# I need your thoughts on HOT bodies.....



## Tarella (Dec 10, 2007)

Hmmm I am not exactly sure how to write this post, if I really should write this post, or what I am trying to do by writing it but here goes....


As of late, I have been confused by my boyfriend and I am seeking some thoughts on this topic.

I know and have known since shortly after I met my boyfriend in person that he accepted me as I am. In fact most of the time he has encouraged me to just be myself and I can tell from his words and his actions that he adores me physically and mentally. The problem that has sometimes cropped up from time to time is my difficulty understanding how someone can truly find a wide variety of peoples physical bodies "hot". He has commented in passing conversations that he finds this person or that persons body 'hot'. Most of the time these 'hot' bodied comments are in regards to thinner women. A lot less often, he might comment that a BBW type of woman looked 'hot' etc....the latest as of last night.....he described Jamie Lee Curtis's body as 'hot'. And for some reason last night, it really finally all caught up to me and I wondered to myself: How can he think Jamie Lee Curtis's body is "hot" but at the same time think my body is "hot". I have to tell you that "Jamie Lee Curtis's body is probably the furthest in comparision to my body. I perceive her body to be taut, cut, muscular, thin, angular and more manly than many female bodies........my body is sooooo sooooo different than that. I was left feeling frustrated and confused. We discussed the issue of how I felt and how he couldnt really explain this 'hot' body stuff to me well enough for me to understand how he can find Jamie Lee Curtis's body "hot" at the same time as finding my body "hot". I just don't get it and he didn't seem to understand why I couldnt.

Please don't get me wrong.....he lavishes attention, kisses, affection, and loving caresses on my body all the time. I told him though, that probably due to my past history of scars from physical beauty perceptions (realistic and unrealistic) that I might have over reacted to this whole thing; however, at the same time, I am left wondering if what his true ideal is....there is such a crevasse of difference. I also expressed to him that when he points out, time and time again in descriptions about who has a 'hot' body, and that the majority of those body types being thin or hollywood type bodies, that it makes me more insecure about my body type and I question more and more if he truly likes my body. I asked him if he would like it if I pointed out a certain body type to be hot that was not any where close to his type of body. He said it wouldnt bother him....I dont believe that.

I know it all probably sounds convoluted in how I express this. I know that usually I am pretty secure in who I am, this time though it really makes me question what is going on in his mind. I can't seem to get it through my head that someone could consider my body hot at the same time as saying a thin woman (stereotypically trophy type bodied) is hot.

Am I confused or is he confused about what is "hot" or has society screwed us all up with this size discrimination? I know rationally that people can find many people attractive...of all shapes and sizes....I guess its just that the majority of the time when he talks about "hot" bodies or"hotties"......they are thinner women.

Give me your thoughts

Thanks 


Tara


----------



## Tina (Dec 10, 2007)

Hi Tara. Nice to see you around again.  Some people do find wide variety of bodies, looks, personalities, hot. For instance, I find Vin Diesel hot, also George Clooney. Also John Goodman, and Kevin Smith. Then again, I like lots of different kinds of music, movies, books, ethnicities in food, etc. Why must one just stick with one type or genre that interests, elates, excites us? Eclecticism is kind of a trademark of mine, and I dig it, because the more things we enjoy, the more we enjoy life, IMO. 

*ETA*: I should add that my husband can find thinner women beautiful, too, just not sexually appealing. There is a difference. Maybe the two of you really need to have a talk so you better understand each other?


----------



## AnnMarie (Dec 10, 2007)

I've met a few guys who can find a 120lbs woman as sexy as a 350lbs woman. They're rare, but they do exist. 

I'd go by the way he treats you and makes you feel... although if these things he says make you feel somewhat insecure, then that is an issue you should discuss with him. It sounds like his admiration, devotion, and respect for you far outweigh these occasional mentions of celebrities though, and that's a thing to weigh very heavily (as it seems you do... you know what's "really" important.)

I'd have the same conversation if I were you. It doesn't mean he's wrong or doing anything wrong, but it would _personally _bother me. I don't really want to be with a guy who can find a 110lbs actress' body "hot"... now if he thinks she's pretty, that's fine.

I'd be far happier with "she's so damn pretty... but not fat enough for me!".


----------



## PamelaLois (Dec 10, 2007)

Tina said:


> Hi Tara. Nice to see you around again.  Some people do find wide variety of bodies, looks, personalities, hot. For instance, I find Vin Diesel hot, also George Clooney. Also John Goodman, and Kevin Smith. Then again, I like lots of different kinds of music, movies, books, ethnicities in food, etc. Why must one just stick with one type or genre that interests, elates, excites us? Eclecticism is kind of a trademark of mine, and I dig it, because the more things we enjoy, the more we enjoy life, IMO.



Exactly what I would have said


----------



## southernfa (Dec 10, 2007)

True confessions...

I can remember two female strangers who brought me out in a stuttering, cold sweat at a distance. One was a sales rep who was trying to get my account. She was very slim and incredibly feminine. Looking back she wasn't "my type" at all, but she still had the effect. And she knew it.
The other was a mother behind me at a checkout. She was a very large lady, in a cheap shapeless dress, and she was so hungry she had opened a packet of luncheon sausage and was eating slices before it went through. There was something about the wanton desire that was an incredible turn-on.
Naturally being a gentleman I did nothing on either occasion; but I've never forgotten either.
So there you go, yes, categorically, it is possible to be attracted to more than one body type.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Dec 10, 2007)

I have a good friend who's over 200 pounds who I find insanely, totally, and completely hot. He's incredibley sexy and makes me weak in the knees just thinking about him. He has a soft little double chin, a wonderfully broad torso and gut, thick and VERY sexy legs and the nicest love handles in recorded history.

I'm currently seeing a skinny guy who's around 130 pounds who I also think is hot. He's taut, muscley, and really strong. When his shirt is off I can see every muscle and tendon, and watching him work out really is poetry in motion. Seriously a work of art.

I don't see anything weird about finding two different men to be attractive. None of this means I'm going to find every fat guy or every skinny guy to be appealing, just these two. I don't see where it's any different from liking, say, both dark chocolate and pizza. They taste different, but both taste good, and not one better than the other.


----------



## AC4400CW (Dec 11, 2007)

I also don't find it difficult to understand being attracted to women of many different sizes. For me, a woman is physically attractive based first on her face, then on the general proportions of the rest of her. 

Although I eventually married a BBW, I wasn't searching for Miss Right based strictly on physical attributes. I think it's important to have the emotional depth to find what's pleasing physically about someone who is desirable intellectually. In that respect, a man who is only attracted to BBWs may be just as shallow as one who rejects them based on their size. The fact that your boyfriend finds hotness among multiple body types is what I would consider a healthy sign that he appreciates you for being you. If he only went for BBWs it might suggest he's into you more for your body.


----------



## tattooU (Dec 11, 2007)

As everyone else has mentioned, physical attraction can be more than just overall shape. Maybe it's the eyes of one person, the smile of another, the legs of another and the attitude of another. My own crushes have no rhyme or reason, they range from James Spader to Gary Dourdan to Alton Brown (a man who can cook makes me weak in the knees :blush And my own husband looks nothing like any of these men! But i don't find him any less attractive :wubu:

i've worked with only men for the past 4 years and i'm convinced a man can be mesmerized by a single feature and disregard everything else. i'm more of a whole picture kinda gal myself...but hey, i try not to judge the butt and breast ogling at work LOL


----------



## southernfa (Dec 11, 2007)

Tarella said:


> this time though it really makes me question what is going on in his mind.



One of the lovely things about men is we really are that simple. If we honestly mean what we say, then thats all there is; there are no layers of meaning, no subtleties. Your man says and acts like he finds you attractive. That really is the end of the story. There is nothing else going on in there.

[Down here there is an ad running at the moment that features a dinner party of friends with one women who cracks the joke "When a man says he isn't thinking about anything................ he really means it!".]


----------



## stan_der_man (Dec 11, 2007)

I agree with the others here that how he treats you is the most important thing. I can completely understand a guy being able to find thin women attractive, this doesn't necessarily lessen his appreciation for larger figures (such as your's.)

I also wouldn't read too much into your observation that he seems to be commenting more on thin women being "hot". Very likely, he isn't consciously emphasizing the "hot" thin women he points out over the "hot" fat women. There is simply more imagery of thin women out there in the general media than there is imagery of fat women. If his comments bother you, talk to him about it. He is the only one who can fully explain his comments.


----------



## furious styles (Dec 11, 2007)

I summon the master of the diverse taste palette ...

JON BLAZE! *performs awakening spell*

As for myself, I'm only attracted sexually to bigger girls. So I would never refer to thinner women as "hot." I might say "attractive," but I wouldn't mean it in anything other than a facial way.


----------



## stan_der_man (Dec 11, 2007)

Tarella, tell your boyfriend I think *you* are hot...




Also just for the record, I wasn't suggesting you have a "we need to talk" moment with your bo... I would never wish that upon my fellow man.


----------



## panhype (Dec 11, 2007)

Tarella said:


> (...) The problem that has sometimes cropped up from time to time is my difficulty understanding how someone can truly find a wide variety of peoples physical bodies "hot". He has commented in passing conversations that he finds this person or that persons body 'hot'. Most of the time these 'hot' bodied comments are in regards to thinner women. A lot less often, he might comment that a BBW type of woman looked 'hot' etc (...)



I'm in the same boat as your boyfriend. I can find almost the entire range of female 'shapes' "hot". Even skinnier girls, to a certain limit at least. What doesn't happen that often though 

I can't speak for your boyfriend. But for me the physical attributes are just a 'scheme' that comes to 'life' by the way a particular lady moves, dresses, talks ... by her overall presence. And by her personality. All those qualities can make a 'skinnier' girl look hot for me. In other words, "hot" is not just physical quality.

Ok, i could have made things simpler by just telling that i don't have a straightforward body type preference


----------



## liz (di-va) (Dec 11, 2007)

I'm gonna make one little point here about something that'd effect how I'd feel in this situation. I really do understand how people can find lots of types attractive. I really do. *I* do. From spindly dudes to redwood trees, in terms of size.

But..."hot." That word is so hot-button, such the word du jour. You say he uses it more about skinny than fat women and _that_ I think would bother me. "Hot" as people use it seems to be reserved for the socially sanctioned as fuckable chicks who represent current beauty ideals the strongest. Younger. Skinnier. Whatever. If somebody found that term not as applicable to fat girls...I think it'd bother me. If somebody felt like they had to haul out careful PC terms to describe their lust for fat girls (NOT saying he's doing that--just making a point), instead of just saying "she's hot," then that would rub me the wrong way. 

This probably seems like men's worst nightmare of women's hair-splitting minutiae-obsessed randomized interpersonal it's-not-WHAT-you-say, it's-HOW-you-say-it crap . hehehe. But it's one of those things, esp. as language person, that would--and has--bothered me. We get to be "hot" too.


----------



## k1009 (Dec 11, 2007)

I wouldn't date a guy who preferred only fat chicks or thin ones, there's just no appeal in someone like that so I can definitely understand how a bloke could find all sizes attractive. From a purely aesthetic point of view I find the female body absolutely fascinating from borderline anorexic models to those pushing 500 pounds, the rolls, the hipbones, double chins, cheeks so hollow you could store winter's worth of food, you know how it goes. I don't have any trouble believing a man might feel the same way.

Maybe your problem is that you're trying to wrap your head around this concept as it relates to you? If you're feeling hurt or even just confused you might be looking to put a bad spin on the situation to make yourself feel better. I don't have any real advice except to let you know that I've dated guys who find me attractive when I'm thin and when I'm plump, as well as a hottie who went out with me on and off from plump to plain old fat. These men exist!


----------



## autopaint-1 (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Tara, there are a few ways to look at this. One is that he's with you, not out looking for anyone else. Also, I don't know if I'd use the words "Hot Body" but there are plenty of very pretty woman of all shapes and sizes that I am attracted to. That doesn't mean that if I had my choice I'd want to be with them instead my wife. Men will always look. You can say it's the nature of the beast but, looking and acting are two different things. I don't know about other men in here but when I see my wife, I don't see her as a specific body type. I see her as my wife, the individule. As to who he finds hot you have to understand that these images are fantasy. The woman who he claims to have "hot bodies" don't look like that in real life. I would hope that the typical male who claims to be a FA is in reality able to see beauty in all (well most) body types and really see woman as individules and not just body types. While I may prefer to live with a woman who isn't thin, that isn't to say there are no pretty/sexy thin woman. I'm just able to see beauty in many physical types. That doesn't make me weird, it makes me heterosexual. Now as to Jamie Lee Curtis, I'm sure your BF is a nice guy but, well to each their own. I wouldn't worry about his comments. He must feel secure enough in your relationship, that he can share these feelings with you. I'd be willing to bet that every man in here envy's him because he's fortunate enough to be in a relationship with you.


----------



## Tad (Dec 11, 2007)

Warning: lots of opinions ahead. They are worth you pay for them. Your mileage may vary. These are based on nothing but my own observations, so may match no reality other than my own. Buyer beware. Take with a cup full of salt. No warranty express or implied, etc. Also, it is long. Youve been warned  

Im going to start off copying in a piece I have up on my web page (I may have posted it on the old boards once upon a time, I dont remember)



> I have a theory about attraction. Most of us have numerous "hot buttons," things that attract us or turn us on. Some are physical features, some mental, some are character traits or characteristic ways of moving.
> 
> For most people, these hot buttons are fairly varied, and sometimes even mutually exclusive. All the same, often a number of them cluster together such that you will tend to find them in one person. One person might like, amongst other things: "softness," "largeness," and "big bellies," while another may have a cluster of: "double chins," "full hips," "large thighs," and "big appetite." They will both be FAs, but for very different reasons, and while they may be attracted to some of the same women, they may often be attracted to very different women too. On top of those hot buttons that make them FAs, they may have preferences in face shape, hair colour, personalities, education, fashion sense, and myriad of other things that will cause them to prefer one woman of a certain size over another, and may at times even cause them to fall for a woman that isn't at all like their general physical preference.
> 
> ...



That is a several year old piece, but it still mostly describes how I feel. But Ill add some more to it.

Im an FA, no question of it. Since at least puberty, and probably before, Ive preferred soft and curvy women. But sometimes muscular and athletic women will take my breath away, when they are doing something. The way their body flows and moves is just awesome. Not that Id ever be inclined to link up with such a woman, but seeing a top sprinter running for example, I often would describe as hot. And it is not just muscular athletic women. For example Halle Barre, when she has a certain sort of half-smile on her face: incredibly hot to me. Some thin but curvy women move in just the right way that totally hits my hot button. And so on.

So, if you happen to think a variety of womens bodies are hot, which types do you think will most often be shown in flattering light in our culture? So how often do you think youd see hot examples of those different body types? In my case, despite being pretty heavily an FA, I still see more hot thin women than I do hot big women (outside of Dimensions). Just because I see so many more thin women, even if a far smaller portion of them appear hot to me, Ill still see more of them.

So, the fact that he sees some thin women as hot, and more often sees those than hot fat women, I would not think is really a cause for concern, from a relationship point of view. Whether or not it appeals to your ideal of how you would like life to be, I dont know, and this could be an issue of sorts. This is maybe not as big an issue as is he really into me, but it is still a big issue. How we want to be appreciated is, I think, almost as important as being appreciated. To take a different example, imagine that you thought you were doing a great job at work, and one day your boss talks to you, and says you are such a great employee, because you always remember your co-workers birthdays. What about all the other stuff youve achieved, that is what you want to be appreciated for, but all that is being recognized is something that you view as a minor kindness. So I wonder, in the inner-most sanctuary of your thoughts, how would you like to be appreciated? How would you like him to view you versus other women? (Im not saying to respond here, just to think about it). Once you are clear what you want and need in that regard, maybe there is something you can talk to him about, or maybe how he appreciates and how you would like to be appreciated will never line up exactly, and once you realize that you can find ways to live with it. (I know my wife and I are mismatched in this regard to a fair degree, but we rub along quite well all the same now. It did cause some friction earlier on, before we each accepted this). 

But the whole mentioning to you that another woman is hot? That would bug me. I know some guys think this is something like the ultimate expression of trust and comfort, but for me it seems disrespectful. If it was not for the thin women part, would it bug you? (that is, if he only mentioned how hot other fat women were). If it would, then maybe that is something you could ask, in some nice way, that he not do? If it is only about the thin women, well, maybe you could get that message to him too? I dont know your relationship at all, but often even without a we need to talk type moment, it is possible to get your opinions across pretty clearly.

Best of luck, and wishes for contentment and happiness.

-Ed


----------



## TraciJo67 (Dec 11, 2007)

Tarella said:


> Hmmm I am not exactly sure how to write this post, if I really should write this post, or what I am trying to do by writing it but here goes....
> 
> 
> As of late, I have been confused by my boyfriend and I am seeking some thoughts on this topic.
> ...




My situation is passingly similar, but in reverse. My husband likes soft, curvy, well-rounded figures. His preference is for a woman at least 50 pounds heavier than I currently am. *My* preference for myself is to be 10 pounds lighter than I currently am. I know that he loves me, but I also know that he thinks that I am too thin (and by the way, I'm 5'6" and weigh close to 160 pounds ... I'm not exactly anorexic here). I don't fault him for his preference, but it's still not a great situation for either of us to find ourselves in. He wants me to, at the very least, stop losing weight. I want to be comfortable with myself. Impasse. 

I say "passingly similar" because you find yourself with a man who *does* lavish you with attention & affection, and thinks that you are beautiful just as you are. Count yourself among the fortunate, and stop worrying about the disparity between yourself and other women that he also happens to find hot. He likes women in all ranges of sizes. He's a keeper


----------



## mediaboy (Dec 11, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> I've met a few guys who can find a 120lbs woman as sexy as a 350lbs woman. They're rare, but they do exist.
> 
> ...words...
> 
> I'd be far happier with "she's so damn pretty... but not fat enough for me!".




I think I fall into both categories with a major tenancy towards the latter statement. On the rare occasion that I am turned on by a skinny girl the first thought I have immediately after the initial "omg hello nurse..." is speculation as to how much more attractive she would look if she were heavier.


----------



## Tarella (Dec 11, 2007)

Tina said:


> Hi Tara. Nice to see you around again.  Some people do find wide variety of bodies, looks, personalities, hot. For instance, I find Vin Diesel hot, also George Clooney. Also John Goodman, and Kevin Smith. Then again, I like lots of different kinds of music, movies, books, ethnicities in food, etc. Why must one just stick with one type or genre that interests, elates, excites us? Eclecticism is kind of a trademark of mine, and I dig it, because the more things we enjoy, the more we enjoy life, IMO.
> 
> *ETA*: I should add that my husband can find thinner women beautiful, too, just not sexually appealing. There is a difference. Maybe the two of you really need to have a talk so you better understand each other?



Thank you Tina! It is so nice to have your reply. The replies on this thread have helped. Interestingly enough, I have never been confused in regards to this topic as I too, find a variety of men and their different body types attractive. Thanks for your sincere reply.

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 11, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> I've met a few guys who can find a 120lbs woman as sexy as a 350lbs woman. They're rare, but they do exist.
> 
> I'd go by the way he treats you and makes you feel... although if these things he says make you feel somewhat insecure, then that is an issue you should discuss with him. It sounds like his admiration, devotion, and respect for you far outweigh these occasional mentions of celebrities though, and that's a thing to weigh very heavily (as it seems you do... you know what's "really" important.)
> 
> ...




LOL I would be happier too with that last comment

Thanks for your reply

Sincerely,

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 11, 2007)

AC4400CW said:


> In that respect, a man who is only attracted to BBWs may be just as shallow as one who rejects them based on their size. The fact that your boyfriend finds hotness among multiple body types is what I would consider a healthy sign that he appreciates you for being you.



Thanks AC4400CW, that is an excellent point. 

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 11, 2007)

southernfa said:


> One of the lovely things about men is we really are that simple. If we honestly mean what we say, then thats all there is; there are no layers of meaning, no subtleties. Your man says and acts like he finds you attractive. That really is the end of the story. There is nothing else going on in there.
> 
> [Down here there is an ad running at the moment that features a dinner party of friends with one women who cracks the joke "When a man says he isn't thinking about anything................ he really means it!".]



I am often guilty of trying to see too much in a situation, or behavior, or comment. I think that this is true of women more so than men. Thanks for reminding me about this aspect. I have to try and remember that.....too much analysis gets me into trouble at times

Thanks again,

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 11, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> I agree with the others here that how he treats you is the most important thing. I can completely understand a guy being able to find thin women attractive, this doesn't necessarily lessen his appreciation for larger figures (such as your's.)
> 
> I also wouldn't read too much into your observation that he seems to be commenting more on thin women being "hot". Very likely, he isn't consciously emphasizing the "hot" thin women he points out over the "hot" fat women. There is simply more imagery of thin women out there in the general media than there is imagery of fat women. If his comments bother you, talk to him about it. He is the only one who can fully explain his comments.



FA_Man_Stan,

Thank you for the reply and also the compliment. Everyone's comments have helped me realize to not get too tied up into his comments but to react to his actions and how he treats me more. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Sincerely,

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 11, 2007)

liz (di-va) said:


> I'm gonna make one little point here about something that'd effect how I'd feel in this situation. I really do understand how people can find lots of types attractive. I really do. *I* do. From spindly dudes to redwood trees, in terms of size.
> 
> But..."hot." That word is so hot-button, such the word du jour. You say he uses it more about skinny than fat women and _that_ I think would bother me. "Hot" as people use it seems to be reserved for the socially sanctioned as fuckable chicks who represent current beauty ideals the strongest. Younger. Skinnier. Whatever. If somebody found that term not as applicable to fat girls...I think it'd bother me. If somebody felt like they had to haul out careful PC terms to describe their lust for fat girls (NOT saying he's doing that--just making a point), instead of just saying "she's hot," then that would rub me the wrong way.
> 
> This probably seems like men's worst nightmare of women's hair-splitting minutiae-obsessed randomized interpersonal it's-not-WHAT-you-say, it's-HOW-you-say-it crap . hehehe. But it's one of those things, esp. as language person, that would--and has--bothered me. We get to be "hot" too.



Yes, perhaps this is part of what made the situation not sit well with me. Maybe its because I wish there werent societally driven labels, or perhaps I wish that these labels didnt leave a person feeling that this group of people is better or valued than another group of people. Ie. 'hot' thin trophy women versus the rest of us.....I know that my boyfriend didn't say this to me as a slam to me but somehow it does make me feel "lesser than"*shrugs*

I don't know. I think this is something that irritates me and those that label people that way. I have always tried hard not to place labels on people. 

Thanks for your perspective Liz*S*

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 11, 2007)

autopaint-1 said:


> Hi Tara, there are a few ways to look at this. One is that he's with you, not out looking for anyone else. Also, I don't know if I'd use the words "Hot Body" but there are plenty of very pretty woman of all shapes and sizes that I am attracted to. That doesn't mean that if I had my choice I'd want to be with them instead my wife. Men will always look. You can say it's the nature of the beast but, looking and acting are two different things. I don't know about other men in here but when I see my wife, I don't see her as a specific body type. I see her as my wife, the individule. As to who he finds hot you have to understand that these images are fantasy. The woman who he claims to have "hot bodies" don't look like that in real life. I would hope that the typical male who claims to be a FA is in reality able to see beauty in all (well most) body types and really see woman as individules and not just body types. While I may prefer to live with a woman who isn't thin, that isn't to say there are no pretty/sexy thin woman. I'm just able to see beauty in many physical types. That doesn't make me weird, it makes me heterosexual. Now as to Jamie Lee Curtis, I'm sure your BF is a nice guy but, well to each their own. I wouldn't worry about his comments. He must feel secure enough in your relationship, that he can share these feelings with you. I'd be willing to bet that every man in here envy's him because he's fortunate enough to be in a relationship with you.



Hi Dave, Thanks for your reply. I agree with you and have always felt that the sign of a good relationship is when the two people involved feel comfortable enough to share deeper feelings with one another. We certainly are able to do that. I guess I have to let him know though, that sometimes, I am sensitive and have been affected by size discrimination. This has made me more sensitive to "hot" body type of comments than I would care to be. I will ask him not to always share so much about skinny perfect 'hot' bodies and encourage me to tell me more about the perfect soft fat, round bodies out there

*Hugs*

LTNS...hope you are well


Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 11, 2007)

edx said:


> So I wonder, in the inner-most sanctuary of your thoughts, how would you like to be appreciated? How would you like him to view you versus other women? (Im not saying to respond here, just to think about it). Once you are clear what you want and need in that regard, maybe there is something you can talk to him about, or maybe how he appreciates and how you would like to be appreciated will never line up exactly, and once you realize that you can find ways to live with it.
> 
> But the whole mentioning to you that another woman is hot? That would bug me. I know some guys think this is something like the ultimate expression of trust and comfort, but for me it seems disrespectful.
> 
> -Ed




As always Ed you add such great posts and often with a unique perspective. I really appreciate everyone who have posted responses. I really like the suggestion to examine how I want to be appreciated. It truly gets to the deeper issues.

It does bug me when he mentions other "hot' women. I do like that he feels comfortable and trusts me enough to discuss his preferences and attractions but it does hurt my feelings at times. I usually like when we can share openly and honestly about these things. I don't want him to stop sharing with me but I wouldnt mind him holding back a bit of his descriptions as it makes me feel a bit like I am being compared to these ladies.

*hugs* Thanks so much for the sincere reply and an early Merry Christmas to a former Manitoban

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 11, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Count yourself among the fortunate, and stop worrying about the disparity between yourself and other women that he also happens to find hot. He likes women in all ranges of sizes. He's a keeper



You are right TRaciJo67, I really do and should count myself fortunate. He makes me feel adored and pampered and loved. You are right, I have to stop worrying about the disparity and he is Definately a keeper.

Thanks for your reply,

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for your replies. Lately I have wanted to join in and post again here but always find that I dont have much to say that is new or feel that if I do post, someone might make a sharp remark.:shocked: I also don't want to come across as trying to give out advice, but I definately appreciate getting some advice and feedback from everyone here.

Thanks to everyone,
Sincerely,

Tara


----------



## fanofdimensions (Dec 11, 2007)

everyone who knows me knows I tend to prefer curvier women....I like curvy women of all sizes from pleasantly plump to much much larger....my friends have had to listen to me explain why I find a woman who's say, 300 lbs or more a totally hot babe, while my friends are like "whaaa?" but for me it's not a "fetish" - it's just how my brain is built. To me I can't understand why people don't find a gorgeous woman who just happens to be anywhere from 200-500 lbs - I'm like "why are you folks not seeing this?"

that said, I also find some thin women (mostly Japanese or Korean actresses in all the movies I see) just as attractive, some might say "despite" them being thin, I dunno about that, for me it's just that I am not tied to any one definition of beauty, it really is all about appreciating people, and if some are thinner and most aren't well that's how it is (for me anyway)...if someone radiates a good vibe, that's what's most attractive.

it sounds from your post , though that you have a great guy and that's awesome....and that's most important!


----------



## superodalisque (Dec 12, 2007)

fanofdimensions said:


> everyone who knows me knows I tend to prefer curvier women....I like curvy women of all sizes from pleasantly plump to much much larger....my friends have had to listen to me explain why I find a woman who's say, 300 lbs or more a totally hot babe, while my friends are like "whaaa?" but for me it's not a "fetish" - it's just how my brain is built. To me I can't understand why people don't find a gorgeous woman who just happens to be anywhere from 200-500 lbs - I'm like "why are you folks not seeing this?"
> 
> that said, I also find some thin women (mostly Japanese or Korean actresses in all the movies I see) just as attractive, some might say "despite" them being thin, I dunno about that, for me it's just that I am not tied to any one definition of beauty, it really is all about appreciating people, and if some are thinner and most aren't well that's how it is (for me anyway)...if someone radiates a good vibe, that's what's most attractive.
> 
> it sounds from your post , though that you have a great guy and that's awesome....and that's most important!




great to see this post from a guy !!! wonderfully wise

for me i find it a mark of open minded maturity in a man when he can see the beauty in several kinds of women. i do understand that people have their various preferences but sometimes i think they forget that a preference doesn't mean that a man or a woman should or can totally exclude other flavors from his/her palate. sometimes the way that i've heard the FA preference described it sounds like a toddler who refuses to eat anything but spaghetti. it puts FAdom in a bad light. it puts it on a par with men who say that only thin women can be beautiful. they are pretty, but they are not alone in this definition.

she IS truly a lucky woman. i was with a guy like that for 15 yrs until he passed away. he always treated me with so much love,respect, and passion that even as i grew from a bbw to an ssbbw i always felt desireable, and not just to a small population of men. i hadn't realized until fairly recently how the act of not treating me as an oddity had really suppported the confidence i already had. sometimes i am actually resentful that some FAs think i am a "special case". i think her guy sees her as the gorgeous woman she is, even when compared to the usual standard. i think what he means by "hot" has very little to do with body parts but it has to do with attractiveness. it includes confidence to a large proportion. unfortunately, maybe the reason he hasn't commented on bigger women being "hot" as often is because fewer larger women project that kind of confidence.

maybe women still need to get over the idea that all they are composed of is their bodies though. we need to stop comparing our bodies to those of other attractive women and enjoy the lovely one we have. the body is beautiful but its the spirit gives it the breath of life.

PS: when we say men treat us like pieces of meat are we treating them ,and perhaps turning them into, carnivorous animals. this is a question i had to ask myself too.


----------



## Tad (Dec 12, 2007)

Tarella said:


> A
> 
> *hugs* Thanks so much for the sincere reply and an early Merry Christmas to a former Manitoban



You wouldn't believe the winter we are having here this year--it almost reminds me of being a kid--more snow, less wind, not quite as cold, but at least it is a real, get out your down filled coat, boots, snow pants and toques, take the sleds to a hill to go sliding, need the snow tires, WINTER! :smitten::smitten::smitten:

-Ed, still with a tad of the Manitoban winter baby in him


----------



## superodalisque (Dec 12, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> I'd be far happier with "she's so damn pretty... but not fat enough for me!".




i adore you and agree with your post 99.99% but this little part gave me pause. why does another woman even need to be an issue if you know someone cares for you anyway? i think for a man its best to keep to the "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all rule". i notice that a lot of FAs tell me this exact thing about other women. "shes pretty, but not fat enough for me". i find it to be a turn off. to me it sounds as if he is so worried about my self esteem that he has to qualify everything he says. i feel like saying "dammit! i know i'm beautiful too" lol. i know they are just trying to be sweet but...


----------



## Joseph the Weird (Dec 12, 2007)

Personally, what I find odd, myself, is people who only find one type of person attractive. It's such an alien mindset from my point of view, that I feel people who only like fat women are closing their eyes to the variety of beauty as much as those who only like thin women. But then, I'm obviously on this board for a reason, yet my current girlfriend, who I believe to be the hottest thing on this Earth, isn't all that heavier than 100lbs, and depending on what scale you're using, is actually underweight. To me, there is no dichotomy, beauty is too complicated to be cast into types.


----------



## vcrgrrl (Dec 12, 2007)

I have to agree that I find men of different sizes attractive. I thought John Goodman was hot in his "Roseanne" Days. I also thing Jeremy Sisto is hot, and he's a totally different size.


----------



## The Orange Mage (Dec 12, 2007)

My love of the fatter figure is only PART of what gets me going...it's a LARGE part (lol pun) and definitely the main sight/touch-turn-on for me.

However, another majorly important thing that gets me going is nerdy/strange/unusual girls...you know, the odd, quiet ones....possibly dress odd or have a really unique style to everything they do. THAT'S just as important to me as being bigger.

So there's plenty of fat women who I can say get me going, but they're missing something...and there's some odd/nerdy skinny girls that I find cute and hot...but it's a combination of the two that REALLY work wonders...:smitten:

And I have a feeling most FAs are the same...there's one or two other things that "work" for them, aside from the bigger body.


----------



## Les Toil (Dec 13, 2007)

Hmmmm....I guess I'm one of the rare ones here. I, too, find a taunt, sculpted, athletic, shapely female body to be sexy as hell. Doesn't everyone?? If Gena Gershon or Salma Hayek planted a kiss on my cheek I'd swoon up to the clouds. A shapely athletic womanly body is a thing of beauty in my book, but I'm more excited about a woman with substantially more pounds. I find it difficult to believe if Salma Hayek started kissing on the average FA's neck he wouldn't get a stiffy. It's the super models that scare the poop out of me with their angular elbows and jaunting knees and protruding hand knuckles. Yuck!

But I have to admit I'm a bit perplexed your honey found Jamie Lee Curtis's body hot. Jamie Lee Curtis circa when? The mid 1980s when she was stripped to her undies in "Trading Places" and showed an awesome body that was cut like a diamond??? But if he's giddy about modern day Jamie then I sure as hell can't help ya, Tarella. He's definitely on his own there.


----------



## Chimpi (Dec 13, 2007)

autopaint-1 said:


> *He must feel secure enough in your relationship, that he can share these feelings with you.*



Quoted and put in bold for excellence. I think that's a very good prospect as to why he is doing this. And I believe it is a sure sign of a good, healthy relationship. 


These two should go being quoted because I think they're two key points:


fa_man_stan said:


> There is simply more imagery of thin women out there in the general media than there is imagery of fat women.





superodalisque said:


> unfortunately, maybe the reason he hasn't commented on bigger women being "hot" as often is because fewer larger women project that kind of confidence.



Unfortunately, there's much more of an opportunity to comment on a thin woman being "hot" than there is a large woman being "hot". All though, that might be all the better reason to pronounce the larger ladies as being "hot" more enthusiastically. Especially one (your girlfriend) in particular.  I think, and hope you find much comfort in talking with him about it bothering you, and to tone it down a little. I hope you find some happy medium where he can express his eyes' perception of human beauty and you can be satisfied with knowing that they are hot, but not hot like you!

Would it be more satisfactory for him to let you know more about the larger woman than the thinner women? Or do you think he just needs to tone it down all around?

Erin and I are open enough to let each other know when we find someone else attractive, "hot", or sexy. She knows I still find her attractive and beautiful, and I know that she thinks the same about me. But where we can say that about other people, we know that in the end we are with each other. That large lady in pink at the mall can be one hell of a sexy woman, but I'm going home to Erin tonight.


----------



## liz (di-va) (Dec 13, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> Unfortunately, there's much more of an opportunity to comment on a thin woman being "hot" than there is a large woman being "hot". All though, that might be all the better reason to pronounce the larger ladies as being "hot" more enthusiastically.



That...was my point (see above). Just as many chances to call fat folk hot.


----------



## Lamia (Dec 14, 2007)

I think it's possible to find different types sexy. I think Harrison Ford is HOT and I think Brian Denehy is HOT. John Goodman John Cusack. Duran Duran is HOT my fiance who is 6'4 300 lbs is HOT. I think it's possible to be attracted to many different body types. 

I do think he needs to stop pointing out people who are hot if it's making you feel bad. He should be willing to do that. On the other hand there are some people who can't help but comment on every person they see. :doh: Maybe some of what he says is just out of habit.


----------



## Aireman (Dec 15, 2007)

southernfa said:


> One of the lovely things about men is we really are that simple. When a man says he isn't thinking about anything................ he really means it!".]



Sad but true!


----------



## Sweet Tooth (Dec 15, 2007)

Maybe he just needs to be introduced to a good, thorough dictionary so he can find adjectives other than "hot".  But then how many guys articulate beyond what their southern brain is prodding them to say? LOL

[Yes, I'm feeling very un-PC today. Get over it.]


----------



## southernfa (Dec 15, 2007)

Sweet Tooth said:


> Maybe he just needs to be introduced to a good, thorough dictionary so he can find adjectives other than "hot".  But then how many guys articulate beyond what their southern brain is prodding them to say? LOL
> 
> [Yes, I'm feeling very un-PC today. Get over it.]



Southern brain? That's a new one! Hey, Southern brain, SouthernFA.... I hope there isn't a double entendre in there


----------



## The Orange Mage (Dec 15, 2007)

southernfa said:


> Southern brain? That's a new one! Hey, Southern brain, SouthernFA.... I hope there isn't a double entendre in there



Most men have four brains. A quick rundown:


The Brain Brain - This is the one in his skull. 20% of a man's daily thinking happens here.
The Stomach - Can be summed up as "GIMMEH FOOD!" About 30% of a man's daily thinking.
Left Testicle - Combined with the other one...
Right Testicle - ...the testicles do about 40% of a man's daily thinking.
And yes, it doesn't equal 100%. I know. It's intentional.


----------



## inlove (Dec 18, 2007)

Ha, you think your boyfriend's got it bad? I mentioned to a girl I'm sort of dating that I thought George Clooney was as hot as you could get. Whoops! talk about different body types...


----------



## LisaInNC (Dec 18, 2007)

Tarella, 
For the record, I think you are smoking hot! Werent we supposed to be lesbian lovers? Anyway, you should consider this; he thinks thin girls are hot, he thinks you are hot....he picked you...nuff said.


----------



## ZainTheInsane (Dec 18, 2007)

I feel the same way your boyfriend does...not specifically about Jamie Lee Curtis, or whoever...but I do find both thin and big girls attractive. To me it really depends on the face, and what features are there. Beyond that, I have basic concepts of what I find attractive in both types that turn me on. Then again, I find the whole range attractive, DEPENDING on the SPECIFIC person in question.

Note: He might mention less bbws, because he knows/has seen fewer bbws compared to thin women.

I'll split it up into some examples, and try to link some pictures to make my explanation more helpful. 
*
Thin women I find attractive:*
Scarlet Johannson
Angelina Jolie
Rachel Weisz
Evan Rachel Wood
*BBWs I find attractive:*
Courtney/Plump Princess
Former BigCutie Valerie
BigCutie Demi
Lola from bbwpinups
*SSBBWs I find attractive:*
Chickletsbbw
Carla
Large 'n' Lovely

And those are just some examples...I find all those women previously mentioned hot, and I'm currently dating a girl I find hot as well. So, just because a guy's likes range drastically, doesn't mean they aren't being honest, and most times if they're willing to TELL you other girls they find attractive, it is a sign of trust. At least in my experience. Me being a guy and all 

And I'd also agree with those people who talk about how he treats you. If he treats you well, and loves you for you, then I don't see anything wrong with that.


----------



## Tarella (Dec 19, 2007)

LisaInNC said:


> Tarella,
> For the record, I think you are smoking hot! Werent we supposed to be lesbian lovers? Anyway, you should consider this; he thinks thin girls are hot, he thinks you are hot....he picked you...nuff said.



LOL Lisa!!
You of all people could make me bisexual You are one hot hottie You are right!


----------



## Tarella (Dec 19, 2007)

ZainTheInsane said:


> I feel the same way your boyfriend does...not specifically about Jamie Lee Curtis, or whoever...but I do find both thin and big girls attractive. To me it really depends on the face, and what features are there. Beyond that, I have basic concepts of what I find attractive in both types that turn me on. Then again, I find the whole range attractive, DEPENDING on the SPECIFIC person in question.
> 
> Note: He might mention less bbws, because he knows/has seen fewer bbws compared to thin women.
> 
> ...



Hi there,

Thanks for taking the time to reply. You posted a great collection of lovely beautiful women and you explained this subject well. I think sometimes it is hard to understand that men can like all sizes because while growing up many BBW's (myself included) are made to feel like no one would find us hot. When we are teenagers and young adults we have a less global view of the world....more black and white version. I know I sure did. It's like we have an all-fat or not-fat view of the population because that's how we are treated. It's either you are skinny and we want to date you....or you are fat and we dont want to date you. Little do we realize that there is a continuim. The posted images that you have shared show part of that continuim. 

Oh I am rambling...

Thanks again

Tara


----------



## ZainTheInsane (Dec 19, 2007)

Tarella said:


> Hi there,
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to reply. You posted a great collection of lovely beautiful women and you explained this subject well. I think sometimes it is hard to understand that men can like all sizes because while growing up many BBW's (myself included) are made to feel like no one would find us hot. When we are teenagers and young adults we have a less global view of the world....more black and white version. I know I sure did. It's like we have an all-fat or not-fat view of the population because that's how we are treated. It's either you are skinny and we want to date you....or you are fat and we dont want to date you. Little do we realize that there is a continuim. The posted images that you have shared show part of that continuim.
> 
> ...



I think honestly the most important part, especially once the male mind is allowed to mature and come to realize its own unique views and thoughts, as well as to build an uninfluenced view of what said male finds attractive, it is much easier to see those things. 

Like I said, I like certain facial features, and it carries through no matter the size of the woman. Though a strong jaw-line, high-cheekbones, and beautiful eyes may not look the same when a girl is 200 pounds heavier than another girl with similar features, this doesn't mean a guy can't tell she has them. Plus, at least in my mind, it is an instaneous ability to recognize these features which lends itself towards attraction, not a truly conscious reasoning process.

Other features may differ depending on size...for instance, a man may find a woman with big hips who is plump attractive, while a woman who is thin with those same hips is considered unattractive. Proportion comes into account. For instance, does her body fit her, is she awkward, or is she shaped in such a way that is pleasing to that specific male's eyes and senses. 

Try finding subtle things that are similar between yourself and these women he points out. It may not always be blatantly obvious, and at times he might not even be able to identify them himself, because some of his innate responses come from instinct, his senses, and intuition, rather than his logical thoughts. Figure out if your personality matches, or if some asset you have is similar. Normally, at least from what I've found for myself, it is there, it just has to be looked for.

Now, obviously if you don't want to put that much time into it, don't worry about it. But know that there is a rhyme or reason to it, and like I said, and a large portion of the people who responded said...

He's with you over all those other girls. And as long as he treats you with respect, dignity, and all those things you find important in a relationship, then why worry about it? He's with you for a reason...very few guys I know of would be with someone without a compelling reason, and fewer still would act kindly towards someone they didn't want to be with.


----------



## Tad (Dec 20, 2007)

ZainTheInsane said:


> Like I said, I like certain facial features, and it carries through no matter the size of the woman. Though a strong jaw-line, high-cheekbones, and beautiful eyes may not look the same when a girl is 200 pounds heavier than another girl with similar features, this doesn't mean a guy can't tell she has them. Plus, at least in my mind, it is an instaneous ability to recognize these features which lends itself towards attraction, not a truly conscious reasoning process.
> 
> .........
> 
> Try finding subtle things that are similar between yourself and these women he points out. It may not always be blatantly obvious, and at times he might not even be able to identify them himself, because some of his innate responses come from instinct, his senses, and intuition, rather than his logical thoughts. Figure out if your personality matches, or if some asset you have is similar. Normally, at least from what I've found for myself, it is there, it just has to be looked for.



Really great points from Zain!

I know for my part the things that consistently catch my eye are certain shapes of jaw, certain combinations of skin and hair color, certain body proportions, certain eyes, particular smiles, and so on. Well, also ways of moving, attitudes, and so on. A few yeas ago I went back and looked through class pictures and yearbooks of various girls I'd crushed on in my teen years, and it was amazing how similar their faces were in various ways--and how much they are like my wife's. I had not realized it at the time, and I still could not quite describe it, but definitely I have a couple of facial types that tend to catch my eye, at any weight.

So yah, if you take the focus off of weight, you may find other things that those women have in common with you. Those will be some of his hot button things. He may prefer BBW, but those hot buttons will get his attention at any size.

Regards;

-Ed


----------



## fatluvinguy (Dec 20, 2007)

i thought for many years now i could only be sexually attracted to bbw's. its come as quite a shock to me that i've fallen trully, madly, deeply in love with a lady who's not a bbw. in fact she's quite thin. personally i never thought such a thing was possible. its kind of rocked my world on the whole concept of being an fa. while i still think fat gals are sexy, obviously other factors are more important. speaking for myself i have no idea what creates the spark of love. oh and before anyone is tempted to offer congratulations on meeting someone so special., the lady in question has absolutely no feelings for me. guess it's one of gods nasty little tricks that i should love someone who can't actually stand to be around me. so tarella be glad your man loves you and don't worry too much about these things. in the big picture his love for you is the only thing that matters. perhaps he might be a little more sensitive in the future about saying these things if they make you uncomfortable. but these are things that can be talked through and resolved. i hope i'm as fortunate one day to find a woman who loves me as your man loves you. all the best to you tarella. i always thought you were a special lady who deserves the very best.


----------



## steeler man (Dec 22, 2007)

Tara, I will add my 2cents worth on this topic. People have what is called in theatre ,"Stage presence". Some people have it more than others. It shows up in their photos and when you meet them in person. when someon has it, whenever they enter a room all people notice. They take the stage so to speak without even trying. This stage presence most often comes from confidence and self acceptance. The more confident you are of yourself and your looks, the more stage presence you have. Therefore both men and women have it and people of all shapes and sizes have it. This stage presence makes one appear "Hot" to others. I would say, having chatted with you and seen your photos that you have lots of stage presence. It comes across in all you do. I have a feeling it is this stage presence that causes your boy friend to respond to others thin and fat alike. I may be wrong, but this is my theory. Peace and happiness to you and yours.


----------



## joness (Dec 23, 2007)

I have dated women who were 5'2 and 105 and 5'11 and 205 to 5'6 and 320....blondes, brunettes - so there is no true 'one' type for me.

The thing that attracts me first is the eyes. If someone has beautiful eyes, they become more 'hot' per your definition. Also, a good personality makes someone more beautiful - if not hot initially. 

There are guys out there who like almost all women. I'd like to say that I can see what it is about almost every woman that is atractive and can see why a man would be attracted to her. I have only met I believe about a dozen women that are completely unattractive to me. So I'd say that the % of attractive/hot ones far outweigh the others.....

Joness


----------



## pat70327 (Dec 25, 2007)

I dont know if this will help but here it goes... I find many diffrent types of women to be hot. Skinny, fat, diffrent types of personalities... but even if i can find some skinny women to be hot dosnt mean i want to go out with them or be with them sexually... Heres a pretty embarrassing example (embarrassing for me and her), ll keep it short.. I was at a party with one of the "hottest" girls i know and she is 5,6 maybe 120 (im bad on weight) and we went to go do some "stuff" in the bedroom and we were both pretty sober. and I couldnt "get up" she just couldnt do it for me. So the point is i find her to be hot and so does every other guy, but It was impossable for her to turn me on, I NEED a BIG girl to do that, For me its almost impossable to be romantic/sexual with skinny girls.


----------



## Tarella (Dec 27, 2007)

steeler man said:


> Tara, I will add my 2cents worth on this topic. People have what is called in theatre ,"Stage presence". Some people have it more than others. It shows up in their photos and when you meet them in person. when someon has it, whenever they enter a room all people notice. They take the stage so to speak without even trying. This stage presence most often comes from confidence and self acceptance. The more confident you are of yourself and your looks, the more stage presence you have. Therefore both men and women have it and people of all shapes and sizes have it. This stage presence makes one appear "Hot" to others. I would say, having chatted with you and seen your photos that you have lots of stage presence. It comes across in all you do. I have a feeling it is this stage presence that causes your boy friend to respond to others thin and fat alike. I may be wrong, but this is my theory. Peace and happiness to you and yours.



Thanks for your impression on the subject. It makes a lot of sense. I find that *stage presense* attractive as well. Its the one thing that talking on the internet doesnt allow to come through as well as in person. For example, I have met people who are so much more attractive than I thought they were after meeting them even briefly....they had presense or charisma or confidence etc etc. Sometimes I have been attracted to someone that I might not normally be physically, but it was another characteristic that drew me to them.

Merry Christmas and Happy New year to you and yours.

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 27, 2007)

pat70327 said:


> I dont know if this will help but here it goes... I find many diffrent types of women to be hot. Skinny, fat, diffrent types of personalities... but even if i can find some skinny women to be hot dosnt mean i want to go out with them or be with them sexually... Heres a pretty embarrassing example (embarrassing for me and her), ll keep it short.. I was at a party with one of the "hottest" girls i know and she is 5,6 maybe 120 (im bad on weight) and we went to go do some "stuff" in the bedroom and we were both pretty sober. and I couldnt "get up" she just couldnt do it for me. So the point is i find her to be hot and so does every other guy, but It was impossable for her to turn me on, I NEED a BIG girl to do that, For me its almost impossable to be romantic/sexual with skinny girls.



Hi Pat, 

Thanks for your open and honest answer. It takes a confident guy to be open about embarassing situations. I respect that a lot. So....can a person find another person "hot" but not the ultimate turn on in the bedroom? So are these two things different? Are there other people who find the same thing? Hot girl but not hot in the bedroom? Very interesting.

I think your openness and putting yourself out here refreshing.

Sincerely,

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Dec 27, 2007)

joness said:


> I have dated women who were 5'2 and 105 and 5'11 and 205 to 5'6 and 320....blondes, brunettes - so there is no true 'one' type for me.
> 
> The thing that attracts me first is the eyes. If someone has beautiful eyes, they become more 'hot' per your definition. Also, a good personality makes someone more beautiful - if not hot initially.
> 
> ...



Hi Joness, 

Nice to see you again. LTNS. So what you are telling me is that you like almost all females with the except of a dozen?? Then, do you have varying degrees of attraction? or do you find them all equally hot? dateable? 

Does this mean you arent too fussy?? 

Sincerely,

Tara


----------



## pat70327 (Dec 27, 2007)

Tarella said:


> Hi Pat,
> 
> Thanks for your open and honest answer. It takes a confident guy to be open about embarassing situations. I respect that a lot. So....can a person find another person "hot" but not the ultimate turn on in the bedroom? So are these two things different? Are there other people who find the same thing? Hot girl but not hot in the bedroom? Very interesting.
> 
> ...



I think on my part I can say that there are hot skinny girls... just in the part that I know there hot, BUT I might not find them hot... ITs the same as a hot fat girl... shes hot, but a lot of people (non FAs or semi-closed minded people) don't find them hot.... If that makes any sence


----------



## joness (Dec 27, 2007)

Tarella said:


> Hi Joness,
> 
> Nice to see you again. LTNS. So what you are telling me is that you like almost all females with the except of a dozen?? Then, do you have varying degrees of attraction? or do you find them all equally hot? dateable?
> 
> ...




What I am saying is that I can see (what a man) would like in almost every woman to find them hot except for that dozen or so. I watch couples and can see in that woman why the man finds her attractive. Yes - I have varying degrees of attraction as with almost everyone....and I am not that picky at the same time. 

I think that all women are pretty much dateable - sometimes the inner personality needs to come out in a date. Sometimes the initial look is not what does it. For instance, there was a German girl at my work not initially attractive to me. But we talked and talked and I really got quite addicted to her personality and she became that much more attractive physically also, her deep blue eyes shining out from her face.


----------



## Forgotten_Futures (Dec 28, 2007)

My range of attraction is quite broad, going from tall to short, quite skinny to fairly plump.

I like tall girls because they're close to my height, and I don't have to crane my neck downwards to look them in the eyes, or worry about the fact that doing so gives me a perfect look down their shirt and makes me worry which they actually think I'm looking at.

Short girls give me an awesome dominance rush, especially the ones who aren't even five feet tall. They also gain the benefits of the scaled proportions effect, whereby a short girl with an A-cup looks fuller than a tall girl with an A-cup because her chest is bigger compared to the rest of her.

Skinny girls (note, NOT to be confused with anorexic girls) I like because they're usually athletic, and I like athletic. At the same time, however, I hate muscular women (in terms of appearance, i.e., I don't like to see lots of hard muscle on a female, it just seems wrong).

Plump girls I like because, well, they're plump! They're inherently soft and have sexy bulges here and there. Also, they usually exist for one of two philosophical reasons: indulgence, or "who cares?". That is to say, they either tend to overeat often and are your classic fatties, or they simply don't care that they're overweight and are more concerned with enjoying themselves and life.

Humans like a lot of different things. It's a blessing and a curse, in that we're often happy with just some of the many things we find interesting present in a person. At the same time, this broadens our viewpoint of what looks good, making it easier to find someone who turns us on both physically and mentally.


----------



## Tad (Dec 28, 2007)

Tarella said:


> So....can a person find another person "hot" but not the ultimate turn on in the bedroom? So are these two things different? Are there other people who find the same thing? Hot girl but not hot in the bedroom? Very interesting.



I was never one to rush to the bedroom, so I can't speak to that part too specifically, but I will say I see some women and think they look stunning, magnificent, or beautiful.....but meaning it more as I might use those adjectives for a horse, mountain, or tiger. Honest admiration for a fine example of what it is, but not meaning that I feel sexual attraction. I often particularly feel this way with regard to female athletes, because of how smoothly and powerfully they move.


----------



## Waikikian (Dec 28, 2007)

The key difference between one's lover and other women is that one cannot feel the other women, only see them, often from a distance.

A man who appreciates the look of a hardbody woman may prefer the feel of real woman. And we have read many times in these pages over the years of men who enjoy looking at massive beauties while they are content in real life with the size of the woman they love.

Of course, this is separate from the issue of whether a lover should always be calling attention to other people he finds attractive. It may be on his mind, but his lover's happiness should be, too.


----------



## Zoom (Dec 29, 2007)

If I knew this thread was (even marginally) about Jamie Lee Curtis, I would've posted earlier.

Maybe you know the Internet-spawned urban legend about Jamie having, um, male parts? (This was reported on by the Straight Dope, but they don't have a page, uh, covering the issue. But see this page for the speculation.)


----------



## des256 (Jan 3, 2008)

For me it would be about grace. I'm into BBWs, that's a fact. However, if I look at the very first microsecond when I see a girl, I look at her overall grace and attitude. Most BBWs have that inherently (because they're BBW), but in very rare occasions, a thin girl manages to be just as graceful and with the same attitude.

First next thought is then: She'd definitely be hotter after a bit of Mickey D's.

From famous people I would not say Jamie Lee Curtis has it, but for instance, Jessica Biel does very much.

For real relationships it's nevertheless the inside that counts very much, so I would not worry about his fantasies if he really digs you.


----------



## rsoxrule (Jan 7, 2008)

Not having personally met you, but by chatting a few times on the computer, I found you to be overall "Hot" - besides being beautiful in face and stature, you possess such a wonderful way about you - open, loving, caring, family-oriented, goal-oriented, work-a-holic..........that in of itself without your looks makes you "Hot".

You havent posted a lot for a while, so one could only assume that you are in a wonderful relationship and that hopefully you and your children are all happy when you are around him. 

If while you are with him, he makes you feel like the only woman in the world, the fact that he finds Jamie Lee Curtis (OK - not my first choice.......I might choose a chubbier Leah Remini from the King of Queens) hot shows that he has an appreciation for all types of women and has variety -hopefully he shows that variety on a day to day basis with you and you enjoy something new out of life everyday.

Its always interesting to hear other's opinions about random events or comments that happen in our lives, but the simple fact of the matter is you would be HOT to many (especially on Dimensions) in the Playboy Mansion, a Weight Watcher meeting, a Chinese Restaurant, an open-school meeting or at work and he would be CRAZY  to let you think otherwise.

Happy New Year
Michael


----------



## knottyknicky (Jan 9, 2008)

The only way I can answer this is by putting myself in your boyfriends shoes...I think about what I find attractive in the opposite sex (or even the same sex) and its wildly varied, in all honesty. I've been with thin guys and find certain things about their bodies "hot" while I've also been with chubbier guys and have been really turned on by their little love handles, tummies, and all that squishy good stuff. It really depends on the guy, but the idea of someone being "hot" doesn't mean they're the only ideal of hot, for me anyways. Maybe place yourself in the opposite shoes and try and see things that way...

plus, I don't know if you've seen the untouched photos of Jamie Lee Curtis that she posed for in a magazine a few years back, but she's not as hard as she seems...photoshop and makeup can work wonders...its important to remember that when you start comparing your body to celebrities bodies...most of them just don't exist in real life.


----------



## krojoe (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear Tara,

As you know we all have preferences but can admire or be turned on by different body types so I am not surprised that your boyfriend is attracted to you and Jamie Lee Curtis. However, if it were me, I'd keep most comments to myself especially if I was saying someone quite different then you turned me on. If the person I was with made several comments about blackmen or men that looked nothing like me...my feelings would be hurt. Many would say I was being insecure but I just think you need to give your mate all the attention you can. To put it another way, I just don't think it is gentleman like. Don't get me wrong couples talk about other people of the opposite sex all the time but I dont think its polite to gush out...oh she is hot with you there. Just my opinion.


----------



## NoWayOut (Jan 10, 2008)

The hottest thing to me is personality. I have noticed that for me, personality can make any girl beautiful. For example, my best friend would probably never consider herself to be anything more than average or above average in looks. To me, she's the most beautiful girl in the world because of how she looks inside.

That's how I am. 150 pounds or 350 pounds, 6'2" or 5'2", weight and height don't matter to me. I can love the right girl no matter what she looks like. If she's got the right personality, she'll always be hot to me.


----------



## Tarella (Jan 12, 2008)

rsoxrule said:


> Not having personally met you, but by chatting a few times on the computer, I found you to be overall "Hot" - besides being beautiful in face and stature, you possess such a wonderful way about you - open, loving, caring, family-oriented, goal-oriented, work-a-holic..........that in of itself without your looks makes you "Hot".
> 
> You havent posted a lot for a while, so one could only assume that you are in a wonderful relationship and that hopefully you and your children are all happy when you are around him.
> 
> ...



Hi Michael, Happy New Year to you too. 

Thank you for the post. I am flattered with what you had to say about me. You have always been a gentleman and THAT is definately Hot in my books. I have always been turned on by men who know how to respect a woman and treat women as valued creatures....valued for more than just physical appearance or sex appeal.

I have been super busy with issues at my job as well its Hockey Season in Canada....so most evenings and weekends are filled with hockey and road trips. I hope your family is doing well. I kinda giggled and spit out my drink when I read that some in the playboy mansion would accept me......an image of me lounging around all these plastic thin waifs...eating their chocolates....and telling them to ignore Hef and his beauty ideals.....made me chuckle. 

Have a wonderful 2008!!

*hugs*


Tara


----------



## Tarella (Jan 12, 2008)

knottyknicky said:


> The only way I can answer this is by putting myself in your boyfriends shoes...I think about what I find attractive in the opposite sex (or even the same sex) and its wildly varied, in all honesty. I've been with thin guys and find certain things about their bodies "hot" while I've also been with chubbier guys and have been really turned on by their little love handles, tummies, and all that squishy good stuff. It really depends on the guy, but the idea of someone being "hot" doesn't mean they're the only ideal of hot, for me anyways. Maybe place yourself in the opposite shoes and try and see things that way...
> 
> plus, I don't know if you've seen the untouched photos of Jamie Lee Curtis that she posed for in a magazine a few years back, but she's not as hard as she seems...photoshop and makeup can work wonders...its important to remember that when you start comparing your body to celebrities bodies...most of them just don't exist in real life.




Yes, I actually did this....and...Ido know that if I talked about HOT men.....he wouldnt admit being hurt by it but I know it might.....so I consciously try to never oggle or speak about HOT men. I know he and I could discuss Hot bodies together within a conversation....Ijust hope he starts pointing out HOT bbws too

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Jan 12, 2008)

krojoe said:


> Dear Tara,
> 
> As you know we all have preferences but can admire or be turned on by different body types so I am not surprised that your boyfriend is attracted to you and Jamie Lee Curtis. However, if it were me, I'd keep most comments to myself especially if I was saying someone quite different then you turned me on. If the person I was with made several comments about blackmen or men that looked nothing like me...my feelings would be hurt. Many would say I was being insecure but I just think you need to give your mate all the attention you can. To put it another way, I just don't think it is gentleman like. Don't get me wrong couples talk about other people of the opposite sex all the time but I dont think its polite to gush out...oh she is hot with you there. Just my opinion.



Thanks Joe LTNS on the boards here....how are you???

Tara


----------



## Tarella (Jan 12, 2008)

NoWayOut said:


> The hottest thing to me is personality. I have noticed that for me, personality can make any girl beautiful. For example, my best friend would probably never consider herself to be anything more than average or above average in looks. To me, she's the most beautiful girl in the world because of how she looks inside.
> 
> That's how I am. 150 pounds or 350 pounds, 6'2" or 5'2", weight and height don't matter to me. I can love the right girl no matter what she looks like. If she's got the right personality, she'll always be hot to me.



I agree with your point, though, personality isn't usually evident when you just see someone walking down the street. I mean, I couldn't just say "hey, I saw this awesomely funny, intelligent,warm, and gregarious guy walk across the street this morning at coffee break".........


*wonders how many men and women base their initial attraction on personality*.....*wonders if more men or women base their initial attraction on physical attraction or personality?*

I read an interesting quote somewhere today in my surfing and it didnt bode well for people who spend lots of time together: "Familiarity breeds contempt". I hope this isnt so.


Tara


----------



## liz (di-va) (Jan 12, 2008)

krojoe said:


> However, if it were me, I'd keep most comments to myself especially if I was saying someone quite different then you turned me on. If the person I was with made several comments about blackmen or men that looked nothing like me...my feelings would be hurt. Many would say I was being insecure but I just think you need to give your mate all the attention you can. To put it another way, I just don't think it is gentleman like. Don't get me wrong couples talk about other people of the opposite sex all the time but I dont think its polite to gush out...oh she is hot with you there. Just my opinion.



Refreshing to hear a guy say this! Most men don't seem to say it (admit it?).


----------

