# Secret Eater?



## Iamaunicorn (Apr 19, 2013)

I have this issue where I am embarrassed to eat in front of people. For some reason I feel that as a fat person I should not eat in front of others. I know that this is entirely fucked up and makes absolutely no sense but I will say "I'm not hungry" when I am out with a group of people/coworkers. I have to feel very very comfortable with people before I will eat in front of them. I have no idea where this stems from but I have become somewhat of a secret eater. I will literally wait until I get home just so that I can eat alone and not feel judged. As odd as it sounds I am starting to think that the first part of accepting and loving myself is eating in front of others and not feeling embarrassed or apologetic. Like instead of forcing myself to order a salad so that I can be the "acceptable fat girl who's trying to lose weight" if I want a burger I should just order the damn burger and feel ok about it. I think it's odd how many emotions I associate with food. What human being should feel guilty or ashamed about eating? 

Do any of you have this issue or is it just me? How much therapy do you think I need? LOL


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## Dmitra (Apr 19, 2013)

It's a perfectly reasonable to be uncomfortable eating in front of strangers given our fat hating culture. Random people feel free to share their dislike/contempt/patronization of our bodies -- why not our food choices and consumption? I think we forget how intimate an act eating is. We're vulnerable to begin with consuming in public and, for any person with bonus negative issues attached to food, it can sometimes feel like you're parading around naked in front of snarky teenagers.

I've been relatively relaxed about public consumption but have had bouts of secret eating and feigning 'not hungry' in front of witnesses. I worked pretty hard on changing my relationship with food, letting myself eat whatever, whenever. As I let unbridled enjoyment and satiation guide me, food became less of an enemy to struggle against. This in turn helped reduce the stress of eating around other, potentially hostile, people.

There's always the possibility it's an inherent fear against sharing precious edibles with people we're not related to ("nature versus nurture") but humans in general seem to be pretty terrible at basic survival instincts. 

So, I don't think this particular problem demands therapy. It might be helpful to start off like you said, with a socially acceptable diet-y type good fat girl salad and work on the comfort level. Just let yourself eat. Everyone has to and it is everyone's right to. 




Iamaunicorn said:


> I have this issue where I am embarrassed to eat in front of people. For some reason I feel that as a fat person I should not eat in front of others. I know that this is entirely fucked up and makes absolutely no sense but I will say "I'm not hungry" when I am out with a group of people/coworkers. I have to feel very very comfortable with people before I will eat in front of them. I have no idea where this stems from but I have become somewhat of a secret eater. I will literally wait until I get home just so that I can eat alone and not feel judged. As odd as it sounds I am starting to think that the first part of accepting and loving myself is eating in front of others and not feeling embarrassed or apologetic. Like instead of forcing myself to order a salad so that I can be the "acceptable fat girl who's trying to lose weight" if I want a burger I should just order the damn burger and feel ok about it. I think it's odd how many emotions I associate with food. What human being should feel guilty or ashamed about eating?
> 
> Do any of you have this issue or is it just me? How much therapy do you think I need? LOL


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## ecogeek (Apr 19, 2013)

I find this act to be very similar to the situation of any woman going out and only having a salad. Pretty sure that 90% of these women do not live on only salad, yet when around friends it is all they will order. 

I don't generally like to eat around people I do not know either. However, around a group of friends or people I trust and it's on. No salad included.


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## loopytheone (Apr 20, 2013)

I used to have that problem an awful lot to the point where I would make myself ill missing meals if I was out all day or hide in toilets to eat. I have become a lot more self accepting now and will eat in front of people now, though I am a still anxious about eating a lot in front of people. I can't give you any advice on how to overcome it, sadly, other than to try and not worry about it. As you get stronger in time you will become for comfortable eating in front of people and you wont even notice it happening, I am sure of that.


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## Iamaunicorn (Apr 20, 2013)

Aww thanks for the comments ladies!! I actually ate a veggie burger in front of some coworkers today. It felt a little weird but boy was it good! :eat1: I guess I am still a work in progress. I have a lot of strange food related issues that I am still trying to work through but I have a feeling that this forum is going to help a lot! Thanks again!


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## oceanmachine (Apr 28, 2013)

I have a, shall we say special friend (awkward situation, she's polyamorous etc) who is quite a big girl, though she prefers to be blunt about it and say that she is fat. She doesn't like eating in front of people, even less so in front of people she likes. I've seen her eat in front of me, and she is getting better with it, because she is slowly starting to get into fat acceptance. But she still struggles with it, especially if she is being watched. Personally, I don't sit there and watch women eat. We went for a subway when I was passing through London recently, and we met up just for a bite to eat. I was too consumed in my own food to even notice she was eating her food. 

So, in short, you're not alone with feeling like you can't eat in front of people. But, there is hope for you to be able to overcome it. You shouldn't feel like you are being shunned from eating in public because of your size. People who say that fat people shouldn't eat, at least in public, clearly either have a sociological problem, or no grasp on what malnutrition is


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## katherine22 (May 5, 2013)

As a treat, I have gone to a haute cuisine restaurant alone and ate at the bar - the world did not come to an end. I love to watch large women eat and have the confidence to indulge themselves.


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## CarlaSixx (May 5, 2013)

I used to have that problem. And in fact, would go into panic attacks at the idea of having to eat in public. But I worked on it, alone, doing therapy things. And now if I'm hungry, I'm gonna frikkin eat! 

It does take awhile to get out of this. The only way I was able to get out of it was to find a diner that was still open past high-time for lunch, but would be empty of people besides employees. By the time I'd go in to eat, the employees were too busy in the back cleaning from the lunch time, so they won't come out and see me eating, and then no other clients came in, either. Slowly this made me more comfortable. Then I started bringing a friend with me. Then we started going a bit earlier, and now... I'm unstoppable! :happy: So to speak. lol.


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