# Married but not dead thread.



## stan_der_man (Apr 23, 2007)

I was just curious about the other married folks here on the web boards (or those going steady), why you enjoy Dimensions, what it is that interests you, and what your spouses (or sig. others) think of you being on the Dims boards (dare I say... if they know at all...) Also if your spouses are on the Dim boards, who they are... (Maybe they'll chime in too!)


So here's my story...

I am in fact a married guy. I have been on the Dimensions boards for a long time (pretty much since the beginning, initially just lurking...), but only recently have I become more active. I guess the main reason that I became active again on the Dims Boards, is that my wife and I have fallen out of the NAAFA / size acceptance scene since after getting married. I miss hanging around the "fat folks"; we have met many great people, made good friends, and had lots of fun adventures in the size acceptance scene. My wife and I met at a Big Difference Dance (L.A. area), and attended them (also More 2 Luv dances) for a while afterwards, but eventually life led us other directions. We used to be active in our local NAAFA chapter until it basically went defunct following the death of one of the chapter's founding members. I used to maintain our website (for those who remember my lousy HTML and podunk sense of humor.) I didn't particularly tell my wife that I was on the Dimensions Boards, but I didn't hide it from her either. She recently joined herself, has been lurking, and posts here and there. I think she was initially (or may still be) apprehensive about me being on the Dim boards. No doubt she finds my posts enlightening and mind numbing at the same time...  Maybe she can embellish upon this more...

I mostly hang out on these boards:

Main Dims Board
The Lounge
Weight Board
The Clubhouse

My wife is "mtnmaiden":
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/member.php?u=10002

fa_man_stan


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## Risible (Apr 23, 2007)

I'm married but not dead.

I have a history with the SA world that goes back to 1988 or so. I was heavily involved with NAAFA, served as chairperson of Los Angeles chapter of NAAFA for a couple years, attended many Mor2Luv and Big Difference dances here, all until about 1996, when I bought a house and was too broke, and too married to the house to have much of a social life.

My hubby, Biodieselman, has lurked on the Dims site for a few years now, since the magazine stopped coming. Just last summer he made his first post; it was a joint effort. After a month or so of posting under his username, I finally got my own account and began my own posts.

Like you, Stan, I missed the fat crowd and wanted to connect with it again. Bio and I enjoy our time here on Dims and often discuss the latest Hyde Park scandal. We share the same opinions and values on many things, but not all, and if he makes a post, I try to refrain from posting behind him and contradicting him (I did contradict him once and he still calls me a "traitor." I can't even remember what the topic was). He has on occasion given me an urgent call from work, tipping me off to a hot new thread topic; in return I review his posts for spelling and grammar before submitting them. Oh, and he really likes taking pix of me for the SYSFADD threads in the Clubhouse. I'm working on him to show a little more skin in his SYS pix...


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## EtobicokeFA (Apr 23, 2007)

Fellow married guy here. I have been on these boards since the nineties. I come here to keep in touch with the community! 

My wife knows and doesn't mind me being on here. 

*Looks over shoulder to see if alone!*

 Just kidding, she doesn't mind at all! She is just not into the hole on-line community thing. She prefers socializing in person. 

Back in Toronto we meet at a local group that is now defunct. Of course, a lot of BBW stuff became defunct in Toronto. We just move to the New England so, we are trying to get back into the whole BBW parties.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 23, 2007)

Well, I'm not married, but I do have a question for the married men on the boards. Are all of you married FAs married to BBW or SSBBW? Or is that your preference, but fell in love with your spouse even though she is not a BBW or SSBBW?


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## ScreamingChicken (Apr 23, 2007)

Very marrried (12 years come June) and plenty of pulse. 

I am married to a beautiful BBW. I have been an FA probably since I was 10 when I joined, at my mom's behest, the Society for Creative Anachronism. The woman to whom I was a page was a beautiful, intelligent, strong willed SSBBW. Yep, that got the ball rolling.


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## Missy9579 (Apr 23, 2007)

I have been doing the dimensions thing for almost 4 years now. I have had my BF just that long. We live together.

I enjoy coming home from a long day at work and popping on to read the boards, or going into chat. I dont chat as much as I just watch. I dont have many friends around this area and sort of use chat as my social outlet. My BF doesnt mind , nor does he care (lol I am a former BigCutie!). Sometimes I have had someone say "Well , if i had a BF I wouldnt be in chat." And maybe we are abnormal, but he comes home from work later, at about 9:30, we eat dinner together, have some chit chat about our days, watch some COPS on the Tivo, and then do our own thing. He is a BIG gamer, World of Warcraft, Half life 2, and so on, and enjoys playing, and Im a big chat watcher. We sit next to each other while on the computer...he at a desk top, me on the couch with my laptop, we converse, but just, do our own thing. I wouldnt want to sit and just do nothing. Somedays we skip the computer, and pop in a movie. It works for us. He has his forums he goes to GWJ (gamers know this one)....none size related. A long time ago, like, 4 years ago he would occasionally chat in chat, but not in the last many many years.

There, thats our story and we are sticking to it!!


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## stan_der_man (Apr 23, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Well, I'm not married, but I do have a question for the married men on the boards. Are all of you married FAs married to BBW or SSBBW? Or is that your preference, but fell in love with your spouse even though she is not a BBW or SSBBW?



Speaking for myself, I met Mtnmaiden at the local "big girl" parties. I've always been attracted to large women, I honestly think I was born with that preference. I'm never quite sure of the definitions... My wife was probably considered a SSBBW when we married, now she is a BBW.

Stan


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## Miss Vickie (Apr 23, 2007)

I'm married (very!) and have been involved with Dimensions for the better part of a decade. On the old boards I posted as Sirensong. My sweetie has since started posting on the new boards, and his name is Burtimus; he has a love/hate relationship with the Time Suck that is Hyde Park.  I mostly hang out at HP as well as the WLS board, clothing and fashion, food, and the lounge. The only place I don't hang out much is the Paysite Board, the BHM board (though I should check it out since he's a BHM), and the Weight Board.

I am (or was, and still am to a lesser extent I guess) a big gal (was a SSBBW and now I'm... what I don't know at a size 14), and he's a big guy. Neither of us expresses an interest in a certain body type, and in fact when we met he was 6'2" and 135 pounds, much thinner than he is now, whereas I've been a lot bigger and am now back to my high school weight. 

He's loved me at all my crazy weights, as I have loved him as well. We're not terribly involved in SA other than in our respective fields providing respectful care to people of all sizes and trying to walk the walk of fat not being unhealthy, slovenly or lazy.


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## Theatrmuse/Kara (Apr 23, 2007)

I am married and yes, I , too, have a strong pulse!

I have been married to the same man (off and on) for almost 31 years. I have always been a BBW.....a Supersized BBW for the past 15 years or so. My husband David and I have been a NAAFA members since the early 80's, both have served on the NAAFA Board of Directors and I am a past Co-Chairperson. Once we left that NAAFA Board a few years back; Iwe have not attended all the annual conventions and missed having contact with our BBW/FA friends. I also have a LOT more time and wanted to reconnect with friends here on Dimensions and make more!

I enjoy Dimensions forums because of the sheer numbers of posters and variety of topics. My husband doesn't DO chat or forums.........just not his style. I am a real people person and enjoy the freedom of communication through a computer community!

My 2 cents, Kara

PS: Ain't he a cutie patootie??? 

View attachment wedding 006.jpg


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## Punkin1024 (Apr 23, 2007)

I am married. Hubby and I will celebrate our 29th year together in November. Hubby is not an FA, though when we met, he did say he prefers girls with a little more meat on their bones. I am 4' 11-1/2 " and currently around 230 to 240 lbs. When hubby and I met, I weighed around 130 (still considered overweight for my height). I came to DIMS several years back to find an active size acceptance group and just to meet people and make friends. Hubby does know about DIMS, and, yes, sometimes he has misgivings about my being here. I am slowly getting him to see that this is a great on-line community and he has even had me post questions. So, I believe he feels this is a good outlet for me. I mainly hang out at this forum, but I have popped into the Foodee board and the Fashion board, and ...oh, I check the Main Board regularly and post when I have something I feel I can contribute. Anyway, that is my story, in a nutshell.

~Punkin


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## Zandoz (Apr 24, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> I was just curious about the other married folks here on the web boards (or those going steady), why you enjoy Dimensions, what it is that interests you, and what your spouses (or sig. others) think of you being on the Dims boards (dare I say... if they know at all...) Also if your spouses are on the Dim boards, who they are... (Maybe they'll chime in too!)





Violet_Beauregard said:


> Well, I'm not married, but I do have a question for the married men on the boards. Are all of you married FAs married to BBW or SSBBW? Or is that your preference, but fell in love with your spouse even though she is not a BBW or SSBBW?



Married 10+ years to a wonderful BBW. She is the one who introduced me to Dimensions...both times. When we met (online, in a BBW chat) she was a Dimensions subscriber, and she would show me the magazines. Shortly after we married, she found her way to Dim Chat, and before long was lobbying for me to get in there to. I did, and we both greatly enjoyed Dim Chat for a year or so before changes in AOL made the site unusable for us. Fast forward to sometime around 5 years ago...in the interim, we'd both been frequenters to a few BBW related IRC channels...all of which seemed to implode after a couple years. After the last implosion, I was not online much at all, but she was...and somehow she stumbled across Dim Chat again. And again, the campaign began to get me in there...and again I followed her lead and really enjoyed the place. About that time was also when she started to get involved in online gaming, and quickly her computer time switched from chat to games, and that's pretty much her passion now.

Basically I ended up here in the forums out of curiosity. I kept seeing people mention them in chat, and decided to check them out.

Does my wife know I'm on here and chat? Yes...she actively encourages it...more so now that it is really my main link with the world outside our house and yard.

Does she know how I conduct myself here and in chat? Yes...during non-working hours, she is usually sitting withing 4 feet of me, on her computer, with a clear view of mine...and frequently comments on and asks about what she sees.

What is her chat/forum name(s)? I have no clue! LOL She is one who like to change her names as the spirit moves her (not uncommonly minute to minute), and is so seldom doing anything online but her games that she never remembers her names from one time to the next. If you want to know about her from someone other than me (yes, I know, verify verify verify), ask our dear friend QtPatootie...she knows her from back in her pre-gaming days when we were in IRC.

For me the chat and forums are kind of like online Cheers...great to have a place to go where everybody knows your name. And I'll add "and they don't see being fat as a pariah". 

View attachment zan&pamwedday.jpg


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## alienlanes (Apr 24, 2007)

ScreamingChicken said:


> Very marrried (12 years come June) and plenty of pulse.
> 
> I am married to a beautiful BBW. I have been an FA probably since I was 10 when I joined, at my mom's behest, the Society for Creative Anachronism. The woman to whom I was a page was a beautiful, intelligent, strong willed SSBBW. Yep, that got the ball rolling.



Single guy here, but I love this story!


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## DeniseW (Apr 24, 2007)

I'm married, 2 years yesterday, and I come here all the time and yes my husband knows. I go on chat too but not to meet other guys, just to chat with others in the bbw community. We're very active in the size acceptance community and this is just one more aspect of it. If he was more computer savvey, I'm sure he'd be here too.


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## Aliena (Apr 24, 2007)

Very married, but like Screaming Chicken, plenty of pulse! 

My husband knows I come here and doesn't mind in the least. In fact, I'm trying to get him to sign up, but he doesn't much like forums, because of his grammatical handicaps. (like I'm perfect or something) 
Anyhoot, we both are very honest and open with each other. We both love to flirt and wink; doing so often. 

We've been married for 4 years this last March and have been together for almost 5. We met on the naafa pages, when he sent me a PM asking about the area I lived in. 
He's my best friend, confident, and lover. :wubu: 
We're on an amazing journey together and I've been truly blessed and privleged to be sharing the same path with him. 

View attachment P3310051 (600 x 449).jpg


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 24, 2007)

CUTE, CUTE, CUTE !!!    





Aliena said:


> Very married, but like Screaming Chicken, plenty of pulse!
> 
> My husband knows I come here and doesn't mind in the least. In fact, I'm trying to get him to sign up, but he doesn't much like forums, because of his grammatical handicaps. (like I'm perfect or something)
> Anyhoot, we both are very honest and open with each other. We both love to flirt and wink; doing so often.
> ...


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## BBW Betty (Apr 24, 2007)

Married about 4 1/2 years now. My husband actually introduced me to Dims. He still lurks and reads the stories, I'm more the interactive type. I have never gone into chat, but I really like these boards. Mostly I'm on the main board and lounge, with fewer and fewer forays into Hyde Park. I also sometimes peek at Clothing and Fashion and the Foodee Board.


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## Tina (Apr 24, 2007)

Hi Betty! Haven't seen you around much lately -- good to see you.  I am engaged to be married next month. I met my future husband, biggie, here on Dims many years ago. So yeah, he knows I'm here.  We often talk about things on the board, but he's not much of a frequent poster himself. I tend to check out most of the boards, though not ChitChat or the Library so much.

What interests me is the many close friendships I have made over the years, the interesting, fun, passionate, kind and informative discussions that are had here. 

I have to say that I am thrilled at the number of previously lurking posters this new board format has brought out of hiding. Wonderful.


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## jamie (Apr 25, 2007)

I am in the shacked-up-but-not-dead clan. I met my boyfriend 5 years, 1 week and 3 days ago and I don't think there has been a day since then that we have not at least talked to one another. We met through Dims, although I don't think we ever once communicated through here. He got my email from here on the old boards and sent me a purty email kinda thing and the rest is history. Ups-downs/ons-offs, we are still very happily together and living in sin.

We spend a lot of time together. He is the network administrator and I am the IT director for the same company. We have lived together for the past three years and pretty much end up spending 24/7 together. Work recently bought new property and he has started spending more time at the corporate office, not the actual clinic, where I am. People have expressed a lot of surprise that one can exist with out the other, and I think that is the answer to why I am here.

I have been coming here since 2000 and have met a lot of wonderful people. I like talking with people that are living completely different and much more fascinating lives than I am. It gives me a place to talk about things that my friends either give me a hard time about, or my boyfriend just doesn't want to be bothered by. He loves computer and car sites....I can't think of anything more boring...however I find him fascinating. When I get home, I generally want to just unplug for a while and this place is full of fun fodder to unwind with, while allowing him his space to unwind with the Mini site. 

Oh, and there are lots of cuties here. I have never had so many girl crushes in my life...where else can you find such amazing women and gents.


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## stan_der_man (Apr 25, 2007)

It's great hearing about you guys, your spouses and knowing there are other married folks on these boards who enjoy being here! Seeing your beautiful pictures motivated me to post some of our wedding pics too!

P.S. Tina, no doubt we'll be seeing some wedding pics of you guys pretty soon!  

Stan


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 25, 2007)

Stan, what lovely pictures!! You and Mtnmaiden look so happy.... congratulations!


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## Risible (Apr 25, 2007)

So many lovely wedding photos! I love seeing them; thought I should probably add ours... 

View attachment wedding photo resized.jpg


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## EtobicokeFA (Apr 25, 2007)

Don't want to be left out!

View attachment Ula & Tom 2.jpg


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 25, 2007)

LOVELY pics..... beautifuly happy couples....... I'm envious....





Risible said:


> So many lovely wedding photos! I love seeing them; thought I should probably add ours...





EtobicokeFA said:


> Don't want to be left out!
> 
> View attachment 18825


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## Theatrmuse/Kara (Apr 25, 2007)

CUTE. CUTE. Cute!

I am LOVING seeing all these couple pictures!:wubu: 
Hugs, Kara


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## Cat (Apr 25, 2007)

Don't wanna confuse the single folks who may be looking...marriage isn't all about pretty flowers and white dresses. It's a wild mix of emotions! Like a road trip through the southwest desert, the windows rolled down and with his grown kids...


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## Cat (Apr 25, 2007)

And then there are the days when you wonder just which one of you was actually beamed down to Earth from another planet.


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## Ruby Ripples (Apr 25, 2007)

Cat said:


> And then there are the days when you wonder just which one of you was actually beamed down to Earth from another planet.



wow fantastic pics, what fun you all had on that trip its clear!


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## Cat (Apr 25, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> wow fantastic pics, what fun you all had on that trip its clear!




Thanks, RR! It was mostly fun, 'tis true. There were a few stressful times...like ending up in the middle of nowhere Nevada in a little town 200 miles from the next little town...and the hotels were all booked up! Dang rodeo!


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## Tina (Apr 25, 2007)

Cat, you always have the funnest pics. Looks like you have a great little family there, and not a stuffy one in the bunch. 

Yep, Stan, I will have a pic to add later next month. Woo hooo!! Your wife is beautiful, and you handsome -- though I have to say, you're one of those lucky people who gets even better-looking as you get older.


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## MissToodles (Apr 25, 2007)

I'm not married but as Jamie wrote 'shacked up'. I've been reading this board almost 8 years now and guess it's part of my daily routine. The quality and the sheer amount of cool posters has also increased since the switch-over. Okay that is not a backhanded compliment, because yes they did exist beforehand. 
My s.o is well aware of my activities, but he rarely posts. I know he spends time reading Hyde Park. Somehow he always brings up things I've written ( I swear he doesn't work for the C.I.A). I met some incredible people through this website but only the last year or two. 

Here's a photo of the two us, back when I had cheekbones and he had a beard


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## stan_der_man (Apr 26, 2007)

Woohoo, this thread proves that us married and shacked up folks aren't old poopers after all! Again, great stories and beautiful pics!



Risible said:


> So many lovely wedding photos! I love seeing them; thought I should probably add ours...



Hey Risible, Was that pic taken at Guasti? It looks familiar... Beautiful pic of you and Bio!



Cat said:


> ... few stressful times...like ending up in the middle of nowhere Nevada in a little town 200 miles from the next little town...and the hotels were all booked up! Dang rodeo!



Oh yeah, I know the feeling... I once slept in my car outside of Beatty NV for the same reason, and it was miserable hot! You guys look like you have a marriage made in heaven (or outer space perhaps...)  Great pics!



Tina said:


> ... Your wife is beautiful, and you handsome -- though I have to say, you're one of those lucky people who gets even better-looking as you get older.



You are way too kind Tina! You're guy is one lucky man, he's gettin' himself a wonderful bride!


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## Risible (Apr 26, 2007)

Cat said:


> And then there are the days when you wonder just which one of you was actually beamed down to Earth from another planet.



I'm looking forward to our visit to the ET highway and the Little Alie- Inn sometime in the future. Isn't there a mailbox or something that UFO enthusiasts gather by to monitor for activity? I wanna get my pic taken by that, too.



fa_man_stan said:


> Hey Risible, Was that pic taken at Guasti? It looks familiar... Beautiful pic of you and Bio!



Thanks, Stan! Actually, I can't remember the name of the memorable place we were married/ had our reception at. Sometimes the name will come to me out of the blue, but right now I just can't pull it up. Chuck, of course, didn't even know the name of the place when we were there, so no point in asking him  . It is in Santa Ana, that much I remember.

Love your new avie. Be sure and tell Sarah what a nice job she did! I mean, it _*is*_ Sarah's drawing, isn't it?


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## Cat (Apr 26, 2007)

Risible, 
Don't blink, or you'll miss the mailbox. We saw what we believe to be the mailbox along the highway, but there wasn't a big sign or lights or even a parking spot. Just a black mailbox with the weeds mowed around it. 

There are a couple of other tourist traps that you should hit. You just never know who/what you might see! 

View attachment alienencounter.jpg


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 26, 2007)

Married but not dead:


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## EtobicokeFA (Apr 26, 2007)

Cat said:


> Risible,
> Don't blink, or you'll miss the mailbox. We saw what we believe to be the mailbox along the highway, but there wasn't a big sign or lights or even a parking spot. Just a black mailbox with the weeds mowed around it.
> 
> There are a couple of other tourist traps that you should hit. You just never know who/what you might see!



You caught ET!


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## Risible (Apr 26, 2007)

Cat said:


> Risible,
> Don't blink, or you'll miss the mailbox. We saw what we believe to be the mailbox along the highway, but there wasn't a big sign or lights or even a parking spot. Just a black mailbox with the weeds mowed around it.
> 
> There are a couple of other tourist traps that you should hit. You just never know who/what you might see!



What a super cool pic! Um, how did you do that again with the space-saucer thingey holding it up like?:huh:


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## Aliena (Apr 26, 2007)

Cat said:


> And then there are the days when you wonder just which one of you was actually beamed down to Earth from another planet.



Cat, these are fantastic pictures. My hubby has neve been on the west coast before, but we're planning a week in Las Vegas next summer. Yes, we plan on driving and with 2 senile old folks at that! (so it should be interesting) I have every intentions taking him down E.T. Highway. I'm going to show him these photos, he'll get a kick out of them. :happy: 

Thanks for sharing, it looks as though y'all had a great time!


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## Cat (Apr 26, 2007)

Risible, it's just a little bit of magic with the photo editing. I can't find the original to show ya the crane that was removed.  
Oh, crap, I mean to say that, it was real. Yeah, it was a real flying saucer! I just happened to jump up and get it! Crazy, huh? 

Aliena,
It's a fun trip out there, a lot of nothing and then a few humorous stops. I really wish I was there at night...I think that would make it more spooky. Even during the day, however, you never know what you might spot.... 

View attachment ethighwaysmallish.jpg


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## mimosa (Apr 27, 2007)

Love your pics! 





Cat said:


> Risible, it's just a little bit of magic with the photo editing. I can't find the original to show ya the crane that was removed.
> Oh, crap, I mean to say that, it was real. Yeah, it was a real flying saucer! I just happened to jump up and get it! Crazy, huh?
> 
> Aliena,
> It's a fun trip out there, a lot of nothing and then a few humorous stops. I really wish I was there at night...I think that would make it more spooky. Even during the day, however, you never know what you might spot....


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## Donna (Apr 27, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> I was just curious about the other married folks here on the web boards (or those going steady), why you enjoy Dimensions, what it is that interests you, and what your spouses (or sig. others) think of you being on the Dims boards (dare I say... if they know at all...) Also if your spouses are on the Dim boards, who they are... (Maybe they'll chime in too!)



Very happily married here....going on two years. I came to Dimensions Online about 6-7 years ago, after remembering the paper magazine. I was seperated from my first husband at the time and being a social creature, I was immediately drawn to the chatroom where I spent a lot of my free time before the new boards....

I question myself a lot these days about why I come here and what it is I am getting out of it. I have met some really great friends, so I guess that may be what keeps me coming back. That and curiousity about what others have to say about the whole 'fat experience'. There are so many divergent opinions, philosophies and personalities the come together here. It's a good reminder to me, I think, as my tendency is to wear blinders to anything 0utside my own experience. By coming here, it's a constant reminder that not everyone thinks or reacts to life the way I do---this is both a scary and a comforting thought.

My husband is registered, but I honestly couldn't tell you if he has ever logged in. His registered name is Chuckster320. I know he reads the boards from time to time, especially if he sees me puzzling over something I have read or hears me cursing under my breath at something that hacked me off. We often discuss some of the more controversial and/or political topics in Hyde Park. 

Here's a picture of us on our wedding day, September 4th, 2005. We did the very non-traditional wedding thing (I was barefoot) with a Justice of the Peace at our house on a Sunday afternoon.


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## Tina (Apr 27, 2007)

Donna, I love the way you and Chuck were married, very cool.  You two are such a great couple.


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## Damon (Apr 27, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Well, I'm not married, but I do have a question for the married men on the boards. Are all of you married FAs married to BBW or SSBBW? Or is that your preference, but fell in love with your spouse even though she is not a BBW or SSBBW?



My wife used to weigh about 300. She weighs about 200 now because she had WLS. I've always been more attracted to bigger woman. She used to wonder if I would still be attraced to her if she lost weight but I'm in love with HER so it doesn't really matter. I think our sex life has gotten better since she lost weight because now we're able to "do stuff".


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## bigplaidpants (Apr 27, 2007)

All great pics, guys. I'd post a wedding pic or two also, but Magnoliagrows is a local 6th grade teacher. We try to play it safe. Parents can be weird. (yes, we're parents, too) Keeping her face off the boards, I think, lets her more easily say what she wants to say. I think one of her posts help spawn the "Masterbation" thread.... 

Anyway..... <waives>

Magnoliagrows and I will be married 10 years this July. I stumbled onto Dim in the early 90's, about the same time I started dating Magnoliagrows. I never chatted or went on the boards, though. I was in college. It was the days of dial-up and I just didn't have the patience or access. I realize now that I really just missed the whole birth of the online community and dating thing.

We're mainly here b/c I'm a FA. But, Magnolia has also really enjoyed the boards, too. Dim has kinda become a meaningful community for both of us. I think I'm more the "Dimmer" though. I lurked here for years, on and off. I still don't know any other overt or "out" FA's. But, I must say, the boards have been important for Magnolia, i.e. getting other perspectives on my FA experience, as well as impacting how she accepts and thinks about herself as a fat girl. It's been important for both of us finding some sense of community in our hectic lives as parents and grad students. (We're both kinda the poor life-time learner types :huh: ) It was great going out with Ivy, Liz-(diva), and Hollyfo last month. We want to do it again with other Chicago Dimmers. I've also vowed to have a drink (of whatever type) with Stan...and wished it with many others. 

I love the connections I've made with some of you. *I'm really glad there are other married folk on the boards. *I'm routinely reminded how being married and a FA shapes my feelings and experiences differently than some of the younger unattached folk on the board. I deeply appreciate your presence, opinions, experiences, and wisdom.

<offers everyone coffee and a roll>

Thanks for the thread Stan....


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## Aliena (Apr 27, 2007)

Tina said:


> Donna, I love the way you and Chuck were married, very cool.  You two are such a great couple.



I agree. Donna and Chuck have a great love story. And they look fabulous together too.  


I would post a wedding picture of me and hubby, but we simply don't have one. Not one where I'm wearing a white dress and him a tux anyways. We were married in front of a judge; essentially eloping. 

We hope to one day have a renaissance wedding in the Smoky Mountains, but we shall see. 

Here's a couple of pics of us at our "wedding". 

View attachment waiting_for_dee_judge.jpg


View attachment we_are_gathered_here_today.jpg


----------



## stan_der_man (Apr 27, 2007)

Beautiful pics and stories all of you guys! I also liked the stories of you "shacked up" folks, that's basically the same thing to being married in many ways. It looks like you guys are happy and enjoying Dimensions. Sandie_Z you and Wayne look great, and you two look like a very happy couple! I loved those photo booth pics MissToodles! EtobicokeFA, beautiful pic of you and the Mrs!

Cat , You always have the funniest pics of the great adventures that you have!



Donnaalicious said:


> ...
> I question myself a lot these days about why I come here and what it is I am getting out of it. I have met some really great friends, so I guess that may be what keeps me coming back. That and curiousity about what others have to say about the whole 'fat experience'. There are so many divergent opinions, philosophies and personalities the come together here.
> ...



I think that's why I became more active again too. My wife was apprehensive about my being on Dimensions at first, but I think she was surprised by the diversity of things happening here, and is getting more comfortable with me being here and she is warming up. I mentioned this thread to her, maybe she'll her to post  (She has a nice new avatar BTW...)



Aliena said:


> ...
> We hope to one day have a renaissance wedding in the Smoky Mountains, but we shall see.
> 
> Here's a couple of pics of us at our "wedding".
> ...



The Smoky Mountains sound like a beautiful place to have a renaissance wedding!



bigplaidpants said:


> ...
> It was great going out with Ivy, Liz-(diva), and Hollyfo last month. We want to do it again with other Chicago Dimmers. I've also vowed to have a drink (of whatever type) with Stan...and wished it with many others.
> ...
> Thanks for the thread Stan....



I took a peek at the Chicago Dims get-together pictures earlier. You guys looked like you all had an nice fun evening! Definitely, one of these days we'll have a drink together like old men do  We can flip for who treats...

fa_man_stan


----------



## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 27, 2007)

*stomping foot with crossed arms* 

I want to post as married in this thread!!! Dammit!!! 












PS. Thanks for the reps Stan!!


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## Damon (Apr 27, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> *stomping foot with crossed arms*
> 
> I want to post as married in this thread!!! Dammit!!!
> 
> ...



you're a very good looking woman I'm suprised you arent married. do you live in a cave???


----------



## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 27, 2007)

Thank you.... no cave, but I'll give you the list that EVERYONE else says is why I am not married:

- too pushy
- too bossy
- too picky
- expects too much
- too independent
- too brassy
- too loud

Personally, all these in moderation, aren't a bad thing. BUT, if they ARE the truth, (I don't think they are), SURELY there's a man out there that can love me *despite* all those things, or love me *inspite* of those things....  






Damon said:


> you're a very good looking woman I'm suprised you arent married. do you live in a cave???


----------



## Damon (Apr 27, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Thank you.... no cave, but I'll give you the list that EVERYONE else says is why I am not married:
> 
> - too pushy
> - too bossy
> ...



Hate to say this to ya but I really dont think there are to many guys that are gonnna put up with the stuff that you listed. I know I wouldn't.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 27, 2007)

First, let me clarify. My MOTHER says I'm too independent and too bossy. My FRIENDS tell me I'm too picky and expect too much. My BROTHERS tell me I'm too brassy, pushy and loud. THEY think these things about me. Just because THEY think it, means it's true, right? *said with deliberate sarcasm*

I'm independent, confident and self-assured. I don't let people take advantage of me, and I don't take people's shit. If that makes me independent, bossy, picky, expecting too much, brassy, pushy and loud, then so be it. 

All that said, you're right, no one should put up with that.

Therefore, I am single. I'll put up with myself. 






Damon said:


> Hate to say this to ya but I really dont think there are to many guys that are gonnna put up with the stuff that you listed. I know I wouldn't.


----------



## Aliena (Apr 27, 2007)

Damon said:


> Hate to say this to ya but I really dont think there are to many guys that are gonnna put up with the stuff that you listed. I know I wouldn't.



Sure there are! There are lots of guys who are willing to treat a beautiful woman like a princess. A girl just has to be willing to be patient for the right guy with the right moves. VB is gorgeous, friendly, and has brains. Any guy would be privileged to have her summon a back rub or fetch her slippers.  

Hate to say this Damon, but you come off as a real sour puss! I hope that's not how you are in real life. 

Just sayin'...


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 27, 2007)

Thanks Aliena!  




Aliena said:


> Sure there are! There are lots of guys who are willing to treat a beautiful woman like a princess. A girl just has to be willing to be patient for the right guy with the right moves. VB is gorgeous, friendly, and has brains. Any guy would be privileged to have her summon a back rub or fetch her slippers.
> 
> Hate to say this Damon, but you come off as a real sour puss! I hope that's not how you are in real life.
> 
> Just sayin'...


----------



## Aliena (Apr 27, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Thanks Aliena!



You're quite welcome! I don't want to ruffle any feathers, but when a man has a problem with the list you listed, (like he illustrated) shows me he's intimidated by strong, beautiful, intelligent women. 
If that's the case it's ok, but he should just say that, rather than say something like, "No guy is going to want a girl like you..."

Puhleaaaasssseee!


----------



## Damon (Apr 27, 2007)

Aliena said:


> You're quite welcome! I don't want to ruffle any feathers, but when a man has a problem with the list you listed, (like he illustrated) shows me he's intimidated by strong, beautiful, intelligent women.
> If that's the case it's ok, but he should just say that, rather than say something like, "No guy is going to want a girl like you..."
> 
> Puhleaaaasssseee!



Actually I really like strong independent women. But there's no way in hell I'd let my wife sit on the couch all day barking orders at me like I'm some kinda slave. I think you should treat people the way you would want to be treated, and most people want to be treated with respect. And you cant respect someone that allows you to treat them like shit.


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## Aliena (Apr 27, 2007)

Damon said:


> Actually I really like strong independent women. But there's no way in hell I'd let my wife sit on the couch all day barking orders at me like I'm some kinda slave. I think you should treat people the way you would want to be treated, and most people want to be treated with respect. And you cant respect someone that allows you to treat them like shit.



There's something wrong with sitting on a couch all day??

Besides, who says VB is sitting on a couch all day? You're making too many assumptions. She has stated in many threads here she works full time. 

Another thing, no where in her list did she write, "Must like being disrespected". Again, you're making assumptions.


----------



## Damon (Apr 28, 2007)

Aliena said:


> There's something wrong with sitting on a couch all day??
> 
> Besides, who says VB is sitting on a couch all day? You're making too many assumptions. She has stated in many threads here she works full time.
> 
> Another thing, no where in her list did she write, "Must like being disrespected". Again, you're making assumptions.



I used sitting on the couch as an example. If she's single I'm sure she does work full time and I didnt say she disrespected anyone. To help clarify what I mean I'll give you an example me and wife had in our personal life. I was working swing shift when we were living together, she was a fulltime student. I think that the burden of housework should be shared so when I came home at night I did dishes and laundry. I didnt put it away because I didnt wanna wake her or my daughter by opening drawers and stuff, so I left the clean folded clothes on the couch for them to put away during the day. Well not only were the clothes not put away they had been sat on and some were even on the floor!! So I said WTF!! I work 12 hours a day come home dawg ass tired, do more than my share of housework and you can't even put away the clean clothes!? She agreed it wasn't fair. So does that make me a sour puss?


----------



## Aliena (Apr 28, 2007)

Damon said:


> I used sitting on the couch as an example. If she's single I'm sure she does work full time and I didnt say she disrespected anyone. To help clarify what I mean I'll give you an example me and wife had in our personal life. I was working swing shift when we were living together, she was a fulltime student. I think that the burden of housework should be shared so when I came home at night I did dishes and laundry. I didnt put it away because I didnt wanna wake her or my daughter by opening drawers and stuff, so I left the clean folded clothes on the couch for them to put away during the day. Well not only were the clothes not put away they had been sat on and some were even on the floor!! So I said WTF!! I work 12 hours a day come home dawg ass tired, do more than my share of housework and you can't even put away the clean clothes!? She agreed it wasn't fair. So does that make me a sour puss?



It depends. Did you _bark_ out WTF or did you sit her down like an intelligent woman and respectfully voiced your dismay?

And yeah, you do kind of have a sour puss tone to you. You come off like my brother and well, he's a real phallus!

ETA: I'm curious as to why you assume that because she's single she works full time. Or rather, if she were married, why your statement implies she wouldn't? There are lots of married folks out there who both hold down full time jobs.


----------



## Damon (Apr 28, 2007)

Aliena said:


> It depends. Did you _bark_ out WTF or did you sit her down like an intelligent woman and respectfully voiced your dismay?
> 
> And yeah, you do kind of have a sour puss tone to you. You come off like my brother and well, he's a real phallus!
> 
> ETA: I'm curious as to why you assume that because she's single she works full time. Or rather, if she were married, why your statement implies she wouldn't? There are lots of married folks out there who both hold down full time jobs.



We had an intelligent conversation. I assumed she works fulltime because I think she can take care of herself, I dont think she needs help getting anything material. I didn't realize that implied that she wouldn't be working a fulltime job if she were married. Personally I think housework or school is a job too you just don't get paid for it. If you don't like me or my opinions thats fine, so next time just call me a dick instead of phallus.


----------



## Punkin1024 (Apr 28, 2007)

Aliena said:


> I would post a wedding picture of me and hubby, but we simply don't have one. Not one where I'm wearing a white dress and him a tux anyways. We were married in front of a judge; essentially eloping.



Hi Aliena!
Well, we have yet another thing in common! Hubby and I eloped too! We were tired of friends and family complaining about our planned wedding date (in December), so we decided to elope the day after Thanksgiving! Of course, we did find a preacher friend and were married in his house. He was gracious enough to do that and we did have hubby's parents, brother, cousins and Aunt and Uncle as witnesses to the ceremony. My one major regret was that we could have called my parents that morning and they could have had time to drive to Abilene (from Mineola) and could have witnessed the ceremony too. Also, my closest friend at the time was very hurt that I didn't call her too. Hubby even made our wedding cake! It wasn't much, but it was a nice gesture. We didn't have a honeymoon either, but we hope to be able to do something nice on our 30th anniversary next year. I'll have to dig around in our photo albums to find our wedding pics and I will post them soon.

~Punkin


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## Miss Vickie (Apr 28, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> First, let me clarify. My MOTHER says I'm too independent and too bossy. My FRIENDS tell me I'm too picky and expect too much. My BROTHERS tell me I'm too brassy, pushy and loud. THEY think these things about me. Just because THEY think it, means it's true, right? *said with deliberate sarcasm*
> 
> I'm independent, confident and self-assured. I don't let people take advantage of me, and I don't take people's shit. If that makes me independent, bossy, picky, expecting too much, brassy, pushy and loud, then so be it.
> 
> ...



I think you seem marvelous, despite what others may think of you. My mom was all the things you describe -- and more! -- and my father adored her. I'm some of the things you describe, and Burtimus adores me. Marriage is a give and take and while it can be challenging when one of the members has a "strong personality" (or worse when BOTH are that way!) it can also be very rewarding. I think it's important for you to be you, and you'll find the right guy. 

Your post reminds me so much of "Taming of the Shrew". Have you seen any of the versions of it? I love how they kind of tame each other. 



Damon said:


> Actually I really like strong independent women. But there's no way in hell I'd let my wife sit on the couch all day barking orders at me like I'm some kinda slave. I think you should treat people the way you would want to be treated, and most people want to be treated with respect. And you cant respect someone that allows you to treat them like shit.



Nobody should bark orders at anyone in a marriage -- that's just not right. Both partners should work hard to keep the relationship, and their life, going. The challenge for me has been recovering from my first marriage, where any request for help was met with resistance and abusive language. I got used to doing everything myself, because it was just easier. I'd ask, "Can you please take the garbage out?" and then when it didn't get done, I'd remind him, and get told, "You just want things done on your OWN schedule." Ummm.... well.... having it overflowing isn't really MY schedule, it's rather the trash's schedule. Dick.

Burtimus and I have been married for a LONG time but old habits die hard. It's still easier for me to do it myself, because of my perceptions of how he'll react when I ask. He's never been hateful or mean when I've asked, but I still have a hard time asking for help because of what I went through, and also because I was a stay at home mom for a long time and so I got into the habit of the house being my responsibility. Now that the kids are older, it's getting better because, since I'm working full time, I kind of HAVE to ask; otherwise the place turns into a pit. I still feel like ultimately it's my responsibility, but I'm learning how to ask for help. Silly, I know, that I have to learn how to do that, but until he learns to mind read, I have to ask.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 28, 2007)

Thank you! I'm hoping to find the right guy for me and still be myself despite with others think of me. 

I've not seen Taming of the Shrew, but I've heard it's pretty good. I'll have to take a look! 

Thank you again, I appreciate the very kind words, and support!!

Vi






Miss Vickie said:


> I think you seem marvelous, despite what others may think of you. My mom was all the things you describe -- and more! -- and my father adored her. I'm some of the things you describe, and Burtimus adores me. Marriage is a give and take and while it can be challenging when one of the members has a "strong personality" (or worse when BOTH are that way!) it can also be very rewarding. I think it's important for you to be you, and you'll find the right guy.
> 
> Your post reminds me so much of "Taming of the Shrew". Have you seen any of the versions of it? I love how they kind of tame each other.
> 
> ...


----------



## Damon (Apr 28, 2007)

Ok Violet_Beauregard if you want to bust me out thats fine, however if your gonna do it why not just be upfront about it instead of posting little links to stuff I said earlier. Also I thought that this forum was a place where people could post opinions, and it seems that I have posted an unpopular one. However pissed off I may have made a few people I feel I speak the truth....women dont respect men that they can push around and treat like shit.As a matter of fact I made that same statment in a different thread and a few women agreed with me. Second of all I really don't think their are to many guys that would put up with ANYONE treating them like that. Good looks can only carry a relationship so far and I have no problem stating that you are a VERY good looking woman with a VERY nice body but a man is only gonna put up with bullshit treatment for so long. I really dont know you and I dont know how you have treated the men in your life but if you think that you have a god/goddess given right to have men serving you like you are an actual princess than I can understand why you are single. Once again I dont know you but if thats how you (and that goes for the rest of you ladies too)act than I can understand why you are single. When we were dating my wife thought she could treat me like a servant and I told her I wasnt going to put up with it.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 28, 2007)

Damon you are certainly entitled to your opinion, but you are ASSUMING that I treat people, men in particular, like shit, and that I treat them like servants. You are assuming this because I posted that my mother, my friends and my brothers think I act in a certain way. Once again, just because that is *THEIR* opinion, does *NOT* mean it is the truth. I said in my original post that I wanted to be able to post in this thread as a married woman. You replied and said that I was beautiful and you were surprised I wasn't married. I told you what OTHERS claim to be the reason why I am not. I also explained why I thought they felt that way.

Damon I treat *EVERYONE* the way that *I* want to be treated, which is with courtesy and respect. That is how I was raised. I am confident in my abilities, in my intelligence and most recently, in my body. If someone confronts me, I'm not going to back down. If someone gives me shit for no reason, I'm going to defend myself. BUT, that does NOT mean that I treat people like servants or that I am a bitch. If people cannot see the difference, then they don't know me. Such is the case here. You are making an assumption about me and the person that I am, based on what I put in my post that OTHERS said about me. 

As far as how I treat men, I hardly expect them to treat me like a goddess or a princess. I'm hardly a spoiled bitch. I have lived on my own for 20 years. I support myself and take care of myself without the help of a man. If a man chooses to share his life, and allow me to share my life with him, all the better. But I don't expect, or need, any man to "take care" of me. I consider any man my equal and would hardly treat them like they are my servant. I do not feel it is my "goddess" given right to treat anyone like shit.

All that said, I hardly want to fight with you about this. I'll say again, you are entitled to your opinion, and you're correct, you should be able to post your opinion on these boards. I was *NOT* trying to call you out. I was making a reference to your comment. Nothing more, nothing less. 

To get back to the original point of my post - I want to find a man who is my *equal* - who can accept me as I am. A confident, intelligent, self-assured, successful woman. That's all. I have a strong personality. There are plenty of men out there that are just like me and are looking for a woman just like me. *THAT* is what I want. 

Violet






Damon said:


> Ok Violet_Beauregard if you want to bust me out thats fine, however if your gonna do it why not just be upfront about it instead of posting little links to stuff I said earlier. Also I thought that this forum was a place where people could post opinions, and it seems that I have posted an unpopular one. However pissed off I may have made a few people I feel I speak the truth....women dont respect men that they can push around and treat like shit.As a matter of fact I made that same statment in a different thread and a few women agreed with me. Second of all I really don't think their are to many guys that would put up with ANYONE treating them like that. Good looks can only carry a relationship so far and I have no problem stating that you are a VERY good looking woman with a VERY nice body but a man is only gonna put up with bullshit treatment for so long. I really dont know you and I dont know how you have treated the men in your life but if you think that you have a god/goddess given right to have men serving you like you are an actual princess than I can understand why you are single. Once again I dont know you but if thats how you (and that goes for the rest of you ladies too)act than I can understand why you are single. When we were dating my wife thought she could treat me like a servant and I told her I wasnt going to put up with it.


----------



## PhillyFA (Apr 28, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Well, I'm not married, but I do have a question for the married men on the boards. Are all of you married FAs married to BBW or SSBBW? Or is that your preference, but fell in love with your spouse even though she is not a BBW or SSBBW?



I've been married for 10 years. My wife has been a big girl since I've known her, and she's 5'4", about 300 lbs., so I guess she qualifies for a SSBBW. She was about 225 lbs. when we got married. I've always been an FA. I've never dated or been with a skinny girl. For me, fat girls ROCK!!!


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## Damon (Apr 28, 2007)

Damon said:


> Hate to say this to ya but I really dont think there are to many guys that are gonnna put up with the stuff that you listed. I know I wouldn't.



OK i'm gonna chalk up this little disagreement to a poor choice of words on my part. I think what I should have said was: IF you treat men like that than I can understand why you're single. Because IF you do there arent to many guys that are gonna put up with being treated badly. I hope that I have effectively expressed myself and ended the animosity. I'd offer you a hand shake but I cant.....................


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 28, 2007)

Fair enough. I'd accept that hand shake, thank you. 

And, I agree that no man, or woman, should put up with anyone treating them badly. That is not a relationship, it's a dictatorship. 

BTW, in reference to your other posts in the Bossy Princess thread, thank you for putting the uniform on everyday. I, for one, appreciate it. 

Animosity/feud ended..... 

Vi





Damon said:


> OK i'm gonna chalk up this little disagreement to a poor choice of words on my part. I think what I should have said was: IF you treat men like that than I can understand why you're single. Because IF you do there arent to many guys that are gonna put up with being treated badly. I hope that I have effectively expressed myself and ended the animosity. I'd offer you a hand shake but I cant.....................


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## Damon (Apr 28, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Fair enough. I'd accept that hand shake, thank you.
> 
> And, I agree that no man, or woman, should put up with anyone treating them badly. That is not a relationship, it's a dictatorship.
> 
> ...



and since your not a bitch I have another theory about why your single. actually 2 of them.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 28, 2007)

My apologies to everyone for this thread going off track. :blush: Please continue to post your great stories and pics. They are enjoyed and appreciated. :bow: 

Violet


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## stan_der_man (Apr 28, 2007)

Damon said:


> OK i'm gonna chalk up this little disagreement to a poor choice of words on my part. I think what I should have said was: IF you treat men like that than I can understand why you're single. Because IF you do there arent to many guys that are gonna put up with being treated badly. I hope that I have effectively expressed myself and ended the animosity. I'd offer you a hand shake but I cant.....................





Violet_Beauregard said:


> Fair enough. I'd accept that hand shake, thank you.
> 
> And, I agree that no man, or woman, should put up with anyone treating them badly. That is not a relationship, it's a dictatorship.
> 
> ...



BTW... I haven't bailed from the thread, just watching from the sidelines. Mutual respect is the basic element that makes a relationship of any kind successful in my opinion for what it's worth...

Stan


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## stan_der_man (Apr 28, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> My apologies to everyone for this thread going off track. :blush: Please continue to post your great stories and pics. They are enjoyed and appreciated. :bow:
> 
> Violet



Don't worry Violet, disagreements happen. I think you guys handled this very amicably. Conversations like this make the threads interesting... You guys both are very welcome as far as I'm concerned...

Stan


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 28, 2007)

Violet this pissed me off because WHO THE HELL IS TELLING YOU THIS CRAP????????????

I'm:

Pushy
Aggressive
Bitchy
Bossy
Challenging 
Independant to a fault

However - Wayne loves me BECAUSE of those qualities and many others. Perhaps a trip to New Jersey is in order. Men there are used to and like this kind of woman.

Don't listen to those people telling you that crap. It takes a strong man to love a strong woman. Don't settle!!!!




Violet_Beauregard said:


> Thank you.... no cave, but I'll give you the list that EVERYONE else says is why I am not married:
> 
> - too pushy
> - too bossy
> ...


----------



## Damon (Apr 29, 2007)

oh and i'd like to say i'm sorry for throwing the thread out of wack.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 29, 2007)

LOLOL.... Well, I think I'm single for a number of reasons, one being I haven't settled! Personally, the people that say all those things do have a point. I can be pushy, bossy, too loud, expect too much and too brassy, and bitchy, but I don't live my whole life like that. I think everyone is like that at one point or another. That's life... that's people.... that's part of their (my) personality. 

You are VERY right... A strong man will accept a woman like that. THAT is the man for me. I just need to fine him! LOL

Thank you so much!

PS. I do know a pretty hot guy from New Jersey... but he doesn't want to settle down...dammit....  






Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Violet this pissed me off because WHO THE HELL IS TELLING YOU THIS CRAP????????????
> 
> I'm:
> 
> ...


----------



## Waxwing (Apr 29, 2007)

K, Violet, come on. We're gettin' hitched!


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 29, 2007)

I'm there baby!!! :wubu: 




Waxwing said:


> K, Violet, come on. We're gettin' hitched!


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## EtobicokeFA (Apr 29, 2007)

Great photos everyone! Of course, the award for most unique goes to Cat!


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## imfree (Apr 29, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Thank you.... no cave, but I'll give you the list that EVERYONE else says is why I am not married:
> 
> - too pushy
> - too bossy
> ...


 There ain't a thing wrong with you, Violet, you're just intelligent
and you KNOW what you want.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 29, 2007)

Thanks Edgar..... 




imfree said:


> There ain't a thing wrong with you, Violet, you're just intelligent
> and you KNOW what you want.


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## alienlanes (Apr 29, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> However - Wayne loves me BECAUSE of those qualities and many others. Perhaps a trip to New Jersey is in order. Men there are used to and like this kind of woman.



Hell yeah! Us metro area guys know a good thing when we see it .


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## stan_der_man (Apr 30, 2007)

Not to drudge anything back up, I just wanted to say that as far as I’m concerned you are always welcome Damon! I actually think debates like this are healthy as long as the people debating can keep it civilized (which I think you and Violet did) and if things get heated, agree to disagree, “shake hands” and call it a day. I actually think debate like this is healthy, it’s usually the difficult subjects that need this sort of discussion to really understand people’s thoughts and feelings. Agreement may never be reached, but I think that is irrelevant, knowing peoples honest feelings sometimes makes opposing sides, at least, better understand each other.




Violet_Beauregard said:


> Thank you.... no cave, but I'll give you the list that EVERYONE else says is why I am not married:
> 
> - too pushy
> - too bossy
> ...





Damon said:


> Hate to say this to ya but I really dont think there are to many guys that are gonnna put up with the stuff that you listed. I know I wouldn't.



At the risk of really drudging things back up, I must say Damon, in principal I do agree with you. I also think you were reasonably tactful. The problem with these sort of debates is that the point of debate is a reference that a woman (Violet) has made about herself (slightly different here, she stated that others say this about her, but it’s still things attributed to her personality). So critique of the stated characteristics, very quickly becomes personal, or interpreted as direct insults if the critique is negative. I have the highest respect for you Violet, and I think you are a very marriage worthy woman from what I can tell. I would venture to guess that these attributes placed upon you by others, as you stated, are probably exaggerations of general characteristics. You also speak of moderation... that confirms to me that you are a reasonable person. So what is my point here?

To me, the saddest thing that comes out of these sort of debates (just using this as an example, not saying specifically that you, Violet and Damon feel this way…) is that the women walk away feeling slighted and conclude that men are just assholes, and have no further understanding of why man act the way they do. Men walk away from these debates vowing never to openly state their opinions in the presence of women again, and lose out on potentially interesting dialog (actually, both the men and women lose out.) 

Just my opinion…

Staying on topic… or trying to bend things back to topic  discussing things like this and knowing each others feelings are the things that make relationships last! 

Stan


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 30, 2007)

Thanks Stan. Honestly, I did agree with what Damon said.... no one should be made to feel subserviant to anyone, ever. I just didn't feel that the characteristics that I listed that OTHERS stated about me were the reason I'm not married. I felt Damon assumed that I was absolutely what they stated. I'm not saying I don't have my moments... we all do. 

That said, you're right....I could easily walk away saying all men are assholes... but men are safe with me. Everyone is certainly entitled to their opinion, Damon included. I think sometimes people have to agree to disagree. 

And you're quite right...it's times like these that make life...and these threads...interesting!

OK...I'm off to find a husband that I can post here about... wish me luck! LOL  




fa_man_stan said:


> Not to drudge anything back up, I just wanted to say that as far as I’m concerned you are always welcome Damon! I actually think debates like this are healthy as long as the people debating can keep it civilized (which I think you and Violet did) and if things get heated, agree to disagree, “shake hands” and call it a day. I actually think debate like this is healthy, it’s usually the difficult subjects that need this sort of discussion to really understand people’s thoughts and feelings. Agreement may never be reached, but I think that is irrelevant, knowing peoples honest feelings sometimes makes opposing sides, at least, better understand each other.
> 
> At the risk of really drudging things back up, I must say Damon, in principal I do agree with you. I also think you were reasonably tactful. The problem with these sort of debates is that the point of debate is a reference that a woman (Violet) has made about herself (slightly different here, she stated that others say this about her, but it’s still things attributed to her personality). So critique of the stated characteristics, very quickly becomes personal, or interpreted as direct insults if the critique is negative. I have the highest respect for you Violet, and I think you are a very marriage worthy woman from what I can tell. I would venture to guess that these attributes placed upon you by others, as you stated, are probably exaggerations of general characteristics. You also speak of moderation... that confirms to me that you are a reasonable person. So what is my point here?
> 
> ...


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## bigplaidpants (Apr 30, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Thank you.... no cave, but I'll give you the list that EVERYONE else says is why I am not married:
> 
> - too pushy
> - too bossy
> ...



LOL....looks like I missed a longer conversation, here. But, I must say VB - this list doesn't look original.  I think my wife, Magnoliagrows, has heard these things about here most of her life. I love it about her....even when it's hard and I just want my way.

....I also love the tender-hearted woman, the lavish lover, and gentle spirit that hides underneath the tough exterior. I'm sure you are just the same.

Really.


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## Jane (Apr 30, 2007)

Damon said:


> Actually I really like strong independent women. But there's no way in hell I'd let my wife sit on the couch all day barking orders at me like I'm some kinda slave. I think you should treat people the way you would want to be treated, and most people want to be treated with respect. And you cant respect someone that allows you to treat them like shit.



No independent woman would do that.

And why are you carrying your baggage over to this thread as well? Save it for the one you've already hijacked, please.


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## SamanthaNY (Apr 30, 2007)

Damon said:


> Actually I really like strong independent women. But there's no way in hell I'd let my wife sit on the couch all day barking orders at me like I'm some kinda slave. I think you should treat people the way you would want to be treated, and most people want to be treated with respect. And you cant respect someone that allows you to treat them like shit.



"let" her? 

I hope that's just another unfortunate (and mistaken) choice of word, LOL


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 30, 2007)

Thanks BPP... I really appreciate the very kind words.... 





bigplaidpants said:


> LOL....looks like I missed a longer conversation, here. But, I must say VB - this list doesn't look original.  I think my wife, Magnoliagrows, has heard these things about here most of her life. I love it about her....even when it's hard and I just want my way.
> 
> ....I also love the tender-hearted woman, the lavish lover, and gentle spirit that hides underneath the tough exterior. I'm sure you are just the same.
> 
> Really.


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## stan_der_man (Apr 30, 2007)

So what do you married, steady or dating (I like to include everybody...  ) folks do for fun! We may not be as wild as Cat  ... here is a picture taken yesterday at Disneyland. We have season passes (and live reasonably close) so we just go there when the urge hits.

Stan


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 30, 2007)

SlackerFA said:


> Hell yeah! Us metro area guys know a good thing when we see it .



Damn right! 

Why would you want a woman who ISN'T a challenge????

I know men who find me (irritating and abrasive and too aggressive:shocked: ) LOL - But these are men who also want me to shut up and agree with everything they want and say. :doh: 

Give me a man who will go nose to nose with me and still love me and still want to argue with me and who finds that a turn on - even if I call him an asshole! He can then call me a bitch and we can both laugh about it and life goes on.

As Sheryl Crow sang - "Are you strong enough to be my man?"

(sorry about the tangent)


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 30, 2007)

BINGO!!!   





Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Damn right!
> 
> Why would you want a woman who ISN'T a challenge????
> 
> ...


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 30, 2007)

OMG... how absolutely adorable is that picture????? Wow... what a happy family Stan!! That makes my heart sing!

Vi





fa_man_stan said:


> So what do you married, steady or dating (I like to include everybody...  ) folks do for fun! We may not be as wild as Cat  ... here is a picture taken yesterday at Disneyland. We have season passes (and live reasonably close) so we just go there when the urge hits.
> 
> Stan


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## stan_der_man (Apr 30, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Damn right!
> 
> Why would you want a woman who ISN'T a challenge????
> 
> ...



I think you are absolutely right Sandie! The "princesses" that find a man who caters to them hand and foot, and have no backbone end up in a very unfullfilling relationship. I haven't said too much about the "princess" thing, because it always reminds me of our neighbors (across the street, next to the guy in a motorhome... actually the guy in the motorhome is their "handyman" but that's another story...) They are an older couple (late 60s / 70s), the husband just sits in his chair and basically says "yes dear" to every command she barks, and sneaks out to go fishing now and then. The woman has 14 or 15 cats, their house absolutely reeks of cat urine (I'm talking eye burning... I worked on their computer a couple of times and could hardly breath....) That seems to be the end result of unchecked "princessdom" in my opinion...



Violet_Beauregard said:


> OMG... how absolutely adorable is that picture????? Wow... what a happy family Stan!! That makes my heart sing!
> 
> Vi



Thanks Vi! We had a good time. It's starting to get crowded at D-Land, but nothing too bad yet. The weather was just perfect... 70° - 80° or so. My daughter always loves going there. She was just tall enough for the first time to go on some of the roller coasters (Big Thunder Mountain...) but she is like her ol' daddy and doesn't particularly like the fast rides...

Stan

Stan


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 30, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> I think you are absolutely right Sandie! The "princesses" that find a man who caters to them hand and foot, and have no backbone end up in a very unfullfilling relationship. I haven't said too much about the "princess" thing, because it always reminds me of our neighbors (across the street, next to the guy in a motorhome... actually the guy in the motorhome is their "handyman" but that's another story...) They are an older couple (late 60s / 70s), the husband just sits in his chair and basically says "yes dear" to every command she barks, and sneaks out to go fishing now and then. The woman has 14 or 15 cats, their house absolutely reeks of cat urine (I'm talking eye burning... I worked on their computer a couple of times and could hardly breath....) That seems to be the end result of unchecked "princessdom" in my opinion...
> Stan



No Stan you are confusing Princess with Bitch. 

A bitch has the mindset of "I deserve it".
A Princess has the mindset of " I deserve it because I treat YOU like a King".


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## stan_der_man (Apr 30, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> No Stan you are confusing Princess with Bitch.
> 
> A bitch has the mindset of "I deserve it".
> A Princess has the mindset of " I deserve it because I treat YOU like a King".



Actually, I was a bit blurry on the definition of Princess, but that completely makes sense! 

Stan


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## imfree (Apr 30, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> So what do you married, steady or dating (I like to include everybody...  ) folks do for fun! We may not be as wild as Cat  ... here is a picture taken yesterday at Disneyland. We have season passes (and live reasonably close) so we just go there when the urge hits.
> 
> Stan


 Wow, Stan, you have a lovely family. I'm divorced and have no GF,
so I indulge in my hobbies such as electricity/electronics, on-location video recording, my computer, internet, MP3 music, low-power FM braodcasting, VLF
EarthRadio listening, working digital pictures, and, of course church with a spirited bunch of fellow-believers


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## Zandoz (Apr 30, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> So what do you married, steady or dating (I like to include everybody...  ) folks do for fun! We may not be as wild as Cat  ... here is a picture taken yesterday at Disneyland. We have season passes (and live reasonably close) so we just go there when the urge hits.
> 
> Stan




Fun? What is this strange concept?


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 30, 2007)

Every day is a holiday being married to me.


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## stan_der_man (Apr 30, 2007)

imfree said:


> Wow, Stan, you have a lovely family. I'm divorced and have no GF, so I indulge in my hobbies such as electricity/electronics, on-location video recording, my computer, internet, MP3 music, low-power FM braodcasting, VLF EarthRadio listening, working digital pictures, and, of course church with a spirited bunch of fellow-believers



Thanks for the complement Imfree! I have a HAM radio license, and have been into the 2M and 70cm frequencies for a while, shortwave and electronics in general. BTW, that is quite an electrical arc you have there!

Stan



Zandoz said:


> Fun? What is this strange concept?



For a man who knows "Spaceballs" and classic cars, you most certainly must know what fun is!



Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Every day is a holiday being married to me.


 Does a Princess have the power of decree or must holidays also be approved by the King?


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 30, 2007)

Princess always has the power Stan - just ask your wife. 




fa_man_stan said:


> Thanks for the complement Imfree! I have a HAM radio license, and have been into the 2M and 70cm frequencies for a while, shortwave and electronics in general. BTW, that is quite an electrical arc you have there!
> 
> Stan
> 
> ...


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## Zandoz (May 1, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> For a man who knows "Spaceballs" and classic cars, you most certainly must know what fun is!



That was another lifetime. The "use it or lose it" concept comes into play.


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## Ruby Ripples (May 1, 2007)

fa_man_stan said:


> I think you are absolutely right Sandie! The "princesses" that find a man who caters to them hand and foot, and have no backbone end up in a very unfullfilling relationship. I haven't said too much about the "princess" thing, because it always reminds me of our neighbors (across the street, next to the guy in a motorhome... actually the guy in the motorhome is their "handyman" but that's another story...) They are an older couple (late 60s / 70s), the husband just sits in his chair and basically says "yes dear" to every command she barks, and sneaks out to go fishing now and then. The woman has 14 or 15 cats, their house absolutely reeks of cat urine (I'm talking eye burning... I worked on their computer a couple of times and could hardly breath....) That seems to be the end result of unchecked "princessdom" in my opinion...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



They say there is someone for everyone. Perhaps that man who sneaks off fishing, LOVES how his wife treats him, being domineered. Hey maybe he's an old happy cuckold with no sense of smell!

That's a lovely family photo at Disneyland, your daughter has the cutest little cheeky face! 70 degrees I can cope with.... 80 no WAY, interesting how we adapt to our climates (within reason). The average summer daytime temp in Scotland is 63, which happens to be my favourite temp for comfort. 

I noticed how slim your wife is, and was confused, then remembered your wedding pic, wow she lost a lot of weight. Congratulations to her if it was something she wanted, we all know how hard it is to diet, ugh.


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## stan_der_man (May 1, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> They say there is someone for everyone. Perhaps that man who sneaks off fishing, LOVES how his wife treats him, being domineered. Hey maybe he's an old happy cuckold with no sense of smell!
> ...



You are probably right Ruby. Actually the old guy across the street is fairly happy-go-lucky, but his olfactory senses (along with his wife's) must be long gone...



> That's a lovely family photo at Disneyland, your daughter has the cutest little cheeky face! 70 degrees I can cope with.... 80 no WAY, interesting how we adapt to our climates (within reason). The average summer daytime temp in Scotland is 63, which happens to be my favourite temp for comfort.



Thanks for the complements! We are lucky, our daughter really seems like a happy girl, she loves going to D-Land and hugging the charactors. I know what you mean about adapting to one's climate. I used to live in Alaska, and anything above 70° - 75°F would make us sweat, and 40°F was nothing to us. Now I commonly have to deal with 100°F + and it doesn't bother me that much, but if it dips below 60°F I'm cold! The climate here is quite dry most of the time, 80°F isn't really that bad, blazing sun though, sunscreen is a must!



> I noticed how slim your wife is, and was confused, then remembered your wedding pic, wow she lost a lot of weight. Congratulations to her if it was something she wanted, we all know how hard it is to diet, ugh.


 Actually my wife had WLS, she'll gladly discuss it with whomever would like to ask her... 

Stan


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## mtnmaiden (May 1, 2007)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Princess always has the power Stan - just ask your wife.



Hey Sandie,
You are a woman after my own heart!!!:wubu: 

Mtn Maiden (Stan's Princess)


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## Sandie_Zitkus (May 1, 2007)

mtnmaiden said:


> Hey Sandie,
> You are a woman after my own heart!!!:wubu:
> 
> Mtn Maiden (Stan's Princess)



Welcome Princess!! thank you.


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## bigplaidpants (May 8, 2007)

mtnmaiden said:


> Hey Sandie,
> You are a woman after my own heart!!!:wubu:
> 
> Mtn Maiden (Stan's Princess)



"You've given too much rep....."

mtmaiden...you get rep for being Stan's wife.  And bein' a mommy. And.....

Good to see you, here.


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## Punkin1024 (May 9, 2007)

As promised, here is a picture from my wedding day, November 24, 1978. Sorry I couldn't find one a bit more clear. 

View attachment Mark and Ella on our wedding day November 24 1978.jpg


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## Missy9579 (May 16, 2007)

lol Just saw the question about what us shacked up folk like to do for fun....

Tim and I enjoy playing video games together...we LOVE to rock out to guitar hero,,and often have guitar hero parties....people over for food, beer and sillyness....

We enjoy hanging out with friends, watching movies, at home, and at the theater....

We also have different interests that we do alone, he plays disc golf, I like to shop, he plays dungeon and dragons with friends, I play Literoti online....

We keep different work schedules, so the only time we can do stuff is generally on the weekend...so we try and make a balance between kids, friends, each other, ourselves....seems to work out well!!


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## Punkin1024 (Jun 21, 2007)

I wanted to bump this thread back up to page one because I was remembering when hubby and I met. I'm remembering because hubby and I met late summer (towards the end of July). My hubby's best friend, who also happened to be my step-cousin, invited me over to swim in a pool he'd help fix-up. This was the first summer I'd ever taken interrim classes at ACU. I love to swim and my roommate and friends jumped at the chance of cooling off in a swimming pool (and perhaps meeting some cute guys  ). So, the next day, my roomie and I were off to Dillards to check out the swimsuit sales. I considered myself full-figured even though I was within 20 pounds of my goal weight and have always purchased one-piece suits, so the only rack I could find suits that fit were in the more "mature" section. I finally found a cute swimdress with tie-shoulders (this was bold for me). The next day we were all in the pool (myself and 3 friends) when hubby drove up (he was renting a room at the house with the pool). He was wearing mirror reflection sunglasses and I thought he was really cute and sexy! He came over and said hi, though he couldn't see much of us as we were in the pool. He did invite us all back for a swim later that night. He finally saw me out of the pool, liked what he saw, came over and wrapped a beach towel around me. The next day, he called me and asked me out on a date. I was over-the-moon because I had hoped he would call me!

Two weeks and a few dates later, we were engaged!

Ain't love grand!

~Punkin


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## stan_der_man (Jun 21, 2007)

Punkin, Very nice picture, and wonderful story on how you and your husband met! My wife and I met at a pool party, somewhat like how you met your husband (at least the pool anyway...) 

Stan


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## Punkin1024 (Jun 22, 2007)

Stan, is the "flower" in your avatar what I think it is? It looks like the gadget we used to place in the hole of a 45 record so we could play it on a 78 record player. Am I right?

~Punkin


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