# No stigma attached?



## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

I have been recently chatting online to my ex-girlfriend. Besides the talk about how we are each getting on, etc, I have mentioned that I am more comfortable with my sexuality now (which is liking bigger women, duh, lol), and she has really irritated me by saying stuff like...

"yeah, I just don't see why you'd be embarrassed, I mean, aren't you too old for such an attitude now? No offence."

Then I say a lot of guys older than me have trouble admitting they like bigger girls, and she says the following...

"yeah I guess. Maybe guys are different or something, i don't know. Plus I've always been quite mature in things like this. You're perfectly entitled to think it's a big deal."

I think she's being a bit patronising in the last message. What really annoys me is that since I have had a sexuality I have been struggling with all the media pressure about skinny women are better. I've only recently within the last 6 months, been quite open about my preference (i'm 20 now), and when I tell people about it, they come at me saying that there was no big deal in the first place. This is so annoying, because that means "this was all made up in your head, people were never going to slate you for liking big girls, you've done this all to yourself you immature moron".

Anyone else get this?


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## ThikJerseyChik (Mar 22, 2008)

May I ask WHY are you selectively engaging in conversation with your ex, obviously she has issues, is very negative and I am sure there are plenty of other females you can strike up conversation with that would be much more entertaining...

you can't move on with the present if you are still dancing in/with the past.

JMHO


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

It's not like that, I have a girlfriend and have been with her for a year and a half. It's just recently my ex-girlfriend contacted me on facebook and we had been nicely talking about our lives, and then when I mentioned my sexuality, she had been saying that there is no stigma attached to liking bigger girls and I should not be so immature about it. When I think I'm being very mature about it, since I am open about it socially now and I'm 20.


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## Ruffie (Mar 22, 2008)

That she doesn't see it as a big deal because no one questons her preference. It is a big deal to you and its okay to honour your feelings about it. Just dn't talk to her about it further, she obiously doesn't get it and probably never will.
Ruth


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## knottyknicky (Mar 22, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I have been recently chatting online to my ex-girlfriend. Besides the talk about how we are each getting on, etc, I have mentioned that I am more comfortable with my sexuality now (which is liking bigger women, duh, lol), and she has really irritated me by saying stuff like...
> 
> "yeah, I just don't see why you'd be embarrassed, I mean, aren't you too old for such an attitude now? No offence."
> 
> ...



While I can kind of see why you'd feel she's being patronizing, the fact is, ANYTHING that most of us worry about, the rest of the world couldn't care less about. For example, me growing up fat, worrying that society was constantly looking at me funny for being a fat girl, and then the day I realized I actually liked myself just fine, I had friends who said "good, i'm glad you realized how awesome and gorgeous you are, now you can start living your life." Its the same thing. Its NOT that big of a deal and yes, part of it IS inside your head. I realize there is some pressure for men to conform and bring home a thin girl, but no matter what your preferences are, at some point you're likely to need to defend them to SOMEONE, be it an ex girlfriend, a perfect stranger, or your parents. Also, you refer to your preference as your "sexuality." You're not gay, you just like fat chicks. I understand why you make it out to be that big of a deal (media, friends, society, etc) but really, its not. The older you get, the more you'll realize that. You just happen to like big girls, and all that is is a preference, and not a strange one at all.


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

I developed the shyness in school though because dating larger girls in that atmosphere was a recipe for being bullied. I did date a couple, and I did get bullied a bit. I know people should stand strong in themselves about bullying, but I don't think that's possible for someone that young.

You're quite a bit older than me and I think the atmosphere you're in now is a lot more accepting than the one I'm in. Despite that though, I am open about it now, and I'm getting more open all the time about it. I just get annoyed when people say to me that it was no big deal in the first place, when it blatantly was.


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## Maxx Awesome (Mar 22, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I developed the shyness in school though because dating larger girls in that atmosphere was a recipe for being bullied. I did date a couple, and I did get bullied a bit. I know people should stand strong in themselves about bullying, but I don't think that's possible for someone that young.
> 
> You're quite a bit older than me and I think the atmosphere you're in now is a lot more accepting than the one I'm in. Despite that though, I am open about it now, and I'm getting more open all the time about it. I just get annoyed when people say to me that it was no big deal in the first place, when it blatantly was.



You only perceived it to be a big deal because some dickhead(s) made it out to be as such. "Dude, you like fat girls? That is so gay!"
It shouldn't be an issue or something that it's necessary to "come to terms with" because, to me, it's not a monumental deal. Coming out as homosexual in a small community, such as where I live, would be a much more pressing problem than admitting to liking members of the opposite sex regardless of size.

Don't take that post as a knock or anything. Like you said, look at just about any magazine out there & you get Sarah Jessica Parker et al. thrown in your face. Hell, even my mates mocked me for going out with fat girls. I still don't see what their point was.


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## olwen (Mar 22, 2008)

Flip, I'm a little surprised by your defensiveness. Why should you be upset at her response? You assume that everyone would be shocked and offended by your preference when not everyone will be (I wonder how many people in this forum would say the same thing she did?) Just because she's big doesn't mean she has to offer you a pat on the back which, let's be honest, is what you were expecting.Consider also that telling you it's not a big deal could be her way of coping with the general stigma of fatness. Get it? 

Your anxieties were very real and very valid, so don't worry about feeling like chump for having them. Thank goodness there are people telling you it's no big deal dude. If only everybody felt that way. Would you prefer it if everyone you knew disowned you because of it? 

So, you're 20 and yeah, you are still green. No reason for you to be upset about that. It just happens to be a fact of life. You still have time to ripen. Being immature only makes you a moron if people can still say that about you well into your 40's. If you don't want people to keep telling you that you are immature, then be more concientious. In other words, pay more attention to and be respectful of other people's thoughts, feelings, and experiences.


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

> You assume that everyone would be shocked and offended by your preference when not everyone will be



I'm not assuming everyone will be shocked and offended (where did offended come into it?) by my preferences. I'm understanding that there was mountains of pressure back in my school days, and even when I was 16-18 about keeping my preferences to myself and being embarassed about it.



> Just because she's big doesn't mean she has to offer you a pat on the back which, let's be honest, is what you were expecting.



What do you think I was trying to get a pat on the back for? If you mean that now I'm a lot more open about it, I think I should get a pat on the back, after the harsh atmosphere at school and all the media pressure. I wasn't trying to get complimented for it (however it would have been appropriate and nice), I was telling her the good news - because she had known about it when I was dating her for over a year, and I thought she'd be pleased at my achievement, or at least aknowledge it.



> Consider also that telling you it's not a big deal could be her way of coping with the general stigma of fatness.



She is actually painfully self-conscious about her weight, and she has very low self esteem because of it (which I've been trying to help her with). She just flat-out denies any problem on my side of the coin, about the bullying because of my preferences, where I have (despite embarassment) come out with my preferences, and overcome the pressures.



> Your anxieties were very real and very valid, so don't worry about feeling like chump for having them.



Thankyou! Yes they were! And residue of them is still left in my head, which I'm steadily overcoming.



> Would you prefer it if everyone you knew disowned you because of it?



No, I don't know where that point you made came from, but I am saying that the threat of bullying was very real in school and it is still now a bit too; I don't desire that to be the case so that I can argue "woe is me, the whole world's against me". But I want people to aknowledge what I've had to deal with, instead of implying that I was being silly all along.



> Being immature only makes you a moron if people can still say that about you well into your 40's. If you don't want people to keep telling you that you are immature, then be more concientious. In other words, pay more attention to and be respectful of other people's thoughts, feelings, and experiences.



No one said I was immature! They imply it when they say "what the heck were you worried about anyway". The issue was very real, and I know I wasn't being dillusional about it, because I saw a lot of bullying related to this issue in school.

I'm sorry I've gone a little obsessive about you're post to me, but I am so emotional about this issue, it's caused me a load of grief in my life so far.

Nice blog btw though.


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## Scrumptious_voluptuous (Mar 22, 2008)

Wow, what kind of atmosphere was it like in school to leave you so defensive and emotional like this? Did they crucify fat chicks and those that liked them or something? Was it excecustions at dawn?? Cos...usually, people just call names, do a bit of bullying, and then we all grow up. I think you're still 16 and scared..which is very sad.

I know you've 'come out' more..but why can't you just accept that people are OK with you liking BBWs? It seems like their response isn't good enough for you, so you call them patronizing when - from what I can tell - they're just saying that it's not the big deal you've made it out to be.

Chill out brudda, everyting be Irie.

Just accept that you like big women, but also accept the fact that people _accept_ that you like big women!


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## AnnMarie (Mar 22, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I developed the shyness in school though because dating larger girls in that atmosphere was a recipe for being bullied. I did date a couple, and I did get bullied a bit. I know people should stand strong in themselves about bullying, but I don't think that's possible for someone that young.
> 
> You're quite a bit older than me and I think the atmosphere you're in now is a lot more accepting than the one I'm in. Despite that though, I am open about it now, and I'm getting more open all the time about it. I just get annoyed when people say to me that it was no big deal in the first place, when it blatantly was.



You know what, it was a big deal for you - so there. You got over, and are getting past something, that was a big deal for you. It doesn't mean what they're saying is wrong in the grand scheme of the universe - for most guys it's really not a big deal. They figure it out, they go about their business, and rarely do they get much about it other than a nasty ass family member or someone from school who torments them about everything anyway. 

But for you, this was a hurdle, so good for you for getting past it - but just realize that for people who've been in and around this it's not such a monumental achievement. And I see you like throwing ages around, but know that there are many, many guys here who've been fine and dandy with liking and openly dating big chicks since they were very, very young. My boyfriend included, was dating "fat" girls (not as fat as me, but fat by anyone's standards today) all through high school. He's only 2 years older than you, before you start throwing around the "but you're much older" thing again, which ... honestly, sounds rude the more you say it - but that's an issue for another time. 

So, in closing - really good for you, major progress, it's awesome and you've accomplished something that will help you in the rest of your life. Her message, while delivered in less than the most favorable way, is "welcome to the party - took ya' long enough!".


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

I haven't been getting many useful replies. I just want to prove this, so that people don't think I'm a lunatic...



> I think you're still 16 and scared..which is very sad.



Gee, thankyou.



> I know you've 'come out' more..but why can't you just accept that people are OK with you liking BBWs?



Yes people are OK with it in general now. But still, I know for a fact that a decent amount of people my age will still think it's a bit strange.



> but know that there are many, many guys here who've been fine and dandy with liking and openly dating big chicks since they were very, very young.



I hate to point this out, but I am perceived to be by societies standards, a physically attractive male. I also have seen guys back in my school happily dating larger girls, but they were usually out of shape, considered ugly, geeky, whatever you want. There is a difference, because they will be understood by the majority (in the school days) for being with a fat girl.



> before you start throwing around the "but you're much older" thing again, which ... honestly, sounds rude the more you say it - but that's an issue for another time.



You think me mentioning you have lived on the planet for more solar revolutions is offensive? What the heck are you on about?



> Her message, while delivered in less than the most favorable way, is "welcome to the party - took ya' long enough!".



Took me long enough? This is another insult to me. Thanks again, more so proving most of you guys posting have been more unhelpful than helpful.



> Just accept that you like big women, but also accept the fact that people accept that you like big women!



I have accepted it for ages, as I've mentioned. People accept I like big women, but I KNOW that at least a reasonable proportion of people think I'm a bit strange for it.


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## mossystate (Mar 22, 2008)

So why not just tell us what you want us to say to you. Seriuosly. It just seems that you have a very particular conversation going on in your head, and you need people to tell you very specific things. People will tell you their take on things.


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

So you're saying I can't give them reasons why they are wrong and debate?


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

Okay, okay, I'm going to stop here, I'm getting too wound up about this.

Sorry for anything I may have said that gave offense.


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## Just_Jen (Mar 22, 2008)

mossystate said:


> So why not just tell us what you want us to say to you. Seriuosly. It just seems that you have a very particular conversation going on in your head, and you need people to tell you very specific things. People will tell you their take on things.



i agree with mossy. It seems people cant seem to give you the replies you are wanting/needing. What exactly did you expect us all to say?

i mean we're all glad you've gotten past it and are now accepting of it all but it isn't that big a deal to us.

and see im the same age as you (well a year older but its not much difference) and im in the same atmosphere that you're in and it's not so bad that we should all be praising you and dancing for joy that you're finally accepting that fat chicks are good to date. i mean i was bullied for being fat and i dont see how it could have been worse for a guy going after a fat girl ya know?

it may be a big deal to you but to others it might not see it that way, so you cant expect those people to praise you for what they've already come to learn. i mean as a fat chick i still find it insulting that you're all omg im finally accepting my sexuality, cause it's like yay you've learnt that we're actually ace and decide to admit it instead of denying out existance..


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## GWARrior (Mar 22, 2008)

OMFG what a BITCH. Who the hell does she think she is???


... is that better?


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

> OMFG what a BITCH. Who the hell does she think she is???
> 
> ... is that better?



Sigh, no. I think mainly only I will be able to understand my position, and thats just natural, people don't know about other peoples lifes and I think my situation with this is a bit too complicated to break down in a few forum messages.

I got a little bit wound up about this, but I understand you all have different takes on it.


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## AnnMarie (Mar 22, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I hate to point this out, but I am perceived to be by societies standards, a physically attractive male. I also have seen guys back in my school happily dating larger girls, but they were usually out of shape, considered ugly, geeky, whatever you want. There is a difference, because they will be understood by the majority (in the school days) for being with a fat girl.
> 
> 
> 
> You think me mentioning you have lived on the planet for more solar revolutions is offensive? What the heck are you on about?



1) You should look around this board at some of the guys who are just above your age and were out and ok with themselves at your age before you before you start throwing around the "it's ok to be with a fatty if you're ugly and out of shape, but for a guy like me, it's unreal!" thing - try on JayWestCoast, Placebo, James, UnCannyBruceman, GSpoon, ABolderBoulderFA, FAJohnny, Mini, ClashCityRocker, mfdoom, to name a very, very few. (Seriously, no offense to anyone who's not there, just rattling off a few names that spring to mind when using his definition of why he's not a normal guy who likes fat chicks.)

2) It's not that you're mentioning it, it's how you're saying it. Simple as that. 

The majority of my post was a big atta' boy to you - but your chosen areas of response say a lot about your mindset in this thread. I'm still glad you've made it over a hurdle, that's no less an accomplishment, but I hope more time and positive exposure here has an impact on you.


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## Just_Jen (Mar 22, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> 1) You should look around this board at some of the guys who are just above your age and were out and ok with themselves at your age before you before you start throwing around the "it's ok to be with a fatty if you're ugly and out of shape, but for a guy like me, it's unreal!" thing - try on JayWestCoast, Placebo, James, UnCannyBruceman, GSpoon, ABolderBoulderFA, FAJohnny, Mini, ClashCityRocker, mfdoom, to name a very, very few. (Seriously, no offense to anyone who's not there, just rattling off a few names that spring to mind when using his definition of why he's not a normal guy who likes fat chicks.)



Seconded!!!


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## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 22, 2008)

Yes, being attractive, young, and irresistible to women (and men) 

this is the FA cross to bear. *sigh*


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## Just_Jen (Mar 22, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Yes, being attractive, young, and irresistible to women (and men)
> 
> this is the FA cross to bear. *sigh*



and yet you bare it so well


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## indy500tchr (Mar 22, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> 1) try on JayWestCoast, Placebo, James, UnCannyBruceman, GSpoon, ABolderBoulderFA, FAJohnny, Mini, ClashCityRocker, mfdoom, to name a very, very few.



would love to try all of them on


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## Just_Jen (Mar 22, 2008)

indy500tchr said:


> would love to try all of them on



haha we could keep them all in a walk in wardrobe (keep them comfortable of course with anything they want) and randomly yank them out of there  free access to all bbws and ssbws, no skinnies allowed, wuhahahahah!

Like a fun park for the fatties!


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## AnnMarie (Mar 22, 2008)

Just_Jen said:


> haha we could keep them all in a walk in wardrobe (keep them comfortable of course with anything they want) and randomly yank them out of there  free access to all bbws and ssbws, no skinnies allowed, wuhahahahah!
> 
> Like a fun park for the fatties!



haha, if that's the plan, I think a few names are going to have to be removed from the list - I know of at least one!  :wubu:


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## Just_Jen (Mar 22, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> haha, if that's the plan, I think a few names are going to have to be removed from the list - I know of at least one!  :wubu:



remove one and add a whole load more!


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

Lol, I like the humour of you guys


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## LalaCity (Mar 22, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I developed the shyness in school though because dating larger girls in that atmosphere was a recipe for being bullied. I did date a couple, and I did get bullied a bit. I know people should stand strong in themselves about bullying, but I don't think that's possible for someone that young.
> 
> You're quite a bit older than me and I think the atmosphere you're in now is a lot more accepting than the one I'm in. Despite that though, I am open about it now, and I'm getting more open all the time about it. I just get annoyed when people say to me that it was no big deal in the first place, when it blatantly was.



My advice? Don't borrow trouble. Be glad that, so far, your preference is accepted without argument...you may very well find that, down the road, society gives you plenty of trouble when you stick up for and assert yourself, especially if your tastes lie outside the mainstream...enjoy the fact that you are happy and open about what you like...don't worry about what others think...I mean, that was the point of "coming out," right?


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

> My advice? Don't borrow trouble. Be glad that, so far, your preference is accepted without argument...you may very well find that, down the road, society gives you plenty of trouble when you stick up for and assert yourself, especially if your tastes lie outside the mainstream...enjoy the fact that you are happy and open about what you like...don't worry about what others think...I mean, that was the point of "coming out," right?


Very true, thankyou for that .

I think down the road society will give me less trouble, because the fat acceptance movement is making big women seem more appealing to people. That by the way is fantastic, I just wish what I think the state will be in 10 years time about this subject, can be now.

I've just actually had my girlfriend come back from Majorca, her and I 'friended' each other, lol, and I feel a bit down after it because of my silly brain continuing to think larger women aren't good, despite how attracted I am to them.


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## Just_Jen (Mar 22, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> Very true, thankyou for that .
> 
> I've just actually had my girlfriend come back from Majorca, her and I 'friended' each other, lol, and I feel a bit down after it because of my silly brain continuing to think larger women aren't good, despite how attracted I am to them.



see that's just plain insulting. you still think that larger women arent good despite being attracted to them? Where was the mature acceptance you were preaching you were experiencing? 
you're just 20 and a bit lost i think.


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

No no no!

There's a difference between your conscious and sub-conscious mind. I'm saying I know full well that larger women are just as good, infact I think they rock. But my brain still has a few of its old ways about it's automatic views of women.

I also have mental health problems, which involve intrusive thoughts, so that may be partly why I'm being a little slow to change my whole world of feeling towards big girls.


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## Just_Jen (Mar 22, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> No no no!
> 
> There's a difference between your conscious and sub-conscious mind. I'm saying I know full well that larger women are just as good, infact I think they rock. But my brain still has a few of its old ways about it's automatic views of women.
> 
> I also have mental health problems, which involve intrusive thoughts, so that may be partly why I'm being a little slow to change my whole world of feeling towards big girls.



i dont quite understand the conscious and sub conscious having conflict over liking larger women bit, can you explain that at all? ive never heard anyone say that yet.

and well, changing an attitude will take time anyway, so dont worry about it too much. i do find it a bit weird that someone can be attracted to larger ladies yet their mind think otherwise about them? sounds like crazy talk to me! 

and you cant reaaaally blame it on mental health problems mister  be a man and dont blame it on other things


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## knottyknicky (Mar 22, 2008)

Im with everyone on this thread, but I can sort of see what the OP means by the subconscious thinking...Everyone starts their own size-acceptance journey from a different point A and ends at a different point B. Bottom line. The OP has come a long way, and definitely has a long way to go, but even when admitting to yourself that you're okay with something, sometimes it still takes a little more work. Its the same in reverse....some of the women around here (and men too) are 101 percent comfortable with themselves, but I'm guessing a good percentage of us still have nagging thoughts from time to time...I know for me, it took a while to really finally stop trying to fit myself into a mold...and truthfully, I'm still _very_ vulnerable to buying into the thin=good, fat=bad mindset. It comes from a life of actually believing that...and while I've made huge strides to overcome that kind of thinking, theres still plenty of work to be done...and there always will be.


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

> Im with everyone on this thread, but I can sort of see what the OP means by the subconscious thinking...Everyone starts their own size-acceptance journey from a different point A and ends at a different point B. Bottom line. The OP has come a long way, and definitely has a long way to go, but even when admitting to yourself that you're okay with something, sometimes it still takes a little more work. Its the same in reverse....some of the women around here (and men too) are 101 percent comfortable with themselves, but I'm guessing a good percentage of us still have nagging thoughts from time to time...I know for me, it took a while to really finally stop trying to fit myself into a mold...and truthfully, I'm still very vulnerable to buying into the thin=good, fat=bad mindset. It comes from a life of actually believing that...and while I've made huge strides to overcome that kind of thinking, theres still plenty of work to be done...and there always will be.



That's pretty much what I mean by the subconscious, etc.



> and you cant reaaaally blame it on mental health problems mister  be a man and dont blame it on other things



Are you actually behind things like that you say? It sounds like you're trying to be silly, or at least I hope you are.

Oh yeh...

And wtf is an OP?


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## Just_Jen (Mar 22, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> That's pretty much what I mean by the subconscious, etc.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



i was being a bit silly  
and an OP is original poster i think


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 22, 2008)

Ahh, okay, good


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## olwen (Mar 22, 2008)

Just_Jen said:


> i agree with mossy. It seems people cant seem to give you the replies you are wanting/needing. What exactly did you expect us all to say?
> 
> i mean we're all glad you've gotten past it and are now accepting of it all but it isn't that big a deal to us.
> 
> ...





flip.the.nuts said:


> Sigh, no. I think mainly only I will be able to understand my position, and thats just natural, people don't know about other peoples lifes and I think my situation with this is a bit too complicated to break down in a few forum messages.
> 
> I got a little bit wound up about this, but I understand you all have different takes on it.





AnnMarie said:


> 1) You should look around this board at some of the guys who are just above your age and were out and ok with themselves at your age before you before you start throwing around the "it's ok to be with a fatty if you're ugly and out of shape, but for a guy like me, it's unreal!" thing - try on JayWestCoast, Placebo, James, UnCannyBruceman, GSpoon, ABolderBoulderFA, FAJohnny, Mini, ClashCityRocker, mfdoom, to name a very, very few. (Seriously, no offense to anyone who's not there, just rattling off a few names that spring to mind when using his definition of why he's not a normal guy who likes fat chicks.)
> 
> 2) It's not that you're mentioning it, it's how you're saying it. Simple as that.
> 
> The majority of my post was a big atta' boy to you - but your chosen areas of response say a lot about your mindset in this thread. I'm still glad you've made it over a hurdle, that's no less an accomplishment, but I hope more time and positive exposure here has an impact on you.




Again, we're all glad you had the wherewithal to come out at your age, but just to reiterate, it's a little offensive to those of us who are fat (because it somehow diminishes our own painful experiences as fat people. You know you don't have to deal with that stuff...are you starting to get what I said about being conscientious?) that you think being bullied for liking fat girls could be more traumatic than being bullied for being fat. Not that being bullied isn't a traumatic experience, but...just dot dot dot.

Flip, I hope that if you ever go to college or if you are in college that you take a women's studies course or if offered, a course in the brand new field of Fat Studies (since 2006). I think it would help open your mind some more. 

And, thanks for reading and liking my blog.


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## OverdriveAddict (Mar 22, 2008)

So basically, you're still caught up with the whole perception of fat=ugly, the opposite sex being "in" or "out" of your league, a rating of 1-10, or what-have-you...to an extent, I think I can fall into that category sometimes as well.

It's difficult to shake what we were told to be infalliable truths regarding beauty (whether they were blatant or tacit) and, as a result, it can be difficult for one to come to terms when their attraction stray from the popular "model." It's even more difficult from those on the outside looking in.

So, in closing, be more open-minded, yes, but never passively swallow what people feed you (that goes for the media, friends, people on the forum, whomever). Always question, be critical, and figure things out for _yourself_. You need to question why it is you feel the way you do, where those feelings came from (most likely an outside influence), and determine whether those feelings/messages are valid in your mind.

And the answers, to those questions won't be found on any message board.


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 23, 2008)

K, cheers mate.


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## gangstadawg (Mar 23, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I developed the shyness in school though because dating larger girls in that atmosphere was a recipe for being bullied. I did date a couple, and I did get bullied a bit. I know people should stand strong in themselves about bullying, but I don't think that's possible for someone that young.
> 
> You're quite a bit older than me and I think the atmosphere you're in now is a lot more accepting than the one I'm in. Despite that though, I am open about it now, and I'm getting more open all the time about it. I just get annoyed when people say to me that it was no big deal in the first place, when it blatantly was.


it was possible for me to do it in high school. i never got bullied for dating a bigger girl. i got bullied because of my height and because my mom had a stroke but when i had to i would fight.


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## Ruby Ripples (Mar 23, 2008)

For as long as you are more worried that other people think fat women are ugly/bad/negative in any way than about how you feel about those women, you'll never come to terms with your preference. I am getting loud and clear that you have serious problems with other people not being attracted to fat women, and how that then will reflect back on you when you are seen with a fat woman. NOT just that they might say something. You seem to need everyone else to change their own personal thoughts about fat women. Its not going to happen. Deal. 

ps. With regard to your ex, did you ever stop to think that maybe she's sick to the back teeth of your whingeing and angst about your preference, when she has actually had to BE a bbw and BE the one who wasnt dated, BE the one who was laughed or sneered at, etc? 

You are really coming across as totally "me, me, me, me me." 

You are young, you have a world of gorgeous bbws in front of you and not nearly enough competition for their attention, due to the lack of "out" FAs. Be glad, be happy and get on with it. 

pps. Do you have ANY idea how irritating "poor me and my preference" struggles are to bbws?


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 23, 2008)

> ps. With regard to your ex, did you ever stop to think that maybe she's sick to the back teeth of your whingeing and angst about your preference, when she has actually had to BE a bbw and BE the one who wasnt dated, BE the one who was laughed or sneered at, etc?



I get your point; I didn't realise before how it may annoy larger women if I go on about how I have been anxious about my preferences for them.

I have to say though that I hadn't spoken to her in over a year until a few days ago. Also, she may be large, but shes a very attractive and pretty larger woman, she has a boyfriend now and he's slim, tall and handsome.



> You are really coming across as totally "me, me, me, me me."
> 
> You are young, you have a world of gorgeous bbws in front of you and not nearly enough competition for their attention, due to the lack of "out" FAs. Be glad, be happy and get on with it.



I don't think I've outlined how much I've personally suffered with regards to this issue. I have noted the advantage for me of a lack of competition for bbws affection. I am currently with a particularly gorgeous bbw, and have been for about a year and a half.



> pps. Do you have ANY idea how irritating "poor me and my preference" struggles are to bbws?



No I didn't. And I'm glad that I do now, because now I understand why this thread didn't go as well as I thought it would.


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## Just_Jen (Mar 23, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I have to say though that I hadn't spoken to her in over a year until a few days ago. Also, she may be large, but shes a very attractive and pretty larger woman, she has a boyfriend now and he's slim, tall and handsome.



arghh thats the worst thing you can ever say about someone and their size
its that ages old backhanded insult of you make be fat but at least youve got a pretty face...and what does the fact that shes got a slim, tall and handsome boyfriend got to do with anything?! like she's pretty enough to get a hot guY?!


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 23, 2008)

Having read the last message, I've finished posting in this thread now.

There are two sides who've been hurt by the media bullshit. Guys with the preferences for large women, and large women. I think both sides can have as much hardship from it. I never came here saying I think big women are ugly. I came here saying that it's been so long that the media have been telling me they are, that my brain seems to still think they are, even though my opinion isn't that anymore.

I understand now that it's annoying for bbws to hear a guy talk about how he has suffered due to his sexual preferences for bbws; though I don't understand why this can't be true: why large women going on about how they think they are ugly because of them being fat, affects guys who like bbws, and pisses them off too.


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## LoveBHMS (Mar 23, 2008)

> I don't think I've outlined how much I've personally suffered with regards to this issue. I have noted the advantage for me of a lack of competition for bbws affection. I am currently with a particularly gorgeous bbw, and have been for about a year and a half.



The fuck???

So wait, you've had a girlfriend for a year and a half. She's fat and you're an FA, so this does not seem to be a case of you having a partner to whom you're not fully attracted. Even if you were to break up with her you are aware there are an abundance of other fat women to go out with and less competition for them.

You have friends to whom you can talk about this stuff.

Can you explain exactly WHERE THE FUCK YOUR SUFFERING IS?



> I get your point; I didn't realise before how it may annoy larger women if I go on about how I have been anxious about my preferences for them.



ha ha ha ha. No, seriously. You thought when you were expressing anxiety, the woman was all like "Oh, man...I TOTALLY see where you're coming from. Being sexually attracted to/aroused by a woman who looks like me must totally suck. Yeah, believe me I understand. I feel for you. Whenever I hear about guys being FAs or reading "Bodacious Magazine" or subscribing to paysites my heart really goes out to them. One time I was at this BBW dance and this guy asked me to dance with him, and I said yes but I really pitied him for having such a stress-inducing sexual orientation."

Edited to add: Forget the media. The "media" exists to sell papers. The same "media" will tell you that Kirstie Alley is too fat, that Nicole Ritchie and Kate Bosworth are too thin, that Paris Hilton sucking face with another girl is hot but also try to sell papers by promoting gossip about who is and is not gay. The media will say if like fat women you're a freak, if you like skinny women you're a closet case homo who thinks women should look like young boys. If you like younger women you're a cradle robber and if you like older women you're a MILFHunter. If you're a woman who likes older men you're a gold digger and if you like younger men you're a freaky Cougar clinging desperately to her youth. If you work hard you're shallow and career obsessed and if you don't work you're lazy. IOW, turn off the TV, deep six People Magazine, and be attracted to whomever you want.


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## GWARrior (Mar 23, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I don't think I've outlined how much I've personally suffered with regards to this issue.



No. You havent. So please... tell us how much youve been suffering.

:doh:


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## Paquito (Mar 23, 2008)

man this threads become a war zone
*ducks to avoid incoming missiles*


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## LoveBHMS (Mar 23, 2008)

GWARrior said:


> No. You havent. So please... tell us how much youve been suffering.
> 
> :doh:



+1.

I'm dying to understand the level of _suffering_ that an adult goes through for having a particular sexual interest. Please expound on it so we'll understand.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 23, 2008)

.. so many poorly chosen words in this thread that I cannot possibly quote them all and say something about them, but damn, wow.

Pretty for a larger woman? Seriously? 

Suffering? This is why I don't buy the FA suffering bullshit. Yeah, in school people can be harsh, but if it isn't about the "omg you LIKE fat girls" issue, it's going to be about something else. That is how the world works. So, you may as well EMBRACE what you like. Although, I'd prefer if you did not do that yet, since your view of fat women is pretty shitty.


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## olwen (Mar 23, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> For as long as you are more worried that other people think fat women are ugly/bad/negative in any way than about how you feel about those women, you'll never come to terms with your preference. I am getting loud and clear that you have serious problems with other people not being attracted to fat women, and how that then will reflect back on you when you are seen with a fat woman. NOT just that they might say something. You seem to need everyone else to change their own personal thoughts about fat women. Its not going to happen. Deal.
> 
> ps. With regard to your ex, did you ever stop to think that maybe she's sick to the back teeth of your whingeing and angst about your preference, when she has actually had to BE a bbw and BE the one who wasnt dated, BE the one who was laughed or sneered at, etc?
> 
> ...



Oh man, that's exactly what I was trying to say before, you put it better than me.


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## sweet&fat (Mar 23, 2008)

mossystate said:


> So why not just tell us what you want us to say to you. Seriuosly. It just seems that you have a very particular conversation going on in your head, and you need people to tell you very specific things. People will tell you their take on things.



"You must spread some reputation around before giving it the Mossystate again."

FTS- it's great that you've come to peace with your preferences! 

But whether you think it's fair or not, you should get used to the fact that BBWs are not going to weave tapestries in your honor just because you finally have the guts to admit in public that you like them.

*plays the world's tiniest violin for the maladjusted FA with the hot long-term BBW gf*


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## LoveBHMS (Mar 23, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> "You must spread some reputation around before giving it the Mossystate again."
> 
> FTS- it's great that you've come to peace with your preferences!
> 
> But whether you think it's fair or not, you should get used to the fact that BBWs are not going to weave tapestries in your honor just because you finally have the guts to admit in public that you like them.



Speak for yourself there missy. I was totally working on organizing a fat woman weaving club and you are SO not invited now.

The other thing I don't get is, the OP just said he's been dating a fat woman for a year and a half. So either the horrible shit he goes through is somehow endurable, or he's just so strong he can put up with it. I've asked this before, but what exactly *happens to you guys* when you admit you're attracted to fat women? Do your friends dump you? Do they stage interventions? Do you get a call from your family's lawyer or trustee telling you you're out of the will? Do you get invites to graduations that have your name only with a little note asking you to please bring a smaller date?


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## olwen (Mar 23, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> .. so many poorly chosen words in this thread that I cannot possibly quote them all and say something about them, but damn, wow.
> 
> Pretty for a larger woman? Seriously?
> 
> Suffering? This is why I don't buy the FA suffering bullshit. Yeah, in school people can be harsh, but if it isn't about the "omg you LIKE fat girls" issue, it's going to be about something else. That is how the world works. So, you may as well EMBRACE what you like. Although, I'd prefer if you did not do that yet, since your view of fat women is pretty shitty.



Okay, I think I get this: 
At the expense of redundancy and to summarize, Flip, says he prefers fat girls, but deep down he's still ashamed about it because deep down he still thinks it's wrong to be fat. He still believes all the harmful rhetoric. He hasn't let go of his prejudices, and despite saying he sees the BBW's point of view has just said too many things to the contrary. I don't think he quite gets it yet. I should hope he spends a good deal of time studying NAAFA's and HAES's (Health At Every Size) arguments against such rhetoric.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 23, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Speak for yourself there missy. I was totally working on organizing a fat woman weaving club and you are SO not invited now.
> 
> The other thing I don't get is, the OP just said he's been dating a fat woman for a year and a half. So either the horrible shit he goes through is somehow endurable, or he's just so strong he can put up with it. I've asked this before, but what exactly *happens to you guys* when you admit you're attracted to fat women? Do your friends dump you? Do they stage interventions? Do you get a call from your family's lawyer or trustee telling you you're out of the will? Do you get invites to graduations that have your name only with a little note asking you to please bring a smaller date?



My friends threw me a coming out party. No shit. I am the ultimate wing man. I will not try to steal your thin date. I will not make a move! I can talk to any thin woman and not care for the consequence and totally be completely smooth about it because I am NOT interested! 

You have no idea how many times I've gotten to do this 

Friends: oh man, look at that cute girl over there with her friends, think we can get them to come over here?!?!
*pause*
Friends: send Justin

ALL HAIL JUSTIN. HE IS OUT OF THE WAY!


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## olwen (Mar 23, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> My friends threw me a coming out party. No shit. I am the ultimate wing man. I will not try to steal your thin date. I will not make a move! I can talk to any thin woman and not care for the consequence and totally be completely smooth about it because I am NOT interested!
> 
> You have no idea how many times I've gotten to do this
> 
> ...


Justin, you should have a reality teevee show. I'd totally watch it.


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## flip.the.nuts (Mar 23, 2008)

I said I wasn't going to post again in this thread but...



> My friends threw me a coming out party. No shit. I am the ultimate wing man. I will not try to steal your thin date. I will not make a move! I can talk to any thin woman and not care for the consequence and totally be completely smooth about it because I am NOT interested!
> 
> You have no idea how many times I've gotten to do this
> 
> ...



That is just fantastic!! That's such an interesting situation for me to hear about.


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## LoveBHMS (Mar 23, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I said I wasn't going to post again in this thread but...
> 
> 
> 
> That is just fantastic!! That's such an interesting situation for me to hear about.



You know, i sincerely hope you will change your mind and post in this thread again and outline how it is that you've suffered for being an FA. And I'm not asking because I want to make fun of you or attack you or anything, I am seriously 100% curious as hell to know how, and to what degree you have suffered for finding fat women sexually appealing. Honestly, how have you suffered with regards to this?

And let me say i will be the very first poster on here to admit I was wrong if you can offer a compelling example of suffering. If you can, I will totally say "you were right, that is awful, it sucks and I feel sorry for you."


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## missy_blue_eyez (Mar 23, 2008)

OH...MY...GOD!!! 

I have never been more insulted or annoyed from reading a thread in my whole life! I dnt think I couldn possibley multi-quote everything Ive wanted too.....BUT Mr Flip......Ive gotta say, you used that 'shes pretty.....for a fat girl' phrase and that is the most insulting thing EVER!!!!!!

You know what, the reason you closet FA's are in the closet is because you see a fat girl as nothing other than just 'fat'! LOOK PAST THE FAT!!!!!! We are normal you know! Like yourselves we are allowed (just about) to go along with everyday society. We arent diseased, we arent lepurs, we arent contagious, theres just a hell of a lot more of us to love then the average girly! MAN ALIVE!!!! argggggggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!

Yeah, you've suffered, but god damn think about what all us BEAUTIFUL BIG WOMEN go through everyday because people like yourself Mr Flip are too concerned with saving face amongst the peers!

Tell me, are these people that your worried about keeping up appearances with really friends? Cause if they were then they wouldnt care who you dated as long as you are happy....as the saying goes 

*'The people that mind dont matter, and the people that matter dont mind!!!'*

Your not worried about dating a fat girl...you are more self occupied with how people perceive you......get over yourself and be the person you are instead of being a coward or date the girls that you think society see as 'worthy' of a guy like yourself and end up miserable! Your call!

Oh and P.S Im a fat girl......a very fat one for that matter but that DOES NOT mean that the only guys that are interested in me are ones that are outta shape and as you say 'ugly'. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder my dear and right now (in the nicest possible way) your mindset is pretty ugly!!! You need to sort your head!

And as Anne Marie said, take a leaf out of the young hot FA's on here who, while you are whining about being bullied are enjoying all the beautiful fat girls while your missing out!!!

*PHEW* RANT OVER!!! ....BothGunsBlazin' come on...lets go! Lets show him what he's a missin' lol 

(This was not intended to offend in ANY way)


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## elle camino (Mar 23, 2008)

hahaha this guy can't possibly be for real.


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## Paquito (Mar 23, 2008)

this thead is bananas, b a n a n a s
this thread is bananas, *B A N A N A S*

seriously though, this guy needs to think before he types
im surprised you ladies havent ripped him apart completely for that "pretty for a larger woman" sphell of crap


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## Jon Blaze (Mar 24, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> There are two sides who've been hurt by the media bullshit. Guys with the preferences for large women, and large women.


Fair enough.



flip.the.nuts said:


> I think both sides can have as much hardship from it.



Ehhh..... Not really. Larger women might get the message that they aren't attractive while men might get the message that what they find attractive is weird/sick/T3H GH3Y, but note that the women in question also have to deal with exaggerated propaganda about their health thrown in their face every step of the way, whether they are 5 pounds or 500 pounds above the suggested norm, and they also have the stigma on them that can be seen from the eye. The only way to really identify someone as an admirer of larger women is to ask, listen, see who they are with, etc. You can conceal who you are without trying. Again, that doesn't mean there isn't hardships, but it's a much different thing.



flip.the.nuts said:


> I never came here saying I think big women are ugly. I came here saying that it's been so long that the media have been telling me they are, that my brain seems to still think they are, even though my opinion isn't that anymore.



I don't think it's that, but how you did it. Like your comment about you being thin, and otherwise attractive giving you more bounce to the ounce (Privilege)?
That is a no-no. :bow:



flip.the.nuts said:


> I understand now that it's annoying for bbws to hear a guy talk about how he has suffered due to his sexual preferences for bbws; though I don't understand why this can't be true: why large women going on about how they think they are ugly because of them being fat, affects guys who like bbws, and pisses them off too



It's not annoying I think provided you think of the other person. What does your girlfriend and ex think of this whole thing? Ask them.


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## Ben from England (Mar 24, 2008)

free2beme04 said:


> this thead is bananas, b a n a n a s
> this thread is bananas, *B A N A N A S*
> 
> seriously though, this guy needs to think before he types
> im surprised you ladies havent ripped him apart completely for that "pretty for a larger woman" sphell of crap




It's like seeing an F1 car crash at high speed and it just keeps spinning and spinning. Wince inducing. But then there is a point (bout page 2 for me) where actual interest and the possibility of contributing to an interesting topic is replaced by morbid fascinaton at the cluelessness of it all. That's why me thinks there's been less rippage of his parts.


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## Scrumptious_voluptuous (Mar 24, 2008)

Personally, I've tried writing a contribution for the last three days, but it's always the same.

I start, I get angry, I continue, and then I end up with a rude kind of comment, which is sure to get me into trouble.


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## LoveBHMS (Mar 24, 2008)

elle camino said:


> hahaha this guy can't possibly be for real.



If you don't lose the attitude you're also uninvited to my tapestry weaving party.

Play nice, Elle.


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## love dubh (Mar 24, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I don't think I've outlined how much I've personally suffered with regards to this issue.



Getting tied to a fence and left to a freezing death hurts more.


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## elle camino (Mar 24, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> If you don't lose the attitude you're also uninvited to my tapestry weaving party.
> 
> Play nice, Elle.



it's arguable, but i contend that this post was 10% more scathing and hurtful to me, because i'm what would typically be considered 'fly as a motherfucker'.


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## LoveBHMS (Mar 24, 2008)

elle camino said:


> it's arguable, but i contend that this post was 10% more scathing and hurtful to me, because i'm what would typically be considered 'fly as a motherfucker'.



Oh no no no no no...

PLEASE still be my friend.

You can _totally_ come to the tapestry weaving party. Ok? Please?

I was just jealous of you because as of today, Seattle is +1 in cool people.


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## Scrumptious_voluptuous (Mar 24, 2008)

elle camino said:


> it's arguable, but i contend that this post was 10% more scathing and hurtful to me, because i'm what would typically be considered 'fly as a motherfucker'.



Well, I was reading in 'New Scientist' that there has been recent evidence to proove that, by proxy, you'll also find yourself experiencing a raise in temperature. Professor Mims has presented substantial theorum to suggest that you're hot cos you're fly, and he aint cos he's not. This is why, this is why, this is, in fact, why you're hot.


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## mossystate (Mar 24, 2008)

* waits for my cue to bite through the rope and release the glitter- ladened balloons *


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## MickeyFFA (Apr 6, 2008)

Ok, i only read your first post so have no idea what direction this thread took after that but from what i skimmed it wasn't a good one haha. Anyway, heres my two cents.

As an FFA, I have "come out" to a few friends and one ex. Most of them told me the same thing people have been telling you, basically that i was being ridiculous for thinking it was a big deal in the first place. The reality is though, these people aren't you. They can try to understand your preference as much as they but at the end of the day they still fit into the cultural "norm". Especially since you're young, it makes it tough to stand up to your peers and be like " I like fat people and I'm proud!" Maybe it's easier for some people, but speaking as a person who is still "finding myself" being true to who you are is hard enough as it is. Throw in this curveball and it's understandable that you would need some time to overcome the thought process of the rest of society and be open with yourself.

My advice to you (which is easier said than done, trust me) is to just embrace what you like. The great thing about people is they can't read your mind, so you dont have to tell every single person you meet that you like fat girls. My one friend told me that when I was finding it hard to tell her about how i feel about fat guys and i realized she was completely right. The general public will get it on their own from the women you choose to date and how you treat them. I'm not saying you should sit back and let your buddies rag on the fat girl across the street, but you could just tell them to cut it out. You don't have to wave a friggin banner over your head with I HEART BIG GIRLS. You don't see other dudes out there with ones that say BOOBS ROCK (ok, maybe a few haha but you get my point). The only person who should really care about what you find attractive is your girlfriend, tell everyone else to just screw off.


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