# downside of feeling fat



## Lilbexter (Sep 10, 2007)

Hey everyone...I'm not an avid poster, but an adament reader. But today, I wanted an outlet to rant and spill my feelings, and I was hoping I could get some helpful feedback.

Do you ever have those days where you just feel ugly, or you don't think you'll ever get what you want because your fat? Lately, I've been trying to be very positive about my body. But occaisonally I have those days when I feel like the most unnattractive person in the world. The entire day i've been contemplating my next diet, and wondering what I should wear until I get thin. I feel like guys have no interest in me, and that unless I make a change, I don't deserve a decent guy. I'm not sure what triggers it, but it sucks to feel so low, especially when I've been working so hard to improve my body-image. I'm afraid i'm never going to be able to shake the feeling that because i'm fat, i'm inadequate.

Anyone else ever experience anything like this?


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## Tad (Sep 10, 2007)

I'd say lots of people get those blah days. I think the blahs then channel themselves into whatever insecurities you have--in your case your size. I really don't think that it is often the fat that causes the blahs.

Just my two cents worth (one point nine cents american)

-Ed


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 10, 2007)

Instead of thinking about dieting to make yourself feel better, how about doing other things? Such as a new job or going back to school? Ending bad relationships/friendships, joining some new clubs or activities, some new outfits that flatter you the way you are, new haircut, etc. You can get yourself out of that funk and raise your self-esteem.... diet free. Stop thinking that your life "would just work out and be perfect" if the scale told you a different number. That's a lie- you will still not be happy. What's missing or wrong is your self-image- not your weight, imo.

I'm the happiest I have been in my entire life right now because of the life changes I made for myself....and my weight is near the upper end of the spectrum. Years of dieting never improved my self-image.


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## Tina (Sep 10, 2007)

Lilbexter said:


> The entire day i've been contemplating my next diet, and wondering what I should wear until I get thin.
> 
> Anyone else ever experience anything like this?


Oh, yeah, definitely, and it stinks.

First, get rid of the "diet." We all have it a diet; it's what we eat every day. But going on a diet is a whole different issue, and it's usually doomed to failure -- which can or will will induce further self-esteem problems, feelings of failure, letting oneself down, and usually, even more weight returning on your frame. 

If you want to lose weight, and are the kind who has a body that will let them (some do, some don't), just eat well (see some threads in the Health forum for that), and exercise. Fad diets are often a fave of some FAs, because they are almost always the cause of weight-gain.

Second, the "until I get thin," mantra is destructive, IMO. I don't know how fat you are, but many of us will never get thin. Ever. So be realistic, but also, having some unrealistic mental image of 'who you should be' is another way to undermine oneself and one's self-esteem.

Two phrases that I would like to purge from the lexicon world-wide: "I need to go on a diet," and "when I get thin" or "until I get thin." They are destroyers of positive self-perceptions.

The best to you, and welcome.


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## MissQTPi (Sep 10, 2007)

I find myself dealing with negative body issues when I'm pms'n...which is every month! being fat n then bloated on top of that n just generally miserable is never good.....


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## love dubh (Sep 10, 2007)

The scale is crap. The BMI is crap. But what isn't crap is getting that beautiful machine you call your body out there and doin' its thang. Take up dancing, bird watching, painting, or hiking, or something! Exercise gets the adrenalin and the endorphins up; hobbies foster new friendships and skills and make you happy!

Get out there and be the awesome creature you are.


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## Lilbexter (Sep 10, 2007)

Thanks so much to all of you who responded...sometimes it's just nice to know your not alone.


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## krystalltuerme (Sep 11, 2007)

Tina said:


> Oh, yeah, definitely, and it stinks.
> Two phrases that I would like to purge from the lexicon world-wide: "I need to go on a diet," and "when I get thin" or "until I get thin." They are destroyers of positive self-perceptions.



My girlfriend's sister uses "when I get thin" all the time, and it makes me crazy. I always want to yell "why not now? Why wait?"

This is your life. Live it!


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## Jon Blaze (Sep 11, 2007)

Nearly everyone has those days: Me included.

I think it's not uncommon because of our society, and a simple product of our minds (The goal to improve, compare, and/or appeal in some way [However those views are highly subjective]). I'm happy with myself the way I am, but I have those days where I think I can improve.

Being around the community (And my views) have changed the way I think for the most part. Since I do have a sort of fitness/HAES angle (With my Activism, and my views in general), that's really the determining factor in how I feel.

For example:
I just started Hapkido (And Kyuki-do [COOKIE-DOUGH!!  ]), and although it's going well so far: It's advocated that one put on lean muscle, to aid in the joint locks, joint manipulation, throws, and submissions, striking, et cetera. I'm planning on doing so for the sake of what I like to do (Martial Arts and Running [5k on the 22nd! Come on fat hatred bingo shirt!]), and while I may end up becoming more muscular after my journey, I'm not going to define myself by that, and even if I don't see outer effects on my physique (I've lost a lot of my tone): As long as I can break a wrist, or give someone a nice Seoi Nage (Shoulder Throw), I'm fine!  

I want to continue doing these things, because I like to do them (And I'm learning self defense techniques [And Soupy can say "KARATE CHOP!" everytime she comments me: I LOVE YOU SOUPY! :wubu:  ]), and that's something I advocate that people of all sizes do. Not doing the things that I like are what I think would really drag me down.

I agree with 'Da Dubh (AGAIN!!  ): Exercise, make a garden, take up a cause, DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!  BE HAPPY! Do those things to do them, or just keep them there as good stress relievers to release those "Feel-Good" endorphins! 

And if you ever feel that you want/should change a lot: Do so with the intent that your value is not defined by your change, and you'll be fine.  

On a different note: I've seen you've already. In my opinion: You're smokin'! I love that smile too. :wubu: Not that my opinion should matter, but I just wanted to say that.


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## Keb (Sep 11, 2007)

I've never actually officially gone on a diet. Somehow I got it into my head early on that it wasn't really healthy to starve myself.

And yet I still get that constant feeling (nicely reinforced by everyone from perfect strangers to my mother) that my life would be better if I was only thinner. Job offers would land in my lap. I'd walk out the door and men would fall at my feet, begging me to marry them. Publishers would beg for my manuscripts despite not having prior contact or any clue I've actually written any. I'd get calls from Hollywood to star in the next Star Trek movie (again, despite the fact they don't know who I am...). Maybe I'd even find shoes that actually fit. It would all just -happen- because I wasn't fat.

And yet I know better. I constantly remind my mother that being thin wouldn't make my feet any shorter--there's bones there. It might make me look better in a suit but it wouldn't make my resume more impressive. Actually, I suspect people are more likely to remember who I am -because- I'm fat than they would if I wasn't, so it doesn't even explain why Hollywood and Scholastic aren't beating down my door. And I know full well I wouldn't want to marry a guy who only noticed me because I looked like a supermodel...cuz suppose I do something ridiculous like actually get old or gain the weight back or get sick and lose a body part or six? 

And yet...anything that's not perfect in my life, isn't perfect because I'm fat. Ask anyone.

It's a miserable thing to be told over and over and over again...and it's so very hard not to chime in yourself and do exactly the same thing.

The two things I want most right now, a career and a relationship leading towards marriage...the hardest things to navigate and the two things the people are quickest to say you'll fail in because of your weight. So yeah, I'm beating myself up a lot right now.


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## TallFatSue (Sep 11, 2007)

Keb said:


> And yet I still get that constant feeling (nicely reinforced by everyone from perfect strangers to my mother) that my life would be better if I was only thinner.


Ain't that a hoot? What business is that of theirs? During a family reunion over Labor Day weekend, one of my nosy cousins, whom I hadn't see for a few years, decided it was her business to discuss how fat I was. After a while I wanted to hit her in the face with a pie, except it would waste a perfectly good pie. Instead I drove her bonkers by calmly and politely answering her every question. Things got interesting when she began to pry into my sex life. Yeesh! What business is that of hers? Doesn't she have a life? Eveidently not.  

So I kinda built up to my answer as she was refilling her soda glass, and then just as she was taking a swig I blurted out, "Well, you hafta realize that when you're as fat as I am, foreplay can last for hours." Bingo! She squirted her drink right out that nosy nose of hers! As my engineer husband Art told me afterward, the weak carbonic acid in soda pop worked wonders on her nasal passages. Served her right.


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## SunKissedLynny (Sep 12, 2007)

Ya know Lilbexter, just drop into Dim's chat ... we'll cheer you right up!

I know one thing, im sure glad to have found this group of folks. I thought I was more accepting of myself than i was. Stepped in here a month ago and i feel like a whole new WO-Man! ...Ive let alot of critical thoughts go since then. Tomorrow promises to be a more beautiful day.

HUGS


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## Fascinita (Sep 12, 2007)

Lilbexter said:


> Hey everyone...I'm not an avid poster, but an adament reader. But today, I wanted an outlet to rant and spill my feelings, and I was hoping I could get some helpful feedback....
> Anyone else ever experience anything like this?



Actually, I'm so glad you posted this. I've been having a "down" week myself. Now, I haven't dieted for 15 years and I love my fat body. But there are days when I start to feel really oppressed by the fact of that body being an object of contempt for a lot of people around me. Also, having been single for longer than I care to admit at this point--though I've used the time wisely to advance career plans and to recover from a relationship gone bad--there are times when I just feel downright lonely. Or I miss having those warm fuzzies about someone else. And yes there are times when I wonder if I'll ever be sexually intimate with someone else again. So it can be a painful thing on those days when things aren't necessarily going your way. But I don't think you have to feel like you'll never get what you want. I've pretty much pursued everything I wanted to pursue in my life and I am perfectly happy with the consequences of my choices. In fact, it's been thrilling to choose to live that way, without needing a stamp of approval from the rest of the world. I suppose that, in a way, being fat has made me a rebel in the best sense of the word.

I wish you lots of luck and send you warm, good thoughts.


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## xeillia (Sep 12, 2007)

Yes Blah days are terrible I usually get them after shopping for clothes or when I have to squeeze past people in a restaurant or something and they just STARE at you like a freak but joining dims has been a good outlet and support for me. My friend also gave me some valuable advice and true.

There is no point in punishing yourself, there are plenty people out there to do it for you.


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## Count Zero (Sep 12, 2007)

As a person who's had more than their fair share of bad days, I can definitely sympathize. I found it sometimes helps to indulge in something that you enjoy doing to draw your mind off the negative things and get in a more enjoyable mood. Go to a movie with friends, blow off some steam on an impromptu road trip, etc. This may only seem like a short-term solution to a long-term problem, but it's helped me plenty of times in the past.

As for the body image, when someone makes a remark or something to that extent, just remind yourself that they're not showing that you're fat, but only that they're a shallow, small-minded person whose opinion shouldn't matter to you at all. Your worth is not decided by your waistline.


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## Tad (Sep 12, 2007)

TallFatSue said:


> So I kinda built up to my answer as she was refilling her soda glass, and then just as she was taking a swig I blurted out, "Well, you hafta realize that when you're as fat as I am, foreplay can last for hours." Bingo! She squirted her drink right out that nosy nose of hers! As my engineer husband Art told me afterward, the weak carbonic acid in soda pop worked wonders on her nasal passages. Served her right.



*L* I love your attitude, Sue! 

-Ed


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## lipmixgirl (Sep 12, 2007)

Lilbexter said:


> Hey everyone...I'm not an avid poster, but an adament reader. But today, I wanted an outlet to rant and spill my feelings, and I was hoping I could get some helpful feedback.
> 
> Do you ever have those days where you just feel ugly, or you don't think you'll ever get what you want because your fat? Lately, I've been trying to be very positive about my body. But occaisonally I have those days when I feel like the most unnattractive person in the world. The entire day i've been contemplating my next diet, and wondering what I should wear until I get thin. I feel like guys have no interest in me, and that unless I make a change, I don't deserve a decent guy. I'm not sure what triggers it, but it sucks to feel so low, especially when I've been working so hard to improve my body-image. I'm afraid i'm never going to be able to shake the feeling that because i'm fat, i'm inadequate.
> 
> Anyone else ever experience anything like this?



while i may be piggybacking on what others have said thus far, here is my $0.02 cents - bullet point style...

- feeling down or randomly depressed is a natural part of life... 

- as overweight/heavy/large/fat folks society constantly tells us that all of our social, societial, and health problems would be magically solved if we were just THIN! 

- you are only inadequate if you adopt the mindset of others who believe so.

the outlook that i practice in my own life is this:

- i am me... this is how nature created me. 

- i have only ONE life to live. and as the Obstreperous Ms. J. says "Life is a dance, and you are either watching or dancing. I don't want to watch."

- i love and respect myself.

- i do not predicate my life on romantic relationships, because someone else loving/liking me or being attracted to me can never take the place or fill the space of me loving myself completely. 

- when you love yourself completely that vibe is communicated to the people around you, and you will therefore attract worthwhile people


so, to review, life is NOT a dress rehearsal... if you want to feel better about yourself- the key is working first on your mind... then if need be, let the body follow... it is all about LOVE... and if you are having a difficult time finding that love sit down and write out a list of all of your positive traits. the things that make you FANTASTIC! cause there is FANTASTIC in all of us... feed off the fantastic in you and put that negativity on the shelf... 

get dressed up... go out... be fabulous... cause as i always say - when you, yourself, feel fabulous you will radiate... and others will soak up that radiation as if they were basking in the sun...


out with the fat! in with the fab!


the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:


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## Aurora1 (Sep 12, 2007)

Lilbexter said:


> Hey everyone...I'm not an avid poster, but an adament reader. But today, I wanted an outlet to rant and spill my feelings, and I was hoping I could get some helpful feedback.
> 
> Do you ever have those days where you just feel ugly, or you don't think you'll ever get what you want because your fat? Lately, I've been trying to be very positive about my body. But occaisonally I have those days when I feel like the most unnattractive person in the world. The entire day i've been contemplating my next diet, and wondering what I should wear until I get thin. I feel like guys have no interest in me, and that unless I make a change, I don't deserve a decent guy. I'm not sure what triggers it, but it sucks to feel so low, especially when I've been working so hard to improve my body-image. I'm afraid i'm never going to be able to shake the feeling that because i'm fat, i'm inadequate.
> 
> Anyone else ever experience anything like this?



I'm really glad you posted this Bexter because I like to chat on the site here but I have honestly gotten the most and best part of being here out of the boards. I have been thin, fat, thin, fat, thin and fat again and it's probably actually the "dieting" that has contributed to my difficulty with actually maintaining a healthy weight for me. Coming here has helped me feel more comfortable with who I am right now and I've also realized that I need to find not so much a _weight_ that I'm comfortable with but the _shape_ of my body that I can live with and be able to do all the things I want to do with. Throw your scale out the window number one....it only fucks with your head! lol Sometimes I just don't wanna eat bcuz I really don't and when I really want to eat I will and whatever I feel like having. 
The whole guys not being interested in you is so not true bcuz look at all the FA's on this site _and_ you are a very pretty girl! Now, it's the type of guys I am attracting here that sometimes worries me!  The funny thing is...you may meet someone...who is wonderful and all that you thought you ever wanted and more...and he may make you feel better about yourself...but if you are not building your own self confidence and getting to know and love yourself really...then you will not be ready for him to love you yet or even get closer to you yet...trust me...I'm learning the hard way here myself. lol Although I hope to meet someone who will be patient and understanding with me now...someone like that is one in a million and very hard to come by. It starts with you accepting you. If you ever wanna talk more hun just PM me...I'm going down the same road you started out here.


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## Keb (Sep 12, 2007)

But are there enough FAs to go around?

*looks glum*


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## KuroBara (Sep 12, 2007)

For the past few days, I've felt fat in the bad way. I've been thinking about my gastric bypass that ultimately failed because I failed. I now it's my fault, but still feel like crap. I hate those days, cause I know I'm not horrible looking and my fat is pretty nice, when I don't dwell on it, but still...we all need self pity days. I need some loving FA to restore my temporarily down confidence. Any takers? I promise I only bite when you ask me to, or are covered in caramel, which let's face it, is an obvious invitation.


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## William (Sep 12, 2007)

Hi 

For the last month I have felt Fat and today as my Doctors appointment I find out that for the first time in years I am under 300, so go figure. I have not been dieting and I had expected to have gained 

William




KuroBara said:


> For the past few days, I've felt fat in the bad way. I've been thinking about my gastric bypass that ultimately failed because I failed. I now it's my fault, but still feel like crap. I hate those days, cause I know I'm not horrible looking and my fat is pretty nice, when I don't dwell on it, but still...we all need self pity days. I need some loving FA to restore my temporarily down confidence. Any takers? I promise I only bite when you ask me to, or are covered in caramel, which let's face it, is an obvious invitation.


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## krystalltuerme (Sep 13, 2007)

Keb said:


> But are there enough FAs to go around?
> 
> *looks glum*




It doesn't have to be a one-to-one thing!


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## Lilbexter (Sep 13, 2007)

Thank's everyone for all of your input...I think it's going to be an ongoing struggle for awhile, but it will get better with time. I think in the end, it comes down wanting approval from others that I will never receive, and ultimately coming to terms with that. 
But thank you so much for all of your kind words and compassion; you guys are the reason I'm on the right path to acceptance. And for all of you going through the same thing I am, good luck!


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## lizzy (Sep 13, 2007)

Lilbexter said:


> Hey everyone...I'm not an avid poster, but an adament reader. But today, I wanted an outlet to rant and spill my feelings, and I was hoping I could get some helpful feedback.
> 
> Do you ever have those days where you just feel ugly, or you don't think you'll ever get what you want because your fat? Lately, I've been trying to be very positive about my body. But occaisonally I have those days when I feel like the most unnattractive person in the world. The entire day i've been contemplating my next diet, and wondering what I should wear until I get thin. I feel like guys have no interest in me, and that unless I make a change, I don't deserve a decent guy. I'm not sure what triggers it, but it sucks to feel so low, especially when I've been working so hard to improve my body-image. I'm afraid i'm never going to be able to shake the feeling that because i'm fat, i'm inadequate.
> 
> Anyone else ever experience anything like this?



Actually, I tend to just feel really tired and heavy...then ponder the weight loss thing. But, then decide not to. 

Funny thing is that I seem to be more attractive with men "of quality" (not the ones who just want to jump your bones and say goodbye) now that I have a little meat (well a lot of) meat on my bones. I've found that men are also very attracted to a girl with a good, positive outlook on life. The weight matters only to the "losers". You're beautiful as you are. Don't change a thing.


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## CuslonGodibb (Sep 14, 2007)

I would like to think so, Keb, but who knows? I may be wrong - - -
I get the feeling, though, that there is a lot more FAs than the FAs themselves admit, if you see what I mean. (?)

As I see it, there seems to be many FAs who are clear and open about it and happily states their preferences, but I do believe there are also people who think fat is nice without really identifying themselves as FAs. If this is true, then I suspect the first group is the easiest one to find, while the second one might be a "grey zone".

Just don't underestimate that "grey zone"!  

/ CuslonGodibb



Keb said:


> But are there enough FAs to go around?
> 
> *looks glum*


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## CuslonGodibb (Sep 14, 2007)

That's so true, lizzy! At least for me.  

/ CuslonGodibb



lizzy said:


> [---] men are also very attracted to a girl with a good, positive outlook on life. [---]


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## Knyghtmare (Sep 17, 2007)

Lilbexter said:


> Hey everyone...I'm not an avid poster, but an adament reader. But today, I wanted an outlet to rant and spill my feelings, and I was hoping I could get some helpful feedback.
> 
> Do you ever have those days where you just feel ugly, or you don't think you'll ever get what you want because your fat? Lately, I've been trying to be very positive about my body. But occaisonally I have those days when I feel like the most unnattractive person in the world. The entire day i've been contemplating my next diet, and wondering what I should wear until I get thin. I feel like guys have no interest in me, and that unless I make a change, I don't deserve a decent guy. I'm not sure what triggers it, but it sucks to feel so low, especially when I've been working so hard to improve my body-image. I'm afraid i'm never going to be able to shake the feeling that because i'm fat, i'm inadequate.
> 
> Anyone else ever experience anything like this?



To be honest, this is also a reacuring feeling that I get as well, only at a male point of view... I have actually been having this feeling a lot as of late. Which is what I think fueled me to actually find this site, which was completely by accident. Im not sure what else I want to say, except that I understand what your feeling and I sure wish I could shake it. Of course I feel the only way this will happen is if some key parts of my life are changed and some voids are filled.


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## zbot19 (Sep 17, 2007)

well i have to say i have felt like that but not because of my own size being 5'8 and 210lbs but because i always would get that "you are my friend speech" or " I think of you like a brother" many folks don't know how many guys have low self esteem issues and that makes one think on their own looks as ugly, worthy of nothing and therefore having nothing, and like you lilbexter it is very hard to bring yourself out of that way of thinking and be positive. I know it surely is hard for me no matter how many say i am a good looking person or how sweet i am and how lucky someone is going to be to meet me. it seems that someone is never found and that is probably the most discouraging thing a person can go through. but in the end you have to know you have love to give and you will recieve that same kind of love in return if not more and its only a matter of time and being patient enough to know it will happen when you least expect it. that is one of the few things that gets me through the days when i have those kinds of thoughts. that is my perspective on it. thanks to for listening to my ramblings.


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## Surlysomething (Sep 17, 2007)

I've had a pretty rough past 12 months. Job loss, new job, tragic family death, pet death, unexpected move, a major heartbreak and it's taken it's toll on me in the last 3 months the worst. I quit eating well and junked out in a HUGE way to "help" cope with the stress. On top of it i'm diabetic and haven't been taking my readings or medicine regularly this whole time. Couldn't be bothered.

I woke up this morning with a clearer head than the past few weeks and i'm going to get back on the wagon and get myself feeling better. I know i'll always be a big girl, but i'm about 20lbs over what feels good for *me*.

We all go through phases and feel pressure. The only thing I know how to do is try hard and get myself out of the funk. I have to let it ride itself out first though...give myself time to process.

Hi, my name is Tina and i'm an emotional eater.


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## Surlysomething (Dec 19, 2007)

Yep, having one of those days again.


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## ashmamma84 (Dec 19, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Yep, having one of those days again.



Awww, hugs! Hopefully it passes soon, Surly.


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## CodiBrock (Dec 20, 2007)

I used to live in those blah days. I was the largest girl in my school, I was getting ridiculed daily, dealing with hurtful things my parents would say, I was in a couple horrible relationships, the whole shebang. I always felt like I wasn't good enough, because that's what people were telling me. People can tell you something over and over, and no matter how adamantly you know it's not true, you'll still believe it after years of having it pounded into your brain. I was always told that it sucked to be me, because I didn't even have a pretty face to make up for my suck body. I just felt huge and ugly. I even started hating my height. It got to the point where I felt like the ugly tree that people say they've been hit by. Six feet tall and over 300 pounds. 

I just flat out felt like I was NOT a good person. All of my 'friends' were taking advantage of my presence, and that sort of thing starts to take an effect. I was overly stressed out and not handling it well. I went a little crazy from it all and actually heard voices and hallucinations at one point. 

I can't remember when exactly, but at one point I just sat there and stared into the mirror for hours. I realized just how much I didn't like what I saw, and how much I hated who I was as a person. Something had to give, and changes needed to be made then and there. It's been several years and I'm still changing and working on things, but they're much better. I love myself, my body, and everything about my life.

Someone already said it, but I want to restate it. You've got one life to live, babes; Live it. It's no use going through life living on the what-if's and could be's. =)


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## sweet&fat (Dec 20, 2007)

Keb said:


> But are there enough FAs to go around?
> 
> *looks glum*



There are tons of FAs and plenty that would love to date you if given the chance. It doesn't mean that you want to date all of them! 

Yes, it's hard to be fat sometimes. Especially when others around you give you grief about it. I can only agree with what's been said here- boost your own confidence/happiness first.


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## Sweet_Serenade (Dec 20, 2007)

I don't have much in the way of advice to add, I'm practically jotting a lot of it down myself.
I certainly have the occasional day where I don't feel amazing about how I look.
But I always have, skinny or big, I just have self-esteem issues, and no matter what weight I'm at, they wont magically go away.
So I tend to ignore those thoughts, especially when they involve me being on the large side.
The best you can do is just live with it, we all have bad days here and there.
Just appreciate the good days and try to shake off the bad ones.
It's a battle, but love who you are, no matter what.
It's the only "you" you will ever be.
Better enjoy your time while it lasts, rather than regret, it's certainly a lesson you don't want to learn too late in life.


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## TallFatSue (Dec 20, 2007)

CodiBrock said:


> I used to live in those blah days. I was the largest girl in my school, I was getting ridiculed daily, dealing with hurtful things my parents would say, I was in a couple horrible relationships, the whole shebang. I always felt like I wasn't good enough, because that's what people were telling me. People can tell you something over and over, and no matter how adamantly you know it's not true, you'll still believe it after years of having it pounded into your brain. I was always told that it sucked to be me, because I didn't even have a pretty face to make up for my suck body. I just felt huge and ugly. I even started hating my height. It got to the point where I felt like the ugly tree that people say they've been hit by. Six feet tall and over 300 pounds.
> 
> I just flat out felt like I was NOT a good person. All of my 'friends' were taking advantage of my presence, and that sort of thing starts to take an effect. I was overly stressed out and not handling it well. I went a little crazy from it all and actually heard voices and hallucinations at one point.
> 
> ...


Yes indeedy, I'm 6ft 450lb, so this sure rings a bell with me! In junior high school I hated being the big tall fat girl and just wanted to hide, which of course was impossible at my size. The other kids called me cute names like Suzy BIgfoot and Whale Belly, which didn't exactly help matters. My epiphany came in high school when I discovered that I had a quick wit, and I became the big tall fat girl who made people laugh. It was a defense mechanism, but it worked surprisingly well and life became much more bearable. Sure glad I figured that out early in life. Eventually my veneer of confidence became more than just an act, and it actually became genuine. 

Another complication was my mother, who remains the Queen of Mixed Messages. When I was a girl she kept telling me to "clean my plate but lose the weight." Now I'm 50 and she's 75, and not much has changed. The month of December is always fun whenever my husband & I visit, as she trots out enough goodies to feed an army and gets upset if I don't eat everything she cooked and baked and otherwise slaved over just for me, and then 5 minutes later she'll ask "Doesn't it bother you to have that belly of yours hanging out for all the world to see?" Actually my mother played a major role in my path to self-acceptance, because my weight became a control issue between us when I was a girl. My fat became a symbol of my independence. Damned if I ate and damned if I didn't, so I ate everything "just to show her." Now I know that the mother-daughter relationship is often fraught with control issues, like "Do you really like your hair that way?" and "Do you really think that outfit looks good on you?" Yes, Mom, I do, so there! My mother said she just wanted what was best for me, but it sure hurt whenever she said I was way too fat ever to find a good husband. That wasn't exactly my priority in life, but I did derive immense satisfaction at my wedding when my mother beamed with pride, yet tried not to admit that she was just plain wrong. If back-pedalling were an Olympic sport, my mother would be a gold medalist. 

Sometimes ya just gotta step back and decide what is and is not truly important in life, and my fat helped teach me this. The rest is follow-through.


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## Surlysomething (Dec 20, 2007)

Thanks, everyone.

As much as i'm excited about the holidays the added "stress" can be overwhelming sometimes. 

Things are great, I really can't complain. 


I've gained quite a bit of weight (for me) this past year and it's bothering me. Sometimes I like the way my clothes feel on me now that they're a little snugger, but for the most part this is not my "ideal" size. I think I really need to take the bull by the horns for 2008 and get back where i'm more comfortable. 20lbs less and i'll feel better. Don't get me wrong, i'll always be a chunky monkey, but for my own piece of mind I need to lose a bit. I think we all have our best weight feeling area and I need to get back to mine.

Thank god I have great hair. Ha.


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## vcrgrrl (Dec 20, 2007)

I definitely have those days, especially lately. I have been single for so long, and I have to wonder why? Do I just look so bad that nobody is attracted to me? Then other days I just feel maybe I am better off. So I definitely know how you feel.


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## CodiBrock (Dec 20, 2007)

TallFatSue said:


> Another complication was my mother, who remains the Queen of Mixed Messages. When I was a girl she kept telling me to "clean my plate but lose the weight." Now I'm 50 and she's 75, and not much has changed. The month of December is always fun whenever my husband & I visit, as she trots out enough goodies to feed an army and gets upset if I don't eat everything she cooked and baked and otherwise slaved over just for me, and then 5 minutes later she'll ask "Doesn't it bother you to have that belly of yours hanging out for all the world to see?" Actually my mother played a major role in my path to self-acceptance, because my weight became a control issue between us when I was a girl. My fat became a symbol of my independence. Damned if I ate and damned if I didn't, so I ate everything "just to show her." Now I know that the mother-daughter relationship is often fraught with control issues, like "Do you really like your hair that way?" and "Do you really think that outfit looks good on you?" Yes, Mom, I do, so there! My mother said she just wanted what was best for me, but it sure hurt whenever she said I was way too fat ever to find a good husband. That wasn't exactly my priority in life, but I did derive immense satisfaction at my wedding when my mother beamed with pride, yet tried not to admit that she was just plain wrong. If back-pedalling were an Olympic sport, my mother would be a gold medalist.



This is where I'm very very lucky. While my mother and I are far from best friends, we still get along very well. We joke around with each other, call each other names, and stuff like that. 

She never once has told me things like "Do you really think that looks good?", "Are you sure you want your hair that way?", "Do you really think you should be eating that?", or other such condescending things. She's 100% supportive when it comes to my decisions for myself. Dying my hair all sorts of wacky colors? "Do you need help?" Piercing my nose? "Have fun, bleed a bit for me!" Wacky weird clothes? "I wish I had the balls to wear that fun stuff!" 

Often times, she'll compliment me on how well I carry my weight. I told her that I weighed myself at school and am 330 or so. She just eyed me up and down and said that she wouldn't guess I weighed that much, and then asked what I wanted for dinner. 

Hearing stories like this about other women and their mothers makes me appreciate mine all the more. She understands that I'm an odd little child growing up in a very different generation than her own.


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## ekmanifest (Dec 20, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm the happiest I have been in my entire life right now because of the life changes I made for myself....and my weight is near the upper end of the spectrum. Years of dieting never improved my self-image.



Me, too. I think this is the year that I finally got that I don't have to wait to start living my life until I finally lose weight.

Yes . . . do still have those days when I am less confident about my appearance than others . . . however, I try to plug through them and keep doing all the things that bring me joy, and remind myself that fat is just one of many adjectives that can be used to describe me.


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## LuvBug (Dec 27, 2007)

This topic is near and dear to me too. I haven't posted here before, but have been reading for a while. For the last couple of days I've been feeling my fat as a negative. Replaying old thoughts of it stopping me from career advancement, and meeting someone special. But, today must be my day because not only did I find this wonderful encouraging thread, but someone told me today that I have to be okay with who I am, live my life the way I want, and let life flow. Who knows what might happen, either way it's a win win: I become a better person and and enjoy being me then meet someone, or I become a better person and enjoy being me.


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## Tad (Dec 28, 2007)

LuvBug said:


> Who knows what might happen, either way it's a win win: I become a better person and and enjoy being me then meet someone, or I become a better person and enjoy being me.



Great way to look at things--and by the way, welcome to Dimensions! I hope we'll see more from you, now that you've dipped your toe in the waters 

Regards;

-Ed


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