# GoBettiePurple's Size Acceptance Thread



## gobettiepurple (Nov 23, 2010)

I have decided to write a quick post, which I happen to know for a fact that no one will read, as was the fate of other perfectly well-written posts [imho] about what I have learned about the size acceptance movement as part of my project for a certain posters' sage advice to a newbie.

I have learned quite a bit in my time on Dims. Part of what I have learned is deeply personal, and thus I WOULD NEVER share in such a public forum.

But other things have come to light that are very enlightening or just plain entertaining. 

I have learned the power of perspective and perception - that there is a difference between the two and its a distinction that is worth noting.

I have also learned that the acceptance of one's body must come from within and cannot be dictated or influenced by an outside party, such as a loved one.

I have also learned that the "mean girls" mentality is not something that is restricted to skinny bitches in high school. It can happen in real life and without provocation.

I have learned that I really like being myself, whatever form or size that might be - oh wait, I didn't need Dims to tell me that. I needed Dims to tell me that other people are in the same boat, being controversial and contrary to some of societies' mores.

I have learned that my opinion, however small or trivial matters - and some people take joy in sharing a plethora of different opinions. 

I have learned that size acceptance isn't about "fat" - its about embracing your body and being healthy in mind, body and spirit regardless of societies' strictures regarding the ideal form of beauty.

[thinly veiled sarcasm aside, lots of you out there in Dims land really helped bring these points home for me - so thanks ]



Well, Dims, thanks for listening and participating in my DEEPLY PERSONAL JOURNEY TOWARD SELF DISCOVERY. I think thats a good start. I am sure I will hear more from my so-called "instructor". Or really, aren't we all each others instructors in the classroom of life . . . okay, that was over the top even for me lol. Oh, and here's the bow that several people have requested in pm and rep form: :blush:


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## spiritangel (Nov 24, 2010)

Gobettie I have always liked you from first meeting you on the boards you are an Intelligent, emotionally smart young woman and I think your awesome 

the above post cements this as I have repped you recently I am unable to again and this post deserves it 


we all have something to learn from each other even the most stubborn brick walls have something to teach us even if it is just infinate patience and compassion after all being a brick wall can get tiresome and lonely.

Hugs


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## CastingPearls (Nov 24, 2010)

Well, you're wrong about one thing. So far two people have read it. LOL

I'd like to see you post more often and while I know that having posts ignored stings, you can probably tell by my post count that it's never even slowed me down.


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## fatgirlflyin (Nov 24, 2010)

Bettie, you're still fairly new around here and sometimes this place can be a bitch to find your footing in. Stick around, keep posting, and eventually you will find that you will get more and more responses to your posts! I don't post a whole lot around here anymore but I do read fairly regularly and I've always enjoyed reading what you write.


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## gobettiepurple (Nov 24, 2010)

fatgirlflyin said:


> Bettie, you're still fairly new around here and sometimes this place can be a bitch to find your footing in. Stick around, keep posting, and eventually you will find that you will get more and more responses to your posts! I don't post a whole lot around here anymore but I do read fairly regularly and I've always enjoyed reading what you write.



Thanks doll . . . It's not that I am whining about no one reading my post. It is because someone personally attacked me as being a man-hunting fake, and that really irritates me. I think when people take this board a little too seriously and start believing that it is real life, that people like myself [and others] get singled out. 

I don't post that often because I have a life, and the fact that someone said something that makes me feel the need to justify myself is tantamount to bullying in my book. 

I appreciate your kind words fatgirlflyin and I am sure there are those that are annoyed at this whole thing. Well, suffice to say that part of my size acceptance journey has been to start standing up for myself and others who I feel are being tramped upon. 

But alas, part of me likes to fan the fires for a good show, and part of me is like I am over all the BS. That's why I am still here and I will probably continue to be here. In some ways, this place is refreshing and in other ways its a trainwreck I just can't look away from.


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## Jes (Nov 25, 2010)

gobettiepurple said:


> In some ways, this place is refreshing and in other ways its a trainwreck I just can't look away from.



"I am interested in your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter!"


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## superodalisque (Nov 26, 2010)

i like it that you have your own opinion. i even like it when its different from mine because it means i'll be challenged. what i really like though is your ability to do that without trying to diminish others. and yes this board can be and often is very catty and negative than open and self exploring. but then again there are times when something wonderful can happen. keep on trucking and say what your opinion is honestly. don't kowtow to the rules of being a fat woman mavens who think they have a handle on the right way to be a fat woman for everyone. keep being your own person. be true to yourself no matter what that is. anything that won't accept you being you isn't worth it. always being right or perfect shouldn't be the goal here anyway. thats what got a lot of women in the self hating box in the first place.


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## gobettiepurple (Nov 26, 2010)

Jes said:


> "I am interested in your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter!"





superodalisque said:


> i like it that you have your own opinion. i even like it when its different from mine because it means i'll be challenged. what i really like though is your ability to do that without trying to diminish others. and yes this board can be and often is very catty and negative than open and self exploring. but then again there are times when something wonderful can happen. keep on trucking and say what your opinion is honestly. don't kowtow to the rules of being a fat woman mavens who think they have a handle on the right way to be a fat woman for everyone. keep being your own person. be true to yourself no matter what that is. anything that won't accept you being you isn't worth it. always being right or perfect shouldn't be the goal here anyway. thats what got a lot of women in the self hating box in the first place.



I think, having grown up in the land of tolerance, aka california, that it comes easier to me than most people - that is, having an opinion without blasting someone else's. Also, having had experiences that put me in contact with very conservative [and i mean the very right tip of the spectrum] populations as well as very liberal populations [specifically on the topic of religion and politics] makes me very keen on finding harmony between the two. I also love to argue, and for those of you who know me personally or even on the boards, sometimes I tend to want to play "devil's advocate" to somone's point of view - I enjoy discourse, intrigue and debate, so it only makes sense. 

I also think it is possible to have healthy discourse without all the name calling and lashing out that most debates seems to spiral into out of the denegration of someone else's supposed lack of understand of the other's point of view. I myself like to be as fully informed as possible in making any sort of judgement call or decision, however minute it might seem.

Thank you to the two previous posters as well. Sometimes I think I should start a blog, but then again I have no specific inclination towards a subject and the idea of real work startles me into remembering that at my simpliest, I am a simple person that would like to be free of certain obligations.  Plus, I know for a fact that no one will read it, as I tend to be insufferable and obnoxious when left to my own rambling devices.


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## CastingPearls (Nov 26, 2010)

gobettiepurple said:


> I think, having grown up in the land of tolerance, aka california, that it comes easier to me than most people - that is, having an opinion without blasting someone else's.
> 
> 
> . Sometimes I think I should start a blog, but then again I have no specific inclination towards a subject and the idea of real work startles me into remembering that at my simpliest, I am a simple person that would like to be free of certain obligations.  Plus, I know for a fact that no one will read it, as I tend to be insufferable and obnoxious when left to my own rambling devices.



Yeah, but to play devil's advocate, I think the person with whom you were arguing with is also from the 'land of tolerance' and my impression as an outsider (from Jersey, no less) is that many many Californians like to preach tolerance while simultaneously being some of the most intolerant people I've encountered. Not all or even most but it does stand out in my mind because it's often crowed about much like my native homestate's 'attitude' reputation. 

Also, regarding a blog, much of what you stated about yourself applies to me and that still hasn't stopped me. LOL There's no obligation to crank out on a schedule and I write about basically nothing so no theme or subject is really necessary. It would be your blog to do with what you will. You make your own rules.


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## gobettiepurple (Nov 26, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Yeah, but to play devil's advocate, I think the person with whom you were arguing with is also from the 'land of tolerance' and my impression as an outsider (from Jersey, no less) is that many many Californians like to preach tolerance while simultaneously being some of the most intolerant people I've encountered. Not all or even most but it does stand out in my mind because it's often crowed about much like my native homestate's 'attitude' reputation.
> 
> Also, regarding a blog, much of what you stated about yourself applies to me and that still hasn't stopped me. LOL There's no obligation to crank out on a schedule and I write about basically noting so no theme is necessary. It would be your blog to do with what you will. You make your own rules.



I agree with you on the point about californians - perhaps its an issue with the prinicple "do as I say not as I do" which infuriates me to no end. I don't really "preach" anything, but I believe that people are entitled to their own opinion - [and while most people would put a qualifying statement on the end, such as "however misguided or stupid it may be." The problem I have with that involves the idea that someone else feels the need to judge someone else's opinion: who are we to judge the validity or veracity of any statement that someone else holds true. There is very little absolute truth in this world, and I do not want to impede someone's ideas just because I have a different understanding of what my ultimate truth is and how to apply it to my life. 

And regardinga blog . . . even the fact that rules are necessary to do something makes me skin crawl . . . because, as stated in several other posts and owning to consistency, I have a habit of going overboard, and thus I can already see me in the future taking myself way to seriously. I like sticking with simplicisty and keeping myself out of trouble.


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## Saoirse (Nov 26, 2010)

omg love it. all of it.

im just gonna die from laughing!


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## gobettiepurple (Nov 27, 2010)

Saoirse said:


> omg love it. all of it.
> 
> im just gonna die from laughing!



right back at you, I think.


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## thirtiesgirl (Nov 27, 2010)

gobettiepurple said:


> Thanks doll . . . It's not that I am whining about no one reading my post. It is because someone personally attacked me as being a man-hunting fake, and that really irritates me. I think when people take this board a little too seriously and start believing that it is real life, that people like myself [and others] get singled out.



Bettie, I did not attack you as a man-hunting fake. If you feel that way, those feelings are yours and I'd hope that you'd be mature enough to own up to them. No one can cause you to feel a certain way if the feelings weren't already there in the first place. If you feel the need to justify yourself, again, that's all yours. Own your feelings and don't blame them on others. That's part of becoming a mature, well-rounded human being.

It's obvious that what I wrote about Mermaid's reasons for being here upset you (so much so, that you've created a whole new thread about it). As I wrote in that other thread, I don't think Mermaid was necessarily wrong for being here for male attention, since I've done the same thing myself on other forums and bulletin boards in my younger years. I understand the need, since it's a need I once had myself. The only reason I can see that my opinion about Mermaid upset you is that you're afraid people will assume the same thing about you. Again, Bettie, those are _your_ feelings and have nothing to do with what I wrote about Mermaid...other than the fact that you identify with them and felt upset that you did.

As I wrote in the other thread, I'd like to see you post more because I think you have a lot to offer. I also think you're young and still learning, and that fat acceptance/self acceptance is a journey that never ends. I don't think we ever reach a point where we can say to ourselves, "I'm perfectly happy and content now; I love myself for who I am; I'll never have an issue with fat acceptance again." Those things may be true for a period of time, and it's wonderful when we're in that state of mind. But then something else will happen that knocks us on our ass, makes us question ourselves, brings up those negative self-talk messages about our appearance. And it's how we handle ourselves in those moments, how we deal with the negative self-talk when it floats up again, that really tells us how far we've come on our journey, how accepting of ourselves we _really_ are.

I still have my moments when I slide down into the abyss of self-hatred and try to blame my negative feelings on others. But I have them a lot less then I used to because I've done a lot of work on myself. When I overhear people saying negative things about my appearance, hating on fat people in general, or looking askance at me when I return to the buffet line for another plate...or anything that could set off my negative thought process... I acknowledge and recognize my own feelings, don't blame them on others, and work on getting past them by using positive self-talk. Most of the time, I'm successful. Not always. Sometimes the negativity takes over and I fall back on self-hatred and anger. But because it's something I have a lot of opportunity to put into practice, I've gotten better at it over the years and therefore, more successful. In my experience, that's where personal strength and self-love come from: the ability to recognize and accept your own feelings and deal with them in healthy ways.


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## lovelocs (Nov 27, 2010)

Wow.

Really?


Thirtiesgirl, it may seem as if you are being singled out for negative attention, and that we're harping on you. Or maybe you're aware of what you're doing, and and it's effects, and you just don't care. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and tell you point blank that a lot of things that you do are hurtful to people. I am not going to resort to name calling or labeling, but I will give you some examples:

1. You talked about mermaid's activities on other boards. First off, who are you to mention other people's activities on other boards, and what they're posting. The fact that you would keep track of someone's business like that seems stalkerish. (I don't know if I've met anyone else from DIMS in cyberspace, and if I did, I would not consider it my business to read and evaluate their posts, and use it later to discredit their Dimensions activities). That's too damn much work for something that's not even my business. And yes, this is what you did with mermaid's posts.

2. The fact that you would recap personal conversations and present them openly here is also problematic. We who were not there (the vast majority of us) have nothing to compare it to, and no way to refute the charges. I don't know these persons except for their posts, and what you've written about them, and one of them isn't even here to defend herself anymore. All we are left with is the negativity you've left in the air. That's gossip. You've basically just thrown garbage in my mind. Thanks. 

3. You speak of the "theories" of size acceptance as if it's some sort of religion or social theory that we all have to follow, along an established timetable, in order to get to where you are, and have the right to post. I've never really studied size acceptance, I've never really felt the need to. My body works for me when I work for it (meaning adequate rest, exercise and nutrition) and the only time I really ever dislike my size is when I come across a nice piece of clothing I can't get into. I recognize that there are realities, and it has some effects when I am looking for a man, a job, a place to stay, or even friendships. But so does my skin color and my gender. And I never needed to studyup to be black, or a woman. I work within and expand and fight against those realities every day. I don't need to studyup to be fat. 

There's more, but really, I'm done for now. When I try to dissect the tone you use in your posts, it comes across as name calling, and I don't want to do that. I guess what I want to say is: other people than you are fat. Other people may "do fat differently" than you. They could be fatactivist, fatstudious, fatsexy or just fat. They may be a combination of those, or other that I haven't thought of. It doesn't necessarily make them any less socially conscious, or evolved, or any less human and deserving of considerate treatment. They are all going to post here. I personally am a combination of fatsexy and fatstudious, and I'm going to post here, too.


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## gobettiepurple (Nov 27, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Bettie, I did not attack you as a man-hunting fake. If you feel that way, those feelings are yours and I'd hope that you'd be mature enough to own up to them. No one can cause you to feel a certain way if the feelings weren't already there in the first place. If you feel the need to justify yourself, again, that's all yours. Own your feelings and don't blame them on others. That's part of becoming a mature, well-rounded human being.
> 
> It's obvious that what I wrote about Mermaid's reasons for being here upset you (so much so, that you've created a whole new thread about it). As I wrote in that other thread, I don't think Mermaid was necessarily wrong for being here for male attention, since I've done the same thing myself on other forums and bulletin boards in my younger years. I understand the need, since it's a need I once had myself. The only reason I can see that my opinion about Mermaid upset you is that you're afraid people will assume the same thing about you. Again, Bettie, those are _your_ feelings and have nothing to do with what I wrote about Mermaid...other than the fact that you identify with them and felt upset that you did.
> 
> ...



You know, I am so over you at this point - I know exactly what you are doing and I will not be lured into a cyber fight with you.

Just know that you picked the wrong girl to have an intellectual war with. There are sooooooo many things I could say to you right now, to your face or in this thread, but like I said before, I am first and foremost a lady and I do not personally attack people. Suffice to say that while this thread was supposed to be a positive affirmation of all the things I have learned from my many dims teachers, you have managed in one post to denegrate all of it and once again make everything about you and some BS that happened in some other post.

I personally don't want to continue this discourse with you, so in the future, if you would like to post something positive in "GoBettiePurple's Size Acceptance Thread" you are welcome to of course. But if the little I know of you is correct, you will continue to try and bait me into a corner. And I do not work that way.

I would ask the mods to edit out your post, because I think many of us who actually responded to this thread would agree that it goes against the positive energy that the thread was supposed to evoke, but then again you are entitled to your own opinion and it is a free country. I also hate when things are deleted, as they mess up the natural progression of conversation


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## superodalisque (Nov 27, 2010)

friendly suggestion to all parties: if there is someone you just can't deal with don't. put them on ignore and keep going.


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## gobettiepurple (Nov 27, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> friendly suggestion to all parties: if there is someone you just can't deal with don't. put them on ignore and keep going.



See, my problem with that super is that putting her on ignore is close to censorship, and everyone else can read the things she is saying. In my experience, knowledge is power - I would hate to NOT be able to read the things she says about me, if that makes any sense.

But you are right super, and I would like to personally apologize to you and those dims that have expressed frustration about situations such as these. The boards should be free of such muckraking, however, its sort of an inevitable situation when people of differing opinions butt heads.

So accept my apology for giving thirties an easy target: my large butt lol


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## thirtiesgirl (Nov 27, 2010)

lovelocs said:


> Thirtiesgirl, it may seem as if you are being singled out for negative attention, and that we're harping on you. Or maybe you're aware of what you're doing, and and it's effects, and you just don't care. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and tell you point blank that a lot of things that you do are hurtful to people.



Others may disagree with my opinions, but having a difference of opinions is not "hurtful to other people," aside from the fact that those who feel hurt that I don't agree with them are not taking ownership of their feelings.



lovelocs said:


> 1. You talked about mermaid's activities on other boards. First off, who are you to mention other people's activities on other boards, and what they're posting. The fact that you would keep track of someone's business like that seems stalkerish. (I don't know if I've met anyone else from DIMS in cyberspace, and if I did, I would not consider it my business to read and evaluate their posts, and use it later to discredit their Dimensions activities). That's too damn much work for something that's not even my business. And yes, this is what you did with mermaid's posts.



For the record, Mermaid's activities on another forum were mentioned in a third forum, separate from Dims, on which there are several Dims members. I'm a member of that third forum on which Mermaid's activities were discussed. Links to some of Mermaid's posts on the other forum were posted on the third forum, not by me, but by others. When I read those links, it became apparent that Mermaid was engaging in similar activity that she'd engaged in here, posting in a similar manner. It became apparent to me, and several others in the third forum (some of whom are, amusingly, defending Bettie's "righteous" anger at me and referring to me as 'intolerant' in this thread and others) that Mermaid wasn't really serious about participating in discussions about size acceptance, and her behavior was bemusedly discussed.

Point being, I haven't 'stalked' Mermaid's activities outside of Dims, but became aware of them through other Dims' members discussions about them on another forum. I haven't shared anything about Mermaid's activities that some other Dims members aren't aware of, and haven't said anything about her activities that haven't been said or implied by others.



lovelocs said:


> 2. The fact that you would recap personal conversations and present them openly here is also problematic. We who were not there (the vast majority of us) have nothing to compare it to, and no way to refute the charges. I don't know these persons except for their posts, and what you've written about them, and one of them isn't even here to defend herself anymore. All we are left with is the negativity you've left in the air. That's gossip. You've basically just thrown garbage in my mind. Thanks.



I have a right to defend myself and Bettie is welcome to refute anything I've written - which, as you notice, she hasn't done. What she _has_ done is call me a bully and a "mean girl," among other things, and engage in bullying behavior towards me with veiled threats and alienation. Bettie has stated openly that she'd like to call me a bitch, has written that I'm "fortunate" that she doesn't have time to refute my posts line by line (as if to imply that if she had the time, she'd certainly know how to make me feel _un_fortunate - a veiled threat if there ever was one), and that she wants to "throw down" with me. I haven't once engaged in any of the same behaviors. I haven't called her names, threatened her, alienated her or written anything that wasn't true. 

Bettie also has the added benefit of people who agree with her point of view and who will act as a support system to her (you being one of them) because she plays the Stepford Wife game of being nice on the surface, but behaving differently behind the scenes, the way many women here do. I don't have that support system here because I don't play the game. I don't feel it's necessary, and I never learned how from the women who were my role models when I was growing up. If anything, that makes _me_ the outsider and Bettie the "mean girl" who can stir up her 'posse' to further alienate the person they dislike and disagree with.

What I _have_ done here is call Bettie out on her shit and not taking ownership of her feelings. I know it's no fun and can be upsetting when someone does that to you, but it would not have happened if she hadn't chosen to express her anger in a very negative and hurtful way about something I wrote that was not even directed at her. I shared my opinion about _Mermaid's_ activities which, had Bettie not let her fear that people would assume the same thing about _her_ get the better of her, would not have turned into a confrontation.



lovelocs said:


> 3. You speak of the "theories" of size acceptance as if it's some sort of religion or social theory that we all have to follow, along an established timetable, in order to get to where you are, and have the right to post. I've never really studied size acceptance, I've never really felt the need to. My body works for me when I work for it (meaning adequate rest, exercise and nutrition) and the only time I really ever dislike my size is when I come across a nice piece of clothing I can't get into. I recognize that there are realities, and it has some effects when I am looking for a man, a job, a place to stay, or even friendships. But so does my skin color and my gender. And I never needed to studyup to be black, or a woman. I work within and expand and fight against those realities every day. I don't need to studyup to be fat.



My belief is, if you're going to be an advocate for size acceptance, you don't do it in half-assed measures. Being an advocate for size acceptance is different than being a fat person and sharing your own experience as a fat person, fat teen, etc. One's experiences as a fat person, person of color, transgendered person, etc, are uniquely their own, are valuable and should be shared with as many people as possible, should the fat person, person of color, etc, want to share them. Just sharing your experiences as a fat person, person of color, etc, however is NOT the same as being a size advocate, race advocate, transgender advocate. Sharing your experiences as a fat person can certainly _help_ in shedding light on size acceptance issues. But in my opinion, if you're going to call yourself a size activist, you need to have some knowledge of the tenets of size acceptance. I do because I've spent years educating myself by reading many different size acceptance blogs, books, forums, etc. I feel that others here haven't and while they may profess themselves to be size activists, I don't think they're quite there yet.




gobettiepurple said:


> You know, I am so over you at this point - I know exactly what you are doing and I will not be lured into a cyber fight with you.



Bettie, I'm really not trying to have a 'cyber fight' with you. As I wrote above, I haven't done any name calling, threatening or bullying, or tried to alienate you, while you've done all those things to me. What I did do was call you on your shit, which you don't like. 

To state the obvious yet again, I wrote about _Mermaid_, not about you. You let your fears that people would assume you're just a "man-hunting fake" control your actions and chose to respond to me in anger. I have done nothing here but defend myself against your name calling, alienation and threats. If you want to play the "who started it" game, I believe the fault would lie squarely at your feet, since you came after me first. That tells me that _you're_ far more interested in a fight than I am. 



gobettiepurple said:


> Just know that you picked the wrong girl to have an intellectual war with. There are sooooooo many things I could say to you right now, to your face or in this thread, but like I said before, I am first and foremost a lady and I do not personally attack people.



More veiled threats, Bettie? Quit playing nice, take off the gloves and say what you want to say. It doesn't worry me in the least. I know you'd like to think of yourself as some kind of word-smithing intellectual _femme fatale_, but in my estimation, you're about as _fatale_ as an after dinner mint. Say what you want to say and have done with it. I'm sure it will make you feel better and you'll find support from several members of your 'posse' who agree with you.


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