# Question for FFAs about problems dating BHMs



## Zagnut (Jul 18, 2006)

I'm curious but what is the biggest problem you as a FFA run into while dating / loving a BHM?


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Jul 18, 2006)

The only problem I've ever really run into has been the not understanding that they ARE my type of guy. That if we're out, I'm not looking for another guy. I'm not embarrassed to be out with them. I'm also not only dating them because I feel sorry for them or I'm desperate. (Neither are true)

It sometimes takes a while or maybe on my own part...I needed to be more forthcoming in my preferences. 

Other than that...I can't think of any problems


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## missaf (Jul 18, 2006)

Yep, as I stated in my last post here, that's the only big catch.


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 19, 2006)

I have a pretty good class of friends, so sure, I get teased for being a 'chubby chase' but it's just teasing. Beyond that, the big problems come from the guy himself; he doesn't believe he's attractive or has various personality/behavioural issues that are attendent to being unhappy with one's appearance.

I have twice been in situations where a BHM lost weight. In one, his attitude had been "I gained weight, I didn't like it, I took the initiative to lose weight and am now happy and proud of how I look." He was no less attractive to me and the relationship was the same.

In the second, he lost weight and first asked me how I could have found him attractive before and started disparaging his former fat self. I told him I'd thought he was cute both then and now. Then he started actually complaining about how he was getting lots of new 'interested' looks from women at work. He said "Nobody gave me a second look before, now that i'm thin they all check me out or compliment me. Women are so superficial." I pointed out that if HE hadn't thought he looked good fat, then why was it superficial if others didn't? He avoided the question but said "people should like me for me, not my appearance." I said "Nobody said you had poor character or were a bad person, they just didn't like a fat body, some women don't. You didn't, which is why you lost weight. So now they see a new body that they do like and they're looking. Additionally, a lot goes along with losing weight as far as increased confidence and the pride of reaching a goal, you may well be projecting a more positive attitude and they're responding to that, too."

We eventually broke up but stayed in touch. The next woman he dated was fat and he actually called me up to disparage her and be all hypercritical.


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## missaf (Jul 19, 2006)

I think it speaks volumes about a person like you described LoveBHMs. He had issues whether he was heavy or not, and it had to do with being comfortable in his own skin.


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## German_FFA (Jul 19, 2006)

Well I don't have that much experience dating big men, but the times I did it was mostly the same problem - they had a problem with their weight and couldn't believe me, that I didn't. It can be really really annoying when a you sit next to a charming guy with great personality and a very adorable body, while he is trying to create a big distance to not to reduce my flirt chances with other, slimmer guys, who are around. There are some problems due to less selfesteem as well, which make dating quite difficult as well. 
Last guy I asked out for a date after we had lots of nice chats while beeing out to clubs with friends declined, even if he was telling his friend that I'm his type of girl a day before.  
It seems to need really much effort to make a bigger guy believe that an average built girl likes him. A really good working trick was to fool around with another, well trained guy in front of his eyes and then going back to him and giving him a kiss and showing him, that I absolutely prefer him.  That worked with double effect - you all should have seen how Mr. Gym was watching us  

Janine


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## Zagnut (Jul 19, 2006)

I'd figured that a BHM's self-esteem would probably play a large factor for all of you ladies. Including my girlfriend, I've only been involved with three women that seems to regard my size as something positive. The first was an extremely thin emotionally damaged feeder who couldn't deal with the fact that I wouldn't gain a lot more weight, and still was hung up on the "abuse" her last boyfriend was inflicting on her object of affection -- his belly -- by losing weight. She went so far as to name his belly and anthropomorphize it into her actual lover. Obviously we didn't really get beyond one date. The only other girlfriend I had claimed to like that I was heavy, but all the while was cheating on me with her rail thin alcoholic ex-boyfriend. She had an issue with size that she hid well. My current girlfriend is a real breath of fresh air to the many abusing and cheating women I've had in my life.

I do understand how hard it is, as a BHM, to believe that anyone could find me attractive. Much of my own past was involved with the instances of women who showed apparent attraction invariably wanting something from me such as money, attention, favors and such, and not out of a desire to know me as a person or know me in the Biblical sense. Still to this day when I encounter a woman flirting with me the warning bells go off. The one thing I have seen that is indicative of true attraction rather than attempts to manipulate is affection. The few women that did seem to be attracted to me touched me, and in a non-platonic way. I don't mean overtly sexual groping but gentle caresses on my face, pulling me close or wrapping my arms around them, kisses on my neck ... those intimate gestures say that I was someone to be desired. You can tell when you are being kissed by someone who wants to kiss you.

Public displays of affection also matter. I've had too many women that would be affectionate to some extent, but not where anyone could see them kissing the fat guy. It's devastating to be out with a woman, and for her to openly flirt with other men and yet be cold physically to me because she's afraid of the scrutiny others will show to her for being with me. It's not uncommon for guys to walk right up and openly hit on your girl when you are fat because so many people think BHMs are basically asexual eunichs and incapable of getting the girl. Make sure people know your BHM is yours, and more importantly, you are his.

Additionally, I needed to hear that I was attractive. I didn't really like being described as soft and cuddly like a big teddy bear, because every fat man out there has heard that at least a dozen times from platonic-only female friends how would never date them. Masculinizing compliments such as me being someone that made them felt safe, strong and protected by me worked far better than qualities attributed to more feminine ideas.

For a woman who finds BHMs the ones for her, she will very likely need to do a lot of reassuring, as we have likely had a great deal of emotional abuse by the time she walks into our life. Many of us have been really hurt and too often have been discounted as some "stupid fat slob" who doesn't deserve to live, much less be loved. BBWs are no stranger to any of this either. Patience, love, affection and honesty will work wonders.

I hope some of this helps. If you have any specific questions, I'd be happy to help.

Zagnut


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 19, 2006)

I met a really cool and smart BHM. He knows about my "thing" and was happy to let me play with his gut and admire his size.

He's also in the process of losing weight, saying he feels a lot better and thinks he looks better. Since I don't NEED fat to get turned on, I'm totally supportive. But again, he has the attitude of "I like myself, I'm comfortable in my own skin, I've just decided I'll look and feel better after I lose some weight. Plus, I've been heavy my whole life and really want to live in a small body." With that attitude, how can you NOT be supportive? He's not self loathing or saying "nobody could like a fat guy...." it's just like "I've lost some weight, I feel better, I look better, I am going to lose more weight."

Anyway, we recently spent a weekend together. Since he knows about 'my thing' I got to spend a lot of time playing with his tummy, squeezing love handles, pinching, etc. Totally fun, and since he's comfortable in his own skin, he was fine with it. I did know he was losing weight, and he knows i'm totally supportive. We had so much fun during the weekend [like never got out of bed] that we never went out to get anything to eat. We were in a hotel and got room service dinners twice, but it was ala carte so we just each got a bowl of pasta and split a side dish of veggies, and that was it. We were both sorry he was leaving Monday morning, so we spent the whole morning till he had to check out of the hotel snuggling and kissing and forgot to get breakfast or lunch.

He got home and emailed me that he'd lost two pounds over the weekend, since I was so busy enjoying his belly, and he was so busy letting me, that we never bothered eating.


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## German_FFA (Jul 19, 2006)

Thank you really much for shareing your story. The fact that we like you big men doesn't always mean we understand all your way of thinking. That makes the whole dating thing tricky sometimes - as I already mentioned above. 

The most difficult thing is it to find a way to show a guy that he is attractive when he is refusing to be touched, probably thinkng you could feel something more than there is to see. And telling the guy that he looks great I mostly earned an ironic "sure".
So any kinds of tips are really really welcome - especially since I met this cute smiling, warm hearted big boy last weekend :smitten: 

Janine


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## Zagnut (Jul 19, 2006)

German_FFA said:


> The most difficult thing is it to find a way to show a guy that he is attractive when he is refusing to be touched, probably thinkng you could feel something more than there is to see. And telling the guy that he looks great I mostly earned an ironic "sure".
> So any kinds of tips are really really welcome - especially since I met this cute smiling, warm hearted big boy last weekend :smitten:



Maybe you could start in a small way, by holding his hands, and go from there. Another possibility is to be honest and ask to if touching him is okay. He might be hestitant, or decline your request, but in the end he will know that you want to touch him. Take your time, respecting his limits, and show him that you want to be with him.

Also keep in mind that many BHMs might not be in a place to be receptive to a relationship. I wasn't for a long time. If he is abusive then move on to another guy. Many of the women that abused me where BBWs that were previously mistreated by other men, who for some reason felt they could repay the favor to me for the sins of those others -- sometimes knowingly and other times subconsciously.

Zagnut


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## cute_obese_girl (Jul 19, 2006)

Zagnut said:


> I didn't really like being described as soft and cuddly like a big teddy bear, because every fat man out there has heard that at least a dozen times from platonic-only female friends how would never date them. Masculinizing compliments such as me being someone that made them felt safe, strong and protected by me worked far better than qualities attributed to more feminine ideas.



That's a really good point Zagnut. I just wanted to highlight that one to make sure all the ladies here caught it. I've made comments similar to that to a man, not with the intentions of feminizing him, but because I didn't really get that it could have that effect. Perhaps the reason that us ladies have a hard time convincing a BHM that he's attractive is because we don't speak "man." We need to learn to convey the same feelings, but in a way that he can understand and appreciate too.:doh: 

Thanks for the insight Zagnut.


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## collegeguy2514 (Jul 20, 2006)

i think i have somewhat of an advantage over a regular fat guy, since im an FA myself. if/when i get in a relationship with a FFA, when she says she likes my big belly, i know she means it; since when i tell her how i like her big belly, i know i mean it. 

does that make sense to anybody else?


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jul 20, 2006)

Zagnut said:


> Masculinizing compliments such as me being someone that made them felt safe, strong and protected by me worked far better than qualities attributed to more feminine ideas.



Dating a guy that's bigger than I am (he's 6' 3" and about 220; I'm 5' 5" and about 125), I can't say his size makes me feel "safe." It's not that he's at all effeminate in anyway, but unless there's a mad bear or murderer nearby, there's not a whole lot of protection I need. I'm mean as all hell and work in a job where I regularly deal with the scum of the earth. Not a whole lot scares me. So if your girlfriend isn't saying things like she's feeling protected, don't take it personally!


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## Laina (Jul 20, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Dating a guy that's bigger than I am (he's 6' 3" and about 220; I'm 5' 5" and about 125), I can't say his size makes me feel "safe." It's not that he's at all effeminate in anyway, but unless there's a mad bear or murderer nearby, there's not a whole lot of protection I need. I'm mean as all hell and work in a job where I regularly deal with the scum of the earth. Not a whole lot scares me. So if your girlfriend isn't saying things like she's feeling protected, don't take it personally!



I dunno...I'm mean, horrible, and violent--and all of that packed into a one hundred and ten pound, five foot four frame--and I still feel safer when my boy is around. Less because he's physically imposing to other people (he is, but that's not the point) and more because he's physically larger than me. He can, and does, stop me from doing stupid things (like stepping on swords...oh, wait...) on a regular basis. I guess being able to grab my upper arms and lift me off the ground is handy. Unless you're me.

I don't need to be protected by any stretch of the imagination...but I certainly don't mind knowing someone has my back. (Not that I'd tell HIM that. I still give the requisite squeal-and-argue when he tries to do something for me. It's good form. Or something.)


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## missaf (Jul 20, 2006)

I don't think I feel protected, I think I feel... cherished when I'm around a bigger guy. It's hard to explain. Guys closer to my height just don't seem to radiate that natural feeling I get.


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## Buffetbelly (Jul 20, 2006)

missaf said:


> I don't think I feel protected, I think I feel... cherished when I'm around a bigger guy. It's hard to explain. Guys closer to my height just don't seem to radiate that natural feeling I get.


 
I think you're saying it's a primal thing, and not a logical calculation of actual risks. Ug hears you, cavegirl! We mate now?


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## missaf (Jul 20, 2006)

Buffetbelly said:


> I think you're saying it's a primal thing, and not a logical calculation of actual risks. Ug hears you, cavegirl! We mate now?




Ug! Hit me over the head, put a bone in my hair, and we'll be all set BB


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## German_FFA (Jul 20, 2006)

@ Zagnut
I really have to ask that one - What DO you big guys think when a girl who looks "good" in average opinion flirts with you?

I do not feel safer with a big guy than with an average one - the bigger one mostly does turn me on much more 

Janine


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## bigfatstripeycat (Jul 20, 2006)

German_FFA said:


> @ Zagnut
> I really have to ask that one - What DO you big guys think when a girl who looks "good" in average opinion flirts with you?
> 
> I do not feel safer with a big guy than with an average one - the bigger one mostly does turn me on much more
> ...



It's flattering. But, as much of a hermit as I tend to be, any positive attention is often flattering (and makes me blush a nice, red color). Usually, I've found that most flirting from "good" looking people is usually just for show--words with no real intent of following through. I assume it's because they think I "need" some kind words. *shrugs* Regretfully, I tend to feel more comfortable with BBWs, so I might flirt back a bit, but I don't have a problem if nothing comes of it.


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## Zagnut (Jul 20, 2006)

German_FFA said:


> @ Zagnut
> I really have to ask that one - What DO you big guys think when a girl who looks "good" in average opinion flirts with you?
> 
> I do not feel safer with a big guy than with an average one - the bigger one mostly does turn me on much more
> ...



At different point in my life I've thought different ways. 

When I was younger I figured that she couldn't truly be interested in me and was mocking me or otherwise making fun of me.

When I was a bit older I figured she wanted something, such as attention, having been burned many times.

Much of the times a woman showed apparent attraction to me were when she wanted something from me, was drunk and therefore less coherent or in a bad place needed a white knight to save her, to which she kicked me in the teeth after I'd served my purpose.

Nowadays, I smiled and enjoy it, since I am much more guarded and very much involved. If there comes a time where my current relationship is over and I still heavy, I will probably be much more guarded again.

Not every woman should necessarily feel safe with a BHM, but it is a common reason for the attraction, so I mentioned it as an example. If it's not a feeling you express, so be it!

Zagnut


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## Tad (Jul 20, 2006)

German_FFA said:


> @ Zagnut
> I really have to ask that one - What DO you big guys think when a girl who looks "good" in average opinion flirts with you?
> 
> I do not feel safer with a big guy than with an average one - the bigger one mostly does turn me on much more
> ...



I'm not Zagnut, but I'll chime in here anyway. Advance warning, I'm quite tired as I write this, so I don't promise brilliant clarity or coherence. Also I just cracked open a beer, so depending on how this runs the coherence may start to decline......

I think that to a large degree, you might find a different response from guys who have 'always' been fat, compared to those who became fat as adults.

During the wonderful brain renovation project that is adolescence, things that we do a lot of get wired into our brain in a very permanent way. If you play a lot of tennis in your early teenage years, you will remember those moves for life in a more intense way than those who learn later or who didnt play so muchour brains get re-wired a lot in those years, so patterns get built very strongly in this time.

If you are fat in this period, you probably spend a lot of time thinking No girls will be attracted to me, because Im fat. And that pattern can get laid down very strongly. Someone who gains later on may also feel this same way, but usually not in so much of a deep, fundamental, sort of way. So when you are dealing with a BHM who has always been fat, try to think back to something that was a repeated emotional experience for you in that age range, and how easy or hard it will be for someone to overcome the feelings that formed in you. These are not so much logical thoughts that the person is having right now, it is more like the ruts in the road into which they will always tend to fall. 

Anyone can learn to change how they feel about these things, but it will be easier for some than others, and the difficulty in changing will not always correlate with how fat the person is or how otherwise happy they are.

Im not a therapist or a psychologist or a counselor, or anything like that. So the next part of what I say is just some ideas of my own, with no proof behind them. So I hope you find them interesting to think about, but dont assume they are all right or true.

It seems to me that maybe it could be very effective to meet these patterns directly. Say to him If Id known you when you were 14, I would have had the biggest crush on you. But I would have been too shy to tell you. Im so glad that now Im not so shy. Or if he seems to really expect criticism, tell him Listen to me: Im not that girl, whoever she was. I would never have turned you away for being fat, EVER. I have always liked big guys, I have always thought big guys were more attractive and sexier. I have never put them down, or pretended to flirt with them and then make fun of them. Whoever it was who made you expect women to behave this way, I AM NOT THAT GIRL! Or a variant on that if you know his parents gave/give him a hard time about his weight. I am NOT your mother. Not every woman feels the way she does. I do not think you are too fat, that you were ever too fat, nor will I ever think that. I like you for being you, all of you. So please, you dont live wit your mother anymore, try not to let her keep living in your head. Listen to my voice insteadyou are a gorgeous, sexy, desirable manno ifs, ands, or buts.

On a kind of related note, if you can see old pictures of him, do not laugh, do tell him that he was cute. Even if he had pimples and a bad hair cutit is only a small lie.

Also remember that most guys who grew up fat had few dating opportunities--often even few flirting opportunities. So they may not have developed the skills in flirting and moving towards a date that you would expect from most grown men. 

Of course there are all sorts of exceptions--guys who were thin who did not date, guys who were fat who were regular romeos. But on average I think you'd find the correlation I said.

But best of luck to all you single BHM and FFA--may you all find each other soon!

-Ed


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## shdwyldcat (Jul 22, 2006)

BLUEeyedBanshee said:


> The only problem I've ever really run into has been the not understanding that they ARE my type of guy. That if we're out, I'm not looking for another guy. I'm not embarrassed to be out with them. I'm also not only dating them because I feel sorry for them or I'm desperate. (Neither are true)



I don't know if I fit into the catecory of a bhm, but I do like my food. I also more attacted to bbws. OIf course this is more than just a string prefernce. This is the exact same issue that I would come across frequently when I was datingg, and have to deal with periodically whith my girlfriend. 

The men who cannot beleive that you want to be with them, there is little that reassurance will do in the immediate term. If I were to categorize myself, I would probably fit into the catecory as a feedee. However, I am strongly attracted to bbws and one day figured I had to choose between the two. So I did. 

I did become lean and "fit" for a while, bit then I recently had and illness that kept me from ezercising. Unfortunabley most of the weight I gained wasn't in a fun way, but I now have a belly that spills onto my lap.


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## German_FFA (Jul 22, 2006)

Zagnut said:


> Much of the times a woman showed apparent attraction to me were when she wanted something from me, was drunk and therefore less coherent or in a bad place needed a white knight to save her, to which she kicked me in the teeth after I'd served my purpose.



This experience is really sad, I think, but let me tell you about my last weekends experience - I was out and met this cute BHM. We both already had some drinks, so we started to flirt really offensive, it got quite far and we kissed eachother. After that my friends kept on coming over and ask me, why I am so attracted to that guy. Some of them were even telling me about an other guy, who was wanting to flirt with me. Well, now as I am in the mid-twenties with a strong self-confidence knowing quite good, who I am and what I can do I just told everyone who asked me that I thought that he was a cute guy, leaving no space to say "but". 
That might have turned out quite different as I was younger! As you're a teenager you often give really much tro your friends opinion. And if you friends tell you, your boyfriends looks is really uncool it takes really much to answer them, that it is what you want. 
The other point is, that I would never tell e.g. my mom that I am a FFA. On the one hand, she is quite intolerant to anything that is apart from "normal", so it is a way of "educating" her and on the other hand - it's not her and even not my friends problem. The just have to get along with the point, that I am dating a BHM. 
And if I meet a big guy, I am not feeling like telling him, that I am attracted by his size in special, because I am not. His size is a big plus point in attraction, but if I am attracted to a guy - it is the whole thing - his personality, his eyes, his smile and somewhen in this list there is his size. Telling him, that I am attracted to big men would feel for me like a guy telling a girl "I am attracted to girls with big breasts" . That's a downgrading of the persons personality. Or does that sound stupid?

Janine


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## pattycake (Jul 22, 2006)

Zagnut said:


> Public displays of affection also matter. I've had too many women that would be affectionate to some extent, but not where anyone could see them kissing the fat guy. It's devastating to be out with a woman, and for her to openly flirt with other men and yet be cold physically to me because she's afraid of the scrutiny others will show to her for being with me. It's not uncommon for guys to walk right up and openly hit on your girl when you are fat because so many people think BHMs are basically asexual eunichs and incapable of getting the girl. Make sure people know your BHM is yours, and more importantly, you are his.
> 
> For a woman who finds BHMs the ones for her, she will very likely need to do a lot of reassuring, as we have likely had a great deal of emotional abuse by the time she walks into our life. Many of us have been really hurt and too often have been discounted as some "stupid fat slob" who doesn't deserve to live, much less be loved. BBWs are no stranger to any of this either. Patience, love, affection and honesty will work wonders.



It's funny, but when I dated slim guys I never went in for PDAs. Beyond hand-holding and pecks on the cheek the guys never tried it on in public and even if they had tried to I would have felt uncomfortable and embarrassed. But dating a BHM I can't help myself. Not because I'm actively thinking 'I need to demonstrate I'm not afraid of the scrutiny of others and I need to boost his self estemm blah blah blah' but because I really really fancy him and I can't control myself! I'm not thinking about anyone else and what they think. I can barely organise a sensible thought at all when I'm with him (which must result in him thinking he's dating a complete bimbo!) He's also the only guy who's ever inspired jealousy in me and I suspect that my PDA thing is in a small way partially to warn other women off! But if PDAs help to boost him in any way possible and reassure him of how I feel, then all to the good.  



edx said:


> During the wonderful brain renovation project that is adolescence, things that we do a lot of get wired into our brain in a very permanent way. If you play a lot of tennis in your early teenage years, you will remember those moves for life in a more intense way than those who learn later or who didnt play so muchour brains get re-wired a lot in those years, so patterns get built very strongly in this time.
> 
> If you are fat in this period, you probably spend a lot of time thinking No girls will be attracted to me, because Im fat. And that pattern can get laid down very strongly. Someone who gains later on may also feel this same way, but usually not in so much of a deep, fundamental, sort of way. So when you are dealing with a BHM who has always been fat, try to think back to something that was a repeated emotional experience for you in that age range, and how easy or hard it will be for someone to overcome the feelings that formed in you. These are not so much logical thoughts that the person is having right now, it is more like the ruts in the road into which they will always tend to fall.



Well said, Ed (as usual). :bow: You are wise beyond measure! 
I often wonder about the difference (psychologically) between BHMs who grew up fat and those that didn't. 



German_FFA said:


> And if I meet a big guy, I am not feeling like telling him, that I am attracted by his size in special, because I am not. His size is a big plus point in attraction, but if I am attracted to a guy - it is the whole thing - his personality, his eyes, his smile and somewhen in this list there is his size. Telling him, that I am attracted to big men would feel for me like a guy telling a girl "I am attracted to girls with big breasts" . That's a downgrading of the persons personality. Or does that sound stupid?



It's true that if a guy said to me "I'm only attracted to girls with..(and described all my physical attributes)" and if all his exes were clones of me, it's nowhere near as good as a man saying he was knocked out by my smile or the twinkle in my eye or something I said or did. Knowing a girl likes big guys is good (and helps a lot) but knowing she likes YOU (body AND everything else) is what matters. If your whole relationship revolves around one partner's fat, that's as healthy as a relationship that revolves around your boobs or you being blonde or being 21. His body should be ONE of the MANY things you like about him. So tell him EVERYTHING you like about him, be physically demonstrative and have patience.


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## gentle_viewer (Jul 23, 2006)

One guy I dated was really, really conscious of his weight and the fact that he was heavy and I was not. I thought he'd look good with a few MORE pounds, actually, but I supported him if he wanted to lose...however, he was a gourmet chef so he never did lose the weight.

I was a bit bothered by the extent to which he was self-conscious, but I didn't know what to do to convince him. I tried to be super attentive and give compliments but nothing really helped :/ Eventually, we split up and he's dating a heavy girl now. I'm still sad and puzzled about it, though I'm sure there were other things that led to the breakup.


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## German_FFA (Jul 25, 2006)

gentle_viewer said:


> One guy I dated was really, really conscious of his weight and the fact that he was heavy and I was not. I thought he'd look good with a few MORE pounds, actually, but I supported him if he wanted to lose...however, he was a gourmet chef so he never did lose the weight.



I dated a guy with really few pounds extra, who was not happy about those extra pounds and always tried to show off with me - everywhere in public. I got really annoyed and stopped dating him. Strangely, some of his friends kept on asking me, why I liked him - so probably he's just hanging out with the wrong folks.

Janine


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## FreneticFangs (Aug 2, 2006)

My main problem dating BHMs:
I love partying, I love dancing... now how many BHMs do you know would be willing to dance their asses off in a VIP lounge surrounded by gorgeous people in the heart of South Beach? 
I found one and I'm holding onto him for dear life. haha. 

Even though.. in all honesty... it was me who found him and made the first move.. and I wonder.. if he would have had the guts to come up to me and introduce himself. 
So the main problem with BHMs: They won't hit on me! I have to literally crawl on them at times before they go "Oh... crap... she actually digs me???!!" lol
Self-esteem I tell you. That's the main problem with dating BHMs.


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## German_FFA (Aug 2, 2006)

FreneticFangs said:


> My main problem dating BHMs:
> I love partying, I love dancing... now how many BHMs do you know would be willing to dance their asses off in a VIP lounge surrounded by gorgeous people in the heart of South Beach?
> I found one and I'm holding onto him for dear life. haha.
> 
> ...




You're saying exactly what I think. Well this here is not the South Beach, but there are still some exclusive places I like - if you have the luck to meet a BHM there he would probably never ever start flirting with you. I hate to start everytime...

J


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## Scandi (FFA) (Aug 2, 2006)

Well, I don't see any problems at all.

I don't care about other peoples opinion about my desire. It's my life and it's only me who can live it.

Some of you said that many BHM's are having a dissatisfaction about their weight, but I think we can find the same number of "normal weighty" guys, who don't have any self-confidence at all.
- and I wont have problems about the health issue, cause I don't like really fat guys.

I only have a "geographic challenge" (we need more BHM in Denmark).

Besides, it's our principal duty to make sure our lovely BHM's are feeling wonderful and special ;-)
_Which belly can resist an erotic bellyrub and all this attention?_


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## growingman (Aug 2, 2006)

Scandi (FFA) said:


> Well, I don't see any problems at all.
> 
> I don't care about other peoples opinion about my desire. It's my life and it's only me who can live it.
> 
> ...



I have never been to Denmark but I have known a lot of pilots who want to retire there because they say the people there are so nice and the women are so attractive. If I could find interesting work there I think I would definately consider moving there, but alas for Americans working in Europe is always difficulte due to work permit and visa problems. I wonder if there are many women in Denmark who appreciate guys with big bellies or if it is rare?


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## Scandi (FFA) (Aug 2, 2006)

*growingman:* Yes yes yes, maybe I should recruit BHM's to Denmark.

Right now it's very easy to get a good job here, because we have a low rate of unemployment. It doesn't matter about the languages (English is enough).

Hmm you just gave me a good idea there, hehe. With my background in Real estate, I could find a big house to all those BHM's, and my job today is about headhunting people to all kind of jobs. Very good combination *lol*

My own big boy harem


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## growingman (Aug 2, 2006)

Scandi (FFA) said:


> *growingman:* Yes yes yes, maybe I should recruit BHM's to Denmark.
> 
> Right now it's very easy to get a good job here, because we have a low rate of unemployment. It doesn't matter about the languages (English is enough).
> 
> ...



Hehe, sign me up Scandi! I hope you dont mind if I skip the herring for breakfast and just stick to lots of pancakes lol. So, do you think there are many women who like guys with big bellies in Denmark?


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## Scandi (FFA) (Aug 2, 2006)

*growingman:* 
- skip the herring? no no, you need a seat in the hot chair (you can bring the pancakes) hehe

To your question I must admit, that I don't have a market-analysis about FFA's in Denmark, but there are many reasons why you should move to Denmark ->

*WE HAVE:*
- Tuborg + Carlsberg (beer)
- Tulip Bacon
- Tempting kitchen
- Good job opportunities
- Sweet girls ;-)
- Equality
- Freedom of expression 
- Free hospital, doctors, school etc. (at the public expense)
- Beautiful nature (woods and beaches everywhere)

*LINKS ABOUT DK*
You can read a little more about Copenhagen here: http://www.visitcopenhagen.dk/

Gust in Denmark: http://danmark.dk/portal/page/pr04/DANMARK_DK/Forside/Guest_in_Denmark

One of our beaches: http://www.amager-strand.dk/

Everything about Copenhagen: http://www.aok.dk/

*JOB LINKS:*
http://www.mercuriurval.com/default____4365.aspx?epslanguage=EN
http://www.jobindex.dk/
http://www.matchwork.dk/jobs/jobsoeger.asp
http://www.stepstone.dk/home_fs.cfm
http://www.manpower.dk/MPNet3/startContent.asp?Ref=DENMARK_NORDIC


*MORE:*
- LEGO
- H. C. Andersen
- Arne Jacobsen
- Football and handball
- Muhammed caricature-cartoons
- Royal House
- Bang & Olufsen
- Vestas
- Jørn Utzon


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## growingman (Aug 2, 2006)

Wow! Thanks for all the info Scandi.


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## GoddessNoir (Aug 2, 2006)

The only problems that I could say I have had have come fromthe guy themselves. I'm fat too but, I've always been cool with myself, I didn't "learn to love myself" I've always thought highly of myself and that has become a bit of a problem because some of the guys that I have dated have had issues with themselves where as I haven't. (I hope that makes sense).

I dated this one guy who would always talk about his weight, his belly and arms were too big, this jiggles, etc. When I would answer "so what?" or "I like that", he would get upset, as though I was DOING something to him, that turned into an issue where he felt he needed to screw a bunch of different women to prove that he was attractive.

The last guy I dated was GREAT. I adored him, he was SO smart, funny, nice, kind, the type of guy I would want to marry and have children with but, he had SO many issues. It was weird because he and I are both fat and he and I are both FAs he appreciated my body, loved it (along with my stellar personality) and I was okay with it but, when I commented on how great I thought he was personlaity wise that was fine but any mention of his body  it was mayhem. We had serious issues beause there was something, I have no idea what keeping him from me, finally we broke up because our relationship became such a strain on me.


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## activistfatgirl (Aug 2, 2006)

Just a small thing:
If my forehead is slapping up against your belly, and you have a large, soft one, maybe offer to lift it up for awhile?

If you don't get it, don't worry.


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## Jackoblangada (Aug 2, 2006)

activistfatgirl said:


> Just a small thing:
> If my forehead is slapping up against your belly, and you have a large, soft one, maybe offer to lift it up for awhile?
> 
> If you don't get it, don't worry.




LOL I commend you on the most descriptive answer of all. Fantastic


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## Jackoblangada (Aug 2, 2006)

German_FFA said:


> You're saying exactly what I think. Well this here is not the South Beach, but there are still some exclusive places I like - if you have the luck to meet a BHM there he would probably never ever start flirting with you. I hate to start everytime...
> 
> J


While I know what both of you feel is true, we fat boys are not so good at making the first move, i do ask that you give us some slack. For those of us that have alawys been fat we missed a lot of good flirting/mating time in highschool. it took most of us a while to like our bodies 

And it's not just fat guys not dancing...how many straight guys do you know that really like to dance and just don't do it to meet women?


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## shdwyldcat (Aug 3, 2006)

Count me on on that one... I like dancing just to dance, and I've never had a gay bone in my body. (...and never will.)

As far as saying "fat boys are not so good at making the first move," is hogwash. It has nothing to do with a guys weight... skinny guys aren't so good at making the first move either. 

Take this as a general rule of thumb... women expect men to make the first move, and generally will not make the first move themselves. The guy who makes the moves generally gets the girls... deal with it. There are exceptions to this rule, but you must first learn to go after and get what you want before you can learn to make what you want come to you. (I think I was the BHM feedee Jedi master Obi Ton Kinobi in a former life.) 

Essentially, you have to decide what it is that you want, and make the commitment to do what ever it takes to get what it is you want... I am assuming that one of the things that you want is a woman who prefers fat men.

Sometimes this might take some reframing of what things mean. If you get rejected by a woman for being too fat, that's GREAT news. That means that you have just gotten her out of the way, which has made room for the woman you really want to be with, considering you didn't want to be with a woman who isn't attracted to fat men anyway.

I could go on about this topic for several pages, but I have to cut this short because I have a test to study for. However, I'll give a little more so I don't leave you hanging...

After you decide both what it is that you want, and what it is that you don't want, make a game plan. Essentially make a plan to get from where you are, to where you want to be. Then follow it. You'll probably make some mistakes along the way, and you might have to re-write your plans a few times, but above all do what it takes to get to where it is you want to go.


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## Zagnut (Aug 3, 2006)

FreneticFangs said:


> My main problem dating BHMs:
> I love partying, I love dancing... now how many BHMs do you know would be willing to dance their asses off in a VIP lounge surrounded by gorgeous people in the heart of South Beach?



That's the funny part. I used to be the only BHM out dancing my ass off. I used to be dragged around to various dancing nightclub as the guy who had pockets for all the platonic girls' money and IDs. I found that the act of dancing around and with attractive women served as a sort of weak surrogate for not actually having affection in my life. I ended up becoming quite a good dancer, in a number of different dancing genres, so much so that I then often became the guy that hot women would dance with before they went home with their boyfriends to have sex with. If I was hugged, it served as the veritable tactile bread crumbs I lived on until the next time some "friend" consented to hug me again. So many of them seemed to live in a state of fear that I would become interested in them, so I learned to contain my feelings very well. I was very much starving for love and affection and being surrounded by "friends" sharing their affections freely with one another and any old guy, but denied myself, I spent a lot of time deeply depressed but hiding the fact.

Heh, my past life sucks, don't it?

I don't go dancing anymore, as my girlfriend isn't into it, and I'd much rather spend a Friday night at home with her naked than sweating out on the dance floor in complete emotional anguish!

Zagnut


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## Big Daddy WooWoo (Aug 3, 2006)

I like dancing.

Not a big fan of the "untz untz untz untz" 4/4 techno beats though (they can awfully boring), but give me somethin' funky, and I can dance all freakin night long.

And yet I still don't get the urge to get into hair styling, interior decoration or community theater...


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## Jes (Aug 3, 2006)

Scandi (FFA) said:


> Hmm you just gave me a good idea there, hehe. With my background in Real estate, I could find a big house to all those BHM's, and my job today is about headhunting people to all kind of jobs. Very good combination *lol*
> 
> My own big boy harem



Fat Big Brother!


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