# i did it



## nocturnal33 (Aug 25, 2009)

I've been a FA for quite honestly as long as I can remember. However, its literally been a secret of mine for nearly as long. Growing up I would always admire fully figured women, and fantasize about beautiful thin ones filling out. I'm 33 years old, I married a woman who is 5'10" and a one time model/college athlete. More than once she was told she cornered by total strangers that she was Ashley Judd. She is stunningly beautiful and even within the realm of the FA she garnders neck whipping second glances. I fell in love with her for her personality, and her heart. She truly is the most beautiful woman I've ever encountered in my life and her smile melts me even after 10 years of marriage. The way we have fallen hopelessly and completely in love with one another is to such an extent our friends get sick just looking at us for the horrendously loving sap that i am. However, being 5'10" her weight never eclipsed 130 pounds and of course the FA in me has always had to deal with that. 
Secretly I always wished for her to let go a bit, not even drastically. 10 pounds, maybe even 15. I loved her and always will, so I opted not to bring it up, just endlessly lurk on sites like this as I have since high school. 
Then she acquired a full time nursing position. Erratic schedule, always on the go, meals via drive through, sleeping whenever. Little by little it started to catch up. I'm steadfast in the belief that due to her elastic scrubs the weight she ever so slowly began to accumulate wasn't noticed until it became blatantly obvious that her typical Victoria secret sizes just weren't cutting it. 
At her last physical she is now 160. Mind you not exactly the ideal around these parts, but for me a childhood fantasy coming true. Little by little over the past 2 years she is "literally" bottoming out. Still the slight arms, and the most pristine little neck hold her beautifully sculpted head and face but from the waist down it was more than obvious things were giving in to age and lifestyle. I was terrified. I wanted this more than anything, but wasn't sure at what expense. If she wasn't happy was it worth it? Can I convince her to let go and I love her just the same if not (somehow)possibly even more? Is she okay with it? Was I? had absolutely no clue how to address it, I convinced myself it was the most taboo subject imaginable and allowed it to build and build to the point that I noticed myself making the most ridiculous and moronic small talk when I caught myself admiring her thighs. 
We both grew up in an environment where "fat" was a dirty word. Her aunt is morbidly obese, her mother is well on her way to 300 pounds, she was terrified of following suit, and now here she is in the midst of the very thing happening to her as well. No, I certainly don't want her immobile, no I don't want her to be miserable, no I don't want our relationship to suffer because of my inner turmoil that I've buried for all of these years. Yet so much of me was eating away at myself wanting to confess my desire for her to give into it. 
My personal "ideal" FA tastes have always been in the heavily think, if not barely plump department. The super defined hourglass figure if you will with the excessive wide hips. The very thing my wife was now attaining. The old saying of "be careful what you wish for" kept repeating itself over and over in my head each time I watched her wear her bikini down in Florida this past summer, and every single time I watch her climb into and out of the shower. 
I just did all I could to "play it cool", don't be an idiot. Follow her lead, and let her tell you what she wants/needs to do.
Then the voice came back again, 
"fuck it, you're a grown man, when are you going to have an opportunity like this again? You have a obligation to every single closeted FA out there and especially yourself to take full advantage of a time like this. So what if she feels she has to stop the gain and lose the weight. You have to let her know."
And I gave in.
We're laying in bed not more than 17 hours previous to this very moment as i'm typing this. Making out, enjoying the silence being our child is staying with the grandparents. She rolls over atop me and asks, "what would you like me to do?"
The rush of layer old pubescent panic overwhelmed me. Her fattened thighs were taunting me like this, spreading out over my torso, enticing me in oh so many ways and on top of that she is asking me a loaded question like this. I realize that her perspective isn't anything remotely in the grandiose scheme of things. Definitely more of a here and now sort of request, but I break from this boundary and ask her back.
"Anything?"

"yes, absolutely anything, my love."

See, right there, my god, she called me "her love". That settled it, I sucked it up and like a 14 year old with a cracking voice crossing the gym floor asking for that first dance from the girl you're crushing on in study hall I went for it.'

"Stop dieting."

She laughed and then soon realized I wasn't kidding.

"You're serious?"

"Absolutely".

With that she placed both of her hands at the rounded base of both of her hips and gave them a concerned look.

She replied back......."for you, okay."

Right then I felt like I was finally "out" and the secret was no more and a sense of relief and jubilation overwhelmed me.

Now, i'm a realist, i know that this could all have been an "in the moment lustful decision on her part", i'm no fool. But this morning as we ate breakfast she asked for more sausage and winked at me and i haven't stopped smiling since and had butterflies all day. 

Tomorrow i'm making pancakes.



Thank god for a site like this.

--me (a.k.a. Nocturnal)


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## Hole (Aug 25, 2009)

nocturnal33 said:


> I've been a FA for quite honestly as long as I can remember. However, its literally been a secret of mine for nearly as long. Growing up I would always admire fully figured women, and fantasize about beautiful thin ones filling out. I'm 33 years old, I married a woman who is 5'10" and a one time model/college athlete. More than once she was told she cornered by total strangers that she was Ashley Judd. She is stunningly beautiful and even within the realm of the FA she garnders neck whipping second glances. I fell in love with her for her personality, and her heart. She truly is the most beautiful woman I've ever encountered in my life and her smile melts me even after 10 years of marriage. The way we have fallen hopelessly and completely in love with one another is to such an extent our friends get sick just looking at us for the horrendously loving sap that i am. However, being 5'10" her weight never eclipsed 130 pounds and of course the FA in me has always had to deal with that.
> Secretly I always wished for her to let go a bit, not even drastically. 10 pounds, maybe even 15. I loved her and always will, so I opted not to bring it up, just endlessly lurk on sites like this as I have since high school.
> Then she acquired a full time nursing position. Erratic schedule, always on the go, meals via drive through, sleeping whenever. Little by little it started to catch up. I'm steadfast in the belief that due to her elastic scrubs the weight she ever so slowly began to accumulate wasn't noticed until it became blatantly obvious that her typical Victoria secret sizes just weren't cutting it.
> At her last physical she is now 160. Mind you not exactly the ideal around these parts, but for me a childhood fantasy coming true. Little by little over the past 2 years she is "literally" bottoming out. Still the slight arms, and the most pristine little neck hold her beautifully sculpted head and face but from the waist down it was more than obvious things were giving in to age and lifestyle. I was terrified. I wanted this more than anything, but wasn't sure at what expense. If she wasn't happy was it worth it? Can I convince her to let go and I love her just the same if not (somehow)possibly even more? Is she okay with it? Was I? had absolutely no clue how to address it, I convinced myself it was the most taboo subject imaginable and allowed it to build and build to the point that I noticed myself making the most ridiculous and moronic small talk when I caught myself admiring her thighs.
> ...



Aw this was so lovely to read.:wubu: Congrats!


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## Tracii (Aug 26, 2009)

This story made me cry that is just so sweet.What a lovely woman.
Get her to look at this site and maybe just maybe she will join.
That was a great story very touching.


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## mossystate (Aug 26, 2009)

So sorry she has lost an inch in height, and is 10 pounds down from her 170.


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## mergirl (Aug 26, 2009)

mossystate said:


> So sorry she has lost an inch in height, and is 10 pounds down from her 170.


oh Mossy, you observent thang you, ruining all the fantasy!!! lmao
You should change your name to 'observent'. 
vant? vent?..hmmm aye.


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## nocturnal33 (Aug 26, 2009)

what do you mean she lost an inch? i don't recall her shrinking any, perhaps i should ask her.


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## mergirl (Aug 26, 2009)

nocturnal33 said:


> what do you mean she lost an inch? i don't recall her shrinking any, perhaps i should ask her.


Don't worry, its only important if YOU lose an inch!!


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## JoyJoy (Aug 26, 2009)




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## nocturnal33 (Aug 27, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Don't worry, its only important if YOU lose an inch!!





honestly, i think it would bother _*HER*_ more.


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## mergirl (Aug 27, 2009)

nocturnal33 said:


> honestly, i think it would bother _*HER*_ more.


Yes indeed.


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## daddyoh70 (Aug 27, 2009)

There you ladies go, circling the wagons again 

http://dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=687523&postcount=308


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Aug 28, 2009)

What does that expression mean anyway?


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## mergirl (Aug 28, 2009)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> What does that expression mean anyway?


http://dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=687523&postcount=308

He showed you in stealth mode. Interesting!


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## frankman (Aug 28, 2009)

mergirl said:


> http://dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=687523&postcount=308
> 
> He showed you in stealth mode. Interesting!



That's an incredibly silly post in that link.


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## frankman (Aug 28, 2009)

nocturnal33 said:


> what do you mean she lost an inch? i don't recall her shrinking any, perhaps i should ask her.



This is what she means:
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1066061&postcount=37

I know, I know, it's spoiling the fun, and i should have left him digging an even bigger digital grave, but it hurts my brain seeing him defending his fantasy.

Mossy, how do you even remember all these posts? It's an incredible feat, albeit a little scary.


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## mergirl (Aug 28, 2009)

frankman said:


> This is what she means:
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1066061&postcount=37
> 
> I know, I know, it's spoiling the fun, and i should have left him digging an even bigger digital grave, but it hurts my brain seeing him defending his fantasy.
> ...


She is the rainman of fantasy bursting!


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## frankman (Aug 28, 2009)

mergirl said:


> She is the rainman of fantasy bursting!



I feel a Rosa Parks joke coming up...


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## nocturnal33 (Aug 31, 2009)

mossystate said:


> So sorry she has lost an inch in height, and is 10 pounds down from her 170.




I'm sorry, but a typo of mine from way back when dosen't exclude the fact that i'm not a liar anymore than it proves you've made some sort of point. Yes, my wife is 5'10" not, 5'11', my apologies for the editing deparment missing that one. And yes my wife is still around 160 with her highest weight at one time being 170 i was told. 

I wrote this to express a wonderful breakthrough in my life and my relationship with the woman I love; just wanted to share it with other like minded people in a place like that of supposed open mindedness and acceptance.


Perhaps one day your husband can write about you?

:kiss2::wubu:


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## frankman (Aug 31, 2009)

nocturnal33 said:


> I'm sorry, but a typo of mine from way back when dosen't exclude the fact that i'm not a liar anymore than it proves you've made some sort of point. Yes, my wife is 5'10" not, 5'11', my apologies for the editing deparment missing that one. And yes my wife is still around 160 with her highest weight at one time being 170 i was told.
> 
> I wrote this to express a wonderful breakthrough in my life and my relationship with the woman I love; just wanted to share it with other like minded people in a place like that of supposed open mindedness and acceptance.
> 
> ...



I have no husband. 

I just wanted to share this fact with like-minded people in this safe haven of open mindedness and acceptance.

But if I had one, I'd be damn pissed if he made up stories about me, getting my length and weight wrong in virtual conversations on some forum filled with people I don't know anything about. 

But that's just me.


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## nocturnal33 (Sep 1, 2009)

color me "surprised"


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## bspaakk (Sep 2, 2009)

I have no idea whether the original poster is telling the truth or not, but I'm puzzled by the reaction here. As a reader, you've got four basic choices:

1) Take the poster's message at face value, and assume the discrepancies were honest errors.

2) Point out the discrepancies in good faith and give the poster a chance to explain them (or not).

3) Write off the poster as a crank and ignore him.

4) Be snarky and mean.

Maybe going with the fourth option makes the site more fun. It seems unnecessarily harsh and negative to me, though.


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## JoyJoy (Sep 2, 2009)

Are you the same nocturnal who has frequented the chat rooms here for several years?


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## snuggletiger (Sep 2, 2009)

JoyJoy said:


>



I love this laughing doggie


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## Jay West Coast (Sep 2, 2009)

bspaakk said:


> I have no idea whether the original poster is telling the truth or not, but I'm puzzled by the reaction here. As a reader, you've got four basic choices:
> 
> 1) Take the poster's message at face value, and assume the discrepancies were honest errors.
> 
> ...



Exactly. I thought the story was really well-written. It might even be just a vignette he's put together to synopsize his 8 years of marriage. Making insinuations based on one inch and ten pounds seems unfair, especially given the context. 

Nocturnal: Thanks for posting that. You don't just owe it to closeted FA's, to non-closeted FA's (especially), or to your partner (even more especially). You owe it to yourself at 33 years old to take advantage of the wonderful way that you are. There is no reason you shouldn't have frank and open communication about your sexuality within the context of marriage. Sounds like the best part is yet to come. Way to go; congrats.


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## LillyBBBW (Sep 2, 2009)

nocturnal33 said:


> I've been a FA for quite honestly as long as I can remember. However, its literally been a secret of mine for nearly as long. Growing up I would always admire fully figured women, and fantasize about beautiful thin ones filling out. I'm 33 years old, I married a woman who is 5'10" and a one time model/college athlete. More than once she was told she cornered by total strangers that she was Ashley Judd. She is stunningly beautiful and even within the realm of the FA she garnders neck whipping second glances. I fell in love with her for her personality, and her heart. She truly is the most beautiful woman I've ever encountered in my life and her smile melts me even after 10 years of marriage. The way we have fallen hopelessly and completely in love with one another is to such an extent our friends get sick just looking at us for the horrendously loving sap that i am. However, being 5'10" her weight never eclipsed 130 pounds and of course the FA in me has always had to deal with that.
> Secretly I always wished for her to let go a bit, not even drastically. 10 pounds, maybe even 15. I loved her and always will, so I opted not to bring it up, just endlessly lurk on sites like this as I have since high school.
> Then she acquired a full time nursing position. Erratic schedule, always on the go, meals via drive through, sleeping whenever. Little by little it started to catch up. I'm steadfast in the belief that due to her elastic scrubs the weight she ever so slowly began to accumulate wasn't noticed until it became blatantly obvious that her typical Victoria secret sizes just weren't cutting it.
> At her last physical she is now 160. Mind you not exactly the ideal around these parts, but for me a childhood fantasy coming true. Little by little over the past 2 years she is "literally" bottoming out. Still the slight arms, and the most pristine little neck hold her beautifully sculpted head and face but from the waist down it was more than obvious things were giving in to age and lifestyle. I was terrified. I wanted this more than anything, but wasn't sure at what expense. If she wasn't happy was it worth it? Can I convince her to let go and I love her just the same if not (somehow)possibly even more? Is she okay with it? Was I? had absolutely no clue how to address it, I convinced myself it was the most taboo subject imaginable and allowed it to build and build to the point that I noticed myself making the most ridiculous and moronic small talk when I caught myself admiring her thighs.
> ...



Wow. That was a great story nocturnal. I hope things go well for both of you.


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## fatgirl33 (Sep 29, 2009)

Yes, thank you for sharing this story with us. It is really wonderful to read experiences like this and we don't hear about enough of them. Congrats to your courageousness!

Brenda


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## sunnie1653 (Sep 29, 2009)

JoyJoy said:


> Are you the same nocturnal who has frequented the chat rooms here for several years?



I was wondering this very same thing, Joy.


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## rollhandler (Oct 6, 2009)

Congratulations on facing the fears and sharing your struggles and success.
May you have many happy years of marriage and continue communicating.
That was a well written story, thanks for posting. Maybe a closeted few will be able to take it to heart and communicate better with their SO as a result.
Rollhandler


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## jamartinjr (Oct 6, 2009)

This is why I lurk. That said...

About a year ago, I confessed to my wife of 7 years that I was an FA. She knew, but getting it out in the open was a huge relief. She is not a feedee or a gainer, but the last few years have seen a few kids and even more pounds, which is really awesome. Saturday night, I fed her brownies in the bedroom...

Honestly, I don't even know what she weighs, it doesn't matter to me (though she did announce this morning that she's gained 6 pounds in the last two weeks).

Now back to the snark free shadows.


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## GetASnack (Oct 7, 2009)

It's always fantastic to read about someone being honest and open with their partner and finding peace within themselves and reconciling their sexual self with the rest of their life. 

Even if someone just made the entire story up out of nothing, at least it's a sweet fantasy about an intimate, long term, sweet interaction between two loving parties, which is better than 99% of most fantasy (or reality for that matter). 

SO, in short, thanks for sharing the story, whether it be truth or fiction


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 7, 2009)

jamartinjr said:


> This is why I lurk. That said...
> 
> About a year ago, I confessed to my wife of 7 years that I was an FA. She knew, but getting it out in the open was a huge relief. She is not a feedee or a gainer, but the last few years have seen a few kids and even more pounds, which is really awesome. Saturday night, I fed her brownies in the bedroom...
> 
> ...



OMG, you terrible person. How inconsiderate of you to tell her. You FAs, always out for yourselves. I bet you squee with delight when she slips on a banana peel and her thighs jiggle as she goes down on her head. And the BROWNIES!!!  Sick, man. Just sick. /joke

On a more serious note, it always strikes me as peculiar that something like that can't just be said. 7 years? Wow. I've heard that most people worried so much about how people would react when it became known that they preferred bigger girls. Then once the cat was out of the bag it turned out to be not such a big deal afterall. I wonder if anyone after telling their mate/family/friends were surprised by the reaction. Was it better, worse or just as they imagined?


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## frankman (Oct 10, 2009)

jamartinjr said:


> This is why I lurk. That said...
> 
> About a year ago, I confessed to my wife of 7 years that I was an FA.[...]



You have a 7 year old wife?

:doh:


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## nocturnal33 (Apr 19, 2010)

This Saturday night last we're laying in bed, she is leafing through the bills updating the checkbook while i'm thumbing through the latest Rolling Stone trying to figure out why i should really care what Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas thinks about the status of music in the world today. 
We're in the usual bed time attire, i'm in boxers and a t, she is wearing one of my old band tshirts and nothing but panties below. This catches my one for one of a number of reasons; one being i'm a guy and any time flesh is apparent we can't help but look. Secondly its obviously no longer winter as she isn't in her giant thick pajamas pants being she is always freezing regardless of the time of year and even moreso when snow is on the ground. At it was precisely then that I noticed it, at this time last year her that i remember plain as day, the top of her panties were concave. The outer edges of this along her hips only rested on just that, her hip bones. There was a concave stomach beneath them and the only tension was that of the points of her pelvic bone. But now it was different. Very noticiably different. It bowed _outward_. Honest to god a small belly has formed and is actually pushing the waist of her underware out!
I knew that the changes were already occuring, the dimples were beginging to form along her thighs for a few months now, her morning and evening jogs had slowly faded into just evening walks. She hasn't stopped her lightweight lifting regimine, she still excersizes regularly like clockwork. However, the calories are what's different and what once held the pounds at bay is now giving way to weight gain. 
Now i have absolutely no idea whatsoever the number is, i know for a fact she hasn't been near the scale in monts. I know because its in my bathroom, and its been put back in the towel closet where its been undisturbed since i buried it. But its obvious the changes are there. She won't give in and buy larger size jeans so they haven't been touched in probably just as long. Working as a nurse the scrubs allow her the ability to wear things that are tolerable when gaining wait, also hides it considerably being her new belly was for the most part totally oblivious to me. 
She can't go to sleep without a chocolate milk, she can't start her day without a diet coke. With her erratic schedule at the hospital her eating is sometimes substituted for missed sleep so when she is exhasuted she'll double up on a caffiene filled drink and when she finally makes it home she crashes for hours on end. Still, she does her walks and lifts her weights, but little by little the weight is still creeping up on her. Her ribs are no longer visible from across the room and the saddle bags are more and more apparent. She has complained how out of shape she is becoming which seems to drive her more into her workout regimen but at the same time her diet is what is obviously overwhelming what calories she does burn off. 
There is no doubt that she is still adhering to my request, what she eats is obviously not on any sort of trendy diet of the moment fad, its what she wants. I've noticed boxes of ice cream sandwiches are always in the freezer, the cookie jar is never emptied for more than a day or two at most. Everything gets extra cheese now, and nothing ever goes by not being supersized. 


Its finally happening, my wife is turing fat, and i've never been a more nervous wreck in my life. Butterlflies overwhelm me when i actually sit back and contemplate it, im' terrified, i'm elated, i'm turned on like a 15 year old full of hormones, and i'm scarred to death she'll eventually resent me for it.

The old addage is indeed true, be careful what you wish for.


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## nocturnal33 (May 24, 2010)

this morning i'm laying in bed watching the latest news on CNN, she gets up and shifts her legs onto the floor and walks to the bathroom to get herself ready. 
She officially now, has _*saddlebags.*_
I instantly froze, and was dumbfounded. I suddenly became totally oblivious to anything other than the movement of her form. The cellulite; it was there, it was undeniable, she had cellulite. Never in her life could she have imagined that this would develop. She was a relentless gym rat for the 5 years we dated well into the additional 8 after we were married. The two folds of skin that now formed on either side were just overwhelmingly blatant. From behind she is just simply becoming more and more ridiculously dis-porportionate. 
My eyes traveled from the small of her back down to her calves and it is jsut so amazingly apparent in how much thicker her legs have become. I was embarrassingly mezmerized at the motion of the fat. You could see that her muscles had one rhythm as she took a step and the fat had its own just a single beat behind. That was the most shocking thing texture wise to become accustomed too, the looseness of it. For so many years her legs were hard and firm and rock solid. I know the muscles are still there,i can feel them, but now they are becoming more and more hidden from the amout of fat being piled upon them. I can grab handfulls of hips and its shifts several inches in any direction, its loose, its malleable definition is awe inspiring. I just simply gawk like a fool when i see her sit down now at the way it just spreads outward several inches in opposite directions. 
Yet still, she fights it. She obviously isn't enjoying it; but all the same she is giving in, the struggle in a feigning one. Comments like, "this is just horrible, i need stop eating" are nearly instantly followed with yet something else fattening into her mouth. "i'm going to start jogging more" just never happens and she has another ice cream sandwich. As i said before, she still does her aerobics, she is still quite active, her nursing position keeps her on her feet for 14 hours at a time but the intake keeps steady, the calories are extensive, the weight keeps climbing. Even today i noticed that last night she made a special trip to the store to get a bag of Oreo's even after the grocery shopping was already done 2 days ago. This paradox of hers must be maddening to endure, work out regularly yet consume everything you want whatever, whenever. As a result, i'm in purgatory.


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## imfree (May 24, 2010)

mergirl said:


> Don't worry, its only important if YOU lose an inch!!



Sorry I couldn't Rep you for that one!
(Hahahaha!!!, it was sure funny enough!)


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## nocturnal33 (May 26, 2010)

i have honestly no idea what you are talking about


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## LillyBBBW (May 27, 2010)

nocturnal33 said:


> i have honestly no idea what you are talking about



It seems you may have posted about your wife/girlfriend somewhere else on this board. In that post the height was maybe an inch different than in this one and you either added or subtracted ten pounds from her weight in this post than in the other. People are really into numbers here and if you deviate at all from stories told previously your motives are suspect.


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## Mies (May 27, 2010)

Erotic Weight Gain subforum: This forum is for use by those interested in all areas of weight gain, feeding and topics directly related to those things. The forum is for positive contributions and participation. In other words, if you have nothing good to say about a topic, or constructive/related pro-topic conversation to add, then you should not be posting and any such posts will be removed or edited as appropriate. Repeat offenders may lose access to this board.


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