# Passing of my Wife....



## daephoto (Jan 4, 2009)

Most of you have heard the passing of my wife, Sherry Eckert last Tuesday. Thank you to those who posted on the board. Yes, I'm having a very difficult time, we were married almost 27 years and on our 25th anniversary, with Sherry in the nursing home, no one, including her family did anything for us. 

Why am I bring this up now, you ask? Nancy Harber posted that Sherry was sick and going in a nursing home back in February 2007. She received about six cards, some with checks in them( I'm sorry to those who sent money and I didn't get around to thanking them ) and a few a month later. I devoted the next 2 and a half years to her and also she was in and out of the hospitals 15 TIMES!!!! 

What happened next is why I am so ANGRY, MAD, UPSET, and other words that I can't use here. Sherry and myself were abandoned. Her church, family, friends, NAAFA, all left us. No one called or came to visit her or even myself for that matter. Sure, the doctors put her in a home that was a hour and 20 minutes from our house, but still, that no excuse not to see someone you care about. 

Sherry gave me permission to go to the 2007 Convention in Chicago because she could see I needed a rest. After all the years Sherry worked with NAAFA, organizing the SUPERSIG, publishing 14 years of the SUPERWOMAN newsletter, I contacted a board member about six weeks before the Conv. to see if they could honor Sherry with a piece of paper thanking her for the years of service to NAAFA. I then went to Chicago with 8 very large boxes of items for the Auction, raffle prizes, goody bags. I left after a day and a half at the convention due to memories and feeling lonely. 

To this day, I have yet to receive anything from NAAFA, no thank you for all the items donated, and I even sent back all the tickets from the conven. and my membership card and still no response. But I am so PISSED that the BOARD members could not honor Sherry for all her hard work for 14 years. It's a year and a half and now she's DEAD, thank you very much. 

Also, while I was in Chicago, Sherry wanted me to see what happened to clothes she ordered 4 or 5 years ago that she paid many hundreds of dollars for. Invitation to the Dance is no longer in business and SSR was not there. 

Sherry knew I would do this, but I would like to apologize for my rant. I'm going to miss Sherry so much, it hurts not to see her any more. The only blessing that happened before she became unresponsive the next day, the night before I told her I loved her and she responded that she loved me too and that was the last words she said. 

To the NAAFA members Sherry and I know, we miss you and love you. Thank you DON ECKERT 

My phone # if anyone wants to call is.... 314-504-2067


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## No-No-Badkitty (Jan 4, 2009)

I don't even know what to say.

I am sorry...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 4, 2009)

So very sorry for your loss.


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## Ruby Ripples (Jan 4, 2009)

I'm so terribly sorry to hear of your loss. How awful for you that your wife was not recognised officially for her hard work and dedication to a good cause, and that you were let down by people at the time you needed some friendship and support. I know its probably of little comfort, but Im sure she will be remembered in people's hearts for the good things she did and they will remember her only in positive ways. 

I can't imagine what grief you are feeling just now, and I really hope you get through this terribly sad time, somehow. My deepest condolences to you.


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## Ned Sonntag (Jan 4, 2009)

I think that the oldest NAAFA Newsletter I have in the house(no clue which box it's in now)has a photo of Don and Sherry dressed up in formal garb on the front page. I don't know who's left at NAAFA who remembers the founding era... 
Oddly I have just awoken from a rare and strange dream of my late wife, giving an impromptu lecture from a wheelchair in a shadowy hall to an audience of male fans... hang in there Don, you've racked up a lifetime of good karma for good deeds done...


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## Miss Vickie (Jan 4, 2009)

This is just so sad. I'm sorry, Don.  Nobody deserves to be thrown away like that, particularly someone who did as much as Sherry did. I hope her passing was peaceful and I wish for you healing and good memories to cherish.


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## Fascinita (Jan 4, 2009)

I'm sorry to read about your loss, Don. I hope life will be kinder to you soon. Take good care of yourself.


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## tonynyc (Jan 4, 2009)

Don sorry for your loss


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## wrestlingguy (Jan 4, 2009)

I do not know you, sir. We've never had the pleasure of meeting, but I know well of your wife's efforts in NAAFA.

Reading your post, I feel your pain. I can only keep you in my thoughts & prayers during your time of loss.

I won't editorialize here, except to say that this organization in my opinion, died long before your wife's passing.

She will be missed, and should be considered a pioneer in the movement.


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## stan_der_man (Jan 4, 2009)

My condolences Don, for the loss of your wife. I never met you or your wife, but I do recognize your wife's name from NAAFA newsletters many years ago. I recently also lost my sister, so I can somewhat relate to the loneliness of loosing a family member, if not that of a spouse. As long as the memory of your wife lives on in your heart, and the good deeds the two of you have done are remembered by you, at very least you will take that wherever you go, even if others don't remember.


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## Sugar (Jan 4, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## moore2me (Jan 4, 2009)

Dear Don,

I know you are grieving for your wife and I feel heartbroken along with you. Your letter in the DIMS Forum is so sad and yet it should make all of us feel lousy for treating any of our friends of relatives like yesterdays garbage and leaving them to rot in a nursing home. I did not know your wife, but I have relatives in a nursing home and yes, I do not visit them enough. After reading your letter tho, I will change my ways. We just get too caught up in the stupid, useless, details of life and dont take time out to do the really important things  visiting people who are housebound or in nursing homes. Or taking time to thank people who have made important contributions like Sherry did with NAAFA.

Unfortunately, what happened to Sherry is not an isolated incident. Too often, people are dropped like hot rocks when they become useless or liabilities. This is not right, it is not Christian, it is not a moral way to treat people  but, it happens every day. There are millions of older Americans or disabled younger people like your wife right now in nursing homes or assisted living facilities who would are waiting for outside human contact. And we shouldnt fool ourselves by denial either, sooner or later, many of us too, may be in the same situation. 

We dont visit people in nursing homes because we are uncomfortable with the image of what has happened to that person. We dont like the sights, the smells, the crazy old people there. This should not be an excuse to abandon a friend or a loved one to isolation  studies have shown that people in institutions fare better if family or friends display interest in the clients case. If its too far to visit in person, write a letter, or send a card on occasion.

I was not a member of NAAFA during the time in question when Sherry did major work to assist the movement and help organize activities and contributions, so I cannot comment on that directly. I just know that many others have made similar comments about working with other groups. What happened to Sherry is not unique. I have experienced it myself as well in working with statewide organizations and seen it happen to others too. Don, to help alleviate your grief, I can say that my work with groups was done on a volunteer basis and I really did not expect any glory or special thanks. And  that was good, because I got just what I expected. This phenomenon has been around for a long time. Heres one of my favorite quotes from Shakespeares Julius Caesar, The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.


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## superodalisque (Jan 4, 2009)

i'm really sorry for your loss. even though i didn't/don't know either of you personally i want to thank you for everything you tried to do together that benefited the rest of us. i'm so sorry you felt alone. i think we all need to be careful not to take for granted people who have tried so hard for the rest of us. you both are part of the reason things have improved as much as they have. you will be in my thoughts. hopefully people will learn something from this situtation and never let it happen again.

big hugs


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## goofy girl (Jan 4, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers to you and your family.


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## kathynoon (Jan 4, 2009)

Don, I am so sorry for your loss. I learned a lot from the SuperSIG. I still have some of the old newsletters.

Living in NJ, I only saw Sherry at the conventions. She was an amazing woman. She will be missed.


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## Leesa (Jan 4, 2009)

Life is so unfair!


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## kinkykitten (Jan 4, 2009)

So sorry for your loss  

Stay strong


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## AnnMarie (Jan 4, 2009)

Don, I am so sorry for your tremendous loss, but also for your lingering anger and frustration. I can't imagine how it feels to be treated like that after the years of service and support that you and Sherry gave. 

I wish I could say that the issues you mention were surprising to me, but after the treatment I've seen given people who've sacrificed personal time, effort, sanity, and finances to support such a ridiculously hijacked organization.... there is nothing that shocks me anymore. 

I'm sorry, and I hope that you find people and places to lean during this time of need. Dimensions, while obviously not the place you're used to leaning, can be a source of great support and kinship if you'd ever like to give it a try going forward. 

I'm glad you vented, and I hope it helped even a little bit.


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## steely (Jan 4, 2009)

I'm so very sorry for your pain.Words cannot express my sorrow for your loss.


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## DeniseW (Jan 4, 2009)

Don, I am so sorry for your loss, Sherry was truly a great woman, I remember meeting her for the first time in 1992, she truly inspired me and I think the way NAAFA has treated her as well as you is an abomination!!! I don't think the original founders had any intention of NAAFA being represented in this way, it breaks my heart...


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 4, 2009)

Don, my sincere condolences. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now, and, even more so, the anger and hurt you must be feeling right now. I'm glad you came here - you have many friends here (old and new) who are here to support you, regardless of what you need. Take care, and be gentle with yourself.


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## imfree (Jan 5, 2009)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Don, my sincere condolences. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now, and, even more so, the anger and hurt you must be feeling right now. I'm glad you came here - you have many friends here (old and new) who are here to support you, regardless of what you need. Take care, and be gentle with yourself.



You have my highest sympathy for your loss, Don, and 
what happened to you and Sherry certainly was
unthinkable. I send prayers and healing thoughts to you.


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## Shosh (Jan 5, 2009)

I was sorry to read of the passing of your wife. It must be so hard for you as you were married for so long. The pain of losing her must run very deep.
The pictures that your friend posted of your wife were very nice. She was pretty.

It is really awful when the friends and family that you would expect to rally around you at such a time, stay away.
As for NAAFA, I believe that they should honor the contribution that your wife made to the organization.
From what I am hearing about NAAFA, they are alienating many in the size acceptance community, the very community they are supposed to represent and advocate for. At this rate they may very well become obsolete.

Sorry for your loss Don.

Shosh


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## Brenda (Jan 5, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss and that your family and friends did not support you during this painful time.

Brenda


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Jan 5, 2009)

I wish I could say something more significant than a simple offering of my condolences, for I can imagine that no words offered from a stranger could even begin to heal your heart.

But despite that, you and your wife will be in my prayers.


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## Make_Lunch_Not_War (Jan 5, 2009)

It would be the understatement of the year to say that you and your wife, Sherry, were instrumental in both NAAFA as well as the socialization of supersize people. Although it's been 20 years since I was a member of NAAFA, I remember all the work your wife did to bring self-esteem and pride to a group of people who lived most of their lives without experiencing either. In many ways you and your wife laid the foundation for not only DIMS but for all the social clubs and events that supersize people are now able to experience.

My sincere condolences on your loss. May it encourage you to know that your wife is in a much better place and that wherever she is, she still spreading the message that fat people deserve all the love and respect that they can possibly experience (and we can experience a lot).


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## Webmaster (Jan 5, 2009)

I think most of us in the size acceptance movement know of Sherry's great contributions to the movement and especially her work with the SuperSIG which she started and ran for many years. In fact, the SuperSIG and the FA-SIG, which later became Dimensions, started the exact same time. As I posted elsewhere, Sherry and her story were featured in an early issue of Dimensions. She was a beautiful, very special, kind and gentle woman with a great sense of humor and a no-nonsense approach to life.

I am so sorry you feel deserted, Don. You must have gone through horribly difficult times, and you and Sherry certainly deserved better. Unfortunately, NAAFA has a long history of discarding its best volunteers like so much trash. It is one of the organization's lesser sides. However, I am certain that Sherry is fondly remembered by many, and that her work and the difference she made in the lives of so many will not be forgotten. 

If you still have mementos that you would like to share, I'd be honored to put up a page in Sherry's memory so that people remember who she was and what she did for fat women everywhere.


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## Deidrababe (Jan 6, 2009)

Don, 

I was so sorry to hear of Sherry's passing. She was a strong and wonderful person who I enjoyed chatting with at conventions in the past. I too met her in 1992 in Boston.

It really sucks that NAAFA couldn't have put her name on a piece of paper with a simple "thanks" when you went to Chicago, but.....that just is what NAAFA has turned into. They don't say thank you. They don't care if you are not a member any more - and the don't care WHY you are not a member any more! (You being all of us who are no longer members!!)

It's just sad that an organization that Sherry cared about so much seems to have gone "there" - by becoming uncaring, unsupportive and unable to give thanks to those who so truly deserve it.

You are in my thoughts!

Big Hug,

Deidra Daley-Everett


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## Still a Skye fan (Jan 6, 2009)

My deepest sympathies and condolences on your loss, sir.


All the best


Dennis


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## SocialbFly (Jan 7, 2009)

Don, try to be good to yourself while you mourn the passing of your partner. I am so sorry your friends were unable to be there for you. while i am not making excuses it is not unheard of for those battling a disease that will ultimately take them to feel deserted by those they held closest.

Know that many know of or heard of the good work you and Sherry did, I know i have passed by you and your wife, several times in the size acceptance movement in St Louis...and many of us knew of you both and held you in high esteem.

Be gentle on yourself and know that people are just weak and dont know what to say when someone's end is coming.

Hugs to you, and may you find comfort in those facts.


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## Theatrmuse/Kara (Jan 8, 2009)

Hi Don..............Sorry it has taken me a few days to post. I have been very ill with a bladder infection and kind of out of it. I also needed some time to take all of this in..........

I have been thinking of you and Sherry almost constantly since I learned she had passed. What comes to my mind first is...your committment and love to each other...it was and still is amazing and a wonderful example to others of a good marriage and partnership in so many ways.

Secondly I am thankful for the time Sherry (and you) have given for NAAFA and the encouragement for those of us who fall under the "supersize" category. Her leadership for the Supersized SIG shows greatly as I don't believe there has BEEN anything such as it used to be since she was unable to do it! I have not been directly involved with NAAFA for a few years now and there may be a supersized SIG group that I am unaware of existing.

David and I both loved Sherry and have always admired you. Please know that like Diane said so eloquently above............sometimes people handle death and the entire experience differently and really don't know WHAT to say or do. I have spoken to quite a few old friends this week and we ALL have mentioned Sherry and also the untimely passing of Roy Wilds.........Cathy's husband whom I know you are acquainted...........how much it has shocked and grieved us.

You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. I hope our paths cross again soon. God Bless.

We all got one beautiful, SUPERSIZED angel on our side now!
Hugs, Kara


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## Wilson Barbers (Jan 11, 2009)

I'm very sorry to read of your loss, Don. I remember meeting you and Sherry as a SupersizedSIG event in St. Louis for the first time: she was an outspoken advocate for size acceptance and an eloquent opponent of weight loss surgery due to her own sour experiences with the procedure. Both you and her also spoke quite clearly about the failing of the current medical community to adequately deal with supersized patients. The Sherry I remember was a lovely SSBBW who did not let life's harsh events deter her from putting on her own best face.

You have my deepest sympathies . . .


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## SSBBBWVeuveJenCoBu (Jan 13, 2009)

I'm new here and just saw ur thread. My prayers go out to you and and the memory of your dynamic,and beloved wife. I'm a widow of 6 years. I wish I had the years that you and Sherry did. May the fates be in your favor forever and people learn to be more thoughtful and attentive in word and deed, regardless of the distance.

Peace sweetie,
VeuveJenCoBu


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## moniquessbbw (Jan 15, 2009)

I remember like it was yesterday, I met Sherry at my first NAAFA convention in 1996. I was also a member of Supersig and enjoyed all of her news letters. Sherry was a good woman and I will miss her. Hang in there Don.


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## lovebbws13 (Jan 15, 2009)

WOW. That was very powerful writing and I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I'm sure that there are lots of people out there that will remember your wife's hard work, dedication, and devotion. It sounds to me as though you had a great woman. Always honor and cherish those memories that you have of her. May you always be blessed.


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