# Folks whose desires are firmly tied into FA-ness, have you had crushes on slim folks?



## gythaogg (Nov 6, 2014)

I was talking to a friend the other day about how a lot of people really don't have a definite physical "type" to whom they are attracted. I know some people here are like that, and they happen to have broad or mutable tastes that transform from relationship to relationship. But for those of us who are pretty ... focused in our desires/preferences, I'm curious. Do you ever find yourselves developing romantic or mushy feelings for people who don't fit your tastes in terms of sexual attraction? How have you responded to those feelings?


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## Tad (Nov 6, 2014)

This would be me. I've always had a thing for fat, and when puberty hit and I first really felt sexual attraction it was not only to the chubbiest girl in our class, it was very clearly and specifically associated with her being fat. As I started fantasizing, they almost always had components of fat in there somewhere.

But, I had crushes on thin girls, including one pretty long one that I really thought was going to turn into something (but then we moved). For that matter my wife was pretty thin when we met, although there was always something about her that made me feel she wasn't destined to stay that way, so I don't really count that as a non-fat related attraction. Heck, even after I was very happily married I occasionally encountered a pretty thin woman that would set my heart racing for whatever reason.

As for what I did about it? Enjoyed it? That is, I let myself feel that attraction and enjoy the rush that comes with it, but except for that one where my family moved away, I never tried to make anything come of it. It was all sort of "I'm attracted, she is interesting, but...... I think I'd be unhappy in the long run without some fat in my life. So I should hold off until I feel this way about someone where fat can be part of it."


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## fuelingfire (Nov 6, 2014)

Well yes, but it's attraction to their personality, rather than looks. It also depends on how thin we are talking. I personally dislike seeing a six pack on women, the same with looking boney. 
For the true sparks, they have all been bbws. End of story.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Nov 6, 2014)

I'm with Tad on this one. Thin women are just as beautiful as fat ones, only in a different way. For me, beauty trumps size.


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## Jon Blaze (Nov 6, 2014)

I've identified as bisizual for a long time. I still prefer bigger women in most cases, but there are many thin women I have been attracted to. The big women tier of my preferences starts at chubby as well, and shape is becoming an increasingly important facet of my preferences. Physical attraction, romance, and relationships are complicated. I'm sure most of us have a pattern to what we are attracted to (some more pronounced than others), but the totality of another person may prove interesting sometimes. It's logical for things unrelated to physical preferences to shine more in someone I wouldn't normally be attracted to, but there are enough _exceptions_ for me to acknowledge a potential relationship with someone thin. 

Less than half of what I look for in a relationship is physical. It's highly unlikely for me (or anyone for that matter) to meet two people of a different size whom they consider equal on all other levels. That's when things get complicated and debatable. In that theoretical scenario I would likely be more interested in the bigger woman, but life is never that simple.


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## phelan4022 (Nov 7, 2014)

As someone who is demisexual in addition to being an FA, for me to have a sexual attraction crush is something that only exists within the dynamic matrix of a developing relationship. Intellectual crushes are another thing entirely. While our flesh is the vessel for our souls, it is the soul, the mind, the light that flashes behind the eyes, that draws me the most. I just recently had a lovely time at a party with a thin woman, discussing intellect topics. She is societally attractive and a redhead, which is something I have always liked, but it was costume party at my house for Samhain and she was dressed as Hermione. Nerdiness is terrifically attractive. Do I have any sexual desire for her whatsoever, no, but I still enjoyed my time that evening chatting with her. I have likewise had similar "crushes," to use the colloquialism, but they take on this different, and very platonic form for me.


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## loopytheone (Nov 7, 2014)

I've always thought this is an interesting but kinda difficult topic. For me, I don't really know for sure what I would consider a crush as I am asexual/grey-a. I know that there are some thin guys that I think are adorable and I crave their attention in a special way but I am attracted to them as a whole person. Whenever I talk about liking guys like this to my other FA friends they are always like 'can you imagine them gaining weight, that must be such a hot thought to you' but honestly, it isn't really. I would accept it if it happened but I like them and find them adorable just the way they are. I know I really like looking at bigger guys though, and if I was to pick a body type that I found most attractive it would definitely be SSBHM. That is what I gravitate towards but like everybody else has said, personality is so, so important. I don't find all BHM attractive and I don't find all slim guys unattractive but that is due to their personality rather than appearance.


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## agouderia (Nov 7, 2014)

It depends on how you define 'slim' for me. 
For as long as I can remember, I've always visually and physically preferred men who were powerfully built, strong, hunky, beefy (but please no bodybuilder muscles, I want meat) - it doesn't always have to be outright fat. 
The one time I dated a skinny guy - mainly because he wore me down with his insistent pursuit - it was a total disaster, also on the physical side.

The older I get, the less tolerance I have for all the thin, lean, skinny, guys, metrosexual guys that the world tries to sell off as 'attractive'. Often I can't take them seriously as men; they're more like life-size Ken dolls. It goes all the way to physical repulsion and a deep sense of distrust.

Aside from the actual physical attraction, what is visually important for me is that people's features and physical characteristics are harmonious, complement each other well. Some people look better thinner, some people are much more attractive fat, and others can pull off all sizes very well (... and then there is the category of those who are simply unattractive, not matter what, mainly because there is some total imbalance in their features).


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## Amaranthine (Nov 7, 2014)

I've definitely gotten huge crushes on thin men, which lead to dating them. Granted, it was never a good idea. I'm demi-sexual to the point where _really_ liking someone can make me outrageously turned on...but this level of infatuation is naturally going to die down in a relationship (especially if the relationship goes sour, which is what I have encountered.). At which point I have a lot of trouble feeling comfortable with anything physical and it undoubtedly helps ruin the relationship. It shuts me down to the point where I have no sexual inclination at all. When I first started dating, I had the strange problem of being aroused around my thin boyfriend, but still not wanting to touch him 

Without personality being factored in, I'm not at all attracted to thin men. And men who are reasonably in shape straight up turn me off. I've never dated a guy who would be considered muscular in any respect. Oddly, my one friends-with-benefits was thin; but he was also an ex, so I liked his personality. He was outrageously kinky and very awkward (meaning I didn't have to deal with it feeling intimate. Minimal touching/kissing), which made it work. Like a fetishistic flesh dildo.

I'm pretty sure I've just come to accept that I won't be happy in a long-term relationship unless my partner is fat, or if it's completely asexual. Heavy preference to the former.


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## landshark (Nov 7, 2014)

I've dated a lot of different body types. I can appreciate just about every shape and size, though I definitely prefer big butts, and soft bellies. If I can get big boobs with that then I am a lucky guy! My wife has all of that, so I guess you can consider me lucky!

I thought my wife was perfect when she was at her peak weight. If I had posted a pic here of her at her peak weight, a lot of the men of Dims would have gone crazy! And I did as well. She has lost a lot of weight, but maintained her same basic shape. I am very excited for her, and now that it is done I would never want her to go back. (Unless she spontaneously decides for herself to work her way back up to ~335 pounds again! ) Oh, and to be clear, I think she's perfect now, too.

Having said that, I think part of me will always prefer big women. My wife and I discussed this once in relation to her weight. She asked a hypothetical: what if I had to start all over? Would I go after a BBW or a more lean woman? I said I would not rule out anyone based solely on weight, but that if I had a choice between two women whose personalities complemented my own equally, and I generally found attractive both their faces, bodies, shapes, etc, and one was lean and the other was, say, 345 or so pounds, I'd probably choose the bigger girl. 

In other words, all things being equal, my first choice is a to be with a fat woman.


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## GunnerFA (Nov 9, 2014)

happily_married said:


> In other words, all things being equal, my first choice is a to be with a fat woman.



This right here. 

As for the OP's question, there are a few girls that I'm currently interested in and only one of them is remotely chubby. I still consider them physically attractive with a personality to match. So it's not like I wouldn't like to start dating one of them just because they aren't fat.


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## Jah (Nov 24, 2014)

I've had crushes on thin guys but it usually because of other preferences like them having tattoos or because of their personality. Luckily I'm married to a BHM that has all my preferences, although I could have a successful relationship with someone just based on being attracted to their personality.


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## Azrael (Nov 24, 2014)

Yep, have had crushes on people who were thin and were romantically attracted to them but felt nothing sexually for them.

I've also had an occasional physical thing for someone not fat but it's rather rare (once every 5 years maybe?) that its a non entity for the most part.


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## KHayes666 (Nov 26, 2014)

Give me a fat girl with a huge butt, a big belly and a bad attitude and give me a thin girl who's into the same movies, video games, music tastes and I'm choosing the thin girl everytime. Physical attraction can only go so far, its what you do after/before sex that makes a relationship.


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## ScreamingChicken (Nov 26, 2014)

khayes666 said:


> give me a fat girl with a huge butt, a big belly and a bad attitude and give me a thin girl who's into the same movies, video games, music tastes and i'm choosing the thin girl everytime. Physical attraction can only go so far, its what you do after/before sex that makes a relationship.



truth!!!!!


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## Jah (Nov 26, 2014)

KHayes666 said:


> Give me a fat girl with a huge butt, a big belly and a bad attitude and give me a thin girl who's into the same movies, video games, music tastes and I'm choosing the thin girl everytime. Physical attraction can only go so far, its what you do after/before sex that makes a relationship.


This is very well said! I agree.


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## gutlover (Dec 1, 2014)

There's one woman that I'm crazy about. She's really pretty, small and thin. I don't know why but I want to be with her so badly. This coming from a guy that is attracted to women 5'9+ and 350 lbs +. It's got to be something chemical when we're near each other.


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## Highsteppa (Dec 2, 2014)

I've dated and had a relationship with a few thin girls, but they usually had to offer something above and beyond in the way of personality in order for them to get my attention. Like I've said previously, confidence can go a long way with me.


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## Fat Molly (Dec 6, 2014)

I had an ex who was delusional about his weight, like legit his OKC profile described himself as slender and who was instead charmingly plump when we met up (he ended up dating another FA after me as well who wasn't afraid to tell him, lol, and he started taking up exercise). 

I myself have never dated someone who could be classified as underweight, even though my first literary crushes were all incredibly bony men - Sherlock Holmes, Severus Snape, the Phantom of the Opera. Granted I wrote fanfic about them falling in love and getting fat - that was my schtick. I've had crushes on a handful of bony-thin people in my life, but as far as who has actually worked out, they've always been bigger. 

Admittedly once before knowing I was poly, I had crushes on two boys at once - they were friends, and one of whom was nice and squishy, the other of whom was bony. I felt compelled to choose between them because monogamy of course. Of the two, the only one I came close to having a relationship with was the squishy one. Mrawr. 

And.... yeah, I definitely can appreciate beautiful people of all gender identities who are thin, fat, somewhere in between. Time will show whether or not my preference will always dictate who I'm with. Ultimately personality plays a huge role.


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## bigmac (Dec 7, 2014)

I've never really dated a thin a girl. I've encountered thin girls I've found sexually appealing but they've never shown any interest in me as a romantic partner.

I once read that choosing a girl friend is like choosing a puppy -- pick the one who likes you best. Fat women seem to like me -- and I like them -- so things worked out.


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## wildandfree (Dec 11, 2014)

Yes, I agree with having intellectual crushes! The only lean man I ever dated happened right after I split with my bhm partner of 8 years. I dated the other thin guy for over a year, and I am now sure that the main attraction was based on the fact that he was opposite of my ex. I was so emotionally traumatized by my past relationship that I tipped the scale in the complete opposite direction in order to regain balance in my inner state. The longer the relationship with Mr. Skinny went on though, the less and less physical attractions I had. And although I really loved and respected him in so many ways, I ended it, as I was ready to pursue a relationship with someone who was mentally and physically more what I needed and desired . I am so thankful to the lean man that helped me rebuild my heart. But to be honest to myself, I know I could never date thin again. It isn't satisfying to my sexual needs.


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## luckyfa (Aug 16, 2021)

I would think of myself as a fat admirer through and through but this didn‘t prevent me from having crushes on women who weighed half as much as my wife or less, from early adulthood. I know that I am somewhat into contrasts (this is why I am lean and my wife‘s fat) and not attracted by the middle ground. In a woman, the BMI has either to be lower than 20 or greater than 40, to put numbers on it. 

These crushes have never morphed into something serious (luckily) and my infatuation might even have been unrelated to weight. They just happened to be thin and something else was at play, some of the time at least.

That said, I‘ve also had crushes on women who are considerably fatter than my wife. Jaw-dropping crushes I have never experienced with lean women, no matter how conventionally attractive.

It all boils down to the fact that women are wonderful and beautiful beings. So never having any crushes would be a miracle from an evolutionary point of view. We - men in this case - don‘t have to act on them.


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## mathfa (Aug 16, 2021)

That's interesting that you bring up your BMI preference there. There was a study awhile back that showed that self-identified FAs actually have more attraction to underweight women than do the general population. I found that interesting, and pretty obvious evidence that once you are freed from societal ideals of attractiveness, a much wider variety of bodies are attractive.


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## luckyfa (Aug 17, 2021)

mathfa said:


> There was a study awhile back that showed that self-identified FAs actually have more attraction to underweight women than do the general population



Interesting. Thanks for sharing this piece of information. I’ve noticed that women who have a normal BMI at the lower end or are even slightly underweight have to endure more open body shaming than truly fat women.


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## DazzlingAnna (Aug 17, 2021)

luckyfa said:


> Interesting. Thanks for sharing this piece of information. I’ve noticed that women who have a normal BMI at the lower end or are even slightly underweight have to endure more open body shaming than truly fat women.



Sorry for being off topic:

Strong claim here.
Question: any scientific sources/reseaches for the point of who 'is enduring more open body shaming'?

It isn't a competition and no one should be assaulted by their appearance thin, fat, tall, short or whatever.

I am honestly interested in any scientific reseaches on this topic.


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## littlefairywren (Aug 17, 2021)

luckyfa said:


> Interesting. Thanks for sharing this piece of information. I’ve noticed that women who have a normal BMI at the lower end or are even slightly underweight have to endure more open body shaming than truly fat women.



No intention to derail the thread, but as a fat woman I disagree with the above statement wholeheartedly. I've female friends of all sizes, and included in that are many fat "sisters," and I hear their fat shaming stories on a regular basis. I have plenty of my own. On the other hand, my thinner "sisters," rarely complain about being shamed for being slightly underweight or on the lower end of the BMI scale.
I've yet to hear a "normal" sized woman say that they've - been spat at, or used as a target for verbal or physical abuse being hurled from a car (I've had a full can of drink thrown at me from a passing car full of grown ass men as they screamed fatty), been refused decent service in a clothing store, had people giving you the once over and remarking within ear shot that you're not worth f**king because "look at the size of that arse," been refused a job regardless of qualifications because you're too fat to sit at a desk and answer phones. I could go on, but I'm getting too riled up now. 

I'm sure you get the picture though.

As for the original poster's question...yes I have had crushes on slim folks.


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## luckyfa (Aug 18, 2021)

DazzlingAnna said:


> Sorry for being off topic:
> 
> Strong claim here.
> Question: any scientific sources/reseaches for the point of who 'is enduring more open body shaming'?
> ...



I said „I‘ve noticed“ so it‘s a mere subjective observation. I doubt that there is any reliable scientific research anyway.

And you‘re right, it certainly isn‘t a competition


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## luckyfa (Aug 18, 2021)

littlefairywren said:


> No intention to derail the thread, but as a fat woman I disagree with the above statement wholeheartedly. I've female friends of all sizes, and included in that are many fat "sisters," and I hear their fat shaming stories on a regular basis. I have plenty of my own. On the other hand, my thinner "sisters," rarely complain about being shamed for being slightly underweight or on the lower end of the BMI scale.
> I've yet to hear a "normal" sized woman say that they've - been spat at, or used as a target for verbal or physical abuse being hurled from a car (I've had a full can of drink thrown at me from a passing car full of grown ass men as they screamed fatty), been refused decent service in a clothing store, had people giving you the once over and remarking within ear shot that you're not worth f**king because "look at the size of that arse," been refused a job regardless of qualifications because you're too fat to sit at a desk and answer phones. I could go on, but I'm getting too riled up now.
> 
> I'm sure you get the picture though.
> ...



As I replied to Anna, I wrote „I‘ve noticed“ so this is a subjective observation. Some of the thin body shamed women I know suffer silently. But either way, it‘s a subjective observation without any claim to absolute truth. Neither my wife nor our bigger friends (she‘s the biggest of them) can relate to the experiences you mention. That‘s not to insinuate that any of those experiences are false.


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## Shotha (Aug 18, 2021)

I'm only attracted to fat guys. I dated a slim guy once. It didn't work. I allowed myself to be badgered into dating him. People thought that it would cure my obsession with fat guys. It just confirmed to me that I was not attracted to thin guys at all. There are lots of slim guys that I think are good-looking but I don't have any desire to be naughty with them.


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## littlefairywren (Aug 18, 2021)

luckyfa said:


> As I replied to Anna, I wrote „I‘ve noticed“ so this is a subjective observation. Some of the thin body shamed women I know suffer silently. But either way, it‘s a subjective observation without any claim to absolute truth. Neither my wife nor our bigger friends (she‘s the biggest of them) can relate to the experiences you mention. That‘s not to insinuate that any of those experiences are false.


All I can say to this, is that your wife and your bigger friends are exceedingly lucky to not be able to relate to anything that I've mentioned. I can tell you though, I have experienced most that I wrote of and more, and that at 5ft tall and with a BMI of around 55, it is something that I'm conscious of when moving about in the outside world. Whether it be a constant blatant stare in my direction, people snickering, or something more overt, it happens.


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## JoeBananas (Aug 18, 2021)

Yes. "Hold me closer, tiny dancer." And female bodybuilders. SIGH


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## luckyfa (Aug 19, 2021)

littlefairywren said:


> All I can say to this, is that your wife and your bigger friends are exceedingly lucky to not be able to relate to anything that I've mentioned



I fully agree with you.


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