# is BBW exclusionary?



## lunarbaby (Jul 1, 2015)

I think when the term BBW is used many people have different things pop up in their mind and as a younger BBW I don't really understand it. 


Okay for starters let me tell you about myself I'm 5'5" and 265 lbs and I'm middle heavy, I've got a belly. I'm small on top (but my boobs are a 42 double d) if I show a man a selfie of me he will automatically assume I'm not a bbw so I get a lot guys saying I lied to them. I always thought it was kind of obvious. I've also got thicker calves and thighs. I've been put down by so many guys due to my weight I'm making a change even though I used to think I was beautiful I've kinda gained the mindset that maybe I'm not?

When I thought of the term BBW I thought of myself but now I'm not sure what to think because joining dating sites that are BBW friendly and trying to talk to guys is even harder because the guys on these sites are looking for feeders or girls bigger than me or girls smaller than me and no one's looking for someone like me. 

I feel like I'm stuck in the "in betweener" bbw category maybe and I'm not exactly sure how to feel about it. Is bbw exclusionary to the types of girls there are and what type of girl am I? I've never been so confused in my life. 

psa: if this is in the wrong part of the forums please tell me this is my first post on this site


----------



## Gspoon (Jul 1, 2015)

Hello and welcome to Dims!

So I hope I can help answer your question. To begin, I personally believe BBWs to be any woman who's weight is higher than what a typical BMI would be attached to their height. So if you appear to carry a few extra pounds on your frame (15-20lbs.) I wouldn't really consider that to be BBW as much as average plus some. As you describe yourself: 5'5" with 265, yeah I'd say you're a BBW.

Second, everyone has their preference. Just because one FA/FFA likes their partner to be extra large, doesn't mean that the FA/FFA next to them is the same. I have a friend who likes girls with just a little extra pounds on them, while I know of people who likes girls with about 50lbs extra, or 300lbs+.

Instead of thinking you do not understand the term of BBW, consider that these guys you talk to are not being absolutely clear with what THEY consider to be BBW. To them, a BBW may be a 500lb woman, and an SSBBW may be 1000+.

Keep on keeping on and keep your eyes open!


----------



## bigmac (Jul 1, 2015)

Welcome to the crazy BBW world. Definitions of BBW vary but most people would consider a 265 pound woman a BBW.

As for online dating -- I'd suggest remaining with mainstream sites -- but make sure to include a full body shot or two (so people cannot complain you hid something). My wife tells me that BBW specific sites are indeed populated by lots of feeders and otherwise obsessed guys (we've been married for seven years so this info is a bit old). Dating can very depressing but the ultimate payoff great. Best of luck.


----------



## lucca23v2 (Jul 1, 2015)

Lunar.. you are a bbw. Yes there are a lot of feeders on the bbw sites. Thing is.. just like everyone else in the dating world, man, woman, fat, skinny... everyone has to weed out the "ones that are not for them". It takes time, but you will come across guys/girls that will be completely into you.

Hang in there.


----------



## agouderia (Jul 2, 2015)

Gspoon said:


> Hello and welcome to Dims!
> 
> So I hope I can help answer your question. To begin, I personally believe BBWs to be any woman who's weight is higher than what a typical BMI would be attached to their height.





bigmac said:


> Welcome to the crazy BBW world. Definitions of BBW vary but most people would consider a 265 pound woman a BBW.



 Guys - the point of this board is to not have women defined in first instance by men! This has been pointed out to you more than once.

It's the BBW forum - not the FASIMKIA forum!


----------



## WTF (Jul 2, 2015)

jfc the fucking dudes just cant help but open their mouths on the BBW board.


for what its worth- I am 5'8" and about 210 lbs. BBW? I dont know. people say I "wear the fat well", whatever the fuck that means.


----------



## agouderia (Jul 2, 2015)

WTF said:


> jfc the ******* dudes just cant help but open their mouths on the BBW board.
> 
> 
> for what its worth- I am 5'8" and about 210 lbs. BBW? I dont know. people say I "wear the fat well", whatever the **** that means.



That's better - no need to overdo it.....


----------



## WTF (Jul 2, 2015)

agouderia said:


> That's better - no need to overdo it.....



We're all adults. Theres no fucking need to censor. You didnt even do it right anyway.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 2, 2015)

Stop listening. Most of the world would consider you fat. We're close to the same size. I'm reminded quite often that I'm "not skinny".

Those guys scoffing at your size not being big enough? They're just as bad as the ass clowns that would put you down for not being thin enough for them. 

Run. They did you a favor.

You really can find a guy that likes you the way you are- they're just not always on the net.


----------



## Gspoon (Jul 2, 2015)

agouderia said:


> Guys - the point of this board is to not have women defined in first instance by men! This has been pointed out to you more than once.
> 
> It's the BBW forum - not the FASIMKIA forum!



My apologies, I was unaware.


----------



## lucca23v2 (Jul 2, 2015)

you know.. not for anything, but I always wondered why this board was only for BBWs to respond to. There are plenty of BBWs that go on the BHM forum and post there. The men don't seem to have a problem with us posting in their forum, why is it so bad for men to post in this forum?

I think there are a lot of topics posted in this forum that men can give good advice on. I think it should be open to anyone to post and not just bbws.


----------



## loopytheone (Jul 3, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> you know.. not for anything, but I always wondered why this board was only for BBWs to respond to. There are plenty of BBWs that go on the BHM forum and post there. The men don't seem to have a problem with us posting in their forum, why is it so bad for men to post in this forum?
> 
> I think there are a lot of topics posted in this forum that men can give good advice on. I think it should be open to anyone to post and not just bbws.



The BBW board was created as a safe space for women to talk to other women without having to worry about the opinion of men, or being objectified, or having their genuine problems met with 'well I think its hot, so show us your titties' or whatever. It is considered a protected forum and safe space for women away from men.

The 'BHM' board, if you look closer, is actually the BHM/FFA board, and is for BHM and people who admire them. Therefore, the target audience includes women as well. It is not considered a protected forum and there are no rules as to who can post there.

Also, if a person wants to post a topic and have men share their opinion they are welcome to post the topic on another board. This board is here for women who want to discuss issues exclusively with other women and it is up to the thread poster what forum they want to post in and therefore who they want to reply to their post.


----------



## lucca23v2 (Jul 3, 2015)

Loopy.. I understand why the board was created, but making so that only women are the ones who post, that is a bit sexist. There are many men on this board married to or in a long term relationship with bbws.. who have some insight on the very issues we are discussing, How their wives have worked with PCOS, or health problems dealing with their weight, or how their wives didn't believe they were into them, how certain meds helped their wives with depression, or maybe even good doctors their wives/girlfriends went to to deal with depression or body issues. Their wives might not be active on the boards and some of the topics in this forum can give them a chance to pass along that information, however because the forum is only for women, they are not encouraged to share the info. I just think that closing it to men you may lose some valuable information that can be shared. To top it off, I have seen some post where men have had some good advice and were slammed because it is a womans forum. 

This topic in particular, is a topic where you want men to answer to. The OP is asking for reassurance that she can be attractive to a man who in the past has only dated thin women. Who better can answer than than a man that was in that position.. where he dated only thin women and then dated a bbw. As women we can give opinions from our experiences, but we can not give her some understanding of the male mind better than another male.

If you wonder why some forums are not as active, maybe it is because some people are discouraged to post on topics that they can share information on. IJS.. maybe with these new changes, it might be prudent to maybe revise the rule of BBW forum only being for BBWs.

***Just as a caveat, sometimes posters (specially those new to the boards) do not know where to post new topics and so they show up in some forms that are protected. It is then up to the moderators to move it to where it needs to go. However since there are no dedicated moderators checking on forums 24/7, it takes a while for the threads to be moved to where they belong. I just don't feel that because a poster doesn't put it in the right forum it should be blocked to those that want to respond to it. IJS..


----------



## agouderia (Jul 3, 2015)

Lucca - all of what you write is correct - that's the way it's supposed to be in an ideal world.

The men at Dims have no less than 14 different discussion forums (counting out BHM/FFA and GLBTQ) on which they can give their (indeed often very important) perspective, share experiences and advice or plain objectify BBWs if they want to.

This is the only forum which is reserved exclusively for female perspective and discussion. That might be all sorts of things - sexist is not one of them.

You do have a point that it could be meaningful to make that clearer already in the title of the forum, not only in the forum guidelines (.... although it's ironically mostly not the newbies around here who 'accidentally overlook' this rule).


----------



## WTF (Jul 3, 2015)

Ive always viewed the BBW board as a "women mostly" rather than a "women only" board. The majority of posts here have men included in the discussions and most of the time its cool. But sometimes I dont want men to throw their opinions in, and I know other women on this board who feel the same way. If we want a man's opinion (and usually we do, lol) we ask/discuss things on another part of the forum. We use this board to talk amongst ourselves.

Its really fucking annoying to talk about sensitive feminine issues and see posts from men talking with their dicks. It happens.


----------



## kittyd7015 (Jul 10, 2015)

I feel excluded at the moment on that categorie too :-/


----------



## lucca23v2 (Jul 27, 2015)

KittyD.. why do you feel excluded?


----------



## lucca23v2 (Jul 27, 2015)

kristal.. most of Dims is a pretty safe place to post. I am glad you see this thread as a safe place. 

I just don't think it is needed. i mean, people post about their periods, and health concerns and even more intimate things on other threads, so I don't know how much more sensitive things you need to post that you need a BBW only no men allowed thread.

That being said, if it makes you feel safe to post, then I guess there is a place for it.


----------



## BigCutieAurora (Jul 31, 2015)

The term BBW is a label just like any other, it means different things to different people. Now you can decide what it means to you and use it, or discard it all together. It's important to have clear full body pictures of yourself, especially on mainstream online dating sites. Other than that, be confident with yourself. If at the end of the date you're not their type, then so be it - there are plenty of others waiting to take their place. I usually say something like "Just so we're clear, I'm fatter in person (;" to make sure I've covered all of my bases and they cant claim I lied.

That's all really


----------



## Ruby Ripples (Aug 5, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> kristal.. most of Dims is a pretty safe place to post. I am glad you see this thread as a safe place.
> 
> I just don't think it is needed. i mean, people post about their periods, and health concerns and even more intimate things on other threads, so I don't know how much more sensitive things you need to post that you need a BBW only no men allowed thread.
> 
> That being said, if it makes you feel safe to post, then I guess there is a place for it.



I've been on this site for over ten years and I've seen so many threads where men have interjected in the most annoying way. One example for you was where a woman posted seriously asking about sex on top of her partner which she was struggling with. Someone else posted to say that she too couldn't manage it due to having very short fat thighs and.. can't remember what else. So then this male member of the site posted telling them both in no uncertain terms that they CAN physically manage this particular position. He knew because... he'd had sex with so many ssbbws of differing shapes  He was known to post on that type of thread offering usually ssbbws very personal advice, lol. He would NOT be told that for some people this position was a no go. That kind of thing was VERY annoying and off-putting for women trying to get advice on the site from other women. There were also several instances of women posting about personal conditions/issues where a man would suddenly pipe in and go "well you look hot to me, don't worry!" REALLY not helpful. If you started a thread say about not being able for example to find a bra that would support you properly without digging divets into your shoulders, you would start getting guys posting asking what weight your boobs are that they can cause raw shoulders in a bra.... 

I understand that this might not bother some, but it definitely did bother a lot of women on the site and so just to ask men not to pipe in on one section of the forum shouldn't really be an issue.


----------



## lucca23v2 (Aug 6, 2015)

Ruby, I understand what you mean. 

However, I am sure that there are men who could give good honest opinions on how a woman can ride a man without being crass, or how their wives had the same problems with bras cutting into them and what brand of bra their wives/so were good with.

I am just saying, there are idiots and always will be, but if you excluded a group of people then you miss out on good advice and good posts. Yes there are men that are idiots, but that is throwing out the baby with the bathwater. JMO


----------



## dwesterny (Aug 6, 2015)

I posted once in this forum (now twice) and if that was incorrect I'm sorry. I would like to point out that in the "Welcome to the BBW" thread in this forum it says the following:
_For Non-BBW posters:
This is a public but protected board much the way the Erotic Weight Gain and FA/FFA are protected. Non-bbw posters who venture here should take care to provide postive and non-disruptive posts.

Compliments: They're usually a good thing, but we ask that the opposite sex refrain from complimenting any photos here. If we want to be admired, we'll post our pics on one of the other boards. Thank you for understanding that. And if you don't, just take our word for it that it's important to a number of our community members.

If a BBW starts a thread asking specifically for BBW input, DO NOT comment in the thread. Doing so will be considered disruptive, and will result in infractions and/or a possible loss of some or all posting privileges for BBW board._

I had read that and thought posting here was ok, maybe that needs to be updated?

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61238


----------



## loopytheone (Aug 7, 2015)

dwesterny said:


> I posted once in this forum (now twice) and if that was incorrect I'm sorry. I would like to point out that in the "Welcome to the BBW" thread in this forum it says the following:
> _For Non-BBW posters:
> This is a public but protected board much the way the Erotic Weight Gain and FA/FFA are protected. Non-bbw posters who venture here should take care to provide postive and non-disruptive posts.
> 
> ...



Most people here wont complain if you are a man adding something respectful and insightful. A lot of gentleman posters here, however, like to objectify women and trivialise their issues so it is understandable that we get annoyed when they interupt our 'safe space'. As a general rule if you are respectful and helpful most of us wont mind the occasional post, as long as you accept that if we ask you to stop posting on a thread etc then we have the right to do that too.


----------



## petersmyth79 (Aug 12, 2015)

Sorry to be a man posting here and all. But as far as I can see most of the posts had absolutely nothing at all to do with the OP. My opinion is that labels are silly in the first place because they are subjective and open to interpretation. Men are silly when it comes to women.


----------



## lucca23v2 (Aug 12, 2015)

peter.. yeah, that was my fault. I kind of derailed the post. 

Back to the OP's original post, Is BBW exclusionary? Yes it can be.

However, keep in mind that the term BBW simply refers to Big beautiful women-- "big" is a relative term. There is big as in weight and big as in height. *The term is a subjective*. Some people choose to do it by weight, height others by sizes and yet still others by BMI's. It all depends on the group you want to speak of at the particular moment.

@ peter-- Labels are not bad per say. It is only bad when they are used to pigeonhole someone or to put a person(s)/people down.


----------



## balletguy (Aug 12, 2015)

I know I am a guy but just adding my experience. I have dated women that did not prefer the term BBW. And I have dated women that Like the term and wear it as almost a badge on honor. I guess with anything else it is the individual.


----------



## petersmyth79 (Aug 13, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> peter.. yeah, that was my fault. I kind of derailed the post.
> 
> Back to the OP's original post, Is BBW exclusionary? Yes it can be.
> 
> ...



Yeah totally labels are/can be okay, I just think people(both men and women) take the labels/status too seriously. Your posts (the ones not really about the op) had some really interesting and valid points, Ideas. I don't really post a lot on dimensions, Maybe I should post more. (Sorry to the op for going off topic). Fa's that are obsessed with your size above all else are kind of missing the point, anyone's idea of perfect beauty is pointless if it's the first thing you look for. The amazing beautiful soul/personality is the real true beauty. That is the most important attribute everyone should be looking for because beauty can change in an instant(car accident, breast cancer, weight loss etc) and if the outside is the main thing your attracted to in your partner; your relationship is stuffed if looks change


----------

