# Getting over Shyness



## Keystone (Oct 8, 2005)

I am quite sure I am not the only person who visits this board who has a problem with being shy. I have been doing little steps to try and get over my shyness but was just wondering if anyone had any other suggestions for ways to get over being shy. I am posting this from work and plan to add a few pictures to the other thread for them later this evening.


Keystone


----------



## blubberboy767 (Oct 9, 2005)

I also had that problem and just decided to dive right in, I mean I posted a pic of me in a thong in another thread and I would not have dreamed about doing that a few years ago (probably shouldn't now but at least I'm not shy anymore). It's OK, we don't judge here, have fun!


----------



## missaf (Oct 9, 2005)

Getting over shyness is a step of faith, I think. You've got to get out there and be self-confident. Show yourself and others around you how much of a great person you are, and it all follows suit


----------



## Transplanted.Magnolia (Oct 9, 2005)

I think that finding a community of supportive people makes it easier not to be shy, and you have that in the Dimensions Forums.


----------



## Obesus (Oct 9, 2005)

Can be sooooo intimidating, but I think the key is to find really low-key unpressured events where you can just hang out and at least be available should anyone come over to say "Hi"....music events, art or antique shows, church events, anything where it is the expectation that everyone will be relaxed and amiable. Another option is practicing random acts of thoughtfulness! I remember one time that I was on the bus and a very very large woman got on...I gave her my seat and wished her a good day...and I could see that it just made her day, because someone cared about her comfort for a change! That is all it takes to start a bit here and there! There are a lot of books on shyness and oddly enough, our local community college here in San Francisco has a class in the psychology department called "The Psychology of Shyness"!!! Would there be a better way to meet someone? Check your local community college and see if any classes grab your interest...you will find others in the class who automatically share your interest! Cool!


----------



## TaciturnBadger (Oct 9, 2005)

After getting about 8 steps into the fictional 12-step Shy-aholics Anonymous program... I have the following pointers:

--Check out places (if you're extremely shy, like I was, start with online chat before "graduating" to IRL -- it's like inching into the pool!) that hold your interest but no pressure. READ: NO DATING SITES! If you're into gardening, check out gardening forums, chatrooms, whatever, discuss fertilizer or winterizing or whatever, just to get used to interacting and meeting new people. (The gardening thing was just an example; there's a chat room for almost anything online, I even found a room one day while trying to find the most obscure chat room on the net for folks who liked to fantasize about getting swallowed by giant snakes. I think you can find one for Steelers fans or whatnot, if that's the case!) Once you get comfortable with that, start going to places IRL. Or, if you're not quite the basket case I was, start with IRL in the first place  

--Strike up a random conversation with someone you'll never meet again about nothing in particular. If you bomb it -- who cares? You'll never meet them again. That's the whole point! LOL The trick I always used was to listen and wait until someone made a comment about "Oh, I tried that fish sandwich, it was ________." Then ask 'em about it. "I was thinking about getting that, what was it that _______?" You can usually string along a nice little conversation that way; plus, that starts breaking the ice of talking to an absolute stranger, so that when you do it and you NEED to (i.e. new job, BBW/BHM/FA dance, whatnot) it's not nearly as harrowing.

--B.

P.S. Don't interrogate me for more tips -- that's about all I've found out! As I said, only 8 steps in ~~


----------



## fatlane (Oct 9, 2005)

Step nine is making amends. I accept whatever apologies you need to shoot my way.


----------



## Goreki (Oct 10, 2005)

I think it's something you have to do at your own pace. My mum always used to say "don't think about yourself" and that worked for me a little.
If you focus on other people, or what's going on around you, it gets a little easier.

Good luck


----------



## JaidenSinead (Oct 10, 2005)

missaf said:


> Getting over shyness is a step of faith, I think. You've got to get out there and be self-confident. Show yourself and others around you how much of a great person you are, and it all follows suit



Missaf- You have a great point there, well said. I just want to take your thought one step further. People know when one is shy and the react differently to the shy ones. Once you decide not to live in your shell and fell you are the best you can be and keep trying to become greater you will see a change.


----------



## Keystone (Oct 10, 2005)

Hi
I just wanted to thank everyone for all the good advice and support. I have tried a few baby steps toward getting over my shyness and have decided that my size is only really an issue because I have been making it one for so long. I have decided that if I appear confident with my size that it won't be the focus of people around me.


Key


----------



## Jes (Oct 11, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Step nine is making amends. I accept whatever apologies you need to shoot my way.



sometimes, you really do make me chuckle, fatlane.


----------



## Tad (Oct 13, 2005)

As someone who is not as shy as he used to be, just a few thoughts.

- Most likely you are not confident in your social skills--how to read people's reactions, how to break the ice, etc. These are things that you can work on. Getting them better--or gaining confidence in them--won't make you less shy, but it will make you better able to manage and overcome your shyness.

- Most likely there are some activities/places/groups in which you are more confident. Like if you play a lot of video games, you could go into one of those places where you can pay to play multi-player games over networks, and talk to people with reasonable confidence. Take advantage of these things to practice your social skills. (this ties in to the previous point).

- Focus on being yourself. After all, do you really want to make friends/get romantic with someone who is interested in you because you tried to be something you are not? So it is OK to be a bit shy, and it is OK to be a big guy, and it is OK to generally be you. There are no doubt some amazing things about you, don't hide those things, rather bring them to the fore. The way I like to say it is "Be the best YOU that you can be." and by that I mean use your talents, and don't apologize for not being someone else.

Best of luck!

-Ed


----------

