# The Boob Poem



## Crystal (Dec 19, 2009)

*The Boob Poem*
For years and years they told me, 
Be careful of your breasts. 
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. 
And give them monthly tests. 
So I heeded all their warnings, 
And protected them by law. 
Guarded them very carefully, 
And I always wore my bra. 

After 30 years of astute care, 
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt, 
Said I should get a Mammogram. 
"O.K," I said, "let's do it." 

"Stand up here real close" she said, 
(She got my boob in line), 
And tell me when it hurts," she said, 
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine." 

She stepped upon a pedal, 
I could not believe my eyes, 
A plastic plate came slamming down, 
My hooter's in a vise! 

My skin was stretched and mangled, 
From underneath my chin. 
My poor boob was being squashed, 
To Swedish Pancake thin. 

Excruciating pain I felt, 
Within it's vise-like grip. 
A prisoner in this vicious thing, 
My poor defenseless tit! 

"Take a deep breath" she said to me, 
Who does she think she's kidding?!? 
My chest is mashed in her machine, 
And woozy I am getting. 

"There, that's good," I heard her say, 
(The room was slowly swaying.) 
"Now, let's have a go at the other one. 
Have mercy, I was praying. 

It squeezed me from both up and down. 
It squeezed me from both sides. 
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done, 
To HER tender little hide. 

Next time that they make me do this, 
I will request a blindfold. 
I have no wish to see again, 
My knockers getting steamrolled. 

If I had no problem when I came in, 
I surely have one now. 
If there had been a cyst in there, 
It would have gone "ker-pow!" 

This machine was created by a man, 
Of this, I have no doubt. 
I'd like to stick his balls in there, 
And see how THEY come out. 

Poem Written By: Amy Comperatore

http://1funny.com/boobpoem.shtml


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## Tau (Dec 19, 2009)

Ahahahaha! I tried to go for a mamagram/mamogram (??) last year and got told off by my doc. Apparently breast tissue in women under 30 isn't dense enough to get any kind of useful reading from it. Who knew!


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## tinkerbell (Dec 19, 2009)

I had a mam at age 25. So thats weird that they told you that! I was having issues and they just wanted to rule that out. And they used to recommend getting a baseline done when you're younger anyway - or so the tech told me. So I at least have a baseline mam now. 

And cute poem. It wasnt horrible, but it wasn't the best thing in the world. And I totally agree with the last stanza of the poem - I'd like to see a guy do that with their testicles!


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## olwen (Dec 19, 2009)

Tau said:


> Ahahahaha! I tried to go for a mamagram/mamogram (??) last year and got told off by my doc. Apparently breast tissue in women under 30 isn't dense enough to get any kind of useful reading from it. Who knew!



I don't know about that. If you have a history of breast cancer in your family and/or if your breasts are rather large and your're fat you should get one at the first sign of trouble no matter how old you are. Anyway, a mamo isn't too altogether helpful if your breasts are really large, you should also get ultrasound for them too. That's what I had to do in addition to a biopsy and each time they all came out clear. After having that experience I will always insist on mamo and ultrasound together and a biopsy if necessary.


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## Tau (Dec 19, 2009)

I'm going in to get all the necessary tests early Jan and I'll certainly insist on those tests Olwen. Sometimes boobs are really just too much drama *sigh*


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## BigCutieAnya (Feb 5, 2010)

*laughs uncontrollably!* LOVE IT GIRLIE!


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## olwen (Feb 6, 2010)

Tau said:


> I'm going in to get all the necessary tests early Jan and I'll certainly insist on those tests Olwen. Sometimes boobs are really just too much drama *sigh*



Tau, how did that work out?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 6, 2010)

Tau said:


> Ahahahaha! I tried to go for a mamagram/mamogram (??) last year and got told off by my doc. Apparently breast tissue in women under 30 isn't dense enough to get any kind of useful reading from it. Who knew!





tinkerbell said:


> I had a mam at age 25. So thats weird that they told you that! I was having issues and they just wanted to rule that out. And they used to recommend getting a baseline done when you're younger anyway - or so the tech told me. So I at least have a baseline mam now.
> 
> And cute poem. It wasnt horrible, but it wasn't the best thing in the world. And I totally agree with the last stanza of the poem - I'd like to see a guy do that with their testicles!



I had a mammagram at age 28 myself....and every other year since then up to age 34 because that is the age my sister was found to have breast cancer. (I have had them yearly since I turned 34). Having a family history of breast cancer made me 8x more likely to get it. The insurance will pay for it under age 40 if your doctor orders it. 

My sister was told she was too young, at age 34, to have breast cancer. She spent six months being told it was just as cyst and that it would go away. She had to go to another doctor to get a mammogram- that doctor had her in the hospital getting a quarter-ectomy (partial removal of the breast) within a couple of weeks. 
Her cancer was so huge she found the lump by accident while adjusting her bra-strap. Her doctor blew if off.

Don't take the first doctors word for it Tau. Get a second opinion if you feel there is a problem. You have to be your own advocate in the medical world sometimes.

Btw, my sister died 7 weeks after her 40th birthday- she spent four years in remission before her cancer came back with a vengeance.


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## littlefairywren (Feb 6, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I had a mammagram at age 28 myself....and every other year since then up to age 34 because that is the age my sister was found to have breast cancer. (I have had them yearly since I turned 34). Having a family history of breast cancer made me 8x more likely to get it. The insurance will pay for it under age 40 if your doctor orders it.
> 
> My sister was told she was too young, at age 34, to have breast cancer. She spent six months being told it was just as cyst and that it would go away. She had to go to another doctor to get a mammogram- that doctor had her in the hospital getting a quarter-ectomy (partial removal of the breast) within a couple of weeks.
> Her cancer was so huge she found the lump by accident while adjusting her bra-strap. Her doctor blew if off.
> ...



GEF, I am so sorry about your sister


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 7, 2010)

littlefairywren said:


> GEF, I am so sorry about your sister



Thank you LFW- just don't want her story to be the same for someone else.


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