# Leaving.............



## wrestlingguy (May 8, 2008)

Not here, my job. On the wake of reading about half of the most incredible thread ever posted here in Dimensions, I post about what makes this place so unique. Here's the story..........

I've been with the same company for the past 2 1/2 years. About 7 months ago, my boss confronts me, and asks me about a picture he had e-mailed to him, which he recognized as my wife, Carla. She is wearing a thong, and the caption in the photo says "Does this thong make my ass look big?"






Most everyone has gotten this pic e-mailed to them. It's actually posted on a few sites like EbaumsWorld, and because there's no copyright on her early photos, they can't be forced to be taken down.

So, my boss asks me if it's Carla, and I wouldn't insult his intelligence by telling him it's not (looking at her is like looking at Mt Rushmore, there's just no denying it), so I answer in the affirmative. He asks of course why she's in a thong, and of course I explain that she is a webmodel, which of course he doesn't get because of her size. So I then explain what it means financially to her, which freaks him out even more, as if he doesn't believe me.

So, let's fast forward to this week. I receive a call from a good friend of mine (non-FA), who is also my competitor (for now). The purpose of her call is to ask me a very pointed question, which is, does my wife have a fat girl "porn" website?

So here I am on Monday, telling HER about the same things I discussed with my boss, and then I ask her 2 things. How did she find out enough about this to ask me (thinking she got the same pic e-mailed to her that my boss did), and why is she asking?

She went on to tell me that several of my customers were introduced to my wife's website, not by my boss, but by other salespeople within my own company. I can only assume at this point that my boss has given them all the link to the site, so they can all get a good chuckle. Some of them (my "friends") have even shown Carla's pics to THEIR customers, introducing it by saying "Here's the fat porn star that the South Jersey rep is married to".

One of my true friends, a co-worker that has a territory in the Southeastern US, recently rode with my boss, and called to let me know that my boss flipped his laptop open after dinner one night to show HIM the exact same thing. Being a true friend, he let me know what happened.

I am resigning my position with this company on Friday. I am informing them WHY I'm leaving, with a note to cease & desist. Further comments will bring them legal action. They aren't defaming me with their comments. What they say is true.......Carla is fat, and based on the fact that guys pay her money so they can get off on her pics (even though she's never naked), you have to consider it porn. What is involved here, however, may be harrassment in the workplace, which can also carry serious legal consequences.

I'm hurt, because someone I trusted, who has had dinner with Carla and I, has used both of us as objects of ridicule.......sound familiar? The biggest difference is, he may have to answer to a court of law.

While the issue of fat is an important part of my leaving (obviously, would he do the same thing if Carla was a size 4?), there are other issues involved:
1. What does her weight, and part-time job have to do with me? If Carla was a serial killer, would I be any more responsible for her actions, as if they were mine?
2. What does her weight, and part time job have to do with my position as territory sales manager? Am I any less a salesman because my wife in HIS eyes sinned by being so fat and having a website? I guess maybe we'll let a judge decide that.

I already secured a position with another company in my field. I just wanted to share this with the rest of the community, as this is *NOT* the lol internet, this is the real world, and that's why people come here, even though it's the net............they look for support from their friends, assuming they have them.

I've always felt like I was on the outer fringe of this community over the past 10 years, as if some here don't trust me, because I can be very callous & nasty at times, so I don't expect much love now from those who perceive me that way. This is said even though I contribute here, and many other forums, and support our community as much as my time allows. This thread is really for those who do in fact know me, as I just wanted to share what's happening in our lives right now. It's not fun, and I hope I can see my way through this. I could use a bit of support myself, for a change.


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## Ash (May 8, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> Not here, my job.



I'm so sorry to hear this, Phil. The whole thing is ridiculous, and you don't deserve to be treated this way by anyone, let alone people you trust. I've met you a couple of times, and I know that you're a really great guy. A true gentleman. My thoughts are with you and Carla, and I'm wishing you well in your new job.


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## AnnMarie (May 8, 2008)

God, Phil... I don't even know what to say to you. How cutthroat, sneaky, and unprofessional can people get?

I hope you get your day in court, this wreaks for legal action.... harassment, toxic work environment, etc. 

Hope Carla is ok as well... this can't be easy on her at all. 

Good luck!


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## Sandie S-R (May 8, 2008)

Phil, you and Carla are two of the most decent people I know here. I am just outraged. My suggestion is you find a good lawyer, and if there is anything we can to to help you both, please don't hesitate to ask. 

It just amazes that people can be so fucking twisted. The two of you soooo did not deserve this.


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## saucywench (May 8, 2008)

I know you.

You've been a guest in my home, and I enjoyed having you here (I still have the same ugly, green, 70s vinyl floor in my kitchen, btw.)  You taught me that Kroger brand coffee is damned good stuff, and you can make a mean balsam vinaigrette. (Phil's a great cook, folks.)

I hope to hell you file that lawsuit. If you do, let me know when the trial is, and I'll book a flight up and support you in any way I can. I am dead serious.

Bless you, Phil. :wubu:

You have my full support.


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## Chimpi (May 8, 2008)

Well-spoken, Phil.
I think you have a good grasp on the situation, and are going about it very professional and correct.
Much luck to you in your new job. I was happy when I crashed down onto that portion of your post.


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## SilkyAngela (May 8, 2008)

I would be enraged to the tenth power. What you or your wife does outside of your work is no one's business anyway. I completely respect your decision to leave and support you in whatever actions you feel necessary. 

Hell, I'll dance at your lawsuit victory party!


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## Renaissance Woman (May 8, 2008)

I wish I had an easy answer for you. Good luck with the lawsuit.


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## Smushygirl (May 8, 2008)

((((((((Phil)))))))))

That really stinks! I am so sorry that you and Carla have had to go through this. Go get 'em! If there is anything I can do for you guys, just let me know!


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## Risible (May 9, 2008)

You're hitting the road then ... the high moral road. Good for you, Phil!

Best of luck to you in a search for a new job, and good luck to you and Carla in getting through this.


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## bigsexy920 (May 9, 2008)

Well I love you and Carla a lot - I'm sorry that you guys are dealing with this. I know changing jobs can be stressfull but it sounds like good riddens to bad rubbish. 

HUGS


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## Sandie_Zitkus (May 9, 2008)

Phil this is unbelievable. I hope you nail their asses to the wall.


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## Dr. Feelgood (May 9, 2008)

I have never worked in an office that wasn't a nest of rattlesnakes. And they always bite the stand-up guys first. I'm sorry this had to happen to you, and I hope you take your weasel boss to the cleaners.


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## ripley (May 9, 2008)

This is awful in so many ways. 


Do you think it might make it easier if they upfront knew at your job? If you just faced it as matter-of-factly as possible, and say "I hope my wife's job is not going to be a problem here?" Maybe a bad idea...just don't want this to happen again down the road.


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## imfree (May 9, 2008)

SilkyAngela said:


> I would be enraged to the tenth power. What you or your wife does outside of your work is no one's business anyway. I completely respect your decision to leave and support you in whatever actions you feel necessary.
> 
> Hell, I'll dance at your lawsuit victory party!



I agree whole-heartily with Angela's statements. If
you win the suit, I might turn my oxygen all the way 
up and dance a little myself. Fight the good fight, dude!


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## Aliena (May 9, 2008)

OOOOOOOooooooo!!!View attachment exploding smiley.gif


Phil I've never met you or talked with you, let alone your obviously beautiful wife, but this #$%%& me off to no end! I hope you both DO take them to court and show them this is a form of sexual harassment and is NOT appropriate or acceptable. 

Sending some positive vibes your way...


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## Mini (May 9, 2008)

I really wish instead of a lawsuit you'd just stove the fucker's head in with a folding chair, but hey, so long as he gets hurt.

Best of luck with the new job.


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## Sugar (May 9, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear you both were treated with such disrespect.


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## toni (May 9, 2008)

I am so upset to read this Phil. You and Carla are two of the nicest people I have met in this community. Those people who have done this to you should be ashamed of themselves. I hope you have your day in court and they are made to pay. 

Carla is a beautiful woman with an incredible body. God blessed her with it and I am glad she can make some $$$ on the side. I have seen her pics, they are always classy and she always looks great. If they are too brainwashed to see that, screw them.

Bravo to a very stand up move on your end.


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## Tooz (May 9, 2008)

How unprofessional of your former employer.


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## Fascinita (May 9, 2008)

Wow, this is just... bad. So sorry you have to deal with this.


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## Littleghost (May 9, 2008)

I don't think I'll ever get used to how calloused and twisted people can be. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you, with all the backstabbing being an intentional joke to them. I just hope that once this is all over for you, it ends well and stays done. Best wishes.


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## largenlovely (May 9, 2008)

*ugh* i hate that y'all are dealing with this, BUT after having heard some of the other things about that company, i'm not so surprised. I have a feeling that you will finally give these assholes what they deserve and NOT back down. Sorry that y'all are going through this, but YOU very well may be these guys karma...love y'all :wubu::kiss2:


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## Mishty (May 9, 2008)

I've seen both of you guys around, and have always had a wee bit of a crush on Carla :blush:. I must say you guys seem like the most sweet, and kindhearted people!
I've always wondered what happened when normal people(outside bbw/fa world) got those emails, and text messages baring the image of my online friends and acquaintances, with some lil limerick, or gawdy song attached, what happens when they recognize them as someone they know, or married or related to someone they know.....

I thought a few stares, a chuckle, hell maybe a joke or even failure to believe it...but this.
This is bad.

It's almost an insult everytime they foward it, to someone you have to face. You're not ashamed, you've made that clear, and I really look up to you for that.

I'm sorry Phil, and Carla.

Hope everything works out.


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## olwen (May 9, 2008)

I haven't met either of you in person, but what they all did sucks. I hope you win your lawsuit. I hope you win it big.


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## SocialbFly (May 9, 2008)

You know, just a thought, if they are trying to harrass you saying that Carla's site is porn, then how come so many of them are showing porn at work? i mean, i think if you turn this on them, and play their game so to speak, you still come out ahead....


a couple of years ago, there was a web page that was circulated and the woman looked a lot like me, although she was inches shorter, but i couldnt believe how some judged me even though it WASNT me...

all i have to say is some people have a whole lotta nerve...


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## Tina (May 9, 2008)

Man, this sucks, Phil. Very unprofessional thing for your soon to be ex-employer to do. Shows just how small-minded he is. Hopefully, the new job will be even better -- what whole "living well is the best revenge" saying and all.


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## irish_redhead (May 9, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear that's happened to you. It's sad and pathetic (they are), and good for you for making the decision you did. 

Legally, I absolutely think that you have a workplace harrassment issue, and getting a lawyer is absolutely a good move. 

The ONLY thing that I would see not being in your favor - is if the employer had a morality clause you had to sign. If, in some twisted manner, they can prove that your wife's web site is immoral, they may be able to get away with it. (Morality clauses can get you fired for scratching your ass in public if your employer is ruthless.)

And, as Social said, if this is somehow a "bad" web site (and offensive picture) then WTF were they doing sharing it with coworkers? and clients? Get them at their own game!


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## tonynyc (May 9, 2008)

*Phil and Carla:

What Bastards ! I hope that you are able to find the legal remedy to your 'former' employers' outrageous actions. 

If there is any silver lining in any of this....

1. Thank god you were able to pick up the pieces and make a transition to another company that values your worth. 

2. Thank god that you only spent a short time in this company (not that your time there is anything to sneeze at);but, can you imagine working 20 years for this place and you had to face this issue. 

3. Through all this shit- keep positive thoughts ....I always consider this saying...

One Door Closes - Another Opens ! 

4. Fate is a bitch and wouldn't it be something if the new company puts your former one out of business 

*


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## UncannyBruceman (May 9, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> I've always felt like I was on the outer fringe of this community over the past 10 years, as if some here don't trust me, because I can be very callous & nasty at times



You and me both. I'm sorry I'm only noticing this thread NOW, but this is only ONE of the prices you, myself, and a small few others pay as boyfriends/husbands of paysite girls. To be in a relationship like yours or mine is not just a privilege, but a responsibility. We have to be prepared for anything and everything and know what to do and how to act when confronted with something like this.

I've had my privacy violated at a former workplace once before. Not at all like this, but rather, my boss got a hold of my Myspace blogs and tried to fire me for it because I was venting about the job. The VP was smart enough to throw down the gauntlet and throw the printouts in the trash without even reading them, saying "I don't wanna know". Whether he was scared to see what he'd find in Bruce's private universe is one thing, but the important thing is that the man had the decency to put a stop to a potential lawsuit (which he had a knack for doing, considering all the laws they were breaking).

Now that I'm with Melissa, things become a little more complicated. One of my coworkers knows about her and I don't trust her in the slightest. Granted, we are denied internet access at work and I have a very good reputation among my coworkers and superiors while she is nothing but a pain in the ass...so they probably wouldn't give her the time of day if she printed out a picture and brought it to work. But this is still a risk I will not take, which is why I am not quick to give out the links to Melissa's site despite this coworker asking me. Melissa will probably need to work when she moves up here, so this is something that her and I will need to figure out when the time comes.

DO NOT TELL YOUR BOSS THAT YOU ARE LEAVING BECAUSE OF THIS. Because the first thing he's going to do is say "you guys better take that stuff off your laptops before we get sued". Have your attorney kick him in the balls before you tender your resignation.

I love you and Carla very much, you know where to find me if you need me.


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## Santaclear (May 9, 2008)

Wow. That's one of the worst-case scenarios one could envision around a person or their loved one having a porn site. I'm so sorry you and Carla have to deal with this, Phil.

I've said this before, but not in a while. I see BBWs as the cutting edge of beauty. To me they have almost magical power. For this reason I view BBW porn women kinda as warriors, getting the message out that fat women are the finest beings who have ever lived or walked the earth. (Yeah, I'm dramatic.) Likewise all the women of Dimensions who have ever posted pictures (or haven't.) I feel like we're almost a cult, getting that message out there.

Glad you already found a new job.


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## Friday (May 9, 2008)

I wish you all the luck in the world at your new job and you and Carla every happiness. I hope you take your ex-employer to the cleaners.

But please, don't refer to what her pics as porn. Just because some guys use it as fantasy material does not make it porn. Some guys use the lingerie ads the Sunday paper as wank fodder, that doesn't make them porn. I fear that your own use of the word could prejudice a lawsuit further down the road.

Kick butt.


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## sweetnycguy (May 9, 2008)

What happened here seems falls under sexual harassment law. They created a hostile work environment. 

It is illegal.


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## mergirl (May 9, 2008)

Friday said:


> I wish you all the luck in the world at your new job and you and Carla every happiness. I hope you take your ex-employer to the cleaners.
> 
> But please, don't refer to what her pics as porn. Just because some guys use it as fantasy material does not make it porn. Some guys use the lingerie ads the Sunday paper as wank fodder, that doesn't make them porn. I fear that your own use of the word could prejudice a lawsuit further down the road.
> 
> Kick butt.


I'm sorry to hear you have been through so much stress..I know the American legal system is really different to the one over here. It sucks but here, i dont think, unless you were FIRED it would even get to court.. i hate that big companies think they can treat people like crap and i hope you have your day and recieve the compensation and apology you deserve!
It also really upsets me when bbw photopraphs are used in such a way..ie in eabums world etc.. ive recieved forwards from "aquaintences" on boards like myspace and bebo etc..or even just email forwards from people who dont really know me..and i always feel pissed off.. and its also really weird if i know the women in question...and i guess it makes me even more angry because it kinna hits home..
i suppose in some ways if you are modelling you have to take into consideration that people that you might not want to see your pics might see them.. this doesnt excuse anything that has happened to you which is shocking...

good luck xxmer


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## bexy (May 9, 2008)

I am totally gobsmacked by this. Its absolutely disgusting that they would carry on like this. What is it, high school? I hope to goodness you can get something done about this.


I would take this as far as you can and need to.
Good luck Phil.


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## missy_blue_eyez (May 9, 2008)

Gosh, thats awful, I gotta admit that really wound me up reading that! How dare they pry into your private life then use you and your wife as a vehicle to vent their vile humour. They are nothing but bullies, this is the kind of thing that goes on in school playgrounds, not in a workplace environment.That is disgusting behaviour. It kinda reminds me of something I saw last night too.....I added a friend to Facebook, an he's a lovely bloke, jus setting up his own business etc within the music industry. As you do when you add someone to Facebook (well I do) I had a good nosey through comments and pictures etc, anyway getting more to the point I fell upon the following comment from a female (who is the conventional stereotype of what is deemed as beautiful) saying the following.... 

'check u out with the [said name of company here] music company... go u! tho I av to say *if u find fame ur gona av to let go of ye olde porkies Im afraid,* no matter how hard it maybe, lol xx'

Now I know the comments between those 2 said people are between themselves and between those 2 friends it is probably a long standing joke etc, but I was made quite angry by that. Needless to say not surprised in the slightest but I just thought to myself 'WTF has his preference in women got to do with his career!' To me I feel its jealousy from our 'normal' counterparts. 

Secondly, more to the point....whats your boss doing showing pictures of your wife around like that? I would personally say that he's probably into the whole thing but poking fun at it is kinda like using it as a form of denial, you know what they say 'you doth protest too much.' He seems like a little boy out on the playground bullying all the girls he fancies! I bet he's a closetted FA who is probably diggin' your wife really!


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## Shosh (May 9, 2008)

Sending you lots of good wishes and support as always Phil. You are a really decent guy, who has so much respect for women, and I am sure you are a wonderful husband also.Some people are vile.
Susannah


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## UncannyBruceman (May 9, 2008)

http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-us&vid=7cec05b0-0e14-4e68-90f5-16c0750161f7&playlist=videoByTag:tag:news_u.s.%20news:ns:MSNVideo_Top_Cat:mk:us:sf:ActiveStartDate:vs:0&from=MSNHP&tab=s2&GT1=42003

Check out the video in that link...this woman was fired from her teaching job because of a secondary job that requires her to work in a bikini. Had THIS been your wife, your coworkers would STILL be violating your privacy, sending the pictures out to everyone and saying "check out Phil's wife". That is, of course, only if your coworkers aren't closeted FA scum.

Violations of privacy happen to people of all sizes and colors, and your main concern right now should be to get a fat friendly lawyer to help you shake them down.


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## ThatFatGirl (May 9, 2008)

It really irks me to see something so unjust and horrible happening to such a good and decent person. I wish you and Carla all the best in the days ahead. I hope you move onto something bigger and better professionally and that you have great success in any legal action your pursue.


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## Ruffie (May 9, 2008)

I can only imagine the pain and anger this has caused you. I bet its a whirlwnd of emotions and yet you took action in a positive and professional way. Good on you and I wish you all the best in your new company!
Ruth


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## Tad (May 9, 2008)

1) That totally sucks, in so many ways  The unprofessional behavior, the betrayal of trust, the way it is essentially forcing you to move on....

2) Related to the 'forcing you to move on' I would think it is at least worth talking to a lawyer, because up here at least I think you'd have a case for 'constructive dismissal' which is basically when your employer forces you to leave through their treatment of you, without ever asking you to resign.

Of course, the best revenge is still them losing your skills, talents, knowledge, and connections. I don't suppose your new job is with a direct competitor, but I'm sure just you leaving will be hurting them. More so if you let it be known that you left because of their unprofessional attitude.

Best of luck on getting past this turmoil and back into calmer waters.

-Ed


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## bigplaidpants (May 9, 2008)

Phil, I haven't been on in a long while. But, I saw your post and find it, well, amazing. It's one of those "shocked, but not suprised" things....you know what I mean?

I grieve with you, but also admire the position you've taken and are taking. <bows to Phil> I hope you consider me good company, because I'm there with you.

Wanted to share my support....

Matt
bpp


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## LisaInNC (May 9, 2008)

UncannyBruceman said:


> DO NOT TELL YOUR BOSS THAT YOU ARE LEAVING BECAUSE OF THIS. Because the first thing he's going to do is say "you guys better take that stuff off your laptops before we get sued". Have your attorney kick him in the balls before you tender your resignation.



I disagree with this statement. You should have went over your bosses head and discussed this with HIS supervisor. You should absolutely tell them you are leaving because of this, but with that said, I dont think you have a case. Hostile work environment is a sexual harassment claim. To prove hostile work environment is damned near impossible. There are also steps one must take in order to prove it (one being going to HR). But the biggest thing here is, these photos were not circulated because of your sex. Furthermore, since the pictures in question are public domain, you agreed to let them be published, not sure where you can go with it. 
Now keep in mind, I dont know shit from shiola, so it wouldnt hurt to see an attorney. 
I hope things work out for you at your new job, and I am sorry your boss and co-workers are cockholes.


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## EtobicokeFA (May 9, 2008)

It still surprises me how unprofessional, these so called professionals act. 

It's getting scary how, company are cutting down our piracy rights. 

Let you know who are your real friends are now!


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## Jon Blaze (May 9, 2008)

Tooz said:


> How unprofessional of your former employer.



Yep. That's some serious asshattery.


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## D_A_Bunny (May 9, 2008)

I am very sorry that this happened to you. As I see it, this is

DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER, 

and that my friend, is definitely a lawsuit. If the boss showed others this information, esp. after discussing it with you to confirm it, then his purpose was to defame your character. And since you are in a sales position, ultimately it would also affect your sales - which would reduce your earnings - which would also reduce the company's earnings. Not only was he defaming your character, he was showing "porn" to others on work time and equipment and using very poor judgment when doing this which would affect future business. Something the higher ups may want to know about. This man is completely unprofessional and untrustworthy, not to mention immature. Maybe he should be REMOVED from the company.

This just ticks me off.


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## Blackjack (May 9, 2008)

EtobicokeFA said:


> It's getting scary how, company are cutting down our piracy rights.



Yarrrr! Fully agreed.

On a more serious note... Phil, I'm sorry that this happened to you, and utterly outraged at the guy who did it. It's beyond wrong, and I'd think that you've got a pretty good case (although I can't say for sure, since I'm not a lawyer).


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## largenlovely (May 9, 2008)

it's not my place to talk about any of this at all, so i'm not going to go in any details of course, but it's not the first time he's done things like this..from what i've heard of him, someone really needs to take this guy down. those statements are so very accurate in more than just this situation. 

I hate hate hate to see Phil and Carla going through this, but at the same time i know Phil will take care of his ass like someone should've a long time ago. 



DumbAssBunny said:


> using very poor judgment when doing this which would affect future business. Something the higher ups may want to know about. This man is completely unprofessional and untrustworthy, not to mention immature. Maybe he should be REMOVED from the company.
> 
> This just ticks me off.


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## largenlovely (May 9, 2008)

It can actually be done this way though..my dad went through a situation where the work environment was intolerable and he proved that they made it so miserable for him that he was more or less forced to quit...and he won. Of course, that's here in Alabama, not sure how it is everywhere else or if the same rules apply



LisaInNC said:


> I disagree with this statement. You should have went over your bosses head and discussed this with HIS supervisor. You should absolutely tell them you are leaving because of this, but with that said, I dont think you have a case. Hostile work environment is a sexual harassment claim. To prove hostile work environment is damned near impossible. There are also steps one must take in order to prove it (one being going to HR). But the biggest thing here is, these photos were not circulated because of your sex. Furthermore, since the pictures in question are public domain, you agreed to let them be published, not sure where you can go with it.
> Now keep in mind, I dont know shit from shiola, so it wouldnt hurt to see an attorney.
> I hope things work out for you at your new job, and I am sorry your boss and co-workers are cockholes.


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## Mythik (May 9, 2008)

Wow. Sorry you had to go through that. Thank goodness you're able to move on so quickly. And my hat's off to you for your assertiveness and aplomb throughout the whole ordeal.

Some people need to get over their drama addiction. Like your (former) boss. Jeez...


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## EtobicokeFA (May 9, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Yarrrr! Fully agreed.
> 
> On a more serious note... Phil, I'm sorry that this happened to you, and utterly outraged at the guy who did it. It's beyond wrong, and I'd think that you've got a pretty good case (although I can't say for sure, since I'm not a lawyer).




AAAHHHHH! I meant privacy! The spell checker has made me weak!


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## HeatherBBW (May 9, 2008)

Phil, I am sorry to hear you had to deal with such an unprofessional boss. Apparently he is totally close-minded and a jerk, so you are probably better off at your new company opportunity with such a toxic jerk in your past. Who knows what other actions he may have taken in the past on other subjects that's lead for the company to lose business with his current idiocy.

With that being said, I think it should be noted that I am very happy you stuck to your guns and stood beside Carla in all of this. I know many people who would not have been strong enough to walk away from a paying job they had invested so much time in. It shows that you stand by your preference and your wife, which isn't always commonplace even in this community.

Hopefully your boss learned a bit of a lesson by losing a great employee that he can't cross such lines without consequence and not everything is open to his unprofessional jokes.

Good for you an good luck with the new job!


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## RKC (May 9, 2008)

This suit will be almost impossible to win. First, you have not been defamed, so the defamation of character lawsuit is out. 

Second, you do not have a claim for sexual harassment. This has not been based on sex. 

You have a total Hail Mary play, depending on your state: discrimination based on your sexual orientation. Sexual orientation might not be limited to gays. 

Also, since you didn't complain about it, and the harassment seems to have not been severe or pervasive, you essentially have no claim. Most harassment claims require you to have tried to remedy the situation. The requirement is pretty much only waived when complaining of said conduct would cause physical harm or if it creates immense fear. A lawyer might take this claim, but there is a good chance he would be taking it for publicity purposes, not because he is motivated by an actual belief that you have a chance to win.​
That said, I hope you do make inroads to this underdeveloped and interesting area of law, and wish you luck acclimating yourself to your new job.


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## indy500tchr (May 9, 2008)

RKC said:


> This suit will be almost impossible to win. First, you have not been defamed, so the defamation of character lawsuit is out.
> 
> Second, you do not have a claim for sexual harassment. This has not been based on sex.
> 
> ...



spoken like a true law student


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## Al Diggy (May 9, 2008)

Wow, Phil, i am sorry u and Carla have to go throught this bs...u both know how i feel about u!! This is just another example of the ignorance, and disgusting way some people treat others!! I'm sure u will handle the situation appropriately, and deal with all those involved!! My heart goes out to u and Carla...anything i can possibly do, do not hesitate to ask!! I'm sure u both realize this is the behavior of a narrowminded section of our world, and that there are a great deal of others who are on your side and got ur back!! No matter what we do, there will always be idiots who have no understanding or consideration for others' feelings, or beliefs, or, even appearances...We just have to stay strong, and realize that THEY are, and always will be WRONG!!
Love u guys...


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## goofy girl (May 9, 2008)

The only thought that comes to mind is "WHAT CRAP!!"

That is unbelievable. I'm sorry you (both) are dealing with this. Big Hugs to you both!!


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## MissStacie (May 9, 2008)

How inane and utterly horrible people can be. Phil, I'm really sorry that your boss decided to look like a "bigshot" and passed this off as fodder for company chuckles. I'm glad you're getting out and going to tell them where to shove it, ableit in a tactful and human way, totally the OPPOSITE treatment that you've received.

What a bunch of jackasses. Kudos to you for taking a stand.

Hugs,


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## starrbbw (May 9, 2008)

irish_redhead said:


> I am so sorry to hear that's happened to you. It's sad and pathetic (they are), and good for you for making the decision you did.
> 
> Legally, I absolutely think that you have a workplace harrassment issue, and getting a lawyer is absolutely a good move.
> 
> ...



But...does the 'Morality clause' apply to the employee's family members? It wasn't Phil who had this side job but his wife. And he did not in any way try to promote it to anyone. 

To Phil and Carla,

I don't know you two but I do feel for you and all you're going through. I am so glad you made the move to find a new job and hope you are able to take them to the ringer with a lawsuit! That's just plain awful what they did to both of you. I'm glad you have at least one friend who can coaborate your story, too. (Your one good friend who admitted to you what your boss was doing) Good luck with everything and know that we here at Dimensions are standing beside you and rooting for you guys!

Jen a.k.a. starrbbw


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## SparkGirl (May 9, 2008)

_*Phil...when I read your post I was so angry I had to back away for a little bit. I can't understand, for the life of me, how a man who has had the opportunity to meet Carla could try to humiliate you both in such a nasty fashion. Carla is such a sweet and lovely person, I can't fathom why he would want to hurt her, and you, like that. It just goes to show what a sick sociopath this man is. He obviously has no respect for any women (as evidenced from other stories I've heard about him). There are many possible avenues you could pursue to enact retribution against this sociopath. Regardless of weather or not you win a court case against him, simply dragging his name through the mud, him having to spend a large amount of money on legal representation, the word of mouth about his inappropriate behavior could do some serious damage to him. Maybe he'll even lose his job. You're better off not being in that hostile work environment anymore.

I love you and Carla dearly and I support you both 100%. If there is any way I could help you, you know where to find me. *_


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## SparkGirl (May 9, 2008)

*The New Jersey Law Against Discrimination, N.J.S.A. § 10:5-1 *et seq., protects employees against sexual harassment and provides a powerful remedy for those who are made to endure harassment. It is important to remember that sexual harassment is not limited to people of a single gender or sexual orientation. 
*What is sexual harassment?* 
There are two distinct, but equally damaging, forms of sexual harassment: 
*Quid Pro Quo Harassment.* 
This type of harassment occurs when a superior suggests or demands sexual favors in exchange for a favorable employment action (such as a raise or a promotion) or to prevent an adverse action (such as being fired or demoted). 
*Hostile Working Environment.* 
An employee is subjected to a hostile working environment when she is forced to suffer sexually explicit language, visible pornography, offensive touching or other unacceptable practices in the workplace.


Sexual harassment in the workplace is also a punishable offense under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. 

*
Hostile Working Environment is defined under this act: *

More recently, the U.S. Supreme Court formally recognized a second type of sexual harassment, referred to as "hostile work environment" harassment. Unlike quid pro quo harassment, hostile work environment harassment is actionable even in the absence of any economic effect upon an employee's job status or employment. Employer conduct which is actionable under this type of harassment has been characterized in a variety of ways, perhaps most succintly in the guidelines of the EEOC promulgated in 1980: 
"Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors *and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitutes sexual harassment when . . . such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual's work performance or creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive working environment."* 

State courts as well as federal courts have given great deference to these administrative guidelines. 

_*Hope this helps....*_


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## soleil3313 (May 9, 2008)

Phil - You KNOW you're right. You KNOW he's wrong. You're taking the high road. I'm extremely happy to hear this and wish you nothing but the best if this does end up becoming a legal issue. 

Some people will never realize that the professional and the personal sides of life are kept separate for a reason....From what I gather, you were a great manager...why would he want to hurt and lose such a good employee? Does he know how business works?:doh:

Thanks for sharing your story. Hugs to you, and I hope you give Carla a big kiss from all of us at Dims.....best of luck.


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## alienlanes (May 9, 2008)

Absolutely appalling.

Phil, I haven't met you in person or interacted with you on the boards very much, but I've always respected you, and never more so than right now. You and Carla will be in my thoughts.

My $0.02 on the lawsuit, coming from someone who doesn't know much about the law but does know a great deal about recordkeeping, is that you should be documenting everything in as much detail as possible. Dates of conversations, saved emails, anything you can legally get your hands that can prove a pattern of bad behavior. If it does come to a lawsuit, there's no such thing as too much admissible evidence. Like the band said -- show no mercy.


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## BigBeautifulMe (May 9, 2008)

Phil, I gave you rep last night and said something similar, but I wanted to comment here, too. 

You and Carla are amazing people, and it was my privilege to meet you both. I'm so sorry this has happened. People are SO freaked out by confident fat women...it's really disgusting how they react.

I had the word "BBW" in a description of myself on my own website once, and I was threatened with "firing" from a group I volunteered for because "If the girls google it, porn comes up." Give me a break. If I say I'm blonde and they google THAT, porn comes up. If you google ANYTHING related to women, porn comes up. 

Apparently I'm still not over my anger related to that, sorry. So yeah, I can only IMAGINE how it would feel to be treated like that in a career environment. I wish you luck with your lawsut - PLEASE keep us up to date, as I can't wait to see these fuckers nailed to the wall. 

ETA: My favorite comment was "Have you taken down that reference to Big-Butted Women or whatever it was on your website yet?" :doh:


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## AnnMarie (May 9, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> People are SO freaked out by confident fat women...it's really disgusting how they react.



You got that right!


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## wrestlingguy (May 10, 2008)

I want to thank *everyone* who responded here. It means a lot to both Carla and me.

Several days ago, this community seemed somewhat divided to me. Some venom was being spewed, and I hoped and prayed that the good folks who come here to participate wouldn't fragment over the issue being discussed.

I am happy and amazed to see that people from both sides of that issue have responded to this thread in a positive way. I find that conciliatory, and feel that in spite of our many differences, we are a family, and while we may fight like family amongst ourselves, when one of us is attacked, we are there to help and defend.

I have given my notice to my employer. I don't expect to be employed by them by Monday. I have written to the Vice President to advise him of my former boss' reprehensible actions. A Cease & Desist letter will be sent certified mail on Monday.

I will update all of you if anything further develops. I think Carla and I would prefer that it just go away, but may have no other recourse but to take legal action if this idiot is allowed to continue with what I've described in my original post.

Thanks again to all of you.


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## dragorat (May 10, 2008)

*After reading all the posts here,I've pondered a few things.1st off,did your superior ever do anything else to make you feel uncomfortable or to make you feel he was uncomfortable with you.If so there is the possibility he did all this hoping for some kind of outburst from you so you could be removed because he was actually fearing for his position with the company.He very well may have been worried that you were SO good at your job that his may be in jeopardy of you being promoted to it.That being said let me say the few conversations I've had with you & the lovely Carla have been very enjoyable.I find you both intelligent,outgoing people.1 of the 1st pics I ever saw of Carla was the 1 your X-Boss is passing around & I find it to be very beautiful!Best of luck with the new job & whatever else comes from this situation.
Your Brother in Wrestling & Love of BIG beauties,
Dragorat*


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## EtobicokeFA (May 10, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> I want to thank *everyone* who responded here. It means a lot to both Carla and me.
> 
> Several days ago, this community seemed somewhat divided to me. Some venom was being spewed, and I hoped and prayed that the good folks who come here to participate wouldn't fragment over the issue being discussed.
> 
> ...



Well good luck to you, and I hope that this all ends up in a satisfactory end.


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## Violet_Beauregard (May 10, 2008)

First off Phil (and Carla), I'm absolutely appalled that this has happened. I've not met either of you in person, but quite honestly, I don't need to. I've been on Dimensions for just over a year, and Phil, you have been nothing but kind, courteous, and a true gentleman since day one for me. If you treat everyone the way you treated me, who was a complete stranger, then you don't deserve the way this guy has treated you... and in turn, Carla.

BINGO BINGO BINGO.... I have to completely agree with DumbAssBunny. Everything in this post is right on the money. What happened, to me, is absolutely Defamation of Character. This guy found Carla's pics and site and proceeded to attempt to embarass you both, in turn publicly "ruining your reputation" so-to-speak. I also have to agree with Dianna (SocialBFly) and note that the guy was knowingly viewing "porn" on the job... and included other employees in the action. 

I respect the idea that you and Carla would like it to just go away, but I think the principle of the thing is what is at stake. What Carla does as a second job has absolutely NO bearing on you or your ability to perform your job. Period. He had NO right to bring it up to you, and even LESS right to advertise it to other employees in the work place. As I said... clearly he was attempting to embarass you both. I think it pays to at least seek the counsel of at attorney and find out what the options may or may not be.

In the mean time, I wish you the best of luck on your new job. I agree with the others in that I'm proud you stood up for Carla. Though I'm not surprised you did. You are a gentleman Phil, and you should be proud of that.

I hope you and Carla get through this as unscathed as possible. I'm sure it hasn't been easy, and I doubt it will be a cake-walk in the future, but I'm sure you'll both do it with dignity.

I wish you both all the luck in the world, and please remember that we'll all be here to give you the love and support that you deserve.

Hugs,

Christine






DumbAssBunny said:


> I am very sorry that this happened to you. As I see it, this is
> 
> DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER,
> 
> ...






Yes, Defamation of Character DOES apply here. The guy deliberately tried to make Phil look bad to other employees. THAT is "defaming" someone's character. 




RKC said:


> This suit will be almost impossible to win. First, you have not been defamed, so the defamation of character lawsuit is out.
> 
> Second, you do not have a claim for sexual harassment. This has not been based on sex.
> 
> ...


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## NancyGirl74 (May 10, 2008)

Not sure what else it left to say because everyone has already said it...but I too send my support and love. ((((Hugs for you both))))


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## Blockierer (May 11, 2008)

Frightening story. :shocked:
I do not know how many of my acquaintances have found my pics and posts in fat related sites. 
As soon people know my wife is fat the light turns green and they accept it, that was my thinking till now. Obviously, was I thought is wrong.


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## stan_der_man (May 11, 2008)

What your former boss and co-workers did to you is wrong on so many levels Phil. I don't know you personally but from our exchanges and from what I have read about you and Carla you two seem like wonderful people who absolutely should not be treated this way.

Half a semester of law school certainly doesn't make me a legal expert, but I would almost wonder if the simple fact that your boss referred to Carla's modeling being "porn" is slander in and of itself? If there aren't any photographs of Carla that meet the definition of "pornography" in the state of New Jersey where you live, than your boss's statements (and what he appears to have told your co-workers) is clearly false. The tricky part would be showing what damages you incurred as a result of his statements and actions (possibly lost sales... your income lost while changing employment?)

One way or another, I'm glad you have new employment, I wish you guys the best and like the others here I want to show my support!


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## wrestlingguy (May 15, 2008)

*I officially resigned yesterday!* I had a private meeting with one of the owners of the company for my exit interview. They tried to make a run to get me to stay with the company.

The question that I asked was, who would I be reporting to? He said I would report to my boss, the one I had the problem with. So I then asked how would that make it right? He said my boss felt horrible about what happened, and that he was willing to apologize to both Carla and me in person, and in writing. I said I didn't think I could work for him anymore, and that I'll be moving on to another position in my industry.

In an effort to make things better, the owner informed me that he had enrolled both my boss, and HIS boss in employee relations classes, so they could become more sensitive to their subordinates. He likened his company to a fraternity, where the boys could basically do & say whatever they wanted. I reminded him that while the company has been in existence for 73 years, the laws have changed, and the fraternity atmosphere had to stop, or they would end up with more than just me calling an attorney.

He then tried to mitigate the actions of my boss by claiming that I may have said something to one of my customers about Carla's website. I asked him if he had a specific customer in mind, and when he told me, I laughed. My customer's wife had WLS about 2 years ago, and is gaining the weight back, and mentioned to me that she is getting the "evil stares" again from the rest of the world. I reminded her back in March that we were holding a mini bash here in NJ, and that she and her husband were more than welcome to come for the weekend. I gave her the website for the event, and she actually bookmarked it. So, I took the wind out of their sails, unloaded my truck with all of their samples, marketing vehicles, literature, and hit the road, unemployed, but happy knowing that I'll be in a better place on Monday, free of the bullshit that this company put Carla and I through for 2 and a half years.

Thanks to all of you for your comments and support.


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## mango (May 15, 2008)

*Hi Phil,

I've chance had a chance to read & reply to this whole thread now.

Shocking to see your now ex-employer do this to you and Carla.

I'm not up to speed on NJ employment laws and there may be legal avenues to seek under sexual harrassment laws. As Stan and others have also suggested, you may also be able to sue for some sort of defamation if he referred to what Carla does as porn, but it depends exactly what exactly has been said and whether there is evidence of it in writing (i.e. the email with attachments).

Your ex-boss has slandered you and Carla's name in your workplace and among your work colleagues & peers and defamed your wife by possibly referring to what she does as hardcore porn. Some may consider it softcore porn, but it would be interesting to get a legal opinion on the whole matter.

I hope your new job provides a better working environment and the same or better financial opportunities! 

I'll be interested to hear on further developments, so please keep me posted.

I wish you all the best!
Good luck!

*


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## soleil3313 (May 15, 2008)

Congrats on getting out of there Phil!

Best of luck with the new company!


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## pendulous (May 20, 2008)

That is ridiculous. Best of luck


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## pagan22 (May 20, 2008)

That is extremely unprofessional and he must be made an example of.


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## superodalisque (May 21, 2008)

all i can say is that i hope there is a way to sue the boots off this guy! what childish behavior! you know what its really about. its all jealousy. you have such a beautiful wife whom he had met. he knew she was sweet and now he knows she has physical self confidence. people actually pay to see her. i bet he can't even get his wife/girlfriend to take her clothes off in a lighted room. so in his sad little life he had to take a stab at you and marr something idyllic. hey but karma is a bitch and it takes a while for mentally immature people to learn that. 

having said all of that, i hope that the move you made will hold some wonderful gift you hadn't forseen. things kind of go like that sometimes. maybe he did you a big favor. its odd how stuff works out for the best sometimes.

anyway you know that i think you guys are the sweetest. how could good things not happen to both of you. maybe this is just the universes way of putting you in the right position for something great to happen. if nothing else, all of the good wishes surrounding you guys should be making you feel pretty good about now.

big hugs to both of you


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## superodalisque (May 21, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> *I officially resigned yesterday!* I had a private meeting with one of the owners of the company for my exit interview. They tried to make a run to get me to stay with the company.
> 
> The question that I asked was, who would I be reporting to? He said I would report to my boss, the one I had the problem with. So I then asked how would that make it right? He said my boss felt horrible about what happened, and that he was willing to apologize to both Carla and me in person, and in writing. I said I didn't think I could work for him anymore, and that I'll be moving on to another position in my industry.
> 
> ...



this offer is a red flag. anytime they offer to send anyone to sensitivity classes they know they're in real trouble. they aren't cheap. he knows he is up a legal shit creek i think. i bet he believes this offer will circumvent your suing for creating a hostile work environment.


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## pagan22 (May 21, 2008)

Best of luck in your new job!!! =D


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## Chimpi (May 22, 2008)

Very glad to hear that it's gone pretty well for you (the whole leaving / meeting situation).  Thanks very much for keeping us updated!


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## pendulous (May 22, 2008)

CG_8 said:


> Best of luck in your new job!!! =D



Hear, hear!


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## Bagalute (May 22, 2008)

Okay, I'm late with this and can only repeat what others have already said:
Congrats for showing backbone and best of luck for both of you!


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## lypeaches (May 23, 2008)

I'm late too. A horrifying situation...I'm so glad that you were able to get out of there and hopefully get back to a peaceful life. 

My only comment, is that I think these guys would have done essentially the same thing if Carla was a size 4. The comments may have taken a different tone, to be sure, but I would bet dollars to donuts that they still would have passed the photos around regardless of Carla's size. Just my opinion.

PS I recognize that swimsuit...she's rockin' it!


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## Kortana (May 23, 2008)

I worked for years in that "Boys Club" sales environment- even though my sales were much higher than the men's I was never accepted, I have a sneaking suspision is was beause of weight more so than being a woman. So I walked away and went to a more professional company.

A good sales person can sell anywhere and take away the stress from the last job and I am positive you will thrive in your new position. Now you will be able to fous on the more important things that stressing about those jerks!

Best of luck on the new job and way to go for having your say!!!


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## rob1974 (May 24, 2008)

in my opinion, you're one of the luckiest guys in the world to be married to carla....as you probably realize....jobs come and go but a beautiful woman like your wife is tough to find. 
don't let the haters of the world consume you(esp. with drawn out legal issues)....ask the lord to change any bitter or hatred of your boss and coworkers and turn it into love and than move on.
life is too short to let others ruin your happiness. In my opinion, you shouldn't have resigned. You let your thoughts about what others think about you and your wife rule your domain(mind)....don't make that mistake again. anywhere you go people are always judging, although it is not within their authority or place to do so. You can't let it affect you, esp. your career and relationship.
Remain strong. You are a good guy from the posts i've read of yours.


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## Amatrix (May 27, 2008)

I dont know you or your wife personally. But I wish I did. Really and honestly you have helped me in ways I dont understand.I am looking forward to getting to know you both, as amazing awesome people.

I have seen your wife's picture, the one you posted in the start of this thread. I had no idea that was her until I actually saw this thread. I always thought the picture was sexy, and empowering to me. Her smile in the picture really made me interested in body acceptance and later body size pride.

If there is anything I can do; personally, or professionally, let me know. You are a pretty connected man and could have these insensitive peoples heads on silver platter if you so wished.

You're right though, this is not the lol interwebz.When I read this a few days ago I thought about what to say to you, and thought maybe I should have called. I didn't want to intrude on such a personal issue and "HAY- how is it going? Sorry to hear about the assholes!" does not seem like the most appealing conversation to me.

Your wife is a doll. She is talented, beautiful, and most of SMART. You are tenacious and kind to those who are kind, you are the modern day super hero. You are both super cool people who do not deserve to be treated like that, ever. In fact most of the people here that I have spoken to dont deserve it either. I was really angry and even brought it up to several friends.

Push for whatever you can, at the least someone somewhere will hear about how this person treated you. To me, that is worth something. Your ex-bosses humiliation should be brought up to others. And the way everyone treated it, forgetting about the friend who brought it to your attention, was very appalling to me.Shame on him.

The word forgive sounds nice, but I do not see the point. 
Congrats though on moving on, securing a job else where.
And kudos for pressing the lawsuit.

You both are in my thoughts.


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## ThikJerseyChik (Nov 28, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> this offer is a red flag. anytime they offer to send anyone to sensitivity classes they know they're in real trouble. they aren't cheap. he knows he is up a legal shit creek i think. i bet he believes this offer will circumvent your suing for creating a hostile work environment.



First time I am seeing this thread...and I totally agree with everyone and wanted to extend my support. By now, your new position has been in full swing and I would like to think that it was the BEST move you ever made to get away from those morons.

I also agree with the quote above. 

Hold your head high. Carla is a very lucky woman!

Chik


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## KHayes666 (Nov 29, 2008)

damn, I had forgotten all about this thread....Phil's in a much better place now I imagine


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