# Acceptance For Newbies



## CuteyChubb (Aug 12, 2007)

I've been doing some reading of threads here lately and found that there seems to be some lack of understanding toward those who are new in their pursuit of acceptance. 

From my own experience, when I found this place and began to post, I think for the most part I was accepted and embraced. Some ignored me and still do.

After reading some posts directed toward others, I wonder if we might remember how it felt to be brand new to this concept of size acceptance or self acceptance.

We all have different stories and different POV's but there is a date under our avatar and that alone might clue us in as to the length of time a person has been here as well as the length of time someone might have found this concept. 

I hope we would all try to be more accepting of someone who does not have their self esteem in check yet and realize the last thing they need is to not feel accepted here.

To all who are new or still learning to love yourself, WELCOME. You will be glad you came.


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## pani (Aug 12, 2007)

Hi "CuteyChubb!" You are indeed beautiful! In my own personal opinion, I think sometimes people forget to be inclusive. I have posted several activist posts that have been ignored, or at least no replies. I don't think it is deliberate. Maybe as in real life, there is a click and sometimes people get unintentionally left out. Everyone has their own interests. You do raise a GREAT point though. Maybe we can be more conscious of responding to everyone, not just our friends. Good for you for speaking out about your feelings. As I said, even though it is not intentional, I think probably many folks feel the same way.


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## AnnMarie (Aug 12, 2007)

I think you're right to some extent, in all areas. Not just on acceptance, but on special issues on other boards as well. Everyone had to start somewhere, and while it may be frustrating at times when we're a bit removed from that place, it's others who were further along who led us down the path. 

I am fully behind anyone who's here wanting to change and find a new way to view themselves. I admittedly have no patience for those who are only here to judge and be negative when they have no intent or desire to be more positive about themselves, their size, their attitude, etc. 

I'm here for people who want to change, are open to things. I can't waste my time and energy on those who are content in their own misery and hell bent on spreading it around. And that's not just the boards, that's how I deal with people in all parts of my life. 

Good post, cutey.


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## Surlysomething (Aug 12, 2007)

CuteyChubb said:


> I've been doing some reading of threads here lately and found that there seems to be some lack of understanding toward those who are new in their pursuit of acceptance.
> 
> From my own experience, when I found this place and began to post, I think for the most part I was accepted and embraced. Some ignored me and still do.
> 
> ...




great post

i've struggled being here in general
-not feeling included
-feeling judged very harshly
-too cliquey
but i've decided to stick it out and find the good in it and there's lots of good
there will always be cliques and people that will say black to your white just out of spite 
and just like you can choose not to be friends with these people in real life, you can choose not to buy into them on the boards too

:bow:


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## Ruffie (Aug 12, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> great post
> 
> i've struggled being here in general
> -not feeling included
> ...



I have dealt with this also over the years but I keep coming back for the great people I meet. The rest of the folks I am polite when speaking to them or here on the boards responding to posts. But I have realized that they tear me down out of their own insecurities and its not my job to fit into their version of who I should be. Rather I choose to be my own person, be myself online and off and not play the games.
I hope you have many great years here at Dimensions as I have had.
Ruth


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## kr7 (Aug 12, 2007)

Hmmm..... interesting point, and a great thread.  I am sort of a newbie (only joined a few months ago), but my personal experience here has been very positive. I don't feel ignored or left out at all. I don't really expect people to reply to every single of my posts. If they don't, I don't think that they are ignoring me, I think they simply don't have anything of interest to add, maybe no opinion on the subject. I find that in general people here are very friendly and giving and positive. Sometimes strong opinions are expressed, and that's fine. It is a discussion forum after all.

I think that a lot of the time, there are certain people that tend to post on certain boards due to their interests, so after a while they become more acquainted with other posters on that board. In another instance, some people hang out together at events outside the cyber world, and become friends that route. So, there are some people that will have more to say to certain others, simply due to the fact that they are better acquainted with each other. I really don't believe that there are these exclusive cliques at work here. It's more like people that just know each other a little better. Being a newbie, I don't really know anyone very well yet, but there are many people here whose opinion I respect, and I can't say I feel excluded by any of them.  

Chris


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## oneqtpieami (Aug 12, 2007)

Hi ladies. Im new here too and have only had positive experiences so far. I came here feeling really good about myself so maybe I did not need the positive comments that some do but I am willing to contribute to those that dont feel good about being fat.

I think its great that you are speaking up about feeling ignored and or insulted. Im sorry if you have taken what the a-holes of the world have said/done to you to heart. Here is a quote not fat specific but one I love anyway. I hope you can love yourself enough to blow off the many haters out there.

*"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt*


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## squurp (Aug 12, 2007)

CuteyChubb said:


> I've been doing some reading of threads here lately and found that there seems to be some lack of understanding toward those who are new in their pursuit of acceptance.
> 
> From my own experience, when I found this place and began to post, I think for the most part I was accepted and embraced. Some ignored me and still do.
> 
> ...





On acceptance and refusing to judge:

not judging someone is a quiet act. It is simply letting others be. It is to accept all as they come, and let all exist with no fanfare, no bragging. It is a silent act.

To judge someone, is a "vocal" act. First, one must judge someone to be imperfect, and then, what good is judging if you don't make your pronouncement to others? It is direct, and pointed.

SO, sometimes when people join communities like this, the first, most vocal people they encounter are judgemental or clique-y or whatever you want to call it. 

I don't know that there is another way around this, besides taking the time to find out the people that really fit with you.

Good luck to all of you, and I hope you find in this site, what you are looking for.


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## Ned Sonntag (Aug 12, 2007)

Newbies are especially tasty roasted on a spit over an open mesquite fire with chipotle sauce.:eat2: No seriously we are a welcoming community...:kiss2:


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## cute_obese_girl (Aug 12, 2007)

I've been around since the old boards and it seems like we just get way more traffic on the boards than ever before. I don't really feel like there is really a problem with cliques or exclusions now, nor when I was new. I just think that there is such an influx of new people all the time that its hard to keep up with. 

If a new person starts a thread and it dies quickly don't worry about it. It takes a while to get a feel for the community. Maybe its something that's just totally off topic, or maybe its something that there has already been a thread about a hundred times before. Its understandable. Just look around use the search function, and even revive old threads if you feel you have something to add. Whatever you do though, just give Dims a chance, its worth it.


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## Sandie S-R (Aug 12, 2007)

Just throwing out the perspective of someone who is the complete and total opposite of a newbie: me. 

I don't think any of us old timers are attempting to exclude or not accept any of the new people. But in this community, many of us are actually real life friends that have been around fat acceptance for 10, 15, 20 years (or more in the case of a few of us -  ). Because of that, there are some inside jokes and and long standing "histories" that you new folks don't always understand. It certainly isn't meant as a slight, by any means. And like it has been said, I think most of us really try to welcome new folks. Especially those that are open and willing to join in in a positive way.


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## Tina (Aug 13, 2007)

The best cure for not feeling included? Start some interesting threads and post more. In the process of posting, tell us some tidbits about you that make you memorable. With so many boards here, hundreds of posters and even more hundreds of new posts per day, it's easy to get lost in the shuffle. Believe me, you'll eventually become part of the 'clique,' because really, the only cliques are just people who have gotten to know and remember each other.


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## Shosh (Aug 13, 2007)

Gday Cutey, Excellant post.  Susannah


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## qwertyman173 (Aug 13, 2007)

Still trying to find my place here. Trying hard though


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 13, 2007)

Cutey, this is an _excellent_ thread. I tried (again!) to rep you and still can't.  

I need to go on a rep spree so I can getcha again 

I think it's great for newbies to see that it is the natural flow of this kind of forum for there to be a "familiarity curve" as people get to know them. And we've all experienced feeling invisible - I pride myself on being a thread killer. I post, and all reponses stop 

One other point that we've been trying to make lately on some of the boards, is that when members jump on posters who are questionable, it can make the newbies uncomfortable. The newbies haven't been around long enough to always know a total phony poster from one with a hidden agenda from a truly sincere person looking for information. If they see people attack a poster, the newbies find themselves leery of putting themselves out there and risking the same kind of response.

So I love this thread. I'd love to see people who haven't felt welcome pop in and let us know so we can be more aware.

Thanks, Cutey!


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## Sugar Magnolia (Aug 13, 2007)

Not letting SVS kill this thread!

I've thought of myself as a thread killer a couple times at first, then I realized it's nothing personal. It hasn't stopped me and I do plan on posting more. It's true, you do have to jump in and post - let others get to know you and what you're about.

Actually, SVS, I met you in passing in Philly several years back. Philly was my first glimpse into the world of fat acceptance. We don't really know each other, but I saw a plate with a lobster motif at the store the other day, and thought of you. Whenever I'm looking for a new vegetarian recipe, I think about Megan. Kinda neat, huh? I feel like I know some of you from the little glimpses you allow us to read about your lives. This is a wonderful group of people here who stand on common ground - it's so cool to find something like this online. Thanks to everyone that made me feel welcome!


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 13, 2007)

Sugar Magnolia said:


> Not letting SVS kill this thread!...(*snip*)
> Actually, SVS, I met you in passing in Philly several years back. Philly was my first glimpse into the world of fat acceptance. We don't really know each other, but I saw a plate with a lobster motif at the store the other day, and thought of you....



Heh! I noticed no one had responded for a while and I said "seeeeee??" *grin*

I am wracking my brain to remember us meeting! Sometimes the bigger events are kind of a blur 

And lobster?? Why would you think of me?? *innocent*


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## squurp (Aug 13, 2007)

qwertyman173 said:


> Still trying to find my place here. Trying hard though



Its really not about trying hard. . . its about being patient. just go slow, get a feel for things, and ease your way in.


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## qwertyman173 (Aug 14, 2007)

True, but I also feel that you get out what you put in


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## Midori (Aug 14, 2007)

I'm a newbie too ... (somehow this feels like a 12 step confession ... "hi, I'm midori and I'm a newb" ~laughing~) ... I have to give kudos to the Dims community for their warmth and kindness! I have spent years in a pretty guarded online community ... mostly due to the subject nature of the group ... and it's natural magnetism for trolls and fakes. It's not easy when you are new in a community that has experienced a great deal of harrassment, misconceptions, and judgements. Dims does an amazing job of juggling self protection with openness and warmth. 

Simply due to the nature of being a haven for a community that is still mostly free open fodder for ridicule and disdain ... it's never easy to keep your arms open. So many people have been burned by society at large for their weight ... and even here ... people regularly show up with ulterior motives ... be they to have a laugh at others expense or simply dishonestly represent themselves. In spite of the continual flow of disingenuous folks, this community seems to continue to strive for openness and kindness. Some may struggle, as we all do with skepticism on any given day ... but overall ... this community is incredibly and voluntarily vulnerable for the sake of welcoming in others. This is impressive to me! Even this thread is an ever present evidence of the constant striving to embrace and help rather than exclude and close inward.

Thanks ya'll ... it's a an impressive commitment that you've all forged over time and I am very thankful!

&#9834;midori


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## Kareda (Aug 14, 2007)

I kind of feel like an outsider looking in, but I expect it and certainly do not think it is intentional. I assumed that many posters have a history, formed a friendship that I was not present for. I think that is wonderful and look forward to that one day myself here, but I'll be patient for that day.


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## Tina (Aug 14, 2007)

Cutey, I think this thread is important enough to be added to the Important Threads section. And for newbies, check this section out. There is much there about learning to accept and love oneself, relationships with others, and also our admirers speak out, too. Check it out! 

*If You're A Newbie*​
I've seen a pattern that often happens here with posters who are not only new to this board, but also new to size and fat acceptance as a whole; but for now I'm going to focus on those new to this board.

Take a look around and notice how many board sections are here, and how many new posts we have every day. You can also look and see how many are online (though you cannot see those whose preference is set to "invisible"). In any case, it is obvious that there are many, many posters, and even more posts. So please do not dispair if a little ways down the road you still feel invisible, and few seem to 'know' or recognize you or your posts.

We've heard before from some that there are cliques here. If one defines a clique as people who know and talk to each other in familiar ways -- as friends, then yes, I suppose that is true. Given how many people from this board have met IRL at various activities, bashes and little meetups, it's natural for those who have met to be extra-friendly to each other. Not only that, you have posters here, like myself, who have been posting here for almost ten years, and more. It's natural to be familiar with those you're familiar with, redundant as that sounds.  So, some tips.

First, don't just participate in the games threads. Very little real communication goes on there, and you will, in the end, only be memorable for your musical preferences, or silliness with words. Hey, it's better than nothing, but that really doesn't allow us to get to know you.

Second, tell us something about yourself. Post in some meaningful threads that give us something as to who you are, your experiences, etc. Well-traveled threads are often the confession threads, and the like. Short, little but frequent posts, give us a chance to see and know you, and vice-versa.

Third, post more. A person can have 200+ posts and still feel invisible. The reason for that goes back to the size of this board. So don't be discouraged, instead...

Fourth, start some fun threads, meaningful threads, question threads, interesting threads. That will get you noticed.

Still, expect that it can take a while, but you will be noticed; you will make connections and have others here remember you. I know that in my own experience, on other boards, I sometimes felt invisible, or like I just didn't matter. In reflecting on it, I realized that while I posted, it wasn't regularly, and I didn't give much about myself away. So while my avatar was recognizable, the rest of who I am, wasn't.

Hang in there! Believe me, you'll become part of the clique -- the clique being others here who recognize you, and things about you, and greet you with a smile.


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## moonshadow (Aug 18, 2007)

I am a new here, and have never posted before now, although I have been reading the forums for months. For me, finding Dimensions was like finding an entire alternate universe, full of people who share feelings and desires that I previously thought were my own private strangeness. While eager to share the excitement of self discovery with like minded people, it is intimidating when you realize (as AnnMarie said) that many people here are a bit removed from where you are now. I think it's just hard to know where to begin, or how.


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## wrestlingguy (Aug 19, 2007)

moonshadow said:


> I am a new here, and have never posted before now, although I have been reading the forums for months. For me, finding Dimensions was like finding an entire alternate universe, full of people who share feelings and desires that I previously thought were my own private strangeness. While eager to share the excitement of self discovery with like minded people, it is intimidating when you realize (as AnnMarie said) that many people here are a bit removed from where you are now. I think it's just hard to know where to begin, or how.



A long time ago, someone who was a very large project manager asked me how to eat an elephant. I responded "one bite at a time", to which he responded "yes, but SLOWLY". 
I think that is true here as well. There are people who are far removed from where I am now, both with more and less time here than I. While I don't find that intimidating, I realize there are differences in our perspectives at times. AnnMarie had a very elequent post recently about how little snippets in our posts help in showing people who we are. The one thing she didn't mention in my opinion is that each of these posts also help people "perceive" who we are as well. In that perception, a judgement about that person is inevitably made. There are people here who I have come to treasure & appreciate, and others that I know that I couldn't spend more than 5 minutes with, and it's all based on how I have percieved their posts here on Dims.
The most important thing, again, in my opinion, is that we all respect one another. I am offended when someone posts without respecting the feelings of others, and sometimes I act on it. While it may not always be the best way, it's the way that I've come to use.
The internet has made many people brave, and many have become insulting & crass, thinking that there is no penalty for rude & insensitive remarks. That is so unfortunate. The bulk of the posters, however, are more respectful than that.
Thanks to the OP for their insight, and I hope you find all the successive posts (including this one) helpful.


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## Lady at Large (Aug 20, 2007)

Having been a member of some HUGE online communities in the past has prepared me with knowledge know that when I am new anywhere (no matter how delightful I am.  ) certain things are a given...

a) I WILL kill threads,
b) people will talk over and around me to chat with someone they have known longer,
c) some people will rub me the wrong way,
d) I will rub some people the wrong way, 
d) I will (inadvertently lol) rub some people the right way,  
e) and eventually with time I will find people with whom I feel a kinship. 

So while it may seem that some people have been here since God created fat people, without us n00bs, this place would grow stagnant...just remember to stick to the center of the pack, and don't show weakness...they always pick off the stragglers first...


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## JustMe (Aug 22, 2007)

A lot of times I find myself not posting because someone has already said something similar to what I would. Especially if the lead of the thread was based on questions, they've already been answered. All I could do is agree, nothing to add. Quoting others just seems tacky. Just one line agreeing seems wasteful on doesn't really introduce myself.

I could create a post, but where would I begin? Until I've been around the block, I'm not going to ask anything of anyone else. I always expect nothing. I'm not here to talk about myself either in a lead post. I rather much hear about everyone else and just watch, then maybe place myself.

So, it's not shyness or lack of confidence. I rather be useful when my opinion (and most things here are) may count. I'll be around, one post at a time. Till I can say, "I'm here." Which will never happen (and introduction post). I hate to be corney like that.


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## moonshadow (Aug 22, 2007)

JustMe said:


> A lot of times I find myself not posting because someone has already said something similar to what I would. Especially if the lead of the thread was based on questions, they've already been answered. All I could do is agree, nothing to add. Quoting others just seems tacky. Just one line agreeing seems wasteful on doesn't really introduce myself.
> 
> I could create a post, but where would I begin? Until I've been around the block, I'm not going to ask anything of anyone else. I always expect nothing. I'm not here to talk about myself either in a lead post. I rather much hear about everyone else and just watch, then maybe place myself.
> 
> So, it's not shyness or lack of confidence. I rather be useful when my opinion (and most things here are) may count. I'll be around, one post at a time. Till I can say, "I'm here." Which will never happen (and introduction post). I hate to be corney like that.



Well said! I feel exactly the same way.


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## qwertyman173 (Aug 23, 2007)

I know how JustMe and moonshadow feel, as I still consider myself a newbie. I know is sounds like all the same advice, but you just have to keep joining threads, even just to agree with what is being said. If you disagree, say so as well so a discussion can start! Keep it up!


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## willamena31 (Aug 24, 2007)

You know, when I first came here, I kinda felt invisible. I felt like no one really cared what I said, etc. I still sometimes feel that way, but I've taken a look back at some of my posts, and I can really see why no one responded. Like someone told me in one of my posts, I never really gave them any information to respond to. I wasn't opening up. I still do that sometime, that's me in real life too. If people don't ask me questions, then they don't usually hear a lot out of me till I'm used to them. 

It's just like starting a new job or moving somewhere new. I have to get used to people before I can open up. Now I realize that people weren't intentionally ignoring me, I just wasn't really bringing anything worthwhile to the conversation.

Hope that makes sense  

Hugggsss!!
Billie Jo


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## kr7 (Aug 24, 2007)

I just wanted to suggest that if you feel overlooked or invisible, reach out. PM somebody, join a network, give some rep (obviously to someone you feel deserves it), add someone to your buddy list, start an introduction thread. There is no reason why you can't make the first step. It will help you to get to know people.  

Chris


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## willamena31 (Aug 24, 2007)

kr7 said:


> I just wanted to suggest that if you feel overlooked or invisible, reach out. PM somebody, join a network, give some rep (obviously to someone you feel deserves it), add someone to your buddy list, start an introduction thread. There is no reason why you can't make the first step. It will help you to get to know people.
> 
> Chris



Hey Chris, I've been doing that and yeppers it's working. I've been spreading rep around to no tomorrow and getting some back in return  Not sure how to do the network or buddy list thing yet. Am still learning. Just wanted you to know that's great advice! You're very wise :bow:  

Hugggsss!!
Billie Jo


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## kr7 (Aug 24, 2007)

willamena31 said:


> Hey Chris, I've been doing that and yeppers it's working. I've been spreading rep around to no tomorrow and getting some back in return  Not sure how to do the network or buddy list thing yet. Am still learning. Just wanted you to know that's great advice! You're very wise :bow:
> 
> Hugggsss!!
> Billie Jo



Heee! Someone thinks I'm wise! Nener, nener, nener!  

Actually, I kind of discovered the network thingy recently myself. If you want to join someone's network, you click on their profile, and when the page displays there is a link on the top, left hand corner of the page. I think it says "network with _______". You just follow that link. Rest is self explanatory.  

Chris


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## willamena31 (Aug 24, 2007)

kr7 said:


> Heee! Someone thinks I'm wise! Nener, nener, nener!
> 
> Actually, I kind of discovered the network thingy recently myself. If you want to join someone's network, you click on their profile, and when the page displays there is a link on the top, left hand corner of the page. I think it says "network with _______". You just follow that link. Rest is self explanatory.
> 
> Chris



Thanks again Chris! And yes, you are very wise.:bow:  

Hugggsss!!
Billie Jo


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## Ernest Nagel (Aug 25, 2007)

Interestingly enough I've recently been told two different things by long time fixtures of this board, both of whose intelligence and insight I respect and admire that; A) rep points are a popularity contest and B) you have to kick someone's teeth to the curb in order to get noticed and replied to. As a scientist (well ok, mathematician, but I do subscribe to the scientific method - $24.95 per year, incl. handsome set of four periodic table mats) I decided to do my own little experiment. 

I've posted several times in the last day or two things that I considered rep-pable or reply-worthy. At this point I must either concede that I am clueless as to what constitutes a decent post or one or both of these ladies is right. <sighhh> I've been popular. I was the senior class vice president only because I refused to run for president. I can get attention if I want it but it would be attention for making people laugh. As good as that may sound to some of you, trust me, it's overrated. I expect it's not unlike a girl who gets attention for her massive rack. My sense of humor isn't me it's just something I use to keep people from getting to know me. Yeah, and then what if I want people to know me for me? Screwed it would seem. 'cuz I've kicked enough people's teeth to the curb, figuratively and literally, and just don't see the point anymore. C'est la vie? Think I maybe need a vacation.


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## kr7 (Aug 25, 2007)

Ernest,

Let me guess....you're a "half-glass=empty" kind of guy, huh?  Seriously though, don't you think you're taking this thing a little too seriously? Rep is not the holy grail of existence. All it means is that someone really connected with what you posted. Expecting constant affirmation on the boards would be like expecting to be constantly surrounded by "yes" men. Do you seriously want that?

BTW, contrary to what you say, people have responded to you. I have read one of your posts (made either today or yesterday) myself. People have directly responded to it, quoted it, and even discussed it to a degree. I was one of the people making a comment, so I should know.  

Chris


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## Chimpi (Aug 25, 2007)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Interestingly enough I've recently been told two different things by long time fixtures of this board, both of whose intelligence and insight I respect and admire that; A) rep points are a popularity contest and B) you have to kick someone's teeth to the curb in order to get noticed and replied to.
> 
> I've posted several times in the last day or two things that I considered rep-pable or reply-worthy. At this point I must either concede that I am clueless as to what constitutes a decent post or one or both of these ladies is right. <sighhh>



This forum, in my opinion, is not about reputation points, or even reputation itself. Though, it (the reputation, the post it was awarded for, and the comment about the reputation) is a huge chunk of the community here. And by community, I mean the accustomed, welcomed, comparable, and likely communion between one person and another. That sounded smart to me, albeit I must admit I'm not sure if those are the correct words to use. 
I think this board really grows and thrives because of the community throughout the posts, rather than the reputation points. After all, only one person can see your reputation points - and that is _you_. How else can anyone else share in your common interests/views/opinions? - By posting, and participating in the community.

-----------

I have a very good friend who ... well, I'm not quite sure if she's new to Size and/or Fat Acceptance. I really view this sight more as Self Acceptance ("SA"), personally. (Reference to *this post of mine* on "Self Acceptance") Anyway, my friend is very low on self-esteem and confidence. Even though she receives so many praises, from so many different people, and with so many different meanings from each person, she still really has no confidence - in her physical appearance and also in her persona.
I really think this sight can help 'cleanse' that thinking quite well; all though a lot of that has to do with said users' courage, stamina, and willingness to change and learn. The first thing I did when I found out (or at least, _in my opinion_) she needed help was refer her to this site. I was anxious, eager, and happy to show her the potential of what she can be (and hopefully will be!). I believe every person - fat, thin, white, black, tall, short, 'normal', handicapped, intelligent, 'less intelligent', etc... - should have enough self confidence to feel beautiful, inside and out.
It is a cruel nature of this world to criticize oneself. It is even more cruel of this world to discriminate on any level at all. All though, both of these cruel natures are a given, a fact, and a constant. *Sigh*
I am sad when someone views them self as a low-self-worth person. It's irritating to me, because I do not think anyone should have to feel that way - for any reason.

That's all I have to say on this subject at this time. Very, very good thread, Cutey.


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## Midori (Aug 25, 2007)

_Ernest, I'll admit ... I was sorta annoyed at the defeatest tone of your post but I took some time and did a check back over some of your other -rep- worthy posts. ~soft smile~ You know ... I am guessing the most recent ones that you thought would deserve rep just weren't topics of interest to me. HOWEVER, your post on the thread that I started on what you are reading was REALLY interesting. It made me want to get to know you better.

You are obviously intelligent which is a must for me in finding someone of interest and you are obviously rather well read. Another bonus! ~laughs~ I have been away most of this week and have only been able to get on for a few seconds so I had not seen your post in order to comment or rep it. 

The thing is ... posting with the MOTIVE of getting rep is probably a sure sign you are gonna miss the mark. Inevitably, trying too hard in my world is a mark of almost sure failure when it comes to getting acclaim. When I post with PASSION about something that is important to me ... about something I really don't even care of anyone else likes or not ... is usually when I end up getting rep from someone. Sort of ironic isn't it? I've written stuff that I thought was really great only to have it completely ignored ... and well ... that's the way it goes. We don't click with all the people all the time ... right? 

I can tell you this though ... without meaning to maybe ... You clicked with me in a couple of your posts ... even though this one was initially met with a bit of annoyance on my part. I am not too much for a defeatest attitude nor am I one for pandering ... wanting participation in a discussion for dialouge's sake is great. Wanting participation for public approval ... meh. Then again ... I suppose maybe I'm just used to being on the -odd- side and the public approval isn't so important. Me ... I get all wiggy if I think I've offended someone unintentionally ... that's my sticking point. ~grins~

Have heart Ernest ... it might not come in the form you expect ... but ... you aren't invisible ... people see you ... and really ... you NEVER know who is watching! ~winks~

bright blessings!

&#9834;midori_


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## Lady at Large (Aug 25, 2007)

Ernest Nagel said:


> .... My sense of humor isn't me it's just something I use to keep people from getting to know me. Yeah, and then what if I want people to know me for me? ....



If you want people to get to know you for yourself and not for your sense of humor, you are simply going to have to stop posting clever posts.  (I rep-ed you last night on a particularly base and yet snort inducing post! Keep it up mate!)


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## Shosh (Aug 25, 2007)

Earnest, please don't take it all to heart cookie. Rep points are just rep points. They are not an indicator of your worth as a person ok. Meanwhile keep up the good work son with the posts. Shosh


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## qwertyman173 (Aug 25, 2007)

I think that as was said, if you try too hard you get nowhere fast. Less haste more speed as the saying goes. Things come naturally, and if you put the effort into building bridges, and making relationships here, more acceptance will come.

I know it is hard to get started here, I am still finding the same problems as you Ernest, but it is just a case of keeping on trying. Nobody here is a nasty person, and we are all here for pretty much the same reasons. Just be yourself, and it will pick up.


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## Ernest Nagel (Aug 25, 2007)

kr7 said:


> Ernest,
> 
> Let me guess....you're a "half-glass=empty" kind of guy, huh?  Seriously though, don't you think you're taking this thing a little too seriously? Rep is not the holy grail of existence. All it means is that someone really connected with what you posted. Expecting constant affirmation on the boards would be like expecting to be constantly surrounded by "yes" men. Do you seriously want that?
> 
> ...



Um, not aware of any discussion but actually I'm more of a "glass is too damn big" kinda guy. Frankly, I don't even know what rep is, where you get it, or why I'd want it. Statistically, and I am basically a statistician, btw, I just can't see the pattern. I'm really just trying to understand the conversational dynamics. It isn't about what I do or don't take seriously so much as what you do? My field, social network analysis, is a very obscure branch of mathematics. If I had to explain it to an eight-year-old I'd tell them I do story problems for a living (and please note I am not in any way likening you to an eight-year-old!)

I'm seriously, honestly not looking for affirmation here nearly so much as conversation. What I'm trying to ask is why there is so little of that available? My life exists in the context of inquiry. I thrive on it, live in it and it feeds me. I'm intrigued by people who want to talk about ideas and I seem not to be able to attract them outside of my narrow, geek riddled arena. I know a lot of geek FA's who feel exactly the same way. Please feel free to dismiss me, but I'll still be here. I'm really just desperate to participate in an open and honest discourse. If this is not the place I'll just keep shopping. Not a problem, seriously. I'll happily revert to lurker status. All for now.


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## Tina (Aug 25, 2007)

willamena31 said:


> You know, when I first came here, I kinda felt invisible. I felt like no one really cared what I said, etc. I still sometimes feel that way, but I've taken a look back at some of my posts, and I can really see why no one responded. Like someone told me in one of my posts, I never really gave them any information to respond to. I wasn't opening up. I still do that sometime, that's me in real life too. If people don't ask me questions, then they don't usually hear a lot out of me till I'm used to them.


I'm like that too, sometimes. Kind of quiet in person. Being quiet on the boards doesn't work well, though. So glad we're getting to know you, Billie Jo. I'm already liking you and remember you after not very many posts, but you made yourself memorable by letting us see some of your fun and nice personality. 

And the hat. Gotta love the hat.


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## Ernest Nagel (Aug 25, 2007)

Midori said:


> _Ernest, I'll admit ... I was sorta annoyed at the defeatest tone of your post but I took some time and did a check back over some of your other -rep- worthy posts. ~soft smile~ You know ... I am guessing the most recent ones that you thought would deserve rep just weren't topics of interest to me. HOWEVER, your post on the thread that I started on what you are reading was REALLY interesting. It made me want to get to know you better.
> 
> You are obviously intelligent which is a must for me in finding someone of interest and you are obviously rather well read. Another bonus! ~laughs~ I have been away most of this week and have only been able to get on for a few seconds so I had not seen your post in order to comment or rep it.
> 
> ...



Midori, thank you for your wise and thoughtful words. That said, I expect this will be my final post for a while. I've said what I needed to, learned what I wanted to and met someone I hope to remain in conversation with. Sufficient unto the day are the concerns thereof. I am both good and grateful and thankful for my time here. I have some concerns for noobs but they are clearly not mine to address. This is a community, and just as in any community there will always be outcasts. Inclusiveness is a noble idea that has seldom been realized and, truth be told, I am probably happier on the outside looking in.


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## Lady at Large (Aug 25, 2007)

Ernest, I am standing around with my nose pressed against the glass (certainly not on the proverbial 'inside' whatever that might be), so have not room to talk, therefore I will...I don't see you as any sort of outcast. And it would be a crying shame if you took your ball (wit) and went home so early in the game! 

While I am a bit low brow, I do know a few 25 cent words and can hold a proper conversation with the right cues, so um...yeah, stick around!


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Aug 25, 2007)

I sorta came to grips with my insecurities of the forum as I was reading this thread. LoL I'd been contemplating whether it was truly worth the effort to post in threads when I still don't really know many people. I used to pride myself on being able to take other perspectives and come to a better understanding, and yet I never really thought about the idea that so many people are simply more... intimate with each other. They've met in person, or spent endless hours chatting it up. Unfortunately, I've been known to take things slightly too personally.

However, I looked back at some of the posts I've made, and I realized something about why I still post here. It's a community. I may not feel included in everything, but I've never been EXcluded either. There will always be something new, funny, entertaining, or thoughtful for me to read, and when I post I try to do the same. I may still consider a comment of mine funny, even if no one else ever does. I'm used to laughing at my own jokes.  

I'm still learning, and I'm still a youngster. But I'm amusing and considerate and by golly, I contribute my share to the community too, whether you like it or not!

And I look good too, darn it! LoL  

A VERY good thread, and I thank you all for your input on the matter. I have learned much tonight. :bow:


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## Midori (Aug 25, 2007)

&#9824;

i know You prefer black Sir ... but green is my current color of lusty appreciation! ~grins~

&#9834;midori


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Aug 25, 2007)

Hmmm.... I shall add green to my soon-to-be-created arsenal of "Shades of Spades." Spades for everyone, I say!


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## kr7 (Aug 25, 2007)

Ernest Nagel said:


> ........What I'm trying to ask is why there is so little of that available? My life exists in the context of inquiry. I thrive on it, live in it and it feeds me. I'm intrigued by people who want to talk about ideas and I seem not to be able to attract them outside of my narrow, geek riddled arena. I know a lot of geek FA's who feel exactly the same way. Please feel free to dismiss me, but I'll still be here. I'm really just desperate to participate in an open and honest discourse. If this is not the place I'll just keep shopping. Not a problem, seriously. I'll happily revert to lurker status.......



Isn't this conversation? Perhaps, I misunderstand your meaning, but aren't you having a discussion with me, for one? You do send very mixed messages. You want to participate in discourse, but you also feel you need to quit posting. All I can say, Ernest, is that it really is up to you how and if you engage people. If you want to be part of a discussion, then stick around. If you don't, well.....that's fine too (though, I for one would miss your wit). If the problem is that you don't care for what's being discussed or the people who are discussing the subject, you can always start your own thread on a subject that is meaningful to you.



Ernest Nagel said:


> ........truth be told, I am probably happier on the outside looking in.



In all honesty, you do come across that way.

Chris


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## Tina (Aug 25, 2007)

Ernest Nagel said:


> ...truth be told, I am probably happier on the outside looking in.


Some are. And some never feel they fit in no matter where they go, and no matter how welcome they are made to feel. It's a shame, but part of life for some. But remember, it's a choice, and it can be different, if you want it to be.

Also, if you aren't seeing conversation here, what do you think all the text-y-looking stuff is in the various sections of these boards? If this isn't conversational enough for you, maybe you _do_ belong somewhere else. Where, though, I cannot surmise.


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## Baba Fats (Aug 26, 2007)

Dimensions is just like family to me. No one in my family ever pays attention to a damn thing I say.


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## SoVerySoft (Aug 26, 2007)

Baba Fats said:


> Dimensions is just like family to me. No one in my family ever pays attention to a damn thing I say.



LOL...very cute. Oh sorry, was I supposed to ignore you?


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## SilkyAngela (Aug 27, 2007)

I've often felt the same way...and the fear of being rejected still messes with my head at times and clouds my perception whether it's on a message board or in real life social situations. Some patterns of thinking are just damn hard to break. If I expect to be rejected, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy regardless of the effort extended to make me feel welcome. 

I try to tell myself when I feel this way that it's up to me to BE the party and not expect those gathered to make or break my good time. I have a long history of being more concerned with others accepting me than accepting myself enough to _just be me_ and see what happens. Often I have to remind myself that EVERYONE has something to contribute (and I'm a part of EVERYONE. lol) in order to toss that shell off and get involved. 

It isn't always easy to put into practice, but it always proves worth the effort when I do.


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## Shosh (Aug 27, 2007)

Well you do have a lot to contribute Angela. Post away. Susannah


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Aug 27, 2007)

Things can get cliquish here from time to time. I get disgusted and usually take a break at that point.


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## Esme (Aug 27, 2007)

You know, there are times when I still feel like I'm not "in" with the majority of folks here. I think that's my own insecurities though. One thing I try to do is to talk to people who have recently joined, because I know I appreciate it when people are kind to me and/or notice me. Lilly made me feel good just last week when she said I wan't a noob!  Thank Lilly!  

I also agree with Tina. Sometimes I don't let out much of who I really am in my posts. When I realize I'm doing that, I'll make an effort to be more open. It's just a matter of keeping myself conscious of it, and continuing to try. It's good advice.


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## willamena31 (Aug 28, 2007)

Esme said:


> You know, there are times when I still feel like I'm not "in" with the majority of folks here. I think that's my own insecurities though. One thing I try to do is to talk to people who have recently joined, because I know I appreciate it when people are kind to me and/or notice me. Lilly made me feel good just last week when she said I wan't a noob!  Thank Lilly!
> 
> I also agree with Tina. Sometimes I don't let out much of who I really am in my posts. When I realize I'm doing that, I'll make an effort to be more open. It's just a matter of keeping myself conscious of it, and continuing to try. It's good advice.



It's good to know that even some of the people who have been here for a while feel the same somtimes. It helps me to understand that I'm not as alone as I think I am sometimes 

Sometimes too I tend to... I guess you could say, second guess myself? I want to respond to certain posts, but then either I do, and look at what I write and think... "does that even make sense?" Or "They're all going to think I'm stupid." My train (right spelling??) of thought gets lost sometimes and I feel like I'm writing in circles, etc. So then I don't post. I need to learn to just hit the send button!! LOL Cuz if I don't, then how in the world is anyone really going to get to know me?? I'm slowly trying to get over this. LOL It's taking some time to do it though:doh: 

Hugggsss!!
Billie Jo


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## Wagimawr (Aug 28, 2007)

willamena31 said:


> "does that even make sense?"


Abandon this train of thought. If you have something to add, toss it out there (unless it's unnecessarily hateful or nasty) - even if you think you make sense, there's always the possibility of someone else dumber than you that doesn't quite get what you're saying, so just say stuff if you deem it necessary - others will help guide you if you get too far off track, certainly.


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## willamena31 (Aug 28, 2007)

Wagimawr said:


> Abandon this train of thought. If you have something to add, toss it out there (unless it's unnecessarily hateful or nasty) - even if you think you make sense, there's always the possibility of someone else dumber than you that doesn't quite get what you're saying, so just say stuff if you deem it necessary - others will help guide you if you get too far off track, certainly.



Thanks for the advice Wagimawr. Believe me, I'm getting better. I almost didn't post that last... umm well, post!! LOL Now I'm wondering if I should post this one My attempt at being funny:doh: 

Hugggsss!!
Billie Jo


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## Wagimawr (Aug 28, 2007)

Less wondering, more posting. 

You'll see just about nobody around here self-censors, and for good reason.


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## kr7 (Aug 28, 2007)

I most definitely second that thought. Don't forget that not every single post you submit has to be earth-shaking, world-changing, profound event. Just be you.  

Chris


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## waldo (Aug 28, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> This forum, in my opinion, is not about reputation points, or even reputation itself. Though, it (the reputation, the post it was awarded for, and the comment about the reputation) is a huge chunk of the community here. And by community, I mean the accustomed, welcomed, comparable, and likely communion between one person and another. That sounded smart to me, albeit I must admit I'm not sure if those are the correct words to use.
> I think this board really grows and thrives because of the community throughout the posts, rather than the reputation points. *After all, only one person can see your reputation points - and that is you. *How else can anyone else share in your common interests/views/opinions? - By posting, and participating in the community.
> 
> -----------
> ...




While no-one else can see an individual member's rep point total, the number of green and orange boxes, which are proportional to the number of points, is viewable by anyone. I preferred when those were made to be invisible. Also, it is possible to view the member list in order of number of rep points received.


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## William (Aug 28, 2007)

Hey!!

You have more cans that I do already!!



Anyway my advice to newbies is to just jump in and post.

William



Susannah said:


> Well you do have a lot to contribute Angela. Post away. Susannah


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## Wagimawr (Aug 28, 2007)

waldo said:


> I preferred when those were made to be invisible.


Says a guy who has two. 

(not to bring up that discussion again, mind you...)


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## Shosh (Aug 28, 2007)

Wagimawr said:


> Says a guy who has two.
> 
> (not to bring up that discussion again, mind you...)



Well what is this? A popularity contest? Oh I love all your little cannies. Yay you win!


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## waldo (Aug 28, 2007)

Wagimawr said:


> Says a guy who has two.
> 
> (not to bring up that discussion again, mind you...)



OK I'll admit I would probably like it a whole lot better if I was one of the people being showered with the rep points  

But in seriousness, the thing I like about the rep function is the messages that go along with it and importantly that these are a private communication on the side. The thing that annoys me is all these silly posts people make stating their intention to give someone rep for a post or even worse that they would rep them but have to spread it around first.


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## kr7 (Aug 28, 2007)

waldo said:


> OK I'll admit I would probably like it a whole lot better if I was one of the people being showered with the rep points
> 
> But in seriousness, the thing I like about the rep function is the messages that go along with it and importantly that these are a private communication on the side. The thing that annoys me is all these silly posts people make stating their intention to give someone rep for a post or even worse that they would rep them but have to spread it around first.



Why does that annoy you, though? Typically, when someone posts that they want to rep someone, but temporarily can't, they do so because they feel someone's post deserves kudos and they agree with that point of view. They obviously feel strong enough about the point to give rep, so why would it be wrong of them to say so by making that post? I don't see any harm in it. Am I missing something?  

Chris


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## Wagimawr (Aug 28, 2007)

waldo said:


> OK I'll admit I would probably like it a whole lot better if I was one of the people being showered with the rep points
> 
> But in seriousness, the thing I like about the rep function is the messages that go along with it and importantly that these are a private communication on the side. The thing that annoys me is all these silly posts people make stating their intention to give someone rep for a post or even worse that they would rep them but have to spread it around first.


Yeah, I do use rep as a way to bypass the PM system 

However, I am one of the ones who post the "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to _____ again." messages, primarily cause it does show support.

Consider yourself lucky, I've got no reason to rep any of your posts about rep. 

sourpuss.


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## Chimpi (Aug 28, 2007)

waldo said:


> While no-one else can see an individual member's rep point total, the number of green and orange boxes, which are proportional to the number of points, is viewable by anyone. Also, it is possible to view the member list in order of number of rep points received.



Oh really?
Gee, thanks! I didn't know that!!  sarcasm, by the way

:bow:


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## chunkeymonkey (Aug 28, 2007)

I show cans for cans........
Waldo if I had supesized cans I would have your back but dude your on your own. I love the comments that come with the reps and just the thought someone cares is enough to get me going....I know I dont get out much.


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## SocialbFly (Sep 6, 2007)

i can say i once told someone here that i didnt feel accepted or welcomed and they told me to post more, post a story about me, post something to let others get to know me, who i am, what i value, what is important to me in my life...

best idea ever for here...

to lurk is to never be found...to come out is a risk, but a risk here is worth it if you want to be heard or found...


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## William (Sep 6, 2007)

"It takes courage to push yourself
to places that you have never been before...
to test your limits... to break through barriers. 

And the day came when the risk it took 
to remain tight inside the bud was more
painful than the risk it took to blossom." 

---Anais Nin

I love that quote

William



SocialbFly said:


> i can say i once told someone here that i didnt feel accepted or welcomed and they told me to post more, post a story about me, post something to let others get to know me, who i am, what i value, what is important to me in my life...
> 
> best idea ever for here...
> 
> to lurk is to never be found...to come out is a risk, but a risk here is worth it if you want to be heard or found...


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## Bafta1 (Sep 7, 2007)

Thank you. That is reassuring. I'm always wondering - how do you know who to talk to? Where do you begin looking for a conversation subject you're interested in? And what if no-one replies? ...But your comment made lots of sense. Does anyone else look at what people post and think how everyone seems to know exactly what they're doing, and are just so confident. Is it just me that finds it a bit intimidating?


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## willamena31 (Sep 7, 2007)

Bafta1 said:


> Thank you. That is reassuring. I'm always wondering - how do you know who to talk to? Where do you begin looking for a conversation subject you're interested in? And what if no-one replies? ...But your comment made lots of sense. Does anyone else look at what people post and think how everyone seems to know exactly what they're doing, and are just so confident. Is it just me that finds it a bit intimidating?



*No, it's not just you. I felt (and still do at times) very intimidated by the people here at dims. I think I said something about that in this very thread maybe a page back or two. There are so many very intelligent men and women here, and for a while I was afraid to post for fear that I would sound stupid in comparison. But you just have to jump in. Most everyone is so warm and friendly and accepting, and they don't judge you as much as I feared they would. Just jump right on in wherever you feel you want to. Don't let anyone scare you away.

Hugggsss!!
Billie Jo*


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## Shosh (Sep 7, 2007)

willamena31 said:


> *No, it's not just you. I felt (and still do at times) very intimidated by the people here at dims. I think I said something about that in this very thread maybe a page back or two. There are so many very intelligent men and women here, and for a while I was afraid to post for fear that I would sound stupid in comparison. But you just have to jump in. Most everyone is so warm and friendly and accepting, and they don't judge you as much as I feared they would. Just jump right on in wherever you feel you want to. Don't let anyone scare you away.
> 
> Hugggsss!!
> Billie Jo*



Please don't feel that way Billie. You are also warm and beautiful and intelligent.Remember I told you I can feel that coming through my computer screen? 
Keep shining.


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## Shosh (Sep 7, 2007)

Bafta1 said:


> Thank you. That is reassuring. I'm always wondering - how do you know who to talk to? Where do you begin looking for a conversation subject you're interested in? And what if no-one replies? ...But your comment made lots of sense. Does anyone else look at what people post and think how everyone seems to know exactly what they're doing, and are just so confident. Is it just me that finds it a bit intimidating?



Just be who you are. Warmth, humor, and kindness are endearing qualities in my mind. Intelligence should not be prized above all else.


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## kr7 (Sep 7, 2007)

Bafta1 said:


> Thank you. That is reassuring. I'm always wondering - how do you know who to talk to? Where do you begin looking for a conversation subject you're interested in? And what if no-one replies? ...



You can really start up a conversation with anyone. People here are exceptionally warm and open. Just join any discussion that you feel strongly enough about, to participate. People here are generally very interested in hearing other people's opinions, even if they disagree with it. Don't forget: this is a discussion forum. It's not about being in complete agreement with everyone else. It's about expressing your opinion, and the reasoning behind it.

Even if no one replies (as you fear), it absolutely does NOT mean that people are ignoring you. Most likely, your comment is read by many people, but either they don't have anything to add, or they agree, but don't feel it is necessary to just post "I agree". To put it in perspective, think of how many posts you read in an average session. I am sure you do not reply to every single one of them. You'd have to spend your entire life typing away! LOL!  

Chris


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## exile in thighville (Sep 7, 2007)

Bafta1 said:


> Thank you. That is reassuring. I'm always wondering - how do you know who to talk to? Where do you begin looking for a conversation subject you're interested in? And what if no-one replies? ...But your comment made lots of sense. Does anyone else look at what people post and think how everyone seems to know exactly what they're doing, and are just so confident. Is it just me that finds it a bit intimidating?



PM the people who turn you on mentally or physically. Try to turn them on back.


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## Bafta1 (Sep 11, 2007)

Thank you all so much for being so welcoming. I don't think I'd ever have imagined becoming so addicted to a web forum. In life people are rude and impatient. Very few passers-by smile at you as they walk, and life can be so grey at times. But here... ! Where else but here can you just choose a conversation you like and join in? And make friends so easily? I sit by my computer alone, yet I feel as though I'm surrounded by friends - it's a weird sensation. Lovely, but quite strange. ...Nevertheless, I am so pleased I joined.


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## Count Zero (Sep 13, 2007)

I've been a member of a few forums, I can say with certainty that this one is definitely one of the most welcoming and friendly ones I have seen in my life. Just the fact that people actually respond with kindness when you introduce yourself is more than you'd get in a lot of places.

As for myself, I haven't seen this place come across as one that attracts cliques. The familiarity that some members show each other just goes to show me that this a place that has fostered more than a few friendships (and more), which is just more incentive for me to stay and try to make my mark.

And this may only be the male pig in me talking, but the prevalence of so many beautiful women here never hurts my opinion.


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## Tina (Sep 13, 2007)

SocialbFly said:


> i can say i once told someone here that i didnt feel accepted or welcomed and they told me to post more, post a story about me, post something to let others get to know me, who i am, what i value, what is important to me in my life...
> 
> best idea ever for here...
> 
> to lurk is to never be found...to come out is a risk, but a risk here is worth it if you want to be heard or found...


Right on, Sista!  :wubu: 


Count Zero said:


> As for myself, I haven't seen this place come across as one that attracts cliques. The familiarity that some members show each other just goes to show me that this a place that has fostered more than a few friendships (and more), which is just more incentive for me to stay and try to make my mark.


Hi Count, and welcome! I believe your assessment is very accurate. I've never seen the people of this board as a whole to be exclusionary, but it is true, as you've said, that many of us have known each other for years and/or have met in person. And the quality of the posters here is also such that quick friendships are formed, too, and one doesn't need to have to know others for years to see that they are good folks.

I haven't been around nearly as much as usual lately, because I'm on vacation and also preparing to move, but I have to say that I have noticed a few of your posts, and I see that you are doing exactly the right thing to be noticed: you are jumping right in to threads that will let us get to know more about you and you are starting threads. Those two things will make other posters remember you in positive ways (since your posts are the posts of a good guy and not some psycho troll -- that will get you noticed, too, but not in the good way! ), and more easily recognize you in other threads so the pieces of the puzzle of who you are and the ability to remember you and feel that we know you come together. That's all it takes, but it can take time and putting oneself out there.  Again, welcome, Count!


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## Count Zero (Sep 14, 2007)

Tina said:


> Right on, Sista!  :wubu:
> 
> Hi Count, and welcome! I believe your assessment is very accurate. I've never seen the people of this board as a whole to be exclusionary, but it is true, as you've said, that many of us have known each other for years and/or have met in person. And the quality of the posters here is also such that quick friendships are formed, too, and one doesn't need to have to know others for years to see that they are good folks.
> 
> I haven't been around nearly as much as usual lately, because I'm on vacation and also preparing to move, but I have to say that I have noticed a few of your posts, and I see that you are doing exactly the right thing to be noticed: you are jumping right in to threads that will let us get to know more about you and you are starting threads. Those two things will make other posters remember you in positive ways (since your posts are the posts of a good guy and not some psycho troll -- that will get you noticed, too, but not in the good way! ), and more easily recognize you in other threads so the pieces of the puzzle of who you are and the ability to remember you and feel that we know you come together. That's all it takes, but it can take time and putting oneself out there.  Again, welcome, Count!


 
Well I must graciously say thank you for such a warm welcome! And I love the Omar Khayyam quote in your signature. The Rubaiyat is an amazing piece of work.


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## CuslonGodibb (Sep 17, 2007)

Now, it's time for me to jump into this thread - - -

"Acceptance for newbies", it says. Everything is relative, of course, but compared to many of you, I'm still a newbie/newcomer here. So, here are my thoughts - - -

When it comes to accepting oneself and being confident with oneself, I have no problems at all. To use CuteyChubb's words, I think it's fair to say that I DO have my "self esteem in check". I'm sort of a newbie to this site, yes, but I don't consider myself to be a newbie to "this concept of size acceptance", as CuteyChubb put it. I've never had any trouble accepting big people. Or small people, for that matter. To me, it's just natural that everyone should be accepted, regardless of size. I hope that somehow shows in my posts - - -

When I first arrived here, I thought: "Wow! So much to read!" Let's say I'm still catching up with the reading the best I can - - - Consequently, I read more than I write - for the time being, at least. When I feel like I have something to add, I WILL add it - be sure of that! When I don't really have anything to add, I will either keep my mouth shut or post something that might not really be worth reading, depending on what mood I'm in.

I get the feeling that many of you know each other quite well, which of course is nice. You seem close to each other, and the newbies might not be as close - YET. I look upon this as a matter of time. I mean, this site has existed for a very long period of time, while I've only been here for a couple of months or so. Getting to know each other takes time, right? So, as I see it, there's no need to feel "excluded" in the beginning. Give it some time! Easy for me to say, maybe, since I consider myself to be confident enough already, but still - - -

As a newbie, I can't know everything and everyone, but I truly do think that this is a very welcoming community! I am in quite a bunch of online communities, and I feel like most of them tend to get ironic and sarcastic in an unpleasant way over time, but not this one. At least I haven't noticed it here yet - - - Of all online communities I've been in, I think Dimensions must be the most welcoming one. If not THE most welcoming one, then at least one OF the most welcoming ones. I hope I'm contributing in one way or another to keeping it this way - - -

To all of you "Dimmers": Thank you for being who you are, so nice, friendly and welcoming!

/ CuslonGodibb



CuteyChubb said:


> I've been doing some reading of threads here lately and found that there seems to be some lack of understanding toward those who are new in their pursuit of acceptance.
> 
> From my own experience, when I found this place and began to post, I think for the most part I was accepted and embraced. Some ignored me and still do.
> 
> ...


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## TattooedDi (Sep 17, 2007)

I have felt that, before I started posting that I would probably be ignored. But that hasn't been the case. To my surprize people were responsive, polite, welcoming and caring. 

I know in most places where people know each other or there are groups of people that are closer then others, some of us n00bs may tend to find it hard to break into "cliques" and maybe others (myself included) feel that if it seems to be a thread where people are obviously close and good friends that its in some way intruding to add a comment of POV.

While I've been trolling the forums for along time, I haven't been an active poster till recently. I want to become more positive about my self image and I've always looked to come to dims to give me that push, courage and inspiration. Alot of the BBW's and SSBBW's are very inspirational to me, probably alot of others as well. 

So yes, Im glad that Im finally getting my forum feet wet, and if people don't reply to a post that I start not to take that as being "ignored" it just happens, and sure its not like Im some all knowing enlightened being with the right words to say at the right time. 
Im long winded, I ramble on babble even and loose my point ...alot.

But this place, this community is less exclusive and more inclusive then I would have believed. Alot of places its hard to break into the tight cliques and long time friends. But I think..and believe that everyone here is willing to give a person a chance and oppertunity to be heard, and they don't pass judgement until a person is or does something for them to be bashed/flamed whatever the term is , and then eventually shunned. But I think that takes alot.

Yes there is alot of things to read, have I read everything, no. But I think its more important that Im here and I've found a place where other people, strangers from all over the planet have maybe walked a mile in my shoes, they know what its like to deal with some of the issues that I've (and probably you) have dealt with at one or some point in our lives. Yes finally a place where other people honestly 'get it'.

Dimensions... the main page- where I always go to get to the forums or chat, is an amazing place. Its.. Ive learned so far , is full of people who care. So while yes we n00bs would like to feel that we are accepted right away (some of us) we also need to realize that getting into the thick of things and posting is the only way to do it. That some of the veteran or senior members here can't hold our hands and introduce us, or reply to everything.

Over time we'll feel less and less like newbs/n00bs... and more like part of the community. Though Im sure (or hope) that the people here that are active posters and have many friends here already concider us just that...a member of this amazing community.


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## SoVerySoft (Nov 18, 2007)

*bump*

We need this thread right now.


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## out.of.habit (Nov 18, 2007)

SoVerySoft said:


> *bump*
> 
> We need this thread right now.



Curses! It won't let me rep you for the brilliant bump of this thread. 
That's okay... I'll get you my pretty! *cackles*

*cough* Sorry.


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## Kajun Kat (Mar 21, 2008)

I'm glad I clicked on the Important threads sticky. This is a great topic. For the most part, everyone has been nice and helpful even. It's cool they don't all rush to talk to me, it would be kind of overwhelming if they did. I'm here to get to know other women like me, who have the same issues and feelings. I like making new friends and talking to different people, gives me a broader perspective on life.


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## ThikJerseyChik (Mar 22, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> great post
> 
> i've struggled being here in general
> -not feeling included
> ...



I feel the exact same way...and in 'sticking it out' I have found that there are quite a few friendly board members who have extended themselves to reach out and want to connect. It's all a process...


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## fidget555 (Mar 22, 2008)

*This is my very first post here and I have actually been putting it off for a few weeks now. I just recently came across these forums and was really blown away. I am just on the verge of beginning to accept myself as a BBW. I have always been disgusted with myself until I came here. Now I can see that I can still be attractive and large. I am looking forward to spending time here getting to know others and also learning to love myself. *


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## ThikJerseyChik (Mar 22, 2008)

Fidget - WELCOME and glad you're here! Very pretty lady


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## Shosh (Mar 23, 2008)

This thread was started by Rhonda. I have not heard from her in so long. I hope she is well. Has anybody else heard from her?


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## beth1954 (Mar 24, 2008)

...........and I would like to accept myself the way I am, but just can't. I want to lose weight so badly but never go through with it.
I am in the middle of a pity party all the time.


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## danielnorman2005 (Mar 25, 2008)

I dont think I look that good as a fat guy, but im prety ok with that. Ive never been one to take that much notice of what i look like anyway. But i DO think fat looks good on other people (guys and girls). So im VERY confused with 'size acceptance' because i love fat... just not on me...so...err...help? 
If theres one thing that ive learnt about these bords so far its that people like ot analyse/judge/sum up thier feelings about others, or whatever you want to call it, so FIRE AWAY!
(and just to make it clear I dont mean 'judge' in as negative a way as that its usualy used. Sorry if I offended!) Dan x


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## Shosh (Mar 25, 2008)

beth1954 said:


> ...........and I would like to accept myself the way I am, but just can't. I want to lose weight so badly but never go through with it.
> I am in the middle of a pity party all the time.



Hi Beth,

Welcome. We are all at different stages in our acceptance of ourselves.
It is wonderful here and It has helped me so much in my life just by being here.


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## J34 (Mar 25, 2008)

Hello!?

I still feel like a newb, I think we need different forums for more topics I guess


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## tonynyc (Mar 26, 2008)

Welcome to all the newbies 

Now how will others view your 'Post/Thread' masterpiece... you can get folks that will flock to the subject because it really strikes a chord, or it can fall flat on it's face for whatever reason , you may piss off some And you can get even get repped for coming up with a witty comment to make someone laugh or feel better. 

Just look at it that we all have something to contribute and to learn from one another...


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## MamaLisa (Apr 6, 2008)

Im new...

so be nice!

oh.. if i say im an aussie.. does that give me brownie points???:wubu::batting::batting::batting:


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## Shosh (Apr 6, 2008)

Susannah said:


> This thread was started by Rhonda. I have not heard from her in so long. I hope she is well. Has anybody else heard from her?



Yay I have heard from Rhonda ( Cutiechubb) on My Space. She is well.


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## CuriousKitten (Apr 6, 2008)

Hello. I'm also pretty new. 

While I greatly appreciate what this site stands for and is trying to do, I do find that it is sort of cliquey and I do feel sort of out of place being a not very big FFA. I know there is a BHM FFA forum but it doesn't seem to be taken as seriously as the other forums and I'm pretty nervous about posting elsewhere because I am afraid to get the "what the heck are you doing here you skinny girl?" sort of backlash.

I was on another website and a member pointed me in the direction of Dimensions saying that I would be better suited here so I gave it a try. I hope I can find a place to fit in here.


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## Hawksmoor (Apr 7, 2008)

CuriousKitten said:


> Hello. I'm also pretty new.
> 
> While I greatly appreciate what this site stands for and is trying to do, I do find that it is sort of cliquey and I do feel sort of out of place being a not very big FFA. I know there is a BHM FFA forum but it doesn't seem to be taken as seriously as the other forums and I'm pretty nervous about posting elsewhere because I am afraid to get the "what the heck are you doing here you skinny girl?" sort of backlash.
> 
> I was on another website and a member pointed me in the direction of Dimensions saying that I would be better suited here so I gave it a try. I hope I can find a place to fit in here.



Hi Curious, and welcome. I, too, have had a similar experience with Dimensions and as such haven't posted a whole lot since I joined a number of years ago. Unfortunately, I think that's just the nature of the beast to a certain extent. When you're interacting with folks in the real world there is no join date or post count hovering above your head inviting them to judge you (be it consciously or not) in part or in whole based on that criteria.

I've chimed in on threads before and posted 4-6 paragraph responses which I felt were valid and relevant only to see the thread die with my response or have folks just continue the discourse amongst themselves as though I said nothing. This isn't isolated to Dimensions but is omnipresent in the majority of online forums I've ever been a part of. 

If you can tolerate it and stick around long enough chances are things will probably change for the better and your contributions to the forum won't be overlooked and or ignored. I don't particularly want to have to feel as though I have to make an immense effort to break through whatever boundaries may exist here for newcomers, so I don't post often as I mentioned previously. If you decide to stay the course though I hope you make some great friends and find what you're looking for.


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## asho (Apr 7, 2008)

Hawksmoor said:


> Hi Curious, and welcome. I, too, have had a similar experience with Dimensions and as such haven't posted a whole lot since I joined a number of years ago. Unfortunately, I think that's just the nature of the beast to a certain extent. When you're interacting with folks in the real world there is no join date or post count hovering above your head inviting them to judge you (be it consciously or not) in part or in whole based on that criteria.
> 
> I've chimed in on threads before and posted 4-6 paragraph responses which I felt were valid and relevant only to see the thread die with my response or have folks just continue the discourse amongst themselves as though I said nothing. This isn't isolated to Dimensions but is omnipresent in the majority of online forums I've ever been a part of.
> 
> If you can tolerate it and stick around long enough chances are things will probably change for the better and your contributions to the forum won't be overlooked and or ignored. I don't particularly want to have to feel as though I have to make an immense effort to break through whatever boundaries may exist here for newcomers, so I don't post often as I mentioned previously. If you decide to stay the course though I hope you make some great friends and find what you're looking for.




I too have had the same experience. As a bbw women I was so happy to find this site but I have found it so hard to 'make freinds' or get to know people and I don't just mean that I want to meet men here, I mean really friends who understand were I'm coming from as a fat womam. I have lodged in regularly, I have tryed chatting in the chat room but everyone seems to know each other. People say 'hi' but then continue with thier pm conversations, this is so dishearting. 

My intalial excitment in finding this site is fading and I'm beinging to think that it is just a dating site in disguise. I am wondering if I posted a picture would things improve but them once again i'm being judged on my looks. 

Is that what this site is surposed to be about?


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## Tad (Apr 7, 2008)

Hawksmoor said:


> I've chimed in on threads before and posted 4-6 paragraph responses which I felt were valid and relevant only to see the thread die with my response or have folks just continue the discourse amongst themselves as though I said nothing. This isn't isolated to Dimensions but is omnipresent in the majority of online forums I've ever been a part of.
> 
> If you can tolerate it and stick around long enough chances are things will probably change for the better and your contributions to the forum won't be overlooked and or ignored. I don't particularly want to have to feel as though I have to make an immense effort to break through whatever boundaries may exist here for newcomers, so I don't post often as I mentioned previously. If you decide to stay the course though I hope you make some great friends and find what you're looking for.





asho said:


> I too have had the same experience. As a bbw women I was so happy to find this site but I have found it so hard to 'make freinds' or get to know people and I don't just mean that I want to meet men here, I mean really friends who understand were I'm coming from as a fat womam. I have lodged in regularly, I have tryed chatting in the chat room but everyone seems to know each other. People say 'hi' but then continue with thier pm conversations, this is so dishearting.



For what it is worth, I've been around Dimensions for over a decade, have interacted with a lot of people here, generally get along well with most of them.....and often have experiences similar to what you've stated. I've posted replies that I put a lot of work into, and which I thought made great points, which have either been ignored, or only joked about. I've wandered into chat, said hello, tried to get into a conversation (or tried to get a conversation going), and had no luck.

On the other hand, I've had one line throw-away posts lead to a bunch of responses, and I've had serious posts get serious and well thought out answers. And some days I've gone into chat and had great conversations--sometimes with people I've known through Dimensions for years, sometimes with new people, and sometimes with a mix of both.

I think that it is certainly true that on-line it is much easier to ignore someone if you aren't in the mood to reach out to the new person. If someone is standign there in real life, it takes a rare sort of rude to completely ignore them. On-line, eh, you can think to yourself that surely someone else will deal with them, you don't have time right now or aren't in the mood, or whatever, and you don't see the hurt look on their face. 

In very rough terms, I probably post to the boards an average of 20-30 times a week. Probably over half of those are quick 'oh sounds like a bad day' or 'happy birthday' or 'welcome to the boards' type posts, of which I'd guess once or twice a week one might generate a reply. The other half or so probably have a little more substance, and I'd say once or twice a week one will generate some longer replies, and a few more will probably get quick responses of some sort. Overall I'd guess that maybe one in each four or five of my posts will generate any sort of response at all.

If you want to see a higher portion of posts responded to, here are some rules of thumb:

- the more personal your response is, the more apt you are to get some sort of reply. If you respond with feedback on a story, or help someone find a product they are looking for, or give direct response to someone having a rough day, you'll often get a thank you (not always of course, but higher percentage than most things). 

- the earlier in a thread your response is, the more apt it is to generate a reply. Later on people are overwhelmed by all the posts, and unless you have something really unusual to say they are not apt to single out your post.

- posts with pictures generate more replies than those without. Does not have to be a picture of you--pets, cars, houses, your baby nephew making a silly face....even drawings or other visual images.

- posts where you explicitly ask for responses will get more than those that don't. So "I had a terrible day" will get less responses than "I had a terrible day.....what would you have done in that situation?"

- asking people interesting questions will often get a response. So "You look so beautiful, how do you get your hair to hold ringlets like that?" Or "I love that dress, where did you buy it?" or "I love that dress you just bought from X, how do you like the fabric and quality?" or "in that pic, was that your car you are leaning against?" or "Wow, that is really rough the way your mom treats your BBW girlfriend. Do you think she'd be so critical of everyone you dated, or only BBW?"

But just to repeat, there is no guarantee. You can post the best thought out, well written, should get all sorts of response post imaginable, and sometimes it just falls flat. It really can feel like a slap in the face, but it really is a 'keep at it, and sometimes it will all come together' sort of thing.

But yes, all of that said, you probably will see more responses once people know you. I know I skim a lot of threads, but I'm more apt to slow down and pay attention when I notice a name of someone I know often has good things to say. I think a lot of others sometimes do the same.

Regards;

-Ed


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## ekmanifest (Apr 7, 2008)

Just to follow up on what Ed said, I encourage you to keep trying. I have not been part of Dimensions for very long - about 10 months - and have met an amazing number of wonderful people - both online and in person. I do think a turning point for me in actually connecting with people was when I joined the Clubhouse.


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## Gingembre (Apr 7, 2008)

Hello!
Newbie here! I've had a quick flip through this thread for advice, but have been lurking & reading for a while. Had to join up so I can get involved in all the conversation! Most people seem v nice and I'm coming upto my finals so am sure I'll be posting lots when I'm meant to be revising! Heh heh!
There are some hot FA guys on here!
x


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## Hawksmoor (Apr 7, 2008)

Ed,

I appreciate the feedback and I'm sure some of those similarly frustrated do as well. However, I've been participating in forums like these since I started out online with CompuServe around 94 or 95, so I'm actually used to the dynamic. That said, it never ceases to be frustrating for me. I would probably be better off just avoiding forums/messageboards altogether, but for some reason I don't. C'est la vis.

The best I can do really is to chime in when I have something substantive to add to a discussion and just hope for the best. I can't prostrate myself trying to tailor posts that will elicit responses as that would be disingenuous and contrived. If the substance of a person's posts count less than the familiarity of their name, their post count, and/or their join date, then that's rather said and doesn't speak too well of this community and others like it where a similar bias exists. It would be interesting to see what would happen if people's post count and join date were hidden.


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## swamptoad (Apr 7, 2008)

I find that the lounge is a very laid back place for newbies to start out posting. I probably get a little too carried away posting there and should take breaks from that board and be posting elsewhere. But, at times, the lounge can be addictive.  There's plenty of good places here at Dimensions to read and post. Lots of informative stuff here! :bow: As for gaining acceptance, well that just takes time. Wish people happy birthday. Send a kind and thoughtful PM on the whim just out of niceness. Rep fellow posters when they post something heartfelt, funny, and so on. If somebody reps you, you don't always have to rep them back. Just give thanks and be appreciative. Take your time with sharing stuff about yourself. It's neat how much in the process of posting here that you'll learn about other people and about yourself. :happy:


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## Tad (Apr 8, 2008)

Hawksmoor said:


> E It would be interesting to see what would happen if people's post count and join date were hidden.



I doubt that would make much difference....actually may make newbies get less noticed, because it would take out the 'oh hey, this person is new, I should make them welcome' vibe which does happen from time to time (not consistently, mind you).

See, I think people may respond to certain people that they know, but that doesn't have much to do with join date, number of posts, or rep levels. It is more a matter of "Oh, I see Joe posted in this thread, I wasn't go to bother reading it, but he normally has good things to say, so I'll go and read." or "Wow, there are a lot of posts in this thread to which I could respond, and I don't have time to reply to all of them, so which one? Oh, JaneDoe, she has a good sense of humor, so I know she'll take this the right way."

One thing you may note in this forum is that there are multiple new people signing up every day, and it probably averages more than two introductory posts per day. Nobody really has time to engage with that many new people. So to some degree it is indeed stick around, show that you intend to stay, and people are more apt to start engaging with you. Human nature I suppose.

Anyway, you are already making good points, and people will notice those. Just give them time---talking sense doesn't get as fast a reaction as posting sexy pics, but it does work over time.

Glad to have you around.

-Ed


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## pagan22 (May 20, 2008)

I'm a newbie as well. =) 

I've noticed it's very cliquish here, but I'm still treading new waters and learning who everyone is. Perhaps this is the one place I'll be accepted. 

My biggest thing, and perhaps this isn't the right thread, is gaining confidence and self esteem. 

It comes to that whole loving yourself thing, but I'm being pressured by my family to join a gym, not eat as much chocolate (my vice), walk more, and whatever else it takes to lose weight. I've endured many of their mean comments for years. Sad thing is that my family members are also fat. But they've ridiculed me so much that I'm afraid to step out into public in shorts or even a skirt or dress. Y'know, if the wind is blowing in a certain direction it will outline your fatness. I used to walk like a crab, sideways and backwards, when wearing a skirt to avoid this from happening in the front. Like the back is much better. This stupidity on my part of pretending like I can look skinny from walking away from the wind has followed me my whole life and I'm just now starting to break out of the habit. 

I've been this weight for the better part of my life. I've been toning naturally by working in the yard, but even when I moderate my food intake I don't lose weight. It's like I'm fated to be this size forever.

So, luckily I found Dims in a twist of *fat*e. But my biggest hurdle right now is how to allow these comments to slither over my skin and not affect my blossoming confidence. How did all of you fat people manage to love yourselves as much as you do? Did you have someone rooting for you the whole time? Because I don't and I won't hold my breath that I'll find anyone soon. It's just me.


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## pagan22 (May 20, 2008)

edx said:


> I doubt that would make much difference....actually may make newbies get less noticed, because it would take out the 'oh hey, this person is new, I should make them welcome' vibe which does happen from time to time (not consistently, mind you)



I have a bet going on with another user (not a newbie, but had low posts) to see how many posts we can do by May 31st. If I lose, I have to post a belly hang pic in that thread. =D


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## Ruffie (May 20, 2008)

CG_8 said:


> I'm a newbie as well. =)
> 
> I've noticed it's very cliquish here, but I'm still treading new waters and learning who everyone is. Perhaps this is the one place I'll be accepted.
> 
> ...



To answer your question personally I have my bad days too and they are hard to be sure. However I think the one thing I learned is that there are people out there that fnd me beautiful just the way I am. I am more than the numbers on the scale and people see the real me as well as the package come in. The difficult thing was being me and puttng myself out there. I used to think that because I was fat I had to be a people pleaser, and do/be whatever others wanted in order to be popular. Funny thing was when I gave that up and let people see who I was with all my flaws, strength and vunerabilities I got what I had been seeking all along. I have never been popular with the men, other to be a good friend but did meet and marry my hubby 23 years ago. But take risks, be who you are, have fun and don't wait for life to come to you go out and get it!
Ruth


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## pagan22 (May 20, 2008)

Ruffie said:


> To answer your question personally I have my bad days too and they are hard to be sure. However I think the one thing I learned is that there are people out there that fnd me beautiful just the way I am. I am more than the numbers on the scale and people see the real me as well as the package come in. The difficult thing was being me and puttng myself out there. I used to think that because I was fat I had to be a people pleaser, and do/be whatever others wanted in order to be popular. Funny thing was when I gave that up and let people see who I was with all my flaws, strength and vunerabilities I got what I had been seeking all along. I have never been popular with the men, other to be a good friend but did meet and marry my hubby 23 years ago. But take risks, be who you are, have fun and don't wait for life to come to you go out and get it!
> Ruth



The only people I've found who find fat attractive are here on this website. It'd be nice to come upon a village of BBWs and BHMs. =)


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## Duniwin (May 21, 2008)

CG_8 said:


> I'm a newbie as well. =)
> 
> I've noticed it's very cliquish here, but I'm still treading new waters and learning who everyone is. Perhaps this is the one place I'll be accepted.
> 
> My biggest thing, and perhaps this isn't the right thread, is gaining confidence and self esteem.



Welcome! I'm new as well.
Sometimes I also feel like I'm treading water in a sea of posts.
As far as confidence and self esteem, that takes time, but I've read some of your posts and I think you're swimming in the right direction.



CG_8 said:


> I have a bet going on with another user (not a newbie, but had low posts) to see how many posts we can do by May 31st. If I lose, I have to post a belly hang pic in that thread. =D



Is it wrong of me to hope you lose?


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## CuslonGodibb (May 21, 2008)

Welcome, CG_8!

I'm not fat myself and have not experienced any of the things you mentioned, but to say a few words:

I hope that you will learn not to let people ridicule you! You should never have to accept such things, regardless of what size you are. And I'm quite sure you have nothing to be ashamed of (at least not size-related; I do not yet know you well enough to be able to "speak the truth" about you).

Try not to hide who you are. Just be yourself and let people take it or leave it. If they leave it, it's their loss.

I'm sure, though, that there are many people here who can and will support you.

Good luck!

/ CuslonGodibb



CG_8 said:


> I'm a newbie as well. =)
> 
> I've noticed it's very cliquish here, but I'm still treading new waters and learning who everyone is. Perhaps this is the one place I'll be accepted.
> 
> ...


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## sweet&fat (May 21, 2008)

Welcome!

The best thing you can do for yourself is decide what's right for you, regardless of what other people say. I have been fat all of my life, and I spent too much time worrying about how to look thinner or camouflage my arms and legs. It's a process, but I've learned that if people don't want to see it, they shouldn't look. Walk in the wind, girl! Enjoy the breeze instead of trying to avoid it! You deserve chocolate and shorts as much as every other person. My parents bugged me my whole life about my weight, and it got to a point that I told them if they wouldn't stop talking about it, we wouldn't talk at all. They don't have to like it, but they do have to accept it if they want to be part of my life. It's worked well- our relationship is much better.

And by the way, going to a gym is not necessarily a bad idea. It doesn't have to be about weight loss. I've been going to the gym for years, and all it's done is made me stronger and given me more endurance!

Good luck to you! 



CG_8 said:


> I'm a newbie as well. =)
> 
> I've noticed it's very cliquish here, but I'm still treading new waters and learning who everyone is. Perhaps this is the one place I'll be accepted.
> 
> ...


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## Tad (May 21, 2008)

CG_8 said:


> How did all of you fat people manage to love yourselves as much as you do? Did you have someone rooting for you the whole time? Because I don't and I won't hold my breath that I'll find anyone soon. It's just me.



Lots to chew on in your post, but I don't want to go too off topic in this thread, so I'm just going to mention this part, briefly.

The number one person you need cheering you on is, of course, you. When you become convinced that you should be able to see yourself as attractive, and start actively working towards that goal, you will make progress, despite everyone else.

Of course, it is still hard on your own. Which is where it never hurts to have all of Dimensions, or at least a handful of other Dimension-ers cheering for you. Even the second hand support of reading others success stories can help, I think. But having people directly tell you that you look great as you are can't hurt either.

Best of all of course is to have support in your non-online life, but yah, that can be harder to arrange. I have the vague impression that you are not in a city, for something or other that you said. If that is correct, or even in some cases if it is not, you may not be meeting many new people. If the people who you normally see aren't supportive, well, either you have to accept that you aren't going to get real life support, or you need to start meeting more people until you do find someone who is supportive. Well, or hope to get extremely lucky and have someone change their view.

So keep a positive attitude towards seeing yourself in better terms, take advantage of the support available via Dimensions....then maybe when you are ready, start roaming into uncharted territory with head held high, and see what happens?

Best of luck with the process. It isn't always simple or easy, but surely it is one of the more important steps in your life.


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## pagan22 (May 21, 2008)

Thanks for all the replies. 

Can't say anything else except :wubu:


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## pendulous (May 22, 2008)

CG_8 said:


> I have a bet going on with another user (not a newbie, but had low posts) to see how many posts we can do by May 31st. If I lose, I have to post a belly hang pic in that thread. =D



I found this site years ago, but I've never really taken part in the 'community' aspects of it. As CG_8 pointed out she had twice as many posts as me after only a week or so. I realised that I've only really posted when I thought I had something funny to say, it's time to change all that.



Duniwin said:


> Is it wrong of me to hope you lose?



I hope I win too, but I won't hold you to it. Self-esteem is always a work in progress and a bet is just another form of ultimatum. Ultimatums and self-esteems don't go so well together.


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## beginner FA (Jun 15, 2008)

as a newbie i have to agree there is some difficulty in becoming integrated with the community but this is no big deal as the same difficulty applies to getting involved in any community; it takes time


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## Ali (Jun 18, 2009)

This is where I am right now.

Acceptance of myself is my biggest hurdle right now.

A large part of my brain wants to be "normal", but the majority of that stems from what those around me think of me. 

Finding this community that will embrace me and love me for who I am, can (and likely will) motivate me to find self-love. 

Right now though, when I look in the mirror...I am digusted. I have noticed a difference in my thoughts since I joined here last week though. It's funny how fast we can alter our brain patterns.


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## wolfpersona (Jun 21, 2009)

I've seen allot of cool people at this site and hope to get more involved into the forums. A fa site is kind of new to me well like 2 years old. but didn't know there were some in the 90s.


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## Inhibited (Jun 26, 2009)

Am a newbie, only started posting about an hour ago. It was hard to know where to post as when reading i noticed that the same people post and they all seem to know each other and i didn't want to interrupt the flow of things, i decided to just jump in.


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## Carrie (Jun 26, 2009)

Inhibited said:


> Am a newbie, only started posting about an hour ago. It was hard to know where to post as when reading i noticed that the same people post and they all seem to know each other and i didn't want to interrupt the flow of things, i decided to just jump in.


This is the best way to get started! Just find the threads that interest you and post in them, and before you know it, you'll be one of the people everyone recognizes. It won't happen overnight, but you'll be surprised at how quickly it happens if you post regularly. A quick tip: upload an avatar (small picture) to go beneath your user name and the recognition will happen more quickly. 

Welcome, everyone!


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