# Middle Eastern Women: Weight Gain?



## RevolOggerp (Jun 28, 2008)

I'm not trying to offend anyone, but was wondering if women of the Middle East gain weight because it's part of their culture or customs.

The reason for asking is because a lot of Middle Eastern women that I know who are married or over the age of 25 have gained weight or are bigger than average.

Is it custom, culture, genetics, or just coincidence?


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## KHayes666 (Jun 28, 2008)

RevolOggerp said:


> I'm not trying to offend anyone, but was wondering if women of the Middle East gain weight because it's part of their culture or customs.
> 
> The reason for asking is because a lot of Middle Eastern women that I know who are married or over the age of 25 have gained weight or are bigger than average.
> 
> Is it custom, culture, genetics, or just coincidence?



I have absolutely no idea what goes on over there, but I went to high school with a middle eastern girl who transfered to our school my sophomore year. She proceeded to blow up like a balloon in between sophomore and senior year. Too bad she was suicidal...would have been fun to see how much she's grown now.


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## mossystate (Jun 28, 2008)

Would be fun to know if the young woman ever got past her crippling depression.


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## KHayes666 (Jun 28, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Would be fun to know if the young woman ever got past her crippling depression.



Probably not....we were involved in the senior class play and she would routinely cut herself in the girls bathroom, I even had to talk her out of it once during rehearsal. I looked for her on facebook and myspace a few years ago and couldn't find her....I pray she only just doesn't have them and not the worst cas e scenario.


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## RevolOggerp (Jun 29, 2008)

What about Indian women (not Native Indian)? Or... women of Hindu culture?

I've always thought they were mostly of Hindu culture, but everyone's always telling me that I'm labeling them wrong and they should be labeled as Middle Eastern. So, I've lost track of who's who.




Anyways, I have a friend who would work out to keep her figure... but around the age of 25, she stopped working out. She got plump in all the right places and I thought she looked hot. I have a few other friends who are like this as well.

Whenever the weight-gain subject comes up (not by me, but by someone else), they get defensive about it. So, I could never confirm whether it was true or not.

I have a hard time looking it up online. When I try "Indian", I get a million results related to Native Indians. If I try "indian weight gain", I get a million results related to Native Indian weight loss groups. 

Perhaps, someone could point me in the right direction on where to research?


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## Adrian (Jun 29, 2008)

It is probably related to life style. Limited time beyond the home, a cloister environment, a much higher rate of pregnancies, etc. are all the sort of things. While they walk when shopping it is seldom at a fast pace, so the exercise is not strenuous.

I Googled, "Indian women" + "southern Asia" + "overweight" and got a bunch of hits. I did really explore them though.

Adrian


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## 1300 Class (Jun 29, 2008)

Title of this thread = teh hotness.


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## ssbbwlover2 (Jun 29, 2008)

Adrian said:


> It is probably related to life style. Limited time beyond the home, a cloister environment, a much higher rate of pregnancies, etc. are all the sort of things. While they walk when shopping it is seldom at a fast pace, so the exercise is not strenuous.
> 
> I Googled, "Indian women" + "southern Asia" + "overweight" and got a bunch of hits. I did really explore them though.
> 
> Adrian



You are on to something, I think. I have friends from the middle east and visited different countries there. It seems like the weather and the lack of activity in general does result in little strenuous exercise.


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## gwydion (Jun 29, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> I have absolutely no idea what goes on over there, but I went to high school with a middle eastern girl who transfered to our school my sophomore year. She proceeded to blow up like a balloon in between sophomore and senior year. Too bad she was suicidal...would have been fun to see how much she's grown now.



*snerk*

``Too bad she had a crippling mental disorder, cuz DAMN, she'd be hot if she hadn't tried to kill herself!!''

Yeah, that's well-adjusted and a totally fucking appropriate way to think.

Compassionate too.


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## KHayes666 (Jun 29, 2008)

gwydion said:


> *snerk*
> 
> ``Too bad she had a crippling mental disorder, cuz DAMN, she'd be hot if she hadn't tried to kill herself!!''
> 
> ...



*snerk* Leave it to you to fly in the face of propriety. 

The point I was trying to make was relevant of the topic of middle eastern girls and putting on weight. I later in another post (which obviously you didn't read) said how I had to stop her a few times from hurting herself. I took no pleasure in her misery and I was trying to say that if she didn't have that "crippling mental disorder" then we would have seen how the topic of the original discussion would have turned out.

Oh and try to tone down the language please, you'll get much better results


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## Ash (Jun 29, 2008)

gwydion said:


> *snerk*
> 
> ``Too bad she had a crippling mental disorder, cuz DAMN, she'd be hot if she hadn't tried to kill herself!!''
> 
> ...



Your wife is a lucky, lucky woman, sir.


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## Fairest Epic (Jul 5, 2008)

Well i am middle eastern ish...and i seem to be oh so naturally fat. Not married, so i cant really say much other than what i have seen in my family.

My aunt (who is lebanese) gained weight after marriage, but i dont think it was a cultural choice. It was quite a bit of weight. She had to have gone from around 105 to like 300 ish. I have never heard of it being a cultural thing. She has kids, and i think it was just a result of that and/or genetics. She dropped like 50 lbs as a result of going back so work later. 

Another aunt of mine, who is egyptian, also gained weight after marriage. She gained probably 60+ ish lbs. A lot less than my other aunt, but it was still present. It wasnt a cutural thing, to my knowledge, but even her mother did the same thing: after marriage, the chub seems to come on. My aunt lost a bit of the weight after that with help of her husband. He's a triathelete and trained her for a bit, but she's still a bit curvy (probably a size 16). She also had breast cancer and seemed to lose weight as she went under treatment for that.

All i can say is that i have noticed the same thing a bit (gaining weight after marriage), but it's not always true. I'm thinking it's more of a lifestyle change than anything affecting their weight. I mean they both had kids and started to stay home. They also received some inheritance, so they no longer work, which could also have some bearing on their weight loss/gain. The middle eastern women in my family do seem mor prone to gain weight while the caucasian women seem to remain more thin. So, my thought is that it is lifestyle and a tid bit of genetics.


EDIT: eek! i almost forgot about our food! seems high in fat, calories, carbs, salt, and oils....at least how i have learned to make it. I mean couldnt our diet also have a lil bearing on our weight? I know how to cook my family's food, but i have not learned much else, so i can only speak for us. 

sorry for the spiel!


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## LalaCity (Jul 5, 2008)

I remember reading an American journalist's account of his travels through the middle east years ago. One of the stories that stuck with me was his visit to a club in Cairo that featured belly dancers. The girl the manager brought out specially to entertain the writer was well past 400 lbs., from what he could tell. When asked if this was the preferred body type for a dancer in Egypt, the manager frowned and said, "No -- but do not worry, she is young and there is room for much more growth!"

He also remarked that between performances she was backstage being fed lots and lots of sweet and fattening halva to help her figure along.

So from what I gathered, at least in some parts of Arabia, men prefer a rather zaftig form...


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## Ruby Ripples (Jul 6, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> *snerk* Leave it to you to fly in the face of propriety.
> 
> The point I was trying to make was relevant of the topic of middle eastern girls and putting on weight. I later in another post (which obviously you didn't read) said how I had to stop her a few times from hurting herself. I took no pleasure in her misery and I was trying to say that if she didn't have that "crippling mental disorder" then we would have seen how the topic of the original discussion would have turned out.
> 
> Oh and try to tone down the language please, you'll get much better results



Your post as pointed out by two people already is offensive, and in my opinion much more so than one swear word. You need to learn to open your mouth without letting your belly rumble, khayes. Trying to cover your faux pas up in the next post, doesn't undo the first one.


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## vardon_grip (Jul 6, 2008)

I cannot comment on Middle Eastern women in America. I can comment on women of the Middle East. I have spent a little time in that part of the world and saw very few women of size. Regardless of size, they are very beautiful people.


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## supersoup (Jul 6, 2008)

gwydion said:


> *snerk*
> 
> ``Too bad she had a crippling mental disorder, cuz DAMN, she'd be hot if she hadn't tried to kill herself!!''
> 
> ...


agreed, on all fronts. i love you joe!!


Ashley said:


> Your wife is a lucky, lucky woman, sir.


again, agreed, on all fronts! betsy is so lucky, as are you joe!!



Ruby Ripples said:


> Your post as pointed out by two people already is offensive, and in my opinion much more so than one swear word. You need to learn to open your mouth without letting your belly rumble, khayes. Trying to cover your faux pas up in the next post, doesn't undo the first one.


aaaaaaaaaaa-greed!

the end.


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## Kortana (Jul 7, 2008)

I dated an arab for several years when I was younger and he and his family explained it to me. They beleive that women with additional weight on them are considered healthier. They have an easier time bearing children and child birth is much easier.

It is also a sign that the family is doing well financially.

Their traditional meals are also very rich- although many different veggies are used they eat with alot of bread and rices. Pita bread is much heaslthier however when your scooping up rice and meat into it, it's alot of carbs.

Awesome food actually...yum yum.


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## exile in thighville (Jul 7, 2008)

gwydion said:


> *snerk*
> 
> ``Too bad she had a crippling mental disorder, cuz DAMN, she'd be hot if she hadn't tried to kill herself!!''
> 
> ...



Oh stop. He reinforced his concern already and his post was on topic. He thought of her because he was attracted to her...so what? Maybe if she knew her body image was attractive to people like us her state of mind could've improved, even a little. This was high school, where stuff like that can swallow your entire life.

I'm rather shocked at the reactions to this post.


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## Shosh (Jul 7, 2008)

I have a few mates that are Lebanese and the reason they are so beautiful and curvaceous is that Middle Eastern food is to die for! I love it so much myself. Who would want to eat other stuff when you can eat Israeli and Lebanese food. So yummy. Beats KFC.:bow:


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## Judge_Dre (Jul 7, 2008)

Here's a link to an article about fattening farms in Mauritania. The Arabs there find fat women to be the epitome of beauty. 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3429903.stm


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## KHayes666 (Jul 7, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> Oh stop. He reinforced his concern already and his post was on topic. He thought of her because he was attracted to her...so what? Maybe if she knew her body image was attractive to people like us her state of mind could've improved, even a little. This was high school, where stuff like that can swallow your entire life.
> 
> I'm rather shocked at the reactions to this post.



Yeah really.....you 3 (minus Ruby) got some splaining to do in about 57 days.


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## altered states (Jul 7, 2008)

Both men and women naturally gain weight heading into middle age. Metabolism and activity level go down, and people spend more time at home. I think what makes Middle Eastern (and women in other traditional cultures) different and weight gain more acceptable is that the status of women is radically different pre- and post-marriage. Pre-marriage, the woman's main priority is finding a husband - far moreso than in Western cultures. And while it's true that the Middle Eastern female sexual ideal is more voluptuous than our own, even in the Middle East a degree of thinness is still desirable to most men. Once married, the woman's role as homemaker and mother is far more important than her sexual desirability, and nature takes it's course and all else being equal, she gains weight. By the way, I'm not saying that in the West women aren't concerned with being desirable to men. It's just that in the West, with our obsession with youth, our high divorce rate, and - ironically - many options for women to live independently, I think women are expected to remain young-looking and sexually desirable (both meaning, to most people, thin) into middle age and beyond.


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## Ash (Jul 7, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Yeah really.....you 3 (minus Ruby) got some splaining to do in about 57 days.



I don't intend to explain anything in 57 days. 

I found what you said distasteful. I'm allowed to feel however I want to feel. End of story.


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## supersoup (Jul 7, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Yeah really.....you 3 (minus Ruby) got some splaining to do in about 57 days.



i have nothing to explain to you in 57 days. at all. if anything, YOU have some things to explain to some people.

also. i responded as i did, because in your first post, you didn't let on that you had any interaction with the girl as far as trying to help her or anything, it read as though you were indifferent to the fact that she had some serious issues and only regretting the fact you couldn't see her current figure. that's all.


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## Tooz (Jul 7, 2008)

supersoup said:


> if anything, YOU have some things to explain to some people.



Amen my delicious redhead, amen.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 7, 2008)

Ashley said:


> I don't intend to explain anything in 57 days.
> 
> I found what you said distasteful. I'm allowed to feel however I want to feel. End of story.



And I'm allowed to feel how I'm allowed to feel. The original topic was about middle eastern girls and putting on weight, I said I knew a girl who did but her problem was she suffered from severe depression that nobody can really help.

Its not a race thing, its not a size thing, depression is depression. I apologize if I came of sounding cold hearted.....but damn


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## Tooz (Jul 7, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> And I'm allowed to feel how I'm allowed to feel. The original topic was about middle eastern girls and putting on weight, I said I knew a girl who did but her problem was she suffered from severe depression that nobody can really help.
> 
> Its not a race thing, its not a size thing, depression is depression. I apologize if I came of sounding cold hearted.....but damn



I think you might just need to contemplate what you say before you say it.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 7, 2008)

Tooz said:


> I think you might just need to contemplate what you say before you say it.



Ok, I already said I didn't mean to come off as arrogant or distasteful, I was speculating about the subject of middle eastern women and weight gain and i did have a particular example albeit a bad one.

Think about me however you want, but that's not how I am. I'm not shallow


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## Tooz (Jul 7, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Ok, I already said I didn't mean to come off as arrogant or distasteful, I was speculating about the subject of middle eastern women and weight gain and i did have a particular example albeit a bad one.
> 
> Think about me however you want, but that's not how I am. I'm not shallow



I'm simply saying, for future reference. Those two sentences are generally not good together. I understand you have apologized, but I'm just saying.


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## A Bolder Boulder FA (Jul 7, 2008)

Seriously, some people in this thread are crucifying Khayes.

It sucks that she was depressed, yes. Is that the thread title topic? No. Did Khayes seem as though he didn't care for her, or what happened to her? No.

It's reactions like that to KHayes' post that makes other FAs on this board and in real life afraid to express how they feel as FAs for fear of being excoriated in the way he has. At least he was honest about other problems she was having, and seemed genuinely concerned for her. I thought that this sort of posting on the weight board wasn't allowed anymore to promote open discussion of FA/BBW/SSBBW admiration and topics.

Lay off him, christ.

That said, it's still possible to salvage this post if we can bring it back on topic. I too have noticed that it's a trend in many middle eastern cultures to encourage their women to gain weight as they get older, particularly in formerly Persian/Ottoman cultures (Turkey, anyone?)


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## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

Tooz said:


> I think you might just need to contemplate what you say before you say it.



Yeah, rereading I do have to admit the juxtaposition was...jarring, to say the nicest. It still doesn't read like he was careless about the girl though, just careless about the transition from light topic to hard topic and back again.


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## vardon_grip (Jul 8, 2008)

A Bolder Boulder FA said:


> ... I too have noticed that it's a trend in many middle eastern cultures to encourage their women to gain weight as they get older, particularly in formerly Persian/Ottoman cultures (Turkey, anyone?)



I have spent a few months in Turkey and saw very few people of size and never heard of any encouragement for the women to gain weight.


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## Shosh (Jul 8, 2008)

vardon_grip said:


> I have spent a few months in Turkey and saw very few people of size and never heard of any encouragement for the women to gain weight.




Turkey is more European than Middle Eastern though I think in terms of the adherance to thiness and fashion trends etc.When I think of the Middle East it is more Lebanon, Iran, Iraq,Syria,Yemen etc. Not to say those in those countries are not fashionable etc etc, does that make sense?
Turkey has had an explosion of designer type boutiques spring up in its major metropolitan cities. It is pretty liberal for a Muslim country.


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## mossystate (Jul 8, 2008)

A Bolder Boulder FA said:


> It's reactions like that to KHayes' post that makes other FAs on this board and in real life afraid to express how they feel as FAs for fear of being excoriated in the way he has.




Bull.

Yeah, I needed to comment on this paragraph.

What Khayes said has nothing ....nothing...to do with his being a FA. I think you do a disservice to FA's by tacking such drama to an issue of basic tact and kindness....FA or no. If a man who likes thin women said what he said, it would be as wrong ( and I am not even thinking this is something Khayes cannot/has not learned...hopefully ).

I have more faith in a majority of men who like fat women. They are not going to think it ok to make crude comments. 

Yeah, this has been moved from the Main Board. I don't think that means that anything goes, or that people cannot take something someone says that is merely riding the coattails of ' fat ', and comment. I did not realize that anything a FA says is ok, as long as he remembers to mention fat.

Khayes...onwards and upwards.


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## FaxMachine1234 (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> Yeah, rereading I do have to admit the juxtaposition was...jarring, to say the nicest. It still doesn't read like he was careless about the girl though, just careless about the transition from light topic to hard topic and back again.



Yeah, the guy's only guilty of poor composition, let him be. The phrase "would have been fun", though, was probably too flippant though.


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## vardon_grip (Jul 8, 2008)

Susannah said:


> Turkey is more European than Middle Eastern though I think in terms of the adherance to thiness and fashion trends etc.When I think of the Middle East it is more Lebanon, Iran, Iraq,Syria,Yemen etc. Not to say those in those countries are not fashionable etc etc, does that make sense?
> Turkey has had an explosion of designer type boutiques spring up in its major metropolitan cities. It is pretty liberal for a Muslim country.



I would agree that Istanbul can be a trendy city that has a noticeable western influence. 90% of the country is in the middle east and as you get away from Istanbul you see that most of the country is quite traditional.

I had a typical meze (small dishes) lunch in a Turkish home. Everything was absolutely delicious. I sampled at least 7 different dishes and since they were all great, I finished every morsel. I was perfectly content. The hostess proceeded to pile a second helping onto my plate. Not wanting to be rude, I forced myself to finish what was on my plate. The hostess put ANOTHER serving on my plate! I could only choke down a couple of bites before throwing in the towel, but felt like I was being rude for leaving food on my plate. I found out later from some friends that if you don't leave a little food on your plate, it is assumed that you must still be hungry and the host would be rude to not give you more food. We laughed at my faux pas. The Turks sure do know how to dine.

PS-I hope you are feeling better.


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## Shosh (Jul 8, 2008)

vardon_grip said:


> I would agree that Istanbul can be a trendy city that has a noticeable western influence. 90% of the country is in the middle east and as you get away from Istanbul you see that most of the country is quite traditional.
> 
> I had a typical meze (small dishes) lunch in a Turkish home. Everything was absolutely delicious. I sampled at least 7 different dishes and since they were all great, I finished every morsel. I was perfectly content. The hostess proceeded to pile a second helping onto my plate. Not wanting to be rude, I forced myself to finish what was on my plate. The hostess put ANOTHER serving on my plate! I could only choke down a couple of bites before throwing in the towel, but felt like I was being rude for leaving food on my plate. I found out later from some friends that if you don't leave a little food on your plate, it is assumed that you must still be hungry and the host would be rude to not give you more food. We laughed at my faux pas. The Turks sure do know how to dine.
> 
> PS-I hope you are feeling better.



Are you sure you were not at my Yiddische Auntie's house? She feeds us until the point of no return. 

Thanks for your kind words re my health.


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## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> Oh stop. He reinforced his concern already and his post was on topic. He thought of her because he was attracted to her...so what? *Maybe if she knew her body image was attractive to people like us her state of mind could've improved, even a little*. This was high school, where stuff like that can swallow your entire life.
> 
> I'm rather shocked at the reactions to this post.



I can't say that a man's positive viewpoint of how I look has made much of a difference to my self-esteem at all. Or the negative, for that matter. It is a nuetral issue at best. When I was young, I may have *thought* that it mattered, but it didn't. Self-esteem doesn't come from how other people view you (especially superficial things, like whether or not you're "hot"). So no, Dan ... that you might have found her attractive would not have snapped this girl out of what was obviously a very serious mental illness.


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## Shosh (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I can't say that a man's positive viewpoint of how I look has made much of a difference to my self-esteem at all. Or the negative, for that matter. It is a nuetral issue at best. When I was young, I may have *thought* that it mattered, but it didn't. Self-esteem doesn't come from how other people view you (especially superficial things, like whether or not you're "hot"). So no, Dan ... that you might have found her attractive would not have snapped this girl out of what was obviously a very serious mental illness.



I wish I was at the same stage you are with that Traci. I tend to base my whole worth as a person on how I am viewed by a man. I wish I could move away from that, but how to?


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## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I wish I was at the same stage you are with that Traci. I tend to base my whole worth as a person on how I am viewed by a man. I wish I could move away from that, but how to?



Susannah, I'm so glad to see that you're back and in better spirits. We missed you here. I'll PM you my response, since it has nothing to do with Middle Eastern women and weight gain


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## Jasrac*1964 (Jul 8, 2008)

This Middle Eastern woman put on a decent amount of weight over the years.


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## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

Ekim said:


> Yeah, the guy's only guilty of poor composition, let him be. The phrase "would have been fun", though, was probably too flippant though.



.......OTM dude.


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## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> obviously a very serious mental illness.



tread lightly, mon cliche. did you know this person? and i've known plenty of people who've seriously contemplated suicide...let's just say you're talking to one too...and they'd all kind of slap you for using this term because it has a habit of being grossly misapplied, particularly for a case you don't know personally.


and regardless of what we idealize, a fair amount of people in high school (and out of it) base their self-worth on what other people think of them. it's sad but it is. probably you too.


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## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> tread lightly, mon cliche. did you know this person? and i've known plenty of people who've seriously contemplated suicide...let's just say you're talking to one too...and they'd all kind of slap you for using this term because it has a habit of being grossly misapplied, particularly for a case you don't know personally.
> 
> 
> and regardless of what we idealize, a fair amount of people in high school (and out of it) base their self-worth on what other people think of them. it's sad but it is. probably you too.



Uh, Dan? KHayes went out of his way to mention that the girl was suicidal, and that she was a cutter. Yeah. She was mentally ill. I'm not attaching any kind of negative judgment to that statement, I'm simply stating a fact. I haven't any idea as to her clinical diagnosis, but I do know that someone who "routinely cuts herself in the school bathroom" has some serious mental health issues. 

And whether or not people *base* their feelings of self-worth on what other people think of them, typically, as they mature, they realize that this isn't the ideal way to measure self-worth. Regardless, though, I was making a point specific to what you said, because it really irks me when people think that they can either positively *or* negatively impact someone's self-esteem. First, it's arrogant. Second, it's just not practical. 

And speaking of cliches ... why don't we throw a few caricatures out there too? :bow:


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## Tooz (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> Yeah, rereading I do have to admit the juxtaposition was...jarring, to say the nicest. It still doesn't read like he was careless about the girl though, just careless about the transition from light topic to hard topic and back again.



Yeah, exactly.


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## FaxMachine1234 (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I can't say that a man's positive viewpoint of how I look has made much of a difference to my self-esteem at all. Or the negative, for that matter. It is a nuetral issue at best. When I was young, I may have *thought* that it mattered, but it didn't. Self-esteem doesn't come from how other people view you (especially superficial things, like whether or not you're "hot"). So no, Dan ... that you might have found her attractive would not have snapped this girl out of what was obviously a very serious mental illness.



Well I dunno, I was overweight during most of my elementary/high school years, and if I'd had someone who liked that superficial part of me, maybe it wouldn't have taken me until only a couple of years ago to feel very good about myself. It's easy to say now that that stuff was just inconsequential, but your social/love life is all you have when you're young, and sometimes it brings a nice spring in your step to know someone likes you. It may not be "mature", but it's true.


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## altered states (Jul 8, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Bull.
> 
> Yeah, I needed to comment on this paragraph.
> 
> ...



I don't understand why you continue to come to the Weight Board when you find so much here that offends you. For years, you and a few other posters have appointed yourselves Weight Board Police, slapping posters' hands when they step out of the bounds of taste, decorum, or political correctness. Fine, and that's your right of course, but why do so in a forum that has been specifically designed to exist beyond such bounds, unless your goal is to destroy it? That's not exercising free speech - it's the opposite of it.


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## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

Ekim said:


> Well I dunno, I was overweight during most of my elementary/high school years, and if I'd had someone who liked that superficial part of me, maybe it wouldn't have taken me until only a couple of years ago to feel very good about myself. It's easy to say now that that stuff was just inconsequential, but your social/love life is all you have when you're young, and sometimes it brings a nice spring in your step to know someone likes you. It may not be "mature", but it's true.



Ekim, I don't think that it's shallow or superficial to *want* to be found attractive, especially by people that we're equally attracted to. I just don't find it a useful measure of self worth. Gorgeous people have self-esteem issues, too. My two younger sisters are rather objectively pretty (stunningly beautiful, when fully made up). Both struggle with their own issues, and neither are swayed much by what the opposite sex thinks of them. One sister turns 40 this year, and we joke about the ravages of time and about how we've joined this secret society wherein we're all but invisible to many men except as 'ma'am'  I've never been the type that has men rush to open doors for me while trying not to drool all over themselves, nor have I ever experienced the "all eyes turn to me" phenomenon when I enter a room. My sisters have. One thing we're all in agreement on, though: it's a liberating thing, in its own way, to just be viewed as a woman .... full stop. It's nice to be thought of as attractive, but that's not going to pay the bills or keep the kids fed 'n happy or insulate us from sickness, loss, death, grief. What I have found is that for me (speaking for myself only) ... my joy and confidence and feelings of self-worth come from nothing more than trying to ensure that I live a life in which my actions match my convictions. 

Of course it's immature for a teenager to pin his/her feelings of self-worth on whether other people find him/her attractive .... teenagers are, pretty much by definition, immature  And yes, I can remember thinking that I'd just *die* if a boy that I liked didn't find me attractive. But experience taught me that I can (and did) live through these cycles of drama and rejection, and that I won't give anyone the power to influence my self-esteem. 



tres huevos said:


> I don't understand why you continue to come to the Weight Board when you find so much here that offends you. For years, you and a few other posters have appointed yourselves Weight Board Police, slapping posters' hands when they step out of the bounds of taste, decorum, or political correctness. Fine, and that's your right of course, but why do so in a forum that has been specifically designed to exist beyond such bounds, unless your goal is to destroy it? That's not exercising free speech - it's the opposite of it.



This is unfair, and your criticism is far out of proportion to what Mossy actually said (which I agree with). Frankly, I'm tired of this kind of thing -- men behaving badly, and then when they're called on it, why, we're nothing but .... hags .... or haters ... or we just want to "destroy Dimensions". That's a cheap shot, and you know it.


----------



## Kortana (Jul 8, 2008)

OH MY GOD!! This is all so far off the topic it's sick! Khayes said what he said, maybe not in the best taste-- he explained himself. Can't we just let it go? Now this thread will become like so many others- one pitched against the other about who said what- when and all that crap!

Ugh.


----------



## mossystate (Jul 8, 2008)

tres huevos said:


> I don't understand why you continue to come to the Weight Board when you find so much here that offends you. For years, you and a few other posters have appointed yourselves Weight Board Police, slapping posters' hands when they step out of the bounds of taste, decorum, or political correctness. Fine, and that's your right of course, but why do so in a forum that has been specifically designed to exist beyond such bounds, unless your goal is to destroy it? That's not exercising free speech - it's the opposite of it.



This would have been a grand scolding...if....this post had not first been on the Main Board, for quite some time, and I had not commented on the post in question, when this was on the Main Board.

If you had bothered to notice, I did not say anything about the ' gaining ' aspect of the post in question. As I said to Khayes...onwards and upwards. It is not a bad thing to separate what pertains to weight..and what has to do with something very much not about weight.

I revisited a thread that I had every right revisiting. Perhaps you should understand what went on here..and what did not. Thanks. Bye.

Again...Khayes....onwards and upwards.


----------



## vardon_grip (Jul 8, 2008)

Jasrac*1964 said:


> This Middle Eastern woman put on a decent amount of weight over the years.



The woman in the picture doesn't look large by any means. Other than a slightly larger jowl, the woman doesn't look very different. Sharbat Gula was 12 when the original (famous) photo was taken and 18 years had transpired by the time the second photo was snapped in 2002. It looks to me that all she did was grow up-not out.


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## altered states (Jul 8, 2008)

mossystate said:


> This would have been a grand scolding...if....this post had not first been on the Main Board, for quite some time, and I had not commented on the post in question, when this was on the Main Board.
> 
> If you had bothered to notice, I did not say anything about the ' gaining ' aspect of the post in question. As I said to Khayes...onwards and upwards. It is not a bad thing to separate what pertains to weight..and what has to do with something very much not about weight.
> 
> ...



Thankfully my life doesn't accommodate monitoring the history of every thread on Dimensions, but the post I was responding to most definitely was posted here on the Weight Board. Yes, your outrage wasn't directed towards weight gain, but rather something tangential to it. That just means you've found a loophole that serves your purposes while, again, violating both the rules and spirit of this board.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Uh, Dan? KHayes went out of his way to mention that the girl was suicidal, and that she was a cutter. Yeah. She was mentally ill. I'm not attaching any kind of negative judgment to that statement, I'm simply stating a fact. I haven't any idea as to her clinical diagnosis, but I do know that someone who "routinely cuts herself in the school bathroom" has some serious mental health issues.
> 
> And whether or not people *base* their feelings of self-worth on what other people think of them, typically, as they mature, they realize that this isn't the ideal way to measure self-worth. Regardless, though, I was making a point specific to what you said, because it really irks me when people think that they can either positively *or* negatively impact someone's self-esteem. First, it's arrogant. Second, it's just not practical.
> 
> And speaking of cliches ... why don't we throw a few caricatures out there too? :bow:



You know Dr. Phil's not actually a doctor, right? Sorry if this is like, the easter bunny for you all over again.


----------



## Tooz (Jul 8, 2008)

I applaud Mr. Three Eggs.

He has some balls to say what he's sayin', anyway.


----------



## snuggletiger (Jul 8, 2008)

Lets get back to the issue at hand of weight gain being prevalent in Mid Eastern nations. The nice psychodrama of cutting and mental health can be found in side 3 over there next to the razors.


----------



## mossystate (Jul 8, 2008)

tres huevos said:


> Thankfully my life doesn't accommodate monitoring the history of every thread on Dimensions, but the post I was responding to most definitely was posted here on the Weight Board. Yes, your outrage wasn't directed towards weight gain, but rather something tangential to it. That just means you've found a loophole that serves your purposes while, again, violating both the rules and spirit of this board.



Again...I posted when this was on the Main Board. I responded to what I thought was a disservice to many FA's. Perhaps your energy should directed at getting this thread placed on the weight gain part of this board. Oh, and I have also posted in the ' Geezer ' thread. I guess I should not have done that, as it is on the Weight Board. I have done no loophole finding. You just do not want certain people here, no matter what they post.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> You know Dr. Phil's not actually a doctor, right? Sorry if this is like, the easter bunny for you all over again.



This is the best you can do?   

Very clever, little boy. Now, why don't you let the grown-ups speak?


----------



## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

mossystate said:


> what I thought was a disservice to many FA's



it's sweet of you to look out for us. :smitten:


----------



## vardon_grip (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> You know Dr. Phil's not actually a doctor, right? Sorry if this is like, the easter bunny for you all over again.



You know Dr. Phil is ACTUALLY a doctor. 

McGraw graduated in 1975 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology. He went on to earn a Master's degree in experimental psychology in 1976, and a *Ph.D* in clinical psychology in 1979 at the University of North Texas.

_Doctor of Philosophy, abbreviated Ph.D. or PhD for the Latin Philosophiæ Doctor, meaning "teacher of philosophy", (or, more rarely, D.Phil., for the equivalent Doctor Philosophiæ)_ I thought that last part was funny...D. Phil!


----------



## mossystate (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> it's sweet of you to look out for us. :smitten:



I said..many..not all....:smitten:


----------



## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> This is the best you can do?
> 
> Very clever, little boy. Now, why don't you let the grown-ups speak?



I wrote a paragraph originally on the psychology of cutting from my personal experience and how adults who blindly categorize to suit their need for compartmentalizion of the "mentally ill" do more damage than good. But I realized the futility and waste of words. In this thread, you haven't showed the capacity or humility to learn. Little boy.


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## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

mossystate said:


> I said..many..not all....:smitten:



You're covered, I was being arch.


----------



## mossystate (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> You're covered, I was being arch.



yup...understood


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> I wrote a paragraph originally on the psychology of cutting from my personal experience and how adults who blindly categorize to suit their need for compartmentalizion of the "mentally ill" do more damage than good. But I realized the futility and waste of words. You don't show the capacity or humility to learn. Little boy.



I wasn't "compartmentalizing" anyone. I was stating a measurable, observable fact: That a young woman who cuts herself and attempts/ideates about suicide is mentally ill. As in, not mentally healthy. As in, needs professional help, not fawning adoration of her fat body. As in, your interjection that if only she knew that men like you exist, and that you find her "hawt" seemed rather ridiculous to me. 

You are correct, though, in assuming that *your* words would have been wasted on me. I've seen your cruel and tactless antics trotted out a few too many times for me to take much of what you say at all seriously.


----------



## Tooz (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I've seen your cruel and tactless antics trotted out a few too many times for me to take much of what you say at all seriously.



Well, aren't we getting a little personal?


----------



## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I've seen your cruel and tactless antics trotted out a few too many times for me to take much of what you say at all seriously.



You didn't say humorless.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 8, 2008)

So, anyone want some of my animal crackers? You can join me in biting the heads off of those .. may be good substitute for the time being, may keep y'all from doing it to each other.

I wish Khayes would find me hot. It'd definitely get me through many sleepless nights.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

Tooz said:


> Well, aren't we getting a little personal?



Predictable. Right on schedule.



exile in thighville said:


> You didn't say humorless.



Nope, humorless wasn't on my list.


----------



## snuggletiger (Jul 8, 2008)

OK we get the part about the chick being mentally ill and cutting herself. The way it keeps getting broadcast about this girl cutting herself, you begin to think some people take a perverse pleasure in the fact there's mentally ill people out there. Ok FYI I don't see the glamour in cutting. but there are some folks in this thread who cling to it like a Linus Van Pelt blue blanket.


----------



## Tooz (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I've seen your cruel and tactless antics trotted out a few too many times for me to take much of what you say at all seriously.



ALSO!! I wouldn't say "cruel," more "harsh."


And don't give me that "right on schedule" business. If I am predictable, then you are just as much so, honeypie.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Nope, humorless wasn't on my list.



It's on mine.


----------



## snuggletiger (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> It's on mine.



but how much can you laugh at a kid cutting themselves in a bathroom? There's not alot of room to work with there. Lets add Snarky to round out the list.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

snuggletiger said:


> but how much can you laugh at a kid cutting themselves in a bathroom? There's not alot of room to work with there. Lets add Snarky to round out the list.



There is much humor to be derived from the mentally ill, especially when you're as cruel as I.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

Tooz said:


> ALSO!! I wouldn't say "cruel," more "harsh."
> 
> 
> And don't give me that "right on schedule" business. If I am predictable, then you are just as much so, honeypie.



Tooz, I may be many things, but your "honeypie" is not one of them. Trust me on that one.

Now, don't you have a few other people to scold today?


----------



## Tooz (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Tooz, I may be many things, but your "honeypie" is not one of them. Trust me on that one.
> 
> Now, don't you have a few other people to scold today?



Don't *YOU* have a few other people to scold today, sweetpea? :wubu:


----------



## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

yeah, check yourself before you riggedy wreck your self


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## KHayes666 (Jul 8, 2008)

Ok, here's somethin to lighten the mood because this is getting out of hand and I really don't want Tooz to snap Traci in half.


http://youtube.com/watch?v=mrpC036dYMM


Oh and BGB....if you were a woman you'd be number 1 on my hotties list.


----------



## snuggletiger (Jul 8, 2008)

Is this a bad time to chime in "LETS GET READY TO RUMMMMMBLLLEEEEEE" and do the introductions from the red and blue corners?


----------



## Tooz (Jul 8, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Ok, here's somethin to lighten the mood because this is getting out of hand and I really don't want Tooz to snap Traci in half.
> 
> 
> http://youtube.com/watch?v=mrpC036dYMM
> ...



I have no upper body strength, I could never do that!


----------



## altered states (Jul 8, 2008)

snuggletiger said:


> Is this a bad time to chime in "LETS GET READY TO RUMMMMMBLLLEEEEEE" and do the introductions from the red and blue corners?



Done. You now owe Michael Buffer $60,000.


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 8, 2008)

Tooz said:


> I have no upper body strength, I could never do that!



I see then....well everyone calm down anyway.

Don't make me do a german dance I picked up from South Park lol


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

Tooz said:


> Don't *YOU* have a few other people to scold today, sweetpea? :wubu:



I see that you're attempting to add 'condescending' to your neat little bag of tricks, Tooz. It doesn't suit you. 

Really -- you should stick to the 'holier than thou' schtick. 

Just some warm, friendly advise ... free of charge! :wubu:


----------



## Fairest Epic (Jul 8, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> So, anyone want some of my animal crackers? You can join me in biting the heads off of those .. may be good substitute for the time being, may keep y'all from doing it to each other.
> 
> I wish Khayes would find me hot. It'd definitely get me through many sleepless nights.



Might i have something other than the heads? I mean i'm not a zombie, so brains dont really do anything for me. Plus, i'm a hungry gal bent on gaining. So, might you share your animal cracker ass as well? 

please oh please?
haha


----------



## Tooz (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I see that you're attempting to add 'condescending' to your neat little bag of tricks, Tooz. It doesn't suit you.
> 
> Really -- you should stick to the 'holier than thou' schtick.



I just find all the projection quite amusing is all.


----------



## waldo (Jul 8, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Bull.
> 
> Yeah, I needed to comment on this paragraph.
> 
> ...



While the controversy has nothing to do with Hayes being an FA, I must point out the bolded statement above. Are you insinuating that somehow the "majority of men who like fat women" are somehow more refined than their non-FA counterparts or should somehow be held to a higher standard? I have a little news for you: men make crude comments - it is part of who we are. Now, the more sophisticated/mature men try to keep the crude comments to a minimum in the presence of ladies. As has been pointed out recently on another thread, men are 'tolerated' on the Dimensions boards when we 'behave ourselves' as boulder FA is once again pointing out. The bottom line problem is there remains nowhere on the Dimensions boards where men can be men and make our crude comments without, as tres huevos so aptly pointed out, some self-appointed Board Police coming along and railing on about how offended they are.

Regarding, Hayes, I find it interesting that he made the following points in his response to your original post: "I looked for her on facebook and myspace a few years ago and couldn't find her....I pray she only just doesn't have them and not the worst case scenario."

So he prays that this girl is OK, but yet he still deserves the grief he was given on this thread subsequently. What a load of garbage.


----------



## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I see that you're attempting to add 'condescending' to your neat little bag of tricks, Tooz. It doesn't suit you.
> 
> Really -- you should stick to the 'holier than thou' schtick.
> 
> Just some warm, friendly advise ... free of charge! :wubu:



Your dictionary's off. Real talk for a second: "Very clever, little boy. Now, why don't you let the grown-ups speak?" You don't think this to be a condescending phrase? And you don't think that "cruel/tactless" garble was trying to make yourself look say, "holier' than someone?

Like, I'm just nipping this in the bud right now. Me and Tooz are like, forty years younger than you and we're out-adulting you. Just stop already. It's just unproductive.


----------



## mossystate (Jul 8, 2008)

waldo said:


> Are you insinuating that somehow the "majority of men who like fat women" are somehow more refined than their non-FA counterparts or should somehow be held to a higher standard? I have a little news for you: men make crude comments - it is part of who we are.



I used the tag..FA..cuz that's what Boulder brought up. He said FA'S did not feel comfy. Nowhere in my OP did I say jack about FA's. My thing was about the seeming lack of tact. I posted once...once...when this was on the Main Board. I posted again, when I saw the load of garbage about FA's not posting, because, I would have said the same thing to someone who was not a FA and not talking about anything remotely smacking of...fat chat. Seems you are playing the victim. Khayes already said he was clumsy. I said onwards and upwards. 

So, let me get this straight. Men are men and will be crude, will say things that are not always positive. As a woman, I am to accept that and never say anything that YOU, as a man, might not like. In these parts, we call that a....double standard. 

As for the ' grief ' I gave Khayes...if that ( my one post ) is grief to you, you are real delicate..for a manly man. See, I can play like one of the boys. May I have a key to the treehouse? I promise to bring beer.

oy


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> Your dictionary's off. Real talk for a second: "Very clever, little boy. Now, why don't you let the grown-ups speak?" You don't think this to be a condescending phrase? And you don't think that "cruel/tactless" garble was trying to make yourself look say, "holier' than someone?
> 
> Like, I'm just nipping this in the bud right now. Me and Tooz are like, forty years younger than you and we're out-adulting you. Just stop already. It's just unproductive.



Uh? Dan? I'd advise you to go back and reread your own outlandish mess before commenting on mine. Same to you, Tooz. Basically, I served you both a heaping helping of what you've been trying to shovel down my throat. I understand what you're both up to, and I refuse to be bullied by either of you. Frankly, had I started the shitstorm that either of you did, I'd have been banned (and I *was* banned, for an objectively far less nasty offense than anything I see in this thread, and elsewhere, where the two of you spread your nastiness). 

The age-ist jokes don't really work on me, Dan. I'm quite happy and comfortable with where I am. I've a feeling that what *really* irks you about me is ... just that. I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed. And I recognize bullshit when I see it. In your world, I suppose that *does* make me a boy, eh? 

Yes, I was condescending towards you, and frankly, you deserved it. 

Ditto, Tooz.


----------



## Tooz (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Uh? Dan? I'd advise you to go back and reread your own outlandish mess before commenting on mine. Same to you, Tooz. Basically, I served you both a heaping helping of what you've been trying to shovel down my throat. I understand what you're both up to, and I refuse to be bullied by either of you. Frankly, had I started the shitstorm that either of you did, I'd have been banned (and I *was* banned, for an objectively far less nasty offense than anything I see in this thread, and elsewhere, where the two of you spread your nastiness).
> 
> The age-ist jokes don't really work on me, Dan. I'm quite happy and comfortable with where I am. I've a feeling that what *really* irks you about me is ... just that. I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed. And I recognize bullshit when I see it. In your world, I suppose that *does* make me a boy, eh?
> 
> ...



I'm just saying I'm way more likely to listen when it's someone who doesn't do the exact same thing to anyone and everyone.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jul 8, 2008)

Tooz said:


> I'm just saying I'm way more likely to listen when it's someone who doesn't do the exact same thing to anyone and everyone.



I'm just saying I'm way more likely to listen when it's someone who doesn't do the exact same thing to anyone and everyone.


----------



## TearInYourHand (Jul 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> I wrote a paragraph originally on the psychology of cutting from my personal experience and how adults who blindly categorize to suit their need for compartmentalizion of the "mentally ill" do more damage than good.



Dan, meet my friend, the DSM-IV. DSM-IV, this is Dan.



TraciJo67 said:


> You are correct, though, in assuming that *your* words would have been wasted on me. I've seen your cruel and tactless antics trotted out a few too many times for me to take much of what you say at all seriously.





exile in thighville said:


> You didn't say humorless.



Oh, oh, humorless!

:bow:


----------



## Leonard (Jul 8, 2008)

Yikers.

Hey there TraciJo67, Tooz and Dan. It makes me sad to see you guys fighting. It's also perversely thrilling to watch a trio of forum celebrities have it out. "Dimensions Forums All-Stars Wrestling Spectacular", know what I'm sayin'? Anyway, KHayes is a good guy, methinks. His post was carelessly written but he's admitted to that so it's cool. I also think the three of you are all fiercely intelligent people who have argued your points of view really well.

Also, I think it's funny that somewhere there's a cute middle eastern girl who went to high school with KHayes and has absolutely no idea that she was the indirect cause of an internet forum shitstorm. Someone should probably let her know so she can come in here and shed some light on things.

Finally, I've never really noticed it before, but if Middle Eastern women are more likely to gain weight than other women for some some reason then...that's hot and I like it.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 8, 2008)

This thread sucks.......


----------



## Wagimawr (Jul 8, 2008)

i know rite

MAKE WIT DA PIX

please to there being no bleedings... no es gurochan


----------



## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Uh? Dan? I'd advise you to go back and reread your own outlandish mess before commenting on mine. Same to you, Tooz. Basically, I served you both a heaping helping of what you've been trying to shovel down my throat. I understand what you're both up to, and I refuse to be bullied by either of you. Frankly, had I started the shitstorm that either of you did, I'd have been banned (and I *was* banned, for an objectively far less nasty offense than anything I see in this thread, and elsewhere, where the two of you spread your nastiness).
> 
> The age-ist jokes don't really work on me, Dan. I'm quite happy and comfortable with where I am. I've a feeling that what *really* irks you about me is ... just that. I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed. And I recognize bullshit when I see it. In your world, I suppose that *does* make me a boy, eh?
> 
> ...



Bullied? I chimed in to reality-check the henhouse dogging KHayes and kind of slapped him on the wrist as well. The fuck you talkin about? I only spread my nastiness up the assholes of kinkier dims folk, really. Consensual! No homo.

It wasn't an ageist joke...I love age. It was more of a pointer that age-privileged condescension works best when you don't reduce yourself to our level.

I don't want you to listen to me actually, hear out Tres Huevos.

NIP IT IN THE BUD


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 9, 2008)

Leonard said:


> Yikers.
> 
> Hey there TraciJo67, Tooz and Dan. It makes me sad to see you guys fighting. It's also perversely thrilling to watch a trio of forum celebrities have it out. "Dimensions Forums All-Stars Wrestling Spectacular", know what I'm sayin'? Anyway, KHayes is a good guy, methinks. His post was carelessly written but he's admitted to that so it's cool. I also think the three of you are all fiercely intelligent people who have argued your points of view really well.
> 
> ...



Thanks Leonard.

A little (ok, A LOT) backstory, I was just getting into the whole BBW/FA community my senior year primarily due to a female friend of mine putting on what appeared to be 50 lbs between the end of my junior year and the start of my senior.

After football and wrestling seasons, my mind became focused on friends and other vices I had to let go of to concentrate of athletics. I then started reading Dimensions Stories and some ranged from extremely outrageous to shockingly reality based. I then began to notice my female classmates in ways I never thought of before, how they've changed since we first got to high school (or even middle and elementary). For example I noticed a relatively thin girl (also in the play with me and the middle eastern girl) from my 5th grade class had by now had distinct lovehandles and a little potbelly. In my finds I also noted the middle eastern girl, I'll call her Salima for namesake. Salima wasn't thin when she first transfered my sophomore year, but when I compared yearbook pictures from 02 and 04 there was a noticable difference.

When it came time for the senior class play, I noticed that Salima was going to be apart of it...and over the past few months I had been going into dimensions chat to see what kind of fat women there were out in the world. I was seriously considering asking her out or to at least get to know each other better with the hope that I could find out exactly why she had put on weight. ....oh, and before you all gang tackle me again, I was only 17 at the time so if you're sitting back going "ugh, all he wanted to do was ask how much she weighed, well I never!" I got a big bunch of bananas and I can tell you where to stick each and every one of them.

Now here's where the curveball was thrown. I had only been in a few classes with Salima the last 3 years so I really never got too close to her, but one of the first dress rehearsals I could see the scars on her wrist as clear as day. Right then and there I knew something was wrong with her mentally and my thought process of asking her out and such went out the window. Like I said earlier, one time she actually started crying and stormed out of the theater. The director and I followed her in the hall where she produced a razor and I had to pry it from her hands in one of the scariest moments in my life. Her weight meant nothing to me by that point, I just wanted her alive. I held her in my arms and this is when I started thinking about depression and the impact it has on people. That's what I was originally intending when I made my initial post, it would have been a nice Q and A session to see what exactly happened with her but once I learned she was suicidal/depressed I put those plans on standby because her safety was more important. 

I guess the reason I didn't explain myself this thouroughly before was for the simple fact I sometimes don't think too much before I post. This time I thought it through so maybe some people can claim some lost respect they had for me.


----------



## J34 (Jul 9, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> This thread sucks.......



yup.

I wonder how many pages it took before it went off-topic?


----------



## chapelhillmensch (Jul 9, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Too bad she was suicidal...would have been fun to see how much she's grown now.




?!?!?:doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: 

I need to Know,
Do you you make faces at Blind People?
Do you piss on a toilet seat on purpose?
Tell a woman you have protection when you don't?

Sit back re-read that sentence...let it sink in. 

'Too bad she was a Jew...would have been fun to see how much she's grown now if she wasn't starved at Sobibor.'

'Too bad she was Anorexic...would have been fun to see how much she's grown now if she wasn't dead'

'Too bad she was poor and black living in Robert Taylor Homes...would have been fun to see how much she's grown now if she wasn't dead'

Anytime you can find a way to justfy a woman/man being Fat and sexy over thier well being whether mental or physical is *asinine*. (If that is to big of a word for you maybe these synonyms will help:absurd, dense, doltish, idiotic, imbecilic, inept, lamebrained, mindless, senseless, silly, simple, simpleminded, stupid) .

I am not attacking you as a person just your above comment. But Good Good man their must have been a time in High School when you wondered why every direction or address given to you for a Party/Kegger was totally wrong.

Ok Back into retirement!!!!


P.S.

Hello Suzy!!
Hello Ripley!!!



_-INTO my heart on air that kills	
From yon far country blows:	
What are those blue remembered hills,	
What spires, what farms are those?	

That is the land of lost content, 
I see it shining plain,	
The happy highways where I went	
And cannot come again-
_

A. E. Housman 
A Shropshire Lad. 1896.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jul 9, 2008)

Dan, if I subtract the smokescreen from your most recent response to me, I have ... poof ... nothing.

YOU started this. YOU. I commented on something you said that I disagreed with. I did not personally attack you. You came back with: 



exile in thighville said:


> *tread lightly, mon cliche*. did you know this person? and i've known plenty of people who've seriously contemplated suicide...let's just say you're talking to one too...and they'd all kind of slap you for using this term because it has a habit of being grossly misapplied, particularly for a case you don't know personally.



I don't have to look any further than your own bullying, mean-spirited words. And this isn't the first time I've had such an encounter with you, nor is it the first time I've seen you treat others in the exact same (or worse) manner. You're rude, intentionally brash, and ... 



exile in thighville said:


> to reality-check the henhouse dogging KHayes



... sexist to boot.




> and kind of slapped him on the wrist as well. The fuck you talkin about? *I only spread my nastiness up the assholes of kinkier dims folk*, really. Consensual! No homo.



Brash. Had I said this, I'd have been banned. Oh, and I suppose that since underneath all of that hostility you're really an upstanding, liberal kind of guy, we should all overlook the homophobia. Because you're just joking, naturally.



> It wasn't an ageist joke...I love age. It was more of a pointer that age-privileged condescension works best when you don't reduce yourself to our level.



I'm not going to give up on this, Dan, no matter how you try to spin it. You started this by personally attacking me. Stop attacking me, and I'll back down. You aren't going to "shame" or bully me into doing so. I'm tired of your crap.

And yes, it was ageist, but you're right that it wasn't really a joke. You were intentionally trying to insult me. Thing is, you splattered a large percentage of 40+ women in the process. Par for the course with you, Dan. 



> I don't want you to listen to me actually, hear out Tres Huevos.



Nice. Drag other people into your battles. Intimidated much?


----------



## snuggletiger (Jul 9, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> This thread sucks.......



ummm yeah what GEF said.


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## Waxwing (Jul 9, 2008)

KHayes spoke without thinking. He didn't really say anything wrong. People get depressed, people cut. It's high school. It happens. Shit, I've been there, and I sure as hell don't want to be coddled about it. Khayes obviously felt bad for this girl, but it doesn't mean that a thousand years later he has to walk on fucking eggshells about someone none of us even know. 

Is it tiresome to anyone else that every thread these days seems to degenerate into a slap fight? I feel like every thread is a crap-shoot. Will I or won't I have to scroll past 4357834587945 posts of people snarking at each other? Who can tell!


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## KHayes666 (Jul 9, 2008)

chapelhillmensch said:


> ?!?!?:doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh:
> 
> I need to Know,
> Do you you make faces at Blind People?
> ...



Did you read the entire thread and completely miss my follow up posts or are you just trying to kiss ass? Seriously, this late in the thread you look really out of place.

Oh and about "being given wrong addresses for parties" I was on 2 sports teams in high school, if anything I was the one at the parties throwing people like you out the front door


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## sweet&fat (Jul 9, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> KHayes spoke without thinking. He didn't really say anything wrong. People get depressed, people cut. It's high school. It happens. Shit, I've been there, and I sure as hell don't want to be coddled about it. Khayes obviously felt bad for this girl, but it doesn't mean that a thousand years later he has to walk on fucking eggshells about someone none of us even know.
> 
> *Is it tiresome to anyone else that every thread these days seems to degenerate into a slap fight? *I feel like every thread is a crap-shoot. Will I or won't I have to scroll past 4357834587945 posts of people snarking at each other? Who can tell!



Why yes, it is.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 9, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> Why yes, it is.



Jene Leute haben nichts besser zu tun. Sie halten gerade, schön zu sein


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## Blackjack (Jul 9, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Is it tiresome to anyone else that every thread these days seems to degenerate into a slap fight? I feel like every thread is a crap-shoot. Will I or won't I have to scroll past 4357834587945 posts of people snarking at each other? Who can tell!



Agreed.


People, 

*JUST LET SHIT GO.*

You don't have to be some goddamn crusader all the time, picking fights with whoever slights someone else.

If you're reading this and you think it might be about you, it probably applies... and not just for any one person, but for all sides in this and many other recent arguments here.

I'm so sick of logging in and seeing page after page of bullshit and drama and fighting over something so incredibly stupid. I'm fed up with logging into chat and seeing people there insult members here for participating- or sometimes, strangely enough, for not participating- in the bullshit. (And yes, that is why I just left chat a short while ago instead of sticking around.)



Seriously... since when was the Weight Board supposed to be more of a battleground than Hyde Park?


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## altered states (Jul 9, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Is it tiresome to anyone else that every thread these days seems to degenerate into a slap fight? I feel like every thread is a crap-shoot. Will I or won't I have to scroll past 4357834587945 posts of people snarking at each other? Who can tell!



This is something to think about. 99% of threads that go off the rails are because someone pipes in with either old scores to settle, or it's an issue of style over substance. I'm guilty of it here, putting my $.02 in and furthering the digression. Of course I think MY viewpoint is important, damn the overall thread!

Unfortunately, to an extent I think it's a messiness that has to be lived with, the nature of an exchange where very different people are communicating in what's really a very limited form. Even the savviest poster can really fall flat when they're trying to be sarcastic, or flip, or, as here, just don't think it through before posting. Or just miss the boat entirely. It's fun and gratifying to edify the clueless or tactless (again, I've been guilty), but maybe it's not a great thing for the overall exchange. Certainly in real life I'd think twice about nailing someone I didn't know at a dinner party on their poor grammar or contrasting political/social views. And then there's the issue of old timers and newbies, and the different relationships that evolve (positive and negative), ganging up or settling scores.

I don't know the answer. Have everyone be on best behavior and the result be a board that's boring and soulless but always on-topic, or have a free-for-all where people hash it out, digress, and get pissed off enough to hash it out about the digressions, into infinity...?


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## waldo (Jul 9, 2008)

mossystate said:


> I used the tag..FA..cuz that's what Boulder brought up. He said FA'S did not feel comfy. Nowhere in my OP did I say jack about FA's. My thing was about the seeming lack of tact. I posted once...once...when this was on the Main Board. I posted again, when I saw the load of garbage about FA's not posting, because, I would have said the same thing to someone who was not a FA and not talking about anything remotely smacking of...fat chat. Seems you are playing the victim. Khayes already said he was clumsy. I said onwards and upwards.
> 
> So, let me get this straight. Men are men and will be crude, will say things that are not always positive. As a woman, I am to accept that and never say anything that YOU, as a man, might not like. In these parts, we call that a....double standard.
> 
> ...



Yes I am a real delicate but manly man (tough on the outside - fragile on the inside). You nailed it  And sorry, no girls allowed in the treehouse, EVER! Maybe we could meet up for a beer somewhere else after


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> KHayes spoke without thinking. He didn't really say anything wrong. *People get depressed, people cut. It's high school.* It happens. Shit, I've been there, and I sure as hell don't want to be coddled about it. Khayes obviously felt bad for this girl, but it doesn't mean that a thousand years later he has to walk on fucking eggshells about someone none of us even know.


Call it ageist thinking, but when high school for the poster in question was only FOUR YEARS AGO, something tells me the life experiences in this case are lacking, as is tact. I am approaching a 20 year HS reunion, and I know the age demo for this place tends to the 30+ range. This is not a board for early post-teens, in my unsolicited get-the-hell-off-my-lawn opinion, but they make great cougar-fodder, so more power to them, I guess. 

I think chapelhillmensch hit it right on the head. KH did say something interpretable as cruel in many people's eyes. He may have apologized in a roundabout way, but then it just went off on this other tangent. You can't always take back what you've said and be completely forgiven for it.

This is why I read, then re-read, then read again after I post most of the time, to ensure what I am saying is clear, concise and free of as much potential misinterpretation as possible. Most posts have an EDIT function that is usable to a degree. It's very helpful, but it doesn't solve all problems. This board is highly unforgiving in many ways...if you can't take it, there's the door. I've come close to opening that door several times, but the friends and the topics of interest here I do have keep me here. I have made numerous mistakes on here in my relatively short tenure, and one is not taking into account that people here are VERY sensitive to issues of

sexism
racism
size-ism
paysites, model respect and anonymity
fetishism of feeding/gaining/losing/surgical weight loss
mental and physical disabilities/illnesses

That's a huge-ass mountain of issues to screen for in every post. More often than not, I take the posts of certain people and dismiss them because in a general sense pursuing an argument is futile, both from the virtual slapfighting that ensues to the clique members and mods circling like vultures ready to pick off the frail in various shows of solidarity or control. Everyone is human, so we do have that to fall back on when we do make these mistakes, however in some cases it's an issue of quantity before I stop giving certain people the benefit of the doubt.


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 10, 2008)

> Call it ageist thinking, but when high school for the poster in question was only FOUR YEARS AGO, something tells me the life experiences in this case are lacking, as is tact. I am approaching a 20 year HS reunion, and I know the age demo for this place tends to the 30+ range. This is not a board for early post-teens, in my unsolicited get-the-hell-off-my-lawn opinion, but they make great cougar-fodder, so more power to them, I guess.



It is ageist thinking which is why I'm calling it that. To say a 20 something contributes less than somebody 10 years older is ageist. Period.

A 25 year old may have spent 2 years on active duty in Iraq whereas a 70 year old socialite may have done nothing more active and intellectual than organizing a charity fundraiser. 

Unless you're around 100, there are pretty much always going to be people around who are older than you so playing the age card is kind of silly.

Saying the younger crowd is nothing but cougar-fodder is rude both to older women and younger men. There are many younger folks who contribute mightily to this board and to size acceptance in general. Younger people should not be reduced to sexual objects any more than older people should be made to think they no longer have an active sexuality.


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## Raqui (Jul 10, 2008)

i know there is an article about it because i researched it before but this is what i found on a website.

http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/world-news/fat-women-happiest-and-most-secure-in-relationships_100547.html


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## Raqui (Jul 10, 2008)

here is an article about feeding farms.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/crossing_continents/6591835.stm


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 10, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> It is ageist thinking which is why I'm calling it that. To say a 20 something contributes less than somebody 10 years older is ageist. Period.


Then let me clarify: Somebody 10 years younger than the average age of people here may tend to approach issues with a less mature manner than someone 10-20 years their senior. I know 20somethings on here who I respect wholeheartedly for their intellect, maturity and overall ethical conduct, but they are in a very small minority. There are others who just need to go back to their myspace electronic crayon-equivalent commenting style and leave the bEEg wurdly topicks for the adults. There are of course 30-40+ year olds who blow my bell curve distribution all to hell, so again, back to the simple meaning of "unsolicited opinion," which is your right to disagree with.



> A 25 year old may have spent 2 years on active duty in Iraq whereas a 70 year old socialite may have done nothing more active and intellectual than organizing a charity fundraiser.


Good point. But we're not talking 25 year old veterans, are we? I have two 25 year olds in my extended family who are in the military. One I would love to see as President of the US someday. The other one is impossible to talk to over the sound of the air whistling between his ears (and curls his biceps almost as much as his hair). We're talking this board, these people, and age as a factor in one's posting maturity. Perhaps it is generational; [crotchety voice] in my day,[/crotchety voice] suicide in high school was almost a taboo topic, and when it came up it was Serious Business (except for a school colleague who invoked the Law of Yearbooks in that one kid always had to kill themselves in order to have a proper dedication page in the yearbook--he was a people person). The flippant attitude with which suicide and other related issues (cutting, weight disorders, etc.) are thrown around these days may simply be an unfortunate sign of the times.



> Saying the younger crowd is nothing but cougar-fodder is rude both to older women and younger men. There are many younger folks who contribute mightily to this board and to size acceptance in general. Younger people should not be reduced to sexual objects any more than older people should be made to think they no longer have an active sexuality.


 The cougar aspect is only one of many, no need to put words into my mouth. Reading the crush threads is more than enough to imply that the ladies loves them some younger dudes. I would assume when you go to the paysite boards, you see a concomitant number of male used bathwater drinkers lusting over the nubiles.

As for contribution, quantity does not always imply quality. I know plenty of people who are "all about" size acceptance, as long as it is within the confines of a private, non-incriminating setting where friends and family need not know of their support for or attraction to larger people.

I also didn't imply that cougar = bad, only that I see a helluva lot more of it out there than the older guys openly lusting after the younger ladies.


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 10, 2008)

Ok. Good points.

Although my 20th has already approached so my points were _slightly_ better. (kidding...kidding...)


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## KHayes666 (Jul 10, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Then let me clarify: Somebody 10 years younger than the average age of people here may tend to approach issues with a less mature manner than someone 10-20 years their senior. I know 20somethings on here who I respect wholeheartedly for their intellect, maturity and overall ethical conduct, but they are in a very small minority. There are others who just need to go back to their myspace electronic crayon-equivalent commenting style and leave the bEEg wurdly topicks for the adults. There are of course 30-40+ year olds who blow my bell curve distribution all to hell, so again, back to the simple meaning of "unsolicited opinion," which is your right to disagree with.
> 
> 
> Good point. But we're not talking 25 year old veterans, are we? I have two 25 year olds in my extended family who are in the military. One I would love to see as President of the US someday. The other one is impossible to talk to over the sound of the air whistling between his ears (and curls his biceps almost as much as his hair). We're talking this board, these people, and age as a factor in one's posting maturity. Perhaps it is generational; [crotchety voice] in my day,[/crotchety voice] suicide in high school was almost a taboo topic, and when it came up it was Serious Business (except for a school colleague who invoked the Law of Yearbooks in that one kid always had to kill themselves in order to have a proper dedication page in the yearbook--he was a people person). The flippant attitude with which suicide and other related issues (cutting, weight disorders, etc.) are thrown around these days may simply be an unfortunate sign of the times.
> ...



A 25 year old that has been dating since he was 13 is a hell of a lot more experienced than a 40 year old virgin......just remember that.


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 10, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> A 25 year old that has been dating since he was 13 is a hell of a lot more experienced than a 40 year old virgin......just remember that.


 
I don't need a reminder, precious. Just because you've been fucking for 12 years doesn't necessarily make you a good lover. Again, quality != quantity. My issue was about age and maturity, not prowess.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 10, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> I don't need a reminder, precious. Just because you've been fucking for 12 years doesn't necessarily make you a good lover. Again, quality != quantity. My issue was about age and maturity, not prowess.



Aha! That's exactly what I'm talking about.

Someone who's been dating for over 12 years has more experience and has gone through many trial and error situations, whereas a 40 year old still living in his parents basement is liable to come up to a girl and completely scare her since he's not used to the situations with someone more experienced.

I can't say how many times i've seen in chatrooms old men coming off as creepy. Some lines just astound me "I'm 55 years old and lookin for a pig to fatten" does that guy HONESTLY think that's going to work in normal real life situations? Maybe on the internet but certainly not in reality. Go ahead, go to the nearest bar, find a fat woman and try that line out out on her. I'll be in the back near the payphone getting ready to call an ambulance after the woman lays him out.

I'm not saying all people over 40 are creepy, but for he most part when I see them hitting on girls my age, it gets a little creepy. For instance one time at a strip club I saw this old dude with a Members Only jacket literally rub his hands while walking before saying something to one of the dancers. Her face looked mortified and he followed her across the room before the doorman/bouncer got in his face and told him to leave. Age doesn't always mean experience and maturity.

You want to talk maturity....a 35 year old who's been divorced twice is more likely to break down and cry on a date because something "reminds him of his ex" than a 23 year old who simply blots out bad ex's. Sure the 35 year old divorcee may have been married for so long, but he was divorced for a reason and if he brings it up with someone new, that's not very mature. Or how about a man who's never been married at all because he's afraid of commitment, is that mature?

I'm not trying to say younger people are better than older, but you've blatently tried to prove the opposite. Age doesn't equal experience or maturity automatically.


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## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Aha! That's exactly what I'm talking about.
> For instance one time at a strip club I saw this old dude with a Members Only jacket literally rub his hands while walking before saying something to one of the dancers.



I will marry that man.

And yes, you're right that age doesn't equal maturity. But. A 20 year old who has had 10 relationships STILL approached and experienced every one of those ten relationships from a 20-year-old perspective. And that is necessarily different.


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## furious styles (Jul 10, 2008)

ageism, another elephant in the corner of the dimensions living room. another great reason to fight with each other. i love this place more every day.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> I will marry that man.
> 
> And yes, you're right that age doesn't equal maturity. But. A 20 year old who has had 10 relationships STILL approached and experienced every one of those ten relationships from a 20-year-old perspective. And that is necessarily different.
> 
> Edit: and because someone is going to ask "are you saying that relationships you have when very young aren't as real or valid as later ones?" Answer: yes. I am.



I want you to tell the members here that married their high school sweethearts 10 years ago that if they got divorced tomorrow that relationship will mean nothing as the next one they have.

Relationships are important no matter what age you are, its more experience learned.


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## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> ageism, another elephant in the corner of the dimensions living room. another great reason to fight with each other. i love this place more every day.



And one that was pulled out of someone's ass and had nothing to do with the original thread.


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## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> I want you to tell the members here that married their high school sweethearts 10 years ago that if they got divorced tomorrow that relationship will mean nothing as the next one they have.
> 
> Relationships are important no matter what age you are, its more experience learned.



But your perspective on a relationship is different if you're 16 or if you're 30. That's just the way it is. I'm not talking about the high school sweetheart married phenomenon. I'm saying that if you date someone at, say, 18, and that relationship doesn't last, it's not going to have the same impact on your life as it would later.

But how the fuck did this even come up?


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## furious styles (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> But how the fuck did this even come up?



because it's easy to pin khayes' abrasive comments on his age.

and, ironically enough, childish.


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## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> because it's easy to pin khayes' abrasive comments on his age.
> 
> and, ironically enough, childish.



Eh, I make abrasive comments all the time. Often intentionally. That has nothing to do with age, though perhaps I'm mighty immature for mine.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> But your perspective on a relationship is different if you're 16 or if you're 30. That's just the way it is. I'm not talking about the high school sweetheart married phenomenon. I'm saying that if you date someone at, say, 18, and that relationship doesn't last, it's not going to have the same impact on your life as it would later.
> 
> But how the fuck did this even come up?



We were discussing cutters and depression in high school and then Admiral Whatishisname came out of nowhere and basically said younger members have no business here, so I tried to serve him a cup of STHU by saying age means didlly squat compared to experience, but then you came in and said younger relationships don't mean as much when you;re older....and here we are.

One ounce of vomit led to a pile of excrement, that's how it came up.


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## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> We were discussing cutters and depression in high school and then Admiral Whatishisname came out of nowhere and basically said younger members have no business here, so I tried to serve him a cup of STHU by saying age means didlly squat compared to experience, but then you came in and said younger relationships don't mean as much when you;re older....and here we are.
> 
> One ounce of vomit led to a pile of excrement, that's how it came up.



Yeah but I don't have anything invested in the conversation. Still, I apologize for saying anything. Which is rare. But I should have realized it would just derail things further. Sorry, guys. Let's pretend I was wisely silent.

Back OT: people cut in high school, and later. It's sad, but you know, it is what it is. It's not brain cancer.


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## furious styles (Jul 10, 2008)

I understand what Snacks is talking about, I just don't really like that kind of thinking. I can see where he is coming from, but it just seems to be a naive viewpoint. You might assume most young people are more immature, and have perceived evidence toward that. You're probably not wrong. On the same token, an average person (non dimmer) might assume that most fat people eat a lot, and have perceived evidence toward _that_. Are they wrong? On this site, where the viewpoints on similar topics have been expanded, we would probably be able to say "yes they are". I understand the idea but pigeonholing, even without spite, isn't the way to go.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Yeah but I don't have anything invested in the conversation. Still, I apologize for saying anything. Which is rare. But I should have realized it would just derail things further. Sorry, guys. Let's pretend I was wisely silent.
> 
> Back OT: people cut in high school, and later. It's sad, but you know, it is what it is. It's not brain cancer.



No need to apologize, I just have gone through so much age related horse mulaki that I'm sick of being labeled.

If I had a nickel for everytime someone said "you're too young for me" or "I'm too old for you" "if only you were older/i was younger" or "you're my daughter/son/nephew/niece/dog/cat's age!" I'd buy an air clenser just to whack people in the head with it.....its really unfair.

Back OT: People do cut, but the point was I never got to find out what is it about the transition from the middle east to America that makes girls put on weight. I went to elementary school with a middle eastern girl who was really skinny and had just came over from the middle east, I'd love to see what she looks like now to add to the discussion.


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## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> I never got to find out what is it about the transition from the middle east to America that makes girls put on weight. I went to elementary school with a middle eastern girl who was really skinny and had just came over from the middle east, I'd love to see what she looks like now to add to the discussion.



Well I'm sure that's just the difference between American food and food....everywhere else on earth. Lots of people who move here gain weight because Americans eat a lot of starchy fatty food. And lord, do we ever snack. The huge amounts of packaged snacks and sugared sodas that we eat as a nation would make anyone gain weight-- *especially* someone who isn't used to eating that way.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Well I'm sure that's just the difference between American food and food....everywhere else on earth. Lots of people who move here gain weight because Americans eat a lot of starchy fatty food. And lord, do we ever snack. The huge amounts of packaged snacks and sugared sodas that we eat as a nation would make anyone gain weight-- *especially* someone who isn't used to eating that way.



Well that is the obvious conclusion, I was searching for other answers. You don't have to tell me twice about the fatty factor of American food lol


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## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Well that is the obvious conclusion, I was searching for other answers. You don't have to tell me twice about the fatty factor of American food lol



Yeah but I don't think there *is* another answer. What kind of answers are you looking for? Maybe....I suppose that culture shock and the stress of moving to an entirely new place might make you eat more just for comfort.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Yeah but I don't think there *is* another answer. What kind of answers are you looking for? Maybe....I suppose that culture shock and the stress of moving to an entirely new place might make you eat more just for comfort.



That's what I was talking about, the culture shock and comfort food. My plan was to sit down and talk with her about it, as illogical as that may seem but with the depression aspect involved, that derailed the plan completely.

I also know that anti-depressant medication makes people blow up like balloons, so if she was on some, there's also another reason for her growth.


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## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> That's what I was talking about, the culture shock and comfort food. My plan was to sit down and talk with her about it, as illogical as that may seem but with the depression aspect involved, that derailed the plan completely.
> 
> I also know that anti-depressant medication makes people blow up like balloons, so if she was on some, there's also another reason for her growth.



That makes sense. If someone is in a new situation, feeling far from home and lonely they might well start eating a lot. 

Some anti-depressants can, yes, and some make you lose tons. That always seemed sort of insane to me-- if you're already feeling out of control, I can't see that a sudden gain or loss, regardless of your will, will make you feel much better about things.


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## Angel (Jul 10, 2008)

Maybe I can add a little perspective.

3.83 GPA
11th in class
NHS VP
2x Who's Who Among American HS Students
More academic awards than I can remember.

I had more of an education than both parents. 
Eventually a genuis level IQ at a fairly young age.

Yeah. I thought I was smart, intelligent. Wasn't arrogant. Some things just came easy for me. I did have to bust my butt studying for exams, though.

I had a bf whom I eventually married.

So at say age 22-25, I was smart, intelligent, and experienced. I thought I knew "everything" and was prepared for whatever life may bring. 


When we're young most of us feel that way. We're ready to take on the world. We don't have fears. We live life as it comes. Nothing could ever stop us. At least that's what we think. As long as we have an education, experience, and are healthy, we have no fears. There will be no problems. 



The thing is, you don't realize it until you're older. It's not the education, the intelligence, the experience, or your youth that gets you through the toughest times of your life. It's wisdom. It's knowing how to apply yourself no matter what comes your way. It's the knowledge you gain from living life as an adult, without having anyone but yourself to depend upon. Your dating or sexual experience or educational credentials isn't going to help you get through watching a loved one die. The number of notches on your belt or bedpost does not equate to knowing what love is; much less will it help you deal with marital issues. The knowledge and experience that you as a young 20-something year old has isn't going to help when you're in your 30s and holding a sick child in your arms; or when your parents become ill; or when you yourself face health problems as an adult.

No one is saying that 20 year olds or young people are dumb. There is a difference between the "experience" you know now and the "experience" that us older ones have from having lived life as an adult. Though sometimes difficult, childhood and teenage years are carefree when compared to adult years. When you're young, you always have someone to fall back on. You know that if you get into trouble or into a bind, that you'll have someone to turn to or to rely on. You don't always have that when you're an adult. As an adult, you take life more seriously. You learn that your actions have consequences; so you try to make the wisest decisions the first time around. 

Even when you get to be in the 40-something crowd, you realise that you still don't know everything; and you sometimes look back and realize how foolish you were thinking you had the world by it's tail when you were young.


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 10, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Someone who's been dating for over 12 years has more experience and has gone through many trial and error situations, whereas a 40 year old still living in his parents basement is liable to come up to a girl and completely scare her since he's not used to the situations with someone more experienced.


You assume two things: 1 - Someone may have had 12 years experience but how many _relationships?_ If you have 20, 2-date situations and 1, 2-year relationship, how in the hell would that stack up against someone who had one relationship for 12 years? What if someone lost his virginity on a lark in his teens, had problems with it, dated regularly for 10 years but for reasons of morality or personal choice, didn't have sex? And why the hell would you assume that someone living in their parent's basement is an introverted dork who doesn't date? A buddy of mine has over $100K in the bank because he lives with his folks as a means to save money to buy a house in the LA area. Do you live with your folks? If not, are you entirely on your own financially at 25?

I've known plenty of career daters who manage to scare the shit out of women smart enough to smell them from 10 feet away. The mating habits of _Homo swaggerus_ are easy to spot with the trained eye.



> I can't say how many times i've seen in chatrooms old men coming off as creepy. Some lines just astound me "I'm 55 years old and lookin for a pig to fatten" does that guy HONESTLY think that's going to work in normal real life situations? Maybe on the internet but certainly not in reality.


Age is no factor in your example. Seen plenty of 20-30 year olds do the same tactic. There are people on here throwing lame come ons all the time around in the hopes that statistics will one day win out when they drop their "you got me gellin' like a felon" line.



> Go ahead, go to the nearest bar, find a fat woman and try that line out out on her. I'll be in the back near the payphone getting ready to call an ambulance after the woman lays him out.


I would say try that or any similar lines out on ANY woman and you'll end up with a 911 call. You proceed from the assumption that only fat girls want to get fatter and that someone would have the moronicity to go to a 'singles' place and try that out. It makes about as much sense for a foot fetishist to scope out a bar, walk up to a lady with strappy heels on and ask if he can suck her toes all night.



> I'm not saying all people over 40 are creepy, but for he most part when I see them hitting on girls my age, it gets a little creepy. For instance one time at a *strip club *I saw this old dude with a Members Only jacket literally rub his hands while walking before saying something to one of the dancers. Her face looked mortified and he followed her across the room before the doorman/bouncer got in his face and told him to leave. Age doesn't always mean experience and maturity.


So girls your age working in a strip club expect Don Fucking Juan? Come on. Strip clubs are not what I would call a normal dating habitat. Age doesn't always mean experience or maturity, I grant you that, but creepiness comes in all shapes, sizes and ages. Maybe Members Only guy had never been to a strip club, maybe he wanted to just ask for a private dance but was too chicken shit. For all you know, he was financing the college educations of half the dancers and was just nervous.



> You want to talk maturity....a 35 year old who's been divorced twice is more likely to break down and cry on a date because something "reminds him of his ex" than a 23 year old who simply blots out bad ex's.


Aah, the hard heart of the 23-year-old emotionless bastard. If only those compassionate ladies could quit you and your sexy stoicism. Why, that 35-year-old may just nip off and kill himself. Suicide's a drag, ya know. Bummer.



> Sure the 35 year old divorcee may have been married for so long, but he was divorced for a reason and if he brings it up with someone new, that's not very mature. Or how about a man who's never been married at all because he's afraid of commitment, is that mature?


Please explain to me your vast experiences in the areas of marriage and/or divorce. A man who divorces often does so for a reason. So do women. A 60%+ divorce rate is a symptom that things are often wrong in 'paradise'. I respect a man who has the balls to not marry in order to just buy into a bourgeouise American fantasy, or he thinks he needs to commit to keep the girl. 



> I'm not trying to say younger people are better than older, but you've blatently tried to prove the opposite. Age doesn't equal experience or maturity automatically.


I was again, not speaking in a general manner, only one particular instance in one thread, in response to one rather heartless comment, which has now obviously gone way off topic. 



Waxwing said:


> And one that was pulled out of someone's ass and had nothing to do with the original thread.


You are correct, and I am guilty of threadjacking. I apologize for that. I need to just use a little common sense that any threads with the word 'gain' in the title are just going to piss me off, because sooner or later, bonehead remarks are going to surface like fart bubbles in a bathtub.

Then again, you proceed from an assumption that we always stay on topic here. If only it were really, really true.


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## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> You are correct, and I am guilty of threadjacking. I apologize for that. I need to just use a little common sense that any threads with the word 'gain' in the title are just going to piss me off, because sooner or later, bonehead remarks are going to surface like fart bubbles in a bathtub.



I didn't mean you specifically, Snacky snack. I do it all the damn time myself, anyway. In fact, I'll probably do it in about 3 more pages!


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## lostjacket (Jul 10, 2008)

It is a cliche...but seriously. (No offense directed at anyone with any actual mental deficiencies)


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## KHayes666 (Jul 10, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Aah, the hard heart of the 23-year-old emotionless bastard. If only those compassionate ladies could quit you and your sexy stoicism. Why, that 35-year-old may just nip off and kill himself. Suicide's a drag, ya know. Bummer.



I consider that a personal attack, calling me an emotionless bastard. What maturity ;-)


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## Wagimawr (Jul 10, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> any threads with the word 'gain' in the title are just going to piss me off


If that is the case, then I would kindly suggest that you

STAY

THE

FUCK

OUT

If you're into it and you're trying to keep the dumbasses out of your fetish, FORGET IT. That'll never happen as long as stupid exists. Ever. There will always be tactless morons who care more about the fulfillment of their fetish than they EVER will about the hearts and minds of the women who fulfill said fetish (note that the previous statement applies to ANYTHING sexual, but I like women getting fatter, so I see it the most in communities where weight gain is a turnon).

if you're not into "weight gain", WHY DO YOU READ THREADS ABOUT IT? If you're trying to learn more about it, great! Welcome! Do keep in mind, though, that there are dumbfucks who just want to get off who get involved in this kinda stuff; don't get too up in arms about it cause you won't change a damn thing.

If you're vehemently opposed to somebody gaining weight for somebody's pleasure, GREAT. Just don't mention it in threads where the topic is regarding somebody's INTEREST.

Please.

I know, I know, discussion board, internet, etc, but really. If you have no reason to read a thread besides "I feel like being outraged " or "I feel like correcting all these nasty feeders", do us all a favor and don't.


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## Blackjack (Jul 10, 2008)

Wagimawr said:


> If that is the case...



...I think I love you.


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## furious styles (Jul 10, 2008)

Wag : I think that was more a case of him slipping his prerogative into a tirade against behavior. I'm affording Snacks the benefit of the doubt that he took offense against Khayes' attitude, not the premise of the weight gain / etc. He might not like it, but that doesn't seem like the reason he's arguing. (correct me if I'm wrong)

[edit] I realize, reading your post again, that you addressed that too. Not sure what I'm trying to prove anymore, haha.


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## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

I just falled over.


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## Wagimawr (Jul 10, 2008)

He did say, too, that the anger was based off of some people being stupid about it, that's what I addressed with my first point - you're not going to fix stupid, some people are going to be chauvinistic pricks no matter how much you have to say to them.

This was more of a general statement.

_I_ think it should be a sticky post.


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## SoVerySoft (Jul 10, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> I consider that a personal attack, calling me an emotionless bastard. What maturity ;-)



It was a personal attack. I'm leaving it - but Admiral - please refrain from name calling and attacks on individuals. Thanks.

SoVerySoft
/mod


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## Wagimawr (Jul 10, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> [edit] I realize, reading your post again, that you addressed that too. Not sure what I'm trying to prove anymore, haha.


That hasn't stopped anybody from sticking around before.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 10, 2008)

SoVerySoft said:


> It was a personal attack. I'm leaving it - but Admiral - please refrain from name calling and attacks on individuals. Thanks.
> 
> SoVerySoft
> /mod



I wanted to take the high road for once, thanks for at least listening.


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## lostjacket (Jul 10, 2008)

lostjacket said:


> It is a cliche...but seriously. (No offense directed at anyone with any actual mental deficiencies)


 
Haha...I did have a disclaimer...Sorry mod.


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 10, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> I consider that a personal attack, calling me an emotionless bastard. What maturity ;-)



When you say something that alludes to the idea that only an old divorcee would cry over a broken marriage and young'ns just "blot it out," you're making yourself sound emotionless. We have too many men these days "blotting out" the emotion with regard to relationships and breaking hearts, and if someone considers it a character or machismo flaw to cry over it, yeah, that's a bastard in my book.

But hey, I retract the bastard comment. Too strong. You'll just be a relationship Vulcan from now on. Let me know how it goes when you finally hit _pon farr_ and some woman breaks your heart into a dozen pieces, Mr. Spock.



Wagimawr said:


> If that is the case, then I would kindly suggest that you
> 
> [BIG "STFU"-Y FONTS]
> 
> if you're not into "weight gain", WHY DO YOU READ THREADS ABOUT IT? If you're trying to learn more about it, great! Welcome! Do keep in mind, though, that there are dumbfucks who just want to get off who get involved in this kinda stuff; don't get too up in arms about it cause you won't change a damn thing.


This thread was originally on a different board, and I was commenting on something unrelated to gaining. When the mods moved the thread, it took on that "WG vs. not" tone.

I have never been opposed to someone gaining weight on their own, naturally or for their own desires. Gaining for someone else (unless it's natural like in pregnancy) is a choice someone makes, and the $64 question is always "how much is too much"? I wouldn't presume to judge someone who wanted to go through that. I can't, I'm not them. However, when issues of health impact, sadistic domination, immobility, depression and suicide enter into it, it's no longer a fetish issue but one of human decency. Too often these topics (and fetishes in general outside of gaining) are always "in for a penny, in for a pound (no pun intended)" and you get people going off asymptotically that throws everything into chaos. One man's simple toe shrimping is another man's incapacitating Chinese foot binding.



> I know, I know, discussion board, internet, etc, but really. If you have no reason to read a thread besides "I feel like being outraged " or "I feel like correcting all these nasty feeders", do us all a favor and don't.


My issues with the initial post of contention had nothing to do with gaining and everything to do with emotional maturity and a tad bit of tact. I am now sorry the argument had to go on like it did. I'll just plant the sign on my lawn and wave my cane menacingly at the skateboarders coasting by.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 11, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> When you say something that alludes to the idea that only an old divorcee would cry over a broken marriage and young'ns just "blot it out," you're making yourself sound emotionless. We have too many men these days "blotting out" the emotion with regard to relationships and breaking hearts, and if someone considers it a character or machismo flaw to cry over it, yeah, that's a bastard in my book.
> 
> But hey, I retract the bastard comment. Too strong. You'll just be a relationship Vulcan from now on. Let me know how it goes when you finally hit _pon farr_ and some woman breaks your heart into a dozen pieces, Mr. Spock.



I can never stay mad at anyone who throws in a pon farr reference. 

Live long and prosper *does the hand thing*


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## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 11, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> ageism, another elephant in the corner of the dimensions living room. another great reason to fight with each other. i love this place more every day.


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


>


If I could guarantee not to break my hip, I would fight you [Ron Burgundy stare].


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## exile in thighville (Jul 12, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> When you say something that alludes to the idea that only an old divorcee would cry over a broken marriage and young'ns just "blot it out," you're making yourself sound emotionless. We have too many men these days "blotting out" the emotion with regard to relationships and breaking hearts, and if someone considers it a character or machismo flaw to cry over it, yeah, that's a bastard in my book.
> 
> But hey, I retract the bastard comment. Too strong. You'll just be a relationship Vulcan from now on. Let me know how it goes when you finally hit _pon farr_ and some woman breaks your heart into a dozen pieces, Mr. Spock.
> 
> ...



ONLY I'M ALLOWED TO FIGHT IN THIS THREAD

/homophobia


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 12, 2008)

Does that mean you decided to like cucumbers, Dan?


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## KHayes666 (Jul 13, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> ONLY I'M ALLOWED TO FIGHT IN THIS THREAD
> 
> /homophobia



Yeahhhhhh.....

http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w226/emorock09/rage.jpg


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## exile in thighville (Jul 13, 2008)

more like my gayge.


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## Tori DeLuca (Jul 13, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> KHayes spoke without thinking. He didn't really say anything wrong. People get depressed, people cut. It's high school. It happens. Shit, I've been there, and I sure as hell don't want to be coddled about it. Khayes obviously felt bad for this girl, but it doesn't mean that a thousand years later he has to walk on fucking eggshells about someone none of us even know.
> 
> *Is it tiresome to anyone else that every thread these days seems to degenerate into a slap fight? *I feel like every thread is a crap-shoot. Will I or won't I have to scroll past 4357834587945 posts of people snarking at each other? Who can tell!




Um...yep.:bow:


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## exile in thighville (Jul 14, 2008)

What Did The Five Fingers Say To The Face?

slap


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## KHayes666 (Jul 15, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> What Did The Five Fingers Say To The Face?
> 
> slap



You want da finger? *flips the bird* Dere's da finger!


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## markymark1992 (Dec 25, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> Bullied? I chimed in to reality-check the henhouse dogging KHayes and kind of slapped him on the wrist as well. The fuck you talkin about? I only spread my nastiness up the assholes of kinkier dims folk, really. Consensual! No homo.
> 
> It wasn't an ageist joke...I love age. It was more of a pointer that age-privileged condescension works best when you don't reduce yourself to our level.
> 
> ...



this topic was interesting to bad it's now people attacking each other, where is the love y'all?


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## Santaclear (Dec 25, 2008)

markymark1992 said:


> this topic was interesting to bad it's now people attacking each other, where is the love y'all?



Good call, Cousin Mark, and a splendid revival of a classic thread, must say. :happy:

This was among Dimensions' 150 all-time best bickering threads. :bow:


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## Wild Zero (Dec 25, 2008)

Retroactively telling everyone in this thread to get bent.

BURRRRRRN


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## succubus_dxb (Dec 25, 2008)

Alright....I haven't had the chance to read all posts on this thread but I can say this:

Women in the modern middle east AREN'T stuck home cooking, cleaning and having babies every other week- it's just not like that anymore 

Sure, there will always be people who are stuck in time- it happens in all cultures.

I was born in Dubai ( UAE) and spent pretty much my entire life there until august 2008. 

Arab men do tend to be attracted to curvier women, in my experience. Thousands of years ago, all cultures found curvy women attractive- it's a sign of fertility. 


Indian women are NOT middle eastern/arab- they are asian. 

Geographically, and for the most part, culturally- Indian people are worlds apart from people in the middle east.


Are americans the same as argentinians?


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## wrestlingguy (Dec 25, 2008)

succubus_dxb said:


> Are americans the same as argentinians?



Only if they are fat.


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## TotallyReal (Dec 25, 2008)

Great thread everyone. Lots of funny responses....love it....Merry X-Mas all.

Im outta here, time to go party

-TR


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## Jon Blaze (Dec 25, 2008)

The only thing I've noticed is that many come out with an hourglass or figure 8 shape. I don't know why, but I don't mind. Lol


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## WALKER44 (Jan 3, 2009)

go to youtube.com type in "fatten women" there was some info on north africa custom of fatting up women before marriage.


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## zosimos (Jan 8, 2009)

I lived in downtown Cairo for a year, and definitely noticed that the married women were almost inevitably fat. They use a lot of something called "samna" in their cooking over there, and I think it's a sort of solid vegetable fat like crisco. Must be super-fattening. Many of the younger girls were on the chubby side too, and I didn't at all get the impression that there was a lot of societal pressure on them to lose weight. Granted, you are most definitely NOT going to see graphic weight-loss advertisements in an islamic country! I might also note that although the local women tended to wear hijab (modest dress) that didn't stop them at all from pulling out all the stops in looking incredibly sexy. Apparently for them, "modest dress" is more about covering up the skin and hair, leaving the field of extreme, hyper-accentuating tightness of clothes wide open. I confess to having relished the observation of vast quantities of superhot arab chub tightly swaddled up in supposedly "modest" dresses. 

A visit to South India proved to be more rewarding from the FA perspective. There no Islamic "morality" served to hide the local preference for seriously voluptuous women, which was wonderfully evident in the posters for Tamil films plastering every surface. The pictures of Tamil film stars in magazines were also pretty hot.

Heres a few I clipped out and glued in my journal.


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## Wild Zero (Jan 8, 2009)

zosimos said:


> I lived in downtown Cairo for a year, and definitely noticed that the married women were almost inevitably fat. They use a lot of something called "samna" in their cooking over there, and I think it's a sort of solid vegetable fat like crisco. Must be super-fattening. Many of the younger girls were on the chubby side too, and I didn't at all get the impression that there was a lot of societal pressure on them to lose weight. Granted, you are most definitely NOT going to see graphic weight-loss advertisements in an islamic country! I might also note that although the local women tended to wear hijab (modest dress) that didn't stop them at all from pulling out all the stops in looking incredibly sexy. Apparently for them, "modest dress" is more about covering up the skin and hair, leaving the field of extreme, hyper-accentuating tightness of clothes wide open. I confess to having relished the observation of vast quantities of superhot arab chub tightly swaddled up in supposedly "modest" dresses.
> 
> A visit to South India proved to be more rewarding from the FA perspective. There no Islamic "morality" served to hide the local preference for seriously voluptuous women, which was wonderfully evident in the posters for Tamil films plastering every surface. The pictures of Tamil film stars in magazines were also pretty hot.
> 
> Heres a few I clipped out and glued in my journal.



And what's the common thread between the two regions? _Samnah_, or _ghee _if you will. Clarified butter for the motherfuckin' win


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## Orso (Jan 11, 2009)

I spent some time in Syria in early Eighties and I saw there a certain amount of of women in various degrees of overweight, but I really cannot tell you if that depended on food, genetics, society or whatever. I had the impression that many of these ladies belonged to one or other Christian minority, though. Anyway Syrian society in those times did not seem to place any stigma on female abundance. 

In Iran, where I spent time in the Seventies and after 2000, it's totally different, almost no BBWs there. Apparently about a century ago plump ladies were much appreciated, but later on tastes changed. For decades most Iranian men never considered an overweight girl and women have been very, very careful of their svelte figures.

I was in Turkey a couple of times as a tourist and there too I saw very few overweight women.

My experience of Egypt is very limited (only once, in early Eighties) but I saw there many fat women, especially in small towns. Again I cannot say anything about BBWs and Egyptian society.

Sudan... no, I wouldn't define Sudan as a Middle Eastern country. Anyway I was there once in my young days and saw really a lot of large or supersize women. A Sudanese acquaintance even suggested me to marry his cousin, a very attractive girl on the border of supersize, but this is another story. It was clear, though, that in the Sudanese society BBWs were totally acceptable, if not preferred.


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## LuvBigBoned (Jan 13, 2009)

Orso said:


> I spent some time in Syria in early Eighties and I saw there a certain amount of of women in various degrees of overweight, but I really cannot tell you if that depended on food, genetics, society or whatever. I had the impression that many of these ladies belonged to one or other Christian minority, though. Anyway Syrian society in those times did not seem to place any stigma on female abundance.
> 
> In Iran, where I spent time in the Seventies and after 2000, it's totally different, almost no BBWs there. Apparently about a century ago plump ladies were much appreciated, but later on tastes changed. For decades most Iranian men never considered an overweight girl and women have been very, very careful of their svelte figures.
> 
> ...



I agree about the Iranian part, at least. I have several female relatives and friends. It would take two or three to add up to one BBW of similar height. That's pre-marriage, post-marriage, post-kids. Beautiful women, but only one or two with anything resembling decent curves. In fact, one husband has even started to complain his wife is too skinny and has all but pleaded with her to put on weight.

On the other hand, my anecdotal experience with women of Lebanese descent is that they bring the bulk.


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