# ok..so I am a DORK ....



## HDANGEL15 (Mar 22, 2007)

*So last nite i went to a club to see TEA LEAF GREEN..awesome band FYI...and I end up right next to this guy 30-40 something...fully sleeved...about 5/8 and easily 350s...I can sense he is really self conscious about his body....and weight...and I talk to everyone in the club BUT HIM?? WTF is wrong with me....i wanted to tell him how perfect his body is..and rub his belly....damn I AM THE TOTAL FA DORK Or wut?????? *


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## nala (Mar 22, 2007)

Trust me, you're so not alone when it comes to that 

Don't ask me why it happens though, 'cause I haven't figured that out yet


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## Tad (Mar 22, 2007)

Heh, I think everyone does this sometimes. It is easy to talk to people that you aren't especially interested in, as there is little to lose. But it is much more nerve-wracking to talk to someone that you hope could be special and you hope to make a good impression on, because there is something to lose.

Maybe next time...
-Ed


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## Blondeegrldd (Mar 22, 2007)

Go to the same club next time a band is scheduled and see if he shows up... and if he does, don't ignore him!


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 22, 2007)

Blondeegrldd said:


> Go to the same club next time a band is scheduled and see if he shows up... and if he does, don't ignore him!



*you are right, such a NO BRAINER there..I've never seen him b4...

come on now......fully sleeved and stockier then hell....probably rides harleys....the real thing is frieghtening i suppose WHEN IT LOOKS TO GOOD *


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## Tad (Mar 22, 2007)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *....fully sleeved and s *



What does 'fully sleeved' mean? Just curious!

-Ed


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## KnottyOne (Mar 22, 2007)

edx said:


> What does 'fully sleeved' mean? Just curious!
> 
> -Ed



Both of his arms are fully covered in tattoos like sleeves. Like what i'm working on ^_^


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 22, 2007)

KnottyOne said:


> Both of his arms are fully covered in tattoos like sleeves. Like what i'm working on ^_^




*
dont be shy oh ((((knotty one)))))...do share : >*


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## collegeguy2514 (Mar 22, 2007)

im the same way with girls. and its not even big girls, i often have trouble talking to skinny chicks too!! anybody want to figure that out?


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## comperic2003 (Mar 22, 2007)

just a matter of confidence


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## collegeguy2514 (Mar 22, 2007)

i really need to work on mine.


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## GrowingBoy (Mar 22, 2007)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *So last nite i went to a club to see TEA LEAF GREEN..awesome band FYI...and I end up right next to this guy 30-40 something...fully sleeved...about 5/8 and easily 350s...I can sense he is really self conscious about his body....and weight...and I talk to everyone in the club BUT HIM?? WTF is wrong with me....i wanted to tell him how perfect his body is..and rub his belly....damn I AM THE TOTAL FA DORK Or wut?????? *



HD -- shyness is something you can work on, like any other skill. Don't beat yourself up about it. For example, you can work on striking up a conversation with fat men in a less "pressured" setting, just to feel more comfortable. Maybe just ask "how's your morning going?" when you see a nice fat man at the latte stand. Or maybe if you see a man with a huge belly wearing a football jersey, you can ask him if he's a fan. Before you know it, you'll feel comfortable talking to a man 3 times your weight!


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 22, 2007)

GrowingBoy said:


> HD -- shyness is something you can work on, like any other skill. Don't beat yourself up about it. For example, you can work on striking up a conversation with fat men in a less "pressured" setting, just to feel more comfortable. Maybe just ask "how's your morning going?" when you see a nice fat man at the latte stand. Or maybe if you see a man with a huge belly wearing a football jersey, you can ask him if he's a fan. Before you know it, you'll feel comfortable talking to a man 3 times your weight!


*
(((GROWINGBOY))) great suggestions...I was so intimidated by this very obese guy...I dunno..I could have so easily asked him bout his INK..and asked where he goes for work..which artists he is partial to..we were listening to music etc etc etc...just sily stuff. i am a huge flirt with everyone else....make good eye contact...lick my lips etc....but a real FAT MAN...tattooed....<swoooooooN> too much pressure...to real hahahah*


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Mar 23, 2007)

I've been there HDANGEL, sometimes when he's exactly what you find incredibly attractive. You can get tongue tied, or become seriously afraid that if you approach him you'll look like a bigger dork than you already feel. 

I don't know why the human mind reacts that way, I'm sure we've all had that experience at some point.

I forgot my name one time.

Total dork, that is me.


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## pattycake (Mar 25, 2007)

I know exactly what you mean, Angel. Years ago, I was at a gig with a friend and saw a HOT BHM with his friend a few rows in front so I dragged my friend over with me and I asked -looking mostly at the friend cos I couldn't meet the eye of the BHM- if we could stand in front of them cos they were both tall and we were shorter (my friend is only 5 ft 1), thinking this would serve as an ice breaker & give me ample opportunity to turn round to him and make conversation all evening but spent the night staring rigidly ahead too chickenshit to turn around and talk to him at all. What is up with that?! I think it was because a) he was exactly my type & b) I was completely sober. I could have kicked myself. I am the dork queen.


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 25, 2007)

pattycake said:


> I know exactly what you mean, Angel. Years ago, I was at a gig with a friend and saw a HOT BHM with his friend a few rows in front so I dragged my friend over with me and I asked -looking mostly at the friend cos I couldn't meet the eye of the BHM- if we could stand in front of them cos they were both tall and we were shorter (my friend is only 5 ft 1), thinking this would serve as an ice breaker & give me ample opportunity to turn round to him and make conversation all evening but spent the night staring rigidly ahead too chickenshit to turn around and talk to him at all. What is up with that?! I think it was because a) he was exactly my type & b) I was completely sober. I could have kicked myself. I am the dork queen.





*(((PATTYCAKE))))) thanks for sharing..sounds exactly like my story to a tee...i dont drink or drug by choice going on almost 11 yrs now  

*


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## Waxwing (Mar 25, 2007)

I'm absolutely that way when I see someone I find terribly attractive. I can flirt like nobody's business if I am not interested, but of course the one I want is always the last person I talk to.

God, that nervousness sucks, doesn't it? 

Tell us if you see him again! And if you do, casually start talking to him, about his tattoos, and then take it from there! Woo hoo!

You know, the tats are a good conversation starter. I have some words on my arm and many a guy breaks the ice by asking what my arm says.


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## pattycake (Mar 25, 2007)

HDANGEL15 said:


> (((PATTYCAKE))))) thanks for sharing..sounds exactly like my story to a tee...i dont drink or drug by choice going on almost 11 yrs now


*lol* I think as you said, when you see someone who's so PERFECT (got the look you love, clearly into the same music and stuff) there's just so much pressure. I had a million things I could have started a conversation about but I lost all powers of reasoning. And the longer you don't talk to them, the harder it is to start talking to them. I don't advocate excessive drinking, but booze certainly helps as a social lubricant! Unfortunately, I don't drink that much! What's a girl to do?!


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## Waxwing (Mar 25, 2007)

pattycake said:


> *lol* I think as you said, when you see someone who's so PERFECT (got the look you love, clearly into the same music and stuff) there's just so much pressure. I had a million things I could have started a conversation about but I lost all powers of reasoning. And the longer you don't talk to them, the harder it is to start talking to them. I don't advocate excessive drinking, but booze certainly helps as a social lubricant! Unfortunately, I don't drink that much! What's a girl to do?!


 
Booze helps, but man there's nothing more embarrassing than slurring an indistinct pick up line vaguely in the direction of your intended, only to turn and attempt a sexy exit and instead fall flat on your thankfully numbed ass. 

Not that I've ever done that. Just sayin.


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## lemmink (Mar 26, 2007)

Eeeee, I do that too. It's so much easier to be comfortable around guys who you don't want to jump... and then of course the guy you fancy who you ignore all night will go away thinking you hate them... argh. I guess you've just got to bite the bullet. Or even just throw a smile his way, see how far that takes you.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 27, 2007)

You want to talk about stupid??? I went to the first stop on the train this morning. I went all the way up to the first car and sat in the seat at the very front near the conductor. little by little people are milling in and this gorgeous BHM gets on. I had to clench my teeth to keep my tongue from hanging out of my mouth.  

Now, I had ample opportunity to talk to him and in retrospect I should have. But at the time I was so overwhelmed that I missed the chance completely. First, her walks in, looks both ways, then walks in my direction and takes the seat next to me. Mind you the train is practically EMPTY. He looks at me and cracks a slight smile and I do the same and turn away, never looking at him again because I figure it's rude. :doh: My biggest drawback is over-politeness.

WORSE, I had a perfect in for a conversation starter because the guy had no coat or jacket on, wasn't carrying a bag or anything - just the newspaper and a coffee. It was 33 degrees out but temps are expected to rise to about 65 today so either somebody dropped him off or he drove to the station in his car. He had no ring. I could have said, "Hey, where's your coat?" which is what I WOULD have said if he was just some random kid I felt no relation to. We could have chatted about the weather, I could have asked if he lived in the town, slid a little closer and asked if I could have a sip of his coffee, handed him my card - you know, the usual morning banter. I'm such a loser.


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 27, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> He looks at me and cracks a slight smile and I do the same and turn away, never looking at him again because I figure it's rude. :doh: My biggest drawback is over-politeness.
> 
> , "Hey, where's your coat?" which is what I WOULD have said if he was just some random kid I felt no relation to. We could have chatted about the weather, I could have asked if he lived in the town, slid a little closer and asked if I could have a sip of his coffee, handed him my card - you know, the usual morning banter. I'm such a loser.




(*((LILLY)) YOU ARE SO NOT A LOSER...you are human just like me....we have to live and LEARN FROM OUR WAYs.....you know..love the only game if you don't play YOU CAN"T win.....we all have our fears for sure..mine...real happiness...COMMITTMENT...worthiness of what i want / am due...same old same old....I was a *FAT GIRL* for years and years and NOT HAPPY about it..had I known what I do now..my life might have been beyond my wildest dreams as it is MOST DAYS TODAY....but hence I suffer from that never feeling pretty or good enough..I work on the good old self esteem stuff all the time...and I could ramble forever...but go figure I can easily talk to very good lookin (traditional so to speak) guys and have no qualms..but the sexier then hell FAT ONE? hell no LOLOLOL.... i slay myself..

*


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## Tad (Mar 27, 2007)

Lilly:

The good thing about commuting is that there is a good chance of getting a do-over. I strongly suggest (for the vicarious pleasure of your reading audience, if nothing else!) going to that stop, at the same time, tomorrow--or whenever you are next taking that train in. There is a reasonable chance that he'll be there again. 

This time, make sure to have a bag on the seat next to you, and if you see him make a small production of moving your bag out of the way, to make it clear that you are not discouraging him. This time you can be more ready for it!

Good luck!

Regards;

-Ed


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 27, 2007)

edx said:


> Lilly:
> 
> The good thing about commuting is that there is a good chance of getting a do-over. I strongly suggest (for the vicarious pleasure of your reading audience, if nothing else!) going to that stop, at the same time, tomorrow--or whenever you are next taking that train in. There is a reasonable chance that he'll be there again.
> 
> ...





*always the FA...donuts might be a nice ICE BREAKER :eat2: *


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 27, 2007)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *always the FA...donuts might be a nice ICE BREAKER :eat2: *



No, then all the other greedy buzzards on the train will want some too.  I'm seriously considering following edx's advice though. He was like John Goodman hot only add another 75 pounds give or take. VERY chewy.


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 27, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> No, then all the other greedy buzzards on the train will want some too.  I'm seriously considering following edx's advice though. He was like John Goodman hot only add another 75 pounds give or take. VERY chewy.



*ahhhhhhh JOHN GOODMAN..one of my first real live BHM CRUSHES for sure...*.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 27, 2007)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *ahhhhhhh JOHN GOODMAN..one of my first real live BHM CRUSHES for sure...*.



YES! And he had dark hair and was really tall. :wubu: Another deterent was that he was so well put together. His clothes were clean and pressed, he had a bag lunch and he walked on happily with no coat. He reeked of 'wife/girlfriend at home' who dropped him off.


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 27, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> YES! And he had dark hair and was really tall. :wubu: Another deterent was that he was so well put together. His clothes were clean and pressed, he had a bag lunch and he walked on happily with no coat. He reeked of 'wife/girlfriend at home' who dropped him off.


*
Know the look too well  someones making him those bag lunches perhaps.....but he was very *FLIRTATIOUS* which never stopped a married/attached man in my experience , listen to me PROJEcTING LIKE CRAZY lololol :wubu: 
*


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 27, 2007)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *
> Know the look too well  someones making him those bag lunches perhaps.....but he was very *FLIRTATIOUS* which never stopped a married/attached man in my experience , listen to me PROJEcTING LIKE CRAZY lololol :wubu:
> *



On the other hand, if *I* were his girlfriend it would be no boon to him at all. I'm such a grub. Besides that the lunches I'd make for him would not fit in a brown bag. He would need at least a small cooler with ice packs, and a microwave at work. No boloney in my house!


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## Tad (Mar 27, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> YES! And he had dark hair and was really tall. :wubu: Another deterent was that he was so well put together. His clothes were clean and pressed, he had a bag lunch and he walked on happily with no coat. He reeked of 'wife/girlfriend at home' who dropped him off.



Well, the no coat is puzzling. But I was probably better put together going out the door when I was living on my own than I am now. Had those dull evenings to get my ironing done and my lunch made! Plus of course, was a little more worried about the image that I was projecting to strangers. 

Just saying--don't talk yourself out of checking.

-Ed


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 27, 2007)

Thanks Ed. I'll keep that in mind.


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## fat hiker (Mar 27, 2007)

Re, no coat. 33 degrees, going to 65 - if I were having one of my "warm days", and it wasn't windy, I might well venture out in the morning without a coat - especially if it were sunny. Of course, if he drove to the station himself, then definitely "without a coat" would be an option.

Too much coat just makes me too sweaty in the morning - better to run a little cool. I know the stereotype is that fat guys always run hot, but for me its true!


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 27, 2007)

fat hiker said:


> Re, no coat. 33 degrees, going to 65 - if I were having one of my "warm days", and it wasn't windy, I might well venture out in the morning without a coat - especially if it were sunny. Of course, if he drove to the station himself, then definitely "without a coat" would be an option.
> 
> Too much coat just makes me too sweaty in the morning - better to run a little cool. I know the stereotype is that fat guys always run hot, but for me its true!



I have early morning hours, I'm out on the street at 6:00 am. So lets say it was around 6:30 in the mroning, 33 degrees out, expected to rise to 65. Another thing, he traveled unusually light. Everybody had a bag, a coffee, a newspaper, another bag, etc. He sprung on to the train practically hands free. My thinking is he knew he wasn't going to wear the coat going home and didn't feel like lugging it around under his arm so he just left it and figured he'd endure the chill. It's possible he runs hot too.

See, now you all got me insanely curious. I'm tempted to take the same route tomorrow just so I can see what happens but I know I won't run into him again.


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 27, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> See, now you all got me insanely curious. I'm tempted to take the same route tomorrow just so I can see what happens but I know I won't run into him again.




*now now now ((((LILLY GIRL))))....you get back what you put out *IMHO*..so if you put that positive VIBE out there who knows what might come back...

you know its easier to smile at people than frown...and the results for me even when I am in a B_IATCHY mood....is if I can turn that 'tude around...people surely respond much better when I am smiling then not....my .02cents*


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 27, 2007)

_*"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to HDANGEL15 again."*​_
I guess I already told you how much you rock! :wubu:


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 27, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> _*"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to HDANGEL15 again."*​_
> 
> I guess I already told you how much you rock! :wubu:


*
BACK AT YOU SISTER...we all rock..we just need to remember that MOST DAYS......  *


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## pattycake (Mar 27, 2007)

Best of luck, Lilly! Hope you see him again and manage to break the ice. Him choosing to sit next to you and cracking a smile your way sound like good signs. 
Also, I hope you bump into your fully-sleeved BHM again HDAngel and get a second chance.
And I apologise to the BHM at the gig I was at if he got the impression that I was ignoring him, wasn't interested or was being a rude bitch?! Believe me, I would have liked to make the exact OPPOSITE impression. What the hell is wrong with me?! :doh:


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## Kiki (Mar 29, 2007)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *
> Know the look too well  someones making him those bag lunches perhaps.....but he was very *FLIRTATIOUS* which never stopped a married/attached man in my experience , listen to me PROJEcTING LIKE CRAZY lololol :wubu:
> *



Lives with his mother maybe?


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 29, 2007)

Kiki said:


> Lives with his mother maybe?



I was trying to push that thought faaar to the back.  then again, mom would never let him go out without a coat.

I haven't run into him again.


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## fatlilboy (Mar 29, 2007)

We BHM's just wish you'd grab us by the hand.....tell us how gorgeous you know we are.....and attack us furiously.....and kiss us, knead our fat, and knock us to the nearest soft, cushiony couch or bed!! Well, at least I want that to happen. (Even add a little force feeding for my taste of the fat fetish). I do enjoy the coy eye of a female admirer.....followed by timid conversation and the build, so no.....I don't really think you're dorks. You're just cute and adorable admirers of us tender loving souls.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 29, 2007)

fatlilboy said:


> We BHM's just wish you'd grab us by the hand.....tell us how gorgeous you know we are.....and attack us furiously.....and kiss us, knead our fat, and knock us to the nearest soft, cushiony couch or bed!! .....



That is exactly what was running through my mind but I was afraid the other commuters wouldn't like it. *meow* though.


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## bradlm (Mar 29, 2007)

easy, you don't wanna get turned down..happens to all of us. You miss out on possible opportunities because of a fear opf rejection. Used to happen to me all the time. Online, it's easy, rejection in person really sucks.


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## LillyBBBW (Mar 29, 2007)

Well as a general rule, just because you are into someone doesn't necessarily mean they're going to be into you. For all I know this guy probably doesn't even like fat chicks. That thought loomed in my mind making me fear that I would make a total jackass of myself slobbering all over him. Plus everyone I like is either gay or married, lucky me. There's so much to overcome when you're trying to strike up a convo with someone you really dig. That's why it's always good to talk things out like this and get some practice at it.


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## Tad (Mar 29, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> For all I know this guy probably doesn't even like fat chicks. .



OK, that is possible--but didn't you say that on an almost emtpy train he came and sat beside you (close to you? I don't remember your exact wording). If he was turned off by 'fat chicks' then I suspect he would not have sat anywhere close to you--it could be contagious and all.

Not to say he is an FA, but I'm doubting any major bias.

--Ed


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