# Fat pride



## Surlysomething (Jun 21, 2007)

I'm sure this has been done before but I can't find a thread myself.

I'm curious though...are you proud that you're fat? Or just proud of yourself?


I'm not proud of my fat but I sure and proud of who I am, how I handle myself, how I take pride in my appearance etc. I'm not proud that i'm overweight though. Just like I wouldn't be proud if I was thin or anorexic. Taking care of myself the best way I can is what makes me proud.


I hope this makes sense, i'm not posting it to offend anyone. I'm just curious if you walk down the street and think, "wow, i'm so fat! i'm so proud of being fat!"

I'm Tina first and foremost. Not Fat Tina.


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## Usagi (Jun 21, 2007)

Eh, no fat pride for me.


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## Sandie S-R (Jun 21, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I'm sure this has been done before but I can't find a thread myself.
> 
> I'm curious though...are you proud that you're fat? Or just proud of yourself?
> 
> ...



I would agree with you. I am proud of who I am, and my accomplishments, etc. No, I'm not *proud* of my fat, but then again, I am also not *ashamed* of it, either.


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## HottiMegan (Jun 21, 2007)

me too, proud of myself regardless of how much fat i'm carrying. If i were a size 8 i'd still be me and have my accomplishments and what have you.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 21, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Eh, no fat pride for me.



how come? everyone should be proud of what they are.


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## ashmamma84 (Jun 21, 2007)

I'll say, I'm proud of my body --it's a gorgeous, voluptuous shape, which also happens to be fat. So yes, I've got fat pride, just like I have lesbian pride, just like I have black pride. They are all apart of me --they don't wholly define who are I am, but they sure do influence how I think, how I (re)act, etc.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 21, 2007)

I don't understand this at all. I've gotten into some heated debates on this topic and no one's been able to convince me that fat isn't something to be proud of. If you're fat, and you love being fat, and you dress to articulate your body shape and make it into an aesthetic, sure it's not everything you are, but why isn't it something to have pride in? And why not have pride in being thin either? I mean, your body isn't who you are, but it's a representation of you, just like your mind is; it's something you're displaying to the world and hopefully shaping or framing to suit your tastes. and then there's the political aspects. choosing to be fat and proud is making a statement in the face of body-conscious america, separating fat from ugly, a comparison most non-FAs take for granted because they've never had to think about it. I'm damn proud of my body and what I do to it. It's not everything that I am, but neither is one's ethnicity or orientation. I've heard the argument that being fat isn't something you earned, so you shouldn't have pride in it. But what you're earning is your status; making your body relevant, attractive. No one should have to have the body they don't want, and it's sad that most people would choose to go thin if they could snap their fingers and do so. But if you're stuck with something (and that's assuming one hasn't tried to diet, exercise, etc to get the body they really do want), why not FIND pride in it? what is its effect on the opposite or same sex? does it feel nice to move around in? does it make you confident? and most importantly, does it inspire confidence in others? for instance, i'd expect the models here to have that pride when newcomers who still haven't accepted themselves can see a similar body to theirs being portrayed as sexy, which they're not used to. just like gay pride, or pride in one's race or heritage, there is plenty to be proud of in our born traits just as much as our learned ones.


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## bigplaidpants (Jun 21, 2007)

Geesh. I wish Magnoliagrows had time to get online. (We're visiting family out-of-state).

We went to the local water park today with our 3 and 6 year old girls. She had her new backless LLBean tankini. Proud? Hell, yeah! Both of us. She looked like a $1,000,000. Voluptuous, round, proud. Filled it out with both grace and generousity. :wubu: 

"In-your-face-I'm-fat-proud"? No. You don't need that when you're in a swimsuit. Things are a bit self-explanatory. I just liked being with her.

Love me girl! Plus, 10 years of marriage this July. We're proud of that, too.


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## Shosh (Jun 21, 2007)

Hi, Good question. I really really struggle with being proud of being fat. Some days I feel ok, but others I feel ashamed. I see other women who are big and think that they are beautiful, but have not been able to say that about myself.
I think it is also hard for a person who is thin to understand why we are not always proud of it. If they had been through the torment of it all they may understand. Having said that I do appreciate the support that they give.
I had a thought that maybe I would stand in front of the mirror each morning and give myself positive affirmations, as a good way to start the day.
Susannah


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## bigplaidpants (Jun 21, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> I don't understand this at all. I've gotten into some heated debates on this topic and no one's been able to convince me that fat isn't something to be proud of. If you're fat, and you love being fat, and you dress to articulate your body shape and make it into an aesthetic, sure it's not everything you are, but why isn't it something to have pride in? And why not have pride in being thin either? I mean, your body isn't who you are, but it's a representation of you, just like your mind is; it's something you're displaying to the world and hopefully shaping or framing to suit your tastes. and then there's the political aspects. choosing to be fat and proud is making a statement in the face of body-conscious america, separating fat from ugly, a comparison most non-FAs take for granted because they've never had to think about it. I'm damn proud of my body and what I do to it. It's not everything that I am, but neither is one's ethnicity or orientation. I've heard the argument that being fat isn't something you earned, so you shouldn't have pride in it. But what you're earning is your status; making your body relevant, attractive. No one should have to have the body they don't want, and it's sad that most people would choose to go thin if they could snap their fingers and do so. But if you're stuck with something (and that's assuming one hasn't tried to diet, exercise, etc to get the body they really do want), why not FIND pride in it? what is its effect on the opposite or same sex? does it feel nice to move around in? does it make you confident? and most importantly, does it inspire confidence in others? for instance, i'd expect the models here to have that pride when newcomers who still haven't accepted themselves can see a similar body to theirs being portrayed as sexy, which they're not used to. just like gay pride, or pride in one's race or heritage, there is plenty to be proud of in our born traits just as much as our learned ones.



Thanks, dan. May I say?....spoken like a true FA.

I have to agree with you.....not only as a FA, but also some kind of fat guy. I'm not SS. But, I have to accept the way I look in a swim suit every summer...I can't stay away from the water. I used to be so self-conscious of me manboobs, me belly, etc. But, I'm out-growing that. (no pun intended  ) I'm still wedge-shaped, bigger around my chest (48 or so) than my waist (38). Firm hands, proportioned arms. I've been this shape my whole life. Why not strive to be proud?

I know there are those so much bigger; I'm trying to generalize for everyone. But, I wanted to say struggle with body image, too.

Is it too damn romantic to claim?: We are all beautiful. Why not strive to be proud!


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## exile in thighville (Jun 21, 2007)

Susannah said:


> Hi, Good question. I really really struggle with being proud of being fat. Some days I feel ok, but others I feel ashamed. I see other women who are big and think that they are beautiful, but have not been able to say that about myself.
> I think it is also hard for a person who is thin to understand why we are not always proud of it. If they had been through the torment of it all they may understand. Having said that I do appreciate the support that they give.
> I had a thought that maybe I would stand in front of the mirror each morning and give myself positive affirmations, as a good way to start the day.
> Susannah



thin people get tormented for other reasons. i got picked on for my "jew nose", "giraffe neck" and "triangle face," but i'm happy as hell with them. i just wish i had less stupid looking glasses at that age.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 21, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> Thanks, dan. May I say?....spoken like a true FA.
> 
> I have to agree with you.....not only as a FA, but also some kind of fat guy. I'm not SS. But, I have to accept the way I look in a swim suit every summer...I can't stay away from the water. I used to be so self-conscious of me manboobs, me belly, etc. But, I'm out-growing that. (no pun intended  ) I'm still wedge-shaped, bigger around my chest (48 or so) than my waist (38). Firm hands, proportioned arms. I've been this shape my whole life. Why not strive to be proud?
> 
> ...



very poetic. i mean, you're only given one body. might as well show it off. i like to say that fat is an acquired taste, though i personally can't get into "accepted" acquired tastes like smelly cheeses, jazz or fancy wines. so maybe it deserves better. "punk rock" maybe? it certainly takes balls to remain fat instead of conforming to the image society pressures us to. and even if someone's only fat because they're extremely lazy, it takes balls to endure the shit they'll take for it anyway.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 21, 2007)

I'm proud of my big fat boobs and big fat butt- especially when I realize they landed me a date 

Seriously though, I am most proud of the inner me


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## furious styles (Jun 21, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> thin people get tormented for other reasons. i got picked on for my "jew nose", "giraffe neck" and "triangle face," but i'm happy as hell with them. i just wish i had less stupid looking glasses at that age.



jew neck.

seriously though, everyone is tormented. and the kids that torment are the ones that end up throwing themselves out an office window at 35.


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 21, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> I don't understand this at all. I've gotten into some heated debates on this topic and no one's been able to convince me that fat isn't something to be proud of. If you're fat, and you love being fat, and you dress to articulate your body shape and make it into an aesthetic, sure it's not everything you are, but why isn't it something to have pride in? And why not have pride in being thin either? I mean, your body isn't who you are, but it's a representation of you, just like your mind is; it's something you're displaying to the world and hopefully shaping or framing to suit your tastes. and then there's the political aspects. choosing to be fat and proud is making a statement in the face of body-conscious america, separating fat from ugly, a comparison most non-FAs take for granted because they've never had to think about it. I'm damn proud of my body and what I do to it. It's not everything that I am, but neither is one's ethnicity or orientation. I've heard the argument that being fat isn't something you earned, so you shouldn't have pride in it. But what you're earning is your status; making your body relevant, attractive. No one should have to have the body they don't want, and it's sad that most people would choose to go thin if they could snap their fingers and do so. But if you're stuck with something (and that's assuming one hasn't tried to diet, exercise, etc to get the body they really do want), why not FIND pride in it? what is its effect on the opposite or same sex? does it feel nice to move around in? does it make you confident? and most importantly, does it inspire confidence in others? for instance, i'd expect the models here to have that pride when newcomers who still haven't accepted themselves can see a similar body to theirs being portrayed as sexy, which they're not used to. just like gay pride, or pride in one's race or heritage, there is plenty to be proud of in our born traits just as much as our learned ones.




I agree.
I was actually going to do a blog with this as a part of it. I might still do that.  
But anyways...
You're right.... everyone deserves pride in the things that are a part of them (Though there are exceptions). Being fat shouldn't be any exception. Obviously excessive pride is never a good thing, but you should definitely love the skin you are in. You have to love yourself whether you wish to change or not: Whether that's weight loss, or a new hairdo, or whatever. It's about being ok with yourself.
All the groups you listed: I still agree.  
Obviously supremacy with the intent of hatred of other people is bad, but pride and supremacy are different.
Black Pride? If it's not supremacy: Sure
White Pride? Ibid
Thin Pride? Ibid
Fat Pride? Ibid
Gay Pride? Ibid
You can still have views of equality and believe in pride. There's nothing wrong with that. Obviously you shouldn't shove it in people's face whom don't want to hear necessarily, but those are the times when you can be open-ended. Rather than saying you are proud of yourself, you can say that everyone deserves pride. That shouldn't be taken away from anyone: Whether they are straight, gay, fat, thin, short, tall, black, chinese, white, korean, whatever!
Each thing is an integral part of you. Hone those things.
I have the Puerto-Rican flag tattooed on my left arm, and the Pan African Flag on my right arm. I'm not eltist: I just have pride. Those are the ethnic groups that are the major part of me. It's just me... all I can say when asked is tell them the origin and a little background information (And/or when I got them). 

Thanks Dan.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 21, 2007)

mfdoom said:


> jew neck.
> 
> seriously though, everyone is tormented. and the kids that torment are the ones that end up throwing themselves out an office window at 35.



see, i like jewneck. if they called me that, i wouldn't have gone in for neck reduction surgery


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## exile in thighville (Jun 21, 2007)

Jon Blaze said:


> I agree.
> I was actually going to do a blog with this as a part of it. I might still do that.
> But anyways...
> You're right.... everyone deserves pride in the things that are a part of them (Though there are exceptions). Being fat shouldn't be any exception. Obviously excessive pride is never a good thing, but you should definitely love the skin you are in. You have to love yourself whether you wish to change or not: Whether that's weight loss, or a new hairdo, or whatever. It's about being ok with yourself.
> ...



oh yeah, agreed on all counts, like supremacy is a whole other matzo ball that implies like, competition between two different kinds of pride. that's where pride gets nasty...when it becomes overgrown to a point of supressing someone else's pride.


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## Sandie S-R (Jun 21, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> I don't understand this at all. I've gotten into some heated debates on this topic and no one's been able to convince me that fat isn't something to be proud of. If you're fat, and you love being fat, and you dress to articulate your body shape and make it into an aesthetic, sure it's not everything you are, but why isn't it something to have pride in? And why not have pride in being thin either? I mean, your body isn't who you are, but it's a representation of you, just like your mind is; it's something you're displaying to the world and hopefully shaping or framing to suit your tastes. and then there's the political aspects. choosing to be fat and proud is making a statement in the face of body-conscious america, separating fat from ugly, a comparison most non-FAs take for granted because they've never had to think about it. I'm damn proud of my body and what I do to it. It's not everything that I am, but neither is one's ethnicity or orientation. I've heard the argument that being fat isn't something you earned, so you shouldn't have pride in it. But what you're earning is your status; making your body relevant, attractive. No one should have to have the body they don't want, and it's sad that most people would choose to go thin if they could snap their fingers and do so. But if you're stuck with something (and that's assuming one hasn't tried to diet, exercise, etc to get the body they really do want), why not FIND pride in it? what is its effect on the opposite or same sex? does it feel nice to move around in? does it make you confident? and most importantly, does it inspire confidence in others? for instance, i'd expect the models here to have that pride when newcomers who still haven't accepted themselves can see a similar body to theirs being portrayed as sexy, which they're not used to. just like gay pride, or pride in one's race or heritage, there is plenty to be proud of in our born traits just as much as our learned ones.



I never said that I didn't take pride in my body and how I dress and carry myself. I just don't feel proud of my body fat, any more than I am proud of my blonde hair or blue eyes. They are just a fact of me, and I am neither proud nor ashamed of any of the things that compose my looks.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 22, 2007)

Sandie S-R said:


> I just don't feel proud of my body fat, any more than I am proud of my blonde hair or blue eyes. They are just a fact of me, and I am neither proud nor ashamed of any of the things that compose my looks.




I agree. I like your reply.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 22, 2007)

Sandie S-R said:


> I never said that I didn't take pride in my body and how I dress and carry myself. I just don't feel proud of my body fat, any more than I am proud of my blonde hair or blue eyes. They are just a fact of me, and I am neither proud nor ashamed of any of the things that compose my looks.



i wouldn't necessarily say what you're referring to, the physical characteristic, body fat, is the source of "fat pride" though. fat pride is like, pride in the state of being fat. the gravity of it, the form. i hope that's not too vague? like, you're not being your body fat.


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## Usagi (Jun 22, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> how come? everyone should be proud of what they are.



Eh...I don't really have anything to be proud of. I don't see being fat as something to be happy with so, I'm not happy with myself.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 22, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Eh...I don't really have anything to be proud of. I don't see being fat as something to be happy with so, I'm not happy with myself.



take a look around here. see how the guys on the weight board/paysite board and girls on the bhm/ffa board go crazy for the fatties. eventually you'll get the picture.


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## Tooz (Jun 22, 2007)

I guess I am proud of who and what I am. People who kind of waffle around about it bother me. Either come to terms with it or work to change it. There were times I really had issues with my body, but those are slowly starting to melt away. Having a body like this might give me more trials in life, but it also makes the sweet things so much sweeter. Also, this can go for things on a different level, as well. I have worked hard to get where I am. I have a right to a little pride.

I guess I do have fat pride.


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## SamanthaNY (Jun 22, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Eh...I don't really have anything to be proud of. I don't see being fat as something to be happy with so, I'm not happy with myself.





dan ex machina said:


> take a look around here. see how the guys on the weight board/paysite board and girls on the bhm/ffa board go crazy for the fatties. eventually you'll get the picture.



So... the message there is "you should feel proud of your body just because others think it's hot", Dan?


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## Zandoz (Jun 22, 2007)

I'd have to say none of the above. To borrow an old saying, "I am what I am, and that's all that I am". Not proud...not ashamed.

When ever I see a discussion of pride, a line from a movie I saw many years ago comes to mind. It went something like "all the pride in the world plus a nickle won't get you a bad cup of coffee". I wish I could remember the movie, or even the actor, but I don't. Hopefully, I did not mangle the line too badly.


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## Tooz (Jun 22, 2007)

SamanthaNY said:


> So... the message there is "you should feel proud of your body just because others think it's hot", Dan?



Give him a break, I don't think that's what he meant. I took it as accepting that others appreciate it, you too can learn to.


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## imfree (Jun 22, 2007)

For a while, I thought I was proud to be fat. Now that I'm 52 and
420 lbs at 5'8", I'm dealing with the issues. My overwhelming sexual desire to
be this obese is killing me. I'm managing as well as a person in my situation
can and I'll be OK. Even if I die today, I will still have outlived a lot of people
who looked healthier than me. I'm not proud to be fat, but I'm happy with my
life and expect to live for a good many years, especially since my diabetes is
under control and my magnesium deficiency is being corrected.


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## bigplaidpants (Jun 22, 2007)

SamanthaNY said:


> So... the message there is "you should feel proud of your body just because others think it's hot", Dan?



I think the deeper message is, SamanthaNY, is that the honest adoration and appreciation of others should count. 

Who would argue?: The positive regard and adoration of others is often an important vehicle for developing our own. 

Let's take this to an even more annoying analysis: The fundamental reality is that our view of ourselves - no matter how determined by our own decisions, opinions, etc. - are partially influenced and impacted by others. No one lives in a vacuum. Diminsions exists as a niche of those who truly love fat and the fat form - male and female. Why no exploit that for a more positive view of yourself?

That seems the question.....

In sum: 



Tooz said:


> ....as accepting that others appreciate it, you too can learn to.



Why not?


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## mossystate (Jun 22, 2007)

Plaid, I agree about the vacuum , and I also agree that we are sponges, that we take in the good, bad and somewhere in between.

I would say that even faking confidence can lead to a road, or at least a rocky path, to actual confidence. I like that I know there are men out here who find me attractive, that is something I think we all agree on ( not my being attractive..*L*..that it is a 'rush' of sorts and that it is certainly pleasant )

Now, the 'problem' comes into play when a person depends too heavily on the strokes they get out here ( or anywhere ). That is where the waters become muddy. I see women here who get huge praise for their looks, but they are still depressed, lonely..etc. Is the praise nice?..sure..but I would suggest that some men step back and realize that they are not responsible for that womans confidence..and they are not gods for praising.

I see all of it out here, and noone, in terms of 'groups' is perfect. I am simply responding to the comments I hear a lot out here and especially in chat ( I think that is only because all parties involved are present, at that moment ). I have seen men truly baffled at women who are not just throwing down any insecurities they might have..after a kind ( and in many cases, predator like ) word uttered.

Anyhoo..I guess to get to our (general our) true selves and how we take in what is around us, we have to back up off things now and then..and start questioning.


In terms of being proud of my fat...nah...I like aspects of it..I dislike aspects of it.


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## butch (Jun 22, 2007)

The things coming up in this thread remind me of TallFatSue's sig line. She writes that she enjoys being tall and fat because she feels strong and soft, and I think that is where my fat pride comes from, too. For me, my size metaphorically represents the characteristics of strength, solidness, and softness. Strength and solidness also symbolizes dependability, and softness symbolizes empathy and love to me, and I value those traits very much. Being fat, and enjoying the interplay of my consciousness with the mechanics of my body helps me to work towards manifesting those characteristics in my own personality as much as possible. 

Being mindful of this dynamic in my own mind also helps me not to get caught up too much in what fat bodies have traditionally represented: sloth, gluttony, selfishness, dirtiness, stupidity, and so on. So maybe fat pride, on a basic level, is just a rejection of the negative stereotypes associated with fat bodies?


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## Usagi (Jun 22, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> I think the deeper message is, SamanthaNY, is that the honest adoration and appreciation of others should count.
> 
> Who would argue?: The positive regard and adoration of others is often an important vehicle for developing our own.



Sorry but after years of negative appreciation, men on the net who like fat chicks really don't help much. It won't change the fact that when I look in the mirror I see an ugly, fat piece of shit and it makes me sick to my stomach.

So yeah, no pride at all for me.


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## mossystate (Jun 22, 2007)

butch said:


> So maybe fat pride, on a basic level, is just a rejection of the negative stereotypes associated with fat bodies?



I can accept this last line..in fact..I rather like it.


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## AnnMarie (Jun 22, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Sorry but after years of negative appreciation, men on the net who like fat chicks really don't help much. It won't change the fact that when I look in the mirror I see an ugly, fat piece of shit and it makes me sick to my stomach.
> 
> So yeah, no pride at all for me.



I really hope that being here enlightens you to another way of viewing yourself. I REALLY wish that for you, because that post is probably close to the most miserable I've heard on these boards. 

Maybe you should just read around and take some of this in, see if you can internalize it and start to see it's "possible" to see yourself in a different light. If you don't want the attention from the men (perfectly understandable) then try to learn from the words of the women who've already made the journey and see what you can learn from us. 

And lastly, _if for some reason_ you're here with no intention or desire to feel different about yourself, then the attitude you just displayed will prove counterproductive on these boards. 

Best to you.


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## Dj Zulu (Jun 22, 2007)

Proud to be fat? Not sure that fits with me, most days I'm proud to be me and I'm fat. Some days I have a "bad belly day" It's like a bad hair day, well at least I think because I haven't had hair since 1989.......

What that said, I remember back in I believe 96 or 97 when they did the million pound march in Southern Calfornia and me wanting to be there just to look at all the eye candy. Places that are fat friendly or fat community are empowering and I guess that's prideful (help me out if that's not a word).

With this week being Gay Pride weekend in most areas of the US I think this is a good thread.


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## T_Devil (Jun 22, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Sorry but after years of negative appreciation, men on the net who like fat chicks really don't help much. It won't change the fact that when I look in the mirror I see an ugly, fat piece of shit and it makes me sick to my stomach.
> 
> So yeah, no pride at all for me.


You have no pride at all?

I just find it hard to believe a person will let what other idiots tell them to be beaten into some kind useless heap of wasted human potential. You are what you see in the mirror. If you see yourself as....and I'm using YOUR words here...."an ugly, fat piece of shit" then that's all you're ever going to see.

I'm not going to tell you that it doesn't have to be that way, you already know that. I'm not going to tell you that you are the one to have to take that first step into taking some measure of pride in yourself, you know that as well.

I'm not proud of my fat, but I don't curse it either. I'm indifferent about it. It doesn't affect how I see myself in the mirror. My reflection doesn't show me a sad sack of shit. No, what I see is a person that has overcome a lot in life and a person still alive to tell the tale. THAT is my pride.

I'm a big guy. That is my label. No one asked me if I wanted the bone structure I have or the fat content I have. I could change my fat content if I didn't eat as much crap and walked more, but I don't and I take responsibility for that.

Your pride is what you make it. No one is going to give it too you. At this point, anything positive that is said is just going to seem like lip service no matter how sincere it seems. It's your choice to believe them or not. I know, "years of negative appreciation" has done a number on your self appreciation. You know what though? You don't have to live in the ruins, you can rebuild. You can even be better than what you were! But you have to see that within yourself first. 

You see what you want to see and until you change your perception, what you see is what you are always going to see. And the way you currently see yourself, I'd rather die than see that in my reflection, that's why I don't see it.

PS,
if this seems like an attack, it isn't. Sometimes the truth stings a little bit and the harsh reality has to be spoken. Sometimes acceptance doesn't come with a warm feeling, but rather it comes from a need to end the cold and dark feeling in your own guts. Sometimes the light of the truth hurts to see, but then you adjust your eyes.... and things become clear.

_*Believe me.*_


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## Surlysomething (Jun 22, 2007)

bigplaidpants said:


> Diminsions exists as a niche of those who truly love fat and the fat form - male and female.





as a friend said to me.."at the heart, Dimensions really is a fetish site"


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## Dj Zulu (Jun 22, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> as a friend said to me.."at the heart, Dimensions really is a fetish site"



You "REALLY" think Dimensions is a fetish site or was this a joke? 
If Dimensions is a fetish site, then we aren't really a community and while I go back and forth on what the fat community is....I know darn well it's not a fetish.

If you weren't serious, I apologize in advance.


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## AnnMarie (Jun 22, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> as a friend said to me.."at the heart, Dimensions really is a fetish site"



I could not disagree with that more.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 22, 2007)

Dj Zulu said:


> You "REALLY" think Dimensions is a fetish site or was this a joke?
> If Dimensions is a fetish site, then we aren't really a community and while I go back and forth on what the fat community is....I know darn well it's not a fetish.
> 
> If you weren't serious, I apologize in advance.




Celebrating it and acknowleding it the way "we" do is for sure fetish behaviour. 

_Dictionary.com - "any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion"_

_Urban dictionary - "A fetish in this case is one of two things; 
Either, an enjoyment of any deviance from societies percieved normal, of any nature.
Or an over-enjoyment, over-indulgence in something which is widely accepted as a normal within defined limits."_

And why can't I think what I want to think? Isn't that what the board is for, sharing ideas and thoughts?


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## AnnMarie (Jun 22, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Give him a break, I don't think that's what he meant. I took it as accepting that others appreciate it, you too can learn to.



I agree, that's how I took it.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 22, 2007)

I don't have a problem with anyone disagreeing with me.


It's an opinion, everyone has one.



I'm curious about people's thoughts and feelings on being fat. Like I said in my first post, i'm proud of ME. Being a big person is part of that but I don't wave a flag announcing my weight. I like this community because it's accepting, but if I can't express my feelings, you're all just like everyone else. No?


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## AnnMarie (Jun 22, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I don't have a problem with anyone disagreeing with me.
> 
> 
> It's an opinion, everyone has one.
> ...



Did someone say you couldn't express your feelings? I'm confused by that only because there are many responses to the thread, all positive in my eyes... just different ways people feel.

I didn't even argue the post you made about Dimensions as a fetish site, just stated that I disagree. Also, you said a friend said that... so I wasn't even disagreeing with you.


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## ekmanifest (Jun 22, 2007)

butch said:


> So maybe fat pride, on a basic level, is just a rejection of the negative stereotypes associated with fat bodies?



I guess I don't take pride in being fat because it isn't something I've worked to achieve, actually spent so many years trying to unachieve it  

I do take pride in my appearance and am proud that I am a beautiful and sexy woman - but that is about much more than fat.


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## Tooz (Jun 22, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> as a friend said to me.."at the heart, Dimensions really is a fetish site"



Um. No? Can you really say that? Yeah, there are some fetish-y things that happen here, but Dimensions is SO much more than that. I was NOT aware that discussing equality, discrimination and fat people in the media was fetish activity.


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## TallFatSue (Jun 22, 2007)

Generally I'm no more proud of my fat than I'm proud to have big feet, nor am I ashamed of it. Mostly I'm proud of myself, without being toooo vain about it. Now that I'm 50, I can see that I've had the good sense to make some very good decisions in life which are now paying dividends. So I'm proud of all of me, and I gotta be me. 

On the other hand, I love my fat because it has literally shaped me as a person, both physically and mentally. As I've said many a time, obesity has helped teach me what is and is not truly important in life, and forced me to think independently and creatively. I didn't try to gain so much weight, but I didn't try to stop either, and I'm delighted it's been so good for me. So I'm proud of my fat insomuch as it has made me a better person. 

As long as I'm happy and healthy (knock on wood -- ow, my head!) my fat is more than welcome stay right where it is. Besides, I'm just vain enough to think all this fat looks great on me.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 23, 2007)

SamanthaNY said:


> So... the message there is "you should feel proud of your body just because others think it's hot", Dan?



i don't see why not. having even one other person justify that your body is attractive, that you affected someone and made them take notice of you, that's not the first step to building confidence in one's appearance?


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## exile in thighville (Jun 23, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Sorry but after years of negative appreciation, men on the net who like fat chicks really don't help much. It won't change the fact that when I look in the mirror I see an ugly, fat piece of shit and it makes me sick to my stomach.
> 
> So yeah, no pride at all for me.



these men on the net do exist in real life. it's truly gut-wrenching to me that you feel that way; if i could remove society's stigma about fat with a wave of my hand, believe me i would. i'm not gonna play doctor, but you want to seek a support group or help for body image issues. it's not kosher to walk around thinking of yourself as a piece of shit.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 23, 2007)

mossystate said:


> I can accept this last line..in fact..I rather like it.



agreed, and why not take pride in the courage to rebel that it requires to reject that negative majority in the first place? there are loads of ways to derive pride from one's body, fat, thin, big, small, tall, short, anything.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 23, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> as a friend said to me.."at the heart, Dimensions really is a fetish site"



it is a fetish site. and many other things. your friend's very cynical. what's his/her problem with fetishes?


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## exile in thighville (Jun 23, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Celebrating it and acknowleding it the way "we" do is for sure fetish behaviour.
> 
> _Dictionary.com - "any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion"_
> 
> ...



and also, do i really have to say this again? fat admiration is a preference, feederism is a fetish. would you call a gay forum a "fetish" site?


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## exile in thighville (Jun 23, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I don't have a problem with anyone disagreeing with me.
> 
> 
> It's an opinion, everyone has one.
> ...



if you don't have a problem being disagreed with, why are you accusing us of stifling your expression? i'm sorry if i'm argumentative; i love to debate and i'm very passionate, especially when it's something that hits close to home for me. believe what you want about whether or not dimensions serves a purpose more than being masturbatable...it is whatever you take from it. to answer your original question of whether fat pride is legit or not, you may not wave a flag announcing your weight, but many here do.


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## furious styles (Jun 23, 2007)

this thread makes me happy my girlfriend is as relatively confident as she is. not flaunting, not boisterous, not even vocal at all per se, just "with it."


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 23, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> these men on the net do exist in real life. it's truly gut-wrenching to me that you feel that way; if i could remove society's stigma about fat with a wave of my hand, believe me i would. i'm not gonna play doctor, but you want to seek a support group or help for body image issues. it's not kosher to walk around thinking of yourself as a piece of shit.



Go easy on her Dan: She's very new to this whole world. You've got to keep yourself open-ended with this until she's had time to experience this area. I'm sure with time Usagi will learn the confidence within herself. Her presence here might just help that come out quicker.


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## liz (di-va) (Jun 23, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I'm curious though...are you proud that you're fat? Or just proud of yourself?
> I'm not proud of my fat but I sure and proud of who I am, how I handle myself, how I take pride in my appearance etc. I'm not proud that i'm overweight though. Just like I wouldn't be proud if I was thin or anorexic. Taking care of myself the best way I can is what makes me proud.
> I hope this makes sense, i'm not posting it to offend anyone. I'm just curious if you walk down the street and think, "wow, i'm so fat! i'm so proud of being fat!"
> I'm Tina first and foremost. Not Fat Tina.



Yeah, I actually do think that--"I'm proud of being fat." I am proud of myself, I am fat, therefore... Just am.

The distinction seems to be that anything God-given isn't yours to be proud of, only the way you tend the garden. I'm not sure...life's that simple. If so, would you never enjoy the glint in your own eyes or the play of muscles or whatever. There are a lot of things I really like/enjoy/am proud about with my fat body. Just cause I'm in it.

I guess I'm using "pride" in its contemporary, non-deadly-sins connotativeness, though. I don't think I obsess over it: if so--then the corrollary is that I should be obsessed with "flaws," and worry terribly about my narrow shoulders which mean I've never had a purse stay on in my whole life. For instance. And assume they are a curse and I did something to deserve them.

Yes, I am Liz first, not Fat Liz first, anymore than I am Crankypants Liz, or Carpaltunnel Liz, or Nerdy Liz first. But if you are proud of who you are, then you are proud of...who you are.

The garden-tending is crucial, don't get me wrong. But the way I see it, if being fat is no more an acheivement than being tall or short or whatever in this life, then being fat AND well-dressed; alive; proud; healthy; mobile; articulate; sane; and whole in a world that tells me I'm none of those is an achievement, and more than just garden-tending. Even if I weren't already into the way my ass looks in my pretty stretchy pink leopard-print underwear.


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## Tooz (Jun 23, 2007)

liz (di-va) said:


> Crankypants Liz first.



I am Crankypants Tooz first.


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## elle camino (Jun 23, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> i don't see why not. having even one other person justify that your body is attractive, that you affected someone and made them take notice of you, that's not the first step to building confidence in one's appearance?


uh.
i sure as hell hope not, cause if so...a few of us are screwed. 
i'm really not trying to be a negative nancy/pessimist peggy/oversensitive olivia (i know - kind of a stretch), here, but...let the record show that i DO think one CAN work towards the fat-self-acceptance thing without another person kicking things off by appreciating their fat for them.
if i had waited for some dude to wander along and whistle at my arm flab or check out my belly or whatever it is you FAs do...i'd still be waiting, wearing long sleeves in august and billowing ankle length skirts to hide my knees and obfuscate my tummy and generally being miserable 24/7. 
what i'm saying is: it's a nice first step if it's an option, but making it sound 100% necessary is kinda...depressing. and i think misleading. 
i feel pity for the girl (girl? i'm assuming. after i post this i'll check the profile) who you're talking to, but i can't lie and say i don't feel exactly how she(?) described, sometimes. SOMEtimes. the happy thing is: i used to feel like that ALL the damn time. but a few years ago i realized i couldn't hang around and wait for another person to come along, roll up their sleeves, and help me start to rearrange my mental furniture. i had to get the job started myself or i was gonna waste my life being a sad sally. 

so, i dunno. it's possible, is what i'm saying. 
it's probably faster with a little pocket FA to tote around and pipe up with how foxy my double chin is or whatever, but it's doable without. 

i hope.


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 23, 2007)

elle camino said:


> uh.
> i sure as hell hope not, cause if so...a few of us are screwed.
> i'm really not trying to be a negative nancy/pessimist peggy/oversensitive olivia (i know - kind of a stretch), here, but...let the record show that i DO think one CAN work towards the fat-self-acceptance thing without another person kicking things off by appreciating their fat for them.
> if i had waited for some dude to wander along and whistle at my arm flab or check out my belly or whatever it is you FAs do...i'd still be waiting, wearing long sleeves in august and billowing ankle length skirts to hide my knees and obfuscate my tummy and generally being miserable 24/7.
> ...



You've got the right idea. I just think people should keep their minds open to the diversity of human kind and their preferences. You are right in that these things should not be the sole reason one accepts themselves more, but I know in some cases, each little part can help as a whole.

Obviously someone being attracted to your body should at the most be a part of how one learns to have pride, but combine that would a person learning about the movement, and the people fighting for them, et cetera... Over time you would expect them to make some progress, but again: It comes from oneself.


Martial Arts- Just as an example.
There are seven elements of fitness. In most styles, having ability in one or more of them can help, but you can't get anywhere without skill and technique.
Skill and Technique=The element of you.
The seven elements of fitness= The outer forces that you use to aid your ability. Some people don't need them, but others will be helped by these.

/Bad Analogy


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 23, 2007)

Funny.... I thought of this question last night while driving home. I was thinking about how my life changed from what it used to be. All the past self-loathing, behavior modifications, cover ups, diets or constant plans to diet and how everything used to revolve around NOT being fat (I have been chubby to fat since the age of 14-15). How I used to think that my life would somehow magically get "better" if I would weigh x amount and all the things that I "could finally do" if I just got thin enough...
What a crock of sh*t that was....
Accepting myself "this way" has really allowed me to become MORE than my fat identity. When I was "all about the fat" (after all, isn't that intense desire NOT to be fat really all about the fat?), I was crazy, always looking for an escape. I was in no way proud of my fat. It was almost my biggest shame...and a way to hide myself from the world. Fat was my blanket that wrapped me up from view of the world. It was also a test of other people. I wanted to be with the people that weren't caught up in my body.... I wanted "more" from the people I let close to me. 
Thinking about it now, it seems like I wanted my outer self to look like how I viewed my inner self. I hated myself, felt warped and didn't think that anyone would like me fat. I wreaked havoc upon my being with the inner torment and food abuses. When I decided to "free" myself of my fat for a while, I kept up that abuse with the diets and purges.
With all that being said, one might think my mentality would still perceive "better place" as reflecting a thin body..... but where I have landed has shown me otherwise. There is something in me not feeling so voracious, not eating me alive, not a constant craving needing something thrown at it. I don't need to eat to fill an emptiness that food will never satisfy now. Wow.... my body isn't the inner me.... I am so much more than my body. Funny, I was so separated into so many parts, so many faces to show the world. Tough girl, funny girl, kind girl, smart girl, ad infinitum, ad nausea...... In the past couple of years, all of these people seem to be meeting up- and liking each other. They all realize how much they need one another and have been becoming one person. A person that lives in a fat body- a body that is strong, capable- but not my identity. 
Changes have been made but I now realize that more of my self-pride evolves around myself- as if I'm finally "free" of my body in many ways. Releasing myself from that mentality has been helping me to see my body as "not so bad"- and sometimes I even think I might be womanly/curvy.... and dare I say sexy? But not because I'm fat...anymore than being thin makes a person sexy. It's self love, self respect, feeling your self worth and confidence that makes one sexy... not your weight.

In conclusion, I don't feel "proud" of my fat- it's just a descriptor... I feel proud of myself, which I deem more more important


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## T_Devil (Jun 23, 2007)

Ok, I would be proud of my fat if I fell off a boat or was out in deep water. Fat Floats. (My fat does anyways).
Also, being stuck out in sub-zero temperatures. Fat retains body heat.


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## liz (di-va) (Jun 23, 2007)

I think pride ultimately is something that comes from the inside, and can't be based on other people's opinions (otherwise where would we be). However...

....I think that learning to believe in other people's appreciation is a helpful tool! It's the old idea of not necessarily believing in something yourself, but having faith in somebody else who believes, so being willing to just have faith in their faith for the moment.

Which is why _Dimensions_ and fat porn and a few crucial FAs went on my list of tools for self-acceptance over on this thread. When I didn't believe it myself, I could have faith in their appreciation, try it on...


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## KuroBara (Jun 23, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Funny.... I thought of this question last night while driving home. I was thinking about how my life changed from what it used to be. All the past self-loathing, behavior modifications, cover ups, diets or constant plans to diet and how everything used to revolve around NOT being fat (I have been chubby to fat since the age of 14-15). How I used to think that my life would somehow magically get "better" if I would weigh x amount and all the things that I "could finally do" if I just got thin enough...
> What a crock of sh*t that was....
> Accepting myself "this way" has really allowed me to become MORE than my fat identity. When I was "all about the fat" (after all, isn't that intense desire NOT to be fat really all about the fat?), I was crazy, always looking for an escape. I was in no way proud of my fat. It was almost my biggest shame...and a way to hide myself from the world. Fat was my blanket that wrapped me up from view of the world. It was also a test of other people. I wanted to be with the people that weren't caught up in my body.... I wanted "more" from the people I let close to me.
> Thinking about it now, it seems like I wanted my outer self to look like how I viewed my inner self. I hated myself, felt warped and didn't think that anyone would like me fat. I wreaked havoc upon my being with the inner torment and food abuses. When I decided to "free" myself of my fat for a while, I kept up that abuse with the diets and purges.
> ...


GEF, you make me wonder why I stopped visiting here! I read your post and am instantly uplifted. You go, Fairy!


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 23, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I'm sure this has been done before but I can't find a thread myself.
> 
> I'm curious though...are you proud that you're fat? Or just proud of yourself?
> 
> ...




I'm proud of myself, dont know that I'd say I'm proud of my fat. Fat for me is just a physicial characteristic, just like my being a brunette. I'd be just as proud of myself if I were skinny or blonde.  

That being said, I do acknowledge that my fat has probably helped to shape me into the person that I am today and that if I were skinny it is entirely possible that I might be a different person with a different attitude.


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## Usagi (Jun 23, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> these men on the net do exist in real life. it's truly gut-wrenching to me that you feel that way; if i could remove society's stigma about fat with a wave of my hand, believe me i would. i'm not gonna play doctor, but you want to seek a support group or help for body image issues. it's not kosher to walk around thinking of yourself as a piece of shit.



Therapy never really does anything, and any therapist I've ever seen says "I'd be happier if I was thinner." So yeah...I'm not really good post anymore in this thread since I have no pride and no fat pride.

I joined this lil forum to see what it was about and I'm just sort of fishing through to see what other people like me do/think and if there are actually people who would like that sort of thing. Since if they do "exsist in real life" I have yet to meet any.


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## Tooz (Jun 23, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Therapy never really does anything, and any therapist I've ever seen says "I'd be happier if I was thinner." So yeah...I'm not really good post anymore in this thread since I have no pride and no fat pride.
> 
> I joined this lil forum to see what it was about and I'm just sort of fishing through to see what other people like me do/think and if there are actually people who would like that sort of thing. Since if they do "exsist in real life" I have yet to meet any.



If there are a bunch in Buffalo, then there sure as hell are loads in NYC.


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## elle camino (Jun 23, 2007)

usagi: it's possible you'll never meet an FA, but that's no reason to keep feeling shitty about yourself. however, it sounds a lot like you're pretty bound and determined not to like yourself fat, so...try to lose weight, i guess.


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## bigplaidpants (Jun 23, 2007)

I just want to make some responses. I like much of what's being said, here.

*Usagi *- I really hope for you. Everyone is beautiful....and, I know, that is some romantic cliche (i.e. bullsh!t) for anyone who doesn't actually see and experience it. Sometimes things like being fat, a birthmark, your height, acne, a squeeky voice - whatever - is "the thing" that we focus all our self-loathing on to. Self-acceptance, let alone self-respect!, is hard won in this world. Profits go down when ppl feel satisfied with the world and themselves. But, ultimately, self-respect is a battle each decides alone. But, communities like Dim helps. (If it is a fetish site, it is also a whole lot more.) It's helped me, me wife, and others. Please, continue to visit.

*Fat Praise from FA's *- Sometimes I'm still taken aback at how we FA's are perceived.  For some, we are mythical creatures who only come out on the internet. For others, in the end, we are pervs - i.e. exceptions to the rule - who's opinion must be "taken as such." To others, we are _the ticket _to a good time. In other words, some women (& men!) loved being loved the way a (F)FA loves. My point? Some FA's, like myself, simply dream of a world where our aesthetic counts. Do we want to rule the world? Make all fat folk objects for consumption! Sure FAism can tend toward mysogyny. But, on the whole, I don't think so. I'd just like to see our perception of beauty and sense of eroticism matter. Be respected. In that sense, I hope my adoration for someone's appearence or effect on me matters. I don't want to be the source of someone's self-esteem. But, I want to be counted. 

If a FA's compliments helps lead to self-acceptence.....Awesome. It's an expression of honest appreciation well spent. If my praise helps on the road to self-respect? Double Awesome. If some FA adoration leads to fat pride? Groovin'! Fat Pride, in my eyes, is a celebratory form of self-respect, not shallow appearence-driven arrogance. 

I want to mirror what butch said...



butch said:


> So maybe fat pride, on a basic level, is just a rejection of the negative stereotypes associated with fat bodies?



I think we live in a world that breeds self-loathing. Fat-phobia is rich and powerful source for self-loathing. Everyone faces their self-loathing alone. In this context, a little fat-pride - it seems to me - is refreshing.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 23, 2007)

Usagi said:


> *Therapy never really does anything, and any therapist I've ever seen says "I'd be happier if I was thinner." So yeah...I'm not really good post anymore in this thread since I have no pride and no fat pride.
> *
> I joined this lil forum to see what it was about and I'm just sort of fishing through to see what other people like me do/think and if there are actually people who would like that sort of thing. Since if they do "exsist in real life" I have yet to meet any.




I had a counselor that left me feeling somehow judged- not only about my weight but my life, as well. Second one was a psychiatrist that handed me the little blue pills that could "scientifically" fix me and my brain. Gee, didn't work....
Third time was a charm for me......maybe I got lucky OR I refused to "give-up". No one will magically fix your life for you- it's your life and your journey. When you truly want to feel/think/do something different, you will. A counselor can only do so much for you- they listen, ask questions, make an occasional good point, perhaps even give some good advice. If you're really lucky, you find one that actually cares. 

You're the one that has to do the work- whenever you decide you're ready


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## Surlysomething (Jun 23, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> if you don't have a problem being disagreed with, why are you accusing us of stifling your expression? i'm sorry if i'm argumentative; i love to debate and i'm very passionate, especially when it's something that hits close to home for me. believe what you want about whether or not dimensions serves a purpose more than being masturbatable...it is whatever you take from it. to answer your original question of whether fat pride is legit or not, you may not wave a flag announcing your weight, but many here do.




That's exactly the reason, because you're being argumentative. This is not a large community and i'm still quite new. Raising a fat flag has never been something i've felt comfortable with. And I haven't met a lot of FA's in my life. Maybe one. I live in uber health concious Vancouver, i'm looked at as more of a health crisis than anything.


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## Tooz (Jun 23, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> That's exactly the reason, because you're being argumentative.



So'm I. That does happen when I see an incredibly ridiculous statement made.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 23, 2007)

Tooz said:


> So'm I. That does happen when I see an incredibly ridiculous statement made.




It's too bad you don't have anything of importance to add, just criticism.


boring.


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## Shosh (Jun 23, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> take a look around here. see how the guys on the weight board/paysite board and girls on the bhm/ffa board go crazy for the fatties. eventually you'll get the picture.


So we are "Fatties" are we? We are not women first and foremost?
Telling someone that they will eventually get the picture is a bit patronizing also.
I can hear the pain in this person's words. I am struggling with my own self acceptance issues also, but have resolved to try to say positive things about myself each day to try to overcome it.
Susannah


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## Shosh (Jun 23, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> That's exactly the reason, because you're being argumentative. This is not a large community and i'm still quite new. Raising a fat flag has never been something i've felt comfortable with. And I haven't met a lot of FA's in my life. Maybe one. I live in uber health concious Vancouver, i'm looked at as more of a health crisis than anything.



Hi, I kind of understand what you are saying here. I am personally yet to meet an FA here in Australia. They don't really exist here I don't reckon. Not in public anyway.
Susannah


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## Shosh (Jun 24, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Sorry but after years of negative appreciation, men on the net who like fat chicks really don't help much. It won't change the fact that when I look in the mirror I see an ugly, fat piece of shit and it makes me sick to my stomach.
> 
> So yeah, no pride at all for me.



Hey, I can hear the sadness in your words. You are not all those things. Susannah


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## Blackjack (Jun 24, 2007)

I've never seen a million dollars, but I know that a million dollars exists. I've never met a movie star, but I know they exist.

Just because you've never (knowingly) met one doesn't mean that we're not out there.


Just sayin'.


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## Chimpi (Jun 24, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> I've gotten into some heated debates on this topic and no one's been able to convince me that fat isn't something to be proud of. If you're fat, and you love being fat, and you dress to articulate your body shape and make it into an aesthetic, sure it's not everything you are, but why isn't it something to have pride in?
> 
> *Shortened*



I think you said that very well, dan, or at least, better than I could have stated or laid out on the plate.  I agree with you on _almost_ every point.



bigplaidpants said:


> We are all beautiful. Why not strive to be proud!



And this, I feel, is a very over looked statement. It's a shame that so many people, if not all of us, are given such negative comments in life. The world would be so much more pleasant if everyone were proud [to a point] of who and what they are. But, I'm not sure that will ever happen for this world... or the next...



T_Devil said:


> I just find it hard to believe a person will let what other idiots tell them to be beaten into some kind useless heap of wasted human potential. You are what you see in the mirror. If you see yourself as....and I'm using YOUR words here...."an ugly, fat piece of shit" then that's all you're ever going to see.



I do not find that hard to believe at all. When you're slammed with such negative feedback, with the predetermined idea that fat is a nasty, disgusting, and unhealthy body composition, I think it's almost guaranteed to make a person feel like a "useless heap of wasted human potential." As is very evident with Usagi, all though I would hope that she finds some way out of her mindset. I have suffered quite a bit of it myself, so I know what it is like as well.
And I do not think that one can overcome those feelings of ill representation. It's very possible. Many people on these boards are living proof of overcoming (and sometimes going in the opposite direction) such statements and feelings towards oneself.



Surlysomething said:


> as a friend said to me.."at the heart, Dimensions really is a fetish site"



Where I see Dimensions as having some fetish aspects about it, I do not think it is anywhere near being a complete fetish site. But you are definitely entitled to your opinion. 

Personally, no, I am not proud of being fat. I'm not even to the point [yet?] of accepting my size. I really just don't think about it too often, so as to not even deal with my own self-loathing (deep down inside). I realize that I am a proclaimer in changing ones attitude toward his/herself, but I have yet to actually stride down the road myself. There are reasons I feel that greatly hinder my response towards my body, and somehow I must overcome those negative feelings first.
Also, to extend, I am also not proud (completely) of who I am. That being said, I'm not nearly as negative as I used to be, but I definitely have some ways to go on the road to acceptance.

*Shrugs*


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## Shosh (Jun 24, 2007)

Blackjack said:


> I've never seen a million dollars, but I know that a million dollars exists. I've never met a movie star, but I know they exist.
> 
> Just because you've never (knowingly) met one doesn't mean that we're not out there.
> 
> ...



Hi BJ, In the relationships I have had with men they have never said they are an FA. So what do you make of that? What I am saying is that I am yet to meet a man that comes right out and says he is an FA.
FA sightings are akin to UFO sightings.
Susannah


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## Chimpi (Jun 24, 2007)

Susannah said:


> In the relationships I have had with men they have never said they are an FA.



Susannah, that is neither here nor there.
Many reasons could have been the case:

They did not _realize_ they were a "Fat Admirer"
They felt they should not state it - some women, in my experience, find it harmful
They had no need to label themselves as such
They were not actually a "Fat Admirer", but just someone who wanted to date you

Note: I am keeping many ideas out of that list because I cannot think of them, but I know there could/will be other reasons. I will have to echo Blackjack in his statement: Just because you have not come across them [yet], does not mean they (we) do not exist.
I have yet to know of the existence of 'God'. <--- Many people will swear by their belief and opinion that 'God' does exist, in some way, shape, form, or idea. This is not the best example, by the way.


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## cute_obese_girl (Jun 24, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> ... choosing to be fat and proud is making a statement in the face of body-conscious america...



Here's where I think you're getting hung up when it comes to fat pride. Not everyone who is fat chooses to be fat, which it seems like you are implying. In fact I don't think most people who are fat _choose_to be fat. I didn't choose to be fat, I just am. That doesn't mean I'm ashamed of it or long to be thin. On the contrary, I choose to be proud of myself and accept myself for who I am. Being proud for the specific reason that I am fat, however, seems just as silly to me as being proud of the fact that I have brown hair.

ETA: I think fat pride is something that is much more relevant to the FA. As an FA, one is choosing to date someone who is fat when they could just as easily date someone thin. I think the FA has every right to be proud of that since they are making a statement in the face of body-concious America as you put it.


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## Blackjack (Jun 24, 2007)

Susannah said:


> FA sightings are akin to UFO sightings.



...except far more common, with massive amounts of evidence backing up the claims, and without insane conspiracy theorists trying to prove it.

So basically, not like UFO sightings at all.


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## bigplaidpants (Jun 24, 2007)

cute_obese_girl said:


> Here's where I think you're getting hung up when it comes to fat pride. Not everyone who is fat chooses to be fat, which it seems like you are implying. In fact I don't think most people who are fat _choose_to be fat. I didn't choose to be fat, I just am. That doesn't mean I'm ashamed of it or long to be thin. On the contrary, I choose to be proud of myself and accept myself for who I am. Being proud for the specific reason that I am fat, however, seems just as silly to me as being proud of the fact that I have brown hair.



COG, "crazy and complicated,"  - thanks for the thoughtful response. I want to suggest he did not mean it quite the way you explain here....but, dan certainly could have. I think the _choice _is to be proud. This is a hard choice. Pride, or self-esteem, or self-acceptance, or self-respect (my preferred term, here) is always a choice. Fat or not, brown-eyed or not, self-esteem for one's beauty, allure, and depth of person (not to be mistaken for shallow cocky-ness for "thinking your hot") is a choice. If I am reading dan correctly here, I think the question is why how many persons simply choose some level of invisibility or self-loathing. There is no argument (at least from me) that self-respect and "pride" in oneself is hard won. Many never achieve it. But why _conciously_ perpetuate self-loathing? 



> ETA: I think fat pride is something that is much more relevant to the FA. As an FA, one is choosing to date someone who is fat when they could just as easily date someone thin. I think the FA has every right to be proud of that since they are making a statement in the face of body-concious America as you put it.



This is insightful. Let me prod with a question: *Have any of you (BBW, BHM, FA, FFA, PDA....whatever) dated, adored, married, or simply been allured by someone who was committed to see themselves as unattractive? Disgusting? Boring? Plain? Sloppy? Have you ever been interested in someone who you eventually found wanted to remain invisible to you and/or your delight in them?* I think this is a perpetual FA experience.....but, it is also the experience of many, many, many people. (And, plz, this is not an argument for "If a guy likes you, you should love yourself.") Society's fat-phobia (reproduced and proliferated by Hollywood, mom and dad, the field of medicine, and the diet industry, just to name a few) is just one of many reasons to hate yourself in our culture.

I think "pride" is hard, and even daunting, because it requires facing both yourself and the world alone. Attaching "fat" to it, simply focuses the struggle. 

I neither hate myself nor am a self-help guru. I'm also not SS (as stated earlier.) But, I've spent lots of time hiding my body and not understanding my FA quirks. But, I've also found ways to adore and appreciate my FA preference, the kinks that come with that, and even my body. I like this side of things better.

I find a little fat-pride, FA-pride, and even some bigplaid-pride makes my life more rich and enjoyable. It even forces me to be more humble and not take myself - my body, my quirks, my kinks, etc - so seriously. A little self-pride - in the name of self-respect - is crucial for my role as a parent of two little girls. I've already seen how any self-loathing I harbor within myself, my children will identify eventually....and, very possibly, learn from me. Ironically, I've found this also to be true of others around. If I exude fat-phobia or self-hatred, it is socially contagious. In the course of self-depreciation, I find just about everyone finds a way to agree with me.

What are fat people going to do if we don't learn some fat-pride? Resolve to careers as "before" pictures? Try to remain invisible behind a veil of over-sized clothes, commitments to diet, and ambivalence (or worse, apologies) for our bodies? 

No doubt, some will choose that. But, there are alternatives. Pride is one....one of many others.

Thanks for the thoughtful posts....


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## bigplaidpants (Jun 24, 2007)

Susannah said:


> ... FA sightings are akin to UFO sightings.
> Susannah



LOL. I'm with Blackjack.

I am neither flying nor unidentifiable....nor related to anyone who is.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Jon Blaze said:


> Go easy on her Dan: She's very new to this whole world. You've got to keep yourself open-ended with this until she's had time to experience this area. I'm sure with time Usagi will learn the confidence within herself. Her presence here might just help that come out quicker.



true, but i don't think i could possibly be as hard on her as she is on herself.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

elle camino said:


> uh.
> i sure as hell hope not, cause if so...a few of us are screwed.
> i'm really not trying to be a negative nancy/pessimist peggy/oversensitive olivia (i know - kind of a stretch), here, but...let the record show that i DO think one CAN work towards the fat-self-acceptance thing without another person kicking things off by appreciating their fat for them.
> if i had waited for some dude to wander along and whistle at my arm flab or check out my belly or whatever it is you FAs do...i'd still be waiting, wearing long sleeves in august and billowing ankle length skirts to hide my knees and obfuscate my tummy and generally being miserable 24/7.
> ...



oh no, i totally agree with you, i just mean that other people finding you attractive is evidence that you're attractive to someone, it's one very simple way to realize you have appeal. of course it's better to develop the confidence and pride on your own...i mean your body's yours and not theirs. but if you have zero pride in your looks, you can point to other people to assure you otherwise.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Therapy never really does anything, and any therapist I've ever seen says "I'd be happier if I was thinner." So yeah...I'm not really good post anymore in this thread since I have no pride and no fat pride.
> 
> I joined this lil forum to see what it was about and I'm just sort of fishing through to see what other people like me do/think and if there are actually people who would like that sort of thing. Since if they do "exsist in real life" I have yet to meet any.



why not try and lose weight? you'll be happier because you're thinner, and also because you completed a goal. and there's a personals section here somewhere if you want to find out how many FAs are near you...NYC is full of them, though.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> That's exactly the reason, because you're being argumentative. This is not a large community and i'm still quite new. Raising a fat flag has never been something i've felt comfortable with. And I haven't met a lot of FA's in my life. Maybe one. I live in uber health concious Vancouver, i'm looked at as more of a health crisis than anything.



you set up a debate. shrug. more than 90% of people meet their first FA on here or online because it's not like we wear signs or anything. the community, you'll find, is larger than you think. and being fat isn't a health crisis, but there's always risks.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Susannah said:


> So we are "Fatties" are we? We are not women first and foremost?
> Telling someone that they will eventually get the picture is a bit patronizing also.
> I can hear the pain in this person's words. I am struggling with my own self acceptance issues also, but have resolved to try to say positive things about myself each day to try to overcome it.
> Susannah



clearly you have some personal issues to work out. i say "fatties" lovingly, to my girlfriend, to the people of the community. you're used to it being a slam. there's nothing offensive about the word "fatty", just the way it's used by hateful people. i'm not a hateful person. i say it affectionately with a dash of tongue-in-cheek.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Susannah said:


> So we are "Fatties" are we? We are not women first and foremost?
> Telling someone that they will eventually get the picture is a bit patronizing also.
> I can hear the pain in this person's words. I am struggling with my own self acceptance issues also, but have resolved to try to say positive things about myself each day to try to overcome it.
> Susannah



this is also a community for fat men who are fatties, and i myself at 160 and 5'6 am not entirely excluded from that, so i don't know why you automatically apply everything to be insulting to women. i'm also a feminist.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

cute_obese_girl said:


> Here's where I think you're getting hung up when it comes to fat pride. Not everyone who is fat chooses to be fat, which it seems like you are implying. In fact I don't think most people who are fat _choose_to be fat. I didn't choose to be fat, I just am. That doesn't mean I'm ashamed of it or long to be thin. On the contrary, I choose to be proud of myself and accept myself for who I am. Being proud for the specific reason that I am fat, however, seems just as silly to me as being proud of the fact that I have brown hair.
> 
> ETA: I think fat pride is something that is much more relevant to the FA. As an FA, one is choosing to date someone who is fat when they could just as easily date someone thin. I think the FA has every right to be proud of that since they are making a statement in the face of body-concious America as you put it.



i kind of agree with you, but what people are reluctant to admit is that many people do choose to be fat. many people are not made to be thin, but if you let yourself be fat, happy about it or not, that's a choice you're making, as opposed to say, limiting your diet and going to a gym. it's a touchy subject cuz i know plenty of people here will jump on the "i tried my hardest to lose weight and nothing worked" thing. but i think being fat is more of a choice than people realize. what is mistaken by general society is that it shouldn't be automatic judgment for people who don't work their asses off to manintain something that comes natural to someone else. everyone should have the right to remain their natural self, and that's what i was trying to say, that plenty of people are naturally thin and get off easy even though they don't exercise or whatever, yet fat people are expected to change just because, which is work and time, and for whom? so strangers at the park don't give disapproving looks?


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

Okay, to every woman out there that thinks being fat is ugly, unapperciated, etc.
The whole idea of being fat is ugly, is so hypocritical of this society.
You go anywhere else in the world or in time and you'll find that fat is the same as royalty, wealth, and power.
Go back to the caveman days, they carved stones of a fat woman who all life came from.
Look at all the renissance paintings! Chunky women everywhere. Do you see any stick figures? No, slaves and starving people are skin and bones. Beautiful women are well fed women.

So we finally elevate society to the point where everyone could be fed and happy and what do we do? We don't eat anything! This society is totally backwards and will be laughed at 100s of years from now, I'm sure of it.

If you go to africa you'll find that women actually stuff pillows into the butt of their pants before going out to party. I read an article by Betsy saying when she went down to africa, she had men giving her gifts on the street because of her weight.

And the majority of men do like fat. 2/3rds of a breast is fat, giving it its shape and form for the sole purpose of turning men on. Why is it so wrong to enjoy that feeling from head to toe on a woman. Seriously?

This society just tries to brainwash us, get some fat pride and fight back. Fight for what is natural, fight for what is beautiful.


Now, to the idea that you can't find an FA I have these thoughts
One, guys are dumb, I know, I am one. The whole brainwashing this soceity does probably changes people's mind. I'm wondering if the amount of divorces in this society can be attributed to the fact that guys might subconciously want a fat woman, but is stuck with a skeleton with boobs.

Also, I can't speak for all FA's, but a fat woman who hates the fact that she's fat, is the biggest turn off. I personally don't want to spend the first few years in a relation being a woman's phycologist trying to convince her of the truth. I think everyone big woman needs at least a drop of fat pride so she can allow herself to be and feel sexy in the bedroom with her partner.


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## elle camino (Jun 24, 2007)

y'know, to the guys who are getting their undies in a knot over stuff like the FA's/UFO's comparison, etc: seriously? chill out. considering that 'wherever you go, there you are', you have to take into account that your perspective is a bit skewed. wherever YOU guys go, there IS an FA in the room. that, however, is not going to be the experience of most (read: the VAST MAJORITY of) fat girls.
for most of us, all we've ever experienced from men re: our bodies ranges from abject (vocal) disgust to indifference/apathy. you take 25+ years of that kind of thing and it's hard to just take someone's word that there are men out there who don't feel that way. 
it may feel a little...invalidating, i guess, for a second, to hear a fat woman say "i don't believe FA's actually exist', but suck it up and try to imagine WHY someone would say something like that, and realize that your momentary twinge of invalidation is kinda nothing in the face of the years of BS most fat girls go through to get to the point where they'd say something like that. 
k? k.


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> It's too bad you don't have anything of importance to add, just criticism.
> 
> 
> boring.



Did you not read my prior post? You yourself said you hadn't been here very long, so how can you even say with even a modicum of confidence that this is a fetish site (no, I don't particularly believe your "friend" said it unless your "friend" is a vehicle for you expressing your opinions in a slightly padded fashion)? If you'll notice, while there is some overlap in who posts where, there are still sort of separate groups of people for different parts of the forums. I'm sorry, but calling a site that does as much as Dimensions does simply a "fetish site" is really an insult to the community in that you are greatly underestimating what goes on here.

There you go, I took the time to say something substantial.


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## T_Devil (Jun 24, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Therapy never really does anything, and any therapist I've ever seen says "I'd be happier if I was thinner." So yeah...I'm not really good post anymore in this thread since I have no pride and no fat pride.
> 
> I joined this lil forum to see what it was about and I'm just sort of fishing through to see what other people like me do/think and if there are actually people who would like that sort of thing. Since if they do "exsist in real life" I have yet to meet any.



If you hang out around here long enough, you'll find one that is in your area. NYC is a big place. As for giving up on posting in this thread, that's your choice. You came to this forum for a reason. You found something here. Something that compelled you to share a piece of yourself.

and now you're going to go silent again?

You gotta see this through. Like it or not, your trip to self-acceptance has already begun. You've already gilmpsed into a world that you can so easily be a part of, all you have to do is reach out for it. So many people here want you to be a part of the community. They want you to share what you feel. We only drive home the point of pride simply because we have all found that on some level and it wasn't real easy to get to. Most of us here has earned the pride we feel.

And I'll tell you this, once you feel it, it's moving. It's a feeling unlike anything in the world. It's like the miracle you always hoped for and never thought would happen. The world looks different. Things aren't as tough. Life isn't so hopeless. This feeling of pride fuses itself into your life and it feels like nothing is impossible. It is a gift that you receive only when you're ready....

You're ready, all you have to do is feel it.

It isn't easy at first. It feels like a lie. But what's so false about feeling your own worth? Is it so hard to believe that in spite of every last negative event in your life, that you are still an important person? Who are you important to?
Yourself for starters.
Now that you have put words in this forum, you have unknowingly become a part of other peoples lives. People see what your words and feel what you say. How is that possible? Many people here have been on the road you now travel. You can choose to believe that or to not believe that.

All I can tell you is the more you reach out and just keep on posting here, the closer you get to feeling that miracle. Each friendship you develop here is just one more person there to talk to. It doesn't matter if they live next door or on the other side of the planet. We have this incredible piece of technology to alow us to communicate with each other, use it!

I can't promise to fix you. I can't promise that you'll never be hurt again. I can't promise that life will get any simpler. All I can tell you is that you are not alone. You may feel alone when you walk down a busy street. You may feel like no one understands you or what it's like to be like you. You are NOT alone though.

The fact is that this digital reality holds more promise of self acceptance than the world outside your door. But what happens here, what is said here, what you say here has a tremendous effect on you out there. Al you gotta do is believe. Stall your cynicism and allow yourself to have this.

You deserve something outta life. You've found this website and all the people who post there. Everybody here is willing to listen to you and be on YOUR side (for a change). This place, this world, holds a great deal of potential for you. Right now, the only choice you have to make is if you want to accept it and accept the possibilities life has to offer.... or not accept it. If you take the chance to accept it, who knows? If you pass it on by, nothing happens. Nothing changes. It all stays the same.

It's not me offering it to you, I'm just putting it into words. I just hate seeing people give up before they have even tried. I know that you have tried out there. I know this because we have all tried. At one point or another, we've all felt beaten down by the world. That's why this website exists. It's not here for us to be miserable, it's here to build us up.

Just stay. Stay and talk to us. The worst that could happen is you make a friend who lives far away.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

As an FA, I know that we are few and far between. Try meeting up with another FA in a group of guys is something I haven't seen yet. I've sat in with a group of guys as they talk about which celebraty they would like to do... and I'm just sitting there thinking that they're nothing but wakling skeletons and are not sexy at all. AT ALL. they ask me which one I want to do, all I say is "I don't go for the whole starving child look with make up"

FAs are out there. I've said it before on here, you have to show them that you think of yourself as sexy and they will come to you. If you hide under sweaters and respond to complements like "You look good" with "Yeah right..." You're not going to find them. I'm a single FA looking for a BBW date but if you hate yourself, then I'm not going to ask you out. Yes, you can't just shrug off 25 years of society making you feel like shit, but if you let it get to you then nothing is going to change.


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## elle camino (Jun 24, 2007)

pickleman357 said:


> I've said it before on here, you have to show them that you think of yourself as sexy and they will come to you. If you hide under sweaters and respond to complements like "You look good" with "Yeah right..." You're not going to find them.


oh PUH-LEASE.
seriously, i don't even know where to start with this and my ride's gonna be here in like 5 minutes. so if nobody else has detailed why this is a pretty ridiculous sentiment by the time i get home tonight, i'll do it then. 
cripes.


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

elle camino said:


> oh PUH-LEASE.
> seriously, i don't even know where to start with this and my ride's gonna be here in like 5 minutes. so if nobody else has detailed why this is a pretty ridiculous sentiment by the time i get home tonight, i'll do it then.
> cripes.



It IS kinda ridiculous, but part of it is valid. It really is important to not hide in awful, too-big clothing because a) it really doesn't hide anything/you end up looking bigger in a bad, bad way and b) it furthers the stereotype that fat people can't take care of themselves (I was JUST having a conversation about this last night). Your self-acceptance and comfort with yourself might not attract FAs, but I would think that if there happened to be an FA in the area, s/he might be more likely to approach you. Maybe not even an FA per se, but possibly someone who appreciates everyone. Of course, no one may approach you at all, but it might not matter as much because you're okay with yourself.

I understand, though. I went for the first 20 or so years of my life not knowing any FAs, and it is invalidating, as Elle said. It's far easier for FAs to say it's not that hard to meet/date/etc., but they're really seeing things from an entirely different perspective. As said, where ever they are, there's an FA present. Anywhere a fat chick is, well, there's a fat chick-- doesn't mean there's anyone there who wants to meet up with her. However, when you have more confidence, I believe it's easier to spot FAs, too. For all the FAs at Dims, there are loads more who either lurk or don't come to the site. A lot of them are just so subtle about it that you can't tell.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

elle camino said:


> oh PUH-LEASE.
> seriously, i don't even know where to start with this and my ride's gonna be here in like 5 minutes. so if nobody else has detailed why this is a pretty ridiculous sentiment by the time i get home tonight, i'll do it then.
> cripes.



Um, think about it. If an FA comes up to you and compliments you, but you just shrug him off because you hate yourself. He's going to think that you're not interested in him and leave you alone.

How do you expect to find FAs? We don't have name tags!


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

pickleman357 said:


> Um, think about it. If an FA comes up to you and compliments you, but you just shrug him off because you hate yourself. He's going to think that you're not interested in him and leave you alone.
> 
> How do you expect to find FAs? We don't have name tags!



Yeah, but it's hard to tell. It's really hard to be very confident when you've gone through as a lot of fat chicks have. I'm even moderately confident, and if a guy compliments me, I don't know that I'd connect any dots. It takes a lot of assuming to do that, and therefore a LOT of confidence.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Yeah, but it's hard to tell. It's really hard to be very confident when you've gone through as a lot of fat chicks have. I'm even moderately confident, and if a guy compliments me, I don't know that I'd connect any dots. It takes a lot of assuming to do that, and therefore a LOT of confidence.



My point is to leave at least a door open for an FA to come in. If you shut it before he even gets his foot in, then you'll never fine one.

Some women on here are complaining about how they can't find an FA. My question is are they doing everything they can to find one?


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## mossystate (Jun 24, 2007)

Ok, I am just passing through this part of Dims Manor, on my way to the Foodee board.

While I agree that it is best to muster up the ability to utter a thank you if someone compliments you ( no matter the situation or person giving said compliment..unless the person is cheesy, sleazy or makes you uncomfortable in ways where they better NOT try to make your being uncomfortable about you, when it is their lack of ability to conduct themselves in a decent manner..socially....whew ), it is not ok to think that just because a woman might be wearing certain kinds of clothing, that makes her a complete wallflower of some kind.

There are some women who wear very LITTLE clothing and can have a lower opinion of themselves than a woman who wears what SHE likes and is covered in yards of fabric.

Pickleman, I get the gist of what you are saying ( at least how I interpret it for me ), but I hope you are not confusing what you like to see a woman wear..and what the woman likes for herself.

'Sexy' is a word that is abused and mostly only applied to very tired ideas and ideals. 

So, yes, say thanks when a person says "gee, you look nice", but make note if they ONLY say it when you are wearing the official uniform of 'sexy'..and I know what that looks like in my head..heh.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

yeah, I hope people are getting the gist of what I'm saying. me man, me words no good engish

I'm not saying that you have to wear a bikini to get a guy. But there is a difference between a woman who wears clothes to hide herself in one way or another, compared to a woman who wears clothes to complement herself.

And as I've said before, the biggest turn off/on is confidence. that's all mental and has nothing to do with how much skin is showing


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

pickleman357 said:


> My point is to leave at least a door open for an FA to come in. If you shut it before he even gets his foot in, then you'll never fine one.
> 
> Some women on here are complaining about how they can't find an FA. My question is are they doing everything they can to find one?



I'm totally with you on the door thing.

As for the not finding an FA, it's so much more complex than that. I wanted to meet one when I was younger. Short of wearing a shirt that says "ANY FAS OUT THERE?" there's really nothing else you can do as a 16 year old on Cape Cod. There are no fatty clubs, not that I'm sure I'd even go to one. It's just not very easy.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

Well, I'm not too far from Toronto and they have the gay pride parade going on. I'm just wondering where is the fat and happy parade for us?

Anyone get some banners and floats together and go spread the word?


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

pickleman357 said:


> I'm just wondering where is the fat and happy parade for us?



Ha! I would so be there.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

pickleman357 said:


> As an FA, I know that we are few and far between. Try meeting up with another FA in a group of guys is something I haven't seen yet. I've sat in with a group of guys as they talk about which celebraty they would like to do... and I'm just sitting there thinking that they're nothing but wakling skeletons and are not sexy at all. AT ALL. they ask me which one I want to do, all I say is "I don't go for the whole starving child look with make up"
> 
> FAs are out there. I've said it before on here, you have to show them that you think of yourself as sexy and they will come to you. If you hide under sweaters and respond to complements like "You look good" with "Yeah right..." You're not going to find them. I'm a single FA looking for a BBW date but if you hate yourself, then I'm not going to ask you out. Yes, you can't just shrug off 25 years of society making you feel like shit, but if you let it get to you then nothing is going to change.



see i don't mind that there's people who like the "starving child" look...their tastes are just as weird to me as mine to them. what bothers me is being in a group of people where it's just "understood" that there's this standard of beauty and i'm totally violating the code or something. i don't even like being in a group of people discussing girls because there's no point to the conversation, all they talk about are tiny variations on the exact same female ideal. they act like they're contending or something, but bring in a look that you like that's completely inverse to theirs and it's like "you're a freak, end oof story...let's go back to debating tiny details, like whether or not we like girls with small wrists." the polite ones don't call you a freak, but there's no will to understand, it's just a few seconds of being mystified, maybe an occasional "doesn't anything get in the way" and then going back to whatever.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Yeah, but it's hard to tell. It's really hard to be very confident when you've gone through as a lot of fat chicks have. I'm even moderately confident, and if a guy compliments me, I don't know that I'd connect any dots. It takes a lot of assuming to do that, and therefore a LOT of confidence.



i do not envy the disbelief that most "uninitiated" fat women have that someone's randomly trying to get their attention after being taught by the world that they don't deserve it. it's the worst part of being an FA, having to "deprogram" every fat person we meet. that said, i'd take it over the stigma of being a fat woman in american society any day. those ladies have it bad.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> it's the worst part of being an FA, having to "deprogram" every fat person we meet.



I, sadly... have to agree with that.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> see i don't mind that there's people who like the "starving child" look...their tastes are just as weird to me as mine to them. what bothers me is being in a group of people where it's just "understood" that there's this standard of beauty and i'm totally violating the code or something. i don't even like being in a group of people discussing girls because there's no point to the conversation, all they talk about are tiny variations on the exact same female ideal. they act like they're contending or something, but bring in a look that you like that's completely inverse to theirs and it's like "you're a freak, end oof story...let's go back to debating tiny details, like whether or not we like girls with small wrists." the polite ones don't call you a freak, but there's no will to understand, it's just a few seconds of being mystified, maybe an occasional "doesn't anything get in the way" and then going back to whatever.



I agree, I'm not trying to change the world. Verity is good, the more different people the more intesting the world gets. Its when people think that their mind set is the only right one is what really pisses me off


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> it's the worst part of being an FA, having to "deprogram" every fat person we meet.



It's not EVERY fat person, it's just most of them. I don't think I look bad, I don't deny it if someone tells me as such, but it would still be somewhat odd if smoeone said it to me randomly.


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## AnnMarie (Jun 24, 2007)

I am proud of the fact that I accept and embrace my fat body. I'm proud because it was a lot of work. The mere act of living in my fat body-by choice-and not making apologies for it, or raging against it with yo-yo diets and self-hatred is an accomplishment in my life that I take tremendous pride in. 

The fact that I live my life happier more often than sad, but that those sad days are no longer based on a the scale, makes me proud of my fat. 

I own it, it doesn't own me. That's pride for me.


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## AnnMarie (Jun 24, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> maybe an occasional "doesn't anything get in the way" and then going back to whatever.



Ahhahahha...  

I guess that's the FA equivalent question to when BBWs get the "So, can you walk and drive a car?" when they're like 350-400lbs. LOL

Ugh, the world.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 24, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Did you not read my prior post? You yourself said you hadn't been here very long, *so how can you even say with even a modicum of confidence that this is a fetish site* (no, I don't particularly believe your "friend" said it unless your "friend" is a vehicle for you expressing your opinions in a slightly padded fashion)? If you'll notice, while there is some overlap in who posts where, there are still sort of separate groups of people for different parts of the forums. I'm sorry, but calling a site that does as much as Dimensions does simply a "fetish site" is really an insult to the community in that you are greatly underestimating what goes on here.



I wonder if it would be called a fetish site if the guys here preferred women that only were over 5'8", under 130 pounds and everyone had to have naturally blonde hair and blue eyes? I mean, that seems far more picky/choosy than simply preferring them over a certain weight or body shape. Oh, I get it- with thin women it's "preference" and anything else HAS to be a fetish :doh: 

I believe everything the media, or friends, tell me too......


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 24, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> I am proud of the fact that I accept and embrace my fat body. I'm proud because it was a lot of work. The mere act of living in my fat body-by choice-and not making apologies for it, or raging against it with yo-yo diets and self-hatred is an accomplishment in my life that I take tremendous pride in.
> 
> The fact that I live my life happier more often than sad, but that those sad days are no longer based on a the scale, makes me proud of my fat.
> 
> I own it, it doesn't own me. That's pride for me.



:bow: :wubu:


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I wonder if it would be called a fetish site if the guys here preferred women that only were over 5'8", under 130 pounds and everyone had to have naturally blonde hair and blue eyes?



That's exactly the point I was trying to make. @[email protected] I'm glad it's being taken as such (I think).


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## Surlysomething (Jun 24, 2007)

Tooz said:


> You yourself said you hadn't been here very long, so how can you even say with even a modicum of confidence that this is a fetish site (no, I don't particularly believe your "friend" said it unless your "friend" is a vehicle for you expressing your opinions in a slightly padded fashion)?





Pretty funny, you don't know me but you assume that i'm lying. It WAS a friend and a fellow Dimensions member that's been a part of this community longer than I have that said the fetish comment. When it was mentioned to me it twigged something. What is the ratio of FA men to Fat women in here? That would be interesting to know.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 24, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I wonder if it would be called a fetish site if the guys here preferred women that only were over 5'8", under 130 pounds and everyone had to have naturally blonde hair and blue eyes? I mean, that seems far more picky/choosy than simply preferring them over a certain weight or body shape. Oh, I get it- with thin women it's "preference" and anything else HAS to be a fetish :doh:
> 
> I believe everything the media, or friends, tell me too......




Technically it would be a fetish. But because it's so much more acceptable in society it's called a "preference".

If you go to a variety of other chat sites or boards BBW or BHM is usually classified as Alternative or Fetish. I didn't make the rules. Haha.

I'm thankful that the beauty ideal has changed somewhat, that's for sure. Back in the day there wouldn't have even been THOSE options.


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Pretty funny, you don't know me but you assume that i'm lying. It WAS a friend and a fellow Dimensions member that's been a part of this community longer than I have that said the fetish comment. When it was mentioned to me it twigged something. What is the ratio of FA men to Fat women in here? That would be interesting to know.



Gee! I didn't know I was supposed to trust everyone inherently. Thanks for the tip. If someone else actually did say that to you, I'm sorry to hear they're taking that from the site. I maintain it's a stab, though.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 24, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> it's the worst part of being an FA, having to "deprogram" every fat person we meet. that said, i'd take it over the stigma of being a fat woman in american society any day. those ladies have it bad.




Your attitude is so rare. It's great though and i'm sad that you really do have to deprogram. It takes a lot for a woman who has been told all her life that she's not the ideal woman to let go of all those feelings. So, maybe out of a room of 1000 men, one finds me attractive? That's a lot of armor to let go of for one person.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> Ahhahahha...
> 
> I guess that's the FA equivalent question to when BBWs get the "So, can you walk and drive a car?" when they're like 350-400lbs. LOL
> 
> Ugh, the world.



but the great thing is that it _does_ get in the way, and that's one reason we love it.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 24, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Gee! I didn't know I was supposed to trust everyone inherently. Thanks for the tip. If someone else actually did say that to you, I'm sorry to hear they're taking that from the site. I maintain it's a stab, though.





But everyone comes here for different reasons. For a lot of people it's a very sexual thing. I'm not saying that I don't see the community value of this place personally. 


I know, you don't have to trust everyone. Of course not. But to throw that statement out there in the accusatory fashion you did? Not so cool when you're trying to build "community".


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Pretty funny, you don't know me but you assume that i'm lying. It WAS a friend and a fellow Dimensions member that's been a part of this community longer than I have that said the fetish comment. When it was mentioned to me it twigged something. What is the ratio of FA men to Fat women in here? That would be interesting to know.



if you're implying there's a ton more men than women, i'm gonna laugh my ass off. what would be interesting to know is why you're so suspicious of the community based on queries like that instead of just looking around and seeing for yourself.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Technically it would be a fetish. But because it's so much more acceptable in society it's called a "preference".
> 
> If you go to a variety of other chat sites or boards BBW or BHM is usually classified as Alternative or Fetish. I didn't make the rules. Haha.
> 
> I'm thankful that the beauty ideal has changed somewhat, that's for sure. Back in the day there wouldn't have even been THOSE options.



if they classified gay/lesbian as a fetish would you buy into that too? or tall/short? any preference that deviates from the norm isn't automatically a "fetish." what's hilarious is that over 60% of the u.s. is overweight, a significant portion of which are in relationships or marraiges. are you telling me more than half the country are either fat fetishists or completely unsatisfied with their partner?


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## Surlysomething (Jun 24, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> if you're implying there's a ton more men than women, i'm gonna laugh my ass off. what would be interesting to know is why you're so suspicious of the community based on queries like that instead of just looking around and seeing for yourself.





That IS what I see. But as i've said, I haven't been here as long as most of you so maybe i'm missing something.


Honestly, I don't find this place very "warm". Especially when you question opinions or have some of your own. It's very THIS IS THE WAY WE ARE, SO YOU BETTER BE TOO 

Yeah, i'm all over that.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 24, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> if they classified gay/lesbian as a fetish would you buy into that too? or tall/short? any preference that deviates from the norm isn't automatically a "fetish." what's hilarious is that over 60% of the u.s. is overweight, a significant portion of which are in relationships or marraiges. are you telling me more than half the country are either fat fetishists or completely unsatisfied with their partner?




Buy into what? Look fetish up in the dictionary. That's not a hard thing to do.


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> But everyone comes here for different reasons. For a lot of people it's a very sexual thing. I'm not saying that I don't see the community value of this place personally.
> 
> 
> I know, you don't have to trust everyone. Of course not. But to throw that statement out there in the accusatory fashion you did? Not so cool when you're trying to build "community".



Well, if we're gonna criticise form, yours wasn't so hot, either. I am and always have been very straightforward. If you don't like that, I don't know what to tell you.



Surlysomething said:


> So, maybe out of a room of 1000 men, one finds me attractive? That's a lot of armor to let go of for one person.



I would say it would be more than one man out of 1,000, most likely.



dan ex machina said:


> what would be interesting to know is why you're so suspicious of the community based on queries like that instead of just looking around and seeing for yourself.



Yes.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Your attitude is so rare. It's great though and i'm sad that you really do have to deprogram. It takes a lot for a woman who has been told all her life that she's not the ideal woman to let go of all those feelings. So, maybe out of a room of 1000 men, one finds me attractive? That's a lot of armor to let go of for one person.



how many men do you need? it's nice to have a choice, yes, and as you'll find on dimensions, there's plenty to choose from here. in 2007 so many people are still yucked out by online dating, but giving it a shot beats loneliness. i'm not trying to rush you or usagi into a total 180 on attitude, but i was just kind of put off by the quick dismissal. you'll see through experience. i'm not even saying to let go of the armor all the way...caution is better than flat-out cynicism.


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

> 3.	Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.



Now, yes, for some people, fat IS a fetish. Fat in and of itself is not considered sexual, and if one needs it to be present to achieve an orgasm, then yes, it's a fetish. HOWEVER...



> 3.	that which is preferred; choice: His preference is vanilla, not chocolate.



For some people here, it can be just a choice. If vanilla = fat and chocolate = skinny, maybe someone prefers vanilla, but can do with chocolate as well.

Also

There are a lot of women here. Whereas you would say it's mostly men, when I look around the boards, I see a LOT of women as well.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Technically it would be a fetish. But because it's so much more acceptable in society it's called a "preference".
> 
> If you go to a variety of other chat sites or boards BBW or BHM is usually classified as Alternative or Fetish. I didn't make the rules. Haha.
> 
> I'm thankful that the beauty ideal has changed somewhat, that's for sure. Back in the day there wouldn't have even been THOSE options.



I suppose the problem for me is that if any man happened to like my body, he somehow has to be labeled..... that seems wrong and not something I'm buying into- I don't live my life by what society tells me 

I don't think any man that finds me attractive/sexy is somehow warped, or has something wrong with him or, at the very least, is sooooooooo unusual......

Wasn't it one time an accepted societal norm to believe the earth was flat? Society can be wrong...


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## liz (di-va) (Jun 24, 2007)

The generally accepted statistic I understand is that probably 1 in 10 men are FAs. Not sure if it's right, but that's the one you hear the most.

I ain't anybody's fetish!


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Your attitude is so rare. It's great though and i'm sad that you really do have to deprogram. It takes a lot for a woman who has been told all her life that she's not the ideal woman to let go of all those feelings. So, maybe out of a room of 1000 men, one finds me attractive? That's a lot of armor to let go of for one person.



Even if it is 1:1000, which its not, that's still no reason to totally blow us FAs off!
Picture this, you build a castle against the world and don't build a door to get in. Sure, you'll be safe, there's no way in. But eventually you'll starve to death inside. Eventually you'll have to open the door to people.

Now if you want to talk about not being able to find people, try finding a *single *BBW that's actually happy that she's fat. There's a need needle in a hay stack for ya.


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## Tooz (Jun 24, 2007)

pickleman357 said:


> Now if you want to talk about not being able to find people, try finding a *single *BBW that's actually happy that she's fat. There's a need needle in a hay stack for ya.



Guess my name is needle. Yeah, I'm not single NOW, but I WAS very recently. I was (and am) happy.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Guess my name is needle. Yeah, I'm not single NOW, but I WAS very recently. I was (and am) happy.



Do you see what I mean?

ARGH!

*gets a sign and starts walking around outside yelling*
*We need fat pride! We need fat pride! We need fat pride! We need fat pride! We need fat pride! We need fat pride! We need fat pride! We need fat pride! We need fat pride! We need fat pride! We need fat pride! We need fat pride!*


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Technically it would be a fetish. But because it's so much more acceptable in society it's called a "preference".
> 
> If you go to a variety of other chat sites or boards BBW or BHM is usually classified as Alternative or Fetish. I didn't make the rules. Haha.
> 
> I'm thankful that the beauty ideal has changed somewhat, that's for sure. Back in the day there wouldn't have even been THOSE options.



What society deems a fetish or not does not determine the definition based off of the literature of the dictionary.

For some it's a preference, for some it's a requirement, and for some it's a kink. It depends on the person as to what it is or not. It can be a fetish in some (Which isn't Fat Admiration), but that's not what this site is aligned too. Labels don't determine definition when the labels can be interpreted in multiple ways: Just like what society says. *The board is marked by: Size Acceptance, Fat Acceptance, Fat Admiration, and other powers together.* There's plenty of sites with thin women that have certain characteristics as well: You can't label this any different because of social acceptability. Someone saying they are a Fat Admirer isn't the same as saying they like fat tummies, and that's the only reason they get into relationships. For most people the latter comment is something that goes with Fat Admiration: It isn't something that marks what is sought.



I think you misconstrue what Fat Admiration is about. You're going to have to ask some of the FAs and BBWs here what the definition of that is.
I use the word "Preference" to describe me because while I do prefer larger women, I am still open to thinner women, and preference to me tends to be more open-ended (But not as loose as being able to jump from fetish to preference) in interpretation than the other labels: Not that it's great for so-and-so to say it's a fetish, but I think with calling preference, it has some balance between being as concrete as Preference/Kink/Requirement, to being open-ended as whatever it may be for someone (Besides a fetish and/or related activity)  . I don't believe Fat Admiration and Fat Fetishism are synonymous because this is a sexual preference for larger partners: While some of us enjoy things like weight gain, there isn't a motivation to do things that are out of the norm in most of these relationships. It's just what society prefers that we date with swapped sizes.
Very few FAs are truly fat fetishists. Whether physical attraction is a bigger factor or not, attraction from other stimuli (Personality, compatibility, views, et cetera...) makes it a preference. I can stay latched on a fat roll forever, but when I say "Did you watch the presidential debate last night?," that makes it a preference.  

You know the textbook definition of fetish, but if you are going to go with society on this one, you can't pick and choose to say this is a fetish site and not believe in the newer corruption of the original definition of fetish. You know the whole "Admiration for a sacred object" to "An activity or sexual attraction to something that is odd" thing? If you pick apart dimensions as being a fetish site: Then you are picking apart the definition of Fat Admiration.

Fat Admiration (On a base level) is a preference/requirement for a human trait: It's not an activity. If this board were a fetish site:
There wouldn't be other boards that go beyond either the paysite board, or another board where people just randomnly posted pictures to pay homage to the larger figure.
-Dimensions wouldn't be an offshoot of NAAFA: It would be it's own thing. Just because Dimensions branched from NAAFA (Originally for Fat Admiration [Which isn't a fetish]) doesn't mean the acceptance and equality views that NAAFA preaches are void and not thought of here. Size Acceptance and Fat Acceptance are here as well. Not everyone that believes in Fat Admiration believe in Fat/Size Acceptance. There are fetish boards, but they aren't like this.


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## supersoup (Jun 24, 2007)

there's a lot of rampant douchebaggery going on.

back to point.

i'm proud of who i am. i'm fat, intelligent, funny, kind, rad, redheaded, short, dog person, etc etc etc. i'm proud of myself first and foremost, with all these other tiny facets of pride that compose it. so fat pride? hell yes, in the sense that i'm busting stereotypes left and right. in the last year, i haven't had an asshat call me fat that i haven't left reeling in the awareness that they didn't insult a FAT person, they insulted a RAD person that they won't ever get to know. so many people want to point fingers, call names, and make fun, and i'm a vehicle to prove all stereotypes otherwise. i'm not dirty, stupid, ugly, smelly, or any of the hundred other things that are assumed of fatties. do i walk around saying 'i'm so fat and so proud of it!!' no. but when that tiny aspect of who i am is brought into question or called out, you bet your ass that my fat pride comes out as well. i have never thought of myself as the fat chick...i've always just been amanda. but when i AM just the fat chick to someone, i'm walking away as the RADDEST fat chick they've ever seen...hopefully so much so that they call their own assumptions into question.


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## Shosh (Jun 24, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> clearly you have some personal issues to work out. i say "fatties" lovingly, to my girlfriend, to the people of the community. you're used to it being a slam. there's nothing offensive about the word "fatty", just the way it's used by hateful people. i'm not a hateful person. i say it affectionately with a dash of tongue-in-cheek.



I don't know that I have some personal issues to work out. I could possibly stand to lighten up a little bit. I can concede that. Maybe it isn't my place in life to fight every battle on behalf of women, but I am going to give it a red hot go though. 
I am actually a very happy person who loves to laugh often, but that is not really going to come across on a computer screen.
Just know that some people have a physical reaction to being called a fatty, as it is generally used in a derogatory manner.
Susannah


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## stan_der_man (Jun 24, 2007)

Susannah said:


> ...
> Just know that some people have a physical reaction to being called a fatty, as it is generally used in a derogatory manner.
> Susannah


The main question here is:

Does it need to be that way?

I don't think so. A person's physical attributes shouldn't be what makes them, but physical attributes shouldn't be what detracts from them either. Fat is just another descriptive word like thin, tall, short, dark, light or whatever. If all that NAAFA, Dimensions and the size acceptance movement ever accomplish is to take the stigma out of the word "fat" then I think the size acceptance movement will go down in history as having been a success. As for your own opinions of yourself as a fat person Susannah, you'll have to work on that one by yourself. As long as you are healthy and happy, why does it matter?

Stan


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> That IS what I see. But as i've said, I haven't been here as long as most of you so maybe i'm missing something.
> 
> 
> Honestly, I don't find this place very "warm". Especially when you question opinions or have some of your own. It's very THIS IS THE WAY WE ARE, SO YOU BETTER BE TOO
> ...




that's not the whole place, that's just stubborn jerk me lol. if you don't find it warm though, you could always receed into the all-embracing, fat-supportive real world.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Buy into what? Look fetish up in the dictionary. That's not a hard thing to do.



i know a ton of perverts with a sick little fetish for "thin women," if that's what you mean. sickies.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 24, 2007)

Susannah said:


> I don't know that I have some personal issues to work out. I could possibly stand to lighten up a little bit. I can concede that. Maybe it isn't my place in life to fight every battle on behalf of women, but I am going to give it a red hot go though.
> I am actually a very happy person who loves to laugh often, but that is not really going to come across on a computer screen.
> Just know that some people have a physical reaction to being called a fatty, as it is generally used in a derogatory manner.
> Susannah



pretend you're in an alternate universe where fat is considered beautiful and calling someone fat isn't derogatory and automatically aligned with "ugly." oh wait, that's what dimensions is.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 24, 2007)

Susannah said:


> Just know that some people have a physical reaction to being called a fatty, as it is generally used in a derogatory manner.
> Susannah



Yes, but to an FA the term fatty is the same as beauty, lovely, etc. Its a compliment. Hopefully we can counter act the derogatory out of the word fat so that it just becomes another descriptive word, (Tall, short, blonde, fat, thin) They *should *just be descriptive words, nothing more.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 24, 2007)

pickleman357 said:


> Yes, but to an FA the term fatty is the same as beauty, lovely, etc. Its a compliment. Hopefully we can counter act the derogatory out of the word fat so that it just becomes another descriptive word, (Tall, short, blonde, fat, thin) They *should *just be descriptive words, nothing more.




You know I get that, I really do. I call myself fat, I've called myself a fattie and quite honestly I wouldn't have a problem with my boyfriend calling me fattie if it was as a term of endearment. I wouldn't be comfortable with just anyone calling me that though, especially if it was someone I didn't know but I'm that way with all terms of endearment. I dont allow anyone to call me baby, sweetheart or anything else of that nature either unless I'm in some sort of relationship (be it romantic or platonic).


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## mossystate (Jun 24, 2007)

Ella Bella said:


> You know I get that, I really do. I call myself fat, I've called myself a fattie and quite honestly I wouldn't have a problem with my boyfriend calling me fattie if it was as a term of endearment. I wouldn't be comfortable with just anyone calling me that though, especially if it was someone I didn't know but I'm that way with all terms of endearment. I dont allow anyone to call me baby, sweetheart or anything else of that nature either unless I'm in some sort of relationship (be it romantic or platonic).




Exactly..



I would say 'fatty' is very different from the bare bones, descriptive word..fat.

And, just because a FA tells me I should like it?....I like to decide what I like....I am stubborn that way.. 

Like some FA's find too many fat women to be insecure ( and I would not say that is not true ), I find too many FA's to be a bit patronizing.


*note I did not say ALL FA's are like this..I see some offerings out here from some fine, upstanding men who love fat women..and those are the men that bring a smile to my face..


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## Surlysomething (Jun 25, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> how many men do you need? it's nice to have a choice, yes, and as you'll find on dimensions, there's plenty to choose from here. in 2007 so many people are still yucked out by online dating, but giving it a shot beats loneliness. i'm not trying to rush you or usagi into a total 180 on attitude, but i was just kind of put off by the quick dismissal. you'll see through experience. i'm not even saying to let go of the armor all the way...caution is better than flat-out cynicism.




I need a whole ocean of men. Come on, man. I'm a chick. We're picky.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 25, 2007)

pickleman357 said:


> Even if it is 1:1000, which its not, that's still no reason to totally blow us FAs off!
> Picture this, you build a castle against the world and don't build a door to get in. Sure, you'll be safe, there's no way in. But eventually you'll starve to death inside. Eventually you'll have to open the door to people.
> 
> Now if you want to talk about not being able to find people, try finding a *single *BBW that's actually happy that she's fat. There's a need needle in a hay stack for ya.



I'll NEVER be happy that i'm fat. That's a given.

Happy with myself, yes. In MY eyes that's very different.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 25, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> that's not the whole place, that's just stubborn jerk me lol. if you don't find it warm though, you could always receed into the all-embracing, fat-supportive real world.



In all honesty, I haven't been ridiculed (at least to my face) for being fat in a VERY long time.


I don't let them have the opportunity.


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## Tooz (Jun 25, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I'll NEVER be happy that i'm fat. That's a given.



Not good to say never! I always said stuff like that about myself back in the day and LOOK AT ME NOW.


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## furious styles (Jun 25, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Not good to say never! I always said stuff like that about myself back in the day and LOOK AT ME NOW.



JUST LOOK AT THIS SUCCcESS STORY AND TO THINK SHE DID IT FOR ONLY TWENTY DOLLARS AND SOME HARD WSORK


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## Usagi (Jun 25, 2007)

pickleman357 said:


> Now if you want to talk about not being able to find people, try finding a *single *BBW that's actually happy that she's fat. There's a need needle in a hay stack for ya.



Was never happy being fat even when I dated, so yeah. Having someone date you that likes you being fat, doesn't make someone happy being fat.




Surlysomething said:


> I'll NEVER be happy that i'm fat. That's a given.



Agreed 100%. Even though I might be trying to see this whole "fat" world from a different light, I doubt I'll ever enjoy being fat. Because it won't stop the stares and the laughing and all the other BS that comes along with it.


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## Tooz (Jun 25, 2007)

Usagi said:


> it won't stop the stares and the laughing and all the other BS that comes along with it.



Who is laughing at you? I haven't been laughed at for this crap since like 8th grade except for this one guy who looked like he had downs syndrome in texas a few years back. If you carry yourself with confidence, people don't mess with you as much


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## Usagi (Jun 25, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Who is laughing at you? I haven't been laughed at for this crap since like 8th grade except for this one guy who looked like he had downs syndrome in texas a few years back. If you carry yourself with confidence, people don't mess with you as much




Yeah, sorry. That's BS. If you're fat people are gonna laugh. Just because they don't do it out loud, they're laughing. Or talking about you in Spanish or Chinese or whatever language they speak.

There wouldn't be a thread for "discrimination" on this same forum if "carrying yourself with confidence" meant anything.

If you're huge and stand out like a sour thumb, people will look and stare. Always be the "fat friend" or "fat co-worker" just like someone in a wheel chair will be "the handicapped friend."


----------



## Tooz (Jun 25, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Yeah, sorry. That's BS. If you're fat people are gonna laugh. Just because they don't do it out loud, they're laughing. Or talking about you in Spanish or Chinese or whatever language they speak.
> 
> There wouldn't be a thread for "discrimination" on this same forum if "carrying yourself with confidence" meant anything.
> 
> If you're huge and stand out like a sour thumb, people will look and stare. Always be the "fat friend" or "fat co-worker" just like someone in a wheel chair will be "the handicapped friend."



lol honey don't try to lecture me on this crap. If you are so set on feeling like this and trying to bring others down, then this really is NOT the place for you. Have you even tried to make ANY positive posts, or even TRY to see yourself in a positive light? If you are not willing to work to fix something, then DON'T COMPLAIN. Seriously. I tried to be nice.


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## mossystate (Jun 25, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Yeah, sorry. That's BS. If you're fat people are gonna laugh. Just because they don't do it out loud, they're laughing. Or talking about you in Spanish or Chinese or whatever language they speak.
> 
> There wouldn't be a thread for "discrimination" on this same forum if "carrying yourself with confidence" meant anything.
> 
> If you're huge and stand out like a sour thumb, people will look and stare. Always be the "fat friend" or "fat co-worker" just like someone in a wheel chair will be "the handicapped friend."




Usagi, I really do think you should try to lose weight, like someone else suggested. If you do so, you can then see if that might make things easier for you. If you find that once you lose weight, you still have the feelings of thinking yourself a "piece of shit", then you can at least know much of it has nothing to do with weight.

What is it you want...?


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## Usagi (Jun 25, 2007)

Tooz said:


> lol honey don't try to lecture me on this crap. If you are so set on feeling like this and trying to bring others down, then this really is NOT the place for you. Have you even tried to make ANY positive posts, or even TRY to see yourself in a positive light? If you are not willing to work to fix something, then DON'T COMPLAIN. Seriously. I tried to be nice.




Tried to be nice my ass. All you want to push your stupid beliefs down my throat like some freaking religious zealot.

You people are only nice to someone if they like being a fattie, anyone else you treat like crap. Very nice place.


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## Shosh (Jun 25, 2007)

Hey, I also struggle with issues of self acceptance, but I have resolved to try to come to terms with it a little more each day. There is no need to attack others here, because we have all been there.
Sending out my best wishes for you to find some peace in your heart.
Susannah


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## MissToodles (Jun 25, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Yeah, sorry. That's BS. If you're fat people are gonna laugh. Just because they don't do it out loud, they're laughing. Or talking about you in Spanish or Chinese or whatever language they speak.
> 
> There wouldn't be a thread for "discrimination" on this same forum if "carrying yourself with confidence" meant anything.
> 
> If you're huge and stand out like a sour thumb, people will look and stare. Always be the "fat friend" or "fat co-worker" just like someone in a wheel chair will be "the handicapped friend."



Listen, I lived in New York all my life and know how harsh people can be here. You can't live in others' heads, you don't know what they think and anyway, it's not important. If you continue down that path, it will consume you whole being.

Confidence doesn't stop people from saying things, you can never control other people. It does give you the fortitude not to care though. You pick yourself up from the verbal boo, brush it off and move on with your day. Until you're ready to give a big "fuck you" to the world, you'll never be happy. Unless you enjoy the role of victim, which seems to be your m.o. here. 

p.s. I graduated from bmcc, and it was one of the better experiences in my life.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jun 25, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Yeah, sorry. That's BS. If you're fat people are gonna laugh. Just because they don't do it out loud, they're laughing. Or talking about you in Spanish or Chinese or whatever language they speak.
> 
> There wouldn't be a thread for "discrimination" on this same forum if "carrying yourself with confidence" meant anything.
> 
> If you're huge and stand out like a sour thumb, people will look and stare. Always be the "fat friend" or "fat co-worker" just like someone in a wheel chair will be "the handicapped friend."




Isn't that a little paranoid? Shit I do way more stuff to be laughed at than just being fat. Just the other day I tripped and fell on the bart while trying to check out a cute guy. Fell flat on my ass in front of the cute guy, right where he could see. I'm sure he was probably laughing inside, other people too. Hell they laughed at me at work when I told the story. Were they laughing because I'm fat and I fell? Nope, they were laughing because I pulled a total dork move. Do I stand out cuz I'm fat? Yup I do, but I also stand out because I happen to be a 6' tall woman. I stand out because I happen to be pretty outspoken and say what's on my mind when its on my mind. I'm not the "fat" friend, I'm the friend that you can always count on to give it to you straight, to be there when you need a friend and to just generally always have your back.

I carry myself with complete confidence, even on days when I'm not feeling so confident. People as a rule dont fuck with me. Would they do that if I cowered whenever someone approached, or if I didn't walk tall and straight and look people in the eye? Nope I really dont think that they would.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 25, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Not good to say never! I always said stuff like that about myself back in the day and LOOK AT ME NOW.




I don't know you so i'm not sure how far you've come.

But if you're happy with yourself, that totally rocks.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 25, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Who is laughing at you? I haven't been laughed at for this crap since like 8th grade except for this one guy who looked like he had downs syndrome in texas a few years back. If you carry yourself with confidence, people don't mess with you as much





I totally agree with you there.


I don't have ANY problems. Unless they're doing it behind my back and if that's the case and they're too scared to say it to my face, I must be doing something right.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 25, 2007)

Ella Bella said:


> Fell flat on my ass in front of the cute guy, right where he could see.




I do that kind of stuff all the time.

I laugh the hardest and first and then everyone laughs along.


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## Dj Zulu (Jun 25, 2007)

mossystate said:


> Like some FA's find too many fat women to be insecure ( and I would not say that is not true ), I find too many FA's to be a bit patronizing.


I remember the first BBW dance I attended, I had in my mind that it would be easy to get women to dance with me because I was a fat guy who liked fat women. I remember leaving that dance being insecure (in 1992) because I really didn't know how to talk to women. That most people knew everyone and I was the new guy I left not sure if I'd attend again.
I figured out my problem was the same problem that many males who think they are fat admirers have, I was out for a fling, I was out to have sex with a fat girl first instead of having a good time and enjoying the empowering feeling I should have had, once I figured out what a jerk I was on the inside (and perhaps on the outside too), my next dance was the time of my life!


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## Tooz (Jun 25, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Tried to be nice my ass. All you want to push your stupid beliefs down my throat like some freaking religious zealot.
> 
> You people are only nice to someone if they like being a fattie, anyone else you treat like crap. Very nice place.



Whoa.

Just whoa.

I'm pretty sure outright insulting as such isn't a good idea. I almost felt guilty for coming off kinda hard at you, but that dissolved when I read these things (and some others in other parts of the forums). You can't see it, but they were SUGGESTIONS. Let's look at the facts, again:

-You come here, looking to learn about this community and the way people here operate. This is fine. People come here to learn about that all the time, and I'd like to think it has helped people. It has helped me in monumental ways, and I know for a fact it has done that for others.

-You seriously struggle with self-image. I don't think it's all related to your weight-- people tend to say "if only, if only" and not look at all the problems that might be afoot because it's easy to blame it on weight. No, that's not me being rude, that's just what I see. Weight is not the only issue here. At any rate, problems as such are not bad-- it is how you deal with them, which brings me to my next point.

-If you look at your post history, even in your introduction thread, you whined and stomped your feet when the mods did not instantaneously move your post. The mods are not gods, things take time. You go around the board and say various down/rude things, and really truly do nothing but bring people down.

-People call you on that.

-You FREAK out and insult people like crazy, and then call US rude when we don't respond with warmth and kindness. People do debate here. Seemingly harsh words may be slung, people may even take things the wrong way-- but one CAN have a different opinion here IF THAT OPINION IS STATED GRACEFULLY AND WITH BACKUP.

As long as you continue to complain that you're awful but take no suggestions or even try to like yourself, people will get upset pretty quickly.

You talk about how hard your life is, and all because you're fat-- yeah, well, mine has been no walk in the park. I've been sexually violated by people because of it, and in middle school sometimes I simply had to up and walk out of the school, not even taking my bag with me because I couldn't get it. I have a daily struggle with my university now with some accomodation issues-- yet I manage to keep it together. I'm not trying to say my life is awful, but if I can keep on, you surely can as well.


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## Tooz (Jun 25, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I don't know you so i'm not sure how far you've come.
> 
> But if you're happy with yourself, that totally rocks.



Yeah, it's kinda random and hard to prove, but really, unless I'm having a down day, I'm good. I don't shudder when I look in a mirror or anything. Generally speaking, I am happy with who I am. Being fat doesn't bother me.


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## Surlysomething (Jun 25, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Yeah, it's kinda random and hard to prove, but really, unless I'm having a down day, I'm good. I don't shudder when I look in a mirror or anything. Generally speaking, I am happy with who I am. Being fat doesn't bother me.





I'm working on it, all the time. That's the best I can do.


It's getting easier...and honestly, this site has really helped, even if i've only been here a few months. It's nice to cut myself some slack and actually feel that it's ok to like the way I look.

Enjoy your day.

:bow:


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## Tooz (Jun 25, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I'm working on it, all the time. That's the best I can do.
> 
> 
> It's getting easier...and honestly, this site has really helped, even if i've only been here a few months. It's nice to cut myself some slack and actually feel that it's ok to like the way I look.
> ...



Well, you know, it does take some time. Putting your mind to it, however, can really change things. People are beautiful in different ways. That sounds so cliche, but I still think life is special, underneath it all, and it saddens me immensely to see anyone (regardless of how they look) cut down or treated poorly or hating themselves simply for something like weight. In the end, it's just a body. There are so many more important things in life. I still sort of hope I live to see the day where the general public can see that, though I know I'm probably being unrealistic.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 25, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I totally agree with you there.
> 
> 
> I don't have ANY problems*. Unless they're doing it behind my back and if that's the case and they're too scared to say it to my face, I must be doing something right*.



Amen Sister


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 25, 2007)

Dj Zulu said:


> I remember the first BBW dance I attended, I had in my mind that it would be easy to get women to dance with me because I was a fat guy who liked fat women. I remember leaving that dance being insecure (in 1992) because I really didn't know how to talk to women. That most people knew everyone and I was the new guy I left not sure if I'd attend again.
> *I figured out my problem was the same problem that many males who think they are fat admirers have, I was out for a fling, I was out to have sex with a fat girl first instead of having a good time and enjoying the empowering feeling I should have had, once I figured out what a jerk I was on the inside (and perhaps on the outside too), my next dance was the time of my life!*




I appreciate your candor here......*tips her hat* :bow:


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## mossystate (Jun 25, 2007)

Also enjoyed that part of your post, Dj....oh....and.....














tips Green..:kiss2: :kiss2:


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## mossystate (Jun 25, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Tried to be nice my ass. All you want to push your stupid beliefs down my throat like some freaking religious zealot.
> 
> You people are only nice to someone if they like being a fattie, anyone else you treat like crap. Very nice place.





I asked you what you want. I did not try to tell you you should like being fat. Nobody has the right to tell you that you 'should' like..anything.

You found Dimensions. This means there is something you thought you might find here. You have to know by know that this place is NOT about hating yourself. 

I think you want to feel better about yourself, so why not just lower the shield in front of you a little bit. You do not have to accept everything you read out here...nobody does that. 

Usagi..again...what is it that you want. 




I am quite persistent.


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## Wagimawr (Jun 25, 2007)

Right now she's probably wanting to get unbanned.


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## mossystate (Jun 25, 2007)

Wagimawr said:


> Right now she's probably wanting to get unbanned.




Oh hell..*L*..did not even see that.

I almost think that is too bad, that she was banned. I think she was less 'dangerous' out here than most who get banned, but I know that she was being a naughty girl. She was just so angry and confused...sigh.


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## Wagimawr (Jun 25, 2007)

It could be only a two week thing - it says "banned" even if it's only temporary.


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## elle camino (Jun 25, 2007)

oook, several pages late now, but when i got home last night i was about 6 sheets to the wind, so i figured i'd wait until today to check this. to recap:


pickleman357 said:


> I've said it before on here, you have to show them that you think of yourself as sexy and they will come to you. If you hide under sweaters and respond to complements like "You look good" with "Yeah right..." You're not going to find them.





elle camino said:


> oh PUH-LEASE.
> seriously, i don't even know where to start with this and my ride's gonna be here in like 5 minutes. so if nobody else has detailed why this is a pretty ridiculous sentiment by the time i get home tonight, i'll do it then.
> cripes.





pickleman357 said:


> Um, think about it. If an FA comes up to you and compliments you, but you just shrug him off because you hate yourself. He's going to think that you're not interested in him and leave you alone.
> 
> How do you expect to find FAs? We don't have name tags!



dude, you're making a LOT of assumptions about fat girls who don't have FA experience, here. what on EARTH makes you think that i don't think of myself as sexy, that i 'hide under sweaters' (hello, have you seen ANY of my pictures?), or that i refuse/don't know how to take compliments, or that i hate myself? that's just an incredibly silly, shallow, insulting response to my original post. seriously. you're basically saying that because i (and other girls like me) haven't nailed an FA, i'm some self-hating mess, waiting in vain for my FA Hero (where's the trademark symbol on a standard keyboard? i always forget when i need it.) to swoop down and teach me to like myself. which is pretty nuts considering i'd JUST posted about how i successfully managed to get all that crap out of the way years ago, WITHOUT the aid of any outside admiration. 

and lastly, how do i expect to find FAs? i expect them to fucking find ME. because, as we've discussed ad nauseum around here, i can't hide my fat. wherever *I* go, everyone *knows* there's a fat girl in the room. if there also happens to be an FA, how the hell am i supposed to know unless he approaches me?


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## IceTeaPrincess (Jun 25, 2007)

elle camino said:


> y'know, to the guys who are getting their undies in a knot over stuff like the FA's/UFO's comparison, etc: seriously? chill out. considering that 'wherever you go, there you are', you have to take into account that your perspective is a bit skewed. wherever YOU guys go, there IS an FA in the room. that, however, is not going to be the experience of most (read: the VAST MAJORITY of) fat girls.
> for most of us, all we've ever experienced from men re: our bodies ranges from abject (vocal) disgust to indifference/apathy. you take 25+ years of that kind of thing and it's hard to just take someone's word that there are men out there who don't feel that way.
> it may feel a little...invalidating, i guess, for a second, to hear a fat woman say "i don't believe FA's actually exist', but suck it up and try to imagine WHY someone would say something like that, and realize that your momentary twinge of invalidation is kinda nothing in the face of the years of BS most fat girls go through to get to the point where they'd say something like that.
> k? k.





I'm not fat anymore but during the last few years of my being fat my experience was much like the wonderfully eloquent Elle Camino describes.. 
I was ready for excitement & genuinely lookin' good & acting mostly confident, but there was one type of bad vibe I experienced a lot... 
It was a feeling from ugly intentioned hints dropped by people with very average ideals that was like "Ha ha, Who are you to think you have reason to be confident?"
Now I tried very hard to resist being offended by that feeling, but for me I just couldn't hack it & lost the weight. But even though I lost the weight I could never & would never have said the type of sad sack negativity that Usagi was... I'm mean DAMN! Reading that sh*t brought me down like a punch in the stomach!  
I might not be fat anymore still am EXTREMELY PROUD of who I was when I was fat. I know I might be seen by some as a quitter because I gave up on my personal fatness, but I see truly confident fat women as being true heroes that belong on Mount Olympus. :bow:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 25, 2007)

mossystate said:


> Also enjoyed that part of your post, Dj....oh....and....
> 
> 
> tips Green..:kiss2: :kiss2:



You're still dreaming of my moonpie, aren't you?  :batting:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 25, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I need a whole ocean of men.




I do too.... "ocean of men" sounds sooo hot......:smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :batting: :batting:


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## mossystate (Jun 25, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You're still dreaming of my moonpie, aren't you?  :batting:




I actually removed my eyeballs, last night and soaked them in bleach...you owe me new eyeballs.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 25, 2007)

mossystate said:


> Exactly..
> 
> 
> 
> ...



i say fatties because i feel i have the right to among the community and because i've got a belly myself. if it ever truly harmed someone i'd apologize or explain.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 25, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I'll NEVER be happy that i'm fat. That's a given.
> 
> Happy with myself, yes. In MY eyes that's very different.



do you plan on staying fat or losing the weight? whichever you choose, i'd hope you're happy with the "end result" of your body.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jun 25, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Yeah, sorry. That's BS. If you're fat people are gonna laugh. Just because they don't do it out loud, they're laughing. Or talking about you in Spanish or Chinese or whatever language they speak.
> 
> There wouldn't be a thread for "discrimination" on this same forum if "carrying yourself with confidence" meant anything.
> 
> If you're huge and stand out like a sour thumb, people will look and stare. Always be the "fat friend" or "fat co-worker" just like someone in a wheel chair will be "the handicapped friend."



ok, let's say you're one half of a gay couple and you suffered a lot of torment and harassment in the past. when you move to a more liberal area, you may be hesitant about displaying affection in public, but you don't think a change in environment and peers will ever make you proud of an identity you were once made to feel ashamed of and exiled by? the only difference is that you can try to lose weight, and a gay person can't become straight. but either way, you don't think you'll ever get over the past?


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## exile in thighville (Jun 25, 2007)

Usagi said:


> Tried to be nice my ass. All you want to push your stupid beliefs down my throat like some freaking religious zealot.
> 
> You people are only nice to someone if they like being a fattie, anyone else you treat like crap. Very nice place.



your worldview's real slanted for the worse, honey. you don't have to believe what we say, but you're not getting any happier on your own belief. and no one's treating you "like crap," we're just trying to show you reasons why you don't have to hate yourself...i'd call that a nice place. you know any nicer?


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## exile in thighville (Jun 25, 2007)

i just noticed usagi was banned. i really hope she's able to come back. hopefully she'll see this. surlysomething and usagi...we all really just mean the best...we argue in favor of your beauty to better your lives. you don't have to force our beliefs down your throat, but they're worthy considerations as alternatives to a life of hating your body image. really, talk to the people here, look around. there's so much appeal to being a bbw, mentally, physically...all of it. it's not such a bad world to be in. even if you never meet an FA in real life, online's better than nothing. usagi's not a troll, just someone who's built up a major shell to protect her from vulnerability, from a likely long time of bad experience. maybe she'll peek out of it eventually to see that the coast is clear.


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## imfree (Jun 25, 2007)

Wagimawr said:


> Right now she's probably wanting to get unbanned.



WOW!!!, I cringed as I read her posts, wondering how long it would take
her to get banned----is 26 posts a new record??? Mossystate has a great point.
Just exactly WHAT did that gal want? I know one thing, if she WANTS to hate herself for being fat, this is the wrong place to post about it.


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## mossystate (Jun 25, 2007)

imfree said:


> WOW!!!, I cringed as I read her posts, wondering how long it would take
> her to get banned----is 26 posts a new record??? Mossystate has a great point.
> Just exactly WHAT did that gal want? I know one thing, if she WANTS to hate herself for being fat, this is the wrong place to post about it.




No, you misunderstood what I said. 

I was not asking that to bash her or make her feel small. I asked it because she is obviously a tormented soul and I think this IS the perfect place to come if you hate yourself, but only if you do not act the way she did with provoking people to the extent we saw.


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## RedVelvet (Jun 25, 2007)

dan ex machina said:


> how come? everyone should be proud of what they are.





Everyone? 



.....Idi Amin?


.............................pedophiles?


.............................................................Pat Robinson?



Nevermind....I'm just being a ....a.......well..obviously I need spankies.


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## imfree (Jun 25, 2007)

mossystate said:


> No, you misunderstood what I said.
> 
> I was not asking that to bash her or make her feel small. I asked it because she is obviously a tormented soul and I think this IS the perfect place to come if you hate yourself, but only if you do not act the way she did with provoking people to the extent we saw.



Sorry 'bout the misunderstanding, I do clearly see your point of view.
That kind of anger really does come out of hurt, a lot of times. Interacting with the guys in these forums could help her sort things out. I'll try to live my signature statements a little better, LOL.


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## Tooz (Jun 25, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Pat Robinson?



Yeah, even him. Say what you will but sticking with what YOU believe in is good reason to be proud of yourself.


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## Tooz (Jun 25, 2007)

imfree said:


> That kind of anger really does come out of hurt



That or chemical imbalance.


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## RedVelvet (Jun 25, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Yeah, even him. Say what you will but sticking with what YOU believe in is good reason to be proud of yourself.




He also believes, when not taking peoples money, in owning diamond mines in Africa, and the terrorist, socio-political issues and violence that comes with that ...........


He adds to the suffering in the world.



He is not an amusing little kook.


----------



## furious styles (Jun 25, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> He also believes, when not taking peoples money, in owning diamond mines in Africa, and the terrorist, socio-political issues and violence that comes with that ...........
> 
> 
> He adds to the suffering in the world.
> ...



don't worry, he'll be dead soon.


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## Tooz (Jun 25, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> He also believes, when not taking peoples money, in owning diamond mines in Africa, and the terrorist, socio-political issues and violence that comes with that ...........
> 
> 
> He adds to the suffering in the world.
> ...



Maybe, but my previous statements still stand.


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## Tina (Jun 25, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Everyone?
> 
> 
> .....Idi Amin?
> ...



Pandering for a spanking, I see, Velvet.


----------



## imfree (Jun 25, 2007)

Tooz said:


> That or chemical imbalance.



I wasn't going to say that 'cause they're still adjusting MINE!!!
I'm just kidding, LOL.


----------



## pickleman357 (Jun 25, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> I'll NEVER be happy that i'm fat. That's a given.
> 
> Happy with myself, yes. In MY eyes that's very different.



If you can be happy with yourself the way you are. Great. Just remember that there are FAs out there that find every once of fat on your body very sexy. 



Usagi said:


> Tried to be nice my ass. All you want to push your stupid beliefs down my throat like some freaking religious zealot.


Hopefully Usagi will see this;
What did you _expect _to find here? this is a BBW, a *B*IG _*B*EAUTIFUL _*W*OMAN, site. If you want to find some other fat women who hate themselves, go chat on Jenny Craig or something. 


> You people are only nice to someone if they like being a fattie, anyone else you treat like crap. Very nice place.



No, we try and encourage people who don't like their fat. We try and make them see that fat in the past and everywhere else in the world is a symbol of power, wealth, beauty, and royalty. This is the weird soceity, its not right, its not normal!



elle camino said:


> dude, you're making a LOT of assumptions about fat girls who don't have FA experience, here. what on EARTH makes you think that i don't think of myself as sexy, that i 'hide under sweaters' (hello, have you seen ANY of my pictures?), or that i refuse/don't know how to take compliments, or that i hate myself? that's just an incredibly silly, shallow, insulting response to my original post. seriously. you're basically saying that because i (and other girls like me) haven't nailed an FA, i'm some self-hating mess, waiting in vain for my FA Hero (where's the trademark symbol on a standard keyboard? i always forget when i need it.) to swoop down and teach me to like myself. which is pretty nuts considering i'd JUST posted about how i successfully managed to get all that crap out of the way years ago, WITHOUT the aid of any outside admiration.
> 
> and lastly, how do i expect to find FAs? i expect them to fucking find ME. because, as we've discussed ad nauseum around here, i can't hide my fat. wherever *I* go, everyone *knows* there's a fat girl in the room. if there also happens to be an FA, how the hell am i supposed to know unless he approaches me?



I don't mean to make assumptions, but from what you have said you have given me the impression that you're not overly happy with your body.
Let me make my point as clear as my stupid guy brain can.

If you are able to think that you are sexy, then you will be sexy.
If you think you are ugly, then you will be ugly.
It doesn't matter what's on top, you can't put icing on shit and make it taste good! I'd rather have a naked vanilla cake with nothing on it then chocolate coated feces! Its what's on the inside that makes us who we are. At least, IMO

I would be exstatic to hear that you think you're sexy, but just haven't found an FA yet. Truely.

And i'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, me man no good words with engish. Sorry


----------



## elle camino (Jun 25, 2007)

pickleman357 said:


> I don't mean to make assumptions, but from what you have said you have given me the impression that you're not overly happy with your body.



...what?? where?
quotes please, or else i'm just going to assume you're not too bright, you don't know how to read, or you're just confusing me with another person.
i may be vociferous about my disdain for the abuse fat women have to fend off from the douchebags of the world, but that's a FAR cry from disliking my own body. reading comp ftw.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 25, 2007)

elle camino said:


> ...what?? where?
> quotes please, or else i'm just going to assume you're not too bright, you don't know how to read, or you're just confusing me with another person.
> i may be vociferous about my disdain for the abuse fat women have to fend off from the douchebags of the world, but that's a FAR cry from disliking my own body. reading comp ftw.



I think I'm confusing you with another person... and with the way I spell I would doubt my reading skills too.

me no good with words. Sorry


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## elle camino (Jun 25, 2007)

mhm. you were confusing me with another person, whose posts you were reading and quoting. riiiight. 
you were making reasonably jerkoff assumptions about me, since i'm upfront about never having dated an FA. never dated an FA = miserable with your body, right? of course! oh captain FA, will your work _ever_ be done?
gimmie a break.
next.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 25, 2007)

elle camino said:


> mhm. you were confusing me with another person, whose posts you were reading and quoting. riiiight.
> you were making reasonably jerkoff assumptions about me, since i'm upfront about never having dated an FA. never dated an FA = miserable with your body, right? of course! oh captain FA, will your work _ever_ be done?
> gimmie a break.
> next.



I made a mistake, I said I was sorry, what more do you want from me?


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## elle camino (Jun 25, 2007)

oh don't be dramatic. i said my peace, i'm done. hence the 'next'.
:bow:


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## pickleman357 (Jun 25, 2007)

Alrighty, want to join me in the fat pride parade then?


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## Shosh (Jun 26, 2007)

Hey, I am still waiting for the axe to fall on me about the paysite thread. I was sure that I was gonna get canned for that.  
As for Usagi, I feel so sad for her. I hope that she can come back.
Susannah


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## exile in thighville (Jun 26, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> Everyone?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



hey Idi Amin should be proud of himself. if he wasn't such a murderous ogre, a greatly talented actor wouldn't have gotten an oscar. and pedophiles should be proud of themselves for making "to catch a predator", seriously great prime time tv, possible. and pat robinson should be proud because he's not rick santorum. and you should be proud of yourself because i didn't smack you for being a wiseass.


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