# The Opposite of Body Dysmorphia



## GoddessNoir (Jul 14, 2007)

So, I'm not sure if this is a problem or not but apparently, I don't see myself as big as other people see me. I've been fat all of my life and I'm okay with who I am. I like myself, I like my body, I think I look down right cute/pretty/hot almost all of the time. There are days when I'm on the "my thighs are too big" or "look at my ugly stomach" band wagon but, all of my thin friends do too so, I don't consider that as not accepting my fat but just what comes along with being a person. When I look in the mirror, I like what I see, I don't see anything majorly wrong with me. Yesterday, I stepped outside of a Lane Bryant, I was wearing a very cute Old Navy dress, this woman looked at me, then my 24 inch calves, her eyes got big and she mouthed the words, "oh my God!", I stared her right in the face, (as I always do when I get such a reaction) and said aloud, in the kindest voice, "Excuse you?" She turned her head in shame. I realize that I was SUPPOSED to hang my head in shame so that she could say what ever she felt she wanted to say but, hell, I like me, and I'll be damned if some one is going to say anything negative about me while I'm within hearing distance. And besides, my outfit was WAY cuter than hers.

All of this is to say, is there a such thing as the opposite of body dysmorphia? Because if there is, I've got it bad.


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## Fyreflyintheskye (Jul 14, 2007)

Your post made me smile and laugh. I have a similar mindset in that I don't realize my size until I have to hold my breath to tie a shoelace or snap a sandal strap, Etc. It doesn't even occur to me unless I am hitting my hips on the sides of seats in an airplane aisle or squeezing to get my thighs, hips, arse, and belly sandwiched into a seat at an old theatre (the oooold ones)... movie theaters (the new ones), luckily, not so much an issue... but, Sister, you are preaching to the choir. It doesn't dawn on me that I'm fat until I bump myself on something because I'm misjudging the depth or until a little kid whispers about "the fat lady" (heehe  ) to their mom. Not fitting into something I could previously wear tends to remind me as well! lol :huh:  In my mind, I'm just an average-sized person.


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## imfree (Jul 14, 2007)

I know exactly what you mean. Even at 420lbs and 5'8" tall, I would feel horribly disfigured if I lost a lot of weight. I absolutely LOVE being this heavy.


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## mossystate (Jul 14, 2007)

Goddess..*L*


Sounds like you have that thing called..healthy self esteem. Unless you are putting on a show for us, you just sound so comfortable with yourself in a real way..not forced or belligerent....NICE!!!!

You, my dear, do not need a label for what you 'have'.


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## Waxwing (Jul 14, 2007)

Goddess, thank you for this wonderfully positive post. We all should feel this way!


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## CrankySpice (Jul 14, 2007)

I think this is quite common, actually. Even when I see photos of myself, I don't see myself as big as others undoubtedly see me. 

You know, an interesting experiment is to make your own body double. Believe me, it is eye-opening! It'll require two people, but it is relatively easy. All you need is a longish snug fitting t-shirt, several rolls of duct tape, card board, and pillow stuffing. Put on the shirt, wrap yourself in duct tape wherever the shirt touches you, cut up the back and remove the shirt, carefully tape up the cut, put a cardboard circle in the neck opening and arm openings, and stuff from the bottom with the pillow filling.

I still haven't finished mine--ran out of duct tape half way through--but even just seeing how big my belly really is around was crazy.

You can also find picture tutorials or instructions by googling duct tape dummy or body double, if you want more specific instructions.


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## SocialbFly (Jul 14, 2007)

i dont see myself as big as i am either, and my nieces dont as well, i will never forget one timewhen the girls were younger (i have twin nieces) one of the nieces tried on one of my sisters skirts...and it didnt fit her, she was soo upset and asked why it didnt fit, me with my lack of tact said, well, you are bigger than your momma, and she was sooo upset and mad, cause she "isnt fat like that" i said honey, indeed you are a big girl, just like the rest of the big girls in this family...she said she absolutely wasnt and that was the end of that....but i will never forget her look of indignation when i said she was a big girl, lol...as if, lol...

so yeah, i dont see myself as anything but tall and big, the words huge, which i am, rarely, if ever cross my mind....(the pic is me and one of my best friends Barb)


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## Keb (Jul 14, 2007)

I know I don't think of myself as being as big as I am. I don't know if I like me the way I am though...I think if I had a choice I'd match my mental ideal, which isn't exactly tiny (maybe a size 12-14?) instead. But yay you for standing up for yourself! The world is losing out by assuming so much about us just because we don't look "average".


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## steely (Jul 14, 2007)

I had the exact opposite as a young person.I was actually average but I thought I was huge.As I got older and bigger I can't see myself as that big.Even though I weigh 424 lbs.

I just can't imagine the rudeness of someone mouthing anything at a complete stranger.Imagine a world where it is acceptable to look at someone super thin and say such a thing.Rudeness knows no bounds.Good for you for standing up for yourself!


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## Emma (Jul 15, 2007)

LMAO I normally think I look dead good (in my head) if I'm on a night out, then I might see a picture of myself and think "oh god, do i really look that big/ugly/messy/manly"


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## bigsexy920 (Jul 15, 2007)

GoddessNoir said:


> And besides, my outfit was WAY cuter than hers.




I LOVE THIS LINE it is so exactly what i would say.


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## LisaInNC (Jul 15, 2007)

You know...I was at the store the other night...and I was leaving...pulled past a car full of kids and the driver said to me..."fat bitch"....Now I am not sure if my reputation preceeds me but I was very close to pulling over and asking him who told?! Seriously though, if I had not been so tired I would have pulled over and embarrassed him in front of his friends. Instead I opted for the universal finger of love. However, next time someone makes such a comment to me, I fully plan on tying them down and cramming cheeseburgers in their mouth while asking "who's the fat bitch now?" Oh yeah...I guess that would still be me.


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## GoddessNoir (Jul 15, 2007)

CrankySpice said:


> I think this is quite common, actually. Even when I see photos of myself, I don't see myself as big as others undoubtedly see me.
> 
> You know, an interesting experiment is to make your own body double. Believe me, it is eye-opening! It'll require two people, but it is relatively easy. All you need is a longish snug fitting t-shirt, several rolls of duct tape, card board, and pillow stuffing. Put on the shirt, wrap yourself in duct tape wherever the shirt touches you, cut up the back and remove the shirt, carefully tape up the cut, put a cardboard circle in the neck opening and arm openings, and stuff from the bottom with the pillow filling.
> 
> ...



I was going to do this as a sewing double but, I lazed out.


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## lemmink (Jul 16, 2007)

CurvyEm said:


> LMAO I normally think I look dead good (in my head) if I'm on a night out, then I might see a picture of myself and think "oh god, do i really look that big/ugly/messy/manly"



Oh, totally.

I can't deal with having other people take photos of me because I end up with at least two extra chins. I swear to god, I don't HAVE more than one chin!!!! They magically appear when the flash goes off.


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## William (Jul 16, 2007)

Hi 

Every time when I am folding my clothes, I have amazed over how big (wide) my pants are!!!

They do not look big when I am wearing them 

William





lemmink said:


> Oh, totally.
> 
> I can't deal with having other people take photos of me because I end up with at least two extra chins. I swear to god, I don't HAVE more than one chin!!!! They magically appear when the flash goes off.


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## Emma (Jul 16, 2007)

William said:


> Hi
> 
> Every time when I am folding my clothes, I have amazed over how big (wide) my pants are!!!
> 
> ...



lol It was even worse when my 110lb mother used to do it at home!


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 16, 2007)

A very interesting article I was reading in a magazine recently was about body image. They had these women standing at a larg chalkbord and they were told to draw a lifesized likeness of themselves on it from head to toe depicting what they think they look like. All but one were thin women and almost all of them drew a picture that wasn't anything like them. Some thought their hips or thighs were too big or they had big arms and drew these charicatures of themselves that depicted almost a totally different person. Each page had a picture of the woman standing next to her drawing and the contrast was really stark. One was an Asian woman who was super tiny but she made her portrait huge. The last woman was a plus sized woman whose picture was the most accurate except her model was shaplier and had a much smaller waist than she. With slack given for bad artistry rarely did anyone have a completely accurate picture of what they looked like that wasn't marred by some kind of dissatisfaction with a part of themselves.


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## Jes (Jul 16, 2007)

This is really true. I definitely think I'm smaller than I am. And when I hang out with larger people, my self-image changes again, because by comparison, I AM smaller. But not smaller than myself! Though, again, sometimes around larger people, I think *I* am the bigger one. Cuckoo.

Years ago, I saw a tv show relating to fitness. Women (average to a bit larger than average) were given pieces of rope and told to make a loop on the ground that matched the size of their waists.

Every single woman made a smaller loop. Much smaller. I don't think it was a 'lying on your drivers' license' thing, since all of the women felt over the weight they wanted to be and were in program to change their fitness level, etc. None seemed ashamed to be there, etc. They were all really amazed at the slippage between the 2 waist sizes. I wonder how many of us (fat OR thin) could take that test and get close to reality?


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## butch (Jul 16, 2007)

I read about a study that suggested that fat women and anorexic women do the same thing-drastically misjudge their size. Fat women, however, did not see themselves as much larger than they were, like anorexics typically do, but much smaller.

Of course studies can be BS, but I did find this interesting because the context in which this study was made was using this information to pathologize fat women's self concepts. You also see this a lot in studies that show that certain groups, like African American women, are less likely to have negative views about the size of their bodies, or are less likely to feel the need to diet and lose weight. One person's healthy self esteem is another persons 'denial,' according to these types of studies, and it is a shame that the psychiatric community would judge a fat woman happy with her size as somehow deluded, but that they would accept that a fat woman hating herself has the 'right attitude' because that is how the rest of society sees fat, as something to hate.

That being said, I do sometimes have a disjunction between my actual size and my real size, but I wonder if part of that has to do with the fact that I don't see enough other people in my daily life at my size range? If most of the people I see on a daily basis are much smaller, and even if I were really vain I wouldn't see images of myself nearly as much as images of my family and friends, then how would my brain work to formulate an image of me? By trying to reconcile my actual size with the plethora of thinner sized bodies that I'm exposed to, I guess. Thus, it would make sense that my mind would trend smaller in conjuring up my mental ideal of what I look like.

Oh man, that sounded much more nerdy than I meant it to, and I'm not even good with visual equations or anything.


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## CrankySpice (Jul 16, 2007)

CurvyEm said:


> lol It was even worse when my 110lb mother used to do it at home!



LOL This makes me laugh. One time, when my kids were much younger, I was folding the laundry and came across a couple pairs of my granny panties. My youngest was watching TV with me, and he pipes up, "What are THOSE?" and I said "My underwear" and he says, "WOW! They look like parachutes!" in that wide-eyed "wow my mom wears parachute underwear" way only a little kid has.


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## GoddessNoir (Jul 16, 2007)

butch said:


> I read about a study that suggested that fat women and anorexic women do the same thing-drastically misjudge their size. Fat women, however, did not see themselves as much larger than they were, like anorexics typically do, but much smaller.
> 
> Of course studies can be BS, but I did find this interesting because the context in which this study was made was using this information to pathologize fat women's self concepts. You also see this a lot in studies that show that certain groups, like African American women, are less likely to have negative views about the size of their bodies, or are less likely to feel the need to diet and lose weight. One person's healthy self esteem is another persons 'denial,' according to these types of studies, and it is a shame that the psychiatric community would judge a fat woman happy with her size as somehow deluded, but that they would accept that a fat woman hating herself has the 'right attitude' because that is how the rest of society sees fat, as something to hate.
> 
> ...



Wow! Very interesting:

1- I AM a black woman and grew up with the, thick, big legs, big butt thing is very sexy.

2- When I see other fat women, I would always ask my cousin (who I was usually with) - "am I her size?" , "do I look like her?" just because I wanted a mental comparison of how people saw me.


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## butch (Jul 16, 2007)

GoddessNoir said:


> Wow! Very interesting:
> 
> 1- I AM a black woman and grew up with the, thick, big legs, big butt thing is very sexy.
> 
> 2- When I see other fat women, I would always ask my cousin (who I was usually with) - "am I her size?" , "do I look like her?" just because I wanted a mental comparison of how people saw me.



I'm glad you found this interesting, GoddessNoir-I was afraid I'd be the only one who found it interesting, too,  

Do you agree that in general other black women feel better about their size than other groups of women? It's something I've written about, so it is very much an interest of mine.


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## GoddessNoir (Jul 16, 2007)

I'm not really sure. I only know SOME Black women (my friends, family, etc.). I have Black friends that harp and cry over their weight even though they are thin, I have friends who are okay with themselves. 

I do notice that on the average, and I am GREATLY generalizing, Black and Latino women tend to be bigger, even when they are thin, than other women, maybe its just the women I know.


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## butch (Jul 16, 2007)

GoddessNoir said:


> I'm not really sure. I only know SOME Black women (my friends, family, etc.). I have Black friends that harp and cry over their weight even though they are thin, I have friends who are okay with themselves.
> 
> I do notice that on the average, and I am GREATLY generalizing, Black and Latino women tend to be bigger, even when they are thin, than other women, maybe its just the women I know.



You make a good point, and one I try to keep in mind, that why do we need to think that a certain group thinks a certain way about fat bodies? I think that is what I find so interesting-the need to generalize over body size. 

As someone who can be placed in an identity group that also gets hit with the label of being 'more accepting' of larger sizes, I find this not to be true in my own experiences, so that's why I like to look closely at what our society is really saying about race, identity, and fat.

Thanks for your response, GoddessNoir, I appreciate it a lot.


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## Miss Vickie (Jul 16, 2007)

GoddessNoir said:


> 2- When I see other fat women, I would always ask my cousin (who I was usually with) - "am I her size?" , "do I look like her?" just because I wanted a mental comparison of how people saw me.



I've done this with my husband -- much to his dismay and chagrin. I really just don't have a good sense of my size. Never have. Usually I thought of myself as much larger than other women, but when I would look at pictures of myself, I'd think, "I'm not THAT big, am I? Holy moley!" Poor Burtimus, hated being put on the spot, but once I explained to him that I was just trying to get a true sense of my size, and that I wasn't making a judgment on myself or anyone else, he was a little more amenable. I think he still thought it was pretty silly, though; guys just don't seem to get as twisted up about stuff like that, do they?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 17, 2007)

You know, I can't help but think that when someone reacts rudely like that, that it's not really about you and how your legs look, but rather more that she probably hates how her own legs look and wouldn't dare wear a short skirt. Methinks someone is envious of you .....


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 17, 2007)

Miss Vickie said:


> I've done this with my husband -- much to his dismay and chagrin. I really just don't have a good sense of my size. Never have. Usually I thought of myself as much larger than other women, but when I would look at pictures of myself, I'd think, "I'm not THAT big, am I? Holy moley!" Poor Burtimus, hated being put on the spot, but once I explained to him that I was just trying to get a true sense of my size, and that I wasn't making a judgment on myself or anyone else, he was a little more amenable. I think he still thought it was pretty silly, though; guys just don't seem to get as twisted up about stuff like that, do they?



lol- I do this too... I also have asked about body shape and such. I really think that what I see in the mirror can be much different than what others see. But then again, over time I have realized that each person can see me quite differently than the next. In the end of it all, I'm starting to realize that how I see myself is the most important view


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 17, 2007)

butch said:


> I'm glad you found this interesting, GoddessNoir-I was afraid I'd be the only one who found it interesting, too,
> 
> Do you agree that in general other black women feel better about their size than other groups of women? It's something I've written about, so it is very much an interest of mine.




One of those night time news shows went into this many years ago. They interviewed black and white women about their attitudes towards weight and self-image. One white lady went into how when she goes out on a date and eats, she is afraid her date will see her belly has gotten bigger. One of the black ladies said that was just flat-out silly. I had to concur. 

Question though: Do more black men prefer heavier women than white men? Like Goddess said in an earlier post, she grew up with bigger butts, thighs being considered more sexy than thin ones- whereas I grew up with "thin is sexier" and bigger is "lacking". 
Social conditioning at work again

Second Question: Is it only white women that "compete" for thinness? As in how they brag about only wearing size two or saying they weigh less than so and so- as if the weight/size factor makes them "better" than another.


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## GoddessNoir (Jul 17, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You know, I can't help but think that when someone reacts rudely like that, that it's not really about you and how your legs look, but rather more that she probably hates how her own legs look and wouldn't dare wear a short skirt. Methinks someone is envious of you .....



My cousin says the same thing. Its more about how that person feels about themselves then seeing big old me wearing arms out/legs out, whatever.


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## GoddessNoir (Jul 17, 2007)

missaf said:


> I haven't had a good sense of my size for a while. When I would go to the doctor, the nurse ALWAYS under guessed my weight on the scale, she'd start 60-100 pounds less than my weight -- and I would thank her -- LOL! She'd look at me and say "You don't weigh that much..." and I'd argue with her, then she'd say "Well honey, you wear it well, because you don't look it!"
> 
> I think being taller has its benefits in that department, though. I'm 5'9 and 320 or so.




Height does have a lot to do with it. I'm also 5'9" and wear a smaller size than I probably should based on my height.


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## GoddessNoir (Jul 17, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> One of those night time news shows went into this many years ago. They interviewed black and white women about their attitudes towards weight and self-image. One white lady went into how when she goes out on a date and eats, she is afraid her date will see her belly has gotten bigger. One of the black ladies said that was just flat-out silly. I had to concur.
> 
> Question though: Do more black men prefer heavier women than white men? Like Goddess said in an earlier post, she grew up with bigger butts, thighs being considered more sexy than thin ones- whereas I grew up with "thin is sexier" and bigger is "lacking".
> Social conditioning at work again
> ...



I don't think its only white women, of course not. I think it an individual/community thing if you will. I was raised in an environment, forget being a Black woman, but by parents who told me I was beautiful, smart, funny, kind so I grew up thinking that. I was told big booties, boobs and legs were hot but big tummies weren't. So, that was my thing. Mind you, I do have a younger cousin who was very anorexic, she only began eating regularly when her parents threatened to take her to a eating disorder facility. Apparently the shame of needing professional help was greater than the shame of a size 6 behind for her.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 17, 2007)

GoddessNoir said:


> I don't think its only white women, of course not. I think it an individual/community thing if you will. I was raised in an environment, forget being a Black woman, but by parents who told me I was beautiful, smart, funny, kind so I grew up thinking that. I was told big booties, boobs and legs were out but big tummies weren't. So, that was my thing. Mind you, I do have a younger cousin who was very anorexic, she only began eating regularly when her parents threatened to take her to a eating disorder facility. Apparently the shame of needing professional help was greater than the shame of a size 6 behind for her.



I have to agree that your home life has a big impact, too. My father constantly told us all we were fat- even before we got that way. (All three of us wound up with eating disorders). My mother was always carrying on something or another about weight and issuing judgments in some form or another against heavier women (I never saw her say much about heavy males that I can recall). Being fat was really 'taboo" in the home I came from and it really affected self-image, and feelings of self-worth. It still amazes me now when I see people doing it to their children.


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## butch (Jul 18, 2007)

I think a lot of other factors come into play besides race when we look at different communities' views about body size. I read a study once that suggested Asian American female teenagers have more eating disordered behavior than even white female teenagers, and that a huge percentage of South Koreans think they're too fat and are trying to lose weight. But what is also interesting is that if you look at Mexican-American populations, there is a slightly higher percentage of fat men than women, but we never talk about how that community is more accepting or prefers fatter male bodies, so why do we do this with only females of certain racial/ethnic groups?

I think it is a complex question, and one I'm trying to figure out, because I think that certain beliefs along these lines perpetrate 'truths' that aren't real, as GoddessNoir astutely points out. Thanks for the discussion, folks!


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## GoddessNoir (Jul 18, 2007)

Hi again Butch  

I think fatter men are more accepted across all racial lines. All of my boyfriends have been nicknamed:

Big Man
Big Guy
Tough Guy
Big Mike, etc. Being bigger as a man to some extent is seen as tough, athletic, a healthy eater, big boned, etc.

I've never been given a cute nickname outside of a relationship or close friends based on my weight. I even had a neighbor who thought she was giving me a complinent gushing over how much weight she thought I lost.  

For the most part, I think the "major" races in America so far have been Black or White, or at least categorized that way. As other racial groups grow larger or are represented more in society their preferences, inclinations, etc. will slide their way into common knowledge pools.

Does that sound correct? It sounds okay as I'm thinking/writing it.


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## butch (Jul 18, 2007)

GoddessNoir said:


> Hi again Butch
> 
> I think fatter men are more accepted across all racial lines. All of my boyfriends have been nicknamed:
> 
> ...



Yes, it all sounds correct,  , and gives me more interesting stuff to think about. I really appreciate your feedback, GoddessNoir!


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## imfree (Jul 18, 2007)

My pastor has been known to, in a pastor kind of loving way, 
call me "Big Dog".


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## Aurora1 (Jul 19, 2007)

Yes, I will admit there have been times in my life when I didn't realize how heavy I had gotten until I saw myself in a picture someone else has taken. My most immediate reaction was like a sort of denial...looking at the picture...trying to get it away from the friend..hehe...and then digressing very quickly to the next thing. lol

Nowadays I know I am fat because....I feel fat, I look fat, I know what size I am wearing and it's no surprise because I know damn well what my diet consists of and above and beyond anything else is the look I see in other people's eyes when they are looking back at me. You just know. You can see the telltale signs, the body language, the facial expression, and it's all in the eyes. I've heard it referred to as double-consciousness...it's when you are aware of yourself and aware of other people's reactions to you by being like hyper alert and perceptive. Look, I'm not a psychologist or anything...obviously, lol...but I really think that I have this condition. lol It has actually caused me to feel like I am having a panic attack sometimes because I can sense other people's disapproval of me and I can feel it running through my mind and like attacking my self confidence and I just get kind of freaked out because ...obviously whatever it is about me that is not pleasing to them...and I always think it is my weight(heaven forbid it was any other reason)...I can't freaking change it...at least not right this very moment that I am feeling uncomfortable and judged and insecure. 

Sometimes I feel like telling people...I know I'm fat!...You think I don't know I'm fat? Well screw you! Maybe...just maybe...I LIKE IT! So there! Soak it in people...get yerself a good long look and soak it in!!! LOL


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## William (Jul 19, 2007)

Hi 

As usual in these conversations I think that it should be mentioned that living as a Fat Guy is not by no means a breeze. A sentiment which is promoted by threads like these which contains nothing but comment after comment about how easy Fat Guys have it. Too much in Fat Acceptance has become "Folklore" and not something that is truly discussed.

William





butch said:


> Yes, it all sounds correct,  , and gives me more interesting stuff to think about. I really appreciate your feedback, GoddessNoir!


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## GoddessNoir (Jul 19, 2007)

William, 

I'm not saying that fat guys have it totally easy. But to an extent, in my small and humble experience, the fat guys that I've known, dated, been around, seem to have it a bit easier, at least in acceptance from other people.


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## William (Jul 19, 2007)

Hi 

No problem, I just spoke up because in Fat Acceptance a person will see many more comments about the acceptability of Fat Men than the experiences of Fat Men. I know that a major cause of this is that few Fat Men come out and share their experiences. Still it is discouraging to see one sided conversations.

William




GoddessNoir said:


> William,
> 
> I'm not saying that fat guys have it totally easy. But to an extent, in my small and humble experience, the fat guys that I've known, dated, been around, seem to have it a bit easier, at least in acceptance from other people.


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## butch (Jul 19, 2007)

William,

Sorry if you felt I was denying the reality of life as a fat man. I don't believe that any fat person has it easy in this world, but I am interested in perceptions that persist about how different groups of fat people are supposed to be more or less fat accepting than others. I think these lines of thinking are ultimately more damaging than helpful, because it ignores the reality that we live in a world that would prefer not to have any fat people at all, period.

So, as GoddessNoir pointed out, it isn't true to think that 'all' black women get more positive feedback and have better self esteem if they're fat then other women, and you've pointed out that not 'all' fat men are accepted with cute nicknames and never feel stigma. We need to be aware of this, and think about ways we can increase self esteem and acceptance for all fat people, and not fall back on thinking there is an imaginary other space where fat people are always thought to be accepted and valued because of their size. We should want that imaginary space to be all-encompassing, not just a small area within our larger culture. All fat people deserve to feel that way, regardless of race, ethnicity, or gender.


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## William (Jul 19, 2007)

Hi Butch

I would say that Fat Men may not be more accepted than Fat Women, but that Fat Women receive the Lion's share of the negativity from being Fat. I think that this is because Women experience more of all types of abuses than Men experience. 

Still Fat Men know where society places them and that is why even on a fat friendly environment such as dimensions Fat Men are wary to include their faces in naked or near naked photos even though many BBWs here do. Also you are far more likely to see a BBW on the beach in a bathing suit than a BHM.

I just feel weird when someone says Fat Men are more accepted then Fat Women and that is all they have to said about Fat Men.

What I have to share on your subject is that I am black and have nieces who are non-identical twins. Their weights are similar but one is much taller. The taller niece is a BBW and the shorter is a SSBBW. The SSBBW does have more body issues even though her Mother and both Grandmas are BBWs, several of her Aunts and Cousins are BBWs. She also grew up in a very fat friendly environment.

I do know that guys find her attractive, especially those that like a very top heavy woman, but once in a while she will think about trying one of those fad diets.

William




butch said:


> William,
> 
> Sorry if you felt I was denying the reality of life as a fat man. I don't believe that any fat person has it easy in this world, but I am interested in perceptions that persist about how different groups of fat people are supposed to be more or less fat accepting than others. I think these lines of thinking are ultimately more damaging than helpful, because it ignores the reality that we live in a world that would prefer not to have any fat people at all, period.
> 
> So, as GoddessNoir pointed out, it isn't true to think that 'all' black women get more positive feedback and have better self esteem if they're fat then other women, and you've pointed out that not 'all' fat men are accepted with cute nicknames and never feel stigma. We need to be aware of this, and think about ways we can increase self esteem and acceptance for all fat people, and not fall back on thinking there is an imaginary other space where fat people are always thought to be accepted and valued because of their size. We should want that imaginary space to be all-encompassing, not just a small area within our larger culture. All fat people deserve to feel that way, regardless of race, ethnicity, or gender.


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