# Something I've always been curious about...



## JenFromOC (Mar 6, 2009)

So...I've been in the BBW scene for probably 14 years. The first chat room I ever found on AOL was called "Fat and Gaining." I was about 18 years old. It fascinated the hell outta me, but really, I liked it because everyone was so nice. I just chatted casually and never met anyone from the room. My mom and sister gave me grief when they saw me chatting in that room! They just didn't get it. My first serious relationship in my early 20's was with a man who was a glorious 360 lbs when we met...by the time we broke up a few years later...he weighed 430 lbs.

Fast forward a few years...I guess I was about 23 when we split up...

I still couldn't get over my desire to be with a big man. Now, before there were BBW clubs like The Butterfly Lounge and Club Bounce here in Southern Cali, there were parties about 4 times a year. My sister was going to one of the parties and said that she thought I might like the guy that was their bartender. I went to the party and OH MY GOD! He was sexy! About 6' and 350 lbs. mmmmm mmmmm gooooooood! I won my prize that night and we dated for several years. 

I have continued to go to BBW clubs over the years. The BBW that have actually taken 2 seconds to talk to me, treat me with respect. Obviously, I am an FFA and want a big man. I don't want their skinny and/or athletic men! They have never shown any interest in those big, sexy guys so I figure I'm ok, right? Nope. I get dirty looks and nasty comments every time I go. 

Just wondering....why does this happen? LOL That was kind of like baggage that I had to unload....


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## chicken legs (Mar 7, 2009)

idk

you got me

However things got pretty heated around january on the bhm/ffa boards because of that very "thing"


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## Archangel_257 (Mar 7, 2009)

Yeah I think that's a societal "thing." Society frowns upon weight so therefore it frowns upon those who like the culture. But if you aren't following your love, then what the hell are you doing? Life's too short to worry about other people and it's WAY too short to not go for something you love.


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## anybodys (Mar 7, 2009)

(I almost said "just a theory" but then my nerd shoulder angel said "No, no no! A theory is supported by evidence!" and I really have no evidence because it is, as the subject line says, just a hypothesis.)

If the BBWs who go to these clubs are going to them as a safe haven from an outside world where they are treated as less than they are worth, then perhaps seeing a thinner woman-- one who is presumeably treated well and desired in the world at large (no pun intended)-- come into their safe haven may feel like an invasion. 
Maybe some illogical, subconscious impulse is saying to them-- because they have been societally conditioned to believe that thin women are better, prettier, etc. than they are-- that you coming in represents a threat. Instead of thinking, "any of these thin men in here are obviously FA's and want me, not her," they may on some subconscious level be thinking "oh drat, now who's going to look at me when she's here?" Again, I'm sure there are plenty of confident and logically-minded ladies in there, but I'm speaking specifically about the ones who are rude to you. And again, it's probably all on a subconscious level.


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## JenFromOC (Mar 7, 2009)

I just never thought of it that way...I always went there because men didn't really talk to me. I could listen to good music, have a drink or two (or more), and dance like a fool without feeling pressured to meet somebody. You make an excellent point though anybodys...I feel so discriminated against  LOL Of course, I couldn't even get the BHM to talk to me most of the time...they always acted like I was f*ckin' with them or something. I hate that part of being an FFA...I'm always trying to convince those guys that I genuinely think they're sexier than their athletic counterparts :eat2:


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## warwagon86 (Mar 7, 2009)

I would try not to let it bother you. I know obviously if your posting it then it has been playing on your mind and eating away at you.

Im a big man but all my friends are smaller - i dont have problems talking to people. Like for instance when I am out i can talk to anyone anywhere - even if she is a BBW or a good looking skinny girl.

The way i look at things are simple - if people want to talk they will and if people are nice they will be nice. Manners never hurt anyone and my parents always made sure i was brought up to be a gentleman so if people are giving you grief at these parties just walk in with your head held high and talk to the people who do want to talk to you.

Dont let others spoil your fun or block what could or should be with someone else


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## Tracii (Mar 11, 2009)

Jenn that happened a lot back when I played in a band I would check out guys at the bar and at a break I would always pick out the best looking big guy and go and chat him up cause I love big guys.
Well I was maybe 135 lbs and they thought I was playing a prank on them and was "put up" to doing it by others.
Very frustrating to say the least.Hard to meet a guy when they don't think you're seriously interested.


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## JenFromOC (Mar 11, 2009)

Tracii said:


> Jenn that happened a lot back when I played in a band I would check out guys at the bar and at a break I would always pick out the best looking big guy and go and chat him up cause I love big guys.
> Well I was maybe 135 lbs and they thought I was playing a prank on them and was "put up" to doing it by others.
> Very frustrating to say the least.Hard to meet a guy when they don't think you're seriously interested.



That's another gripe that I have LOL. Big guys never think you're serious about being attracted to them. It makes it hard to meet them when you're out because they naturally have this defensive attitude (ok, most, not ALL of them.)


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## Tracii (Mar 11, 2009)

Built in defense thats a good way to put it.
Sad but true.


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## fat hiker (Mar 11, 2009)

JenFromOC said:


> That's another gripe that I have LOL. Big guys never think you're serious about being attracted to them. It makes it hard to meet them when you're out because they naturally have this defensive attitude (ok, most, not ALL of them.)



Yes, as has been quoted elsewhere, we have a built-in defence mechanism that means you cannot possibly find us attractive, not when there are lots of thin guys around. 

You really have to resort to cave woman tactics with we big 'apes' sometimes - bring your club, slap us over the head, and drag us back to your cave if you want us. (OK, OK, if we're really big you have may to enlist a friend or two, or a trailer, for the 'dragging back' part....)

;-)


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## pineapplechertdog (Jun 12, 2011)

yea, its not all that easy and nice to see ladies out there not afraid to approach us big guys. I ran into an exGF, who helped me gain a lot of weight, years later who told me it wouldn't have lasted much longer as I was too big. So I gues the walls go up and life goes on. But not to worry, I found a keeper.


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## Morbid (Jun 12, 2011)

JenFromOC said:


> That's another gripe that I have LOL. Big guys never think you're serious about being attracted to them. It makes it hard to meet them when you're out because they naturally have this defensive attitude (ok, most, not ALL of them.)



as a big man (6'1" 400lbs) I can tell you my expierences as to why my defenses are up most of the time... if other BHMS can relate then they can reply to this... 

It's because we are usually the butt of alot of peoples jokes... They think that just because we're big we're unhealthy, slow, and lazy... I for one am not lazy... it's not like we don't see the pointing and the giggling, hear the names or know all of the "fat" jokes being said between people.. so I put up walls to keep everyone at a safe distance... but what I want / need is for someone to take the time and break these walls and want me for me

all we want is someone who can accept us for who we are, what we are and actually get to know us as men... not big men, not fat men.. but as a MAN in general. we have feelings.. we want to feel loved and hell even worshipped in a way...

in real life I have only been aproached once by a FFA...


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## Morbid (Jun 12, 2011)

pineapplechertdog said:


> yea, its not all that easy and nice to see ladies out there not afraid to approach us big guys. I ran into an exGF, who helped me gain a lot of weight, years later who told me it wouldn't have lasted much longer as I was too big. So I gues the walls go up and life goes on. But not to worry, I found a keeper.




that happened to me also.. I dated a woman once for 6 months.. I thought it was going well untill she broke up with me because I was too fat... I was like HUH?? it's not like it's on there with Velcro.. I had it when you met me..and I actually lost 15 lbs being with her... 

oh well.... I heard shes dating some really skinny guy now...


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## Geodetic_Effect (Jun 12, 2011)

JenFromOC said:


> That's another gripe that I have LOL. Big guys never think you're serious about being attracted to them. It makes it hard to meet them when you're out because they naturally have this defensive attitude (ok, most, not ALL of them.)



You are just hitting on the wrong guys. If it was me, you wouldn't run into that problem.


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## JulieD (Jun 12, 2011)

View attachment pinhead necro2.jpg

what a shame...


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## luvbigfellas (Jun 12, 2011)

You boys just aren't meeting the right girls.


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## blackcaesarbhm (Jun 12, 2011)

There are FFAs hitting clubs in South Florida and picking big fellas.. Especally the clubs along South Beach..


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## Morbid (Jun 12, 2011)

luvbigfellas said:


> You boys just aren't meeting the right girls.



I'd love to meet a right girl


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## luvbigfellas (Jun 12, 2011)

JenFromOC said:


> That's another gripe that I have LOL. Big guys never think you're serious about being attracted to them. It makes it hard to meet them when you're out because they naturally have this defensive attitude (ok, most, not ALL of them.)



A lot of times, I really have to club 'em over the head to make them understand, I LIKE ALL YOUR PARTS...INCLUDING THE BELLY AND MOOBS AND FUPA. If I didn't think you were physically attractive, it's less likely that I'd flirt with you, silly. I mean, it's not all about the physical, but your face and body really are the first things I'm seeing upon meeting you. And generally speaking, if I get my eyes on you, then I'm going to delve a little deeper...and most of the time I uncover someone I definitely mesh with...just friendly or otherwise. 

Just have to get it through your skull that yes, I think you're hot!


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## biglynch (Jun 12, 2011)

Ok dudes im gonna give you a bit of advice. Never ever think that a girl is out of your league. Let her decide that. Honestly next time your at a bar or a club or anywhere dont think about yourself or your size first, just go start a conversation with a few ladies and see how it goes.


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## SanDiega (Jun 13, 2011)

blackcaesarbhm said:


> There are FFAs hitting clubs in South Florida and picking big fellas.. Especally the clubs along South Beach..



Sounds like I need to head to FLA. But seriously, this is a real problem. My current guy, who is like 6'2 350 pounds, told me he thought me flirting with him was a joke until like our third date. It made me so sad.


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## lovelocs (Jun 13, 2011)

SanDiega said:


> Sounds like I need to head to FLA. But seriously, this is a real problem. My current guy, who is like 6'2 350 pounds, told me he thought me flirting with him was a joke until like our third date. It made me so sad.



_Third Date?_ You would have to be a serious prankster to follow it out that far. (Although a sick, sad, part of me imagines a scenario where you marry him, have his kids, and one day during your golden years scream "PSYCH" and run off cackling.) Oh, and BTW, an FFA may not want to come to Wisconsin. Most big men seem to be taken, and happy.


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## Sasquatch! (Jun 13, 2011)

lovelocs said:


> _Third Date?_ You would have to be a serious prankster to follow it out that far. (Although a sick, sad, part of me imagines a scenario where you marry him, have his kids, and one day during your golden years scream "PSYCH" and run off cackling.) Oh, and BTW, an FFA may not want to come to Wisconsin. Most big men seem to be taken, and happy.



As horrible as it sounds, I would applaud such a dedicated prankster.

And can you blame the guy? He's probably spent his life being told X is unattractive. Women are hard enough to figure out when they're "normal".


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## luvbigfellas (Jun 13, 2011)

lovelocs said:


> _Third Date?_ You would have to be a serious prankster to follow it out that far. (Although a sick, sad, part of me imagines a scenario where you marry him, have his kids, and one day during your golden years scream "PSYCH" and run off cackling.) Oh, and BTW, an FFA may not want to come to Wisconsin. Most big men seem to be taken, and happy.



But if any of you BHMs want to end up here...hi!


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## Freedumb (Jun 14, 2011)

biglynch said:


> Ok dudes im gonna give you a bit of advice. Never ever think that a girl is out of your league. Let her decide that. Honestly next time your at a bar or a club or anywhere dont think about yourself or your size first, just go start a conversation with a few ladies and see how it goes.



Exactly, it's never a issue if she's out of your league, but an issue of what she is attracted to. You may very well be sabotaging a potential date just by using that mindset. Confidence is a always ALWAYS a good way to grab a woman's attention, just being yourself and not thinking of yourself as fat or unattractive will always get you further than being a wallflower or trying too hard.


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## FishCharming (Jun 14, 2011)

Freedumb said:


> Exactly, it's never a issue if she's out of your league, but an issue of what she is attracted to. You may very well be sabotaging a potential date just by using that mindset. Confidence is a always ALWAYS a good way to grab a woman's attention, just being yourself and not thinking of yourself as fat or unattractive will always get you further than being a wallflower or trying too hard.



too much confidence can bite you in the ass though. i flirt with everyone and sometimes women (even the ones who know of my flirting habits) get the wrong idea... then you're stuck in an awkward position of explaining to them that you were just having fun... i've never been good at "the let down" speech...


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jun 16, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> too much confidence can bite you in the ass though. i flirt with everyone and sometimes women (even the ones who know of my flirting habits) get the wrong idea... then you're stuck in an awkward position of explaining to them that you were just having fun... i've never been good at "the let down" speech...




yeah i never really understood the flirting for fun.i mean if you flirt with someone you MUST like something about them in that romantic sense or whatever.lol


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## FishCharming (Jun 16, 2011)

HeavyDuty24 said:


> yeah i never really understood the flirting for fun.i mean if you flirt with someone you MUST like something about them in that romantic sense or whatever.lol



well, at work, i started out just flirting with the one girl i thought was super hot. then i noticed that one of the other girls seemed to get bummed that i didnt flirt with her too so i started giving her some flirtyness. then after a while i was just flirting with everyone. it got to the point where the only girl that i wasnt flirting with (the owner's daughter) came up to me and asked why i never flirted with her? she asked if there was something wrong with her, lol. so now i flirt with her too. i dont want anyone to feel bad about themselves. retarded, i know, lol.


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## ConnieLynn (Jun 16, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> well, at work, i started out just flirting with the one girl i thought was super hot. then i noticed that one of the other girls seemed to get bummed that i didnt flirt with her too so i started giving her some flirtyness. then after a while i was just flirting with everyone. it got to the point where the only girl that i wasnt flirting with (the owner's daughter) came up to me and asked why i never flirted with her? she asked if there was something wrong with her, lol. so now i flirt with her too. i dont want anyone to feel bad about themselves. retarded, i know, lol.



I so want to rep you, but I can't! Flirt with the world. Nothing makes a woman's day like a little fun flirting


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Jun 16, 2011)

HeavyDuty24 said:


> yeah i never really understood the flirting for fun.i mean if you flirt with someone you MUST like something about them in that romantic sense or whatever.lol


I don't agree with this at all.lol


ConnieLynn said:


> I so want to rep you, but I can't! Flirt with the world. Nothing makes a woman's day like a little fun flirting



I agree with this completely.  I'm a flirt, women love it. Even though I'm known as a flirt at work, it doesn't stop people from eating it up and feeling good. Even complimenting something as small as someone's earrings and telling them that they just light up the room can make the difference in someone's day.


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## CastingPearls (Jun 16, 2011)

HeavyDuty24 said:


> yeah i never really understood the flirting for fun.i mean if you flirt with someone you MUST like something about them in that romantic sense or whatever.lol


Naaah...flirting just for the sake of it is fun. Dont give it more value than necessary.


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## Sasquatch! (Jun 16, 2011)

A good flirt knows who to flirt with. Bad flirts....now they're ones to look out for.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Jun 16, 2011)

Sasquatch! said:


> A good flirt knows who to flirt with. Bad flirts....now they're ones to look out for.



Where is my "like" button?


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jun 17, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Naaah...flirting just for the sake of it is fun. Dont give it more value than necessary.




yeah but if i flirt with someone,chances are im interested.guess it's just me.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jun 17, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> well, at work, i started out just flirting with the one girl i thought was super hot. then i noticed that one of the other girls seemed to get bummed that i didnt flirt with her too so i started giving her some flirtyness. then after a while i was just flirting with everyone. it got to the point where the only girl that i wasnt flirting with (the owner's daughter) came up to me and asked why i never flirted with her? she asked if there was something wrong with her, lol. so now i flirt with her too. i dont want anyone to feel bad about themselves. retarded, i know, lol.



well i can kinda understand,flirting can be fun,and puts you in a better mood.if a girl flirts with me i will flirt back,but if im the one that initiates the flirt chances are im interested.lol i understand about not making anyone feel bad,but it looks like you locked yourself up there to be the flirt guy.LOL


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jun 17, 2011)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Where is my "like" button?



i think all things should incoporate the like button,one of the best things on facebook.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jun 17, 2011)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> I don't agree with this at all.lol




i mean,i think flirting is fun,it is fun.but it just seems hard to believe a person would be all like "hey you random person,im just going to flirt with you for the heck of it"i don't know seems like they would flirt because something peaked there interest in that person.


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## lovelocs (Jun 17, 2011)

I am not a flirt. I know when and how to reciprocate if someone flirts with me, but if I initiate flirting with a man, it's because I can actually see myself having sex with him at that very moment. I get uncharacteristically raw about it. Needless to say, the only men I don't scare off are kind of...

...intense, shall we say.


Also, make sure the person you're flirting with isn't too hungry. If they are, they're likely to take it just a little too seriously.


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## CastingPearls (Jun 17, 2011)

HeavyDuty24 said:


> i mean,i think flirting is fun,it is fun.but it just seems hard to believe a person would be all like "hey you random person,im just going to flirt with you for the heck of it"i don't know seems like they would flirt because something peaked there interest in that person.


There's a distinction between piquing someone's interest (nice earrings as Hozay mentioned) and feeling romantic (cupcakes and unicorns) as you described in your first comment. 

And yes, it may be difficult for you to understand because it's not natural to you (which is really OK) but to a lot of people all it is IS 'for the heck of it' because sometimes it's just about making someone feel good and not wanting to marry them.


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## ObiWantsU (Jun 17, 2011)

I'll flirt with almost anyone if I'm in the mood to... and I usually am. To the woman in glasses, "Oh hai! I love those glasses. They make you look even smarter as if that were possible. Smart chicks are teh hawt!" To the waiter, "My, aren't you a tall drink of water, but I'll have the sweet tea." To the dog, "Sorry, boy, I left the peanut butter at ho- OH! Yes, go ahead and sniff again if you liked it."

It's just fun and requires practice, practice, practice...


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## FishCharming (Jun 17, 2011)

HeavyDuty24 said:


> well i can kinda understand,flirting can be fun,and puts you in a better mood.if a girl flirts with me i will flirt back,but if im the one that initiates the flirt chances are im interested.lol i understand about not making anyone feel bad,but it looks like you locked yourself up there to be the flirt guy.LOL



oh, i'm totally the flirt guy, lol. a few months ago my mom was in town and stopped into the restaurant to visit with the owner (they're friends) so i brought just about every girl i work with over and introduced each of them as my future wife, lol. my mom responded by asking when i had converted to Mormonism.


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## ConnieLynn (Jun 17, 2011)

HeavyDuty24 said:


> i mean,i think flirting is fun,it is fun.but it just seems hard to believe a person would be all like "hey you random person,im just going to flirt with you for the heck of it"i don't know seems like they would flirt because something peaked there interest in that person.



It's not romance or a come on, it's more of a "hey we are both alive in this grand world, I see you, I acknowledge you, I see your spark of life, let's share a smile" kind of thing. I'll flirt with old men in line at the grocery store, the crotchety woman at the post office, and little kids.


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## biglynch (Jun 17, 2011)

iI work in a casino so as a dealer need to earn tips so I trial all my flirting tactics out at work.


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## luvbigfellas (Jun 17, 2011)

I flirt pretty shamelessly. But generally because there's at least something about them I like. And the degree of flirting increases exponentially if I really, seriously like them and am not just kind doing it 'cause I'm having fun.


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## biglynch (Jun 17, 2011)

flirting is hard work sometimes. if there is one thing i've learned its some peeps have no idea how to act when your flirting with them, thats a tips killer. If i like someone im less flirty and more chatty. Is their a difference? Hmm...


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## Zandoz (Jun 17, 2011)

In real life, absolutely zero ability to flirt...or less. Online very minimal and crude flirt ability...generally only used with ladies who know me relatively well, and I feel will not be creeped out or misinterpreted as being serious, coming from an old married guy.


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## ObiWantsU (Jun 17, 2011)

luvbigfellas said:


> And the degree of flirting increases exponentially if I really, seriously like them and am not just kind doing it 'cause I'm having fun.



This is also fact.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jun 18, 2011)

luvbigfellas said:


> But generally because there's at least something about them I like.




THIS.this is the point i was trying to make.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jun 18, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> There's a distinction between piquing someone's interest (nice earrings as Hozay mentioned) and feeling romantic (cupcakes and unicorns) as you described in your first comment.
> 
> And yes, it may be difficult for you to understand because it's not natural to you (which is really OK) but to a lot of people all it is IS 'for the heck of it' because sometimes it's just about making someone feel good and not wanting to marry them.



i wouldn't say wanting to marry them i would just say it seems like there would be something about that person that peaks your interest making you want to flirt with them.i know flirting is fun,but i won't chose to flirt with someone unless i find something about them i like or am attracted to.that's just me i guess.lol


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## ConnieLynn (Jun 18, 2011)

Zandoz said:


> In real life, absolutely zero ability to flirt...or less. Online very minimal and crude flirt ability...generally only used with ladies who know me relatively well, and I feel will not be creeped out or misinterpreted as being serious, coming from an old married guy.



What? You mean you've been leading me on???


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## JulieD (Jun 18, 2011)

I think there is a difference between friendly flirting, and do-me-now flirting. You can friendly flirt with anyone, its also known as being charming or just simply friendly. Older people love it because it makes them feel younger, younger people love it because it makes them feel older, etc... But there is a huge difference with me flirting with my brothers father-in-law, vs me flirting with the cute guy at the pool...I have no and will never have any intentions with my sis-in-laws father, out side of making him feel comfortable and simply enjoying his company...where as the cute husky guy at the pool...hell yeah I'd do him...

What does piss me off are people who cross the friendly flirt line and know better. Like if you are in a relationship, but you're all do-me-now flirting with someone other then your significant other, no that's not cool...or if you knowingly are do-me-now flirting with someone who is in a relationship and you know it...those people should fuck off, but you can friendly flirt with anyone, and I think everyone should...

There is also the matter of how serious the flirtee takes the flirter, if the flirter is just friendly flirting, but the flirtee takes it as do-me-now flirting...there could be problems, and vice versa...that's why I never take anyone seriously, so when someone does really do-me-now flirt with me, I usually respond with blank stares, then look around (even if I'm the only one there) and ask "who? Me?" I also hate uncomfortable flirting, when your friendly creeper does do-me-now flirting, you obviously are not interested and he just does it even more and more obnoxiously, until the point that everyone in the room feel uncomfortable with his do-me-now antics...ugh...dude, get a clue...no means no...
Ftr, that's one of the many things that make creepers a creeper


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## HDANGEL15 (Jun 18, 2011)

*flirting an excellent subject...if I say so myself. Interestingly (yes its a word, I say it is) enuf....I have a big crush on a CEO in my office bldg...not my *norml* type at all...a/he is an adult (silver haired) b/he is very tall c/he is really fit looking....but he has flirted with me in the parking lot/elevator for 2+ yrs..mostly about my motorcycle.. I needed a reality ck...as my boss was with me last time...when he greeted me with *HEY GF*...when you gonna take me on that bike for a ride........BUT i thought it was just WTF flirting...not 4 reals...

my boss says I need to step up my game...MAKEUP daily *only worn special occasions in my world* and heels..same as makeup..(see above) ...i am contemplating putting a POST IT on his car window to have lunch for reals with me.....to find out *HIS MOTIVES**


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## JulieD (Jun 18, 2011)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *flirting an excellent subject...if I say so myself. Interestingly (yes its a word, I say it is) enuf....I have a big crush on a CEO in my office bldg...not my *norml* type at all...a/he is an adult (silver haired) b/he is very tall c/he is really fit looking....but he has flirted with me in the parking lot/elevator for 2+ yrs..mostly about my motorcycle.. I needed a reality ck...as my boss was with me last time...when he greeted me with *HEY GF*...when you gonna take me on that bike for a ride........BUT i thought it was just WTF flirting...not 4 reals...
> 
> my boss says I need to step up my game...MAKEUP daily *only worn special occasions in my world* and heels..same as makeup..(see above) ...i am contemplating putting a POST IT on his car window to have lunch for reals with me.....to find out *HIS MOTIVES**



Awe, post-it love notes...DO IT!!!!!


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## HDANGEL15 (Jun 18, 2011)

JulieD said:


> Awe, post-it love notes...DO IT!!!!!


*
so its sweet/ cute not creeper? I also could stop in his office and say...wanna do lunch..but might put him on the spot too much.......*


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## JulieD (Jun 18, 2011)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *
> so its sweet/ cute not creeper? I also could stop in his office and say...wanna do lunch..but might put him on the spot too much.......*



Post-it is a little creepy, but I think guys like creepy more then girls...well, they always tell me that they never get any creepers and are a little jealous...maybe a friendly but do-me-now flirty email?


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## HDANGEL15 (Jun 18, 2011)

JulieD said:


> Post-it is a little creepy, but I think guys like creepy more then girls...well, they always tell me that they never get any creepers and are a little jealous...maybe a friendly but do-me-now flirty email?



*Zero interest in DO ME NOW...been there done that...enough to last a lifetime

no idea his email..but if i got it...NOW THAT would be creepy + stalkerish!!!!

LOL*


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## JulieD (Jun 18, 2011)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *Zero interest in DO ME NOW...been there done that...enough to last a lifetime
> 
> no idea his email..but if i got it...NOW THAT would be creepy + stalkerish!!!!
> 
> LOL*



:blink: Lol...I suck at this :doh: um...I guess we are back to post it or on the spot... :huh:


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## CastingPearls (Jun 18, 2011)

I think a post-it with a very brief message would be fine. It will enable him to bow out gracefully if he isn't interested and he won't feel put on the spot unless you WANT to do that. LOL

Good luck either way!


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## FishCharming (Jun 19, 2011)

JulieD said:


> Post-it is a little creepy, but I think guys like creepy more then girls...well, they always tell me that they never get any creepers and are a little jealous...maybe a friendly but do-me-now flirty email?



there's a fine line with me when it comes to creepy women. i seem to attract whackos like flies to shit so if there's just a little too much creeper action i run like a man covered in bees


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## HDANGEL15 (Jun 19, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> there's a fine line with me when it comes to creepy women. i seem to attract whackos like flies to shit so if there's just a little too much creeper action i run like a man covered in bees



*so if you had been flirting/kidding with me at a big office bldg....seeing me like once a month or so getting on//off my bike...and making convo with me and asking me for rides and calling me *HEY GF*.....what would be the best approach for me.....my gf suggested a post-it on his car.....chime in anytime FISH-C*


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## JulieD (Jun 19, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> there's a fine line with me when it comes to creepy women.* i seem to attract whackos* like flies to shit so if there's just a little too much creeper action i run like a man covered in bees



:huh: wonder why?? Oh I remember...:doh:



FishCharming said:


> too much confidence can bite you in the ass though.* i flirt with everyone and sometimes women (even the ones who know of my flirting habits) get the wrong idea*... then you're stuck in an awkward position of explaining to them that you were just having fun... i've never been good at "the let down" speech...


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## FishCharming (Jun 19, 2011)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *so if you had been flirting/kidding with me at a big office bldg....seeing me like once a month or so getting on//off my bike...and making convo with me and asking me for rides and calling me *HEY GF*.....what would be the best approach for me.....my gf suggested a post-it on his car.....chime in anytime FISH-C*



well, first, i'd just like to point out that straight men do not say "hey gf" ...
i'm not saying he's definitely gay, just that you should be prepared. 

secondly, the next time you see him and he comments about a ride tell him sure and hand him your number. if he's not really interested he just wont call you, makes your point perfectly clear without putting him on the spot.


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## HDANGEL15 (Jun 19, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> well, first, i'd just like to point out that straight men do not say "hey gf" ...
> i'm not saying he's definitely gay, just that you should be prepared.
> 
> secondly, the next time you see him and he comments about a ride tell him sure and hand him your number. if he's not really interested he just wont call you, makes your point perfectly clear without putting him on the spot.



*appreciate the feedback....all quite excellent points......but he is a different generation than you...SO HOPING he ain't gay....my gaydar is genearlly pretty on spot....MORE TO BE REVEALED : >*
*
thanks for MANLY feedback * :batting:


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## BigChaz (Jun 19, 2011)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *appreciate the feedback....all quite excellent points......but he is a different generation than you...SO HOPING he ain't gay....my gaydar is genearlly pretty on spot....MORE TO BE REVEALED : >*
> *
> thanks for MANLY feedback * :batting:



Only one way to find out...touch his penis and see what happens.


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## Azrael (Jun 19, 2011)

I'm not a fan of flirting.

I don't flirt and I don't like it when people flirt with me, espescially when they're not in the same circle of friends as I'm in.

When they do flirt I often either find it to be a pain in the ass or I question they're motives as to why.

If they aren't in the same circles that I am generally in and wouldn't be the type of people who usually have interest in me, I question if they're just messing with me or if they're being serious.

Needless to say, there have been cases where it has been legitimate and I didn't even know it and others where they were fooling around when I thought that they may have been serious, so it really just gives me more stress than I need.

If people are not in my circle of friends (even though the person could be in my class for years) I do not want them flirting with me.


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## FishCharming (Jun 19, 2011)

Azrael said:


> I'm not a fan of flirting.
> 
> I don't flirt and I don't like it when people flirt with me, espescially when they're not in the same circle of friends as I'm in.
> 
> ...



i hope you're prepared for a lonely existence...


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## BigChaz (Jun 19, 2011)

Azrael said:


> I'm not a fan of flirting.
> 
> I don't flirt and I don't like it when people flirt with me, espescially when they're not in the same circle of friends as I'm in.
> 
> ...



Celibate by choice, gotcha.


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## CastingPearls (Jun 19, 2011)

Azrael said:


> I'm not a fan of flirting.
> 
> I don't flirt and I don't like it when people flirt with me, espescially when they're not in the same circle of friends as I'm in.
> 
> ...


Your circle of friends better be huge if you expect to only date within it. Do all your friends do the same? That would get pretty incestuous right away (not brother/sister but everyone dating/doing everyone else) not to mention xenophobic. 

EDT. Oh just read your profile. Got it. Carry on.


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## FishCharming (Jun 19, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Your circle of friends better be huge if you expect to only date within it. Do all your friends do the same? That would get pretty incestuous right away (not brother/sister but everyone dating/doing everyone else) not to mention xenophobic.
> 
> EDT. Oh just read your profile. Got it. Carry on.



it says he's 18 but i'm guessing younger. let me give you a piece of advice azreal: why spend so much energy being different? ultimately we're all the same. one day you'll realize it and you'll look back and see that your quest for individuality was nothing but wasted time. go buy some aeropostale t-shirts and hit on a cheerleader, it's good for the soul!


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## Azrael (Jun 19, 2011)

FishCharming said:


> it says he's 18 but i'm guessing younger. let me give you a piece of advice azreal: why spend so much energy being different? ultimately we're all the same. one day you'll realize it and you'll look back and see that your quest for individuality was nothing but wasted time. go buy some aeropostale t-shirts and hit on a cheerleader, it's good for the soul!



I'm not trying to be different its just the way things turned out.
For the most part I've generally not been interested in the usual things and have been the "odd kid".

As far as hitting on cheer leaders go, I'll pass thanks.
We didn't have cheerleaders back in my high school (was relatively small)
and even then I usually require to have an interest in a person before I do anything like that.

your concern is noted.



> Your circle of friends better be huge if you expect to only date within it. Do all your friends do the same? That would get pretty incestuous right away (not brother/sister but everyone dating/doing everyone else) not to mention xenophobic.
> 
> EDT. Oh just read your profile. Got it. Carry on.


No, they don't. They take risks, get to know people and eventually they ask people out and/or get turned down. I do not, I'm afraid of failure. I'll grow out of that eventually but for the moment I'm still a closet case coward, a part of which I'd like to get rid of.

Perhaps I should clarify what I mentioned before.
I do not try to date people who I don't know nor do I actively chase people. If I happen to date someone, it is someone whom I have legitimately fallen for based primarily on their personnality. Now, since the only people who I have really gotten to know and are friendly with end up becoming a part of my group of friends I end up only dating people who are already my friends.

I rarely go to a party and pick up women nor do I go to bars to do that. The only way that would ever happen is if they came across as someone who stood out enough to me that I would feel motivated enough to keep in contact with them.


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## johniav (Jun 20, 2011)

anybodys said:


> (I almost said "just a theory" but then my nerd shoulder angel said "No, no no! A theory is supported by evidence!" and I really have no evidence because it is, as the subject line says, just a hypothesis.)
> 
> If the BBWs who go to these clubs are going to them as a safe haven from an outside world where they are treated as less than they are worth, then perhaps seeing a thinner woman-- one who is presumeably treated well and desired in the world at large (no pun intended)-- come into their safe haven may feel like an invasion.
> Maybe some illogical, subconscious impulse is saying to them-- because they have been societally conditioned to believe that thin women are better, prettier, etc. than they are-- that you coming in represents a threat. Instead of thinking, "any of these thin men in here are obviously FA's and want me, not her," they may on some subconscious level be thinking "oh drat, now who's going to look at me when she's here?" Again, I'm sure there are plenty of confident and logically-minded ladies in there, but I'm speaking specifically about the ones who are rude to you. And again, it's probably all on a subconscious level.



I coudn't agree more.


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## johniav (Jun 20, 2011)

yes, I'm aware that I misspelled couldn't. Sue me to the fullest but please make it speedy.


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## biglynch (Jun 21, 2011)

Azrael said:


> I'm not trying to be different its just the way things turned out.
> For the most part I've generally not been interested in the usual things and have been the "odd kid".
> 
> As far as hitting on cheer leaders go, I'll pass thanks.
> ...



No buddy, you wont with that attitude. You will however make it a shit ton worse. Im sure the people who gave you advice above are wise, honest and experianced people. Try listening to them, you might learn something.

Oh and btw dont bother replying to this why im wrong etc, because if you do you missed the point.


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## luvbigfellas (Jun 23, 2011)

Azrael said:


> I'm not trying to be different its just the way things turned out.
> For the most part I've generally not been interested in the usual things and have been the "odd kid".
> ...I'm afraid of failure. I'll grow out of that eventually but for the moment I'm still a closet case coward, a part of which I'd like to get rid of.



"Odd kid". Noted. Cop out.

"...I'm afraid of failure." Who the hell isn't? Cop out.

You're 18, so I suppose some of this can be forgiven, but there becomes a point where frankly, it doesn't matter. You just have to do something about it.


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## Dromond (Jun 24, 2011)

There are women who like "odd," so that's no obstacle. Being afraid of failure is the killer. Failure is not only an option, it's inevitable. Nobody succeeds every time at everything. I've heard it said that the only person who never fails is the person who never tries, but that in itself is the biggest failure of all.


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## lovelocs (Jun 26, 2011)

Dromond said:


> Failure is not only an option, it's inevitable.



May I use that as my sig?

Also, Azrael is where Azrael is. Grow out of it or not, it's kind of his business.


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## Dromond (Jun 26, 2011)

lovelocs said:


> May I use that as my sig?



Go for it. You don't even have to pay royalties.


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