# Trying to love a body you're told is wrong...



## Kawaii Pudding (Mar 6, 2015)

_I know I've come a long way from where I was 10 years ago. At age 15 I was a size 14/16 and hated my body and hated myself around that same time of my self hating on a body I felt like I was cursed with, my mother who was my rock, my confident plus size champion at the size of 22/24, decided on weight loss surgery and began to make me look at my body even more negatively and though our stories are different I've heard many people of many sizes say they've hated their bodies so I'm asking you all how you have learned to love your body over the years. at the age of 25 I am a size 18/20 and I have some days where I look in the mirror and love what I see but that is quickly crushed the minute I walk out the door. I literally had a man, a construction worker, instead of "catcalling" which is rude enough MOO AT ME in the middle of my town square. Is there something you internally tell yourself? Was that self love always something you had? Was it a romance? was it just maturing and growing up? what motivates you to look and the mirror. smile. and say "damn...I'm beautiful"? :blush:
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## user 57017 (Mar 6, 2015)

Kawaii Pudding said:


> _I know I've come a long way from where I was 10 years ago. At age 15 I was a size 14/16 and hated my body and hated myself around that same time of my self hating on a body I felt like I was cursed with, my mother who was my rock, my confident plus size champion at the size of 22/24, decided on weight loss surgery and began to make me look at my body even more negatively and though our stories are different I've heard many people of many sizes say they've hated their bodies so I'm asking you all how you have learned to love your body over the years. at the age of 25 I am a size 18/20 and I have some days where I look in the mirror and love what I see but that is quickly crushed the minute I walk out the door. I literally had a man, a construction worker, instead of "catcalling" which is rude enough MOO AT ME in the middle of my town square. Is there something you internally tell yourself? Was that self love always something you had? Was it a romance? was it just maturing and growing up? what motivates you to look and the mirror. smile. and say "damn...I'm beautiful"? :blush:
> _



Some people will always be jerks. Always. It sucks, it really does. I had one guy tell me I needed to invest in some Twinkie flavored Slimfast while I was at a red light in my car. He couldn't even see my whole body! :doh: I think a lot of bigger women (and men!) have their jerkface stories. It'll never stop unfortunately.

So, you're right, the next step is some self lovin'! Mine started because of a failed romance with someone I met from online who turned out to not like big women so much. So it was that rejection that fueled the fire to find men that would accept me the way I was physically and mentally. I joined many BBW/SSBBW and Fat Acceptance sites (including here!). Personally, it really makes me feel good and beautiful when I get that feedback from others. I don't know, maybe it's shallow, but before I never had that. Ever. So it was like, sunshine and rainbows and lollipops raining down from the heavens to hear that. It didn't always stick unfortunately, but it helped me learn to accept my body over time. It's still an ongoing process for me (at 28 years old). 

I recently gravitated towards Body Acceptance books. There aren't a lot out there that I've found as of yet, but there are a few and some have been really helpful and encouraging and most importantly very thought provoking on society's ideal and obsession of slenderness.

It's different for everybody, but for me it has been a combination of others and my own determination. I wish you the best of luck with however you find a way to love your body.


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## Fat.n.sassy (Mar 12, 2015)

Hi Kawaii Pudding! What a dink that guy was that 'mooed' at you. I can think of a couple of sarcastic quips but no one should HAVE to. As a society, in the US and Western culture, it seems we are 'programmed' from a very young age to believe that beautiful is what the media brings us. I'm 52 and remember growing up in the 60s, 70s and 80s. There was a model called "Twiggy"; it was that era's image of the Kate Moss/Anorexic Look. We are made to feel as though we must aspire to look like _this_ and if we _fail_ we are fair game for ridicule.  Realizing that this _programming_ IS only that - _programming_ (otherwise propaganda) we, have to begin to relearn what reality looks.  That being said, it is sometimes hard to begin. One way I began was to look at myself in the mirror and smile at myself, just the way I would to any other person I cared about, and say something like, "Hi! I'm glad to see you!" or "Wow! You look happy!"... It sounded fake at first but I found that I began to love that reflection and grew to anticipate nice things I could say to her/me the next time I was at the mirror. All my best to you!! <3


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## BigCutieClementine (Mar 13, 2015)

Ugh, what a turd! I wish I would've been there so I could've mooed back at the construction worker and charge at them!!!! 

I agree with fat.n.sassy- we have to begin to relearn what reality looks like. That's so well stated. 

So much of our lives we're told what we SHOULD look like. And at some point you just gotta start checking the facts. WHY do you THINK you SHOULD look like that? Where did you learn that? And is it TRUE... or is it just some bullshit that society has made you believe? So when you think "ugh my thighs are awful!!!" try and ask yourself "Is that TRUE? or is that just a judgement I'm making on myself because of what I've been taught?". You quickly start to realize how rarely your negative self talk is true. And when you start to realize all the mean things you think about yourself aren't true it becomes a lot easier to believe the nice things you think about yourself!!! 

Another thing that helped me a LOT was to realize my value as a whole human being. My body is going to change throughout my life. I will lose and gain weight. I will likely get wrinkled and my hair will turn grey. Bodies CHANGE, so some times it's hard to like something about yourself cause there's the ever looming fear that it won't always look that way and then you've learned to love something that's going to change OMG hahaha! But, you know what doesn't change about me? I am goofy. I love to laugh. I try to be compassionate. I am pretty good at letting people see me cry. And I started to really value those things about myself. Because, as much as my body changes, those things don't. And finding value in who I am, rather than what I look like made me realize that no matter what I look like I'm an amazing human being!!! 

ok ok ok... I could go on. But I won't! Your worth is immense and you are beautiful and it's really hard to learn how to love yourself, but you can totally get there! And as long as you're on the path to loving yourself you're WAY further ahead than most people


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## ReneeD70 (Mar 15, 2015)

I could write a book on the ways I've been insulted due to my weight, but rather than focusing on that (and oh boy have I!), I'm trying to focus on the ones who still accept,
love, even admire me as I am now. It ain't easy. It's hard to accept yourself when you're not the norm of society. Let's all try together tho


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## superodalisque (Mar 15, 2015)

I never had a problem with my own personal image. I never felt bad about myself from the inside. my intuition said I was meant to be here the way that I was. my mom and sister always tried to pressure me but even then I guess I was an old soul. I saw an insecure girl older than me and a woman with a bad marriage who was always pissed off about little things that didn't count instead of doing something about the big stuff -- like her marriage. 

they tried to make what they said about me true but it was all disproved by how I was treated in the outside world. I think it was because I came from an area where people were polite and didn't talk about women's bodies in some proprietary way. and I noticed the people who did were outsider jackasses and no one should take a human jackass seriously. 

I was too busy being me and getting what I wanted out of life to be all that concerned about naysayers. I had my friends. I had people who liked how I looked and the one's who didn't, liked me enough at the didn't feel it was their business to say. 

i'm not saying things were perfect but they were normal. they were normal because I felt normal. I felt human. I felt befriended and loved. the rest I ignored because there was nothing I could do. 

i'm glad that somehow I started doing that early. i'm not quite sure why. but it has helped me a lot not to be destroyed by what some damaged person has to say about me. because you have to be damaged to be going around trying to destroy other people. I just don't take that into myself. it has nothing to do with me.


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## Kawaii Pudding (Mar 15, 2015)

I love what you all had to say about this it has helped a lot, I've internalized a lot of people's negative feelings about me not just my body but ME as a person. I guess I have always looked up to my mom and have always wanted to make her proud and though I feel I did in many areas I felt like my body was the biggest disappointment and not only that but "it would be the hardest to change" even to the point I was going to get gastric bypass to make her proud of me but I think you are all very right this is who I am outside and in. It's a struggle but I know the growth will be worth it. 

I'm not only asking this question for me but asking for...honestly anyone who isn't comfortable in their own skin bigger or otherwise who needs steps to learn to love themselves and REALLY love themselves not put on a brave face and internally cry like I did for many years so I thank you all very much in helping me say to everyone that it gets better and once you have that self love you won't ever let anyone change that


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