# PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 5, 2010)

I did a forum search for PTSD.....only came up with some old posts....one of them being my own. 

I was diagnosed about 9 years ago with PTSD. It came from childhood abuse. 

What is PTSD aka Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?


> Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
> 
> It's natural to be afraid when you're in danger. It's natural to be upset when something bad happens to you or someone you know. But if you feel afraid and upset weeks or months later, it's time to talk with your doctor. You might have post-traumatic stress disorder.
> What is post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD?
> ...



I also have an eating disorder.....and have suffered from depression and anxiety. 



> PTSD and eating disorders co-occur. This may not be too surprising given that *a number of psychiatric disorders have been found to co-occur with PTSD, including, for example, major depression, anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorder, and substance use disorders.*
> 
> Eating Disorders
> 
> ...



I'm also an addict.....


> Addiction Rates High Among People with PTSD
> 
> A new report finds that 45 percent of people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) smoke cigarettes, 52 percent have been diagnosed with alcohol abuse or dependence, and 35 percent have been diagnosed with drug abuse or dependence, the Navy Times reported Feb. 20.
> 
> ...



In the past, "flight or fight" would kick on, fight usually winning when I felt "threatened" or "attacked" and then when I cooled down, I would flood with self-doubts about whether or not someone had wronged me or if I was crazy/over-reacting.
My reflex to react kicked on too easily. Drugs didn't help this but a year and a half with a counselor that showed me how to love myself and find inner peace. In essence, he told me that I can self control it to an extent....even though it will never "go away". This was contradictory to what the psychiatrist that put me on medication said.......

I now seem to be able to not "over-react" now and it has also spread over into treating myself better now. Instead of being filled with self-doubts when I start thinking someone is treating me badly, I can now step back, analyze it calmly and make a good conscious decision with my logical mind. Life is much better now with no guilt for sticking up for myself and treating others better. 

I can be "hot and cold"....this is the best way I can describe it. That and the numbness that sometimes comes over me.....the feeling always returns though. I am grateful for that....and that knowledge makes me feel better about myself. 

Also, I found this article about EMDR for the treatment of PTSD.



> EMDR to Treat Underlying PTSD in Drug Addiction
> Addiction Therapies
> 
> When a person experiences a traumatic event they often internalize the event and re-experience it. In effect, they are not only traumatized during the activating event, but every time something triggers a memory of the event. A traumatic event is an experience that causes physical, emotional, psychological distress, or harm. It is an event that is perceived and experienced as a threat to ones safety or to the stability of ones world.
> ...



Discuss? Share links or experiences?


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## shadowmaker87 (Feb 5, 2010)

thx 4 the post! some ppl wont admit tht they have it till it's too late! i just came back frm iraq n i thought i had iut but i dont THANK GOD! i have an "adjustment disorder" which i thought it was the same but it's not ; totally different! ! i'm just taking one day at a time n makin sure tht i tk to my family n friends ! hope u r doing the same take care n ty for posting this!


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## Fat.n.sassy (Feb 7, 2010)

shadowmaker87 said:


> thx 4 the post! some ppl wont admit tht they have it till it's too late! i just came back frm iraq n i thought i had iut but i dont THANK GOD! i have an "adjustment disorder" which i thought it was the same but it's not ; totally different! ! i'm just taking one day at a time n makin sure tht i tk to my family n friends ! hope u r doing the same take care n ty for posting this!




Thanks very much for your protection and service for our contry. I hope your adjustment back to regular life goes well!
(((Hugs)))


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## Fat.n.sassy (Feb 7, 2010)

Wow GEF, you have been through the ringer! (((Hugs)))! 

I used to think that people had the same kind of life I had when I was younger. What an eye-opener when I learned different! 

It really pisses me off when people say how resilient kids are. Since the effects of abuse/trauma aren't seen till much later, it's easy for people to attribute what they're going through (i.e., flashbacks, addiction, bulimia, depression, etc. things you have listed) as failure on their OWN part! It would certainly seem logical too since kids usually blame themselves for any abuse they received in the first place. Heck, they're often even TOLD it was their fault.

Sorry, I type the same way I talk, I hope this is readable and understandable. You are truly a courageous woman. By the way, the EMDR has been a huge help for me in dealing with some hellacious flashbacks.

Thanks again!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 8, 2010)

shadowmaker87 said:


> thx 4 the post! some ppl wont admit tht they have it till it's too late! i just came back frm iraq n i thought i had iut but i dont THANK GOD! i have an "adjustment disorder" which i thought it was the same but it's not ; totally different! ! i'm just taking one day at a time n makin sure tht i tk to my family n friends ! hope u r doing the same take care n ty for posting this!



I would be interested in you posting more about "adjustment disorder" if you didn't mind to do so?



Fat.n.sassy said:


> Wow GEF, you have been through the ringer! (((Hugs)))!
> 
> I used to think that people had the same kind of life I had when I was younger. What an eye-opener when I learned different!
> 
> ...



Would you mind telling me more about the EMDR? What it entails in your own experience and where you acquired the help?


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## Elfcat (Feb 14, 2010)

I would suspect there is quite a bit of PTSD among fat people.


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## Miss Vickie (Feb 16, 2010)

Greenie, thank you for posting this. I think it's good information for people to have, because a lot more people suffer from this than are diagnosed. I think people have the misconception that you had to have been in a war or something to have it. While it's true that it was initially relating to GI's coming back from combat, it's also been diagnosed in people who suffer from childhood abuse or neglect. In my own case, mine stems from a childhood of physical abuse by a much bigger, much older brother who locked me in trunks in our attic, tried to drown me, and physically assaulted my cousins. I was saved from the abuse by the death of my parents, and then I was molested by an "uncle", my father's best friend, months after my parents died. 

I've worked very hard over the years to overcome this, and yet I still occasionally suffer from PTSD, although it's mild and I only very infrequently have problems. Recently, however, an event at work pushed my buttons and I'm still having PTSD symptoms. A co-worker stood over me, intimidating me with her posture and gaze, and shamed me in front of my colleagues and patients. She had misunderstood something I said in a semi-private conversation and "went with it", piling on comment after nasty comment and then the last bit where I felt physically threatened by her.

The worst part was that when I went to my boss, she was no help at all. The co-worker in question has little memory of the event (past the first nasty comment she made and no memory at all of standing over me, threatening me) and my boss called me a "drama queen", implying that I'd exaggerated or made it up. This had its perhaps intended effect of shutting me up. For awhile. I felt totally shamed, like I had over reacted, etc and started doubting my memory of the event. But the more I thought about it, the angrier I felt. So finally, last Friday, I had my Towanda moment and talked to my boss. I told her how I felt about what she said, and that how, given my history, it is particularly difficult for me to speak up about abuse, and when people respond as she did, it puts me back into that place of abuse. She apologized, asked how she could make it right, and said that she DOES believe me. Knowing that made me feel better. But it's been tough. I've had physical symptoms -- neck spasms and headaches -- had have been really anxious since then. Now I have to work with this woman and I find myself shrinking from her. I'm trying to work my way through it, and part of that was going to my boss and telling her how I felt. As for the rest of it? I just need to keep working on it. 

I'm really glad you mentioned EMDR. I'm the poster child for EMDR working miracles. Due to my history of being locked in small spaces, I was huuuuuuuuugely claustrophobic. I couldn't be in closed spaces at all. Elevators were tough. Tunnels were a nightmare. Even using the bathroom I'd have to leave the door open a crack. About 14 or so years ago, my therapist was first learning to do EMDR and asked if I wanted to give it a try. I said sure, and she used it to help me with my claustrophobia. I worked through a memory of being locked in a trunk, and since then my claustrophobia is GONE. I swear, if a miracle existed, that's as close as it comes. It's great stuff.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 16, 2010)

Miss Vickie said:


> Greenie, thank you for posting this. I think it's good information for people to have, because a lot more people suffer from this than are diagnosed. I think people have the misconception that you had to have been in a war or something to have it. While it's true that it was initially relating to GI's coming back from combat, it's also been diagnosed in people who suffer from childhood abuse or neglect. In my own case, mine stems from a childhood of physical abuse by a much bigger, much older brother who locked me in trunks in our attic, tried to drown me, and physically assaulted my cousins. I was saved from the abuse by the death of my parents, and then I was molested by an "uncle", my father's best friend, months after my parents died.



I am truly surprised by how much of this echoes my own childhood. I was beaten daily by my now mentally ill older brother, told "too bad" by my mentally ill mother and when he moved away, a family friend that I thought of as my grandfather molested me. 
I have/had issues aside from the PTSD but I think it stayed with me longest.....and has caused many problems for me in adulthood. 
Stepping into abusive/co-dependent relationships didn't help me to heal either. 





Miss Vickie said:


> I've worked very hard over the years to overcome this, and yet I still occasionally suffer from PTSD, although it's mild and I only very infrequently have problems. Recently, however, an event at work pushed my buttons and I'm still having PTSD symptoms. A co-worker stood over me, intimidating me with her posture and gaze, and shamed me in front of my colleagues and patients. She had misunderstood something I said in a semi-private conversation and "went with it", piling on comment after nasty comment and then the last bit where I felt physically threatened by her.
> 
> The worst part was that when I went to my boss, she was no help at all. The co-worker in question has little memory of the event (past the first nasty comment she made and no memory at all of standing over me, threatening me) and my boss called me a "drama queen", implying that I'd exaggerated or made it up. This had its perhaps intended effect of shutting me up. For awhile. I felt totally shamed, like I had over reacted, etc and started doubting my memory of the event. But the more I thought about it, the angrier I felt. So finally, last Friday, I had my Towanda moment and talked to my boss. I told her how I felt about what she said, and that how, given my history, it is particularly difficult for me to speak up about abuse, and when people respond as she did, it puts me back into that place of abuse. She apologized, asked how she could make it right, and said that she DOES believe me. Knowing that made me feel better. But it's been tough. I've had physical symptoms -- neck spasms and headaches -- had have been really anxious since then. Now I have to work with this woman and I find myself shrinking from her. I'm trying to work my way through it, and part of that was going to my boss and telling her how I felt. As for the rest of it? I just need to keep working on it.



How awful.....I, too, sometimes have a lot of trouble sticking up for myself....and frequently feel like I have "over-reacted" when I do so. 
It feels like everything is "over-done" or has to be over the top - working on that middle ground has been something I have been striving for these past couple of years. I feel especially proud of myself for "boundary setting" mainly because it takes away a lot of that over-reaction. 
So glad to read that you had that talk with the boss - sounded like you needed to set up some boundaries for him/her, as well. 



Miss Vickie said:


> I'm really glad you mentioned EMDR. I'm the poster child for EMDR working miracles. Due to my history of being locked in small spaces, I was huuuuuuuuugely claustrophobic. I couldn't be in closed spaces at all. Elevators were tough. Tunnels were a nightmare. Even using the bathroom I'd have to leave the door open a crack. About 14 or so years ago, my therapist was first learning to do EMDR and asked if I wanted to give it a try. I said sure, and she used it to help me with my claustrophobia. I worked through a memory of being locked in a trunk, and since then my claustrophobia is GONE. I swear, if a miracle existed, that's as close as it comes. It's great stuff.



I never knew about EMDR until google searching for information for this thread......but is sounding like something I need to look into. 

I sometimes wonder if I have a form of claustrophobia but always end up thinking it's "different" and related to the PTSD. I _have_ to get out of my house, car, setting, etc sometimes or I lose my mind/blow my top. Those feeling were much worse when I was still married.....feelings of being trapped is probably a better way to describe it. 

Do you mind to share more about EMDR and your experience with it?


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## Miss Vickie (Feb 17, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> How awful.....I, too, sometimes have a lot of trouble sticking up for myself....and frequently feel like I have "over-reacted" when I do so.
> It feels like everything is "over-done" or has to be over the top - working on that middle ground has been something I have been striving for these past couple of years. I feel especially proud of myself for "boundary setting" mainly because it takes away a lot of that over-reaction.
> So glad to read that you had that talk with the boss - sounded like you needed to set up some boundaries for him/her, as well.



Yes, it's hard. Boundaries (mine, anyway) were never respected in my family so I have a hard time setting, and enforcing, boundaries for myself. Perhaps interestingly, I'm especially sensitive to other people's boundaries and am usually in such fear of imposing on them that I may seem standoffish. I'm always afraid of being too pushy or imposing myself on others that I no doubt miss out on opportunities with friends because if they don't ask me I don't "push the issue".



> I sometimes wonder if I have a form of claustrophobia but always end up thinking it's "different" and related to the PTSD. I _have_ to get out of my house, car, setting, etc sometimes or I lose my mind/blow my top. Those feeling were much worse when I was still married.....feelings of being trapped is probably a better way to describe it.



I've been there. Some of the bruises I got from my ex were from him holding me in place when I needed to get away during a heated argument.  In my case, it was different from the claustrophobia, which used to rear its ugly head in even non-stressful circumstances -- although it frequently created a lot of stress and anxiety for me. The getting away... yep... I remember feeling that need. It's like I'd get overstimulated or something and it was just too intense. Having a few moments to myself would help me calm down. 



> Do you mind to share more about EMDR and your experience with it?



I'll think about it. I'd be happy to share with you personally, so feel free to PM me. I just feel a little uncomfortable with what I've shared so far, so I'm not sure with how much more I feel comfortable posting. But you can chat me up any time!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 21, 2010)

Was reading another site with information about it.....this one seems very detailed. Thought I would share it here. 

http://www.palace.net/llama/psych/trauma.html



> 7. What is PTSD?
> 
> 
> Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the name given to a cluster of symptoms often seen in trauma survivors. The more severe the trauma, the longer these symptoms will persist. In cases of major and/or repeated trauma, strong reactions may continue for years.
> ...


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## activistfatgirl (Jul 22, 2010)

Thanks for these posts, Greenie and others. I suppose the long and short of it for me is that I have been suffering from high anxiety and a constellation of PTSD-like symptoms since April. My trauma was a extremely stressful organizing event that I was putting 100 some hours a week into and fumbled a speech in front of, oh, 900 people. I overworked myself into pure panic attacks, not being able to sleep, jolting out of bed into a pure run to get to a crisis that didn't exist, and maddening dissassociation and paranoia. I thought it'd all go away in a week or so with some rest, but was terrified when feelings persisted. Even tonight I'm doing quite well and sat down to a flashback of the traumatizing event. It's a tough nut to crack!

The symptoms are traumatizing in themselves, creating a cycle that can be difficult to break, but I'm hopeful that time (and, for me, temporary medication) can heal all wounds. I'm trying to laugh at myself instead of getting stressed out when I get startled by a shadow or fear normal activities (who knew driving would suddenly get difficult after 14 years?) I haven't been able to remember normal details, but I laugh it off. If I feel aggressive, I just try to breathe. I'm sleeping normally now, mostly. 

I've learned that I HAVE to take time for me and SLOW DOWN. 

It takes a tremendously strong person to live with anxiety and trauma. Much love to any and all sufferers!


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