# One rude comment can ruin your whole night...



## bella929 (Jul 17, 2011)

I went out barhopping last night with a group of friends to celebrate one of their 21st birthdays-since I'm still not of age, I was the DD and ended up mostly waiting outside while they got our friend properly liquored up.

We were in one of the more questionable/raunchy neighborhoods in my city, and I was waiting outside alone wearing a tank top and shorts...so I got quite a few individuals trying to buy me drinks or have me accompany them to a different bar. One guy even tried to grab me and take me to his place....eeep. Made me wish I hadn't lost my pepper spray. :doh:

Now some of this attention was unwanted and annoying, but there were times it was sort of flattering. 

What ruined my night was a couple of drunk guys passing by in a taxi. I was running after one of my drunk friends, and they started yelling things at me. "Don't do it, you're fat!" "You gotta burn off some calories!" ...among other things i couldn't quite make out.
I know they were drunk. And stupid drunk guys say/do stupid things when they're together. And that I shouldn't let hurtful things strangers say to me get to me...

But I can't really help it. Later that night two of my friends noticed I was sort of upset, and I told them what happened. Then, because they're my friends, they promised to kick the crap out of the guys, and assured me that I was beautiful the way I was, etc etc. Now I know I should listen to my friends, and that it's their opinion that really matters, not those guys from the taxi...yet...since they're my friends, I feel that they were obligated to tell me those things. Even if I was unattractive, they would've still told me that I was beautiful, because since I'm their friend, I AM beautiful to them.

I'm still a little upset about it. Am I really so big to you that you need to yell at me to lose weight? I already know what I look like. I'm already trying to lose weight...I don't need you to bring me down even more. ::sigh::
Just when I was starting to feel more self-confident, something like this happens and I'm starting to feel really self-conscious and insecure again. Perhaps it was my fault for wearing clothes that showed so much skin. If I had been wearing a sweater/jeans or something, I doubt I would've drawn as much attention to myself.

Very conflicted right now. I want to love the skin I'm in, but some people make it very difficult.


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## Fat Brian (Jul 17, 2011)

Don't let the rantings of drunken idiots get you down. You were probably not their only target that night and they obviously can't handle their booze. They most likely yelled at everyone on the sidewalk between their bar and home because they were trying to forget their miserable, can't get a girlfriend lives. I find that things yelled from moving cars are rarely things to reexamine your life over.


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## mossystate (Jul 17, 2011)

_" Am I really so big that you need to yell at me to lose weight. "_

Nobody " needs " verbal abuse...not even really fat people. 

The assholes in that car ( along with the piece of shit who thought he had the right to grab your body ) moved along to spew at many others that night, whatever they looked like. Doesn't make the sting of it all go away, I know. They went home and puked on themselves and have huge headaches this afternoon. They don't remember you.......try not to remember them.


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## MissAshley (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm sorry that happened to you. The way I see it, every single person in the world has critics... people who think you aren't their cup of tea. Even extremely thin and supermodels have an audience who think they aren't attractive. But I guarantee that for every person who think you aren't attractive, there are 100 or more that do find you very good looking. 

But I know how it can only take one negative comment to ruin it all. If you don't mind, I'll share my story. A couple years ago, I posted a blog about my competing for Miss USA and needing sponsorship funds to help me buy my wardrobe. Some random guy comments laughing at me and saying that I am not Miss USA material. When I asked him why he thought that, he replied that although I have a nice body, I look too old and tired in my face judging by the photos I have posted on my site. The old part really confused me because people in real life never can believe I am over 20 years old. Bouncers usually inspect my ID for a good 10 seconds whenever I go to a bar or club while barely glancing at my friends IDs. Maybe I photograph older than I look in real life. But I can understand why he thought I look tired since I work 60 hours between 2 job, one of them being graveyard shift. I work my ass off at both jobs so of course I am tired.

But anyway, it did hurt. Especially when I looked at his facebook that he linked, he was no prize himself lol. But then I realized that everyone has haters and that you can't have fans without haters so I shrugged him off and realized that not everyone is going to think you are attractive, but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty more people who think you are. 

But when all is said and done, what others think doesn't matter. It's what you think of yourself, which is no one else's business and they have no right to inflict on your self image. And what do those idiots have? A shitty personality and I bet girls aren't beating their doors down for a date, right?


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## bella929 (Jul 17, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> Don't let the rantings of drunken idiots get you down. You were probably not their only target that night and they obviously can't handle their booze. They most likely yelled at everyone on the sidewalk between their bar and home because they were trying to forget their miserable, can't get a girlfriend lives. I find that things yelled from moving cars are rarely things to reexamine your life over.



Probably very likely that I wasn't their only target...but what you say rings true-since they didn't even have the guts to say it to my face, the less reason to pay any mind to what they said. 



mossystate said:


> _" Am I really so big that you need to yell at me to lose weight. "_
> 
> Nobody " needs " verbal abuse...not even really fat people.
> 
> The assholes in that car ( along with the piece of shit who thought he had the right to grab your body ) moved along to spew at many others that night, whatever they looked like. Doesn't make the sting of it all go away, I know. They went home and puked on themselves and have huge headaches this afternoon. They don't remember you.......try not to remember them.



"Nobody " needs " verbal abuse...not even really fat people. " That's very true, I didn't mean to imply that it's any more acceptable for fat people to be put down! Just expressing my frustration that their idea of having fun was to harass someone who didn't do anything to them. Thank you both for your perspectives-it's very reassuring, and it's nice to hear it from individuals who aren't obligated to make me feel better. (But I already am feeling much better about the incident!)


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## NJDoll (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm really sorry that happened to you as well. It's really sad how immature especially men can be when put into a group with a few glasses on beer. 

I could sit here and tell you some of my stories as well and also tell you some inspirational moments of when I realized "ahh I am cute!" but I will leave you with this final thought... 

Most likely if you spoke to one of those cruel guys alone, they would be hitting on you, it is only in a group when men find the need to be assholes. When men are around other men (or shall I say when boys are around other boys) they find the NEED to be like each other, while girls do the same we tend to be less judgmental towards men and more towards our OWN gender. 

Just remember, you are beautiful at any size and given a second chance I bet you 100 bucks one of those guys would have tired to take you home... and if given the second chance you could have kicked them in the balls!


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## Zandoz (Jul 17, 2011)

Stupidity and cruelness tends to grow exponentially in numbers...and doubly so with drunkenness. There is no reason to take anything anyone in that state says to heart.

I think I've said this before, but it still applies...from what I've seen you are a beautiful young woman. Give yourself a break, there is no grounds to second guess that.


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## penguin (Jul 17, 2011)

People like them are asses. They think they're funny and tough for hurling insults out of a moving car (which, BTW, makes them incomprehensible most of the time, and defeats the purpose of the act), but they're immature wankers who don't deserve recognition.

I've had abuse hurled at me as I was walking down the street since I was 10, mostly along the lines of "fat bitch" or "lose weight, fatty", so these guys really aren't too bright or imaginative. One night, as I walked home from work, I had it happen four times, from four different cars. That _really_ hurt. I was in tears over it by the time I got home. But over the years I've learnt to ignore it. It can hurt if I let it, but why should I let it get to me? They're clearly not the sorts of people I would want in my life, so their opinions have no weight (pun intended). I would tell myself that they're clearly not very evolved and are a waste of my time.

They have no idea who you are or what your life is like. They have no idea if you're walking down the street to get somewhere or to exercise - and it really doesn't matter. They don't care. They'll tell you to lose weight and expect you to exercise once and have it be magically gone, because they are just that stupid. 

If any of them had the balls to say it to my face as we were walking down the street instead of hurling random words from a moving car, I'd want to say to them "Congratulations for realising I'm fat! Tell me, when you look at yourself in the mirror, do you find yourself shouting "stupid wanker" too?" But they won't. 

TL;DR They don't matter. It hurts, sure, but they don't matter. Their opinions and their actions aren't ones to welcome into your life. Water off a duck's back, man.


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## randomjenerator (Jul 17, 2011)

Off topic, and I'm sorry those dudes said something that upset you...but what the hell kind of friends do you have? 

I'm sorry, I'm just rather taken aback that you were driving them around all evening and standing outside bars ALONE while they were inside having fun/getting drunk.

I'd be more pissed at my so called friends for treating me like a free car service.


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## Gingembre (Jul 17, 2011)

randomjenerator said:


> Off topic, and I'm sorry those dudes said something that upset you...but what the hell kind of friends do you have?
> 
> I'm sorry, I'm just rather taken aback that you were driving them around all evening and standing outside bars ALONE while they were inside having fun/getting drunk.
> 
> I'd be more pissed at my so called friends for treating me like a free car service.



My thoughts too.


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## MissAshley (Jul 17, 2011)

Yeah I was kinda thinking that too. I know you aren't of age but they should feel really lucky that you agreed to be their DD.


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## Seda (Jul 18, 2011)

Try not to let them get you down. I've spent all my early life surrounded by people who've told me I'm beautiful and I've been married to a man who worships the ground I walk on for a long time regardless of what I look like...

BUT

one random dickhead who sees me for 15 seconds and makes an assessment on me based on that (and _only_ on physical appearance) can make me feel like shit for aaages. And it's absolute bullshit. 

Sorry I have nothing constructive to add/


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## Shosh (Jul 18, 2011)

penguin said:


> People like them are asses. They think they're funny and tough for hurling insults out of a moving car (which, BTW, makes them incomprehensible most of the time, and defeats the purpose of the act), but they're immature wankers who don't deserve recognition.
> 
> I've had abuse hurled at me as I was walking down the street since I was 10, mostly along the lines of "fat bitch" or "lose weight, fatty", so these guys really aren't too bright or imaginative. One night, as I walked home from work, I had it happen four times, from four different cars. That _really_ hurt. I was in tears over it by the time I got home. But over the years I've learnt to ignore it. It can hurt if I let it, but why should I let it get to me? They're clearly not the sorts of people I would want in my life, so their opinions have no weight (pun intended). I would tell myself that they're clearly not very evolved and are a waste of my time.
> 
> ...



That's living in Australia and being a BBW/SSBBW for you. Some people are disgusting in the abuse that they hurl at you if you are a big woman.

Australia is seriously behind the times when it comes to size acceptance.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jul 18, 2011)

bella929 said:


> I went out barhopping last night with a group of friends to celebrate one of their 21st birthdays-since I'm still not of age, I was the DD and ended up mostly waiting outside while they got our friend properly liquored up.
> 
> We were in one of the more questionable/raunchy neighborhoods in my city, and I was waiting outside alone wearing a tank top and shorts...so I got quite a few individuals trying to buy me drinks or have me accompany them to a different bar. One guy even tried to grab me and take me to his place....eeep. Made me wish I hadn't lost my pepper spray. :doh:
> 
> ...



bella you are a gorgeous woman with a gorgeous body.that being said,im sorry this happened to you.i was once walking to the mall once and some guys in a car yelled "fatass!" loud and clear,and i thought "yeah,say insults in a moving old ass car,cowards".it really didn't bother me,but i know where your coming from.also kids have called me fat before although i know there kids and may not know better.people don't even have the guts to insult folks in there face,not saying people should insult at all.it's funny people that insult have no room to talk,there far from perfect at all.i always think you know people like that don't last long in this world,people like that are going to bark up the wrong tree and get a rude awakening one of these days.


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## Jes (Jul 18, 2011)

I was walking to the gym the other day when someone in a car came around the corner and was clearly annoyed to have to wait for me (I had the right of way). I'm pretty sure he said something and then, when he'd rounded the corner, called me a piggy.

What he didn't know is that I was next going to walk through the very parking lot he'd pulled into.

So as I walked past him (which I made sure to do even though I could walk anywhere in that lot), I stared him down. I wanted him to know I'd heard him and knew exactly who he was and that I wasn't going to hide from his rampant douchebaggery. He stared back at me and even though he was a big, tall man, I just kept looking with a scowl on my face. When I got close enough, I made a point of looking him up and down, very intensely, and making an 'eww, gross' face, like I thought he was a piece of filth on the bottom of my shoe.

I didn't have to say a word and I definitely felt better for it. 

But don't think I didn't consider keying his car. I would've liked doing it b/c he would've KNOWN it was me, which would've been much more satisfying and point-making than if he hadn't known who had done it.

Sometimes, I'm ashamed but sometimes, I just face it and show my disdain. I think that can be pretty powerful.


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## MissHoney (Jul 18, 2011)

I will never forget the time I was walking into the doctor's office with my little girl and a man in a car drove by and yelled "FAT BITCH!" at me. I was absolutely crushed inside. It caused me to be depressed for days. That was probably three years ago and it still hurts to think about. So I can definitely relate to you taking it to heart but life is just too short to give a damn about what a stranger has to say about you. I wish I had known about this community when that incident happened...


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## superodalisque (Jul 18, 2011)

i wouldn't take it as personal about your weight.that was woman hate pure and simple. driving around and commenting openly about something you have no access to or real power over is some kind of misplaced anger. a lot of guys feel that the worst thing they can say to a woman is that we are fat. for a lot of us that's probably more than right. they did what they set out to do. they wanted to control you and how you felt. they wanted to make themselves powerful or important to some woman. think about that next time. i know its hard but try not to let them win if you can. if you knew them personally you'd probably wonder why you ever cared about anything they could ever yell out of a car window.

its not easy, but maybe if you can think about it that way whenever it happens, then just maybe little by little you can totally discount them the way they need to be and not have your entire night ruined.


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jul 18, 2011)

superodalisque said:


> i wouldn't take it as personal about your weight.that was woman hate pure and simple. driving around and commenting openly about something you have no access to or real power over is some kind of misplaced anger. a lot of guys feel that the worst thing they can say to a woman is that we are fat. for a lot of us that's probably more than right. they did what they set out to do. they wanted to control you and how you felt. they wanted to make themselves powerful or important to some woman. think about that next time. i know its hard but try not to let them win if you can. if you knew them personally you'd probably wonder why you ever cared about anything they could ever yell out of a car window.
> 
> its not easy, but maybe if you can think about it that way whenever it happens, then just maybe little by little you can totally discount them the way they need to be and not have your entire night ruined.



i think people who insult others are probably getting insulted themselves from someone else,or they are damaged themselves in some way.


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## bella929 (Jul 20, 2011)

randomjenerator said:


> Off topic, and I'm sorry those dudes said something that upset you...but what the hell kind of friends do you have?
> 
> I'm sorry, I'm just rather taken aback that you were driving them around all evening and standing outside bars ALONE while they were inside having fun/getting drunk.
> 
> I'd be more pissed at my so called friends for treating me like a free car service.





Gingembre said:


> My thoughts too.





MissAshley said:


> Yeah I was kinda thinking that too. I know you aren't of age but they should feel really lucky that you agreed to be their DD.



After reading your responses, I realized that out of context, it seems like my friends screwed me over, lol...! My friends are amazing and I was actually the one who offered to DD. When we left the house, we were hoping that we'd be able to find some bar-restaurants that would let me in without checking ID. Alas, most of those were closed by the time we got there. My roommate periodically came out to check on me to make sure I was doing ok, and one of my guy friends (who was also DDing) insisted that he'd wait outside with me multiple times, but I made him go back inside and have fun. It was our other friend's 21st, and I wanted to make sure he had a great time, with most of his friends...and I got to join in on the festivities once we all made it back home safely. 

That was a pretty long explanation lol...simply put, my friends don't suck.  They're awesome, I didn't really mind waiting outside, any of them would've done the same for me. Just sucks that I'm the baby of the group...lol!


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## bella929 (Jul 20, 2011)

penguin said:


> ....They have no idea who you are or what your life is like. They have no idea if you're walking down the street to get somewhere or to exercise - and it really doesn't matter. They don't care. They'll tell you to lose weight and expect you to exercise once and have it be magically gone, because they are just that stupid....



I know! I really hate how fat people are perceived to be lazy and unmotivated.


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## MadLordOfMilk (Jul 29, 2011)

The most hurtful thing about events like that, to me at least, is that you know the person is doing it _just to be a dick_. The way I handle moments like that is I ask myself, "will this REALLY matter or affect anything a week from now, let alone in twenty minutes?" Usually, the answer is no, and it helps me start to realize that it'd be a bit ridiculous to let it bother me in the first place. It's not a magic bullet, but it has at least helped make things easier when I've needed it. YMMV, of course, but it may work for you as well!


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## bettylulu (Jul 31, 2011)

Like superodalisque said, these are the types of people who are just miserable. They are the embodiment of the saying, "Don't cut off someone else's head to make yourself taller." If they weren't attempting to cut you down for being fat (and if that is your picture as your avatar, you are so not even close to fat), they would have made fun of your hair or your nose or your clothes or whatever they saw as the most obvious insult. They aim to hurt others in an attempt to make themselves feel not so pathetic. It's like, "If I make fun of other people's flaws, maybe they won't notice that I am fat/weak/feel ugly/etc."


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## Kibeth (Aug 1, 2011)

unhappy people make unhappy comments.. thats just what I say. Sorry you went thru that though, i know my nights have been ruined on occasion but super twats..

feel better.


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## That Guy You Met Once (Aug 2, 2011)

While I was walking past the neighbor's yard the other day, his dog barked at me.

Should I coat myself in bacon grease to make myself more appealing to dogs?


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## adam (Aug 2, 2011)

I'm drunk right now. I think forgetaboutit. I hate politicians, but does that stop them all from fuckin up the world. Hell no. My opinion doesn't matter to them in the least. Chin up always. Do what you do. Be who you are. Fuck em otherwise those assholes that don't matter, and not in the good way.


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## lovelocs (Aug 2, 2011)

1. Next time, ensure that you and your friends do something that can include you. I don't know what time you went out, but Applebee's is open til midnight. The guys in the car were assholes, but being left alone for hours on the street is not cool, even if your friends are. If you insisted on it, don't. You deserve to have a good time, and no one (sane) would have shouted at someone in a group. 

2. This is how I respond to people who shout at me from cars. Am I alone here?


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## Jes (Aug 2, 2011)

Seventy-Seven said:


> While I was walking past the neighbor's yard the other day, his dog barked at me.
> 
> Should I coat myself in bacon grease to make myself more appealing to dogs?



What does this mean?


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## That Guy You Met Once (Aug 2, 2011)

A drunk yelling at you from a car is just as meaningless a dog barking at you, and changing the way you look or dress to appease them is never a good idea.


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## LinCanDo66 (Aug 6, 2011)

People can be dicks.

This made me remember when my son was around 11-12 years old and I was taking him to get a haircut. As we crossed the parking lot a group of teenage boys in an old beat-up car backed out and whizzed passed us. One of the boys in the back leaned out the window and yelled, "Lose some weight!"
My wonderful, loving son didn't miss a beat. He screamed right back, "Lose the attitude!" Then he looked at me, rolled his eyes, and said, "Idiots".

It's funny that it didn't embarrass me but made me so proud of my boy. To this day he still has that attitude


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## Lamia (Aug 6, 2011)

LinCanDo66 said:


> People can be dicks.
> 
> This made me remember when my son was around 11-12 years old and I was taking him to get a haircut. As we crossed the parking lot a group of teenage boys in an old beat-up car backed out and whizzed passed us. One of the boys in the back leaned out the window and yelled, "Lose some weight!"
> My wonderful, loving son didn't miss a beat. He screamed right back, "Lose the attitude!" Then he looked at me, rolled his eyes, and said, "Idiots".
> ...



Wow what a great kid you raised! You should be proud. It takes a lot of guts for a kid that age to be so vocal and stand up for his mom.


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## bmann0413 (Aug 6, 2011)

LinCanDo66 said:


> People can be dicks.
> 
> This made me remember when my son was around 11-12 years old and I was taking him to get a haircut. As we crossed the parking lot a group of teenage boys in an old beat-up car backed out and whizzed passed us. One of the boys in the back leaned out the window and yelled, "Lose some weight!"
> My wonderful, loving son didn't miss a beat. He screamed right back, "Lose the attitude!" Then he looked at me, rolled his eyes, and said, "Idiots".
> ...



That's an admirable young man you have there, madam.


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## Fallenangel2904 (Aug 6, 2011)

::hugs to the OP::

I think we've all experienced our fair share of this in the world, I definitely know how much it can hurt you and bring you down. I remember years ago, I was waiting for the bus having a good night, minding my own business and a car of guys were staring at me and they rolled down their window and just started shouting 'Fat, fatso! Wale!' and a bunch of other stuff. I'm talking GROWN ASS MEN. And at the time I was like 80lbs lighter then I am now- I was so upset I was like screw the bus I'm gonna just walk home so I can not be lazy and get made fun of!' It hurt a lot....That was probably 5 years ago and it's still stuck with me. Sometimes words cut deep so I completely understand!


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## riplee (Aug 6, 2011)

Oh Bella, I'm sorry those guys were such jerks.

The best way to prevent a situation like that is to...

...believe in yourself and that you're a beautiful human being. There's a reason so many people love you. You gotta see it/know it/feel it always!

...be able to laugh under just about any circumstances. A good friend of mine always had the ability to see the humor in any given situation.

...not allow others to control your feelings. You are in control of them and if you're not, you should examine why you're feeling the way you do.

These are things you can become better at if you're not particularly that good at them now. 

Don't ever allow anyone to make you feel down. Especially people who know nothing about you.


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## KingColt (Aug 6, 2011)

I think that their comments had such an impact on you because you believe they are right, whereas your friends that say you´re beautiful are rather suspicious, aren´t they? You instantly have more than one explanation why they would say you´re beautiful, because (I assume) you don´t share their expressed feeling about your appearance. Ergo: You think you´re too fat, so that´s why it hurts so bad when people tell you you´re fat.
The most empowering approach to this I have to offer is, work towards the person you want to be. Because the closer you get to that, the more certain you´ll be the dudes in the taxi are wrong and you´re friends are right. I hope I made some sense on this.


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## bella929 (Aug 6, 2011)

KingColt said:


> I think that their comments had such an impact on you because you believe they are right, whereas your friends that say you´re beautiful are rather suspicious, aren´t they? You instantly have more than one explanation why they would say you´re beautiful, because (I assume) you don´t share their expressed feeling about your appearance. Ergo: You think you´re too fat, so that´s why it hurts so bad when people tell you you´re fat.
> The most empowering approach to this I have to offer is, work towards the person you want to be. Because the closer you get to that, the more certain you´ll be the dudes in the taxi are wrong and you´re friends are right. I hope I made some sense on this.




I'm not sure I understand what you mean...are you suggesting that I lose weight to "work toward the person _ want to be?" Please clarify.

I have my on and off days-there are times where I feel great about how I look, and then inevitably others where I feel lousy (I think this is normal, no?). Every time I visit my parents, my mom tells me to lose weight-she keeps telling me that I have a pretty face, but if I just lost some more weight, I'd be even more beautiful. The rest of the females in my family are the same way, they always comment on my size...it's like a guessing game with them every time they see me. "Has she lost weight? She looks slimmer. Her face looks smaller, but her waist looks the same...etc etc" Part of it has to do with my family's culture-thin body shapes/sizes are considered the norm. An average weight body would be considered quite large over there, and there is an extreme amount of hate for overweight/fat individuals.
One of my good friends from Korea just recently passed away during her weight-loss surgery. If only her parents hadn't helped her further her negative self-image...if only someone had told her not to fix what wasn't broken...that she was beautiful and whole the way she was, she might still be with us.
It's really difficult to be self-confident about your body when people that are close to you are so obviously dissatisfied. I feel that I would be worth more to them if I were thinner-now I know that's a terrible thing to say and I know they would love me at whatever size, but I can't help but feel that it is true. 

Tearing up as I write this...feeling very emotional and broken. I really want to be content with my appearance, but it is so, so difficult. I've been struggling with eating disorders on and off for about 4 years now...and I've actually never told anyone about it (save for my physician and therapist). Part of me is afraid that if anyone did find out about my disordered eating, they would encourage my behavior on the condition that it yielded results. (And some of this was patterned with cycles of proper nutrition/exercise, so please don't assume I didn't try to lose weight the "right way".)

I know I shouldn't pay mind to what strangers say to me-I'll have to work on that. (But..I have received positive feedback from strangers before, and that usually makes me feel happy.) To KingColt, I hope you don't think I'm attacking you, I really do just want to understand what you meant by your post. Yes, I do see myself as fat, but I'd like to be able to embrace the term and myself someday, instead of trying to change myself. I still believe individuals at all sizes are beautiful, and I know it's a little hypocritical of me to feel so dissatisfied about my own body...but I'm working on it. I just don't want you to think that I never accept compliments or think of myself as beautiful-I do, it was just extremely difficult to accept right after those guys yelled at me. 

Apologies for the long rant..._


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## Jay West Coast (Aug 6, 2011)

Honestly, losing weight won't make assholes be any less so. Douchebags are the type to humiliate other people to divert attention from their own insecurities. If you're not fat, they'll find something else to make you feel shitty about. I wouldn't blame your fat for the incident.

Douchebags generally have a way of eventually losing all their friends and spending their lives alone. It's not your life you should pity.


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## KingColt (Aug 7, 2011)

I meant to point out that the guys comments about you being fat and whatnot hit home because you actually share their opinion. That would also be the reason why your friends telling you that you´re beautiful didn´t have a strong emotional impact (albeit in the opposite direction). Because you don´t share their view of you as beautiful so naturally it sounds alien and suspicious when they say that. All of the above is purely a hypothesis, by the way. I might be off. 
Also, I didn´t mean to say you have to lose weight to feel better, what I was trying to say was if you are the person you want to be and are content and satisfied with who you are / what you are developing towards and what you do then negative comments will sound alien to you because it won´t be your own perspective anyomore. 
In short:

you feel like shit + people telling you you´re shit = you think they´re right

you feel good about yourself + people telling you you´re shit = you think they´re wrong

All of the above is obviously based on what I labeled as my hypothesis, so if I was off there, all the rest might not be very helpful, either.
Disclaimer: I would like to point out that I´m not saying you are to blame that you´re hurt by negative comments from other people, but that you have the power to be who you want to be and therefor feel good about yourself, which will take most of the sting off peoples hate for any part of you.


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## Blackhawk2293 (Aug 7, 2011)

bella929 said:


> I went out barhopping last night with a group of friends to celebrate one of their 21st birthdays-since I'm still not of age, I was the DD and ended up mostly waiting outside while they got our friend properly liquored up.
> 
> We were in one of the more questionable/raunchy neighborhoods in my city, and I was waiting outside alone wearing a tank top and shorts...so I got quite a few individuals trying to buy me drinks or have me accompany them to a different bar. One guy even tried to grab me and take me to his place....eeep. Made me wish I hadn't lost my pepper spray. :doh:
> 
> ...



Bella, honestly, fuck those ass clowns. Either you and/or your friends should have hurled your beer bottles them when they drove past or yelled back that they have tiny dicks or something!

The only person who should really determine whether you love the skin you're in is you. You have that power and nobody can take that away from you... especially not passing cockheads like those guys.


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## AuntHen (Aug 7, 2011)

Jay West Coast said:


> Honestly, losing weight won't make assholes be any less so. Douchebags are the type to humiliate other people to divert attention from their own insecurities. If you're not fat, they'll find something else to make you feel shitty about. I wouldn't blame your fat for the incident.
> 
> Douchebags generally have a way of eventually losing all their friends and spending their lives alone. It's not your life you should pity.




Yep. Totally agree.


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## TexasTrouble (Aug 7, 2011)

Bella, IMHO, I don't think being bothered by what happened that night is necessarily some indicator of your self-esteem or self-confidence. Nobody would like to experience that and, again, IMHO, implying that, if she only had higher self esteem just compounds how bad she feels. First, she feels bad about the incident that happened. Then she gets the "bonus" of feel bad by measuring herself up against other people and thinking, "Well, I failed again because, if I were stronger, I wouldn't have been bothered by what happened."


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## Rathkhan (Aug 8, 2011)

Honestly, Every time I see one of your pictures... I think to myself "Now there's a girl I'd stop a taxi for... so I could get out and get her number". You're smokin! Screw those douche bags. Think about it, how the hell could they really see what you look like driving past you in a car in the middle of the night? LOL They probably would have said the same thing to anyone, drunk off their asses.


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## nite_mare (Aug 8, 2011)

Those idiots are the same ones that will go home and cut down their girlfriends or wives.. they are the same ones that will tell their children that they are doing a lousy job in school or at sports. They think it's funny to be verbally abusive to total strangers when in reality all they are doing is showing everyone how little class they have. Please don't let their comments ruin your night.. they probably threw derogatory comments out to a lot of people that night.. Those kind of people point out everyone else's flaws because that's the only way they can make themselves feel superior when they know deep down they are inferior.


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## Azrael (Aug 8, 2011)

I've been on both sides of the spectrum and honestly I've learned that it doesn't matter what size you are douchebags will be douchebags.

There will always be someone out there to ruin someone else's day or make them feel worse about themselves so why worry about what they say?

Peoples' opinions only control you if you let them.

If you don't care what they think, then what they say means nothing.


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## prodigychipmunk (Aug 9, 2011)

Its a shame to hear that women cannot embrace there Luscious and soft curvy selves! i would have just beamed if someone were to say that to me, looked down at my beautiful body and said wow, someone noticed my big beautiful self... i stand out in a crowd and am noticeable! 

if someone ever says "wow Desi your getting big", or "hey your gaining a lot lately"... i usually respond with a smile and "aww thank you!!!" I love who i am and how i look. Show the world you love you and your body... hold your head up high. Fat is fun fabulous and foxy!!! 

at the end of the day you are left with yourself, so be kind to you. embracing who you are and how you look, with positive feelings and love, will project off of you and some gorgeous person will see that and love all of you in return!


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## superodalisque (Aug 14, 2011)

KingColt said:


> I think that their comments had such an impact on you because you believe they are right, whereas your friends that say you´re beautiful are rather suspicious, aren´t they? You instantly have more than one explanation why they would say you´re beautiful, because (I assume) you don´t share their expressed feeling about your appearance. Ergo: You think you´re too fat, so that´s why it hurts so bad when people tell you you´re fat.
> The most empowering approach to this I have to offer is, work towards the person you want to be. Because the closer you get to that, the more certain you´ll be the dudes in the taxi are wrong and you´re friends are right. I hope I made some sense on this.




i think this pretty much hit the nail on the head


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## moore2me (Aug 22, 2011)

I think RuPaul's advice for life fits this situation nicely . . . 

View attachment rupaul3.jpg


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## Heyyou (Aug 25, 2011)

bella929 said:


> I went out barhopping last night with a group of friends to celebrate one of their 21st birthdays-since I'm still not of age, I was the DD and ended up mostly waiting outside while they got our friend properly liquored up.
> 
> We were in one of the more questionable/raunchy neighborhoods in my city, and I was waiting outside alone wearing a tank top and shorts...so I got quite a few individuals trying to buy me drinks or have me accompany them to a different bar. One guy even tried to grab me and take me to his place....eeep. Made me wish I hadn't lost my pepper spray. :doh:
> 
> ...



Ahh, yes. The times when we were not even 21! A whole decade ago for me. I now feel old!

OP, i know how it feels to have someone say something truly insensitive, and truly mean it, in a drunken state.. or otherwise. I have been through some things you cant possibly imagine, im almost sure. The words can cut you, linger with you, fester in you.. and lead to an outburst of anger that could land you in jail! This has happened to me in my younger years, before i grew up a bit. (By your mid-20s, the remnants of that youthful "I can do this! I can do that!" in regards to egging on physical confrontations to those that insult you, directly or indirectly, should be gone from your persona.)

I have no real advice except to say that you need to lok at where it was coming from. Put some tunes on, go do something you like, and the next day you will forget about it. Those 5 minutes to "an hour?" of seething anger because someone had the audacity to say something so outrageous that it really got to you can burn you up. But you know what? There are always going to be (curse word) people in this world. In time, you learn to see who they are.. and act accordingly.

And you may not always be te most popular person because of who you get along with or dont, or whatever the politics of the situation may be. But once they see you have a rhino's skin, and nothing can get through? They respect you. It is hard to explain.. but as a 20-something at heart, i speak from experience.

Just -try- not to let go of the hot car you get that you ed up likng the most.. depending on how hings turn out, you may miss it until you replace it. Thats all i can really say. Thoughts like that will replace whatever some insensitive, neanderthal jerk said to you because they were out drinking with their buddies. This is also why i dont drink, and frown upon driving loud drunks around, because if i was the driver i would feel responsible. ID probably have stopped the car and apolgized on the a-hole's behalf, then kept going. But you will see.. its something that can only ruin your day/night [b[if you let it.[/i]

Think about this.. and smile.  Then raise your glass, and party responsibly!  I know i sound ol when i say that, but trust me, bad things can happen. Dont want you to find out the hard way! "Dust your shoulders off" and keep it movin'. Chances are they are nobodies, at the very least, to you. And thats all you need to know, because thats what it is!  *DO YOU* when people come at you with insults, snide remarks, drive-by statements, and disrespect. If its in passing, fine. If you are stuck with them? Then, in time when they see they cannot get through the thick rhino skin, as the saying goes.. they will respect you, or leave you alone.

$0.02 Hope this helps, think on this! :eat2:


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## KittyKitten (Aug 26, 2011)

bella929 said:


> I went out barhopping last night with a group of friends to celebrate one of their 21st birthdays-since I'm still not of age, I was the DD and ended up mostly waiting outside while they got our friend properly liquored up.
> 
> We were in one of the more questionable/raunchy neighborhoods in my city, and I was waiting outside alone wearing a tank top and shorts...so I got quite a few individuals trying to buy me drinks or have me accompany them to a different bar. One guy even tried to grab me and take me to his place....eeep. Made me wish I hadn't lost my pepper spray. :doh:
> 
> ...



They must've been drunk AND HIGH. I've seen your pics and you are a gorgeous woman with a hot figure. Don't even pay attention to their stupid asses.


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## MissAshley (Aug 31, 2011)

moore2me said:


> I think RuPaul's advice for life fits this situation nicely . . .



I love that. Or as quotes in Captain America, "If you have something to say, now would be a good time to keep it to yourself."


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## chubbyhoney (Sep 9, 2011)

I'm sorry you had to experience this rubbish Bella! It is the laziest, most cowardly, most pathetic thing in the world to shout anti-fat comments to a curvy girl from a car.

When idiots like that (and it's always really, really unattractive men who do it) shout at me in the street that I'm fat - I just think to myself (or shout it back at them if they're not in a car) "So? I'm still ten times more attractive than you are!" 

x


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