# BBW/SSBBW dating stereotypes...



## FatBarbieDoll (Oct 27, 2019)

Sorry in advance if this post comes across as racist -- I truly meant no harm and did my best to word it sensitively.

I am just curious what y'all think about the stereotypes regarding fat women, particularly white ones, and black men. Have you found it to be true, in your experience?

Perhaps it's due to my low self-esteem and depression but I am very hesitant to date a black man because of this stereotype. I chat on and off with a seemingly very sweet black guy around my age (I said "seemingly" because, since I have not met him in person, I cannot say how he really is) who has admitted to having a major crush on me. Even if the distance were not an issue, I'd still be hesitant because of the aforementioned stereotype. I ask myself if what people say about it is true.

I have read some hurtful comments about this stereotype, such as that they settle for each other, then rich black men having skinny white women is sometimes noted.

I could be wrong but I do seem to get more messages from black men than other races. Something else I noticed: I am a bit bicurious, so I signed up for a "woman seeking woman" account on a dating site and most of my responses have been from black women and male-looking black women. This cannot be a coincidence, can it? I wonder if the masculine-looking ones are subconsciously acting out a stereotype and/or they are genuinely attracted to me. Some of these profiles are fake, though.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Oct 27, 2019)

The United States is not monocultural. Attitudes vary from group to group, social class to social class, and region to region, as well as from individual to individual. I've moved around the country a bit, and my observation has been that middle-class whites are much more focused on weight and size than other groups are. A sociologist -- who is also a black woman -- wrote, "White women obsess about their weight; black women obsess about their hair." And we all know what part the guys obsess about, don't we?


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## alk27alk27 (Oct 30, 2019)

I have to agree with the good Dr here. I don’t think you’ll find any one monolithic cultural biased against you. If it’s any consolation, I find mixed race people to be some of the most beautiful in the world. 

I once met a woman who was half Asian, a quorter Hispanic and a quorter Northern European. The only NE part was her deep red hair. Every thing else was a mix of Hispanic and East Asian. She was absolutely stunning.

If you love someone go for it with all your heart. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise because of this or that.


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## extra_m13 (Oct 31, 2019)

in general, as a society, we have a lot of ground to cover on these topics, things are not perfect but i do think we are moving in the right direction, and we being here and being able to discuss this in some way is proof of that


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## landshark (Nov 1, 2019)

If he’s into you he’s into you. I promise you this: he didn’t wake up one morning and say, “oh yeah, we black guys are supposed to like fat white chicks” and then proceed from there. Don’t worry about the stereotype. Treat the man like the individual he is. There is something he can offer you that nobody else can, and if whatever that is happens to be something you value then to hell with the stereotype and what anyone else thinks!


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## AmyJo1976 (Nov 1, 2019)

Out of all the black men I've known, most said the same thing, "I like women, as in all women, big and small". Only two have openly said that they like fat women exclusively. That doesn't mean that's the truth, it's just what they told me. I will have to say that black men are more open or unfiltered than white men are. They are more likely to be public with someone that doesn't conform with societies standards and that is a plus in my book


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## BigElectricKat (Nov 1, 2019)

Since I’ve been keeping to the shadows at Dims of late, I was reluctant to offer any type of opinion on this post. I’ve really had some not-so-great days lately and have been keeping to myself mostly. But this is a subject that I feel I’m keenly qualified to remark on due to my singularly unique perspective (at least thus far). But I will address each idea as I see it and hope that no one takes offense to my answers.
*Sorry in advance if this post comes across as racist -- I truly meant no harm and did my best to word it sensitively.*
This does come off as a bit racist… but in a good way. The fact that you ask the question means that you are (hopefully) seeking enlightenment. Throughout time, people have been asking similar questions to yours. Queries such as this come from a place of curiosity and curiosity often leads to a new level of understanding. I feel there is no better pursuit than trying to understand your fellow human beings.

*I am just curious what y'all think about the stereotypes regarding fat women, particularly white ones, and black men. Have you found it to be true, in your experience?*
I personally don’t find this stereotype to be prevalent. None of the black men that I have any interaction with (friends, coworkers, acquaintances) are in relationship with white women, let alone big (I’m still having a tough time with saying “fat”) ones. I know this may seem strange coming from a black man who happens to frequent a BBW/BHM dedicated website but I’m NOT solely attracted to larger women (yeah, I’m going to get questions about THAT now). In other words, the vast majority of coupled relationships are among people of like backgrounds. Everything else is in the minority (no pun intended).

I served in the military for over half my adult life. I’ve lived in several different countries as well as several different states. I’ve come across many couples of mixed race and I’ll tell you without fear of reprisal: everything evens out in the end. I’ve known every iteration of couple you can think of and I’ve seen less of the “fat white gal with black guy” scenario than any other. And believe me, I pay attention.

*Perhaps it's due to my low self-esteem and depression but I am very hesitant to date a black man because of this stereotype. I chat on and off with a seemingly very sweet black guy around my age (I said "seemingly" because, since I have not met him in person, I cannot say how he really is) who has admitted to having a major crush on me. Even if the distance were not an issue, I'd still be hesitant because of the aforementioned stereotype. I ask myself if what people say about it is true.*
I understand low self-esteem. And I also understand depression (like I said, it’s been a rough time for me). Not wanting to be seen as a stereotype is a concern for most people, I would think.

Having been in relationships with women of differing races, I would suggest, without reservation, that you steer clear of this scenario completely (at least for the time being). And please let me explain why.

Sometimes, being in a relationship, any relationship, can be a test of your character and your emotional resolve. Big with skinny, rich with poor, black with white, tall with short. It doesn’t matter. Even in today’s more tolerant society, there will be people who scrutinize and comment on others’ relationships, for lack of something better to do. Collectively, we call them haters. They hate that you’re happy. Dating someone that is obviously of a different ethnic background is not an undertaking to be taken lightly. You have to be supremely confident in who you are, have strong beliefs about what you are doing, and bullet-proof moral conviction. Otherwise, the haters will devour you. That you’re concerned about what other people will think, is a sign that this is not something for you.

Sadly, you’ll never know if it could be a good thing. Not that I’m advocating it in any way. Just noting the possibility. Hell, it could be just as crappy as any other relationship can be.

*Do you feel, in your heart, that a black person is less than you deserve and being with a black person makes you less-than?*



*I have read some hurtful comments about this stereotype, such as that they settle for each other, then rich black men having skinny white women is sometimes noted.*
Again, there will be haters everywhere you go. I related a story where I encountered one out at a restaurant one evening. Certainly, you can look and find stereotypes just about everywhere you look. It’s not something we’ll ever get rid of. You can only do your part in dispelling those who are ignorant of how the human heart operates.

If you find you care for someone and they for you, is that settling or is that following your heart? You have to understand, believe, and be guided by the difference.

*I could be wrong but I do seem to get more messages from black men than other races. Something else I noticed: I am a bit bicurious, so I signed up for a "woman seeking woman" account on a dating site and most of my responses have been from black women and male-looking black women. This cannot be a coincidence, can it? I wonder if the masculine-looking ones are subconsciously acting out a stereotype and/or they are genuinely attracted to me. Some of these profiles are fake, though.*[/QUOTE]

Bottom line: If you are choosing your partners based on what other people think and say, how does that make you happy? Best of luck to you.


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## JDavis (Nov 2, 2019)

I've explored this topic a bit since I have always been hit on quite a bit by black men myself. I have a large, muscular rear end which black men have often commented on it in a positive way as I passed by them. They even have approached me and told me how much they admired it. 

One thing I read is that white men care more about how they are perceived in a statusy way and so they only date women that are socially acceptable (currently tall and skinny is still in fashion although I see signs that we are swinging back towards short and stocky). Black men don't care about this and date women whom they are attracted to.

Personally my take on why large women get hit on more often by black men is that I think African american people tend to be more muscular than whites overall so they are not threatened by large women. I read a recent study that concluded that men, but not women, are threatened by people with larger muscles than themselves. For me this is quite a large segment of the male population, especially the white males.


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## John Smith (Nov 2, 2019)

This topic is so uneccessary.


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## TwoSwords (Dec 26, 2019)

FatBarbieDoll said:


> I am just curious what y'all think about the stereotypes regarding fat women, particularly white ones, and black men. Have you found it to be true, in your experience?



I'm a white fellow who totally loves how fat women look. However, I honestly don't know whether the stereotype is true, because I don't know enough couples where the woman is fat, to be able to make that determination. I *do* think, however, that allowing people's perceptions of a stereotype (that may or may not be true,) to influence your decisions about who you go out with is a mistake. If he's a good guy, and he's into you, give him a chance. If not, don't. I know that if I was ever turned down for the "I'm worried I'll be playing into a stereotype if I date you" reason, I'd probably think she just didn't like me.


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## LoveDDD (Jun 22, 2020)

AmyJo1976 said:


> Out of all the black men I've known, most said the same thing, "I like women, as in all women, big and small". Only two have openly said that they like fat women exclusively. That doesn't mean that's the truth, it's just what they told me. I will have to say that black men are more open or unfiltered than white men are. They are more likely to be public with someone that doesn't conform with societies standards and that is a plus in my book


Hi, first of all you do not look heavy in any way  but I wanted to thank you for your post, I find it interesting. Me personally I have met fat-admirers of all ethnicities/origins it seems, but I'm hoping to find that special connection soon…


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## John Smith (Jun 22, 2020)

And say than the admins found my thread about Black Lives Matter and my comparison between feedees who shall take _fair_ accountability for their transformative journey through unsalvaged gluttony and obesity with the police as a whole institution shall take accountability for systemic racism and abuses of power as "political" , "incorrect" "off-context" and "divisive" before being topped out the same day

But in the meamtime this thread is still there and around for years, in spite its *very many mixed critics.*

BigCuties have mercy from up there and may She forgive them all for the sheer utter audacity of these double standards ever self-topped by primarily-white-administred F.A. forums and platforms (including Feabie, _yes Feabie_) over these past few years...


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## LuvsBustyBBW (Jun 22, 2020)

This is a very delicate subject to discuss these days, as anything can be perceived as racist in the current climate. 
I can only tell you what I heard first hand (late 90s) from a friend (co-worker, commuting buddy) who I spent many Happy Hours in discussions after work with. I asked him what the attraction was? He replied "don't you know?" "They will pay for everything, food, drinks, cell phone, car insurance, you name it." 
I didn't get it, since I was fiercely independent and couldn't accept someone paying my way. But the reality is we all pay or share the expenses of someone who we care for. The key is to ensure that you're not being taken for a ride, that goes for any relationship. 
If you like this guy and he likes you, don't let society dictate your choices. Not everyone is out to defraud you or use you. We've all been through broken hearts and we'll do it again and again. Its the price of being in the game.


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## John Smith (Jun 22, 2020)

LuvsBustyBBW said:


> This is a very delicate subject to discuss these days, as anything can be perceived as racist in the current climate.



Not in the current climate, but in any _common sense_.


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