# Girls all over me, never had a relationship.



## Bearsy (Jul 14, 2010)

(I'd like to preface this thread with: I'm not trying to be pretentious, I just don't know how else to word this)

Despite my clinical depression, anxiety attacks and demophobia(fear of crowds) I'm very popular. Everyone knows me. Anywhere I go I run into someone who knows me from somewhere or someone. Couch, is what I am to them. 
I'm a really popular guy. So much so that often times, I don't like it. I literally can not go out without being recognized by someone, and a lot of the time, it's someone that I don't recognize/remember because I meet so many new people every week, and most of the time I go out(due to social anxiety) I was intoxicated when I met these people.
One thing that sucks the most about being so popular is that I have girls all over me. "I love you!" "You're so cool!" "Everyone loves Couch"
I go to this concert series in my city every week in the summer, and as I walk down Main street I get stopped every 30 yards for a hug and a conversation. A lot of the time, its a cute girl talking to me, and some times they're girls that I have interest in, but I'm never able to turn this into any kind of relationship past a friendship. I don't know... I get so many signals and I have no idea how to interpret them. 
I'm really book smart and I can run mental circles around most of my professors, but I can't ****ing make the jump into asking someone out. I'm 20 years old and despite being so popular, I've been alone my whole life. I've never been in a relationship, never been on a date. 
I don't even know where I'm going with this thread. I just need to get it out of my head. 
I guess I'd rather be completely ignored by girls than have this weekly tease deal. Sucks. :doh:
I realize that my personality is attractive, it has to be or else I wouldn't be in this situation, but I also realize that my body is a lot less attractive(to non FFAs... I've only met one FFA and she's been in a relationship for nearly 4 years now) so I don't know how to make them outweigh the weight with the rest of me. And I don't know how to TELL when they already have done that.
Plus I'm literally broke all the time, like I-don't-have-2-dimes-to-rub-together-broke so I can't even take a girl out on a legit date even if I could/did ask one out.


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Jul 14, 2010)

What I get from reading your post is that you are unable to form relationships beyond anything superficial. Sure, your mini-celebrity might be great for your ego, but it does nothing in the way of forming meaningful relationships. Maybe your "outgoing" personality is more of a facade. Once you are forced to confront a situation where you might have to step out of your comfort zone and take a chance, you become a shrinking violet. 

Now, this is all conjecture of course. I don't know you personally and have never interacted in person with you. That being said, you also state that your weight must be holding you back. You clearly have a mentality that a girl will automatically reject you because of your weight. If you are going into conversations with this mental conditioning of outright rejection, you will more than likely not be willing to subject yourself to potential humiliation. 

While FFA's are a great and special treat for us large guys, they aren't the be all and end all. If you have the personality you claim to, then you should have no problem winning a young gal over. From a personal standpoint, I have been with exactly two FFA's in my twenty five years on earth. I have been with plenty more girls than that and I know for a fact that many of them were not FFA's; insofar as they would bemoan my weight out of caring for my health. 

Would it be easier to know a girl likes you outright because she identifies as an FFA? Sure. But life is about taking a risk. So you are couch. Learn to love it. If people are stopping you then you have something happening. Parlay it into coffee with a girl. Don't make it a romantic dinner or something complicated. Most other college students are just as broke as you. Something simple would be expected. 

Just do some soul searching and find out what it is that is stopping you from making the connections you would like to. I guarantee you that you weight is a very minor hindrance in sharing yourself with others. Any girl worth her weight will be open to getting to know a charming, intelligent guy.


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## chicken legs (Jul 14, 2010)

If you want to get laid then start teasing back..random hugs from big guys are always fun.

If you want a relationship tease but worry about sorting your shit out. Worry about getting a better education or perfecting your skill to make the money to buy the car, to pay for the bachelor pad, to woo the girl of choice, to pay for wedding bands, to pay for the wedding, to pay for the honeymoon in Vegas (wink wink), to pay for your new home together, to pay for kids.......etc.

Personally, I wish I thought about that stuff when I was your age..lol.:doh: So enjoy the single life mayane and while you busy getting your shit together (working hard and playing hard) you'll most likely bump into a few loves along the way to your thirties.


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## escapist (Jul 14, 2010)

First I say, listen to Chicken Legs.

2nd I say watch Fight Club and let it sink in, little gems like:

"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis."


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## likeitmatters (Jul 14, 2010)

escapist said:


> First I say, listen to Chicken Legs.
> 
> 2nd I say watch Fight Club and let it sink in, little gems like:
> 
> "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis."



From what I have heard and seen in various different job titles and the talk men and women talk about, it would appear that they want someone with money and a good home and looks good and well groomed and drive a nice car. All of this is fine and dandy but, I said, the real person is the person inside and not what that particular person has in a bank or what he drives.

I have a wonderful straight roommate who kind and considerate and puts up with me and I see so many wonderful things about him namely his character and his willingness to go the distance and because he is just a trucker and drives older car and not the greatest looker in the world, women ignore him and I find that to be so sad. At times, I wish he would look at me and forget women but that is another issue.

The point of this thread is that dont judge a person by what they have or the position they hold in the chosen career.... :bow:


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## theronin23 (Jul 14, 2010)

All the advice above has been good. I just want to give you some advice for when, and I say when because I have faith in you, when you get to the point of being ready to ask them out. If they friend zone you, here is what you need to do.

You need to sit down and think. You need to think long and hard (mind out of the gutter) about what you really want with this girl, because this next part could be exceedingly difficult if you're not sure you ABSOLUTELY want a relationship with the girl. Because if you don't, you could burn a bridge that might not get rebuilt.

The next step is a tricky one. You go up the object of your affection, and you tell them, point blank, that you have plenty of friends (which, luckily for you, you do), but you thought enough of her that you wanted to take it to the next level with her. So you either want to be in a relationship with her, or nothing. 

Here's the hardest part. If she says no. You walk. It's called "Taking The L" as in a wins and losses column board for any sport. You just take that L and you move on.

Now, before anyone tries to say any bull about this method forcing someone into a relationship or being emotional blackmail or something, look...if the girl already KNOWS you like her, but has chosen to friend zone you, that's fucked up on her part. This method just gets everything out on front street, because like I said, you have to think long and hard before you do this if you REALLY want the relationship.


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## FishCharming (Jul 14, 2010)

at 20 years old women aren't concerned with income, they're concerned with having a good time. 

And don't worry about relationships, at your age, they're more trouble than they're worth. Find whatever makes you happy and realize if you had a g/f she'd probably wouldn't let you do it anymore, whatever it is. And don't be desperate! Women can smell desperation and to them it smells like fermenting pig ass.

but if you stiiiiiiiill just want a lady then go and rent the Tao of Steve. Movie about a BHM who gets laid all of the time. it totally works too.


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## Zowie (Jul 14, 2010)

theronin23 said:


> All the advice above has been good. I just want to give you some advice for when, and I say when because I have faith in you, when you get to the point of being ready to ask them out. If they friend zone you, here is what you need to do.
> 
> You need to sit down and think. You need to think long and hard (mind out of the gutter) about what you really want with this girl, because this next part could be exceedingly difficult if you're not sure you ABSOLUTELY want a relationship with the girl. Because if you don't, you could burn a bridge that might not get rebuilt.
> 
> ...



I'll have to agree with Ronin, really. I mean, from what you've said, Bearsy, girls tend to take you for granted, and you just seem to be waiting for one of them to make the first move. Yeah, his method does seem a little forceful, but at least you won't get a girl to go out with you because she feels she owes you a 'pity date'. 

As for what Chicken said about figuring out your own life before getting in a relationship... she's very right. As much as I'd like to say that a stunning personality will get you the girl, that's only a short term idea. The chick might fall for you, but will (most probably) eventually get annoyed by the fact that you're not responsible for yourself, so to speak. I've had to help out my last boyfriend, and it definitely didn't make him go up in my esteem. It's not that you have to pay everything for the girl, and most are fine with splitting costs, just as long as you're able to manage yourself is fine. 
Not to mention, juggling a relationship and organizing your life can be a real headache. You need to remember which is most important, in the long run.

Now, when it comes to girls' teasing, and constantly hugging... yeah, that sucks. I think they probably don't even stop to think that those action might have a lasting effect on you either.


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## theronin23 (Jul 14, 2010)

Wait...someone agreed with me?!

Alert the media!


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## spiritangel (Jul 14, 2010)

Definately very important to figure out your life before involving someone else however on saying that there are certain things we learn about ourselves that we only learn from being in a relationship

Also are you aware that many dates dont have to cost a cent or can cost very little you mention a summer concert series, taking a picnic to that is a pretty romantic date and you can make the stuff yourself thus keeping costs down, there are soo many ways to date that are fun, and romantic without being expensive and the more imagination you put into it the more the woman you are with will appreciate it many museums and art galleries have one free day a month or times where it is cheaper to go, fishing, the beach oh sooo many things are free well worth keeping up with what is going on around you as many communities host free events and such

hugs Bearsy youw ill navigate your way through this the best way is to flirt back a little and see where it leads you


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## rabbitislove (Jul 14, 2010)

Remember that the physical to the mainstream doesnt guarantee rejection. Im a conventionally attractive (not to be egotistical) woman who will be certified to teach yoga, and I've been rejected or dumped countless times in the past 3 years. Dont let weight or conventional thoughts about weight get in the way.

Just follow everyone elses advice and doo eet. Fortune favours the bold and even if you get rejected, well, at least you tried.

First, Id recommend working out your mental health issues. You cant be in a healthy relationship with others unless your healthy yourself.

Good luck Bearsy. You are adorable and the board loves you!


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## JimBob (Jul 14, 2010)

I'm not fat, but I used to get like this all the time. My main tips would be to find the right balance of how long you've known them before you ask them out - after one or two meetings. Definitely not when you're good friends.

Also, don't get obsessive. I've lost quite a lot of potential dates in the pas due to worrying. Just bite the bullet and ask.


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## Tad (Jul 14, 2010)

Here is what struck me about your post. You have social anxiety, and in fact when going out to parties or whatever it is bad enough that you self-medicate with alcohol to the point of blurry (or non-existent) memories. And you talking about how to connect with the women that you met at those places.

Now, people are funny old things, and just like you, some of the women there may not be much of a fan of that scene. But overall people at parties and clubs are there because they want to be there, and if they got a good impression from you, it was when you were in party mode (conscious thought optional). It seems to me that these would not, on average, be the best pool of people from whom to meet a solid girlfriend?

Cutting to another way of looking at it: In your ideal world, what would you be doing with your girlfriend (once you’ve left the bedroom)? For that matter, do you want someone with whom you do a lot of things together, or someone where you connect in the evenings but largely live your own lives? Or….at this point do you just want a little bit of dating, with nothing too serious or long term, while you figure out what it is that you want? Or…..at this point do you just really want some sex, and once that drive is not quite so distracting then you can try and figure out the rest of it?

My theory on making good, strong, long term connections is:
1- be the person you want to be.
2- meet a lot of people of the type you are interested in, in manner compatible with 1.
3- build on what you have in common with people
4- be open to things happening, and willing to take a few chances.

So if the guy you want to be is out hiking and biking and kayaking, join a club that does a lot of outdoor activities, where you’ll meet some number of women who are into that sort of thing. If you are more of a book worm, take some literature classes while at college, look for book readings of authors you might enjoy, even consider volunteering at the library. If you are passionate about some cause, join the appropriate group(s) and take part in what they are doing. Etc, etc, etc. 

In some cases you may need to adapt a little bit…if you like making things by hand, woodworking or auto repair may not be too promising for meeting many women, but consider taking a pottery course maybe? The key is finding a combination of &#8216;doing something that you will enjoy and show yourself to advantage when doing’ and &#8216;an activity where you’ll meet at least a few eligible women.’

As you keep doing things with people, you have time to get to know each other more, to send and receive signals, to take little chances and see how it goes.

On a much more specific thing, I’d take a chance and get a hair cut. A very symbolic thing saying you are turning over a new leaf. Combine it with making whatever other changes you need to make in order to focus more on your own interests and meeting people who share some of them.

(FWIW, I consider this sort of the opposite of the classic pick-up artist kind of thing. Focusing on a fairly small number of more promising contacts, rather than skimming through a large number of more random ones. Both can work, but I think you need to go with your own personality as to which is better for you).

ETA: lack of money should be only a minor hindrance when meeting people of like mind....and the parties and clubs can't be free? So a little less of that and you should have a little money for something else?


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## likeitmatters (Jul 14, 2010)

not to say they are all like the ones I will post but they are out there..

Anna Nicole Smith....

New York...from vh1 or mtv forget

girls from the jersey shore...

playboy bunnies at the penthouse...

have you ever seen a very attractive woman with a older broke man in real life? Not to say they do not exist but really, get real I say. Women and Men I have encounters (especially in the gay community) money and looks and presitage and location are all big things.

But maybe I am just a cynic and find relationships to be for the most part a big waste of time and I try very hard to avoid them at all cost...


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## Zowie (Jul 14, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> not to say they are all like the ones I will post but they are out there..
> 
> Anna Nicole Smith....
> 
> ...



Not that I want to be a feminist cunt, but that you say a "typical woman" is Anna Nicole Smith and Jersey Shore chicks...
Exactly how many women do you know well?


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## HDANGEL15 (Jul 14, 2010)

bionic_eggplant said:


> Not that I want to be a feminist cunt, but that you say a "typical woman" is Anna Nicole Smith and Jersey Shore chicks...
> Exactly how many women do you know well?



*SERIOUSLY FUKN TOUCHE' BIONIC........how far off base is that :doh::doh::doh:

IC i think LikeItMatters must be a ghost put here to rile the masses with his  *


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## Zowie (Jul 14, 2010)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *SERIOUSLY FUKN TOUCHE' BIONIC........how far off base is that :doh::doh::doh:
> 
> IC i think LikeItMatters must be a ghost put here to rile the masses with his  *




Damn right, HD. Come one, let's get out of here and go find some guidos and overdose on the drugs we're hiding in our big hair.


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## Paquito (Jul 14, 2010)

I've never met any woman even close to the women you just described.

Probably because I hang out with classy dames.


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## likeitmatters (Jul 14, 2010)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *SERIOUSLY FUKN TOUCHE' BIONIC........how far off base is that :doh::doh::doh:
> 
> IC i think LikeItMatters must be a ghost put here to rile the masses with his  *



not trying to rile anyone....but I do see women I work with and I was using them as examples...and for the record I know plenty of women thank you.

and the young ladies I have in the new class I am taking at my new position, are twenty something and they are telling me the same thing over and over, that they want a man who has a job and money and a nice car etc...and I try to explain to them that they should look inside and see what the man is really like..but they do not seem to get it at all which is understandable.


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## BigChaz (Jul 14, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> not trying to rile anyone....but I do see women I work with and I was using them as examples...and for the record I know plenty of women thank you.
> 
> and the young ladies I have in the new class I am taking at my new position, are twenty something and they are telling me the same thing over and over, that they want a man who has a job and money and a nice car etc...and I try to explain to them that they should look inside and see what the man is really like..but they do not seem to get it at all which is understandable.



You are gay, they know this. 

1) Girl not around gay man - I want a guy who is handsome, loyal, driven...

2) Girl around gay man - I want a rich man, lol


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## Paquito (Jul 14, 2010)

Hey, I'm gonna say that all normal women are goldiggers only after a man with a good job, house, etc.

But no, I'm not here to offend anyone.


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## Zowie (Jul 14, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> not trying to rile anyone....but I do see women I work with and I was using them as examples...and for the record I know plenty of women thank you.
> 
> and the young ladies I have in the new class I am taking at my new position, are twenty something and they are telling me the same thing over and over, that they want a man who has a job and money and a nice car etc...and I try to explain to them that they should look inside and see what the man is really like..but they do not seem to get it at all which is understandable.



Inside is nice and all, but you don't want a guy who's doing nothing with himself, has no job, and can't carry any responsibility, no matter how sunny his personality is. Else you've just got a bum who is being dependent on you. None of them really want a billionaire, just a guy who can take care of himself.

Honestly, likeitmatters, I've had a lot of trouble putting up with what you've posted in the past. That you've said, on a public board frequented by many intelligent, successful, caring women that the typical female is a blonde bimbo who is only after money and drugs is incredibly disrespectful.

Stop being so closed-minded and turn off your television. I promise it'll help.


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## spiritangel (Jul 14, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Hey, I'm gonna say that all normal women are goldiggers only after a man with a good job, house, etc.
> 
> But no, I'm not here to offend anyone.



Sorry Paquito my ex was unemployed for the first 6 months of our relationship and I diddnt push him to find work we just shared expensis and when he was working he took me on fancier (well dinner and a movie) dates and stuff 

I have always believed in looking at who a person is rather than what they look like or how much money they have in the bank. It is about how you treat someone when your with them and who you are I think that is far more important, I hate it that the consensus is that all women are gold diggers its like saying all men want is big boobs its a crap generalisation!!!

Sorry Paquito but that really irritates me


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## likeitmatters (Jul 14, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Hey, I'm gonna say that all normal women are goldiggers only after a man with a good job, house, etc.
> 
> But no, I'm not here to offend anyone.



if what I mentioned is not true, please tell me otherwise....that way I can be corrected. And yes they know I am gay and they do not mind because they know they wont have snide remarks and such thrown at them.

A real woman will look beyond the outer and the material things and not judge them for the lack of. You do not need to believe me which is fine, I am just posting what I have seen in the real world.


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## likeitmatters (Jul 14, 2010)

spiritangel said:


> Sorry Paquito my ex was unemployed for the first 6 months of our relationship and I diddnt push him to find work we just shared expensis and when he was working he took me on fancier (well dinner and a movie) dates and stuff
> 
> I have always believed in looking at who a person is rather than what they look like or how much money they have in the bank. It is about how you treat someone when your with them and who you are I think that is far more important, I hate it that the consensus is that all women are gold diggers its like saying all men want is big boobs its a crap generalisation!!!
> 
> Sorry Paquito but that really irritates me




could not have said it better....that is the way of the world....


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## Paquito (Jul 14, 2010)

spiritangel said:


> Sorry Paquito my ex was unemployed for the first 6 months of our relationship and I diddnt push him to find work we just shared expensis and when he was working he took me on fancier (well dinner and a movie) dates and stuff
> 
> I have always believed in looking at who a person is rather than what they look like or how much money they have in the bank. It is about how you treat someone when your with them and who you are I think that is far more important, I hate it that the consensus is that all women are gold diggers its like saying all men want is big boobs its a crap generalisation!!!
> 
> Sorry Paquito but that really irritates me



Ummmm, I was sarcastically pointing out the misogynist viewpoint held by likeitmatters...


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## Zowie (Jul 14, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> if what I mentioned is not true, please tell me otherwise....that way I can be corrected. And yes they know I am gay and they do not mind because they know they wont have snide remarks and such thrown at them.
> 
> A real woman will look beyond the outer and the material things and not judge them for the lack of. You do not need to believe me which is fine, I am just posting what I have seen in the real world.



I'd love to see what your real world looks like.


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## likeitmatters (Jul 14, 2010)

bionic_eggplant said:


> Inside is nice and all, but you don't want a guy who's doing nothing with himself, has no job, and can't carry any responsibility, no matter how sunny his personality is. Else you've just got a bum who is being dependent on you. None of them really want a billionaire, just a guy who can take care of himself.
> 
> Honestly, likeitmatters, I've had a lot of trouble putting up with what you've posted in the past. That you've said, on a public board frequented by many intelligent, successful, caring women that the typical female is a blonde bimbo who is only after money and drugs is incredibly disrespectful.
> 
> ...



I hardly watch tv these days...too busy with life and my babies (cats)

R u saying that those type of women do not exist? The women here are not typical if you must know, they are from what I can see quite the opposite if the truth be known. I am telling you bionic that they exist and even men want a blonde bimbo on their side if they are rich..like Donald Trump and other well known men in society..do you see them dating the rather ho hum type woman with a brain and very little beauty? I have not seen it and I trying to make a point that is all...


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## likeitmatters (Jul 14, 2010)

bionic_eggplant said:


> I'd love to see what your real world looks like.



Come for a visit and I will gladly show you where I work and the women that work there and I will even take you out for dinner and my treat....I do not know about other places but for the most part the women here are very materialistic....and they feel and they have told me that they wont give the man anything if they do not get what they want....and do you think that is sad?


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## Paquito (Jul 14, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> I hardly watch tv these days...too busy with life and my babies (cats)
> 
> R u saying that those type of women do not exist? The women here are not typical if you must know, they are from what I can see quite the opposite if the truth be known. I am telling you bionic that they exist and even men want a blonde bimbo on their side if they are rich..like Donald Trump and other well known men in society..do you see them dating the rather ho hum type woman with a brain and very little beauty? I have not seen it and I trying to make a point that is all...



But you said that these women you work with are typical women. It's in that first post.

no backtracking.


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## BigChaz (Jul 14, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> I hardly watch tv these days...too busy with life and my babies (cats)
> 
> R u saying that those type of women do not exist? The women here are not typical if you must know, they are from what I can see quite the opposite if the truth be known. I am telling you bionic that they exist and even men want a blonde bimbo on their side if they are rich..like Donald Trump and other well known men in society..do you see them dating the rather ho hum type woman with a brain and very little beauty? I have not seen it and I trying to make a point that is all...



Did you read this post as you typed it or are you just copying posts from some other crappy website? 

You are telling her that the women here are not typical and your counter argument is Donald Trump and other men of his financial caliber and influence. Do you seriously not see how your entire post is flawed? Your entire argument is based around a scenario that includes very, very, very few people. Go outside, I implore you. Go to the mall. Look at the people walking around. I bet you anything right now that if you go to the mall tomorrow and watch people for 5 minutes you will see "average" people coming from every direction. 

You know why it's impossible to talk to you? Because you say one thing in one post and then three posts later you are taking someone else's post and re-wording it and pretending like its what you are saying the whole time.


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## spiritangel (Jul 14, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Ummmm, I was sarcastically pointing out the misogynist viewpoint held by likeitmatters...



Hugs my appologies Paquito my fault for skim reading and having a bad cold means sarcasm in typed form seems to go over my head I am truly sorry

do hope I got my point accross about not all women being gold diggers though


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## Zowie (Jul 14, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> I hardly watch tv these days...too busy with life and my babies (cats)
> 
> R u saying that those type of women do not exist? The women here are not typical if you must know, they are from what I can see quite the opposite if the truth be known. I am telling you bionic that they exist and even men want a blonde bimbo on their side if they are rich..like Donald Trump and other well known men in society..do you see them dating the rather ho hum type woman with a brain and very little beauty? I have not seen it and I trying to make a point that is all...



That's what I just said, you're looking at a very SMALL demographic posted by the media. The average woman is the same as any girl on Dims.

You know, I wish you were a troll. That way I could go to sleep knowing you're just fucking with me, not to have to think that there are people in the world with your mindset.


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## likeitmatters (Jul 14, 2010)

you will twist it around and not understand what I am saying which is fine I completely understand what you are saying....no problem and thank you for the response....


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## Zowie (Jul 14, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> you will twist it around and not understand what I am saying which is fine I completely understand what you are saying....no problem and thank you for the response....



Yeah sweetheart, because all you're saying is incredibly offensive. 

Maybe you just have a big problem wording your opinions so they come out wrong?


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## Paquito (Jul 14, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> you will twist it around and not understand what I am saying which is fine I completely understand what you are saying....no problem and thank you for the response....



Literally, in the title of your first post, you stated "typical women." Then proceeded to list well know gold diggers. YOU FREAKING WROTE THIS. I don't know how to point this out to you any more clearly than I already have.


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## bladenite78 (Jul 14, 2010)

why does it matter if you know what their signs mean? this a formula you trying to break or something? Be proactive, confident and put out your own damn signs and don't make them feeble. You are going to get rejected, its a fact, get over it because it really doesnt matter. There are no types, there are no molds, everyone is a different tapestry with different colors, size, count, courseness, and length to the stories of their lives. Its not a formula, its not a game, its not a scoreboard,its completely stochastically independent because in earnest you dont need to give a crap about all the ones you lose, you only need to find the one time you truly win. It might sound trite and covered in facade but its true, tear away all the masks of love and you find people who have loved and lost all their lives until they met the one love of their life. Do they care about the ones that didnt work out once they found the one who didnt? Nope...think of it like being a love athelete, the thing that will spell the difference between you and some lonely slob is persistence and practice.


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## escapist (Jul 14, 2010)

Ok, I was trying to leave my personal crap out of this since everybody always thinks I'm bragging, but ya'll keep goin on about money and jobs and crap to get an attractive woman. I've been unemployed for over 2 years, dated around a bit and then got nice and cozy in a relationship with chicken legs. Now keep in mind unemployed does not mean broke, but to me living on less than 2k a month feels like broke.

All I'm really saying is what I said in my first post. Don't define yourself by what you have or don't have. He with the strongest sense of reality often wins. It doesn't take hordes of money or super good looks to get laid, get a relationship, or find the person of your dreams. It takes persistence, confidence, and a drive to have faith that all things can and will work out as long as you strive your hardest to make it work.

...btw, money good looks, and all that sure as hell help! So do yourself a favor, define your personal style, get an education (traditional or non-traditional) and make your dreams happen. Don't wait for a woman to be with you to start making your life happen...most women are attracted to a man who has a sense of direction, drive and purpose. When you find her, it just makes it all the better that she gets to join you on the journey together rather than sitting there are the starting gates waiting for her to show up so you can go.




likeitmatters said:


> I hardly watch tv these days...too busy with life and my babies (cats)
> 
> R u saying that those type of women do not exist? The women here are not typical if you must know, they are from what I can see quite the opposite if the truth be known. I am telling you bionic that they exist and even men want a blonde bimbo on their side if they are rich..like Donald Trump and other well known men in society..do you see them dating the rather ho hum type woman with a brain and very little beauty? I have not seen it and I trying to make a point that is all...



Just a note, my Dad would always choose the hot blond bimbo over the smart brunette. They were always waiting and lined up for him to break up from his next wife. He was not nice, he was not gentle, he had money and power and loved to toss it around. I myself prefer the middle ground, looks and brains, I really can't hang with a woman who just blinks at me when I talk.... never-mind I guess thats not true either (looks at chicken legs). Ok, but her mind isn't blank I know what she's thinking lol. :wubu:


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## GuessWho? (Jul 15, 2010)

The prevailing assumption in 'Misogyny' epithets(ie. inclusive hatred of the female sex) are a popular fiction.

Where these attributions have some non-rhetorical basis(ie. where they are not just an ad-hominem pretext), what they are invariably observing is high-level 'sexual conflict' - which is evolutionarily justified, regardless. 

But, less attractive(inclusive of significantly 'older') men have always relied upon economic levers to secure highly contested hotties(where a relatively unattractive/old guy scores such a hottie, it comes down to some function of direct benefits - excepting some 'happy' accident of probability).

This particular invarience has been evident for millenia, but has only recently been deemed controversial(which tells us that this recent controversy is serving an agenda that has nothing to do with describing the truth).

You don't need to observe every single female to justifiably infer that this dynamic will hold in the typical female(just like we don't need to observe quantum jiggle to justifiably infer its existence, duh). :doh:

Valid inferences follow from logical agreement, rather than exhaustive 
observation.

Furthermore, citing particular cases(riddled with incomplete information) that superficially disagree, doesn't dispute anything one might assert about 'typical women' unless they challenge the funadmental assumptions of their tendency.

(debating on these forums really is like fish in a barrel for me)

And now, the contraposition:

Dimms Misologist's, UNITE!


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## GuessWho? (Jul 15, 2010)

FishCharming said:


> at 20 years old women aren't concerned with income, they're concerned with having a good time.
> 
> And don't worry about relationships, at your age, they're more trouble than they're worth. Find whatever makes you happy and realize if you had a g/f she'd probably wouldn't let you do it anymore, whatever it is. And don't be desperate! Women can smell desperation and to them it smells like fermenting pig ass.
> 
> but if you stiiiiiiiill just want a lady then go and rent the Tao of Steve. Movie about a BHM who gets laid all of the time. it totally works too.



40 yr old women are equally concerned with having a 'good time', but as their attractiveness diminishes/age increases, so to do their *opportunities*(to easily score young attractive men - ideally, rich as well).

So, you're not observing a life priority shift, so much as an *opportunity* shift(where women start focusing more on economic considerations as the young hot guys get progressively out of reach).


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## pdgujer148 (Jul 15, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> Come for a visit and I will gladly show you where I work and the women that work there and I will even take you out for dinner and my treat.



If you care to take him up on this offer please understand that you are going to dine at a chain buffet and your host is going to bitterly lecture you for leaving a buck for the sad raccoon-eyed teen that cleared away your "batter with fish", "BBQ'd Elderly Dairy Cow", and "Random desert made out of Corn Syrup".


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## theronin23 (Jul 15, 2010)

CRIMINY...I felt that one all the way over here.


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## chicken legs (Jul 15, 2010)

Dude, I really like Tad's post.


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## likeitmatters (Jul 15, 2010)

escapist said:


> Ok, I was trying to leave my personal crap out of this since everybody always thinks I'm bragging, but ya'll keep goin on about money and jobs and crap to get an attractive woman. I've been unemployed for over 2 years, dated around a bit and then got nice and cozy in a relationship with chicken legs. Now keep in mind unemployed does not mean broke, but to me living on less than 2k a month feels like broke.
> 
> All I'm really saying is what I said in my first post. Don't define yourself by what you have or don't have. He with the strongest sense of reality often wins. It doesn't take hordes of money or super good looks to get laid, get a relationship, or find the person of your dreams. It takes persistence, confidence, and a drive to have faith that all things can and will work out as long as you strive your hardest to make it work.
> 
> ...




thank you..


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## JenFromOC (Jul 15, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> not to say they are all like the ones I will post but they are out there..
> 
> Anna Nicole Smith....
> 
> ...



I don't really give a shit if someone calls me shallow or a gold digger, or whatever. I work my ass off....I'm a single mom, work full time, make six figures, have a car, and look damn good doing it. I expect the same in a partner. So, yeah, a guy that doesn't work, doesn't have a car...and isn't in a similar place emotionally AND financially isn't going to get the time of day from me. Call it what you want....but if I can make all those things work, then a man who wants to be with me can make it work too. I just don't think it's asking too much. On the other hand.....if I had less, then I wouldn't expect a partner to have more. We need to be equals in a relationship.


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## Zowie (Jul 15, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> I don't really give a shit if someone calls me shallow or a gold digger, or whatever. I work my ass off....I'm a single mom, work full time, make six figures, have a car, and look damn good doing it. I expect the same in a partner. So, yeah, a guy that doesn't work, doesn't have a car...and isn't in a similar place emotionally AND financially isn't going to get the time of day from me. Call it what you want....but if I can make all those things work, then a man who wants to be with me can make it work too. I just don't think it's asking too much. On the other hand.....if I had less, then I wouldn't expect a partner to have more. We need to be equals in a relationship.



I fully agree with Jen. 

Of course, there are exceptions, if you have a very valid reason for not having your life in order, like you were ill for a long time or whatnot. But yes, equals.


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## escapist (Jul 15, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> I don't really give a shit if someone calls me shallow or a gold digger, or whatever. I work my ass off....I'm a single mom, work full time, make six figures, have a car, and look damn good doing it. I expect the same in a partner. So, yeah, a guy that doesn't work, doesn't have a car...and isn't in a similar place emotionally AND financially isn't going to get the time of day from me. Call it what you want....but if I can make all those things work, then a man who wants to be with me can make it work too. I just don't think it's asking too much. On the other hand.....if I had less, then I wouldn't expect a partner to have more. We need to be equals in a relationship.



Ummm thats not a gold digger. That is someone wanting equal footing, however you gotta know right now your in the perfect position to be an FFA sugar mama to some of these young pups in the crowed.

Pretty sure a Gold Digger is someone who can't make it on their brains alone and is dependent on a man to give her money and power...sadly not that that its to hard to accomplish with the right looks, cup size, and sex drive.


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## escapist (Jul 15, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> I work my ass off....I'm a single mom, work full time, make six figures, have a car, and look damn good doing it.



I am a bit curious how you pull off 6 figures as a Psychiatric Technician? I don't know for a fact I was just told thats what you do. I was thinking of changing my major to Psychology, but even as a Senior Psychiatric Technician tech it only pays around 70k. Admittedly I just didn't want to spent 6 more years in school to make 100k.

Oh I got my statistics from Salery.com (Which has been pretty spot on for my industry)


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## bladenite78 (Jul 16, 2010)

how did this turn into a discussion of gold diggers and what constitutes a woman being one? shees

Honestly..I could care less if someone is on equal footing with me financially, because I dont need someone to support me financially nor does the compliment of financial support from my significant other give me any kind of warm fuzzies about our relationship. But that's me. Love and relationships to me are more of a barter economy, meaning you may have something I need more of..and I may not add the same thing to the pot that you have, but by giving you what I have and you giving me what you have, we both end up better for it.


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## JenFromOC (Jul 16, 2010)

escapist said:


> I am a bit curious how you pull off 6 figures as a Psychiatric Technician? I don't know for a fact I was just told thats what you do. I was thinking of changing my major to Psychology, but even as a Senior Psychiatric Technician tech it only pays around 70k. Admittedly I just didn't want to spent 6 more years in school to make 100k.
> 
> Oh I got my statistics from Salery.com (Which has been pretty spot on for my industry)



It's called overtime....and I work a lot of it.


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## escapist (Jul 16, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> It's called overtime....and I work a lot of it.



LOL All HAIL OVERTIME! Heheh I loved that too. I admit one time I got so bad that they started threating me if I worked any extra hours.


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## bladenite78 (Jul 16, 2010)

Damn Jenn, take a break now and then, sounds like you need a good massage and some pampering. though im sure you afford yourself those kinds of luxuries with the overtime hehe.


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## chicken legs (Jul 16, 2010)

Long term relationships are never equal..50/50 type thing. You have to be flexible and be a team player.


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## taobear (Jul 16, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> It's called overtime....and I work a lot of it.



Yeah I had a manager job I worked 80 to 90 hours a week and I was drinking every day too I don't member much about that two years. Just a kind of blur. Only reason I know I did it is the pay stubs and they fired me after that.


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## Tad (Jul 16, 2010)

I guess it depends to a good degree on when and where you meet....I'm a few years older than my wife so was making good money by the time she finished her masters, so when she then got pregnant it made sense for her to be the one to stay home with the munchkin, and she's worked part time since she did start working, so I've probably brought 97% of the money into the relationship....but I'd say she's made the bigger contribution to the whole project. She's essentially paid in 'opportunity cost' by taking on the stay at home parent role.


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## WillSpark (Jul 16, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> I don't really give a shit if someone calls me shallow or a gold digger, or whatever. I work my ass off....I'm a single mom, work full time, make six figures, have a car, and look damn good doing it. I expect the same in a partner. So, yeah, a guy that doesn't work, doesn't have a car...and isn't in a similar place emotionally AND financially isn't going to get the time of day from me. Call it what you want....but if I can make all those things work, then a man who wants to be with me can make it work too. I just don't think it's asking too much. On the other hand.....if I had less, then I wouldn't expect a partner to have more. We need to be equals in a relationship.



DAMN! 

And damn...


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## seasuperchub84 (Jul 16, 2010)

Mine is the same way, cept i like guys. I have guys all over me all the time. its nice. Totally goes against the misconception fat people get none.....in fact the more ive gained the sexier i am viewed lol.

Life really isnt boring.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 18, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> I don't really give a shit if someone calls me shallow or a gold digger, or whatever. I work my ass off....I'm a single mom, work full time, make six figures, have a car, and look damn good doing it. I expect the same in a partner. So, yeah, a guy that doesn't work, doesn't have a car...and isn't in a similar place emotionally AND financially isn't going to get the time of day from me. Call it what you want....but if I can make all those things work, then a man who wants to be with me can make it work too. I just don't think it's asking too much. On the other hand.....if I had less, then I wouldn't expect a partner to have more. We need to be equals in a relationship.



I agree with this fully. Don't need a Peter Pan or excess baggage. :bow:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 18, 2010)

I always love it when some guy comes in and tells a woman to "settle"


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 18, 2010)

How dare she want what she want. There must be something wrong with her....especially if you don't meet her criteria


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## TraciJo67 (Jul 18, 2010)

Occam's Laser, your contempt and loathing for women couldn't be more obvious. I won't bother quoting it, since I'm hoping that rage-riddled rant will be gone, right along with you.


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## escapist (Jul 18, 2010)

<grabs some popcorn and watches the show>


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## bladenite78 (Jul 18, 2010)

if that is what she wants, then its what she wants. There is little that you or I could do to change that in my personal opinion and honestly Im very little affected by the whole ordeal so it doesnt bother me. Does it bother you? Do you not fit her standards? Why do you care? She's a beautiful woman who is just like the rest of us, seeking her bliss, if its work, her daughter, her job and things..then so be it, go get'm girl. If those kinds of things arent your particular cup of brandy..then don't read it, but please refrain from typing such toxic replies, it honestly does no one any amount of good Im afraid.


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## joswitch (Jul 18, 2010)

likeitmatters said:


> not trying to rile anyone....but I do see women I work with and I was using them as examples...and for the record I know plenty of women thank you.
> 
> and the young ladies I have in the new class I am taking at my new position, are twenty something and they are telling me the same thing over and over, that they want a man who has a job and money and a nice car etc...and I try to explain to them that they should look inside and see what the man is really like..but they do not seem to get it at all which is understandable.



^Yo.
Bearsy is a young fella.
He still has good looks and youthful potential on his side.
And it seems from all the girls jumping on him that his social anxiety aside, he is in fact, pretty socially charming...

Girls his age - if they are already physically attracted to him, won't be put off if he is poor NOW. Just so long as it seems like he has some kind of medium to long term prospects of getting some scratch together and is actively working at it (like chicken legs said), then his $$$ situation right NOW, won't put her off.....
As long as you don't live at home anymore and your pad isn't totally disgusting, you're in with a shout.

Serious. I coasted along on just that & music for what? better part of twenty years... Ladies showed some love!


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## escapist (Jul 18, 2010)

joswitch said:


> ^Yo.
> Bearsy is a young fella.
> He still has good looks and youthful potential on his side.
> And it seems from all the girls jumping on him that his social anxiety aside, he is in fact, pretty socially charming...
> ...



I agree with pretty much all of this.


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## joswitch (Jul 18, 2010)

Bearsy said:


> (I'd like to preface this thread with: I'm not trying to be pretentious, I just don't know how else to word this)
> 
> Despite my clinical depression, anxiety attacks and demophobia(fear of crowds) I'm very popular. Everyone knows me. Anywhere I go I run into someone who knows me from somewhere or someone. Couch, is what I am to them.
> I'm a really popular guy. So much so that often times, I don't like it. I literally can not go out without being recognized by someone, and a lot of the time, it's someone that I don't recognize/remember because I meet so many new people every week, and most of the time I go out(due to social anxiety) I was intoxicated when I met these people.
> ...



Dude.
1 - *learn to play the guitar*. Or any instrument. Or sing. Or even dj.
Get really good. Get out there and perform. Open mics. Busking. At parties. If you can't afford to pay for dates, then *be* the event, invite the girl to watch (it's a date of sorts). Trust me on this!
2 - what theronin said.
3 - what chicken legs said.


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## escapist (Jul 18, 2010)

joswitch said:


> Dude.
> *1 - learn to play the guitar. Or any instrument. Or sing. Or even dj.
> Get really good. Get out there and perform. Open mics. Busking. At parties. If you can't afford to pay for dates, then be the event, invite the girl to watch (it's a date of sorts). Trust me on this!*
> 2 - what theronin said.
> 3 - what chicken legs said.



Yep I found anything creative or artistic can be a serious win in your corner. Here is a tip you don't even have to be famous or anything. Just learn 1 song and learn it well.

I should add there was a time in my early 20's I did the website (virtual for free) for a Artist Promotion Company. They didn't have the $$$ to pay me so they gave me the hookup to ALL Shows for free. Back-stage passes the full 9 yards. This ended up becoming huge for me, because I could always bring as many people as I wanted. My dates ate for free, got the VIP treatment, free meals, show everything. Hell in the end when I got married, my favorite artist came and played classical acoustic as a wedding gift for me. It was the coolest ever.

Soooooo yeah what Jo said...go for it man!


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## joswitch (Jul 18, 2010)

Occam's Laser said:


> So, any guy not making 6 figures is either immature or a burden?
> *snip*
> 
> But keep drinking the Hollywood Kool-aid while trying to 'beat the odds'.



^BangbangSPLORTbangbangRULCHbangbangPLORCHLL! 

MEDICCC!!!! ^Dude just shot hisself in the dick! Like, 6 times!

Oh gohd, don't look, it's hawwwwwribble!
*barf*


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## Tad (Jul 19, 2010)

Occam's Laser sure sounded like a couple of other names we'd have around here lately. I'm guessing the same person coming in with new identities? Whatever, what a bag of bitterness and hot air


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## johniav (Jul 19, 2010)

Dating can be a tough game to play. Remember, that accept for aproaching the person you are intending to ask out with respect, there are no rules. I go with an approach that is alot like what dracula would do. I'll say: you are getting vedy, vedy, sleepy....now that she is in a trance i'll move to phase B: Then I'll make respectful sugestions: you vant to release whats in your refridgerator to me. phase z or c, suggestive selling: What time shall we meet tomorrow for our date.
All jokes aside, just go up to the next girl that you like and with out thinking about it say: Hi ya doing have you seen the new movie "....." ? really? ok what movie haven't you seen? ok ya wanna see it tomorrow?


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## Buffetbelly (Jul 19, 2010)

I have a son about your age, and he could have written your post, almost. Any advice I might have is more relevant to a bygone era --haven't been able to guide my boy very well through the dating world. In my day, all you had to do was say, "Wanna dance?" Life is not as simple these days!


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## theronin23 (Jul 20, 2010)

Tad said:


> Occam's Laser sure sounded like a couple of other names we'd have around here lately. I'm guessing the same person coming in with new identities? Whatever, what a bag of bitterness and hot air



Well...I think that the simplest explanation is that he's a pretentious prick who's full of himself. So, that would make me correct, right Occam?


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Jul 20, 2010)

Occam is gone...hopefully this time for good.


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## theronin23 (Jul 20, 2010)

BLUEeyedBanshee said:


> Occam is gone...hopefully this time for good.



Can't you IP ban people?


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Jul 20, 2010)

Yes we can, but he's a little complicated.


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## BigChaz (Jul 20, 2010)

theronin23 said:


> Can't you IP ban people?



IP ban takes approximately 3 seconds to get around for anyone who can type www.google.com and look up how.


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