# Does anyone know how I could get my girlfriend to be more open about her weight



## HARTWELLM (Jan 25, 2016)

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now. We have a great relationship and are very open with one another. She knows how I feel about bigger women. She is a bit self-consious about her weight(size 16 and 5' tall) but won't tell me her weight. Does anyone know how I could get her to be more open about her weight


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## FreeThinker (Jan 26, 2016)

Above all, don't hector her about it. 

Having been together for over a year, it seems you have a connection beyond the physical. Is a number truly that important?

There is always, of course the "If she won't tell me her weight, what else is she not telling me?" argument, but I doubt it has any real merit.

Don't try to trick her into telling you, and don't try to find out secretly. She will know, and it will feel to her like you're cheating on her, not with another woman, but with a fantasy, and that would be a very helpless and demoralizing feeling. 

Frustrating? Sure, maybe, but ask yourself this:

*Is there any number that would be unacceptable?*

I suspect not. Enjoy the company, the emotions, and, yes, the softness. Math is an abstract concept that needn't displace real feelings and experiences. 









(She'll probably tell you one day, when she's ready. At some point, we all abandon secrecy.)


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## landshark (Jan 26, 2016)

Do you like the way she looks? If so why does the weight even matter? It's just a number on a scale.


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## agouderia (Jan 26, 2016)

A woman not telling her partner her actual weight is the most normal thing in the world. It's a very intimate piece of information many people - men also btw - don't like to share, comparable to their exact bank account balance. Both are numbers that come morally loaded.

The world probably falls into 2 categories in this question: Those for whom the number on the scale is a fetish - be it positive or negative. Reaching weight goals - no matter whether high or low - or failing to do so.

Social mainstream tries to insinutate this focussing on the numbers is normal and pressures individuals to succumb.

The second category are those who refuse to deal with the number on the scale, be it because of hurtful experiences or out of principle.


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## Tad (Jan 26, 2016)

Seconding all of the above. I mean, of course you want to know her weight, and if it is going up or down, and if I had to guess I’d say you’d be happy to know her waist, hip and bust measurements, and probably wouldn’t complain if you could also know how big around her thighs are, and …

At least, that is how a lot of FA feel. Guys in general seem to be more inclined to like to have numbers for things (although obviously there is tremendous variety between guys). 

So, how do you handle that gnawing curiosity? I’d suggest remind yourself that while to you her weight may be a measurement of how beautifully fat she is, to her it is probably a measure of how much of a failure she is -- because society has told her for most of her life that managing her weight &#8216;appropriately’ is the most fundamental thing she is expected to do, and that none of her other successes are all that legitimate if she can’t do that. That she could win the Nobel prize, and half the coverage would be about her size. OK, I exaggerate slightly there, but it is probably safest to assume that on bad days, that is how it feels to her.

And no, the fact that her being fat appeals to you doesn’t undo the fact that to most of society it is a bad thing, and it is how she has no doubt been taught to view things.

So, when you want to know, remind yourself that talking about that number is just grinding a measurement of failure into her psyche, and probably making her feel worse about her body.

For now. Maybe someday it won’t matter to her as much, at least some of the time.

Now, if you really need a numbers fix, figure out if you can spare the money to buy her some clothes. Practical clothes are always nice, but impractical but fun clothes that she might not buy for herself can be good too. And speaking of those latter, Valentine’s day is coming up …. So if for example you’ like to see her in a trashy lace body-suit with stockings, you buy that for her as part of her present, and your present is that she models it for you (and the other part of her present is seeing how totally turned on you are &#8211; which can be evidence far stronger than words of how much you find her sexy the way she is). Of course to buy such a thing you need to figure out the sizing, and given that sizes are NOT consistent across stores/brands it is not insane to find out measurements. 

If you do decide to take that route I advise making sure you have a proper measuring tape, and take the measurements from behind her, telling her that she doesn’t need to know the numbers for what you are planning. So that would be bust (measured over a well fitted bra), waist (narrowest point, but you might also want to check at waistband level, some items care about one, some the other), and fullest point on the hips. As a bonus, to buy thigh-high stockings, you’ll need her thigh circumference  (although given how short she is, stockings could be a challenge, so talk to a sales clerk about sizing &#8211; stockings can generally trade off height vs circumference to some degree, because that is how that fabric works)


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## lucca23v2 (Jan 26, 2016)

Numbers on a scale are subjective. a 5' woman can weight the same as a women that is 6'tall and the looks are totally different because the bodies are different. Two people who wear the same size can be 20 to 30 lbs lighter/heavier than the other.. 

You would need to ask yourself why the number is so important to you.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jan 27, 2016)

Yes to the above.

She also may not know (or want to know).

I go by how I feel and fit alone because I dont think I look as heavy as the scale says I am. Every time I do I have to fight off a "blegh" moment.

For my hubby, he has occassionally let me weigh him as long as he doesn't hear the number:..but the problem is we fa get all excited - which means the number is high - which is that same knowledge they were trying to avoid.

You say she knows - you can try asking for her to step in the scale as a birthday present to you. You may never convince her to like her weight, but she could offer it up as a treat to you. Just keep in mind that the revelation may get you raring to go, but it may dull her sexual mood for a short time.


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