# Double Standard



## Ry&#333;ri (Aug 12, 2007)

The other day I went to to the water park and I spotted this really nice girl. She and a very nice pear shapped body and I decided to talk to her, maybe get her number or something. Well, a few minutes in the conversation I asked if I could get her number and she told me she doesn't like fat guys. I was kinda stunned when I heard that, she herself wasn't a small girl by any means and she is saying she doesn't like fat guys. I've never liked double standards like that but I wanted to hear your thoughts on events like this.


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## SamanthaNY (Aug 12, 2007)

I'm sorry, but how is that a double-standard? 

Just because she's fat... that means that also has to be her preference in a partner? 

By that logic, _all _FAs would have to be fat. That just doesn't make sense.


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## ashmamma84 (Aug 12, 2007)

I guess I want to ask the same question as Sam....I'm fat, but I don't generally go for fat women. 

So, she doesn't dig fat guys...find another chick that does.


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## Ruby Ripples (Aug 12, 2007)

I get fed up hearing this stuff. There are people who are FAs and there are those who are not. Most people are not FAs, most BBWs are not FAs. WHY the heck is it a "double standard" to be fat, but to prefer a slim partner? Would it be okay though if she had dieted and got slim, then said it to you. Think about what you posted. If a slim FFA chatted you up and told you she wasn't into slim guys, would you accuse her of double standards? I bet it wouldn't even enter your head.


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## Daknee (Aug 12, 2007)

ashmamma84 said:


> I guess I want to ask the same question as Sam....I'm fat, but I don't generally go for fat women.
> 
> So, she doesn't dig fat guys...find another chick that does.



I like your attitude, just move on.  I must say for her to blaytantly say she didn't like fat guys was incensetive and rude on her part. We all know we live in a society where fat is not accepted. By her saying that as the reason for not giving her phone number, well she was just being a bitch. There are many ways for either sex to turn another down if there is no attraction.


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## SamanthaNY (Aug 12, 2007)

Daknee said:


> I must say for her to blaytantly say she didn't like fat guys was incensetive and rude on her part. We all know we live in a society where fat is not accepted. By her saying that as the reason for not giving her phone number, well she was just being a bitch. There are many ways for either sex to turn another down if there is no attraction.


You don't know how she said it, and refusing someone's advances isn't necessarily rude or insensitive. She may very well have said "Thanks for the interest, but I prefer a smaller body type". There's nothing wrong with that. 

But your calling her a bitch. _That's_ rude.


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## William (Aug 12, 2007)

Hi Ruby

I generally leave these kind of questions alone unless someone asks a question or makes a point.

William




Ruby Ripples said:


> I get fed up hearing this stuff. There are people who are FAs and there are those who are not. Most people are not FAs, most BBWs are not FAs. WHY the heck is it a "double standard" to be fat, but to prefer a slim partner? Would it be okay though if she had dieted and got slim, then said it to you. Think about what you posted. If a slim FFA chatted you up and told you she wasn't into slim guys, would you accuse her of double standards? I bet it wouldn't even enter your head.


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## BlondeAmbition (Aug 12, 2007)

I agree with SamanthaNY on this one. How is that a double-standard? 

Reguardless though, what I'm the _most_ confused about is how some chic could even _say_ that to another individual! That's just plain effin' RUDE! 

Ryori, you're better off!


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## Daknee (Aug 12, 2007)

SamanthaNY said:


> You don't know how she said it, and refusing someone's advances isn't necessarily rude or insensitive. She may very well have said "Thanks for the interest, but I prefer a smaller body type". There's nothing wrong with that.
> 
> But your calling her a bitch. _That's_ rude.



You are right about refusing someone's advances. It is not rude or insensititvie to refuse. All I meant, is there is a respectful way and a bitchy way. If it was as blaytant as Ryori posted, it as bitchy. It's not easy for men to ask women out. You may be in the minority of women who ask men out, if you are you should know rejection is not easy and would know how you yourself would want to be rejected.


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## Tooz (Aug 12, 2007)

Ry&#333;ri;525860 said:


> she herself wasn't a small girl by any means and she is saying she doesn't like fat guys. I've never liked double standards like that but I wanted to hear your thoughts on events like this.



Well, Mr. Cuisine, there are tons of guys who refuse to date fat women, them being fat themselves. Honestly, I've never been keen on this whole refusing to date people from a group of certain physical characteristics. However, if loads of guys (fat or not) can refuse fat women, then fat women can refuse fat guys.


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## Laina (Aug 12, 2007)

Daknee said:


> You are right about refusing someone's advances. It is not rude or insensititvie to refuse. All I meant, is there is a respectful way and a bitchy way. If it was as blaytant as Ryori posted, it as bitchy. It's not easy for men to ask women out. You may be in the minority of women who ask men out, if you are you should know rejection is not easy and would know how you yourself would want to be rejected.



Quite frankly, I'd rather an honest answer than a lie. If a guy's not attracted to me, I want to know the first time I make an advance, so I don't press the matter and look like a moron...and that's what the OP got: a straight answer.


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## PolarKat (Aug 12, 2007)

Ry&#333;ri;525860 said:


> I've never liked double standards like that but I wanted to hear your thoughts on events like this.


I'm not going to comment on the main subject since.. Depending on what you meant by "double standard".. if it was a fat person having to have a preference for a fat partner.. then that's not a double standard just prefernece. If you were refering to getting rejected with the line "I don't like fat guys".. then I agree.. but either way you have just tapped what is probably one if the ultimate taboos. 

Take a look at the other thread "curious observation" which brings up a simmilar point, yet you'll notice that no one from the main forum pops in to exclaim "because it's their ______ choice", rather it's being taken as a logical argument and people are discussing it rationally.
You haven't been reading long enough to notice when stuff like this pops up every now and then. You see, Ryori.. to the majority here you're *NOT* part of the "fat" group, so watch how you phrase things...


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## Laina (Aug 12, 2007)

PolarKat said:


> I'm not going to comment on the main subject since.. Depending on what you meant by "double standard".. if it was a fat person having to have a preference for a fat partner.. then that's not a double standard just prefernece. If you were refering to getting rejected with the line "I don't like fat guys".. then I agree.. but either way you have just tapped what is probably one if the ultimate taboos.
> 
> Take a look at the other thread "curious observation" which brings up a simmilar point, yet you'll notice that no one from the main forum pops in to exclaim "because it's their ______ choice", rather it's being taken as a logical argument and people are discussing it rationally.
> You haven't been reading long enough to notice when stuff like this pops up every now and then. You see, Ryori.. to the majority here you're *NOT* part of the "fat" group, so watch how you phrase things...




Wait, wait. Quick, let me ask you to clarify: you're saying that fat women demand that everyone adore them, while fat men get shafted? Because that's what I read...and I'd hate to start a debate based on a misunderstanding.


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## Obesus (Aug 12, 2007)

Quoth the Book of the Law, Liber Al Legis: "Every man and every woman is a Star." Each individual is a unique spirit with unique preferences, perspectives and approaches to life. Assuming anything about anyone until you actually get to a point of understanding with their unique spirit is playing with fire. That is why the usual progression of acquaintance phase, friendship phase and then possibly, intimacy phase works so well. It requires patience and fortitude and I understand that entire generations raised on instantaneous vicarious fulfillment cannot endure anything beyond a five-minute delay, but that is the truth of the human condition...it takes time, patience and understanding with such complex and unique organisms as humans and the watchword is that asumptions breed poison and pain.


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## PolarKat (Aug 12, 2007)

Laina said:


> Wait, wait. Quick, let me ask you to clarify: you're saying that fat women demand that everyone adore them, while fat men get shafted? Because that's what I read...and I'd hate to start a debate based on a misunderstanding.


Misunderstanding.. I'm not sure where so I'll cover all the bases with most obvious first.. 

extreme example:
If I were at a water park and some fat women started a converation with me, then asked for my phone number and I replied with "I find fat women utterly vile", as you said, straight to the point and as most everyone else has pointed out.. such is my choice, and therefore I now await all those to rush in my defence of protecting my choice.. the double standard arises that I don't find myself "utterly vile" I see myself as just me.. the fat part is also part of me.::Sarcasm on:: As tooz so well pointed out they so loved being rejected by loads of guys for being fat.. same follows suit for us fat bastards out there ::Sarcasm off::
Now why would I drop decorum, and social politeness, and do onto others as I wouldn't want done to me.. Shouldn't I have just said "I'm so Sorry, you seem so sweet, but I'm.. getting married next week.. in a relationship.. don't live in this state.. etc..", Getting rejected because we're fat is really high up there on the list.. this applies for both BBW's and us fat bastards. So since I've never liked the idea of getting rejected for my weight, why would I want to do that to someone else.. even if BBW's arent' my preference. I as a fat person know better.. 
Now if you hunt back in time in the other forums, you'll notice a few posts where the women complained about getting rejected for being fat.. Yet I didn't see any of the fat guys jump in the tread and start rants on how it was the "guys choice" nor did I see any of the women do that either. Yet some Fat guy posts the comment here and.. voila.. the inverse effect occurs from what you find on the main board (could that be a double standard??).

I don't think that at anypoint "that fat women demand that everyone adore them, while fat men get shafted?" My opinion on the matter would be fat people get the shaft when it comes to dating over their thinner counterparts (the reasons require a whole other thread.. and i'm not bashing thin people either again needs another thread).. but that opinion doesn't ring true with the majoirty.. again if you look at the main board's history you'll come across how the "fat guy has it easier" ::sarcasm on:: they must.. since kevin james portays an idoit fat guy shkaking a hot chick on tv ::sarcasm off:: And again there I see no one jumping to the defence of the fat guy.. just William.. and he gets burned from it.. so he stopped doing it..

Now if he was saying that he felt the double standard was that the fat women should have to like a fat guy.. well.. I completely disagree.. what people find physically attractive is their business, and that is not a double standard.. yet again I would have stated it in that fasion.. without having to drop decorum..


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## PolarKat (Aug 12, 2007)

Obesus said:


> Quoth the Book of the Law, Liber Al Legis: "Every man and every woman is a Star." Each individual is a unique spirit with unique preferences, perspectives and approaches to life. Assuming anything about anyone until you actually get to a point of understanding with their unique spirit is playing with fire. That is why the usual progression of acquaintance phase, friendship phase and then possibly, intimacy phase works so well. It requires patience and fortitude and I understand that entire generations raised on instantaneous vicarious fulfillment cannot endure anything beyond a five-minute delay, but that is the truth of the human condition...it takes time, patience and understanding with such complex and unique organisms as humans and the watchword is that asumptions breed poison and pain.



An excellent example of maintaining intelligence, decorum, driving the point, and doing it with style


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## William (Aug 12, 2007)

This post has made me dizzy, I need some Tylenol 

William




PolarKat said:


> Misunderstanding.. I'm not sure where so I'll cover all the bases with most obvious first..
> 
> extreme example:
> If I were at a water park and some fat women started a converation with me, then asked for my phone number and I replied with "I find fat women utterly vile", as you said, straight to the point and as most everyone else
> ...


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## William (Aug 12, 2007)

Hi PolarKat 

After rereading your post I understand it, I think that I would prefer to be let down by the girl at the park. Most of my rejections have come from women who at the same time being friendly and a guy does not know where he stands. No matter how you are rejected it still hurts 

The grass will always look greener on the other side of the fence, but in any communication it is best to acknowledge the situation of the other person/group and find a win/win outcome. If one group (BBW or BHM) always receives the butt end of the outcome/conclusion then nothing but dissatisfaction is created and the debate continues.

Also comparing the BBW experience to the BHM is like comparing apples to oranges or Venus to Mars.

William




PolarKat said:


> Misunderstanding.. I'm not sure where so I'll cover all the bases with most obvious first..
> 
> extreme example:
> If I were at a water park and some fat women started a converation with me, then asked for my phone number and I replied with "I find fat women utterly vile", as you said, straight to the point and as most everyone else has pointed out.. such is my choice, and therefore I now await all those to rush in my defence of protecting my choice.. the double standard arises that I don't find myself "utterly vile" I see myself as just me.. the fat part is also part of me.::Sarcasm on:: As tooz so well pointed out they so loved being rejected by loads of guys for being fat.. same follows suit for us fat bastards out there ::Sarcasm off::
> ...


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## PolarKat (Aug 12, 2007)

A beer would have probably been better than the tylenol


William said:


> Hi PolarKat
> 
> After rereading your post I understand it, I think that I would prefer to be let down by the girl at the park. Most of my rejections have come from women who at the same time being friendly and a guy does not know where he stands. No matter how you are rejected it still hurts



I agree on the "be clear", but if you didn't like fat women..what rejection line would you use, the "I don't like fat women one", or the "don't find you attractive", both are perfectly clear at the point, yet both don't have the same impact/intent.



William said:


> The grass will always look greener on the other side of the fence, but in any communication it is best to acknowledge the situation of the other person/group and find a win/win outcome. If one group (BBW or BHM) always receives the butt end of the outcome/conclusion then nothing but dissatisfaction is created and the debate continues.
> Also comparing the BBW experience to the BHM is like comparing apples to oranges or Venus to Mars.
> William


Yes, in an ideal world.. err... forum.. but this thread is Deja-Vu a couple times..
we should make a taboo sticky for fat guys, so anyone who doesn't know, doesn't start a thread like this or any of the other taboo subjects again..
They never get talked about to resolution, the pattern just repeats. New guy posts one of the taboo topics, people who never post on this forum jump in with negativity to preach and not listen, new guy leaves in terror.. the others return to the main forum.. wait several months.. rinse and repeat..


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## Obesus (Aug 12, 2007)

I think that these situations can arouse a lot of unintegrated emotions and assumptions before anyone really has time to think about them. I understand that many young folks live in a very different world than I was born into but the eternal human verities cannot really be argued with! Our community, both in the BHM/FFA sense and in the wider fat acceptance sense, is still in process of integrating so many conflicting and emotional experiences that it will just take time and the effort of many patient individuals to create a sense of balance and perspective...but it will eventually come, since we have so many good people here! :bow: 



PolarKat said:


> An excellent example of maintaining intelligence, decorum, driving the point, and doing it with style


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## Obesus (Aug 12, 2007)

This board has so many new folks coming here that it is difficult for them to steer clear of the rehashed and argued-out points...it seems like we need a few new stickies up there...I am involved on a big one over on the Weight Board, but I would encourage anyone with the time and patience to look at common themes and to provide a basic "already been done" type FAQ! :bow: 




PolarKat said:


> A beer would have probably been better than the tylenol
> 
> 
> I agree on the "be clear", but if you didn't like fat women..what rejection line would you use, the "I don't like fat women one", or the "don't find you attractive", both are perfectly clear at the point, yet both don't have the same impact/intent.
> ...


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## Blackjack (Aug 12, 2007)

PolarKat said:


> New guy posts one of the taboo topics, people who never post on this forum jump in with negativity to preach and not listen, new guy leaves in terror.. the others return to the main forum.. wait several months.. rinse and repeat..



Yeah, us non-BHM-board-goers are a bunch of big bullies! 

Really, your point is one that's brought up a lot on the Weight Board, too, when people- who don't visit the board frequently- offer rational advice that someone else- who _is _ a frequent poster on that board- doesn't agree with.

It's not a matter of taboo, or bullying, or any of that. It's a matter of people having a point that you don't agree with.


To Ryori: Bummer that it happened, and perhaps she could've been more tactful- but it happened. She doesn't dig fat guys for whatever reason, and that's her deal. Ride on to greener pastures- there's plenty of 'em out there.


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## William (Aug 12, 2007)

Hi PolarKat

I did not mean that these conversations should not take place, but when one side is always the "loser" or drowned out in a objective discussion, then no one wins in the end.

Just as Fat People did not have a say in how society has judged us, BHMs are in a similar position within Fat Acceptance Community.

William




PolarKat said:


> A beer would have probably been better than the tylenol
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## AnnMarie (Aug 12, 2007)

PolarKat said:


> Now if he was saying that he felt the double standard was that the fat women should have to like a fat guy.. well.. I completely disagree.. what people find physically attractive is their business, and that is not a double standard.. yet again I would have stated it in that fasion.. without having to drop decorum..



That's exactly how most of us took his post - which is why he got the reactions he did from Sam, Ruby, etc. 

I agree with them... there is no double standard in being a fat_ person_ and not wanting a fat _partner_. This isn't a gender judgement, it's about people being free to pursue their own idea of attraction. Attraction is not dictated by the size looking back at you in the mirror, and to assume that it is is really narrow-minded. 

Look at all the skinny, lovely FFAs here who love large men! Are you saying that they shouldn't be looking outside their "kind"? I think they and the big guys who love them would find that pretty objectionable. But maybe it's ok when ANYONE likes a fat partner, but not ok when ANYONE does not?? That's BS.

I don't begrudge a man in this world for not finding me attractive, that's their right - just as it's mine to follow my own preferences. I don't want to date anyone who's not into me - so why would I care or be bothered? Like others said, there are more options, so you just cast out the line again and keep trying. 

If the information was delivered as described, she was rude. There's no excuse for that... you can reject someone in a respectful way, even being honest enough to say that their size isn't something appealing to you. It doesn't make them, or you, a bad person. It's just not the right fit.


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## Tori DeLuca (Aug 12, 2007)

Ry&#333;ri;525860 said:


> The other day I went to to the water park and I spotted this really nice girl. She and a very nice pear shapped body and I decided to talk to her, maybe get her number or something. Well, a few minutes in the conversation I asked if I could get her number and she told me she doesn't like fat guys. I was kinda stunned when I heard that, she herself wasn't a small girl by any means and she is saying she doesn't like fat guys. I've never liked double standards like that but I wanted to hear your thoughts on events like this.



What if she was gay and preferred fay women? Would THAT then be a double standard?


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## persimmon (Aug 12, 2007)

Tori DeLuca said:


> What if she was gay and preferred fay women? Would THAT then be a double standard?



That fat women don't necessarily like fat men is a point that has been made clearly and, IMO, excessively. This is beginning to look like a pile-on (of mostly main-board posters) on the new guy who made a dumb but honest mistake.

p


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## PolarKat (Aug 12, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> That's exactly how most of us took his post - which is why he got the reactions he did from Sam, Ruby, etc.


(don't take this as negatively directed to you in any way I'm just re-itterating my points excessivly )

I'm not opposed to them at all either... I completely agree.. I don't ever recall saying any different.. I differ in that I didn't run in foaming at the mouth, with a bigass bag of stones on my back, make an assumption then start tossing said stones.. here take a look..

"_she herself wasn't a small girl by any means and she is saying she doesn't like fat guys. I've never liked double standards like that_ "

This is what he said, now.. he used the pronoun "that" (not these), in reference to a compound sentence.. so the pronoun for the double standard line can be "_wasnt a small girl by any means_" or "_saying doesn't like fat guys_", or to pass the middle school exam the answer would be "fat girl saying she doesn't like fat guys"

So what is he actually saying? Is he saying that the double standard is 
her being fat and not liking a fat guy (the sentence above it goes against this, and the word saying also does) or is that the fat girl is calling him fat while rejecting him?
I don't know..the sentence isn't clear enough.. yet alot of people who completely ignore this forum on a regular basis..seem to be comming in and while I'm still typing this.. continue.. step right up.. keep tossing the stones.. I don't think your point has been driven in enough.. maybe we should start charging.. 
yet no-one bothers to ask "uhmmm.. could you please clarify your statement"

If you follow back the thread and see what I posted ,I took both assumptions, and dealt with them.. and then critisized that this "poping in to leave a negative comment" doesn't happen when a simmilar type sentiment is done on the main boards.. it just seems to me like some people are just bash happy.. 

but i'm just wasting my time.. people are always going to read what isn't there to suit their agenda, and piss on each other to get thier rocks off..
fat or skinny.. people are people and the ratio of shitheads and assholes stays the same..


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## rabbitislove (Aug 12, 2007)

In order to save your ass time, I agree with everyone. Your logic is flawed and she's just not into you. Big deal. Life goes the fuck on. Stop whining.


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## PolarKat (Aug 12, 2007)

sorry, too many posts... doing laundry.. and vacuum/mopping..


Obesus said:


> but it will eventually come, since we have so many good people here! :bow:


There are many good people here, but I get the feeling there's a minority out for easy rep points, so they pull an agenda before thinking of of other's peoples feelings or they come down way too hard on innocent faux-pas. I think that people need also need to re-learn some basic manners.
I just notice the thread on the weight board which you were refering to, and it seems we could use something like that as well.. sort of faq/newb guide, so that the new people know what to avoid and don't get driven away by the over zealous when they touch what the majority views as a taboo... until such time as acceptance of a point of view is accepted here..



BlackJack said:


> Yeah, us non-BHM-board-goers are a bunch of big bullies!


We just feel neglected  You guys don't just drop in enough and tell us if you're still alive.. we worry you know!!!!:
It's like you were saying on the weight board, just in our case we're already few in number, having people driven off doesn't do any good.. not to mention how comfortable is a new person going to be at saying what they "feel" without having to worry about someone comming over to trash them.. if that's the case then we should just rename this to the "fat guys discuss the weather thread"..



William said:


> Just as Fat People did not have a say in how society has judged us, BHMs are in a similar position within Fat Acceptance Community.


Which is why they created their community, I said this before, this section is just tacked on as an afterthought, we're not really wanted we're just tolerated.. or better said.. ignored to certain extent, I really don't know if it's just a vocal minority, or we're percieved as some sort of threat or erosion to the greater cause, maybe we need to create our own comunity separate from their until such time that the intollerances are bridged..



rabbitislove said:


> In order to save your ass time, I agree with everyone. Your logic is flawed and she's just not into you. Big deal. Life goes the fuck on. Stop whining.


Just to point out the obvious.. he made 1 post.. the one's who've been repeating the same point.. to a place where the horse is now at a consistancy of pudding.. are the whining one's.. myself included..


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## squurp (Aug 12, 2007)

Ry&#333;ri;525860 said:


> The other day I went to to the water park and I spotted this really nice girl. She and a very nice pear shapped body and I decided to talk to her, maybe get her number or something. Well, a few minutes in the conversation I asked if I could get her number and she told me she doesn't like fat guys. I was kinda stunned when I heard that, she herself wasn't a small girl by any means and she is saying she doesn't like fat guys. I've never liked double standards like that but I wanted to hear your thoughts on events like this.



Hey, its her right to like whatever she wants. More power to her. However, I've known some larger women, and even dated one, that hated fat men, because it reminded them of how fat they were, and they despised themselves for being fat. 

I guess its the old if you can't love yourself, you can't love others sort of thing. Not saying that was the case with this woman though.


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## Ry&#333;ri (Aug 13, 2007)

i thought it was a 2x standard but, in some retrospect i guess it isn't rather a personal preference but it also seems like if i turned someone down because they have the same hair color or something to that nature. I guess if I really wanted to figure this out, i'd have to talk to her but alas I can not...oh well, it was just one of those random thoughts I figured i would post in order to make some sence in to it. good times, good times.

edit:
Look I made a crappy post you guys don't have to rip me a new one, stupid thought, got it in the first..2 posts. And if this post is so confussing and ridiculous why are people still posting on it, i'm just sayin.


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## Qit el-Remel (Aug 13, 2007)

Laina said:


> Quite frankly, I'd rather an honest answer than a lie. If a guy's not attracted to me, I want to know the first time I make an advance, so I don't press the matter and look like a moron...and that's what the OP got: a straight answer.


But the polite way to turn him down would have been "you're not really my type"as opposed to any variant (no matter how diplomatic) on "you're too fat."

-Qit


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## William (Aug 13, 2007)

Hi

What I find strange is that there have been hundreds of rants here by BBW that have been rejected by BHM and I do not believe that it caused a conversation like this. Is this another Double Standard?

William




Tori DeLuca said:


> What if she was gay and preferred fay women? Would THAT then be a double standard?


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## jdprovorse (Aug 13, 2007)

William said:


> What I find strange is that there have been hundreds of rants here by BBW that have been rejected by BHM and I do not believe that it caused a conversation like this. Is this another Double Standard?


if your belief is correct, then it most certainly would be.


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## Laina (Aug 13, 2007)

Qit el-Remel said:


> But the polite way to turn him down would have been "you're not really my type"as opposed to any variant (no matter how diplomatic) on "you're too fat."
> 
> -Qit



True. On the other hand, he didn't really talk about HOW he approached her before people jumped on her. If a stranger walked up to me and asked for my number out of the blue, for example, I'd be less inclined to be gentle with his feelings than if we struck up a conversation and he eased into it. How a man approaches me, undoubtedly, is going to be the deciding factor between "I'm not interested" and "I don't date self-important chumps". 

I'm not necessarily defending her, only pointing out that "she's a bitch" is a big conclusion to jump to when no one was there to see it happen. I've been plenty bitchy to a handful of men in my life--most notably the one who cheerfully pointed to his panel van in a bar parking lot and said "there's a bed in the back just big enough for you, me, and my girlfriend".


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## Laina (Aug 13, 2007)

William said:


> Hi
> 
> What I find strange is that there have been hundreds of rants here by BBW that have been rejected by BHM and I do not believe that it caused a conversation like this. Is this another Double Standard?
> 
> William



I think that depends on where the conversation started--and, really, what thread of conversation you're referring to. It's ok to rant (or rather to be disappointed) when someone you're attracted to shoots you down. It's another thing entirely to imply that a fat person MUST accept a fat partner, sheerly by dint of being fat themselves. I must point out, too, that there WAS a reverse discussion on this board, wherein a fat girl was shot down by a BHM and complained...and I said the exact same thing to her: fat men get to choose their partners, just as fat women do.


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## William (Aug 13, 2007)

Hi Laina

BBW rants about men of all sizes that ignore them are a historic part of BBW groups, I find that comments of Fat Men that discriminate against Fat Women are often added on the end of these rants. I just never noticed a reaction like this person has gotten.

William




Laina said:


> I think that depends on where the conversation started--and, really, what thread of conversation you're referring to. It's ok to rant (or rather to be disappointed) when someone you're attracted to shoots you down. It's another thing entirely to imply that a fat person MUST accept a fat partner, sheerly by dint of being fat themselves. I must point out, too, that there WAS a reverse discussion on this board, wherein a fat girl was shot down by a BHM and complained...and I said the exact same thing to her: fat men get to choose their partners, just as fat women do.


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## Laina (Aug 13, 2007)

William said:


> Hi Laina
> 
> BBW rants about men of all sizes that ignore them are a historic part of BBW groups, I find that comments of Fat Men that discriminate against Fat Women are often added on the end of these rants. I just never noticed a reaction like this person has gotten.
> 
> William



Again, complaining about being overlooked is totally normal. Insisting that it's some kind of double standard is not. I'm sincerely sorry that the OP got shot down, because getting shot down sucks in ANY context. However, no fat woman is required to date fat men. Similarly, no fat man is required to date fat women.

Perhaps he got a different reaction due to his newness, or due to the way in which he worded the post; it happens. Perhaps it was a "slow news day". You seem to be implying that he would have been better received here if he were female, and from past posts on this particular board, I can hazard a guess that it wouldn't be true.


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## William (Aug 13, 2007)

Hi Laina

When I said that often comments about BHM are added to general rants on how men do not date BBWs, it is like the author is saying that it is even worse that BHM avoid dating BBW!

For the record I have found that most BHM are attracted to BBWs, at least those BHM active in online Fat Communities.

William





Laina said:


> Again, complaining about being overlooked is totally normal. Insisting that it's some kind of double standard is not. I'm sincerely sorry that the OP got shot down, because getting shot down sucks in ANY context. However, no fat woman is required to date fat men. Similarly, no fat man is required to date fat women.
> 
> Perhaps he got a different reaction due to his newness, or due to the way in which he worded the post; it happens. Perhaps it was a "slow news day". You seem to be implying that he would have been better received here if he were female, and from past posts on this particular board, I can hazard a guess that it wouldn't be true.


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## Qit el-Remel (Aug 14, 2007)

Laina said:


> True. On the other hand, he didn't really talk about HOW he approached her before people jumped on her. If a stranger walked up to me and asked for my number out of the blue, for example, I'd be less inclined to be gentle with his feelings than if we struck up a conversation and he eased into it. How a man approaches me, undoubtedly, is going to be the deciding factor between "I'm not interested" and "I don't date self-important chumps".


He did mention that they'd been conversing for a bit when he asked for her number. 



> I'm not necessarily defending her, only pointing out that "she's a bitch" is a big conclusion to jump to when no one was there to see it happen.


I wasn't trying to justify the name-calling; I wouldn't go so far as to malign her character. But it was still rather rude of her.



> I've been plenty bitchy to a handful of men in my life--most notably the one who cheerfully pointed to his panel van in a bar parking lot and said "there's a bed in the back just big enough for you, me, and my girlfriend".


Yeesh. What a sleaze!






-Qit


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## Laina (Aug 18, 2007)

William said:


> Hi Laina
> 
> When I said that often comments about BHM are added to general rants on how men do not date BBWs, it is like the author is saying that it is even worse that BHM avoid dating BBW!
> 
> ...



Fair enough. I firmly believe that those comments should be drawn out and expounded on, in either case, because it's an unfair--and frankly unhealthy--belief system. It sets both sides up for disappointment and unnecessary anger when their time could be better spent finding a worthwhile life partner.


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## Laina (Aug 18, 2007)

Qit el-Remel said:


> He did mention that they'd been conversing for a bit when he asked for her number.



Fair. I missed that when I originally read the post. Mea culpa. 



> I wasn't trying to justify the name-calling; I wouldn't go so far as to malign her character. But it was still rather rude of her.



It was indeed, and I won't deny that there are girls out there who feel entitled to be bitchy. Sometimes I really envy them, honestly. It takes a LOT to shove me into bitch-mode (which means I end up on a lot of dates that I just. don't. enjoy).



> Yeesh. What a sleaze!



Hehe. Yessum. That's why my large, angry (and recently married) best friend is my favorite drinking buddy. He's safe, I'm safe, and the guys at the bar are intimidated. Everyone wins. Well, I win, anyway. And what else matters?


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## SnapDragon (Aug 18, 2007)

I disagree about it being a double standard. Everyone's entitled to their own sexual preferences. I think it was bloody rude of the woman to respond to your request like that, though. I mean, I'm not attracted to thin men, but if a thin man came up to me and asked such things, I'd probably try to mumble something politely about him not being my type, rather than saying dismissively that I don't like thin men.

You're maybe approaching things in the wrong way. You should choose to approach women you're interested in because you like them. I may have the wrong idea here, but the way you wrote it makes it sound like you were only interested in this woman because you thought she might have low standards. That's not very flattering to either yourself or her. You need to respect yourself before anyone else is going to give you their respect. If you prefer plump ladies, that's all well and good, but you shouldn't make judgments on people's tastes and personalities based on their appearance.

-SnapDragon.


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