# FAs and race



## LordQuas (Dec 2, 2010)

So I was having a discussion today with a good female friend of mine (5'9 275ish) and subject of interracial dating came up. She noted how people always assume we are dating because she is a big white woman and I am a skinny black man. So I was wondering...

White women, do you encounter a lot of people assuming that you prefer black men?

Black guys, do you find a lot of people assuming you like big white women?

White men, do you encounter a lot of surprise when people discover your taste in women on account of the color of your skin?

Black women....well I'll be honest, I dont know what to ask you on this subject LOL

All jokes aside, I'm not trying to start a firestorm of any kind. I am just interested in how Dimensions feels about this particular subject.


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## Lalazuu (Dec 2, 2010)

LordQuas said:


> So I was having a discussion today with a good female friend of mine (5'9 275ish) and subject of interracial dating came up. She noted how people always assume we are dating because she is a big white woman and I am a skinny black man. So I was wondering...
> 
> White women, do you encounter a lot of people assuming that you prefer black men?
> 
> ...



I am all for interracial dating. As Kevin Wu A.K.A KevJumba said in his "Girls are like m&m's" YouTube video 'The way to get rid of racism is to have more interracial babies.' Well something like that anyway.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 2, 2010)

As a "big white woman" I'm definitely aware of the stereotype.

However, no one has assumed about me that I prefer black guys. I've never been asked if I have that preference, anyway. I have been asked whether I am open to dating a certain race, by a guy who is that race (Black, Latino, Asian, Middle Eastern, etc.); but to my knowledge, no one ever assumed that I prefer Black guys just because I'm a fat white woman. I am open to dating all races and ethnicities.

One thing I do notice, there are a lot more Black and Latino FAs out in the real world (at least in my real world) than on Dimensions. Dimensions seems to have a much higher percentage of white male FAs and a lower percentage of Black and Latino FAs than what I'm used to. But there could be a lot of reasons for that.


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## LordQuas (Dec 2, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> As a "big white woman" I'm definitely aware of the stereotype.
> 
> However, no one has assumed about me that I prefer black guys. I've never been asked if I have that preference, anyway. I have been asked whether I am open to dating a certain race, by a guy who is that race (Black, Latino, Asian, Middle Eastern, etc.); but to my knowledge, no one ever assumed that I prefer Black guys just because I'm a fat white woman. I am open to dating all races and ethnicities.
> 
> One thing I do notice, there are a lot more Black and Latino FAs out in the real world (at least in my real world) than on Dimensions. Dimensions seems to have a much higher percentage of white male FAs and a lower percentage of Black and Latino FAs than what I'm used to. But there could be a lot of reasons for that.




I have definitely noticed that as well and I have several theories on why that is but I will not get into that publicly, at least on here.


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 2, 2010)

I guess I don't fit any stereotype  

I'm an interracial baby, lol 

But my mother definitely felt the stereotype. She did like the "tall dark and handsome" types but prefers them to be tanned. 

My father is latino and prefers big white women.
So I think he's more the stereotype.

As for me being the mix of these two... I prefer pasty/porcelain. The more transluscent the better  
I've never been hit by the stereotypes, though. Although some men who've approached me were clearly being told by others that they fit it.


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## bmann0413 (Dec 2, 2010)

As a black male FA, I guess I can throw my two cents into this, right? lol

Well, honestly, I'd date a woman of any race. It doesn't really matter to me. Sure, I find myself to attracted to White women a little more, but that's only because most of the Black women around me are not my type (I said most, not all). Most of the Black women I see are worried more about money, partying, and gangsta boys. I'm not saying that's any of the Black women here, it's just what I see when I'm out in the real world (If they got a good head on their shoulders, that's a different story.) Of course, all women has some personality quirk I don't kinda like. Hmm.

Besides, if I love this girl, why should I care what race she is? She's making me happy. Race has nothing to do with happiness.


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## Zoftig (Dec 2, 2010)

Hey boo ;x



So, as a fat while girl people don't assume that I *like* black men, they just assume that's all I can get because of the stereotype that only black men and ALL black men just love them a big ol' fat girl. 


Or skinny white dudes. People assume that all black men or tall/skinny white dudes just love me.


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## LordQuas (Dec 2, 2010)

Zoftig said:


> Hey boo ;x
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Well, I love you so what does that mean?


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## Jes (Dec 2, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> As a "big white woman" I'm definitely aware of the stereotype.
> 
> However, no one has assumed about me that I prefer black guys. I've never been asked if I have that preference, anyway. I have been asked whether I am open to dating a certain race, by a guy who is that race (Black, Latino, Asian, Middle Eastern, etc.); but to my knowledge, no one ever assumed that I prefer Black guys just because I'm a fat white woman. I am open to dating all races and ethnicities.
> 
> One thing I do notice, there are a lot more Black and Latino FAs out in the real world (at least in my real world) than on Dimensions. Dimensions seems to have a much higher percentage of white male FAs and a lower percentage of Black and Latino FAs than what I'm used to. But there could be a lot of reasons for that.


I was going to answer this, but I'll just let McB answer for me b/c that's exactly what I would've said myself!

I think a lot of FAs talk the talk on the internet. Those that are out walking the walk in life are, perhaps, too busy to be online much.


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## Jes (Dec 2, 2010)

LordQuas said:


> Well, I love you so what does that mean?



Well you know what they say about guys who only have 4 fingers....


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## Mathias (Dec 2, 2010)

I like who I like.


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## user 23567 (Dec 2, 2010)

I'm a black man in Atlanta and down here there are a lot of plus-sized white women that ONLY talk to black men because they say that the black men like their size and that they don't get any attention from white men.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 2, 2010)

I don't encounter a lot of people who assume I like black (or latino for that matter) guys.

I do think people assume many black, latino and middle eastern men do like me or are more obvious about it. I'm pretty oblivious to it in public so I don't usually notice unless it's pointed out.


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## Christov (Dec 2, 2010)

I'm Shaft, and I have sex with _everything_. 







Right on.


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## superodalisque (Dec 2, 2010)

grady said:


> I'm a black man in Atlanta and down here there are a lot of plus-sized white women that ONLY talk to black men because they say that the black men like their size and that they don't get any attention from white men.



i'm from atlanta too but i'm multi racial. people mainly see me as just black though. i get attention from all kinds of guys. so i don't think thats quite true. out of the last ten or so atlantans who've asked me out i'd say 6 of them were white males so i'm not so sure about that stereotype about white males not preferring big women myself. when i used to live in the burbs down here i had several neighbors who were white SSBBWs and they were all married to white males--go figure.


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## ladle (Dec 2, 2010)

I read the post title and thought, 'we white guys just aren't very good sprinters"


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## superodalisque (Dec 2, 2010)

ladle said:


> I read the post title and thought, 'we white guys just aren't very good sprinters"



you shouldn't have to be with an ssbbw, or so i thought


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## disconnectedsmile (Dec 2, 2010)

LordQuas said:


> White women, do you encounter a lot of people assuming that you prefer black men?
> 
> Black guys, do you find a lot of people assuming you like big white women?
> 
> ...


so...
where do hispanic, native american, indian, asian, and/or middle eastern people fit into your little survey?


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## The Orange Mage (Dec 2, 2010)

I'm the semi-stereotypical skinny white FA.

I like to think I'm race-blind, but I also know that the type of people I'm attracted to tend to show up less often in certain races.


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## superodalisque (Dec 2, 2010)

The Orange Mage said:


> I'm the semi-stereotypical skinny white FA.
> 
> I like to think I'm race-blind, but I also know that the type of people I'm attracted to tend to show up less often in certain races.



but i thought you were orange


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## kioewen (Dec 2, 2010)

LordQuas said:


> White men, do you encounter a lot of surprise when people discover your taste in women on account of the color of your skin?



Any surprise, I think, derives simply from the preference itself.


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## kioewen (Dec 2, 2010)

Jes said:


> I think a lot of FAs talk the talk on the internet. Those that are out walking the walk in life are, perhaps, too busy to be online much.



That's a really sensible observation, and undoubtedly true.

I see countless relationships and marriages between thin white men and full-figured white girls, but I doubt that many of them come online and talk about it. Why should they? They have what they want, so it's not an issue.

I think that people are inclined to discuss dating at a meta level, like this, when the dating itself isn't consuming all of their free time.


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## Jon Blaze (Dec 2, 2010)

LordQuas said:


> Black guys, do you find a lot of people assuming you like big white women?
> 
> All jokes aside, I'm not trying to start a firestorm of any kind. I am just interested in how Dimensions feels about this particular subject.



Yes. Same for being Puerto Rican too.

I have no preferences when it comes to ethnicity though.


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## BBW Goddess Anna (Dec 2, 2010)

I've lived around the Atlanta area all my life and I have also been big most of my life too. I don't go for a particular race, but it seems the black men tend to be more confident and out spoken perhaps when it comes to approaching me. I have dated both black & white men and I personally haven't experienced people assuming I prefer one race over the other. But then, I also haven't dated FA's in particular, just men who want me.


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## Fat Brian (Dec 2, 2010)

As a white BHM the fairly few times I've been hit on the majority was by black women, my white BBW wife is hit on far more often by black or latino men. White men will stare but rarely will try to interact even if I'm not around.


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## Cynthia (Dec 3, 2010)

My husband and I just ordered what looks like a really interesting book called _Interracial Intimacies: Sex, Marriage, Identity, and Adoption_ by Randall Kennedy. Has anyone here read it? 

It would be intriguing to get a sociological perspective on race and relationships, not just in the general population, but in size-acceptance circles specifically. When I was single and went to occasional SA parties, I always found the racial dynamics pretty amusing, and I suspect that there were a variety of motivating factors at play, depending on the particular men and women involved. I'm surprised that this thread isn't getting more posts, but maybe it's because there are way too many landmines.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 3, 2010)

Most people prefer to marry within their group. Most of the women I see online are looking for a same-race partner as opposed to a partner of a different race. But there is a lot of mixing offline. This normal and represents the direction of the country.


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## bigmac (Dec 4, 2010)

Cynthia said:


> My husband and I just ordered what looks like a really interesting book called _Interracial Intimacies: Sex, Marriage, Identity, and Adoption_ by Randall Kennedy. Has anyone here read it?
> 
> It would be intriguing to get a sociological perspective on race and relationships, not just in the general population, but in size-acceptance circles specifically. When I was single and went to occasional SA parties, I always found the racial dynamics pretty amusing, and I suspect that there were a variety of motivating factors at play, depending on the particular men and women involved. I'm surprised that this thread isn't getting more posts, but maybe it's because there are way too many landmines.



Landmines indeed. But since I've already pissed off a lot of people on this board here goes. I've noticed some interesting racial dynamics at BBW events too (notice I said BBW not SA). Some of the things I've noticed:

-- In large metropolitan areas BBW events tend to be segregated. For example in the NYC area (at least when I lived there 10 years ago) there were events that were mostly white, events that were mostly black guys and white BBW, and events that were almost entirely black.

-- For some reason many (not all of course) promoters of BBW events go out of their way to attract the type of guys who may aggressively hit on the BBW attendees but who are otherwise bad news.

-- I know several educated successful black guys who won't go to BBW events anymore because all the BBWs are on the prowl for gangsta types.

-- Black guys were always hitting on my peaches n cream complected first wife. Middle-eastern guys are always hitting on my olive complected second wife.


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## superodalisque (Dec 4, 2010)

BBW Goddess Anna said:


> I've lived around the Atlanta area all my life and I have also been big most of my life too. I don't go for a particular race, but it seems the black men tend to be more confident and out spoken perhaps when it comes to approaching me. I have dated both black & white men and I personally haven't experienced people assuming I prefer one race over the other. But then, I also haven't dated FA's in particular, just men who want me.



i agree with this. with most black men it seems to be a non issue so it makes it easier on the woman who dates them. for white males either friends or family seem to give them a hard time about it as though its so strange and they often don't react well to that. black people hardly really bat an eyelash. i find white males to be way much more likely to be insecure about dating fat women. 

that being said, that means that black men will get more play simply because they are out about asking and open. they don't tend to make women feel that their size is such a burden. they tend to behave more normally. they take teasing better. they are stronger in th face of prejudice. and the large majority don't come at you fetish first when it comes to conversation. from what i've heard that all tends to go a long way with a lot of women just out doing their thing. i don't think fat is a big taboo and i definitely don't want my man to.

i've met very few black men in the closet. but there seems to be a lot of white men in the closet-- even the ones who say they aren't have a lot of closeted overly sensitive size specific behaviors that aren't very attractive. but like Jes said, i particularly find that white males who want to date fat women out of the closet are NOT generally on the net very much. they ARE too busy living. thats also why you don't find a lot of black men who are serious on the net really hunting down a date either. men who really want a relationship, no matter their color, want to see you and be with you. they want you local and handy. just looking at pix or a cam isn't enough for them. they'd rather try and talk to you when they meet you on the street living life--another reason why fat women shouldn't stay in the house waiting for life to come to them. over the years i've come to know that the statement that "there just aren't any where i am" is mostly a big cop out. just being on dimensions alone shows you that there are beautiful attractive and intelligent fat women everywhere. i wouldn't trust someone who says there are no fat women where he is. i wouldn't trust anyone who doesn't have relationships with actual fat women. usually there is something going on under the surface when someone says or does that. after all YOU are where someone is.


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## Jello404 (Dec 4, 2010)

Ok this thread is getting interesting.Uhm.Being that Im a black woman that dates all races I get the most flack for dating white men.I think its hard for people to understand a WM/BW relationship as it is and then you throw in the fact that not only is he dating a BW but a SSBBW BW...it turns heads to say the least lol And dating Asian men can be just as tricky. No one bats an eyelash if I date black men or latino men and everyone assumes that black and latino men are the only men on earth that like BBW/SSBBW women. I hear that stereotype all the time,especially from fatphobic white men. Race plays a huge part in everything and I wish it wasnt a problem in our community but it is.Most of my black male friends prefer white women and there are plenty of BBW SSBBW that they can choose from.Everyone assumes that black men only desire fat white women and although no one says it directly to the white chicks face (unless its an argument)but...everyone assumes that the only man she can get is a black man. Whats interesting is that all my white male friends prefer latinas and black women,most are married to black,Asian,and Latinas.So I think non-black men are more open to dating non-white women now than ever before which is nice I guess. But in all honesty-everyone is making a big hoopla about IR dating as of late but I dont think anyone cares to be honest..I think everyone,except for black men and white men with yellow fever, tend to go for their own race at the end of the day and this IR hype is hitting America hard because this is the first time its ever been acceptable.In the UK its old news.


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## superodalisque (Dec 4, 2010)

Jello404 said:


> Whats interesting is that all my white male friends prefer latinas and black women,most are married to black,Asian,and Latinas.So I think non-black men are more open to dating non-white women now than ever before which is nice I guess. But in all honesty-everyone is making a big hoopla about IR dating as of late but I dont think anyone cares to be honest...



i think you're really right about that. interracial dating isn't that rare anymore anyway. i don't think anyone cares that much anymore either. people are just able to act on feelings they always had more freely and they are doing that. i think the weight thing has more to do with anything than race does anyway. i see a lot of interracial dating and marriage among white men and black and latina SSBBWs too. i wonder why that is exactly besides people just being attracted. some good friends of mine who are in an interracial marriage where talking about that with a group of us just the other night. he is white and she is black . what was interesting was that he enjoyed being with black and latina women because he felt they weren't as self conscious about their weight and seemed to enjoy their bodies more. i don't know it thats really true or not but that was his take on things. he had also once been basically in the closet and he said he felt he would still be there if it weren't for the black and latina women he dated because they pushed him more because they seemed to be immediately turned off by a guy who was insecure about a woman's weight. so basically, he had to get over any shyness or reticence he felt if he met a black or latina woman that he really liked and wanted to date.


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## Fat Brian (Dec 4, 2010)

Its been discussed before how the black and latino cultures have been slower to adopt the "Evul Deth Fatz !" message that white people have swallowed wholeheartedly. I personally know far more confident black and latino women than white women.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 4, 2010)

After reading a few of the replies in this thread, I thought I'd mention that a handful of different Black guys I have been out with (or just gotten to know online or over the phone) have said that they don't (and won't) date Black women (I'm sure plenty of Black guys also won't date white women, but they are not the guys who talk to me ). I usually make a point of finding this out sometime early on. And yeah yeah people are allowed their preferences and all, but if a Black guy is opposed to dating Black women, this is a dealbreaker for me and I won't date him. I'm not even completely sure why this is. I have little inklings of why, but I'm pretty adamant about it nonetheless.


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## ashmamma84 (Dec 4, 2010)

I think some black women tend to get a bad rep that's perpetuated by the media, but also by our own people too. The most negative things I've heard about black women have been said out of the mouths of black men. We're castrating, we don't know how to let a man be a man (read - we generally have a low tolerance for bs, especially when it comes to something as arbitrary as weight), we have bad attitudes, etc. It's always sad to here because it makes me wonder how their first experiences with black women - their Mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers - effected their view. 

I think preferences are fine. Hey, we all like what we like. But I think sometimes it's other things that are at play. One guy I talk to likes to joke and say white women are a sort of status symbol. That after a guy has achieved a certain level of success or he's in an upper echelon of his career, etc. he feels like being with a white woman is an extension of that success. And for those who don't date white women, they date black women with lighter skin, straight hair, etc. 

Speaking as a young, black, urban professional weight isn't a huge thing like it is with white counterparts, but there definitely isn't a feeling that it's okay to be 400 lbs among my peers. Sure, there are a lot of young black women who are comfortable with being curvier but that doesn't mean they are okay with being SS. 

I think a lot of that has to do with adopting what is seen as a Eurocentric mindset of sorts. When you're young, black and just entering the workforce you have your skin color sometimes working against you, no matter how talented and bright you are. So for some being super fat is just seen as another set back Buppies don't want to grapple with. It's not right but I think some would consider it just playing smart in a game not really designed for them to win.

ETA - I think it leaves some black women who are interested in dating black men very frustrated, maybe angry even. What with droves of black women highly educated with advanced degrees and the black men who are educated, successful, etc gay or taken it can be a double slap in the face if he's dating a white woman. To them, its slim pickings because black men account for over 50% of the prison population but as a whole we are only 12-13% of the population, so the effects seem very exaggerated and as if there are literally no good black men left.


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## kioewen (Dec 4, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> Its been discussed before how the black and latino cultures have been slower to adopt the "Evul Deth Fatz !" message that white people have swallowed wholeheartedly. I personally know far more confident black and latino women than white women.



This is undoubtedly true, but it would be interesting to know why that is the case. Are white women more avid consumers of the media, and therefore prone to be influenced by it? I wonder what percentage of purchases of _Vogue_ and such are white, compared to other races? I suspect it could be the vast majority.


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## Zoftig (Dec 4, 2010)

LordQuas said:


> Well, I love you so what does that mean?



I'd like to think that our bond goes beyond the black dude/fat while girl thing. :kiss2:


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## Fat Brian (Dec 4, 2010)

You bring up an interesting point about status symbols. I don't have one social climbing bone in my body and what other peoples response to my choice will be is not even a consideration in my decision making process. I like what I like and pursue those things and everyone else can get bent if they don't like it. I have never understood people who let others make such intimate choices for them as what kind of person they can be with.


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## Fat Brian (Dec 4, 2010)

kioewen said:


> This is undoubtedly true, but it would be interesting to know why that is the case. Are white women more avid consumers of the media, and therefore prone to be influenced by it? I wonder what percentage of purchases of _Vogue_ and such are white, compared to other races? I suspect it could be the vast majority.



There are many theories on why this is, one of the most common is that advertising for so long focused on whites, other minority groups didn't identify with the ads so they didn't take the message to heart. Notice lately that advertisers have begun to use more people of color in their ads, trying to branch out their message.


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## lovelocs (Dec 4, 2010)

I'm a Black BBW who has dated men of different ethnicities. But not only am I Black and fat, I'm also tall, and fairly outspoken (though I am good humored and polite). 
I think a lot of men, of all ethnic groups, are a little put off by my combination, and would prefer someone a little "smaller," both physically and socially. 

The types of men who have been confident enough to approach me tend to be of two types: 
rather feminine and physically smaller (I get to be the guy ), or much larger and more masculine 
(semi-pro football player, ex-cop, construction worker, firefighter, diesel mechanic, SSBHM warehouse worker). 
I guess, along a continuum, these guys still find me physically feminine, and they like the fact that I can appreciate some of their more testosterone fueled interests. 
I also guess that "Steve in HR" (of whatever race) is never going approach me, even though he may admit he's curious as hell when he's drunk enough ...


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## superodalisque (Dec 4, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> After reading a few of the replies in this thread, I thought I'd mention that a handful of different Black guys I have been out with (or just gotten to know online or over the phone) have said that they don't (and won't) date Black women (I'm sure plenty of Black guys also won't date white women, but they are not the guys who talk to me ). I usually make a point of finding this out sometime early on. And yeah yeah people are allowed their preferences and all, but if a Black guy is opposed to dating Black women, this is a dealbreaker for me and I won't date him. I'm not even completely sure why this is. I have little inklings of why, but I'm pretty adamant about it nonetheless.



i'm exactly the same way about white guys who won't date white women. i'm not sure why this is for me either. but i get the feeling that the guy isn't interested in a person but a type. i really stray away from people who are looking to fill some kind if sexual niche. it think it would make me feel used or diminished somehow if someone only went out with me because he had a thing for black women. in the case of black men there also might be a sense of a little self hatred in that somewhere in certain guys that would make them seem unattractive? 

if a guy who was white told me he would not date a white woman i'd think he might have a fetishistic view of black women. but i wouldn't generally feel he had any racial self hatred to deal with since he has never had to deal with some of the hateful images and prejudices black men have had to that can influence them.

in a way black men share what some BBWs go through on a more intimate level--especially older ones. they remember when all black people were considered to be ugly and lazy and bad for society. that feeling of real understanding of what its like to always be looked at as something not positive. so some of them might go after fat white women for the sense of understanding they might have together that maybe a thin white woman wouldn't really have. so maybe a fat white woman is a soft place for him in more ways than one. 

black women do tend to put on a tough facade sometimes because they've had to. some black men do not find that attractive. but there are a lot of very soft hearted black women out there who have a hard shell who'll crack it very willingly if she can feel safe with a man who has some strength that she can trust.


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## superodalisque (Dec 4, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> You bring up an interesting point about status symbols. I don't have one social climbing bone in my body and what other peoples response to my choice will be is not even a consideration in my decision making process. I like what I like and pursue those things and everyone else can get bent if they don't like it. I have never understood people who let others make such intimate choices for them as what kind of person they can be with.



on the subject of status symbols it now goes the other way as well. for guys who are white there are a few who date black women for pc status to show how wonderfully liberal nice modern and edgy they are. its the human equivalent to those guys who do the eco tourism thing. its not because they really care but they just want to try and show off how wonderfully open they think they are.


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## Heyyou (Dec 4, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> on the subject of status symbols it now goes the other way as well. for guys who are white there are a few who date black women for pc status to show how wonderfully liberal nice modern and edgy they are. its the human equivalent to those guys who do the eco tourism thing. its not because they really care but they just want to try and show off how wonderfully open they think they are.



More people are two-faced than you think.

As to the experiences with FAs, I think it just comes down to some "down south hospitality" and that is an underlying thing.

I never thought size and race would be associated. They shouldnt be.

How many paragraphs will this generate?


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## Fat Brian (Dec 4, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> on the subject of status symbols it now goes the other way as well. for guys who are white there are a few who date black women for pc status to show how wonderfully liberal nice modern and edgy they are. its the human equivalent to those guys who do the eco tourism thing. its not because they really care but they just want to try and show off how wonderfully open they think they are.



I just don't have time for that level of fakery. I can't imagine how empty it must be in some peoples lives that they have to use every aspect of themselves to appeal for outside approval.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 4, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> I just don't have time for that level of fakery. I can't imagine how empty it must be in some peoples lives that they have to use every aspect of themselves to appeal for outside approval.



And simply that they see their mate as an "aspect of themselves"...


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## Heyyou (Dec 4, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> I just don't have time for that level of fakery. I can't imagine how empty it must be in some peoples lives that they have to use every aspect of themselves to appeal for outside approval.



+1 on that, but race should not be associated with size. Seems that it is now.

Even fake people outgrow their fakeness, or at least i hope and pray that they do.


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## Fat Brian (Dec 4, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> And simply that they see their mate as an "aspect of themselves"...



Very true.


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## Heyyou (Dec 4, 2010)

grady said:


> I'm a black man in Atlanta and down here there are a lot of plus-sized white women that ONLY talk to black men because they say that the black men like their size and that they don't get any attention from white men.



Oh trust me, that size comment is the other way around. Its the reason you get a lot of.. 



> I'm the semi-stereotypical skinny white FA.
> 
> I like to think I'm race-blind, but I also know that the type of people I'm attracted to tend to show up less often in certain races.



You know what you like.


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## Fat Brian (Dec 4, 2010)

Heyyou said:


> +1 on that, but race should not be associated with size. Seems that it is now.
> 
> Even fake people outgrow their fakeness, or at least i hope and pray that they do.



There can be some parallels drawn between the struggles of blacks for rights and the struggles of fat people for their rights. Both groups are/where oppressed for outward physical traits that have no bearing on the person inside. Both have been treated as social outcasts and something less than human. Both are discriminated against in employment and healthcare opportunities. They are not the same but not entirely different either.


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## ashmamma84 (Dec 4, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> There can be some parallels drawn between the struggles of blacks for rights and the struggles of fat people for their rights. Both groups are/where oppressed for outward physical traits that have no bearing on the person inside. Both have been treated as social outcasts and something less than human. Both are discriminated against in employment and healthcare opportunities. *They are not the same but not entirely different either*.



DEFINITELY NOT the same. Short of changing my DNA there is nothing I can do to change being black. Being fat isn't a static condition. So the argument that there are parallels isn't something I necessarily agree with. 

We don't share the same history at all. Blacks never really identified with their oppressor. Sure there are a couple Uncle Ruckus' wandering around, but for the most part, that just wasn't the case. The same cannot be said of fat people. By and large, fat folks believe fat is catching, disgusting and a moral failure just like society tells them.


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## Fat Brian (Dec 4, 2010)

ashmamma84 said:


> DEFINITELY NOT the same. Short of changing my DNA there is nothing I can do to change being black. Being fat isn't a static condition. So the argument that there are parallels isn't something I necessarily agree with.
> 
> We don't share the same history at all. Blacks never really identified with their oppressor. Sure there are a couple Uncle Ruckus' wandering around, but for the most part, that just wasn't the case. The same cannot be said of fat people. By and large, fat folks believe fat is catching, disgusting and a moral failure just like society tells them.



I'm not trying to diminish the struggles of blacks or increase that of fat people, my point was in response to Hey You acting as if there cannot be any commonality at all. And I do agree that fat is not always a static condition unlike skin color.


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## Heyyou (Dec 4, 2010)

ashmamma84 said:


> *DEFINITELY NOT the same.* Short of changing my DNA there is nothing I can do to change being black. Being fat isn't a static condition. So the argument that there are parallels isn't something I necessarily agree with.
> 
> We don't share the same history at all. Blacks never really identified with their oppressor. Sure there are a couple Uncle Ruckus' wandering around, but for the most part, that just wasn't the case. The same cannot be said of fat people. By and large, fat folks believe fat is catching, disgusting and a moral failure just like society tells them.



Im glad someone aid something because calling being an FA the same as being Black just isnt fair. On so many levels.

And im still bemused at how race all of a sudden is related to FA-ism. Thats just not supposed to be the case. Not sure why people are saying it is.

Im sure paragraphs will come, saying things that can be left to a few sentences.


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## Ned Sonntag (Dec 4, 2010)

In the early 70s the edgy and stylish fat chicks:eat2: were hanging out with gay guys... during the Disco Era they SWITCHED OVER to Black Guys. I was kind of left over from the Hippie Era but I managed.:blush:


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## superodalisque (Dec 5, 2010)

ashmamma84 said:


> DEFINITELY NOT the same. Short of changing my DNA there is nothing I can do to change being black. Being fat isn't a static condition. So the argument that there are parallels isn't something I necessarily agree with.
> 
> We don't share the same history at all. Blacks never really identified with their oppressor. Sure there are a couple Uncle Ruckus' wandering around, but for the most part, that just wasn't the case. The same cannot be said of fat people. By and large, fat folks believe fat is catching, disgusting and a moral failure just like society tells them.



i'm not sure that history bears out the idea that black people did not identify with the oppressor. they would probably be superhuman if they did not at least on some level. remember, there were whole islands devoted to torture and brutality to season slaves before they even reached our shores. every group that has ever been oppressed has had a significant amount of people who pander to strength. thats the point of all of the negativity verbal and physical abuse contained in a system like that. its not only to gain control of someone's body but someone's mind. human society has had many centuries to figure out exactly how to do that and is very good at it. what else would many people do who were born and bred in such a negative institution where it was illegal for you to read , write, travel ,communicate or get access to info without the oppressors permission and were subject to daily doses of brainwashing. 

sure many broke out of the system and its mindset but many did not and actually helped to strengthen the thing that oppressed them. it was like the stockholm syndrome. black people participated in every aspect of slavery. some were even slave holding as well as slave trading and not just on a protective level. there were quite a few who thought white was right and might. when you look at the history of slave trading in Africa, the US and the islands like Haiti etc... there are a lot of historical examples. even in the 60's skin lightening agents hair straightening chemicals etc... were popular. some black people lamb basted people for having thick lips wide nosed and big butts. in Louisiana there was a whole society of folk based on being a lighter shade than a paper bag who thought themselves better than others of their own race. some people thought they'd find life easier if they looked somewhat white and acted somewhat white. there was massive amounts of passing for those who could. there was a period in the late seventies when black women mainly wanted light skinned men. so there are some similarities with black people identifying with the oppressor and internalizing hatred brought on by being born and raised in a hateful and biased society and not having much of a foil elsewhere. there is no shame in that. that was what the institution was engineered for and it worked. the diet industry wants to keep americans enslaved for the same reason people wanted slavery--just for the income. it would have worked on any human being as we see historically with other races/religious and ethnic groups--even with europeans enslaved in the medieval middle east where there were ghettos with liquor stores and easy conversion to islam and many who totally obliged. 

but having said all of that i do believe there are very stark differences that are really important to recognize. it would be very strange to say that fat hatred ever reaches the extremes of the legacy of slavery in any way. there has been no segregation of fat folk. fat folk are not lynched, there is no law saying a fat person is 3/5th of a human being denying him/her the right to vote. civilly speaking we are entitled to every right everyone else has particularly if we don't legally pursue it on the basis of size alone. i think the biggest problem fat people have often had is perceiving themselves as equal and fully utilizing that equality rather than waiting for society to perceive them as equal. i do think that on some greater level fat people relate to oppressors because many do feel actual disgust in their own bodies. whether thats the sole function of society or its really coming from inside of the person in another question altogether. for fat people the internal prejudice thing is complicated in a very different kind of way. but its also important to remember that there are a LOT of fat people who FEEL they cannot change what they are. the reasons may be biological financial or even emotional. that may or may not be true but it feels pretty real to them--as real as DNA.


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## medusaprime (Dec 5, 2010)

Being in the adult entertainment industry doing peepshows and internet modeling, I definitly see a connection with bigger women and black/spanish/mexican men. I imagine that the reason for this is that a bigger frame is more accepted within these cultures and eventually, there will be an evolution to sexuality in other cultures, leading to more fa's in all races.


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## lovelocs (Dec 5, 2010)

Heyyou said:


> Im glad someone aid something because calling being an FA the same as being Black just isnt fair. On so many levels.
> 
> And im still bemused at how race all of a sudden is related to FA-ism. Thats just not supposed to be the case. Not sure why people are saying it is.
> 
> Im sure paragraphs will come, saying things that can be left to a few sentences.



Maybe race isn't *supposed* to be related to FA-ism, but it does seem to be, at least anecdotally. I can provide you with stories, as can many BBW. If there isn't hard empirical evidence to prove it, it's only because there hasn't been funding for a study. 

You can try to link FA-ism to affluence (more affluent people tend to reject obesity and/or obese people, while it's more accepted and par for the course among the working class and poorer) but once again, affluence and race are linked, so we're back at square one. 

As for the length of some folk's posts, why so superior?


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## Fat Brian (Dec 5, 2010)

lovelocs said:


> As for the length of some folk's posts, why so superior?



He has paragraph envy.


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## LordQuas (Dec 6, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> so...
> where do hispanic, native american, indian, asian, and/or middle eastern people fit into your little survey?



Well out of those I think it's safe to say that only hispanic men are at all stereotyped to like bigger women. I wasnt trying to exclude anyone though, I just dont see enough of any other races besides white and black to really have many thoughts on BBWs and Native Americans, Indians, etc


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## LordQuas (Dec 6, 2010)

Cynthia said:


> My husband and I just ordered what looks like a really interesting book called _Interracial Intimacies: Sex, Marriage, Identity, and Adoption_ by Randall Kennedy. Has anyone here read it?
> 
> It would be intriguing to get a sociological perspective on race and relationships, not just in the general population, but in size-acceptance circles specifically. When I was single and went to occasional SA parties, I always found the racial dynamics pretty amusing, and I suspect that there were a variety of motivating factors at play, depending on the particular men and women involved. I'm surprised that this thread isn't getting more posts, but maybe it's because there are way too many landmines.



I will definitely be checking out this book, thank you very much for this post


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## LordQuas (Dec 6, 2010)

Zoftig said:


> I'd like to think that our bond goes beyond the black dude/fat while girl thing. :kiss2:



Honestly I think we click because we're both weird as hell yet comfortable enough with ourselves to not feel the need to hide being weird


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## LordQuas (Dec 6, 2010)

First of all, I want to thank everyone for making such thoughtful posts. I am glad that I am not the only one with a lot to say about this subject. I also want to make it clear that while I dont think race and weight should be related in the way that they sometimes seem to be in our society.

I personally have struggled internally with my taste in women my entire life. Because there are so few "desirable" young black men (educated, no Fs, no kids, etc) I have often been made to feel as though I betray my race by dating white women. I still ask myself why I love big white women but at the end of the day I really don't know. I think some of it is my natural urge to rebel against convention. I think some of it has to do with the fact that it makes my mother incredibly uncomfortable and we do not have a good relationship at all. I think some of it is from seeing the women my dad hit on when I was growing up. But at the end of the day I have been fascinated with (really) big white women since I was 5 or 6 and it's only gotten stronger with age. I had a point to this but I started rambling, I guess I just wanted everyone to have a clearer picture of the OP and my intentions behind this thread.


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## ashmamma84 (Dec 6, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i'm not sure that history bears out the idea that black people did not identify with the oppressor. they would probably be superhuman if they did not at least on some level. remember, there were whole islands devoted to torture and brutality to season slaves before they even reached our shores. every group that has ever been oppressed has had a significant amount of people who pander to strength. thats the point of all of the negativity verbal and physical abuse contained in a system like that. its not only to gain control of someone's body but someone's mind. human society has had many centuries to figure out exactly how to do that and is very good at it. what else would many people do who were born and bred in such a negative institution where it was illegal for you to read , write, travel ,communicate or get access to info without the oppressors permission and were subject to daily doses of brainwashing.
> 
> sure many broke out of the system and its mindset but many did not and actually helped to strengthen the thing that oppressed them. it was like the stockholm syndrome. black people participated in every aspect of slavery. some were even slave holding as well as slave trading and not just on a protective level. there were quite a few who thought white was right and might. when you look at the history of slave trading in Africa, the US and the islands like Haiti etc... there are a lot of historical examples. even in the 60's skin lightening agents hair straightening chemicals etc... were popular. some black people lamb basted people for having thick lips wide nosed and big butts. in Louisiana there was a whole society of folk based on being a lighter shade than a paper bag who thought themselves better than others of their own race. some people thought they'd find life easier if they looked somewhat white and acted somewhat white. there was massive amounts of passing for those who could. there was a period in the late seventies when black women mainly wanted light skinned men. so there are some similarities with black people identifying with the oppressor and internalizing hatred brought on by being born and raised in a hateful and biased society and not having much of a foil elsewhere. there is no shame in that. that was what the institution was engineered for and it worked. the diet industry wants to keep americans enslaved for the same reason people wanted slavery--just for the income. it would have worked on any human being as we see historically with other races/religious and ethnic groups--even with europeans enslaved in the medieval middle east where there were ghettos with liquor stores and easy conversion to islam and many who totally obliged.
> 
> but having said all of that i do believe there are very stark differences that are really important to recognize. it would be very strange to say that fat hatred ever reaches the extremes of the legacy of slavery in any way. there has been no segregation of fat folk. fat folk are not lynched, there is no law saying a fat person is 3/5th of a human being denying him/her the right to vote. civilly speaking we are entitled to every right everyone else has particularly if we don't legally pursue it on the basis of size alone. i think the biggest problem fat people have often had is perceiving themselves as equal and fully utilizing that equality rather than waiting for society to perceive them as equal. i do think that on some greater level fat people relate to oppressors because many do feel actual disgust in their own bodies. whether thats the sole function of society or its really coming from inside of the person in another question altogether. for fat people the internal prejudice thing is complicated in a very different kind of way. but its also important to remember that there are a LOT of fat people who FEEL they cannot change what they are. the reasons may be biological financial or even emotional. that may or may not be true but it feels pretty real to them--as real as DNA.



I'm not so sure _I_ was bearing out the idea ALL blacks didn't identify with the oppressor. What I was talking about wasn't about semantics; if Blacks kept identifying with the oppressor we would still be picking cotton. Blacks have made progress by leaps and bounds, so much so that other groups were taking pages from our play book, in terms of equal rights. There might not have always been a united front about the way to obtaining/demanding freedoms, but there was still a fight to have them and participate in the current system. Very much a moving from margin to center kinda thing. 

Fat people, on the other hand, not so much. There are plenty of fat folks who don't want anything to do with anything called Size Acceptance and balk at the idea of Health At Any Size. There isn't any real cohesion, from where I sit. That doesn't mean there aren't pockets of people pushing for rights, but I'd say on the whole the momentum isn't there. There isn't some influential, charismatic leader getting people fired up or drunk on the idea that they too, deserve all the freedoms/rights others have, and in terms of civil disobedience I'd say there are very few examples of that from fat activists unless one counts being in a fat body itself. Where are the marches? Sit ins, etc? A united front is almost nil. Plenty of fat people drink the Kool Aid the media is selling. Dims is a special lil hub away from that, ideologically. It doesn't reflect the whole of fat folks. I think fat folks do a lot of giving power away instead of trying to take it back. 

That and feelings are irrelevant when it comes to facts. You can FEEL anything you want - whether it's right, wrong, indifferent. Feelings change. They can very much be circumstantial. Facts, such as skin color (and the connotation, history, etc) are irrefutable, and said fact is stable over time. No matter how a person of color feels his/her skin color doesn't change. No comparison shouldn't even be made, imo.


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## Jes (Dec 6, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i wouldn't trust someone who says there are no fat women where he is. i wouldn't trust anyone who doesn't have relationships with actual fat women. .



Thank you. 

I've felt this for a long while and you've articulated the thought in a very compelling way. This really IS the crux of the issue a lot of the time. I hope women think about this (and men too).


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## superodalisque (Dec 6, 2010)

ashmamma84 said:


> I'm not so sure _I_ was bearing out the idea ALL blacks didn't identify with the oppressor. What I was talking about wasn't about semantics; if Blacks kept identifying with the oppressor we would still be picking cotton. Blacks have made progress by leaps and bounds, so much so that other groups were taking pages from our play book, in terms of equal rights. There might not have always been a united front about the way to obtaining/demanding freedoms, but there was still a fight to have them and participate in the current system. Very much a moving from margin to center kinda thing.
> 
> Fat people, on the other hand, not so much. There are plenty of fat folks who don't want anything to do with anything called Size Acceptance and balk at the idea of Health At Any Size. There isn't any real cohesion, from where I sit. That doesn't mean there aren't pockets of people pushing for rights, but I'd say on the whole the momentum isn't there. There isn't some influential, charismatic leader getting people fired up or drunk on the idea that they too, deserve all the freedoms/rights others have, and in terms of civil disobedience I'd say there are very few examples of that from fat activists unless one counts being in a fat body itself. Where are the marches? Sit ins, etc? A united front is almost nil. Plenty of fat people drink the Kool Aid the media is selling. Dims is a special lil hub away from that, ideologically. It doesn't reflect the whole of fat folks. I think fat folks do a lot of giving power away instead of trying to take it back.
> 
> That and feelings are irrelevant when it comes to facts. You can FEEL anything you want - whether it's right, wrong, indifferent. Feelings change. They can very much be circumstantial. Facts, such as skin color (and the connotation, history, etc) are irrefutable, and said fact is stable over time. No matter how a person of color feels his/her skin color doesn't change. No comparison shouldn't even be made, imo.



i really agree with this except that the comparison is a valuable one in certain aspects. as you said the civil rights movement has been the inspiration of nearly all of the social movements for human rights that came after since there has been such an awesome amount of progress made in relatively short period of time when you compare it to similar situations. its important for people to see why that is and compare it to their own state even if they aren't exactly the same because there are lessons to be learned and also because even if the suffering is less the sense of human struggle is the same. the my struggle was worse than your struggle thing is pretty much a moot point if someone is feeling oppressed and is not black. they have no way of knowing exactly what that oppression is like exactly and never will. i don't think that matters. what does mater is how we can find commonality with each other on the basis that we all find the need to fight for rights that should naturally belong to all of us. 

there are still enough parallels that the SA movement can and should look to the civil rights movement as a road map as to how fat people and people who care about them should really be thinking and acting about the things they want to achieve--like putting the self hatred behind and deciding to coalesce and be active as a group. i think my point about the oppressor is that its a process. black people where were oppressed did not always start out feeling appropriately about how they should think about themselves and react. neither have fat people. black people can't change their DNA but why should they have to? we can be the same as we are and not blend in with the majority here in the states and in europe in order to find our place in the world. being the same is a big issue with fat people as well. none of us have to blend in if we embrace our own special traits and have pride in them. black people don't need to essentially change who they are and neither do fat people except to understand that we demand respect for our humanity and will have it. 

you're right thats thats an important difference in both movements. but just maybe fat people and others who care about the issue should be allowed to fully identify with black people. it might just help them to see how seriously they have to view their own struggle if things are ever going to change for fat folk as a whole. i'm not sure that saying to fat people that their struggle isn't as monumental as the black struggle will get them where they need to be. they need an apt pattern to follow. they need to understand that no matter what level of size you're at or where your health is we're all fat to the outside world, just like it doesn't really matter how dark or light you are you're still black. as for people with fat partners that they love maybe it might help to think of them more as people who were not black but were married to black folk. that would probabyl have more issues extending in the same direction.

if black people can be generous enough to share their struggle with internal Chinese human rights groups and with those of people with disabilities why not with the fat? MLK was willing to share the struggle with poor whites and with all other American citizens fighting the war in Vietnam and with the Vietnamese because he understood that civil rights did not stop with black people or even himself. those struggles were not exactly the black struggle but they were human struggles nevertheless. suffering is a part of being human. the fact that he could see and validate the sufferings of other people is partially what gave the movement strength and made it a perpetual movement for everyone who wanted to appropriate it in the whole rest of the world. i think, like MLK we need to take a page from Ghandi in this situation. 

As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it

Ghandi


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## superodalisque (Dec 6, 2010)

medusaprime said:


> Being in the adult entertainment industry doing peepshows and internet modeling, I definitly see a connection with bigger women and black/spanish/mexican men. I imagine that the reason for this is that a bigger frame is more accepted within these cultures and eventually, there will be an evolution to sexuality in other cultures, leading to more fa's in all races.



i doubt that you'll have more FAs of other races since many other races don't view loving a fat person as such a big deal that it requires a whole other reference point. you'll probably only see that in cultures where there is some resistance to the sexual attractiveness of people of a large size. when people no longer even feel the need to identify on that level then you know they've really been influenced by other cultures.


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## ashmamma84 (Dec 6, 2010)

My point - and maybe I didn't make it clear - is that it's not about playing the Oppression Olympics. No where did I state fat folks struggle isn't as monumental as the Black struggle. I'm saying we shouldn't be comparing them at all. My point about short of changing DNA was to illustrate that its static and that's why I think fat people have a hard time gaining momentum. People - thin, fat and in between - believe its a moral failing and it can be changed. Unfortunately people sometimes find it especially hard to recognize someone's humanity when they're different and haven't been educated. No one steps down from a job after calling someone a fat ass, etc, diversity training classes don't highlight size sensitivity - there just isn't much regard for fat folk because of lack of awareness. Is that because we aren't demanding that? Or is something else going on? I guess I wonder why any other group should partner/ally with us fat folks if we can't even get it together for ourselves. Like who or what are we waiting on? And why?

Also, I don't know that many people involved in SA who are black. It could be that being fat isn't a big deal culturally so there's really not much of a need for it and/or they are dealing with other issues (e.g., poverty, education, other access to resources, etc) so SA isn't given top billing.


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## superodalisque (Dec 6, 2010)

ashmamma84 said:


> My point - and maybe I didn't make it clear - is that it's not about playing the Oppression Olympics. No where did I state fat folks struggle isn't as monumental as the Black struggle. I'm saying we shouldn't be comparing them at all. My point about short of changing DNA was to illustrate that its static and that's why I think fat people have a hard time gaining momentum. People - thin, fat and in between - believe its a moral failing and it can be changed. Unfortunately people sometimes find it especially hard to recognize someone's humanity when they're different and haven't been educated. No one steps down from a job after calling someone a fat ass, etc, diversity training classes don't highlight size sensitivity - there just isn't much regard for fat folk because of lack of awareness. Is that because we aren't demanding that? Or is something else going on? I guess I wonder why any other group should partner/ally with us fat folks if we can't even get it together for ourselves. Like who or what are we waiting on? And why?
> 
> Also, I don't know that many people involved in SA who are black. It could be that being fat isn't a big deal culturally so there's really not much of a need for it and/or they are dealing with other issues (e.g., poverty, education, other access to resources, etc) so SA isn't given top billing.



i agree. no olympics as well but its just good to compare in order to take away some valuable ideas that can progress our rights. they got there . how do we? what can we add to the roadmap?

hey, being black was thought to be the physical embodiment of having a moral failing. blackness and darkness was associated with evil ignorance stupidity. Robert Conrad built an excellent theory around that platform in "Heart of Darkness" about how the reason for the brutality of slavery might be the fact that the black skin mirrored back to europeans the darkness they really felt was in their souls and allowed them to act out theri primitive nature. people think fat is catching too. so similarities still exist in many ways which proves how many more similarities there are than differences as there are in most people's lives and experiences. maybe it the similarities that will help us that we need to build on.

i agree that fatness isn't that big of a deal for black people. we do have bigger fish to fry. so our hierarchy of needs may be different or it could just be cultural differences as well. when you have a career, an education enough to eat where does the mind turn to next? thats a good question. it makes you wonder if it becomes of an issue when you have more stability in society. it also makes you wonder if it will become more of a concern as black people achieve more. there are some indications that it has for some. but hopefully thats only something temporary to people who are intent on assimulating until they get back to their core values--like you see happening in immigrant groups.

also the points you made about black people being impoverished needing education and access should be the core values of SA . those points tend to get ignored inside of the community even though they are a major problem for fat people too. thats a place where i think fat people generally could agree but political groups seem to be more concerned about whether society likes what our bodies look like than whether we're getting our fair share of economic empowerment as fat people. to me the movement seems to give no practical reasons for fat people to fight together so they aren't. why would someone worry about a wider plane seat if they can't even afford to fly in the first place? can't we just make it possible for fat people to eat as they like and make sure they have the economic power to buy a business class seat where they can fit. it solves 2 problems. the airlines get their financial due and fat people get their due and thin people aren't subsidizing us with their comfort. everybody is happy. it would be much better not to have so many underpayed or underemployed fat people trying to squeeze into economy in the first place.


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## superodalisque (Dec 6, 2010)

...just maybe these interracial relationships will create a situation where fat people will benefit more from the black struggle by being influenced by their SOs to ask concretely for the things that will actually make a difference in the quality of their lives.


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## musicman (Dec 6, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> Its been discussed before how the black and latino cultures have been slower to adopt the "Evul Deth Fatz !" message that white people have swallowed wholeheartedly. I personally know far more confident black and latino women than white women.





kioewen said:


> This is undoubtedly true, but it would be interesting to know why that is the case. Are white women more avid consumers of the media, and therefore prone to be influenced by it? I wonder what percentage of purchases of _Vogue_ and such are white, compared to other races? I suspect it could be the vast majority.




As Fat Brian noted in another reply, it's because past diet ads have mainly been directed at white women. But why only white women? This is easy to answer. It's purely a matter of economic class. Like all hucksters, the purveyors of diet scams look for people with lots of disposable income. So diet ads were mostly aimed at white women. As more minorities have moved into the middle class, they have become targets of the diet scammers. And the advertising (i.e. brainwashing) works, unfortunately. The attitudes of many young black girls about weight are now almost the same as white girls.

To me, this is just further proof that 99.9% of the diet industry is a pure scam, and has nothing to do with concern for people's health. Follow the money...


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## gangstadawg (Dec 6, 2010)

musicman said:


> As Fat Brian noted in another reply, it's because past diet ads have mainly been directed at white women. But why only white women? This is easy to answer. It's purely a matter of economic class. Like all hucksters, the purveyors of diet scams look for people with lots of disposable income. So diet ads were mostly aimed at white women. As more minorities have moved into the middle class, they have become targets of the diet scammers. And the advertising (i.e. brainwashing) works, unfortunately. The attitudes of many young black girls about weight are now almost the same as white girls.
> To me, this is just further proof that 99.9% of the diet industry is a pure scam, and has nothing to do with concern for people's health. Follow the money...



not sure if i would go that far.


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## butch (Dec 7, 2010)

ashmamma84 said:


> My point - and maybe I didn't make it clear - is that it's not about playing the Oppression Olympics. No where did I state fat folks struggle isn't as monumental as the Black struggle. I'm saying we shouldn't be comparing them at all. My point about short of changing DNA was to illustrate that its static and that's why I think fat people have a hard time gaining momentum. People - thin, fat and in between - believe its a moral failing and it can be changed. Unfortunately people sometimes find it especially hard to recognize someone's humanity when they're different and haven't been educated. No one steps down from a job after calling someone a fat ass, etc, diversity training classes don't highlight size sensitivity - there just isn't much regard for fat folk because of lack of awareness. Is that because we aren't demanding that? Or is something else going on? I guess I wonder why any other group should partner/ally with us fat folks if we can't even get it together for ourselves. Like who or what are we waiting on? And why?
> 
> Also, I don't know that many people involved in SA who are black. It could be that being fat isn't a big deal culturally so there's really not much of a need for it and/or they are dealing with other issues (e.g., poverty, education, other access to resources, etc) so SA isn't given top billing.



Actually, I started a part-time job this summer, and I wa shown a diversity sensitivity training video that did include anti-fat language as being something to avoid in the workplace. I was surprised, and it made me think even higher of my new employer.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 7, 2010)

On the subject of FAs and race...one thing I've noticed is that when a Black guy is not into fat women at all, he also tends to be very upfront about it (I'm talking mostly about what I've seen in online dating profiles). He will say straight out that he only dates thin women, or will write "no BBWs" or something like that. 

I'm not sure if it's because there is that stereotype about Black guys and fat women, so some Black guys get a lot of messages from fat women who think they would be interested, and the guys who aren't into fat women want to cut those off at the pass. Or if it's just them being straight up about what they are and are not looking for. I dunno - maybe it's some combination of both.


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## superodalisque (Dec 7, 2010)

gangstadawg said:


> not sure if i would go that far.



i wouldn't think so either. there still isn't anything like the amount of fat prejudice as among white people by a long shot.


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## Jes (Dec 7, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i doubt that you'll have more FAs of other races since many other races don't view loving a fat person as such a big deal that it requires a whole other reference point. you'll probably only see that in cultures where there is some resistance to the sexual attractiveness of people of a large size. when people no longer even feel the need to identify on that level then you know they've really been influenced by other cultures.



From what I've seen and read about, the opposite is/may happen. It seems that bodies we see in the mass media seem to create (or uphold) certain standards that have a 'pebble in the pond' ripple effect.

When white people were on tv, the most-accessible mass media out there, whites were affected.

Now that many other races, ages, sexualities, etc. are on tv, those ethnicities are feeling the effects, too. 

I don't think that's a death sentence by any means, but I don't know if I agree with the poster who said things will necessarily get better now that doors have opened.


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## ashmamma84 (Dec 7, 2010)

butch said:


> Actually, I started a part-time job this summer, and I wa shown a diversity sensitivity training video that did include anti-fat language as being something to avoid in the workplace. I was surprised, and it made me think even higher of my new employer.



That's really great. It's a small step in the right direction. I still don't know that most jobs are doing that though and that's the reason I stated what I did. I work in HR (and am currently in grad school for I/O) and it just isn't discussed much, if at all.


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## ashmamma84 (Dec 7, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i wouldn't think so either. there still isn't anything like the amount of fat prejudice as among white people by a long shot.



I wouldn't go that far either. I once read a study that highlighted the pay disparities among white fat women and their thin counterparts. White fat women are impacted and paid less, however the study claimed Black fat women weren't. Maybe its because it's assumed that a lot of black women are fat or maybe it's that when it comes to negotiating salary some women are less afraid to make a counter if they feel they're work is worth more and not just grateful someone would actually think of hiring the unfortunate fat girl. (Of course, this was several years prior to the financial fiasco). I dunno but the study was very interesting and I'm curious to read any current literature on it.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Dec 9, 2010)

i'll date a woman from any race,i look at the person first and foremost,that being said i yeah i do notice that african-americans and latinos date bbw more then any other race.and there are some races that have less bbw's like the asian race or arabian.i do think there are some white man that date bbw but like some posters already said they are closeted about it.most white guys i know like the skinny bigger chested variety,the super model type look...


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## musicman (Dec 9, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i wouldn't think so either. there still isn't anything like the amount of fat prejudice as among white people by a long shot.




You mis-read my post. I didn't say anything about fat prejudice. I agree that there is less fat prejudice in black culture than in white, and that's a good thing. My post was about the pressure to be thin, and the fact that many young black girls are reacting just like white girls, now that minorities are being included in the diet scammers' advertising. This was related to me by a black educator who works with black girls in the public schools. Advertising works on all people, regardless of skin color, and the scammers know it.


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## girlish (Dec 9, 2010)

Hm... interesting thread. I didn't get to read all of the responses but I'll get around to it. So, sorry if someone has already said this but..

In my experience, I've run into a lot of white guys who see me, a black big girl and want me to be Dominant with them. Want me to be the 'take charge' in the relationship. Particularly sexually. Which ofcourse, is a turn-off for me because I'm sexually submissive by nature. A lot think that a black woman will show them things (be freakier). This is what they've told me. Which is hogwash. A woman is a woman is a woman. Now not all of them have been this way mind you. I've actually had some meaningful relationships with white, middle eastern and latino men.

My fiance is black and that doesn't seem to be an issue. 

Also, I used to run into a lot of 'I've never been with a black girl before, will you be my first experience?' Which made me feel more like an experiment than a person. I know most of them didn't mean it that way.. just the way it came across.

When I've dated outside of my race I never really got any flack for it. Not that I'm aware of. Simply because most of the men I dated had been dating black women all their lives so it wasn't something that their family or friends wasn't used to. Now, they could have said things when I wasn't around. Meh, I just don't care that much. It would of course become more of an issue if things became more serious.

My sister, who is older than me.. just got back into the dating scene. She's basically running into the same things. Men looking for her to be some type of 'brown notch' I guess. It's upsetting to her because she's just trying to find a mate. Not particularly a white, brown, or black mate.. just someone to love and have love her back.
It's been a very frustrating experience for her. I told her to hang in there.

I think you run into it even more if you choose to go the avenue of finding dates on dating sites or just online period.

I dunno, I may have rambled a bit. Sorry. :blush:


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## superodalisque (Dec 10, 2010)

girlish said:


> Hm... interesting thread. I didn't get to read all of the responses but I'll get around to it. So, sorry if someone has already said this but..
> 
> In my experience, I've run into a lot of white guys who see me, a black big girl and want me to be Dominant with them. Want me to be the 'take charge' in the relationship. Particularly sexually. Which ofcourse, is a turn-off for me because I'm sexually submissive by nature. A lot think that a black woman will show them things (be freakier). This is what they've told me. Which is hogwash. A woman is a woman is a woman. Now not all of them have been this way mind you. I've actually had some meaningful relationships with white, middle eastern and latino men.
> 
> ...



yes i run into this quite a lot too. i hate it when people expect me to be rough tough and hypersexual with them just because its some kind of imagined stereotype that arouses them. tg not all white men are like that. some actually do see you as a person and not just a set of big hips or cute pink and tan feet to fixate on. 

the hardest thing to swallow is the idea that somehow we aren't looking for love and intimacy like everyone else. i think you're right about online. people are able to distance themselves and have no fear of insulting you or hurting your feelings since they never see your eyes or your facial expression. in person its much harder to get so wrapped up in a fantasy that you don't even notice who someone is. online you just become one of the specialty meats in the meat market. its mainly why i personally prefer dating people i've met IRL who get to know me and appreciate me slowly as a person. i tend to develop fewer negative opinions that way and give people more of a chance.

i know a lot of guys who've had certain expectations of me because of my race. most are probably pretty embarrassed by those now that they know me better. i always forgive them but i'm never truly able to forget, especially if i note that they behave the same way with other women they don't know as well and don't seem to apply the lesson they learned from being around me. i know i'm not an exception in how i feel and how soft i am on the inside. if they think i am alone in how i feel as a black woman they are definitely clueless.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 12, 2010)

bigmac said:


> Landmines indeed. But since I've already pissed off a lot of people on this board here goes. I've noticed some interesting racial dynamics at BBW events too (notice I said BBW not SA). Some of the things I've noticed:
> 
> -- In large metropolitan areas BBW events tend to be segregated. For example in the NYC area (at least when I lived there 10 years ago) there were events that were mostly white, events that were mostly black guys and white BBW, and events that were almost entirely black.
> 
> ...




Fortunately, this is not true about BBW events in the Baltimore-Washington area. There is a lot of mixing going on down here unlike the NY-NJ events.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 12, 2010)

ashmamma84 said:


> I think some black women tend to get a bad rep that's perpetuated by the media, but also by our own people too. The most negative things I've heard about black women have been said out of the mouths of black men. We're castrating, we don't know how to let a man be a man (read - we generally have a low tolerance for bs, especially when it comes to something as arbitrary as weight), we have bad attitudes, etc. It's always sad to here because it makes me wonder how their first experiences with black women - their Mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers - effected their view.
> 
> I think preferences are fine. Hey, we all like what we like. But I think sometimes it's other things that are at play. One guy I talk to likes to joke and say white women are a sort of status symbol. That after a guy has achieved a certain level of success or he's in an upper echelon of his career, etc. he feels like being with a white woman is an extension of that success. And for those who don't date white women, they date black women with lighter skin, straight hair, etc.
> 
> ...



The whole idea of dating white women to get status symbols is crazy. I don't understand guys like this. 

It's better to date someone who shares your values. 

I do not date women for status reasons. It's demeaning to me and it's degrading to the woman.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 12, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> on the subject of status symbols it now goes the other way as well. for guys who are white there are a few who date black women for pc status to show how wonderfully liberal nice modern and edgy they are. its the human equivalent to those guys who do the eco tourism thing. its not because they really care but they just want to try and show off how wonderfully open they think they are.



I know people do this type of thing and I think it is reprehensible!


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 12, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i really agree with this except that the comparison is a valuable one in certain aspects. as you said the civil rights movement has been the inspiration of nearly all of the social movements for human rights that came after since there has been such an awesome amount of progress made in relatively short period of time when you compare it to similar situations. its important for people to see why that is and compare it to their own state even if they aren't exactly the same because there are lessons to be learned and also because even if the suffering is less the sense of human struggle is the same. the my struggle was worse than your struggle thing is pretty much a moot point if someone is feeling oppressed and is not black. they have no way of knowing exactly what that oppression is like exactly and never will. i don't think that matters. what does mater is how we can find commonality with each other on the basis that we all find the need to fight for rights that should naturally belong to all of us.
> 
> there are still enough parallels that the SA movement can and should look to the civil rights movement as a road map as to how fat people and people who care about them should really be thinking and acting about the things they want to achieve--like putting the self hatred behind and deciding to coalesce and be active as a group. i think my point about the oppressor is that its a process. black people where were oppressed did not always start out feeling appropriately about how they should think about themselves and react. neither have fat people. black people can't change their DNA but why should they have to? we can be the same as we are and not blend in with the majority here in the states and in europe in order to find our place in the world. being the same is a big issue with fat people as well. none of us have to blend in if we embrace our own special traits and have pride in them. black people don't need to essentially change who they are and neither do fat people except to understand that we demand respect for our humanity and will have it.
> 
> ...



MLK was wise to recognize that everyone wants human rights and that we are all in the same boat. This is what people need to understand about GLBT. The same folks who hate GLBT are the very ones who hate blacks and women.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 12, 2010)

LordQuas said:


> First of all, I want to thank everyone for making such thoughtful posts. I am glad that I am not the only one with a lot to say about this subject. I also want to make it clear that while I dont think race and weight should be related in the way that they sometimes seem to be in our society.
> 
> I personally have struggled internally with my taste in women my entire life. Because there are so few "desirable" young black men (educated, no Fs, no kids, etc) I have often been made to feel as though I betray my race by dating white women. I still ask myself why I love big white women but at the end of the day I really don't know. I think some of it is my natural urge to rebel against convention. I think some of it has to do with the fact that it makes my mother incredibly uncomfortable and we do not have a good relationship at all. I think some of it is from seeing the women my dad hit on when I was growing up. But at the end of the day I have been fascinated with (really) big white women since I was 5 or 6 and it's only gotten stronger with age. I had a point to this but I started rambling, I guess I just wanted everyone to have a clearer picture of the OP and my intentions behind this thread.



If I had a penny for every time I heard this claptrap about there being no good black men, I would be a rich man. There are a lot of good black men out there, but only the elite can be doctors, lawyers, A-list movie stars and CEOs of large companies. Therefore, women should set more realistic expectations because there are good men all around. Maybe they wear uniforms and hardhats instead of Armani suits.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 12, 2010)

musicman said:


> As Fat Brian noted in another reply, it's because past diet ads have mainly been directed at white women. But why only white women? This is easy to answer. It's purely a matter of economic class. Like all hucksters, the purveyors of diet scams look for people with lots of disposable income. So diet ads were mostly aimed at white women. As more minorities have moved into the middle class, they have become targets of the diet scammers. And the advertising (i.e. brainwashing) works, unfortunately. The attitudes of many young black girls about weight are now almost the same as white girls.
> 
> To me, this is just further proof that 99.9% of the diet industry is a pure scam, and has nothing to do with concern for people's health. Follow the money...



Your point about black girls' attitudes being almost the same as white girls is not accurate. Although some black girls are becoming neurotic about weight loss, most are not.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 12, 2010)

girlish said:


> Hm... interesting thread. I didn't get to read all of the responses but I'll get around to it. So, sorry if someone has already said this but..
> 
> In my experience, I've run into a lot of white guys who see me, a black big girl and want me to be Dominant with them. Want me to be the 'take charge' in the relationship. Particularly sexually. Which ofcourse, is a turn-off for me because I'm sexually submissive by nature. A lot think that a black woman will show them things (be freakier). This is what they've told me. Which is hogwash. A woman is a woman is a woman. Now not all of them have been this way mind you. I've actually had some meaningful relationships with white, middle eastern and latino men.
> 
> ...



The stereotype of black women being hypersexual has never gone away. It's just another ignorant idea that continues to be passed down among the generations.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Dec 13, 2010)

good posts CBBWL!


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## SSBBW Katerina (Dec 14, 2010)

..... on my dance card resembled an assembly @ the U.N.

Tht being said, the overwhelming majority of partners that gravitated to me happened to be 'average' well built/ toned caucasian Jewish males aged 35+. This was even the case when I was in my very early 20s. Y? I dunno. Perhaps, barring the obvious exterior opposites, we had so much in common: views-life experiences-tastes in cinema/ music-travel. Or maybe I reminded them of a school teacher or nanny they had.:doh: Who knows or cares? ROFL!! Its all good as long as I was treated with respect and affection and without fear of introducing me to their friends & family. Not like I was a dirty secret.

The man I love & whom loves me unconditionally is Jewish, fits the phys. descr. above [big strong arms, etc:bow: ], is an FA since "grammar school" and as he put it to me, I'm his first black girlfriend and wants me to be his last and forever girlfriend & more. Squeeeee! Not a proposal, but I'll take this for now:smitten:

*Singing "Single Ladies"/ Put a Ring on It* lol,
Katerina


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## superodalisque (Dec 14, 2010)

SSBBW Katerina said:


> ..... on my dance card resembled an assembly @ the U.N.
> 
> Tht being said, the overwhelming majority of partners that gravitated to me happened to be 'average' well built/ toned caucasian Jewish males aged 35+. This was even the case when I was in my very early 20s. Y? I dunno. Perhaps, barring the obvious exterior opposites, we had so much in common: views-life experiences-tastes in cinema/ music-travel. Or maybe I reminded them of a school teacher or nanny they had.:doh: Who knows or cares? ROFL!! Its all good as long as I was treated with respect and affection and without fear of introducing me to their friends & family. Not like I was a dirty secret.
> 
> ...



i know exactly what you mean. i seem to attract a lot of Jewish men too. i don't know if its because a lot of Jewish men are FAs or like black women or they smell the Jewish background i have in me. i never could figure that one out.


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## superodalisque (Dec 14, 2010)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> The stereotype of black women being hypersexual has never gone away. It's just another ignorant idea that continues to be passed down among the generations.



the ghetto booty thing is really upsetting


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## SSBBW Katerina (Dec 14, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i know exactly what you mean. i seem to attract a lot of Jewish men too. i don't know if its because a lot of Jewish men are FAs or like black women or they smell the Jewish background i have in me. i never could figure that one out.



Ha! coincidental. I also have to consider the demographics of where/ how I was raised [predom. middle/ upper middle class white neighborhoods & schools]; resided & the line of work I was in from age 20s -30s UWS & UES Manhattan. So they honed in on me. lol. But all in all i always made an effort to have lots of fun with whomever I was dating or shagging or just chilling with.:happy:


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## girlish (Dec 14, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> yes i run into this quite a lot too. i hate it when people expect me to be rough tough and hypersexual with them just because its some kind of imagined stereotype that arouses them. tg not all white men are like that. some actually do see you as a person and not just a set of big hips or cute pink and tan feet to fixate on.
> 
> the hardest thing to swallow is the idea that somehow we aren't looking for love and intimacy like everyone else. i think you're right about online. people are able to distance themselves and have no fear of insulting you or hurting your feelings since they never see your eyes or your facial expression. in person its much harder to get so wrapped up in a fantasy that you don't even notice who someone is. online you just become one of the specialty meats in the meat market. its mainly why i personally prefer dating people i've met IRL who get to know me and appreciate me slowly as a person. i tend to develop fewer negative opinions that way and give people more of a chance.
> 
> i know a lot of guys who've had certain expectations of me because of my race. most are probably pretty embarrassed by those now that they know me better. i always forgive them but i'm never truly able to forget, especially if i note that they behave the same way with other women they don't know as well and don't seem to apply the lesson they learned from being around me. i know i'm not an exception in how i feel and how soft i am on the inside. if they think i am alone in how i feel as a black woman they are definitely clueless.



/snap/

Preach.


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## Heyyou (Dec 14, 2010)

> the ghetto booty thing is really upsetting



I submit... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY84MRnxVzo

That particular video is considered a classic.  

Not that it is right or wrong, but it *is* an adjective.



SSBBW Katerina said:


> Ha! coincidental. I also have to consider the demographics of where/ how I was raised [predom. middle/ upper middle class white neighborhoods & schools]; resided & the line of work I was in from age 20s -30s UWS & UES Manhattan. So they honed in on me. lol. But all in all i always made an effort to have lots of fun with whomever I was dating or shagging or just chilling with.:happy:



They raised you up RIGHT! And im sure, it would have to be an ugly place where appreciation was not shown to someone as beauteous as yourself. Or one like yourself. Or, most anyone!


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## Fat Brian (Dec 14, 2010)

Okay, she just said the "ghetto booty" stereotype is upsetting and you post a link to "Baby's Got Back" ? REALLY ?


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## superodalisque (Dec 14, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> Okay, she just said the "ghetto booty" stereotype is upsetting and you post a link to "Baby's Got Back" ? REALLY ?



its okay. he won't get a date like that


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## bostonguy (Dec 14, 2010)

Well, I am a short stalky white dude who likes black and white bbw's. I have never dated interracial though.
My ex was hit on alot by black guys she said.


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## Jes (Dec 17, 2010)

bostonguy said:


> Well, I am a short stalky white dude .



dude, stalking is NOT cool.


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## Myn (Dec 17, 2010)

I think he meant stocky.


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## JonesT (Dec 17, 2010)

Well as u can see I'm a black FA. Many of my friends assume that I only date white women but that's not true. I date all races.


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## Fat Brian (Dec 17, 2010)

Jes said:


> dude, stalking is NOT cool.



Maybe he is a cauliflower.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Dec 19, 2010)

JonesT said:


> Well as u can see I'm a black FA. Many of my friends assume that I only date white women but that's not true. I date all races.




same here man,my brother thinks the same thing about me but it is so not true.i'll date all races.


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## JonesT (Dec 19, 2010)

HeavyDuty24 said:


> same here man,my brother thinks the same thing about me but it is so not true.i'll date all races.



You like who you like right?


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## HeavyDuty24 (Dec 19, 2010)

JonesT said:


> You like who you like right?




yes that's true,you do like who you like man.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 24, 2010)

HeavyDuty24 said:


> good posts CBBWL!



Thanks, HeavyDuty24. I call a spade a spade!


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## HeavyDuty24 (Dec 24, 2010)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Thanks, HeavyDuty24. I call a spade a spade!




haha lol i hear ya man.you sound experienced indeed.:bow:


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## Lamia (Dec 25, 2010)

I was talking about my fiance at work during lunch break and this woman I work with asked me "Is he black?". So yeah I guess you can say some people do have that idea. My fiance is white, the lady asking the question was black. I could tell by her expression that she expected me to say yes. 

I will say that only 3 times in my life have I had a complete stranger try to pick me up. All 3 were black men. 

I find black men attractive, but my family is very racist and I have never wanted to go through that drama or put anyone in that situation.


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## oceanmachine (Dec 27, 2010)

LordQuas said:


> White men, do you encounter a lot of surprise when people discover your taste in women on account of the color of your skin?



to be honest, i think there might be a little surprise at the start if i was to date someone of a different race, but i feel that's more to do with music scene rather than being a racial issue. i've never had the chance to date other than white, but i move in the whole rock genre of music, and sorry to say, it seems to be very white dominated. i find this really annoying personally, but i don't think that it's a purposeful thing. it's more just a case of what is peoples tastes


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## Emma (Dec 27, 2010)

Lamia said:


> I will say that only 3 times in my life have I had a complete stranger try to pick me up. All 3 were black men.



Same here. I've never been approached by a white man in the street but I've had black men proposing to me and trying desperately to pick me up lol


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jan 3, 2011)

oceanmachine said:


> to be honest, i think there might be a little surprise at the start if i was to date someone of a different race, but i feel that's more to do with music scene rather than being a racial issue. i've never had the chance to date other than white, but i move in the whole rock genre of music, and sorry to say, it seems to be very white dominated. i find this really annoying personally, but i don't think that it's a purposeful thing. it's more just a case of what is peoples tastes




you know i think this is changing...there seems to be more people of different races liking different music nowadays.


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## KittyKitten (Jan 28, 2011)

ashmamma84 said:


> I think some black women tend to get a bad rep that's perpetuated by the media, but also by our own people too. The most negative things I've heard about black women have been said out of the mouths of black men. We're castrating, we don't know how to let a man be a man (read - we generally have a low tolerance for bs, especially when it comes to something as arbitrary as weight), we have bad attitudes, etc. It's always sad to here because it makes me wonder how their first experiences with black women - their Mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers - effected their view.
> 
> I think preferences are fine. Hey, we all like what we like. But I think sometimes it's other things that are at play. One guy I talk to likes to joke and say white women are a sort of status symbol. That after a guy has achieved a certain level of success or he's in an upper echelon of his career, etc. he feels like being with a white woman is an extension of that success. And for those who don't date white women, they date black women with lighter skin, straight hair, etc.
> 
> ...



Very insightful post. Men who bash women are heartbroken from their past choices of lovers. They simply made bad decisions and wish to blame an entire race of women for their stupidity. Also, it is no surprise that throughout American history, black women were made to feel undesirable and less than a woman; so to date outside the race, in the eyes of some self-hating men, is a status symbol. The white woman was 'the forbidden fruit'. The slaves with lighter skin were treated better than those with dark skin and so the cycle continues. Black women also have a shortage of black men to marry due to all those factors you stated and naturally most people choose to marry within their race. That is the unique dilemma of the black american woman today. 

There is nothing wrong with interracial relationships when it is truly founded on love, but to date one group of people while degrading another based on self hatred is just reprehensible.

Also, the myth of the 'hypersexual' black woman was spread over centuries for people to be numb over the fact that slave women were being raped in masses and abused. The myth also came from the fact that when colonizers came to Africa, many tribal women wore little clothing (duh, it was hot) and engaged in rhythmic tribal dances. These dances were not sexual in nature at all yet the colonizers decided to label these women as 'natural Jezebels'.

I also believe many white men, especially in the South, do not approach black women because they may think that she is not open to interracial dating. That is not always the case.


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## KittyKitten (Jan 28, 2011)

No matter what, every woman wants to feel desired by someone. No woman should ever feel 'less than'.


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## Gentleman Zombie (Jan 29, 2011)

Black BBW's are my preference. All the physical attributes I appreciate in women, black women seem to always have: beautiful full, kissable lips, big glorious butts and gorgeous dark skin. I love their skin color, the darker the better.

Black women tend to be more upfront and forthright than white women, you know where you stand with a black woman, a white woman not so much. I am not intimidated by an assertive, confrontational woman, I like the honesty.

Really the only bad thing about black women is when they reach the age of 50, suddenly they are compelled to wear hats all the time. I'm white and in the white community we don't see this hat obsession but older black women seem to start hat collections when they reach menopause.

I love being seen with a black BBW, here in Southern California everybody is cool, you just don't see racism, except from the police, but people often do a double take when they see me with a black woman, and I have to admit, I kinda get a kick out of that.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jan 29, 2011)

Gentleman Zombie said:


> Black BBW's are my preference. All the physical attributes I appreciate in women, black women seem to always have: beautiful full, kissable lips, big glorious butts and gorgeous dark skin. I love their skin color, the darker the better.
> 
> Black women tend to be more upfront and forthright than white women, you know where you stand with a black woman, a white woman not so much. I am not intimidated by an assertive, confrontational woman, I like the honesty.
> 
> ...






Gentleman Zombie, you certainly know what you like. In this area, I generally do not see 50ish black women wearing hats a lot. I do see a lot of older and elderly black women wearing hats in church, but that's about it.

You forgot to add that many black women do not show their true age.


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## saffronv (Jan 30, 2011)

I think I am kind of lucky in dating without getting comments or questions about why I am with someone of a particular race. Seeing as I am of many different races myself, and my family is very diverse and accepting, I haven't had anyone tell me they think it is strange when I am seeing a man that is asian, black, white, or latino. I am open to love from any race.


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## KittyKitten (Jan 30, 2011)

The black community can be just as sizist or _shapist_. I never understood the mantra that black folk are more accepting of size/shape than whites. In the black community, many believe you have to be a certain type of shape to be considered 'hot'.

Many girls who are not well endowed in the hip/buttocks areas feel like less than a woman because they don't have a coke bottle shape that is beloved in certain parts of the community. The girl may feel that she is nothing if she doesn't have big, round buttocks that point to the heavens and a defined waist line think women like Buffy the Body or even Beyonce. 

This is the ideal shape in many parts of the black community and what so many girls aspire to have. The word is 'thick'.







or 







Note: No where did I say all black people have these physical ideals but a good number.


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 31, 2011)

happyface83 said:


> The black community can be just as sizist or _shapist_. I never understood the mantra that black folk are more accepting of size/shape than whites. In the black community, many believe you have to be a certain type of shape to be considered 'hot'.
> 
> Many girls who are not well endowed in the hip/buttocks areas feel like less than a woman because they don't have a coke bottle shape that is beloved in certain parts of the community. The girl may feel that she is nothing if she doesn't have big, round buttocks that point to the heavens and a defined waist line think women like Buffy the Body or even Beyonce.
> 
> ...



Great post and I completely agree. It's just a different standard.


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## Gentleman Zombie (Jan 31, 2011)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> You forgot to add that many black women do not show their true age.



Oh my God, yes!


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