# BHM: Power, Wealth, and Success?



## curious86 (Aug 5, 2011)

I have long been a FFA and think a large part of my attraction to larger men is the cultural significance behind fat, historically speaking. Fat has long symbolized power, wealth, and security. I love the safety and security of cuddling up to a larger Alpha male, but size alone is not enough to attract me. I would love to meet a man whose weight was truly a reflection of his status and ambition... as it was throughout history! :smitten:

It seems laziness is a quality that attracts many women to BHMen, but to me that self-indulgence is only sexy if the man is hard-working and ambitious... assertive, both in and outside of the bedroom.

Would love to know if any FFAs share my feelings, or if there are any larger men whose attraction and interest in their size centers around ideas of power and the hedonistic pursuit of pleasure afforded by their place in society.


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## MrBob (Aug 5, 2011)

curious86 said:


> I have long been a FFA and think a large part of my attraction to larger men is the cultural significance behind fat, historically speaking. Fat has long symbolized power, wealth, and security. I love the safety and security of cuddling up to a larger Alpha male, but size alone is not enough to attract me. I would love to meet a man whose weight was truly a reflection of his status and ambition... as it was throughout history! :smitten:
> 
> It seems laziness is a quality that attracts many women to BHMen, but to me that self-indulgence is only sexy if the man is hard-working and ambitious... assertive, both in and outside of the bedroom.
> 
> Would love to know if any FFAs share my feelings, or if there are any larger men whose attraction and interest in their size centers around ideas of power and the hedonistic pursuit of pleasure afforded by their place in society.


It's only in recent history has this not been seen as the desired status for people. I don't know about the laziness, even when I'm not hard at work I'm doing something, I don't sit around and loaf all day....well, maybe on a Sunday if I've been having a particularly hectic weekend.

And as for the power and assertiveness, being bigger does lend a certain gravitas. I used to hate it when I was younger but I've learned to love it, not in an arrogant way though. It's just nice to take over a room with your presence from time to time.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 5, 2011)

curious86 said:


> I have long been a FFA and think a large part of my attraction to larger men is the cultural significance behind fat, historically speaking. Fat has long symbolized power, wealth, and security. I love the safety and security of cuddling up to a larger Alpha male, but size alone is not enough to attract me. I would love to meet a man whose weight was truly a reflection of his status and ambition... as it was throughout history! :smitten:
> 
> It seems laziness is a quality that attracts many women to BHMen, but to me that self-indulgence is only sexy if the man is hard-working and ambitious... assertive, both in and outside of the bedroom.
> 
> Would love to know if any FFAs share my feelings, or if there are any larger men whose attraction and interest in their size centers around ideas of power and the hedonistic pursuit of pleasure afforded by their place in society.



Totally feeling you ther. Nothing's more sexy then a confident, strong, fat alpha male who's handsome, ambitious intelligent and yet romantic, social and kind.


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## SanDiega (Aug 5, 2011)

Sure, it is a turn on, but being a 21 year old college kid, my dating pool does not really include to many fabulously wealthy BHMs. That sort of Victorian idea of the fat, hedonistic, wealthy industrialist sure does capture my imagination though.


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## Geodetic_Effect (Aug 5, 2011)

curious86 said:


> I have long been a FFA and think a large part of my attraction to larger men is the cultural significance behind fat, historically speaking. Fat has long symbolized power, wealth, and security. I love the safety and security of cuddling up to a larger Alpha male, but size alone is not enough to attract me. I would love to meet a man whose weight was truly a reflection of his status and ambition... as it was throughout history! :smitten:
> 
> It seems laziness is a quality that attracts many women to BHMen, but to me that self-indulgence is only sexy if the man is hard-working and ambitious... assertive, both in and outside of the bedroom.
> 
> Would love to know if any FFAs share my feelings, or if there are any larger men whose attraction and interest in their size centers around ideas of power and the hedonistic pursuit of pleasure afforded by their place in society.



I love the power that comes with size and strength. The reaction that comes when in a fight with an average sized male, and he hits you as hard as he can and it has no effect besides laughing at him, is great. He either apologizes and walks away or just turns around and runs. Or the reaction you get when walking into a room as a large man in a suit. the level of respect and how people go out of their way to make sure you are happy. They treat you totally different when you are large and look successful. It makes me strive to gain more and more power, wealth and position. I'm not wealthy now, but every time i move up it is never enough, it just makes want to keep moving up even more. This is one of my favorite quotes:

"Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I Gain Power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken."

Whether it's in the gym, on the streets, or in business, my goal is victory over all others. I see any failures as an opportunity to learn, and a chance to eliminate weakness. 

I find most men in modern society to be whiny pussies and I abhor laziness and stupidity.

It seems like women in today's society prefer the small, effeminate and weak. I take pride in being larger, stronger, more aggressive, more ambitious and more intelligent than those around me. It's nice to see a woman that appreciates this.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 5, 2011)

Geodetic_Effect said:


> "Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
> Through passion, I gain strength.
> Through strength, I Gain Power.
> Through power, I gain victory.
> Through victory, my chains are broken."



Sounds like the Sith Code =P


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## Geodetic_Effect (Aug 5, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> Sounds like the Sith Code =P



LOL, it sure does


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## MrBob (Aug 5, 2011)

Geodetic_Effect said:


> I love the power that comes with size and strength. The reaction that comes when in a fight with an average sized male, and he hits you as hard as he can and it has no effect besides laughing at him, is great. He either apologizes and walks away or just turns around and runs. Or the reaction you get when walking into a room as a large man in a suit. the level of respect and how people go out of their way to make sure you are happy. They treat you totally different when you are large and look successful. It makes me strive to gain more and more power, wealth and position.



Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, I do seem to garner a lot more attention in a suit. I think a good suit can really add something. It's like James Gandolfini in the Sopranos, the guy looks really sharp in a suit and he's the same sort of build as me. It just exudes power and authority. I did have an awesome photo taken about 18 months ago of me in a tux. probably my all-time favourite picture of me and I didn't look like I was out on prom night or anything. More like a plus size James Bond! 

And yes, the feeling of power in an altercation is great, not that I've had many of those but I think a lot of fights have probably been avoided because I do carry my size with a physical confidence. But then again I played rugby for years and if I can handle a decade of guys as big as me stamping on by back, arms and legs with studs on (cleats for you guys over the pond) then I'm not really going to be intimidated by Joe public. Though I'm a friendly guy anyway so people don't usually bother.

Plus I think for women it's a psychological thing that goes back through to the caveman days. One of the most important things back then was protecting the woman from other men so women found the strongest men to be the most sought after mates. Plus they'd have an easier time dragging her back to the cave. And even today, unless a guy is pumping some serious iron then the BHM's of this world are generally among the strongest...and even then the gymrats still sometimes have to take a little weight off the bar after you.

I think I've just compared myself to a silverback gorilla....a well attired silverback gorilla though.


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## LeoGibson (Aug 5, 2011)

I gotta jump on this bandwagon as well.It is nice knowing that I can handle most situations with just a hard look and can keep things from escalating into an actual altercation.

I also dig the feeling a nice suit brings,even though I rarely wear one.I don't have many occasions arise where one would be necessary.Although I do tease my wife and tell her that when I get good enough to go play some blues out in front of folks,I'm gonna get me some alligator skin boots and a matching sharkskin suit for my stage attire.


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## FishCharming (Aug 5, 2011)

LeoGibson said:


> I gotta jump on this bandwagon as well.It is nice knowing that I can handle most situations with just a hard look and can keep things from escalating into an actual altercation.
> 
> I also dig the feeling a nice suit brings,even though I rarely wear one.I don't have many occasions arise where one would be necessary.Although I do tease my wife and tell her that when I get good enough to go play some blues out in front of folks,I'm gonna get me some alligator skin boots and a matching sharkskin suit for my stage attire.



i'm not quite as big as some of you guys and, to be honest, i sometimes forget how big i am until someone says something like " no way would i ever fuck with you" so i can only imagine how you guys feel. it does inspire confidence knowing that most people are leery to start trouble with you though. i used to get into fights a lot when i was younger and am still pretty confident in my ability to hold my own so when someone does need to be put in their place i have no trouble stepping into that role. i'm usually the overly jovial, carefree guy so when i do break out the badass persona it carries a little extra heft with those who know me. 

and i completely get the suit thing. i used to wear them every day when i worked as a political consultant and man, i never felt more confident knowing that i looked amazing AND had an influential position. it's funny how the masculine ego works


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## lovelocs (Aug 6, 2011)

There's nothing more magnetically sexy than a man with big appetites and big drives, setting out to satisfy them. 


It's almost 4 am here.


I'm carrying this thought to bed.


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## djudex (Aug 6, 2011)

In this country, you gotta have the belly first. Then you make the money. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.


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## HDANGEL15 (Aug 6, 2011)

LeoGibson said:


> I gotta jump on this bandwagon as well.It is nice knowing that I can handle most situations with just a hard look and can keep things from escalating into an actual altercation.
> 
> I also dig the feeling a nice suit brings,even though I rarely wear one.I don't have many occasions arise where one would be necessary.Although I do tease my wife and tell her that when I get good enough to go play some blues out in front of folks,I'm gonna get me some alligator skin boots and a matching sharkskin suit for my stage attire.



still can't rep you ...damn it...but i wanna see you in that suit and booooots so BAD!!!!


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## HDANGEL15 (Aug 6, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> i'm not quite as big as some of you guys and, to be honest, i sometimes forget how big i am until someone says something like " no way would i ever fuck with you" so i can only imagine how you guys feel. it does inspire confidence knowing that most people are leery to start trouble with you though. i used to get into fights a lot when i was younger and am still pretty confident in my ability to hold my own so when someone does need to be put in their place i have no trouble stepping into that role. i'm usually the overly jovial, carefree guy so when i do break out the badass persona it carries a little extra heft with those who know me.
> 
> and i completely get the suit thing. i used to wear them every day when i worked as a political consultant and man, i never felt more confident knowing that i looked amazing AND had an influential position. it's funny how the masculine ego works



i have no doubt you are quite appealing in a suit....

but i never got the image of you being large at all...you look very *average-sized* ...in all the photos you post...even lately...not really over weight at all

i have always wondered what brought you to dims for that reason...


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## FishCharming (Aug 6, 2011)

HDANGEL15 said:


> i have no doubt you are quite appealing in a suit....
> 
> but i never got the image of you being large at all...you look very *average-sized* ...in all the photos you post...even lately...not really over weight at all
> 
> i have always wondered what brought you to dims for that reason...



maybe i'm just photogenic 

but in all seriousness i weigh about 235 lbs which puts me at over fifty pounds overweight for my height. add that to my man tits which make many womens' blush with envy and you have my opinion of myself as a BHM.

and when i first came to dims i was about 285 so i think that would definitely classify me as a BHM!


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 6, 2011)

I think it's generally hot when a man dresses himself well and with class.


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## HDANGEL15 (Aug 6, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> maybe i'm just photogenic
> 
> but in all seriousness i weigh about 235 lbs which puts me at over fifty pounds overweight for my height. add that to my man tits which make many womens' blush with envy and you have my opinion of myself as a BHM.
> 
> and when i first came to dims i was about 285 so i think that would definitely classify me as a BHM!


*
photogenic...for sure.. :smitten: but i guess you are too shy to show any of this off...
as I have never seen evidence of man tits nor could i tell you have lost 50# in the last year and 1/2 as it seems to be on the dl

just my 2 cents *


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## Broadside (Aug 6, 2011)

Power and wealth are the only way to truly experience freedom. Otherwise, you're just a slave to the daily grind.

My size has always been, in one way or another, a point of pride. I was always brought up to help out people who were weaker or less able than myself. At 6'4" and a tremendous weight I guess I've always seen myself as the one who had to take charge to make things right.

This mentality has afforded me opportunities and a place in life that currently affords me pleasures I never take for granted. I love being able to hop a train to NYC and stay out till 4am eating, drinking, and drinking, and drinking, and drinking with my friends. Throwing around money from time to time and laughing as I take care of a bill. On the other end of it, I also like being able to sit on my awesome leather chair/throne, and contemplate whatever it is I would like for dinner and, God willing, be able to afford it.

I have enough confidence, and financial stability to make many of my own rules and throw the finger at anyone who I don't care for. Being large is like a symbol of that, whether I wanted it that way or not!


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## Sasquatch! (Aug 6, 2011)

Broadside said:


> Power and wealth are the only way to truly experience freedom. Otherwise, you're just a slave to the daily grind.



Bullshit. 

Freedom is a state of mind. Don't make me pull a Dufresne and make you listen to an Aria.


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## Broadside (Aug 6, 2011)

Make it Metallica or AC/DC and maybe... but I still need money to buy tickets, or an album. Do people buy albums anymore...?

Other than that I need money to socialize and buy booze, and power to get me the job to get me the money to socialize and buy booze.

OH, and food, food is important.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 6, 2011)

Broadside said:


> Make it Metallica or AC/DC and maybe... but I still need money to buy tickets, or an album. Do people buy albums anymore...?
> 
> Other than that I need money to socialize and buy booze, and power to get me the job to get me the money to socialize and buy booze.
> 
> OH, and food, food is important.



Or a trip to an awesome festival with booze, babes and good music and swords.


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## JulieD (Aug 6, 2011)

HDANGEL15 said:


> i have no doubt you are quite appealing in a suit....
> 
> but i never got the image of you being large at all...you look very *average-sized* ...in all the photos you post...even lately...not really over weight at all
> 
> i have always wondered what brought you to dims for that reason...



Sooo...does this mean that once a bhm or a bbw were to lose weight, they are no longer suppose to post here anymore? If that's the case, that sucks. I understand that this a size acceptance forum for those of us who are big, but as soon as one of us loses weight, we should just move on? That's not right, just because someone lost weight doesn't mean that they lost the experiences of being big, maybe they can help others feel better and bring them to accepting their weight. Not to mention any friends or other relationships they have cultivated...AND there are some people who never post any pictures at all...how do we know that they aren't really skinny people posing as bhms/bbws? Sure, the trolls are obviously not bhms, but not everyone is a troll who doesn't post pics...I don't see how any one of us can justifiably question another poster who is actively contributing to the forum in a dominantly positive way. If Fishcharming was being a douche lord and and making others feel uncomfortable about their size, then I can see it. But he doesn't, he tries to be funny and interacts well with others for the most part. He shouldn't have to justify his presence here, if there was any question about it, it should have been brought up 2 years ago when he joined...just like it is with any newb. 
I know, I know, I'm his bestie and am sticking up for him and blah...blah...blah.., truth be told if a ffa were to post on any other forum and then be question as to what they are doing there I would say the same thing...what about the skinny FA that post on here? It happens all the time...I'm sorry, I'm a mother bear and I have to protect my family, so damn it...leave Fish alone!!


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## Yakatori (Aug 7, 2011)

JulieD said:


> "_shouldn't have to justify his presence here, if there was any question about it, it should have been brought up 2 years ago when he joined...just like it is with any newb._"


I don't think she meant it quite as you may've taken it. Even so, anyone of any size is potentially an admirer or accepter of people of size. And size is always going to be relative and, somewhat, subjective. I see myself as...enormous. And, to be fair, I'm quite big out IRL. But I'm about average within the Dims community. And that's the way I like it.


But to the point of the thread: Yeah, I will admit to being somewhat seduced by ambition and the pursuit of power. But, to me, the ultimate power is the expression of love or compassion. Lame; I realize many of you would think-so, anyway. But it seems to me, even where "nice-guys" get a bad rap these days, the ability or the luxury to afford to be actually-nice; to people in general or even those who really deserve otherwise; that can also be reflection of real power, too.



Broadside said:


> "_Being large is like a symbol of that, whether I wanted it that way or not!_"


Yeah, basically. I suspect that may have something to do with how being fat can sometimes seem to attract to you people with all sorts of emotional-pain. Sad or angry people. People who're butt-hurt. People with hungry-hearts.


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## Broadside (Aug 7, 2011)

Yakatori said:


> Yeah, basically. I suspect that may have something to do with how being fat can sometimes seem to attract to you people with all sorts of emotional-pain. Sad or angry people. People who're butt-hurt. People with hungry-hearts.



In the nicest way possible, I'm fuzzy on the main idea of that comment.

Are you saying that being fat attracts an excess of emotional pain upon the person bearing the additional weight? In other words, people who are fat are usually sad and angry as well?

Then are you saying that those emotions are turned into motivators to succeed with the "hungry-hearts" comment?

Or are you saying that fat people attract emotionally hungry people that would prey on them? Either by putting them down, or finding a way to continually abuse them? All in order to fill their hungry hearts with a good feeling they can only temporarily achieve by their malicious actions?

I"ll be honest, I have no idea what you mean by "butt-hurt". So, uh, while there's room for a joke there I'll just chalk it up to my own shortcomings in deduction. 

Not trying to be a dick or anything (really, truly), just trying to understand what you mean.


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## Yakatori (Aug 7, 2011)

Broadside said:


> "_Are you saying that being fat attracts an excess of emotional pain upon the person bearing the additional weight? In other words, people who are fat are usually sad and angry as well?_"


Nah, I mean more; & along the lines of what you and others were talking about; as to how fat can be, on some sort of symbolic or social-level, a signal of abundance, a capacity to give. And, in that way; maybe, sometimes; it can attract people of need, real or perceived. And of those needs being, possibly, material or non-material. 



Broadside said:


> "_Or are you saying that fat people attract emotionally hungry people that would prey on them?_"


Potentially, but not necessarily. Everyone has needs, conscious and unconscious. Everyone, as Springsteen says, has a hungry heart. It's not innately evil or parasitic for anyone to gravitate toward those who seem like they could satisfy some personal need of theirs. Besides, relationships that survive long-term tend to be sustained by a kind of fluidity and flexibility, over the long-haul, in terms of the give and take. They tend to evolve into some kind of reciprocity. Like in _Driving Ms. Daisy_. Or _Beaches_. Moreover, if you start out from the idea that person's life is not really complete until they meet with some purpose outside of themselves, then truly helping others; & regardless of that other person's intentions; seems like as good a path toward self-actualization as any. Even if that person is one of the many butt-hurt.


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## tigerlily (Aug 7, 2011)

curious86 said:


> I have long been a FFA and think a large part of my attraction to larger men is the cultural significance behind fat, historically speaking. Fat has long symbolized power, wealth, and security. I love the safety and security of cuddling up to a larger Alpha male, but size alone is not enough to attract me. I would love to meet a man whose weight was truly a reflection of his status and ambition... as it was throughout history! :smitten:
> 
> It seems laziness is a quality that attracts many women to BHMen, but to me that self-indulgence is only sexy if the man is hard-working and ambitious... assertive, both in and outside of the bedroom.
> 
> Would love to know if any FFAs share my feelings, or if there are any larger men whose attraction and interest in their size centers around ideas of power and the hedonistic pursuit of pleasure afforded by their place in society.



Somewhat. I somewhat share your feelings. I'm not big on alpha males, but I do admire the symbolic quality of a large man. I'm very petite, so I like to amplify the feeling of smallness whenever I have the privilege of being with a big man. It's not so much to create a situation where he could assert his power over me (not a situation I would care to be in), but I do like how obvious it is that larger men have the upper edge in terms of attracting attention when they enter a room & physically.


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## curious86 (Aug 7, 2011)

tigerlily said:


> Somewhat. I somewhat share your feelings. I'm not big on alpha males, but I do admire the symbolic quality of a large man. I'm very petite, so I like to amplify the feeling of smallness whenever I have the privilege of being with a big man. It's not so much to create a situation where he could assert his power over me (not a situation I would care to be in), but I do like how obvious it is that larger men have the upper edge in terms of attracting attention when they enter a room & physically.



Glad to know I'm not alone! I like men who are generally assertive, and while I prefer for them to "wear the big pants," I definitely don't take well to any sort of bossing around. I am fairly dominant myself, but I do not enjoy the thought of being with a man who is submissive... which is probably why I find men who are even more outgoing and assertive than myself to be attractive.


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## curious86 (Aug 7, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> Totally feeling you ther. Nothing's more sexy then a confident, strong, fat alpha male who's handsome, ambitious intelligent and yet romantic, social and kind.



Yes! All of these qualities together = the perfect man. :smitten:


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## curious86 (Aug 7, 2011)

MrBob said:


> Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, I do seem to garner a lot more attention in a suit. I think a good suit can really add something. It's like James Gandolfini in the Sopranos, the guy looks really sharp in a suit and he's the same sort of build as me. It just exudes power and authority. I did have an awesome photo taken about 18 months ago of me in a tux. probably my all-time favourite picture of me and I didn't look like I was out on prom night or anything. More like a plus size James Bond!
> 
> And yes, the feeling of power in an altercation is great, not that I've had many of those but I think a lot of fights have probably been avoided because I do carry my size with a physical confidence. But then again I played rugby for years and if I can handle a decade of guys as big as me stamping on by back, arms and legs with studs on (cleats for you guys over the pond) then I'm not really going to be intimidated by Joe public. Though I'm a friendly guy anyway so people don't usually bother.
> 
> ...



Your description of yourself as a well-attired, rugby playing silverback gorilla... made me weak in the knees! I would love to be dragged back to the cave with a man like that...


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 7, 2011)

curious86 said:


> Your description of yourself as a well-attired, rugby playing silverback gorilla... made me weak in the knees! I would love to be dragged back to the cave with a man like that...



Not necessarly a caveman, more the strong man that will swoop you up in his arms and carries you off to the bedroom

-censors the naughtiness in her mind-


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## MrBob (Aug 7, 2011)

You're welcome!


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## tigerlily (Aug 9, 2011)

curious86 said:


> Glad to know I'm not alone! I like men who are generally assertive, and while I prefer for them to "wear the big pants," I definitely don't take well to any sort of bossing around. I am fairly dominant myself, but I do not enjoy the thought of being with a man who is submissive... which is probably why I find men who are even more outgoing and assertive than myself to be attractive.



I don't mind submissive. Cuz submissive do what mami say he do. 




I'm totally kidding.


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## Tad (Aug 9, 2011)

How much do you figure height plays into this? 

I recall, years ago, the company I was at got a new president. He was fairly portly, but well groomed, always wore a good quality dark suit, carried himself fairly well I thought, seemed confident and competent. 

And he was probably about 54. 

He totally failed to ever gain the respect of most people working therehe was generally referred to as The Penguin due to his shape and the dark suit/white shirt combo. Id always wondered if he was otherwise the same, but 64, if he would have been more accepted as a leader?

(personally Ive never really understood the leader/follower dynamic, pathology, or whatever it is, and have never really grocked the crowd consensus on what makes some people natural leaders and others not suited. Im not talking competence at doing the job, more the way people react to them)


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 9, 2011)

Tad said:


> How much do you figure height plays into this?
> 
> I recall, years ago, the company I was at got a new president. He was fairly portly, but well groomed, always wore a good quality dark suit, carried himself fairly well I thought, seemed confident and competent.
> 
> ...



Leaders may not inspire respect when they are not immensely tall, however, Hitler, Mussolini, Himmler and Napoleon were tiny men and though they did terrible things, they were leaders.

It is not always in the looks of a person that makes them a leader. It is the inspiration they give and the acts they commit, are a part of and so on.

Now please let's not get this into a whole 'nazi this and that' discussion. Merely stating a fact here. Thank you.

So, a tall, big man could seem a leader, but he only is one if he is competent, inspiring, strong, firm, etc.


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## Tad (Aug 9, 2011)

Not to go too far off topic here.... but a cool anecdote about height. During the campaign for the 2000 presidential election in the USA, I heard the bit of trivia that since the start of televised debates, the taller candidate had won every presidential election. It happened that Gore and Bush were the same height, so at the time was the joke was "So this means it will be a tie!" And of course, that is essentially what happened. (not sure how this held up in 2004 and 2008).

Back on topic, any other guys on here who avoid being too "alpha male" ish? (I deeply distrust the desire alpha-male impuls--in myself even more than in others) For me part of the pull of being fat is that, in modern society, I feel it takes you out of the race to some degree, where people don't expect you to be trying to be top dog, and conversely those who do want to be top dog won't feel as threatened by you. Basically allowing a guy to be more of a cat, and go do his own thing, while leaving the silly dogs to squabble amongst themselves  

So to the OP, nope, my feelings around fat are pretty much the opposite of yours...but then again, I also feel that there are forms of drive and ambition that are not part of being an alpha male, but are more internally focussed, so maybe not quite so much opposite as orthagonal?


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## SlightlyMorbid (Aug 9, 2011)

-thinks- In a sense a Dominant man is attractive, but I don't like too Dominant.


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## Sasquatch! (Aug 9, 2011)

Surprisingly, Napoleon was normal height. All this jibber jabber about him being a shortarse was apparently British propaganda.


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## MrBob (Aug 9, 2011)

Yes, but normal height back then was probably aboout 5'4". Anyway, screw him...we won!


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## Sasquatch! (Aug 9, 2011)

MrBob said:


> Yes, but normal height back then was probably aboout 5'4". Anyway, screw him...we won!



Ew no! *YOU* screw him! *hands Bob a shovel*


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## tigerlily (Aug 9, 2011)

Tad said:


> Back on topic, any other guys on here who avoid being too "alpha male" ish? (I deeply distrust the desire alpha-male impuls--in myself even more than in others) For me part of the pull of being fat is that, in modern society, I feel it takes you out of the race to some degree, where people don't expect you to be trying to be top dog, and conversely those who do want to be top dog won't feel as threatened by you. Basically allowing a guy to be more of a cat, and go do his own thing, while leaving the silly dogs to squabble amongst themselves



This is brilliant. Never waste your energy defeating something that will in due time defeat itself. :bow:

About the televised presidential candidates: I actually heard this same thing from one of my professors. But he might have been sexist, because he cited not the televising, but the fact that women could vote as the cause for the taller candidate winning. 

H'mm. What do you mean by internally focused?


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## Tad (Aug 10, 2011)

tigerlily said:


> About the televised presidential candidates: I actually heard this same thing from one of my professors. But he might have been sexist, because he cited not the televising, but the fact that women could vote as the cause for the taller candidate winning.
> 
> H'mm. What do you mean by internally focused?



_re: height_: psychologists have come up with all sorts of clever experiments to examine how we associate height with power or success. 

My favorite, for its brilliant simplicity, was roughly the following: A professor introduces the same person to three different, large, undergrad classes (of the same course, so hopefully they have a reasonably similar mix of people). In one he is described as something like a visiting post-grad scholar, in another as a visiting assistant professor, in the third as a visiting full, tenured, professor (I probably have the titles wrong, but you get the idea). 

Afterwards the students were asked to estimate his height. There was about an inch difference in the average estimates for each step up in the title he was given. i.e. merely describing someone as more succesful/powerful increased his perceived height.

_re: internally focused_. To take a simple example, say you are in a swimming race. External focus would be: did you win/where did you place? Internal focus would be: how well did you swim the race/how was your technique/did you do it better than you did in the last race/do you feel you did your best?

In the workplace internal focus likewise means meeting your own standards for performance over external measures, but it also tends to mean pursuing that which satisfies you (be it a challenge, emotional fulfillment, or whatever) rather than pursuing promotions, titles, etc for their own sake (they may come, if you have high standards and meet them, that may get recognized).

It tends to divorce one from the leader/follower model of things, as those simply become matters of utility, the best way to get the job done, devoid of meaning or value for their own sake.

ETA: I'm not saying this is better or worse than the 'alpha male' model of success, just saying that just because one is not a classic alpha male does not mean that one is not driven or motivated in their own way.


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