# Why I love getting to grips with a fat man



## Buffetbelly (Aug 18, 2010)

This is from the Times of London back in 2007, but some of you may not have seen it back then:

From The Times 

July 10, 2007


*Why I love getting to grips with a fat man*

*Corpulent men are, funnier, less dominated by foppish styles and better in bed. So says Tobsha Learner. And she should know  shes sleeping with one*




div#related-article-links p a, div#related-article-links p a:visited {color:#06c;}As I am an avid connoisseur of male beauty, it has surprised some of my friends that the great love of my life has turned out to be curvaceous  at least as curvaceous as me. Thats not to say that he isnt handsome  he is  but he is probably about 2st (12kg) to 3st above svelte. He boasts an undulating belly and resembles a somewhat overripe rugby full back. 
Like a Paddington Bear with dangly bits, he seems to take a huge (and enviable) delight in striding around the bedroom naked, admiring himself in the mirror. You have to love him for it, and I do: I admire him for his immunity to the increasing coercion of men to downsize, lose wrinkles, gain height, lose hair (in some areas) and grow hair (in others) now applied by the cosmetics and advertising industries. 
So many guys, though, seem to be succumbing: from the City boys (witness the latest aftershave ads) to the Oi boys; even that once-rustic breed, the footballer, now aspires to the fatless, hairless, allure-free aesthetic. What has happened to the sturdy-thighed, big-bellied British foot-soldier running alongside Boadiceas chariot, naked, woad-coated and stout, who struck fear into the effeminate (and no doubt svelte) Romans? As a Chelsea fan, I note that at least a few are lurking down the Shed end. But they idolise Frank Lampard, a man who waxes his armpits. 
Sailing obliviously through these psychologically choppy waters is my man, who, like a lot of northern Europeans, is naturally rotund, with a very low metabolism. He has evolved to survive the Russian steppes and the high winds swooping over the Holborn Viaduct, not the pencil-thin trousers of Alexander McQueen. He revels in his wine, his chocolate and his cheese  and he loves his shape. All of which has compelled me to come to grips (so to speak) with the more voluptuous male. 
*Many of my former partners were svelte, conventionally gorgeous, some positively skinny. My mans comfort in his own skin proved resistant to my initial efforts to get him into the gym. What started as an ambivalent discourse with my sweethearts bulk (fantasies of liberating his inner thin self) has become a strong appreciation of the corpulent male. Theres even a name for my condition: FFA (Female Fat Admirer). *



My eye has changed when I now contemplate the current ideal of male beauty that is thrown at us innocent, but equally voyeuristic, women from the billboards. The hollowed cheeks, thin flanks, bony hands and knees that once said edgy, dangerous, a challenge to seduce and illicit in bed, now says undernourished, undersexed, uncomfortable, narcissistic (narcissists are lousy lovers) and probably a closet smoker. The airbrushed, injected beefcake as opposite to the languid, rake-thin model doesnt cut it any more, either. I would not want to spend time with someone who invests more in beauty products than I do; it also suggests more time invested in brawn than brain. I suspect that for most women sexual attractiveness lies between the ears and in not the pecs  anthropologically, we are the less visually driven gender. 
There is something comforting about being with a man who has heavier thighs than I do, considerable love handles and breasts only marginally smaller than mine. I feel that there is less pressure to conform to a size-zero stereotype. His confidence in his body shape has made my attitude to my own more tolerant and empathetic towards natural female hormonal seesawing of size. 
Years ago, a well-travelled male friend compared making love to a voluptuous woman rather than a skinnier one as the difference between driving a comfortable family sedan and driving a hard-seated sports car built for a quick spin. At the time my inner feminist was appalled. Now, though, I know precisely what he was talking about. Enjoying a plump lover for the first time is like collapsing on to a well-upholstered sofa after a lifetime spent thrashing around on a deflated air mattress. Theres also something inherently primal and womanly about having weight on top of you, to the side of you and under you. 
Then there is the power factor. Take our distant cousin the gorilla: the male is often twice the size of the female, his girth and bulk (and glistening grey hair) all play a part in attracting females, but also in fighting off smaller and younger (read slimmer) males from whisking away one of his harem. Perhaps my promiscuous hunter days are over but, whatever the reason, this economically independent female is happy to lie down with the ambling heavier silverbacked alpha male (minus harem), who can encompass me with his generous dimensions as well as being able to dismiss the occasional lovelorn skinny beta male with one flick of his intellect. More importantly, the cuddle factor is huge. 
Im convinced that we unconsciously think of powerful men as being physically substantial, too  like the classic image of the Victorian male, paunch protruding from under a waistcoat, thick tree-like legs planted solidly on the ground, hands held behind the back: John Bull. I think of the solidity of Donald Trump, the formerly weightier (and sexier) manifestation of Bill Clinton and Charles Saatchi (Nigellas husband): all sexy, sophisticated guys (OK, maybe not Trump, but he has charisma). Physiques such as these suggest a jovial comfortableness, the confidence of a man secure in his own skin, and an expanding hedonism as well as defiant sensuality. Whether you agree or not, I suspect that the association of girth with status might be genetically hardwired in us all  and despite the blandishments of Mens Health magazine and others to idolise the six-pack, the female of the species is deeply susceptible to such wiring. 
Think of some of the great womanisers. Napoleon had a paunch, and Casanova, although tall, looked as if he suffered a little middle-age spread without compromising his rutting. Alternatively, we might be looking for Papa  that comfortable male bosom to snuggle up against. Take the late Barry White, a great gravel-voiced tent of a man. I once heard an interview with him in which he was talking about the number of fans who had written to him claiming that they had been conceived to his songs. Thats sex appeal for you. Theres something about a deep voice that shoots right down to the proverbial female loins. 
Fat guys are often funny and, as every bloke knows, humour is one of the most effective ways of wooing. I suspect that the less conventionally handsome males are driven to develop other seduction strategies, and humour is right up there in the Top Ten. 
Then theres Gérard Depardieu, defiantly fat and very, very sexy. He embodies hedonism, a kind of joyful, Dionysian indulgence of the senses, and this implies a bedroom expertise that has sent many female moviegoers a-quiver. After all, hes a recognised connoisseur in food and wine, and the third arena of sensuality is a natural follow-on, nest-ce pas? 
Speaking of divine men, Zeus had some solidity to him, and in some depictions of Krishna, the god is a little on the curvy side. That attractive trait, happiness, has always been associated with corpulence; think of Father Christmas (not that hes on my erotic hitlist), jolly Morris dancers and Laurel and Hardy  well, Olly at least. 
Interestingly, rotund men are less likely than thin ones to commit suicide  so either eating what you like makes you happy, or unhappiness makes you thin, take your pick. So go forth, sisters, embrace the circumference, hug the bear. You may find that Prince Charming is a little heavier than Cinderella imagined. 
*Tobsha Learners novel Quiver is published by Penguin*


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## imfree (Aug 18, 2010)

Awesome article, BB, trust me, I needed
to see that. A SSBHM like myself seems
to be a useless commodity in 
DimmerLand, where a Guy needs to be 
young, slim, and cute to even be 
noticed by BBW/SSBBW-type Gals.:doh:


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## Paquito (Aug 18, 2010)

Does no one else feel uncomfortable when articles like there refer to skinny/hairy/smaller guys as "not being real men?" I know I've heard people use stuff like that in regards to fat guys, saying that only real men are buff and "fit."

I mean I'm happy for her that she likes big guys and isn't afraid to say so, but dogging skinny guys isn't going to help her point.


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## WillSpark (Aug 18, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Does no one else feel uncomfortable when articles like there refer to skinny/hairy/smaller guys as "not being real men?" I know I've heard people use stuff like that in regards to fat guys, saying that only real men are buff and "fit."
> 
> I mean I'm happy for her that she likes big guys and isn't afraid to say so, but dogging skinny guys isn't going to help her point.



I know what you mean. I mean, we've seen conflicts happen here similarly because of claims about "real women" vs the slimmer women around here. It's a really good way to turn people off, so to speak.

But thank you for the article. I thoroughly enjoyed it.


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## Paquito (Aug 18, 2010)

WillSpark said:


> I know what you mean. I mean, we've seen conflicts happen here similarly because of claims about "real women" vs the slimmer women around here. It's a really good way to turn people off, so to speak.
> 
> But thank you for the article. I thoroughly enjoyed it.



Yea I mean I don't want to devalue the article: it was a cute read and all. Just a little critique.


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## Amaranthine (Aug 18, 2010)

I totally agree with the cuddle factor, and the more powerful and protective presence. Even if I weren't an FFA, I'd still want someone who could protect me and make me feel safe. I've gotten that more from tucking up into a cuddle with a bigger guy than any kind of contact with a thinner guy, even if they were muscular. 

I also agree that any guy, no matter his body shape, can have a lot of appeal. Being thin doesn't make someone less of a man. I just prefer having someone significantly bigger ^^


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## djudex (Aug 18, 2010)

Speaking as a gorilla I can say that women do seem to love having a mate who's is capable of overpowering her but that chooses not to. I had one ex who was (and probably is still) 5'11 and in the 170-180 lbs. range and one day we were in the kitchen (typical eh?) and she mentioned that one of the things she hated most about being a taller woman is that men couldn't pick her up 'manhandle' her.

I looked at her sideways like and said "What, you mean like this?" and scooped her up in one arm and carried her around the kitchen as she squealed in surprised delight.

She repaid me well later that night for that little maneuver


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## Sasquatch! (Aug 18, 2010)

Paquito said:


> I mean I'm happy for her that she likes big guys and isn't afraid to say so, but dogging skinny guys isn't going to help her point.



I have a sneaking suspicion "dogging" means something entirely different in the US.


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## Paquito (Aug 18, 2010)

Sasquatch! said:


> I have a sneaking suspicion "dogging" means something entirely different in the US.



:batting:.


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## djudex (Aug 18, 2010)

Sasquatch! said:


> I have a sneaking suspicion "dogging" means something entirely different in the US.



Yep you betcha, not the same thing by a long shot.


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## Sasquatch! (Aug 18, 2010)

Paquito said:


> :batting:.



You wish, jailbait.


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## Paquito (Aug 18, 2010)

Sasquatch! said:


> You wish, jailbait.



Oh I do. Every night.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Aug 18, 2010)

this article seems to show up every once in a while here on the BHM forum. This article is actually what led me to dims a couple years back.


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## Amandy (Aug 18, 2010)

There are aspects of this article I really like, but the hardcore FFA in me rolled my eyes at his description... 2-3 stone above svelte? the guy's hovering in the low 200s maybe - yeah, she's really off the deep end with such a YUGE guy. How avant garde of her.


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## Paquito (Aug 18, 2010)

Amandy said:


> There are aspects of this article I really like, but the hardcore FFA in me rolled my eyes at his description... 2-3 stone above svelte? the guy's hovering in the low 200s maybe - yeah, she's really off the deep end with such a YUGE guy. How avant garde of her.



I got a vague sense of trying to be unique or different - like fuck you guys, I'm gonna be DIFFERENT (but not TOO different) - but her physical descriptions sold it for me.


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## Amandy (Aug 18, 2010)

Paquito said:


> I got a vague sense of trying to be unique or different - like fuck you guys, I'm gonna be DIFFERENT (but not TOO different) - but her physical descriptions sold it for me.



Yes, this. 

I stopped short of calling out the part about wanting him initially to go to the gym, because I get that FAs don't all come to their preference the same way. But how easy for dramatic effect that she was just skipping along through life with thin guys and then some slightly chunky guy turns her world on its head? Suddenly converting "to the dark side" because he happens to strut around confidently in his skivvies does not an FFA make. I'm not saying she can't enjoy a fat guy like any other FFA would, but she's not most hella not wired into my world.


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## Paquito (Aug 18, 2010)

Amandy said:


> Yes, this.
> 
> I stopped short of calling out the part about wanting him initially to go to the gym, because I get that FAs don't all come to their preference the same way. But how easy for dramatic effect that she was just skipping along through life with thin guys and then some slightly chunky guy turns her world on its head? Suddenly converting "to the dark side" because he happens to strut around confidently in his skivvies does not an FFA make. I'm not saying she can't enjoy a fat guy like any other FFA would, but she's not most hella not wired into my world.



I think she's more turned on by confidence, and maybe appreciates a chubby body. I don't think she's an FFA, but I think she just likes a bit of meat on the bones and didn't realize it until she tried some chunky boy.


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## FishCharming (Aug 18, 2010)

imfree said:


> Awesome article, BB, trust me, I needed
> to see that. A SSBHM like myself seems
> to be a useless commodity in
> DimmerLand, where a Guy needs to be
> ...



see, now i feel that i'm personally in the no-maam's land. being about 230 i feel like i'm too heavy for the conventional ladies but not heavy enough for those oh so illusive FFAs. I realize that everyone has their own tastes and that's why i just keep telling myself i'm a snack sized BHM


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## Paquito (Aug 18, 2010)

FishCharming said:


> see, now i feel that i'm personally in the no-maam's land. being about 230 i feel like i'm too heavy for the conventional ladies but not heavy enough for those oh so illusive FFAs. I realize that everyone has their own tastes and that's why i just keep telling myself i'm a snack sized BHM



I'm only a bit heavier than you, and I can say that I feel the same way. Fringe BHMs I guess.


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## LovesBigMen (Aug 18, 2010)

FishCharming said:


> see, now i feel that i'm personally in the no-maam's land. being about 230 i feel like i'm too heavy for the conventional ladies but not heavy enough for those oh so illusive FFAs. I realize that everyone has their own tastes and that's why i just keep telling myself i'm a *snack sized BHM *



That's awesome!


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## FishCharming (Aug 18, 2010)

LovesBigMen said:


> That's awesome!



or we could go with a "starter" BHM for the first time indulger.


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## Amaranthine (Aug 18, 2010)

FishCharming said:


> see, now i feel that i'm personally in the no-maam's land. being about 230 i feel like i'm too heavy for the conventional ladies but not heavy enough for those oh so illusive FFAs. I realize that everyone has their own tastes and that's why i just keep telling myself i'm a snack sized BHM



Well- I'm a pretty hardcore FFA, but if I find a guy who's personality I'm very attracted to, he doesn't have to be really big. Though, I can't say I can stretch personality far enough to make any exceptions for a guy who's thin. But, I could make myself plenty happy with 230lbs. 

Plus, it makes eating together and counting calorie consumption that much more fun. Any gaining seems like it'd be more exciting and a bit more obvious. Even without gaining, a great personality surrounded by a nice layer of fat is all I could ask for.


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## LovesBigMen (Aug 18, 2010)

FishCharming said:


> or we could go with a "starter" BHM for the first time indulger.



Well you look great haha just so you know. the name snack sized BHM I think is real good name though haha


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## Zowie (Aug 18, 2010)

Myeah, the whole 'hate on the skinny guy' always bugs me. I mean, just stick you want you like, there's no need to lower the other choice. I know I'd be pissed off if someone said I was less of a woman because of my scrawny ass.

Also, the way she describes what she wants in bodies is a little weird. "I dates these conventionally totally HOT guys but now I'm with the fat guy" makes it sound like she still loves 'hot' guys but is angrily sticking with fatguy to be different and rebellious and shit.


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## Esther (Aug 19, 2010)

bionic_eggplant said:


> Also, the way she describes what she wants in bodies is a little weird. "I dates these conventionally totally HOT guys but now I'm with the fat guy" makes it sound like she still loves 'hot' guys but is angrily sticking with fatguy to be different and rebellious and shit.



That's the 'tude I get from this article as well. Doesn't sit right with me.


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## paintsplotch (Aug 19, 2010)

FishCharming said:


> see, now i feel that i'm personally in the no-maam's land. being about 230 i feel like i'm too heavy for the conventional ladies but not heavy enough for those oh so illusive FFAs. I realize that everyone has their own tastes and that's why i just keep telling myself i'm a snack sized BHM



.... too bad you dont live closer..... thats just perfect for me....... doh!!! :blush:


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## Buffetbelly (Aug 19, 2010)

I think the author was not so much talking about herself as she was inviting fence-sitting females to give a fat bloke a go. She is encouraging potential FFA's to go for it. For some women, it's a journey to becoming a hard core FFA. They start out by hesitantly dating a barely husky socially acceptable guy and work their way up eventually to harpooning the nearest SSBHM.


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## GTAFA (Sep 14, 2010)

Buffetbelly said:


> from the Times of London back in 2007[snip]
> *Why I love getting to grips with a fat man*
> 
> *Corpulent men are, funnier, less dominated by foppish styles and better in bed. So says Tobsha Learner. And she should know  shes sleeping with one*



I wanted to share something i found in the newspaper today. I couldn't find a more appropriate thread; I'd ask the powers that be to please move this if they need to.

FROM the Toronto Globe & Mail, Social Studies Column on Sept 13th. I saw it in a second hand copy of the newspaper, while I was eating my salad today, Sept 14th. Speaking as a fairly thin guy, this news doesn't help me, but i wanted to share it with this community. I include their headline which makes a lot of sense.

*Jolly fat men*
Put down the weights and grab a hamburger: Researchers in Turkey have finished a year-long study that correlated body mass index with male sexual performance, Anneli Rufus reports for The Daily Beast website. Their findings may surprise you: Heavier men were able to make love for an average of 7.3 minutes, while slender men lasted an average of 108 seconds. The study, published in Nature, showed overweight men had higher levels of the female estradiol hormone, which blocks male hormones and delays the climax.


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## CastingPearls (Sep 14, 2010)

I don't know why so many people feel the need to put down one group to feel better or build up another.

I've been with thin men and fat men. I love the total package but the tubbier guy catches my eye first. He doesn't have to be any specific size but I like an able confident man with a lot of meat on his bones.

And yes, there is a factor of him being able to handle my size as well. Thin guys can be quite strong, but the visual of a big guy handling me is a HUGE turn-on.


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