# Posers ...



## HDANGEL15 (May 8, 2006)

I am relatively new to this circle, and in my short vist I am absolutely overwhlemed how many fakes / posers are here.

My experiences to date in the last few months include at least 10 online mail relationships in which the men would generally NEVER SHOW me a head / face shot. Others were hot and heavy daily mail communications or online chatting..then POOF...they dissappeared or changed their minds.

I guess I am learning there is TONS of fantasy here, much more so then REAL LIFE. I am kind of sad..as I genuinely have fantasized about a relationship with me as the FFA..helping a man grow to his potential, cookin, feeding, rubbing, worshipping his belly / body while I stayed small and made him look all the bigger <G>....but I realize it takes time,

Just wondering what other FFA experiences have been. I guess patience is the key here

LOVE N RESPECT to all alike
xxo W
ps..its funny as I was referred to a POSER early on..and was rather shocked , appaled..cause i am anything but, I must have posted incorrectly..never figured that out?


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## Tad (May 8, 2006)

I think you are right that for a lot of people the whole gaining thing is a strong fantasy, but one that they are not certain about turning into a reality.

I think that is fine--but people should be open about how much of this is exploring their fantasies, and how much they think they are ready to do in reality.

-Ed (who is trying to keep this strictly to fantasy, although it is a hard thing when faced with a carton of ice cream...)


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## falstaff400 (May 8, 2006)

Sorry you've had such frustrating experiences. There are a lot of people who hang out just for the fantasy, and some who crave it precisely because they would never follow this course for real.

For others of us (como yo), this isn't just fantasy; it's not even really a 'lifestyle'. It's my life. My big fat hairy life. I love it, and I wouldn't trade it in for anything, but it's not for everyone.

Just consider the last few months a crash course in spotting the posers, and keep looking. The fatboys are out there.

And some of us aren't too far away from Maryland, either.


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## manwithfatlegs (May 8, 2006)

Gaining has been a fantasy for me for ages, but I have always worried about being shunned as a fat person - the way society looks down its nose at anyone that does not comply with the image of "Perfect Health." Which always means thin! I have come to terms with my desires, and have decided that getting fat is what I want to do with my life. Sharing that desire with someone else is a bold step for a person (of any gender) to make, and indeed that is what I feel. 
I would love to be nurtured and fed by someone that appreciates my growing body, and acknowedge the effort and devotion that person would make in doing so. 

I can't speak for others, but I can understand how you feel let down by people that may just have got out of their depth, or just got scared at what was happening to their bodies.


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## Ladyrose1952 (May 8, 2006)

I cannot tell you how many times that I have been contacted through the years and how many wonderful things have been said to me in the past here on the internet by these ships that pass in the night.

 The contact will go on for awhile, then all of a sudden, nothing.,.... I have even tryed to re-contact them wondering if they are alright and still got no answer back.

 What is up with all this, why bother if you are just going to toy with a person, is the internet just a place to play games and to avoid any real physical contact with a good person?

 Is there no honor with people anymore, do we just hide here and toy with people's emotions and think that it doesn't hurt just the same? Sometimes I think that flirting online is a joke as I never take any of it seriously anymore. I feel that these men that contact me are just so bored with life that they have nothing better to do than to play these stupid, immature games and they have nothing better to do with their sad little lives than bother decent women that would otherwise be a loving companion to them if they would at least be honest with who they are and not be so aggressive or assertive about only their sexual desires or fantacies. It is a total waste of my time here on the internet to say the least. 

 Yes, I do chat with a select few, but the only ones that I keep on my contact list are the ones that I feel are worth any of my time at all, the other's are just players wasting my time and I never add them from the beginning.

 I seriously doubt that true romance will I find here with these fools that play these games. I am an honest woman with honest desires, but I won't be bothered with someone that is totally unworthy of my attentions or passions. It would be like throwing away a good shirt because it had gone out of style. If you love the right way, it never goes out of style.:bow:


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## crazygrad (May 8, 2006)

I'm not excusing this type of behavior (the hot and heavy email contact and then disappear) but I do think in some ways the internet facilitates such transitory contact. In general, people have lost a lot of skills from the internet, how to write a letter, usage of proper English, polite interaction and so forth. One of the "so forth" things that is lost is the fact to face interaction from actually meeting people. It has gotten easier to act in a caddish way or to forget about someone's feelings when you don't have such a direct relationship as you get in in person relationships. That's not to say that internet relationships can't be intimate and intense- they often are. But not sitting in th same room with another person, for many, can lead them into thinking the relationship, or the people involved, are somehow less real. I know that doesn't help, but sometimes thinking about the media helps such a rebuffing to feel less personal.


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## Obesus (May 9, 2006)

...I've been coming around Dimensions for going on just about seven years now and I have seen the pattern over and over again...contact, then silence, contact, then silence....the Internet may be a good tool for gathering information, but it is not terribly successful with building social relationships at all. The few times that I have actually met an FFA in the flesh here in San Francisco after Internet meetings were...shall we say...difficult! One was married and never bothered to tell me; another got married quite suddenly mid-stream in our discussions....three more had, again, to put it delicately, fundamental problems that went beyond my limited scope of practice!
I really advocate for the idea that there is value in folks on the board here helping each other gain social skillsets to use out in the real world, but that is where the rubber hits the road...the coffee houses and social establishments of the world. 
Since I am in recovery as is just about everyone I know, the usual bars and such are out of the question..so we are down to: poetry readings, art openings, museum shows, bookstores, films, music shows, performance art, beatnik coffee houses and Meetup groups are not a bad idea at all! I run one here in SF and while it hosts no FFA's it is a damn fun group of wonderful folks whom I have grown to love. The secret is that we meet-up in the real world, not in cyberspace! The more esoteric organizations to which I belong are perhaps not appropriate to mention in these hallowed halls, but you get the idea...get out and frammus the World a bit! :bow:


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## missaf (May 9, 2006)

Speaking of contact then silence, I miss Jeannie


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## Obesus (May 9, 2006)

...unknown and untrammeled for months at a time, she usually does check in....I was just thinking of her tonight...so something is definitely up on the airwaves.....



missaf said:


> Speaking of contact then silence, I miss Jeannie


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## manwithfatlegs (May 9, 2006)

crazygrad said:


> I'm not excusing this type of behavior (the hot and heavy email contact and then disappear) but I do think in some ways the internet facilitates such transitory contact. In general, people have lost a lot of skills from the internet, how to write a letter, usage of proper English, polite interaction and so forth. One of the "so forth" things that is lost is the fact to face interaction from actually meeting people. It has gotten easier to act in a caddish way or to forget about someone's feelings when you don't have such a direct relationship as you get in in person relationships. That's not to say that internet relationships can't be intimate and intense- they often are. But not sitting in th same room with another person, for many, can lead them into thinking the relationship, or the people involved, are somehow less real. I know that doesn't help, but sometimes thinking about the media helps such a rebuffing to feel less personal.



The telephone began to remove the personal face to face contact. When you are not in the same space as another person, and not able to see their face, you lose the visual information that conveys. The Internet is a further removal of these signs, both visual and aural. The sort of people that frequent The Internet can be thrill seekers, or just cads. There are a lot of genuine people though, who behave on the 'net as they would in the presence of another. I think it is a problem borne out of our modern times, and technology - making it too easy for people to be insincere. For what it is worth, I am not that sort of fly-by-night character, I treat everyone without exception, the way that I would like to be treated myself. I too have suffered at the hands of others who play with your feelings and feel that they can walk away without any explanation. The hurt is real even if the "virtual" relation ship does not seem so.


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## Buffetbelly (May 9, 2006)

I have probably made a couple people scratch their head in the same way, and I have had it happen to me many times. I can only speak for myself, but a couple of common things are:

1. Suddenly finding out a major incompatibility. An illustrative mini-play:

_"Oh, I adore you HDANGEL, my belly fat is all for you my precious! Oh, what's that, you're into tattoos and Harleys? That's nice." <runs away screaming, never to be heard from again>_

2. Running out of things to say. Unless a correspondence evolve into a shared journal or two-author diary, the "hot topics" and especially the major sex fantasies are played out somewhere around the 20th e-mail or so. If the Internet duo in question really has nothing more in common than the fantasy aspect, this may become the end of the road.


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## LJ Rock (May 9, 2006)

Meeting people on line can be a slippery slope, with lots of complexities attached to it. However, lots of people I know, myself included, have had success with it.

I think the key is that on line relationships can't really last as on line relationships for very long... they need to become real-life relationships quickly, or they will most likely just die off. If it dies off then it was never really meant to be, no big loss... but if there is really a spark there, then e mail or IM correspondance should lead to phone calls, should lead to face to face interaction fairly quickly.

I think that the on line thing is good for weeding out the "duds" though. I seem to have met just as many insincere people in real life as anyone could meet on the net! Years of clubbing and bar hopping lead me nowhere... it is so hard to really see what someone is all about in a room full of drunk and stoned people, air full of smoke, music so loud you can't even hear yourself think. And once I was out of college, my face to face interaction with females became even more limited. Being able to go on line, read someone's profile and see there photo really gives you a much clearer idea of who they really are and whether or not they are someone you would be interested.

Definately don't waste your time with someone who won't send you a picture! In this day and age, everyone who is on line has at least one digital photo of themselves. If they aren't sharing it, then they are hiding something! 

But I am happy to say that I finally met someone special, and I have never been happier! We met on a dating site (one that caters to BBWs and FAs.) I think you are correct in asessing that a lot of people come here just for the fantasy aspect, not necessarily to make lasting relationships. That is not to say that there aren't a lot of really wonderful folks here on this board, nor is it to say that it would not be possible to make a "love connection" here on the board. 

I think once you've met someone and established a connection with someone, regardless of where you meet them, that's the time to start sharing fantasies and desires.... early enough that you're being up front and honest about what you are looking for, but not right out of the gates maybe. If you're looking for something sincere and lasting, let them know that before you are an FA or FFA or Feeder or BBW or whatever, that you are a real person first, with real feelings looking for something real. 

I wish you all the best of luck in your search. 

PS - I do agree with the point that the internet has made a lot of people neglect basic manners, like using proper English and proper form when writing to someone. Not that people weren't doing those things before the internet, but now it has just become more acceptable.


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## HDANGEL15 (May 9, 2006)

to all those that wrote from your experiences and from the heart. 
i do appreciate all the insight...
as they say *INSaNITY IS DOING THE SAME THING OVER AN OVER AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS*

I live and learn...and I am truly amazed how many men (and i am sure women say this too) a/ have a brand new compter no pics on it
b/ their computer just crashed..lost all their pics
c/ pictures are on OTHER computer
d/ NEw to internet and technology.......LJ ROCK said it....its 2006..no one doesn't have a digital image or access to one...geez....this is a good red flag for me generally

and I have found that if someone is hesitant to call me talk...theres probably a good reason...like a wedding band HEHEHE..........

so thanks 4 sharing your thoughts all xxo Love n Respect WEndy


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## Garfield (May 10, 2006)

HDANGEL15 said:


> ...as I genuinely have fantasized about a relationship with me as the FFA..helping a man grow to his potential, cookin, feeding, rubbing, worshipping his belly / body while I stayed small and made him look all the bigger <G>....but I realize it takes time...


HDAngel - I would love it, I have these Fantasies too but don't find a FFA, who wants to stay small... The only problem, I'm from Germany, far from You...

How can we help each other?


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## Buffetbelly (May 10, 2006)

LJ Rock said:


> I think the key is that on line relationships can't really last as on line relationships for very long... they need to become real-life relationships quickly, or they will most likely just die off. If it dies off then it was never really meant to be, no big loss... but if there is really a spark there, then e mail or IM correspondance should lead to phone calls, should lead to face to face interaction fairly quickly.
> 
> I think that the on line thing is good for weeding out the "duds" though.


 
So true! But the short duration relationships and correspondences are worthwhile and fun too as long as you don't overinvest in them. And you can always pick up where you left off at a later date, usually. :wubu:


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## lipmixgirl (May 10, 2006)

hey angel,

my take is that 98% of those on the internet, are just that - on the internet... case in point, trying to get people here in the NYC metro area to come out is like pulling teeth... fortunately, i have amassed a core group of girls here... but the men - forget about it... 

i have just decided that the majority of people who get online do so to get off...


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## Dibaby35 (May 10, 2006)

After many many years of internet chatting, dating whatever. My golden rule is never get serious about someone until u meet them. Took me awhile to learn that rule let me tell u....my heart broken a couple of times will do the trick. Yeah its amazing that people don't realize there is an actual human being on the other side with feelings. I also take a long time to decide to meet someone so I guess to the ones who want quick action I'm a no go for you. It takes time to really figure someone out and look for the "red flags"


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## Obesus (May 11, 2006)

I was in SF Bay Area NAAFA for many years, but it just wasn't really comfortable...so I tried to start a fat-acceptance Meetup group here in San Francisco and I couldn't get one single person to RSVP, much less actually show up for a meeting even though we had quite a few people on the website for the group! I had the same thing happen for years with Yahoo groups...it is just about impossible to get fat folks, much less the gaining oriented ones out of the shadows of the closet...but hope springs eternal and I usually give it a shot every year or so...the best period was when SF Bay Area NAAFA was meeting at the Girth and Mirth clubhouse...it was less pressured and more fun...I am still planning toward an event in Las Vegas for the Fall...if I can get two other people from the board to come, it will be a history shaking event! :shocked: 



lipmixgirl said:


> hey angel,
> 
> my take is that 98% of those on the internet, are just that - on the internet... case in point, trying to get people here in the NYC metro area to come out is like pulling teeth... fortunately, i have amassed a core group of girls here... but the men - forget about it...
> 
> i have just decided that the majority of people who get online do so to get off...


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## sweetnnekked (May 11, 2006)

Hey HDA15, I don't know what's wrong with those other guys but I'd be happy to send you my photo if you want it!
As for why, I can only surmise how they feel as compared to how I've felt in the past.
I, when first confronted by a woman who was interested in me for "size" reasons, was extremely skeptical. We talked for many times on the phone and she told me that at one time, she had been fat herself and wanted the fat guys to get the chances she had not! We finally set up a date. When date night came, she blew me off. Not only was she a no-show but she never answered the repeated phone calls I made. 
The next time, many years later, I met a beautiful woman at a concert who had to practically beg me to go out with her because I was so put off by the thought of rejection. She ended up being the love of my life that sadly never came to be  . She and I had wonderful times and she adorned me with praise of both my size and intellect. Needless to say, I was in heaven and would have settled down with her for an eternity. However, certain circumstances made this not to be.
When I moved to Seattle, I vowed not to get back in the "women aren't interested in big guys" mode and immediately started placing personals. I was quite honest about who I was and who I was searching for. I had many hits and went on lots of dates. None were horrid but none panned out either. Then a particular woman contacted me and we ended up sharing a wonderful rapor on-line. She sent me her photo and I sent mine. She, in my opinion, was a veritable Goddess! Of course, I wondered why someone like her would be interested in someone like me but, I decided not to dwell on it. She wanted to meet so we set up a date. I made reservations at my favorite French Bistro. I was ready for the whole works, nice candlelit dinner, wine, fine food, after dinner aperitif. That night just happened to have a terrible ice storm. I told her not to come because she was driving but I could walk to the restaurant. She insisted that the storm was not too bad and that she'd be there on time. I waited, and waited, and waited, three hours to be exact and she never showed up or called. The following afternoon she finally called to apologize saying that the roads really were too bad and she took it as a sign that we should never meet. 
Forgive me if I'm a bit leery when a woman finds me attractive and try to forgive those other guys too!
We're not all posers, some of us are just as jaded as you. We've been hurt and let down too many times!!


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## AZ_Wolf (May 12, 2006)

For what it's worth, I'd say the last woman did you a favor. Anyone who will spend time communicating regularly, exchanging photos and opening up to the point where you're about to meet, and then she decides to forget the whole thing because the weather was bad one day and *it was a sign you should never meet* has "flake-o-rama" written on her forehead, IMO. That level of flakitude would have surfaced somewhere, at some point, and would have been that much worse if things had progressed for you two.


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## LoveBHMS (May 13, 2006)

Part one: this is, for many participants a fetish/fantasy venue. I don't think anyone posting about being fatter then they are or having fantasies makes them liars or bad people, they are merely indulging in a fantasy in a safer way then doing it in real life. Everyone involved should be aware of this.

Part two: I once chatted with a man who referred to a 'relationship' he'd been in. After a few chats it came out that he'd never met the woman. They'd had an online 'relationship' for something like 2 years. IMO, a situation in which you've never met, seen, touched or had a drink with somebody is not a relationship and you are kidding yourself if you think otherwise. The notion that a keyboard and monitor are relationship venues needs to be approched carefully. 

Part three: People can behave that same way IRL. Everyone has had a situation where they went on a great date and the person never called again. Or several great dates. Or they got left at the alter. It may be harder to do so, but you CAN just disappear from a real life relationship too.

Part four: Relationships started online can and do work. Maybe it depends on how you met online [if you met on a dating site or started chatting on a site devoted to a common interest and chose to meet IRL] or on the individuals involved. I recently for the first time in my life talked on the phone with a man I started chatting with on here. I never intended to meet anyone online, and neither had he, but we wound up finding we had a lot in common, I had seen pics and knew his last name so knew he was 'legit' and when we talked, we found we had a lot in common. In a way, it's not different from meeting somebody in any other venue where you never thought you'd meet somebody.


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## estrata (May 13, 2006)

I will always be an advocate for meeting someone online. I met my husband online, and I always say &#8211; finding a guy online is like going shopping at Amazon, you have a lot more selection and you have a bit of time to think before you order. ^_^ I was never one to go to bars and such, but it seems to me like it’s better to get to know a bit about a person instead of going somewhere for the express purpose of drinking and meeting men. I don’t see how those two things mix at all, if you really want to find a relationship. But getting to know a little about them first - almost like reading the synopsis of a book before you buy it &#8211; just helps you weed out the totally incompatible ones. And find the nice chubby guys, too. ^_^

Anyhoo, I think it’s been said, but try to find guys that are close and meet them ASAP. I mean within the 1st month, if that. I didn’t even exchange photos with my hubby before we met &#8211; we e-mailed maybe three or four times and then I said “let’s meet”. Not having a photo isn't the end of the world - just find out what the other one will be wearing. Now this was my first experience with online dating, and his, so maybe we didn’t follow protocol… but I think meeting early is _definitely_ the way to go. Because it takes an hour to type something you could understand in a minute with body language, and even then it might come off wrong in an e-mail. Creeps can type like gentlemen, and gentlemen can type like idiots… but it’s much harder to hide that stuff in RL. Humans evolved to read friend or foe, mate or… not mate. You know what they say, 90% of communication is body language.

So yeah, really, you need to meet the guy fast. If he won't meet when you ask, be strong and leave it. You don't get attached, and there are other fish in the sea. I know some guys will say "oh, but I'm not ready to meet yet." But you have to think about your feelings too, and if after a year of e-mailing he ends up pulling a disappearing act... well, that's no good for you. So the best thing, I think, is to set a time limit on how long you’ll talk to a guy before you meet.

Also, don’t go all out with a date. Don’t even make reservations for dinner, because you might end up sitting alone at a table for hours. Meet in a public place on a Saturday afternoon &#8211; outside, a museum, whatever &#8211; where you can sit and eat a donut and enjoy yourself. If he shows, great, if not &#8211; well, you spent some quality time in a place you like with some yummy food, and no one is the wiser for you getting stood up. So it’s all good. 

P.S. I love your tattoo. ^_^ Lucky kitties, woot!


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## Morbid (May 13, 2006)

lipmixgirl said:


> hey angel,
> 
> my take is that 98% of those on the internet, are just that - on the internet... case in point, trying to get people here in the NYC metro area to come out is like pulling teeth... fortunately, i have amassed a core group of girls here... but the men - forget about it...
> 
> i have just decided that the majority of people who get online do so to get off...



I know how you feel.. i cant find hardly anyone in this area who wants to get together.. i mean Detroit was ranked the #1 fattest city in the US and all i see is big people ... but they are either rude, shy or just crabby.. oh well.. i'll find my people up here... hit me up sometime lipmixgirl .... later,
Morbid


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## Reads4Work (May 14, 2006)

I have just skimmed the posts, so forgive me if I repeat things that have been written. First of all, I don't necessarily think the Internet is any different than anything else. Everyone's always talking about meeting people who "don't play games." While my experiences on the Internet have bordered horrific, I do have friends that married people they met on the Internet. I think you simply meet more people faster here, so therefore, the abundance of people playing games should be higher only because of the volume. 

Second, this board is for BHM, and those that admire them. I don't believe one has to be wanting to continue to grow, or get really fat. I am probably small by some of the standards here (5'10" - 230s), however, while it would be nice to meet someone who likes bigger guys, I don't think I would want to be around a 'feeder' so to speak. I don't want to get much bigger than another 40 pounds. I could probably do that in a couple three months if I put my mind to it. So if I were to have conversations with anyone here, I would certainly love to have someone cook nice, big meals, feed me, and play some interesting sexual games, but I'd have to stay active (walking, lifting weights etc) to avoid severe health issues, and keep from exploding. And there would be a cap on the weight. Some of the fantasies I have read from the FFAs would suggest that I'd reach that cap pretty quick . . . and then what? 

I think the issue of fantasy goes both ways.


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## Tori DeLuca (May 14, 2006)

HDANGEL15 said:


> I am relatively new to this circle, and in my short vist I am absolutely overwhlemed how many fakes / posers are here.
> 
> My experiences to date in the last few months include at least 10 online mail relationships in which the men would generally NEVER SHOW me a head / face shot. Others were hot and heavy daily mail communications or online chatting..then POOF...they dissappeared or changed their minds.
> 
> ...



You are defintely NOT the only one who has experienced this
There is only ONE man I have met IRL who is who he says he is but for reasons beyond my control I havent been able to get together with him. He has grown SO lovely since our last meeting and I am dying to see him again but my poor little piggy and I just cant seem to get it together
Ahhh what to do....
everyone else? FAKE...
Very sad actually *sigh*


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## HDANGEL15 (May 14, 2006)

Reads4Work said:


> I am probably small by some of the standards here (5'10" - 230s), however, while it would be nice to meet someone who likes bigger guys, I don't think I would want to be around a 'feeder' so to speak. I don't want to get much bigger than another 40 pounds. I could probably do that in a couple three months if I put my mind to it. So if I were to have conversations with anyone here, I would certainly love to have someone cook nice, big meals, feed me, and play some interesting sexual games, but I'd have to stay active (walking, lifting weights etc) to avoid severe health issues, and keep from exploding. And there would be a cap on the weight. Some of the fantasies I have read from the FFAs would suggest that I'd reach that cap pretty quick . . . and then what?
> 
> 
> (((REads)) I hear u loud n clear here...IN MY FANTASY..i meet a chiseled lean dude...ready to stop being a FANATIC and dying to eat to his hearts content and watch his abs dissappear as a beautiful layer of fat replaces them and grows into the *PERFECT* beach ball gut, of cousre he has a power lifters body and huge arms and strong lets etc HAHAHA..now my REALITY is I am more likely to meet a man thats what i might call chubby (low-mid 200s) ready to baloon just 50=100# and still be the sexiest FAT MAN I know...i am down with that totally and that is realistic 4 me....although via the internet i talk to tons of young dudes insisiting they want to go 500-600 or to IMMOBILTY? I am not buying that..but it sincerely is FANTASY for many perhaps xox Wendy


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## Reads4Work (May 15, 2006)

> I hear u loud n clear here...IN MY FANTASY..i meet a chiseled lean dude...ready to stop being a FANATIC and dying to eat to his hearts content and watch his abs dissappear as a beautiful layer of fat replaces them and grows into the *PERFECT* beach ball gut, of cousre he has a power lifters body and huge arms and strong lets etc HAHAHA..now my REALITY is I am more likely to meet a man thats what i might call chubby (low-mid 200s) ready to baloon just 50=100# and still be the sexiest FAT MAN I know...i am down with that totally and that is realistic 4 me....although via the internet i talk to tons of young dudes insisiting they want to go 500-600 or to IMMOBILTY? I am not buying that..but it sincerely is FANTASY for many perhaps xox Wendy



I hear you Wendy on the fantasy thing. When I was skinny the fantasy was very similar, only I was the "lean dude" as you say, just itching to eat to my heart's content. The hope was to find a woman that not only wanted me to get big, but that she would take great pride in my size. I always had this image of her with one hand on the nape of my back, and the other hand rubbing the belly she helped create. All the while, her head buried in my chest, with a 'pleased' look on her face.


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