# How to attract big women...



## inlove (Dec 17, 2007)

Hey all, I'm back! The woman I joined up with and I have split up, some time ago, and my life has been re-set at square number one - but I'm ready to be a movin on!

I've met this awesome + size lady, but she can't quite get that I like + size women, and I don't know how to broach it - that I like the way she is and don't want her to have to slim down. I am slim, pregnant, but still fit my normal size clothin. I don't know what size translates ha, I'm a Kiwi 12, about 60kg (see?! tiny!) and it's always come between me and my partners. I'd love to be big, but I just can't do it, lol, I'm too active, have a great metabolism and can't afford new clothes  But it's always there, at parties and things, they feel like I'm ashamed of them or something. And I really hate the way some women are so conscious of their naked bodies - I love their bodies! But they always think I'm saying that just to be nice or sommat, sigh. So what I want your advice on is:

- How to attract big, beautiful women without them thinking I'm just a twig who wants to feel good about herself!
- How to find a woman/learn to recognise when she's comfortable about her body and her weight
- How to deal with all the trickiness I'm in now, like getting them to realise that I like them they way they are, and I'm not skinny just to spite them!
- How to broach the next bit, where we bring food into the bedroom... How the hell do you tell someone you like watching them eat?! Ahh!

And hi again 
PS
For those who don't know, yes, I am gay.


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## Fascinita (Dec 17, 2007)

Hey, well, all you can do is tell them how hot and sexy you find them and the rest is up to them. If you are sincere and vocal about it, and the ladies still don't "get it" that you're into them, you may be fighting a losing battle. I'd suggest moving on to other ladies, until you find the one that likes herself and is receptive to all that good stuff you have to offer. Why should you waste it on women that don't appreciate it?

I think this is a problem for everyone, not just people who date fat people. We're all looking for that great match, and I believe that we are entitled to look until we find it.


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## ashmamma84 (Dec 17, 2007)

Be yourself...I know that might be easier said than done; but start there.

Also, I'd suggest maybe going to gatherings for lesbian/gay women that way at least you would have narrowed down the scope of your interest. There are plenty of plus size women in the life (I happen to be one of them)...I am sure there is someone out there -- get out and enjoy yourself!


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## CodiBrock (Dec 17, 2007)

I wish more woman had the uber confidence and self esteem that I have. 

I'm the type of girl who takes forever to get into the shower, because I spend so much time parading naked in front of the full length mirror. 

One thing I've come to go by (not that this is helpful) is that if (wo)men aren't receptive to what I say to them right off the bat, I won't bother with them. I'm way too extroverted and confident to be able to properly handle a shy, introverted person with low self-esteem. I deserve someone who loves themself as much as I love myself and as much as I love them. 

That really narrows down who I can date, but I'm happier in the end for it. I guess I'd have to say I'm bisexual, so I guess that does open up a bit more of my arena. Although I generally just say I'm a sexual person, rather than gay/straight/bi/etc. I'm young. I change 'shape' more than a plate of jello in an earthquake. Physically, I'm more attracted to other females. However, when it comes to relationships, I prefer males. I'm an extremely lax, laid back tom boy. I just get along better with guys than I do girls. 

I'm not saying that you should suddenly become extremely picky about who you date, but I am saying that if you were to run into a few BBW's who loved themselves, and were totally at ease with their bodies and themselves, you might have better luck. Which is really a crap thing to say, because it's about as productive as telling someone to go to the store and buy Different Food Than They've Been Buying. How do they know which food to go for? What kinds of food are different enough from the ones they've -been- buying, and why are grapes suddenly so expensive? 

Yeah. I don't drink pop, but I've had 3 cans of Mt Dew today. I'm on a bit of a caffeine rush.


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## inlove (Dec 18, 2007)

Do the Dew!

And yeah, I get everything yall are saying, but I mean, is these any magc trick to making someone realise you're speaking the truth?! And like, if I said I like big women to her, I'm worried she'll think it's some fetish, and that I don't actually like her for her (which is so silly, cos I totally do) but you know - I mean, have you ever felt like that? Like that someone just wants to feed 'someone' - it doesn't matter if it's you or not...


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## CodiBrock (Dec 18, 2007)

If only there WERE a magic secret to human interaction! There really isn't. You just have to keep being sincere, don't come on too strongly, and keep with it if you're serious about pursuing something with this woman. I wish you the best of luck, though. ^_^ Maybe if you two develop a good friendship (Not sure where you're at with each other right now), you can have a nice open discussion and explain just how you're feeling? That you just find her very attractive, inside -and- out, and want to get closer to her, and that it's not just a fetish.


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## inlove (Dec 18, 2007)

Hmm... This is kinda similar to the 'Does he have to be a FA?' thread innit? But I hate abbreviations, ha!

Yep, we've slept with each other and I sure as hope she knows I think she's gorgeous, but she was very shy about her body, and I haven't seen her naked (and don't know if I ever will). Which is a crying shame! And she keeps talking about the gym and that, like she thinks she has to justify her weight or something 

I mean, if she isn't happy in herself I could understand, but around her friends and that she is totally relaxed about it... Ahh girls! So confusing!!!


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## CodiBrock (Dec 18, 2007)

Yeah, us women folk are about as complex as it's possible to be. If you've already slept together, then just try (like I said previously) openly and honestly talking to her. Keep on it until she understands where you're coming from. I have so many cliche cheesy conversations with my boyfriend about how I'm feeling, but it keeps us knowing what the other is going through at the moment.


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## metatroncubed (Dec 18, 2007)

lets see how...hummm well I suppose talking aways helps and not just dribble ya gotta use some verbs and nouns like hello and how are you? 
next umm well In truth I have'nt really gotten past the talking and listening asking out for coffee or a date I'm sorry but I'm still working on the whole rejection factor hurtle


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## ZainTheInsane (Dec 18, 2007)

I don't know about attractive bbws...

but I have heard that there is an age old way you could use to try to get a lovely girl. 

Here it is:

Ancient Caveman Method of Finding a Mate
1) Find pretty girl
2) Get/Take/Find club
3) Hit pretty girl over head
4) Drag pretty girl by hair back to cave
5) Let pretty girl regain consciousness
6) Repeat steps 3-5 until girl accepts your love
7) Make lots of Cavebabies



Anyway, honestly, just follow this motto, and you'll find someone...I would almost promise it 

Motto: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind." ~Dr. Suess


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## The Orange Mage (Dec 18, 2007)

ZainTheInsane said:


> Ancient Caveman Method of Finding a Mate
> 1) Find pretty girl
> 2) Get/Take/Find club
> 3) Hit pretty girl over head
> ...



Ladies, sometimes this works well with men.


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## ZainTheInsane (Dec 18, 2007)

The Orange Mage said:


> Ladies, sometimes this works well with men.



'Tis true! Sometimes it works BETTER with men, than with women !


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## FatAndProud (Dec 18, 2007)

one can attract me with pizza, milkshakes, and lots of food


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## Tad (Dec 18, 2007)

inlove said:


> Hmm... This is kinda similar to the 'Does he have to be a FA?' thread innit? But I hate abbreviations, ha!
> 
> Yep, we've slept with each other and I sure as hope she knows I think she's gorgeous, but she was very shy about her body, and I haven't seen her naked (and don't know if I ever will). Which is a crying shame! And she keeps talking about the gym and that, like she thinks she has to justify her weight or something
> 
> I mean, if she isn't happy in herself I could understand, but around her friends and that she is totally relaxed about it... Ahh girls! So confusing!!!



I'm going to give you basically the same advice I give guys trying to convince BBW that they are attractive.

1) Show, don't tell. Hug her in public (at least in a gay safe place), buy her some clothes that you think she'd look cute in (or haul her out shopping for the same), buy her/make her a really decadent meal, and tell her no ruining it by diet talk, come up behind her and trace the curve of her hips with your hands while kissing the back of her neck and making appreciative noises, when she bends over to pick something up let her 'catch' you appreciating the view.

2) When you do tell, be specific. "I love the curve of your hips" "I love digging my fingers into your back side" "I love the fullness of your thighs, how round, soft, yet strong they are" and so on.

3) Go a little over the top on the moon-eyed in love/lust bit. Write an ode to looks, not skipping her double chin or her tummy. Stop her just before she finishes dressing, and say you want a minute just to soak her in with your eyes. Convince her to let you give her a bath, where she lies back and you lovingly wash every centimetre, roll, and dimple on her body.

It is not at all magic. More like a siege, where eventually refusing to believe that you find her so attractive is more work that adjusting her world view to allow for this. Of course, afterwards she'll probably just think you a benign nut-case that she's been lucky to run into, and keep the same general opinion of her body as she always had, but you can only do what you can do.

Good luck!


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## Wagimawr (Dec 18, 2007)

edx said:


> Of course, afterwards she'll probably just think you a benign nut-case that she's been lucky to run into, and keep the same general opinion of her body as she always had, but you can only do what you can do.


How uplifting!


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## Tad (Dec 18, 2007)

Wagimawr said:


> How uplifting!



Sadly, I'm pretty serious. What you can reasonably expect to do is convince someone else that you really do see things a certain way. What you cannot plan on succeeding at is changing how someone else generally sees things. You might occasionally succeed, but just go to Hyde Park if you want to see how often people are persuaded to change firmly held views.


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 18, 2007)

edx said:


> I'm going to give you basically the same advice I give guys trying to convince BBW that they are attractive.
> 
> 1) Show, don't tell. Hug her in public (at least in a gay safe place), buy her some clothes that you think she'd look cute in (or haul her out shopping for the same), buy her/make her a really decadent meal, and tell her no ruining it by diet talk, come up behind her and trace the curve of her hips with your hands while kissing the back of her neck and making appreciative noises, when she bends over to pick something up let her 'catch' you appreciating the view.
> 
> ...




Sigh. :smitten:

Ed, will you marry me?


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## mossystate (Dec 18, 2007)

Ashmamma said it best.............be yourself

I mean, not a bad thing at all to get input and pick and choose, but, if this woman is a little skittish on the whole accepting that you like fat women, and she sees you go over the top...eh...my radar might kick into high gear and I would just find it...too much..and not in a good way.

So, maybe a middle ground....good luck..


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 18, 2007)

1). Raw pork, and lots of it
2). A string, and a very big box (no, not *that* kind of box ... she's mind-numbingly straight)
3). If all else fails, break out the big guns to get her in the mood: Nudie pics of Paul Reubens.


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## mossystate (Dec 18, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> 1). Raw pork, and lots of it
> 2). A string, and a very big box (no, not *that* kind of box ... she's mind-numbingly straight)
> 3). If all else fails, break out the big guns to get her in the mood: Nudie pics of Paul Reubens.



bwahahahahahha!


and..as for the mind-numbingly anything...still waters, you blatant whore...now...let's not have you derail another thread....oh, and, I was the ticket taker at that theater..I don't need pictures..


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## RedVelvet (Dec 18, 2007)

mossystate said:


> and..as for the mind-numbingly anything...*still waters, you blatant whore*...now...let's not have you derail another thread....oh, and, I was the ticket taker at that theater..I don't need pictures..




You know..if this were a movie these kinds of conversations would mean the two of you would end up nekkid and in bed for certains....


heh.


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 18, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> You know..if this were a movie these kinds of conversations would mean the two of you would end up nekkid and in bed for certains....
> 
> 
> heh.



If wishes were horses ... sigh.


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## mossystate (Dec 18, 2007)

Hay Hay Hay!!!!


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 18, 2007)

mossystate said:


> Hay Hay Hay!!!!



Are you calling me a horse, you one-trick pony? Don't MAKE me beat you again, Mossy. I'm just *lookin*' for a reason.


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## inlove (Dec 18, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> 1). Raw pork, and lots of it
> 2). A string, and a very big box (no, not *that* kind of box ... she's mind-numbingly straight)
> 3). If all else fails, break out the big guns to get her in the mood: Nudie pics of Paul Reubens.



String and pork? Is that like, felching or something?


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 18, 2007)

inlove said:


> String and pork? Is that like, felching or something?



Dear Sir or Madam,
I believe that is a question best left answered by Mossystate. I therefore respectfully decline to provide an opinion.


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## RedVelvet (Dec 18, 2007)

inlove said:


> String and pork? Is that like, felching or something?




Felching: Worlds most grotesque Imaginary Sexual Practice.


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## Tina (Dec 18, 2007)

Inlove, when you say plus-size, just how big is she?


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## inlove (Dec 18, 2007)

Unfortunately Red Velvet, it's not imaginary, and yes it is the most disgusting thing ever. I just didn't understand the whole pork n box post...

And Tina, I don't really know. She's an apple shape (my first! I'm normally a pear girl...) but she'd be well over twice my weight (even tho I'm pregnant) - I don't know how many pounds. In kilos maybe 130ish? It's hard to judge as I suspect quite a bit is probably muscle - she's really strong! - and so she might weigh more. But weight is so hard to judge, my sister and I weigh the same and yet she's a stick! My girl _looks_ big. She wears men's t-shirts that stretch tight over her belly 

Just out of curiosity, why do ya wanna know?


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## Santaclear (Dec 18, 2007)

If you want to attract big women, you'll have to put out some bait.

TraciJo's idea of pork is good, but what do you do once the high wears off?


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## Tina (Dec 18, 2007)

I'm asking because a good start, if you can, might be to take her to a museum where there is a showing of artists that like the fleshy models, whether they be old masters or not. The further away from that body type she is, the less it might work, but maybe not.

Thing is, when societal standards of beauty change, that never negates the beauty that was, and still is, there. The only thing that changes is what business and advertisers, then the media, want people to see as beautiful.

Once there was a time when the women most prized by society were fleshy, fat and soft. Now, for a couple of decades we have had the term "Social X-Rays," for very, very thin society women, and for too long, 'discipline' in eating to be thin and working out are prized by society and those who would, and do, make money from it.

You can tell her all day long that she is the most gloriously beautiful woman walking the Earth. Unless she is ready and willing to hear it, she will not, though don't stop just because you feel it doesn't matter. Some part of her likely hears and embraces it, but it is a whisper compared to the roar that is the constant barrage of advertising that tells us women how we should look, and what kind of, thin, bodies we should have.

It's a process. I finally willfully started changing the way I saw myself about fifteen years ago, because I was sick of hating my body. But if you can expose her to art images of women who look like her, depicted lovingly and admiringly, while maybe bringing up how society's standards of womanly beauty change, and how those changes do not negate that beauty, it likely wouldn't hurt. It might actually be the start of something -- if nothing else, maybe an interesting and enlightening conversation.


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## inlove (Dec 18, 2007)

Yall are too smart! I'm totally stealing these ideas...

We come from NZ and there's some amazing art here, hell, my flatties are artists and paint people of all shapes and sizes! I never even thought about that before, genius!

Anyway, I'm off to watch the Vicar of Dibbley. Have a good day guys


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## Fascinita (Dec 18, 2007)

FatAndProud said:


> one can attract me with pizza, milkshakes, and lots of food



Hear, hear! Vegetarian pad thai and soyshakes for me!


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## RedVelvet (Dec 18, 2007)

inlove said:


> Unfortunately Red Velvet, it's not imaginary, and yes it is the most disgusting thing ever.




Wow...you must run in some pretty bizarre circles....I mean....that phrase "felching as Imaginary Sexual Practice"..... I...actually got from Susie Bright, the sex writer?....(who I figured would know that more than most).....when I was lucky enough to meet her at a party....so..I am rather surprised to hear that.

oookaaaay.


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## mossystate (Dec 18, 2007)

Ummmm..my sister had a friend...friend told us a tale...we were all tipsy...the friend had had a boyfriend..he liked to........partake.....alrighty. Perhaps it is not widely adored..but......ok, ok, I need a happy thought.


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## inlove (Dec 21, 2007)

Impressive, from dating tips to felching debate. What a thread!

And you shouldn't use pork (to attract someone) what if she's Jewish?! Lactose free milkshake methinks...


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## DoctorBreen (Dec 23, 2007)

Good food and lots of love.


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## sweet&fat (Dec 23, 2007)

DoctorBreen said:


> Good food and lots of love.



I second that. Especially if good red wine and chocolate are involved. :eat2:


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## DoctorBreen (Dec 25, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> I second that. Especially if good red wine and chocolate are involved. :eat2:



Any tasty food. :eat2:


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## pat70327 (Dec 25, 2007)

sweet&fat said:


> I second that. Especially if good red wine and chocolate are involved. :eat2:



I gotta agree, you need some good food and something nice to drink, and then more food, and then a lot more to drink, then who knows what ?


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## Tooz (Dec 25, 2007)

Well, for me...

Be intelligent, well spoken. Be dapper, I don't have time for crappy clothes! I don't care if that's shallow-- nothing is hotter than a man who dresses in a way I prefer. Don't be one of those fatty chasers who is like ... obsessed and drooling over every fatty ever. That's just not attractive.

Like music I like, and be confident. If you want to kiss me or something, do it! If I don't like it, you'll know.

That is all I can think of right now!


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## pat70327 (Dec 25, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Well, for me...
> 
> Be intelligent, well spoken. Be dapper, I don't have time for crappy clothes! I don't care if that's shallow-- nothing is hotter than a man who dresses in a way I prefer. Don't be one of those fatty chasers who is like ... obsessed and drooling over every fatty ever. That's just not attractive.
> 
> ...



Tooz, Your soooo SHALLOW  


just kidding   i gotta agree with that, dont go out on a date (or just to meet them) dressed in shitty/very unstylish clothing


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## inlove (Dec 29, 2007)

Gosh, I'd never think of going on a date looking like a slob - regardless of what the other person looked like! Hmm. She's not a big eater... (I eat more than her) so maybe not 'bait'? Lol!


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