# fear of gaining.



## MissToodles (Jun 5, 2006)

I have a hard time controlling my eating. If I eat over a certain amount of calories, I'll gain weight very easily.

Sometimes, I fear what the future holds. I'm reaching a threshold where I find it harder to bend over, to find clothing that fits me okay, a point past where I feel physically comfortable. I don't want to be immobile, to lose circulation in my legs etc. 

Does anyone else have these similar thoughts or feelings. And no, it's not meant to be erotic.


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## TraciJo67 (Jun 5, 2006)

MissToodles said:


> I have a hard time controlling my eating. If I eat over a certain amount of calories, I'll gain weight very easily.
> 
> Sometimes, I fear what the future holds. I'm reaching a threshold where I find it harder to bend over, to find clothing that fits me okay, a point past where I feel physically comfortable. I don't want to be immobile, to lose circulation in my legs etc.
> 
> Does anyone else have these similar thoughts or feelings. And no, it's not meant to be erotic.



Miss Toodles, count me in. I just posted something very similar on another board that I patronize. I had WLS, so I am no longer heavy. But my eating disorder still overtakes me at times (secretive binge eating). I know why this happens; I know when it is likely to happen. My surgically reduced stomach makes it impossible for me to eat as much as I once could, but I can still eat quite a bit. And yes, I live in daily fear that I will regain my weight and once again face all of my old issues -- near immobility, pain in weight-bearing joints, breathlessness, high blood pressure, diabetes, and other health issues that I'd rather not discuss on a public forum. 

I have had therapy, both individually and in a group, to help me deal with what is causing my eating disorder. I have learned strategies for coping, and it really DOES help. Sometimes, though ... I get into this emotional state, and I'm going to choose to address whatever is bothering me by stuffing myself numb. 

I'm not suggesting that you are a binge eater. Most of us overeat at times. One thing you said struck a chord with me, which is that you have a hard time controlling your eating. That has always been my problem & I sometimes exacerbate it with periods of binge eating. The only thing that truly helped me was therapy, and anti-depressant medication.


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## moonvine (Jun 5, 2006)

Ever since I stopped dieting, my weight has been stable, well, within a clothing size as I don't weigh myself either. I don't really fear gaining, because I don't gain. I had to really give myself permission to eat anything at any time, and yes, I ate cake for breakfast a couple of times, but then eating cake for breakfast became not very interesting - because I had my own full permission to do so. This is what has worked for me, not suggesting that it will work for you or for anyone else, but for me, making food not forbidden made it much less interesting. Kind of like how for most people, drinking to excess becomes less interesting after they have legally been able to do so for a while.


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## TraciJo67 (Jun 5, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Ever since I stopped dieting, my weight has been stable, well, within a clothing size as I don't weigh myself either. I don't really fear gaining, because I don't gain. I had to really give myself permission to eat anything at any time, and yes, I ate cake for breakfast a couple of times, but then eating cake for breakfast became not very interesting - because I had my own full permission to do so. This is what has worked for me, not suggesting that it will work for you or for anyone else, but for me, making food not forbidden made it much less interesting. Kind of like how for most people, drinking to excess becomes less interesting after they have legally been able to do so for a while.



That's a really great point, Moonvine & I was thinking about this after I posted my own response. It is something else that helps me -- giving myself permission to eat what I want to eat & also, not beating myself up over it when I do slip and go on a binge. 

There are some foods that I just can't give myself free, unlimited access to, because I will eat them until they are gone. I do not keep them in the house, but when I am in full craving mode, I'll buy just enough to satisfy my craving (like, one doughnut instead of an entire box or a snack size bag of chips).


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## NancyGirl74 (Jun 5, 2006)

MissToodles said:


> I have a hard time controlling my eating. If I eat over a certain amount of calories, I'll gain weight very easily.
> 
> Sometimes, I fear what the future holds. I'm reaching a threshold where I find it harder to bend over, to find clothing that fits me okay, a point past where I feel physically comfortable. I don't want to be immobile, to lose circulation in my legs etc.
> 
> Does anyone else have these similar thoughts or feelings. And no, it's not meant to be erotic.



Yes, yes, yes! I have such a huge fear of gaining especially since I've lost some weight. My fear is that if I gain I will go back to feeling how I felt at my heaviest...which was not good. I don't necessarily mean the physical aspect either. I was in such an emotionally dark place back then that I never want to go back. I feel better now physically and emotionally so I dread and stress over the thought of gaining. I'm trying to learn not to stress over each little thing with my weight but it is a slow process. Basically, I drive myself nuts but I'm trying to improve. I want to be healthy AND enjoy myself...and that means sometimes eating what I like and not worrying about it. It's a catch 22 but something I have to learn to manage. 

Great post, Toodles and good luck!


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## candygodiva (Jun 5, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Ever since I stopped dieting, my weight has been stable, well, within a clothing size as I don't weigh myself either. I don't really fear gaining, because I don't gain. I had to really give myself permission to eat anything at any time, and yes, I ate cake for breakfast a couple of times, but then eating cake for breakfast became not very interesting - because I had my own full permission to do so. This is what has worked for me, not suggesting that it will work for you or for anyone else, but for me, making food not forbidden made it much less interesting. Kind of like how for most people, drinking to excess becomes less interesting after they have legally been able to do so for a while.



This has been working for me to. I'd been maintaining this way for years. I know I've been over-indulging lately though, and have gained some, so yeah, I still have some fear of over-reaching my comfort level, and even immobility. This only moves me though, to move my butt! I've been able to balance out my over-indulgence with a little excersize.*giggles* As much excersize as a 400lb woman can manage. I'm staying flexible at least, and it gives me a little peace of mind that I'm doing everything I can to stay fat and fit.


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## BBW Betty (Jun 5, 2006)

MissToodles said:


> I have a hard time controlling my eating. If I eat over a certain amount of calories, I'll gain weight very easily.
> 
> Sometimes, I fear what the future holds. I'm reaching a threshold where I find it harder to bend over, to find clothing that fits me okay, a point past where I feel physically comfortable. I don't want to be immobile, to lose circulation in my legs etc.
> 
> Does anyone else have these similar thoughts or feelings. And no, it's not meant to be erotic.



I sooooo understand what you mean. Although I did manage to lose about 60 pounds (almost 2 years ago) and keep that much off, I think I am a little over my comfort "threshold." Just maintaining is taking a lot of effort some days. I get around pretty well, and all my health numbers have been pretty good, but I know I couldn't pull myself up onto a tractor or milk cows anymore if my folks needed help or something.

I think you started an excellent thread here, Miss T. :bow:


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 5, 2006)

My body has changed a lot within the past couple of years. My shape is much different than it was and I have been finding it hard to get used to. the changes have also instilled a little fear in me as far as what the future holds. Before I was completely self confident and comfortable with myself but now I'm a little thrown off of my comfort level which has been a very unpleasant place to be. 

I'm coming around to that place now where I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of the vicious cycle of gain and tired of the vicious cycle of worrying about gain and being afraid all the time. 

I'm coming to a better understanding of how my body works. It's a lonely trek where no man has gone before and support is practically non existent. Talking about it even with other fat people in the same predicament can sometimes be disappointing because everybody has something different that works for them. 

For whatever you do there will always be people who think something else is better. You really have to be your own mad scientist and find what's good for you all around that you can feasibly and consistently do. I feel like I'm on the right track but again, there is always going to be people who don't think it's enough or who think I've gone too far.

I'm finding that the most effective way to improve who I am is to accept who I am 'at this moment.' That means looking at pictures of myself and instead of turning away and saying, "Jeezus H Kreist!!" I'm calmly saying, "Okay, this is who I am." Buying clothing that fits and flatters. Loving the person I am right now and doing the best I can for myself 'as is' without this self hate that hopes that one day I'll be smaller or have a body like __(insert_favorite_fat_model_body_here)__. I'm still experimenting with it at this point but so far so good. I've lost a pound or two here and there along the way but at least I'm discovering some peace of mind with myself. This way if I never lose anything more or if I'm only able to maintain what I am it's not the end of the world. 

And if I continue to gain despite my efforts? I won't lie and say it won't bother me because it will. I wish I could give you some snappy sound byte that will make it all make sense and fit into place but I just don't know.


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## lipmixgirl (Jun 5, 2006)

well, anyone who knows me knows how funny i am about food... i do admit to having a serious sweet tooth... cookies anyone?!?!?!? but seriously, diets do not work... only lifestyle changes work... i recommend learning all you can about food and nutrition so you can understand what you are putting (and not putting) into your body... my suggestion is learning about nutrition via the american diabetes association... i am partial to the ADA due to growing up with a diabetic father...

the trick to avoid gaining is avoiding processed foods, fast foods, and other crap... less than 10% of your diet should be crap... also, move that body... move it! move it! move it! 

while you may not lose weight, you should not gain any more...


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## sheilamaxima (Jun 5, 2006)

My overeating started with chocolate chip cookie dough:eat1:


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## ScreamingChicken (Jun 5, 2006)

I've been on anti seizure medication for almost 10 years now and my neurologist was upfront with me about the most common side effect: weight gain. It stimulates the appetite like crazy. I ended up gaining about 75 pounds in a few years time . At Easter of this year I was 325 (I'm 6'2") and decided on a few changes: cut back on the sugars (Diabetes has hit both my parents and there nowhere near as big as I am). start walking again (2.3 miles a day, 5 to 7 days a week), incorporate a few more whole grains and be a little wiser in my choice of fats. No diet, no rigorous set of numbers to live by. If I slip, I slip. Cutting back on the sugars seems to make me less hungry, so that counter effects the meds. I've been enjoying full tilt Tex-Mex, Chinese, Italian, pizza, BBQ. In about a month and a half I have lost about 25 pounds without obssesing.


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## Jes (Jun 5, 2006)

For me, I think about aging. I am relatively in control of myself now, but that will change over time. I don't mean to be too much of a Debbie Downer, but aging is a continual series of diminishments, I think. That's not to say we're not healthy or whatever, but it's something I think about. I don't want to bring any other factors into the aging process. I already have enough. I can already feel a distinct difference (even though I weigh about the same) now that I'm older.


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 5, 2006)

ScreamingChicken said:


> I've been on anti seizure medication for almost 10 years now and my neurologist was upfront with me about the most common side effect: weight gain. It stimulates the appetite like crazy. I ended up gaining about 75 pounds in a few years time . At Easter of this year I was 325 (I'm 6'2") and decided on a few changes: cut back on the sugars (Diabetes has hit both my parents and there nowhere near as big as I am). start walking again (2.3 miles a day, 5 to 7 days a week), incorporate a few more whole grains and be a little wiser in my choice of fats. No diet, no rigorous set of numbers to live by. If I slip, I slip. Cutting back on the sugars seems to make me less hungry, so that counter effects the meds. I've been enjoying full tilt Tex-Mex, Chinese, Italian, pizza, BBQ. In about a month and a half I have lost about 25 pounds without obssesing.



That's what I've been doing too SC, without the exercise though. I live from paycheck to paycheck and spend a huge chunk of my time working at sedentary jobs. When I'm done the last thing I want to do is exercise, I want sleep. I *NEED* sleep more than exercise if I want to stay healthy with back to back jobs. I have this idea to add some mild weight training at home to strengthen muscles so that I can make the most of every movement I do in life. It's not the best system but it's the best under the circumstances.


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## CaliBBW (Jun 6, 2006)

W0W... I was just talking about this tonight. I am totally at that point. I agree with all of the posts. I am at the highest I have ever been and I am starting to feel the effects. I do not want to loose mobility. In fact, I want the opposite. I want to run and jump more. I do agree that what works for one may not work for another. But I sure do like to hear what others are doing. I have been on countless diets and no longer want to diet. But a new lifestyle is more like it. I recently read an article about a guy in Texas. What he did was drink a glass of water before he ate, while he ate and after he ate. He did not change his diet in any other way. But he found he ate a lot less and it worked for him. I tried it at dinner tonight and sure enough I ate about half of what I normally would. But I have to say I was trying to be more conscience of my fullness. I plan to keep trying to see what works for me. Great post miss toodles.


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## wtchmel (Jun 6, 2006)

Yes, a good post. I often feel this way. Especially on the days (like today) where my body is bothering me with discomfort. My knee is hurting ( i think it's the shoes) and my back is once again iffy. The clavical bone is swelled and bothering. I pretty much feel I just need to get my ass to a chiropractor, and most of these issues will go away; I also could use a good mattress. I'm at my biggest right now, and I feel it. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place. I'd like to lose a little, yet I feel the need to be very size acceptance activist girl. I'm in a strange place with this issue, and the rock and hard place also apply to the back and knee issue, the more I move/walk around my back feels better, yet, the more I move/walk around they knee hurts. Damn, I can't win for losin'. 
I need wine


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## TallFatSue (Jun 6, 2006)

I was never really afraid of gaining, because I gained an average of about 10 or 15 pounds a year all my life, and as long as I was happy and healthy it was okay. BUT when I reached the 400lb mark in my late 30s I began to worry that maybe I'd just gain and gain until it took a toll on my health, I'd lose my mobility etc. Then for some reason my weight gain moderated and I've been stable about 450lb since my early 40s (I'll be 49 in a few weeks). I have a few minor mobility issues like occasionally sore legs and feet (my husband can massage away the aches and pains), and sometimes all this fat just plain gets in my way, but for the most part I am perfectly content at this weight. On the other hand, in the back of my mind I still worry a bit about what might happen if I approached or surpassed 500lb. Would my weight finally become a real problem? Well, 450lb seems to be my natural setpoint, and so far so good.


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## MissToodles (Jun 6, 2006)

I brought this topic up because about two years ago, I lost a bunch of weight. Once I went off my regiment, I gained a lot of it back. It sounds crazy but I felt so much more confident at a smaller size. I now feel my confidence wavering. I'm trying to do a more balanced diet instead of atkins. I allow myself fruit and whole grains. I just sometimes wish there was some type of magical way I could keep on track. I can't keep junk food in the house, I'll just eat it all within a day. 

I don't think we should villify people who do have mobility issues but these fears and concerns, our own internalized phobias and woes should be addressed. The "hard stuff" really needs to be heard. It's easy to say "eat healthier & you'll be okay". That doesn't always work for everyone. I am grateful for all the responses received. Thank you!


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Jun 6, 2006)

MissToodles said:


> I have a hard time controlling my eating. If I eat over a certain amount of calories, I'll gain weight very easily.
> 
> Sometimes, I fear what the future holds. I'm reaching a threshold where I find it harder to bend over, to find clothing that fits me okay, a point past where I feel physically comfortable. I don't want to be immobile, to lose circulation in my legs etc.
> 
> Does anyone else have these similar thoughts or feelings. And no, it's not meant to be erotic.




I find that if I make trade-offs with myself about certain foods, then I won't feel deprived, but also making conscious choices about what I want and need from my body. 
I found that there was a point where I was escaping a stressful situation by keeping my feelings down by wolfing on a slice or two of pizza (and I was wondering to myself, why am I doing this? Is it because I am upset at "x" because he's an a-hole or am I really hungry"
No one piece of advice can or will help you, it comes from you and what you want to do with your life and with your body.
You are a beautiful girl and I love spending time with you (and all the NYC DIM gals) and I will support you in all that you wish to accomplish. You can always come and dance with me!!


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 6, 2006)

I'm with MV on this one. I think it takes a LONG time to reach that point though of it being uninteresting to eat cake for breakfast or where food isn't absolutely fascinating. It's been almost a YEAR since I've really had a major binge episode of any sort. I'll still do the occassional normal overeating thing, like eating a pint of ice cream in a sitting or eating almost half a can of Pringles.

I know how maddening it was when I initially found my weight had doubled after inpatient therapy. I mean, here I am, eating heathily, exercising, and I was FAT!?! It's the absolute pits when you can't pinpoint why you've gained so much. I think it's the unknown that really shakes the confidence. I don't know. I'm rambling...


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## moonvine (Jun 6, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> I'm with MV on this one. I think it takes a LONG time to reach that point though of it being uninteresting to eat cake for breakfast or where food isn't absolutely fascinating. It's been almost a YEAR since I've really had a major binge episode of any sort. I'll still do the occassional normal overeating thing, like eating a pint of ice cream in a sitting or eating almost half a can of Pringles.
> 
> I know how maddening it was when I initially found my weight had doubled after inpatient therapy. I mean, here I am, eating heathily, exercising, and I was FAT!?! It's the absolute pits when you can't pinpoint why you've gained so much. I think it's the unknown that really shakes the confidence. I don't know. I'm rambling...



I think the bad thing about dieting is that we all learn to ignore our own bodies. When your body tells you it is hungry, instead of the sensible thing, which would be to feed it, dieters are taught to sublimate and ignore hunger pains, drink water to try to quell them, whatever. I believe this is where strange food cravings and obsessions come from.

I remember one time when I was dieting, I think it was NutriSystem, and I started craving a hot dog SO BADLY. I just HAD TO HAVE ONE. (I hate hot dogs and think they are gross). Stuff like that to me is just so bizarre.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 6, 2006)

The human body I think is pretty efficient in knowing what it needs. But what do we know?


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 6, 2006)

The Obstreperous Ms. J said:


> I find that if I make trade-offs with myself about certain foods, then I won't feel deprived, but also making conscious choices about what I want and need from my body.
> I found that there was a point where I was escaping a stressful situation by keeping my feelings down by wolfing on a slice or two of pizza (and I was wondering to myself, why am I doing this? Is it because I am upset at "x" because he's an a-hole or am I really hungry"
> No one piece of advice can or will help you, it comes from you and what you want to do with your life and with your body.
> You are a beautiful girl and I love spending time with you (and all the NYC DIM gals) and I will support you in all that you wish to accomplish. You can always come and dance with me!!




I second that Jillian, you are quite the looker at ANY size. There needs to be an envy icon here.

My binging truly is to stave off a 'hunger' so to speak. I'm feeling anxious, worried, excitable, nervous and food is my sedative. If I don't eat something I will spaz out and start babbling about nothing before I curl into the fetal position and start to sing, "Sam," by Olivia Newton John. Then come the tremors. Food truly is a drug, it truly is.


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## TraciJo67 (Jun 6, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> If I don't eat something I will spaz out and start babbling about nothing before I curl into the fetal position and start to sing, "Sam," by Olivia Newton John. Then come the tremors. Food truly is a drug, it truly is.



Well, my song of choice is "Rocky Mountain High" by John Denver, but aside from that, we may as well be the same person


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## Donna (Jun 6, 2006)

Maybe the fear of gaining might be contributing to the gain? I've been reading a lot about stress lately and how it effects the body. One of the interesting things I keep coming across is the theory that stress causes weight gain. And not just in the "too busy to eat right/exercise" way either, but on a biological level. Stress hormones stimulate the body into a domino of reactions that result in an excessive release of insulin (making us hyperinsulinemic) which causes our bodies to try and store fat. I was surprised, when I first started researching stress, I expected to find information about high blood pressure and heart disease. 

From the minimal research I have been able to do, there are some natural ways to help your body not to react as strongly to the stress (it's real easy to say don't be stressed, but it's another thing to try and put into practice in this high stress world we live in.)

B Vitamins, because of their effects on a healthy nervous system.

DHEA levels drop under stress, recommended dosage is 25-50 mg/day.

Vitamin C because of it's antioxidant properties.

Kava Extract has an effect on anxiety and depression.

Ginseng has anti-stress properties as well (but be careful if you have hypertension...it effects the heart and blood pressure.)

Arctic Root strengthens the nervous system and helps us fight depression.

Sweet Basil is a traditional herb for treating nervousness.

The no stress thing may be why folks like Moonvine have reported a "leveling off". She quit worrying about her eating and removed that source of stress. Some of us can't do that, I know I can't. I have a natural tendency to eat a diet rich in bad carbs. I have had to teach myself to eat a balanced diet, with an emphasis on lean meats and fresh veggies and fruit instead of processed foods. If I just gave myself permission to eat what I wanted, my food choices would be very poor indeed.

Sorry for veering off topic somewhat. And yeah, I worry too about gaining too much. I've put some of the weight I lost during the first of this year back on due to a decrease in my physical activity (it's nearly impossible to exercise every day when you are recovering from a neck and back injury) and I feel the added pounds. I am hoping now that I am able to get back to more normal activities and get back on my walking/exercise schedule outside of physical therapy, that I will start dropping some more. It's not about being thin, though...it's about taking control of MY body.

Sorry for the rambling....


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## moonvine (Jun 6, 2006)

Donnaalicious said:


> The no stress thing may be why folks like Moonvine have reported a "leveling off". She quit worrying about her eating and removed that source of stress. Some of us can't do that, I know I can't. I have a natural tendency to eat a diet rich in bad carbs. I have had to teach myself to eat a balanced diet, with an emphasis on lean meats and fresh veggies and fruit instead of processed foods. If I just gave myself permission to eat what I wanted, my food choices would be very poor indeed.



Well, one thing it was important for me to do (not saying you or anyone else should do this) is to conciously avoid labelling foods as "good" or "bad". To me, food is just food - it doesn't have moral value. McDonald's=fresh fruit=cookies=fresh veggies=pizza=lean meat=cheesecake etc. Labeling food as "good" or "bad" leads me to characterize myself as "good" when I eat "good" foods and "bad" when I eat "bad" foods. When I allow myself to eat what I my body wants, I figure it'll eat a pretty well-balanced diet. It is pretty smart. Again, not saying that this is true for everyone.


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Jun 6, 2006)

wtchmel said:


> Yes, a good post. I often feel this way. Especially on the days (like today) where my body is bothering me with discomfort. My knee is hurting ( i think it's the shoes) and my back is once again iffy. The clavical bone is swelled and bothering. I pretty much feel I just need to get my ass to a chiropractor, and most of these issues will go away; I also could use a good mattress. I'm at my biggest right now, and I feel it. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place. I'd like to lose a little, yet I feel the need to be very size acceptance activist girl. I'm in a strange place with this issue, and the rock and hard place also apply to the back and knee issue, the more I move/walk around my back feels better, yet, the more I move/walk around they knee hurts. Damn, I can't win for losin'.
> I need wine




Maybe some hydrotherapy? I found that the time spent at the pool out in MA this past Memorial Day was just awesome for my knees (and maybe dancing in four inch heels didn't help) I am sure that a local Y offers some pool classes to help you get your strenght back.


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## NFA (Jun 6, 2006)

MissToodles said:


> I brought this topic up because about two years ago, I lost a bunch of weight. Once I went off my regiment, I gained a lot of it back. It sounds crazy but I felt so much more confident at a smaller size. I now feel my confidence wavering. I'm trying to do a more balanced diet instead of atkins. I allow myself fruit and whole grains. I just sometimes wish there was some type of magical way I could keep on track. I can't keep junk food in the house, I'll just eat it all within a day.
> 
> I don't think we should villify people who do have mobility issues but these fears and concerns, our own internalized phobias and woes should be addressed. The "hard stuff" really needs to be heard. It's easy to say "eat healthier & you'll be okay". That doesn't always work for everyone. I am grateful for all the responses received. Thank you!



Its not just about "eating better". What it sounds like is that there are lot of comingling issues with food and fatness that are the core problem. Any "treatment" of your eating is going to ignore the real problems and won't be effective. I'm not saying there is a magic answer, but its important to reestablish a healthy relationship with food.

I think Moonvine and Sadeian have brought up some very relevant issues. In many ways, recovering from anorexia and recovering from fat related issues are very similiar. Both are disordered eating resulting from a fear of fat and neither is ultimately healthy. Physically, and more importantly, psychologically. I don't think its mentally healthy to have an adversarial relationship with food. What we need is to listen to our bodies and respond accordingly. Without stigmas attached to any foods, positively or negatively. 

Our culture treats "good" foods as a painful chore and "bad" foods as a shameful pleasure. This isn't healthy. We need to get out of the mindset that some foods are good or bad. Food is food. Even fatty foods serve a useful purpose. They satiate the appetite and some even stimulate our minds. Likewise, "good for you" food is no chore. Vegetables really do taste good and fruits taste even better. Moreover, our bodies aren't telling us to eat cake 5 times a day or to never have brocolli. We just need to hear that message. I see a lot of appeal to the approach of responding to our body unjudgementally as a means of relearning our bodies natural cues. Its not just about feeling free and empowered to eat candy. Indeed, I think the true value is learning to feel free and empowered to eat fruits and vegetables. Because of their status as "good for you" foods, many of us don't develope a genuine appreciation for some really wonderful foods, but that is not biological destiny. We can develop a healthy relationship with all foods. But its all about the process and learning to trust our body rather than treat it like an enemy to be tamed or controlled.

But just as we need to approach food with stigmas, so too, we must approach our bodies. A fear of fat is what fuels disordered eating and it needs to be neutralized. Only in an atmosphere of self-love and awareness, can we really develop a stable and sustainable relationship with food and with our bodies. Now, that doesn't mean perfect all the time. Its more like being on a path and being clear about the direction we are headed. Its being aware of our bodies capabilities and its worthiness, whatever shape it will be. An adversarial relationship with one's body isn't healthy, and it won't work. We can't trick our bodies. We won't find magic answers to fool our bodies when they aren't looking. We need to accept and appreciate our bodies to be able to reclaim our health. Stigmatizing them can have no place in that and will only continue to be counterproductive. Body stigmatization has been the only approach offered fat people for decades, and it hasn't worked. It doesn't work because someone really wants it to or really needs it to. It doesn't work. "Health at Any Size" can.


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## TraciJo67 (Jun 6, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Well, one thing it was important for me to do (not saying you or anyone else should do this) is to conciously avoid labelling foods as "good" or "bad". To me, food is just food - it doesn't have moral value. McDonald's=fresh fruit=cookies=fresh veggies=pizza=lean meat=cheesecake etc. Labeling food as "good" or "bad" leads me to characterize myself as "good" when I eat "good" foods and "bad" when I eat "bad" foods. When I allow myself to eat what I my body wants, I figure it'll eat a pretty well-balanced diet. It is pretty smart. Again, not saying that this is true for everyone.



Moonvine, I understand what you are saying. But some foods are good for you, and some are not, and that has nothing to do with moral values. If I gave myself permission to eat anything I wanted to eat, in whatever quantity, that would be a whole lot of rich, creamy & buttery mashed potatoes, piles of soft & fresh-baked bread, and big steaming bowls of cheesy, gooey macaroni. But ... it is counter-productive for me to deny myself a legitimate craving. Ultimately, I just end up feeling deprived & at some point, I'll give in & end up eating far more than I would have if I'd just allowed myself that treat earlier (when it wasn't a monstrous craving). I do eat candy, cake, Mac 'n Cheese, etc -- I just limit the quantities. I do label some foods "bad" and some "good", because that is reality for me. A Big Mac is a rare indulgence - it is a bad food. A homemade, seasoned turkey burger on a whole wheat bun is a good food, and the choice that I usually make. But I had to learn to make these better nutritional choices - it didn't just come naturally to me & I doubt it does to many people. I cannot trust my body to make the best choices for me. My body wants nothing but high fat, yummy delicious carbs. 

I struggle to eat a well-balanced diet because I care about myself; it has nothing to do with diet or weight control. I do not want to gain weight, but that is not because I assign a negative moral value to fat. It is because my fat body was failing me, and I could not do everything that I wanted to do, and that is a reality that many of us face. Too many people equate the desire to lose weight with fat hatred or self-loathing. I'm not saying that you do this, Moonvine - actually, I am generalizing more based on other comments I've seen in this thread. 

I want to take care of myself, and making mostly healthy food choices is a step in that direction. I do fall short of my mark sometimes. Sunday was a day filled with nothing but candy, carbs & excess. But I have learned not to beat myself up when that happens. Tomorrow is another day.


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## FitChick (Jun 6, 2006)

The
only
time
I
had
a
fear
of
gaining
was
after
I
lost
weight,
and
was
worried
if
I
gained
any
back
I'd
have
to
go
out
and
buy
new
clothes!
But
then
I
had
a
fear
of
losing
more
too.

I
just
didnt
want
to
have
to
go
out
and
buy
new
clothes
AGAIN!

(sorry
for
this
weird
typing
pattern
my
computer
is
messing
up!


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## BeaBea (Jun 7, 2006)

This is a great thread. I'm really enjoying everyones contributions - as ever your honesty is blowing me away  

My weight is pretty stable but I still use food from time to time as a way of handling an emotional crisis. (Feels soooo good to be able to admit that in public and to not be ashamed of it!) I am working on this but I slip from time to time. 

The one thing I have learnt is to never, ever beat myself up over what I've eaten. It doesn't matter if I lived on pure lard for a month, the simple fact is I cant change it, diminish it or probably even rationalise it. The only food that matters is what I choose eat next. 

I'm not sure if I've explained myself very well but I've found it really freeing to concentrate wholly on the future. Once I would have 'punished' myself for over-eating by eating yet more to deaden the pain and embarrassment of my consumption. Refusing to live in the past, letting it go and moving on has definitely been a help in being able to minimise the damage from any crisis. 


Tracey


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## Jes (Jun 7, 2006)

Re: your message Trace....
Sometimes, when I'm down on myself, I remember this eastern philosophy teaching thingie.
Bear with me if you've read it from me before.

A student and his Master are lounging by the banks of a river. The student asks: Master, if I fall into the river, will I drown? The Master responds: It is not the falling into the river, it is the _staying_ in the river, that drowns you.

Maybe it's semantics, but that teaching always tends to make me feel better when I feel regret, or I think about the past (even if it's the 20-minutes-ago past).

Moping about the past is just another way not to change behavior, I think. We can cling when we shouldn't. Just don't STAY in the river!


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## The Obstreperous Ms. J (Jun 7, 2006)

Jes said:


> Re: your message Trace....
> Sometimes, when I'm down on myself, I remember this eastern philosophy teaching thingie.
> Bear with me if you've read it from me before.
> 
> ...




Wow, Jes, I am making a note of this and putting it on my computer screen, it is just awesome. :bow:


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## BeaBea (Jun 7, 2006)

I haven't heard that before, Jes. Much more elegantly expressed than I managed!!

Thanks!

Tracey


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## FitChick (Jun 7, 2006)

I think a lot of us resort to childhood "comfort foods" when we reminisce about our childhood, or when we want to be reminded of more carefree times, etc. For most people, comfort foods from that time are fatty, high calorie food. For me, its mostly "diet" food, since my mom was always dieting and made us eat what she did.


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## Miss Vickie (Jun 7, 2006)

TraciJo67 said:


> Moonvine, I understand what you are saying. But some foods are good for you, and some are not, and that has nothing to do with moral values.



True. There's a whole school of study to the very nature of foods called nutrition. It doesn't mean we're bad people if we eat a lot of unhealthy foods. It just means we eat unhealthy foods. I don't think anyone should draw any conclusion about someone based on their diet (and perhaps that's where the moral value judgment comes in). And yet we, as fat folks, have had that done to us. Maybe that's why we're a little twitchy about assigning moral value judgments to food.

I know that for some folks, giving themselves permission to eat what they want and getting off the diet roller coaster can sometimes result in weight stabilization and loss. For me, it didn't. It resulted in weight gain, because if I wanted something, I'd eat it, even if I knew I could have it tomorrow, as I'd had it yesterday. Why is why I had to resort to extreme measures.



> I want to take care of myself, and making mostly healthy food choices is a step in that direction. I do fall short of my mark sometimes. Sunday was a day filled with nothing but candy, carbs & excess. But I have learned not to beat myself up when that happens. Tomorrow is another day.



Exactly. It's the same for me. I'm having a difficult time family-wise right now, and I've decided that I'll eat what I want, when I want. I just make sure I get my vitamins and water in, and I'm exercising because it helps with stress. But the days of beating myself up over food are long gone; OTOH that doesn't mean that I feel -- or should feel -- sanguine about eating a diet rich in unhealthy foods. For health reasons alone, that's not an optimal eating plan. Doesn't mean I don't do it, but I know better.


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## AnnMarie (Jun 7, 2006)

I have to echo Moonvine for myself, but everyone here is correct in that you have to find what works for you. Since I stopped worrying about controlling what I eat, watching every meal and morsel, my weight has leveled off and rarely changes by more than 15-20lbs (up and down). 

I eat what I want, when I want. Some people think that means I come home and eat a box of Twinkies. No, it means I can have Twinkies whenever I want, and more often than not - something like that will go bad and get tossed long before it's ever finished. 

I finished a half gallon of ice cream last night that was in my freezer for almost 2 months.... forgot it was even in there. This has worked similarly for friends of mine as well. But I think if you're someone with obsessive or compulsive eating habits, it may not be a method that would work as well. 

I wish you the best of luck in figuring it out, Jillian... I fully understand what you're saying. I'm ok where I am, but don't wish to gain more. Luckily at my steady weight, my body seems to understand the program...  If things change, then I'll have to swing with the punches. 

I've also added exercise as a way to gain strength and stamina, but not for weight loss goals. (just a side note, but it's making me feel better to be moving a bit more!  )


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 7, 2006)

For a while now I've suspected that I have some kind of food intolerance. Both my parents are lactose intolerant, I don't think that's what I have though. I get hives sometimes, my joints get achy, I become lethargic and feel icky and I get the worst gastrointestinal disturbances. I love food but some of it just doesn't love me. So it's become a matter of choice between eating whatever I want and feeling good. I'm still at the discovery stage of finding out specifically what food is the evil culprit. Clearly it's some form of sugar.

Strange thing is that when I was having all of these symptoms it was hard to get over the speed bump of how fat I am. It's assumed that the symptoms represent all the dire prophecies about my weight coming to fruition. I would be limping around out of breath one day and then skipping along at high speed the next, not knowing why I was having good days and bad days. I thought maybe I had one of the middle aged woman's autoimmune disorders of the week or something. I changed my eating habits and felt immediately better. My energy and stamina returned, the pain was gone, my stomach mellowed before I lost a single pound or added a single jumping jack to my day. 

All this coupled with my rabid lust for the foods that I'm not supposed to eat which includes some foods that are considered to be good for you. I try to choose occasions where I let myself indulge knowing that in a day or two I'm going to feel like hell from it. It really has forced me to become the loathsome creature that I hate and that's someone who nitpicks at the buffet table and scrapes things out of sandwiches. I never wanted to become this but at this point it seems I've no choice.


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## FitChick (Jun 8, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> For a while now I've suspected that I have some kind of food intolerance. Both my parents are lactose intolerant, I don't think that's what I have though. I get hives sometimes, my joints get achy, I become lethargic and feel icky and I get the worst gastrointestinal disturbances. I love food but some of it just doesn't love me. So it's become a matter of choice between eating whatever I want and feeling good. I'm still at the discovery stage of finding out specifically what food is the evil culprit. Clearly it's some form of sugar.
> 
> Strange thing is that when I was having all of these symptoms it was hard to get over the speed bump of how fat I am. It's assumed that the symptoms represent all the dire prophecies about my weight coming to fruition. I would be limping around out of breath one day and then skipping along at high speed the next, not knowing why I was having good days and bad days. I thought maybe I had one of the middle aged woman's autoimmune disorders of the week or something. I changed my eating habits and felt immediately better. My energy and stamina returned, the pain was gone, my stomach mellowed before I lost a single pound or added a single jumping jack to my day.
> 
> All this coupled with my rabid lust for the foods that I'm not supposed to eat which includes some foods that are considered to be good for you. I try to choose occasions where I let myself indulge knowing that in a day or two I'm going to feel like hell from it. It really has forced me to become the loathsome creature that I hate and that's someone who nitpicks at the buffet table and scrapes things out of sandwiches. I never wanted to become this but at this point it seems I've no choice.



Lilly,

I remember reading that many African-Americans are lactose intolerant. I know a LOT of my friends are, so maybe there is truth to it.

You might want to try Lactaid milk...its milk with the lactose removed!


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 8, 2006)

FitChick said:


> Lilly,
> 
> I remember reading that many African-Americans are lactose intolerant. I know a LOT of my friends are, so maybe there is truth to it.
> 
> You might want to try Lactaid milk...its milk with the lactose removed!



About 25% of the American population suffer from lactose intolerance, 50 million people.


15% of white Americans 
70% of African Americans 
75% of Jewish Americans 
53% of Mexican Americans 
74% of Native Americans 
90-100% of Asian Americans

I've been reading up on all this stuff. It may be lactose but there are so many things that bother me that seemingly shouldn't.


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## Miss Vickie (Jun 8, 2006)

Lilly honey, it might be lactose intolerance. It might be systemic candidiasis (yeast). It might even be GERD or food allergies or all of the above. 

Have you spoken to a doctor about this? In the meantime, you might Google candidiasis and look for anything by William Crook, MD. He was the pioneer of systemic yeast and all the problems it can cause; he wrote several books including "The Yeast Connection" and you'd be surprised by the various symptoms it causes. Many of us suffer from it, partly because of the foods we eat, partly because of the large amounts of antibiotics we consume.

Anyhow, it's something to think about, anyway. Given the many symptoms you have, my guess is that it's not just one thing. But not knowing your medical history, I can't really do more than just make an un-educated guess as to what it could be.

Let me know if I can help, 'k?


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## Fuzzy (Jun 9, 2006)

( I think this had been the most eye opening thread ever. I just had no idea.)


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 9, 2006)

The visual of having to eat my food through a strainer is not very attractive. :doh: You're right though, I think it's time I stop muddling along. 

Thanks so much Miss Vickie, I may just take you up on that. :kiss2: 




Miss Vickie said:


> Lilly honey, it might be lactose intolerance. It might be systemic candidiasis (yeast). It might even be GERD or food allergies or all of the above.
> 
> Have you spoken to a doctor about this? In the meantime, you might Google candidiasis and look for anything by William Crook, MD. He was the pioneer of systemic yeast and all the problems it can cause; he wrote several books including "The Yeast Connection" and you'd be surprised by the various symptoms it causes. Many of us suffer from it, partly because of the foods we eat, partly because of the large amounts of antibiotics we consume.
> 
> ...


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## TallFatSue (Jun 10, 2006)

I'm pretty sure I have some food allergies too, because I can count on a case of hiccups about an hour after every meal. The culprits are probably certain kinds of spices, and I definitely know that onions give me the hiccups. Through trial and error I've found that if I eat only bland foods I can avoid the hiccups, but doggone it all that's just soooo boring because I love flavors. So I've reached a compromise, which is to avoid really spicy foods like five-alarm chili, Cajun, etc., but indulge myself in just about everything else. That means I put up with 5 or 10 minutes of rollicking hiccups 2 or 3 times a day, but they're >HICCUP!< worth it to keep my taste buds happy.

Besides, when my dear hubby sees me sitting on the sofa after dinner, bouncing and jiggling with the hiccups, he suddenly decides it might be a good idea to massage my legs and feet, so he can >HIC!< watch my boobs and belly shake and jerk every 5 seconds.  I also get the hiccups verrrry easily if I'm nervous or excited, or if I laugh too hard, so I'm pretty much used to them anyway.

One of my friends said she sneezes 10 or 12 times after meals, which is probably some kind of food allergy too.


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## fatlane (Jun 10, 2006)

Most fictional characters are hesitant about gaining more weight until they get to 650, then they figure what the hell and go for 3000.

But yeah, Donna and NFA made some key points about not worrying and having a sensible attitude towards food. Eat good things, enjoy them in moderation, exercise as much as you can, laugh, sing, and stay the hell away from crappy food built to make an addict out of you. Quality food really does the trick, especially if you take the time to savor it.


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## Barnes (Jun 10, 2006)

I have a very real fear of gaining. I am a very emotional eater. If I'm in a fight with someone I could eat myself out of house and home. But I really havent gained because I have IBS, and can't overindulge myself without being sick to my stomach. I can eat tons, as long as its not greasy or spicy. Of course even with it, I overeat a lot. I gained ten pounds my freshman year of high school (I'm a senior now) and I'm only 5 foot so being 190 on a 5 foot frame is hard and anything you gain is noticable. I'm basically happy with where I am now. If I were to gain in the future, I wouldnt kill myself to diet. I love food. But gaining a considerable amount does scare me. Especially because my family already considers me the fat sister. It's not acceptable to be fat in my house.


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## Miss Vickie (Jun 13, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> The visual of having to eat my food through a strainer is not very attractive. :doh: You're right though, I think it's time I stop muddling along.
> 
> Thanks so much Miss Vickie, I may just take you up on that. :kiss2:



You know how to find me.  My PM box is always open, though sometimes I forget to check it. :doh:


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## altered states (Jun 13, 2006)

TallFatSue said:


> One of my friends said she sneezes 10 or 12 times after meals, which is probably some kind of food allergy too.



My dad gets the same thing all the time, and he's tried experimenting with different combinations to see if it's specific to a type of food, with no luck. Thing is, he eats faster than any human being I've ever seen (he's thin, btw), and I wonder if he's not triggering some kind of reflex in his sinuses by shoveling it in so fast.


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## Brenda (Jun 16, 2006)

I heard that if I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted to my weight would level off. That worked somewhat until I got to be around 30 years old and than my weight just took off. My body was not carrying the weight well at all and I had to change my way of eating or give up my health. Now I am back to the weight I was in most of my 20's and feel so much better for it. For me it is worth it to restrict my eating in order to feel good. Sure I would love to eat whatever, whenever but it simply did not work for me and I was not willing to have my mobillity and life limited by my weight.

While I still believe in size acceptance in theory I do not believe in accepting my weight at the cost of my health. Too many people I know have died premature deaths, developed diabetes or become severely mobility limited as a result of high body weights so I am scared for myself. I hope the measures I am taking to keep my body at a weight it can handle will continue to work long term.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jun 17, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Ever since I stopped dieting, my weight has been stable, well, within a clothing size as I don't weigh myself either. I don't really fear gaining, because I don't gain. I had to really give myself permission to eat anything at any time, and yes, I ate cake for breakfast a couple of times, but then eating cake for breakfast became not very interesting - because I had my own full permission to do so. This is what has worked for me, not suggesting that it will work for you or for anyone else, but for me, making food not forbidden made it much less interesting. Kind of like how for most people, drinking to excess becomes less interesting after they have legally been able to do so for a while.




For some people it isn't so easy though. If I stopped caring....Id start gaining...quickly. I have PCOS (homone issues) and insulin resistance. You put those two things together and you have a recipe to gain weight living on brussel sprouts. It's tough. I wish I could be one of those people who didn't give a crap....but I have to. I'm happy being large....just wish I wasn't this large. I envy people like you

I have found that with my issues doing a low carb/low sugar/low fat (what else is there right? lol!!) but eating til I am full keeps me even....read that again...keeps me even! I have a VERY hard time losing weight. Which would explain why I am so heavy.  

I would be perfectly happy with myself 350-400....dunno if I will ever get there...but my knees and heart would love me...that's for sure.

And Im chatty tonight...and I hope I'm not banned from the boards for talking about WL...cuz that would be lame. Im 530lbs...and not by my choice or desire...I think I should be able to verbalise I want to be 400 pounds!

haha ok Ill stop babling. 

Cheers!


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 17, 2006)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> <snipped>.....I have found that with my issues doing a low carb/low sugar/low fat (what else is there right? lol!!) but eating til I am full keeps me even....read that again...keeps me even! I have a VERY hard time losing weight. Which would explain why I am so heavy.
> 
> I would be perfectly happy with myself 350-400....dunno if I will ever get there...but my knees and heart would love me...that's for sure.
> 
> ...



For the record BBSSBBW, I think you are MAD HOT at your size. I say to myself, "Self, I wouldn't mind being her size if I were assured that I would look like HER - but I know I wouldn't. "  

But that's what I'm doing too, cutting carbs and sugar. I'm not a fiend about it though. I let myself indulge from sundown on Saturday to sunup on Monday and when I take vacations but otherwise I've sworn off of the stuff. Has it helped? Eh, I maintain but I am not losing anything. I suppose if I spent my days working on a chain gang I might be able to whittle down to a size 16 but why the hell would anybody want to do that? 

My cholesterol, blood pressure and all that stuff is good and a lot of other little bumps, aches and issues stay safely at bay. Plus I take vitamins and supplements that work well for me. If I stopped doing this I would put on 25 pounds in no time at all, and it would never come off. At last weigh in I was 387 pounds and from what I understand the scale I used is a bit unreliable and tends to read too low. I will be weighed for sure on Monday at my doctor's office.


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## Tracyarts (Jun 17, 2006)

Brenda said:


> While I still believe in size acceptance in theory I do not believe in accepting my weight at the cost of my health. Too many people I know have died premature deaths, developed diabetes or become severely mobility limited as a result of high body weights so I am scared for myself. I hope the measures I am taking to keep my body at a weight it can handle will continue to work long term.




My thoughts exactly. I am of absolutely NO good to the furthering of size acceptance or to myself if I am so compromised as to be ill and housebound or prematurely dead. 

When I reach my goal weight, I will still be "fat". If that is not good enough for "fat" acceptors, then they can just pucker up... because there'll still be plenty of it left to kiss.  

Tracy


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jun 18, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> For the record BBSSBBW, I think you are MAD HOT at your size. I say to myself, "Self, I wouldn't mind being her size if I were assured that I would look like HER - but I know I wouldn't. "




AWWWWWWWWW!!! That was hella cool! I've never been called MAD HOT before, lol. Thank you.  Truth is....I think I am mad hot too, lol, I just don't feel it. I would at 400 tho


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jun 18, 2006)

Tracyarts said:


> My thoughts exactly. I am of absolutely NO good to the furthering of size acceptance or to myself if I am so compromised as to be ill and housebound or prematurely dead.
> 
> When I reach my goal weight, I will still be "fat". If that is not good enough for "fat" acceptors, then they can just pucker up... because there'll still be plenty of it left to kiss.
> 
> Tracy




Amen sister....preach on! Although...preaching to me is like preaching to the chior, lol. What's your goal btw? And what are your plans to get there...if I might ask...and if you don't want to answer...thats cool....I just wanted to know if you had any secrets to share


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## NFA (Jun 18, 2006)

Really wanting to lose weight has NEVER been shown to be effective at losing weight. The only thing trying to lose weight has been shown to be effective at over the long term is gaining weight. Whether you accept your body or not, the chances of being able to alter it towards a lower weight remain virtually non-existant.

You want to keep wishing yourself thin, no one can stop you. But its not Size Acceptance. Never has been and never will be. Weight loss is a failure. It has failed the health of countless fat people. It is a false hope. We need people willing to say that. That's what Size Acceptance is. Just because you don't agree doesn't mean you get to say that Size Acceptance is something it isn't.


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## TraciJo67 (Jun 18, 2006)

NFA said:


> Really wanting to lose weight has NEVER been shown to be effective at losing weight. The only thing trying to lose weight has been shown to be effective at over the long term is gaining weight. Whether you accept your body or not, the chances of being able to alter it towards a lower weight remain virtually non-existant.
> 
> You want to keep wishing yourself thin, no one can stop you. But its not Size Acceptance. Never has been and never will be. Weight loss is a failure. It has failed the health of countless fat people. It is a false hope. We need people willing to say that. That's what Size Acceptance is. Just because you don't agree doesn't mean you get to say that Size Acceptance is something it isn't.



NFA, given your opinion on this matter, I'd like to ask if you are "super sized" or if you ever have been (by medical definition, more than 100 lbs above the 'ideal' BMI range for your height). 

Weight loss is sometimes an absolute medical necessity, and without it, a person's quality of life -- as well as duration -- will be in jeopardy. Countless people here, and on other sites, have shared their experiences in this matter. There are many people who are fat, healthy, and happy. Why should they worry about losing weight? But there are also people who are suffering from diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, and other conditions that are, according to an overwhelming majority of medical professionals, caused or exacerbated by weight. Then there are the conditions that affect quality of life - mobility issues, osteoarthritis, depression (brought about not only by living in a fat phobic society, but because for some people, weight severely limits their ability to live the life that they want to live). 

I know that I could regain weight. In the past two years, I have regained a few pounds. But I've been quick to take them off. I exercise daily, and I watch what I eat. I have to. The knowledge that I could go back to a life of pain, limited mobility, and potentially life-threatening medical conditions is always in the back of my mind. And knowing that I *could* regain part, or even all, of the weight that I lost had no bearing on the decision that I made to lose it. I don't know that I'll regain. I knew that I would die young if I didn't lose weight. So the mantra that "weight loss dieting doesn't work" means nothing to me. I do not presume that what works for me will work for anyone else. Some people do things that I could never successfully do. But for those of us who have lost weight, and for those who HAVE succeeded in keeping it off (and yes, there are many), a common element is proper nutrition and exercise. You call that a diet. For me, it is living.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jun 18, 2006)

NFA said:


> Really wanting to lose weight has NEVER been shown to be effective at losing weight. The only thing trying to lose weight has been shown to be effective at over the long term is gaining weight. Whether you accept your body or not, the chances of being able to alter it towards a lower weight remain virtually non-existant.
> 
> You want to keep wishing yourself thin, no one can stop you. But its not Size Acceptance. Never has been and never will be. Weight loss is a failure. It has failed the health of countless fat people. It is a false hope. We need people willing to say that. That's what Size Acceptance is. Just because you don't agree doesn't mean you get to say that Size Acceptance is something it isn't.




Um...wishing myself to 400 pounds is not even close to wishing myself thin. Glad to know you read the posts.


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## Brenda (Jun 18, 2006)

""You want to keep wishing yourself thin, no one can stop you. But its not Size Acceptance. Never has been and never will be. Weight loss is a failure. It has failed the health of countless fat people. It is a false hope. We need people willing to say that. That's what Size Acceptance is. Just because you don't agree doesn't mean you get to say that Size Acceptance is something it isn't.""

I don't wish myself thin. I wish myself healthy and took steps to make that happen.

I believe in having the best life I can have. Being 400lbs really wasn't working for ME, so I changed that.


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## love dubh (Jun 18, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> That's what I've been doing too SC, without the exercise though. I live from paycheck to paycheck and spend a huge chunk of my time working at sedentary jobs. When I'm done the last thing I want to do is exercise, I want sleep. I *NEED* sleep more than exercise if I want to stay healthy with back to back jobs. I have this idea to add some mild weight training at home to strengthen muscles so that I can make the most of every movement I do in life. It's not the best system but it's the best under the circumstances.



Since you work at sedentary jobs, would walking to those jobs be an option? Or if you drive, parking a bit away so that you'd have to walk some? It'd add a little bit of exercise to your day, and perhaps perk you up a bit, if the weather is cool.


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## SleepyNow (Jun 18, 2006)

Hmm...I'm confused by your wording. What does "weight loss is a failure" mean exactly? That losing weight is impossible? Or that once the weight is lost that benefits are not gained?


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 18, 2006)

maire dubh said:


> Since you work at sedentary jobs, would walking to those jobs be an option? Or if you drive, parking a bit away so that you'd have to walk some? It'd add a little bit of exercise to your day, and perhaps perk you up a bit, if the weather is cool.



I try to do that from time to time. I commute on the subway so occasionally I will get off a stop or two behind and walk the rest of the way or I will walk ahead a few stops to go home. Between that, the avoidance of sugar and the exercise band leg stretches at night before bed it's enough to keep my leg veins from turning into black licorice but my total exercise regimen won't win any awards, let's put it that way.


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 18, 2006)

SleepyNow said:


> Hmm...I'm confused by your wording. What does "weight loss is a failure" mean exactly? That losing weight is impossible? Or that once the weight is lost that benefits are not gained?



I don't know if you were talking to me??? or if this was just a question in general.

For most people here weight loss is achievable, certainly. The issue arrives where unless someone is suffering from a full on eating disorder that is the root cause of their weight in the first place, any attempt at weight loss that requires behavior that goes to extremes yields only a temporary result. Eventually the extreme behavior ceases to have any effect and the weight slowly returns after a lengthy plateau. Either that or you lose the ability to maintain the behavior altogether and once you stop the weight returns as well as all the problems associated with it - plus a few extra pounds as a bonus. In the end you are fatter than you ever dreamed possible and losing it is harder too. 

Many people are able to see their health improve with only minor changes that preclude any weight loss at all. The idea that someone's next door neighbor's uncle's ex wife was able to keep 237 pounds off is of no importance. I know a guy who can stick his tongue in his own ear and a woman who can piss in a boot 4 feet in front of her. That doesn't mean everybody can do it. There are people who've had weight loss surgery years ago who lost enough weight to still be considered morbidly obese only to start gaining it back. Not everyone is the same.


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## SleepyNow (Jun 18, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> I don't know if you were talking to me??? or if this was just a question in general.



Oops! I should have quoted that bit probably, that's NFA's comment I was asking about.

I agree with your points about disordered eating and understanding the diverse reasons for weight gain.


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## Tracyarts (Jun 18, 2006)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Amen sister....preach on! Although...preaching to me is like preaching to the chior, lol. What's your goal btw? And what are your plans to get there...if I might ask...and if you don't want to answer...thats cool....I just wanted to know if you had any secrets to share



I started seeing a dramatic increase in pain of my weight bearing joints, as well as loss of stamina, decreased energy, getting out of breath easily, loss of flexibility and athletic ability, increased trouble controlling my insulin resistance with diet/exercise/and prescription medications, increased incidences of skin problems, and just an overall feeling of not being comfortable in my own skin at around 300 pounds. I'm right at 400 now. I had reached a peak weight of somewhere around 510 pounds some years back. I felt best between 225 and 275 pounds, so anywhere in that range is a healthy goal for me. 

But truth be told, every little bit I lose helps me feel less physical pain in my joints and gives me more energy and stamina, and lets me be more mobile and active. So, as long as I am either losing or holding steady, I am a happy camper. 

How? Eating less, eating healthier, moving more (as much more as the chronic pain, stamina issues and overall mobility loss will allow me to at least).

I used to believe that the healthiest approach was to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, and all that accomplished was enabling myself to eat my way into a wheelchair by age thirty. I knew if I wanted to see age forty, I had to make changes in how I approach food and eating. It's not a big deal. I no longer use food as a recreational substance or social activity or eat just because the food is there or eat all that is set in front of me. I eat only when I am generally physiologically hungry, and I eat a variety of healthful foods while allowing for treats and junk here and there. I try and follow as much of a whole foods diet as possible and limit artificial and heavily processed stuff. Basic food group type stuff. And cook from scratch when I can, using whole or as close to whole ingredients as possible. 

The way most people would agree is a healthy approach to food and eating. I don't follow a diet or count any food values or anything like that. Don't own a scale, weigh twice a year at the doctor's office. So, anything but obsessive about it.

For me, I just had to identify what the problem was, and for me it was just eating too much, too often, and too much of the wrong things while living a totally sedentary lifestyle. 

Tracy


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## Stormy (Jun 19, 2006)

Tracyarts said:


> I used to believe that the healthiest approach was to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, and all that accomplished was enabling myself to eat my way into a wheelchair.


That is what would happen to me too.


TraciJo67 said:


> If I gave myself permission to eat anything I wanted to eat, in whatever quantity, that would be a whole lot of rich, creamy & buttery mashed potatoes, piles of soft & fresh-baked bread, and big steaming bowls of cheesy, gooey macaroni. ... I cannot trust my body to make the best choices for me. My body wants nothing but high fat, yummy delicious carbs.


Me too, although I also love lots of fatty meat and cheese with the carbs, and chocolate afterwards, and I also envy people like Moonvine who say when they stopped dieting they stopped gaining weight. It's not the case for me; I've tried it. I've also tried eating only healthy foods -- lots of fruits, vegetables, lean protein and whole grains with very little fat or processed foods, but still eating as much as I wanted, and I still continue to gain. I also walk/run five miles almost every day. I have a huge appetite and am not satisfied until I am very full. I'd usually rather not eat at all than eat what most people would consider a normal portion, and the only reason I am not obese is because it doesn't bother me to go long periods without food.


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## CaliBBW (Jun 19, 2006)

Stormy said:


> only reason I am not obese is because it doesn't bother me to go long periods without food.





Like how long? Days, weeks, months?


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## Stormy (Jun 19, 2006)

I used to routinely go a few days to a week, stopping then because I was concerned about health risks, but have been researching it and think it's safe to go much longer. 21 days is now my record, trying for 42. This long of a fast is just an experiment though, not something I plan to do often if ever again. I was just discussing it in this thread.


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## mybluice (Jun 22, 2006)

I was at my heaviest at the beginning of this year and it scared me. I didn't feel good mentally and physically. I don't necessarily binge eat, but I haven't always been the best about eating what is right for me and I have been on just about all the diets there are out there and failed miserably at each one.

I made the decision in January (not a New Year's Resolution) to eat healthier and to exercise more. I go to counseling once a month (not because of this, but because of other family issues) and my counselor asked me if I would set goals for myself, so we did. I told her I wasn't dieting, but that I wanted to eat healthier and exercise more. She asked me if I had a goal in mind and I told her it didn't matter to me if I lost any weight, but that I was making a change for the better. She has really kept me on track as far as not being concerned with what the number on the scale says (I made the mistake of telling her I had been bad and gained) she informed me that I wasn't BAD, but had made a BAD choice and shouldn't be so hard on myself (yes, I was ready to give up and go back to my old ways). I do still go off and eat what some would deem not healthy, but I know for me if I allow myself that one piece of sweets or fast food when I WANT IT instead of denying myself then I am able to make a healthier choice at my next meal.
My counselor also had me start taking the time to smile at myself in the mirror as I would when looking at someone, so that I could see what everyone else sees (that I am a beautiful person no matter what I weigh). I also do not put myself down like I use to. I also make an appointment on my calender for exercising and that seems to help to, instead of saying I go when I can. Making these little changes has greatly improved how I feel about myself and I think the people around me have noticed a change (not just in the fact that I am now wearing a smaller size clothing) but that I feel good about who I am for a change.


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## GordoNegro (Jun 24, 2006)

Just wishing you all success in what makes you happy.
I know its hard as it is a LIFESTYLE change as well.
Sometimes spending less time with those people whose lives are centered around food and eating.
Like the friend who always finds the way to BBQ's/Godiva Chocolatier inspite of the focus of walking around Central Park etc.
Hard to eliminate all outside influences, but hoping you're all able to as Life is too unpredictable and short to be unhappy or feel deep down knowing you could be doing better for yourself etc.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jun 24, 2006)

GordoNegro said:


> Just wishing you all success in what makes you happy.
> I know its hard as it is a LIFESTYLE change as well.
> Sometimes spending less time with those people whose lives are centered around food and eating.
> Like the friend who always finds the way to BBQ's/Godiva Chocolatier inspite of the focus of walking around Central Park etc.
> Hard to eliminate all outside influences, but hoping you're all able to as Life is too unpredictable and short to be unhappy or feel deep down knowing you could be doing better for yourself etc.




you know what mr???? Thank you! It's hard to find cheerleaders sometimes.


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## Aliena (Jun 25, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> My body has changed a lot within the past couple of years. My shape is much different than it was and I have been finding it hard to get used to. the changes have also instilled a little fear in me as far as what the future holds. Before I was completely self confident and comfortable with myself but now I'm a little thrown off of my comfort level which has been a very unpleasant place to be.
> 
> I'm coming around to that place now where I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of the vicious cycle of gain and tired of the vicious cycle of worrying about gain and being afraid all the time.
> 
> ...




These are excellent points Lilly. I find that acceptance of who you are does help. When we are not trying to compete with other images of what we or society percieve as normal, then I feel half the battle is won.

Miss Toodles, 
I have the same fears too. (I am surprised that a lot of us here do--I don't know why, I just am)
When I was younger, I was always more worried about how I looked rather than how I felt. How my body was handling my weight didn't seem to be an issue for me, because I wasn't in a lot of pain; of course that has all changed now as I am older. 
When I first attempted my big-time weight loss, (succeeded in a huge way) and started putting the weight back on, I was fighting it with tears, curses, and prayers. I have journal entries where my words were simply prayers in large print, "Please God don't let me put the weight back on!"

I would fear it to the point it consumed every aspect of my life. Everything I did was about eating, whether I was eating or not. My mind was always calculating how much I ate, at what time I ate, and when I could eat again. This isn't even touching on the numbers of caloric and fat intake. It, I, was a mess. And you know what? I put the weight back on, slowly and surely. 

I think what has changed for me, although I still have big time fears of gaining, (especially since I too have decided a drastic form to control my food intake) is that I have accepted who I am, what I am, and how I percieve myself. 
It's also like Moonvine wrote too; you have to give yourself permission to eat. This is something I do daily, because I would have guilt feelings on eating a small dinner salad. And you know what? I've lost weight and while it's not enough to bring back painfree health at this time, it has kept me from gaining.

In short, what I feel has worked for me is self-acceptance, a better realization of my health and how to maintain a good one, as well as understanding that I have to eat and it's ok to eat. While I wouldn't eat cake for breakfast (because of my diabetes) I could easily have something and as gratifying as cake, with less harm to my health--self acceptance--intune with your body and its needs--permission. 

These have been great answers from everyone to your questions, great topic! :bow:


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## Aliena (Jun 25, 2006)

TraciJo67 said:


> Well, my song of choice is "Rocky Mountain High" by John Denver, but aside from that, we may as well be the same person



Mine is my made up words of WubbyTubby to the choral part in the Queen song, "Bohemian Rhapsody"!! 

Wubbytubby, Wubbytubby, Wubbytubby
FittyFat
The big belly that shakes just like jelly
jellly
jeeeeeelllleeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!! (high C here!)
View attachment catandball.gif


It drives her most crazy--really.View attachment orangekitty.gif


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## runawayf1ve (Jul 4, 2006)

MissToodles said:


> I have a hard time controlling my eating. If I eat over a certain amount of calories, I'll gain weight very easily.
> 
> Sometimes, I fear what the future holds. I'm reaching a threshold where I find it harder to bend over, to find clothing that fits me okay, a point past where I feel physically comfortable. I don't want to be immobile, to lose circulation in my legs etc.
> 
> Does anyone else have these similar thoughts or feelings. And no, it's not meant to be erotic.




I have had similar fears and anxieties, but not for me per se, but for my (now ex) girlfriend. she has something similar and talking to her about it realy helps. sometimes you need a way to vent your issues, or to rationalize them and talk yourself down from such thoughts and urges. I know it can be rough, especially when you have someone who cares for you who wants to help, and he may misplace words and make things worse. (btw I did that a few times) We still talk, mainly because I still care for her, but also i made a promise not to leave her alone to fight this problem. Well, in the end though it is up to you, and i think you look beautiful. hope that rambling helped.


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## SexxyBBW69 (Jul 4, 2006)

I read this & I knew I had to write..... my whole life i have had ups & downs of losing & gaining well it doesnt help when u were under the age of 5 & a chubby kid what can I say my mom fed me all the sweets her spoiled daughter wanted once I hit kindergarden I lost all the weight & was called olive oil until I hit the age of 18 & thats when the gene pool kicked in yes I come from a family of large women.... at 18 my weight had to be around 200 or so I then lost it & gained.. but around the age of 21 upr till 30 I kept my weight down at once point I was 125 lbs size 6 can u imagine but then guess what the gene pool rose again so since then I tried to lose weight to get back to were I was but u know what I have the best relationship with food I Love it it loves me & yeah everytime I try a diet thing It last maybe 1 day Im a sugar slut I love it & I just gave up because no matter what Im fat & my body was made for it once all the women & men in your family are fat there is no way to change it.... 
So the question am I afraid of gaining?? I know I will its in my genes why fight it plus Im still cute & I am learning that I am sexy regardless... but I will admit I dont want to be where I need someones help to get around...... oh & as long as there are FA's out there for me then hey Im enjoying it


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## truth38 (Jul 4, 2006)

I totally understand this feeling.
I always measure and weigh myself, especially before a tournament. I try not to be too serious, just watch what I eat, go veggie 4 days a week, regular exercise, etc.
I do fear gaining since I am older now. Since the body changes when you get older I find that even eating the norm may cause weight gain since my metabolism is slowing down.
What i can tell you is to eat all thru out the day (5 small meals) to control the body chemistry and drink lots of water.


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## BBW MeganLynn44DD (Jul 9, 2006)

I was very thin when I was younger.Up until about 8 years ago.Most of the women in my family are thin,but some are very heavy.There is like no middle ground.I was a size 4 and then I began to gain.These days I'm a comfortable 22-24 sometimes larger.I really have to watch myself because I don't want to get any bigger now that I've learned to love myselfl large.


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## lizzy (Jul 16, 2006)

Recently, every time I try to diet I actually put on weight. I started a diet in May, couldn't stick to it, began to binge, and actually put on 7 pounds. When I've gained weight before, I was very solid. But, now that I'm older, I've noticed a lot of cellulite and spider veins, so I'm not so unconcerned. So...
June 2003 - 165 pounds
May 2006 - 203 pounds
July 2006 - 210 pounds


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## Rainahblue (Jul 16, 2006)

MissToodles said:


> I have a hard time controlling my eating. If I eat over a certain amount of calories, I'll gain weight very easily.
> 
> Sometimes, I fear what the future holds. I'm reaching a threshold where I find it harder to bend over, to find clothing that fits me okay, a point past where I feel physically comfortable. I don't want to be immobile, to lose circulation in my legs etc.
> 
> Does anyone else have these similar thoughts or feelings. And no, it's not meant to be erotic.



I see that the most recent posts in this thread have been about food, but going back to the original comment - sure I have similar thoughts at times. I wouldn't say that I am fearful or even very concerned about gaining weight - not now - but I certainly think about it often.

Approximately 2 years ago was the first time I ever noticed that my weight might be hurting me. I just felt uncomfortable, so I made the decision to start living healthier and lose weight. I didn't have a set amount of weight that I wanted to lose, instead I just wanted to get back to a place where I felt safe and comfortable in my body. With lots of exercise and a healthier diet, I ended up losing 60 pounds. I didn't do anything drastic; I think the hardest thing for me was maintaining my exercise routine. 

Now that I'm comfortable with my body, I still go to the gym 3 times a week, drink a little under a gallon of water each day, and keep my sodium intake low. I'm one of those people who hates worrying about what they eat, so I don't!  Those three things that I mentioned are enough to keep my weight at a place that works for me, and most importantly, I feel good. 

I always end up defending myself to people because they can't seem to accept the idea of someone being _fat_ and healthy. My family especially, keeps waiting for me to lose more weight, because they don't get that I don't want to! My cholesterol, blood pressure, and heart are all healthy, so who gives a damn what my BMI is? I can also dance, play with Misty (my dog), and walk 3 flights of stairs each day, which is enough for me and those are things I couldn't do a couple of years ago.

 I hope I didn't ramble too much, *MissToodles*, but my point was that even though I don't worry about immobility, I definitely understand your fears. ​


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jul 17, 2006)

lizzy said:


> Recently, every time I try to diet I actually put on weight. I started a diet in May, couldn't stick to it, began to binge, and actually put on 7 pounds. When I've gained weight before, I was very solid. But, now that I'm older, I've noticed a lot of cellulite and spider veins, so I'm not so unconcerned. So...
> June 2003 - 165 pounds
> May 2006 - 203 pounds
> July 2006 - 210 pounds



Lordy, you call seven pounds a gain? If you weigh me during my period after I drink a lot of water, I'll have gained seven pounds. BTW, "cellulite" is not a medical term. Medical authorities agree that cellulite is simply ordinary fatty tissue*. Strands of fibrous tissue connect the skin to deeper tissue layers and also separate compartments that contain fat cells. When fat cells increase in size, these compartments bulge and produce a waffled appearance of the skin. Many years ago, Neil Solomon, M.D., conducted a double-blind study of 100 people to see whether cellulite differed from ordinary fat. Specimens of regular fat and lumpy fat were obtained by a needle biopsy procedure and given to pathologists for analysis and comparison. No difference between the two was found. Spider veins aren't a biggie unless they're causing you pain.

Hope that puts some of your fears to rest. 
*Fenner L. Cellulite: Hard to budge pudge. FDA Consumer 14(4):5-9, 1980.


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## FitChick (Jul 18, 2006)

Age causes more bodily aches and pains and medical problems than weight does. I'd much rather be 400 lbs and 20 years old than 70 years old and thin.


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## TallFatSue (Jul 22, 2006)

For most of my life I gained an average of 10 or 15 pounds a year, until I leveled off around 450lb in my early 40s. I've been content to let my body regulate itself, and find its own weight setpoint, but I also worried that I might start to have mobility problems if I reached the 500lb mark. But for the past 6 or 7 years I've been pretty stable about 450lb, so no problem.

Generally I weigh myself once a month on a freight scale at work (love to watch those numbers spin around) but for some reason I haven't done it for about 6 months. Anyway this week I visited my doctor for my regular checkup, and again had a clean bill of health except for blood pressure just a bit on the high side (work has been hectic as usual).

Well, my weight is now 458lb, and my work scale agrees with my doctor's scale. Hmm, after years of stability I'm not sure how I feel about an 8lb gain in 6 months. Probably nothing to fret over, because I've fluctuated as high as 465lb and later came back down to 450lb, but still the dreaded 500lb number is in the back of my mind.


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## William (Jul 22, 2006)

Hi Sue

I usually go by the way my clothes fit. If my favorite shirts do not feel right then I may change my eating habits or more likely make sure I am taking my daily walks. 


William 





TallFatSue said:


> For most of my life I gained an average of 10 or 15 pounds a year, until I leveled off around 450lb in my early 40s. I've been content to let my body regulate itself, and find its own weight setpoint, but I also worried that I might start to have mobility problems if I reached the 500lb mark. But for the past 6 or 7 years I've been pretty stable about 450lb, so no problem.
> 
> Generally I weigh myself once a month on a freight scale at work (love to watch those numbers spin around) but for some reason I haven't done it for about 6 months. Anyway this week I visited my doctor for my regular checkup, and again had a clean bill of health except for blood pressure just a bit on the high side (work has been hectic as usual).
> 
> Well, my weight is now 458lb, and my work scale agrees with my doctor's scale. Hmm, after years of stability I'm not sure how I feel about an 8lb gain in 6 months. Probably nothing to fret over, because I've fluctuated as high as 465lb and later came back down to 450lb, but still the dreaded 500lb number is in the back of my mind.


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## Friday (Jul 22, 2006)

I finally lost some weight (35 lbs) after the doc told me I was borderline diabetic. I had wanted to lose some for quite a while as I was tired of huffing, puffing and sweating of normal tasks. Having the diabetes diagnoses gave my a) good food ideas from the nutritionist, and b) forced me to quit saying 'I'll start tomorrow'. I really have noticed a difference in my mobility and my flexibility. I'd like to continue for that and because another 35 lbs would probably rid me of the need for medication. I most definitely do not want to regain what I've lost.


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## BBHCgirl (Jul 31, 2006)

MissToodles said:


> I have a hard time controlling my eating. If I eat over a certain amount of calories, I'll gain weight very easily.
> 
> Sometimes, I fear what the future holds. I'm reaching a threshold where I find it harder to bend over, to find clothing that fits me okay, a point past where I feel physically comfortable. I don't want to be immobile, to lose circulation in my legs etc.



Well up untill about last week i was loving my gaining weight. But when i woke up with the tops of my feet swollen with what looked like pitted edema, i got worried. Turned out to be nothing. But i am going to look at more of a healthier way of gaining. If that makes sence. It seems no matter how much i eat even if it a little bit of healthy food i seem to put on weight. So i think now im just going to go for walks here and there, keep the circulation going in my feet and legs, and eat healthy food along with others i love as well ie. Taco Bell. But water and all that... i think i will feel a lot better about my weight gain. I love doing it and want to stay mobile and enjoy everything i already do. But just being smarter about it


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## RayanamiNGE (Aug 3, 2006)

I find it very attractive when a women puts on weight. But i can understand why you don't want to. Health is probably the biggest reason. But hey, if it's other people accepting you, you should not worrie, there are tons of men out there who love it ^.^... It does... how ever make me kinda sad when a girl looses weight... my Heavest girlfriend was about 580 when we were dateing, but she lost almost all of it when we broke up... I was very heart broken that the girl that i found extreamly attractive lost the weight, it was like she was changeing her self to make her self less attractive to me... I know it's bad for me to think like this, but it's how i feel... I sure wish that i just loved big women for being the way they, are, but i love the fanttasy of my significant other gaining weight. I never want my significant other to ever hjave a major health risk, and i'll help her to loose the weight so that she is healthy agian, but if they were loosing the weight to look better, i think that is wrong...
I don't really know if it is thee fact of the girl gaining weight, or just telling me that she can feel herself getting fatter, or telling me that she wants to get fatter, even if she never gains weight... it's kinda odd i guess, but hey, thats just me...
I live in Las Vegas, adn i'm still very young, 20, but i still love what i love... Las Vegas is a hard place to be to experiance what i love, everone want to look like a stripper. And everytime a convention comes into town it's way to expensive to go to, there was just one that was 180$ to just attend... i am bairly makeing ends meet, much less 180$ to go to some event...


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## TallFatSue (Aug 8, 2006)

William said:


> I usually go by the way my clothes fit. If my favorite shirts do not feel right then I may change my eating habits or more likely make sure I am taking my daily walks.


This morning I weighed myself on a freight scale at work, and it exploded. Wires, springs and sparks flew everywhere.  

Only joking! But I'll bet a few FAs got a cheap thrill out of that. 

Anyway I'm down to 452lb, so I seem to be returning to my natural setpoint of about 450lb. Looking back on it, due to all the goodies during the holidays, family reunions and my birthday in the past few months, I probably ate everything in my path, so it's no wonder I gained almost 10 lb. Now I'm back to my more-or-less normal overeating habits, and after the summer heat moderated I'm taking my daily walks again too. I really do feel best at 450lb, in terms of how much I like to eat vs. how much body fat I can carry around comfortably. So I don't need to worry about approaching 500lb -- yet.


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## Les Toil (Aug 9, 2006)

BBHCgirl said:


> Well up untill about last week i was loving my gaining weight. But when i woke up with the tops of my feet swollen with what looked like pitted edema, i got worried. Turned out to be nothing. But i am going to look at more of a healthier way of gaining.



Hi BBHCgirl. Are you consciously trying to gain weight or are you saying you're naturally gaining weight and loving it? Your last sentence gives me the impression you're trying to gain weight as a sport or something. Just curious.


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## BBHCgirl (Aug 10, 2006)

I guess both. It started out as I was naturally gaining weight anyways, so I thought I would try and make an effort to a certain weight and see how I like it.


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## RayanamiNGE (Aug 14, 2006)

I want to find someone who is not afraid of gaining, and accepts their weight gain, as long as it is HEALTHY ^.^ is there someone out there that can either help me, or be that for me?


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## activistfatgirl (Aug 15, 2006)

RayanamiNGE said:


> I want to find someone who is not afraid of gaining, and accepts their weight gain, as long as it is HEALTHY ^.^ is there someone out there that can either help me, or be that for me?



Hi there, this is not an appropriate place AT ALL for such a solicitation. 

Go to the weight board, that's the place for gaining talk. 

If you'll notice this thread is about fear of gaining, a very personal and upsetting topic for some - and you seem naive to what it's like to be super sized and how it can be a struggle. Your comments seem insensitive. Good luck in your search!


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## RayanamiNGE (Aug 15, 2006)

activistfatgirl said:


> Hi there, this is not an appropriate place AT ALL for such a solicitation.
> 
> Go to the weight board, that's the place for gaining talk.
> 
> If you'll notice this thread is about fear of gaining, a very personal and upsetting topic for some - and you seem naive to what it's like to be super sized and how it can be a struggle. Your comments seem insensitive. Good luck in your search!



I'm so sorry, i never ment to offend anyone... I'm sorry. I'm very new to this board, so thanks for that redirect. but i am not naive. I understand that it is a struggle, and i want to just reasure, that if it is an issue of health, then more power to you, but if it is for looks, then maybe you've got the wrong idea... look, i don't want to make anyone angry, i want women that have problems in this area to know that there are guys like me, that DO NOT want to make you unhealthy, but do like to see women gain. Please never assume that i am naive, and that i am insensitive befor you really get to know me, ^.^


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## sirumberto (Aug 15, 2006)

RayanamiNGE said:


> I'm so sorry, i never ment to offend anyone... I'm sorry. I'm very new to this board, so thanks for that redirect. but i am not naive. I understand that it is a struggle, and i want to just reasure, that if it is an issue of health, then more power to you, but if it is for looks, then maybe you've got the wrong idea... look, i don't want to make anyone angry, i want women that have problems in this area to know that there are guys like me, that DO NOT want to make you unhealthy, but do like to see women gain. Please never assume that i am naive, and that i am insensitive befor you really get to know me, ^.^



Ahh, don't worry, you'll fit in just fine here. The looking for gaining women stuff would probably be best kept in the Weight Board, but other than that, welcome to the Dim boards.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Aug 19, 2006)

I just had an epiphany a little while ago. Some of my interpersonal relationships are greatly controlled by my weight/how fit I am. I'm going to work consciously on not losing anymore weight and maintaining my current. If any relationship, even a non-romantic one, is based primarily on my appearance, it's not worth having and it's not worth trying to rebuild the relationship. And for once, that doesn't upset me.


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## Jay West Coast (Aug 22, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> I just had an epiphany a little while ago. Some of my interpersonal relationships are greatly controlled by my weight/how fit I am. I'm going to work consciously on not losing anymore weight and maintaining my current. If any relationship, even a non-romantic one, is based primarily on my appearance, it's not worth having and it's not worth trying to rebuild the relationship. And for once, that doesn't upset me.




Hurrah! Yay for you!


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## fatlane (Aug 23, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> I just had an epiphany a little while ago. Some of my interpersonal relationships are greatly controlled by my weight/how fit I am. I'm going to work consciously on not losing anymore weight and maintaining my current. If any relationship, even a non-romantic one, is based primarily on my appearance, it's not worth having and it's not worth trying to rebuild the relationship. And for once, that doesn't upset me.



Yeah! Hurray! And post pix of you not losing weight plz tanx.


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## runawayf1ve (Aug 23, 2006)

fatlane said:


> Yeah! Hurray! And post pix of you not losing weight plz tanx.



lol! Keep it in your pants guys! That goes for me too btw! 




TheSadeianLinguist said:


> I just had an epiphany a little while ago. Some of my interpersonal relationships are greatly controlled by my weight/how fit I am. I'm going to work consciously on not losing anymore weight and maintaining my current. If any relationship, even a non-romantic one, is based primarily on my appearance, it's not worth having and it's not worth trying to rebuild the relationship. And for once, that doesn't upset me.



Well I'm glad you accepted who you are the way you are. I hope my next girlfriend will be as confident (proud perhaps) of her figure.


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## PursyMarr1992 (Aug 26, 2006)

Its not nesscessarily how I feel about my health, I will keep on truckin'. But my mom is about the same size I am, and I look alot like her. She is 46 and she has arthritis in her hip so bad that she needs a hip replacement. The crappy part is that she can't get it done until she loses weight. Now, she can barely walk, and when she does, it's with a really noticeable limp. 

I'm 19, and I don't want this happening to me. I don't want to put my kids (even though I don't want any) or anyone else I'm with down the road in the same situation that I'm in now. I'm more concerned with screwing up the lives of everyone else around me because I find weight gain erotic. 

And the difference between this and every other fetish or even addiction (even though to me, it isn't one) is regardless, you have to eat. I mean, sure, you don't have to eat a whole cake, but ultimately, you have to eat. So it's not that easy.


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## Red (Aug 26, 2006)

lipmixgirl said:


> well, anyone who knows me knows how funny i am about food... i do admit to having a serious sweet tooth... cookies anyone?!?!?!? but seriously, diets do not work... only lifestyle changes work... i recommend learning all you can about food and nutrition so you can understand what you are putting (and not putting) into your body... my suggestion is learning about nutrition via the american diabetes association... i am partial to the ADA due to growing up with a diabetic father...
> 
> the trick to avoid gaining is avoiding processed foods, fast foods, and other crap... less than 10% of your diet should be crap... also, move that body... move it! move it! move it!
> 
> while you may not lose weight, you should not gain any more...





I have really started to understand how rough processed food can make me feel. I try to remind myself of this if I am ever tempted to grab dodgy convenience food whilst in a hurried situation. The headaches, tiredness and general feeling of crappyness is depressing and really not worth it just for the sake of saving a bit of time. I feel better about myself if I eat want I want, three meals a day, as long as I know it is as fresh and as natural as possible. It is a day to day thing and can easily be swayed by my surroundings, but if I break it down into just a day, somehow it seems easier to tackle.


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## activistfatgirl (Aug 30, 2006)

I fear gaining quite a bit right now. After quitting smoking _not even five weeks _ago, I feel like I've ballooned. I've gained weight and never noticed, and to gain weight so perceptibly makes me feel insane-the oh-my-god-i'm-trapped-in-this-body feeling that is far from desirable. I do not recognize this new weight, my larger belly that is much heavier at top and spreads out farther. It looks distended. Someone who's seen my in my glory for years now actually used that word: "distended".

I do not want it to be there, and even my sometimes gaining fantasies do not stop the panic that lies with me in the between times.

I've never gained so quickly, nor felt so out of sorts.

Like others, for me its about taking _control_ of my life and not worrying about dieting or losing but not letting that mean I stop caring about my health. For related and unrelated reasons, I realize I need to drastically cut sugar and simple carbs, and its hard. I realize how much I depend on that quick energy. I need to rethink, I need to absorb, I need a beautiful, wonderful new and fat lifestyle! 
*munches on greens and beans*


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 31, 2006)

activistfatgirl said:


> I fear gaining quite a bit right now. After quitting smoking _not even five weeks _ago, I feel like I've ballooned. I've gained weight and never noticed, and to gain weight so perceptibly makes me feel insane-the oh-my-god-i'm-trapped-in-this-body feeling that is far from desirable. I do not recognize this new weight, my larger belly that is much heavier at top and spreads out farther. It looks distended. Someone who's seen my in my glory for years now actually used that word: "distended".
> 
> I do not want it to be there, and even my sometimes gaining fantasies do not stop the panic that lies with me in the between times.
> 
> ...



Congrats on quitting, that is AWESOME.  I quit recently too and when I did my body transformed. I kept remindinfg myself that it was all a part of the gig and those closest to me were very encouraging as well which helped a lot. I tried not to stress about it but it is hard, especially when you want to put on something that you love and it no longer fits well.  

It does come off though. Most of it is water which is what gives you that distended look. I've cut out some of the carbs and sugar and have been able to return to a more managable size. The tradeoff of getting out of corporate junkie slavery is worth it. Hold on!


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## activistfatgirl (Aug 31, 2006)

LillyBBBW, You made me feel so much better. It is so nice to hear from someone that's been there. Genuine thanks.


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## TallFatSue (Sep 1, 2006)

Once in a great while I hear comments from other women about how I'm "allowed" to be fat, and it came up again today. Someone brought three different kinds of coffee cakes to the office this morning. Most of the other women carved off tiny slivers but I took normal-sized pieces of each, and joked that "I gotta maintain my figure, ya know."  One of the other women in my office said, "You're so lucky your husband lets you be fat. If I gained 10 pounds, my husband would never let me hear the end of it." I tried to make her feel better by saying, "Yeah, husbands are like that. Ever since I hit 450 Art has been all over me, but in a *good* way." In retrospect that was probably a pretty stupid response on my part.  

I wouldn't exactly say my husband "lets me" be fat, he just loves me as I am. Anyway her comment is more telling for how thin or averaged-size women are scared of gaining.


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## altered states (Sep 1, 2006)

TallFatSue said:


> Once in a great while I hear comments from other women about how I'm "allowed" to be fat, and it came up again today....
> 
> I wouldn't exactly say my husband "lets me" be fat, he just loves me as I am. Anyway her comment is more telling for how thin or averaged-size women are scared of gaining.



Once my GF realized I really was an FA and not just trying to make her feel better about her extra 20 pounds or so, I think she liked that freedom of not having to worry about "keeping" me with every ounce she gained. She also gets off on the kind of women I'm attracted to, sometimes picking them out before I even see them. Overall, I think she sees it as a nice, quirky feature (among many), something that makes me a bit different and a little more attractive than other men.

That said, over the past year she put on a lot of weight, for her, and once she got to a certain point she started to get uncomfortable with it. Of course I'd been ecstatic when she was gaining, being as subtly encouraging as I could without drawing too much attention to it. But I couldn't hide my excitement - I loved the way she looked and felt. Unfortunately, she'd finally had enough a few months ago, changed her eating a bit, hired a trainer, and has trimmed back down fairly quickly. 

Once she'd let me know she was really unhappy with herself (not just the usual "I'm fat!" freakouts), I switched gears and tried to be as supportive as possible. She's old and wise enough to know when it's her own personal comfort zone and not societal pressure telling her it's time to lose weight. Odd thing is, as she felt better about herself, she really did look better to me. It wasn't too much of a stretch to compliment her and encourage her in her weight loss, though I don't think she believed me.

Recently she told me that she was worried that in losing weight I'd lose interest in her. That hurt me, probably because there was some truth to it. No different I suppose than if a non-FA was in a relationship where the partner gained weight. 

Trust me - I'm a hard-wired FA. Yes, I would be thrilled if she gained 200 pounds. But to her that's just as much a trap as the man who demands his wife stay a size 6 forever. 

All that to say: I know where Art is coming from.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Sep 4, 2006)

I think you were a lot nicer than I would have been. I can't imagine that woman puts up with her husband that won't "allow" her to be fat. Bleh. I hope her husband's a nicer guy than he seems to be.

I'll be the first to admit, being a size 0 has its appeals to me. However, I wouldn't tolerate crap from a spouse for a minute.



TallFatSue said:


> Once in a great while I hear comments from other women about how I'm "allowed" to be fat, and it came up again today. Someone brought three different kinds of coffee cakes to the office this morning. Most of the other women carved off tiny slivers but I took normal-sized pieces of each, and joked that "I gotta maintain my figure, ya know."  One of the other women in my office said, "You're so lucky your husband lets you be fat. If I gained 10 pounds, my husband would never let me hear the end of it." I tried to make her feel better by saying, "Yeah, husbands are like that. Ever since I hit 450 Art has been all over me, but in a *good* way." In retrospect that was probably a pretty stupid response on my part.
> 
> I wouldn't exactly say my husband "lets me" be fat, he just loves me as I am. Anyway her comment is more telling for how thin or averaged-size women are scared of gaining.


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## merseylass (Sep 7, 2006)

I was very happy to discover this website last week as I am very depressed and undergoing therapy atm. Some of the issues I have are weight-related and it was so good to find people who are not into "diets"....I am so fed up of dieting off and on (losing and gaining weight) from the age of 7 or so (I'm 57 yrs. old now...YIKES!!). I comfort eat which is a big problem for me...I make food choices which are full of fat/calories!! 

I've been to my GP yesterday for a regular weight/BP/prescription review and was horrified to find I had gained since my last visit (6 weeks ago). Not only have I gained the 12 lbs. I lost the previous review but had gained another 4 lbs. on top! When the dr. looked back on my records she found I'd yo-yo'd between 118 kg and 112 kg. for a whole year! It wasn't good news to my ears.

I feel better when I eat low-fat foods and I refuse to diet....to me Diet just spells "Die, with a T" (in the words of Richard Simmons, the slimming guru!!). I am not happy when I am restricting my foods but neither am I happy when I am stuffing the food....I think others on here will have this experience. I feel the need to be relaxed about food. I feel the need to lose some weight. I want to feel good about my size, whatever my weight is (in other words....my worth doesn't depend on a scale...well, that's what I tell myself, but that's how I and others judge me.

If this sounds like I'm mixed up....well I am. My dh never comments on my weight (he rather fancies the boobs...and well, they come with the rest of me!! lol) so no problems from him re my weight. 

Just now I feel I tolerate life as a fat woman and want to be not so heavy (will never be slim without a miracle)...my GP has offered me a referral for WLS but I have resisted that 100%...and, well, it is just good to be able to read all your replies about your fears of gaining. When I told a friend I had found this website and was leaning towards FA she was upset for me. Good friends realize I am not a happy fat person but I am a fat person who wants to feel good about myself and one who can move around without the hindrance of so much excess weight BUT who doesn't want to diet! If you got this far in my post....you deserve a medal. I have rather rambled a bit....

Jacquie x


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## EtobicokeFA (Sep 7, 2006)

merseylass said:


> I was very happy to discover this website last week as I am very depressed and undergoing therapy atm. Some of the issues I have are weight-related and it was so good to find people who are not into "diets"....I am so fed up of dieting off and on (losing and gaining weight) from the age of 7 or so (I'm 57 yrs. old now...YIKES!!). I comfort eat which is a big problem for me...I make food choices which are full of fat/calories!!
> 
> I've been to my GP yesterday for a regular weight/BP/prescription review and was horrified to find I had gained since my last visit (6 weeks ago). Not only have I gained the 12 lbs. I lost the previous review but had gained another 4 lbs. on top! When the dr. looked back on my records she found I'd yo-yo'd between 118 kg and 112 kg. for a whole year! It wasn't good news to my ears.
> 
> ...



Well we are glad we are here for you!


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## Friday (Sep 7, 2006)

I know what you mean merseylass. I have health issues that would be much improved if I lost weight (and I have, some), but although my head feels better when I know I've pretty much stayed healthy on the day's eating my mouth is on a whole 'nother wave length, one that involves chocolate, fat and salt.  

I never worried much about my weight as a 'looks' thing, but as an 'I don't feel good and I'm tired of it thing' some of it's got to go.


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## Sojourner (Sep 9, 2006)

Aloha from a new poster. I'll try to be as constructive and courteous (!) as I can...

For those who aren't happy with their size, which do you attribute to be the major cause; dietary habits, your own biochemistry, a combination of both, or something else?

My own story (sidetracking somewhat) is that when I was young, I was a little disappointed with my physique. I wasn't at all 'fat', merely unfit. I probably had a higher-end-of-normal BMI for most of my life, in fact. The disappointment stemmed from the fact that my school year in particular was very, very into their sport, and I was less trained than pretty much everyone else. Couple that to the fact I was an early developer (tallest in the class when I was 11 and probably second strongest) and I felt about as far as it was possible to be from the other Adonises.

(Yeah, I'm male by the way.)

In truth I've never had a weight problem and for that I'm thankful. Nowadays I'm an eager gym-goer and a passionate advocate of 'slow food' and healthy eating.

A few suggestions for those struggling:

- When food shoping, take a long leisurely tour round the fruit and veg aisles. There's a reason they place them at the front of the store - the aromas and visual appeal have a subliminal effect on human psychology. Let that work for you.
- Further to the shopping idea - act as though you're on a chef on a tight budget. You have to prepare _meals_ - but you only have a small amount of money to do so. This strips out all the treats and processed...well, I personally think of it as 'crap' but that's a little presumptuous...
- Never ever be afraid of gymnasiums or equivalent home equipment. Muscle burns through calories like nothing else, both building and maintaining it. Resistance exercises aren't strenous on the cardiovascular system but do require a bit of grit to put in the effort required. It's my understanding that some people are petrified of gyms because they imagine all deliberate workouts to be painful, panting affairs with your heart pounding in your ears. I know I did. Not true at all.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Sep 10, 2006)

Thank you for all the unsolicited and unwanted advice. Fat people, especially women, never get enough of it! I mean, who would have thought of trying to eat healthier? Brilliant stuff. 

Certainly, no one here goes to gyms or works out. Thanks for the great advice. 

Warning to the next person to be stupid enough to say, "You know what, if you just eat healthier and exercise, you'll lose weight and your life will be totally ab fab!!!": I'm personally going to track you down and punch you in your smarmy face. Did it take years of practicing being a dumbass, or is this inborn?



Sojourner said:


> Aloha from a new poster. I'll try to be as constructive and courteous (!) as I can...
> 
> For those who aren't happy with their size, which do you attribute to be the major cause; dietary habits, your own biochemistry, a combination of both, or something else?
> 
> ...


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## liz (di-va) (Sep 10, 2006)

TallFatSue - I want to clobber your co-workers! Gawd, that's obnoxious. And your response was great! Hinting at things beyond their ken is always a good way to respond if you ask me 

Tres H - you sound like the guy fat girls are looking for! That was a really interesting and honest response and I appreciated reading it!

SadeianL - Hah! I'm with you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

I just spent a long time perusing this thread and found it fascinating and awfully relevant in my life. It's very good to discuss this stuff in a place free from classic diet-thinking (and also Gaining talk--not helpful).

I found fat acceptance--began to--in my early 20s. It took many years of work and active non-dieting (yes, I mean, living with boxes and boxes of candy in my house so I'd know it was nothing special), but my size finally leveled off. Bigger than I'd ever been, but very stable. I was physically active and in good health. I was really proud of being big and healthy, having a sane relationship with food.

After 5 or so years of that, suddenly--WHAM. My body started changing, even as I ate and exercised exactly the same, something few people still understand. I was gaining weight, and eating less than ever. It really felt like it came on all at once, after a bad breakup and a terrible bout with bronchitis: I developed every classic fat person health-related problem: arthritic knees, a hernia, prediabetes, big menstrual issues, sleep apnea, edema, weight gain in my stomach, terrible back problems that continue to limit my mobility. More I'm not listing. It felt like my body had betrayed me, and it challenged my beliefs (honestly) in being fat and healthy. I never said it out loud, or veered back into dietland (for me that is the Occam's Razor to weight gain and unhappiness), but I wondered--what am I going to have to do? I can't walk! 

The thing I've finally realized is that this was coming for longer than the breakup--the real turning point in my health had started earlier, with my JOB. I forget who posted about this before, but stress is the worst!! I handle it badly. It's often the X-factor in people who might be somewhat genetically predisposed to diabetes, etc. The stress of my job set the way for all this stuff to kick in. I got promoted into a thankless, very high-stress, very sedentary, hugely-busy (14-hr days) job, from a somewhat stressy but balanced and more physically active job. That's when everything started to change. It was that extra hormonal oomph that sent my risk factors into overdrive. Plus all the emotional stuff!

So the point is, fat or thin, younger and old (and hello--aging is a big factor in all this stuff--I read somewhere that your body ages more in your mid/late 30s than in puberty) my health is now demanding my attention in a big way. I am being forced to pick my way through oceans of medical talk and advice, with all of its often fat-phobic motivation, to think about what I need, get the help I need. Make changes I need to.

I feel like it's the challenge of my life! I *know* I can be fat and healthy, but I'm not right now. And I'm finding that fear is the worst motivator in the world for me--It's bullsh*t. All of the nail-biting fear-of-diabetes talk gets me absolutely nowhere as a motivating factor. The new health challenges I have to meet now have to be met the way all the other ones were before: with acceptance, with love, with appreciation. Otherwise I might be back in WeightWatchers.

I'm a very rebellious person. First I rebelled by eating, then I rebelled by eating what I wanted to/when I did...and NOT eating when I didn't. I was really proud of being a fat girl in touch with her hunger. Now--I have to do something slightly different...and I'm rebelling against it. Frankly. I don't mean that I think I will be healthy by never eating another carb--that's not it--it's just that I have to pay a different kind of attention to self-care. I know that I can wear out this rebellion with acceptance and love :-D but I'm not kidding when I say this is the challenge of my life! It's been really hard! And depressing! At one point in all this I thought: Is ther ANY lesson in my life I get to learn without having it all taken away from me? Such extremes.

So...it's a process. I'm making small steps. And, ironically, I find the more I talk about it, the worse it is! Because it starts to feel like that self-motivating diet chat (you know what I mean? That vague oh-I-should-be-doing-this talk often women sit around and indulge in) and I start to rebel. But it does help to talk about how it *feels*. Places like here. Where I think people understand all the various issues. 

Here's to showing people wrong, however you do it--
(Thanks for listening!)


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## merseylass (Sep 10, 2006)

YEAH SadeianLinguist....you said so nearly what I was thinking. I found the post by Sojourner offensive and NOT subtle in the least. I am pleased you were braver than I and said so. 

Fat for me is a very complicated issue and feeling good about myself is the aim of my life atm. There are loads of people out in the world who will tut tut at us and offer all kinds of unsolicited advice. Grrr!!!

Have a great day SadeianLinguist!  

Jacquie x


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## Sojourner (Sep 10, 2006)

*sigh*

OK, point taken. What I was *trying* to do was offer a diplomatic (...) 'outsider' perspective, utimately just displaying my own ignorance. Maybe that amounts to the same thing.


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## Sojourner (Sep 10, 2006)

Ok, after re-reading what I actually posted it's obvious I've blundred quite dramatically. I'd like to offer an apology to everyone I've offended. it wasn't my intention to appear preachy, self-righteous or scornful in any way and

*TheSaideianLinguist,*
*liz (di-va),*
*merseylass,* 

...I apologise wholeheartedly to for my bad judgement.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Sep 11, 2006)

Sojourner said:


> Ok, after re-reading what I actually posted it's obvious I've blundred quite dramatically. I'd like to offer an apology to everyone I've offended. it wasn't my intention to appear preachy, self-righteous or scornful in any way and
> 
> *TheSaideianLinguist,*
> *liz (di-va),*
> ...



Sometimes we all make mistakes. It's good you apologized. Apologizing, great stuff, but changing your behavior is what really counts.


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## CuteyChubb (Sep 11, 2006)

I have been gaining lately and am not happy about it. I do not feel good and I do not look good. I look tired (I am) and am becoming depressed. Reading through this thread is helpful as it shows I am very much not alone. I know the only answer is to shed some pounds and get back to what feels better. I can totally relate to Tracy's statement about not feeling right in your own skin. I have to find a comfort zone and maintain it. Unfortunately here lately I have been indulging in comfort foods and the pounds are adding up. Sucks. 

Oh, and I forgot to mention, I have never lost weight the "right" way with better eating choices and exercise. I have only lost weight using potentially harmful diet/energy pills. I do not think I was present when they passed out willpower.


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## merseylass (Sep 11, 2006)

CC, I feel I can identify with what you are saying as I am not feeling 100% comfy with my body atm. I have been losing and gaining weight over the last 12 months, frustratingly!!!

I have lost weight through many avenues over the years....WeightWatchers, fad diets of every description, low-fat eating/exercise, calorie counting etc. None of these methods work long-term....it's only if I keep at it. I do my share of comfort eating too and it's a hard nut to crack.

I have only done the diet pills route once and it was hellish. I hope you can find the place where you are comfortable with yourself whether you stay at your present weight or lose some weight. 

Jacquie


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## Jane (Sep 15, 2006)

CuteyChubb said:


> I do not think I was present when they passed out willpower.


I'm sorry, this is another of those "truisms" that aren't for the majority of us, and we begin to believe it.

I do not believe it is willpower for the majority of us. We've just been told that.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Sep 15, 2006)

Jane said:


> I'm sorry, this is another of those "truisms" that aren't for the majority of us, and we begin to believe it.
> 
> I do not believe it is willpower for the majority of us. We've just been told that.



Another reason I would like to see the DSM changed for anorexia nervosa. I think it's ASININE someone doesn't qualify for help until they have a BMI of 17.4 or less. (I was into the 80's before there was any effort to help.) Doctors are telling us just because a person with a BMI greater than 25 who goes ten days at a time without eating and consumes less than 300 calories a day on a regular basis and generally physically/emotionally tortures themselves over their weight 1) has no self-discipline and 2) aren't anorexic. Horseshit. /rant


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Sep 15, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Another reason I would like to see the DSM changed for anorexia nervosa. I think it's ASININE someone doesn't qualify for help until they have a BMI of 17.4 or less. (I was into the 80's before there was any effort to help.) Doctors are telling us just because a person with a BMI greater than 25 who goes ten days at a time without eating and consumes less than 300 calories a day on a regular basis and generally physically/emotionally tortures themselves over their weight 1) has no self-discipline and 2) aren't anorexic. Horseshit. /rant



Amen...I went through a bout of bulimia in high school...at 350 pounds...no one thought twice about it.  Im smarter now though...and have a bit healthier view on life and my place in the world.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 18, 2006)

TraciJo67 said:


> That's a really great point, Moonvine & I was thinking about this after I posted my own response. It is something else that helps me -- giving myself permission to eat what I want to eat & also, not beating myself up over it when I do slip and go on a binge.
> 
> There are some foods that I just can't give myself free, unlimited access to, because I will eat them until they are gone. I do not keep them in the house, but when I am in full craving mode, I'll buy just enough to satisfy my craving (like, one doughnut instead of an entire box or a snack size bag of chips).




I agree totally here- compulsive dieting and lack of self acceptance is just as big a part of the eating disorder as the binging is- I no longer weigh myself and have been on a "mission" of self acceptance for both the inner and outer me. That means learning to love my body as much as I have been struggling to love the person I am inside as well. I had no clue all the misery and hardship I was burdening myself with due to my self hatred. Im a fighter and glad that I have finally spotted the real enemy- the voice in my head that never allowed me to love myself. It's dying more each day as I replace it with positive thoughts of self love and accepance. Thanks for sharing ladies- you helped me greatly


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## calauria (Sep 29, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Ever since I stopped dieting, my weight has been stable, well, within a clothing size as I don't weigh myself either. I don't really fear gaining, because I don't gain. I had to really give myself permission to eat anything at any time, and yes, I ate cake for breakfast a couple of times, but then eating cake for breakfast became not very interesting - because I had my own full permission to do so. This is what has worked for me, not suggesting that it will work for you or for anyone else, but for me, making food not forbidden made it much less interesting. Kind of like how for most people, drinking to excess becomes less interesting after they have legally been able to do so for a while.




This has worked for me also. And plus I exercise. I'm more focused on loving my body the way it is and having a healthy lifestyle. One serving of dessert at every meal is not gonna hurt. Have one serving of anything I want is not going to hurt. Dieting made me gain, because I would binge. Now that I'm off those ridiculous suckers. I'm straight!


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## calauria (Sep 29, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> My body has changed a lot within the past couple of years. My shape is much different than it was and I have been finding it hard to get used to. the changes have also instilled a little fear in me as far as what the future holds. Before I was completely self confident and comfortable with myself but now I'm a little thrown off of my comfort level which has been a very unpleasant place to be.
> 
> I'm coming around to that place now where I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of the vicious cycle of gain and tired of the vicious cycle of worrying about gain and being afraid all the time.
> 
> ...



Yeah, I totally understand what you are saying. I just wanted some peace of mind. I was so tired of worry about my weight, going on stupid diets. When all I want is to accept my body the way it is, eat healthy most of the time and exercise. If I don't slim down some that way, oh well, what else can I do? Just meant to be this size, I guess. My doctor said I was healthy and if I ate healthy most of the time and exercised I would continue to be healthy.


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 8, 2006)

I've spent several hours reading through this thread and it has been very comforting to know that I'm not alone. I too have lived with the fear of gaining too much weight and losing my mobility and health. I seem to have inherited my Mom's family traits of fatness and with that comes a family history of diabetes, heart trouble and problems with the hips and knees. That is why I dropped off from Dimensions 2 years ago. I never realized that so many here would have understood and supported me in my efforts to change my lifestyle to a healthier one. I did stick to a strict low carb regime for about 18 months, then finally got so tired of feeling like I was on the outside looking in (everyone around me continued to eat bread, candy and the like, but would make sure I had low carb fare). I have learned that making healthy choices in food and a moderate exercise program (walking) has helped increase my stamina and made me feel better. I've also come to the conclusion that life is too short to spend it worrying about dieting. It is hard to make my hubby and friends understand that it is possible to be fat and healthy, afterall, they have all been so supportive and proud of me while I dropped 60 pounds. I am so tired of feeling alone in this. I just want everyone to be happy with the choices I make and not feel that I've let them all down. I want to allow myself the occasional treat and not feel guilty about it - not feel that I've failed at yet another attempt to be a "normal" size.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Oct 8, 2006)

You know, it's been my experience that some family and some friends will never be supportive, no matter what. Only YOUR opinion matters. I'm not at the most fit I've ever been in my life. I'm not the thinnest, for sure. 

Even if you reached the "normal" size range, or even a smaller version, there will always be crap to deal with, on top of starving and generally not having much fun. 

I am glad you're trying to be healthier. Good going. 


Punkin1024 said:


> I've spent several hours reading through this thread and it has been very comforting to know that I'm not alone. I too have lived with the fear of gaining too much weight and losing my mobility and health. I seem to have inherited my Mom's family traits of fatness and with that comes a family history of diabetes, heart trouble and problems with the hips and knees. That is why I dropped off from Dimensions 2 years ago. I never realized that so many here would have understood and supported me in my efforts to change my lifestyle to a healthier one. I did stick to a strict low carb regime for about 18 months, then finally got so tired of feeling like I was on the outside looking in (everyone around me continued to eat bread, candy and the like, but would make sure I had low carb fare). I have learned that making healthy choices in food and a moderate exercise program (walking) has helped increase my stamina and made me feel better. I've also come to the conclusion that life is too short to spend it worrying about dieting. It is hard to make my hubby and friends understand that it is possible to be fat and healthy, afterall, they have all been so supportive and proud of me while I dropped 60 pounds. I am so tired of feeling alone in this. I just want everyone to be happy with the choices I make and not feel that I've let them all down. I want to allow myself the occasional treat and not feel guilty about it - not feel that I've failed at yet another attempt to be a "normal" size.


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 8, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> You know, it's been my experience that some family and some friends will never be supportive, no matter what. Only YOUR opinion matters. I'm not at the most fit I've ever been in my life. I'm not the thinnest, for sure.
> 
> Even if you reached the "normal" size range, or even a smaller version, there will always be crap to deal with, on top of starving and generally not having much fun.
> 
> I am glad you're trying to be healthier. Good going.


Thanks! What you said is very true. That is why I came back to Dimensions - for moral support and good advice.


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## Heidi (Nov 23, 2006)

I certainly understand where folk are coming from on this. I'm just at a cross-roads at the moment - I've spent my life since I was about 8 hating myself and my body for being 'fat' (including while I was a size 12 and one of the fittest people I knew). Over 5 1/2 years of my relationship with my current boyfriend, he has been helping me to gradually accept myself the way I am. In the past few days, I've realised that I actually am happy 'inspite' of pushing the upper boundary of a size 26 (UK).
It is precisely the hatred of being fat that drives me to focus on loosing weight, though - I've been on a diet for most of my life since I was about 9. I therefore worry that if I do accept myself, I will loose the motivation required to stick to a diet, and will get bigger. I don't know why I think that, because since I was about 17, my stable point seems to be between 18 and 19 stone - whenever I come off a diet, back I go to somewhere around there. The biggest I've ever been was 19 1/2 stone, and as soon as I came off the diet that I was on at that point (yes, that's right, I was on a diet and getting heavier - figure that one out!), I dropped back to just over 18.

It's certainly not the only issue preventing me from instantly accepting myself and my size, but it is certainly another factor in holding me back. My size has never physically prevented me from doing anything (emotionally is another matter), and it scares me to think that it could get in the way of living life the way I want to. On the other hand, being worried about whether that will happen probably gets in the way anyway, so maybe I should just bite the bullet and stop worrying! I end up sounding like Tevya from Fiddler on the Roof "on one hand... on the other hand... on the other hand... on the other hand". I wish I could figure this all out.

I have no issues with larger people - I've always accepted folk the way they are, but I have to confess that I really don't understand how someone can live at a size where it interferes with what they want to do. At the size I am just now, I am aware that getting much bigger would start to require creativity in doing up shoe-laces, and I would cease to be able to run up the stairs (which happens to be something that always makes me feel good). Neither of these things alone would be a major issue, but they would affect my ability to live my choice of life.

I never, ever want that to happen, and I'm not sure whether I would stick at it were I to accept my size as is.


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## Tad (Nov 23, 2006)

Heidi said:


> In the past few days, I've realised that I actually am happy 'inspite' of pushing the upper boundary of a size 26 (UK).
> It is precisely the hatred of being fat that drives me to focus on loosing weight, though - I've been on a diet for most of my life since I was about 9. I therefore worry that if I do accept myself, I will loose the motivation required to stick to a diet, and will get bigger. I don't know why I think that, because since I was about 17, my stable point seems to be between 18 and 19 stone - whenever I come off a diet, back I go to somewhere around there. The biggest I've ever been was 19 1/2 stone, and as soon as I came off the diet that I was on at that point (yes, that's right, I was on a diet and getting heavier - figure that one out!), I dropped back to just over 18.



Im giving up trying to write this better, Im not feeling too eloquent today. I apologize that this is neither detailed nor poetic. 

I think that in the long run, acceptance is less apt to lead to weight gain, but I dont know about the short run.

The reason why I think acceptance is less apt to lead to gain in the long run can be boiled down to: its more sane. Im sure youve heard by now how crash diets can mess up your metabolism. Further, constantly feeling that youve failed at being smaller is apt to lead to an attitude where you dont properly measure the small things going on. That is, you already had two biscuits today, you failed to be perfectly disciplined, why the hell not have a bunch more? On the other hand, when you accept your body for what it is, and make the focus on taking the best care of it as possible, then, well, I think you can take the best care of it, as it is. Eat, but eat healthy, and learn to make your eating even healthier over time. Stay active, revel in your strength and energy. Enjoy your appetite without guilt, and therefore avoid binge/remorse cycles. And so on.

In the short run I cant promise that everything balances out at first. Enjoying your appetite before learning how your body really needs to be fuelled on a day in day out basis could result in short term gain, for instance. Mind you, likewise eating a bunch healthier food before figuring out how much of that you need could result in weight loss for a while. 

The small bit I can say from personal experience is that when my wife decided to start living a healthier life her weight gain continued for another ten pounds, then those ten went away, and she was roughly stable for about a decade, then in the last year for no obvious reason she has dropped another twenty pounds. So for her it was not instant stability, but reasonably quick stability, and apparently some eventual loss.

Regards;

Ed


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## treesntrees (Nov 25, 2006)

Ever since I was in high school I would go through these episodes where I would exercise like a maniac and try to control my calories and after a few monthes of doing that I would get so tired and so hungry that I would go on a monsterous binge -eat for hours everything I saw. It was a freakin unhealthy cycle and a lot of it had to do with my own anxiety and self-hatred that was causing me to hurt my body and cause much more damage than if I just accepted myself and let myself be myself. I kept this up through the early months of this year and managed to get down to a 135 lbs, getting so stressed out that I would only allow myself the extra calories if they were in a stiff alcoholic drink. And you could guess what happened then. I stressed myself out so much, spread myself so thin that I contracted mono and because my metabolism was so screwed up I gained thirty pounds in ten months. There's alot more going on in that story but maybe I will post it later because thinking about it makes me feel so volatile. As a happy ending I ended up here and I've come a long way in what seems to be such a short period of time. Thanks for hearing me.


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## Heidi (Nov 27, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Thank you for all the unsolicited and unwanted advice. Fat people, especially women, never get enough of it! I mean, who would have thought of trying to eat healthier? Brilliant stuff.
> 
> Certainly, no one here goes to gyms or works out. Thanks for the great advice.
> 
> Warning to the next person to be stupid enough to say, "You know what, if you just eat healthier and exercise, you'll lose weight and your life will be totally ab fab!!!": I'm personally going to track you down and punch you in your smarmy face. Did it take years of practicing being a dumbass, or is this inborn?





Sojourner said:


> Aloha from a new poster. I'll try to be as constructive and courteous (!) as I can...



I can see how TSL might have taken offense, but I also think this was a little harsh - okay so Sojourner was perhaps not as diplomatic as he thought he was being, but it did sound to me like he was trying, and that is the most important thing as far as I'm concerned. If everyone made an effort to understand - visited boards like these and read how people really feel about their comments, the world would be a very different place. I know there's a lot of stupid, unhelpful advice out there, but personally, I was more offended by TSL's reaction (I found it agressive and unnecessary) than I was by the original post.


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## Heidi (Nov 27, 2006)

treesntrees said:


> There's alot more going on in that story but maybe I will post it later because thinking about it makes me feel so volatile. As a happy ending I ended up here and I've come a long way in what seems to be such a short period of time. Thanks for hearing me.



Trees, hopefully you'll find the support here to be helpful in starting to break the viscious cycle that you seem to be in. I know it can be hard to talk about suff, and for some people talking really doesn't work. However, have a think about how you would feel if you did talk about it, and if it would help you, know that there will certainly be people here who're happy to listen.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Dec 2, 2006)

Heidi said:


> I can see how TSL might have taken offense, but I also think this was a little harsh - okay so Sojourner was perhaps not as diplomatic as he thought he was being, but it did sound to me like he was trying, and that is the most important thing as far as I'm concerned. If everyone made an effort to understand - visited boards like these and read how people really feel about their comments, the world would be a very different place. I know there's a lot of stupid, unhelpful advice out there, but personally, I was more offended by TSL's reaction (I found it agressive and unnecessary) than I was by the original post.



Well, I'm sorry you found the reaction inappropriate, but this is a size acceptance board. You don't respond to a lack of tact by shying away or speaking quietly. You respond to it by telling the person that, hey, it's inappropriate to stereotype fat people. LOTS of people here eat healthily and exercise. Assuming that gaining is stopped by it is asinine and inappropriate. 

If *I* eat heathily and exercise, I gain weight, as do a lot of people here. It does nothing to quell my fear when I express it for people to say, "Gee, why don't you go on the Atkins diet?" No one should have to tolerate size discrimination or have it assumed that because they're fat they're lazy or have no self-control. Sojourner assumed exactly that, and addressed the board in a patronizing manner about it.


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## Russell Williams (Dec 3, 2006)

Someone says, "Well, I'm sorry you found the reaction inappropriate, but this is a size acceptance board. You don't respond to a lack of tact by shying away or speaking quietly. You respond to it by telling the person that, hey, it's inappropriate to stereotype fat people."

Sounds like an exellent reason for reading the editorial written by Mr. Pitts and responding to and then copying the response to me.

Russell Williams-activist.


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## Heidi (Dec 4, 2006)

Sorry for my ignorance!


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## Big Beautiful Dreamer (Dec 4, 2006)

My guess would be that that's a reference to Leonard Pitts, a columnist. That's just a guess on my part, though, since I haven't seen anything by Pitts lately having to do with size acceptance. Lately he's been writing about Michael Richards.


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## Russell Williams (Dec 6, 2006)

At least that is my interpretation of what he is saying.


http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/leonard_pitts/16087447.htm


Leonard Pitts Jr.
Leonard Pitts Jr. won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary in 2004. He is the author of Becoming Dad: Black Men and the Journey to Fatherhood. His column runs every Monday and Friday. Call him toll-free at 888-251-4407. 
Email Leonard at [email protected] or 



Below is the letter I sent to the local paper and copied to Mr. Pitts.

Dear People:

Fat Is Not a Four Letter Word
On page A4 of the Friday, November 24, 2006 opinion page columnist Leonard Pitts talks about "Michael Richard's meltdown".Mr. Pitts talks about Mr. Richards repeatedly using the N word at The Laugh Factory.
Mr. Pitts says "You might angrily snap that somebody is a' fat so-and-so' without really meaning it. You don't spend 2 1/2 minutes calling them fat unless fat is exactly what you mean."Fat is a descriptive adjective, it is not a four letter word. I am fat and many of my friends are fat. A 300 or 400 pound person is not chubby, they are not big boned, they are fat and to call them so is not an insult. Compare and contrast. Mr. Pitts could have referred to a thin so-and-so, a tall so-and-so, a blonde so-and-so, or a legless so-and-so. The selection of the word fat certainly implies that Mr. Pitts thinks that calling someone fat is an insult.
I find it interesting that Mr. Pitts, while trying to protect one group from discrimination was perpetuating discrimination against another group.

Yours truly, 

Russell Williams


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Dec 8, 2006)

Russell Williams said:


> Someone says, "Well, I'm sorry you found the reaction inappropriate, but this is a size acceptance board. You don't respond to a lack of tact by shying away or speaking quietly. You respond to it by telling the person that, hey, it's inappropriate to stereotype fat people."
> 
> Sounds like an exellent reason for reading the editorial written by Mr. Pitts and responding to and then copying the response to me.
> 
> Russell Williams-activist.



Word, Russell. Your response was awesome, but consider it done.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Dec 8, 2006)

Just left a message, and said fat is not a slur by any means, no more so than black or any other descriptor.


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