# The Community Thread.....



## Obesus (Nov 8, 2005)

...a place to give back to the community with support, suggestions, ideas about how we all might be able to communicate with each other...I can feel a lot of desire for more of a communication between the men and women of the board...the women have no problem communicating with each other, but the lads rarely seem to chat amongst themselves....this is, after all, a place for friendships to form and interesting ideas to be created for all. I am thinking of a string on the old board where we were going to create a West Coast get-together and then I lost the email address of the woman who was organizing it when I had some Yahoo difficulties (there is something unusual! LOL)....that would be a good place to start...how about some small regional meetup type events...hmmmmm...that might be a logistics problem just waiting to happen...any ideas? :bow:


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## Shylla (Nov 8, 2005)

How about starting out with some group chats? Maybe we could set a time when it'd be convenient for several of the social-types here to have a weekly-or-so chat in the BHM/FFA room. It would be ideal if more than one or two ladies showed up, and PMs seeking compliments or relationships were kept to a minimum. Shishi. :bow: 

Anyone interested in this idea? I'd be willing to be the one to hang out in the chat and get conversation started, when I can.


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## Obesus (Nov 8, 2005)

...it might require a bit of moderation to make sure that it doesn't devolve into a dating free-for-all on the lad's side...as our esteemed Jeannie has commented, that is might be more than likely to happen...it would have to be very clear that this is a group social activity and that if someone wants to do a private chat, they should do so elsewhere...well..I am all for empirical evidence and experimentation..we should just give it a whirl with strong groundrules and see what transpires...now, the other perennial problem...we have folks scattered over a zillion time zones....is there an equinanimous time for all? :bow:


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## missaf (Nov 8, 2005)

Chats are difficult for me, I can't hold still for very long with how much is going on for me at the moment. I'll definitely participate in discussions here, though!


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## Shylla (Nov 9, 2005)

This didn't get much response, but I believe I'll try to organize a chat. I'm very flexible on day, but I'm thinking Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Perhaps both. How would that set with those interested? Say, around 1 PM CST. I'll probably be awake by then.  Is this good or bad for anyone interested in attending? Additional time suggestions?

Since this is the first chat of this new attempt at unifying the chatters, I propose a starting topic of "getting to know each other." We can see where it goes after that. It'd be nice if several attendees could hang out for an hour or two, but if you've only got time to pop in and say hi, please do so anyway! The only rule is, keep PMs to a minimum. I'm not very fond of getting lots of PMs from someone who wants to ask me what I think of their pic or of their weight, especially when I'm trying to keep a chat going, and I'm sure others feel the same way. If we all weren't fond of BHMs, we likely wouldn't be in the chat, so no need to PM and ask me about things like that! Just join in the chat. 

I hope a few people show up.


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## Obesus (Nov 10, 2005)

Chat is not my favorite tool of communications, but if it helps build the community, then that is what I will help with! Sunday would be a better time, since I am at work Saturdays...the time seems reasonable...the process of building a community is just a long and slow thing...but any creative way to do it would be much appreciated....aha! My next project will be a simple poll to see what folks think of various options...will do tonight! :bow: 




Shylla said:


> This didn't get much response, but I believe I'll try to organize a chat. I'm very flexible on day, but I'm thinking Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Perhaps both. How would that set with those interested? Say, around 1 PM CST. I'll probably be awake by then.  Is this good or bad for anyone interested in attending? Additional time suggestions?
> 
> Since this is the first chat of this new attempt at unifying the chatters, I propose a starting topic of "getting to know each other." We can see where it goes after that. It'd be nice if several attendees could hang out for an hour or two, but if you've only got time to pop in and say hi, please do so anyway! The only rule is, keep PMs to a minimum. I'm not very fond of getting lots of PMs from someone who wants to ask me what I think of their pic or of their weight, especially when I'm trying to keep a chat going, and I'm sure others feel the same way. If we all weren't fond of BHMs, we likely wouldn't be in the chat, so no need to PM and ask me about things like that! Just join in the chat.
> 
> I hope a few people show up.


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## Zackariah (Nov 10, 2005)

Hmm, I'll try to make sure I'm on around that time. My ren-fest plans for the weekend fell through, so I don't have any obligations. I'll definitely be looking forward to a few introductions


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## Obesus (Nov 11, 2005)

That is always a lot of fun...but we will be glad to see you in the chat! Cheers! :bow: 



Zackariah said:


> Hmm, I'll try to make sure I'm on around that time. My ren-fest plans for the weekend fell through, so I don't have any obligations. I'll definitely be looking forward to a few introductions


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## Obesus (Nov 11, 2005)

...is usually not at all my cup of tea either, but I will be there in support of the community and to see if it might not just be a good thing...getting out of my comfort zone and taking a bit of a risk is a good thing for me! We'll be letting you and everyone know how it went...but we are most happy to have you right here in this thread on the community-building matter...your advice is always most appreciated! :bow: 




missaf said:


> Chats are difficult for me, I can't hold still for very long with how much is going on for me at the moment. I'll definitely participate in discussions here, though!


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## missaf (Nov 11, 2005)

I've been in 'net chat rooms for 11 years now, it's not really a comfort-shell kinda thing, but more of timing. I'm only getting 4-5 hours a sleep at night and am busy most of everyone's waking hours!


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## Obesus (Nov 11, 2005)

Folks for the chat...but does anyone have any ideas for organizing real-world get-togethers? I am thinking a few major cities might serve for at least some of us...I don't hold much hope for San Francsico here, but you never know..even if just a few of that lads could get together for coffee, comparing notes and mutual support, that would be a wonderful thing! If you went on the events board at all, there were some really good suggestions for forming a local fat-positive group, although forming one for fat men might be even harder, but I am thinking that persistence and patience really do pay off...I must be a tad more patient about it all! :bow:


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## Shylla (Nov 11, 2005)

I guess a first step would be finding out what major cities the people interested would be able to meet at. In the future (as in, maybe during holidays the year after next), I'd possibly be able to travel out of state for meet-ups, so I doubt I'll be going to any of the get-togethers any time soon. There seem to be a few Hesperians around, so perhaps you'll have better luck, Obesus.


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## Jeannie (Nov 11, 2005)

Obesus said:


> Folks for the chat...*but does anyone have any ideas for organizing real-world get-togethers?* I am thinking a few major cities might serve for at least some of us...I don't hold much hope for San Francsico here, but you never know..even if just a few of that lads could get together for coffee, comparing notes and mutual support, that would be a wonderful thing! If you went on the events board at all, there were some really good suggestions for forming a local fat-positive group, although forming one for fat men might be even harder, but I am thinking that persistence and patience really do pay off...I must be a tad more patient about it all! :bow:



Everyone could meet at my house!!!  

I have the perfect thing for BHM too. (Just ask *Keith*, he spent many a night luxuriating in it  ) I have a *HUGE* hot tub/spa on my deck/screen room. Lots of BHM could fit at once! Well, of course I'd share  so lots of FFA too!  

Here's a pic of the spa. My backyard is pretty, but unfortunately, that it isn't it! So are we on??? I would love to host a big backyard barbecue/spa party! :kiss2: Lots of BHM running around half naked in my own backyard? Oh My! :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:


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## Jeannie (Nov 12, 2005)

About the chat? I'm not really into the chatroom thing. Haven't done it in years, but I'll try to stop by for a few minutes to say hello.

*p.s.- *I know I'm only dreaming about hosting a party. I'm sure people would much prefer a city they can make a real vacation out of, like S.F.
But I would love to have it here if I could!


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## Obesus (Nov 12, 2005)

LOL....hmmmm...maybe if I save up for a few months, I could afford the trip! :eat1: 
Sounds just perky as heck over there, Jeannie! Hot tub....oooooh!  Errr...you live somewhere in Outer Mongolia, right! LOL I am assuming it must be near the famous Plateau of Leng that I hear so much about! :bow: 



Jeannie said:


> Everyone could meet at my house!!!
> 
> I have the perfect thing for BHM too. (Just ask *Keith*, he spent many a night luxuriating in it  ) I have a *HUGE* hot tub/spa on my deck/screen room. Lots of BHM could fit at once! Well, of course I'd share  so lots of FFA too!


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## Jeannie (Nov 12, 2005)

Obesus said:


> LOL....hmmmm...maybe if I save up for a few months, I could afford the trip! :eat1:
> Sounds just perky as heck over there, Jeannie! Hot tub....oooooh!  Errr...you live somewhere in Outer Mongolia, right! LOL I am assuming it must be near the famous Plateau of Leng that I hear so much about! :bow:



LMAO! Exactly! See post above yours!! Who the hell would want to travel all the way to *Outer Mongolia* just to eat steak and ribs and sit in some water with a bunch of fat guys!!??!!  *(ok, I actually would!!!!!!!)*

Give me San Francisco ANY day!!!  *(But only as long as I get to sit with those same guys!!)*

But Obe dear, you do have a standing invitation, anytime you're feeling adventurous! :kiss2:



> the famous Plateau of Leng


 omg Can't breathe!!!


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## Obesus (Nov 12, 2005)

I would have to bring the guest Chaise-Lounge out and polish the crystal ball and astrolabe, but that is no great matter...and the view from the hills is tres' magnifique! You would get over the shock of the "Library of Doom" fairly soon, although the mere sight of the Magick section has been known to make some dizzy! ROFL
:smitten: :eat1: 



Jeannie said:


> LMAO! Exactly! See post above yours!! Who the hell would want to travel all the way to *Outer Mongolia* just to eat steak and ribs and sit in some water with a bunch of fat guys!!??!! ROFL.
> 
> Give me San Francisco ANY day!!!
> 
> ...


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## Jeannie (Nov 12, 2005)

nothing here.


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## missaf (Nov 12, 2005)

oh my dear goodness gracious... a hottub with you all, soaking away and drinking some fine imbiberies... that sounds like the best Christmas present I could get atm


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## Obesus (Nov 12, 2005)

That fuels some community building...wouldn't that just be a lovely thing! Someday we will have something like that as a small community...I just know it!  



missaf said:


> oh my dear goodness gracious... a hottub with you all, soaking away and drinking some fine imbiberies... that sounds like the best Christmas present I could get atm


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## Obesus (Nov 12, 2005)

Alrighty then...we are thinking of the possibility of small meet-up events..perhaps one on the East Coast, one of the West Coast, one smack dab in the middle! This would have to be a very loosely organized kind of six-months in advance type thing, to give everyone a chance to prepare and coordinate, so the first step would be three brave and daring coordinators! Hmmmm....I might work as one! LOL That was a given! The second requirement would be some way of getting even just a few people to actually attend...without the name-draw punch of NAAFA, this might be challenging. One other possibility would be to utilize the Big Man SIG at NAAFA to organize this a bit...I don't know if they have a volunteer coordinator or not, but I am not so sure that I could handle that on a full time basis...I have just too much going on at work and in my non-profit thingy...so, that is another challenge! Hmmm...this just might be a possibility...chat then comes in as a way of organizing and creating interest in the events..it gives them clear purpose and focus...if you are not there to talk about the events, then it wouldn't be much incentive to log in...that would automatically eliminate the folks looking solely to PM....I am still on a mental roll here and I have only had one teeny tiny cup of coffee this morning...any ideas out there in BHM/FFA-land?! LOL:bow:


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## Obesus (Nov 14, 2005)

Toothache yesterday.....I had to go over to Kaiser to get some pain meds...sorry for missing chat....by the time I got home, it was late in the afternoon...this was not my weekend....I couldn't sleep all Saturday night, so I am still feeling like zombie....


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## TaciturnBadger (Nov 14, 2005)

Obesus said:


> Folks for the chat...but does anyone have any ideas for organizing real-world get-togethers? I am thinking a few major cities might serve for at least some of us...I don't hold much hope for San Francsico here, but you never know..even if just a few of that lads could get together for coffee, comparing notes and mutual support, that would be a wonderful thing! If you went on the events board at all, there were some really good suggestions for forming a local fat-positive group, although forming one for fat men might be even harder, but I am thinking that persistence and patience really do pay off...I must be a tad more patient about it all! :bow:




..and one that has bugged me for the last three years since I've moved to the East Coast is that there aren't any (at least that I know of) size-oriented get-togethers in the Hampton Roads, Virginia area. There are a ton of them up in DC, but none that I can find in the Virginia Beach/Norfolk/Chesapeake/Suffolk area. I'm kind of surprised, with the number of BBW's and BHM's locally, that something hasn't cropped up yet....

--B.


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## Obesus (Nov 15, 2005)

...with the exploratory chat sessions (I am so sorry I was out of action on Saturday and Sunday...), the next step would be to identify volunteer group leaders around the Country (and even the world!!!) to hold maybe occasional meet and greet type events in their cities...at a coffeehouse or restaurant...just something informal....I would be happy to do the SF Bay Area and I have no problem doing it anywhere along the BART line that is accessible....we should definitely have a few regions...LA, Seattle on the West Coast...New York, Boston, Washington D.C......and......maybe you could host Virginia Beach! ACH! Just an idea! LOL It basically wouldn't amount to any more than putting a notice on Craig's List or another local bulletin board and then coming to the event and hosting chat and coffee or chat and cheesecake, or whatever....the trick is to get people to actually leave the cozy nests and cacoons of their domiciles and venturing out into the big scary and unknown world of fat accpetance...and that is where any motivational work we can do will be key....I can offer some pointers out of the Motivational Interviewing technique that psychologists and social workers use to empower folks...it is highly warm, empathic, subject-centered and waaay-validating! Hey, it works and just might get some folks out...let's try to get them into the chat room first though and then we can hit 'em in the real world with some razzle-dazzle!  



TaciturnBadger said:


> ..and one that has bugged me for the last three years since I've moved to the East Coast is that there aren't any (at least that I know of) size-oriented get-togethers in the Hampton Roads, Virginia area. There are a ton of them up in DC, but none that I can find in the Virginia Beach/Norfolk/Chesapeake/Suffolk area. I'm kind of surprised, with the number of BBW's and BHM's locally, that something hasn't cropped up yet....
> 
> --B.


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## Jes (Nov 15, 2005)

ObesusI can offer some pointers out of the Motivational Interviewing technique that psychologists and social workers use to empower folks...it is highly warm said:


> hey, are you willing to offer a few such tips right here, right now, boobookitty? Or only if this takes off and/or via email?
> 
> curious and willing to work from where the client is at,
> sign me
> Jes


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## Obesus (Nov 16, 2005)

But I am more a shaman of the Bunny, Bear and Pooch clans! LOL OK..the core idea of motivational interviewing is finding people's strengths and validating them on whatever that might be...with very functional folks, it is usually pretty easy to find some strengths, even if you have to be a bit creative about it...it takes a bit of chatting and warm-up to find out what folks are really good at and then developing an absolutely positive approach to validating it. In true motivational interviewing, there really are no negative qualities...everything can be be used to move towards an empowering statement. There is more than a bit of "cheerleading" involved and those familiar with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy will find that a familiar technique of validation. The social skills modules in DBT can be used to work with folks who have problems with expressing themselves socially or setting boundaries. These are all techniques that are available in more or less self-help formats and do not need to be used by professional therapists, although most of them benefit from traditional Cognitive Behavioral approaches. There are several good books available...if you are interested, I can dig them up on Amazon.... :bow: 




Jes said:


> hey, are you willing to offer a few such tips right here, right now, boobookitty? Or only if this takes off and/or via email?
> 
> curious and willing to work from where the client is at,
> sign me
> Jes


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## Jes (Nov 16, 2005)

i should explain: boobookitty is what i call you if I like you. Miss Kitty is what I call you if I don't. In fact, this morning, I called the electrician 'boobookitty' but only after he promised to give me what I want. He was close to the 'Miss Kitty' precipice there for a minute when he was looking like he couldn't step up to the plate and do the job. 

The funny thing is that a few of my friends have taken to Miss Kitty and started calling one another that as a term of endearment which it is NOT. It's confusing, for me!


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## Obesus (Nov 16, 2005)

Just like I tell everyone to "Be a good bunny, now!" Oh, I am so glad I am in "boobookitty" territory!  I will most certainly do my best to avoid the other place...! As I might say myself, it is a very "cute-amous! practice" :bow: 



Jes said:


> i should explain: boobookitty is what i call you if I like you. Miss Kitty is what I call you if I don't. In fact, this morning, I called the electrician 'boobookitty' but only after he promised to give me what I want. He was close to the 'Miss Kitty' precipice there for a minute when he was looking like he couldn't step up to the plate and do the job.
> 
> The funny thing is that a few of my friends have taken to Miss Kitty and started calling one another that as a term of endearment which it is NOT. It's confusing, for me!


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## Jes (Nov 16, 2005)

This morning, after your post, I had such a desire to wrap my arms around you and lay my head on your belly. I assume that's not something you haven't heard before? It struck me that it would probably feel very ...centering, to me. There's just something that all that flesh makes me think about: and it's the absolute lack of flesh-on-flesh contact I generally get. And that doesn't do, for me. It doesn't agree with me, as it were. 

Just wanted to say that.

Jes


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## missaf (Nov 16, 2005)

It's that snuggable Teddy Bear feeling *nods*


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## Obesus (Nov 16, 2005)

That is always a good thing!



Jes said:


> This morning, after your post, I had such a desire to wrap my arms around you and lay my head on your belly. I assume that's not something you haven't heard before? It struck me that it would probably feel very ...centering, to me. There's just something that all that flesh makes me think about: and it's the absolute lack of flesh-on-flesh contact I generally get. And that doesn't do, for me. It doesn't agree with me, as it were.
> 
> Just wanted to say that.
> 
> Jes


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## Obesus (Nov 16, 2005)

It is a thing that is actually difficult to find in this world!


missaf said:


> It's that snuggable Teddy Bear feeling *nods*


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## Obesus (Nov 19, 2005)

This is the crucial step...are there any...volunteers who would not mind doing a minimal amount of work to organize a simple dinner or even coffee-klatsch in their cities? I would love to do one here in SF, and I will work tirelessly to outreach to any fat lads and FFA's who are interested...errrrr.....ummmm...oh oh...that may be a challenge...but I am up for experimentation! This is, as they say, where the rubber hits the road..and I may be a visionary, but it does have to start in some small place, eh? I can think of several possibilites besides Craig's list..there is Tribes, MySpace, a few others of that ilk...even Yahoo Groups...they are all worth a shot...alrighty then, let the volunteering commence! (oooh, do I have some moxie, or what?! ROFL) :bow:


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## missaf (Nov 19, 2005)

Obesus said:


> This is the crucial step...are there any...volunteers who would not mind doing a minimal amount of work to organize a simple dinner or even coffee-klatsch in their cities? I would love to do one here in SF, and I will work tirelessly to outreach to any fat lads and FFA's who are interested...errrrr.....ummmm...oh oh...that may be a challenge...but I am up for experimentation! This is, as they say, where the rubber hits the road..and I may be a visionary, but it does have to start in some small place, eh? I can think of several possibilites besides Craig's list..there is Tribes, MySpace, a few others of that ilk...even Yahoo Groups...they are all worth a shot...alrighty then, let the volunteering commence! (oooh, do I have some moxie, or what?! ROFL) :bow:




I think having a handy way to find where everyone is, to see where a dinner would be feasible is warranted, to so we don't have people planning an event that wouldn't be attended. Check this out:

http://www.frappr.com/bhmffa

Everyone can put in their zip code for the entire world, and we can keep this ongoing to plan events based on known location


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## Obesus (Nov 19, 2005)

I will start it off in a new thread...so it doesn't get lost in the maize! LOL
Thank you for the great suggestion! :bow: This might just woik!




missaf said:


> I think having a handy way to find where everyone is, to see where a dinner would be feasible is warranted, to so we don't have people planning an event that wouldn't be attended. Check this out:
> 
> http://www.frappr.com/bhmffa
> 
> Everyone can put in their zip code for the entire world, and we can keep this ongoing to plan events based on known location


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## Obesus (Nov 19, 2005)

Was there going to be a chat tomorrow? I am not sure if that was a regular event or not...I tell you what...I have to take the mom out tomorrow afternoon, so I will enter the chat room around 6PM Pacific...if anyone is interested in talking about organizing events, that would be peachy! :bow:


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## Obesus (Nov 20, 2005)

Obesus on the case! Anybody interested in community building or planning for events...to the chat room tally-ho...6Pm pacifico! :bow:  I am expecting hordes of lasses and lads! :shocked: 




Obesus said:


> Was there going to be a chat tomorrow? I am not sure if that was a regular event or not...I tell you what...I have to take the mom out tomorrow afternoon, so I will enter the chat room around 6PM Pacific...if anyone is interested in talking about organizing events, that would be peachy! :bow:


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