# wannabe BBW - conflicted



## sassysteph (Mar 23, 2011)

I found this site about 6 weeks ago and have been lurking every day since. I guess I'm obsessed with reading stories (true or fiction) about weight gain. 

A few weeks ago, hubby and I were getting ready to go on a 7-day cruise and I decided that I was going to enjoy my vacation and eat... and eat... and eat. On that day I weighed 132lbs. I am 5'-2" so I was not super-thin, but not overweight either. By the time we got on the ship, I was up to 135lbs. Over the next week, I over-ate at every opportunity and added another 12lbs. In the 10 days since we've been back, I have slowed down some, but am now tipping the scales at 151lbs. That's almost 20lbs in less than 4 weeks! 

I am enjoying some of my new curves (LOVE how my butt feels when it jiggles!) but most of my new weight has gone to my tummy, making me look 5 months pregnant, which I don't particularlly like. Also, hubby won't say if he likes my body better now or not, if I bring it up, he just tells me that I worry too much. Also, I think our sex life is better, but I guess I could be imagining that!


So, how do u know if you are a BBW-to be, or just a confused chubby girl? I know I don't want to keep gaining quite as fast as I did on the cruise (over 1.5lbs per day!), but haven't really decided if I want to try to maintain where I am now, keep gaining, or try to get back to where I was! Of course, a week of non-stop eating wrecked havok with my appetite, making me hungry all the time, so I worry that maintaining or losing weight may not even be an option without some serious willpower!

The other thing is that I am a foodie (or maybe a feedie? not really sure what the difference is). Anyway, I LOVE FOOD! In fact, for the last 3 years or so, the only way I have been able to have an orgasm is to be eating or thing about fattening food during sex. What this means is that, any time I try to diet, I dread sex cuz I know I won't really enjoy it without thinking about the foods that I am not "allowed" to have.

I would love to hear other perspectives on my situation! Thanks!


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## bobsjers (Mar 24, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> I found this site about 6 weeks ago and have been lurking every day since. I guess I'm obsessed with reading stories (true or fiction) about weight gain.
> 
> A few weeks ago, hubby and I were getting ready to go on a 7-day cruise and I decided that I was going to enjoy my vacation and eat... and eat... and eat. On that day I weighed 132lbs. I am 5'-2" so I was not super-thin, but not overweight either. By the time we got on the ship, I was up to 135lbs. Over the next week, I over-ate at every opportunity and added another 12lbs. In the 10 days since we've been back, I have slowed down some, but am now tipping the scales at 151lbs. That's almost 20lbs in less than 4 weeks!
> 
> ...



Keep gaining in slow increments, and see how you like it.

But remember, that weight loss is near impossible, so make sure you are OK with your size as you gain.

From what I hear, fast gains usually end up in the belly. Beyond that, it is just genetic where the gain ends up.

Congratulations on your new curves. They sound very nice.


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## Luv2CUfeast (Mar 24, 2011)

The cruises I've been on have been amazing opportunities to overindulge. On some ships you can eat and drink nearly 24 hours a day. you board as a passenger and return as cargo! 

I did a 10 day cruise with Royal Carribbean a few years ago and gained 17 pounds - it was delightful. (Hey, you paid for the food - might as well take it home!)

Start planning your next cruise vacation and note which ones offer the midnight and chocholate buffets. Casually mention to your husband you'll want to shop for some new clothes a size or two larger so you can _really_ enjoy yourself this time. Observe his reaction, and you'll get all the indication you need to resolve your conflict! 

Bonus points if he says "Why wait for vacation?" and offers to take you out for dinner right then and there. 
:eat1:


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## sassysteph (Mar 24, 2011)

thanks for the responses so far! my cruise was also Royal Caribbean! we were on the Voyager of the Seas and they had a little cafe that was open 24hrs, which I made good use of! 

I guess I should have expected the extra weight to gather in my belly, since I gained it so fast... I wish I woulda thought of that before, but it probably wouldn't have changed anything.


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## bobsjers (Mar 24, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> thanks for the responses so far! my cruise was also Royal Caribbean! we were on the Voyager of the Seas and they had a little cafe that was open 24hrs, which I made good use of!
> 
> I guess I should have expected the extra weight to gather in my belly, since I gained it so fast... I wish I woulda thought of that before, but it probably wouldn't have changed anything.



How are the other women shaped in your immediate family? Even if they are size 4, you can probably tell from their chests and butts if they are shapely, or cylindrical shaped.

If you were programmed to be hourglass shaped, the weight will shift eventually.


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## TraciJo67 (Mar 24, 2011)

If he's anything like most men I know, he's going to hear "I want to spend money" as soon as she mentions larger clothing sizes.

She could, y'know, just ask him if he likes her with extra padding, without fishing around indirectly. 



Luv2CUfeast said:


> The cruises I've been on have been amazing opportunities to overindulge. On some ships you can eat and drink nearly 24 hours a day. you board as a passenger and return as cargo!
> 
> I did a 10 day cruise with Royal Carribbean a few years ago and gained 17 pounds - it was delightful. (Hey, you paid for the food - might as well take it home!)
> 
> ...


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## sassysteph (Mar 24, 2011)

I am going to respond to several posts at once, but using my phone, so I am not including quotes.

TracyJo - I did ask if he liked my body better now, or when I was thinner. Unfortunately, I have always been somewhat obsessed with weight and weight-loss (I am actually a recovering anorexic/bulemic) so he answers those types of questions in a very guarded manner... for instance "I think you are beautiful no matter what your size, I just want you to be happy."

On one hand, it's great that he says I'm beautiful regardless of size. On the other, if I can't get a strait answer, I have no way of knowing what he actually prefers. We have been together for 15 years. Short of him telling me that he liked the way I looked when I was harming myself, I would like to be as visually appealling to him as I can be. I guess I feel like I'm at a point right now where I can stop gaining if I want to, or I could continue to get bigger. I could probably even lose the weight if I chose to.

bobsjers - I am adopted and have never met my bio family. before now, I have always been "slightly" hourglass, but never had quite a narrow enough waist for that description to fit... but I'm not quite a box/cylinder either. I am hoping that the belly disipates a little and migrates to other regions... bigger boobs would be nice!


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## Tad (Mar 25, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> The other thing is that I am a foodie (or maybe a feedie? not really sure what the difference is). Anyway, I LOVE FOOD! In fact, for the last 3 years or so, the only way I have been able to have an orgasm is to be eating or thing about fattening food during sex. What this means is that, any time I try to diet, I dread sex cuz I know I won't really enjoy it without thinking about the foods that I am not "allowed" to have.



I think that paragraph speaks volumes about your sexuality. You say that over the past three years this has been necessary......did it start sort of out of the blue, or has that been part of how you've felt for a long time?

I guess what I'm getting at is that you probably need to do some navel gazing as we used to call it (sitting around, being introspective), and figure out what is what for you. For instance, if you got fatter and your husband was OK-ish with it but not crazy about it, would simply being that much bigger still be a turn on for you, or is being appreciated for being fatter key to you? How much is it about enjoying all the food you love, and how much about being fat? Do you have the discipline to stay active if you get bigger, or do you even want to? and so on. It is all stuff that only you can really answer.

In short, I'd worry less about what your husband feels, just for the moment, and spend more time being really clear about what you feel, what you need, and what you want. Once you are reasonably clear on that you'll be able to deal with whatever he feels more productively.

Good luck sorting through this, I sure know that it is not easy!


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## sassysteph (Mar 26, 2011)

Tad - wow, lots to ponder... you brought up some great points! as for the 3 years, that's how long ago I realized what was going on. after the birth of my 1st child 10yrs ago, my libido was VERY low. I made love to my hubby to satisfy his needs, but had no interest for myself. sometimes I'd allow my thoughts to wander... and every once in a while I would suddenly climax without knowing why. for a while I just assumed that he had hit that "magic spot"... then, shortly after my 2nd child was born, I realized that if I was thinking about food furing sex, I could reach climax. so I started doing that regularly (and intentionally). I can honestly say that our sex life has been better because of it. 

as for hubby just being OK-ish about my body, I don't think I'd be OK with that. I think I'd rather be thin (even if I have to deprive myself of my fave foods) than have him not be physically attracted to me. prob somewhat shallow of me, but it is what it is.

as for me, it is definitely more about the food than my body shape. I THINK I'm OK with getting fat, but that's mostly cuz getting fat means I can eat more. still trying to work it all out in my head. thanks to everyone for helping me to find the real issues!


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## strataadvance (Mar 27, 2011)

I do believe that most people who gain rapidly get the majority in the tummy.Not all(I have a person in my life who could gain very rapidly-and all over as well).But most who gain fast will get a big belly. I would propose this idea. Since your appetite is "ramped-up" right now-just go with that. Don't deprive yourself-even occaisionally when out to dinner you could even get stuffed. I think you would probably gain 20 more lbs. in 4 to 6 months. And then at your height you will be beyond chubby. Your weight-gain should settle-out over more of your body. And with a decidely different appearnce and "feel" of softness-I think your questions about your husband's true feelings will be known to you. He'll have to say something about a 40 lb gain in just over half a year. At 170 you will be maybe past getting back to 132 for a long while. But you could certainly start exercising and showing mild restraint and get to a chubby range in the 140's. That's my idea anyway.


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## sassysteph (Mar 28, 2011)

strataadvance said:


> I think you would probably gain 20 more lbs. in 4 to 6 months.



 LOL! It only took 4 weeks for me to gain the first 20! I'm betting that the next 20 will be here within the next 2 months if I allow it. Especially with my "ramped-up" appetite! :eat1:


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## Tad (Mar 29, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> as for me, it is definitely more about the food than my body shape. I THINK I'm OK with getting fat, but that's mostly cuz getting fat means I can eat more. still trying to work it all out in my head. thanks to everyone for helping me to find the real issues!



Well, to be technical, getting fat doesn't mean you can eat more, it is just evidence that you've been eating more  But I think I get what you mean....giving yourself permission to gain means you can eat as much as you want without the 'evidence' being a problem.

One thing to consider: the more physically active you are, the more you can eat without gaining. How would you feel about adding some light weights to your routine and maybe making time for some extra brisk walks or sessions at a pool, or something?


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## strataadvance (Mar 29, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> LOL! It only took 4 weeks for me to gain the first 20! I'm betting that the next 20 will be here within the next 2 months if I allow it. Especially with my "ramped-up" appetite! :eat1:



I was really speaking about the "mostly belly" gain from gaining 20 lbs. in 4 weeks. However You just gave me an idea.  Just keep enjoying as you are-see if you actually do gain 20 more in two months. You'll be nice and plump for the summer. Then you might gain 20 more in 4 months after that-or you might stay the same -or reduce. Just keep us posted though-ok?


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## sassysteph (Mar 30, 2011)

just went to the doctor to get antibiotics for my bronchitis. Of course, the customary weigh-in was the first stop. And, since the nurse had my chart with my weight in January listed as 130, she was VERY surprised when she had to bump the scale up over 150. First thing she asked when we got to the room was, "Are you pregnant?". 

I said, "No, I just gained a little weight on vacation." 

She laughed and said incredulously, "a LITTLE??? Miss, do you realize that you've gained over 20lbs in less than 2 months? That would be a lot even if you were pregnant!"

Me: "Aren't you supposed to be asking about my bronchitis symptoms and getting my vitals?". 

Nurse: "Your weight is part of your vitals."

Me: "RECORDING my weight is part of getting my vitals. Lecturing me about it and ignoring the issue I came in here for is NOT what you get paid for. If the doctor feels it's necessary to bring up my weight gain, I will discuss it with her."

Of course, the doc, who is a BBW herself, said NOTHING about my weight.


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## bobsjers (Apr 1, 2011)

Good for you. Some people think that health care professionals are God.

I had a dentist lecture me about my weight (I'm not even all that large). I also had a nurse practicioner give me a hard time.

Bob



sassysteph said:


> just went to the doctor to get antibiotics for my bronchitis. Of course, the customary weigh-in was the first stop. And, since the nurse had my chart with my weight in January listed as 130, she was VERY surprised when she had to bump the scale up over 150. First thing she asked when we got to the room was, "Are you pregnant?".
> 
> I said, "No, I just gained a little weight on vacation."
> 
> ...


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## LifeTraveller (Apr 2, 2011)

bobsjers said:


> Good for you. Some people think that health care professionals are God.
> 
> I had a dentist lecture me about my weight (I'm not even all that large). I also had a nurse practitioner give me a hard time.
> 
> ...


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## sassysteph (Apr 2, 2011)

I've never had a problem standing up to "health care professionals" cuz my mother was a nurse and she did all kinds of stupid stuff to me as a kid! When I was 5 she put me on the Grapefruit Diet for 2 months prior to starting kindergarten.


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## Tad (Apr 5, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> When I was 5 she put me on the Grapefruit Diet for 2 months prior to starting kindergarten.



:doh: that kind of defies words, so just :doh::doh::doh:


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## CastingPearls (Apr 5, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> I've never had a problem standing up to "health care professionals" cuz my mother was a nurse and she did all kinds of stupid stuff to me as a kid! When I was 5 she put me on the Grapefruit Diet for 2 months prior to starting kindergarten.


I feel your pain. When I was three my father told me if I didn't 'knock that weight off' (poking my belly) I'd never get married and have babies of my own. Three. Years. Old.

EDT: Oh and he never told me how I was supposed to do it either.


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## sassysteph (Apr 6, 2011)

my dad did that too... lots of nagging and teasing with no real information or help. of course mom was full of "helpful suggestions". In the 14 years I lived with her I was put on more diets than most people go on in their entire lives. she even had her doc prescribe phen-fen for her and gave it to me... I think I was 13 or 14. she just couldn't stand it that I was not perfect.


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## bobsjers (Apr 6, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> my dad did that too... lots of nagging and teasing with no real information or help. of course mom was full of "helpful suggestions". In the 14 years I lived with her I was put on more diets than most people go on in their entire lives. she even had her doc prescribe phen-fen for her and gave it to me... I think I was 13 or 14. she just couldn't stand it that I was not perfect.



I know two people perrsonally who died from Fen/Phen. I can't understand someone putting a child's life in danger like that.


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## bobsjers (Apr 6, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> my dad did that too... lots of nagging and teasing with no real information or help. of course mom was full of "helpful suggestions". In the 14 years I lived with her I was put on more diets than most people go on in their entire lives. she even had her doc prescribe phen-fen for her and gave it to me... I think I was 13 or 14. she just couldn't stand it that I was not perfect.




I personally know two people who died from Fen/Phen. I can never understand how a parent could put a child's life in danger like that.


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## sassysteph (Apr 7, 2011)

in her defense... this was before the general public knew about the dangers of phen-fen and it was still being touted as the end-all-be-all diet drug. not saying that makes it OK... but I don't think she meant to hurt me. in her own sick mind, she thought that making me thin was going to make my life better, so she thought she was helping.


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## bobsjers (Apr 7, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> in her defense... this was before the general public knew about the dangers of phen-fen and it was still being touted as the end-all-be-all diet drug. not saying that makes it OK... but I don't think she meant to hurt me. in her own sick mind, she thought that making me thin was going to make my life better, so she thought she was helping.



I understand. But still giving adult drugs to kids is risky, and giving any prescription drug to another person can be risky.

I would be very leary about anything that is new. I personally can't understand why people want to be the first to try something new that can have unknown side effects. Maybe that is the pessimist in me. But let someone else try it. If it works, it will still be around in a year.

So, are you still filling out nicely?


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## sassysteph (Apr 8, 2011)

I am up to 157, so another 6lbs since starting this thread 2 weeks ago. Still no comment from hubby and I have pretty much stopped bringing it up cuz he seems to think that I'm talking about it cuz I'm upset about. 

I now only have 1 pair of work pants that are comfortable, and 2 that are tight, but usable. So, I am doing laundry all the time to try to keep the comfy pants clean at all times. I want to buy new ones, but nothing I try on works. I seem to have a size 8 ass and a size 10/12 waist. I'm still not 100% sure that I like the new me.


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## Weirdo890 (Apr 8, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> I am up to 157, so another 6lbs since starting this thread 2 weeks ago. Still no comment from hubby and I have pretty much stopped bringing it up cuz he seems to think that I'm talking about it cuz I'm upset about.
> 
> I now only have 1 pair of work pants that are comfortable, and 2 that are tight, but usable. So, I am doing laundry all the time to try to keep the comfy pants clean at all times. I want to buy new ones, but nothing I try on works. I seem to have a size 8 ass and a size 10/12 waist. I'm still not 100% sure that I like the new me.



I hope you can sort your feelings and find what you really want. IT would be nice to see what your husband thinks of this. Then you can discuss things and figure out a game plan. Forgive me if I'm being a busybody. I don't want to tell you how to live your life. :blush:


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## sassysteph (Apr 8, 2011)

Weirdo - I definitely do not think u r being a busybody. I came here looking for an outlet and advice... I have gotten both, and the advice so far has been much appreciated! I agree that I have to figure out how to talk to him about the weight issue... among other things. we are both notoriously bad at face-to-face communication... but he thinks it's childish to write letters/notes telling each other how we feel. I prefer that cuz it gives me a chance to filter... which I don't tend to do when I'm using my mouth. 

For now, I have decided to let my body decide for me. I am not purposely overeating like I did on vacation, but also not starving myself like I sometimes did before.


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## Weirdo890 (Apr 8, 2011)

sassysteph said:


> Weirdo - I definitely do not think u r being a busybody. I came here looking for an outlet and advice... I have gotten both, and the advice so far has been much appreciated! I agree that I have to figure out how to talk to him about the weight issue... among other things. we are both notoriously bad at face-to-face communication... but he thinks it's childish to write letters/notes telling each other how we feel. I prefer that cuz it gives me a chance to filter... which I don't tend to do when I'm using my mouth.
> 
> For now, I have decided to let my body decide for me. I am not purposely overeating like I did on vacation, but also not starving myself like I sometimes did before.



Well, I am sure you two can work this out. This can only make your marriage and relationship stronger. I wish you the best. Just be healthy and happy. :happy:


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## tjw1971 (Apr 14, 2011)

My previous g/f was only 5' tall, and found that most of her weight went to her belly no matter what, until she reached almost 170lbs. Above that, it finally started going to other places (boobs, butt and thicker thighs). So for a while, she thought she just looked "way too big" at 160-170. But now she discovered she had to reach 195-200 to get the big, proportional curves she was after. People barely notice her belly now, compared to her other "assets". It's just sort of hanging out there as a guarantee that the boobs really are "all natural", if anything. (I think her only issue at this point is still not being totally used to seeing the scale hit the 200lb. mark when she gets on.... She still has that mentality that nobody as short as her should see numbers like that on it. But she loves how it looks on her, and last I heard - she was starting to be ok with the idea of gaining another 20-25lbs. if it gets her up another bra size, or makes the "booty shelf" even bigger.)




sassysteph said:


> Weirdo - I definitely do not think u r being a busybody. I came here looking for an outlet and advice... I have gotten both, and the advice so far has been much appreciated! I agree that I have to figure out how to talk to him about the weight issue... among other things. we are both notoriously bad at face-to-face communication... but he thinks it's childish to write letters/notes telling each other how we feel. I prefer that cuz it gives me a chance to filter... which I don't tend to do when I'm using my mouth.
> 
> For now, I have decided to let my body decide for me. I am not purposely overeating like I did on vacation, but also not starving myself like I sometimes did before.


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