# Asperger's Syndrome and FA-dom



## blubrluvr (Dec 3, 2011)

I've been thinking about this a lot. I've noticed that the "geek" factor is indeed part of FA-dom. When I say "geek" I don't necessarily mean technical/scientific aptitude, but that non-conformist, misfit, outcast quality. Another aspect is "obsessive" traits that are often associated with Asperger's.

Now, I have problems with Asperger's being labeled some kind of abnormality. I think that it is simply a "difference" much like eye, skin or hair color. Nevertheless, the psychological community seems to have done a wonderful job labeling those with varying personality traits. Aspies seem to be less concerned about how other people feel about them. There are those (I'll label them as suffering from "Asshole Syndrome") who are obsessed about the image the present and their social standing. They're manipulative, obsessed with things like office politics and pop culture. They're the ultimate conformists. Unfortunately, society seems to reward that behavior and these people tend to rise to positions of power, wealth and influence.

But I digress...

So what say you? Are those who are labeled as "Asperger's" more likely to be FAs? I tend to believe so. Many FA's I know have other obsessions and are often considered experts in their fields. They have passions outside of that which is big and jiggly and arousing. 

Looking forward to comments.


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## blubrluvr (Dec 3, 2011)

In case you haven't guessed, I consider most psychologists to be assholes.


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## ChubbyChaserDave (Dec 3, 2011)

I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 4 and I'm a pretty hardcore FA. My best friend who also has Asperger's is also a FA except unlike me he's gay. Another one of my friends who knows both of us and does not have Asperger's once said to me that he wondered if there was some sort of connection between having Asperger's and being a FA. I don't know if there is, but it is an interesting concept.


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## penguin (Dec 4, 2011)

I think you'll find people from all walks of life attracted to fat people, and I don't think people with Asperger's are any more or less likely to be amongst that group.


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## klasdow9009 (Dec 4, 2011)

People with asperger's have less of a social filter (or no social filter whatsoever), i.e. they tend to be very up front, blunt, etc. People that I know with asperger's basically can't lie at all, their brains just don't work that way; they are very logical.

Therefore, I would think that any FA with asperger's would be very open about their preferences because they simply cannot act otherwise. On the other hand, an FA who does not have asperger's would tend to be much more socially aware of the "consequences" that come with being an FA and would probably A) be more inclined to hide it and B) have the necessary skills to hide it.

So in answer to your question, I think that no, there is not a correlation between FAism and having asperger's, but I think that it might seem that way because a much higher percentage of FA's with asperger's are out than the population of non-asperger's FA's.


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## HereticFA (Dec 4, 2011)

blubrluvr said:


> Are those who are labeled as "Asperger's" more likely to be FAs?



I'd say FA's with Asperger's tendencies are more likely to be an open FA rather than a closeted FA. They are probably less likely to exhibit hidden tendencies like being a secret feeder. It's more of a "what you see is what you get" kind of personality.

Non Asperger FAs are probably more of the closeted FA or a secret feeder. They are caught between worlds, wanting a fat partner but fearful of how other people see them.


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## KHayes666 (Dec 4, 2011)

I'm not a geek, I don't have aspergers and yet I love fat girls.

Maybe I'm the exception to the rule.


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 4, 2011)

Putting Aspergers in quotations and saying it's not some kind of abnormality is doing a disservice to those who have it. It's like saying chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia are not real.

Aspergers is a type of autism.


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## tummylovin'003 (Dec 4, 2011)

klasdow9009 said:


> People with asperger's have less of a social filter (or no social filter whatsoever), i.e. they tend to be very up front, blunt, etc. People that I know with asperger's basically can't lie at all, their brains just don't work that way; they are very logical.
> 
> Therefore, I would think that any FA with asperger's would be very open about their preferences because they simply cannot act otherwise. On the other hand, an FA who does not have asperger's would tend to be much more socially aware of the "consequences" that come with being an FA and would probably A) be more inclined to hide it and B) have the necessary skills to hide it.
> 
> So in answer to your question, I think that no, there is not a correlation between FAism and having asperger's, but I think that it might seem that way because a much higher percentage of FA's with asperger's are out than the population of non-asperger's FA's.



With you on this one. My 'baby' brother (7 years old) has been diagnosed with aspergers, and rarely keeps his opinions to himself, bless him! He's very honest, painfully honest! 

I don't believe that he will grow up to be a FA purely because he has aspergers. Interesting thought though.


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## Ernest Nagel (Dec 4, 2011)

klasdow9009 said:


> People with asperger's have less of a social filter (or no social filter whatsoever), i.e. they tend to be very up front, blunt, etc. People that I know with asperger's basically can't lie at all, their brains just don't work that way; they are very logical.
> 
> Therefore, I would think that any FA with asperger's would be very open about their preferences because they simply cannot act otherwise. On the other hand, an FA who does not have asperger's would tend to be much more socially aware of the "consequences" that come with being an FA and would probably A) be more inclined to hide it and B) have the necessary skills to hide it.
> 
> So in answer to your question, I think that no, there is not a correlation between FAism and having asperger's, but I think that it might seem that way because a much higher percentage of FA's with asperger's are out than the population of non-asperger's FA's.



Exactly this. I wasn't diagnosed as Aspy until I was 40 but my preference for SS/BBW was always completely transparent. I suspect it never occurred to me to hide it because social acceptance simply wasn't a priority for me. I'm far from being free of inhibitions but the ones I have are very different from the Neurotypical (NT).


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## blubrluvr (Dec 4, 2011)

LoveBHMS said:


> Putting Aspergers in quotations and saying it's not some kind of abnormality is doing a disservice to those who have it. It's like saying chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia are not real.
> 
> Aspergers is a type of autism.



Having been diagnosed myself and having two offspring with the same label, I think, affords me the right to say as I please.

It's been suggested that Edison and Einstein were Aspergers. 



Thank you.


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## Ned Sonntag (Dec 4, 2011)

LoveBHMS said:


> Putting Aspergers in quotations and saying it's not some kind of abnormality is doing a disservice to those who have it. It's like saying chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia are not real.
> 
> Aspergers is a type of autism.



From Wikipedia: "The brains of fibromyalgia patients show structural and behavioral differences from those of healthy individuals, but it is unclear whether the brain anomalies cause fibromyalgia symptoms or are the product of an unknown underlying common cause. Some research suggests that these brain anomalies may be the result of childhood stress, or prolonged or severe stress..." I recall NOT being an FA until certain specific incidents between the ages of 10 and 11 stressed me majorly. We're discussing the relative merits of theories. Outrage is inappropriate.:blush:


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## Ned Sonntag (Dec 4, 2011)

KHayes666 said:


> I'm not a geek, I don't have aspergers and yet I love fat girls.
> 
> Maybe I'm the exception to the rule.


:blush:


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## FeedYouInFlorida (Dec 4, 2011)

I'm a FA; I'm not formally diagnosed, but based on reading I believe I have Asperger's. With age and experience, I have learned to filter myself in the extreme. :doh:


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## CarlaSixx (Dec 4, 2011)

I've yet to meet someone with Aspergers who wasn't attracted to jiggly bits. I've met quite a few, some flat-out FAs... some just liking big boobs and butts, which tend to be on fat ladies the most.


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## Ernest Nagel (Dec 4, 2011)

Just fyi Asperger's may be going away as a diagnosis. We'd just be High Functioning ASD in the new DSM5 when it comes out. 

From the DSM5 website:
The work group is proposing that this disorder be subsumed into an existing disorder: Autistic Disorder (Autism Spectrum Disorder).

I don't much care either way. For 40 years I was just an aloof asshole. Finding out I was a "clinical asshole" with a congenital brain abnormality didn't really help much.


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## Deven (Dec 4, 2011)

ChubbyChaserDave said:


> My best friend who also has Asperger's is also a FA except unlike me he's gay.



I have soooo many Bear Chaser friends... I think its adorable!


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## penguin (Dec 4, 2011)

blubrluvr said:


> Having been diagnosed myself and having two offspring with the same label, I think, affords me the right to say as I please.



No, not really.


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## blubrluvr (Dec 4, 2011)

penguin said:


> No, not really.



That's right. I'm posting an a liberal-dominated-overly-politically-correct forum where censorship is the rule.


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## Ruby Ripples (Dec 4, 2011)

blubrluvr said:


> I've been thinking about this a lot. I've noticed that the "geek" factor is indeed part of FA-dom. When I say "geek" I don't necessarily mean technical/scientific aptitude, but that non-conformist, misfit, outcast quality. Another aspect is "obsessive" traits that are often associated with Asperger's.
> 
> Now, I have problems with Asperger's being labeled some kind of abnormality. I think that it is simply a "difference" much like eye, skin or hair color. Nevertheless, the psychological community seems to have done a wonderful job labeling those with varying personality traits. Aspies seem to be less concerned about how other people feel about them. There are those (I'll label them as suffering from "Asshole Syndrome") who are obsessed about the image the present and their social standing. They're manipulative, obsessed with things like office politics and pop culture. They're the ultimate conformists. Unfortunately, society seems to reward that behavior and these people tend to rise to positions of power, wealth and influence.
> 
> ...



Some years ago I noticed the FA/autism correlation and did a thread about it either on here or Fantasy Feeder, I can't find the thread though. I have actually discussed the topic with several FAs who have Asperger's. One of them put forward the theory that his mind is always racing and chaotic, an exhausting thing, then he sees a fat girl and his brain suddenly is becalmed. He said that all the curves and dimensions seem to appeal to his mathematical mind and seem to keep his attention, stopping his mind racing. Maybe that's just him though, i don't know! But yes, I think there may well be some correlation. Though the people saying that Asperger people are just less likely to keep it secret have a very good point too. I still think though that it's more than that. About two years ago I actually mentioned this to a friend in FF chat, and up piped no less than FOUR guys who all then said that they have Asperger's. This was in a room of about 20 people, and we had a laugh about it.


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## Wild Zero (Dec 4, 2011)

blubrluvr said:


> That's right. I'm posting an a liberal-dominated-overly-politically-correct forum where censorship is the rule.



This isn't necessary at all. Keep it in Hyde Park and maybe by posting there you'll see based on his posts the Webmaster's probably best described as center-right


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## jakub (Dec 4, 2011)

Ruby Ripples said:


> then he sees a fat girl and his brain suddenly is becalmed.



I know this feeling.


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## blubrluvr (Dec 4, 2011)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Just fyi Asperger's may be going away as a diagnosis. We'd just be High Functioning ASD in the new DSM5 when it comes out.
> 
> From the DSM5 website:
> The work group is proposing that this disorder be subsumed into an existing disorder: Autistic Disorder (Autism Spectrum Disorder).
> ...



You're not an abnormal asshole. You're just "different". Notice how the psychological community has taken personality traits and labeled them as abnormalities? Baloney! What's next? medicating us so we all act the same? Orwell's world is not that far away sorry to say. Disorder my $%#! Thomas Sowell agrees: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0465081401/?tag=skimlinks_replacement-20 Oh, but he's a conservative so he must be nuts. Sowell is another great mind that psychologists would label as "abnormal". If Einstein and Edison were alive today, they probably would have been medicated or institutionalized into obscurity. Tragic.


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## Britt Reid (Dec 4, 2011)

There is a site, found here, devoted to discussion forums on Aspergers - according to Google there are some (only a few) who see a corrolation between Aspergers and "out of the norm" attractions, including weight related ones. Nothing definitive, however,


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## CastingPearls (Dec 4, 2011)

Hitler ate pickles and was a nazi, therefore everyone who eats pickles is a nazi. I'm sure lots of people with Aspy's and aspy-like symptoms (which people without apsy's also can have) like fat people just like lots of people without it like fat people. I'm also sure that lots of people with it like thin people just like lots of people without it like fat people. 

Pickles.



Yes, I just godwin'd the thread.


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## Britt Reid (Dec 4, 2011)

Leaving the pickle analogy out of it (why must people drag Hitler and Fascists into non-political discussions?), I think the following (taken from the Asperger's site mentioned above) may prove interesting - and supports the view that FAness is corrolated somewhat more than average with Aspergers, but not universally:

It is interesting that 

The moderator for the Love and Dating forum, Hyperlexian, uses a Lane Bryant “Free for Chubbies avatar.

The “body type catagories survey for women(based on something called OKCupid) gives six categories on preferences among Aspergers, currently showing the following:

Athletic 11%
Average 15%
A “little extra” 19%
Overweight 20%
Curvy 25%
Full Figured 30%

Now. To be fair, I don’t think the associated “Curvy” and “Full Figured” photos, here, were much more than size 14-18 respectively at the most. The guy doing the survey admitted as much later in the thread. Still, the reply percentages do tend to run more towards plumpness than one might have expected.

Another thread in the same forum about “What Attracts You” seemed full of terms like intelligence, geekiness, friendliness wetc and was noticeably short on concern about any physical characteristics. The one exception included several R rated references to breast and butt size &#8211; and the one below it noted cooking skills.



> Polish/Eastern European girls are the hottest … they seem to like or be more accepting of me,… if you can cook, and look reasonably attractive (ie aren't 300 pounds) you'll probably get any guy in the entire universe.


A few comments later one guy observed 



> I like a woman who loves to eat a lot.



This was just from a month’s worth of posts in a thread that runs well over a hundred pages. I would suggest this type of response is atypical of a more random selection of guys, but it helps support the OPs original thesis.


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## bigsexy920 (Dec 4, 2011)

My Nephew has Aspergers - he is high functioning. He is so funny and says things that always throw you for a loop. ( he is my favorite nephew)

One thing he has said to me while sitting on my lap and getting his 5th hug hello, you know ... a little man could happily live in your underbelly. Very matter of fact - not being mean or sexual - just a, hey guess what, sorta tone. 

He is my only experience with someone with Aspergers so I think there is a connection. Not scientific just an observation.


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## penguin (Dec 4, 2011)

blubrluvr said:


> That's right. I'm posting an a liberal-dominated-overly-politically-correct forum where censorship is the rule.



It's nothing to do with that. Your experience isn't everyone's experience, and just because you "are" something doesn't mean you can say or do certain things and have it be okay.


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## blubrluvr (Dec 5, 2011)

penguin said:


> It's nothing to do with that. Your experience isn't everyone's experience, and just because you "are" something doesn't mean you can say or do certain things and have it be okay.



I have the right to speak my mind. I REFUSE to let someone call me "abnormal" or have people take a patronizing attitude toward my "condition". I'm different. That's all. Our personality type was given a label (only a few decades ago I might add) and that has done little more than feed the stigma. Frankly, I consider our traits to be downright DESIRABLE. We often excel at logic, mathematics and analytical thinking. We're honest, sometimes brutally so, but we need more honesty in the world IMHO. Labeling us as having a disorder is arrogant and dehumanizing. I have the right to express my opinion when I say I believe we have been unfairly labeled by those in the psychological profession. They don't understand us. They can't. They're not like us. They are guilty of the same crime as as any group that considers itself superior. And they *DO* consider themselves superior IMHO. They don't relate to us. They see us as different and therefore "abnormal". Who are they to set the standard for what a human personality should be like?


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## orin (Dec 5, 2011)

ChubbyChaserDave said:


> I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 4 and I'm a pretty hardcore FA. My best friend who also has Asperger's is also a FA except unlike me he's gay. Another one of my friends who knows both of us and does not have Asperger's once said to me that he wondered if there was some sort of connection between having Asperger's and being a FA. I don't know if there is, but it is an interesting concept.



A homosexual FA ?? ... interesting 

Funny thing was ... I was diagnosed with aspergers around 4-5 myself ... but ... thing is grew up in a very unforgiving environment... so i accommodated for that ... but i still run into some issues, but i just play it off .. most people would never guess i ever was diagnosed with such a thing, to this day i wonder if it was accurate.

I was SOOO NERDY growing up until I graduated college. I had to teach myself how to understand peoples emotions better ... i had to watch an analyze very simple things ... people seem to just get right away.


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## penguin (Dec 5, 2011)

blubrluvr said:


> I have the right to speak my mind. I REFUSE to let someone call me "abnormal" or have people take a patronizing attitude toward my "condition". I'm different. That's all. Our personality type was given a label (only a few decades ago I might add) and that has done little more than feed the stigma. Frankly, I consider our traits to be downright DESIRABLE. We often excel at logic, mathematics and analytical thinking. We're honest, sometimes brutally so, but we need more honesty in the world IMHO. Labeling us as having a disorder is arrogant and dehumanizing. I have the right to express my opinion when I say I believe we have been unfairly labeled by those in the psychological profession. They don't understand us. They can't. They're not like us. They are guilty of the same crime as as any group that considers itself superior. And they *DO* consider themselves superior IMHO. They don't relate to us. They see us as different and therefore "abnormal". Who are they to set the standard for what a human personality should be like?



I never said any of those things. I did say that your experience isn't everyone else's experience. 

Honesty is important, yes, but so is tact and understanding other people's emotions, including how and why your words and actions might affect them. Being able to relate to other people and their emotions is important for successful social interaction, and that is something a lot of autistic people have trouble with. It doesn't make anyone better or less than anyone else, it just helps people work together.


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## butch (Dec 5, 2011)

I think I've typed this out somewhere on these boards before (maybe on the thread Ruby Ripples started), but I have an idea about autism and FA-ness. It probably is far-fetched, but it isn't a belief of mine, just an interesting linkage to think about.

Those of you familiar with Temple Grandin know about her squeeze box. She feels better when she has total, all over body pressure and touch that her squeeze box gives her. She puts forth the idea that this is because of her autism. I would imagine to a smaller person who feels as Temple Grandin does, that being laid on or otherwise pressed against a much larger person would offer the same sort of pleasure that Temple Grandin's squeeze box gives her.

I'm not saying anything about percentages of FAs that are on the autism spectrum, just that I wonder if Temple Grandin would have needed a squeeze box if she was partnered with a fat person.


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## Tad (Dec 5, 2011)

I suspect (no proof) that there is a correlation between Autism spectrum disorders and:
- how apt people are to do a lot of their socialization over the internet
- how apt people are to unabashadly look for their preferences, without worrying too much what other people think
- odds of being single

I would think that these would all tend to increase the representation of such people on any online forum that caters to to their particular sexual interest. In other words, it wouldn't surprise me if there were more than average at a place like this. Which in turn means that there being more than average at a place like this may not say anything about the general population.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 5, 2011)

blubrluvr said:


> I've been thinking about this a lot. I've noticed that the "geek" factor is indeed part of FA-dom. When I say "geek" I don't necessarily mean technical/scientific aptitude, but that non-conformist, misfit, outcast quality. Another aspect is "obsessive" traits that are often associated with Asperger's.
> 
> Now, I have problems with Asperger's being labeled some kind of abnormality. I think that it is simply a "difference" much like eye, skin or hair color. Nevertheless, the psychological community seems to have done a wonderful job labeling those with varying personality traits. Aspies seem to be less concerned about how other people feel about them. There are those (I'll label them as suffering from "Asshole Syndrome") who are obsessed about the image the present and their social standing. They're manipulative, obsessed with things like office politics and pop culture. They're the ultimate conformists. Unfortunately, society seems to reward that behavior and these people tend to rise to positions of power, wealth and influence.
> 
> ...



I must say, a high percentage of the people I've dated are people with varying degrees of aspergers. I'd be inclined to say that the reasons are actually opposite of what you describe. People with aspergers tend to be much more direct and clear as to their thoughts and intentions which I really respond to rather than the usual flirtations that most peopel employ. Subtle signals are virtually undetectable to me. While I agree with most of what you've said about people with aspies, there is one aspect of aspies that I find distinctly unpleasant. There is always an area in which a person with Aspergers percieves themselves to be completely above and beyond common rules. If s/he feels s/he has had enough training and is smarter than all the other students s/he will simply stop progressing through the program even though finishing is required by law to be licensed. If s/he's read everythign there is to read about brain surgery, s/he will consider herself an expert though s/he is not licensed or approved to practice. Ceremony and structural formality are meaningless to them only within the particular area in which they feel superior to everyone else. Without fail, each person with aspergers I've met had an area in their conciousness that they simply could not subject to review or critique no matter how well reasoned the argument in favor. It's like an achilles heel.


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## Jay West Coast (Dec 6, 2011)

I would guess that I'm fairly opposite to this thesis. I don't carry much in the way of Asperger's traits; instead I'm quite people-focused, work hard to be direct, lack attention rather than obsess, and truly am an expert in nothing. 

That being said, perhaps its easier to find FA's with Aspergers because they are the FA's who are most likely to be frank about their preferences.


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## Weirdo890 (Dec 8, 2011)

I seem to be in that group that both is a hardcore FA, and has Aspergers. I don't think the two go hand in hand, but it's nice to know there are others like me.


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## Weirdo890 (Dec 8, 2011)

Jay West Coast said:


> I would guess that I'm fairly opposite to this thesis. I don't carry much in the way of Asperger's traits; instead I'm quite people-focused, work hard to be direct, lack attention rather than obsess, and truly am an expert in nothing.
> 
> That being said, perhaps its easier to find FA's with Aspergers because they are the FA's who are most likely to be frank about their preferences.



That could be true. That's something to look into. *puts on thinking cap and gets out thinking pipe*


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## Melian (Dec 9, 2011)

butch said:


> I think I've typed this out somewhere on these boards before (maybe on the thread Ruby Ripples started), but I have an idea about autism and FA-ness. It probably is far-fetched, but it isn't a belief of mine, just an interesting linkage to think about.
> 
> Those of you familiar with Temple Grandin know about her squeeze box. She feels better when she has total, all over body pressure and touch that her squeeze box gives her. She puts forth the idea that this is because of her autism. I would imagine to a smaller person who feels as Temple Grandin does, that being laid on or otherwise pressed against a much larger person would offer the same sort of pleasure that Temple Grandin's squeeze box gives her.
> 
> I'm not saying anything about percentages of FAs that are on the autism spectrum, just that I wonder if Temple Grandin would have needed a squeeze box if she was partnered with a fat person.



This reminds me of something I read in a journal article a while back: autistic children are calmed by whole-body pressure, so heavy blankets and such can be placed on the child to soothe them during anxiety attacks, tantrums, etc. Maybe this is also a factor in relationships later in life.


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## Scorsese86 (Dec 9, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Hitler ate pickles and was a nazi, therefore everyone who eats pickles is a nazi. I'm sure lots of people with Aspy's and aspy-like symptoms (which people without apsy's also can have) like fat people just like lots of people without it like fat people. I'm also sure that lots of people with it like thin people just like lots of people without it like fat people.
> 
> Pickles.
> 
> ...



Oh, Elaine... didn't you know that both Napoleon and Hitler had just one testicle? That means that every crazy dictator has just one ball


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## Scorsese86 (Dec 9, 2011)

But to answer this properly: I am a geek, a real nerd. I have some intererests and hobbies that I can be a bit obsessed with, (I guess most people who know me here know this), and it's true I am not really the most social person, but I don't have Aspergers.

Oh, and, by the way, I'm an FA.


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## joswitch (Dec 9, 2011)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Just fyi Asperger's may be going away as a diagnosis. We'd just be High Functioning ASD in the new DSM5 when it comes out.
> 
> From the DSM5 website:
> The work group is proposing that this disorder be subsumed into an existing disorder: Autistic Disorder (Autism Spectrum Disorder).
> ...



Agreed. I strongly dislike the labelling of non-violent, "socially challenging" personalities as being somehow medically "disordered".

Just like the bullshit medicalisation of body type variation - for profit, IMO a lot of the "personality disorders" created by psychiatrists are exactly that, BS for $$$.
_
"Conform! Or be medicated! 
Pay to be normal! Bow down and obey!"_

Fuck that noise.

Being an FA is not a "disorder". Nor is telling uncomfortable truths.


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## joswitch (Dec 9, 2011)

blubrluvr said:


> I have the right to speak my mind. I REFUSE to let someone call me "abnormal" or have people take a patronizing attitude toward my "condition". I'm different. That's all. Our personality type was given a label (only a few decades ago I might add) and that has done little more than feed the stigma. Frankly, I consider our traits to be downright DESIRABLE. We often excel at logic, mathematics and analytical thinking. We're honest, sometimes brutally so, but we need more honesty in the world IMHO. Labeling us as having a disorder is arrogant and dehumanizing. I have the right to express my opinion when I say I believe we have been unfairly labeled by those in the psychological profession. They don't understand us. They can't. They're not like us. They are guilty of the same crime as as any group that considers itself superior. And they *DO* consider themselves superior IMHO. They don't relate to us. They see us as different and therefore "abnormal". Who are they to set the standard for what a human personality should be like?



Absolutely. I was talking to a female acquaintance the other day, and she said she went to a psych who assigned her the label "psychopath" because: 
- she wouldn't cry during their sessions, 
- and she asked for a different psych as she disliked the confrontational way he repeatedly tried to make her cry.

This happened in the UK. She is Finnish. The Finns legendary reserve is not without foundation. Duh.

Many psychs, including that one, would be better employed sweeping the streets IMO.

(FTR, I'm not Aspy. Altho' I've no doubt that I come across as Aspy here on DIMs, that's purely because I chose to shut down pretty much all expression of emotion on this board, post being attacked - on the "protected" FA board no less - for expressing my emotions re. the "challenging" subject of being an FA dealing / failing to deal with a lover's extreme weightloss. 
After that shellacking, why would I put my feelings out there again? I'm much, much more careful who I show my emotions to now, especially online. In RL it's much easier for me get a "feel" for what people are like.)


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## joswitch (Dec 9, 2011)

butch said:


> I think I've typed this out somewhere on these boards before (maybe on the thread Ruby Ripples started), but I have an idea about autism and FA-ness. It probably is far-fetched, but it isn't a belief of mine, just an interesting linkage to think about.
> 
> Those of you familiar with Temple Grandin know about her squeeze box. She feels better when she has total, all over body pressure and touch that her squeeze box gives her. She puts forth the idea that this is because of her autism. I would imagine to a smaller person who feels as Temple Grandin does, that being laid on or otherwise pressed against a much larger person would offer the same sort of pleasure that Temple Grandin's squeeze box gives her.
> 
> I'm not saying anything about percentages of FAs that are on the autism spectrum, just that I wonder if Temple Grandin would have needed a squeeze box if she was partnered with a fat person.



Doesn't a good hug make pretty much everyone feel better?
I'm sure I read somewhere hugs lower blood pressue etc...
Humans are tactile creatures, after all.


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## butch (Dec 9, 2011)

joswitch said:


> Doesn't a good hug make pretty much everyone feel better?
> I'm sure I read somewhere hugs lower blood pressue etc...
> Humans are tactile creatures, after all.



True, but my understanding of the autism spectrum is that many forms of human-to-human touch are actually avoided because the stimulation is unpleasant for many people with autism. Temple Grandin, if I recall, is unable to have human touch, hence the squeeze box.


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## joswitch (Dec 9, 2011)

butch said:


> True, but my understanding of the autism spectrum is that many forms of human-to-human touch are actually avoided because the stimulation is unpleasant for many people with autism. Temple Grandin, if I recall, is unable to have human touch, hence the squeeze box.



Oh, ok, I wasn't aware of that (or if I was, I'd forgotten). Wow, touch is such a fundamental thing, that's really sad.


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## Weirdo890 (Dec 9, 2011)

KHayes666 said:


> I'm not a geek, I don't have aspergers and yet I love fat girls.
> 
> Maybe I'm the exception to the rule.



I think you're the one that non-geek FAs should look to to come out of the proverbial closet.


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## mediaboy (Dec 10, 2011)

I don't know, most aspies I've known have been nearly nonsexual. They are far to obsessed with whatever their particular life interest seems to be.

In most cases its some super geek shit.

Or veterinary medicine.

Either way, I'm attention deficit as hell & definately not an aspie but never the less I enjoy large ladies all the same.

Perhaps FAdom is simply an inherited trait to a certainly degree. My father enjoys the carnal pleasure of breasts larger than a five pound bag of peat moss & I've never known him to give a tall slender girl the eye if you catch my drift.

Then again it could be that a great deal of bbws are in fact nerds themselves & when two nerds comingle their super social awkwardness doubles into a child with aspergurs or what ever.

Anyways, I freezing cold, very drunk, & generally in a pessimistic contrarian mood so my opinion should probably be counted least amongst the annals or anals of sexual orientation research.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 10, 2011)

That last sentence was superb. I applaud you, sir.


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## Gendo Ikari (Dec 10, 2011)

As a person with Aspergers my sense of touch is hypersensitive. I only wear certain clothing because of how it feels. And I've found the feeling of fat it's self to be something heavenly, it feels like silk to me


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## FatAndProud (Dec 10, 2011)

Just gives me hope, for my future husband & I...


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## HereticFA (Dec 20, 2011)

blubrluvr said:


> I have the right to speak my mind. I REFUSE to let someone call me "abnormal" or have people take a patronizing attitude toward my "condition". I'm different. That's all. Our personality type was given a label (only a few decades ago I might add) and that has done little more than feed the stigma. Frankly, I consider our traits to be downright DESIRABLE. We often excel at logic, mathematics and analytical thinking. We're honest, sometimes brutally so, but we need more honesty in the world IMHO. Labeling us as having a disorder is arrogant and dehumanizing. I have the right to express my opinion when I say I believe we have been unfairly labeled by those in the psychological profession. They don't understand us. They can't. They're not like us. They are guilty of the same crime as as any group that considers itself superior. And they *DO* consider themselves superior IMHO. They don't relate to us. They see us as different and therefore "abnormal". Who are they to set the standard for what a human personality should be like?



This makes me think of the logical Vulcans and the emotional Romulans of Star Trek. The Yin and Yang personality types of the universe. Without one or the other, the universe is out of balance.

I suspect the personality types with no identifiable traits and quirks are actually the abnormal ones. Since it usually takes someone on the outside of a set of traits to recognize and characterize those traits, we need more Aspies going into Psychology to get a different perspective on "average" traits.

I can tell you that since schools started drugging so many of the kids (mostly males) who have ADD and ADHD, the quality and quantity of engineers seems to have declined. I'm sure many Asperger's kids were drugged as well. Few people have the singleminded drive to pursue the right answer to a technical problem without the tunnel vision focus of an Aspie. Now we have people more suited to being clerks and theatre majors trying to be engineers. If they can't get an answer quickly, they lose interest and try a different approach. When they run out of approaches before they find an answer, they give up.

FA and Aspie summation: Maybe it takes an Aspie to continually woo a BBW s/he finds attractive until success is received. Unlike the relationship process of average people, it can be a much longer and drawn out process for an FA and their BBW. I haven't heard of many FA/BBW couples meeting and getting married in two months. It's usually a courtship of two or more years (sometimes much more). Average people seem to meet, mate and marry in about a one year period. The same process seems to average about three or four years for FA/BBW couples. I'm not sure about FFA/BHM couples.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 20, 2011)

My ex is in all likelihood an Aspy (and probably a sociopath but that's another thread) and it took us a year to get engaged. The wooing was mutual. I didn't have to be convinced. I was dating several guys at the same time I met him so I didn't need anyone to tell me how attractive I am. 

The plural of anecdote is not data and I'm aware that includes my own.


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## imfree (Dec 20, 2011)

HereticFA said:


> This makes me think of the logical Vulcans and the emotional Romulans of Star Trek. The Yin and Yang personality types of the universe. Without one or the other, the universe is out of balance.
> 
> I suspect the personality types with no identifiable traits and quirks are actually the abnormal ones. Since it usually takes someone on the outside of a set of traits to recognize and characterize those traits, we need more Aspies going into Psychology to get a different perspective on "average" traits.
> 
> ...



As many times as I've kicked my own ass for staying with a technical problem and solving it, when a sane person would have quit and moved on to something profitable, I've also realized that had I been treated for ADD when I was young, I would not have the creativity and problem-solving abilities that I enjoy now. It almost looks like the meds turn creative people into sheeple.


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## mollycoddles (Dec 20, 2011)

blubrluvr said:


> I have the right to speak my mind. I REFUSE to let someone call me "abnormal" or have people take a patronizing attitude toward my "condition". I'm different. That's all. Our personality type was given a label (only a few decades ago I might add) and that has done little more than feed the stigma. Frankly, I consider our traits to be downright DESIRABLE. We often excel at logic, mathematics and analytical thinking. We're honest, sometimes brutally so, but we need more honesty in the world IMHO. Labeling us as having a disorder is arrogant and dehumanizing. I have the right to express my opinion when I say I believe we have been unfairly labeled by those in the psychological profession. They don't understand us. They can't. They're not like us. They are guilty of the same crime as as any group that considers itself superior. And they *DO* consider themselves superior IMHO. They don't relate to us. They see us as different and therefore "abnormal". Who are they to set the standard for what a human personality should be like?



If you actually excelled at logic as much as you say you do, then you would realize that your original theory about there being any correlation between aspergers and being an FA is completely ridiculous and unfounded. 

Also, your claims that you yourself have Aspergers Syndrome and that this gives you the right to spout ridiculous hogwash is exactly the reason that so many people have poor impressions of people with Aspergers. It is not a license to be a jerk. I have known many people with Aspergers who, while they may be socially awkward or have difficulty dealing with other people, are entirely capable of understanding basic concepts of civility and functioning as productive members of society. 

I find it interesting that as soon as someone tells you that you should not use your Aspergers diagnosis as cart blanc to blurt out imbecilic drivel, you suddenly start complaining that "liberals" are "censoring" you. Whatever is wrong with you, I do not think that Aspergers explains it.


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## HereticFA (Dec 21, 2011)

penguin said:


> Where on earth do you get your data from? It sounds like utter rubbish.


Ad hoc personal observations of various couples I've known over thirty years of life in the Fat Acceptance and general communities. It wasn't intended as data for a peer reviewed article or it would have included citations. Oh wait, there's probably never been such a study between those cohorts.

Besides, consider your earlier comment:


penguin said:


> I think you'll find people from all walks of life attracted to fat people, and I don't think people with Asperger's are any more or less likely to be amongst that group.


The same challenge could be made of your comment as well. I attributed it to your personal experiences or observations and not being supported by peer reviewed data.


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## HereticFA (Dec 21, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> My ex is in all likelihood an Aspy (and probably a sociopath but that's another thread) and it took us a year to get engaged. The wooing was mutual. I didn't have to be convinced. I was dating several guys at the same time I met him so I didn't need anyone to tell me how attractive I am.


And I know one Aspie/BBW couple who is still "dating" after twelve years when everyone around them is wondering when they'll wake up and accept they are the ones for each other. I know of another Aspie/BBW couple who met and married in four months.



CastingPearls said:


> The plural of anecdote is not data and I'm aware that includes my own.


And all anecdotes together represent the entire dataset.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 21, 2011)

mollycoddles said:


> If you actually excelled at logic as much as you say you do, then you would realize that your original theory about there being any correlation between aspergers and being an FA is completely ridiculous and unfounded.
> 
> Also, your claims that you yourself have Aspergers Syndrome and that this gives you the right to spout ridiculous hogwash is exactly the reason that so many people have poor impressions of people with Aspergers. It is not a license to be a jerk. I have known many people with Aspergers who, while they may be socially awkward or have difficulty dealing with other people, are entirely capable of understanding basic concepts of civility and functioning as productive members of society.
> 
> I find it interesting that as soon as someone tells you that you should not use your Aspergers diagnosis as cart blanc to blurt out imbecilic drivel, you suddenly start complaining that "liberals" are "censoring" you. Whatever is wrong with you, I do not think that Aspergers explains it.



Yeah, I don't think there's is anything wrong with being an Aspie or anything. You don't have to hide all the knives in the house or anything but I find a lot of Aspies suffer from a type of hubris that nine times out of ten is undeserved. All of the logical analysis is based on the information that is available to them but at times they fail to realize that there is a broad area of information that is undetectable to them that corrupts their understanding. For example, my brother used to believe that his English teacher was a nice lady untill she put her shawl on. When she pulled her shawl from the drawer and draped it on herself to fight the chilly school room he believed that she became evil and mean. My mother had to take him to a shrink for this, he was beside himself. Now we all know that this is ridiculous but to his mind it made perfect sense and in his mind we were all missing the big picture. This is just a small example of how some Aspies will rest all of their laurels on their own perceptions that are sorely lacking in whole components that would lend much to their knowledge had they a frame of reference to see it. There are some Aspies that are self aware enough to give pause and consider, but most of my experiences involve those who do not fit in this category. To them it's everybody else who allows emotions to pollute an otherwise clear and logical conclusion.


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## snuggletiger (Dec 21, 2011)

more broad brush painting and "if we can't explain it, lets attribute it to a disease" Ho Hum.


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## Jack Secret (Dec 21, 2011)

This means I can tell my boss to go f*** himself and not get fired over it! I suffer from a complete lack of a social filter and I'm considered a geek. This is better than Tourette's syndrome.


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## bigmac (Dec 22, 2011)

HereticFA said:


> ...
> 
> FA and Aspie summation: Maybe it takes an Aspie to continually woo a BBW s/he finds attractive until success is received. Unlike the relationship process of average people, it can be a much longer and drawn out process for an FA and their BBW. I haven't heard of many FA/BBW couples meeting and getting married in two months. It's usually a courtship of two or more years (sometimes much more). Average people seem to meet, mate and marry in about a one year period. The same process seems to average about three or four years for FA/BBW couples. I'm not sure about FFA/BHM couples.



This is complete BS. I asked my wife to marry me on our third date.


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## HereticFA (Dec 22, 2011)

bigmac said:


> This is complete BS. I asked my wife to marry me on our third date.


Not necessarily. Do you exhibit Asperger's tendencies or have you been diagnosed as having Asperger's? (No need to answer or post here, it's just an illustrative question.) If not, you may not be representative of the group to which I was referring. It's usually cases where the male FA in the relationship exhibits Asperger's traits that seem to take much longer between dating and marriage. Plus, your short period between first date and marriage is offset by those who take 8, 10 or 14 years to do the same thing. That's why I estimated 3 to 4 years as the _average_. 

And in opposition to my earlier statement about it being the Aspie taking longer to date the (SS)BBW and convince _her_ to marry, it may be the Aspie FA taking much longer to decide on and accept the mate they have vs. starting all over and finding another candidate for marriage. This may be tied to the notorious tendencies of an Aspie to be a perfectionist. Those are my current two (but competing) theories on relationships between a male FA Aspie and a BBW.


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## joswitch (Dec 22, 2011)

mollycoddles said:


> If you actually excelled at logic as much as you say you do, then you would realize that your original theory about there being any correlation between aspergers and being an FA is completely ridiculous and unfounded.
> 
> Also, your claims that you yourself have Aspergers Syndrome and that this gives you the right to spout ridiculous hogwash is exactly the reason that so many people have poor impressions of people with Aspergers. It is not a license to be a jerk. I have known many people with Aspergers who, while they may be socially awkward or have difficulty dealing with other people, are entirely capable of understanding basic concepts of civility and functioning as productive members of society.
> 
> I find it interesting that as soon as someone tells you that you should not use your Aspergers diagnosis as cart blanc to blurt out imbecilic drivel, you suddenly start complaining that "liberals" are "censoring" you. Whatever is wrong with you, I do not think that Aspergers explains it.



If you're trying to look smart by using French idioms, it helps to get them right - it's "carte blanche" (feminine endings).

Also, at no point did the OP rant about "liberal censorship". Nice straw man you built there.


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## CastingPearls (Dec 22, 2011)

snuggletiger said:


> more broad brush painting and "if we can't explain it, lets attribute it to a disease" Ho Hum.


I pretty much never agree with you but on this I do, 100%.


Also, pickles.


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## HereticFA (Dec 23, 2011)

imfree said:


> As many times as I've kicked my own ass for staying with a technical problem and solving it, when a sane person would have quit and moved on to something profitable,


I'm sure you learned something from those pursuits which benefited you later on. Not everything should be tied into an immediate profit motive. Using it as an academic activity is also desirable. That dogged pursuit of an understanding of technical issues represents entry into the state of the "will to think":
http://books.google.com/books?id=2c...ge&q=william shockley "will to think"&f=false

It makes me wonder how many of our great inventors exhibited Aspie tendencies.


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## imfree (Dec 23, 2011)

HereticFA said:


> *I'm sure you learned something from those pursuits which benefited you later on. Not everything should be tied into an immediate profit motive.* Using it as an academic activity is also desirable. That dogged pursuit of an understanding of technical issues represents entry into the state of the "will to think":
> http://books.google.com/books?id=2c...ge&q=william shockley "will to think"&f=false
> 
> It makes me wonder how many of our great inventors exhibited Aspie tendencies.



You're absolutely right. Now'a days, I design and build fairly advanced stuff that either works correctly on first try or works right after "fixing minor wiring/construction bugs"! I'm on oxygen, so I've also learned that perf-board construction, demanding simultaneous visual acuity, manual dexterity, and thinking/reasoning on-the-fly, is a huge metabolic demand! Working an hour or two, then resting for a recharge, and starting back up, is very effective and saves time in the long run by reducing errors. Some of my hospitalizations, a few years ago, were in part, the result of not resting properly during my projects. The understanding and respect of human limits and the discipline to work within my limits is taking me beyond what I thought possible. Sometimes intangible accomplishments are, indeed, priceless!


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## spiritangel (Dec 23, 2011)

I think like anything if you look at the data long enough it will meld into what you want or need it to be

My cousins son is Aspy, Dylan did not hug or show affection till he met me and I grabbed him and gave him a big hug since then he has shown a lot more affection even hugging is family and such

I joked with Amber that he may be an fa in the making (after all he is the one that took the pic of me from behind that started the view from the back thread)

I loved my cousins response as long as she or he (after all he is still very young) loves, respects and is good to her son that is all she cares about.

Love is love why you love one type over another shouldnt really matter what matters is what you do with it and how you treat each other.


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## Dolce (Dec 24, 2011)

spiritangel said:


> Love is love why you love one type over another shouldnt really matter what matters is what you do with it and how you treat each other.



Here, here!


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## disturbed3131 (Dec 26, 2011)

Hey guys, I just feel like I should put in my two cents as this is one of the few topics that I've read in which I actually have something useful to say. My dad, brother, sister, and I all have Aspergers syndrome. I have been attracted to bigger women for as long as I can remember. My sister has dated quite a few large fellows and is now married to a pretty big guy. Though my brother and dad have never come right out and said anything about it, I've been quite certain for a few years that they are both FA's as well just because of some comments that they have made about passing women etc.

I agree that there is a good possibility that Aspies have a tendency to favour large men/women over non-Aspies. This does not mean however, that you HAVE to be an Aspy in order to be an FA (just thought I'd clarify as some people in the thread seem to have gotten the idea that this is what the OP was suggesting). 

Thanks for the thread! I've never actually noticed this before now, but now that I think about it it actually does make quite a bit of sense


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## Lamia (Dec 26, 2011)

joswitch said:


> Also, at no point did the OP rant about "liberal censorship". Nice straw man you built there.



Actually he said:



blubrluvr said:


> That's right. I'm posting an a liberal-dominated-overly-politically-correct forum where censorship is the rule.




I believe the implication is about liberal censorship.

Keep in my mind I don't have any leaning either way in the argument. I just thought maybe you might have missed the particular post the OP made.


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## KiniaFFA (Dec 27, 2011)

I have been diagnosed with Asperger's since I was six and I am a FFA, whatever that means.


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## Yakatori (Dec 27, 2011)

LillyBBBW said:


> "_a lot of Aspies suffer from a type of hubris....logical analysis is based on the information that is available to them but at times they fail to realize that there is a broad area of information that is undetectable to them that corrupts their understanding...will rest all of their laurels on their own perceptions that are sorely lacking in whole components that would lend much to their knowledge had they a frame of reference to see it....To them it's everybody else who allows emotions to pollute an otherwise clear and logical conclusion._"


Yeah, I mean, I don't know if I would choose these words exactly (e.g., "hubris," per se...); but it's not a totally unfair characterization. Certainly, we all have "blind-spots;" but to be blind, insensitive, or, generally, noncogniscient to stimuli that's consistently and fluidly interpreted by 95% or so of the population is more than just "being different." It's a legitimate disability, to put it most directly. Yeah, it is fun to fantasize that each of us has the total freedom to see, hear, think, know, & understand, ect...only as we, individually, choose-to to need to. In a kind of vacuum of our own personal imagination. Then again, reality: We all have to live and work and exist in world designed primarily for and by "other-people." 

As per what *Lamia* first noticed-aloud; case-in -point:


blubrluvr said:


> "_That's right. * I'm posting an a liberal-dominated-overly-politically-correct forum where censorship is the rule.*_"





joswitch said:


> "_If you're trying to look smart by using French idioms, it helps to get them right - it's "carte blanche" (feminine endings).
> 
> Also, *at no point did the OP rant about "liberal censorship". Nice straw man you built there.*_"


You see, *Jos* is just so eager, not too unlike the Gerald character on _Sid the Science Kid_, that he can't help but to excitedly point out this "important detail," that *mollycoddles* has made a mistake! One which he seems to have corrected; but, seemingly, without the most basic awareness of the (more important) context through which the rest of us have interpreted this exchange: 
That the error-itself is not, particularly, significant to most of us who're actually participating in this discussion since we (again, most of us, that is) can easily deduce what *molly* meant based on the rest of what she wrote, even totally absent of any kind of familiarity with that particular phrase.
That the phrase-itself; nor really anything that's researchable with google, is very likely not aimed at actually impressing anyone since (again, for most of us), being fluent in the English language and having enjoyed at least some experience studying a second language and having access to any of a myriad of technological supports, would likely and practically preclude anyone's being actually impressed merely at the introduction of some idiomatic expression of foreign origin.
That, ironically, (at least for those of us afflicted as *Jos* or *blubrluvr*) it's that very inability, to approach or access or assess this very type of context that makes such conditions as much of a challenging prognosis.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 27, 2011)

Yakatori said:


> Yeah, I mean, I don't know if I would choose these words exactly (e.g., "hubris," per se...); but it's not a totally unfair characterization. Certainly, we all have "blind-spots;" but to be blind, insensitive, or, generally, noncogniscient to stimuli that's consistently and fluidly interpreted by 95% or so of the population is more than just "being different." It's a legitimate disability, to put it most directly. Yeah, it is fun to fantasize that each of us has the total freedom to see, hear, think, know, & understand, ect...only as we, individually, choose-to to need to. In a kind of vacuum of our own personal imagination. Then again, reality: We all have to live and work and exist in world designed primarily for and by "other-people."
> 
> As per what *Lamia* first noticed-aloud; case-in -point:You see, *Jos* is just so eager, not too unlike the Gerald character on _Sid the Science Kid_, that he can't help but to excitedly point out this "important detail," that *mollycoddles* has made a mistake! One which he seems to have corrected; but, seemingly, without the most basic awareness of the (more important) context through which the rest of us have interpreted this exchange:
> That the error-itself is not, particularly, significant to most of us who're actually participating in this discussion since we (again, most of us, that is) can easily deduce what *molly* meant based on the rest of what she wrote, even totally absent of any kind of familiarity with that particular phrase.
> ...



Agreed. I was trying, though maybe unsuccessfully, to steer clear from saying that this kind of thing is *always* bad. Though it isn't always bad it certainly isn't always good. There was some language introduced earlier in this thread that suggested that Aspergers puts people on a higher level of conciousness or some such thing and I was merely trying to introduce some examples of why that is not always true. Though on some levels it most definitley can be true, it can be downright problematic at times too.


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## joswitch (Dec 28, 2011)

@Lamia - ah, yes you're right, I'd missed/forgot the post with the reference to censorship. My bad.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 28, 2011)

joswitch said:


> @Lily- what a shame you quoted Yak, I've had Yak's tedious & predictable posts on ignore for a while.
> 
> @Yak - lets explode your smug "analysis":
> 1- I'm not Aspy, at all. (remember you only have 10% of communication in writing, beware amateur interweb psych)
> ...



Sorry Joswitch.


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## joswitch (Dec 28, 2011)

Aw, I was only playing w. you Lilly.. *hugs*
Also, that was a really interesting post re. your bro. vs. his teacher's shawl...

@everyone - so far in thread - looks like FAness doesn't = Aspy, but Aspy may be more likely to be FA.. Agree? Y/N


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 28, 2011)

joswitch said:


> Aw, I was only playing w. you Lilly.. *hugs*
> Also, that was a really interesting post re. your bro. vs. his teacher's shawl...
> 
> @everyone - so far in thread - looks like FAness doesn't = Aspy, but Aspy may be more likely to be FA.. Agree? Y/N



Thanks Joswitch.  And since we're keeping records anyway, my brother is not an FA in any sense. He is bisexual though.


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## penguin (Dec 28, 2011)

joswitch said:


> @everyone - so far in thread - looks like FAness doesn't = Aspy, but Aspy may be more likely to be FA.. Agree? Y/N



I disagree.


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## bonified (Dec 29, 2011)

From my experience, it seems the more askew mentally types are eccentric if they're rather well off financially and the less so, get labelled with some shit or another.


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## Jack Secret (Dec 29, 2011)

If I understand you right it seems like you are articulating the difference between a soldier being a hero or a fool. The only difference is whether they win an award or get shot.

(It it sounded like I was ragging on soldiers that wasn't my intention)



bonified said:


> From my experience, it seems the more askew mentally types are eccentric if they're rather well off financially and the less so, get labelled with some shit or another.


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## Elfcat (Dec 29, 2011)

One on this site called HappyFatGirl which suddenly went dark at the end of last year, I was challenging this one guy who called himself Kyle about his "pray away the FA" stance. I mean he had a signature which said "The beauty of a BBW is bested only by her {something or other}", but when called on his attempts to draft the members into a weight loss program he started calling fatness "physically unacceptable". He claimed that discrimination couldn't possibly happen upon fat people because they're the majority. When I countered that he might consult with Steve Biko's ghost for further information, we went at it and at one point his clever retort of the day was to ask me if I ha mild Asperger's syndrome. It was all I could do to keep from replying, "Or are you just mildly monotonous?"


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## CastingPearls (Dec 29, 2011)

Elfcat said:


> One on this site called HappyFatGirl which suddenly went dark at the end of last year, I was challenging this one guy who called himself Kyle about his "pray away the FA" stance. I mean he had a signature which said "The beauty of a BBW is bested only by her {something or other}", but when called on his attempts to draft the members into a weight loss program he started calling fatness "physically unacceptable". He claimed that discrimination couldn't possibly happen upon fat people because they're the majority. When I countered that he might consult with Steve Biko's ghost for further information, we went at it and at one point his clever retort of the day was to ask me if I ha mild Asperger's syndrome. It was all I could do to keep from replying, "Or are you just mildly monotonous?"


non-sequiter--there are many people who are attracted to fat people and are repulsed by that attraction and try to suppress it and are even very hostile to fat people. We all have our anecdotes. Hell, there are many fat people who are repulsed by their own bodies and other fat people. My point is, that it doesn't surprise me at all that someone would change their 'party affiliation' to justify their conflicting thought processes and then attack anyone who threatens their stance du jour.


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## Jack Secret (Dec 30, 2011)

The fat equivalent of something I heard of in the gay community "A fag hating ******".



CastingPearls said:


> non-sequiter--there are many people who are attracted to fat people and are repulsed by that attraction and try to suppress it and are even very hostile to fat people. We all have our anecdotes. Hell, there are many fat people who are repulsed by their own bodies and other fat people. My point is, that it doesn't surprise me at all that someone would change their 'party affiliation' to justify their conflicting thought processes and then attack anyone who threatens their stance du jour.


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## Bananaspills (Dec 30, 2011)

I don't have anything very useful to say, but I love reading this thread... Especially the input by all the Aspies. My little boy has Asperger's and I wouldn't change it, I like that he's different and how quirky it makes him. (Granted, if he was more strongly affected I might feel differently, I don't know...) 
Also, he's only 5 but yeah my DH and I joke he's a FA in the making, because he loves running into me and bouncing off my butt, and also stroking my arms to settle himself (not his dad's more muscular arms, just my chubby ones.) He does have some problems with eye contact, but he has always been tactile and cuddly.
I forgot to mention my DH is also a FA (he always prefered bigger women and doesn't tend to find thin women attractive, from what he's told me) and although he was never diagnosed he believes he has some degree of Asperger's, and that our son got it from him. There's my totally worthless anecdote of the day


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## Ernest Nagel (Jan 2, 2012)

I'm not sure we'll ever have enough data to support or disprove correlation but there's something I'm willing to speculate on. Maybe it's just a resonance based on shared experience? Aspy's and BBW both understand what it's like to be judged/excluded solely because of superficial characteristics. We're both books that are often judged by our covers. Maybe for that simple reason we're a little more willing to take the time to see below the surface?

I've also discovered that a disproportionate percentage of BBW have a profound and radiant inner beauty. Not to say that conventionally beautiful women can't have bright souls or that BBW can't be bitches to the core but my experience favors BBW. I freely admit my bias, of course. 

The heart still wants what the heart wants, though. That said, only BBW have taken the time to see past my coarse and awkward surface to the almost decent, randomly funny and occasionally sweet guy underneath. You could say they're less picky but I choose to think of them as more discerning and less judgmental. :happy:


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## Aspendos (May 18, 2013)

I was diagnosed with Asperger's only this week and am a fat gay man (bear type, 180 kilo). I happened across this thread because I'm looking to meet gay FAs who don't mind my Asperger's (i.e. who might have Asperger's themselves).

Anyone interested, please PM me.


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## EverybodysDracula (Jul 4, 2013)

I kinda dropped off the map from last year when I was about to post in this thread but it's worth mentioning I have Asperger's and I recall a time when Aspies got railroaded off the internet's forums if one dared to mention you had this condition people assumed did not exist, but this place seems safe enough so yeah.

I know some autistic spectrum types hate tactile stuff and cuddling but I've always liked tactile cuddly stuff but so far have had no opportunity to explore my sense of FA self other than the fact that my attraction to plump women I can cuddle into like awesome lady teddy bears (I apologise if this seems weird or sexist, I just love cuddly plump women who love being cuddled since most of my life I've not been in a family of huggers apart from my mother).

I get worried I won't ever find the right person especially in Australia where the dating pool is a bit weird due to a smaller population. I just wouldn't know where to meet a nice BBW who'd let me snuggle up to her and smooch her. My friends drag me out to night clubs sometimes but I have a very strong reaction to loud club music that makes me want to flee the vicinity like I'm Malcolm McDowell fleeing Beethoven's 9th, only in this case the music isn't that good so I'm okay with not liking it.

I'm very, very new to grappling with my FA status since I'm very inexperienced with dating women at all, haven't had a girlfriend yet and both times I asked out a BBW girl in high school out on a date I was both rejected by them and laughed at by my classmates. I can't really say I'm bitter about women because in order to be bitter about women you have to go through a number of break ups like my twin brother did, he's in a relationship now but the way he depicts commitment in the way he talks about his relationships I get the feeling that my twin brother is giving me horrible advice about how life works based on his horrendously corrupting college experience in Queensland, whereas I ended up studying close to home with my parents in Sydney. I'm just green enough to be full of innocence and wonder about romance but also beaten down enough times to be terrified of trying to ask anyone out, BBW or not.


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## moonvine (Aug 27, 2013)

Hasn't Asperger's been removed from the DSM?


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## Aspendos (Aug 27, 2013)

moonvine said:


> Hasn't Asperger's been removed from the DSM?



Not everyone lives in the United States. In other countries the ICD-10 of the World Health Organization is used and Asperger's has not been removed from that manual. Also, everyone diagnosed with Asperger's in the US keeps their diagnosis until they are re-assessed, when in most cases they will get a new diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder instead.


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## Tad (Aug 27, 2013)

And interestingly enough, just as it was removed from the DSM, this study came out of Harvard Medical school: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23902729

It compared neurotypical kids, kids with diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome, and those with a diagnosis of autism. It built on a previous study which had found differences in connectedness of certain parts of the brains between neurotypical and autistic kids. When you compare the Aspergers kids in those same ways, they look more like the autistic kids than the neurotypical kids, so in that way you could say that Aspergers is mild Autism. 

However, when they look in more detail at the Aspergers kids versus the Autistic kids, they found some clear differences, and that with high confidence level they could distinguish the brains of the kids with an Aspergers diagnosis from those with an Autism one. That there is a clear and measurable difference implies that they are not really the same thing, and that those diagnoses had a real validity to them. (It doesnt show up in the summary that I linked to, but if you read the whole thing they find that there is one measure where there is even less connectedness in the Aspergers kids, but that in another they have a very high level of connectedness, suggesting possibly a compensating mechanism where they make up for challenges in some areas by building on a strength in another)

Given which, I wonder how many professionals in the field will resist changing an Aspergers diagnosis to an Autism one, at least for anything other than insurance or other official purposes that require a DSM category?

(Thanks to Dromond, I think it was, who had linked to this study in a post elsewhere on the boards)


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## Oldtimer76 (Aug 27, 2013)

Hello all, I hope this link will work: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21846&highlight=autism
The topic was started by Arrhythmia back in 2007 and it's called April is Autism Awareness Month. We came to the conclusion that Autism and asperger were related in some way to fat admiration.


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## Tad (Aug 27, 2013)

Hey Gourneau, I'm glad that you made at least some sort of connection to help, by the sounds of it.

I would assume that there must be some Asperger support forums out there? (I don't know, but it is the net, what isn't out there somewhere?). Could be worth searching for, as you may find more people who have been where you are and have advise that might better fit your life. Not that there aren't some aspies here, but I think it is kind of a limited pool? Also people who will offer good wishes, of course, but without understanding what it is like to be in your head, it is hard to offer advice about what might help, I think?

Anyway, best of luck, and keep working on improving the situation. Sometimes it is amazing where we can get, if we can just keep putting one foot in front of the other (figuratively speaking, although I suppose literally too).


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## adam (Dec 26, 2016)

I wasn't diagnosed with high functioning asperger's until I was well into my 40's, but a lot of things I couldn't understand throughout my life now make sense.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Tapatalk


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## TwoSwords (Jan 28, 2017)

ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) is a classification of neurological conditions, related to the structure of the human brain, and is therefore a legitimate medical condition that can be diagnosed, but, because it involves the structure of the brain, it cannot and will not be "cured." ASD is also an umbrella term for five sub-conditions, formerly referred to as "Autism," "Asperger's Syndrome," "Disintegrative Childhood Disorder," "Rett Syndrome" and "Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified." Because all of these conditions are so similar, and draw their symptoms from the same overall pool, the current consensus is that these conditions should no longer be separated, which is why they're often referred to as "Autism Spectrum Disorder" or "ASD."

Now, the reason why I say that ASD has a "pool" of symptoms, is that the symptoms of ASD can actually be contrary to each other, from being unable to comprehend the emotions of others, to being overly-sympathetic to others' emotions. For this reason, it's impossible for anyone to have *all* of the symptoms in the ASD pool, though some will have more than others, and some with have some symptoms more strongly than others do.

The link between ASD and sexuality is not at all well understood, but we do know that there is a correlation between ASD and non-standard feelings of attraction. Some feel attraction very early, some very late, some not at all, some to things that others can't appreciate, etc, and that's where the FA link comes in.

Now, it's possible that some of those with ASD have something in their brains, which forces them to react only or mainly to certain stimuli as attractive. It's also possible that many more people have these feelings, but that those with ASD, already being social outcasts in other areas, are less concerned with the social ramifications of expressing this aspect of themselves openly. We don't know what the precise link is yet, because the human brain is still strange and uncharted to a large degree.

So there you go. Ultimately, the answer is... there is a connection, but we don't really know what it is yet.


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## fatgrllvr (Sep 10, 2017)

I've been an FA since sexuality first smacked me upside the head at age 11. Recently (about one hundred years later), I've learned that I'm also an aspie. The latter discovery has explained many things I've never understood about myself. 

I'm not sure if my Asperger's explains my being an FA (which I prefer to attribute to good taste), but I guess there could be a connection. It does seem like there are quite a few aspies on this thread, and we do tend to be far less influenced by society's accepted opinions and "norms" than most neurotypicals (non-aspies). 

To digress a little, I'm sad that the American psychiatric community decided to dissolve the Asperger's classification into the general autism spectrum. It seems as though it would have made more sense to continue addressing this syndrome as a specific autism subset, since it has its own peculiar range of characteristics. Oh, well.


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## loopytheone (Sep 11, 2017)

Also autistic and also an FA, chiming in to say that I agree pretty much completely with TwoSwords on this; he's said everything I have to say on the topic. 

Being less aware of peer pressure might be another aspect to it as well. I don't understand peer pressure and I don't think I ever will; I don't care what other people like, dislike, want or hate. Literally as long as people don't throw things at me or hit me with things, I really couldn't care less what they do.


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## Tad (Sep 11, 2017)

One factor frequently found in ASD is having a few, intense, foci of interest. With zero evidence, it feels like this could relate to sexuality too.


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## FatAndProud (Sep 20, 2017)

Chiming in to say my first crush was on a Fellow Dr. during my clinical rotations in college. He had Asperger's. He was insanely funny, in a dry humor sort of way. My classmates would make fun of me because "Dr. Aspie" likes you. I liked him back...ah, but I was too shy. I'd love to see him again!


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## Etiola (Jan 19, 2018)

One of my ex was Asperger and, although his main partner (we were both polyamorous at the time) is ~ 300 lbs/5'8" and he loves her a lot, he has expressed his preference for skinny girls. I have anorexia, and when I was 92-94 lbs/5'1" (I'm 106 lbs now) he kept telling me how much he liked my body. My current bf is also Asperger and he not only told me he likes thin girls, he admitted that he wouldn't have dated me back when I was 180+lbs/5'1" because he dislikes fat girls (that kinda hurt, but we discussed about it). I doubt there's a connection between being Asperger and a FA.


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## Etiola (Jan 19, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> The link between ASD and sexuality is not at all well understood, but we do know that there is a correlation between ASD and non-standard feelings of attraction. Some feel attraction very early, some very late, some not at all, some to things that others can't appreciate, etc, and that's where the FA link comes in



Very well said.


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## imchet (Sep 11, 2019)

I'm Aspie. I have a strong, pretty much exclusive attraction to bbw/ssbbws. Even since my earliest sexual development. I need the heavy pressure and feedback a heavy partner gives. I also need to never run out of things to touch. To me they seem cuddlier, and kinder in the way they present physically. I would go far as to say I find thin women quite intimidating. I know that those last two thoughts are pretty superficial but it's just how I'm wired. I absolutely adore my current girlfriend who would think she's certainly in ssbbw territory. Every time I see here I'm delighted by her size.


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## phylissfogg (Sep 18, 2019)

blubrluvr said:


> Having been diagnosed myself and having two offspring with the same label, I think, affords me the right to say as I please.
> 
> It's been suggested that Edison and Einstein were Aspergers.
> 
> ...


It's also been suggested that Hans Asperger himself had it.


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## adam.brown.71 (Nov 14, 2022)

adam said:


> I wasn't diagnosed with high functioning asperger's until I was well into my 40's, but a lot of things I couldn't understand throughout my life now make sense.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Tapatalk



I thought this thread seemed familiar.


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