# We need to come out of the closet



## looker2005 (Jan 9, 2007)

I was feeling lonely and after trolling this site I come across this on grouphug.us:

I'm a 29 year old virgin. I've only ever had one boyfriend in my life (I was 19 at the time), but he was an ass and cheated on me with his ex, so I dropped him like a bad habit. It's been 10 years now, and while I've kissed a fewother guys and fooled around a little, I've never actually had sex. I don't think any guy will ever want me as long as I'm fat. I've been obese most of my life. Guys don't like fat chicks. I have male freinds that I get crushes on, but I'm too afraid to tell them because I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of wrecking perfectly fine friendships. I don't know how to let a man know I'm interested in more than friendship. I have such poor social skils that I can't even tell if a man is flirting with me or not. 

I think only one of my friends knows the truth about me, but i know she'd never tell. With the rest of my friends, i just try to avoid the topic of sex altogether. I've lied to some and pretended like I lost it a while ago. I think I fake it pretty well.

I just can't understand why it's so easy for some girls to meet men and fall in "love". What's their secret? Why do men find me repulsive.I don't think I'm ugly. I know I'm no beauty queen, I'm just fat. I desperaterly want to fall in love with someone who loves me. I long to be in a releationship. It breaks my heart every time I see a couple holding hands, or hear about someone's new boyfriend. I'm so jealous.

I'm afraid of being alone and lonely for the rest of my life. I'm afraid of still being a virgin at 30. 
--------------------------

We need to tell these girls that we do like them for what they feel is a flaw. I need to come out of the closet. Maybe you do too. Set a date and fuck the consequences. We need to stop this horrible problem of virginity once and for all. Who's with me?


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## Tooz (Jan 10, 2007)

grouphug.us is one of the most depressing sites on the internet, I feel.


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## GWARrior (Jan 10, 2007)

i dont see how virginity is a "problem"


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## activistfatgirl (Jan 10, 2007)

GWARrior said:


> i dont see how virginity is a "problem"



It is for her if she says it is.


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## Jay West Coast (Jan 10, 2007)

Maybe this 7,000 person forum should have a few good ol' fashioned drive-by pro-fat postings on sites like that. There are too many FA's out there to count, but girls just aren't used to hearing from us. 

Meh, we were talking about some of this stuff in the Clubhouse. But, yeah, I agree. The "I'm fat=Everybody thinks I'm ugly" equation is the source of a lot of unfounded self-hate these days.


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## GWARrior (Jan 10, 2007)

activistfatgirl said:


> It is for her if she says it is.



i think her problem is not being able to find a good guy. sex only comes after that.


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## Risible (Jan 10, 2007)

looker2005 said:


> We need to tell these girls that we do like them for what they feel is a flaw. I need to come out of the closet. Maybe you do too. Set a date and fuck the consequences. We need to stop this horrible problem of virginity once and for all. Who's with me?



If I'm reading your post right, you're proposing that you form a group of Dims members to locate and "treat" the virgins here.

How about if the virgins look for a partner when, and if, they're ready for a cure to their "horrible problem?"

There's nothing like a little pressure to make a perceived "problem" even worse...


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## GWARrior (Jan 10, 2007)

Risible said:


> If I'm reading your post right, you're proposing that you form a group of Dims members to locate and "treat" the virgins here.
> 
> How about if the virgins look for a partner when, and if, they're ready for a cure to their "horrible problem?"
> 
> There's nothing like a little pressure to make a perceived "problem" even worse...



you read my mind and expressed it way better! thank you!


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## JoyJoy (Jan 10, 2007)

GWARrior said:


> i think her problem is not being able to find a good guy. sex only comes after that.


 Therein lies the rub. A truly "good guy" isn't going to want to be with a girl who has low self-esteem and feels badly about her virginity, blaming it all on her size. Generally speaking, the kind of guy she'll be most likely to attract in her current state of mind is one who simply wants to take advantage of her, use her and then dump her, leaving her feeling used and worse than before. Sure, she'll no longer be a virgin, but for what? There's also the possibility of finding a guy who likes her and wants to convince her that she is beautiful at her size, but if she is still struggling on other levels with her self-esteem, she's likely to resist his charms or run him off. The true heart of the matter is to build her up from within, by showing her that there is a world outside of the societal stereotypes and that she can be acceptable and beautiful as she is, and that there are lost of guys (and girls) who feel that way.


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## Paw Paw (Jan 10, 2007)

I find that a lot of ladies feel that when one of us guys tries to give them some attention, they think that all we want is some " easy fat chick" sex. Or that (in my case) they feel that they are too big for the man. Therefore, all he wants is to be a friend. I am so tired of this mentality.

I will admit that in most cases I feel a sexual attraction first. But, If there is no personality connection, then there is no sex interest on my part. A lot of these scenarios can find the root problem there.imo "He don't want me cause I'm fat!" could be an excuse for being an insufferable bitch. Not every man is out to hurt you.

That is what I see. Sorry for the rant.

Peace,
2P.


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## lemmink (Jan 11, 2007)

Actually, there are quite a few pro-fat postings on that site. 

My boyfriend is an grouphug.us reader/addict and likes to read me out all the ones like, "I'm getting fatter and I LOVE it..."



Jay West Coast said:


> Maybe this 7,000 person forum should have a few good ol' fashioned drive-by pro-fat postings on sites like that. There are too many FA's out there to count, but girls just aren't used to hearing from us.
> 
> Meh, we were talking about some of this stuff in the Clubhouse. But, yeah, I agree. The "I'm fat=Everybody thinks I'm ugly" equation is the source of a lot of unfounded self-hate these days.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jan 11, 2007)

Virginity can be a problem. 

I was a virgin by choice til I was 25 or 26, I forget, lol. But I hated telling people. Even though it was MY CHOICE. A 500lb girl, in most of societies eyes, is not a desirable sex partner. So had I admitted I had never had sex to anyone....they would have assumed I was less than. And I'm sorry, I'm not cool enough to be able to brush off what everyone else thinks.

I'm happy I waited....and I'm happy I've only had a couple of partners. Makes my love life seem that much more special and sacred. Just my opinion though

The reason I waited so long.....my whole family is full of....women who like sex...for lack of more favorable terms. Nothing wrong with that at all. I am very pro sex. But I saw those women become fragile man needing, unstable, out of control women. I refused to be that. And because I was 25 and already a woman....I knew who I was and I am in control of my life, unlike the women in my family.

Im not saying a girl who at 15 has had sex 10 times will end up crazy. It just happens that way in my family.

So now in my current life, I love Mike with all of my heart, but I stand up for myself, hold my ground in debates etc....I don't need to be with a man to complete my life...he is just an excellent addition and I love him to pieces! And I have let my inner nympho come out, lol..tmi Im sure...sorry.


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## itsfine (Jan 11, 2007)

I think sometimes when you are bigger, its easy to blame it on being fat just physically. Guys are assholes because they don't date fat girls!

Well, I think its more of the damage done to a plus sized womans confidence, trust, ect. from the media, and the few people who bash others for being bigger. 

_An example:_ My best friend. One of the hottest big girls I have ever seen in my life. Dresses great, beautiful face and body, ect. Everyone thinks she is hot. She refuses to hear us!! Guys like her, but she scares them away with her own fat jokes and lack of confidence in that area.

I walked in on a bunch of people from work talking about her (My friend recently has been sad for lack of relationship) and this coed group was saying that this girl was crazy for thinking a guy wouldnt date her because she was 'fat'. 


So ladies who want gentlemen, be confident! and if you don't have confidence, be enthusiastic(and please don't nervously make fun of yourself, guys can tell  )!


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## moonvine (Jan 11, 2007)

itsfine said:


> So ladies who want gentlemen, be confident! and if you don't have confidence, be enthusiastic(and please don't nervously make fun of yourself, guys can tell  )!




What about those of us who are confident, but who just aren't attractive to men? (It isn't that bad of a thing, all things considered. Most people don't get to have everything, and the things I do have are pretty damn good).


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## Butterbelly (Jan 11, 2007)

I have a best friend who is a big girl. She is always complaining about how she is 29, a virgin, and can't get a date. Her main excuse is because she is fat. I keep telling her that if she boosted up her confidence, accepted her size, and changed her attitude about fat, she might be able to find someone. But, to no avail, she continues to ridicule herself and scares every potential date away. 

I figured out that if the mind and body work well together, you have no problem finding a man who is attracted to you for all the right reasons.


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## moonvine (Jan 11, 2007)

Butterbelly said:


> I have a best friend who is a big girl. She is always complaining about how she is 29, a virgin, and can't get a date. Her main excuse is because she is fat. I keep telling her that if she boosted up her confidence, accepted her size, and changed her attitude about fat, she might be able to find someone. But, to no avail, she continues to ridicule herself and scares every potential date away.
> 
> I figured out that if the mind and body work well together, you have no problem finding a man who is attracted to you for all the right reasons.




I have to disagree. I accept my size and have plenty of confidence, and I only talk about my inability to find a date on fat boards. I would never ridicule myself, especially publicly, and I think I am fine just the way I am. I recently gave up the search for a potentially acceptable romantic partner after 10 years with only a few short term relationships and 2 years without a date at all. It is just as disturbing to me when my experiences are discounted as it apparently is to people who are dieting who are told that diets do not work. I'm tired of being told to change my attitude - I have a great attitude. 15 or 20 years ago I had a crappy attitude and still attracted some potentially acceptable romantic partners. Granted, I think it was my crappy attitude that drove them away, but I was still able to attract them initially.


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 11, 2007)

looker2005 said:


> I was feeling lonely and after trolling this site I come across this on grouphug.us:
> 
> I'm a 29 year old virgin. I've only ever had one boyfriend in my life (I was 19 at the time), but he was an ass and cheated on me with his ex, so I dropped him like a bad habit. It's been 10 years now, and while I've kissed a fewother guys and fooled around a little, I've never actually had sex. I don't think any guy will ever want me as long as I'm fat. I've been obese most of my life. Guys don't like fat chicks. I have male freinds that I get crushes on, but I'm too afraid to tell them because I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of wrecking perfectly fine friendships. I don't know how to let a man know I'm interested in more than friendship. I have such poor social skils that I can't even tell if a man is flirting with me or not.
> 
> ...



When did virginity become a problem? I hold my virginity and preference together in a statement that I think makes me slightly better than the common exclusively thin-loving man.


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## Tooz (Jan 11, 2007)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I was a virgin by choice til I was 25 or 26, I forget, lol. But I hated telling people. Even though it was MY CHOICE. A 500lb girl, in most of societies eyes, is not a desirable sex partner.



You know, I am still a virgin, and those who aren't just shocked and amazed that a 22 year old female could still be a virgin blame it on my size. I hate having to be defensive about something like this! I HATE having to tack on "by choice," because otherwise people will assume no man would EVER want to have sex with me. Saying it makes me feel like an ass who's trying to hard, too. I feel like I can't win.


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## GWARrior (Jan 11, 2007)

by the sounds of some of these posts, it seems people are talking about their virginity publicy.


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## eightyseven (Jan 12, 2007)

I think some of the women who have commented have somewhat made this point already, but I just figured I would say it... your life is only as fulfilling as you perceive it to be.

If you spend your days obsessing over what you don't have or could have but aren't getting (a partner, sex, a promotion, etc.) then yeah, you are more than likely not going to have a fulfilling daily life. What people should realize is that first you need to assess what in your life is a blessing (I hate to use a religiously-connotated term in this instance, but you all know what I'm trying to get at). If you know you're beautiful both inside and out, then it's the fault of others if they can't recognize it either. YOU ONLY HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THINGS THAT ARE IN YOUR CONTROL. You can't make someone want to be with you, have sex with you, date you, marry you... whatever. The only reason you need to change who you are is if you feel unsatisfied with something you can actually work to change. For instance, if you don't feel beautiful... take the steps necessary to feel better about yourself, it's worth the time. You don't need a partner or coach either... it's a self-healing process.

I admire everyone on this thread who has been honest and forthright in their comments, and I admire anyone who strives to make their lives more fulfilling.


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## djewell (Jan 13, 2007)

sex is an outgrowth of love
love is an outgrowth of several ingredients.
physical attraction is only part of that, and often follows from the other ingredients of love (i think).

as for me i am a virgin by choice, because i want to be a virgin when i get married. not because of any religous reason but rather because i honestly do believe that sex is a thing that a person should only give to one person. 

the woman that i love is not a virgin. i don't judge her for this because whether or not a person is a virgin is not a big deal. nevertheless i still want to save mine for my spouse.


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## TallFatSue (Jan 13, 2007)

itsfine said:


> So ladies who want gentlemen, be confident! and if you don't have confidence, be enthusiastic(and please don't nervously make fun of yourself, guys can tell  )!


This is my experience, more or less. I hated being the big tall fat girl, and I always moped around trying to hide -- not that hiding was even remotely possible at my size. But then I bumbled into my perfect defense mechanism, which was to be a friendly wise ass, which worked amazingly well. Yes indeedy, I became the big tall fat girl who made people laugh, and soon I had lotsa friends. I wasn't any more confident at first, and I cringed inside, but everyone else interpreted it as the big tall fat girl who radiated confidence. Before long I began to believe my own delusion, and my self-esteem became genuine.

For a while it looked like I would have a lot of friends who were boys, but no boyfriends. Even that situation began to improve, as friendship blossomed into romance in a few cases. My husband said he never expected to fall in love with the biggest fattest woman he ever met, but by golly he was "driven to Sue" because I made him feel good and life just seemed to be so doggone interesting with me around. Either that, or he was fascinated by how much my breasts bounced when I got a truly impressive case of hiccups on our first date.

This isn't to say that obesity and hiccups are the secret to love and happiness, although they sure worked for me! My point is that if a woman feels and acts attractive, then she will be treated as an attractive woman and men will be interested in her.


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## Kingplaya4 (Jan 16, 2007)

Well one thing that I'll say that may not be popular but is true is that "fat" really shouldn't be its own category when we talk about looks. What I mean is, there are attractive fat people and not so attractive ones. I don't see a pic of the OP, so if you're still on this thread don't think I'm judging you.

I think its sad looks are so important in dating, but they are, and just as guys like thin girls find some thin girls ugly and others attractive, so the same is for guys who like bigger women. Maybe this post will do more harm than good, but for some women their weight is not their problem in dating, its something else about their looks.

Of course there are personality considerations as well, but these are more for keeping a boyfriend/girlfriend than the initial attraction.

Anyway, I hope no one gets offended. I personally consider myself below average in looks so I'm certainly not looking down on anyone. Just telling it how I see things going down in the dating world.


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## Cosmic~Wombat (Jan 17, 2007)

activistfatgirl said:


> It is for her if she says it is.



yeap.. everyone has issues even skinny girl lovers.. damn them.. damn them to hell


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## Luvwhoseline (Jan 17, 2007)

I understand your problem. I was afraid I was going to be a virgin forever and it was going to be written on my tombstone. No man wanted me or who did want me on the rare occasion was a loser. 

I waited a long time but finally a man came along when I was 31 and it finally happened at that age. Yes, it was a long wait but well worth it.

Don't sell yourself short and don't settle. Hold your head up. If you have some confidence, the right man will find you.

I wish you much luck and happiness!!


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## Jes (Jan 17, 2007)

TallFatSue said:


> This is my experience, more or less. I hated being the big tall fat girl, and I always moped around trying to hide -- not that hiding was even remotely possible at my size. But then I bumbled into my perfect defense mechanism, which was to be a friendly wise ass, which worked amazingly well. Yes indeedy, I became the big tall fat girl who made people laugh, and soon I had lotsa friends. I wasn't any more confident at first, and I cringed inside, but everyone else interpreted it as the big tall fat girl who radiated confidence. Before long I began to believe my own delusion, and my self-esteem became genuine.
> 
> For a while it looked like I would have a lot of friends who were boys, but no boyfriends. Even that situation began to improve, as friendship blossomed into romance in a few cases. My husband said he never expected to fall in love with the biggest fattest woman he ever met, but by golly he was "driven to Sue" because I made him feel good and life just seemed to be so doggone interesting with me around. Either that, or he was fascinated by how much my breasts bounced when I got a truly impressive case of hiccups on our first date.
> 
> This isn't to say that obesity and hiccups are the secret to love and happiness, although they sure worked for me! My point is that if a woman feels and acts attractive, then she will be treated as an attractive woman and men will be interested in her.



Wait, you get the hiccups? Why are we just now hearing about this??


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## Still a Skye fan (Jan 19, 2007)

Well, that opening post just made me sad and I hope that young woman manages to find a little happiness.

Now, consider this...I turned 41 a week ago today and I'm still a virgin. Yes, I'm an actual "40 Year Old Virgin", so to speak, for a number of reasons: I was born with a total lack of athletic ability and attended a "jock" high school...so dating was out of the question then. I spent my college, teaching and grad school years too damn busy to even think about dating. My late Mom and I had "issues"...I was honestly going to stay single instead of inflicting any unsuspecting wife and kids on that miserable woman (Long story and no, I don't miss her any...she passed from cancer in '97). I've also been depressed on/off for years and I just didn't feel like dating.

I'd date sporadically over the years and dated a lovely blonde BBW for most of 2005 but I liked her more than she liked me and things ended peacefully. I still miss her but I've moved on. When a couple isn't "clicking", it's time to end things.

So, yes, I admit that I have low self-esteem issues and Mom issues but I'm getting past all of that with time.

My seemingly eternal virginity really isn't an issue with me...it'll happen when it happens. Yeah, obviously, I'm in no rush (LOL!).

I always enjoy chatting with the many great ladies here, I have a job I like and I'm fairly good at it, I own my own house and car and, while I won't be asked to be a GQ model anytime soon, I'm insanely healthy, shower regularly and think I'm a decent looking guy.

It's taken me awhile to work out my many issues and realize that I have a great deal to offer a potential partner and I'm sure I'll find her soon.



Dennis


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## Slowfuse (Jan 22, 2007)

First, let me preface this by saying I assume all the guys are here because (like me) they find BBW's to be interesting and beautiful and adorable. While there ARE scum out there that will target big women just for sex, assuming them to have lower self-esteem, I don't believe anyone here at this site fits that profile. My significant other still doesn't get it, and has unknowingly insulted me a few times. When we were dating 15 years ago, she asked me onetime if I thought she would be "easy" because she was fat. In more recent years she's finally caught on that I really dig big women, and think she IS sexy. and then she said I was "sick". WTF? Why is it so hard for some women to accept that some guys prefer larger women? It's heartbreaking that there are beautiful people out there, of both sexes, that could meet with someone that would adore them, if only they would open up to the concept that they ARE beautiful. It's really insulting that people assume a guy would only like large women because he thinks they are "easy". If people can have preferences based on height, haircolor, clothing,religion, even accents, why not size? How do you get across to someone the sincerity that you think they are beautiful, when they don't believe you. Maybe even don't WANT to believe you?


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## adrianTX (Jan 24, 2007)

I definitely agree with Slowfuse (above post) on many points concerning this subject. I have been asked a few times "where are all the good guys." An unfortuanate reality of the society we live in is that many (but in no ways all) men are raised to look at women as unequal in emotional and social value. This may sound crazy, but there are many men who dismiss women as overemotional figures who merely live to please men and procreate. I think the problem lies in that there are a shortage of quality men, and then you cross section that with men who are bbw admirers, or into size acceptance, and it creates a "niche." Many of the bbw/fa events I have attended have a mix of decent guys and guys who are just wanting to get laid or mistreat somebody, yet this is also true of going to any club or social gathering, there are a group of guys who want a fling, and a group of guys who want something genuine. Similar to other situations, this problem is magnified due to the limited group of people who are "fa." I don't believe that all the good guys (or gals for that matter) are taken, I simply think its a matter of being exposed to that group of people, which isn't always easy. I admire all the guys and gals on this forum, and I truly believe the large majority of people involved in dimensions are great people, so its proof that there are good peopel "out there."


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## furious styles (Jan 24, 2007)

looker2005 said:


> Guys don't like fat chicks.



I disagree.


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## XGuy (Jan 24, 2007)

Wow I had never seen that site. I think it actually did help me a lot, it really allowed me to organize my thoughts after writing my confession several times because it ended up being too long.

For the first time in years of semi-torment I know what eats at my soul.


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## Allie Cat (Jan 24, 2007)

Virginity is HIGHLY overrated. I don't miss it a bit. 

=Divals


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 24, 2007)

looker2005 said:


> I'm a 29 year old virgin. I've only ever had one boyfriend in my life (I was 19 at the time), but he was an ass and cheated on me with his ex, so I dropped him like a bad habit. It's been 10 years now, and while I've kissed a fewother guys and fooled around a little, I've never actually had sex. I don't think any guy will ever want me as long as I'm fat. I've been obese most of my life. Guys don't like fat chicks. I have male freinds that I get crushes on, but I'm too afraid to tell them because I'm afraid of rejection...



It is strange -- or maybe it's not, in this overly sexualized/sexually commodified world we live in -- but there is a lot of shame associated with virginity these days. It's a joke punchline. I know in part because I was a virgin like you, Looker, until much later in life, later than anybody I knew. In my case, I was out there as a fat girl, involved in size acceptance issues, but disbelieving on a personal level that guys liked fat girls. Liked them in the deliciously physical world. It was all theory. Fabulously tantalizing theory, but just an idea.

What do you do with shame? Shine a light on it. Telling people here about it is a good idea, because you can start to crack some of your tightly-wound tenets open (no one will ever want me, etc.). Even if you don't believe it, it's good to start *acting* as if there was no shame in the situation. Because there isn't. Just because you are a virgin does not mean you are a desexualized person with no sensual life.

I would never in a million years say that it's the same being a fat girl as being a skinny one in this world, cause it isn't (and I have been both). But have you ever heard anybody say they've never felt heartache and pain? Nobody gets a free ride. Everybody has battles to fight.

Everything good that's happened to me in my life, and that includes career changes, dealing with family issues, fabulous delicious big ol fat girl sex (yes it happened), scary artistic risks, has all happened because I chanted to myself over and over, "It's never too late." It's NEVER too late. If I can still be saying this at 40, you can say it at 29.

Another thing: Ask your GYN somebody how many virgins he/she knows. They come in every age, shape & size.

There are a lot of issues wrapped up in your post, but that's what I wanted to say. 



looker2005 said:


> --------------------------
> 
> We need to tell these girls that we do like them for what they feel is a flaw. I need to come out of the closet. Maybe you do too. Set a date and fuck the consequences. We need to stop this horrible problem of virginity once and for all. Who's with me?



Errr...this confused me. Are you switching genders here? Or quoting somebody?


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## Aireman (Jan 25, 2007)

Heh... I was a virgin till well into my 20's. And don't miss it. But it's the same for some men and women "the size issue". While not huge I am "plump" and it did cause self esteam issues when it came to the opposit sex. Around the guys I was fine but, when it came to women I would clam up 'cause I didn't want to confront a size acceptance or more devistating a rejection. And I blamed women for it instead of confronting that it was really my own issue.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 25, 2007)

liz,
looker is not the virgin. He's an FA. He said something like "I ran across this on grouphug.us..." Everything after that is a quoted confession from that website. When you get to the "------" part, everything after that is his own opinion. He's saying fellow FA's need to come out of the closet to help beat this atrocious BBW virginity epidemic.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 25, 2007)

itsfine said:


> I think sometimes when you are bigger, its easy to blame it on being fat just physically. Guys are assholes because they don't date fat girls!
> 
> Well, I think its more of the damage done to a plus sized womans confidence, trust, ect. from the media, and the few people who bash others for being bigger.
> 
> ...



You know, I also think a lot of it could simply be a simple fear, on some level, of the opposite sex. If you're not very experienced with men, too much of the wrong kind of attention from them can be scary, imo. I realized after some self-searching and even therapy, that part of my weight issues stem from not liking too much of the wrong kind of attention from the opposite sex i.e. jeers, up and down looks, remarks and just flat out disrespect towards you because they can't see you as more than a body. 
Not all men make a woman feel uncomfortable/bad about her body but it seems like fear, for whatever reason, is definitely playing into it.


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 25, 2007)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> liz,
> looker is not the virgin. He's an FA. He said something like "I ran across this on grouphug.us..." Everything after that is a quoted confession from that website. When you get to the "------" part, everything after that is his own opinion. He's saying fellow FA's need to come out of the closet to help beat this atrocious BBW virginity epidemic.



Doh! That's what I get for flying through a message at 100 mph. Makes sense.


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## liz (di-va) (Jan 25, 2007)

Last time I write a thoughtful post to a guy lookin to get his swerve on . bwah!


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## Famouslastwords (Jan 26, 2007)

First post.

You guys are already somewhat out of the closet. I was found on a dieting site of all things.....and referred over here. I've been lurking for awhile, going back and forth.


Funny-ish FA story: I was in Vegas with my bf (who is now my ex) and I was sitting alone because I wasn't old enough to gamble (for one more day) and a guy walked up to me, put his hand on the small of my back, and said "The Lord is my shepard, and I SEE what I want."

Sorry to go slightly off topic.


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## Jay West Coast (Jan 26, 2007)

Famouslastwords said:


> First post.
> 
> You guys are already somewhat out of the closet. I was found on a dieting site of all things.....and referred over here. I've been lurking for awhile, going back and forth.
> 
> ...


 
Two things: 

1) Welcome to the Boards! Who on the diet boards was referring you over here? I find a strange happiness in this story... 

2) You weren't creeped out when the casino guy did that? Makes a guy think he should go to Vegas to see the ladies, if nothing else. Say, in August sometime...


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## Famouslastwords (Jan 26, 2007)

/giggle.


1) I didn't catch his DIM name or even know if he posts here, was just referred, but he found me here:http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=124 Almost a whole year ago. :shocked: 

2) I wasn't creeped out. Just flattered. I'm not used to being hit on...well I was when I was thinner...but.

Anyway, hi


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## angel_love_ (Feb 24, 2007)

Why do others see me as fat and ugly? Beauty is a state of mind and I feel a woman of any size can be sexy as long as she sees herself as sexy. If you feel ugly you carry a ugly Ora so to speak. If you feel sexy and beautiful you carry a sexy and beautiful Ora as I see it. I never saw myself as fat just beautiful. I had this crush on this boy in school and he sat next to me on the bus and we started chatting. His words to me was ,,,If you lost weight you would be the most beautiful girl in the school. Now you might think this comment would hurt but that was not the case. The fact that he thought I was beautiful but fat made me feel good. The fat issue was his not mine and the fact that he found me beautiful other then my size was awesome to me. I smiled at him sweetly and responded ,,,,,,,I am the most beautiful girl in the school but you just don't know it yet. Now you might say that comment sounds conceited but I see it as secure and confident in my self worth as a person and my looks. So a helpful hint is ,,the world see you as you see yourself in the mirror. You see ugly/fat the world sees you ugly/fat. You see Large and lovely the world sees you as large and lovely.






looker2005 said:


> I was feeling lonely and after trolling this site I come across this on grouphug.us:
> 
> I'm a 29 year old virgin. I've only ever had one boyfriend in my life (I was 19 at the time), but he was an ass and cheated on me with his ex, so I dropped him like a bad habit. It's been 10 years now, and while I've kissed a fewother guys and fooled around a little, I've never actually had sex. I don't think any guy will ever want me as long as I'm fat. I've been obese most of my life. Guys don't like fat chicks. I have male freinds that I get crushes on, but I'm too afraid to tell them because I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of wrecking perfectly fine friendships. I don't know how to let a man know I'm interested in more than friendship. I have such poor social skils that I can't even tell if a man is flirting with me or not.
> 
> ...


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## Cosmic~Jans (Feb 24, 2007)

While she is 6 foot 1 she is also almost 400 pounds.. if that isn't fat then someone direct me to the fat room because I love this fat girl with my entire heart and soul.  making her bbq right now actually :kiss2: 
huggles y'all and keep yer chins up.. Confidence is sexy above all.

This was taken for lovin my chub thread by the way:doh:


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## gangstadawg (Feb 24, 2007)

adrianTX said:


> I definitely agree with Slowfuse (above post) on many points concerning this subject. I have been asked a few times "where are all the good guys." An unfortuanate reality of the society we live in is that many (but in no ways all) men are raised to look at women as unequal in emotional and social value. This may sound crazy, but there are many men who dismiss women as overemotional figures who merely live to please men and procreate. I think the problem lies in that there are a shortage of quality men, and then you cross section that with men who are bbw admirers, or into size acceptance, and it creates a "niche." Many of the bbw/fa events I have attended have a mix of decent guys and guys who are just wanting to get laid or mistreat somebody, yet this is also true of going to any club or social gathering, there are a group of guys who want a fling, and a group of guys who want something genuine. Similar to other situations, this problem is magnified due to the limited group of people who are "fa." I don't believe that all the good guys (or gals for that matter) are taken, I simply think its a matter of being exposed to that group of people, which isn't always easy. I admire all the guys and gals on this forum, and I truly believe the large majority of people involved in dimensions are great people, so its proof that there are good peopel "out there."


its even worse on fullfiggas.com. there is always a woman posting "men aint shit" threads there.


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## gangstadawg (Feb 24, 2007)

Divals said:


> Virginity is HIGHLY overrated. I don't miss it a bit.
> 
> =Divals



and so can sex.


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## imfree (Feb 24, 2007)

Sex is over-rated. It is only part of love-making. Love-making is
only part of a good relationship. I know because I made the mistakes and
suffered the heartbreak that resulted from them.
Sadder And Wiser,
Edgar


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## Krissy12 (Feb 25, 2007)

I think a famous singer once said, "People who think sex is over rated just aren't doing it right" 

(I'm teasing you, Edgar.) 

Virginity is something, I believe, that's just like sexuality. It's no ones business but your own. When and if you choose to share that with someone is your decision. Here's hoping you find someone you trust enough to let that part of yourself go if you would like. *clink*


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## imfree (Feb 25, 2007)

Krissy12 said:


> I think a famous singer once said, "People who think sex is over rated just aren't doing it right"
> 
> (I'm teasing you, Edgar.)
> 
> Virginity is something, I believe, that's just like sexuality. It's no ones business but your own. When and if you choose to share that with someone is your decision. Here's hoping you find someone you trust enough to let that part of yourself go if you would like. *clink*


 Hahaha!!!, Krissy, you could be right. I had been hypoxic for a couple decades before we found out I needed to be on oxygen. I'll try turning the oxy way up if I should ever get "lucky"! I guess I prefered cuddling 'cuz it uses less oxygen!
Feeling Stronger
Every Day,
Edgar


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## Krissy12 (Feb 25, 2007)

imfree said:


> Hahaha!!!, Krissy, you could be right. I had been hypoxic for a couple decades before we found out I needed to be on oxygen. I'll try turning the oxy way up if I should ever get "lucky"! I guess I prefered cuddling 'cuz it uses less oxygen!
> Feeling Stronger
> Every Day,
> Edgar



Ever thought about an oxygen tent?  

Seriously, I'm glad you're feeling much better and I hope to see you say someday that you no longer need to "feel better". Take care, Edgar!


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## imfree (Feb 25, 2007)

Krissy12 said:


> Ever thought about an oxygen tent?
> 
> Seriously, I'm glad you're feeling much better and I hope to see you say someday that you no longer need to "feel better". Take care, Edgar!



Thanks Krissy, I already feel better at 51 than I did at 30. If I get too
much better and stronger, I could be a real "danger" to BBWs and, especially, SSBBWs. LOL
HUGGZZ,
Edgar


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## BitsyAintMyName (Feb 25, 2007)

My virginity(as far as men are concerned) stems from my shyness. I was shy before I was a BBW and I probably always will be. My size hasn't impeded guys from hitting on me. But most of them are old coots or likely chubby chasers. A good friend of mine would love to have sex with me but if I had sex with him he'd expect more from our relationship than I'm willing to give. I believe you can have sex with a friend and still be just friends but I don't think he does. I had a sexual relationship with a girlfriend of mine for years and we were just friends and that was just fine. I really want a boyfriend more than I want to have sex. Now if Julian McMahon or James Marsters happen to knock on my door and want to get busy I'd do it with no hesitation.


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## ripley (Feb 25, 2007)

Why is it that fat women are so very often seen as unf*ckable or, conversely, easy?


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## Krissy12 (Feb 25, 2007)

ripley said:


> Why is it that fat women are so very often seen as unf*ckable or, conversely, easy?


 
That's a question for the ages, I'm afraid. The general theory is that fat women are easy because they'll take what they can get. If they find someone who actually wants to have sex with them, then they're peeling off their panties. People really should stop talking about me that way. 

But really, I'm sure it's just another way to put down what many see as an undesirable trait to have, like when people think homosexuals are all deviant. It's basically a combination of immaturity and stupidity.


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## bigplaidpants (Feb 26, 2007)

ripley said:


> Why is it that fat women are so very often seen as unf*ckable or, conversely, easy?





Krissy12 said:


> That's a question for the ages, I'm afraid. The general theory is that fat women are easy because they'll take what they can get. If they find someone who actually wants to have sex with them, then they're peeling off their panties. People really should stop talking about me that way.
> 
> But really, I'm sure it's just another way to put down what many see as an undesirable trait to have, like when people think homosexuals are all deviant. It's basically a combination of immaturity and stupidity.



Great question...and response, Krissy. This is something I'd love to get to the bottom of. I think part of this is a social phenomenon - it's some insideous combination of mysogyny and fat-phobia. Both "unf*ckable" and "easy" cast big/fat women as things...like styrofoam cups.

The converse is....folk don't know what to do with a fat/large confident woman, sexy, and commanding of respect. I don't pretend to know a fat woman's experience, or pretend to downplay the hard work it is to be confident in this world. Nevertheless, there is little I love more than big/fat women depicted - in movies or real life - as deeply desirable and giving off an air of "can't touch this." It's so damn subversive. It outs fat-phobia and sexist attitudes against woman for what they are.


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