# Fat joke come backs



## thisgirl

Ok-- I think we need a list of "come backs" for a fat joke, fat comment, or fat hatin..... BRING IT ON!


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## Pscard

How about 'What is it you hate about yourself that makes you feel you need to insult fat people'?


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## RVGleason

I think if you're comfortable with your size, like BigWideLand is on the BHM board is, it's ok to make some fat jokes. All the BigWideLand cartoons I've done were based on his real posts which he enjoyed and approved.

I've done cartoon jokes on myself and Plumplin before, and we're both ok with it. I think the secret is to make the jokes fun & cute and not mean & cruel. 

RV :eat1: 

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## Grandi Floras

Well, I can loose weight but you can't change you're looks and at least Fat People are harder to Kidnap!​


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## Dr. Feelgood

I have always found that a five-second pause, followed by "Ah! Most amusing," delivered with a deadpan expression, usually leads to a change of subject.


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## Wild Zero

(Deer in the headlights look) Oh shit, I'm fat!? It just happened so quickly I never noticed!


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## Zoom

Punch in the face.


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## thisgirl

hahah- these are funny....

Let me just say-- for the record-- I just started these because I thought I would get some funny comments. I'm not going to be the lil girl who gets her feelings all hurt about this stuff.. this is totally just a thread to see how clever we all are (I know that we are!!!)

for me, my fav line is usually: you know ROVER, I may be chubby, but chubby can slim down-- but ugly just cant be fixed.


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## PamelaLois

At work once, an irate customer, who didn't get his way while trying to scam me, called me a "big fat ho" My comeback was "Hey!! I may be big and fat, but I am NOT a ho!!" He just stood there for a moment, then walked out. I love shuttin' up the jerks.


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## Shosh

PamelaLois said:


> At work once, an irate customer, who didn't get his way while trying to scam me, called me a "big fat ho" My comeback was "Hey!! I may be big and fat, but I am NOT a ho!!" He just stood there for a moment, then walked out. I love shuttin' up the jerks.




I would say "I am a Ho, but you aint gettin shit!!!" :smitten: 

Shosh


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## squurp

My favorite response is simply: "so what?" or "So, what IS your point?"

After all, most jokes revolve around us being called fat. And, hey we are. So, if someone calls us fat, so what? This often throws people off guard. If it doesn't and people come up with more crap, another response might be "well, obviously my fatness is a problem for you, and I can do nothing to help that. Its not a problem for me."

When people are into name calling it is about either 1) rattling you, or 2) building up their own ego. The above responses let them know you are not rattled, and throw back their intent to build their ego.


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## Shosh

I must say that comments regarding my weight used to bother me more than they do now. Since I have been posting here at Dimensions a strange thing has happened. I have actually started to celebrate being a chubster. 
I was out yesterday and it being spring here I decided that I wanted to wear a cute skirt and a nice top with short sleeves. My jiggly arms were on full display. That is a first for me. I actually felt wonderful.
Now if anybody wants to comment on my weight I am like "Yeah baby, come and have a squeeze of my tummy!" Juz representing for the fat chicks is all. 
We don't need a comeback for people ragging on us about our weight. I have learnt since being here, that we need to be at peace with ourself and radiate that outwardly and the rest will follow. 
Let others who want to speak hateful words get their own stomach in a twist.
This girl is marching out and letting it be. 
Susannah


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## ~da rev~

I always enjoy the classic 

"Fat can change, but ugly is forever"

You don't have to say ugly though. You can make it more personal.

"Fat can change, but you'll be alone forever"


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## Dr. Feelgood

This is a shameless hijack, but I'm genuinely curious: who actually _tells_ fat jokes? I have a strong suspicion that it is limited largely to the under-thirties, because I can't recall ever hearing anyone of my generation tell a joke like that.*


*Someone will probably object that most people of my generation have been dead for several years, but we keep up a lively correspondence on the ouija board. So there.


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## Dibaby35

Well 99% of the time someone trying to make me upset about my weight..its a man...so when some moo moo cow comment or joke comes up...I just turn and blow them a big wet kiss and flash the big smile...really it completely throws them off. They might go ewwww or something..but then im like..oh you knowwww you want some of this..LMAO Now at this point they are REALLY uncomfortable and leave..LOL

It's all about confidence


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## Shosh

Dibaby35 said:


> Well 99% of the time someone trying to make me upset about my weight..its a man...so when some moo moo cow comment or joke comes up...I just turn and blow them a big wet kiss and flash the big smile...really it completely throws them off. They might go ewwww or something..but then im like..oh you knowwww you want some of this..LMAO Now at this point they are REALLY uncomfortable and leave..LOL
> 
> It's all about confidence



Mate they want some! You are gorgeous. I was out at a pub a few nights ago and a man I was talking to told me in a nice way that I was too fat.  At first I was a bit taken aback but then I thought yay!!! 

Not a whole lotta FA's here.

Susannah


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## goofy girl

I know this is queer, and I get laughed at again when I walk away for saying it but it makes me feel better lol..I say "well, I might be fat but at least I'm not rude"...I know..lame, but like I said, it makes me feel better!


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## Lovelyone

after being called fat...

"I can see that you are overcome with jealousy...*hands them a candy bar*...here is how you get started on a sexy lush figure like mine." 
Smiles and walks away.


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## GWARrior

My friend in high school had a sweatshirt that said "Im fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet."

haha.

she was fat. and then she went on a diet of starvation and drugs... lost at least 30 lbs and realized me and our other close friend weren't good enough anymore.

*sigh*


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## thisgirl

That's halarious! I like these responses-- neeeeed more!!


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## Dibaby35

Susannah said:


> Mate they want some! You are gorgeous. I was out at a pub a few nights ago and a man I was talking to told me in a nice way that I was too fat.  At first I was a bit taken aback but then I thought yay!!!
> 
> Not a whole lotta FA's here.
> 
> Susannah



Thanks for the compliment!

Well I used to be alot heavier though for most of my life. So that's what I'm mostly taking my experiences from. But I'm still no barbie doll so yeah..don't get so much the jokes anymore..but not I'm just invisible..oh joy..lol and guys can be soo damn rude but I guess at least he told u in a nice way. We do all have our preferences..just wish there were more that like some meat..hehe


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## Shosh

Dibaby35 said:


> Thanks for the compliment!
> 
> Well I used to be alot heavier though for most of my life. So that's what I'm mostly taking my experiences from. But I'm still no barbie doll so yeah..don't get so much the jokes anymore..but not I'm just invisible..oh joy..lol and guys can be soo damn rude but I guess at least he told u in a nice way. We do all have our preferences..just wish there were more that like some meat..hehe


Look it was all gravy to be honest.
Yeah I used to be heavier too, and I am now a mid sized bbw. Guys here like em real skinny though. Bummer for them I guess.


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## Nose_body_knows

I have used many in my time like: 
if someone calls me fat I say "OK thanks for that, now tell me something I don't know"
or
"Well its quite likely that considering I am fat, that if I sit on you something will break"
or
"You must be mistaken, maybe its a trick of the light, or an optical illusion, or maybe you need glasses, or maybe your just an idiot."

I have often found that the best thing to do is just contradict everything they say, and they will get confused and frustrated, then leave.


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## terrific

I was in a grocery store when a little girl of maybe 8 or 9 years of age stood in front of me, pointing to my belly and bellowing loudly, "mom, that lady is *FAAAAAT!"* 

Without thinking of what I was going to do or say, I took a step closer to her and said *"YOU* have BROWN hair!" 

I continued with "Yes, I am fat and yes, you do have brown hair. There is nothing wrong with having brown hair and there isn't anything wrong with being fat. You have to be careful how you say something though, because saying something in a nasty way could really hurt someone's feelings. Do you understand?" 
Mouth agape, she nodded. I do think she understood.

I walked away. Many people heard me but I didn't look at them. 

I don't think she'll be doing that again.


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## troubadours

i like it.


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## xeillia

Zoom said:


> Punch in the face.



It is so tempting isnt it!


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## CuslonGodibb

Well said, Susannah! And the change you describe is just wonderful. Good work, girl! Keep celebrating "being a chubster" and be proud of yourself! Your posts tell me that you're a smart, sensitive and nice girl. A good example you are, so keep up the good work!  

/ CuslonGodibb



Susannah said:


> I must say that comments regarding my weight used to bother me more than they do now. Since I have been posting here at Dimensions a strange thing has happened. I have actually started to celebrate being a chubster.
> I was out yesterday and it being spring here I decided that I wanted to wear a cute skirt and a nice top with short sleeves. My jiggly arms were on full display. That is a first for me. I actually felt wonderful.
> Now if anybody wants to comment on my weight I am like "Yeah baby, come and have a squeeze of my tummy!" Juz representing for the fat chicks is all.
> We don't need a comeback for people ragging on us about our weight. I have learnt since being here, that we need to be at peace with ourself and radiate that outwardly and the rest will follow.
> Let others who want to speak hateful words get their own stomach in a twist.
> This girl is marching out and letting it be.
> Susannah


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## rabbitislove

As an FFA, people will make fun of me for being so skinny and dating fat guys. I usually will come back with:

Wow, my boyfriend is fat? Thanks for telling me! 

or

More cushion for the pushin' 

And if anyone calls me desperate I just say

"No I'm no desperate, I really *am* a chubby chaser.


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## CuslonGodibb

Well done of you, terrific! That's a good example of a constructive response, and when you say "I do think she understood", I have to agree with you. Unexpected things are often easier to remember, and I don't think that little girl expected you to react that way.  

/ CuslonGodibb



terrific said:


> I was in a grocery store when a little girl of maybe 8 or 9 years of age stood in front of me, pointing to my belly and bellowing loudly, "mom, that lady is *FAAAAAT!"*
> 
> Without thinking of what I was going to do or say, I took a step closer to her and said *"YOU* have BROWN hair!"
> 
> I continued with "Yes, I am fat and yes, you do have brown hair. There is nothing wrong with having brown hair and there isn't anything wrong with being fat. You have to be careful how you say something though, because saying something in a nasty way could really hurt someone's feelings. Do you understand?"
> Mouth agape, she nodded. I do think she understood.
> 
> I walked away. Many people heard me but I didn't look at them.
> 
> I don't think she'll be doing that again.


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## SilkyAngela

I'm not a fat ass. I'm FATASSTASTIC!


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## mimosa

Loved your post, Susie! Well said. 





Susannah said:


> I must say that comments regarding my weight used to bother me more than they do now. Since I have been posting here at Dimensions a strange thing has happened. I have actually started to celebrate being a chubster.
> I was out yesterday and it being spring here I decided that I wanted to wear a cute skirt and a nice top with short sleeves. My jiggly arms were on full display. That is a first for me. I actually felt wonderful.
> Now if anybody wants to comment on my weight I am like "Yeah baby, come and have a squeeze of my tummy!" Juz representing for the fat chicks is all.
> We don't need a comeback for people ragging on us about our weight. I have learnt since being here, that we need to be at peace with ourself and radiate that outwardly and the rest will follow.
> Let others who want to speak hateful words get their own stomach in a twist.
> This girl is marching out and letting it be.
> Susannah


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## Count Zero

I'm not really that fat, but I do like a good comeback: 

"Congratulations on your ability to state the perfectly obvious. Any other ways you'd like to prove you're a moron?" 

Not sure how good this is, but I just thought it up and I refuse to let it go to waste.


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## Gspoon

Someone: Hey *insert fat joke here*

Fat person: Ha ha, thats so funn-- BELLY SLAP TO THE FACE! Owned! /teabag


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## lipmixgirl

yes, you are rather observant aren't you! good for you! 

but you have to say it with a rather patronizing yes playful tone... if you know me personally, then i am sure you can envision how i would say this...

the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:


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## Keb

Best comeback I can think of, long term anyhow, is having an awesome life and being happier than they clearly are to boot.

Sometimes cold stony silence and a loooong unbearable stare are quite enough, too. Back in high school, some idiot started throwing food at my friends and me while we were trying to eat and play our card game in the cafeteria. I told my friends to just stare, all of us, at him. Nothing else. Just blank stares from six people. It took him less than a minute to realize we were looking at him...and then he started yelling for us to stop it, cursing, and finally ran screaming curses from the cafeteria to get away from it. Best part is, how do you get in trouble for looking at someone?


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## Dibaby35

I'm not fat...I'M SEXYYY FAT!


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## TattooedDi

I remember a long time ago seeing a button or maybe a sticker that said 

"Im fat... your ugly.
I can diet"... 

Thats just something thats always stuck with me. 

Though knowing myself...if someone was to "attack" or go at me with a fat joke or some sort of snap of any sort. 
I'd probably step back, holding my nose and reply...'Damn.. yeah Im fat... but what were you eating ass? Cause your breath stinks like sh!t... 

*shrug*.. like I said.. good thing nobody every tossed anything my way. At least not to my face


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## CeCe the Porky Princess!

Dr. Feelgood said:


> I have always found that a five-second pause, followed by "Ah! Most amusing," delivered with a deadpan expression, usually leads to a change of subject.



My fave method in which to make the comment moron sink like a big lump of shyte .. 5 second silence, a dead pan expression and a sarky 'very amusing'. I always find a touch of sarcasm very handy!


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## CeCe the Porky Princess!

I like to smile and turn slightly and slowly rub my enormously plumptious backside and ask the 'insulter' if there comments was an alternative way of attempting to get some CeCe loving..then tease them that you know they WANT IT!

Very amusing when they have been in a group as they end up embarrassing themselves!

CeCe xx


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## Lady at Large

TattooedDi said:


> "Im fat... your ugly.
> I can diet"...



I'm not LIKELY to diet, but I COULD, and that is the point I am trying to make. 

It does depend on the situation if it is a child or an innocent like that I don't worry about it, they are just stating a fact as they see it, not with malicious intent. For the 'fat joke wielding' morons the best thing I have found is to make profound eye contact with them to let them know I don't give one didly damn about their opinions. 

It brings to mind when my sister decided to go Vegan and every time she would go out to dinner with anyone she would get the....

"Would you like a steak?" Or something of that sort, one night I heard her say something that stuck with me. With no emotion at all she said.

"wow...no matter how many times I hear that it just never gets old." and then a small fake smile. I think I may try that next time I get moo-ed at. lol


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## LisaInNC

I usually say "I'm fat? YOU ARE A GOD DAMN GENIUS PRIVATE GUMP!" yeah that usually hushes them up.


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## SilkyAngela

LisaInNC said:


> I usually say "I'm fat? YOU ARE A GOD DAMN GENIUS PRIVATE GUMP!" yeah that usually hushes them up.



 Classic!


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## Chimpi

Dr. Feelgood said:


> This is a shameless hijack, but I'm genuinely curious: who actually _tells_ fat jokes? I have a strong suspicion that it is limited largely to the under-thirties, because I can't recall ever hearing anyone of my generation tell a joke like that.*



There is a man that works in the repair shop that I work at who seems to love slinging fat-related insults around... albeit, it is somewhat rare. He is a person that insults plenty of things, finds so many things annoying or wrong, hates it when people are rude or inconsiderate, and is a pure definition of a hypocrite. It's a shame.... By the way, he's almost 50 years old.

I think this is absolutely genius:



Dr. Feelgood said:


> I have always found that a five-second pause, followed by "Ah! Most amusing," delivered with a deadpan expression, usually leads to a change of subject.



I usually just turn around and walk away, or just completely ignore the person for lack of interest in the subject matter.... Most of the fat related insults or jokes I hear around me are rather lame. Not that I actually have a great sense of humor. 




~da rev~ said:


> I always enjoy the classic
> 
> "Fat can change, but ugly is forever"



I totally understand what you are getting at, but that sort of implies that fat _is_ actually ugly, that it would need to change in order to better oneself, or any variation of the sort.

.. *Sigh* Sorry, my humor is drained tonight. I felt like being all serious 'n' shit...


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## furious styles

"i will eat you


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## xeillia

You are fat

*Reply*
1) If I had a face like yours I would shave my ass and learn to walk backwards!!! OR.....
2) At least I dont look like a rottweiller on crack


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## LisaInNC

oh and I forgot my all time favorite comeback...."Yo mama"


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## Renaissance Woman

"You have a stunning grasp of the obvious."
...with a deadpan delivery. This usually results in a confused look on their part. Then I know my job is done. Fortunately I've only had to use it a couple of times.

Ya gotta watch, though--it's not always malicious. I was on the subway once sitting behind a little kid and his mother, maybe 5 or 6 years old. He turned around and said to me, "You're fat!" 'Cause he was a little kid and they sometimes just say what they're thinking without meaning it to be mean, I replied, "Well, you're skinny!" in a stating-a-fact kind of way. He looked confused and looked up at his mom. She turned around, looked at me, looked at him, and told me, "Oh no, he didn't mean it like that. He meant you're PHAT. Like in a good way." And the little kid smiled up at me. I mumbled "Okay, thanks then!" It's rare for me to feel complimented and like an idiot at the same time, but that did it. :doh:


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## BlondeAmbition

thisgirl said:


> for me, my fav line is usually: you know ROVER, I may be chubby, but chubby can slim down-- but ugly just cant be fixed.



So true! I was at work one night when the bar staff had to toss out some guy for getting drunk and belligerent. He was furious and screaming blasphamy at the door guys. As I walked past, I suggested he go home and sleep it off. Ofcourse he flipped out and shouted, "shut up you fucking fat bitch."

I replied, "I may be fat.. but I can loose the weight... And YOU will always be UGLY." He didn't reply and I walked off laughing at him. 

Hahahahaha. Jerk.


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## bigsexy920

I usually do a - Im fat not deaf 
Or 
Easy there killer
or 
Thanks for telling me I would have never known.

Im pretty good with smart ass remarks right back.


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## cold comfort

i usually just weep uncontrollably. like ... profusely sob. like ... :huh:


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## JustMe

This applies to just about anything.
Just say, "That's nice."
In the tone of, "I don't give a ____."

There's a long joke about it, that I don't feel like typing up at the moment.


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## tattooU

One of my clients (who is naturally very thin) had the best comeback i think i've ever heard. 

She was at starbucks and buying some coffee when she decided to have a slice of pumpkin bread too. She heard a female voice behind her say "You are what you eat"

She turned around and said "then you must eat a lot of b!tch!"

LMAO, *sigh* it still gets me!


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## Lovelyone

You are so fat....

"you know...if you put as much effort into your hygeine as you do your insults, you might actually get a date."


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## CeCe the Porky Princess!

tattooU said:


> One of my clients (who is naturally very thin) had the best comeback i think i've ever heard.
> 
> She was at starbucks and buying some coffee when she decided to have a slice of pumpkin bread too. She heard a female voice behind her say "You are what you eat"
> 
> She turned around and said "then you must eat a lot of b!tch!"
> 
> LMAO, *sigh* it still gets me!



PERFECT lol I would have bought her the whole cake to celebrate her perfect retort!


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## CeCe the Porky Princess!

Lovelyone said:


> You are so fat....
> 
> "you know...if you put as much effort into your hygeine as you do your insults, you might actually get a date."



lol I have sort of used that but adapted it to advise the insulter of the rank breath they were expelling in my direction!


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## troubadours

Dan's contribution:

(if I was a fat girl)

Shitforbrains: You are fat

Me: ...There is a selected group of admirers I can choose from. You are competing with every other thin woman on the planet. Good luck with that.


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## Surlysomething

mfdoom said:


> "i will eat you




bahahaha


:eat1:


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## Friday

If they honestly are trying to be funny and not hurtful? 
A head shake and 'Don't quit the day job.'

Trying to be insulting?
I'm so glad you noticed, I've been working really hard at it.

Or if they're being ugly because you just told them you weren't interested...
There'd be no way no matter what I weigh.


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## luv_it_here

Oh, well it's probably been on here before, but ya gotta love..

"I might be fat, but you're ugly - at least I can diet!" :batting: 

or something to that effect. I remember reading that somewhere when I was really young and thinking it was the funniest thing.  weird...


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## Ruffie

When someone reminds me that I am fat I simply look at them and say
"Thank you captain obvious"
RUth


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## Beckoo

Acting crazy works great. I feel sorry for the ones who have to act. That's just added pressure when you are in a bind. Luckily it comes naturally for me. The crazy not the acting :blink: Barking at them is awsome and another thing is flat out denial about being fat in one continuous yell. Your fat.........NOOOOOOOOOO I'm Nooooooottttttttttttt!!!!!!!!! Stupid people scare easy


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## Ernest Nagel

Alexander Pope (21 May 1688  30 May 1744) is generally regarded as the greatest English poet of the early eighteenth century, best known for his satirical verse and for his translation of Homer. He is the third most frequently quoted writer in the English language, after Shakespeare and Tennyson. Courtesy Wikipedia

I have long found many of Popes pithy insights the perfect rejoinders for cruel, ignorant or spiteful remarks. In some of the following offerings I believe it's wise to consider that confusing the offender can be the best revenge. I hesitated to over-edit but in turn apologize for the flood of options. Please enjoy and use at will (EN):

All are but parts of one stupendous whole, Whose body Nature is, and God the soul. 


Beauties in vain their pretty eyes may roll; charms strike the sight, but merit wins the soul. 


Charms strike the sight, but merit wins the soul. 


Fondly we think we honor merit then, When we but praise ourselves in other men. 


Fools admire, but men of sense approve. 


Gentle dullness ever loves a joke. 


Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends. 


Honor and shame from no condition rise. Act well your part: there all the honor lies. 


Hope springs eternal in the human breast: Man never is, but always To be Blest. 


Hope travels through, nor quits us when we die. 


How happy is the blameless vestal's lot? The world forgetting, by the world forgot. 



How shall I lose the sin, yet keep the sense, and love the offender, yet detest the offence? 


I find myself hoping a total end of all the unhappy divisions of mankind by party-spirit, which at best is but the madness of many for the gain of a few. 


If a man's character is to be abused there's nobody like a relative to do the business. 


In words, as fashions, the same rule will hold; Alike fantastic, if too new, or old: Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside. 


Is pride, the never-failing vice of fools. 


Know then this truth, enough for man to know virtue alone is happiness below. 


Know then thyself, presume not God to scan; The proper study of mankind is man. 


Like Cato, give his little senate laws, and sit attentive to his own applause. 


Lo, what huge heaps of littleness around!

The way of the Creative works through change and transformation, so that each thing receives its true nature and destiny and comes into permanent accord with the Great Harmony: this is what furthers and what perseveres. 


There is a certain majesty in simplicity which is far above all the quaintness of wit. 


They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake. 


Those move easiest who have learn'd to dance. 


Tis but a part we see, and not a whole. 


'Tis education forms the common mind; just as the twig is bent the tree's inclined. 


'Tis not enough your counsel still be true; Blunt truths more mischief than nice falsehoods do. 


To be angry is to revenge the faults of others on ourselves. 


To be angry is to revenge the faults of others upon ourselves. 


To err is human; to forgive, divine. 


To observations which ourselves we make, we grow more partial for th' observer's sake. 


True politeness consists in being easy one's self, and in making every one about one as easy as one can. 


Trust not yourself, but your defects to know, make use of every friend and every foe. 


What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. 


Whoever thinks a faultless piece to see, Thinks what ne'er was, nor is, nor e'er shall be. 


Wit is the lowest form of humor.


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## Cheesey

Yeah i got a good one, "Haha you have fat to, your powers of observation amaze me! Now fuck off or i will break your knee caps  "


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## MickRidem

You can get all Buddhist on their asses and say, "I'm sorry to hear that's so important to you."

I had a friend tell me another story about two ten(?) year old boys who rang her bell just to tell her she was fat. She asked them how old they were. They said ten (I think) and she shook her head. "Yeah, I was eleven when it happened to me." The boys were freaked out and ran home crying - when their parents called her she told them what the kids said and they were punished. 

With _little _kids she agrees with them, tells them that big ladies give the best hugs in the whole world, and asks if they would like one.


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## Count Zero

Not sure if it would apply in this situation, but one of my favorite personal comebacks is:

"Look who's putting in overtime at the clever factory"


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## ksandru

Usually, I just ignore them, but if they were being very obvious, I would turn around & say "And you're so ugly that your mama looked at you & said to your papa "DAMN! I SHOULD'VE SWALLOWED!"

For women who are vicious I just smile & flash my wedding ring & say "My husband came all the way from Romania to be with this Fat Bitch..ah, no wedding ring, what a pity"

Your parents must be really proud of the moron they raised

F.A.T/? Thanks for calling me Fabulous & Thick. My husband thinks so too.

I can be mean if I have to be, but usually, I try to keep my temper in check.


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## Mystic Rain

You know, it's sad when not only someone who's slim makes fun of a big woman, but you have another young woman that has completely no room to talk making fun of her too.  

The wife of one my co-workers is very large, and could be easily defined as an SSBBW. She comes into eat and see her husband every day or every other day, and eats there. She's a really nice person, very sweet and friendly, and she has a cute face. I think she's looks fine. It would personally not be my choice to be quite so big, but for her if she's happy with it, then that's great. That's what matters.

However, everytime she comes in, two of my co-workers, one of them my kitchen manager, and whom I call friends, proceed to make fun of her. Now, my manager and I are really good friends, but it really disappoints me to hear her talk about that young lady like she's disgusted by her. She's got no problems with me persay, but her reasoning is "there's heavy, and then there's just _too_ big."

She's all about weightloss and diets anyhow, and she'll argue with me when I say that dieting can make you gain back all you lost plus some with the reasoning of "if you're off it and you start gaining again, you can just go back on it." She used to be as heavy as I am, which I can't believe because I never knew her then, but she's slimmed down a lot, and has developed a fatphobia now. She just freaking right now because, OMG!, she's a size 10 and not a 6 anymore because she's gained a little weight, so she's trying lose 10lbs before the holidays. -_- I love her, but this is one of the things I don't like about her. 

She's been chatising me lately about my gain because she says "you'll get diabetes, and this and that." I argue you can get the same things at any weight, but she just goes to back to "you're overweight" line as a response.

Then the other co-worker, whom is the one that cannot talk because she's extremely chunky herself, starts imitating a floor shaking walk. I looked at her and reprimanded her "That's not funny." She just laughs, and I turn away to go back to my work.

She and my manager continues to talk about the wife of the other co-worker, and I stand there listening and becoming irate. You can't argue against people like that because they won't budge on their views, no matter how wrong.


----------



## hot'n fluffy

my fav is: "the bigger the belly, the sweeter the juice"

or, once you go fat you never go back!!

It's all about being confident, it makes you more attractive.



thisgirl said:


> That's halarious! I like these responses-- neeeeed more!!


----------



## irish_redhead

I live downtown, so it's quite frequent that I'm tripping over panhandlers when I go anywhere. I have to say that I don't often get any comments at all - not in years. I think it's a symptom of a society that has become too self absorbed to interact... anyway - 

I'm waiting for the light to change, and a teenager (panhandler, crackhead as well) hits me up for change. I just shake my head, at which point he starts into this rant about me being a fat bitch, if I stopped eating there'd be food for him, how I should give him my money etc....

I was stunned - I just looked at him, and reasoned that "It's my money, and if I want to be fat with it - it gives me the advantage when it's time to push you into traffiic". I told him to fuck right off. 

What came next was classic - he continued yelling.... I looked at him, in all seriousness, and I asked him - "What makes you think that yelling and name calling is going to get you anywhere with me? I'm not giving you shit... but right now, you've just disgusted another 20 people standing around this corner - how much WOULD you have gotten from them if you hadn't been so concerned with me?" The most amazing look came over his face, and as I was walking across the street, he was shouting apologies and begging everyone listening to accept it. 

To pretty much anyone else I respond with a simple "You have a knack for stating the obvious. Next you're going to tell me it's (raining, cold, sunny etc) right?" and walk away.


----------



## thickbob

I can walk outside when it's windy and not have to grab a light pole.

If you drink a glass of tomato juice, you'll look like a thermometer.


----------



## moore2me

chillaxin said:


> With _little _kids she agrees with them, tells them that big ladies give the best hugs in the whole world, and asks if they would like one.





ksandru said:


> I can be mean if I have to be, but usually, I try to keep my temper in check.



I agree with chillaxin's statement about talking nicely to little kids. What else can you do? Now, older kids are a different story.

Like ksandra said, when older kids or adults make fun of me or are just being mean, how I handle it depends on my mood at the time. 

My mildest response is using humor or sarcasm as previous posters have noted.

 Next level might be to act slightly "demented". Start twitching on one side, eyes rolling, head jerking, (physical reaction stuff), higher level is 



"KICKASS" by pretending to "morph" into demon hellcat. During this phase, I have been known to turn feral, hiss, show teeth in a threat display, lower head, eyes start rolling upward, scary stuff. Usually, the person or persons decide to retreat and regroup somewhere else.



Actually, pretending to be crazy - even rabid, works pretty well for me. If acting dangerously insane doesn't work (and it almost always does), verbal karate is Level IV. You can't be lady like here. You should be forceful - loud and surprise your tormentor. Use unexpected language. Menace. Something like, "WHAT!" or (only use this one if no one else around, it is illegal to yell this in crowded buildings) yell "FIRE!"


----------



## Lamia

My favorite reply to "you're fat!!" is "Thank god you're here Captain Obvious!!!"

Ok this is kind of mean, but I was out at the park and a 10 year old kid (old enough to know better) poked me in the stomach and said "who's in there?" I laughed and said "cheeseburgers"...when I told my mom this she said "you should have said 'the last little kid that asked me that'. " My mom is mean. lol

In high school my reply to comments about my weight was usually "eat s---and die"

Now my favorite comeback is "shouldn't you be somewhere f------ a goat you inbred, banjo picking, knuckle dragging, trogolodyte."  

I did notice that as an adult I never hear any comments from people anymore. I guess that wonderful experience is left for kids to deal with as if they don't have enough crap to handle. 

Of course I do get the ROL now and again. I think most fat women know what I am talking about. ROL (random old ladies)
You're sitting at a doctors office, standing in line at the store, etc and you make small talk with one and the next thing you know she's telling you about her neice, daughter, etc who "is a big girl just like you and you know what she did?" I've always wanted to say "beat you with a golf club?"  

Some skinny, dried up man used to come to the grocery store where my mom worked and he'd always make comments about her size. One day while she was checking out his groceries he said "I can just eat whatever I want and I never gain a pound" My mom didn't miss a beat she just said "ME TOO!! " in the most cheerful voice. I nearly choked. He just stood there looking her up and down his mouth working trying to form words "mind ...boggled....woman fat...obviously gained pounds...not understand...." is the imagined inner dialogue he must have been having. I told her she short circuited his logic processor. 

Me, my mom, aunt and cousins were walking through the mall 5 of us all over 250 lbs. Some lady sort of gasped and whispered to her friend and they oggled us as we passed. My cousin yelled at them "Haven't you ever seen a woman's football team before?" 

My boyfriend and I were at a buffet eating and this old man kept staring at me, not with disgust, which I am used to, but open hostility. I told my boyfriend loud enough for him to hear "Old people must just be sick with how much money they spent at the circus back in the day to see fat people, if they only knew what the future would hold". My boyfriend who totally didn't know what was going on was like "WTF?". I told him later the old dude had this expression of "I used to have to pay a nickle to see that?


----------



## foozball100

Somebody saying ewwww to you! Dibaby35? Judging by your pic, I would say, "can I have your phone number please?", not ewwww!


----------



## foozball100

Dibaby35 said:


> Well 99% of the time someone trying to make me upset about my weight..its a man...so when some moo moo cow comment or joke comes up...I just turn and blow them a big wet kiss and flash the big smile...really it completely throws them off. They might go ewwww or something..but then im like..oh you knowwww you want some of this..LMAO Now at this point they are REALLY uncomfortable and leave..LOL
> 
> It's all about confidence



Somebody saying ewwww to you! Dibaby35? Judging by your pic, I would say, "can I have your phone number please?", not ewwww!


----------



## _broshe_

thisgirl said:


> hahah- these are funny....
> 
> Let me just say-- for the record-- I just started these because I thought I would get some funny comments. I'm not going to be the lil girl who gets her feelings all hurt about this stuff.. this is totally just a thread to see how clever we all are (I know that we are!!!)
> 
> for me, my fav line is usually: you know ROVER, I may be chubby, but chubby can slim down-- but ugly just cant be fixed.



Hmm, thats good, But I usually end it with you just can't fix stupid


----------



## None

Here is a comeback.

"You are fat"
"Jesus, your father must have had a really firm touch"


----------



## NotAnExpert

A friend of mine told me about her encounter with a little kid a a public pool. When the kid said the predictable: "You're faaaaat!" she turn to give the child her full attention and gushed a bit: "Why THANK you!" That locked the kid into a pretty serious thought loop for a while.


----------



## Friday

I like fat. How are you liking ugly?


----------



## Nose_body_knows

heres one.

some says "your fat"
reply with "well statistically most people in the near future will be too, so I am waiting my turn to say "your thin"


----------



## EMH1701

I'm a Trek fan. There's always the "Thank you, Counselor Troi" response.


----------



## 1love_emily

Mine is more for someone just being mean.

If someone calls me fat in a derogatory fashion then I say

"I may be fat, good sir/madam, but I can change that if I wanted to. You are mean and stupid, and that's something that cannot be changed."


----------



## coriander

You could say, "thanks for noticing!" 
...and lick your lips lasciviously. :eat2:

I mean, I'd certainly enjoy that.


----------



## patmcf

People who feel it is necessary to insult others for _any_ reason have self esteem issues. Pity these people instead of lowering yourself to their level.


----------



## Nose_body_knows

I don't pity people who take their problems out on other people.


----------



## luscious_lulu

I hate the "your ugly & I can diet" quip. It implies that I am not happy with myself or that being fat is ugly.


----------



## Deacone

Most of the time it's -

"I may be fat, but at least i'm not a chav"

I'm not sure if people from out of the UK will get that reference of "chav" so I can only describe it as a type of scum lol.


----------



## coriander

luscious_lulu said:


> I hate the "your ugly & I can diet" quip. It implies that I am not happy with myself or that being fat is ugly.



Yeah, me too. Especially since diets actually don't work, and in many (if not most) cases, develop into self-harming behaviour and/or eating disorders. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

Saying that you "can go on a diet" is basically suggesting that you are on board with the hate that is being spewed at you. That fat is bad, shameful, and something that can and should be "fixed". AND that you're down with messing with your physical and mental health to make your body more "acceptable". 

How about, "Oh shit, it's the Body Police?" We need to call these people out on their oppressive asshattery.


----------



## dragorat

*"Yea I'm FAT but can you imagine how boring life would be if everyone looked like you.Then you'd have no one to pick on!"*


----------



## luscious_lulu

coriander said:


> How about, "Oh shit, it's the Body Police?" We need to call these people out on their oppressive asshattery.



I like to say "yes, and your point is?", "and?" & "really"


----------



## Nose_body_knows

someone says "your fat"
you say "they say GOD made man in his own image, it would be a sad day for Christians around the globe if GOD looked anything like you!!"


----------



## penguin

"Congratulations, Captain Obvious! Do you also shout out "dickhead" when you look at yourself in the mirror?"


----------



## StickMan

I think the best counterpoint for a fat joke would be to have me lying around somewhere nearby so I can punt the joker across the street.

(Being rather thin myself, I've never had many fat jokes pointed my way. No practice in snarking back at them, you see.)


----------



## luscious_lulu

penguin said:


> "Congratulations, Captain Obvious! Do you also shout out "dickhead" when you look at yourself in the mirror?"



I love this!


----------



## Emma

Nose_body_knows said:


> heres one.
> 
> some says "your fat"
> reply with "well statistically most people in the near future will be too, so I am waiting my turn to say "your thin"




Or we could just go *you're.


----------



## Rojodi

Little boy yesterday, after I asked him and his friends who were sitting on or hanging around my front needed anything, told me to "Get my fat ass back inside. You're not needed." 

I reached into my pocket, took out a quarter and flipped it to him. He looked at me like I asked him to give me the third derivation of the equation 2x^4-9x^3 + 17x^2. I told him:

"It's either to call someone who cares or towards you buying a clue." It went right over ALL their heads. They moved on after a moment when I refused to back off.


----------



## Carrie

luscious_lulu said:


> I hate the "your ugly & I can diet" quip. It implies that I am not happy with myself or that being fat is ugly.


Agreed; a "comeback" that essentially insults myself is not really a comeback in my book. 



Rojodi said:


> Little boy yesterday, after I asked him and his friends who were sitting on or hanging around my front needed anything, told me to "Get my fat ass back inside. You're not needed."
> 
> I reached into my pocket, took out a quarter and flipped it to him. He looked at me like I asked him to give me the third derivation of the equation 2x^4-9x^3 + 17x^2. I told him:
> 
> "It's either to call someone who cares or towards you buying a clue." It went right over ALL their heads. They moved on after a moment when I refused to back off.


So..... he didn't get that he was being dissed AND he made $0.25? Pretty sweet deal for him.


----------



## KittyKitten

"Yo mama so fat......."

"Yo mama so stinkin that a skunk smelled her butt and passed out."


----------



## aocutiepi

So... I am kind of sarcastic and I saw a fat joke today when I was driving. I decided to post my response to it as a Facebook status.

"... so, I saw this dude with a truck window decal that said, 'Jack it up, fat chicks can't jump.' Oh, sir... you are so charming and alluring in your muddy redneck limousine that I can hardly contain myself. You are nearly as tempting as the thought of a bottomless bowl of Häagen-Dazs. But I must still my beating fat heart, for you jacked up your truck so I couldn't jump into it."


Now, granted, I didn't tell it to his face since he was driving in the truck in front of me, but I admit that it felt good to write it out.


----------



## Sasquatch!

I love surreal jokes.

"You've got more chins than a chinese phone book!"

"URBAN PAMPLEMOUSSE!"


----------



## Deacone

"meh, it's more for your mom to love" 

lol


----------



## Sydney Vicious

I can lose weight, you'll always be a *huge bitch.*

orrrr

OHMYGOD you're sooooooo funny! I had no idea, WOW that really is just so origional! did you think of that yourself?!


----------



## CoralRain

You're fat!!

Thank you.


----------



## coriander

Then again, there's always this approach:


----------



## Nose_body_knows

sometimes a nice solid punch in the chops shuts them up...


----------



## Silver Fox

It all depends on how the remark is made. Is it made truly in fun without malice? If so then some kind of snappy comeback equally without malice may be appropriate. Was it made to be hurtful? (then it's not really a joke, is it?) In that case, here's an approach that may be difficult to do: completely ignore the remark. The person making the hurtful remark is trying to create some kind of effect on you. If you completely ignore the remark and show absolutely no effect of it having been made, then the person has completely failed to make an effect. A counter attack, no matter how artful, is actually empowering them by letting them know they have had an effect on you. Really the worst thing you can do to a person (especially one vying for attention) is to completely ignore them.


----------



## coriander

Another one!!! 
Not *really* a comeback but still awesome.


----------



## Heyyou

"I know you are, but what am i?"


----------



## annabellethecat

Thank you! Fat means fabulous, attractive, and terrific.:happy: Real woman have soft curves, not sharp edges. Fuck off and die asshole/bitch.


----------



## scoot

1. You hear some one snicker some kind of disrespectful remark about being fat from a distance,
and no matter what the comment, you boldly walk over and say, Which part of my body were
you considering sexually? Otherwise, Why pay attention, or take offense? I mean, When the waiter 
comes to take your order, Do you point out everything you don't like on the menu, or question 
those things that appeal to your interest if anything? Smiles, every one.

2. Comment: You are what you eat. 
Response: But, I can still smell your feet...

3. Comment: Look...[something or another] he/she is so fat,... ewww!
Response: Sure I'm fat, that's whole honest the truth. But, Why compliment 
me on something you can't hope to construe? Like the shit in your brain or the 
stink you maintain, or that poor little bastard that you call a brain...

4. Comment: A HO (fat or otherwise)?
Response: Yea, I am Ho ~ Lot smarter than you, and so much better than you can
ever Ho ~ pe to obtain...

5. If some one simply says, You're Fat. Act all surprised, like some one receiving a racial remark,
and just now finding out after all these years that it was true. Oh, No! You're kidding? I am?!
Actually side with them and mock yourself relentlessly until they're running out of there! ha!

6. Punch in the face? yes. But a Possible lawsuit with disregard to the Freedom of Speech act, 
but nonetheless effective if you can knock them out and run away without leaving any witnesses...

7. Cry uncontrollably (in an animated and pretentious way as if you cared), weep and moan while
loudly repeating what they said to you, until they run outta there, or the others run them out...


* Possibly to be continued later... After writing this I am reading more responses as I go, and see that
I may be double tagging a couple of previously posted ideas ~ no offense. Anyway, Just my little 
contribution 4 today. Anyway, great responses from every one ~ keep them coming...


----------



## tuffghost

The comments I receive that stick out the most are:

"HOG!" (more or less I was like "wtf?")
"You're fat!" (no, really? I didn't realize, thanks for letting me know though!)

and my favourite:

"Fat bitch!" (yes I'm fat, and if you piss me off enough I can be a bitch.. is there a problem?)

I've stopped letting such comments effect me so much, people can be so immature... but admittedly, sometimes it does sting and my confidence level drops and I feel like crawling under a rock and hiding instead of dealing with it.

Anyway, that's just my two cents.


----------



## BullseyeB

Mystic Rain said:


> I think she's looks fine. It would personally not be my choice to be quite so big, but for her if she's happy with it, then that's great. That's what matters.



Being an SSBBW is not my choice...truly, I did not _choose_ to be this big...please be careful with your wording. Thanks.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

My experiences have been vast in the comeback world...Here are some...

Ohhh...did that make you feel big?!

Bite me!

I'd like to tell you to kiss my fat ass, but I don't want to lead you on.

OMG! I had no idea! Holy Crap! _Thank you_ so much for telling me! 

Be careful, I ate here last week and was only a little bigger than you are now!

Really? Do you know no one who is fat? Would you talk to her that way? Shame on you.

I could go on...


----------



## Lovelyone

BullseyeB said:


> Being an SSBBW is not my choice...truly, I did not _choose_ to be this big...please be careful with your wording. Thanks.
> 
> *snipped




For some people on these forums and in real life it IS a choice.


----------



## BullseyeB

Lovelyone said:


> For some people on these forums and in real life it IS a choice.



I understand that, but for those of who did not make this choice and deal with the crap in society, it is hard to hear someone make such a blanket statement! One size does NOT fit all!!!


----------



## IrishBard

a friend of mine, a big man gave this one to a bunch of kids making jokes about his size. 

"You know the best thing about being fat is that if you eat someone, they never find the body..."


----------



## That Guy You Met Once

I don't know if it's usable (you met get called out for "stealing" it), but here's my favorite:



> From an Australia vs Zimbabwe cricket match:
> 
> Glenn McGrath (Australia): Why are you so fucking fat?
> Eddo Brandes (Zimbabwe): Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit.
> 
> McGrath's teammates were reportedly in hysterics.


----------



## Shosh

Seventy-Seven said:


> I don't know if it's usable (you met get called out for "stealing" it), but here's my favorite:



Only it is not funny because Glenn McGrath's wife died of breast cancer.


----------



## penguin

Shosh said:


> Only it is not funny because Glenn McGrath's wife died of breast cancer.



The joke itself is still pretty damn good, regardless of who it's about and whether they're alive or dead.


----------



## Shosh

penguin said:


> The joke itself is still pretty damn good, regardless of who it's about and whether they're alive or dead.



Whatever keeps you amused I guess. I prefer something not quite as low brow.


----------



## penguin

Shosh said:


> Whatever keeps you amused I guess. I prefer something not quite as low brow.



We're talking about comebacks to people hurling insults at us, it's nit a subject one can easily be high brow about. 

It's okay to just lighten up a bit, you know?


----------



## maxi

thisgirl said:


> Ok-- I think we need a list of "come backs" for a fat joke, fat comment, or fat hatin..... BRING IT ON!


I had an uncle once, and when we were kids we'd poke at his beer belly, and he'd say, "hey, don't laugh. A lot of money went into this...." I think this would work well.... it always disarmed us and made us laugh at ourselves a bit more than at his tummy...


----------



## verucassault

JERK STORE, JERK STORE. that's the line!


----------



## KittyKitten

Yeah I know I'm a big girl, but you are still an ugly h-.


----------



## SSBBW Katerina

.... "I'll be sure to inform your father of your feelings when I'm riding his face as he tongue punches my chocolate starfish and your mom takes the pics for scrapbooking-- AGAIN! Ya dopey jack legged fool. Get bent, get laid and get lost."


----------



## coriander

Clever comebacks to rude remarks:
http://www.radiancemagazine.com/issues/1998/summer_98/rude_remarks.html


----------



## danielson123

If you don't know the person, ask them their name. When they go to answer, cut them off with _*'IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!'*_

Stare them down, pull down your sunglasses a bit, raise an eyebrow, and walk off.


----------



## Power_Metal_Kitsune

"Really? I didn't know that!"

"That's not what you said last night."

"Wow, and here I thought cavemen had evolved!"

"Your dad likes it."

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Thank you, but I'm not interested in pigs."

"Take a picture, it lasts longer!"

"Was THAT supposed to hurt, because it didn't."


----------



## ForeignSoul

As I have used for years, will use for years and actually just used on my boss the other day when he called me Cpt Cankles.....



""HAHAHAHA! Oh shit! You just made a joke about my size. Oh man, that's to funny. Damn, I haven't heard a joke about my weight before...you are that of what geniouses are made of. HAHAHAHA..... On a side note *Appropriate name to make fun of them here* feel free to take some time and find a way to insult me that HASN'T been done for the past 20 years... douche"


I can't tell you how many people look like complete jackasses to others near by when I spit that out..... I find it pretty awesome...lol


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

My personal favorite to men that feel it's necessary to insult me somehow after I politely turn them down 
(for example one said I was "kind of flabby anyway" after I told him I wouldn't be interested in dating him- even if he was single :doh

It must be hell when even a fat girl doesn't want you


----------



## BullseyeB

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> My personal favorite to men that feel it's necessary to insult me somehow after I politely turn them down
> (for example one said I was "kind of flabby anyway" after I told him I wouldn't be interested in dating him- even if he was single :doh
> 
> It must be hell when even a fat girl doesn't want you



LMFAO on that one!!!! :bow:


----------



## LadyDeelicious

A variation on the "I may be fat but your ugly, and I can diet"




Depending on how rude the original comment was I say one of the following:

Thanks captian obvious. At least I can diet, what can be done about your stupidity!

And you're a moron...BUT I can diet! 

Well your a jacka$$, I can diet, what can you do to change?


----------



## Jenella

When I notice that someone is staring at me/whispering and pointing to me, I have this habit of telling them. 'Take a Picture, It lasts longer, Hell, I'll even autograph it for ya'. while smiling innocently at them.

If someone is being rude and/or is making fat jokes, I find that the best way to handle it is to just smile at them, then ignore them and move on. Why waste my valuable time on idiots? Most of the time, they get bored and shut the hell up, but sometimes I have to get sarcastic with them and blow their mind.


----------



## AnnMarie

LadyDeelicious said:


> A variation on the "I may be fat but your ugly, and I can diet"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Depending on how rude the original comment was I say one of the following:
> 
> Thanks captian obvious. At least I can diet, what can be done about your stupidity!
> 
> And you're a moron...BUT I can diet!
> 
> Well your a jacka$$, I can diet, what can you do to change?



I'm glad you have something that works for you, but I'd encourage you to find a way to reply without making your body a fault or something that requires correction. It only reinforces their point, and you have NOTHING that requires changing unless it's something you care to do. 

Good luck out there!


----------



## one2one

"I can't for the life of me imagine why _you_ would feel the need to have such a vested interest in _my_ weight."

I used this once for an 'unsolicited comment', and it worked very well. It shut the conversation down.


----------



## Power_Metal_Kitsune

I just turn around and ask if it was directed at me. No one's had the balls to say that it was yet.


----------



## SlightlyMorbid

Actual story that happened at the swimming pool. Two cheer-leader type of girls were giggling and pointing at my boyfriend and as we passed by they made a remark about his weight. My boyfriend doesn't really care since I helped him get more confident about his weight, so I turned around sharply, "Hon, ever considered the fact you're just jealous he's a guy with more tits than you ever have, capt'n Flatchest mcPeaNipples?"

Look on her face was classic.


"You're fat."
"A smart person knows when to shut up, a dumb person proves themself to be so by opening their mouth."

"Damn what a huge bitch."
"Don't make me sit on you."

"Ew. Ugly fat ass."
"Ew. Skinny bitch with no personality."

And what always works, "-Boot to the head-"


----------



## Nivlac

This is my first post on here, and all though this is not really an appropriate thread to make it in I felt this comeback had to be said.

The ultimate comeback, no matter what is said to you, no matter how many times, is...

NO YOU!

My brother frequently uses this on people until they become so frustrated they leave, if if it doesn't make complete sense:

You're stupid!
No you!
You're also ugly!
No you!
Your comebacks suck, can't you say anything else?
No you!
Yourer just saying the same thing back to me every time!
No you!

See, unbeatable!

One more my brother does, whenever someone says something to insult out of the blue, he will just quote Monty Python and say, "and now for something completely different!" and go back to what he is doing.

Also, I find these replies very amusing, good job people!


----------



## Jess87

"Thanks. I know, but I didn't realize people were still using that term." This isn't a great comeback, because people don't seem to always get the implied "phat" opposed to "fat." That actually makes me like it more though.

I'm pretty good at a fake cry, so if I'm feeling like being an asshole, I'll start that. Then go "Oh yeah, sorry, I totally forgot that I don't care." 

"Okay. Oh, that's it? Well, that was a letdown."


----------



## SlightlyMorbid

Why are you so fat?

Why are you so stupid? The mysteries of life my good man/dear lady.


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## CastingPearls

I don't know if this one's been posted yet but when someone (who isn't driving or hurrying off) says YOU'RE FAT, I say, I like fat. How's ugly and stupid working for you?


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## Lamia

I usually just say nothing. Their opinions, much like their existence, are unimportant to me.

I even wrote a couple of lyrics about it

I hate you
your pointless existence
your pointless point of view



but I want the music to be this sort of sweeping power ballad.


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## PhiloGirl

Haven't actually used these yet, but since it seems that my harrassers are usually teenagers / younger people...

"Run along, children, I don't interrupt your Cub Scout meetings... let the adults have their time now." I would think challenging a teenager's maturity (particularly those who just got cars and love driving around looking for trouble) would be one of the worst insults they could receive.

Or, in a really patronizing, baby-talk kind of voice:

"Ooooh, look who's all grown-up! How impressive, that _this_ is the most exciting thing you can do with your night! Who's a big boy? You are! Yes you are!"

Edit: Almost forgot to say how much I love these responses. Thinking about this subject usually depresses me, but you're all cracking me up, and I hope next time I run into this situation, I'll snap back something clever instead of letting it hurt me.


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## That Guy You Met Once

This one's actually worked for me before.


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## gogogal

"What are you, an Ewok or something?"


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