# Very little activity on this forum now



## blubberismanly (Jun 28, 2018)

Last time I was here, granted this was multiple years ago, the place was buzzing with life. Sometimes it was hard to keep up with everyone's replies. Nowadays it seems forum involvement has slowed to a crawl.

I understand as years pass people change their forums and opinions with them. But in this case we all share a very uncommon preference, and there aren't very many places to connect. Online is really the only option. In real life...well, good luck.

Anyway, I'm out of the loop. What has changed? Was there a mass exodus when the forums were redone? I expected it to be different, but not this different. I can tell the trends have changed, I just don't know when or how. Please enlighten me. Thanks.

EDIT: I've also noticed the main site no longer exists. All the other fat fetish sites are gone, and I remember a long list of them. It was bound to happen. Right now I'm just curious of what I've missed.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jun 28, 2018)

I hadn't been on in ages i guess just life etc. I do see a few people i remember from long ago. I guess this happens with most all forums. Just now noticed the remodel since i hadnt been in awhile.


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## ScreamingChicken (Jun 28, 2018)

Things that led to a mass exodus from Dims include

Facebook
WLS
Death
In fighting here on the forums
People just moving on with life 

Hell, you could apply those reasons to other fat acceptance sites and NAAAFA as well.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jun 28, 2018)

ScreamingChicken said:


> Things led to a mass exodus from Dims include
> 
> Facebook
> WLS
> ...



I agree sometimes it is just signs of the times. There are so many social media stuff FB instagram etc Twitter that people go to now. I still log in here from time to time.


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## blubberismanly (Jun 28, 2018)

What happened to the main site? I just assume it wasn't financially viable anymore.


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## AmyJo1976 (Jun 28, 2018)

There's activity here! Not as much as used to be, but hopefully that will change  Get involved!


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## Tad (Jun 28, 2018)

Once upon a time this was the only site for fat chat that had many people on it, so by default it was the site everyone came to for fat chat -- and then to keep up with the friends they'd made here. Not everyone liked the general tone of the site, or the discussion board format, but there wasn't a lot of choice.

Now there are tons of ways to stay in touch, and there are many more places to connect around various aspects of fat. People can find what suits them best, and sometimes people also just want something new and different. Discussion boards are pretty out of style. *shrug* things change.


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## blubberismanly (Jun 28, 2018)

I've noticed some of the posts here go back to 2003. I remember those days. Makes me feel very old and out of touch. But I do see your point. It just seems hard to find places for such niche chat elsewhere. Dating sites are hardly the place. I dunno...maybe I just dig nostalgia. Getting sentimental in my old age. Something like that.


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## TwoSwords (Jun 28, 2018)

blubberismanly said:


> EDIT: I've also noticed the main site no longer exists. All the other fat fetish sites are gone, and I remember a long list of them. It was bound to happen. Right now I'm just curious of what I've missed.



I've had some discussions about this with some of the older members, and the consensus seems to be that, as with television eradicating attendance at stage plays, the major-company social media sites have drawn all the attention away from specialized forums and websites like this one.

However, I also think there are other factors, perhaps more important. I think the current near-wars between men and women have been further fueled by the divisive expelling of men from fat acceptance as a cause, so more division has been caused, and that's never good for socializing. I don't, however, agree with Tad that there are many more places to connect around various aspects of fat. There are more places to talk about *certain, specific *aspects of it, which are relatively mainstream, but authentic niche chat is far from easy to find.


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## ScreamingChicken (Jun 29, 2018)

Authentic niche "fat" chat is pretty much relegated to Facebook and other social media platforms, whether it's specialized groups or circles of fat friends & admireres. At least that's the observation that I have made. 

The near-wars between men and women that TwoSwords touched on has also been a legitimate factor as well.


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## BigElectricKat (Jun 29, 2018)

I found this site last year while I searched on the subject of FA and initially found it very interesting. I tried to get involved and learn from real people and not just from "Wikipedia" about such things. At first I learned a great deal about the breadth and width (no puns intended) of FA and what it meant to different people. But I got into trouble expressing my POV and had to finally withdraw from the community for a while. I only recently came back and it does seem as though there isn't as much activity as there used to be. I really have a genuine need to learn and get various opinions so I came back.


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## Tad (Jun 29, 2018)

I do think that younger people exploring the net for fat stuff are finding Feabie more often to their taste. It has that Facebook style newsfeed that is a) familiar, because Facebook style, and b) closer to chatting than to the letters to the editor style exchanges of web boards. (Don't forget that part of what drove Dimensions early popularity was it's chat room.). Your words are ancient history in an hour in that sort of format, but attention and responses (andand validation) can happen in a minute. Also more pictures.

Add in various other smaller sites that have some devotees putting their time and energy there, Facebook groups, and other social media (tumblr BBW and bhm pages for example), and all the web models that let FA who just want to 'admire' without really interacting do so ..... And it really doesn't leave so many people/energy for a site like this.

I think you come here now either because you like the web board format, or because you are emotionally invested in the site.


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## andycarter (Jul 3, 2018)

Facebook has killed almost all web forums. Thing is, facebook is a crappy interface for having conversations. Whether your post is seen at all is at the whim of the facebook algorithm, and then conversations just disappear. And there are no post titles, so it requires a lot of patience to look at the history of a group, and there's no useful search.


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## TwoSwords (Jul 4, 2018)

andycarter said:


> Facebook has killed almost all web forums. Thing is, facebook is a crappy interface for having conversations. Whether your post is seen at all is at the whim of the facebook algorithm, and then conversations just disappear. And there are no post titles, so it requires a lot of patience to look at the history of a group, and there's no useful search.



I think this is why I find it so weird. To me, it seems so self-evident that Facebook is not a good place to talk, and yet, lots of folks seem to have moved there, which I just don't understand. It's almost like they're not sufficiently interested in discussing their favorite topics to care if anyone replies.


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## BigElectricKat (Jul 4, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> I think this is why I find it so weird. To me, it seems so self-evident that Facebook is not a good place to talk, and yet, lots of folks seem to have moved there, which I just don't understand. It's almost like they're not sufficiently interested in discussing their favorite topics to care if anyone replies.


I guess I am really an odd duck. I don't have facebook, twitter, or any of that other stuff. Perhaps I'd better get with the times. Maybe I'll find better luck there.


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## loopytheone (Jul 4, 2018)

Facebook isn't really designed for group chat/discussions. It is designed for friends/family to talk to each other, not for you to talk to strangers/meet people. It's not really a fair comparison.

Though from what I can gather, the lack of activity in the fat-loving world in general is due to a number of things. People getting old/dying/moving on is a big one, as is the lack of new/young people being encouraged for a long time. Amongst people my age, Dims was always derided as being full of middle aged people that just wanted to argue and honestly, as I recall, even back in the day it wasn't the most welcoming place for young people. So unsurprising that we didn't get involved and went elsewhere instead.

As well, young people are excellent at finding/creating subcultures for themselves anywhere. We don't need specific sites/forums for talking about/to fat people, because we can create our own subcommunity on tumblr, twitter, reddit, youtube etc etc. And frankly, us 'young' people aren't so young anymore - I'm approaching my 30s - and we are taking up a bigger and bigger percentage of the active, enthusiastic online population. 

The lack of an instant chatting software really hurts here too. Chat was always popular before it got pulled. Not my thing, but it draws a different and wider audience than forums alone. Of course, there is the issue of how that would be moderated nowdays; the entire 4 mods we have now can't possibly be expected to a) sit on the chat 24/7 or b) know how to use that software, so it would likely become over ran with spam, as well as potential fighting, inappropriate language, threats etc etc. 

Over the years, lots of people have tried to make their own fat community space/website and it's never really taken off.


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## ScreamingChicken (Jul 4, 2018)

I was watching a video on YouTube a while back from a younger lady who was not very welcomed by some of the other women at a BBW dance in i believe Chicago. Multiple people in the comments were supportive of her and stated that they were probably "those mean old women from Dimensions ". I have also seen similar allusions to Dims elsewhere. This place, for better or worse, has developed a reputation as being unwelcoming.


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## BigElectricKat (Jul 4, 2018)

ScreamingChicken said:


> I was watching a video on YouTube a while back from a younger lady who was not very welcomed by some of the other women at a BBW dance in i believe Chicago. Multiple people in the comments were supportive of her and stated that they were probably "those mean old women from Dimensions ". I have also seen similar allusions to Dims elsewhere. This place, for better or worse, has developed a reputation as being unwelcoming.


My first venture into this community last year was not the most welcoming either. I had legitmate questions about things as I was just really learning what FA was all about. Of course, I held onto some notions about being fat/loving fat and the like. There were a couple of times when other Dimmers lashed out at me for my questions or stances on certain subjects. I also saw where a young woman came on here and made some statements or asked questions and someone jsut royally attacked her! Suffice it to say, she never came back.
As for me, I decided to come back and give this place another chance. So far, I'm glad I did.


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## TwoSwords (Jul 4, 2018)

loopytheone said:


> We don't need specific sites/forums for talking about/to fat people, because we can create our own subcommunity on tumblr, twitter, reddit, youtube etc etc.



No to both reddit and youtube. It just doesn't exist there. Tumblr has its own problems, and as for twitter, while it's fine for short blurbs and chats, it's hardly a venue for the expression of complex ideas or long explanations of various things.



loopytheone said:


> Over the years, lots of people have tried to make their own fat community space/website and it's never really taken off.



There must be a fine distinction between this quote and the first, which I simply haven't picked up on.


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## TwoSwords (Jul 4, 2018)

BigElectricKat said:


> My first venture into this community last year was not the most welcoming either. I had legitmate questions about things as I was just really learning what FA was all about. Of course, I held onto some notions about being fat/loving fat and the like. There were a couple of times when other Dimmers lashed out at me for my questions or stances on certain subjects. I also saw where a young woman came on here and made some statements or asked questions and someone jsut royally attacked her! Suffice it to say, she never came back.



My first couple months on here were largely combative as well. If I hadn't already been trained in philosophical self-defense in the war-torn battlefields of Youtube, I might have gone elsewhere and that would have been that.


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## loopytheone (Jul 4, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> No to both reddit and youtube. It just doesn't exist there. Tumblr has its own problems, and as for twitter, while it's fine for short blurbs and chats, it's hardly a venue for the expression of complex ideas or long explanations of various things.



If you don't like them or find them useful that is fine, but this post wasn't directed at you and what you specifically find useful/interesting.

I actually used to be a part of the youtube fatty community, albeit under a different name, and it's actually how I met my current partner and some of my best friends. These communities might not appeal to everyone, but they are certainly there if you know where to look.


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## mrtubby (Jul 4, 2018)

Hi everyone!

I've never commented on here at all and just today completed my profile. It would be nice to make some new friends who also enjoy the fatter side of life.  I'm not a fan of FB and would like a more civilized forum for communication. Now does anyone have any ice cream?


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## Yakatori (Jul 4, 2018)

ScreamingChicken said:


> _...stated that they were probably "those mean old women from Dimensions ". I have also seen similar allusions to Dims elsewhere. This place, for better or worse, has developed a reputation as being unwelcoming._



People are 'nice' to those they perceive as like-minded. They tend not to really consider the feelings of those for whom they feel a natural antipathy.


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## DragonFly (Jul 4, 2018)

I’ve been on and off Dimensions since 2005. The main difference between then and now is that in the past there was a large core group of fat women that were vocal and did not accept objectification. The male to female balance has shifted. More male identified participants and relatively few non paysite females contribute. In the past, long essays on fat and how things are/are not, were met with criticism. It is hard as a superfat female to read these kinds of discussions dominated by males and from a limited perspective and just agree. Then the topic is broken down into a dissection of minute points, and then the soapboxes are pulled out. The reason for this forum is then obliterated in this type of self serving back and forth. Dimensions where big is beautiful. This place was designed to bring big people and their admirers together, not provide a tool to practice combative debate. The style in which many of these threads are written drives people away. If a supperfat woman posts in a thread and everyone is just thinking of how they are going to make their point, did it really happen.


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## TwoSwords (Jul 5, 2018)

loopytheone said:


> If you don't like them or find them useful that is fine, but this post wasn't directed at you and what you specifically find useful/interesting.
> 
> I actually used to be a part of the youtube fatty community, albeit under a different name, and it's actually how I met my current partner and some of my best friends. These communities might not appeal to everyone, but they are certainly there if you know where to look.



I find this difficult to believe, because none of the searches I've done have turned anything up. At least, nothing recent.

P.S.: You actually didn't direct that first post at anyone, so I assume anyone is free to reply.


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## TwoSwords (Jul 5, 2018)

Yakatori said:


> People are 'nice' to those they perceive as like-minded. They tend not to really consider the feelings of those for whom they feel a natural antipathy.



Especially nowadays, when lots of people broadcast their negative feelings, not because they really need cheering up, but as a ploy to try to control others.


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## TwoSwords (Jul 5, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> I’ve been on and off Dimensions since 2005. The main difference between then and now is that in the past there was a large core group of fat women that were vocal and did not accept objectification. The male to female balance has shifted. More male identified participants and relatively few non paysite females contribute. In the past, long essays on fat and how things are/are not, were met with criticism. It is hard as a superfat female to read these kinds of discussions dominated by males and from a limited perspective and just agree. Then the topic is broken down into a dissection of minute points, and then the soapboxes are pulled out. The reason for this forum is then obliterated in this type of self serving back and forth. Dimensions where big is beautiful. This place was designed to bring big people and their admirers together, not provide a tool to practice combative debate. The style in which many of these threads are written drives people away. If a supperfat woman posts in a thread and everyone is just thinking of how they are going to make their point, did it really happen.



I think the point of confusion here is that fatness is an inherently-objective quality. One either possesses it or does not. Those who like that quality will continue to like it, regardless of what the fat person themselves says. That's just kind of life. Indeed, the ability to like fatness should be the backbone of a community like this one. Yet, all you get are arguments from the simplest statements to that effect.


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## ScreamingChicken (Jul 5, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> I’ve been on and off Dimensions since 2005. The main difference between then and now is that in the past there was a large core group of fat women that were vocal and did not accept objectification. The male to female balance has shifted. More male identified participants and relatively few non paysite females contribute. In the past, long essays on fat and how things are/are not, were met with criticism. It is hard as a superfat female to read these kinds of discussions dominated by males and from a limited perspective and just agree. Then the topic is broken down into a dissection of minute points, and then the soapboxes are pulled out. The reason for this forum is then obliterated in this type of self serving back and forth. Dimensions where big is beautiful. This place was designed to bring big people and their admirers together, not provide a tool to practice combative debate. The style in which many of these threads are written drives people away. If a superfat woman posts in a thread and everyone is just thinking of how they are going to make their point, did it really happen.



But among that large core of core group of fat woman was a smaller core group who essentially dominated the forums. They included moderators who allowed the female bullies and attack dogs do the dirty work of attacking members who didn't fall in line with their way of thinking. A bunch of them left after they got cross with management who didn't necessarily share their viewpoints on a number of things such as feeder-ism and and male FAs. Not to mention the Vince fiasco and the ever continuing subdivision of the board in to smaller forums. I have heard personally from inactive forum members that the increase in sub forums was a big contributor in their departures. They felt it fostered a sense of isolation between members.

Of course, there was a schism that simply couldn't be overcome...a group of dominant females trying to a control a forum started by a male FA.

ETA: The Soap Box proved to be a poison pill wrapped in a noble attempt at civility. It factored in to running off posters as well.


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## mrtubby (Jul 5, 2018)

These posts from today don't seem to indicate any optimism for the return of cordial, insightful and generally enjoyable discourse and that's a shame. A little humor and sharing of one's interest and enjoyment in leading the fat life would be a welcome development here would it not?
Is there no hope for that?


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## DragonFly (Jul 5, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> I think the point of confusion here is that fatness is an inherently-objective quality. One either possesses it or does not. Those who like that quality will continue to like it, regardless of what the fat person themselves says. That's just kind of life. Indeed, the ability to like fatness should be the backbone of a community like this one. Yet, all you get are arguments from the simplest statements to that effect.



When you reply to a post you very methodically reply to the words not often to the meaning of what is there. It is daunting to someone who is here for interaction and not a complete disection of their every thought. 

Your confusion here is that you separate the FAT from the person. That covering of adipose tissue is surrounding a person. We have to deal with the people not just the art of being fat. The backbone to the community is people not just the squishy skin suits.


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## DragonFly (Jul 5, 2018)

mrtubby said:


> These posts from today don't seem to indicate any optimism for the return of cordial, insightful and generally enjoyable discourse and that's a shame. A little humor and sharing of one's interest and enjoyment in leading the fat life would be a welcome development here would it not?
> Is there no hope for that?



I disagree, I just think that we need to bring some other topics into this discussion about the covering to people. I think there is definately a way to bring it back, lamenting the loss of yesteryear is not the way to do it.


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## DragonFly (Jul 5, 2018)

ScreamingChicken said:


> But among that large core of core group of fat woman was a smaller core group who essentially dominated the forums. They included moderators who allowed the female bullies and attack dogs do the dirty work of attacking members who didn't fall in line with their way of thinking. A bunch of them left after they got cross with management who didn't necessarily share their viewpoints on a number of things such as feeder-ism and and male FAs. Not to mention the Vince fiasco and the ever continuing subdivision of the board in to smaller forums. I have heard personally from inactive forum members that the increase in sub forums was a big contributor in their departures. They felt it fostered a sense of isolation between members.
> 
> Of course, there was a schism that simply couldn't be overcome...a group of dominant females trying to a control a forum started by a male FA.
> 
> ETA: The Soap Box proved to be a poison pill wrapped in a noble attempt at civility. It factored in to running off posters as well.



I am looking at the “former” boards from inside. The divisions were requested by the participants. The vocal group of women were moderated just like everyone else, even though popular opinion did not think that it was happening. (the problem of things happening from behind the scenes - I should know I took a lot of heat at times as did the other mods). The FA that created the board controlled the board at that time. I can guarantee that! Of course this is just my opinion as we all expierence things through our own perspective.


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## ScreamingChicken (Jul 5, 2018)

I look at things from someone who joined the board in 2005 and later created a Facebook group of Dimensions expatriates in 2015. I have been fortunate to see people discuss in a forum outside of Dimensions what went wrong with Dimensions for them. A few also confided to me in private where things went wrong for them. It's all about perception and Dimensions, realistically, has had a perception problem going back about ten years now. Yes, the main players who helped form that perception are out of the game but the fallout is still here. 

Two other things I don't see being discussed was how the management change a few years back scared people off . The wake of CastingPearls' death also caused a lot of hard feeling among the community as well.


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## DragonFly (Jul 5, 2018)

ScreamingChicken said:


> I look at things from someone who joined the board in 2005 and later created a Facebook group of Dimensions expatriates in 2015. I have been fortunate to see people discuss in a forum outside of Dimensions what went wrong with Dimensions for them. A few also confided to me in private where things went wrong for them. It's all about perception and Dimensions, realistically, has had a perception problem going back about ten years now. Yes, the main players who helped form that perception are out of the game but the fallout is still here.
> 
> Two other things I don't see being discussed was how the management change a few years back scared people off . The wake of CastingPearls' death also caused a lot of hard feeling among the community as well.



The change was pretty dramatic - Help me understand what happened with CastingPearl’s death, that caused a lot of hard feelings?


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## fuelingfire (Jul 5, 2018)

For awhile I was making posts hoping to spark more conversion. But it was usually just the same handful people who would respond. If there was much of a response at all.

I got tired of engaging in philosophical discussions here. I just felt like my thought-out replies were being nitpicked on side details rather than focusing on my message (this is not really aimed at anyone specifically). Then spend multiple post trying to get the discussion back to my message. Only to feel that my viewpoint is just being ignored. It ends up feeling like a waste of time.

The point where I became less interested in adding content was in a thread happilymarried and I were talking about times when we received odd response from people, as we are fit men with ssbbw partners. Around 70ish posts into the thread, a long time member comes in and derails the thread by asking if anyone else is sick of happilymarried bragging about himself. She later twisted it to saying that HM enjoys feeling superior to his wife, which was never said or implied. I was surprised that other than myself and I think Tracii, no one really defended him. Considering he is a very frequent poster I thought more regulars would have had his back.

I am not really sure which facebook groups everyone is referring to. The only one I am really a member of is the Living Large Chicago-Milwaukee page.


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## ScreamingChicken (Jul 5, 2018)

Some of these groups are public, closed, or private. You have a better chance of knowing about them if you already have friends on your Facebook who are also members of the fat community. My particular group is secret, we don't solicit new membership and you have to be admitted by member invitation and admin approval only. It is , IMO, the best way to keep out the trolls and minimize the drama. THe downside is that the group is pretty quiet with the exception of a small core of members.


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## LifelongFA (Jul 5, 2018)

fuelingfire said:


> For awhile I was making posts hoping to spark more conversion. But it was usually just the same handful people who would respond. If there was much of a response at all.
> 
> I got tired of engaging in philosophical discussions here. I just felt like my thought-out replies were being nitpicked on side details rather than focusing on my message (this is not really aimed at anyone specifically). Then spend multiple post trying to get the discussion back to my message. Only to feel that my viewpoint is just being ignored. It ends up feeling like a waste of time.
> 
> ...



I am a new member here, and I may be guilty of over-posting, but I too, was and am hopeful of sparking conversations about subjects that only a group like this would ever be able to relate to. Somehow, in this day in age with many advances having been made to a number of groups that have been slighted or marginalized in the past, a high level of hostility and often a lack of tolerance remains. Most of us who have been involved in the size acceptance world have experienced our own pain because of who we are in a world that doesn't often get us. I don't think attacking ourselves is advancing the cause or a means of expanding the group here.


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## DragonFly (Jul 5, 2018)

fuelingfire said:


> For awhile I was making posts hoping to spark more conversion. But it was usually just the same handful people who would respond. If there was much of a response at all.
> 
> I got tired of engaging in philosophical discussions here. I just felt like my thought-out replies were being nitpicked on side details rather than focusing on my message (this is not really aimed at anyone specifically). Then spend multiple post trying to get the discussion back to my message. Only to feel that my viewpoint is just being ignored. It ends up feeling like a waste of time.
> 
> ...


I totally get your feeling that the message is not getting past the dissection of what you are saying. I run into that quite a bit. I don’t have an answer but I’m willing to keep working to find a solution.


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## BigElectricKat (Jul 6, 2018)

*"What we've got here is, failure to communicate"*


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## TwoSwords (Jul 6, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> When you reply to a post you very methodically reply to the words not often to the meaning of what is there. It is daunting to someone who is here for interaction and not a complete disection of their every thought.
> 
> Your confusion here is that you separate the FAT from the person. That covering of adipose tissue is surrounding a person. We have to deal with the people not just the art of being fat. The backbone to the community is people not just the squishy skin suits.



I truly regret that the last reformatting of the website has made it hard, if not impossible, to locate the statement made about the purpose of dimensions when it was founded. However, I do remember reading it, and I don't remember it saying that these forums were founded on an interest in people.

This is also a bit of a red herring. Of course people are involved in every community. People compose every community. You are a person and so am I. This is not surprising. However, if it were only the personhood of said people that formed the reason for this board's existence, it wouldn't exist at all. There are many other larger, more successful message boards online, which impose no significant restrictions on who can post, and on what topic. The only remaining possible reason for choosing a less-popular, less-successful, less-conspicuous message board like this one is that you wish to discuss a topic not otherwise widely-discussed, or widely-accepted on other boards. If that topic is not fatness, what is it?

I also think it's odd that you refer to my replies as not being "interaction" because I'm analyzing what people say, so that I can better understand it. Thorough analysis is just the way I normally think, and that doesn't seem any less "acting upon another" than a 400 char-or-less twitter post would be.


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## TwoSwords (Jul 6, 2018)

ScreamingChicken said:


> Some of these groups are public, closed, or private. You have a better chance of knowing about them if you already have friends on your Facebook who are also members of the fat community. My particular group is secret, we don't solicit new membership and you have to be admitted by member invitation and admin approval only. It is , IMO, the best way to keep out the trolls and minimize the drama. THe downside is that the group is pretty quiet with the exception of a small core of members.



Sadly, a different method, but a similar result; silence.

As a person who is regularly incensed by the lack of a constructive, supportive venue for struggling FAs to discuss their feelings, it really saddens me to hear this. I'm sure it's less work to maintain when membership is that restrictive, but once again, the online desert stretches out before me.


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## DragonFly (Jul 6, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> I also think it's odd that you refer to my replies as not being "interaction" because I'm analyzing what people say, so that I can better understand it. Thorough analysis is just the way I normally think, and that doesn't seem any less "acting upon another" than a 400 char-or-less twitter post would be.



TwoSwords the statement above is why it isn’t interaction. You are going line by line analyzing what people say, often times it is confusing, frustrating and can come across as self serving. You say you are “ analyzing what people say, so that I can better understand it. “ breaking each post down into these minute bits often loses the message. It derails the topic when a poster feels they have to defend every word when it is a concept or more complex idea they need to express. 

This thread is about there being very little traffic on this site now as compared to prior years. The base reason for that is complex. Many of us in this thread have given examples of things that have happened and have added our thoughts. For you to say that these boards were not about people, the whole person, but just about the fat, is not describing any form of Dimensions, Dimensions Magazine, Fat Sig, or anything about this community. This is a community for fatties and fatty admirers. 

I am now totally confused as to what you are looking for in a place to inhabit on the inter webs .


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## Recardo Admirer (Jul 6, 2018)

There is no end of debating about on line forums. I think the more pressing issue is the revival of the offline community. It is there where we can reclaim our humanity and genuine human inter-action. The internet is not a panacea. We have to overcome the isolation.


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## TwoSwords (Jul 6, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> TwoSwords the statement above is why it isn’t interaction. You are going line by line analyzing what people say, often times it is confusing, frustrating and can come across as self serving. You say you are “ analyzing what people say, so that I can better understand it. “ breaking each post down into these minute bits often loses the message. It derails the topic when a poster feels they have to defend every word when it is a concept or more complex idea they need to express.



You're not under any obligation to defend *anything* you said. However, if I'm confusing you, imagine how I feel. Interaction is simply two things or people acting upon each other. That's what the word means. In this post, and in the last, you've apparently been using the word in a non-standard way, but haven't explained what your intended meaning is for this word. This means that I have literally no idea what you're trying to convey, and I never will, until this is explained.

Now, don't get me wrong. You don't *need* to explain it. By all means, don't feel pressured, but the fact of the matter is that the larger "message" is indecipherable until I can read the language, and to do that, I need to know what the individual words mean in this context. I simply don't.



DragonFly said:


> For you to say that these boards were not about people, the whole person, but just about the fat, is not describing any form of Dimensions, Dimensions Magazine, Fat Sig, or anything about this community.



I suppose I've just gotten the wrong impression, then. There just isn't a defining topic that characterizes these boards as a whole, and that's a shame. I may have to look elsewhere.



DragonFly said:


> I am now totally confused as to what you are looking for in a place to inhabit on the inter webs .



Simply and straightforwardly a means of expressing appreciation of physical beauty which I can see. I want to talk about fatness, like a field of lillies or a sunset at the Pacific, or the Painted Cliffs; the inspiration for all other things. I'm not complex in this regard; just rare.


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## DragonFly (Jul 7, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> You're not under any obligation to defend *anything* you said. However, if I'm confusing you, imagine how I feel. Interaction is simply two things or people acting upon each other. That's what the word means. In this post, and in the last, you've apparently been using the word in a non-standard way, but haven't explained what your intended meaning is for this word. This means that I have literally no idea what you're trying to convey, and I never will, until this is explained.
> 
> Now, don't get me wrong. You don't *need* to explain it. By all means, don't feel pressured, but the fact of the matter is that the larger "message" is indecipherable until I can read the language, and to do that, I need to know what the individual words mean in this context. I simply don't.
> 
> ...



I’m having a hard time believing that you are befuddled because you don’t feel I am using the word interaction in a usual way. 

Need to explain - you tend to offend people when you discect their posts to help yourself understand, it is condescending. I have danced around this topic a couple of times. Straight forward, you get lost in the words and are missing the context of what is going on, I don’t know how to make things clearer. Interaction is about exchanging ideas, you are just pulling them out of context. until you either get the answer you want or the other party gives up, that is less interaction and more a type of behavior that is pushing someone to either defend their point or abandon the topic. Infighting and laborious discussions of much discussed topics are often said to be a reason people left the boards. 

Your impression is wrong- This forum is about putting people into the same space to interact, fat people interacting with fat admirers. Fat admirers discussing their likes and their expierence, fat people discussing what it is like to live in a fat body. That is a petty big defining topic that characterizes these boards. Waxing poetic about fat would be better served on a personal blog, maybe a tumbler account. What you are suggesting is your goal is to present your facts and leave them to be appreciated.


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## weetabix (Jul 7, 2018)

andycarter said:


> Facebook has killed almost all web forums. Thing is, facebook is a crappy interface for having conversations. Whether your post is seen at all is at the whim of the facebook algorithm, and then conversations just disappear. And there are no post titles, so it requires a lot of patience to look at the history of a group, and there's no useful search.


 Facebook is death. 
Yes these places have flame wars and banning but it's potentially better than Facebook. Software wise this seems to be a standard GPL forum software that was installed on a server just to keep this alive. Feabe and Fantasy Feeder are purpose written websites like Dimensions used to be. 
If we want people to come here we should put up links from our own web spaces (I was going to say websites but even that seems to be a thing of the past).


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## Tad (Jul 7, 2018)

I've been around these boards since pretty much the day they started up (on the bbwqt site, before Conrad offered to host the chat room and forums because the usage level was making them too expensive for the original site to maintain). Over that time I've never not seen tensions -- between people looking for size acceptance and those prefering more of a fat eroticism focus, between feeders+feeders and those without such a preference, FA and the objects of their affection, old versus new, in versus out, men versus women, young versus old, bhm+FFA versus those who wanted only an FA+BBW focus ... 

Sometimes those tensions simmered in the background, sometimes they came to dominate things on the board, with demands that people took sides (or ''if you aren't with us you are against us'). Generally the worst squalls blew over in time, but some were recurring issues.

Various sub-boards were one attempt to ease some of those tensions, as I understand it. To a substantial extent I think that they did that -- but part of that calming was loss of involvement on the part of some of the Warriors on each side once they were separated. And once there was less interaction between groups there may have been less sparks, but also less cross polinatpoll, more group think, and a less challenging environment. In short, peaceful can also be seen as boring.

I think that all the other reasons discussed for the decline in the site traffic are also true. But I think a lot of we'll meant decisions may have also hasyenehit along (or possibly more people would have left more quickly due to conflict -- hard to know for sure.)

And yes I was a moderator for several years, and was part of some such decisions. My opinions at the time were sincere and had a lot of thought behind them. But a few more years of experience have convinced me that the calmest, safest, places online dont generally thrive. People seem to like a bit of danger and adventure and outrage.


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## Recardo Admirer (Jul 7, 2018)

Tad. I agree with your comments and they are informative and insightful. But, they do not address overcoming "technology capture." We must find a way to use the technology to facilitate and not fetter a re connection in the community, which should revitalize and inform online interactions. In that order.


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## Tad (Jul 7, 2018)

Recardo -- except that the people in this discussion (board users and moderators) don't control the technology.


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## TwoSwords (Jul 7, 2018)

"I’m having a hard time believing that you are befuddled because you don’t feel I am using the word interaction in a usual way."

Okay.

"Need to explain - you tend to offend people when you discect their posts to help yourself understand,"

People get offended by all sorts of things, not all of them justified. I think anyone who has any experience with fatness should be able to recognize that. If you want to imply that I've attacked anyone or insulted anyone, then please do so. I'm not aware of having done that, but I'm open to evidence that would convince me otherwise. I just don't see how trying to understand something qualifies as condescension.

"Straight forward, you get lost in the words and are missing the context of what is going on,"

The words are my only bridge. Without them, I have no way of inferring context.

"Interaction is about exchanging ideas,"

Is that what you meant? Oh.

"that is less interaction and more a type of behavior that is pushing someone to either defend their point or abandon the topic."

If someone doesn't want to answer me, they can always just ignore me. They've certainly done it many times in the past, and I've never complained. I'm not capable of "pushing" anyone to do anything they don't want to do. All I have are words.

"Infighting and laborious discussions of much discussed topics are often said to be a reason people left the boards."

I don't want to fight anyone. I'd love for everyone to be able to just agree that fatness is the most wonderful, purely-physical quality that a person can possess, but until that happens, I will have an agenda. That agenda need not cause fights, unless there are actual points of disagreement though. Even then, it doesn't need to cause fights, as long as there's room for both people to leave each other be.

"This forum is about putting people into the same space to interact, fat people interacting with fat admirers. Fat admirers discussing their likes and their expierence, fat people discussing what it is like to live in a fat body."

So if I say that my experience has been tortuous and miserable, and that there is no haven for me, would that be part of the intended purpose, or is that not general enough?

"Waxing poetic about fat would be better served on a personal blog, maybe a tumbler account."

Okay. I'm confused again. Are you saying I shouldn't use these boards to exchange my ideas, or that the extent of my emotional hangups over this issue aren't an "experience?"


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## TwoSwords (Jul 7, 2018)

Tad said:


> My opinions at the time were sincere and had a lot of thought behind them. But a few more years of experience have convinced me that the calmest, safest, places online dont generally thrive. People seem to like a bit of danger and adventure and outrage.



I think this is insightful. I certainly have observed that very same thing. A lot of the more popular places online right now are definitely the most outrageous and heated ones.

I don't know if it's this way for everyone, but I generally use the internet to try to find a way to express my pent-up feelings, and although I don't personally hate anyone, a lot of people do, which may be part of what you're seeing. However, more than just hate, I think the passions in general are a motivation. People want to be able to express those passions, and feel like they're accomplishing something, and in sterile environments, that's rare.


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## DragonFly (Jul 8, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> "I’m having a hard time believing that you are befuddled because you don’t feel I am using the word interaction in a usual way."
> 
> Okay.
> 
> ...




This post is an example of how you come across as condescending. I’m going to give up, because I have to prove to you, using your own words how you have completely moved this conversation away from anything constructive. You don’t exchange ideas you follow a pattern of just questioning thing out of context claiming it is to help you understand. If Dimensions is not your Utopia, maybe you can build one yourself. Please don’t dissect this post for your edification. This game you play is tiresome. I’m not going to engage.


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## TwoSwords (Jul 8, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> This post is an example of how you come across as condescending. I’m going to give up, because I have to prove to you, using your own words how you have completely moved this conversation away from anything constructive. You don’t exchange ideas you follow a pattern of just questioning thing out of context claiming it is to help you understand. If Dimensions is not your Utopia, maybe you can build one yourself. Please don’t dissect this post for your edification. This game you play is tiresome. I’m not going to engage.



No. No dissection this time. I just don't get it at all.


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## agouderia (Jul 8, 2018)

Apart from some of the reasons already mentioned for lower activity, there are two more connected ones imo.

The expansion of social media has led to the rise of micro-interest venues - whereas Dims still is an old-fashioned across the board all things fat site. Reality is though, that the situation and interests of people coming here are often worlds apart. Fat is not a large enough common denominator between a fat women struggling to come to terms with her body image and a militant fat fetishist. 

So coming here and expecting only cheerleading for views and interests on the extremer side is plain unrealistic and an approach based on with the wrong expectations. For those fixated on their special perception, a more specialized venue will most likely be a better choice.

Which leads to the more general question - also to be seen in other walks of society - how can a system function, when there is no willingness to interact with or even only accept other elements of the same subsystem?


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## TwoSwords (Jul 8, 2018)

agouderia said:


> Which leads to the more general question - also to be seen in other walks of society - how can a system function, when there is no willingness to interact with or even only accept other elements of the same subsystem?



This is quite a good question. I had to think about that one for a bit, but as I see it, the fact that these divisions exist is sort of a byproduct of the fact that the system *doesn't* function. Erroneous discrimination within the established system of society has prompted different responses from different people effected by fatness in different ways, and in many cases, the same suffering and alienation has led different people to develop completely opposite views on the topic, each deep-seated, and grounded in the unfair suffering that they were made to endure.

The only way that I can think of, of resolving this issue, is to adopt the traditional position with regard to freedom of speech; that I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. As long as everyone can agree that the freedom to express contrary views is a *good thing, *the rest of the discussions can be had civilly, if not always on overtly friendly terms.

However, when two people have two completely contrary goals, where neither goal can be accomplished without the eradication of something that the other values most deeply, I think a sort of tactic acknowledgement of the right to make legitimate, ethical decisions is about the best we can hope for; especially when it's done in a cordial way. I don't like it when people lose weight deliberately, but at the end of the day, I accept that it is their right to do so, and I hope they succeed in fulfilling their intended goal for themselves, for their sake. It's just going to mean that the world, for me, will lose more of its appreciable beauty.

Likewise, I struggle to keep from losing weight, because I was much less happy when I was thinner, and I don't hesitate in expressing my views on this topic, in venues where it's relevant. Others can disagree with me all they want to (indeed, if no one did, I'd be worried there was some censorship going on,) so long as they don't tell me I can't talk that way or try to make me give that up. No one gets everything they want, but everyone gets something.

However, while that may be the best approach from both practical and moral viewpoints, it doesn't address the underlying problem; the emotional alienation that these various groups have experienced all their lives. The only solution to emotional alienation is emotional validation, so while I think that it's important to try to allow others the freedom to say their piece, I also think that smaller communities need to exist, to help heal the wounds our terrible, 20th-century civilization has so cruelly caused.

Now we just need a clearer piece of news on where that super-extreme side of the issue gathers and how to get in.


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## finallyfat (Jul 9, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> No. No dissection this time. I just don't get it at all.



Yes you don't.


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## finallyfat (Jul 9, 2018)

Kudos to Tad for admitting, as an ex-moderator, that pacified message boards don't click. It's the Safe Zones that are truly oppressive, not the "bullies".

Let people squabble, call each other finks and stuff. Much more fun and real truths emerge over time too. 

Use the block button for those who give others the vapors. I do. I'm much happier ignoring spam from hairy old pot bellies with outies in briefs, for example, so I ignore habitually objectionable posters.

Self moderation works great.


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## LeoGibson (Jul 9, 2018)

DragonFly said:


> This post is an example of how you come across as condescending. I’m going to give up, because I have to prove to you, using your own words how you have completely moved this conversation away from anything constructive. You don’t exchange ideas you follow a pattern of just questioning thing out of context claiming it is to help you understand. If Dimensions is not your Utopia, maybe you can build one yourself. Please don’t dissect this post for your edification. This game you play is tiresome. I’m not going to engage.



You went 3 or 4 posts further than I would have before just shaking my head and shrugging my shoulders and walking off.


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## DragonFly (Jul 9, 2018)

LeoGibson said:


> You went 3 or 4 posts further than I would have before just shaking my head and shrugging my shoulders and walking off.


I try! I really try, was hoping that I could move things along.


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## Recardo Admirer (Nov 30, 2018)

I complained somewhat upon my return to the forum. However, I decided it is best to take action rather than complain so>>>>>>>>>>>>

Check us out here:
https://www.meetup.com/NC-PLUS-SIZE-BBW-SSBBW-ADMIRERS-AND-FRIENDS-NETWORK/

Just trying to get face to face communication and socialization started in NC. It's not easy!!


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