# Relationships



## 1love_emily (Sep 30, 2013)

I think there should be a thread where we can ask questions about dating and relationships. Because I'm dating/talking to/friends with this boy and I have no idea what's going on.


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## AuntHen (Sep 30, 2013)

Ok Emily. 
What is bothering you? Is this boy online or local or ?


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## 1love_emily (Sep 30, 2013)

It's both online and in real life.. Okay - here's the story.

We met on POF and talked for WEEKS. We were very honest and open and had a good time talking. Right from the get-go he told me that his best friend was his ex. I saw no issue with it, as who am I to judge. Anyways, after talking for maybe 2 weeks, we met for dinner and a concert with a group of friends including his ex, his exes new beau, and some friends of his ex (M doesn't have very many friends around my town because he's from Wyoming originally). 
Concert/dinner went great, we chatted and enjoyed music, and agreed to meet up again. A similar group of friends, including M and I met up for a stroll through a park. We talked more and had a really nice time. 

Then Monday he tells me he only saw me as a friend? I was really bummed because I was finally to be hopeful that there would be someone out there better for me than my ex. M insisted that we should be friends and that he would be hurt if we weren't friends. I told him straight up that it would probably be harder for me to be friends after being rejected like that, but that I would try. On Tuesday he texts me throughout the day, trying to be "nice" or "supportive". Basically I call him out about how much it hurt me. Then he said that he only made that decision because he was feeling hurt by his ex already having a new beau after only breaking up 20 days ago. He said he regretted that decision and wanted to try dating me again. I said sure, because I can understand how he would be feeling. 

So we've been texting all day every day for the past week, but when I asked him to hang out this weekend, he wouldn't respond to my requests. When I asked him why he said it was because he didn't know what we could do together. 

I don't know what to think. I don't know if he's worth pursuing or if I should just give up. 
I really like him. His ex/best friend really likes me and thinks we're perfect for each other. And there's crazy chemistry. Or at least I think so...


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## AuntHen (Sep 30, 2013)

I think he gave you a good indication of what is going on...

He probably likes you and is attracted, etc but it sounds like he still has feelings for his ex and until he deals with/is over that, it would probably be best for you to back off.

I know that may be hard but he has to be ready to date emotionally and it doesn't sound like he is. You then may end up a rebound and you don't deserve that. You deserve someone with a free heart.


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## BigCutieLaurel (Sep 30, 2013)

I'm going to be honest and say that if you pursue this I think you're going to end up getting more hurt. He obviously has feelings for his ex and that is no surprise considering they only broke of 20 days ago. I wouldn't even be friends with him, if you like him then it's only going to be hard for you. I'm sorry if this isn't really what you want to hear. But I can only see this ending in heartache.


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## loopytheone (Oct 1, 2013)

I agree with the other ladies here, you need to get as far away from that situation as possible or you are going to end up getting hurt. The guy himself is hurting and is on the rebound and you will be a fill in for his ex at best. And the reason his ex is so supportive is likely because she feels guilty for upsetting him rather than anything else. You haven't known this person long enough to form an emotional connection so cut your losses and try again elsewhere.


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## waldo (Oct 3, 2013)

Excuse the intrusion from a lowly male member of the species, but Emily I was so inspired by reading your post on the Dimensions 19 years later thread that I feel compelled to respond here. The fact that the guy said his 'ex is his best friend' coupled with the fact their romantic relationship just ended very recently (or went on hiatus?) is a HUGE red flag IMHO.

It seems you are in college, and it is important not to let something like this overly distract you from your studies. My thought would be to put him on the back-burner (meaning minimal contact if any) and maybe revisit the situation in the spring. Better yet, they don't call it "Plenty of Fish" for nothing; so look for someone with less (hopefully) baggage. Best Wishes


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## Saoirse (Oct 3, 2013)

He sounds like an idiot. Lose his number and get on with life.



I know you will probably ignore every piece of advice in this thread and continue to let him mess with you. How do I know this? Because I am just like you. 

You want love and romance and someone to be there to tell you how wonderful you are. You want it so bad that you are willing to let some stupid guy toy with your feelings. Sometimes its great and you feel a connection. But then things get crazy and frustrating and you will want that love and happiness even more so YOU WILL GIVE MORE. But it will not help.

The ONLY way you will be truly happy and fulfilled is when you love yourself.

I am in a weird situation as well. Met a cute, intelligent, friendly guy through a friend. I found his email, sent him my # and so began over 2 years of heartache and misery- and we were never actually a couple.

There where signs that he was unstable and shady as fuck. A few months into our friendship (yes we had sex), I got an email from his ex(?). She had a lot to say, none of it good. I told him and he gave me some excuse about her being jealous. I continued to hang out with him and things continued to get weird. Then one day we had a fight and he threatened to kill me. We stopped talking to me for a week, sent me a message like nothing had happened and wanted to see me. I KNEW that I shouldve stopped it right there, but I gave in. I craved love and affection and attention, because I did not love myself.

Our relationship went on like that for 2 years. He threatened my life several times. He posted a raunchy ad on Craigslist and listed my cell and work phone numbers. He spit on me, called me all sorts of disgusting names and the part that hurt the most was that he kept saying he loved me. And I kept on believing him.

I was so weak. I thought I loved him. But Im realizing that I loved the man he was a very small percentage of the the time we spent together. I told him how badly I wanted to be with him, I wanted us to be a couple and live together. But commitment was something he refused to give me.

We just had another big fight and he blocked me on Facebook. It was a big, albeit short relief. He's unblocked me and sent a message, still pretending that nothing is wrong. Im trying my fucking hardest to ignore him because HES NOT WORTH IT.

Please please please read the book The Four Agreements by Miguel Ángel Ruiz. It will help you so so so much.

The Four Agreements are:
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Dont take anything personally.
- Dont make assumptions.
- Always do your best.

Theres more explanation in the book and you feel transformed just by reading it. Please LOVE YOURSELF.


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## 1love_emily (Oct 3, 2013)

We've ended it. 

I told him that I just can't be second place, I need someone who thinks I'm a winner.

No friendship, no relationship, none of that silliness with that flakey boy.


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## waldo (Oct 3, 2013)

Saoirse said:


> He sounds like an idiot. Lose his number and get on with life.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



WOW! I think I would nominate that for Dimensions post of the year. Sounds like a good book.

And on a lighter note, I thought for a while you were a guy what with the pictures of the M16s in your avatar and all. A woman who is into firearms - very sexy (in that regard, my wife has a permit to carry concealed but she never does).


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## loopytheone (Oct 4, 2013)

1love_emily said:


> We've ended it.
> 
> I told him that I just can't be second place, I need someone who thinks I'm a winner.
> 
> No friendship, no relationship, none of that silliness with that flakey boy.



Good for you. You are a strong lady and that is a good decision.


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## AuntHen (Oct 4, 2013)

waldo said:


> WOW! I think I would nominate that for Dimensions post of the year. Sounds like a good book.
> 
> And on a lighter note, I thought for a while you were a guy what with the pictures of the M16s in your avatar and all. *A woman who is into firearms - very sexy (in that regard, my wife has a permit to carry concealed but she never does)*.



unnecessary, please see the forum rules



loopytheone said:


> Good for you. You are a strong lady and that is a good decision.



agreed


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## waldo (Oct 4, 2013)

fat9276 said:


> unnecessary, please see the forum rules



Whoops :doh: My apologies for including that bit of inappropriate content:blush:
<slinks away with tail between legs>


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## aztecprinc3ss (Oct 18, 2013)

There is just no winning in these situations.


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## 1love_emily (Oct 18, 2013)

Good news everyone!
That boy and I decided to cease any and all relationship. And as I was accepting that I didn't want a relationship until I meet the right guy, I met the right guy.

So I'm dating someone who really likes me now


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## loopytheone (Oct 23, 2013)

1love_emily said:


> Good news everyone!
> That boy and I decided to cease any and all relationship. And as I was accepting that I didn't want a relationship until I meet the right guy, I met the right guy.
> 
> So I'm dating someone who really likes me now



Good for you! =D


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## Gingembre (Oct 23, 2013)

1love_emily said:


> Good news everyone!
> That boy and I decided to cease any and all relationship. And as I was accepting that I didn't want a relationship until I meet the right guy, I met the right guy.
> 
> So I'm dating someone who really likes me now



Congrats!




loopytheone said:


> Good for you! =D



How is/was your trip to Canada??


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## loopytheone (Oct 23, 2013)

Gingembre said:


> How is/was your trip to Canada??



It was absolutely incredible, thank you for asking!  I didn't get to see much of the sights but the sight of my boyfriend more than made up for that! It was thanksgiving whilst I was over there as well and I have seen thanksgiving before so that was fun!


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## Gingembre (Oct 23, 2013)

loopytheone said:


> It was absolutely incredible, thank you for asking!  I didn't get to see much of the sights but the sight of my boyfriend more than made up for that! It was thanksgiving whilst I was over there as well and I have seen thanksgiving before so that was fun!



Sounds like fun. Glad you had a good time


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## Tad (Oct 23, 2013)

Sounds like you had plenty to give thanks for, on that trip! Glad it went well, Loopy. Maybe next time you'll be able to come up for air and play tourist a bit more (.....or not!)


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## loopytheone (Oct 23, 2013)

Tad said:


> Sounds like you had plenty to give thanks for, on that trip! Glad it went well, Loopy. Maybe next time you'll be able to come up for air and play tourist a bit more (.....or not!)



Thanks Tad! I tried to rep you in thanks but it wouldn't let me! From what I saw Canada is a beautiful country though!


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