# Plussized Pregnancy.



## Emma

Ok background first. I'm 22, 330lbs, never had regular periods and theres no medical reason been found for it. I don't have PCOS and I have been pregnant before (only slightly, as in a few weeks then lost it) 

We're definatly planning on having children at some point, sooner rather than later and I've got a few questions I wanted to ask. 

Will me being so overweight cut down the chances a lot?
I'm assuming that the lack of and irregular periods will also mean I'm not ovulating often or erratically?
Are the risks of complications much higher?
Is it possible to get pregnant at my size and not miscarry in the very early stages?
On average how long does it take to get pregnant?

If you have been pregnant, are trying to get pregnant or have tried in the past could you tell me your experiences if you're willing?

I'm sure theres lots here I've forgotten, so if you've anything to add feel free. 

Thanks


----------



## HottiMegan

I was 409lbs when i delivered my son. He was born with some birth defects but ALL the specialists told me it had nothing to do with my weight. The pregnancy was pretty easy. I was sick nearly the entire time with morning/day sickness. I didnt have a very fat friendly doctor so he often told me that i would be lucky to carry my baby to 27 weeks. He also never listened to me. Which has since turned into a phobia about doctors for me. I did developed gestational diabetes which sucked ass. I ended up having to be on insulin because the restricted diet made me lose weight rapidly and have ketones like crazy. That wasn't so horrid cuz i could eat more food and not worry about it. 

As for getting pregnant, i wasn't try to get pregnant so i don't know how hard it is to conceive lol I am currently in the start of getting ready to try and conceive. We stopped using protection but I always seem to be not sexy feeling when I'm ovulating. I am VERY regular period wise so i don't know if it would be hard to conceive. If you can tell when you're ovulating, it would help. I always have very tender nipples and get a little tired during that time (sorry if it's too much info!)

The thing about being over weight and pregnant is the high risk of gestational diabetes which can lead to a huge birth weight but then again, most doctors are fat phobic and I'm just repeating what they told me. I was told that there is risk of premature birth and miscarriage and high blood pressure and what have you about being so big. You are so much smaller than i was when i got pregnant. 

I think that's all the info i have in my head. good luck!


----------



## Jon Blaze

All I have to say is: Good luck and I hope your attempts are smooth.


----------



## BeaBea

Hi Em,

I dont have any personal experience but my friend had a baby last year. She's around 300lbs and had reduced fertility due to PCOS. She's not online very often (even less now she has a gorgeous bouncing baby boy to look after!) but she's always recommended this site to other plus size Mums to be - http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/

Hope it helps 

Tracey xx


----------



## FA to the Bone

:kiss2: *Dear BEABEA

My Beloved Girlfriend has also 300 lbs. and We want so much to have a couple of sons someday... So, I always wanted information about pregnancy in this circunstances... Thank You very much for the hint... 
All my Love!!!*


----------



## Brenda

I don't have children but two of my sisters who were rather fat at the time do. They were much heavier than you and had no problems at all.

Brenda


----------



## Sweet Tooth

You'd have to double check with docs on all this, but I'd recommend making sure you're healthy in general before starting down this path. For some docs, that means losing weight [which is often recommended to BBWs], but we know here that you can find a point of good health without being skinny and that point may be higher for you. Little things like eating healthier, not being around smoke, minimizing caffeine [although that's been under debate] can all prep your body for whatever will be in store. If you get pregnant right away, it'll be great for the baby. If you need fertility intervention, it'll help you with the stress you'll be experiencing.

I'd recommend 2 books:

Big Beautiful & Pregnant
http://www.bigbeautifulandpregnant.com/
Seems to be a more non-judgmental book on plus-size pregnancy compared to some, but don't rely on it for full pregnancy info.

Getting Pregnant by Niels H. Lauersen
http://www.nielslauersenmd.org/
This seems to be a very comprehensive book for women of all sizes.

Docs will often want you to try for a year before starting testing or fertility treatments, unless you have an underlying problem like PCOS. Fortunately, you're at a great age for pregnancy, and that'll be a bonus for you.

Good luck!


----------



## Robin Rocks

I was 275 lbs when I got prego and carried full term + a week. I gained 24 lbs and was down 23 a week later. My biggest issue was swelling and that was it. Well, that and then being in labor for 30 hours. For some reason, I wouldn't dialate. Finally, 30 hours later, my beautiful daughter arrived. 16 years later I couldn't ask for a better daughter. (Well maybe when she gets sassy, haha). I got tears in my eyes Saturday evening as she headed off to prom.


----------



## 1300 Class

Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you.


----------



## EtobicokeFA

Good Luck! I hope it goes smoothly for you!


----------



## stan_der_man

I wish you all the luck in the world with your pregnancy. My wife had a baby when she was about 400 lbs and it was a perfectly healthy pregnancy! We did have to go to a furtility doctor, but literally after the first two months treatements (some reasonably priced medication, I forgot what it was...) she became pregnant. She also had irregular periods. Her blood pressure was a bit high before being pregnant, but during the pregnancy her blood pressure actually went down to the point where she went off of her blood pressure meds.

Stan


----------



## Ample Pie

oh, big time best of luck Em.


----------



## BitsyAintMyName

If you were about 10 years older then I'd be worried. My mom had my brother at 37 and her blood pressure went through the roof. She was about 230 before and went to 270. Just follow your doctor's instructions and eat without guilt.  My mom was 22 when I was born and much slimmer yet I was born with 2 birth defects(neither is life threatening, only annoying).


----------



## Miss Vickie

Em I think it's great that you're thinking about this NOW, before you start trying to get pregnant.

Sure it's very possible to get pregnant and carry a pregnancy to term at a higher weight. I see it all the time. While fat women tend to have more complications, I'm not sure how much of that is because of the weight itself, or the perception and treatment of them as "high risk" by their providers. It does seem like I see more hypertension and diabetes in larger women -- but I also see those things in women who are so tiny a stiff wind could blow them down. 

I'd say the most important things to do if you want to get pregnant is:

1) Stop smoking, stop drinking, stop doing drugs. Those things, more than anything, will cause problems with the pregnancy. In my work, I see the results of smoking (increased premature deliveries, placental abruptions and babies coming down off of nicotine who are miserable, screaming, unhappy campers), drinking (memory and mental health issues), and drugs (nothing worse than caring for a poor infant who's detoxing from opiates -- it's scary and sad). So, thinking ahead about caring for your body and for your baby is a great idea. Lots of people can "dodge a bullet" and seem to have healthy pregnancies and gorgeous babies. But your changes of having a healthy babies are increased with healthy diet, good prenatal care, and staying away from toxic substances.

2) See a physician (an endocrinologist, most likely, given your irregular periods) to resolve any hormonal issues that might prevent you from getting, and staying, pregnant. The earlier you get these things under control, the more likely you'll be able to achieve pregnancy, even if you aren't interested in getting pregnant for years. (check out www.soulcysters.com for excellent information about PCOS). PCOS is treatable, but only if you get evaluated, and from what I understand, the earlier the better.

3) Get yourself into the best health of your life BEFORE you get pregnant, if you can. That means building stamina by being active within your fitness level, eating well, taking prenatal vitamins (not necessary but not harmful, and especially folic acid which prevents neural tube birth defects).

Somewhere there is a plus size pregnancy website. I don't have the URL anymore but you can probably google it. KMom is an amazing woman and has culled a LOT of amazing information from her years researching this issue.

Best of luck! I'm pulling for you, Em. Being a mom is the most rewarding thing in my life, certainly a life changing experience!

Oh, I forgot to mention how long it takes to get pregnant. I think the fertility experts don't get involved until you've tried for a year. Some women get pregnant the first cycle they try; others take years. It just depends on .... lots of things. Ovulation, which is hormone driven, how good your fella's swimmers are, and probably lots of other things we don't understand. Unfortunately there's no way to predict but there are ways to increase your chances including some good fertility predictors that are available OTC.


----------



## SocialbFly

I have to echo what Vickie said, that being said, a lot of drugs stay in your system for a while and can actually cause problems later on, up to a year they say (for example...pot), so i would give it some time...plus that gives you lots of extra time to practice...

but you know, the one thing you have to ask yourself is how ready are you....can you support the child, what if you get sick, do you have a support system where you are, one you can trust...what if your baby is sick and you need to work, is there someone you can trust with your baby?? How are you with sleep deprivation?? Have you literally had a child around you for a looooonnnng time, are you ready?? it is hard to be around a screaming child for hours, do you have a support group for yourself?? Can you borrow someones infant for a while and see how you like being around a baby for say, 24 hours (man i gotta say, some of my friends kids, man, that woulda changed my mind)

I know those are some questions not everyone asks, but they should....raising a kid is so hard now days, with the increased stressors in our lives...and i would like to think you have support if you need it, what if your honey and you break up, would you be ok to be a single mom???

all sucky questions...but that being said...see a doc, stay away from chemicals and good luck.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

SocialbFly said:


> I have to echo what Vickie said, that being said, a lot of drugs stay in your system for a while and can actually cause problems later on, up to a year they say (for example...pot), so i would give it some time...plus that gives you lots of extra time to practice...
> 
> but you know, the one thing you have to ask yourself is how ready are you....can you support the child, what if you get sick, do you have a support system where you are, one you can trust...what if your baby is sick and you need to work, is there someone you can trust with your baby?? How are you with sleep deprivation?? Have you literally had a child around you for a looooonnnng time, are you ready?? it is hard to be around a screaming child for hours, do you have a support group for yourself?? Can you borrow someones infant for a while and see how you like being around a baby for say, 24 hours (man i gotta say, some of my friends kids, man, that woulda changed my mind)
> 
> I know those are some questions not everyone asks, but they should....raising a kid is so hard now days, with the increased stressors in our lives...and i would like to think you have support if you need it, what if your honey and you break up, would you be ok to be a single mom???
> 
> all sucky questions...but that being said...see a doc, stay away from chemicals and good luck.




I too agree with what Vickie said....give up smoking, drinking and partying and then try. There is nothing worse than a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome. Growing up we a had foster baby who was addicted to crack cocaine AND fetal alcohol. It's so sad. The alcohol basically causes your baby to be retarded. And because of the crack he would cry and shake until he turned blue in the face. He has constant tummy troubles and the only way to get him to sleep was to sleep with him on my belly. He did show improvement in the 2.5 year we had him. The foster care system is fucked. After 2.5 years and being promised adoption, he was returned to his crack head mamma.

Then there is the severe fetal alcohol baby I took care of. This baby was the biggest challenge of my life. (my mom works, so being the oldest child, I was basically the mom to these kids) Anyways, he was so messed up. He wouldn't eat....he couldn't be around any stimulation ie. light or noise. He couldn't stand to be touched. It was heart breaking. He also had a sever cleft palet which meant special feeding...which is hard in a baby that stiffens up when you hold it. Now take into account that at the same time I was caring for this child, I had his brother who was 2, two other foster children who were 12 and 15 who were handicapped mentally and the 12 year old had CP. I was also caring for twin babies the same age as the foster baby and two toddlers 5 and 4 years old. All on my own. I used to have to get everyone sorted out and leave them so that I could spend time with the alcohol baby. I would lie him on my mom's bed and just lay there with him. I didn't touch him much cos this made him go nuts, but I would just have to lay there so that he knew someone was there. I couldn't have any lights on or he wouldn't sleep for hours on end. It was very sad indeed. The good news is that he got his cleft pallet fixed. He also warmed up to me and started showing signs of improvements. He did improve, but he will always be mentally slow because his mother drank whilst she was pregnant.

I tell you this to beg and plead with you not to drink or party while you are pregnant....that means a whole new lifestyle for you. It's not fair to bring a child into the world already addicted to things and handicapped because of it.

That being said....if you are ready, have fun and good luck. Being pregnant sucks....I was only 8 weeks but I was a raging bitch, lol.

The best birth control I have had is taking care of all those kids by myself at once. It was enough to say "I'm done raising kids" lol. Now I have a step son...which is great...part time kids I can do, lol.


----------



## Krissy12

I was 260 when I got pregnant with my daughter in 2000, but I was extremely sick the first 3 months, so I lost 25 pounds. I was in the hospital quite a bit with that, getting IV fluids and such. After the sickness, I could eat again and gained back 20 of those lbs by the time she was born. 
I ended up having her 4 weeks early, but since her weight was 6 lbs.3 oz. she was a healthy normal baby.

When I had my son in 1995, I was 160 lbs. I developed high blood pressure and had to stay on bedrest for the final 4 weeks of the pregnancy. He was full term and a normal weight as well.

Good luck!


----------



## BeaBea

Miss Vickie said:


> Somewhere there is a plus size pregnancy website. I don't have the URL anymore but you can probably google it. KMom is an amazing woman and has culled a LOT of amazing information from her years researching this issue.



In case anyone missed it this is Kmom's site: http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/

I'm even happier to recommend it now I know it has had Miss Vickie's professional eye cast over it. 

Tracey xx


----------



## Emma

Miss Vickie said:


> I'd say the most important things to do if you want to get pregnant is:
> 
> 1) Stop smoking, stop drinking, stop doing drugs. Those things, more than anything, will cause problems with the pregnancy. In my work, I see the results of smoking (increased premature deliveries, placental abruptions and babies coming down off of nicotine who are miserable, screaming, unhappy campers), drinking (memory and mental health issues), and drugs (nothing worse than caring for a poor infant who's detoxing from opiates -- it's scary and sad). So, thinking ahead about caring for your body and for your baby is a great idea. Lots of people can "dodge a bullet" and seem to have healthy pregnancies and gorgeous babies. But your changes of having a healthy babies are increased with healthy diet, good prenatal care, and staying away from toxic substances.



I don't drink nearly as much as I used to and I'm willing to quit drinking to get pregnant. We're not activly trying at the moment. Just weighing up the pros and cons of the whole thing. From reading what everyone has posted I'm thinking of losing a little weight first. Maybe just about 60lbs but I've read that losing just 10% of your weight can improve your health greatly. As for drugs I'm just a recreational user and it wouldn't be a problem to stop these stone dead if we decided to try and have a baby. The smoking, thats going to be a problem, I'm not too sure if I could give up. But I'd give it a damned good try.


----------



## Emma

SocialbFly said:


> but you know, the one thing you have to ask yourself is how ready are you....can you support the child, what if you get sick, do you have a support system where you are, one you can trust...what if your baby is sick and you need to work, is there someone you can trust with your baby?? How are you with sleep deprivation?? Have you literally had a child around you for a looooonnnng time, are you ready?? it is hard to be around a screaming child for hours, do you have a support group for yourself?? Can you borrow someones infant for a while and see how you like being around a baby for say, 24 hours (man i gotta say, some of my friends kids, man, that woulda changed my mind)



I personally don't work and don't plan to. My other half is in the process of getting a better job now, I'll be back in school in sept and you can get free childcare here if you're in education. I don't have a support system here yet. I'm ok with sleep deprivation and so is my fella. And yes I've had children around me for a very longgggggg time. I used to live with my best friend and her kids for a long time. When I was 14 and she was 17 we brought up her new born baby on our own on a very little amount of money (about $280 a month between 3 of us) I lived with her for about the first year, and have lived with her 2 times more when she had more kids. At that age we didn't have a clue what we were doing and had no one to help us. I've little doubt that I can look after a baby now.


----------



## Emma

Thank you very much everyone for your help. Not much I can say in responce but it's been very very helpful.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

CurvyEm said:


> Thank you very much everyone for your help. Not much I can say in responce but it's been very very helpful.



One thing to add.....when and if you do get yourself knocked up Lemme know....we will have a nice lil baby-shower when the time comes...woohooo. Stupid games and good food...that's what I'm talkin bout!


----------



## Tooz

CurvyEm said:


> The smoking, thats going to be a problem, I'm not too sure if I could give up. But I'd give it a damned good try.



Please don't take this the wrong way, this is not intended to be mean-- this is an advice thread, so I'll give mine.

First off, if you can't give up smoking, you should not try to get pregnant. As previously stated, it can have ill effects on the fetus.

Now, also, if you are going to say, "I don't know if I can do ____, it's going to be a problem," that is not a good mindset to have going into having a child, I think. When you have a child, as far as I can see you live for the child. It's not an issue of "I'll see if I can do it," it's an issue of you just do it because you are responsible for the life of another human. Even if you gave up smoking while you were pregnant, second-hand smoke is horrendous for children. There could be effects from that, too. I would think that if you want a child and fully understand what that means, you also need to be prepared to change yourself, even if it would be exceedingly hard.


----------



## Emma

No offence taken whatsoever. I totally understand where you're coming from but I don't think that just because someone can't give up smoking they shouldn't have a child. I know many many people who smoked while pregnant (my mum included) and I don't know of one that has had a child with a birth defect. By not giving up smoking I meant I don't think I could give up smoking while trying to get pregnant, but I know I'd be much more inclined to do so if I was pregnant.


----------



## Ample Pie

Tooz said:


> Please don't take this the wrong way, this is not intended to be mean-- this is an advice thread, so I'll give mine.
> 
> First off, if you can't give up smoking, you should not try to get pregnant. As previously stated, it can have ill effects on the fetus.
> 
> Now, also, if you are going to say, "I don't know if I can do ____, it's going to be a problem," that is not a good mindset to have going into having a child, I think. When you have a child, as far as I can see you live for the child. It's not an issue of "I'll see if I can do it," it's an issue of you just do it because you are responsible for the life of another human. Even if you gave up smoking while you were pregnant, second-hand smoke is horrendous for children. There could be effects from that, too. I would think that if you want a child and fully understand what that means, you also need to be prepared to change yourself, even if it would be exceedingly hard.



I think this is a good point, personally, and it's the main reason I'm sort of okay with the possibility that I can't have children. I don't think, and I swear I'm only speaking for myself, that I could ever have children unless I knew I was completely willing to do whatever it took to raise them as well and healthily as I could. And there are just things I don't think I could give up--not smoking, because I don't smoke, but other things. 

Still, I really am pulling for you Em in every capacity and I honestly wish you the best of luck, also in every capacity.


----------



## BeaBea

I've just realised we've missed an important aspect of this. You do know you have to have sex, right? 

Tracey xx


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

CurvyEm said:


> No offence taken whatsoever. I totally understand where you're coming from but I don't think that just because someone can't give up smoking they shouldn't have a child. I know many many people who smoked while pregnant (my mum included) and I don't know of one that has had a child with a birth defect. By not giving up smoking I meant I don't think I could give up smoking while trying to get pregnant, but I know I'd be much more inclined to do so if I was pregnant.




My mom smoked with me and I am highly asthmatic..


----------



## Tad

Tooz said:


> Now, also, if you are going to say, "I don't know if I can do ____, it's going to be a problem," that is not a good mindset to have going into having a child, I think. When you have a child, as far as I can see you live for the child. It's not an issue of "I'll see if I can do it," it's an issue of you just do it because you are responsible for the life of another human. Even if you gave up smoking while you were pregnant, second-hand smoke is horrendous for children. There could be effects from that, too. I would think that if you want a child and fully understand what that means, you also need to be prepared to change yourself, even if it would be exceedingly hard.



Id give a yes and no to this. Being a parent obviously means making sacrifices, and it is important to make a priority of the welfare of your child. On the other hand, if only perfect people ever had kids, well, none of us would be here, and none of us would ever have kids. For that matter, both parents could never smoke, move to the most benign environment possible, eat the most pure organic diet, have great levels of folic acid, be thin but not too thin, do yoga daily, and so on and so on, and still not be fertile together, or miscarry, or have kids with a significant disability. There are all sorts of things you can do to minimize the chance of problems and maximize health of baby and mother, but there are no guarantees. Does it make sense to do what you can? Of course! But few people can follow all the advice given (and I suspect some of the advice is contradictory anyway). So at some point you have to accept that you are human, will never achieve perfection, and get on with things.

Obviously kids take a lot of time and energy and attentionand honestly I think for most people it is actually that last that is the hardest sometimes. But part of being a good parent means being as happy and healthy a human being as you can be, and that means that you need to do things for yourself too. If it is all about the kid(s) all the time, Im not sure that is a good message to the kid or good for the parent. Is smoking generally a terrible thing to do to yourself and those around you? Sure. On the other hand, if stepping out the door to smoke part of a cigarette a few times a day is what keeps you from a breakdown or crashing into depression, eh, Id take that trade off.

Regards;

-Ed


----------



## Tooz

Ed, while I agree with you, it's still the parents' duty to do everything they can. To this day, my father only smokes outside, away from the family. He's done it for 23 years. I'd rather he quit, but, well...-_o


----------



## Miss Vickie

CurvyEm said:


> I don't drink nearly as much as I used to and I'm willing to quit drinking to get pregnant. We're not activly trying at the moment. Just weighing up the pros and cons of the whole thing. From reading what everyone has posted I'm thinking of losing a little weight first. Maybe just about 60lbs but I've read that losing just 10% of your weight can improve your health greatly. As for drugs I'm just a recreational user and it wouldn't be a problem to stop these stone dead if we decided to try and have a baby. The smoking, thats going to be a problem, I'm not too sure if I could give up. But I'd give it a damned good try.



Em I'm glad I could help, and I'm really glad you're drinking less and will stop before you get pregnant. I've just seen too many babies (and moms, actually) with FAS. It is a horrible thing and perpetuates because what I see in moms is the same chemical substance abuse which gets passed on to the kid who then does the same thing. Very sad. 

You're right that losing "only" 10 percent can make a big difference. I hate focusing on weight because I think healthy behaviours are more important but you'll probably feel better carrying less weight when you get pregnant since if you're like most women, you'll gain. 

The smoking thing? Yeah, please please stop if you can -- or at the very least cut way down. Birth defects aren't so much an issue (I've only seen one baby with a cardiac defect -- a fatal one -- that was possibly linked to smoking) but placental abruption is. Basically the placenta isn't as effective at a) feeding the baby and b) getting rid of waste products so babies born to smokers are often small and can have IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) so they look wizened, wrinkled and old. Often women will end up inducted, even preterm, because the medicos feel that the baby will do better outside rather than in, and induction is a sucky way to have labor. 

A placental abruption happens when the placenta pulls away from the uterine wall. It's *much* more common in women who smoke and is a true childbirth emergency of the worst kind. Moms can die, babies can die, unless immediate intervention happens because where the placenta was there are open blood vessels and since the uterus has LOTS of big ol' blood vessels a woman can bleed out through her uterus in MINUTES. A small abruption can be handled without necessarily a surgical delivery but a large one means immediate cesarean in order to have a decent outcome. Trust me, Em, you do not want this. Yes, it can happen to anyone but it is way more likely to happen if you smoke.

So if you can cut down or quit, that would be GREAT! But I'd never say to a woman "don't bother getting pregnant unless you can stop smoking" because I still think a woman can be a good mom, even with a horrible nicotine addiction. But I think she'd do even better by her baby by quitting or cutting down smoking.

And there ends my smoking lecture. 

In the meantime, if there is ever anything I can do, please(!!) let me know. Childbirth is both my business and my passion (isn't that a commercial?) and I love it. I'm happy to try to answer any questions you have.


----------



## Emma

Thank you vicky. It's good to have someone who knows their stuff on side after hearing all the scary stuff about the doctors and stuff. I'll be sure to PM you when we're 100% sure on the matter


----------



## Waxwing

Wow, Em, this is very exciting!

I agree that it's so great to think about all these things beforehand. I think that too many people go into pregnancy without much thought at all. 

GOOD LUCK!!!


----------



## GenericGeek

My mum smoked when pregnant with me, and I grew up to have an extremely warped sense of humour.  

Seriously though, Em, while it may seem like the advice you've been given is a very stern, "No More Having Fun, Ever!!!", it's not all *that *bad.
_
It's OK to have (gentle) sex right through the 9th month (practically up until *delivery*, as a matter of fact.)_

I'd guess you might want to prioritize your detoxification process. It all depends on your individual situation, but I tend to think alcohol first, and tobacco/drugs next.

But a drink can trigger a "God, I need a cigarette!" kind of craving, and vice-versa. You are the best judge of your own "vices", after all, and the best to render judgment on the matter. (Ultimately, you are the _only _one with a say here. Or maybe not.)

Your partner needs to quit -- or at least cut way down, too. Smoking in particular really _*fucks *_up sperm production, quality, and motility. He'll be a more fertile turtle when he doesn't taste & smell like... Well, you know.

I lost my mum to cancer when I was 9 years old, and I am sure that if she hadn't smoked, I wouldn't have this hole in my heart that still, many, many years later, misses her deeply. Another good reason to get & stay healthy.


:kiss2: :kiss2: :kiss2: Happy Mother's Day, Em! :kiss2: :kiss2: :kiss2:


----------



## fatgirl33

CurvyEm said:


> By not giving up smoking I meant I don't think I could give up smoking while trying to get pregnant, but I know I'd be much more inclined to do so if I was pregnant.



The "Big Beautiful & Pregnant" book recommended by ST is a very good one, Em. I believe that's the book (might have been another - we read a lot of books when thinking about conceiving!) where I read that, if you already smoke you shoudn't try to quit while pregnant because the shock to the system could harm the baby. If you are expecting to quit it's supposedly better to do it before getting pregnant and allowing the body to stabilize. On the other hand, I don't believe smoking while pregnant has been linked to physical disabilities as much as behavioural problems and learning disabilities, but I'm sure your doctor can explain the risks and how great they may be. The hardest thing about getting pregnant is learning about all the risks (sometimes it seems a wonder than any of us get born!).

What we found when we were having a baby was that weight wasn't the major factor. Samantha and I went to see a fertility doctor, and although Sam was almost 400 lbs and I was over 100 lbs less than that, she was judged a better candidate for the program. She was pregnant after just three sessions and had a wonderful pregnancy. The only time it got dicey was when someone at the hospital got us concerned over the risk of someone her size going through a cezarian - the way they described it was like a horror show. Luckily it wasn't necessary. Make sure you're going to a doctor who isn't telling you to lose weight every time you see him/her!

Best of luck!
Brenda


----------



## Ruby Ripples

edx said:


> Id give a yes and no to this. Being a parent obviously means making sacrifices, and it is important to make a priority of the welfare of your child. On the other hand, if only perfect people ever had kids, well, none of us would be here, and none of us would ever have kids. For that matter, both parents could never smoke, move to the most benign environment possible, eat the most pure organic diet, have great levels of folic acid, be thin but not too thin, do yoga daily, and so on and so on, and still not be fertile together, or miscarry, or have kids with a significant disability. There are all sorts of things you can do to minimize the chance of problems and maximize health of baby and mother, but there are no guarantees. Does it make sense to do what you can? Of course! But few people can follow all the advice given (and I suspect some of the advice is contradictory anyway). So at some point you have to accept that you are human, will never achieve perfection, and get on with things.
> 
> Obviously kids take a lot of time and energy and attentionand honestly I think for most people it is actually that last that is the hardest sometimes. But part of being a good parent means being as happy and healthy a human being as you can be, and that means that you need to do things for yourself too. If it is all about the kid(s) all the time, Im not sure that is a good message to the kid or good for the parent. Is smoking generally a terrible thing to do to yourself and those around you? Sure. On the other hand, if stepping out the door to smoke part of a cigarette a few times a day is what keeps you from a breakdown or crashing into depression, eh, Id take that trade off.
> 
> Regards;
> 
> -Ed




The voice of reason - well said! And of course... a parent!


----------



## Russell Williams

Peggy was 480 lbs when she became pregnant. There were many adventures and missadventures with doctors including a referal to the John's Hopkins high risk preganncy clinic where we were told there was no high risk and that Peggy should have her Baby in Hagerstown. Loretta was full term and tried to come out one foot first so there was a Caesarian with no complication. Peggy delivered about about 440.

Adventures- doctor took Peggys blood pressure and the reading was so high he promptly put her in the hospital where she was monitored hourly and getting readings of things like 140 over 90. She was discharged the next day. 

The next visit to the doctors produced another very high reading and a frighted doctor. At that point I pulled out the large cuff I had purchased and suggested that the doctor try my cuff. Same arm, same doctor, same column of mercury, my cuff= normal blood presssure.

Peggy wanted me always there when she was with the doctor. Doctor was expierenced with woman in sturrips with legs abart. He was not familiar with husband lookind over his shoulder talking notes. 

Dr x was obstertiron. Family doctor later said one day Dr x was walking down the hall of the hospital being very cheery and Family doctor said, "oh by the way, Peggy is pregnant again" Doctor x gasped and got a very worried look on his face. family doctor was teasing.

I had a low sperm count. When Peggy became pregnant family doctor asked, "Who helped?"

And this is just the stuff I still remember from 27 years ago.

Russell Williams


----------



## Waxwing

I hope I'm not being insensitive or rude, but what dangers would being fat pose during a pregnancy? Is it that it's supposedly dangerous for the mother or for the fetus?

I know pretty much nothing about Ye Olde Reproductive Organs, except that I have them.


----------



## TCUBOB

Hey, you didn't try to read some girl's vaginia its rights. So you're already ahead of me......



Waxwing said:


> I hope I'm not being insensitive or rude, but what dangers would being fat pose during a pregnancy? Is it that it's supposedly dangerous for the mother or for the fetus?
> 
> I know pretty much nothing about Ye Olde Reproductive Organs, except that I have them.


----------



## Miss Vickie

Waxwing said:


> I hope I'm not being insensitive or rude, but what dangers would being fat pose during a pregnancy? Is it that it's supposedly dangerous for the mother or for the fetus?
> 
> I know pretty much nothing about Ye Olde Reproductive Organs, except that I have them.



In a nutshell, as I understand it, the thought is that the excess weight taxes the circulatory system (leading to hypertension) and the endocrine system (leading to gestational diabetes). Both are pretty common complications in pregnancy, that can cause problems with mom or baby or both. Kmom's website has the actual research, which I think (the research, not her site) is inconclusive since like most fat research they don't look at lifestyle issues, nor do they look at physician bias against fat people, which I think is a, pun intended, huge issue.

Speaking of which, here's what my doc told me when I was pregnant while "morbidly obese" at 216 pounds: that the vaginal fat (!!!) will prevent a baby from being born, and fat women need assisted deliveries like forceps or vacuum or even cesareans more because of this mechanical issue. Having watched hundreds of women give birth over the years, let me tell you that a human head is way harder than any woman's "vaginal fat". 

Like most of it? It's bullshit.


----------



## Waxwing

Miss Vickie said:


> Speaking of which, here's what my doc told me when I was pregnant while "morbidly obese" at 216 pounds: that the vaginal fat (!!!) will prevent a baby from being born, and fat women need assisted deliveries like forceps or vacuum or even cesareans more because of this mechanical issue. Having watched hundreds of women give birth over the years, let me tell you that a human head is way harder than any woman's "vaginal fat".
> 
> Like most of it? It's bullshit.



Thanks for the explanation!

Vaginal fat. Ah yes. That's just hilariously insane. It's almost as though they're just making things up to scare people.


----------



## BeaBea

Waxwing said:


> Thanks for the explanation!
> 
> Vaginal fat. Ah yes. That's just hilariously insane. It's almost as though they're just making things up to scare people.



Lol, I dont scare easily in plain english. Medical folk need to dress it up in latin to make me afraid. What would it be I wonder... Porkitis of the Pudenda? Actually that sounds kind of cute 

Tracey xx


----------



## Waxwing

BeaBea said:


> Lol, I dont scare easily in plain english. Medical folk need to dress it up in latin to make me afraid. What would it be I wonder... Porkitis of the Pudenda? Actually that sounds kind of cute
> 
> Tracey xx



No, it's Vajayjay Adiposis


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

The risk for me was having to go into surgery. And it wasn't my size perse, it was my shape. A big old apple. And I think a C-section is different that surgery to get rid of an Ectopic. 

That whole experience has scared the shit out me in regards to getting pregnant. Kids I can handle...pregnancy, I'm not so sure anymore. I'm traumatised.

I think you are a fine size to get preggerz Em. I have known several relatives who got pregnant round 300 an had excellent pregnancy's.

Is your man ready to put up with 9 months of hormonal hell? lol. Trust me, you do get a little nuts. 8 weeks along and I was screaming and crying...and I knew I was insane, but I couldn't stop. Just make sure he is ready, lol, that's all I am saying. It can get very very bad and emotional...over hella stupid things, lol.


----------



## PrettyLife

Hi Em. I just had my new baby girl three months ago and I had a very healthy pregnancy. I started at 285 pounds and ended up at 275. My doctor was shocked everytime I'd go in and I'd lose a pound and my blood pressure would be fantastic. I didn't get gestational diabetes or have any other complications. My only complaint was good ol' morning sickness and a hellish delivery but it's all worth it in the end. Don't let being fat stop you from getting preggers.... smoking however... well... I think you've been lectured enough and once you feel that little movement in your belly the decision will be so much easier.


----------



## TraciJo67

CurvyEm said:


> I don't drink nearly as much as I used to and I'm willing to quit drinking to get pregnant. We're not activly trying at the moment. Just weighing up the pros and cons of the whole thing. From reading what everyone has posted I'm thinking of losing a little weight first. Maybe just about 60lbs but I've read that losing just 10% of your weight can improve your health greatly. As for drugs I'm just a recreational user and it wouldn't be a problem to stop these stone dead if we decided to try and have a baby. The smoking, thats going to be a problem, I'm not too sure if I could give up. But I'd give it a damned good try.



If you aren't willing to give up smoking, then you don't deserve a baby. Ditto on the drugs & alcohol. It's not enough to give them up once you find out that you are pregnant -- irreversible damage could be done in the weeks/months before realizing that you are pregnant.


----------



## Waxwing

TraciJo67 said:


> If you aren't willing to give up smoking, then you don't deserve a baby. Ditto on the drugs & alcohol. It's not enough to give them up once you find out that you are pregnant -- irreversible damage could be done in the weeks/months before realizing that you are pregnant.


 
Is all alcohol consumption dangerous for a fetus? I wonder, because even though it's common practice to tell mothers to stop drinking entirely, in France it's considered okay to have a glass of wine now and then. If I were pregnant I'd probably be too paranoid to even take an aspirin, but I'm curious about this. 

And sushi is off limits too, no? it's toxtastic.


----------



## PrettyLife

Waxwing said:


> Is all alcohol consumption dangerous for a fetus? I wonder, because even though it's common practice to tell mothers to stop drinking entirely, in France it's considered okay to have a glass of wine now and then. If I were pregnant I'd probably be too paranoid to even take an aspirin, but I'm curious about this.
> 
> And sushi is off limits too, no? it's toxtastic.



I was told that the odd glass of wine here and there wasn't harmful and in fact drinking beer while breastfeeding helps the milk come in but I was far too paranoid to chance taking anything. As for sushi.... I know some fish is off limits due to mercury levels. Not too sure if that's the case with sushi.


----------



## TraciJo67

Waxwing said:


> Is all alcohol consumption dangerous for a fetus? I wonder, because even though it's common practice to tell mothers to stop drinking entirely, in France it's considered okay to have a glass of wine now and then. If I were pregnant I'd probably be too paranoid to even take an aspirin, but I'm curious about this.
> 
> And sushi is off limits too, no? it's toxtastic.



Waxwing, I'm no expert; I was speaking directly to CurvyEm's situation. I know that she binge drinks, smokes, and uses recreational drugs, as she tends to publicize the fact rather dramatically here at Dims. I cringe at the thought of you getting pregnant, CurvyEm. I know that I could be less blunt in my opinion, but this whole thread just makes me so angry. 

I don't believe that we need to be perfect before having children, but engaging in behaviors that are obviously, measurably harmful to a developing fetus .... just ....


----------



## elle camino

edit: nevermind! answered my own question.


----------



## Waxwing

TraciJo67 said:


> Waxwing, I'm no expert; I was speaking directly to CurvyEm's situation. I know that she binge drinks, smokes, and uses recreational drugs, as she tends to publicize the fact rather dramatically here at Dims. I cringe at the thought of you getting pregnant, CurvyEm. I know that I could be less blunt in my opinion, but this whole thread just makes me so angry.
> 
> I don't believe that we need to be perfect before having children, but engaging in behaviors that are obviously, measurably harmful to a developing fetus .... just ....



Oh, I know, and I wasn't pulling a "cite sources now!" at you.  

I'm someone who has a tendency to binge drink as well, so if I ever became pregnant I would have to totally abstain, rather than risk going too far. It really does require a complete shift in lifestyle.


----------



## Emma

TraciJo67 said:


> If you aren't willing to give up smoking, then you don't deserve a baby. Ditto on the drugs & alcohol. It's not enough to give them up once you find out that you are pregnant -- irreversible damage could be done in the weeks/months before realizing that you are pregnant.



So if I'm not willing to stop smoking before I get pregnant I don't deserve a baby?


----------



## Emma

TraciJo67 said:


> Waxwing, I'm no expert; I was speaking directly to CurvyEm's situation. I know that she binge drinks, smokes, and uses recreational drugs, as she tends to publicize the fact rather dramatically here at Dims. I cringe at the thought of you getting pregnant, CurvyEm. I know that I could be less blunt in my opinion, but this whole thread just makes me so angry.
> 
> I don't believe that we need to be perfect before having children, but engaging in behaviors that are obviously, measurably harmful to a developing fetus .... just ....



I'm quite shocked at this post. I mean theres thousands of crackheads, heroin addicts, child abusers and all sorts of other bad people who have children. I'm not one of those. I'm someone who likes to get drunk once or twice a week (like the majority of other people my age in England) who would totally abstain from it if I was to get pregnant. Does that make me a bad person? I'm not even trying to get pregnant at the moment. I'm finding out all the information. I'm sure most people don't even do that. And as for drugs, in the past 2 months I've done one drug which was LDS. I won't even have a drag on a joint when it's going around now. And let me reinterate I have the choice to put what I want in my body as I am not pregnant, nor am I trying at the moment. I don't see how that makes you angry at all. 

As for the smoking thing, well I guess millions of good people shouldn't be allowed to have a baby and give it a good life because they smoke?


----------



## Tad

TraciJo67 said:


> If you aren't willing to give up smoking, then you don't deserve a baby. Ditto on the drugs & alcohol. It's not enough to give them up once you find out that you are pregnant -- irreversible damage could be done in the weeks/months before realizing that you are pregnant.



This post pissed me off so badly that it took me a bit to figure out which part was bugging me most. It definitely was the phrase deserve to have a baby that was the heart of it, but in the end I guess there are two things that bug me about equally here. 

First of all, the whole concept of deserve to have a baby. You know what, kids are not a gold star you get for passing your life test. Kids happen. These days granted people have more control over it, but accidents do happen, because this is a biological process that we are evolved to give a very high chance of happening. Yes Im glad that some people decide not to have kids because they are not ready for them in some way or another, but coupling deserve and baby just makes me see red. 

Second, who the ***** are you, or anyone else, to decide who deserves to have a baby? If I start expressing myself in more detail here Ill go on for a thousand word rant, so Ill keep this brief: I think what you said was about the most despicable thing Ive seen on this board, and reading it is something that will stick with me and bug me for a very, very, long time. 

No regards on this post.

-Ed


----------



## missaf

Everyone also needs to take a step back and think of the situations many different women are in. I can see, Ed, where Traci's post could make someone mad, but we don't always remember the circumstances to which each of us come from.

If you are unable to have children, seeing someone who can risk irreperable harm to an innocent child through drug, alcohol or even food abuse is a travesty.

If you do have children and never had an issue and you sneaked a cigarette or a wine glass or two, you don't see the pain it can cause to others who don't have your metabolism, and you probably don't see how much it hurts women who can't have that treasured gift to see it endangered.

The risks to a baby, and a mother, of smoking are horrendous, as many women here can tell you. If she could tell you, Vickie could detail the horror stories of premies born, starved of oxygen from their mother's smoking. She could tell you of women with their placentas horribly inflammed and ripping away from the uterine wall too early and causing catastrophic blood loss in the mother. It boils down to how much you want to quite literally endanger the life of your baby and yourself if you smoke or are around second hand smoke while pregnant. I, for one, find it horribly irresponsible to do so, regardless of how hip you are to the age group you're in. A human life is more precious than that.

To quote a very wise Keanu Reeves: "You need a license to drive a car, hell, you even need a license to own a dog, but any idiot can be a father." Sure, Em, you can get pregnant, but it's not a smart choice until you are willing to do what it takes both with your own body, which is would be dedicated to the life-long mission of Mother, and for yourself.


----------



## Emma

edx said:


> Second, who the ***** are you, or anyone else, to decide who deserves to have a baby? If I start expressing myself in more detail here Ill go on for a thousand word rant, so Ill keep this brief: I think what you said was about the most despicable thing Ive seen on this board, and reading it is something that will stick with me and bug me for a very, very, long time.



Hear hear! *Applauds*


----------



## Deepfriedness

I'd rather see a good parent on 20 a day then a bad one whose a non smoker. 

A gross oversimplification, indeed. Lets get the bugger out in the open then eh? 

The attitude on this thread has pissed me off enormously. A *responsible* person comes on for advice, and lookey here... the night of the long knives is upon us. A perfectly innocent question has been turned into some kind of twisted vendetta. It upsets me because there's worse things then being a smoker, but because of the haughty inflexible attitudes of an increasing majority on this board it's some kind of equivilent to being a crack addict. Christ, someone on this thread went so far to say smoking women don't deserve children. I don't care how much bloody rep you have, it doesn't give you a free pass to insult other peoples lifestyles. 

The people who have taken this stance should take a freaking long hard look at themselves before they start vomiting their twisted version of ethical parenthood on the rest of the world. When you start placing moral prerequisites on becoming a parent you end up with state mandated genocide; so i'm *glad* that people don't need a licence to be a parent. Raise your own kids however you want, thats none of my business. 


People smoke while pregnant- get over it. There are shedloads of worse things that happen then a quick ciggie.

I'm off to have a cigarette.


----------



## BeaBea

Em

My heart goes out to every woman when it comes to questions of pregnancy and motherhood. Every decision we make is incredibly difficult and has huge consequences. We all have to make our own choices and deal with the hand that nature dealt us in our own way. We're human, we do the best we can.

TraciJo has been kind enough to share some of her lifes journey with us here through her previous posts and so I think her personal circumstances make her response entirely understandable.

The posts in response to your original request have been overwhelmingly supportive and positive. I understand that you dont like what TraciJo has said but I'm afraid you you did ask. 

Tracey xx


----------



## Emma

I appretiate what she has to say but I'm sure no person would appretiate being told they don't deserve children.

However I know nothing of her past whatsoever. I may have read it in the past but theres so many people here I get them all mixed up.


----------



## nickyuk

I'm just over 300lbs, have had 2 children, no problems at all, the second one couldnt wait to come out, lol, had her on bed at home.


----------



## BeaBea

I know babe, but you asked for experiences. We might be hidden behind our screens and keyboards but we're all real people, and TraciJo has a wealth of real experience. 

Whatever anyone thinks of her opinion, as long as it doesn't breach the Ts&Cs that the Board owner sets up then I think she has a right to express it. 

Lol - I'm not going to respond to this thread anymore, it's edging a bit too close to the 'Park' for my liking and its scary in there 

Tracey xx


----------



## Emma

BeaBea said:


> I know babe, but you asked for experiences. We might be hidden behind our screens and keyboards but we're all real people, and TraciJo has a wealth of real experience.
> 
> Whatever anyone thinks of her opinion, as long as it doesn't breach the Ts&Cs that the Board owner sets up then I think she has a right to express it.
> 
> Lol - I'm not going to respond to this thread anymore, it's edging a bit too close to the 'Park' for my liking and its scary in there
> 
> Tracey xx



Yes we are real people. Thats why it hurts to be told I don't deserve a child.


----------



## missaf

Em, you're not being told you don't deserve children-- the message is that your lifestyle is inordinately dangerous to be having children. There's a big difference between the two.


----------



## Emma

missaf said:


> Em, you're not being told you don't deserve children-- the message is that your lifestyle is inordinately dangerous to be having children. There's a big difference between the two.



Oh god yeah I know that. I would never bring children into the lifestyle I have now, or continue with it if I was pregnant.


----------



## Emma

nickyuk said:


> I'm just over 300lbs, have had 2 children, no problems at all, the second one couldnt wait to come out, lol, had her on bed at home.



Did you have regular periods before you got pregnant?


----------



## missaf

CurvyEm said:


> Oh god yeah I know that. I would never bring children into the lifestyle I have now, or continue with it if I was pregnant.


 
The conversation would even go past being pregnant. Would you go binge drinking with an infant in your life? If you have an energetic toddler, can you pull a 14 hour day without slowing down, or needing to drink to bury the stress? Can you not smoke around a baby for long periods of time? Are you going to breastfeed in order to save money-- can you refrain from smoking while breast feeding?

I think some of this is the root to the objections you're getting here. Not to mention, another good question is "why" you want to have a baby. We can't answer that for you, and we really can't judge your answer, but deep down there has to be a true, fundamental and life-long commitment to not just getting pregnant, but to the job, joy, trial, suffering and blessing that is parenthood. 

To be blunt, getting pregnant is only the beginning. Think long and hard about bringing a life into the world, all the work it will take, and the sacrifice that it is to be mother deserving of being called that. Having a baby isn't just about not being alone anymore, having someone to love, that's only the beginning.


----------



## Emma

missaf said:


> The conversation would even go past being pregnant. Would you go binge drinking with an infant in your life? If you have an energetic toddler, can you pull a 14 hour day without slowing down, or needing to drink to bury the stress? Can you not smoke around a baby for long periods of time? Are you going to breastfeed in order to save money-- can you refrain from smoking while breast feeding?



I've never had a drink to combat stress. I drink when I socialise and to have fun. If I gave up smoking while pregnant I'd probably try and continue that afterwards. If you can give up once theres no point smoking again. But I'm not going to breastfeed. 



> I think some of this is the root to the objections you're getting here. Not to mention, another good question is "why" you want to have a baby. We can't answer that for you, and we really can't judge your answer, but deep down there has to be a true, fundamental and life-long commitment to not just getting pregnant, but to the job, joy, trial, suffering and blessing that is parenthood.
> 
> To be blunt, getting pregnant is only the beginning. Think long and hard about bringing a life into the world, all the work it will take, and the sacrifice that it is to be mother deserving of being called that. Having a baby isn't just about not being alone anymore, having someone to love, that's only the beginning.



I know exactly why I want a baby. I know it's a commitment, but at the moment we're just talking the first step here. I don't even know if I can get pregnant and remain pregnant long enough to give birth to a child. But I wasn't posting here asking about bringing up children. I was posting here asking about getting pregnant. Thats why I never mentioned anything else. I just wanted peoples experiences and whatnot. Not judgement. I don't care if people here have objections thats not going to effect my decision. I never said me having a baby was about not being alone anymore. I'm not alone, I have someone to love and those were never my reasons for wanting a baby. 

Sorry if I sound like I'm getting a bit tetchy here. I posted asking for help and information, which for a while I did. But now it feels like I'm ending up defending myself and my life again. Which is always what happens here.


----------



## BeaBea

CurvyEm said:


> Sorry if I sound like I'm getting a bit tetchy here. I posted asking for help and information, which for a while I did. But now it feels like I'm ending up defending myself and my life again. Which is always what happens here.



I know I said I wouldn't respond, but...

Em, you asked for experiences and that's exactly what you got. This is a subject which it's almost impossible to stay on the fence about so lots of people hold strong and very personal opions about it. Many people here have had wonderful experiences and they shared them with you. A few haven't been so fortunate and you got those as well. 

I'm not judging you, it's your life, but if you only want one side of the story then I respectfully suggest you start off by requesting that we blow sunshine up your ass instead of asking for 'experiences'

Tracey xx


----------



## nickyuk

CurvyEm said:


> Did you have regular periods before you got pregnant?



first child yes, second no, has polsistic ovaries, but everything was fine.


----------



## Emma

nickyuk said:


> first child yes, second no, has polsistic ovaries, but everything was fine.



Ahh. Thanks


----------



## Emma

I don't think I have the energy for this thread anymore. 

I asked for help, and got it for a good while. I got lots of interesting and helpful infomation which I would like to thank people for. But now it's just turning into something not nice.

I'd like to ask that you don't discuss me anymore while I'm not going to be here to defend myself. I'm sorry this thread had to take a bad turn. Didn't want arguments. Just wanted help from people who are older and more experienced than me and who are around my size. I didn't know where else to ask. I could have asked my mother, apart from she's 120lbs and doesn't know anything. I'm sorry once again. Really I am


----------



## mottiemushroom

Good luck Em ... meanwhile, enjoy the practice runs


----------



## Emma

You know.. I said I wouldn't post again because I didn't have the energy and.

I've been sat here fuming.. for hours and hours. Holding back and then sobbing into my boyfriends arms because of what someone has said about me.. 

Until I received a PM about TraciJo67. I've been told that shes upset because she can't have children and she's had to adopt. And now I totally understand why TraciJo67 is so militant about me not smoking. I really understand that if someone has tried so hard to conceive and haven't been able to why they would be angry that someone else would is so 'whatever' about asking questions. 

Soooo I'm sorry if I seemed flippent about the whole situation. I didn't mean to offend you, nor did I know the situation. But I can't base my whole situation around other women.. you know? No offence meant, and none recieved.. I hope? But still how am I to know about everyones situation.. and are we supposed to care? It's not my fault.. you know?


----------



## Donna

Aside from the medical issues that have been discussed (of which I have to agree quitting drugs and alcohol are paramount, quitting smoking and detoxifying your system and developing healthy habits to ensure you are getting all your nutrients from the foods you eat), I also think there are some other practical things to consider. 

I highly recommend parenting classes. A good, well rounded course will cover all the basics and then some and give you some good coping mechanisms for dealing with a new little life taking over your life. Most parenting classes are practical in nature, so take a common sense approach to them and you should do fine. 

I would also strongly suggest you and your partner should have some kind of couples counseling. I am in no way implying there are problems in your relationship. What I am saying is that the added stress of either infertility or fertility can deal a great blow to even a strongly rooted couple. I hate to think you would experience any infertility if your wish is to conceive. That is one of the single most heart breaking experiences a couple must sometimes deal with unfortunately. And the stress from it can break down communication & cause resentment unless the couple is very strong. 

Finally, I recommend financial planning of some kind. You've stated you don't plan to work. Think about what will happen if your partner should, God forbid, leave you. Or he died unexpectedly? What if he were in an accident and couldn't work either? Someone mentioned earlier in this thread about a support structure around you. That was good advice, I think.

Yes, crack whores and drug addicts have babies all the time. Those babies are unplanned. From the sounds of it, your baby will not be unplanned. WHy not make the best of the resources you have and have a solid foundation, both health wise and home wise, to bring the new little life into? And although I completely understand why someone would say a smoker doesn't deserve a child, I also know the pain of not being able to conceive. I hope you take all the advice given in this thread in the spirit in which it was intended. 

Finally, an article from About.com which had some interesting information in it. I hope you agree: http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/preconceptionalhe/a/pregplanning.htm


----------



## Waxwing

CurvyEm said:


> I'm quite shocked at this post. I mean theres thousands of crackheads, heroin addicts, child abusers and all sorts of other bad people who have children. I'm not one of those...


 
When TraciJo posted I didn't get the sense that saying engaging in that behavior at _all makes you unfit to have a child_. I hope I'm interpreting correctly, but I read it as an "if you continue it while you're pregnant" statement. 

Personally I think that you should live life as fully as you can. I'm totally supportive of drinking and drug use, actually. If you're a smart and sane person you can enjoy it all safely before you're pregnant. Why the hell not? I just wanted to clarify my position on it as well. 

You already know you can't do these things while pregnant, but the smoking is a tough one. It would be for me too. If it were as easy as quitting just because you "should", I'd have done it years ago. So I understand your dilemma. 



edx said:


> You know what, kids are not a gold star you get for passing your life test. Kids happen. These days granted people have more control over it, but accidents do happen, because this is a biological process that we are evolved to give a very high chance of happening.


 
I agree with you that there shouldn't be a standardized test for who is fit to be a parent, but kids don't "just happen." Pregnancy can just happen, children you decide to make. You don't have to stay pregnant. 

I'm not actually arguing with you, because I think that your point was good. Just wanted to add that.


----------



## TraciJo67

edx said:


> This post pissed me off so badly that it took me a bit to figure out which part was bugging me most. It definitely was the phrase “deserve to have a baby” that was the heart of it, but in the end I guess there are two things that bug me about equally here.
> 
> First of all, the whole concept of “deserve to have a baby.” You know what, kids are not a gold star you get for passing your life test. Kids happen. These days granted people have more control over it, but accidents do happen, because this is a biological process that we are evolved to give a very high chance of happening. Yes I’m glad that some people decide not to have kids because they are not ready for them in some way or another, but coupling “deserve” and “baby” just makes me see red.
> 
> Second, who the ***** are you, or anyone else, to decide who &#8216;deserves’ to have a baby? If I start expressing myself in more detail here I’ll go on for a thousand word rant, so I’ll keep this brief: I think what you said was about the most despicable thing I’ve seen on this board, and reading it is something that will stick with me and bug me for a very, very, long time.
> 
> No regards on this post.
> 
> -Ed




Unfortunately, Ed, I don't get to decide who deserves to have a baby. I can certainly have an opinion on it, and I've expressed just that. If I were granted the power to decide that, you better believe I'd go nowhere near CurvyEm and her particular lifestyle. I've watched her splash it all over these message boards for more than a year now -- the giddy episodes of uncontrollable binge drinking, the bragging about her recreational drug usage, the party lifestyle & determination not to, basically, lead any kind of responsible life at all. And you know what -- you are right, that is *her* decision to make. But she asked for opinions about getting pregnant. She's not asking about how to get "accidentally" pregnant -- she's specifically requesting tips on increasing her fertility.

I am a Social Worker, but I made a conscious decision not to work with families & children. I felt that it would be too difficult, especially as the years passed, and given my own personal struggles with fertility issues. I knew that I could not be objective about men & women who were leading their own horrifically destructive lifestyles while dragging their children into the bowels of a living hell on earth. But that doesn't mean I haven't seen a thing or two, including one memorable incident when security had to tackle and restrain a very, very pregnant woman who was high on (likely) crack, and was resisting arrest. And while I do not take on cases with children, many of my "single" clients had lost custody of their children due to abuse/neglect. And believe me, when the state steps in and permanently revokes custody, some very, very terrible things had to have happened. 

Em, I am not comparing you to people that I have worked with. The only things I know about your life is what you have shared here. While you are single and unattached, you are free to lead your life as you wish. Nobody here should pass judgment on you. I certainly wasn't the poster child for clean living, especially when I was your age. But I *do* know enough about that lifestyle to make a judgment about your fitness for parenthood. The smoking issue aside (that in itself, a real problem), you very, very obviously just aren't ready for parenthood. I've seen too much of what children born into dysfunctional households become -- my clients. 

BTW, Em -- during a prenatal discussion with an ob/gyn, you will be asked about drug usage. They will be interested in your history for at least ***5 years*** prior to attempting pregnancy, especially for hallucinogenic drugs like LSD. Studies have been done linking autism, schizophrenia, and other birth defects to drug usage even *prior* to pregnancy. 

Finally, I am an ex smoker. I smoked for 15 years, nearly 3 packs a day. I quit more than 4 years ago, although I did fall off the wagon just prior to traveling to Malaysia for adopting Jegan. I know how difficult it is to stop. I had to go through withdrawal again, when I arrived in Malaysia, because I was absolutely determined that I would not raise a baby in a home filled with second-hand smoke. When I am very stressed, I always think of the soothing, calming effect of having a cigarette. What stops me now is that I want to live for my son, and I want him to grow up healthy. While I know there is no guarantee that leading a healthy lifestyle will keep us free of disease, I DO know that smoking WILL cause problems. It is what keeps me from buying a pack and lighting up now.


----------



## ripley

Waxwing said:


> Is all alcohol consumption dangerous for a fetus? I wonder, because even though it's common practice to tell mothers to stop drinking entirely, in France it's considered okay to have a glass of wine now and then. .



National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.


----------



## Waxwing

ripley said:


> National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.



I know it can be horrendous, and I certainly wasn't trying to condone drinking while pregnant. It's moot for me since I'll never have children, but it is interesting.


----------



## Tori DeLuca

I think saying that you dont desrve a child is a little harsh but you need to think of it this way...
ALMOST everything you do/take crosses the placenta. If you dont mind your developing fetus smoking then I suggest you keep on smoking during pregnancy. A developing fetus needs all the help it can get and adding toxins and nicotine into the mix is something a child just does not need. Its not a judgment on you, its fact. Within the first 8 weeks, all vital systems are developed. Why potetnially hamper his/her development? I truly believe that all toxins ( drugs, alcohol, nicotine etc) should be cleaned out of the system PRIOR to conception. We truly dont know all the things that could effect a baby's growth in utero so my feeling is, why add something to the mix that is unecessary. 
I have higher risk pregnancies in general, in fact I cant even see a regular Obstetrician. I must see a neonatologist ( I have a kidney disorder ). I have very rough pregnancies but with the care I receive and the diligence I have with my health I have had all healthy pregnancies even though I was big. I have more issues being uncomfortable than anything due to my size. Knock on wood that every child I have had has been 100% healthy. I couldnt imagine personally smoking ( which raises blood pressure) during trying to conceive. Nicotine has been proven to raise blood pressure which then puts you at risk for pre-ecclampsia ( which you are at a higher risk for anyways due to being overweight)
Em, you are young and relatively healthy I assume. If I could do it all over again I would make sure I was as healthy as I could get to ensure I was doing everything I could to have a healthy baby. That would include eliminating all excess medications ( within reason ), purifying my system of any toxins and strengthening my immune system. Being over weight shouldnt hamper you getting pregnant, although I would defintely see a fertility specialist due to irregular periods. Prenatal vitamins, Omega-3 fatty acids and Folic Acid are always a good thing to start 6 months prior to trying to conceive.

I'd be MORE than happy to pass on more information regarding my personal experiences in private if you'd like. It is a very tough decision to make BUT one that is SOOOOO worth while!

Tori


----------



## ripley

Waxwing said:


> I know it can be horrendous, and I certainly wasn't trying to condone drinking while pregnant. It's moot for me since I'll never have children, but it is interesting.



I misread and thought you meant any drinking...oh well, it's still fitting for the thread I think.


----------



## Waxwing

ripley said:


> I misread and thought you meant any drinking...oh well, it's still fitting for the thread I think.


 
It is fitting, and I actually spent quite a bit of time looking at it when you posted it. If nothing else it reinforces that Huge Responsibility aspect of pregnancy. I don't see how new moms don't scare themselves silly. I would be so afraid to do anything wrong that I'd just fall apart. 

Again, that's why I will limit myself to exorbitant present-buying for my friends' children.


----------



## Missy9579

I have to say that I agree with Traci Jo ( and tried to rep you but it said I must spread some around :-( )

The only things I know of Em are that she comes on the boards and in chat and posts and brags about her excessive drug and alcohol abuse. It doesnt seem as casual as she is trying to make it out here....

Also,,it seems this relationship is rather new, and fast moving. I dont know how long you have been dating but I think only a few months, as you were in chat not long ago talking about being single. Having a baby changes people, and lives. Its not something you should do with someone you have known a short period of time. I know it happens after a night, but to plan a baby with someone you dont know very well...

Having a baby is a HUGE deal. Its not something that should be taken lightly. As it seems to me you are. Maybe more effort and thought should be put into marriage, school and finding a job that will provide for you and your spouse and see how that goes, before you bring a baby into the mix. Babies cost money, they take a lot of time, patience, they cause stress, they bring love, they bring people closer while at the same time, sometimes pushing them apart.

I find it hard to believe that you could just stop doing drugs and drinking tomorrow. Maybe you should try it, and be sure you can do it for 9 months, before becoming pregnant , rather than waiting until you do become pregnant, only to discover you can not give it up. And then the baby suffers.

I had a baby when I was young, pregnant at 17. It was the hardest thing I have ever, and will ever have to do. I wish you could understand the impact it has on a life. Living in an apartment with a friend who has a baby, is not the same thing, nor do I think it prepares you for what parenthood is all about.

I currently work as a nanny, raising 2 beautiful babies. Babies that were adopted, as my boss is unable to have children. These babies were given to them out of love, by parents who know how hard parenting was, as both birth moms have other children. If parenting were such a piece of cake, I think there wouldnt be as many children up for adoption, that there are. Its hard work. Its 24 hours a day. There is no pay. There is no vacation, sick time, or just, time off. Its the most rewarding thing you will ever do. But do it when you are ready.

Do it when you are married, or your relationship is stable and long lasting. When you have financial stability, when you have been off drugs for a year. 

There are so many good points that have been made on this thread, and I hope you take all of them to heart.


----------



## Emma

Yes living in an apartment isn't the same thing. But sharing a room and half of the responcibilities is. When you've managed to do that with both teenagers being under 18 (me under 16 at the time) then you can tell me what I can and can't do. 

I asked for peoples advice on getting pregnant and their experiences. Nothing more. If I want to talk about the future and babies with the man I love and want to find out about things then thats up to me. If I want to get pregnant right now (If I can) then that's up to me. I will not take any more judgement from any one else here. 

The matter is closed. I've had all the information and help I need now. People keep going on and on no matter how many times I've said that this thread is upsetting me which I think is out of order. You know nothing about me, only what I choose to portray here and this place is only a small fragment of my life.


----------



## Paul

The previous post has certainly hit a nerve Em. Why has it brought out such a defensive reaction from you. Please look deep within yourself. Is your defensiveness shown to the previous post arising by the fact that you know what the poster has said about you is or very likely is true.

I am typing this message to you even though you stated the topic is closed. You need to hear what I am going to say.

Are you in a very strong denial about your addictions? The amount of defensiveness shown in response to the previous poster leads me to suspect you are very much in denial. If deep in your heart you can in all honesty say that I have no adiction issues, then fine. But if when you look inward to your heart and there is the smallest feeling that you may have trouble with addiction(s) then please go and get professional help. It doesn't make you a lesser or inferior person to get help for an addiction. People will respect you more, not less, if you admit you need help. Most people, myself included, have great respect for people who admit to and get help for their adictions. YOU SHOULD NOT BE ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT YOUR ADITIONS MAY BE OUT OF CONTROL AND YOU NEED HELP.

Now as to a baby: you have to first prove that you can live drug and ciggarette free (for at least 9 months) before you even attempt to get pregnant!!! The last thing the world needs is another baby born to a druggie. Yes you are a druggie even if you are only a recreational drug user. Now on to more reality->could you live with yourself if you gave birth to a baby harmed by your drug abuse. Have you ever heard a baby only a few hours old who could not stop screaming as it was born drug addicted to the drugs its mother too while she was pregnant. I have! It is horrible. I have a godson who is being raised by his grandmother. He was born unable to walk as a result of drug use by his mother while she was pregnant--his spine never fully developed. He will live his life in a wheel chair. To date he has had over 20 surgeries. His mother could not handle both her addiction and the raising of a severely disabled child so now the grandmother is raing her grandson. This is reality. It cannot be denied.

You may counter this by saying that my godson is an extreme example and nothing would happen to your child if you became prenant since you are ONLY a recreational drug user. This may be true. Now unless you are 110% sure you have your addictions under control before getting pregnant you may be in for a surprize. THERE IS NO SAFE LEVEL OF DRUG OR ALCOHOL USE WHILE PREGNANT!
One night of drinking or drug use while pregnant may harm the baby for the rest of its life. Then again it might not do any harm. Its like rolling the dice--the nuber seven rarely comes up but when it does--wham! and the baby is damaged for life. Em are you willing to roll the dice and take this sort of risk. If so you are not, I repeat not ready to be a parent. Physically you are ready to be a mother, but until you can say for 110% that you have your addictions under control, you ARE NOT ready bo be a parent. Wake up EM and listen to what people are telling you and get help before it is too late and if you refuse to get help please do not bring another life into your world of drugs and alcohol. It is not fair to the child!!!


----------



## Emma

Oh my God Paul. Have you read anything I've said? I said I would never ever drink or take any drug while pregnant. The ONLY thing I've said I might have a problem with is giving up smoking. God I'm even considering losing weight before I get pregnant but no one here is saying that being fat could be harmful to the baby. Nooooo because being fat is alright, isn't it? Because saying that would be anti fat acceptance. I've said I'll try to give up smoking, but it might be an issue. 

I think I need to take a step back from this place for a few days. Since everyone here thinks being a pretty normal college student makes me a drug crazed maniac.


----------



## Paul

Well EM "being a pretty normal college student" doesn't include recreational drug use or being too hungover to attend class the next morning...at least in my books. EM you can run away from the truth and be in denial if you want to be. At the moment it appears the truth is too hard for you to accept. Oh well........O-)


----------



## Emma

Paul said:


> Well EM "being a pretty normal college student" doesn't include recreational drug use or being too hungover to attend class the next morning...at least in my books. EM you can run away from the truth and be in denial if you want to be. At the moment it appears the truth is too hard for you to accept. Oh well........O-)



LOL you're funny.


----------



## mr_nick

Paul said:


> Well EM "being a pretty normal college student" doesn't include recreational drug use or being too hungover to attend class the next morning...at least in my books. EM you can run away from the truth and be in denial if you want to be. At the moment it appears the truth is too hard for you to accept. Oh well........O-)


you obviously haven't met many college students then, either that or you're incredibly naieve. being too hungover to attend class is very common in this country, and it's quite rare to meet anyone who has never tried drugs. em has said that she'll give up drinking and drugs to have a baby, in case you missed that bit, and you seem to have ignored that, why does recreational drug use to you seem to equate with being a bad person? do people not have the right to change? and anyway, what makes you an expert on ems drugs usage? i know better than most on here what kind of things she takes and how often and i can say that she doesn't need help, and she isn't an addict, just enjoys them on occasion. and it's sad about your godson, but em isn't a drug addict, being drug and alcohol free doesnt guarantee that the baby will be healthy, since there are many genetic factors that come in to play which could mean that the baby is not healthy. at the end of the day em came on here for advice about plus-size preganacy, not for preachy rants about what an evil person you think she is. i understand that previous experience has led you to have strong feelings on the issue, but is there really any need for such a personal attack? you obviously have a set view of what em is like but i dont think you can ever judge a person just by what they post online, and you don't know her at all, so you shouldn't be so quick to judge, notice how i didnt get personal, because i know nothing about you, just like you know absolutely nothing about em.


----------



## SamanthaNY

The health and habits of a mother and father are essential when considering risks to a fetus and child. In that respect, this is a useful thread. However - concerns have already been addressed in this case, and answered by CurvyEm, and now mr_nick. They've been given ample information, and to rehashing it any further won't change anything. 

So - please stay on the general topic of plus-sized pregnancy, and away from what has already been discussed about CurvyEm's habits, or the thread will be closed.


----------



## BeaBea

Samantha,

Can we put http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/ into the 'Important Threads' thread? It's a great resource and very well researched.

Thanks - Tracey


----------



## SamanthaNY

The important threads thread (lol) is for threads actually created and living here at Dim. While the page you referenced is indeed good, it would be more suitable for a resource database, where we'd link all sorts of great outside pages. That's not something we have right now, but perhaps in the future (it has been suggested)... 

It's good that you've linked it here though - so anyone researching pregnancy is likely to find it.



ETA: Wait! We've just added a new Health Resources sticky, and I've added your most-excellent link, Tracy... thanks!


----------



## Waxwing

SamanthaNY said:


> So - please stay on the general topic of plus-sized pregnancy, and away from what has already been discussed about CurvyEm's habits, or the thread will be closed.



I'm sorry, I think that I just shouted without listening. 

I will refrain, and talk about only the topic at hand.


----------



## ChubbyBlackSista

Em 
Its good not to work just yet but I wouldn't want to be in that position what if your husband leaves you and then all he's going to say is oh she never worked I paid the Mortgage and everything all she did was take care of the kids well thats good for you if you want to be a Stay at home Mom but I intend on making a living for myself I don't want to be dependant on my Husband to bring home the Pesos. I'm 20 years old and when I'm 25 I want to at least have some more money in the Bank so I can get my own place


----------



## Missy9579

Some of the problems I can remember from my pregnancy being overweight.

I was only 250 pounds when I delivered ( I gained 104 pounds during my pregnancy) So I wasnt even super fat but

The bands they used to hold the monitors on your belly, wouldnt go around my belly. They had to jimmy rig them.

After giving birth they put these mesh/disposable undies on you with a huge pad in them (this WAS 9 years ago, i dunno about now) But the undies didnt fit me..they didnt know what else to do , other than to shove towels between my legs to catch the blood.


----------



## Robin Rocks

I wish I'd mentioned this before when I posted and just never thought about it til reading all these other posts. When I got pregnant, it wasn't planned. My husband (now ex hasbeen) and I actually talked about not having children because we had a fairly carefree lifestyle. We'd just pick up and go somewhere on the weekends a few hours away, just to get away. Anywho, I was a smoker and a partier. My partying was pretty social and recreational but I did it nonetheless. My smoking was a habit and still is. However, when we found out I was pregnant, I did quit smoking and of course, no partying. I only started smoking again after I stopped breastfeeding and it was outside. I still have a happy, healthy 16 year old. (Well mainly happy, you know how teenagers can be with their drama  ).


----------



## Miss Vickie

BigCutieViolet said:


> The bands they used to hold the monitors on your belly, wouldnt go around my belly. They had to jimmy rig them.



Yes, this can be a problem. Also, unfortunately just being bigger makes it harder to monitor a baby so you may be more likely to have internal monitors placed when you get to a place in labor when it's doable. They have to rupture membranes to do that, so the cervix has to be dilated and the baby has to be far enough down so that the umbilical cord won't sneak down ahead of the head and get pinched (called a prolapse), which is very dangerous to the baby. We use these really nice larger soft knit tubes instead of the bands to hold the monitors in place; they stretch pretty far and are a lot more comfortable than those velcro bands. 



> After giving birth they put these mesh/disposable undies on you with a huge pad in them (this WAS 9 years ago, i dunno about now) But the undies didnt fit me..they didnt know what else to do , other than to shove towels between my legs to catch the blood.



Excellent observation, I'd forgotten about that. Yes, the mesh panties don't stretch very far, although you can snip the leg holes bigger, which I've done for my moms. Another more comfortable option would be to bring some nice, comfortable "granny panties" from home to wear after delivery; the pads in the hospital don't have sticky stuff on the back so you need full coverage underwear to hold them in place. This is not the time for thongs, since they wouldn't hold the pads in place, but waist height underwear would work nicely. Just make sure it's underwear you don't care about because the hours and days after birth is a messy, gooey time.


----------



## Missy9579

lol yes, these are all things I would do now,,,especially bringing me some nice stretchy JMS undies!!!

I was just 18 when I gave birth,,,and very uninformed,,,,even though I took the lamaze class (huge waste of money and time) When i was waiting for my mucus plug to fall out, i was looking for something that would come out in the shape of a wine cork. ya know,,,plug shaped lol...

Also, after giving birth, I got a hemroid (i pushed for over 3 hours, and my daughter was 8.9). Except, I didnt know a hemoroid was, and my daughters father told me " Its a huge grape growing out of your ass, and if you sit down, it will pop and hurt like hell" I was in such a panic that it would pop,,i didnt sit without a pillow for a few months lol.....

And THEN i was so paranoid that my stitches would get infected (ya know, how they cut you open and reach on it and pull the baby out) That I spent hours upon hours sitting on the sits bath for my stitches and hemoroid)

and THEN everyone told me labor would suck, but NO ONE warned me about the weeks after giving birth. I could barely walk , ALL of my muscles hurt. Even my face muscles hurt beyond belief, I couldn't do the stairs for a good 2 weeks....it was just torture...I wish I had been WAY better informed about the whole thing.

Wow, as i sit here typing all of this, it sure makes me wonder why I want another one lol


----------



## PrettyLife

So true Violet. Even though I'm 29 I felt very uninformed about what labour and delivery would be. Especially the whole after part. I suffered major baby blues for 2 weeks after... just weeping for no reason at all. Women don't really talk about the whole after stuff eh. It isn't fun.


----------



## Tori DeLuca

PrettyLife said:


> So true Violet. Even though I'm 29 I felt very uninformed about what labour and delivery would be. Especially the whole after part.



I totally agree that we are so uninformed about things. Not ONE person warned me that I might lose feeling in my lower tummy after my C Section. That creeped me out to no end. It took like 2 years for the sensation in my belly to come back


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Lol Ladies- if younger women truly understood ALL the aches, pains and discomforts of pregnancy, birth and recovery, and some of the biological changes it can bring, there would probably be a lot less babies in the world 

Women have done it always so it's called a "natural thing" but no one truly understands it until they live it (one of the reasons I only see female ob/gyn now)


----------



## PrettyLife

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol Ladies- if younger women truly understood ALL the aches, pains and discomforts of pregnancy, birth and recovery, and some of the biological changes it can bring, there would probably be a lot less babies in the world
> 
> Women have done it always so it's called a "natural thing" but no one truly understands it until they live it (one of the reasons I only see female ob/gyn now)



Sooooo true. I just think that it's so amazing how we create life and yet we have such little information about. I really felt in shock after giving birth probably because I had several complications but mostly I think it was because I really didn't realize everything involved afterwards. I don't know about everyone here but I kinda wish my mom had told me more of this stuff before hand. I know I will with my daughter. It kind of feels like it should be kept secret or something. I think we need to break that for our daughters.


----------



## stillblessed23

Russell Williams said:


> Peggy was 480 lbs when she became pregnant. There were many adventures and missadventures with doctors including a referal to the John's Hopkins high risk preganncy clinic where we were told there was no high risk and that Peggy should have her Baby in Hagerstown. Loretta was full term and tried to come out one foot first so there was a Caesarian with no complication. Peggy delivered about about 440
> 
> Russell Williams



Ahhh yeah, A fellow Marylander lol. I am so happy Em started this thread this has been a huge worry for me. I don't want to have children until I get my degree and get married but I definately want them. I have had irregular cycles since I first hit puberty. My doctor says it's because I'm over weight. Part of me wants a second opinion because I was always worried about PSOC but she says at 21 I'm too young to think about it. However she has told me that if I don't loose weight I want be able to have kids when I want to. I truly do feel more informed after reading this thread.


----------



## marriednotdead

I was 376 and had an ectopic pregnancy had had the surgery and had my ob tell me I need not worry about birth control he looked around while there and told me no kids, so the hubby and I mourned but went on with our life. then one year to the date our daughter sarah was born, proves only God really knows only guess from the rest of us. As far as the pregnancy went, no problems except I lost78 pounds before delivery , and the mds were sure I would get diabetes but I did not , had normal vaginal delivery apgars 8 and 9. labor started night before due date and lasted 23 hours. only problem according to my ob was that at six week check up I had gain all the weight back, as far as resources naafa has a great site with lots of great stories from us fat moms


----------



## tinkerbell

Great thread - lots of great information. While I am not planning on trying to get pregnant anytime soon, I do think about it quite a bit.

I just saw my GYN on Friday, and talked to him a bit about it, and he does want me to start taking folic acid now, because there is always that chance that I could become pregnant anytime  

Anyway, thats my little bit of advice - if you are thinking about trying to get pregnant, start taking folic acid before hand (and I'm sure thats already been said... I read through this thread yesterday)


----------



## HottiMegan

I totally agree on the folic acid. My son's genetecist said that ALL child bearing women should take a daily dose of folic acid just in case. He said it prevents sooo many defects. I should get my vitimines again since we're officially trying this cycle. (most women's multivitimines have a pretty high dose of folic acid)


----------



## CuteyChubb

I have been pregnant 3 times over the past 17 years. I have 3 daughters-ages 16, 5 and 18 months. My weight for my last pregnancy was between 350-375 lbs. The last pregnancy was extremely tough. I believe the younger you are, the easier it is. (I'm 36)

I had no problems getting pregnant. In fact, I've fixed it to where I can't have anymore. Yes, the risks are higher. Find yourself a doctor who is not fat-phobic and capable. 

For me, as my daughters are the jewels of my life, they were worth the risks.

Best wishes to you.


----------



## foodee_mom

I am a Mom. Yes I am having fun chasing this boy around . . . but has anyone got roller skates?
I went to an OB/GYN for the first time at 34. I had periods lasting 28+ days and hardly any free days between . . . I had clots and PMS so bad it would be classified as PMDD.
I started at age 12 and had regular periods until high school. As I got older and heavier, the time between periods got longer but I didn't mind - periods meant cramps and I would just curl in a ball and cry. Until I hit 34.
My progesterone level was the only hormone out of whack - it was 20 times what it should have been. No wonder my voice lowered and I grew a beard (I still fight that and it just laughs at creams to remove it and too deep for waxing so where did I put my tweezers?). They checked and my uterus is tilted and that the overies are not too enlarged (PCOS). I was put on birth control for the first time ever. After a misadventure and surgery, I went back to work and there was my future hubby so glad to see me back. We married later that year (I threw the BC away after only being on it a year) and started trying but my periods started going bonkers. So my OB/GYN said get back on them for 3 months then start trying (9th day after, every other day, etc) and started pre-natal vitamins. I got off of the BC and had my period in February and I was pregnant by next month. I was 37 and I weighed 295 pounds.
Wentr back to the OB/GYN and got the Q&A session about genetic problems in the familt and such. Most he could tell the answer from our faces - since we didn't know about it, we didn't have to worry about them since we would have known about them. Some I remember reading about and still knew our families didn't have it. No hemophilia (free bleeder) or such. We are both mixed Nationalities with a bit of Cherokee and Comanche from my side.
I had a load of blood taken and I was monitored closely. It seems it was just a little extra TLC. I had normal BP and I passed all the other tests with flying colors (when he was going "everything looks perfect" I was just beaming!) no gestatational diabetes or anything.
I did have major stress during that time and shortly after I passed the 35 week milestone (and 335 lbs) my Mom died. She had had MS since diagnosed in 1980 and breast cancer too. Her funeral was on my 37th birthday.  I went into labor two weeks later. My water broke at 10:45am. We got to the hospital at noon and we settled in. Around 3 pm the pain got so bad I asked for the epidural. But I found out since it wasn't prepaid I couldn't get one. My OB/GYN was out of town, but one partner I had a chance to see during my pregnancy was there. He undoubtedly went and chewed on the docs. but he came and checked me and it was too late to get one. I was ready to push and at 3:46 my *little* boy was born. He weighed 4lbs 9oz. He went to the NICU due to breathing problems. But he was transferred to the PICU and after 10 days the little guy came home.
He is now a energetic 6 year old. I need to have his hearing rechecked and he requires speech therapy (won't form the sounds with his mouth and gets in a hurry) but he thrives. He is 4 foot tall and he is 98 pounds of muscle. Yes, he is heavy and he gets it from both sides but I am showing him good foods and no junk food in the kitchen. He is my carrot and salad eater.


----------

