# Is there anywhere?



## Colossal Blanket (Oct 30, 2014)

I'm sure this has been asked before but I'm asking it again anyway! 

Is there anywhere for a fat fella like me to meet women who appreciate my size? Apart from here of course! And by anywhere I mean a dating site or similar. I know there used to be a very rickety dating section here but it doesn't work anymore. I actually met someone using it but it was a bad experience to say the least.

I've tried fetlife with no success, despite it being open to all kinds of tastes, fantasy feeder, here, tinder with a shirtless pic as a kind of antidote to the usual male shirtless pic and to entice FFAs out of hiding, OK cupid, POF and I have had no success. The most I've had is some interest then flaking out just as things were getting interesting.

I'm thinking of just admitting defeat, losing weight to fit society's standards and then having a better chance of female company at least now and then. I don't really wanna do that as I'm not overly bothered about being fat but at the same time I don't want my sex life to be once or twice every couple of years then celibacy against my will!

Anyway thanks for reading. Please let me know of a place I may have missed. I'm in the UK by the way.


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## biglynch (Oct 30, 2014)

There's nothing out there. It's all gone, don't look, give up all hope. 

This...is ...the...END!


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Oct 30, 2014)

Colossal Blanket said:


> I'm sure this has been asked before but I'm asking it again anyway!
> 
> Is there anywhere for a fat fella like me to meet women who appreciate my size? Apart from here of course! And by anywhere I mean a dating site or similar. I know there used to be a very rickety dating section here but it doesn't work anymore. I actually met someone using it but it was a bad experience to say the least.
> 
> ...



Have you tried heading to meetups, or just generally meetig others in public? Not being snide, just curious.


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## Amaranthine (Oct 30, 2014)

Does it _have_ to be an FFA? You make it sound like dating is 100% governed by physical appearance. Is it significant? Sure. But it's going to be much more difficult when you fixate on that one thing and forget that everyone wants someone they genuinely connect with and enjoy being around. Even as someone who feels more limited in that respect than many, personality trumps appearance by far. 

I feel like some of that is naturally lost with, specifically, online dating. Everyone knows _why_ they're there and most people aren't used to having to convey personality through text. So, like Jose said, maybe it's worth trying to meet people in a non-dating environment IRL. Or maybe you should try to figure out why the aforementioned interested parties flaked out on you, because I assume you had a picture up and they knew what you looked like from the beginning.

The notion of giving up because you can't find an FFA seems ridiculous. It suggests that every single fat guy out there who's found a girlfriend has found an FFA, and I'm pretty sure that's not true. They just found a them-admirer.


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## Colossal Blanket (Oct 30, 2014)

Can see why this forum went to shit now.


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## Amaranthine (Oct 30, 2014)

Colossal Blanket said:


> Can see why this forum went to shit now.



Can see why you can't find anyone to date now


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## lille (Oct 30, 2014)

Colossal Blanket said:


> Can see why this forum went to shit now.


You said you had a few people interested that then bailed. So maybe isn't that you're fat, maybe your doing something, like being super negative, that's driving them away.


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## Cookie (Oct 30, 2014)

I really agree with Amaranthine here. 

I know girls who date larger guys but would definitely not consider themselves FFAs. If you find a girl who is super attracted to all the other aspects of you, then your weight should not matter. Keep options open and look online and IRL.


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## Yakatori (Oct 30, 2014)

Colossal Blanket said:


> "_...some interest then flaking out *just as things were getting interesting.*_"


What's your idea of _interesting_? Do you mean interesting for you? Or them?

They say....

If you make it to the second date, it not your looks per se. Because, the person has at least entered into the possibility of it.

If you make it to the third or fourth date, it's not quite your personality; because that has already come across pretty well by then.

But, if things tend to peter-out somewhere between the third or fourth meeting and six months, then it really has to do with how you treat people. Or at least how you treat them. Most people, if you don't do anything to make them feel special; and I mean particularly special to you; will not just hang-in too much longer than that. So, what do you do to make anyone feel special? What do you need, from someone else, to know they feel that way about you?


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## loopytheone (Oct 31, 2014)

I admit, I started typing out some potential dating sites for BHM that I have visited in the past and then something was kinda niggling at me... so I went back and checked out OPs previous posts on the forum. Most of which refer to wanting to meet women and do so by simply stating that is what they want and seeming to expect FFA to come running just because you have made yourself publicly available. His response to the joking has pretty much proved the inkling I had before, which is that it is nothing to do with his appearance why people don't want to know him, and everything to do with his attitude. 

I think most FFAs on here have had a bit of a crush on somebody on the forums at some point, no matter how briefly. And that isn't because of how they look, it is because of how they talk, the things they like and the way they interact with people. Being an attractive person is far more important than than what you look like. 

Also, I would never message or show any interest in somebody that posted shirtless photos of themselves as their profile pic on dating sites. Pretty sure they can tell you are big even with a shirt on. Shirtless pics just scream 'I'm a physicality obsessed douche' to me, regardless of the size or shape of the person involved. It might just be me, but it certainly doesn't impress me even if you are a good looking BHM, which nobody knows because despite asking for dates you never uploaded a picture of yourself. I don't general go for invisible men, either. Just saying.


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## Colossal Blanket (Oct 31, 2014)

So I come on here and simply ask a question about whether somebody knew of any bhm based dating sites. What did I get in reply? An oh so hilarious comment right off the bat and then a load of people trying to dissect my personality based on a couple of anonymous forum posts. I didn't ask for any of that I just asked for some links.

Some posts were helpful and I thank you but why the need for the dissecting of my personality? Did it ever occur to you that I'm more than just some forum posts? Did it ever occur to you that I can't actually be with the person I love and who loves me because they have a serious illness and that tends to fuck with that person's head which causes them to push me away? Did it ever occur to you I just want a bit of casual dating with an FFA because of some fetishes I have and I don't want exactly want to go dating with a view to finding a partner? I'm not trying to guilt trip I'm just saying don't judge me because I simply asked where else I can go to find ffas as opposed to the cliquey forum this one appears to be.


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## Goreki (Oct 31, 2014)

Why do we keep getting called cliquey because we joke and ask intelligent questions rather than spewing platitudes?

Why do you give a shit about what people online think? We're not really central to your world, are we?

Speaking of post history, if you DO care, look at ours. 
Biglynch is one of the funniest people online, Amaranthine and Yakatori are insightful as hell, Lillie is a helpful sweetheart, and Loopy really, really thinks about what she has to contribute. Hence the post length.

Step back off the wrong foot, lovely. Don't take te questions personally, because they're not meant personally, they are meant to be helpful, and to suss out what you are looking for.


I would like to know about dating sites that work, too. So many are dodgy or unhelpful. So thanks for asking the question. I hope there is a good answer


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## Colossal Blanket (Oct 31, 2014)

Thank you for the nice message, goreki. Yeah OK cliquey is probably the wrong word I just felt a bit ganged up on and judged as if I was stupid and didn't know these things. I do I just don't know about sites! I'm probably being a bit over sensitive.


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## Goreki (Oct 31, 2014)

Colossal Blanket said:


> Thank you for the nice message, goreki. Yeah OK cliquey is probably the wrong word I just felt a bit ganged up on and judged as if I was stupid and didn't know these things. I do I just don't know about sites! I'm probably being a bit over sensitive.


Not at all. We're a bunch of smart arses and intellects, but we mostly mean well.
FF is freaking brutal. Stories or spank bank material only. Those bhm/FFA pay dating sites are a crock. Ok Cupid.. Well I got lucky there once, but it's like a full time job to form a decent connection with anyone.
I am going to check out fetlife now though. I didn't know about it before.


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## Amaranthine (Oct 31, 2014)

Colossal Blanket said:


> Did it ever occur to you I just want a bit of casual dating with an FFA because of some fetishes I have and I don't want exactly want to go dating with a view to finding a partner? I'm not trying to guilt trip I'm just saying don't judge me because I simply asked where else I can go to find ffas as opposed to the cliquey forum this one appears to be.



But here's the thing...FFAs are people too. With personalities and desires and feelings, who are generally in high demand, and don't like feeling like an abstracted end-goal. I'm sure there are plenty of people who want the same exact thing that you do; so, to us, it can seem a tiny bit entitled if you're hitting up every single site possible when you're not having any luck on the ones you've already found. It'd be nice if you could magically and easily find the exact kind of relationship that you're looking for...but that's generally in the realm of 'too good to be true'. And you made it sound a lot less like it was about any specific fetish - at least one that would require an FFA - when you said you might as well just lose weight, even though it doesn't bother you. 

For the record, I don't even know of any actually active BHM/FFA centered dating sites, or I might have mentioned them. But you've seriously found all the best resources I know to be available. I'm really not trying to criticize your goal here. Would casual dating be nice? Sure. But the fact of it is that you're just looking for something that's generally much harder to find than casual dating with...a girl that doesn't specifically like fat men. As an FFA, I've mostly given up on the notion of casual dating. For one, I'd still have to like them a fair bit personality-wise anyway. And two, there's a high risk of having to deal with either horrible incredulity/bad self-esteem, or them wanting a more serious relationship because they've found someone genuinely attracted to them. This tends to be very difficult in any given restricted geographical area.

So really, best of luck. Like Goreki said, we're just trying to help. Not make you sound like a complete idiot. But if you immediately react negatively when you think you've been misunderstood instead of calmly expressing what you actually meant, it's really really unattractive and it's not going to help your goal.


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## ODFFA (Oct 31, 2014)

Colossal Blanket said:


> Thank you for the nice message, goreki. Yeah OK cliquey is probably the wrong word I just felt a bit ganged up on and judged as if I was stupid and didn't know these things. I do I just don't know about sites! I'm probably being a bit over sensitive.



Actually, I get that you felt ganged up on. In fact, I also get how we can come off as cliquey. I think a lot of us are, at times, a little.... weary of the kind of question you asked. Which isn't your fault, just, too many people have in the past taken a "woe is me" approach, and we're perhaps quick to jump on anyone we get the slightest tinge of a similar vibe from. And I absolutely agree with what Goreki said about our humor and tendency toward giving very open, detailed opinions or asking probing questions.

Before I say anything else, the situation you mentioned in your post before last sounds remarkably shitty. I have an idea of how it feels when you're unable to be with the person you want to be with, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with all that.

Despite the fact that I agree 100% with what's been said about the benefit you might gain from being less FFA-focused in your search, I also get the need for feeling sexually desired by someone in a completely unabashed way. Especially if you'd experienced something like that before, it might feel difficult to "go back." But, for one thing, I personally think FFAs can be "made." Some women might develop the preference for fat due to just being a that-person-admirer initially. But even if there's never a clear-cut _FFA_ distinction made, that's not to say there aren't a fair amount of women out there who'll be more than capable of enjoying you in every way.

One more friendly tip, I suppose: This may feel counter-intuitive if you're on the lookout for sexual hookups in particular, but you may find it helps a lot to not "lead with the physical/BHM factor." Even to an FFA also seeking a sexual connection, people are more approachable when they don't, uh, jump in with the full package right away. So yes, I would do away with the shirtless pics until it becomes part of a natural progression in your interaction with someone (and that depends on each individual interaction).

Having spewed all that forth  I do actually have a site you might feel like looking into. I'm not very familiar with it, just vaguely aware of its existence.

http://cuddlyfreeandsingle.co.uk/


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## loopytheone (Oct 31, 2014)

Cuddlyfreeandsingle seems to be okay, but I think you have to pay to reply to messages, if I remember correctly? So not sure how that would work.

Incidentially OP, I wasn't trying to upset you so I apologise if I have. I was just saying that is how you came off. You didn't make it clear that you were looking for something casual, and to me personally, dating means 'trying to find somebody to be in a relationship with' rather than something casual, like a hookup. 

For men of all sizes, finding casual sexual partners is not easy. And regardless of whether or not a woman is an FFA, they are not obliged to find you attractive because you are bigger. Also, for the sake of the person you are with, please make it clear to them that you are looking for something casual and not a relationship. I know that goes without saying but I hate seeing people get hurt over things like this. 

I'd also advise not posting on forums when you are angry/annoyed. Once you post something, it can't be taken back. I used to fall into that trap a lot, but if you ask for help and then get angry and insulting towards the people of the forum for not rushing in with solutions to a difficult question and a situation they know nothing about, then they aren't going to want to help you again in the future.


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## Tad (Oct 31, 2014)

Hmmm, what you didn't get was a bunch of responses of: "Not that I know of." 

Given that nobody has the perfect answer, I guess I wonder if you would have preferred:
- no answer, 
- a bunch of simple "Nope, don't know any," 
- or what you got? 

(Given that "Yes, I do! Go here and do this--it is the mother lode of FFA!" was not going to be an answer*).

It may be that people here are an acquired taste, but to me the responses you got were people trying to engage you in conversation.

* That sort of answer might be given in a troll sort of way to someone who is really obnoxious about how they asked, I admit.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Oct 31, 2014)

Goreki said:


> Why do we keep getting called cliquey because we joke and ask intelligent questions rather than spewing platitudes?
> 
> Why do you give a shit about what people online think? We're not really central to your world, are we?
> 
> ...


Hey man, fuck rifht off! You didn't say anything nice about me!

What a dick.


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## AuntHen (Oct 31, 2014)

Hozay is the happiest pooper you will ever know!


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## RentonBob (Oct 31, 2014)

fat9276 said:


> Hozay is the happiest pooper you will ever know!



And has the pictures to prove it!


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## Goreki (Oct 31, 2014)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> Hey man, fuck rifht off! You didn't say anything nice about me!
> 
> What a dick.


Where are my make-out pics, you horrible man!?!?


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## Lil BigginZ (Nov 1, 2014)

fat9276 said:


> Hozay is the happiest pooper you will ever know!



This is true, I've seen it.


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## bigmac (Nov 1, 2014)

Cookie said:


> I really agree with Amaranthine here.
> 
> I know girls who date larger guys but would definitely not consider themselves FFAs. If you find a girl who is super attracted to all the other aspects of you, then your weight should not matter. Keep options open and look online and IRL.




Yes, there are women who date larger guys. However, they have to be the right kind of big guy (i.e. football lineman type). For guys who are just fat (as opposed to big and strong) pickings are pretty slim.

And even the right kind of big guy looses his game if he gets too fat. Relatively small gains or losses can make a big difference. At 280 pounds I attracted a few females -- at 300 pounds not so much.


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## biglynch (Nov 2, 2014)

bigmac said:


> Yes, there are women who date larger guys. However, they have to be the right kind of big guy (i.e. football lineman type). For guys who are just fat (as opposed to big and strong) pickings are pretty slim.
> 
> And even the right kind of big guy looses his game if he gets too fat. Relatively small gains or losses can make a big difference. At 280 pounds I attracted a few females -- at 300 pounds not so much.



No. And even more no! Again more negative, poor me madness, that was the esperiance of one, getting relayed as a fact.

OP look my original post might not be helpful, but to listen to any of this as fact is worse. Don't go searching for an FFA, just go have some fun and relax into the idea that dates and sex are not some measuring stick of happyness.


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## Cookie (Nov 2, 2014)

bigmac said:


> Yes, there are women who date larger guys. However, they have to be the right kind of big guy (i.e. football lineman type). For guys who are just fat (as opposed to big and strong) pickings are pretty slim.
> 
> And even the right kind of big guy looses his game if he gets too fat. Relatively small gains or losses can make a big difference. At 280 pounds I attracted a few females -- at 300 pounds not so much.



Honestly it really depends on the person. Most people I've come across just tend to appreciate others as a whole though, never seen anyone like 'He's perfect apart from [insert undesirable feature/trait], so therefore I can't date him'. As I said, I know girls who have gone with big guys and are definitely not FFAs, but just love them for them. 

Yes you will find women out there who exclusively date slimmer guys, but you got a lot who don't really mind either, and find the likes of personality and the ability to connect the most important features. Usually having a desired body type is just the cherry on the cake really.

It's a pretty diverse world out there, literally someone for everyone I reckon.


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## Colossal Blanket (Nov 3, 2014)

Sorry for slight delay in reply. Had a pretty heavy Halloween night and have been recovering/lazing around ever since 



Goreki said:


> Not at all. We're a bunch of smart arses and intellects, but we mostly mean well.
> FF is freaking brutal. Stories or spank bank material only. Those bhm/FFA pay dating sites are a crock. Ok Cupid.. Well I got lucky there once, but it's like a full time job to form a decent connection with anyone.
> I am going to check out fetlife now though. I didn't know about it before.



Fetlife is great for BBW women (if you are one I dunno) as there's a group for all kinds of things related to it. It's rubbish if you're a fat man, which i surprising given it's a fetish site.



Amaranthine said:


> But here's the thing...FFAs are people too. With personalities and desires and feelings, who are generally in high demand, and don't like feeling like an abstracted end-goal. I'm sure there are plenty of people who want the same exact thing that you do; so, to us, it can seem a tiny bit entitled if you're hitting up every single site possible when you're not having any luck on the ones you've already found. It'd be nice if you could magically and easily find the exact kind of relationship that you're looking for...but that's generally in the realm of 'too good to be true'. And you made it sound a lot less like it was about any specific fetish - at least one that would require an FFA - when you said you might as well just lose weight, even though it doesn't bother you.



It's not that I'm entitled to anything. What I'm surprised at (perhaps my OP didn't express it) is that given the vast amount of tastes catered for online and given the vast amount of people on the planet with access to the net you would've thought there would be more places to connect FFAs and BHMs. Not only that but sites that don't look they were designed by a blind and drunken moron with a taste for early 90s colour schemes and that you don't have to spend a fortune to access let alone post. I was merely asking if I've missed any.



Amaranthine said:


> For the record, I don't even know of any actually active BHM/FFA centered dating sites, or I might have mentioned them. But you've seriously found all the best resources I know to be available. I'm really not trying to criticize your goal here. Would casual dating be nice? Sure. But the fact of it is that you're just looking for something that's generally much harder to find than casual dating with...a girl that doesn't specifically like fat men. As an FFA, I've mostly given up on the notion of casual dating. For one, I'd still have to like them a fair bit personality-wise anyway. And two, there's a high risk of having to deal with either horrible incredulity/bad self-esteem, or them wanting a more serious relationship because they've found someone genuinely attracted to them. This tends to be very difficult in any given restricted geographical area.
> 
> So really, best of luck. Like Goreki said, we're just trying to help. Not make you sound like a complete idiot. But if you immediately react negatively when you think you've been misunderstood instead of calmly expressing what you actually meant, it's really really unattractive and it's not going to help your goal.



Yeah that's a fair enough point. Guess I was just kinda frustrated.



ODFFA said:


> Actually, I get that you felt ganged up on. In fact, I also get how we can come off as cliquey. I think a lot of us are, at times, a little.... weary of the kind of question you asked. Which isn't your fault, just, too many people have in the past taken a "woe is me" approach, and we're perhaps quick to jump on anyone we get the slightest tinge of a similar vibe from. And I absolutely agree with what Goreki said about our humor and tendency toward giving very open, detailed opinions or asking probing questions.



I really didn't mean to come off as 'woe is me' I hate that shit too but it is frustrating at times.



ODFFA said:


> Before I say anything else, the situation you mentioned in your post before last sounds remarkably shitty. I have an idea of how it feels when you're unable to be with the person you want to be with, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with all that.



Thank you for these kind words. Yes it is a shitty situation but not much I can do. Fortunately her illness is not life threatening but there's no cure for it and not a very good chance she'll make a full recovery. So more shit for her than me really! Pah! Life sucks some times. 



ODFFA said:


> Despite the fact that I agree 100% with what's been said about the benefit you might gain from being less FFA-focused in your search, I also get the need for feeling sexually desired by someone in a completely unabashed way. Especially if you'd experienced something like that before, it might feel difficult to "go back." But, for one thing, I personally think FFAs can be "made." Some women might develop the preference for fat due to just being a that-person-admirer initially. But even if there's never a clear-cut _FFA_ distinction made, that's not to say there aren't a fair amount of women out there who'll be more than capable of enjoying you in every way.



This is the crux of it really. The woman I had before did make me feel so attractive, so sexy and so desirable. She crushed that when she fucked off with a muscly psycho but she left her mark. It broke a belief that I could never be attractive, sexy and desirable as a fat man and I want to feel that again, hence why I'm being specific. I haven't exactly been with loads of women but I haven't done too badly either but the only one who actually said I was sexy and actually wanted my body, was really passionate etc (ok too much info!) was the FFA. The rest was just a sort of liking or a tolerance of my body rather than a desire, if you know what I mean. 



ODFFA said:


> One more friendly tip, I suppose: This may feel counter-intuitive if you're on the lookout for sexual hookups in particular, but you may find it helps a lot to not "lead with the physical/BHM factor." Even to an FFA also seeking a sexual connection, people are more approachable when they don't, uh, jump in with the full package right away. So yes, I would do away with the shirtless pics until it becomes part of a natural progression in your interaction with someone (and that depends on each individual interaction).
> 
> Having spewed all that forth  I do actually have a site you might feel like looking into. I'm not very familiar with it, just vaguely aware of its existence.
> 
> http://cuddlyfreeandsingle.co.uk/



Again I need to point out that the whole shirtless thing was a kind of experiment to see what would happen. I'm fully aware of how douchy it is but I wanted to try it anyway because, well, douchebags seem to get laid and here I am pretty much sexless so was trying a different tact. It attracted a lot of spammers at least! 



loopytheone said:


> Incidentially OP, I wasn't trying to upset you so I apologise if I have. I was just saying that is how you came off. You didn't make it clear that you were looking for something casual, and to me personally, dating means 'trying to find somebody to be in a relationship with' rather than something casual, like a hookup.
> 
> For men of all sizes, finding casual sexual partners is not easy. And regardless of whether or not a woman is an FFA, they are not obliged to find you attractive because you are bigger. Also, for the sake of the person you are with, please make it clear to them that you are looking for something casual and not a relationship. I know that goes without saying but I hate seeing people get hurt over things like this.
> 
> I'd also advise not posting on forums when you are angry/annoyed. Once you post something, it can't be taken back. I used to fall into that trap a lot, but if you ask for help and then get angry and insulting towards the people of the forum for not rushing in with solutions to a difficult question and a situation they know nothing about, then they aren't going to want to help you again in the future.



No you didn't upset me I should just take your advice and not post when in a crappy mood! Again, need to make clear I'm not entitled to anything or expect an FFA to fall at my feet just because I'm fat. I don't know why some people have got this from what I said, all I was asking was for some places to meet FFAs for the reasons I've mentioned in this reply. I haven't met anyone up for a casual thing, probably won't either! But yes I would mention my intentions off the bat if I do as I don't wanna string people along.


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## Colossal Blanket (Nov 4, 2014)

I did actually write a big reply for this but in for some reason got lost in the ether. Not going to write it out again but would just like to say thanks for the replies .


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## Tad (Nov 4, 2014)

Colossal Blanket said:


> I did actually write a big reply for this but in for some reason got lost in the ether. Not going to write it out again but would just like to say thanks for the replies .



Posts from new users get flagged for moderator approval sometimes. Unlucky you, your long post came up just after I'd last checked the site yesterday. It is up now.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Nov 4, 2014)

Cookie said:


> Honestly it really depends on the person. Most people I've come across just tend to appreciate others as a whole though, never seen anyone like 'He's perfect apart from [insert undesirable feature/trait], so therefore I can't date him'. As I said, I know girls who have gone with big guys and are definitely not FFAs, but just love them for them.
> It's a pretty diverse world out there, literally someone for everyone I reckon.



This. In my experience, women in general tend to be less hung up on physical appearance than men. They are more responsive to the way they are treated. This may or may not be the case for any individual, but I have found much truth in the proverb "Men are seduced through their eyes, women through their ears."


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## Cookie (Nov 4, 2014)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> This. In my experience, women in general tend to be less hung up on physical appearance than men. They are more responsive to the way they are treated. This may or may not be the case for any individual, but I have found much truth in the proverb "Men are seduced through their eyes, women through their ears."



Exactly, we're not as shallow as we're all made out to be.  I think everyone wants to be treated right in a relationship too, regardless of gender.


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## Tiffany08 (Nov 4, 2014)

I actually like my men about 600lbs or so & yes i'm a ffa  who likes the huge hanging belly aprons to the knees!


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