# Fat Admirer 101 At Dimensions University



## tonynyc (Apr 8, 2009)

I don't have a course for FFA yet  - I will add a post for that so we have a dialogue there as well....

-------------------------------------------------------

I'm borrowing the idea of bringing up this subject again thanks to as posting by Phil aka WrestlingGuy from this wonderful thread
 FA Code of Conduct initially started by FA STAN MAN.... 

This thread is also begging for the curriculum to be posted in the meantime...So...

I've taken the liberty to condensed some of the key points below and perhaps some Dimmers (I apologize to those I may have left out) -please chime in with additional and or new pointers.....

*FA Code of Conduct in A Nutshell * 
*(Cliff Notes) *
----------------------------------------------------

1.) Don't dwell on the fat. It's sort of like a guy being obsessed with a girl's boobs, or a girl with a guy's penis. There are other things to appreciate.

2.) Try to avoid things that put the fat person you admire in an awkward or uncomfortable position. Think ahead. For example, avoid places that they don't fit or doing things that they are too heavy for etc. If your significant other is a super sized person, you will probably have to get rid of the Mazda Miata, or Suzuki Samurai.

3.) Don't ask for bra and pantie size.

4.) Always be a gentleman!Nothing turns a lady off more than listening to some moron trying to impress a lady by talking about the size of his or her body parts!At least as opening conversation.You must remember that she is a human being...NOT some side off meat for you to consume.Getting to know what's inside can lead to greater rewards than just acting like a little kid in a candy store!If the lady wants you to get a little more "playful" she'll let you know.

5.) If you just met the person for the 1st time...general discussion about "Penis" size....
not a good plan around women with sharp objects (If someone thinks that they can just get theirs then roll over and take a snooze without pleasing your partner - then you will really have Point # 5 to worry about).

6.) Hold your preference with at least some honor. You don't have to be a open book and yell it to the world, but always tell the truth when asked about the subject. It doesn't matter whether you only speak of it around family and close friends, or if you have a picture of a fat person tattooed on your arm.

7.) If you're an FA and through getting to know a BBW you find out that she really wants to lose weight because she thinks she would be happier DON'T try to talk her out of it. I think its okay to state your preference but trying to talk her out of something she feels she needs really disrespects her knowledge of her self, undermines confidence etc., just for the sake of your own desires. Make sure a BBW wants to be a BBW before getting so close that you, the FA, would be super invested in her staying that way. Relationships should be about helping each person become whoever it is they have been born to be - not about trying to make someone into what you want them to be.

8.) Just because I refer to myself as fat does not mean that I will be amenable to being called piggy, fatty, blubbery, or lardy.

9.) Remember that although the chances of your physical attraction solely being attributed to the added flesh of your partner is high, Fat Admiration is a preference. Realize that your partner is human, and in order for it to be a preference, you must find perks and(or) flaws about your partner that are not directly aligned to their bodyweight. That isn't just personality either. It can be anything: Shared hobbies, shared views on politics and life, shared tastes in things such as music or food, traditions, religion, relationship views, et cetera...

10.) Just as you are human (FA/FFA), your larger partners is as well. They have needs and wants that go a lot farther than being desired only for their physical attributes.

11.) Occasional expressions of love are nice, but they should not be the only thing that one should be concerned with in a relationship. The same goes with conversations: There is more to life than talking about one's favorite part of the female/male anatomy.

12.)Have at least some pride in what you love. 

For example, don't go to events/bashes and score with one BBW and then go back to regular life where you're not really out about it.

13) Actually date the fat girls you like - don't just treat themr as a friend at work and on the phone.

14.) Larger people are known throughout History as being desirable. Keep making this History.

15). Just because you can see it, doesn't mean you can grab it.

16.) Wash your hands (have good hygiene).

(Don't forget your breath mints - "poochy" breath is a no-no unless you are both eating garlic) 

17.) Don't tell a BBW how beautiful/perfect she is and then tag on how she'd look even better if she would only gain 30 pounds or so. 

18.) Make sure establishments ( ie Theaters and especially Restaurants) are Fat Friendly; don't be afraid to request a Table when presented with a Booth.


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## James (Apr 8, 2009)

19. learning to cook is never going to count against you


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## mejix (Apr 8, 2009)

20. be tall, muscular and hung like a horse.




*


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## furious styles (Apr 8, 2009)

21. read threads like this. familiarize yourself with real life. learn from people's experiences and go live for yourself. don't just exist as an FA in an online fantasy world of pictures and stories. there is so much more out there.


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## swamptoad (Apr 8, 2009)

22. I dunno why we keep adding numbers .. but here goes ..... don't be so "touchy" and "feely" about her fat. In other words, try your best to limit how often you do this .. and always do this in the appropriate place and so on. Not every BBW is going to be that confident of their own size and shape. This could be a potential turn off if done WAY TOO MUCH.


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## exile in thighville (Apr 8, 2009)

swamptoad said:


> 22. I dunno why we keep adding numbers .. but here goes ..... don't be so "touchy" and "feely" about her fat. In other words, try your best to limit how often you do this .. and always do this in the appropriate place and so on. Not every BBW is going to be that confident of their own size and shape. This could be a potential turn off if done WAY TOO MUCH.



i think this very much depends on the person.

23. don't be creepy(TM)


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## mergirl (Apr 8, 2009)

mejix said:


> 20. be tall, muscular and hung like a horse.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I know i am!!


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## CCC (Apr 8, 2009)

24. Never lower the standards you hold yourself to because you imagine hers must naturally be lower. Women are women, and they all value things like personal hygiene, on-timeness, and non-physical affection.



mejix said:


> 20. be tall, muscular and hung like a horse.


With that, this list became impossible for me. Despite hours research into the use of medieval torture racks for lengthening purposes, I remain a rather average height. *grumblegrumblesomethingabouttheothertwoalso*


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## D_A_Bunny (Apr 8, 2009)

Non FA here, but in love with and living with one for over 18 yrs.


25. Don't let "guilt" stand in the way of loving your fat partner and enjoying what you have. Really it is OK.

(the guilt of loving a FAT person in the first place, because you enjoy the fat and the world says it is wrong)


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## Paquito (Apr 8, 2009)

26.) Just because your partner is fat, does not mean you should force piles and piles of food on them. If they want a salad, then let them have a salad. If they want to eat the whole buffet, then stand back. But please, no forcefeeding.


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## olwen (Apr 8, 2009)

CCC said:


> *24. Never lower the standards you hold yourself to because you imagine hers must naturally be lower. Women are women, and they all value things like personal hygiene, on-timeness, and non-physical affection.*
> 
> 
> With that, this list became impossible for me. Despite hours research into the use of medieval torture racks for lengthening purposes, I remain a rather average height. *grumblegrumblesomethingabouttheothertwoalso*



This is a good one, and I'd like to add: 
24.1 Don't assume that a fat person will automatically want to be with you - no matter what kind of a person you are - just because you think they're hot or show them some attention. You have to actually be likable, not just available.


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## olwen (Apr 8, 2009)

free2beme04 said:


> 26.) Just because your partner is fat, does not mean you should force piles and piles of food on them. If they want a salad, then let them have a salad. If they want to eat the whole buffet, then stand back. But please, no forcefeeding.



I keep coming up with things to add...

26.1 Dinner alone does not a date make. Watching wide eyed with your mouth half open and drooling while your date eats is likely to end the date right then and there, especially if you never bother to mention you're into feeding and you know she/he probably knows nothing about it at all. They're gonna wonder what's going on with you and be a little creeped out.

So: 

26.2 If feeding is your fetish. Find out how they feel about it *before* you try to engage them in it. It's not fair to the fat person to just spring it on them in the middle of a date. You'll have a lot more fun if they consent beforehand.


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## blackghost75 (Apr 9, 2009)

27. FA's should help each other out and support each other in the time of need.


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## Weeze (Apr 9, 2009)

28. Boys: Learn how to paint toe nails


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## Weirdo890 (Apr 11, 2009)

29. Keep it in your pants until she says it's okay.


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## tonynyc (Apr 11, 2009)

30.) *Sexual Etiquette... Pleasing the woman first,learning how to please and being creative. 
Also everything in this thread * Sexual DealBreakers


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## mel (Apr 13, 2009)

#,,,when together,Don't say "I just want a beautiful BBW".....say " I just want you"


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## Dr. Feelgood (Apr 23, 2009)

32(?) There is a difference between lust and love. The former is the physical attraction you feel; the latter is the emotional/spiritual connection. Ideally you'll feel them both for the same person, but -- since we don't live in an ideal world (have you noticed?) -- it's all right if you don't. Just don't mistake one for the other.


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## stan_der_man (Apr 30, 2009)

33) Learn some basic carpentry / mechanical skills. Make sure all furniture, fixtures and household items are safe and sturdy enough for your large sized loved one.


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## stan_der_man (Apr 30, 2009)

34) If you aren't handy with carpentry or the other skills mentioned above, at least get yourself a tool belt... your partner might find it to be sexy when you are wearing it...


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## swamptoad (May 5, 2009)

35.) If the moment is right and you are hugging and kissing ... don't be a slowpoke. heh.


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## bmann0413 (May 10, 2009)

36. Don't be too nice to them. They will think you are just trying to get in their pants.


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## mergirl (May 10, 2009)

37.Be nice to 'them' even if your NOT trying to get in their pants!


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## Ernest Nagel (May 10, 2009)

38) Even if she needs help shaving her legs, ask first (especially if you're in public!). Just trust me on this one. :blush:

38A) Don't take yourself too seriously. 

38B) Make her laugh.


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## pickleman357 (May 10, 2009)

krismiss said:


> 28. Boys: Learn how to paint toe nails


Yes, especially if she has trouble reaching them 

39) If he/she wants to loose weight, help and encourage him/her with it. Remember that they're the ones that have to carry around every single ounce of that fat for every single activity that they do. If they want less weight pulling them down, then its their choice, not your hormone's!!


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## OneWickedAngel (May 10, 2009)

40. It does not matter how rough 'n' tumble, jeans-sneakers and t-shirt wearing, major sailor blushing swearing some of us may behave around everyone (unless she's total butch) you should find a way to treat us like a lady at a level she's comfortable with. 

Yes, I can open my own car door thank you, but I do expect you to be standing there with your hand out ready to help if needed (especially when wearing a dress).


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## superodalisque (May 16, 2009)

bmann0413 said:


> 36. Don't be too nice to them. They will think you are just trying to get in their pants.



i tried to demerit you for this but they wouldn't let me


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## superodalisque (May 16, 2009)

41. if other big and purdies are around try and keep them in your head. look but don't gawk drool or faint if possible. if not possible don't take her to a BBW event until you can manage it.


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## ladle (May 16, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> 41. if other big and purdies are around try and keep them in your head. look but don't gawk drool or faint if possible. if not possible don't take her to a BBW event until you can manage it.



You can take my life....but you'll never take my right to drool
:smitten:


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## ekmanifest (May 16, 2009)

I'm not understanding this one. Why would you imagine that her standards would naturally be lower???




CCC said:


> 24. Never lower the standards you hold yourself to because you imagine hers must naturally be lower. Women are women, and they all value things like personal hygiene, on-timeness, and non-physical affection.
> 
> 
> With that, this list became impossible for me. Despite hours research into the use of medieval torture racks for lengthening purposes, I remain a rather average height. *grumblegrumblesomethingabouttheothertwoalso*


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## James (May 17, 2009)

42. Don't belittle fellow FAs who are in the process of coming out just too look cool or score 'outness' points with the ladies.


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## ladle (May 17, 2009)

James said:


> 42. Don't belittle fellow FAs who are in the process of coming out just too look cool or score 'outness' points with the ladies.



Agreed..that is a great one!
Back that 100%


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## wrestlingguy (May 17, 2009)

1. When attending a BBW bash or dance, please decide to participate before you get there. Walking around staring & gawking at bellies, butts, and boobs while you're drooling scares the girlies, and makes it harder for the good guys.

2. Don't take a picture of someone unless you know them, or can run faster than them (or me, if I'm there).

3. Dancing with said girlies would be nice, as long as your don't cover them in drool.

4. Don't attend a private party that you're not invited to. Work on becoming more social. It's not a hard group of people to become part of, and you'll get invited to parties in the future.

5. Just because you buy girlies food or drinks doesn't ensure you will get laid.
In fact, assuming that could get you hurt.

6. If chatting with a girl prior to an event/dance, please don't "throw up" on them sexually, then use the excuse that you were drunk, and not realize you said those things. Fat girls are smarter than skinny girls (a scientific fact).

7. Don't just run to the webmodels for attention at these events. All women are beautiful, don't ignore the ones who choose not to have paysites.

8. Please don't hit and run. I see lots of guys checking out of the hotels prior to 7 am, and wonder why, and what the person still in the room will think when she wakes up.

9. If you come to an event with a girl, try to leave with the same girl. I know it's like a candy store, but it's the right thing to do. Also, don't stage a fight just so you have an excuse to leave with someone else.

10. Be honest. Honest is sexy. Ask the girls.


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## OneWickedAngel (May 17, 2009)

^^^ *YES! ALL OF THAT! YES!
We women <3 Phil! *


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## superodalisque (May 17, 2009)

ladle said:


> You can take my life....but you'll never take my right to drool
> :smitten:



don't forget your bib


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## tonynyc (May 18, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> 1. When attending a BBW bash or dance, please decide to participate before you get there. Walking around staring & gawking at bellies, butts, and boobs while you're drooling scares the girlies, and makes it harder for the good guys.
> 
> 2. Don't take a picture of someone unless you know them, or can run faster than them (or me, if I'm there).
> 
> ...



*
Phil: 
Wow- great points- this brings our course to the Doctoral Level for sure
I guess we can list Event Conduct as Point # 43. 
* :bow: :bow: :bow:

-------------------------------------







*And if you can't control your drooling - having a good "Poker face" doesn't hurt *


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## tonynyc (May 18, 2009)

44. Avoid the "Hyde Park" scenario no discussion of 'Politics' or 'Religion' at least on a 1st date - wait till later.


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## Slamaga (May 18, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> 44. Avoid the "Hyde Park" scenario no discussion of 'Politics' or 'Religion' at least on a 1st date - wait till later.



I'm not familiar with the hyde park thing what is it?

And to put something in the book, I'll put the number 45.

45. Be conscious about what you want about girls (the meaning is large: personality, hobbies, location, friends of her, the purpose of the relation etc.) because it affects the way you comport yourself with girls. Not respecting this point could lead to lapsus, moment when you do an unexplicated comportment (drooling...etc.) which is generally unconscious and not pleasant for the people around you, not just the girls.


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## superodalisque (May 18, 2009)

Slamaga said:


> I'm not familiar with the hyde park thing what is it?
> 
> And to put something in the book, I'll put the number 45.
> 
> 45. Be conscious about what you want about girls (the meaning is large: personality, hobbies, location, friends of her, the purpose of the relation etc.) because it affects the way you comport yourself with girls. Not respecting this point could lead to lapsus, moment when you do an unexplicated comportment (drooling...etc.) which is generally unconscious and not pleasant for the people around you, not just the girls.



hey! nice to see a guy who can write in Austenese! lol


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## Slamaga (May 18, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> hey! nice to see a guy who can write in Austenese! lol



in Austenese??? what is it


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## superodalisque (May 18, 2009)

Slamaga said:


> in Austenese??? what is it



Jane Austen-ese  guess not *sigh of disapointment* see the movie " the Jane Austen Book Club" for further reference

tip: anything Austen related is a shoe in with soft romantic and literate BBWs


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## Slamaga (May 18, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> Jane Austen-ese  guess not *sigh of disapointment* see the movie " the Jane Austen Book Club" for further reference
> 
> tip: anything Austen related is a shoe in with soft romantic and literate BBWs



I guess it was a compliment . I'm not forgetting the prupose of this thread so I put another advice, a funny one I guess:

46. If a relationship began with beer, goes on with a lot of shakes and tensions, it will inevitably go in the toilet as a disgust of what you liked before.


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## katherine22 (May 19, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *
> Phil:
> Wow- great points- this brings our course to the Doctoral Level for sure
> I guess we can list Event Conduct as Point # 43.
> ...



Yes fat girls are smarter than skinny girls - we were home reading Sartre when no one would ask us out on dates since we were too fat. Fat women cultivate qualities such as wit and non-literal imaginations since in the larger world we are not getting by on looks.


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## Ernest Nagel (May 19, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> Yes fat girls are smarter than skinny girls - we were home reading Sartre when no one would ask us out on dates since we were too fat. Fat women cultivate qualities such as wit and non-literal imaginations since in the larger world *we are not getting by on looks.*



Perhaps you simply understand better that looks alone will only get you so far and even then mostly with rather superficial sorts? I think most women and certainly most BBW _could_ get by on looks alone if they chose to. Knowing that and electing not to holds a special allure for many of us though. Thanks to all of you who opt not to "coast" on looks alone. It's very helpful for those of us attempting to transcend our baser natures. :bow: Apologies that said attempt isn't always more readily evident. :blush:


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## superodalisque (May 19, 2009)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Perhaps you simply understand better that looks alone will only get you so far and even then mostly with rather superficial sorts? I think most women and certainly most BBW _could_ get by on looks alone if they chose to. Knowing that and electing not to holds a special allure for many of us though. Thanks to all of you who opt not to "coast" on looks alone. It's very helpful for those of us attempting to transcend our baser natures. :bow: Apologies that said attempt isn't always more readily evident. :blush:



i agree that substance trumps looks anytime. but i have to admit i admire women who also feel free to use thier looks if they want to. you have to be careful that people feel they have the choice. sometimes BBWs don't use thier looks because they were too young and inexperienced to feel they had any amunition at the time. as long as its a choice its fine but often it hasn't been. besides? whats wrong with an occasssional BBW femme fatale?  if she is that she should be able to feel that and be that. its not up to women to help men control themselves. men should be self disciplined when it comes to treating women with respect. here is a tree in the forest question for you: is a man really behaving if you have to hold a gun on him to do so?


45. be self policing


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## Ernest Nagel (May 19, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i agree that substance trumps looks anytime. but i have to admit i admire women who also feel free to use thier looks if they want to. you have to be careful that people feel they have the choice. sometimes BBWs don't use thier looks because they were too young and inexperienced to feel they had any amunition at the time. as long as its a choice its fine but often it hasn't been. besides? whats wrong with an occasssional BBW femme fatale?  if she is that she should be able to feel that and be that. its not up to women to help men control themselves. men should be self disciplined when it comes to treating women with respect. here is a tree in the forest question for you: is a man really behaving if you have to hold a gun on him to do so?
> 
> 
> 45. be self policing



Well, I certainly didn't mean to imply that anyone isn't perfectly entitled to flaunt what they've got. Beauty is very uplifting (npi) but it's a shame when it obscures other attributes. I agree that men have full responsibility for their actions and interests but as the prayer says "lead us not into temptation". Hormones are not by nature "self-policing"; quite the opposite and most women understand that all too well. Not trying to hide behind biology. Free will and intelligence would always trump animal instincts _in an ideal world_. Unfortunately most of us were born on earth and still live here. 

Yes, we should absolutely look beyond (not to say past) appearances but some women rely a bit too much on just beauty. That's an inherently human thing of course; we play to our strengths, we do what works or seems to. Not everyone is a complete package. Some blondes _are_ dumb. Men can take some of the blame for the fact that women can get by on looks alone (much better than men anyway). Women have to accept accountability for how they're valued though. Attractiveness can be either an asset or a liability according to how it's managed. Maybe we could just augment 45 above with "don't judge a book _solely_ by its cover"?


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## big_gurl_lvr (May 19, 2009)

46. Buy flowers especially without occassion and just because - don't need to be fancy or expensive - if you can just pick them up. I know - old fashioned but works great


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## Slamaga (May 19, 2009)

There is two 45 and two 46:doh:


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## Tad (May 20, 2009)

Slamaga said:


> There is two 45 and two 46:doh:



45.5 Don't get too worried about numbers 

Mostly I'm teasing, but it is one of those things FAs do often take too far in a different context.


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## Tau (May 20, 2009)

CCC said:


> 24. Never lower the standards you hold yourself to because you imagine hers must naturally be lower. Women are women, and they all value things like personal hygiene, on-timeness, and non-physical affection.



*Wild applause*


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## mergirl (May 20, 2009)

48? There is nothing worse than a F.A.W.D! (Fa when drunk). If the only way you can get up the courage to be yourself is by getting drunk only to never see the person you have been luvin once you sober up you are a disgrace to humanity!


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## Slamaga (May 20, 2009)

edx said:


> 45.5 Don't get too worried about numbers
> 
> Mostly I'm teasing, but it is one of those things FAs do often take too far in a different context.



wow! I'm voiceless in front of this, I didn't see it happened . 
I'm glad about this thread because I'm learning even if I thought I had some base in the way to be a gentleman. So here is the number 49 (sorry I like to be exact in what I'm saying ):

49. Don't be ashamed to be given sometimes a lesson about the way you act. Takning the advice means that you respect what the other person is saying and it means that she feels valuable for you, or more that before.


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## Slamaga (May 20, 2009)

I thought for something for the 50th advice (yay i'm doing the 50th ),
but it is more in the form of a question to be answered. 
I've seen much commentaries related to pics thread almost, cruch confessions and so on that are like "you're cute", "oh! I would like to be with you now, you're so amazing" and some I wonder about like "I would like to be your puppie" or "I so want to jump in the bed with you!". I do go see in a lot of thread to have these quotes (anonym). There is so much or these kind of comments that I am asking myself this question:

50*-When you do a comment to people, be sure of what you are really saying. But how to know surely what we are truly saying as a comment and what would be the consequences of this comment?

An exemple for those who would not understand my vague explanation: If I'm saying to a girl I want to be friendly with, that she's cute after she made me look to her dress and that I am adding to what I said, it puts in worth all the great curves she has (I'm doing a common exemple an FA/SA could live). For her perception, am I teasing her? am I doing a too much direct comment? am I just a jerk who only think about physical attraction? or am I making her feel confident? shy? she's liking me?

I know I'm going deep in social psychology but I want to put this interesting point.


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## Ernest Nagel (May 20, 2009)

Slamaga said:


> I thought for something for the 50th advice (yay i'm doing the 50th ),
> but it is more in the form of a question to be answered.
> I've seen much commentaries related to pics thread almost, cruch confessions and so on that are like "you're cute", "oh! I would like to be with you now, you're so amazing" and some I wonder about like "I would like to be your puppie" or "I so want to jump in the bed with you!". I do go see in a lot of thread to have these quotes (anonym). There is so much or these kind of comments that I am asking myself this question:
> 
> ...



Anything we say is always open to interpretation. Maybe a better question is to ask yourself where you're coming from? What are you trying to communicate? Women are much more aware of non-verbal cues (eye contact, body language, etc.) I think the problem for most of us isn't being misunderstood so much as being understood entirely too well? If you sincerely want to get to know someone better that will be clear with or without the right words. If you just want to get to know her in the "biblical" sense that will be evident too. JMO. :bow:


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## Slamaga (May 20, 2009)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Anything we say is always open to interpretation. Maybe a better question is to ask yourself where you're coming from? What are you trying to communicate? Women are much more aware of non-verbal cues (eye contact, body language, etc.) I think the problem for most of us isn't being misunderstood so much as being understood entirely too well? If you sincerely want to get to know someone better that will be clear with or without the right words. If you just want to get to know her in the "biblical" sense that will be evident too. JMO. :bow:



You have an intersting point, body language has a great part in the processus of interpretation. I think this is something to care about.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 25, 2009)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Anything we say is always open to interpretation. Maybe a better question is to ask yourself where you're coming from? What are you trying to communicate? Women are much more aware of non-verbal cues (eye contact, body language, etc.) I think the problem for most of us isn't being misunderstood so much as being understood entirely too well? If you sincerely want to get to know someone better that will be clear with or without the right words. If you just want to get to know her in the "biblical" sense that will be evident too. JMO. :bow:



Very astute Ernest :bow:

A compliment is just a compliment. I don't assume that someone wants to marry me...or even date me...because they gave me a compliment. Those words are "gifts" meant to make a person feel good about themselves. Something they can carry with them and remember later.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 25, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> 1.) *Don't dwell on *the fat. It's sort of like a guy being obsessed with a girl's boobs, or a girl with *a guy's penis*. There are other things to appreciate.



Was that meant for me? :blush: 


tonynyc said:


> 3.) Don't ask for bra and pantie size.



Or any size.........



tonynyc said:


> 4.) Getting to know what's inside can lead to greater rewards than just *acting like a little kid in a candy store!* If the lady wants you to get a little more "playful" she'll let you know.



When a man acts like a child, I want to correct him...hell some even need punished  



tonynyc said:


> 5.) If you just met the person for the 1st time...general discussion about "Penis" size....



Oh he can discuss his penis with me all he wants...........it won't get him laid though. Actually, it will put up my guard and I will write him off....in a friendly way that he doesn't see coming though  



tonynyc said:


> 8.) Just because I refer to myself as fat does not mean that I will be amenable to being called piggy, fatty, blubbery, or lardy.



This coming from a man that claims to like fat women is even worse than it is coming from some jerk that claims to hate fat women. 




tonynyc said:


> 10.) Just as you are human (FA/FFA), your larger partners is as well. They have needs and wants that go a lot farther than being desired only for their physical attributes.



We are just like any other women......and any other human beings. 




tonynyc said:


> 17.) Don't tell a BBW how beautiful/perfect she is and then tag on how she'd look even better if she would only gain 30 pounds or so.



Men that do this need to be stabbed in the eye as far as I am concerned. Don't be an ass......

****************************



mejix said:


> 20. be tall, muscular and hung like a horse.





James said:


> 19. learning to cook is never going to count against you





fa_man_stan said:


> 33) Learn some basic carpentry / mechanical skills. Make sure all furniture, fixtures and household items are safe and sturdy enough for your large sized loved one.





fa_man_stan said:


> 34) If you aren't handy with carpentry or the other skills mentioned above, at least get yourself a tool belt... your partner might find it to be sexy when you are wearing it...






mel said:


> #,,,when together,Don't say "I just want a beautiful BBW".....say " I just want you"





mergirl said:


> 37.Be nice to 'them' even if your NOT trying to get in their pants!





Ernest Nagel said:


> 38A) Don't take yourself too seriously.
> 
> 38B) Make her laugh.





big_gurl_lvr said:


> 46. Buy flowers especially without occassion and just because - don't need to be fancy or expensive - if you can just pick them up. I know - old fashioned but works great





OneWickedAngel said:


> 40. It does not matter how rough 'n' tumble, jeans-sneakers and t-shirt wearing, major sailor blushing swearing some of us may behave around everyone (unless she's total butch) you should find a way to treat us like a lady at a level she's comfortable with.
> 
> Yes, I can open my own car door thank you, but I do expect you to be standing there with your hand out ready to help if needed (especially when wearing a dress).





superodalisque said:


> 41. if other big and purdies are around try and keep them in your head. look but don't gawk drool or faint if possible. if not possible don't take her to a BBW event until you can manage it.






wrestlingguy said:


> 1. When attending a BBW bash or dance, please decide to participate before you get there. Walking around staring & gawking at bellies, butts, and boobs while you're drooling scares the girlies, and makes it harder for the good guys.
> 
> 5. Just because you buy girlies food or drinks doesn't ensure you will get laid.
> In fact, assuming that could get you hurt.
> ...



All of these are the gospel truth......




Ernest Nagel said:


> Perhaps you simply understand better that looks alone will only get you so far and even then mostly with rather superficial sorts? I think most women and certainly most BBW _could_ get by on looks alone if they chose to. Knowing that and electing not to holds a special allure for many of us though. Thanks to all of you who opt not to "coast" on looks alone. It's very helpful for those of us attempting to transcend our baser natures. Apologies that said attempt isn't always more readily evident.



I think more intelligent people understand the true value of looks.....it's good for getting attention.....but not for keeping it. 

Some people seem to think that if a woman is pretty, then she will immediately find love forever...or a "prince"....just like the fairy tales. 

It's bullshit......people fall in love with the essence, beliefs and personality of another person....not how they look. 

I NEVER trust....or even like a guy that cannot talk about anything other than how I look. It becomes really obvious really quick that it's his dick talking....and that nothing I can do or say will engage his mind. 




wrestlingguy said:


> 2. Don't take a picture of someone unless you know them, or can run faster than them (or me, if I'm there).



They can take my picture if they want it.....but they shouldn't get pissy if I want something back for it  





ekmanifest said:


> I'm not understanding this one. Why would you imagine that her standards would naturally be lower???



Lol, my thoughts exactly.


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## olwen (Jun 3, 2009)

51. (another dinner one) If you're having dinner and your fat date doesn't eat much, don't assume it's cause she/he is trying to not look like a glutton in public or because they're embarassed or ashamed in any way. It could just be because they are terribly nervous. Well, it happens to me anyway. I could be starving, but I just can't eat or drink much of anything when I'm really nervous, and I'm too nervous to say I'm nervous. I always worry that the person I'm having dinner with might think the reason is always something worse than nerves. Just thought I'd throw that out there.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 3, 2009)

olwen said:


> 51. (another dinner one) If you're having dinner and your fat date doesn't eat much, don't assume it's cause she/he is trying to not look like a glutton in public or because they're embarassed or ashamed in any way. It could just be because they are terribly nervous. Well, it happens to me anyway. I could be starving, but I just can't eat or drink much of anything when I'm really nervous, and I'm too nervous to say I'm nervous. I always worry that the person I'm having dinner with might think the reason is always something worse than nerves. Just thought I'd throw that out there.



Yes. When I'm NOT compulsively overeating (and that is a VERY good thing when it happens), I cannot eat as much. I simply eat my fill and move on. It's important to me....very much so....to be able to stop when I am full and eat when I am hungry. If I think you are one of those people that label and judge me as being "gluttonous", as in you expected to watch me eat three plates, I'm not going to like you very much. Best way I can put it. 
I went to dinner with some Dimmers back last January......the ones sitting by me couldn't eat their whole dinners either......and no one was trying to impress anyone.


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## olwen (Jun 3, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Yes. When I'm NOT compulsively overeating (and that is a VERY good thing when it happens), I cannot eat as much. I simply eat my fill and move on. It's important to me....very much so....to be able to stop when I am full and eat when I am hungry. If I think you are one of those people that label and judge me as being "gluttonous", as in you expected to watch me eat three plates, I'm not going to like you very much. Best way I can put it.
> I went to dinner with some Dimmers back last January......the ones sitting by me couldn't eat their whole dinners either......and no one was trying to impress anyone.



Hey yeah. That's a good point too. Sometimes we don't eat everything in front of us. Who knew.


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## Teresa (Jun 11, 2009)

olwen said:


> 51. (another dinner one) If you're having dinner and your fat date doesn't eat much, don't assume it's cause she/he is trying to not look like a glutton in public or because they're embarassed or ashamed in any way. It could just be because they are terribly nervous. Well, it happens to me anyway. I could be starving, but I just can't eat or drink much of anything when I'm really nervous, and I'm too nervous to say I'm nervous. I always worry that the person I'm having dinner with might think the reason is always something worse than nerves. Just thought I'd throw that out there.



This is so me! When I'm nervous it's like trying to push bricks down my throat to eat.... just can't do it. I usually end up feeling guilty for the money he spent on my meal, so when I'm nervous to begin with I try and order the least amount I can. 

I soooooooo envy people who are confident enough not to be nervous in social situations. 

Teresa


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## olwen (Jun 12, 2009)

Teresa said:


> This is so me! When I'm nervous it's like trying to push bricks down my throat to eat.... just can't do it. I usually end up feeling guilty for the money he spent on my meal, so when I'm nervous to begin with I try and order the least amount I can.
> 
> I soooooooo envy people who are confident enough not to be nervous in social situations.
> 
> Teresa



I'm usually not nervous at all in social situations where groups are involved, but one on one during the first few dates with a person I really really like, forget about it. I can talk, probably too much, LOL, but the kind of nervous I get is the kind where I don't know what to do with my hands or how to stand, or how to sit, and I get fidgety. Bad. So if the person I'm with isn't as nervous as I am, and he can somehow find a way to create a relaxed atmosphere in public, then that helps.


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## Fatgirlfan (Jun 17, 2009)

Don't go on about her size/weight and how it compares to past girlfriends.


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## wrestlingguy (Jun 17, 2009)

I know I didn't say this in my original bash etiquette post, but sitting & observing at our events, I noticed the guys that have the kid in a candy store look. Usually they're with another girl, and their eyes wander, and wander, and wander. 

Don't be surprised if you get popped in your noggin if you get caught.

Yeah, there are lots of pretty ladies at these events, but if you already have one, can ya give her your undivided attention?

Thanks. That is all.


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## bmann0413 (Jun 17, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> I know I didn't say this in my original bash etiquette post, but sitting & observing at our events, I noticed the guys that have the kid in a candy store look. Usually they're with another girl, and their eyes wander, and wander, and wander.
> 
> Don't be surprised if you get popped in your noggin if you get caught.
> 
> ...



Ah, that's a BIG no-no. Nice one, Phil. :bow:


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## gypsy (Jun 17, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> I know I didn't say this in my original bash etiquette post, but sitting & observing at our events, I noticed the guys that have the kid in a candy store look. Usually they're with another girl, and their eyes wander, and wander, and wander.
> 
> Don't be surprised if you get popped in your noggin if you get caught.
> 
> ...



A-Freakin-Men, Phil.


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## mel (Jul 4, 2009)

Don't say.."You are the most beautiful women I have ever know" and in the next breath say " show me a picture of XXXX and her belly,thighs,etc".


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## olwen (Jul 4, 2009)

This has been mentioned before I think, but it bears repeating: 

When chatting, *do not* open the conversation with: 

a) how much do you weigh? 
b) what's your bra size? 

To me those questions are only appropriate after a bit of chit chat about other stuff first. 

If you are only interested in casual sex say so up front so neither one of you wastes the other one's time thinking you both want the same thing when you don't. If she makes it clear she's not interested in casual sex and you are, don't argue or resort to fat jokes or name calling. Just bow out gracefully.


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## CamileL (Jul 4, 2009)

big_gurl_lvr said:


> 46. Buy flowers especially without occassion and just because - don't need to be fancy or expensive - if you can just pick them up. I know - old fashioned but works great



Amendment to this one:

Don't assume that "romance" means "flowers and chocolates" because she's a woman. Take the time to find out what her definition of "romantic" is. It tells her that you're interested in her likes and dislikes.


For example: My boyfriend and I went kayaking for our second anniversary. Afterwards, we went for a walk around the park, and ended the day with dinner at Olive Garden. A lot of people said "that's not romantic". Response: "we had fun together and that's what counts."


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## joswitch (Jul 5, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> I don't have a course for FFA yet  - I will add a post for that so we have a dialogue there as well....
> 
> -------------------------------------------------------
> ......
> ...



unless you're buying a present for your lover



> 7.) If you're an FA and through getting to know a BBW you find out that she really wants to lose weight because she thinks she would be happier DON'T try to talk her out of it.


I must *strongly disagree* with this... I'll assume by "getting to know" you mean dating... I'll also assume that by lose weight you mean a significant amount here not 10lbs so clothes fit again, but say - 10 - 20% or more of body weight....



> I think its okay to state your preference but trying to talk her out of something she feels she needs really disrespects her knowledge of her self, undermines confidence etc., just for the sake of your own desires.



First:
Certainly you should let your lover know your preference (or if it's stronger than that, your orientation) as an FA, if the two of you are lovers your S.O. would probably want to know if significant weightloss is going to screw up your shared sex life... what your lover chooses to do with that knowledge isn't up to you... you MAY get dumped... and that's fair enough...
But if for instance - I had decided to get a particular tattoo, or grow/cut my hair, or give up / start pumping more iron and the woman I loved said "don't do that I find you hot the way you are!" etc. that I'd at least THINK about it before going ahead, if not change course!

Second:
There are far more reasons than FA desires against weightloss...
Bear in mind that as an FA putting these arguments forward will be met with your lover by some cynicism, but thems the breaks... Also you wil be likely met with some incredulity, because your lover will have been bombarded with fat-hatred, weightloss messages from media, medics, random public, friends, family their WHOLE LIFE...
This will probably have been the first (or one of only few) time(s) they have ever heard from anyone ever that:
- they are gorgeous and loved exactly as they are
- they have every right to be treated with respect just like all other humans, they do NOT have to "earn it" by being "good"/through weight loss
- that 95% of diets FAIL in the professed objective of sustainable weightloss
- that starvation (that's what dieting IS) is BAD for health, to the point it can be equated to self-harm
- that "successful" weightloss of 20% or greater body mass will lower their life expectancy
- that overweight people live longest
- that the "dangers" of obesity are exaggerated
- that fat is NOT a measure of health
- that health as measured directly can be better achieved through a HAES approach which will probably not lead to any weight loss
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60961
- that activity and good self-esteem are positive influences on health, without weight loss
- that big people can exercise safely and well to build strength and enhance their mobility (using swimming, aqua, weights) without needing to lose weight
- that a vast multi-million dollar diet industry is sustained by keeping them miserable
- that weightloss organisations employ cult-type methods (see Kate Harding's Shapely prose among others... I'll do refs later)
- that you are 4 times more likely to die from weight loss surgery than a heart bypass
- that life threatening malnutrition such as beri-beri is so common after WLS that doctors call it "bariatric beri-beri"


FAs SHOULD be advocating this stuff! Yes, not in a browbeating, lecturing or manipulating way... but in a "here's the facts that have been hidden from you way".... and yes if your lover still decides to go ahead, you must respect that decision...

And certainly if you try to talk your lover out of anything you are likely to be accused of "disrespecting their knowledge" but if you can manage a calm disscussion I don't think you should let this put you off at all...




> Make sure a BBW wants to be a BBW before getting so close that you, the FA, would be super invested in her staying that way.



Mate, if you have found some kind of "future predicting machine" do share with the rest of us!  Love = risk of broken heart. always.



> Relationships should be about helping each person become whoever it is they have been born to be - not about trying to make someone into what you want them to be.



Hmmm... I disagree with the first part - relationships are about being with someone you love and enjoying the time you share together....
I agree with the last part, but what if you want them exactly as you find them? and internalised self-hatred is pushing them to harm themselves by driving them to try and be something they're not? Surely you owe it to your lover to at least talk to them about it?

this is such a big issue I'm going to pull the bones of this post out and start a new thread sometime soon - it's very late here now...


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## joswitch (Jul 5, 2009)

pickleman357 said:


> 39) If he/she wants to loose weight, help and encourage him/her with it.


I strongly disagree - reasons in my post above



> Remember that they're the ones that have to carry around every single ounce of that fat for every single activity that they do. If they want less weight pulling them down, then its their choice, not your hormone's!!



It is of course true that it is their choice - it does not follow from that you should encourage weightloss though...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 11, 2009)

49. If you're one of those guys that feel she must always be fat to keep your interest, then let her know that upfront instead of pretending you like her for what's inside, no matter what.


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## joswitch (Jul 13, 2009)

wrestlingguy said:


> I know I didn't say this in my original bash etiquette post, but sitting & observing at our events, I noticed the guys that have the kid in a candy store look. Usually they're with another girl, and their eyes wander, and wander, and wander.
> 
> Don't be surprised if you get popped in your noggin if you get caught.



???WTF???
Who is "popping" who "in the noggin"?
I'm assuming you're referring to an FA being hit by their lover?

If your lover hits you - leave them.
Never mind if they try to sanitise it by calling it a "pop in the noggin" 
Never mind that you were looking at or talking to whoever...
Hitting = not ok.
Doesn't matter what sex or orientation you are.


Now that might seem wildly obvious, but most of this thread seems to be dealing with things that I would have thought come under the heading of *basic social skills / manners*... 

There are a handful of notable exceptions, though e.g. I liked the carpentry thing ?Stan the Man? posted... I build my own furniture and I build it to BBW spec. whenever possible - no embarrasing broken bed moments for me and my lover at my place! 



> Yeah, there are lots of pretty ladies at these events, but if you already have one, can ya give her your undivided attention?
> 
> Thanks. That is all.



Because obsessively staring at your lover for the entire evening and ignoring absolutely everything around you is of course, not in any way creepy!
/sarcasm


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## joswitch (Jul 13, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> 49. If you're one of those guys that feel she must always be fat to keep your interest, then let her know that upfront instead of pretending you like her for what's inside, no matter what.



Lol! this is the second or third 49, I think! It's like the rules of Fight Club! 

Apart from "interest" where I'd substitute "sexual attraction" - because it is entirely possible to be "interested" in i.e. love and care about/for someone and yet not lust after them, (and many/most adults require *both* in a relationship with a lover)... Then yep, I agree with this... 

It can be awkward to have to 'fess up to, but goddess help me, despite all the crap it's brought down on me in the past I'm still all for honesty! - Despite the *suckage* that - unlike those who do have "mainstream" desires, I cannot enter a relationship with someone with the cosy little assumption that "normals" have i.e. that the person they are falling for is not likely to DELIBERATELY set out to bodily modify themselves to an extreme extent!

Addendum to this:
If you are an FA in orientation rather than just preference -
*DO NOT *expect that being honest, open and upfront about it will:
- stop the two of you from getting involved and falling in love 
- sway your lover from deliberately losing loads of weight
- make you feel any less terrible as they lose weight
- make you feel like any less of a sh*t about having to break up with them, when your internal conflict becomes unbearable 

and if you do find yourself in this situation (which as you can tell, I have)
be gentle with each other, and try not to be too hard on yourself when you run up against the limits of your capacity to deal with the worry / loneliness / sense of being the "bad" person / sense of impending doom / limits of your sexual response ...
It's just hard luck that your sexuality didn't run with the mainstream paradigm...

You're not "wrong" or "bad" for being who you are...
You just "are"

Good luck out there.


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## Jon Blaze (Jul 19, 2009)

mel said:


> Don't say.."You are the most beautiful women I have ever know" and in the next breath say " show me a picture of XXXX and her belly,thighs,etc".



BAM! That should be a law damnit!


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## KHayes666 (Jul 21, 2009)

*throws paper airplane at Jon and shoots rubber band at Tony*

I was never much of a student anyway......;-)


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## tonynyc (Jul 22, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> *throws paper airplane at Jon and shoots rubber band at Tony*
> 
> I was never much of a student anyway......;-)



*That "two demerits" for you Mister- you wouldn't want a third*


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## KHayes666 (Jul 22, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *That "two demerits" for you Mister- you wouldn't want a third*



heh *straightens my leather jacket and hops out of my seat*

Well....if there's anything I can contribute it would be from my date last night.

This was my second date with this girl and our first sleepover, and if you REALLY want to impress a girl, not just big or small but in general, is always keep your apartment clean.

Especially if your bed is too small and need to use a spare mattress on the ground :doh:

Seriously though, the best lesson in life is to always be yourself no matter how quirky or how annoying you are, because that's who you are. Yes, you can moderate yourself to be appropriate for certain situations but in general you should be true to yourself.

Because anyone you really like is going to see you on an offday or when you're not on your A game. When its 5 AM and your hair is a mess and you haven't brushed your teeth yet, keep in mind the person next to you is in the exact same position. No one is perfect, however finding someone that's ok with your quirks and doesn't mind when you're not always looking good....is the key to happiness.

*pulls out switchblade, flicks it and combs my hair back*

Class dismissed


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## JaytheFA (Aug 7, 2009)

furious styles said:


> 21. read threads like this. familiarize yourself with real life. learn from people's experiences and go live for yourself. don't just exist as an FA in an online fantasy world of pictures and stories. there is so much more out there.



50. Travel to BBW BASHES!


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## tonynyc (Aug 7, 2009)

JaytheFA said:


> 50. Travel to BBW BASHES!



Yes a definite must....


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## tonynyc (Aug 8, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> Yes a definite must....



And before Attending Any Bash. This  Thread  is a definite must read.


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## mergirl (Aug 9, 2009)

JaytheFA said:


> 50. Travel to BBW BASHES!


Really?? Is this really necessary? See, i find most gay bars a bore and have never been to a bbw bash (i'm not sure they would be my scene) but i date a bbw and think i'm as good an Fa as any. (i suspect even better than some, but i'm arogant that way )


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## bmann0413 (Aug 12, 2009)

How about this one?

51. If someone decides to make fun of a big girl and you see it happening, get in there and defend her! She'll think it's nice that someone really DOES care.

That'll work, right?


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## KHayes666 (Aug 12, 2009)

bmann0413 said:


> How about this one?
> 
> 51. If someone decides to make fun of a big girl and you see it happening, get in there and defend her! She'll think it's nice that someone really DOES care.
> 
> That'll work, right?



Not always

I did that once and I got "I can fuckin handle myself thank you very much"


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## OneWickedAngel (Aug 12, 2009)

bmann0413 said:


> How about this one?
> 
> 51. If someone decides to make fun of a big girl and you see it happening, get in there and defend her! She'll think it's nice that someone really DOES care.
> 
> That'll work, right?





KHayes666 said:


> Not always
> 
> I did that once and I got "I can fuckin handle myself thank you very much"



*It depends on what is meant by "work" doesn't it? Most women can sense if "the rescue" is just a step in a person's agenda to their own means. Someone rescuing me from some other person's attempt to get under my corset will backfire greatly, when I can tell that getting under my corset is exactly what the rescuer is hoping to do. 

A gentleman is a gentleman. If you do so because you mean what you say, fine. Granted, sometimes the "damsel" will misread the attempt and lash out. Especially, if there has been a string of unwanted attention. It's not fair to the rescuer, but in her mind it may have been seen as "Oh fuck, not another one!" and she reacted. Sometimes the damsel really does have it well in hand, but a nicer way of saying so is always preferred. "I had it under control, but thanks for your help." And I will admit it; sometimes a bitch is just a bitch. Hopefully, a mishandled incident will not deter you from future rescues if deemed needed. Most times, it will be properly appreciated. *


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## KHayes666 (Aug 12, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> It depends on what is meant by "work" doesn't it? Most women can sense if "the rescue" is just a step in a person's agenda to their own means. Someone rescuing me from some other person's attempt to get under my corset will backfire greatly, when I can tell that getting under my corset is exactly what the rescuer is hoping to do.
> 
> A gentleman is a gentleman. If you do so because you mean what you say, fine. Granted, sometimes the "damsel" will misread the attempt and lash out. Especially, if there has been a string of unwanted attention. It's not fair to the rescuer, but in her mind it may have been seen as "Oh fuck, not another one!" and she reacted. Sometimes the damsel really does have it well in hand, but a nicer way of saying so is always preferred. "I had it under control, but thanks for your help." And I will admit it; *sometimes a bitch is just a bitch*. Hopefully, a mishandled incident will not deter you from future rescues if deemed needed. Most times, it will be properly appreciated.



Exactly....finding this out more and more every day.


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## fat hiker (Jul 25, 2012)

mejix said:


> 20. be tall, muscular and hung like a horse.
> 
> Tall? If that's what she wants - not every woman wants her man to be much taller than her. If the two of you are about the same height, it makes it much easier for her to kiss you - and to 'borrow' your clothes.
> 
> As for the 'muscular', many women will tell you that 'strong' is more important than 'visible muscles'.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 26, 2012)

Wow, I had forgotten all about this thread. This was before I met my fiancee too.


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## genevathistime (Aug 1, 2012)

So so so true




Weeze said:


> 28. Boys: Learn how to paint toe nails


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## one2one (Aug 1, 2012)

fat hiker said:


> If the two of you are about the same height, it makes it much easier for her to kiss you



True story.


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