# It is kind of creepy, but have you done it?



## Kenster102.5 (Sep 14, 2010)

I myself am just starting my first week of college, I am taking a 4 year Computer and Communications Networking course at Centennial College.

Even though it has been the first 2 days, I had somewhat put it in the back of my mind that I would try and get someone during these 4 years, since there wasn't anyone who really interested me in HS, nor did I want the haggling by people I had become friends with, and I had gone through a silly rejection but with a thin chick, who I can now say wasn't really my type.

Point is, being a Computer related course, there isn't anyone I can really see that I am interested in, and even so they are mostly the shy type in my class, and have a lot of language barrier between them, not to discriminate against diversity. 

I myself have been looking around and have noticed, there are a lot more hot looking girls in the hallways as I walk through. But hey lucky me, I don't know them, and probably will not cross paths.


Not that I have yet the courage to go up and just say "Hey your really sexy to me, and I am not making fun of you because, I like fat chicks", and yes I have read where this could cause a lot of social and mental anguish if you aren't careful. But I can easily get into conversations with random people, it is just something about me and my mom that causes people to come up and talk to us.


The question and discussion is really about, have you ever gone up to someone random that you really thought was interesting/hot and just started talking to them, what was the outcome, did you ever try again with that same person or with some other random person.


Thanks
Ken


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## vardon_grip (Sep 14, 2010)

I think you need to take a deep breath and step back a little. Rome wasn't built in 2 days and you don't need to be the architect. 

You say that there are a lot of good looking girls that you won't cross paths with. You had to cross paths with them to see them in the first place and will possibly continue to do so throughout the term. You aren't required to talking only to people in your classes or only people from your school for that matter. Don't limit yourself and try to remain positive.

If you can get into random conversations with anybody then I would suggest that the conversation not be about how "sexy" they are and that you like "fat chicks". At least, not at first and not with a random stranger. That kind of talk is random to them and the stranger who says that stuff can be a little creepy. (Then again, if you happen to meet the right person, it could fly.) 

Why not just say hello and just talk to the girl? Use your gift of conversation to make a new friend instead of worrying about "getting someone". You just started school, give yourself some time to get acquainted with the place and the people. There are many ways to talk to girls without being creepy and all of them go better when you aren't worried about getting with them. (Also, unless your mom doubles as your wingman, try to leave reference of her out of your general conversation) 

Lastly, to answer your question...yes, I have gone up to a lot of people that I thought were interesting and said hello. Some ended with a short conversation and a goodbye, some ended with numbers exchanged, some started a friendship, some started a relationship and a few ended in bed.


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## FatAndProud (Sep 15, 2010)

College is where you meet long-term friends. I wouldn't worry about hooking up....besides...the real fun starts in Grad school


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## Kenster102.5 (Sep 15, 2010)

vardon_grip said:


> I think you need to take a deep breath and step back a little. Rome wasn't built in 2 days and you don't need to be the architect.
> 
> You say that there are a lot of good looking girls that you won't cross paths with. You had to cross paths with them to see them in the first place and will possibly continue to do so throughout the term. You aren't required to talking only to people in your classes or only people from your school for that matter. Don't limit yourself and try to remain positive.
> 
> ...



You should know as I reiterate this, I would not use the lines "Hey your sexy, and I like fat chicks", also that I am not quiet ready yet to walk up to someone, but it was just in the back of my mind. My approach would just be something basic, like a general query, or a remark on how long lines are for something important, or heck if I notice a computer issue which is my forte, I could try and help. 


All these thoughts are just stewing in the back of my head, I still look around.

Thanks for the reply.
Ken


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## IrishBard (Sep 15, 2010)

generally Speaking, I have made my fair few mistakes with girls in the past. I know the whole idea of one night stands is very alluring, but, personally, just get to know someone. maybe, you'll find someone you like, maybe not in the near future. best to know them personally before intimately, because then, if it doesn't work out, you can still be friends.


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## Tad (Sep 15, 2010)

Nope, I never did that. I was in engineering, so also not much in the way of women in my classes.

So go join some clubs and activities. Obviously ones that you don't mind taking part in, but preferably ones where there is a reasonable chance of finding women who you might find attractive. 

Also, in future terms you should get to choose some non-comp-sci courses, so choose those carefully and you might have classmates that are of more interest (but again, don't take something you'd hate, you will be way more attractive when you are interested and engaged).


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## Still Waters (Sep 15, 2010)

> have you ever gone up to someone random that you really thought was interesting/hot and just started talking to them

Yes, even though I was shy and used to have very few conversational skills. And even more often, other people did that with me. It's an essential skill to develop, it isn't considered odd or threatening, depending on what your surroundings are.


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## CastingPearls (Sep 15, 2010)

I walk up to people all the time and talk to them and people say I'm so inviting that strangers do walk up to me all the time. Sometimes, though..that isn't such a good thing.


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## bmann0413 (Sep 15, 2010)

Yeah, I never did that, honestly. I was kinda shy when I was at the university I went to (hell, I'm STILL shy).

But I did make some friends with some BBW students there. In fact, it's funny because three of them confronted me about it after I made a post to "out" myself on Facebook. They weren't disgusted, surprisingly, just inquizzitive. After I explained it to 'em, they told me that they were glad that there are guys like me out there who appreciate their beauty. One of them even kissed me on the cheek!

So basically, just make friends with them. Take some time to get to know them. When the time is right, then let them know how you feel, but do it in a mature and chivalrous manner.


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## natepogue (Sep 15, 2010)

I've done this before. It works sometimes and other times the girl has her own issues or just plain isnt interested and kind of brushes you off or you can tell she thinks you're a psycho.

After a while you just gotta say "fuck it, i tried" 

Just don't do it if it's a girl you're going to be seeing really often. It might get unbearable awkward if you get rejected. Your best bet is to keep crossing paths with her and tell her how you feel at the end of the term. That way if she says yes you have all the free time you want to plan dates and such, and if she says no you wont have to see her much anymore awkwardly.


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## nykspree8 (Sep 17, 2010)

natepogue said:


> I've done this before. It works sometimes and other times the girl has her own issues or just plain isnt interested and kind of brushes you off or you can tell she thinks you're a psycho.
> 
> After a while you just gotta say "fuck it, i tried"



Yeah, doesn't work all the time, you just gotta try and hope for the best...it's not easy for everyone to muster up the courage to talk to a complete stranger, especially one you find attractive and want them to engage in conversation with you, but even if you do have the courage to say, "hey i like fat chicks", don't


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## Expando (Sep 21, 2010)

I must say that this sounds a lot like my experience at University. I was at University without anyone I knew and finally got up the courage to approach some random girls. 

I tried just a walk-up conversation, and said something like "I've seen you around campus and think you're really pretty so I was wondering if you would like to go on a date". I tried this with two different girls in the space of 6 months, and both times the girl was somewhat taken aback at first, but after having a bit more conversation, both girls agreed to a date.

So I guess all I can say is it's worth a try - good luck!


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## kioewen (Sep 23, 2010)

Kenster102.5 said:


> have you ever gone up to someone random that you really thought was interesting/hot and just started talking to them, what was the outcome, did you ever try again with that same person or with some other random person.



Very interesting question. In high school there were many girls I liked from afar and wanted to approach, but never had the courage to do so. I really regretted it, so starting in university I resolved that I wouldn't make that mistake again, and I began approaching girls whom I found attractive.

I usually tried something like this. If the girl was, say, sitting in the cafeteria and reading a book, I would sit at the same table, and after a while, I would say:



> Excuse me. I've heard this approach works 50 percent of the time, so I hope you don't mind if I try it here: "I think you're very attractive. Would you like to go out sometime?"



True statement, by the way. I really did once see a news report once on the CBC in which some reporters performed exactly that experiment. They tried that line, and half of the time it worked, and half of the time it didn't.

Well, all I can say is that either the reporters were more attractive than me, or less nervous than me, because I never did get a date out of it. Not once.

I tried it about half a dozen times, more or less, obviously never on the same girl twice. 0% success rate.

But then, the girls whom I tried it on were very attractive (subjectively speaking), so being full-figured probably didn't hurt them much in the options department. About half of them told no because they had boyfriends -- which may have been true, or may have been a polite way to turn a person down.

Bottom line: I think it will work if your handsome, and won't work if you're not.


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## rollhandler (Sep 24, 2010)

I have never met a stranger, so yes I approach people that I have never met and start conversations. It's the best way to meet people IMO.
Rollhandler


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## RedVelvet (Sep 27, 2010)

Just a wee suggestion...There is no need to say anything like "Don't worry..I like fat chicks"...I understand the desire to assure her of your sincerity, but really, just starting up a conversation about anything is the best way to go.

If you want to be REALLY forward, you can say.."I think you are so cute", or however you phrase it, but there really isn't any need to bring up her fat....that's probably a little talk to have later, and even then, it can be very short and simple..

When you bring up the "don't worry" part..should you, anyway..it sort of assumes that this lovely young thing thinks herself shite.

Prolly not your best bet at being dashing...

Best of luck!


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## RedVelvet (Sep 27, 2010)

And to answer your question..(sorry!)..Yes I have, and a goodly amount of the time it has worked. Chit chat, sneak in a lightly stated compliment, and, as a woman who tends to think guys like to ask women out rather than be asked out, no matter what they say...make sure in subtle but easy to read ways that I am pestering them because I think they are attractive.


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## Kenster102.5 (Oct 3, 2010)

Damn, I dropped the ball.

Okay, here is what happened. Me and few guys I just gotten to know were all playing Starcraft in a Public Access Lab in the college. Unlike 2 of the guys, I was pretty new to Starcraft and so I wasn't doing so well.

All of a sudden this random redhead girl comes up behind me and starts telling me what to do, and it was somewhat along the lines that one of the guys had told me to do.
Man, I was so in awe, because I wasn't expecting a girl to know how to play Starcraft.
All I said was "Thank You", I didn't ask how long she had been playing, or her name, I was a bit taken back.

She was average looking, I think she was a bit thick, but now I don't anymore. She left after she told me what to do.


Damn...it could have been something simple.

Funny thing was the week before, a friend of mine was talking about how he "Chopped" somebody while waiting at student services. I was thinking about taking that same attitude as him, but I guess it doesn't work that way.


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## LalaCity (Oct 3, 2010)

Maybe this advice is irrelevant to you now, two weeks in, or however long it's been, but I thought I'd give my two cents anyway.

First off, campus organizations are fun places to meet people -- most colleges have recreational clubs for sports, games, cooking, etc. Or you could go with a political or social interest, that sort of thing.

Second, if you want to engage a girl you find attractive, just be attentive, polite and charming and, of course, don't be afraid to ask her out. Don't start up with any of the "I like fat chicks" stuff -- a lot of girls just find that creepy, to be honest.

If she looks at you like you're crazy and comes at you with the question "Why would you like me, I'm not thin?" Just respond, "I think you're really pretty." Maybe say how much you're drawn to her eyes or smile but just leave it at that (for now, anyway). Fat girls want to be admired, yes, but at the same time don't want to be objectified purely for their bodies, ya know?


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## Kenster102.5 (Oct 3, 2010)

LalaCity said:


> Maybe this advice is irrelevant to you now, two weeks in, or however long it's been, but I thought I'd give my two cents anyway.
> 
> First off, campus organizations are fun places to meet people -- most colleges have recreational clubs for sports, games, cooking, etc. Or you could go with a political or social interest, that sort of thing.
> 
> ...



Christ, why do people think that I am going to just say "I like fat chicks". I was only using it as an example of someone who was very unintelligent and not knowing how to be sensible. 

Thanks for the advice, but I don't know of any organizations, since they aren't that highly advertised. But I would join one based on interests and not because of girls. I would use that organization experience as what I am a part of in College, if I do meet a girl and asks what I am doing around College. Right now I am a bit to busy with trying not to procrastinate. 

But I love the advice.


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## LalaCity (Oct 4, 2010)

Kenster102.5 said:


> Christ, why do people think that I am going to just say "I like fat chicks". I was only using it as an example of someone who was very unintelligent and not knowing how to be sensible.
> 
> Thanks for the advice, but I don't know of any organizations, since they aren't that highly advertised. But I would join one based on interests and not because of girls. I would use that organization experience as what I am a part of in College, if I do meet a girl and asks what I am doing around College. Right now I am a bit to busy with trying not to procrastinate.
> 
> But I love the advice.



From what you wrote, it seemed as though you had it in mind to do just that -- i.e., go up to a girl and say, "I like fat chicks." I realize you have more tact, but you'd be surprised by the number of well-meaning guys who employ this particular approach -- and are met with rejection. 

Anyway, my advice is not to go hunting for girls in campus-oriented clubs; rather find something that interests you and get out there and be more social...see what happens.

Hope it works out for you.


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## goofy girl (Oct 4, 2010)

You've only been there a short time, there's tons of time to get to know people. When you find someone you're interested in talking to just say hi. There's no need to walk up and say hey I like fat chicks. I think it's natural to assume that if someone introduces themselves then it means they're probably interested to some degree.


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## Tad (Oct 6, 2010)

If your college has some sort of student centre, you should be able to find info about clubs there somehow.....there will be a listing up, or posters of activities, or a schedule of meetings, or simply ask staff there. These days I'd imagine the info would have to be on the web as well.

Believe it or not, being part of a club can help fight procrastination! See, part of procrastination is often that there is always this feeling that you need to get work done, but you need some time doing not-work. The problem is that when there is always that feeling that you should be working, any time seems as good as any other to do not-work. If you have some scheduled not-work time, so you know you are going to a club from 7-9 on Tuesday night, it helps relieve some of that 'always have work to be doing' feeling. Also you know you need to get things done, so you can go to the club meeting.

Obviously join any club based on it interesting you, but at most colleges there are a lot of clubs (and courses, and organized activities, etc). By stretching just a little bit you might find ones that interest you, but are also apt to have a fair participation by women with whom you might have something in common (this can even apply to choosing electives, btw). For example, you could join a computer club, which will most likely be heavily male, but if you also like anime, you could join an anime film society (should such exist at your school), where there might be a higher proportion of women.

Absolutely I think it is easiest to meet someone when you are in an activity/course/something together, and get to see them regularly.


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## frankman (Oct 7, 2010)

Kenster102.5 said:


> I myself am just starting my first week of college, I am taking a 4 year Computer and Communications Networking course at Centennial College.
> 
> Even though it has been the first 2 days, I had somewhat put it in the back of my mind that I would try and get someone during these 4 years, since there wasn't anyone who really interested me in HS, nor did I want the haggling by people I had become friends with, and I had gone through a silly rejection but with a thin chick, who I can now say wasn't really my type.
> 
> ...



I'd say try and date the old-fashioned way, with striking up a conversation, getting to know them, paying attention and being considerate and all that. It's a cliche, but it really works. It works even better if you don't startle girls right away by saying you dig em because they're fat. It's even better if you like them regardless of their fat.

Setting deadlines on getting with women is not usually a productive thing to do, though. Take it easy dude. It's your first week.


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## kioewen (Oct 12, 2010)

To the O.P., I have a site that I can recommend to you that may prove helpful in your future attempts. It's called "Citizen Renegade," and the author extensively discusses the male/female dynamic in a way that is completely objective and free of any illusions or rose-coloured glasses. He particularly explains how the male "white knight" instinct is, paradoxically, a turn-off to many women, compared to other factors and behaviours that women actually do find attractive.

http://roissy.wordpress.com/

Much of what he says may seem counter-intuitive, but when one frankly considers the "real world," one has to acknowledge that he is pretty much correct.


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## Kenster102.5 (Feb 10, 2011)

BUMP!

I see a lot of hot women on public transit, when I make my college commute. Some of these women I see regularly. Now is there anyway if I were to see a lady during my commute regularly to ask whether she is taken or not, or do I just ask for her digits? I know I could ask for the time, or say "I see you regularly on the subway." But I just saw this girl on the subway today and also a few days ago, a bit older then me, and I so wanted to start a convo with her, but I had no acquaintance with this person before. 

It is just something I am wondering about, since the risk really would outweigh everything if it were to go wrong.


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## penguin (Feb 10, 2011)

I met the guy I'm casually seeing when out shopping. He came up to me outside the store and said that he hoped I didn't think he was rude, but he'd really like my number. He added that he thought I was beautiful and had curves in all the right places, and that he'd like me to call him. 

I was taken by surprise, because I wasn't expecting anything like that to happen, but he was cute so I gave him my number. Just ask her. She might say no, but she might say yes.


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## Kenster102.5 (Feb 10, 2011)

penguin said:


> I met the guy I'm casually seeing when out shopping. He came up to me outside the store and said that he hoped I didn't think he was rude, but he'd really like my number. He added that he thought I was beautiful and had curves in all the right places, and that he'd like me to call him.
> 
> I was taken by surprise, because I wasn't expecting anything like that to happen, but he was cute so I gave him my number. Just ask her. She might say no, but she might say yes.



Wow...that is pretty good.



kioewen said:


> To the O.P., I have a site that I can recommend to you that may prove helpful in your future attempts. It's called "Citizen Renegade," and the author extensively discusses the male/female dynamic in a way that is completely objective and free of any illusions or rose-coloured glasses. He particularly explains how the male "white knight" instinct is, paradoxically, a turn-off to many women, compared to other factors and behaviours that women actually do find attractive.
> 
> http://roissy.wordpress.com/
> 
> Much of what he says may seem counter-intuitive, but when one frankly considers the "real world," one has to acknowledge that he is pretty much correct.




Well I ironically found this post http://roissy.wordpress.com/2011/01/11/just-say-something/. Thanks to kiowen for the original link, since I feel this is answering a lot of thoughts.


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## NurseVicki (Feb 11, 2011)

Kenster102.5 said:


> I myself am just starting my first week of college, I am taking a 4 year Computer and Communications Networking course at Centennial College.
> 
> Even though it has been the first 2 days, I had somewhat put it in the back of my mind that I would try and get someone during these 4 years, since there wasn't anyone who really interested me in HS, nor did I want the haggling by people I had become friends with, and I had gone through a silly rejection but with a thin chick, who I can now say wasn't really my type.
> 
> ...



Just be your self and smile say hi and let it go see that same gal again and she smiles at you ask her how her classes are going . She will bring it to you if she is interested when she does treat her to more smiles and act interested in the topic and then ask her to join you in the cafe or the student lobby or library a kinda non date place to study or just hang out ! go slow and be patient!


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## Tad (Feb 11, 2011)

Kenster102.5 said:


> BUMP!
> 
> I see a lot of hot women on public transit, when I make my college commute. Some of these women I see regularly. Now is there anyway if I were to see a lady during my commute regularly to ask whether she is taken or not, or do I just ask for her digits? I know I could ask for the time, or say "I see you regularly on the subway." But I just saw this girl on the subway today and also a few days ago, a bit older then me, and I so wanted to start a convo with her, but I had no acquaintance with this person before.
> 
> It is just something I am wondering about, since the risk really would outweigh everything if it were to go wrong.



1) What is the risk, really? that she gives you an odd look and isn't interested? It would hurt your ego, but it wouldn't be that big of a disaster.

2) There are a ton of approaches. Here is one that might work for you, because you don't take much risk at any one time: Build an acquaintance. 
- Next time you see her, meet her eye and give her a quick smile....then move on or look away. 
- The time after that catch her eye if you can, smile, see if she smiles back, maybe give her a quick nod or wink to show you noticed her smile. 
- Time after that, if you can pass near her, say 'good morning!' and keep doing that.
- Soon it should be normal enough to comment on the weather outside, or the crowd, or whatever. 

By that point you should be able to tell if she is interested or not (and if she is attached, odds are good that fairly early on she'll manage to mention "I know, the rain is terrible, my boyfriend got soaked on the way home last night." or something like that).

Of course, after the first smile she may look away and never meet your eye in the future, or she may be fine at exchanging smiles but make it clear she isn't interested in talking, or whatever. But by taking small steps you give lots of chances to exchange signals. Of course, you also take a long time to get to know her, so not so good if you are in a rush, but since you have to go to class all of the time anyway, why not put that time to good use, and work on your flirting skills a bit?


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## joswitch (Feb 11, 2011)

What Tad said - except DON'T wink.

Trust me.


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## lovelocs (Feb 15, 2011)

joswitch said:


> What Tad said - except DON'T wink.
> 
> Trust me.



Some of us like winking... My ex had a way of doing it... But don't do it unless it's something that you normally do. 

Anyway, if you're nervous about talking to a woman, you could always start by noticing a book or magazine she's reading, or is carrying. Ask her opinion about it, or share your opinion, if you have one. Or perhaps an interesting article of clothing or jewelry she has on.These serve as interesting topics of conversation, and take the immediate burden off of you...


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## Sasquatch! (Feb 15, 2011)

lovelocs said:


> Some of us like winking... My ex had a way of doing it... But don't do it unless it's something that you normally do.
> 
> Anyway, if you're nervous about talking to a woman, you could always start by noticing a book or magazine she's reading, or is carrying. Ask her opinion about it, or share your opinion, if you have one. Or perhaps an interesting article of clothing or jewelry she has on.These serve as interesting topics of conversation, and take the immediate burden off of you...



Starting a conversation 101. Great place to start.


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## AmazingAmy (Feb 16, 2011)

This thread is making me miss talking to guys... I do it most days in the Internet around here, but I haven't done it in public with a real person in months. I keep hoping that the next time I go out to a pub or club, a blatant FA will start chatting to me and not be shy. I know it's probably a daunting task to assess whether or not a girl knows what an FA is and if she'll be offended... but someone read my mind, please.


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## GunnerFA (Feb 16, 2011)

AmazingAmy said:


> This thread is making me miss talking to guys... I do it most days in the Internet around here, but I haven't done it in public with a real person in months. I keep hoping that the next time I go out to a pub or club, a blatant FA will start chatting to me and not be shy. I know it's probably a daunting task to assess whether or not a girl knows what an FA is and if she'll be offended... but someone read my mind, please.



What are the chances of that pub or club being in Edinburgh lol? There seems to be a lack of bbws at most clubs I've gone to here. Just saying.

On what you said about it being daunting trying to assess whether or not a girl knows what and FA is is all too true. My ex didn't know I was an FA when we started dating. When I told her, she seemed somewhat confused about the whole concept.

Still... no harm in giving it a shot at walking up to a girl at a club, pub, girl you've seen on the bus etc


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## AmazingAmy (Feb 16, 2011)

GunnerFA said:


> What are the chances of that pub or club being in Edinburgh lol? There seems to be a lack of bbws at most clubs I've gone to here. Just saying.
> 
> On what you said about it being daunting trying to assess whether or not a girl knows what and FA is is all too true. My ex didn't know I was an FA when we started dating. When I told her, she seemed somewhat confused about the whole concept.
> 
> Still... no harm in giving it a shot at walking up to a girl at a club, pub, girl you've seen on the bus etc



Heh, you should come down to the Midlands in my town - there's loads of big girls here, especially in the pubs and clubs. All ages too (helps that it's a university town). Are you sure there aren't any BBWs in Edinburgh though, or are they just not your type?


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## LordQuas (Mar 25, 2011)

As someone who used to be completely incapable of talking to women I understand where you're coming from. College can be quite overwhelming at first and we have a tendency to try to put the cart before the horse. I think your best bet is to find clubs and activities that you enjoy first. Once you do that you are bound to find people with similar interests whether male or female. I think this is really the key to finding someone to have a relationship with, once you are more comfortable in your surroundings you become more confident so that when you do see a girl that interests you it wont be such a big deal to talk to her.


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## Kenster102.5 (Mar 25, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> As someone who used to be completely incapable of talking to women I understand where you're coming from. College can be quite overwhelming at first and we have a tendency to try to put the cart before the horse. I think your best bet is to find clubs and activities that you enjoy first. Once you do that you are bound to find people with similar interests whether male or female. I think this is really the key to finding someone to have a relationship with, once you are more comfortable in your surroundings you become more confident so that when you do see a girl that interests you it wont be such a big deal to talk to her.



For sho...i can feel that.

Dude even though I am considered a cracka(white dude) by some, I like your signature LordQuas. Jeru is the best. He makes all those fools that do sometimes talk about there girls too much go away. 

"They always give me trouble
mainly Hatred, Jealousy and Envy they attack me" 

Yeah I do sometimes feel that. 


Not getting off topic, just something I noticed.


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## budbunny (Mar 26, 2011)

Honestly, go up to her and tell her how you feel...

Is it scary...yes !! But you aren't going to know elsewise until you do...

I at least appreciate the candid approach...too many times men just stare at me while in the store...and all the while I am thinking "just hit on me / talk to me already !!" =)


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## BlueBurning (Mar 26, 2011)

Kenster102.5 said:


> The question and discussion is really about, have you ever gone up to someone random that you really thought was interesting/hot and just started talking to them, what was the outcome, did you ever try again with that same person or with some other random person.
> 
> 
> Thanks
> Ken



I'm not really sure how going up to somebody you find attractive would necessarily be creepy. I first met my fiancee at the school bar due to her sitting with her friends one of which I shared a class with. So a friend and I went over and talked for a couple hours over drinks. After that I didn't see her for a couple of years until facebook became popular and I messaged her which led to a relationship.


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## TXgalnAK (Mar 27, 2011)

I admire any FA who gets up the courage to ask out a BBW. I wish I would have one come up and start just a simple general conversation about anything and then lead into "Hey maybe we could go and get a cup of coffee and chat a little longer"...that would be a perfect way to lead into just more conversation and maybe a date.
I keep thinking back to my 10 year high school reunion. This guy who I thought was cute but never thought he would be an FA walked up to me at the reunion and tells me how he had a crush on me and would almost get the courage up to ask me out but then never could ask me. He even used to call my up at home and hang up (before caller ID...LOL). The whole time I am thinking oh wow oh wow he is going to finally ask me out....NOPE he introduces me to his fiance who is a BBW. Talk about heart breaking...UGHHH! I just smiled, left and when home and cried. I try very hard not to slam an FA even the ones who jump right in and go way overboard with the "I like fat chicks line" Although back in college that would really be creepy...now days in my mid 40's I'd take a guy even if he was wearing a "I LOVE FAT CHICKS TSHIRT" or had it on a bumpersticker....LOL 
Good Luck and Relax we are only women. Risks not taken = Regrets


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## Kenster102.5 (Mar 27, 2011)

BlueBurning said:


> I'm not really sure how going up to somebody you find attractive would necessarily be creepy.



It isn't creepy if you knew the person through association, but in public just going up to someone, it is just the randomness of the occurrence.

Last week I was on the subway I wanted to go and talk to someone who I finded attractive sitting across from me, but I didn't I just took out my text book read it, glanced up for a second about twice during the ride, and no real reaction. 
Funny thing was, was that morning some guy who I never met, was probably off Bay St. (financial district), was on the subway with me in the morning, and commented on my text book, we got into a great conversation about C++ and Java and Networking, and Circuit Breakers (financial operations). 

I should have commented on the lady sitting across from me, about her Blackberry but I didn't. I need to just commit and go through with it once in a while, so then I get more comfortable about myself.


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## Tad (Mar 28, 2011)

Oh wait, you are in Toronto? I'd missed that.....yah, people are less apt to talk to strangers up on this side of the border, I find. Tends to kind of freak me out down in the US, how many people will just randomly start talking to you.

yah, I feel for you, I remember a lot of frustrating bus rides stealing glances at someone, trying to figure out how I could ever come up with a reason to talk with them.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Mar 28, 2011)

Sometimes it helps to have a prop. I used an ice cream cone to meet my ex-wife. It was June in Cambridge, MA, and this incredibly beautiful hispanic BBW walked right past me ... and entered an ice-cream store. I followed and discovered that she was sitting at a table by herself. So I bought a cone and proceeded to look all around as if I were trying to find a vacant table, hoping she hadn't noticed that half the tables were empty. Apparently she hadn't, because when I asked if it was okay for me to sit at her table, she said yes. I forget what I said next, but we did get into conversation, and I asked her out to dinner for the next night.* A year later we were married at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in East Los Angeles.


*Some weeks later, she told me she tried to look me up in the phone book that afternoon and could not find me (she spelled my name wrong). This convinced her that I was a serial killer, and she left instructions with another girl in her dormitory to call the police if she wasn't home by midnight. But she went out with me anyway! Moral: it may be creepy, but it works!


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## BlueBurning (Mar 29, 2011)

I guess it really depends on the person and location. Strangers talking to strangers where I am from seems to be pretty normal. I would also say what you start talking about certainly would determine if the individual being approached would feel if you are being creepy or not.


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## Jay West Coast (Apr 2, 2011)

It's not rocket science, man. It's called "flirting."

Make fun conversation with her. It doesn't even matter about what, as long as you keep it fun, light, and normal-people-sounding. Flirting is a way of seeing if the other person is interested, advertising that you're interested and _interesting_--all without explicitly saying it. 

And here's the thing: girls who are with someone, when approached like this, will usually mention their significant other casually in order to be fair to you. If this happens, keep making conversation for a while until the conversation naturally ends. Next time you see her on the bus, there is no "disaster" you just kindly wave hello and remain friends.

If you dig each other, get to know each other first. If you're flirting with her, she'll probably get the hint that you find her attractive on the outside. The next step is to build a relationship on the inside, and then you can [sensitively] things that are [potentially sensitive] such as her body in relation to what you like. In general, its best not to overthink it. Just be fun, honest and thoughtful and see where it goes. 

I know you're a little new to relationships, but this is what you'll find out: _her appearance may be what initially attracts you to her, but its everything else that will keep you there_. Plan on investing in that.

The moral of the story is that just because you're an FA, it doesn't mean you have to approach the opposite sex a whole lot differently. Fat women are women, not a separate species. Think about how women would want to be treated, and then treat them that way.

Hopefully my old man advice is helpful!


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## luvbigfellas (Apr 6, 2011)

OK, not a BBW, but still of the female persuasion here...

The best thing to do is, say hi. Start a conversation. Comment about something funny the prof does, or how last night's homework was a killer. I've always found that the best relationships I've had really did start out as long friendships.


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## Kenster102.5 (Apr 7, 2011)

luvbigfellas said:


> OK, not a BBW, but still of the female persuasion here...
> 
> The best thing to do is, say hi. Start a conversation. Comment about something funny the prof does, or how last night's homework was a killer. I've always found that the best relationships I've had really did start out as long friendships.



Sorry, and not to be rude, but I am currently in a program with basically no girls being in my classes that actually interest me, and not very many in general.

The hallways and riding on the subway is different, I come across so many women who I am interested in. But I am thinking more about just say "Hi, what are you taking?"


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## Forgotten_Futures (Apr 8, 2011)

I'm not a particularly outgoing person, but I love flirting. I still remember the night I learned exactly how I flirt (I'm not conventional about it) - I was hanging with a friend at a coffee shop, and he knew the barista who was serving at the moment. So we were both talking with her and some of the other regulars (it wasn't crowded), and a friend of hers came in to get out of the house. She started talking with us, five hours later when the place closed for the night a bunch of us went to a local diner and she joined. Hour after that, we gave her a ride home (for reasons I never quite understood, my friend drove my car for this trip). She gets out of the car, we wait for her to get inside her house, and then my friend informs me I was flirting "hard core" with her the entire time. I was clueless = P

Overcome the lack of women in your classes obstacle by trying to get on good terms with some of the guys in your classes who you see talking with female friends in the halls. You may wind up catching an easy hook simply by association with your peers. If you're sitting in a study room/area and you overhear a conversation you can contribute to, do so. If a girl happens to give you game playing tips again, tell her your chat handle/account name and see if you can get hers. Keep tabs on what people around you are saying and always look for a way to (politely) insert yourself into the conversation.

Most importantly, be normal, be yourself, have fun. You never know what topics someone will find interesting just by looking at them (I am, as yet, regularly surprised by people who seem to fit very selective "persona" molds when viewed from a distance). Hopefully, you won't have my luck and wind up befriending lesbians instead of straight women = P


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## Tad (Apr 8, 2011)

Kenster102.5 said:


> I am currently in a program with basically no girls being in my classes that actually interest me, and not very many in general.



Been there. I strongly recommend that you look at two things:

1) If you get some non-program based electives next year, try to choose ones that you find interesting but which also have a fighting chance of having a good number of women in them.

2) Join clubs, activities & co-ed sports. Obviously clubs with higher number of women give more women to meet, but it has to be something that you want to do--when you enjoy something it is apparent, and is probably the best way to end up talking with someone. Most schools have a huge array of activities, so look around. (and be willing to take a chance on something you aren't sure about, you can always stop going if you end up not liking it).

Neither is a guarantee of meeting women, nor only about finding someone to date. But it gets you around them more, if nothing else, and interacting with them. That should lead you to be more at home with them, more in touch with how they approach things, etc, and give you an opportunity to flirt lightly when you are ready for it.

Good luck!


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## Kenster102.5 (Apr 9, 2011)

Tad said:


> 2) Join clubs, activities & co-ed sports.
> 
> Good luck!



Hey there are really no clubs at my college, I think the application process for making clubs scares people away. If there were clubs I would be in them.


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## Tad (Apr 11, 2011)

Kenster102.5 said:


> Hey there are really no clubs at my college, I think the application process for making clubs scares people away. If there were clubs I would be in them.



wow, that is lame  But if there are no formal clubs....I'm betting that there ends up being less formal ones. What sort of things interest you? Perhaps keep an eye out for notes posted at stores near campus catering to that sort of thing, posters up around campus, adds in campus paper.....people will still find ways to get together.


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## Kenster102.5 (Apr 11, 2011)

Yo I saw a very beautiful redhead on the subway, she was bopping her head and getting into the music she was listening to. I glanced at her once in a while, and approached her on the platform, the talk started off good, and I carefully asked if she had a boyfriend. She said she did, and so I said "This is where I will stop", meaning the conversation, and said have a nice day. So it wasn't bad and kind of made me be a bit more conditioned to a rejection. So I will keep trying once in a while.



Tad said:


> wow, that is lame  But if there are no formal clubs....I'm betting that there ends up being less formal ones. What sort of things interest you? Perhaps keep an eye out for notes posted at stores near campus catering to that sort of thing, posters up around campus, adds in campus paper.....people will still find ways to get together.



Still there aren't very many informal ones with me and my guys. Only one is a simple movie club/study club in an unused room, just us guys.

Most of the guys in my course are already getting , of those who are getting it they are more masculine and say "look at that white chick damn nice ass, look at that brown girl she looks stuck up, look she has thick thighs, yo I was chopping that chick", etc. So I do chill with them to see if it leads to some chances, or some more confidence, or it makes me act less like a dumb cracka.

It isn't like we are the ultra nerdy type. For us being a networking degree, "gangsta" mentality is through about half the class, since the college is in a low income area. I do try and act that way, but I come from a rich high income area, where most of those I went to high school with have gone to university. But commuting in low income area isn't bad since there is a lot of BBW's, plus the subway rides through GreekTown so yeah thick thighs are bound to be seen once in a while. That last sentence was not to be negative in anyway to anybody.


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## Forgotten_Futures (Apr 11, 2011)

I am not going to recommend you act "gangsta" if you really aren't = P


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## Kenster102.5 (Apr 11, 2011)

Forgotten_Futures said:


> I am not going to recommend you act "gangsta" if you really aren't = P



I just observe the vocabulary and I actually start to use their vocabulary. Most of the guys all talk to me that way, so it becomes common place for me.


I just dress properly with baggy jeans, and clean Adidas, no chains or stupid tattoos though.

Most of my generation listens to rap once in a while, I still listen to Lamb of God, and Fear Factory, and Nine Inch Nails.



> You claim you got beef on the streets so whatcha
> Gonna do when real n**** roll up on you
> And you don't got your crew
> Pull your glock but you don't got the heart
> ...


 Jeru The Damaja.


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## luvbigfellas (Apr 12, 2011)

I was meaning all that as a general approach. Your results may vary.


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## Kenster102.5 (Apr 16, 2011)

The general approach if there is such a thing, would be a more reserved one, I still have to figure out one, I don't even know if asking if someone has a boyfriend is a good thing to do at first try?


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## Shoshybear (May 13, 2011)

As a fat woman who has never been hit on in public arenas (bars, clubs, parties, hallways...) I have to say that if someone were to come up to me and genuinely give me a compliment that wasn't body part specific, that wasn't lewd, that wasn't shouted at me from the street... if some man (or woman) came up to me and just said, "I just wanted to tell you that you look really beautiful today" it would put me over the moon, yes, I might stammer in responding to you, yes I might turn bright red, but I would think back on it later with a smile


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## Teecher (May 20, 2011)

I've been an FA for years, and I definitely remember my younger days when I had the 'paralyzing' fear of - _being rejected by a female_. However, I do remember that it was always easier to write what I was feeling, rather than saying it.

So that's what I began doing. I would get a sheet of paper, and write as if I were talking to my potential BBW interest. :wubu: The letter would always be respectful, decent, showing of my interest in the BBW, - _*and declare that I would reveal myself within a week*_. (I know I should have included my name, but that was to risky too me. '_Suppose she had a jealous and potentially violent lover?_

Next, I would find a way to get the letter to her, by way of a friend or relative of hers, or passing it on to a friend of mine to give to her - after I left the establishment. (_The Fear of Rejection Strikes Again_.:doh

However, once 'the seed was planted' - the fear of rejection was gone. I already had my biggest hurdle crossed. And the mystery of the author of the letter would almost always create an sense of interest in the BBW about who I was.:batting: It was kind of like turning my lemons into lemonade.

The letter never guaranteed a date, but it did help me get around the fear of rejection. 


Teecher

Pears Rule.

P.S. Write back about this.


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## J34 (May 22, 2011)

W/o opening the thread just the title *"It is kind of creepy, but have you done it?"*. Makes it sound like something odd or weird is going to be discussed, instead of normal human interaction. 



Kenster102.5 said:


> The question and discussion is really about, have you ever gone up to someone random that you really thought was interesting/hot and just started talking to them, what was the outcome, did you ever try again with that same person or with some other random person.



The thread title should be:* Have you ever gone up to someone random and started talking to them?*


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## Kenster102.5 (May 23, 2011)

But I had to make the title interesting.


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## J34 (May 25, 2011)

Kenster102.5 said:


> But I had to make the title interesting.



Well I guess it works, though every time I read it I am expecting something besides the actual subject matter


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## JulieD (Jun 3, 2011)

Kenster102.5 said:


> ..._SNIP..._ and approached her on the platform, the talk started off good, and I carefully asked if she had a boyfriend. She said she did, and so I said "This is where I will stop", meaning the conversation, and said have a nice day..._SNIP_...



But why stop? Just the start of a good conversation is great, but she couldbe awesome and end up being a good friend...who has other single girl friends...BBW single girl friends at that. As long as the second you find out that she has a man, change your tactics from "you're so hawt" to "you're really cool" then there is nothing wrong continuing the conversation, or even swapping numbers. Platonic girl friends are great to have around, just make sure you keep yourself in line and respect her and the relationship she is in. Besides her BF could be a Douche Lord and she could be just waiting for someone better to come along...hell, she might not even realize that there is better. I'm just saying, once you take the fucking gigantic step to initiate a conversation, don't pull the brakes on it just because she has a boy friend...


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## JulieD (Jun 3, 2011)

Hmmm...I should have read this a month ago...oh well:doh:


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## kronoman (Jun 22, 2011)

> The question and discussion is really about, have you ever gone up to someone random that you really thought was interesting/hot and just started talking to them, what was the outcome, did you ever try again with that same person or with some other random person.



I have done it lots of times, on bars and clubs. Success vary wildly, from embarrassing to huge success... from time I learned how to talk in a way that leaves you open to a quick retreat without shame 

most of the time if you are polite, fun and articulated, you have some degree of success... the trick is to pick well your targets and to have a good wingman helps too... dont pick girls that are just having fun with other girls and dont want to talk to anybody / or they havent even noticed you, having some eye contact first is good sign...

in college when I was doing engineering what I did was a shameless move: since engineering has a ratio of 99 male to 1 woman, I just inscribed myself in optional classes like English, psychology introduction, marketing, etc that has a good ratio of females... choose well your optional classes and you can meet lots of women 


and, in this days and age, you have the "techno winner"  I discourage this for me, but may work for you, many of my friends have meet girls using facebook / messenger, they get somehow their email (like a little flirting in college) and they finish the task using the chat of facebook, when you are more open to say things that you may not say face to face... 
I prefer the face to face approach, I feel a good thing saying a girl nice things and telling her how much I love her looks... talking on chat is very cold, but works....


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## Kenster102.5 (Jun 22, 2011)

I will keep that in mind.


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