# Lightbulb Moments



## LovelyLiz (Jun 4, 2010)

Talking to other fat women, I've come to see that there are moments along the jouney of life where for the first time we realize some really fundamental truth, and it revolutionizes our perspective on ourselves, others, or the world. Some of those things might be that we don't have to be thin to love ourselves or to know we are beautiful. Or that we can be sexually desirable or sexually powerful. Or that we are allowed to ask for what we need. Or that we can wear what we want and don't need to bow to other people's opinions. 

You get the idea.

Everyone has these moments - fat, non-fat, female, male, what have you. But living as a fat woman can make certain insights a little slower in coming, or they may take a little more time to really take deep root in ourselves. But I thought it would be fun if we fat women could share with each other some of these moments from our pasts, and any that we come to in the present. It's always a gift to learn from the wisdom of others. 

So I'll start us off. 

When I was in grad school for my masters I had a close friend who I'll call R. She was tall, maybe about a size 16, with big read hair and with a loud, opinionated personality (I love me some mouthy women). Anyway, it was right at the beginning of grad school when I was about 24 that I was getting into exercising regularly, and I'd often take long walks around the neighborhoods where the school was located. Most of the time nothing happened, but there was one time where a car full of white teenage boys went by and yelled something mean out the window at me (maybe some kind of fat animal sound? I don't remember exactly). Anyway, I remember feeling so ashamed of myself in that moment, and even though I knew they were jerks, I think on a deeper level I thought they were justified and that I deserved the mistreatment. I just wanted to disappear.

Sometime later, when R and I were taking a walk together, we started talking about this other friend of hers. Before grad school, R had lived in a medium-sized southern town, and hung out with a group of women who were mostly lesbians, but also some straight women. But in this southern town, they did kind of stand out. So R was telling me of times they would be walking along the sidewalk, and someone in a car would yell derrogatory slurs for lesbians (or variations on that). And she told me how her friend would yell back at them. 

That literally stopped me in my tracks. WHAT?! She would YELL BACK? It was a major epiphany for me. I had never realized that in those moments I didn't have to let them take my power and my self-worth, and that I could actually instead stand tall and loud and (in whatever words came to me at the time) express my disagreement with them. Honestly, I didn't even think that way of responding was possible - it just never even crossed my mind. So it was a real lightbulb moment for me in learning to not let other people shame me or steal my voice just because I don't look the way they want me to. Not that I'm always awesome at it now, but that was a major turning point and I saw things a lot differently after that.


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## Ruffie (Jun 4, 2010)

Mine was many years ago when I had just first started working at the youth centre I now run. I was/am one of the few white people that worked for this organization, and a young man (who is now my adopted son in the native tradition) really hated us "whities" as he called us. We were standing outside and he started to go off on white people and how we could never understand what first nations(american indians in the us) people have been through. He was saying you white bitch driving a nice car, diamonds on your fingers, big old house just how can YOU relate to us? He was challenging me, testing me and he had the crowd with him till I spoke up. I said "I can't relate really? Gee take one look at me I am fat. I have been discriminated my whole life based simply on my appearance. I have been denied jobs, health care, insurance, attention from men because of my weight. All of you standing here when I first came here to work you thought that because I am fat I would eat more than you guys right? You also thought that I wouldn't play volleyball, floor hockey and basketball with you in the gym, go horseback riding or swim with you right?" There were lots of kids lookng at the ground and saying yes or nodding. SO I got in his face and said "So don't you tell ME that I don't know what it is like to be discriminated against. Maybe its not for the color of my skin, but it is based simply on one look at me as it is for you guys. So yes I can relate to you and can accept you on a person by person basis cause that is how I want to be judged-for the content of my character. " 
I had never till that moment thought of what I faced in relation to anyone elses struggle. Of course its not the same to be marginilized for generations based on ones skin color or race, but that we as fat women have faced being judged and often dismissed cause we are not what others want us to be. The kids I work with face it daily because they do not come from the right socio economic background, are in gangs or been in trouble with the law, have addictions or simply for the color of their skin. I used from that day on the feelings I had as a fat woman and the struggles I faced to have more empathy and its made me a better worker. Most of the kids now call me kohkum(Grandma in cree) as a term of respect and I have 7 kids who have adopted me as their mom so it must be working.


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## Lamia (Jun 5, 2010)

My first lightbulb moment is kind of silly, but it was an eye opener for sure. I had been idolizing these older girls in my school. I wanted to be just like them. I was 8 years old and they were 10 to 12 years old. They wore ankle socks and I wore knee socks. I would try rolling my knee socks down to make them into ankle socks. :blush:

They would all meet in this little alcove during recess and I would position myself next to it so I could listen to their conversations. 

Grease had just come out and they were talking about it. I had seen it and was excited that I was relating an experience they had with one that I had. They were talking about the final scene and what it meant and why Sandy did what she did. One girl said "I was so sad at the part where Sandy didn't know what to do with her cigarette" and all the girls were like "yeah that part was really sad". They all stopped talking and I heard one girl sort of cry and then the others comfort her. It was at the moment that I realized these girls were dumb. It wasn't sad. The scene was just a device to indicate Sandy was out of her comfort zone, but that she was doing it for Danny. It was cute maybe and embarrassing for her, but there was nothing sad about it. 

I realized that just because people were older didnt know they understood the world better than I did. 

I stopped trying to imitate others as a means to be one of the crowd. I pulled up my knee socks and went back to jump rope. I couldn't believe I had wasted valuable jump rope time on these girls. :doh:


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## Vespertine (Jun 5, 2010)

When I read overcoming overeating, it turned the light bulb on that there were many women who struggled with diets like I did, and had similar eating disorders develop because of strict dieting. I'm much happier eating to my appetite now, my weight fluctuates up and down, but I don't have dieting psychosis or a feeling of punishment when I eat healthy, which is a relief and allows me to be much more functional in other parts of my life. It also helped going to a discussion group affiliated with the book when I was in my teens, cos I never, ever ever ate in public before seeing these women whip out their food bags and eat when they felt hungry. 

Great thread!!


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## LovelyLiz (Jun 9, 2010)

So this one is more about body image. I posted a little about it in another thread a while back...but I don't think it was really the place for it...lol. But someone I was chatting with last night thought I should share it again, so here it is.

Anyway, when I was about 19, and in my second year of college, I (like many 19 year old girls, and especially fat ones) hated my body. And I really doubted that I could ever be desired sexually, or that my body could be enjoyed by someone else. Then one night I had this dream (like, a sleeping dream) where I went up in some elevator, and I was naked. And when I got out of the elevator there was another me, also naked - like a naked clone of myself. So I did what I always do when confronted with a naked person in my dreams, I started making out with them. In other words, my naked self was making out with the naked clone of my naked self. It was super vivid, both visually, but especially in terms of textures and physical sensation. To this day I can still remember how it felt to make out with myself, what my body felt like, the softness, etc., because it was really vivid and memorable. It's strong in my sensual memory.

Then when I woke up from that dream I remember thinking, "Wow, that was HOT! Making out with me is awesome." And it clicked for me in a new way in that moment that someone actually could enjoy my body for what it is, and that it could actually be possible for someone to feel lucky to have the chance to make out with me and be naked with me. The possibility of that had never, ever entered my mind before, but after the dream I began to see that it wasn't the impossible thing I'd made it out to be.

It was a very healing dream.


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## Vespertine (Jun 10, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> So I did what I always do when confronted with a naked person in my dreams, I started making out with them.



:bow:



> Then when I woke up from that dream I remember thinking, "Wow, that was HOT! Making out with me is awesome." And it clicked for me in a new way in that moment that someone actually could enjoy my body for what it is, and that it could actually be possible for someone to feel lucky to have the chance to make out with me and be naked with me. The possibility of that had never, ever entered my mind before, but after the dream I began to see that it wasn't the impossible thing I'd made it out to be.
> 
> It was a very healing dream.



I really can't express how much i LOVE this dream. Thank you for sharing it!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 13, 2010)

It happened to me about 18 months ago actually.....

I was in a pizza place with my children. The kids went off to play the video games while I sat at the table waiting for my salad. It took a long time for my salad to arrive and the waitress brought it without silverware or dressing. 
After a couple of foul ups by her, I found myself getting angry. She wouldn't let me get up to get "all the right things I needed to enjoy my food" and I was steaming, effing mad.

Wow. I stepped back from myself that day. Eating disorder monster was rearing it's ugly head again. I realized this and felt so bad....so low....so sad. 
I had worked at my second job earlier that day, wanted to take my kids out and spend some nice family time with them in a family place. I was so fortunate in the grand scheme of the world....and I was off work.....just sitting by myself at a table and I had to get infuriated over lettuce on a plate.

WTF was wrong with me? I felt powerless then. Attempting to calm myself, feeling relieved that I had at least recognized what was happening in my head, I asked myself what was wrong. What was_ really_ bothering me?

I still felt low....and sad....and powerless. It hit me then. It wasn't about food....it was all about me. How I felt like such a fucking failure. How I felt as if I deserved nothing good and that life would always be hard for me in one way or another. 

So.....I went back. To the root. To the past....to the beginning. Where all those feelings originate. 

I then thought of what it was I had been trying to do for the past several years. The counseling, the OA meetings, leaving a bad relationship.....and the forgiveness of others. Holding onto those bad feelings for others only drains you and keeps you stuck in the past.

Gawd....how I wanted to leave the past but there it was with me again....in a fucking plate full of lettuce in front of me. 

Stop it, I told myself. DO IT AGAIN. Don't give up....figure it out. What had I done wrong? 

The forgiveness.....I was holding onto bad feelings. I had forgiven everyone, had I not? Was I still clinging to hatred or pain again? For whom? I went through my list........over and over. Fearful....oh so fearful of having to start all over. 

Ding. It occurred to me. I had _not_ forgiven everyone. I had forgotten someone. Wow.....someone so very important. How could I have done that?

It was me. Me. I had not forgiven myself. The bad feelings and loathing were all about myself. My failures. My past abuses towards others. My very own transgressions. My very own mistakes. How many I had made......

It was the day I forgave the last person. The day that freed me to go on with my life. 

Every day since that moment has gotten fuller, easier and just better. I have not gotten that white hot anger at a waitress ever since. Nor have i gotten that angry at myself since then either.

Life is good.


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## LovelyLiz (Jun 13, 2010)

Thanks for sharing this, GEF. Great story, and important wisdom.

Sometimes its nice when we have some time by ourselves without distractions where we have a moment to really reflect and do what you said - go to the root of things. It's so easy in those moments for me to distract myself instead of doing the reflecting and internal processing necessary to move on from the past and be free. 

Good word, sistah.


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## Ruffie (Jun 23, 2010)

I got another Lightbulb moment the other day from my elder when discussing with her why I have such difficulties with my family relationships. My husbands and my families(with a few exceptions) don't have much to do with us. The do not invite us to family gatherings, have untrue perceptions of us and I have been trying to figure out why that is, deal with the pain of untrue perceptions and how I can change this to have the close blood family I have always desired. 
She said that my gifts and purpose in life is with the young and the future not the past and the old. Therefore I should continue to move forward with my path and focus on the young people that are our future, the family that has chosen me, and forget about those that so not honour or respect all that I am. The young people and the people that do see the real you love and respect you and they should be your focus rather than chasing after those that may never see you in your true light.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 23, 2010)

Ruffie said:


> I got another Lightbulb moment the other day from my elder when discussing with her why I have such difficulties with my family relationships. My husbands and my families(with a few exceptions) don't have much to do with us. The do not invite us to family gatherings, have untrue perceptions of us and I have been trying to figure out why that is, deal with the pain of untrue perceptions and how I can change this to have the close blood family I have always desired.
> She said that my gifts and purpose in life is with the young and the future not the past and the old. Therefore I should continue to move forward with my path and focus on the young people that are our future, the family that has chosen me, and forget about those that so not honour or respect all that I am. The young people and the people that do see the real you love and respect you and they should be your focus rather than chasing after those that may never see you in your true light.



Sounds like some good advice


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## Ruffie (Jun 23, 2010)

Yes it is she is a very wise lady and I have a great support spiritually from her as well as a terrific friend.


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## katherine22 (Jun 24, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> So this one is more about body image. I posted a little about it in another thread a while back...but I don't think it was really the place for it...lol. But someone I was chatting with last night thought I should share it again, so here it is.
> 
> Anyway, when I was about 19, and in my second year of college, I (like many 19 year old girls, and especially fat ones) hated my body. And I really doubted that I could ever be desired sexually, or that my body could be enjoyed by someone else. Then one night I had this dream (like, a sleeping dream) where I went up in some elevator, and I was naked. And when I got out of the elevator there was another me, also naked - like a naked clone of myself. So I did what I always do when confronted with a naked person in my dreams, I started making out with them. In other words, my naked self was making out with the naked clone of my naked self. It was super vivid, both visually, but especially in terms of textures and physical sensation. To this day I can still remember how it felt to make out with myself, what my body felt like, the softness, etc., because it was really vivid and memorable. It's strong in my sensual memory.
> 
> ...




This is an amazing story and an example of how psyche takes care of us in our dreams. I cannot tell you how many times I would wake up from a strong orgasm from a dream. My psyche was taking care to see that I had some sexual release when I felt so hateful of my body.

At peril of sounding cliche, I read somewhere probably in one of those Marianne Williamson books that " a definition of a miracle is a change in perception." A big turn around for me is when I posted some pictures of me on a website for BBW and the next day there were 15 responses. Then I realized that there were some interesting, attractive and intellilgent men who liked big women. I met my current boyfriend of six months on a website. This self-acceptance changed everything. It changed the way I dressed. moved and interacted with others. I decided that I was beautiful and begun to behave the way I thought beautiful women behave. I have never felt more self-accepting and beautiful in my life. My sense of desirability is not predicated on weight. I have met men who wanted me fatter and thinner. I weigh what I want to weigh irrespective of another's opinion.


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## gobettiepurple (Jul 7, 2010)

*Leave it to MCBETH to post an awesome thread!

Yeah, my ah-ha moment [not "Take on me" or anything  Ah-ha humor!] recently. I found a picture of myself from my freshmen year of high school. I was pretty hot back then [and i remember thinking so at the time  ] but I also remembered that throughout my life, my mother had sent us on this dieting rollercoaster where we would punish our bodies because they didnt look like other people's. I looked at this little girl in the photograph - and i know it wasnt her fault that she hated her body so much. it kind of made me sad, because if i would have just loved myself and been okay with my size, then i dont think I would of got as heavy as I did in the past few years.


It made me feel sad, but more importantly I wanted to make myself better. i didnt want to be afraid of food or what it could do to me. I wanted to grab my life back from the brink . . . and I think I am doing a pretty good job at that!*


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## Fat.n.sassy (Jul 17, 2010)

One 'lightbulb' moment for me was when my oldest (now 24) was in elementary school. I had just driven him to school and was walking back to the car when I saw one of his classmates with a wand for 'show & tell'. 

I said how cool I thought her wand was and asked jokingly if she was a wish fairy. She said, "Yes!" Then waved her wand at me. 

She said "Abra cadabra.....you're thin!" She was very pleased and, of course, expected me to be too. 

Quickly thinking, I exclaimed in obviously pretended surprise, "Oh no! Please put it back, put it back! I like myself the way I was!" 

She looked at me like I'd grown another pair of arms! She was staring at me dumbly and I explained, "Everybody is different, we all are unique. My body is meant to look like it was!" 

She sort of half-heartedly waved her wand over me and said "You're back the way you were." I think she assumed I would change my mind. I smiled and exclaimed, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!", patting my belly, arms and hips.

She turned to run into the school, looked back at me to see if I was still smiling, then she smiled and ran in. Hopefully, I planted some seeds of self acceptance.


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## nettie (Jul 17, 2010)

Fat.n.sassy said:


> One 'lightbulb' moment for me was when my oldest (now 24) was in elementary school. I had just driven him to school and was walking back to the car when I saw one of his classmates with a wand for 'show & tell'.
> 
> I said how cool I thought her wand was and asked jokingly if she was a wish fairy. She said, "Yes!" Then waved her wand at me.
> 
> ...



What a beautiful response!

My lightbulb moment came when I'd lost a few pounds and my father was, once again, asking me if I felt happier. I told him no, that HE was the one who was happier when I lost weight and that I had been perfectly happy at my previous weight. And then I realized I wasn't just being a smart-ass. I meant it.


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## Myn (Jul 17, 2010)

This one's kind of a two-parter, so please bear with me.

Back in May, talking to my sister after my mom went back to smoking after another "attempt" to quit, I told her that there had to be something about smoking that mom likes, or she wouldn't do it. And then it occurred to me that I've been saying for years that I intended to lose weight, including the intent to have WLS just like my other sister had. But was I getting off my butt or laying off the cheesecake? 

And then, about a month of calorie tracking and exercising later, I realized three things in the course of one day. One, that I hadn't had a conversation without mentioning food or exercise for some time and I really needed to get a whole lot less obsessed, really quickly. Second, that I don't think my sister who had WLS looks good; I think she looks sick, and her "triumph" of shopping in the juniors department isn't one I want to share. Regular stores as opposed to internet specialty shops, sure. Clothes for tiny girls half my age, not so much. And, third, that the girls in Lo-Rider's Skinny video are more along the lines of what I think is sexy, and what I'd want to look like. All of them are BBWs, and all of them are freaking hot.

Which is what sent me looking at Fat Acceptance sites. I'm going to keep exercising, because I like it and it helps my mood. I'll probably keep track of my calories for a while longer, although I doubt I'll get around to making that low calorie weight loss plan I was intending to - and there's a slice of cheesecake waiting for me in the fridge. If I lose some weight, fine. If I don't, then that's fine, too. 

And I'm never having WLS. I don't need it to become a better person, a happier person, or even a fitter person. My guts are fine the way God made them.


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## Fat.n.sassy (Jul 17, 2010)

nettie said:


> What a beautiful response!
> 
> My lightbulb moment came when I'd lost a few pounds and my father was, once again, asking me if I felt happier. I told him no, that HE was the one who was happier when I lost weight and that I had been perfectly happy at my previous weight. And then I realized I wasn't just being a smart-ass. I meant it.



Yea for you!! (((Hugs)))!


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## PewterBunny (Aug 18, 2010)

I was fat from the time I was about 5 maybe 6 yrs old. Prior to that I was so skinny the neighbours worried about me in the winter time. I dunno what happened...and never really questioned it until my Mom had trouble finding me clothes that fit. I always ended up wearing clothes that were for people 3-4 ages older than me. Thank goodness mom knew how to sew and alter the pants or the sleeves. I vividly remember I was in grade 8, and my Grandmother was staying with us for a while. Mom ordered 2 "pant suits" You know the ones with Polyester pants...they always made you feel like you were wet, scratchy and itchy? One in green for grandma and one in blue for me. Well they arrived, and to my horror...Grandma got the blue one I chose, because the green one we ordered for grandma was too big, but it fit me...not the blue one, that she got to wear. :really sad: Sigh I got teased on a daily basis...which continued all the way through High School. I entered the workforce...and the teasing stopped, but not the looks and stares etc... I met A through a dating website...and we met on Christmas Eve...it was love at first site. He was very cute and Fat as well. We eventually moved in together. One day doing laundry, on my day off and A was at work I felt something in his sock drawer. I pulled it out and found several Copies of Plumpers, and Dimesions and a 3rd magazine that escapes me now. 
WELL....I was exhilarated...Overjoyed...amazed :bow: that there was enough people out there that liked fat women enough to actually put together a magazine. Not just one....THREE of them! And not just Fat like me...really fat...like I could eat what I wanted when I wanted and there were still people out there that would love and admire me!
I layed out all the copies he had stashed away, on the bed. I started with one and looked over every single page...giggled, and was so struck and dumbfounded, I was just so amazed. Copy after copy, page after page...I was so happy.
A came home from work. I waited for him to wander into the bedroom. He found me on the bed with all his copies. It looked like he went GREEN in the face....
I made my voice very stern and acted like I was upset. Put my hands on my hips and said "So what the H*ll do you think you are doing...hiding these in your drawer"? He stumbled and sputtered and never really did get out an audible response in English ha ha ha. I decided to let him off the hook and said "Cause these are Freaking AMAZING!! I never knew there was such a thing!" Well the laundry never did get finished that day... :batting:
But me and A would both check out the magazine racks and pick out a couple now and then.


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## thirtiesgirl (Aug 18, 2010)

Ah, just found this thread, thanks to PewterBunny's bump. I don't think I've had one big lightbulb moment yet in my journey of size- and self-acceptance. It's been a combination of a lot of little moments, for me, mostly reading things that other people have written on the subject in blogs, online communities and books.

For example, this quote from the Fat Lot of Good blog: "When are these people going to realize that shame and self loathing does not encourage people to change their lives? You are not going to make me thin by calling me names and telling me I am lazy, gluttonous slob. If that was the way to thin, I would be Rachel Zoe by now." What I get from this quote, besides the point that fat fearers and haters should shut the hell up, is that I'm also included in the shame and self-loathing. What it tells me is that hating my body, engaging in negative self-talk is not going to change my physicality.

Or this quote from Marianne Kirby over at The Rotund: "If your body is healthy, by your own standards or conventional medical standards, Fat Acceptance is for you. If your body is unhealthy, by your own standards or conventional medical standards, Fat Acceptance is for you. If your body is brown or black or red or yellow or white or any other color, your body deserves dignity. ...YOUR BODY IS JUST FINE THE WAY IT IS. Fat Acceptance isnt about imposing other peoples rules on your body. Whether you practice HAES (Health At Every Size) or not, your body is not evidence of some moral failing. If you are lazy and self-indulgent and whatever other word you can think of to horrify those hard-working Puritans, your body is STILL not evidence of some moral failing."

I return to that quote over and over again when I need to because it reminds me that I'm fine just the way I am. And I still need to be reminded of that on a nearly constant basis, especially if it's going to become part of my inner self-talk and change all those negative patterns I know so well.

Another idea that has had a big impact on me is something that Lesley Kinzel over at her Fatshionista! blog preaches often, which is that fat is neither good or bad, if I can paraphrase her for a moment. Fat just _is_. Being fat is not a moral failing (as Marianne writes), it's not a thing to be judged on as a good or bad person. It just _is_. Which is another thing I need to be reminded of often. Trying, again, to help this become part of my inner dialogue and reach a point where I no longer have doubts.


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## one2one (Nov 28, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Then one night I had this dream (like, a sleeping dream) where I went up in some elevator, and I was naked. And when I got out of the elevator there was another me, also naked - like a naked clone of myself. So I did what I always do when confronted with a naked person in my dreams, I started making out with them. In other words, my naked self was making out with the naked clone of my naked self. It was super vivid, both visually, but especially in terms of textures and physical sensation. To this day I can still remember how it felt to make out with myself, what my body felt like, the softness, etc., because it was really vivid and memorable. It's strong in my sensual memory.
> 
> 
> It was a very healing dream.




I had a very similar dream, without the elevator. In the dream, I walked into my bedroom and realized, as I approached the bed, that someone was already in it. I saw myself, relaxed in the softness of slumber, and was so powerfully drawn to the beauty of my sleeping self that I climbed in bed and started ... well, never mind the details.

It was so startling and profound. The imagery and sensation were greater than anything I remember ever experiencing in a dream. It was very erotic, and I was shocked at myself when I woke up for having had the dream. Until I realized that maybe it had been like a blessing of sorts, and perhaps I had been shown a part of myself that I had never really come close to seeing before that.

I had forgotten all about it until I read your post, and it was like being given a gift to have that experience back, all over again.

Thank you so much!


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 28, 2010)

one2one said:


> I had forgotten all about it until I read your post, and it was like being given a gift to have that experience back, all over again.
> 
> Thank you so much!



Wow, I'm so happy to hear that! And of course, now me reading your post responding to my post reminds me of the dream, and I get to relive that experience too. 

That's kind of awesome that we both had that dream-experience. It totally is a gift and a blessing, you're right.


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## Juice (Nov 28, 2010)

Nice thread! 
When I met my boyfriend I didn't know that he liked bigger women. I liked him from the very first moment but was too embarrassed to even think about it. He was calling me trying to initiate a conversation with me and I thought that he was into one of my friends and just wanted to be friendly with the fat friend. When he invited me for dinner I started realizing that he might truly like me. I then found out that his ex-girlfriend was fat. I felt such an idiot for trying to kill a feeling just because I was so convinced that a tall, athletic man would naturally like a slim athletic woman and not me.


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## PewterBunny (Nov 28, 2010)

I can TOTALLY understand how you feel, I've had the same experience as well, and hopefully a lot of us have had the same feeling with the same outcome...a relationship of some sort after we have come to the realization that YES there are people out there that like us! 
I'm so glad you had that experience...and thanks for sharing!
PB


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## one2one (Dec 5, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> That's kind of awesome that we both had that dream-experience.



I agree ... very cool!


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## 1love_emily (Dec 14, 2010)

I want to thank you all for posting these. 

My biggest fear is that people don't actually like me, and instead, only put up with me. And part of the reason of that fear, I believe, is because I don't feel accepted amongst most of my peers. 

I feel like I'm in my "lightbulb moment" process, if that makes sense. I don't feel like I've fully come to accept my size, but I don't hate myself now like I used to. Even a few weeks ago I was scraping a thumb tack along my wrist in attempts to cut myself without leaving scars. (It didn't work...) I went through diets, I went through it all. I'm going to be me now. 

So thanks. A lot. :happy:


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## LovelyLiz (Oct 20, 2011)

*bump*


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## Lovelyone (Oct 21, 2011)

I've had several uh-huh moments about being super-sized.

The first uh-huh experience came the night that my Dad passed away. Very long story about how I said some things to him the day before that I regret to this day and how I wish that I could take them back. The day that he died I had been invited by him to come over for lunch and that was going to be my opportunity to apologize to him for the things I said on the previous day. When I got to their house, everyone in the house was sleeping and I was perturbed by the fact that they KNEW I was coming over and they weren't awake and waiting for me. I settled myself in and decided to read the newspaper while I waited for them to wake up--but each minute that passed just added to my anger. After about an hour and a half, I said to myself "Eff this. They knew I was coming over and it's so rude for them to not be up and waiting for me." I left in a huff. I went home. My Dad died several hours later without me ever having apologized to him. 
The next day I binge ate all day long. I knew that I was "comfort eating" and I didn't care. I drove to 5 different fast food places and ate whatever I could afford. I probably spent upwards of 140 dollars on junk fast food that day. I sat on my couch eating and crying, eating and crying. I ate myself sick that day and cried myself to sleep that night. When I awoke the next morning (with dried mustard in my hair and catsup on my night shirt) my kitchen and living room were a mess with fast food wrappers, chicken boxes, a pizza box, some 2 liter bottles...a complete mess. It was then that I had my uh-huh moment. I knew I had a problem with food, but it came to light when I saw that mess and realized that I had eaten enough for an entire family (and more) in one night. It took that moment to make the connection to me that I am an emotional eater and that every single time something horrible happened in my life it was food that I turned to. It was almost like a weight was taken off my shoulders to realize that I wasn't "just" a glutton. I was a glutton because of emotional issues. I still have issues like that from time to time, but now I am aware of it and try to control it better.


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## AuntHen (Oct 29, 2011)

One of mine came a few weeks ago...

One of my 4th students told me he was fat with an embarrassed look on his face and I told him "no you are not" (because he wasn't) and then I told him "now, *I* am fat and the world is full of people of all shapes and sizes and I am so happy for that and totally promote it!" I thought he and some of the other students would giggle or protest this but instead his little face lit up with a smile and he/they didn't say another word about it.

I realized I could finally call myself fat without a negative conotation to it. It was freeing and wonderful. Also, like another poster, I felt I had planted a seed with this boy (and other students that heard the conversation).


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## Lovelyone (Nov 1, 2011)

Another light bulb moment came when I went to my first BBW Bash. I had never been to one and didn't really know what to expect from it. I know that I didn't expect the ladies to be self-assured, confident and sexy. After being told for many many years how ugly and unattractive being fat was, I didn't really have much self confidence. It was hard for me to make eye contact with anyone, let alone a man and here I was at a bash designed just for that. Imagine my surprise when I walked into the Stardust and saw all those big gals wearing sexy clothing, flirting, laughing and just plain being something awesome! I remember walking behind two bigger gals on my way to register and they were wearing short-shorts and halter tops and their thighs were jiggling. I thought to myself, "Wow they are brave to wear that. I wouldn't be brave enough to let it all hang out like that."

I went to the pool and about passed out when I saw my first plus sized lady wearing a bikini, but then I looked around and a LOT of the ladies were wearing them--and they were so confident. I remember thinking "OMG I am in over my head. These ladies are WAY more confident than I will ever be. I don't think I belong here." After a few days of hanging around these wonderful and confident ladies I started to feel better about myself and laughed more, even flirted a little.

I'll never forget the first after-hours dance that I attended. Afterward my feet had blisters because I was asked to dance more than I had ever been asked to dance before. Wow, what an ego boost that gave me. I felt like the belle of the ball...and I wore those blisters like a badge of honor. I left that bash with confidence in abundance, my head held high and feeling pretty proud to be an SSBBW because of all the things I learned from my bash "sisters". It took a week of mingling with these strong, confident women in order for me to realize that being fat does not mean that you cannot be sexy and self-assured. Kudos to all of you (both women and man) who helped me come out of my shell that first time. I learned a lot from you.


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## one2one (Jan 4, 2012)

A light bulb moment came for me many years ago during an author event. A friend of mine was really into the work of a well known author who wrote bestsellers about relationships. When I saw he was scheduled to appear at a local bookstore, I suggested we go. I wasn't very interested in his work because when I'd paged through one of his books it seemed kind of trite to me, but she and her husband were both reading him so I thought it would be fun for her to go.

His presentation had even less depth than his books, and I found him kind of condescending when he opened by asking us all to look around at the men in the audience and give them a hand for being there. Even so, at some point I got caught up in the evening, and when we moved on to the sale/signing part of the event I picked up one of his new titles and got in line in front of my friend, let's call her 'M', to have it signed.

It was a quick trip to the front of the line. He was polite but not really chatty with anyone, and within about five minutes I had my book signed, and I stepped aside for M who was next in line. She set her books on the table, he looked up at her, and his entire expression changed in an instant. What happened to him in that moment is a little hard to describe but looked an awful lot like perhaps he had just been hit by a Mack truck, with an living, breathing angel perched on the front bumper as a hood ornament, and he couldn't have been happier to have been struck by a couple tons of moving metal.

Now, M is beautiful in that conventionally accepted sort of way. 5' 11" without shoes, naturally blond, naturally curly hair and a size 4, if that. She briefly (I say this with affection) ballooned up to a size 6 after two kids. I've seen men look at her for as long as I've known her, but never quite like this. Within about 45 second, as he inscribed her books to both her and her husband, he shook (and held longer than necessary) her hand three times. He told her twice how happy he was that she was there, and it looked like he was getting up to come around the table when his assistant leaned over and whispered politely to remind him there were still other people in line. 

I was watching all this and rather proud of myself for waiting until we got out of the shop before I burst out laughing. M had no idea what was so funny, so I said, "You know he was kind of coming onto you, right?" She just thought he was a very nice man. This is her reality.

Later that night at home I settled in to give the book a better look. I opened it, and started reading the introduction. In which he described being hit on by women when he's on the road doing book promotions and going home from one to broach the subject of a semi open relationship with his (I think third) wife. He suggested that if they had this understanding but were discrete about it that no one would be hurt, and she countered his offer with two weeks of tears. It was during this time that the light bulb apparently went off over his head, and he realized that she would be devastated either way.

What I realized is that experts may not know any more than anyone else about how to have relationships. Even if they have related degrees in the subject. They may, in some cases, know less than the average person and simply make a lot of money penning their mishaps as insight.


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## one2one (Oct 19, 2012)

*Bump* required 10 characters


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## 1love_emily (Nov 28, 2012)

I've run into lots of people who say you shouldn't rely on a boy to make you feel worthy.

But it's because of Derek that I do. He's only 21 but has the wisdom of a man much older than him.

We've been in a long-distance relationship for as long as we've been dating. It's been harder on me than him, I think. I'm very extroverted and seek comfort from other people, whereas he is much more of an introvert. So when I'm having a hard time, I often reach out to him to talk. 

One day I was ranting and raving about something that was bugging me (I'm also fairly certain that I was crying, typical me). I told him that I'd understand if he thought that I was too crazy and too broken and I'd understand if he wanted to break up with me. And that's when he said "It's okay Emily. I love you, and I'll always be here for you"

Derek proved to me that my emotions are valid, but also that I am worth sticking around for. I may have low moments (not as many anymore!) but that's just because its a bad moment, people aren't going to abandon me. 

I really love that boy. :wubu:


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## AuntHen (Nov 28, 2012)

1love_emily said:


> I've run into lots of people who say you shouldn't rely on a boy to make you feel worthy.
> 
> But it's because of Derek that I do. He's only 21 but has the wisdom of a man much older than him.
> 
> ...




I am so happy to hear that you are both still together (I was wondering when i saw you had posted again)! 

Cheers to loving and being loved!


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## superodalisque (Jan 8, 2013)

just a little something to brighten somebody's day: 

View attachment 602779_403738613044769_1965006170_n (1).jpg


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