# Compulsive overeating/binge eating disorder



## wistful (Jul 3, 2007)

First a little aside: *I want to thank everyone who took the time to tell me to go ahead and start this post.I know that overeating/binging can sometimes be tough to talk about so I wanted to make sure there weren't any objections before bringing up this subject.One of the main reasons I wish to post about this at dims is that I want to talk about disordered eating from the standpoint of those who have at least a passing belief in size acceptance.*

So yeah...I have a problem with binging& just eating way too much in general.I've struggled with this issue since junior high school perhaps even earlier so I'm fairly positive it's not going away any time soon.Over the years my binging *has* decreased for which I'm very grateful.

For me my binging is very much tied into my depression & anxiety issues.I eat because it soothes me and it temporarily helps me to manage my depression.Binge eating has been shown to boost the serotonin levels so I'm pretty much self medicating with food.However a short while after I eat too much I feel like absolute crap.Both mentally and physically.Also when I'm going through one of those periods where I'm binging on a regular basis the weight will start to pile on which of course only continues to make me even more depressed.I get more depressed so what do I want to do? Eat more and get out less.It becomes a vicious cycle.


Seeking treatment is tricky.I'm about to start working with a new therapist who does work with eating disordered people so I'm hopeful that this might be able to help.Where all of this becomes a bit more difficult is where my eating disorder meets up with my belief in size acceptance.Am I fat because I binge eat on occasion and eat too much in general? in part yes.However even if I were to eat what is considered a "normal" amount would I then magically become thin? Absolutely not.I want a therapist that can understand that my fat is due to multiple causes.I've made my peace with never being thin so I just hope I can find a professional who supports this.I believe one can recover from an eating disorder and still be fat.

I've tried overeaters anonymous over the years but I'm not entirely comfortable with 12 step programs.Also as you might imagine there is a great deal of fat phobia at o.a. meetings.I'm almost always the largest person there and it's very uncomfortable for me.

Though my eating has naturally calmed down over the last several years I've recently experienced a setback.I'm experiencing a great deal of change in my life at the present and so to deal with the stress, the loneliness and the uncertainity i've turned back to disordered eating.
I'm hoping that by starting this thread people will feel free to share some of their experiences.We might not be able to solve each others issues but it's good to know that there are other fat and/or size positive people who are struggling with disordered eating as well.


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## PrettyLife (Jul 3, 2007)

Hi Wistful. I can totally relate to your problem of binge eating. For me... food is like my alcohol or drug of choice. I need it. For me it's mostly sweets and mostly at night time when I'm home alone (hubby works nights) and it's definetly a comfort thing for me as well. I'm just starting to admit this to myself so I'm really glad you started this thread. I need to have sweets in the house. If I don't, I feel nervous and anxious. It's how I cope with my feelings. I hope one day I can overcome this. It's so hard to know where to start though.


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## AnnMarie (Jul 3, 2007)

We have an older thread on the boards that may provide some additional info to you about other poster's experiences. I'll try to find it and provide a link. 

Here you go: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17451

_ETA link._


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## ssbbwQT (Jul 3, 2007)

Unfortunately I know what it's like to binge:eat1: ...about once a month during my PMS week. I binged today on giant choc. chip cookies (about 10), 3 pieces of pizza, a whole bag of cheese curls, a few bananas with peanut butter, a few hot dogs, a bowl of grapes, a big bowl of ice cream, coke and lemon tea. Now that was over the course of 14 hours...but the thing is, I never got full!:doh: It's like I have a hollow leg when I have PMS!! My doctor just prescribed paxil to curb my appetite and mood swings...we'll see if it works!


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 4, 2007)

I'm sorry you had that experience in OA. I used it to help with my bulimia and my group had women ranging in sizes from around 90 pounds to over 400, I honestly did not see any fat phobia.

As far as wanting to treat COE and worrying about SA, I don't really see where the two are related. You're talking about using food in an unhealthy and potentially damaging manner--that has nothing to do with liking or not liking your body. People who suffer from these problems come in a range of sizes. It should be enough that you say you feel bad both mentally and physically after a binge, you don't need to make any apologies regarding size acceptance.


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## wistful (Jul 4, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> I'm sorry you had that experience in OA. I used it to help with my bulimia and my group had women ranging in sizes from around 90 pounds to over 400, I honestly did not see any fat phobia.As far as wanting to treat COE and worrying about SA, I don't really see where the two are related.






Let me clarify my stance on overeaters anonymous.Yes I did meet some wonderful,caring people there who weren't judgemental about size and there was a point in my life where I did find the meetings to be helpful.However IMHO there is very much an attitude there that if one isn't skinny one is eating compulsively.I know that every chapter is different and the one around here might be full of great people but at this point I just don't feel comfortable going.I know that the meetings do prove to be a very useful,healing tool for some eating disordered people and I'm in full support of people using whatever resources they need to find peace of mind.

I *don't* believe that size acceptance and compulsive overeating are related either.However many people who treat binge eating come at it from the point of view of "once you stop binging the weight will magically fall off".I saw this attitude over and over again in the writings of Geneen Roth for example(whom I otherwise like).My fear is that my therapist will think that a person has to be thin in order to be fully recovered.I need to work with someone who understands that my C.O.E. is a different and separate issue from my body size.


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## wistful (Jul 4, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> We have an older thread on the boards that may provide some additional info to you about other poster's experiences. I'll try to find it and provide a link.
> 
> Here you go: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17451
> 
> _ETA link._




Hey Annmarie thanks so much for the link!! I did search the health boards before starting this thread but somehow I missed this.Excellent.


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## Jon Blaze (Jul 4, 2007)

Interesting... It makes me think about my old friend...
Certain Psychological Powers are trying to put Obesity in the DSM-V (Due by 2011). Now it is true that based on some scientific evidence, a select number of larger people might have a eating disorder of some type of other (And let us stress that thin people aren't exactly immune to them either), but if I am not mistaken: My old friend (Psychology) has proven that it's only a percentage of about less than half. Yet, I don't understand why they are attempting this after they know how wrong it would be (Even if it were more than half, that would still mean oddles of exceptions to the rule). This reminds me of the times when they tried putting Single Mothers and Homosexuality in the DSM- They're nuts!  
SAVE ME Renaisssance Woman! My friend is being a freaking meanie.


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## BigBeautifulMe (Jul 4, 2007)

Wistful,
I bet you'll find the eating disorder counselor helpful. I saw one as well. In our second session, she did something no one else ever had - gave me permission to eat what I wanted, when I wanted, as much as I wanted for a week. No one had ever done that before. I binged like crazy for two days - and then it was over. There was a lot of power in that - and I've never binged since.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jul 4, 2007)

What is contained in this post is my opinion only, not the opinion of Dimensions or anyone who posts on Dimensions. I do not advocate anyone doing anything that I have done in reguards to my COE.

Hi, my name is Donni and I am a compulsive overeater.

That being said....I have attended O.A. and probably will do in the future. I found it a safe place, even though 99% of the people there were thin bulimics...they still know the mental games that my disease plays with my head and while they don't praise me for being a bbw, no one has accused me of not being "abstinent". My problem with O.A. is the god thing. I don't feel pressue to join a certain relgion or anything, but I don't have faith in ANYTHING....I'm trying to grab on to something to hold on to, but everything is so hypocrytical and oxymoronish that I can't seem to have faith in anything.

I have been this way since I was a very little child. I was put on my first diet at 3 years old and that just made things worse since my mother wasn't strong enough to tell me, her first child, "no". I remember being so young I was still in diapers but sneaking food and then being shocked when I got caught....soon enough I figured out how I was getting caught and got better at hiding my disease. 

I come from a long line of fat people...really big fat people...so no one questioned why I was so big as a child, they just took it as I was one of them. My childhood is pleagued with my father being obsessive about food going so far as to count how many cups of cereal go into a bowl and then shouting at us for eating too much....there are other examples but this is the one that sticks out. This taught me that food is an obsession. He is also obsessed with peoples weight. Doesn't matter if they have gained or lost...he always has to talk about people's weight. ALWAYS. AND HE IS FAT FAT FAT!!!!! (I have issues there obviously, lol)

My mom on the other hand was more passive agressive about things. She too was fat fat fat now she is just fat, lol. She used to yell at me to get my "fat ass off the bed/couch/floor/chair" whathaveyou. I remember being on a family picnic and eating some oreos with her and when she was finished she expected me to be finished as well and when I reached for one more she said "Don't come crying to me when you wiegh 500lbs" Jeuse Christ, those words have stuck with me my entire life. I do not discuss my weight issues with my mother anymore, ever.

Up to date, I have been abstinent from disoredered eating for a complete week now. I have chosen an eating plan to stick to and while I am bitter, completely bitter about not being able to eat like most people, I feel better. I had a health scare, am still having a health scare, and it shoved me into action. I have cut ALL sugar, ALL salt (except where sodium naturally occurs I guess) and all cabrs excpet veggies. It is crap, it is not luxury, BUT, I am not hungry and since I know what I am to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I cannot obsess. It is helping ME. I do not claim that it will help anyone else ever.

I would love to see an eating disorder counselor but I don't know if that will ever happen so I have to take what I can get from OA and leave the rest as they say. As far as being told I could eat whatever and whenever I wanted, that does not work for me and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who is not being supervised by a medical professional!!!!! I was told that by my husband when we first got together. I can tell you, it opened padoras box of hungry hippos and did nothing for my health, I could not stop!

Since I have changed my plan of eating, my depression seems to be gone. I'm still not happy that I am in England, but when I look around, no one looks happy to be in England, so I am in good company, lol. My legs have stopped swelling so much that my socks don't even leave an indent anymore. I'm still a little puffy and my eating hasn't made life perfect, but it is bearable, one day at a time.

I will post more, cos there is tons where this came from. 29 years of disordered eating....about 8 months of that time I was builimic.

ETA: My eating plan is for my HEALTH and if I happen to stay the same size, it's ok....all that matters is that I feel better.


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## Emma (Jul 4, 2007)

Have you checked with a doctor that it's ok to cut out all sugar (is that including natural sugar?) all salt and all carbs. That sounds awfully unhealthy and I'm sure you need some of that to live.


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## Emma (Jul 4, 2007)

I must admit I'm a part-time half-hearted bulimic. Sometimes I get so down about the fact that I'm going to die young that I'll refuse to eat at all until I get starving then I'll eat something bad, it will depress me more so I'll puke it up. 

It doesn't bother me. It certainly isn't a problem. I don't do it often, only when I feel really guilty about what I've eaten. I know lots of people that do it, it's just a way to eat what we want without too much guilt. Say if you have a kebab at just before bed or something like that. 

I've only done it once since I came here though, I get told off for it


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jul 4, 2007)

CurvyEm said:


> Have you checked with a doctor that it's ok to cut out all sugar (is that including natural sugar?) all salt and all carbs. That sounds awfully unhealthy and I'm sure you need some of that to live.


 
I haven't cut ALL carbs, just stuff that doesn't come in meats, beans, cheese and veggies. I eat a ton of veggies every day, seriously. And yeah all sugar is a go..it is really good for insulin resistant PCOS sufferers. In a couple of months I plan on adding back in fruits SLOWLY. Fruits have loads of sugar and are addiciting to me...anything with sugar sets me off. I am sure tomatoes have sugar and I eat like 3 of those a day, I have basically cut out most man added stuff.  I will live, I feel better than ever!


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jul 4, 2007)

CurvyEm said:


> I must admit I'm a part-time half-hearted bulimic. Sometimes I get so down about the fact that I'm going to die young that I'll refuse to eat at all until I get starving then I'll eat something bad, it will depress me more so I'll puke it up.
> 
> It doesn't bother me. It certainly isn't a problem. I don't do it often, only when I feel really guilty about what I've eaten. I know lots of people that do it, it's just a way to eat what we want without too much guilt. Say if you have a kebab at just before bed or something like that.
> 
> I've only done it once since I came here though, I get told off for it


 
Builimia for me wasn't a tool to eat what I wanted when I wanted....it was more of a reaction to my disordered eating....a lot of COE and builimics eat stuff they don't want to eat when they don't want to eat it...it is a compulsion...something that is very hard to gain control over. That's how it was for me anyways....a reaction, not a tool.

I'm happy you don't do it anymore it ruins the lining of your stomach, you teeth etc...you can die young from all of that as well.


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 4, 2007)

You should be applauded for dealing with COE in a healthy and rational manner.

You sound like you are working on having a good attitude towards food and both mental and physical health. 

I can for nearly certain had it not been for OA I'd likely be either dead by now or so mentally and physically damaged that I'd be better off dead. 

Keep up the good work.


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## chickadee (Jul 4, 2007)

Wistful: I think you are right. For many people, the weight doesn't magically fall off when they stop binging. That's the part of Geneen Roth that rubbed me wrong, too. I have stopped binge eating for awhile now, but I am still "Fat." 

Sometimes I look at the variation amongst birds in a particular species. Some birds are big, others are small. People are like that, too. Not everyone is meant to hit a certain number on a BMI chart. I wish that people would not measure where you are in recovery from an eating disorder by a number on a chart. 

For me... Compulsive overeating and bulimia were fueled by a hatred for my body. But even when I was thin, I still hated my body because I took up space and I existed. So I hated my figure- but I hated being alive even more. Size acceptance has been part of my recovery from COE, because for me, size acceptance has meant taking ownership of my body and understanding that I deserve to exist, no matter what size I am. 

I think that the distinctions between different eating disorders are arbitrary, to a certain extent. At different points in my life, I would have met one (or more) of the DSMIV criterion for different eating disorders.


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## Fuzzy (Jul 4, 2007)

Just a few words.. some people like group therapy (OA,SA,AA,etc), and some don't. I liked it and found it helpful, my ex did not.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jul 4, 2007)

Wistful, I wish I had something profound to say to make it better, or that I knew a way to make it magically better. If you can, remember it's the emotional and behavioral aspects that are so bad, and if necessary, prompt your doctors and therapists that it's what matters to you. 

The best way I know:

Don't starve yourself. 

Keep healthy food on hand.

Figure out what triggers you and keep away. Until you figure out the issues, it's best to avoid what causes it if you can.


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## ashmamma84 (Jul 4, 2007)

I've never really thought about if I've had a real binge...I know I'm an emotional eater; I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm bored...even when I shop or cook food, I always buy/make huge portions, because I'm afraid there won't be enough. My cabinets are bursting with food and when I shop, it's overflowing with it...and it's only Babe and I. Some things are learned and I got that honest from my Mother...as well as the emotional eating. 

I do admit that sometimes even though I'll be full from a meal, I'll still eat...and if I can't finish it, I'll be mad that I'm too full to polish off whatever it is that I am eating...


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## butch (Jul 4, 2007)

Hi wistful,

In addition to all the good words already written in this thread, I wanted to add that I know of therapists who specialize in the treatment of eating disorders who are also active in SA and the HAES movement, so hopefully there is a therapist in your area that can see that recovery from COE does not equal thinness. If you're interested, PM me and I'll see if I can find some contacts and/or web sites for you to help you find a supportive therapist.

I wish you luck in your journey, and maybe soon when I'm feeling brave I'll share a bit about my own eating 'issues' in this thread. That being said, I appreciate the stories you all are sharing. It is a comfort to me.


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## Missy9579 (Jul 4, 2007)

I am not sure what category I fall into,,,binger, or over eater.

Sometimes I feel like I am addicted to food. Even if I am not hungry, if i know there is something in the house, I will eat it. And sometimes I get something in my head, and just can NOT not eat it. Hungry or not.

I will push myself to the point of feeling Ill, to finish all the macaroni and cheese. That is my favorite food in the world. But when I eat that, and other things, its like this will be the last time I will ever have it, so I had better eat as much as I possibly can. 

I dont do this every day, but when I do ,its usually for a few days. Im trying to do weight watchers and finding it VERY hard.

There is probably so much more i could write, but its very hard to try and sit and explain how I feel, and what goes through my mind.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 4, 2007)

wistful said:


> I've tried overeaters anonymous over the years but I'm not entirely comfortable with 12 step programs.Also as you might imagine there is a great deal of fat phobia at o.a. meetings.I'm almost always the largest person there and it's very uncomfortable for me.



I have sat in some of their meetings.... I also attended some Alanon meetings periodically. I,too, was the "largest person" there but realized from listening to their input, that many of them were quite larger at one time. 
I stopped attending because.... it overwhelmed me emotionally. I break down into an emotional basket case in the middle of those meetings. Everyone is kind, too. Know why? They have all been there.... and you can see that... know it. I'm not pushing you to go.... nor would I ever. It's always something that has to be based on personal choice or how in the world will it help you? 

I am a compulsive overeater/ compulsive dieter with some bulimic tendencies. I feel more "stable" now than I have ever before. Part of it was "learning my enemy" so to speak. I read several books - and grew partly angry with the realization that this is a disorder that doesn't always get the same attention as anorexia or bulimia. (or that is how it always seems to me). It took me until the age of 30 to even find out that this disorder exists. (many men also have this disorder... once again, they seem to get overlooked, too) 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0201122197/?tag=skimlinks_replacement-20

This book taught me so much. I read others on the same subject and read a book written by a bulimic who found self-recovery through OA. It's scary to read what others do to themselves... and then realize you abuse yourself as well. 

As far as weight loss goes? That's not on my agenda anymore... though it was pretty much a huge part of my life for the past 25 years. I don't weigh myself anymore- I haven't weighed myself in a year. I feel the temptation but know what that does to me- and why I want to know. I gained a little weight since last year- after going off my last "diet" (I have been known to roller coaster my weight for about two decades- gains up to 50 pounds at once and losses to 60- 80 pounds over within a 1.5 year span with compulsive exercise in the mix until this past year) 

Stopping the dieting/weighing is key to stopping the binges- I found out from that book. (It's true...)The whole premise of a diet is there is something "wrong" with you. You have to learn self-acceptance. Go with the understanding that you might ALWAYS be the weight you are right now. Go with the understanding that your life doesn't revolve around your weight- do the things you have been putting off until you lose x amount of weight. Get rid of all those different sizes of clothes you have in your closet and buy yourself some new things that you love on you RIGHT NOW. Not things you have to diet to get into......
Eat what you want, whenever you want. Keep your house STUFFED with food you love...... all of this steals away the "magical powers of food". 

Please PM if you want to talk about this or ask me about any reading materials 

Being open about it is key to me. I am an open book when it comes to my eating disorder. Ask me anything you want about it, I hold nothing back. I think of that as my "final purge" 


**This is the book I mentioned by the bulimic- she held nothing back and gave her full throttle honesty to this book to help others. She has my respect. 
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0936077077/?tag=skimlinks_replacement-20


The link AnnMarie gave you from this forum is a good one to read 
I also made this thread myself- if you care to read what I wrote about food guilt 
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19463&highlight=food+guilt


***Referring to the size acceptance aspect of it all..... accepting yourself is size acceptance IMO. I come here to help me learn how to love myself.... something I have been trying to do for over a decade now. There are others here with eating disorders.... I think this is a good place for us.


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## liz (di-va) (Jul 4, 2007)

My experience, super-succinctly! I am repeating some stuff here, but just thought I'd weigh in.

The whole OO/Women's Campaign to End Body Hatred and Dieting folks did a world of good for me at a crucial point in my life. The combination (twas crucial) of complete and total size acceptance combined with complete and total eating acceptance (hard to know how to put that) gave me this rock-solid core for navigating eating issues, esp. bingey stuff. 

I also saw a therapist about eating/size issues--or at least that was kind of the door into things, if that makes sense, since in the end while there were behavioral issues I wanted to address issues of size were kinda about everything but that, in the end--whom I found in the back of Radiance and was completely aware/down/active in this stuff. So that was key too.

I also found Geneen Roth (and Fat Is a Feminist Issue before that) limited. Helpful, but fundamentally limited, and therefore in the end, more unhelpful than not. Those books (I think I even went to a seminar...was a really long time ago) got me to a certain point, and no farther, and had the unhelpful effect of turning into PC diets. You know, 'lose weight by eatingwhatyouwant.' Not very tenable/remotely realistic practically, and in the end ideologically unhelpful for me.

I'm thrilled to announce I've never been to an OA meeting in my life. I feel like they're so fundamentally...confusing to get tangled with, regardless/or maybe because of the well-intentioned folks who can be involved. I don't find their model of thinking about eating remotely helpful for navigating, well, life.


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## wistful (Jul 5, 2007)

I really appreciate everyone who has responded in this thread.The honesty with which everyone has spoken of their experiences has moved me and for those of you who are struggling I hope you find your way to peace.Donni,I'm glad that o.a. has been such a help for you! You know what is best for you and I'm very happy to know that you are feeling better.There were a couple of resources mentioned in this thread that I either didn't know about or had forgot about! I plan on looking into them.


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## Tooz (Jul 5, 2007)

CurvyEm said:


> I must admit I'm a part-time half-hearted bulimic. Sometimes I get so down about the fact that I'm going to die young that I'll refuse to eat at all until I get starving then I'll eat something bad, it will depress me more so I'll puke it up.
> 
> It doesn't bother me. It certainly isn't a problem. I don't do it often, only when I feel really guilty about what I've eaten. I know lots of people that do it, it's just a way to eat what we want without too much guilt. Say if you have a kebab at just before bed or something like that.



There's no such thing as "part-time," honey.  Why do you say you're going to die young? Maybe it's been addressed on the forums in the past, but if so-- I missed it.


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## SamanthaNY (Jul 5, 2007)

CurvyEm said:


> I must admit I'm a part-time half-hearted bulimic.
> 
> It doesn't bother me. It certainly isn't a problem. I don't do it often, only when I feel really guilty about what I've eaten. I know lots of people that do it, it's just a way to eat what we want without too much guilt. Say if you have a kebab at just before bed or something like that.


It's good that you don't do it anymore - but this type of thinking is extremely dangerous. It's NOT okay to engage in ED behavior whether or not you think you can control it, and it's certainly not okay to use bulimic behavior to lessen or eliminate the guilt of over-or-inappropriate eating. That's exactly eating disorders and addictions get started.


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## activistfatgirl (Jul 5, 2007)

Just wanted to thank Wistful for starting this thread. I think its SO IMPORTANT that fat folks that want to feel comfortable in their bodies/desire size acceptance have space to talk about disordered eating.

I have mild issues, like Ash, emotional eating (which I don't necessarily think is an "issue", but that's complex). I've never been on a big binge or anything like that, but I know that my relationship with food still feels like a constant battle of the wills, and that's frustrating.

I'm really feeling what BBM's counselor said. That's ringing true to me, because it addresses some of the feelings of control/or lack their of, agency, and power by giving someone permission (who hasn't felt they had it), to eat what they want without guilt. 

I feel like the last couple years have been like that for me. I allowed myself to stop worrying, stop thinking, stop disallowing myself things, and just ate what I felt like. I think, overall, I've made choices in that time that have led me to feeling tired/lethargic/and not healthy. But that time was still so crucial in allowing me to control my choices as adult, and no one else. I'm finding myself now, after many years, much more able to be in control of what my choices are and I'm making better ones. Within the last couple of weeks I finally hit a pace where I want to eat well, feel good. No one's making me, it's not a "diet", it's me deciding what feels good. I'm not sure I could be doing that now if I didn't go first through the "ohh! I can eat anything how bout a cupcake!" phase.

I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe its like when the Amish youth have to go into the world before they can commit to the lifestyle.


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## MissToodles (Jul 5, 2007)

I'm glad the approach works for you, but allowing myself free reign around food just doesn't work for me. I have trigger foods (chips, ice cream, certain cheeses) that wouldn't last 24 hours in my household. I don't know how to balance moderation/excess, trying to attempt a happy medium. Weight doesn't fall off of me either, and currently not happy at my size.


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Jul 5, 2007)

activistfatgirl said:


> I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe its like when the Amish youth have to go into the world before they can commit to the lifestyle.



Rumspringa.

Learned it while watching Amish in the City.


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## activistfatgirl (Jul 5, 2007)

MissToodles said:


> I'm glad the approach works for you, but allowing myself free reign around food just doesn't work for me. I have trigger foods (chips, ice cream, certain cheeses) that wouldn't last 24 hours in my household. I don't know how to balance moderation/excess, trying to attempt a happy medium. Weight doesn't fall off of me either, and currently not happy at my size.



Sure, I'm not advocating that for everyone, just what is more or less working for me now. Good luck, MissToodles!



The Obstreperous Ms. J said:


> Rumspringa.
> 
> Learned it while watching Amish in the City.



Not to get off on a tangent, but I do want to note that I only saw one episode of that, and I loved it. I wish it was on TV as reruns (or is it?!?!)


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Jul 5, 2007)

I honestly don't know how to best contribute to this thread.
I can just say that I understand how it feels to be overwhelmed at times by the need to eat in vast amounts and what triggers that need.

Good luck, chickies. Let us not forget to support and comfort one another.

-J


**Side note to AFG, I don't know if its in reruns or whatever, I saw it a few times cause I was crushin' on the older guy who had the funky Germanic accent. YouTube perhaps?


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jul 5, 2007)

MissToodles said:


> I'm glad the approach works for you, but allowing myself free reign around food just doesn't work for me. I have trigger foods (chips, ice cream, certain cheeses) that wouldn't last 24 hours in my household. I don't know how to balance moderation/excess, trying to attempt a happy medium. Weight doesn't fall off of me either, and currently not happy at my size.



That's me too!!! I have tried to explain it to Mike, but he just doesn't get it. Mars bars in ice cream form are a HUGE trigger for me...and when he buys then I try to explain to him that I can't help but eat ALL of them. He thinks I am mean and actually gets mad when I don't leave him any...I have tried to explain that I cannot live with those things in the freezer...I MUST EAT THEM. 

Thankfully, with my new eating, so far, he hasn't tortured me like that. 

It can't be easy for a FA living with a happy to be fat, fat chick who also has an ED. I give him that, but he should listen when I say I can't help it.


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## ChubbyBlackSista (Jul 13, 2007)

I wouldn't call my eating compulsive because I hide my feelings in food but not anymore I can't help about how much I eat. I mean I can remember when I went to my Church's First Picnic my Mom's friend told me is that all you're going to eat because I was not that hungry that day so i didn't eat much so I went and got some Banana Pudding because they had a lot of desserts but yeah I don't compulsively eat I overeat because I'm hungry


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## steely (Jul 14, 2007)

It is the hardest thing to put into words.I am a compulsive overeater.It's like bulemia but I don't purge.I just keep eating.Not all at one time just constantly.I just don't know when or how to stop.Quite truthfully I don't want to stop.

That is the hardest part,I know I have a problem and I generally know why but I can't stop myself.


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