# *sigh* Why am I seen as an anomaly?



## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 12, 2007)

Ok, so last week at work, had a co-worker asked me to name a celebrity I found attractive. Right off the cuff, without thinking much, I say "Kevin James" because I think he's freakin' adorable. 

I get a raised eyebrow look from him and from another co-worker. And the question, "You mean that big guy from King of Queens?" In all honesty I don't think Kevin James is all that big. He's not scrawny, but he's not big, at least by my definition. 

I said "Yeah I think he's adorable!" 

Later in the week, same co-worker sees my desktop picture. It's me and my guy. He says..."Well he's certainly a big boy." I say "He sure is!" 

Nothing more said. 

Then today...same co-worker comes in, asking me if his tie and shirt are a good match. Then, he asks if I had a good weekend. I told him I definitely did, I was kid free and am kid free till Thursday. That me and the Z-man are having fun. 

It was then, and only then that he looked at me and it was as if I could see the light bulb turn on over his head. "You like big guys don't ya?" 

I looked at him and said "DUH." 

Anyway, now I feel like some kind of anomaly around her, or some kind of novelty, he's asked me what I thought about guys that are Ruben from AI's size, and any other big guy he can think of. 

Oh well, it's not like it's a hidden thing, but it's a little different sometimes. I had to get this out and figured this board is the best place. 

So you other FFAs out there, have you ever felt like you were treated as a novelty because of your preference?


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## one_shy_writer (Mar 12, 2007)

Worse yet, I've been called a freak and actually been shunned over it. And I know from reading other threads and whatnot, I'm not the only one who's had that experience. We're not even that "different," so I just can't figure out why people treat us like freaks...


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## Waxwing (Mar 12, 2007)

People can be so infuriating.

I really don't understand why anyone's preference is worthy of comment. If I know someone who, say, really likes blue eyes, how is that any different? 

What nonsense. BlueEyedBanshee, I'm sorry your co-workers are being such dorks about the whole thing.


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## AnnMarie (Mar 12, 2007)

I think it's good that you're vocal and although I'm sure the questions can be a bit annoying, it's good that you're open about them and giving answers. 

I think FAs (of women) find this type of questioning a lot more common, but since it's not often such a "HUGE" deal for women to be paired with a big guy, they're probably just genuinely interested in it... you've got a preference and it's sort of neat when you start delving into what people really like. 

Sorry, I'm not really walking in your shoes here, but I just thought you should know I think it's great when anyone owns up to their likes/dislikes and is willing to discuss them to enlighten others that not EVERYONE has to be the cookie-cutter, Hollywood-fed mindless drones that many are.


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## ZainTheInsane (Mar 12, 2007)

I'm not gay nor am I a BHM...but I do think it is awesome when a girl likes bigger guys. Because I have plenty of friends who are awesome guys, but they have no confidence because they are bigger guys. Most of them don't like big girls, and their idea of beauty is pretty mainstream. I think they honestly go through some, if not all, of the same insecurities about their bodies that BBWs do. 

not that I'm advertising for them, but if I find a girl who enjoys or likes big guys, I'll try to find some way to have them meet my friend. I know, it may seem manipulative, but all I really do is make sure they're both either hanging out with me and some other mutual friends some where, or at a party. And I introduce them, and let it go under its own power from there.

So far two of the many people I've introduced have gotten together, one of those two is currently engaged. So, honestly I'm always happy to meet girls who enjoy bigger guys, because I get to give my friends a chance to meet someone who they might enjoy being with. And I give the girl a chance to meet a guy who I know is nice, fun, and interesting to be around.

Of course...this is all my point of view, so I might be a bad person...but it seems pretty nice in my view.


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## Blondeegrldd (Mar 12, 2007)

I know exactly where you are coming from. It doesn't bother me most of the time. In fact, I love being a novelty.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 12, 2007)

It's not particularly bothersome. But as Waxwing said, why is it any different than if someone perfers blue eyes, or blonde hair?

Anyway, now I know for the next few days at least I'll have a question or two about him. And it's not like they've never seen my boyfriend or pictures of him. The fact that he's a big guy is quite obvious, there's a pic of us in my profile if anyone's interested.

Alright enough complaining. I'm going to go have some fun


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## Blondeegrldd (Mar 12, 2007)

Ooooh - he is quite dashing.


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## tonynyc (Mar 12, 2007)

Being a novelty always keeps thinga interesting and anyway.. you both make an adorable couple


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## rabbitislove (Mar 12, 2007)

I don't mind being the anomily among my friends, and a good chunk of my family thinks its cool. My 14 year old cousin told me "Hey big boys need love too - someones gotta give it to em!" Smart girl.

However, I do wish I had more FFAs around so I could *in detail* discuss what turns me on. I guess thats what this here board is for, ladies?


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## Fish (Mar 13, 2007)

Ahh, novelty. So many people don't ever look outside what they see on MTV, or a CW show as an example of what everyone's supposed to look like that it just boggles folks minds to see or hear ANYTHING otside their sphere of thought.

Heck, I'm the walking novelty wikipedia among my friends, family and co-workers.

MOST people in my life with the exception of my mother have finally wrapped their minds around the idea that I REALLY do prefer big women. Occasionally I get the annoying, stupid or just plain insulting questions like: _"But why? Isn't that disgusting?"_ But more often than not it's the bizarre curiosity questions that make my intended ladies little more than aliens on display at the zoo to them. *Sigh*

Of course, my closest friends also know that I prefer MYSELF Fat. In fact, I go out of my way to get fatter from time to time. It's how I think I look best and I love feeling fat. Now THAT one gets some interesting looks and questions.

After THAT, I can just mention that I'm an athiest and heads practically explode. heheh


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## Waxwing (Mar 13, 2007)

Fish said:


> Occasionally I get the annoying, stupid or just plain insulting questions like: _"But why? Isn't that disgusting?"_ But more often than not it's the bizarre curiosity questions that make my intended ladies little more than aliens on display at the zoo to them. *Sigh*


 
The fact that people can be that tactless sickens me. I just do not understand why it is anyone else's business. I guess I also don't understand why fat is considered disgusting. I'm small, but I don't think that I've ever thought "eeeww"...I mean it's simply a different body type. Period. I'm not tall either, but I never bit down on insults at the approach of a tall guy. Senseless. 

You're right that people are frightened to experience life or opinions outside of what they're fed. I really do find that sad. They're missing out on the incredibly excitement that is difference. If they would open themselves up, sure they may not immediately take a shine to BHMs and BBWs (though this would probably happen pretty damned often), but they may find other, so-called "unusual" things that they enjoy. 

How many people are missing out on _themselves_ by forcing themselves to live within the cookie-cutter strictures of modern society? 

ahem..sorry. I ranted.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 13, 2007)

That's just it, it's their utter tactlessness as well as complete stupidity that never ceases to amaze me.

The questioning was very minimal today. However, he pointed out one of the men working in our building on the new boiler installation. He asked me if that guy'd be my type. 

I took a good look at the guy, he was cute, and he was a big man. I said, yep, he's a hottie.

That was the end of the questioning for the day. :batting:


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## persimmon (Mar 13, 2007)

And I think, as more of us come out about it, it may eventually lessen the pressure on each of us individually.

But in the meantime, goddamnit, it sucks being on display. I'm atypical in a lot of ways: half-Asian, married young, likes fat guys, makes kimchi, and on and on.

Some things are OK to interrogate me about: the kimchi, for instance. But the closer it cuts to someone's identity, the less ok it is to ask invasive personal questions about it. I won't put up with anyone impugning my Asian-American credentials, and neither will I put up with persistent questioning about any other facets of my identity if they're coming from someone I don't know well and trust.

People who know me well enough will figure it out; it's written all over my husband, the way his big-boob preference is visible on my chest. Everyone else can stuff it.

persimmon


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## FatKatLuvr (Mar 14, 2007)

persimmon said:


> And I think, as more of us come out about it, it may eventually lessen the pressure on each of us individually.
> 
> But in the meantime, goddamnit, it sucks being on display. I'm atypical in a lot of ways: half-Asian, married young, likes fat guys, makes kimchi, and on and on.
> 
> ...



Hi. I'm an FA, twice over because I'm bi, I'm attracted to SSBBWS and SSBHMS. Hope you forgive me for "intruding". But I just had to put my two cents in on this.

AnnMarie is right on target. As an FA . I've received and still receive this type of questioning from co-workers, friends (new acquaintances) and on occasion family (very rare nowdays). 

People have natural curiosities that sometimes get the better of them. In other words, they can take their line of questioning too far. They seem to be trying to psychoanalyze our preference in order to understand us better or as a means of trying to gauge how to "judge" us. Once you've been "judged", then it's decided how to "treat" you. This is done in varying ways and not everyone who does this is using it as a means of judgement. It's complicated to figure out which is which because ALL of it feels like you are being judged.

The real culprit is our society. We are suppose to be living in a democracy, a place where diversity is accepted, respected, cherished and encouraged. That's the perceived international concept. 

In reality, we live in a hypocrisy, a place where diversity is declared all the while it's really put under a magnifying glass and analyzed like evidence at a crime scene investigation.

Non-FA's and Non-FFA's, who buy into the concept that there is really a socially acceptable "norm", have a hard time understanding anything that runs against the grain of that perception.

Right now we live in a world where at every turn it is being touted that "thin is in" and "has always been" and that anything else is just plain unacceptable, weird and even worse perverted. Having our attraction makes some people "uneasy"and "uncomfortable". They just don't get it. They find it hard to believe that anyone would really want to be with someone that maybe larger in size than themselves. 

The reason for this type of thinking is that they don't see large people as people with feelings needs, desires, lives or attractability. 

"Fat" people are suppose to be the "untouchables" of the world. 

As FA's/FFA's, we make large people "touchable". We are displaying who we are to the world and the world doesn't like it. Our preference is seen as a "fetish", an "abnormality", a "deviation".

What AnnMarie was saying is that, what you have experienced is something that vocal, open, professed FA's encounter almost all the time. You may not feel that it is necessary to have to explain your preference or even defend it but, given the way things are now it is very important to educate the "curious". 

Be open to it. Talk to the "curious" and even the misinformed. The more that information spreads and education is achieved, the more ignorance is diminshed. By all means that doesn't mean that you have to put up with daily B.S.. That's not acceptable under any circumstances.

You would be surprised at the countless number of times I have had full blown discussions, debates and friendly pow-wows about my preferences. Sometimes it seems pointless but at the same time there is progress, because there is always someone who comes back and says- " oh, I didn't think about it that way!" What seems easy to understand to us, just isn't for others.:bow: 

** Sometimes it's fun to hear how absurd the way some people think. And sometimes it's not. Take it easy and keep your wits about you, it'll be alright at the end of the day because you'll go home to the person you love and you don't have to explain anything to him. 

FatKatLuvr


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## FatKatLuvr (Mar 14, 2007)

BLUEeyedBanshee said:


> The questioning was very minimal today. However, he pointed out one of the men working in our building on the new boiler installation. He asked me if that guy'd be my type.
> 
> I took a good look at the guy, he was cute, and he was a big man. I said, yep, he's a hottie.
> 
> That was the end of the questioning for the day. :batting:



After everything I pointed out before I forgot to mention that there are some people who are just being friendly and want to "assist" with pointing out a nice "view-gasm", on occasion. :smitten: 

Sometimes this can be very annoying and other times it's welcomed. They want to connect with us as part of understanding us and our preference. They want to get a "feel" for what turns us on. However, if you find that to be a silly gesture then you should make a point of it to let this guy know that you don't appreciate him doing so. Remember to be nice about it.:happy: 

FatKatLuvr


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 14, 2007)

I remember the first time I met someone who liked feet. I didn't think it was weird, just different. I knew it was somewhat a common thing but I had all kinds of questions which I asked in firing fashion. (He was some guy online who dug my profile pictures so I felt free to dig through his drawers just like he was digging through mine) Seriously, he was a novelty for just a few moments. My ignorance was truly ignorance, I didn't know anything so since I had an in with him I started asking insipid questions in and attempt to understand some stuff. I even told him that I didnt mean to make him uncomfortable, I was just curious and he seemed a little edgy but otherwise ok with it.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that people are probably a little excited because they are seeing a real live FFA in the flesh and they're dying to ask you stuff. The novelty will wear off eventually and they will have most likely forgotten all about it once the new car smell has gone.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 14, 2007)

I like that...the lack of new car smell. 

I'm sure it'll wear off soon...


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 14, 2007)

New computer tech guy filled out paperwork today.

He's adorable. Big guy, broad shouldered, rounded belly, thick legs...so of course...nosey co-worker shows up, asks if I've met the new guy.

I tell him I have.

He asks if that'll be a distraction.

I said not at all...I'll kick my tower a few times next week when he starts, and request him to come fix it...then stand back and watch him crawl under my desk. :eat2: 

I am going to have fun with this. 

In all seriousness, he is very cute, now I'm going to take a better approach with the curious one.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 14, 2007)

BLUEeyedBanshee said:


> ...I'll kick my tower a few times next week when he starts, and request him to come fix it...then stand back and watch him crawl under my desk. :eat2:



pst px plz thx. :eat2: Sounds like you're having plenty of fun with this already! Careful playing with these folks though. If you open the door too much they will be in your business all the time.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 14, 2007)

I will have to stealthily get pics and post them  

I will be careful...don't need him in my business all the time, but I figure what the heck.


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## Jes (Mar 14, 2007)

i think Lilly is right. 

By the same token, I wonder what people are REALLY interested in, once they've asked you the same question 12 times. 

Sometimes I just smile and say: you seem really curious about this. Is there something you're not asking?



If there is, asking might elicit the right question. OR get them to realize they've asked enough. 

It's something to think about if the questions don't stop.


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## Tad (Mar 14, 2007)

Jes said:


> i think Lilly is right.
> 
> By the same token, I wonder what people are REALLY interested in, once they've asked you the same question 12 times.
> 
> Sometimes I just smile and say: you seem really curious about this. Is there something you're not asking?



After I read this thread earlier, this same thought started growing in my head. I just came to post it, and found Jes beat me to it.


I'm thinking the same as Jes? Should I be scared?


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## AnnMarie (Mar 14, 2007)

I'll be interested to see how he handles it when he asks about a big guy that you don't happen to find particularly attractive (maybe body is ok, but face is not your style, etc). I wonder if he gets it's a combination thing and not just any ol' big guy would catch your fancy as a "hottie" in total.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 15, 2007)

That will be a fun one. I'm not sure he gets that part yet.


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## Jes (Mar 15, 2007)

edx said:


> After I read this thread earlier, this same thought started growing in my head. I just came to post it, and found Jes beat me to it.
> 
> 
> I'm thinking the same as Jes? Should I be scared?



don't forget about my threat to kill you all with one finger, Ed! I can bring that gem back from the vault if need be!


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## Tad (Mar 15, 2007)

Jes said:


> don't forget about my threat to kill you all with one finger, Ed! I can bring that gem back from the vault if need be!



Jes, Jes, Jes, I've been married for a dozen years: I neither intimidate nor die that easily anymore. After the first few deaths you built up a tolerance....but I appreciate the sentiment :bow: 

-Ed


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## Oceanbreeze (Mar 16, 2007)

Ever since I realized that I like big guys, I knew that I had different tastes compared to most women. It has never really bothered me that I am seen by the public as peculiar. It is just one of the many facets that make me who I am.

Though, I have been more open about my preferences in men. Most people have not put two and two together, as of yet.


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## gorddito (Mar 16, 2007)

this is interesting i think, because even if is this mostly a feeling of FFa girls (being asked about your preferences, or coming out of the closet), also it shows some of the feelings that a big guy have to deal with. i mean you find odd, or not so comfortable, that people ask about your preferences. you like fat guys and people see that at least like unusual. 
how do you think they would act, when a fat guy try to act like if him were someone to be liked? 

i don't wanna say this is the reason of the lack of self confidence and low self esteem in big guys, but this is a thing that a fat guy have to deal with too when he tries to build up a self esteem, or when he tries to feel attractive.


pd. sorry for the bad english.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 17, 2007)

I don't think that people find it strange to see a woman with a big man. What is strange to people is when a woman says she prefers big men and big men only. My niece who is only a year younger than I has never dated a thin guy. Her husband was a big man and her subsequent boyfriends after she divorced are all big men. Nobody paid any attention to it until my sister commented on the pattern. Then it became news for only a week or so. But she had been dating big men for over 20 years and no one thought it strange. It wasn't anything until it started to look like something, then it became interesting. Now we're back to where no one cares anymore.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 17, 2007)

That's it exactly Lilly. They don't pay attention that all the guys I date are big guys, but when I said Kevin James as my celebrity of choice. And then the connection that my guy is a big guy lit the bulb above his head.

His questions have been much better than what I had gotten from family members in the past. There were some that would question my choices, or just say, well he treats her really well, that's why she's with him. 

I know that there are some people who feel that a big guy is a big target, and they feel that they can say anything regarding their weight. That's not right either.

Anyway, time to get cooking. lol


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 18, 2007)

I don't fall under the category of "FFA" but I have been attracted (and even dated, on occasion) guys that are chubby to big. I love a man with some size on him- makes me feel "safe"  I find that I would actually prefer one that is bigger in the weight side than one that is too thin. (However, a man's size is never the deciding factor in whether or not I date him)
Fuck 'em if someone doesn't like my choices.... especially someone I just work with or is just an acquaintance. 

Could you post a pic or two of the guy that you were talking about in the OP please? I'm not sure who he is..... :blush: :


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 18, 2007)

I think you meant Kevin James right? Well here's two pics of him. 
















Or do you mean my guy? Of so here he is. 







Hope I covered all my bases...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 18, 2007)

OOooOOOoOoOOoO Kevin James ain't bad at all..... 

He doesn't look big enough to be BHM material really though, imo....


Your husband looks like a big sweetie- but I'm sure you know that already


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## AnyaDServal (Mar 18, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> OOooOOOoOoOOoO Kevin James ain't bad at all.....
> 
> He doesn't look big enough to be BHM material really though, imo....



He's lost weight too...but he's still hot in my book!


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## Canonista (Mar 19, 2007)

BLUEeyedBanshee said:


> It's not particularly bothersome. But as Waxwing said, why is it any different than if someone perfers blue eyes, or blonde hair?
> 
> Anyway, now I know for the next few days at least I'll have a question or two about him. And it's not like they've never seen my boyfriend or pictures of him. The fact that he's a big guy is quite obvious, there's a pic of us in my profile if anyone's interested.
> 
> Alright enough complaining. I'm going to go have some fun



You're a good looking couple who seem happy together.

I can't imagine why anyone would look down on you for that. If they're not happy that you're happy then you don't need them for a friend.


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## JustPlainJim (Mar 24, 2007)

*waves* Can I reply anyway, even though I'm a guy?

I know how you feel. My family's noticed I act a bit differently around certain kinds of women. I was half-flirting with a pregnant waitress (maiesiophilia. One of my other quirks)... Took me a while to live that one down. 

And I've had multiple conversations with my friend (former bodybuilder who hates gaining weight) on my love of large women. Oh, the looks he's given me...
"Jim, you don't have to settle-"
"No, Vance. I LIKE big girls!"
"... ... Oh!"

And, for some reason, when we were driving around, he made a crack about hating 'the fat chick'..
"Why?"
"Because she's fat!"
"So?"
"But she's fat!"
"So?"
"But she's-" He looks at me... "- ... Nevermind."


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 24, 2007)

Sure you can! 

I just don't understand why any of us, guys or girls, are seen as anomalies. Seriously why is it anyone else's business what we prefer?



And I've heard the "you don't have to settle for..." comment from family members for a long time. Family got over that pretty fast.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 24, 2007)

BLUEeyedBanshee said:


> Sure you can!
> 
> I just don't understand why any of us, guys or girls, are seen as anomalies. *Seriously why is it anyone else's business what we prefer?
> *
> ...




I agree totally that it's "nobody's business" but then again, being open about the preference might just help to influence someone's close minded/ignorant mentality by showing them something "better" 

Letting people see you happy with a big guy- or a guy happy with a big woman- is sure to give some people pause and make them think twice


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## FatAndProud (Mar 24, 2007)

not only are bhm adorable. they're also, in my opinion, funny as hell.


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## Krissy12 (Mar 26, 2007)

This thread reminds me of around Christmastime last year, I guy I have been friends with/dated for a couple of years came over to my parents house to help me with my car that was stuck in the driveway. He's about 5'4", 250. Nice round belly on him, all that. Anyway..come time for the family Christmas party and my stepfather asks me (at the party) "Why didn't you bring roly poly with you?" I gave him the most wretched look ever and he just said, "I was kidding!".
I'm bigger than my friend! Not that my stepfather is known for his tact....


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 26, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I agree totally that it's "nobody's business" but then again, being open about the preference might just help to influence someone's close minded/ignorant mentality by showing them something "better"
> 
> Letting people see you happy with a big guy- or a guy happy with a big woman- is sure to give some people pause and make them think twice



I think it also comes as a shock to some people to hear that there are women who actually prefer large men. Just about everyone is familiar with the lingo chubby chasers and what have you pertaining to guys who like big girls/men. But a woman into big guys just isn't discussed or recognized. To many people the concept is a brand new idea being opened outside the box. I'm the type who would rather not become the rallying cry for social change around the world but sometimes I find myself having to answer questions on something that a lot of people are just ignorant about through no fault of their own.


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