# Are we doing it wrong?



## Weeze (Aug 20, 2009)

Ok. Let me preface this that I don't actually hang out with people that do the things in this article. http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/staticslideshowglamour.aspx?cp-documentid=21146417 

BUT... It got me thinking about other things that we DO do that we think are sexy that just... might not be. I mean, I do get my nails done. Refill every 2-3 weeks, or I just don't feel put together. I realize it might put people off, but, it's what (and I know it's kinda sad) makes me feel a little more confident in my appearance. 

Do you do anything like that? Anything that's probably not necessary, but you feel a need for it anyway.


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## steely (Aug 20, 2009)

You know, I hate it when someone tells me what I have to be. I have to be this to be sexy, I have to do this to not be a slut, I have to BE.... I'm not going to accept that, I AM. I quit reading fashion magazines because they make me feel so inadequate. I'm not going to make them rich for making me feel bad.

If getting your nails done makes you feel great and you like the way that feels, then do it. Do what you like to do for you. In any and all things, just because you like it.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 20, 2009)

As far as I'm concerned, this guy's right on target, except for # 5: if a woman isn't wearing knickers, I assume she has diarrhea, and I avoid getting between her and the privy. Sexy is like smart: if you have to try for it, it's counterproductive. I once went out (or, if you prefer, in) with a woman who thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my anus when we were _in flagrante delicto_. Eew.


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## rollhandler (Aug 20, 2009)

steely said:


> You know, I hate it when someone tells me what I have to be. I have to be this to be sexy, I have to do this to not be a slut, I have to BE.... I'm not going to accept that, I AM. I quit reading fashion magazines because they make me feel so inadequate. I'm not going to make them rich for making me feel bad.
> 
> If getting your nails done makes you feel great and you like the way that feels, then do it. Do what you like to do for you. In any and all things, just because you like it.



I always like to read those lists with my partner and discuss the points that we either agree with or don't agree with and why. They can be an opening for insightful conversation. They make such sweeping generalizations about what men and women are like or want but they can be a good barometer for what society expectations are today. You can learn a lot about your partner male or female by discussing the content of such lists with them or simply have a good laugh.
Rollhandler


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## ashmamma84 (Aug 20, 2009)

I love fashion magazines; I think they serve a purpose. I like looking at and drooling over beautiful clothing. But I also know I can't take everything so seriously. I don't believe everything I read. Just because Tammy Faye lashes are in, doesn't mean I have to rock them. It's about doing what makes me feel and look best. I know myself best.

I love dressing well and looking good, but I'm not so caught up in what's trendy that I don't look like myself. Everything isn't for everybody, so just do you!


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## mossystate (Aug 20, 2009)

So, Dr. Feelgood, and Rollhandler, as bbw...what are things you two do, as women, that you do for yourself...and no one else?


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## BubbleButtBabe (Aug 20, 2009)

The only thing I agree with on that list is the comment about going commando...Never do that not unless you are completely out of panties!!!

I personally think that *"you"* should do what makes *"you"* feel sexy and not what some random guy in a magazine says is sexy..He and his friends opinions really do not matter in other people's lives because they do not live other people's lives..You could probably do a poll of 1,000 men and never get 100 men that like the same thing..So just be true to yourself and do what you like!


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## butch (Aug 20, 2009)

C'mon, guys, I say this in all kindness, but look at the forum and the thread title before your post, for the love of Pete (I don't think I've ever said that last part before, hmmm). The thread, in the BBW Forum is asking if *WE* are doing it wrong. Unless you feel you're a woman, please please please please think twice before you post. If you like the topic so much, you're free to copy the link and make your own thread in the FA/FFA Forum or the Main Board. 

Thanks,
Mod Butch


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## toni (Aug 20, 2009)

I agree with the no panties point. That is just nasty. Who wants that marinating on the office chair all day? YUCK!


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2009)

I can totally see why guys want to post here as opposed to the Fa forum ..when it is full of gems such as -You know you are an fa when....?
"when people are talking bad about fat women and you end up getting aroused"
I have totally boycotted the Fa forum, my blood pressure can't handle it!  -My face actually does go that colour. Its interesting how 'protected' forums work in different ways isn't it?


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## Tania (Aug 21, 2009)

I think the author is right about there being a line between "making an effort" and "trying too hard." I think that if something makes you feel confident and put-together, it's never a bad thing. So long as you are somehow cultivating the real you, go for it.


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## Cors (Aug 21, 2009)

Haha, I do all of the above things - commando only at home though. I don't know if they turn people on or off, but they do make me appear more high-maintainence and aloof than I actually am. And well, I suppose it is true that horny men (and women) just want us naked anyway. 

Krismiss, I have kept semi-long painted nails ever since I split with my ex and I love them! My lesbian friends like making fun of them though. They talk about how my claws make their girly bits cringe, and how women who keep long nails are must either be passive in bed or straight. I sometimes feel that they kill my chances of hooking up but oh well.


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## ESPN Cutie (Aug 21, 2009)

*In regards to the nails, I also always like to have my nails (gel, french manicure tips) done every two weeks. Likewise, I don't like leaving the house without my hair looking decent and atleast some powder, mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss on. I just don't feel complete without all of it and it makes me feel crappy if I walk around looking crappy. For me its not about "trying to be something I'm not" and pleasing others - I've been doing the nails and makeup-everyday thing since high school - instead, its about me feeling good about myself. And yes, those small things make me feel good and are important to me. I don't care if other people are turned off (or on) by it, because that's just me. 

Fashion wise, I am not really into "trends." I have a personal style that I have been wearing for years (a kind of "Southern Prep", casual, yet really girly look); it fits my personality and I don't really stray from it. It's taken me years to define my look and I like when friends say things like, "Jen, that's so you." *


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## Keb (Aug 21, 2009)

I don't wear a whole lot of makeup (though I've been experimenting a bit) but I'm not happy if I'm not freshly showered when I walk out the door, with my hair neatly brushed and pulled back somehow. 

Haven't tried commando since I was five, however. You get in trouble for such things when you wear skirts all the time.


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## katherine22 (Aug 21, 2009)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> As far as I'm concerned, this guy's right on target, except for # 5: if a woman isn't wearing knickers, I assume she has diarrhea, and I avoid getting between her and the privy. Sexy is like smart: if you have to try for it, it's counterproductive. I once went out (or, if you prefer, in) with a woman who thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my anus when we were _in flagrante delicto_. Eew.




Did this response really address the original question? Do you think that this forum exists possibly to avoid a response like this???? Personally, I do not care about your anal retention or what you think passes for conversation.


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## Tracii (Aug 22, 2009)

If I'm headed to work I like to be very "put together" semi classy and professionally dressed.If I have a sales call or meeting I go all out classy just feels great to dress that way.
What really toasts me is if I'm casual say jeans and cute top I hear people say "women THAT FAT shouldn't wear tight jeans".
I love to show my big fat ass its none of there business....Damnit
I tell them that too I'm not shy about it.They can FO for all I care.


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## Teleute (Aug 23, 2009)

I am amused that most of the items on there were turn-offs not because they made the woman seem desperate, but because they indicated the woman was sexually aggressive. Act more demure, girls, it's less threatening to their ego!  

Fuck that noise. I LIKE fishnets, glitter, and lipstick... and to be honest, I like them more because it makes me feel glamorous (in kind of an awesome drag queen way) than because it makes me feel sexy. Also, why does the guy assume that a woman's going commando in an attempt to impress him? Jeez... I'm commando all the way (except for skirts), but it's for comfort purposes... nobody else even KNOWS about it (well, except you guys now  ) This list makes an awfully big assumption about the reasons women do these things.


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## katorade (Aug 23, 2009)

a) that is the dumbest article I've seen in a while.

b) "Jake" is a woman. I would bet my favorite eyeshadow on it.

c) It's rare I've met a man that didn't like fishnets.

d) I've NEVER met a man that like oversized sunglasses, as was suggested in the precursor to the list.

e) Who the hell actually blows into ears?

f) If you think I'm trying too hard, it's probably not _you_ I'm trying to impress, honey. Get over yourself.

g) If you think other dudes were mere "snaps" away from my vagina because I'm not wearing any underwear, then you probably don't give me enough credit and most likely have problems worse than me failing at being sexy.

Crock. of. shit.


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## rainyday (Aug 23, 2009)

I think the doing it wrong part is in putting much stock in lists likely compiled by a junior writer who surveyed a small, homogenous handful of his/her 20-something friends at last weekend's party. (I'd also guess that "Jake" isn't a person but a rotating assignment someone fairly fresh out of school gets the brief for once a month.)

Not saying I don't still look though, just in case it really does happen to be secret information straight from the ganglia of average man. Like Rollhandler, I've had fun reading this kind of stuff with a partner and having it turn into a discussion.


ETA: Katorade, your post reminded me of the snaps thing. Who has snaps on their pants anyway other than toddlers in pants designed to make diapering easier?


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## katorade (Aug 23, 2009)

Somewhere in the early '90s I actually owned and wore a bodysuit that had snaps in the crotch. Don't look at me like that, bodysuits were bitchin', as were baby doll dresses, birkenstocks, scrunchies, doc martens, and blossom hats. Ah, the good ol' days.

It is really embarassing when you go to sit down and your bodysuit snaps give out, sending your shirttails flying north out of your jeans and towards your face in front of a table of friends and classmates, eliciting a loud pop that makes you scream and makes the least mentally stable member of your study group pee herself because she thinks you've been shot. Something you were not aware of until a drunken late night convo 5 years later.





I'll add #7 and #8 to that article. Peeing yourself and spontaneously exploding through clothing like a she-Hulk are _not_ sexy.


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## Tooz (Aug 23, 2009)

katorade said:


> Somewhere in the early '90s I actually owned and wore a bodysuit that had snaps in the crotch. Don't look at me like that, bodysuits were bitchin', as were baby doll dresses, birkenstocks, scrunchies, doc martens, and blossom hats. Ah, the good ol' days.
> 
> It is really embarassing when you go to sit down and your bodysuit snaps give out, sending your shirttails flying north out of your jeans and towards your face in front of a table of friends and classmates, eliciting a loud pop that makes you scream and makes the least mentally stable member of your study group pee herself because she thinks you've been shot. Something you were not aware of until a drunken late night convo 5 years later.
> 
> ...



Those snap-crotch things were terrible! I could never get them fastened due to my longer torso and shorter arms. HOW did you get them fastened?


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## katorade (Aug 23, 2009)

Shorter torso, longer arms, sheer will, and youthful vigor.


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## BBW Goddess Anna (Aug 23, 2009)

And here I lways thought that asking the guy what he finds sexy was the right thing to do. Silly me, I should just pick up a magazine an dlet it tell me! :doh:


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## katherine22 (Aug 23, 2009)

katorade said:


> Somewhere in the early '90s I actually owned and wore a bodysuit that had snaps in the crotch. Don't look at me like that, bodysuits were bitchin', as were baby doll dresses, birkenstocks, scrunchies, doc martens, and blossom hats. Ah, the good ol' days.
> 
> It is really embarassing when you go to sit down and your bodysuit snaps give out, sending your shirttails flying north out of your jeans and towards your face in front of a table of friends and classmates, eliciting a loud pop that makes you scream and makes the least mentally stable member of your study group pee herself because she thinks you've been shot. Something you were not aware of until a drunken late night convo 5 years later.
> 
> ...





This is the funniest thing I have read on Dims so far.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 23, 2009)

It's impossible for one person to sum up what is or is not sexy because everyone has differing opinions. End of story. 

That said, there are things I do that my boyfriend doesn't really care about (and in some cases I suspect he'd prefer if I didn't) but I am my own person, and most of the things I do make _me_ feel better, regardless of whether it's particularly important to him or not. 

For example, yesterday I was complaining about needing to get my eyebrows waxed and he was like, honestly, I can't tell the difference.. I never notice your eyebrows. I plucked them anyway, while he was taking a shower, but he was just like oh, cool. Maybe keeping my eyebrows in tip top plucked condition isn't important to him but, it is to me. The key here is this though, I don't do it for him. I do it for myself because as vain and unimportant as it may be, I hate having unruly brows. I think it makes me look more attractive, and even though he doesn't care one way or the other I still _feel_ more attractive when they're plucked.

Same goes for me and fake nails.. I've had them on and off for a few years now, and since my boyfriend has known me, I have had them. I get them filled every 2 weeks religiously. I don't think my boyfriend even likes them, but I do. I don't do it to appear sexy for him, I do it because it makes me feel sexy. When I feel like I look attractive, I just feel more sexy.


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## Tau (Aug 24, 2009)

Articles like this annoy me more than I can even begin to say. I wear glittery eye make up, tons of lip gloss, fishnet stocking and get my hair done anytime I feel like i want to look different. Also, if I want to spend a day without panties, I will and I do. Just do you - who cares what some dude from Glamour or Men's Health or Cosmo thinks. If you look in the mirror and think Gawd I'm Hot! Then you're doing it right!!!!! And lets be realistic here - to magazines like Glamour and the folk who write them most of us are the epitome of unsexy - so what do they know anyhow??


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## Fascinita (Aug 25, 2009)

I think Jake and his Axe After Dark Come-Hither-Honey Body Stench Spray can bite me.


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## Tracii (Aug 25, 2009)

Glitter and fishnets rock IMO.I grew up in the 80's so sue me!
I do the fake nails sometimes and just love how they look and feel,can't play guitar with them so that is the only drawback for me.
Who really cares what some twit in a magazine says.
Do what makes you happy.


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## mergirl (Aug 25, 2009)

Tracii said:


> Glitter and fishnets rock IMO.I grew up in the 80's so sue me!
> I do the fake nails sometimes and just love how they look and feel,can't play guitar with them so that is the only drawback for me.
> Who really cares what some twit in a magazine says.
> Do what makes you happy.



Exactly!
You know its weird..i had never read 'celeb mags' until the other day when my gf had brought some back from work. I was SO shocked!! I thought no wonder people end up feeling shit about themselves. Every second page was either how 'celeb' managed to lose x amount of weight, adverts for doet pills, how shit someone looked because they had gained weight or were wearing a dress that apparently we are not supposed to like because this magazine told us to!! Fuck that shit! Seriously, women should just stop reading these magazines.. i read half of one and ended up feeling inadiquate.....so crazy. Its like women are paying for the privilage to feel shit about thenselves. i dont get it.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Aug 25, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> I think Jake and his Axe After Dark Come-Hither-Honey Body Stench Spray can bite me.



LMAO that is funny


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## superodalisque (Aug 25, 2009)

i have to say i agree with the article. sometimes things are taken to the point where women start looking like strippers and prostitutes instead of just well taken care of women.


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## LoveBHMS (Aug 25, 2009)

The article was just silly. 

Human sexuality and aesthetic preferences are so varied, that to say something is or is not sexy makes no sense. It's like issuing a definitive statement on what food does or does not taste good.


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## mergirl (Aug 26, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> The article was just silly.
> 
> Human sexuality and aesthetic preferences are so varied, that to say something is or is not sexy makes no sense. It's like issuing a definitive statement on what food does or does not taste good.



Yeah, thats why i have never got the point of food critics! Just taste the food yourself!!?? I think critics on the whole have no point really as most 'tastes' are subjective anyway.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 26, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i have to say i agree with the article. sometimes things are taken to the point where women start looking like strippers and prostitutes instead of just well taken care of women.



In your personal opinion, maybe. But that's all it is.. an opinion. Everyone has one and that's why this article is pointless.


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## superodalisque (Aug 27, 2009)

yep, just stating my opinion. doesn't make anyone else's right or wrong.


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