# How do you deal with personal loss?



## SocialbFly (Feb 4, 2010)

Many of us have lost friends, family, jobs, partners etc this year, there are several things here that are some of life's greatest stressors...so, how do you deal with personal loss? What helps you want to get out of bed everyday?


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## SocialbFly (Feb 4, 2010)

http://factoidz.com/how-to-deal-with-loss-and-disappointment/

Anyone who faces disappointment experiences feelings of loss, and needs to make adjustments. Somewhat like the person who loses a loved one through death, the disappointed person must work through anger, sadness, a sense of failure, and periods of unbelief. If these normal reactions are denied or left unresolved, the aftermath of disappointment can become a giant lump of depression. 

How do you face disappointments? Properly resolved, personal disappointments can be stepping stones to personal growth, realistic goals, and 
deeper compassion for others.

Face your feelings honestly.

Sometime during childhood, many people acquire the erroneous idea that negative emotions are shameful, and to admit them is to demonstrate weakness or a lack of self-control.

Disappointment is a mental wound that requires careful attention. To deny your feelings out of a sense of false bravery is to deprive yourself of an opportunity for personal growth. It also deprives others of their chance to reach out in love to someone who hurts.

In disappointments wake, dont be afraid to confide in those close to you who express concern. There is healing in anothers prayer support and empathy.
Other people will react to your loss with varying behavior.

Dont let other peoples reactions at your time of loss determine you friendship with them in the future. Sometimes insensitivity can be unintentional. Even though deep sorrow can be felt for your situation, the awkwardness for loss of words can happen in the time of your emotional need.
Set new goals immediately after your disappointment.

When disappointment hits, dont mope around thinking of how the situation could have been avoided. Turn it around by pursuing some new experiences that will make you grow. The thrill of new horizons wont make you forget your loss, but it will help you realize that life does go on.

After you have recovered from disappointment, analyze your situationand use it to help others.

Remember how you felt, what comforted you, and what you would do differently. For instance, after you are fired (for whatever reason), it hurts.

A friend in business told me he received a lunch invitation after he was fired. He said, After you are fired (no matter what reason), it hurts. You want to be affirmed and feel needed. When my good friend took me to lunch to tell me how important I was to those who love me, he helped me handle the disappointment. His act of friendship lifted my mood. Yes, getting fired still hurtsbut the caring reminder that I was still important as a person helped.

Remember that feelings related to personal loss are rarely resolved quickly or smoothly.

A person going through disappointment normally feels anger, denial, and a host of other emotions that gradually lessen with time. If you find yourself facing great emotional intensity after you thought you have recovered, dont despair.

Never compare your loss with someone elses. 

Someone elses loss may seem minor to you, but it may be major to him or her. That person needs your support and comfort.

Healing of damaged emotions takes time. But each day affords a new opportunity. We are not expected to deny disappointment or deal with it alone if we cant. There is always a way out.


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## Ernest Nagel (Feb 5, 2010)

Good inquiry Di. I hope a lot of people will be willing to share about this but I know it's tough.

About 20 years ago I went through a series of personal losses that left me in abject despair, suicidal quite frankly. It was about the same time Nelson Mandela was released from prison after 27 years. I read an article that had a picture of his cell. I cut it out and put it above my bathroom mirror. It reminded me then and still does that whatever else I may lose I have my freedom. He accomplished amazing things without even that; just determination, integrity and something he believed in. Whenever things gets really bad (quite a lot, lately) I close my eyes and allow myself a few minutes to grieve for whatever has passed from my life then I open my mind's eye to the photo of that cell and count my blessings. :happy: It gets me through another day or always has so far.


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## steely (Feb 5, 2010)

Just wanted to say, this is a great thread. I still can't put words to how I feel but I would be interested to know how other people have felt and deal with this. When I can put words together, I will post and maybe have some clarity of mind.


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## SocialbFly (Feb 6, 2010)

I guess my experience is a little unique, due to the job i hold. My experience in the pediatric intensive care unit and ECMO team has given me (unfortunately) lots of practice over the years at telling someone that loss is coming their way...i approach it this way...

Be honest...admit you dont know an easy or nice way to say something, admit that you are at a loss for words, but you want them to know you are there for them. 

be heartfelt, if you don't mean it, dont say it.

be considerate, if they need time alone, dont take it personally, many people shun other people in the advent of bad things.

be supportive, offer a shoulder, offer a hug, offer a hand. you would be surprised how much it helps.

if someone hugs you, no matter how much you want to pull away, dont, this is for their comfort, they will let go when they dont need you.

the last thing (i can think of right now) is again, be honest, but sometimes people dont want to know, if they want to know, they will generally ask, sometimes one question leads to another, but telling someone the obvious may not be what they need, sometimes they just need you to listen while they get to their own conclusions. 

most of all, in the coming weeks, dont forget about them, keep in touch, many people fade out of site a week after everything has happened, but the person still struggles with what they experienced. Pain doesnt have a time limit.


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## steely (Feb 7, 2010)

I've been thinking about this thread and I want to try to answer. It's not a complete answer, I don't know if I'll ever have the presence of mind to be able to look back on this time in my life with any kind of clarity.

For right now, I deal with personal loss in the most simplistic ways I can. I will take a nap, I will take a bath, if the weather permits, I take a walk. Sometimes I bake things but that doesn't always work. I try to distract myself, I can't come at it head on. I can't look at pictures or projects we've done together. I can't look at the trees we planted together and know he won't be here to see them this spring. I have to go away from home and take a drive.

I don't know if this is avoidance, it's probably not healthy but I don't know any other way. I just try to do anything that takes my mind away. I hope to be able to get to the point that I can be happy thinking of him and the life we had together. Right now it's too overwhelming, it's too painful. I know that it will come, as so many have told me, it takes time. I want that time to come soon but it will take it's own time in coming to me, it's not something that can be rushed. I am finding that nothing in this journey will be rushed, it takes its own time. Until then, I take it one day at a time, the only way I know how.


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## SocialbFly (Feb 8, 2010)

steely said:


> I've been thinking about this thread and I want to try to answer. It's not a complete answer, I don't know if I'll ever have the presence of mind to be able to look back on this time in my life with any kind of clarity.
> 
> For right now, I deal with personal loss in the most simplistic ways I can. I will take a nap, I will take a bath, if the weather permits, I take a walk. Sometimes I bake things but that doesn't always work. I try to distract myself, I can't come at it head on. I can't look at pictures or projects we've done together. I can't look at the trees we planted together and know he won't be here to see them this spring. I have to go away from home and take a drive.
> 
> I don't know if this is avoidance, it's probably not healthy but I don't know any other way. I just try to do anything that takes my mind away. I hope to be able to get to the point that I can be happy thinking of him and the life we had together. Right now it's too overwhelming, it's too painful. I know that it will come, as so many have told me, it takes time. I want that time to come soon but it will take it's own time in coming to me, it's not something that can be rushed. I am finding that nothing in this journey will be rushed, it takes its own time. Until then, I take it one day at a time, the only way I know how.



Steely, i know what they tell us all the time in dealing with death, there is no right or wrong way, there is whatever gets you thru...you are right, we all know time helps to heal, but so many things trigger us, when i would drive to work, the hospital where my dad died is right next to where i work...i used to think, "i need to go see dad" then it would dawn on me, wow, cant do that...it would surprise me, for even years later i would think that....

just do what works for you, and keep sharing, for you may find in the process of helping someone else, you help you too...hugs...


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## butch (Feb 9, 2010)

I am a depressive person by nature, and have struggled with crippling bouts of depression many times in my life that have been made worse by having to deal with deep seated feelings of not being good enough. When I was suffering through my last bout of severe depression (which was a time period when I was an active poster here at Dims and suffering from a loss that felt huge to me), I finally relented and went to a therapist. I'd seen therapists of all kinds before, but felt they weren't effective.

So, what changed this time? I decided to be honest. No more fears about what they would think about me, no more worries about being judged, etc, and I just opened up about all my fears, my quirks, and everything else. 

In doing that, I was able to get better, and to learn how to tell my brain not to fall back into old thinking patterns that left me depressed, sad, angry, full of despair, and feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. Really, the difference is night and day, and I am so glad that I decided to give therapy 'once last chance.'

I have to clarify that the losses in my life don't begin to measure up to the losses of others, but when one is prone to depression, it sometimes can be very hard to not feel as if one's own sadness isn't the biggest loss of all. Today I can more easily recognize my blessings, and to offer more empathy to those whose sufferings are much greater than mine have ever been.

Thanks for starting this thread, SocialbFly. It should be very helpful to a lot of us.


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## Melian (Feb 9, 2010)

I read this thread while I was at work....went home and immediately got a phonecall that one of my best friends committed suicide. She was JUST at my apartment the other day - we talked for a long time, and there was zero indication that she would do this.

I'm completely devastated...but am in shock, so no emotion is evident. That's how I tend to deal with things


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## butch (Feb 9, 2010)

Melian said:


> I read this thread while I was at work....went home and immediately got a phonecall that one of my best friends committed suicide. She was JUST at my apartment the other day - we talked for a long time, and there was zero indication that she would do this.
> 
> I'm completely devastated...but am in shock, so no emotion is evident. That's how I tend to deal with things



Oh Melian, I am so sorry, and send my condolences your way. I wish I could be there to offer some comfort or help, or just some ears to listen, but if you need anything I can provide long-distance, please let me know.

I wish nobody ever had to feel that way, and wish there was more to do to keep people from feeling that way.

((((((((Melian))))))))))))))


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## steely (Feb 9, 2010)

Melian said:


> I read this thread while I was at work....went home and immediately got a phonecall that one of my best friends committed suicide. She was JUST at my apartment the other day - we talked for a long time, and there was zero indication that she would do this.
> 
> I'm completely devastated...but am in shock, so no emotion is evident. That's how I tend to deal with things



I'm so sorry to hear this, my thoughts are with you.


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## Ruffie (Feb 12, 2010)

Melian I am so sorry to hear of your news. Having dealt with suicide in the family and with the kids I work with I know of what yo are feeling. I am here if you want to PM me to talk.

Dealing with losses and difficulties has been a big part of my life. I guess I just don't want the bad stuff to win. When I have lost someone I love I remember that if it were me I would want them to go on with life so I do. When life hands me some lemons I am stubborn enough to not let the bastards get me down, I am gonna show em. Of course I do take the time to put on my pity party hat and wallow. But I also reach out to friends and family, attend a healing circle regularily, and journal or write poetry to get the negativity and pain out.


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## Ruffie (Feb 16, 2010)

And we just lost another youth to suicide this weekend, such a shock!


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## butch (Feb 18, 2010)

Ruffie said:


> And we just lost another youth to suicide this weekend, such a shock!



Oh gosh, Ruffie, so sorry to hear this. ((((((((((((Ruffie)))))))))))))


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## steely (Feb 19, 2010)

Lately I have been using music to help with the loss I feel. I had forgotten music. How I could forget music, I have no idea? Music has shaped my life for as long as I can remember. It is with me every moment, I wake with a song in my mind, a melody dancing through my head. It's always been this way. I lost the desire, not the desire because the music was in my head the whole time but I had forgotten how to let it make me feel good. 

Harold and I never had a 'song', he didn't do music the way I do. It wasn't a part of him the way it is with me. He enjoyed it and liked to listen to me sing but it didn't touch him, the way it does me. This is a good thing in a way because I don't have to avoid certain songs because they make me sad. I can take songs from anytime and enjoy the feeling of happiness they give me. The feeling that I will go on and the music will be there with me the way it always has been.

The music has come back to me, I feel lighter and can breathe again. With the approaching spring, I feel better. I can see my life and that I will go on. No, it will never be the same but it will be all right. I will be all right.


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## Candi the Pear (Feb 20, 2010)

Sorry to hear about everyones losses. Melian and ruffie, suicide is tough. My grandfather commited suicide on thanksgiving this past yr. I have dealt with more loss close to me in the last 10 months then i have my whole life.
Having lost my very young infant daughter less then a year ago I struggle everyday with ways to deal with this. I am not sure I have yet found what is working for me. It is such a struggle to just get out of bed most days to get dressed and make it to work on time, then to make it home before having a meltdown. I go to work because I have to, everything else is optional. I am just waiting for the day when all this starts to get easier. When that will be? who knows. only time will tell.


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## Risible (Feb 20, 2010)

Candi the Pear said:


> Sorry to hear about everyones losses. Melian and ruffie, suicide is tough. My grandfather commited suicide on thanksgiving this past yr. I have dealt with more loss close to me in the last 10 months then i have my whole life.
> Having lost my very young infant daughter less then a year ago I struggle everyday with ways to deal with this. I am not sure I have yet found what is working for me. It is such a struggle to just get out of bed most days to get dressed and make it to work on time, then to make it home before having a meltdown. I go to work because I have to, everything else is optional. I am just waiting for the day when all this starts to get easier. When that will be? who knows. only time will tell.



I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, Candi.


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## NYCGabriel (Feb 21, 2010)

*To Melian:* Oh my god!  That must've been so horrible. I'll pray for you and your friend's family
=====================
I don't know how to properly deal with loss. I lost my father in 2006, I lost my godfather in 2008, my beloved godmother moved back to Cuba last year. The worst was when I lost my first girlfriend to lupus in 1998. I never really recovered from that and I got little emotional support from my estranged parents. 

In the span of 4 year. I've lost so many friends and family, I just almost gave up. Three times in fact. Nothing I've done seems to work. Group therapy, medication, even talking to my some of my friends from Facebook doesn't seem to work. I think not being able to properly deal with the pain and grief makes my cyclothymia even worse. There are days I am just so overwhelmed, I want to stay in bed and isolate myself. :really sad:


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## NYCGabriel (Feb 21, 2010)

SocialbFly said:


> Dont let other peoples reactions at your time of loss determine you friendship with them in the future. Sometimes insensitivity can be unintentional. Even though deep sorrow can be felt for your situation, the awkwardness for loss of words can happen in the time of your emotional need.



While this is true to a certain degree, one sees who their real friends are in times of crisis.

Last year after an emotionally devastating breakup, I was forced to move back home to live with my mother. The depression was so severe my immunity almost shut down (at the time I was still recovering from losing my godfather in late 2008), I sought out some friends for some company so I can keep myself distracted. 

I was shocked and disappointed to see them snub me :really sad: Emails weren't returned, phonecalls sent to voicemails and e-cards with generic messages of sympathy were sent to me. I was heart broken. These were people I made food for when they were hungry and didn't have money. I offered a woman a place to stay for the night when things were going bad with her girlfriend. Another I gave money to pay for their rent. I spent a weekend with another friend to make sure he doesn't take the final step after enduring a really horrific breakup. Those people I thought I was friends with let me twist in the wind. I never felt more alone in my life. 

Fortunately I had some others that called me up every day and sent me emails in an effort to keep my spirits up. It's a shame that they were very very far away from me (one lives in Scotland in fact) and couldn't keep me company.

The ones who didn't help me get through my year of hell, I removed from Facebook for good.


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## LillyBBBW (Feb 22, 2010)

The worst thing about loss for me was the idea of having to go on with my life in the same manner I did before. I worried about going out and facing the world having to act like everything was ok when it surely wasn't. What am I going to do, what am I going to say, etc. I had to just go ahead and be myself and not worry about manicuring every moment of the day. I was astonished at how much easier this made things. If anyone sensed anything and asked I just apologized and told them that I'm not myself. It was an ongoing process though. Months later when it seemed I was doing okay I would suddenly be overwhelmed with this urge from out of nowhere to cry like a toddler. I just quietly lead myself to the ladies room and let it pass. I told myself that if things got really bad I woud just tell my boss that I wasn't feeling well and that I was going to go home as soon as Suzie gets in and everyone has had their break. I never had to use that excuse.

Someone mentioned music! I totally use music as an outlet. I was asked to prepare a song to perform at a funeral and this song really struck a chord with everyone. It's one of my favorites:

Tracy Champman - The Promise

The other is just another that touches me:

Kate Rusby - I Am Stretched On Your Grave


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## Seraphina (Feb 22, 2010)

I haven't suffered anywhere near the losses that some of you have so part of me feels guilty for posting. In the last year I lost two of my treasured kitties, my unborn twins and I have just found out my grandad is dying of stomach cancer.

I think the only way I have learned to cope is by being realistic with myself and admitting that it is ok to have a bad day and just say "hey this is terrible and I am allowed to go back to bed and wallow" allowing myself to do that means I do get up each day. I try not to beat myself up for feeling down because I find it easy to think I should be pulling myself together and just getting on with things. I guess I've learned there is nothing wrong with wanting some time out and some time away to be with my thoughts. I think that is the best lesson, to live with my grief rather than burying it.


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## steely (Feb 22, 2010)

Seraphina said:


> I haven't suffered anywhere near the losses that some of you have so part of me feels guilty for posting. In the last year I lost two of my treasured kitties, my unborn twins and I have just found out my grandad is dying of stomach cancer.
> 
> I think the only way I have learned to cope is by being realistic with myself and admitting that it is ok to have a bad day and just say "hey this is terrible and I am allowed to go back to bed and wallow" allowing myself to do that means I do get up each day. I try not to beat myself up for feeling down because I find it easy to think I should be pulling myself together and just getting on with things. I guess I've learned there is nothing wrong with wanting some time out and some time away to be with my thoughts. I think that is the best lesson, to live with my grief rather than burying it.



Your losses are just as important to you as everyone elses are to them. It's not a matter of who has it harder than anyone else. It only matters that you lost what you loved dearly. Never be concerned about sharing when you feel that you want to share. I often hear people say that losing an unborn child is not the same as losing a child. I don't believe that and I never will. In some ways the loss is all the more devastating for never having known what could've been. I am sorry for the losses you have suffered.


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## NYCGabriel (Feb 22, 2010)

LillyBBBW said:


> The worst thing about loss for me was the idea of having to go on with my life in the same manner I did before. I worried about going out and facing the world having to act like everything was ok when it surely wasn't. What am I going to do, what am I going to say, etc. I had to just go ahead and be myself and not worry about manicuring every moment of the day. I was astonished at how much easier this made things. If anyone sensed anything and asked I just apologized and told them that I'm not myself. It was an ongoing process though. Months later when it seemed I was doing okay I would suddenly be overwhelmed with this urge from out of nowhere to cry like a toddler. I just quietly lead myself to the ladies room and let it pass. I told myself that if things got really bad I woud just tell my boss that I wasn't feeling well and that I was going to go home as soon as Suzie gets in and everyone has had their break. I never had to use that excuse.



This has been happening a lot to me


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## NYCGabriel (Feb 22, 2010)

Seraphina said:


> I haven't suffered anywhere near the losses that some of you have so part of me feels guilty for posting. In the last year I lost two of my treasured kitties, my unborn twins and I have just found out my grandad is dying of stomach cancer.




OMG seraphina, you went through so much  !! No one loss is any less important than the other.You shouldn't feel guilty at all. 

I lost 2 cats of my own. My calico whom I've had since 1987 was put to sleep in early 2006 and I was forced to give up my tabby in 2005. As for your unborn twins, msg. me their names privately and I'll pray for them. 

My heart broke when I read your grandfather was dying from stomach cancer. I won't give you any bland, generic comments of support because I think it's not right. Instead, I will pray that his passing will be peaceful and will also pray for everyone in your family who was close to him. I know all too well the pain of watching someone die slowly :sad:

My dad was wasting away from 2005 to 2006 due to Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. He succumbed to a myriad of complications relating to his immunity shutting down. He died a week before Thanksgiving. My beloved godfather (whom I bonded with because he and his wife protected me from some of my parents' emotional abuses) was losing his battle against Alzheimer's. In 2008 he also died a little before Thanksgiving. Late last year my godmom went back to Cuba to be around her blood relations when she dies. And now I'm all alone.


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## Candi the Pear (Feb 22, 2010)

I often hear people say that losing an unborn child is not the same as losing a child. I don't believe that and I never will. In some ways the loss is all the more devastating for never having known what could've been. I am sorry for the losses you have suffered.[/QUOTE]

I agree 100% here. unborn or born too early to make it, still a child, the unknown hurts sooo much! I know, My daughter was born right at 6 months and only lived for 9 hours.


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## Seraphina (Feb 23, 2010)

Thank you for your kind words.

I think my grief at losing my twins is different in some ways because I am grieving for what they could have been and not what they were. They were still tiny but with potential and in some ways that makes it worse because I don't have any memories of them to share.

I feel so sad that everyone here has experienced such loss, I know it's just part of the cycle of life but that doesn't make it any easier for any of us. I hope it's ok to say that I will pray for you all to find peace with your grief, I don't think grief ever leaves any of us but I think at some point we find a place where the memories are more joyous than painful.

One of the things that has helped me through all of the loss is a new life, I rescued a Border Collie pup last Christmas and she has been my little ray of light, my best friend and quite often my tissue (how she puts up with my sniveling and snotting in her fur I will never know!), bless her but her lust for life has really pulled me through at times when I could have curled up and died.


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## Ho Ho Tai (Feb 24, 2010)

Friends -

I have watched this thread develop and have read all of the posts, sometimes crying, always realizing that I will never be able to find the thoughts and the words with the depth and beauty I find here.

I will post my own thoughts here, eventually. I can do no less. Though I am 72 y.o., have lost both parents and a number of friends, all of these deaths were expected, occurring at the ends of full lives. My greatest dread is the day that claims either Mrs Ho Ho or myself. Whoever remains will mourn the other, of course. But even if I am first (and in all likelihood I will be) in my final moments it will not be either of us that I will mourn. It will be the relationship.

I come here to share, but also to learn from the magnificent souls, and expressions that they have been posted. 

I am not ready to post my thoughts, as yet, but I do have something to share.

Trees are important to us, Mrs Ho Ho and me, for multiple reasons. In cleaning and sorting out our bookshelves I came across the brief article below. It was published in our local paper in 2002. I cannot find proper reference for it but I believe it was an editorial.

It is about the death of a tree which had to be felled because of disease. There were some comments mocking the silliness of eulogizing a mere tree! I can't believe such shallowness. Whether the bell tolls, or the chainsaw rings out, it tolls for thee.

"Saying goodbye - The great old tree reached the end."

It was a grand one, the boulevard elm - reaching effortlessly into the Minneapolis sky. It asked nothing of its neighbors, yet year upon year lent its cool shadow to the cottage-y house on the corner. It carried its age lightly - branching out in vast but modest majesty, contributing to the rooftop canopy. Just another streetside elm, it got no thanks from passersby. No thanks, at least, until the afternoon it received last rites from the urban foresters, and acquired the orange ring that foretells the end.

Only a week went by before the surgery crew arrived. Death comes to an elm tree not with a bang, but in a dayslong dismemberment.

First the feathery tips fall to the earth, and then the bold young branches. Elm-shards pile up alongside the still-standing patient - it's thickest limbs issuing a last skyward call. The lopped limbs speak a sad and stilted tree-poetry, each stanza hacked off in mid-melody. The sun glares through the emptied space, haunting a lawn better acquainted with cool dark.

And what does the wind do when a dancing partner departs? Without a tangle of limbs to tussle, surely it mourns.

A whole city mourns, tree by fallen tree. The foresters speak as doctors do: "There's nothing more we can do." It's true, all right, and death comes eventually to all. But trees loom so large and reach so surely into the soil that they seem somehow immortal. Generations live and die in their shelter; their unassuming majesty so governs the landscape that we neglect to imagine a treeless world.

Best not to imagine. It's shocking enough to see a single orange ring, to witness the dismantling of a lone giant. And when the last limb is lopped and the trunk torn from it's moorings, the wound left behind is felt not only by the Earth. It lingers in the forlorn air, in the lonely sweep of empty sky. It hovers in the hearts of the cottage-dwellers and the passersby, who notice too late that they took a friend for granted.

Isn't it always so when those near and dear are lost? It must be why a certain poet saw fit to end his 73rd sonnet with a solemn reminder: ". . . Love that well which thou must leave ere long."


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## NYCGabriel (Feb 27, 2010)

that was an amazing article!


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## SocialbFly (Feb 28, 2010)

This is not to make my stories any more or less impacting than any other loss here...i lost my mom in 2005, 2 months after i had moved home...my brother was an utter ass thru it...i decided to move to Australia again in 2007, for so many reasons, but also, heck i am getting older, so i thought it was a good idea to sow my last wild oats...in the process i ended up having severe friend issues and for the first time in my life, lost what i considered to be two significant friends...i moved back...took an ok job, but met the lovely SoCal group (you know who you are, thank you) of dims friends....Risible and Bio have been my touchstones to reality and my friends here thru thick (but never thin) times, i truly dont know how to tell you how many times i have talked to them and gotten sane feedback...i lost my job, then was 2 months without one (in the nursing field this is SOOOO unheard of, awful sign of the economic times) i found a half ass job that is not what i wanted, bt i went there with hope...i cant wait to leave it, the level of frustration there is almost unmanageable...


but what continues to haunt me is my old job in st louis, the loss i felt while taking care of the sickest of the sick kids...the dad who i held up while i held his 20 year old sons bleeding femoral artery so he didnt bleed out in front of his dad (he was tech gone already) while he cried and begged his son to stay and play video games with him, is burned in to my memory like a brand...the 16 year old cheerleader, who had myocarditis and was on ventricular support devides and bleeding like a stuck pig (a can of soda an hour) and when her family woke her up, she bled 2 cans of soda an hour. I asked the family to try not to wake her up, talk to her when she was awake, but dont wake her...i regret that everyday, since she had a stroke and died the very next day...did they get to say wht they needed to say, or did i prevent that when i asked them to try not to wake her, so i could keep up with the blood products she needed to keep her alive...i will never know, but those two above all others haunt me...i know i did so much good, i have several family's who are on my facebook page that remind me of the good, but the bad visit too...

loss is not measured by a specific time or ruler...it is measured in our hearts, each persons loss is a specific ring in the tree of their life...some rings cut so deeply and others while they hurt, are barely a scratch...and so we live and survive and try to get thru another day...

hugs to everyone here...loss is something we all feel in varying degrees, some bury it, some live it, some wallow in it unable to get out of it for whatever reason, some never recover from it...but it affects us all...


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## SocialbFly (Feb 28, 2010)

Ho Ho Tai said:


> Friends -
> "Isn't it always so when those near and dear are lost? It must be why a certain poet saw fit to end his 73rd sonnet with a solemn reminder: ". . . Love that well which thou must leave ere long."




that was beautiful HoHo...


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## SocialbFly (Feb 28, 2010)

NYCGabriel said:


> that was an amazing article!



welcome in Gabe. Good to see you here.


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