# Mergirl has been banned!!!!



## GoldenDelicious (Jul 7, 2009)

Well, too late to talk Mergirl out of taking a break from Dims as she has been banned. She tried to find out why and it says you have been banned, see infraction but she cannot see it?

This really is too much. Read my post are moderators homaphobic before this gets removed too. 

I'm bemused because Mergirl didn't do anything wrong and she is now feeling like there is blatant homaphobia going on here. Please veryone support her, send her rep and ask the moderators why they banned her and how can see see the infraction when she cannot even log in.

I'm actually disappointed and disgusted!!


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## joswitch (Jul 7, 2009)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Well, too late to talk Mergirl out of taking a break from Dims as she has been banned. She tried to find out why and it says you have been banned, see infraction but she cannot see it?
> 
> This really is too much. Read my post are moderators homaphobic before this gets removed too.
> 
> ...


This all seems verry strange! Mer is ace! what she suppposed to have done? I did read your other thread too... wtf is going on?


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## imfree (Jul 7, 2009)

Look at this. No comments from me.
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1220505&postcount=546


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## JerseyGirl07093 (Jul 7, 2009)

I don't understand this at all! Could someone please explain to me why she was banned? All we were doing was having a little celebration on the GLBTQ board and she put up a post asking if anyone wanted to join us. The post was then removed. Why, I don't know. Then she asked why the post was removed. Now she's banned? Really, what the heck is going on?!


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## GoldenDelicious (Jul 7, 2009)

joswitch said:


> This all seems verry strange! Mer is ace! what she suppposed to have done? I did read your other thread too... wtf is going on?


She's done nothing! she wasn't personal with anyone, she merely invited people to join a queer party on dims. It was meant to be friendly and fun and open to anyone. See LGBTQ board for other comments. bizzare!


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## joswitch (Jul 7, 2009)

imfree said:


> Look at this. No comments from me.
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1220505&postcount=546



dude what thread was that from?


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## GoldenDelicious (Jul 7, 2009)

GoldenDelicious said:


> She's done nothing! she wasn't personal with anyone, she merely invited people to join a queer party on dims. It was meant to be friendly and fun and open to anyone. See LGBTQ board for other comments. bizzare!


they've now deleted her post on the blah blah blah thread and she had posted a thing which had fuck you fuck you fuck you bla bla bla. The web master replied to her in a joking manner about it as he got the context Now the other parts of the whole rant have been deleted and left the fuck you bit to make her look really contentious. it's like bad editing on reality TV. what a carve up!!!


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## fatgirlflyin (Jul 7, 2009)

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> I don't understand this at all! Could someone please explain to me why she was banned? All we were doing was having a little celebration on the GLBTQ board and she put up a post asking if anyone wanted to join us. The post was then removed. Why, I don't know. Then she asked why the post was removed. Now she's banned? Really, what the heck is going on?!




The post wasn't removed, just moved to the appropriate forum. She got angry and posted several times in different places including the FU post. I'm not a moderator but it doesn't surprise me that this happened.


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## GoldenDelicious (Jul 7, 2009)

GoldenDelicious said:


> they've now deleted her post on the blah blah blah thread and she had posted a thing which had fuck you fuck you fuck you bla bla bla. The web master replied to her in a joking manner about it as he got the context Now the other parts of the whole rant have been deleted and left the fuck you bit to make her look really contentious. it's like bad editing on reality TV. what a carve up!!!


p.s it was a whole rant about homaphobia and she wasn't directing fuck you at anyone in particular. like I say BIG BROTHER IS EDITING YOU!!!


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## JerseyGirl07093 (Jul 7, 2009)

Where was the post moved to? No one could seem to find it.


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## joswitch (Jul 7, 2009)

GoldenDelicious said:


> they've now deleted her post on the blah blah blah thread and she had posted a thing which had fuck you fuck you fuck you bla bla bla. The web master replied to her in a joking manner about it as he got the context Now the other parts of the whole rant have been deleted and left the fuck you bit to make her look really contentious. it's like bad editing on reality TV. what a carve up!!!



Ok... 
Hmmm I don't really know the rules on these boards (as I haven't been arsed to read them) I'm gobsmacked they'd ban someone as cool and fun a Mer for a lil' f*** you.... I mean even if it's against the rules - maybe mod delete that post and a warning? if that... pfft we're all grown ups here right?

weirdness...


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## GoldenDelicious (Jul 7, 2009)

Ella Bella said:


> The post wasn't removed, just moved to the appropriate forum. She got angry and posted several times in different places including the FU post. I'm not a moderator but it doesn't surprise me that this happened.


no YOU ARE WRONG!

Her post did get removed. A moderator sent her a PM saying it was getting removed until they decided what to do with it. She challenged this decision saying it was homaphobic, THEN they added it to the LGBTQ forum. Besides which what would be the point in inviting everybody to an LGBTQ party on the LGBTQ board whan thye would already see it and be there. The point was to invite non gay to join the gay party so it wasnt moving it to a correct forum. The PM Mergirl got told her that her thread had caused a dust up. What is a dust up if it was not them being homaphobic?


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## joswitch (Jul 7, 2009)

Ella Bella said:


> The post wasn't removed, just moved to the appropriate forum. She got angry and posted several times in different places including the FU post. I'm not a moderator but it doesn't surprise me that this happened.



Ah.  thats' a shame... I rilly liked Mer's posts....


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## exile in thighville (Jul 7, 2009)

hm. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


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## MatthewB (Jul 7, 2009)

So... is she coming back on the 22nd, or not?


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## GoldenDelicious (Jul 7, 2009)

imfree said:


> Look at this. No comments from me.
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1220505&postcount=546


Stay on the fence if it feels safer for you. I'm not meaning to offend but the link you are referring to had been edited as I said was already responded to by the webmaster who did not ban her for this.

Read the other comments too please. She wasn't told why they banned her. Any way she will decide if she wants to come back but if she doesn't neither will I.


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## BarbBBW (Jul 7, 2009)

i think maybe a time out,... maximum if anything was needed!! 
as I said in the other thread maybe 2 hours,.. no way 2 weeks, thats nuts!!


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## GoldenDelicious (Jul 7, 2009)

MatthewB said:


> So... is she coming back on the 22nd, or not?


she's not decided yet


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## Paquito (Jul 7, 2009)

NO!

I love Mergirl .
Please come back to us after the ban! Dims just wouldn't be the same without you .


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## Mathias (Jul 7, 2009)

That really sucks!  She's awesome.


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## mossystate (Jul 7, 2009)

She's not dead! I hope she is enjoying some Jebus Juice.


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## Suze (Jul 7, 2009)

awwww, i'll miss having someone to pick on 

(don't you dear leave us, din dumme ku!)


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## TallFatSue (Jul 7, 2009)

BarbBBW said:


> i think maybe a time out


I don't know the specifics of this case, but once or twice a year I temporarily ban myself from this forum. Such as:

1. When I put one or both feet in my mouth, which, given the size of my feet, is an impressive accomplishment. Then again, given the size of my mouth, maybe not. :doh:

2. When an election campaign is in high gear and _verdammte_ polical messages are embedded everywhere. I'm a moderate, so liberals think I'm conservative, and vice versa. 

3. When I simply need a break. Sometimes my doggone real reality interferes with my virtual reality. 

Then after a few weeks or months, I returned rested and relaxed, and try to be on my best behavior. Welllll, at least until the next time I make a fool of myself and/or fall on my big fat ass again. 

As far as I'm concerned, the moderators are genuinely reasonable human beings who do a fantastic job in what is usually a thankless task. I don't agree with all their decisions, and some of them confuse the dickens out of me. But they're their decisions to make, and the good far outweigh the bad. When you get right down to it, it's a minor miracle that a forum of this quality exists at all, and that our Webmaster devotes so much time, effort, resources and money to it.


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## Blackjack (Jul 7, 2009)

You can't keep this bullshit drama to one thread?


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## Wild Zero (Jul 7, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> You can't keep this bullshit drama to one thread?


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## madvfxartist (Jul 7, 2009)

I am relatively new here and all, but Mergirl was always nice, and I liked her! You will be missed, chickie!


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## BarbBBW (Jul 7, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> You can't keep this bullshit drama to one thread?



Oh shut up you are always being mean!!


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## StarWitness (Jul 7, 2009)

Noooooooooooooooooo!


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## MisticalMisty (Jul 7, 2009)

BarbBBW said:


> Oh shut up you are always being mean!!



Umm..how was asking someone to stop making multiple threads about the same topic being mean?

Come on now...seriously.

People are banned all the time...let her wait out her infraction and then she can come back and it'll be like she was never gone...seriously.


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## BarbBBW (Jul 7, 2009)

MisticalMisty said:


> Umm..how was asking someone to stop making multiple threads about the same topic being mean?
> 
> Come on now...seriously.
> 
> People are banned all the time...let her wait out her infraction and then she can come back and it'll be like she was never gone...seriously.



because he is always negative thats why, and this was an usual kind of "banning" thats all


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## Weeze (Jul 7, 2009)

BarbBBW said:


> because he is always negative thats why, and this was an usual kind of "banning" thats all



Barb, barb, barb.
First off, if you knew him you'd know he's not mean... at all. like BY ANY stretch of the imagination.


Oh and um yeah. Mergirl was banned. 
OH GOD.
Really, I think all this attention is ridiculous. Dimensions is SO homophobic. That's why there's a queer board. Aren't there even a few mods that identify as bisexual/queer? like. Come the hell on.


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## BarbBBW (Jul 7, 2009)

krismiss said:


> Barb, barb, barb.
> First off, if you knew him you'd know he's not mean... at all. like BY ANY stretch of the imagination.
> 
> 
> ...



you are right, I do not know him, maybe if i did i would understand him more,...


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## Mack27 (Jul 7, 2009)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Read my post are moderators homaphobic before this gets removed too.





> Homa, a religious practise in Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism, involving making offerings into a consecrated fire.



It does sound a little scary!


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jul 8, 2009)

Lord knows I've been given many two week time outs. You always get a warning first. You then have a chance to stop pissin the Mods off. Anyway, I hope she comes back.


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## MatthewB (Jul 8, 2009)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Lord knows I've been given many two week time outs. You always get a warning first. You then have a chance to stop pissin the Mods off. Anyway, I hope she comes back.


That's the thing about it: Was she warned first? It just seems so... _abrupt_. :blush:


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## Shosh (Jul 8, 2009)

I love Mer. She is ace. She supported me when I got my 24 hour ban.

Come back soon Mer!

xoxo


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## stan_der_man (Jul 8, 2009)

Kudos to you Mergirl! I've only had my posts censored, deleted, threads locked or vanished into oblivion because of me, many of which for reasons I still don't quite understand... But I've never been banned...

Ya got me beat!  

I look forward to your return Mergirl... See ya on "Hyde Park, Revisited" until then!


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## toni (Jul 8, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> You can't keep this bullshit drama to one thread?



I was just about to say, deja vu.


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## Mini (Jul 8, 2009)

Mergirl's a lovely _[d-word]_, and the thought of you two going at it warms my cockles, but please, grow up. And this is coming from a dude who's been banned, and got over it.

Seriously, it sounds like she blew some steam off in the wrong direction. Give her a chance to simmer down and maybe she'll learn something from this debacle.

(And the moral SHOULD be: Everyone, gay, fat, thin, straight, ugly, whateverthefuck, fucks up. When you get called on it, don't go on the attack. That shit's for clowns.)


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## William (Jul 8, 2009)

Well minis the F word some people on Dimensions have been allowed to post messages like that over and over and over with no consequences to be paid.

William 





imfree said:


> Look at this. No comments from me.
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1220505&postcount=546


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## Mini (Jul 8, 2009)

William said:


> Well minis the F word some people on Dimensions have been allowed to post messages like that over and over and over with no consequences to be paid.
> 
> William



It's one thing to stub your toe and say "aw, fuck!" It's another to tell the owner of the house to go fuck his stupid fucking ass because he's a fucking asshole who sucks.


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## William (Jul 8, 2009)

I still think that the "special people" on Dimensions who are allowed to post anything they want on a thread as many times as they want are much more of a problem.

Still if she was talking directly to Conrad he does not deserve that!!!

William




Mini said:


> It's one thing to stub your toe and say "aw, fuck!" It's another to tell the owner of the house to go fuck his stupid fucking ass because he's a fucking asshole who sucks.


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## Mini (Jul 8, 2009)

William said:


> I still think that the "special people" on Dimensions who are allowed to post anything they want on a thread as many times as they want are much more of a problem.
> 
> Still if she was talking directly to Conrad he does not deserve that!!!
> 
> William



From what I've gathered she was less than gracious and understanding when informed of her behavior. The reaction goes a long way towards determining whether you get hammered or not.

And for the record, you don't see the PMs that get exchanged when a mod takes me to task for crossing the line. Just sayin', there's a lot that goes on to which you're not privy.


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## William (Jul 8, 2009)

Hi Mini

Well she could have handled it a little better 

What is a shame is that if she was treated like on of the "Dimensions special people" her post would not have been questioned or moved and this incident would have never happened.

William




Mini said:


> From what I've gathered she was less than gracious and understanding when informed of her behavior. The reaction goes a long way towards determining whether you get hammered or not.
> 
> And for the record, you don't see the PMs that get exchanged when a mod takes me to task for crossing the line. Just sayin', there's a lot that goes on to which you're not privy.


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## Emma (Jul 8, 2009)

William said:


> Hi Mini
> 
> Well she could have handled it a little better
> 
> ...



What are you on about? Really? 

So who are these mythical special people who can do what they want? Because I'm sure as shit that you don't know what goes on behind the scenes so will never know if this person is repremanded or not. 

Plus, I believe a lot of the banning is due to infractions. Ie: If you post something against the rules you get an infraction, if you get X amount of infractions you are automatically banned. Therefore the people who you deem as special may have had one or two infractions over time that have lapsed, whereas, mer may have gotten a few after her kick off. I know the mods can also ban you outright if they wish. 

Either way, I still don't have a clue who or what you're on about.


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## William (Jul 8, 2009)

Hi

I have been told by a moderator that they are not going to be held accountable, there are no behind the scene PMs that we do not know about. It is hard to debate with a person who is not held to civil behavior while the rest of us are.

I am about what is important to me, which is a level playing field.

William





CurvyEm said:


> What are you on about? Really?
> 
> So who are these mythical special people who can do what they want? Because I'm sure as shit that you don't know what goes on behind the scenes so will never know if this person is repremanded or not.
> 
> ...


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## Tanuki (Jul 8, 2009)

what the crap....

This is temporary right?


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jul 8, 2009)

William,

I have to tell you I usually agree with you but not this time. I can honestly say, with no fear of being corrected, that I have gotten many, many infractions in the time I've been around here. And I was once (many moons ago) banned by Conrad "forever" from Dimensions. And even then, I was given more than a few chances to stop what I was doing. In all the years I've been here I have never known the Mods or Conrad to just ban someone with no warning. It's just not done.

I can tell you tho, if you tell any of the Mods or Conrad to "fuck off", you're going on a vacation. Ask me how I know.


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## William (Jul 8, 2009)

Hi Sandie

I am all for banning as long as everyone faces the response of being banned. There have been many threads on Dimensions where groups of people have been allowed to go wild and take over a thread and they are never banned.

William (never banned) 





Sandie_Zitkus said:


> William,
> 
> I have to tell you I usually agree with you but not this time. I can honestly say, with no fear of being corrected, that I have gotten many, many infractions in the time I've been around here. And I was once (many moons ago) banned by Conrad "forever" from Dimensions. And even then, I was given more than a few chances to stop what I was doing. In all the years I've been here I have never known the Mods or Conrad to just ban someone with no warning. It's just not done.
> 
> I can tell you tho, if you tell any of the Mods or Conrad to "fuck off", you're going on a vacation. Ask me how I know.


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## Shosh (Jul 8, 2009)

William I have been banned once for 24 hours. I was given an infraction and a warning.
It was probably a good thing that I had a 24 hour time out, as it gave me a chance to step back and cool off over what was bothering me.

Some of what some people here write upsets and offends me too, but I have learnt that those kind of people are not even worth a moment of my precious time getting upset over.

I have to say that I miss Lala. Does anybody know how she is? She was banned, and I have not heard from her since.


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## wrestlingguy (Jul 8, 2009)

Let's try a different approach here.

I'm gonna start off by saying like Tall Fat Sue did on another thread that she temporarily bans herself at times, I do the same. I have many reasons for doing so, but an important one is that I will force myself to not say something that would intentionally hurt someone, which I have done to some people here in the past.

I have come to know & respect MerGirl and her contributions to this forum. We have both repped each other on more than one occasion.

I have also come to know & respect Conrad & many of the other mods here. I disagree with them often, but you'd never know it by my posts, simply because I've learned (and am still learning) how to exercise restraint, and that certain battles are not that important to win.

Dimensions is a business enterprise. Conrad is the owner. I wouldn't think of coming to someone's place of business cursing & screaming. Yeah, maybe a few years ago I might have, but not now. I've found that I can make my points without resorting to what I used to say and do. Maybe I'm just getting old.......maybe MerGirl is in the place I was several years ago, who knows?

For me.............bottom line. I'm in someone else's home here, and if I have to take a dump, I'm going to ask where, even if deep down I might want to dump right on their floor. It's just protocol, and respect, that's all.

I hope you come back, MerGirl. I will miss your insights if you don't.


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 8, 2009)

GD-

I have to seriously recommend that you calm down.

Not one other poster has been able to see even a trace of homophobia on the board, that alone should tell you something. Many regular posters are openly gay or lesbian; I don't know if any of the mods are.

Mer's ban was _temporary._ Many people, myself included, have gotten temporary bans. If she chooses to come back when the ban is over, she will do so, it's entirely up to her.

You seem really stuck on this 'special people can do what they want' thing. To some degree, I think it's true. There are some posters here with longevity on Dims and/or the fat rights/acceptance movement and many of them have been real life friends for years. A couple of them occaisionally take jabs at me, one recently covertly called me an "asshole". And I basically just have to swallow it and move on if I choose to post here. In most environments, certain people get away with things--I'm sure it happens in the workplace or in social environments. Just how it is.

You seem super angry though that mergirl is not getting special treatment despite clearly having done something for which she was disciplined. I don't know the story and it's none of my business, but you seem over the top resentful that she's not getting a free pass to do and say whatever she likes.


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## Russell Williams (Jul 8, 2009)

"The man (or person) who pays the piper calls the tune." It is my understanding that one person pays most or all of the costs of this board. That person chooses who is allowed to help run the board he pays for. The rest of us can play by that person's rules or not come to his party.

I was repremanded for being to specific about the results of applying a particular proposed law. I promptly backed out and said I would try to follow the rules as I understood them. Shortly thereafter that particular form ceased to exist.

I had no complaints. I have never contrubulted a dime to the costs of this site. "The person who pays for the site makes the rules"

Russell Williams


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## William (Jul 8, 2009)

Hi Susannah

I can and have dealt with anything anyone has said to me on Dimensions.

There is a core group of people here who are allowed to post repetitive disruptive messages that amount to a electronic version of a kid sticking his fingers in his ears and screaming "I can't hear you" and sticking his tongue out. They are never banned.

William




Susannah said:


> William I have been banned once for 24 hours. I was given an infraction and a warning.
> It was probably a good thing that I had a 24 hour time out, as it gave me a chance to step back and cool off over what was bothering me.
> 
> Some of what some people here write upsets and offends me too, but I have learnt that those kind of people are not even worth a moment of my precious time getting upset over.
> ...


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jul 8, 2009)

William said:


> Hi Susannah
> 
> I can and have dealt with anything anyone has said to me on Dimensions.
> 
> ...



If you are going to continue to make that accusation, then just name names and stop the mystery.


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 8, 2009)

Susannah said:


> William I have been banned once for 24 hours. I was given an infraction and a warning.
> It was probably a good thing that I had a 24 hour time out, as it gave me a chance to step back and cool off over what was bothering me.
> 
> Some of what some people here write upsets and offends me too, but I have learnt that those kind of people are not even worth a moment of my precious time getting upset over.
> ...



So THAT'S what happened to Lalacity!! I thought she just got sick and tired of us and moved on. I do miss her.  Mer too for that matter. Two threads later and I'm still completely mystified as to why she was banned. I didn't see any ban-worthy material out there. Rumors of it being deleted, moved, edited, camoflaged, things being whispered in the bushes, etc. What really happened?


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 8, 2009)

William said:


> Hi Susannah
> 
> I can and have dealt with anything anyone has said to me on Dimensions.
> 
> ...



William

You are as welcomed to your opinion of this kind of behavior as anyone else. The behavior in question however is not against the rules. The alleged behavior of mer apparently was, whatever that was since I'm still unclear. You yourself have a colorful record of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating the same message over and over in otherwise productive threads for what is going on four years now. In my opinion you hardly have a platform from which to make such claims about others. You're right in there with them, whoever they are.


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## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2009)

I don't know what happened, and I don't care. That's between Mer and the moderators. 

I will just say this: I <heart> you, Lisa. I don't know if homophobia is truly a problem here ... my personal opinion is that if it is, it is contained to a select few and not a pervasive theme ... but I know that you have mentioned many times that *you* feel this is a problem, and I don't think it would hurt anyone (including those passing harsh judgments in this thread) to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. I'd rather see reassurance that moderating decisions had nothing to do with homophobia and an explanation of why the action was taken then blanket ridicule, calls for you and GD to "calm down" and outright dismissal of your feelings (not suggesting that any moderator do so in this thread, as any actions taken would be between you, the moderators, and Conrad and not our business). 

A lot goes on here that I don't agree with, but here I am, and here I remain. There are a lot of good reasons to stick around. I hope that you will be back once your time out expires. I would miss you, terribly, if you stayed gone for good. As I've told you many times before (and still probably not enough ) ... you are one of my favorite peeps here. I love your witticisms and your sly humor and your kind heart.


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## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2009)

MisticalMisty said:


> Umm..how was asking someone to stop making multiple threads about the same topic being mean?
> 
> Come on now...seriously.
> 
> People are banned all the time...let her wait out her infraction and then she can come back and it'll be like she was never gone...seriously.



umm, telling someone that their posts are "bullshit drama" is pretty much the textbook definition of mean.


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## William (Jul 8, 2009)

Hi Lilly 

I only repeat myself because others repeat themselves, the difference is that I always read their input and then answer proving that they were wrong 

If I was to repeatedly post material pasted out of a cookbook instead of answering a question in a thread then I would be like the people that speak of. On most forums their behavior would be considered trolling.

William





LillyBBBW said:


> William
> 
> You are as welcomed to your opinion of this kind of behavior as anyone else. The behavior in question however is not against the rules. The alleged behavior of mer apparently was, whatever that was since I'm still unclear. You yourself have a colorful record of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating the same message over and over in otherwise productive threads for what is going on four years now. In my opinion you hardly have a platform from which to make such claims about others. You're right in there with them, whoever they are.


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## dragorat (Jul 8, 2009)

*I don't know the whole story but I will say this.To me BANNED is a permanent thing.Mer has been given a time out.That is a temporary thing.The decision to come back when permitted is up to her.I used to be an Op in a chat room.There were times I had to kick or ban someone.The person was always warned.They didn't always agree but it was done.*


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 8, 2009)

William said:


> Hi Lilly
> 
> I only repeat myself because others repeat themselves, the difference is that I always read their input and then answer proving that they were wrong
> 
> ...



And that's where you've lost me William. I don't know of anyone who posts cookbook recipes.  That I would remember because I could desperately use a few good recipes. As for people who post irrelevant drivel in threads in a deliberate attempt to disrupt dialogue they don't care for, I've seen that happen and dislike it myself. As annoying as they are I wouldn't go so far as to say they should be banned immediately. I can't quite place a core group of special folks who do this repeatedly without reprimand though. Only one person comes to my mind really.


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## William (Jul 8, 2009)

Hi Lilly

That was just a example but people have disrupted threads by posting numerous comments about food to drown out all other conversations.

Your own description is better than mine ..........As for people who post irrelevant drivel in threads in a deliberate attempt to disrupt dialogue they don't care for, I've seen that happen and dislike it myself......

There are groups of people who do this, not just one, but they are always the same people. 

I am going to bow out of this conversation because the subject should be Mergirl and I will miss her because she liked to travel to all the forums and she always added something good.

I will say that if she was given the liberties that some people receive here things would never have escalated. 

William




LillyBBBW said:


> And that's where you've lost me William. I don't know of anyone who posts cookbook recipes.  That I would remember because I could desperately use a few good recipes. As for people who post irrelevant drivel in threads in a deliberate attempt to disrupt dialogue they don't care for, I've seen that happen and dislike it myself. As annoying as they are I wouldn't go so far as to say they should be banned immediately. I can't quite place a core group of special folks who do this repeatedly without reprimand though. Only one person comes to my mind really.


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## Tad (Jul 8, 2009)

Two weeks, for a first infraction and without a warning sounds pretty harsh. It does sound like Mer let her anger get the best of her judgment in a couple of the posts, but she has been generally a very positive force around here, IMO. I'd have thought at most a day to simmer down would have been appropriate, if some of the posts were really over the top (I've not seen them, so can't say).

It was probably time for me to take a proper time out anyway, so I think I'll sit this one out with her. It wouldn't be half as much fun without her posting anyway. See you all in a couple of weeks.


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## CamileL (Jul 8, 2009)

O_O

I used to think only anime fans did stuff like this...

It sucks when a person you like gets banned (temp or permanent), but it doesn't help anyone if you defend improper behavior. We agreed to abide by staff/admin decisions when we joined Dims. Don't always have to like said decisions, but we do have to be respectful in how we go about expressing our issues. That said, I can understand Mergirl's reported upset. It is very frustrating to have a thread that you thought was within rules called into question. That does not change the fact that her way of dealing with her frustration was out of bounds. I have nothing against Mergirl. I think she's a decent person. For all we know, she probably wouldn't have handled things the way she did had she not been so upset. Still, to allow someone to behave in such a manner and still permit them free access to the forums would undermine the staff's authority. It would basically say to the members "you don't really have to follow the rules... Hell, you don't even have to respect us." I tell you from experience: that never ends well.

If you really want to help her out, let her know that you're still her friend whether she's on Dims or not. If she decides to come back and runs into another situation like this, suggest a different outlet for her frustrations (blog rant, a good book, good drink, punching bag, etc.) And remember: sometimes you have to be the friend with the bail money.


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## fffff (Jul 8, 2009)

...


But seriously, you can't just throw around words like "homophobic," and expect there to be no consequences. That's a very serious accusation.


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## mossystate (Jul 8, 2009)

Middle-age woman in the house! You young whipper snappers mocking us...go to your rooms!!


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## Geektastic1 (Jul 8, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> I will just say this: I <heart> you, Lisa. I don't know if homophobia is truly a problem here ... my personal opinion is that if it is, it is contained to a select few and not a pervasive theme ... but I know that you have mentioned many times that *you* feel this is a problem, and I don't think it would hurt anyone (including those passing harsh judgments in this thread) to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. I'd rather see reassurance that moderating decisions had nothing to do with homophobia and an explanation of why the action was taken then blanket ridicule, calls for you and GD to "calm down" and outright dismissal of your feelings (not suggesting that any moderator do so in this thread, as any actions taken would be between you, the moderators, and Conrad and not our business).



I second this. I think this was all a big misunderstanding, and not discrimination on the moderators' part, but I can see why Mer felt how she did and got pissed off. I don't think Mer got a very good explanation about her post, and I can see why she felt upset. Like you say, a little reassurance and explanation would have gone a long way. 

Anyway, I love Mer because of how she says exactly what she feels. She makes me laugh the most of anybody on here. Please come back when your ban is over, Mer. I'll miss you if you don't.


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## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2009)

Geektastic1 said:


> I second this. I think this was all a big misunderstanding, and not discrimination on the moderators' part, but I can see why Mer felt how she did and got pissed off. I don't think Mer got a very good explanation about her post, and I can see why she felt upset. Like you say, a little reassurance and explanation would have gone a long way.
> 
> Anyway, I love Mer because of how she says exactly what she feels. She makes me laugh the most of anybody on here. Please come back when your ban is over, Mer. I'll miss you if you don't.



Lisa has this marvelous ability to be both oblique AND overt  

I am sometimes literally stupified by how astute she is (because this is not one of my strengths I tend to be in awe of people who have this talent), and by the nuggets of irreverent wisdom peeking through the lines of something that she's written. 

You will be sorely missed for the few weeks that you are gone, Lisa ... I absolutely refuse to believe it will be for any longer than that. You'll post again, if I have to drag my ass to Scotland and tie you to your keyboard, lassie.


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## GoldenDelicious (Jul 8, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> GD-
> 
> I have to seriously recommend that you calm down.
> 
> ...


I do not expect her to get a free pass. I do not expect anyone to be given special treatment at all. She wasn't given fair treatement because she wasn't warned or spoken to about it and wasn't even told why she was banned. Later it tuirned out that the moderator had sent a pm that she couldn't access because she was banned before she could read it. I am not super angry at all. i am just sticking up for something I see as an injustice. I have read plenty of outrageous things on here and insults have came toward mer and I and we have not complained about others actions towards us because we believe in freedom of speech. If we decide to stay with dims we will report anyone who offends us from now on. Just for an aexample one guy say we were ok for dykes and that he would f**k us both. Is that ok? I don't think so. Mer probably did overreact a bit but alot of what she said was taken out of context and continues to do so.


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## GoldenDelicious (Jul 8, 2009)

dragorat said:


> *I don't know the whole story but I will say this.To me BANNED is a permanent thing.Mer has been given a time out.That is a temporary thing.The decision to come back when permitted is up to her.I used to be an Op in a chat room.There were times I had to kick or ban someone.The person was always warned.They didn't always agree but it was done.*


Mer wasn't warned


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## KHayes666 (Jul 14, 2009)

krismiss said:


> Barb, barb, barb.
> First off, if you knew him you'd know he's not mean... at all. like BY ANY stretch of the imagination.
> 
> 
> ...



As the reigning champion of being thrown out of Dimchat (8 times including a lifetime pan) I can say that Mergirl will be back if I was kept out of the electric chair 7 times.

Krissmiss is right in how there's no way this community is homophobic, in fact its completely the opposite. I've seen more lesbian and bi girls in the bbw sites than most straight girls......so that's certainly not the problem. Diveristy and Tolerance is actually one of the community's better traits


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## moore2me (Jul 16, 2009)

Gee, I was just going to ask Mergirl for her recipe for vegetarian haggis. She seemed to think when sliced it made an excellent sandwich for breakfast.

Uh oh! . . . . is this the wrong forum to trade recipes? My bad.


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## kayrae (Jul 16, 2009)

Yeah. How dare you!!! Go to the foodee board. Sheesh.


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## BarbBBW (Jul 17, 2009)

i miss mergirl terribly! for real I do!!


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Jul 18, 2009)

fffff said:


> But seriously, you can't just throw around words like "homophobic," and expect there to be no consequences. That's a very serious accusation.


Especially when the person making the accusation continually misspells "homophobic".


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Yeah, i'm glad she was banned.


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## BarbBBW (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Yeah, i'm glad she was banned.



yay I am so glad you are back!!! i missed you


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> As far as I'm concerned, the moderators are genuinely reasonable human beings who do a fantastic job in what is usually a thankless task. I don't agree with all their decisions, and some of them confuse the dickens out of me. But they're their decisions to make, and the good far outweigh the bad. When you get right down to it, it's a minor miracle that a forum of this quality exists at all, and that our Webmaster devotes so much time, effort, resources and money to it.



Well thanks Sue, I don't think you and i have ever actually exchanged words once but its good to know that the Mods confuse the Dickens out of you too. 



Blackjack said:


> You can't keep this bullshit drama to one thread?


That thread was closed, which was a shame. Don't act like your not all overcome with the dramarama of it all!!!. How boring would Dims be without a bit of dramarama?? Bet you havn't been so excited since 'Canklegate' or ' The Tanya Banks Drama"!! lmao Hmm though, since the 'Are the mods homophobes" thread was closed because it went off topic i think it should be opened again, cept i would include Mysoginistic and racist into the question mix! Just to see what people are thinking about the subject! Hellz why not..the thread was allowed to remain for a good week.



Mini said:


> Mergirl's a lovely dyke, and the thought of you two going at it warms my cockles,


Actually, most gay women dont like being called 'Dykes'. While i wouldn't say what you said was as bad as saying i was a 'lovely _[racist epithet edited out]_' (which i'm sure would also be allowed) it is pretty much akin to saying "Lovely ******". Anyway, insulted or not..i guess my Girlfriend and I provided you with wanking material, so i guess our job here is done! Its ok ..i know my lesbian role-The one of being allowed to exist as long as a guy can wank over you. 



Mini said:


> From what I've gathered she was less than gracious and understanding when informed of her behavior. The reaction goes a long way towards determining whether you get hammered or not.
> 
> And for the record, you don't see the PMs that get exchanged when a mod takes me to task for crossing the line. Just sayin', there's a lot that goes on to which you're not privy.


Yeah, i wasn't warned and had recieved no previous infractions.



LoveBHMS said:


> GD-
> 
> I have to seriously recommend that you calm down.
> 
> ...



Well, i recieved a few emails while i was banned from people saying Dims has been both racist and homophobic. Even illuding to anyone being homophobic here can get you banned, so what would be the point of posting your feelings on the matter.
For the record, i didn't want ANY special treatment!?? You have said an awful lot for someone who (and i quote) doesn't know the story and who's buisness it is none of!.
Firstly, I NEVER said that i was banned because i was gay!!. The reason i ranted was because i thought (and i had very good reason to believe this) that certain people were behaving in a homophobic manner. The reason i got banned was because i was an arsehole and was angry and vented because of the afore mentioned reason. I shall know from now on to keep my anger snarky and passive agressive! 
And to those who said either GD or myself played some sort of 'Gay card', that is utter bullshit!! I have NEVER used my sexuality to get my own way EVER. Fuck, its almost as bad as playing the 'Rape' card.. it just ruins it for the people who have actually been the victims. There was no Card played here. So to those people..hmm...oh dear oh dear!

To the rest of you.. yay.. i missed you.. :wubu::wubu:


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

oh excuse me..
Mini - I should have said .."While, what you said was not as bad as calling me a lovely N-word (which i'm glad is no longer allowed) its kind of akin to saying Nice "_[sexist epithet edited out]_"
Both are horrible words mind..
hmmmmm..


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## The Fez (Jul 22, 2009)

uh oh, round 2?


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

The Fez said:


> uh oh, round 2?



yay! Can we get those half naked girls to hold up a big 'number 2'?? (preferably with manpaste dripping provocativly from their hungry lips):happy:


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## Risible (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> oh excuse me..
> Mini - I should have said .."While, what you said was not as bad as calling me a lovely N-word (which i'm glad is no longer allowed) its kind of akin to saying Nice "[sexist epithet edited out]"
> Both are horrible words mind..
> hmmmmm..



Well, the "n-word" has never been allowed. If you see it here on Dims, mergirl, be sure and report it, same with the other word you used, beginning with "f".


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## TraciJo67 (Jul 22, 2009)

Risible said:


> Well, the "n-word" has never been allowed. If you see it here on Dims, mergirl, be sure and report it, same with the other word you used, beginning with "f".



Is the "F" word really not allowed here? Coz if so, my fingers are going to be doing a LOT of walking today  

On second thought, I might just be reporting myself ...:doh:


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## Emma (Jul 22, 2009)

I think the whole 'gay card' thing is directed to me as I was the one who said it first. 

Well you can say all you like that you weren't doing so, but the point still stands that you overreacted about being told off and you/GD accused people of being homophobic. I don't see how deleting a post is homophobic, I've had plenty of my posts deleted here and I don't start saying that the Mods hate the English or I've been banned because I'm English. 

If you're coming back just to argue and make sly digs at people let me remind you that you are further proving why you were banned.


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Risible said:


> Well, the "n-word" has never been allowed. If you see it here on Dims, mergirl, be sure and report it, same with the other word you used, beginning with "f".



rly? I guess that depends on which context it was posted in. [_sexist epithet edited out_] MUST be allowed or else it would have been deleted out. Unless its ok to say it if you're gay? In which case is it ok to say the 'n-word' if you are Black? 
I think its better to know all the rules up front. Ok i shall go search for all the things i have found offensive and will report them.. it may take some time mind!


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## Weeze (Jul 22, 2009)

Mer... Read BOTH of the threads in full. 

I like you, but I think it's time to give it a rest.



And just saying, I've actually felt the opposite of homophobia here. I almost feel protected... A while ago, there was a guy in Chat that was saying nasty things about gay people and started attacking *me* and a whole bunch of people, and then a mod, helped me out by getting rid of him. He came back and started again, and the same thing happened. That's reallllly homophobic of them.


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## Risible (Jul 22, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Is the "F" word really not allowed here? Coz if so, my fingers are going to be doing a LOT of walking today
> 
> On second thought, I might just be reporting myself ...:doh:



Well, eff yeah, the eff word is allowed here (not in the Library, though). Not, though, the particular "f-word" that mergirl used ...


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

krismiss said:


> Mer... Read BOTH of the threads in full.
> 
> I like you, but I think it's time to give it a rest.
> 
> ...



What do you think i should give a rest? I have been banned for 2 weeks and have had no say. Yeah, there are some really great not homophobic people on here and i know it. A couple of them were banned for sticking up for gay rights because they lost their temper..one of whom doesnt post anymore because of it.
I don't need to rest Krismiss..i just got started. Glad you like me though. Also glad you feel protected. 
you are right, banning someone for being homophobic is not homophobic.. i agree.. but i don't think a gold star should be given every time someone is NOT homophobic or racist.


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## Risible (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> rly? I guess that depends on which context it was posted in. [_sexist epithet edited out_] MUST be allowed or else it would have been deleted out. Unless its ok to say it if you're gay? In which case is it ok to say the 'n-word' if you are Black?
> I think its better to know all the rules up front. Ok i shall go search for all the things i have found offensive and will report them.. it may take some time mind!



It's been edited out - apparently you were posting while I was editing.


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## garbled (Jul 22, 2009)

the arguments here are starting to remind me of this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oftO...B19DAC04&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=15


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

CurvyEm said:


> I think the whole 'gay card' thing is directed to me as I was the one who said it first.
> 
> Well you can say all you like that you weren't doing so, but the point still stands that you overreacted about being told off and you/GD accused people of being homophobic. I don't see how deleting a post is homophobic, I've had plenty of my posts deleted here and I don't start saying that the Mods hate the English or I've been banned because I'm English.
> 
> If you're coming back just to argue and make sly digs at people let me remind you that you are further proving why you were banned.



I actually havn't read the 'Are mods homophobes' thread yet but GD told me bits about it so i wasn't actually singling you out EM. -but thanks for telling me in advance!
The deletion of my post wasn't homophobic. I never said that. I had been anoyed (maby an understatement) at One particular mod and their (what i considered) homophobia. I had talked to them via PM about this matter and i didn't feel it was resolved. I was told that my post that night had caused a 'dust up' and that mods were discussing how to deal with it. I have had posts deleted and edited before..LOTS of times. This time however due to a culmination of what was said before and the ambiguous way my inquieries were delt with i got really angry. I did and DO feel this particular person is homophobic. This is a personal opinion and is based on the fact that they scolded me for saying i thought someone was gay. 
GD was angry for me and so posted her 'are the mods homophobic?' -I actually really dont think they are in any way.. well exept for one. 
homophobia on the boards can be dealt with. People can stick up for themselves.. I just dont think that personal views should get in the way of being a mod. On two occassions i feel it did.


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## disconnectedsmile (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Yeah, i'm glad she was banned.


i'm not. this board was not the same without you.
i missed your wit and charm. :wubu:


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## Weeze (Jul 22, 2009)

Dear, I wasn't saying that we should hand out gold stars. What I'm saying is that individual people are allowed to have their opinions, but once they start getting hateful, this site as shown in a few ways that they will step in and take care of things. If we were really that homophobic, wouldn't they just let it go? 
And, by the way, saying you're "just getting started" is just asking for more unnecessary trouble. If you want people to stop accusations, why don't you?


Oh, and, can we still say Fuck? I mean really. I use that once at least once every 20 minutes or so. I refuse to let the man tell me to start saying "fudge"


mergirl said:


> What do you think i should give a rest? I have been banned for 2 weeks and have had no say. Yeah, there are some really great not homophobic people on here and i know it. A couple of them were banned for sticking up for gay rights because they lost their temper..one of whom doesnt post anymore because of it.
> I don't need to rest Krismiss..i just got started. Glad you like me though. Also glad you feel protected.
> you are right, banning someone for being homophobic is not homophobic.. i agree.. but i don't think a gold star should be given every time someone is NOT homophobic or racist.


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## Emma (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I actually havn't read the 'Are mods homophobes' thread yet but GD told me bits about it so i wasn't actually singling you out EM. -but thanks for telling me in advance!
> The deletion of my post wasn't homophobic. I never said that. I had been anoyed (maby an understatement) at One particular mod and their (what i considered) homophobia. I had talked to them via PM about this matter and i didn't feel it was resolved. I was told that my post that night had caused a 'dust up' and that mods were discussing how to deal with it. I have had posts deleted and edited before..LOTS of times. This time however due to a culmination of what was said before and the ambiguous way my inquieries were delt with i got really angry. I did and DO feel this particular person is homophobic. This is a personal opinion and is based on the fact that they scolded me for saying i thought someone was gay.
> GD was angry for me and so posted her 'are the mods homophobic?' -I actually really dont think they are in any way.. well exept for one.
> homophobia on the boards can be dealt with. People can stick up for themselves.. I just dont think that personal views should get in the way of being a mod. On two occassions i feel it did.



Then I think you should sit down and collect all the evidence to help prove your point, and a clear PM explaining why/when/how you thought the mod was homophobic. 

If someone is being homophobic against you then I think that it should definately be dealt with. I just think after all thats happened it might be hard for the mods to take you seriously. 

This may have been rather badly handled up until now. lol


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Risible said:


> It's been edited out - apparently you were posting while I was editing.



hu? the 'F-word' is a 'sexist epithet' ? I would have thought it would have been a homophobic epithet. 
Ok..Mini Calling me a _[d-word]_ may not be as bad as calling me the 'n-word' but its akin to calling me the 'f-word' but not Fuck because apparently thats allowed but just not in the library.
In the Library, if you want to say fuck what do you say? The F-word but not the homophobic epithet one?
I think _[D-word]_ is just as bad as F-word (homophobic epithet) ..maby we should have a D-word?
When was The F-word banned here?
Hmmmmmmmm....
I'ts getting confusing...


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

CurvyEm said:


> Then I think you should sit down and collect all the evidence to help prove your point, and a clear PM explaining why/when/how you thought the mod was homophobic.
> 
> If someone is being homophobic against you then I think that it should definately be dealt with. I just think after all thats happened it might be hard for the mods to take you seriously.
> 
> This may have been rather badly handled up until now. lol



Well to be honest i thought i handled things pretty well by Pm'ing the person i found offensive back and forth back and fourth until i found there was just no getting through. Some people just don't KNOW they are being homophobic or racist (as i have also had emails from people saying they were). I was certainly insulted and felt it was rediculous that someone would take offence because i dared to insinuate someone was gay. They felt there was nothing wrong with that. After the 'your post has created a dust up' PM i reacted totally badly. Totally. I'm not too bothered if ther mods take me seriously or not because i don't take them too seriously. Though, there are some mods who i respect because they are pretty fair. I only have a problem with one mod. The same one that most people have a problem with.


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## Risible (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> hu? the 'F-word' is a 'sexist epithet' ? I would have thought it would have been a homophobic epithet.
> Ok..Mini Calling me a _[d-word]_ may not be as bad as calling me the 'n-word' but its akin to calling me the 'f-word' but not Fuck because apparently thats allowed but just not in the library.
> In the Library, if you want to say fuck what do you say? The F-word but not the homophobic epithet one?
> I think _[D-word]_ is just as bad as F-word (homophobic epithet) ..maby we should have a D-word?
> ...



I used sexist as it seemed appropriate:



> sex·ism (s
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That fine point would make for an interesting discussion, though.

The "f-word", the pejorative term that you've used twice in your recent posts in this thread, hasn't been acceptable as long as I've been a moderator ... I'm not sure why you're confused?


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Risible said:


> I used sexist as it seemed appropriate:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I'm confused that _[d-word] _is allowed when F-word is not.


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## Risible (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I'm confused that 'Dyke' is allowed when F-word is not.



PMing you.


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Risible said:


> PMing you.



Ok cool! i'm off to take a vallium!


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## Sandie S-R (Jul 22, 2009)

krismiss said:


> Oh, and, can we still say Fuck? I mean really. I use that once at least once every 20 minutes or so. I refuse to let the man tell me to start saying "fudge"



Fuck, yes! That eff word is allowed, since this is an adult site.  But the other "f" word (a derogatory term for a gay man) is not allowed, because it is a derogatory term.


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## Weeze (Jul 22, 2009)

Sandie S-R said:


> Fuck, yes! That eff word is allowed, since this is an adult site.  But the other "f" word (a derogatory term for a gay man) is not allowed, because it is a derogatory term.



You're my new favorite mod


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Sandie S-R said:


> Fuck, yes! That eff word is allowed, since this is an adult site.  But the other "f" word (a derogatory term for a gay man) is not allowed, because it is a derogatory term.



What about saying 'sticking a tube in someones throat and ass and feeding them till they shit and die'?? Is that allowed?? tee-hee of course it is!!"
Cept we have a special place to say that.. hmm maby we can have a special place to say the F,N,D words too! If we put them somewhere else magically they will become less offensive! *poof*


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Sandie S-R said:


> Fuck, yes! That eff word is allowed, since this is an adult site.  But the other "f" word (a derogatory term for a gay man) is not allowed, because it is a derogatory term.


Whoot! Fuck is such a great word!
What about 'fuck you' though?? Will that be allowed?
Cause that's partly what got me banned! 
Oh.. we can say "I was having a fag" if we are british because it means "a cigarette" .. I don't actually smoke so i wouldn't say that anyway.. Just reminding you Mods of the transatlantic symantics of the word. x


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## Weeze (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> What about saying 'sticking a tube in someones throat and ass and feeding them till they shit and die'?? Is that allowed?? tee-hee of course it is!!"
> Cept we have a special place to say that.. hmm maby we can have a special place to say the F,N,D words too! If we put them somewhere else magically they will become less offensive! *poof*



Mergirl. This is a site for fatties. That particular fantasy, while i'm not sure where you got the death part, is protected on the weight board. Because, hah, weight has to do with being fat... and I wouldn't start attacking weight fantasies, because I think you'll lose that one. While you've been gone, we've actually had a pretty successful thread over there explaining fantasies and the like. That might be good for you to read, since you and your partner have both questioned it before. And, like i said before, if you want people to not attack you and the things you say, how about you start by doing that same? Because you just did. Maybe Mini shouldn't have said dyke, but, going back to preschool here, two wrongs don't make a right.Three rights make a left.
You shouldn't have just attacked and made assumptions about other people's sexual preferences. That's doing the same thing you accused a mod of doing to you. 

You're being awfully vague with who attacked you. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but if you're going to keep the argument going, at least stop beating around the bush.


Me saying "I'd fuck her" or "I'm having a bad fucking day" or "fuck me" or "i don't give a fuck" is NOT the same as "Fuck You". "fuck you" is directed at a specific person, and as we've learned, personal attacks are not allowed.


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## StarWitness (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> What about saying 'sticking a tube in someones throat and ass and feeding them till they shit and die'?? Is that allowed?? tee-hee of course it is!!"
> Cept we have a special place to say that.. hmm maby we can have a special place to say the F,N,D words too! If we put them somewhere else magically they will become less offensive! *poof*



Well, if there was a forum where people called each other said words consensually and for mutual pleasure... and, uh, it somehow had something to do with the theme of the site... that's be okay with me. Just saying.


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

krismiss said:


> Mergirl. This is a site for fatties. That particular fantasy, while i'm not sure where you got the death part, is protected on the weight board. Because, hah, weight has to do with being fat... and I wouldn't start attacking weight fantasies, because I think you'll lose that one. While you've been gone, we've actually had a pretty successful thread over there explaining fantasies and the like. That might be good for you to read, since you and your partner have both questioned it before. And, like i said before, if you want people to not attack you and the things you say, how about you start by doing that same? Because you just did. Maybe Mini shouldn't have said dyke, but, going back to preschool here, two wrongs don't make a right.Three rights make a left.
> You shouldn't have just attacked and made assumptions about other people's sexual preferences. That's doing the same thing you accused a mod of doing to you.
> 
> You're being awfully vague with who attacked you. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but if you're going to keep the argument going, at least stop beating around the bush.



Yeah, ive never questioned feederism before Krissmiss, that was my Gf. I was pointing out that what some might see as offensive others may not. 
I am not allowed to personally attack anyone but i think if you think real hard and read between the lines you will know exactly who i am talking about. Also, if you join Facebook hydepark you will see EXACTLY who i am talking about. Plus you will be able to ask people what they think regarding their homophobia/racism/mysogony. 
I have no idea what you mean when you said i made assumptions about someones sexuality? If you ment the characters in TFS's story then i don't see why not.. Is it straight until proven queer? This particular incident was not malicious..
anyway.. ok.. happy bubble happy bubble!


----------



## Weeze (Jul 22, 2009)

I give the fuck up...
...i'm gonna go back to being a smart ass, talking about clothes, and posting tit pics.
*
fuck* this


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

StarWitness said:


> Well, if there was a forum where people called each other said words consensually and for mutual pleasure... and, uh, it somehow had something to do with the theme of the site... that's be okay with me. Just saying.



Yeah totally. Though, if the theme of the site was different for differrent people then there could be a problem and you would end up creeping about trying to remember not to say fuck in the library!


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## kayrae (Jul 22, 2009)

Oh, mergirl, welcome back. I can't believe it's been two weeks. Let me make you a 7x7 and we can all start anew


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## disconnectedsmile (Jul 22, 2009)

...

i smell a Civil War brewing. hopefully they won't do to Mergirl what they did to Captain America


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## mediaboy (Jul 22, 2009)

This thread is a bad idea


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## Teleute (Jul 22, 2009)

Oh, you crazy kids 

Mergirl, go look at my belly in the queer forum, and leave this stuff alone for now


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

kayrae said:


> Oh, mergirl, welcome back. I can't believe it's been two weeks. Let me make you a 7x7 and we can all start anew



Well that sounds just great! :wubu:


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

disconnectedsmile said:


> i'm not. this board was not the same without you.
> i missed your wit and charm. :wubu:



Mwaaahhh!:wubu:
I missed you too. x


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## Risible (Jul 22, 2009)

I have edited out a personal attack, and responses subsequent to that attack.

If your post above has been edited or deleted it is *probably* due to that. If you have questions, PM me.

Please keep your comments civil, folks.

/mod


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Risible said:


> I have edited out a personal attack, and responses subsequent to that attack.
> 
> If your post above has been edited or deleted it is *probably* due to that. If you have questions, PM me.
> 
> ...



Whoot! and it wasn't even me personally attacking! Nice! Btw, in the future if you want to personally attack me you can do it via PM, That way i can mentally destroy you where the mods cant see!!!!  MUwahahahaha!!
Yeah..only joking..don't PM me nasty shit!


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

disconnectedsmile said:


> ...
> 
> i smell a Civil War brewing. hopefully they won't do to Mergirl what they did to Captain America



Oh! btw..what did they do to captain America??


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## Miss Vickie (Jul 22, 2009)

Sandie S-R said:


> Fuck, yes! That eff word is allowed, since this is an adult site.  But the other "f" word (a derogatory term for a gay man) is not allowed, because it is a derogatory term.



*doing the happy dance* I loves me the "f" word. Lots. Fucking LOTS.  (But no, I don't like the "f" word that's a derogatory term for a homosexual man, and I'm glad that's not allowed).



StarWitness said:


> Well, if there was a forum where people called each other said words consensually and for mutual pleasure... and, uh, it somehow had something to do with the theme of the site... that's be okay with me. Just saying.



We did have such a place... it was called Hyde Park. 

HP, how I miss thee.....


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## kayrae (Jul 22, 2009)

too late, my bad



mergirl said:


> Whoot! and it wasn't even me personally attacking! Nice! Btw, in the future if you want to personally attack me you can do it via PM, That way i can mentally destroy you where the mods cant see!!!!  MUwahahahaha!!
> Yeah..only joking..don't PM me nasty shit!


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## Spanky (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Oh! btw..what did they do to captain America??



They shamed him when it was found out that he was really from Scotland. Renamed him Captain Highlander and sent him to Bermuda to live out the rest of his days. There's no haggis in Bermuda. Get it? None.


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Spanky said:


> They shamed him when it was found out that he was really from Scotland. Renamed him Captain Highlander and sent him to Bermuda to live out the rest of his days. There's no haggis in Bermuda. Get it? None.



Weeeeeel..That doesn't sound TOO bad. You could always make haggis in bermuda. Where there is lambs lungs and sheeps stomach, there can be haggis.:happy:


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## marlowegarp (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Oh! btw..what did they do to captain America??



Captain America was murdered by his girlfriend, Sharon Carter (who had been programmed via post-hypnotic suggestion by Cap's old enemy the Red Skull to carry out the deed) in Captain America, vol. 6, #25. Captain America was in a position to be assassinated because of his opposing the controversial Super-Human Registration Act during Marvel's Civil War miniseries, which ended in his surrender to the pro-registration side, which was lead by one of his best friends Tony Stark AKA Iron Man. However...Captain America is actually not dead, but "unstuck in time", a condition which is being explored in the current Captain America; Reborn miniseries which, depending on how you look at it, is either an homage to venerated author Kurt Vonnegut or a blatant rip-off and a trope which has already been very recently utilized by the writers of Lost. 

Nice to have you back, MG. 

MG


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## butch (Jul 22, 2009)

From my understanding, certain words that might be used within the GLBTQ community (the 'f' word and the 'd' word, for example) are still considered slurs when used outside of the community, particularly when used by people who do not fit the category that the 'f' and 'd' word are meant to describe.

If you read those words in the GLBTQ board, and they're being used between community members, then please do not think you can bandy them about in other boards if you're not a gay man or a lesbian. If you think that's too PC or sensitive, then I just know there's at least one word or phrase I could use about one of your identities that you'd get pissed off about, and think about that before you try to reclaim the 'd' word for your own non-lesbian use.


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## kayrae (Jul 22, 2009)

I knew someone from the comic nerds thread was going to come over here to explain.


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## marlowegarp (Jul 22, 2009)

Risible said:


> I have edited out a personal attack, and responses subsequent to that attack.
> 
> If your post above has been edited or deleted it is *probably* due to that. If you have questions, PM me.
> 
> ...



Wouldn't it be better in the long run if we had an Arena Thread or better yet an Arena board that forsook all pretenses of civility and existed for no other reason than to house vicious attacks from one valued Dims member to another?


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## marlowegarp (Jul 22, 2009)

kayrae said:


> I knew someone from the comic nerds thread was going to come over here to explain.



I love you, too.


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## Miss Vickie (Jul 22, 2009)

butch said:


> From my understanding, certain words that might be used within the GLBTQ community (the 'f' word and the 'd' word, for example) are still considered slurs when used outside of the community, particularly when used by people who do not fit the category that the 'f' and 'd' word are meant to describe.
> 
> If you read those words in the GLBTQ board, and they're being used between community members, then please do not think you can bandy them about in other boards if you're not a gay man or a lesbian. If you think that's too PC or sensitive, then I just know there's at least one word or phrase I could use about one of your identities that you'd get pissed off about, and think about that before you try to reclaim the 'd' word for your own non-lesbian use.



Yup. It's like being called a "fattie" or "pig" or even just plain "fat" by a beauty queen or a model, versus by another fat person. Even though I'm bi, I don't use the word "_[d-word]"_ or "queer" because I don't feel quite comfortable doing so, since I live a predominantly "straight" life. I'd never presume to use an epithet like that, unless I clearly had the vibe that I was "one of the group".


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

marlowegarp said:


> Captain America was murdered by his girlfriend, Sharon Carter (who had been programmed via post-hypnotic suggestion by Cap's old enemy the Red Skull to carry out the deed) in Captain America, vol. 6, #25. Captain America was in a position to be assassinated because of his opposing the controversial Super-Human Registration Act during Marvel's Civil War miniseries, which ended in his surrender to the pro-registration side, which was lead by one of his best friends Tony Stark AKA Iron Man. However...Captain America is actually not dead, but "unstuck in time", a condition which is being explored in the current Captain America; Reborn miniseries which, depending on how you look at it, is either an homage to venerated author Kurt Vonnegut or a blatant rip-off and a trope which has already been very recently utilized by the writers of Lost.
> 
> Nice to have you back, MG.
> 
> MG



Hahahahahahaha! Shit..not sure i want all that to happen to me! 
and thanks!!


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

butch said:


> From my understanding, certain words that might be used within the GLBTQ community (the 'f' word and the 'd' word, for example) are still considered slurs when used outside of the community, particularly when used by people who do not fit the category that the 'f' and 'd' word are meant to describe.
> 
> If you read those words in the GLBTQ board, and they're being used between community members, then please do not think you can bandy them about in other boards if you're not a gay man or a lesbian. If you think that's too PC or sensitive, then I just know there's at least one word or phrase I could use about one of your identities that you'd get pissed off about, and think about that before you try to reclaim the 'd' word for your own non-lesbian use.



This is why i was pretty upset by Mini's use of the word and a pretty good example of how one persons 'joke' can be anothers bigotry.


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## mossystate (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> This is why i was pretty upset by Mini's use of the word and a pretty good example of how one persons 'joke' can be anothers bigotry.



Was that word removed? Did you report it?


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Was that word removed? Did you report it?



Well, no ..i was banned. GD told me about it and then i was too busy typing to report it. I shall do so now. It was the word and the sleaze that bothered me to be honest. It felt degrading and he ment it.


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## Risible (Jul 22, 2009)

butch said:


> From my understanding, certain words that might be used within the GLBTQ community (the 'f' word and the 'd' word, for example) are still considered slurs when used outside of the community, particularly when used by people who do not fit the category that the 'f' and 'd' word are meant to describe.
> 
> If you read those words in the GLBTQ board, and they're being used between community members, then please do not think you can bandy them about in other boards if you're not a gay man or a lesbian. If you think that's too PC or sensitive, then I just know there's at least one word or phrase I could use about one of your identities that you'd get pissed off about, and think about that before you try to reclaim the 'd' word for your own non-lesbian use.



Well said, Butch, and thank you. :bow:

Following Butch's example, I have edited out the offensive term in this thread, and replaced it with "d-word."

/mod


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Risible said:


> Well said, Butch, and thank you. :bow:
> 
> Following Butch's example, I have edited out the offensive term in this thread, and replaced it with "d-word."
> 
> /mod



See..how is this going to work? Can people still say "I hate you, you D-word"? Or ..hmm..so we can use the D-word in the lgbt forum if we are infact 'd's'?


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## Spanky (Jul 22, 2009)

butch said:


> From my understanding, certain words that might be used within the GLBTQ community (the 'f' word and the 'd' word, for example) are still considered slurs when used outside of the community, particularly when used by people who do not fit the category that the 'f' and 'd' word are meant to describe.
> 
> If you read those words in the GLBTQ board, and they're being used between community members, then please do not think you can bandy them about in other boards if you're not a gay man or a lesbian. If you think that's too PC or sensitive, then I just know there's at least one word or phrase I could use about one of your identities that you'd get pissed off about, and think about that before you try to reclaim the 'd' word for your own non-lesbian use.




Butch, please explain to this old white hetero male, who has no insulting words to carry and use as his own, WHY when a word is deemed insulting, sexist, racist, bigoted, sexually phobic or any other demeaning adjective by a particular group, can be carried around by the said group? Then while raining the insult back and forth with each other in a protected forum, it is alright and okay? 

I am not asking with even an ounce of joking or anger or sarcasm. It is pure curiosity. It is the same question I have asked myself about African Americans using n----r when talking to each other, women calling each other bitches or gays and lesbians using similar words amongst themselves.

I have heard it is a way of controlling and empowering where there was previously no power or control. But in the end, is it right to use these terms? Does it not continue to separate, irritate and instigate? Does it not continue to foster the word and it's derogatory meaning(s)?

just wondering what you thought. It really puzzles me.


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## Geektastic1 (Jul 22, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Butch, please explain to this old white hetero male, who has no insulting words to carry and use as his own, WHY when a word is deemed insulting, sexist, racist, bigoted, sexually phobic or any other demeaning adjective by a particular group, can be carried around by the said group? Then while raining the insult back and forth with each other in a protected forum, it is alright and okay?
> 
> I am not asking with even an ounce of joking or anger or sarcasm. It is pure curiosity. It is the same question I have asked myself about African Americans using n----r when talking to each other, women calling each other bitches or gays and lesbians using similar words amongst themselves.
> 
> ...



Well, since you asked Butch, I'll let her explain the whole empowering/reclaiming thing, but I want to add that I have almost always heard the word "_[d-word]_" in a totally positive, reclaimed sense, and rarely in a derogatory sense. Now, "_[sexist epithet]_" on the other hand, I've heard used as a slur, and I find it offensive. I've heard and used the word "queer" mostly positively, too, but there is also still some negative stigma to it, and I would find it offensive if a non-lgbt person used it gratuitously and without care or specific context. 

But "_[d-word]_"? To me the word is so positive/neutral/non-offensive, I don't even get offended if someone uses it offensively or is a non-lgbt/ally person. To me, it just equates to "lesbian." Getting offended over the word "_[d-word]_", to me, is about like being offended if someone says "you lesbian!" or "you homosexual!" It just doesn't have the power to offend me. I thought Mini's comment was offensive because it was flippant, dismissive, sexist, and innapropriate, not because of the word "_[d-word]_." But that's just me. It could be a regional thing. I guess I don't even see it as being the equivalent of the N-word or even the F-word (the one used to refer to gay guys). I just want people to know that in some places, or to some people, the word "_[d-word]_" is actually totally reclaimed and is a non-offensive or very minimally offensive descriptor.


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## Geektastic1 (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> See..how is this going to work? Can people still say "I hate you, you D-word"? Or ..hmm..so we can use the D-word in the lgbt forum if we are infact 'd's'?



I hope so. I actually like "_[d-word]_" better than "lesbian" as a personal descriptor. I think "lesbian" sounds kind of fluffy and fussy and moogy (is that a word?)--I don't care if people call me that, but I've never liked it that well. "_[d-word]_", however, is cool and fun and punk-rock, and makes me think of Rosie the Riveter. I like it.


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## Teleute (Jul 22, 2009)

Possibly considered offtopic here, but... poor Risible running around editing all these posts! ROFL! I see a post, I come back, post is edited, then there's another post with the same words just below it. 

Guys, for Risible's sanity, how about we stick with saying "_-word" instead of using the terms, even if we're discussing the terms themselves rather than using them in a derogatory sense?


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## Risible (Jul 22, 2009)

Teleute said:


> Possibly considered offtopic here, but... poor Risible running around editing all these posts! ROFL! I see a post, I come back, post is edited, then there's another post with the same words just below it.
> 
> Guys, for Risible's sanity, how about we stick with saying "_-word" instead of using the terms, even if we're discussing the terms themselves rather than using them in a derogatory sense?



Ha! Too late ... I've gone mad.


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## Spanky (Jul 22, 2009)

Geektastic1 said:


> Well, since you asked Butch, I'll let her explain the whole empowering/reclaiming thing, but I want to add that I have almost always heard the word "_[d-word]_" in a totally positive, reclaimed sense, and rarely in a derogatory sense. Now, "_[sexist epithet]_" on the other hand, I've heard used as a slur, and I find it offensive. I've heard and used the word "queer" mostly positively, too, but there is also still some negative stigma to it, and I would find it offensive if a non-lgbt person used it gratuitously and without care or specific context.
> 
> But "_[d-word]_"? To me the word is so positive/neutral/non-offensive, I don't even get offended if someone uses it offensively or is a non-lgbt/ally person. To me, it just equates to "lesbian." Getting offended over the word "_[d-word]_", to me, is about like being offended if someone says "you lesbian!" or "you homosexual!" It just doesn't have the power to offend me. I thought Mini's comment was offensive because it was flippant, dismissive, sexist, and innapropriate, not because of the word "_[d-word]_." But that's just me. It could be a regional thing. I guess I don't even see it as being the equivalent of the N-word or even the F-word (the one used to refer to gay guys). I just want people to know that in some places, or to some people, the word "_[d-word]_" is actually totally reclaimed and is a non-offensive or very minimally offensive descriptor.



Geeky, 

I have no problem with your opinion. And you don't need me to tell you. :bow: I would welcome your input. Input away!


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## Spanky (Jul 22, 2009)

Risible said:


> Ha! Too late ... I've gone mad.



Risible is my favorite -------, ----, and ------.

Yeah. Go ahead edit it! It was all nice!


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## Risible (Jul 22, 2009)

Oh, I would, Spanky, but me fingers ... they're bloody stumps ...


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## BarbBBW (Jul 22, 2009)

wow, I am exhausted just from catching up with this post since this morning! whewww


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## Geektastic1 (Jul 22, 2009)

Teleute said:


> Possibly considered offtopic here, but... poor Risible running around editing all these posts! ROFL! I see a post, I come back, post is edited, then there's another post with the same words just below it.
> 
> Guys, for Risible's sanity, how about we stick with saying "_-word" instead of using the terms, even if we're discussing the terms themselves rather than using them in a derogatory sense?



<Sigh>...OK, I'll do that, because I don't want anyone to go crazy.  I know the mods work hard. 

I think we *do* need to be able to use these words on the LBGT board to refer to ourselves. It's like not being able to use the terms at a bar, gay and lesbian community center, college course, women's crystal-gazing and bark-knitting consciousness class (see, now that's what those "lesbians" do...us d-words prefer more practical projects ), or anywhere else in our community where the word(s) are used, reclaimed, recycled, adopted, discussed, picked over, etc. Otherwise, it would be impossible for us to discuss our issues, refer to ourselves by our preferred terms, or have honest and thoughtful discourse, and that would be really sad.


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## MisticalMisty (Jul 22, 2009)

butch said:


> From my understanding, certain words that might be used within the GLBTQ community (the 'f' word and the 'd' word, for example) are still considered slurs when used outside of the community, particularly when used by people who do not fit the category that the 'f' and 'd' word are meant to describe.
> 
> If you read those words in the GLBTQ board, and they're being used between community members, then please do not think you can bandy them about in other boards if you're not a gay man or a lesbian. If you think that's too PC or sensitive, then I just know there's at least one word or phrase I could use about one of your identities that you'd get pissed off about, and think about that before you try to reclaim the 'd' word for your own non-lesbian use.



I don't get this. First, especially within the GLBTQ there are a lot of people still in the closet. So, are we going to go around asking people "are you gay or lesbian, because if you you aren't..you can't say that!" No. We aren't. Is the assumption going to be if you aren't "open" with your sexuality, then you don't get to use the word? Does anyone see where I'm coming from here?

There is a thread on the GLBTQ board about Fag Hags. If I'm considered one..am I not allowed to claim the title for myself? Or do I have to now start referring to myself as an f-hag?

Seriously.


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## Geektastic1 (Jul 22, 2009)

MisticalMisty said:


> There is a thread on the GLBTQ board about Fag Hags. If I'm considered one..am I not allowed to claim the title for myself? Or do I have to now start referring to myself as an f-hag?
> 
> Seriously.



It would be utterly silly if you did have to say "f-hag". Look, folks, there's context here. Prohibiting individual words without considering the context is really goofy, stifles, conversation and thought, and really doesn't address true offensiveness. Context, context, context. Please. 

Personally, I find it really weird/humorous/ironic to be in the position of being edited/pm'ed by a mod over using a term that I find positive, have heard/used mostly in a reclaimed sense, and am using to refer to *myself* as an LGBT person. 

Butch, please help? I think your d-word reference unwittingly spawned a monster here.


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## MisticalMisty (Jul 22, 2009)

Geektastic1 said:


> It would be totally silly if you did. Look, folks, there's context here. Prohibiting individual words without considering the context is really goofy, stifles, conversation and thought, and really doesn't address true offensiveness. Context, context, context. Please.
> 
> Personally, I find it really weird/humorous/ironic to be in the position of being edited/pm'ed by a mod over using a term that I find positive, have heard/used mostly in a reclaimed sense, and am using to refer to *myself* as an LGBT person.
> 
> Butch, please help? I think your d-word reference unwittingly spawned a monster here.



I can totally understand that some may find it offensive, but saying that only certain people are allowed to say, when we don't know the sexuality of every single person is not plausible.

A compromise perhaps? Let it be used on the GLBTQ board and keep it off the other boards?

Hell..I dunno.


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Geektastic1 said:


> It would be totally silly if you did. Look, folks, there's context here. Prohibiting individual words without considering the context is really goofy, stifles, conversation and thought, and really doesn't address true offensiveness. Context, context, context. Please.
> 
> Personally, I find it really weird/humorous/ironic to be in the position of being edited/pm'ed by a mod over using a term that I find positive, have heard/used mostly in a reclaimed sense, and am using to refer to *myself* as an LGBT person.
> 
> Butch, please help? I think your d-word reference unwittingly spawned a monster here.



See, part of the reason i found The D-word offensive, (Oh wait i'm gay..can i just say it?) In THAT particular context was because it was OBVIOUSLY ment in a way to humiliate me and was also pretty disrespectful, the whole sentence was. If someone says the word and they are my friend and they are not using the word against me, i don't have a problem with the word. I guess its kinna like the agressive equivelent to the weakness that the F-word implies.


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## Geektastic1 (Jul 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> See, part of the reason i found The D-word offensive, (Oh wait i'm gay..can i just say it?) In THAT particular context was because it was OBVIOUSLY ment in a way to humiliate me and was also pretty disrespectful, the whole sentence was. If someone says the word and they are my friend and they are not using the word against me, i don't have a problem with the word. I guess its kinna like the agressive equivelent to the weakness that the F-word implies.



I totally understand and agree with you. I support you 100% for complaining about the offensive post towards you. The context was obviously not ok. But unfortunately, partly because of that, an ironic side effect is that now we GLBTQ folks and our friends/allies/affiliates/fan club/hags, etc, can be moderated by non-GLBTQ folks for using certain words that we consider ok (and more than that, often good/positive/affirmative/empowering) to use, *in the right context*. I think this situation really needs to get fixed.


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## marlowegarp (Jul 22, 2009)

Why can't anyone just say whatever they want unless it is a personal attack? Because once we slip into situational acceptability we are ALL fucked. Look at how it works in the real world.


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## mergirl (Jul 22, 2009)

Geektastic1 said:


> I totally understand and agree with you. I support you 100% for complaining about the offensive post towards you. The context was obviously not ok. But unfortunately, partly because of that, an ironic side effect is that now we GLBTQ folks and our friends/allies/affiliates/fan club/hags, etc, are getting moderated by non-GLBTQ folks for using certain words that we consider ok (and more than that, often good/positive/affirmative/empowering) to use, *in the right context*. I think this situation really needs to get fixed.



See, i actually asked why it was wrong to use the term f-word and yet it was ok to use the term _[d-word]_. I found that strange because i think they can both be used by non queer people in a cruel way. I think you are right though, the queer community has used many of these words for a long time and also has had no problem with people who are using them in a non derogitory context. Clearly, the example i took exeption to was ment in a derogitory and belittling way.. though to just take the word '_[d-word]_' out and replace it with 'D-word' doesnt actually make the post any less offensive to me. Its not the word i took offence to, it was the way it was used!


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## fatgirlflyin (Jul 22, 2009)

butch said:


> From my understanding, certain words that might be used within the GLBTQ community (the 'f' word and the 'd' word, for example) are still considered slurs when used outside of the community, particularly when used by people who do not fit the category that the 'f' and 'd' word are meant to describe.
> 
> If you read those words in the GLBTQ board, and they're being used between community members, then please do not think you can bandy them about in other boards if you're not a gay man or a lesbian. If you think that's too PC or sensitive, then I just know there's at least one word or phrase I could use about one of your identities that you'd get pissed off about, and think about that before you try to reclaim the 'd' word for your own non-lesbian use.




I understand this thinking, but not sure I agree with it. I'm in a relationship with a black man, I hate when he uses the N word and I would never use the N word. I identify as queer however I don't use the f or d word, and wouldn't think to say to someone that I can say the words but they couldn't. It just blurs the lines too much IMO.

ETA: Welcome back Mergirl, I'm glad to see that you came back once the two weeks were up.


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## butch (Jul 22, 2009)

Yeah, it is a slippery slope, and because I like to err on the side of kindness, I try not to use descriptors that have a history of being slurs. Since all we have is words on this board, and not all the other things that go into communication (non-verbal gestures, tone of voice, location in which language is used, context, etc), what I wrote earlier seemed like a good compromise.

I am by no means the language police, and personally, I'm perfectly happy to object, and say why, when someone uses language I find hurtful, instead of expecting the offending party not use the language. But, no one posting on this board is posting just to me, and if there is even one person reading this board who got beat up by someone using a slur about their sexuality, then I think the compromise I thought I suggested, and someone else stated more clearly, was good: use the words in the GLBTQ forum if done in the spirit of solidarity and support, and don't use it in other parts of the board.

Words do hurt, you know, and for any of us who still bristle when we hear words like cow, whale, pig, etc, you'd think we'd be more likely to lessen our use of questionable descriptors, out of respect for other people who have been marginalized for an aspect of their being.

As to why some people use certain words, ah, I don't know. I use queer because, to me, it is the most accurate descriptions of me: I am odd and strange, and not just because of my sexuality or gender. It just so happens it is a nice and short word that can describe a whole group of people who get lumped together in this society because they challenge mainstream sex and gender roles.

Just my opinion, not the law or anything.


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## Wagimawr (Jul 22, 2009)

Doesn't VBulletin have language filters? Couldn't we replace all slur words with the actual term (as in, set it so the d-word appears as the word "lesbian"?

Hilarity would ensue if someone went off on a rant.


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## Mathias (Jul 23, 2009)

Why is this thread still open?


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## Weeze (Jul 23, 2009)

Wagimawr said:


> Doesn't VBulletin have language filters? Couldn't we replace all slur words with the actual term (as in, set it so the d-word appears as the word "lesbian"?
> 
> Hilarity would ensue if someone went off on a rant.



That's what happens in chat if we try saying a certain N-word having to do with a certain dictator... It's hilarious. 
I <3 yahoos.


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## SocialbFly (Jul 23, 2009)

Mathias said:


> Why is this thread still open?



Amen. 

we all have things that happen, can we learn from this and just move on?


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## Mini (Jul 23, 2009)

Mergirl, I will refer to whomever I want however I want, and you're just going to have to deal with that. If you want to get your twat in a knot over it, more power to you. Personally, I found this entire situation amusing enough to warrant the bluntness, and you're hardly the first person to have been referred to by a less-than-pleasant colloquialism. 

Remember, equality means that I treat you exactly as I treat everyone else, with exactly as much respect as is warranted at the time.

That all said, welcome back. Cut out the OMG HOMOPHOBE bullshit and we'll get along just dandy.


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## Emma (Jul 23, 2009)

Mini said:


> Mergirl, I will refer to whomever I want however I want, and you're just going to have to deal with that. If you want to get your twat in a knot over it, more power to you. Personally, I found this entire situation amusing enough to warrant the bluntness, and you're hardly the first person to have been referred to by a less-than-pleasant colloquialism.
> 
> Remember, equality means that I treat you exactly as I treat everyone else, with exactly as much respect as is warranted at the time.
> 
> That all said, welcome back. Cut out the OMG HOMOPHOBE bullshit and we'll get along just dandy.



You big bastard you! LOL


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## Isa (Jul 23, 2009)

Mini said:


> Mergirl, I will refer to whomever I want however I want, and you're just going to have to deal with that. If you want to get your twat in a knot over it, more power to you. Personally, I found this entire situation amusing enough to warrant the bluntness, and you're hardly the first person to have been referred to by a less-than-pleasant colloquialism.
> 
> Remember, equality means that I treat you exactly as I treat everyone else, with exactly as much respect as is warranted at the time.
> 
> That all said, welcome back. Cut out the OMG HOMOPHOBE bullshit and we'll get along just dandy.





CurvyEm said:


> You big bastard you! LOL



Ah but he's a truthful big bastard. Gotta love him for it.


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## swamptoad (Jul 23, 2009)

krismiss said:


> That's what happens in chat if we try saying a certain N-word having to do with a certain dictator... It's hilarious.
> I <3 yahoos.



you nerd! 

not to mention the other word "hokus"


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## Weeze (Jul 23, 2009)

swamptoad said:


> you nerd!
> 
> not to mention the other word "hokus"



I'm not a nerd 
You know it's a regular occasion that we play around with the chat sensor! hahahah. 
no lie. i'm chuckling out loud just thinking about it right now.
maybe I am a nerd xD


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## mergirl (Jul 23, 2009)

Mini said:


> Mergirl, I will refer to whomever I want however I want, and you're just going to have to deal with that. If you want to get your twat in a knot over it, more power to you. Personally, I found this entire situation amusing enough to warrant the bluntness, and you're hardly the first person to have been referred to by a less-than-pleasant colloquialism.
> 
> Remember, equality means that I treat you exactly as I treat everyone else, with exactly as much respect as is warranted at the time.
> 
> That all said, welcome back. Cut out the OMG HOMOPHOBE bullshit and we'll get along just dandy.



I didn't think 'OMG HOMOPHOBE' I thought 'OMG SLEAZY and INSULTING'- I think you will find you 'can't' refer to anyone in any way you want here..Don't ask me how i know this. No need to get a limp dick over it all though.


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## mergirl (Jul 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> though to just take the word '_[d-word]_' out and replace it with 'D-word' doesnt actually make the post any less offensive to me. Its not the word i took offence to, it was the way it was used!



Oops..i remembered the F-word editing but forgot the D-word editing. This post kinna doesnt make sense now because of this! Can't we use the D-word when actually talking about when we can and cannnot use the D-word??


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## mergirl (Jul 23, 2009)

Oh.. and Risible.. i see an F-word you missed!! A wee clue, its in my second post on this thread i think! 
Poor you.


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## Mini (Jul 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I didn't think 'OMG HOMOPHOBE' I thought 'OMG SLEAZY and INSULTING'- I think you will find you 'can't' refer to anyone in any way you want here..Don't ask me how i know this. No need to get a limp dick over it all though.



My dear, I could still fuck my name into granite. Don't flatter yourself.


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## mergirl (Jul 23, 2009)

Mini said:


> My dear, I could still fuck my name into granite. Don't flatter yourself.



I doubt it. Play-dough, perhaps. Though i wont get my twat in a twist even bothering to think about all the silly floppy fumblings.


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## Mini (Jul 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I doubt it. Play-dough, perhaps. Though i wont get my twat in a twist even bothering to think about all the silly floppy fumblings.



See? That's the spirit. Now go forth and... well, not multiply, but you know what I mean.


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## stan_der_man (Jul 23, 2009)

Hey Mergie, glad to see ya back! 

Keep raising hell, that's all I have to say... :bow:


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## mergirl (Jul 23, 2009)

Mini said:


> See? That's the spirit. Now go forth and... well, not multiply, but you know what I mean.


Lots of queer people have kids you know. Think turkey basters or lots of alcohol. Some ugly people don't however.


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## Mini (Jul 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Lots of queer people have kids you know. Think turkey basters or lots of alcohol. Some ugly people don't however.



You must have never been to Walmart. It's pretty much a requirement that ugly people have multiple babies.


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## mergirl (Jul 23, 2009)

Mini said:


> You must have never been to Walmart. It's pretty much a requirement that ugly people have multiple babies.



Yeah, but thats just a secret pact between them to get more welfare!!


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## mergirl (Jul 23, 2009)

fa_man_stan said:


> Hey Mergie, glad to see ya back!
> 
> Keep raising hell, that's all I have to say... :bow:



Thank you. xx


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## Mini (Jul 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Yeah, but thats just a secret pact between them to get more welfare!!



I always figured it had more to do with growing organ donors.


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## Shosh (Jul 23, 2009)

Yay Mer is back. All is right with the world. Now learn to fuckin spell!:kiss2:


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## mergirl (Jul 23, 2009)

Susannah said:


> Yay Mer is back. All is right with the world. Now learn to fuckin spell!:kiss2:



erm..never mind.
Yay indeed.


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## Shosh (Jul 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> erm..never mind.
> Yay indeed.



I was just pulling your leg Mer.

I laugh at myself all the time with the brace I have to wear on my left leg, and having to walk with a cane, not to mention that my speech is terrible right now.

I missed you while you were gone.


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## mergirl (Jul 23, 2009)

Susannah said:


> I was just pulling your leg Mer.
> 
> I laugh at myself all the time with the brace I have to wear on my left leg, and having to walk with a cane, not to mention that my speech is terrible right now.
> 
> I missed you while you were gone.



yeah i'm in defence mode! So my humour is a bit limited! 
I missed you too! Now learn how to walk and speak! 
(i heard Aussy humour and scottish humour were kinna the same!) :happy:


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## Shosh (Jul 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> yeah i'm in defence mode! So my humour is a bit limited!
> I missed you too! Now learn how to walk and speak!
> (i heard Aussy humour and scottish humour were kinna the same!) :happy:



Mate I am juz a poor little gimpy cripple.

Aussie's have really sick humor. We love it.

I tell you what mate, you and GD have a place to lay down your heads if you are ever in Australia.
You are most welcome in my home.


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## mergirl (Jul 23, 2009)

Susannah said:


> Mate I am juz a poor little gimpy cripple.
> 
> Aussie's have really sick humor. We love it.



Yeah..kinna like the Scottish humour cept i think we swear more in an affectionate way. Oh man if i was describing myself i would have to use so many -words it wouldn't be worth it. Me and my friend who has M.S actually have our own club called the 'spazzy gang'. She is the leader at the moment because her iris sticking to her retina beat my dyslexic agoraphobic ass hands down. Oh well, if i'm lucky maby i'll break a limb of something.


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Jul 23, 2009)

Wagimawr said:


> Doesn't VBulletin have language filters? Couldn't we replace all slur words with the actual term (as in, set it so the d-word appears as the word "lesbian"?
> 
> Hilarity would ensue if someone went off on a rant.


 
That can produce other problems, as the narrow-minded homophobes at the American Family Association learned a while back....

* * * * * * * * * *

*The Dangers of Auto-Replace*

By Kyle | June 30, 2008 - 8:33am 
In addition to blocking traffic from websites they dont like, it looks like the web-geniuses behind the American Family Associations OneNewsNow site have a few other tricks up their sleeves, such as automatically replacing any use of the word gay with the word homosexual in any of the AP stories they run  leading to instances in which proper names are reformatted to meet their ridiculous standard, such as this article about sprinter Tyson Gay winning the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials in which he is renamed Tyson Homosexual:







Though AFA has since corrected its article, it looks like this auto-replace feature has been embarrassing them for quite some time now:


 
<more>​ 
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/2008/06/the_dangers_of_1.html​


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## marlowegarp (Jul 27, 2009)

Mini said:


> I always figured it had more to do with growing organ donors.



Jesus, you two! When's the wedding?


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## snuggletiger (Jul 27, 2009)

Oh Gawd this boohooing is still going on?


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## mergirl (Jul 27, 2009)

snuggletiger said:


> Oh Gawd this boohooing is still going on?


Daaahhm right!
Shaft! 

ahm nay greetin so dinny fash ya lang streak o pish!!


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## Spanky (Jul 27, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Daaahhm right!
> Shaft!
> 
> ahm nay greetin so dinny fash ya lang streak o pish!!



Dayum. To hear some of this would be just divine. 

Tape yerself ya wee lass an get ta postin the audio!


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## mergirl (Jul 27, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Dayum. To hear some of this would be just divine.
> 
> Tape yerself ya wee lass an get ta postin the audio!


You know...i was TOTALLY thinking of doing this! "Scottish for beginers". Soon Soon... after my essay and when i am very very drunk. You can only speak correct scottish when you are pished!


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## Spanky (Jul 27, 2009)

mergirl said:


> You know...i was TOTALLY thinking of doing this! "Scottish for beginers". Soon Soon... after my essay and when i am very very drunk. You can only speak correct scottish when you are pished!



SIGN ME UP! But we need field studies. Will the classes be in Edinburgh or Glasgow? Better be in a pub or I ain't comin!


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## mergirl (Jul 27, 2009)

Spanky said:


> SIGN ME UP! But we need field studies. Will the classes be in Edinburgh or Glasgow? Better be in a pub or I ain't comin!



Oh LIVE SHOWS!! Great idea! Though i was thinking a youtube performance first! Though, you have to be drunk to watch! :happy:


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