# Feeling conflicted about my attraction (V. FA/FFA)



## blubrluvr (Oct 25, 2010)

I know I'll probably be accused of being a hater or misinformed fat phobic, but here goes...

I've ALWAYS been aroused by fat women. During my adolescence I sought out images in the ads for weight loss products in "Lady's Home Journal" and other womens' magazines. When I went to the library, I'd spend hours looking through books about the Circus to see if there were images of fat ladies. To this day, I'm aroused when I see a woman who has gained weight. I married a normal size woman who I love more than anything. During her child bearing years she went up to close to 200 pounds (while pregnant) and was 180 a few years postpartum. At 5'6" tall in a size 18, she was barely a BBW. She has since lost weight and now is in the 135 pound range. Fortunately for me, she has large breasts which never cease to arouse me. We're very happily married.

But I still find huge women attractive. It's an animal attraction. Totally irrational. Yes, there may be "healthy" 400 pound folk out there, but at that weight most humans start to develop diabetes and serum cholesterol levels that can be unhealthy. When mobility begins to be compromised, the danger becomes even more manifest. Imagine not being able to flee a burning building?

Yet, I continue to be aroused. It disturbs me. The thought of seeing a 1000 pound woman naked turns me on. Yet, my rational mind says such a woman would likely be very close to death. It makes me feel like a freak. A monster.

Anyone else feel this way?


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## EvilPrincess (Oct 27, 2010)

Please remember this the FA/FFA Board, and that all guidelines apply 

for a refresher go here


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## Brenda (Oct 27, 2010)

Since you feel bad about being attracted to fat women and because your solid beliefs about their poor health I think it is best to not pursue it in any fashion.

I think Walmart is bad for the country on a number of levels but I am attracted because of the low prices and the fact they are conveniently located so I am conflicted. In this case I had to make a decision I could live with so I decided to never, ever shop there. Sure sometimes I will hear about a great deal or need to get something at an odd hour and feel a tinge but I go with my rule of conduct. After a while it was easy and I now very rarely even feel the tinge.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Oct 28, 2010)

Wild Zero said:


> Since the post is now on the FA/FFA forum I think the OP's post violates the following rules of this subforum:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I'm out of rep, but thank you for saying this.:bow: I actually started two responses to this thread, one for each of its incarnations, but I couldn't quite put my finger on how to say it. You've done an excellent job, sir.


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## Dolce (Oct 28, 2010)

On the one hand I really understand the animosty towards this thread yet on the other I would love to know how guys have dealt with this and let them have an honest conversation. I am sure there are a lot of lurkers out there who feel the same as this poster. Yes, he could go to a therapist who has never even heard of fat fetishism and FA's (not that the two are mutually exclusive) but what better place to discuss it than Dims? 

As a female feedee I often have conflicting feelings about my desires to just give in and get big. I want an FA but posts like this make me wonder if I will ever lose enough weight to find a "real FA". How messed up is that? I can only imagine how SS people feel...

We have all seen this post. We are not going to die if we let conflicted people talk. I do understand that the words are hurtful but I do believe they come from a hurting place and that there are certain emotional needs that are fulfilled by these desires for fatness. I wish so bad that some lurkers would feel safe enough to come out and talk about their feelings as well. So often we wish men would tell us what they are really feeling but when they do we point out the flaws in their thinking rather than just listening and showing compassion.

Granted it would be great if everyone could be tactful but many struggle with finding the right words. For me, as a feedee, and maybe for the OP, I struggle with having this preference while still searching for intimacy within a relationship. I want my needs met but I do not want to be objectified in the process. It seems that this "fetish" or "preference" or whatever causes a lot of men and women to lack intimacy in their personal relationships because they have no one to share these feelings and desires with. Some have chosen partners that are unable to fulfill these needs and desires of their own volition. Why? What are their reasons and justifications?

This is a real struggle for many FA's and although I hate to see anyone hurt, myself included, I would like to know what they think and feel and how they deal with it. Yes, many of them date thin women. But why? The reasons may seem irrational but they are their reasons nonetheless. It is their cross to bear and I want to know what it is like.

To the OP... I do feel your pain... but try not to post when you're pissed off... I have done it before myself and it leaves you feeling even more misunderstood (and like a jerk).


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## Dr. P Marshall (Oct 28, 2010)

Dolce said:


> On the one hand......



As an FFA , I appreciate your interest in showing compassion to conflicted fat admirers and wanting a place for us to speak. That is the purpose of the FA/FFA board, after all. But I don't actually think it's a lack of compassion that is at work here. I think the problem people are having is that this particular OP is in a position to only fantasize about SSBBW if what he says about his marriage is true. He actually has more in common with non-FAs who find their fantasies (of any type) disturbing to themselves. I get being disturbed by your own fantasies, believe me, I'm a weight gain fetishist, got feeder tendencies, an FFA got the whole thing covered. It took me a while to come to terms with all of my fetishes (never had a problem with the FFA part), so I understand wanting a safe place to talk about those things. But to me his post doesn't read that way. I really feel like this is a guy reveling in interacting with the "forbidden fruit" of his desires and they are desires that he obviously thinks are bad or taboo. That may even be part of the turn on for him. There is something very voyeuristic about his approach not only to super sized people, but also to fat admirers who live life with or are pursuing fat partners. There is an undercurrent of chastisement to all of us. To me it comes across as if he thinks we're all wrong and he wants us all to beat ourselves up over this whether we are FAs or fat people. 

But if he's seriously dealing with FA guilt, there is this thread. Which should probably be a sticky so it's easier to find. (Hint, hint mods )
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=57224

And we have had threads by fat admirers who are married to thin people on this board, but those never came across the way this one does to me. But what do I know.


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## natepogue (Oct 28, 2010)

This thread isn't violating any rules. 

The guy isn't dehumanizing anyone (lol, hypersensitivity)

Sure, he has no plans to be with someone that is super-sized, but using that as one of the reasons he's "not allowed" to voice his thoughts on here is ridiculous. I'm not a super-size person, so I can't see why it's so hurtful to read the guys post. Nothing he has mentioned about the health of someone who is large is a lie, nor out of ill-intentions. It sounds like folks would rather never hear any of the negatives about being obese and if you happen to voice concern for those negatives, in any context, you're just a jerk. I don't understand this at all and I think that this behavior in itself should be against rules. 

My advice to this gentleman still stands; Enjoy your loving wife who seems to be handling your "FA-ness" quite beautifully and as an additional note, stop worrying about the health of those you fantasize over. They don't seem to take kindly to your "concern" so that should tell you enough right there.


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## Dolce (Oct 28, 2010)

Nate.. Nate... please... I beg of you... please don't derail this thread. I'm begging.... PLEASE!!!!


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## Aswani (Oct 28, 2010)

The responses to the OP's opening post really confuse me. Even though it's clear the OP is stating a sincere and sound care about the health and mortality of the type of women he finds attractive, the responses have been unjustly judgmental and just plain mean-spirited. If you know his underlying message is one of sincere concern and benevolence, why do you choose to take his wordage and demonize him for it instead of kindly telling him his message of concern would be conveyed stronger using different terms? We all know he's not stating he feels like a freak for being attracted to BBW, because he said--in no uncertain terms--that it's his desire to see a large woman grow well beyond a healthy size that's making him feel morally and personally conflicted--like a "monster". If you know what he's trying to convey, why do you choose to twist his intentions? 

What I also don't understand is why is this man labeled and demonized as a body objectifier when much of we males' allure to this board has to do with our interest in seeing women grow well beyond substantial size--and many of us encourage actual living, breathing women to do so with--what appears to be--not one shred of concern for what that's doing to her health. So here's someone that's stating he IS concerned for the welfare of the women that engage in such a practice--and he's labeled as someone who doesn't see women for what they are beyond their body. This is absolute lunacy. He's one of the few people I've seen on this board that actually IS attaching life and all the functions that go with life to the women he finds attractive. On a site that hosts a place where women should grow, GROW, GROW, it's the man who's saying there's serious health ramifications that's being labeled a demon? That's just plain strange. Most men don't care what becomes of a 500lb woman that's being encouraged to gain another 200 lbs to reach a personal goal--and if they are concerned for that lovely lady's health, I'm assuming they tell themselves "Well she's an adult. She's made an adult decision and she knows what's best for her body". 

It's odd how most of us here would probably see red if we read a news article about an online community of men that are successfully convincing women under 100lb who are suffering from Anorexia to keep losing weight, because they grow lovelier with each pound they shed. We would be horrified and angered. So why is it any different if the body modification is happening on the other end of the spectrum? 

Again, it boggles my mind that many of the women here are protective of the men that have little concern for the mortality of the women whose bodies they're encouraging to change (which is a bit ludicrous in the first place considering this is a "Size Acceptance" board), but they have heated and spiteful words towards someone who felt safe to come forth to reveal he's fantasizing about things that he believes are harmful to others. He wasn't even telling people here to be mindful of what they eat or how much they gain. He's expressing things he feels _within himself_ about the real-life manifestations of his fantasies.

Again, his wording may be clunky, awkward and even insulting to your own personal senses, but if you know what his true intentions are--work with him--listen to him--don't chase him away.


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## Dolce (Oct 28, 2010)

Aswani said:


> He wasn't even telling people here to be mindful of what they eat or how much they gain. He's expressing things he feels _within himself_ about the real-life manifestations of his fantasies.
> 
> Again, his wording may be clunky, awkward and even insulting to your own personal senses, but if you know what his true intentions are--work with him--listen to him--don't chase him away.



I have to agree... if you look at the paysite board there are typically over 150 people viewing it at any given time. The FA/FFA board usually has only 4 or 5. Lately it's over 20. Maybe people are viewing this thread? Perhaps that is just wishful thinking. Like I have said, right or wrong, TONS of men struggle with these feelings. Ignoring or admonishing them does nothing. Neither does explaining over and over why they are wrong for thinking this way. These are his feelings and although worded quite badly (and subsequent responses even worse) it does not change the fact that very few FA's actually come out and talk about this. It might be healing for them to be able to express these feelings without fear of condemnation. When I was little I did the exact same thing as the OP. I looked up world records for fat people and taped Jerry Springer episodes with huge, immobile women. Does that mean I don't see BBW's and BHM's as people? Of course not! But for those of us that are feeders and feedees these experiences have been a huge part of our sexual awakening. 

I have seen men over and over be put into good FA and bad FA camps. And the opinions of the good FA's are praised and the others booed. But as a smaller BBW who identifies as a feedee I can tell you some Dims crowned princes get off on the perceived weakness, helplessness, and diminished health of SSBBW's. I have cut off more than one friendship when shown blogs and told stories of things they thought I would be into being that I am a feedee. These are men that have no shame in their desire to harm a woman. Many of them desire extreme weight gain their real life relationships. Yet these are the so-called good guys and are appreciated as such. Yet someone who does show genuine horror for his fantasies of fattening a woman to the point that she would have diminished health is ostracised and called a fat-phobe. This is a guy who is not a lurker, he has posted many times vacillating between his awkward concern for the health of the SS and his appreciation of weight gain. He's not some nameless visitor only viewing the Paysite Board. Still, all those nameless men who visit are people nonetheless with hopes and dreams and fears just like every other human being on the planet. It's easy to judge but very few have intimate knowledge of each others real lives.

I know my point of view is going to be different from some because I am not super sized but that does not make it less valid. Can't we talk about this with the understanding that everything is relative? We can all fill in each others missing perspectives. Now I am not talking about moral relativism.. just a simple discussion where we all put away our guns and actually listen to each other for once rather than making accusations and being reproachful. Although I understand the meaning and truth behind these criticisms it would be helpful to show more patience. We just might learn something! We might even grow and change and mature!


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## natepogue (Oct 28, 2010)

Aswani said:


> The responses to the OP's opening post really confuse me. Even though it's clear the OP is stating a sincere and sound care about the health and mortality of the type of women he finds attractive, the responses have been unjustly judgmental and just plain mean-spirited. If you know his underlying message is one of sincere concern and benevolence, why do you choose to take his wordage and demonize him for it instead of kindly telling him his message of concern would be conveyed stronger using different terms? We all know he's not stating he feels like a freak for being attracted to BBW, because he said--in no uncertain terms--that it's his desire to see a large woman grow well beyond a healthy size that's making him feel morally and personally conflicted--like a "monster". If you know what he's trying to convey, why do you choose to twist his intentions?
> 
> What I also don't understand is why is this man labeled and demonized as a body objectifier when much of we males' allure to this board has to do with our interest in seeing women grow well beyond substantial size--and many of us encourage actual living, breathing women to do so with--what appears to be--not one shred of concern for what that's doing to her health. So here's someone that's stating he IS concerned for the welfare of the women that engage in such a practice--and he's labeled as someone who doesn't see women for what they are beyond their body. This is absolute lunacy. He's one of the few people I've seen on this board that actually IS attaching life and all the functions that go with life to the women he finds attractive. On a site that hosts a place where women should grow, GROW, GROW, it's the man who's saying there's serious health ramifications that's being labeled a demon? That's just plain strange. Most men don't care what becomes of a 500lb woman that's being encouraged to gain another 200 lbs to reach a personal goal--and if they are concerned for that lovely lady's health, I'm assuming they tell themselves "Well she's an adult. She's made an adult decision and she knows what's best for her body".
> 
> ...



:bow: This guy has it nailed down. I really hope the people who are bashing this guy read this and see that his logic is sound and theirs is severely flawed and that their posts demonizing him are really uncalled for.


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## Aswani (Oct 28, 2010)

Dolce said:


> These are men that have no shame in their desire to harm a woman. Many of them desire extreme weight gain their real life relationships. Yet these are the so-called good guys and are appreciated as such. Yet someone who does show genuine horror for his fantasies of fattening a woman to the point that she would have diminished health is ostracised and called a fat-phobe.



That is the most bizarre aspect of Dimensions. People that are outspoken about how intensely they want to see women gain--even to the point of starting threads to express their disappointment when they see the women are not putting up an honest effort to hit that 500lb mark--are addressed as if they were royalty in comparison to the OP here who seems to actually OWN a consciousness towards the women he interacts with here.

I think the hot button is that the OP is address the issues of weight and health which is a very sensitive spot for most BBW/SSBBW here since they've been hearing about that all of their lives. But clearly the OP is saying big is unquestionably beautiful--but tampering with ones weight to an extreme level simply for the sake of fun and play will most likely have some strong negative ramifications--be they fat OR skinny. And if you don't consider that a true concern, you're in denial.


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## Scorsese86 (Oct 28, 2010)

blubrluvr said:


> Yet, I continue to be aroused. It disturbs me. The thought of seeing a 1000 pound woman naked turns me on. Yet, my rational mind says such a woman would likely be very close to death. It makes me feel like a freak. A monster.
> 
> Anyone else feel this way?



1000lbs? Maybe a bit too much - for me at least.

But do I feel like a freak because I like BBWs and SSBBWs? No.
So I can't relate to this. I might be a freak, but it has nothing to do with my preferance.

Also, if you feel uncomfortable about what you like... you might need more help than what Dims can give you.


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## Aswani (Oct 28, 2010)

Scorsese86 said:


> 1000lbs? Maybe a bit too much - for me at least.
> 
> But do I feel like a freak because I like BBWs and SSBBWs? No.
> So I can't relate to this. I might be a freak, but it has nothing to do with my preferance.
> ...



Scorcese, he's not saying he's a freak or a monster for liking BBW or SSBBW, he's saying he feels like that because he gets aroused at the idea of them growing to a size that would most likely kill her. That's the part that he's struggling with.


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## Scorsese86 (Oct 28, 2010)

Aswani said:


> Scorcese, he's not saying he's a freak or a monster for liking BBW or SSBBW, he's saying he feels like that because he gets aroused at the idea of them growing to a size that would most likely kill her. That's the part that he's struggling with.



All right, sorry for the confusion.


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## Lovelyone (Oct 29, 2010)

Aswani said:


> The responses to the OP's opening post really confuse me. Even though it's clear the OP is stating a sincere and sound care about the health and mortality of the type of women he finds attractive, the responses have been unjustly judgmental and just plain mean-spirited. If you know his underlying message is one of sincere concern and benevolence, why do you choose to take his wordage and demonize him for it instead of kindly telling him his message of concern would be conveyed stronger using different terms? We all know he's not stating he feels like a freak for being attracted to BBW, because he said--in no uncertain terms--that it's his desire to see a large woman grow well beyond a healthy size that's making him feel morally and personally conflicted--like a "monster". If you know what he's trying to convey, why do you choose to twist his intentions?
> 
> What I also don't understand is why is this man labeled and demonized as a body objectifier when much of we males' allure to this board has to do with our interest in seeing women grow well beyond substantial size--and many of us encourage actual living, breathing women to do so with--what appears to be--not one shred of concern for what that's doing to her health. So here's someone that's stating he IS concerned for the welfare of the women that engage in such a practice--and he's labeled as someone who doesn't see women for what they are beyond their body. This is absolute lunacy. He's one of the few people I've seen on this board that actually IS attaching life and all the functions that go with life to the women he finds attractive. On a site that hosts a place where women should grow, GROW, GROW, it's the man who's saying there's serious health ramifications that's being labeled a demon? That's just plain strange. Most men don't care what becomes of a 500lb woman that's being encouraged to gain another 200 lbs to reach a personal goal--and if they are concerned for that lovely lady's health, I'm assuming they tell themselves "Well she's an adult. She's made an adult decision and she knows what's best for her body".
> 
> ...


 
Well, I would totally respond to these questions (and did in a recent posting on this thread that was deleted) but apparently YOU are allowed to voice YOUR opinion on the subject, but women who truly DO feel objectified by that posting ARE NOT.


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## Wild Zero (Oct 29, 2010)

I understand Dimensions has a reputation for overly coddling FAs, but you'd think that when it came down to FAs disagreeing on the protected forum debate could flow freely. 

Maybe it's just me being conceited but considering I'm an FA who's been in a healthy relationship for the past 8 years and has many friends I've met via Dimensions who know me to be both a "good FA" and just a good person all-around I'd think my opinion would hold equal weight alongside the misogynistic ramblings of a closet case lurker who only seems to discuss "FA issues" by projecting his regret and shame on others.

Also pretty grossed out by the posts taking feederism to task.


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## Blackjack (Oct 29, 2010)

Wild Zero said:


> Maybe it's just me being conceited but considering I'm an FA who's been in a healthy relationship for the past 8 years and has many friends I've met via Dimensions who know me to be both a "good FA" and just a good person all-around *I'd think my opinion would hold equal weight alongside the misogynistic ramblings of a closet case lurker who only seems to discuss "FA issues" by projecting his regret and shame on others.*



Fuckin' a.

Why the hell was his post deleted? He made a damned good point.


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## blubrluvr (Oct 29, 2010)

I would like to thank the moderators for moving this thread to the right place. I'd also like to thank those who have helped clarify my position. I'm a very emotional person and even though I try to express myself rationally, sometimes my feelings get the best of me.

I've actually corresponded with a few of the ladies whose photos and videos have brought me a lot of pleasure over the years. Two have undergone WLS and appears to have come through without complications. One was considering WLS, but then entered into a relationship with a new man, and has subsequently gained another 200lbs. She told me she is planning on losing weight, but I question how supportive her partner is.

These women, have all experienced pain, diminished mobility and probably a fair share of public ridicule. The horrible truth is found them attractive at their heaviest. They are all sweet and loving individuals. Do I still find them attractive? Absolutely! I like big women, but that's not the only thing I value in a woman. If that were true, I'm sure my wife and I would have parted ways a long time ago.

To the Ladies: Take care you YOURSELF first. If you have any question about whether your man will accept you at any size, GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

Waiting to hear who else I've managed to offend.


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## LalaCity (Oct 31, 2010)

blubrluvr said:


> The thought of seeing a 1000 pound woman naked turns me on. Yet, my rational mind says such a woman would likely be very close to death. It makes me feel like a freak. A monster.
> 
> Anyone else feel this way?



At the end of the day we _all_ probably have some extreme fetish or fascination with something that is impractical, if not impossible.

Chuckle at it and move on.


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## TraciJo67 (Oct 31, 2010)

*************moderator edit***************


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## tonynyc (Nov 1, 2010)

blubrluvr said:


> I would like to thank the moderators for moving this thread to the right place. I'd also like to thank those who have helped clarify my position. I'm a very emotional person and even though I try to express myself rationally, sometimes my feelings get the best of me.
> 
> I've actually corresponded with a few of the ladies whose photos and videos have brought me a lot of pleasure over the years. Two have undergone WLS and appears to have come through without complications. One was considering WLS, but then entered into a relationship with a new man, and has subsequently gained another 200lbs. She told me she is planning on losing weight, but I question how supportive her partner is.
> 
> ...



*
How does your significant other feel about you visiting this wonderful site and corresponding with SSBBWs ? Does she feel angry ? supportive? 
*


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