# Can Someone Help Me?



## 1love_emily (Jan 6, 2011)

Okay, so I'm in need of advice.

There's this guy, Matt, who I have a crush on. He's smart, cute, talented, funny, etc, etc.... But he's been dancing back and forth between "single" "it's complicated" and "in a relationship" on facebook all week. Tonight his status was something like "oh, I'll never get a girl that'll be with me very long". So I sent him a message saying "oh matt, don't worry. You're smart, you're really really cute, you're talented, you're funny, you're kind, and you're just super. There will be a girl for you soon enough. Be ready to open your heart to anyone." thinking that MAYBE he'd be able to catch my drift.

We continued to talk. I asked him out (to go get coffee and see a movie) and he said yes! But not even 20 minutes later, he's all up on my news feed as "in a relationship"... and it's not with me. 

What happened? Is it safe to still pursue him? Or should I back off? Should I tell him I like him? What should I do?


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## olwen (Jan 6, 2011)

My opinion: back off. He's wishy washy and doesn't know what he wants. Not worth the effort.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jan 6, 2011)

My opinion,he is still a kid and does not really know what he wants..He will be a flip flopper for years..Best bet is just be friends and leave it at that..


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## mossystate (Jan 7, 2011)

Sounds like maybe you are both in the same boat, pining for other people. I don't know that anything ' happened '. Perhaps, if he has never hinted that he would like to date you, he viewed the invite as friendly, and that's it.

Has he told you he is no longer wanting to go for that coffee and the movie ? If he hasn't, then you have to decide if you are OK with not dating him and being only a friend...and not being upset with him if he is not interested. 

If his life is in such turmoil right now...would you really want to pursue? Sounds to me like you saw a lull and thought it a good time to make a move. You have to be able to see the wrong moves you are making, and not have this all be about his wrong moves. The excited energy is understandable, but this screams......not a good idea.


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## CastingPearls (Jan 7, 2011)

Emily, you are a lovely woman with much to offer. You deserve a guy who is crazy about you and should never EVER settle for less than that. Leave indecisive boys to others. Concentrate on what makes you happy in life because a happy fulfilled woman is most attractive, desirable and worth pursuing to the happy man who wants her.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 8, 2011)

From the information you gave, it doesn't seem like he is interested in you as more than a friend. I would just cancel the movie/coffee thing, unless you really think it won't be hurtful to you at all. But if you're going to keep hoping that maybe he'll wise up and see how awesome you are (which you sure seem to be), I'd say just move on...this guy isn't worth it.

And while that was nice of you to give him all those compliments via FB - truthfully, if a guy is into you, you usually don't have to be putting yourself out there so much and really trying to get things rolling. (I'm just saying this because I used to have a tendency to put myself out there all the frickin' time in ways like that. You are worth making the other person do 50% of the work in getting things going. Always remember that.)


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## toni (Jan 8, 2011)

He will drive you crazy but it might be worth the ride. As long as you don't put too much emotion behind it, go for him!


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## luscious_lulu (Jan 8, 2011)

Mossy & castingpearls are giving you great advice. 

At this point he seems emotionally messed up & if you get involved he'll just mess you up too. You deserve better.


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## PeanutButterfly (Jan 8, 2011)

From my experience, I'd say this guy has no clue what he wants. Guys like that are great to be friends with (since you don't want to date someone who might be into someone else) but once you're "friend zoned" its hard to get out. I didn't know until my current boyfriend how easy dating is supposed to be, at least the inital first date/"I like like you" part. If you have to wonder about a guy's feelings for you he's probably not worth the heartbreak. None of mine were anyway. Good luck


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## toni (Jan 9, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Emily, you are a lovely woman with much to offer. You deserve a guy who is crazy about you and should never EVER settle for less than that. Leave indecisive boys to others. Concentrate on what makes you happy in life because a happy fulfilled woman is most attractive, desirable and worth pursuing to the happy man who wants her.



I agree with this to a point. She looks young and her profile says she is a student. No need to look for anything intense right now. I say, meet him for coffee and take it from there. He doesn't know what he wants and neither should she. A casual date is harmless.


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## CastingPearls (Jan 9, 2011)

toni said:


> I agree with this to a point. She looks young and her profile says she is a student. No need to look for anything intense right now. I say, meet him for coffee and take it from there. He doesn't know what he wants and neither should she. A casual date is harmless.


I agree with this but she needs to be honest and ask herself as Mossy pointed out upthread --will she be okay with it being casual and not going further...there's nothing wrong with casual and just enjoying the here and now.

Emily, from reading your other posts elsewhere, you like other young men too and I think thats wise to not pin your hopes on one guy because you should explore as many options as possible to decide what you like and what you want from a date, from a guy and eventually from a relationship.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 9, 2011)

My guess was that since she was concerned enough about the situation to type out the situation and ask for advice, it wasn't on the frivolous, casual level. So I answered under that assumption, but very well could have read it wrong.

What did you decide, Emily?


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## phoenix92901 (Jan 9, 2011)

Hi Emily (love the name since it's my name too!),

I agree with the others who say he doesn't seem to know what he wants. Do you know what you want with him? If it's just friendship, then go for coffee and enjoy his company. If you're hoping for something more, you may find yourself in a world of hurt so nip this in the bud. You deserve to be woo'd and pursued... wait for the man who does both.


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## jewels_mystery (Jan 10, 2011)

Run as fast as you can. You will only end up being a substitute until he finds what he is looking for.


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## 1love_emily (Jan 10, 2011)

Okay, well, here's the new deal.

Matt is now single. We are not set up to go on a date, however, we are still friends. I don't really want to make anything more than friends with him right now. Maybe later, once he figures himself out. 

This gives me more time to look around and develop my new found sense of confidence. 

Thanks for all the help ladies! I love you all, and I think the Dims community is fantastic.


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## 1love_emily (Jan 11, 2011)

I figured that I should now post updates? If you don't want me to, just tell me to shut up, and I shall.

Well, I talked to Matt last night for a long time, and we ended up talking about crushes... I said how I didn't think that the person I liked knew I liked them (I had forgotten this whole thing, and was talking about a different boy, honest!) He said that the person did, and quickly logged off. About last night at, hmm, 2 am I realized what had happened, so I sent him a message saying something like (and I'm paraphrasing here) "It wasn't you I was talking about, but another kid. I want to be friends, and maybe more later, with you, it's just that were not there yet. So yeah"

And that was it. He said "haha yeah okay" and we've been back to talking about Beethoven. Yep.


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## olwen (Jan 11, 2011)

A. why would you say that if that wasn't how you felt?
B. If he does the equivalent of giggling and hanging up then he's immature. I'm still of the opinion that you should just stay friends with him.


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## 1love_emily (Jan 11, 2011)

olwen said:


> A. why would you say that if that wasn't how you felt?
> B. If he does the equivalent of giggling and hanging up then he's immature. I'm still of the opinion that you should just stay friends with him.



Someone had pointed out above that I had said I had multiple crushes (Which is very true... I'm swinging between three and four now)... so it is true.

And also, we are just friends for now. I don't want any more and he doesn't want any more. 

Thanks though... I'm still a little meh-ish over this whole thing with him.


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## olwen (Jan 11, 2011)

1love_emily said:


> Someone had pointed out above that I had said I had multiple crushes (Which is very true... I'm swinging between three and four now)... so it is true.
> 
> And also, we are just friends for now. I don't want any more and he doesn't want any more.
> 
> Thanks though... I'm still a little meh-ish over this whole thing with him.



Then I'm confused, didn't you ask the question because you were also interested in going out with him?


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## 1love_emily (Jan 11, 2011)

olwen said:


> Then I'm confused, didn't you ask the question because you were also interested in going out with him?



Yes, I did. He is/was one of the people that I have a crush on.


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## olwen (Jan 11, 2011)

1love_emily said:


> Yes, I did. He is/was one of the people that I have a crush on.



Then if you make him think you aren't interested then that's what he's going to think. Just sayin.


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## 1love_emily (Jan 11, 2011)

olwen said:


> Then if you make him think you aren't interested then that's what he's going to think. Just sayin.



I'm not interested right now. When I told him I was interested, he told me no. 

Yes, I still think he's cute and sweet and smart and nice, but I'm not going after him anymore. There's another boy who kind of popped up...


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## olwen (Jan 11, 2011)

1love_emily said:


> I'm not interested right now. When I told him I was interested, he told me no.
> 
> Yes, I still think he's cute and sweet and smart and nice, but I'm not going after him anymore. There's another boy who kind of popped up...



Oh, okay. Have fun then.


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## Tau (Jan 13, 2011)

1love_emily said:


> I figured that I should now post updates? If you don't want me to, just tell me to shut up, and I shall.
> 
> Well, I talked to Matt last night for a long time, and we ended up talking about crushes... I said how I didn't think that the person I liked knew I liked them (I had forgotten this whole thing, and was talking about a different boy, honest!) He said that the person did, and quickly logged off. About last night at, hmm, 2 am I realized what had happened, so I sent him a message saying something like (and I'm paraphrasing here) "It wasn't you I was talking about, but another kid. I want to be friends, and maybe more later, with you, it's just that were not there yet. So yeah"
> 
> And that was it. He said "haha yeah okay" and we've been back to talking about Beethoven. Yep.



Emily if a man really wants you he will pursue you. I have yet to meet a man who when genuinely interested in a woman does not go after her. Very happy you're letting this one go - he's clueless and really not worth all the agony.


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## bonified (Jan 13, 2011)

Never make someone a priority while remaining their option.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 13, 2011)

bonified said:


> Never make someone a priority while remaining their option.



Amen. Amen. and Amen.


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## Myn (Jan 13, 2011)

bonified said:


> Never make someone a priority while remaining their option.



Yes. This. A thousand times this.


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## gobettiepurple (Jan 14, 2011)

bonified said:


> Never make someone a priority while remaining their option.



this should be posted in the single girls survival guide, as i am always telling something with a similar sentiment to my single girl friends who cant understand why someone isn't devoting the same amount of crazy-want-to-call-you-but-i-am-playing-the-waiting-game-with-you after a date or some other instance of romantic entanglement . . . 

I think it deserves a thrice post! and yes, I said THRICE!


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