# FA Myths Thread #9



## Jon Blaze (Jun 28, 2011)

Hey folks. I decided to revive the weekly myths threads in response to personal misconceptions about it. Keep coming with your ideas in the suggestions thread. 

I will start with this myth:

*"All FAs lack self confidence or, and therefore stick to fat women out of desperation and low self esteem."*

Let's continue!


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## KHayes666 (Jun 28, 2011)

Total bullshit.

I dated thin girls no problem when I was younger, I was more attracted to larger ladies.


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 28, 2011)

My confidence ebbs and flows, but my preferences are probably the most stubborn and staunch viewpoints that I have. I'm confident enough in myself that I know what I'm attracted to, and I choose my partners accordingly.


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## KHayes666 (Jun 28, 2011)

Jon Blaze said:


> My confidence ebbs and flows, but my preferences are probably the most stubborn and staunch viewpoints that I have. I'm confident enough in myself that I know what I'm attracted to, and I choose my partners accordingly.



Has anyone ever told you that they dated larger women because they don't have the confidence to date smaller?


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 28, 2011)

KHayes666 said:


> Has anyone ever told you that they dated larger women because they don't have the confidence to date smaller?



Nope. I guess that would make sense if one is paranoid that smaller partners are more desirable to more people and they feel that means they are more likely to lose them, but that's a myth too. lol


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## kioewen (Jun 29, 2011)

Jon Blaze said:


> Hey folks. I decided to revive the weekly myths threads in response to personal misconceptions about it. Keep coming with your ideas in the suggestions thread.
> 
> I will start with this myth:
> 
> ...



The basis of this myth is so obviously flawed. If a FA lacks self-confidence, then obviously the type of girl he would pursue "out of desperation and low self-esteem" would be a thin girl, because in that case, he wouldn't be as attracted to her, and thus would act more blasé and confident around her, because he wouldn't really care if he succeeded with the girl or failed.

If a FA lacks self-confidence, then pursuing a full-figured girl is in fact the _gutsiest_ thing he can do, because she'll be most intimidating to him.


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## Tad (Jun 29, 2011)

kioewen said:


> The basis of this myth is so obviously flawed. If a FA lacks self-confidence, then obviously the type of girl he would pursue "out of desperation and low self-esteem" would be a thin girl, because in that case, he wouldn't be as attracted to her, and thus would act more blasé and confident around her, because he wouldn't really care if he succeeded with the girl or failed.
> 
> If a FA lacks self-confidence, then pursuing a full-figured girl is in fact the _gutsiest_ thing he can do, because she'll be most intimidating to him.



I think implied in this myth is that FA aren't actually more attracted to BBW, they are only with them because of their insecurities....so yah, your arguments, but body sizes lined up to more what society expects.


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## voluptuouslover (Jul 1, 2011)

I dont think its a self confidence thing at all. I always had great confidence, it's just that I have always liked Beautiful girls that were chubby or overweight and now prefer the same gorgeous women but much fatter yet. 

For myself during High school and even college days several of my friends never understood my decesion in women and made jokes about me being an under achiever in there eyes. Granted the girls I dated where always super cute and pretty just a bit chubby or fluffy but in my friends eyes they were pretty and pretty fat.

There was even several times when there were super hot skinny girls that made it known that they liked me and my closest friends would lay into me for not going out with them. I viewed them as pretty girls but they didn't attract me unless they suddenly gained a bunch of weight or I could fantasy about them gaining. I would prefer the pretty girl that already was chubbier to begin with.

So, I think that self confidence thing is a stereo type or generalization and not actually true. I have always found pretty girls that were chubbier more attractive and if they gained more weight it was always a plus. Now days I like women that are even much fatter then when I was younger and certainly have an appreciation for women of all sizes.


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## Webmaster (Jul 1, 2011)

Jon Blaze said:


> *"All FAs lack self confidence or, and therefore stick to fat women out of desperation and low self esteem."*



If that is so for some, then I pity them because they are missing out on so much.

To me, fat women have always been the desirable ones, the ones I felt drawn to, the ones I didn't know how to approach because my heart was pounding out of my chest and my IQ dropped 40 points for fear of making a fool of myself by saying the wrong thing. So, if anything, for me fat women were always the desirable fruit that seemed unattainable to me, not the low-lying one that no one else wanted.


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## kioewen (Jul 2, 2011)

Webmaster said:


> To me, fat women have always been the desirable ones, the ones I felt drawn to, the ones I didn't know how to approach because my heart was pounding out of my chest and my IQ dropped 40 points for fear of making a fool of myself by saying the wrong thing. So, if anything, for me fat women were always the desirable fruit that seemed unattainable to me, not the low-lying one that no one else wanted.



Yes, exactly. This is precisely what I was getting at.

For the genuine admirer of full-figured women, going after the _thin_ girls would be the act of low-self esteem or desperation, because they'd doing it after either having consistently struck out with the curvy girls whiom they really wanted, or they'd do it because they had success with the thin girls that they didn't have with the bigger girls, because they could be more blasé and nonchalant and indifferent (i.e, "Alpha" traits) around the skinny girls, which are qualities that (to the lasting dismay of any men) most women prefer, over intense interest.


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## nykspree8 (Jul 2, 2011)

I feel ugly so i only go for fat girls, IT'S TRUE!!!!!! I must go cut myself now...

I've never had a desire to ever try and wrangle myself a skinny chick, would just be a complete waste of time for the both of us.


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## Cors (Jul 2, 2011)

kioewen said:


> Yes, exactly. This is precisely what I was getting at.
> 
> For the genuine admirer of full-figured women, going after the _thin_ girls would be the act of low-self esteem or desperation, because they'd doing it after either having consistently struck out with the curvy girls whiom they really wanted, or they'd do it because they had success with the thin girls that they didn't have with the bigger girls, because they could be more blasé and nonchalant and indifferent (i.e, "Alpha" traits) around the skinny girls, which are qualities that (to the lasting dismay of any men) most women prefer, over intense interest.



While this makes sense and I can relate, I find it disturbing because it makes me wonder about the non-FAs who pursue fat girls "out of desperation and low self-esteem".


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## kioewen (Jul 3, 2011)

Cors said:


> While this makes sense and I can relate, I find it disturbing because it makes me wonder about the non-FAs who pursue fat girls "out of desperation and low self-esteem".



Yes, but isn't such a phenomenon just a subset of a basic truth about relationships, in all sorts of ways besides size?

Almost everyone, unless they decide to end up alone (which is a valid option, of course), sooner or later realizes that they have to settle to some degree. Except for those few who manage to attract their "perfect" partner, most people end up with someone who might not be their ideal, if they had their choice of anyone in the world.

So in a sense, almost everyone chooses someone out of some degree of "desperation"; or, instead of using the word "desperation," let's say, "recognizing that you can't always get what you really want in life."

Body size is just one example. A person might wish to be with someone younger, but they can only attract someone their age or older. A person might wish to be with someone taller, but they can only attract someone shorter. A person might wish to be with someone who shares their tastes and interests, but they can only attract someone who has very different tastes and interests.

There's a whole range of increments between "No compromises -- I'll only be with my dream partner," and "Desperation."

I know more than a few people whose dream girls were full-figured girls, but who only ever found themselves successfully attracting thin girls; either they dated the thin girls, or they had no dates.

So to play devil's advocate, and to cut the non-FAs who pursue full-figured women some slack, some of them are probably just doing something that most people do when it comes to relationships: compromising. And that's just what an FA who ends up with a thin person ends up doing. A few lucky people in the world don't have to compromise, and good on them, but most people do, in one aspect or another, or they end up alone (which is a valid option). It's just a fact of life.


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## Fat Brian (Jul 3, 2011)

You have to pick the things which you will compromise on and the things you won't. Try to identify things that to you are dealbreakers or must haves and things that are more flexible. Once you know what is an absolute must and what would be nice but aren't life and death you can assess your relationship or potential relationships and decide if its worth it to stick it out.


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## Fox (Jul 9, 2011)

*FAs are just gay guys trying to get with big girls for financial benefits*

Being a girly guy (who has had bisexual phases/tendencies) I've gotten this one a number of times. lol


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## CastingPearls (Jul 9, 2011)

kioewen said:


> Yes, but isn't such a phenomenon just a subset of a basic truth about relationships, in all sorts of ways besides size?
> 
> Almost everyone, unless they decide to end up alone (which is a valid option, of course), sooner or later realizes that they have to settle to some degree. Except for those few who manage to attract their "perfect" partner, most people end up with someone who might not be their ideal, if they had their choice of anyone in the world.
> 
> ...


Recognizing that you can't get everything you want in life is called maturity.

Compromise and negotiation is healthy when absolute dealbreakers are considered and the odds are weighed. It doesn't necessarily mean one has settled. Very very few people go through life without ever compromising. That too is a sign of maturity. 

Also, when one is considering what they are settling for, they might want to reflect what the potential partner is willing to overlook or embrace in the the first person's own imperfections. It goes both ways.


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## KHayes666 (Jul 17, 2011)

Fox said:


> *FAs are just gay guys trying to get with big girls for financial benefits*
> 
> Being a girly guy (who has had bisexual phases/tendencies) I've gotten this one a number of times. lol



Who the hell said that? Most F/A's can't keep their damn hands to themselves most of the time so obviously they're not putting from the other side of the green......unless they're really actors.


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## CastingPearls (Jul 17, 2011)

KHayes666 said:


> Who the hell said that? Most F/A's can't keep their damn hands to themselves most of the time so obviously they're not putting from the other side of the green......unless they're really actors.


Trust me, some of them are really accomplished actors and it's not always for money. Sometimes it's for social acceptability and sometimes it's because they don't WANT to admit to themselves they're gay. Those aren't FAs though. Those are frauds.


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## CosmicCorgi (Jul 17, 2011)

If anything, I'd contend that being an open FA is the definition of confidence. Considering how most people judge others, it seems that walking down the street, going out dancing, etc. and not caring what others think of you and your partner would be more difficult for the average person than doing those same activities with a supermodel.

Do sketchy guys hit on fat girls because they think they'll be easy? Probably, but anyone who isn't ashamed of who they are and what they like doesn't belong in the same category.


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## Fat Brian (Jul 17, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Trust me, some of them are really accomplished actors and it's not always for money. Sometimes it's for social acceptability and sometimes it's because they don't WANT to admit to themselves they're gay. Those aren't FAs though. Those are frauds.



For some reason this made me think of a song.

Mika - Billy Brown

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEc51jt3N_U


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## nykspree8 (Jul 19, 2011)

Fox said:


> *FAs are just gay guys trying to get with big girls for financial benefits*
> 
> Being a girly guy (who has had bisexual phases/tendencies) I've gotten this one a number of times. lol



lol what? First time I've heard this one tbh :huh:


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## ExpandingHorizons (Jul 19, 2011)

I think that is a myth as well. I love BBWs because I'm attracted to them. It's not because of my depression or something. It's just a preference rest of the population. Not everyone prefers the same thing, ya know?


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jul 19, 2011)

ExpandingHorizons said:


> I think that is a myth as well. I love BBWs because I'm attracted to them. It's not because of my depression or something. It's just a preference rest of the population. Not everyone prefers the same thing, ya know?



i agree with that,i am attracted to BBW and SSBBW because i think there beautiful,it's not because i think i couldn't get better or anything stupid like that.BBW and SSBBW are the best anyway.:bow:


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## kioewen (Jul 20, 2011)

It's actually easy to see why a myth like this, which is so ludicrous when one thinks about it, gets any currency. Thanks to the Frankfurt School, we've been brainwashed into thinking that all forms of essentialism are a myth and that everything is "culturally constructed."

Well, if anything, this is the sort of proposition that shows how wrong-headed the whole nurture argument is and validates traditional beliefs about biological determinism. Nurture only affects whether one has the courage to _admit _one's preferences publicly, or even to oneself, but when it comes right down to it, people are essentially hardwired to like what they like. Period. And it doesn't matter whether one's preferences are the majority view or the minority view.


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## Dromond (Jul 20, 2011)

kioewen said:


> It's actually easy to see why a myth like this, which is so ludicrous when one thinks about it, gets any currency. Thanks to the Frankfurt School, we've been brainwashed into thinking that all forms of essentialism are a myth and that everything is "culturally constructed."
> 
> Well, if anything, this is the sort of proposition that shows how wrong-headed the whole nurture argument is and validates traditional beliefs about biological determinism. Nurture only affects whether one has the courage to _admit _one's preferences publicly, or even to oneself, but when it comes right down to it, people are essentially hardwired to like what they like. Period. And it doesn't matter whether one's preferences are the majority view or the minority view.



WTF does neo-Marxist drivel have to do with why there is a stupid rumor about fat loving guys being secretly gay?


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