# Thoughts on FFAs



## Melian (Jan 6, 2008)

There's a thread on the main board right now in which the OP presents an article (written by a former BBW) that basically states that FAs are creepy. An interesting discussion developed, so I thought I'd ask a similar question here:

What is your impression of FFAs?

Do you find us to be creepy? Demanding? Have you even met any FFAs in person? I'm interested to read your opinions (including FFAs' opinions of their peers).


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## BHMluver (Jan 6, 2008)

Melian said:


> There's a thread on the main board right now in which the OP presents an article (written by a former BBW) that basically states that FAs are creepy. An interesting discussion developed, so I thought I'd ask a similar question here:
> 
> What is your impression of FFAs?
> 
> Do you find us to be creepy? Demanding? Have you even met any FFAs in person? I'm interested to read your opinions (including FFAs' opinions of their peers).



I have never, EVER met an other FFA in person...or one who I even remotely suspected was one. Therefore, it was as though the heavens parted when I found this board and realized I wasn't the only one who liked her men "large and in charge."


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## cammy (Jan 6, 2008)

Women are generally less aggressive than men, are thus less likely to come across as "creepy" in any arena - not just as FFAs. In the real world, everyone is hesitant to expose their preferences/situations/desires, etc. that deviate from what is universally accepted as the norm, making it difficult to to find others of the same ilk. Heck, it took me 2 years to tell my BHM that I prefer guys of size - it's certainly not a disclosure I make with ease.

However, I've found that just as many of the women I know, like a man with some weight as like a leaner/muscular man. What seems to be universal, is a desire for our man to be healthy.


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## IwannabeVERYfat (Jan 6, 2008)

sure aren't many in Kansas


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## Fatgator (Jan 6, 2008)

FFA's aren't creepy at all. They are generally polite and kind and encouraging and positive. As a BHM, I enjoy compliments and such just like any other person. Part of it I think, is that the FFA's are usually seeking the same thing the guy is, at least in terms of the pure love of fat. 

I am relating my opinion, so if any other BHM's have other answers, chime in.

To me though, I enjoy being fat, and called fat and seen as a big man, I love eating and all that comes with being a fat man. All of these traits are usually what the FFA's love and enjoy as well, so we get along in that way. Most BHMs and FFAs seem to be on the same page in the physical sense at least.

I will say, I am a 20 year old male at 5'7, 283 pounds...compared to basically all the other BHM's on this board, I'm small...I've heard a few nice comments here and there, but generally it seems as if the FFA's are seeking larger. Personally, I feel as if I don't fit in just yet...I'm too fat for the women who like fit/thin men, yet I guess I'm not fat enough for the FFA's.

I know that paragraph was more about me than FFA's, but it leads to one of my wonders...what are FFA's priorities in terms of the BHM they seek? That may sound like a stupid question...but it crosses my mind from time to time.

Overall though, I've generally gotten along with any FFA's I've talked to, and I am most comfortable when talking to one.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 7, 2008)

I read that article earlier today, and immediately went for a walk. While I can understand the author's feelings based on her experiences, I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting some. Especially since the OP said he got it in a very liberal, progressive magazine. I can understand his need to be reassured that FAdom does not make one a creep.

To be perfectly candid, I've always known I was attracted to bigger men(and boys when I was younger), and most of the men I've dated have been at least a little heavier. But it actually took me a really long time to come to terms with the fact that I am not attracted to thin/fit men. Especially because, as a lifelong athlete/martial artist, I've been around lots of them. It also doesn't help that mainstream society refers to us as "fat fetishists." I haven't heard too many women referred to as "blond fetishists" or "washboard ab fetishists" lately. I'll even be brutally honest here and admit that I found Dimensions in a less than politically correct way. I broke down and looked up fat fetishism, learned the term BHM and a google search brought me here. Once I got here, however, everything changed. This place has made me feel good about it, finally.

I find the other FFAs to be for the most part a very kind, caring, funny, warm and interesting group of women. And for those that have men in their lives, it is very clear that they care deeply about them and see them as more than just their weight. I've also found a lot of the male FAs on this board to come across as great guys. So the whole thing has made me feel better about my FAness(I think I made up a word again.)

Unfortunately, there are always going to be creeps in any group. And with F/FAs they stand out even more and are more "shocking" to society because fat is still such a loaded issue. I mean, if people think it's bad to be fat, they must think it's absolutely crazy to find it attractive. I think that perception leads a lot of people out there in the big bad world to assume the worst about all of us who are F/FAs. But hopefully, anyone who has been around some and especially anyone on this site, knows that at the very least there are plenty of good people here and that makes it worth ignoring the bad ones.


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## William (Jan 7, 2008)

Hi 

I agree and also I find that in FFAs their approach to their attraction seems not to shout out to the world "I am a Fat Admirer!!!!!" I realize now that I missed my first FFA way back in High School when a friend snuggled up to me and shared how she like chubby guys, I had thought she must be just kidding at the time.

I find that few or none of the FFA I have observed online cross over the line where they become creepy and I think that this is because of two reasons. One is that it takes a lot before a guy will be creeped out by a woman and two that guys have more of the tendency to go too far and be the creepy ones, that is not just a issue for FAs.

William





Dr. P Marshall said:


> I read that article earlier today, and immediately went for a walk. While I can understand the author's feelings based on her experiences, I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting some. Especially since the OP said he got it in a very liberal, progressive magazine. I can understand his need to be reassured that FAdom does not make one a creep. snip


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## bmann0413 (Jan 7, 2008)

To be honest, I never met a real FFA... but the ladies on here seem like a fun lot! I don't think that you're weird or anything at all...


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 7, 2008)

bmann0413 said:


> I don't think that you're weird or anything at all...



We are weird, but not because we're FFAs


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## Ninja Glutton (Jan 7, 2008)

FFAs are definitely not creepy. They're lovely. I've never met one in real life, but the ones I've spoken to online have been real sweethearts. I like how they make me feel sexy despite the fact that I've felt severely unsexy for the majority of my life. Rock on, FFAs.

The ego-strokage is extremely appreciated.


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## Tad (Jan 7, 2008)

Melian said:


> There's a thread on the main board right now in which the OP presents an article (written by a former BBW) that basically states that FAs are creepy. An interesting discussion developed, so I thought I'd ask a similar question here:
> 
> What is your impression of FFAs?
> 
> Do you find us to be creepy? Demanding? Have you even met any FFAs in person? I'm interested to read your opinions (including FFAs' opinions of their peers).



Warning: I was not very coherent when writing this, and I'd better apologize in advance, because I'm sure I've said some things in a wrong way, and someone will feel hurt.

Like most people here, I dont personally know people who describe themselves as FFA. And Ive been married for long enough that Id have to spend a moment to actually figure out how many years its been, and when I was single I was maybe technically overweight, but not enough that it was any sort of major issue (for that matter, FFA probably would not have been interested in me then). In other words, what I know about FFA comes almost totally from these boards (and a little bit in chat). 

Overall, I think that the FFA are a lovely, varied, and interesting group of women. There are lots that Id love to know simply as friends, because they are cool, totally aside from the FFA aspect. But then again, Ive encountered you all in this friendly forum, not looking at dates. Im not surprised that there is not the same extremism as is found amongst some male FA, because in general guys seem more apt to go to extremes in matters erotic.

But I could imagine, were I dating, how it would be possible to focus on one thing and get scared off. For example, a lot of the thin FFA here seem to love the contrast of having their guy be two or three times their size. How his size is so dominating. A lot have also said that while they are very in control in regular life, having a BHM be dominant in the bedroom would be a big turn-on. For me, those are things that are turn-offs, more or less. That is, I dont like holding blatant power, nor being seen as a physically dominating presence. I dont think it would be enough to make me swear off of FFA, but I can imagine how it could make me hesitant, thinking if she says she is an FFA, then really what she wants is a big hulking male presence, so we are never going to want the same sort of relationship in that regard.

So, I would not say FFA are creepy. I think that generalizing about people is always dangerous, as is under-estimating how flexible and varied even individuals arejust because someone likes a certain thing most, it doesnt mean that there arent lots of other things that they like too.


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## LoveBHMS (Jan 7, 2008)

I don't see where having a particular body type preference says anything about you.

I think what's creepy is when somebody's behaviour over-focuses on a sexual proclivity or interest or fetish. 

Having a shoe fetish is wholly different from allowing your shoe fetish to consume you to the point where you shoplift shoes, steal women's shoes, or jerk off in public while furtively snapping pictures of women's feet.

There also seems to be a pretty broad FFA (or male FA) continuum. There are some of us who just sort of like fat guys, and some who are only attracted to fat guys and can't get sexually aroused if a man is not a certain size. You can't qualify that as "bad" or "good" or say that a woman is less superficial or creepy or perverted if she isn't over obsessed with a man's size. Some women's sexuality is just hardwired to where it's their thing and they just plain *need it* or they don't get horny.

I guess what I'm saying is it's not really about "liking fat guys" or "preferring fat guy" or even being able to articulate what you like about them, but more about how much of a factor it is in your social or sex life.


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## orinoco (Jan 7, 2008)

I have never found any female creepy, the word I would normally use to describe an FFA is "quirky" but that is because I come from a place where there is a particular style that most females seem to want to attain and the FFAs that i have met tend to be very much against that style.....so yeah FFAs are quirky, creative, types and not trend followers :smitten: 



Melian said:


> There's a thread on the main board right now in which the OP presents an article (written by a former BBW) that basically states that FAs are creepy. An interesting discussion developed, so I thought I'd ask a similar question here:
> 
> What is your impression of FFAs?
> 
> Do you find us to be creepy? Demanding? Have you even met any FFAs in person? I'm interested to read your opinions (including FFAs' opinions of their peers).


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 7, 2008)

edx said:


> Warning: I was not very coherent when writing this, and I'd better apologize in advance, because I'm sure I've said some things in a wrong way, and someone will feel hurt.
> 
> Like most people here, I don’t personally know people who describe themselves as FFA. And I’ve been married for long enough that I’d have to spend a moment to actually figure out how many year’s its been, and when I was single I was maybe technically overweight, but not enough that it was any sort of major issue (for that matter, FFA probably would not have been interested in me then). In other words, what I know about FFA comes almost totally from these boards (and a little bit in chat).
> 
> ...



I've been reluctant to post here. My mood has been gloom and doom of late and I've been spreading good cheer all over the board today as a result. You are touching on something I did want to speak on though. I had a very good BHM friend and he was dating a girl he'd met over the summer, a tiny little thing. He was thrilled with her at first but I became a little concerned because he seemed a bit less happy within a short length of time. He later complained that her behavior towards him was very aggressive. He's a gentle giant but his girlfriend was really turned on by his size. She was a grabber and a jabber, wrestling playfully with him in an effort to get him to restrain her in some way. I personally witnessed her hurling herself at him playfully, reveling in the fact that he was a big hulking guy but I could see he was really uncomfortable with it. Someone joked once that she treated him like he was her own personal Snuffleuffagus and I could see that it really bothered him. This seems to be the only complaint I've ever heard from big guys is that people somehow assume that they are impervious to abuse or the lack of sensitivity only twists the knife and makes them even more self concious of their size. But this is the rare exception I reckon.


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## Tad (Jan 7, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> I had a very good BHM friend and he was dating a girl he'd met over the summer, a tiny little thing. He was thrilled with her at first but I became a little concerned because he seemed a bit less happy within a short length of time. He later complained that her behavior towards him was very aggressive. He's a gentle giant but his girlfriend was really turned on by his size. She was a grabber and a jabber, wrestling playfully with him in an effort to get him to restrain her in some way. I personally witnessed her hurling herself at him playfully, reveling in the fact that he was a big hulking guy but I could see he was really uncomfortable with it.



Yah, that would drive me crazy. I mean, I tolerate it from my son to some extent, because rough-housing with dad is one of the ways boys learn what is and is not acceptable in the way of physical aggression (and unlike friends, dad won't punch you back twice as hard if you go over the line). But in a partner? No thanks! I want kisses and caresses, not tackles and jabs.


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## Neen (Jan 7, 2008)

I've never met a FFA in person, but i would love to. As long as they were not overtly creepy! I think most FFA's seem to hide it.. but they really need to get it out there..smile..flirt.. be proud!


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## Melian (Jan 7, 2008)

Great responses, so far!

Personally, I haven't met any other "out" FFAs, but a lot of my female friends consistently date chubby (at least) guys, so some of them probably have FFA tendencies. 

I'm glad to hear that the BHM here seem to have had better experiences with FFAs than the BBW on the main board have had with FAs. I don't think this necessarily means that women are less extreme regarding their sexual preferences (I have met some hardcore female perverts...), but it just seems like FFAs have a bit more restraint/respect than our male counterparts. Sorry if that pisses off any FAs, but this has just been my observation after comparing these two threads.

Off topic: this thread has got me considering writing a short story, from an FFA perspective, with a bit of a darker theme than what usually appears in the Dimensions library. We'll see....


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 7, 2008)

And you know I love to hear what you think even if it's gloom and doom.  I have calmed down considerably since I read the article, and I've thought a lot about what it was that bothered me. The thing about Dimensions is, we have a very large collection of F/FA compared to anywhere in the "real world." And while that means that there are lots of skulking types, there are also a lot of the best on here too. Most people who actively participate on the boards have made a commitment to their FAdom(again, not really a word) that goes beyond just looking at pictures and having fantasies. And since those are the type of people who read the threads, those are the type of people who will be most sensitive to negative representations of F/FAs. I honestly think every thoughtful F/FA knows exactly what the woman in that article was talking about. And also situations like Lilly mentioned about her friend. That's exactly why so many of us have wrestled with coming to terms with our attraction. That's also why, at least on this board, so many of the FFAs are just thankful to find other women like them and find out that they are not freaks, or purely obsessed with the physical. I'm pretty sure the group of FAs that all the BBW seem to agree are good guys feel the same way. We get comfortable here. A lot of us spend a lot of time here and so when reality comes crashing into our safe haven, it can be a little tough to take at first. So while yes, we are sympathetic to how hard it can be for BBW and BHM when they encounter a rotten F/FA, there are times when you just want to scream "Am I really going to have to carry the burden of every jackass that came before me just because I'm attracted to the same type of person?" I think this is far more true of the FAs than the FFAs, by the way. I think the BHM seem to have fewer problems with us. And I certainly understand how the BBW feel about the bad FAs, but I can see why the good guys would want the reassurance that it doesn't apply to them.


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## AZ_Wolf (Jan 7, 2008)

I think the core element of this has very little to do with if someone is a FA/FFA or not (especially on the FA side since, as several times before, folks have pointed out how men are more inclined to extremes or aggression). Most people active in the dating world might like to think that they can just shrug off previous bad experiences and treat each new person with a clean slate, but unfortunately often it doesn't work out that way. Personally speaking, on more than one occasion in the past I found myself in a situation where I felt that I needed to "prove" myself in some way to a woman I'd met due to a bad experience or experiences she'd had before -- and this was when I was still fit.

But then when you add in the weight aspect, you risk exacerbating the situation because someone might be more excited to find someone of the type (FA, FFA, BBW, BHM) that they've long searched for and perhaps that excitement leads them overboard. Or perhaps they're just creepy to begin with. 

I've met one FFA in person and everything was just fine -- we got along, chatted almost contantly and never ran out of anything to talk about, and actually quite rarely spoke about things connected to weight. The healthiest way to view it is just like any other attraction, be it to fit people, tall people, short people, long hair, bald heads, or what have you.

Now I'm going to take a guess here and propose something that hasn't been mentioned yet in this thread. However, I'm taking a bit of a chance in that I don't know the general demographics of the FA/BBW community. But drawing from what I see here, perhaps the reason the men might tend to be a little more outspoken in their desires or excitement when they meet someone is that they may have been searching for that person for a very long time. It seems to me that the men here start somewhere in their early to mid 20's and are pretty well-represented past their 40's and beyond. However, FFAs, at least here, seem to be made up of about 80% from ages 18-22 and about 95% are under 27-28. So younger probably tends to indicate less experience, which in turn means fewer bad experiences and also less time to build up a stronger yearning for or (in some cases) something more akin to frustration in their search.

...or perhaps UFOs have come and spirited away almost all FFAs past their 22nd birthday.


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## Melian (Jan 7, 2008)

AZ_Wolf said:


> However, FFAs, at least here, seem to be made up of about 80% from ages 18-22. So younger probably tends to indicate less experience, which in turn means fewer bad experiences and also less time to build up a stronger yearning for or (in some cases) something more akin to frustration in their search.



Good point. I know I kind of eased into my preferences from an early age and had a lot of excellent experiences (and some bad, but meh... ) along the way. I'm creepy to begin with...so who knows how I'd turn out after years of unfulfilled lust! Hehe.


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## Zandoz (Jan 7, 2008)

To my personal experience FFAs are mythical creatures right along with unicorns, jackelopes & snipes. I've been a big guy for probably 46+ of my 51 years, and I've yet to encounter one. I would not even consider my wife one.

Assuming they do really exist, I certainly would not think them creepy in general. But on the other hand, any interest/preference/Passion can be taken to the extent of being creepy, so I also do not think FFA's would be exempt from creepydom either. Like every other category of humans, some are going to be creepy...some are not....and some just defy labeling. :blink:


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## cammy (Jan 7, 2008)

AZ_Wolf said:


> However, FFAs, at least here, seem to be made up of about 80% from ages 18-22 and about 95% are under 27-28. So younger probably tends to indicate less experience, which in turn means fewer bad experiences and also less time to build up a stronger yearning for or (in some cases) something more akin to frustration in their search.
> 
> ...or perhaps UFOs have come and spirited away almost all FFAs past their 22nd birthday.



I've too noticed that most of the thinner FFAs on this board are younger. It could simply be that most find their BHM by the time they reach 30 and are just too busy with familial obligations to frequent forums.


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 7, 2008)

I confess that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was grumbling about FA's under my breath before I even logged on. My posts contained an agenda to chastize FA's for complaining about a view of them that they perpetuate by remaining silent and comfortable in their complacency. I was thinking about how the gay community coined the phrase "We're here, we're queer, we won't disappear" which did much to begin change in the way homesexuality is viewed today. As much as I adore the wonderful FA's we have on Dimensions I do get tired of patting their hands and shielding them from a reality that I've had to look dead in the eye since the day of my birth. I feel bitter that I'm continually soiled by this reality while they whine for us to keep them clean, dry and reassured. I have issues and a personal agenda that I'm sure tainted my responses in the forum. I'm sorry I'm going on about this but it just makes me so angry. I apologize if my posts may have twisted the knife a bit too much. The attitudes among FA's just doesn't translate the same for FFA's. You don't hear the insane persecution complexes laid out in plain view here that you see in the BBW forums. The whiny bitch crying in the forums gets to me and that particular thread hit a raw nerve. I was grinding my teeth tryng not to say something I would be sorry for. 




Dr. P Marshall said:


> And you know I love to hear what you think even if it's gloom and doom.  I have calmed down considerably since I read the article, and I've thought a lot about what it was that bothered me. The thing about Dimensions is, we have a very large collection of F/FA compared to anywhere in the "real world." And while that means that there are lots of skulking types, there are also a lot of the best on here too. Most people who actively participate on the boards have made a commitment to their FAdom(again, not really a word) that goes beyond just looking at pictures and having fantasies. And since those are the type of people who read the threads, those are the type of people who will be most sensitive to negative representations of F/FAs. I honestly think every thoughtful F/FA knows exactly what the woman in that article was talking about. And also situations like Lilly mentioned about her friend. That's exactly why so many of us have wrestled with coming to terms with our attraction. That's also why, at least on this board, so many of the FFAs are just thankful to find other women like them and find out that they are not freaks, or purely obsessed with the physical. I'm pretty sure the group of FAs that all the BBW seem to agree are good guys feel the same way. We get comfortable here. A lot of us spend a lot of time here and so when reality comes crashing into our safe haven, it can be a little tough to take at first. So while yes, we are sympathetic to how hard it can be for BBW and BHM when they encounter a rotten F/FA, there are times when you just want to scream "Am I really going to have to carry the burden of every jackass that came before me just because I'm attracted to the same type of person?" I think this is far more true of the FAs than the FFAs, by the way. I think the BHM seem to have fewer problems with us. And I certainly understand how the BBW feel about the bad FAs, but I can see why the good guys would want the reassurance that it doesn't apply to them.


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## fat hiker (Jan 7, 2008)

edx said:


> A lot have also said that while they are very in control in regular life, having a BHM be dominant in the bedroom would be a big turn-on. For me, those are things that are turn-offs, more or less. That is, I dont like holding blatant power, nor being seen as a physically dominating presence. I dont think it would be enough to make me swear off of FFA, but I can imagine how it could make me hesitant, thinking if she says she is an FFA, then really what she wants is a big hulking male presence, so we are never going to want the same sort of relationship in that regard.



Ed, I hear ya. My wife, so in control in the rest of her life, would prefer me to be dominating in the bedroom - but I don't have that role anywhere else in life, and I don't like holding blatant power (what a great phrase). So we compromise. Curiously, she's also into jabbing and tweaking...


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 8, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> I confess that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was grumbling about FA's under my breath before I even logged on. My posts contained an agenda to chastize FA's for complaining about a view of them that they perpetuate by remaining silent and comfortable in their complacency. I was thinking about how the gay community coined the phrase "We're here, we're queer, we won't disappear" which did much to begin change in the way homesexuality is viewed today. As much as I adore the wonderful FA's we have on Dimensions I do get tired of patting their hands and shielding them from a reality that I've had to look dead in the eye since the day of my birth. I feel bitter that I'm continually soiled by this reality while they whine for us to keep them clean, dry and reassured. I have issues and a personal agenda that I'm sure tainted my responses in the forum. I'm sorry I'm going on about this but it just makes me so angry. I apologize if my posts may have twisted the knife a bit too much. The attitudes among FA's just doesn't translate the same for FFA's. You don't hear the insane persecution complexes laid out in plain view here that you see in the BBW forums. The whiny bitch crying in the forums gets to me and that particular thread hit a raw nerve. I was grinding my teeth tryng not to say something I would be sorry for.




I understand you. And, for the record, I have been known to call out "closeted" FAs myself. What hit a nerve with me about the article was that I really didn't like the author's attitude that all FAs were somehow a lower caliber of man out of hand. I think that was more what got me upset. It seemed like such a blanket form of prejudice. But I also understand that it can be hard to take seriously a group of people being upset about one article that hurts them, when BBW and BHM have to face far worse far more often, and sometimes by the very people who were complaining. I also understand that while it's very easy to be vocal about being a proud F/FA on the boards, if in real life we sink into the background, then we're not really putting our money where our mouths are.


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## stefanie (Jan 8, 2008)

Melian said:


> There's a thread on the main board right now in which the OP presents an article (written by a former BBW) that basically states that FAs are creepy. An interesting discussion developed, so I thought I'd ask a similar question here...



Since I am as far out of dating as it's possible to be while still breathing, I don't have any idea of what fat women are experiencng re: any male creepiness. My guess is that it's probably not just fat women who are getting an overdose of creepiness. Nor do I think it's peculiar to men who like fat women. 

But men and women *are* different in how they react to sexuality. The vast porn industry is aimed at men, largely. While there *are* women who show predatory or aggressive behavior towards men, my guess would be it's less likely. Even when women are more aggressive, most men probably aren't terribly threatened by it.

There are some generational differences too. I think my generation (baby boomer) tended to have more sex ("generation of love," baby), but younger people tend to talk about it and be more open about it on the internet. Also, when I was dating, it would have never occurred to me to prod, poke, slap at, play-fight, etc. with a guy. I'm not criticizing those who do - I recognize it's a different era with some different rules. Under some circumstances those behaviors on the part of women might be seen (by some men) as "creepy."

But in the end, to me, treating a person *only* as a body (be it fat or model-thin) can disturb other people. Guys may want to sow their stereotypical wild oats, but most people eventually want to be loved *for themselves.* The body can change rapidly and radically through life (childbirth, illness, aging) and what's left is what's important.

So I guess it's possible for women to show "creepy" behavior too - i.e. to act only as if they're living out a pornographic fantasy, not being concerned with the real people involved - but IMO it's probably less likely, because of the differences between men and women (regardless of what we think are the origins of those differences.)


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## BigFusionNYC (Jan 18, 2008)

In my personal experience I have met FFA's online and FOR THE MOST PART and I am not judging anyone here, as I mean like years ago before dimforums and such, and frankly I don't see any of them on the DimForum currently, were basically just looking to fulfill some desire online regarding their attraction to fat men. I noticed that they were just looking for chats, pics, vids, webcamming and so on with the heavier men and not really interested in actually dating one.

The FFA's I have met in real life (mostly after meeting online) have been pretty nice, but something has not just clicked with most of them. Other times I've gone on to have nice relationships. 

As for meeting an FFA irl, I have never had one come up to me and say "hello" or anything. So I really can't say that I have had good or bad experiences because it has been Zero. 

Sometimes I feel that some of the FFA's I have encountered in the past were basically more interested in my weight, more than me, which is why the relationships did not last long. Other relationships I've had have been with women that are not FFA's but liked me for me.

Either way it's all confusing...


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## ~da rev~ (Jan 18, 2008)

I find it hard to find an FFA in public. Its sad that a lot of them are ashamed of the fact that they like bigger dudes. I know there are a lot more out there than people think, due to that exact fact of shyness or the feeling that its not right. Which is why I think I've been having trouble finding the FFA's in real life.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Jan 18, 2008)

Ok, I'm gonna put this out there, because I feel like I have to say something.

As a FFA, I've met guys in bars, in clubs, at the comic book store...the last 2 guys I dated I met online. Neither of them through this board, and neither through a site specifically designed for people of size.

My current guy, we dated for a year or so the first time around and things just didn't work out, we remained friends and I started dating my now ex. We still occasionally talk, but he caught on really quick that I was attracted to his size. Not that I was dating him solely because of it, or that I was dating him despite his size. It was actually freeing to let him know that. Before him I don't think I ever dated anyone who flat out asked me...as he so eloquently put it. "you're a chubby chaser aren't you?" 

The thing is, there's more to it than that. For years I dated guys and I'd say I liked them the way they were, only to be met with opposition, having them think I was "just being nice" etc etc etc. 

My guy now knows, since we got back together, that I prefer BHMs. He knows, though at times I think he questions my sanity, that I like watching him undress. That I love looking at him, touching him, etc.

So, speaking for myself...I think sometimes it's not that we're ashamed to let people know. It's just sometimes other people, friends, and family SUCK. I had people in my family say, You could do so much better than him. Or I don't know what you see in him, but he is a nice guy. Or, some other version of the two. It's irritating as hell. Also, some guys kinda freak a little when they know that's what you like. Sometimes they get think you want them to gain and won't be happy unless they do so. While there may be gaining fantasy going on or even desire to see such...relationships go deeper than that. Basing a relationship simply on physical attraction is just as unbalanced as trying to work out a relationship with someone you have no physical attraction two. You need mental connection as well as physical (at least on some level) Or maybe that's just me.

Ok this went on longer than I intended. Sorry about that.


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## rabbitislove (Jan 20, 2008)

I've never gotten "creepy" per-say, just "Oh look at that desperate girl" or "Wow, she doesn't have any self esteem, she's too pretty to be with him", or all that bullshit. I frankly think it's jealousy, because I, for the most part, end up with the big handsome hotties I pursue. Some aren't attracted to me, some can't date me for religious reasons [I'm addicted to sin baby, my middle name might as well be Vegas.] However, and correct me if I'm wrong, thats the dating pool for EVERYONE.

I have been known to weird out the BHMs. And besides my younger religious friend [who was pretty shocked when I began feeling him on my couch, making size positive come ons too, and possibly taking his Canadian ID while in his teeth into my teeth freaked him out; I need to step off the god-children with my raging hormones...] well guys know women aren't supposed to feel this way about chubsters, even if they are smokin' hot. And I'm forward. Not in a creepy way, but I will openly say "Fat guys are hot". I will let it be known. My current ex even had the gall to ask if I'd still love him if he lost weight. :doh:

And many BHMs I encounter aren't ready for that, nor have they come far enough in working past our societies damage on their self esteem to handle it. So for those who aren't ready, I might come off a little creepy. But its not me, its you.

In the meantime, I suggest you all tell me how Rabbit Vegas IsLove sounds. I would change my name, but I would lose my cans. And as my rep post will tell you, goddamn I love those cans.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 20, 2008)

rabbitislove said:


> But its not me, its you.
> 
> In the meantime, I suggest you all tell me how Rabbit Vegas IsLove sounds. I would change my name, but I would lose my cans. And as my rep post will tell you, goddamn I love those cans.



Dammit RabbitVegasIsLove! I can't rep you again yet!!!:doh:

The future Dr. P Marshall-VegasIsLove


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## cute_obese_girl (Jan 20, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> Dammit RabbitVegasIsLove! I can't rep you again yet!!!:doh:
> 
> The future Dr. P Marshall-VegasIsLove



Repped for you.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 20, 2008)

cute_obese_girl said:


> Repped for you.



And for that you have been repped my friend


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## rabbitislove (Jan 20, 2008)

And the Lord looked down on the reppage, and he saw it was good


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## Wanderer (Jan 21, 2008)

Well, I've only ever met one FFA in real life, and thanks to her schedule we've only ever been out on one date. (sigh) Don't you just hate Real Life sometimes?

That said, I'm a pretty physical guy. I love being poked, squeezed, hugged and caressed. I'm admittedly a little small compared to most of the BHMs around here (270 pounds at 5'10"), but I'm a gainer; weight will come with food and time.

Overall, I like FFAs. You lovely ladies (and make no mistake, you _are_ lovely) give me hopeful dreams of love, sex and marriage. Of hearing a woman talk "dirty talk" about what a huge, fat slob I am during foreplay, and maybe taking turns as the dominant partner. Of feeling a squeeze on my lovehandles as a prelude to a kiss...

(cough) Pardon. I've always been a hopeless romantic in some respects. All I mean to say is, FFAs are great.


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Jan 21, 2008)

Believe it or not I've known a few different FFA's. Two were affirmed and one I don't know if she was aware she was, but the past 3 guys she dated were all big guys. I don't think any of them were creepy at all and I'm not quite sure what would constitute creepiness in the sense of having a body type preference. Are people not allowed to like different things without being chastised for it? However, I did not read the article so I cannot directly address the topic at hand, only what I read from the thread.


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 21, 2008)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> Believe it or not I've known a few different FFA's. Two were affirmed and one I don't know if she was aware she was, but the past 3 guys she dated were all big guys. I don't think any of them were creepy at all and I'm not quite sure what would constitute creepiness in the sense of having a body type preference. Are people not allowed to like different things without being chastised for it? However, I did not read the article so I cannot directly address the topic at hand, only what I read from the thread.



The article was about a woman who had weight loss surgery and claims part of the reason she did it was because FA's were creepy. It's struck a nerve and at last count three new posts popped up as a direct result of the feelings evoked in the first one. It's out of control but yeah, a lot of people seem to be coming across as equating an attraction to something as a fixation on something and that's why they don't like FA's so it's making us wonder if the perception is the same with BHMs. 

The Cliff Notes version for you. :bow:


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## William (Jan 21, 2008)

Hi Lilly 

I definitely have found that BHMs (men in general) are more creepy than FFAs. For a example when ever there is a post on the BHM/FFA board that makes me think WTF!!

It is being posted by a guy 

Of course there are exceptions, but not many. 

William



LillyBBBW said:


> The article was about a woman who had weight loss surgery and claims part of the reason she did it was because FA's were creepy. It's struck a nerve and at last count three new posts popped up as a direct result of the feelings evoked in the first one. It's out of control but yeah, a lot of people seem to be coming across as equating an attraction to something as a fixation on something and that's why they don't like FA's so it's making us wonder if the perception is the same with BHMs.
> 
> The Cliff Notes version for you. :bow:


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## Love.Metal (Jan 23, 2008)

I'm sure this will not add anything useful to the thread, but I feel I should at least say SOMEthing.

As an FFA, I have sometimes thought of _myself_ as being creepy, just because I have felt rather misunderstood regarding the whole issue. My friends all know that I love fat boys, the bigger the better. But that doesnt mean that random new people finding out are as accepting of my...preference. I have gotten some rather scathing looks, actually...I think a lot of people think that I'm making it up. They all seem to ask the same questions, and then give me doubtful glances. 

I'd love to say that I have thick skin and that those people don't bother me, but it does get to me. I struggle with my attraction sometimes still, even though I have known I like fat men since I was four years old. So it is normal for me to feel like an oddity, because I have never met another FFA in person. And if I have, she kept it very well hidden.
It seems creepy for me sometimes when I catch myself drooling over fat guys in public, but then I guess it's no diffrent than if I liked thin guys and stared at them. Society is just more tolerant of the "skinny-chasers" than they are of us who perfer to chase those chubby ones.

So I don't think FFA's are creepy. I would love to meet another one in person someday, because I think it would make it seem more real to me. Proof that you're not the only one of _anything_ on the planet is always a good thing. 

Ramble, ramble ramble...


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## user 23567 (Jan 24, 2008)

I don't think FFA's are creepy. Although, I've never met one (not to my knowledge) so unless they are green with eight legs and no face, then I'm cool with them.

People are can't help who they're attracted to--so more power to them.


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## BHMluver (Jan 25, 2008)

AZ_Wolf said:


> had before -- and this was when I was still fit.
> <<
> ...or perhaps UFOs have come and spirited away almost all FFAs past their 22nd birthday.>>



R.O.T.F.L.P.M!!!!!! (rolling on the floor laughing peeing myself)

It seems the mother ship has somehow missed this 42 year old FFA.

It's interesting you should articulate what I have been trying to put my finger on since initially finding this group. Often I've felt like I perhaps might be more vocal however; since I'm a good 20 years older than most of the FFAs here, perhaps my perspective is different?


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## BHMluver (Jan 25, 2008)

fat hiker said:


> Ed, I hear ya. My wife, so in control in the rest of her life, would prefer me to be dominating in the bedroom - but I don't have that role anywhere else in life, and I don't like holding blatant power (what a great phrase). So we compromise. Curiously, she's also into jabbing and tweaking...



Oh, I fear this is going to raise some eyebrows but here I go...rape fantasies are very common among women. (O.K., calm down everyone, these are FANTASIES. Actual rape is a horrific, brutal violation and I, personally, feel convicted rapists should be castrated and slowly killed....but that's an other issue. <stepping off soapbox now>)

So, in view of this, perhaps it is not the size so much as the concept of restraint that these women like? Almost like a little "spanky"...if you know what I mean? Then again, I love big men and I love a little "spanky" now and again. Hmmm, shall we do a poll on the potential correlation?


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 25, 2008)

AZ_Wolf said:


> ...or perhaps UFOs have come and spirited away almost all FFAs past their 22nd birthday.





grady said:


> so unless they are green with eight legs and no face, then I'm cool with them.




grady,
You weren't supposed to tell!! That's what we look like once we return to the mother ship on our 22nd birthday!!!


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## Fatgator (Jan 25, 2008)

Eh, I could get down with an 8 legged FFA alien.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 25, 2008)

BHMluver said:


> Oh, I fear this is going to raise some eyebrows but here I go...rape fantasies are very common among women. O.K., calm down everyone, these are FANTASIES.



I think that could be part of it for some, but for me it's not really about dominance per se. I like fat men, therefore, the idea of a BHM putting his weight on me would pretty much mean I'm going to be surrounded by and enjoying the feeling of something I am very attracted to. His weight on me just reminds me of how big he really is, but I'm not really seeing that as his ability to overpower me or anything(even if in reality that is most likely very true.)


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## user 23567 (Jan 25, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> grady,
> You weren't supposed to tell!! That's what we look like once we return to the mother ship on our 22nd birthday!!!



LOL @ Dr. P 

<---:wubu: loves women w/ sense of humor


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## Dr. P Marshall (Jan 25, 2008)

grady said:


> LOL @ Dr. P
> 
> <---:wubu: loves women w/ sense of humor



Well, I'm a sucker for a compliment so I guess I won't destroy you with my intergalactic phaser after all.:blush:


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## user 23567 (Jan 25, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> Well, I'm a sucker for a compliment so I guess I won't destroy you with my intergalactic phaser after all.:blush:



Thank you. 

*googles intergalactic phaser insurance coverage, just in case*


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## Fatgator (Jan 25, 2008)

grady said:


> Thank you.
> 
> *googles intergalactic phaser insurance coverage, just in case*




^---whoa, that is exactly the kind of insurance agency I own...I cover everything from phaser wounds to poking torture (FFA's seem to like this one most). It's called Unidentified Fat Admirer Insurance (UFAI). Give me a ring, 1-800-FFA-UFAI.


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## user 23567 (Jan 25, 2008)

Fatgator said:


> ^---whoa, that is exactly the kind of insurance agency I own...I cover everything from phaser wounds to poking torture (FFA's seem to like this one most). It's called Unidentified Fat Admirer Insurance (UFAI). Give me a ring, 1-800-FFA-UFAI.


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## IwannabeVERYfat (Jan 25, 2008)

I like your avatar grady


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## user 23567 (Jan 25, 2008)

IwannabeVERYfat said:


> I like your avatar grady



Hey thanks. I jacked it from someone else. It fit my name better


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## BHMluver (Jan 26, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> I think that could be part of it for some, but for me it's not really about dominance per se. I like fat men, therefore, the idea of a BHM putting his weight on me would pretty much mean I'm going to be surrounded by and enjoying the feeling of something I am very attracted to. His weight on me just reminds me of how big he really is, but I'm not really seeing that as his ability to overpower me or anything(even if in reality that is most likely very true.)



Well put. We FFAs are not shy; we'll tag out if we can't breathe!


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## babette (Feb 2, 2008)

i just wanted to say that i'm thin and i like my guys big. and its the size difference that turns me on. i like to feel protected and take care of. but i like to 'protect' them and take care of them. 
to squeeze somebody's belly in public is like playing with your girlfriends' tits in front of everybody. first, not everybody wants to see that. second, and more important, it's the matter of respect. so i think its up to person as individual not ffas in general. or women in general


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## Saxphon (Feb 4, 2008)

My ideas on FFAer's ......
Well, I read about them, so they must exsist. I see them chat on the boards here, and I assume they are all real people. I have even read some stories here at Dimensions that fantasize about it. But I have never had the pleasure to meet one in person. Not sure what I would do. I guess it would be really fun spending time with someone that enjoyed watching me enjoy my meals, and maybe gain a few pounds. And too, it would be nice to see if they would join me in the excitement (enjoying their meals too). But so far, the few people that have chatted with me have never come forward with that they are FFAs. I would hope that someday I would be able to be around an FFA. It actually might be rather exciting.

They must all exsist - somewhere else than where I exsist. So, I know that doesn't solve anything. Just my observation.


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## Bacchus (Feb 5, 2008)

(Hello madian post. Sorry to be an uninitiated NOob chiming in.)


I've never had any experience with 'outed' FFA's,that I'm aware of. Such a thing seems like the relm of folklore and myth in the same vein as bigfoot or el chupacarbra
or WMD's. I can however draw parallels between experiences with woman who've found my attractive inspite of or because of my size. One incident that clearly comes to mind is the day an old friend of mine from high school shows back up in town after a leave of absence. 

She found out where I was living at the moment showed up at my door and invited herself in. We got to talking had a drink and the next thing I know she was confessing her love for me. This was shocking to me, and not in a good why like "oh look there's a fifty just laying on the side walk." or even "Oh thats the reason you shouldn't stick a fork in the toaster." I mean it was utterly disturbing. It was like opening a bucket of Häagen-Dazs only to find it empty and with a human head in it. 

I immediately started trying to come up with 'logical' reasons as to why she would say this. I thought maybe it's the booze, but this couldn't have been it. Who losses their mind after one drink? Then I thought maybe this is a joke the urgentness in her voice suggested otherwise. I postulated a recent break up may have drove her to the brink of sanity, and thats what I stuck with. 

Meanwhile while I was trying to formulated these logical explanations to this illogical event this horrible silence was screaming throught the room. She just stood there staring at me. So I lauged at it a changed the subject. She looked hurt asked me if I didn't hear her. I said yes and thought she was joking. She said she wasn't and I replied that I didn't believe her. We got in a argument then she left. 

The irony of this whole situation being that I was at one time very very close to this person and had a crush on her that went deeper than a crush,if you understand my meaning, yet when finally offered what I had always wanted I rejected it. Primarily out of fear. I called her back and she ventured upon the subject agian and I derailed it once more she finally got the hint and we spent four hours on the phone talking about asinine little BS the human beings always feel the need to bring up because they are to cowardly to say what's in their hearts. 

She left four days later to go back down south and we haven't spoken since. Anyway the point to this whole long winded rant is this: I don't think it's so much the impressions or personalities of FFA's that might potentially weird out BHM. I think it's the attitudes and self-esteem issues that most of us have with ourselves. A subtle or otherwise self loathing ,self depreciating mind set. That might make it hard for FFA's to crack through. I mean you have to feel sorry for them many of us are damaged goods.

Oh on the subject of poking, pinching ect I've found that to be true with many of my interactions with females. It comes of as flirtious play to me. I very much enjoy it in fact. Even the display of superior force one shows when play wrestling. It's invigorating playfully over powering a girl, and I must admitted they seem to feel free to do this because they think I can't be easily injured which of course they're right and a small female can do little to hurt someone of my size. Just simple physics. Some said that some FFA's enjoy the idea of being with a powerful partner I find that fascinating because I've always found it extermly erotic and comforting to over shadow a smaller female, to be such an imposing presences as to make her seem so tiny. I like it when my size makes her small.

Sorry for the long winded post.


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## Melian (Feb 6, 2008)

Bacchus said:


> (Hello madian post. Sorry to be an uninitiated NOob chiming in.)
> 
> No worries, hon. Good to have you.
> 
> ...



You know, I think this might be why FFAs seem so elusive to a lot of guys. You don't see us because you don't want to see us, or CAN'T see us. Also, if an FFA receives this kind of response once or twice, she's going to learn to keep her desires to herself. It's not anyone's fault...but it's everyone's fault at the same time. 

Thanks for posting your thoughts; it was an interesting read.


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## Surlysomething (Feb 6, 2008)

Very overt, desperate sexuality bothers me with the FFA's i've encountered, online and real life. 

Mind you, that bothers me in all walks of life. There's a time and a place and 24/7 isn't one of them.


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## imfree (Feb 6, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> I read that article earlier today, and immediately went for a walk. While I can understand the author's feelings based on her experiences, I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting some. Especially since the OP said he got it in a very liberal, progressive magazine. I can understand his need to be reassured that FAdom does not make one a creep.
> 
> To be perfectly candid, I've always known I was attracted to bigger men(and boys when I was younger), and most of the men I've dated have been at least a little heavier. But it actually took me a really long time to come to terms with the fact that I am not attracted to thin/fit men. Especially because, as a lifelong athlete/martial artist, I've been around lots of them. It also doesn't help that mainstream society refers to us as "fat fetishists." I haven't heard too many women referred to as "blond fetishists" or "washboard ab fetishists" lately. I'll even be brutally honest here and admit that I found Dimensions in a less than politically correct way. I broke down and looked up fat fetishism, learned the term BHM and a google search brought me here. Once I got here, however, everything changed. This place has made me feel good about it, finally.
> 
> ...



That's a beautiful post, Dr. P. Marshall. I can't rep you yet.
Somebody please rep the lady for me!


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