# Do you have emotional scars from growing up fat in a cruel world?



## TheMildlyStrangeone (Oct 6, 2010)

Growing up, being fat, I was tortured and made fun ofconstantly. My nickname in one school was 'loafy' (I can remember numerous others but there's no sense in posting them here) 







(If you were a kid in the 90's, I'm sure you remember Loafy)

It was pretty hard to deal with a lot of the constant teasing. Especially because I didn't get very heavy until I was 10 or 11 years old. Before that, I was in every athletic program and loved playing sports. When I gained a lot of weight, it became difficult to do a lot of the exercises required during practice, which was a source of embarrassment. At points I was suicidal about it (Mainly during middle school and some high school) Luckily, it got better as I advanced into high school and college. Sure, there was the odd jerkoff who would like to make himself feel better by putting me down but it was the exception, not the rule. 

I think I dealt with it by becoming very self-deprecating. I used it to deflect people's attempts to put me down by doing it myself. This was not a good solution as it further destroyed my confidence. 


So, I am just curious about others stories. Maybe some examples of the worst teasing you experienced. How you dealt with it if you grew up fat and related stories.


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## ClockworkOrange (Oct 6, 2010)

I used to get made fun of non-stop. I've had long hair my entire life as well (yes born with obv!) so I'd get the fat jokes and the "are you a girl" or "are you gay?" jokes too. Of course they thought I was a satanist as well with the denim jackets and slayer/iron maiden back patches and ripped clothes. Or maybe it was my fine fashion sense wearing a purple tie-dyed shirt, orange zebra striped pants, and hand me down reebok pumps with the soles duct taped on. I was a scrub :/ 

I stopped going to school a number of times because I couldn't stand being around those people. Luckily for me I was smart enough that I could go half of the time and ace the grades regardless. It got worse when I moved down south and enrolled in a high school with rednecks and gangsters. I got into fights, got suspended and expelled, and finally stopped going to play music in a shitty bar band. 

I would say overall it hurt a lot during those times and drove me to isolate myself and I was definitely lonely because of it, but I got over it as I got older and cared less about what those types of people thought, and also saw them for the giant losers they usually were. 

I'm pretty social and jovial these days and none of that stuff bugs me too much, though I definitely have no patience for abrasive people or arrogant aggressive people.


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## Esther (Oct 6, 2010)

I know this isn't quite the same thing... since I am no longer heavy... and I hope I don't sound like I'm trivializing your struggles by being like 'o i know where ur comin from' ... but growing up I was the only fat sibling among three thin ones, and this definitely affected the person I am today. 
I've always been attracted to bigger body types even as a child, so I didn't really think/care about my own size compared to my siblings or the other kids at school until I hit about grade four. Up until that point, no one really picked on each other... but a new girl transferred to our class that year, and she immediately became the ringleader of a very cruel game. One week she would hate red-haired girls, and so she and the other girls would pick on the redheads. Then it was girls with glasses. Of course the three fat girls eventually became a target in her warpath, so she poked us, pinched us and ripped away our towels/clothes in the changeroom before gym so the other girls could laugh at us in our underwear. We weren't always the targets of her cruelty, but we often were. Sometimes I could go to school and be left alone, other days I'd be tormented until I feigned sick and left. 
Thankfully I transferred out of that school after a couple of years, but honestly, the damage was done. I became incredibly ashamed of my appearance and confused about my preference for fat guys. I went through a phase in highschool where I just didn't really eat anything at all, thinking that would make me happy, but it didn't. I was rail-thin by age 16 but I still covered myself with baggy clothes and hated everything about my appearance.
I have since achieved a healthier body weight (meaning... I actually eat), and I have been trying very hard to learn to love myself, but some days I am still that insecure little girl. I think the past four years have done wonders for my self esteem though... because strangely enough, once I started more openly accepting my preference for bigger men, I started feeling much more comfortable in my own skin.


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## WillSpark (Oct 6, 2010)

I started really getting the insults in 4th grade. I was also a smart kid, teacher's pet (not by suckign up, but jsut by being nice and liking the teachers), and sort of alienated myself, so when it came to being big I was already and outcast ("No, you take him. No, he's on _your_ team!), so it was easy for people to make fun of me. My voice took awhiel to change and the way I spoke didn't help, so all through then tofreshman year I got the "are you gay?" jokes in tandom with the alienation and the fat jokes. My brothers consistently referred to me as "tubba blubba" based on the third boss in the game Paper Mario (which I adore, BTW) and that hurt. My parents didn't necessarily help. "If you don't like it, do something about it. Maybe get out there and excersize" They saw it as motivation to get me in shape rather than somethign that's going to hurt me psycologically. 

Honestly, this may sound insulting to people who've been suicidal, but I would have been suicidal except that I was too smart to think killing myself would ever actually be a good idea. So I just coped. Eventually, in high school, I joined swim team, and was the fat kid the first year, then it let up, plus I did lose weight, gain muscle, and got taller so I also became skinnier and more "traditionally appealing" so the teasing let up as well. I also began to actually learn good social skills and such. I began interacting with people, making friends, and sophomore year I became active on Dims (so I joined at 16 and lied, sue me).

Eventually I finally became able to accept myself and actually care about me and not let what others thought affect me in such a devastating self-concious way. That's not to say I'm no longer considerate of what people say, but it won't devastate me anymore because I actually have internal support instead of leaning on others for that, and I'm happy to say that Dims played a huge role in boosting my esteem enough for me to do that.


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## CastingPearls (Oct 6, 2010)

I have a lot of scars and have some stories scattered throughout the forums and I don't think there is enough bandwidth, honestly, to contain everything I've endured and the sorrow I experienced.

I will say that some of it was horrific. Some of it was absolutely without a doubt abusive. Some of it was at the hands of people I loved most in the world.

The thing is, now...I have chosen to take what I could from those experiences what I could learn from them, from human nature and from myself. Whether I handled it well or not is immaterial. That they are acknowledged or authorized as valid is irrelevant as well. I have learned. I have scars. But now I wear them like battle wounds and mementos that I survived them. Not only a survivor but a fighter and a student and if anything I have faced has not killed me yet, then there is nothing I am afraid of. And life is too short to be bitter. I choose to forgive. I choose to live.


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## imfree (Oct 6, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> I have a lot of scars and have some stories scattered throughout the forums and I don't think there is enough bandwidth, honestly, to contain everything I've endured and the sorrow I experienced.
> 
> I will say that some of it was horrific. Some of it was absolutely without a doubt abusive. Some of it was at the hands of people I loved most in the world.
> 
> The thing is, now...I have chosen to take what I could from those experiences what I could learn from them, from human nature and from myself. Whether I handled it well or not is immaterial. That they are acknowledged or authorized as valid is irrelevant as well. I have learned. I have scars. But now I wear them like battle wounds and mementos that I survived them. Not only a survivor but a fighter and a student and if anything I have faced has not killed me yet, then there is nothing I am afraid of. And life is too short to be bitter. I choose to forgive. I choose to live.



Adversity builds character, a pastor, once said. It hurts and
the physical scars are nothing compared the ones God sees
on our souls. Scars are the evidence that healing has taken
place. To forgive really is to live.


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## Ola (Oct 6, 2010)

Something I've learned over the years is that almost everybody have emotional scars or unpleasant history in some shape or form. My "rough history" is not so much centered around being fat, though, but sure, I got a LOT of shit for it. Us Swedes often like to think of ourselves as so damn progressive and tolerant, but there is a LOT of hate out there - especially amongst young people who haven't faced the real world yet; the "high school mentality" exists here as anywhere else. Things didn't get better until I was, I think, 16 or 17. 'twas a long path to get there though, since I had been ridiculed since I was around 6 or 7. Obviously 10 years of abuse leaves a dent.

Doesn't bother me too much today though. Sure, I would lie if I said I'm not the SLIGHTEST bit self-conscious because of it, but I try to keep as much self-distance as possible. Some people are idiots; just shrug it off and move on - or, for that matter, confront them, because trust me, they will NOT see that coming!


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## CarlaSixx (Oct 6, 2010)

I definitely have some emotional scars from growing up as a fat kid. Not only a fat kid, but a dark skinned one who spoke french. Like CP, there isn't enough room on this place for me to tell my history of abuse just for being who I am.


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## BigChaz (Oct 6, 2010)

I can't relate to this at all. I've been fat my whole life. I can't remember a time when I was thin. Growing up, only occasionally was I mocked or made fun of for being fat, but generally those were people I didn't give a shit about. I am also a pretty cool dude with confidence, so I guess people don't really make fun of that?

Sorry so many people in here seem to have gotten tossed around a bit!


edit:
I just remembered a story. One time my grandpa came to school with me for an event and a kid said "Hey look Chaz is fat just like his grandpa!" and my grandpa whispered into my ear, "Don't let that bother you. When people make fun of you just imagine killing their mothers."


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## CastingPearls (Oct 6, 2010)

BigChaz said:


> I can't relate to this at all. I've been fat my whole life. I can't remember a time when I was thin. Growing up, only occasionally was I mocked or made fun of for being fat, but generally those were people I didn't give a shit about. I am also a pretty cool dude with confidence, so I guess people don't really make fun of that?
> 
> Sorry so many people in here seem to have gotten tossed around a bit!
> 
> ...


I LOVE your grandpa!!!!! ROFLMFAO


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## escapist (Oct 6, 2010)

I really don't think I have any "Scars" from "it". Sure it can suck sometimes, but at the end of the day I remember just I cause I have a fat body its not "who I am". I know I've said it before but I've been asked, "Did you used to be hot? Cause you act like a hot guy who got fat and didn't notice". Yeah I know she could have put it nicer, but I know she really meant it in a good way. She was just trying to communicate her version my sex appeal the way she would have it. To me its not much different than an FA-Feeder girl going WOW, your HOT, now if we can just put 20-100 more lbs on you. Thats pretty much how it went down with one of the first Open FFA's I met in Vegas. A little sexy thing I was out having dinner with who told me point blank she'd have to feed me for at least 20-40 more lbs. I was in a bit of shock because I just spent months loosing those 20-40 lbs.

I guess what I'm saying is everybody is going to have "Their Version" of attractive and what-not. Learning how to own my body fat or well "Less-Fat" is all that really mattered when it came to eliminating any scars that might have happened in life.

I know this might not be exactly the sort of story you were looking for, but it happened and learning to accept my body really was what it was all about. Truthfully I think I started worrying less and less about it when I was 17 and a girl at a party got me to take my shirt off like all the other guys even though I was 300+ lbs in high school. She showed me a picture of her ex and told me how she really liked big guys, and well, she was hot, so DUH I took my shit off...the best part is her and I are still pretty close. Many other guys here on Dims had & continue to have experiences where just the right boost of confidence at the right time is pivotal to seeing themselves in a different light and accepting life as pretty good.


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## Sasquatch! (Oct 6, 2010)

Sure, I got bullied about my weight. 
Racist and Religion-based bullying was harder to cope with.


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## MasterShake (Oct 6, 2010)

Not really. At least not growing up. I've never really been picked on for my weight, at least to my recollection, but I have had plenty of girls/women reject me because of my weight. I can't say how much being picked on sucks, but being made to feel like you don't deserve to even desire someone because your "obviously" too fat for them is a real gut punch, esp. when it's coming from friends too).


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## MasterShake (Oct 6, 2010)

Sasquatch! said:


> Sure, I got bullied about my weight.
> Racist and Religion-based bullying was harder to cope with.


I can't say I know how that feels exactly, but my freshman year in high school there was a kid who was convinced I was Jewish and kept demanding I own up to it.

It was just the most bizarre thing. TBH I think he still thought it our sophomore year too, but I only recall him pestering me about it that first year. I don't even think he was racist about it - IIRC, him and another classmate were discussing religion for some reason before class and he asked me something about Judaism (since he assumed I was one).

He wouldn't take "no" for an answer, and was just so f'ing hung up on it the rest of that year. Just weird.


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## dro5150 (Oct 6, 2010)

The one insult I hated most was "his tits are bigger then my girlfriends".


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## Esther (Oct 6, 2010)

BigChaz said:


> I can't relate to this at all. I've been fat my whole life. I can't remember a time when I was thin. Growing up, only occasionally was I mocked or made fun of for being fat, but generally those were people I didn't give a shit about. I am also a pretty cool dude with confidence, so I guess people don't really make fun of that?
> 
> Sorry so many people in here seem to have gotten tossed around a bit!
> 
> ...



I want your grandpa to be my grandpa!


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## FishCharming (Oct 6, 2010)

i did, i tried to roll it into self-deprecating humor. i got the tits comment and i'd always respond that since most women are bi anyways that my moobs are just a bonus, lol.


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## BigChaz (Oct 6, 2010)

FishCharming said:


> i did, i tried to roll it into self-deprecating humor. i got the tits comment and i'd always respond that since* most women *are bi anyways that my moobs are just a bonus, lol.



Pretty sure that is not the right thing to say


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## FishCharming (Oct 6, 2010)

BigChaz said:


> Pretty sure that is not the right thing to say



i apologize. since ALL women are bi it's totally a bonus! j/k! i realize that some of you ladies are only curious or two beer bisexuals. i didnt mean to lump you all into one group


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## dro5150 (Oct 6, 2010)

FishCharming said:


> i did, i tried to roll it into self-deprecatig humor. i got the tits comment and i'd always respond that since most women are bi anyways that my moobs are just a bonus, lol.



Thinking back to when I got the tit comment (middle school), my mobs I'm sure were in fact bigger then their girlfriends.


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## rabbitislove (Oct 6, 2010)

BigChaz said:


> edit:
> I just remembered a story. One time my grandpa came to school with me for an event and a kid said "Hey look Chaz is fat just like his grandpa!" and my grandpa whispered into my ear, "Don't let that bother you. When people make fun of you just imagine killing their mothers."



Soo what your saying is your sense of humour is hereditary?

Gives me hope for the next generation of little Chaz's You sir are a precious resource that should be renewed


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## theronin23 (Oct 6, 2010)

rabbitislove said:


> the next generation of little Chaz's


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 6, 2010)

I was teased a lot when I was younger .. it bothered me a lot at the time and definitely impacted my self esteem then, but the older I got the less I was made fun of and to be honest, so much more intense emotional damage (unrelated to being fat) has been done since that I hardly even remember being bullied so I guess I don't feel like it really affects me now. The biggest self esteem blows come from closeted FAs now.. whiiiich just happened to me again. It's just easier to shrug off when it's some random person rather than someone you've been romantically/sexually involved with.


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## DreamyInToronto (Oct 7, 2010)

I still get teased and I am 36... and when I get teased now it brings back all the stuff up from when I was a teen. I was skinny as a kid, then started gaining weight from PCOS when I was 16, then in my 20s, skinny again, and now 250 pounds. 

Just a couple of weeks ago my neighbour and I were riding up in the elevator together. She turned to me and said "why are _you _wearing *stripes*? You're _FAT_. I thought that all fat girls knew to avoid stripes, they just make you look HUGER than you really are. Do me a favour and throw that top out when you get in!"



I was so shocked, I had no reply for her - in fact, I couldn't talk for a few hours, and then I cried. That one stung.


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## CastingPearls (Oct 7, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> I still get teased and I am 36... and when I get teased now it brings back all the stuff up from when I was a teen. I was skinny as a kid, then started gaining weight from PCOS when I was 16, then in my 20s, skinny again, and now 250 pounds.
> 
> Just a couple of weeks ago my neighbour and I were riding up in the elevator together. She turned to me and said "why are _you _wearing *stripes*? You're _FAT_. I thought that all fat girls knew to avoid stripes, they just make you look HUGER than you really are. Do me a favour and throw that top out when you get in!"
> 
> ...


You know if you and I were hanging out and she said that in front of me she'd be picking up her teeth with broken fingers, right?


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## DreamyInToronto (Oct 7, 2010)

Tried to rep you CastingPearls :bow: but I am all out!!! Sending you a great big hug!!! xoxoxo


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## CastingPearls (Oct 7, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> Tried to rep you CastingPearls :bow: but I am all out!!! Sending you a great big hug!!! xoxoxo


{{{{{Dreamy in Toronto}}}}}


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## WillSpark (Oct 7, 2010)

WillSpark said:


> I started really getting the insults in 4th grade. I was also a smart kid, teacher's pet (not by suckign up, but jsut by being nice and liking the teachers), and sort of alienated myself, so when it came to being big I was already and outcast ("No, you take him. No, he's on _your_ team!), so it was easy for people to make fun of me. My voice took awhiel to change and the way I spoke didn't help, so all through then tofreshman year I got the "are you gay?" jokes in tandom with the alienation and the fat jokes. My brothers consistently referred to me as "tubba blubba" based on the third boss in the game Paper Mario (which I adore, BTW) and that hurt. My parents didn't necessarily help. "If you don't like it, do something about it. Maybe get out there and excersize" They saw it as motivation to get me in shape rather than somethign that's going to hurt me psycologically.
> 
> Honestly, this may sound insulting to people who've been suicidal, but I would have been suicidal except that I was too smart to think killing myself would ever actually be a good idea. So I just coped. Eventually, in high school, I joined swim team, and was the fat kid the first year, then it let up, plus I did lose weight, gain muscle, and got taller so I also became skinnier and more "traditionally appealing" so the teasing let up as well. I also began to actually learn good social skills and such. I began interacting with people, making friends, and sophomore year I became active on Dims (so I joined at 16 and lied, sue me).
> 
> Eventually I finally became able to accept myself and actually care about me and not let what others thought affect me in such a devastating self-concious way. That's not to say I'm no longer considerate of what people say, but it won't devastate me anymore because I actually have internal support instead of leaning on others for that, and I'm happy to say that Dims played a huge role in boosting my esteem enough for me to do that.



I really should have noted that after all of this, the only real lasting impression it has made on me in a negative light would be leaving me with a bit of inherent lack of confidence with women in developing something into a romantic relationship.


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## Sasquatch! (Oct 7, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> I still get teased and I am 36... and when I get teased now it brings back all the stuff up from when I was a teen. I was skinny as a kid, then started gaining weight from PCOS when I was 16, then in my 20s, skinny again, and now 250 pounds.
> 
> Just a couple of weeks ago my neighbour and I were riding up in the elevator together. She turned to me and said "why are _you _wearing *stripes*? You're _FAT_. I thought that all fat girls knew to avoid stripes, they just make you look HUGER than you really are. Do me a favour and throw that top out when you get in!"
> 
> ...



Sorry to hear that, DIT. We should totally practice what to do if she pulls a stunt like that again.

Face her and look her dead in the eye (wonderful to do in an elevator) and tell her "I'LL WEAR WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT, YOU COGNITIVELY DEFICIENT ASS-HAG"


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## littlefairywren (Oct 7, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> I still get teased and I am 36... and when I get teased now it brings back all the stuff up from when I was a teen. I was skinny as a kid, then started gaining weight from PCOS when I was 16, then in my 20s, skinny again, and now 250 pounds.
> 
> Just a couple of weeks ago my neighbour and I were riding up in the elevator together. She turned to me and said "why are _you _wearing *stripes*? You're _FAT_. I thought that all fat girls knew to avoid stripes, they just make you look HUGER than you really are. Do me a favour and throw that top out when you get in!"
> 
> ...



You wear whatever you damn well please! I hate how fat equals...."hide yourself under this black curtain, honey." 

I would have cried too, because it never ceases to amaze me how cruel people can be. Btw, your neighbour sucks arse!

(((((Dreamy)))))


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## Buffetbelly (Oct 7, 2010)

I faced a lot of abuse for being fat and also for being smart and making top marks. In my school, being a good student made you a magnet for bullying, along with any physical or ethnic difference whatsoever. 

I dealt with it by becoming a bully. When I was insulted, I would wrestle the offender to the ground, pin their shoulders and make them apologize before I would let them back up. As an added bonus I would grab their arms and force them to hit themselves in the face with their own fists. No one could out-wrestle me so it was pretty effective.


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## Esther (Oct 7, 2010)

Buffetbelly said:


> As an added bonus I would grab their arms and force them to hit themselves in the face with their own fists. No one could out-wrestle me so it was pretty effective.



Ha!! The "stop hitting yourself!! stop hitting yourself!!!" bit is definitely the most humiliating thing in the world. Bullying sucks, but bullying bullies is wicked... I cant' say that's a bad way to have dealt with it!


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## BeerMe (Oct 7, 2010)

i got a little flak for it, but not nearly as bad as some of the stories here. No scars.

The only time I really let teasing bother me was jr high. I broke a couple chairs in classes and it took forever for kids to stop bringing it up. BUT the chairs were really old and i was fat, so meh.


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## escapist (Oct 7, 2010)

Sasquatch! said:


> Sure, I got bullied about my weight.
> Racist and Religion-based bullying was harder to cope with.



I might have to 2nd this a bit.


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## rabbitislove (Oct 7, 2010)

I was never the fat kid. I was the kid who went through the awkward phase and had severe ADHD, and kind of got thrown to the wolves attending mostly private religious schools. 

I dont really think about how badly I was bullied anymore, but it took me a long time to get over it, and it takes me a long time to assume someone is my friend, so yeah I guess. I have a lot of trust issues and tend to deprecate myself.

Im also awkward. Im one of those ugly ducklings who became a beautiful swan but still is an awkward little duckling on the inside  

Ive struggled with EDNOS on and off because weight bullying happens more within my immediate family.

Man this is such a cheerful thread....


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## project219 (Oct 8, 2010)

Kinda had issues when I first entered middle school. Until I stood up for myself and kinda freaked out on someone who called me and I quote "King Kong with Titties" Picked up a chair and whipped it against the wall in a study hall in 6th grade. So yeah. No one really messed with me after high school, no one really messes with me to this day actually. Maybe it's the 400 pounds of intimidation? :happy:

But yeah, I still really haven't grown out of that stage either Rabbit, I'm still kinda that awkward person who worries about what people think of me still.


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## cakeboy (Oct 8, 2010)

I carry a few emotional scars, but the idiotic mouth-breathers who start that shit carry many more physical scars :happy:


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## LovesBigMen (Oct 8, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> I still get teased and I am 36... and when I get teased now it brings back all the stuff up from when I was a teen. I was skinny as a kid, then started gaining weight from PCOS when I was 16, then in my 20s, skinny again, and now 250 pounds.
> 
> Just a couple of weeks ago my neighbour and I were riding up in the elevator together. She turned to me and said "why are _you _wearing *stripes*? You're _FAT_. I thought that all fat girls knew to avoid stripes, they just make you look HUGER than you really are. Do me a favour and throw that top out when you get in!"
> 
> ...





That freaking bitch I would of helped out Casting Pearls heald the lady while Pearls kicked her ass.
And been yelling curse words people like her piss me off. I in real life keep my mouth shut. But when someone insults someone oh hell nah it will be on.


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## Geodetic_Effect (Oct 9, 2010)

Nope, never got picked on. There was some general ball breaking between friends, but I was always better at it than they were.


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## JoeVanHalen (Oct 10, 2010)

High School was rough for me, it was in a deprived area, lot of kids from difficult backgrounds, so along with the bullying I had to do with that, eventually it got to the point where I had enough and just got into fights with anyone who said anything, eventually people left me alone for the most part. Though it did leave me with pretty much no confidence, but I'm wokin on that yo!


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## rellis10 (Oct 10, 2010)

I still feel like all that time i was bullied at school has left me feeling very negative about myself sometimes. I'v got alot better with that though....still i have moments where i wonder why anybody would like sombody like me.

I guess it was drilled into me that i wasnt worth anyone's attention, but now i'v learnt that's not the case (thanks to this fine place) and i'm trying my hardest to become more confident about myself in all ways.


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