# a critical Personality analysis - let me know what you think



## Jack Secret (Dec 30, 2013)

I really don't know where to post this. It's completely off-topic for this site, but I have a few questions on psychology. This is as close a place to post it as I could find.

I am finally having an "ordered" visitation with my now nine-year-old son this Saturday. All of this is a very long story Anyway, give this a read. I would like to know your opinion of what kind of person I must be given what is implied in this e-mail. What are your thoughts on her as well.

*****
Since you were apparently unaware that this agreement is a temporary one, and hung up on me when I called to explain, I have been very concerned about Braden's welfare and reaction to the upcoming events. For that reason, and because you haven't thought I should come by and talk to you first before he comes over, I want to make sure things are clearly set forth for next weekend and until we go back to court to finish this case. I have attached a copy of this email to my attorney and feel free to forward it to yours if you want to. I ONLY agreed to allow temporary visitation because, though I do not believe this is in Braden's best interests, I want him to be able to make that decision. You have to understand that if he tells the judge he does not want visitation with you, then visitation will not continue and I am able to accept that if he does want you in his life at this point, that it should be his decision. Because this is going to be a difficult and emotional thing, I want to clarify what I was told and agreed to:
	Visitation begins Saturday, Jan 4th, 2014 from 10am to 12pm at your house with me supervising;

	No one, including, but not limited to, your father may interfere with visitation;

	You may not take pictures of Braden or try to force him to take pictures; if you do, Braden will be leaving and we can reschedule at a later time after I have talked to my attorney to make sure that there will be nothing else inappropriate done;

	If you start talking about your deceased mother on the first visit, we will leave and reschedule;

	If Braden does not want to come next Saturday, I am going to do my best to bring him, but if he wants to go home, I have been instructed to take him home;

	This entire situation is delicate, to say the least, and if Braden expresses not to continue visitation before we are to go back to court in June, we will get an emergency hearing to request visitation cease permanently and let Braden talk to the judge himself to let him know what he wants to do;

	I will not influence Braden in any way, and I would appreciate you not trying to influence him as well.....He is old enough to where he has his own mind and is smart enough to know what he wants and doesn't want;

	If Braden does not want you to be somewhere where he is, please do not come because I don't want him to want to leave because you show up;

	Please do not speak ill of me in front of Braden, as I am the only person who has raised him his entire life and that is not something that is appropriate to do; do not let your dad speak ill of me either where Braden may be in earshot and I most definitely will not speak ill of you;

	My family and friends, especially those who were at court and the ones who weren't able to come to that hearing SPECIFICALLY asked my attorney to make sure that neither your, your dad, or anyone else associated with you contact them in any way....I do believe my attorney spoke to your attorney at least TWICE about this to get that assurance so please DO NOT contact my family....ever...they do not want anything to do with you or your dad...EVER (and you saying you were gonna try to undo the damage with my family was just creepy);

	I wish you would try to work with me during this temporary situation for Braden's sake, instead of working against me and not be willing to listen to anything I have to say;

	This is going to be very traumatic for Braden, so if you could keep that in mind, I would greatly appreciate it;

	I expect you to go by the Original Order as well and you have a copy so I shouldn't keep having to ask you to go by it;

	I am going to do everything I can to be there and make sure Braden at least feels safe that I am around, and I am asking you to respect that;

	Keep in mind that Braden has never known you and still does not know you, so you are a stranger to him....don't take offense if he doesn't run up with open arms because the fact is that he may not want you to be in his life and that's something that you will have to accept just like I will accept it if he does.....however, I won't let him continue if he is against it to the point that it is causing him problems; Braden is my only concern in all of this so court will just need to be moved up;

	If you want to talk to me before next Saturday, let me know, as I wanted to talk to you after court and you left;

	Nothing else has changed, Braden has the right to inherit from you now, which is what legitimation does and there is a temporary visitation schedule set up until we go back to court and that's pretty much the jist of it....I still have all of the rights to Braden as I did before we entered into this agreement so please keep that in mind.
If you have any other questions or things that you aren't sure of, please let me know so I can make sure it is cleared up by next weekend and we are both on the same page. If you want to continue to hang up on me or not want to communicate with me about this, that is your choice.
*****


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## fritzi (Dec 30, 2013)

This says nothing about you as a person or your personality.

All it shows is that you're in the middle of a messy custody battle.

Unfortunately millions of separated parents all over the world send each other such diatribes - so don't take it too personally.

The only thing that's important is to keep this hassle as far away from your son as possible. He's at the most difficult age for this - because he will already be aware of what is going on, but simply is not yet old and mature enough to process it cognitively.

Good luck!

P.S.: Actually this backstory imo also answers the question to the source of your panic attacks. Having such a massive unresolved conflict in your personal life will cause panic attacks even among those not prone to them. Find a way to solve that conflict - with outside help if necessary.


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## EMH1701 (Jan 6, 2014)

I have to agree with this also. One cannot judge another's personality from such an e-mail. It does show she's extremely worried about what others think and say of her, which many women in general are but not to such an extreme they would demand people change their speech to suit them.


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## Marlayna (Jan 6, 2014)

It sounds like you were married to a neurotic control freak. Stay strong.


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## Jah (Jan 6, 2014)

I suppose I have a different opinion here. My parents are divorced and so are my husband's parents. Generally they are nicer to each other than that. Both my mum and my mother-in-law allowed their children to visit their father. I think that email is just cold. The thing about not being able to take pictures seems odd. Why would it be traumatic for the child? Why should it matter whether you talk about your deceased mother or not? Unless you hit her or verbally abused her then I don't see why she would have reason for such a hostile tone to her email, in other words, I think she may be being irrational.


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## Jah (Jan 6, 2014)

Marlayna said:


> It sounds like you were married to a neurotic control freak. Stay strong.


I totally agree with that.


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## PolkaDotty (Jan 6, 2014)

I have no dog in this fight, but to see this all played out in a public forum seems unfair to the boy and his mother...especially the posting of what seems to be a private email in a very sensitive and emotional conflict. Even if they never see this page or ever know about it, it seems wrong. And potentially risky.

It is possible to gain support and discuss the subject without getting this personal or disclosing sensitive information. It's also possible support a forum member without insulting or trashing the person they are in conflict with... isn't it?

I wish you and your family well in this struggle, Jack. I hope you find compromise and comfort. I just sense this isn't quite the best way to do it.


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## CastingPearls (Jan 6, 2014)

I hope you forwarded a copy of that to your attorney, K.


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## Jack Secret (Jan 7, 2014)

CastingPearls said:


> I hope you forwarded a copy of that to your attorney, K.



oh yes, everything I get from her I forward directly to my attorney. I finally did get to see my son for about 10 or 15 min. he was really scared and kept telling his mom he wanted to go home. I don't blame Him I guess. One really strange thing that happened was that I stretched out my hand to shake his hand. I told him "my name's Craig And I'm your father". his mother wonder why I have the audacity to just come out and say I was his father.

Just for the sake of background, I Never Married That Woman! She was NOTHING like this when we were dating. I'm not upset about any of this anymore.

I'm just fucking embarrassed. Embarrassed for her And embarrassed that some person pulled the wool over my eyes And made me the world's biggest sucker.

I appreciate everyone's input.


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## CastingPearls (Jan 7, 2014)

I'm glad you got to see your son. I hope he's able to relax more and get to know you the more visits you two have.


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