# Who wants to help me avoid jury duty?



## Cobra Verde (Jan 8, 2013)

I'm not due in until March 28th, but I want to get an early jump on my strategy since I'll only have 1 shot to sabotage my chances.

Regarding the obvious: I don't have a forceful enough personality to feign white-supremacist beliefs and/or insanity. Worse, I'd probably end up giggling half-way through explaining why The Jews destroyed Jolt Cola and they'd know I was faking.

I'm thinking of taking a low-key approach and trying to appear slow and hard of hearing. Ask for everything to be repeated at least twice and stare off into space when I'm supposed to speak and the like.
Of course, the risk is that'll I'll be too subtle and not clearly be a worse enough option than the other mouth-breathers that are sure to be in my group. 


Any suggestions or tips that have worked for you personally?


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## BLK360 (Jan 8, 2013)

I can always pose as Jewish and back up your claims of anti-Semitic hatred. But you run the risk of being accused of hate crimes.


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## Sasquatch! (Jan 8, 2013)

Or you could just do jury duty.


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## Melian (Jan 8, 2013)

Show up obviously drunk and tell them that you have an alcohol problem (only if asked).

They won't want you.


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## CleverBomb (Jan 9, 2013)

Read up on "jury nullification" and start talking about that during the screening. 
State that you're opposed to the death penalty. 

Or, as Sasquatch noted, you could actually just do it. Remember, every American has the right to trial by a jury of twelve people who weren't smart enough to evade jury duty. [/SNARK]


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## CastingPearls (Jan 9, 2013)

First, let me state the obvious: It's your civil duty.

Now that we got that out of the way, I told the truth. I'd (and a family member or four) had a few run-ins with some really dirty cops (they were neighbors and violent abusive drunks) and I couldn't believe any law enforcement's word as testimony in a court of law. Not only was I excused, but I was nearly physically thrown out of the courtroom. True story.


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## penguin (Jan 9, 2013)

I've been called up for jury duty twice and have been on three juries. I enjoyed it. We get paid a somewhat decent amount for it here, and I ended up getting more for doing my duty than for going to work.


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## Tad (Jan 9, 2013)

I don't know the system down there, but up here we get to know a bit about the trial going in to it. If it sounds like something short and simple, why not just take your chances and get it out of the way--you'll then be safe for ages.

The one time I got called up, it was for a nightmare of a trial (domestic murder, and everyone involved would need interpreters, so it was going to take ages), and to my incredible relief the judge let me off on grounds of economic compassion--jury duty pays about enough to buy you lunch and pay parking, my company only covered three days of jury duty, and I was the sole earner in the household at the time. But he didn't have to let me out on those grounds, I got lucky.


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## The Dark Lady (Jan 9, 2013)

The simplest & surest solution:

1. Make eye contact with & smile at both the prosecution & defense attorney. Even better if one sees you smiling at the other.

I don't know why people always think they have to overdo it if they wanna get out of jury duty. I actually WANTED to go through with it the ONE time I got called in, & they excused me because I guess it was obvious that I was the happiest-looking person in the courtroom.

Or it could've been that I showed up wearing a black leather corset, fuck if I know.


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## Mordecai (Jan 9, 2013)

Just go to law school or have relatives who are law enforcement. You'll get removed during selection (most likely by the prosecution for the former and the defense by the latter).


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## f0nzw0rth (Jan 10, 2013)

here's a good tip...throw the letter in the garbage...thats what I do with them


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## Paquito (Jan 10, 2013)




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## Saoirse (Jan 10, 2013)

Of you could just do it. It's like once every 3 years. We're so lazy in the country.


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## Cobra Verde (Jan 10, 2013)

So I'd decided to pool your tips and get drunk, put on a leather corset and phone in a bomb threat (someone suggested that last one, no?) until I noticed on the card that you can postpone your date for up to a year which I've since done seeing as I might be dead or living elsewhere by then.
So in a sense I kind of wasted everyone's time because I was too lazy to read the instructions, but in another more charitable sense I think we've all learned a lot about ourselves fron this experience.


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## CastingPearls (Jan 10, 2013)

Wear the black corset anyway. Post pics, please.


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## fat hiker (Jan 10, 2013)

f0nzw0rth said:


> here's a good tip...throw the letter in the garbage...thats what I do with them



I don't know about where you are, but this runs the risk of a contempt of court charge here.... and that's a serious criminal penalty.


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## LeoGibson (Jan 10, 2013)

fat hiker said:


> I don't know about where you are, but this runs the risk of a contempt of court charge here.... and that's a serious criminal penalty.



In my city they are not sent as certified mail, so they can't prove you received it so if you are so inclined you can just throw it away and ignore it.


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## f0nzw0rth (Jan 10, 2013)

fat hiker said:


> I don't know about where you are, but this runs the risk of a contempt of court charge here.... and that's a serious criminal penalty.



Im in New York City and they are sent regular old snail mail...no proof I ever received anything...Ill go when I have to sign for it

Until then


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## CastingPearls (Jan 10, 2013)

In my area the sheriff knocks on your door to pay a visit (unless he's standing in line behind you at the deli, in which case he'll ask you why you didn't call Sylvia with your excuse and how's your dad and he'll also take a pound of Land O'Lakes yellow American, thanks.)


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## penguin (Jan 10, 2013)

Here you get two letters - one is more or less a reminder closer to the date - and if you haven't been able to submit a reasonable excuse and had it accepted, you need to turn up on the day. You can try lodging another excuse when you're there, but if that fails, you have to stick around to see if you'll be picked or not. If you don't turn up, I believe you can be fined. Our picking process is different from what they do in the US, I believe, as they put all the info cards into a little barrel, spin it, and pull them out one by one. No one knows if their name will get called or not.


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## SuperMishe (Jan 10, 2013)

I try to avoid jury duty at all costs. Yes, I know it's my civic duty, but not JUST mine, everyones!! Why do I get the card EVERY year for the last 20 years when others have never been called? In this age of computers they really should be able to keep track of those who've been asked to serve before. I had to actually go last time and it was a logistical nightmare for me. And I can guarantee you that three years to the date of that "civic duty" I will get a card that it's time to serve again. Meanwhile, others will say "Oh, I've never had to go".. grrr...


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## vinarian (Jan 10, 2013)

I'm 32 now, and never been called, though I always wanted to do it once, not the least because I hate stupid people and would love the chance to have their fate in my hands (evil laugh)


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## PandaGeek (Jan 12, 2013)

Show up in renaissance garb, dressed like a noble, and ask to be called Lord Duckswallow of Raxacoricofallapatorius.


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## Cobra Verde (Jan 12, 2013)

Except _this _fucking lunatic was picked as an alternate juror in a criminal trial back in the mid-90s:








THE MATTER HAS BEEN RESOLVED!





CastingPearls said:


> Wear the black corset anyway. Post pics, please.


This, however, is still under consideration.


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## Shinobi_Hime-Sama (Jan 12, 2013)

Well maybe I'm just a civic duty shirker but I found the best way to avoid ever being called is to never register to vote. That way they can't find you even if they wanted to. Of course I'm in the 60% of my age group who don't vote anyway, Canada has so many elections in such short time intervals that I just get bored of it.


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## Blackjack (Jan 12, 2013)

PandaGeek said:


> Show up in renaissance garb, dressed like a noble, and ask to be called Lord Duckswallow of Raxacoricofallapatorius.



In order to claim this you have to fart a lot, though.


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## EMH1701 (Jan 16, 2013)

I only ever once got a jury duty letter and it was for someone else who had once lived at that address.


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## Miskatonic (Jan 17, 2013)

Cobra Verde said:


> I'm not due in until March 28th, but I want to get an early jump on my strategy since I'll only have 1 shot to sabotage my chances.
> 
> Regarding the obvious: I don't have a forceful enough personality to feign white-supremacist beliefs and/or insanity. Worse, I'd probably end up giggling half-way through explaining why The Jews destroyed Jolt Cola and they'd know I was faking.
> 
> ...



The easiest way to avoid jury duty is to be a naturally deplorable person and just let that fact shine during selection.


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## Cobra Verde (Jan 18, 2013)

Blackjack said:


> In order to claim this you have to fart a lot, though.


Go on...


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## fat hiker (Jan 18, 2013)

Shinobi_Hime-Sama said:


> Well maybe I'm just a civic duty shirker but I found the best way to avoid ever being called is to never register to vote. That way they can't find you even if they wanted to. Of course I'm in the 60% of my age group who don't vote anyway, Canada has so many elections in such short time intervals that I just get bored of it.



Curious - there's no connection in Canada between voter's lists and court lists (it's illegal to use the voter's list for anything but elections). 

I understand they actually use municipal taxpayer's lists and census records to call prospective jurors.


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## CastingPearls (Jan 18, 2013)

They don't use voter registries for jury duty call-ups. That's a myth.


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## Shinobi_Hime-Sama (Jan 19, 2013)

I have no idea where I heard that but I thought it was true for the longest time. My parents have never been called for it and neither have I.


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## likeitmatters (Feb 24, 2013)

here is the charleston south carolina area they do not pay for you to be on a jury and I simply tell them sorry, you can take the jury notification and stick it up your arse cause I do not work for free and then I point out, go to the unemployment office or people who are on disability and pull from them. some of us work for a living and I have no time to convict somebody of whatever they are doing wrong.


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## CaAggieGirl (Feb 24, 2013)

likeitmatters said:


> here is the charleston south carolina area they do not pay for you to be on a jury and I simply tell them sorry, you can take the jury notification and stick it up your arse cause I do not work for free and then I point out, go to the unemployment office or people who are on disability and pull from them. some of us work for a living and I have no time to convict somebody of whatever they are doing wrong.



YES!!! There are so many people who are unemployed, homeless, etc. why not give them the $8/day and leave those who are working alone.


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## likeitmatters (Mar 8, 2013)

CaAggieGirl said:


> YES!!! There are so many people who are unemployed, homeless, etc. why not give them the $8/day and leave those who are working alone.




you do not get paid to be on a jury and in otherwords, you are working for free and I told them forget you. I aint bothering and I further tell them, if you pick me I would scream rant and rave and bring crazy to the next level.

they dont bother me.


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## Melian (Mar 8, 2013)

CaAggieGirl said:


> YES!!! There are so many people who are unemployed, *homeless*, etc. why not give them the $8/day and leave those who are working alone.



Because people generally don't want their fate decided by a panel of dirty old men with track marks on their eyeballs.


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## Cobra Verde (Mar 8, 2013)

Compared to what some races can expect from the justice system in this country that might actually be an improvement...


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## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 8, 2013)

I got my doctor to write me a note. I told her (honestly) that I was worried they would not have seating that would accommodate my size comfortably for eight hours. I told her at work that I have a chair that was custom-made for me, and that's the only reason I can make it through 8 hours there. If I'm in a too-small chair, I have to sit on the edge of the seat, and all my weight is put on my knees - bad news for someone with knee issues. 

If you're larger and seating could be an issue, it may be something worth talking over with your doctor.


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