# Your first orgasm...



## CaitiDee (Mar 11, 2011)

I searched and didn't find a similar thread, so I'm starting this one. Correct me if I'm wrong and there's really one out there. 

This is kind of a personal topic, but I wanted to share and start a discussion about this. 

I'm 23 and have been sexually active for several years now. I just had my first orgasm, however, last week. Alone in my bed, which I always figured would be the case. I've had 4 more since and its my new favorite hobby. 

But anywho, I'm curious what your experience was. How old were you? Were you alone? Did you use any toys? Any advice for a newcomer? (Did ya catch that? I'm so punny.)

This one's just for the ladies. Sorry fellas.


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## CaitiDee (Mar 11, 2011)

Also, I'm curious if any of you were late bloomers too? They say a lot of times, women can't come because they're not fully relaxed and comfortable. I was far more comfortable in my own skin than all of my female friends, skinny or fat, and yet they were all having orgasms. So I never really understood what the deal was. Still don't really. But I wonder if my weight ever had anything to do with it.


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 11, 2011)

like you, mine was alone too lol but I was about 15 or so...that was the first "real" one I ever had, and it took years before someone else could give me one...they are great though!!:blush:


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## Jes (Mar 11, 2011)

7th grade. 12 (possibly 13). My friend explained how to do it* (which she'd learned from Cosmo, I believe) at our lockers outside of home room.

I immediately went home after school and tried it. It took about 5 seconds (literally) and was A M A Z I N G. I'd never felt anything like it but afterwards, I was sure to feel something like it every few days. 

First time using my hand: night before my 16th birthday, in the basement on the couch of the people for whom I was babysitting, watching a pilfered copy of Debbie Does Dallas. 

*in a very interesting way not involving hands.


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## CastingPearls (Mar 11, 2011)

I was a very precocious child. I remember 'playing with myself' at three while watching Sesame Street and my grandmother found me and beat me calling me a dirty girl. Instead of feeling ashamed I was thrilled --this must have been good stuff for her to be so scared or angry about it! 

My parents bought me a controversial sex tutorial called Show Me that was taken off the shelves almost immediately because it was deemed too pornographic so they hid it on the top shelf in their closet and the first chance I got, I located it, and hid under their bed and read it from cover to cover (the last chapter was the parents' primer) I was around 5 or 7 then. I had taught myself to read when I was four so this was easy-peasy.

I didn't know what an orgasm was but I was determined to give myself one and I figured it out when I was around 11. I kept stopping and starting and one afternoon of experimentation, just let myself go and it just happened and I never looked back after that. LOL


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 11, 2011)

My best friend when I was little & I used to kind of experiment with each other.. it started out purely with curiosity .. mostly looking, comparing, etc. but as we got a little older we started experimenting with touching each other. We used to act out what we thought sex would be like between a man and a woman.. basically, it was us just grinding on each other. I'm not even sure where we got these ideas from because neither of us had actually ever seen a penis or anything before.. we were only like 10 by the time it had progressed to this. We also started including our other friend. We'd take turns being the guy or the girl or the one watching. This sounds incredibly creepy but honestly at the time, we were just .. exploring, I guess. When they touched me, it felt good, but I had never had an orgasm. I don't ever remember being legitimately turned on either. Like, it felt good but I don't remember ever actually feeling the urge to touch myself or anything. One time though, we were playing that game where you write a sentence, and then the next person writes one, and then someone else writes one etc. and it forms a story basically.. and somehow it got kind of PG-13 sexual, and I remember going back to that notebook the next day and reading it again and it was like the first time I remember really being horny I guess. I was probably 10 or 11 at that point. So, I started touching myself and then.. it happened and it was glorious haha. My friend and I did that up until the age of like 15ish though.. although by that point it was no longer really a game.. we would just make out & play with each other. It basically leveled off after both of us started actually having sex. We never like, discussed it or anything which is kind of weird, it always just like happened and then afterward we'd pretend it didn't and go on like it was NBD. I think I was just a weird kid.


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 11, 2011)

It is quite ironic that your first sexual experiences were so similar to mine, though in my post I only focused on my own first orgasm...the first one ever given to be by another person was another girl (big girl too lol), as I used to play around and experiment with my one specific friend from about 10-13 when I moved...we would do the same things pretend one was the girl and one the boy and who the girl was would be on bottom (gender roles lol I guess) and then just grind in our pj's lol but around 13 before I moved we did actually have sex, (did not orgasm) and it was pretty awkward but liberating lol...I'm bisexual now and I wonder how much had to do what those experiences?


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## DeerVictory (Mar 11, 2011)

I probably would have been around 9 or 10 when I started masturbating, but I don't remember my first orgasm. In my house, we have a jacuzzi with jets and I used to position myself so the water would hit my clitoris. I used to read my mother's victorian smut that she hid in her drawers while I did it, but I don't remember the specific time that I had my first orgasm. I remember breaking my hymen though, because it was before I got my period officially and I was really confused by it. 

My first orgasm with the help of another person was in an airport when I was 17.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 11, 2011)

rubenesquehunny said:


> It is quite ironic that your first sexual experiences were so similar to mine, though in my post I only focused on my own first orgasm...the first one ever given to be by another person was another girl (big girl too lol), as I used to play around and experiment with my one specific friend from about 10-13 when I moved...we would do the same things pretend one was the girl and one the boy and who the girl was would be on bottom (gender roles lol I guess) and then just grind in our pj's lol but around 13 before I moved we did actually have sex, (did not orgasm) and it was pretty awkward but liberating lol...I'm bisexual now and I wonder how much had to do what those experiences?



That makes me feel a lot less weird haha, glad I'm not alone. But yeah, I identify as bisexual too, and I wonder the same thing.



DeerVictory said:


> I remember breaking my hymen though, because it was before I got my period officially and I was really confused by it.



The same thing happened to me.. I thought I was getting my period but it turned out I had just tore my hymen instead (at least that was the assumption.. more or less confirmed because when I lost my virginity there was no blood.)


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## CastingPearls (Mar 11, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> The same thing happened to me.. I thought I was getting my period but it turned out I had just tore my hymen instead (at least that was the assumption.. more or less confirmed because when I lost my virginity there was no blood.)



I broke mine in a bicycle accident when I was 9 or 10 I think, so there wasn't any pain or blood for me when I lost mine either.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 11, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> I broke mine in a bicycle accident when I was 9 or 10 I think, so there wasn't any pain or blood for me either.



Mine was a bicycle accident too actually. It still hurt when I lost my vcard but not as bad as other girls, from what I hear.


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## Tau (Mar 11, 2011)

Loving this thread  I was 10. I remember the day so clearly. We had a new neighbour and she had just loaned me one of her romance novels - you know the thick historical kind. This book blew my little 10 year old mind. It was the first time getting wet and that was a kind of "huh what the hell is this?" moment, then my nipples went hard and sore and I could barely breath right. Intrigued I trotted off to an empty room we used for storage, sat on the floor and reached inside my panties. That first touch, first flick over my clitoris, set me off so hard I semi passed out. I haven't looked back since - that first was still one of the best I've ever had. It was amazing finding out that my body was capable of such - like discovering a new super power


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## Saoirse (Mar 11, 2011)

My first one was the first time I jilled off. Dont remember how old I was, but I do remember that I was wearing a Backstreet Boys tee shirt! 

As for sex, I still dont think Ive had one during... but the last 2 boys got me pretty damn close!


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 11, 2011)

Yeah I broke mine in the "traditional" way lol by horrible sex lol but I wasn't able to have an orgasm through sex for years lol and never a clit orgasm during sex  but that is what fingers and oral is for lol but I always was experimenting with other girls when I was younger and it just developed (for me at least) into my sexuality now, I guess even as a kid I knew if it felt good and no one was being hurt then why the hell not?! I have always been able to masturbate to orgasm after that first time at 15 or so (though I used to rub myself as little as 3 or so) but (with the exception of a very few men) it has always been to women (and they have always had to be bigger too!)...don't think I have really shared that before lol


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 11, 2011)

I've never orgasmed during sex. I've only orgasmed from someone else twice in my life.. I have a little bit of a complex about it. My boyfriend & I are working on it though, hah.


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## PinkRodery (Mar 11, 2011)

First time, I was about... 15 or 16, maybe? And it was by myself. And basically every time since, I've managed it.

Haven't had an orgasm through actual traditional sex. Though one guy managed to get me off with his hand, through oral sex and through biting and scratching me a lot.


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## CaitiDee (Mar 12, 2011)

Lovin all the responses! Looks likes most of you were pretty young the first time. I wish I hadn't missed out on 10+ years of orgasms! But now I know. 

Jes, I'm curious (REALLY curious actually) what that Cosmo trick was...?


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 12, 2011)

lol orgasming during sex was one of the hardest things I have experienced..it was with my ex (the first time) and only after I knew I was accepted and comfortable. It does take a long time for me, sometimes to orgasm during (or during sexual play anyways), mutual masturbation is nice because you can share what turns you on with your partner as well as getting yours!! Clit orgasms can be difficult but as any woman knows, sooooo worth it!! As for G-sport orgasm, with or without a partner, slow exploration and google should tell you all you need to know about stimulation that might lead to orgasms through sex!!:happy:


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 12, 2011)

the more you stress the harder it can be (that's what she said lol), your body is to be enjoyed and finding the technique that works for you.....I know you can do it!!


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## Fallenangel2904 (Mar 12, 2011)

I feel so much less weird about myself after this thread haha

I used to mess around with a few of my female friends when I was a kid too- nothing too serious, mostly just grinding and light touching- I was probably between 7-10 and really we had no clue what the hell we were doing haha. Never spoke of it afterward either. Kinda makes more sense to me now when one of them who was my best friend growing up came onto me a bunch of times years later- oppse!  lol- 

As for my first 'O'-I was 11 when I first started masturbating and when I had my first orgasm. I was just messing around and volia it happened. I used to sneak porn when I was a kid and was always really curious about sex and sexual exploration, so one day I just started exploring myself and it happened. I don't think I really knew exactly what I was doing, but I knew enough to know what felt good lol.


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## CarlaSixx (Mar 12, 2011)

My first real one was at 17. I thought I had before that, but then that one day... OMG. :wubu: I then realized I never truly had before that, and I've been chasing it ever since. It was with someone else, through traditional sex. I think I only got a real orgasm on my own just once, and it took a lot of effort.


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## olwen (Mar 12, 2011)

I actually don't remember my first orgasm from masturbation. It was too long ago. What I do remember is the first time I came from penetration sex. It was about 5 or six years ago with a fuck buddy. I don't know what made it happen with him and no one else previously, but I was shocked because up until then I didn't think I could orgasm that way. I also remember my first orgasm from a spanking was around the same time and it blew my mind and hooked me to BDSM. That orgasm trumped any one I had ever had previously. And now if I have to choose between penetration sex and a spanking, I'd choose the spanking every time.


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 12, 2011)

olwen said:


> I actually don't remember my first orgasm from masturbation. It was too long ago. What I do remember is the first time I came from penetration sex. It was about 5 or six years ago with a fuck buddy. I don't know what made it happen with him and no one else previously, but I was shocked because up until then I didn't think I could orgasm that way. I also remember my first orgasm from a spanking was around the same time and it blew my mind and hooked me to BDSM. That orgasm trumped any one I had ever had previously. And now if I have to choose between penetration sex and a spanking, I'd choose the spanking every time.[/QUou
> 
> Hey a good spanking is good every so often


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## goofy girl (Mar 12, 2011)

I'm 33 but haven't had one yet. I mean, I feel a sort of...slight amount of relief lol or something but not an actual orgasm. I'm really looking forward to it though! LOL


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## Jes (Mar 12, 2011)

CaitiDee said:


> Jes, I'm curious (REALLY curious actually) what that Cosmo trick was...?



Meet me outside of homeroom before study hall!!


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## bella929 (Mar 13, 2011)

I've been having sex for about 4 years now and I still haven't reached my first orgasm during sex either! I've had plenty of clitoral orgasms on my own, alas, no G-spot orgasms.  I hope we get there soon!


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## LalaCity (Mar 13, 2011)

I was alone, seventeen years old, and I'd stolen some sort of kitchen appliance and wrapped it in plastic as a make-shift vibrator.

The sad thing is, the orgasm was so powerful that I stopped in the middle of it thinking that something abnormal was happening to me! Had I only known that I'd never have another one so good in my life! *sigh*


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## LalaCity (Mar 13, 2011)

bella929 said:


> I've been having sex for about 4 years now and I still haven't reached my first orgasm during sex either! I've had plenty of clitoral orgasms on my own, alas, no G-spot orgasms.  I hope we get there soon!



I've been having sex for 18 years and I've never had a vaginal orgasm, although one time I felt like I got really, _really_ close...

Maybe some women just don't have them, and I'm cool with it if I never experience one myself. 

Of course, I do hope I have one someday -- it certainly ain't for lack of trying that I haven't yet!


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## bella929 (Mar 13, 2011)

LalaCity said:


> I've been having sex for 18 years and I've never had a vaginal orgasm, although one time I felt like I got really, _really_ close...
> 
> Maybe some women just don't have them, and I'm cool with it if I never experience one myself.
> 
> Of course, I do hope I have one someday -- it certainly ain't for lack of trying that I haven't yet!



Awww...I really hope it isn't that some women just don't have them D:
One of my friends speculated that it could be less of a physical and more of a mental barrier that's keeping me from reaching climax.  What do you think?


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## bonified (Mar 13, 2011)

I wonder for all the girls that haven't yet had the vj orgasm, whether or not you've just not had one with a partner, or you havent found out how to do it with yourself either?


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## LalaCity (Mar 13, 2011)

bella929 said:


> Awww...I really hope it isn't that some women just don't have them D:
> One of my friends speculated that it could be less of a physical and more of a mental barrier that's keeping me from reaching climax.  What do you think?



It's possible that you'll get closer to that point with time and greater understanding of your own body and its physical responses...I think there's just a natural evolution in that regard which happens gradually and often unconsciously for most women. 

Also, I think the way that you relate to a particular partner and how much chemistry exists between you -- how at ease you feel with someone both physically and emotionally -- plays a huge role. So, yes, I think a big part of it is mental for women, but it's also true that we just sexually "ripen" a bit later (in our 30's) than men do. (And -- lets' face it -- the relative maturity, experience and mastery of "technique" in our partners plays a giant part, too.)

The best advice I can give you is to relax and not worry about how your body may or may not be responding or think yourself "deficient" in some way because you're not experiencing what Cosmo magazine says you should. I remember feeling a certain pressure to be like a porn Goddess, or something, having multiple orgasms out of every orifice, etc., and eventually I figured out that it's a lot of bullshit. There's a bajillion ways to enjoy sex and I'm sure with time (and the right partner) you'll figure out just what works for you, mentally, emotionally, and in every other way.


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## LalaCity (Mar 13, 2011)

bonified said:


> I wonder for all the girls that haven't yet had the vj orgasm, whether or not you've just not had one with a partner, or you havent found out how to do it with yourself either?



I think my problem is that I've had _few_ decent partners and not enough time with the couple of good ones I _have_ had in order to get this little love rocket off the ground. Most guys are a lousy lay, if I'm being brutally honest. They don't last long enough or they stop-start-stop-start and they can't get a decent rhythm going to allow the stimulation to build in me. Often they just go at it too hard (which I like, don't get me wrong), but usually a certain delicate threshold is just barreled over and lost. It's frustrating.

As far as doing it to myself is concerned, I just can't get off on dildos, somehow. A vibrator, yes, but only "externally." I think I might be a little over-sensitive in the VJ, that there's a very fine line for me between just the right amount of stimulation and being painfully overstimulated, and that I haven't really explored it on my own because it's sort of...tricky for me, if that makes any sense.

Keep in mind that I'm relatively new, as of the last few years, to the concept of FAs or that my body might be attractive or desirable to a man. I think the self-loathing I had for such a long time definitely retarded my sexual growth, so to speak. I'd love to have sex with a genuine FA who truly appreciated _my_ specific type of figure, but sadly, I haven't really had the opportunity yet, I don't think.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 13, 2011)

bella929 said:


> Awww...I really hope it isn't that some women just don't have them D:
> One of my friends speculated that it could be less of a physical and more of a mental barrier that's keeping me from reaching climax.  What do you think?



I think this definitely plays a role for me.. I've had more than one person imply (or outright say) that something _must_ be wrong with me or that _I'm_ doing something wrong and thats why I can't finish. I think it has a lot to do with their own insecurities regarding their abilities. I always just remind them that I can get myself to orgasm in less than 30 seconds, so I don't think my clit is exactly malfunctioning. A lot of partners don't take the time to get to know the person.. and although I've really tried to teach people to do it the "right way" (for my own body, that is) it hasn't seemed to help. The guy I most recently dated (as in, we broke up like 20 hours ago :/) did really put in a lot of effort.. and subsequently, I was muchmuuuch closer with him than anyone else (with the exception of the one person who was able to get me off.) Anyway, I think this has given me a complex about it. I feel uncomfortably pressured to finish and I have some insecurities about not being able to or taking too long to so it just hasn't happened (except that once.) The other reason I think it's a mental thing is because the one and only time I had an orgasm from someone else I was reallllly really high. I think it helped relax me enough to get to that point. Here's hoping it happens eventually though! I think I just need to be with the right person, in the right situation.


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 13, 2011)

bella929 said:


> Awww...I really hope it isn't that some women just don't have them D:
> One of my friends speculated that it could be less of a physical and more of a mental barrier that's keeping me from reaching climax.  What do you think?





LalaCity said:


> I've been having sex for 18 years and I've never had a vaginal orgasm, although one time I felt like I got really, _really_ close...
> 
> Maybe some women just don't have them, and I'm cool with it if I never experience one myself.
> 
> Of course, I do hope I have one someday -- it certainly ain't for lack of trying that I haven't yet!





LalaCity said:


> I was alone, seventeen years old, and I'd stolen some sort of kitchen appliance and wrapped it in plastic as a make-shift vibrator.
> 
> The sad thing is, the orgasm was so powerful that I stopped in the middle of it thinking that something abnormal was happening to me! Had I only known that I'd never have another one so good in my life! *sigh*




From what i have read (and i have done some research on the topic as orgasms are very important to me lol), it is possible (biologically) for each woman to have a g-spot orgasm but it has alot to do with relaxing, being comfortable with the situation (or partner) and taking the right amount of time. I read that the g-spot has to be stimulated a certain way and many times the men just are not spending the time to figure it out. I am not saying men are bad lovers, just saying that not every man realizes there is more to sex then the motion, each woman is different with different pressures, speeds and techniques. I know what works for me, and I would seriously recommend each woman who has never had one, to google how to achieve one through masturbation, grab what gets you going and have at it!! It can take a bit to get the hang of it (not as easily accessable as a clit lol) but is very good


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## LalaCity (Mar 13, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> I think this definitely plays a role for me.. I've had more than one person imply (or outright say) that something _must_ be wrong with me or that _I'm_ doing something wrong and thats why I can't finish. I think it has a lot to do with their own insecurities regarding their abilities. I always just remind them that I can get myself to orgasm in less than 30 seconds, so I don't think my clit is exactly malfunctioning. A lot of partners don't take the time to get to know the person.. and although I've really tried to teach people to do it the "right way" (for my own body, that is) it hasn't seemed to help. The guy I most recently dated (as in, we broke up like 20 hours ago :/) did really put in a lot of effort.. and subsequently, I was muchmuuuch closer with him than anyone else (with the exception of the one person who was able to get me off.) Anyway, I think this has given me a complex about it. I feel uncomfortably pressured to finish and I have some insecurities about not being able to or taking too long to so it just hasn't happened (except that once.) The other reason I think it's a mental thing is because the one and only time I had an orgasm from someone else I was reallllly really high. I think it helped relax me enough to get to that point. Here's hoping it happens eventually though! I think I just need to be with the right person, in the right situation.



I don't know your dating history at all, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the guys you've been with are themselves pretty young (like, early 20's)...? (Please correct me if I'm wrong!)

If true, then they probably don't really know what they're doing, I have to say. I know it's a broad generalization...but I defy any woman of a "certain age" to argue otherwise.

In which case, it's most definitely NOT your fault. Hell -- even if you've been with an older man you still need time to "discover" your own body, so to speak.


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## LalaCity (Mar 13, 2011)

And I'll just add, for all you young women -- DO NOT be taken in by the mantra that men "peak" sexually at the age of 18. Their ability to shoot their wad like a howitzer might be at its height, but that has nothing to do with their prowess as a lover. I personally believe that most men (again, gross generalizations, I know) don't come into their own in terms of sensitivity, technique and the understanding of what it means to make love to a partner on multiple levels of body and soul until they are at _least_ in their mid-to-late 30's...and often a decade beyond that. Let's say that their emotional maturity finally catches up with their sexuality at a certain age.


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 13, 2011)

LalaCity said:


> I don't know your dating history at all, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the guys you've been with are themselves pretty young (like, early 20's)...? (Please correct me if I'm wrong!)
> 
> If true, then they probably don't really know what they're doing, I have to say. I know it's a broad generalization...but I defy any woman of a "certain age" to argue otherwise.
> 
> In which case, it's most definitely NOT your fault. Hell -- even if you've been with an older man you still need time to "discover" your own body, so to speak.



100% agreed!! It is not you!! It is not your fault!! :happy:


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## bella929 (Mar 13, 2011)

These past few posts are very encouraging...!
Lala you make me giggle! "Their ability to shoot their wad like a howitzer might be at its height..." ahahaha xD

@thatgirl, I'm sorry to hear about your breakup  I can definitely relate to having people think that my inability to finish is my fault. In my experience, some of the guys took it as a challenge, while others didn't even really try...

And @bonified, I've never achieved a G-spot orgasm-even when I'm doing it solo  

I think out of all my partners, the one I was most comfortable with was my high school boyfriend. I always felt sexy and beautiful with him despite my size. (Don't get me wrong-I find many larger individuals very attractive, but the rest of the world does not always agree D 

The rest of the guys I've been intimate with have (for the most part) been hookups/fwb-and I find myself feeling pretty self-conscious with them. I think I definitely need to find someone I can feel comfortable with...

Cheers to our many future orgasms!


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## bella929 (Mar 13, 2011)

Oooh Lalacity, I'm from Santa Barbara too! > (off topic I know)


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## mszwebs (Mar 13, 2011)

Pretty sure that I was an early teen, and it was on my back, in the tub, with my legs up against the wall and the water hitting my clit. I think I read it in Everything I Always Wanted To Know About Sex But Was Afraid To Ask.

First orgasm from oral sex was July of 2009. Burst into tears while it was happening.

July of 2010, I had my first orgasm from vaginal sex (cried after that one too lol). I think I had it because I was not expecting it. I had sex for 11 years, faking my way through, so I didn't think it was going to happen.

Boy. Was I WRONG lol.


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 13, 2011)

bella929 said:


> Oooh Lalacity, I'm from Santa Barbara too! > (off topic I know)





mszwebs said:


> Pretty sure that I was an early teen, and it was on my back, in the tub, with my legs up against the wall and the water hitting my clit. I think I read it in Everything I Always Wanted To Know About Sex But Was Afraid To Ask.
> 
> First orgasm from oral sex was July of 2009. Burst into tears while it was happening.
> 
> ...



I am so glad that you had the orgasmic experiences you did and that hopefully each one of the awesome women on here that haven't had orgasms (whether from sex or at all) will be having them all the time and happy days for all!:happy: I will also say, though it was not my frist orgasm from sex, I too have burst out crying (in a good way lol) during sex and my hunny just reminded me of it other day....for me it was a very emotional experience I was having with him, not just physical and I felt humbled by my feelings for him at the moment and was just very open and very much in love so maybe that is the depth of feelings (not those specific feelings per se) that one has to reach to be able to have an orgasm from sex....who knows, just hope everyone is having one (to start lol:blush:wubu:


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## rubenesquehunny (Mar 13, 2011)

lol oh I included the Santa Barb one cause one day I plan on getting my PhD in CA so I will be your norther neighbor!! Forgot to add on other post lol:doh:


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## bonified (Mar 13, 2011)

lol the ones where you burst into tears are killers. It's where I think they must have coined the term "tears of joy" from. 

Usually the 2nd go round is better as in my experience, a guys first one is always a lil less easier for them to control. 
I think its about angles for me penetratively, I need it from behind & kinda hittin to the left & upwards coupled with a constant to get er did.

I don't also mind the young ones, they are eager to learn, are quicker to recover and take instruction without gettin all butt hurt unlike the the older wannabe cassanovas with monitor tans from all their eskimotube experience.


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## olwen (Mar 13, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> I think this definitely plays a role for me.. I've had more than one person imply (or outright say) that something _must_ be wrong with me or that _I'm_ doing something wrong and thats why I can't finish. I think it has a lot to do with their own insecurities regarding their abilities. I always just remind them that I can get myself to orgasm in less than 30 seconds, so I don't think my clit is exactly malfunctioning. A lot of partners don't take the time to get to know the person.. and although I've really tried to teach people to do it the "right way" (for my own body, that is) it hasn't seemed to help. The guy I most recently dated (as in, we broke up like 20 hours ago :/) did really put in a lot of effort.. and subsequently, I was muchmuuuch closer with him than anyone else (with the exception of the one person who was able to get me off.) Anyway, I think this has given me a complex about it. I feel uncomfortably pressured to finish and I have some insecurities about not being able to or taking too long to so it just hasn't happened (except that once.) The other reason I think it's a mental thing is because the one and only time I had an orgasm from someone else I was reallllly really high. I think it helped relax me enough to get to that point. Here's hoping it happens eventually though! I think I just need to be with the right person, in the right situation.



I think you shouldn't worry about it. Just give it time I guess. As you get older your body changes and then one day, Bam!

I had honestly thought I was incapable of having vaj orgasms and even back then I had to guide my partners a bit so that I'd get what I needed, but sometimes orgasms just didn't happen, and that's okay I think. The first guy to give me a really great orgasm...It was purely physical between us, so there was physical chemistry, but not necessarily emotional chemistry. I think he just took his time and made sure I was enjoying myself. He didn't make it all about his O, and he knew how to navigate a fat woman's body since he was an FA. After him I realized I liked that level of comfort way more than whatever I was experiencing with all the guys before him. I wonder if all that belly frottage and such before hand as foreplay had something to do with it cause no guy had ever touched me like that before and I discovered I liked it.

Anyway, all women are different, and we shouldn't feel pressured to have something that our culture says we should or feel inadequate if we don't. I say if it happens it happens and if it doesn't, it doesn't. Enjoy the ride.


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## mossystate (Mar 14, 2011)

Any man who implies, or says outright, that there is something wrong with you...run. He is not worth any of your time, let alone worth having access to your body in any way. Run.

Women are so beaten up about not having the ' right ' kind of orgasms...not having multiple orgasms...having too many orgasms.

Don't keep score. Do not compare. As for the whole G-spot thing...it is suggested that not every woman has one and that it doesn't work the same for every woman who does have one. Not all women enjoy having the area stimulated...it can be uncomfortable for some...etc..etc.. I think that there has been so much fretting surrounding the issue, because, instead of it being just another fun thing to explore, it has been hit with really damaging dialogue about " real " orgasms from " real " sex. 

It's supposed to be fun, people.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 17, 2011)

Thanks for all the advice and comments and everything! I think I just need to find the right person.


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## goofy girl (Mar 17, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> Thanks for all the advice and comments and everything! I think I just need to find the right person.



Amen sister.


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## KittyKitten (Mar 17, 2011)

DeerVictory said:


> I probably would have been around 9 or 10 when I started masturbating, but I don't remember my first orgasm. In my house, we have a jacuzzi with jets and I used to position myself so the water would hit my clitoris. I used to read my mother's victorian smut that she hid in her drawers while I did it, but I don't remember the specific time that I had my first orgasm. I remember breaking my hymen though, because it was before I got my period officially and I was really confused by it.
> 
> My first orgasm with the help of another person was in an airport when I was 17.




I know I started masturbating at age 9. I would put a pillow on top of a chair, straddle it, and rub my clit until I orgasmed. I would do this watching the spice channel when you could still see people having sex between those squiggly horizontal lines.


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## AmazingAmy (Mar 25, 2011)

The first time I orgasmed, I was quite young. I can't remember how young exactly, but young enough that I was rather confused watching a late-night show called Cathouse (sneakily, my parents were in bed), about the bunny ranch in America. I saw the women on there masturbating (clitoral), and wondering what the big deal was, tried the same action on myself... I mimicked them, so was a little rough on myself, but eventually orgasmed... it was the most intense one I've ever had.

It also scared the hell out of me, and I didn't try again for weeks.


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## Mishty (Mar 25, 2011)

My Mama had a claw foot tub when I was around 8 or 9, and I would try to sit on the edge like I did with my tub, but the lip was to narrow so when I decided to straddle the thing I got a jolt of crazy sensation, and started rubbing back in forth along the tub, within a few seconds I had an orgasm. I remember I was in shock, but in a good way, I couldn't wait to take a bath in my Mama's bathroom again the next night, and for weeks afterward I refused to use my own tub. I was only 10 when I was sneaking Harlequin romance novels and reading undercover, and having orgasm after orgasm till I fell asleep.


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## penguin (Mar 25, 2011)

I know it's not the intent of the thread, but it makes me a bit sad and jealous. It's never been easy for me, and has become harder over the years due to trust issues...and finding someone who doesn't get frustrated with that is next to impossible.


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## CastingPearls (Mar 25, 2011)

penguin said:


> I know it's not the intent of the thread, but it makes me a bit sad and jealous. It's never been easy for me, and has become harder over the years due to trust issues...and finding someone who doesn't get frustrated with that is next to impossible.


I know it's never been easy for you but is it easier for you to have one on your own masturbating? Was it always like that?

I know the worst joykill for me is an impatient lover. As unbelievably easy as it is for me to orgasm, that alone is probably the only thing that will prevent me from having one.


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## penguin (Mar 25, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> I know it's never been easy for you but is it easier for you to have one on your own masturbating? Was it always like that?
> 
> I know the worst joykill for me is an impatient lover. As unbelievably easy as it is for me to orgasm, that alone is probably the only thing that will prevent me from having one.



No  I think I'm almost afraid of it. It's about being vulnerable, letting go and trusting. I get to Almost There just fine, but it's like I run into a brick wall that I can't get around. It got really difficult when I was with my ex (because of shit he pulled that I won't go into), and well, it's been about ten years of only getting to Almost. I still love sex, I still love _trying_, but sometimes it feels like I've almost been conditioned to not try with a partner. I don't need someone getting frustrated or disappointed with me if I can't, or being put out if I get upset about it. And I find it really hard to talk about (writing about it here is incredibly hard), because, well, it makes me feel like a failure as a woman. Which is ridiculous, I know. But, it does. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I'm trying to work through it myself, but it's just so hard.


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## SSBBW Katerina (Mar 26, 2011)

CaitiDee said:


> I searched and didn't find a similar thread, so I'm starting this one. Correct me if I'm wrong and there's really one out there.
> 
> This is kind of a personal topic, but I wanted to share and start a discussion about this.
> 
> ...




Ok, the 1st orgasm I had I received from an older woman I had a tremendous crush on and I eventually confessed to her after school one September afternoon in '87. Yes, she was a teacher at another school I sometimes attended for advanced courses. I was aware of the risk & the firestorm that could come from it if it got out. She could lose everything & g0d only knows what my parents would've done to/ with me. But I only wanted to confess to her, never expecting or wanting anything from her. I'd had the feeling for well over a year. She had a stern expression and pulled me to the side in one of the vacant classrooms. She lectured me as she sat me down and she towered over me [She was leggy & had sandy blonde short hair. 6'1" without heels. She wore stilettos every day to school!]. I was ashamed and on the verge of tears as she continued, getting in my face, "This is between you, me and that dusty chalk board!". I said, "yes, ma'am" and I was about to get up and she gently pushed me back onto the stool. She kissed me. A full on lip kiss! I was about to freak out my mind was racing fearing another teacher or the custodian would discover us. She slipped me the tongue and caressed me 'E' cup breasts; much much larger than her 'Fiji apple' tits. My arms were at my sides still and unflinching. I was in shock, but my nipples hardened and I know my clit swelled. I could kinda feel something going on because I felt breathless, flustered and hot.

She slowly pulled away and whispered a question in my ear, "What size bra do you wear?"
I always tore off the itchy tags but guessed an 'E' cup. She squeezed both and moaned quietly. slid her hands under my blouse _and_ my bra cups until I felt her peach painted nails tweaking my nips as she stared at me, searching my eyes for pleasurable reactions to her touch. I gripped the stool w/ both hands as though I'd fall off. I just recall breathing hard and trying to suppress and sound. But she had me. I honestly believe I came once she boldly guided my nipple to her mouth.:eat2: I lost it. That was the first orgasm I ever had.:bow:

I think she got off on many things abt me. We negotiated times we'd meet, where, what time. I'd go to her home on weekends. She was one of the longest relationships I ever had. We mutually ended it when I was 19. We had double jeopardy because she was steadily dating a male teacher at my school. Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!!!:doh: He never found out. By the time I turned 20 she moved out of state. Got a better paying gig as a professor. I was genuinely happy for her. She was brilliant.



Now I'm gonna put it in the way 'Sophia' on the Golden Girls would state it [LOL]. This is the 1st time I ever had an orgasm whilst getting myself off.

Picture it, me in 1987 winter/ Christmas break. Its late in the afternoon a full figured, undateable, female adolescent is lying on her hideous Crayola pale green painted bed and fumbling under her botched *D+* pillows that she made in home ec. class, which she hates. Her ill fitting one-size-doesn't-fit-all, Frankie Says RELAX tee shirt rolls upward around her, um, rolls. She searches under her pillows for small, naughty, digest sized magazines that she shoplifted from a strip mall magazine shop by hiding them in issues of Seventeen, Vogue and Elle; praying she wouldn't get busted if they slid out. Inside all of the smut, the pics and text are in black and white and gray, and adverts promoting subscription details, Spanish Fly, and penis pumps are sprinkled throughout.

Her horny-mones are inflamed and she's had a curiosity about sex and porn since she saw a skin flick at a friend's house while their folks were out of town. Before repositioning herself on her daisy patterned sheets and mountain of throw pillows and vulnerable stuffed animals, she pushes her desk against her flimsy wooden bedroom door since there isn't a decent lock on it. Leaving the light on so she can read the fantasies/ lies with gusto from glossy photo cover to glossy photo end cover. Her philosophy is, "I'm not gonna be getting any, so I may as well read about and look at people that are."

She finally climbs up on her bed, reaches across to her vanity to turn on the turntable and places the needle onto her WHAM!- "Make It Big" LP, opens her porno rag 'Variations' to where she left off from that morning, and deftly reaches 'back and to the left' of her side for her huge, white, stuffed bunny rabbit- Flopsy- carefully placing it between her thighs.

Clearly this rabbit won't die, but he's gonna get what's coming to it. Glenn Close wasn't as brutal in Fatal Attraction. But nothing is going to come between a plump, closeted bi, 18 year old girl with a 'liberated' trashy magazine, a stuffed bunny, and dual pierced boys crooning on her hi-fi, from reaching 'Shangri La' on her own. And yeah, fantasizing about my teacher/ lover helped too.

Katerina


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## Tau (Mar 27, 2011)

Ok. I LOVE this thread  

I think too often too much of a critical eye is turned on female orgasms. Reminds me of the way people always want to do tests on women who squirt, take the liquid into labs and 'make sure' it isn't urine. WTF??!!! If the woman enjoyed it what's the obsession with questioning the experience??

There are many kinds of pleasure and I just think it's really important for us as women to realise that there isn't some kind of elusive standard of orgasm that we all have to live up to or else retire our disobedient coochies forever branded as frigid and unresponsive. There are so many different kinds of orgasms - and the biggest for me have always happened in my head first. As Mossy said - it really is meant to be fun not a stressed out work out or race or experiment.

We were having a discussion in class about orgasms and then did a reading on female genital mutilation. And from this reading one of girls in my class said that her mom had been mutilated as a little girl and, as a result, couldn't have clitoral orgasms at all - in fact the way the woman related to her vagina for a very, very long time was with thoughts of that area as being a place of trauma and torture and dirt. When this young woman left her home in Somalia and moved to Canada she started exploring her body and had her first orgasm. She then met and married a man she loved and respected and found that she could orgasm with him too. None of us can know what the pleasure she felt and still feels was like because physically most of us cannot relate and yet _she feels pleasure and she owns that pleasure._ And I think the best thing about pleasure, no matter what sort or intensity, is that in those moments you feel it you own it because you define it and nobody has the right to take it, compare it and rate it against some mythical ideal often defined by men who make porn movies .


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## *Ravenous* (Mar 27, 2011)

My first orgasm happened when I was 12 my mom would fall asleep with the tv on and the channel she would watch after a certain hour it would change to porn. Every night I would sneak in her room, watch a few minutes and return back to my room. I had this big smiley face pen that I would use as a "makeshift penis" and begin to just play with myself. I would do it up until I got this sensation as if I had to pee but I thought something was wrong so I would just stop. One night I finally just allowed the sensation to continue and it really blew my mind. 

It's kind of crazy because I lost my virginity when I was 14 and thinking back I never had any orgasms with my boyfriend at the time not until later when I was with my 2nd boyfriend that I had orgasms just about everytime. I really think the key to having a orgasm is all in the mind. Yes the physical aspect of getting off is just as important but if your mind isn't in tune with your body chances are you won't get to really experience a honest orgasm.:eat2:


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## NancyGirl74 (Mar 27, 2011)

Honestly, I don't remember my first orgasm. I know I began "playing" when I was very young. I didn't know what it was I was doing at the time. I just knew that it felt good. Like many girls, I also had a best friend/experimenting partner. I don't think those experiments brought any release but it was thrilling...being "bad" at it's most secretive and exciting. I very likely deflowered myself but I won't say how lol. My first real sexual partner didn't come along until very late compared to most. He was the first of many things but I have still never had an orgasm through tab-A-in-slot-B type intercourse. I feel like I might be missing out. Other ways are lovely but it would be nice to experience it just once.


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## rl4698 (Mar 30, 2011)

I have been having sex for years with several partners and had never once even came close to orgasm. It was the past August that I begin an intimate relationship with a guy who was 19 at the time I am 29. He was the sweetest lover I had ever had, he touched me and showered with me as if it was novel sex and he was the first man who ever made me orgasm, but I became pregnant and he left but I cant be mad at him cause gosh that boy made me into a women. Before him I had never even taken off my top during sex, I was ashamed but with him he undressed me and made me feel alive.


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## paintsplotch (Apr 1, 2011)

CaitiDee said:


> Also, I'm curious if any of you were late bloomers too? They say a lot of times, women can't come because they're not fully relaxed and comfortable. I was far more comfortable in my own skin than all of my female friends, skinny or fat, and yet they were all having orgasms. So I never really understood what the deal was. Still don't really. But I wonder if my weight ever had anything to do with it.



i waited ....and waited....... and waited...... till i was 29 1/2......... and then had my first bf/kiss/sexual encounter........ but no vowell.
for me i was a late bloomer. but once that switch was turned on....  
mostly because i want more than FWB, i end up taking care of business by myself. sigh... why dont men stick around?


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## paintsplotch (Apr 1, 2011)

thatgirl08 said:


> I've never orgasmed during sex. I've only orgasmed from someone else twice in my life.. I have a little bit of a complex about it. My boyfriend & I are working on it though, hah.



wow.... me too...... i thought i was just weird or sumthing. i often wonder if somehow i am just incapable? very few men though are willing to even TRY to help me out .... i generally have to do it myself.


as for when i first started experimenting..... hmmm.... i was about 13 ish. i didnt have many friends at all and was a bit of a loner..... but one night, while my sister slept in the bed next to me.... i explored and .. well lookie there...... that felt good...... :blush:


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## littlefairywren (Apr 1, 2011)

I was a late bloomer too, and had my first orgasm when I was 19. The first time would have happened sooner, except I was totally overwhelmed by the build up, that I was convinced I was going to pass out or have a heart attack. So I would just stop the proceedings before the point of no return, for fear of my demise being in an interesting position lol. That happened three times before I just let go.


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## CaitiDee (Apr 2, 2011)

I remember a few years ago, a friend of a friend had her first orgasm at around 23 and she used a vibrator that looked like a carrot and tried to explain to me what she did. It didn't help, but she was kind of nervous talking about those personal details. I figured I'd share what got me there in case any of you ladies who haven't yet are curious! (Or even those who already have.  )

(Side note: The chick referenced above used to be an INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS fuller figured bombshell. She had long blonde hair, perfect boobs, perfect ass. Perfect everything. And then she had WLS. To each his own... I get it. I watch Biggest Loser religiously because I love watching people attain their goals through hard work. But man. We lost a hottie.)

Okay, on to the vibrator! I originally used a wireless bullet, but the batteries in that thing die WAY too quickly so I purchased one with an attachment that holds 2 AA batteries that last longer. See picture. From there, (for me) its just about finding that one perfect spot on the clitoris. (Mine is on the left side... Or at least the only spot I've found is.) I'm in a half sitting, half laying position, resting my weight on pillows against the wall and I use my left hand. I personally have to watch porn (usually of a guy going down on a girl - go figure since I've never had any mind blowing cunnilingus). And there she blows! 

Also, I use KY Intense every time. I've never tried it without because I'm scared I won't orgasm and then I'll be frustrated. So I stick with it for now. But I raved about it to two friends who orgasm just fine and when they tried it, they said it did nothing for them. Maybe for the ladies who struggle, this would be a good idea. Its only $5 or so on amazon.com. ($30 in stores! Who pays $30 for that shit?!)

So all in all, what I'm trying to say is that its worth it to keep trying. Find what feels good and do that. I gave up SO OFTEN because I was frustrated that I wasn't getting the results I wanted. But I was trying things I thought were supposed to work - like sticking giant dildos inside me. No thank you. That's just not what does it for me. I say focus on the clit and make sure you're horny first. 

Okay that's all I got for now. I probably just shared way too much personal info on the interwebz, but I hope it'll help somebody.  

View attachment SE1118-10.jpg


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## sassysteph (Apr 2, 2011)

My first was by myself, and I have NO idea how old I was (def less than 12). My first with help came when I was 16. I was banging this dude in the back of his car... I was kinda bored and had been letting my mind wander. Well, as luck would have it, I was hungry and started thinking about some cheesecake that I knew was in my grandma's frig. All of a sudden, BAM! I was so shocked that I blurted out "wow! that's never happened b4!" Of course the dude took the credit thinking that it was him... but I knew it was the cheesecake. Since then, I can pretty much have the big O anytime I want with VERY little effort... I just have to think about dessert!


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## fluffyandcute (Apr 3, 2011)

First of all I would like to say I love reading all the posts 
My first orgasm was with my first "LOVE" lol through oral sex. I was 15 years old. I thought it was the greatest feeling in the world! I didn't have an orgasm on my on until I was probably 17 or 18. I remember I was sitting in the bathtub and used alot of soap LMAO!! It took a long time but I got there


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## CastingPearls (Apr 3, 2011)

CaitiDee said:


> /snip/
> 
> Okay, on to the vibrator! I originally used a wireless bullet, but the batteries in that thing die WAY too quickly so I purchased one with an attachment that holds 2 AA batteries that last longer. See picture. From there, (for me) its just about finding that one perfect spot on the clitoris. (Mine is on the left side... Or at least the only spot I've found is.) I'm in a half sitting, half laying position, resting my weight on pillows against the wall and I use my left hand. I personally have to watch porn (usually of a guy going down on a girl - go figure since I've never had any mind blowing cunnilingus). And there she blows!
> 
> ...



Yes yes yes to bullets--of all my toys (and I'm building an impressive collection) bullets are my faves. (I favor the right side--funny that, huh?) Love porn but it's not a must but I do get what you mean. Also, KY's Intense works! I was shocked, but yeah. I won't use it all the time, like I won't use toys because I honestly don't want desensitization to become an issue but they're both fun and I recommend them highly.


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## CaitiDee (Apr 3, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> I won't use it all the time, like I won't use toys because I honestly don't want desensitization to become an issue...



I do worry about this.


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## penguin (Apr 3, 2011)

I thought I'd see if that KY Intense was available here, but it seems like it's not. I checked on Amazon, and they wanted to charge $50 for shipping.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Apr 3, 2011)

CaitiDee said:


> I do worry about this.



Vibrator desensitization is an urban legend. 

http://www.vibrators.com/vibrator-myths.html
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/3757.html
http://www.health.arizona.edu/health_topics/sexual_health/sextalk/2007/sextalk.04.09.07.pdf

It's amazing just how many myths there are out there whose sole purpose seems to be to keep women from enjoying themselves without a man around... hmmm.


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## CastingPearls (Apr 4, 2011)

YAY! Myth dispelled. Keep on vibing then!


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## olwen (Apr 4, 2011)

That myth is totally a myth. I've been using vibes for a long long time and I've never had an issue. I think just the opposite has happened. I'm more sensitive I think.


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## paintsplotch (Apr 4, 2011)

i am NOT giving up my vibes ... no no nonononononononoooo!
what else am i supposed to do with all my free time?


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## bonified (Apr 4, 2011)

ladies, my sister has been raving about this fandangled looking lil thing. 

http://we-vibe.com/ 

I am rather curious, can use it whilst getting served too, lordy me.

When i get back from easter holidays, i will look into purchasing myself a new friend for winter this may just be it.


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## CastingPearls (Apr 4, 2011)

bonified said:


> ladies, my sister has been raving about this fandangled looking lil thing.
> 
> http://we-vibe.com/
> 
> ...


I have it. Not impressed but YMMV. It depends on a couple of things--like lets just hypothetically say anatomically your clitoris or your g-spot sits up a little higher than the design allows, ORRRRRR you need stronger stimulation. This product is quite flexible and has I think seven settings but its power and reach just didn't impress me. Thankfully, I got it on Amazon for half the price they were asking for on all the other sites but I'm much happier with my $5 bullets. 

Hell, even my Hello Kitty vibe does the job better and is cuter when I'm near the mirror. The little bow on her head is strategically placed.


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## Tau (Apr 5, 2011)

Had a very interesting conversation about orgasms with a lesbian friend and she said that she no longer sleeps with straight women because too often they simply do not 'negotiate' sex. She said in her experience most straight women are very passive about their pleasure, less vocal than her lesbian lovers have been and all of them, overwhelmingly, have never actually asked for what they wanted - or even seemed to know what to ask for. I was a little shocked at first but then I thought about all the women I know and their stories of their sexual encounters and how few of them ever even have sex for their own pleasure. That shook me - hard. I think we should have an orgasm week or something where we talk about our orgasms, what gets us there and just our journeys to orgasm. And this shouldn't be about men - it should be about us, educating ourselves and each other about our own bodies and our own pleasure. Orgasms are a big deal for me  I'm sure you can tell. I just want to see women everywhere - straight and gay - moving to a place where our pleasure is important and where girl children know that they have a right to this pleasure, a right to give it to themselves and a right to expect and ask it from a partner.


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## olwen (Apr 5, 2011)

Tau said:


> Had a very interesting conversation about orgasms with a lesbian friend and she said that she no longer sleeps with straight women because too often they simply do not 'negotiate' sex. She said in her experience most straight women are very passive about their pleasure, less vocal than her lesbian lovers have been and all of them, overwhelmingly, have never actually asked for what they wanted - or even seemed to know what to ask for. I was a little shocked at first but then I thought about all the women I know and their stories of their sexual encounters and how few of them ever even have sex for their own pleasure. That shook me - hard. I think we should have an orgasm week or something where we talk about our orgasms, what gets us there and just our journeys to orgasm. And this shouldn't be about men - it should be about us, educating ourselves and each other about our own bodies and our own pleasure. Orgasms are a big deal for me  I'm sure you can tell. I just want to see women everywhere - straight and gay - moving to a place where our pleasure is important and where girl children know that they have a right to this pleasure, a right to give it to themselves and a right to expect and ask it from a partner.



Totally, agreed, and there are probably fat women who especially don't think they have a right to ask for what they want because of their size out of fear the guy would leave. If they only knew just how much sexual power they hold over their men! 

Maybe you could start a FB page about it or a blog and ask women to tell their stories. That might be a good start.


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## paintsplotch (Apr 6, 2011)

Tau said:


> Had a very interesting conversation about orgasms with a lesbian friend and she said that she no longer sleeps with straight women because too often they simply do not 'negotiate' sex. She said in her experience most straight women are very passive about their pleasure, less vocal than her lesbian lovers have been and all of them, overwhelmingly, have never actually asked for what they wanted - or even seemed to know what to ask for. I was a little shocked at first but then I thought about all the women I know and their stories of their sexual encounters and how few of them ever even have sex for their own pleasure. That shook me - hard. I think we should have an orgasm week or something where we talk about our orgasms, what gets us there and just our journeys to orgasm. And this shouldn't be about men - it should be about us, educating ourselves and each other about our own bodies and our own pleasure. Orgasms are a big deal for me  I'm sure you can tell. I just want to see women everywhere - straight and gay - moving to a place where our pleasure is important and where girl children know that they have a right to this pleasure, a right to give it to themselves and a right to expect and ask it from a partner.





that is awesome..... i like the way you think.... and write..... i totally agreeeeeeeeeee


:bow:


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## seavixen (May 4, 2011)

Tau said:


> She said in her experience most straight women are very passive about their pleasure, less vocal than her lesbian lovers have been and all of them, overwhelmingly, have never actually asked for what they wanted - or even seemed to know what to ask for. I was a little shocked at first but then I thought about all the women I know and their stories of their sexual encounters and how few of them ever even have sex for their own pleasure. That shook me - hard.



This is so true. I'm not sure what exactly changes that - confidence? Being comfortable with your partner? Just flat out knowing what you want? I remember feeling like sex was an acceptance tool. If someone wanted to have sex with me, they were accepting me. (Great self esteem, right? Pshaw.) I wonder if other women feel that way, too, and it's a barrier to really enjoying it and achieving orgasm.

I don't have that issue anymore - haven't for years - and I really do think that the confidence, the ability to just go totally wild and enjoy every second of it, is what makes an amazing orgasm happen. It also thrills your partner, drives them crazy, which in turn makes it better for YOU, and... yeah.

It's too easy for women to just sort of lay there and expect to be "made" to climax. Then you think of the dishes or feeding the cat or something and there's no way in hell it's going to happen. (Unless you have a very talented and passionate partner who can take your mind off everything else... which helps all around.) But it's as much up to us as it is to whoever we're sleeping with. Sometimes just getting excited and into it is enough to build the necessary tension.

(Tension is so hugely important to me. I don't care about candles and music; sexual tension is the key.)

Sounds and vocalizations in general help. Uh, but that's just me.


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## Pitch (May 10, 2011)

CaitiDee said:


> But anywho, I'm curious what your experience was. How old were you? Were you alone? Did you use any toys? Any advice for a newcomer? (Did ya catch that? I'm so punny.)



You aren't alone in being late to the O-game or experiencing it solo! I'm 27, but I had my first when I was 21 or so. And I'd had sex with both genders and toys since 16. So, it took quite a while. But I used one of those hooked G-spot vibrators alone in the dark one night and -voila! It was kind of mind blowing.

My advice would be to keep on keeping on. Try a few different ways to do it and the more you masturbate, the easier (apparently) it is to achieve it with a partner involved.

As for straight women not being vocal or too passive? So far that's been true for me, too. I've slept with a few straight girls and they played the "Dead fish" game. Not very engaging. But that's not me saying all straight women are like that. (Or hoping, rather?) In their defense heterosexuality has a lot of females (at least the ones I know. And no, not -every- straight female. Don't kill me, I'm just a lowly bisexual!)assuming they're supposed to lay on their backs and take whatevers' happening to them. (Which sounds like it SUCKS)

I blame McCarthyism. Ba-dum-tish.


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## Amatrix (May 11, 2011)

I was 14 and I thought I was having a heart attack. I was just touching myself and had no idea why it felt so good... then all of the sudden it felt really great, and BOOM...stars/rockets/rainbows/glitter. I was alone.

I did not do it again until I was 16, with my then boyfriend... then some lovers have and some have not. I don't hold it against them if they just cant get it right for me, I can do me better then anyone I know anyways. 

I never did use toys until I was older- like 21... Now I own a few different toys.
Each have a purpose and reason behind them- g spot finder for nights when I have time to really enjoy myself... mini vibe for when I am in a hurry and just need stress relief... ect.

I do suggest you find a safe, warm, dim lit place. Semi quiet, and free of distractions. Take your time... get to know what you like. Pay attention to your breathing... and read about it. I thought I was a cursed female with no gspot... until like 2 weeks ago. 

Now that... is a hobby.


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## Kamily (May 11, 2011)

Pitch said:


> As for straight women not being vocal or too passive? So far that's been true for me, too. I've slept with a few straight girls and they played the "Dead fish" game. Not very engaging. But that's not me saying all straight women are like that. (Or hoping, rather?) In their defense heterosexuality has a lot of females (at least the ones I know. And no, not -every- straight female. Don't kill me, I'm just a lowly bisexual!)assuming they're supposed to lay on their backs and take whatevers' happening to them. (Which sounds like it SUCKS)




Not this woman!! That sounds boring. Apparently their partner didnt know what he was doing. 




I was 16 a the time and yep I was alone. It was a couple years later before I had one with a partner.


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## BigBodyChevy (May 14, 2011)

I think I was about eight years old when I had my first orgasm. I used to hump my cabbage patch doll. Back then, I was very sexually aware even though I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21. I used to watch my dad's pornos when he went to work. He thought he was slick because he would leave all of the VHS's at certain parts, so I would pop one in the VCR, rewind it to the beginning, watch it to the end and then rewind it to the certain time number it was originally on. lol


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## Jello404 (May 15, 2011)

I think I was around 12 or 13.What can I say Im an early bloomer lol By that time I fully discovered porn and watched it regularly. Unfortunately it was in the days of PPV so I used to get in_ SOOO MUCH TROUBLE_ for charging $9.99+ to our cable bill a few times a month....So I remember this one flick I was watching had a woman who was playing with herself while watching other people have sex,it was strangely fascinating to me.I didnt understand why she found touching herself pleasurable. I didnt understand why she was watching group sex either.So I imitated her because she really looked like she was enjoying herself and eventually BAM! Its funny... I always knew what they were-I just never had one so when I did I remember the first thing I said was "omg I think I just had my first orgasm!" and they were the first of many.I was so proud of myself lmfao


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## phatpanther18 (Jun 6, 2011)

my first DIY was as young as 6 . i can just remember touching myself down there a lot and feeling really good, while not knowing what i was feeling . i can remember my parents hiting me and telling me to stop they called it the "nasty thing" lol.Orgasim to me was like candy so i really couldn't stop , so i learned later in life not to do it around anyone lol. i also did alot of sexual things when i was younger not even knowing what sex was! . it wasn't until i got my first computer (i was 15 or 16) that wikied it and found out that "feeling good" was Orgasming and other sexual stuff fyi i was never ever taught about sex growing up. my story about my young adventures in to sex is crazy and i can go on. thanks wiki


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