# Dwes's Depressingly Dillapidated and Decrepit Dungeon Domocile



## dwesterny (Dec 21, 2017)

*The room is almost empty save for an aura of malevolence. A faint rustling can be heard coming from no discernable direction. The floor and some parts of the walls are marred with what might be drag marks gouged out by human fingernails. In places there are reddish brown stains soaked into the floor. Also there is a lovely carnival glass bowl full of ribbon candy sitting invitingly on the only piece of furniture in the room.*


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## djudex (Dec 21, 2017)

I roll to disbelieve!


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## ODFFA (Dec 22, 2017)

*Feels right at home*

This candy though. I don't trust it. Looks like the kind that might've been imported from Wonderland or somewhere similar. It's been a bit of a year. I don't need to meet any more mad hatters, chainsmokers who are always questioning my identity . . . or fragile-egoed dictators with tiny hands.

I'll just stick around here and see if anyone else is feeling adventurous


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## Xyantha Reborn (Dec 22, 2017)

You mean almost empty except for you? I mean, you take up not an insignificant amount of space.

I FART (find and remove traps).


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## dwesterny (Dec 22, 2017)

*pelts Xyantha with stale ribbon candy*
*drags in chairs for the other visitors* don't get excited they're not comfortable chairs. One leg on each is a bit shorter than the rest so any time you shift the chair makes a clacking noise and tips slightly forward.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Dec 22, 2017)

*looks up what ribbon candy is - the fak?*

Also - i feel like this is an accurate description of 92.5% of chairs out there.


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## agouderia (Dec 23, 2017)

What exactly is ribbon candy - stale or fresh???


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 23, 2017)

agouderia said:


> What exactly is ribbon candy - stale or fresh???



You just reminded me of something I forgot to buy this year :doh:

Hard candy in the shape of curvy ribbons. Usually sold around Christmas







Oh and *subscribes*


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## fat hiker (Jan 9, 2018)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You just reminded me of something I forgot to buy this year :doh:
> 
> Hard candy in the shape of curvy ribbons. Usually sold around Christmas
> 
> ...



Ribbon candy! Been a couple of years since I saw any for sale. It was a staple of Christmases in my East Coast childhood.


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## dwesterny (Jan 11, 2018)

Yup, that's about right. 

View attachment IMG_20180111_002004.png


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jan 17, 2018)

dwesterny said:


> Yup, that's about right.



Why does your gravestone look like a loaf of wonderbread?


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## dwesterny (Jan 18, 2018)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Why does your gravestone look like a loaf of wonderbread?



You don't know what Oregon Trail is? &#128559;


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## MattB (Jan 18, 2018)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Why does your gravestone look like a loaf of wonderbread?



I see a bum.


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## dwesterny (Jan 18, 2018)

If you too really don't know what the Oregon trail is I feel so bad for you. Canadian cretons. 

View attachment oregon_trail.jpg


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## dwesterny (Jan 18, 2018)

This emulator only works well on a computer, not a smartphone. 
https://archive.org/details/msdos_Oregon_Trail_The_1990


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## loopytheone (Jan 19, 2018)

I don't know what it is either and I'm not canadian.


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## dwesterny (Jan 19, 2018)

Ok, so the Oregon trail is a video game ubiquitous throughout American primary schools in the 1980s and early 1990s. The player takes the role of an ox pulled covered wagon party leader travelling from Illinois to California to settle the frontier lands in the 1850s era. Players had to buy food, ammunition and oxen to pull the cart and then set a travel pace and food rations based on the health of the party and amount of supplies available along with a bunch of other features. If your rations were low and or your pace too high party members would get sick and if you didn't rest and up food rations the party could die from measles, snakebite, exhaustion, typhoid, cholera and (everyone's favorite) dysentery. 

Party members that died would be memorialized with a digital tombstone one which would appear their name and you could add an epitaph. You could pick party member names during initial set up and if you were a dumb ass like myself you might pick silly and dumb names as well as setting the most grueling pace with the smallest rations and no rest in order to kill your entire family as fast as possible (hopefully of dysentery) and cap off this educational experience by typing some immature epitaph for you and your friends to giggle at on the digital tombstone.


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## Melian (Jan 24, 2018)

dwesterny said:


> Canadian cretons.



Is that a cross between a cretin and crouton? 

(Oregon Trail was on every school computer in the 90's....)


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## djudex (Jan 24, 2018)

dwesterny said:


> If you too really don't know what the Oregon trail is I feel so bad for you. Canadian cretons.



Brah, what the what? 

Ahh it's okay, we forgive you.


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## tankyguy (Jan 24, 2018)

I'll see your Oregon Trail and raise you Crosscountry Canada.

This amazingly educational title for the Apple II and DOS puts you behind the wheel of an 18-wheeler as you transport useful cargo(like asbestos and maple syrup!) between various Canadian cities.

The game really shines at simulating the life of a longhaul trucker as you spend hours keeping the truck between the lines, waiting because you arrived too early and the warehouse is closed, sleeping because you arrived too early and the warehouse is closed, waiting for a ferry, stopping for gas, stopping because it's snowing, stopping because you're too tired, stopping to eat at diners, and getting pulled over for speeding.

Also note that there is NO WAY to end this game. There's no finish in the original school version; they removed the money/economy system. You just keep moving cargo back and forth until you shut the game off.


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## dwesterny (May 23, 2018)

Wait, what?


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## MattB (May 23, 2018)

I simultaneously love and hate that.


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## dwesterny (Jun 13, 2018)

Kilgore Trout once wrote a short story which was a dialogue between two pieces of yeast. They were discussing the possible purposes of life as they ate sugar and suffocated in their own excrement. Because of their limited intelligence, they never came close to guessing that they were making champagne.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Jun 14, 2018)

Truly a fable for our time.


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## dwesterny (Jul 7, 2018)

Occasionally I will make a point of renting a hotel room with a large enough bathtub for me to fit into (2 person deep soaking tubs usually). Today while using such a tub I adjusted my position too quickly. The subsequent displacment of an extreme volume of water resulted in a moderate sized tsunami originating in my bathtub. One wall of the hotel has been knocked down and much furniture washed out of the opening caused in the 3rd floor wall. A bichon frise named Mango has been reported missing and a search is under way. No other casualties have been reported.


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## DragonFly (Jul 7, 2018)

dwesterny said:


> Occasionally I will make a point of renting a hotel room with a large enough bathtub for me to fit into (2 person deep soaking tubs usually). Today while using such a tub I adjusted my position too quickly. The subsequent displacment of an extreme volume of water resulted in a moderate sized tsunami originating in my bathtub. One wall of the hotel has been knocked down and much furniture washed out of the opening caused in the 3rd floor wall. A bichon frise named Mango has been reported missing and a search is under way. No other casualties have been reported.


Interesting, this event popped up on my buzzfeed alert. The Bichon Frise is fine, but quite soggy.


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## dwesterny (Oct 26, 2018)

Adopting a new cat. I pick him up next week after he's de-balled. Taking name suggestions, please.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Oct 26, 2018)

My wife says to just ask the cat, and it will tell you its name. Of course, she may have some sort of psychic bond with cats that you and I don't. Or maybe not: our cat's name is 'Meow'.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Oct 26, 2018)

How silly do you want to be?


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## dwesterny (Oct 26, 2018)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> How silly do you want to be?


I mean my first thought was Sir Scratchgood McClawington. The best suggestion so far was Hairy Pawter, excpet I'd feel like a fake because I'm not a Harry Potter fan.


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## agouderia (Oct 26, 2018)

Such a little cutie! Take good care of him !

Picking up on your name composition in English: How about Gratsounao - or I scratch - in Greek?


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## Dr. Feelgood (Oct 26, 2018)

agouderia said:


> Picking up on your name composition in English: How about Gratsounao - or I scratch - in Greek?



If you're in the mood for something Greek, how about Clytemnestra? She was pretty catty, as I recall.


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## agouderia (Oct 27, 2018)

From what Dwes wrote, I inferred the cat is an ex-he-to-be - so the choice of a male name.


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## dwesterny (Oct 27, 2018)

Frontrunner so far is Napolean. He's a small guy and both the movie Napoleon Dynamite and a steak place called Napolean's have some meaning to me and my s/o. Still looking at other names.


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## agouderia (Oct 27, 2018)

If you're looking for a short French ruler, then Mitterrand, Sarkozy, Hollande and Macron come to mind as potential name alternatives......


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## dwesterny (Apr 27, 2020)




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## JackCivelli (Apr 28, 2020)

dwesterny said:


> Adopting a new cat. I pick him up next week after he's de-balled. Taking name suggestions, please.



Old Neuteronomy


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## JackCivelli (Apr 28, 2020)

JackCivelli said:


> Old Neuteronomy


I realize that post is 2 years old but I couldn’t pass up on sharing a solid-gold name like that.

What ever came of Old Neuteronomy anyway?


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## dwesterny (Mar 16, 2021)

Idk may as well throw some of my pics in here.


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