# So how do I tell a Guy this???



## Dibaby35 (Jul 31, 2006)

Did you ever have to tell someone they had bad breathe? How did u go about it? also some bigger guys have a weird funky smell sometimes...and I know its cause of the flab of skin and it sweats in-between. Had this issues in the past wondering what I should have done differently. I sort of mentioned putting deodorant under the flap of skin..but he didn't take me seriously.


----------



## Miss Vickie (Jul 31, 2006)

The only time this was an issue for me was with my ex, and he kept wondering why I didn't want to have sex with him, or kiss him, or be near him at all. Part of it was the abuse, but a large part of it too was his smell. At first I tried nicely asking him to brush his teeth, and he'd run a cursory ten year old toothbrush over his teeth, which did nothing. Then I told him, "I will not kiss you until you see a dentist and get your teeth fixed." He refused, and so no more kissing. Then it was "Gosh, you're a little sweaty. Would you mind showering before we spend time together?" Again, he refused, and so it became, "I will not have sex with you until you find a good deodorant soap and SHOWER." No more sex, since he refused to shower, and he's one of those people who NEEDS to shower at LEAST once a day since he breaks a sweat pouring himself a cup of coffee.

It's been over 15 years since we broke up and to my knowledge he still has trouble finding dates and hasn't hooked up with anyone despite his supposed desire to do so. Why? Because you can smell his breath from six feet away (no lie -- he showed up on my doorstep unexpectedly yesterday and the minute I opened the door I nearly blacked out from both surprise and the smell) and he looks and smells awful. Greasy dirty hair, clothes too small, and smelly. It's too bad because the guy's got a genius intellect, makes beaucoup bucks and is interesting and well read. But... ew. Just... ew.

I think if you try kindness ("I'm concerned that something might be wrong with your mouth because it smells bad" which is true; gum disease causes HORRIBLE breath and is also unhealthy) for most people it works, because they're so horrified at the very idea of being offensive, they take care of the problem. I think guys like my ex are, thankfully, a rare breed.


----------



## Dibaby35 (Jul 31, 2006)

Thanks so much Vickie...sounds like your ex was just out right lazy. Which there's no fix for that I think..good u got rid of him. Thanks for the input. Much appreciated.


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 31, 2006)




----------



## Miss Vickie (Jul 31, 2006)

Dibaby35 said:


> Thanks so much Vickie...sounds like your ex was just out right lazy. Which there's no fix for that I think..good u got rid of him. Thanks for the input. Much appreciated.



Yeah he's a real piece of work. I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy. I thought for awhile that he'd changed but him showing up on my doorstep (flying to Alaska from Seattle, no less) to intimidate me shows me that he hasn't changed. He just has more money to throw around now and plan impromptu 2500 mile trips. 

Best of luck with your situation. The breath thing is important, if for no other reasons than what it can bode in terms of general and dental health.


----------



## sweetnnekked (Jul 31, 2006)

Dibaby35 said:


> Did you ever have to tell someone they had bad breathe? How did u go about it? also some bigger guys have a weird funky smell sometimes...and I know its cause of the flab of skin and it sweats in-between. Had this issues in the past wondering what I should have done differently. I sort of mentioned putting deodorant under the flap of skin..but he didn't take me seriously.


I am very much aware of any foul smells I may emit from time to time, usually in hot weather. I'm pretty "up" on controlling them as I shave and shower every two days. So I use anti-perspirant and cologne on those occasions. I also spray myself daily with a pleasant body spray and use a drying powder under those "flaps of skin!" 
I would never want to be put in the position of being turned down by a partner due to funky smells.
It only takes a little time to make yourself smell good!


----------



## Dibaby35 (Aug 1, 2006)

sweetnnekked said:


> I am very much aware of any foul smells I may emit from time to time, usually in hot weather. I'm pretty "up" on controlling them as I shave and shower every two days. So I use anti-perspirant and cologne on those occasions. I also spray myself daily with a pleasant body spray and use a drying powder under those "flaps of skin!"
> I would never want to be put in the position of being turned down by a partner due to funky smells.
> It only takes a little time to make yourself smell good!




What kind of "drying powder" are you talking about? It seems like guys are hesistant to put deodorant under the flap. I mean hell I put it under my boobs...why can't they put it under the flap? It's a weird smell too..different than the underarm BO smell..but stinky all the same. Doesn't wanna make me go down there any time soon...LOL...


----------



## Dibaby35 (Aug 1, 2006)

Miss Vickie said:


> Yeah he's a real piece of work. I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy. I thought for awhile that he'd changed but him showing up on my doorstep (flying to Alaska from Seattle, no less) to intimidate me shows me that he hasn't changed. He just has more money to throw around now and plan impromptu 2500 mile trips.
> 
> Best of luck with your situation. The breath thing is important, if for no other reasons than what it can bode in terms of general and dental health.



Yikes talk about a stalker alert!!! Wonder what the hell goes through guys minds sometimes. I would get an order of protection if I were you.

The bad breathe thing just shows up time to time with different men I work with or date. Even a doctor once...umm..yeah..lol.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Aug 1, 2006)

Ew. I've had two exes that had BO/bad breath. Gag. I was mean to the last guy. He wasn't a good person in many aspects, so it's okay. 

But thinking about this... I've been dating a guy via the 'net a few months; we're visiting in September. Honestly, if he stinks, I'll just say, "Hey, you need to go brush your teeth, thoroughly," or, "Go take a shower." If he laughs it off, I'm going to repeat myself and tell him I'm serious. (I seriously doubt he stinks. We're too much alike on hygiene.)


----------



## Dibaby35 (Aug 1, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Ew. I've had two exes that had BO/bad breath. Gag. I was mean to the last guy. He wasn't a good person in many aspects, so it's okay.
> 
> But thinking about this... I've been dating a guy via the 'net a few months; we're visiting in September. Honestly, if he stinks, I'll just say, "Hey, you need to go brush your teeth, thoroughly," or, "Go take a shower." If he laughs it off, I'm going to repeat myself and tell him I'm serious. (I seriously doubt he stinks. We're too much alike on hygiene.)




I wanna buy some of your...don't know what to call it...straightforwardness??...please 

Yeah with guys u just gotta tell em how it is I guess. Sending hints doesn't work!


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Aug 1, 2006)

Soooooooooooooooo true. Men don't get it sometimes. I grew up with brothers; that's the ticket I think.


----------



## philosobear (Aug 1, 2006)

What she said. Straightforwardness is always the way. Even if it causes a bit of scrunch at first, it'll do him a favour. Also, it can be an indicator of health issues that need addressing. Poor diet and digestive problems often show up in the breath and body odour. Nasty business, but very worth grappling with! Good luck! *stumps off to brush teeth, just in case*


----------



## Kizzume (Aug 2, 2006)

Well, I guess I'm a real sicko--I'm one of those people who like B.O. (and I can take it strong), and I like the whole biker look and attitude, and shirts that can't completely cover the belly so the bottom of the gut hangs out. It always seems to be straight men that are like this--the only gay men I've run across who were this way, in person anyway, aren't heavy--they're at most 40 pounds "overweight".

Bad breath can be pretty nasty though--I may like B.O., but bad breath and yellow teeth from not brushing is usually a turn-off. I'd rather be with someone who plans on keeping their teeth for a while. 

Another one that I just can't get into, and am perfectly willing to help a person with if they have trouble because of their weight, is when someone doesn't clean their rump well enough after a #2 who always has streaks on their underwear. My ex, who couldn't stand having B.O. (showered 1-3 times a day), wasn't very heavy (6'6" and 290--a really TALL man), and was diligent in tooth care, felt that a single wipe of 5 squares was enough--I just flat-out told him that I think he needs to spend more time wiping, and he got really offended, but oh well.


----------



## FreneticFangs (Aug 23, 2006)

ugh... just eeew. I'd tell anyone right away if they had bad odors of any kind.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I guess... the "flaps of skin" part is why I don't date SSBHMs. Flaps of skin really aren't my thing so I thankfully I'll never run into that BO problem. Why isn't there a smiley for being totally grossed out???


----------



## Buffetbelly (Aug 23, 2006)

Bad breath can be a sign of sinus infection. At least for me, a course of antibiotic will take care of halitosis better than an acre of Altoids.

A shower and mouthwash gargle should always be part of foreplay. And afterplay.

Some big guys swear by talc, but it irritates my skin. Corn starch just feeds the beasts. I use Neosporin ointment to kill those little fun guys (sorry, fungi) who cause crack n' crevice aromas. Use daily for a week and you'll be in the clear.


----------



## extra_fat_guy (Aug 24, 2006)

There is no easy way to tell anybody that they smell bad. Maybe offer to take a bath with him, and help him get clean. It can be hard for some big guys to reach all the right spots. Also, ladies you wouldn't want your guy just blurting out that you smelled bad. Just say it how you would want someone to say it to you.


----------



## missaf (Aug 24, 2006)

BB, have you tried Medicated Gold Bond? A big guy friend of mine swears by it, and has taught all his grandkids how to powder their "sticky" parts


----------



## Buffetbelly (Aug 24, 2006)

Well, I googled it and nowhere does it say if it is talc based or corn starch based! I suppose I'll just have to try it!


----------



## Dibaby35 (Aug 24, 2006)

extra_fat_guy said:


> There is no easy way to tell anybody that they smell bad. Maybe offer to take a bath with him, and help him get clean. It can be hard for some big guys to reach all the right spots. Also, ladies you wouldn't want your guy just blurting out that you smelled bad. Just say it how you would want someone to say it to you.



I need a bigger bathtub I think...hehe

Your so right about the blurting out thing.


----------



## lemmink (Aug 24, 2006)

My bf often has bad breath. I just tell him his breath smells like ass and push him into the bathroom. Or hand him his toothbrush outright. Then again, we have a very forward kind of relationship.

I'm a bit of a nag, really, so he's used to being told to do things.


----------



## Buffetbelly (Aug 24, 2006)

lemmink said:


> My bf often has bad breath. I just tell him his breath smells like ass and push him into the bathroom. Or hand him his toothbrush outright. Then again, we have a very forward kind of relationship.
> 
> I'm a bit of a nag, really, so he's used to being told to do things.


 
Some say that the male of the species can be trained to do simple repetitive tasks, although others dispute this.


----------



## MickRidem (Aug 24, 2006)

Some guys are just good at the whole personal image thing and some need to be hit over the head. Everything from well kept facial hair and care while eating, to haircuts, to showers and clean clothes... I've seen it all. (I used to teach adults.) When I was teaching, I'd either pass them a note, or take them out into the hall and tell them to leave and 1) shower/use deo. 2) brush teeth WITH toothpaste 3) stop wearing heavy sweaters.

When discreet doesn't work, bring out the shovel and wind up.


----------



## Eclectic_Girl (Aug 24, 2006)

Buffetbelly said:


> Well, I googled it and nowhere does it say if it is talc based or corn starch based! I suppose I'll just have to try it!



If you get the metholated kind, be careful when applying around *ahem* delicate skin areas.


----------



## tankgirl (Aug 26, 2006)

lemmink said:


> My bf often has bad breath. I just tell him his breath smells like ass and push him into the bathroom. Or hand him his toothbrush outright. Then again, we have a very forward kind of relationship.
> 
> I'm a bit of a nag, really, so he's used to being told to do things.


 
Yup. Best way. He gets offended, tell him that he smells offensive.
MY problem is- how do you get a guy with no teeth to brush his mouth anyway? His gums got some smell. >.<
("It hurts!" get a softer toothbrush. "Even baby toothbrushes hurt!" then go to a dentist and ask about it. duh. "I can't afford a dentist!" then ask mine. "No, that'd be too much a hassle." then I will. etc. etc. etc.)

My ex has breth that actually smells like _straight unwiped ass_. It's kinda scary really. Makes me wonder if he licks his own browneye. *shuddertwitch*

And an "icky" smiley? Hmmm. >.< is a good one.... >Þ or :Þ works... ( Þ is alt+0222, btw...).... *chuckle*


----------



## lemmink (Aug 26, 2006)

Tankgirl, I think you just gave me an eye-twitch.


----------



## tinkerbell (Aug 26, 2006)

tankgirl said:


> MY problem is- how do you get a guy with no teeth to brush his mouth anyway? His gums got some smell. >.<
> ("It hurts!" get a softer toothbrush. "Even baby toothbrushes hurt!" then go to a dentist and ask about it. duh. "I can't afford a dentist!" then ask mine. "No, that'd be too much a hassle." then I will. etc. etc. etc.)



In the offices I work in, we've told people w/o teeth (and mothers with babies without teeth) that they can use a soft cloth to clean their gums - sometimes thats easier to use than a toothbrush. 

I wouldn't kiss someone who doesn't have good oral hygiene - I've seen too many gross mouths out there to want to make out with someone who doesn't take care of their teeth. Thank god my bf has no issues there, he's even better than I am, and I work in a dental office


----------



## sweetnnekked (Aug 27, 2006)

Dibaby35 said:


> What kind of "drying powder" are you talking about? It seems like guys are hesistant to put deodorant under the flap. I mean hell I put it under my boobs...why can't they put it under the flap? It's a weird smell too..different than the underarm BO smell..but stinky all the same. Doesn't wanna make me go down there any time soon...LOL...



I use Gold Bond Medicated Body Powder!
It works wonders!!


----------



## LAtinBHM (Aug 27, 2006)

Sometimes bad breath problems are not in the mouth but in the stomach. And to solve the problem you have to visit a doctor like you do with every other disease. It's called halitosis, btw

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halitosis


----------



## pattycake (Aug 27, 2006)

tankgirl said:


> My ex has breth that actually smells like _straight unwiped ass_. It's kinda scary really. Makes me wonder if he licks his own browneye. *shuddertwitch*



Eeewwww! You've sure got a way with words, Tankgirl!

Make them floss (those with teeth), then get them to get a chunk of the crud that'll have come off on the floss and rub it between their fingers. Then make them smell their fingers. That should give them an idea of what everyone else gets a blast of when they open their mouth (if the problem is lack of oral hygiene.) Meat left in a warm place for 2 weeks ain't gonna smell pretty (which is what the smell basically is).

If they _do_ brush but the problem is something more, they need to see a dentist or doctor. Simple as that. Anything that smells putrid is not a sign of good health. They don't want to lose their teeth and they certainly don't want to lose their partner...do they?

And a man who is told with sensitivity that his breath isn't nice but still refuses to try anything to correct it is probably quite misanthropic and could on some level enjoy the offence he causes.


----------



## Paul Fannin (Aug 28, 2006)

Lady Di 

Be direct with him, loving but firm, invoke his name and look him in the eye. When he takes corrective measures, compliment him on how proud you are of him. His halitosis may be caused by a problem unbeknownst to you and he may open up to you about it. I would think that would enhance your friendship. 

Show him that the bonds of your love are stronger than his defect. He'll listen. 

If he won't, then his dilemma is greater than your ability to correct it.


----------

