# Superiority in FAness



## UserNameName (Feb 14, 2018)

So some comments on another thread really got me thinking about this: We all know FAs love fat bodies in a sexual manner. But do they also enjoy it because it makes them feel superior?

Here's the thread in question:
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123841

Please don't pick on people in that thread though, or make this a personal thing about them, I just want to have a general discussion about this.

One user (@happily_married) mentions a couple of times that he is a physically fit, attractive male. His wife is 400 lbs. And he (and his wife) love the weird glances and the disapproving looks that people give. He likes the idea that people wonder "how the heck is _she_ with _him_?!" Now, this is a perfectly acceptable, okay thing to feel. So guys, please don't attack him. He's only human, as are the rest of us. But my question is, is that a fairly common thing among FAs, or is it rarer?

I too have had thoughts similar to happilymarried's when I'm with my girlfriend. I'm tall, reasonably good looking, a top student since forever, and I give the appearance of being somewhat muscular (I'm actually not, it's just my weird bone structure, but with clothes on I look pretty strong for no reason). My girlfriend is a BBW (a beautiful, intelligent, kind, funny, loving BBW, but a BBW nonetheless). And I like to imagine that strangers we meet wonder "how the heck is _she_ with _him_?!", just as happilymarried does. I feel a little guilty for this, but I know it is just thoughts and as long as I don't start seeing her as inferior (never. Ever.) it's okay. 

But I'm curious, how many of you others have these thoughts on occasion?


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## fuelingfire (Feb 14, 2018)

UserNameName said:


> So some comments on another thread really got me thinking about this: We all know FAs love fat bodies in a sexual manner. But do they also enjoy it because it makes them feel superior?
> 
> Here's the thread in question:
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123841
> ...



Um, no. You will find answers will vary. If what you wrote is your takeaway from that thread, you interpreted things that were never said. Or maybe multiple peoples' takeaways from that thread, I am not sure why it snowballed in the last few days.

I have exercised my whole life, and come from a family of exercisers. I physically feel like something is wrong if I take a few days off from exercising. I consider working out to be a hobby, not some chore to achieve a short term goal. I enjoy that mainstream society, finds an athletic body attractive. 

This is 100% unrelated to being attracted to fat women. I consider my girlfriend to be my equal. I would not want to be with someone I look down upon. That just seems awful and sad. 

I loath that society sees fat people as somehow being lesser than thin people.


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 14, 2018)

Do you really believe it's "an ok thing to feel" that you enjoy having people wonder why you're with your wife?


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## fuelingfire (Feb 14, 2018)

LoveBHMS said:


> Do you really believe it's "an ok thing to feel" that you enjoy having people wonder why you're with your wife?



I am not sure what you are talking about. I got divorced in 2014. Feel free to quote me.

I enjoy helping people realize I am not settling for my partner. But that is hardly the same thing as what you said.


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 14, 2018)

UserNameName said:


> e. He likes the idea that people wonder "how the heck is _she_ with _him_?!" Now, this is a perfectly acceptable, okay thing to feel.?


 
According to your post, it's acceptable to like the idea of people wondering why she's with him.


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## fuelingfire (Feb 14, 2018)

LoveBHMS said:


> According to your post, it's acceptable to like the idea of people wondering why she's with him.



You chose to quote UserNameNames interpretation of that thread. No offense to UNN, but at least on my part, that is an inaccurate way to describe anything I wrote or feel.


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## landshark (Feb 14, 2018)

I feel I should respond since it was my thread that inspired this one. First I’d like to clarify some things:



UserNameName said:


> One user (@happily_married) mentions a couple of times that he is a physically fit, attractive male. His wife is 400 lbs. And he (and his wife) love the weird glances and the disapproving looks that people give. He likes the idea that people wonder "how the heck is _she_ with _him_?!" Now, this is a perfectly acceptable, okay thing to feel. So guys, please don't attack him. He's only human, as are the rest of us. But my question is, is that a fairly common thing among FAs, or is it rarer?



I don’t LIKE that people cast judgmental stares or openly question why fit guys would prefer overweight partners. While people’s reactions can sometimes be amusing to me, in the big picture those reactions are symptomatic of society not valuing overweight people on the same level as they do other body types. That is a reality I do not like. At all.



UserNameName said:


> I too have had thoughts similar to happilymarried's when I'm with my girlfriend. I'm tall, reasonably good looking, a top student since forever, and I give the appearance of being somewhat muscular (I'm actually not, it's just my weird bone structure, but with clothes on I look pretty strong for no reason). My girlfriend is a *BBW (a beautiful, intelligent, kind, funny, loving BBW, but a BBW nonetheless).* And I like to imagine that strangers we meet wonder "how the heck is _she_ with _him_?!", just as happilymarried does. I feel a little guilty for this, but I know it is just thoughts and as long as I don't start seeing her as inferior (never. Ever.) it's okay.



I would also be careful about making statements like the bolded. I am guessing you don’t mean it this way, but a lot of readers would read that statement and have good reason to conclude the writer believes BBWs who are “beautiful, intelligent, kind, funny, etc...” are not the norm. Common stereotypes are that overweight women are less intelligent, less successful, unpleasant to be around, selfish, etc. When we make statements like “I date a BBW but she’s an intelligent, beautiful BBW” we are actually reinforcing these stereotypes because we are signaling she is an exception to the norm.

Now...with all that said, I’ll address the original question.

I do not feel superior to anyone for having a preference for fat women. It’s a preference and with preference there is often no universally right or wrong answer. I like one thing, the next guy likes another. I do not fault men for not liking fat women though I think they have no idea what they’re missing. You cannot force preference (though I believe preference can change over time).

Keep in mind that one of the factors that prompted me to start the thread linked above is that people are judging me for my preference. If I truly believe that’s wrong on their part it would be bad form of me to judge others for their preference just because it does not align with mine. I don’t think I possess any special insight just because I once overcame my own hesitations and decided to give fat women a chance. But who am I to judge a guy who doesn’t feel that way? It’s not unreasonable to seek a partner with whom you can share interests and activities. 

Also, like Fuelingfire, I do not think myself superior to my wife in any way. I do not feel I’ve married down, settled, etc. In fact if anything the opposite is true. I feel like I’m the lucky one here. And I’m actually the more submissive partner in my relationship by a considerable margin. I do nothing that does not have her approval. Still, when push comes to shove we are equals. 

A final note on preference, specifically FA preference, is that while one may indeed have a “type” it is probably a bad idea to overtly advertise that preference. Doing so reduces the individual. A white guy who prefers AA women is far better served by letting his dating/partnering patterns do his speaking than by saying “I like black women.” Likewise an FA is better off just letting his preference exhibit itself than place a billboard by the highway proclaiming it. Nothing undermines a woman’s sense of identity and uniqueness like hearing a guy say “I like fat women.”

Ask me how I know.:doh:


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 15, 2018)

The OP wasn't suggesting that FA feel superior for being FA. He was questioning why he and others derive enjoyment from the surprise surrounding him being an FA. Fat is not viewed as a desirable trait, because most people in modern Western culture find fat to be aesthetically and sexually unattractive, as well as an indication of negative personal behavior (lazy, undisciplined, careless,). It would therefore make sense that a man with a fat woman would himself be less desirable. 

There'd likely be no shock from outsiders if a fat woman were with an unattractive or less socially desirable man. IOW it's reasonable to assume his being ugly, poor, or stupid means his choices are limited. Surprise from outsiders would happen only if they viewed the man as superior.


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## DiDiZia (Feb 15, 2018)

I would be very wary of dating some "FAs" because of this. I feel like some may like the idea of being on a higher hierarchy than their BBW. I do not get this impression from happilymarried, or even you, as you seem to be actually FAs. But, I have seen it on another website that I visit called 'Feabie.' A lot of the folks over there are *wild*, and I have found it is the non-FAs that are more likely to display the type of characteristics you worry of.

It seemed as though some of the thinner "FAs" on there have a saviour complex, and feel as though they are doing BBWs a favour by giving us attention. So, when some of them are rejected, and BBWs set certain standards for themselves, they lash out and seem bewildered at how that can be. 

I think the ones us BBWs should be most wary of are the ones who aren't really FAs. Rather, they are men without specific preference for fat women, and perhaps they are a little unattractive themselves for whatever reason. They specifically target BBWs online, because they think we'll lower our standards, and they want a girlfriend that'll make them feel better about themselves. It's the reason they lash out if a BBW dares to reject them!

Sent from my Moto G Play using Tapatalk


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## agouderia (Feb 15, 2018)

Now away from personal perceptions and examples - 90% of men are more comfortable feeling superior to their female partner. 
Simply because it still is the ruling social stereotype and today's men were raised along those patterns, whether openly or unwittingly.

Being a average sized man = conforming to social norm with a fat woman = an unattractive woman deviating from the social norm in the for women most undesirable way - the FA automatically has such a superior position to the BBW that even stable egos will fall for.

And don't anybody try and rationalize that it's the same for FFAs - because it isn't. BHMs can compensate size with other social status indicators, starting with height over money or professional position. Fat women have no generally, socially acknowledged means of compensation for their weight.


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## Blockierer (Feb 16, 2018)

UserNameName said:


> ....One user (@happily_married) mentions a couple of times that he is a physically fit, attractive male. His wife is 400 lbs. And he (and his wife) love the weird glances and the disapproving looks that people give. He likes the idea that people wonder "how the heck is _she_ with _him_?!" .....


I'm in the same boot as happily_married. I'm a fit guy and married to a 5"3', 410 lbs woman. I hope people see that I love fat women especially my fat wife. 
When I decided to date fat women I knew that I will get lots of disapproving looks and maybe rude comments. Despite disapproving looks, I'm still in good physical and mental condition.  Just to mention, after being with my wife for 15 years in most cases I do not notice looks. It's not important what other people think.



agouderia said:


> ...woman deviating from the social norm in the for women most undesirable way



Nice phrase! 
I'm happy that at least one of these deviating women fell for me.


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## landshark (Feb 16, 2018)

agouderia said:


> Now away from personal perceptions and examples - 90% of men are more comfortable feeling superior to their female partner.
> Simply because it still is the ruling social stereotype and today's men were raised along those patterns, whether openly or unwittingly.
> 
> Being a average sized man = conforming to social norm with a fat woman = an unattractive woman deviating from the social norm in the for women most undesirable way - the FA automatically has such a superior position to the BBW that even stable egos will fall for.



I dont know if feeling superior is how I would word it but I think I understand the overall idea youre communicating. And I definitely know or know of enough men about whom feeling superior is without question the best way to describe their dynamic with women. These are the types who run roughshod over their wives, try to make all the decisions without her input, etc. In a lot of these cases there is probably some underlying insecurity. Maybe being anything short of in full control is unmasculine. I dont know. Im not that kind of man so I can only guess as to what makes them tick. Im actually closer to the opposite of guys like that.

I agree with you that society values a fit man over an overweight woman and that disparity can lead to a sense of superiority. Even as our society in the U.S. has become accepting of just about anything the absolute worst thing a woman can be is overweight. I think this is one of the reasons I try to be openly affectionate with my wife when were in public. First, I know she likes it. But beyond that, its not about what people think so much as the image I want to project: in a society that values one type of human over another, I am the lucky one to be with her. 



agouderia said:


> And don't anybody try and rationalize that it's the same for FFAs - because it isn't. BHMs can compensate size with other social status indicators, starting with height over money or professional position. Fat women have no generally, socially acknowledged means of compensation for their weight.



This is another good point, though Im sure youll have plenty of people disagree. I suppose there really isnt a way to definitively know, but it definitely seems like BHMs dont get the stigma fat women do. Add in the whole health in carrying children discussion and I dont see how you can make an argument otherwise, since that is obviously something a male cannot do. 

I can see why it would be challenging for women to maintain a healthy sense of self worth if theyve been fed this tripe from society. Its one of the reasons I find confidence in a fat woman to be so appealing.


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 16, 2018)

HM, you mention in the original post of the other thread that your wife has received approval from other fat women for being with you. You have mentioned this dynamic in other posts as well. You've said something along the lines of her getting positive reactions when "One of their own" managed to "snag" a man they find appealing.

So do you truly believe that would happen if you were not seen as superior? Furthermore, does your wife just have a sexual or aesthetic preference for fit men? Or does she like being with a fit man because it gives her social legitimacy? Like it's ok to weigh over 400 pounds if you're proving to others that you can attract a socially desirable mate. Numerous BHM on here have complained that fat women pass them over for thin men, not due to lack of interest but because the fat women want a skinny man to prove to society that they don't have to settle for a fellow fat person


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## landshark (Feb 16, 2018)

LoveBHMS said:


> HM, you mention in the original post of the other thread that your wife has received approval from other fat women for being with you. You have mentioned this dynamic in other posts as well. You've said something along the lines of her getting positive reactions when "One of their own" managed to "snag" a man they find appealing.
> 
> So do you truly believe that would happen if you were not seen as superior?



Society generally values fit men more than fat women, this much I’ve never disputed. When I talk about it on a personal level, I personally do not want to feel superior nor do I want to project an image that I feel that way. 

Also keep in mind a lot of fat women openly reject society’s valuing system, as they should. But even these women aren’t oblivious to it and may notice when they see a couple like me and my wife. Maybe the ones who signal their approval are the ones who have more self confidence regardless of their size. They aren’t valuing me anymore than my wife so much as just validating what they already know: that big women can draw a guy as good as any other women. That’s just one possible explanation. 



LoveBHMS said:


> Furthermore, does your wife just have a sexual or aesthetic preference for fit men? Or does she like being with a fit man because it gives her social legitimacy? Like it's ok to weigh over 400 pounds if you're proving to others that you can attract a socially desirable mate. Numerous BHM on here have complained that fat women pass them over for thin men, not due to lack of interest but because the fat women want a skinny man to prove to society that they don't have to settle for a fellow fat person



Based on the other men she’s admitted she finds attractive she likes the strong athletic type. This goes back as far as I can remeber with her so I believe it’s a sexual/aesthetic preference. Furthermore when I told her I was going to drop from 171 to 161 pounds she got really excited. She isn’t always the most visually motivated person but I’ve noticed a significant increase in the way she looks at me when I’m topless. These aesthetic improvements are not something anyone else is really going to notice on me. This seems to underscore her preferences for what she wants in her partner are aesthetic/sexually motivated, not “status” motivated. (Fun fact: she also prefers I get sleeve tattoos but I’m not ready to do that just yet.) 

Regarding BHM who get frustrated I’ve seen that countless times both here and other forums, and in real life. All I can say is if a woman passes on a guy simply for “status” reasons the guy may be better off without her, frustrated as he may be. Otherwise you can’t force preference. A fat woman isn’t going to be automatically attracted to a fat man just because they’re both fat. In the event there is no attraction, I don’t blame anyone for not settling.


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## agouderia (Feb 17, 2018)

happily_married said:


> I agree with you that society values a fit man over an overweight woman and that disparity can lead to a sense of superiority. Even as our society in the U.S. has become accepting of just about anything the absolute worst thing a woman can be is overweight. *I think this is one of the reasons I try to be openly affectionate with my wife when were in public. *First, I know she likes it. But beyond that, its not about what people think so much* as the image I want to project: in a society that values one type of human over another, I am the lucky one to be with her. *



I hate so say it, but that is the essence of superiority.

By showing your affection in public you make clear you have a status that allows you to deny society's expectations. And that this superiority of yours is like a mantle of protection you use to shield your wife. Which is not necessarily a step towards more acceptance - but just plays into the old animal kingdom patterns: Don't mess with the female under the protection of the superior male.


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## landshark (Feb 17, 2018)

agouderia said:


> I hate so say it, but that is the essence of superiority.
> 
> By showing your affection in public you make clear you have a status that allows you to deny society's expectations. And that this superiority of yours is like a mantle of protection you use to shield your wife. Which is not necessarily a step towards more acceptance - but just plays into the old animal kingdom patterns: Don't mess with the female under the protection of the superior male.



Not really. The discussion has centered on public affection but public affection is really just an extension of the affection I show in the privacy of our own home. I am constantly fawning all over her and she eats it up. Thats key: above every other reason out there, I display affection toward my wife because she enjoys receiving it.

Not trying to be argumentative. I disagree with your conclusion either way but until now Ive not really shared the private aspect of our relationship dynamic and where displays of affection fit. I dont know if this additional information would lead you reconsider your conclusion because it was based only on partial information. Ill not worry about it either way.


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## agouderia (Feb 17, 2018)

Sorry happily_married - but the real nature of your private relation with your wife is totally irrelevant for how your public relationship communication is received. (Think of all the celebrities who put up a gushing show on the red carpets of this world - and later on everybody finds out it was all faked).

Communication is a 2-way street - is not only what the sender intends to communicate, but also how the receivers understand it.

And in the public sphere, people see only something like short clips - and especially if it is non-verbal or paraverbal interaction, they will more or less automatically sort it under existing patterns and stereotypes.

Meaning your public affection for your wife is not perceived as an FA statement - but the fit, white guy marking his territory.

If it were the other way around - your fat wife being hands on with affection for her fit guy - different stereotypes would kick in. The needy fat woman who does everything to keep the poor fit guy in her clutches, maybe up to thoughts of a reverse Wallis Simpson phenomenon.

There is (almost) no public awareness for FA-dom - and getting an unknown message across just doesn't work. 

This is not an uplifting rationale - but as mentioned in the other thread, denying realities parameters doesn't help the cause either.


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## landshark (Feb 17, 2018)

^ Im sure there are some who do perceive it as youve described, but thats not unique to a couple like me and my wife. That possible perception can apply to literally ANY type of couple. Any and every possible combination. 

To top it off, it would be laughable to assume that is the only possible perception people have in response to seeing me or any other couple show affection in public. There is literally no limit to the way a person may react to what he or she sees. Human behavior can only be quantified or conform to expected patterns of behavior to limited extents. Any individual is an outlier in one way shape or form. Thats part of what makes us individuals.

As for the cause Ill be clear about this: my cause is my wifes happiness. Ill continue to interact with her in a way that makes her happy. If people resort to their own preconceived stereotypes in order to rationalize what theyve seen so be it. I have a good thing here and Im not going to deviate from something that makes my wife happy and risk alienating her for any cause.


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## fuelingfire (Feb 17, 2018)

agouderia said:


> Sorry happily_married - but the real nature of your private relation with your wife is totally irrelevant for how your public relationship communication is received. (Think of all the celebrities who put up a gushing show on the red carpets of this world - and later on everybody finds out it was all faked).
> 
> Communication is a 2-way street - is not only what the sender intends to communicate, but also how the receivers understand it.
> 
> ...



I realize you somehow specialize in communication. I don't. But i find your statements relating to this thread and the other related thread as just off. I feel like you are attempting to apply a theory that normally applies to a similar situation, but it is leading you in the wrong direction. Your statements just seem out of touch.

As sure as I am, that I am writing a post on Dims, there are people who stare at couples where the man is fit and the woman is a SSBBW and wonder why they are together. I have talked to/over heard people, who didnt know I was a FA, talking about how some other fit guy was with a SSBBW and they didnt get why. I have heard this many times! There is a reason why there is a FA closet.

I am sure not everyone wonders why, probably even many dont. I would even go as far as to say, I am sure there are times where I am wrong about what I am witnessing. The idea that I am misinterpreting most of them I am being civil here. I dont know your life experience, and what you have witnessed. You might want to widen your gaze. It is silly to just say no one is noticing or that we are misreading almost all of these interactions. 

The message is he is attracted to the woman he is with. People might/probably dont know he is a FA, but they see him being happy with the person he is with. This sits outside of social norms. He is fit and should want a fit partner. He is deviating from that, and is choosing to be with someone society would not expect him to want to be with.

Similarly, but not the same. I have written about this many times. I am invisible to fat women when I am by myself, but I get noticed by thin women frequently. When I am with a fat girlfriend, I get noticed by *a lot *of fat women. I would go as far to say that the best wingman for a FA, is another fat woman. I am bringing this up to say, people do notice.


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## fuelingfire (Feb 17, 2018)

happily_married said:


> There is literally no limit to the way a person may react to what he or she sees.



The reactions that I have posted about are the most overt reactions. I do see reactions that I don't post about. I see a lot of puzzled looks. I don't know what they really mean, and they don't bother me.


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## landshark (Feb 17, 2018)

fuelingfire said:


> The reactions that I have posted about are the most overt reactions. I do see reactions that I don't post about. I see a lot of puzzled looks. I don't know what they really mean, and they don't bother me.



Its the same for me. I share the more significant interactions. 

Well said in the post above.


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## agouderia (Feb 18, 2018)

fuelingfire said:


> The reactions that I have posted about are the most overt reactions.



The point of this entire exchange are not the overt reactions - that happens all the time. And as a fat woman myself who has always spent as much of her time on the beach as possible I've gotten my fair share of those too.

I never denied that nasty people go about fat shaming - or react negatively to anything that somehow does not conform to social standards and expectations. Try going out with a thin woman who wears an eccentric hat - some people will feel the need to react to that too (unless you're out in Ascot).

So of course we will all have heard them.

What has been happening in roughly 50% of the episodes related here is that there the only "evidence" we have are interpretations of non- and para-verbal 'communication' interpretations through FA eyes. Some of them just aren't very convincing when seen through normal and not FA lenses.

After now several exchanges about reality as such and reality as perceived by FAs, I see this discussion is pointless.


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## TwoSwords (Feb 18, 2018)

LoveBHMS said:


> Do you really believe it's "an ok thing to feel" that you enjoy having people wonder why you're with your wife?



I like laughing behind my hand at cluelessness. Is that so wrong?


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## TwoSwords (Feb 18, 2018)

UserNameName said:


> So some comments on another thread really got me thinking about this: We all know FAs love fat bodies in a sexual manner. But do they also enjoy it because it makes them feel superior?



I have a very hard time feeling superior around any human being because I have basically no influence over anyone. I *especially* can't feel superior around a very fat person of any type, because I *wish* I had their good looks.


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## extra_m13 (Feb 23, 2018)

that point of view, and that comment of how can they be together totally misses the point, because me, being with my fat wife feel very proud of it, it is just that most of society doesn't get it, and that is ok with me because otherwise there would be much less fat girls available for us


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## landshark (Feb 24, 2018)

^ Yeah part of me thinks some people just dont know what theyre missing. I think a lot of guys who dont like fat girls would if they just gave them a chance. Still, Ive said countless times here: you cant force preference.

In other news this thread really piqued my curiosity into something I cannot honestly say Ive considered until now. I have always been aware of the guys who dated fat women either out of desperation or the belief that a fat girl would be an easy lay. When I first started dating fat girls I probably appeared to be one of these guys until I reached a point where I realized fat girls require no special treatment: theyre just regular girls. 

But an angle I have really thought about is the power dynamic. That is to say, the very superiority complex this thread raises. Guys who want to be in control seek compliant, submissive and vulnerable women. Im sure theres a spectrum that ranges from very subtle to outright abusive and those women who fall victim to these men certainly are not limited to fat women. Still I wonder how many guys actually target fat women under the belief they will be ulnerable, desperate, etc. 

Some of the fat women Ive dated, and especially the one Im married to, these guys would be in for a rude awakening! Sadly many find exactly what theyre looking for.


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 24, 2018)

You're missing that there's an inherent imbalance in your relationship. She may be dominant, but that's because you enjoy it and allow it. If you broke up tomorrow, which of you would have an easier time finding a new partner? Which of you would have a more comfortable lifestyle? If you were both single, you'd be a physically fit male with a graduate degree and a six figure income, she'd be a 400 pound single mom.

There's a superiority on your end whether or not you admit it.


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## fuelingfire (Feb 24, 2018)

LoveBHMS said:


> You're missing that there's an inherent imbalance in your relationship. She may be dominant, but that's because you enjoy it and allow it. If you broke up tomorrow, which of you would have an easier time finding a new partner? Which of you would have a more comfortable lifestyle? If you were both single, you'd be a physically fit male with a graduate degree and a six figure income, she'd be a 400 pound single mom.
> 
> There's a superiority on your end whether or not you admit it.



That is a very creepy way to view a relationship!


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## landshark (Feb 24, 2018)

fuelingfire said:


> That is a very creepy way to view a relationship!



If not creepy a very sad way to go about living ones life. She also seems to have missed wide right on some of the acknowledgements Ive made. Im not going to rehash the personal aspect to this, I believe its adequately on the record. Anyway its not even what I was talking about in my latest post. That was a more big-picture musing about guys who actively seek out plus size women under the belief theyre vulnerable. Ive always known opportunists were out there, but I never considered it from the lens of societys valuation of those with one body type over another.


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 24, 2018)

fuelingfire said:


> That is a very creepy way to view a relationship!



Considering that _all_ I know about their relationship is what's been posted on here, that's unfair and shortsighted. He almost gleefully recounts his wife's eating habits, as well as his own fitness and workout efforts.

There's also the practical social norms. No reasonable person does not think that if they broke up, he would be far more desirable on the open market.


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## fuelingfire (Feb 25, 2018)

LoveBHMS said:


> Considering that _all_ I know about their relationship is what's been posted on here, that's unfair and shortsighted. He almost gleefully recounts his wife's eating habits, as well as his own fitness and workout efforts.
> 
> There's also the practical social norms. No reasonable person does not think that if they broke up, he would be far more desirable on the open market.



Why are you trying to break them up and then look at assets? This is an idea that you are introducing. The argument that you are attempting to make is that he is superior to his wife, even though he doesnt see it that way. What you are saying is not a healthy way to evaluate a relationship. This is creep. This is sad. 

You think you know his relationship from what has been written on Dimensions. What do I know about you from the your postings on Dimensions, that I have viewed? Your username implies you love BHMs. You seem to have an intense dislike for happily_married and repeatedly post about it. Wow, do I have you pegged! Do you realize how silly this looks.


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## landshark (Feb 25, 2018)

LoveBHMS said:


> Considering that _all_ I know about their relationship is what's been posted on here, that's unfair and shortsighted. He almost gleefully recounts his wife's eating habits, as well as his own fitness and workout efforts.
> 
> There's also the practical social norms. No reasonable person does not think that if they broke up, he would be far more desirable on the open market.



In the last 6 months Ive mentioned two, maybe three specific details about eating habits beyond just shes gaining weight. Whats interesting about your objection to this is there is an entire subforum dedicated to the celebration of weight gain. I dont see you being critical anyone who has posted there. I dont know what your problem is, but I know its YOUR problem. 

As for the social norm, I have repeatedly acknowledged they exist. You cant argue against that: its the underlying theme in much of what I post in the past year. However any couple is free to subscribe to those norms or ignore them outright within their relationship dynamic. We choose not to define ourselves by that social norm. Im not sure why you insist we do, and go fabricating scenarios where the social norm would apply to us, but it is a little weird. Is the thought of a fit guy being submissive to his overweight wife THAT disturbing to you?


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 25, 2018)

I never said I knew anything about his relationship. What I said is I was reacting to his posts because that's all I know.

People's sexuality is a private matter....be dom/sub whatever. None of my business. The initial stated purpose of this thread was discussing if skinny FA feel superior, and if they enjoy for any reason having outsiders wonder about them.

The only reason outsiders would express surprise by a mismatch is precisely because of the social power imbalance. Nobody reacts to a couple with different hair colors, or expresses shock if a golfer dates a tennis player. It's reasonable to believe that someone with less socially desirable traits brings something more desirable to a pairing. So if a woman dates a much older man you assume he's rich. If a woman dates beneath herself in socio economic status you'd assume he was super hot. Nobody is surprise when high earning men of color date white women.


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## fuelingfire (Feb 25, 2018)

LoveBHMS said:


> I never said I knew anything about his relationship. What I said is I was reacting to his posts because that's all I know.
> 
> People's sexuality is a private matter....be dom/sub whatever. None of my business. The initial stated purpose of this thread was discussing if skinny FA feel superior, and if they enjoy for any reason having outsiders wonder about them.
> 
> The only reason outsiders would express surprise by a mismatch is precisely because of the social power imbalance. Nobody reacts to a couple with different hair colors, or expresses shock if a golfer dates a tennis player. It's reasonable to believe that someone with less socially desirable traits brings something more desirable to a pairing. So if a woman dates a much older man you assume he's rich. If a woman dates beneath herself in socio economic status you'd assume he was super hot. Nobody is surprise when high earning men of color date white women.



I was actually assuming you went off the reservation, and didnt care what the thread was about. As you continued after HM.

Have you noticed, once HM and I clarified the message of the other thread, the author of this thread has not reposted in this thread. Or that not a single FA has come here to post, YES! I enjoy feeling superior to my partner!

I will even concede there are probably a few FAs out there that do enjoy feeling superior to their partner. I would argue that whatever that percentage is, its probably the same in the non-FA community.

As your username is LoveBHMS leading me to believe you are a FFA, still applying if you are a FA, do you enjoy feeling superior to your partner? How does your partner feel about that?


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 25, 2018)

As agouderia pointed out, the social dynamic is different for males. I've dated a fat lawyer and a skinny tradesman....the tradesman was who drew attention. This is a situation where there just is not an analogous dunamic.


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## fuelingfire (Feb 25, 2018)

LoveBHMS said:


> As agouderia pointed out, the social dynamic is different for males. I've dated a fat lawyer and a skinny tradesman....the tradesman was who drew attention. This is a situation where there just is not an analogous dunamic.



Have you noticed, once HM and I clarified the message of the other thread, the author of this thread has not reposted in this thread. Or that not a single FA has come here to post, YES! I enjoy feeling superior to my partner!


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## Fat Molly (Mar 20, 2018)

I don't know if this is 'the right' way to feel, but I get a huge rush of satisfaction turning down 'conventionally attractive' guys in favor of enormous sexy delicious men. 

"Eh, gain fifty pounds around the middle, then we'll talk." 

Or, like my current situation - I have two guy friends. Both into me. I'm sleeping with one of them and it's hot and awesome and I love it. The other is more conventionally attractive. As per politics of our friendgroup, my Friend With Benefits and I keep our relationship on the DownLow, so conventionally attractive friend hits on me once in a while. 

recently, we went to a party all three of us together, and afterwards I stayed over at FWB's house. we asked other friend to text when he got home safe bc you know, friend. he proceeded to text us, and told me, 'you get two smiley faces and I only gave FWB one' or something, and I find this flirtation so exceptionally amusing - it's like, you KNOW i'm staying over at FWB's house, and you see him as so much a non-threat that you flirt with me while I'm at his place because OBVIOUSLY I wouldn't be sleeping with him because of his size? 

lOLOLOOLO sweet summer child you have no clueeeeeeee 


so in that sense i feel superior to the douche but not superior to my FWB (like huh??) is that what we're talking about here?


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## CrystalCluster (Mar 30, 2018)

I have a little tiny something to add to this, although I have conflicted feelings myself about it. _Purely_ as fantasy, I can enjoy thinking that my (thinner) partner is superior to me when we're...doing stuff. I think that there are other examples that can be found in other dynamics (I've met a submissive that wanted his doms to also be superior, and then I've come across a guy who--as role play--would want to be the "better" or "superior" sex partner). And so long as all this remains to be fantasies and/or role plays, I don't see anything wrong with it.

But outside of that, a partner feeling that they're genuinely superior is not a comfortable feeling. I'm not sure which OP truly meant, but there's my two cents.


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## TwoSwords (Mar 30, 2018)

CrystalCluster said:


> I have a little tiny something to add to this, although I have conflicted feelings myself about it. _Purely_ as fantasy, I can enjoy thinking that my (thinner) partner is superior to me when we're...doing stuff. I think that there are other examples that can be found in other dynamics (I've met a submissive that wanted his doms to also be superior, and then I've come across a guy who--as role play--would want to be the "better" or "superior" sex partner). And so long as all this remains to be fantasies and/or role plays, I don't see anything wrong with it.
> 
> But outside of that, *a partner feeling that they're genuinely superior is not a comfortable feeling.* I'm not sure which OP truly meant, but there's my two cents.



I think, for me, there is only one possible exception to this, and that would be if the person or persons in question genuinely was superior to me in some sort of marked way. In that case, their ability to notice this would be a mere recognition of the obvious truth, and I love me some truth.


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## CrystalCluster (Mar 30, 2018)

TwoSwords said:


> I think, for me, there is only one possible exception to this, and that would be if the person or persons in question genuinely was superior to me in some sort of marked way. In that case, their ability to notice this would be a mere recognition of the obvious truth, and I love me some truth.



If it's something like a super intendent being over a manager, or someone who is otherwise better at a skill than another, then sure, of course! But the "superiority" that the OP was referring to was something intrinsic in an individual, something that *made him inherently superior over his fat partner. In which case I think everyone here could agree that there isn't such a thing.

* - Should be noted that he didn't seem to mean it in the literal sense


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## landshark (Mar 30, 2018)

Fat Molly said:


> I don't know if this is 'the right' way to feel, but I get a huge rush of satisfaction turning down 'conventionally attractive' guys in favor of enormous sexy delicious men.



I once experienced something similar to this shortly after I started dating fat women. Confronted with a chance to pursue a woman who was ~350 pounds and another who was more conventionally attractive it literally gave me an adrenaline rush as I felt myself making decisions that favored the bigger girl. It wasnt so much that it brought me satisfaction to reject the other one but it was definitely exciting to feel attraction for a certain body type Id had and kept beneath the surface for a really long time was strong enough to actually drive my decisions toward a fat woman and away from other options.


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## TwoSwords (Mar 30, 2018)

CrystalCluster said:


> If it's something like a super intendent being over a manager, or someone who is otherwise better at a skill than another, then sure, of course! But the "superiority" that the OP was referring to was something intrinsic in an individual, something that *made him inherently superior over his fat partner. In which case I think everyone here could agree that there isn't such a thing.
> 
> * - Should be noted that he didn't seem to mean it in the literal sense



Yeah. If we're talking about a sort of "I'm a more valuable human being than you" kind of attitude, no living person should claim that.


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## fuelingfire (Mar 31, 2018)

happily_married said:


> I once experienced something similar to this shortly after I started dating fat women. Confronted with a chance to pursue a woman who was ~350 pounds and another who was more conventionally attractive it literally gave me an adrenaline rush as I felt myself making decisions that favored the bigger girl. It wasnt so much that it brought me satisfaction to reject the other one but it was definitely exciting to feel attraction for a certain body type Id had and kept beneath the surface for a really long time was strong enough to actually drive my decisions toward a fat woman and away from other options.



I am amused when approached by conventionally attractive women attempting to flirt with me. I only find fat women attractive, so I am just flattered by the attention. I often will even flirt back because flirting is fun. Most women pick up on me not trying to advance more conversation, when given the opportunity to do so, and then they back off.

I do get a rush if I get to point out who I am dating is, to the thin woman. I have witnessed some truly funny facial expressions when that happens. I am sure part of their reaction is just, oops he has a girlfriend. Though the thin woman, scanning up and down with her eyes, of the fat girlfriends body, implies they are trying to understand, why this person? Its mostly because I am outing myself as a FA, that I get the rush.

Sort of related side story: A little while ago 3 of us at work were working at the same computer in swiveling office chairs. I am friends with both of these women. One is thin and conventionally attractive, and we frequently engage in mild flirting. The is a beautiful short fat girl, though I am very nice to her I intentionally dont flirt with her. I dont want to tempt myself.
The thin woman says she cant get comfortable in the chair and says she is going to straddle it, and sits backwards in it while wearing leggings.
The fat woman says, you know (fuelingfire) is just going to stare at your ass!
The thin woman giggled. In my mind I am screaming, the thin woman could be buck naked and I would still be checking out the fat girl.
Since happened, after becoming facebook friends, she figured it out and asked if I prefer thick girls.


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## Fat Molly (Apr 21, 2018)

Hahahahahahaha love it ^.^

I guess that’s the rush I have too... outing myself as an FA


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## LifelongFA (Jun 13, 2018)

At the risk of offending y'all, I am not sure it always that complicated. I simply prefer large women - always have - and I won't ever change. How is that any different than a woman liking a tall man or having a preference for hair color, hair length, etc? It is but one element in a relationship, albeit an important one, but still just one.


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## Colonial Warrior (Jun 13, 2018)

LifelongFA said:


> At the risk of offending y'all, I am not sure it always that complicated. I simply prefer large women - always have - and I won't ever change. How is that any different than a woman liking a tall man or having a preference for hair color, hair length, etc? It is but one element in a relationship, albeit an important one, but still just one.


I agree with you 100%!!!


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