# "You seem malnourished! Are you suffering from internal parasites?"



## StarWitness (Oct 9, 2009)

I dunno about you, but in my neck of the woods, if you notice that someone has lost weight, you mention it. The vast majority of the time, they take the observation as a compliment and tell you how/why they've become thinner.

But as someone who presumably prefers to see a fat body over a thin one, do you engage in this social ritual? Considering how prevalent the idea of weight loss as an admirable achievement is, if you know (or at least have a good idea) that mentioning to someone that they look slimmer is going to make them feel good, do you put that before your own preferences?


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## Jon Blaze (Oct 9, 2009)

Generally though, I don't mention it, because it's not a really big deal unless it's dramatic, and then I might ask. 

I'm also not one to think that everyone at their highest weight looks best, so for all I know I could think they look better with the loss. It's all dependent on a number of things.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 9, 2009)

I only say something about it if I KNOW them well and KNOW they have been dieting. I do that because if it's intentional, then they probably want the feedback such as "you look slimmer" or "I can see where you lost it". 
Otherwise.....no, I don't presume they want my opinion on their body.


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## Paquito (Oct 9, 2009)

If it's someone that I know has been dieting and exercising for it, then yea, I congratulate them. Losing weight is difficult, so I comend someone when they do because it is an achievement, regardless of my personal views on fat.


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## mergirl (Oct 10, 2009)

I hardly ever notice people have lost weight. If i do though i don't mention it, just as i dont mention it if they gain weight. Its small talk that has big meaning which is best left unspoken most of the time. 
Now, if someone says "Oh.. can you see i have lost weight" I would say.. "Oh yeah so you have" and if someone says they have gained weight i might say "hmm really i didn't notice"... This is social conditioning though i guess.


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## joswitch (Oct 10, 2009)

StarWitness said:


> I dunno about you, but in my neck of the woods, if you notice that someone has lost weight, you mention it. The vast majority of the time, they take the observation as a compliment and tell you how/why they've become thinner.
> 
> But as someone who presumably prefers to see a fat body over a thin one, do you engage in this social ritual? Considering how prevalent the idea of weight loss as an admirable achievement is, if you know (or at least have a good idea) that mentioning to someone that they look slimmer is going to make them feel good, do you put that before your own preferences?



Nope!  Assuming you're talking about people you don't know intimately... If I know someone has been deliberately trying to get thinner and they have, well I don't mention it.... I'm not going to be all false, and no way am I going to join in back slapping on weight loss! but I won't be a bring down either.... I might pay a more general, somewhat weight neutral compliment like "you look great" or voice concern like "are you ok? you look a lil' sickly" if either of those things are true... I did ask after their health to some friends I'd not seen for years and years who I ran into and they both were waaaaaay thinner than they had been before and did in fact look a lil' peaky... but they said they were ok, so hey, all good...


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## Melian (Oct 10, 2009)

Personally, I don't want anyone making comments about my body - negative or positive. I just don't like it.

As a result, I don't comment on anyone's body unless they ask for an opinion.


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## mergirl (Oct 10, 2009)

Melian said:


> Personally, I don't want anyone making comments about my body - negative or positive. I just don't like it.
> 
> As a result, I don't comment on anyone's body unless they ask for an opinion.


but..if i were to say "Nice lab coat baby!" that would be acceptable??
Cause you DO have a nice labcoat.
If you know what i mean
:happy:


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## Mini (Oct 10, 2009)

The topic title seems like something I'd use as a pick-up line.


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## Melian (Oct 10, 2009)

mergirl said:


> but..if i were to say "Nice lab coat baby!" that would be acceptable??
> Cause you DO have a nice labcoat.
> If you know what i mean
> :happy:



I suppose that would be alright. Unless the coat was fused to my skin. :bow:


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## mergirl (Oct 10, 2009)

Melian said:


> I suppose that would be alright. Unless the coat was fused to my skin. :bow:


Does Labcoat skin fusion happen much to you?
If not.. then we are good to go!


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## Jasminium (Oct 10, 2009)

I don't comment on weight loss unless I know they're intentionally trying to lose weight. If I don't know for sure that it's intentional I definitely would not bring it up. Many people seem to be mislead into thinking that all weight loss is good weight loss and the simple fact is that it's not.


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## MsGreenLantern (Oct 10, 2009)

This is going to sound horrible...or maybe like I made it up, but honestly the first thing I think when I see someone lost weight is: "Oh, what a shame." 

Generally I find thinness unappealing, on anyone. Sure, there are a lot of beautiful people out there, but even the prettiest starlet, in my eyes, would look cuter with some cushion on those thighs and hips. 

When my best friend loses weight and I can see bone definition in her wrists and back, I feel... bad for her. It sounds horrible actually saying it, but it's true! I keep telling her she looks cuter when she is a tiny bit pudgy... but she's your basic "Must be thin!" types. Ironically, she had the best [lesbian] love life when she was at her heaviest! The ladies couldn't get enough of her!

On another note, my boyfriend told me at one point he wanted to lose some weight right when we started dating, but has instead put some more on. I couldn't be happier, and enjoy his tummy regularly.

I do not however, EVER comment negatively on anyone's body type. I only say how cute they were heavier in your basic: "Oh, but you were so pretty before too!"


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## Santaclear (Oct 10, 2009)

I always assume it's the parasite thing unless they say otherwise.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Oct 12, 2009)

Jon Blaze said:


> Generally though, I don't mention it, because it's not a really big deal unless it's dramatic, and then I might ask.
> 
> I'm also not one to think that everyone at their highest weight looks best, so for all I know I could think they look better with the loss. It's all dependent on a number of things.


For the most part, this is how I am too. Even though I'm a fat admirer, I don't think everyone looks best at their heaviest. I actually like the fact people come in so many shapes, sizes and varieties. I think people can be attractive even if I don't want to sleep with them.  Most of the time, though, I find people who I see on a regular basis look more or less attractive based on things that have nothing to do with their weight. They could be really happy, or wearing a flattering color, etc. I have never had anyone ask me if I could tell that they had lost weight, though. I'm not sure what I'd do if they did ask. Most likely I would say yes and congratulate them if they were happy about it.



Mini said:


> The topic title seems like something I'd use as a pick-up line.



Oh Mini, you remain the master of romance. Will you be my love guru?:bow:


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 13, 2009)

Generally, I congratulate them if I know they're trying to lose weight. I try to mention that they were pretty either way but it's not necessarily because I'm like FAT = GOOD because even when I hated being fat, I didn't want to tell my friends WOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD NOW without saying that they were attractive before because I didn't/don't want to give them the impression that their weight really affected my opinion of them or that I thought they were ugly before (not saying fat = ugly, just saying that they may take it that way.) Also, even if I don't think they look better or even look good, I still congratulate them because I don't want to give them the impression that I think they look ugly now! Also, I know it's difficult to lose weight and in many ways, it is an achievement (if they've done it through hardwork/life style changes as opposed to fad diets and such.) I only comment on peoples weight loss though if I know for a fact that they were trying to lose weight and I'm close enough with them for it to be appropriate - i.e. my family and close friends. I'd never comment on a coworkers or acquaintances weight loss because it just seems inappropriate to me unless they ask for my opinion or discuss it candidly with me.


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## rollhandler (Oct 13, 2009)

What I've generally found to be true of mentioning someone elses weight loss is that it seems to be commonly used as a tag line to greeting someone anymore and especially greeting women. I see it as a loaded question to be avoided.

What I've also found is that when used in this way it seems not only demeaning to the person being greeted in this fashion as a backhanded compliment but most of the time it is met with the response of "no I haven't lost weight." I see it also as reinforcing the you only look good after losing weight ideal and by inverse logic, feeds the demoralizing misconception that the subject didn't look good before because they were heavier.

I find this type of empty conversation tacky, shallow, objectifying and demeaning, in much the same way that a pudgy woman would see it if someone asked when she is due, and she isn't pregnant." I avoid the topic of weight loss entirely unless directly asked, and only if the topic is brought up by the person who has supposedly lost or gained and not by the observer asking for my confirmation of what they have supposedly noticed.

Rollhandler


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## Tad (Oct 13, 2009)

I almost never mention body size changes. I might comment on some semi-related thing, like the new clothes that they are wearing, or if they seem to have more energy, or something. If the topic comes up I may congratulate them on sticking to an exercise plan or meeting some goal, or something.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 13, 2009)

I am aprehensive about commenting on weight loss at times. Being over 400 pounds I find that doing so often inspires people to try to sell it to me. A few times though I've accidentally hit on it by interjecting, "By the way Helen, you look great!" I really did think Helen looked great but I wasn't referring to her wieght at all. Suddenly she started beaming and crowing about all the stuff she's been doing to lose those 3 unwanted pounds. I nod and go along with it even though I can berely see the difference, I just thought her makeup looked good. 

There has been a time or two where I've seen a dramatic loss on a person and I've asked, "Susan you look like you've been losing weight. Is it deliberate or are you just working your tail off? " I've been in situations where there have been changes to my body due to stress, tragedy or illness and I've recieved both cheers and jeers from people which for me was completely inappropriate and infuriating. In this muckety muck world of point systems and carb counts it can be lost on people that there's more to life than weight loss or weight gain. I will only ask if I know the person fairly well but sometimes it's a nice segway for them to let something off their chest if they're going through something. Otherwise I don't mention weight at all, I just tell them they look great if I know they've been trying. It feels good to have it acknowledged but not always.


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## Ruffie (Oct 14, 2009)

My friend went through this. Her husband also a good friend of mine has been going through horrible health problems that they cannot diagnose for the past three years. As a result of the stress because of his physical condition and financial burden and also the different diets he has been placed on she has lost a great deal of weight.

It makes her mental when people go on and on about how good she looks now and congratulate her on her weight loss when its been a result of so much pain. As well it makes her feel that people only judged her worth by her dress size as she is the same smart, funny and caring person she was when fatter, but suddenly because she is skinny people are finally starting to see her. She and I discussed this many a time because it hurt her badly and she felt the full force of the superficiality of people around her including her own family. It is truly sad how she has been treated.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 14, 2009)

Ruffie said:


> My friend went through this. Her husband also a good friend of mine has been going through horrible health problems that they cannot diagnose for the past three years. As a result of the stress because of his physical condition and financial burden and also the different diets he has been placed on she has lost a great deal of weight.
> 
> It makes her mental when people go on and on about how good she looks now and congratulate her on her weight loss when its been a result of so much pain. As well it makes her feel that people only judged her worth by her dress size as she is the same smart, funny and caring person she was when fatter, but suddenly because she is skinny people are finally starting to see her. She and I discussed this many a time because it hurt her badly and she felt the full force of the superficiality of people around her including her own family. It is truly sad how she has been treated.



I'm so sorry to hear that Ruffie. It's hard to describe how alienating it feels to have someone gush over your weight loss when you are drowning on the inside and in need of a support system. I scared the crap out of my mom because I was at work and called her crying so hard she could barely understand me. I was trying to get her to understand how terrified I was about my mysterious weight loss and my mother is SO pro-weightloss that up till then, whenever I mentioned it she squealed with glee. I would have traded that weight for the weight of my fears in a second, I'd never felt so heavy. I'm glad you are there to listen Ruffie. Having that issue myself has made me mindful.


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## Weirdo890 (Oct 19, 2009)

O pretty much say they look nice either way, whether the person has lost or gained weight.


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## Ruffie (Oct 20, 2009)

I also think it is funny cause the guy I mentioned in my previous post is someone I work with and the coworkers I have that are obsessed with weight commented on his weight loss but not to the extent that they did hers. And also because I have been VERY vocal about size acceptance and my stand that weight does not make the person not one word has been said by those folks about the 2 dress sizes I have dropped. Sometimes when you take a strong stand on what you will and won't accept they get the message!


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