# Lived a little and wiser for it



## rainyday (Jan 8, 2010)

In chats and other discussions with fat women, I've noticed that the words, "I wish I'd known then" often come up when we talk about our younger selves.

If you're 30+, what do you wish you'd known when you were younger? Or what would you tell your younger self now if you could, especially regarding being fat? Answers from BBWs and SSBBWs only please.


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## comaseason (Jan 8, 2010)

I would tell her that:


Dwelling on perceived negatives about herself from others is a complete and total waste of time and only will drag her down.

She should focus on the positive in herself, that the negative would be taken care of with time and patience.

She shouldn't be so impatient and frustrated with her endeavors.

People love her as she is, not hoping she would be someone different.

Of course, she's thick headed, stubborn and thinks she's knows it all, so she would have never listened.


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## Ruffie (Jan 8, 2010)

I would tell her that she is a strong resilient woman. That she doesn't have to play herself small or change herself around as the person that is is should be enough for those around her. Just by being herself she will find the love she seeks.


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## steely (Jan 8, 2010)

I would tell her to lighten up, not take every little thing so seriously. I would tell her that she is beautiful, inside and out. I would tell her to trust herself because she is smart, funny, intelligent and knows her own heart. That life is made up of moments and not one lasts forever. There is always another just ahead. Be happy, don't wait to be happy.


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## Tracyarts (Jan 8, 2010)

I would tell myself three things:

- Don't allow other people to dictate how you should live your life, what values you should embrace, and what your priorities should be. It's hard to defy those around you and do what you feel is best for *you* but in the end, it's better to just be true to yourself and if necessary, find new people who support you or just do it on your own. 

- Do not for one day take for granted the fact that you are healthy and mobile. Any effort you put into remaining fit and healthy in your twenties is nothing compared to the amount of effort you will have to put into getting fit and healthy in your thirties or forties, especially if problems have already taken root. 

- Go with the flow and be flexible in where life takes you. You may feel you have it all planned out by the time you reach adulthood, but once you hit the real world you may feel that your plan is not really what you hoped it would be and doesn't give you the satisfaction you expected. Very little is set in stone, and don't be afraid to reinvent yourself, move on, move up, or move down if where you're at isn't so much working for you anymore. Success is not what you earn or own or acheive, it's creating a life where you can just be content with what you have.

Tracy


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## Carrie (Jan 8, 2010)

Tracyarts said:


> - Do not for one day take for granted the fact that you are healthy and mobile. Any effort you put into remaining fit and healthy in your twenties is nothing compared to the amount of effort you will have to put into getting fit and healthy in your thirties or forties, especially if problems have already taken root.


This one is really good, and I would add: even if you're not ready to accept and love your body just yet, do _not_ put off doing the things you want to do until "someday, once I've lost weight". In truth, that day probably won't come, and far more importantly, that's just no way to live. Carpe diem, baby.


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## mossystate (Jan 8, 2010)

Do not think that most people are gawking at you.

Most of us humans are way too self-absorbed to care much about you in ways you think we care about you.


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## Ernest Nagel (Jan 8, 2010)

Cool thread. Subscribing! :bow:


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## rainyday (Jan 8, 2010)

Thanks for participating, ladies. 



Tracyarts said:


> Do not for one day take for granted the fact that you are healthy and mobile. Any effort you put into remaining fit and healthy in your twenties is nothing compared to the amount of effort you will have to put into getting fit and healthy in your thirties or forties, especially if problems have already taken root.



This. So much. Move, move, move. Can't say it enough. I'd tell her to love her body, stop trying to make it skinny and instead to make it strong and do whatever she can to avoid gaining more.

I'd tell her to make time to weave strong connections to friends and loved ones, even if it means less focus on career, because there will come a point where career doesn't seem as important anymore but those connections will mean everything. They are life.

I'd tell her to travel even more, because the best time to do that is while you're young, able to rough it cheap and willing to exchange risk for experience. And that that experience never loses its value.

And I'd tell her she's not anywhere near as fat as she thinks she is, and if she doesn't believe that then whoa baby she ought to see what could be coming later on!


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## katorade (Jan 8, 2010)

You're smarter than you give yourself credit for.

Your family loves you more than you think.

Not all of your friends are good for you.

You are not a spectacle, nor do people always instantly judge your fat before everything else.

You need to see a doctor because it isn't going to just go away.

P.S. I love you.


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## Tau (Jan 8, 2010)

Seriously, seriously awsome advice. I love this thread already. I'm not quite 30 yet but there's a whole lot I'd say to the girl i was. I'd tell her:
You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful.
Its ok to be fat and to like it. 
You are not your fat or the size of your breasts or the width of your hips. 
You are worthy of respect and love.
You are beautiful.


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## olwen (Jan 8, 2010)

I would tell my younger self to not waste time with men who won't respect her, and to demand a lot up front and if they couldn't do that, then to walk away. I'd tell her that she doesn't need male attention for validation - especially closeted ones, cause it gets old fast. It's a complete waste of time. I'd also tell her to learn to knit and sew really well so her clothes could better express who she is. I think if I knew how to sew at an early age I might not have had such a loathing for the fashion industry and I wouldn't have spent so many years hating everything I wore and going out of my way to avoid shopping. Shopping is still frustrating now, but I fret less about it because I am less afraid to either try to alter something myself or have it done professionally. I like my clothes a lot better now.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jan 9, 2010)

I know exactly what I would say to my younger self.

~You do not need a man in your life before you are 30..Enjoy being single and having fun..

~Enjoy the weirdness that is you..You are one of a kind..

~Let more people in and let them see how you really are..

~Work getting over your past hurts so they do not affect your future so much..

~Travel and see as much of the world as you can..

~Kiss that nice looking guy that keeps winking at you..He may be a FA in disguise!


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## Dmitra (Jan 9, 2010)

Not too sure how much more wise I've become yet I have my list of things I could tell my 30 year old self. I wish time really were a Wheel that maybe these would fall through the space-time continuum to be retro-activated:

-don't go with that guy to Washington state
-in 3 years you'll find a place called Dimensions. Join up and participate actively!
-get your AAS degree first
-dance more and keep swimming. 4+ years ago was your last diet ever but becoming less active will just end up with you bummed and your one knee will be a PITA
-take a chance with that other guy who offered last year. he's younger but of age and you'll regret it when you're older, trust me
-no matter what anyone, Anyone, said or did, you're worthy of affection, admiration, and respect


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## Tania (Jan 9, 2010)

You are pretty.
You are thin.
Say NO.
Don't sweat the jerkfaces. You'll forget they exist in a couple of years.


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## littlefairywren (Jan 9, 2010)

* You are worthy of anothers love
* Remember that kiss, that hug, those words of encouragement, the touch of a hand......for they may be the last ones
* So what if your bum looks big in that
* Walk with your head held high
* If it is not working, have the courage to move on!


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## MizzSnakeBite (Jan 9, 2010)

rainyday said:


> In chats and other discussions with fat women, I've noticed that the words, "I wish I'd known then" often come up when we talk about our younger selves.
> 
> If you're 30+, what do you wish you'd known when you were younger? Or what would you tell your younger self now if you could, especially regarding being fat? Answers from BBWs and SSBBWs only please.



*subscribe* 

Good idea for a thread rainy.

Oh my......... I think I would have told myself to fly........get far away, think of yourself first instead of pleasing others. Who cares if you rock the boat; in the long run you'll be happier for it. 

I think that ties in with being a SSBBW (or BBW when younger). In my unhappiness for having*** to please others, I turned towards food to comfort myself since I was so miserable.

***I said 'have' because in a way, I had to please others to survive. My mom's bi-polar and spent the majority of my life in and out of psych hospitals. I'd be shuffled here and there, and often had to take care of myself. If I wasn't "perfect," I'd be yelled at and dumped. So, I always had to plaster a smile on my face regardless of how I felt.


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## Miss Vickie (Jan 9, 2010)

This thread? This is one of the many reasons I love women so much. :wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu: With this kind of wisdom, there is nothing we cannot accomplish.

Okay, so mine?

You do not need a man in order to be whole, "good enough", or whatever else you think you need a man to accomplish. Do not sell yourself short, do not accept less than you deserve, do not "settle" because you're afraid to be alone.

Be fierce! You're stronger than you think you are.

Enjoy those babies. Don't stress so much on being a perfect mom and having a clean house and gourmet meals. Just love them and savor.... every... moment. You don't want to forget them.

Don't listen to him. You're brilliant. You can go back to school and be a success. He's just jealous and insecure and not worthy of you. Leave him. Now. Don't waste another year with someone who makes you feel less than the wonderful person you are. Go. Now. Don't give him another opportunity to hit you again.


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## littlefairywren (Jan 9, 2010)

Miss Vickie said:


> This thread? This is one of the many reasons I love women so much. :wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu: With this kind of wisdom, there is nothing we cannot accomplish.
> 
> Okay, so mine?
> 
> ...



Yes! A thousand times YES!


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## superodalisque (Jan 10, 2010)

don't give over your identity to another person even if and maybe particularly if they are extraordinarily wonderful. one day they could just leave your life through no fault of thier own or your own. make sure you always have your identity fully intact.


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## TallFatSue (Jan 11, 2010)

It sounds corny, but when I was 20 and on the brink of adulthood, I wanted to know more than anything whether my life was headed in the right direction, and whether I was making good, informed decisions. If I could tell my younger self anything, I'd say "you're doing fine, but those clothes you're wearing are *soooo* 1970s!" Wise ass that I am, no doubt I'd tell my older self, "But it *is* the 1970s!" 

Regarding being fat, my mother gave me the best of advice AND the worst of advice as she repeatedly told me I was wayyyy too fat ever to attract a good husband (yeah right), so I'd better get good grades and find a good career (wellll okay, just in case). And so I became a career woman, and defined myself in terms of who I was rather than by what others said I should be. It so happened that my Mr. Right fell into my lap anyway, albeit disguised as Mr. Just-Plain-Wrong, but I had enough presence of mind to recognize a diamond in the rough. Well, actually he was a lump of coal, but with enough heat and pressure he BECAME a diamond in the rough. After 27-going-on-28 years of marriage he sure shines whenever I buff him up (nudge nudge, wink wink). :smitten:

One of the best advantages of being as fat as I am is it's helped teach me what is and is not truly important in life. I can starve myself the rest of my life and be thin, or I can accept and accommodate my fat and lead a rich, rewarding life -- I cannot possibly do both. It pays to set good priorities, and have a focus.


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## ashmamma84 (Jan 11, 2010)

Not quite 30 yet, but here goes

Never let your inner child die. Always remain curious about the world; do something you've never done. 

Get outside of your head. Tame the negative tape running.

Fall in love with yourself. Be confident and if at first you can't, fake it til you make it.

Travel and travel some more. Lose yourself to find yourself.

Build/create a fabulous life for yourself - people naturally gravitate towards vibrate, active people.

Take care of your body. See your doc, excercise, etc.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Jan 11, 2010)

TallFatSue said:


> he sure shines whenever I buff him up (nudge nudge, wink wink). :smitten:



ROFL......sorry......this just cracked me up


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## ThatFatGirl (Jan 11, 2010)

1. Don't spend so much time on the computer.
2. The tingly feeling and swelling in your lower limbs is not normal. That's your body telling you it needs to move more. 
3. When the doctor recommends you do the above as well as elevate your legs, and begin wearing compression stockings, listen. Lymphedema isn't fun.

Those were the first things that came to mind for me. There's so much many of you have mentioned here that I'd also wish someone had said to me, though I'm not sure I would have believed or been too receptive to it. I really needed it beaten into my head that being fat doesn't make me any less of a person or less worthy of love than anyone else.


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## Tau (Jan 12, 2010)

ashmamma84 said:


> Not quite 30 yet, but here goes
> 
> Never let your inner child die. Always remain curious about the world; do something you've never done.
> 
> ...



That first one...when I was younger and my teachers and other adults kept telling me never to forget my dreams, to never stop laughing and playing, I was always like: WTF is this crazy women on about?? How can I forget my dreams? Why would I stop playing, stop being a child? Ah, the sweet, blissful arrogance of youth. Keeping that inner innocense, that joy in life alive has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Being around my niece helps, that child saved my laughter and my soul more times than I can actually say, and she keeps doing it. But that is honestly such amazing advice, but extremely difficult to follow.


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## tattooU (Jan 12, 2010)

TallFatSue said:


> One of the best advantages of being as fat as I am is it's helped teach me what is and is not truly important in life. I can starve myself the rest of my life and be thin, or I can accept and accommodate my fat and lead a rich, rewarding life -- I cannot possibly do both. It pays to set good priorities, and have a focus.



This is such a great bit of philosophy! 

i think the main thing i would tell the younger me would be to accept the dimensions of my frame. If your body doesn't fit into a particular piece of clothing, it's not because your body is wrong, the clothing is wrong! Everyone, big and small, fights with clothing that is wrong for their body shape. It's NOT because you're fat! BTW, you're not that fat lol. 

Oh, and try to focus on yourself every so often. It's not selfish, it's healthy. You need to. Otherwise you'll get lost... and the way back is hard to see from here.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 12, 2010)

I've said this before but -- 

When he says he has quit drinking -- RUN!! You'll thank me later.


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## katherine22 (Jan 13, 2010)

You were perfect just the way you are. Push yourself to be interested in others instead of focusing on your figure flaws. Expand your concept of beauty - you saw enough paintings on musuem walls showing that big women were beautiful. Never allow anyone to define you or limit your options. Confidence and a great dress are very sexy. Fall in love with yourself and others will be attracted to you. You are the one that you were waiting for. You are the main course - the men are only the desert.
Men who love you are not psychopaths. Question the opinions of the majority.


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## Cat (Jan 13, 2010)

I love this thread!

------------

1. Take risks. Don't waste your twenties wondering if you're good enough, smart enough or thin enough. You are. If you are questioning the path to take, choose the riskier path. You can change your mind later if you want. 

2. Not everyone will like you, regardless of what you decide to do or what you look like. Just take the risk. 

3. The safe path isn't the most interesting. Take the risk. 

4. Risk. Risk. Risk. 

-------------


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jan 13, 2010)

katherine22 said:


> You were perfect just the way you are. Push yourself to be interested in others instead of focusing on your figure flaws. Expand your concept of beauty - you saw enough paintings on musuem walls showing that big women were beautiful. Never allow anyone to define you or limit your options. Confidence and a great dress are very sexy. * Fall in love with yourself and others will be attracted to you. You are the one that you were waiting for. You are the main course - the men are only the desert.*
> Men who love you are not psychopaths. Question the opinions of the majority.



That right there speaks volumes and I hope all the young women reading this thread gets that!


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## Lovelyone (Jan 14, 2010)

Rainy, yet another fantastic start to a thread!

I would tell my younger self to:

1. Not to give my love and trust to someone who does not deserve it. If there are doubts listen to them.
2. Open my heart and life to others.
3 Share my experiences cos you never know how what you have to say might change another person's life.
4. Remember that God doesn't make junk. Everyone has value
5. Enjoy the little moments, cos that's what life is all about.
6. Revel in being a woman.
7. Don't be afraid to fall in love.
8. Don't spend so much time being angry and bitter towards people who can't/won't accept you. You'd be better off spending that time with people who do.
9. Don't be selfish. Hold his hand until he passes and tell him its okay to go. 
10. Love is unconditional. You should give it without expecting to get it in return.
11. When someone hurts you...forgive them. Its better for you in the long run.
12. If you feel generous about lending a family member money...DON'T. You will never get it back.

I would tell my very young self:

1. 4th grade --Don't twist the comb more than ONCE on one stand of hair, like a curling iron..cos you'll never get it out (causing your mom to cut it at the forehead leaving you a bald spot where bangs should be). And don't wear the underwear with the tiny strawberries printed on them to school. If you do they will stick out of your pants and the kids will tease and torment you all through high school about how your ass is so big that you need a bushel basket and a wheelbarrow to pick the strawberries. 
2. 6th grade--don't steal and try to ride Brian's skateboard. He is right, its too fast for you and you will get seriously hurt.
3. 7th grade-Don't let the fact that the first boy you wrote a love note to threw it on the floor and stomped on it...make you not write any more of them.
4. 9th grade--Stay away from that hot dog at the fair that caused you to get food poisoning.
5. Senior in high school--Go to college now. Don't wait.


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## littlefairywren (Jan 14, 2010)

Lovelyone said:


> Rainy, yet another fantastic start to a thread!
> 
> I would tell my younger self to:
> 
> ...



What wonderful words of wisdom Lovelyone...they had me crying and laughing. 
I tried to rep you, but this blasted thing keeps stopping me.


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## LovelyLiz (Jan 14, 2010)

I love this thread sooooo much. :wubu: Thank you, rainy!

This is what I would tell my high school/college/early 20s self:

-You don't need to take everything personally. When someone is rude or unkind or rejecting of you, it says something about their own limitations and not about whether you are a good or worthwhile person.
-Receive all the love that comes to you, even if it doesn't come in the form or from the person you want it to come from. Truly take it in, believe it, and be strengthened by it.
-Take care of your body, doing that will help you to love it.
-Find friends and relationships that can be mutual, and if you find yourself bearing most of the load, it's okay to take a step back and let them do some of the work of initiating. And if they don't, that's alright. You'll find plenty of people who will.
-Take a compliment. Don't throw it back. Just say "Thank you." It's really that easy.
-It's okay to have strong opinions and convictions and to share them. Some people will tell you it's not okay and that you always need to dial it down. F**k 'em.

And finally...

-You're going to be single for a looooooooooong time. But that's okay, because you will always have amazing friends, and you're going to learn to enjoy your own company too. Loneliness is just part of life for everyone, it doesn't mean you're a loser. But keep choosing to hope, in the midst of everything.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 17, 2010)

*People don't change....unless they want to....and more than likely they won't change because of anything you do for them or say to them.

*You don't need "fixer upper" people in your life....there are plenty of things about yourself that you can spend your time fixing

*You are worth the time it takes to make yourself into the person you see in your mind's eye. 

*You are intelligent, capable and don't need to always be second guessing yourself. Confidence is not the same as arrogance.

*Those that seem to enjoy telling you that you cannot do things.....don't want you to succeed. They don't feel that way because there is something wrong with you......but because they doubt themselves. 

*You don't need to "prove" yourself to people. Over time, they tend to see the real person that you are.....and most tend to like her. Believe it......

*When he physically abuses you, swears off alcohol and then comes out of the store carrying another beer a mere four hours later.....leave him. Drive off.....fuck him and your concern about him. Let that beer take care of him because he loves it more than you. This is the truth no matter what he says. 

*Stop dancing to his tune because you are scared of him....and oh yes, fucking admit that you are. He still treats you like shit whether you please him or not.......so why would you do that dance with him? 

*Just because a man isn't with another woman doesn't mean he hasn't been unfaithful to you. Lying, deceit and abuse come in many forms.....and you should put up with none of it. 

*Don't give people free reign to stomp all over you and your life- if they get mad at the reasonable boundaries you set, that's because they are assholes and not worth your time. 

*You don't have to "settle" to have people around you. 

*You're far better off being alone than settling......and the word settling is too nice for what you have done to yourself. 

*You don't wear a mark that says abuse me....you invited those people into your life. 

*Showing them the door was much easier than you thought it would be. 

*Forgiving people is important....because not forgiving them allows all those bad feelings to eat you up from the inside out. 

*After you forgive everyone, go back and forgive the most important one again......yourself.

*You're okay now.

*Let It Be


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## Tracy (Jan 18, 2010)

I would tell my younger self:
1. You are just fine the way you are. 
2. All of the other young ladies are going through the same stuff that you are. They are no different than you. We all hurt on the inside sometimes.
3. Study and make good grades. 
4. Go to college! Don't wait until you are forty years old.
5. Never second guess yourself. Take that chance it might be the right one.
6. Find someone to talk to about all that bothers you. That is what friends are for.


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## Punkin1024 (Jan 18, 2010)

Love this thread. 

There is a country song by Brad Paisley called "Letter to Me". The song is about writing a letter to himself when he was a teen. I love that song.

What I would tell myself:

You don't have to be skinny to be attractive. There are actually men out there that find fat women attractive! (If I'd have known this, I wouldn't have dieted all my young adult life.)
There's this group out there that supports fat people, join it. 
Eat more fresh fruit and veggies. Your body will thank you.
Walk, walk, walk.
Finding a husband should not be your life goal.
Get your masters and doctorate in Psychology before you get married because you won't do it otherwise. You'll never regret it.
Be independent. Get out there and enjoy life. 

Yup, I think that about covers it!


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## Aust99 (Jan 19, 2010)

rainyday said:


> In chats and other discussions with fat women, I've noticed that the words, "I wish I'd known then" often come up when we talk about our younger selves.
> 
> If you're 30+, what do you wish you'd known when you were younger? Or what would you tell your younger self now if you could, especially regarding being fat? Answers from BBWs and SSBBWs only please.





(((((Subscribes)))))

Sitting back and taking notes ladies... thanks for the advice...


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## Aust99 (Jan 22, 2010)

I killed the thread??? Really??? There is no more advice???


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## katherine22 (Jan 22, 2010)

Aust99 said:


> (((((Subscribes)))))
> 
> Sitting back and taking notes ladies... thanks for the advice...




That I was a fucking femme fatale, fat or not. I was more than enough.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Jan 23, 2010)

What would you like to know Aust? I imagine there are enough of us with enough years under our belt to discuss anything you want!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 23, 2010)

*I'm much more intelligent than the men stupid enough to assume I am dumb


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## BBW Betty (Jan 24, 2010)

"Not having a boyfriend does not make you any less of a person. In fact, learning to take care of yourself economically, socially, and any other way will show what a strong individual you are. Don't let anyone else treat you as less."

"You are smarter than you realize. Work with the tools God gave you and do something full-filling with your life."

Oh, and subscribing.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 24, 2010)

BBW Betty said:


> "Not having a boyfriend does not make you any less of a person. In fact, learning to take care of yourself economically, socially, and any other way will show what a strong individual you are. Don't let anyone else treat you as less."




Exactly- I really like this one :bow:


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## MizzSnakeBite (Jan 24, 2010)

Don't wait for a man to "save" you. If you learn how to save yourself, you'll be a better person and attract a better man.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Jan 27, 2010)

Learn how to change your own flat tire. If you can change a flat in heels, you can do anything.


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## SocialbFly (Jan 28, 2010)

I am so brave in everything else, and i am an absolute puss at love, so i would tell my younger self to take a risk, dive in, go for it...even if it was a mistake, it was a mistake well lived.


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## Lovelyone (May 3, 2010)

I'd also add that being happy (to me) is definitely a state of mind. Waking up in a bbad mood can quickly be changed by counting all your blessings.


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## spiritangel (May 3, 2010)

That my mother is wrong and that I am lovable at any size

that I am not only worthy of love but deserve it

that I am amazing and more talented than I will know

not to be afraid to dance, sing or charge after your dreams 

and to not listen to anyone who puts you down because they will not have the amazing adventures you have had


Has anyone read the Richard Bach book running from safety where he talks to his 10 year old self?


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## CastingPearls (May 3, 2010)

Never ever EVER settle for anyone or anything. 

Don't be so quick to reason away red flags. Listen to your intuition.

Don't compromise yourself because you're afraid of making waves.
Make them. Ride them. Own them.

You are loved. You are lovely. You are unbelievably lovable.

You pissed somebody off? Good. That means you took a stand. Look for common ground, but always stay true to your convictions.

It's never too late until you're dead.


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## spiritangel (May 3, 2010)

this thread is awesome and full of so much beautiful wisdome just wanted to say thanks everyone for sharing


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## Lamia (May 7, 2010)

What people think about you really and truly does not matter, but I know you care too much and won't stop limiting yourself because of it. 

When a guy is hanging around you and always asking you questions and being interested in what you have to say that means he like you. If you're not sure ask him. Guys like the direct approach. Guys do not normally waste time getting to know a girl they're aren't romantically interested in. (this doesn't count if they're always asking you about your cute friend)

If you get a bad feeling about something act on it, don't wait for it to play out. 

Someone yelling "fatty" at you is their shame not yours. 

Salon products really are better for your hair than the store

Spending time with someone isn't always about you, sometimes it's about being there for someone else you selfish brat.

Eat as much as you want, but make healthy choices. Stop eating processed crap! 

Stop drinking soda it's evil.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 9, 2010)

There is nothing wrong with wanting something.

There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want.

There is nothing wrong with going for the things you want from life.

It's okay to relax and take a break once in a while.

Everything around you is not falling apart or wrong.....it's just you making it seem that way because of what's wrong inside of you. 

The people around you are not always automatically better than you are...even if they act like it and try to convince you of it.


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## CastingPearls (May 9, 2010)

You're far more than 'good enough' for a runner-up. You're the grand prize.

Even if ten men are chasing you- if they aren't what you want - don't let them catch you just because there's no one more suitable on the immediate horizon.

You're not your mother. You're not becoming your mother. You have the blessings and curses of being her child but you get to choose whether or not to follow her example. 

You can have a happy childhood. The second one is up to you.

Stop looking over your shoulder and move forward with your life. Let the dead bury the dead.

Even classy women have the right to say Go Fuck Yourself.


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## snuggletiger (May 18, 2010)

I would tell my younger self
1. Don't gamble. Costs too much money.
2. The cute girl with the bitch attitude really is a stinky loser. And no amount of shine can make her look redeemable
3. You will always have it better then billions of poor slops out there so don't feel a twinge of regret because you are blessed. Enjoy the blessings.
4. Don't be indecisive. Make a decision and go with it. 30 second shot clocks are for people who think too much.
5. Don't apologize.


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## LovelyLiz (May 18, 2010)

snuggletiger said:


> I would tell my younger self
> 1. Don't gamble. Costs too much money.
> 2. The cute girl with the bitch attitude really is a stinky loser. And no amount of shine can make her look redeemable
> 3. You will always have it better then billions of poor slops out there so don't feel a twinge of regret because you are blessed. Enjoy the blessings.
> ...



You've learned some interesting things in your life as a fat woman, snuggletiger...


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## snuggletiger (May 18, 2010)

thats talent


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 18, 2010)

*it's not him that you're having trouble trusting but rather yourself


*just because you've slipped, more than once, doesn't mean that you won't get it right the next time

*sometimes the obvious shouldn't be ignored- there is something to be said for average


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## BubbleButtBabe (May 26, 2010)

Stop worrying so much..Life is going to be how it is going to be and worrying about it wont change things..

If you want real change in your life then make it happen for yourself and no one else!

Travel more while you have the chance,before you body get so broke down it betrays you more then it gives you joy!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 26, 2010)

*You're not always wrong

*You're allowed to make a mistake once in a while

*If you make a mistake, there are not always dire consequences

*People don't always dislike you the way you think they do

*Breath- it will be okay. 

*You are normal.


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## lypeaches (May 27, 2010)

I didn't see these little nuggets listed yet....

#1 Before you get married or seriously entangled with a man, take a good, long, hard look at his family, their dynamic, even their health issues, including mental health issues. 

This does not mean necessarily that you should pass up "the one" despite problematic family issues, but it pays to go into a situation with your eyes wide open. It matters more than you think it will. 

#2 Ditto the money issues. In terms of a relationship, it matters more than you think it will. Have a concrete plan on how you plan to deal with finances with a partner.


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## Sensualbbwcurves (May 27, 2010)

I would just live and love myself...and tell myself to live OUT loud no matter how much I weigh! Don't listen to all the negative that surrounded me and experience myself as LOVE...plain and simple.
Although I can't go back and rearrange things, I try to make sure that I change my way of thinking, so that my daughter can live her life out loud regardless of what weight she'll end up being.


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## Punkin1024 (May 30, 2010)

lypeaches said:


> I didn't see these little nuggets listed yet....
> 
> #1 Before you get married or seriously entangled with a man, take a good, long, hard look at his family, their dynamic, even their health issues, including mental health issues.
> 
> ...



You are so on target with these "little nuggets".


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## goofy girl (Jun 1, 2010)

Don't just say "if it's meant to be it will be"...but say it and believe it. 

Don't make time limits for yourself. Everything will happen exactly as it should. Work towards a goal but don't force it. 

You don't need to do what everyone expects you to. Do things for yourself that you REALLY really want. 

Take care of yourself...mind, body and spirit. 

There's no right or wrong, just what feels right and what feels wrong. (as long as it's legal haha)

Know yourself better than you know anyone else. Too many women take too much effort knowing, and doing, and being for too many other people and don't even take the time to know who they are. 

Have adventures, take journeys and go places you never thought you would. 

Family is important. Don't learn that lesson when it's too late.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Jun 1, 2010)

lypeaches said:


> I didn't see these little nuggets listed yet....
> 
> #1 Before you get married or seriously entangled with a man, take a good, long, hard look at his family, their dynamic, even their health issues, including mental health issues.
> 
> ...



Yes, yes, and yes to these. :bow:



goofy girl said:


> There's no right or wrong, just what feels right and what feels wrong. (as long as it's legal *in some states* haha)



^^ I fixed it for you.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 1, 2010)

goofy girl said:


> Know yourself better than you know anyone else. Too many women take too much effort knowing, and doing, and being for too many other people and don't even take the time to know who they are.




This.

Believe it.

Know it. 


:bow:


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## lypeaches (Jun 2, 2010)

Don't forget to moisturize your neck.


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## mossystate (Jun 2, 2010)

Second chances are great, depending on the situation. If the other person refuses to see how they use...do not continue giving chances.

There is a fine line between support...and basically saying you are not worthy of basic decency and consideration.

Respect yourself, and expect others to do the same.


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## LovelyLiz (Jun 3, 2010)

lypeaches said:


> Don't forget to moisturize your neck.



I mean this in all seriousness -- can you explain this one a little more? I don't moisturize my neck...what's going to happen to it?! 

(If this is a euphemism for something, I'm totally out of the loop.)


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## lypeaches (Jun 3, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> I mean this in all seriousness -- can you explain this one a little more? I don't moisturize my neck...what's going to happen to it?!
> 
> (If this is a euphemism for something, I'm totally out of the loop.)



lol..well, it's kind of a joke, but not really. Your neck is typically the first place on your body that shows wrinkles. My sister and I were laughing about it the other day... lamenting the fact that over the years we had spent a fair amount of money on anti-wrinkle / moisturizing products for our faces, but never gave a thought to our necks / chest area.


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## LovelyLiz (Jun 3, 2010)

lypeaches said:


> lol..well, it's kind of a joke, but not really. Your neck is typically the first place on your body that shows wrinkles. My sister and I were laughing about it the other day... lamenting the fact that over the years we had spent a fair amount of money on anti-wrinkle / moisturizing products for our faces, but never gave a thought to our necks / chest area.



Ah, I see what you mean. Thanks


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## MizzSnakeBite (Jun 3, 2010)

mossystate said:


> Second chances are great, depending on the situation. If the other person refuses to see how they use...do not continue giving chances.
> 
> There is a fine line between support...and basically saying you are not worthy of basic decency and consideration.
> 
> Respect yourself, and expect others to do the same.



You need to put "Wise One" back as your title.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 5, 2010)

lypeaches said:


> lol..well, it's kind of a joke, but not really. Your neck is typically the first place on your body that shows wrinkles. My sister and I were laughing about it the other day... lamenting the fact that over the years we had spent a fair amount of money on anti-wrinkle / moisturizing products for our faces, but never gave a thought to our necks / chest area.




This is true. I am often told that I look young for my age. However, I have the upper chest of a 55 year old. That particular area of skin never handled the sun well.


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