# FA Myths Thread #12



## Jon Blaze (Aug 9, 2011)

*"With all FA's (male or female) bigger automatically means better. "*

I did clarify with the person that suggested this myth that it has multiple interpretations. One of which is that it is a myth that all FAs are automatically into gaining. 

Feel free to input!


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## Fat Brian (Aug 9, 2011)

I know that this isn't necessarily true for me. For me there is more to the attraction than overall size, shape plays a big role in what is attractive to me. I don't have a "magic number" that must be met before I'm interested, the same weight can look vastly different on every person. Therefore a number isn't really indicative of if I find a person attractive, its almost like what was said about pornography, I know it when I see it.

I'm not a strict FA though, what attracts me to a person first is the face. If the face is good I can work happily with a range body sizes as long as there is a little something good happening. I definitely sought out a fat partner but if I had fallen for someone smaller unexpectedly it wouldn't be the end of my world.

As far as gaining goes, I hate anything with a process or ritual involved, I'm just not dedicated enough. My wife gas gained about 130 lbs since we've been together but I haven't done much to assist her. For me its far more interesting to take more of an observer role, that way she eats or doesn't eat whatever she wants. So far I can't complain about the results.


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## bmann0413 (Aug 12, 2011)

Whoa, that is so not true. Some bigger women I know are some of the most mean-hearted, jerky people I know! For me, it's all about personality. Be ye big, small, short, or tall, if you have a great personality, I think you're extremely awesome and attractive. Inner beauty counts a little more than outer beauty, y'know. I mean, yeah, you gotta look decent, but still.


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## tigerlily (Aug 12, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> I know that this isn't necessarily true for me. For me there is more to the attraction than overall size, shape plays a big role in what is attractive to me. I don't have a "magic number" that must be met before I'm interested, the same weight can look vastly different on every person. Therefore a number isn't really indicative of if I find a person attractive, its almost like what was said about pornography, I know it when I see it.
> 
> I'm not a strict FA though, what attracts me to a person first is the face. If the face is good I can work happily with a range body sizes as long as there is a little something good happening. I definitely sought out a fat partner but if I had fallen for someone smaller unexpectedly it wouldn't be the end of my world.
> 
> As far as gaining goes, I hate anything with a process or ritual involved, I'm just not dedicated enough. My wife gas gained about 130 lbs since we've been together but I haven't done much to assist her. For me its far more interesting to take more of an observer role, that way she eats or doesn't eat whatever she wants. So far I can't complain about the results.



Basically, everything said is true for me as well, which is why I brought it up. I was starting to wonder if I was an exception amongst exceptions, but it's great to see someone who feels the same way able to state it all more eloquently. For me, I don't have an issue with gainers. For the most part, I think it's very empowering to take control over your own body, but for that same reason, I'm not into making someone else's body do something just because I'm diggin' on the superficial results. 

I think I've stated before that the face is one of the most important things for me. 




bmann0413 said:


> Whoa, that is so not true. Some bigger women I know are some of the most mean-hearted, jerky people I know! For me, it's all about personality. Be ye big, small, short, or tall, if you have a great personality, I think you're extremely awesome and attractive. Inner beauty counts a little more than outer beauty, y'know. I mean, yeah, you gotta look decent, but still.



Right! Ya gotta look presentable, or have presentable potential. I mean I've met guys who were just off of their shift and do dirty work. S'okay with me as long as he's got a good outlook. 



*Goofy*Girl* said:


> Absolutely not!
> One scumbag I was with a couple of years ago had a 220 lb. weight limit. (I was 300+ at the time.)
> It took me a while to find out it was because he weighed 220 & didn't want someone bigger than him. Why he asked me out in the first place, I'll never know.



Jeez! O_O I had been the subject of a larger mans cruelty before and it completely threw me for a loop, because he had the reputation of being "the sweet guy".


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## Webmaster (Aug 12, 2011)

Somewhat unrelated, but pertaining: I continue to have mixed feelings about the implementation of the FA/FFA and BBW forums. We usually get complaints pretty much every time a male posts anything in the BBW forum, whereas in the FA/FFA forum the general pattern is that a FA says something, and then three BBWs comment on it. That's not inherently wrong, but it also means it changes the nature of the forum as FAs will think long and hard before they post anything as they just may want to share with fellow FAs, and not risk getting analyzed and reprimanded for the way they feel and see the world.


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## disconnectedsmile (Aug 12, 2011)

Webmaster said:


> ...as FAs will think long and hard before they post anything as they just may want to share with fellow FAs, and not risk getting analyzed and reprimanded for the way they feel and see the world.



this happens a lot in other sections of DIMs, too.
it's one reason why i don't post as often as a i used to, in any section of the site.


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## bettylulu (Aug 12, 2011)

Webmaster said:


> Somewhat unrelated, but pertaining: I continue to have mixed feelings about the implementation of the FA/FFA and BBW forums. We usually get complaints pretty much every time a male posts anything in the BBW forum, whereas in the FA/FFA forum the general pattern is that a FA says something, and then three BBWs comment on it. That's not inherently wrong, but it also means it changes the nature of the forum as FAs will think long and hard before they post anything as they just may want to share with fellow FAs, and not risk getting analyzed and reprimanded for the way they feel and see the world.



Really? That's sad. I guess I can understand complaining if the comments are inappropriate in some way, but to complain just because a man posted there is silly, IMO. Aren't most of us here because we want to interact with people who understand what we go through, whether they be bbws, bhm, FAs, FFAs or whatever? But maybe that's just me.


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## The Orange Mage (Aug 12, 2011)

disconnectedsmile said:


> this happens a lot in other sections of DIMs, too.
> it's one reason why i don't post as often as a i used to, in any section of the site.



Agreed 100%. Well, there's some other personal contributing factors (not wanting to fill the forums up with my whinings) but eh, he's got it.


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## Fat Brian (Aug 12, 2011)

I try not to allow the thought police to keep me from posting something if I feel its important, but I do admit that I try to be very careful to word things in a way that won't attract too much attention.


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## kioewen (Aug 13, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> what attracts me to a person first is the face. If the face is good I can work happily with a range body sizes as long as there is a little something good happening.



Yes, I was not surprised by the results of the "Face or Figure?" thread in this forum a while back, in which the majority of respondents said "face." 

I think most FAs have a "sweet spot" or range of weight/fullness that they find most attractive. That range is different for every FA. Below or above that range, there have to be other factors that augment the attractiveness. Let's say that a hypothetical FA is generally attracted to women between 200 and 300 pounds. That doesn't mean that it is impossible for him to find a 150- or 350-pound woman attractive, just that in those cases her face must be that much prettier to override his body-size preference.

I think some FAs are into gaining as an enjoyable phenomenon it itself, but for others, the appeal of gaining likely has to do with the woman getting closer to the ideal size. To reference the example that I give above, of the FA with a 200-300-pound ideal, a woman who is 150 but gaining will be especially attractive because she is getting closer to his ideal. It's the equivalent of a woman who is into muscular guys becoming more attracted to her boyfriend/spouse if he becomes more athletic.


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## kioewen (Aug 13, 2011)

Jon Blaze said:


> *"With all FA's (male or female) bigger automatically means better. "*!



Another way in which this myth is too simplistic is that it doesn't account for whether a figure is soft or "toned." For some FAs, a soft/untoned female figure is at least as attractive as size per se. "Bigger" doesn't take that into account.


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## TimeTraveller (Aug 13, 2011)

disconnectedsmile said:


> this happens a lot in other sections of DIMs, too.
> it's one reason why i don't post as often as a i used to, in any section of the site.





The Orange Mage said:


> Agreed 100%. Well, there's some other personal contributing factors (not wanting to fill the forums up with my whinings) but eh, he's got it.





Fat Brian said:


> I try not to allow the thought police to keep me from posting something if I feel its important, but I do admit that I try to be very careful to word things in a way that won't attract too much attention.


Make that four. The irony is that's exactly why most of my fat advocacy is in other forums which have nothing to do with obesity. Maybe I'd only preach to the choir here anyway.

I don't bring up fat acceptance in other forums, but it seems at least once a month someone manages to include a tirade against obesity in a post for whatever reason. I calmly respond that if I'd listened to my parents' anti-fat B.S. I might have never dated the fattest girl in my class, who later became my wonderful wife of 30-plus years. I can also honestly say she was right for me, but I didn't know she would be THIS good. Or — sometimes I simply write that obese people are human too, with all the hopes, needs and desires of everyone else, and most are valuable members of society who happen to be fat. Or — if someone goes on an alarmist rant that obesity ruins health, I try to point out that it's overblown and then joke that the only major health problem I've noticed is that the sight of a very fat, very well-proportioned woman might make me hyperventilate and pass out. Simply writing a positive sentence or two usually makes the fat-haters simmer down — as if they'd never expected their pronouncements to be challenged. Statistically there must be a lot of fat people on those other forums anyway, and I've noticed that after a few words about fat acceptance many of them speak up too.

Last November I discovered Dimensions, and a few months later someone repped me with


> Wonderful post! Such a delight to read something far above the hate-filled arguments that have become standard here; reminds me of the "old Dimensions".


I didn't know what "old Dimensions" meant at the time, but now I do. The past few months I've read most of the boards and the topics seem much more volatile lately. Some members pick apart statements by other members that look perfectly fine to me. I checked about 10 names of some of the more thoughtful and eloquent members in the older posts who aren't around anymore. For whatever reason, 2007 seemed to be the year about half of them simply stopped posting here. The rest stayed a few more years until they gave up too.

Dimensions still looks like the best fat acceptance site on the web, most of the members here seem like great people, and I enjoy reading it. On the other hand I don't really feel comfortable posting here in an environment where a few members have itchy trigger fingers. I'm not surprised several others feel the same. Maybe those volatile members have good reason to dump on people in the real world, but this particular virtual world isn't the place for it.

And so, back to lurk mode. Besides, my occasional low-key advocacy in other venues may be more effective where most people have no concept of fat acceptance or even fat tolerance. I'm definitely not preaching to the choir there, where it can be very satisfying to wring (pun intended) some harmony out of the occasional discord.


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## musicman (Aug 13, 2011)

Webmaster said:


> Somewhat unrelated, but pertaining: I continue to have mixed feelings about the implementation of the FA/FFA and BBW forums. We usually get complaints pretty much every time a male posts anything in the BBW forum, whereas in the FA/FFA forum the general pattern is that a FA says something, and then three BBWs comment on it. That's not inherently wrong, but it also means it changes the nature of the forum as FAs will think long and hard before they post anything as they just may want to share with fellow FAs, and not risk getting analyzed and reprimanded for the way they feel and see the world.



Yes, I've noticed this, and it's a real shame. It's too bad the guy who owns this site doesn't do anything about it. It seems like a few well-placed bans would go a long way toward fixing the problem.


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## disconnectedsmile (Aug 14, 2011)

Webmaster said:


> Somewhat unrelated, but pertaining: I continue to have mixed feelings about the implementation of the FA/FFA and BBW forums. We usually get complaints pretty much every time a male posts anything in the BBW forum, whereas in the FA/FFA forum the general pattern is that a FA says something, and then three BBWs comment on it. That's not inherently wrong, but it also means it changes the nature of the forum as FAs will think long and hard before they post anything as they just may want to share with fellow FAs, and not risk getting analyzed and reprimanded for the way they feel and see the world.





mossystate said:


> I am surprised this bit of misogyny is allowed on the fa forum, since the rules state such things aren't allowed? I am only posting to point this out.



i'll just leave these here.


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## Jon Blaze (Aug 14, 2011)

On topic folks. Please. We can discuss these issues another time.


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## MrRabbit (Aug 15, 2011)

I am an FA and I am not into gaining. I don't have a "minimum weight", but rather a "minimum shape" (if that makes sense), and once that is met it doesn't matter much whether a woman gains weight, loses or stays the same. 

Having said that, I find women gaining weight by their own choice extra attractive, but that has nothing to do with feeding, weight goals etc. It simply is because I am attracted to women who are confident with their weight, and for me, a woman gaining weight on purpose is somehow the summum of that confidence.


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## KHayes666 (Aug 15, 2011)

Another myth.

Both Jon and I will attest that people look great no matter what size they are. His current g/f is the same size as my ex and my ex and I didn't split because of her looks.

If someone is totally awesome, doesn't really matter what size they are.


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## Fat Brian (Aug 15, 2011)

MrRabbit said:


> I am an FA and I am not into gaining. I don't have a "minimum weight", but rather a "minimum shape" (if that makes sense), and once that is met it doesn't matter much whether a woman gains weight, loses or stays the same.
> 
> Having said that, I find women gaining weight by their own choice extra attractive, but that has nothing to do with feeding, weight goals etc. It simply is because I am attracted to women who are confident with their weight, and for me, a woman gaining weight on purpose is somehow the summum of that confidence.



This is how I am. If you have a nice shape I don't care if you're 120 or 520, although there is an extra level of attraction for bigger women.

Its like there are the basics of attraction, pretty face, nice butt, nice boobs, nice legs, and so on. Some small women have these things down and find them attractive.

Then there is another level, a level only attainable by BBWs/SSBBWs, elbow dimples, double chin, cellulite, stretch marks, knee rolls, upper arm rolls, knuckle dimples, chubby fingers, hanging belly, double belly, cankles, back rolls, side rolls, side boob rolls, upper thigh rolls, and on and on. Add these things to the basics and you can have a seriously sexy big woman. I think this is where the extra attraction to bigger women comes from, its all of these things added to the usual aspects of an attractive woman.

Now naturally this is just from the physical side of things, the mental/emotional side is far more complex and harder to quantify.


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## LoveBHMS (Aug 18, 2011)

The whole point of pointing out something as a myth is to say it's not always true.

I'm sure even for guys who think fat girls aren't attractive, they are not going to think that a girl can never be too thin or that there's no point at which weight loss might become excessive.

It's pretty obvious that not everyone is into weight gain. The issue here though is that Dims is not necessarily a perfect representation of all FAs, even though a lot of us wish it were. The mere fact that those of us who are into weight gain or who do think "bigger is always better" can be open about it makes Dims unique. So it seems possible that there are more posts or expressions on Dims than in other venues that somebody wants to see gaining or that bigger is always better without regard to any other attributes.


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## tigerlily (Aug 24, 2011)

kioewen said:


> Yes, I was not surprised by the results of the "Face or Figure?" thread in this forum a while back, in which the majority of respondents said "face."
> 
> I think most FAs have a "sweet spot" or range of weight/fullness that they find most attractive. That range is different for every FA. Below or above that range, there have to be other factors that augment the attractiveness. Let's say that a hypothetical FA is generally attracted to women between 200 and 300 pounds. That doesn't mean that it is impossible for him to find a 150- or 350-pound woman attractive, just that in those cases her face must be that much prettier to override his body-size preference.
> 
> I think some FAs are into gaining as an enjoyable phenomenon it itself, but for others, the appeal of gaining likely has to do with the woman getting closer to the ideal size. To reference the example that I give above, of the FA with a 200-300-pound ideal, a woman who is 150 but gaining will be especially attractive because she is getting closer to his ideal. It's the equivalent of a woman who is into muscular guys becoming more attracted to her boyfriend/spouse if he becomes more athletic.




I think this is actually applicable outside of F/FAs too. Most people will exchange and compromise, not only with each other but with themselves until they arrive at something they're comfortable with. I think of it like scales.


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## BigFA (Aug 24, 2011)

For me its all about the looks, personality and size of someone. It doesn't matter how big a woman may be, if they do not have an attractive face and hair to start with or a pleasent personality, they could have a terrific body by my standards but I just would not be all that attracted. If a woman is gorgeous but is not a BBW or SSBBW, I can certainly admire her beauty for what it is, but I won't be sexually attracted to her. My ideal would be anyone who is nice looking with an engaging personality and weighs between 225 and 400 lbs. Its all about the total person.


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## Fox (Aug 25, 2011)

Webmaster said:


> Somewhat unrelated, but pertaining: I continue to have mixed feelings about the implementation of the FA/FFA and BBW forums. We usually get complaints pretty much every time a male posts anything in the BBW forum, whereas in the FA/FFA forum the general pattern is that a FA says something, and then three BBWs comment on it. That's not inherently wrong, but it also means it changes the nature of the forum as FAs will think long and hard before they post anything as they just may want to share with fellow FAs, and not risk getting analyzed and reprimanded for the way they feel and see the world.



I actually remember a time a couple years ago when I first joined this site and it wasn't like that. I remember when I could post on the BBW forum and they were happy to receive my input, and they posted on the FA forum and I was happy to receive their input. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I hope we don't have to ban anyone over this. 

As for my feelings regarding the topic, I'm not exclusively into bigger women, but I definitely prefer them. I usually have to be in the mood for a thinner girl, but a couple of them have made my heart sing. I once dated this very thin girl, and I never thought of her as a potential gf before, but she was always nice to me, she was one of the only ones there for me when my friend killed himself, and she always cared. I decided to ask her out and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. She was sweet, cuddly, kept my heart warm in a cold world, and she was an AMAZING poet! OMG She always knew how to touch my heart and make me tear up!
I cherished what we had for a long time, and there were times I stood up for her against BBW sized girls who bullied her.

In other words, bodies one is attracted to are nice, but nothing beats a real loving relationship. I just want to be able to find a BBW girl I can feel the same way with (and no, she doesn't HAVE to be a poet). ^_^


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## mithrandirjn (Aug 25, 2011)

Faces really do determine things for me, like other guys have said. Beautiful face means attraction in 99% of cases in my life, from sizes ranging from very slim to very big.

I'm honestly not a huge FA in practice; that isn't to say I'm against dating a big woman, as I have done so in the past, and I certainly enjoy things like the bash parties, but leave me to my own devices and I'm just as likely to wind up most interested in a woman who just has a nice face and curves I find attractive, even if she's not fat at all. 

Again, though, there are a number of big women I find attractive, and sometimes the "bigger is better" _fantasy_ can be fun, but it doesn't really do much for me in reality.


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## bbwsrule (Aug 27, 2011)

I do think some very large women look great -- a few web models come to mind. I'll echo an early sentiment that if a woman gains voluntarily and happily (and healthily) that is very hot, but not really otherwise. I also am a big "face" guy, and huge on the personality and compatibility. And, the figure overall is important also. Many thin women are stunningly beautiful but I don't feel as aroused by them as by a comparably beautiful, well-proportioned, larger woman.

So bottom line -- gaining is not in any way necessary. I'd much rather have a happy and healthy wife.


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## The Orange Mage (Aug 27, 2011)

My answer is that for myself, assuming everyone involved is happy and healthy with it, yes.


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## Elfcat (Aug 28, 2011)

Jon Blaze said:


> *"With all FA's (male or female) bigger automatically means better. "*
> 
> I did clarify with the person that suggested this myth that it has multiple interpretations. One of which is that it is a myth that all FAs are automatically into gaining.
> 
> Feel free to input!



At least to my own experience, past a certain level of fatness it is neither better nor worse, but more of the same as far as attractiveness goes. On the other hand, I am also turned on by a fat woman's body in motion, and so there's some countervailing balance. I've never been turned on to gaining per se. If a fat woman who loses weight is still fat I'm pretty sure I'd still turn on to her. And if she was doing a lot of physical activity while doing this, that would turn me on as well. Of course if she was doing such activity and stayed the same weight or gained it wouldn't really be any different.


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## J_Underscore (Sep 30, 2011)

To me, the 'You're bigger, thats means you're better' could be said about not a bbw but just a skinny girl with big boobs. Basically its all about the personality and chemistry between two people.


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## elroycohen (Sep 30, 2011)

The myth is just that, a myth, for me anyway. I find different women attractive for different reasons. There are just too many variables for the "bigger is better" motto to work for me in all cases across the board.


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## Kenster102.5 (Oct 12, 2011)

Hey man depending on what the girl is wearing, and how her attitude is, and as long as she average or larger, I am fine with that. I notice average weighted chicks too. 

In my case I would say 300 Lbs is as far as I would venture. 

I remember when my aunt died she was around 300, me and my mother found her face down and could not roll her over easily, but she had died earlier, and usually bodies which are cold or unconscious are somewhat heavier.


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## JMCGB (Oct 15, 2011)

disconnectedsmile said:


> this happens a lot in other sections of DIMs, too.
> it's one reason why i don't post as often as a i used to, in any section of the site.



Just one of the many reasons I stayed away for so long.


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