# Strange Vibe



## steely (Aug 8, 2006)

So I went out to dinner last night at the local mexican place.It was very good as usual.As I am sitting there an average size BBW gives me a look that would wither your bones.I was surprised but simply smiled back at her.

The point is I wonder why?Granted I am a very large woman but she was a large woman too.It made me wonder if perhaps she might see in me herself and where she might be headed.Not everyone is enlightened about their weight or anyone elses for that matter.

It was just strange and made me wonder about the prejudices within the overweight world.I'm overweight but not as much as you are type thing.I guess varying degrees of fat make a difference.Have any of you had this experience with other overweight people?


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## activistfatgirl (Aug 8, 2006)

I have to admit, I saw this in myself when I was younger. I was always looking to make sure that there was someone bigger than me, though often times there wasn't anyone! And when there was I always felt this mix of understanding/fear/pity/loathing directed at that person. I'm not proud of that at all, but I do recognize it, and that's a good step at correcting it.


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## elle camino (Aug 8, 2006)

or, y'know, maybe she was looking at someone behind you, or fidgeting because her contacts were uncomfortable, or mistook you for someone else whom she had an actual problem with, or making a face because her food was gross, or was just having a bad day and had a puss on. 
just saying, when we assume...


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## steely (Aug 8, 2006)

elle camino said:


> or, y'know, maybe she was looking at someone behind you, or fidgeting because her contacts were uncomfortable, or mistook you for someone else whom she had an actual problem with, or making a face because her food was gross, or was just having a bad day and had a puss on.
> just saying, when we assume...




You may be right but it's really hard to mistake me for someone else.A 400 pound woman is hard to mistake for someone else.I can usually understand direct eye contact.It didn't bother me which shows how far I have come.It just made me wonder about the vibe you put out.


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## elle camino (Aug 8, 2006)

...the vibe _I_ put out, or did you mean the vibe _she_ put out? my vibe is more 'we should always allow for more than what our knee-jerk reactions dictate' than 'ugh you are so WRONG about this woman!'. 
however, it's still a good topic. so, dicuss it up.


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## steely (Aug 8, 2006)

Your vibe is pretty hostile but I meant her vibe at that moment and anyone's vibe at any particular time.Is it karma ?Does that vibe come back to you at a later time?I guess smiling was the right thing to do instead of a knee jerk reaction and scowling at her in the same manner.


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## elle camino (Aug 8, 2006)

steely said:


> Your vibe is pretty hostile


because i politely introduced a few alternate interpretations of the situation, on the behalf of someone who's not here to defend herself or explain her actions? 
i wouldn't call that hostile. we're all adults here, we can discuss and occasionally differ in opinion.


but yes, smiling is always the right thing to do. that way, you're covered if she was just grimacing at something in her own head, and if she was acually making a face at you specifically.


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## swordchick (Aug 8, 2006)

*Two of my best friends are both fat. Both of them will laugh and make comments about other fat people. It makes me mad because it is not necessary to pick on others to make yourself feel better. I've seen and heard people laughing at both of them. When people (fat or skinny) stare at me with that "damn, you're fat" stare, I will usually say "hi", "what are you looking at", "mind your own business" or stare back at them. Just because they have low self-esteem doesn't mean they should bring you down with them.*

*Everybody needs to love their body!*


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## sirumberto (Aug 8, 2006)

swordchick said:


> *Everybody needs to love their body!*



It would certainly help to make everyone feel better for a while. Though I'd hate to be the one to clean up afterwards.

Can't we all just get along?


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## steely (Aug 8, 2006)

swordchick said:


> *Two of my best friends are both fat. Both of them will laugh and make comments about other fat people. It makes me mad because it is not necessary to pick on others to make yourself feel better. I've seen and heard people laughing at both of them. When people (fat or skinny) stare at me with that "damn, you're fat" stare, I will usually say "hi", "what are you looking at", "mind your own business" or stare back at them. Just because they have low self-esteem doesn't mean they should bring you down with them.*
> 
> *Everybody needs to love their body!*




That's kind of the point I guess I was trying to make.We are all fat so why would I make fun or be angry.If you put that out there it just perpetuates negative vibes.


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## GoddessNoir (Aug 8, 2006)

steely said:


> So I went out to dinner last night at the local mexican place.It was very good as usual.As I am sitting there an average size BBW gives me a look that would wither your bones.I was surprised but simply smiled back at her.
> 
> The point is I wonder why?Granted I am a very large woman but she was a large woman too.It made me wonder if perhaps she might see in me herself and where she might be headed.Not everyone is enlightened about their weight or anyone elses for that matter.
> 
> It was just strange and made me wonder about the prejudices within the overweight world.I'm overweight but not as much as you are type thing.I guess varying degrees of fat make a difference.Have any of you had this experience with other overweight people?



I've gotten that look on occasion. Usually, I just stare back at them or give them a look, that takes care of it. The other day, I was going into the city and this little man (I say little because he was barely 5 feet) gave me one of "those looks" so I stopped walking and just stared at him, he turned his head because, really, what was he going to do? I think people do this to try and shame a fat person like "how dare you be outside while fat" kind of thing. But forget 'em, if they look, look right back, I do.

I've gotten that look from other fat women too and you know what? I look right back at them too. I'm an equal opportunity looker.


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## Michaela (Aug 8, 2006)

When I was still ~ 245 lbs I always used to look down on fat people, especially if they were fatter than me. I really don't know why and I am ashamed of it today because I never had a reasonable explanation for disliking them. Today (I'm now down to 170 lbs) I see fat (even very fat) people as the equal human beings they are.
Weird, I know...


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## sirumberto (Aug 8, 2006)

Michaela said:


> When I was still ~ 245 lbs I always used to look down on fat people, especially if they were fatter than me. I really don't know why and I am ashamed of it today because I never had a reasonable explanation for disliking them. Today (I'm now down to 170 lbs) I see fat (even very fat) people as the equal human beings they are.
> Weird, I know...



Projection. Pure and simple projection. You didn't like who you were and were afraid of what you might become and they reminded you of that. So you subconsciously took it out on them.

At least that's my guess.


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## steely (Aug 8, 2006)

sirumberto said:


> Projection. Pure and simple projection. You didn't like who you were and were afraid of what you might become and they reminded you of that. So you subconsciously took it out on them.
> 
> At least that's my guess.



You put that so much better than I was going to do.Thanks


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## elle camino (Aug 8, 2006)

i think a _lot_ of this thread is the result of projection, frankly.


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## ripley (Aug 8, 2006)

Projection or not, this _does_ occur. A lot of women think "At least I'm not THAT fat" when they see a larger woman. Maybe this glare wasn't a glare, or had nothing to do with relative sizes, but I do think that this sort of competition occurs a lot among women of size. The larger are sometimes jealous of or intimidated by the smaller. The smaller are sometimes upset because the really big get the attention from the hard-core fat admirer...they feel exasperated because they aren't fat enough. 

I don't know how to create more solidarity among fat women. While there are some lovely women that are caring, supportive, and accepting, there are also many that feel in competition for men, or feel like they don't want to be "lumped in" with the truly large that are so vilified by society.


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## elle camino (Aug 8, 2006)

ripley said:


> Projection or not, this _does_ occur.


sure it does, which is why i said it was a good topic. however, gesticulatory misinterpretations also occur just as frequently. and while people like Michaela sharing their own former actions and prejudices is fertile ground for discussion, speculating as to the motivations of people who aren't present to defend or explain themselves is just kinda pointless. 

as for what you said, i don't know how to foster solidarity between fat women, either. i try to smile at every large person i pass while going about my daily activities, and that's enough of a start for me.


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## SerraP (Aug 8, 2006)

ripley said:


> A lot of women think "At least I'm not THAT fat" when they see a larger woman.



I admit, I'm often guilty of "staring" at other fat women, and it probably looks like I'm thinking negatively about them. What it really is, is me trying to wrap my head around the possibility of me being the same size as them.

I'm going through a time right now where I'm coming out of a medication-induced 3 year long brain fog, in which a lot of damage occurred to my body. I have been big as long as I can remember, but was generally stable at 240 from high school onward. I got up to 305 during pregnancy, and hovered around there afterwards, too.

Somehow, someone snuck into my body everytime I slept the last 3 years, and pumped me up to 375. The difference between pictures of me then and now is astonishing, to me. I don't recognize myself, at all.

I've really only become aware of my body in the last few weeks, and I am simply stunned at the difference. I knew it felt "wrong" on me, that I felt like I was wearing the wrong body, but I could never put my finger on why. Well, heck, when you're carrying 70 lbs more than you think that's a good reason!

This is not for the hard core FAs in the room  They might be upset lol

So, I'm losing weight. Since March, I've lost 45 lbs, and am feeling a fair bit better already, but there's still been no noticeable change to my body. I've got a goal to lose another half of me, but that's still at least a year out. I'm sure I'll see major changes in the meantime.

So when I see a fat woman now, especially a very large one, I will often get lost in my thoughts, wondering if that's what I look like, because I honestly have no frame of reference for this unfamiliar body that I'm wearing, and I am struggling to try to fit it into my head, so to speak.

~SerraP~


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## sirumberto (Aug 8, 2006)

SerraP said:


> I admit, I'm often guilty of "staring" at other fat women, and it probably looks like I'm thinking negatively about them. What it really is, is me trying to wrap my head around the possibility of me being the same size as them.
> 
> I'm going through a time right now where I'm coming out of a medication-induced 3 year long brain fog, in which a lot of damage occurred to my body. I have been big as long as I can remember, but was generally stable at 240 from high school onward. I got up to 305 during pregnancy, and hovered around there afterwards, too.
> 
> ...



You do what feels best for you. Lose weight because you want to though, not because you're worried everyone will think you're too fat. I don't like it when women feel pressured to lose weight, and quite honestly, I don't like it when women feel pressured to gain weight. One is no better than the other.


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## Zandoz (Aug 8, 2006)

GoddessNoir said:


> "how dare you be outside while fat"



Now there's a look I'm familiar with...that and the "don't get too close...it might be contagious" look.

I like to sit out on the porch in the evening, and those looks are a nightly thing. Our porch is right next to the sidewalk, and several times a week I get to laugh to myself when one or more walking my way up the street get a deer-in-headlights look...panic...cross to the other side of the street...and occasionally cross back when a short way past. When folks do actually walk by on my side of the street, I always try to be friendly and say hello...it's amazing how one simple word can motivate such drastic increases in speed and the overwhelming need to study the sidewalk pavement for some folks.


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## steely (Aug 8, 2006)

Zandoz said:


> Now there's a look I'm familiar with...that and the "don't get too close...it might be contagious" look.
> 
> I like to sit out on the porch in the evening, and those looks are a nightly thing. Our porch is right next to the sidewalk, and several times a week I get to laugh to myself when one or more walking my way up the street get a deer-in-headlights look...panic...cross to the other side of the street...and occasionally cross back when a short way past. When folks do actually walk by on my side of the street, I always try to be friendly and say hello...it's amazing how one simple word can motivate such drastic increases in speed and the overwhelming need to study the sidewalk pavement for some folks.



If they only knew of your fantastic Steely Dan-ness they would rush up to your porch and make you sing all the songs.I know I would


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## Angel (Aug 9, 2006)

The two basic human emotions are _love_ and _fear_. Either love or fear is the root source from which all other human emotions arise. Love breeds happiness; satisfaction; contentment; hope; desire; and other positive emotions. Fear causes sadness; insecurity; frustration; shame; greed; envy; jealousy; possessiveness; hate; bitterness; and other negative emotions. The physical manifestations or outward reactions (ie: facial expressions) caused by fear are not always pleasant. As young children we are taught by others how to react or how to respond to fear. Parents subconsciously and sometimes intentionally teach their children inappropriate ways of responding or reacting. 

If you look at things in this reverse order, it sometimes makes the actions of others (or of ourselves) easier to understand. A _look_ or a _gesture_ is only an outward physical reaction that was probably taught to the person as a young child. The negative physical reaction is a symptom of what the individual is feeling emotionally. If the root of all negative human emotions is fear, then a _glare_ or a silent _scowl_ is only the outward manifestation of the fear that the individual is feeling. 

Sadly, some individuals have not matured past the point of still reacting and responding in childish manners. The next time someone acts childish or responds like a rude teenager, chalk it up to them having not learned how to appropriately address or express their fears. 


:doh:


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## Zandoz (Aug 9, 2006)

steely said:


> If they only knew of your fantastic Steely Dan-ness they would rush up to your porch and make you sing all the songs.I know I would



If they ever heard me sing, they'd not only cross the street, they would go far enough to be out of audible torture range...LOL I couldn't carry a tune in a bushel basked with extra handles and a fork lift to help.


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## Jes (Aug 9, 2006)

I'm getting a strange vibe reading this thread.

In my lady parts.


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## Rainahblue (Aug 9, 2006)

steely said:


> So I went out to dinner last night at the local mexican place.It was very good as usual.As I am sitting there an average size BBW gives me a look that would wither your bones.I was surprised but simply smiled back at her.
> 
> The point is I wonder why?Granted I am a very large woman but she was a large woman too.It made me wonder if perhaps she might see in me herself and where she might be headed.Not everyone is enlightened about their weight or anyone elses for that matter.
> 
> It was just strange and made me wonder about the prejudices within the overweight world.I'm overweight but not as much as you are type thing.I guess varying degrees of fat make a difference.Have any of you had this experience with other overweight people?



Well I don't think a thread like this is pointless. It brings up an interesting phenomenon that I've noticed for years. I mentioned this in another post, but I don't remember where... 

Anyway, I agree with the idea that it's a simple reflection of a person not feeling good about themselves. If you need to look around and point out someone who is "less" than you are for some imaginary reason (she's fatter, she's not as pretty, her shoes aren't as expensive), just to feel good, that's pretty freakin' sad.

Even at Lane Bryant, I was genuinely surprised by comments like, "Look at the size of these panties! I'm SO glad I'm not_ this _big!" These same women would complain about being mistreated by thinner counterparts.

When someone gives me a nasty look, I have to wonder too. Are they disgusted by my lipstick choice? Had they just bitten into something really sour? 

Ah, the mysteries of life.  ​


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 9, 2006)

steely said:


> So I went out to dinner last night at the local mexican place.It was very good as usual.As I am sitting there an average size BBW gives me a look that would wither your bones.I was surprised but simply smiled back at her.
> 
> The point is I wonder why?Granted I am a very large woman but she was a large woman too.It made me wonder if perhaps she might see in me herself and where she might be headed.Not everyone is enlightened about their weight or anyone elses for that matter.
> 
> It was just strange and made me wonder about the prejudices within the overweight world.I'm overweight but not as much as you are type thing.I guess varying degrees of fat make a difference.Have any of you had this experience with other overweight people?



Maybe that's just her attitude. Maybe she's just a snotty woman who feels like she's better than everyone else and it had nothing to do with your weight.


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## crazygrad (Aug 14, 2006)

I had a similar experience the other day, except I was the look giver.

I was running errands on my bike and some woman ran a red light and nearly ran me over. I saw her again in the store and gave her a look. She asked why I was looking at her like that. I said- you don't know? She said- cause I'm fat. I said no- cause you almost hit me when you ran the light. And she said- bikes don't belong on the road, you should ride on the sidewalk. So I gave her another look (bikes should never be oon the sidewalk unless we're talking bout kids or people who don't know how to ride or a designated bike/foot path) and walked away to finish my shopping.


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## ChickletsBBW (Aug 14, 2006)

darn.. and i thought this was a topic about a new new/strange toy *laughs*

anyway hehe...

I'm not sure I've ever felt like I was better than a larger girl or guy.. but I'm pretty sure that I've had that type of attitude directed towards me before. Especially at BBW gatherings and I don't know why.. I'm there just like everyone else to have a good time. *shrugs*


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## UMBROBOYUM (Aug 17, 2006)

Wowa after reading these posts I'm glad when I stare at a bbw I smile... its my way of letting them know I Really, Really, like what I See.  ... although i worry sometimes if i have something on my face or in my nose or teeth hahahaha. 


-Jon


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## love dubh (Aug 17, 2006)

crazygrad said:


> I had a similar experience the other day, except I was the look giver.
> 
> I was running errands on my bike and some woman ran a red light and nearly ran me over. I saw her again in the store and gave her a look. She asked why I was looking at her like that. I said- you don't know? She said- cause I'm fat. I said no- cause you almost hit me when you ran the light. And she said- bikes don't belong on the road, you should ride on the sidewalk. So I gave her another look (bikes should never be oon the sidewalk unless we're talking bout kids or people who don't know how to ride or a designated bike/foot path) and walked away to finish my shopping.



I don't know about your state, Crazy, but in NJ, bikes are legal vehicles and have the same rights as cars/trucks/vans/etc. In fact, you can get fined for being *on* the sidewalk, if you are over 12 years old. I did a Critical Mass bike ride, which is a "take back the streets" deal for cyclists, and it was fantastic.

Funnily enough, we were all sitting at the light, waiting for it to change. Someone at the cross street, in their car, which was turning right, yells "LOSERS!" So, the light changes, we all have this mischievous gleam. We're riding, and guess what? That girl and her girlfriend are sitting in traffic. We all hoot (juvenile, I know, but satisfying!) "WHO'S THE LOSER NOW?!"

So, yeah, that woman was driving recklessly, and had you been hit, SHOULD have been penalized. Provided you were riding cautiously and sanely, you have no reason *not* to be on the road. People need to chill the hell out when they're driving. The two seconds it will take to slow down and pass a cyclist won't ruin their day.


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## crazygrad (Aug 20, 2006)

Technically, bikes are legal here too, except on freeways, and I was riding in a "bike friendly community." The problem is most people have NO clue how to ride safely in traffic- they ride into traffic, not with, never signal (probably don't in their cars either) and don't follow the lights. So when those of us who know how to handle riding on busy streets come along, cars don't know what to do with us. Its annoying, especially when I'm trying to bike more to buy less gas.


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## Sandie S-R (Aug 20, 2006)

steely said:


> So I went out to dinner last night at the local mexican place.It was very good as usual.As I am sitting there an average size BBW gives me a look that would wither your bones.I was surprised but simply smiled back at her.
> 
> The point is I wonder why?Granted I am a very large woman but she was a large woman too.It made me wonder if perhaps she might see in me herself and where she might be headed.Not everyone is enlightened about their weight or anyone elses for that matter.
> 
> It was just strange and made me wonder about the prejudices within the overweight world.I'm overweight but not as much as you are type thing.I guess varying degrees of fat make a difference.Have any of you had this experience with other overweight people?



Everyonce in a while at the store or something, a small or mid sized BBW will look at me with a sour look. I imagine she is probably thinking - "I hope I do not end up like that!". I usually smile a big smile and wave...which then generally embarrasses the crap out of her, and she moves on. 

But yes, there are many (not in our movement) who have a real holier than thou attitude with the supersized. Kind of a moral superiority at being able to control their body size better than a supersized person can.

Personally...I'm fine with people being stupid and ignorant. I just refuse to let it effect me.


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## Ivy (Aug 20, 2006)

I know that I often give people HORRIBLE looks, I don't mean to and I don't mean anything by them, its just that sometimes my face will end up in a really mean expression, especially if I am bored. I will do it looking directly at people, because I rent to stare off into space..

Maybe it was the same for her?


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## crazygrad (Aug 20, 2006)

Sandie, If anyone is staring at you, I can only imagine its envy. You are stunning!


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## Aliena (Aug 20, 2006)

I don't know what y'all are talking about; I always stick my tounge out at strangers!


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## crazygrad (Aug 20, 2006)

Does the tongue work better than flipping the bird?


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## Aliena (Aug 20, 2006)

crazygrad said:


> Does the tongue work better than flipping the bird?




Yesssssssss! But, it does get me into trouble every now and then.


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## crazygrad (Aug 20, 2006)

maybe I should mix it up. I've always been a fist shaker (got it bfrom Scooby Doo- you crazy kids, i would've gotten away with it).


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## cherylharrell (Dec 21, 2009)

I love to see other fat folks. Makes me know I am not alone in being fat. They always look better than I do tho...


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## aussieamazonwoman (Dec 21, 2009)

Interesting discussion.

You know, I have been the recipient of some *looks*. I am 6 foot one inches tall after all, and hell, people notice me.

I have also had comments like "oh my god you're a big girl". I once got into a conflict with a colleague who was a rather large lady and she spat at me that I "looked like a man" amongst other things. How rude. I have massive fantastic boobs that you couldn't buy if you tried, a little waist for my size, and hips, hips, hips. I realised this woman was so insecure and damaged that she decided to attack me in this way because she wanted to believe that if we were both fat we should both feel as bad about ourselves as she did.

It kind of shits that I used to think if I was shorter and still big, people wouldn't notice me as much. And mainstream "normal" society, well I don't fit, psychologically, intellectually, physically or spiritually.

I used to be really hurt by the comments, now I think i look like a ridiculously fabulously tall, oversized hourglass amazon woman.

And when women whether they are thin or fat, decide to comment on my body in a negative way, it kind of has the effect of making me: 1) asking them politely why they feel the need to comment on my body OR 2) making me behave in an even more confident, sexier manner.

On the other hand, I get really positive comments from people like "oh my god you are sexy, you are ALL woman", and men out in the mainstream world are either terrified of me, or absolutely drawn to me - this is ok.

I really try (and am not always successful at it) to remember I am responsible for the way I feel and to make a choice to feel great. My own insecurities have often been my worst enemy.


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## bigjayne66 (Dec 21, 2009)

sirumberto said:


> You do what feels best for you. Lose weight because you want to though, not because you're worried everyone will think you're too fat. I don't like it when women feel pressured to lose weight, and quite honestly, I don't like it when women feel pressured to gain weight. One is no better than the other.



I have felt in the past that I am under pressure this way too
I am at my biggest ever now,as I have given up trying to diet as i love food too much .I think my ex was a secret feeder /encourager and I didn't want this either,I am putting on weight without male assistance lol...


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## Tau (Dec 21, 2009)

Fat girl hate really depresses me  Its like - how are you giving me a death stare for being fat when you're also a fattie?? Many fat girls get particularly vicious if they see you or perceive you to be doing something that they perceive as not being appropriate for a fattie. 

I'll never forget two years ago I went to stay with a good friend - she's also a fat girl - at her family home in Durban. We were walking through town to get to the beachfront and I was wearing a purlpe mini and a black, cleavagy top. Not even a major mini, just above the knee. The hate I got from the other fat women on the street was chilling. They stopped, they pointed, they glared. Durban is one of South Africas fattest provinces. The Zulu women in KwaZulu Natal, same as the Xhosa women of the Eastern Cape, are HUGE. HUGE!! Giant boobs, bellies and butts abound. So to be walking down a street and getting aggression from people I regarded as fat sisters was just so upsetting. 

To make it worse my friend ignored me the entire time, acted like she was so embarrassed to be seen with me. I asked her about it and she said she thought my clothing choices in general needed rethinking. We're over that patch now, it was two years ago, and I set her straight on what I wear and when I wear it and how I expect her to feel about it, but that memory still stings. I've bought other mini-skirts, I've worn other mini-skirts, but I've never, ever been able to put that particular skirt on again.

Hate from other fatties doesn't happen too often, thank God. I expect death stares from skinny girls - when its coming from the fat ones it just feels really personal. I also stare at other fat women because I find them unbearably hot and often tell them without being too creepy or pervy. I honestly don't understand looking at the other fattie in the room and projecting disapproval


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## KuroBara (Dec 21, 2009)

Had your order come yet? Maybe she was thinking "Damn, I knew I should have ordered that!! She looks so happy! And cheesy and/or saucy! And beautiful! And she is having my order!


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## Hathor (Dec 21, 2009)

I've been subjected to that look too from other bigger women. I always had the thought of "Yes, finally!" when I see other plus sized people, namely woman, around me either at the movies or restaurant. Just makes me feel more cozy and normal. 

I don't understand why some bigger people look down their noses at me. 

I wonder if I do the same thing while not realizing it. I know sometimes I look at plus sized woman who are dressed a little more scantily than I do and I stare at them wishing I had the balls to dress like they do. I'm still too self conscious to bare my arms or legs more than I do.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 21, 2009)

It's so terrible the ways competition for male attention or our own self-hatred can divide us. Especially when as women, and maybe especially as fat women, we really need each other for sharing, support, encouragement, and speaking truth to each other. 

Down with all that divisive crap, and up with the sisterhood!!!


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## steely (Dec 21, 2009)

Wow, this is a blast from the past.  You know, I posted this three years ago when I first found Dims. In those 3 years I have found that the happier I am, the happy shines through. I have gained more confidence in that time. Now I never even question, I just smile. Big or small, it doesn't matter. If they are big like me I hope they see a friend, if they are not I hope they see a friend. All I can be is me. Life is too short to waste.


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## squurp (Dec 21, 2009)

steely said:


> So I went out to dinner last night at the local mexican place.It was very good as usual.As I am sitting there an average size BBW gives me a look that would wither your bones.I was surprised but simply smiled back at her.
> 
> The point is I wonder why?Granted I am a very large woman but she was a large woman too.It made me wonder if perhaps she might see in me herself and where she might be headed.Not everyone is enlightened about their weight or anyone elses for that matter.
> 
> It was just strange and made me wonder about the prejudices within the overweight world.I'm overweight but not as much as you are type thing.I guess varying degrees of fat make a difference.Have any of you had this experience with other overweight people?



If she hates herself for being fat, and you are fat and seem content, that makes envious - why must she suffer so, when you do not?


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## Buffie (Dec 21, 2009)

You guys, I have a confession... 

My "I'm thinking hard n junk" face isn't a cute one. If Mr. Buffie asks me to calculate the tip at a restaurant or something equally vexing and I really have to concentrate (depending on how big of a beer I have consumed) my face gets all twisted around wrong and sometimes he thinks I'm mad at him. The truth is, my gears are just locked up! >_<

So it isn't /always/ that someone is giving a go-to-hell on purpose. Some of us aren't always aware of what our mugs are doing. 

However, there are times when we catch a dirty look and we just *know* it isn't an accident. And the giver of such looks, in my experience, has usually been another female, although not often another big girl. Seems like I get them mostly from teen slim or thin girls and I want to shoulder check the bitches into next week. Just sayin.

=)


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## TallFatSue (Dec 22, 2009)

SerraP said:


> I admit, I'm often guilty of "staring" at other fat women, and it probably looks like I'm thinking negatively about them. What it really is, is me trying to wrap my head around the possibility of me being the same size as them.


Exactly -- in a good way. I'm usually the biggest person wherever I go, and on those relatively rare occasions I see someone fatter, I might catch myself staring, especially if it's another woman. No ill will intended. It's simply the surprise that someone is actually fatter than I am for a change, and it throws me for a loop, kinda like a dispruption in the normal order of things. I try to remember at least to project a warm smile. Part of it might also be "fat envy" because I've been so big all my life I've learned to love it but I'm at my upper limit in terms of comfort and mobility. And part of it is the feeling of a possibly kindred soul and my natural curiosity about her experiences in daily life. Well, at least we can swap experiences here. 

I've seen this in other people too. There was a documentary about very tall people and they interviewed a woman who was over 2 meters tall (maybe 6ft7). She said it's so unusual to see another woman her height that on one rare occasion she saw another woman a bit taller than her she was quite surprised too. She felt like running over and asking where the other woman bought her shoes etc. 


squurp said:


> If she hates herself for being fat, and you are fat and seem content, that makes envious - why must she suffer so, when you do not?


I have definitely been on the receiving end of those looks from other women, both thin and fat! 


mcbeth said:


> It's so terrible the ways competition for male attention or our own self-hatred can divide us. Especially when as women, and maybe especially as fat women, we really need each other for sharing, support, encouragement, and speaking truth to each other.
> 
> Down with all that divisive crap, and up with the sisterhood!!!


I second the motion!


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## Tracy (Dec 22, 2009)

Yes I have had this experience before. In my opinion the over weight society can be a real bitch to deal with 99.9% of the time.  Especially BBW!!


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## collared Princess (Dec 22, 2009)

activistfatgirl said:


> I have to admit, I saw this in myself when I was younger. I was always looking to make sure that there was someone bigger than me, though often times there wasn't anyone! And when there was I always felt this mix of understanding/fear/pity/loathing directed at that person. I'm not proud of that at all, but I do recognize it, and that's a good step at correcting it.



I did this as well..Id ask friends, "IM not as big as her am" I..how silly..IM glad Im out of that stage..now Im proud to be the biggest in the room wich is always


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## TallFatSue (Dec 22, 2009)

collared Princess said:


> I did this as well..Id ask friends, "IM not as big as her am" I..how silly..IM glad Im out of that stage..now Im proud to be the biggest in the room wich is always


Yes indeedy, I like being the biggest in the room too.


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## Weirdo890 (Dec 22, 2009)

I can't say I've ever gotten that look. Maybe it's because I'm intimidating to some people. I think I may have given that look to some other people who were larger than me. I'll have to work on that.


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## luscious_lulu (Dec 25, 2009)

I've never noticed it from another fat girl, but I have experienced the "look" from other people. One woman in vegas stopped dead in her tracks to stare at me, so I stopped what I was doing to stare back. She eventually got the clue and turned away.


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