# Apologies...



## Jon Blaze (Apr 22, 2009)

When I was about 14, I had an acquaintance that I use to ride the bus with.

I thought of her today. At the time I was still closeted, and I remember that there were some times where I insulted her for a lot of things including her weight.

We eventually became friends, and I'm pretty sure I at least somewhat had the hots for her.

I just realized that I never really apologized for all the mean things I said. Not that I want to dwell so much in the past, but I thought it was necessary, and I finally did today. It feels good. 

I know it may sound weird, but have any of you had any experiences like this? Or better yet: Is there anyone of x size over the years that you wish you could apologize to because you may have not treated them in the best way?


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## Jay West Coast (Apr 23, 2009)

I've definitely had moments--and whole relationships--of immaturity. There are definite regrets that I have toward certain beautiful fat people. Definitely my fault, and definitely owe the big fat world a favour. 

On the other hand, your story of realising you liked a fat girl from your youth reminds me of the story my mom often tells me. In context to my FA-ness, she often recites how in kindergarten no one was friends with the fat girl except for me. But, I wanted to be besties with her anyways. I was 5--really, I had no idea.

Regardless, my mom was probably right. My latent FA-itude informed my childhood interactions even then. At least she's only telling me the nice stories...


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## the hanging belly (Apr 26, 2009)

I never picked on people because of their size because I was pretty big myself. But I did have one girl say sorry, and it was genuine, for picking on me, and it was really nice to hear that she was good enough to try and make things right (she was also quite nice to me after that). I remembered the other day though that I had picked on some other girls for idiotic questions they had asked at school (such as what is the USSR?) and they were pretty humiliated because of it. I got humiliated recently at uni when a teacher misunderstood what I had said and the whole class laughed, and I really wish I could go back and apologize to those girls. The thing is, you can regret, but there comes a time where you may lose contact with people and can't apologize. Regret hopefully can make us better people in the long run though


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## Twilley (Apr 26, 2009)

I know what you mean...I wish I had actually let myself ask this one girl out back when I was in high school. We had the same tastes, and hung out alot. And then I think someone made a joke about it, or something...and I think I shunned her...I can't remember. I was a royal jerk, and I have regretted few things more than how I acted towards her. 

*Facepalm*


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## WomanlyHips (Apr 26, 2009)

This is an apology from a totally different angle. When I was in high school back many-many years ago now I knew this kid named Bill. Bill was a year younger and my chemistry partner in school. He was tall and awkward, he wasnt the most popular kid in school but he was friendly and open to others.

Bill was one of the nicest people I knew at that time in my life. We talked about things with ease and wed laugh together until the head of my chemistry teacher would sharply turn from the blackboard and with his piercing blue eyes hed glare at us from over his horn rimmed glasses. 

Out of the blue one day he asked me to go to some dance that was occurring that next weekend. I was frankly stunned and struggled to try to figure out why hed do such a thing. Was this some sort of joke? Pity, maybe? How could someone like him even consider asking someone like me out? I was fat, had big glasses, and wasnt even remotely popular.

So needless to say I said, no, and have regretted it ever since. Being a teenager is hard and rejection leaves a lasting mark. Only now do I think about how my own insecurities about myself-my size, may have effected how he saw himself at that time. So to him I sincerely apologize, although chances are he may ever see this.

However, maybe other young men may read this and better understand why that cute fat chick in any given class may have looked at them with doubtful-narrowed eyes as you asked them out or complimented them on their pretty smiles. Or why that pretty chubby girl on the bus looked down quickly as you smiled at them with a big toothy grin. 

There have been plenty of times that I have thought, if only I could see myself through my partners eyes, as he tells me how beautiful and wonderful I am to him. The quest for full acceptance of self is never ending but I thankfully acknowledge that Ive come a long way since I was that girl in high school.


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## TallFatSue (Apr 29, 2009)

Jon Blaze said:


> Is there anyone of x size over the years that you wish you could apologize to because you may have not treated them in the best way?





Twilley said:


> I was a royal jerk, and I have regretted few things more than how I acted towards her.


Permit me to chime in, because I'm something of an expert on this. Wayyyy back in 1977 a certain stupidly annoying jerk began to hang around me and tell me every fat joke he knew. After a while, however, methought he doth protest too much, so I triple-dared him to take me on a date and behave like a gentleman. To my horror he accepted the challenge, and to my delight we had a great time. He apologized profusely for being a horse's ass, and explained he had never fallen in love with a fat girl before so he overcompensated in the worst way. Apology accepted, and now Art is serving a life sentence as my husband. :smitten:

With no time off whatsoever for good behavior (although he does give me ecstatic full-body massages). :smitten:

And the moral to this story is: apologize early, and often. And give her full-body massages as if your life depended on it. That fat woman just might be your soul mate.


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## Fyreflyintheskye (Apr 29, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> Permit me to chime in, because I'm something of an expert on this. Wayyyy back in 1977 a certain stupidly annoying jerk began to hang around me and tell me every fat joke he knew. After a while, however, methought he doth protest too much, so I triple-dared him to take me on a date and behave like a gentleman. To my horror he accepted the challenge, and to my delight we had a great time. He apologized profusely for being a horse's ass, and explained he had never fallen in love with a fat girl before so he overcompensated in the worst way. Apology accepted, and now Art is serving a life sentence as my husband. :smitten:
> 
> With no time off whatsoever for good behavior (although he does give me ecstatic full-body massages). :smitten:
> 
> And the moral to this story is: apologize early, and often. And give her full-body massages as if your life depended on it. That fat woman just might be your soul mate.



awwww. heehe, que romantico!


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## Jon Blaze (Apr 30, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> Permit me to chime in, because I'm something of an expert on this. Wayyyy back in 1977 a certain stupidly annoying jerk began to hang around me and tell me every fat joke he knew. After a while, however, methought he doth protest too much, so I triple-dared him to take me on a date and behave like a gentleman. To my horror he accepted the challenge, and to my delight we had a great time. He apologized profusely for being a horse's ass, and explained he had never fallen in love with a fat girl before so he overcompensated in the worst way. Apology accepted, and now Art is serving a life sentence as my husband. :smitten:
> 
> With no time off whatsoever for good behavior (although he does give me ecstatic full-body massages). :smitten:
> 
> And the moral to this story is: apologize early, and often. And give her full-body massages as if your life depended on it. That fat woman just might be your soul mate.




One of the best comebacks in history! :wubu: That's such an interesting story.


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## Les Toil (May 2, 2009)

I was fat (or "husky" as my grandma called me) for much of my childhood until the 11th grade, so I guess I had a bonding empathy for my larger schoolmates--during and after my own heaviness.

The question I wish I could get an answer for is, would I have made any disparaging remarks to fat kids had I been thin throughout my childhood? I'd like to think "no"--but who knows.


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## exile in thighville (May 5, 2009)

i've only ever made fun of someone's weight once and it was too easy.

i came into my high school's lit mag meeting wearing plaid bondage pants and a 200-ish girl i disliked started cracking on it. my riposte: "at least i can fit into bondage pants!" i already knew full well i was an fa and don't have an excuse really. i don't think she lost sleep over it, but she is on my facebook and her profile is all fat angle shots so that all kind of sucks.


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## The Orange Mage (Dec 9, 2010)

Another necropost, but the FA/FFA board moves so slow and there's some great stuff in the back pages.

To the girl at the junior high dance at that other Catholic school a town or two over: you friends were trying to find someone to slow dance with you. I was caught like a deer in the headlights, and your friend pointing to you 30 feet off didn't help things. In retrospect you were an adorable dork-queen, with your curly hair, thick glasses, and way bigger than any girl my age I had seen up to that point. (Near 300, I'd guess. All over in terms of shape) The least I could have done is given you that dance, and maybe even have told you how much I liked the way you looked, even if it was met with the age-typical suspicion and doubt that an FA gets from a young fat girl.

And to you, girl I would see in the halls of high school a few years later: You were the short, pear-shaped cutie who hung out with the typical skinny-girl group. You had the cutest (and biggest) butt and belly, yet such small shoulders and arms. I was too shy, and honestly I'm entirely sure you aren't my type in the least, but to see a few years later your Facebook comments on pictures your friends uploaded with you in them, where you so brutally eviscerate yourself with "EWWWW" and "BARF BARF BARF" and other awful things, and others don't say a thing about the awful way you see yourself...it hurt to see you hurt like that, and I hope someday you find peace with your body.


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## The Fez (Dec 9, 2010)

To the girl i liked at the tail-end of college but didn't go after due to fear of social suicide, my bad.

Turns out she was a bitch though so eh


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## PeanutButterfly (Dec 9, 2010)

I love this thread. It gives me hope that the guys who clearly liked me but refused to admit it in high school and middle school might someday look back and go "wow I missed out on something great!" Its never good to live your life with too regrets, but I definitely don't think it hurts anyone to look back and realize what they could have done differently. I'd love to hear my high school crush admit to me that he did indeed have feelings for me but he was "too shallow" to ever act upon them. I'd never date him now, not in a million years, but it'd just be nice to know that he's matured enough to realize it. 

As for my own regrets. I'd like to say I'm sorry to my friend Jamie from elementary school. I know you liked me but I was too afraid to admit to the other girls that you were nice and fun to hang out with just because your mom dressed you funny. I know how you felt now when I ran away from you on the playground. I hope you were too young to remember that. I'd like to think I'm a lot less shallow now than when I was 8 :doh:


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## IrishBard (Dec 10, 2010)

yep.

there have been countless. half of them were later snatched up and whisked away by friends... which made it worse, actually. 

whenever/ifever I do see them, I do make every attempt to. 

if I don't, I accept that I can't do anything about it. that's the cards I've been dealt, and that opportunity for love has passed me by. 

on the other hand, would I give up the life I have for anything? absolutely not.


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## gobettiepurple (Dec 10, 2010)

This is an apology from the other side as well, like Ms. Womanlyhips . . . 

My brother and I are close in age, and one of the kids that was in my grade [a year older than him] was really good friends with him. We lived close to each other and there weren't that many kids our age in this neighborhood. Anyway, all throughout elementary and junior high, this kid liked me. He would always want us to play together, when we played x-men [lol] he always wanted to be the gambit to my rogue . . . 

Well, one year for my birthday, he gave me all of these purple stuff animals, because everyone knows my favorite color is purple. Well, suffice to say that I was sort of mean to him, in that I don't think I ever said thank you or acknowledged said gift. We eventually had less and less contact, as we grew older and we went to junior high. Then, I went to catholic high school, and he actually tried to get into that school, but his parents decided not to send him [I actually found that out later, and I think my high school experience would have been different had he went there.]

Anyway, fast forward to present day, I saw him smooching his new gf in the driveway as I drove past his house . . . and she was a cute little chubette! lol . . . so now I feel like a dunce, but I am glad he is happy and I feel bad for being mean to him all those years ago, just because I was insecure about myself. Perhaps my life experience would have been different had I been a little better at expressing my self and loving myself earlier in life.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Dec 11, 2010)

i have never picked on someone because of there size,i have always been accepting of people.but being big myself,i have been on the recieving end alot of time.and being 6'3 300 plus pounds you stand out even more.you get even more noticed when your tall and big too.lol


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## LordQuas (Dec 16, 2010)

There was a girl my senior year who had a big crush on me. She flirted with me the entire football season (I was in band, she was one of the flag twirlers). The last football game of the season the cleaners messed up my uniform so I couldnt march so I was free to sit anywhere within the band section so I sat by her. Little did I know my parents were watching this the entire game. I still get crap from my mom about it to this day and her teasing is why I never actually made a move. I got her phone number, talked to her on the phone once for a couple of hours, then never called her again. She still hates me to this day, I saw her as recently as a couple months ago (I graduated HS in 2002) and she still wont talk to me and I cant really say I blame her. I just want to tell her Im sorry for being a wuss.


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## KHayes666 (Dec 16, 2010)

It haunts me to this day actually. There was one big girl I knew since I was 12 and I made 95% of my mistakes with her....

I called her fat in a bad way, some of her pix I found unattractive and didn't hesitate to say so. I thought her thigh acne was so gross I called her "pizza thighs" and above all else I had a fear of commitment that pretty much toyed with her emotions.

When I finally became an F/A at aged 17 I overkilled being one. I would call her fat in a good way but after years of being negative she still felt like I was being negative. I wanted her to be my feedee and she was aghast at such a request. I kept saying how gorgeous she was and she said I shouldn't say that because she wanted to lose weight. We fell out of contact about 4 years ago and I'm sure when she sees my name pop up on facebook she still thinks of the negatives rather than the positives.

I actually did get to apologize a few years back but she either didn't believe me or didn't care because she barely acknowledged it. The only positive at being so inept with fat girls as a teenager is that I vowed to myself I'd never make the same mistakes again. For the most part I haven't made those mistakes and I just wish she knew me now instead of the shy, profane, inexperienced 13 year old.


ETA: I was on the football team and she was a flag waver.....at a different school lol. Thinking about it made me send her a wall post on facebook.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Dec 16, 2010)

wow..quite the interesting stories...


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## Szombathy (Dec 16, 2010)

I remember a dance in seventh or eighth grade during which the heaviest girl in the class asked to dance with me. I did, but I can remember not feeling too enthused about it at the time. I also remember feeling that her arms were very heavy on my shoulders, a feeling that at the time I didn't know how to register (though I think in truth I wasn't realizing it was a bit of a turn on). 

I regret not being more supportive of her at that time.


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## bmann0413 (Dec 17, 2010)

I never really been mean to anyone of size. I was raised to be respectful to other people. And I knew that if my mom found out, I'd get my ass whupped. lol


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## CastingPearls (Dec 19, 2010)

An apology to Mitchell
You were crazy about me and at first I didn't know it. I thought you just liked me as a friend until I noticed your face would light up whenever I walked into art class and how the instructor took you into the hall to discuss how you were distracting me. I realized that I liked you a lot too and when you roundabout shyly asked me out, I panicked because you were best friends with Tony who hated me and went out of his way to ridicule me cruelly. I was best friends with his sister and he was responsible for so many tears that I actually ended my friendship with her to avoid him and here he was keeping us from getting closer. I'm sorry I didn't trust you because you were (and still are) a great guy.

Matt:
I did love you but I was afraid of everything. You gave me my first unforgettable kiss and chased me from one end of town to the other which both confused and excited me. I allowed your friends too, to break us up. I wish I had the confidence then that I do now because I really believe you'd be alive today had we stayed together.

Brian:
I'm sorry I didn't have the confidence to believe you could like me past my face and personality. I thought you were overlooking my body when you actually really wanted it which boggled my mind. Thank you for singing cowboy songs to me. Thank you for trusting me with your spazzy nerdy stuff. It's because of you that I have a soft spot in my heart for geeks. I'm glad you're happy now. She's beautiful.


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## EvilPrincess (Dec 19, 2010)

8th grade dance, Ben asked me to dance. He was wearing a white tuxedo, he was round and a cutie. I was too embarrassed to dance with him. I regret it to this day. Ben if you are out there, my apologies, it was about me and my confusion. You rocked that tuxedo.


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