# It's over already :-(



## kattylee (Dec 28, 2006)

My goal of plumping my boyfriend up, that is.

If you read my previous posts, you'll see that even though he hadn't explicitly agreed to gain weight, he had gained and we had a mutual affection for eachother's bellies and most of our social activities revolve around food. 

He has seen his family over Xmas, and they have exclaimed with horror that he's gained a lot of weight, and that has made him really insecure about everything, and to cut a long story short he has said he is gonna lose every pound he put on. It's not like he's even huge, he's 6 ft 5 and wears 38 pants that are baggy. I have told him "skinny is NOT hot" but he's dead set on it, saying he's not happy with himself.

I feel absolutely gutted! I was telling the truth when I said to him that I didn't like skinny guys at all, and I kind of feel like "what a waste" of the last 6 months cos he was starting to get such a hot belly. I can't force him to be something he doesn't want to be though  I'm so sad. Don't really know what to do.


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## Tad (Dec 28, 2006)

I feel for you. It is one of the perils of being an FA--you love the person for all of them, but the physical attraction to them being fat is a right pain if they start losing. 

For your sake I hope that in a week or so his resolve softens (along with his belly!)

Regards;

-Ed


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## kattylee (Dec 28, 2006)

It's gonna sound ridiculous but I am feeling a real sense of loss! He is away at the moment and is for another 10 days, I am just absolutely dreading him coming back skinny as he is talking bout going for long run every day. I love him for HIM, not just for the way he looks, but I just feel sick to the stomach about it all . It used to make me feel so happy to stroke his belly and see him growing etc. I too hope his resolve fades but Im not sure I want to go through it all again if he's gonna lose and just yo-yo weight. 

I think I've said everything to him that I can. I've told him that I absolutely love his body, that he's never looked better, and that skinny isn't hot. I've also been a bit petty and threatened to lose loads of weight myself. I just want everything back to the way it was


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## Tad (Dec 28, 2006)

This is probably cold comfort, but.....

....it is a LOT better to go through this now than, say, six months after getting married. You can more easily decide that you can't live with this, or else that although you really don't like it you can live with it, without as many constraints.

Which in no way makes going through it any easier.

I just have one question, from something you mentioned: you said that you threatened to lose weight yourself. So is he himself an FA? 

Regards;

-Ed


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## kattylee (Dec 28, 2006)

No, he's not an out and out FA, as far as I know all the girls he's dated have been curvy rather than skinny, but he has called girls "fat" as a derogatory term before so I don't think so. However, he has also said that my belly is his favourite part of my body, so I don't know!

Why do family have to interfere 

I guess ur right about ur point that there is no "good" time for this to happen, him gaining weight was not at all the reason we got together. In fact when we got together the thought wasn't really in my mind, what hurts the most is that he is really what has awakened my inner FA by watching the beauty of him gain and our sensuality with eating, bellies etc. If that goes, then there really does feel like theres something missing (rubbing a flat empty belly is gonna be nowhere near as nice as a lovely rounded full belly - not even worth doing in fact!). I just feel like there's gonna be something majorly missing in the relationship.

I have retaliated by saying that for every pound he loses, I'll lose 5. I think thats just me being petty!

x


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## FillingOut (Dec 28, 2006)

I know how you must feel. I myself have had a hard time dealing with gaining, etc. myself and know that if I DO end up dating an FA girl, it's gonna come out eventually. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it...it's really weird to get turned on by your own body, much less the idea of it getting bigger and softer. I'm still trying to answer many of my questions (most commonly "WHY DO I HAVE TO BE INTO THIS? *lol).

It's an odd thing, this fetish...a blessing and a curse, I guess. You can hide just about any fetish from pedophilia to infantilism, but not being a feeder, for the most part. To accept the fetish and to act on it is to make yourself vulnerable to remarks, etc., and as much as people say "who cares what anyone else thinks", I think you know it's much easier said than done. It's such a bizarre yet harmless thing that you find yourself asking "Okay, does this mean that being fat is what's going to finally fulfill my sexually?"...at least, I ask that, seeing as how "regular" intercourse has never done anything for me.


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## lemmink (Dec 28, 2006)

Sounds like you're in a really horrible situation. But if its his parents who've caused this, maybe after a while he'll get over their comments and just live his life. Yuck to interfereing families!


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## kattylee (Dec 29, 2006)

Yuck indeed.

Well, we had a long conversation last night. He said he hates that he doesn't look good in his clothes, and pants that were too big in May were now too tight. I reassured him that he was gorgeous and that clothes are made to fit people, people are not made to fit into a particular clothes size! I said I really didn't want him to lose weight but I guess only time will tell, when he gets back from his hol.


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## palndrm (Dec 29, 2006)

My experience is that we all tend to react to whatever environment we are in at the time. So it makes sense that he had such a strong reaction to his gain when he was in a non-supportive setting. I suspect that once he gets back into the food-filled, fat-loving environment that you two enjoy, losing weight will become less important and that'll he'll go back to his gaining ways. And you'll probably pack on a few more pounds too


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## Durin (Dec 29, 2006)

This is so interesting. Because I have been through this roller coaster ride and I completely understand what you are going through.

I am an FA. When my Wife and I got married I weighed about 195 (I am 5'7") and Nik weighed around 295 (5'4"). I was a fairly big guy when I first got married but not really FAT.

When you get married I think the pressure for Nik to diet dissapeared because I liked her how she was and I always enjoyed seeing her eat and told her she was beautiful. I for the first time in a while was getting meals on a regular basis, and Nik always had good tasting food around the house. The end result is we both gained. It was gradual, everytime I stepped on the scale which was infrequent I found out I weighed more. Same situation for my wife I am sure. 

Nik finally at her highest weight weighed about 370. (At this time I had gained about 50lbs and weighed 245. )This was too much for her. My wife dealt with being heavy but just did not want to be that heavy. It was starting to be a problem for her as she would walk up and down stairs ect. She decided she wanted WLS.

As Nik gained weight I enjoyed the new expanding shape of her body. I liked her junk in the trunk and where it was showing up. I'm sure I don't have to go into detail here.

So I was really panicked when she told me that she was going to do WLS. 1.) because I think It's overly dangerous and expensive. 2.) because I loved the 370lb Nik and I didn't want to see all that beautiful fat dissapear. I was imagining my Wife turning into a skinny person I was not attracted to and didn't even know. On the other hand it's her body and I felt she had the right to make her own choices. Asking someone to not do something that they think will make them feel better for the sake of your sexual kinks is not really fair. We had always said before we got married, because the subject of loosing weight came up that as long as Nik did not get any skinnier than a size 16 things were O.K. That's my skinny limit.

Still I was a man torn in two. I wanted a 370lb Nik and not a smaller version. I was also terrified that something would happen to the woman I love. This Surgery is not safe, any surgury has complications. ( Nik has had 3 hernia surguries, Major surguries since the WLS operation. I deffinatly think that WLS is bad news and not just because I'm an FA.)

So What happened to Nik, well she lost about 110lbs. At her lowest weight post surgery she weighed 260lbs. Skinnier than when we were married, but not my weightloss nightmare that I was envisioning. Now she's probablly back to what she weighed when we got married. She did not think the WLS was a success and like I said we have had many dangerous complications but life goes on. My wife is very beautiful and I am happy to have her alive. Do I still dream about how she looked at around 370lbs. You bet I do but she's happier at 280ish. 

I on the other hand continued to gain weight till I weighed about 270lbs. My Family has made legion of nasty comments about my weight and consequently I don't visit with them too much. I also for some prideful reason did not want to weigh more than my wife. Also buying new Fat clothes is such a pain. That is the worst part. So I decided to go on Atkins. At my skinnyist I weighed around 219. It was unsustainable. You can't diet forever and eventually you will break. So I gained again. Finally through no will power but weighing myself daily and trying to eat just a little bit less I have settled into a weight range from 253-262. I really don't like to get into the 260's. I wear 42" pants and they are way too snug at 260 and I would need to get 44"pants. I am very happy in this weight range. I'm fat there's no denying it but I am comfortable at this size. 

I think with your boyfriend you should be clear about what you like and what makes you happy. At least as much as you are able. Also let him try to lose weight. As you know everyone who diets gains the weight back and more. Just bear with him as he goes through this phase. 

It is an emotional rollercoaster to be a FA/FFA when your partner decides the don't like themselves at the weight that you love them at. You feel very shallow, but you know what turns you on and what doesn't and you grieve the loss of the pounds.

 

Now I had


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## Dark_Hart (Dec 29, 2006)

I feel for you  

cheer up sweety


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## kattylee (Dec 29, 2006)

Thanks for your replies. At a time like this, they mean everything.

Durin, your post was so touching. Describing being a FA/FFA as a rollercoaster ride is so true. It is sometimes physicallly exausting for me as a FFA, to make sure my partner is well fed, whether that be me cooking meal after delicious meal, or forcing down a piece of takeout even though I'm not hungry but I want to see the effect on my other half's belly. Sometimes just looking at his full belly, curved perfectly, makes me so perfectly happy and content. Feeling I'm going to lose that just makes me want to panic. I honestly don't think I will find him physically attractive if he is thin. I guess people have preferences and mine is not ripped muscles it's a rounded, well fed, properly FAT belly, to kiss and love. 

I think I have made my feelings pretty clear to him. Does anyone have any suggestions for particular things I could say to him to reassure him about his weight and gaining? I just don't want it all to be a lost cause x


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## collegeguy2514 (Dec 29, 2006)

kattylee said:


> Thanks for your replies. At a time like this, they mean everything.
> 
> Durin, your post was so touching. Describing being a FA/FFA as a rollercoaster ride is so true. It is sometimes physicallly exausting for me as a FFA, to make sure my partner is well fed, whether that be me cooking meal after delicious meal, or forcing down a piece of takeout even though I'm not hungry but I want to see the effect on my other half's belly. Sometimes just looking at his full belly, curved perfectly, makes me so perfectly happy and content. Feeling I'm going to lose that just makes me want to panic. I honestly don't think I will find him physically attractive if he is thin. I guess people have preferences and mine is not ripped muscles it's a rounded, well fed, properly FAT belly, to kiss and love.
> 
> I think I have made my feelings pretty clear to him. Does anyone have any suggestions for particular things I could say to him to reassure him about his weight and gaining? I just don't want it all to be a lost cause x


you can talk till you are blue in the face, but if he doesnt see it, it doesnt matter. 

i hate to say it, but it may be a lost cause. i know it sux, and the thought of it ending is horrible, but sometimes the truth hurts. you'll look back one day and laugh. 

there was a girl i knew, not long ago. she was my best friend. i loved her. eventually, after much trying, she agreed to date me. and it was the happiest time of my life. i was head over heals in love. nothing mattered but her. 

then she dumped me. i was heartbroken. devistated. i thought how will i go on, what will i do? 

now i look back, and wonder wtf was i thinking? thats what i wanted to spend the rest of my life with? 

the point im trying to make is there are other fish in the sea. if the rest of you looks as good as that belly of yours, you'll have no trouble finding a great guy. a guy who'll love all of you, and who'll want to grow for you. 

just keep your chin up, smile, and go with it. i hope that helped.


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## lemmink (Dec 30, 2006)

If you worry that you won't be attracted to him at a lower weight, you should probably mention it. Also, do stress how sexy you find him right now, and how comfortable you feel with him now.  I mean, I really do know how much this kind of thing is a killer for a relationship... is he absolutely clear that you don't just love him for who he is, you love him for his fat belly? Heck, don't lose weight for the pounds he loses - just tell him he won't get any luvins. 

Maybe you should re-arrange his wardrobe a little now that he's put on weight, and find him clothing that does fit. I think having clothes that don't fit really is a bit scary for people. My boyfriend was a little nervy since some of his old things have stopped fitting, but now that I've got him some cute t-shirts and a new haircut, I've caught him checking himself out in shop windows.  

Maybe he needs something of a makeover to feel better about himself.


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## Laina (Dec 30, 2006)

lemmink said:


> If you worry that you won't be attracted to him at a lower weight, you should probably mention it. Also, do stress how sexy you find him right now, and how comfortable you feel with him now.  I mean, I really do know how much this kind of thing is a killer for a relationship... is he absolutely clear that you don't just love him for who he is, you love him for his fat belly? Heck, don't lose weight for the pounds he loses - just tell him he won't get any luvins.
> 
> Maybe you should re-arrange his wardrobe a little now that he's put on weight, and find him clothing that does fit. I think having clothes that don't fit really is a bit scary for people. My boyfriend was a little nervy since some of his old things have stopped fitting, but now that I've got him some cute t-shirts and a new haircut, I've caught him checking himself out in shop windows.
> 
> Maybe he needs something of a makeover to feel better about himself.



Agreed. I've found guys are just as susceptible to wardrobe panic as girls are--having clothes that fit and flatter goes a LONG way toward making you more comfortable in your own skin.

In addition, if he doesn't KNOW that his extra weight flat out does it for you, nothing you say about it being "ok" or "acceptable" or even "cute" is going to help. Nobody wants to be acceptable to their partner--they want to be desired, adored, even worshipped. Being passable is cold comfort.

Also, someone else mentioned, and I've got to echo, that he was in a non-supportive environment. Coming home to a girlfriend who loves him the way he is may go a looong way to helping him relax. Families can be pretty awful, even when they don't mean to be.


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## kattylee (Dec 31, 2006)

Thanks for your replies. His crazy exercise program seems to have been abandoned at the early stages, thankfully, judging from phone conversations we've had! Its only a few days until he's back. New clothes sound like a great idea. I thnk I might buy them a little big, so he can hopefully grow into. And obviously I will be showering him with compliments!


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## rabbitislove (Jan 1, 2007)

kattylee said:


> No, he's not an out and out FA, as far as I know all the girls he's dated have been curvy rather than skinny, but he has called girls "fat" as a derogatory term before so I don't think so. However, he has also said that my belly is his favourite part of my body, so I don't know!



It seems that he still has a lot of issues with fatphobia to deal with. I'd suggest finding him fat positive literature and websites, looking at rubenesque nudes and hell even show him this site. 

Families can be the worse, and just pressure from society in general. I can relate. My most current ex lost 20 lbs over the summer and I was bummed out. My friends and family will make cracks about fatter people Im dating, but they're missing out. The more the cushion, the better the pushin.:eat2: 

Good luck. <3


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## kattylee (Jan 8, 2007)

Well, he's back tonight so I'll be able to see exactly what the damage of 2.5 weeks with the family on an active-ish holiday is 

I'm kind of mad at myself though. I love this guy, and all I can think of is worry about him having lost lots of weight while he's away. I'm mad, because surely the whole point of Size Acceptance is to accept the not-so-fat times as well? I can't help it though. I will report back!


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## fat hiker (Jan 8, 2007)

In two and a half weeks, unless he's done nothing but extreme starvation and exercise, the most damage you're looking at is ten, maybe 12 pounds - not that much. If he gave up the exercise part early on, then even less. Once he's back in a food- and weight- supportive environment with you, things will get better again. 

And, just think, that bit of exericise might well have added a bit of muscle to him, allowing him to carry even more weight! For BHMs and serious gainers, exercise is important, 'cause it takes muscle to haul around all that fat and continue a 'normal' lifestyle....


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## kattylee (Jan 11, 2007)

Well....just thought I'd update.

When he got back he did seem like he'd lost a little weight, but the last couple days we've been eating like pigs and his belly is looking great. AND I also know his weight now!!! He's 226 pounds, I know that as he weighed himself, as his sister wanted to know if he had lost any weight while he was away, as he looked like he had, but he was exactly the same. It seems he prob lost a bit of fat and put on muscle but we are well on the way to getting the fat back too (hopefully)


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## Tad (Jan 11, 2007)

Thanks for the update--and I'm happy to hear the fat and happy ending too :-0

-Ed


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## ciccia (Jan 18, 2007)

Thanks for sharing your experience! 

When i read your first post in this thread i thought "Deamn this is exactly what is happening to me right now!" And it is, i even got the same idea to lose weight myself too (and i'm skinny enough).

A week ago he told he's going on a diet and he' d diet until he'd reach his goal, that means almost ALWAYS.

I went through all the same thoughts and ideas.. 

It's been horrible, for both of us. I began to doubt if he really loves me because i have changed a plenty of things for him, from appearance to ideas, including the things that i would never have quit on before i met him. These things have been respected as my ways of living my life, but i understand that in a couple beeing fine TOGETHER makes me be fine myself even if i'm doing something that i (out of the couple contest) hate or dislike, because when everything about me is perfect for him he becomes the sweetest person on earth, we never quarel, and it seems to be a fairy tale.

Knowing how it works, i hate to think about his decision to diet - he perfectly knows that there is only ONE thing i would ever ask him, ONE thing that can make me as happy as i have never been, ONE thing that would improve so much OUR relationship. So what? He decides to be thin, so does he want to ruin everything? No.. I know he loves me, but maybe we are just different concerning contributing to the relationship, and i'd be fine with it, but if it was true we would be wrong matches for each other. But i love him.

So we talked, quareled, cried.. for a few days.. Then we decided to end it - we would still live together but like people who share a flat until we found another flat for me. But we do want to be together so we changed our idea. For the time being the diet is postponed until next monday.. 

Hell, i am ready to change whatever habit or idea, but not the one that i have since i was born, and this is being FFA.

We're living these days in a sort of peace and loving, may be it will be over by monday. I don't know any word sad enough to describe how i feel, but when he wants to lose and loses weight we both suffer too much. Would he feel better without me? I don't think so, but if he wanted that, i would leave, because i respect him. Is it foolish of me to dream other people approach me the way i approach them? Maybe it's an utopia. 

I don't think i need comments because my situation is exactly the same and i actually agree with all the comments given before, and, thanks God, nobody used the word "shallow" in this thread yet.

p.s. i'm happy for you and your boyfriend gaining back the lost pounds! i wish you both to be fine!

Thanks everybody, and, if you want, i'll write how the story will be saved, proceed or end.


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## Tad (Jan 19, 2007)

ciccia said:


> Thanks everybody, and, if you want, i'll write how the story will be saved, proceed or end.




(((((Ciccia))))) poor you, it sounds like a totally emotionally draining experience to go through. I hope that things work themselves out, or if not that I hope that you manage your split in a steady way.

--Bryan


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## kattylee (Jan 22, 2007)

Really interesting to hear your story. Let me know how it goes.

x


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## lemmink (Jan 27, 2007)

Aw ciccia, that sounds so awful for you to go through - I really hope things work out.


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