# Dims consolation prize



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

I think it was established some time back that the official consolation prize for a worthy poster when repping isn't possible is a picture of a haggis. :eat2:

Feel free to jack this pic when you need to honor a particularly devastating riposte:


----------



## thatgirl08 (Nov 21, 2008)

What the hell is that?


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> What the hell is that?



That, my dear, is the national dish of Scotland.


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 21, 2008)

For a more detailed description...
There are many recipes, most of which have in common the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately three hours. Yummmm :eat1:


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 21, 2008)

It either looks like a knife through an hapless endangered Desert Tortoise, or through an intellectually hapless brain... either way I think it works.


Personally, I think this thread is a good counterbalance to Edgar's "Forum Compassion Thread" which is all Yang and no Yin. This thread helps to re-achieve balance to Dimensions.

Kudos to you Lala! :bow:



BTW... that reminds me, I've totally neglected the thread which you graciously created for me Lala... It's been a while since I've ragged on the Non-Californians amongst us...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

daddyoh70 said:


> For a more detailed description...
> There are many recipes, most of which have in common the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately three hours. Yummmm :eat1:



Thank you daddyoh -- that description only underscores the undeniable allure of this most maligned delicacy.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 21, 2008)

Lala dear,

Not to be offensive (well, OK, my aim is to offend ... damn it) but ...

I think I'd rather pluck MY OWN stomach out of my body with aid of nothing but a rusty butter knife, marinade it with my own intestines, and then eat it raw 'n bloody ... 

.... then go anywhere near that culinary mess you've pictured here.

Just sayin'.

Disclaimer to my loverly Scottish friends: Please feel free to poke fun at the American pastime of eating pork & beef hooves & anuses in the form of hot dogs.


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 21, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> That, my dear, is the national dish of Scotland.





daddyoh70 said:


> For a more detailed description...
> There are many recipes, most of which have in common the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately three hours. Yummmm :eat1:



Ooh... just caught the update. Thx!


Couldn't taste any worse than cheap sardines... It's amazing what the Scots eat... a tough breed they are! :bow:


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

*Freedom!!!!!!!!!!!*





















for the haggi!


----------



## mossystate (Nov 21, 2008)

I choose to see a dark and white chocolate Easter egg.


I also tend to not open credit card bills.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 21, 2008)

I wish I could remember the name of the stuff the Scots eat for breakfast...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

mossystate said:


> I choose to see a dark and white chocolate Easter egg.
> 
> 
> I also tend to not open credit card bills.



You go on living in your happy little dream-world, thinking that the haggis will not come...for you...

















The haggis comes for us all, eventually.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> I wish I could remember the name of the stuff the Scots eat for breakfast...



Neeps and tatties? I think...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Lala dear,
> 
> Not to be offensive (well, OK, my aim is to offend ... damn it) but ...
> 
> ...



TraciJo, that sounds delish. I'll bring the box of Franzia. Did you notice? I haggised you in Hyde Park.



















Haggis is here.


----------



## imfree (Nov 21, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> It .....snipped......
> 
> Personally, I think this thread is a good counterbalance to Edgar's "Forum Compassion Thread" which is all Yang and no Yin. This thread helps to re-achieve balance to Dimensions.
> ......snipped........
> .



No, Stan, the compassion thread was actually created
to counterbalance the rumble thread. It would take
many threads of light to balance DimmerLand, in fact,
it would be great if The King of Light would just arrive
to fight The Battle of Dimmergeddon, win, of course,
and make things really right.


*Just some snarkieness, for fun.


----------



## mossystate (Nov 21, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> You go on living in your happy little dream-world, thinking that the haggis will not come...for you...
> The haggis comes for us all, eventually.




And he plans on pummeling us with trophies.


----------



## mossystate (Nov 21, 2008)

.....................so my post got all fucked up....he is still comin' for us.


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 21, 2008)

imfree said:


> No, Stan, the compassion thread was actually created
> to counterbalance the rumble thread. It would take
> many threads of light to balance DimmerLand, in fact,
> it would be great if The King of Light would just arrive
> ...


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 21, 2008)

Is the above correct usage of the haggis... ^


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

Edgar-- I reckon my fleet of mega-haggises could vanquish your mindless chiabots in a battle for the universe.






























Haggis is a force for good.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> Is the above correct usage of the haggis... ^



Yes, well-done Stan. 

Wait until you see what I'm putting together for this year's grade school Christmas pageant -- let's just say that the baby Jesus will be getting a visit this December from the Three Hagi...


----------



## Elfcat (Nov 21, 2008)

Now I'm a meat eater, but I have never actually tried haggis. It sounds like one of those things that is just insane enough to work.

Of course, so did William Wallace's campaign.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 21, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Neeps and tatties? I think...


Nah, it was just one word... Some kind of pap/mash... made with porridge oats or something like that...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

This thread won't really take off until the Scots contingent arrives to regale us with magical tales about their fairy-studded land of unicorns and wee elfin creatures and such. In the mean time, did you know that haggis was used as a weapon in ancient Scotland? Week-old haggises were loaded into the trebuchet to bomb the English. Maybe.


----------



## imfree (Nov 21, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Edgar-- I reckon my fleet of mega-haggises could vanquish your mindless chiabots in a battle for the universe.
> ...snipped excessive spaces.......
> 
> Haggis is a force for good.



I'm the only ChiaHead out here, with half a mind left.
The rest of us are a bunch of playful, drunken
babbling fool, but peaceful ChiaHeads, locked away
in the ChiaAsy....., I mean ChiaSanctuary. Go attack
some race that is actually a danger to you.


----------



## Ernest Nagel (Nov 21, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Disclaimer to my loverly Scottish friends: Please feel free to poke fun at the American pastime of eating pork & beef hooves & anuses in the form of hot dogs.



I've always thought of hot dogs as just tubular haggis for the common man. :eat2:


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 21, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> This thread won't really take off until the Scots contingent arrives to regale us with magical tales about their fairy-studded land of unicorns and wee elfin creatures and such.
> ...



... either that or I would think a good bottle of single malt Scotch would probably suffice.



imfree said:


> ....., I mean ChiaSanctuary. Go attack
> some race that is actually a danger to you.



The weak often times make for good target practice before the real battles begin...


Just sayin'...


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 21, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


>




Is haggis the new chia?

The parallels are disturbing. Both are green.

Also, is that a Scottish ice cream scooper in the middle of it?


----------



## katorade (Nov 21, 2008)

Mmmm, it's like a mouthful of kitty litter and my own vascular system! Nom nom nom!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Is haggis the new chia?
> 
> The parallels are disturbing. Both are green.
> 
> Also, is that a Scottish ice cream scooper in the middle of it?



Santa, as you are still outfitted with your cybernetic implants, maybe you'd like to join the HaggisHeads in annihilating the ChiaHeads once and for all....We will do what the Borg could not.


Edgar's pleas for peace have gone unheeded...now the faithful are girding themselves for a battle to the death.


----------



## imfree (Nov 21, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> ... either that or I would think a good bottle of single malt Scotch would probably suffice.
> 
> The weak often times make for good target practice before the real battles begin...
> 
> Just sayin'...



One thing I haven't yet mentioned is that Nicola Chiala's
(illegitimate) grandson, Rick Chiala, has devised a scalar
electromagnetic protection system for the ChiAsylum! I
don't really think any Borg or robots of any kind should
even be near the door!


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 21, 2008)

So there will be no peace in this thread?


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

katorade said:


> Mmmm, it's like a mouthful of kitty litter and my own vascular system! Nom nom nom!



When we take over we will show our grace and mercy by pardoning all the haggis-haters -- that, and we will teach you to enjoy the all-haggis diet you will be required to eat. In the meantime, I tried to rep you but I couldn't, so....guess what you get...

(a mini-haggis -- you don't get the full-sized one because of your shameful haggis-bashing.)


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> So there will be no peace in this thread?



No haggis, no peace! Chant it with me, people...






















The day of liberation approaches.


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 21, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Santa, as you are still outfitted with your cybernetic implants, maybe you'd like to join the HaggisHeads in annihilating the ChiaHeads once and for all....We will do what the Borg could not.
> Edgar's pleas for peace have gone unheeded...now the faithful are girding themselves for a battle to the death.



I dunno, LaLa. My Chia roots are deep. I've never watched that show with the Borgs, never used the implants and in fact don't know how. I purchased my avatar from Stan for $250.


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 21, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> ...
> I purchased my avatar from Stan for $250.



You were one of the first ones I made Santaclear, I hadn't yet printed out those 100% off coupons..



... bummer.



Anyhoo... What I'm thinking of doing this time around are making avatars with Chia Hats. They are really warm and fuzzy, perhaps even more so than Edgar's "Forum Compassion Thread". Whatduyathink?


----------



## katorade (Nov 21, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> When we take over we will show our grace and mercy by pardoning all the haggis-haters -- that, and we will teach you to enjoy the all-haggis diet you will be required to eat. In the meantime, I tried to rep you but I couldn't, so....guess what you get...
> 
> (a mini-haggis -- you don't get the full-sized one because of your shameful haggis-bashing.)




Ha, can I get a reprieve since I'm probably one of the only people in this thread that's not only eaten haggis, but has attended several celebrations of Burns Supper? Although I'll admit I was there for the men in kilts and the cranachan.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 21, 2008)

Listen, haggis-for-brains -- you're joining!  (edit: not directed at you, Katorade -- that was for anyone who would try to resist assimilation.)





















this time resistance truly is futile.


----------



## katorade (Nov 21, 2008)

Maybe you should mention that where there's haggis, there's usually whiskey and drunk busty women.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Nov 21, 2008)

katorade said:


> Ha, can I get a reprieve since I'm probably one of the only people in this thread that's not only eaten haggis, but has attended several celebrations of Burns Supper? Although I'll admit I was there for the men in kilts and the cranachan.



What women have to put in their mouths in hopes of a good man is one of the age old problems, my dear.


----------



## katorade (Nov 21, 2008)

DumbAssBunny said:


> What women have to put in their mouths in hopes of a good man is one of the age old problems, my dear.



It really isn't so bad once you mix it with mashed potatoes and copious amounts of ketchup, but that could be said for a multitude of foods.

Plus you get to wash it all down with heaping piles of sherry-soaked trifle.:eat2:


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 21, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Listen, haggis-for-brains -- you're joining!  (edit: not directed at you, Katorade -- that was for anyone who would try to resist assimilation.)
> 
> this time resistance truly is futile.



Can you throw in some turducken to sweeten the deal? http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=997223&postcount=23


----------



## CleverBomb (Nov 22, 2008)

...shown here with mashed peas, boiled potatoes, and some bacon.
Yes.
It's lutefisk.
Enjoy!






-Rusty


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 22, 2008)

imfree said:


> I'm the only ChiaHead out here, with half a mind left.
> The rest of us are a bunch of playful, drunken
> babbling fool, but peaceful ChiaHeads, locked away
> in the ChiaAsy....., I mean ChiaSanctuary. Go attack
> some race that is actually a danger to you.


Edgar, even though I was one of the original 4 ChiaHeads of the Apocalypse, I must stray and follow the way of the Haggis. Bearing one of the oldest Scottish names on record (Duncan), I must side with LalaCity and the new breed of HaggisHead. I can't fight it. I must don my Kilt, strike in my pipes and lead the charge.
_'Scots, wha hae wi' Wallace bled, 
Scots, wham Bruce has aften led, 
Welcome tae your gory bed, 
Or tae Victorie! 
'Now's the day, and now's the hour: 
See the front o' battle lour, 
See approach proud Edward's power - 
Chains and Slaverie! 
'Wha will be a traitor knave? 
Wha will fill a coward's grave? 
Wha sae base as be a slave? 
Let him turn and flee! 
'Wha, for Scotland's king and law, 
Freedom's sword will strongly draw, 
Freeman stand, or Freeman fa', 
Let him on wi' me! 
'By Oppression's woes and pains! 
By your sons in servile chains! 
We will drain our dearest veins, 
But they shall be free! 
'Lay the proud usurpers low! 
Tyrants fall in every foe! 
Liberty's in every blow! - 
Let us do or dee!' _


Santaclear said:


> Can you throw in some turducken to sweeten the deal? http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=997223&postcount=23





CleverBomb said:


> ...shown here with mashed peas, boiled potatoes, and some bacon.
> Yes.
> It's lutefisk.
> Enjoy!
> ...


Attempts to hijack the Haggis thread will be met with banishment to the Chia Sanctuary Dungeon where you will be secured there by Jougs for the rest of your life.


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 22, 2008)

For those who really want to know, there's this




I was also thinking of new idea, Birthday Haggis!!! Now when someone here has a birthday, instead of cake, I will be presenting them with the Birthday Haggis


----------



## BBWModel (Nov 22, 2008)

We eat parritch for breakfast. Basically it's oatmeal, LOL



Timberwolf said:


> I wish I could remember the name of the stuff the Scots eat for breakfast...


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 22, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Is haggis the new chia?
> 
> The parallels are disturbing. Both are green.
> 
> ...


















... maybe.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

DaddyOh -- I thank you for your loyalty. You have been promoted to Lord High Haggis for your service. I look forward to your counsel in the new Empire. Stan, I see that you have joined us as well. Your bravery and feckless crusade for the establishment of our empire will result in riches and privilege beyond your wildest hopes once our mission is accomplished. Thank you also for reminding us of what we're really fighting for -- those beautiful haggisbabies, our very future. Katorade (Lady O' th' Haggis) -- we will need your superior knowledge of Burns and your lusty patronage to see us through the dark hours of our struggle. With your grace and beauty to cheer and fortify us, there is no way we can fail in our quest. Santa -- resistance is, well, you know.

Edgar -- all I can recommend to you is gather your corrupt chiahead infidels round you and enjoy their companionship in these last, remaining hours of your freedom. Haggis is coming.

We gather our strength here, then on to the Chia Confessions thread!









*Haaaaaggggiiiiisssss!!!!!!!!!!*


----------



## BBWModel (Nov 22, 2008)

HELLO?!? What about me? I'm the only one who knew that we Scots eat parritch for breakfast!

I'm a MacGregor, BTW.



LalaCity said:


> DaddyOh -- I thank you for your loyalty. You have been promoted to Lord High Haggis for your service. I look forward to your counsel in the new Empire. Stan, I see that you have joined us as well. Your bravery and feckless crusade for the establishment of our empire will result in riches and privilege beyond your wildest hopes once our mission is accomplished. Thank you also for reminding us of what we're really fighting for -- those beautiful haggisbabies, our very future. Katorade (Lady O' th' Haggis) -- we will need your superior knowledge of Burns and your lusty patronage to see us through the dark hours of our struggle. With your grace and beauty to cheer and fortify us, there is no way we can fail in our quest. Santa -- resistance is, well, you know.
> 
> Edgar -- all I can recommend to you is gather your corrupt chiahead infidels round you and enjoy their companionship in these last, remaining hours of your freedom. Haggis is coming.
> 
> ...


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 22, 2008)

Lala, I've managed to throw together a few friends. This was all I could round up in the short time I had. We are standing by awaiting your orders!!!
Haaaaaggggiiiiisssss!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

BBWModel said:


> HELLO?!? What about me? I'm the only one who knew that we Scots eat parritch for breakfast!
> 
> I'm a MacGregor, BTW.



I dub thee Lady O' th' Parritch. :bow: Another faire Ladiye, one o' th' fairest.


----------



## BBWModel (Nov 22, 2008)

AWWWWWW...thanks! Made my day 

:blush:



LalaCity said:


> I dub thee Lady O' th' Parritch. :bow: Another faire Ladiye, one o' th' fairest.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

daddyoh70 said:


> Lala, I've managed to throw together a few friends. This was all I could round up in the short time I had. We are standing by awaiting your orders!!!
> Haaaaaggggiiiiisssss!!!!!!!!!!



Lord Haggis, I knew you would not fail me. Our Haggis army, comprised of the strongest an' the brawest, sons of Wallace all, will waste those chiapets with one swipe of the claymore.

The gallant Haggis tattoo looks manly as ever.







*Haaaaggggiiiisssss!!!!!!!!!!!*


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 22, 2008)

In the epic struggle about to take place between ChiaLand and HaggisTown, I think I'm going to be the hoary (read "cowardly") poet who watches from the hill and lives to sing about it.

Now go out there and make a war worth singing about. I need royalties to dine and wine on for forty years.


----------



## katorade (Nov 22, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> In the epic struggle about to take place between ChiaLand and HaggisTown, I think I'm going to be the hoary (read "cowardly") poet who watches from the hill and lives to sing about it.
> 
> Now go out there and make a war worth singing about. I need royalties to dine and wine on for forty years.



Can you play the lute?


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> In the epic struggle about to take place between ChiaLand and HaggisTown, I think I'm going to be the hoary (read "cowardly") poet who watches from the hill and lives to sing about it.
> 
> Now go out there and make a war worth singing about. I need royalties to dine and wine on for forty years.



Our legacy would be as naught were it nae for the bard who of our glory sings.


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 22, 2008)

katorade said:


> Can you play the lute?



Pluck-pluck-pluck.


----------



## katorade (Nov 22, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Pluck-pluck-pluck.



Then you can go hang out with CleverBomb and his pasty strange lutefisk eating pals...over there on the bleachers. Yeah, the ones in the corduroy pants reading Lovecraft. We've got a war to embark upon! *grabs dodgeball*


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

katorade said:


> Then you can go hang out with CleverBomb and his pasty strange lutefisk eating pals...over there on the bleachers. Yeah, the ones in the corduroy pants reading Lovecraft. We've got a war to embark upon! *grabs dodgeball*



Ouch! Who knew the Ladye was unkinde? _Une Belle Dame Sans Merci_, indeed!


----------



## Sandie S-R (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Thank you daddyoh -- that description only underscores the undeniable allure of this most maligned delicacy.



One must be Scottish to appreciate the the culinary delight that is haggis.

:eat1:


Aye!!


----------



## Sandie S-R (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Neeps and tatties? I think...




Neeps and Tatties (are turnips and potatoes for you non Scottish) are normally a lunch treat.


----------



## Sandie S-R (Nov 22, 2008)

BBWModel said:


> HELLO?!? What about me? I'm the only one who knew that we Scots eat parritch for breakfast!
> 
> I'm a MacGregor, BTW.




And I'm "herself's" mother, Lairdess of MacGregor Castle.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

Sandie S-R said:


> Neeps and Tatties (are turnips and potatoes for you non Scottish) are normally a lunch treat.



Aha...I thought I knew someone who ate them for breakfast once, but maybe I'm misremembering.

Thanks to the bonnie lass with the Scottish culinary knowledge. :bow:


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

daddyoh70 said:


> I was also thinking of new idea, Birthday Haggis!!! Now when someone here has a birthday, instead of cake, I will be presenting them with the Birthday Haggis



Lord Haggis, check out the recent "Happy Birthday JMCGB!" thread...


----------



## katorade (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Ouch! Who knew the Ladye was unkinde? _Une Belle Dame Sans Merci_, indeed!



Hey, it's war! If you're not with us, you're against us.


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 22, 2008)

katorade said:


> Then you can go hang out with CleverBomb and his pasty strange lutefisk eating pals...over there on the bleachers. Yeah, the ones in the corduroy pants reading Lovecraft. We've got a war to embark upon! *grabs dodgeball*



Good luck to ya on the Elysian Fields! Have fun crossing the River Styx. I've heard it's not that bad, once you get used to the idea of being dead. 

/taking notes furiously... warming up lute... eating sardines.../

"There once was a lady named Baggis
Who fought on the side of the Haggis
She took down her pants
Exposed her implant
And cried Chia'll never outwag this!"


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> "There once was a lady named Baggis
> Who fought on the side of the Haggis
> She took down her pants
> Exposed her implant
> And cried Chia'll never outwag this!"



Excellent first contribution to the Haggis saga, Bard-in-Chief! Your dulcet melodie will echo from the braes as The bonnie Sons o' Haggis gae soundin' through the toon!














Man, I'm gonna need some help with the dialect soon...where the hell are those Scottish posters of ours?


----------



## CleverBomb (Nov 22, 2008)

katorade said:


> Then you can go hang out with CleverBomb and his pasty strange lutefisk eating pals...over there on the bleachers. Yeah, the ones in the corduroy pants reading Lovecraft. We've got a war to embark upon! *grabs dodgeball*


Haggis?
This is SPARTA!!!!

(This cries out for a photoshop effort...)

-Rusty
(The only thing I know of that's Greek and an "acquired taste" is Ouzo...)


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

I know you're trying to wage some kind of lutefisk insurgency over there, Rusty, but it's not going to work. The HaggisHeads have thrown off the yoke of your tyranny once and for all!


----------



## imfree (Nov 22, 2008)

This is going to be easier than I thought!!! Now what's
the resonant frequency of a raised claymore, in mhz?

Something about a swordsman, surrounded by plasma
glow, in broad daylight, just doesn't look right to me!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

*Address To A Haggis *

_Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o' need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An' cut you up wi' ready sleight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, 
they stretch an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve,
Are bent lyke drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
"Bethankit!" 'hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him ower his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro' bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs an' arms, an' heads will sned,
Like taps o' thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,
Gie her a haggis!_

The Translation

_Fair is your honest happy face
Great chieftain of the pudding race
Above them all you take your place
Stomach, tripe or guts
Well are you worthy of a grace
As long as my arm

The groaning platter there you fill
Your buttocks like a distant hill
Your skewer would help to repair a mill
In time of need
While through your pores the juices emerge
Like amber beads

His knife having seen hard labour wipes
And cuts you up with great skill
Digging into your gushing insides bright
Like any ditch
And then oh what a glorious sight
Warm steaming, rich 

Then spoon for spoon 
They stretch and strive
Devil take the last man, on they drive
Until all their well swollen bellies
Are bent like drums
Then, the old gent most likely to rift (burp)
Be thanked, mumbles

Is there that over his French Ragout
Or olio that would sicken a pig
Or fricassee would make her vomit
With perfect disgust
Looks down with a sneering scornful opinion
On such a dinner

Poor devil, see him over his trash
As week as a withered rush (reed)
His spindle-shank a good whiplash
His clenched fist.the size of a nut.
Through a bloody flood and battle field to dash
Oh how unfit

But take note of the strong haggis fed Scot
The trembling earth resounds his tread
Clasped in his large fist a blade
He'll make it whistle
And legs and arms and heads he will cut off
Like the tops of thistles

You powers who make mankind your care
And dish them out their meals
Old Scotland wants no watery food
That splashes in dishes
But if you wish her grateful prayer
Give her a haggis! _


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

imfree said:


> This is going to be easier than I thought!!!



Easy eh? Your bluster fails to conceal your abject terror, ChiaMan. The week-old haggises are already being loaded into the catapults:


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 22, 2008)

Oh well. :doh: Thank goodness I'm sitting up here in my spaceship watching all this...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

...and the _trebuchets_...


----------



## imfree (Nov 22, 2008)

Perfect!!! You can't touch us!!!!! 
This is going to be scalar great!!!
I can't believe it's this easy!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

imfree said:


> Perfect!!! You can't touch us!!!!!
> This is going to be scalar great!!!
> I can't believe it's this easy!



The Thane of Haggidonia (the FA formerly known as Stan) is late returning from his mercenary duties in the lands of the King of Roquefortia (also known as Deliman from Hyde Park). Once he arrives you are doomed, Chia infidel, doomed.


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> ...
> Once he arrives you are doomed, Chia infidel, doomed.



Chia boy will be toyed with first before his destruction... have no fear. I'm in the heat of battle at the moment...



I shall return for you...








































































Edgar.


----------



## Smushygirl (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> DaddyOh -- I thank you for your loyalty. You have been promoted to Lord High Haggis for your service. I look forward to your counsel in the new Empire. Stan, I see that you have joined us as well. Your bravery and feckless crusade for the establishment of our empire will result in riches and privilege beyond your wildest hopes once our mission is accomplished. Thank you also for reminding us of what we're really fighting for -- those beautiful haggisbabies, our very future. Katorade (Lady O' th' Haggis) -- we will need your superior knowledge of Burns and your lusty patronage to see us through the dark hours of our struggle. With your grace and beauty to cheer and fortify us, there is no way we can fail in our quest. Santa -- resistance is, well, you know.
> 
> Edgar -- all I can recommend to you is gather your corrupt chiahead infidels round you and enjoy their companionship in these last, remaining hours of your freedom. Haggis is coming.
> 
> ...



Lala, when Lord High Haggis dons his kilt, Swordchick and I always refer to him as OhDaddy!!! :smitten:

I would love to be a part of the battle. My family has a tartan, MacAlister! Plus, I'm from Pennsylvania where we eat Scrapple, a porcine kind of Haggis! Come on, let me toss some man's caber!!!!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

Smushygirl said:


> Lala, when Lord High Haggis dons his kilt, Swordchick and I always refer to him as OhDaddy!!! :smitten:
> 
> I would love to be a part of the battle. My family has a tartan, MacAlister! Plus, I'm from Pennsylvania where we eat Scrapple, a porcine kind of Haggis! Come on, let me toss some man's caber!!!!



The soothsayer to the Queen hath long whispered of a beautiful young maid possessed of a deep and strange holiness -- yea, verily she is touched by the hand of God. She will rise up to lead an army of the faithful against the infidels. She fears no earthly punishment, not even burning at the stake -- death for her hath no sting, she lives but for her heavenly reward...Her name is Smushy of Haggidonia. She will bring victory.


----------



## Smushygirl (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> The soothsayer to the Queen hath long whispered of a beautiful young maid possessed of a deep and strange holiness -- yea, verily she is touched by the hand of God. She will rise up to lead an army of the faithful against the infidels. She fears no earthly punishment, not even burning at the stake -- death for her hath no sting, she lives but for her heavenly reward...Her name is Smushy of Haggidonia. She will bring victory.



Whee!!! I love this thread!!!! 

I will smite the first infidel I see!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

Edgar, as you can see, the ranks of the faithful swell by the hour. Our latest ally is the famed Scourge of the Infidels, Smushy of Haggidonia. Surrender now and abandon your hereditary tracts of land before you and your faithless chiaheads meet with a swift and merciless end.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 22, 2008)

This starts to get really interesting... *watches the battle from above*


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> This starts to get really interesting... *watches the battle from above*



Do not rest so easily...our haggis catapults are powerful, indeed.


----------



## imfree (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Do not rest so easily...our haggis catapults are powerful, indeed.



Hahaha!!!, Haggis, fire away! Catapults, that's funny!
We ChiaHeads have a surprise for you Haggis, you'll
neither see it coming, nor know where it came from!!!

That's all for now. Fire away, play victor in this war.
You can't even IMAGINE the power of the weapon
we're about to unleash on you, just wait!


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Nov 22, 2008)

Am I the only one who noticed how ScHOTtish Oh Daddy looks in his kilt?


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

DumbAssBunny said:


> Am I the only one who noticed how ScHOTtish Oh Daddy looks in his kilt?



Lord Haggis has girded the loins of women all over the land with that pic.

As for Edgar the Infidel and his pack of chia curs, I believe they are deserting him like rats from a sinking ship. Soon he will be all alone in his asylum, whilst the brave HaggisHeads lay siege. We have our battering ram at the ready, to follow the catapulting of the flaming haggisses over his walls. He will fall swiftly.


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 22, 2008)

Infidels, heathens, naysayers and other riffraff take heed. Join our quest or be swept away (or be used as a means of sweeping...) I am of no more than 25% Scottish descent biologically speaking... und I vas raised by zose krazy Germans so my vays of battle are not vat you might expect.... laddie...

For those who know not of our past epic battles, I would like to show you a brief history...























































... and of course our secret weapon we never had to utilize. You've been warned.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Do not rest so easily...our haggis catapults are powerful, indeed.


Even if you'd actually could hit the moon with it, I wouldn't be concerned...






PS: I see what you're doing there, Edgar...


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 22, 2008)

"The Chia were led by a brave
named Edgar, whose manner was grave.
He climbed on the ramparts
and roused all his upstarts
with talk of green hair and shortwaves."


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Even if you'd actually could hit the moon with it, I wouldn't be concerned...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You dare mock us? The Sons o' Haggis will seek you out next, TimberCur.

As everyone can see, Edgar the Infidel is quivering in terror. He has nothing. Do you hear me?? NOTHING!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> "The Chia were led by a brave
> named Edgar, whose manner was grave.
> He climbed on the ramparts
> and roused all his upstarts
> with talk of green hair and shortwaves."



You are not supposed to write odes for the enemy, Bard!


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 22, 2008)

I prefer not to get involved. But I'm quietly betting on brave Edgar and the Chiaheads (only chia can survive a nuclear war, after all) while still keeping one foot in the haggis bucket, just in case.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> You dare mock us? The Sons o' Haggis will seek you out next, TimberCur.
> 
> As everyone can see, Edgar the Infidel is quivering in terror. He has nothing. Do you hear me?? NOTHING!


Two things...

1.: The sons (and daughters) o' Haggis won't find me, even if I'd be standing right in front of them...

2.: You'd better take a closer look on Edgar & the Chiaheads... It's really interesting... (Not that they'd be able in any way to endanger me...)


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 22, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> I prefer not to get involved. But I'm quietly betting on brave Edgar and the Chiaheads (only chia can survive a nuclear war, after all) while still keeping one foot in the haggis bucket, just in case.


You know, you could also join me... if you are interested in space travelling...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> I prefer not to get involved. But I'm quietly betting on brave Edgar and the Chiaheads (only chia can survive a nuclear war, after all) while still keeping one foot in the haggis bucket, just in case.



Your betrayal will not be forgotten, Clarus Sanctus, the impious one...


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 23, 2008)

Inspired by Fascinita's fine poetry I've composed a short song in tribute to Edgar and his noble chia people:

_Oh, that Chia! 
Mamma mia! :doh:
The earth has never been freer 
than under the watchful rule of Chia._ 

You can use this if you like.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

Fascinita the Bard is a traitor. There is currently an opening for Poet Laureate of Haggidonia, should anyone be interested. 


Glory and everlasting renown await him or her who would sing the bravery and pure-heartedness of the Sons o' Haggis.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

Heh... Look at them brave men running...

I still wonder if this is the right direction...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

At least I know I can count on my loyal circle of nobles: Lord Haggis, Ladies Haggis and Parritch, Thane Stanley, and Smushy of Haggidonia. They will never desert me, do your hear? NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

*smiles* Do you think that would help you to win that war, your highness?

(I still know what it means to be polite...)


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> *smiles* Do you think that would help you to win that war, your highness?
> 
> (I still know what it means to be polite...)



The last thing you see will be a flaming haggis hurtling towards you through space, _Lupus Ligneous_. Prepare thyself.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

*raises eyebrow, smiling*
Whom or what do you intend to hurt with that flaming Haggis, Mylady? Me? My ship?
Besides, how do you want to get that Haggis up there?


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

You still do not believe in the strength or superior engineering of our haggi-pults. You will find out soon enough.


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 23, 2008)

"The Haggis queen Lala did swear
to exact her revenge in warfare.
With trebuchet steady,
Her sword at the ready,
She flung the first haggis and glared."


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 23, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> You still do not believe in the strength or superior engineering of our haggi-pults. You will find out soon enough.



He's got shields up there in his space lair, Your Heinous, and anti-gravity supermagnetic whirlers too. :bow:


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

Amongst others, yes. *grins*


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Nov 23, 2008)

This guy just showed up and doesn't know where he should go for his instructions! 

View attachment 1412442919a2876029686b355198060ml[1].jpg


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

Fascinita the Bard is attempting to get back into my good graces with her honeyed odes to my greatness. But the Haggis Queen does not forgive.

Tomorrow, God's infinite grace allowing, the bombardment and annihilation will begin. Chia will blight our blessed land no more.

Tonight, the Queen is going out for margaritas.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

Cheers. Enjoy this night. You'll never know if it might be the last... Especially in times of war.


----------



## Thrifty McGriff (Nov 23, 2008)

daddyoh70 said:


> For a more detailed description...
> There are many recipes, most of which have in common the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately three hours. Yummmm :eat1:



I don't understand why people find this so unappetizing. It sounds fine to me. :bow:


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

You'll always find someone who doesn't like what you like...


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 23, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Lord Haggis, check out the recent "Happy Birthday JMCGB!" thread...


Excellent use of the birthday Haggis my Queen :bow:


Smushygirl said:


> Lala, when Lord High Haggis dons his kilt, Swordchick and I always refer to him as OhDaddy!!! :smitten:
> 
> I would love to be a part of the battle. My family has a tartan, MacAlister! Plus, I'm from Pennsylvania where we eat Scrapple, a porcine kind of Haggis! Come on, let me toss some man's caber!!!!





DumbAssBunny said:


> Am I the only one who noticed how ScHOTtish Oh Daddy looks in his kilt?


OK, you two need to cut that out. I'm trying to help the Queen plot an offensive against the ChiaHeads and yer makin' me blush :blush: Smushy, Rep coming for the Scrapple reference when the repinator allows me.


LalaCity said:


> Glory and everlasting renown await him or her who would sing the bravery and pure-heartedness of the Sons o' Haggis.


Muh Lady. I've been working on a uniform for us. It's very basic, but very stealthy. Let me know what you think





I've also made some contacts in Caledonia. They have provided me with the ultimate weapon. More effective that the week old Haggis. I have obtained enough overnite to stock a small airplane hangar. My men are at the ready awaiting your word. But anyway, hear is the new weapon, I would also like your thoughts on this


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 23, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> The last thing you see will be a flaming haggis hurtling towards you through space, _Lupus Ligneous_. Prepare thyself.





LalaCity said:


> You still do not believe in the strength or superior engineering of our haggi-pults. You will find out soon enough.



Tell them my Queen!!! Never underestimate the Superiority of Scottish Engineering. Allow me to present a little history lesson,
Sir Dugald Clerk: An authority on Internal Combustion
John Logie Baird: Took out a patent on Fibre Optics
Sir William Arrol: Responsible for 2 of the most substantial bridges in the world that are still in use today.
Joseph Black: Developed the Latent Heat concept and discovered Carbon Dioxide
Sir Thomas Makdougall Brisbane: Set up an observatory and logged over 7000 stars
Sir William Fairbairn: Developed the idea of tubular steel, which is stronger than solid steel
All Scottish and most of their work was done either before or just after the turn of the 20th century. So even if you are in space... We Will Find You!!! Oh, We Will Find You. And when we do find you... We will do stuff to you :happy:


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

Ah, now Isee why they often chose scots as first engineers in Star Trek...

But nonetheless, I don't see anything that could endanger me...

And, first of all, you'll have to find me!


----------



## BBWModel (Nov 23, 2008)

Good job Lord Haggis!!! This will do in those nasty Chia Heads!!



daddyoh70 said:


> Excellent use of the birthday Haggis my Queen :bow:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 23, 2008)

BBWModel said:


> Good job Lord Haggis!!! This will do in those nasty Chia Heads!!



Thank you O Lady O' th' Parritch. I've been quite busy with my men, fashioning some weapons such as the Targe and the Halberd in case this battle ends up in a hand to hand war. Actually, the Canned Haggis also makes a good short range, hand thrown weapon. Much like the grenade, without the big boom. Thrown properly, the Canned Haggis has been know to penetrate the thickest armour.
I was also kind of hoping Green Eyed Fairy would join the cause and get some of her friends involved...particulary the Kelpies, the Nucklelavees and the Urisks. GEF if you're listenting, hear our plea!!! Call upon your Scottish Faerie friends to join the Royal Knights of the Haggis and help us defeat the remaining ChiaHeads!!!


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

It is really interesting to watch all this...

The Scoti piling up canned (several years old) Haggis, building siege weapons like trebuchets and ballistae and some short range weapons...

Edgar & his Chia Heads are preparedly waiting for the scots to come... Interesting machines, they built there... I wonder what kind of effect they will have... And how they were able to buld them this fast... Should there be more Chia Heads than the few we get to see, in the end?


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 23, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> ...But I'm quietly betting on brave Edgar and the Chiaheads (only chia can survive a nuclear war, after all) while still keeping one foot in the haggis bucket, just in case.



Of all the ungrateful, audacious acts... I borged GEF, our fair lady haggis Queen Lala (twice actually... hehe...) and yes... even you Santaclear. I don't know what hurts most... the shame or outrage... you ingrate!



LalaCity said:


> At least I know I can count on my loyal circle of nobles: Lord Haggis, Ladies Haggis and Parritch, Thane Stanley, and Smushy of Haggidonia. They will never desert me, do your hear? NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Here here! (what she said...)

Battle comith soon... just you wait!


----------



## moore2me (Nov 23, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> Of all the ungrateful, audacious acts... I borged GEF, our fair lady haggis Queen Lala (twice actually... hehe...) and yes... even you Santaclear. I don't know what hurts most... the shame or outrage... you ingrate!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I "stan" by my friend the borgmister. I respect the Scottish clansmanship, but , remember what your history lessons DIMMERS. Scots are a brave and fiercesome people (even if gastronomically challenged). However, they have lost some important conflicts in the long run.

Sir William Wallace (Braveheart) fought many battles for the people of Scotland and was a fine commander. Unfortunately, he was caught and killed by the English. The English King Edward I (Longshanks) was the winner in the end. Years later . . . 

Mary Queen of Scotts (in exile) was cooking up some trouble for her half sister, Queen Elizabeth. This resulted in Elizabeth eventually having to chop Mary's head off to correct her behavior. It worked. The English won again. 

And remember your more recent history, *The Last King of Scotland*. That did not turn out very well either, did it? How would you like to step into that little dictatorship? Hung up by meathooks in the airport? Not me.

If lines are to be drawn in the sand, it would be best not to be commanded by Scots. Certainly, they are fine fighters, brave amazons, and creators of unusual weaponry (haggis grenade?), but things seem to fall apart in the end.

As far as the ChiaHeads go, I wouldn't even waste my time co-habitating with vegetable matter. Rabbit food it is! Rabbit food it always will be! No red blood flows thru its veins - only green, pasty, liquid. (Think lemon grass slurpee.)

I recommend and will continue to follow the Borg's and Stan's lead. (I will convert back to Borg after the traditional American Pilgrim and Indian holiday celebration.)


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 23, 2008)

If sheep gizzards don't grow muskles on ya, an' hair on yer chest, I don't know what will... 


Arrr arrrrr arrrrr arrrr arrrr arrrrah...








*segway to music*


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

My messengers arrive hourly with news of the mighty army being roused in the east by Smushy of Haggidonia. Meanwhile, Thane Stanley is perfecting our armour and Lord Haggis our weaponry. The trebuchets are loaded and ready. The sound of distant drums and pipes inspire the faithful to glory. The Queen is assured by the monks of decisive victory. Edgar the Infidel quivers in his asylum.

Surrender now, Edgar, and yield up your hereditary lands, or you will be buried alive in several tonnes of rotten haggis. Or, at least, haggis that's begun to turn.

This is your final warning.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

Wow. A threesome. Great show.

Stan seems to be torn between his secret Borg self and the Haggis...

There actually are some leftover Borg... Seems like they are worse than chia...

Oh, and the Haggis queen still doesn't seem to see what's coming upon them...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Wow. A threesome. Great show.
> 
> Stan seems to be torn between his secret Borg self and the Haggis...
> 
> ...



After we smite Edgar, you will be silenced, TimberCur. Your hounds of hell will no longer torment the noble Sons o' Haggis.


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 23, 2008)

And for those of you think you can defeat us...








... think again, we are prepared.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

Seems like she doesn't want to see...

The old problem of the scotch, er scots...

They think bravery outruns tactics and advanced technology. :doh:


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> And for those of you think you can defeat us...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This reminds me...

You might need some training...

(I'm doing this because the show would be over way too soon... Which would be sad.)


----------



## Smushygirl (Nov 23, 2008)

moore2me said:


> I "stan" by my friend the borgmister. I respect the Scottish clansmanship, but , remember what your history lessons DIMMERS. Scots are a brave and fiercesome people (even if gastronomically challenged). However, they have lost some important conflicts in the long run.
> 
> Sir William Wallace (Braveheart) fought many battles for the people of Scotland and was a fine commander. Unfortunately, he was caught and killed by the English. The English King Edward I (Longshanks) was the winner in the end. Years later . . .
> 
> ...



Ah, Lady TwoMoore, you had a bit of the history incorrect. After the death of William Wallace, Robert the Bruce led a valiant battle and Scotland won her freedom. Tis why there could be a Mary Queen of Scots centuries later.

Elizabeth I was the *cousin* of Mary. Elizabeth died without issue so Mary's son James VI of Scotland became James I and ruled Scotland, England, and Ireland for 22 years. Who is the winner now?!

Smushy of Haggidonia knows how to knows how to spill blood from the chia infidels, make no mistake on that!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

moore2me said:


> I "stan" by my friend the borgmister. I respect the Scottish clansmanship, but , remember what your history lessons DIMMERS. Scots are a brave and fiercesome people (even if gastronomically challenged). However, they have lost some important conflicts in the long run.
> 
> Sir William Wallace (Braveheart) fought many battles for the people of Scotland and was a fine commander. Unfortunately, he was caught and killed by the English. The English King Edward I (Longshanks) was the winner in the end. Years later . . .
> 
> ...



Blasphemy! Lies! No slander 'gainst the Sons o' Haggis shall ever be forgiven. No pardon nor absolution ever granted. Those who would defame the noblest and truest of men will meet with a fate crueler than that of Harold the Vegetarian, he who infamously refused a dish of haggis at the Queen's own coronation! 

Ye Hielands and ye Lowlands, fret not! Ye will soon inherit an earthly paradise untroubled by these mere, buzzing gnats who, with one swing of the halbard, shall be brought to heel by the bonnie SONS O" HAGGGGGIIIIISSSSSSSS!!!!!


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 23, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> This reminds me...
> 
> You might need some training...
> 
> (I'm doing this because the show would be over way too soon... Which would be sad.)




Deiner duplicity ist sehr nützlich, vielen dank Herr Timberwülf! :bow:


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

I fear your Babelfish doesn't work properly... :blink:


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 23, 2008)

moore2me said:


> Sir William Wallace (Braveheart) fought many battles for the people of Scotland and was a fine commander. Unfortunately, he was caught and killed by the English. The English King Edward I (Longshanks) was the winner in the end. Years later . . .
> 
> 
> And remember your more recent history, *The Last King of Scotland*. That did not turn out very well either, did it? How would you like to step into that little dictatorship? Hung up by meathooks in the airport?


*BLASPHEMER!!!!!!!* Sir William Wallace was only captured because some turncoat, John de Menteith, turned him over to English soldiers. He was killed in 1305 by the English then raped in 1995 by Mel Gibson. (Don't get me started on Braveheart). Any talk of treason against our beloved Queen will be dealt with swiftly by being Drawn and Quartered.
As far as Idi Amin Dada goes, that was a self appointed title, and that's all I'm going to say about that.



> As far as the ChiaHeads go, I wouldn't even waste my time co-habitating with vegetable matter. Rabbit food it is! Rabbit food it always will be! No red blood flows thru its veins - only green, pasty, liquid. (Think lemon grass slurpee.)


I just may have to agree with you on this one.


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 23, 2008)

Smushygirl said:


> Ah, Lady TwoMoore, you had a bit of the history incorrect. After the death of William Wallace, Robert the Bruce led a valiant battle and Scotland won her freedom. Tis why there could be a Mary Queen of Scots centuries later.
> 
> Elizabeth I was the *cousin* of Mary. Elizabeth died without issue so Mary's son James VI of Scotland became James I and ruled Scotland, England, and Ireland for 22 years. Who is the winner now?!
> 
> Smushy of Haggidonia knows how to knows how to spill blood from the chia infidels, make no mistake on that!





LalaCity said:


> Blasphemy! Lies! No slander 'gainst the Sons o' Haggis shall ever be forgiven. No pardon nor absolution ever granted. Those who would defame the noblest and truest of men will meet with a fate crueler than that of Harold the Vegetarian, he who infamously refused a dish of haggis at the Queen's own coronation!
> 
> Ye Hielands and ye Lowlands, fret not! Ye will soon inherit an earthly paradise untroubled by these mere, buzzing gnats who, with one swing of the halbard, shall be brought to heel by the bonnie SONS O" HAGGGGGIIIIISSSSSSSS!!!!!





daddyoh70 said:


> *BLASPHEMER!!!!!!!* Sir William Wallace was only captured because some turncoat, John de Menteith, turned him over to English soldiers. He was killed in 1305 by the English then raped in 1995 by Mel Gibson. (Don't get me started on Braveheart). Any talk of treason against our beloved Queen will be dealt with swiftly by being Drawn and Quartered.



Wow!!! Dog Pile on the Meerkat!!!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

Smushygirl said:


> Ah, Lady TwoMoore, you had a bit of the history incorrect. After the death of William Wallace, Robert the Bruce led a valiant battle and Scotland won her freedom. Tis why there could be a Mary Queen of Scots centuries later.
> 
> Elizabeth I was the *cousin* of Mary. Elizabeth died without issue so Mary's son James VI of Scotland became James I and ruled Scotland, England, and Ireland for 22 years. Who is the winner now?!
> 
> Smushy of Haggidonia knows how to knows how to spill blood from the chia infidels, make no mistake on that!



Do not waste your time, Smushy of Haggidonia, in trying to reason with the shameless trollop, Lady TwoMoore! Have you forgotten that she betrayed her own Sovereign when she ran off with the married Minister of Monotony -- he who was charged with helping the insomniac King get to sleep with his interminable tales of sheep-shearing and thread-making? Do you not recall that they fled to Roquefortia and tried to overthrow the Regent of _that_ land and that she was thrown into a trollop's dungeon for fourteen years and was only spared because the King couldn't stop staring at her abundant cleavage????

You are on a mission from God, Smushy. These earthly distractions do not become a maid of your surpassing holiness!


----------



## Smushygirl (Nov 23, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Do not waste your time, Smushy of Haggidonia, in trying to reason with the shameless trollop, Lady TwoMoore! Have you forgotten that she betrayed her own Sovereign when she ran off with the married Minister of Monotony -- he who was charged with helping the insomniac King get to sleep with his interminable tales of sheep-shearing and thread-making? Do you not recall that they fled to Roquefortia and tried to overthrow the Regent of _that_ land and that she was thrown into a trollop's dungeon for fourteen years and was only spared because the King couldn't stop staring at her abundant cleavage????
> 
> You are on a mission from God, Smushy. These earthly distractions do not become a maid of your surpassing holiness!



I am duly chastened, My Queen. I had a bit of time whilst I was honing my sword of truth. It shan't happen again. 

Onward to kill the curs and infidels!!! God and my Queen hath commanded me!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

Smushygirl said:


> I am duly chastened, My Queen. I had a bit of time whilst I was honing my sword of truth. It shan't happen again.
> 
> Onward to kill the curs and infidels!!! God and my Queen hath commanded me!



You are forgiven, O steadfast Maiden. The Queen's mercy and compassion are truly infinite. 

Now go flay some infidels and make sure to bring me back their heads for my drawing room (my decorator, Elvis the Snot-nosed, is running out!)!!


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

Smushygirl said:


> ...
> Onward to kill the curs and infidels!!! God and my Queen hath commanded me!


You actually want to mess with me? :blink: That would be sad. 

I'd prefer to sit back and watch...

...

Though, on second thought, maybe it could get quite entertaining to see you struggle to get hold of me...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> You actually want to mess with me? :blink: That would be sad.
> 
> I'd prefer to sit back and watch...
> 
> ...



Not now, Timbercur...the Queen has a hangover! 




































But later...yes.


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 23, 2008)

*May I present to you her Majesty, Queen Lala Haggis.*













For those who wish to your pledge allegiance to Her Majesty, do battle for the Kingdom, be knighted and bequeathed your place in Her Majesty's Kingdom post your picture hear and it shall be done. Mind you, it is not for those timid of heart and spirit, it may take some time. You must endure the rights of passage, successfully complete a test of stregnth in the O'Hai-Lander Games and prove yourself worthy of the title of Knight.


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 23, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> *May I present to you her Majesty, Queen Lala Haggis.*
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Beautiful work Thane Stan. I believe the troops are ready... I wasn't sure which version was more appropriate though
God Save the Queen or....
God Save the Queen

I'm going for the menacing look this time. Let me know if this will work


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Not now, Timbercur...the Queen has a hangover!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


A hangover, you say?

:blink:

...



...






...

*collects himself again*

Sorry, but I couldn't help... :blush:

This means you are at least wise enough to leave it with a two-front war...
(Though I'm not quite sure if it is a good idea to fight the Chia Heads and the Borg at the same time...)


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 23, 2008)

Wow, you Haggisters are stirring up a tempest in a teacup. Your war cries are apparently not even registering with Edgar the Brave. I have a feeling this epic is going to be more of a comedy of errors than anything.

Now excuse me while I take a sabbatical to go work on my true calling: writing erotic poetry concerning our First Lady's butt.


My Belle, if you have a name
It's Callypygean 'Shell.
And when I linger on your form
I enter a reverie
of tracing the perky outlines
to that point where they, closed
must suggest a parting

I'm all teeth and lips, Michelle
the better to eat you with
and kiss you with
through and through.
And eyes and cheek, I am, too,
to rest on your cool behind,
Foxy Lady
Tuhn-tuhn-tuhn!
Nuhn-nuhn-nuhn!

I dream you're flowers
a bed of petals
arranged, redly,
as a callyx, and
someone's baking a pie in the apartment next door, and
"A Love Supreme" plays
faintly
coming from somewhere.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

Oh, well...


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 23, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Oh, well...



lol Don't tell me you have something against butts?

You know, the butt is connected to the intestine. The intestine's connected to the stomach... I'm sure UFOs play a role in there somewhere, as well.

It's all connected, man. The fabric of the universe....

/smokes a doobie...writes/


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

:blink:

...



...







...

*collects himself again*

Sorry, but I couldn't help... :blush:


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 23, 2008)

I knew Fascinita the Bard would desert us. She said herself she lacks the intestinal fortitude and purity of heart to aid us in our struggle! At least we got a few good jingles out of her before she left us for the Obama administration! 

Thankfully, I still have my band of loyal retainers to cheer me through these dark hours.


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 23, 2008)

/Checks out and goes for a nap/

Smushy is lovely


----------



## imfree (Nov 23, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Wow, you Haggisters are stirring up a tempest in a teacup. Your war cries are apparently not even registering with Edgar the Brave. I have a feeling this epic is going to be more of a comedy of errors than anything..................snipped...........................



Thank you, Fascinita, you are wiser and far more intelligent
than all those Haggis. You are more than welcome to visit
the ChiaSanctuary and if you need the comfort and warmth,
you are even welcome to cuddle with us. With all those 
swords clanking out there, I'm still not uttering a word to
those Haggi! They should be asking themselves the same
question R D Mercer asked Lori in "Dead Rooster", "I wonder
how come"! The coming battle will, indeed, be a comedy of
errors on the part of the Haggis.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 23, 2008)

To be honest, I'm not really sure if everything is fine with your machines, Edgar...
There seem to be some errors in them. You'd better check them out once more before the day of the tentacle, er, battle.


----------



## katorade (Nov 23, 2008)

Smushygirl said:


> Ah, Lady TwoMoore, you had a bit of the history incorrect. After the death of William Wallace, Robert the Bruce led a valiant battle and Scotland won her freedom. Tis why there could be a Mary Queen of Scots centuries later.
> 
> Elizabeth I was the *cousin* of Mary. Elizabeth died without issue so Mary's son James VI of Scotland became James I and ruled Scotland, England, and Ireland for 22 years. Who is the winner now?!
> 
> Smushy of Haggidonia knows how to knows how to spill blood from the chia infidels, make no mistake on that!




And let's not forget that those brave Scottish souls have stories that have gone down in the history books, emblazoned in the minds of people everywhere, centuries after their demise.

The so-called mighty chia lives only in infamy, chided and mocked for its repugnant stuttering theme song and entertainment that rivals only that of watching paint dry. To further spurn its attempts at glory, be reminded that the chia's typical stomping ground extends no further than a dimly lit corner of your local Wal-Mart, a place so vile and full of sin that no haggis dare enter lest its glistening meat halo be tarnished by cheaply manufactured chinese crap and rollback prices.


----------



## moore2me (Nov 24, 2008)

katorade said:


> And let's not forget that those brave Scottish souls have stories that have gone down in the history books, emblazoned in the minds of people everywhere, centuries after their demise.
> 
> The so-called mighty chia lives only in infamy, chided and mocked for its repugnant stuttering theme song and entertainment that rivals only that of watching paint dry. To further spurn its attempts at glory, be reminded that the chia's typical stomping ground extends no further than a dimly lit corner of your local Wal-Mart, a place so vile and full of sin that no haggis dare enter lest its glistening meat halo be tarnished by cheaply manufactured chinese crap and rollback prices.



M2M very quietly weasels up to the side of katorade and whispers in her ear. "Be very careful mydear. There are enemy spies of the Chinese Warlords in these encampments. You do not want to rile our "friends" in the East. They will kick our collective asses like they did at the Olympics Gymnastics and Diving Competitions. If their leader, Sir Jackie of Chan, hears of your slurs, we will not be safe in this land or shopping at the Wal-Mart. And we will not be safe buying food for our dogs and cats either."


----------



## katorade (Nov 24, 2008)

moore2me said:


> M2M very quietly weasels up to the side of katorade and whispers in her ear. "Be very careful mydear. There are enemy spies of the Chinese Warlords in these encampments. You do not want to rile our "friends" in the East. They will kick our collective asses like they did at the Olympics Gymnastics and Diving Competitions. If their leader, Sir Jackie of Chan, hears of your slurs, we will not be safe in this land or shopping at the Wal-Mart. And we will not be safe buying food for our dogs and cats either."




That is why I just don't shop there. And I can assure you, if there's one thing I'm better at than the Chinese, it's being loud and obnoxious. Bring on the ass kicking, I've had a couple of Asian boyfriends, I think I can handle myself.


----------



## CleverBomb (Nov 24, 2008)

katorade said:


> That is why I just don't shop there. And I can assure you, if there's one thing I'm better at than the Chinese, it's being loud and obnoxious. Bring on the ass kicking, I've had a couple of Asian boyfriends, I think I can handle myself.


Secret...Asian Man!
SecretAsianMan!

-Rusty


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 24, 2008)

moore2me said:


> I "stan" by my friend the borgmister. I respect the Scottish clansmanship, but , remember what your history lessons DIMMERS. Scots are a brave and fiercesome people (even if gastronomically challenged). However, they have lost some important conflicts in the long run.
> 
> Sir William Wallace (Braveheart) fought many battles
> .....
> ...



That may very well be true my dear muskrat, but don't forget Hadrian's Wall... The Romans never made it into Scotland, no doubt in part by the Scots diligence to keep them out, an accomplishment most of Europe cannot lay claim to, other than the Germanic Barbarians of the northern continent.



In the name of her Majesty Queen Lala Haggis, I hereby proclaim Haggis DaddyOh the title of Knight Templar Haggis.

Godspeed to you Knight DaddyOh.


















These photos of you DaddyOh with the background removed were just too good to let go without mention... in case we ever have a "Blues Brother's" thread. :bow:













If I may take leave, your Majesty. I shall prepare my proper attire by tomorrow and be prepared to serve and defend The Realm.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 24, 2008)

I am hearing disturbing reports that Thane Stan is undertaking unauthorized diplomatic missions to the other front...that he has made peace offerings and has proffered cozy headwear to the enemy...

My spies are whispering of a betrayal...please, my faithful functionaries...find out what Stan is doing and report back to me before I start to doubt his loyalties..


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

So you call my celtic ancestors barbarians, Stan? 


(As if the scots never wore beards...) :doh:


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> I am hearing disturbing reports that Thane Stan is undertaking unauthorized diplomatic missions to the other front...that he has made peace offerings and has proffered cozy headwear to the enemy...
> 
> My spies are whispering of a betrayal...please, my faithful functionaries...find out what Stan is doing and report back to me before I start to doubt his loyalties..


Heh. This is your first war, my dear, isn't it?


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 24, 2008)

Your Majesty... if you think the stench emanating from Imfree's ChiAsylum is horrific, just wait until we get one of those infidels to wear a Chia Hat... 



... I cannot say more without divulging the methods of our secret weapon.



I must go quickly, by the grace of Her Majesty, there is work to be done.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 24, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Heh. This is your first war, my dear, isn't it?



Vainglorious cur. Your haughtiness will be your undoing. And to think for a moment I considered sparing you. Your pelt shall make a fine rug for the royal boudoir.


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 24, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> So you call my celtic ancestors barbarians, Stan?
> 
> 
> (As if the scots never wore beards...) :doh:




From the land where they say "ich liebe dich"... name one romantic German love song and I'll retract that statement.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 24, 2008)

Thane Stan, in order that you re-establish trust with your Sovereign Queen after your act of damnable perfidy, would you mind making my avatar background black? I think that way I can inspire even _more_ fear in the hearts of infidels and the impure.


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 24, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> Your Majesty... if you think the stench emanating from Imfree's ChiAsylum is horrific, just wait until we get one of those infidels to wear a Chia Hat...



You want to talk stench? I'm non-partisan in this dispute, Stan, but have you had a whiff of those Haggis hats? Especially after an afternoon on the battlefield.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 24, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> From the land where they say "ich liebe dich"... name one romantic German love song and I'll retract that statement.



Even the barbarians have some culture, Thane Stan. The romantic lieder of Brahms and Schubert are among the Queen's favorites. She even sheds a cold tear once in a while.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> From the land where they say "ich liebe dich"... name one romantic German love song and I'll retract that statement.


Define "romantic", Stan... There are quite a lot of concepts about romance out there...


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Even the barbarians have some culture, Thane Stan. The romantic lieder of Brahms and Schubert are among the Queen's favorites. She even sheds a cold tear once in a while.


:bow: Nice to see that the queen of Haggidonia has some sense of culture...


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Vainglorious cur. Your haughtiness will be your undoing. And to think for a moment I considered sparing you. Your pelt shall make a fine rug for the royal boudoir.


Just a hint: In times of war, things aren't always what they seem to be.

Besides... You'd better keep your hands off my fur if you want to see the next spring arise... (As long as you're talking in this way about me.)


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> Secret...Asian Man!
> SecretAsianMan!
> 
> -Rusty



A much older Johnny Rivers performed his 1966 classic,
"Secret Agent Man", in Tulsa, a little over a year ago.
The video needed zoom badly, but the performance 
was nice!

Johnny Rivers-(Live 10/7/07)-Secret Agent Man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aD60ANPt9Mg&feature=related


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> You dare mock us? The Sons o' Haggis will seek you out next, TimberCur.
> 
> As everyone can see, Edgar the Infidel is quivering in terror. He has nothing. Do you hear me?? NOTHING!



Terror? That makes me laugh even more! Don't you silly
Haggis know that a 450 lb, 5'8" ChiaHead naturally
quivers as he laughs, because of the jiggle factor???


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

BBWModel said:


> Good job Lord Haggis!!! This will do in those nasty Chia Heads!!



You have yet to understand JUST how nasty we ChiaHeads are!


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> My messengers arrive hourly with news of the mighty army being roused in the east by Smushy of Haggidonia. Meanwhile, Thane Stanley is perfecting our armour and Lord Haggis our weaponry. The trebuchets are loaded and ready. The sound of distant drums and pipes inspire the faithful to glory. The Queen is assured by the monks of decisive victory. Edgar the Infidel quivers in his asylum.
> 
> Surrender now, Edgar, and yield up your hereditary lands, or you will be buried alive in several tonnes of rotten haggis. Or, at least, haggis that's begun to turn.
> 
> This is your final warning.



Your armour and swords make me laugh harder!!!
Just how easy are you going to make this
"battle" for us?


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> And for those of you think you can defeat us...
> ........image snipped.......... think again, we are prepared.



Here's the real Haggis trap and I've yet to see a Haggi
ever bear it! It works every time!


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> To be honest, I'm not really sure if everything is fine with your machines, Edgar...
> There seem to be some errors in them. You'd better check them out once more before the day of the tentacle, er, battle.



Checked and ready, TimberWolf. The swordsman lit up bright
enough to see in broad daylight at only .001% power! 40db
above that should cause instant combustion. This looks good!


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

katorade said:


> ........snipped........ To further spurn its attempts at glory, be reminded that the chia's typical stomping ground extends no further than a dimly lit corner of your local Wal-Mart, a place so vile and full of sin that no haggis dare enter lest its glistening meat halo be tarnished by cheaply manufactured chinese crap and rollback prices.



Nice try, but even the environmentalists know that Chia covered
the Earth long before Wal-Mart and their Chinese products EVER
even existed! That's why anything environmentally-friendly is
known as "green". We simply want the Earth back! Listen to the
words of "Chiadus" (The Chia Exodus Song)!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFUdKve0dkc&feature=related


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> You want to talk stench? I'm non-partisan in this dispute, Stan, but have you had a whiff of those Haggis hats? Especially after an afternoon on the battlefield.



You think that's bad, you should smell those Haggis Sunday
morning after Scotch whisky-fueled rowdyness the night
before, daaaaaaaaaaayumn!!!!(Southern for"damn!")


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

imfree said:


> Checked and ready, TimberWolf. The swordsman lit up bright
> enough to see in broad daylight at only .001% power! 40db
> above that should cause instant combustion. This looks good!


Oy. That's hefty...


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

imfree said:


> Here's the real Haggis trap and I've yet to see a Haggi
> ever bear it! It works every time!


Sorry, typo slipped past me. Should have read:

"Here's the real Haggis trap and I've yet to see a Haggi
ever *beat* it! It works every time!"


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

Queen Lala Of Haggisia,
Lord Edgar de Chia...

I've found an interesting picture...

Please make sure you are seated well...

*cue in some dramatic fanfare*

May I introduce you to...


Haggistair McChia! 

View attachment HaggistairMcChia.jpg


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

imfree said:


> Checked and ready, TimberWolf. The swordsman lit up bright
> enough to see in broad daylight at only .001% power! 40db
> above that should cause instant combustion. This looks good!


Did you also check your Rubens' Tubes?


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Did you also check your Rubens' Tubes?



The Reubens' tubes, the back up set, and the Recognator
they go in, all tested stress-free to 200% power! Whenever
the Haggis aren't firing, I'm sending troops to collect the
Haggi residue from the battle site. The rotten Haggi is
then converted into biodiesel to run the generators!


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 24, 2008)

My my...it seems Edgar the Infidel has finally decided to poke his head out of his asylum to taunt us with empty threats. But he has yet to reveal a single weapon in his arsenal...indeed, I can see no evidence that he has even one ally to help defend him.

Where is your mighty army, Edgar?


----------



## imfree (Nov 24, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> My my...it seems Edgar the Infidel has finally decided to poke his head out of his asylum to taunt us with empty threats. But he has yet to reveal a single weapon in his arsenal...indeed, I can see no evidence that he has a single ally to help defend him.
> 
> Where is your mighty army, Edgar?



That's EXACTLY the question I wanted you to be asking!

Remember, MY silence speaks VOLUMES!


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

imfree said:


> That's EXACTLY the question I wanted you to be asking!
> 
> Remember, MY silence speaks VOLUMES!





LalaCity said:


> My my...it seems Edgar the Infidel has finally decided to poke his head out of his asylum to taunt us with empty threats. But he has yet to reveal a single weapon in his arsenal...indeed, I can see no evidence that he has even one ally to help defend him.
> 
> Where is your mighty army, Edgar?



I know where it is... but I won't tell... 

Why don't you ask Agent 00Haggis? Maybe he knows...

All I will tell you is that it's surprisingly big.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

I guess my little picture of Haggistair McChia has been a little too small to give an actual proof of his existance...


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 24, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Timberwolf said:
> 
> 
> > So you call my celtic ancestors barbarians, Stan?
> ...



Point well taken your Majesty. :bow: As I understand the Romans even considered the Scots "barbarians", despite their many similarities. Often times bitter enemies have more in common than they realize. The Romans as did the Scots cherished honour and bravery, they rode astride horses, wielded swords in battle and wore garments of the non-pant variety. It's even been said that the Romans wore their gladiator kilts "regimental" at times to make the transition from battle to mineral bath more convenient.



Timberwolf said:


> Define "romantic", Stan... There are quite a lot of concepts about romance out there...



"Romantic" is probably something difficult to quantify Mr. Wolf I'll grant you that, although it has been said by many that the German language is more a language of precision and less a language of poetry or romance. What sounds more endearing "bellissimo" or "bübbschin"?



LalaCity said:


> Thane Stan, in order that you re-establish trust with your Sovereign Queen after your act of damnable perfidy, would you mind making my avatar background black? I think that way I can inspire even _more_ fear in the hearts of infidels and the impure.



Done your Majesty...

If I may say, I do think you look best in regal purple, as you do in all colours of course... :bow:


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 24, 2008)

Thank you, Stan. As always, your artistry is second-to-none. I tried out the purple avatar and found it quite fetching, but decided to go with somber black as it reflects my stern and unforgiving nature. Edgar the Infidel will be stricken with terror when he gazes upon my regal visage, shrouded in the same blackness o' death which will soon be visited upon his army of inferior curs.


----------



## CleverBomb (Nov 24, 2008)

imfree said:


> That's EXACTLY the question I wanted you to be asking!
> 
> Remember, MY silence speaks VOLUMES!


His silence goes to 11!

-Rusty


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> His silence goes to 11!
> 
> -Rusty


As far as I've seen, there are some secret chapters...


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 24, 2008)

Does the Queen ever break for love?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJi-xyQ-uHs&feature=related


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> Point well taken your Majesty. :bow: As I understand the Romans even considered the Scots "barbarians", despite their many similarities. Often times bitter enemies have more in common than they realize. The Romans as did the Scots cherished honour and bravery, they rode astride horses, wielded swords in battle and wore garments of the non-pant variety. It's even been said that the Romans wore their gladiator kilts "regimental" at times to make the transition from battle to mineral bath more convenient.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Though our language attempts to be precise and such, there have been written several romantic novels in German. And there has quite some poetry arosen from it...

...

Funny thing is, I can't find the term "bellissimo" in my Italian dictionary... I can't translate it...

You didn't mean "bellicismo", by chance?


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 25, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Though our language attempts to be precise and such, there have been written several romantic novels in German. And there has quite some poetry arosen from it...
> 
> ...
> 
> ...



Oh Timberwolf, must you always be so precise! :bow:


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 25, 2008)

I can't kelp it...


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 25, 2008)

Just putting you all on notice...



... new avatar coming soon.


----------



## Littleghost (Nov 25, 2008)

Sandie S-R said:


> One must be Scottish to appreciate the the culinary delight that is haggis.
> 
> :eat1:
> 
> ...



Apparently the German and Irish in me have say over culinary matters
... and I think I'm ok with that.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 25, 2008)

Well,actually, there is a similar dish to be found in some region of Germany...


----------



## imfree (Nov 25, 2008)

Haggis, there's nothing going on in the Chia Confessions Thread,
I wonder how-come? You Haggis need to stop rattling your
sables and ponder the previous question!


----------



## Littleghost (Nov 26, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Well,actually, there is a similar dish to be found in some region of Germany...



Hmm... then maybe I'm just on a strict no-organ diet and don't know it.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 26, 2008)

imfree said:


> Haggis, there's nothing going on in the Chia Confessions Thread,
> I wonder how-come? You Haggis need to stop rattling your
> sables and ponder the previous question!



Oh, Edgar...we are toying with you. We want you to develop a false sense of calm. The Queen is in an especially vengeful mood tonight. She just came back from surveying the trebuchets. The month-old haggis is making a right royal stink and God himself is holding his nose in his celestial kingdom. 

You will be buried alive in fetid haggis. It is your fate. Pray to your heavenly Father that you expire relatively quickly, unlike Percy the Skittish, whose anguished screams emanated for days from beneath the stinking pile.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 26, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Does the Queen ever break for love?
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJi-xyQ-uHs&feature=related



The Queen suspects that Fascinita the Bard is mocking her virginity.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 26, 2008)

:huh: :blink: 









Space Haggis?


----------



## stan_der_man (Nov 26, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> :huh: :blink:
> 
> 
> 
> Space Haggis?




Golf Haggis.










Your Majesty, the Knights of Haggis have... ehem... important training which we must tend to at the breaks in Dragon's Tooth. Within a fortnight we shall return. :bow:


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 26, 2008)

Your majesty! I apologize for my unexplained absence, but I was on a mission, a successful mission. I went off on a search for the Sword of the Haunted Highland Haggis. It was said that only someone pure at heart would be able to pull the sword from the petrified pile of sheep innards. (I'm still trying to figure out how *I* managed to remove the sword ) Regardless, I have returned and have mastered the swords magical powers. Just say the word and the removal of Chia from this universe shall commence


----------



## moore2me (Nov 26, 2008)

Your majesty, Virginal Queen of Haggidonia and all Civilized Countries Within Its Realm, 

I come as a humble servant, begging forgiveness for past infractions and sins against your Royal Majesty and your Blessed Country. I did not intend to offend the Royal Presence or the Royal Court. A thousand pardons if I did so.

To show my good intentions (and to curry favor with your Highness), I have found a treasure trove of modern trebuchets, cannons. and projectile launchers capable of firing the noble haggis against our enemies. I have brought many of these weapons back to the homeland with me & have stored the additional machinery in a safe place where they are hidden away. Yes, myself and my faithful band of meerkats, weasels, gophers, naked mole rats, and wolverines stole them all by ourselves. We have worked for weeks at this task and now present the weapons for your use. (Pictures are below.) 

View attachment shootchias.JPG


View attachment punkin%20chunkin%202008%20038_jpg.jpg


View attachment PB020298_jpg.jpg


View attachment PB010228_jpg.jpg


View attachment DSC00152_jpg.jpg


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Nov 26, 2008)

I have been holding out for a full-sized photo of the HOT SCOT Daddy-OhMy in his "special outfit". Please Queen Lala, do not sacrifice him, leave him behind with the fair maidens, it will do much more for the cause.:smitten:


----------



## katorade (Nov 26, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Does the Queen ever break for love?
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJi-xyQ-uHs&feature=related




Oh man...next time I have sex. It's gonna be a box of Franzia, some mint chocolate flavored condoms, and that record.











And $240 worth of pudding. Awwwww yeah.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 26, 2008)

:huh: :blink: *shakes head, grinning* 

Now it's getting really interesting...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 27, 2008)

Lady TwoMoore, your offer of an impressive arsenal to aid us in our struggle has led the Queen to reconsider the decapitation order she issued against you. You seem to be attempting to redeem yourself. Your merciful Sovereign accepts your gift of weaponry and mulls a pardon of yourself. 6 months in a harlot's penitentiary should be sufficient punishment, she thinks. But we will address these pleasantries after Edgar is vanquished and the Kingdom restored to its rightful glory.


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 27, 2008)

The Thanksgiving haggis turducken tasted awful.


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 27, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> The Thanksgiving haggis turducken tasted awful.



That you would dare sully the sheep's offal with any kind of inferior game is reason enough to bury you alive. Fortunately, it looks as though Lady TwoMoore's modern equipment has the potential to deliver thrice the payload of putrid guts as compared to our regular siege engines.


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 27, 2008)

DumbAssBunny said:


> I have been holding out for a full-sized photo of the HOT SCOT Daddy-OhMy in his "special outfit". Please Queen Lala, do not sacrifice him, leave him behind with the fair maidens, it will do much more for the cause.:smitten:



Muh Lady, Maiden DumbAssBunny should be dubbed, The Great Thinker. Her thought process is unlike any I've seen. Perhaps we should consider her request. Whaddya say, huh, whaddya say? Can I stay behind with fair maidens huh can I can I can I? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeese


----------



## moore2me (Nov 28, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Lady TwoMoore, your offer of an impressive arsenal to aid us in our struggle has led the Queen to reconsider the decapitation order she issued against you. You seem to be attempting to redeem yourself. Your merciful Sovereign accepts your gift of weaponry and mulls a pardon of yourself. 6 months in a harlot's penitentiary should be sufficient punishment, she thinks. But we will address these pleasantries after Edgar is vanquished and the Kingdom restored to its rightful glory.




Oh, Thank you my Queen. May your reign be long and glorious. And that harlot's penitentiary sounds like fun I must say. I must go now and grease the trebuchets, ream out the cannon projectile tube, and polish the haggis with goose grease to assure maximum speed.


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 28, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> That you would dare sully the sheep's offal with any kind of inferior game is reason enough to bury you alive.



You're playing a deadly game, my Queen. We little people will one day rise, to take back the Turkey of Sodom (or whatever it is you people call it.)


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 28, 2008)

daddyoh70 said:


> Muh Lady, Maiden DumbAssBunny should be dubbed, The Great Thinker. Her thought process is unlike any I've seen. Perhaps we should consider her request. Whaddya say, huh, whaddya say? Can I stay behind with fair maidens huh can I can I can I? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeese



Lord Haggis, we have already given her the title of Dutchess DumbAss. Her humble moniker belies her great military genius, to be sure.

As to the question of your staying behind with the Ladies, that is simply out of the question. You are needed on the front line if this operation is to succeed. Should you survive, the Queen will reward you in ways which will no doubt please you.


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 28, 2008)

One can only hope for Haggidonia that this good man has already taken care about having descendants... :blink:


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Nov 28, 2008)

daddyoh70 said:


> Muh Lady, Maiden DumbAssBunny should be dubbed, The Great Thinker. Her thought process is unlike any I've seen. Perhaps we should consider her request. Whaddya say, huh, whaddya say? Can I stay behind with fair maidens huh can I can I can I? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeese



Why thank you Lord Haggis for considering me a Great Thinker. Since I am unable to work in a more physical manner for the cause, I appreciate the recognition of my intellect.



LalaCity said:


> Lord Haggis, we have already given her the title of Dutchess DumbAss. Her humble moniker belies her great military genius, to be sure.
> 
> As to the question of your staying behind with the Ladies, that is simply out of the question. You are needed on the front line if this operation is to succeed. Should you survive, the Queen will reward you in ways which will no doubt please you.



Queen Lala, I humbly accept the title Dutchess DumbAss. I do agree that for this to be a full blown victory, that Lord Haggis is needed on the front line. Please accept my application to work in a manner which suits my qualifications. I would like to be part of the intel team and since I have a good sense of direction, help to map the siege. I humbly await your response.


----------



## daddyoh70 (Nov 28, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Lord Haggis, we have already given her the title of Dutchess DumbAss. Her humble moniker belies her great military genius, to be sure.
> 
> As to the question of your staying behind with the Ladies, that is simply out of the question. You are needed on the front line if this operation is to succeed. Should you survive, the Queen will reward you in ways which will no doubt please you.



As you wish. Victory will be ours!!! Long live the Haggis Queen!!!


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 29, 2008)

Oh well... This doesn't look good.


...




No, this really doesn't look good...




The Tesla Girls have arrived at Chia Castle...


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 30, 2008)

I would seem that Edgar the Infidel has fled in terror. The Chia Asylum is empty. The bonny Sons o' Haggis shall march in unchallenged and seize that which is rightfully theirs. Viva Haggidonia!


----------



## imfree (Nov 30, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> I would seem that Edgar the Infidel has fled in terror. The Chia Asylum is empty. The bonny Sons o' Haggis shall march in unchallenged and seize that which is rightfully theirs. Viva Haggidonia!



Daaaaaaaayummm!!!, you Haggis ended up EXACTLY where
I expected you to!!! Not only did you fall for my decoy
colony of ChiaPrisoners:doh:, you boasted, bragged and rattled
your sabres long enough for all of them to sneak out of the
cave's back tunnel!!! I fired my scalar directed energy weapon,
an interDimensional(Forums) wormhole just opened next to
you Haggis, and guess what popped out!You didn't see it
coming, nor did you see where it came from. Right, the electrical
equivalent of a 1 Gigaton dynamite explosion. All Haggis have
been vaporized. All kilts, sabres, and shields aside, that's how
modern war works. Remember HAARP really exists, but no one
is really sure what it can or can not do. Those who do know,
won't tell! ZZZZZZZZZZZappp!!!


----------



## imfree (Nov 30, 2008)

Gotcha', Scotcha', Haggi's!!!, y'all have been HAARP-oowned!*

Better accept this ending, too! Ending "B" is beyond the
Haggis' WORST nightmare!!!

*"Edgar" means "protector with the spear"!


----------



## Timberwolf (Nov 30, 2008)

Uhm, Edgar... 



:blink:





...I think you have a problem... :blink:


----------



## imfree (Nov 30, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Uhm, Edgar...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Problem? Please explain. This was only a war game.


----------



## imfree (Dec 1, 2008)

The US ChiArmy was so interested in our directed energy
weapon that they constructed a mock-up city at the
ordinance testing range, some 50 miles from Chia Ground
Zero. This image was transmitted by a robotic vehicular
camera, earlier today. I guess the daylight will return to
normal color after the ionosphere settles back down, 
around the first of next year.


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 1, 2008)

imfree said:


> Problem? Please explain. This was only a war game.


Remember my mentioning of Space Haggis?
Well, you'd better take a peek at the sky...


----------



## imfree (Dec 1, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Remember my mentioning of Space Haggis?
> Well, you'd better take a peek at the sky...



Nice try, TimberWolf! I admire the engineers who designed
your ship for creating a vessel that survived my unthinkable
EMP burst. I commend your Damage Control Crew for 
bringing your Life-Support and Communications systems
back online so quickly! I call your bluff because :doh:we all know
that spare weapons systems parts are just too heavy to 
keep in on-board stock. Fly your crippled ship to port and
get it refurbished!

Even if you could fire, what good would it do? The
ionosphere is still far to perturbed for you to get
an accurate fix on us or to even safely fire through!


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 1, 2008)

First of all, my ship didn't even get a scratch, as I'm no way near earth...

But there has someone been hiding behind the Moon...

Apparently, some scottish space engineer came back from the dead to support the Army of Haggidonia... And he didn't build just one ship... :blink:


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 1, 2008)

Wait a second... Since when does the Earth have a second moon? :blink:


----------



## imfree (Dec 1, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Wait a second... Since when does the Earth have a second moon? :blink:



That second one is not a moon, it's a target!

I'm locked in and I'm ready to fire at......5...4...3...2.....


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 1, 2008)

Erm... I'm not sure if it was a good idea, Edgar.

Your "target" is a giant Borg sphere...

Damn, I thought I had them all...


----------



## stan_der_man (Dec 1, 2008)

Just a notice to Her Majesty, all heathens, infidels, naysayers, scoundrels and other lowly riff-raff that I shall slacketh no further in the face of defiance towards the Kingdom of Haggis. Be it known that hell hath no furry like the that of a rancid Haggis!  :bow:




BTW... Pardon my Ren-fair English... and my inclusion of Her Majesty in the same sentence where I make mention of the riff-raff whom challenge her.




Oh... and Timberwolf... you just might get Borged... you never know... that's a mighty fine avatar you have...




... tempting indeed.


----------



## imfree (Dec 1, 2008)

Oh boy!!!, just what I wanted, I've targeted the Borg Sphere!!!

Now let's see? Hmmmm......40 Gigawatts multiplied by 127
paths through extrauniversal space, well:doh:........that's Watts
times a number too large to be shown in scientific notation!
The Borg Sphere will be instantly converted into energy and
transmitted far into extrauniversal space!!!

.....1,,,,,,FIRE!!!

BOOOOOOMM!!!!


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 1, 2008)

I guess that was the end of Edgar... 

The sphere's still there, but there's a big cloud of dust where Edgar's, erm, cannon stood...

Oh... :blink:

He's sitting on the actual moon, now...

The energy feedback caused by the deflector shields of the Borg sphere literally blew him to the moon, causing some stressful moments for the Haggis Space Fleet as he passed... 

Oh, er, Stan McHaggis... These Borg have to catch me, first. My avatar is quite useless for them. It's just an empty hull...


----------



## stan_der_man (Dec 1, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> I guess that was the end of Edgar...
> 
> The sphere's still there, but there's a big cloud of dust where Edgar's, erm, cannon stood...
> 
> ...



Actually I think Edgar and his cannon got themselves a nice private room at local motel if you know what I'm sayin'... It's all just as well. As for the moon references you made... ignorance is bliss... I'm not even gonna look...  




Timberwolf said:


> Oh, er, Stan McHaggis... These Borg have to catch me, first. My avatar is quite useless for them. It's just an empty hull...



Ya never know what the Borg can bring to life Herr Timberwolf... ya just never know... Back when I was a Borg, I once saw them turn an electric can opener into a killing machine that destroyed a whole solar system... That's the Borg for ya...


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 1, 2008)

I know about the capabilities of the Borg... I've been hunting them for quite some years, now... And they know that I actually mean danger for them.

Oh, and on the Edgar topic... believe whatever you want, Haggis_Man. I know what I've seen.


----------



## stan_der_man (Dec 2, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Erm... I'm not sure if it was a good idea, Edgar.
> 
> Your "target" is a giant Borg sphere...
> 
> ...





Timberwolf said:


> ...
> Oh, er, Stan McHaggis... These Borg have to catch me, first. My avatar is quite useless for them. It's just an empty hull...



Empty shell or not Timberwolf... I think it's clear why you know so much about Borg...

Here's a target for you Edgar!


----------



## stan_der_man (Dec 2, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Lord Haggis, we have already given her the title of Dutchess DumbAss. Her humble moniker belies her great military genius, to be sure.
> ...



Without further delay Your Majesty... I have the honor of presenting to you the Dutchess of Haggis...


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 2, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> Empty shell or not Timberwolf... I think it's clear why you know so much about Borg...
> 
> Here's a target for you Edgar!


These Borg are stupendously dumb...


----------



## Santaclear (Dec 2, 2008)

Cherry Garcia and NY Super Fudge Chunk are currently my favorite Haggis flavors, but then again I'm also partial to Vanilla Swiss Almond and Rum Raisin. :eat2::eat1:


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 2, 2008)

:huh: :blink:


----------



## moore2me (Dec 2, 2008)

Sorry to interrupt the intergalactic a** kicking, but I have a small problem to bring before the Warlords of Haggodonia. I was preparing for temporaral battle here on the moors and glens of our motherland and donning the customary battle armour for a Knight of high standing in the empire.

Anyhoo, as part of my battle dress I donned the traditional haggis on top of my head and then proceeded to board my warhorse. Well, let me tell you my Lords and Ladies. Warhorses do not like the smell of aging haggis. In fact, the horse threw me and stomped me in the mud of the peat bog. I tried it again and he threw me onto a pitchfork - good thing I was wearing my steel plates.

*What I need from the WarCouncil is a temporary dispensation from wearing the head haggis while riding a warhorse. * In order to be a bonafide knight of the realm I find no way around it. Sorry, bad horsie. I could ride a mule, but that probably wouldn't inspire much fear in the Chia infidels. 

View attachment meerkatnight1.JPG


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 3, 2008)

:huh: :blink:


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Dec 3, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> :huh: :blink:



I hope you are not laughing at my new hat, Wolfie, because I am making the maps and I know just where you are!


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 3, 2008)

Maps? Of the universe?


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Dec 3, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Maps? Of the universe?



You would be surprised what kind of maps I have. I come from a long line of people who have found their way.


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 3, 2008)

Believe me... I have been in places you won't find on a map...


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Dec 3, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Believe me... I have been in places you won't find on a map...



You are right Wolfie, there are some places I just won't go! But you can't hide there forever!


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 3, 2008)

Oh, I won't hide there... Not necessary... 

I usually hide in plain sight.


----------



## CleverBomb (Dec 4, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Maps? Of the universe?


I have a 1:1 scale map of the universe.

Someone well-known said, "the map is not the territory."
Well, in this case, it is.

-Rusty


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 4, 2008)

Did you ever get lost in that map?

(Just curious, though I don't think so, for you wouldn't be here, then...) :huh:


----------



## CleverBomb (Dec 4, 2008)

Timberwolf said:


> Did you ever get lost in that map?
> 
> (Just curious, though I don't think so, for you wouldn't be here, then...) :huh:


Wherever I go, there I am.

-Rusty
(Not all who wander lack GPS)


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 5, 2008)

Does Mars have GPS already? Or Jupiter? :blink:


----------



## moore2me (Dec 5, 2008)

Dear High Haggis Queen LaLa,

I noticed today with great fear and trepidation that your avatar now proclaims you are hungry for horsemeat. If you refer to my previous post # 238 you will notice that I'm riding my warhouse "Sweetpea". I hope it is not in your plans to fricasse Sweetpea . She and I have bonded and I would be very sad to see made into Chicken Fried Steaks. Please say it's not true.


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 5, 2008)

I wonder if it still is the Haggis Queen Lala... She looks so different.


----------



## Santaclear (Dec 5, 2008)

LaLa has evidently moved on to where the haggis is greener.


----------



## Timberwolf (Dec 6, 2008)

Greener, you say... :blink: Chihaggis?


----------

