# Closeted Fa's.



## mergirl

I doubt i will get many replies from actual 'closeted Fa's' though i thought i would put this post out there.
I'm not sure i totally understand closeted Fa's and i know for a fact there will be more than a few reading this.

What is it that makes an Fa not want to talk about his/her preferences for fat people?
Is it societal?
Is it that your partners are not fat and you now feel you have to explore your sexuality?

I would love to hear from actual Fa's about this.
Also Fat peeps.. have you had any experiences with 'closeted Fa's' and how did that make you feel?

I promise, if Closeted Fa's want to talk about their oppinions i wont berate anyone personally. I will say however that i am very of the oppinion that closeted Fa's should not be allowed anywhere near a fat person. Though i am sympathetic to fear responses in people and am aware of peer pressure especially in adolecence and can understand feelings of trepidation that people might be feeling. I never had these feelings personally but i can understand why they might happen..

So, to reitterate,
Closeted Fa's, whats going on?
Fat people..how do closeted Fa's make you feel/have made you feel?
Everyone, what is your oppinion on Fa's who chose to remain in the closet?

xmer


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## LillyBBBW

mergirl said:


> I doubt i will get many replies from actual 'closeted Fa's' though i thought i would put this post out there.
> I'm not sure i totally understand closeted Fa's and i know for a fact there will be more than a few reading this.
> 
> What is it that makes an Fa not want to talk about his/her preferences for fat people?
> Is it societal?
> Is it that your partners are not fat and you now feel you have to explore your sexuality?
> 
> I would love to hear from actual Fa's about this.
> Also Fat peeps.. have you had any experiences with 'closeted Fa's' and how did that make you feel?
> 
> *I promise, if Closeted Fa's want to talk about their oppinions i wont berate anyone personally.* I will say however that i am very of the oppinion that closeted Fa's should not be allowed anywhere near a fat person. Though i am sympathetic to fear responses in people and am aware of peer pressure especially in adolecence and can understand feelings of trepidation that people might be feeling. I never had these feelings personally but i can understand why they might happen..
> 
> So, to reitterate,
> Closeted Fa's, whats going on?
> Fat people..how do closeted Fa's make you feel/have made you feel?
> Everyone, what is your oppinion on Fa's who chose to remain in the closet?
> 
> xmer



Bear in mind that this won't stop anyone else from doing so with liberal relish.


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## mergirl

LillyBBBW said:


> Bear in mind that this won't stop anyone else from doing so with liberal relish.


Indeed. Well You cant stop people from getting pissed off. This is why i doubt many closeted Fa's are going to post here. It would have been interesting as its something i have a hard time understanding myself and i'm sure there are a plethora of explainations.


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## Jon Blaze

I have weird concepts behind it.

When I was a little younger (I'd say about 19?), I started to get a lot of messages from closet FAs out and about, and I met a few in college as well. Most of the time they were younger than me, and I developed an openess to the ones that are about 19 or younger. I mean, I was out by 17, but I know what they went through, so I tend have a supportive side to them. I don't want them to feel shunned at that age, and whilst I don't imply that staying in forever is good, I tend to say "You've still got time to get out, but keep pushing" then tell them what things in my life helped me get out or something like that. I've met some as young as 14, and I don't see the point of shunning someone that young. I want to encourage them to get out if at all possible.

As for older than that? It's a case by case thing for me. Some of them are really drinking the koolaid, so I'm not exactly supportive of them at times, but I don't automatically dismiss them necessarily. For me I try to understand why, how, what they believe is of this thing they desire, et cetera... I will say that *much more often than not* I am not supportive and encouraging, but that's a combination of how they approach me, and all the other things I mentioned. We're all in different situations, and I really didn't have as much opposition as I would have expected over the years. Some of them have quite a load, and while that doesn't warrant me just accepting it, I think it times it does permit me to at least understand someones perspective before I deuce out. 

I don't meet very many that are older than me, so the latter doesn't apply often. I've met many younger ones though, and regardless of what anyone thinks, I'm supportive and kind whilst encouraging progression to the younger ones. Always. That's my steez.


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## mergirl

Jon Blaze said:


> I don't meet very many that are older than me, so the latter doesn't apply often. I've met many younger ones though, and regardless of what anyone thinks, I'm supportive and kind whilst encouraging progression to the younger ones. Always. That's my steez.



Agreed. This is why i mention Adolecence as being a time where i would cut Fa's some slack cause until you are a proper adult sometimes you are pretty unsure of what the hell you want/need or even who you are or where you fit in. I do think though that when someone is a fully fledged adult and have decided that they are Fa's if they are not willing to be open about their preference they should not put fat people through the humiliation of being with them. 
I dont mean Fa's should have to shout it from the rooftops. I mean that they should not hide their preference for instance if they are dating a fat person and a 'friend' makes a comment about fat people, it would be inexcusable to not stick up for their partners/tell their friends they were being wankers.

I also think that part of the reason the Fat acceptance movement really struggles and that Fat is the last bastian of acceptable bigotry is because there arnt enough people saying they love fat people sexually, that a lot of people find fat people attractive and that not everyone loves the 'supermodel' waif look. If you look at Gay acceptance over the past 10 years or so, a big part of the reason so much progress has been made, acceptance wise is because people 'came out' told thier stories and made it something acceptable. I think the same thing needs to happpen in the fat/fa acceptance world. Lest it is consigned forever to internet chatrooms and yearly bashes. (not saying chatrooms and bashes are a bad thing..but it would be nice to have fat acceptance seen as something more). 

I find it surprising that people find it so weird when they find out i like big women. Though if i didnt mention that it was a 'thing' they might just come to their own conclusions. I find this surprising because actually over the duration that i have known many of these people a few have actually came out to me as being Fa's or at least Bi-fatual. Which makes me think that there are a lot more Fa's that i first thought..

hmm..anyway.. my long drawn out point there john was.. aye totally, i think it is ok to cut people slack when they are young and just comming to terms with their sexual feelings, its the older Fa's that have known for years, get married to thin people, repress their sexuality, Treat Fat people meerly as sex objects but wouldnt have a relationship with them... these are the kinna people i dont understand.


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## BothGunsBlazing

If you're an adolescent? Alright, so, you're probably confused about a lot of things. If you're able to post a response to this thread that would indicate that you're 18yrs old or more which would also tell me that you're done being an adolescent, therefore, no excuses.

If you're going to be in the closet, that's fine, just please keep your mouth shut and don't drag anyone down with you due to your cowardice because no one deserves to feel like some one is ASHAMED of them.


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## mergirl

BothGunsBlazing said:


> If you're an adolescent? Alright, so, you're probably confused about a lot of things. If you're able to post a response to this thread that would indicate that you're 18yrs old or more which would also tell me that you're done being an adolescent, therefore, no excuses.
> 
> If you're going to be in the closet, that's fine, just please keep your mouth shut and don't drag anyone down with you due to your cowardice because no one deserves to feel like some one is ASHAMED of them.


I'm not just talking about adolecents on Dimensions. Also i'm pretty sure there are a lot of people on here who have been 18 for a long time..
The reason i wanted to hear from closeted Fa's is because i actually have a hard time understanding them, i dont think that by listening to others experiences they will drag you down. 
There might also be Fa's who Dont have any sort of relationships with fat people and repress their sexuality so they wouldnt actually afffect any fat people directly.. though if they chose to have a relationship with a thin woman..then that would also be shit.. Do we consign these people to a life with no love?? hmmmm...perhaps..


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## alan_koenig

i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. liking fat girls just isn't cool.
2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat admirer" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.


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## Tooz

alan_koenig said:


> i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
> 1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns..



Guess what? Fat people don't get to make that decision.


Longer post coming after I eat breakfast!


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## indy500tchr

B/C mergirl is totally awesome and I respect her post I am not going to get mad and will restrain myself.

All I can say is I am bubbling inside w/ anger!


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## slrm2m

alan_koenig said:


> i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
> 1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. liking fat girls just isn't cool.
> 2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat admirer" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.




Come on, there is probably a cute fat girl that would love your attention in college! And you aren't doing any girl a favour if you are dating her because she is acceptable to your friends, but you are not that into her really. Do what you must, but really, its way cooler to live your life on your own terms. You have to do it sooner or later. There is a saying, "you can't please everyone, so you have to please yourself". Hope you overcome the peer pressure - in all areas- and start living life on your own terms!


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## WESTCHESTABOY

My Story In A Nutshell, Began When I Was 16 Years Old.. The First Girl Girl I Dated Was A Plus Girl.. Now I Dont Think, That Is What Got Me Turned On To Be Attracted To Plus Size Women. Because After That, I Dated, A Few Slim Girls, Who I Enojyed Hanging Out With, But Was Not Necessarily Sexually Attracted To Them.. This Was Now When I Was About 18-19.. I Began To Worry At This Point, Because, If I Didint Like Girls, Oh No! Lol.. So I Decided To Date Plus Size Girls, And Found Myself Having No Problem Being Sexually Attracted To Them.


But Like Your Blog Title Says, I Was A Guy In The Fat Closet, But After Awhle When I Was Like 21-22, And Began To Accept The Fact That This Is The Type Of Women That I Am Attracted To, And Its Not Right, To Shelter My Feelings.. So Slowly But Surely When I Would Go Out To Bars, And Clubs, With My Guy Friends, They Began To See That I Would Always Comment About The Bigger Girls, And Attempt To Hit On The Bigger Girls, And They Would Be Like Are You Serious, And I Would Respond With Yes, I Think Shes Hot, And Yes You Got The Oh, She Nasty, Why Would You Want Her, Ur Crazy, But As I Always Stated That What Im Attracted Too.. 

This Is Not To Say That If I See A Slim Girl, Who Is Very Attractive, I Would Call Her Ugly.. I Would Agree That She Is Attractive, But I Wouldnt Find Myself Trying To Date Her.


Quick Example, Last Nite I Was At A Bar, And There Was A Slim Bartender, Who Was Very Attractive, Hot Body And All, That I Even Commented To My Friend About Her, And He Was Suprised.. About 2 Hours Later A Plus Size Bartender Came To Work Also, Who Was Also Very Attractive, And I Told My Friend, I Would Still Take The Plus Size Bartender Over The Slim Hot Bartender.


Anyway Its Comes To The Point Where Im Out Of The Fat Closet.. Friends Ask Me Do People At Work Know You Like Big Girls, And I Respond Yes They Do, Which Is The Truth, And Yea They Make Fun And Tease, Like Oh Mario, You Should Have Seen This Girl, You Would Be Crazy For Her.. 
But What Pisses Me Off A Bout That, Is That Just Because A Girl Is Big, Doesnt Mean Im Attracted To Her, There Are Looks And Personality That Go With It, Just As Every Guy Who Is Not Into Big Girls, Is Not Gonna Be Attracted To Every Slim Girl..

Funny Thing Is That, These Guy Are The Ones You, Ask Me , Hey When Are You Going To The Next Bbw Party, And I Ask Them Y, They Say They Are "curious" About It, Meanwhle They Are The Ones Who Make Fun Of Them. Looks To Me That , There Are Alot Of Men In The Fat Closet.


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## BothGunsBlazing

alan_koenig said:


> i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
> 1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. liking fat girls just isn't cool.
> 2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat admirer" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.









so, it's ok to compliment women on the paysite board and be all like OMG you are so hot! but not so much to be seen with them? they sure must be gorgeous! nothing makes a woman feel more beautiful than knowing some one would be "uncool" if seen with them. Fuckin' awesome.


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## Tooz

alan_koenig said:


> i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
> 1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. liking fat girls just isn't cool.
> 2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat admirer" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.



I'm gonna start my detailed post with you. I'll try to be gentle out of respect for Mergirl, but it's gonna be hard. Dude, you are gonna get sliced open, and probably not by me. A quick scan of your other posts reveals you spend a lot of time commenting on how hot women in the Paysite section are. While this in and of itself might not present a problem, when you couple it with this post, you get problems. Liking fat women isn't cool? Seriously? You say the day will come when you can be open. One can only infer, from reading the rest of your post, that the day you become "open" is the day you join the (in your words) "uncool" army of men who have the balls to be open and proud about liking fat women. That's quite the insult to men who like fatties!

Other FAs aside, you also deal quite a blow to fat women themselves. We're not cool? Yeah, not all fatties are, but your post indicates we all are. Fuck that. Maybe we don't wanna be seen with you, either. Frankly, I find a lot of FAs are in the closet because they know that, on some level, they'd be getting rejected anyway if they put themselves out there. Also, pro tip: generally people who are "cool" are ones who put LESS effort into it. Otherwise, you're just trying too hard and it shows.

*GENERAL THREAD RESPONSE.*
I think adolescent FAs get a by. I wasn't confident in myself as a teen, and I don't think anyone is. I don't think it's fair to hold a teenager to mature standards-- a lot of people from all different walks are in various closets during that time.

Adults, though? Honestly, if you can't be bothered to be seen with someone who fits your preferences, then you don't date them. This goes for more than just fatty lovers, you know? For me, though, it pisses me off for one giant, simple reason:

Fat people don't get to hide. We are fat. We go out into the world everyday and face ridicule (some more than others).

If we can handle it, you tiny-balled bastards can as well. I actually think FAs get less ridicule than actual fat people. You worried your friends will give you shit? THAT IS WHAT FRIENDS DO-- TEASE EACHOTHER. Life is tough! Deal with it-- you are miserable anyway, right? You don't have a fatty to love on, and it makes you sad. *Isn't the payoff of having a great relationship with someone you love physically AND mentally worth a little caught flack? Isn't it?*


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## sweet&fat

alan_koenig said:


> i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
> 1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. liking fat girls just isn't cool.
> 2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat admirer" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.



Fair enough, but until you are more mature... paws off the fatties. Seriously.

ETA: I agree with Tooz- adolescents get a bye. After that, it's an index of seriously weak character.


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## Weeze

alan_koenig said:


> i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
> 1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. liking fat girls just isn't cool.
> 2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat admirer" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.




HAH! This is a good one. I think Tooz said it already above, but, I think it needs reiterating. 
I don't get to take a damned fat suit off. I'm in college, and really, there's no way for me to "hide" that I'm fat. 
And you know what? I don't hide it. Unless YOUR college is stuck up and full of assholes (and it seems to me like MOST colleges have at least ONE small group of people who are accepting of anything, so really, that's bullshit too) there is no reason to hide who you are. WAIT! Isn't college supposed to be where you find yourself and shit? HELLO! If you REALLY NEED ONE there's your goddamn excuse right there. Really dude. I don't know if you've looked around but there are a BUNCH of college guys on here who date fatties, because, well, THEY'RE ATTRACTED TO THEM. Should we start a fucking list?

NO. We should NOT start a list. They can feel free to pipe up if they want, but I don't even think your statement deserves that. Wow. Just fucking wow. Go away.


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## The Fez

By definition I was never 'in the closet' as such; any time a friend of mine asked me if I was into big chicks I'd say yeah, and I'd get berated for it, but that's just how it goes.

I do have to say, however, that I get sick of people laying into those closeted fa's that aren't being particularly offensive about it, just finding it difficult to come to terms with a part of them that swings massively against the social norm. alan_koenig is not one of these people.


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## indy500tchr

WESTCHESTABOY said:


> My Story In A Nutshell, Began When I Was 16 Years Old.. The First Girl Girl I Dated Was A Plus Girl.. Now I Dont Think, That Is What Got Me Turned On To Be Attracted To Plus Size Women. Because After That, I Dated, A Few Slim Girls, Who I Enojyed Hanging Out With, But Was Not Necessarily Sexually Attracted To Them.. This Was Now When I Was About 18-19.. I Began To Worry At This Point, Because, If I Didint Like Girls, Oh No! Lol.. So I Decided To Date Plus Size Girls, And Found Myself Having No Problem Being Sexually Attracted To Them.
> 
> 
> But Like Your Blog Title Says, I Was A Guy In The Fat Closet, But After Awhle When I Was Like 21-22, And Began To Accept The Fact That This Is The Type Of Women That I Am Attracted To, And Its Not Right, To Shelter My Feelings.. So Slowly But Surely When I Would Go Out To Bars, And Clubs, With My Guy Friends, They Began To See That I Would Always Comment About The Bigger Girls, And Attempt To Hit On The Bigger Girls, And They Would Be Like Are You Serious, And I Would Respond With Yes, I Think Shes Hot, And Yes You Got The Oh, She Nasty, Why Would You Want Her, Ur Crazy, But As I Always Stated That What Im Attracted Too..
> 
> This Is Not To Say That If I See A Slim Girl, Who Is Very Attractive, I Would Call Her Ugly.. I Would Agree That She Is Attractive, But I Wouldnt Find Myself Trying To Date Her.
> 
> 
> Quick Example, Last Nite I Was At A Bar, And There Was A Slim Bartender, Who Was Very Attractive, Hot Body And All, That I Even Commented To My Friend About Her, And He Was Suprised.. About 2 Hours Later A Plus Size Bartender Came To Work Also, Who Was Also Very Attractive, And I Told My Friend, I Would Still Take The Plus Size Bartender Over The Slim Hot Bartender.
> 
> 
> Anyway Its Comes To The Point Where Im Out Of The Fat Closet.. Friends Ask Me Do People At Work Know You Like Big Girls, And I Respond Yes They Do, Which Is The Truth, And Yea They Make Fun And Tease, Like Oh Mario, You Should Have Seen This Girl, You Would Be Crazy For Her..
> But What Pisses Me Off A Bout That, Is That Just Because A Girl Is Big, Doesnt Mean Im Attracted To Her, There Are Looks And Personality That Go With It, Just As Every Guy Who Is Not Into Big Girls, Is Not Gonna Be Attracted To Every Slim Girl..
> 
> Funny Thing Is That, These Guy Are The Ones You, Ask Me , Hey When Are You Going To The Next Bbw Party, And I Ask Them Y, They Say They Are *"curious" *About It, Meanwhle They Are The Ones Who Make Fun Of Them. Looks To Me That , There Are Alot Of Men In The Fat Closet.



Excellent story! 

Just to point out the word in bold above was the ONLY word not capitalized in the entire post. Made me giggle!


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## LillyBBBW

sweet&fat said:


> Fair enough, but until you are more mature... paws off the fatties. Seriously.



I agree. I got no problem with closet fa's. Not everybody can be bold an beautiful, you deal with what you got. What troubles me are the ones who use fat girls on the side, make them feel like shit driving home this idea that they're not good enought to be seen with. Nothing more uncool than putting that kind of heavy on somebody who's done nothing. She shouldn't have to be saddled with this. Go ahead and struggle but when you use it as a license to harm someone, REALLY not cool.


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## Blackjack

alan_koenig said:


> i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
> 1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. liking fat girls just isn't cool.
> 2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat admirer" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.



1. Grow up.
2. Until you do, keep away from the people who you'd end up hurting through your cowardice.


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## TraciJo67

No Comment On Your Opinion About Dating Plus Size Girls. More Clever People Than I Will No Doubt Eviscerate You.

I Am Curious, Though ... Why Are You Capitalizing Every Word? Doesn't It Take You Forever And A Day To Type A Few Sentences This Way? FYI ... It Is Also Very Distracting, And I Think That Most People Would Choose Not To Read More Than A Few Lines Of What You Write, Because It Is Exhausting To Contemplate Reading Beyond That.



WESTCHESTABOY said:


> My Story In A Nutshell, Began When I Was 16 Years Old.. The First Girl Girl I Dated Was A Plus Girl.. Now I Dont Think, That Is What Got Me Turned On To Be Attracted To Plus Size Women. Because After That, I Dated, A Few Slim Girls, Who I Enojyed Hanging Out With, But Was Not Necessarily Sexually Attracted To Them.. This Was Now When I Was About 18-19.. I Began To Worry At This Point, Because, If I Didint Like Girls, Oh No! Lol.. So I Decided To Date Plus Size Girls, And Found Myself Having No Problem Being Sexually Attracted To Them.
> 
> 
> But Like Your Blog Title Says, I Was A Guy In The Fat Closet, But After Awhle When I Was Like 21-22, And Began To Accept The Fact That This Is The Type Of Women That I Am Attracted To, And Its Not Right, To Shelter My Feelings.. So Slowly But Surely When I Would Go Out To Bars, And Clubs, With My Guy Friends, They Began To See That I Would Always Comment About The Bigger Girls, And Attempt To Hit On The Bigger Girls, And They Would Be Like Are You Serious, And I Would Respond With Yes, I Think Shes Hot, And Yes You Got The Oh, She Nasty, Why Would You Want Her, Ur Crazy, But As I Always Stated That What Im Attracted Too..
> 
> This Is Not To Say That If I See A Slim Girl, Who Is Very Attractive, I Would Call Her Ugly.. I Would Agree That She Is Attractive, But I Wouldnt Find Myself Trying To Date Her.
> 
> 
> Quick Example, Last Nite I Was At A Bar, And There Was A Slim Bartender, Who Was Very Attractive, Hot Body And All, That I Even Commented To My Friend About Her, And He Was Suprised.. About 2 Hours Later A Plus Size Bartender Came To Work Also, Who Was Also Very Attractive, And I Told My Friend, I Would Still Take The Plus Size Bartender Over The Slim Hot Bartender.
> 
> 
> Anyway Its Comes To The Point Where Im Out Of The Fat Closet.. Friends Ask Me Do People At Work Know You Like Big Girls, And I Respond Yes They Do, Which Is The Truth, And Yea They Make Fun And Tease, Like Oh Mario, You Should Have Seen This Girl, You Would Be Crazy For Her..
> But What Pisses Me Off A Bout That, Is That Just Because A Girl Is Big, Doesnt Mean Im Attracted To Her, There Are Looks And Personality That Go With It, Just As Every Guy Who Is Not Into Big Girls, Is Not Gonna Be Attracted To Every Slim Girl..
> 
> Funny Thing Is That, These Guy Are The Ones You, Ask Me , Hey When Are You Going To The Next Bbw Party, And I Ask Them Y, They Say They Are "curious" About It, Meanwhle They Are The Ones Who Make Fun Of Them. Looks To Me That , There Are Alot Of Men In The Fat Closet.


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## Tooz

Freestyle Fez said:


> I get sick of people laying into those closeted fa's that aren't being particularly offensive about it, just finding it difficult to come to terms with a part of them that swings massively against the social norm.



Well, they get torn up because it's a very self-centered mindset. It's hurtful! These people obviously don't know what it's like to have someone be ASHAMED OF LIKING THEM. Seriously. ASHAMED. I feel like a fat girl should agree to meet up with these closeted FAs in a hotel somewhere for like ten days, meet the guy, get "ASHAMED" and then just leave him in the room, never to return.


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## The Fez

I get that, but because I'm of the opinion that society and the media shapes how we think we should act/be, it's similar to those women that are ashamed of being fat. Obviously it's not completly comparable as the shame stems from somebody else, but on a basic mental level it's similar.

I wish people bought into the media's ideal and just acted how they really felt though, sure.


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## indy500tchr

TraciJo67 said:


> No Comment On Your Opinion About Dating Plus Size Girls. More Clever People Than I Will No Doubt Eviscerate You.
> 
> I Am Curious, Though ... Why Are You Capitalizing Every Word? Doesn't It Take You Forever And A Day To Type A Few Sentences This Way? FYI ... It Is Also Very Distracting, And I Think That Most People Would Choose Not To Read More Than A Few Lines Of What You Write, Because It Is Exhausting To Contemplate Reading Beyond That.




THANK YOU. I am glad I wasn't the only one who picked up on this. LOL


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## sweet&fat

Freestyle Fez said:


> By definition I was never 'in the closet' as such; any time a friend of mine asked me if I was into big chicks I'd say yeah, and I'd get berated for it, but that's just how it goes.
> 
> I do have to say, however, that I get sick of people laying into those closeted fa's that aren't being particularly offensive about it, just finding it difficult to come to terms with a part of them that swings massively against the social norm. alan_koenig is not one of these people.



Indeed, the stigma against FAs is real and likely difficult to handle (at first). Although it would be ideal if all FAs could accept their preference and date fatties openly, I accept that there will inevitably be those who are with a thin/average person and secretly lust for more. It's unfortunate for them, but if they don't act on these desires by cheating etc, it's their choice. 

The situation changes from unfortunate to unacceptable when FAs, single or attached, fuck fatties without ever dating them in public.


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## Weeze

Tooz said:


> Well, they get torn up because it's a very self-centered mindset. It's hurtful! These people obviously don't know what it's like to have someone be ASHAMED OF LIKING THEM. Seriously. ASHAMED. I feel like a fat girl should agree to meet up with these closeted FAs in a hotel somewhere for like ten days, meet the guy, get "ASHAMED" and then just leave him in the room, never to return.



Well, there are multiple hotels around here, let's get crackin'.

You know... I actually would like for the college guys on here to respond to this. I don't really know.... I really just don't think it is that difficult for you to just date a fat girl if you like her. I mean, don't you deserve the whole package? 
It's stupid to give up someone you have a physical AND emotional connection with because you're embarrassed.
Really, I think this needs to be done. 
I don't think there's much more that anyone can respond with that won't just end up being hurtful.

Because, that's what it fucking was. It was hurtful. I don't think I've said this since pre-k, but goddammit, He hurt my feelings.


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## BothGunsBlazing

I hate this OMG society IS EVIL .. ok, when I read a story about a fatty lover being lynched or tied to a fence. I'll sympathize.


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## mergirl

alan_koenig said:


> i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
> 1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. liking fat girls just isn't cool.
> 2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat admirer" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.



You dont say what age you are. I think when you said "liking fat girls just isnt cool" You were talking about what others think and not yourself right?? You mention being a kid and one of the main things you try to be is "cool". I understand that when you are of school age (i get mixed up with the ages cause its different here). being "cool" and fitting in is very important. 
When you grow up you will find a whole new definition of the word 'cool' which involves, not so much living your life to other peoples ideals (or your percieved ideas of their ideals) but living your life in a way that makes you happy...but until then..



sweet&fat said:


> Fair enough, but until you are more mature... paws off the fatties. Seriously.
> 
> .



i really agree with this! 

hmm.. i betcha my study of closeted Fa's is not going to deliver any more actual 'closeted Fa's'.!!!!. oh well..

Rememeber, i only promised that "i" would not personally berate closet Fa's.. and i only promised this on "this" thred.


----------



## The Fez

He just doesn't have a clue what cool is. I mean, come on, Pierce Brosnan likes big chicks.

Come on

_James Bond_


----------



## Blackjack

I'd like to note as well that I think it is a sign of immaturity or adolescence to be in the closet. It took me a long time to break out of it, personally.

And while I won't enter into debate about who has it harder in life or society or any of that, I do think that it's sometimes harder for the FA's who are in the closet to mature and leave it _because _it's there, and it's a safe place for them to go to and hide away in. This doesn't excuse the behavior, certainly, but I do think that it might offer an explanation about it.

ETA: And Pierce Brosnan might've played an excellent Bond, but he wasn't the coolest Bond. In fact, he was in some of the lousiest Bond movies, which is a shame, because he would've been far, far cooler if he'd had a chance to be.


----------



## Tooz

Freestyle Fez said:


> He just doesn't have a clue what cool is. I mean, come on, Pierce Brosnan likes big chicks.
> 
> Come on
> 
> _James Bond_



Yes! I wish I had thought to say this.


----------



## The Fez

Brosnan is a tough one, because while Goldeneye was amazing, The World is Not Enough was one of the worst Bond's ever. Plus Daniel Craig is pure awesome as the new Bond.


----------



## LalaCity

alan_koenig said:


> i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
> 1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. liking fat girls just isn't cool.
> 2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat admirer" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.



Why is being "cool" so important? Do you think you'll attract a better class of friends? Get invited to better parties? Because the people you mingle with as a result of hiding your true nature are not likely to very interesting, intelligent or worthwhile friends -- nor are they going to be in your life for the long-run if they're so shallow they'd drop you when you finally reveal the type of girls you really like.

When I was in college, I think the people who stood out as truly "cool" were the people who lived their lives as they wanted to, didn't give a flying fuck what anyone thought of them, and if someone questioned them about their preferences, they just smiled and went about their business.

If you have a decent personality, you have nothing to worry about. Be yourself and date whom you want and your real friends will accept you for it. As for the rest, fuck 'em!


----------



## Blackjack

Freestyle Fez said:


> Brosnan is a tough one, because while Goldeneye was amazing, The World is Not Enough was one of the worst Bond's ever. Plus Daniel Craig is pure awesome as the new Bond.



Exactly. TWINE was godawful... Tomorrow Never Dies was pretty lousy, too. Die Another Day was alright, I thought. _Goldeneye_, though, is one of my fave Bond films and without a doubt the only really good one not based on Fleming's works.

ETA: Sorry folks for jacking the thread like Bond jacks tanks and motorcycles.


----------



## mergirl

sweet&fat said:


> The situation changes from unfortunate to unacceptable when FAs, single or attached, fuck fatties without ever dating them in public.



I think this is a phenomenon that happenes outwith the world of the Fa. I have a friend (pretty thin)who is pretty naive and meets guys from the internet who are all too willing to fuck her and dump her and not to date her. She is just begining to learn that dating first might be the best idea. Though her confidence is pretty low, she thinks a fuck might help when infact it makes her feel worse. 



BothGunsBlazing said:


> I hate this OMG society IS EVIL .. ok, when I read a story about a fatty lover being lynched or tied to a fence. I'll sympathize.



Didnt i read in another post that you havnt actually dated any big women yet? unless that was some 'in' joke that i didnt get.. Some young guys might not be as confident as you and might actually be afraid of being physically hurt or bullied by disclosing thier sexuality at school or college.


----------



## indy500tchr

Can I just say that I am stalking this post like a starving lion on the Serengeti .

I will totally be out of rep after this one dies down.


----------



## SamanthaNY

I get that an attraction to bigger bodies can be something that's difficult to reconcile. Men have my empathy there. 



sweet&fat said:


> Fair enough, but *until* you are more mature... *paws off the fatties*. Seriously.



This. This is where I draw the line. 

If you ever:

Flirt with a fat chick and then dog her to your friends
Sleep with a fat chick, and refuse to be seen in public with her
Tell a fat chick "well, c'mon - you understand - I can't very well show you to my friends"
Date a thin girl even though you don't want her and aren't attracted to her
Chime in with your fatbashing idiot friends when they attack a fat girl who walks by
Ever deny that you liked/dated/slept with that fat girl
Other associated assholery

...then you SUCK. You're a loser, and a dick. You immediately flipped from being a boy-trying-to-adjust to a complete and total ASSHOLE who is spreading the infection of cowardice, fear and shame not only among other males who will become douchebags like you, but, more importantly, to young fat girls who already have a tough and very public life to navigate. If you do any of this, then you deserve to be hunted down by a pack of angry fat women and publically berated you until you piss yourself.

Everything stays nice and supportive as long as you don't. cross. the. line.


----------



## mergirl

indy500tchr said:


> Can I just say that I am stalking this post like a starving lion on the Serengeti .
> 
> I will totally be out of rep after this one dies down.


Haha! Then where is my goddam rep?? I am the wildeebeast that began this flamewar. Ok, i could have come up with an actual analogy and not just another savana animal.. but i am waiting on my gf to come home and take me to ikea..so dont have time for metaphor. Excuse me. x


----------



## mergirl

SamanthaNY said:


> If you do any of this, then you deserve to be hunted down by a pack of angry fat women and publically berated you until you piss yourself.
> 
> Everything stays nice and supportive as long as you don't. cross. the. line.



jesus! But yay!!! 
I feel we need some sort of fat woman mafia for just this sort of thing!!:wubu:


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

mergirl said:


> Didnt i read in another post that you havnt actually dated any big women yet? unless that was some 'in' joke that i didnt get.. Some young guys might not be as confident as you and might actually be afraid of being physically hurt or bullied by disclosing thier sexuality at school or college.



Link?  and I like how you remember my sarcasm about not dating fatties over my like 1,000 posts about how much I love them and my experiences, but fiiiine! I guess they're not super memorable. I'll just go back to my real doll now.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Freestyle Fez said:


> He just doesn't have a clue what cool is. I mean, come on, Pierce Brosnan likes big chicks.
> 
> Come on
> 
> _James Bond_




I luvs me some Pierce Brosnan :smitten: :wubu:


He is my all-time fave Bond......he was perfect for the part


----------



## sweet&fat

SamanthaNY said:


> I get that an attraction to bigger bodies can be something that's difficult to reconcile. Men have my empathy there.
> 
> This. This is where I draw the line.
> 
> If you ever:
> 
> Flirt with a fat chick and then dog her to your friends
> Sleep with a fat chick, and refuse to be seen in public with her
> Tell a fat chick "well, c'mon - you understand - I can't very well show you to my friends"
> Date a thin girl even though you don't want her and aren't attracted to her
> Chime in with your fatbashing idiot friends when they attack a fat girl who walks by
> Ever deny that you liked/dated/slept with that fat girl
> Other associated assholery
> 
> ...then you SUCK. You're a loser, and a dick. You immediately flipped from being a boy-trying-to-adjust to a complete and total ASSHOLE who is spreading the infection of cowardice, fear and shame not only among other males who will become douchebags like you, but, more importantly, to young fat girls who already have a tough and very public life to navigate. If you do any of this, then you deserve to be hunted down by a pack of angry fat women and publically berated you until you piss yourself.
> 
> Everything stays nice and supportive as long as you don't. cross. the. line.



Yes- my remarks about about personal choice and unacceptable actions should have included fat-bashing assholery as well. Thank you for stating this!


----------



## indy500tchr

mergirl said:


> Haha! Then where is my goddam rep?? I am the wildeebeast that began this flamewar. Ok, i could have come up with an actual analogy and not just another savana animal.. but i am waiting on my gf to come home and take me to ikea..so dont have time for metaphor. Excuse me. x



So I guess I am not as fast as a lion when it comes to giving out rep but you have it now 

Does waiting for the GF always provoke these wonderful thread starters? If they do she needs to be late ALWAYS!


----------



## Tad

Just curious about how others would define "in the closet." Given that not everyone talks to others about what attracts them, how does one demonstrate being in or out of the closet without such conversations?

Not looking so much for the obvious examples, as the 'closer to the line' ones, on either side of what you would call the line.

(various other thoughts snipped....maybe will bring them up later, depending on where this goes)


----------



## mergirl

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Link?  and I like how you remember my sarcasm about not dating fatties over my like 1,000 posts about how much I love them and my experiences, but fiiiine! I guess they're not super memorable. I'll just go back to my real doll now.


yeah, i'm funny that way.  sorry bgb..just checking.


----------



## LillyBBBW

SamanthaNY said:


> I get that an attraction to bigger bodies can be something that's difficult to reconcile. Men have my empathy there.
> 
> 
> 
> This. This is where I draw the line.
> 
> If you ever:
> 
> Flirt with a fat chick and then dog her to your friends
> Sleep with a fat chick, and refuse to be seen in public with her
> Tell a fat chick "well, c'mon - you understand - I can't very well show you to my friends"
> Date a thin girl even though you don't want her and aren't attracted to her
> Chime in with your fatbashing idiot friends when they attack a fat girl who walks by
> Ever deny that you liked/dated/slept with that fat girl
> Other associated assholery
> 
> ...then you SUCK. You're a loser, and a dick. You immediately flipped from being a boy-trying-to-adjust to a complete and total ASSHOLE who is spreading the infection of cowardice, fear and shame not only among other males who will become douchebags like you, but, more importantly, to young fat girls who already have a tough and very public life to navigate that you don't even have the stones to face yourself. If you do any of this, then you deserve to be hunted down by a pack of angry fat women and publically berated you until you piss yourself.
> 
> Everything stays nice and supportive as long as you don't. cross. the. line.



Red letters are mine. As a fattie it is a bit difficult to muster a whole lot of sympathy for the closet fa. It's like asking us to be understanding about a 40 year old man on a bike with training wheels. It might even be easier because we all basically had to learn that way as opposed to being born on a bike with no helmit and being pushed down a hill.


----------



## crosseyedhamster

I've come out to only two or three of my friends, and to my parents., I mean, I'm not really secretive about it, but I don't go around telling everyone.

One of the reasons that I don't tell people is that they almost always give me that "why?" and then I suddenly have to explain something that I probably wouldn't have to if the girls were thin. I had a friend ask me that, I was just thinking "why do YOU like the girls you like? sheesh, it's not exactly something that I've thought through, it's just how I feel."

I think it is a societal thing. I'll never forget when I was in 7th grade, I was talking with a big girl, we were just friends, and a group of guys pulled me aside and just started saying stuff like "are you blind or something?"

I'm just tired of people making me feel like a freak for my preferences. I've even had big girls who didn't believe me when I told them that I thought they were attractive (note: this was after we'd just been kissing for ~20 minutes).

Of course, I'm uncomfortable with PDA's in general, so it's not just with big girls (I'm bi-sizual).


----------



## KevMoney

SamanthaNY said:


> I get that an attraction to bigger bodies can be something that's difficult to reconcile. Men have my empathy there.
> 
> 
> 
> This. This is where I draw the line.
> 
> If you ever:
> 
> Flirt with a fat chick and then dog her to your friends
> Sleep with a fat chick, and refuse to be seen in public with her
> Tell a fat chick "well, c'mon - you understand - I can't very well show you to my friends"
> Date a thin girl even though you don't want her and aren't attracted to her
> Chime in with your fatbashing idiot friends when they attack a fat girl who walks by
> Ever deny that you liked/dated/slept with that fat girl
> Other associated assholery
> 
> ...then you SUCK. You're a loser, and a dick. You immediately flipped from being a boy-trying-to-adjust to a complete and total ASSHOLE who is spreading the infection of cowardice, fear and shame not only among other males who will become douchebags like you, but, more importantly, to young fat girls who already have a tough and very public life to navigate. If you do any of this, then you deserve to be hunted down by a pack of angry fat women and publically berated you until you piss yourself.
> 
> Everything stays nice and supportive as long as you don't. cross. the. line.




I can say with complete honesty, that I have been guilty of such accusations in the past. Mainly just the deny you like a fat girl. However, I would also like to point out that I was 15 when it happened. A lot has changed since my freshman year of how school (though in retrospect, said girl turns out to be a complete nutjob).

As an adult, and even in college, I would never think of doing any of these. In college though, I was associated with a guy and that association always made me leery though. Everyone knew this guy on campus as "that weird guy who likes fat chicks". The type of guy who would shout from the roof tops about his undying love for fat chicks, which is great, but totally not my style. I think its great if it's your thing, but its not mine. So I always kept to myself about it. I would do everything in public and I was not ashamed of it. 

Nor have I ever had to "inform" my friends about my preferences. They're my closest friends and all of them have picked up on it and not a single one has ever given my any grief about it, though it is funny listening to them try to describe my preference in women. The only time I have had to explain to my parents was once over breakfast when my dad said that I shouldn't have to settle for bigger girls (was the term he used, I believe). And I just explained to him that I wasn't settling and that these women were the ones I felt more attracted to. He took it fairly well too, I just think he was confused, since it doesn't mesh well with societal norms. Which should make it interesting when my brother finally comes out of his damn closet, but that's another story. 

Anyway, I would not say I am a closeted FA, but concur with other posters, it takes time as a teen to come to terms with it, develop your identity, and then feel comfortable in the public setting. As an adult, it's hard to empathize with such people because there is no excuse for it really. If your friends, family, coworkers are so shallow-minded that they can't accept you don't like fat women, I can't justify that. Personally, I am of the opinion you should do what makes you happy. If placating the people around you is more important, well, that is really unfortunate.


----------



## The Fez

I can relate to that. A girl once got upset with me when I told her I liked her at her size, because she was trying to lose weight at the time. She called me a dick and stopped talking to me for like a week :doh:

This is when I was much younger and people would act this, mind you.


----------



## KevMoney

crosseyedhamster said:


> I've come out to only two or three of my friends, and to my parents., I mean, I'm not really secretive about it, but I don't go around telling everyone.
> 
> One of the reasons that I don't tell people is that they almost always give me that "why?" and then I suddenly have to explain something that I probably wouldn't have to if the girls were thin. I had a friend ask me that, I was just thinking "why do YOU like the girls you like? sheesh, it's not exactly something that I've thought through, it's just how I feel."
> 
> I think it is a societal thing. I'll never forget when I was in 7th grade, I was talking with a big girl, we were just friends, and a group of guys pulled me aside and just started saying stuff like "are you blind or something?"
> 
> I'm just tired of people making me feel like a freak for my preferences. I've even had big girls who didn't believe me when I told them that I thought they were attractive (note: this was after we'd just been kissing for ~20 minutes).
> 
> Of course, I'm uncomfortable with PDA's in general, so it's not just with big girls (I'm bi-sizual).




HOLY CRAP! I was just going to post a similar story about that in my post. In high school, I was asked by a friend of this girl I liked, when this guy turned around and said "HOW CAN YOU LIKE...THAT?" and as a freshman, I kind of froze and the bell rang and yeah. Peer pressure sucks but eventually you rise above it...I think...at least I hope you do. At least after college, anyway. Maybe that's why joining a frat was never really a legitimate option for me...


----------



## indy500tchr

crosseyedhamster said:


> I've come out to only two or three of my friends, and to my parents., I mean, I'm not really secretive about it, but I don't go around telling everyone.
> 
> One of the reasons that I don't tell people is that they almost always give me that "why?" and then I suddenly have to explain something that I probably wouldn't have to if the girls were thin. I had a friend ask me that, I was just thinking "why do YOU like the girls you like? sheesh, *it's not exactly something that I've thought through, it's just how I feel."*
> I think it is a societal thing. I'll never forget when I was in 7th grade, I was talking with a big girl, we were just friends, and a group of guys pulled me aside and just started saying stuff like "are you blind or something?"
> 
> I'm just tired of people making me feel like a freak for my preferences. I've even had big girls who didn't believe me when I told them that I thought they were attractive (note: this was after we'd just been kissing for ~20 minutes).
> 
> Of course, I'm uncomfortable with PDA's in general, so it's not just with big girls (I'm bi-sizual).



When people ask you I think you just found the answer you should tell them. It's as simple as that.


----------



## crosseyedhamster

SamanthaNY said:


> I get that an attraction to bigger bodies can be something that's difficult to reconcile. Men have my empathy there.
> 
> 
> 
> This. This is where I draw the line.
> 
> If you ever:
> 
> Flirt with a fat chick and then dog her to your friends
> Sleep with a fat chick, and refuse to be seen in public with her
> Tell a fat chick "well, c'mon - you understand - I can't very well show you to my friends"
> Date a thin girl even though you don't want her and aren't attracted to her
> Chime in with your fatbashing idiot friends when they attack a fat girl who walks by
> Ever deny that you liked/dated/slept with that fat girl
> Other associated assholery
> 
> ...then you SUCK.



Absolutely, people like that make me sick! Grow a few and quit letting everyone else determine your actions.


----------



## Tooz

KevMoney said:


> HOLY CRAP! I was just going to post a similar story about that in my post. In high school, I was asked by a friend of this girl I liked, when this guy turned around and said "HOW CAN YOU LIKE...THAT?" and as a freshman, I kind of froze and the bell rang and yeah. Peer pressure sucks but eventually you rise above it...I think...at least I hope you do. At least after college, anyway. Maybe that's why joining a frat was never really a legitimate option for me...



You mean, aside from the popped collars and general toolery?! I can't imagine you as a frat boy, haha.


The "HOW CAN YOU LIKE...THAT?" mentality surrounded me as a teen. It took me a long time (and I am still working on it) to be open sexually. People would express disgust if I revealed a crush or anything during those times. It was painful.


----------



## crosseyedhamster

indy500tchr said:


> When people ask you I think you just found the answer you should tell them. It's as simple as that.



haha, good point! Actually I usually just ignore them. 'Course being on a college campus, people just seem to be a lot less prying in general so I actually haven't gotten any trouble lately, like everyone is ok letting everyone else do their own thing (bit of a shock from high school... but let's not even go there...)


----------



## crosseyedhamster

KevMoney said:


> HOLY CRAP! I was just going to post a similar story about that in my post. In high school, I was asked by a friend of this girl I liked, when this guy turned around and said "HOW CAN YOU LIKE...THAT?" and as a freshman, I kind of froze and the bell rang and yeah. Peer pressure sucks but eventually you rise above it...I think...at least I hope you do. At least after college, anyway. Maybe that's why joining a frat was never really a legitimate option for me...



people in my dorm are pretty chill, so no one's ever given me a hard time about it.


----------



## LalaCity

Wow, these threads always make me so sad whenever I read the experiences FAs have dealing with their non-FA friends. It still astonishes me how many men seem to be full of pure hate toward fat women. It's one thing to not be attracted to a girl's body type, but the outright venom and disgust they express in their comments -- i.e., "That's so nasty!" "Are you blind???" "You've _got_ to be joking, please tell me you're joking" etc. -- it's like they think fat women don't even deserve to live...I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but it's so cruel it actually makes me want to cry.


----------



## Weeze

crosseyedhamster said:


> haha, good point! Actually I usually just ignore them. 'Course being on a college campus, people just seem to be a lot less prying in general so I actually haven't gotten any trouble lately, like everyone is ok letting everyone else do their own thing (bit of a shock from high school... but let's not even go there...)



THAT'S WHAT I SAID.


----------



## vardon_grip

Freestyle Fez said:


> He just doesn't have a clue what cool is. I mean, come on, Pierce Brosnan likes big chicks.
> 
> Come on
> 
> _James Bond_



When Pierce met and fell in love with Keely, she was thin. After their marriage and two children, she gained weight. This doesn't necessarily mean that Pierce likes big women. He may just love Keely with all his heart. Maybe he knows that cool, sexy, smart, funny, caring and loving doesn't have any type of weight limit or restriction.

...and for your listening and viewing pleasure, Keely and Huey Lewis in "Stuck On You"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgfLZIT2gz8


----------



## Jon Blaze

crosseyedhamster said:


> I've come out to only two or three of my friends, and to my parents., I mean, I'm not really secretive about it, but I don't go around telling everyone.
> 
> One of the reasons that I don't tell people is that they almost always give me that "why?" and then I suddenly have to explain something that I probably wouldn't have to if the girls were thin. I had a friend ask me that, I was just thinking "why do YOU like the girls you like? sheesh, it's not exactly something that I've thought through, it's just how I feel."
> 
> I think it is a societal thing. I'll never forget when I was in 7th grade, I was talking with a big girl, we were just friends, and a group of guys pulled me aside and just started saying stuff like "are you blind or something?"
> 
> I'm just tired of people making me feel like a freak for my preferences. I've even had big girls who didn't believe me when I told them that I thought they were attractive (note: this was after we'd just been kissing for ~20 minutes).
> 
> Of course, I'm uncomfortable with PDA's in general, so it's not just with big girls (I'm bi-sizual).



See I think that's ok. It's not about the decibels you're pumping out about it in my opinion: It's your actions, and how strong you are with your words. I don't often bring up the topic, but I do mention it at times with my friends, and every once in awhile I get opposition. Most of the time, however, people find out by randomly, but I always tell the truth when asked, which is what I think is important. I think sexual preferences in general can be ok under some wraps (Not being in the closet of course, but personal), but you still got to date that nice, pretty girl at sometime. :bow:


----------



## Jon Blaze

vardon_grip said:


> When Pierce met and fell in love with Keely, she was thin. After their marriage and two children, she gained weight. This doesn't necessarily mean that Pierce likes big women. He may just love Keely with all his heart. Maybe he knows that cool, sexy, smart, funny, caring and loving doesn't have any type of weight limit or restriction.
> 
> ...and for your listening and viewing pleasure, Keely and Huey Lewis in "Stuck On You"
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgfLZIT2gz8



However, he did say that he appreciates her curves. You are right though.


----------



## furious styles

personally i think dating fat chicks is _part_ of what makes me cool. i'm unique, you know. but maybe it's just because i'm that awesome to begin with.


----------



## Tooz

Also, I forgot:

You know, to all you closeted FAs-- it's not like you have to tell people. All you have to do is walk proudly with your girl (or guy). Hold their hand. Be happy and comfortable with them while you are out and about. People will figure it out on their own without having you "come out."

And whoever said "all it takes is 'I like what I like"" when confronted has a good answer for the naysayers.


----------



## Blackjack

krismiss said:


> THAT'S WHAT I SAID.



Ha, that's what _*SHE *_said.


----------



## Paquito

alan_koenig said:


> liking fat girls just isn't cool.



Well since liking insecure pussys who let other people dictate what's "cool" and what isn't for him _just isn't cool_, I guess it sorta evens out .


Seriously, if you're in the closet, at least have a better excuse that _it's just not cool to like fat chicks_. You wouldn't have been eviscerated quite as badly.


----------



## Haunted

You Know who's Cool 

Tooz - She stands her ground and doesn't follow any pack, hell she even spanked me once or twice.

Both Gun's Blazing - Uncloseted to the core LOL. and passionate about SA

Mer - Not only an Fa but a gay Fa talk about standing in the face of your idea of adversity 

Freestyle Fez - Makes no excuses he is who he is, Don't Like it GTFO!

SamanthNY - She gets it, and understand the confusion an fa may go through

LillyBBW - Damn she's just cool Nuff said 

Westchestaboy - Only Cause I Used To Type Just Like That and he gets it!

Tracijo - Cause she scares me 

BlackJack - is totally open and honest and a great guy around these boards


----------



## Tooz

Haunted said:


> You Know who's Cool
> 
> Tooz - She stands her ground and doesn't follow any pack, hell she even spanked me once or twice.
> 
> Both Gun's Blazing - Uncloseted to the core LOL. and passionate about SA
> 
> Mer - Not only an Fa but a gay Fa talk about standing in the face of your idea of adversity
> 
> Freestyle Fez - Makes no excuses he is who he is, Don't Like it GTFO!
> 
> SamanthNY - She gets it, and understand the confusion an fa may go through
> 
> LillyBBW - Damn she's just cool Nuff said
> 
> Westchestaboy - Only Cause I Used To Type Just Like That and he gets it!
> 
> Tracijo - Cause she scares me
> 
> BlackJack - is totally open and honest and a great guy around these boards




LOL. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. I think you made my day!

And I really have to agree with this list. Great people, COOL people.


----------



## Blackjack

free2beme04 said:


> Well since liking insecure pussys who let other people dictate what's "cool" and what isn't for him _just isn't cool_, I guess it sorta evens out .


----------



## Poncedeleon

Not to defend closeted FAs, but has anyone else noticed that closeted FFAs are given way more slack? When an FA is secretive about his preference he is understandably chastised, but when FFAs mention that they're in the closet they get the usual "it's so difficult in this society blah blah blah" crap.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Poncedeleon said:


> Not to defend closeted FAs, but has anyone else noticed that closeted FFAs are given way more slack? When an FA is secretive about his preference he is understandably chastised, but when FFAs mention that they're in the closet they get the usual "it's so difficult in this society blah blah blah" crap.



Wow. Where did you see a closeted FFA??


----------



## Haunted

Poncedeleon said:


> Not to defend closeted FAs, but has anyone else noticed that closeted FFAs are given way more slack? When an FA is secretive about his preference he is understandably chastised, but when FFAs mention that they're in the closet they get the usual "it's so difficult in this society blah blah blah" crap.



Good point, but do many closeted ffa's use men for a cheap thrill like so many (Not All) closeted fa's will use a BBW (ie. what do mopeds and fat chicks have in common) I have always hated that Joke only cause it's even more fun when you get caught ... 

am i right, huh come on guys... guys , bgb, beej help me out here :blush:

I'm not being snarky just asking, i have very little experience with FFA's


----------



## luvhips

I went through a closet stage and it really screwed with my head. Thankfully thats in the past. My closet stage was a little different because i went out in public but not to places nearby my home. The turning point came when i bumped into two couples i socialize with and i wasnt with my typical chubby date. I happened to be with a very beautiful give or take 500lb date. I was finially outed. Yes i got the jokes and ribbing but after that night i know longer hide my feelings or my dates.


----------



## Weeze

LillyBBBW said:


> Wow. Where did you see a closeted FFA??



Oh damn.

NOT oh snap.


----------



## Blackjack

Haunted said:


> I have always hated that Joke only cause it's even more fun when you get caught ...



You know, I've made note of that often... that I would only mind getting caught because I don't like having someone barge in on me while I'm balls-deep in _any_one.


----------



## Jon Blaze

Haunted said:


> You Know who's Cool
> 
> Tooz - She stands her ground and doesn't follow any pack, hell she even spanked me once or twice.
> 
> Both Gun's Blazing - Uncloseted to the core LOL. and passionate about SA
> 
> Mer - Not only an Fa but a gay Fa talk about standing in the face of your idea of adversity
> 
> Freestyle Fez - Makes no excuses he is who he is, Don't Like it GTFO!
> 
> SamanthNY - She gets it, and understand the confusion an fa may go through
> 
> LillyBBW - Damn she's just cool Nuff said
> 
> Westchestaboy - Only Cause I Used To Type Just Like That and he gets it!
> 
> Tracijo - Cause she scares me
> 
> BlackJack - is totally open and honest and a great guy around these boards


'
*Training Instructor*
Oohh.. So I'm not cool? How about you get on your damn face? PUSH! Just kidding. lol


----------



## Haunted

Blackjack said:


> You know, I've made note of that often... that I would only mind getting caught because I don't like having someone barge in on me while I'm balls-deep in _any_one.



i'm a bit of an attention whore myself


----------



## Haunted

Jon Blaze said:


> '
> *Training Instructor*
> Oohh.. So I'm not cool? How about you get on your damn face? PUSH! Just kidding. lol



OH SNAP!!

Blaze is the coolest MoFo in the room By Name alone


----------



## mossystate

I am just sick to my stomach that so many young women hate themselves so much, that they tolerate being used.


When I read stories about how waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hard it is to be a closeted fat admirer ( and when you hide the fat person, all you _are_ is an admirer of the fat ), my thoughts immediately go to the person/people they are ashamed of, and I just seethe.


As others have said......look... but until you have grown up.....don't touch. I think most of us would admire/help any person who struggles ( those struggles are real and cannot always just be gotten over in a blink of an eye ), but will not drag another person into their pit.


----------



## Poncedeleon

Haunted said:


> Good point, but do many closeted ffa's use men for a cheap thrill like so many (Not All) closeted fa's will use a BBW (ie. what do mopeds and fat chicks have in common) I have always hated that Joke only cause it's even more fun when you get caught ...
> 
> am i right, huh come on guys... guys , bgb, beej help me out here :blush:
> 
> I'm not being snarky just asking, i have very little experience with FFA's



Being a skinny guy I don't really have any personal experience with closeted FFAs either. I can't say how many of them use men, but I would imagine that at least some of them do. It's just a general attitude I've observed on the boards.


----------



## mossystate

Poncedeleon said:


> Being a skinny guy I don't really have any personal experience with closeted FFAs either. I can't say how many of them use men, but I would imagine that at least some of them do. It's just a general attitude I've observed on the boards.



I do not doubt...at all...that there are closeted FFA's, and it is as big a load of shit as the MFA's hiding away the people they want/want to fuck. Now, if you are just talking about good old fashioned using, as in hopping from bed to bed to bed....well, that's not about the size of the participants....that's just some promiscuous lil rabbits....*L*...male or female.


----------



## olwen

Freestyle Fez said:


> By definition I was never 'in the closet' as such; any time a friend of mine asked me if I was into big chicks I'd say yeah, and I'd get berated for it, but that's just how it goes.
> 
> I do have to say, however, that I get sick of people laying into those closeted fa's that aren't being particularly offensive about it, just finding it difficult to come to terms with a part of them that swings massively against the social norm. alan_koenig is not one of these people.



You get sick of the criticism?!? Hey, we get sick of the abuse.


----------



## olwen

SamanthaNY said:


> I get that an attraction to bigger bodies can be something that's difficult to reconcile. Men have my empathy there.
> 
> 
> 
> This. This is where I draw the line.
> 
> If you ever:
> 
> Flirt with a fat chick and then dog her to your friends
> Sleep with a fat chick, and refuse to be seen in public with her
> Tell a fat chick "well, c'mon - you understand - I can't very well show you to my friends"
> Date a thin girl even though you don't want her and aren't attracted to her
> Chime in with your fatbashing idiot friends when they attack a fat girl who walks by
> Ever deny that you liked/dated/slept with that fat girl
> Other associated assholery
> 
> ...then you SUCK. You're a loser, and a dick. You immediately flipped from being a boy-trying-to-adjust to a complete and total ASSHOLE who is spreading the infection of cowardice, fear and shame not only among other males who will become douchebags like you, but, more importantly, to young fat girls who already have a tough and very public life to navigate. If you do any of this, then you deserve to be hunted down by a pack of angry fat women and publically berated you until you piss yourself.
> 
> Everything stays nice and supportive as long as you don't. cross. the. line.



Another thing to add to this list is

* If you can only talk about how hot fat girls are when you are drunk you suck.


----------



## LalaCity

vardon_grip said:


> When Pierce met and fell in love with Keely, she was thin. After their marriage and two children, she gained weight. This doesn't necessarily mean that Pierce likes big women. He may just love Keely with all his heart. Maybe he knows that cool, sexy, smart, funny, caring and loving doesn't have any type of weight limit or restriction.



Yeah, he has said many times that he adores his wife's curves and every time the paparazzi snap them on vacation they're rolling around in each other's arms like a couple of hormonal teenagers. Gotta love a guy who's crazy about his wife, whatever her size. 





Haunted said:


> You Know who's Cool...



I'm just gonna go 'head and add myself to that there list. 

(Mama knows she's teh cool )


----------



## olwen

Poncedeleon said:


> Not to defend closeted FAs, but has anyone else noticed that closeted FFAs are given way more slack? When an FA is secretive about his preference he is understandably chastised, but when FFAs mention that they're in the closet they get the usual "it's so difficult in this society blah blah blah" crap.



I've noticed that too, unless the FFA is talking about doing something so callous that it compels people to speak up. I've noticed sometimes the comments that seem like objectification, but then the bhms don't seem to call them on it, so I figure they either don't notice or don't mind and maybe there's a different dynamic when it comes to FFAs and BHMs than with FAs and BBWs. So I tend to not comment on that. Generally, tho the FFAs on here seem open to me.


----------



## LalaCity

Poncedeleon said:


> Not to defend closeted FAs, but has anyone else noticed that closeted FFAs are given way more slack? When an FA is secretive about his preference he is understandably chastised, but when FFAs mention that they're in the closet they get the usual "it's so difficult in this society blah blah blah" crap.



Really?

Maybe I'm missing something, but I read the BHM/FFA board regularly and it seems to me like all those ladies are out and proud. I can't remember seeing any "in the closet" threads there (not saying there haven't been, but I personally haven't seen 'em). Maybe it's easier for women to express that preference without feeling ostracized...


----------



## MissToodles

Actually capitalizing every first letter in a word is a technique taught to dyslexics and not some just odd use of leet speak. At least this is what I learned in one of my education classes several years ago. Okay, now back to eviscerating closet fa's!


----------



## olwen

Mer, you know what bothers me about letting teens get a pass to mess up? They have to interact with fat people in order to find themselves so it means that for every fat person they experiment with that's one fat person who gets affected. I think somebody said it already but when you're a fat teen you need to find yourself too. It doesn't help to find yourself in a situation where you realized you've just been used by a closeted jerk. It can set you back - in terms of self acceptance - even further than the confused FA. 





...I think Dave Chapell has this joke about how old 15 actually is. Like if a 15 year old is not old enough to make sexual decisions but is old enough to be tried as an adult for certain crimes and sent to jail...how old is 15 really?


----------



## Wild Zero

I tried being cool in college but found that having intercourse with my girlfriend on the regular was much cooler than hanging out with a bunch of dudes.


----------



## LillyBBBW

LalaCity said:


> Really?
> 
> Maybe I'm missing something, but I read the BHM/FFA board regularly and it seems to me like all those ladies are out and proud. I can't remember seeing any "in the closet" threads there (not saying there haven't been, but I personally haven't seen 'em). Maybe it's easier for women to express that preference without feeling ostracized...



I agree. I'm a regular on the BHM board too. I recall a closet FFA thread from some time ago -- very short thread -- and there ws one person who was in the closet I think. She didnt' have a full grasp of English, she was young and lived in a family of anti fat health fanatics. No more was heard from her unfortunately because she was underage and got banned. In general a woman will marry a man dressed in sackcloth with sickle for a hand if she falls head over heels. I see no fire here.


----------



## AnnMarie

I hate this ride...


----------



## itsfine

I personally could care less if someone is a closeted FA or not.

I don't feel left out if a closeted FA is afraid to admit his love for my big ass. His loss!

I would not sleep with a guy without going on a date (which a first date typically happens in public), because (typically) this doesn't lead to anything more than a one night stand, fulfilling some sort of 'need'.

and lets face it, if not considering pressures through friends, FAMILY does play a big part -- most people want to please their folks, especially when they are relying on their kindness through their college years (financially, emotionally, ect.). Does it make it right ? No. Do I care? Not really. I don't want to be part of a family who doesn't want me. My family is awesome! Why waste the holidays with people that don't like me because I'm fat (or a man who is to scared to his family that he likes me)?

The table turns when an FA uses and/or pokes fun at a big person. This goes for everyone, not just Fa's, who make fun of anybody(due to weight, height, race, social status, ect.). Nobody should stand for this, especially coming from your friends! Stand up for people! 




_Paraphrase: If an FA tells his friends he would never date me because I am fat, I don't care, because I actually would never date him because he is not worth my time._


----------



## GunnerFA

mergirl said:


> I doubt i will get many replies from actual 'closeted Fa's' though i thought i would put this post out there.
> I'm not sure i totally understand closeted Fa's and i know for a fact there will be more than a few reading this.
> 
> What is it that makes an Fa not want to talk about his/her preferences for fat people?
> Is it societal?
> Is it that your partners are not fat and you now feel you have to explore your sexuality?
> 
> I would love to hear from actual Fa's about this.
> Also Fat peeps.. have you had any experiences with 'closeted Fa's' and how did that make you feel?
> 
> I promise, if Closeted Fa's want to talk about their oppinions i wont berate anyone personally. I will say however that i am very of the oppinion that closeted Fa's should not be allowed anywhere near a fat person. Though i am sympathetic to fear responses in people and am aware of peer pressure especially in adolecence and can understand feelings of trepidation that people might be feeling. I never had these feelings personally but i can understand why they might happen..
> 
> So, to reitterate,
> Closeted Fa's, whats going on?
> Fat people..how do closeted Fa's make you feel/have made you feel?
> Everyone, what is your oppinion on Fa's who chose to remain in the closet?
> 
> xmer



Throughout my highschool years, I was completely closeted, for a few reasons. Firstly, even though I first started realising my preferences at age 11 or 12, I didn't come to fully accept it until just before I turned 16. In between that there were phases where I was totally obsessed and loved my FAism and others where I thought 'this isn't normal' and tried to just focus my attraction towards skinny girls. It was at some point during the latter phase where I just thought to myself 'I do find fat girls attractive and nothing is going to change that and I'm happy about that'.

Secondly, just about all my close friends do not find fat girls attractive at all so to let them know during our highschool years would have brought me an unecessary amount of crap right when I needed to focus on studies and getting into university. Some of you may believe that I'd be smart to be rid of people like this as friends, but honestly they are good people and its not that easy breaking friendships that have existed for over 5 or 10 years. These friends will find out about my preferences when I feel the time is right. I don't know about others but I find it 'slightly' awkward just blurting out 'hey guys did you know I like fat chicks?'

Since I've been at uni, I've started letting a few people know about my preference, as well as dropping hints to friends (eg: hooking up with chubby girls at nightclubs, telling people that I dont judge others because of their weight, etc). The ones I've told have all been accepting so far, with only a few having trouble grasping the concept that many guys do find fat women attractive. 

I never liked being closeted about my FAism, nor am I happy that I still am partly closeted. However, I believe in letting people know when I feel the time is right. That's how it's been so far and it has worked well, so I'm gonna stick with that method. Mergirl, I do not really agree with your view that closeted FAs should not be allowed anywhere near a fat person. You would find with me, that at any social event, I generally like talking with the big girls as much, if not more than with the skinny girls. A recent example would be at the NYE party I went to. Two girls I knew who had both put on a bit were talking about it to each other and I told them both I thought they looked great. Later that night (after a few drinks) I told another girl I knew from school (who had put on a good 50-60 pounds since I had last seen her) that I thought she had a very nice belly.

I do understand why many of the bbw/ssbbw on these boards resent (for lack of a better word) closeted FAs. Some may deserve this resentment, others not so much. I thought you summed things up pretty well in your original post Mergirl.

So there's my thoughts and experience on the matter. Now everyone tell me what you think so we may continue this healthy debate.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

AnnMarie said:


> I hate this ride...



Yeah I agree AnnMarie. I don't get how evescerating a young FA who has not come to terms with his sexuality *yet* helps anyone. Where's the support?? It takes longer for some people to come to terms with their sexuality, and seeing as he is 19, I would like to think we could cut him some slack.

How many young men and women unsure of their preference did this thread scare away?? I know some of you will say *so what*. Well, as someone who took a long time to come to terms with my own bisexuality because people around me thought it was wrong or gross what is happening in this thread makes me sick. I feel all the disgust I had to deal with as a bisexual woman not allowed to live my life the way I wanted because it took me a while to find my footing and my self esteem.


----------



## Mathias

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Yeah I agree AnnMarie. I don't get how evescerating a young FA who has not come to terms with his sexuality *yet* helps anyone. Where's the support?? It takes longer for some people to come to terms with their sexuality, and seeing as he is 19, I would like to think we could cut him some slack.
> 
> How many young men and women unsure of their preference did this thread scare away?? I know some of you will say *so what*. Well, as someone who took a long time to come to terms with my own bisexuality because people around me thought it was wrong or gross what is happening in this thread makes me sick. I feel all the disgust I had to deal with as a bisexual woman not allowed to live my life the way I wanted because it took me a while to find my footing and my self esteem.



Rep. Very good points.


----------



## Wild Zero

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Yeah I agree AnnMarie. I don't get how evescerating a young FA who has not come to terms with his sexuality *yet* helps anyone. Where's the support?? It takes longer for some people to come to terms with their sexuality, and seeing as he is 19, I would like to think we could cut him some slack.



Fuck him. For someone so image conscious ("wahhh, I won't date fat girls because it's not 'cool'") he sure is socially retarded. 

I'm all for finding your sexuality comfort zone and being "in the closet" until you work things out in your head (although for the sake of women and men in your life; please, please don't date and string anyone along). But, if you're going to be a complete jackass and clown every BBW or FA on the boards because you're too much of a child to tell anyone who doesn't respect your preference to get fucked you should expect all the flak in the world.


----------



## elle camino

being a teenager isn't a mental handicap - it's completely possible to think and act for yourself at a young age. it's no excuse. 

that said, in a way i really don't mind closet FAs. here's my logic:
dude likes fatties but is afraid of his 'cool' friends knowing because then he won't be considered 'cool' as well, which means his 'cool' friends are actually douchebags and not cool in the least (my money's on future/present frat types), but he _thinks_ they're cool, which means he is probably just as big of a loser as they are.
so! no loss to the fatgirl community whatsoever. just one more douchebag we won't be boning. big whoop.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

You know what's funny about that? My husband who is unabashidly a fat girl lover was closeted for about 6 or 7 years in his late teens. 

People do grow up and live their lives for themselves. But you know, fuck 'em they're scum. 





Wild Zero said:


> Fuck him. For someone so image conscious ("wahhh, I won't date fat girls because it's not 'cool'") he sure is socially retarded.
> 
> I'm all for finding your sexuality comfort zone and being "in the closet" until you work things out in your head (although for the sake of women and men in your life; please, please don't date and string anyone along). But, if you're going to be a complete jackass and clown every BBW or FA on the boards because you're too much of a child to tell anyone who doesn't respect your preference to get fucked you should expect all the flak in the world.


----------



## olwen

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Yeah I agree AnnMarie. I don't get how evescerating a young FA who has not come to terms with his sexuality *yet* helps anyone. Where's the support?? It takes longer for some people to come to terms with their sexuality, and seeing as he is 19, I would like to think we could cut him some slack.
> 
> How many young men and women unsure of their preference did this thread scare away?? I know some of you will say *so what*. Well, as someone who took a long time to come to terms with my own bisexuality because people around me thought it was wrong or gross what is happening in this thread makes me sick. I feel all the disgust I had to deal with as a bisexual woman not allowed to live my life the way I wanted because it took me a while to find my footing and my self esteem.



An FA will never endure the kinds of violence and discrimination that a gay person might face. The two do not compare in that way. There's less reason for an FA to hide.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

Freestyle Fez said:


> I can relate to that. A girl once got upset with me when I told her I liked her at her size, because she was trying to lose weight at the time. She called me a dick and stopped talking to me for like a week :doh:
> 
> This is when I was much younger and people would act this, mind you.




I got a similar reaction from a girl I liked several years ago. I do not hide my preferences at all but I don't shout them out from rooftops, either.

It is a shame that we live in a society in which people feel pressured to have the right preferences. 

At the same time, I don't feel too sorry for the closeted people. I've dealt with women who were closeted about dating me because I am African-American and they didn't want their families and close associates to know. I will say that life is too short to deal with someone who does not want her or his friends to know about you. Life is too short to be someone else's dirty secret!


----------



## LalaCity

AnnMarie said:


> I hate this ride...



I have to say, I hate it, too. It's depressing to be reminded over and over again that fat women are considered so repulsive and undesirable by society that men have to hide in the closet over their attraction to us. As much as I love Dimensions I sometimes wish this whole topic of debate would just go away... 

I feel like telling you closeted guys, just get over it already. I'm tired of hearing about how terrifying it is for you to admit to the world that I'm a human being worth caring about. If I never read another thread about finding the courage to admit that you like me (or girls like me) it'll be too soon...



(And yeah -- I realize that I have the option of just bypassing these threads altogether...I'm thinking I probably will from now on, actually.)


----------



## AnnMarie

LalaCity said:


> I have to say, I hate it, too. It's depressing to be reminded over and over again that fat women are considered so repulsive and undesirable by society that men have to hide in the closet over their attraction to us. As much as I love Dimensions I sometimes wish this whole topic of debate would just go away...
> 
> I feel like telling those closeted guys, just get over it already. I'm tired of hearing about how terrifying it is for you to admit to the world that I'm a human being worth caring about. If I never read another thread about finding the courage to admit that you like me (or girls like me) it'll be too soon...
> 
> 
> 
> (And yeah -- I realize that I have the option of just bypassing these threads altogether...I'm thinking I probably will from now on, actually.)




Yeah, we hate for different reasons, but hate the ride just the same. It's just rehashed and there isn't much movement on either side. While I certainly understand why it still comes up, it's frustrating to no end to see the lack of understanding and tolerance in both directions.


----------



## Victim

olwen said:


> An FA will never endure the kinds of violence and discrimination that a gay person might face. The two do not compare in that way. There's less reason for an FA to hide.



All the more reason that closet FAs should come to terms with their sexuality before involving a prospective partner. It really isn't THAT 'tough' being an FA that you have to hide it and leave your partner out in the cold, who can't hide the fact they are a fatty and you are a spineless bastard that won't give her support because you're too embarrased to be seen with him/her. 

You really don't have it that bad. Grow a pair and be who you are.


Oh damn, and I told myself I wasn't going to jump in on this. Oh well...


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

olwen said:


> An FA will never endure the kinds of violence and discrimination that a gay person might face. The two do not compare in that way. There's less reason for an FA to hide.



I suppose you could argue that point. ButI know FA's who have been disowned by their families. Anyway, I'm not arguing that point. I'm asking was it really necessary for this thread to be 5 freakin' pages of ugly insults aimed at a young man who hasn't figured out YET that the only permission he needs is his own to date fat girls???


----------



## mossystate

AGAIN......support can be beautiful...not only for bras, but for people who are confused and scared about who they are and what they desire.

The PROBLEM is when those confused and scared people do not think it is at all bad to BE with someone and hide them away like a dirty little secret.


Is this really all that difficult to understand? I guess it is. :doh:



LOOK...but...do NOT touch.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Lots of women and men are "the dirty little secret" in a relationship. And most of them have nothing to do with being fat. Also, you can't be exploited unless you allow it. 

When fat women come out of the womb loving their bodies and celebrating their size - then I think we have a right to rip off the balls of closeted FA's.





mossystate said:


> AGAIN......support can be beautiful...not only for bras, but for people who are confused and scared about who they are and what they desire.
> 
> The PROBLEM is when those confused and scared people do not think it is at all bad to BE with someone and hide them away like a dirty little secret.
> 
> 
> Is this really all that difficult to understand? I guess it is. :doh:
> 
> 
> 
> LOOK...but...do NOT touch.


----------



## furious styles

Wild Zero said:


> I tried being cool in college but found that having intercourse with my girlfriend on the regular was much cooler than hanging out with a bunch of dudes.



I think Alan Koenig is a pretty cool guy. eh closet fa's and doesn't afraid of anything.


----------



## VolunteerMan

Okay, this is my absolute first post on this board, and its on a thread that sort of looks like a civilized flame war. But the subject matter is just too interesting to pass up, so toast the newbie if he warrants it. Im a big boy and can take it.

I would never classify myself as an FA. Im certainly not a closeted FA. Im just a guy who fell head over heels in love with a woman who would qualify as a SSBBW. I love all 73 inches and all <redacted> pounds of her. Ive dated in my <redacted> years on this planet, women ranging from 50 to 64, from under 100 pounds to <redacted> pounds. Can I really be all that unusual in seeing things that way? If you have your own eyes and your own brain, and havent sold them out to peer pressure or the media, the ideal of beauty is bound to take many forms, right? Jessica Biel and Jennifer Connelly are absolutely stunningly, mind numbingly beautiful to me. So are Lindsay Hollister and Lesley Boone. Jennifer Lopez has never tickled my fancy. Neither does Rikki Lake. Your eyes see what they see. Your body reacts to what it reacts to. 

I accept, however, there has to be a subset of males who are as physically biased against thinness as others seem to be against thickness. So what about them? The thread title wanted to divide them up into out or in a metaphorical closet. Reading the posts, however, its clear thats way too restrictive. There appears to be represented on this thread 4 distinct categories.

You have those who are way out of the closet. Those who are proud of their preference and want everybody to know it loud and clear. I suppose thats a natural backlash against a media/societal bias in favor of slender female body types. But viewed abstractly, its a little like shouting I like blondes! By God I love Blondes! If you dont like Blondes, then screw you! I love them!

You have those who are out of the closet but not militant about it. They date who they like, and they like BBWs. Thats cool. Its a perfectly normal place to be and really requires no further examination.

You have those who are in the closet because they are afraid of being seen outside the social norm. Thats certainly more common in adolescence and early adulthood, but in certain environments and occupations, I could see those pressures continuing much later in life. If youre part of a very closely knit group of males  a fire station house, a sports team, a fraternal order any place that perpetuates the insularity of school age social circles, there could still be a very significant social price to pay for deviating from the groups perceived norms. Some folks just aren't emotionally strong enough to take a stand. Sympathy for them? Anger at them? Blow them off? None of that matters because, in the end, it's their own life and their own happiness they're wasting.

Then you have those who are in the closet because they arent secure in themselves with their preference. They arent facing any blatant external pressures, but they are questioning why their feelings arent normal. Guys in this category are almost by definition going to be fairly insecure introverts. Theyre going to be uncomfortable socially, period. Their insecurity would manifest itself differently if they were interested in/going with women of a more idealized body type, but it would still be there. They might be clingy with, overly jealous of, or obsequious to such a woman, but their basic insecurity will shine through. There seems to be an assumption that the guys hang up is going to be strictly related to his preference for larger women, and I believe thats a mistake.

Theres also a troubling reference to another type of FA, and thats really the one that prompted me to post. I put FA in quotes, because I dont believe such an individual would really qualify. There has been several posts about guys who would have intercourse with a woman, but not be willing to have any sort of actual relationship with them. Youre talking about a guy who would pick up a BBW strictly to get her in bed but otherwise have no attachment of any sort to the woman. Thats not an FA. Thats a predator. Hes looking for anyone who might be a little emotionally vulnerable  and lets face it, being a BBW in modern society is definitely tacking against the prevailing wind  and would just as surely try to take advantage of anyone who appears to be struggling with self esteem and self confidence for any reason. I submit you really should drop this type of individual from the discussion. He doesnt qualify as a FA.

Flame retardant suit is now on. Fire away.


----------



## olwen

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I suppose you could argue that point. ButI know FA's who have been disowned by their families. Anyway, I'm not arguing that point. I'm asking was it really necessary for this thread to be 5 freakin' pages of ugly insults aimed at a young man who hasn't figured out YET that the only permission he needs is his own to date fat girls???



What about fat people who's families treat them like shit? Then they get it from both ends. What about them? 

I think some of the responses in this thread have been quite tame considering the level of anger some of us might feel.

...Sigh. It would be great if this were a completely foreign concept, something we never had to go thru as teens or adults. It would be great if fat girls were aware of that behavior from the outset. Like all the fat girls should be pulled aside during sex ed and warned about closet FAs. The only reason these guys get to use women is cause we let them. As adults we should be completely unwilling to put up with it. If every fat girl said NO! would this even be an issue?


----------



## AnnMarie

VolunteerMan said:


> .. snipped
> Theres also a troubling reference to another type of FA, and thats really the one that prompted me to post. I put FA in quotes, because I dont believe such an individual would really qualify. There has been several posts about guys who would have intercourse with a woman, but not be willing to have any sort of actual relationship with them. Youre talking about a guy who would pick up a BBW strictly to get her in bed but otherwise have no attachment of any sort to the woman. * Thats not an FA. Thats a predator. * Hes looking for anyone who might be a little emotionally vulnerable  and lets face it, being a BBW in modern society is definitely tacking against the prevailing wind  and would just as surely try to take advantage of anyone who appears to be struggling with self esteem and self confidence for any reason. * I submit you really should drop this type of individual from the discussion. He doesnt qualify as a FA.*
> 
> Flame retardant suit is now on. Fire away.




Emphasis mine. 

Thank you. It's nice to finally not be the one typing those words.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

This thread is not about that. I was talking about FA's. Both sides take a lot of shit - that goes without saying but in this particular thread FA's are being attacked. (closeted FA's). If you want to talk about the abuse fat people encounter, that's another thread.

I never said fat people suffer less than FA's. Lets not put words in my mouth. 





olwen said:


> What about fat people who's families treat them like shit? Then they get it from both ends. What about them?
> 
> I think some of the responses in this thread have been quite tame considering the level of anger some of us might feel.
> 
> ...Sigh. It would be great if this were a completely foreign concept, something we never had to go thru as teens or adults. It would be great if fat girls were aware of that behavior from the outset. Like all the fat girls should be pulled aside during sex ed and warned about closet FAs. The only reason these guys get to use women is cause we let them. As adults we should be completely unwilling to put up with it. If every fat girl said NO! would this even be an issue?


----------



## olwen

VolunteerMan said:


> Okay, this is my absolute first post on this board, and its on a thread that sort of looks like a civilized flame war. But the subject matter is just too interesting to pass up, so toast the newbie if he warrants it. Im a big boy and can take it.
> 
> I would never classify myself as an FA. Im certainly not a closeted FA. Im just a guy who fell head over heels in love with a woman who would qualify as a SSBBW. I love all 73 inches and all <redacted> pounds of her. Ive dated in my <redacted> years on this planet, women ranging from 50 to 64, from under 100 pounds to <redacted> pounds. Can I really be all that unusual in seeing things that way? If you have your own eyes and your own brain, and havent sold them out to peer pressure or the media, the ideal of beauty is bound to take many forms, right? Jessica Biel and Jennifer Connelly are absolutely stunningly, mind numbingly beautiful to me. So are Lindsay Hollister and Lesley Boone. Jennifer Lopez has never tickled my fancy. Neither does Rikki Lake. Your eyes see what they see. Your body reacts to what it reacts to. ...<snipped>


 
:doh: "<redacted> pounds" WTF? :blink:


----------



## olwen

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> This thread is not about that. I was talking about FA's. Both sides take a lot of shit - that goes without saying but in this particular thread FA's are being attacked. (closeted FA's). If you want to talk about the abuse fat people encounter, that's another thread.
> 
> I never said fat people suffer less than FA's. Lets not put words in my mouth.



I'm talking about FAs too. My point is that if fat people have no choice but to suffer for being fat then FAs need to stfu and learn to deal, just like we do. We don't have a choice, so why should they?


----------



## mossystate

olwen said:


> :doh: "<redacted> pounds" WTF? :blink:



Yeah. Ummmmmm. Ok to note the 100 pound women. Well, he did beg to be ' flamed '. So, whoohooo...there is the big bad flame.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

I don't see what the surprise is. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD ALL RIP INTO THIS PERSON!!!

Would this be classified as uncool behavior? If so, why expect anything else from a bunch of fatty lovers/fatties.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

olwen said:


> I'm talking about FAs too. My point is that if fat people have no choice but to suffer for being fat then FAs need to stfu and learn to deal, just like we do. We don't have a choice, so why should they?



I am trying to understand your point but we all have a choice. Not in being fat or not - but in how you decide to live your life. I'm a SSBBW, I'm fat! no two ways about it. LOL Now I can hide or I can live my life my way. It's the same choice FA's have. They can hide or live their lives their way.

That's really the best way I can explain what I am trying to say. We don't have to agree.


----------



## olwen

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I am trying to understand your point but we all have a choice. Not in being fat or not - but in how you decide to live your life. I'm a SSBBW, I'm fat! no two ways about it. LOL Now I can hide or I can live my life my way. It's the same choice FA's have. They can hide or live their lives their way.
> 
> That's really the best way I can explain what I am trying to say. We don't have to agree.



I understand what you are saying I think: Live and let live. That's fine as long as they live far far away from fat people till they grow some balls and straighten themselves out.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

olwen said:


> I understand what you are saying I think: Live and let live. That's fine as long as they live far far away from fat people till they grow some balls and straighten themselves out.




Not really.  I'm just saying (in a nutshell) fat women and FA's have an uneasy relationship. I think both sides need to cut the other some slack. Would I date a closeted FA? Nooo-oooo. I'm way too comfortable with myself to be with anyone who isn't as comfy with their preference. I hope that eventually all FA's will be OUT, but I'm not holding my breath. The ones that are too weak can stay in the closet for all I care. But not ALL closeted FA's (especially young ones) are lost causes. 

I hope that is a better explanation. Believe me I understand the anger, I've been there, but sooner or later I think it stops being so important. The closeted FA's will either figure it out - or not - nothing anyone can say will change that.


----------



## MisticalMisty

BothGunsBlazing said:


> If you're an adolescent? Alright, so, you're probably confused about a lot of things. If you're able to post a response to this thread that would indicate that you're 18yrs old or more which would also tell me that you're done being an adolescent, therefore, no excuses.
> 
> If you're going to be in the closet, that's fine, just please keep your mouth shut and don't drag anyone down with you due to your cowardice because no one deserves to feel like some one is ASHAMED of them.



Actually, adolescence ends at around 28. Most people spend their teens and twenties confused, finding themselves, etc.

I'm not saying it's the right thing to do..I think I've been VERY vocal about that..but it's not fair to say that once you turn 18 you're supposed to know all the answers about who you are..etc.


----------



## olwen

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Not really.  I'm just saying (in a nutshell) fat women and FA's have an uneasy relationship. I think both sides need to cut the other some slack. Would I date a closeted FA? Nooo-oooo. I'm way too comfortable with myself to be with anyone who isn't as comfy with their preference. I hope that eventually all FA's will be OUT, but I'm not holding my breath. The ones that are too weak can stay in the closet for all I care. But not ALL closeted FA's (especially young ones) are lost causes.
> 
> I hope that is a better explanation. Believe me I understand the anger, I've been there, but sooner or later I think it stops being so important. The closeted FA's will either figure it out - or not - nothing anyone can say will change that.



Oooh okay. I guess you are right about that. Not all of them are. It just absurd to me that any of them would be in there in the first place.


----------



## Phat Phoebe

VolunteerMan said:


> Okay, this is my absolute first post on this board, and its on a thread that sort of looks like a civilized flame war. But the subject matter is just too interesting to pass up, so toast the newbie if he warrants it. Im a big boy and can take it.
> 
> I would never classify myself as an FA. Im certainly not a closeted FA. Im just a guy who fell head over heels in love with a woman who would qualify as a SSBBW. I love all 73 inches and all <redacted> pounds of her. Ive dated in my <redacted> years on this planet, women ranging from 50 to 64, from under 100 pounds to <redacted> pounds. Can I really be all that unusual in seeing things that way? If you have your own eyes and your own brain, and havent sold them out to peer pressure or the media, the ideal of beauty is bound to take many forms, right? Jessica Biel and Jennifer Connelly are absolutely stunningly, mind numbingly beautiful to me. So are Lindsay Hollister and Lesley Boone. Jennifer Lopez has never tickled my fancy. Neither does Rikki Lake. Your eyes see what they see. Your body reacts to what it reacts to.
> 
> I accept, however, there has to be a subset of males who are as physically biased against thinness as others seem to be against thickness. So what about them? The thread title wanted to divide them up into out or in a metaphorical closet. Reading the posts, however, its clear thats way too restrictive. There appears to be represented on this thread 4 distinct categories.
> 
> You have those who are way out of the closet. Those who are proud of their preference and want everybody to know it loud and clear. I suppose thats a natural backlash against a media/societal bias in favor of slender female body types. But viewed abstractly, its a little like shouting I like blondes! By God I love Blondes! If you dont like Blondes, then screw you! I love them!
> 
> You have those who are out of the closet but not militant about it. They date who they like, and they like BBWs. Thats cool. Its a perfectly normal place to be and really requires no further examination.
> 
> You have those who are in the closet because they are afraid of being seen outside the social norm. Thats certainly more common in adolescence and early adulthood, but in certain environments and occupations, I could see those pressures continuing much later in life. If youre part of a very closely knit group of males  a fire station house, a sports team, a fraternal order any place that perpetuates the insularity of school age social circles, there could still be a very significant social price to pay for deviating from the groups perceived norms. Some folks just aren't emotionally strong enough to take a stand. Sympathy for them? Anger at them? Blow them off? None of that matters because, in the end, it's their own life and their own happiness they're wasting.
> 
> Then you have those who are in the closet because they arent secure in themselves with their preference. They arent facing any blatant external pressures, but they are questioning why their feelings arent normal. Guys in this category are almost by definition going to be fairly insecure introverts. Theyre going to be uncomfortable socially, period. Their insecurity would manifest itself differently if they were interested in/going with women of a more idealized body type, but it would still be there. They might be clingy with, overly jealous of, or obsequious to such a woman, but their basic insecurity will shine through. There seems to be an assumption that the guys hang up is going to be strictly related to his preference for larger women, and I believe thats a mistake.
> 
> Theres also a troubling reference to another type of FA, and thats really the one that prompted me to post. I put FA in quotes, because I dont believe such an individual would really qualify. There has been several posts about guys who would have intercourse with a woman, but not be willing to have any sort of actual relationship with them. Youre talking about a guy who would pick up a BBW strictly to get her in bed but otherwise have no attachment of any sort to the woman. Thats not an FA. Thats a predator. Hes looking for anyone who might be a little emotionally vulnerable  and lets face it, being a BBW in modern society is definitely tacking against the prevailing wind  and would just as surely try to take advantage of anyone who appears to be struggling with self esteem and self confidence for any reason. I submit you really should drop this type of individual from the discussion. He doesnt qualify as a FA.
> 
> Flame retardant suit is now on. Fire away.




Good first post. Makes a lot of sense.

However.... Newbies must have a new button I've never seen before....the REDACTED BUTTON....WTF???


----------



## LillyBBBW

VolunteerMan said:


> Okay, this is my absolute first post on this board, and it’s on a thread that sort of looks like a civilized flame war. But the subject matter is just too interesting to pass up, so toast the newbie if he warrants it. I’m a big boy and can take it.
> 
> I would never classify myself as an FA. I’m certainly not a closeted FA. I’m just a guy who fell head over heels in love with a woman who would qualify as a SSBBW. I love all 73 inches and all <redacted> pounds of her. I’ve dated in my <redacted> years on this planet, women ranging from 5’0 to 6’4”, from under 100 pounds to <redacted> pounds. Can I really be all that unusual in seeing things that way? If you have your own eyes and your own brain, and haven’t sold them out to peer pressure or the media, the ideal of beauty is bound to take many forms, right? Jessica Biel and Jennifer Connelly are absolutely stunningly, mind numbingly beautiful to me. So are Lindsay Hollister and Lesley Boone. Jennifer Lopez has never tickled my fancy. Neither does Rikki Lake. Your eyes see what they see. Your body reacts to what it reacts to.
> 
> I accept, however, there has to be a subset of males who are as physically biased against thinness as others seem to be against thickness. So what about them? The thread title wanted to divide them up into “out” or “in” a metaphorical closet. Reading the posts, however, it’s clear that’s way too restrictive. There appears to be represented on this thread 4 distinct categories.
> 
> You have those who are way out of the closet. Those who are proud of their preference and want everybody to know it loud and clear. I suppose that’s a natural backlash against a media/societal bias in favor of slender female body types. But viewed abstractly, it’s a little like shouting “I like blondes! By God I love Blondes! If you don’t like Blondes, then screw you! I love them!”
> 
> You have those who are out of the closet but not militant about it. They date who they like, and they like BBW’s. That’s cool. It’s a perfectly normal place to be and really requires no further examination.



I find it interesting that these red herring sub categories always seem to come up anytime somebody starts talking about 'out' fa's. All the fa's on here get nervous thinking that they are being pushed to wear rainbow Tshirts with crude pictures of the Venus of Wilendorf on them to company picnics. There is no need for this kind of panic every time the subject comes up. Closet means you either wont date a fat girl ever though you desire them or if you do you work overtime to keep her a secret from friends and family. It's similar to an out gay or bi person. They don't have to be a button wearer to be out though some choose to be. I don't think a single person has ever suggested that anyone should go to such extremes to prove their love or acceptance of fat. 



VolunteerMan said:


> You have those who are in the closet because they are afraid of being seen outside the social norm. That’s certainly more common in adolescence and early adulthood, but in certain environments and occupations, I could see those pressures continuing much later in life. If you’re part of a very closely knit group of males &#8211; a fire station house, a sports team, a fraternal order… any place that perpetuates the insularity of school age social circles, there could still be a very significant social price to pay for deviating from the group’s perceived norms. Some folks just aren't emotionally strong enough to take a stand. Sympathy for them? Anger at them? Blow them off? None of that matters because, in the end, it's their own life and their own happiness they're wasting.
> 
> Then you have those who are in the closet because they aren’t secure in themselves with their preference. They aren’t facing any blatant external pressures, but they are questioning why their feelings aren’t “normal.” Guys in this category are almost by definition going to be fairly insecure introverts. They’re going to be uncomfortable socially, period. Their insecurity would manifest itself differently if they were interested in/going with women of a more idealized body type, but it would still be there. They might be clingy with, overly jealous of, or obsequious to such a woman, but their basic insecurity will shine through. There seems to be an assumption that the guy’s hang up is going to be strictly related to his preference for larger women, and I believe that’s a mistake.



This is true. I've known men who won't date their plain jane love interest because they want to have some model type trophy girlfriend to parade around in front of friends and collegues. Scumbaggery isn't exclusive to just FA's which brings me to my next point.




VolunteerMan said:


> There’s also a troubling reference to another type of “FA,” and that’s really the one that prompted me to post. I put “FA” in quotes, because I don’t believe such an individual would really qualify. There has been several posts about guys who would have intercourse with a woman, but not be willing to have any sort of actual relationship with them. You’re talking about a guy who would “pick up” a BBW strictly to get her in bed but otherwise have no attachment of any sort to the woman. That’s not an FA. That’s a predator. He’s looking for anyone who might be a little emotionally vulnerable &#8211; and let’s face it, being a BBW in modern society is definitely tacking against the prevailing wind &#8211; and would just as surely try to take advantage of anyone who appears to be struggling with self esteem and self confidence for any reason. I submit you really should drop this type of individual from the discussion. He doesn’t qualify as a FA.
> 
> Flame retardant suit is now on. Fire away.



I agree. A lot of this bad behavior being discussed is merely indicative of the type of bad behavior everybody is trying to avoid. Women everywhere resolve themselves not to give the time of day to scumbags and predators. One comes along who happens to be an FA and people think, "OMGTHFASISGONNAGITMEHALP!" If a man gets up in your face and starts clawing and pawing at you tell him to bug off. It's not an FA phenomenon, the same rules apply for us fatties as they do for everybody else. Stay away from these creeps.

I've said this before. The fact that somebody is an FA is not indicative of some upward thinking kind of guy with benevolent enlightenment to aspire beyond the common man. He has no control or choice in the matter, the decision is made soley by Mr. Johnson. He can be just as much of a scumbag as the guy who cheated on Christy Brinkley with the baby sitter. He's not an FA, he's a scumbag who happens to be an FA. If he weren't doing this to you he'd be doing it to Kiera Knightly. It's an old story which is why the sympathy runs a little thin, pardon the pun.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Poncedeleon said:


> Not to defend closeted FAs, but has anyone else noticed that closeted FFAs are given way more slack? When an FA is secretive about his preference he is understandably chastised, but when FFAs mention that they're in the closet they get the usual "it's so difficult in this society blah blah blah" crap.




Hello double standard. Look at all the BHM's on tv that have had skinny wives. It's almost a comedic gold mine of sorts.

Starting with the honeymooners and more recently King of Queens, According to Jim, and Still Standing.

It's socially acceptable for a thin woman to be with a fat man. It's more socially acceptable for a man to be of size than a woman.

It's by no means fair, just or..well..right..but society sucks monkey balls 90% of the time.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

I can't believe how judgemental some of you people are being in this thread.

I've told my story here before, but I'll repeat it for the benefit of the newbies. I first realized that I preferred chubby/fat girls when I was in Fourth Grade and the year was 1962. But since I was only ten and a few years from the point when kids start forming couples, I didn't act on it.

In Fifth Grade, I befriended one of the larger girls in the school. And I got a lot of grief from my family when my foster brother (who was in the same school as me) told them how I had been seen holding hands with a fat girl.

The next year, this girl and I were in the same class. And when the other kids in the class realized that we liked each other, all hell broke loose. You see, I was the skinniest boy in the class with bright red "Howdy Doody" hair, and we were subjected to all kids of ridicule and scorn. Eventually, it tore us apart, although we remained friends until she moved away a few years later.

After that experience, I became a closeted FA. All through junior high and high school, I hid my preference because I wanted to fit in. I had fat girls as friends, but the one girl I dated through high school was average weight. When you're a teenager, it's very easy to give in to peer pressure - and that's what happened to me.

It wasn't until 1972 when I was 19 years old that decided that my happiness was more important than what other people thought. And believe me - it was not an easy decision to make. I was going counter to what my family and friends thought. But I had reached a point in my life where the opinions of others didn't mean as much as they had when I was younger.

Reading through this thread, I see where the term "closeted FA" has been applied to two different types of men - those who do not live their preference at all, and those who only live it when and where no one else can see. I consider the former to be "closeted", and the latter to be "users" - men who will use fat women to satisfy themselves and not consider how their actions affect the woman.

And I've seen quite a few nasty things said to some young men who are still coming to grips with their preference. Life is a process of discovery - each of us progresses at their own pace. Some FAs embrace their preference at a young age - others don't come to grips with it until their mid-20s. And some BBWs start dating as teens, while others enter middle age without ever being out on a date.

We need to stop judging each other, and start accepting each other for the unique individuals that we are.


----------



## Tina

Wayne, I hear you. But some of us fat women, and especially, I think, SSBBW, have lost patience. We have been alive long enough to not have boatloads of compassion for someone who is ashamed to be seen with us. They can pass and pretend they're not FAs, but us fat women just are who we are and cannot hide our fat, even if some wanted to. 

Were I to be single, there is no way on Earth I would date a closeted FA. If the guy doesn't have it together enough to know who he is and be comfortable with himself, I'm not interested anyway. Even a non-FA would have to be pretty evolved to convince me. As far as I'm concerned, FA or the highway. Them's the breaks.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> I can't believe how judgemental some of you people are being in this thread.
> 
> I've told my story here before, but I'll repeat it for the benefit of the newbies. I first realized that I preferred chubby/fat girls when I was in Fourth Grade and the year was 1962. But since I was only ten and a few years from the point when kids start forming couples, I didn't act on it.
> 
> In Fifth Grade, I befriended one of the larger girls in the school. And I got a lot of grief from my family when my foster brother (who was in the same school as me) told them how I had been seen holding hands with a fat girl.
> 
> The next year, this girl and I were in the same class. And when the other kids in the class realized that we liked each other, all hell broke loose. You see, I was the skinniest boy in the class with bright red "Howdy Doody" hair, and we were subjected to all kids of ridicule and scorn. Eventually, it tore us apart, although we remained friends until she moved away a few years later.
> 
> After that experience, I became a closeted FA. All through junior high and high school, I hid my preference because I wanted to fit in. I had fat girls as friends, but the one girl I dated through high school was average weight. When you're a teenager, it's very easy to give in to peer pressure - and that's what happened to me.
> 
> It wasn't until 1972 when I was 19 years old that decided that my happiness was more important than what other people thought. And believe me - it was not an easy decision to make. I was going counter to what my family and friends thought. But I had reached a point in my life where the opinions of others didn't mean as much as they had when I was younger.
> 
> Reading through this thread, I see where the term "closeted FA" has been applied to two different types of men - those who do not live their preference at all, and those who only live it when and where no one else can see. I consider the former to be "closeted", and the latter to be "users" - men who will use fat women to satisfy themselves and not consider how their actions affect the woman.
> 
> And I've seen quite a few nasty things said to some young men who are still coming to grips with their preference. Life is a process of discovery - each of us progresses at their own pace. Some FAs embrace their preference at a young age - others don't come to grips with it until their mid-20s. And some BBWs start dating as teens, while others enter middle age without ever being out on a date.
> 
> We need to stop judging each other, and start accepting each other for the unique individuals that we are.



My realization came a year before yours Wayne. I had an inkling of things to come at 2 when my grandfather dubbed me "chunky" as a nickname. It really took hold though in 1971 when I got a foot up my ass in the playground at 5 years old by some runny nosed bully who called me fattie. It was then that I decided to start kicking people's ass and living a life emancipated. By the time I was 19 I was way over it and didn't have time to hold some dude's hand while he tried to cope. I told him like I told that snot nosed bully in the park. You want sympathy look it up in the dictionary. I have more important things to handle on my own without carrying some of yours on my shoulders.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

olwen said:


> Mer, you know what bothers me about letting teens get a pass to mess up? *They have to interact with fat people in order to find themselves so it means that for every fat person they experiment with that's one fat person who gets affected. ** I think somebody said it already but when you're a fat teen you need to find yourself too. It doesn't help to find yourself in a situation where you realized you've just been used by a closeted jerk. It can set you back - in terms of self acceptance - even further than the confused FA. *



Excellent point...... :bow:



CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I got a similar reaction from a girl I liked several years ago. I do not hide my preferences at all but I don't shout them out from rooftops, either.
> 
> It is a shame that we live in a society in which people feel pressured to have the right preferences.
> 
> At the same time, I don't feel too sorry for the closeted people. I've dealt with women who were closeted about dating me because I am African-American and they didn't want their families and close associates to know. I will say that life is too short to deal with someone who does not want her or his friends to know about you. Life is too short to be someone else's dirty secret!



Thank you Emory :bow:


----------



## Tooz

LillyBBBW said:


> My realization came a year before yours Wayne. I had an inkling of things to come at 2 when my grandfather dubbed me "chunky" as a nickname. It really took hold though in 1971 when I got a foot up my ass in the playground at 5 years old by some runny nosed bully who called me fattie. It was then that I decided to start kicking people's ass and living a life emancipated. By the time I was 19 I was way over it and didn't have time to hold some dude's hand while he tried to cope. I told him like I told that snot nosed bully in the park. You want sympathy look it up in the dictionary. I have more important things to handle on my own without carrying some of yours on my shoulders.



Hell fucking yes.


----------



## mossystate

LillyBBBW said:


> My realization came a year before yours Wayne. I had an inkling of things to come at 2 when my grandfather dubbed me "chunky" as a nickname. It really took hold though in 1971 when I got a foot up my ass in the playground at 5 years old by some runny nosed bully who called me fattie. It was then that I decided to start kicking people's ass and living a life emancipated. By the time I was 19 I was way over it and didn't have time to hold some dude's hand while he tried to cope. I told him like I told that snot nosed bully in the park. You want sympathy look it up in the dictionary. I have more important things to handle on my own without carrying some of yours on my shoulders.



Fuck fucking fuckety fuck fuck yes.


----------



## MamaLisa

Ive been with 3 FA's and they were all in the closet for different reasons..

1. its obvious he didnt want anyone to know on his side that we were seeing each other.. in front of my friends he was fine.. no touching or kissing in public... didnt worry me ... he is the one with the issue so i was like.. blah 2 much of a head f>@K

2. told me that his mates constantly bag fat chicks and he sometimes goes along with it not to be ridiculed and cop it from his close mates... sad 
 
(got rid of those 2 in a hurry lol):doh:

3. he is in the closet to his family because they are quite judgemental it seems but is happy to show public displays of affection which is cool.. :kiss2: :smitten:

i dont judge FA's that are in the closet.. its something they have to work out.. eg: number 3 doesnt effect me in any way so i have no issue with him being a closet case.. but as stated.. the first 2 had to go.. i thought i had baggage hahahahahhah no comparison!


----------



## stan_der_man

I've joined in on many discussions of this subject over the years... Here is the jist of my past responses...


Come on all you FAs... get out of the closet... it's nice out here hangin' with the fat chicks. Just do it.


Thank you for your time.


----------



## Haunted

Most of the flaming wasn't so much directed at allen Koenig, but the what he came to represent with one incredibly poor choice of words.

i understand why some hide their preference from their friends. I wasn't completely comfortable with it till i was about 28, now i was a late bloomer i never gave it any thought as a thin verse fat thing but as i got older i did finally realize that i was much more attracted to bigger woman. i didn't ever necessarily hide it, but i wasn't shouting it from the rooftops either.

I don't have a whole lot of compassion for the guys that don't go out in public with BBW's or ones that have to date 40 miles from home. It's not worth hiding, why make the one you love feel shunned, you need to celebrate that you found someone that makes you happy and makes you smile with just a look. someone that makes everything better with just a phone call. someone that understands you and that you understand. someone that you don't have to hide or hide from!!!

There are predators and there are idiots and there are confused boys. this doesn't always have to turn into a "oh those poor confused FA's" 

At the end of the day those people that give you shit about who you like are just as confused as you. Your on the right track, your accepting who you are, while they are still trying to figure who they are. 

Being deeply in love with One of the SSBBW's here. all i can really say is i have never felt more appreciated and loved, and have never felt so head over heals. i get frustrated trying to express my feelings because i just can't find the words. 

Does this have anything to do with Fat verse thin? Not one iota, but if i weren't an Fa i may have never found her !


----------



## Wild Zero

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> You know what's funny about that? My husband who is unabashidly a fat girl lover was closeted for about 6 or 7 years in his late teens.
> 
> People do grow up and live their lives for themselves. But you know, fuck 'em they're scum.





Wild Zero said:


> *I'm all for finding your sexuality comfort zone and being "in the closet" until you work things out in your head (although for the sake of women and men in your life; please, please don't date and string anyone along).* *But*, if you're going to be a complete jackass and clown every BBW or FA on the boards because you're too much of a child to tell anyone who doesn't respect your preference to get fucked you should expect all the flak in the world.



I've already got some words in my mouth, so I have to decline the ones you want to put in.


----------



## exile in thighville

alan_koenig said:


> i'm in "the closet" for a number of reasons:
> 1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. liking fat girls just isn't cool.
> 2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat admirer" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.



the punchline is, liking fat is in fact, cool. liking thin girls is cliche, unoriginal, mainstream...everything that cool isn't. i've actually been accused of flaunting my supposed fat admiration solely for the purpose of looking different.


----------



## VolunteerMan

mossystate said:


> Yeah. Ummmmmm. Ok to note the 100 pound women. Well, he did beg to be ' flamed '. So, whoohooo...there is the big bad flame.



Sorry, but my wife doesn't even tell ME her exact weight, and I'm not about to guess at it on a public board. Sorry it got taken that way.


----------



## exile in thighville

VolunteerMan said:


> Sorry, but my wife doesn't even tell ME her exact weight, and I'm not about to guess at it on a public board. Sorry it got taken that way.



you're 100% in the right, also i commend you for circumventing this identity politic bullshit. it's not about what you call yourself, it's what you do.


----------



## mossystate

VolunteerMan said:


> Sorry, but my wife doesn't even tell ME her exact weight, and I'm not about to guess at it on a public board. Sorry it got taken that way.



Cool. I guess the 100 pound women told you their weight. Ok.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

Tina said:


> Wayne, I hear you. But some of us fat women, and especially, I think, SSBBW, have lost patience. We have been alive long enough to not have boatloads of compassion for someone who is ashamed to be seen with us. They can pass and pretend they're not FAs, but us fat women just are who we are and cannot hide our fat, even if some wanted to.


 
I don't think it's a matter of being ashamed, Tina. Us FAs are told over and over again by society in general and the people around us that there's something "wrong" with our preference. It just takes a little longer for some guys to realize that society in general is full of shit.




Tina said:


> Were I to be single, there is no way on Earth I would date a closeted FA. If the guy doesn't have it together enough to know who he is and be comfortable with himself, I'm not interested anyway. Even a non-FA would have to be pretty evolved to convince me. As far as I'm concerned, FA or the highway. Them's the breaks.


 
If a guy is truly closeted, chances are he wouldn't ask you out in the first place. Part of the "coming out" process that an FA goes through is getting up the courage to even approach a BBW. It's all part of the "social dysfunction" that I've always maintained runs rampant in BBW/FA relationships, because of what we dealt with in high school. Most FAs didn't ask many girls out because they weren't attracted to thinner girls, and they were too afraid of rejection to ask a fat girl. And a lot the fat girls weren't asked out at all - by anybody.

I remember that once I decided to live my life as an FA, the biggest problem I had was finding BBWs to date. Back in 1970s New Jersey, very few BBWs went bar-hopping and they were hard to find. Nowadays (especially here in Texas), you see more BBWs on a daily basis. And thankfully, many of them have an FA by their side.


----------



## mediaboy

exile in thighville said:


> the punchline is, liking fat is in fact, cool. liking thin girls is cliche, unoriginal, mainstream...everything that cool isn't. i've actually been accused of flaunting my supposed fat admiration solely for the purpose of looking different.




Are we getting co opted?


----------



## olwen

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> I don't think it's a matter of being ashamed, Tina. our preference. It just takes a little longer for some guys to realize that society in general is full of shit.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> If a guy is truly closeted, chances are he wouldn't ask you out in the first place. Part of the "coming out" process that an FA goes through is getting up the courage to even approach a BBW. It's all part of the "social dysfunction" that I've always maintained runs rampant in BBW/FA relationships, because of what we dealt with in high school. Most FAs didn't ask many girls out because they weren't attracted to thinner girls, and they were too afraid of rejection to ask a fat girl. And a lot the fat girls weren't asked out at all - by anybody.
> 
> I remember that once I decided to live my life as an FA, the biggest problem I had was finding BBWs to date. Back in 1970s New Jersey, very few BBWs went bar-hopping and they were hard to find. Nowadays (especially here in Texas), you see more BBWs on a daily basis. And thankfully, many of them have an FA by their side.



Us Fatties are told over and over again by society in general and the people around us that there's something "wrong" with Us. So your excuse isn't going to fly. Neither is being socially inept. Everybody starts at dating from square one. Not knowing what to say shouldn't be an excuse to inaction.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

LillyBBBW said:


> My realization came a year before yours Wayne. I had an inkling of things to come at 2 when my grandfather dubbed me "chunky" as a nickname. It really took hold though in 1971 when I got a foot up my ass in the playground at 5 years old by some runny nosed bully who called me fattie. It was then that I decided to start kicking people's ass and living a life emancipated. By the time I was 19 I was way over it and didn't have time to hold some dude's hand while he tried to cope. I told him like I told that snot nosed bully in the park. You want sympathy look it up in the dictionary. I have more important things to handle on my own without carrying some of yours on my shoulders.


People progress through life at different paces, Lilly. Whereas you came to your realization early in life, others don't figure it out until much later. Looking back on my experiences, I'm sure things would have been much different for me if I hadn't gotten so much crap shoveled at me in Sixth Grade that it forced into the closed for six years. 

I think we all have to realize that we all bring different things to the table. If BBWs could consider what us FAs have dealt with (and vice versa), threads like this wouldn't be necessary.


----------



## Tooz

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> If BBWs could consider what us FAs have dealt with



This got a snort out of me. Are you kidding? I don't know any FAs who have truly experienced hardship, let alone PHYSICAL VIOLENCE COMMITTED AGAINST THEM.

It's hard. Boo hoo. You have no idea, and I stand by this forever.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

olwen said:


> Us Fatties are told over and over again by society in general and the people around us that there's something "wrong" with Us. So your excuse isn't going to fly. Neither is being socially inept. Everybody starts at dating from square one. Not knowing what to say shouldn't be an excuse to inaction.


And if you go through life with a chip on your shoulder, nothing will get accomplished. No one is minimizing what you and other BBWs have dealt with. But you have to realize that us FAs also deal with stuff.

I'm trying to break a wall down herre, olwen - not make it higher.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

Tooz said:


> This got a snort out of me. Are you kidding? I don't know any FAs who have truly experienced hardship, let alone PHYSICAL VIOLENCE COMMITTED AGAINST THEM.
> 
> It's hard. Boo hoo. You have no idea, and I stand by this forever.


If you completly refuse to look at this from the other point of view, Tooz, you'll never understand. And BTW - I know of FAs who were beaten up because of their preference.


----------



## LalaCity

Ok -- I'm fine with FAs being extended some sympathy for having trouble coming out of the closet -- in turn, you guys are going to need to stop demanding that every fat girl be a perfectly confident, bubbly li'l dynamo without any self-esteem issues before you'll consent to date her. I'd say it's only fair...


----------



## Jon Blaze

exile in thighville said:


> you're 100% in the right, also i commend you for circumventing this identity politic bullshit. it's not about what you call yourself, it's what you do.



Agreed. That was a win sentence. Though I don't agree that the amount that you yell determines your opposition. Rarely have I insulted thin women ever, and this point: I never will again. Whether I'm a crosstrainer or not.


----------



## mossystate

LalaCity said:


> Ok -- I'm fine with FAs being extended some sympathy for having trouble coming out of the closet -- in turn, you guys are going to need to stop demanding that every fat girl be a perfectly confident, bubbly li'l dynamo without any self-esteem issues before you'll consent to date her. I'd say it's only fair...



Get out of my head!


----------



## olwen

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> And if you go through life with a chip on your shoulder, nothing will get accomplished. No one is minimizing what you and other BBWs have dealt with. But you have to realize that us FAs also deal with stuff.
> 
> I'm trying to break a wall down herre, olwen - not make it higher.



But you are minimizing when you say, hey, but don't you realize FAs suffer too. No, not really, they don't. They really don't. Surely this is something you realized after you decided to stop hiding. 

I just don't have the patience to deal with closet FA stuff. Any guy who shows any sign of being afraid to be seen with me in public will get my size 9 boot up his ass. If that lack of patience is what you'd call a wall so be it.


----------



## olwen

LalaCity said:


> Ok -- I'm fine with FAs being extended some sympathy for having trouble coming out of the closet -- in turn, you guys are going to need to stop demanding that every fat girl be a perfectly confident, bubbly li'l dynamo without any self-esteem issues before you'll consent to date her. I'd say it's only fair...



Sounds fair to me.


----------



## Santaclear

Sure, in my experience as an FA some ignorant clowns have snickered at me for loving fat women. Fuck them and fuck that. I am who I am. Being not "closeted" is part of adulthood.

:wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu:


----------



## Jon Blaze

LalaCity said:


> Ok -- I'm fine with FAs being extended some sympathy for having trouble coming out of the closet -- in turn, you guys are going to need to stop demanding that every fat girl be a perfectly confident, bubbly li'l dynamo without any self-esteem issues before you'll consent to date her. I'd say it's only fair...



I think that's fair regardless of status.


----------



## mediaboy

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> If you completly refuse to look at this from the other point of view, Tooz, you'll never understand. And BTW - I know of FAs who were beaten up because of their preference.



Been there, done that; by none other than my own brother.

People are shitty all over and mud slinging amongst the rank and file of the size acceptance community is a force that can fuck us all up.

The problem of self acceptance exists to some extent on both sides, I've dated plenty of BBWs whom hated themselves no matter how I stood up for them or how many times I told them and showed them I thought they were 
beautiful.


----------



## VolunteerMan

olwen said:


> Neither is being socially inept. Everybody starts at dating from square one. Not knowing what to say shouldn't be an excuse to inaction.



It's not? Not knowing what to say has probably stopped more guys from asking a woman out than anything else in the world. That's not an FA/BBW issue at all. That's just standard issue male/female dynamics 101. Whether the male is crushing on the skinniest or the heaviest or the tallest or the shortest or the most popular or the least popular female, the initial obstacles are exactly the same: fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, not knowing how to start the conversation, fear of making an ass of himself, etc.

Frankly, I'm not really reading much of anything so far that is uniquely FA/BBW aside from the argument over which has to put up with more shit. Well, no, not even that. Face it, women everywhere generally put up with more shit than men do regardless of size or shape. So there's nothing special about that either. Could this whole topic be an artificial construct?


----------



## troubadours

i know the feling. I'm a "CLOSET FAT" and i dont tell anyone im Fat be/c1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. being fat just isn't cool.
2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.


----------



## Tooz

VolunteerMan said:


> It's not? Not knowing what to say has probably stopped more guys from asking a woman out than anything else in the world. That's not an FA/BBW issue at all. That's just standard issue male/female dynamics 101. Whether the male is crushing on the skinniest or the heaviest or the tallest or the shortest or the most popular or the least popular female, the initial obstacles are exactly the same: fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, not knowing how to start the conversation, fear of making an ass of himself, etc.
> 
> Frankly, I'm not really reading much of anything so far that is uniquely FA/BBW aside from the argument over which has to put up with more shit. Well, no, not even that. Face it, women everywhere generally put up with more shit than men do regardless of size or shape. So there's nothing special about that either. Could this whole topic be an artificial construct?



are you fucking serious



troubadours said:


> i know the feling. I'm a "CLOSET FAT" and i dont tell anyone im Fat be/c1)i'm a college kid, at the end of the day (and i know this is incredibly sad) being "cool" is one of my chief concerns. being fat just isn't cool.
> 2)i'm just not ready to be judged as "fat" publicly. that day will come though, i just need to be more mature.



ok I love this.


----------



## olwen

VolunteerMan said:


> It's not? Not knowing what to say has probably stopped more guys from asking a woman out than anything else in the world. That's not an FA/BBW issue at all. That's just standard issue male/female dynamics 101. Whether the male is crushing on the skinniest or the heaviest or the tallest or the shortest or the most popular or the least popular female, the initial obstacles are exactly the same: fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, not knowing how to start the conversation, fear of making an ass of himself, etc.
> 
> Frankly, I'm not really reading much of anything so far that is uniquely FA/BBW aside from the argument over which has to put up with more shit. Well, no, not even that. Face it, women everywhere generally put up with more shit than men do regardless of size or shape. So there's nothing special about that either. Could this whole topic be an artificial construct?



I know that's not an FA/BBW issue. That's my point. Everybody has to deal with fear of rejection and ridicule so it shouldn't make a difference if the object of your affection is fat or not. You just bite the bullet and take the chance. 

And sure women everywhere put up with shit, but a thin woman won't have to deal with that special brand of hate that is reserved for fat women. 

This issue is not an artificial construct.


----------



## VolunteerMan

Tooz said:


> are you fucking serious



Okay, I'm listening. What is it I'm missing that makes the relationships between FA's and BBW's so different from that between men and women in general? One side is afraid of being rejected or ridiculed. One side is afraid of being played or used. Sounds like a pretty old song to me, but I can be dense. Enlighten me.


----------



## VolunteerMan

olwen said:


> And sure women everywhere put up with shit, but a thin woman won't have to deal with that special brand of hate that is reserved for fat women.
> 
> This issue is not an artificial construct.



Nope, that's not an artificial construct. But that's fat acceptance, not interpersonal FA/BBW relations. Ain't no way I'd try to argue that being a fat woman is no different from being skinny or tall or whatever. The only thing I can think of that even comes close is racism, but even that has been driven more underground than the overt shit fat women have to deal with.

But... once your down to talking about a guy who has a preference for larger women, everything is just boy/girl at that point - with all the same good and bad that exists everywhere for everyone else. Or else there's something that I'm just not seeing.


----------



## exile in thighville

Tooz said:


> This got a snort out of me. Are you kidding? I don't know any FAs who have truly experienced hardship, let alone PHYSICAL VIOLENCE COMMITTED AGAINST THEM.
> 
> It's hard. Boo hoo. You have no idea, and I stand by this forever.



this is getting shrill, were you beaten up for being fat tooz? i was beaten up for being a skinny fag with a triangle face and a piece of poop on my neck. stay clear of foot in mouth disease, everyone has hardships.


----------



## TotallyReal

I am a dragon. STay away from me or I will burn you with my fire....


----------



## jewels_mystery

Tooz said:


> Also, I forgot:
> 
> You know, to all you closeted FAs-- it's not like you have to tell people. All you have to do is walk proudly with your girl (or guy). Hold their hand. Be happy and comfortable with them while you are out and about. People will figure it out on their own without having you "come out."
> 
> And whoever said "all it takes is 'I like what I like"" when confronted has a good answer for the naysayers.



Amen. I totally agree with you.


----------



## kayrae

This. Over and over and over again. And to inifinity. Fuck! I am so sick of hearing this. Most women, if not all, have issues with their body.



LalaCity said:


> Ok -- I'm fine with FAs being extended some sympathy for having trouble coming out of the closet -- in turn, you guys are going to need to stop demanding that every fat girl be a perfectly confident, bubbly li'l dynamo without any self-esteem issues before you'll consent to date her. I'd say it's only fair...


----------



## Tina

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> I don't think it's a matter of being ashamed, Tina. Us FAs are told over and over again by society in general and the people around us that there's something "wrong" with our preference. It just takes a little longer for some guys to realize that society in general is full of shit.


 Wayne, I disagree. I believe it's all about shame, unless and until he says "fuck the world, including my family, _if need be_, if they cannot accept who I am." If he holds back from dating fat girls because "there's something wrong with" it, that's also called Being Ashamed.


> If a guy is truly closeted, chances are he wouldn't ask you out in the first place.


That wasn't my experience. He wanted to feel me up in private and be hands off in public. That was my first, and only, closeted FA, and it was a very hurtful, humiliating experience. I decided then: never, ever again. 


> I remember that once I decided to live my life as an FA, the biggest problem I had was finding BBWs to date. Back in 1970s New Jersey, very few BBWs went bar-hopping and they were hard to find. Nowadays (especially here in Texas), you see more BBWs on a daily basis. And thankfully, many of them have an FA by their side.


Wayne, back in the 70's there were almost no super-sized women anywhere. I was 270 lbs in high school and couldn't find anything but hideous bullet proof polyester, and I was the fattest girl in high school. One rarely saw anyone beyond somewhat plus-size in my neck of the woods. Sounds like there weren't any more fat girls where you were than where I was. I would have loved to know back then that there would be, one day, such a thing as guys preferring a fat female.


----------



## troubadours

TotallyReal said:


> I am a dragon. STay away from me or I will burn you with my fire....





:O.........


----------



## troubadours

Tooz said:


> are you fucking serious
> 
> 
> 
> ok I love this.



no kidding, i'm fucking hilarious


----------



## exile in thighville

O.-

>.<

:u


----------



## furious styles

exile in thighville said:


> O.-
> 
> >.<
> 
> :u



:V quack quack muthafucka


----------



## LillyBBBW

VolunteerMan said:


> Okay, I'm listening. What is it I'm missing that makes the relationships between FA's and BBW's so different from that between men and women in general? One side is afraid of being rejected or ridiculed. One side is afraid of being played or used. Sounds like a pretty old song to me, but I can be dense. Enlighten me.



Solomon's bones!  REDIRECT: One side is ashamed and embarassed about finding the other attractive. The other is sick and tired of being marginalized and used by anybody who feels so inclined and they're also tired of being told to accept it as their due. How 'bout this, that shit is UNACCEPTABLE. It's the whole fucking reason size acceptance exists in the first place. No deals. Size acceptance does not mean something else. The goals of size acceptance don't change instantly when there's a boner involved.


----------



## NancyGirl74

I hate these FA vs BBW threads. They just create angst but more than that FAs, try as they might, will never win the argument. Don't get me wrong, I do have sympathy for their plight. FAs do have to deal with a certain amount of difficulty. Sure it sucks living in a world that tells you the very thing you desire is disgusting....But a fat person has to live their life IN the body that the world finds disgusting. An FA (proud or not) doesn't have to go singing from the roof tops their love of fat rolls and big tummies. Even if he is dating a fat girl and gets digs from family and friends he doesn't really have to say anything more than "I like/love her. Get over it." Perhaps I'm simplifying but still, that he loves every jiggly inch of her body doesn't _need_ to be disclosed. On the other hand, a fat person sings their fatness from the roof top every time they try on clothes, hail a cab, climb some stairs, sit in a chair, or just leave their house. I'm very sorry but in the battle of "Who Has It Worse" the fat person will always win in my book. 

As for the closet cases...Stay there. It's nice and safe. Just don't go trying to drag some BBW in there with you making her your dirty little secret.


----------



## Tooz

exile in thighville said:


> this is getting shrill, were you beaten up for being fat tooz? i was beaten up for being a skinny fag with a triangle face and a piece of poop on my neck. stay clear of foot in mouth disease, everyone has hardships.



Sexually assaulted x2
Physically assaulted x2
More I don't feel like talking about.

So don't fucking tell me I'm getting shrill. End.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

NancyGirl74 .. everything you just said. 

Uhm, yes, true that, DOUBLE TRUE.

Just wanted to say - Being an FA is damn AWESOME and no amount of negativity or "downside" could ever measure up to the positives and I would gladly get my ass beat every day (cause you know how often we FAs are subjected to that lol) if it meant that I was allowed to continue to serve at the altar of the jiggle. <3 

So, FAs, stop bitching. Cause, y'know, what was that line again? Oh yeah.


----------



## indy500tchr

NancyGirl74 said:


> I hate these FA vs BBW threads. They just create angst but more than that FAs, try as they might, will never win the argument. Don't get me wrong, I do have sympathy for their plight. FAs do have to deal with a certain amount of difficulty. Sure it sucks living in a world that tells you the very thing you desire is disgusting....But a fat person has to live their life IN the body that the world finds disgusting. An FA (proud or not) doesn't have to go singing from the roof tops their love of fat rolls and big tummies. Even if he is dating a fat girl and gets digs from family and friends he doesn't really have to say anything more than "I like/love her. Get over it." Perhaps I'm simplifying but still, that he loves every jiggly inch of her body doesn't _need_ to be disclosed. On the other hand, a fat person sings their fatness from the roof top every time they try on clothes, hail a cab, climb some stairs, sit in a chair, or just leave their house. I'm very sorry but in the battle of "Who Has It Worse" the fat person will always win in my book.
> 
> As for the closet cases...Stay there. It's nice and safe. Just don't go trying to drag some BBW in there with you making her your dirty little secret.




DAMMIT I can't rep you...SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!

Nancy you are the bestest! You eloquence is amazing. I can hear every word of what you just said come out in that sweet voice of yours.


----------



## Tad

Tina said:


> Wayne, back in the 70's there were almost no super-sized women anywhere. I was 270 lbs in high school and couldn't find anything but hideous bullet proof polyester, and I was the fattest girl in high school. One rarely saw anyone beyond somewhat plus-size in my neck of the woods. Sounds like there weren't any more fat girls where you were than where I was. *I would have loved to know back then that there would be, one day, such a thing as guys preferring a fat female.*



(emphasis mine).

Yah, back in the day I would also have liked to know that there was such a thing as other guys preferring fat females. I certainly remember being in middle school and high school and assuming that I was the only person who felt that way. Which made talking about it seem pretty pointless, because obviously nobody was going to share my point of view. 

If I'd met a bigger girl that I wanted to date I like to think that I would have gone ahead and done so, but there were so few around that I didn't meet such a gal, and so I didn't date at all. I also didn't drool over the thin girls-- I'm pretty sure that some family and friends had concluded that I was gay, but nobody ever asked, so I never discussed it.

To me in short, there are shades of grey in this whole discussion. *shrug* if people want they can say that I was in the closet, but I certainly never viewed it that way. I was a nerd, talking about girls just wasnt something I did, and dating was not a top priority. 

I do absolutely agree, however, that if you want to bump privates with someone, you should also be willing to be seen with them in public. It should be a package deal, whatever your issues are.


----------



## Blockierer

NancyGirl74 said:


> I hate these FA vs BBW threads. They just create angst but more than that FAs, try as they might, will never win the argument. Don't get me wrong, I do have sympathy for their plight. FAs do have to deal with a certain amount of difficulty. Sure it sucks living in a world that tells you the very thing you desire is disgusting....But a fat person has to live their life IN the body that the world finds disgusting. An FA (proud or not) doesn't have to go singing from the roof tops their love of fat rolls and big tummies. Even if he is dating a fat girl and gets digs from family and friends he doesn't really have to say anything more than "I like/love her. Get over it." Perhaps I'm simplifying but still, that he loves every jiggly inch of her body doesn't _need_ to be disclosed. On the other hand, a fat person sings their fatness from the roof top every time they try on clothes, hail a cab, climb some stairs, sit in a chair, or just leave their house. I'm very sorry but in the battle of "Who Has It Worse" the fat person will always win in my book.
> 
> As for the closet cases...Stay there. It's nice and safe. Just don't go trying to drag some BBW in there with you making her your dirty little secret.



Everything is correct what you wrote. 
*Even if he is dating a fat girl and gets digs from family and friends he doesn't really have to say anything more than "I like/love her. *
How true. That is why FAs have no real problems with dating fat women. It's so easy.


----------



## mergirl

Sorry if i repeat stuff thats been said but i'm about 3 pages in and i have too much to say..so i will reply a bit and then hope that other people say the stuff i want to say at some point in the future.





edx said:


> Just curious about how others would define "in the closet." Given that not everyone talks to others about what attracts them, how does one demonstrate being in or out of the closet without such conversations?
> 
> Not looking so much for the obvious examples, as the 'closer to the line' ones, on either side of what you would call the line.
> 
> (various other thoughts snipped....maybe will bring them up later, depending on where this goes)


I dont know if this has been answered yet, but when i say 'closeted Fas' i mean those who basically would sleep with a fat person but would not be seen in a relationship with one. 
I am also talking about those who would never have the courage to actually be with a fat person even though that was their sexuality because they were a cowardy custard.
I'm not talking about people who have been married for years to say a big woman..perhaps they just recently found out that the preference they had, had a name..I dont think they have to shout out.."ok i'm an Fa now" when its obvious they always have been.. A rose by any other name...
Though, i think there will be a few guys married to big women here that find out about Fa and decide to post here without telling their wives..I wonder about the reasons they wouldnt tell them..
Anyway, i guess the only Fa's i was really talking about were the ones who deny themselves the oppertunity to be fully happy by not being honest about their preference to fat.



olwen said:


> Mer, you know what bothers me about letting teens get a pass to mess up? They have to interact with fat people in order to find themselves so it means that for every fat person they experiment with that's one fat person who gets affected. I think somebody said it already but when you're a fat teen you need to find yourself too. It doesn't help to find yourself in a situation where you realized you've just been used by a closeted jerk. It can set you back - in terms of self acceptance - even further than the confused FA.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...I think Dave Chapell has this joke about how old 15 actually is. Like if a 15 year old is not old enough to make sexual decisions but is old enough to be tried as an adult for certain crimes and sent to jail...how old is 15 really?



Totally Olwen, this is why myself and a couple of others said "have your adolecent confusions but while you do, stay away from fat people." In saying that i had my heart broken a few times by straight chicks when i was a teenager (couple of fat chicks too..bad fat chicks  ) i think its kinna character building somehow.. plus i got to write a shit load of bad riot grrrl songs about the experience! This would be totally different to someone who was actually gay, shagged me but was too ashamed of their sexuality to share me with the people they loved.. I dont hold any grudges where confused hormones are concerned..when its asshole adults i would hold knifeys!! grrr (not really..i am peaceful but i would be hella pissed off!!).
I know what your saying though, that a lot of teenagers are developed enough to know what they want and what they are doing. Apparrently psychologically, people are not adults until they are 25!! i wouldnt go that far..though.. i think basically after you are 16/17 your hormones are sorting themselves out and you are old enough to make informed decisions about your sexuality. 
There is actually a lot more i could say here though about repressed sexuality, and bi-fatuality etc.. but this is all confusing enough!! 
Anyway, i agree..the mantra is "Until your old enough to appreciate a fatty you dont get to play with any"!!


----------



## alan_koenig

hmmm, i didn't know honesty was looked down on here.


----------



## mergirl

AnnMarie said:


> I hate this ride...





Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Yeah I agree AnnMarie. I don't get how evescerating a young FA who has not come to terms with his sexuality *yet* helps anyone. Where's the support?? It takes longer for some people to come to terms with their sexuality, and seeing as he is 19, I would like to think we could cut him some slack.
> 
> How many young men and women unsure of their preference did this thread scare away?? I know some of you will say *so what*. Well, as someone who took a long time to come to terms with my own bisexuality because people around me thought it was wrong or gross what is happening in this thread makes me sick. I feel all the disgust I had to deal with as a bisexual woman not allowed to live my life the way I wanted because it took me a while to find my footing and my self esteem.




hmm, This really wasnt my intention when i started the thread. I wanted to discuss why people feel the need to be in the closet about being an Fa because its something i have a really hard time understanding. I made it clear that there is a real diffference between confusion about sexuality and just plain using people. It seems to be out Fa's and Fat people against Fa's that are not sure about their sexuality..which isnt cool. I think though the Fat people are angry at the experiences they have had at the hands of people 'experimenting' with their sexuality. In many cases these experiences have fucked them up, and actual Fa's they date will witness that knock to the confidence of their partner..which makes Fa's angry too. 
As to those that have been scared away.. Would it be ok for them to just fuck and leave someone on these boards because they didnt think it was cool to be with them? Maby, when the young Fa's who would do that at the moment grow up to respect Fat people then they will be made to feel more welcome. 
hmm Oh well, instead of learning about closeted Fa's i learned that out Fa's and Fat people hunt in packs!


----------



## Tooz

alan_koenig said:


> hmmm, i didn't know honesty was looked down on here.



It's not, but douchebaggery is.


----------



## mergirl

alan_koenig said:


> hmmm, i didn't know honesty was looked down on here.


Well, that depends. If someone were to come on here and say " i'm not attracted to fat chicks" They would be considered trollish and banned. I think it was the way you explained yourself...it didnt really come across well.. saying "dating fat chicks isnt cool". Maby thats the way society has made you feel but it really touched a raw nerve amongst fat people and out Fas who come up against that attitude sometimes. 
I have noticed a few Fa's who are now 'out' have said "when i was at college i was in the closet because..." they seem to have had a less reactive response from people because they have had the insite to learn from their experiences and understand that sexuality isnt something to be afraid of and infact is something you often have to fight for the freedom of expressing.
I think sexuality confusion can happen at any age. I know people who didnt 'come out' as being gay until they were in there 30's. The difference is they were actually confused.. not gay and pretending to the rest of the world they were not. 
To be honest i would have respect for you as long as you wait until you are in a position to be with a fat woman and be proud before you are actually with one. 
Its ok to be frightened. Its not ok to treat people with disrespect. 
Imagine how you would feel if you learned a girl at college wouldnt date you because to do so wouldnt be 'cool'. Imagine how that would make you feel and keep reminding yourself over and over again. Then you will understand why a lot of people are upset at what you said. 
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and i wish you luck and happieness when you do decide to come out.


----------



## mergirl

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> When fat women come out of the womb loving their bodies and celebrating their size - then I think we have a right to rip off the balls of closeted FA's.



Rememeber, "rip the clits off" closeted Fa's too!! Just trying to keep you PC and remembering the FFas too sandie!


----------



## VolunteerMan

LillyBBBW said:


> Solomon's bones!  REDIRECT: One side is ashamed and embarassed about finding the other attractive.



That's it. Got it. Told you I could be dense. Shame and embarrassment about his own feelings adds a different component to the discussion. I was seeing the internal FA angst as "why don't I like the same type of women I'm told I should?"... you know, confusion/uncertainty. Shame and embarrassment is a completely different viewpoint. Rather than dealing with someone who's just a little mixed up about things, you're dealing with someone who's actually ashamed that he likes you. That gets into something closer to a closet homosexual kind of dynamic, and probably for a lot of the same reasons (absent religious bias). The lightbulb over my head finally turned on. I get it. Thanks!


----------



## mergirl

LillyBBBW said:


> My realization came a year before yours Wayne. I had an inkling of things to come at 2 when my grandfather dubbed me "chunky" as a nickname. It really took hold though in 1971 when I got a foot up my ass in the playground at 5 years old by some runny nosed bully who called me fattie. It was then that I decided to start kicking people's ass and living a life emancipated. By the time I was 19 I was way over it and didn't have time to hold some dude's hand while he tried to cope. I told him like I told that snot nosed bully in the park. You want sympathy look it up in the dictionary. I have more important things to handle on my own without carrying some of yours on my shoulders.


erm, see the rep i just gave you for the post you wrote before this one..can you spread it to this too please?
I dont understand the Fa hardship thing..I know someone mentioned someones family threw them out cause they dated a fat chick but to be honest i think the family did them a favour cause having a family like that would be like living with the cast of "The hills have eyes". 
I have a LOT of horror stories about gay people comming out though, including one guy i knew who was kidnapped and taken back to his home country to be forced into an arranged marrage and told if he didnt he would be killed as an 'honour killing'. 
Ive never heard anything like that when people start dating people who have fat on their bones..
A bit of stick from wanker friends is vastly different from abandenment and even death.. i feel.


----------



## olwen

LillyBBBW said:


> Solomon's bones!  REDIRECT: One side is ashamed and embarassed about finding the other attractive. The other is sick and tired of being marginalized and used by anybody who feels so inclined and they're also tired of being told to accept it as their due. How 'bout this, that shit is UNACCEPTABLE. It's the whole fucking reason size acceptance exists in the first place. No deals. Size acceptance does not mean something else. The goals of size acceptance don't change instantly when there's a boner involved.





NancyGirl74 said:


> I hate these FA vs BBW threads. They just create angst but more than that FAs, try as they might, will never win the argument. Don't get me wrong, I do have sympathy for their plight. FAs do have to deal with a certain amount of difficulty. Sure it sucks living in a world that tells you the very thing you desire is disgusting....But a fat person has to live their life IN the body that the world finds disgusting. An FA (proud or not) doesn't have to go singing from the roof tops their love of fat rolls and big tummies. Even if he is dating a fat girl and gets digs from family and friends he doesn't really have to say anything more than "I like/love her. Get over it." Perhaps I'm simplifying but still, that he loves every jiggly inch of her body doesn't _need_ to be disclosed. On the other hand, a fat person sings their fatness from the roof top every time they try on clothes, hail a cab, climb some stairs, sit in a chair, or just leave their house. I'm very sorry but in the battle of "Who Has It Worse" the fat person will always win in my book.
> 
> As for the closet cases...Stay there. It's nice and safe. Just don't go trying to drag some BBW in there with you making her your dirty little secret.



Because both answers bear repeating.


----------



## exile in thighville

Tooz said:


> Sexually assaulted x2
> Physically assaulted x2
> More I don't feel like talking about.
> 
> So don't fucking tell me I'm getting shrill. End.



i'm not seeing the connection between these terrible events and fat.

also this is the worst thread of all time


----------



## Tooz

exile in thighville said:


> i'm not seeing the connection between these terrible events and fat.
> 
> also this is the worst thread of all time



Uhhhhhh you mean ASIDE from the fact they happened BECAUSE I was fat?


----------



## exile in thighville

Tooz said:


> Uhhhhhh you mean ASIDE from the fact they happened BECAUSE I was fat?



you should probably drop it.


----------



## Tooz

exile in thighville said:


> you should probably drop it.



You weren't seeing the connection, so I connected it for you. Simple.


----------



## TraciJo67

I don't see this as a competition between who has it worse, whether that be FA or BBW. Both have their own set of issues, well documented in the number of years I've visited this board (hashed and rehashed). It doesn't have to be a contest, nor should it be. 

We all have our sad tales. I've been treated poorly because I've been fat. My husband has been treated poorly because he is a minority. My brother was terribly marginalized because he was chemically addicted and homeless. I have a thin, beautiful friend who is struggling with a cancer diagnosis. We're currently discussing race relations (in another thread) and how insidious racism still is, as we close in on 2010. In another thread, someone is freely stating his contempt for homosexuality. Anyone who has ever felt outside the so-called 'norm' understands how it feels to be treated badly. 

That said, the reason that I don't have much sympathy for closeted FA's has nothing to do with a "but I'm fat and I can't BE in the closet" line of reasoning. It is because I have little patience for adults who allow peer pressure, in any form, to hold them back from being who they yearn to be. It's cowardly, and it's counter-productive. Grow a pair. Srsly.


----------



## exile in thighville

Tooz said:


> You weren't seeing the connection, so I connected it for you. Simple.



you didn't actually do this but really just drop it


----------



## Tooz

exile in thighville said:


> you didn't actually do this but really just drop it



If you wanted it dropped, then why did you continue it? I am honestly confused now and yeah.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Tooz said:


> If you wanted it dropped, then why did you continue it? I am honestly confused now and yeah.


----------



## Tooz

BothGunsBlazing said:


>



It looks like YOU TOLD ME.


OH SNAP (did I use it right?!)


----------



## mergirl

BothGunsBlazing said:


>


i cant belive Tom Cruise is still in the closet!! He is gay in every way.


----------



## mossystate

yeah.....really....drop it....the dude with all the answers has spoken...I imagine he is gonna pitch one hell of a temper tantrum...so....drop it!


----------



## TraciJo67

mossystate said:


> yeah.....really....drop it....the dude with all the answers has spoken...I imagine he is gonna pitch one hell of a temper tantrum...so....drop it!



Shhhh ... I'm munching popcorn over here and waiting for the fit pitching.


----------



## LillyBBBW

I'm skipping town for the weekend so someone please save the deleted posts for me. Have a good weekend all!! :kiss2:


----------



## stan_der_man

exile in thighville said:


> ...
> 
> also this is the worst thread of all time



I agree Dan, but there have been worse... and I'm sure there will be more.



Hey kids... Lemme show you a dance I learned a while back... It's called "The Dimensions"...



OK here we go...


Put your left foot forward... now take two steps backwards. It's that simple!


----------



## mossystate

TraciJo67 said:


> Shhhh ... I'm munching popcorn over here and waiting for the fit pitching.


ssssorry...here, have a program of the names that he will call people



LillyBBBW said:


> I'm skipping town for the weekend so someone please save the deleted posts for me. Have a good weekend all!! :kiss2:



Will do!


----------



## TraciJo67

mossystate said:


> ssssorry...here, have a program of the names that he will call people
> 
> 
> 
> Will do!



He? My money is on the Toozinator, for a knock-out in the 3rd round.


----------



## stan_der_man

TraciJo67 said:


> He? My money is on the Toozinator, for a knock-out in the 3rd round.



My money is on Dan... I like him, he's got chutzpah... Don't underestimate him...


So, ah TraciJo... would you like to dance with me? It's a really easy dance. I would ask Mossy, but I've heard that she tends step on toes more than you do...


----------



## exile in thighville

fa_man_stan said:


> I agree Dan, but there have been worse... and I'm sure there will be more.



only because your account hasn't been deleted yet.

anyway.

guys.


----------



## mergirl

hmm..you know when you get that Frankenstein feeling.. 
Just going to sit back and watch everything getting stomped to mush till theres nothing left but the monster.


----------



## mossystate

*L*....mer....don't get so down....this happens...and things move along..chin up


----------



## TraciJo67

fa_man_stan said:


> My money is on Dan... I like him, he's got chutzpah... Don't underestimate him...
> 
> 
> So, ah TraciJo... would you like to dance with me? It's a really easy dance. I would ask Mossy, but I've heard that she tends step on toes more than you do...



Bah. Tooz eats people like Dan for breakfast. Literally. I ain't speakin' figuratively here. 

And I must respectfully decline the invitation to dance, Stan der Man. I'm a'skeert of your steel-tip boots


----------



## Tooz

TraciJo67 said:


> Bah. Tooz eats people like Dan for breakfast. Literally. I ain't speakin' figuratively here.
> 
> And I must respectfully decline the invitation to dance, Stan der Man. I'm a'skeert of your steel-tip boots



Fatties do eat people. HOURLY. We just can't keep our massive guts sated. :O


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

mergirl said:


> Rememeber, "rip the clits off" closeted Fa's too!! Just trying to keep you PC and remembering the FFas too sandie!



I'm not always PC Mer - but I'm always honest.


----------



## exile in thighville

TraciJo67 said:


> people like Dan



who are these


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

You know the thing that is bugging me the most is how it seems to me - everyone wants to compare blood knees but try to make sure their knees are the bloodiest.

Everybody had it tough growing up and I hate diminishing others feelings about their own pain.

Oh and Tina - I was 375 lbs when I graduated HS in 1978. I never had a date in HS. But I also never dated a closeted FA. FWTW.


----------



## TraciJo67

exile in thighville said:


> who are these



If you've got flesh, she's got teeth.


----------



## exile in thighville

TraciJo67 said:


> If you've got flesh, she's got teeth.









listen here bitch


----------



## Jon Blaze

TraciJo67 said:


> He? My money is on the Toozinator, for a knock-out in the 3rd round.



Stick and move! STICK AND MOVE! lol


----------



## exile in thighville

what you doin on our turf punk

said i got a message for smokey

who

you smokey man?

no

if you ain't smokey ain't your motherfuckin message


----------



## troubadours

yeah i remember that time my family moved and someone burned our house down and wrote go home fatty on the lawn BEING FAT IS TO HARD


----------



## mossystate

those damned closeted FA's and matches...don't mix


----------



## Wild Zero

troubadours said:


> yeah i remember that time my family moved and someone burned our house down and wrote go home fatty on the lawn BEING FAT IS TO HARD



Did you go to school on a football scholarship and won the big game and got the girl but then Matt Damon found out you were a crypto-fat and put a thin-stika over your bed?


----------



## troubadours

Wild Zero said:


> Did you go to school on a football scholarship and won the big game and got the girl but then Matt Damon found out you were a crypto-fat and put a thin-stika over your bed?



basically also their are so many hard ship's and im posituve its because i was fat god when will it ever stop im tried of having to sit on the back of the bus be/c of my SIZE


----------



## AnnMarie

exile in thighville said:


> also this is the worst thread of all time



Oh no no, that's a tall order. 

Don't make me post links. We don't need to revisit those areas.


----------



## mergirl

AnnMarie said:


> Oh no no, that's a tall order.
> 
> Don't make me post links. We don't need to revisit those areas.


oh please do. Maby it will make me feel better! lmao..
think i should start a thred "fat people are aliens" or "Fa's are all related to sheep".


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

mergirl said:


> think i should start a thred "fat people are aliens" or "Fa's are all related to sheep".



Actually, it's a widely held belief around here that all FFAs are in fact space aliens, but surely as a fellow FFA, you would agree with me that that's just silly. Right? RIGHT?



(I can PM you some links to MUCH worse threads, my space sister....um, I mean........)


----------



## mergirl

Dr. P Marshall said:


> Actually, it's a widely held belief around here that all FFAs are in fact space aliens, but surely as a fellow FFA, you would agree with me that that's just silly. Right? RIGHT?
> 
> 
> 
> (I can PM you some links to MUCH worse threads, my space sister....um, I mean........)


indeed...baaa i mean.. haha yessum..would love that pm! ahh..think we should start a reminicance thred "what were the worst dimensions threds ever"..
Its life Dr P but not as we know it!!!
shall i beam myself up?? lol


----------



## AnnMarie

mergirl said:


> indeed...baaa i mean.. haha yessum..would love that pm! ahh..think we should start a reminicance thred "what were the worst dimensions threds ever"..
> Its life Dr P but not as we know it!!!
> shall i beam myself up?? lol




Just don't resurrect them....mkay??? Really.

And no on the "list" of them... most are locked, but some have very thankfully just faded off into the distance... and trust me, that's where they should STAY. Everyone has skeletons and such, but no reason to leave a map to ours... hahah.


----------



## TotallyReal

Yeesh, lighten up will ya! Everyone needs to take a deep breath and relaaaxxxxx, mmmkay?


----------



## troubadours

TotallyReal said:


> Yeesh, lighten up will ya! Everyone needs to take a deep breath and relaaaxxxxx, mmmkay?



maybe when all the hate crim's against fattie lighten up than i will to but intil then my hart shatters and i will not breath


----------



## AshleyEileen

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Oh and Tina - I was 375 lbs when I graduated HS in 1978. I never had a date in HS. But I also never dated a closeted FA. FWTW.



I was around 350 and never had a date until I was 20. I've also never even dated an FA. I've had one boyfriend and one boyfriend only.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

mergirl said:


> Its ok to be frightened. Its not ok to treat people with disrespect.


Then why are you and a few others around here being so disrespectful of a few FAs who are just being honest about their feelings and experiences?


----------



## indy500tchr

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> Then why are you and a few others around here being so disrespectful of a few FAs who are just being honest about their feelings and experiences?



I don't think that mer has been disrespetful at all. I believe she has been very thoughtful and neutral in her posts.


----------



## olwen

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> Then why are you and a few others around here being so disrespectful of a few FAs who are just being honest about their feelings and experiences?



I believe that a lot of us have been honest as well. There's a difference between disrespect and righteous anger. How can we be disrespectful to people who continue to be disrespectful to other fatties? Respect has to be given before it comes back. 

They should be so lucky that we've all probably held back a certain level of anger and that we have given polite, eloquent, and well thought out answers. This thread could have been a real shit storm of massive proportions, and in my opinion it hasn't been.


----------



## Weeze

This thread needs to just go away now.
I can already tell everyone, it will accomplish nothing.

NOTHING.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

indy500tchr said:


> I don't think that mer has been disrespetful at all. I believe she has been very thoughtful and neutral in her posts.


I guess you and I have been reading different posts. She started this thread with an attack on FAs and has kept it up throughout the whole damn thread. The impression I've come away with after reading this thread is that she didn't want to "discuss" anything - she just wanted to attack....


----------



## Weeze

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> I guess you and I have been reading different posts. She started this thread with an attack on FAs and has kept it up throughout the whole damn thread. The impression I've come away with after reading this thread is that she didn't want to "discuss" anything - she just wanted to attack....



Umm, No?

She started it with an *honest* (there's that word again ) and someone had to come in, be offensive instead of constructive, and well, it went down the shitter. 

Honestly, I'd like you to pick out ANY post Mergirl has made in ANY thread that would sound like an attack on anyone.... I don't think she's capable of hatin'.


----------



## James

All FA's have been closeted or awkward about our preferences at some point in our youth. We can all understand the social pressures and a lot of us have had it tough when dealing with the consequences of peer and parental judgement. 

This thread has been here many times before and it will no doubt keep re-appearing. There has been posturing, posing and anger in each iteration but I don't think these things really help a lot. Maybe such things even contribute towards FAs staying in the closet? 

When I was more active here, I used to get fairly frequent PMs for advice from new FAs. I gave it, as best I could because the positive re-inforcement I got, here at dims, when I was younger was one of the major factors that helped me. There's obviously a lot of frustration at closetation but I'd like to think that dims can continue to provide the kind of supportive atmosphere that I once benefitted from.


----------



## Poncedeleon

troubadours said:


> maybe when all the hate crim's against fattie lighten up than i will to but intil then my hart shatters and i will not breath



Years ago I recognized my kinship with all living beings, and I made up my mind that I was not one bit better than the meanest of the earth. I said then, and I say now, that while there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free; and while there closeted FAs, I will write angry posts on the internet.


----------



## LalaCity

I'm starting to think that maybe some kind of private FA initiation board really _should_ exist -- that way the closeted guys can be as (unwittingly) insensitive as they need to be in order to get the guidance they require...

These nascent FA "_Help -- I'm stuck in the closet!_" threads will continue for the foreseeable future...but there's got to be a way to aid and encourage these guys without exposing BBWs to the usual boneheaded remarks which accompany them and cause so much pain and frustration...

I can see it from both sides -- FAs should have a safe place to come out and reveal their feelings, and BBWs shouldn't have to endure hearing about how hard it is to admit liking "socially unacceptable" fat women on a board where they come to _forget_ the daily cruelty and abuse of the real world.

*sigh*


----------



## Tina

edx said:


> (emphasis mine).
> 
> Yah, back in the day I would also have liked to know that there was such a thing as other guys preferring fat females. I certainly remember being in middle school and high school and assuming that I was the only person who felt that way. Which made talking about it seem pretty pointless, because obviously nobody was going to share my point of view.


I think a lot of guys felt that way, Ed. It's too bad y'all couldn't have somehow communicated, as is possible today on boards like this, so you wouldn't have felt so odd and alone. 


> If I'd met a bigger girl that I wanted to date I like to think that I would have gone ahead and done so, but there were so few around that I didn't meet such a gal, and so I didn't date at all. I also didn't drool over the thin girls-- I'm pretty sure that some family and friends had concluded that I was gay, but nobody ever asked, so I never discussed it.


See, to me a lack of opportunity, or just not being grown up enough yet to understand who you are, doesn't equal being closeted. I think that being a cowardly adult afraid of owning up to your preference and instead hiding it -- that's being closeted, IMO. 



Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Oh and Tina - I was 375 lbs when I graduated HS in 1978. I never had a date in HS. But I also never dated a closeted FA. FWTW.


I dated one guy, a little, and he wasn't afraid to take me out. We used to double date sometimes, with friends. He was the only one, and he dumped me for another fat girl. LOL

I think that for someone with a lousy self-perception, dating a closeted, ashamed FA only makes things worse. Really, I would have been much better off not dating the guy I referred to earlier, because seeing how he behaved only made me feel worse about myself.

Tooz, I, too, have been physically assaulted for being fat, and the only times it stopped is when I fought back hard enough to cause bleeding or broken bones/cartilage in the guys who did it -- it was almost always guys who got physical -- one had a sharpened pencil stuck through his hand and another got 3 of the knuckles of his left hand mashed to bits and was, last time I saw him, crying. Not being a violent person, I didn't want to have to play it that way. It's so screwed up.


----------



## Oirish

Well I figure I might as well throw my hat in here as well. I'm not a closeted FA or an out and out one either really. As I've said in quite a few other posts, I'm an equal opportunist. I find women sexy in a multitude of shapes and sizes. What can I say, I just love women.  I don't really feel it necessary to divulge all of my sexual preferences to people that aren't welcome in my bedroom. 
Saying that, I definitely DO point out sexy big girls when we are blessed with their presence just as often as they point out thin girls (I point out the thin ones as well...hot is hot, regardless of size). What I really enjoy is when a beautiful chubby girl comes by and friends agree with me when I point out her beauty. It gives me hope they aren't all brainwashed into what TV tells them is beautiful. 
I don't really see the fact that I don't parade around the fact that I find fat girls attractive as a sign that I am "in the closet" or anything. I take out big girls. I take out small girls. I bring them all around friends of mine and have a fantastic time. I am still looking for someone I want to keep around but I'm in no rush.


----------



## mergirl

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> Then why are you and a few others around here being so disrespectful of a few FAs who are just being honest about their feelings and experiences?


Wayne, I really have tried to remain diplomatic here. I wanted to talk about something that i think a lot of people are curious about, which divides the community and could..erm 'could' be something to look at rationally. Personally, i dont think i have been disrespectful to any Fa's here, though if you would like to point out exactly where you think i have been (without taking my words out of context) then i will be happy to apologise to whoever i have been disrespectful to. This is not the same btw as 'having' respect for people who treat others like shit.


----------



## mergirl

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> I guess you and I have been reading different posts. She started this thread with an attack on FAs and has kept it up throughout the whole damn thread. The impression I've come away with after reading this thread is that she didn't want to "discuss" anything - she just wanted to attack....


erm.. i am an Fa! Why would i want to attack Fa's?? That really wasnt my intention. People have felt attacked, including obviously yourself. I think to be honest i have been pretty patient here when i just dont swallow the whole Fa comming out trauma crap..i'm sorry i just dont. I know that different people are affected differently..but seriously?? come on.. Anyway..I'm sure everything i want to say has been said already.


----------



## mergirl

AnnMarie said:


> Just don't resurrect them....mkay??? Really.
> 
> And no on the "list" of them... most are locked, but some have very thankfully just faded off into the distance... and trust me, that's where they should STAY. Everyone has skeletons and such, but no reason to leave a map to ours... hahah.


hmm was that a nervous haha AM?? lol..think i need to put on my diggin hat!!  
Its funny, i used to think threds were locked because they were too heated and wernt getting anywhere..i now realies the other function is to kill them slowly.. sort of like watching someone with concrete feet sinking to the bottom of a murkey lake!! Not that ive seen that kinna thing of course!! muwahahahaha!


----------



## bexy

I am curious to know, does anyone actually ever "come out" as an FA?? Like in the same way a gay girl or guy would? Ya know, the whole "Mum, Dad, I'm an FA?" 

I don't know of anyone who ever has. It seems odd to me. Surely for something that is essentially just a preference like preferring blondes, is the coming out and the drama really necessary??


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

bexy said:


> I am curious to know, does anyone actually ever "come out" as an FA?? Like in the same way a gay girl or guy would? Ya know, the whole "Mum, Dad, I'm an FA?"
> 
> I don't know of anyone who ever has. It seems odd to me. Surely for something that is essentially just a preference like preferring blondes, is the coming out and the drama really necessary??


I guess it depends on the FA and his (or her) family dynamics. I essentially did right after I announced my engagement to my first wife.  My family (especially my father) wanted to know why after dating an average weight girl all through high school I wanted to marry a woman who was 5-foot-2 and around 180 pounds. I told them flat-out that I had always preferred larger girls and women, that it was no different than a guy preferring blondes or women with long legs, and that I didn't chose a wife to make others happy - I chose her to make ME happy. 

It took a while, but I think they finally understood where I was coming from. Especially when that marriage ended and every other woman I was involved with over the years was a BBW.


----------



## mergirl

bexy said:


> I am curious to know, does anyone actually ever "come out" as an FA?? Like in the same way a gay girl or guy would? Ya know, the whole "Mum, Dad, I'm an FA?"
> 
> I don't know of anyone who ever has. It seems odd to me. Surely for something that is essentially just a preference like preferring blondes, is the coming out and the drama really necessary??


yup. On both occassions it was sort of a whirlwind of weirdness but i would certainly say i 'came out' on both accounts.
The first when i was 15 as gay..mum couldnt talk to me for a long time, our relationship totally changed, i moved out, i went from doing really well at school to leaving etc.
Whereas comming out as an Fa was later when i was an adult, my mum said something disparaging and i didnt see her for a long time,,
ha,,my mum sounds horrible when i put it like that.. she is actually very nice.. and we have sorted out our difffernces now...
Anyway..both were 'comming out's" but in differnt ways.


----------



## Blackjack

bexy said:


> I am curious to know, does anyone actually ever "come out" as an FA?? Like in the same way a gay girl or guy would? Ya know, the whole "Mum, Dad, I'm an FA?"



My mother and I were actually coming back from the mall one day four or so years ago when I just blurted out, "So I like fat chicks."

She basically just said, "Huh. Well, okay."


----------



## mergirl

haha. Short and sweet! i like it! Fuck the dramarama!


----------



## Blockierer

bexy said:


> I am curious to know, does anyone actually ever "come out" as an FA?? Like in the same way a gay girl or guy would? Ya know, the whole "Mum, Dad, I'm an FA?"
> 
> I don't know of anyone who ever has. It seems odd to me. Surely for something that is essentially just a preference like preferring blondes, is the coming out and the drama really necessary??



*lol* 
My mother outed me when I was seventeen:
"Of course you can also take a fat girl". :blush:

I think the mess is with closet FAs they do not like their preference themselves. So they are not capable of loving what they desire.
So all these discussions are useless what should an FA in the closet do or not.
As Shakespeares Hamlet said: "To be, or not to be, that is the question".


----------



## cinnamitch

You know i ADORE men, the looks of them, the smell of them just nearly every damn thing about them. Fellows i can sympathize with the plights of closeted FA's in a few respects , but honestly their pain is not even close to being on the same level as a bbw. I want them to put themselves in our place How would you feel about having words such as trauma, socially unacceptable and other painful words attached to the actuality of a man dating and being seen in public with you ? You have no idea how it feels to know that even though he may like you, he is still ashamed of being seen with you because of the social stigma. We don't want to live a life of being a stigma, we have fought hard to get to where we can even halfway look at ourselves with anything other than despair. How can we love ourselves and tell ourselves that we are just as good as anyone , when a person who is supposed to want us, desire us, even love us is fearful of how he may be looked at for wanting to be with us? Can you not see how we end up being so vocal in our distate for giving some of these men a free pass because they cant "deal" with it? Its not a hate of men , it's not even a hate of the closet FA. It is the realization that no matter how much we want to believe that love conquers all that in reality it is just a fairy tale that only happens for the socially acceptable most of the time and it is a bitter pill that we have to swallow time and time again.


----------



## wrestlingguy

Whenever this topic comes up, which is often, it always takes me to the same place, and usually ends up as a question that goes far beyond the scope of just being a FA. It travels to how we become who we are. When I was a little wrestlingguy, my dad always told me that I should be proud of the decisions I make in my life. He told me that at 9 years old, and I've been lucky enough to hang on that since.

I've made many decisions in life that were important to me. One of them cost me my first marriage. That decision was based on principle, as were all the others that occurred from 9 on.

So my question to all of you *boyz* that I'm supposed to be cutting some slack to is this:

*Didn't your parents raise you to have character, and to stand up in life for the things you want & believe in?*

If not, shame on your parents. I love my dad..................


----------



## olwen

LalaCity said:


> I'm starting to think that maybe some kind of private FA initiation board really _should_ exist -- that way the closeted guys can be as (unwittingly) insensitive as they need to be in order to get the guidance they require...
> 
> These nascent FA "_Help -- I'm stuck in the closet!_" threads will continue for the foreseeable future...but there's got to be a way to aid and encourage these guys without exposing BBWs to the usual boneheaded remarks which accompany them and cause so much pain and frustration...
> 
> I can see it from both sides -- FAs should have a safe place to come out and reveal their feelings, and BBWs shouldn't have to endure hearing about how hard it is to admit liking "socially unacceptable" fat women on a board where they come to _forget_ the daily cruelty and abuse of the real world.
> 
> *sigh*



You read my mind! I agree with every word.


----------



## olwen

Oirish said:


> Well I figure I might as well throw my hat in here as well. I'm not a closeted FA or an out and out one either really. As I've said in quite a few other posts, I'm an equal opportunist. I find women sexy in a multitude of shapes and sizes. What can I say, I just love women.  I don't really feel it necessary to divulge all of my sexual preferences to people that aren't welcome in my bedroom.
> Saying that, I definitely DO point out sexy big girls when we are blessed with their presence just as often as they point out thin girls (I point out the thin ones as well...hot is hot, regardless of size). What I really enjoy is when a beautiful chubby girl comes by and friends agree with me when I point out her beauty. It gives me hope they aren't all brainwashed into what TV tells them is beautiful.
> I don't really see the fact that I don't parade around the fact that I find fat girls attractive as a sign that I am "in the closet" or anything. I take out big girls. I take out small girls. I bring them all around friends of mine and have a fantastic time. I am still looking for someone I want to keep around but I'm in no rush.



You don't have to shout from the rooftops that you like fat girls, same as how gay people don't have to shout either. What you already do is enough. Just be out and about with the women you like without fear. That's all you have to do.


----------



## olwen

wrestlingguy said:


> Whenever this topic comes up, which is often, it always takes me to the same place, and usually ends up as a question that goes far beyond the scope of just being a FA. It travels to how we become who we are. When I was a little wrestlingguy, my dad always told me that I should be proud of the decisions I make in my life. He told me that at 9 years old, and I've been lucky enough to hang on that since.
> 
> I've made many decisions in life that were important to me. One of them cost me my first marriage. That decision was based on principle, as were all the others that occurred from 9 on.
> 
> So my question to all of you *boyz* that I'm supposed to be cutting some slack to is this:
> 
> *Didn't your parents raise you to have character, and to stand up in life for the things you want & believe in?*
> 
> If not, shame on your parents. I love my dad..................



Clearly, the world needs more dads like yours. :happy:


----------



## Haunted

I don't understand how this is even a pissing contest, Do any fa's Honestly feel like their "Plight" can be compared in anyway to what a young fat girl goes through. this is such bullshit these girls get ridiculed an ostracized because they are bigger, because they look different, because according to popular society they are unattractive and unhealthy. 

Fa's may feel socially awkward because their desires are against the norm. But do you really think your struggle compares. yes i was confused and unsure what it meant when i started to realize that extra curves and more woman was what i wanted, and i hung out in the closet for a little bit while i tried to figure things out and understand myself better. 

The two shall never be compared they are separate issues 

I'm sorry that any BBW's feel worse by hearing how some fa's struggle with their emotions. although they should be able to discuss these feelings etc. maybe Lala is onto something maybe we need an fa initiation board.


----------



## James

LalaCity said:


> I'm starting to think that maybe some kind of private FA initiation board really _should_ exist -- that way the closeted guys can be as (unwittingly) insensitive as they need to be in order to get the guidance they require...


 
I think that if a web forum such as dims can have a broad enough brush to include a GLTQ-specific forum and a private super-size forum then a forum for FA issues (which keep getting brought back up ad infinitum) should be a no-brainer. Thats just my opinion. I appreciate the counter-argument that the whole of dims is an FA board. I just think there are a whole suite of issues that would get better resolution if a specific space was set aside for tackling them and offering support.


----------



## exile in thighville

bexy said:


> I am curious to know, does anyone actually ever "come out" as an FA?? Like in the same way a gay girl or guy would? Ya know, the whole "Mum, Dad, I'm an FA?"
> 
> I don't know of anyone who ever has. It seems odd to me. Surely for something that is essentially just a preference like preferring blondes, is the coming out and the drama really necessary??



i interrupted my dad before he spoke one more lie about nigella lawson


----------



## Blackjack

wrestlingguy said:


> Whenever this topic comes up, which is often, it always takes me to the same place, and usually ends up as a question that goes far beyond the scope of just being a FA. It travels to how we become who we are. When I was a little wrestlingguy, my dad always told me that I should be proud of the decisions I make in my life. He told me that at 9 years old, and I've been lucky enough to hang on that since.
> 
> I've made many decisions in life that were important to me. One of them cost me my first marriage. That decision was based on principle, as were all the others that occurred from 9 on.
> 
> So my question to all of you *boyz* that I'm supposed to be cutting some slack to is this:
> 
> *Didn't your parents raise you to have character, and to stand up in life for the things you want & believe in?*
> 
> If not, shame on your parents. I love my dad..................



Although I wholeheartedly agree, I also think that the tempered confidence- not just about what you like, but about who you are- that is required to act on this sentiment can sometimes take a while. It seems more common in late high school and in college than in middle school or freshman year of high school. 

I don't really see a problem with this- _unless_, while maturing and learning and building that confidence, you openly and willingly behave as though the things that make you _you_ are somehow wrong or shameful or worst of all "uncool".

At any rate, let's hear it for parents who teach their kids to stand up for themselves.


----------



## Paquito

The only thing I can really contribute to this thread again is to reiterate the notion that until you accept your preferences, lay off the fat chicks (or fat boys, not discriminating here). Yes, every closet case is different and should be handled as such, but if someone's just in the closet because they're scared of society of what their friends may think, then that person needs to stay the hell away from fatties. You obviously don't deserve to bask in our jiggliness.

Just because you have problems, don't bring a fattie down and possibly hurt their self esteem. It's hard enough to have self esteem as a fat person these days, don't make it harder.

K?


----------



## Victim

It's all about death for me. Every second brings me closer to it. Having to work is bad enough. I'm not going to waste any of my time letting the world tell me what to do with my life, including who I choose to be with.


----------



## thatgirl08

I used to have a lot more sympathy for closeted FA's than I do now. After giving my heart (and virginity) to an asshole who later decided he wasn't ready to "change his life" by coming out as an FA I don't really give a shit anymore. If you're having trouble accepting or understanding your preference, shit that's whatever. Go for it. Take your time. BUT STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM FAT GIRLS. No one wants to be your experiment or ho on the side. Here's a big fuck you to any FA that's ever done that.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

free2beme04 said:


> You obviously don't deserve to bask in our jiggliness.




Post pix plz kthx


----------



## jewels_mystery

thatgirl08 said:


> I used to have a lot more sympathy for closeted FA's than I do now. After giving my heart (and virginity) to an asshole who later decided he wasn't ready to "change his life" by coming out as an FA I don't really give a shit anymore. If you're having trouble accepting or understanding your preference, shit that's whatever. Go for it. Take your time. BUT STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM FAT GIRLS. No one wants to be your experiment or ho on the side. Here's a big fuck you to any FA that's ever done that.



I don't understand it either. If closeted FA's are confused, stay by yourself. As a BBW who has dated several closeted FA's, it was a mind fuck I could have done without. Maybe the reason why so many of us suffer from self esteem issues is because we are dealing with men who haven't grown up enough to be proud of their preferences.


----------



## MisticalMisty

jewels_mystery said:


> I don't understand it either. If closeted FA's are confused, stay by yourself. As a BBW who has dated several closeted FA's, it was a mind fuck I could have done without. Maybe the reason why so many of us suffer from self esteem issues is because we are dealing with men who haven't grown up enough to be proud of their preferences.



Your self esteem shouldn't be tied to men. Seriously.

I'm not trying to be harsh..just trying to be honest. A man shouldn't be the one validating that you are a good person, deserving of the best. If you are relying on that, quite frankly, you're going to come up short more often than not.

As far as dating closeted FAs, we have to be empowered enough to say no and stand up for ourselves. In a sense, it's the same as allowing some fucktard to go "hogging." Until fat women stand up for themselves, this behavior is going to continue.

Please, please, please! Know that you are worthy of a nice guy who will enjoy you completely!


----------



## jewels_mystery

MisticalMisty said:


> Your self esteem shouldn't be tied to men. Seriously.
> 
> I'm not trying to be harsh..just trying to be honest. A man shouldn't be the one validating that you are a good person, deserving of the best. If you are relying on that, quite frankly, you're going to come up short more often than not.
> 
> As far as dating closeted FAs, we have to be empowered enough to say no and stand up for ourselves. In a sense, it's the same as allowing some fucktard to go "hogging." Until fat women stand up for themselves, this behavior is going to continue.
> 
> Please, please, please! Know that you are worthy of a nice guy who will enjoy you completely!



My self esteem is not tied to a guy nor should anyone's. I can truly say I know my worth. Maybe self esteem wasn't the right word to use. When your young, dealing with a guy who doesn't want to be seen outside with you or find fault with you, I believe it will affect anyone. If your dating someone, you would hope that person finds you as attractive as you do them (and be proud to claim you).


----------



## olwen

MisticalMisty said:


> Your self esteem shouldn't be tied to men. Seriously.
> 
> I'm not trying to be harsh..just trying to be honest. A man shouldn't be the one validating that you are a good person, deserving of the best. If you are relying on that, quite frankly, you're going to come up short more often than not.
> 
> As far as dating closeted FAs, we have to be empowered enough to say no and stand up for ourselves. In a sense, it's the same as allowing some fucktard to go "hogging." Until fat women stand up for themselves, this behavior is going to continue.
> 
> Please, please, please! Know that you are worthy of a nice guy who will enjoy you completely!



I agree that our self esteem shouldn't be tied to men, but here's the thing; We don't have examples of sexy and empowered fat women out there as validation either. Thin girls do get that tho. It's like we start in a vacuum while thin girls get fresh air and sunlight. I know that thin girls get images that are unrealistic and oppressive but they are also represented in realistic ways, while fat girls are not represented at all. 

The first taste of empowerment many women get, (not just fat girls) comes from knowing we have sexual power. Most women feel that power as teens because they date and flirt and have boys express desire for them. So for the fat girl to get the same sense of empowerment from a guy is just as important and when the desire that the boys express turns out to be conditional (as in I can only desire you as long as no one knows about it) it takes away any sense of empowerment you would have otherwise gained. 

It's taken me years to be able to realize my self worth is something I have to actualize, but having that unconditional desire expressed to me played a big part in getting to this place. Saying we need to just forget about getting that self empowerment from men really is asking a lot since this particular thing (hogging and such) is an obstacle thin girls don't have to deal with. It follows that they'd become empowered faster....We all need to know that we are wanted, fat girls and thin girls alike. The path to self worth just shouldn't be blocked by these kind of jerks.


----------



## MisticalMisty

olwen said:


> I agree that our self esteem shouldn't be tied to men, but here's the thing; We don't have examples of sexy and empowered fat women out there as validation either. Thin girls do get that tho. It's like we start in a vacuum while thin girls get fresh air and sunlight. I know that thin girls get images that are unrealistic and oppressive but they are also represented in realistic ways, while fat girls are not represented at all.
> 
> The first taste of empowerment many women get, (not just fat girls) comes from knowing we have sexual power. Most women feel that power as teens because they date and flirt and have boys express desire for them. So for the fat girl to get the same sense of empowerment from a guy is just as important and when the desire that the boys express turns out to be conditional (as in I can only desire you as long as no one knows about it) it takes away any sense of empowerment you would have otherwise gained.
> 
> It's taken me years to be able to realize my self worth is something I have to actualize, but having that unconditional desire expressed to me played a big part in getting to this place. Saying we need to just forget about getting that self empowerment from men really is asking a lot since this particular thing (hogging and such) is an obstacle thin girls don't have to deal with. It follows that they'd become empowered faster....We all need to know that we are wanted, fat girls and thin girls alike. The path to self worth just shouldn't be blocked by these kind of jerks.



I don't buy that. Sorry. 

There are just as many skinny girls with self esteem issues as there are fat girls. It doesn't matter if there's an empowered role model present or not. 

I'm not doubting that a woman wants to feel desirable, at all. I love it when a guy thinks I'm sexy. However, I know that not every man is going to find me hot and sexy..and well that's ok. At the end of the day, the important thing is that I think I'm the bee's knee.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Absolutely Misty. Excellent Post. 





MisticalMisty said:


> I don't buy that. Sorry.
> 
> There are just as many skinny girls with self esteem issues as there are fat girls. It doesn't matter if there's an empowered role model present or not.
> 
> I'm not doubting that a woman wants to feel desirable, at all. I love it when a guy thinks I'm sexy. However, I know that not every man is going to find me hot and sexy..and well that's ok. At the end of the day, the important thing is that I think I'm the bee's knee.


----------



## cinnamitch

MisticalMisty said:


> I don't buy that. Sorry.
> 
> There are just as many skinny girls with self esteem issues as there are fat girls. It doesn't matter if there's an empowered role model present or not.
> 
> I'm not doubting that a woman wants to feel desirable, at all. I love it when a guy thinks I'm sexy. However, I know that not every man is going to find me hot and sexy..and well that's ok. At the end of the day, the important thing is that I think I'm the bee's knee.



Just because you dont "buy that" does not mean it it isn't an issue. Women can be as strong as they need to be and hell yes we have to be . But i am not going to give a free pass to some asshole who thinks its ok to fuck a fattie as long as we keep it his little secret. You can even take self esteem out of it if you want to, it boils down to simple respect. Why do i have to accept that someone can use bad , disrespectful behavior with me and it then becomes my responsibility to make sure my self esteem remains intact while he goes on his merry way with " aww thats just how some men are" wafting in the breeze . If a dude wants a fat chick he needs to decide what is the most important to him and then either shit or get off the pot.


----------



## olwen

MisticalMisty said:


> I don't buy that. Sorry.
> 
> There are just as many skinny girls with self esteem issues as there are fat girls. It doesn't matter if there's an empowered role model present or not.
> 
> I'm not doubting that a woman wants to feel desirable, at all. I love it when a guy thinks I'm sexy. However, I know that not every man is going to find me hot and sexy..and well that's ok. At the end of the day, the important thing is that I think I'm the bee's knee.



I'm not saying we should expect every guy we meet to find us desirable. I'm saying the ones who do find us desirable will have an affect on us, and that for women validation usually comes in the form of sexual empowerment thin or no. If this isn't true for you, then I want to know your secret. Truly. How did you get to that place that eludes so many fat women without validation from another person?


----------



## MisticalMisty

cinnamitch said:


> Just because you dont "buy that" does not mean it it isn't an issue. Women can be as strong as they need to be and hell yes we have to be . But i am not going to give a free pass to some asshole who thinks its ok to fuck a fattie as long as we keep it his little secret. You can even take self esteem out of it if you want to, it boils down to simple respect. Why do i have to accept that someone can use bad , disrespectful behavior with me and it then becomes my responsibility to make sure my self esteem remains intact while he goes on his merry way with " aww thats just how some men are" wafting in the breeze . If a dude wants a fat chick he needs to decide what is the most important to him and then either shit or get off the pot.



Where did you see me saying that any of that was ok? NO WHERE!

I would never allow a man to treat me like that and would never wish that kind of treatment on anyone..ever.

Maybe you should have payed more attention to the context of my post.

Seriously.


----------



## MisticalMisty

olwen said:


> I'm not saying we should expect every guy we meet to find us desirable. I'm saying the ones who do find us desirable will have an affect on us, and that for women validation usually comes in the form of sexual empowerment thin or no. If this isn't true for you, then I want to know your secret. Truly. How did you get to that place that eludes so many fat women without validation from another person?



I honestly just decided one day. I don't think it's that simplistic for everyone and it was a hard row..but I decided that I was more than just a pretty face. It's also about me really making things work on my own. I put myself through school, I lived on my own for a long time. I never had the normal college experience. I think a lot of it just comes from knowing that I can do all those things.

I can't explain it..I wish I could.


----------



## sugarmoore

BothGunsBlazing said:


> so, it's ok to compliment women on the paysite board and be all like OMG you are so hot! but not so much to be seen with them? they sure must be gorgeous! nothing makes a woman feel more beautiful than knowing some one would be "uncool" if seen with them. Fuckin' awesome.



yah...its offical....you f*#@ing rock!


----------



## olwen

MisticalMisty said:


> I honestly just decided one day. I don't think it's that simplistic for everyone and it was a hard row..but I decided that I was more than just a pretty face. It's also about me really making things work on my own. I put myself through school, I lived on my own for a long time. I never had the normal college experience. I think a lot of it just comes from knowing that I can do all those things.
> 
> I can't explain it..I wish I could.



...It makes sense. I just decided one day too, but it was after going thru a lot of bullshit with men. I've also always separated my sexual side from the intellectual side, so my confidence in sexual self was never at the same level as my confidence in my abilities. They are at the same level now, but I do wonder if the sexual side would have caught up faster had it not been for a few closeted jerks, no, I know it would have.


----------



## QuantumXL

Lets be truthful. I for one used to be a highly closeted FA. I really didn't know who i was, and was afraid of how people would react to the way i broke it down. I have always liked fat people (Ever since i was 5!) but never knew what it was. I thought it was a phase, a complex, and it even got to the point where i thought i should get a skinny girl for a wife and have a fat girl on the side. VERY stupid of me, and i am very ashamed of it... But now i guess it's not really anything. I don't have to point out I'm a FA, nor do i need to point out that skinny girls are my preference. I think eventually People get the idea when you keep pressing a certain subject. Its not like we are gay or any thing of that sort. A person that likes italian just doesn't yell that they life italians. I do agree that "Being with fat girls doesn't make you look cool" is not a good excuse. I understand that you want to be cowardly about your sexuality, but you cannot run from your true self your whole life. I am a Fat Admirer. You ask me what kind of girls i like, i will either tell you chubby, plump, or just plain fat. However i understand what it was like to be closeted. We were always afraid of what people thought, how we fit in, what people would say behind their backs when their at a party, and what they get recognized as when people look at them. But sometimes you need to grow up and be real with yourself. Your life is filled with lies and it will bite you in the @$$ in the future, so get over it and be real with yourself.


----------



## QuantumXL

krismiss said:


> Well, there are multiple hotels around here, let's get crackin'.
> 
> You know... I actually would like for the college guys on here to respond to this. I don't really know.... I really just don't think it is that difficult for you to just date a fat girl if you like her. I mean, don't you deserve the whole package?
> It's stupid to give up someone you have a physical AND emotional connection with because you're embarrassed.
> Really, I think this needs to be done.
> I don't think there's much more that anyone can respond with that won't just end up being hurtful.
> 
> Because, that's what it fucking was. It was hurtful. I don't think I've said this since pre-k, but goddammit, He hurt my feelings.


Oh Im a College Kid heh just to give you a heads up.  My opinions on this is straight. I was raised as a "Popular" kid who everyone knew as class clown, and i still am (Class clown as a good thing) But most of the people that truly know me know I'm a FA and i like SSBBWs. People need to get over the hype and just be open. If the public don't like you because of what you like then screw the public, they don't like you and its not going to change if you try and act like someone else your not. That is my opinion on it. NYer and proud. Ain't got nuttin to hide.


----------



## TraciJo67

MisticalMisty said:


> I don't buy that. Sorry.
> 
> There are just as many skinny girls with self esteem issues as there are fat girls. It doesn't matter if there's an empowered role model present or not.
> 
> I'm not doubting that a woman wants to feel desirable, at all. I love it when a guy thinks I'm sexy. However, I know that not every man is going to find me hot and sexy..and well that's ok. At the end of the day, the important thing is that I think I'm the bee's knee.



I love this answer, misty. I wish, with all my heart, that it was the reality for everyone. But this kind of wisdom takes time. I didn't make this transition until I was nearing 40. I certainly didn't have this kind of confidence at 20, and at that time I was both thin and attractive, and knew that if I wanted to, I could find a "date" at any time. That knowledge had nothing to do with my self-esteem. As I got older, and fatter, I saw immediately how very invisible I became to both men and women. Men ignored me. Women gave me that loathful "pitying" glance that means "Thank God I'm not you." What a sad waste that I took that feedback to heart, and allowed myself to become a non-entity. I'm just not sure that I'd have been any happier, had I been thin and had all sorts of validation that I was attractive to others. As you mentioned earlier, inherent self-esteem has very little to do with how others view you. It comes from how much you like and respect yourself. That is a lesson that comes with time. Youth, wasted on the young, blah blah, blah blah


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Part of loving yourself...........does involve how you ALLOW others to treat you. Closeted FA's and confident BBWs....they simply don't mix.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

I've noticed throughout this thread that the term "closeted FA" is being used to describe two different groups of people:

1 - Those unsure young men (and women) who are still dealing with their preference, are still feeling all alone (thinking that they're the only person who thinks that way), and are not quite ready to take that big step of embracing their FA-ness.

2 - Those self-centered dolts who ralize they prefer fat women but can't bring themselves to be seen in public with a BBW.

The first group should be encouraged and nurtured. The second group should be kicked into the gutter for using BBWs for their own satisfaction without considering the woman's feelings.

Maybe we need two aeparate terms. I propose we use "closeted FA" for the undesirable second group, and use someting like "developing FA" for the first group.

Remember, ladies - people in the first group may be dating you in the future. And I'm afraid that some of the comments in this thread that are properly directed at the undesirable second group mayhave scared away a few developing FAs who are still looking for answers and courage.

At least that's how I see it.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

MisticalMisty said:


> I don't buy that. Sorry.
> 
> There are just as many skinny girls with self esteem issues as there are fat girls. It doesn't matter if there's an empowered role model present or not.
> 
> I'm not doubting that a woman wants to feel desirable, at all. I love it when a guy thinks I'm sexy. However, I know that not every man is going to find me hot and sexy..and well that's ok. At the end of the day, the important thing is that I think I'm the bee's knee.


Excellent points, Misty!

I would just like to add that many young people out their who are in the process of discovering their preference for BBWs are ALSO dealing with self-esteem issues. It takes a certain maturity and confidence level to be able to tell the world, "I don't care what any of you think - this is the type of woman that I find attractve".

Those that can fully embrace their FA-ness (like I did at age 19) have reached that maturity and confidence level. The low-lifes who only want BBWs when and where no one else can see haven't reached that level yet - and may never reach it.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

Gonna go out on a limb here and if anyone feels the need to throw rocks go ahead...

I think that a woman who allows herself to be dated by a "closeted fa" (basically movies at your house, then fucking after) but not dated publicly does so because she has low self esteem. Otherwise why would she allow herself to be treated that way? I think that in turn, that low self esteem of said woman, allows the man to feel he doesn't need to date a fat woman publicly. Why would he? He can fuck one privately and have the barbie on his arm to look cool to all his friends.

So its cyclical (sp?) and until fat women, all women really, know their own worth and demand to be treated how they deserve then this kind of thing will continue. What do you think would happen if a guy tried this crap for the first time with a woman who wasn't gonna stand for it? Then the next woman wouldn't take it either, and so on and so on. Eventually they'd have to grow up, and be a man. That or just continue to date barbie and be happy with the 30 pounds she's probably going to eventually gain when she gets older... 

So those of you out there with daughters, tell them, tell them now what they are worth. Tell them that they deserve to be treated like the queens they are, show them, ladies by how you treat yourselves and men by how you treat the women in your life.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Ella Bella said:


> Gonna go out on a limb here and if anyone feels the need to throw rocks go ahead...
> 
> I think that a woman who allows herself to be dated by a "closeted fa" (basically movies at your house, then fucking after) but not dated publicly does so because she has low self esteem. Otherwise why would she allow herself to be treated that way? I think that in turn, that low self esteem of said woman, allows the man to feel he doesn't need to date a fat woman publicly. Why would he? He can fuck one privately and have the barbie on his arm to look cool to all his friends.
> 
> So its cyclical (sp?) and until fat women, all women really, know their own worth and demand to be treated how they deserve then this kind of thing will continue. What do you think would happen if a guy tried this crap for the first time with a woman who wasn't gonna stand for it? Then the next woman wouldn't take it either, and so on and so on. Eventually they'd have to grow up, and be a man. That or just continue to date barbie and be happy with the 30 pounds she's probably going to eventually gain when she gets older...
> 
> So those of you out there with daughters, tell them, tell them now what they are worth. Tell them that they deserve to be treated like the queens they are, show them, ladies by how you treat yourselves and men by how you treat the women in your life.



No stones from me..I think this is a great post Ella.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Wow - excellent post and I agree. 




Ella Bella said:


> Gonna go out on a limb here and if anyone feels the need to throw rocks go ahead...
> 
> I think that a woman who allows herself to be dated by a "closeted fa" (basically movies at your house, then fucking after) but not dated publicly does so because she has low self esteem. Otherwise why would she allow herself to be treated that way? I think that in turn, that low self esteem of said woman, allows the man to feel he doesn't need to date a fat woman publicly. Why would he? He can fuck one privately and have the barbie on his arm to look cool to all his friends.
> 
> So its cyclical (sp?) and until fat women, all women really, know their own worth and demand to be treated how they deserve then this kind of thing will continue. What do you think would happen if a guy tried this crap for the first time with a woman who wasn't gonna stand for it? Then the next woman wouldn't take it either, and so on and so on. Eventually they'd have to grow up, and be a man. That or just continue to date barbie and be happy with the 30 pounds she's probably going to eventually gain when she gets older...
> 
> So those of you out there with daughters, tell them, tell them now what they are worth. Tell them that they deserve to be treated like the queens they are, show them, ladies by how you treat yourselves and men by how you treat the women in your life.


----------



## BubbleButtBabe

Ella Bella said:


> Gonna go out on a limb here and if anyone feels the need to throw rocks go ahead...
> 
> I think that a woman who allows herself to be dated by a "closeted fa" (basically movies at your house, then fucking after) but not dated publicly does so because she has low self esteem. Otherwise why would she allow herself to be treated that way? I think that in turn, that low self esteem of said woman, allows the man to feel he doesn't need to date a fat woman publicly. Why would he? He can fuck one privately and have the barbie on his arm to look cool to all his friends.
> 
> So its cyclical (sp?) and until fat women, all women really, know their own worth and demand to be treated how they deserve then this kind of thing will continue. What do you think would happen if a guy tried this crap for the first time with a woman who wasn't gonna stand for it? Then the next woman wouldn't take it either, and so on and so on. Eventually they'd have to grow up, and be a man. That or just continue to date barbie and be happy with the 30 pounds she's probably going to eventually gain when she gets older...
> 
> So those of you out there with daughters, tell them, tell them now what they are worth. Tell them that they deserve to be treated like the queens they are, show them, ladies by how you treat yourselves and men by how you treat the women in your life.



No stone throwing here.

You are so right. If a man is not willing to take you out in public then it is time to get rid of him. This goes for any sized woman. 

If all a man wants is to stay at your place to watch a movie or t.v after wards wanting to fuck you then tell him bye bye. 

If you tell the guy you have to date for x amount of dates before sex will even be discussed then you are at least 1 step ahead of him. If he isn't willing to wait that long then he really is not the man for you. If he is a mature guy he will be willing to wait until you are ready. Also if he is not willing to show any kind of public affection,say like holding hands,touching your arm or hugging you then he is not the man for you.


----------



## AnnMarie

Ella Bella said:


> Gonna go out on a limb here and if anyone feels the need to throw rocks go ahead...
> 
> I think that a woman who allows herself to be dated by a "closeted fa" (basically movies at your house, then fucking after) but not dated publicly does so because she has low self esteem. Otherwise why would she allow herself to be treated that way? I think that in turn, that low self esteem of said woman, allows the man to feel he doesn't need to date a fat woman publicly. Why would he? He can fuck one privately and have the barbie on his arm to look cool to all his friends.
> 
> So its cyclical (sp?) and until fat women, all women really, know their own worth and demand to be treated how they deserve then this kind of thing will continue. What do you think would happen if a guy tried this crap for the first time with a woman who wasn't gonna stand for it? Then the next woman wouldn't take it either, and so on and so on. Eventually they'd have to grow up, and be a man. That or just continue to date barbie and be happy with the 30 pounds she's probably going to eventually gain when she gets older...
> 
> So those of you out there with daughters, tell them, tell them now what they are worth. Tell them that they deserve to be treated like the queens they are, show them, ladies by how you treat yourselves and men by how you treat the women in your life.



Agree. This is a two way street, and you can't put all blame on someone who's getting away with it... there's no impetus to change.


----------



## Oirish

olwen said:


> You don't have to shout from the rooftops that you like fat girls, same as how gay people don't have to shout either. What you already do is enough. Just be out and about with the women you like without fear. That's all you have to do.



Exactly how I feel. Cheers


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Ella Bella said:


> Gonna go out on a limb here and if anyone feels the need to throw rocks go ahead...
> 
> I think that a woman who allows herself to be dated by a "closeted fa" (basically movies at your house, then fucking after) but not dated publicly does so because she has low self esteem. Otherwise why would she allow herself to be treated that way? I think that in turn, that low self esteem of said woman, allows the man to feel he doesn't need to date a fat woman publicly. Why would he? He can fuck one privately and have the barbie on his arm to look cool to all his friends.
> 
> So its cyclical (sp?) and until fat women, all women really, know their own worth and demand to be treated how they deserve then this kind of thing will continue. What do you think would happen if a guy tried this crap for the first time with a woman who wasn't gonna stand for it? Then the next woman wouldn't take it either, and so on and so on. Eventually they'd have to grow up, and be a man. That or just continue to date barbie and be happy with the 30 pounds she's probably going to eventually gain when she gets older...
> 
> So those of you out there with daughters, tell them, tell them now what they are worth. Tell them that they deserve to be treated like the queens they are, show them, ladies by how you treat yourselves and men by how you treat the women in your life.




A-fucking- men

And, yes, I DO tell my daughters all those things never told to me.....because I KNOW it makes a difference.

Excellent post/points, Ella :bow:


----------



## exile in thighville

Ella Bella said:


> Gonna go out on a limb here and if anyone feels the need to throw rocks go ahead...
> 
> I think that a woman who allows herself to be dated by a "closeted fa" (basically movies at your house, then fucking after) but not dated publicly does so because she has low self esteem. Otherwise why would she allow herself to be treated that way? I think that in turn, that low self esteem of said woman, allows the man to feel he doesn't need to date a fat woman publicly. Why would he? He can fuck one privately and have the barbie on his arm to look cool to all his friends.
> 
> So its cyclical (sp?) and until fat women, all women really, know their own worth and demand to be treated how they deserve then this kind of thing will continue. What do you think would happen if a guy tried this crap for the first time with a woman who wasn't gonna stand for it? Then the next woman wouldn't take it either, and so on and so on. Eventually they'd have to grow up, and be a man. That or just continue to date barbie and be happy with the 30 pounds she's probably going to eventually gain when she gets older...
> 
> So those of you out there with daughters, tell them, tell them now what they are worth. Tell them that they deserve to be treated like the queens they are, show them, ladies by how you treat yourselves and men by how you treat the women in your life.



does this happen though? people tend to find out this shit _after _they've begun dating


----------



## Visceria

A few months ago an FA courted me. Really charmed me up for a few weeks. I really started to trust him, and come out of my shell for a change. But it became pretty clear suddenly that he wanted the goods without ever introducing me to his friends, or even friending me on facebook. 
What am I supposed to feel? Like an embarrassing object in your closet you take out when no one is looking? 

So if you are a closeted FA... stay the closet if you want. But don't drag girls like me in there with you. Because it really hurts.



...when I told him that I don't want to the the secret sex thing, he cut it off. I kind of miss him.


----------



## LillyBBBW

exile in thighville said:


> does this happen though? people tend to find out this shit _after _they've begun dating





Visceria said:


> A few months ago an FA courted me. Really charmed me up for a few weeks. I really started to trust him, and come out of my shell for a change. But it became pretty clear suddenly that he wanted the goods without ever introducing me to his friends, or even friending me on facebook.
> What am I supposed to feel? Like an embarrassing object in your closet you take out when no one is looking?
> 
> So if you are a closeted FA... stay the closet if you want. But don't drag girls like me in there with you. Because it really hurts.
> 
> 
> 
> ...when I told him that I don't want to the the secret sex thing, he cut it off. I kind of miss him.



I agree. That's how it happened for me. I'm sorry you went through that Visceria. I promise, the feeling goes away. You don't need him chipping away from you a piece at a time.

Basically I think that's what people are trying to say here. Sure we understand it's not easy but due to the nature of the issue BBWs can't empathise. We can't be patient with you, we can't understand you, we can't hang in there with you because it is physically and emotionally harmful to us. It's something you as FAs have to work out on your own. Generally speaking nobody should get involved with a fixer upper anyway. People sometimes do it and it works out but these are the exeptions and not the rule. You should be a whole person not dependent.


----------



## GWARrior

all this closet talk really got me thinking. and now i need to come out.

I like guys with long hair. Once, I was seeing this guy who had long hair, but we never went out in public together. i was too embarassed.

but last night i sat my parents down and finally told them that i like long-haired dudes.


:bow:


----------



## LillyBBBW

GWARrior said:


> all this closet talk really got me thinking. and now i need to come out.
> 
> I like guys with long hair. Once, I was seeing this guy who had long hair, but we never went out in public together. i was too embarassed.
> 
> but last night i sat my parents down and finally told them that i like long-haired dudes.
> 
> 
> :bow:



Eeew, you like long hair dudes. I hearded that long hair dudes don't take showers.


----------



## ladle

Damn it's terribly cramped in here! 

View attachment DSC_0703_2.jpg


----------



## mossystate

ladle said:


> Damn it's terribly cramped in here!




If you are handing that shirt to a fat woman to wash and iron...I will hunt you down and hurt you.


----------



## bmann0413

ladle said:


> Damn it's terribly cramped in here!



Hah! Awesomeness...


----------



## ladle

mossystate said:


> If you are handing that shirt to a fat woman to wash and iron...I will hunt you down and hurt you.



I am a male...living alone....what the hell is washing and ironing?


----------



## mossystate

ladle said:


> I am a male...living alone....what the hell is washing and ironing?



That was really the wrong answer. *L*


----------



## mergirl

GWARrior said:


> all this closet talk really got me thinking. and now i need to come out.
> 
> I like guys with long hair. Once, I was seeing this guy who had long hair, but we never went out in public together. i was too embarassed.
> 
> but last night i sat my parents down and finally told them that i like long-haired dudes.
> 
> 
> :bow:


You are sick!! frankly i never would have guessed this!! i hear there are camps you can go to to de-program this ..i can only describe 'fetish' you have! ..
i guess i'm open minded enough to accept, maby, that you like guys with long hair but please just dont rub it in my face!!
thank you!


----------



## abel

I'm actually fine mentioning my tastes per se. My close friends know.

The thing that makes me nervous is that my wife is slender. While she _sort of _understands that I like fat pear-shaped women, if she knew the _degree _to which this was true I think she'd be hurt.

Apart from close friends and her I find that conversation about physical matters relating to women takes place a lot less as you get older, so the topic of "what's your type" just doesn't crop up. People just want to talk about finance.


----------



## mergirl

I think if you supress a desire it turns into a fetish and/or obsession. Its like if you decide you are on a diet and decide that you CANT eat chocolate..its probs going to be the only thing you can think about doing, ever!
So my sexuality analogy is 'Eat the fucking chocolate!.. and if you eat it in bed while no-one is looking it COUNTS!!!'
ok, enough of bad analogies! 
one last thing..'share the chocolate with friends and family.. its too good not to'


----------



## mergirl

MisticalMisty said:


> I don't buy that. Sorry.
> 
> There are just as many skinny girls with self esteem issues as there are fat girls. It doesn't matter if there's an empowered role model present or not.
> 
> I'm not doubting that a woman wants to feel desirable, at all. I love it when a guy thinks I'm sexy. However, I know that not every man is going to find me hot and sexy..and well that's ok. At the end of the day, the important thing is that I think I'm the bee's knee.


Actually, i read a study about desire the other day. It said that men want to desire women and women want men to desire them. (this was kinna it in a nutshell..though some of it was kinna boring). I think it is a fundemental 'urge' for women to be desired, which is why they become so enflamed when they feel they are not being. Men, seem to be better (in most cases) at dusting themselves down and not taking it so personally. 
I in many cases it boils down to a male/female dynamic. Perhaps people who dont find themselves attractive attract less mates because they give off a sense that they will reject advances, which in turn makes it harder for those who are attracted to them to admit to it or 'make moves'.
I find it interesting, that the Gay male community has a VERY vibrant Bear/chaser community. I know a LOT of gay male 'Chubby chasers' in my real life, they go to 'Bear nights' which are very often..in fact they dont even need a 'night' because it is something that is very much accepted in the gay community as normal.
Ive always thought the gay scene is a great indicatior of what society would be like if they were just open with thier sexuality.
I find it interesting also that Female Fa's are very rarely 'in the closet' about thier attraction to big guys either...
So this really does beg the question ..why do hetrosexual men feel the need to hide this?
The whole media prefering thin women hypothesus doesnt really work because the gay scene usually favours the rent boy chique look. The bears/chasers are a moinority but they are a large one with a big voice...
its interesting..
Why do i know LOTS of bear/chasers in real life and a bi-fatual woman.. but i know no hetrosexual male ones? I actually have a lot of hetrosexual male friends, more than gay friends, so its not that..
I think if we scratch beneath the surface there will be reasons other than the ones that keep resurfacing.. but in order to scratch the surface, first, we need to stop scratching each others eyes out!


----------



## butch

Ella Bella said:


> So those of you out there with daughters, tell them, tell them now what they are worth. Tell them that they deserve to be treated like the queens they are, show them, ladies by how you treat yourselves and men by how you treat the women in your life.



Yes! I never ever heard anything like this growing up, and on top of that my own parents projected their hate of their fat bodies onto me, and their most potent weapon in creating self-loathing tendencies in their child was to tell their child that "no one's going to love you if you're fat." 

Needless to say, I'm no poster child for confident fattie dating.


----------



## ladle

Woke up this morning...had a huge lot of rep added for that pic up there....
I get repped more for a 'joke' pic than I do for my serious photography!
Unbelievable.....haha


----------



## altered states

ladle said:


> Woke up this morning...had a huge lot of rep added for that pic up there....
> I get repped more for a 'joke' pic than I do for my serious photography!
> Unbelievable.....haha



I KNOW people aren't repping you for the shirt itself....

(joke)


----------



## ladle

tres huevos said:


> I KNOW people aren't repping you for the shirt itself....
> 
> (joke)



But the lady in the store said I looked hot in it......HEY...wait a minute...
You are telling me she just said that to get the sale?


----------



## Fuzzy Necromancer

> Actually, i read a study about desire the other day. It said that men want to desire women and women want men to desire them. (this was kinna it in a nutshell..though some of it was kinna boring). I think it is a fundemental 'urge' for women to be desired, which is why they become so enflamed when they feel they are not being. Men, seem to be better (in most cases) at dusting themselves down and not taking it so personally.



I don't think it's a fundamental urge. I think it's a social construct.

Society teaches us that women are the objects of desire, and men are the ones who desire others. In romantic subplots, the guy always ends up with a coventionally attractive girl, but the girl usually has to accept the guy for his abstract qualities. Girls are encouraged to look purdy. Guys are encouraged to screw a lot of girls. 

Everyone has desires, and everyone wants to be wanted.


----------



## altered states

ladle said:


> But the lady in the store said I looked hot in it......HEY...wait a minute...
> You are telling me she just said that to get the sale?



Hey, maybe it looks good on you.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

exile in thighville said:


> does this happen though? people tend to find out this shit _after _they've begun dating



I think sometimes it does, but that's why at the end I said parents should tell their daughters what they are worth. I firmly believe that a girl who knows her worth, and knows it from an early age is less likely to take whatever is handed to her in life.


----------



## mergirl

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> I don't think it's a fundamental urge. I think it's a social construct.
> 
> Society teaches us that women are the objects of desire, and men are the ones who desire others. In romantic subplots, the guy always ends up with a coventionally attractive girl, but the girl usually has to accept the guy for his abstract qualities. Girls are encouraged to look purdy. Guys are encouraged to screw a lot of girls.
> 
> Everyone has desires, and everyone wants to be wanted.


No, it was a fundamental urge. Not to go into too much detail (i will) but the men and women had probes attached to their genitals to find out if they were being honest about what they said turned them on from the videos they were shown. Basically women found most things a turn on even when their brains told them they didnt..(including watching two bonibo apes fucking actually). To cut a long test short, women desired desire itself and being desired whereas men only desired what they saw. It was an actual physiological construct which is probs something residully evolutionary.. i agree that much of mating conduct can be socially conducted but the means are usually inate. It is not a social construct that women look for abstract (good homebuilders, good parenting skills, good genetics) in males and men look for looks and want to fuck lots! Think of the ratio of sperm to eggs!


----------



## LillyBBBW

ladle said:


> Woke up this morning...had a huge lot of rep added for that pic up there....
> I get repped more for a 'joke' pic than I do for my serious photography!
> Unbelievable.....haha



You think THAT'S something, post a naked picture. Wisdom from the depths of the soul - nothing. Stick your bare hairy ass in front of a camera and paste it on the board - avalanche of Rep.


----------



## maxmm

Visceria said:


> A few months ago an FA courted me. Really charmed me up for a few weeks. I really started to trust him, and come out of my shell for a change. But it became pretty clear suddenly that he wanted the goods without ever introducing me to his friends, or even friending me on facebook.
> What am I supposed to feel? Like an embarrassing object in your closet you take out when no one is looking?
> 
> So if you are a closeted FA... stay the closet if you want. But don't drag girls like me in there with you. Because it really hurts.
> 
> 
> 
> ...when I told him that I don't want to the the secret sex thing, he cut it off. I kind of miss him.



I'm really sorry to hear that. I always hate to hear about this type of behavior and it seems all too common, from what I can tell.

I'm sure someone more appropriate will find you.

Someone in the closet probably has personality issues that could cause more problems later on. Perhaps the closet is a way to filter out the pussies that aren't worth dating anyway? Make the best of it.


----------



## ladle

LillyBBBW said:


> You think THAT'S something, post a naked picture. Wisdom from the depths of the soul - nothing. Stick your bare hairy ass in front of a camera and paste it on the board - avalanche of Rep.



Hmmm....something tells me this WOULD NOT be a good idea....


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

olwen said:


> I believe that a lot of us have been honest as well. There's a difference between disrespect and righteous anger. How can we be disrespectful to people who continue to be disrespectful to other fatties? Respect has to be given before it comes back.
> 
> They should be so lucky that we've all probably held back a certain level of anger and that we have given polite, eloquent, and well thought out answers. This thread could have been a real shit storm of massive proportions, and in my opinion it hasn't been.




Actually this thread has turned into another "my victimization is worse than yours" thread. I really hate these kinds of threads because they unnecessarily pit the FAs vs the BBWs.

FAs do have legitimate issues adn this is the forum to deal with them. I am not going to defend the closeted individuals. But then, I am blessed to live in a tolerant area of the country and to have friends and family who are largely tolerant. A lot of people--even some in my area--do not have that blessing.

I don't agree with closeted behavior but I think we need to treat everyone here with respect.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

James said:


> I think that if a web forum such as dims can have a broad enough brush to include a GLTQ-specific forum and a private super-size forum then a forum for FA issues (which keep getting brought back up ad infinitum) should be a no-brainer. Thats just my opinion. I appreciate the counter-argument that the whole of dims is an FA board. I just think there are a whole suite of issues that would get better resolution if a specific space was set aside for tackling them and offering support.



Moderators, please take note of the above post. FAs need to have a board on this forum so they can discuss issues relating to being an FA. Such a board would serve as a cybernetic safe space in which the FAs could discuss their issues without being flamed and attacked.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

jewels_mystery said:


> I don't understand it either. If closeted FA's are confused, stay by yourself. As a BBW who has dated several closeted FA's, it was a mind fuck I could have done without. Maybe the reason why so many of us suffer from self esteem issues is because we are dealing with men who haven't grown up enough to be proud of their preferences.



I want to reiterate what Misty said. Your self esteem should come from yourself, not from a man. The reason why so many BBWs have self esteem issues is because they already hate themselves even before a man comes into the picture. 

At the same time, I will say that the men need to be honest with themselves about the women they love. Honesty is refreshing. It saves drama, headaches and heartaches.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

cinnamitch said:


> Just because you dont "buy that" does not mean it it isn't an issue. Women can be as strong as they need to be and hell yes we have to be . But i am not going to give a free pass to some asshole who thinks its ok to fuck a fattie as long as we keep it his little secret. You can even take self esteem out of it if you want to, it boils down to simple respect. Why do i have to accept that someone can use bad , disrespectful behavior with me and it then becomes my responsibility to make sure my self esteem remains intact while he goes on his merry way with " aww thats just how some men are" wafting in the breeze . If a dude wants a fat chick he needs to decide what is the most important to him and then either shit or get off the pot.



And I shall retort: No one can take your self-esteem away from you. Self-esteem is something that you either have or lack. If a man refuses to acknowledge a woman as his partner, she should leave him in the dust, keep moving on without breaking a sweat, and just brush it off. 

There is no man/woman in this world who is worth fighting over. I have associated in 3 offline BBW groups and I have seen a lot of backstabbing among the women because they all are desperate to be with a man. At the end of the day, ladies/men, everyone has to remember one thing. Although everyone may not find you madly attractive, there are hundreds of millions of people to choose from. There is one person for you. Don't give up. 

You don't have to lower your standards or settle for less.


----------



## TraciJo67

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> And I shall retort: No one can take your self-esteem away from you. Self-esteem is something that you either have or lack. If a man refuses to acknowledge a woman as his partner, she should leave him in the dust, keep moving on without breaking a sweat, and just brush it off.
> 
> There is no man/woman in this world who is worth fighting over. I have associated in 3 offline BBW groups and I have seen a lot of backstabbing among the women because they all are desperate to be with a man. At the end of the day, ladies/men, everyone has to remember one thing. Although everyone may not find you madly attractive, there are hundreds of millions of people to choose from. There is one person for you. Don't give up.
> 
> You don't have to lower your standards or settle for less.



Did you just feel a breeze whoosh by you?

Everything that you just said, I agree with. However, it in no way negates the post that you're attempting to rebut. Both are stand-alone.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

Ella Bella said:


> Gonna go out on a limb here and if anyone feels the need to throw rocks go ahead...
> 
> I think that a woman who allows herself to be dated by a "closeted fa" (basically movies at your house, then fucking after) but not dated publicly does so because she has low self esteem. Otherwise why would she allow herself to be treated that way? I think that in turn, that low self esteem of said woman, allows the man to feel he doesn't need to date a fat woman publicly. Why would he? He can fuck one privately and have the barbie on his arm to look cool to all his friends.
> 
> So its cyclical (sp?) and until fat women, all women really, know their own worth and demand to be treated how they deserve then this kind of thing will continue. What do you think would happen if a guy tried this crap for the first time with a woman who wasn't gonna stand for it? Then the next woman wouldn't take it either, and so on and so on. Eventually they'd have to grow up, and be a man. That or just continue to date barbie and be happy with the 30 pounds she's probably going to eventually gain when she gets older...
> 
> So those of you out there with daughters, tell them, tell them now what they are worth. Tell them that they deserve to be treated like the queens they are, show them, ladies by how you treat yourselves and men by how you treat the women in your life.



I agree strongly. If your date does not want to be seen with you in public, dump that person as if he/she was yesterday's trash and keep on moving. 

There is a worthwhile person out there for you.


----------



## cinnamitch

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> And I shall retort: No one can take your self-esteem away from you. Self-esteem is something that you either have or lack. If a man refuses to acknowledge a woman as his partner, she should leave him in the dust, keep moving on without breaking a sweat, and just brush it off.
> 
> There is no man/woman in this world who is worth fighting over. I have associated in 3 offline BBW groups and I have seen a lot of backstabbing among the women because they all are desperate to be with a man. At the end of the day, ladies/men, everyone has to remember one thing. Although everyone may not find you madly attractive, there are hundreds of millions of people to choose from. There is one person for you. Don't give up.
> 
> You don't have to lower your standards or settle for less.



Oh i dont agree . There are people in this world worth fighting over. For someone i love i would fight anyone who even attempted to wound them in any way. I want the same for me. That is not a self esteem issue, it is an issue of respect. If we as women continue to accept being kept as a little secret then how will we ever have respect? You say no one can take our self esteem away, our worth, our value. Yet men who stay in the closet are letting peers, relatives and society do that to them by telling them they are losers for being with the fat chick. Why are you not telling them the same thing? Why is it on the womens shoulders to make it work either by acceptance or at least shutting up about it so we can continue in the same old way? I'm sorry for the young men who struggle with this, but as a fat girl i have struggled every day to fit in and by God if i have to deal with this big ol bad world then so should they. Life isn't easy and sometimes it downright sucks, but in the end if you find someone who makes that sucky day just a little more bearable, don't you think it was a little silly to be afraid of coming out of that dark old closet?


----------



## GWARrior

I just really think the whole closeted vs. uncloseted FA thing a whole bunch of bullshit. 

Its no one's goddamn business if you like fat chicks. Its like FAs that "come out" want a fucking medal or something. NO ONE CARES. And if they do, then they'e idiots.

FAs like fat chicks.
I like long haired dudes.
My BFF likes gay men.
My brother likes skinny chicks.
My other BFF likes frat boys.
My boss likes country singers.
My dad likes blonds.
My friend likes big guys.

BIG. FUCKING. DEAL.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

GWARrior said:


> I just really think the whole closeted vs. uncloseted FA thing a whole bunch of bullshit.
> 
> Its no one's goddamn business if you like fat chicks. Its like FAs that "come out" want a fucking medal or something. NO ONE CARES. And if they do, then they'e idiots.
> 
> FAs like fat chicks.
> I like long haired dudes.
> My BFF likes gay men.
> My brother likes skinny chicks.
> My other BFF likes frat boys.
> My boss likes country singers.
> My dad likes blonds.
> My friend likes big guys.
> 
> BIG. FUCKING. DEAL.



Thank you! That was very well said!


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

cinnamitch said:


> Oh i dont agree . There are people in this world worth fighting over. For someone i love i would fight anyone who even attempted to wound them in any way. I want the same for me. That is not a self esteem issue, it is an issue of respect. If we as women continue to accept being kept as a little secret then how will we ever have respect? You say no one can take our self esteem away, our worth, our value. Yet men who stay in the closet are letting peers, relatives and society do that to them by telling them they are losers for being with the fat chick. Why are you not telling them the same thing? Why is it on the womens shoulders to make it work either by acceptance or at least shutting up about it so we can continue in the same old way? I'm sorry for the young men who struggle with this, but as a fat girl i have struggled every day to fit in and by God if i have to deal with this big ol bad world then so should they. Life isn't easy and sometimes it downright sucks, but in the end if you find someone who makes that sucky day just a little more bearable, don't you think it was a little silly to be afraid of coming out of that dark old closet?




You are confusing what I was explaining. So I will clarify. Self-esteem is internal. It is how you feel about yourself. Your self-image starts and ends with you. No one can give you self-esteem. No one can take it away. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." If you hate yourself, you will be like those people I mentioned earlier who debase themselves sexually, emotionally and spiritually just to settle for someone of low quality. How you see yourself is something that starts with you. 

Status in the eyes of others is external. You have some control over this but not as much control as you have over your self-image. 

I never suggested that women should accept being kept secret. I will reiterate that any woman who is being kept a secret should leave the man and not look back.


----------



## olwen

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Actually this thread has turned into another "my victimization is worse than yours" thread. I really hate these kinds of threads because they unnecessarily pit the FAs vs the BBWs.
> 
> FAs do have legitimate issues adn this is the forum to deal with them. I am not going to defend the closeted individuals. But then, I am blessed to live in a tolerant area of the country and to have friends and family who are largely tolerant. A lot of people--even some in my area--do not have that blessing.
> 
> I don't agree with closeted behavior but I think we need to treat everyone here with respect.



You're right this is a public forum and dealing with the issues means hearing about how what they do affects the people they do it too. If they don't like it, they can just turn off the computer. It's not my job to hold their hands and pat them on the head and tell them everything will be okay and absolve them of their guilt, and lead them on the path to acceptance. Asking me to respect and tolerate this kind of bullshit behavior is like asking me to take an ax to my own limbs. Ain't gonna happen. You're asking for too much, and frankly, the more I hear this request, the more offended and I'm becoming. Go ask them to treat us with respect instead of asking me to tolerate not being respected. 

It's probably better for those young and confused FAs to get help from other FAs. The best any closeted FA will get out of me is a promise to not show them the true level of disgust I feel about it. That's all the sugar coating they're gonna get from me for now.


----------



## olwen

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> You are confusing what I was explaining. So I will clarify. Self-esteem is internal. It is how you feel about yourself. Your self-image starts and ends with you. No one can give you self-esteem. No one can take it away. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." If you hate yourself, you will be like those people I mentioned earlier who debase themselves sexually, emotionally and spiritually just to settle for someone of low quality. How you see yourself is something that starts with you.
> 
> Status in the eyes of others is external. You have some control over this but not as much control as you have over your self-image.
> 
> I never suggested that women should accept being kept secret. I will reiterate that any woman who is being kept a secret should leave the man and not look back.



I don't think she was confused at all. I rather read something similar into what you said. The question is why aren't closeted FAs being accused of having low self esteem at the same level of blame as bbws and being asked to get with the program? Clearly that is the case and yet here we are....it's true, if we as children, and as women were told from the get go that we should expect more out of life that such behavior would be harder to get away with, but you know we live in that same world as those closeted FAs who feel the need to hide and who get away with it. We can't hide from ourselves tho the way they can. Eventually we have no choice but to develop a sense of self esteem and learn to take what we want out of life or we'll just sit around and never leave the house and never have a life.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Hmmmm something is out of place here....does loving myself mean I have to embrace assholes that would say they are ashamed to be seen with me? 

Who said any of the women here are getting their self esteem from men? That's one hell of an arrogant thought process...the same kind of thought process that makes some people think it's okay to dump on others.

Closeted FAs = potential abusers/abusers

Fuck em- I ain't embracing shit


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

olwen said:


> I don't think she was confused at all. I rather read something similar into what you said. *The question is why aren't closeted FAs being accused of having low self esteem at the same level of blame as bbws and being asked to get with the program?* Clearly that is the case and yet here we are....it's true, if we as children, and as women were told from the get go that we should expect more out of life that such behavior would be harder to get away with, but you know we live in that same world as those closeted FAs who feel the need to hide and who get away with it. We can't hide from ourselves tho the way they can. Eventually we have no choice but to develop a sense of self esteem and learn to take what we want out of life or we'll just sit around and never leave the house and never have a life.



Amen sister- they aren't any better than anyone else- tow the same damn line as the rest of us or get out of the line. Enough said. 

I have ZERO compassion for them....I *learned *to have ZERO compassion for abusive, selfish assholes when I finally got some self esteem. Everyone else can muster it up for them if they want, but I'm not buying into that big crock of shit myself. 

Man the fuck up- ON YOUR OWN. Just like I'm supposed to learn confidence ON MY OWN.


----------



## swordchick

Yes!!!! Thank you for this.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Hmmmm something is out of place here....does loving myself mean I have to embrace assholes that would say they are ashamed to be seen with me?
> 
> Who said any of the women here are getting their self esteem from men? That's one hell of an arrogant thought process...the same kind of thought process that makes some people think it's okay to dump on others.
> 
> Closeted FAs = potential abusers/abusers
> 
> Fuck em- I ain't embracing shit


----------



## James

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Moderators, please take note of the above post. FAs need to have a board on this forum so they can discuss issues relating to being an FA. Such a board would serve as a cybernetic safe space in which the FAs could discuss their issues without being flamed and attacked.


 
Thanks  Should such a safe space ever be created, I'd be more than happy to help out with it in any way I could (be it as a mod or just a positive contributor). I'm sure everyone would like to see more FAs that are 'out' and 'functional' with their preference? Not least the closet FAs themselves! Living a dual existence is not a fulfilling way to live one's life after all...


----------



## Haunted

James said:


> Thanks  Should such a safe space ever be created, I'd be more than happy to help out with it in any way I could (be it as a mod or just a positive contributor). I'm sure everyone would like to see more FAs that are 'out' and 'functional' with their preference? Not least the closet FAs themselves! Living a dual existence is not a fulfilling way to live one's life after all...



Ditto Ditto


----------



## tonynyc

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Amen sister- they aren't any better than anyone else- tow the same damn line as the rest of us or get out of the line. Enough said.
> 
> I have ZERO compassion for them....I *learned *to have ZERO compassion for abusive, selfish assholes when I finally got some self esteem. Everyone else can muster it up for them if they want, but I'm not buying into that big crock of shit myself.
> 
> Man the fuck up- ON YOUR OWN. Just like I'm supposed to learn confidence ON MY OWN.




*
I wonder if the impatience of closeted FA's (hate that term) is due to the fact that we have so many options in the internet era that we live as well dances and other venues to attend that didn't exist in the past. 

I'm glad that I've reached a stage in my life that I am happy about my preference for BBW/SSBBW. 

However, consider this scenario... if a BBW posted on the Boards for the first time and she had self-esteem issues most of the posters (rightly so )would be quite supportive. It's a different scenario. 

Now granted you have some "Low Esteemed FAs" that are assholes;but, let's give the benefit of the doubt. Each case as others have said is different. What of the sincere guy that does need help?
*



James said:


> Thanks  Should such a safe space ever be created, I'd be more than happy to help out with it in any way I could (be it as a mod or just a positive contributor). I'm sure everyone would like to see more FAs that are 'out' and 'functional' with their preference? Not least the closet FAs themselves! Living a dual existence is not a fulfilling way to live one's life after all...



I agree - safe place should exist for those that need the guidance.


----------



## mossystate

I think BBW's should also be given a safe space. For every confused FA, there is at _least_ one BBW who is told to simply put on a sexy outfit and get some confidence...oh, and that she is wonderful just the way she is and rainbows and unicorns are hers for the asking. Having an SSBBW forum is not including a huge chunk of women who are on Dimensions.

Would be a very strong and negative message to BBW, if we/they do not also get a place in which to exhale, tell their stories, and get advice and guidance.

Nobody owns ' flaming ' out here.


----------



## wrestlingguy

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Moderators, please take note of the above post. FAs need to have a board on this forum so they can discuss issues relating to being an FA. Such a board would serve as a cybernetic safe space in which the FAs could discuss their issues without being flamed and attacked.



Agreed, as long as the issues didn't involve being a dick in any way.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Any FA/BBW couple who'd like to represent should totally take a picture of themselves making out in an actual closet so it can be captioned with THE ONLY REASON AN FA SHOULD BE IN THE CLOSET.

That'd get the point across rather well.


----------



## indy500tchr

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Any FA/BBW couple who'd like to represent should totally take a picture of themselves making out in an actual closet so it can be captioned with THE ONLY REASON AN FA SHOULD BE IN THE CLOSET.
> 
> That'd get the point across rather well.



You wanna volunteer?


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

indy500tchr said:


> You wanna volunteer?



It takes two for this project. So, I've been handing out this business card, to you know, find candidates. Information for where to apply at bottom of card.


----------



## indy500tchr

BothGunsBlazing said:


> It takes two for this project. So, I've been handing out this business card, to you know, find candidates. Information for where to apply at bottom of card.



Well I haven't gotten one of those *sad face*


----------



## mergirl

GWARrior said:


> I just really think the whole closeted vs. uncloseted FA thing a whole bunch of bullshit.
> 
> Its no one's goddamn business if you like fat chicks. Its like FAs that "come out" want a fucking medal or something. NO ONE CARES. And if they do, then they'e idiots.
> 
> FAs like fat chicks.
> I like long haired dudes.
> My BFF likes gay men.
> My brother likes skinny chicks.
> My other BFF likes frat boys.
> My boss likes country singers.
> My dad likes blonds.
> My friend likes big guys.
> 
> BIG. FUCKING. DEAL.


Does the whole of the media focus on:
Cutting long haired guys hair short?
Making gay men straight?
Making skinny chicks fatter?
Making frat boys less fratty!!?
making country singers less 'country'?
Turning Blondes into brunettes?

No. They do however have a plethora of weightloss tales and a million and one reasons for us as to why we should be less fat and more skinny cause thats the way we are supposedly 'ment' to be.
This is why it IS a big fucking deal, to Fa's and Fat people alike.
We are led much of the time by society, no matter how much we rage against that fact.


----------



## LillyBBBW

BothGunsBlazing said:


> It takes two for this project. So, I've been handing out this business card, to you know, find candidates. Information for where to apply at bottom of card.



Toss in some business cards that say, "BGB's Dirty Little Secret," along with a web address and that's a full package.


----------



## TraciJo67

We need a Mossy forum for all things Mossy. I firmly believe this.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

tonynyc said:


> *
> 
> However, consider this scenario... if a BBW posted on the Boards for the first time and she had self-esteem issues most of the posters (rightly so )would be quite supportive. It's a different scenario.
> *


*

This is just not the same as someone feeling embarassed of being seen with someone else.

I wouldn't have a problem with an FA with low self esteem, I'd feel bad for him/her and hope that they reach a spot in their life where they know their worth. But low self esteem and being embarassed of another HUMAN being is a totally different story, its called selfishness. Wanting to be involved with someone because you find them sexually attractive but your involvment ends on the other side of the front door because God forbid you be seen with them out in public, someone might make fun of you after all is just not cool. 

I don't expect for my S/O to walk around telling any stranger he sees "Hey I just dig fat chicks" but what I do expect from him is that he be as affectionate with me in public as he is at home. Obviously he is, otherwise there would be no relationship.

I do agree that there should maybe be a boys club, I believe that guys need their guy time and its hard to have that here where all the girls can see.*


----------



## GWARrior

mergirl said:


> Does the whole of the media focus on:
> Cutting long haired guys hair short?
> Making gay men straight?
> Making skinny chicks fatter?
> Making frat boys less fratty!!?
> making country singers less 'country'?
> Turning Blondes into brunettes?



yes they do actually. There are plenty of makeover shows where anyone that goes on is changed. Blondes become brunette. Long hair gets cut. Hillbillys become classy. Hellooo Queer Eye!

Sure, I havent seen a show where the object is to change one's sexuality, but Im sure it'll happen someday.


----------



## LalaCity

sorry, double post.


----------



## LalaCity

As I said before, I understand the need for a "safe space" for FAs to come out of the closet -- but I don't think the main board is a good place for it, as Dims is a site mainly devoted to the positive aspects of fatness; it's a safe haven for people of size -- men and women, both -- to socialize and receive affirmation and support from the community of fat people and admirers alike. So it kind of defeats the purpose to come here and see a board overflowing with threads about how difficult it is to overcome the social shame of admiring fat people.

I suppose some sort of FA support board is in order, but I'll go ahead and voice the concern that I, as a woman, have toward such a board existing -- it could easily devolve into a certain level of genial misogyny, if certain rules aren't abided. I'm referring to remarks like "Hey man -- don't get beaten down by the hen-pecking shrews that dominate the boards these days," etc. Since those remarks pop up with distressing regularity on the "co-ed" boards as it is, I can envision an FA board having a distinct problem in that regard.

Even if I never saw those kind of comments it would sadden me if that attitude were to become an entrenched part of the forum. The fact that we have some female FAs who might want to take part in the discussion is helpful, but I still would be wary of a one-sided point of view becoming too dominant.

I'd personally suggest that such a board, were it approved by our Webmaster, be a sub-forum of the main board, viewable to everyone, but with the express purpose that it is a _protected_ forum for beginning FAs, a safe space explicitly and rigorously enforced by FA mods who will take on the responsibility to gently guide new guys away from the de-humanizing language (which I realize they use unwittingly or from a lack of familiarity with the SA movement) that will get them in deep trouble on the rest of the boards...I don't know, this is what's rattling around in my head...any thoughts? Am I being too bossy and demanding by wanting it to be viewable by the general community -- by suggesting that the guys can't "play nice" or be respectful if left to their own devices?...Or am I just stirring up a hornet's nest by even bringing this up again?


----------



## mergirl

GWARrior said:


> yes they do actually. There are plenty of makeover shows where anyone that goes on is changed. Blondes become brunette. Long hair gets cut. Hillbillys become classy. Hellooo Queer Eye!
> 
> Sure, I havent seen a show where the object is to change one's sexuality, but Im sure it'll happen someday.


I'm talking about the WHOLE of the media not just a small sub section. The front cover of every womans magazine screams 'lose weight this way or that way', "Some famous person got fat, whats wrong with them?" plus there are about a billion diet mags, shows etc about losing weight. The fucked up thing is.. no one questions it!!?? As i said before fat bashing is the last bastian of socially acceptable bigotry. You just dont see shows "Lets white up this black person cause obviously you dont want to be black" or "Lets make this person straight cause you obviously dont want to be gay".. But the "Lets make this fat person thin cause obviously you dont want to be fat" shows are never off tv! .. Ok actually i did see a show where gay people are taken to a christian camp to be de-gayed.. but that was VERY unusual.


----------



## mossystate

TraciJo67 said:


> We need a Mossy forum for all things Mossy. I firmly believe this.




If that were not laced with so much sarcasm...I might hire someone to kiss you.

* jingle-jangles the 36 cents in my pocket *


----------



## TraciJo67

mossystate said:


> If that were not laced with so much sarcasm...I might hire someone to kiss you.
> 
> * jingle-jangles the 36 cents in my pocket *



Hon, you'd need that 36 cents times a gazillion PLUS a company of highly trained Marines holding the subject down in order to get THAT job done 

See? I can direct sarcasm internally, too. I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR, DAMN IT. I really doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


----------



## mergirl

LalaCity said:


> As I said before, I understand the need for a "safe space" for FAs to come out of the closet -- but I don't think the main board is a good place for it, as Dims is a site mainly devoted to the positive aspects of fatness; it's a safe haven for people of size -- men and women, both -- to socialize and receive affirmation and support from the community of fat people and admirers alike. So it kind of defeats the purpose to come here and see a board overflowing with threads about how difficult it is to overcome the social shame of admiring fat people.



You know Lala, When i posted this thred i (stupidly) thought there would be a few 'closeted' Fa's stories about why they find it hard to 'come out' and not the thing this has become. The reason i posted is because i find it so extremely difficult to understand why anyone would find being an 'out and proud Fa' so difficult but it seemed that there were quite a few who DID find it difficult. To be honest in one way as this post has progressed i have felt sorry that i posted in the first place because i would never wish to make anyone feel bad about themselves and as you have stated this post clearly has made you feel bad. On the other hand, i am of the oppinion that if things are discussed, no matter how scary or hurtful that we can learn a lot from the ideas which flow from the discussions..This normally happens after the initial Flamewar of course. Maby the main board wasnt the place for this, but then i'm not sure where is.. Do we just cover our ears and say "lalalalala" while these issues are creating an undercurrent of strained feelings and suspicions here or do we discuss them?
I understand that a lot of fat people come here as a means of 'escapism' so perhaps the next time a sensitive thread like this comes up we should have some sort of warning. Personally i see dims both as a space for fat people and Fa's to feel at home and unthreatened but also as somewhere where the real issues affecting fat people and Fa's can be discussed. 
Maby if there were an Fa board i would have discussed this there instead. (Though i think in this case the imput of fat people is really important) Maby this is an issue that wont ever change till society does, though we have a black president so i'm ever hopeful. 
Rememeber for every Fa who is frightened to 'come out' there are hundreds that would love to walk down the street with their partner wearing a t-shirt saying 'this hotty is with me!'
Anyway, i'm sorry if this post has made anyone feel shit, especially fat people because that really wasnt my intention. I am just always looking for a greater understanding of the things i just dont get.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

tonynyc said:


> *
> I wonder if the impatience of closeted FA's (hate that term) is due to the fact that we have so many options in the internet era that we live as well dances and other venues to attend that didn't exist in the past.
> 
> I'm glad that I've reached a stage in my life that I am happy about my preference for BBW/SSBBW.
> 
> However, consider this scenario... if a BBW posted on the Boards for the first time and she had self-esteem issues most of the posters (rightly so )would be quite supportive. It's a different scenario.
> 
> Now granted you have some "Low Esteemed FAs" that are assholes;but, let's give the benefit of the doubt. Each case as others have said is different. What of the sincere guy that does need help?
> *
> 
> I agree - safe place should exist for those that need the guidance.




Actually Tony, not all BBWs are allowed to come here and get full support they are looking for. Some...but not all. I won't give an example of a thread that it happened in....but I did ask the question then of why we weren't rousing to support an insecure BBW like so many here think we should support the closet people? A lot of people let me know that they agreed with my question/opinion......

Fat people and Closet admirers are not the same...there IS a strong difference between being who you are and people not liking you for it from a person that simply is ashamed of what they want out of life. Yes? So I'm not even seeing the comparisons people keep trying to make myself......

I can agree that "not all are created equal" as in it's an individual basis type deal. However, don't most people understand right from wrong? Don't most people understand that it's NOT okay to lie, be deceitful, pretend to like someone......when what they really feel is disdain, shame or even hatred? So if some people CHOOSE to go ahead and hurt others for their wants, then it's selfishness, arrogance, and complete disregard for the well being of another human. I'm not supporting that type of behavior. It is wrong. 

It's one thing to "be insecure in your preference" and it's another to be abusive. A man that actually dates fat women and hides them away IS abusive...no gray area there. You think abuse is okay or you don't. I don't think abuse is okay- even if the abused has self esteem issues and "allowed" it to happen. EVERYONE must own up to their part.....and I don't see the need to pat abusers on the back. 

If a man came here saying he liked to slap his wife around....and she let him do it for the past five years, are we to make this guy his own private forum to discuss why he likes slapping his wife around...with other guys that have slapped their wives around? 
No, this is not histrionics...this is my honest perception of what closet FAs are...abusers. 



mossystate said:


> I think BBW's should also be given a safe space. For every confused FA, there is at _least_ one BBW who is told to simply put on a sexy outfit and get some confidence...oh, and that she is wonderful just the way she is and rainbows and unicorns are hers for the asking. Having an SSBBW forum is not including a huge chunk of women who are on Dimensions.
> 
> Would be a very strong and negative message to BBW, if we/they do not also get a place in which to exhale, tell their stories, and get advice and guidance.
> 
> Nobody owns ' flaming ' out here.



I support this post.........

because I like it when Monique pulls her jinglies out......:wubu:


----------



## altered states

I think the site is balkanized enough already - another board for FAs would really get out of hand. What's the point of the site if no one is interacting, just hanging out with wholly like-minded people? "Closeted FAs" is gonna be dark by nature (as closets tend to be), and I think most reasonable people wouldn't go past the headline if they didn't want to go in there.



mergirl said:


> You know Lala, When i posted this thred i (stupidly) thought there would be a few 'closeted' Fa's stories about why they find it hard to 'come out' and not the thing this has become. The reason i posted is because i find it so extremely difficult to understand why anyone would find being an 'out and proud Fa' so difficult but it seemed that there were quite a few who DID find it difficult. To be honest in one way as this post has progressed i have felt sorry that i posted in the first place because i would never wish to make anyone feel bad about themselves and as you have stated this post clearly has made you feel bad. On the other hand, i am of the oppinion that if things are discussed, no matter how scary or hurtful that we can learn a lot from the ideas which flow from the discussions..This normally happens after the initial Flamewar of course. Maby the main board wasnt the place for this, but then i'm not sure where is.. Do we just cover our ears and say "lalalalala" while these issues are creating an undercurrent of strained feelings and suspicions here or do we discuss them?
> I understand that a lot of fat people come here as a means of 'escapism' so perhaps the next time a sensitive thread like this comes up we should have some sort of warning. Personally i see dims both as a space for fat people and Fa's to feel at home and unthreatened but also as somewhere where the real issues affecting fat people and Fa's can be discussed.
> Maby if there were an Fa board i would have discussed this there instead. (Though i think in this case the imput of fat people is really important) Maby this is an issue that wont ever change till society does, though we have a black president so i'm ever hopeful.
> Rememeber for every Fa who is frightened to 'come out' there are hundreds that would love to walk down the street with their partner wearing a t-shirt saying 'this hotty is with me!'
> Anyway, i'm sorry if this post has made anyone feel shit, especially fat people because that really wasnt my intention. I am just always looking for a greater understanding of the things i just dont get.


----------



## mergirl

tres huevos said:


> I think the site is balkanized enough already - another board for FAs would really get out of hand. What's the point of the site if no one is interacting, just hanging out with wholly like-minded people? "Closeted FAs" is gonna be dark by nature (as closets tend to be), and I think most reasonable people wouldn't go past the headline if they didn't want to go in there.


yeah, i didnt think that there should or shouldnt be an Fa subforum i was just saying that if there was i would have probs posted this there because for one more closeted Fa's would have posted probs and also i realise now that it would be less likely to hurt anyone. Though i do have to agree that you kinna get an idea of what the thread will be about by the title, which gives an adiquate enough warning for those who feel it would be something which might upset them.


----------



## mergirl

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Actually Tony, not all BBWs are allowed to come here and get full support they are looking for. Some...but not all. I won't give an example of a thread that it happened in....but I did ask the question then of why we weren't rousing to support an insecure BBW like so many here think we should support the closet people? A lot of people let me know that they agreed with my question/opinion......


You know, actually one of the reasons i asked my gf to have a wee look at dimensions was because i thought she would recieve support for some of her insecurity issues about her body. Since we have been dating she has got a lot more confident and i try my best to make her feel like the sexiest woman alive at every given moment but i am of the oppinion that it is through chatting/listening to the stories of 'other bbw's that women can become more accepting of their size, more so that just from Fa approval. Of course Fas are going to say Fat people are hot but to hear that fat people are hot from fat people, who have had to go through a journey of self acceptance to get there is oh so much more powerful and inspiring.
In one of her first posts my gf mentioned that she isnt all that confident about her size and it didnt really go down well. One person said something along the lines of "Its stupid to be hard on yourself and you are basically down on other fat women because you dont like yourself". She was totally new to the fat 'acceptance' scene and so perhaps didnt have the confidence or 'body acceptance' as some others on here have or say they have. I really did think she would have been offered some sort of support, but it seems that women who are unhappy with their size have to try to rush through all the stages of self acceptance super quick if they want to be a part of this community for fear of 'spoiling it for the Fa's'. I dont think this is the case all of the time, for all of the Fa's or all of the fat people but its an over all sense i get. hmmm..i feel a ramble comming on.. maby i should stop now.


----------



## Santaclear

I don't think "closeted" FAs should be tolerated or coddled at all, ever. Not in a place like Dimensions where fat women are valued. Being "closeted" marginalizes fat women more than they already are. The burden should be on the closeted person to change (or not, hey, who should care other than the closet case?)  Fat women deserve a lot better than that.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Santaclear said:


> I don't think "closeted" FAs should be tolerated or coddled at all, ever. Not in a place like Dimensions where fat women are valued. Being "closeted" marginalizes fat women more than they already are. The burden should be on the closeted person to change (or not, hey, who should care other than the closet case?)  Fat women deserve a lot better than that.



This should be turned into it's own thread. Nailed the fuck down. Enlarged. End of any discussion about this topic EVER.


----------



## mergirl

BothGunsBlazing said:


> This should be turned into it's own thread. Nailed the fuck down. Enlarged. End of any discussion about this topic EVER.


..and the insecure closet cases will remain and continue to lie to people just so they can fuck them which will make the fuckee's feel utterly shite anyway when they realise they can be no more than a fuck. Is it not better to take a little bit of time out to educate and encourage closet cases? Cause they are going to fuck fat people anyway whether we approve or not. Personally, i wouldnt mind taking some time educating and encouraging closet cases to find the courage to be honest with themselves and others if its going to save the emotional turmoil of even one fat person. But then, on the other hand you would think that if you are on dimensions in the first place you would be getting all the support that you need..As it stands the only way for closet cases not to exist is for fat people to make sure they dump/not be with anyone who is one. Without Fat people 'closet Fa's' are just sad and lonely wankers..We can just leave them alone to masturbate and cry until they find their balls with the other hand. (or clit for ffa's, though i know of no 'closet' ffa's)


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

I think the best way to prevent being fucked over by a closet FA is not by coddling the closet FA and helping them. I believe it's to educate women/men on how to avoid being led on by one. 

Want to know how to avoid a closet FA? That is what should be focused on. When these dweebs figure out they can't get what they want anymore, then they'll be more inclined to get the hell over it. 

How to tell if some one is a closet FA or not would be an excellent thread/topic and what can you do to figure out early on if you're dealing with one.


----------



## mergirl

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I think the best way to prevent being fucked over by a closet FA is not by coddling the closet FA and helping them. I believe it's to educate women/men on how to avoid being led on by one.
> 
> Want to know how to avoid a closet FA? That is what should be focused on. When these dweebs figure out they can't get what they want anymore, then they'll be more inclined to get the hell over it.
> 
> How to tell if some one is a closet FA or not would be an excellent thread/topic and what can you do to figure out early on if you're dealing with one.


Right. Though, i think it would be difficult to figure out if someone was a closet Fa short of demanding they hold your hand all the way to their parents house, stopping in on the way to say hello to all their friends.. which might make you seem a bit forward.. i dunno..
Indeed though, this is what i was saying.. Maby the closet Fa's would come out a bit quicker if they couldnt get a shag from anyone..
hmm.. ok.. what are the sure fire signs of a closet Fa? i mean appart from saying you are one on Dimensions and getting a pounding.


----------



## LillyBBBW

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I think the best way to prevent being fucked over by a closet FA is not by coddling the closet FA and helping them. I believe it's to educate women/men on how to avoid being led on by one.
> 
> Want to know how to avoid a closet FA? That is what should be focused on. When these dweebs figure out they can't get what they want anymore, then they'll be more inclined to get the hell over it.
> 
> How to tell if some one is a closet FA or not would be an excellent thread/topic and what can you do to figure out early on if you're dealing with one.



Rule number 1: 
_"If you've been dating a guy for 4 months, And you haven't met any of his friends yet, You Are Not His Girlfriend!" _Chris Rock - No Sex In The Champagne Room​


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Obviously, this doesn't apply to just fat girls, but if you're going out near where he lives and he is like, I know a place..

like an hour away. 

That is a sign.


----------



## Carrie

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I think the best way to prevent being fucked over by a closet FA is not by coddling the closet FA and helping them. I believe it's to educate women/men on how to avoid being led on by one.
> 
> Want to know how to avoid a closet FA? That is what should be focused on. When these dweebs figure out they can't get what they want anymore, then they'll be more inclined to get the hell over it.
> 
> How to tell if some one is a closet FA or not would be an excellent thread/topic and what can you do to figure out early on if you're dealing with one.


I agree. I was considering starting such a thread a day or so ago, and then started to consider all of the outraged "But my boyfriend did that to me, and he's not closeted!!!" responses, and then I thought.... maybe not. 

That being said, if everyone could just keep in mind that there are, of course, exceptions to every observation, then I think it would be a useful topic.


----------



## mergirl

I think if you meet someone via a fat acceptance/dating site and they dont have a picture of themselves its pretty obvious they are in the closet.. They might just be kinna deformed and shy about it in which case you can get them to send you a PM pic for proof!


----------



## jewels_mystery

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I want to reiterate what Misty said. Your self esteem should come from yourself, not from a man. The reason why so many BBWs have self esteem issues is because they already hate themselves even before a man comes into the picture.
> 
> At the same time, I will say that the men need to be honest with themselves about the women they love. Honesty is refreshing. It saves drama, headaches and heartaches.



hmmm I already agreed with Misty that womens self esteem shouldn't be tied to a man. However everyone wants to be desired by their partner. Can't say I ever hated myself. But that's just me. I think I am fabulous. has there been times I wasn't so happy with myself. Sure, EVERYONE has those times. Luckily I shrug it off and keep it moving.


----------



## bexy

How would an FA board work? 

Would it be private? 

If not then it would still be full of the same arguments as in this thread. 

And if it was private, would it be ok for a "closet" FA to discuss his nerves or embarrassment there, but then come back on the main boards and say how gorgeous all of us BBWs are?? 
If it is private, how do you decide who gets to join? As I'm a BBW but also an FA in that I like fat women, so I would surely be allowed to join?

I don't see how it could ever work to be honest. But then I also think this whole "FA's in the closet" thing is a load of nonsense so what do I know lol!


----------



## olwen

tonynyc said:


> *
> I wonder if the impatience of closeted FA's (hate that term) is due to the fact that we have so many options in the internet era that we live as well dances and other venues to attend that didn't exist in the past.
> 
> I'm glad that I've reached a stage in my life that I am happy about my preference for BBW/SSBBW.
> 
> However, consider this scenario... if a BBW posted on the Boards for the first time and she had self-esteem issues most of the posters (rightly so )would be quite supportive. It's a different scenario.
> 
> Now granted you have some "Low Esteemed FAs" that are assholes;but, let's give the benefit of the doubt. Each case as others have said is different. What of the sincere guy that does need help?
> *
> 
> 
> 
> I agree - safe place should exist for those that need the guidance.



The impatience is due to the fact that the behavior is harmful to bbws. I can't make it more clear than that. What difference does it make whether or not they are on the internet? 

In my mind ALL closeted FAs have low self esteem otherwise they'd be able to say "Fuck you world, I'll date fat girls in the open if i want whether you like it or not." Confident people can do that. Closeted FAs who find ways to bed fat women anyway are selfish as well as lacking confidence.

A BBW with low self esteem is not the same kind of low self esteem as a closeted FA. I can't quite formulate words to explain why it's different right now. I just know it is.


----------



## The Fez

With the case of the closeted fa's that bed fat girls but then are ashamed to be seen with them in public, agreed, fuck 'em.

With those that don't get with big girls and are just having trouble coming to terms with their preferences, ok sure it's something they need to deal with, but I had a thought; comparably, if a gay person* were in the closet and didn't want to openly show their feelings, does that make them equally evil bastards, with regards to the feelings of other gays that they're shunning?


*I'm not drawing a parallel on this, before somebody complains


Olwen: in regards to low self esteem, with subject matter in mind, it's not the same because the low self esteem (I'm assuming you're drawing on with the fa's) is resultant of something external to themselves (the bbw's), and for the bbw's, it's internal.


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## TraciJo67

olwen said:


> The impatience is due to the fact that the behavior is harmful to bbws. I can't make it more clear than that. What difference does it make whether or not they are on the internet?
> 
> In my mind ALL closeted FAs have low self esteem otherwise they'd be able to say "Fuck you world, I'll date fat girls in the open if i want whether you like it or not." Confident people can do that. Closeted FAs who find ways to bed fat women anyway are selfish as well as lacking confidence.
> 
> A BBW with low self esteem is not the same kind of low self esteem as a closeted FA. *I can't quite formulate words to explain why it's different right now. I just know it is*.




One behavior harms self. The other harms self *and* others.


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## LillyBBBW

mergirl said:


> I think if you meet someone via a fat acceptance/dating site and they dont have a picture of themselves its pretty obvious they are in the closet.. They might just be kinna deformed and shy about it in which case you can get them to send you a PM pic for proof!



A lack of complete contact information is an indicator. Also someone who won't meet any of your friends or go with you to even casual functions like a Superbowl party or a birthday gathering with friends at a local bar. Always got to meet at your house, in your neigborhood .


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## mergirl

Freestyle Fez said:


> With the case of the closeted fa's that bed fat girls but then are ashamed to be seen with them in public, agreed, fuck 'em.
> 
> With those that don't get with big girls and are just having trouble coming to terms with their preferences, ok sure it's something they need to deal with, but I had a thought; comparably, if a gay person* were in the closet and didn't want to openly show their feelings, does that make them equally evil bastards, with regards to the feelings of other gays that they're shunning?
> 
> 
> *I'm not drawing a parallel on this, before somebody complains
> 
> 
> Olwen: in regards to low self esteem, with subject matter in mind, it's not the same because the low self esteem (I'm assuming you're drawing on with the fa's) is resultant of something external to themselves (the bbw's), and for the bbw's, it's internal.


Much of the time when gay people are in the closet they are afraid of actual rejection to the point of being austrisized and sometimes even for their own personal safety. They dont not come out because they are afraid of what people will say about the other person they are seeing. 
I have never heard of any Fa's who actually came to physical harm or that were fucked up totally psychologically when they 'came out' unfortunatly this can happen when gay people come out. 
In conclusion
When gay people dont come out it is usually through genuine fear.
when Fa's dont come out it is usually through genuine cowardice.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Freestyle Fez said:


> With the case of the closeted fa's that bed fat girls but then are ashamed to be seen with them in public, agreed, fuck 'em.
> 
> With those that don't get with big girls and are just having trouble coming to terms with their preferences, ok sure it's something they need to deal with, but I had a thought; comparably, if a gay person* were in the closet and didn't want to openly show their feelings, does that make them equally evil bastards, with regards to the feelings of other gays that they're shunning?
> 
> 
> *I'm not drawing a parallel on this, before somebody complains
> 
> 
> Olwen: in regards to low self esteem, with subject matter in mind, it's not the same because the low self esteem (I'm assuming you're drawing on with the fa's) is resultant of something external to themselves (the bbw's), and for the bbw's, it's internal.



In general yes. Most of the gays I know loathe gays who are in the closet and will have nothing to do with him unless he's too hot to pass up and they're just passing through.


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## The Fez

I've been beaten up before for liking big girls, teenagers can be fucked up

still, no you can't compare it completly, hence the note. I'm trying to explain why I don't think fa's that aren't going around getting with big girls, yet have problems coming to terms with who they are deserve all the abuse.


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## jewels_mystery

LillyBBBW said:


> A lack of complete contact information is an indicator. Also someone who won't meet any of your friends or go with you to even casual functions like a Superbowl party or a birthday gathering with friends at a local bar. Always got to meet at your house, in your neigborhood .



adding another-only wants to visit diners/restaurants that are open after midnight


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## LillyBBBW

jewels_mystery said:


> adding another-only wants to visit diners/restaurants that are open after midnight



Also a closet fa can seem rather charming because in public they keep a gentlemanly distance from you. They treat you cordially seeminlgly with respect demonstrating no romantic attraction at all but as soon as the doors close behind you he's up in your face like a swarm of angry bees. Red flag.


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## mergirl

Freestyle Fez said:


> I've been beaten up before for liking big girls, teenagers can be fucked up
> 
> still, no you can't compare it completly, hence the note. I'm trying to explain why I don't think fa's that aren't going around getting with big girls, yet have problems coming to terms with who they are deserve all the abuse.


Seriously? well i guess if people want to beat you up they will find any stupid reason. People are shits! How did that actually happen? Did you come out and then get beaten up?? very weird,, ok so now i've just heard of one person getting beaten up for being an Fa.. and it wasnt someone i knew in real life.
In many countries you can be killed for being gay. I dont know of any countries where liking fat people gets you stoned to death..infact in many non western countries being thin is kinna frowned upon. I always think the more westernised we become the further away from natural humans we become.. ie it is natural to love fat people.


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## mergirl

Please feel free to add to these pearls of wisdom..




LillyBBBW said:


> Rule number 1:
> _"If you've been dating a guy for 4 months, And you haven't met any of his friends yet, You Are Not His Girlfriend!" _Chris Rock - No Sex In The Champagne Room​





mergirl said:


> I think if you meet someone via a fat acceptance/dating site and they dont have a picture of themselves its pretty obvious they are in the closet.. They might just be kinna deformed and shy about it in which case you can get them to send you a PM pic for proof!





LillyBBBW said:


> A lack of complete contact information is an indicator. Also someone who won't meet any of your friends or go with you to even casual functions like a Superbowl party or a birthday gathering with friends at a local bar. Always got to meet at your house, in your neigborhood .





jewels_mystery said:


> adding another-only wants to visit diners/restaurants that are open after midnight





LillyBBBW said:


> Also a closet fa can seem rather charming because in public they keep a gentlemanly distance from you. They treat you cordially seeminlgly with respect demonstrating no romantic attraction at all but as soon as the doors close behind you he's up in your face like a swarm of angry bees. Red flag.


----------



## Blockierer

mergirl said:


> .. ie it is natural to love fat people.


So very true. 
And the question is should we really support the unnatural behaviour of so-called closeted FAs? I think we should not tolerate such cowards. So, we do not need a "closeted" FA board. We need a *proud* FA board http://www.fat-admirers.com/.


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## cinnamitch

Support group for closet FA"s? Makes is sound like liking fat chicks is comparable to alcohol addiction or some other bad crap. P-I-T-I-F-U-L


----------



## mergirl

Blockierer said:


> So very true.
> And the question is should we really support the unnatural behaviour of so-called closeted FAs? I think we should not tolerate such cowards. So, we do not need a "closeted" FA board. We need a *proud* FA board http://www.fat-admirers.com/.


haha.. great site. Loved the pics..
though it says..
"FFA - "Female Fat Admirer" - a female who has a preference for fat men."
I am a female fat admirer and i have a preference for fat women..


----------



## WildDiva

OMG Lilly i coulnt have said it better myself!


----------



## The Fez

mergirl said:


> Seriously? well i guess if people want to beat you up they will find any stupid reason. People are shits! How did that actually happen? Did you come out and then get beaten up?? very weird,, ok so now i've just heard of one person getting beaten up for being an Fa.. and it wasnt someone i knew in real life.
> In many countries you can be killed for being gay. I dont know of any countries where liking fat people gets you stoned to death..infact in many non western countries being thin is kinna frowned upon. I always think the more westernised we become the further away from natural humans we become.. ie it is natural to love fat people.



I've never hid the fact I was an FA; if people asked me, I'd say yeah, sure, I like fat chicks. This got around (I'm the only person in my social group of about 70 back home that's an admittant FA) and most didn't really care either way, but a few dicks felt it necessary to beat me up for it whenever they got the chance. This is back when I was 16, and part of the reason I refrained from telling people about my preference in the future until now.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Santaclear said:


> I don't think "closeted" FAs should be tolerated or coddled at all, ever. Not in a place like Dimensions where fat women are valued. Being "closeted" marginalizes fat women more than they already are. *The burden should be on the closeted person to change (or not, hey, who should care other than the closet case?)*  Fat women deserve a lot better than that.



This is it exactly.....you don't change other people. People change themselves.....
Coddling them would only make them feel like it's okay to whine and feel sorry for themselves. They are hurting others.... WTF would you coddle them?????



BothGunsBlazing said:


> I think the best way to prevent being fucked over by a closet FA is not by coddling the closet FA and helping them. I believe it's to educate women/men on how to avoid being led on by one.
> 
> *Want to know how to avoid a closet FA*? That is what should be focused on. When these dweebs figure out they can't get what they want anymore, then they'll be more inclined to get the hell over it.
> 
> How to tell if some one is a closet FA or not would be an excellent thread/topic and what can you do to figure out early on if you're dealing with one.



I concur- teach people how to avoid abuse.....it's much preferable over acting like it's "normal" or okay to abuse fat people.....



mergirl said:


> I think if you meet someone via a fat acceptance/dating site and they dont have a picture of themselves its pretty obvious they are in the closet.. They might just be kinna deformed and shy about it in which case you can get them to send you a PM pic for proof!



Oh yeah.....I get guys on myspace with no pics of themselves trying to add me. I look at their friends list........only fat women on the list. No male friends, no thin friends.....only fat chicks. Yeah....I deny his "friendship". 




Blockierer said:


> So very true.
> And the question is should we really support the unnatural behaviour of so-called closeted FAs? I think we should not tolerate such cowards. So, we do not need a "closeted" FA board. *We need a proud FA board *http://www.fat-admirers.com/.



Yep, let THAT be the "encouragement" closet FAs get from here... seeing other FAs happy and proud. Excellent idea/post :bow:



cinnamitch said:


> Support group for closet FA"s? Makes is sound like liking fat chicks is comparable to alcohol addiction or some other bad crap. P-I-T-I-F-U-L



Yeah, it feels like getting put down again all over, doesn't it? Like the whole concept of liking fat people is "problematic". JFX......


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

olwen said:


> You're right this is a public forum and dealing with the issues means hearing about how what they do affects the people they do it too. If they don't like it, they can just turn off the computer. It's not my job to hold their hands and pat them on the head and tell them everything will be okay and absolve them of their guilt, and lead them on the path to acceptance. Asking me to respect and tolerate this kind of bullshit behavior is like asking me to take an ax to my own limbs. Ain't gonna happen. You're asking for too much, and frankly, the more I hear this request, the more offended and I'm becoming. Go ask them to treat us with respect instead of asking me to tolerate not being respected.
> 
> It's probably better for those young and confused FAs to get help from other FAs. The best any closeted FA will get out of me is a promise to not show them the true level of disgust I feel about it. That's all the sugar coating they're gonna get from me for now.



I want to thank you for making my point for me. We need a separate board for FAs so that the younger guys who are just starting out as FAs can be mentored by the older guys. Men and women are different and the guys on here need to be able to talk about guy stuff without being flamed, henpecked or attacked. We live in a society which demands conformity of each person, especially when it comes to sexual preferences, marriage and dating. There are a lot of people who are extremely insecure because of messages they receive from their friends about what society deems as the repulsiveness of fat. These messages and pressures hurt the self-esteem of fat people and the pressures make FAs feel insecure when they are first finding themselves. 

At the same time, I have no sympathy for the guys who are sure they like fat women and they date BBWs for long periods of time without introducing the women to their friends and families. These guys are despicable.


----------



## SamanthaNY

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Men and women are different and the guys on here need to be able to talk about guy stuff without being flamed, henpecked or attacked.



*OFFENSIVE.* 



> We need a separate board for FAs so that the younger guys who are just starting out as FAs can be mentored by the older guys.



With that shit you said above, you're the LAST person who should be mentoring anyone.


----------



## olwen

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I want to thank you for making my point for me. We need a separate board for FAs so that the younger guys who are just starting out as FAs can be mentored by the older guys. Men and women are different and the guys on here need to be able to talk about guy stuff without being flamed, henpecked or attacked. We live in a society which demands conformity of each person, especially when it comes to sexual preferences, marriage and dating. There are a lot of people who are extremely insecure because of messages they receive from their friends about what society deems as the repulsiveness of fat. These messages and pressures hurt the self-esteem of fat people and the pressures make FAs feel insecure when they are first finding themselves.
> 
> At the same time, I have no sympathy for the guys who are sure they like fat women and they date BBWs for long periods of time without introducing the women to their friends and families. These guys are despicable.



I don't see flaming or attacks. I see requests for men to be responsible and own up to who they are and what they want. 

Funny how when women ask men to act like men we are suddenly asking for too much. Men want us to do and be whatever he need to do and be to please them, moreover they feel entitled to the request. They expect this kind of obedience without pause, but when women ask for men to please us we're henpecking.  

Double standard, meet my fist.


----------



## ashmamma84

Freestyle Fez said:


> With the case of the closeted fa's that bed fat girls but then are ashamed to be seen with them in public, agreed, fuck 'em.
> 
> With those that don't get with big girls and are just having trouble coming to terms with their preferences, ok sure it's something they need to deal with, but I had a thought; comparably, if a gay person* were in the closet and didn't want to openly show their feelings, does that make them equally evil bastards, with regards to the feelings of other gays that they're shunning?
> 
> 
> *I'm not drawing a parallel on this, before somebody complains
> 
> 
> Olwen: in regards to low self esteem, with subject matter in mind, it's not the same because the low self esteem (I'm assuming you're drawing on with the fa's) is resultant of something external to themselves (the bbw's), and for the bbw's, it's internal.



There is no way in hell I'd date a lesbian who wasn't out. I just don't have the patience or time. And no, we are not about to creep around, you are not going to keep me on the down low. No, you will not tell your family we are "best friends" or "roomates". Being discreet, my big fat ass! That bullshit is for the birds. I respect myself too much and think too highly of myself to let someone play me like that. 

I really don't get why there is such shame in being who you are--at the end of the day you've got to live your life for you and quit worrying about other people. Folks will always talk shit, but let 'em talk. Grow a pair...or rent a pair...or buy a pair...I don't care what you do, just (wo)man up about the situation!


----------



## AnnMarie

If we're going to start throwing around demands for people of either sex/gender/orientation we've got a lot of demands to make. 

I could start throwing more at this, but it's not the time or place and I'm not going to be the one to shake that hornet's nest. 

I know it's great fun to grab the baseball bats and whack at FAs, but there is room to swing back in the other direction... but if a guy around here did it he'd be handed his ass on a plate. 

Just sayin'... no one has the corner on truth and integrity around here. I think the best we can do is not stand for crap in our own lives, try to guide people to a way that makes them and others in their lives happier, and stop acting like any of us have had the perfect journey to where we are now. 

I know I haven't.... but I got here. If I can help someone else do it, then I'm going to try.


----------



## olwen

TraciJo67 said:


> One behavior harms self. The other harms self *and* others.



Yes, exactly that, yes.


----------



## SMA413

BothGunsBlazing said:


> It takes two for this project. So, I've been handing out this business card, to you know, find candidates. Information for where to apply at bottom of card.





indy500tchr said:


> Well I haven't gotten one of those *sad face*



That's pretty much because I stole his _entire _stash so he can't hand them out. 

BGB- I'll meet you in the closet.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

SMA413 said:


> That's pretty much because I stole his _entire _stash so he can't hand them out.
> 
> BGB- I'll meet you in the closet.


----------



## KaliCurves

Thank you for bring that to our attention, it has been fixed!!




mergirl said:


> haha.. great site. Loved the pics..
> though it says..
> "FFA - "Female Fat Admirer" - a female who has a preference for fat men."
> I am a female fat admirer and i have a preference for fat women..


----------



## superodalisque

i figured out a friend of mine was a closet FA once. i like him as a person but putting myself at the disposal of a closet FA is a definite no no because i'm nothing to be ashamed of. i know it takes time for some people to grow but i still can't bring myself to feel too sorry for someone who would be ashamed of me when there are plenty who would be glad and proud to be seen with me anywhere and they are not even FAs. even though i'd never vilify him i think if i relate too much to his shame i would somehow be underscoring and agreeing with him that it was ok for him to feel that way. even if i do get it thats just something i will never do. you see, i still believe i'm better than that. i think if other BBWs ( not blaming just a practical observation) were pleasant, and educative of closeted guys but stayed away from physical relationships there would be no more closet. a closet usually contains more than one garment.


----------



## superodalisque

AnnMarie said:


> If we're going to start throwing around demands for people of either sex/gender/orientation we've got a lot of demands to make.
> 
> I could start throwing more at this, but it's not the time or place and I'm not going to be the one to shake that hornet's nest.
> 
> I know it's great fun to grab the baseball bats and whack at FAs, but there is room to swing back in the other direction... but if a guy around here did it he'd be handed his ass on a plate.
> 
> Just sayin'... no one has the corner on truth and integrity around here. I think the best we can do is not stand for crap in our own lives, try to guide people to a way that makes them and others in their lives happier, and stop acting like any of us have had the perfect journey to where we are now.
> 
> I know I haven't.... but I got here. If I can help someone else do it, then I'm going to try.



i'll never understand how asking a man not to be ashamed of you is asking too much?


----------



## mossystate

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Men and women are different and the guys on here need to be able to talk about guy stuff without being flamed, *henpecked* or attacked.




Your signature has a quote speaking of mediocre minds. 

Thanks for the chuckle.

Now, you just go compliment a fat woman, the only thing she obviously needs to find herself and become a secure person , and of course , do not view the compliment as any sort of easy dismissal.


----------



## mossystate

superodalisque said:


> i'll never understand how asking a man not to be ashamed of you is asking too much?



Exactly. If people want to coddle..then have at it. But those people should also understand that, just as their journey is what it is...so is the journey of those who don't feel like taking more shit, from places not of their choosing. That is not about either gender...any age...etc..

I don't think ANYONE has said that FA's are the devil...that drama is pretty damned silly. I take people on a case by case basis. There is plenty of shit pitched at fat women out here. There are all kinds of ways to hand a person their self esteem on a platter. I think the eagerness to view women as mostly eye candy, makes it seem that everything should be ok on their end.


----------



## bbwsrule

In my case it was a matter of tremendous anxiety and shyness, and the FA thing didn't help much but was really a minor factor. So, I never dated when young but as I worked triple overtime to overcome these debilitations, I become very into being a FA. I find it very exciting on all levels and wouldn't change it if I could.

Part of the process was discovering that while many thinner women are very attractive visually (and have great personalities), I just wasn't sexually aroused by them. This wasn't obvious right away, it took awhile. But, oh the total DELIGHT when you admit to yourself what really turns you on on the deepest level. Of course this type of "deepest" level being physical is probably more a male thing (on average). I have said in other posts that personality and compatibility are vitally important, more so than physical attraction but when you can combine them -- WOWWW!!

So, perhaps I can agree that closested FA's have low self-esteem.

I have never done, nor been tempted to do, the abusive things that have been (rightly) flamed here. I just didn't get with a woman until I had enough self confidence to attempt it.

No one ever questions my preference perhaps because my wife isn't that big (certainly not by Dimensions standards) and because she really is beautiful -- people tell her all the time. Not just the body, but her self-confidence and that she takes great care to always look good.

I do have some concern about making too big a deal out of FAness regards her -- she certainly knows how I feel but I don't want to objectify her body unduly. I love and am attracted to HER, which is how I would want my husband to feel if the roles were reversed.

Hope this adds a little something to the discourse.


----------



## mergirl

KaliCurves said:


> Thank you for bring that to our attention, it has been fixed!!


aww thank you, you pair of sweeties! You see, it only goes to show.."If you dont moan you dont get!"..lol
seriously, thanks though. If everyone was like you guys then everyone would fit in and twood be lovely!.
xmer


----------



## mergirl

bbwsrule said:


> In my case it was a matter of tremendous anxiety and shyness, and the FA thing didn't help much but was really a minor factor. So, I never dated when young but as I worked triple overtime to overcome these debilitations, I become very into being a FA. I find it very exciting on all levels and wouldn't change it if I could.
> 
> Part of the process was discovering that while many thinner women are very attractive visually (and have great personalities), I just wasn't sexually aroused by them. This wasn't obvious right away, it took awhile. But, oh the total DELIGHT when you admit to yourself what really turns you on on the deepest level. Of course this type of "deepest" level being physical is probably more a male thing (on average). I have said in other posts that personality and compatibility are vitally important, more so than physical attraction but when you can combine them -- WOWWW!!
> 
> So, perhaps I can agree that closested FA's have low self-esteem.
> 
> I have never done, nor been tempted to do, the abusive things that have been (rightly) flamed here. I just didn't get with a woman until I had enough self confidence to attempt it.
> 
> No one ever questions my preference perhaps because my wife isn't that big (certainly not by Dimensions standards) and because she really is beautiful -- people tell her all the time. Not just the body, but her self-confidence and that she takes great care to always look good.
> 
> I do have some concern about making too big a deal out of FAness regards her -- she certainly knows how I feel but I don't want to objectify her body unduly. I love and am attracted to HER, which is how I would want my husband to feel if the roles were reversed.
> 
> Hope this adds a little something to the discourse.


oh, i totally know what you mean about the finding non fat people beautiful but feeling there is something missing and not realising what it actually is..Thats self realisation and in no way comparable to the type of closet Fa being discussed. I also 'get' what guys are saying when they say they have a 'preference' for bbws and their wives/girlfriends are thin but they love them and are attracted to them. Although i do find something quite sad about that, for both partys. Obviously, there is something fundimentally missing if they then have to join an online community of fat people and Fa's and be an active member. Maby sites like dimensions and the like fill some sort of gap that they have. Though i dont know. I think for many being an Fa is like a sexuality.. its not 'just a kink' or 'just a preference' which is why this sort of 'closet Fa' doesnt just occassionally rent a bbw porno.. they actually participate in a whole community of 'like minded?' people.
I think part of why its difficult to actualise your Fa sexuality when you are younger is because there isnt really a mention of it on tv..(well save for the occassional documentary..though there wernt any when i was younger *also why i think there are more teen Fa's these days*). 
I remember not realising i was gay until i was about 14 and my boyfriend showed me a sexy story about two girls (more fool him!) i then had this kinna CLUNK revelation.."oh! thats me! i like this! Is that what all those feelings ment! There are more people who feel this and not just me!"
I think the same thing happens for young Fa's when they come across sites like dimensions..they have ideas in thier heads that it might be fat people they like so they look it up, they find a whole community of people who actually like what they like, are really excited about it.. but sometimes your sexuality and sense of self takes a while to catch up with your hard on. (wide on?..i always try to be non sexist!). So, as my boyfriend was asking me..."hmm what did you think of that story?" as i sat with it in my hands, feeling like a bulb had just lit above my head, somehow there were too many emotions to process. I didnt suddenly go "oh sorry now i realise i'm a lesbian" (though actually this did happen about a month later). 
Just saying that sometimes it takes a while to feel comfortable in your sexuality especially if its something you didnt even know existed! This is why i am willing to cut people slack who have just realised they are Fa's. I do NOT expect fat people to do the same and i do NOT expect Fa's to 'experiment' with fat people while they are working it out in their heads. 
Anyway, this is totally different to the guy who KNOWS he is an Fa and decides to keep it secret. This is just pathetic. There are no excuses. 
The first guy to answer, i agree didnt do so all that elloquently.. but i think he is comming to terms with his sexuality and trying to come across all confident here.. cause obviously if you have any doubts about your Fa'ness people are going to call you on it. Rightfully so if you are on the recieving end of hurt from people experimenting/finding thier way etc. I just think the young Fa who said he was in the closet right at the start of the post is still comming to terms with his sexuality. I really believe Fa is a sexuality. I also believe finding your sexuality takes time and maturity. This is why there is always going to be this sort of divide between fat people and Fa's. Fat is not a sexuality, it is a physical part of someone and something that often they have had to work hard to accept themselves. Why should you have to assemble an ikea fat admirer when there are plenty ready made ones out there.. its just too fiddly, and time consuming and you end up banging your thumb with a hammer and all that shit.. i can understand this.
Actually, when i realised i was an Fa i was dating a kinna thin woman (well she wasnt fat) and i had a friend who was fat and i realised i was attracted to her more than my gf at the time and i coldnt work out why, i actually had some revelation moments, had to break up with my gf at the time and me and my friend had some nice wee times together. Lucky for me she was bi-curious so it all worked out pretty well.. though actually i kinna got my heart broken a bit, but it was just the usual teenager shit. 
Anyway, i have lots more to say about comming out as an Fa but i'm sure that is for another thread/has been another thred, so i will leave it at that. i'm sure ive spoken enough shite already.


----------



## AnnMarie

superodalisque said:


> i'll never understand how asking a man not to be ashamed of you is asking too much?



I didn't say that. 

Simply wishing or demanding isn't always enough to make it so. You can choose to be part of a solution or not, but the bitching about it doesn't change the reality. I guess I'd rather offer a hand to try to remedy something from a safe distance that sit there with stones at the ready. To each his/her own.


----------



## James

Many, many years ago, on a previous iteration of the Dimensions forums, I made an post that basically asked for help from other FAs as to how I could come out and face the many issues that are associated with doing so. Not many people replied but several did and their help was an instrumental first step for me. No-one told me to "man up" or attacked me for feeling the way I did at that time. Like many closet FAs, I knew precisely zero other FAs in real life and I so appreciated that FA-community support. I think, to some extent, its lacking today (probably because there are an awful lot more people here today, with many more axes to grind).

I can totally see how resentment towards FA predicament makes sense from a BBW perspective. I'd just like to give back what I got from this place and offer guidance on how to deal with issues that are significant and FA-specific without getting haranged for doing so. Its in the interest of BBWs, FAs and the community as a whole for there to be less people in the closet and there are probably a large percentage that want to be out of it that feel isolated and misunderstood when it comes to talking about being an FA. 

I wouldn't say that such discussion can only occur in a 'safe space', I just think that more productive and more useful discussion could occur in such a space... I also think that it would not just be closet-issues that would benefit from such discussion. Fostering FA-community could have widespread positve benefits on a whole range of issues...


----------



## AnnMarie

James said:


> Many, many years ago, on a previous iteration of the Dimensions forums, I made an post that basically asked for help from other FAs as to how I could come out and face the many issues that are associated with doing so. Not many people replied but several did and their help was an instrumental first step for me. No-one told me to "man up" or attacked me for feeling the way I did at that time. Like many closet FAs, I knew precisely zero other FAs in real life and I so appreciated that FA-community support. I think, to some extent, its lacking today (probably because there are an awful lot more people here today, with many more axes to grind).
> 
> I can totally see how resentment towards FA predicament makes sense from a BBW perspective. I'd just like to give back what I got from this place and offer guidance on how to deal with issues that are significant and FA-specific without getting haranged for doing so. Its in the interest of BBWs, FAs and the community as a whole for there to be less people in the closet and there are probably a large percentage that want to be out of it that feel isolated and misunderstood when it comes to talking about being an FA.
> 
> I wouldn't say that such discussion can only occur in a 'safe space', I just think that more productive and more useful discussion could occur in such a space... I also think that it would not just be closet-issues that would benefit from such discussion. Fostering FA-community could have widespread positve benefits on a whole range of issues...




Yes, yes, yes, yes. 

We're all in this together... _helping_* does more good. It's very simple math. You don't have to date a closet FA, in fact please don't, but there's no reason we can't encourage change for the better of everyone involved.


* different than coddling... really.


----------



## Fascinita

AnnMarie said:


> Yes, yes, yes, yes.
> 
> We're all in this together... _helping_* does more good. It's very simple math. You don't have to date a closet FA, in fact please don't, but *there's no reason we can't encourage change for the better of everyone involved.*
> 
> 
> * different than coddling... really.



The way I see it, discouraging "closet" fat admiration _is_ encouraging change for the better. I'm personally not comfortable with the idea of taking time out of my day to help someone who wouldn't want to be seen in public with me. I understand that other posters here may be willing to do this for closet FAs, and that's anyone's prerogative. I simply choose to encourage change from a different position. 

It's not a matter of not wanting change, for me. It's a matter of believing that it's not my responsibility to help others treat me with less contempt. Sorry. I already have enough on my plate fending off fat-phobia. I don't need more fat-phobia planted on me by those who claim to love fat. 

I encourage closet FAs to get themselves together so that they can eventually help fat folks fend off fat-hate. There's no reason why a stance of absolute resistance against "the closet" should be painted as less than encouraging of positive change. Expecting the best of people, asking them to behave with a minimum of respect for those they claim to love is not a destructive thing. To the contrary, I believe that's the best kind of change.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

SamanthaNY said:


> *OFFENSIVE.*
> 
> 
> 
> With that shit you said above, you're the LAST person who should be mentoring anyone.





olwen said:


> I don't see flaming or attacks. I see requests for men to be responsible and own up to who they are and what they want.
> 
> Funny how when women ask men to act like men we are suddenly asking for too much. Men want us to do and be whatever he need to do and be to please them, moreover they feel entitled to the request. They expect this kind of obedience without pause, but when women ask for men to please us we're henpecking.
> 
> Double standard, meet my fist.



I concur.....this whole thread isn't "men vs women" but about fat people and those that claim to admire them......but instead abuse them. Fat people consist of males and females......but women are always "bitches" around these parts for speaking up about abuse. 



superodalisque said:


> i figured out a friend of mine was a closet FA once. i like him as a person but putting myself at the disposal of a closet FA is a definite no no because i'm nothing to be ashamed of. i know it takes time for some people to grow but i still can't bring myself to feel too sorry for someone who would be ashamed of me when there are plenty who would be glad and proud to be seen with me anywhere and they are not even FAs. even though i'd never vilify him* i think if i relate too much to his shame i would somehow be underscoring and agreeing with him that it was ok for him to feel that way. *even if i do get it thats just something i will never do. you see, i still believe i'm better than that. i think if other BBWs ( not blaming just a practical observation) were pleasant, and educative of closeted guys but stayed away from physical relationships there would be no more closet. a closet usually contains more than one garment.



Yep, that goes back to what I said about rewarding an abuser. 



superodalisque said:


> i'll never understand how asking a man not to be ashamed of you is asking too much?



We have no right- we are fat and should happily take the crumbs tossed at us. We are worth nothing.....and should bend over backwards to "assist" the closet cases to like us. I mean we NEED people that are ashamed of us to like us, right? And the people that have been hurt, now they are the ones that need to suck it up....so it will be easier to offer that support to closet cases....instead of offering support to the people they have hurt/offended 

I really, truly, intensely, strongly DO NOT GET THE *NEED* FOR CLOSET FAs

Why, oh, why do we "NEED" them? Don't we actually need good, strong, caring people that support fat people? 

I will reiterate...we cannot CHANGE anyone. We CANNOT change anyone. WE CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE. People change when they want to change. Some people never change. When/if a person decides to change, they don't whine about what they like....instead they own up to the things they have done to others. This is truth. 



mossystate said:


> Exactly. If people want to coddle..then have at it. But those people should also understand that, just as their journey is what it is...*so is the journey of those who don't feel like taking more shit, from places not of their choosing. That is not about either gender...any age...etc..*




Yes, funny how it keeps coming up in this thread that fat people need to find their own way, their own self esteem, take care of themselves, etc....yet we cannot say the same about closet FAs without being labeled bitches?? WTF??





James said:


> Many, many years ago, on a previous iteration of the Dimensions forums, I made an post that basically asked for help from other FAs as to how I could come out and face the many issues that are associated with doing so. Not many people replied but several did and their help was an instrumental first step for me. No-one told me to "man up" or attacked me for feeling the way I did at that time. Like many closet FAs, I knew precisely zero other FAs in real life and I so appreciated that FA-community support. I think, to some extent, its lacking today (probably because there are an awful lot more people here today, with many more axes to grind).
> 
> I can totally see how resentment towards FA predicament makes sense from a BBW perspective. I'd just like to give back what I got from this place and offer guidance on how to deal with issues that are significant and FA-specific without getting haranged for doing so. *Its in the interest of BBWs, FAs and the community as a whole for there to be less people in the closet and there are probably a large percentage that want to be out of it that feel isolated and misunderstood when it comes to talking about being an FA. *
> 
> I wouldn't say that such discussion can only occur in a 'safe space', I just think that more productive and more useful discussion could occur in such a space... I also think that it would not just be closet-issues that would benefit from such discussion. Fostering FA-community could have widespread positve benefits on a whole range of issues...



I'm feeling terribly misunderstood, undervalued as a fat person and blown off right now....can I have my own forum?

Oh and I'm going to repeat what I just said above:

I will reiterate...we cannot CHANGE anyone. We CANNOT change anyone. WE CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE. People change when they want to change. Some people never change. When/if a person decides to change, they don't whine about what they like....instead they own up to the things they have done to others. This is truth.


I am ashamed of some things I have done in my past- don't you effing dare reward me for those things....

Why? BECAUSE I WAS WRONG AND NEED TO KNOW I WAS WRONG- I cannot change if I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I DID IS WRONG


----------



## AnnMarie

Fascinita said:


> The way I see it, discouraging "closet" fat admiration _is_ encouraging change for the better. I'm personally not comfortable with the idea of taking time out of my day to help someone who wouldn't want to be seen in public with me. I understand that other posters here may be willing to do this for closet FAs, and that's anyone's prerogative. I simply choose to encourage change from a different position.
> 
> It's not a matter of not wanting change, for me. It's a matter of believing that it's not my responsibility to help others treat me with less contempt. Sorry. I already have enough on my plate fending off fat-phobia. I don't need more fat-phobia planted on me by those who claim to love fat.
> 
> I encourage closet FAs to get themselves together so that they can eventually help fat folks fend off fat-hate. There's no reason why a stance of absolute resistance against "the closet" should be painted as less than encouraging of positive change. Expecting the best of people, asking them to behave with a minimum of respect for those they claim to love is not a destructive thing. To the contrary, I believe that's the best kind of change.



I get that, but a lot of the method I see here is akin to the "berate a fat person/call a fat person disgusting/remind them all the time how inferior they are and they'll stop being fat" line of thinking. Maybe that worked for other people here... oh wait, most are still here and fat... so maybe not? Yeah. 

I don't believe in encouraging closeted behavior (again, NEVER said that) but I do think that this community is in a unique position to help someone out - as James pointed out, "we" helped him. Boy, that was time wasted.


----------



## Blackjack

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I will reiterate...we cannot CHANGE anyone. We CANNOT change anyone. WE CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE. People change when they want to change. Some people never change. When/if a person decides to change, they don't whine about what they like....instead they own up to the things they have done to others. This is truth.



Change can't be forced on a person, you're right.

However, a person _can _be inspired to change by others, and when the person is ready to change, others _can _help them to do so.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Blackjack said:


> Change can't be forced on a person, you're right.
> 
> However, a person _can _be inspired to change by others, and when the person is ready to change, others _can _help them to do so.



I totally agree.....and it's why I like what Blockier said about setting a GOOD example .... some of the men here are really good men. They are happy with who they are and what they want. Other people might see that....and want it. 

It's a very bad idea, though, to say that "it's okay/normal to be ashamed of your preference".


----------



## Blackjack

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> It's a very bad idea, though, to say that "it's okay/normal to be ashamed of your preference".



I really don't think that anyone is saying that's the message that we want to convey.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Blackjack said:


> I really don't think that anyone is saying that's the message that we want to convey.



So what is the message exactly?


----------



## thatgirl08

The thing is, everyone goes through the process of "finding themselves," not just FA's.. and honestly.. if the worst thing in your life is having to face pressure to date someone who is thin (and not your preference) you're pretty fucking lucky, IMO.


----------



## Blackjack

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> So what is the message exactly?



That while being in the closet might seem more comfortable, it feels a lot better to be out?

That while the cowardice is easy, it's far more rewarding to be bold and stand firm in who you are?

You know, all the basic sorts of things that go along with self-confidence. Just for starters.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Blackjack said:


> That while being in the closet might seem more comfortable, it feels a lot better to be out?
> 
> That while the cowardice is easy, it's far more rewarding to be bold and stand firm in who you are?
> 
> You know, all the basic sorts of things that go along with self-confidence. Just for starters.




There has to be a whole sub forum to relate this simple, obvious message?


----------



## Haunted

i don't think anyone wants to coddle the closet cases and no-one wants them to stay in the closet but US, as In the good men that Gef referred to (How pretentious of me to include myself in her group of good men), we can and should help the closeted fa out of said closet and show them that on a whole no-one really cares if you like fat chicks or not, and you can do more good and ... (Trust me) have a lot more fun on this side of the door.

Edit (I don't think there necessarily has to be a whole sub forum but this Thread certainly took a turn for the worse) maybe a bit more patience for some of the more fragile fa's


----------



## Blackjack

thatgirl08 said:


> The thing is, everyone goes through the process of "finding themselves," not just FA's.. and honestly.. if the worst thing in your life is having to face pressure to date someone who is thin (and not your preference) you're pretty fucking lucky, IMO.



If it is the worst thing, then yeah, one's lucky. Usually, though, I'd say that it's not the worst for most closet FA's, but just one of those parts of themselves that they have to find and become proud of.


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye

TraciJo67 said:


> Hon, you'd need that 36 cents times a gazillion PLUS a company of highly trained Marines holding the subject down in order to get THAT job done
> 
> See? I can direct sarcasm internally, too. I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR, DAMN IT. I really doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo





I would be interested in a mossy forum. There must also be foggy dew, edible flowers along misty riverbanks, marginally transparent and flowing clothing, rainbows with Skittles at the end, random hairbraiding and pigtailing, fluffy woodland creatures that are cute but not tasty-looking, and said unicorns from Monique's other post in this thread. I won't budge on these demands.

Did I mention I've watched six season 2 episodes of the Tudors in a day and a half trying to catch up before April? I think this is a side effect.


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye

Blackjack said:


> That while being in the closet might seem more comfortable, it feels a lot better to be out?
> 
> That while the cowardice is easy, it's far more rewarding to be bold and stand firm in who you are?
> 
> You know, all the basic sorts of things that go along with self-confidence. Just for starters.



_*snorts at "firm"*_ LOL


----------



## thatgirl08

Maybe I'm just too bitter right now to be posting in this thread. I just really don't get what the big deal is. It's not even about the OMG, FAT GIRLS HAVE IT WORSE. I'm not even going to bring that part up. 

It's just like, is it really that hard to be like, oh hey I'm going to date this fat girl. 

Am I missing something here?


----------



## mergirl

thatgirl08 said:


> Maybe I'm just too bitter right now to be posting in this thread. I just really don't get what the big deal is. It's not even about the OMG, FAT GIRLS HAVE IT WORSE. I'm not even going to bring that part up.
> 
> It's just like, is it really that hard to be like, oh hey I'm going to date this fat girl.
> 
> Am I missing something here?


Even better "oh hey, i'm going to date this girl"


----------



## Blackjack

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> There has to be a whole sub forum to relate this simple, obvious message?



I don't really have an opinion on the sub-forum, but I'd participate if it was formed, because it'd be for more than just conveying that one simple message- it'd be for helping the people who want to change. You can't do that with just an idea, there has to be action and interaction involved.

You don't see the need for closet FA's. I think that it'd be worthwhile to take the ones who're developing and budding and help them out, which would then set an example for those who're still in the closet. With encouragement and inspiration, people can quit their closets and be proud of who they are.


----------



## thatgirl08

mergirl said:


> Even better "oh hey, i'm going to date this girl"



Word.

I mean.. I've dated guys who my family or friends thought was unattractive or unappealing for whatever reason and even though sometimes I'm like ehh:// I wish they liked this person, never have I been like.. oh I'm not going to date you because you're too embarrassing. I just don't get the whole thing.. 

A few of my thin friends and I were discussing chubby chasers last night, and I told them about the closet case that I recently had a thing with, and they were genuinely _surprised_ that there are closet chubby chasers. 

Wait, what's the big deal again?


----------



## mergirl

I think i said in this post or the other one about the same thing..(which post am i posting in now btw?).... that surely the act of comming to dimensions in the first place..what with all the erm positive bbw and Fa folks and their beauty, honesty and intelligence would be enough to make any newbie Fa know he or she doesnt need to be in the closet??!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Haunted said:


> i don't think anyone wants to coddle the closet cases and no-one wants them to stay in the closet but US, as In the good men that Gef referred to (How pretentious of me to include myself in her group of good men), we can and should help the closeted fa out of said closet and show them that on a whole no-one really cares if you like fat chicks or not, and you can do more good and ... (Trust me) have a lot more fun on this side of the door.
> 
> Edit (I don't think there necessarily has to be a whole sub forum but this Thread certainly took a turn for the worse) maybe a bit more patience for some of the more fragile fa's





Blackjack said:


> I don't really have an opinion on the sub-forum, but I'd participate if it was formed, because it'd be for more than just conveying that one simple message- it'd be for helping the people who want to change. You can't do that with just an idea, there has to be action and interaction involved.
> 
> You don't see the need for closet FA's. I think that it'd be worthwhile to take the ones who're developing and budding and help them out, which would then set an example for those who're still in the closet. With encouragement and inspiration, people can quit their closets and be proud of who they are.





You know.....I'm thinking that perhaps there is a problem here with definitions/meanings. An "insecure/new/confused FA" might be one thing....and could even be what a lot of people are referring to in this thread. CLOSET, as in they think it's okay to hurt the people they want, FA could be considered a horse of a different color. When the young guy earlier in this thread posted, he didn't bother me, anger me or anything of that nature. He didn't say " I have a fat gf but I won't let her meet my friends" or anything like that....he just admitted he has problems with XYZ. He didn't actually DO anything to fat people (or that is the little bit I gather from his short post).....other than he definitely needs to reconsider whatever messages he has received in his lifetime.( I only had a problem when he came back to post about "being honest" He's not honest but I chose not to respond to him... )

The ones that lie/deceive/abuse....they probably aren't just that way with fat people. They are probably just shitty people from the get go....

I believe/support change........just think that it's dangerous to take away support from fat people in some attempt to "change" abusive people. People change themselves.....and only they have the power to do so. This place is full of fat people...watching all this catering to people that come here expressing their "shame" and sharing stories of treating another human being horribly simply because they are fat. That's one hell of a message to be passing out on a site about fat people....dontcha think?


----------



## Blackjack

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You know.....I'm thinking that perhaps there is a problem here with definitions/meanings. An "insecure/new/confused FA" might be one thing....and could even be what a lot of people are referring to in this thread. CLOSET, as in they think it's okay to hurt the people they want, FA could be considered a horse of a different color. When the young guy earlier in this thread posted, he didn't bother me, anger me or anything of that nature. He didn't say " I have a fat gf but I won't let her meet my friends" or anything like that....he just admitted he has problems with XYZ. He didn't actually DO anything to fat people (or that is the little bit I gather from his short post).....other than he definitely needs to reconsider whatever messages he has received in his lifetime.( I only had a problem when he came back to post about "being honest" He's not honest but I chose not to respond to him... )
> 
> The ones that lie/deceive/abuse....they probably aren't just that way with fat people. They are probably just shitty people from the get go....
> 
> I believe/support change........just think that it's dangerous to take away support from fat people in some attempt to "change" abusive people. People change themselves.....and only they have the power to do so. This place is full of fat people...watching all this catering to people that come here expressing their "shame" and sharing stories of treating another human being horribly simply because they are fat. That's one hell of a message to be passing out on a site about fat people....dontcha think?



By those definitions, then, the developing/confused/new/whatever FA's are the ones we're trying to help, and the closeted ones are the ones that we'd like to kick square in the nuts.



thatgirl08 said:


> It's just like, is it really that hard to be like, oh hey I'm going to date this fat girl.



For those without the confidence to do so, yes, it can be really that hard.

A little over three years ago it was a huge big thing for me that I was into fat chicks. I had thought that I would've been given the hairy eyeball and all sorts of mean nasty ugly things for admitting it, and when I started coming out to people about it, I was nervous as all hell. I was terrified to tell people about it. I'm still not quite sure why.

Anyways, I was met with a wave of "really? Huh." and things would move on. Knowing this now I can see how stupid I was to freak out so much about it; however, I didn't have anyone to tell me about how easy it would end up being. I didn't have any examples to follow, or a whole lot of open encouragement about it. I did have an environment where I felt comfortable, and that inspired me to find that bit of myself and get proud of it, but I can't help but think that there's some who, without more support, wouldn't have that urge to better themselves for it, who would prefer to stay where they are and be out online and tuck it away in their offline lives.

That's why I want to help the developing FAs. I went through it, and I believe that through people like us it can be an easier process.



mergirl said:


> I think i said in this post or the other one about the same thing..(which post am i posting in now btw?).... that surely the act of comming to dimensions in the first place..what with all the erm positive bbw and Fa folks and their beauty, honesty and intelligence would be enough to make any newbie Fa know he or she doesnt need to be in the closet??!



That's the inspiration and environment, yes, but active encouragement to get out of the closet would be better than just waiting for them to figure out that they have to do it.


----------



## thatgirl08

Yeah, I must just be too bitter right now because I still don't feel any sympathy. I'm done with this for awhile.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

thatgirl08 said:


> Yeah, I must just be too bitter right now because I still don't feel any sympathy. I'm done with this for awhile.



I don't perceive your posts as bitter. It's normal to feel defensive after someone has hurt you. It's normal to want to avoid those people/things. Nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and sharing your experiences.

I think you and I are talking about ABUSIVE people...while others might be only (hopefully) referring to younger, confused noobs. There is a difference........


----------



## mergirl

Blackjack said:


> That's the inspiration and environment, yes, but active encouragement to get out of the closet would be better than just waiting for them to figure out that they have to do it.



What exactly do you mean by active encouragement?


----------



## Haunted

Blackjack said:


> By those definitions, then, the developing/confused/new/whatever FA's are the ones we're trying to help, and the closeted ones are the ones that we'd like to kick square in the nuts.
> 
> 
> 
> For those without the confidence to do so, yes, it can be really that hard.
> 
> A little over three years ago it was a huge big thing for me that I was into fat chicks. I had thought that I would've been given the hairy eyeball and all sorts of mean nasty ugly things for admitting it, and when I started coming out to people about it, I was nervous as all hell. I was terrified to tell people about it. I'm still not quite sure why.
> 
> Anyways, I was met with a wave of "really? Huh." and things would move on. Knowing this now I can see how stupid I was to freak out so much about it; however, I didn't have anyone to tell me about how easy it would end up being. I didn't have any examples to follow, or a whole lot of open encouragement about it. I did have an environment where I felt comfortable, and that inspired me to find that bit of myself and get proud of it, but I can't help but think that there's some who, without more support, wouldn't have that urge to better themselves for it, who would prefer to stay where they are and be out online and tuck it away in their offline lives.
> 
> That's why I want to help the developing FAs. I went through it, and I believe that through people like us it can be an easier process.
> 
> 
> 
> That's the inspiration and environment, yes, but active encouragement to get out of the closet would be better than just waiting for them to figure out that they have to do it.




It was exactly the same for me, I was nervous and worried about what reaction i'd get and when there was none it was like well what was the big deal all about anyway


----------



## cinnamitch

thatgirl08 said:


> Yeah, I must just be too bitter right now because I still don't feel any sympathy. I'm done with this for awhile.



I agree. I myself feel like a sideshow freak


----------



## Blackjack

mergirl said:


> What exactly do you mean by active encouragement?



For examples, doing like I did above and relating my story, or suggesting that they take part in the fat-admirers.com site, answering their questions, that kind of stuff.


----------



## mergirl

hmm... anyway cats, i'm off to bed to cozy up to my hot bbw gf and tommorow i'm off for a long weekend to a log cabin with her! Fuck closets! goodnight. xx

P.S To any closeted Fa's...the only thing that belongs in closets are skeletons..and maby some sort of sparklesome dress.


----------



## thatgirl08

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I don't perceive your posts as bitter. It's normal to feel defensive after someone has hurt you. It's normal to want to avoid those people/things. Nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and sharing your experiences.
> 
> I think you and I are talking about ABUSIVE people...while others might be only (hopefully) referring to younger, confused noobs. *There is a difference........*



So true. 

I think the thing that really got me, is that I 'knew' I'd never be involved with someone who was a closet FA.. that I'd be able to tell, and I would avoid people like that but then somehow I got sucked in. Looking back, he was obviously very manipulative. Not only did I suffer the normal disappointments of realizing the person you're getting involved with is a jerk, but I was essentially told I was "embarrassing" by someone that I thought cared about me. I don't think he set out with the intention of screwing me over, I just think he was essentially too much of a pussy to suck it up and deal with 'coming out' so he decided to screw me over instead of dealing with getting a little flack from family and friends. How can you defend someone who is seriously that cowardly? I just can't.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

thatgirl08 said:


> So true.
> 
> I think the thing that really got me, is that I 'knew' I'd never be involved with someone who was a closet FA.. that I'd be able to tell, and I would avoid people like that but then somehow I got sucked in. Looking back, he was obviously very manipulative. Not only did I suffer the normal disappointments of realizing the person you're getting involved with is a jerk, but I was essentially told I was "embarrassing" by someone that I thought cared about me. I don't think he set out with the intention of screwing me over, I just think he was essentially too much of a pussy to suck it up and deal with 'coming out' so he decided to screw me over instead of dealing with getting a little flack from family and friends. *How can you defend someone who is seriously that cowardly? *I just can't.



You shouldn't.....always my point in these threads.


----------



## thatgirl08

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You shouldn't.....always my point in these threads.



Agreed. Like you said earlier, there needs to be a distinction made between true "Closet FA's" and those that are just "new FA's."


----------



## wrestlingguy

Let me break it down for you. Do we really need a forum to discuss the following?

*Closet FA.*







*Sort of out of the closet*





*True FA*


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye

wrestlingguy said:


> *True FA*



I want the fat one... WITH fries!


----------



## Haunted

Fyreflyintheskye said:


> I want the fat one... WITH fries!



And a shake !!!!!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

That all depends upon exactly what is shaking......


----------



## Blackjack

wrestlingguy said:


> Let me break it down for you.



Perfectly illustrated.

It's the "sort of out" ones that we're talking about helping, not the closeted ones.


----------



## Haunted

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> That all depends upon exactly what is shaking......



Touché Pussycat


----------



## MisticalMisty

I'm not going to comment specifically on any one post..I'm just going to throw my thoughts and ideas out there.


First, I think a sub forum is a great idea. Guys need a place to ask questions, etc without being made to feel like they are some perverted jerk. Too many times people are quick to pounce on a comment, post or thread and automatically make assumptions that may or may not be true. Benefit of the doubt is rarely given.

I get that women have been hurt in the past by guys..but that's not a fat girl phenom..and to be honest, some of the women here aren't prizes either. It bothers me when people are quick to generalize and peg all guys in that "oh he screwed me wrong, I'll never date an FA again" group.

I don't understand why a woman would be against a fa sub forum. I'm sure it would be moderated well and flaming etc wouldn't be allowed. 

I just don't get it.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

mergirl said:


> Much of the time when gay people are in the closet they are afraid of actual rejection to the point of being austrisized and sometimes even for their own personal safety. They dont not come out because they are afraid of what people will say about the other person they are seeing.
> I have never heard of any Fa's who actually came to physical harm or that were fucked up totally psychologically when they 'came out' unfortunatly this can happen when gay people come out.
> In conclusion
> When gay people dont come out it is usually through genuine fear.
> when Fa's dont come out it is usually through genuine cowardice.


 
Just because you have never heard of an FA who came to prysical or psychologica harm, Mergirl, does not mean that it has never happened. I can tell you from personal experience that one obstacle FAs have to overcome is "genuine fear" - fear of how family and friends (as well as complete strangers) will react.

I'm not saying that FAs deal with the exact same level of reaction that gay people do, but it's similar. 

And like I've said in other posts in this thread, it's not fair to use the term "closeted FAs" to refer to both FAs who are still coming to grips with their preference and those who only want a BBW where no one else can see. The former group is truly closeted - just like a gay person who has yet to come out. The latter group is made up of users, who should be avoided like the plague.


----------



## olwen

Does anybody know how often this FA board suggestion has come up?


----------



## LalaCity

Ok, if this is a problem of language then it's pretty easy to solve, imo.

"Closeted" FAs who prey on fat chicks for their sexual satisfaction but are ashamed to admit their preference publicly are fuckwits who deserve little more than a metaphorical kick in the nuts. 

"Emerging" FAs who come here seeking understanding and advice about their blossoming preference deserve guidance and acceptance. 

I think we've all witnessed at one point or another how a relatively innocent newb post -- typically reading something like, _"Hey guys, in the last few years I've become aware that I'm really turned on by fat girls but I'm confused by it since society says it's weird and all my friends only date skinny girls, etc."_ -- tends to draw a bit of unkind hazing, from both women _and_ men (men perhaps _more_ than women, at times)...and I think (or hope) that we can all agree that the ridiculing of sincere but confused newbs goes against the ethos of this board and probably the size acceptance movement, in general... 

And I think the general consensus in these discussions seems to be that coddling the jerks is _not_ worth anyone's time, but introducing a new FA to the wonderful community of Dimensions and the pleasures of Size Acceptance _is_...right?

Maybe there doesn't necessarily need to be a unique FA sub-forum, but it would be nice if there were an area of the board (a sticky thread, at least?) with defined rules which state explicitly that these guys deserve to be treated respectfully when they come here all blinky and wide-eyed over the fact that this movement exists and that they're not the freaks society would make them out to be for admiring the fat form -- and _maybe_ in the process we'd weed out the jerks by telling them to grow a pair or hit the bricks...all the while preserving the dignity of BBWs by firmly maintaining that demeaning language about the "C- social experience" of dating fat women (and that sort of thing) is really not tolerated by this community... Surely there's a solution that can be found to make everyone happy, if we put our collective brilliance to work...right?

Otherwise this conversation is going to keep cropping up periodically like some virtual Groundhog Day from which there is no escape until we all lose the plot....

Fighting over this stuff does none of us any good -- the FAs are too exhausted, after a day of this kind of back-and-forth, to form an erection and the BBWs are too pre-occupied with typing out righteous manifesti to remember to eat, thus whittling their once voluptuous physiques down to a size 0 and wiping out the community and the whole SA movement in the process...pretty self-defeating, if you ask me.


----------



## mossystate

MisticalMisty said:


> ... peg all guys in that "oh he screwed me wrong, I'll never date an FA again" group.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> See, this is something _I_ don't get. I am not seeing the stampede of women pegging all FA's. It's like this boogeyman that keeps getting thrown into the mix. Maybe I am just not seeing certain posts?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I don't understand why a woman would be against a fa sub-forum. I'm sure it would be moderated well and flaming etc wouldn't be allowed.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Well, I think it is fine...as long as there is a BBW sub-forum. Otherwise...and I keep banging on this pot...women are being told that our struggles can be easily complimented away...or...ignored. Some do not want this to become an ' us vs them ' thing...but that is exactly what it will be if only closeted FA's are seen as having real struggles. Why are you not asking for a BBW sub-forum? I suppose women could be encouraged to say ' BBW ONLY! ', when asking for advice, but, should they have to do that, if FA's get their safe spot? Some women are fine with the ' advice ' of " oooooo, girl, you are HOT..any man would be glad to be with your hotness ". Other women get that and then go back into themselves, to the bad/sad/angry places, but might not open their mouths ever again, because, after all, they got compliments, so why the hell are they down.
> 
> I will give support to any person not taking others down with them.
Click to expand...


----------



## Jon Blaze

olwen said:


> Does anybody know how often this FA board suggestion has come up?



A conversation like this isn't common. Most of the former threads about this are just calling closet FAs out, so *Shrugs*


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

MisticalMisty said:


> I'm not going to comment specifically on any one post..I'm just going to throw my thoughts and ideas out there.
> 
> 
> First, I think a sub forum is a great idea. Guys need a place to ask questions, etc without being made to feel like they are some perverted jerk. Too many times people are quick to pounce on a comment, post or thread and automatically make assumptions that may or may not be true. Benefit of the doubt is rarely given.
> 
> I get that women have been hurt in the past by guys..but that's not a fat girl phenom..and to be honest, some of the women here aren't prizes either. It bothers me when people are quick to generalize and peg all guys in that "oh he screwed me wrong, I'll never date an FA again" group.
> 
> I don't understand why a woman would be against a fa sub forum. I'm sure it would be moderated well and flaming etc wouldn't be allowed.
> 
> I just don't get it.


Could someone please rep Misty for me? Thanks.


----------



## Haunted

LalaCity said:


> Ok, if this is a problem of language then it's pretty easy to solve, imo.
> 
> "Closeted" FAs who prey on fat chicks for their sexual satisfaction but are ashamed to admit their preference publicly are fuckwits who deserve little more than a metaphorical kick in the nuts.
> 
> "Emerging" FAs who come here seeking understanding and advice about their blossoming preference deserve guidance and acceptance.
> 
> I think we've all witnessed at one point or another how a relatively innocent newb post -- typically reading something like, _"Hey guys, in the last few years I've become aware that I'm really turned on by fat girls but I'm confused by it since society says it's weird and all my friends only date skinny girls, etc."_ -- tends to draw a bit of unkind hazing, from both women _and_ men (men perhaps _more_ than women, at times)...and I think (or hope) that we can all agree that the ridiculing of sincere but confused newbs goes against the ethos of this board and probably the size acceptance movement, in general...
> 
> And I think the general consensus in these discussions seems to be that coddling the jerks is _not_ worth anyone's time, but introducing a new FA to the wonderful community of Dimensions and the pleasures of Size Acceptance _is_...right?
> 
> Maybe there doesn't necessarily need to be a unique FA sub-forum, but it would be nice if there were an area of the board (a sticky thread, at least?) with defined rules which state explicitly that these guys deserve to be treated respectfully when they come here all blinky and wide-eyed over the fact that this movement exists and that they're not the freaks society would make them out to be for admiring the fat form -- and _maybe_ in the process we'd weed out the jerks by telling them to grow a pair or hit the bricks...all the while preserving the dignity of BBWs by firmly maintaining that demeaning language about the "C- social experience" of dating fat women (and that sort of thing) is really not tolerated by this community... Surely there's a solution that can be found to make everyone happy, if we put our collective brilliance to work...right?
> 
> Otherwise this conversation is going to keep cropping up periodically like some virtual Groundhog Day from which there is no escape until we all lose the plot....
> 
> Fighting over this stuff does none of us any good -- the FAs are too exhausted, after a day of this kind of back-and-forth, to form an erection and the BBWs are too pre-occupied with typing out righteous manifesti to remember to eat, thus whittling their once voluptuous physiques down to a size 0 and wiping out the community and the whole SA movement in the process...pretty self-defeating, if you ask me.



Brilliant !


----------



## MisticalMisty

mossystate said:


> See, this is something _I_ don't get. I am not seeing the stampede of women pegging all FA's. It's like this boogeyman that keeps getting thrown into the mix. Maybe I am just not seeing certain posts?
> 
> 
> 
> Well, I think it is fine...as long as there is a BBW sub-forum. Otherwise...and I keep banging on this pot...women are being told that our struggles can be easily complimented away...or...ignored. Some do not want this to become an ' us vs them ' thing...but that is exactly what it will be if only closeted FA's are seen as having real struggles. Why are you not asking for a BBW sub-forum? I suppose women could be encouraged to say ' BBW ONLY! ', when asking for advice, but, should they have to do that, if FA's get their safe spot? Some women are fine with the ' advice ' of " oooooo, girl, you are HOT..any man would be glad to be with your hotness ". Other women get that and then go back into themselves, to the bad/sad/angry places, but might not open their mouths ever again, because, after all, they got compliments, so why the hell are they down.
> 
> I will give support to any person not taking others down with them.




I'm not begging for a sub forum for bbws because we basically have the run of the place and when a guy steps out of line he is moderated, posts deleted, etc.

What pisses me off is that there are many people that will jump all over a guy's post..even when he's innocently asking questions or stating his preference etc. It happens all the damn time on the weight board and there are those few women who feel the need to make negative comments, snark, etc in every damn thread. It gets old and tiresome.

In that forum, hopefully they would be able to discuss their preferences, ask questions, etc more openly without the fear of someone jumping all over them or immediately labeling them a troll.


----------



## MisticalMisty

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> Could someone please rep Misty for me? Thanks.



Thanks Wayne..but it's really not necessary.


----------



## mossystate

MisticalMisty said:


> I'm not begging for a sub forum for bbws because we basically have the run of the place and when a guy steps out of line he is moderated, posts deleted, etc.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well, I am talking about something a little deeper than this. I am talking about the basic attitude that if a woman is complimented enough, she has no worries. If a man desires her enough, _her_ troubles should magically disappear. There are many fat women who need to say things that will not just be met with simplistic platitudes.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> What pisses me off is that there are many people that will jump all over a guy's post..even when he's innocently asking questions or stating his preference etc. It happens all the damn time on the weight board and there are those few women who feel the need to make negative comments, snark, etc in every damn thread. It gets old and tiresome.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Really interesting that you don't seem to see the MANY men who go after people on the Weight board. Maybe you just don't like the few women who do it, so you are blind to the men who are extremely snarky.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> In that forum, hopefully they would be able to discuss their preferences, ask questions, etc...
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Yeah, and I want the same for fat women. I want that not everything gets reduced to how many pictures she posts, in terms of how much ' support ' she gets.
Click to expand...


----------



## MisticalMisty

mossystate said:


> Well, I am talking about something a little deeper than this. I am talking about the basic attitude that if a woman is complimented enough, she has no worries. If a man desires her enough, _her_ troubles should magically disappear. There are many fat women who need to say things that will not just be met with simplistic platitudes.



That's not my mindset when it comes to bbws and confidence, esteem, etc. I've been that fat girl who thought she was just a pretty face, etc. It's been a long, hard road to get where I am today, but to his credit, my first FA was a good guy, introduced me to Dims and that's how my journey began. I think that's why I'm so passionate about FAs having a spot that they can talk about their preference etc without ridicule. Let them post some of the not so well thought out threads in that forum..have men like James, Jay and the rest of the great men we have here be there to mentor and advise on how to really interact respectfully with the women on this board. I think and I could be wrong, but I really feel that so many FAs are like kids in a candy store when stumbling upon dimensions and it can be a lot to handle at one time.





mossystate said:


> Really interesting that you don't seem to see the MANY men who go after people on the Weight board. Maybe you just don't like the few women who do it, so you are blind to the men who are extremely snarky.



I do notice and they seem to be taken care of quickly and effectively. It's not the same as the women that do it. It's habitual and rather unproductive.




mossystate said:


> Yeah, and I want the same for fat women. I want that not everything gets reduced to how many pictures she posts, in terms of how much ' support ' she gets.


I completely agree. It sometimes breaks my heart to see some women who feel like they have to expose themselves continually for compliments to make themselves feel better. It's hard to watch, but I realize it's a part of their personal journey. I wish there was an easier way..etc..but each person's journey is different.


----------



## MisticalMisty

I was having a conversation with someone through pm and this came up **Posted with permission**

Honestly, I can understand for women who have been hurt by closeted FAs that it can be very emotional to hear things that sound even close to closeted talk. I also know as a woman that there ARE men who use and abuse. But to be truthful, these FA threads always hurt me as an FA. I know that many of the very same women who are being so hard on the men would say "but FFAs are different" but the problem is, for a lot of the fear, confusion and history of coming to terms with being FAs, we're actually very much the same. It makes you start to feel bad because I do get where some of the men are coming from and to me there is a huge and obvious difference between the confused and the closeted. *And I spent a long time amongst the confused, and it was a difficult journey at times and while I don't expect pity, I think some understanding for the confusion would be nice for the FAs to receive and not have to fight for. I know it's not the same as facing fat phobia as a fat person, but it isn't the easiest road either and to be told that expressing anything but immediate out and loud proud FA behavior or you're a jerk or a coward can feel a little painful.*

The emphasis is mine. THIS is why these threads are harmful and THIS is why the separate forum would serve such a great purpose.


----------



## elle camino

MisticalMisty said:


> and to be told that expressing anything but immediate out and loud proud FA behavior or you're a jerk or a coward can feel a little painful.



who's saying that, though?


----------



## mossystate

MisticalMisty said:


> I think that's why I'm so passionate about FAs having a spot that they can talk about their preference etc without ridicule.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I think we are saying the same thing. People DO need safe places on which to land, when the thoughts in their heads become so confused and scary. Now, I am not talking about men who keep fat women as dirty secrets. But...again...while it might seem like women have the run of this place...they don't...at all.
> 
> There is a huge difference between getting what is basically a pep talk, whose effects might be shortlived, and being able to roll up her sleeves and get real answers and solid advice for _her_ struggles. When a person...fat/thin/male/female...needs to really be heard, they do not want to have to steel themselves for the inevitable onslaught of what they know they will get, and will have to sift through to find the helpful.
> 
> I went through a situation when I was in high school. My parents bought a couple of grocery stores and we had to move. I had spent 5 years at a school and I was not able to graduate with my class. The new school was ok, but I was really depressed that my senior year was not as I imagined it would be. After 3 months, I asked my parents to please talk to the principal and see if he would let me finish classes at a community college. My dad went to talk to the guy.
> 
> The principal looked at my record and said I was doing so well that he only required I take one class and that I would get my diploma. My dad told me that the principal asked why I wanted to stop going to that school. My dad only knew part of the reason...there is always more than meets the eye. The princpal said, after hearing that I was depressed...................................." Oh, but Monique is so pretty...I would think she would have all the friends she wanted and her time here would be great "
> 
> Tha's what I see so often here at Dims...women being basically dismissed...just in a different way, wrapped in compliments. There are many hurting women out here who need much more than the superficial, and cannot freely express themselves. Yelling and stroking can be different sides of the same coin. Both can make people retreat.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I completely agree. It sometimes breaks my heart to see some women who feel like they have to expose themselves continually for compliments to make themselves feel better. It's hard to watch, but I realize it's a part of their personal journey. I wish there was an easier way..etc..but each person's journey is different.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Well, some women see that it ' works '...at least for those few moments. Lots of men praising them is heady, but not something some should be doing ( the pic posting...and not saying pics are bad, in and of themselves...etc..etc..I have posted pics ). I also think more men could think a bit more before the compliment. It's a fucked up dance at times.
Click to expand...


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

> Originally Posted by *MisticalMisty*
> 
> 
> _and to be told that expressing anything but immediate out and loud proud FA behavior or you're a jerk or a coward can feel a little painful._


 


elle camino said:


> who's saying that, though?


 
Please refer to Post #360.


----------



## elle camino

it says 'out', and that means different things to different people. it doesn't say 'out, loud, and proud'. 
so, my question stands.


----------



## swordchick

I think there is a need for a sub forum for fat admirers. The men and women who have dated and/or married a fat person should be the ones to advise others that lack experience. I am bi-sizual but I have never been ashamed of my preferences. But I live in the south and you see a lot of men and women who openly date fat people. Also my mother is bi-sizual. My dad was really tall and fat. So I never had to come out. I have never felt bad about my preferences in men.

It is hard to respect or like someone who will not let you meet their friends & family and can't be with you in public. This also goes for anyone who refuses to put up a photo and put information on their profiles. Dims should be a safe place for that. I get friend requests in myspace from males that only have fat women as their friends but they do not participate in any fat community. I also refuse that and the request of photos. I rarely post my photos in this forum because I do not want to be a part of someone's fatty collection. I can't accept that someone is afraid to be with me because of what others might think about my fat body or my dark skin.

I hope that some of FAs in the closet will reach out for support.


----------



## LillyBBBW

elle camino said:


> who's saying that, though?



Yes, who IS saying that? Other than a few people who claim that's how they roll, who is saying that one must be talking loud and drawing a crowd?


----------



## superodalisque

i think it would be a great idea for FAs to have their own private forum. they have thier own issues that it would be unrealistic for other people to understand or relate to no matter how close they feel they are to the issue. somehow it takes the punch out of what an experienced FA might have to lend to a conversation because his opinion might get lost amongst the chatter. i think it would also end this thing where people who are not FAs rush in to take a part that might not be thiers. there are a lot of times i have noticed that people who are not FAs have taken offense to different things that have been said on the forums that even FAs don't have an issue with. it might make them feel sad or hurt that people might feel that way but often they get it and are capable of responding appropriately on thier own. i imagine it would also be frustrating to have your answer to such a response being taken over by someone,who though well meaning, only knows part of the story. i find in talking with people on a one to one basis that most FAs are not as touchy as other folks are when having an honest and respectful discussion. so instead of having an issue taken over by people who are not FAs and thereby cutting down their means of communication it would be a good idea to have a place where they can speak for themselves. i think that it would be especially helpful to the FAs who are trying to make sense of things to talk to and with people who have been through it and know the ropes. its hard for them to get that when its been shown over and over again on the forums that there isn't the restraint needed that would allow them to be able to talk about an issue uninterrupted. too bad i wouldn't be able to read what it said. i bet i would learn a lot that i can't in here.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

mossystate said:


> Well, I think it is fine...as long as there is a BBW sub-forum. Otherwise...and I keep banging on this pot...women are being told that our struggles can be easily complimented away...or...ignored. Some do not want this to become an ' us vs them ' thing...but that is exactly what it will be if only closeted FA's are seen as having real struggles. Why are you not asking for a BBW sub-forum? I suppose women could be encouraged to say ' BBW ONLY! ', when asking for advice, but, should they have to do that, if FA's get their safe spot? Some women are fine with the ' advice ' of " oooooo, girl, you are HOT..any man would be glad to be with your hotness ". Other women get that and then go back into themselves, to the bad/sad/angry places, but might not open their mouths ever again, because, after all, they got compliments, so why the hell are they down.
> 
> I will give support to any person not taking others down with them.




Yep, yep and yep....and I am thoroughly disgusted by the attitude that all women are bitches around here. That alone is a good reason for a BBW forum. A place where we can go without all the bullshit from guys that hate women in this place. 
Oh and the women that seem to hate other women, too. They can stay out here with all the victimized menfolk.


----------



## swordchick

I absolutely agree. It is so sad.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Yep, yep and yep....and I am thoroughly disgusted by the attitude that all women are bitches around here. That alone is a good reason for a BBW forum. A place where we can go without all the bullshit from guys that hate women in this place.
> Oh and the women that seem to hate other women, too. They can stay out here with all the victimized menfolk.


----------



## mossystate

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Yep, yep and yep....and I am thoroughly disgusted by the attitude that all women are bitches around here. That alone is a good reason for a BBW forum. A place where we can go without all the bullshit from guys that hate women in this place.
> Oh and the women that seem to hate other women, too. They can stay out here with all the victimized menfolk.



It really is the only fair and decent thing. I think one of the problems is that there is a mindset that women are only here to be ' admired '. The woman as a person is second to the flash and spark she brings to the table. She is ' star of the show '...and a real trooper knows she slaps a smile on that mug and knows the show must go on, no matter all the things that make her sigh and make her chest tighten. That might be enough for some women, just as some men are content with coming here to use the site solely for eye candy......but we are seeing that lots of people do come here for much more than that..............male AND female.

It is really a tired attitiude that women should be content being wanted, and that the ' poor men ' need that man cave...that sacred space. I mean, the gals have the whole house...right? Look at those shiny appliances and the pretty wallpaper...oooooooooooo. Push to the side all the fun and superficial...' the run of the place '. Fairness is a beautiful and necessary thing.


----------



## TraciJo67

mossystate said:


> It really is the only fair and decent thing. I think one of the problems is that there is a mindset that women are only here to be ' admired '. The woman as a person is second to the flash and spark she brings to the table. She is ' star of the show '...and a real trooper knows she slaps a smile on that mug and knows the show must go on, no matter all the things that make her sigh and make her chest tighten. That might be enough for some women, just as some men are content with coming here to use the site solely for eye candy......but we are seeing that lots of people do come here for much more than that..............male AND female.
> 
> It is really a tired attitiude that women should be content being wanted, and that the ' poor men ' need that man cave...that sacred space. I mean, the gals have the whole house...right? Look at those shiny appliances and the pretty wallpaper...oooooooooooo. Push to the side all the fun and superficial...' the run of the place '. Fairness is a beautiful and necessary thing.



What bothers me far, far more than the "let's show support for our poor, misunderstood closeted FA" are the women who (for reasons of their own, I won't speculate) stab other women in the back when they express their (quite righteous) indignation over the issue. 

I don't have to sympathize with the plight of the closet FA. If I choose to, that just makes me an extraordinarily empathetic person. Color me ordinary, because I can't and I don't sympathize. A fat woman isn't a dirty secret. Anyone who thinks otherwise -- for whatever reason -- is not someone whom I'd ever want to be with. And for those "extraordinarily empathetic" women out there who choose to understand their plight ... how about extending some freaking courtesy to those of us who choose not to, instead of pinning those same misogynistic badges on us that your male counterparts do?


----------



## TraciJo67

Duplicate posting


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

omfgicouldnthelpmyself


----------



## mossystate

TraciJo67 said:


> What bothers me far, far more than the "let's show support for our poor, misunderstood closeted FA" are the women who (for reasons of their own, I won't speculate) stab other women in the back when they express their (quite righteous) indignation over the issue.
> 
> I don't have to sympathize with the plight of the closet FA. If I choose to, that just makes me an extraordinarily empathetic person. Color me ordinary, because I can't and I don't sympathize. A fat woman isn't a dirty secret. Anyone who thinks otherwise -- for whatever reason -- is not someone whom I'd ever want to be with. And for those "extraordinarily empathetic" women out there who choose to understand their plight ... how about extending some freaking courtesy to those of us who choose not to, instead of pinning those same misogynistic badges on us that your male counterparts do?



Many women do not want to risk not being seen by men. Those women will simply not extend to other women, or to themselves, the courtesies they extend to people who are potential dates, mates, or admirers. Many women check what they say, before they say it...much more than some men. Men who use the very sexist language tend to not think twice about it, because they know, on an almost cellular level, there will always be women who will turn a blind eye. Lots of women don't want to displease, even though some men have no problem being oh so free with what they say...being offensive be damned.


----------



## TraciJo67

mossystate said:


> Many women do not want to risk not being seen by men. *Those women will simply not extend to other women, or to themselves, the courtesies they extend to people who are potential dates, mates, or admirers*. Many women check what they say, before they say it...much more than some men. Men who use the very sexist language tend to not think twice about it, because they know, on an almost cellular level, there will always be women who will turn a blind eye. Lots of women don't want to displease, even though some men have no problem being oh so free with what they say...being offensive be damned.



Well, that explains why I'm so enamored of your mean, snarky ass, Ms. Thang.


----------



## superodalisque

mossystate said:


> Many women do not want to risk not being seen by men. Those women will simply not extend to other women, or to themselves, the courtesies they extend to people who are potential dates, mates, or admirers. .[/QUOTE
> 
> well said. and i want to add that sometimes BBWs go overboard and say stuff and defend things that even a lot of FAs wouldn't defend. for an FA who is kinda a confusnik this is one of the main reasons why it might be a good idea to have an all FA board. he wouldn't have people who are the object of his desire possibly misleading (mainly because they are still exploring who they are themselves) and outposting him for whatever reason. he wouldn't have to worry about contradicting and maybe embarrassing somebody who wanted to come to his defense.
> 
> sometimes its better to talk to folks who have actually had your experiences instead of someone who is philosopizing. we know how relationships are. people say one thing in public but when they are in private sometimes they react another way entirely. so maybe its better if they can talk to someone who has dated and had experiences with BBW and the FA lifestyle without interjection from people who don't have that personal knowledge, or people who ridicule and stop a feeling of freedom and the flow of useful information that might bring someone out of the closet.
> 
> this kinda reminds me of the SSBBW board. a lot of people blame us for being SSBBWs. they say its our own fault if we got to this size and if we have issues with it its because we went too far. so a lot of people made it hard for SSBBWs to discuss thier issues for fear of judgement and even open disgust. and sometimes, even the people who were friends who tried to defend us said the wrong things entirely. i don't feel sorry for closet FAs myself but i think thats an opportunity they should have. i have mine. everyone deserves as much help and support as they can get to improve. its hard for anybody to change without some kind of support. if its coming from other FAs then its no skin off a BBWs teeth. that doesn't mean anybody has to accept closet behavior. i know i don't. its just another potential tool to try and help and get rid of it--which we hope is the goal.
> 
> PS: i really don't notice too many women holding back on this thread. i think we can hold our own with any man in a debate and probably beat them into silence which is not the same as submission. it only means they'll ignore us and feel justified in continuing behavior that might not be kosher.


----------



## altered states

For what it's worth, this controversy between FAs and fat women and having different expectations from Dimensions predates even this website. I recall Conrad writing about it in the print magazine way back when.


----------



## Smushygirl

tres huevos said:


> For what it's worth, this controversy between FAs and fat women and having different expectations from Dimensions predates even this website. I recall Conrad writing about it in the print magazine way back when.



Let's face it, men here mostly think of this as a porn site, and women here are mostly looking for community. The trouble begins when men treat the women looking for community like pay site girls. 

Shortly after I joined, I stopped posting cheesecakey pictures of myself. It's not because I am not confident or proud of my body, it was because of the predators and closeted FA's. If my vagina is empty and I am not making money, what would be the point of posting pictures and/or being "supportive" for closet cases, married men, and those with thin significant others to wank? I'm sure for some that is a good and fun thing, for me it was detrimental.

Does that make it easier to understand? 

I know this sounds like I am mad, but I'm not. I am friends here with many people, married, coupled, single, male and female. I just had to sort that out for myself, so that I wouldn't think I was crazy.


----------



## bbwsrule

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> Could someone please rep Misty for me? Thanks.




Done. And I agree with everything she said as well.


----------



## katorade

Ella Bella said:


> Gonna go out on a limb here and if anyone feels the need to throw rocks go ahead...
> 
> I think that a woman who allows herself to be dated by a "closeted fa" (basically movies at your house, then fucking after) but not dated publicly does so because she has low self esteem. Otherwise why would she allow herself to be treated that way?




I think that a large part of the problem, one that is not specific to just fat women, is that a LOT of women tend to get in relationships with men they think they can "fix", or that they can be that _one woman_ who can make him change his mind and come out of whatever closet he's hiding in, whether it's being a fat admirer, or a fan of designer clothing, or an accomplished artist of some sort...we've all known at least one woman who fancied herself to be the backbone of support for her man in an area that SHE deemed desirable. In the case of a lot of FA/BBW relationships, she thinks she can be the one to finally make him come out and say he's proud of who he is and, more importantly, that he's proud of HER.

I'll probably get flamed for saying it, but I think a lot of women need to take more responsibility in the decisions they make when entering the dating world and not feel so scorned when a relationship that starts off rocky STAYS rocky. It doesn't get rocky just when you've decided you've had enough of his bullshit and lack of change, it got rocky when you entered into a relationship with someone that didn't immediately make you happy.

---------------------------------------------------

On the subject of the "who gets to be more butt hurt about society hating them" debate, I can't honestly believe that's up for discussion, and I'm not just saying that as a fat chick. 

Society is far more judgmental about what people OUTWARDLY ARE than for what preferences they hold. You see a much crueler world if you are fat, or ugly, or extremely short, or have a googley eye, or a third nipple, or are missing a limb, etc., than you do if you simply have an opinion about something (as long as those opinions are legal and at least ethical). 

People might think you are WEIRD for having a preference and may even taunt or scorn you to some degree, but society as a whole does not shun or abhor you. For every FA getting beat up in grade school for liking fat chicks, I can name at least 20 people who were beaten up for something equally as stupid, but were able to overcome that and realize how RIDICULOUS their tormentors were in a very short period of time. 

More often than not, people that stand up for their beliefs garner some respect from others simply for the fact that they are "brave enough" to do it. People that stand up for who they _are_ rarely get as much respect for it and might typically be viewed as someone delusional or self-appeasing or just trying to make themselves feel better about something they can't change. 

I say this as someone who both stands up for who they are and stands for what I believe in. Nobody has ever had a serious unprovoked problem with me for my beliefs, but I have had near constant unprovoked attacks on my self-esteem for who I am. That is why I, personally, have an issue with whiney pussy FAs who think they have it oh-so-bad.


----------



## mossystate

katorade said:


> I'll probably get flamed for saying it, but I think a lot of women need to take more responsibility in the decisions they make when entering the dating world and not feel so scorned when a relationship that starts off rocky STAYS rocky. It doesn't get rocky just when you've decided you've had enough of his bullshit and lack of change, it got rocky when you entered into a relationship with someone that didn't immediately make you happy.



Nope. No flaming from me. When I see women complaining about the same man ( ok...different men...same type ), over and over and over, I just want to scream. Sure, it can take some time to stop making the bad relationship choices. There has to be a point where you back up and take some responsibility...unless you get off on the drama. Oh, and, men certainly do the same thing, whine about the women who seem to always do them wrong.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Fellas, the thing is the women here ARE being supportive. They ARE being allies. All this shouting and posturing is an attempt to try to keep you from making a big mistake that could ruin your life and the life of some happless girl whose done nothing to deserve being hurt. It's rare anybody comes out of the womb high kicking and ready to go. People have to start from somewhere and nobody expects you to be the guy on the white horse right off. I don't think anyone holds any real animosity for the tender young squire trying to make his way along. 

What I would like for you to bear in mind is that a large majority of the damage done the women here that has turned us into the twisted creatures you see before you came at the hands of a person not unlike yourself. Nice guy with a good heart but a little uncertain. He saw one of us and really wanted to get to know us. He figured he'd sorta coast his way along and grow stronger as he went because 'Jenn' was sooo cool. It always seems like a good idea at the time. The thing is, when concept meets reality and you're not ready you start to make mistakes. Awful stupid mistakes that later result in the terms 'shithead' and 'asshole' being hurled art your head though you're really such a nice guy, really. Too late, you've screwed up and you've hurt someone deeply. It doesn't feel good for either of you.

The basic thing we're trying to get cross is please don't experiment with people when you know you are not fully ready to be out. All things happen in due time. It WILL happen for you but to do soemthing prematurely will ruin you. Don't practice on anyone or think you can be smooth and slick enough to make your way through unlike those assholes we met. She'll sense it, she'll know it and it will hurt her - badly, then she'll wind up here in this thread naming you 'Horace' in a story to protect your identity. Seriously, that's all we're trying to say to you with a little anger tossed in because we can't help it. It's like glitter, it gets on everything. Make sure you've got your shit together BEFORE you think to get involved with a fattie. Your pensiveness my roll off your back like water but on a bbw it's like battery acid and it leaves a bad burn. She can't touch it and you shouldnt bring it near her. It's something you just have to do on your own. Grand for you if you can find a fellow FA to talk to which may smooth out the ride a little but really it's a path you're meant to walk alone.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Nobody can avoid running into people who do them wrong. You meet people and either they are good people or shitty people. If they're good people, you're happy. If they're shitty they make you sad or angry and you have to act accordingly. One might have the most mature attitude in the world about all this and yet and still what has been seen cannot be unseen and there is still a story to come away with that leaves an impression. I don't think it's a good trend to blame a person for being angry because they were burned or taken for a ride. If people could prevent it it would never happen.


----------



## Fascinita

LillyBBBW said:


> *Fellas, the thing is the women here ARE being supportive. They ARE being allies. All this shouting and posturing is an attempt to try to keep you from making a big mistake that could ruin your life and the life of some happless girl whose done nothing to deserve being hurt. It's rare anybody comes out of the womb high kicking and ready to go. People have to start from somewhere and nobody expects you to be the guy on the white horse right off. I don't think anyone holds any real animosity for the tender young squire trying to make his way along.
> *
> What I would like for you to bear in mind is that a large majority of the damage done the women here that has turned us into the twisted creatures you see before you came at the hands of a person not unlike yourself. Nice guy with a good heart but a little uncertain. He saw one of us and really wanted to get to know us. He figured he'd sorta coast his way along and grow stronger as he went because 'Jenn' was sooo cool. It always seems like a good idea at the time. The thing is, when concept meets reality and you're not ready you start to make mistakes. Awful stupid mistakes that later result in the terms 'shithead' and 'asshole' being hurled art your head though you're really such a nice guy, really. Too late, you've screwed up and you've hurt someone deeply. It doesn't feel good for either of you.
> 
> The basic thing we're trying to get cross is please don't experiment with people when you know you are not fully ready to be out. All things happen in due time. It WILL happen for you but to do soemthing prematurely will ruin you. Don't practice on anyone or think you can be smooth and slick enough to make your way through unlike those assholes we met. She'll sense it, she'll know it and it will hurt her - badly, then she'll wind up here in this thread naming you '*Horace*' in a story to protect your identity. Seriously, that's all we're trying to say to you with a little anger tossed in because we can't help it. It's like glitter, it gets on everything. Make sure you've got your shit together BEFORE you think to get involved with a fattie. Your pensiveness my roll off your back like water but on a bbw it's like battery acid and it leaves a bad burn. She can't touch it and you shouldnt bring it near her. It's something you just have to do on your own. Grand for you if you can find a fellow FA to talk to which may smooth out the ride a little but really it's a path you're meant to walk alone.



BINGO!

Goddamn. And funny, to boot.

Lilly, you rock the Casbah.

(I just don't get why it's so difficult to understand that fat people are _people_ and that we desire everyday, regular lives, just like everyone else. Stay in the closet, whatever that means to you, or beat yourself into a froth about pushing the cultural envelope if "transgressive cool" is your thing--and good luck finding tender, inexperienced fatties to rub your needs up against. I just don't want it to be me or any woman I respect and care about. Your FA identity is yours to create as you see fit. Prove whatever it is you have to prove to yourself (since it's nobody else's business who you want to bone, and nobody else gets to live your life.) Deal with the consequences of your choices and seek advice and support as you can from your allies. Just don't expect a fattie to take it lying down when you go around promoting ideas that posit fat people as less than people (the idea that fat people should be expected to "understand" and "support" those who are ashamed of their own appreciation for fat bodies definitely builds on an assumption that somehow fat people are entitled to less than the full measure of dignity allowed everyone else, while the idea of the SuperFA who will deliver us helpless fatties from evil builds on an assumption that fat people are less than competent at knowing how to promote their own best interest) and ESPECIALLY do not ask me to cooperate with making you feel better about yourself while you work out how you _really_ feel about being known as someone who *gasp* is attracted to _fat_ people--how _tabboo_ it is! 

The fat admirers I love are the ones who *treat me as a person, not as a means to their own ends.* Less fully-evolved "FAs" could do a lot worse than to hold themselves to that standard. Whoever's not ready for that, please stay away from fat people. It's simple.)


----------



## James

LillyBBBW said:


> Fellas, the thing is the women here ARE being supportive. They ARE being allies. All this shouting and posturing is an attempt to try to keep you from making a big mistake that could ruin your life and the life of some happless girl whose done nothing to deserve being hurt. It's rare anybody comes out of the womb high kicking and ready to go. People have to start from somewhere and nobody expects you to be the guy on the white horse right off. I don't think anyone holds any real animosity for the tender young squire trying to make his way along.
> 
> What I would like for you to bear in mind is that a large majority of the damage done the women here that has turned us into the twisted creatures you see before you came at the hands of a person not unlike yourself. Nice guy with a good heart but a little uncertain. He saw one of us and really wanted to get to know us. He figured he'd sorta coast his way along and grow stronger as he went because 'Jenn' was sooo cool. It always seems like a good idea at the time. The thing is, when concept meets reality and you're not ready you start to make mistakes. Awful stupid mistakes that later result in the terms 'shithead' and 'asshole' being hurled art your head though you're really such a nice guy, really. Too late, you've screwed up and you've hurt someone deeply. It doesn't feel good for either of you.
> 
> The basic thing we're trying to get cross is please don't experiment with people when you know you are not fully ready to be out. All things happen in due time. It WILL happen for you but to do soemthing prematurely will ruin you. Don't practice on anyone or think you can be smooth and slick enough to make your way through unlike those assholes we met. She'll sense it, she'll know it and it will hurt her - badly, then she'll wind up here in this thread naming you 'Horace' in a story to protect your identity. Seriously, that's all we're trying to say to you with a little anger tossed in because we can't help it. It's like glitter, it gets on everything. Make sure you've got your shit together BEFORE you think to get involved with a fattie. Your pensiveness my roll off your back like water but on a bbw it's like battery acid and it leaves a bad burn. She can't touch it and you shouldnt bring it near her. It's something you just have to do on your own. Grand for you if you can find a fellow FA to talk to which may smooth out the ride a little but really it's a path *you're meant to walk alone*.


 
I can attempt to put myself in the shoes of a bbw, empathise and agree with everything you are saying with the exception of the last point.

FAs don't often know other FAs... and just in the same way that BBWs choose to seek community and understanding from other BBWS, FAs (well some FAs at least) can and do benefit from FA community. You can walk alone as a BBW or an FA but I think its hard to argue that doing so is the only way, or the best way?

I've always found the company of other FAs a reassurance and an affirming thing. I can and I have walked it alone but frankly its better if you have someone to relate to when a whole multitude of FA-specific issues come up... I didnt have that as a confused kid; with angry parents who burned my drawings of fat women at age 10; who labeled me as mentally ill at age 15 and who threatened to disown me in recent years after I wrote (published) articles on being an FA and appeared on tv to talk about being an FA. In fact, my mother has all but cut me out of herlife folllowing the decision I made to move to the US for love of a BBW. 

I have faced derision and judgement from former friends and in some cases, work colleagues. Not to mention, the plethora of realities that come up through the learning curve that an FA goes through when actually dating large (or very large) women. I'm an advocate of being an FA but there is so much that I would have loved to have been able to have advice and understanding on, over the years... 

Over the last 3 years or so, I have made a bunch of friends who are FAs in real life. We dont go around being douchebags or swapping tips on how to objectify women. Intra-FA discussion is positive in my experience. In general, sharing experiences and discussing realities is an enlightening and great thing for us I think? If such an atmosphere could be fostered somewhere online, I think that many could be helped and many would benefit from the 'community' experience in general... I know if I had had the chance to do so back when I was 10 years younger, I would have wanted to take it...


----------



## LillyBBBW

James said:


> I can attempt to put myself in the shoes of a bbw, empathise and agree with everything you are saying with the exception of the last point.
> 
> FAs don't often know other FAs... and just in the same way that BBWs choose to seek community and understanding from other BBWS, FAs (well some FAs at least) can and do benefit from FA community. You can walk alone as a BBW or an FA but I think its hard to argue that doing so is the only way, or the best way?
> 
> I've always found the company of other FAs a reassurance and an affirming thing. I can and I have walked it alone but frankly its better if you have someone to relate to when a whole multitude of FA-specific issues come up... I didnt have that as a confused kid; with angry parents who burned my drawings of fat women at age 10; who labeled me as mentally ill at age 15 and who threatened to disown me in recent years after I wrote (published) articles on being an FA and appeared on tv to talk about being an FA. In fact, my mother has all but cut me out of my life folllowing the decision I made to move to the US for love of a BBW.
> 
> I have faced derision and judgement from former friends and in some cases, work colleagues. Not to mention, the plethora of realities that come up through the learning curve that an FA goes through when actually dating large (or very large) women. I'm an advocate of being an FA but there is so much that I would have loved to have been able to have advice and understanding on, over the years...
> 
> Over the last 3 years or so, I have made a bunch of friends who are FAs in real life. We dont go around being douchebags or swapping tips on how to objectify women. Intra-FA discussion is positive in my experience. In general, sharing experiences and discussing realities is an enlightening and great thing for us I think? If such an atmosphere could be fostered somewhere online, I think that many could be helped and many would benefit from the 'community' experience in general... I know if I had had the chance to do so back when I was 10 years younger, I would have wanted to take it...



I agree James. I suppose i should clarify. When i say 'walk alone' I was meaning without a partner. I've tried desperately to avoid using kitchy new aged terms and descriptions but the concept of two complete people coming together is what I'm thinking. I think an FA should form his own person and not as a surrogate if what I'm saying makes sense. Surely I'm all for the idea of FA's supporting each other in a forum or some other such manner but I don't think that support can or should come from a romantic parner. I'm out of my element as to describing just why but I think it's extremely unhealthy for an FA to come to outness this way even if the fat girl were into it.

I'll have to think on this a bit more to formulate a clearer response but I wanted to atempt to clarify right way.


----------



## James

LillyBBBW said:


> I agree James. I suppose i should clarify. When i say 'walk alone' I was meaning without a partner. I've tried desperately to avoid using kitchy new aged terms and descriptions but the concept of two complete people coming together is what I'm thinking. I think an FA should form his own person and not as a surrogate if what I'm saying makes sense. Surely I'm all for the idea of FA's supporting each other in a forum or some other such manner but I don't think that support can or should come from a romantic parner. I'm out of my element as to describing just why but I think it's extremely unhealthy for an FA to come to outness this way even if the fat girl were into it.
> 
> I'll have to think on this a bit more to formulate a clearer response but I wanted to atempt to clarify right way.


 
Sure, everyone should be themselves and not pull others down in the process of 'becoming'... I just think that there are ways to speed up and improve that process. Taking the burden away from 'becoming-via-relationship-experimentation' and shifting it to 'FA-community' seems like the best idea for all to me?


----------



## LillyBBBW

James said:


> Sure, everyone should be themselves and not pull others down in the process of 'becoming'... I just think that there are ways to speed up and improve that process. Taking the burden away from 'becoming-via-relationship-experimentation' and shifting it to 'FA-community' seems like the best idea for all to me?



There are people who seem to be a little salty on the idea but I like it.


----------



## olwen

James said:


> I can attempt to put myself in the shoes of a bbw, empathise and agree with everything you are saying with the exception of the last point.
> 
> FAs don't often know other FAs... and just in the same way that BBWs choose to seek community and understanding from other BBWS, FAs (well some FAs at least) can and do benefit from FA community. You can walk alone as a BBW or an FA but I think its hard to argue that doing so is the only way, or the best way?
> 
> I've always found the company of other FAs a reassurance and an affirming thing. I can and I have walked it alone but frankly its better if you have someone to relate to when a whole multitude of FA-specific issues come up... I didnt have that as a confused kid; with angry parents who burned my drawings of fat women at age 10; who labeled me as mentally ill at age 15 and who threatened to disown me in recent years after I wrote (published) articles on being an FA and appeared on tv to talk about being an FA. In fact, my mother has all but cut me out of herlife folllowing the decision I made to move to the US for love of a BBW.
> 
> I have faced derision and judgement from former friends and in some cases, work colleagues. Not to mention, the plethora of realities that come up through the learning curve that an FA goes through when actually dating large (or very large) women. I'm an advocate of being an FA but there is so much that I would have loved to have been able to have advice and understanding on, over the years...
> 
> Over the last 3 years or so, I have made a bunch of friends who are FAs in real life. We dont go around being douchebags or swapping tips on how to objectify women. Intra-FA discussion is positive in my experience. In general, sharing experiences and discussing realities is an enlightening and great thing for us I think? If such an atmosphere could be fostered somewhere online, I think that many could be helped and many would benefit from the 'community' experience in general... I know if I had had the chance to do so back when I was 10 years younger, I would have wanted to take it...



"Go it alone" has more than one meaning for me. First, yes, the onus of any attempts they make to work thru their confusion is on them and no one else. That's something they have to develop. No one can do that for them. This is exactly the same advice I'd give to a bbw working thru confidence issues. No one can give her confidence, she has to find it within herself. No amount of cajolling pep talks is gonna change that if she doesn't make an effort. Same for a confused FA. They have to deal with that fear and the confidence issues within themselves. 

Second, they really shouldn't expect a bbw to be sympathetic to their pain. It seems cruel to me to do so. However if they do reach out to fat people and someone steps in and decides to help them then that's fine. Let em do it if they like. 

No one is saying FAs shouldn' help other FAs. To the contrary, we're saying get all the help you need, just don't expect it from the bbws they're ashamed of. I think it's up to the other FAs to make that FA support thing happen. You all have to get together and decide to take some action if you really want to affect change. Make it so. Engage.


(I'm watching Star Trek right now. I couldn't help but to say that last bit.  )


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

superodalisque said:


> overboard and say stuff and defend things that even a lot of FAs wouldn't defend. for an FA who is kinda a confusnik this is one of the main reasons why it might be a good idea to have an all FA board. he wouldn't have people who are the object of his desire possibly misleading (mainly because they are still exploring who they are themselves) and outposting him for whatever reason. he wouldn't have to worry about contradicting and maybe embarrassing somebody who wanted to come to his defense.
> 
> sometimes its better to talk to folks who have actually had your experiences instead of someone who is philosopizing. we know how relationships are. people say one thing in public but when they are in private sometimes they react another way entirely. so maybe its better if they can talk to someone who has dated and had experiences with BBW and the FA lifestyle without interjection from people who don't have that personal knowledge, or people who ridicule and stop a feeling of freedom and the flow of useful information that might bring someone out of the closet.
> 
> this kinda reminds me of the SSBBW board. a lot of people blame us for being SSBBWs. they say its our own fault if we got to this size and if we have issues with it its because we went too far. so a lot of people made it hard for SSBBWs to discuss thier issues for fear of judgement and even open disgust. and sometimes, even the people who were friends who tried to defend us said the wrong things entirely. i don't feel sorry for closet FAs myself but i think thats an opportunity they should have. i have mine. everyone deserves as much help and support as they can get to improve. its hard for anybody to change without some kind of support. if its coming from other FAs then its no skin off a BBWs teeth. that doesn't mean anybody has to accept closet behavior. i know i don't. its just another potential tool to try and help and get rid of it--which we hope is the goal.
> 
> PS: i really don't notice too many women holding back on this thread. i think we can hold our own with any man in a debate and probably beat them into silence which is not the same as submission. it only means they'll ignore us and feel justified in continuing behavior that might not be kosher.



All that you said about reasons to have an FA forum, also cross over to good reasons to have a BBW forum. 



mossystate said:


> Nope. No flaming from me. When I see women complaining about the same man ( ok...different men...same type ), over and over and over, I just want to scream. Sure, it can take some time to stop making the bad relationship choices. There has to be a point where you back up and take some responsibility...unless you get off on the drama. Oh, and, men certainly do the same thing, whine about the women who seem to always do them wrong.



Nothing that a person did in a relationship excuses the abuser. An abuser is still an abuser no matter how "easy" the other party made it. Equal blame...I keep seeing people wanting to blame the victim......as in there would be no abusers without victims. There are no victims without abusers. 




LillyBBBW said:


> Fellas, the thing is the women here ARE being supportive. They ARE being allies. All this shouting and posturing is an attempt to try to keep you from making a big mistake that could ruin your life and the life of some happless girl whose done nothing to deserve being hurt. It's rare anybody comes out of the womb high kicking and ready to go. People have to start from somewhere and nobody expects you to be the guy on the white horse right off. I don't think anyone holds any real animosity for the tender young squire trying to make his way along.
> 
> What I would like for you to bear in mind is that a large majority of the damage done the women here that has turned us into the twisted creatures you see before you came at the hands of a person not unlike yourself. Nice guy with a good heart but a little uncertain. He saw one of us and really wanted to get to know us. He figured he'd sorta coast his way along and grow stronger as he went because 'Jenn' was sooo cool. It always seems like a good idea at the time. The thing is, when concept meets reality and you're not ready you start to make mistakes. Awful stupid mistakes that later result in the terms 'shithead' and 'asshole' being hurled art your head though you're really such a nice guy, really. Too late, you've screwed up and you've hurt someone deeply. It doesn't feel good for either of you.
> 
> The basic thing we're trying to get cross is please don't experiment with people when you know you are not fully ready to be out. All things happen in due time. It WILL happen for you but to do soemthing prematurely will ruin you. Don't practice on anyone or think you can be smooth and slick enough to make your way through unlike those assholes we met. She'll sense it, she'll know it and it will hurt her - badly, then she'll wind up here in this thread naming you 'Horace' in a story to protect your identity. Seriously, that's all we're trying to say to you with a little anger tossed in because we can't help it. It's like glitter, it gets on everything. Make sure you've got your shit together BEFORE you think to get involved with a fattie. Your pensiveness my roll off your back like water but on a bbw it's like battery acid and it leaves a bad burn. She can't touch it and you shouldnt bring it near her. It's something you just have to do on your own. Grand for you if you can find a fellow FA to talk to which may smooth out the ride a little but really it's a path you're meant to walk alone.





Fascinita said:


> BINGO!
> 
> Goddamn. And funny, to boot.
> 
> Lilly, you rock the Casbah.
> 
> (I just don't get why it's so difficult to understand that fat people are _people_ and that we desire everyday, regular lives, just like everyone else. Stay in the closet, whatever that means to you, or beat yourself into a froth about pushing the cultural envelope if "transgressive cool" is your thing--and good luck finding tender, inexperienced fatties to rub your needs up against. I just don't want it to be me or any woman I respect and care about. Your FA identity is yours to create as you see fit. Prove whatever it is you have to prove to yourself (since it's nobody else's business who you want to bone, and nobody else gets to live your life.) Deal with the consequences of your choices and seek advice and support as you can from your allies. Just don't expect a fattie to take it lying down when you go around promoting ideas that posit fat people as less than people (the idea that fat people should be expected to "understand" and "support" those who are ashamed of their own appreciation for fat bodies definitely builds on an assumption that somehow fat people are entitled to less than the full measure of dignity allowed everyone else, while the idea of the SuperFA who will deliver us helpless fatties from evil builds on an assumption that fat people are less than competent at knowing how to promote their own best interest) and ESPECIALLY do not ask me to cooperate with making you feel better about yourself while you work out how you _really_ feel about being known as someone who *gasp* is attracted to _fat_ people--how _tabboo_ it is!
> 
> The fat admirers I love are the ones who *treat me as a person, not as a means to their own ends.* Less fully-evolved "FAs" could do a lot worse than to hold themselves to that standard. Whoever's not ready for that, please stay away from fat people. It's simple.)




These last two posts I quoted........posts like that and the people who write them are why I like to come to Dimensions. Not because I need my self esteem handed to me by someone.


----------



## mossystate

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Nothing that a person did in a relationship excuses the abuser. An abuser is still an abuser no matter how "easy" the other party made it. Equal blame...I keep seeing people wanting to blame the victim......as in there would be no abusers without victims. There are no victims without abusers.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I was not referring to people who are abused. I am talking about garden variety stupidity. If, for example, someone is forever choosing people who are emotionally absent, and then they whine about how Bob ( or Sue ) doesn't communicate, well, it is not a bad thing to suggest they step back and ask themselves why they crave this dance. Not about blame, as much as it is encouraging a person to see themselves as worth more...and that would also go for the vacant party.
Click to expand...


----------



## superodalisque

Smushygirl said:


> Let's face it, men here mostly think of this as a porn site, and women here are mostly looking for community. The trouble begins when men treat the women looking for community like pay site girls.
> 
> Shortly after I joined, I stopped posting cheesecakey pictures of myself. It's not because I am not confident or proud of my body, it was because of the predators and closeted FA's. If my vagina is empty and I am not making money, what would be the point of posting pictures and/or being "supportive" for closet cases, married men, and those with thin significant others to wank? I'm sure for some that is a good and fun thing, for me it was detrimental.
> 
> Does that make it easier to understand?
> 
> I know this sounds like I am mad, but I'm not. I am friends here with many people, married, coupled, single, male and female. I just had to sort that out for myself, so that I wouldn't think I was crazy.




what you said... and tg some guys get paysited out , a lil bit anyway lol. then they begin to wonder about the differnce between what they read in paysite blurbs and the real thing. at least some people learn some stuff by accident even if it wasn't their intention.

off subject a bit: i really wish i could show my pix here. i loved making them and showing them but your right, people don't appreciate in the spirit that its meant in. that takes all of the fun out of it. its the old madonna whore bs all over again. so you have to go to a feminist site to be able to do what we would like to have done here . its sad that people have to pay for things they could get for free if they only understood how to show restraint and the proper respect.

:kiss2: miss you!


----------



## LillyBBBW

mossystate said:


> I was not referring to people who are abused. I am talking about garden variety stupidity. If, for example, someone is forever choosing people who are emotionally absent, and then they whine about how Bob ( or Sue ) doesn't communicate, well, it is not a bad thing to suggest they step back and ask themselves why they crave this dance. Not about blame, as much as it is encouraging a person to see themselves as worth more...and that would also go for the vacant party.



I agree with this. If something keeps happening to someone over and over and over again it's time to stop blaming the other people and start examining how you choose the people you associate with. Doesn't make them any less shitty but obviously one needs to stop choosing friends using a criteria that increases the odds for the same outcome.


----------



## Victim

superodalisque said:


> its sad that people have to pay for things they could get for free if they only understood how to show restraint and the proper respect.
> 
> 
> 
> Or the fact that it is 19873219827398217 times better when it is a gift and not 'forced'. That awkward feeling just kills it.
Click to expand...


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

LillyBBBW said:


> I agree with this. If something keeps happening to someone over and over and over again it's time to stop blaming the other people and start examining how you choose the people you associate with. Doesn't make them any less shitty but obviously one needs to stop choosing friends using a criteria that increases the odds for the same outcome.



Actually, I quoted Mossy but wasn't disagreeing with her post. I meant more in terms of people seeming to want to overlook the actions of some that have hurt others because those that have been hurt "should have been stronger". 

No over looking for me.......


----------



## olwen

Now is an awful time to be out of rep.  I've wanted to rep several posts I've read in this thread lately. Me likey smart fatties. :happy:


----------



## mossystate

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Actually, I quoted Mossy but wasn't disagreeing with her post. I meant more in terms of people seeming to want to overlook the actions of some that have hurt others because those that have been hurt "should have been stronger".
> 
> No over looking for me.......



gotcha, GreenieBeanie





*eta.......* gets out of GEF's way, as she has bidness that needs tending to... *


----------



## Oirish

I ABSOLUTELY agree! You never fall in love with someone who you're trying to change. Not real love at least. That type of relationship is doomed from the start and is in part based on a lie. "If he would just be openly proud about liking bbws", "if she would only lose/gain some weight", "if only he/she would finish school." Whatever the case may be you fall for someone because of who they are, not who they could be. And (though I am pretty much inviting some berating here) I do notice that it is more often the woman in the relationship trying to change the man...Which has, in my case, led to a number of failed relationships because I am a damn oak.






katorade said:


> I think that a large part of the problem, one that is not specific to just fat women, is that a LOT of women tend to get in relationships with men they think they can "fix", or that they can be that _one woman_ who can make him change his mind and come out of whatever closet he's hiding in, whether it's being a fat admirer, or a fan of designer clothing, or an accomplished artist of some sort...we've all known at least one woman who fancied herself to be the backbone of support for her man in an area that SHE deemed desirable. In the case of a lot of FA/BBW relationships, she thinks she can be the one to finally make him come out and say he's proud of who he is and, more importantly, that he's proud of HER.
> 
> I'll probably get flamed for saying it, but I think a lot of women need to take more responsibility in the decisions they make when entering the dating world and not feel so scorned when a relationship that starts off rocky STAYS rocky. It doesn't get rocky just when you've decided you've had enough of his bullshit and lack of change, it got rocky when you entered into a relationship with someone that didn't immediately make you happy.
> 
> ---------------------------------------------------
> 
> On the subject of the "who gets to be more butt hurt about society hating them" debate, I can't honestly believe that's up for discussion, and I'm not just saying that as a fat chick.
> 
> Society is far more judgmental about what people OUTWARDLY ARE than for what preferences they hold. You see a much crueler world if you are fat, or ugly, or extremely short, or have a googley eye, or a third nipple, or are missing a limb, etc., than you do if you simply have an opinion about something (as long as those opinions are legal and at least ethical).
> 
> People might think you are WEIRD for having a preference and may even taunt or scorn you to some degree, but society as a whole does not shun or abhor you. For every FA getting beat up in grade school for liking fat chicks, I can name at least 20 people who were beaten up for something equally as stupid, but were able to overcome that and realize how RIDICULOUS their tormentors were in a very short period of time.
> 
> More often than not, people that stand up for their beliefs garner some respect from others simply for the fact that they are "brave enough" to do it. People that stand up for who they _are_ rarely get as much respect for it and might typically be viewed as someone delusional or self-appeasing or just trying to make themselves feel better about something they can't change.
> 
> I say this as someone who both stands up for who they are and stands for what I believe in. Nobody has ever had a serious unprovoked problem with me for my beliefs, but I have had near constant unprovoked attacks on my self-esteem for who I am. That is why I, personally, have an issue with whiney pussy FAs who think they have it oh-so-bad.


----------



## Haunted

Smushygirl said:


> Let's face it, men here mostly think of this as a porn site, and women here are mostly looking for community. The trouble begins when men treat the women looking for community like pay site girls.


I can understand how and why you feel this way. The funny thing is the reason i frequent dimensions is because of the more educated conversations and it's much more tasteful in general, versus the other BBW Forum. 



katorade said:


> On the subject of the "who gets to be more butt hurt about society hating them" debate, I can't honestly believe that's up for discussion, and I'm not just saying that as a fat chick.
> 
> Society is far more judgmental about what people OUTWARDLY ARE than for what preferences they hold. You see a much crueler world if you are fat, or ugly, or extremely short, or have a googley eye, or a third nipple, or are missing a limb, etc., than you do if you simply have an opinion about something (as long as those opinions are legal and at least ethical).
> 
> People might think you are WEIRD for having a preference and may even taunt or scorn you to some degree, but society as a whole does not shun or abhor you. For every FA getting beat up in grade school for liking fat chicks, I can name at least 20 people who were beaten up for something equally as stupid, but were able to overcome that and realize how RIDICULOUS their tormentors were in a very short period of time.
> 
> More often than not, people that stand up for their beliefs garner some respect from others simply for the fact that they are "brave enough" to do it. People that stand up for who they _are_ rarely get as much respect for it and might typically be viewed as someone delusional or self-appeasing or just trying to make themselves feel better about something they can't change.
> 
> I say this as someone who both stands up for who they are and stands for what I believe in. Nobody has ever had a serious unprovoked problem with me for my beliefs, but I have had near constant unprovoked attacks on my self-esteem for who I am. That is why I, personally, have an issue with whiney pussy FAs who think they have it oh-so-bad.



And i agree totally with you on this, yes we as Fa's have our on little issues and confusion. But seriously i don't want to call anyone out, but if youv been beaten up because you like fat girls i think there where other factors also involved. I'm not minimalizing the fear and anxiety that comes with coming to terms with ones sexuality, and for me as soon as i did it was a very freeing experience. I was never ashamed of liking BBW's i was ashamed of being confused about it.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

Oirish said:


> "If he would just be openly proud about liking bbws", "if she would only lose/gain some weight", "if only he/she would finish school."



OK, while I agree entering a relationship hoping to change someone is ill conceived and pointless, I have to say that I don't think your examples are all comparable. Saying "if only he/she would finish school or lose weight..." is indeed trying to treat someone as a fixer upper. But expecting someone who is involved with you to treat you like a person? That should just be standard. And in my mind, any FA who is dating someone and is not proud to be with them is not treating them like a person.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

katorade said:


> I think that a large part of the problem, one that is not specific to just fat women, is that a LOT of women tend to get in relationships with men they think they can "fix", or that they can be that _one woman_ who can make him change his mind and come out of whatever closet he's hiding in, whether it's being a fat admirer, or a fan of designer clothing, or an accomplished artist of some sort...we've all known at least one woman who fancied herself to be the backbone of support for her man in an area that SHE deemed desirable. In the case of a lot of FA/BBW relationships, she thinks she can be the one to finally make him come out and say he's proud of who he is and, more importantly, that he's proud of HER.
> 
> I'll probably get flamed for saying it, but I think a lot of women need to take more responsibility in the decisions they make when entering the dating world and not feel so scorned when a relationship that starts off rocky STAYS rocky. It doesn't get rocky just when you've decided you've had enough of his bullshit and lack of change, it got rocky when you entered into a relationship with someone that didn't immediately make you happy.


.

All this goes back to what I said earlier......those Closet FAs are not going to change.....but it doesn't just seem to be the women they have hurt that need to realize it. 



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I will reiterate...we cannot CHANGE anyone. We CANNOT change anyone. WE CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE. People change when they want to change. Some people never change. When/if a person decides to change, they don't whine about what they like....instead they own up to the things they have done to others. This is truth.


----------



## Haunted

superodalisque said:


> what you said... and tg some guys get paysited out , a lil bit anyway lol. then they begin to wonder about the differnce between what they read in paysite blurbs and the real thing. at least some people learn some stuff by accident even if it wasn't their intention.
> 
> off subject a bit: *i really wish i could show my pix here. i loved making them and showing them but your right, people don't appreciate in the spirit that its meant in. that takes all of the fun out of it.* its the old madonna whore bs all over again. so you have to go to a feminist site to be able to do what we would like to have done here . its sad that people have to pay for things they could get for free if they only understood how to show restraint and the proper respect.
> 
> :kiss2: miss you!



I do actually, i really really enjoyed the BBW art thread when it was going strong and i appreciate the non porn photo's for what they are! 

Maybe i'm just one man but i don't think i'm alone. it's very unfortunate that you feel you can't post pics here


----------



## superodalisque

Victim said:


> superodalisque said:
> 
> 
> 
> its sad that people have to pay for things they could get for free if they only understood how to show restraint and the proper respect.
> 
> 
> 
> Or the fact that it is 19873219827398217 times better when it is a gift and not 'forced'. That awkward feeling just kills it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> yeah it was all about da luv *sigh*
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...


----------



## LillyBBBW

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Actually, I quoted Mossy but wasn't disagreeing with her post. I meant more in terms of people seeming to want to overlook the actions of some that have hurt others because those that have been hurt "should have been stronger".
> 
> No over looking for me.......



I do agree with what you're saying GEF. I think that what we're saying is part and parcel though. Holding someone accountable for some people can be just an adjective. When it's a verb it takes on the form we've described. It's not to seek to blame the victim, just the opposite. It's teaching the victim to take power from these creeps and arm themselves, not the other way around if I'm making any sense?


----------



## LillyBBBW

Haunted said:


> I do actually, i really really enjoyed the BBW art thread when it was going strong and i appreciate the non porn photo's for what they are!
> 
> Maybe i'm just one man but i don't think i'm alone. it's very unfortunate that you feel you can't post pics here



I enjoy it too Haunted. I'm an extrovert in that sense. I like posting pics, being funny, discussing hot button topics. It's me, it's what I desire. There are creeps who will use it the way they want to, steal them and post them on a joke site or some other such thing. But this is what I really want and what makes me happy. I'm proud of what I am and it took me a long time to get to this point. I won't hide or be shamed because of the ignorant.



*see what I did there?


----------



## LillyBBBW

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> .
> 
> All this goes back to what I said earlier......those Closet FAs are not going to change.....but it doesn't just seem to be the women they have hurt that need to realize it.



Agreed. In general people don't go through life like they're on a gameshow. I meet all kinds of people and present myself as I am. There's no sign on someone right off the bat. I'm not going through life examining every person who comes before me, "Yeah s/he's nice but is s/he ashamed to be seen with my fat?" My world doesn't revolve around my fatness at this point in my life. There are so many more important things to take pleasure in. I'm a human being like any other. When the red flag goes up it usually *does* come as a surprise. I'm not anticipating that it might happen, I'm really over that and don't have any desire to go back to worrying about it. When it does happen the perspective is much better. It shows how small and truly backward the person is and they make me ill much quicker now. It's so much easier to walk away rolling my eyes in disbelief. But no, I'm not looking for signs and don't want to go through life doing so. Recognizing it probably comes a little easier for me, I don't know. I can often look back and think of subtle incidents that I paid no notice to that add up but am I to blame here for proceding through life in good faith taking people at face value? I don't think so. Most times I'm lead to believe he's out because HE believes he's out. Some crazy incident happens that makes it clear he has not fully put himself together. At this stage in my life it's more embarassing for him than it is for me, still I've no time for it.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

LillyBBBW said:


> I do agree with what you're saying GEF. I think that what we're saying is part and parcel though. Holding someone accountable for some people can be just an adjective. When it's a verb it takes on the form we've described. It's not to seek to blame the victim, just the opposite. It's teaching the victim to take power from these creeps and arm themselves, not the other way around if I'm making any sense?



Maybe I am not understanding you or we are just running at this differently. 
I don't see how making a closet case take responsibility for his OWN actions is harmful to the empowerment of fat people. If a fat person allows themselves to be abused over and over, then it's on them. If an abuser does it over and over, it is on the abuser. Both share blame. Neither get a free ride...except I'm more likely to have compassion for the abused person....not the one that thinks it's their privilege to harm others. 

I see a "let me help you poor misunderstood closet case" forum as a reward for some. If it's true intention is just to help out struggling/confused people that have no true desire to hurt others, then I'm all for it. 

That being said, we need a BBW forum for the exact same reason. All this talk about BBWs protecting themselves from these predators....wouldn't they benefit from the posts of someone like yourself Lilly? Being able to say what they want among other BBWs without that "you women are all bitches if you have opinions or don't see all FAs as Gods" mentality sometimes so present out on the other boards? 

If there is no need for a private BBW forum, I don't see the need for a private FA forum. 

Oh, and what about the FFAs? Are they welcome there? What about the fat FAs? Or fat FFAs? Or is it a skinny man that might or might not end up being okay to fat women forum? What is the criteria? 


Truly, isn't it beneficial to let those that "unintentionally" harmed a fat person see the havoc/harm they have caused? Why the need for all this "buffering"? Isn't pain part of emotional growth? or is pain only good for a select few in the "lower class"? 
I look back on my life sometimes.....and I'm ashamed of some of it. I don't need a buffer or "people to hold my hand".....I need the ugly fucking raw unchanged truth of what *I* have done to help me to change. No one but me is responsible for what harm I have caused others....even if I was "enabled"....my actions are still my own. 

I'm not approaching closeted FAs with judgment....but rather with experience. 

I don't excuse abusers...anymore than I should excuse my own bad behaviors. I know right from wrong....and I expect others to do the same.




LillyBBBW said:


> Agreed. In general people don't go through life like they're on a gameshow. I meet all kinds of people and present myself as I am. There's no sign on someone right off the bat. I'm not going through life examining every person who comes before me, "Yeah s/he's nice but is s/he ashamed to be seen with my fat?" My world doesn't revolve around my fatness at this point in my life. There are so many more important things to take pleasure in. I'm a human being like any other. When the red flag goes up it usually *does* come as a surprise. I'm not anticipating that it might happen, I'm really over that and don't have any desire to go back to worrying about it. When it does happen the perspective is much better. It shows how small and truly backward the person is and they make me ill much quicker now. It's so much easier to walk away rolling my eyes in disbelief. But no, I'm not looking for signs and don't want to go through life doing so. Recognizing it probably comes a little easier for me, I don't know. I can often look back and think of subtle incidents that I paid no notice to that add up but am I to blame here for proceding through life in good faith taking people at face value? I don't think so. Most times I'm lead to believe he's out because HE believes he's out. Some crazy incident happens that makes it clear he has not fully put himself together. At this stage in my life it's more embarassing for him than it is for me, still I've no time for it.



Yep, totally with you on this one.
I'm not going through life with my guard up. I'm not a wimp. I put myself right back out there because....I only have one life. I'm not a victim of myself (I haven't dated a closet FA but have been with abusive men in the past) and survivors always keep on moving along. They are not scared....and they are not responsible for the poor/shitty actions of those that seek to harm them....intentionally or not intentionally.

Those that have been harmed.....they are not to blame if someone else seeks to harm them again. It's good to walk through life with new eyes everyday....no one has the right to tell you to do any differently or judge you for doing so.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> If it's true intention is just to help out struggling/confused people that have no true desire to hurt others, then I'm all for it.
> 
> Oh, and what about the FFAs? Are they welcome there? What about the fat FAs? Or fat FFAs? Or is it a skinny man that might or might not end up being okay to fat women forum? What is the criteria?



This is the type of FA/FFA board I have been fighting for. I have zip patience for closet cases, I think I have said that about a million times around here. But I do think that some FA who is young or has just figured it out and hasn't hurt anyone YET could be well served by a board that, as Blockierier put it, is a Proud FA board. In other words, by seeing the examples of fully functioning FAs male and female, the younger/newer and truly confused would get help to fully embrace being an FA. If closet case means (as it does for me) guys (or gals?)who couch date or are in any way using BBW or BHM, then I personally, don't think that those types can ever be changed or helped. Or at least not at a place like Dims, they would require true counseling in my opinion. I know some disagree with me about that, but that is how I feel. But I do think that when someone is young (or new to the realization) and confused, finding a board of FA/FFAs might really help to get them over that hump quickly. 

I want to be clear, I do support the board, but if women aren't part of it and I mean FFAs BBW and non, lesbian and straight then I would be much more worried. I believe I saw "henpecked" thrown around in this thread. (OK, I am getting two threads a bit confused here today, but I think it was this thread) and that concerns me GREATLY. An FA/FFA board should NOT be a place to get away from the prying wimmins. And I'm not sure if people talking about compassion for the closeted are actually talking about the users. I hope they're not. If they are, that would be something I would not play a part in. But I would help the confused. 


Oh yeah, and I don't think it should be private. I never have. I always thought a Weight Board type of rules would suffice. But I would still like the board and if private is the decision, then I would rather have it that way than not at all. 

I am not trying to sway you, by the way, I just wanted to publicly state what I would like to see the board as and your post gave me a good launching point.

And GEF, I see your point about a BBW space, I do. I personally don't think having different forums automatically would ruin dims. It hasn't so far with the BHM/FFA board or with the GLBTQ board. But since I don't make the decisions, who knows if anyone will get any boards.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Dr. P Marshall said:


> This is the type of FA/FFA board I have been fighting for. I have zip patience for closet cases, I think I have said that about a million times around here. But I do think that some FA who is young or has just figured it out and hasn't hurt anyone YET could be well served by a board that, as Blockierier put it, is a Proud FA board. In other words, by seeing the examples of fully functioning FAs male and female, the younger/newer and truly confused would get help to fully embrace being an FA. If closet case means (as it does for me) guys (or gals?)who couch date or are in any way using BBW or BHM, then I personally, don't think that those types can ever be changed or helped. Or at least not at a place like Dims, they would require true counseling in my opinion. I know some disagree with me about that, but that is how I feel. But I do think that when someone is young (or new to the realization) and confused, finding a board of FA/FFAs might really help to get them over that hump quickly.
> 
> I want to be clear, I do support the board, but if women aren't part of it and I mean FFAs BBW and non, lesbian and straight then I would be much more worried. I believe I saw "henpecked" thrown around in this thread. (OK, I am getting two threads a bit confused here today, but I think it was this thread) and that concerns me GREATLY. An FA/FFA board should NOT be a place to get away from the prying wimmins. And I'm not sure if people talking about compassion for the closeted are actually talking about the users. I hope they're not. If they are, that would be something I would not play a part in. But I would help the confused.
> 
> 
> Oh yeah, and I don't think it should be private. I never have. I always thought a Weight Board type of rules would suffice. But I would still like the board and if private is the decision, then I would rather have it that way than not at all.
> 
> I am not trying to sway you, by the way, I just wanted to publicly state what I would like to see the board as and your post gave me a good launching point.
> 
> And GEF, I see your point about a BBW space, I do. I personally don't think having different forums automatically would ruin dims. It hasn't so far with the BHM/FFA board or with the GLBTQ board. But since I don't make the decisions, who knows if anyone will get any boards.



I support your vision of an FA board  

I have the same reservations about "henpecked" myself and what other shit they might feel justified in saying....and a lot of it could be misleading and flat out erroneous. If I am confused about men....and want to know something about men.......I have found the advice of some men helpful. This seems plausible in the reverse, as well.


----------



## Fascinita

Dr. P Marshall said:


> I want to be clear, I do support the board, but if women aren't part of it and I mean FFAs BBW and non, lesbian and straight then I would be much more worried. I believe I saw "henpecked" thrown around in this thread. (OK, I am getting two threads a bit confused here today, but I think it was this thread) and that concerns me GREATLY. An FA/FFA board should NOT be a place to get away from the prying wimmins. And I'm not sure if people talking about compassion for the closeted are actually talking about the users. I hope they're not. If they are, that would be something I would not play a part in. But I would help the confused.



Henpeck, prudish, shrill, harpies (and much more) are terms that are regularly thrown at women around here who dare vocalize their opposition to being treated like objects or as less than fully human.

If this FA board happens, it will be interesting to see how that language evolves or devolves, within and without that board.

I'm also wondering if the rules on that board would include a "no misogyny" clause, just as there is sure to be a prohibition on "negativity" aimed at FAs.


----------



## mossystate

Fascinita said:


> Henpeck, prudish, shrill, harpies (and much more) are terms that are regularly thrown at women around here who dare vocalize their opposition to being treated like objects or as less than fully human.
> 
> If this FA board happens, it will be interesting to see how that language evolves or devolves, within and without that board.
> 
> I'm also wondering if the rules on that board would include a "no misogynist language" clause, just as there is sure to be a prohibition on "negativity" aimed at FAs.



I had added a line to my signature, before I read this from you.

If this FA board happens, a BBW board needs to happen. I do not doubt that the rules of the FA board would be enforced...but the very fact that *some *men could go from that board ( after they are all supportive of other men, and are good boys ), and come back to ' general population ' and go back to business as usual, shows that a BBW board is so necessary for women, whether all want the board or all would use the board...they could at least know that Dimensions is serious about fairness and the importance of the female voice and experience.

I keep seeing people say that men and women are different and that men need a space to be guys, talking to other guys. Are women SO different from men that we shouldn't crave the same kind of space? Women would have to continue asking the support of other women...and getting input from men ( which, as I have said a billion times, is, much of the time, a ' baby, I am sure you are hottttt '), whether they wanted it or not. I am not a paysite woman and while the food and clothing boards are pleasant, I am not seeing where women can be as open as lots need and want to be. 

Yeah, I am still banging this drum...and will continue to do so. I can't let the message get lost. I just can't.


----------



## Victim

Some people here have got the impression that I'm different than other men on this site. That's not true at all. Like many other FAs, I will do whatever it takes to satiate my desire to be immersed in lucious SSBBW flesh.



Even if I have to go so far as to treat my woman with respect. value her other qualities, and share my life with her. *sigh*


----------



## Dr. P Marshall

Fascinita said:


> Henpeck, prudish, shrill, harpies (and much more) are terms that are regularly thrown at women around here who dare vocalize their opposition to being treated like objects or as less than fully human.
> 
> If this FA board happens, it will be interesting to see how that language evolves or devolves, within and without that board.
> 
> I'm also wondering if the rules on that board would include a "no misogyny" clause, just as there is sure to be a prohibition on "negativity" aimed at FAs.


When the board was originally discussed, there WAS a discussion about rules including the type of language that would and would not be tolerated. As I understood it at the time, blatant misogynistic language was something the female AND male FAs wanted to have barred.


----------



## cinnamitch

Dr. P Marshall said:


> When the board was originally discussed, there WAS a discussion about rules including the type of language that would and would not be tolerated. As I understood it at the time, blatant misogynistic language was something the female AND male FAs wanted to have barred.



Just curious , were these posts that used the terms henpecked and such removed? IF not it makes me wonder just how much the rules regarding language would be enforced.


----------



## olwen

cinnamitch said:


> Just curious , were these posts that used the terms henpecked and such removed? IF not it makes me wonder just how much the rules regarding language would be enforced.



That kind of language isn't specific to this thread. It just pops up in any thread where a woman who is outspoken (read challenges a man's view) voices her opinion; some of the men just plain don't like being outsmarted/challenged by a woman. If they disagree and can't form a well reasoned counter argument they take on a paternalistic tone and start spewing the misogynistic language. The examples are numerous on some of the boards.


----------



## Fascinita

Dr. P Marshall said:


> When the board was originally discussed, there WAS a discussion about rules including the type of language that would and would not be tolerated. As I understood it at the time, blatant misogynistic language was something the female AND male FAs wanted to have barred.



The way I see it, it's not a matter of female vs. male. And that's kind of the point, really. Just as many women throw the misogynist language and concepts around as men do. And many men here would never dream of treating women as women with less than respect.

For me, it's a matter of what we say we're going to tolerate as a community, what our values are, and the direction we want to go in. If enough of us refuse to accept that our choices are only EITHER/OR ("if you're for women, you MUST be against men," for instance); if we behaved as though it mattered equally that both men and women are treated with care in our community, EVERYBODY could win.

So I'll be glad if, whether new boards are instituted or not, we can decide as a community that our bottom line should be about respecting everyone and offering support to one another without expecting it to be a one-way street. Those of us who need support that goes beyond compliments for how cute we look or commentary on how great our bellies feel when rubbed should be able to find some space for that here without being labeled or attacked or (worst of all) MARGINALIZED.


----------



## Oirish

Dr. P Marshall said:


> OK, while I agree entering a relationship hoping to change someone is ill conceived and pointless, I have to say that I don't think your examples are all comparable. Saying "if only he/she would finish school or lose weight..." is indeed trying to treat someone as a fixer upper. But expecting someone who is involved with you to treat you like a person? That should just be standard. And in my mind, any FA who is dating someone and is not proud to be with them is not treating them like a person.



Fair enough. All I'm trying to say is find yourself someone who is a good fit in your life that you love for who they are, not who they could be.


----------



## LillyBBBW

olwen said:


> That kind of language isn't specific to this thread. It just pops up in any thread where a woman who is outspoken (read challenges a man's view) voices her opinion; some of the men just plain don't like being outsmarted/challenged by a woman. If they disagree and can't form a well reasoned counter argument they take on a paternalistic tone and start spewing the misogynistic language. The examples are numerous on some of the boards.



We have rules like that in the Super Sized forums and they are strictly enforced. Man bashing and the discussion of man problems aren't allowed because there is no chance for rebuttal or change of perspective. My hope is that the same rules would apply in an FA forum if one got underway. Even if it isn't I don't think such rantings would get very far because there will be women present. 

I must say, it is a disturbing trend when you can't call anything into question without having your gender used as a target. I've seen things like that happen on both sides. I will say though that with the women here there seems to be a unity of experience moreso than with the men. Being fat we all experience similar if not identical events and can therefore relate to each other even if we disagree on everything else. The men not so much. There are some common themes but the range of experiences and approach tends to draw a much wider map. Therefore when an argument ensues the women tend to represent a more unified front in defending our positions which can lead to some of these bitter feelings and misogynistic name calling as a result.


----------



## goodthings

Fat people..how do closeted Fa's make you feel/have made you feel?

Last week I got a note on plenty of fish from a guy. We messaged back and forth a bit and I got the vib that he was just looking for sex. I called him on it and he admitted that it was only sex that he wanted. I asked him why he chose me and he stated that he likes fucking fat chicks. I asked him if he had looked at my profile for sex only or had he thought of a possible date. He said sex only. I responded to that, so I am good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to be seen in puplic with for a cup of coffee and he said yes.

How did that make me feel? Like shit


----------



## Haunted

goodthings said:


> Fat people..how do closeted Fa's make you feel/have made you feel?
> 
> Last week I got a note on plenty of fish from a guy. We messaged back and forth a bit and I got the vib that he was just looking for sex. I called him on it and he admitted that it was only sex that he wanted. I asked him why he chose me and he stated that he likes fucking fat chicks. I asked him if he had looked at my profile for sex only or had he thought of a possible date. He said sex only. I responded to that, so I am good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to be seen in puplic with for a cup of coffee and he said yes.
> 
> How did that make me feel? Like shit



I'm sorry there are still guys like this out there (and for the record These are not the type of closet cases anyone is talking about helping) it was mentioned that the definaitions need to be defined or more accuratley that closet isn't really the correct term to define


----------



## jewels_mystery

goodthings said:


> Fat people..how do closeted Fa's make you feel/have made you feel?
> 
> Last week I got a note on plenty of fish from a guy. We messaged back and forth a bit and I got the vib that he was just looking for sex. I called him on it and he admitted that it was only sex that he wanted. I asked him why he chose me and he stated that he likes fucking fat chicks. I asked him if he had looked at my profile for sex only or had he thought of a possible date. He said sex only. I responded to that, so I am good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to be seen in puplic with for a cup of coffee and he said yes.
> 
> How did that make me feel? Like shit



 I am so sorry this happened to you. hugs


----------



## Blackjack

Haunted said:


> I'm sorry there are still guys like this out there (and for the record These are not the type of closet cases anyone is talking about helping) it was mentioned that the definaitions need to be defined or more accuratley that closet isn't really the correct term to define



This.

The kind you encountered is the kind that I support kicking aquarely in the nads.


----------



## Santaclear

"Good" closet and "bad" closet?

So we try to coax the guys out of the bad closet (maybe with porn or food?) and into the good closet, where we can help and mentor them?


----------



## superodalisque

goodthings said:


> Fat people..how do closeted Fa's make you feel/have made you feel?
> 
> Last week I got a note on plenty of fish from a guy. We messaged back and forth a bit and I got the vib that he was just looking for sex. I called him on it and he admitted that it was only sex that he wanted. I asked him why he chose me and he stated that he likes fucking fat chicks. I asked him if he had looked at my profile for sex only or had he thought of a possible date. He said sex only. I responded to that, so I am good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to be seen in puplic with for a cup of coffee and he said yes.
> 
> How did that make me feel? Like shit



i agree. but take it this way. feel lucky that he told you the truth and didn't string you along for months and even years the way that some women have been. at least he wasn't making promises he couldn't and didn't have any intentions of keeping. he serves his purpose as well. some folks would be happy to just use him for sex and throw him on the trash heap after. its the totally sneaky ones that you have to worry about. its the ones who live half way across the world who can only see you twice a year for highly charged long weekends aand have this horrible ex wife who has the children that he can't see anymore if he moves near you, but has all of these excuses why you can't move with him, that you need to really prick up your ears toward.


----------



## goodthings

superodalisque said:


> i agree. but take it this way. feel lucky that he told you the truth and didn't string you along for months and even years the way that some women have been. at least he wasn't making promises he couldn't and didn't have any intentions of keeping. he serves his purpose as well. some folks would be happy to just use him for sex and throw him on the trash heap after. its the totally sneaky ones that you have to worry about. its the ones who live half way across the world who can only see you twice a year for highly charged long weekends aand have this horrible ex wife who has the children that he can't see anymore if he moves near you, but has all of these excuses why you can't move with him, that you need to really prick up your ears toward.



I do give him that credit, but he would not have admitted to it unless i asked him directly, he was being very subtle. Over the last year I have had a lot of life experience with regards to dating and would give my body up for the affection, but I think I have come to a place where I know that a fuck and chuck is NO GOOD FOR ME!! 8 months ago i would have happily met him thinking that it was better than nothing and that is all i deserved and i better get it while i could. But that is after screwing 4 guys with the hope that they would call back and they did not. These men all stated that they were closeted chubby chasers.


----------



## snows

I'm not going to let some fetish beyond my control direct my life. It's up to me and only up to me what girl I pursue and seek a relationship with. So your whole concept of a closeted FA is bullshit. You have no idea personally what ways that preference affects me and how it manifests itself, regardless of the question of whether or not one should go with that preference. What I find attractive goes beyond mere description and probably isn't of interest to anybody but myself. 

Let me also say, that I've dated thin girls and I've dated fat girls. Dating a fat chick is a good way to get stigmatized by society. Simply from the way people look at you on the street. Whether we like it or not people judge your worth in society, by what kind of suite you wear, what kind of car you drive, and most important of all who you date.

My last relationship was with a heavier girl who had a lot of self esteem problems and issues. My current relationship is with a sorority girl. As an aside, you all should realize the extent to which sorrities suffer about their weight or at least empathize with them on it. There is an extreme focus on their weight and an utter impetus is placed on beauty. There probably under more scrutiny from each other and the desire to look perfect, then almost any other group of women I can think of. Of course I'm not trying to excuse the utter vapidity and stupidity of the whole enterprise, nor am I trying to minimize the suffering that BBWs go through, just saying that the two groups are more oddly similar than you would think. 

but just the way the heavier girl's friends looked at me, seemed filled with something almost like pity or condensation. It really is a hard thing to freely give up people looking at you with admiration and even jealousy for pity, and your own feelings about yourself. When I was in that relationship I felt an almost constant need to remind myself that I could do better and wasn't in the relationship because that was the best I could get, everything even the girl herself seemed to be giving me the message that I was just settling for something. 

I feel little need to go with what my sexual drive tells me, over what society tells me. Both I think should be pretty insignificant in however I choose to have a relationship with. I'm only 20 so I'm still fairly ambivalent about what I want out of a relationship, I just know that I would like to be free as possible of any societal or sexual prejudice. Anyways I guess I would date a bbw or at least a plumper girl in the future, so call me a closeted FA or whatever you want, those labels are meaningless and parodist to me.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

snows said:


> I'm not going to let some fetish beyond my control direct my life.



define some fetish.

as in fat girls? being the fetish? just checking.


----------



## indy500tchr

goodthings said:


> Fat people..how do closeted Fa's make you feel/have made you feel?
> 
> Last week I got a note on plenty of fish from a guy. We messaged back and forth a bit and I got the vib that he was just looking for sex. I called him on it and he admitted that it was only sex that he wanted. I asked him why he chose me and he stated that he likes fucking fat chicks. I asked him if he had looked at my profile for sex only or had he thought of a possible date. He said sex only. I responded to that, so I am good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to be seen in puplic with for a cup of coffee and he said yes.
> 
> How did that make me feel? Like shit




This is crazy...I just had a guy do this to me yesterday on plentyoffish. He IM'd me and it immediately turned to sex talk. I told him that if that was the only thing he was wanting I wasn't the girl he was looking for. He then closed his message box and went away. This is why I HATE DATING!!!!! *full rant can be seen on another thread*


----------



## LillyBBBW

Welcome to the bipolar express ladies and gentlemen. It was laughter one minute, then I threw up in my mouth a little, then it was giggling again, then I was paranoid, then I was hungry.... Now I'm laughing again.


----------



## TraciJo67

snows said:


> Whether we like it or not people judge your worth in society, by what kind of suite you wear,



The last time that *I* wore a suite, I got charged for stealing the fixtures.


----------



## AnnMarie

TraciJo67 said:


> The last time that *I* wore a suite, I got charged for stealing the fixtures.




Well they're right to treat you with condensation.


----------



## Webmaster

snows said:


> ...I'm only 20 so I'm still fairly ambivalent about what I want out of a relationship, I just know that I would like to be free as possible of any societal or sexual prejudice. ...



A world free of any such prejudice would be terrific, but ours isn't. As a result, societal and sexual prejudice is very real and it can totally affect people's lives. I was 20 once and very much know how confusing such often conflicting directions and desires can be. Whether a sexual interest is a fetish beyond one's control or a basic lifelong orientation is hard to say. If it is the latter, then it will not go away and taking that into consideration when seeking a partner in life will make things a whole lot easier for all involved.


----------



## mergirl

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> And like I've said in other posts in this thread, it's not fair to use the term "closeted FAs" to refer to both FAs who are still coming to grips with their preference and those who only want a BBW where no one else can see. The former group is truly closeted - just like a gay person who has yet to come out. The latter group is made up of users, who should be avoided like the plague.



erm..this is what i said in my op and also several times since. Think you are just looking for a rumble with me wean.


----------



## goodthings

indy500tchr said:


> This is crazy...I just had a guy do this to me yesterday on plentyoffish. He IM'd me and it immediately turned to sex talk. I told him that if that was the only thing he was wanting I wasn't the girl he was looking for. He then closed his message box and went away. This is why I HATE DATING!!!!! *full rant can be seen on another thread*



What I am finding more and more out though, with these dudes who are so in the thick of their own shit, is that if I want it (sex) I can have it and so now I am not likely to fall for their lines any more. The first time a man said I was lucky he would have sex with a fatty like me and that he was probably the only man in the world that would give it to me, I believed him. Stupid me fell for it a couple more times, but the more offers I had, the more I realized that he was the sad sack, not me. However, now that I realize that there are millions of men who are willing to have sex, but not coffee, with a fatty, I am willing and able to wait to find one who will have coffee with me. Does this make any sense? I am now able to say that I no longer have to ask....

If I give you a blow job, will you call me in the morning! Ya Me! Now it is, when you are ready to be mature and respectful, call me and we can make a date for coffee...


----------



## Weeze

snows said:


> but just the way the heavier girl's friends looked at me, seemed filled with something almost like pity or condensation. It really is a hard thing to freely give up people looking at you with admiration and even jealousy for pity, and your own feelings about yourself. When I was in that relationship I felt an almost constant need to remind myself that *I could do better* and wasn't in the relationship because that was the best I could get, everything even the girl herself seemed to be giving me the message that I was just settling for something.




I think this part needs to be highlighted... and I think the fact that you just said it means that you really do not belong here.


----------



## BigCutieSasha

snows said:


> Let me also say, that I've dated thin girls and I've dated fat girls. Dating a fat chick is a good way to get stigmatized by society. Simply from the way people look at you on the street. Whether we like it or not people judge your worth in society, by what kind of suite you wear, what kind of car you drive, and most important of all who you date.



Maybe it's just me, and in no way am I getting in your face Snow. But people in society can just be cruel, as anyone should know. Thats just how people are everyday. My question is why do you care so much what others think about you? And the bigger question, in 5 years will any of this really matter? These questions aren't meant to attack. Just to ask why in the big scheme of things do other people, who don't live perfect lives themselves, make you think you are somehow less of a quality human being for dating who you want, and doing what you want? In my experience people, if they are good people and good friends, respect a friend who is confident and open in what they want, care about and choose to do with their lives. If not, they are not people you will want to be around in 5 years.


----------



## kayrae

Sorry, snows, but fatties are also sorority girls.

And as a BBW, I might not know what it's like to be an FA and your societal pressures. But I most certainly know how closeted FAs have affected my life. You might think the terminology is bullshit, but there are plenty of women who have experienced dating these closet cases. Your ex-girlfriend with the self-esteem issues... why do you think she felt that way? Her feelings aren't based on nothing.


----------



## mergirl

i'm not sure i get the point of an Fa or a bbw board..though, maby i kinna do, maby i'm just 'ambivilent' about it!. i guess it would depend on the reasons you come to dimensions in the first place. For me i think initially it was to chat to other Fa's cause i dont know many in real life but now i just love many of the amazing people here. I get excited if i see a post by certain people because i know its going to be great, inspire me, make me laugh or make me think. The people that move me are Fa and 'F' alike and to be honest sometimes i even forget.. I was thinking, why ghetto(ise) here any more, cant we just sit around and bash thinks out and get to the bottom of things. After reading for about half an hour, trying to catch up on what has been written in this thred..hmm i'm not so sure. 
Anyway, if there is an seperate Fa/BBw board..can i get to be on both please? I am an Fa and i'm pretty sure i'm almost a bbw. If not, then can someone tell me how much i need to weigh/measure to be one, cause if it means i get to chew the fat with Lilly/mossy/GEF/Lala/Olwen/super etc etc (these are just the names off the top of my head and i KNOW as soon as i post this i will be like,.Oh so snd so)... I'm going to have to start really EATING!!
anyway, if its going to happen let me know. x


----------



## furious styles

snows said:


> ...



dude, how humanly much can you feel sorry for yourself? i've actually always been one to at least _try_ to defend closeted FAs, but it's obvious to me that you're just a coward. if you can't handle people looking at you differently, then run along and be a little sheep. work your same job as everyone else, comb your hair the same way as everyone else, and have the same vapid but "beneficial" relationships with women that are really going to _get you places_ in society.


----------



## BigCutieSasha

krismiss said:


> I think this part needs to be highlighted... and I think the fact that you just said it means that you really do not belong here.



Not to attack, but your telling him he might not belong here because he had thoughts of changing who he would date based on societal pressures right?

So would any women here who have had thoughts about losing weight due to societal pressures not belong here?

The fact is I've been messed about by closeted FA's in my past. Yeah it made me angry, but I also let it happen. Anytime we allow a guy who doesn't treat us with the most respect due we have to take a small amount of responsibility in those actions. Not all, but some. We only get treated how we allow ourselves to get treated. 

Snow is a closeted FA who will have a problem coming out and being comfortable with his preference for a while. But I can't blame him or other closeted FA's for feeling like this if they look at this thread and see everyone attacking him rather than trying to talk to him about why he feels the need to submit to societies pressures.


----------



## Weeze

Nooo. No attack taken 

I just wrote a whole bunch of shit.

I'm going to stop talking now until I can actually put my brain into words. haha.


----------



## Blackjack

furious styles said:


> dude, how humanly much can you feel sorry for yourself? i've actually always been one to at least _try_ to defend closeted FAs, but it's obvious to me that you're just a coward. if you can't handle people looking at you differently, then run along and be a little sheep. work your same job as everyone else, comb your hair the same way as everyone else, and have the same vapid but "beneficial" relationships with women that are really going to _get you places_ in society.



I was figuring out how best to respond, but it looks like FS here covered pretty much what I was gonna say.


----------



## sully57

I'm not going to pretend I've read every post in this thread... I have a very dodgy tinternet connection... so it would take months! But I gotta say some things.

I wouldn't say I've ever been in, or out, any FA closet. And I think that most of the FA's (male and female) in the world are in the same position. I have no idea how many members this site has, active and inactive (as I was until very recently) but we do not account for even a tiny percantage of all the fat girls, fat guys or fat girl/guy lovers in the world... not even close. And they seem to do all right. 

I'm in the military (where if your not slagged rotten with no mercy about everything and anything every day something's gone wrong!) and quite a few of the guys are/were FA's, they make no big deal about it, jokes abound, but they do about everyones girl/boy friends, fat, thin, tall, short, blonde, ginger, army, navy, air-force, marines... whatever! None of these guys use this site (to the best of my knowledge) or any other forum based BBW/BHM/FA site.

Even in my small home-village I see FA's, neither in nor out a closet. But that's a long story! 

I guess what I'm saying is, let's not worry about people's insecurities. If some bloke doesn't want to be seen with a fat girl, but wants to fuck them, then he needs help, but he can only help himself. If he finds a girl who complies with it, then she too needs help, and she too can only help her self. At least if they are here they might be making steps in the right direction to helping themselves become free of our consumer culture that works so hard to stifle imagination and destroy the individual and his/her self worth.

Sorry for the rant, especially as none (but one) of you know who I am!


----------



## t3h_n00b

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> Just because you have never heard of an FA who came to prysical or psychologica harm, Mergirl, does not mean that it has never happened. I can tell you from personal experience that one obstacle FAs have to overcome is "genuine fear" - fear of how family and friends (as well as complete strangers) will react.
> 
> I'm not saying that FAs deal with the exact same level of reaction that gay people do, but it's similar.
> 
> And like I've said in other posts in this thread, it's not fair to use the term "closeted FAs" to refer to both FAs who are still coming to grips with their preference and those who only want a BBW where no one else can see. The former group is truly closeted - just like a gay person who has yet to come out. The latter group is made up of users, who should be avoided like the plague.



Agreed. Before I even know that there was such a thing as being an FA, I was afraid that liking fat women meant that there was something wrong with me psychologically or emotionally. I had issues with self-esteem as a teenager and based on the representation of plus sized people in media (and the aversion most people tend to show towards gaining weight etc), so it didn't seem possible that i could like fat women while being a well adjusted person. In our society, fat is considered a universal trait of ugliness. That's obviously wrong, but it unfortunately holds a lot of power in our society. Part of what perpetuates that view is that there are virtually no good depictions of male FA's in media. For plus sized women to be passed off as ugly, they can't have desirable suitors. They're always either abusive, unattractive, creepy, etc. Who would want to say they're one of those guys? In addition to the horrible things the media does to the image of plus sized women, it also does a number on the guys who find them attractive. 

Seems like its a little more acceptable (or at least more common) for a woman to be with a plus sized man (King of Queens, the Honeymooners, etc) though. I'm not sure if or how that impacts females who prefer bigger men. I'm also not sure how sizeism works in homosexual relationships.


----------



## furious styles

MsSasha said:


> Not to attack, but your telling him he might not belong here because he had thoughts of changing who he would date based on societal pressures right?
> 
> So would any women here who have had thoughts about losing weight due to societal pressures not belong here?
> 
> The fact is I've been messed about by closeted FA's in my past. Yeah it made me angry, but I also let it happen. Anytime we allow a guy who doesn't treat us with the most respect due we have to take a small amount of responsibility in those actions. Not all, but some. We only get treated how we allow ourselves to get treated.
> 
> Snow is a closeted FA who will have a problem coming out and being comfortable with his preference for a while. But I can't blame him or other closeted FA's for feeling like this if they look at this thread and see everyone attacking him rather than trying to talk to him about why he feels the need to submit to societies pressures.



and see sasha, normally i'd agree with you. i guess i'm just sick of seeing these men treat women like fucking commodities. snows is reducing you to a fetish. on top of that, he's thinly veiling the fact that he thinks he can "do better" with his supposed ex girlfriend's issues. i'm not even sure this guy is a real fa, but regardless of wether he is or isn't, he gives off huge fucking douche vibes. i'm sick and tired of standing up for people like that.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

furious styles said:


> and see sasha, normally i'd agree with you. i guess i'm just sick of seeing these men treat women like fucking commodities. snows is reducing you to a fetish. on top of that, he's thinly veiling the fact that he thinks he can "do better" with his supposed ex girlfriend's issues. i'm not even sure this guy is a real fa, but regardless of wether he is or isn't, he gives off huge fucking douche vibes. i'm sick and tired of standing up for people like that.



agreed with this 100% 

and as for this part .. 

"It really is a hard thing to freely give up people looking at you with admiration and even jealousy for pity"

being looked at with admiration and jealousy by FAs who lack the courage to stop being so insecure and go after what they truly desire? 

sounds pretty sweet to me.


----------



## UWSGuy

I just found this place, this is my first post. I don't have enough time to read through this entire thread, but it's an interesting topic. 

I've been I guess what you would call an "out" FA from day 1, since I was in high school. It wasn't a big deal to me, I just found big women as attractive, or more attractive, in general, than "skinny" women, and I had no problem at all telling anyone that. 

It didn't translate, though, into me ever really being able to get a GF who was plus-sized. Where I was from - NYC - there tended not to be a lot of bigger women, and the ones who were there tended not to be out and around that much. And interestingly, there were a few instances over the years where a few BBWs I met seemed not to like me specifically because I found BBWs attractive and was open about it. 

For instance, I'll never forget one example of this. There was a girl I liked who hung out in a circle of friends I knew. And I liked her, we got along, and we would probably have started dating at some point. She was what I would call "chubby", full-figured, only a bit overweight, but probably not quite a full-fledged BBW. 

But, some of the people we hung out with told her that I "like fat chicks", and after that, she wasn't interested. I sensed it all at the time, but it was only much later that I was told specifically that 1) she was interested in me at first and 2) wasn't interested after being told that I "like fat chicks". 

Then I remember another time, with another group of friends, tangentially connected to the first group. In this group, there was a girl who I found very attractive. She was definitely a full-fledged BBW, I thought she was gorgeous. I hung out with them for a while, and I definitely noticed that at a certain point, she started giving me a very clear cold-shoulder, even though I barely knew her. My best friend in that group at that time, asked me why I didn't "go for it" with her, and I explained to him what I was sensing. I was like "trust me, she disses me any time I try to talk to her". My friend was like "no way! I guarantee you she will be very happy if you go talk to her" - he meant that I was an attractive guy, and that she probably didn't get hit on that much. But I will never forget telling him "no, trust me, she will diss me, watch". So I went over to her, with my friend watching from afar, and struck up another conversation with her. And again, she was cold to me and turned away. So I went back to my friend and said "see?" and he said to me "I can't believe that". And of course, later on I found out that she too had been told that I "like fat chicks" which was why she didn't like me. With her, I barely even knew her, I only talked to her a few times before she started completely dissing me whenever I was around. 

So the upshot is, my experience being "out" as an FA hasn't been bad, but it also never enabled me to get a BBW GF, and in fact seems to have made the few BBWs I came across in life specifically not like me. So, all these years, I always have just dated skinny women, which was basically fine. I tried BBW online dating a little bit, but that didn't pan out much either. First of all, there just aren't many BBWs in NYC, and second of all, the ones who are online tend to not be people I connect with fully - I experienced the usual assortment of distasteful but also amusing insanities from the women I talked with and the few I actually met.


----------



## tonynyc

UWSGuy said:


> First of all, there just aren't many BBWs in NYC, and second of all, the ones who are online tend to not be people I connect with fully - I experienced the usual assortment of distasteful but also amusing insanities from the women I talked with and the few I actually met.



*
No BBWs in NYC 
Welcome to the boards - hopefully Dims will expand your choices in meeting great folks. 

*


----------



## AnnMarie

UWSGuy said:


> I just found this place, this is my first post. I don't have enough time to read through this entire thread, but it's an interesting topic.
> 
> I've been I guess what you would call an "out" FA from day 1, since I was in high school. It wasn't a big deal to me, I just found big women as attractive, or more attractive, in general, than "skinny" women, and I had no problem at all telling anyone that.
> 
> It didn't translate, though, into me ever really being able to get a GF who was plus-sized. Where I was from - NYC - there tended not to be a lot of bigger women, and the ones who were there tended not to be out and around that much. And interestingly, there were a few instances over the years where a few BBWs I met seemed not to like me specifically because I found BBWs attractive and was open about it.
> 
> For instance, I'll never forget one example of this. There was a girl I liked who hung out in a circle of friends I knew. And I liked her, we got along, and we would probably have started dating at some point. She was what I would call "chubby", full-figured, only a bit overweight, but probably not quite a full-fledged BBW.
> 
> But, some of the people we hung out with told her that I "like fat chicks", and after that, she wasn't interested. I sensed it all at the time, but it was only much later that I was told specifically that 1) she was interested in me at first and 2) wasn't interested after being told that I "like fat chicks".
> 
> Then I remember another time, with another group of friends, tangentially connected to the first group. In this group, there was a girl who I found very attractive. She was definitely a full-fledged BBW, I thought she was gorgeous. I hung out with them for a while, and I definitely noticed that at a certain point, she started giving me a very clear cold-shoulder, even though I barely knew her. My best friend in that group at that time, asked me why I didn't "go for it" with her, and I explained to him what I was sensing. I was like "trust me, she disses me any time I try to talk to her". My friend was like "no way! I guarantee you she will be very happy if you go talk to her" - he meant that I was an attractive guy, and that she probably didn't get hit on that much. But I will never forget telling him "no, trust me, she will diss me, watch". So I went over to her, with my friend watching from afar, and struck up another conversation with her. And again, she was cold to me and turned away. So I went back to my friend and said "see?" and he said to me "I can't believe that". And of course, later on I found out that she too had been told that I "like fat chicks" which was why she didn't like me. With her, I barely even knew her, I only talked to her a few times before she started completely dissing me whenever I was around.
> 
> So the upshot is, my experience being "out" as an FA hasn't been bad, but it also never enabled me to get a BBW GF, and in fact seems to have made the few BBWs I came across in life specifically not like me. So, all these years, I always have just dated skinny women, which was basically fine. I tried BBW online dating a little bit, but that didn't pan out much either. First of all, there just aren't many BBWs in NYC, and second of all, the ones who are online tend to not be people I connect with fully - I experienced the usual assortment of distasteful but also amusing insanities from the women I talked with and the few I actually met.




Welcome and thanks for sharing another side of the coin. When I was much younger and unhappy with my body, I would have resented anyone who liked me even partially because of it. For me, acceptance of myself and contentment in who I am has given me the gift of being open to someone enjoying my body and personality - all of me. It's a good thing. 

But, there are some women who don't want an FA of any type no matter how they feel about themselves (good/bad/indifferent)... so, it's all about the girl you meet and what they want in life. But keep looking, there are lots of fat girls around who enjoy dating FAs and would be happy to know you, I'm sure. 

Best.


----------



## superodalisque

sully57 said:


> I'm not going to pretend I've read every post in this thread... I have a very dodgy tinternet connection... so it would take months! But I gotta say some things.
> 
> I wouldn't say I've ever been in, or out, any FA closet. And I think that most of the FA's (male and female) in the world are in the same position. I have no idea how many members this site has, active and inactive (as I was until very recently) but we do not account for even a tiny percantage of all the fat girls, fat guys or fat girl/guy lovers in the world... not even close. And they seem to do all right.
> 
> I'm in the military (where if your not slagged rotten with no mercy about everything and anything every day something's gone wrong!) and quite a few of the guys are/were FA's, they make no big deal about it, jokes abound, but they do about everyones girl/boy friends, fat, thin, tall, short, blonde, ginger, army, navy, air-force, marines... whatever! None of these guys use this site (to the best of my knowledge) or any other forum based BBW/BHM/FA site.
> 
> Even in my small home-village I see FA's, neither in nor out a closet. But that's a long story!
> 
> I guess what I'm saying is, let's not worry about people's insecurities. If some bloke doesn't want to be seen with a fat girl, but wants to fuck them, then he needs help, but he can only help himself. If he finds a girl who complies with it, then she too needs help, and she too can only help her self. At least if they are here they might be making steps in the right direction to helping themselves become free of our consumer culture that works so hard to stifle imagination and destroy the individual and his/her self worth.
> 
> Sorry for the rant, especially as none (but one) of you know who I am!



thank you!!!! i've been saying things like this forever but i think you put it better. and since you actually ARE an FA i think it holds more meaning for some folks who needed to hear it. i hope you post more often we need your voice.


----------



## Jon Blaze

UWSGuy said:


> I just found this place, this is my first post. I don't have enough time to read through this entire thread, but it's an interesting topic.
> 
> I've been I guess what you would call an "out" FA from day 1, since I was in high school. It wasn't a big deal to me, I just found big women as attractive, or more attractive, in general, than "skinny" women, and I had no problem at all telling anyone that.
> 
> It didn't translate, though, into me ever really being able to get a GF who was plus-sized. Where I was from - NYC - there tended not to be a lot of bigger women, and the ones who were there tended not to be out and around that much. And interestingly, there were a few instances over the years where a few BBWs I met seemed not to like me specifically because I found BBWs attractive and was open about it.
> 
> For instance, I'll never forget one example of this. There was a girl I liked who hung out in a circle of friends I knew. And I liked her, we got along, and we would probably have started dating at some point. She was what I would call "chubby", full-figured, only a bit overweight, but probably not quite a full-fledged BBW.
> 
> But, some of the people we hung out with told her that I "like fat chicks", and after that, she wasn't interested. I sensed it all at the time, but it was only much later that I was told specifically that 1) she was interested in me at first and 2) wasn't interested after being told that I "like fat chicks".
> 
> Then I remember another time, with another group of friends, tangentially connected to the first group. In this group, there was a girl who I found very attractive. She was definitely a full-fledged BBW, I thought she was gorgeous. I hung out with them for a while, and I definitely noticed that at a certain point, she started giving me a very clear cold-shoulder, even though I barely knew her. My best friend in that group at that time, asked me why I didn't "go for it" with her, and I explained to him what I was sensing. I was like "trust me, she disses me any time I try to talk to her". My friend was like "no way! I guarantee you she will be very happy if you go talk to her" - he meant that I was an attractive guy, and that she probably didn't get hit on that much. But I will never forget telling him "no, trust me, she will diss me, watch". So I went over to her, with my friend watching from afar, and struck up another conversation with her. And again, she was cold to me and turned away. So I went back to my friend and said "see?" and he said to me "I can't believe that". And of course, later on I found out that she too had been told that I "like fat chicks" which was why she didn't like me. With her, I barely even knew her, I only talked to her a few times before she started completely dissing me whenever I was around.
> 
> So the upshot is, my experience being "out" as an FA hasn't been bad, but it also never enabled me to get a BBW GF, and in fact seems to have made the few BBWs I came across in life specifically not like me. So, all these years, I always have just dated skinny women, which was basically fine. I tried BBW online dating a little bit, but that didn't pan out much either. First of all, there just aren't many BBWs in NYC, and second of all, the ones who are online tend to not be people I connect with fully - I experienced the usual assortment of distasteful but also amusing insanities from the women I talked with and the few I actually met.



I was about to rip someone else who posted in this thread a new eye socket , but now all I'm going to say is great start. Welcome aboard. :bow:


----------



## Tina

snows said:


> What I find attractive goes beyond mere description and probably isn't of interest to anybody but myself.


Yes, I do believe you're right about that.






Further, boo hoo. Trite -- overused -- and yet... get down off the cross, we need the wood!


----------



## superodalisque

UWSGuy said:


> I just found this place, this is my first post. I don't have enough time to read through this entire thread, but it's an interesting topic.
> 
> I've been I guess what you would call an "out" FA from day 1, since I was in high school. It wasn't a big deal to me, I just found big women as attractive, or more attractive, in general, than "skinny" women, and I had no problem at all telling anyone that.
> 
> It didn't translate, though, into me ever really being able to get a GF who was plus-sized. Where I was from - NYC - there tended not to be a lot of bigger women, and the ones who were there tended not to be out and around that much. And interestingly, there were a few instances over the years where a few BBWs I met seemed not to like me specifically because I found BBWs attractive and was open about it.
> 
> For instance, I'll never forget one example of this. There was a girl I liked who hung out in a circle of friends I knew. And I liked her, we got along, and we would probably have started dating at some point. She was what I would call "chubby", full-figured, only a bit overweight, but probably not quite a full-fledged BBW.
> 
> But, some of the people we hung out with told her that I "like fat chicks", and after that, she wasn't interested. I sensed it all at the time, but it was only much later that I was told specifically that 1) she was interested in me at first and 2) wasn't interested after being told that I "like fat chicks".
> 
> Then I remember another time, with another group of friends, tangentially connected to the first group. In this group, there was a girl who I found very attractive. She was definitely a full-fledged BBW, I thought she was gorgeous. I hung out with them for a while, and I definitely noticed that at a certain point, she started giving me a very clear cold-shoulder, even though I barely knew her. My best friend in that group at that time, asked me why I didn't "go for it" with her, and I explained to him what I was sensing. I was like "trust me, she disses me any time I try to talk to her". My friend was like "no way! I guarantee you she will be very happy if you go talk to her" - he meant that I was an attractive guy, and that she probably didn't get hit on that much. But I will never forget telling him "no, trust me, she will diss me, watch". So I went over to her, with my friend watching from afar, and struck up another conversation with her. And again, she was cold to me and turned away. So I went back to my friend and said "see?" and he said to me "I can't believe that". And of course, later on I found out that she too had been told that I "like fat chicks" which was why she didn't like me. With her, I barely even knew her, I only talked to her a few times before she started completely dissing me whenever I was around.
> 
> So the upshot is, my experience being "out" as an FA hasn't been bad, but it also never enabled me to get a BBW GF, and in fact seems to have made the few BBWs I came across in life specifically not like me. So, all these years, I always have just dated skinny women, which was basically fine. I tried BBW online dating a little bit, but that didn't pan out much either. First of all, there just aren't many BBWs in NYC, and second of all, the ones who are online tend to not be people I connect with fully - I experienced the usual assortment of distasteful but also amusing insanities from the women I talked with and the few I actually met.



great beginning. its fantastic to hear you sharing. i can give you my specific BBW side as to why this might have happened. i've felt the same way about some guys who are FAs myself. it has more to do with HOW he is an FA than whether he is one or not. i guess in a way being around an FA can be like being around a guy who likes big boobs. lots of guys do but if its made into a focus by yourself or your friends, even by mistake, it can be a big turn off. 

most women who are kind of self actualized want to be cared about for themselves. sure they want to be thought of as beautiful and attractive too but if a man told me on a date early into it that he liked big boobs it would be a turn-off. it would be kinda insulting to me as a women. it might not be that i don't like having my looks appreciated its just not polite for one thing and it makes me into a piece of meat for another. its much better and simpler if you just say you think she's pretty and you like her. thats probably more of the truth anyway, since i'm sure your not attracted to just any fat girl who comes your way. 

women, especially attractive ones, get guys all of the time who'd just like to sleep with them for a body part or just because they are fat. sure some women will accept that because maybe they have low self esteem and they think thats the only kind of attention they can get or deserve. but generally most guys don't want to deal with that kind of girl long term because she doesn't bring her self esteem to the table. she's just about the same as a fat girl who is ashamed of her body. if thats not what your after you need to change how you approach the situation. you have to treat her the same way you treat the thin girls you date. 

there was this guy and i found him very attractive and i liked him i think we had some chemisstry going but we met under the FA/BBW umberella. most things centered around that. his friends would say things like "your his type." " your in his top ten." they thought that would please me i guess. but i found it insulting because i don't want to be in some guys top ten. i want to be cared for for myself alone and not pitted against other women like some ditsy woman on the bachelorette or something. even my friends would go and queston him about his FA preferences. hardly any of them ever thought to ask the usual questions like whether we actually liked each other, if we had anything in common. the whole thing seemed to be just about the meat and it kind of killed the natural attraction we had for each other i think. 

being with somebody is more than just a physical preference. it can be a real problem if its not put in its appropriate place. be careful. dims and things like it are great. but it can kind of warp you too. people are so used to talking about thier sexual preferences openly that sometimes they forget what's appropriate in society at large ( no pun intended). i think FAs who don't talk about their preference too much, especially to friends ( not to be disrespectful) who have big mouths, do a lot better. you have to explain to your friends that its the same as going to tell a girl that your buddy likes big boobs and would like to talk to her. it ends up sounding like your kind of juvenile and coarse and you might have nothing else on your mind so it scares the girl away. next time you run into a BBW that your attracted to just try and find out a little something about her, and let her know something about you besides your preferences. its probably not being an FA that turned the girls off. women are sexual beings too and want their bodies to be admired and adored. but a balance has to be there. expressing how you care about each other with your bodies should realy be a matter just between the two of you. thats what makes it special. its the one thing that both of you can give each other that can be totally intimate and isolated in the world you both create. i think what turned the girls off was that the situtation made them feel disrespected and maybe desperate. like you said, your friend made it sound like you were her only chance.


----------



## olwen

UWSGuy said:


> I just found this place, this is my first post. I don't have enough time to read through this entire thread, but it's an interesting topic.
> 
> I've been I guess what you would call an "out" FA from day 1, since I was in high school. It wasn't a big deal to me, I just found big women as attractive, or more attractive, in general, than "skinny" women, and I had no problem at all telling anyone that.
> 
> It didn't translate, though, into me ever really being able to get a GF who was plus-sized. Where I was from - NYC - there tended not to be a lot of bigger women, and the ones who were there tended not to be out and around that much. And interestingly, there were a few instances over the years where a few BBWs I met seemed not to like me specifically because I found BBWs attractive and was open about it.
> 
> For instance, I'll never forget one example of this. There was a girl I liked who hung out in a circle of friends I knew. And I liked her, we got along, and we would probably have started dating at some point. She was what I would call "chubby", full-figured, only a bit overweight, but probably not quite a full-fledged BBW.
> 
> But, some of the people we hung out with told her that I "like fat chicks", and after that, she wasn't interested. I sensed it all at the time, but it was only much later that I was told specifically that 1) she was interested in me at first and 2) wasn't interested after being told that I "like fat chicks".
> 
> Then I remember another time, with another group of friends, tangentially connected to the first group. In this group, there was a girl who I found very attractive. She was definitely a full-fledged BBW, I thought she was gorgeous. I hung out with them for a while, and I definitely noticed that at a certain point, she started giving me a very clear cold-shoulder, even though I barely knew her. My best friend in that group at that time, asked me why I didn't "go for it" with her, and I explained to him what I was sensing. I was like "trust me, she disses me any time I try to talk to her". My friend was like "no way! I guarantee you she will be very happy if you go talk to her" - he meant that I was an attractive guy, and that she probably didn't get hit on that much. But I will never forget telling him "no, trust me, she will diss me, watch". So I went over to her, with my friend watching from afar, and struck up another conversation with her. And again, she was cold to me and turned away. So I went back to my friend and said "see?" and he said to me "I can't believe that". And of course, later on I found out that she too had been told that I "like fat chicks" which was why she didn't like me. With her, I barely even knew her, I only talked to her a few times before she started completely dissing me whenever I was around.
> 
> So the upshot is, my experience being "out" as an FA hasn't been bad, but it also never enabled me to get a BBW GF, and in fact seems to have made the few BBWs I came across in life specifically not like me. So, all these years, I always have just dated skinny women, which was basically fine. I tried BBW online dating a little bit, but that didn't pan out much either. First of all, there just aren't many BBWs in NYC, and second of all, the ones who are online tend to not be people I connect with fully - I experienced the usual assortment of distasteful but also amusing insanities from the women I talked with and the few I actually met.



What are you talking about?!? There are TONS of BBWs in NYC. We're everywhere here. I see fat girls all the time. I think you probably are just really really picky. Like I have a friend who for years and years liked hipster girls with black hair and bangs who loved to wear converse sneakers, stripped socks and t-shirts and jeans, and glassess. Very specific, subsequently, he hardly ever found girls who looked like that and sulked about it all the time.


----------



## BubbleButtBabe

snows said:


> *I'm not going to let some fetish beyond my control direct my life.* It's up to me and only up to me what girl I pursue and seek a relationship with. So your whole concept of a closeted FA is bullshit. You have no idea personally what ways that preference affects me and how it manifests itself, regardless of the question of whether or not one should go with that preference. What I find attractive goes beyond mere description and probably isn't of interest to anybody but myself.
> 
> Let me also say, that I've dated thin girls and I've dated fat girls.* Dating a fat chick is a good way to get stigmatized by society.* Simply from the way people look at you on the street. Whether we like it or not people judge your worth in society, by what kind of suite you wear, what kind of car you drive, and most important of all who you date.
> 
> My last relationship was with a heavier girl who had a lot of self esteem problems and issues. My current relationship is with a sorority girl. As an aside, you all should realize the extent to which sorrities suffer about their weight or at least empathize with them on it. There is an extreme focus on their weight and an utter impetus is placed on beauty. There probably under more scrutiny from each other and the desire to look perfect, then almost any other group of women I can think of. Of course I'm not trying to excuse the utter vapidity and stupidity of the whole enterprise, nor am I trying to minimize the suffering that BBWs go through, just saying that the two groups are more oddly similar than you would think.
> 
> but just the way the heavier girl's friends looked at me, seemed filled with something almost like pity or condensation. It really is a hard thing to freely give up people looking at you with admiration and even jealousy for pity, and your own feelings about yourself.* When I was in that relationship I felt an almost constant need to remind myself that I could do better and wasn't in the relationship because that was the best I could get, everything even the girl herself seemed to be giving me the message that I was just settling for something.*
> 
> I feel little need to go with what my sexual drive tells me, over what society tells me. Both I think should be pretty insignificant in however I choose to have a relationship with. I'm only 20 so I'm still fairly ambivalent about what I want out of a relationship, I just know that I would like to be free as possible of any societal or sexual prejudice. Anyways I guess I would date a bbw or at least a plumper girl in the future, so call me a closeted FA or whatever you want, those labels are meaningless and parodist to me.



Here I thought it was a preference and not a fetish. Damn I need to read the small print again.

Your young so I will excuse this comment. Just to give you a heads up,in a few years you wont give a shit what society says,just be prepared,it sounds like that might shock you.

Damn if you thought you could do better then why even bother this nice young lady with your presence? Umm did you ever think for a minute she might have been thinking."What the hell am I doing with this looser when there are other out there looking for me?" and that was the vibe you were getting from her? Is it that you think you are such a "catch" she should have been kissing the ground you walk on? Is it that you are such a "stud" she should be lucky you even glanced her way? GMAFB


I do have one little grain of wisdom to leave you with,please always remember this,*Do not look at the outer package only because that fades in time,always look deep to what is inside*. That is the part that should matter the most.


----------



## Fascinita

This is downright depressing. Pardon me while I excuse myself from this thread. I come to Dimensions to find people who celebrate and like fat folks. I don't have to "listen" to this insulting crap over and over. I have better things to do.




snows said:


> I'm not going to let some fetish beyond my control direct my life. It's up to me and only up to me what girl I pursue and seek a relationship with. So your whole concept of a closeted FA is bullshit. You have no idea personally what ways that preference affects me and how it manifests itself, regardless of the question of whether or not one should go with that preference. What I find attractive goes beyond mere description and probably isn't of interest to anybody but myself.
> 
> Let me also say, that I've dated thin girls and I've dated fat girls. Dating a fat chick is a good way to get stigmatized by society. Simply from the way people look at you on the street. Whether we like it or not people judge your worth in society, by what kind of suite you wear, what kind of car you drive, and most important of all who you date.
> 
> My last relationship was with a heavier girl who had a lot of self esteem problems and issues. My current relationship is with a sorority girl. As an aside, you all should realize the extent to which sorrities suffer about their weight or at least empathize with them on it. There is an extreme focus on their weight and an utter impetus is placed on beauty. There probably under more scrutiny from each other and the desire to look perfect, then almost any other group of women I can think of. Of course I'm not trying to excuse the utter vapidity and stupidity of the whole enterprise, nor am I trying to minimize the suffering that BBWs go through, just saying that the two groups are more oddly similar than you would think.
> 
> but just the way the heavier girl's friends looked at me, seemed filled with something almost like pity or condensation. It really is a hard thing to freely give up people looking at you with admiration and even jealousy for pity, and your own feelings about yourself. When I was in that relationship I felt an almost constant need to remind myself that I could do better and wasn't in the relationship because that was the best I could get, everything even the girl herself seemed to be giving me the message that I was just settling for something.
> 
> I feel little need to go with what my sexual drive tells me, over what society tells me. Both I think should be pretty insignificant in however I choose to have a relationship with. I'm only 20 so I'm still fairly ambivalent about what I want out of a relationship, I just know that I would like to be free as possible of any societal or sexual prejudice. Anyways I guess I would date a bbw or at least a plumper girl in the future, so call me a closeted FA or whatever you want, those labels are meaningless and parodist to me.


----------



## katorade

snows said:


> I'm not going to let some fetish beyond my control direct my life. It's up to me and only up to me what girl I pursue and seek a relationship with. So your whole concept of a closeted FA is bullshit. You have no idea personally what ways that preference affects me and how it manifests itself, regardless of the question of whether or not one should go with that preference. What I find attractive goes beyond mere description and probably isn't of interest to anybody but myself.
> 
> Let me also say, that I've dated thin girls and I've dated fat girls. Dating a fat chick is a good way to get stigmatized by society. Simply from the way people look at you on the street. Whether we like it or not people judge your worth in society, by what kind of suite you wear, what kind of car you drive, and most important of all who you date.
> 
> My last relationship was with a heavier girl who had a lot of self esteem problems and issues. My current relationship is with a sorority girl. As an aside, you all should realize the extent to which sorrities suffer about their weight or at least empathize with them on it. There is an extreme focus on their weight and an utter impetus is placed on beauty. There probably under more scrutiny from each other and the desire to look perfect, then almost any other group of women I can think of. Of course I'm not trying to excuse the utter vapidity and stupidity of the whole enterprise, nor am I trying to minimize the suffering that BBWs go through, just saying that the two groups are more oddly similar than you would think.
> 
> but just the way the heavier girl's friends looked at me, seemed filled with something almost like pity or condensation. It really is a hard thing to freely give up people looking at you with admiration and even jealousy for pity, and your own feelings about yourself. When I was in that relationship I felt an almost constant need to remind myself that I could do better and wasn't in the relationship because that was the best I could get, everything even the girl herself seemed to be giving me the message that I was just settling for something.
> 
> I feel little need to go with what my sexual drive tells me, over what society tells me. Both I think should be pretty insignificant in however I choose to have a relationship with. I'm only 20 so I'm still fairly ambivalent about what I want out of a relationship, I just know that I would like to be free as possible of any societal or sexual prejudice. Anyways I guess I would date a bbw or at least a plumper girl in the future, so call me a closeted FA or whatever you want, those labels are meaningless and parodist to me.



The relationship that the sentences in red have with the sentences in blue is what we like to call "hypocrisy". 

Also, have fun letting other people live your life for you.


----------



## superodalisque

snows said:


> I'm not going to let some fetish beyond my control direct my life. It's up to me and only up to me what girl I pursue and seek a relationship with. So your whole concept of a closeted FA is bullshit. You have no idea personally what ways that preference affects me and how it manifests itself, regardless of the question of whether or not one should go with that preference. What I find attractive goes beyond mere description and probably isn't of interest to anybody but myself. they are happy with a series of short termed relationships where they can blame the man even though nothing has been provided to keep the guy other than a few short termed bursts of endorphines you get from realizing a sexual fantasy.
> 
> Let me also say, that I've dated thin girls and I've dated fat girls. Dating a fat chick is a good way to get stigmatized by society. Simply from the way people look at you on the street. Whether we like it or not people judge your worth in society, by what kind of suite you wear, what kind of car you drive, and most important of all who you date.
> 
> My last relationship was with a heavier girl who had a lot of self esteem problems and issues. My current relationship is with a sorority girl. As an aside, you all should realize the extent to which sorrities suffer about their weight or at least empathize with them on it. There is an extreme focus on their weight and an utter impetus is placed on beauty. There probably under more scrutiny from each other and the desire to look perfect, then almost any other group of women I can think of. Of course I'm not trying to excuse the utter vapidity and stupidity of the whole enterprise, nor am I trying to minimize the suffering that BBWs go through, just saying that the two groups are more oddly similar than you would think.
> 
> but just the way the heavier girl's friends looked at me, seemed filled with something almost like pity or condensation. It really is a hard thing to freely give up people looking at you with admiration and even jealousy for pity, and your own feelings about yourself. When I was in that relationship I felt an almost constant need to remind myself that I could do better and wasn't in the relationship because that was the best I could get, everything even the girl herself seemed to be giving me the message that I was just settling for something.
> 
> I feel little need to go with what my sexual drive tells me, over what society tells me. Both I think should be pretty insignificant in however I choose to have a relationship with. I'm only 20 so I'm still fairly ambivalent about what I want out of a relationship, I just know that I would like to be free as possible of any societal or sexual prejudice. Anyways I guess I would date a bbw or at least a plumper girl in the future, so call me a closeted FA or whatever you want, those labels are meaningless and parodist to me.



i know people don't want to hear what you have to say because it might rub some people the wrong way. i thank you for saying it because its a truth. these are the things a lot of my friends who are FAs tell me in private. and a lot of BBWs don't want to believe and hear that the penis isn't the thing that drives a man entirely. if they stop believing that they don't have the excuse to stop working on themselves and depend totally on a fetishistic relationship where its enough just to be fat. 

also they don't want to hear that a huge part of a man's happiness comes down to feeling proud. thats a part of his identity as a guy. part of that is being proud of who he is with. having a fat woman by his side who refuses to aknowledge that doesn't help either. its not because he is necessarily ashamed of her but its because she is ashamed of herself. everyone can smell it on her, even her friends. so an FA even has to live with the pity of people he shouldn't and doesn't have to. if he were with a proud self possessed BBW who wasn't afraid of being in the world, didn't hide away in the community and could go out and conquer his thin friends with her fat attraction magnetism optimism and charm it might make a difference. and as you say the lack of this ability is rampant in the thin world too. the difference is its harder to hide and blend in when you are a BBW. people's eyes don;t just slide over you to the next cookie cut out. so when you have a lack of confidence its a BIG lack of confidence. 

all of this reflects on a guy. BBWs who are really confident have no trouble living in the real world. people don't want to talk about it but there is a BBW closet too. its the women who refuse to live outside the community and keep their heads in the sand. they form their entire life based on being a fetish. they create and live in a completely fat universe because they are always afraid and embarrassed about who they are. they have excuses not to take care of themselves to the level that other women do etc...i think the next move for SA is to encourage women to stop hiding and to learn how to manage living in the world with the rest of the population, and not in an adversarial way. but unfortunately some BBWs are all too happy to accept the title of freak outsider and desperate. then some of them refuse to acknowledge the impact this has on FAs. so when a guy doesn't want to deal with someone he feels is bringing him down he is in the closet. its funny but i have seen some of the same accused FAs in happy relationships with BBWs who don't need to be propped up at every turn. when we are asking a man to stand up and be a man , we need to also make sure we are standing up and being women. cowardess doesn't look good on a woman either.


----------



## katorade

superodalisque said:


> i know people don't want to hear what you have to say because it might rub some people the wrong way. i thank you for saying it because its a truth. these are the things a lot of my friends who are FAs tell me in private. and a lot of BBWs don't want to believe and hear that the penis isn't the thing that drives a man entirely. if they stop believing that they don't have the excuse to stop working on themselves and depend totally on a fetishistic relationship where its enough just to be fat.




I'm sorry, but I disagree entirely. What I take offense to is the fact that *he's* not driving his life, he's just going to leave it up to either his penis or his friends/colleagues. I'm sorry, but a real man is defined by neither.


----------



## superodalisque

katorade said:


> I'm sorry, but I disagree entirely. What I take offense to is the fact that *he's* not driving his life, he's just going to leave it up to either his penis or his friends/colleagues. I'm sorry, but a real man is defined by neither.



i'm not sure i understand what you mean. are you saying that guys are only penises? i dont want to mischaracterize what your saying. i disagree. i think he is saying that his self esteem is important. thats what i got when i read it. if he were just ashamed of fat women i don't think he would date them as well as thin women. and he has been out with them in public etc... since if he hadn't he wouldn't be talking about that experience. i think what he is saying is that his penis is not the all encomapassing thing some women would like to make it out to be, and he has made a choice based on a whole bunch of different thing that aren't only based on his penis. and also i don't think it would be necessarily a choice betwen his penis and collegues. who says there aren't men who can't also have a satisfactory sexual realtionship with both fat and thin women?

PS: i think i edited after you made the next reply so people should keep that in mind


----------



## katorade

superodalisque said:


> i'm not sure i understand what you mean. are you saying that guys are only penises? i dont want to mischaracterize what your saying.



No, I'm saying the exact opposite. I don't want to hear what he has to say, not because I think what he's saying is truthful or a reflection on myself, but because it's downright weak and childish while trying to come off as defensive and self-righteous.


----------



## katorade

superodalisque said:


> i'm not sure i understand what you mean. are you saying that guys are only penises? i dont want to mischaracterize what your saying. i disagree. i think he is saying that his self esteem is important. thats what i got when i read it. if he were just ashamed of fat women i don't think he would date them as well as thin women. and he has been out with them in public etc... since if he hadn't he wouldn't be talking about that experience. i think what he is saying is that his penis is not the all encomapassing thing some women would like to make it out to be, and he has made a choice based on a whole bunch of different thing that aren't only based on his penis.



This is what I'm focusing on, penises be damned. Letting your peers decide what they think is acceptable and right for you is JUST AS BAD as letting your winky do the thinking. How about using his own brain?


----------



## Paquito

snows said:


> Let me also say, that I've dated thin girls and I've dated fat girls. Dating a fat chick is a good way to get stigmatized by society. Simply from the way people look at you on the street. Whether we like it or not people judge your worth in society, by what kind of suite you wear, what kind of car you drive, and most important of all who you date.



It's just a hard knock life being with a fat girl where you MIGHT get judged by society. I'd hate to think that we FAs would be possibly shunned by society, I can't imagine anyone having to go through that. How would we ever cope with this ordeal?

Chock another one up to the "Look at fat girls but don't touch."

I, on the other hand, will continue to touch...

Green Eyed Fairy...


----------



## superodalisque

katorade said:


> No, I'm saying the exact opposite. I don't want to hear what he has to say, not because I think what he's saying is truthful or a reflection on myself, but because it's downright weak and childish while trying to come off as defensive and self-righteous.



its not a dialogue if people don't at least hear what other people have to say whether they agree or not. 

all i was wondering was if on the other side of it if sometimes BBWs aren't weak and childish when they refuse to live in the world but in a socratic cave and they expect FAs to live in it with them? so for some people it might not be the closet some think it is but a choice not to live in a narrow world?


----------



## superodalisque

katorade said:


> This is what I'm focusing on, penises be damned. Letting your peers decide what they think is acceptable and right for you is JUST AS BAD as letting your winky do the thinking. How about using his own brain?



maybe he is. maybe he is thinking of his career. maybe he is thinking of the basic practicality of being with a BBW or even an SSBBW. can he personally handle health situations. if he can't its better to leave a BBW alone than to leave her in a lurch. can he handle any limitations if there are any. can she handle them. he does live in the world. hey, if he can leave a fat woman behind and be with a thin one and be happy whats the big deal? its one more BBW that does not have to deal with any pressure from him, real or percieved, that she has to live up to any expectations he may have. its his choice to make and he has made it. he doesn't owe any BBW his life. and i don't feel he is asking for anyone's pity either. he is just talking about his reality.


----------



## katorade

superodalisque said:


> its not a dialogue if people don't at least hear what other people have to say whether they agree or not.
> 
> all i was wondering was if on the other side of it if sometimes BBWs aren't weak and childish when they refuse to live in the world but in a socratic cave and they expect FAs to live in it with them? so for some people it might not be the closet some think it is but a choice not to live in a narrow world?




I suppose I should say that I'll listen to what he has to say, but won't give any merit to it. I agree that there are definitely women that pull the same crap and let other people dictate what they think of themselves, and I don't agree with that, either. I can empathize with them more, though, because their worries are based on doubts of themselves, and not doubts of who they choose to surround themselves with. 

If a woman never comes around to the idea that a man can love her, then yes, he's probably better off leaving because that frustration is maddening and something he can't fix himself, but when his opinions are sullied by people who have absolutely nothing to do with the relationship? Fuck that. 

There's always going to be people who frown upon who you choose to be with, whether it stems from disapproval or their own jealousy or lack of understanding or just general douchebaggery. I'm just not a fan of my SO letting other people discern MY worth to them. They should be the only people deciding that.


----------



## katorade

superodalisque said:


> maybe he is. maybe he is thinking of his career. maybe he is thinking of the basic practicality of being with a BBW or even an SSBBW. can he personally handle health situations. if he can't its better to leave a BBW alone than to leave her in a lurch. can he handle any limitations if there are any. can she handle them. he does live in the world. hey, if he can leave a fat woman behind and be with a thin one and be happy whats the big deal? its one more BBW that does not have to deal with any pressure from him, real or percieved, that she has to live up to any expectations he may have. its his choice to make and he has made it. he doesn't owe any BBW his life. and i don't feel he is asking for anyone's pity either. he is just talking about his reality.



I'm not coming from this with a purely BBW viewpoint. The same would apply to any man or woman with the same screwed up ideas of what a relationship actually is. A relationship is not an accessory. If he's worried about his career or problems that may arise in the future, then he may as well never get into a relationship with anyone, because there are NO guarantees that any one certain kind of person is going to be a form of foolproof happiness.


----------



## superodalisque

katorade said:


> I suppose I should say that I'll listen to what he has to say, but won't give any merit to it. I agree that there are definitely women that pull the same crap and let other people dictate what they think of themselves, and I don't agree with that, either. I can empathize with them more, though, because their worries are based on doubts of themselves, and not doubts of who they choose to surround themselves with.
> 
> If a woman never comes around to the idea that a man can love her, then yes, he's probably better off leaving because that frustration is maddening and something he can't fix himself, but when his opinions are sullied by people who have absolutely nothing to do with the relationship? Fuck that.
> 
> There's always going to be people who frown upon who you choose to be with, whether it stems from disapproval or their own jealousy or lack of understanding or just general douchebaggery. I'm just not a fan of my SO letting other people discern MY worth to them. They should be the only people deciding that.



but why should a BBW care? there are other men around who are willing. she should just be with the ones who are.

i don't think women are exempt from any of the feelings that men have.i now pleny of women who have left a guy alone becuase he was embarrassing to them for various reasons,

if an FA its his struggle if he wants to take it up. he can either give up on the idea of being with a BBW, or try to get help like the guys do here. it shoudn't really affect BBWs so much. we need to learn how to be friends and stop trying to have relationships with and be lovers with people who aren't ready yet. and you can say the same for FAs who are trying to force BBWs who aren't ready yet to be confident with their bodies. i don't think we give each other room to grow. FAs are anxious to have the woman they want and BBWs are anxious to have the men they want. everyone is disregarding the fact that sometimes people are just not ready.


----------



## katorade

superodalisque said:


> but why should a BBW care? there are other men around who are willing. she should just be with the ones who are.
> 
> i don't think women are exempt from any of the feelings that men have.i now pleny of women who have left a guy alone becuase he was embarrassing to them for various reasons,




Again, I never meant it as being offensive just to BBWs, although I am one. It's just downright offensive to anyone, man or woman, that gets to be on the receiving end of that trainwreck of thinking.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus

olwen said:


> What are you talking about?!? There are TONS of BBWs in NYC. We're everywhere here. I see fat girls all the time. I think you probably are just really really picky. Like I have a friend who for years and years liked hipster girls with black hair and bangs who loved to wear converse sneakers, stripped socks and t-shirts and jeans, and glassess. Very specific, subsequently, he hardly ever found girls who looked like that and sulked about it all the time.


I lived in NJ for 42 years, and there are many places in the NY Metro area where you do not find BBWs. Believe it or not, for many FAs BBWs are hard to find.

Which is why many of them are still unfulfilled - they haven't found a BBW to connect with yet.


----------



## superodalisque

katorade said:


> Again, I never meant it as being offensive just to BBWs, although I am one. It's just downright offensive to anyone, man or woman, that gets to be on the receiving end of that trainwreck of thinking.




ok i see what your saying.


----------



## mergirl

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> Believe it or not, for many FAs BBWs are hard to find.
> 
> .



And for some people w's are hard to find.
I dont think its hard to believe AT ALL that some Fa's find it hard to find bbws. Listening to what some of the Fa's are saying on here..the BBW's are all hiding from them!!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

sully57 said:


> I'
> 
> I guess what I'm saying is, let's not worry about people's insecurities. If some bloke doesn't want to be seen with a fat girl, but wants to fuck them, then he needs help, but he can only help himself. If he finds a girl who complies with it, then she too needs help, and she too can only help her self. At least if they are here they might be making steps in the right direction to helping themselves become free of our consumer culture that works so hard to stifle imagination and destroy the individual and his/her self worth.



Excellent post. Thank you for writing it. Welcome to the Boards and I echo Superodalisque in hoping to see you post more  :bow:




Tina said:


> Yes, I do believe you're right about that.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Further, boo hoo. Trite -- overused -- and yet... get down off the cross, we need the wood!



Hehehehehehehhe, I'm so going to use that get off the cross line....actually I'm mean enough to change it to get down off that cross before I bitch slap you off of it!!!  



free2beme04 said:


> It's just a hard knock life being with a fat girl where you MIGHT get judged by society. I'd hate to think that we FAs would be possibly shunned by society, I can't imagine anyone having to go through that. How would we ever cope with this ordeal?
> 
> Chock another one up to the "Look at fat girls but don't touch."
> 
> I, on the other hand, will continue to touch...
> 
> Green Eyed Fairy...



You wicked, wicked man...........you want me to paddle you with the fairy wand, now don't you? :batting:


----------



## Santaclear

snows said:


> but just the way the heavier girl's friends looked at me, seemed filled with something almost like pity or condensation.



I really enjoyed this sentence. Did you check the humidity in the room?


----------



## stan_der_man

Santaclear said:


> I really enjoyed this sentence. Did you check the humidity in the room?



This made me think of a new saying...

*An uncloseted FA gathers no moss.*


As before... carry on.


----------



## olwen

goodthings said:


> What I am finding more and more out though, with these dudes who are so in the thick of their own shit, is that if I want it (sex) I can have it and so now I am not likely to fall for their lines any more. The first time a man said I was lucky he would have sex with a fatty like me and that he was probably the only man in the world that would give it to me, I believed him. Stupid me fell for it a couple more times, but the more offers I had, the more I realized that he was the sad sack, not me. *However, now that I realize that there are millions of men who are willing to have sex, but not coffee, with a fatty, I am willing and able to wait to find one who will have coffee with me. Does this make any sense? I am now able to say that I no longer have to ask....
> 
> If I give you a blow job, will you call me in the morning! Ya Me! Now it is, when you are ready to be mature and respectful, call me and we can make a date for coffee...*



:happy: Glad you figured it out. We do have choices, and that is something we aren't told as fat teens or young adults. I wish it was something the boys were told too.



Wayne_Zitkus said:


> I lived in NJ for 42 years, and there are many places in the NY Metro area where you do not find BBWs. Believe it or not, for many FAs BBWs are hard to find.
> 
> Which is why many of them are still unfulfilled - they haven't found a BBW to connect with yet.



Eh, bbws could say the same thing about FAs. I've lived here my whole life and I can guarantee there are tons fat chicks wandering the streets of New York looking for the perfect cupcake. (a little humor there folks - please nobody freak) I could see if an FA wanted a certain type of girl, like anybody is want to do. Some like intellectual types and some like outdoorsy types, some like geeks/nerds, ect... so in that regard I can see how it would be difficult, but here in this city of over 8 million people, there ARE fat people here and there always have been. 

If the original statement was just hyperbole then forget I said anything.


----------



## wistful

superodalisque said:


> also they don't want to hear that a huge part of a man's happiness comes down to feeling proud. thats a part of his identity as a guy. part of that is being proud of who he is with. having a fat woman by his side who refuses to aknowledge that doesn't help either. its not because he is necessarily ashamed of her but its because she is ashamed of herself. everyone can smell it on her, even her friends. so an FA even has to live with the pity of people he shouldn't and doesn't have to. if he were with a proud self possessed BBW who wasn't afraid of being in the world, didn't hide away in the community and could go out and conquer his thin friends with her fat attraction magnetism optimism and charm it might make a difference. and as you say the lack of this ability is rampant in the thin world too. the difference is its harder to hide and blend in when you are a BBW. people's eyes don;t just slide over you to the next cookie cut out. so when you have a lack of confidence its a BIG lack of confidence.




While I very often agree with what you have to say Superodalisque and I certainly enjoy your posts,I couldn't disagree with you more on this one.First off, I don't believe for a second that even if "snows" had dated a super confident, fat woman,that anything would be all that different.Does confidence sometimes make a difference? Absolutely!! However, you can be highly confident..hell you can be the most confident,radiant fat woman who has ever lived and some people are still going to hold your weight against you.Why should someone have to "conquer" their boyfriend's friends? Isn't just being polite and friendly enough? Why should a big girl have to be expected to make such a huge,herculean effort that a thin girl wouldn't? Also how was his ex girlfriend supposed to be confident, when it's obvious that her boyfriend was deeply ashamed of her? Just as you state that everyone could sense her self loathing,most likely they could also sense his shame towards having a bbw for a girlfriend.I just don't think that the blame here can be laid entirely at the feet of his ex.


----------



## superodalisque

wistful said:


> While I very often agree with what you have to say Superodalisque and I certainly enjoy your posts,I couldn't disagree with you more on this one.First off, I don't believe for a second that even if "snows" had dated a super confident, fat woman,that anything would be all that different.Does confidence sometimes make a difference? Absolutely!! However, you can be highly confident..hell you can be the most confident,radiant fat woman who has ever lived and some people are still going to hold your weight against you.Why should someone have to "conquer" their boyfriend's friends? Isn't just being polite and friendly enough? Why should a big girl have to be expected to make such a huge,herculean effort that a thin girl wouldn't? Also how was his ex girlfriend supposed to be confident, when it's obvious that her boyfriend was deeply ashamed of her? Just as you state that everyone could sense her self loathing,most likely they could also sense his shame towards having a bbw for a girlfriend.I just don't think that the blame here can be laid entirely at the feet of his ex.




i got what your saying and i agree with you to a point. i don't think a woman should have to make a herculean effort either necessarily. but i don't think its should have to be a herculean effort for a fat girl to be comfortable among people in society in general and not to hide herself away like a dirty secret. she should be able to go out and charm when she feels like it. that always helps where family and friends are concerned. if people feel you are unhappy or stand-offish around them they are more likely to create problems because they are apt to think its because you don't like them. being quick to take offense of other people doesn't. help wither from what i read of his posts i got the impression that he hasn't dated a BBW who can turn it on when she needs to. so its hard to make a judgement about whether that would make a difference or not. it might not. in that case it was a moot argument.

what i was really getting at is that some of some of his reasoning is common to other FAs who are really tired of BBWs who act as though they have to basically have to apologize for existing and get mad at him and think he's a freak just because he likes her. its that whole thing of people feeling odd and awkward about whatever choices they've made in life whether its about the choice to be fat or the choice to date fat. if either partner lacks confidence its bad. we can't lay it all at the feet of FAs. sometimes BBWs do walk around acting and looking like 2nd and 3rd class citizens and that has an impact on friends family and lovers as well. whats wrong with a guy wanting to take his girl out and meet his friends and be sure that its not going to be some kind of negative and traumatic event for her. sometimes people just want to simply be able to have a nice time and enjoy life and don't want the drama.

in the situation like this there is no blame to be laid anywhere. its just how things work out for people. a BBW who isn't confident has to get hers or go with a guy who doesn't mind. there a re a lot of guys out there who like the idea of rescuing a BBW and helping her to self esteem. but also there is no blame ot be laid at the feet of somebody who decides he can't go in that direction because the reality of it is not for him.


----------



## olwen

Here's the way I see it - it's late so this might not be entirely coherent either...I just have stuff knocking around my brain right now: 

Fat people are told - you are the freak. Fat admirers are told - you are the freak by association. Both need to be able to say - yeah and what of it?

Neither can always do that. I get it. So the questions are how to own the freak flag? How to burn the freak flag? How to bury the freak flag? Who's responsible for the owning/burning/burying? 

I firmly believe it's harder to be the freak than it is the freak by association, cause you can always find a new association, but it's harder to no longer be the original freak in the eyes of others. Even if you don't see yourself as a freak somebody else will, but I guess this last bit applies to both....Neither is beholden to the other. We are all responsible for our own behavior. If an FA ends up with a fat person without enough confidence to the point where it becomes onerous then the logical thing to do is to get rid of the fat person. If a fat person ends up with an FA without enough confidence then the logical thing to do is get rid of the FA. Neither should suffer needlessly....

I just don't like the idea of being responsible for someone else's freak flag. Let em do whatever the hell they want to do with it. Burn it, own it, bury it, hang it on a flag pole, shove it up someone's ass, eat the damn thing. I just don't care. I'm getting sick of this talk about bbws being responsible for an FAs behavior or FAs playing the superhero for bbws. I don't need rescuing. I'm not my lover's mother. Sure one positive experience with either can make a huge difference but so can an negative one and how it gets dealt with is on each individual person. Individually. Whatever happened to personal responsibility?

Obviously we all get the same societal messages....but why is one group being expected to be able to cope with/internalize?/reject those messages better than the other? They're the same damned messages....whichever group is supposed to be the one with better coping skills is open to interpretation isn't it? 

It's unfair that any of us should have to deal with any of this freak business, especially if it's being thrust upon us unwillingly....but we still have to deal. ....In the grand scheme of things....we should just learn whatever it is we're supposed to learn and carry that lesson around with us....I don't even know where I'm going with this at this point....I'm just tired.


----------



## Wild Zero

snows said:


> I'm not going to let some fetish beyond my control direct my life.



But you're posting in an epic dims thread, with a username you registered.

Fetish beyond snows' control-1 
snows-0


----------



## Victim

"I let my friends see me riding mopeds too." - Would make a good T-shirt.


----------



## TraciJo67

Victim said:


> "I let my friends see me riding mopeds too." - Would make a good T-shirt.



... or how about "My Other Girlfriend Is A Plastic Doll"


----------



## wrestlingguy

So, criticism notwithstanding, would a young guy like Snows find any guidance & solace from a FA only board? I ask this because this has become such an important issue because of this thread.

We spend so much of our "relationship lives" trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole that we often become too engrossed to realize that what fits best is often within our grasp. Our failure in seeing that results in FA's staying in the closet, "dating" women who then become f***ed up over being involved with someone like this, and the women who allow it to happen then affect the "true" FA, who then walks away wondering if all fat women have psychological issues because of his limited experiences with the affected women.

I returned to this thread thinking that there might be an update about the future of a FA only board, only to find a young boy, who can't distinguish between a fetish and a preference, causing a furor, simply because he couldn't qualify as a FA, even a closeted one, on his best day. That to me, is testament in itself that so many fat women must go through this on a level that is even far greater than I imagined.


----------



## Tau

Tooz said:


> I'm gonna start my detailed post with you. I'll try to be gentle out of respect for Mergirl, but it's gonna be hard. Dude, you are gonna get sliced open, and probably not by me. A quick scan of your other posts reveals you spend a lot of time commenting on how hot women in the Paysite section are. While this in and of itself might not present a problem, when you couple it with this post, you get problems. Liking fat women isn't cool? Seriously? You say the day will come when you can be open. One can only infer, from reading the rest of your post, that the day you become "open" is the day you join the (in your words) "uncool" army of men who have the balls to be open and proud about liking fat women. That's quite the insult to men who like fatties!
> 
> Other FAs aside, you also deal quite a blow to fat women themselves. We're not cool? Yeah, not all fatties are, but your post indicates we all are. Fuck that. Maybe we don't wanna be seen with you, either. Frankly, I find a lot of FAs are in the closet because they know that, on some level, they'd be getting rejected anyway if they put themselves out there. Also, pro tip: generally people who are "cool" are ones who put LESS effort into it. Otherwise, you're just trying too hard and it shows.
> 
> *GENERAL THREAD RESPONSE.*
> I think adolescent FAs get a by. I wasn't confident in myself as a teen, and I don't think anyone is. I don't think it's fair to hold a teenager to mature standards-- a lot of people from all different walks are in various closets during that time.
> 
> Adults, though? Honestly, if you can't be bothered to be seen with someone who fits your preferences, then you don't date them. This goes for more than just fatty lovers, you know? For me, though, it pisses me off for one giant, simple reason:
> 
> Fat people don't get to hide. We are fat. We go out into the world everyday and face ridicule (some more than others).
> 
> If we can handle it, you tiny-balled bastards can as well. I actually think FAs get less ridicule than actual fat people. You worried your friends will give you shit? THAT IS WHAT FRIENDS DO-- TEASE EACHOTHER. Life is tough! Deal with it-- you are miserable anyway, right? You don't have a fatty to love on, and it makes you sad. *Isn't the payoff of having a great relationship with someone you love physically AND mentally worth a little caught flack? Isn't it?*



*Applauds madly* Adult closeted FA's are cowardly fence sitters - men like that are disgraceful and - not to be old fashioned - have no honor. I want absolutely nothing to do with a guy who will not proclaim my relationship with him from the rooftops.


----------



## LillyBBBW

wrestlingguy said:


> So, criticism notwithstanding, would a young guy like Snows find any guidance & solace from a FA only board? I ask this because this has become such an important issue because of this thread.
> 
> We spend so much of our "relationship lives" trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole that we often become too engrossed to realize that what fits best is often within our grasp. Our failure in seeing that results in FA's staying in the closet, "dating" women who then become f***ed up over being involved with someone like this, and the women who allow it to happen then affect the "true" FA, who then walks away wondering if all fat women have psychological issues because of his limited experiences with the affected women.
> 
> I returned to this thread thinking that there might be an update about the future of a FA only board, only to find a young boy, who can't distinguish between a fetish and a preference, causing a furor, simply because he couldn't qualify as a FA, even a closeted one, on his best day. *That to me, is testament in itself that so many fat women must go through this on a level that is even far greater than I imagined*.



OMG, THANK YOU!!! For this I'm glad snows spoke up. Good luck with that FA board and I'm being sincere here. Snows is actually not that bad. If he's a real FA he *could* actually reform but it won't happen till he's at least in his 30's or 40's. He's got problems that go deep beyond just his sexuality. This isn't the only aspect of his life that he's turned over to the whims of others. Don't coax him out, he's doing us a favor.

He's just a lukewarm appetizer. You guys just have no idea. None.


----------



## LillyBBBW

katorade said:


> I suppose I should say that I'll listen to what he has to say, but won't give any merit to it. I agree that there are definitely women that pull the same crap and let other people dictate what they think of themselves, and I don't agree with that, either. I can empathize with them more, though, because their worries are based on doubts of themselves, and not doubts of who they choose to surround themselves with.
> 
> If a woman never comes around to the idea that a man can love her, then yes, he's probably better off leaving because that frustration is maddening and something he can't fix himself, but when his opinions are sullied by people who have absolutely nothing to do with the relationship? Fuck that.
> 
> There's always going to be people who frown upon who you choose to be with, whether it stems from disapproval or their own jealousy or lack of understanding or just general douchebaggery. I'm just not a fan of my SO letting other people discern MY worth to them. They should be the only people deciding that.



I won't listen to any of that crap at all. I don't have to listen to people insult me and discuss me as if I'm a stain in the carpet that can't be cleaned out. Who do they think they are? Someone taught me, I dunno think it was my mother, that such treatment of people is not cool. I refuse to acknowledge anything like that as respectable behavior or associate with people who do. I don't even hang around people who do it to others, I'm certainly not going to tolerate it directed at me.


----------



## superodalisque

wrestlingguy said:


> So, criticism notwithstanding, would a young guy like Snows find any guidance & solace from a FA only board? I ask this because this has become such an important issue because of this thread.
> 
> We spend so much of our "relationship lives" trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole that we often become too engrossed to realize that what fits best is often within our grasp. Our failure in seeing that results in FA's staying in the closet, "dating" women who then become f***ed up over being involved with someone like this, and the women who allow it to happen then affect the "true" FA, who then walks away wondering if all fat women have psychological issues because of his limited experiences with the affected women.
> 
> I returned to this thread thinking that there might be an update about the future of a FA only board, only to find a young boy, who can't distinguish between a fetish and a preference, causing a furor, simply because he couldn't qualify as a FA, even a closeted one, on his best day. That to me, is testament in itself that so many fat women must go through this on a level that is even far greater than I imagined.



yes, and thats why i think its dangerous for BBWs to date anyone suspect. give them your blessing and send them on thier merry little way before they can spoil you for someone who really loves you. being too quick to take whats offered can really mess you up so much that when the right guy comes along it would be very hard to open up and let him in.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

olwen said:


> I just don't like the idea of being responsible for someone else's freak flag. Let em do whatever the hell they want to do with it. Burn it, own it, bury it, hang it on a flag pole, shove it up someone's ass, eat the damn thing. I just don't care. * I'm getting sick of this talk about bbws being responsible for an FAs behavior or FAs playing the superhero for bbws. I don't need rescuing. I'm not my lover's mother. Sure one positive experience with either can make a huge difference but so can an negative one and how it gets dealt with is on each individual person. Individually. Whatever happened to personal responsibility?*
> *
> Obviously we all get the same societal messages....but why is one group being expected to be able to cope with/internalize?/reject those messages better than the other? They're the same damned messages....whichever group is supposed to be the one with better coping skills is open to interpretation isn't it? *



You just got another Amen from the Fairy choir.....people can say all day long that we should pity people like closet FAs (are we this desperate for dates???? it truly makes me wonder for gawd sakes :doh.....but that's just not true. 



LillyBBBW said:


> I won't listen to any of that crap at all. I don't have to listen to people insult me and discuss me as if I'm a stain in the carpet that can't be cleaned out. Who do they think they are? Someone taught me, I dunno think it was my mother, that such treatment of people is not cool. I refuse to acknowledge anything like that as respectable behavior or associate with people who do. I don't even hang around people who do it to others, I'm certainly not going to tolerate it directed at me.



Werd :bow:


----------



## stan_der_man

wrestlingguy said:


> ...
> I returned to this thread thinking that there might be an update about the future of a FA only board, only to find a young boy, who can't distinguish between a fetish and a preference, causing a furor, simply because he couldn't qualify as a FA, even a closeted one, on his best day.
> ...



In the past I'd always been told that all of Dimensions is for male FAs... Why do we need a FA only board...?


----------



## Haunted

fa_man_stan said:


> In the past I'd always been told that all of Dimensions is for male FAs... Why do we need a FA only board...?



Whoa wait does that mean we control the Boards ! an all this time i thought it was the Womenfolk


----------



## kayrae

I wish I could put this in neon blinking lights. Story of my life.



superodalisque said:


> yes, and thats why i think its dangerous for BBWs to date anyone suspect. give them your blessing and send them on thier merry little way before they can spoil you for someone who really loves you. *being too quick to take whats offered can really mess you up so much that when the right guy comes along it would be very hard to open up and let him in*.


----------



## snows

katorade said:


> The relationship that the sentences in red have with the sentences in blue is what we like to call "hypocrisy".
> 
> Also, have fun letting other people live your life for you.



Look all I'm saying is that social pressure is a real and significant force and no matter how much you disparage it, you are still affected by it. I'm not saying that I would necessarily follow that peer pressure, only that I feel the effects of it. I have the least respect for anybody that only does things in strictly order to win the accolades of others. I can't however entirely disconnect my own self esteem and image from how others view me, and I don't know if that's possible or even really if that's a strictly positive thing.

But I also reject that I should just follow my sex drive wherever it would lead me. It's not like it's any less pejorative for me to be motivated by sex then it is for me to be motivated by social pressure. I just see all these posts telling people that they should be themselves and follow their sexual desires, but I don't think those desires are necessarily anymore valid then anything else. 

What motivated my post was just this whole feeling of the thread to completely reject social mores and pressure for something that is just as ephemeral or substantive, I thought. 

I'm not infallible, so I know there will be cases when I will be swayed by society or by pure attraction, claiming otherwise is a bit arrogant and naive. I mean at this point in my life I don't even know truly what I want out of a relationship.

It was definitely not my intention to offend or hurt anybody, its just my experience. My apologies too if I have said some insensitive things or been too blunt, I can only really come at it from my perspective of the situation.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

MisticalMisty said:


> I was having a conversation with someone through pm and this came up **Posted with permission**
> 
> Honestly, I can understand for women who have been hurt by closeted FAs that it can be very emotional to hear things that sound even close to closeted talk. I also know as a woman that there ARE men who use and abuse. But to be truthful, these FA threads always hurt me as an FA. I know that many of the very same women who are being so hard on the men would say "but FFAs are different" but the problem is, for a lot of the fear, confusion and history of coming to terms with being FAs, we're actually very much the same. It makes you start to feel bad because I do get where some of the men are coming from and to me there is a huge and obvious difference between the confused and the closeted. *And I spent a long time amongst the confused, and it was a difficult journey at times and while I don't expect pity, I think some understanding for the confusion would be nice for the FAs to receive and not have to fight for. I know it's not the same as facing fat phobia as a fat person, but it isn't the easiest road either and to be told that expressing anything but immediate out and loud proud FA behavior or you're a jerk or a coward can feel a little painful.*
> 
> The emphasis is mine. THIS is why these threads are harmful and THIS is why the separate forum would serve such a great purpose.



I would love to rep you for posting this. Unfortunately, I must spread the rep.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

superodalisque said:


> i think it would be a great idea for FAs to have their own private forum. they have thier own issues that it would be unrealistic for other people to understand or relate to no matter how close they feel they are to the issue. somehow it takes the punch out of what an experienced FA might have to lend to a conversation because his opinion might get lost amongst the chatter. i think it would also end this thing where people who are not FAs rush in to take a part that might not be thiers. there are a lot of times i have noticed that people who are not FAs have taken offense to different things that have been said on the forums that even FAs don't have an issue with. it might make them feel sad or hurt that people might feel that way but often they get it and are capable of responding appropriately on thier own. i imagine it would also be frustrating to have your answer to such a response being taken over by someone,who though well meaning, only knows part of the story. i find in talking with people on a one to one basis that most FAs are not as touchy as other folks are when having an honest and respectful discussion. so instead of having an issue taken over by people who are not FAs and thereby cutting down their means of communication it would be a good idea to have a place where they can speak for themselves. i think that it would be especially helpful to the FAs who are trying to make sense of things to talk to and with people who have been through it and know the ropes. its hard for them to get that when its been shown over and over again on the forums that there isn't the restraint needed that would allow them to be able to talk about an issue uninterrupted. too bad i wouldn't be able to read what it said. i bet i would learn a lot that i can't in here.



I am really glad you said this. You have touched on some of the things I have been saying for the past week.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover

LillyBBBW said:


> Welcome to the bipolar express ladies and gentlemen. It was laughter one minute, then I threw up in my mouth a little, then it was giggling again, then I was paranoid, then I was hungry.... Now I'm laughing again.



LillyBBBW, I like your line about the bipolar express. I wish I could rep you, but I have to spread rep around before I can give it to you again.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover

superodalisque said:


> i know people don't want to hear what you have to say because it might rub some people the wrong way. i thank you for saying it because its a truth. these are the things a lot of my friends who are FAs tell me in private. and a lot of BBWs don't want to believe and hear that the penis isn't the thing that drives a man entirely. if they stop believing that they don't have the excuse to stop working on themselves and depend totally on a fetishistic relationship where its enough just to be fat.
> 
> also they don't want to hear that a huge part of a man's happiness comes down to feeling proud. thats a part of his identity as a guy. part of that is being proud of who he is with. having a fat woman by his side who refuses to aknowledge that doesn't help either. its not because he is necessarily ashamed of her but its because she is ashamed of herself. everyone can smell it on her, even her friends. so an FA even has to live with the pity of people he shouldn't and doesn't have to. if he were with a proud self possessed BBW who wasn't afraid of being in the world, didn't hide away in the community and could go out and conquer his thin friends with her fat attraction magnetism optimism and charm it might make a difference. and as you say the lack of this ability is rampant in the thin world too. the difference is its harder to hide and blend in when you are a BBW. people's eyes don;t just slide over you to the next cookie cut out. so when you have a lack of confidence its a BIG lack of confidence.
> 
> all of this reflects on a guy. BBWs who are really confident have no trouble living in the real world. people don't want to talk about it but there is a BBW closet too. its the women who refuse to live outside the community and keep their heads in the sand. they form their entire life based on being a fetish. they create and live in a completely fat universe because they are always afraid and embarrassed about who they are. they have excuses not to take care of themselves to the level that other women do etc...i think the next move for SA is to encourage women to stop hiding and to learn how to manage living in the world with the rest of the population, and not in an adversarial way. but unfortunately some BBWs are all too happy to accept the title of freak outsider and desperate. then some of them refuse to acknowledge the impact this has on FAs. so when a guy doesn't want to deal with someone he feels is bringing him down he is in the closet. its funny but i have seen some of the same accused FAs in happy relationships with BBWs who don't need to be propped up at every turn. when we are asking a man to stand up and be a man , we need to also make sure we are standing up and being women. cowardess doesn't look good on a woman either.



Thanks for these great points!


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## Jon Blaze

snows said:


> Look all I'm saying is that social pressure is a real and significant force and no matter how much you disparage it, you are still affected by it. I'm not saying that I would necessarily follow that peer pressure, only that I feel the effects of it. I have the least respect for anybody that only does things in strictly order to win the accolades of others. I can't however entirely disconnect my own self esteem and image from how others view me, and I don't know if that's possible or even really if that's a strictly positive thing.
> 
> But I also reject that I should just follow my sex drive wherever it would lead me. It's not like it's any less pejorative for me to be motivated by sex then it is for me to be motivated by social pressure. I just see all these posts telling people that they should be themselves and follow their sexual desires, but I don't think those desires are necessarily anymore valid then anything else.
> 
> What motivated my post was just this whole feeling of the thread to completely reject social mores and pressure for something that is just as ephemeral or substantive, I thought.
> 
> I'm not infallible, so I know there will be cases when I will be swayed by society or by pure attraction, claiming otherwise is a bit arrogant and naive. I mean at this point in my life I don't even know truly what I want out of a relationship.
> 
> It was definitely not my intention to offend or hurt anybody, its just my experience. My apologies too if I have said some insensitive things or been too blunt, I can only really come at it from my perspective of the situation.




No one's saying that societal pressure isn't a driving force. The point is how much that pressure drives you. It has little to no effect on some people. If you're so deeply tied to this that you think it's fetishistic, and societal pressure goes so deep that you have messages in your head while your dating someone saying that you can do better, than you shouldn't even think about such a thing.

I'd rather follow my penis than be pressured by society into hiding someone/something I'm having sexual relations/thoughts with because I'm scared of the consequences. Relationships are much more complex than sexual attraction cues too (At least for me anyway), so I don't quite think this is "Following my penis." 

Regardless of this thread subject at all: If society influences all that we do, is it any way a good thing for that to influence one's actions more than their personal desires? I'm voting no, and not because I think it's hip to be a rebel. I personally think life is much easier when I guide my decisions more than the world around me. It may not always be strongly in favor of my personal desires, nor does it always go the way I would like it to, but most of the time I just deal.


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## sully57

Jon Blaze said:


> No one's saying that societal pressure isn't a driving force. The point is how much that pressure drives you. It has little to no effect on some people. If you're so deeply tied to this that you think it's fetishistic, and societal pressure goes so deep that you have messages in your head while your dating someone saying that you can do better, than you shouldn't even think about such a thing.
> 
> I'd rather follow my penis than be pressured by society into hiding someone/something I'm having sexual relations/thoughts with because I'm scared of the consequences. Relationships are much more complex than sexual attraction cues too (At least for me anyway), so I don't quite think this is "Following my penis."
> 
> Regardless of this thread subject at all: If society influences all that we do, is it any way a good thing for that to influence one's actions more than their personal desires? I'm voting no, and not because I think it's hip to be a rebel. I personally think life is much easier when I guide my decisions more than the world around me. It may not always be strongly in favor of my personal desires, nor does it always go the way I would like it to, but most of the time I just deal.


This man talks a hell of a lot of sense. 

But lets not confuse 'society' with the commercial aims of the mass media. Society's influence is shaped by very non-personal interests. The bombardment, through advertising (both open and hidden) by companies who's entire existence relies on you and I either hating how mundane and 'worthless' our lives are or being terrified, is what shapes our society's point of view. And this constant visual and audio assualt leaves society/us wanting this vision of life they see on TV, magazines, Film, billboards etc. Why do we? Because deep inside we all have (at least a little bit) this survival instict that screams at us not to stand out, not to be different, to fit in... to be the same as every other bugger. 

But we get fed a stream of information that leads us to believe that a tiny number of people on TV are the norm that we must strive to attain, that's just poor intel. So when your penis, and heart, say you want, nay NEED that fat girl, your head may revolt, because it's been trained to.

The most liberal, open minded, least judgemental people I know have something in common, whatever side of the world they live on. They watch very little, if any, TV. And you'll never find a glossy magazine in thier house. They are too busy living their lives to give a flying fuck what someone trying to sell them eye liner, or aftershave balm, says they should like. By going out with a fat girl (thin girl, short girl, tall girl, ANY girl) your not rebeling against society, your simply engaging in it.

Sorry, I think I may have just ranted.


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## elle camino

snows said:


> What motivated my post was just this whole feeling of the thread to completely reject social mores and pressure for something that is just as ephemeral or substantive, I thought.



dude, you don't write like a moron, so why are you thinking like one? for real. 
maybe you've painted yourself into a social corner where everyone you know, whose opinions you value, would absolutely shit bricks if they saw you squiring some fatty about town. i'll set aside my disbelief about that (you're very likely giving them much less credit than they deserve as non-assholes) and assume it's totally the case. 
but you HAVE to have realized that many MANY not-fat people successfully and happily date fat people, with no guff whatsoever from their friends, co-workers, whatever. it's just the truth. it is absolutely possible to choose not to be friends with the kind of jerk who'd like you less based on the size of your girlfriend. you're acting like you were born with some unchangeable list of friends you're destined to associate with for the rest of your life. that's ridiculous. 'social mores and pressure' do not have to include 'don't you dare date a fat chick'. they may for you right now, but that's due to your own shitty decisionmaking when it comes to choosing friends. 

and really, until you sort this crap out and grow up about it: hands off fat girls. no exceptions.


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## mergirl

Gah! tried to rep you there and couldnt.. there should be a law against that!


----------



## katorade

snows said:


> Look all I'm saying is that social pressure is a real and significant force and no matter how much you disparage it, you are still affected by it. I'm not saying that I would necessarily follow that peer pressure, only that I feel the effects of it. I have the least respect for anybody that only does things in strictly order to win the accolades of others. I can't however entirely disconnect my own self esteem and image from how others view me, and I don't know if that's possible or even really if that's a strictly positive thing.
> 
> But I also reject that I should just follow my sex drive wherever it would lead me. It's not like it's any less pejorative for me to be motivated by sex then it is for me to be motivated by social pressure. I just see all these posts telling people that they should be themselves and follow their sexual desires, but I don't think those desires are necessarily anymore valid then anything else.
> 
> What motivated my post was just this whole feeling of the thread to completely reject social mores and pressure for something that is just as ephemeral or substantive, I thought.
> 
> I'm not infallible, so I know there will be cases when I will be swayed by society or by pure attraction, claiming otherwise is a bit arrogant and naive. I mean at this point in my life I don't even know truly what I want out of a relationship.
> 
> It was definitely not my intention to offend or hurt anybody, its just my experience. My apologies too if I have said some insensitive things or been too blunt, I can only really come at it from my perspective of the situation.



See, I can see this was written by a strong, smart individual. It doesn't even SOUND like the same person. I'm not saying you should put all social pressure aside and let your penis do the talking. Lord knows what would happen if that were it, the world's pedophiles would be ecstatic. 

I'm just trying to say that there's a happy medium and there is a WORLD of people out there that don't give an ever-loving shit about who you date. I won't say "nobody" because there's always some ass out there to fuck it up and make people second guess themselves to begin with, but honestly, when you have relationships with people that are confident and mature and trustworthy, they will not judge based on something as puerile as whether or not your significant other fits their idea of beauty. Their concern will be whether or not that person makes you HAPPY. That's it. 

I highly suggest that you attempt to fill your life with those people as much as possible. You don't even have to "trade in" your friends. There's no way to be completely rid of negative influences, but at least give yourself the support of a positive backbone that freely lets you think for yourself and BE yourself.


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## olwen

snows said:


> Look all I'm saying is that social pressure is a real and significant force and no matter how much you disparage it, you are still affected by it. I'm not saying that I would necessarily follow that peer pressure, only that I feel the effects of it. I have the least respect for anybody that only does things in strictly order to win the accolades of others. I can't however entirely disconnect my own self esteem and image from how others view me, and I don't know if that's possible or even really if that's a strictly positive thing.
> 
> But I also reject that I should just follow my sex drive wherever it would lead me. It's not like it's any less pejorative for me to be motivated by sex then it is for me to be motivated by social pressure. I just see all these posts telling people that they should be themselves and follow their sexual desires, but I don't think those desires are necessarily anymore valid then anything else.
> 
> What motivated my post was just this whole feeling of the thread to completely reject social mores and pressure for something that is just as ephemeral or substantive, I thought.
> 
> I'm not infallible, so I know there will be cases when I will be swayed by society or by pure attraction, claiming otherwise is a bit arrogant and naive. I mean at this point in my life I don't even know truly what I want out of a relationship.
> 
> It was definitely not my intention to offend or hurt anybody, its just my experience. My apologies too if I have said some insensitive things or been too blunt, I can only really come at it from my perspective of the situation.



Of course we are all under some kind of social pressure. The key is in deciding how much you let it affect you. You DO have control over that because in the end that is YOUR choice to make. It's not about rejecting all of society outright, it's about rejecting the things that clearly don't work and don't make any sense. That's how society progresses and it won't progress if we don't question things.

That you don't know what you want is probably the most important thing to get a handle on. Figure it out. But please don't pass the responsibility of the choices you make onto other people or society at large. If you don't think your inner desires are valid then you must not think your voice counts. If so, then you're letting other people speak for you, then what do you do when they don't say what you feel? You flounder in a sea of confusion wondering why nobody understands you.


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## Green Eyed Fairy

snows said:


> Look all I'm saying is that* social pressure is a real and significant force and no matter how much you disparage it, you are still affected by it. *I'm not saying that I would necessarily follow that peer pressure, only that I feel the effects of it. I have the least respect for anybody that only does things in strictly order to win the accolades of others. *I can't however entirely disconnect my own self esteem and image from how others view me, and I don't know if that's possible or even really if that's a strictly positive thing.*
> 
> But I also reject that I should just follow my sex drive wherever it would lead me. I*t's not like it's any less pejorative for me to be motivated by sex then it is for me to be motivated by social pressure.* I just see all these posts telling people that they should be themselves and follow their sexual desires, but I don't think those desires are necessarily anymore valid then anything else.
> 
> What motivated my post was just this whole feeling of the thread to completely reject social mores and pressure for something that is just as ephemeral or substantive, I thought.
> 
> I'm not infallible, *so I know there will be cases when I will be swayed by society* or by pure attraction, *claiming otherwise is a bit arrogant and naive. *I mean at this point in my life I don't even know truly what I want out of a relationship.
> 
> It was definitely not my intention to offend or hurt anybody, its just my experience. My apologies too if I have said some insensitive things or been too blunt, I can only really come at it from my perspective of the situation.



I don't get this.........you said you felt pressured or whatever and even went so far as to add that the fatty you were with wasn't confident enough for you to overcome your gripping, intense fear of what others MIGHT think of you. 

So tell me.......isn't everything you wrote up above.........the same for the fat women? Aren't we under...INTENSE PRESSURE to be thin? Aren't we TOLD EACH AND EVERY DAY that we are not worth anything, by someone, somewhere, simply because of our weight? Hmmmm, aren't us fat women (and men) JUDGED by our appearances by a lot of people....as in anything else good/positive we do is automatically negated as nothing in comparison to the number on the scale by some people? You do realize this about fat people, right? That's what life is for us when we come across some people in this world............and yet.....some of us remain fat.

Wow....we are fat in that kind of pressure and judgment. And you desire some of us........and we're supposed to "understand" that your desire is a great big pain in the ass for ya. Yeah....you got me feeling really bad right now...but not for you. Go figure, eh? 

Going by YOUR very own standards of what is "acceptable" to believe/think/do.....why should any woman want to be fat? Why should any woman remain fat? Shouldn't we all just work 2-3 jobs to save up for Weight Loss Surgery and liposuction? Shouldn't we all quit eating? Hell, being fat just ain't sexy out in the real world, now is it. And you aren't up to saying otherwise. Why have fat women in the world? Even the guys like you that say you desire them....echo the same sentiments that we are wrong/incorrect/damaged/problematic/ugly/stupid/worthless out in the world. Actually...closet FAs say much worse. Closet FAs say, with their actions, that our feelings mean nothing, that we are here for their use and that we should be willing to "settle" for less than you would give others. 

I mean....after all...YOU said that your very own desires really aren't all that important. So why should your desires be important to a fat woman? Why should any fat women want a guy like you to look at them? For what? Your "admiration"? 

So tell me.......why are you here? Looking for the elusive confident BBW? The one that's supposed to prop you up? Are you enjoying the many pics of the beautiful BBWs here? 

Your sex drive and desires.....that not important stuff....why are you here if you're not looking at the wimminz? If you honestly believe that the put downs and scorn of others is more to your liking....why are you here? And why do you seem to care if a bunch of fat women can't stand the idea of a guy like you? You're better than us, aren't you? You easily "fit right in"....and why jeopardize your honorable status in the world.......for people you might want....but aren't willing to settle for the crumbs you might toss.


----------



## Blackjack

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I don't get this.........*snip*



This, I think, is the reason why people are suggesting an FA board. Inevitably there will be a debate about who has it worse, FAs or BBWs, which, although worthy of discussion, is an issue that's rather beside the point in this kind of situation, and might even be rather counterproductive. It's not going to help someone build confidence if they're told that their issues and experiences are _less than_ someone else's- in fact, I should think that this will likely work to force someone further into a shell rahter than give them any impetus or inspiration to leave. I mean, if someone asks for help and gets this sort of tearing-down, then why the hell would they want to interact with that particular community anymore?

Now, snows wasn't exaclty asking for help, just giving his viewpoint, but I don't think that his own issues should be belittled, because they are obviously quite massive to him. This isn't to say at all that I defend his words or agree with his actions; I think that he's still figuring himself out, and that he's choosing a lousy way to go about it, putting too much into "fitting in" with friends and society to build up significant confidence of his own, and looking at things in black and white extremes (i.e., society vs. sex drive). He's got problems, that's for damn sure, and I think that he realizes it, but they're not going to be solved by shouting him down with anyone else's problems.

Elle, Jon, Kato, Olwen and others did it right- properly berating him for his choices, but giving helpful advice nonetheless.

I do, however, think that everyone can agree on the idea that he should figure himself out before going into any sort of relationship again with a fat chick.

ETA: It's almost 2 a.m., so this post probably isn't as clear as it should've been... but I hope you get what I'm getting at.


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## mossystate

Blackjack said:


> *This, I think, is the reason why people are suggesting an FA board. * Inevitably there will be a debate about who has it worse, FAs or BBWs, which, although worthy of discussion, is an issue that's rather beside the point in this kind of situation, and might even be rather counterproductive. *It's not going to help someone build confidence if they're told that their issues and experiences are less than someone else's- *....



This is what I don't get. I don't get why I see so many talk about how counterproductive it is for fat admirers and fat women to talk about who has it worse, and yet, I don't see those same people call for both an FA board AND a BBW board. By not wanting to see an equality in how people are heard and how they have a chance to express themselves, free from ' the usual ' interruptions, you are, indeed, implying that FA's have it worse. 

I am not even saying that you are against a BBW board ( just kind of using your post as a springboard )...but I think it is most important for those who want one...to call for the other. There is another thread on the Main board, asking if there is a BBW closet. I see a few people pretty much want to tell fat women to just grab a lil self esteem...presto chango...while they feel so much more deeply for the FA's experience, like it has so many laaaaayers, whereas women need to look within and realize nobody else is gonna do it for them. 

There was a man in chat... in PM...who actually said that there already IS a BBW board.................the Paysite board. He was not kidding. I think there is so MUCH woman all over this place that many think women are already being best served and are Queens of the roost. While ' you ' don't want a pissing match of who has it worse...fat women are just as likely to be dismissed out here......and, no, compliments about bodies is not supporting and listening.

Both...or...neither.

Now, there is some Alka Seltzer cold with my name on it.


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## stan_der_man

mossystate said:


> This is what I don't get. I don't get why I see so many talk about how counterproductive it is for fat admirers and fat women to talk about who has it worse, and yet, I don't see those same people call for both an FA board AND a BBW board. By not wanting to see an equality in how people are heard and how they have a chance to express themselves, free from ' the usual ' interruptions, you are, indeed, implying that FA's have it worse.
> ...



Just to start with Mossy, I completely agree with you that if there is a FA Board, it is perfectly reasonable that there should also be a BBW Board of equal parameters. But as experience has taught us, the mere rank and file of Dimensions is at the mercy of the powers that be on such decisions. Dims ain't a democracy and more than likely never will be. I also agree with you that any and all discussions should be fair game for those who wish to debate, including the topic of "who has it worse"... FAs or BBWs. But from my experience (and the experience of many others who have been here for a while, as I'm sure you are also well aware of Mossy...) this debate of "who has it worse" always seems to spiral down into a tit-for-tat name calling session. You and I have participated in many such past debates. In my opinion it all boils down to this... Fat people don't truly know what it is like to be a thin FA, and thin FAs don't truly know what it is like to be a fat person, so assumptions and conjecture are used to fill in the gaps and then it just goes down hill from there. It's happened over and over again and in that regard this debate is "counterproductive" in many ways. I don't know... maybe if we keep debating this same thing over and over we'll someday reach a breakthrough that answers this question once and for all. That certainly would make for a productive debate, but honestly I don't see that happening at this point. Conceivably, if we do have a FA Board and a BBW Board it could create an opportunity for the opposing sides to observe conversations from each other and better understand each other.... Then perhaps we could re-enter this debate without the assumptions and conjecture that we always seem to start throwing at each other.


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## mossystate

Stan, I think you have a personal axe to grind...to a degree...so I am not going to get too involved with whether or not Dims is a democracy...or not...or should be. I realize this place was started as an FA paradise...or hoped to be that. Even you had argued that, when you first started asking for an FA board....so, we have different reasons for why we are responding here. I just know that women are here in more of a capacity that just eye candy...and many are not here to be that.

Eh, and as for the whole who has it worse...I think those who cannot easily hide ( and choosing to not hide is different ) who and what they are...will always have it worse. Saying that does not mean others do not have real struggles. There is a thing as worse, and to move that idea around like deck chairs, to water down experiences...is silly. It's ok to see what is in front of us. An FA is not going to have it as hard as I might and sometimes do...but he should be heard...just not while putting me on hold, or saying separate but equal is the order of the day.


----------



## butch

I'm going to be a bit of a smart ass, and ask, why can't we have a forum just for the fat (F)FAs? 

But seriously, those of us who are fat (like real fat) and FAs (like can't think straight when a hot fattie is in my vicinity) can understand, to some degree, the thin (F)FA experience. I haven't always been out and proud as a fat person, or a FFA, and in the past found it was easier to talk to friends and such about my queerness than it was to talk about my FFA-ness. Make of that what you will, but it does allow me to have more empathy for what the thinner (F)FAs go through, because I've partially traveled that path myself.


----------



## Blackjack

mossystate said:


> This is what I don't get. I don't get why I see so many talk about how counterproductive it is for fat admirers and fat women to talk about who has it worse, and yet, I don't see those same people call for both an FA board AND a BBW board. By not wanting to see an equality in how people are heard and how they have a chance to express themselves, free from ' the usual ' interruptions, *you are, indeed, implying that FA's have it worse.*



I'm not. In fact, I think that BBW's have it worse in society, without a doubt. I don't think, though, that repeating that will help anyone who's working on building their own confidence or who needs a push to get there.

Like I said, I don't think that it's not a worthy discussion to have in and of itself, but I also don't see how it's very helpful when the topic at hand is someone who's struggling with figuring themselves out. The discussion there shouldn't be who has it worse. Someone doesn't get over their fears or failings by being told that someone else's problems are worse than their own. That doesn't make their problems any easier to deal with.



> I am not even saying that you are against a BBW board ( just kind of using your post as a springboard )...but I think it is most important for those who want one...to call for the other. There is another thread on the Main board, asking if there is a BBW closet. *I see a few people pretty much want to tell fat women to just grab a lil self esteem...presto chango...*while they feel so much more deeply for the FA's experience, like it has so many laaaaayers, *whereas women need to look within and realize nobody else is gonna do it for them. *



Which is an oversimplified concept of it all, and a view that is utterly absurd.



> There was a man in chat... in PM...who actually said that there already IS a BBW board.................the Paysite board. He was not kidding.



If that guy's reading I'd like him to know









> I think there is so MUCH woman all over this place that many think women are already being best served and are Queens of the roost. While ' you ' don't want a pissing match of who has it worse...fat women are just as likely to be dismissed out here......and, no, compliments about bodies is not supporting and listening.



I agree with pretty much everything you say here.


All said, I'm not sure that I support a board completely separate and private; I do think that there ought to be a place where if someone- an FA or a BBW- comes in with a problem, they get advice and help rather than the brutal lashings of "suck it up, I have it worse".


----------



## stan_der_man

mossystate said:


> ...
> I realize this place was started as an FA paradise...or hoped to be that. Even you had argued that, when you first started asking for an FA board....so, we have different reasons for why we are responding here. *I just know that women are here in more of a capacity that just eye candy...and many are not here to be that.*
> ...



... as are many of the men here for more than just the eye candy.



mossystate said:


> ...
> *Eh, and as for the whole who has it worse...I think those who cannot easily hide ( and choosing to not hide is different ) who and what they are*...will always have it worse. Saying that does not mean others do not have real struggles. There is a thing as worse, and to move that idea around like deck chairs, to water down experiences...is silly. *It's ok to see what is in front of us. An FA is not going to have it as hard as I might and sometimes do...*but he should be heard...
> ...



You may very well be right Mossy, but this is exactly what I am talking about where dialog is engaged upon based on the assumption of knowledge of what it is like to be a thin FA. For example, as you stated... A fat person can't easily hide as a thin FA can hide their preference. But a fat person is usually "forced out of the closet" by the obvious whereas a thin FA isn't, thus the thin FA often times has to do much more soul searching because of that. Also, a thin FA "chooses" their preference where being fat is what a person is for whatever reason. There can be quite a harsh critique of a person because of that they "choose" to be as opposed to what they "happen" to be. I stopped dating for years... YEARS... because I wasn't comfortable with myself as a FA because of how I felt about myself, of what people said to me and how the fat women I dated reacted to me being a FA. Was how I felt and the way I was treated as harsh as a fat person may have been treated? Probably not I grant you that. I'm not trying to discount your life's experience Mossy, but I really get tired of hearing how much BBWs know about male FAs and how little male FAs know about BBWs, as I'm sure many of the other male FAs feel this way also. Maybe I'm misunderstanding you on this point Mossy or being overly sensitive, but that's really the impression I keep getting from you and many of the other BBWS.




butch said:


> I'm going to be a bit of a smart ass, and ask, why can't we have a forum just for the fat (F)FAs?
> 
> But seriously, those of us who are fat (like real fat) and FAs (like can't think straight when a hot fattie is in my vicinity) can understand, to some degree, the thin (F)FA experience. I haven't always been out and proud as a fat person, or a FFA, and in the past found it was easier to talk to friends and such about my queerness than it was to talk about my FFA-ness. Make of that what you will, but it does allow me to have more empathy for what the thinner (F)FAs go through, because I've partially traveled that path myself.



As do my life experiences (and those of other FAs or whoever...) allow me to have a certain amount of knowledge and empathy towards the experiences of BBWs, gays, other ethnic groups etc... I think saying that one group or another is in a better position to understand another group's situation is presumptuous at best. There have been many more retorts of "you don't know what it's like to be a fat person" directed at a thin FA than there have been "you don't know what it's like to be a thin FA" towards a fat person (although now that's exactly what I'm doing... I'll admit guilt to that...)

And in some ways Butch I do agree with you, if I'm understanding your smart-assery correctly...  How far do we break down this community into specific sub-groups? Do we really need a FA Board? Do we really need the existing BHM/ female FA board? That is a valid question.




mossystate said:


> Stan, I think you have a personal axe to grind...to a degree...



It is not axes that I grind... It is against windmills for which I do battle señora! :bow:


----------



## katorade

Blackjack said:


> All said, I'm not sure that I support a board completely separate and private; I do think that there ought to be a place where if someone- an FA or a BBW- comes in with a problem, they get advice and help rather than the brutal lashings of "suck it up, I have it worse".




I don't know. I actually think some people on here need to be told to suck it up and that they could have it much, much worse. They might come here for support, but it's nobody's job to coddle them.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm saying my problems are worse than anyone's, but I'll use myself as an example. Not only am I fat, but I also recently developed some leg issues that have left me handicapped and walking with a severe limp, when I can even walk at all. I have to go out every day and walk to the bus, then stand at work and have people constantly ask me what happened or what's wrong or if I'm getting help like it's any of their business. It takes me extra time to get on and off the bus and I have to apologize for holding everyone up. It's humiliating, frankly, and I'm actually going to go buy a cane because not only will it help, but then at least it gives some people validity for my odd hobble.

You know what's worse than that constant humiliation and exposure, though? The excrutiating fucking pain and fear that I might fully lose the ability to walk. So sorry if I can't exactly extend any "you poor baby"s to people on here that just aren't sure about themselves and find it to be so freaking huge of a problem. It isn't. It's a tiny, TINY, drop in the bucket. Maybe not to them, but in the grand scheme of things, yeah, it fucking is.


----------



## katorade

fa_man_stan said:


> How far do we break down this community into specific sub-groups? Do we really need a FA Board? Do we really need the existing BHM/ female FA board? That is a valid question.



I personally think it's the worst idea I've heard in a long time. Even if they get gently persuaded out by other male FAs and feel comfortable in that little nest, they're going to have to face the rest of us some time, and are going to be in for a rude awakening when reality dumps its shit on them. It isn't fair to cajole someone into a lifestyle with promises of greatness and have them come out the other end to experience...well...this thread.

I mean c'mon...a support group for men that like fat women that doesn't actually INCLUDE talking to or confronting any fat women? That doesn't sound stupid to anyone else? Really?


----------



## Victim

I'm a fat FA and get the "I know you're fat too, but you can do better than that" attitude from people. This sometimes gets substituted with "You're not THAT fat."

There are times I wish I was fatter because the latter instance really hurts, being told that the woman you love is something less than human, but you can be 'saved'.

The only thing that needs saving is the world. From ignorance.


----------



## stan_der_man

katorade said:


> ...
> You know what's worse than that constant humiliation and exposure, though? The excrutiating fucking pain and fear that I might fully lose the ability to walk. So sorry if I can't exactly extend any "you poor baby"s to people on here that just aren't sure about themselves and find it to be so freaking huge of a problem. It isn't. It's a tiny, TINY, drop in the bucket. Maybe not to them, but in the grand scheme of things, yeah, it fucking is.



First to address this statement... If you attempt to compare the purpose of a potential exclusively themed BBW Board with a potential FA Board of the like, the FA Board will fall short because in many ways, FAs don't necessarily need the type of support group that is "well being" related (i.e. health related or that type of support...) I think the main purpose of such a FA board would potentially be more of a place where a good example could be set for FA attitudes, behaviour and in some ways pride. Typically we hear over and over again what schleps the FAs are perhaps this could be a place to set an example otherwise? It would be an experiment but what is there to loose?



katorade said:


> I personally think it's the worst idea I've heard in a long time. Even if they get gently persuaded out by other male FAs and feel comfortable in that little nest, they're going to have to face the rest of us some time, and are going to be in for a rude awakening when reality dumps its shit on them. It isn't fair to cajole someone into a lifestyle with promises of greatness and have them come out the other end to experience...well...this thread.
> 
> I mean c'mon...a support group for men that like fat women that doesn't actually INCLUDE talking to or confronting any fat women? That doesn't sound stupid to anyone else? Really?



Again, a potential FA Board doesn't necessarily have to be a "support group" per se, although that can be part of it... Such a board could potentially set an example of good values a FA might want to develop or be a place where FAs can better understand the fat people they admire. And yes... these types of discussions can happen anywhere in Dimensions and they in fact have in the past, but with all the traffic the boards now have, these sort of discussions quickly vanish into the ether and these exact same discussions (just like this thread) are hashed out over and over again. A FA board could be an identifiable place where such FA related discussions could easily be located. If the BBWs of this world think there are plenty of good quality FAs out there and are content with the situation we presently have (and have had for a very long time...) than the potential benefits of such a board don't exist.


----------



## Paquito

fa_man_stan said:


> Again, a potential FA Board doesn't necessarily have to be a "support group" per se, although that can be part of it... Such a board could potentially set an example of good values a FA might want to develop or be a place where FAs can better understand the fat people they admire.



That's why I suggested a Newcomer board instead, so that both new (F)FAs and fat people with alot of self esteem issues can transition into the main boards with the encouragement and knowledge of the rest of us.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

sully57 said:


> This man talks a hell of a lot of sense.
> 
> But lets not confuse 'society' with the commercial aims of the mass media. Society's influence is shaped by very non-personal interests. The bombardment, through advertising (both open and hidden) by companies who's entire existence relies on you and I either hating how mundane and 'worthless' our lives are or being terrified, is what shapes our society's point of view. And this constant visual and audio assualt leaves society/us wanting this vision of life they see on TV, magazines, Film, billboards etc. Why do we? Because deep inside we all have (at least a little bit) this survival instict that screams at us not to stand out, not to be different, to fit in... to be the same as every other bugger.
> 
> But we get fed a stream of information that leads us to believe that a tiny number of people on TV are the norm that we must strive to attain, that's just poor intel. So when your penis, and heart, say you want, nay NEED that fat girl, your head may revolt, because it's been trained to.
> 
> The most liberal, open minded, least judgemental people I know have something in common, whatever side of the world they live on. They watch very little, if any, TV. And you'll never find a glossy magazine in thier house. They are too busy living their lives to give a flying fuck what someone trying to sell them eye liner, or aftershave balm, says they should like. By going out with a fat girl (thin girl, short girl, tall girl, ANY girl) your not rebeling against society, your simply engaging in it.
> 
> Sorry, I think I may have just ranted.



Jon, I strongly agree with your final paragraph. I don't watch much TV and I don't get to see all the horrible commercials about weight loss. Seeing these commercials day in and day out will definitely convince you that your body is ugly and you can't have a life until you lose weight. At the same time, the guys think there is something wrong with them because they like women whom the majority of society says is undesireable.

I'm not going to defend Snows, but I do think it is sad that people feel they are under so much pressure to choose mainstream partners. I am so happy because I don't worry about what the TV says or what my parents say. I enjoy dating and chasing BBWs. At the same time, I feel no need to proclaim my FA status from the rooftops because I am happy with myself. I don't need validation from the rest of the world.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover

Blackjack said:


> This, I think, is the reason why people are suggesting an FA board. Inevitably there will be a debate about who has it worse, FAs or BBWs, which, although worthy of discussion, is an issue that's rather beside the point in this kind of situation, and might even be rather counterproductive. It's not going to help someone build confidence if they're told that their issues and experiences are _less than_ someone else's- in fact, I should think that this will likely work to force someone further into a shell rahter than give them any impetus or inspiration to leave. I mean, if someone asks for help and gets this sort of tearing-down, then why the hell would they want to interact with that particular community anymore?
> 
> Now, snows wasn't exaclty asking for help, just giving his viewpoint, but I don't think that his own issues should be belittled, because they are obviously quite massive to him. This isn't to say at all that I defend his words or agree with his actions; I think that he's still figuring himself out, and that he's choosing a lousy way to go about it, putting too much into "fitting in" with friends and society to build up significant confidence of his own, and looking at things in black and white extremes (i.e., society vs. sex drive). He's got problems, that's for damn sure, and I think that he realizes it, but they're not going to be solved by shouting him down with anyone else's problems.
> 
> Elle, Jon, Kato, Olwen and others did it right- properly berating him for his choices, but giving helpful advice nonetheless.
> 
> I do, however, think that everyone can agree on the idea that he should figure himself out before going into any sort of relationship again with a fat chick.
> 
> ETA: It's almost 2 a.m., so this post probably isn't as clear as it should've been... but I hope you get what I'm getting at.



You have made the point quite well. Every time someone gets on the main board and posts about being in the closet, the thread devolves into how BBWs have it worse than FAs. This is counterproductive. I will not validate closeted behavior, but I do realize that FAs and BBWs have different sets of issues to work with. I support separate boards for FAs and BBWs because men and women are different. They have different issues to work out. I think having a separate board could help to cut down on the unnecessary infighting over who has it worse.


----------



## mergirl

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I support separate boards for FAs and BBWs because men and women are different. They have different issues to work out. I think having a separate board could help to cut down on the unnecessary infighting over who has it worse.


So we should have seperate Fat and Fa boards and seperate boards for men and women too?? Why dont we all just sit in a cupboard with a blanket over our heads!


----------



## Victim

At the heart of the problem we have the SAME issue. Most of the world doesn't like fat people. We can do something about it or keep snapping at each other instead.


----------



## mossystate

mergirl said:


> So we should have seperate Fat and Fa boards and seperate boards for men and women too?? Why dont we all just sit in a cupboard with a blanket over our heads!



Mer...I like you, and I think you are a hoot and a half.....howevah....you campaigned for the GLBTQ board. You felt it was a good idea and spoke up. It was a good idea...a progressive idea. Other people are just saying that there happen to be a few other good ideas that should be considered. A BBW board/sticky thread, and an FA one of the same...not exactly saying that we will then be asking for separate boards for various hair colors. BlahBLahBlahBlah..... Both of us have access to protected places. I want the same for all fat chicks.


----------



## mergirl

mossystate said:


> Mer...I like you, and I think you are a hoot and a half.....howevah....you campaigned for the GLBTQ board. You felt it was a good idea and spoke up. It was a good idea...a progressive idea. Other people are just saying that there happen to be a few other good ideas that should be considered. A BBW board/sticky thread, and an FA one of the same...not exactly saying that we will then be asking for separate boards for various hair colors. BlahBLahBlahBlah..... Both of us have access to protected places. I want the same for all fat chicks.


I thought the lgbt forum would be a good idea mainly because i thought that it would bring more queer people to join up to dims when they saw it had a queer community and that queer people that were already here would 'come out' and post. This has happened, which makes me really happy because it adds to the community. 
will an Fa only board bring new people to the boards/give Fa's a voice where they had none before? If so then i am all for it.
What did you want? A BBW only space? I really dont see how that is any different from the ssbbw private forum..why not just get the ssbbw ladies to budge up a bit and let you in?? Would ssbbw's REALLY object to their slightly thinner sisters sitting in..or is it kinna like an exclusive social club kinna thing there?? who knows..
You know, this is about the 5th time today someont has said to me "well, you got to have an lgbt board" Moof! I'm not opposed to anyone having any board, nor am i opposed to any discussions about people wanting anything, plus i'm not the only queer in the village.


----------



## mossystate

mergirl said:


> I thought the lgbt forum would be a good idea mainly because i thought that it would bring more queer people to join up to dims when they saw it had a queer community and that queer people that were already here would 'come out' and post. This has happened, which makes me really happy because it adds to the community.
> will an Fa only board bring new people to the boards/give Fa's a voice where they had none before? If so then i am all for it.
> What did you want? A BBW only space? I really dont see how that is any different from the ssbbw private forum..why not just get the ssbbw ladies to budge up a bit and let you in?? Would ssbbw's REALLY object to their slightly thinner sisters sitting in..or is it kinna like an exclusive social club kinna thing there?? who knows..
> You know, this is about the 5th time today someont has said to me "well, you got to have an lgbt board" Moof! I'm not opposed to anyone having any board, nor am i opposed to any discussions about people wanting anything, plus i'm not the only queer in the village.



Never said you are the glbtq board. I just think you are now irritated by people asking for stuff and I don't know why. Or, maybe I have misunderstood your blahblahblah rant? And, I have access to the ssbbw board. So, maybe I am one of those types who likes a bit of fairness across the board. I think that there are just so many people who do not feel comfortable talking about lots of things.. I don't knwo that more forums is the answer....but, something needs to be shaken up a bit. More members is not the only positive to potential changes.


----------



## mergirl

I'm not irritated. My BlahBlahBlah thred was for fun, in the lounge because it seems that the same things keep being said over and over again in a vicious never ending circle that is a cross between groundhog day and ricci lake. I never said MORE members was the only positive which is why i asked if these boards would give people a voice that didnt before. These are just two positives that might or might not happen with the arrival of any board and i'm sure there would be lots more.. like you say 'discussing issues you dont feel you can on other boards'. I didnt know you had access to the ssbbw board or if you didnt.. For fairness this was why i suggested that instead of a ssbbw forum there just be a bbw forum.. I can think of absolutely no reason why this couldnt happen!? I dont know what you ment by 'never said you are the lgbt board' so i'm not sure how to reply to that except.."right, i'm not".


----------



## mossystate

mergirl said:


> I'm not irritated. My BlahBlahBlah thred was for fun, in the lounge because it seems that the same things keep being said over and over again in a vicious never ending circle that is a cross between groundhog day and ricci lake. I never said MORE members was the only positive which is why i asked if these boards would give people a voice that didnt before. These are just two positives that might or might not happen with the arrival of any board and i'm sure there would be lots more.. like you say 'discussing issues you dont feel you can on other boards'. I know you dont have access to the ssbbw board.. this was why i suggested that instead of a ssbbw forum there just be a bbw forum.. I can think of absolutely no reason why this couldnt happen!? I dont know what you ment by 'never said you are the lgbt board' so i'm not sure how to reply to that except.."right, i'm not".



ummmm..mer...and I never said you said more members was the only positive..:blink:..and my comment about your not being the glbtq board?...you misunderstood there.....oh, and, as I said...I DO have access to the ssbbw board.....................see how sometimes the loop has to be played?

Now...I need to go start a thread of my own in the lounge...LOL


----------



## mergirl

mossystate said:


> ummmm..mer...and I never said you said more members was the only positive..:blink:..and my comment about your not being the glbtq board?...you misunderstood there.....oh, and, as I said...I DO have access to the ssbbw board.....................see how sometimes the loop has to be played?
> 
> Now...I need to go start a thread of my own in the lounge...LOL


Oh i fixed that btw.. i misread..and changed it to "i didnt know or not if you had access to the ssbbw forum" ..because i didnt think that was the point..
Your point was it not, that you wanted a bbw board for everyone?? fair enough>>?! 
what DID i Misunderstand about what you said about me "not being the lgbt board"? I was asking you this....
Plus you did say.."More members is not the only positive to potential changes." ..then i said "I never said MORE members was the only positive" 
Blee blee blee..
Yes, i feel a new lounge thred would be good at this conjecture because this is doing my head in moss the merciless!


----------



## mossystate

mergirl said:


> Yes, i feel a new lounge thred would be good at this conjecture because this is doing my head in moss the merciless!



Yes, I will think long and hard about my thread, as my sinuses feel like exploding, mer the...hmmmm..gonna have to think of a name for ya, too! grrrr


----------



## goodthings

_Would ssbbw's REALLY object to their slightly thinner sisters sitting in_

I don't know about the others, but I would object.


----------



## cinnamitch

mossystate said:


> ...not exactly saying that we will then be asking for separate boards for various hair colors. BlahBLahBlahBlah.....




I think a board for natural redheads with wavy hair that wear their part on the left would be a great board to have myself.


----------



## Haunted

I stayed away from this thread for awhile, felt like it was going nowhere but in the process, as i was talking with kali about this it occurred to me that the whole explanation and the language used is just wrong. 

Usually when someone talks about their realizing that they are an fa or prefer Big woman (myself included), we use words like I admitted to liking fat girls or i came to terms with liking BBW's, this isn't or at least it shouldn't be some guilty pleasure. I understand exactly why people take offense to or are hurt by the way this is talked about on these boards. and the more i think about it, the more i see that i wasn't really in a closet i just didn't know this about myself, i hadn't noticed completely that i always tended to go for the big girls. i had no idea that there was a preference until i found the BBW world online and found dim's and other like minded people. 

I think your typical FA especially new doesn't even see the error in the language. Being an FA is a preference it's not a kink, it's not a fetish like it's been said so many times, you like blonds ... I like Belly's.

i don't think bisizual really qualifies as an FA, for me thin woman do nothing for me, yes i agree there are very beautiful thin woman out there but on an intimate level, there is nothing there for me, I physically need a BBW. where some are attracted to all woman and others are attracted to thin woman FA's are attracted to Fat woman.

also alot of my understanding comes with age. would i have told my friends at 20 that i really like fat girls, Probably Not. looking back those fears and worries are insanely silly, Just like worrying about having to start 6th grade with a mouthful of metal i was mortified but in the end it didn't matter. these young men that come onto these boards and all of a sudden learn that they aren't alone and that liking fat is ok. they sometimes may get carried away and not realize just how stupid and hurtful their statements 
might be! 

(i start these post's with a clear point and i always seem to meander all around. Hopefully this makes sense)


----------



## Jon Blaze

Haunted said:


> i don't think bisizual really qualifies as an FA, for me thin woman do nothing for me, yes i agree there are very beautiful thin woman out there but on an intimate level, there is nothing there for me, I physically need a BBW. where some are attracted to all woman and others are attracted to thin woman FA's are attracted to Fat woman.



Ummm.. What does this have to do with the conversation?


----------



## Haunted

Jon Blaze said:


> Ummm.. What does this have to do with the conversation?



I did mention i tend to meander about but thanks for asking 

either this thread or the ambivalent thread there was alot of talk about fa's also liking thinner woman. or people being bisizual but is bisizual really an fa or is it someone with a much Broader preference? 

if i got the threads crossed please excuse my Grave Error


----------



## mergirl

goodthings said:


> _Would ssbbw's REALLY object to their slightly thinner sisters sitting in_
> 
> I don't know about the others, but I would object.


Really? why?


----------



## goodthings

mergirl said:


> Really? why?



Because I would.


----------



## FlyingThePhobia

I can't imagine the reason why an FA would still hide their prefrence when the majority of members come from nations where the majority of people in their nation is labelled either overweight or obese. At this point in time there is no need to hide ones prefernece. The idea that dating a bbw is not normal does not fly given the mere stats proving they are the norm.


----------



## LillyBBBW

mergirl said:


> Really? why?



I'll bite on this line. I alluded to this before in another thread but size wars seem to happen here quite frequently. An SSBBW mentions some issue and people who aren't even NEAR being that size have an awful lot of advice to give. Sometimes the worst prejudices come from other fatties who can't believe we allowed ourselves to get this fat/sick and that if we'd just stop enjoying food we too can be only marginally fat like they are. When someone does have the energy to try to explain something to 'em they swear up and down that they know of what they speak because their aunt's ex boyfriend's sister's coworker was once SS and she lost weight by eliminating refined flours and soda from her diet. It gets tedious. Nobody wants to have the feeling that they are being judged or criticized silently and I know I will feel safer speaking freely around people who understand the groundwork and will empathize even in those instances when it IS my fault. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to feel the support of others but it's even nicer when one is enabled to support one's self. It's why the SS forum is a work of genius as is.


----------



## katorade

FlyingThePhobia said:


> I can't imagine the reason why an FA would still hide their prefrence when the majority of members come from nations where the majority of people in their nation is labelled either overweight or obese. At this point in time there is no need to hide ones prefernece. The idea that dating a bbw is not normal does not fly given the mere stats proving they are the norm.



While there's a huge percentage of obese people in the population, the majority of them are not happily or proudly so. BEING fat as a norm is different from LIKING fat as a norm.


----------



## chunkeymonkey

I get the FA closet....I just don't window shop where I can't wear my FA out loud and proud !


----------



## FlyingThePhobia

katorade said:


> While there's a huge percentage of obese people in the population, the majority of them are not happily or proudly so. BEING fat as a norm is different from LIKING fat as a norm.



I do agree being and liking are two different things in this case but given the numbers I just do not understand the fact some FAs still feel ashamed or embarassed about liking a group which makes up the majority of society. Certainly, the media still continues to paint being fat as a negative but even this is slowly changing. So I can somewhat understand somebody going through say high school not being fully honest about it but after high school an individual should probably be mature enough not to care if peers find them cool or not.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Haunted said:


> I did mention i tend to meander about but thanks for asking
> 
> either this thread or the ambivalent thread there was alot of talk about fa's also liking thinner woman. or people being bisizual but is bisizual really an fa or is it someone with a much Broader preference?
> 
> if i got the threads crossed please excuse my Grave Error



I'm a bisizual. The one thing I have in common with "Proud FAs/FFAs"? I'm not ashamed to be seen with a fat date.


----------



## olwen

mergirl said:


> Really? why?



Because there really are things about being a ssbbw that some smaller bbws wouldn't be able to handle or help with, and sometimes it's annoying when someone who weighs a lot less than you tries to commiserate...it's a nice gesture, but it often falls flat. I'm not super sized anymore but I can tell you the differences really are that stark even if the difference is only 100 -150lbs. There are just some things that only other ssbbws can truly appreciate. It's like how recovering addicts are probably more likely to trust a councelor who's been an addict too because they really know what the addict is going thru. 

Doesn't mean a smaller bbw and a ssbbw don't have other things in common, or that they can't help each other in other ways, but some things....unless the smaller one has been super sized...it's harder to talk about that stuff. 



FlyingThePhobia said:


> I can't imagine the reason why an FA would still hide their prefrence when the majority of members come from nations where the majority of people in their nation is labelled either overweight or obese. At this point in time there is no need to hide ones prefernece. The idea that dating a bbw is not normal does not fly given the mere stats proving they are the norm.



Oh if only that was the case. Unfortunately social change is very slow in coming. Letting go of old ideas is hard even if there are valid reasons why the old ideas no longer work.

Plus Americans love their pop culture: tv, movies, magazines, pop music, video games, internet....that stuff only reinforces the old ideas and is very slow to incorporate new ones. Advertisers prefer tv as an advertising medium because of this btw. Brand building, rapt and predictable audiences, and all that...


----------



## mergirl

goodthings said:


> Because I would.


'because' isnt a reason..
I dont want to tell you why is though..
Cheers though Lilly, i dont get where you are comming from because i have never been a ssbbw but i appreciate your reasons and understand a wee bit more why having an exclusive ssbbw furum is important.
I thought the main reason for having a private forum was a privicy thing, i had no idea it was for those reasons. Fair enough.


----------



## butch

FlyingThePhobia said:


> I do agree being and liking are two different things in this case but given the numbers I just do not understand the fact some FAs still feel ashamed or embarassed about liking a group which makes up the majority of society. Certainly, the media still continues to paint being fat as a negative but even this is slowly changing. So I can somewhat understand somebody going through say high school not being fully honest about it but after high school an individual should probably be mature enough not to care if peers find them cool or not.



Well, those majority numbers are misleading. I think its fair to assume that a sizable portion of self-identified FAs tend to like the larger side of fat, and for that population (otherwise odiously known as the 'morbidly obese') the figures are more like 9 million people in the US. For someone my height, 5'6, fat officially starts at like 160 pounds, if we go by the government's BMI statistics. So, when we're told that the majority of the US is 'overweight' or 'obese' we're talking about people who are mostly well under 100 pounds 'overweight.' I think lots of people in the 'overweight' BMI category, as well as a fair number in the 'obese' category, don't have the problems with dating just because of their size to a degree anywhere close to the ones I have because I'm well into the 'morbidly obese' BMI category.


----------



## LillyBBBW

mergirl said:


> 'because' isnt a reason..
> I dont want to tell you why is though..
> Cheers though Lilly, i dont get where you are comming from because i have never been a ssbbw but i appreciate your reasons and understand a wee bit more why having an exclusive ssbbw furum is important.
> I thought the main reason for having a private forum was a privicy thing, i had no idea it was for those reasons. Fair enough.



Well it's not ALL about that reason. I don't want my post to come off as if there is some grand bias against smaller bbws due to the misteps of a few. it's hard not to have strong feelings about these encounters as an ssbbw but privacy is also a factor. I'm not the official spokes person for ssbbws all around the world so I'm sure there are many more answers than mine.


----------



## mergirl

LillyBBBW said:


> Well it's not ALL about that reason. I don't want my post to come off as if there is some grand bias against smaller bbws due to the misteps of a few. it's hard not to have strong feelings about these encounters as an ssbbw but privacy is also a factor. I'm not the official spokes person for ssbbws all around the world so I'm sure there are many more answers than mine.


Sure. Actually though, i hadnt even considered the things you n Olwen were saying. I guess i was looking at it from the view that if people hadnt experienced things they wouldnt make suggestions to people looking for help. I think because there have been quite a lot of smaller bbws asking for a forum i was wondering why there wasnt some sort of all encompassing BBW room. I guess though, where do you draw the line because everyones perceptions of bbw is different so it would just end up a womans room which then wouldnt be helpful to ssbbws at all.. hmm What about ssbhm's..they need to learn about the telescopic bumboil sticks too i feel!


----------



## mergirl

Btw. Do you really feel you are being judged or criticised silently?? Thats awful. Do you mean thats what you would feel if you didnt have a ssbbw space only? Was there a mixed room before that didnt work or do you base this on the experiences posting on other places in Dims? hmm..this place..its like an onion wrapped in an inigma wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in a mumu!!


----------



## olwen

mergirl said:


> Sure. Actually though, i hadnt even considered the things you n Olwen were saying. I guess i was looking at it from the view that if people hadnt experienced things they wouldnt make suggestions to people looking for help. I think because there have been quite a lot of smaller bbws asking for a forum i was wondering why there wasnt some sort of all encompassing BBW room. I guess though, where do you draw the line because everyones perceptions of bbw is different so it would just end up a womans room which then wouldnt be helpful to ssbbws at all.. hmm What about ssbhm's..they need to learn about the telescopic bumboil sticks too i feel!



Not to speak for bhms, but it seems to me like their issues would be slightly different from ours. How they communicate is a factor as well. They have to deal with "it's not manly if you do X" so how willing they are to share very personal things is maybe why there isn't a ssbhm board. I think maybe if they were willing to share they would be more willing to do that with as little fuss as possible. I don't know if this is how they really feel, but that's the impression I get from some of the bhms. Seems to me like it just comes down to the different communication styles between men and women. So to summarize, it's not that ssbhms wouldn't need a private forum to discuss very personal issues, it's how willing they'd be to participate in the first place.


----------



## mergirl

olwen said:


> Not to speak for bhms, but it seems to me like their issues would be slightly different from ours. How they communicate is a factor as well. They have to deal with "it's not manly if you do X" so how willing they are to share very personal things is maybe why there isn't a ssbhm board. I think maybe if they were willing to share they would be more willing to do that with as little fuss as possible. I don't know if this is how they really feel, but that's the impression I get from some of the bhms. Seems to me like it just comes down to the different communication styles between men and women. So to summarize, it's not that ssbhms wouldn't need a private forum to discuss very personal issues, it's how willing they'd be to participate in the first place.


I actually wondered to begin with if there was a ssbbw private forum because ssbbw's wanted to talk about personal things without guys being able to know what they were saying. I actually wondered if it would also be difficult to discuss these kind of things with women in general who were not or had never experienced being a ssbbw. I have had ssbbw friends for years who are pretty open about things with me but i could totally see how people that were a bit more shy might want a private place to discuss them. 
Where does bbw end and ssbbw begin btw? I'm sure my gf is sssbbw (on the smaller end) and she doesnt have many of the problems she has heard from people who actually weighed less because they were less supple or something.. Its a pity that some of the people on the cusp who needed help or a safe space might not be able to get it because of numbers..


----------



## LillyBBBW

There's only so much I can say. I've been sternly warned not to talk about what goes on in the forum, even this inocuous stuff so I'm reluctant to go much farther. Yes there are people who feel that they are being judged and there is good reason. I'm of no mind to revive old threads and spark new life to them. Neither do I want to embarass people who may or may not have changed their way of thinking on the matter now or who have left the board altogether and aren't here to defend themselves. Since "Canklegate" is so readily available I will use that as an example. It as well as many other incidents on this board has been extremely hurtful to people in an epic form that some people still can't understand why it's been taken to such levels. Sadly it's something that no one has the capability to justify I the minds of people who are far removed from the issues. In this thread it's perfectly reasonable to ask these questions and talk these things out to gain more understanding if possible. This should not happen in the SSBBW forum though, that's not what it's for. As far as SSBHMs go, my bum scratcher metaphore was a deliberate red herring. BHMs aren't in there for the same reason I won't let my dad or my brother look up my hooha with a flashlight.


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## mergirl

Totally. I understand why the ssbbw board needs to exist and why it needs to be private too. 'Canklegate' kinna shocked me because i never thought bbws would speak about other bbws like that but at the same time i remember thinking..yeah but some women bitch and gossip all the time, if not about that then about something else. I'm sure there is 'in' bitching between even the ssbbws here. ..anywaaays..
I'm actually a bit disapointed that you cant get telescopic bum scratchers cause i wanted one. Also, you DONT allow your dad n brother to look up your hooha with a flashlight??? How prudish! 
Anyway, i forget what the hell is happening here? Where are we? 
Fa's want a board.
BBws want a board.
SSbbws want to keep their board for ssbbws and private..
is that the score?
i cant actually even remember my point any more, which is usually a good indicator of it being time to shut up!


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## LillyBBBW

This started out with the idea of keeping the SS forum private to keep the old dirty bastards out. The men want to keep the old shrewish harpies out of their forum and nobody likes being thought of in any of those terms. Then there's the FFA who wonders what peg they're supposed to slip into. It's a great big soupy mess but you and I can strainghten them all out mer. I'm still working on that root beer so we'll be able to do this over matching mugs.


----------



## olwen

mergirl said:


> I actually wondered to begin with if there was a ssbbw private forum because ssbbw's wanted to talk about personal things without guys being able to know what they were saying. I actually wondered if it would also be difficult to discuss these kind of things with women in general who were not or had never experienced being a ssbbw. I have had ssbbw friends for years who are pretty open about things with me but i could totally see how people that were a bit more shy might want a private place to discuss them.
> Where does bbw end and ssbbw begin btw? I'm sure my gf is sssbbw (on the smaller end) and she doesnt have many of the problems she has heard from people who actually weighed less because they were less supple or something.. Its a pity that some of the people on the cusp who needed help or a safe space might not be able to get it because of numbers..



They wanted to be able to talk without being on display. They want to be able to discuss very personal private embarrassing matters without being gawked at by people who've never been thru what they've been thru. It wasn't just about getting away from some boys club mentality. That's a bit oversimplistic. There is a thread about the forming of the board that contains reasons for why it was needed from ssbbws themselves. You could search for it if you really want a better understanding. But...yeah....I'd hate for it to be resurrected...

As for where does ssbbw begin - I think it's over 350lbs or or over 400lbs. I'm 324lbs so I'm just below that now, and maybe on the cusp. I'm not in the ssbbw forum either. I don't feel like I can't get help for any issues I'd have from smaller bbws or bbws my size, so I feel no need for a private space and I don't think it's a pity not to have one. All of Dims is a space. I think if a bbw has issues that aren't being addressed they need to adopt a more effective communication style and say exactly what it is they feel and exactly what they want to hear and discussions can go from there. But this is true for anybody I guess. Also having a protected space doesn't mean there wouldn't be disagreements between community members....I guess it's just a testament to the reality of those differences if you have to ask why ssbbws needed a private space but not smaller bbws...I don't know what else to say about that.


----------



## mergirl

olwen said:


> I guess it's just a testament to the reality of those differences if you have to ask why ssbbws needed a private space but not smaller bbws...I don't know what else to say about that.



I am really just playing devils advocate here and trying to understand both sides. I am neither ssbbw or bbw (well maby i am but i dont think so) so it doesnt really matter either way except for the fact of fairness and the fact that some bbws had expressed and interest in a private forum too. It was actually someone else that asked about smaller bbws needing a private space too..maby some people need stuff that others dont irrelivent of size.
also, i am crap at looking up stuff here..i really would be all day. I always try to look for a better understanding of people, hence all the questions. Though i can understand people will get board, pissed off, anoyed by questions and tell me to fuck off and that is totally fair enough.. 
cheers for your patience Olwen x


----------



## olwen

mergirl said:


> I am really just playing devils advocate here and trying to understand both sides. I am neither ssbbw or bbw (well maby i am but i dont think so) so it doesnt really matter either way except for the fact of fairness and the fact that some bbws had expressed and interest in a private forum too. It was actually someone else that asked about smaller bbws needing a private space too..maby some people need stuff that others dont irrelivent of size.
> also, i am crap at looking up stuff here..i really would be all day. I always try to look for a better understanding of people, hence all the questions. Though i can understand people will get board, pissed off, anoyed by questions and tell me to fuck off and that is totally fair enough..
> cheers for your patience Olwen x



I know you are trying to understand both sides, which is a good thing, but I guess what I'm saying is sometimes some things just can't be understood, then it's best to just let it be.


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## goodthings

what was cankle gate?


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## FlyingThePhobia

olwen said:


> Oh if only that was the case. Unfortunately social change is very slow in coming. Letting go of old ideas is hard even if there are valid reasons why the old ideas no longer work.
> 
> Plus Americans love their pop culture: tv, movies, magazines, pop music, video games, internet....that stuff only reinforces the old ideas and is very slow to incorporate new ones. Advertisers prefer tv as an advertising medium because of this btw. Brand building, rapt and predictable audiences, and all that...



I agree that with how the media is structured social change is certainly going to be slow especially for females. Males usually have it easier being larger then females and certainly being larger in Hollywood as a male is less of a negative then if you are a female. So I can understand somebody who is just realizing their preference for somebody who is larger be it male or female but given the population around us larger is not that uncommon. Though society as you pointed out still has a huge influence on what people view as being acceptable and not acceptable and also sexism still plays a major role.


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## Eynimeb

Wow, the thread is 32 pages long, but I might as well toss in my two cents, in case anybody needs those. Apologies if what I'm saying has been said before, the thread is too big for me to read through.

I think that until the point in time where an FA/FFA is in a relationship with a BBW/BHM, or pursues such a relationship, their taste is really their own business. Sure, in some cases it may mean they miss out on opportunities, but at the end of the day, it is at that point, purely *their* business and no one else's, unless they *want* to share it.

However, should they actually end up in a relationship with a fat person, they should be open about their preference to said person. While there's no need to shout their preference from the rooftops to the rest of the world, they should not hide their significant other in any way. It is really purely a matter of where one's priorities lie. If you really want to be with a certain person, you will have to accept the social backlash. If you're not willing to do that, you're not enough in love/lust with that person.

When I was a kid, I had a "friend" with whom I sometimes played on the computer, played with LEGO, etcetera. But we had this sort of agreement that because I was extremely unpopular at school, he would play along with the bullies and tease me, "pretending" he wasn't my friend. It took me a while to realise what was really going on, but he taught me a valuable lesson.

I have to add though, that people discriminate that way about many other factors, regardless of actual sexual attraction. People are often unwilling to date outside their race or religion because they fear social backlash. The vast majority of women doesn't want to be seen with a guy shorter than herself. People avoid dating certain "types" because they fear their friends will not like them (maybe they know inside that these people aren't really their friends, but they're desperate for some companionship). The list goes on and on.


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## pineapple cake

BothGunsBlazing said:


> so, it's ok to compliment women on the paysite board and be all like OMG you are so hot! but not so much to be seen with them? they sure must be gorgeous! nothing makes a woman feel more beautiful than knowing some one would be "uncool" if seen with them. Fuckin' awesome.



i totally concur. i find that the guys i end up dating have one stance against me, is that if i were thinner they'd be more out about liking me.


...i say, next please.


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## mergirl

Eynimeb said:


> When I was a kid, I had a "friend" with whom I sometimes played on the computer, played with LEGO, etcetera. But we had this sort of agreement that because I was extremely unpopular at school, he would play along with the bullies and tease me, "pretending" he wasn't my friend. It took me a while to realise what was really going on, but he taught me a valuable lesson.
> 
> .



I hope the valuble lesson was that you ARE better than that. you DESERVE better than that and that people like your wee 'friend' behaving the same way as an adult should be avoided like the plague!!


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## GoldenDelicious

I'd like to chip my two pence worth in with regards to the OP. I am not an FA but if I was I would not be closeted, at least not for long. It's ok for some to feel shy or uneasy about not being 'cool', especially the younger FA's who are still finding themselves. I am not angry at anyone for being a closet FA and I think the reason I have empathy is because I was closeted about my own sexuality and only came out to my family last year despite having (a little) experience with a woman before and finding women attractive. When Mer and I got together she knew I wasn't out and said she did not mind being known as my friend for the short term until we seen where things were going with us, she was very patient and understanding. Because she was like this and put no pressure on me to out myself I felt more comfortable about introducing her to my friends and family. 

I was lucky as my coming out experience was made really easy for me and most of my family and friends were very understanding and didn't care, many of them were delighted for me because they had known me single for a long time and given up hope for me,lol

This bares resemblence to me as having empathy with anyone who is closeted about anything, you are closeted because you are worried or scared about the reaction or judgement you will get from others. I don't think true FA's would ever intentionally want to hurt big people and make them feel ashamed or like a dirty secret. I would have felt so sad if mer had thought that's why I didn't tell people about her straight away because it's simply not true.

All this said, if I was to date an FA who wasn't willing to introduce me to friends and family or was embarrassed to be seen in public with me then the relationship would not last and certainly go nowhere.

I think some of the BBW's are right in what they say about society being judgemental enough and we don't need reasons to feel ashamed or bad about ourselves but I think it starts with us not 'acting', being or allowing ourselves to be embarrassed or ashamed of ourselves first. No-one should make anyone else feel inferior regardless of what it's about, race, size, religion, class. I have grown in confidence about my size but that hasn't been easy and it's been a slow process. I'd actually like to remain a BBW but be a couple of dress sizes smaller than I am now. With this feeling that I'd like to be a little smaller I get a lack of confidence in certain situations. Mostly if it involves wearing a swimsuit in a public place, beach or pool. That is my issue and no-one else's fault. Mer loves my body and is not embarrassed to be seen with me any where. If I was with someone who did feel this way I just couldn't date them, simple as that. In my life in general I make a point of not spending time with anyone who makes me feel bad about myself in any way (other than at work where I have no choice,lol).

Wasn't in Elenor Roosevelt who said, 'No man can make another feel inferior without his consent' Wise woman. I don't let anyone else make me feel inferior because I'm not, fat,thin, black, white, whatever and I try never to do anything to make anyone else feel this way either. One of my life philosophies.

All I would say to closeted FA's is, what is cool anyway? who decides? Have a little courage. That being said I don't shout from the rooftops that I'm a lesbian but I tell people when they ask if I have a partner. If I hid that about myself it would be like I thought it was wrong and I don't so why should I hide? It's not wrong to find fat people attractive because some of them are stunningly beautiful just the same as some thin people are stunningly beautiful, besides which it's in the eye of the beholder. One mans trash is another mans treasure. O'h I'm feeling philosophical today.


----------



## VVET

I remember the 1st date I had with a BBW. She asked if I'd like to go out to a restaurant with her. I remember being thrilled; like normal guys would feel like going out with a model.
That said, I don't go out and make myself known as an FA. If someone at work asks about or wonders about my wife, I'll show them her picture. But otherwise people don't know I've been a member of Naafa, for over 20 years.


----------



## Scorsese86

Random shoot in...

I don't understand why some FA's won't be open about their preferance. Some guys like blondes, some like brunettes. Are there closeted brunette fans? I don't understand it.

I like big girls. When someone asks me what kind of chicks I like, I say I like big, cute girls. End of the story. What's so difficult with that?


----------



## Jesuslme2

I am still at college and a closet FA. i am worried the big girl, who is a couple years younger that i have a crush on will not want to go out with me if i like "fat" for she is always trying to lose weight. i've tried implying i like big curvy women but she looks in disgust. Any tips other than telling her bluntly?


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## Rahero2k3

I'm not really a closeted FA but I am still new to the FA/BBW experience. By this I mean I haven't really been to the parties (only one) and don't have a circle of friends who are BBWs, SSBBWs and FAs. 

I have gone out and tried to have fun but it was weird and akward being there alone. Its hard, I refuse to go to another party without at least one male friend who is an FA as well or a date or girlfriend who is a BBW. As I said going to parties, clubs and bashes alone is weird and akward. 

In terms of being judged I don't care about what people think. I've dated BBWs in the past taken them out (IN PUBLIC), show public displays of affection etc. I just want to meet and make more friends who are BBWs, SSBBWs and FAs to share my interests. My current friends wouldn't be caught dead there.

This situation is frustrating and annoying.


----------



## Jon Blaze

Jesuslme2 said:


> I am still at college and a closet FA. i am worried the big girl, who is a couple years younger that i have a crush on will not want to go out with me if i like "fat" for she is always trying to lose weight. i've tried implying i like big curvy women but she looks in disgust. Any tips other than telling her bluntly?



Don't tell her bluntly (A), or only bring it up after you've established a framework. That's of course if you want to even aspire to date her, because that situation may or may not be something you can actually counter simply by your preferences, or at all for that matter.

None of the bbws I've ever dated knew about the concept of FAs/BBWs, and I never spoke of it. I mentioned boards and the internet, but not the concept. I don't expect others to understand, and I don't plan on it unless they know (Minus the girl that called me a week ago :wubu. I did eventually tell them that I find larger women attractive, but it was never blunt, and I didn't jump the gun. 

*Shrugs* I've never tried to make this any different conceptually than if I were to date any size woman to be honest. With my last ex, it was just clockwork: Became her friend, became a good friend, got her number, asked her out. After that: Dating. :wubu: BUT that was over three years ago when I had just started college, so... lol 

I have to ask though: Is this situation one of the reasons why you're in the closet?


----------



## kayrae

Participating in more threads on DIMs is a start. I met a couple of really cool BBWs, BHMs, and FAs that way. But I also started a thread on the West forum to have meet-ups where I live. And I pretty much love the little DIMs community that we have in the bay. I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to go to any bashes alone. I'd imagine that there are already cliques formed.

So get to posting, Mister!



Rahero2k3 said:


> I'm not really a closeted FA but I am still new to the FA/BBW experience. By this I mean I haven't really been to the parties (only one) and don't have a circle of friends who are BBWs, SSBBWs and FAs.
> 
> I have gone out and tried to have fun but it was weird and akward being there alone. Its hard, I refuse to go to another party without at least one male friend who is an FA as well or a date or girlfriend who is a BBW. As I said going to parties, clubs and bashes alone is weird and akward.
> 
> In terms of being judged I don't care about what people think. I've dated BBWs in the past taken them out (IN PUBLIC), show public displays of affection etc. I just want to meet and make more friends who are BBWs, SSBBWs and FAs to share my interests. My current friends wouldn't be caught dead there.
> 
> This situation is frustrating and annoying.


----------



## blackghost75

As an Fa,I've never been in the closet about my preference for plus-size women.
I started dating BBW'S when I was in high school I'm very much out in the open about my preference and love for BBW's and SSBBW'S and I have no problem with tell people what my preference in women is. I'm so much out in the open,that I have no problem going out in public wearing my t-shirt that says "I love fat chicks"  I also wear one of my favorite cap that says"BBW Admire" with my nickname stitched on the back "smiley"  I do find people who stare and give looks,but I just look back at them!!


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## Blockierer

blackghost75 said:


> I'm so much out in the open,that I have no problem going out in public wearing my t-shirt that says "I love fat chicks"  I also wear one of my favorite cap that says"BBW Admire" with my nickname stitched on the back "smiley"  I do find people who stare and give looks,but I just look back at them!!




If you would like to show it on a website, go to http://www.fat-admirers.com
The SA-community needs guys like you.


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## blackghost75

What burns me up is a closeted fa's that is married to a thin woman and will go to a plus-size event to hook up with a bbw or ssbbw to have on the side! *This is the closeted fa I would really love to shoot!!!*  This is the guy that gives real and true fa's like myself a very bad name. Then there is the closeted fa thats ok ,at being a plus-size event with a bbw or ssbbw,but he doesn't want to be seen in public with her or take her out on a date!


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## AnnMarie

There are many more of those "types" of guys online than there are at events. I'm not saying they don't exist, but equating it with event attendance as a unique experience is far from accurate.


----------



## ZosofanCMR

I've been closeted for most of my life, until quite recently in fact, I'm not gonna say that I'm fully out in the open about my FA-dom, but in time I will be.

The best thing that happened to me was to meet some really cool BBW's/SSBBW's and other FA's and realize Im truely not alone in my preferencs.

Society is such a mindfuck and it can really get to you, what your supposed to look like, what movies are good, and yes who is by definition attractive. So it's 21 years of programming I have to undo.

I'll get there though, I don't want to be ashamed of myself or my significant other, that would be the ultimate sadness for me, because I know I shouldn't be.

Thanks
kai
bye
:bow:


----------



## Jon Blaze

ZosofanCMR said:


> I've been closeted for most of my life, until quite recently in fact, I'm not gonna say that I'm fully out in the open about my FA-dom, but in time I will be.
> 
> The best thing that happened to me was to meet some really cool BBW's/SSBBW's and other FA's and realize Im truely not alone in my preferencs.
> 
> Society is such a mindfuck and it can really get to you, what your supposed to look like, what movies are good, and yes who is by definition attractive. So it's 21 years of programming I have to undo.
> 
> I'll get there though, I don't want to be ashamed of myself or my significant other, that would be the ultimate sadness for me, because I know I shouldn't be.
> 
> Thanks
> kai
> bye
> :bow:



All you gotta do is tell the truth, and find that special girl. You don't have to be a flag twirler to be out.

I thought this post was good.







THUMBS UP FELLOW SOLDIER! :bow:


----------



## Teresa

OK, I'm only halfway through reading all the responses, but this is a great thread and I want to participate. 

First off, I can understand a young FA wanting to fit in and not being comfortable about their attraction to fat women. Peers can make young FA's and young fat girls feel intimidated. As a fat teen I didn't feel that I could express my interest in guys because I knew they would be teased, just because I liked them, and of course I would feel the humiliation from that teasing because it meant I wasn't good enough at my size for a boy to like. The legacy of that is that even now I do not show interest in a guy unless he is explicit about his interest in me. 

I personally hate it that there are FA's who aren't kids who still hide their preference. I don't believe a man has to shout it from the rooftops or even have a big discussion with his family/friends about the size of the woman he's attracted to. Simply dating fat women and not trying to hide the fact that you DO date them from family and friends is being "out" as far as I'm concerned.

I don't think there's any harm in a young FA coming here, looking at pics of BBW's and expressing his admiration even though he doesn't express the admiration around friends. But, as others have written, I would hope he'd leave any fat girls he meets alone until he's confident enough to openly express his preference. 

Teresa


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## mergirl

Teresa said:


> OK, I'm only halfway through reading all the responses, but this is a great thread and I want to participate.
> 
> First off, I can understand a young FA wanting to fit in and not being comfortable about their attraction to fat women. Peers can make young FA's and young fat girls feel intimidated. As a fat teen I didn't feel that I could express my interest in guys because I knew they would be teased, just because I liked them, and of course I would feel the humiliation from that teasing because it meant I wasn't good enough at my size for a boy to like. The legacy of that is that even now I do not show interest in a guy unless he is explicit about his interest in me.
> 
> I personally hate it that there are FA's who aren't kids who still hide their preference. I don't believe a man has to shout it from the rooftops or even have a big discussion with his family/friends about the size of the woman he's attracted to. Simply dating fat women and not trying to hide the fact that you DO date them from family and friends is being "out" as far as I'm concerned.
> 
> I don't think there's any harm in a young FA coming here, looking at pics of BBW's and expressing his admiration even though he doesn't express the admiration around friends. But, as others have written, I would hope he'd leave any fat girls he meets alone until he's confident enough to openly express his preference.
> 
> Teresa


Right!!!!!


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## honeyhush

I read the first post of this thread and was appalled at what can only be described as blatant s*** stirring. I continued on for a while and found nothing but flaming. 

Why ask a question if you know you will disagree with any answer? :doh:

Nevertheless, I didnt read all of the posts and realize that there are voices of reason amongst the fiery flames. 

Many women see sites like this as a place of refuge from the harsh and critical lighting of the real world. Whats wrong with FAs feeling that way too? 

Adolescent or adult, everyone has their ups, downs and confusing moments. Saying its ok to be in the closet if you are a teen is just a cop out. If there are reasons for it being ok as a teen then there are reasons for it being ok at any age. 

I also struggle with the concept of coming out. I dont talk about my intimate sexual preferences with my parents/friends/strangers, why should I expect a potential bf to do the same? (and if he was ashamed to be seen with me why would he be a potential bf anyway? )

In my opinion, closet FAs wouldnt exist if so many women didnt hate the way they look. Funnily enough, it isnt just FAs who are in a minority group, women who are happy being fat are as well. Dieting isnt a multi-billion dollar industry because women want to please men. Women diet/follow fashion/wear makeup to keep in line with other women. It is a twisted competition and everyone loses. 

I believe closet FAs should be treated with the same respect as a woman not fully confident with her body. The two issues both involve lack of self confidence, which is something not solved by angry posts.


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## Teresa

honeyhush said:


> Saying its ok to be in the closet if you are a teen is just a cop out. If there are reasons for it being ok as a teen then there are reasons for it being ok at any age.
> 
> I also struggle with the concept of coming out. I dont talk about my intimate sexual preferences with my parents/friends/strangers, why should I expect a potential bf to do the same? (and if he was ashamed to be seen with me why would he be a potential bf anyway? )
> 
> In my opinion, closet FAs wouldnt exist if so many women didnt hate the way they look. Funnily enough, it isnt just FAs who are in a minority group, women who are happy being fat are as well.
> 
> I believe closet FAs should be treated with the same respect as a woman not fully confident with her body. The two issues both involve lack of self confidence, which is something not solved by angry posts.




The difference between a teen and an adult is that a teen is still a kid and growing into their personality/strength/confidence. As an adult we all still struggle at times with those things, but we've basically set our foundation and we build from there. An adult in the closet can hurt another person by their shame in their preference. Teens can do that too, but I cut them slack because they're ARE still growing up. 

I agree with you about there being a minority of fat women happy with their bodies. It's a difficult road and there are many ups and downs to it. 

Yes, closet FA's should be treated with respect, but that doesn't necessarily translate into respecting their choice to remain ashamed of their preference. Their shame can hurt others, a fat woman's shame in her body hurts herself. Both need to work the problem out, but there's a world of difference between the two.

Teresa


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## superodalisque

honeyhush said:


> I read the first post of this thread and was appalled at what can only be described as blatant s*** stirring. I continued on for a while and found nothing but flaming.
> 
> Why ask a question if you know you will disagree with any answer? :doh:
> 
> Nevertheless, I didn’t read all of the posts and realize that there are voices of reason amongst the fiery flames.
> 
> Many women see sites like this as a place of refuge from the harsh and critical lighting of &#8216;the real world’. What’s wrong with FA’s feeling that way too?
> 
> Adolescent or adult, everyone has their ups, downs and confusing moments. Saying its ok to be in the closet if you are a teen is just a cop out. If there are reasons for it being ok as a teen then there are reasons for it being ok at any age.
> 
> I also struggle with the concept of &#8216;coming out’. I don’t talk about my intimate sexual preferences with my parents/friends/strangers, why should I expect a potential bf to do the same? (and if he was ashamed to be seen with me why would he be a potential bf anyway? )
> 
> In my opinion, closet FAs wouldn’t exist if so many women didn’t hate the way they look. Funnily enough, it isn’t just FAs who are in a minority group, women who are happy being fat are as well. Dieting isn’t a multi-billion dollar industry because women want to please men. Women diet/follow fashion/wear makeup to keep in line with other women. It is a twisted competition and everyone loses.
> 
> I believe closet FAs should be treated with the same respect as a woman not fully confident with her body. The two issues both involve lack of self confidence, which is something not solved by angry posts.




you made a good point here. it really can look like 2 sides of the same coin when your talking about people learning about who they are and what they want. i hear FAs complaining that BBWs say they want to be big and gain and then changing thier minds and even going so far as having WLS when they are healthy. then you also have FAs who even when not entirely in the closet are not entirely out and comfortable that BBWs have to deal with. what if each group could help the other? is that pratical or is it better that they be aided by people who are more experienced?

yep, flaming has reached epidemic proportions these days. maybe its the spring and the sap is rising.


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## ClashCityRocker

my 2 cents..

i dont know many FA's..at all. most of my closest friends used to try to give me shit for talking to big girls, but after seeing that i really dont care what they have to say they've chilled out on it. and yeah it kind of sucks to be the odd man out, but that's life. so my question to the closeted FA's is this..what's the worst that's gonna happen if you come out? will you lose your job? get expelled from school? i doubt it. i know it's not a really easy step to take on your own to say "HEY WORLD! I LOVE BBWS!" cuz then you have to explain to the world what a BBW is and they automatically recoil in horror when you tell them. but once you do decide to let everyone know what you're about, and they see that their opinions of it arent affecting you, things get easier. i didn't read this over before i wrote it so if it makes no sense feel free to skip over it.


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## mergirl

See, i knew that when the flames died down we could discuss this thing without all going mental. 
Honey hush..i wasn't shit stirring or insighting a flame war by posing a question that tried to understand the 'closet Fa'. I am an Fa myself and find it difficult to comprehend, i also think that Fa's who are just realising thier sexuality could possibly be helped by talking about this. It has been established that it is not the job of fat people to educate these people coming to terms with their sexuality. Some interesting ideas and oppinions have developed from this thred, including Boards for Fa's, women, the differences and simmilarities between fat people and Fa's, etc etc.. I am totally of the oppinion that if you sweep something under the carpet, sooner or later you are going to trip over the bumps. I think an open and honest discussion, even if it is heated, identifies problems in a community and looks at ways these problems can be solved.


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## abel

LalaCity said:


> Wow, these threads always make me so sad whenever I read the experiences FAs have dealing with their non-FA friends. It still astonishes me how many men seem to be full of pure hate toward fat women. It's one thing to not be attracted to a girl's body type, but the outright venom and disgust they express in their comments -- i.e., "That's so nasty!" "Are you blind???" "You've _got_ to be joking, please tell me you're joking" etc. -- it's like they think fat women don't even deserve to live...I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but it's so cruel it actually makes me want to cry.


To be perfectly honest I have not seen this kind of hateful hostility toward fat girls, at least as an adult.

Many of my male friends are aging party dudes who don't hold back when it comes to talking about women, but the level of cruelty of which you speak is just not common or... normal. It is kind of unclassy and uncool to trash a woman because of her looks alone, even in all-male company. Then again we're generally guys over 40.

By the way, Lala, I really like your writing style. Your posts are a pleasure to read, for the writing alone.


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## olwen

superodalisque said:


> you made a good point here. it really can look like 2 sides of the same coin when your talking about people learning about who they are and what they want. i hear FAs complaining that BBWs say they want to be big and gain and then changing thier minds and even going so far as having WLS when they are healthy. then you also have FAs who even when not entirely in the closet are not entirely out and comfortable that BBWs have to deal with. what if each group could help the other? is that pratical or is it better that they be aided by people who are more experienced?
> 
> yep, flaming has reached epidemic proportions these days. maybe its the spring and the sap is rising.



Doesn't seem practical to me if only because if the people involved are both dealing with these messed up issues I imagine it would only end up worse, not better. What they learn would only reinforce their already complicated feelings. Just seems like a hopeless situation to me that would only end in anger and frustration and guilt for both parties.


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## CCC

I'd say I've been an FA from about age 12-13, and for the most part I've always been "closeted." If I'm being completely honest with myself, I probably was a bit uneasy or embarrassed about my preference even through the beginning of high school. I wasn't sure what to make of it or how to deal. 

Fortunately I was able to find Dimensions and have since matured, emotionally, quite a bit. My family knows (and it's completely a non-issue, which is great). I don't think my friends know, but that's mostly due to the fact that there are quite literally _no_ larger girls where I attend college; they're all either completely average or well-sculpted athletes, so in essence I haven't found _anyone_ who I've been attracted to since starting school (yes, this a cry for help. Get me out of here!). Never having occasion to bring it up may sound like a crappy excuse, but it's entirely true, and if a beautiful larger girl who I was attracted to ever showed up, I can honestly say I'd waste no time going after her and have no reservations about my friends knowing or the public "seeing." Besides which, I tend to associate pretty much exclusively with liberal-minded people who don't buy into mainstream trends anyway. The thought of me (or a girl I was with) being ridiculed is still pretty terrifying, but after reading countless Dimensions anecdotes of confident couples braving the hatred, I hope would be able to live up to those good examples.

EDIT: Ooh, I just remembered something else. Some time in the past few months, I was doing one of those "Write 25 Interesting Things About Yourself" [publicly] on Facebook, and my #19 concerned my physical preferences for women. In that, I believe I said something like "I prefer curvy women with meat on their bones as compared to stick-thin or even average." That might not seem like anything significant, but it was a big step for me, and the fact that nobody made even the slightest negative comments made me feel pretty good.


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## Uriel

mergirl said:


> Btw. Do you really feel you are being judged or criticised silently?? Thats awful. Do you mean thats what you would feel if you didnt have a ssbbw space only? Was there a mixed room before that didnt work or do you base this on the experiences posting on other places in Dims? hmm..this place..its like an onion wrapped in an inigma wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in a mumu!!



...Wrapped in a Snuggie?

Yes, I went there...


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## mergirl

Uriel said:


> ...Wrapped in a Snuggie?
> 
> Yes, I went there...


Yes, wrapped in a snuggie too.. just a wee one though!


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## Fuzzy Necromancer

krismiss said:


> Well, there are multiple hotels around here, let's get crackin'.
> 
> You know... I actually would like for the college guys on here to respond to this. I don't really know.... I really just don't think it is that difficult for you to just date a fat girl if you like her. I mean, don't you deserve the whole package?
> It's stupid to give up someone you have a physical AND emotional connection with because you're embarrassed.
> Really, I think this needs to be done.
> I don't think there's much more that anyone can respond with that won't just end up being hurtful.
> 
> Because, that's what it fucking was. It was hurtful. I don't think I've said this since pre-k, but goddammit, He hurt my feelings.



I'm a college guy and I don't do that. o.0


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## RobbFix

well after reading this entire thread I am sure of one thing and unsure of another. First, I know for sure that I am not an FA for the same reason I'm not into blonds. Second, I don't get why there is such a need to be accepted by others. Maybe I am out of touch with society, but I don't get it. I mean, my wife is 250+ @ 5'10, I wouldn't call her big or little, or anything other than what she is.. my wife. 

To the OP, dude... peer pressure is used as a weapon against the weak. No matter the reason, be strong.


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