# A question about closet cases regarding bbw and ssbbw



## jenboo (Oct 27, 2009)

Hi, I am new to this board and am learning a lot! One of the questions that has come up for me is the idea of closet fat admirers. I am a ssbbw and wonder if the closet is deeper for the fattest of the fat or if the actual weight matters. Like Joe Blow will go out with Patty a bbw or Sally a ssbbw. Will Joe admit his preference for a bbw more readily than a ssbbw?


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## bdog (Oct 27, 2009)

jenboo said:


> Hi, I am new to this board and am learning a lot! One of the questions that has come up for me is the idea of closet fat admirers. I am a ssbbw and wonder if the closet is deeper for the fattest of the fat or if the actual weight matters. Like Joe Blow will go out with Patty a bbw or Sally a ssbbw. Will Joe admit his preference for a bbw more readily than a ssbbw?



For some it matters, for others it doesn't.


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## rollhandler (Oct 27, 2009)

For many it is an issue of self admission. In this case the preference is seen as aberrant behaviour that must be controlled or perversion fantasy that can and should be denied oneself for acceptance in society. It is a projection of how they feel they will be treated by others if they admitted or acted on their preference. The closet case may not want to admit that the preference is valid or act on the preference and fear of perceptive rejection by others. They may date larger partners but hide it even joining in on fat bashing behaviours to hide the fact that they like fat partners. It is a very personal issue that varies from closet case to closet case. In some instances it is not an issue of dating a larger partner or the size of the partner it is more the fear of being caught and being perceived as being seen as abnormal or fear of being treated differently or abandoned by friends family or coworkers. It is a fear of peer rejection and being ostracized or mocked by those the closet case is projecting his insecurities onto. In some cases it is a dirty little secret that is so ingrained in their perception of self and fear of discovery that they will never date their preference for fear of the possibility of discovery regardless of the size preference they have. This is why some date the smaller versions (more acceptable compromises) of their preference, some will not date their preference at all, some will date privately but never publicly, and some will date large as an aspect of fantasy but return to what they consider more normal relationships to maintain a level of acceptance from their peers.
In other words the greater the fear the deeper the closet, not the size of the partner.
Rollhandler


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## jenboo (Oct 27, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> For many it is an issue of self admission. In this case the preference is seen as aberrant behaviour that must be controlled or perversion fantasy that can and should be denied oneself for acceptance in society. It is a projection of how they feel they will be treated by others if they admitted or acted on their preference. The closet case may not want to admit that the preference is valid or act on the preference and fear of perceptive rejection by others. They may date larger partners but hide it even joining in on fat bashing behaviours to hide the fact that they like fat partners. It is a very personal issue that varies from closet case to closet case. In some instances it is not an issue of dating a larger partner or the size of the partner it is more the fear of being caught and being perceived as being seen as abnormal or fear of being treated differently or abandoned by friends family or coworkers. It is a fear of peer rejection and being ostracized or mocked by those the closet case is projecting his insecurities onto. In some cases it is a dirty little secret that is so ingrained in their perception of self and fear of discovery that they will never date their preference for fear of the possibility of discovery regardless of the size preference they have. This is why some date the smaller versions (more acceptable compromises) of their preference, some will not date their preference at all, some will date privately but never publicly, and some will date large as an aspect of fantasy but return to what they consider more normal relationships to maintain a level of acceptance from their peers.
> In other words the greater the fear the deeper the closet, not the size of the partner.
> Rollhandler



It is such a shame that people would hide their like of fat partners. Its like I will still be there when you are old and drooling and shitting yourself but is your buddy that you went to the bar with and made fun of the fat folks going to love you when you are in need of it?


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 27, 2009)

> Its like I will still be there when you are old and drooling and shitting yourself but is your buddy that you went to the bar with and made fun of the fat folks going to love you when you are in need of it?



Before I answer this question (as an FFA but interchange the gender) I have to address this. Any kind of -ism, including ageism can be really hurtful. An image of older folks as "drooling and shitting themselves" is just totally not necessary. And as far as the "buddy at the bar", friendships in addition to romantic partnerships can be an integral part of life. My mother just attended the funeral of a high school friend who she'd known for over 50 years, to me that's _valuable._ I'm not saying it's more valuable than her husband (who, FWIW, divorced her) but it is valuable.

Anyway, I personally have never seen the need to be in the closet about being an FFA. Has it ever come up? Yes. Ever been teased? Yes, but I can't say it's to an extensive degree. My friend may point to a BHM celebrity and say "I bet you love him!" or when I worked in a bar when a fat guy came in, inevitably somebody would say "Here's on for L.!" but it's certainly never been an overiding issue for anyone I know. Now maybe I'm spoiled, but I've never had a friend, relative, or coworker who spent a whole lot of time thinking about what sexual fetish or preference I might have. It does not affect anyone else's life so it really should not matter.

That being said, I can see there might be situations where peer pressure is an issue, or where appearance is of more importance than in other venues. I'm sure if you were in certain lines of work or lived in places that valued outward appearance to a high degree, it might be difficult to be with a SS partner and the "teasing" or "hard time" might push you into the closet just as it might do with a gay person. i.e. A gay man interviewing for a job as a minister for a church in a conservative town might feel pressured to have a female wife in order to present the right image to get the job. Since it's his livelihood, he may feel he has to make that concession. If you were like a high end realtor in Hollywood and had to socialize a lot with people in the film and TV industries in order to get listings and make deals, you might find it necessary to have a conventionally attractive female partnter, again due to attempting to present a certain image for professional purposes. Yes it would be great if anyone could just tell the world to fuck off and go out with who they want, but if your job or professional or social profile is based on your partner's looks, you might feel compelled to adjust.


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## Lovelyone (Oct 27, 2009)

Its has been *my experience* that some men who like the ssbbw form, only like it online--or for bragging rights for having been with one. 

That having been said--NOT all FA's are like that. I've met FA's who were out loud and proud for their love of the larger form...in real time, real life. They are proud to have this person in their life no matter what size they are. Several of my friends have the mentality of "I dont give a rat's ass if others dont like it. I am happy." I know men who like women in all shapes and sizes. These men dont put emphasis on size for the most part because they see the person they are with for whom they are, and see what's on the outside as just a benefit of being with the person they love. They can fall in love with a tiny bbw just as easily as with an ssbbw. I have men friends who ONLY date ssbbw. I have men friends who wont date a woman if she's over a certain size. I cannot judge them. We all have our preferences, myself included. 

I know men who are in the perverbial fat closet and afraid to walk out for fear of what will happen. They wonder about how friends and family will react if they find out they love fat women. They have concerns about thier jobs and how a fat woman might affect their advancement. They worry about society. Some men/women can't deal with having to defend their loved one for being fat, or having to defend their preference for soft and fleshy. Sometimes they worry about there being a difference between the fantasy and the reality of being with a plus-sized person. How will it change how they feel about themselves? I have a friend who is an actor and he fears the backlash of not getting work because instead of being appreciated for his work, society will only identify him as the actor who likes fat women. Often times they are so conflicted that they just stay alone because in their minds being alone might be easier than loving a fat woman. I find this to be a sad state of affairs.but its a reality. Shouldn't people be allowed to love whom they love and not be judged for it? 

As an ssbbw who tips the scales at around +550lbs., I always tell them that I understand their fears...because I live them. Society is not always nice to the larger people. Hell, if you look hard enough even within this fat community you can see a twinge of it. I can only imagine the treatment that men and women who love plus-sized people suffer at the hands of society, friends, and family who don't understand that having feelings for someone who is plus sized is no different than falling in love with someone who isnt. I also let them know that experiencing the flaws of being a big person is what makes me a stronger person. It doesnt stop me from being happy, because in the long run and at the end of my years I will not look back on my life and regret having lived a life for myself and not for others.


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## jenboo (Oct 28, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Before I answer this question (as an FFA but interchange the gender) I have to address this. Any kind of -ism, including ageism can be really hurtful. An image of older folks as "drooling and shitting themselves" is just totally not necessary. And as far as the "buddy at the bar", friendships in addition to romantic partnerships can be an integral part of life. My mother just attended the funeral of a high school friend who she'd known for over 50 years, to me that's _valuable._ I'm not saying it's more valuable than her husband (who, FWIW, divorced her) but it is valuable.
> 
> Anyway, I personally have never seen the need to be in the closet about being an FFA. Has it ever come up? Yes. Ever been teased? Yes, but I can't say it's to an extensive degree. My friend may point to a BHM celebrity and say "I bet you love him!" or when I worked in a bar when a fat guy came in, inevitably somebody would say "Here's on for L.!" but it's certainly never been an overiding issue for anyone I know. Now maybe I'm spoiled, but I've never had a friend, relative, or coworker who spent a whole lot of time thinking about what sexual fetish or preference I might have. It does not affect anyone else's life so it really should not matter.
> 
> That being said, I can see there might be situations where peer pressure is an issue, or where appearance is of more importance than in other venues. I'm sure if you were in certain lines of work or lived in places that valued outward appearance to a high degree, it might be difficult to be with a SS partner and the "teasing" or "hard time" might push you into the closet just as it might do with a gay person. i.e. A gay man interviewing for a job as a minister for a church in a conservative town might feel pressured to have a female wife in order to present the right image to get the job. Since it's his livelihood, he may feel he has to make that concession. If you were like a high end realtor in Hollywood and had to socialize a lot with people in the film and TV industries in order to get listings and make deals, you might find it necessary to have a conventionally attractive female partnter, again due to attempting to present a certain image for professional purposes. Yes it would be great if anyone could just tell the world to fuck off and go out with who they want, but if your job or professional or social profile is based on your partner's looks, you might feel compelled to adjust.



I don't think you "got" what I was trying to figure out, but that is ok, thanks for answering anyway


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## jenboo (Oct 28, 2009)

Lovelyone said:


> Its has been *my experience* that some men who like the ssbbw form, only like it online--or for bragging rights for having been with one.
> 
> That having been said--NOT all FA's are like that. I've met FA's who were out loud and proud for their love of the larger form...in real time, real life. They are proud to have this person in their life no matter what size they are. Several of my friends have the mentality of "I dont give a rat's ass if others dont like it. I am happy." I know men who like women in all shapes and sizes. These men dont put emphasis on size for the most part because they see the person they are with for whom they are, and see what's on the outside as just a benefit of being with the person they love. They can fall in love with a tiny bbw just as easily as with an ssbbw. I have men friends who ONLY date ssbbw. I have men friends who wont date a woman if she's over a certain size. I cannot judge them. We all have our preferences, myself included.
> 
> ...



Often times they are so conflicted that they just stay alone because in their minds being alone might be easier than loving a fat woman. I find this to be a sad state of affairs.but its a reality. Shouldn't people be allowed to love whom they love and not be judged for it?

This is the thought I would like to have portrayed when I made the tongue in cheek post about drooling and buddies. You stated it much better that I ever could, thank you for that


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## Les Toil (Oct 28, 2009)

jenboo said:


> I don't think you "got" what I was trying to figure out, but that is ok, thanks for answering anyway




Well, I do have to give her credit for eloquently explaining why a lot of FAs remain in the closet. 

Regarding your question about who's deeper in the closet, the BBW lover or the SSBBW lover, I initially thought that would be an easy one to figure out, but maybe it's not. Although the sheer fact that I see a considerable amount more BBW out on dates than I do SSBBW very well may answer the question.


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## Tad (Oct 28, 2009)

Les Toil said:


> Regarding your question about who's deeper in the closet, the BBW lover or the SSBBW lover, I initially thought that would be an easy one to figure out, but maybe it's not. Although the sheer fact that I see a considerable amount more BBW out on dates than I do SSBBW very well may answer the question.



Then again, there are a considerable amount more of BBW than SSBBW, so if the same portion of each was out on dates, you'd see more BBW than SSBBW out on dates


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## s13 (Sep 12, 2015)

I am in the closet as my preference is for the very biggest ssbbws. I have admitted to friends and been seen with bbws but I'm quite sure they would be shocked that I willingly fuck chicks over 500 pounds, from 18 to 60, who walk with a waddle, carry a huge belly or an eyepoppingly wide ass. The very big ssbbws I've been with tend to understand the pressure and are often new to this world too, I'd love to settle down with one and take her to my friends events. This site is good for helping FAs and I also have met a couple of 500+ pound ssbbws through it (how awesome is that) but I think there's a bit too much expectation to be out of the closet for guys into extremely fat flabby bodies


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## loopytheone (Sep 12, 2015)

s13 said:


> I am in the closet as my preference is for the very biggest ssbbws. I have admitted to friends and been seen with bbws but I'm quite sure they would be shocked that I willingly fuck chicks over 500 pounds, from 18 to 60, who walk with a waddle, carry a huge belly or an eyepoppingly wide ass. The very big ssbbws I've been with tend to understand the pressure and are often new to this world too, I'd love to settle down with one and take her to my friends events. This site is good for helping FAs and I also have met a couple of 500+ pound ssbbws through it (how awesome is that) but I think there's a bit too much expectation to be out of the closet for guys into extremely fat flabby bodies



Any woman with an ounce of self respect wouldn't be caught dead with somebody who is ashamed of them, as you clearly are. How abhorrent.


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## Blockierer (Sep 13, 2015)

s13 said:


> I am in the closet as my preference is for the very biggest ssbbws. I have admitted to friends and been seen with bbws but *I'm quite sure they would be shocked *that I willingly fuck chicks over 500 pounds, from 18 to 60, who walk with a waddle, carry a huge belly or an eyepoppingly wide ass. The very big ssbbws I've been with tend to understand the pressure and are often new to this world too, I'd love to settle down with one and take her to my friends events. This site is good for helping FAs and I also have met a couple of 500+ pound ssbbws through it (how awesome is that) but I think there's a bit too much expectation to be out of the closet for guys into extremely fat flabby bodies


I'm quite sure they will survive the shock :bow: and you too. 
Being out of the closet is freeing!


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## FatAndProud (Sep 13, 2015)

I like what I like...and don't care about what others think. Why is weight in a partner so different than any other characteristic? Do you hide that you like blondes? Do you hide that you like girls with cute feet? Do you hide the fact that you like musically inclined women? It's all silly to me. 

This is why I stay away from people. People are strange.


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## Blockierer (Sep 13, 2015)

Lovelyone said:


> ....
> I know men who are in the perverbial fat closet and afraid to walk out for fear of what will happen. They wonder about how friends and family will react if they find out they love fat women. They have concerns about thier jobs and how a fat woman might affect their advancement. They worry about society. Some men/women can't deal with having to defend their loved one for being fat, or having to defend their preference for soft and fleshy. Sometimes they worry about there being a difference between the fantasy and the reality of being with a plus-sized person. How will it change how they feel about themselves? I have a friend who is an actor and he fears the backlash of not getting work because instead of being appreciated for his work, society will only identify him as the actor who likes fat women. Often times they are so conflicted that they just stay alone because in their minds being alone might be easier than loving a fat woman. I find this to be a sad state of affairs.but its a reality. Shouldn't people be allowed to love whom they love and not be judged for it?
> ....


This one of the best description of the insecurities that some men prevent from the fat coming out. As an old admirer of the larger female forms I can confirm, all these fears are ridiculous. Everybody should love what he wants - thin, fat or extremely fat - and don't care about what others think.


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