you may not piss him off at all, but it is one possible outcome.


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## Tad (Sep 14, 2015)

One thought, not fully developed so coming out as a wall of words -- but hopefully it will make some sort of sense. If not, meh, obviously ignore the nonsense, but I’d appreciate it if someone tells me I’m ranting and rambling randomly.

Some attractions simply are, and don’t have much baggage with them (for example, liking long fingers). Some attractions we just don’t know much of why we have them, and they may have a bit of baggage, but are minor enough that people aren’t apt to get in too much of a snit over them (perhaps liking longer finger nails).

But then there are some that come with enough baggage that we are almost forced to take sides on whether we view whatever it is as a good thing and we like it, or if we view it as a weakness and like it anyway, or even view it as a weakness and like it because it is a weakness.

To keep it away from fat for a moment, just to make it less personal, let’s say you were attracted to guys who cross dressed. There is a ton of baggage associated with that, so much that it is hard to ignore. In your head it could be that guys in women’s clothing are showing how they won’t be bound by conventions, are open to other viewpoints, and are more in touch with their own sexuality (decide it is a good thing, and go on liking it). You could feel that it is a weakness, even a flaw in them, but take guilty pleasure in getting turned on by it anyway (possibly mostly having them do it in private, or in hidden ways). Or you could feel that it shows that they are a sissy, weak, and this lets you &#8216;be the man’ and boss them around, and their very weakness is part of the turn-on (“Put on this maid’s uniform and bring me a beer, b***h”). None of these are inherently noble or terrible, it is all how you actually express it in a relationship.

OK, bring that back to liking fat now, I’m sure you can get it, but to say it anyway: do you view a guy being fat as a strength? (He’s bigger, you feel more protected next to him, he isn’t being cowed by social pressures, or whatever). A weakness that you love anyway (He can’t control his appetite nor motivate himself to exercise enough to lose the weight, but you are glad, you just find it so attractive even if that makes you feel a bit guilty). Or a weakness that turns you on? (His lack of self control is simply hot, the thought of feeding him to a massive size never fails to turn you on, you love making him take the stairs at a mall just to hear him panting by the top, and knowing that if you then suggest he get a milkshake he’ll go for it, adding even more calories he’ll have to carry next time).

Knowing what turns you on is pretty key. The categories I presented here are pretty crude and simple, and real feelings will probably tend to sprawl around multiple categories somewhat, but maybe they give you a way to break this down more?

All of which leads into this, in a generic sense, people will be happier about being lusted after for a strength, even if they don’t agree that it is a strength. He may feel his fat is a weakness, but if you make it clear that you see it as a strength, and that strength is part of what turns you on, he’ll hopefully accept that you are a little crazy, but in a benign way that is good for him. Finding out that see it as a weakness, but that is part of what you find attractive about him, might feel a bit like being told he thinks you are lazy, but he likes that in a woman. Now, some specific people will get turned on by their weaknesses (in general, or only by specific ones), but I think that most people aren’t. 

So if it is a weakness to you, you need to decide whether you give him only a partial truth (pretending you think it is a strength, but being honest that you like it), be honest with him and deal with the consequences, or keep it mostly to yourself.

</walloftext>


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## Potatodragon (Sep 15, 2015)

Thanks so much for taking the time to write this, it does make sence and helps clarify a few things for me. 

If I were to be honest I like that he is larger than me, it makes me feel feminine and safe. While I'm also turned on by seeing his fat jiggle and poke out. I enjoy watching him overindulge but I don't like the idea of feeding him to immobility, for me there is a limit and it stops being attractive when a person goes all random shapes lol. 

I recently mentioned to him that I find his large stomach attractive because he wanted to know why my hands always drifted there ^^'. He thaught it was 'weird' but accepted it without further question. For me this was a huge step. 
He recently lost a bit of weight which he was happy about but I admitted I liked him the way he was. He suggested he put it back on or gain more for me, I panicked and said I'd rather he do what makes him happy and feel better, which is true, although deep down I was wanting the latter :/ he is the kind of person who would do anything for me and I guess that makes me guilty too.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Sep 15, 2015)

Potatodragon said:


> he is the kind of person who would do anything for me and I guess that makes me guilty too.



No. It makes you sensitive enough to realize how devoted he is, and responsible enough not to take advantaage of it. Which, in my book, makes you a pretty fine person. :bow:


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## Tad (Sep 15, 2015)

One things to watch out for is that guys can be so happy to know that something turns you on that they can go overboard about it!


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## Potatodragon (Sep 16, 2015)

That's very true, the last thing I'd want to do is abuse that. It's just getting across to him how I feel that's troubling me, think it's just something that's gona take time? 
He seems to understand now that I'm finding his fat attractive, thanks for the advice guys you helped clarify a few things for me and I'm not so worried any more 

How would you suggest is the best way to introduce the whole food in the bedroom idea. Or just letting me feed him in a sexy way sometimes?


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## Tad (Sep 16, 2015)

Have you watched 9 and a half weeks?


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## Potatodragon (Sep 17, 2015)

Just looked into it, not seen it. But wow intence stuff  I'd never ever do that to someone ??


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## Tad (Sep 17, 2015)

There is a famous erotic feeding scene in there, was why I asked.


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## Potatodragon (Sep 17, 2015)

Oh I see, well nope not seen it ^^'


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## dwesterny (Sep 17, 2015)

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ogVT5mpg6c"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ogVT5mpg6c[/ame]


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## Xyantha Reborn (Sep 17, 2015)

...has been drinking.
...is now traumatized!!!

Thx Dwes!


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## Tad (Sep 18, 2015)

Here is the scene I was thinking of. Not promising that it will appeal to either of you, but at the same time it can give some idea of the possible eroticism of focusing on the sensuality of food (not to mention of having to track what is going on without sight)

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGB2lGyDrTw[/ame]


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## Dr. Feelgood (Sep 18, 2015)

What's so erotic about a picture of a woman eating a mouse?


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## dwesterny (Sep 18, 2015)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> What's so erotic about a picture of a woman eating a mouse?


I think it's a shrew, much more erotic than a mouse.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk


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## Potatodragon (Sep 18, 2015)

Nah I think my needs are much simpler  just being able to pop a couple of chocolates in his mouth during would be enough for me lol, licking off chocolate would also be fun ;D or just being able to feed him my home made food (I'm a bloody good cook  ) He is very protective over his food (kinda like a dog) just want him to let me get involved I guess


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## Potatodragon (Sep 18, 2015)

As for the erotic shrew... WTF?? Lol I think that's a whole other fettish


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## Dr. Feelgood (Sep 18, 2015)

Potatodragon said:


> As for the erotic shrew... WTF?? Lol I think that's a whole other fettish



It's also a chillingly accurate description of my ex-wife.


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## Potatodragon (Nov 9, 2015)

So I finally did it, I told him how his stomach made me feel, he seemed super confused and found it 'weird' and funny'. But accepted it I guess.
Although lately he's put quite a bit more weight on and it's driving me to distraction, he can't fasten any of his jeans and his best shirts are straining. He's frustrated and said he wants to get to the gym and blames me for feeding him :S eeep! Didn't realise I was and feeling a bit responsible for enabling, I mean it's really difficult to say no when u get so turned on watching him gorge himself :S


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## Xyantha Reborn (Nov 10, 2015)

Grats! It is a pretty liberating feeling, and is very scary to do. :bow: And I am very glad that he reacted relatively well to it!

As much as we like to think we are not enabling because we don't encourage them to stuff themselves or eat desert all the time, I think FFA often fall into other pitfalls. Like, food is almost always chosen to celebrate - new job? hard day? let's go for a nice dinner/lets indulge!. If their resolve cracks, we sense it a mile away and never want to tell them no! Or even just telling them they look _amazing_ when what we mean is you look _fat_!

This is just my opinion, but it works well for me. 

Try to make it clearer when you are being a naughty little enabler (hey, it happens) and when you are being a supportive partner. That way, you can have moments of being bad...and he _knows_ you are being bad. Then, you can be supportive of his choices and lifestyle the rest of the time. The only challenge (in my experience) is that if this isn't done, he can feel like you are kind of sabotaging him at every turn, even if all you did was make dinner.

Again, this is just my opinion. My hubby knows my preferences very well, but he is at the upper reach of his comfortable weight range, and he is also highly sensitive to sodium. This means that his diet is relatively controlled and I actually spend a great deal of time cooking foods from scratch he can no longer enjoy from restaurants. There are times when I let my inner naughty FFA out and tease him he should have more or shamelessly eye him and purr when he overeats - but I make it obvious I am tempting him to the gingerbread house, and it is equally obvious that he is overeating simply by my response. 

And some of the time I balance it by being more like "Um, the WHOLE bag of chips? Really?" or "...that is a lot of butter..." That way there is a balance and he doesn't feel like I am relentlessly shoving food down his face (or at least shoving food in his way constantly). 

And occasionally (as people on teamspeak have probably heard) there are times when I let him starve . That actually allows HIM room to tease me about food, and solicit attention and food - "You are the WORST FFA ever - what fat admirer doesn't feed her husband!?!" I think that soliciting is important because it gives some of the control back to them. They generally get chunky because of a "lack of control" around food - and our real or perceived enabling makes them feel even less in control. There are day's when my guy purposefully indulges simply because he knows I enjoy it, and I needed a pick me up. It allows him to realize that he can control me/my emotions with food and his body...not just me controlling his mood via food. 

Hope that makes sense (written pre-coffee ingestion)


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## Tad (Nov 10, 2015)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Grats! It is a pretty liberating feeling, and is very scary to do. :bow: And I am very glad that he reacted relatively well to it!
> 
> As much as we like to think we are not enabling because we don't encourage them to stuff themselves or eat desert all the time, I think FFA often fall into other pitfalls. Like, food is almost always chosen to celebrate - new job? hard day? let's go for a nice dinner/lets indulge!. If their resolve cracks, we sense it a mile away and never want to tell them no! Or even just telling them they look _amazing_ when what we mean is you look _fat_!



I'm a male FA, but the issues of living with an FA are broadly similar, I think.

The metaphor that I like to use is to think of your partner as a sail boat, and living with you means they are experiencing a constant wind blowing them toward 'Fatland.' The easiest possible thing is to not actively sail at all, and just drift where the wind blows you. Hopefully most adults take more control of their lives than that, but most of us drift at least some of the time...and when they do, they will drift in that direction.

And then, if they want to get farther from the shores of Fatland, they need to tack back and forth, since there will never really be a wind blowing them away from those soft shores. That takes work, and time. Even if they are willing to just sail across the wind, getting neither noticeably closer or farther away, that takes some focus on the topic.

It is certainly easier to control your weight if you are living with someone who doesn't blow either way, or blows you away from Fatland in a gentle fashion (if you tend to being fat, being blown harshly away from those shores is probably not going to be a pleasant experience). But it is very hard for an FA to change their on-shore breeze for any prolonged length of time -- they may be able to moderate it, to make it gentle rather than brisk, but it is extremely hard to make it blow differently.

FA's have to accept that we have this influence, and do what we can to help our partners trim their sales appropriately to that wind and their desired destinations. And our partners need to come to accept that this is part of the reality of being with us. It may not be their favorite thing about us all of the time, but it is part of the package that even when we are being 'good' our influence is still apt to be towards fatter rather than thinner.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Nov 10, 2015)

That is an amazing analogy and so well said, Tad.


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## dwesterny (Nov 10, 2015)

I agree the wind analogy is very apt.I think most fat guys just want an FFA who will blow them the right way. giggity


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## MsBrightside (Nov 10, 2015)

dwesterny said:


> I agree the wind analogy is very apt.I think most fat guys just want an FFA who will blow them the right way. giggity


LOL! I'm so glad I set my soda down on the table before reading this. 

It's good to know that we can always count on you for insightful comments like these.


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## Melian (Nov 10, 2015)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> That is an amazing analogy and so well said, Tad.



Agreed!



dwesterny said:


> I agree the wind analogy is very apt.I think most fat guys just want an FFA who will blow them the right way. giggity



Hurrhurrhurr


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## Potatodragon (Nov 10, 2015)

Lol oh dear 
Ye I agree, thanks guys! Its something I already do, not out of manipulation rather out of respect for my partner. I also naturally want to put his wellbeing before my own fetish. But yes, occasionally I slip. I'll probably have to explain the eating / food fetish eventually too, but for now I'll just let him come to terms with the fact I like his fat ^^" Will keep you guys updated! Thanks for the advice Xx


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## Potatodragon (Jan 11, 2016)

Found out a few days ago that he's gained 2 stone since we started going out  I'm loving it, but think despite me telling him I love his belly he's going to try and loose it after all ^^' *sigh* enjoy it while it lasts I guess!.
.. but on the other hand he's been talking about going the gym for two years... Not gone yet...


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