# Objectification?



## StarWitness (Jan 31, 2010)

I know the topic of fat admirers objectifying fat people has been discussed on this site; that there are fat people who have had negative experiences with admirers who made them feel like they were only valuable and desirable for that aspect of their bodies. However, I think every time objectification has been brought up, the situation has been a fat woman being objectified by a male admirer.

It's not a surprise to me that this is the case-- after all, we are more used to seeing men as the ones who have the desire, and women as the objects being desired. It's silly to think that the opposite situation can't be true, though. 

Personally, I worry that I'm doing this. I've never slept with a fat guy who I didn't like as a person, but there have been instances during sex where all I want to do is focus on his fat. It's important to me that I don't make my sexual partner uncomfortable, so if he wants me to direct my focus away from his rolls, I'm happy to comply... but not without feeling a bit ashamed that I've been treating him like a piece of meat.

So what I'm wondering is: have any of you ever been in a situation of a FFA objectifying a BHM? Guys: what led you to believe that she was just into your body, and how did that make you feel? Did you do anything about it? Women: how did you modify your behavior to treat fat men in a more respectful manner?


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Jan 31, 2010)

I'll be honest, this is a hard one and something I deal with regularly. Especially since most of the time my guy isn't exactly happy with the way he looks.

What I have done, especially now that he's focused on losing weight, he has brought up the issue that he worries that I won't be attracted to him as he loses or when he reaches his ultimate goal.

What have I done to modify my behavior? Well, I guess the most important thing I feel that I've done is kept open and honest communication with him. I let him know that while my attraction to him is strongly physical, that there is also an emotional and mental attraction to him that I can't deny. 

I admire not only who he is on the outside, but also who he is inside. His loving and caring side isn't something I could easily do without. He is supportive of me and I am also supportive of him. I make sure to point all of these things out to him when he does show that he's uncomfortable with my attraction to his body.


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## matt uk (Jan 31, 2010)

im a regular fat guy. so as soon as attention came my way, i took it, and loved every minute! ! but also realised what it was this stunning girl wanted, she openly told me what i was to her. i could not believe this slim sexy girl, that all my mates wanted a piece of was even looking my way. being a tad older now i guess i would try anything but with caution. if a good looking girl came my way, id probably still let har take whatever she wanted. id be an idiot to say otherwise...desire is what it is. (sorry grammer poor posting on phone).


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## escapist (Jan 31, 2010)

First of all I was objectified before I was a BHM. When I was 19 I got down to 250 for me thats pretty much looking like The Hulk. I got package checked more than a parcel traveling around the world with Fed Ex. Women who were complete strangers would do this at me work. From strippers getting off their sift to the female Pit Boss's who worked at the casino. Almost every sexual encounter I had was like this for a long time. One time a woman sat there just rubbing me and looking at me like a giant hunk of meat. Keeping in mind that to me I was still "The Fat Kid" in my head, it was just hard to figure out what was going on. Usually when this is happening women really don't talk they just look at me and touch, and touch, and touch then look some more.

I lived a bit of life from that time till I became aware of the FFA community. When I knowingly had my first few encounters with FFA's I saw very similar behavior, with sometimes the exact body part objectifications, to me the only thing that changed is for some Fat got added to the list of things they LOVE about my body. It really wasn't an issue until I began wondering how truly compatible we were. I've become accustom to body worship, and realize it just takes some time to get over it. I even have the same problem myself sometimes. I've been lucky enough to have some very attractive women in my life so I don't have a problem giving it some time to get over the physical attraction. 

I think once a relationship progresses to a deeper level having moments of pure physical attraction are totally healthy and normal as long as you come back to the reality of the caring relationship. There are plenty of times I look at chicken Legs and my mind goes blank, hell it happened at least 10x today lol but thats partly her fault hahaha :blush:. She is right though, sometimes I totally forget how powerfully overwhelming it is for her, just to be around me. I really don't think of myself as Insanely hot, no matter how many times I get told I am. Yeah it happens a lot, but somehow my brain goes back to normal setting and I think I'm just like everybody else (coincidently that is why its still nice to hear I'm attractive). She's just reminded me of how it was when we first talked. She would actually forget how I looked over the phone and PM, and then face to face she would just stare and never talk.

What did I do about all that? Well I learned to seriously evaluate a potential partner. I give it time, I give it space. I let them do what they will and wait to see what it really says about them. Like I said I think having different modes is totally normal and natural in a relationship. As long as there is true caring and affection, I'm pretty cool with someone who get kicked over into crazy mad objectification mode from time to time.


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## lovelocs (Jan 31, 2010)

I usually get into some pretty deep conversations with men, and I have only once had a man complain to me about feeling objectified. This guy was not just handsome, but truly beautiful to the point it was a curse.

I think for the rest of male humanity, there is the opposite: a starvation for being physically appreciated. Especially for fat men. Even when there is enough love, or sex, or respect, there's a nagging insecurity that there is a part of themselves that isn't acceptable. A big part. One man I know couldn't have children, and hated his body and punished it because of that fact. I've been with a man who wouldn't let me take his shirt off. My ex, once, in the middle of sex, said he wished his penis were longer. In the middle of making love he stops to say this. We are accustomed to hearing women complain about their bodies. Just because men don't do it (or like to appear bulletproof) doesn't mean that they don't feel insecurity, embarrassment, or shame at their physical selves.

So I never worry about making a man feel objectified. Of course, I try to make sure my language matches his (wouldn't want to offend any sensibilities). I respect his time and space. And of course, I never assume that a man wants to be touched by me. I have been known to stare, though, and sometimes I can't help that.

As for the man you're with, I don't see anything wrong with focusing on his fat rolls. Without knowing him, it's tough to say. He may still harbor some ambivalence about his fat, and your focusing on it may confuse or embarrass him. Does he act differently when you praise or bring attention to other areas of his body, such as his face or privates? If so, he may not feel valued outside of his body. If not, it may not be your "objectification," but his own ingrained shame.


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## Wanderer (Feb 1, 2010)

I think I could stand to be objectified... at least for a while.

(goes back to his lonely bed)


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## 99Haints (Feb 1, 2010)

I've never experienced the sort of alien, impersonal feelings associated with being objectified. The girl I'm dating now likes to do these sort of extensive easter egg hunts all over me for fatty handfuls. (It's a rigged game.) It's not particularly sensual, and doesn't require my participation, but I love to watch her have her fun, and I don't think about what parts of me are going unappreciated or ignored. But then again, my chub is pretty much the off button to my brain, so I become..like..putty...in..her...


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## Isla620 (Feb 1, 2010)

Admittedly, I don't have very many data points, but these have been the past results of my oh-so-scientific investigation into the matter:

Me: "You understand I don't just want you for your body, right?"
BHM: *laughing fit*

Me: "I really worry that I'm objectifying you."
BHM: "No, no, don't stop! Keep objectifying me!"

Me: "I don't want you to think I'm just using you."
BHM: "Oh, please do."

So, my working theory at this point is that objectification is less of an issue for men than women, and even less of an issue for BHMs.

On a more serious note, I think that physical objectification is only likely to become a negative issue when there's a mismatch in what the two people are seeking. For example, if one person is looking for a committed long-term relationship and the other is looking for something with no strings attached. If everyone is clear from the start about their motivations, it really helps a lot. I also think men are much more threatened by _non-physical_ objectification -- being used for their money, their social status, their connections, etc.


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## escapist (Feb 1, 2010)

99Haints said:


> I've never experienced the sort of alien, impersonal feelings associated with being objectified. *The girl I'm dating now likes to do these sort of extensive easter egg hunts all over me for fatty handfuls.* (It's a rigged game.) It's not particularly sensual, and doesn't require my participation, but I love to watch her have her fun, and I don't think about what parts of me are going unappreciated or ignored. But then again, my chub is pretty much the off button to my brain, so I become..like..putty...in..her...



OH, man that is a GREAT Description! I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, not exactly a turn on but hey its cute to watch their eyes roll in to the back of their head as the fat obsessing monster comes out. Further pushing them over the orgasmic threshold of Big Juicy Lovin' Fat Lust....ahhhhh, good times, good times. :blush:




Isla620 said:


> ...So, my working theory at this point is that objectification is less of an issue for men than women, and even less of an issue for BHMs.
> 
> ...I also think men are much more threatened by _non-physical_ objectification -- being used for their money, their social status, their connections, etc.



Yeah, don't get me wrong I am still weary of being objectified in a serious relationship that is why I analyze the "Why is she here question" until I feel comfortable I have my answer.

I experienced a heavy amount of what your talking about in my early 20's. It was not always just physical objectification. Intense physical objectification is/was so much easier to spot. Like I said it can create some serious awkward moments because women tend to just not speak, constantly touch, and almost drool on ya, I've had this go on for hours a night. So, it got kinda weird. I guess the real truth is its not a big deal when you are as equally into the other person.

The other kind of objectification is a lot harder to spot. Almost more heart breaking. I will admit that I am very stingy with money now days when it comes to dating. There was a time I would spoil a woman. A few times I got crushed when, behind the girls back it was reviled to me her behavior was not typical normal behavior around me, and she was just trying to impress me because she knew my father was a millionaire. One women went as far as using her son as a pawn in the game because she knew I loved kids and wanted a big family. Its just not fun when your tossing your heart in there for a real relationship and that is not what the other person is wanting.

So yep, take time, and give it time. Let it work itself out to the level it really is before you go all in.


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## rockabelly (Feb 1, 2010)

I think our objectifying others is "hard wired" into our DNA. To deny what we are is an exercise in futility. Shakespeare said "this above all: to thine own self be true." All we can do is to realize this happens and to TRY and screen out the shallow people before we fall in love.

This too is an exercise in futility because no matter what we say or think, we have NO control over who we love or don't love.

Maybe we should just enjoy being in the moment and realize that there is never a guarantee for life. Nothing is promised other than our eventual demise. If we live in the NOW and appreciate the beauty of today, maybe... just maybe, we can experience true happiness.

If a women objectifies me, I would be grateful for the female attention and objectify her right back. We could objectify each other until one of us got bored and then moved on. (yet another natural part of life) That's just my two cents.

So if any FFA's wish to objectify me, I'll even send you pictures or turn on my web cam. All for free! Watch my belly jiggle and dance for your pleasure.

Was that out loud?


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## RJI (Feb 2, 2010)

I don't know many men who wouldn't mind being objectified at least for a short period of time especially since there are few ffa's to bhm's out there as opposed to the large amount of fa's to bbw ratio. 

I also find most women need to have some type of emotional attachment to a man before they engage in "relations" where most men will hit anything with a pulse so i just don't see many ffa's being as objective towards a bigger person compared to a fa.


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## nrj1986 (Feb 2, 2010)

Personally I think that it can be a really cool feeling to be objectified from time to time. Actually objectification is probably not that far away from having your body admired. So who wouldn't want that?
I admit that the objectification shouldn't go to far and dominate the relationship (unless maybe it's a purely sexual one) but if it happens sometimes it seems alright to me.

Of course it's great if someone likes you for your sense of humor, personality, intellignece etc. but especially as a BHM it's great if someone is crazy over your body for a change. It feels absolutely awesome if a girl thinks your body is hot and tells/shows you that.

Just my 2 cents...


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## escapist (Feb 2, 2010)

I have a hard time beliving a lot of the guys here saying I'm cool with being objectified. If you look at the definition of objectification: 

_"The term may also be applied to a person, in which case it refers to regarding or treating the person as 'a thing' or object, separate from their personal attributes or characteristics. For example, sexual objectification refers to regarding or treating a person as merely a non-human object, or tool, for sex - sometimes described "as a means to an end"._ 

I just don't think its what people really want. Sure it can be fun from time to time. However, I doubt many men really wanted to be treated the same way a woman regards a "personal massaging device" when its with someone have a strong attraction for and a desire to create a more intimate relationship. Most guys seem to say they are cool with it, because they hope in the end it can/will transition over to a more meaningful relationship. You really have to be in a secure place of non-neediness to truly be cool with it, and if you are I doubt objectification is something you would allow on a long term basis unless you have intimacy issues of your own and a total lack of concern for creating a real bond with a woman. 

I really have to assume the people who would be cool with it on a long term basis are coming from a place where its better than what they have right now. I'm just a fan of well rounded relationships. A bit of caring, a lot of love, and a dash of lust go a long way in having a lot of fun in life. The joy from sharing who you are and being seen for those attributes is so much more powerful than just being seen as a tool or a device as a means to an end.


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## nrj1986 (Feb 2, 2010)

I don't know if this is directed at me but as I said before I believe that the line between objectification and admiration can be quite thin. I agree that too much objectification in a serious relationship is probably unhealthy. But I still think that the feeling can sometimes be nice.

Nevertheless a love relationship should of course be a relationship between two subjects and not one subject and one object.
So if you have a strict definiton of objectification like the one escapist brought up I agree that almost nobody would want that. But I think there is nothing wrong if one partner is hugely into the others body...


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## escapist (Feb 2, 2010)

nrj1986 said:


> I don't know if this is directed at me but as I said before I believe that the line between objectification and admiration can be quite thin. I agree that too much objectification in a serious relationship is probably unhealthy. But I still think that the feeling can sometimes be nice.
> 
> Nevertheless a love relationship should of course be a relationship between two subjects and not one subject and one object.
> So if you have a strict definiton of objectification like the one escapist brought up I agree that almost nobody would want that. But I think there is nothing wrong if one partner is hugely into the others body...



Yeah don't forget I previously said: _"I think once a relationship progresses to a deeper level having moments of pure physical attraction are totally healthy and normal as long as you come back to the reality of the caring relationship."_


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## chicken legs (Feb 2, 2010)

LOL..no he isn't directing it to you (nrj1986), because I pretty much objectified my ex for about 10 years. I didn't care for his personality enough to engage in a full on relationship but I liked fucking him. I like the monogamous sex and I liked being single. 

I have always had lovers and guy-friends, and never mixed the two. Reality is, Escapist is my first attempt at having a boyfriend and believe me.. it was his idea...but it was a good idea. Previous to Escapist, I never liked a guy physcially and mentally enough to try a full on relationship. I was used to being a free-range chicken.. I'm so glad he is patient...hehe..because it took me a while to understand being friends with someone I was intimate with.

The thing is ..(due to womens rights being practiced here)...women today have more freedom to openly objectify men for their bodies because we have our own money and status vs. objectifing them for their financial portfolio or social status.


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## kinkykitten (Feb 2, 2010)

escapist said:


> OH, man that is a GREAT Description! I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, not exactly a turn on but hey its cute to watch their eyes roll in to the back of their head as the fat obsessing monster comes out. Further pushing them over the orgasmic threshold of Big Juicy Lovin' Fat Lust....ahhhhh, good times, good times. :blush:



:bow::bow:


My husband often says "My face is up here" 
I'm like... oh yeah, forget you have a face sometimes  
But, in all seriousness, I do adore and love him for who he is, not just the belly he has  But I do feel a bit bad as I feel I treat him like an object when I randomly grab a few handfulls, rub and massage his flab all the time.. I just can't help myself :blush:


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## Jackoblangada (Feb 2, 2010)

Ill fess up, I've loved it. After so many years of being looked at with revulsion and starting to date FFA's was awesome. 

I love that glazed in their eyes when you pull off your shirt and you see shock, wanton lust, overwhelming need...watching the in-experienced ones reaching out tentatively for the first time to touch the fat and the way their entire posture change as soon as their fingers sink in.
I love the way you can catch them staring at you when they think you aren't looking or if your lucky your can catch them touching themselves a bit as they stare...

Don't get me wrong I am all for a deeply emotional, intellectual and physical relationship. But i wouldn't give up having been a big fat hunk of Kobe beef level man meat for anything.:eat2:


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## StarWitness (Feb 2, 2010)

Hm. I have to agree with Escapist, I'm a little skeptical.

Allow me to rephrase: at what point, for you, does a sexual partner's lust become objectification? Or, at least, when would it start to make you uncomfortable? FFAs, do you feel you've ever crossed a line in terms of your attraction to a fat guy?


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## escapist (Feb 2, 2010)

Jackoblangada said:


> Ill fess up, I've loved it. After so many years of being looked at with revulsion and starting to date FFA's was awesome.
> 
> I love that glazed in their eyes when you pull off your shirt and you see shock, wanton lust, overwhelming need...watching the in-experienced ones reaching out tentatively for the first time to touch the fat and the way their entire posture change as soon as their fingers sink in.
> I love the way you can catch them staring at you when they think you aren't looking or if your lucky your can catch them touching themselves a bit as they stare...
> ...



Ok but like I said are you confusing Lust ("...a craving for sexual intercourse, sometimes to the point of assuming a self-indulgent or violent character.") with Objectification ("...treating a person as merely a non-human object, or tool, for sex...")? They are not the same thing.

To many people posting here seem to be missing that point. Being lust over can be fun (from time to time). Being objectified is usually not as fun and your own personal thoughts or feelings are totally disregarded.


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## escapist (Feb 2, 2010)

StarWitness said:


> Hm. I have to agree with Escapist, I'm a little skeptical.
> 
> Allow me to rephrase: at what point, for you, does a sexual partner's lust become objectification? Or, at least, when would it start to make you uncomfortable? FFAs, do you feel you've ever crossed a line in terms of your attraction to a fat guy?



LOL it seems you and I were noticing the same error in understanding of the term. Like I said I've been objectified many times in the past. Because of that I learned early on how to defuse someones though processes and re-wire them via conversation. During this re-wiring I take the opportunity to inject my personality and add it to the feelings of desire so it becomes a more complete experience than just objectification. I do it very naturally now days with very little though involved. Half the time its the only way I can get women to actually talk and respond to me. I have to first switch off the part of the brain that is going crazy. Then re-integrate it with true attraction.


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## Jackoblangada (Feb 2, 2010)

Jeez, I'm sorry i forgot i was an idiot. There is a more fuzzy line than simple dictionary definitions.

Objectification does involve how the objectified takes it to some degree. I for one choose to take being taken as a no name piece of meat as fun. Simple no strings no conversation fun. 

Others would call that objectification. The classic booty call, is by definition objectification a "means to an end" as per your link. But here's the thing...if both people are achieving the desired end is it really objectification? I would say yes, but duel objectification.

But then again, I'm an idiot


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## stldpn (Feb 3, 2010)

Well, it's funny, my first experience was with an ffa that ended up only being interested in my fat. And honestly I don't really see it as being any different than any other relationship I've ever been in. For me the start of a relationship is always very physically driven, if she doesn't offer me anything interesting to look at physically I'm not likely to ask her out. 

The women I dated before I dated my first out of the closet ffa may not have been into belly play, but they almost always found me somewhat physically attactive. And whether it was my eyes, or my arms that they liked, the strength of the physical always progressed into a desire to know who I was as a person. If they found out they didn't like me as a person or we weren't compatible the relationship ended. 

The only difference with my first ffa was that the physical attraction to my body was a bigger draw and seemed to be the main focus for longer. The relationship ended when the lust ran out, just like it would have if I'd been a 180lb underwear model that she had nothing in common with.


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## IszyStone (Feb 3, 2010)

I don't think I've ever objectified someone. Of course I'm not experienced, but even so, for me I have to have somekind of personality click to really like someone. Or they'll just be something to look at and say "mmmmmmmmmmmmm," but never know that they're being "mmmmmmmmmm'd" at.


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## escapist (Feb 3, 2010)

Jackoblangada said:


> Jeez, I'm sorry i forgot i was an idiot. There is a more fuzzy line than simple dictionary definitions.
> 
> Objectification does involve how the objectified takes it to some degree. I for one choose to take being taken as a no name piece of meat as fun. Simple no strings no conversation fun.
> 
> ...



I only an idiot would call another person an idiot so do not think I would assume to do so.

I do however have no issues with pointing out a logic error.

There is no fuzzy line.

According to the definition of Objectification, point of view of objectification is only dependant upon the objectifier (the person creating the objective form). Truely it is a question of did the objectifier give objective for. Which requires a yes or no answer. There is no "kind of" answer, they either did, or did not.

It is an on or off, true or false statement, solely dependent upon the view of the person doing the objectifying. A person my feel objectified, but they are only truly objectified if someone is doing objectifying. Feeling objectified can be true without the actual objectification taking place by the other party. It however does not make the objectification itself true. A party may be objectified and have no issue with it. This does not remove the fact of objectification is taking place within the dynamic of the situation.

Others can call it what they will, but only the actual objectifier can know for fact if objectification is taking place. Point of view and feelings from another party have no baring or factor in the logical equation of the true false question of, "Is objectification taking place?".

Both parties my have goals to be obtained from a sexual encounter this does not however require objectification to take place. The moment "personal attributes or characteristics" start to factor in you are no longer fully being treated as an inhuman object. Example, "Oh yeah, I was cool with it. He/She had a hot body, and well (he/she) was pretty cool too.". I myself have had a few women request I impregnate them. Some may call that a means to an end, but I know I was selected not just for my looks but my personality traits as well. They were not looking for relationships, courting, or anything like that. Just impregnation. Even so, I know many of my personal attributes were being taken into consideration.

(My apology for the geek moment. Can anybody guess what my degree is in? lol)


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## Melian (Feb 3, 2010)

StarWitness said:


> Hm. I have to agree with Escapist, I'm a little skeptical.
> 
> Allow me to rephrase: at what point, for you, does a sexual partner's lust become objectification? Or, at least, when would it start to make you uncomfortable? FFAs, do you feel you've ever crossed a line in terms of your attraction to a fat guy?



Nah, I don't feel I've ever crossed the line. Some guys have gotten angry with me for liking their fat, but it wasn't about objectification - it's just that they didn't like to be reminded in any way that they were fat. Also, I'm not highly sexual, so I can turn it off if I feel like I'm making the guy feel uncomfortable (and his discomfort is a huge turn off....so I wouldn't have to try very hard to calm down).


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## Tad (Feb 3, 2010)

lovelocs said:


> I think for the rest of male humanity, there is the opposite: a starvation for being physically appreciated.



Starvation might be over-stating it a bit, but I'd agree with the general sentiment. I'd say at least three-quarters of the guys I know can get pretty blown away by any simple amount of physical appreciation. Even those in solid relationships, as GFs/wives tend not to lay on a lot of physical appreciation once the early twitterpated phase is done (I think it is mostly a wiring thing, that they just aren't focused on the physical much after a while), and I don't know about women but guys don't stop hoping for good feedback from others just because they are in a relationship.

There are some guys who get physical feedback more regularly (the truly gorgeous, the unusually tall, and the especially muscular probably more often than others), but for most the sitcom stereotype of a guy being told that a woman is checking him out resulting in him acting totally weird and goofy is more true than not--it is unusual enough not to be wasted, and unusual enough that they don't know what to do.

As for my part, when I hit forty a couple of years ago I decided to do my best to give up on vanity, and have slowly come to care less what others think of my looks--to my much greater happiness and peace of mind, but it would still be nice. I guess it could be compared to giving up chocolate, it isn't that you'll starve without it, it is just that there is nothing else quite like it.


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## escapist (Feb 3, 2010)

Tad, I'll say this about getting noticed and appreciated. I think a lot more of it is mindset than people realize. I've had phases where I'm covered in it. I've had phases were I was almost invisible. Only after my 30's do I realize I was the key factor. I believe I was sub-communicating my openness to attention and affection. At first I didn't realize what it was, how for day's on end every woman and her grandma was hitting on me, then nothing...I would put on the same clothes, have the same hair, and trinkets on that women would make opening comments to me with the it dawned on me. It was me. 

I'm not talking just wanting it. Thats not what draws the attention. You have to be in a state where your positive up, and just feeling like the world is yours. Sounds crazy but thats what always worked for me.

I love the dynamic of it being so common that most guys want slobbering attention it can really make you stand out and create more attraction when you aren't crazy needy for attention. Giving the guy the upper hand in making it a fun teasing game of giving her permissions to touch you hehehe.


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## Tad (Feb 3, 2010)

escapist said:


> Tad, I'll say this about getting noticed and appreciated. I think a lot more of it is mindset than people realize. I've had phases where I'm covered in it. I've had phases were I was almost invisible. Only after my 30's do I realize I was the key factor.



Not disagreeing, just saying that most guys don't get a lot of physical attention, although they may want it at some level. They may well be working to cut it off at other levels. There can be all sorts of things at work, from simple insecurity to sub-concious "pack-positioning" to internalized ideas about 'what a guy does' to who knows what else.


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## 99Haints (Feb 4, 2010)

QUOTE=escapist;1378545]OH, man that is a GREAT Description! I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, not exactly a turn on but hey its cute to watch their eyes roll in to the back of their head as the fat obsessing monster comes out. Further pushing them over the orgasmic threshold of Big Juicy Lovin' Fat Lust....ahhhhh, good times, good times. :blush:[/QUOTE]

Why thanks! That is a nice bonus of being objectified: the fly on the wall perspective.




StarWitness said:


> at what point, for you, does a sexual partner's lust become objectification? Or, at least, when would it start to make you uncomfortable?



I've never been made to feel uncomfortable with it, but then, there's not enough of me to be the object of that kind of completely fat absorbed attention. (At least I don't think so). If a girl wanted to do something I couldn't relate to at all, say like hang a singing fish off my belly-I'd feel a little anonymous. Bringing up Ed Gein or Albert Fish during a fat squeezing session-also a dealbreaker. Hanging a singing Albert Fish off my belly...well, let's see how it goes.


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## TraciJo67 (Feb 4, 2010)

escapist said:


> I myself have had a few women request I impregnate them. Some may call that a means to an end, but I know I was selected not just for my looks but my personality traits as well. They were not looking for relationships, courting, or anything like that. Just impregnation. Even so, I know many of my personal attributes were being taken into consideration.


 
Wow, Escapist. Good thing that you're not a horse then, coz otherwise they'd just lead you to the prized mare and force you to mount her (I was just reading Moore's recent response in the 'sicko' thread when I stumbled into this thread ).

RE: Objectification itself ... I have often wondered why women chafe so much at it, but men don't seem to mind as much. I have to admit, I've always assumed that it's because women don't tend to _overtly _size up the package, so to speak.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Feb 4, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> RE: Objectification itself ... I have often wondered why women chafe so much at it, but men don't seem to mind as much. I have to admit, I've always assumed that it's because women don't tend to _overtly _size up the package, so to speak.



I often wonder this too...and actually, while in a course on gender and sexuality, we touched on this subject. The only thing I could come up with was the fact that women's sexuality "traditionally" is based on the female being an object. The object of affection...the object of attraction...etc., etc., etc.

However, there are differing schools of thought on how women can gain control of this "traditional" role/viewpoint. Either fully embrace it as an acceptable role and use it as a position of power, or fully reject it and not allow for objectification in the least. 

As for my own thoughts, I have no idea how it should be or can be approached. But I think there can be a combination of the two, but it takes a good amount of security...I think. Maybe not though, sometimes I ramble on, make absolutely no sense, and am full of shit.


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## Brooklyn Red Leg (Feb 4, 2010)

Wanderer said:


> I think I could stand to be objectified... at least for a while.
> 
> (goes back to his lonely bed)



Yea, same here. Of course, people sometimes view you as a slimeball cause you think a little 'meaningless' sex every now and then is fun (of course, is there really anything to the term 'meaningless sex'?).


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## escapist (Feb 4, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> Wow, Escapist. *Good thing that you're not a horse then, coz otherwise they'd just lead you to the prized mare and force you to mount her* (I was just reading Moore's recent response in the 'sicko' thread when I stumbled into this thread ).
> 
> RE: Objectification itself ... I have often wondered why women chafe so much at it, but men don't seem to mind as much. I have to admit, I've always assumed that it's because *women don't tend to overtly size up the package, so to speak.*



#1 I would think its a trick to lead me to the glue factory.

#2 I think you missed my other post because it happened to me A LOT, and no I didn't care for it much. Maybe I'm the odd one for attempting to keep it from getting to excessive.


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## jdwhitak (Feb 4, 2010)

I guess I'm shallow. I wouldn't mind be objectified for a change


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## siren_ (Feb 5, 2010)

Isla620 said:


> Admittedly, I don't have very many data points, but these have been the past results of my oh-so-scientific investigation into the matter:
> 
> Me: "You understand I don't just want you for your body, right?"
> BHM: *laughing fit*
> ...




I think this sums it up beautifully. To tell you the truth, I always felt kinda bad or guilty that I'd make a BHM feel objectified. But now that I know you guys don't really feel that way and perhaps relish the attention, I don't feel bad anymore. As long as you love someone for more than their appearance, than I suppose a little body lust can't hurt from time to time.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Feb 5, 2010)

siren_ said:


> I think this sums it up beautifully. To tell you the truth, I always felt kinda bad or guilty that I'd make a BHM feel objectified. But now that I know you guys don't really feel that way and perhaps relish the attention, I don't feel bad anymore. As long as you love someone for more than their appearance, than I suppose a little *body lust* can't hurt from time to time.



hahaha, body lust. I don't know why I find that term hilarious.


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## TraciJo67 (Feb 5, 2010)

escapist said:


> #1 I would think its a trick to lead me to the glue factory.
> 
> #2 I think you missed my other post because it happened to me A LOT, and no I didn't care for it much. Maybe I'm the odd one for attempting to keep it from getting to excessive.


 
No, I didn't read the entire thread. I caught your comments about random women asking that you impregnate them, and wanted to comment on that. I should have been clearer that my #2 point was generally addressed to anyone.


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## escapist (Feb 5, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> No, I didn't read the entire thread. I caught your comments about random women asking that you impregnate them, and wanted to comment on that. I should have been clearer that my #2 point was generally addressed to anyone.



I never said random. One of them I've known for the better part of 15 years. Like I said, I knew it wasn't objectification because it was specifically for my personality traits and other attributes.

Cause yeah, if it was random, that would be freaking weird!


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## TraciJo67 (Feb 5, 2010)

escapist said:


> I never said random. One of them I've known for the better part of 15 years. Like I said, I knew it wasn't objectification because it was specifically for my personality traits and other attributes.


 
I don't think that's objectification, either. A little bit creepy, yeah (sperm bank, anyone?). But nowhere close to sneaking a very indiscreet peek up the back of yo' skirt, escapist .

BlueEyedBanshee: I understood and agree with your comments about striking a balance. Personally, I don't mind being objectified by men whom I'd also love to objectify. Does that make me a bloody hypocrite? Well, yeah. But I can live with it.

ETA: Just caught your ETA, escapist. That's a different story altogether, you're right.


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 5, 2010)

I'm not really sure there is even a working definition of objectify. I definitely don't think it has to equal being mean, dishonest or manipulative; or have to equal exploitation. Assuming it means to see a fat guy as a sex object, that can be done just by checking out a video of a BHM actor or looking at a hot construction worker on the street. You're not harming those men at all and in the case of the actor he won't even know you're doing it. If you catcall at a fat construction worker and yell something appreciative, my guess is he's going to love the attention. 

Most fat guys in Western society don't ever have the experience of being lusted after for their bodies, so i'm thinking not only would they like it, but their experience is obviously different from somebody like Halle Berry or Megan Fox who are seen as conventionally good looking and probably on the receiving end of that kind of attention too often.

If you perceive a partner as a sex object while sharing your own body with him, i can't see anything wrong with that, as it's going to be an equal situation. If this was a case where you just wanted to fuck a hot fat guy but were dishonest about it knowing he might not do it without other elements there, that would be wrong but I think that falls more under dishonesty than objectification.


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## escapist (Feb 5, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> I don't think that's objectification, either. A little bit creepy, yeah (sperm bank, anyone?). But nowhere close to sneaking a very indiscreet peek up the back of yo' skirt, escapist .
> 
> BlueEyedBanshee: I understood and agree with your comments about striking a balance. Personally, *I don't mind being objectified by men whom I'd also love to objectify*. Does that make me a bloody hypocrite? Well, yeah. But I can live with it.
> 
> ETA: Just caught your ETA, escapist. That's a different story altogether, you're right.



I think that is the main point, most people seem to be making (even if they arn't saying it like that). There are just some people that for whatever reason wouldn't creep you out if they did it. My only point to add to that was for me, I just don't like it to continue very long.


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Feb 5, 2010)

TraciJo67 said:


> BlueEyedBanshee: I understood and agree with your comments about striking a balance. Personally, I don't mind being objectified by men whom I'd also love to objectify. Does that make me a bloody hypocrite? Well, yeah. But I can live with it.



Nah I don't think that makes you a hypocrite at all...I think it just makes ya human...you are human right?  

In all honesty thinking about it all makes my head start spinning, I just know there are times when I have to back off making pervy comments to my guy because I can see it's making him uncomfortable. Doesn't mean I don't think pervy things. 

I think that's where the balance comes in as well, it's the respect of one's partner, or potential partner. If you can see that they're uncomfortable with it, maybe it's a good indication to tone it down a bit?


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## BubbleButtBoy (Feb 5, 2010)

Despite the fact that I do enjoy the acknowledgement of the gigantic elephant in the room (the objectification), one has to accept the fact that it's not going to change anytime soon.
As long as the internet remains anonymous, there's no consequences for one's [legal] behavior... and humanity knows that a lack of consequences leads to a lack of discretion.

Now, even if there was some pan-global dictatorship that was able to restrict the behavior of people on the net, objectification would still occur, but in a more subversive sense (which in my opinion, is infinitely more creepy than the blatant). 

In any case, the objectification of people ( in this case, BBW's/BHM's) is what inexorably and immutably drives the fanbase for this ( and similar) site: Ignoring the true members of the community, there are thousands of lurkers/ one-time-posters that merely wish to get a rise out of ogling people.


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## MaybeX (Feb 14, 2010)

Don't mind being an object of lust. 
Remaining being an object, with no actual attraction to, or recognition of who I really am? 
That's more than a little creepy, to me.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 14, 2010)

MaybeX said:


> Don't mind being an object of lust.
> Remaining being an object, with no actual attraction to, or recognition of who I really am?
> That's more than a little creepy, to me.



I think that's a good way to put it- being lusted after is a lot different than being objectified, IMO.
Lust acknowledges a sexual desire for a human being.....objectification is about body parts and selfish need.


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## Wanderer (Feb 14, 2010)

I suppose it boils down to this:

Those with extensive experience of being objectified don't like it much.

Those with little or no experience in being objectified would like more.

It's really a matter of "the grass is always greener"; after all, nobody *really* appreciates being treated as an object. The lonelier ones here (me among them) are just willing to take some physical appreciation any way we can get it.


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## That Guy You Met Once (Mar 3, 2010)

Please do it. Now.

(As long as you're at least a decent person when it comes to personality, and can hold a conversation with me on non-sexual matters.)


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