# Let's Talk Depression



## BubbleButtBabe (Jun 18, 2007)

I am not talking about the "I feel blue for a couple of days" stuff,I am talking the all out, blown up like a beach ball depression..You know the one that keeps you in a funk for months and you are either not eating or trying to eat the house down..

I once had a psychologist tell me that since I was gaining weight I was not depressed,even tho my regular MD had me on Zoloft..I argued with her that people that are angry and gain weight can be just as depressed as the, can't eat,loosing weight counterparts..

My Grandmother on my Father's side suffered from depression and it seems to have just found it's way down the gene highway to me as well..Plus I have had 6 surgeries on my arms and 2 on my shoulder and I am still in a lot of freakin pain,that adds to it..I am not one to be in a deep funk for long,I tend to go the other way more..I get angry and I get angry very fast..Doesn't take me but a bat of an eyelash to tell someone off..Sometimes I feel bad about but most of the time I don't..

Of course I also have those manic phases as well..I can buy out a clothing store when I am there..Usually what I am in manic is when I buy $60 worth of nothing but junk food and then eat every bit of it..

So have any of you ever suffered from some form of depression only to be told by a wonderful MD or head Dr that you weren't?


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## Zandoz (Jun 18, 2007)

For some unknown reason, severe depression runs in my mom's side of the family BIG time. But every single one who has gotten "professional help" has ended up drastically worse off..many to the point of being totally non-functional. I've probably been clinically depressed for the last 25-30 years. For me it's just a matter of learning a lesson...Life sucks, and then you die. So if you don't want to functionally die, suck it up and learn to live with it.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jun 18, 2007)

Well, I've been clinically depressed most of my life. I went on Paxil when I was 39 - when a Doctor finally recognized what was going on. I will kill to stay on Paxil - it changed my life.

A few years ago I was talking to my dad about his mothers side of the family - because my grandmother (his mother) was definately severely depressed. My only memories of her are her laying on the couch, eating chocolate and crying.

Anyway - during this conversation my father said matter fact - his mothers 3 sisters were just like her and their brother died in a mental institution. I was shocked - as was my mother. How do you keep information like this a secret? It would have helped to have that family history. 

Oh well - I just wish I hadn't waited to long to go on anti-depressants. But things are pretty good now.


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## Tooz (Jun 18, 2007)

I've been diagnosed with depression on a few occasions-- after seeing a therapist for two years, I left when she suggested I take medication. I'm sort of strong-willed, so on "bad" days I am still able to get up and get on with life. I maintain that unless a thing like depression is impacting my daily life, I don't need to medicate. I'm pretty much fine most of the time.


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## ashmamma84 (Jun 18, 2007)

I started seeing a therapist in highschool --I was always one of those really bright kids and popular too, but still had paralyzing depression that often made me just want to hide in a corner or room and never come out. I take the day as it comes; some days I am in a completely crummy mood and others I get along fine. One thing that depression has taught me is to be patient with myself - it's not my fault that this has happened and I do what I can to cope. This means getting in some excercise, eating right, and having a great support system...doesn't make it go away, but it sure does make it a bit less daunting.


Anyhow, I just switched meds --I was taking Effexor, but the side effects left me dizzy/nauseated. So now I'm taking Zoloft and quite happy.


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## SamanthaNY (Jun 18, 2007)

I have a terrible time with depression - not my own, but other people's. 

It pains me to the point of frustration when I see people that I KNOW are suffering from sometimes severe clinical depression, and yet they seek no help. Some will acknowledge that they need help, yet find all manner of reasons not to seek it ("I don't have insurance... therapy doesn't work... I've never NOT been this way... I don't wanna take meds every day for the rest of my life.. " etc.). Others are simply so mired in their own misery that they cannot see it's a medical/mental condition with available treatment. I don't blame these people for their feelings or actions (or, rather... I try not to), but witnessing that type of suffering brings every Nightingale instinct out in me... yet there is little I can do to help. Hence the frustration. I see lives and people wasted by suffering. Lives that could be experiencing such joy. 

I realize that all these traits are part of depression itself, and a big part of why it's so insidious. Unfortunately, that does little to lessen the impact on those of us that must watch friends and loved ones going through it. Like most severe conditions, depression doesn't just impact one person - it impacts everyone around them as well.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jun 18, 2007)

I think a lot of it has to be the stigma attached to depression..You know only "crazy" people have depression or take medication for it..Not everyone feels this way but a lot do..Most do not realize it is hereditary and they are passing it on to their children..

I wont lie I have been on Zoloft before..I was really in a dark place and I knew trying to "handle" it by myself was not going to work..I was deep in perimenopause and it was whipping my ass..Between the hot flashes,the mood swings,the sleepless nights I was in a bad way,then add in the misery of depression and I worried I might not make it to see my child become adults..So I did seek help and knew that Zoloft would work..I took it for 6 years until my mother got really ill..

I wish the health care providers would work with those that are depressed for free..Get the drug companies to provide people with free meds..There are so many people that need help and can not get it..


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 18, 2007)

I'm pretty sure I have some kind of depression but I've never been to a doctor or bothered to be diagnosed. I can see it runs deep within my family, some folks have it really bad but mine comes in bouts. Ill be doing great and then I hit a pocket of time, maybe a month or so, where I just lose my enthusiasm and begin medicating myself with ice cream. My thinking was to just ride it out. I felt as though by the time I got to a doctor and the doctor did his fee collection therapy and then prescribed something for me, then I got it well into my system the depression would be gone anyway so it wasn't worth the hassle or the money. Also I thought that while I'm young it's better to do stuff without drugs. When I get older and the depression intensifies, then I'll go.

Well... that day came sometime years ago. Thickest depression I've had since adolesence and once again, I have no patience for therapist nor do I have the money for constant co-pays so I went to my primary care. I told him my predicament and asked if he could help. He prescribed for me Welbutrin which takes the edge off somewhat but it's becoming clear that I should really see a real doctor. But jees, those $20 co pays!! I don't want to pay!!! *angrily shakes fist* The logic in me says that I shouldn't wait till I'm sprawled out someplace before I go see someone but I just... can't... seem to... get over the money and time commitment. Bleh!

And still, it comes in spurts. Right now I'm fine but at some point it will hit me and I am going to be overwhelmed for a month and yet underwhelmed a tthe same time.


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## HottiMegan (Jun 18, 2007)

I have a long and not so fun history of depression. It tends to be short run lately which is good for me. I have tried therapy but no one ever suggested meds for me (except my mom). It's not as bad as it was like five years ago. I have been suffereing from it to the point that i fell off my diet for a month. It all stemmed from my son needing yet another surgery and talk of even more when we thought we were done. It threw me through a loop and i have been pretty down because of it. I'm finding the will to get back on my whole foods diet so that I can regulate my self through food. It really kicked my depression in teh butt previously. (you should see the sty my apartment is because all i want to do is lay in bed or play video games.. Its so bad!)

eta: I have also discovered that exercise provides a temporary fix for me. It makes me feel better for at least a day.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jun 18, 2007)

Megan hon it sounds like you really need to talk to someone about getting on meds..Depression with stress on top of it is really bad combo..If you can't get some meds to help then you need to find a different Dr that will help you out..

I was unlucky after I lost my Mom,I went through the grieving process without meds..I wouldn't get out of bed for days on ends and didn't shower until my son was yelling at me I stunk..It took me a year to get past her's and my brothers's deaths..

My biggest complaint now is no sleep..I am an insomniac from the depression..Doesn't work when you are chasing a 16 moths old around from time to time..


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## QtPatooti (Jun 24, 2007)

My depression is genetic. And I would get down for so long I couldn't get back up. I have been battling depression since my late teen years. I was on Prozac first. At the time that worked the best for me. Later tried Paxil, then later again Wellbutrin. But honestly I did not get control of it until a major depressive episode about 5 years ago - I went to a psychiatrists office for treatment. Spent some time with a counselor that worked under the psychiatrist and continue to this day to go for a medicine check with the psychiatrist every 6 months. It was the best thing I ever did. And while I get tired of the constant doctor appointments, I know it is the right thing. 

I finally got past the idea in my head that I am crazy. I have a medical problem. The psychiatrist kept tweaking my meds until she got it right. I am on 60 mgs of Celexa.


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## wistful (Jun 26, 2007)

QtPatooti said:


> I finally got past the idea in my head that I am crazy. I have a medical problem. The psychiatrist kept tweaking my meds until she got it right.



Qt you have the right idea.There is so much stigma attached to being depressed in our society (or any mental illness really) that it often keeps people from seeking the help that they so desperately need.I've struggled with clinical depression for as long as I can remember and I've been in treatment on and off since the 8th,9th grade or so.
In large part I believe my depression is caused by faulty brain chemistry which I had the misfortune to inherit from both sides of my family.Two majorly depressed people meeting,marrying and having kids? It's pretty much a guarantee that the children will inherit those same tendencies.

I've taken antidepressants on an almost consistent basis since the age of 15 and I view it much the same way I would taking any other daily medication that I might need to function on a normal level.Antidepressants aren't what people often think they are.Many people seem to have this misconception that if you are taking a pill for a mental issue that you are using a short cut (do the work yourself they say!) or that you are popping some "happy" pill.Happy pill couldn't be further from the truth.My antidepressants don't make me happy they simply bring me up to a *normal* level of functioning so I can get out of bed every day.My brain chemistry is such that I would find it difficult to leave the house or even the bed if I didn't take my meds ...and I won't apologize for this either.

i'm not discounting other methods of controlling depression though..even with the meds I still struggle so there are certain things I need to do to try and keep my depression in check.Exercise,staying busy and talk therapy are all tools I've found tremendously helpful.Getting sun especially during the winter is important to me as well.Lately due to certain personal circumstances I've been finding myself falling back into depression so I'm actively seeking out a therapist to work with.It's been years since I've been in talk therapy but I know this will help me.Even just taking the steps needed to find a therapist has lifted my mood a bit...I'm doing right by myself and that always feels good.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jun 28, 2007)

It has rained every day for the past 32 days..Might not have been a lot of rain but enough to keep you inside..*I HATE IT!*

This time of year is hard enough on me as it is..I had to bury 2 brothers during this time of year so that makes me feel bad,then add this rain ever day on top of that and I am in a deep funk..I have been cleaning my house from top to bottom to keep my mind off of things..I normally go mow my grass for a few hours when I feel this way but can't because of the freakin rain! I am stuck inside with no sunshine,only light I have is from my lamps..URGH!!!!!! All I want to do is go crawl into my bed,cover my head and not come out until the rain stops...Crying every day hasn't helped either..

I was planning to have a big party this weekend,looks like that is going to be a washout..Went to buy a new tv last night and they do not have the one I want..Disappointments does not help my state of mind either..

What is the killer of all of this is I told my Dr at the beginning of the month I was going into a funk state..Did she give me anything for it? Nooooo not a thing..So it is up to me to fight it and try to come out on the other side better!


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## MLadyJ (Jun 28, 2007)

I can sympathize and empathize with almost every post here. I never really knew I was depressed until one episode sent me to the Dr. I was placed on Prozac and thought my world had suddenly turned over. I never knew what it was like NOT to be depressed. I now realize that I have been clinically and chronically depress my whole life! I will be able to go off meds from time to time but invariably end up back on them. In one respect I am very lucky because antidepressants seem to work very quickly on me..on the other hand it takes some work to get the type and strength just right. I have been on Prozac, Celexa, Wellbutrin and Zoloft. Right now the magic combination seems to be Wellbutrin twice a day and Zoloft once a day.

If your medication doesn't seem to be as effective..ask your Dr. to try different combinations. Even with all the changes in meds I still will get down for a day or two but I have pretty much learned to talk myself through it. Good luck to all who suffer...just know that you don't have to suffer alone.


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## curveyme (Jun 28, 2007)

I could not agree more with comments about social stigma and depression (ANY mental illness, really)! It seems that BBWs/BHM get a "double whammy" from society and medical professionals alike for being fat AND depressed!

I have been hastled about my weight by docotors as long as I can remember, but my my current dr was actually the one who diagnosed my depression last July. She put me on Zoloft and my entire world opened-up!! If you have a dr that refuses to listen to you - I would sincerely urge you to seek out a new dr soon!

I was depressed far too long without diagnosis or support. Looking back, I would say my depression started in elementary school. However, since I was so busy playing the roles of straight-A student and "pleaser child", then, as an adult, directing all of my energies toward the care of others . . . I suffered in private. Treatment has helped me realize that caring for myself first, is an essential part of a healthy life. My first step was to end a long, abusive marriage with the knowledge that I deserve better!!

Anyway, I yearn for the day that depression is dealt with like any other chronic medical condition, like hypertension, cancer, etc. It needs to be diagnosed early and given appropriate treatment. However, it is essential for those who are clinically depressed, like me, to support and encourage each other! I am a "newbie" to Dimensions Chat and the Boards, but am SOOOO excited to be part of this wonderful community!!! The support and encouragement here is awesome!!!

It is not our FAULT that we have depression and we can't "cure" ourselves by just "getting happy"! I'd bet no one would expect someone to "cure" themselves of cancer ; in my opinion, there is /NO/ difference between the two!


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jun 29, 2007)

I deal with depression...362 days a year. I say that because even when I'm happy I'm still not settled inside. It's really hard to explain because I am REALLY intelligent when it comes to psychology. Therapy is useless to me because I understand my self so well. I tried therapy once, right after my parents split up a couple of years ago. I was in tears and rambling, but I knew why I felt the way I did, and I knew nothing would change it. The psycholigist told me that he couldn't really do anything for me, but if a crisis came up not to hesitate to call.

I regret the fact that I have been so honest about my depression issues, because even though I am a fully functioning adult, my mental health is being questioned as to if I am stable enough to be around. Had I just kept it to myself I coulda been crazy as a coot but it wouldn't be in my face.

Now to the honest part. I have been on drugs before. I sought help for depression in the summer of 2002. I was living in a small town in Idaho that is secluded from all other towns for 2.5 hours in every direction. That's depressing in it's self. I was put on Welbutrin, after not working well with Prozac and some other one that starts with C. WELL.....after a month I had a bad reaction to it. Total mania....which got me a diagnosis of bipolar depressive. In the side effects of Welburtin it actually lists mania and SUICIDE as a side effect!!!!!!!! I was on that and a couple of other things and all I remember for those 6 months was falling asleep all the time. I hated it. I would be at my parents house talking to someone and I would just fall asleep.

I took myself off the meds. Everyone says "thats so typical of a bipolar" fuck off. Why should I take makes that completely incompacitate me as a person when I am a fully functioning, although teary sometimes, person???

I wish there was a miracle drug that just made me happy...but I haven't found one. And the side effects of all those drugs creep me out....have you read the list???? I'd rather be sad and use a box of kleenex everyday that have blood clots and strokes and liver problems. Call me weird...but I'd rather not replace one ill with 3 or 4.

I realise some drugs do work for people and I think that is great, but for me, I am not so lucky.

Looking back, I can't ever remember being happy...like truely happy, excpet a few days here and there. All of the other time I am just wondering if I am were I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing, etc...and this was way before I met Mike and moved to the UK. I just have a general sense of not fitting in and not making the best of life I guess. I have a happy/perky/bubbly personality and I love being around people and having fun, but underneath the surface there is a very dark dark place filled with soured tears. [/emo]

I'm going to end this post cos I could bitch forever...cos not only am I depressive, but I'm going through sugar, salt and caffine withdrawls and I would love to punch someone in the face, lol. Give me 3 or 4 days and the heroin like cravings should be gone.


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## Miss Vickie (Jun 29, 2007)

SamanthaNY said:


> I have a terrible time with depression - not my own, but other people's.
> 
> It pains me to the point of frustration when I see people that I KNOW are suffering from sometimes severe clinical depression, and yet they seek no help. Some will acknowledge that they need help, yet find all manner of reasons not to seek it ("I don't have insurance... therapy doesn't work... I've never NOT been this way... I don't wanna take meds every day for the rest of my life.. " etc.). Others are simply so mired in their own misery that they cannot see it's a medical/mental condition with available treatment. I don't blame these people for their feelings or actions (or, rather... I try not to), but witnessing that type of suffering brings every Nightingale instinct out in me... yet there is little I can do to help. Hence the frustration. I see lives and people wasted by suffering. Lives that could be experiencing such joy.



Yes. I understand totally. As a chronically depressed person who has sought help (and gotten it) it's frustrating for me to see people who can't, or won't, seek help. But I understand that it really IS part of the disease -- the total apathy, the feelings of worthlessness, they create in a person a kind of paralysis that keeps them from getting the very help they need. It's horribly sad. I feel very fortunate that even though there were a couple of times when I was scarily depressed, I was still able to seek, and get, help. I never had that overwhelming apathy that many experience although I still suffer from the "why the hell do I bother?" part of depression. And yet, I do continue to "bother" and somehow manage to keep moving and functioning, even during those times when I've been at my worst. I think part of it for me was being a mom. I absolutely HAD to function, even when I felt I "couldn't". It was hard, no doubt about it, but I had no other options. I just kept moving, even when I felt like I was breathing cut glass and my insides just felt totally on FIRE from the physio-emotional pain I was in.

Apathy is one of the things I have the hardest time dealing with, and yet it's such a core part of depression. Maybe that's why I hate it -- because I fight it so much in myself. 



> I realize that all these traits are part of depression itself, and a big part of why it's so insidious. Unfortunately, that does little to lessen the impact on those of us that must watch friends and loved ones going through it. Like most severe conditions, depression doesn't just impact one person - it impacts everyone around them as well.



It sure does, including children. My ex, as an example, used to sleep many hours a day when he wasn't working many hours a day; he'd work for days on end, literally without sleep, and then sleep for days at a time. It was so frustrating and sad, because I ended up raising our kids alone (or did until I married Burtimus). So yeah, it's hard for everyone. But even while being VERY frustrated, I try to remember that it's the disease talking. 

For me, loving someone who is depressed is like standing on the precipice of a huge black hole, with the person you love clinging to the edge. It's so easy to go down there with them, but then you can be no help. But too, you can't really pull the person up, either, unless you're VERY strong and they're VERY motivated. All you can do is keep yourself strong and healthy, cheer them on and hope like hell they can do it. Not getting sucked into that hole is the hard bit, especially for those of us who are fairly strongly empathetic.


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## Tracyarts (Jul 3, 2007)

BubbleButtBabe said:


> So have any of you ever suffered from some form of depression only to be told by a wonderful MD or head Dr that you weren't?



Oh yes.

First time, I was told: "You are only depressed because you are so big, anybody your size is bound to be depressed about it. You need to lose weight and then you will no longer be depressed."

I didn't take that for an answer and the doctor referred me to a psychiatrist. Who, generally agreed with the GP that it was a weight thing, but felt that he needed to treat the depression to *motivate* me to lose weight. So, I started trying different medications under his treatment plan (this was years ago, I don't remember the exact medications except that they were SSRIs and common ones of the time). I didn't have a lot of luck with them. The side effects were either one extreme or another. Either I was totally manic and twitchy or could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning and stay functional long enough to go to work. 

Second time, I was told: "Depression is just another one of the effects/symptoms of PCOS and the way to treat it is to bring your PCOS under control. Once your hormones are normalized, the depression will go away."

But, it really didn't. It did get a lot better, but it didn't go away. I wound up trying Paxil, and did feel a little better above and beyond what the PCOS treatment did for me, but again, the side effects... I got *very* snappish, short-tempered, and just all around bitchy. I stuck with it for a while, but then decided the side effects just weren't worth the difference the drug made. So, things sailed along for quite a while until a lot of very bad things happened in a span of less than 6 months (my dad died unexpectedly, my relationship with my mom took a turn for the worse, and I found out I had an enormous mass on one of my ovaries.) And that put me into a very, very deep depression that I lived with for quite some time before I went looking for help again. 

And this time, my doctor put me on Wellbutrin, and so far, it is working the best of anything I have ever tried and with the fewest side effects of anything I have tried, so I am sticking with it.

Tracy


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## Renaissance Woman (Jul 13, 2007)

BBBabe, you said that "of course" you have manic phases. Not everyone does. Bipolar disorder is a different one than depression, with different meds used for treatment (mood stabilizers aren't prescribed for depression/unipolar). I admit that I've even been envious of those with bipolar disorder, because at least they get (hypo)manic phases as a kind of compensation for the depression. Me, I just get the lows. It's the cosmic joke on me. "HA! You even get the short end of the stick for mental illness!"

I've been in the current depression episode for a while--probably about three years. I've been punished at school for it, even after taking what should have been appropriate steps to treat it, and my career goal's been taken away from me as a result, leading to greater depression. The hits just keep on coming.....

Having taken so many psychology courses at this point, I've got this odd dichotomy in my head. I know rationally exactly what's going on, but I'm unable to do a damn thing to change it. I know all the things I'm *supposed* to do, *supposed* to say, and *supposed* to change, and don't do any of them. I've got a sense that it's my fate to suffer, so who the hell am I to try to subvert fate? I deserve to be punished for whatever it is that I've done, although I'm at a loss as to what that might have been. 

I'm nearly out of meds, and afraid to try to get more because I'm not sure of my insurance situation (it was through school, and they've kicked me out). Instead I'm not taking them in some vain effort to conserve the few pills that are left. I'm sleeping 12 hours a day, and sitting on the couch doing nothing when I'm awake, unless you count spending all my time on the net as doing something. I don't want to deal with anybody or anything vaguely stressful. I don't check my email and avoid the regular mail, as they're both bound to contain more bad news. 

I'm crying now just typing this, so that's the end of this post.


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 13, 2007)

But it's not scarey...promise.


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## Webmaster (Jul 13, 2007)

Depression can sneak up on people. Life just doesn't seem that exciting anymore, and before you know it, all the nice, cool stuff is gone, the waking up full of energy, the enjoying a day, the looking forward to things, the feeling good in any way. All gone.

That happened to me a number of years ago. I like to approach things scientifically and so diagnosed myself. There are ten tell-tale signs of clinical depression. At the time, if three or more applied to you, you were considered clinically depressed. Eight applied to me of the ten.

So I tried Prozac and that really didn't work for me, plus I am very much against drugs of any kind. I went to Kaiser and they had me fill out a mega-questionnaire. They called me back in almost immediately because they had somehow concluded I was going to nuke myself, which I certainly wasn't going to do. Once I convinced them of that, I thought I might ask the psychologist if there were other meds that might work a bit better than Prozac. The guy was totally unsympathetic and matter-of-fact though I was practically falling apart in his office. It just felt there was nothing to live for. So he asked me if I would consider signing up for a depression class. I don't much believe in that, but said I would, and did.

So I went to those sessions and actually learned a good bit. It totally wasn't for me as the instructor's approach was that there is a reason for depression, and all we have to do is figure out what ails us -- a job, a relationship -- and then tackle that. So all went through their gripes and how they'd deal with it. I had no gripes. There was nothing wrong in my life. I wasn't unhappy with anything. But the classes were not a total waste.

That's because one thing the instructor said was that exercise often helps, if done seriously and consistently. I decided, what the heck, why not. And took up running. Like most people, I've gone through exercise phases in my life and always quickly abandoned them because they were too boring or inconvenient. So I spent some time thinking what I should and should not do, and how I should approach running so that it works for me. I found my answer, and even wrote an article about it that was published in a magazine.

I began running a strenuous uphill and downhill two-mile course three times a week. Religiously, come hell or high water. It's now been five years and I have missed just a handful of runs when I was sick. It's made a HUGE difference, more than all drugs combined.

I am certainly not suggesting everyone should run. That's not an option for many fat people. But some sort of exercise that gets the motor running and results in a good workout is possible for everyone. The trick is to think about it, find what it right, and then do it and never stop.

That's how I beat this thing.


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## Esme (Jul 13, 2007)

Renaissance Woman said:


> BBBabe, you said that "of course" you have manic phases. Not everyone does. Bipolar disorder is a different one than depression, with different meds used for treatment (mood stabilizers aren't prescribed for depression/unipolar). I admit that I've even been envious of those with bipolar disorder, because at least they get (hypo)manic phases as a kind of compensation for the depression. Me, I just get the lows. It's the cosmic joke on me. "HA! You even get the short end of the stick for mental illness!"
> 
> I've been in the current depression episode for a while--probably about three years. I've been punished at school for it, even after taking what should have been appropriate steps to treat it, and my career goal's been taken away from me as a result, leading to greater depression. The hits just keep on coming.....
> 
> ...



I PMed you too. Also not scary.


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 13, 2007)

Renaissance Woman said:


> BBBabe, you said that "of course" you have manic phases. Not everyone does. Bipolar disorder is a different one than depression, with different meds used for treatment (mood stabilizers aren't prescribed for depression/unipolar). I admit that I've even been envious of those with bipolar disorder, because at least they get (hypo)manic phases as a kind of compensation for the depression. Me, I just get the lows. It's the cosmic joke on me. "HA! You even get the short end of the stick for mental illness!"
> 
> I've been in the current depression episode for a while--probably about three years. I've been punished at school for it, even after taking what should have been appropriate steps to treat it, and my career goal's been taken away from me as a result, leading to greater depression. The hits just keep on coming.....
> 
> ...



I wanted to PM you too, but I don't have anything really to say. For things like this sometimes there isn't anything you really CAN say. Anthing I would say would most undoubtely be scary so I'll keep my foot out of my mouth. Just that I have the urge to plop down next to you on the couch, grab your hand and give it an assuring squeeze without saying anything.


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## fatlane (Jul 13, 2007)

Depression can be beaten. It's just hellacious trying to figure out the right combination to beat one's own particular brand of depression.

We all have different brain chemistries: that's why emotional problems are the most difficult to treat. Broken leg? Get a splint. Messed up heart? Try this valve. Feeling sad? Ooooh, sorry. No easy answers.

Depression is a disease of selfish lies. It is combatted with whatever helps one to see the broader truth outside of the self.

I had medications for a while to stabilize myself, then I pushed ahead with talking cures. My greatest breakthrough actually came from a clergyman who told me that the depression was actually sinful. Realizing the hope to be drawn from my beliefs, I found he was correct. I had hope, value, and purpose: I had to rise to meet them on my own terms and not those of the world. In so doing, I learned to not care what the world had to say to me. 

I think I spent 10 years of my life undiagnosed, maybe more. I got my diagnosis in 1997 and I think I've finally gotten the right mix of confidence, belief, and honesty about my situation to where I'm aware of my depressive swings, but I don't suffer during them. It's been that way for the last two years. I feel them coming on, but I know what to do, mentally, to work through them. I don't shut down anymore. I don't feel the pain in my mind that has no physical component. I can still have flashes and episodes of mood swings, but they're tapering off.

Some of the best help I've had in battling depression is changing what I expect from myself. The philosophy in Zhuang Zi has really helped me greatly, and a big chunk of it is on the internet for free. If it helps you, then great! If not, sorry, but keep trying. 

Depression can be beaten.


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## Jane (Jul 26, 2007)

Medications do not work for all people. You cannot sit online and tell other people to take medications for depression just because they worked for you.

I have a friend STRUGGLING to get off anti-depressants as they stopped working for him (he's been on seven different meds, and combinations thereof) and have made day to day nearly unbearable for him.

All this because he was exhibiting road rage while driving in Dallas traffic.


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## Heavy_Cream (Jul 26, 2007)

I am so very sorry you're suffering. I wish I could lay hands on you and take it all away. I strongly urge you to read this site, very well written by someone who is bipolar and what works for him.

http://www.livingmanicdepressive.com/0_contentsD.html

I used to be severely depressed but I changed that by becoming goal-oriented.


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## Renaissance Woman (Jul 26, 2007)

Heavy_Cream said:


> I am so very sorry you're suffering. I wish I could lay hands on you and take it all away. I strongly urge you to read this site, very well written by someone who is bipolar and what works for him.
> 
> http://www.livingmanicdepressive.com/0_contentsD.html
> 
> I used to be severely depressed but I changed that by becoming goal-oriented.


Again I say bipolar disorder is different than depression. What works for one person with bipolar is not necessarily going to work for someone with unipolar.

I'm glad that you found what worked for you, but being "goal oriented" isn't the problem. I've got two masters degrees, own a house, was well on my way to getting a Ph.D., doing research, and wanting to get a job as a professor. If that's not goal oriented, I don't know what is.


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## William (Jul 26, 2007)

Hi RW

That site is using the term manic depressive as in Manic Depressive Illness which is an old term for Bi-polar and is not depression.

William



Renaissance Woman said:


> Again I say bipolar disorder is different than depression. What works for one person with bipolar is not necessarily going to work for someone with unipolar.
> 
> I'm glad that you found what worked for you, but being "goal oriented" isn't the problem. I've got two masters degrees, own a house, was well on my way to getting a Ph.D., doing research, and wanting to get a job as a professor. If that's not goal oriented, I don't know what is.


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## CuteyChubb (Jul 28, 2007)

I must say I am depressed at this time and have had bouts with it my entire life. I have been on meds before but after a couple of months and no changes, I give up on them. Reading this thread in itself made me feel as if I got a bit of therapy. I think it is wonderful so many of you can be so honest about something that is such a source of shame for me. 

Right now, I am unemployed since Jan of this year, my house is in jeopardy of foreclosure and I hate myself most of the time. I can't believe I am typing this but your collective honesty has moved me so. The thing is I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY. I did NOT do anything to deserve this. Not a damn thing. I am a good person and I deserve every good thing life has to offer. 

I feel like the depression is like a huge gloomy pressure that pushes me down until it is hard to stand up. literally. There is however a fighter inside of me and I believe everybody else that just continues to fight it. I guess the trick is to make the fighter in me stronger than the depression. 

I think I may be rambling now so I will stop. I just want to thank you all for your posts in this thread.


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## wistful (Jul 28, 2007)

Jane said:


> Medications do not work for all people. You cannot sit online and tell other people to take medications for depression just because they worked for you.



Jane I'm not sure who this is in response to.I guess I'm wondering if it's to me because I talked so much about how much antidepressants have helped me.


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## Zandoz (Jul 28, 2007)

CuteyChubb said:


> I must say I am depressed at this time and have had bouts with it my entire life. I have been on meds before but after a couple of months and no changes, I give up on them. Reading this thread in itself made me feel as if I got a bit of therapy. I think it is wonderful so many of you can be so honest about something that is such a source of shame for me.
> 
> Right now, I am unemployed since Jan of this year, my house is in jeopardy of foreclosure and I hate myself most of the time. I can't believe I am typing this but your collective honesty has moved me so. The thing is I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY. I did NOT do anything to deserve this. Not a damn thing. I am a good person and I deserve every good thing life has to offer.
> 
> ...




I've been there with the whole job and house thing.

{{{{{{Cutey}}}}}}

I wish there were some universal magic words to make the situation easier, but all I can do is tell you what worked for me in that situation. Making myself come to peace with the reality that in the end, the house and all the other "stuff" are just things...and in the big scheme, things don't mean a squat of a lot. Don't let the things become the anchors that drag you down. I know...simple words, but hard to do...but dealing with number one does get a bit easier when you're not worried about the fate of things.


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## Surlysomething (Jul 28, 2007)

fatlane said:


> not, sorry, but keep trying.
> 
> Depression can be beaten.





I think it's better to say that it can be managed.


I liked a lot of what you had to say though...we don't realize how strong we truly are until we battle through this crap and come out on the winning side more times than the failing side.


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## Jane (Jul 29, 2007)

wistful said:


> Jane I'm not sure who this is in response to.I guess I'm wondering if it's to me because I talked so much about how much antidepressants have helped me.



Wistful, it is an overall response, and had it been directed at you, I would have quoted you.

This is an internet forum, not a doctor's office. No one should walk away from this discussion thinking a trip to the doctor and asking for antidepressant medications are going to make their depression go away. Nothing comes without consequences.

Many of us need to see a therapist, psychiatrist or family physician for help in dealing with depression. Many of us need good friends who will listen. Some of us need medication. Some type of depression haunts almost everyone I know.

Now, for my input into the conversation: It just baffles me that in this day and time when we aren't constantly under threat of starvation as in the great stretches of history, depression is what we have "gained" by not constantly having to struggle just to survive. No one I know is actually "happy" except in fleeting moments, and so many hurt so badly every instant of every day. It is overwhelming for me to consider.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jul 30, 2007)

Jane said:


> Now, for my input into the conversation: It just baffles me that in this day and time when we aren't constantly under threat of starvation as in the great stretches of history, depression is what we have "gained" by not constantly having to struggle just to survive. No one I know is actually "happy" except in fleeting moments, and so many hurt so badly every instant of every day. It is overwhelming for me to consider.




As I mentioned on another thread, dissatisfaction is the default state for humans. Once we have a few leisure moments in which we are not desperately trying to collect/avoid becoming dinner, we picture an ideal world and then get pissy because we don't live there. This is probably adaptive behavior, because it leads us to invent things: given dissatisfaction and opposable thumbs, you may invent fire, the wheel, or (if you're Al Gore) the Internet.


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## Jane (Jul 30, 2007)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> As I mentioned on another thread, dissatisfaction is the default state for humans. Once we have a few leisure moments in which we are not desperately trying to collect/avoid becoming dinner, we picture an ideal world and then get pissy because we don't live there. This is probably adaptive behavior, because it leads us to invent things: given dissatisfaction and opposable thumbs, you may invent fire, the wheel, or (if you're Al Gore) the Internet.




We're not talking dissatisfaction. We're talking depression that renders you almost incapable of acting much less imagining an effective solution.

True depression is crippling for both the body and mind.


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## CuteyChubb (Jul 30, 2007)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> As I mentioned on another thread, dissatisfaction is the default state for humans. Once we have a few leisure moments in which we are not desperately trying to collect/avoid becoming dinner, we picture an ideal world and then get pissy because we don't live there. This is probably adaptive behavior, because it leads us to invent things: given dissatisfaction and opposable thumbs, you may invent fire, the wheel, or (if you're Al Gore) the Internet.



Yeah, I'm "pissy" that I'm unemployed and fixing to lose my house. Whatever. What a "pissy" response.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jul 30, 2007)

Jane said:


> We're not talking dissatisfaction. We're talking depression that renders you almost incapable of acting much less imagining an effective solution.
> 
> True depression is crippling for both the body and mind.



I'm not talking about dissatisfaction as a reaction to a specific event, but as a more chronic condition: the old "life's a bitch and then you die" attitude. Is this something totally different from depression, or is it a matter of degree? I don't know: if anybody else does, please comment.
I'm also suggesting that chronic dissatisfaction may have enough beneficial results to make it culturally advantageous. If that is so, then could depression be an extreme, dysfunctional form of dissatisfaction, analogous to the way allergies are an extreme reaction by the body's immune system? Just asking.


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## Miss Vickie (Jul 31, 2007)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I'm not talking about dissatisfaction as a reaction to a specific event, but as a more chronic condition: the old "life's a bitch and then you die" attitude. Is this something totally different from depression, or is it a matter of degree? I don't know: if anybody else does, please comment.
> I'm also suggesting that chronic dissatisfaction may have enough beneficial results to make it culturally advantageous. If that is so, then could depression be an extreme, dysfunctional form of dissatisfaction, analogous to the way allergies are an extreme reaction by the body's immune system? Just asking.



You mean like dysthymia? That's what I think of when you're talking about general dissatisfaction with life. Not so severe that it requires medication to function well, but just an overall "blahness" about life that seems to continue regardless of what particular good or bad thing is going on at the time.


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## lemmink (Jul 31, 2007)

I've been depressed as a complication of a recurring lil' anxiety disorder I have called hypofreakingchondria. Huzzah. After six months of lying in bed bawling my eyes out I managed to kick both issues through exercise. About four miles a day, just walking, and I don't know, everything seemed to stabilise after a few months. I'm usually not into that kind of hippy do-it-yourself shit but it worked for me.

My anxiety disorder has resurfaced recently but this time thankfully without the depression sidekick. I've taken up exercise again--just jogging at home for about 20 minutes a day and I've also done acupuncture and chinese massage, which... uh... has worked. As I said, I'm wary about the hippy-stuff but, well, I've got amazing results after one treatment so it may be worth people's while to try it out, as I know it's not just used for hypochondria but also depression.


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 31, 2007)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I'm not talking about dissatisfaction as a reaction to a specific event, but as a more chronic condition: the old "life's a bitch and then you die" attitude. Is this something totally different from depression, or is it a matter of degree? I don't know: if anybody else does, please comment.
> I'm also suggesting that chronic dissatisfaction may have enough beneficial results to make it culturally advantageous. If that is so, then could depression be an extreme, dysfunctional form of dissatisfaction, analogous to the way allergies are an extreme reaction by the body's immune system? Just asking.



Yeah but then there are people who seemingly cannot be happy or satisfied. There are highly successful people surrounded by folks who love and admire them, they've got huge knockers, well endowed and they've hit the $450,000,000 lottery and they still can't seem to find joy in anything - even their own accomplishments. There are people who suffer from depression for physical reasons that have nothing to do with their environment. When I contracted Lyme's disease one of the first symptoms I suffered was depression and I had nothing at all to be depressed about. Coincidentally that was what saved me because had I been in the midst of stress or drama everybody would have assumed it was all in my head and I would have been diagnosed much later.

I agree with you on most points but I don't want to overshadow the fact that depression is a real physical ailment for many people that should be diagnosed and treated the same as epilepsy or any other physical disorder.

EDIT: I just realized I responded to the wrong post. Bleh!


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## Jane (Jul 31, 2007)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I'm not talking about dissatisfaction as a reaction to a specific event, but as a more chronic condition: the old "life's a bitch and then you die" attitude. Is this something totally different from depression, or is it a matter of degree? I don't know: if anybody else does, please comment.
> I'm also suggesting that chronic dissatisfaction may have enough beneficial results to make it culturally advantageous. If that is so, then could depression be an extreme, dysfunctional form of dissatisfaction, analogous to the way allergies are an extreme reaction by the body's immune system? Just asking.



Doc, I would say you obviously have never suffered from true depression if you can mistake the two.

Congratulations.

I have been lucky enough to not have a chemical imbalance that affects my mood, and that makes me extremely happy. I can do dissatisfaction, however that is not depression. I can have "the blues" but that is not depression.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jul 31, 2007)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> As I mentioned on another thread, dissatisfaction is the default state for humans. Once we have a few leisure moments in which we are not desperately trying to collect/avoid becoming dinner, we picture an ideal world and then get pissy because we don't live there. This is probably adaptive behavior, because it leads us to invent things: given dissatisfaction and opposable thumbs, you may invent fire, the wheel, or (if you're Al Gore) the Internet.



Dissatisfaction is not what keeps you in bed crying your eyes out..Nor what makes you want to sleep all the time..It doesn't make you avoid all kinds of contact with others,even your family..It also is not what makes your mind tell you what a horrible human being you are and that the world would be such a better place with out you in it..I am sure it is not what prompts people to begin planning ways of killing themselves...It sure is not the reason depressed people do not eat or eats to excess..

Depression is a nasty disease..There is not quick cure for getting over it..NO magic pill that will make you better in a few weeks..You can't wish it away,because it never leaves..You can find ways to manage it but it truly never leaves..Some times when you think every thing in life is going great,then bam it raises it's nasty head once again..To people on the outside looking into your life they can't figure what you have to be sad about..What is so wrong with your life..They do not realize that your brain is not wired right and missing some key chemicals that other brains have..


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## butch (Jul 31, 2007)

One thing that Jane's early post reminded me of is that it can also be dangerous to have a GP or other non-psychiatrist medical professional prescribe anti-depressant medication to you. I used to have a boss who had a horrible reaction to an anti-depressant prescribed by her GP because her GP did not know that she was also an alcoholic, and the combination of the the 2 substances messed her up (she lost her job and jeopardized her custody arrangement of her kids). A mental health professional would be more likely to know of any substance abuse problems because such questions are part of the intake interview for any new psychiatric patient. Plus, a mental health professional, at least in the beginning of treatment, sees you more often than a GP, and would notice changes earlier that might avoid the kind of mess that my former boss got into.


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## Surlysomething (Jul 31, 2007)

butch said:


> One thing that Jane's early post reminded me of is that it can also be dangerous to have a GP or other non-psychiatrist medical professional prescribe anti-depressant medication to you. I used to have a boss who had a horrible reaction to an anti-depressant prescribed by her GP because her GP did not know that she was also an alcoholic, and the combination of the the 2 substances messed her up (she lost her job and jeopardized her custody arrangement of her kids). A mental health professional would be more likely to know of any substance abuse problems because such questions are part of the intake interview for any new psychiatric patient. Plus, a mental health professional, at least in the beginning of treatment, sees you more often than a GP, and would notice changes earlier that might avoid the kind of mess that my former boss got into.




Your friend should have a better relationship with her Dr.

My personal GP saved my life with the way she treated me. I'm not sure if it's the same in the US. Health care professionals can't guess what's wrong with you unless you tell them your symptoms and are honest about your problems. Granted, they're not miracle workers but if they're caring and empathetic and good at their job they should be MORE than capable to help someone with depression. My Dr. would see me at the drop of a hat if there were any problems. Doctors are just people too, some are better than others that's for sure. It's too bad that your friend had a bad reaction but it very likely could have happened with a mental health person.


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## butch (Jul 31, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Your friend should have a better relationship with her Dr.
> 
> My personal GP saved my life with the way she treated me. I'm not sure if it's the same in the US. Health care professionals can't guess what's wrong with you unless you tell them your symptoms and are honest about your problems. Granted, they're not miracle workers but if they're caring and empathetic and good at their job they should be MORE than capable to help someone with depression. My Dr. would see me at the drop of a hat if there were any problems. Doctors are just people too, some are better than others that's for sure. It's too bad that your friend had a bad reaction but it very likely could have happened with a mental health person.



First off, not a friend, a boss. Second, yes, she should have told the GP this, and that is why I mentioned the bit about how if she had been in mental health treatment, she would have been seen more regularly than she would have been after seeing a GP for a check-up, and thus, if she was dishonest, a mental health person could have picked up on the change in her behavior before it got to such a bad state, don't you think?

And there are a whole slew of reasons why a good GP should recommend someone with depression to see a mental health person, the least of which is the fact that plenty of studies show the most improvement in the treatment of depression is seen when one combines drug therapy with talk therapy. And no GP, no matter how good, is trained in talk therapy.

I'm glad that some people, including you, got great treatment for your depression by seeing a GP. But, just like I wouldn't go to a proctologist to treat a heart condition, I think it is wiser, and more helpful in the long run, to see someone trained specifically, and over a course of many years, in psychiatry. I want the best result for my health care bucks, and I offered a cautionary tale as to why I would be careful about exactly how I got treatment for my depression.

And, for the record, I have been treated, with varying degrees of success, for depression by the mental health field, so it's not as if I think all mental health professionals are miracle workers, either.


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 31, 2007)

butch said:


> First off, not a friend, a boss. Second, yes, she should have told the GP this, and that is why I mentioned the bit about how if she had been in mental health treatment, she would have been seen more regularly than she would have been after seeing a GP for a check-up, and thus, if she was dishonest, a mental health person could have picked up on the change in her behavior before it got to such a bad state, don't you think?
> 
> And there are a whole slew of reasons why a good GP should recommend someone with depression to see a mental health person, the least of which is the fact that plenty of studies show the most improvement in the treatment of depression is seen when one combines drug therapy with talk therapy. And no GP, no matter how good, is trained in talk therapy.
> 
> ...



I don't know what your boss was taking but most prescription antidepressants come with a warning on the label that says 'Do Not Take With Alcohol.' My GP prescribed some for me that were very helpful and he never asked me if I drank, but he did make a point of mentioning that I should not take alcohol while on the drug and the bottle had the warning on the label. I researched it online and discovered the the drug interacts with alcohol and can cause seizures. I'm not a drinker so I didn't worry, but antidepressants come with all kinds of directions on the box like 'consult your doctor if you have feelings of suicide' or 'if symptoms persist or get worse....' and such. Kinda sounds like your boss had a doctor who neglected to go over the protocol of taking the drug, the pharmacy neglected to apply the proper warnings on the bottle or your boss was just so unhappy she took the drug anyway and figured once she felt better she'd stop drinking? I don't know but I'd say that honesty is the best policy when talking with your doctor about anything, especially taking drugs. If you are a drug user, smoke, drink alcohol, etc. if you tell no one else in the world you should tell your doctor. Hindsight is 20/20 and I'm not scolding or anything. Just saying that the doctor cannot be blamed if a person is not going to be fourthcoming with what they are ingesting on a regular basis. A shrink wouldn't fare that much better if the patient is determined to conceal the truth to get what s/he wants.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Aug 1, 2007)

Zandoz said:


> I've been there with the whole job and house thing.
> 
> {{{{{{Cutey}}}}}}
> 
> I wish there were some universal magic words to make the situation easier, but all I can do is tell you what worked for me in that situation. Making myself come to peace with the reality that in the end, the house and all the other "stuff" are just things...and in the big scheme, things don't mean a squat of a lot. Don't let the things become the anchors that drag you down. I know...simple words, but hard to do...but dealing with number one does get a bit easier when you're not worried about the fate of things.



Best post of the thread! Such good advice!


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