# Fat dating/Dating Fat



## MisticalMisty (Feb 22, 2009)

There are so many variables that go into forming a relationships with someone. From chemistry and attraction, to morals, values, etc. Dating is hard.

My question is this.....do people actually date these days? or has our instant gratification society ruined the art of dating for good.

I think it's even harder for those of us who are fat and dating or those that are wanting to date someone fat.

Am I way off base?

What do you think?


----------



## AnnMarie (Feb 22, 2009)

I agree... it's hard for anyone, but obviously any time you narrow the audience in either direction, you've added some obstacles that others may not have to face for various reasons. 

I don't see much "dating" going on... but I'm not opposed to it... just seems that it's either direction... hook ups only or serial monogamists. That's ok as well if either is your thing, but I do think "dates" are hard to come by. I've been asked on maybe 2 in my life... so, at least for me, it's not the norm.


----------



## VVET (Feb 22, 2009)

AnnMarie said:


> I agree... it's hard for anyone, but obviously any time you narrow the audience in either direction, you've added some obstacles that others may not have to face for various reasons.
> 
> I don't see much "dating" going on... but I'm not opposed to it... just seems that it's either direction... hook ups only or serial monogamists. That's ok as well if either is your thing, but I do think "dates" are hard to come by. I've been asked on maybe 2 in my life... so, at least for me, it's not the norm.



Much easier to find someone on-line now, than 20 years ago, or more, by mail, or in person/chance.
Now it's easy to find other FAs as well


----------



## AnnMarie (Feb 22, 2009)

VVET said:


> Much easier to find someone on-line now, than 20 years ago, or more, by mail, or in person/chance.
> Now it's easy to find other FAs as well




I agree whole-heartedly, and thank GOD it's not 20 years ago, but it's still a challenge... comparing it to 20 years ago is fine, and there's progress, but it doesn't take away from the reality of the potential difficulties. 

But, as I said, I'm thankful for the progress .... it's way better than even 10 years ago. 

As a single person though, it's a challenge - can be frustrating when you're looking, thinking about looking, etc.


----------



## alan_koenig (Feb 22, 2009)

I think that with the technology today (facebook, msn messenger, text messaging) dating isn't a necessity when you need to get know someone else.
If I like a girl I'm more inclined to facebook her or add her on msn to get to know her, and then ask her out on an actual date (instead of just asking her out right away).


----------



## MisticalMisty (Feb 22, 2009)

alan_koenig said:


> I think that with the technology today (facebook, msn messenger, text messaging) dating isn't a necessity when you need to get know someone else.
> If I like a girl I'm more inclined to facebook her or add her on msn to get to know her, and then ask her out on an actual date (instead of just asking her out right away).



I really meant that more people are choosing FWB or a similar situation than actually dating someone.

I don't mind getting to know someone etc, through those means...but I don't get the expectation of sex so early on...

I guess I should have been clearer.


----------



## olwen (Feb 22, 2009)

I've noticed that everyone does have a different definition of dating. 

Some people "hang out" and if sex happens that's okay. Seems tho that method often leads to a "friends with benefits" situation more than it does a long term situation. Other people go on actual "Dates" and do the whole "Dating" thing. They never date more than one person at a time tho and and they all refer to themselves as serial monogomists. They could go thru 10 or so different people one after the other until one person sticks and they become a couple or until they get tired of dating and take a break. But the serial monogamists go thru more people than the people who do the fuck buddy thing, and as a result they are having more sex. If there is no sex after about a month of dating they move on to the next person.

How everyone communicates while dating and hanging out just depends on the person I think. 

Since I have a particular fetish, I don't always think of it in vanilla terms if that makes sense. I would meet other players either online or in a safe space. If I met people online who wouldn't go to the safe space to do a scene, that was the end of it, but if they do go to the safe space several times for several scenes and if there is definite chemistry we become "play partners" and there is a period of adjustment, if during the adjustment period things don't work out then I move on, if things do work out then I end up in a D/s relationship....since the dynamics are a bit different I'm not sure how to compare it to vanilla dating...However if I i'm interested in a vanilla person then I prefer to Date and not hang out, and I'd communicate in whatever way was convenient.


----------



## olwen (Feb 22, 2009)

I tried to edit my post, but I ran out of time....anyway, I wanted to add this: 

I'm also not sure how other SM people do things. I'm sure some meet online and some meet at SM functions, but Like I don't know if some people do things the vanilla way and then end up in a D/s relationship or if they end up in a vanilla relationship with a little kink thrown in or if they start out D/s and then end up vanilla w/kink...there's just so much variety....I don't know that there is a definite way of doing things.


----------



## olwen (Feb 22, 2009)

double post


----------



## Jon Blaze (Feb 22, 2009)

I wouldn't say dating is dead, but maybe it's weakened. Some people just aren't looking for it anymore. *Shrugs* I haven't lost interest, but I have friends who do some dating, but also do the booty call thing, etc...


----------



## superodalisque (Feb 22, 2009)

i think your kinda right Misty. all of the fun seems to have been taken out of dating. there is generally no sense of mystery, almost no sense of that excruciatingly wonderful anticipaton. romance, wow thats really dead meat for the most part. its like people have forgtten how unbelievably amazing it is to spend specific time with someone with only an intention to please that person and to have that intention returned. its as though its gone the same way as much of art literature and music. instant gratification is having its day. we have lost a lot of the true sensuality of life. maybe its easy to forget sometimes that when you don't take your time with something its hard to enjoy the pleasure in it. sometimes what most people seem to be doing reminds me of having an amazing carefully prepared meal in front of you and wolfing it down without chewing or tasting. its like the world's best thing has been taken over with the ignorance and sensibilities of 12 year old boys belching and fartng thier way along while running past the fragrant blooms in a rose garden unseen. okay soapbox minute over

ps: i keep thinking that this has a lot to do with the general reluctance people feel now to grow up. there seems to be a huge fear of responsibility. things that were once a matter of course, as natural as walking and breathing, have now become this big internal struggle. why have we been made so afraid to live? why have we been made so afraid to love?


----------



## Your Plump Princess (Feb 23, 2009)

Today's "Dating" is Still Seen As Common. Though it is not much like that of previous generations.

Sexual Interactions Between People With No Real "Knowledge" Of Eachother, or "Feelings" Of Eachother; Is Also Becomming Common.


You Can Find Out Everything You Want To Know, If Your Net-Savvy Enough.
You Find Find Out a HELL OF A LOT even if your NOT! 



But it Disappoints me, I Mean.. . What Ever Happend to "Going Steady" ? 
However, Women Are Taught It is their choice, their bodies, and their freedom to do with as they choose. 

Whatever Happend To Society Going "OH NO! Don't Have Sex on the 3rd Date!" 

MTV happend. [*JUST KIDDING, JUST. KIDDING.]*

Growing/Progressing Technology + Media + Sex Appeal + Societal Agreeance= Sexuality and Relationship/Intimacy Rituals As We Know Them Today


----------



## superodalisque (Feb 23, 2009)

most people kind these kinds of "relationships" depressing. no wonder so many people are on prozac


----------



## NoWayOut (Feb 23, 2009)

I do think it is harder to date for me because my selection's limited partially by my preference and partially by female preferences. One thing I know is that today's dating makes things harder as well because of the expectations of sex. That's just something I cannot do after any date.


----------



## Ivy (Feb 23, 2009)

i fucking HATE dating. so much so that i pretty much just refuse to do it. i much prefer to just fall into relationships and so far that's worked out for me. though my best friend (who is an ssbbw) dates all the time and never seems to have an issue finding a date.. a quality man on the other hand? not so much.


----------



## Oaksearcher (Feb 23, 2009)

I hope this is not a stupid question, but what exactly do you all define "dating" to mean? What I mean is that dating to me usually means making social engagements with someone of either the same or opposite sex (depending on attraction), but does it necessary imply multiple people? Thank you for your time.


----------



## kayrae (Feb 23, 2009)

I don't really date. Or get into relationships. Or get into FWB situations. I have issues that I'm working through.


----------



## URTalking2Jenn (Feb 23, 2009)

NoWayOut said:


> I do think it is harder to date for me because my selection's limited partially by my preference and partially by female preferences. One thing I know is that today's dating makes things harder as well because of the expectations of sex. That's just something I cannot do after any date.



I have to agree, with this. I've never dated anyone, and I've only been on a few dates. It's hard because the older I get the more expectation of sex there is. I'm a little old fashion and I think it becoming hard to find someone who shares my ideas. There are too many out there that wants the FWB, or just sex. Is could just be because I look for guys on the net too much.


----------



## MsGreenLantern (Feb 23, 2009)

I totally dated. Like... real dating. I was going to movies, out to dinner, etc with my boyfriend before we became an actual item. We did the whole courting ritual, it's a big part of what made me like him so much. We didn't have sex until we were in a committed relationship, which was aprox. 3 months after we started to 'date'.

It wasn't a meet-up at a party, sex, and okay now we're dating. [as many women my age are apt to do]

I was lucky enough to meet him through my older sister. He is the younger brother of my sister's friend.


----------



## indy500tchr (Feb 23, 2009)

Call me old fashioned but I would like to meet a guy who thinks I'm attractive and want to get to know me as a person, spend time together and then if the attraction is still there lead to more. I don't mind if that is done on-line or meeting for coffee. 

However lately it seems within five minutes of talking to a guy on-line they want to know my chest size, what I like in bed, etc. or if we meet in person they wanna head to the car or back to there place to hook up.

Do guys want to take the time anymore to form relationships? I know I would like to find one that wants to be with me more than just to jump in the sack. I am to the point in my life where I want to get married and have kids. I want to find a guy out there who will be a wonderful husband and father but it is frustrating me that there aren't guys out there that want to commit anymore.


----------



## NoWayOut (Feb 23, 2009)

indy500tchr said:


> Call me old fashioned but I would like to meet a guy who thinks I'm attractive and want to get to know me as a person, spend time together and then if the attraction is still there lead to more. I don't mind if that is done on-line or meeting for coffee.
> 
> However lately it seems within five minutes of talking to a guy on-line they want to know my chest size, what I like in bed, etc. or if we meet in person they wanna head to the car or back to there place to hook up.
> 
> Do guys want to take the time anymore to form relationships? I know I would like to find one that wants to be with me more than just to jump in the sack. I am to the point in my life where I want to get married and have kids. I want to find a guy out there who will be a wonderful husband and father but it is frustrating me that there aren't guys out there that want to commit anymore.



There aren't many of us there, that's for sure. Best of luck to you.


----------



## indy500tchr (Feb 23, 2009)

NoWayOut said:


> There aren't many of us there, that's for sure. Best of luck to you.



I had a feeling that was true...what happened to them all?


----------



## viracocha (Feb 23, 2009)

Before even getting to the question of dating fat/fat dating, I'd like to know if the traditional sense of "dating" is really part of courtship practices anymore?

Of the dates I've been on, there seems a level of assumed knowledge from both parties (in areas like who we are, who we know, what we do, what we generally subscribe to). At that point, I think dating has become increasingly like "hanging out", but just with somebody you're physically attracted to. Of course, it could just be that I've never gotten worked up about dates and act like the geek I always am. 

However, I think the aspect of fat dating tends to bring the relationship initially into more familiar territory. I know I would feel better acquainted with someone that I knew was already versed in the size acceptance movement, Dims, or just activist groups in general. I could definitely see how fat dating seems to limit dating prospects at first, I think it provides a clearer and easier platform for people to get to know each other.


----------



## olwen (Feb 23, 2009)

viracocha said:


> Before even getting to the question of dating fat/fat dating, I'd like to know if the traditional sense of "dating" is really part of courtship practices anymore?
> 
> Of the dates I've been on, there seems a level of assumed knowledge from both parties (in areas like who we are, who we know, what we do, what we generally subscribe to). At that point, I think dating has become increasingly like "hanging out", but just with somebody you're physically attracted to. Of course, it could just be that I've never gotten worked up about dates and act like the geek I always am.
> 
> However, I think the aspect of fat dating tends to bring the relationship initially into more familiar territory. I know I would feel better acquainted with someone that I knew was already versed in the size acceptance movement, Dims, or just activist groups in general. I could definitely see how fat dating seems to limit dating prospects at first, *I think it provides a clearer and easier platform for people to get to know each other*.




You would think that, but it seems to me like there are fat people for whom SA would be the last thing they'd want to relate to someone about....meh.


----------



## NoWayOut (Feb 24, 2009)

indy500tchr said:


> I had a feeling that was true...what happened to them all?



Not honestly sure, but I do feel sorry for you ladies.


----------



## Cors (Feb 24, 2009)

Olwen's post about fat dating being similar to BDSM dating got me thinking. It makes sense that a guy one meets on BBW/FA dating sites is more likely to be into the sexual/fetishistic aspect of size than a guy one meets through other avenues (who might not even be an FA).

I remembered being suckered into the whole dating thing when I first came out as a lesbian. I lived in an extremely conservative place and was so excited about the prospect of meeting women who can potentially be my girlfriend that I pretty much went out with anyone who asked. I guess some fat girls probably reacted similarly when they first find out about the BBW/FA scene, but the novelty probably wears off after a while after they realise that FAs aren't all that rare or hard to find. 

I didn't take dating too seriously - I loved dressing up, dining out and getting to know another person, even if she isn't my type. My experiences were generally pleasant (I guess women are less likely to expect or demand sex on the first date) but they didn't lead to anything more. Then again, I won't say that I have ever been extremely attracted to anyone I dated properly and my three previous relationships (all with submissive women much bigger and older than me) started with sex. Not the wisest move, since we ended up clashing outside the bedroom but I sometimes wonder if I could do the whole dating thing and hold off the sex for weeks when there is obvious physical chemistry.


----------



## MamaLisa (Feb 24, 2009)

Im more of a booty call type of chick.. i dont like the idea of being hurt and getting into relationships..(i let someone in recently who basically stalked me and won me over.. I ended up getting dumped hard .. on my birthday no less!) so after many years of saying "im not gonna let myself get hurt" guess what i did??

im a gemini.. get bored easilly.. and frustrated if im limited by a partner in whatever way. "if you dont like it.. theres the door!"

on the other hand.. i love the idea of cuddling someone when i sleep.. id love to be able to have regular "relations" lol and someone to share things with.. but not counting on it cos australia is a very pretentious and ignorant country.. FA's are extremely few and far between.

Gosh i need a shrink :doh: lol


----------



## mediaboy (Feb 24, 2009)

as far as I'm concerned our first date officially happens when we are showering together the morning after


----------



## Tracy (Feb 24, 2009)

Misty, I like this post and the question you have ask here. No I don't believe that people actually date these days. To me its more like "what can you do for me" and if you are not willing to give that person what they want or meet whatever their agenda may be then that person moves on. We live in a very selfish society where it is all about "me". I also agree with you that when you are a woman of size trying to date that it is harder. I have met men who thought because I was a woman of size that I was weak and I think that these men thought they would use that to their advantage. For the most part I don't date. I'm more of an old fashioned lady so with the new standards of dating its really just to stressful to me. I enjoy the company of my friends and family. I figure if it is meant for me to meet someone then God will send that person into my life at the right place and time. Until that happens I'm out there enjoying life and having fun. If I feel the need for the deed; well they make wonderful toys for that and I don't have to worry about catching some sort of disease.


----------



## Brenda (Feb 24, 2009)

I learned I was fishing in ponds that were not stocked with the fish I was seeking. When I changed ponds my results changed.

Brenda


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Feb 24, 2009)

I can't really answer this as I only went on a few random dates. When Mike and I were "dating" it was more like a courtship in that we were marriage minded before we even met in person. As weird as that sounds. So we didn't really date....the first time we met it was more like getting to know the person you know you are going to marry.


----------



## snuggletiger (Feb 24, 2009)

MisticalMisty said:


> I really meant that more people are choosing FWB or a similar situation than actually dating someone.
> 
> I don't mind getting to know someone etc, through those means...but I don't get the expectation of sex so early on...
> 
> I guess I should have been clearer.



I guess I am just different, I like getting to know a person and spend time talking to them before taking that big step. It makes me nervous if someone I am going out with wants sex on the first date. Course that's probably why I am still single but carry on


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 24, 2009)

I'm the saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame way *thumbs up*



Ivy said:


> i fucking HATE dating. so much so that i pretty much just refuse to do it. i much prefer to just fall into relationships and so far that's worked out for me.




I think when a man starts asking these questions, we should start coming back with 1) what type of car do you drive? 2) what do you do for a living? 3) do you have plans of bettering your financial situation in the future? 4) do you own a home? 5) can i have a copy of your credit report?

Asking for a penis size doesn't work, they're glad to tell you they have a monster cock and will probably even supply pics lol i think all of the above questions would be nearly as offensive to a man as the one's they're throwing at the women. 



indy500tchr said:


> However lately it seems within five minutes of talking to a guy on-line they want to know my chest size, what I like in bed, etc.


----------



## Cors (Feb 24, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> I think when a man starts asking these questions, we should start coming back with 1) what type of car do you drive? 2) what do you do for a living? 3) do you have plans of bettering your financial situation in the future? 4) do you own a home? 5) can i have a copy of your credit report?
> 
> Asking for a penis size doesn't work, they're glad to tell you they have a monster cock and will probably even supply pics lol i think all of the above questions would be nearly as offensive to a man as the one's they're throwing at the women.



It annoys me that many men have that shameless "yeah I am here to objectify women and ask for measurements to wank to, so what?" attitude but yet accuse us of being gold diggers if we ask about finances or sluts if we ask about penis size. And well, some guys who are well-off are usually more than happy to divulge how much they earn (or at least, I have had guys who try to use that on me as a pick-up line).


----------



## olwen (Feb 25, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> I'm the saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame way *thumbs up*
> 
> 
> 
> ...



LOL. But how many would see the irony? 



Cors said:


> It annoys me that many men have that shameless "yeah I am here to objectify women and ask for measurements to wank to, so what?" attitude but yet accuse us of being gold diggers if we ask about finances or sluts if we ask about penis size. And well, some guys who are well-off are usually more than happy to divulge how much they earn (or at least, I have had guys who try to use that on me as a pick-up line).



Exactly. It's funny cause it's true. Some guys have used that line on me too. Hell tho, I think maybe sometimes they think we're sluts before we even ask, just because somewhere down the line "fat girls are easy" has been drilled into their heads. Maybe that's why all the sex questions and penis pics always come up before they even ask us questions about who we are as people. 

I gave up on internet dating a while ago. That's the main reason why. Too many sex questions *before* other kinds of questions. "Hi, I'm SuperFA4999. What's your bra size? How much do you weigh? Do you have (nude) pics?" Just gross. Even worse is when they spend maybe 30 mins chatting about this and that and then suddenly hit you with a barrage of sex questions. Like they think they're being slick.  Don't even get me started about DS online dating sites - the questions are even more outrageous. I just stick to the forums. It's just too much bullshit for me to deal with. 

I'll just have to meet someone the old fashioned way - going out and doing things. Hopefully someone awesome and compatible will come along who'll actually be interested in getting to know me as a person.


----------



## mergirl (Feb 25, 2009)

If by dating you mean...inviting people over to your house to get them drunk.. then yes, i have dated in the past! lol


----------



## Keb (Feb 25, 2009)

I've only dated a little, though I wouldn't mind more. 

I worry that it's going to be much, MUCH harder for me to find a lasting relationship because of my weight and because I believe sex should be saved for marriage. It's not always easy to believe there's someone out there that will think I'm worth all that.


----------



## mergirl (Feb 25, 2009)

Keb said:


> I've only dated a little, though I wouldn't mind more.
> 
> I worry that it's going to be much, MUCH harder for me to find a lasting relationship because of my weight and because I believe sex should be saved for marriage. It's not always easy to believe there's someone out there that will think I'm worth all that.


Thats rediculous. Of course you are!!  grrrrrrr.. stop being mean to our Keb!!!!! 
Isnt there christian dating sites? Ive never heard of actual Fa christian sites but i'm sure there are loads of christian Fa's.. They like god right? So they must like goddesses too!
x


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 25, 2009)

I think dating has changed quite a bit. I have found that a lot of people (women and men) I have met within the BBW/FA subculture seem to want to have sex right away instead of taking time to know someone. Perhaps I notice this because I came from a moderately conservative Christian background. 

I think it is better to get to know someone before having sex because you and the other person might not like each other outside the bedroom. Sex is fun and gratifying but it is an end in itself.

I talk to a lot of different people on this subculture and it saddens me that the first thing some people want to talk about is bra sizes, hips sizes, penis sizes, and what people like in bed.


----------



## olwen (Feb 25, 2009)

Keb said:


> I've only dated a little, though I wouldn't mind more.
> 
> I worry that it's going to be much, MUCH harder for me to find a lasting relationship because of my weight and because I believe sex should be saved for marriage. It's not always easy to believe there's someone out there that will think I'm worth all that.



Of course there are. I dunno...I feel like if you just let the universe know what it is you want, then when the time is right, it will provide. If you think that guy isn't out there, then the universe can hear that and will assume you must be okay the way you are...It's like, how can it help you find what you are looking for if it doesn't know you need it?

That's my approach anyway.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Feb 26, 2009)

MamaLisa said:


> Im more of a booty call type of chick.. i dont like the idea of being hurt and getting into relationships..(i let someone in recently who basically stalked me and won me over.. I ended up getting dumped hard .. on my birthday no less!) so after many years of saying "im not gonna let myself get hurt" guess what i did??
> 
> im a gemini.. get bored easilly.. and frustrated if im limited by a partner in whatever way. "if you dont like it.. theres the door!"
> 
> ...




I'm a Gemini....and used to be a no relationships only get ass when I want ass kind of girl. Then I met a gorgeous, intelligent, FA Aquarius. It's a match made in heaven. We balance each other out.

Never say never. I said I would never get married. And at age 27 (I think, lol) I was engaged.

Now as for there not being any FAs in Australia. That's a lame excuse, lol. My hubby knew there weren't many SSBBWs in England so he imported Be warned though, if you find that perfect relationship it might cost you your world.


----------



## NoWayOut (Feb 26, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> I think when a man starts asking these questions, we should start coming back with 1) what type of car do you drive? 2) what do you do for a living? 3) do you have plans of bettering your financial situation in the future? 4) do you own a home? 5) can i have a copy of your credit report?
> 
> Asking for a penis size doesn't work, they're glad to tell you they have a monster cock and will probably even supply pics lol i think all of the above questions would be nearly as offensive to a man as the one's they're throwing at the women.



Is it strange that I would be willing to answer the five "offensive" questions but would refuse to answer the penis size question?

The answers are a Subaru Impreza, journalist, hoping to, not yet and if I get to know you better.


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 26, 2009)

you're one of the few hon  

which, i was just trying to say that nobody wants to be reduced to numbers. Some men want to reduce the ladies to their weight, bra size, measurements or whatever, but if the numbers were asked from them concerning their financial status...well.. most of them would be seriously offended lol. 



NoWayOut said:


> Is it strange that I would be willing to answer the five "offensive" questions but would refuse to answer the penis size question?
> 
> The answers are a Subaru Impreza, journalist, hoping to, not yet and if I get to know you better.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 26, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> you're one of the few hon
> 
> which, i was just trying to say that nobody wants to be reduced to numbers. Some men want to reduce the ladies to their weight, bra size, measurements or whatever, but if the numbers were asked from them concerning their financial status...well.. most of them would be seriously offended lol.



I will now offer an alternative point of view. You have a valid point, but a lot of women will fall all over themselves to readily show nude pictures, tell you their measurements including weight, bra size, and what sex techniques they like; and become sexual right away. A man has to make very little effort because there are so many women who will readily engage in this desparate behavior. And the sad thing is, there are guys who will expect this and think it is okay to begin an online conversation with sexually inappropriate remarks.


----------



## Cors (Feb 26, 2009)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I will now offer an alternative point of view. You have a valid point, but a lot of women will fall all over themselves to readily show nude pictures, tell you their measurements including weight, bra size, and what sex techniques they like; and become sexual right away. A man has to make very little effort because there are so many women who will readily engage in this desparate behavior. And the sad thing is, there are guys who will expect this and think it is okay to begin an online conversation with sexually inappropriate remarks.



Fine if she is indeed just an open-minded, sexually-liberated woman who likes being objectified that way but it makes me incredibly sad to think of the women who engage in desperate behavior only because they think it is expected of them, truly believe that they can't do any better and would do anything to keep a man interested.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 26, 2009)

Cors said:


> Fine if she is indeed just an open-minded, sexually-liberated woman who likes being objectified that way but it makes me incredibly sad to think of the women who engage in desperate behavior only because they think it is expected of them, truly believe that they can't do any better and would do anything to keep a man interested.




I agree. Now the question becomes what can we do to create supportive environments to empower people within our subculture and help them see that said desparate behavior is unnecessary.


----------



## NoWayOut (Feb 26, 2009)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I will now offer an alternative point of view. You have a valid point, but a lot of women will fall all over themselves to readily show nude pictures, tell you their measurements including weight, bra size, and what sex techniques they like; and become sexual right away. A man has to make very little effort because there are so many women who will readily engage in this desparate behavior. And the sad thing is, there are guys who will expect this and think it is okay to begin an online conversation with sexually inappropriate remarks.



And while I'm not going to make the idiotic comparison between how much tougher that makes things for a woman versus how much tougher it makes things for a man, the reality is that it does make things tougher for a man who doesn't want sex. If I meet a woman who engages in that behavior, that's an immediate turn-off. 

It's not nearly as hard for me as it is for women, but I just want to find a woman who has a great personality, is not going to pressure me for sex and preferably weighs more than I do. I could settle for 2-for-3 if she was thin, but I won't settle for 2-for-3 any other way. Unfortunately, that's all I've run into so far.


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 26, 2009)

there is a way to add sexuality into the mix without being "desperate" lol. Also, nude pictures don't make a person desperate either. I'm far from desperate  I think it's a matter of being a mature person who understands that yes there is almost always some degree of sexuality involved in male/female relations but there's also a way to go about it without being an ass and treating the person like a human being rather than a piece of ass. 

Saying that nude pictures CAUSE a man to behave a certain way is pretty ridiculous to me really. of course they get a reaction, but a man is in control of himself. There are plenty of men who see nude pictures. But to say that nude pictures cause them to behave a certain way towards all women..well...i think that's silly really.

I have a website, i show nude pictures, i give out my measurements..but if a man wants to talk to ME, he talks to me with respect or he doesn't talk to me at all. End of story..and there are plenty of men who understand that.

Unless you are talking about private conversations? Sorry if i took this the wrong way


----------



## olwen (Feb 26, 2009)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I will now offer an alternative point of view. You have a valid point, but a lot of women will fall all over themselves to readily show nude pictures, tell you their measurements including weight, bra size, and what sex techniques they like; and become sexual right away. A man has to make very little effort because there are so many women who will readily engage in this desparate behavior. And the sad thing is, there are guys who will expect this and think it is okay to begin an online conversation with sexually inappropriate remarks.



You make it sound like a woman aren't supposed to want to be promiscuous or that any woman who is promiscuous is automatically desperate. Not always true. 

In any event, it's up to the guy to figure out if she's open minded and liberated or just trying to get him to like her. If he doesn't figure this out, it can be the difference between two people having fun and one person leading someone on. The person doing the leading knows full well that they're doing it too. I find it hard to believe that the guys who expect that kind of behavior from fat women didn't have that attitude of fat girls are easy after they started talking to bbws. In other words, if they expect a fat girl to be sexual from the get go it's not because that's what they experience online, it's because that's what they were told and believed _before _they got online. 

I've gotten into online arguments with guys over this perception. If I say "I don't have any nude pics for you." they say things like, "oh come on, I promise I'll delete them right after." They don't even believe I don't have any, and I really do wonder if they'd do the same thing to a thin woman on a regular dating site, or do they take the time to try to impress the thin woman and get to know her first? After a while, I learned to hit ignore instead of arguing. 

If there are women who do engage in that behavior when they really don't want to, well unfortunately, they have to go thru that before they learn otherwise, and I wonder too how much of that is a function of not having dated as teens. It's the kind of stuff teenage girls do sometimes - sexual stuff they don't want to do because they think the guy won't like them if they don't.


----------



## olwen (Feb 26, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> there is a way to add sexuality into the mix without being "desperate" lol. Also, nude pictures don't make a person desperate either. I'm far from desperate  I think it's a matter of being a mature person who understands that yes there is almost always some degree of sexuality involved in male/female relations but there's also a way to go about it without being an ass and treating the person like a human being rather than a piece of ass.
> 
> *Saying that nude pictures CAUSE a man to behave a certain way is pretty ridiculous to me really. of course they get a reaction, but a man is in control of himself. There are plenty of men who see nude pictures. But to say that nude pictures cause them to behave a certain way towards all women..well...i think that's silly really.
> *
> ...



That's exactly what I was trying to say! You said it much better than I did I think.


----------



## NoWayOut (Feb 26, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> there is a way to add sexuality into the mix without being "desperate" lol. Also, nude pictures don't make a person desperate either. I'm far from desperate  I think it's a matter of being a mature person who understands that yes there is almost always some degree of sexuality involved in male/female relations but there's also a way to go about it without being an ass and treating the person like a human being rather than a piece of ass.
> 
> Saying that nude pictures CAUSE a man to behave a certain way is pretty ridiculous to me really. of course they get a reaction, but a man is in control of himself. There are plenty of men who see nude pictures. But to say that nude pictures cause them to behave a certain way towards all women..well...i think that's silly really.
> 
> ...



And that's the way it should be. It's all about your standards, who should not be compromised for anyone.


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 26, 2009)

we're on the same page  hehe

I can understand if he's talking about a private conversation. That might change things. I mean, if some guy is chatting it up with a girl and suddenly in their first conversation she sends a nude spread eagle shot..well...I suppose you can't expect him to go back to talking about the weather lol.



olwen said:


> That's exactly what I was trying to say! You said it much better than I did I think.


----------



## Your Plump Princess (Feb 27, 2009)

Keb said:


> I've only dated a little, though I wouldn't mind more.
> 
> I worry that it's going to be much, MUCH harder for me to find a lasting relationship because of my weight and because I believe sex should be saved for marriage. It's not always easy to believe there's someone out there that will think I'm worth all that.





Minus The First Sentence.
This is how I feel.


----------



## URTalking2Jenn (Feb 27, 2009)

Keb said:


> I've only dated a little, though I wouldn't mind more.
> 
> I worry that it's going to be much, MUCH harder for me to find a lasting relationship because of my weight and because I believe sex should be saved for marriage. It's not always easy to believe there's someone out there that will think I'm worth all that.



Keb I know how you feel. I don't believe in sex before marriage and at one time I felt that my weight was the reason I couldn't find someone. It's hard to find a christian who will wait for sex and yes it's harder to find a christian fa, but since I've been on Dims I've come to believe that there are men out there like that. 



mergirl said:


> Isnt there christian dating sites? Ive never heard of actual Fa christian sites but i'm sure there are loads of christian Fa's.. They like god right?



I did sign up for eHarmony once and found some nice christian guys that said they liked fat girls.


----------



## rachael (Feb 27, 2009)

i'm not sure that traditional dating is still alive. not that i have ever really dated before. i've always been much too scared to approach men, and the ones who have approached me always wanted sex right then. i've been in 3 committed relaitonships before. The most serious being a guy who was my best friend for two years before that and we kind of just "fell into it". lately i have been meeting guys online and most of them have wanted NSA sex, which i am not particularly down with. i wonder if they think because i am fat or because i am meeting them online that i would be okay with being a fwb with them. i don't know know. i am very confused about dating and what a man expects from you when you are dating. when you come across as too sexual, they think you are a slut. if you don't give them sex soon enough, they lose interest. meeting men in person seems to be a lost cause, although i have recently met someone in person who was fat and i actually dated for awhile. it turns out that he was an ex convict and while we had extreme sexual chemistry, it obviously wouldn't work. 
i find that in today's society where people are so quick to have sex, it's hard to have a committed relationship that doesn't include it. for myself i find sex to be a very fun and intimate connection and i don't have it with just anyone. that being said, every single one of men that i ever dated seriously(except for the guy who was my best friend)i have slept with pretty much within the first three dates. i usually end up breaking off the relationship because i would ALWAYS end up feeling as if it was all about sex for the guy. 
now i'm so messed up on the idea, that i equate sex with dating. so much so that if a guy doesn't want sex i automatically think they aren't attracted to me or don't want to have a relationship with me. it's a weird thing. i don't know the difference between "casual" dating, "regular" dating and a committed relationship. 
i know labels are bad to some people, but to me i feel that "dating" is a way to play the field because you think there might be something better out there. 
someone enlighten me please.


----------



## NoWayOut (Feb 27, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> we're on the same page  hehe
> 
> I can understand if he's talking about a private conversation. That might change things. I mean, if some guy is chatting it up with a girl and suddenly in their first conversation she sends a nude spread eagle shot..well...I suppose you can't expect him to go back to talking about the weather lol.



I've never had that happen to me before, and I hope I never do. That would cause me to kill the conversation.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Feb 27, 2009)

NoWayOut said:


> I've never had that happen to me before, and I hope I never do. That would cause me to kill the conversation.



lol. I had had guys send me those pics online. Funny. I never take guys like that seriously. I like guys who are shy and hard to get to know...but keep chatting anyways


----------



## ashmamma84 (Feb 27, 2009)

I think women get it twisted far too often. We have ALOT of power when it comes to relationships, but we relinquish it and we don't even know if the guy or girl is worth it. Why do we sleep with a person on a first date and expect for a guy to wife her? Bad idea -- he's happy cause he got what he wanted and now you are looking sad and sorry with a boo boo face. Women complain that chivalry is dead and the good guys are gone, but I don't really think so. I think alot of women in my age group (20's - 30's) could take a note from the old school. Could it be that women aren't really requiring much of the men they are dealing with? What's interesting is that my butch friends kind of think the same thing. 

If a person wants you, I mean really wants you, that person will raise the bar to your standards. And if he or she doesn't...MOVE ON. That isn't something that should be negotiated or something to kid ourselves about. 

Also, something my guy friends and my 40+ year old loctician says is that women complicate matters on alot of fronts. Guys are pretty simple when it comes to what they really need -- support, loyalty, and the good good.  

I'm not excusing bad or immature behavior of men. I just know from talking to other women about their relationship woes alot could be alleviated if we are honest with ourselves.


----------



## olwen (Feb 27, 2009)

rachael said:


> i'm not sure that traditional dating is still alive.  not that i have ever really dated before. i've always been much too scared to approach men, and the ones who have approached me always wanted sex right then. i've been in 3 committed relaitonships before. The most serious being a guy who was my best friend for two years before that and we kind of just "fell into it". lately i have been meeting guys online and most of them have wanted NSA sex, which i am not particularly down with. i wonder if they think because i am fat or because i am meeting them online that i would be okay with being a fwb with them. i don't know know. i am very confused about dating and what a man expects from you when you are dating. when you come across as too sexual, they think you are a slut. if you don't give them sex soon enough, they lose interest. meeting men in person seems to be a lost cause, although i have recently met someone in person who was fat and i actually dated for awhile. it turns out that he was an ex convict and while we had extreme sexual chemistry, it obviously wouldn't work.
> i find that in today's society where people are so quick to have sex, it's hard to have a committed relationship that doesn't include it. for myself i find sex to be a very fun and intimate connection and i don't have it with just anyone. that being said, every single one of men that i ever dated seriously(except for the guy who was my best friend)i have slept with pretty much within the first three dates. i usually end up breaking off the relationship because i would ALWAYS end up feeling as if it was all about sex for the guy.
> now i'm so messed up on the idea, that i equate sex with dating. so much so that if a guy doesn't want sex i automatically think they aren't attracted to me or don't want to have a relationship with me. it's a weird thing. i don't know the difference between "casual" dating, "regular" dating and a committed relationship.
> i know labels are bad to some people, but to me i feel that "dating" is a way to play the field because you think there might be something better out there.
> someone enlighten me please.



I had always thought the difference between casual and regular dating was that with casual dating you could date more than one person at a time sometimes with the idea that you are just having fun and are not really looking for something serious, so you are playing the field. I thought regular dating was dating one person at time for a while and sometimes to where dating overlaps with being in a relationship...it's like that period before you both agree to be an official couple. At least it makes sense to me that way. I could be wrong about it tho.

I know exactly what you mean about waiting for sex. I think at one point I had realized that while what the (vanilla) guy wanted mattered, since I'm the one who risks pregnancy that he should go at my pace and be more worried about what I want. What's more that what I want matters, and that I have to be vocal about it. So I learned to just say up front: "I'm not sleeping with you on the first date or the second or the third, and if that's a problem for you let me know so neither one of us wastes the other's time." 

Some of those guys thanked me for being up front. Some said things like "Well, a fat pig like you will be waiting forever." Then capped it off with "Fat Bitch." Some guys would just say nothing but "Good Bye." It was disheartening to have to go thru that so often, but at least making my desires quite clear saved me from going thru grief. 

If you are the shy type I can see how it would be hard to say what you want up front, but I don't know...there's so many jerks out there, I feel like it's just necessary. Even when meeting people in person at some point you have to make your desires known so you can figure out if you're on the same page....


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 27, 2009)

yeah it does for me too..if a guy sends a pic like that my first response is an eyeroll and my second is the ignore button lol



NoWayOut said:


> I've never had that happen to me before, and I hope I never do. That would cause me to kill the conversation.


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 27, 2009)

That's pretty much how i've always viewed it too. I've never been a casual dater..dating gets on my nerves too bad. So if i'm gonna go out with someone, it's because i see lots of potential. 



olwen said:


> I had always thought the difference between casual and regular dating was that with casual dating you could date more than one person at a time sometimes with the idea that you are just having fun and are not really looking for something serious, so you are playing the field. I thought regular dating was dating one person at time for a while and sometimes to where dating overlaps with being in a relationship...it's like that period before you both agree to be an official couple. At least it makes sense to me that way. I could be wrong about it tho.





RL dating is totally different from online too though. My last 2 serious RL relationships started from online and in both cases, the sex was pretty early on in the actual meetings. Though, i KNEW that a bond and friendship had already been formed for a while and they both wound up being serious long term boyfriends.

Also though, i knew they weren't the types to just meet someone, sleep with them and run off...and the other elements were already in place..respect, friendship, trust. I think those things are essential before you can move into a sexual relationship. It's just impossible to have those things IRL "normal" dating situations if you've only met and talked to someone a couple times. Women have to be careful who they're putting their trust in. My screening process is rigorous lol. So...i concur lol



ashmamma84 said:


> I think women get it twisted far too often. We have ALOT of power when it comes to relationships, but we relinquish it and we don't even know if the guy or girl is worth it. Why do we sleep with a person on a first date and expect for a guy to wife her? Bad idea -- he's happy cause he got what he wanted and now you are looking sad and sorry with a boo boo face. Women complain that chivalry is dead and the good guys are gone, but I don't really think so. I think alot of women in my age group (20's - 30's) could take a note from the old school. Could it be that women aren't really requiring much of the men they are dealing with? What's interesting is that my butch friends kind of think the same thing.
> 
> If a person wants you, I mean really wants you, that person will raise the bar to your standards. And if he or she doesn't...MOVE ON. That isn't something that should be negotiated or something to kid ourselves about.
> 
> ...


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Feb 27, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> That's pretty much how i've always viewed it too. I've never been a casual dater..dating gets on my nerves too bad. So if i'm gonna go out with someone, it's because i see lots of potential.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I agree that online relationships are VERY different. Mike and I knew eachother off and on for about 10 years maybe 11 now. The first time he came out to see me in Feb 06 we slept in the same bed the very first night. We had already exchanged I love yous and had already discussed marriage and immigration. We didn't have sex though for at least 3 days of hanging out and getting to know eachother.  But I would never ever just meet a guy in a bar and let him sleep in my bed the first night. NO WAY!

On that first trip to see me, i also took him up to meet my parents. I just knew he was the one for me.


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 27, 2009)

oh yeah it toooootally changes it ...the getting to know someone intimately process can be much deeper because sex is taken out of the equation pretty much altogether. I mean, obviously not completely..there are ways lol...but you know what i mean  hehe

but yeah..me neither...i'm not gonna just "do the deed" with someone randomly just for the sake of doing it. If there's gonna be another person involved then i need some emotions ..otherwise i'm pulling out my trusty bullet lol



BigBellySSBBW said:


> I agree that online relationships are VERY different. Mike and I knew eachother off and on for about 10 years maybe 11 now. The first time he came out to see me in Feb 06 we slept in the same bed the very first night. We had already exchanged I love yous and had already discussed marriage and immigration. We didn't have sex though for at least 3 days of hanging out and getting to know eachother.  But I would never ever just meet a guy in a bar and let him sleep in my bed the first night. NO WAY!
> 
> On that first trip to see me, i also took him up to meet my parents. I just knew he was the one for me.


----------



## MisticalMisty (Feb 28, 2009)

I feel you guys on the connection thing. I have never dated anyone I didn't met online...

Am I alone in that? 

lol

I'm all about questions today.


----------



## AnnMarie (Feb 28, 2009)

MisticalMisty said:


> I feel you guys on the connection thing. I have never dated anyone I didn't met online...
> 
> Am I alone in that?
> 
> ...



I think I've only been involved with one person I met in person (meaning, met first time in person, not online somehow). It was no different really (it the feelings, how it worked/unfolded, etc) than my relationships that started online, FWIW.

I've never had an online-only relationship... it has to be "real" or it's not going to be much of anything. Even if you have to make plans and wait a bit, that's fine, but I wouldn't love someone who I've never met in person, I'd never commit myself in large ways to something that's intangible.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 28, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> I think when a man starts asking these questions, we should start coming back with 1) what type of car do you drive? 2) what do you do for a living? 3) do you have plans of bettering your financial situation in the future? 4) do you own a home? 5) can i have a copy of your credit report?
> 
> *Asking for a penis size doesn't work, they're glad to tell you they have a monster cock and will probably even supply pics *lol i think all of the above questions would be nearly as offensive to a man as the one's they're throwing at the women.



One time a guy in chat PM'ed me to say hi how are you ...the usual stuff. Then he asked "A/S/L plus weight/sizes". I was kind of stunned...and balking....and got pissed. So....I said I will be happy to share my sizes if you show me some full body shots...including penis measurements". Mr Bold didn't have much time to chat after that  



NoWayOut said:


> Is it strange that I would be willing to answer the five "offensive" questions but would refuse to answer the penis size question?
> 
> The answers are a Subaru Impreza, journalist, hoping to, not yet and if I get to know you better.



What year Subaru? 



ashmamma84 said:


> I think women get it twisted far too often. We have ALOT of power when it comes to relationships, but we relinquish it and we don't even know if the guy or girl is worth it. Why do we sleep with a person on a first date and expect for a guy to wife her? Bad idea -- he's happy cause he got what he wanted and now you are looking sad and sorry with a boo boo face. Women complain that chivalry is dead and the good guys are gone, but I don't really think so. I think alot of women in my age group (20's - 30's) could take a note from the old school. Could it be that women aren't really requiring much of the men they are dealing with? What's interesting is that my butch friends kind of think the same thing.
> 
> If a person wants you, I mean really wants you, that person will raise the bar to your standards. And if he or she doesn't...MOVE ON. That isn't something that should be negotiated or something to kid ourselves about.
> 
> ...



I agree with this. You get what you expect. I had an add up on CL and some dating sites until just recently. I got real live actual dates. They didn't pan out into anything long term but I did end up friends with one of them. Very nice dates to be honest...well worth the "hold out" and "sorting" through the many jokers in the mix to get to the real guys that will actually take you out and be a gentleman. (the one guy that came into my job and asked me out turned into an octopus.....so the guys I met from the online sites actually turned out to be much nicer)

I have no patience with the impatient. I shut down guys that get sexual too fast. 
I never sleep with men on the first date....it's bad protocol in my eyes...and it lets me know right up front what they want. If they want me, they can call me back. If they don't call me back? It's okay because I enjoyed the time out. Easy enough...I'm worth it. 

I categorize them mentally....just like they categorize us.

There are the ones worth the effort/time, those that are okay to chat about nothing with on occasion ..... and asshats that need to be dropped from my radar. It works for me.......I don't let myself get used this way and I'm happier for it.

I had some ask me about "FWB"....so I eventually put on my ads something to the effect that I DO NOT DO FWB and to move on- gentlemen only .....I said I will be your friend or I will be your lover....PICK ONE  
Funny...as off-putting as some men might find that, I still got approached and still went out on dates.


----------



## NoWayOut (Feb 28, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> What year Subaru?



2000. Any more questions?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 28, 2009)

NoWayOut said:


> 2000. Any more questions?



If it's got a stick.....how big is it? :batting:


----------



## NoWayOut (Mar 1, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> If it's got a stick.....how big is it? :batting:



It doesn't. Automatic.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 1, 2009)

Doesn't sound like much of a challenge......


----------



## NoWayOut (Mar 1, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Doesn't sound like much of a challenge......



It's a car, it's not supposed to be a challenge. If it's a challenge, something is not right.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 1, 2009)

So much for metaphors and random teasing/flirtations


----------



## grandecafe1 (Mar 1, 2009)

This thread made me a little sad...because I think dating has gone the way of dinosaurs and it is a lost art.

First - I must ask those who said there are plenty of FA's, *where do you live?* Because I have lived in many major cities (NYC, DC, San Francisco nd currently Minneapolis) and I have not found *lots* of FA's. So please help a sister out and give me little tip on where to find FA"s. 

Next I am a mix of old fashion meets new way of thinking. I grew up in a household with both my grandparents (Old fashion & romantic) and a few genuine hippies( free spirit, sexually and mentally open), so I have mixed views on everything. I have a strong sense of self worth and I am confident in my sexuality/ sensual self. I also do not want to sleep with a guy on the first 5 dates (random number). I want to get to know him and _I want him to want to get to know me_. I love sex and think it can be powerful and a wonderful sharing experience, but I want to share it with someone I have an connection/investment with. I love the experience and (old fashion?) act of dating. Spending time getting to know one another - the process of discovery & communication. Investment achieved at a level of depth and intimacy that can only be reach with time and through revealing yourself to each other.

These ideas are not popular in today's grab and go society. So I am single and can't get past a lot first dates. 

I am honest and tell guys, I am not gonna sleep with you... we meet up and they they are surprised that I meant it. I still keep hope alive that I will meet my gentleman for the 21st century one day. Someone who shares my varied ideas or at least will be open enough to accept our differences. Until then I have an extremely full and happy life, sans man or love..... oh well.

* Side note I have have been blessed & had 3 awesome relationships in my life, all completely different. I share this because I know that there are all kinds of folks out there and if you want to date ( or whatever you are looking for) you can find it but have to be patient! I have to say that the dating portion has been in the hundreds and LOTS of just first dates.

Keep hope alive! lol!!


----------



## NoWayOut (Mar 1, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> So much for metaphors and random teasing/flirtations



Yeah, I'm too serious for that. Sorry.


----------



## Tracii (Mar 1, 2009)

I too am more old school as far as dating goes.I'm 36 and Bi so having the both genders to choose from is a plus.
I do like to be asked out as a way the get better aquainted.
Never done it online it just seems too impersonal.
Guys still ask which is a good sign that dating isn't dead.
Dating to some is just too much hassle I love it!


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Mar 2, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> there is a way to add sexuality into the mix without being "desperate" lol. Also, nude pictures don't make a person desperate either. I'm far from desperate  I think it's a matter of being a mature person who understands that yes there is almost always some degree of sexuality involved in male/female relations but there's also a way to go about it without being an ass and treating the person like a human being rather than a piece of ass.
> 
> Saying that nude pictures CAUSE a man to behave a certain way is pretty ridiculous to me really. of course they get a reaction, but a man is in control of himself. There are plenty of men who see nude pictures. But to say that nude pictures cause them to behave a certain way towards all women..well...i think that's silly really.
> 
> ...




I am not going to suggest that there is anything wrong with nude pictures. They can add a spice to a relationship, but they have their place.

I am sure you may not agree, but we send out messages to people by the way we act, by the clothes we wear, and by how we advertise ourselves. What I am saying here is if you start sending out nude pics at the outset, the man will assueme that the woman is easy and act on that assumption.

I do not condone disrespectful behavior. I am simply explaining some of the things that go on in the male brain.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Mar 2, 2009)

I think it's better to go on several dates with that person before getting sexual. It's best to take time to get to know the person. Relationships based on sex tend not to last long.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 2, 2009)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I am not going to suggest that there is anything wrong with nude pictures. They can add a spice to a relationship, but they have their place.
> 
> I am sure you may not agree, but we send out messages to people by the way we act, by the clothes we wear, and by how we advertise ourselves. What I am saying here is if you start sending out nude pics at the outset, the man will assueme that the woman is easy and act on that assumption.
> 
> I do not condone disrespectful behavior. I am simply explaining some of the things that go on in the male brain.


LOL. 

Um...Largenlovely is a paysite model. 

...


----------



## olwen (Mar 2, 2009)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I am not going to suggest that there is anything wrong with nude pictures. They can add a spice to a relationship, but they have their place.
> 
> I am sure you may not agree, but we send out messages to people by the way we act, by the clothes we wear, and by how we advertise ourselves. What I am saying here is if you start sending out nude pics at the outset, the man will assueme that the woman is easy and act on that assumption.
> 
> I do not condone disrespectful behavior. I am simply explaining some of the things that go on in the male brain.



It's funny. I'm reading this post and thinking, well in cultures where nudity isn't that big a deal women aren't assumed to be free wheeling desperate sluts, while, in a society where nudity is verboten, she's broken....take that same women from one society and transfer her to the other and what would happen? It just amazes me that women are expected to be pure and virtuous all the time. That's a pretty tall order.




Hmmmm.....what about the guy who sends out pics of his dick and naked torso and ass at the outset? Would you assume he's broken too or merely crass? I have never asked a guy - do you have a pic of your cock, yet they'd ask me if I wanted to see it (pics like that are frankly boring to me). And I never once assumed he was desperate for wanting to do so either. I just think - he's horny. And for a guy that is exactly why he's sending the pic, so it makes sense from a man's point of view for a woman who sends nude pics to have the same exact reason he does, but sometimes it's quite the opposite. She might not care at all about sex, but just likes the attention. She could just like to be a tease, and it's funny to me how guys would get pissed off about that. Maybe if you all could control yourselves a little better, you'd be able to see, hey sometimes this has nothing to do with sex or desperation at all. Sometimes it's just about the power of knowing the guy knows you're sexy, and there just shouldn't be anything wrong with that. Sexual attention shouldn't necessarily be moralized if it's harmless. What's troublesome to me is when women do things sexually that they don't like to do or do want to do, just to get a guy to like her. That's something altogether different. In a case like that the woman's sexuality is being repressed to a point where she can't say - hey THIS is what I want. Eliminating these double standards would go a long way to changing that mindset.


----------



## CleverBomb (Mar 2, 2009)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> LOL.
> 
> Um...Largenlovely is a paysite model.
> 
> ...


Coffee? This is Keyboard.
Keyboard? Coffee.

Oh, I see you've already met...

-Rusty


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 2, 2009)

olwen said:


> Hmmmm.....what about the guy who sends out pics of his dick and naked torso and ass at the outset? Would you assume he's broken too or merely crass?* I have never asked a guy - do you have a pic of your cock,* yet they'd ask me if I wanted to see it (pics like that are frankly boring to me). And I never once assumed he was desperate for wanting to do so either. I just think - he's horny.




I thought all us women asked for cock pics up front.....was I wrong??????? :doh: :blush:


----------



## olwen (Mar 2, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I thought all us women asked for cock pics up front.....was I wrong??????? :doh: :blush:



LOL...I got nuthin.


----------



## TygerKitty (Mar 5, 2009)

Dating? What's that again? :huh:


----------



## TallFatSue (Mar 5, 2009)

My dating experiences more than 3 decades ago may be of no help whatsoever in the 21st Century, but methinx that the more things change, the more they stay the same. After all, opening up our souls via e-mail or chat rooms is not so different from passing notes or talking on the phone, or even the medieval practise of serenading our sweethearts with poetry and music. Technology has definitely has made it much easier to get to know more people than ever, but it has also introduced some serious pitfalls.

Despite my mother's dire warnings that I was too tall and that "boys don't make passes at girls with fat asses", I had no lack of male interest in high school and university. Good thing my boobs were as well endowed as my belly and butt. Too bad most of my dates fell into 2 categories: "You'd be so beautiful if you lost 100lb." and "Wow, I love fat girls, what's your name again?" At least my fat helped me filter out those jerks pretty quickly. But eventually I began to believe my mother's pronouncements like, "You're wayyyy too fat ever to find a good husband, so you'd better get good grades and have a good career." On the other hand, my father kept telling me "Don't you worry, you'll be a very good catch for some lucky fellow." To which I replied, "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" 

After a few years of this, dating became more trouble than it was worth, so I spent my evenings buried in books. It never really was my priority to find a husband and get my "MRS" degree as we called it then. Wouldn't you know it, when I least expected it, that's when my Mr. Right practically fell into my lap, disguised as Mr. Wrong. It's amazing how our relationship evolved from open contempt for each other, to suspicion, to truce, to friendship and finally to romance. Yes indeedy, that's the screwball comedy method of dating. 

In 1977 I was 20 and Art was 18 going on 6. He was the younger brother of a classmate, and he kept turning up to annoy his sister. After a while, he decided that big tall fat Sue was an even better target, so he behaved like a royal jerk and told me every fat joke he knew. After a few months, methought he doth protest too much. Finally after one fat joke too many, I triple dared Art to take me on a date and behave like a gentleman. To my horror he accepted the challenge, and to my delight we had a wonderful evening. 'Twas then Art confessed that he had never dated a fat girl before, but my personality and intelligence intrigued him, so he overcompensated by telling me all those fat jokes. Luckily I resisted the urge to break a chair over his head. That would have been a waste of perfectly good furniture. 

Truth be told, I was worried to date someone who had no previous experience dating a girl even remotely as fat as I was. Luckily the poor clueless clod really tried his best, and we soon had an honest-to-goodness attraction for each other as persons. If my package contained a few hundred pounds of extra body fat, well, Art was more than happy to embrace my fat as often as possible, as soon as he figured out how to put his arms around it.  And if he happened to be a socially-inept engineering nerd, well, I was willing to take him under my wing. Sometimes taking him under my wing also involved putting him into wrestling headlocks. But he seemed to enjoy that as much as those occasions when I told him to kiss my ass. 

My mother could hardly believe that Art was seriously interested in me, and she even asked him, "Doesn't it bother you that my daughter is so fat?" On the other hand, my father and Art got along great from the beginning. Art's friends couldn't understand what he saw in me, until he finally asked them, "You tell me. What do you look for in a woman, or doesn't it matter as long as she's not fat?" Art's parents accepted me with open arms, although it was obvious that I was even bigger than they expected. And although I didn't know it at the time, they didn't like Art's previous girlfriends, so I seemed pretty good by comparison. Even so, at first it kinda sorta seemed that Art's parents regarded me as a some exotic form of life, and their hugs were thinly-disguised attempts to feel what a girl overflowing with fat really felt like. I could see where Art got his social ineptitude. But their hearts were in the right place, and if Art's parents wanted to hug me in the name of fat education, they could go right ahead. 

Now Art & I have been married almost 27 years, so all's well that ends well. Probably the best part about our wedding day was watching my mother beam with pride while trying not to admit she was just plain wrong about my being "wayyyy too fat ever to find a good husband." Oh, and Art managed to wear matching socks too. :smitten:


----------



## Cors (Mar 5, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I thought all us women asked for cock pics up front.....was I wrong??????? :doh: :blush:



Pictures are misleading! Beware of the fat cock angles!


----------



## rachael (Mar 5, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> But eventually I began to believe my mother's pronouncements like, "You're wayyyy too fat ever to find a good husband, so you'd better get good grades and have a good career."



That is how i always felt! I worked very hard in school because i thought i would always have to be smarter and wittier than all the other girls because i was fat. :doh: i've learned the errors of my ways though. this was an AWESOME story!!!!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 5, 2009)

Cors said:


> Pictures are misleading! Beware of the fat cock angles!



I make 'em lay it out beside a dollar bill.......


----------



## Victim (Mar 5, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I make 'em lay it out beside a dollar bill.......



What do you say to those you reject?

"Keep the change, buddy."


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 5, 2009)

Victim said:


> What do you say to those you reject?
> 
> "Keep the change, buddy."





No, I just tell them size doesn't matter, spend oodles amount of time to convince them I am not shallow and that I can dig a smaller peenie....say good night, delete them out of my address book and never talk to them again....but not before I say "We will talk again....soon"

Uber smooth, ain't I?


----------



## Tania (Mar 5, 2009)

I don't think dating's dead, but I do think it's changed. There are at least two complete generations of guys (and probably girls, too) that are kinda shaky on traditional dating etiquette (and probably good manners in general), and that leads to a LOT of confusion and some offense. The sexual revolution and the internet have no doubt contributed to the phenomenon, but I'm sure it has a lot to do with contemporary parenting, as well. 

On one hand, I think it's great that people can pretty much live life on their own terms these days, but with greater independence comes more isolation and in some cases, less sensitivity to the emotional well-being of others. Even though culturally-sanctioned procedures and traditions can be stifling bores, they also lend structure to life and provide the social lubricant necessary to keep misunderstandings and drama to a minimum (ideally). When everybody understands the language of the process, nobody gets confused or offended. 

My parents never really "taught me how to date." Part of this was because they were socially-progressive, but a BIGGER part of it was the fact that they met when they were teenagers and never really had to navigate the typical dating jungle. Further, my mom is hugely anti-fashion, anti-beauty, and anti-doing-anything-because-boys-like-it because her sister was a perfect '50s homecoming queen. I got crap about my weight, but that was pretty much it. So, when i got to college, I had to pretty much educate and reinvent myself based on what I *thought* was necessary to survive socially. When it came to conducting relationships and friendships, and reading situations and people, I assumed that everyone approached these things as I ideally sought to - honestly and kindly. Add to the mix my "pleaser" personality, and you have a recipe for disaster. As a result, I have a pretty shitty sense of self. I don't hate myself anymore, but still have a LOAD of trouble judging how well I'm doing, how I look, how the hell I rate with others, and why, precisely, any of that matters. 

I still don't understand what makes most guys tick. Hell, it wasn't until this past year that I realized that all men aren't programmed to crave thin women. Further, I'm often flabbergasted by some of the rude shit people propagate in the course of getting to know others. In all, not conducive to happy dating. Color me naive and altruistic, I guess.


----------



## enxtc (Mar 5, 2009)

As a bbw from a small rural area in KS, I have not dated much. i have had the booty call thing, but, at this point in my life, I dont want that. I would love to find someone that wanted to come and pick me up and take me out for coffee, dinner or a movie.


----------



## enxtc (Mar 5, 2009)

okay that came at the wrong time! 
I think men are more worried about their size than we are. And it has always been my experience, he who brags about what he has, usually has nothing to brag about


----------



## mergirl (Mar 6, 2009)

Cors said:


> Pictures are misleading! Beware of the fat cock angles!


hahahahahahaha...i wish i hadnt used up all my rep!
Think i found me a new sig line!!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 6, 2009)

mergirl said:


> hahahahahahaha...i wish i hadnt used up all my rep!
> Think i found me a new sig line!!



Heck yeah....I tried again and still can't get her :doh:


----------



## TygerKitty (Mar 7, 2009)

Victim said:


> What do you say to those you reject?
> 
> "Keep the change, buddy."



 That's hilarious!


----------



## Tracii (Mar 7, 2009)

In the breakroom at work a couple of guys were talking about wives/Gf's and one was obviousy struggleing with a king size boner and it was sooo funny watching him I couldn't help myself and had to laugh out loud.
So I said what are you going to do with that thing when it grows up.He was devestated I could tell so I said sorry honey I think its cute, OMG that made it worse and the guys broke out in a howl.
I've recieved cock pics in email form rate them from 1 to 10 and then delete.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 7, 2009)

Tracii said:


> In the breakroom at work a couple of guys were talking about wives/Gf's and one was obviousy struggleing with a king size boner and it was sooo funny watching him I couldn't help myself and had to laugh out loud.
> So I said what are you going to do with that thing when it grows up.He was devestated I could tell so I said sorry honey I think its cute, OMG that made it worse and the guys broke out in a howl.
> *I've recieved cock pics in email form rate them from 1 to 10 and then delete.*




If you actually email them back your rating before the deletion, you're my new hero :wubu: :bow:


----------



## exile in thighville (Mar 7, 2009)

the biggest issue with "dating fat" i've encountered since properly "joining" the community last year, is that going to bashes presents you with an exciting array of comely and interesting members of the attractive sex, and you have about a weekend to meet someone and decide whether you take a next step. do you sleep together? your time together is limited, but you risk coming off cheap. and if they live halfway around the world, is there a point? then there's the incest factor; a lot of attendees have courted someone you know at some point. do you blackball them? it's a limited pool. tough questions.


----------



## exile in thighville (Mar 8, 2009)

Tracii said:


> In the breakroom at work a couple of guys were talking about wives/Gf's and one was obviousy struggleing with a king size boner and it was sooo funny watching him I couldn't help myself and had to laugh out loud.
> So I said what are you going to do with that thing when it grows up.He was devestated I could tell so I said sorry honey I think its cute, OMG that made it worse and the guys broke out in a howl.
> I've recieved cock pics in email form rate them from 1 to 10 and then delete.



what the hell


----------



## mossystate (Mar 8, 2009)

This calls for......



LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL....* breathes *.....LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I love this place.


:happy:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 8, 2009)

exile in thighville said:


> what the hell


Pay attention Dan....she is my hero


----------



## exile in thighville (Mar 10, 2009)

how do you rate a cock from 1 to 10 in some way other than using a ruler


----------



## Carrie (Mar 10, 2009)

By nutsack tautness?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 10, 2009)

exile in thighville said:


> how do you rate a cock from 1 to 10 in some way other than using a ruler



Some are just awful damn funny looking Dan....no matter what size. 



Gawd knows I luvs to see a beautiful cawk :wubu:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 10, 2009)

Carrie said:


> By nutsack tautness?




Oh you HAD to go there, didn't ya? Do you realize what you have done???? :doh: :blush:


----------



## Carrie (Mar 10, 2009)

If I have caused yet another thread to degenerate into cock comments, I'll shoot myself, I can tell you that much. :doh:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 10, 2009)

Carrie said:


> If *I have caused* yet *another thread to *de*generate into cock comments*, I'll shoot myself, I can tell you that much. :doh:



:wubu::wubu::kiss2::smitten::bow:


----------



## TygerKitty (Mar 11, 2009)

exile in thighville said:


> how do you rate a cock from 1 to 10 in some way other than using a ruler



You do realize there is a whole website where all you do is rate cocks??? You can rate pretty much anything online these days it seems...


----------



## Tracii (Mar 11, 2009)

Well I feel I shoud clarify why I posted that comment.
The skinny guy with the kingsized boner was listening to the other guy talk about sex with his large wife.
The cock emails from this day forward will be rated 1-10 and sent back to the sender that should be pretty funny.I'll let you know how that turns out.
Such a great idea GEF.You are the best.


----------



## psychdocva (Mar 11, 2009)

Why not have a singles thread? My trouble is that there are literally so few BBW's/SSBBW's of any quality in my area, it's almost impossible to date...much less fall in love. Wish I lived in Cali, or AZ, or Michigan, or Ohio...


----------



## NoWayOut (Mar 11, 2009)

Carrie said:


> If I have caused yet another thread to degenerate into cock comments, I'll shoot myself, I can tell you that much. :doh:



I think it did that long before you said anything.


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Mar 11, 2009)

_*OMG! I have just read everything in this thread and all I can say is:

*__*:wubu::wubu: I love you guys - I really do! :wubu::wubu:

*__* When I stop laughing I'll try to contribute something useful..*_​


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 11, 2009)

psychdocva said:


> Why not have a singles thread? My trouble is that there are literally so few BBW's/SSBBW's of any quality in my area, it's almost impossible to date...much less fall in love. Wish I lived in Cali, or AZ, or Michigan, or Ohio...



There is a singles thread...in the lounge. We all meet up there to complain about not finding a date


----------

