# Gird your damned loins b/c here we go



## Jes (Jul 15, 2011)

All right ladies* I have a personal conundrum on which I'm hoping someone can shed some light. If you don't want to read about a fat woman having body/clothing issues, please skip.

I haven't worn a dress in 15 years. Ok, not true, I've worn ONE dress (bridesmaid--traumatic) in 15 years. 

And now I"m going someplace where I do feel it's appropriate to wear one.

I don't wear them b/c I don't feel I look attractive in them. And, b/c I don't wear them, the few times I HAVE worn them, I've felt really uncomfortable b/c I don't know HOW to wear them (say, keeping my knees together!). 

I guess you'd call me an apple or a brick. I have narrow hips, and am squat and boxy (thanks Polish heritage!). 

I'm a hair under 5 ft 4 and my upper half is average, but I have short legs for my height. 

I think my legs look giant and white, and I'm not a fan of showing them. As a result, they get no sun, so that's another strike against dropping trou and showing them. I would also not be comfortable wearing a strapless/armless dress.

But I think the greatest hindrance to my feeling comfortable in dresses is my stomach. It's pronounced and it seems like waistlines are confused by it. With pants, I have a tight waist band (I always wear rigid-waisted pants, nothing knit or with elastic) to cinch me in, which I really like and which I find both flattering and comfortable.

I've seen 2 choices in nicer, 'fitted' dresses: 

the empire waist, which (b/c of the large, high belly) makes me look pregnant--very pregnant

or the 'tie/belt' thing which really just ... if you don't have a waist, where exactly are you tying that sash? Right around the largest part of the abdomen, like: HERE YOU GO! IF YOU DIDN'T SEE THE GIANT BEACH BALL, YOU DO NOW! It'd be like tying a belt around an ACTUAL APPLE. 

Now, for the strap issue, I can and will most likely do a cardigan or bolero or something. I had a short organza (see through) 'jacket' with my bridesmaid dress and at least it was something, but I didn't love it.

But what the fuck do you do with things around your waist if you do not have a waist? If you have no waist at all, and a big belly, aren't you just emphasizing that when you try to put something over your waist? Imagine a pregnant woman with a belt over the largest part of her stomach. That's why pregnant women wear empire waistlines, but that accentuates the belly. And if you're not pregnant, than you don't want that, especially b/c 'empire waist' is kind of a tip off to maternity wear, so now you're *really* fucking yourself.

I need to wear color, not black, as that's not appropriate for my event.

I know I'm not going to look skinny, but I just ... want to get over the 'hump' (which is, I'm sure, as mental as it is physical) of what to do with a big high belly in a dress. We'll leave my bare arms and these big white legs for another thread. 









*and I do mean ladies. Thanks in advance.


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## Brenda (Jul 15, 2011)

What about a faux wrap dress and a girdle? A girdle will flatten your stomach out some making it less prominent and a faux wrap dress you do not have to decide where to place the bow. The length of the dress would be ideal at knee length or even a hair shorter.

Oh and keep your legs together.


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## Miss Vickie (Jul 15, 2011)

You could certainly wear an unconstructed kind of dress, without a specific waist per se, but a super duper interesting neckline and an over jacket. I it were a print, no one would care what was going on with your waist and there would be no confusion at all.

Are there any fat chick clothing stores near you that are reliable? Can you throw yourself at their mercy? Incidentally, my friend is built like you and did just fine with a wrap-style dress with a wide belt that gave an implied waist and looked great.

I'll look and see if I can find some pictures. But yes, undergarments will be your friend.


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## olwen (Jul 15, 2011)

Jes, my upper half is wider than my lower half and I'm an apply sort of upside down triangle shape, but I still love to wear dresses. I'm actually starting to feel kinda gangly in pants truth be told. Wish I had more dresses. Anyway, since I have a double belly, empire waisted dresses make my upper belly roll stick out really far and I feel I look like I've been cut into thirds and then that part of the dress can be a bit tight there and too loose above the empire line or too loose below it. The solution, jumpers or dresses with a yolk neck and thick straps and an A line skirt. Or maxi dresses with a very large elastic band above the empire line and an A line skirt. Basically, the A line dress is your friend.

Something like this: http://www.alight.com/blue-plate-flowering-floral-dress.html

this: http://www.onestopplus.com/clothing...aspx?PfId=244464&DeptId=11583&ProductTypeId=1

this: http://www.onestopplus.com/clothing...aspx?PfId=240107&DeptId=11583&ProductTypeId=1

this one has sleeves: http://www.alight.com/blue-plate-brooklyn-bandana-dress.html

I can't afford Igigi, but a girl can dream: http://www.igigi.com/plus-size-dresses/plus-size-casual-dress/emerald-city-eyelet-dress.html


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## Tania (Jul 15, 2011)

B and V have some greAt suggestions. You might also like something w/ruching around the waist and hips - kiyonna has some cahyooot ruchewaisted dresses right now!

Oh and in line w/what V said, igigi has some dresses with long, indeterminate waist seams that look good with or without belts. Personally, I agree that a wide belt would probably look great!


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## Tania (Jul 15, 2011)

PS - Olwen linked one of the Igigi styles I was referencing! There are a few others in the same cut - I think some of them are still in the sale section! (can't really look cuz iPhone)


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## Jes (Jul 15, 2011)

Brenda said:


> What about a faux wrap dress and a girdle? A girdle will flatten your stomach out some making it less prominent and a faux wrap dress you do not have to decide where to place the bow. The length of the dress would be ideal at knee length or even a hair shorter.
> 
> Oh and keep your legs together.



When you say girdle, do you mean full spanx? Like top to bottom? 

I always like the idea of a wrap or something for coverage--it moves, and attracts the eye and I hope camouflages things. Did i spell that right? Anyway, I think I may be lying to myself...what we think makes us look nice isn't always right. 

A wrap dress is nice in theory but I've never had one work on me. Plus, I'm not finding any with sleeves (and a wrap with a sash/bow seems a bit much under a jacket, right? Unless it's ubershort, which also I don't know how I'd feel about it.

I'm not comfortable with a skirt going that high, to be honest.


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## Jes (Jul 15, 2011)

Also? I'm not comfortable with a maxi dress though i love them in general. I think that for me, very long (and kinda shapeless) is a mistake. I have very short legs, so anything to the ground cuts me off and makes me look like a cinched garbage bag dropped on the corner waiting for trash day.

I'm going to look at these and think about them.

I have a Macy's here that I can get to. They should have some things for me to try on and even if I'm only saying: this style doesn't work on me: it can be worth it. 

I did order a dress already but was told it wouldn't fit with the event b/c it's not what everyone else will be wearing. It took so much nerve to buy a dress in the first place! But, still, this is a learning curve, right? 

ps: Olwen, that last (green) dress seems to want a waist, no? i mean, i just feel like my belly would be ridiculous in it.


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## Jes (Jul 15, 2011)

Oh! And here's another part of the issue: while there's not exactly a 'dress code' at this event, it's being held on a tropical island. And apparently, people have a certain way of dressing there for events, and I don't really know what it is. So y'all could find something beautiful and flattering, but it might still not be 'what's done' there. 

Which is disheartening and hard to work with. I am, however, in the process of soliciting some examples of things people would wear. It's a warm climate, so apparently just about anything with a cardigan, jacket or shrug wouldn't be common at all. But I need that to feel comfortable if something doesn't have sleeves, so I'm not throwing that convention out the window just to fit in. 

Btw: this is the dress I ordered:

http://www.cjbanks.com/product/inde...=all&searchdef=leadsourceid&parentPage=family

and it's also the one my date looked at and said: No, this isn't at all the sort of thing someone would wear to a wedding where I'm from. 

I'm going to work with him to see if he can make suggestions for me (and that's hard, b/c he's a dude, and this isn't his forte, and I get that).

I want to find a happy medium. Which will probably end up being a happy 2x.


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## MissHoney (Jul 15, 2011)

http://www.monifc.com/plus-size-clothes/casual-dresses/marilyn-long-convertible-dress-20-yellow.html


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## olwen (Jul 15, 2011)

Also, the green dress doesn't require a defined waist because the A line will balance out your silhouette and it won't make your belly look huge. I think you're being too hard on yourself. And you didn't say you were going to a wedding in the tropics. That dress seems kinda dowdy for a wedding. That's more of a business casual work dress. Maybe he was thinking of something a bit more flowy and fun. 

Maybe you can ask your friend to go to macy's with you when you try something on.

eshakti.com or sonsi.com might have something more appropriate if you can't find anything at macy's.


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## Mishty (Jul 15, 2011)

Jes said:


> Also? I'm not comfortable with a maxi dress though i love them in general. I think that for me, very long (and kinda shapeless) is a mistake. I have very short legs, so anything to the ground cuts me off and makes me look like a cinched garbage bag dropped on the corner waiting for trash day.



I used to feel the same way about Maxi's because I have no legs, and a big belly, but if you get a patterned or "dipped" Maxi, with a low cut in the cleavage,and break the line with a cardigan, a wrap, or shrug, you'll look taller. I've even created a waist line with a large belt with a Maxi, which I've never been able to do with any other style of dressing, not even tunics. 

I wear a multi-colored Maxi, that has patchwork type pattern, and because I show a large amount of chest/breast(not to much, but enough to take the eye away from the bottom half) plus a slimming cardigan(fitted in places, or one that buttons two buttons on the bottom), I can almost fake a "figure", since I'm not busty, and I have no hips to speak of this is damn near impossible. 

The comfort of a Maxi, is beyond any other dress, you won't have to worry about keeping your knees together, and the extra(but very light weight) fabric doesn't tug in places, bunch up, or almost rip when you sit and expand. In my opinion most all dresses make me look pregnant or 65.... but I like wearing Maxi's. It just took some messing about to find out how... 

The dress you've bought looks really nice for the tropics though.... hope find a good medium!
Good luck!


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## Jes (Jul 15, 2011)

Mishty said:


> In my opinion most all dresses make me look pregnant or 65.... !



this made me laugh out loud. I thank you for that. Those women who like dresses don't understand my panic at the thought of them, so I appreciate other women sharing their anxieties about the same things I'm anxious about. For me, I'd say: like a linebacker or pregnant.

or maybe a pregnant linebacker, which would be hard to come by ... 

I think I just don't feel feminine. My bf says I'm ... plain. And he doesn't mean it in a bad way b/c I'd agree with him. I like basic, solid things. Think: LLBean or LandsEnd (which are, indeed, places I shop). I've been forcing myself into patterns over the last few years and liking it. People respond really well when I wear things from CJBanks, a shop which is, in my mind, masterful with prints (not all, mind you, but when they get it right, they get it RIGHT).

I don't feel manly, I just don't... the concept of 'frilly' is beyond me and I'm kind of OK with that. I wouldn't know how to carry myself in chiffon and I don't think I really want to, either. Tsk tsk.

Ladies, your ideas are helpful! Please keep 'em coming.

(ps: Olwen--I thought the green dress was more 'tube-y' than A line, no?)


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## Jes (Jul 15, 2011)

Mishty said:


> The dress you've bought looks really nice for the tropics though.... hope find a good medium!
> Good luck!



thanks!

Is there any chance you'd post a top-to-bottom shot of yourself in the outfit you describe here, or email it to me?


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## crayola box (Jul 15, 2011)

What about a sheath type dress like this shape: 

-Sheath

or this one

neither is perfect, but rather examples of something straighter through the waist

or a shift dress shape: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/j-kara-...-plus/3182438?origin=category&resultback=2401

This I've seen in stores a lot, the layers and stiffer fabrics are belly camouflage friendly...though maybe its more evening...

This ties high without being empire

Hard to suggest not knowing your style but my tip would be stay away from jersey knits, if you like being held in, and do stiffer, perhaps lined, fabrics.

Anyway check out the Nordstrom site, their selection is larger then Macy's at near the same prices for dresses.


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## olwen (Jul 15, 2011)

Jes, no, a tube dress is more like the sheath dress that crayola linked too. 

I just always wear skirts and dresses with an A line and preferably without sleeves since my arms are so big sleeves are just impossible. In winter I wear sweaters under them.

I know what you mean about not feeling feminine. I used to feel that way and it has taken me years to stop feeling that way. I now feel more feminine in a dress than in pants and I think I look better in skirts and dresses. I've had to learn how to wear a dress and what to do with my legs and such. My biggest problem is finding appropriate shoes in my size. The only ones that are truly comfortable are sneakers and you just can't wear sneakers with a dress. 

Anyway, if you are short, I don't think it would be too hard to make your legs look longer or your waist less pronounced. It's not so much about camouflage as it is about silhouette. That's how I think about it anyway. I know if I wear a bra that really lifts and separates it makes my waist look narrower, then I try to find something that will sit nicely on my boobs and has an a line and that balances out the shape. 

Oh, I think this website is still around myshape.com. You put in your measurements and it tells you your shape and then gives you hits for garments that would flatter your shape. I've tried it and it doesn't seem to believe my measurements are real plus with my size, it just never gives me any suggestions so I stopped using it, but it might be helpful for you.


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## TheMrs (Jul 15, 2011)

I have 3 maxi dresses and I love them. Only one is really full length, the other two are right above the ankle. They are comfortable, attractive and I get compliments every time I wear them. 
I don't like anything fitted to my belly area either...I don't have a defined waist much either. 
Look at onestopplus.com or even look on eBay. 
I wish you luck


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## Carrie (Jul 15, 2011)

Jes, I actually think the dress you ordered looks rather promising, assuming it's a day wedding (vs. a night/elegant wedding). I think the shape will flatter you, and while it does look kind of officey in the (kinda unfortunate) photo, I think that's mostly due to the cardigan they're pairing it with. When you look at the up-close pics, you can appreciate the feminine but simple ruching in the bust and the flattering cut of the dress. And the print is pretty and fun, and quite appropriate for a tropical setting day wedding. I think you'd be much better off with a shrug or maybe a short sleeve crop cardigan, something minimal rather than the full-blown cardigan that comes with it. 

If it doesn't work for you, I agree that an A-line or maybe a lower-banded empire, NOT right underneath the bust, could definitely work. 

Re. not feeling comfy in dresses: I totally get it. If you don't normally wear them, they feel totally bizarre and uncomfortable, compared to the feeling of pants. I think with anything new, practice is not a bad idea. I would suggest whatever dress you decide to wear to the wedding, find an inexpensive one of similar shape and length and just wear it around the house so you can get used to the feel of it, the modifications you'll need to make in terms of sitting and such. At least that way you will feel much less like a fish out of water on the actual day, y'know? 

Oh, and I also suffer from pale-as-death legs, and find Jergens Natural Glow to be of great help in the summertime. 

Good luck!


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## Miss Vickie (Jul 15, 2011)

I think a little spanx might make you feel more supported -- I'd wear just something that went from under my bra to my crotch but you could do upper thighs as well.

So here are a couple things at Catherine's. I think you're going to just have to try on a zillion dresses (preferably after getting tipsy and having a good friend come along as a driver and support system) and be open minded.

http://catherines.lanebryant.com/dresses-skirts/casual-dresses/violets-are-blue-crinkle-print-dress/4559c4561p96631/index.pro?Mcatn=Casual+Dresses&Mcatpn=Dresses+%26+Skirts&Mcatg=category_root&Mcatp=cat_4559%405000&Mcat=4561%405000

This one is more tropical:

http://catherines.lanebryant.com/p108505/index.pro?relatedItem=true

You could easily wear either of these with a lovely light shawl.


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## activistfatgirl (Jul 15, 2011)

Wow, I really relate to this, Jes. I have a different body shape so it's not the specifics that hit me, but the overall feeling of not feeling comfortable or right or properly girly wearing a dress. I try them on and I just feel shapeless and icky.

I saw a bbw walking down the street tonight in a super simple brown knit dress and I thought she looked beautiful, effortless...but I also thought "well, she's got a better shape than me...look at that ass!" Now I'm thinking about how I too only truly feel sexy if I'm wearing something that holds me in tight (read: jeans). 

I wish we could have a big fatty fashionista party and the ladies that know how it works could clothe us!

I like the dress you picked out too, though I wonder if I block color top would accentuate your bust and create more of a hourglass? I think I learned that on some makeover show? Who knows, not I!


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## Mishty (Jul 15, 2011)

Jes said:


> thanks!
> 
> Is there any chance you'd post a top-to-bottom shot of yourself in the outfit you describe here, or email it to me?



I most certainly will try and post a few of my Maxi mix-n-matches! 



TheMrs said:


> I have 3 maxi dresses and I love them. Only one is really full length, the other two are right above the ankle. They are comfortable, attractive and I get compliments every time I wear them.
> I don't like anything fitted to my belly area either...I don't have a defined waist much either.
> Look at onestopplus.com or even look on eBay.
> I wish you luck



eBay is a great place! I've found up to 4x Maxis for under twenty dollars! Lots of prints and designs to choose from! 



Miss Vickie said:


> I think a little spanx might make you feel more supported -- I'd wear just something that went from under my bra to my crotch but you could do upper thighs as well.


Spanx might be a good investment if you like the held in, "tucked" feeling! I have a cheap knock off thing that goes just above my boobs, all the way to mid thigh, mostly it makes wearing dresses and dressy things a lot easier and makes them slide on and over you, won't let the fabric stick to you if you sweat(only downfall of going tropical) I've spent many a Easter sweating and pinching my dress off my sweaty back,belly and butt. ugh. Not only that but it keeps your back straight(er), and can give you a little more of a hipped figure once your tummy is flatter. 


> This one is more tropical:
> 
> http://catherines.lanebryant.com/p108505/index.pro?relatedItem=true
> 
> You could easily wear either of these with a lovely light shawl.




Love this dress!


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## CastingPearls (Jul 15, 2011)

MissHoney said:


> http://www.monifc.com/plus-size-clothes/casual-dresses/marilyn-long-convertible-dress-20-yellow.html


Holy crap! *I* want that dress!


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## Jes (Jul 15, 2011)

This is also something that caught my eye. It has a good shape for a big belly and i can find something for the shoulders that'll pick up any of the colors of the flowers (we all know trying to match a specific shade is a pain)
http://catherines.lanebryant.com/[email protected]&[email protected]&[email protected]

Now, did this catch my eye just b/c it's tropical looking? is the beading around the yoke old-lady-cruise-wear? I fear it is. I can't imagine being drawn to this dress except for the fact that I was told some women would be wearing muu muus at this shindig. But I don't want that to make me blind to what is actuailly a hideous outfit.


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## Jes (Jul 15, 2011)

If you've read this far, here's a visual:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/member.php?u=472

I'm probably 10 or so lbs heavier now, and in that shot, I was really sucking in my stomach, which gives you a sense of the junk in my hood. 

Did I just come up with that phrase?! It's totally accurate.

Also, the guy I'm standing next to is a small Malaysian man, so don't get the idea that I'm as tall as a man. 

Finally, I have NOT had an out-0f-wedlock child with that man no matter what the press says.


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## Miss Vickie (Jul 16, 2011)

I don't think there are any "rules" per se, and I don't think A lines are flattering necessarily, on anyone. A well fitting sheath would look great on you, me, most everyone except perhaps a pear if the shoulders were too big.

That being said, both links went to the same dress. I like the black and white, though. I think it's bold and pretty. And you're far too hard on yourself. You look lovely, and have far more shape than you think you do.


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## Jes (Jul 16, 2011)

Miss Vickie said:


> I don't think there are any "rules" per se, and I don't think A lines are flattering necessarily, on anyone. A well fitting sheath would look great on you, me, most everyone except perhaps a pear if the shoulders were too big.
> 
> That being said, both links went to the same dress..



Yeah, too much cutting and pasting. I replaced the links in the message above with the Molokai tropical number and here's the link for the dress you're referencing:

http://catherines.lanebryant.com/[email protected]&[email protected]&[email protected]


I swear, I have surfed so many dress sites that I'm going blind and my palms are growing hair!!


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## Miss Vickie (Jul 16, 2011)

Jes said:


> Yeah, too much cutting and pasting. I replaced the links in the message above with the Molokai tropical number and here's the link for the dress you're referencing:
> 
> http://catherines.lanebryant.com/[email protected]&[email protected]&[email protected]
> 
> ...



Oh yeah the Molokai dress. That's pretty too, and you could definitely pull it off. It's more of a striking look than what I wear (I'm more hippie funk, soft purples, blues, greens) but it would look great with your hair and coloring.

It's flexible enough that you could pair it with lots of different kinds of shoes (have you thought about shoes yet? Those are what give me hives!) without too much difficulty.

Dare I ask why you're going blind and growing hair? Hmmmm? You, erm, really get into your searches, eh?


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## Jes (Jul 19, 2011)

If i haven't thanked you for your input, I'm thanking you now.

I was talking with a friend last night and said that I've realized what one of my hang ups is.

Used to be that fat women were given shapeless things to wear, designers either not knowing how to design for them or responding to what they assumed (sometimes correctly) a fat woman would want to wear: something to hide her shape.

And in recent years, this has been reversed to a great extent. Now it's all about enhancing your curves, keeping lines closer to the body, structuring things to emphasize a waist or a hip.

And essentially, the way that's most often done is by using the traditional hourglass shape (nipped waist, flared hips) but scaled larger for a larger body.

And that's great. If you're an hourglass.

Since I'm not, the nipped waist (I don't have much of one) and the flared hip (again, not so much) just miss the mark horribly and end up really unflattering on some of us (in my opinion). I also think that belts are everywhere and have been everywhere in fashion for at least the last 5 years, and that has moved over to plus size clothing too. I think that's a good thing, don't get me wrong. I like the parity. But just as not every thin or average woman is an hourglass, not every fat woman is. Many are not. 

So to whomever (Olwen/Vickie) suggested waistless/A-line styles, thank you especially! That gave me an entire other direction to go for.

I'm gonna ask bf to look at the things I've posted and get his opinion. He might be of some help.

If you have more feedback, please share.


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## Ash (Jul 19, 2011)

I saw this just now, and it made me think of this thread:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/eci-beaded-trapeze-dress-plus/3179951?origin=category&resultback=1400


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## Surlysomething (Jul 19, 2011)

Jes said:


> If you've read this far, here's a visual:
> 
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/member.php?u=472
> 
> ...


 
Have you thought about wearing a skirt instead with a pretty blouse? They seem to work much better for me.


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## RedheadinNJ (Jul 19, 2011)

You're about the same size as me and I absolutely hate getting dressed up. The only thing I hate more is shopping for the clothes and shoes. 
I usually go with a skirt and a top since I have broad shoulders and no waist, so dresses don't fit properly. I have 2 standby outfits for this time of year. One is a floral patterned skirt, white tank top and a short sleeved sweater type cover up. The other is an low scoop neck orange top and a patterned skirt. I'd put some spray tanner on the legs(way too hot for pantyhose), get a pedi *shudders*, put on some pretty shoes and go. 
As for the "No, this isn't at all the sort of thing someone would wear to a wedding where I'm from." comment. Well...you're not from there.  Where what you like and you're comfortable in, I know I would.


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## Jes (Jul 19, 2011)

Surlysomething said:


> Have you thought about wearing a skirt instead with a pretty blouse? They seem to work much better for me.



I definitely don't feel skirts. I find that the 'waistband' issue (in that they all have one) makes them hang lower in the front for many fat women and since I notice, and dislike it, on others, I know I'd notice and dislike it on myself. 
But, again, I thank you for your feedback.


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## TexasTrouble (Jul 19, 2011)

I don't mean to keep harping on the maxi dress thing if you're not feeling them, but I'm close to your shape and know all about the quest to avoid looking like a pregnant lady. Last year I went to two weddings and I wore a faux wrap dress to the first one and a maxi to the other. I really thought the maxi looked better because it was longer and hid my pale, large calves. I like the kind with thick straps to minimize wide shoulders. I wore mine with a short shrug and a big, chunky textured necklace. The necklace and the deep V of the top helped draw attention away from the belly and since the wedding was in 100 degree heat, it was a nice cool option.


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## olwen (Jul 19, 2011)

TexasTrouble said:


> I don't mean to keep harping on the maxi dress thing if you're not feeling them, but I'm close to your shape and know all about the quest to avoid looking like a pregnant lady. Last year I went to two weddings and I wore a faux wrap dress to the first one and a maxi to the other. I really thought the maxi looked better because it was longer and hid my pale, large calves. I like the kind with thick straps to minimize wide shoulders. I wore mine with a short shrug and a big, chunky textured necklace. The necklace and the deep V of the top helped draw attention away from the belly and since the wedding was in 100 degree heat, it was a nice cool option.



I totally agree with this and was going to post the exact same thing. I was thinking about this as I was standing outside the building where I work and watching people walk by. A lot of women of various heights and sizes were wearing maxi dresses and they all looked good. Jes, I think if you can find a white maxi dress in a summery fabric and pair it with a tropical looking shawl, an updo, long dangly earrings, a few simple bangles (wood or a metal, not plastic), a chunky necklace, and a pair of sandals you would look elegant and "tropical." Since sporty is your style, a simple dress would come closest to that, thus allowing you to be comfortable (not having to worry about what to do with your legs and what they look like, or worry about your shape), and yet still fitting the theme of the wedding.


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## Jes (Jul 19, 2011)

TexasTrouble said:


> I don't mean to keep harping on the maxi dress thing if you're not feeling them, but I'm close to your shape and know all about the quest to avoid looking like a pregnant lady. Last year I went to two weddings and I wore a faux wrap dress to the first one and a maxi to the other. I really thought the maxi looked better because it was longer and hid my pale, large calves. I like the kind with thick straps to minimize wide shoulders. I wore mine with a short shrug and a big, chunky textured necklace. The necklace and the deep V of the top helped draw attention away from the belly and since the wedding was in 100 degree heat, it was a nice cool option.



I am definitely into big jewelry (esp. b/c I make it myself and I just love chunky pieces--I think they work well for a large woman's scale and also, I can make things as long as I need which isn't always easy to find in stores). Anyway, I about peed myself when I saw this AWESOME necklace on Monif C's site. Too rich for my blood, especially since I can make something like it for cheap, but still, I was thrilled to see it. The necklace screamed LOOK AT ME in this cool way, and we don't always see that with fat clothes.

I'd love to see photos (full length) of women my size in maxi dresses. I realize you might not want to share them but if you do, you can email them to me...


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## Jes (Jul 19, 2011)

olwen said:


> I totally agree with this and was going to post the exact same thing. I was thinking about this as I was standing outside the building where I work and watching people walk by. A lot of women of various heights and sizes were wearing maxi dresses and they all looked good. Jes, I think if you can find a white maxi dress in a summery fabric and pair it with a tropical looking shawl, an updo, long dangly earrings, a few simple bangles (wood or a metal, not plastic), a chunky necklace, and a pair of sandals you would look elegant and "tropical." Since sporty is your style, a simple dress would come closest to that, thus allowing you to be comfortable (not having to worry about what to do with your legs and what they look like, or worry about your shape), and yet still fitting the theme of the wedding.



I am intrigued... I can't do white--I'm so pale that it really does wash me out something fierce, but there are other options. Also, my giant wrists can't do bracelets. But everything else could be a definite direction. I'll keep it in mind.

My CJBanks dress should be here in a day or 2. I picture myself putting it on and going down to the lobby of my old, stately apt. building. The mirror there is great, whereas the light hits the one in my bedroom funny and I can never quite tell...


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## Surlysomething (Jul 19, 2011)

Jes said:


> I definitely don't feel skirts. I find that the 'waistband' issue (in that they all have one) makes them hang lower in the front for many fat women and since I notice, and dislike it, on others, I know I'd notice and dislike it on myself.
> But, again, I thank you for your feedback.


 

I think i've lucked out because I found a couple skirts that had a built in tummy control panel or with a light pair of shorts that made them much more bearable. They're very cute and very comfortable. 

Dresses make me look like I have no shape at all. 

Good luck!


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## Brenda (Jul 20, 2011)

A real girdle could change your silhouette enough that you will feel more comfortable wearing a dress. Spanx are for smoothing not shape shifting.

I think you are selecting dresses that are a bit too much on the safe side and could end up looking matronly. If I were you I would go to Nordstrom's and try every dress on in the plus section. Buy the best 4 bring them to the wedding and have your boyfriend decide which looks best on you, return the unused ones when you get back home. Also if you can wear heels buy and wear a strappy high heeled sandal to create the illusion of longer legs.


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## Jes (Jul 20, 2011)

I definitely don't want matronly... I don't have so many choices for in-person shopping (living carless in a city--if you know what I mean ladies, holla), but I think I'll have to spend quality time at Macy's. I hope they haven't moved over to trenchcoats and wool pants yet already. Unfortunately, while options are a good approach, I don't think I can fit all of that into a small suitcase. 
I will have to take everyone's good advice and just get down there in the trenches.


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## CastingPearls (Jul 20, 2011)

Brenda said:


> A real girdle could change your silhouette enough that you will feel more comfortable wearing a dress. Spanx are for smoothing not shape shifting.
> 
> I think you are selecting dresses that are a bit too much on the safe side and could end up looking matronly. If I were you I would go to Nordstrom's and try every dress on in the plus section. Buy the best 4 bring them to the wedding and have your boyfriend decide which looks best on you, return the unused ones when you get back home. Also if you can wear heels buy and wear a strappy high heeled sandal to create the illusion of longer legs.


If you go with a girdle, Rago is a brand I highly recommend.


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## Tania (Jul 20, 2011)

I agree that girdles are better than Spanx for shaping (Rago 1294 is a longline, open-bottomed alternative to the Spanx hi-rise shorts), but they still don't shift much. Worse, they don't really change your measurements, they just squish the fat around a little bit. In a lot of cases they actually ADD waist inches, because of all of the thick boning and zippers. 

Real corsetry is better, but it too has its limits; what you reduce at the waist travels either north or south, adding to underbust bulge, sideboob, back cleavage, and/or hips. 

At the end of the day, a little smoothing is all anybody really needs. Too much pressure and you trade a harmonious surface line for a new but lumpier shape. That's the one really great thing about Spanx; its relative seamlessness. Girdles and corsets can't measure up in that department. In fact, under many dresses I have to wear my waist cincher AND Spanx to avoid ridiculous hip bulge. :/


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## Brenda (Jul 21, 2011)

A girdle makes a huge difference for me but maybe my fat is more flabby than yours.


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## CastingPearls (Jul 21, 2011)

Spanx isn't made in my size so it's not an option for me.


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## Jes (Jul 21, 2011)

I would say that my fat isn't particularly wobbly. The belly, yes to some extent, but the rest not at all. I don't have any cellulite and you could bounce a quarter off my ass (maybe not literally...but only MAYBE not.  )
I'm that short, squat, strong build with nothing dainty or tapered about me (no finely turned ankles, no cheekbones, no tapered fingers--my fingers are regularly called sausage fingers, for example). In thinking about it, I'm almost like one of those 14 year old Olympic female gymnasts who ... got fat allover, with extra in the belly.


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## bonified (Jul 21, 2011)

http://www.torrid.com/torrid/Clothi...--Peacock-Feather-Bubble-Hem-Dress-556657.jsp

This one will accentuate the boobs, wear a lil light bolero jacket, hot shoes & clutch, with your blonde hair & colouring, will be a fresh funky summery one. get some summer glow tan lotion for your legs and chest. Halters & plungey v necks are always more flattering & draw the eye from the tummy area & elongate the body.


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## Tania (Jul 21, 2011)

Don't get me wrong, I own girdles and feel they have their uses!  I just want anyone who's never experienced them before to understand the tradeoffs that are often involved. I've seen folks get super disappointed when a girdle or waist-cincher or spanx didn't work as hoped/expected or caused new fit issues they hadn't bargained for. Every piece is a specific-purpose tool, and none of them are really intended to create drastic change.

Jes, you sound like you don't really need the control - and hey, it'll be hot. Avoid the shapewear if you can.


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## Jes (Jul 21, 2011)

Tania said:


> Jes, you sound like you don't really need the control - and hey, it'll be hot. Avoid the shapewear if you can.



no no no--i need my belly reigned in, for sure. FOR SURE.

also? chub rub between the thights. LillyBBBW taught me a trick with cutting off pantyhose and turning them inside out and it worked a treat (as they say in britain) but i'm wondering, if I go the spanx route, if there's like a ... er... top to bottom thing?


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## Miss Vickie (Jul 21, 2011)

Here's one example of spanx and how I imagine them working. This one attaches to your bra, so you have a seamless line from belly to thighs. There are other ones that you just pull up past your waist but I've never had them stay up, and they you get the whole rolling-over-chub-over-the-top issue which is uncomfortable. If this works as promised, it seems like it'd do the trick. It's pretty spendy, though.







You can also check out waist cinchers which have a minimum of boning (some of them) and hold everything together nicely. I had great luck with them, but I used mine post-abdominoplasty to maintain my hourglass figure so it might not be what you need. But still google "waist cincher" and see if it rings your bell.


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## Tania (Jul 21, 2011)

Jes said:


> no no no--i need my belly reigned in, for sure. FOR SURE.
> 
> also? chub rub between the thights. LillyBBBW taught me a trick with cutting off pantyhose and turning them inside out and it worked a treat (as they say in britain) but i'm wondering, if I go the spanx route, if there's like a ... er... top to bottom thing?



Then by all means, use the spanx hi-rise pants, like Vickie posted! Two birds with one spanx!


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## Jes (Jul 21, 2011)

Tania said:


> Then by all means, use the spanx hi-rise pants, like Vickie posted! Two birds with one spanx!



Yes, very appealing. Unless one goes w/ a strapless bra and hooks the spanx to it. 

hahaha. wardrobe malfunction, seriously. 

Thanks for the links, all. 

You know, the more I think about it, it's not just a big belly it's ... maybe a hernia? I have a double belly and the upper portion comes to a bit of a point. I am so motherfucking sick of looking down and seeing it, or looking over (at a mirror) and seeing it. A friend tells me I'm too hard on myself. Maybe we are. But it's not like I think I'm a Bad Person or Hideous b/c of it, I just don't like it is all. I feel it detracts from a shirt or a skirt or a dress. I'm very into the way things lay, or the 'line' of something on the body. I notice it in others and so I notice it in myself. And I think that's what's underneath (no pun intended) some of this discomfort.


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## bonified (Jul 21, 2011)

ive had the experience with the suck in garments preventing you from eating normally, sitting can be uncomfy depending on the level of suction so wear comfy shoes, and if you drink it will make you wee more frequently than normal & can cause hassle panic peeling them off to do yr biz lol
looking good with discomfort all over your face defeats the purpose.


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## Brenda (Jul 22, 2011)

""You know, the more I think about it, it's not just a big belly it's ... maybe a hernia? I have a double belly and the upper portion comes to a bit of a point. I am so motherfucking sick of looking down and seeing it, or looking over (at a mirror) and seeing it. A friend tells me I'm too hard on myself. Maybe we are. But it's not like I think I'm a Bad Person or Hideous b/c of it, I just don't like it is all. I feel it detracts from a shirt or a skirt or a dress. I'm very into the way things lay, or the 'line' of something on the body. I notice it in others and so I notice it in myself. And I think that's what's underneath (no pun intended) some of this discomfort."

I totally get where you are coming from. While I totally love beautiful clothing, I totally hate the way most of it looks on me. The clothes that I totally love and think do work for me fairly well I have gotten too fat to wear so shopping is beyond depressing. Add to that my hideously large feet and I can't even shop in a normal shoe store. I don't hate myself it is just depressing as hell to be in a body that does not match your aesthetic.


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## HottiMegan (Jul 22, 2011)

I think the reason i mostly wear tee shirts (and whatever bottom item is weather appropriate) is because of how my belly is. I love, love, love dresses but most of them lay weird on me thanks to my protuberant belly. I do wear a lot of empire waisted stuff but don't worry about being mistaken for pregnant since i'm fat all over. I typically don't war prints and wear dark clothes most of the time. 

I've had some luck with cute dresses at Eshakti. They customize which is totally awesome for my weird measurements.


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## Jes (Jul 22, 2011)

bonified said:


> ive had the experience with the suck in garments preventing you from eating normally, sitting can be uncomfy depending on the level of suction so wear comfy shoes, and if you drink it will make you wee more frequently than normal & can cause hassle panic peeling them off to do yr biz lol
> looking good with discomfort all over your face defeats the purpose.



Yeah, that's something for me to think about. The suckage not so much; as I said, I'm good with it. But the heat... I'm terrible with the heat. I need to find out if this is an indoor or outdoor event, but maybe no one knows, yet. Then again, it could always be an outdoor event, but I'll just tell everyone to check me out at the indoor bar now and then.


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## Tina (Jul 22, 2011)

MissHoney said:


> http://www.monifc.com/plus-size-clothes/casual-dresses/marilyn-long-convertible-dress-20-yellow.html



Wow!! That in cobalt blue, please!

Jes, do you have any idea of what your bf is saying you *should* be wearing?

I like what you picked out and think it would look good on you. I know you'll either already have, or make, jewelry that will totally rock with it. I can imagine your 'Coins' sets going well, too, in those colors.


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## Jes (Jul 22, 2011)

Tina said:


> Wow!! That in cobalt blue, please!
> 
> Jes, do you have any idea of what your bf is saying you *should* be wearing?
> 
> I like what you picked out and think it would look good on you. I know you'll either already have, or make, jewelry that will totally rock with it. I can imagine your 'Coins' sets going well, too, in those colors.



thank you. that's a very kind thing to say. 

i'm not yet sure what he suggests. we haven't had a real chance to talk about it but he said he'd poke around online and try to get a better sense of what to suggest. I will admit fully that I'm verrrrry early on this one (which makes him nuts), but I have to face this sooner rather thna later and as we all know, in a month, the stores will have nothing but parkas.

I'm going to try on the dress this weekend. It's so miserably hot that I think I'll hate everything, but at least I can see if it fits. I really think the idea of an A-line sheath w/o a waist is something I need to investigate. But we'll see!

About jewelry, if it's hot I probably won't want to wear anything. I saw a colleague at a work function today who I don't normally see, and when she saw me, she said: If it weren't so hot out, I'd be wearing one of your necklaces that goes great with my outfit. 

And I know what she meant. When it's bad out, every single thing that touches my skin that I don't actually need has.got.to.go!

my bf bought me a sweet Tiffany heart necklace for Valentine's day, so that's a good hot-weather option.


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## olwen (Jul 23, 2011)

Jes said:


> thank you. that's a very kind thing to say.
> 
> i'm not yet sure what he suggests. we haven't had a real chance to talk about it but he said he'd poke around online and try to get a better sense of what to suggest. I will admit fully that I'm verrrrry early on this one (which makes him nuts), but I have to face this sooner rather thna later and as we all know, in a month, the stores will have nothing but parkas.
> 
> ...



Wait, I don't think a sheath dress can have an A line, but an A line dress can have a cinched waist or not.


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## violetviolets (Jul 30, 2011)

Jes said:


> All right ladies* I have a personal conundrum on which I'm hoping someone can shed some light. If you don't want to read about a fat woman having body/clothing issues, please skip.
> 
> I haven't worn a dress in 15 years. Ok, not true, I've worn ONE dress (bridesmaid--traumatic) in 15 years.
> 
> ...



I`m sorry you are having a hard time with this. I think the best bet for you in my opinion is dress that has a fitted bodice (chest and where the smallest part of the waist should be, around your ribs) and then flares out. It`s very 50s inspired and I believe it accentuates curves or can create them. 

here is a random example: 





I think If you choose something that goes past the knee it might also help the issue of not being used to dresses because it covers and looks very cute with heels or flats, again very 50s.


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