# BBW FFAs-Do you think it's harder to find BHM?



## MickeyFFA (Jul 28, 2009)

Wow thats a lot of acronyms! haha This circumstance came up unintentionally in another thread and it made me curious.

My question is this: As big women do you feel you have a harder time finding big men? I know personally fat guys almost NEVER approach me. Even when I do approach them, I feel like they think the only reason I sought them out was because I'm fat too. I also think that thin/average guys are more willing to broaden their idea of the "ideal" body type and date a chubby women. To me it seems that some BHM like to date thin women to almost "prove" to their buddies that they don't have to "settle" because of their weight. I know that not ALL big men are into larger ladies and thats totally cool seeing as everyone has different preferences yada yada ya. It just seems to me that there are more thin FAs than BHM ones. I'm wondering if anyone else had noticed this or has any thoughts as to why?

These are ALL generalizations of course. Its just a phenomenon that I've observed in my twenty-something years of life. Am I completely off here?

I'm very interested to hear from all aspects of the FFA/BHM community, not just BBW FFAs (I just couldn't think of a better title).


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## Carl1h (Jul 29, 2009)

Hah, ask a question to BBW-FFAs and you get a response from an non FA BHM!

I do think that fat guys, like everyone else, can get caught up in the idea of getting the "best looking" partner they can. Society says the best looking ones are thin and so that's what they want, no real examination of themselves involved. I think people in general can grow out of that as they date and learn. I also think that there is sometimes self hatred in fat people's desire for thin partners. I'm speaking in a very broad sense about all the fat people in the world with this, and not at all pointing at anyone here, by the way.

Also, sometimes people just like what they like, with no need for any sort of convoluted psychobabble.

For myself, while I don't consider myself an FA I do feel that I have more in common with fat women, experience wise, and I never rule out anyone for being too big, though I might pass over a small woman as being unable to handle someone of my size (unfair as that would be). My experience also leads me to believe that a woman (I single out women because I don't date guys) who is fat is generally not much more likely to be attracted to a fat man than a thin woman is, and I imagine it's much the same with men. So, it can be hard to find someone no matter where you're looking. The herd can be a pretty shallow place.


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## bigmac (Jul 29, 2009)

MickeyFFA said:


> It just seems to me that there are more thin FAs than BHM ones. I'm wondering if anyone else had noticed this or has any thoughts as to why?



One reason I think there are more thin male FAs is that the fat ones don't get treated that well by the BBW community and therefore leave. Its been my experience (I've been around the BBW scene about 15 years) that a large number of BBWs are only interested in thin guys. Over the years my weight has fluctuated from about 250lbs to 320lbs on a 6'4" frame. I was a trim 255lbs at the 1995 NAAFA convention and I had women coming up to talk to me all weekend (one even gave me her room key). At the 2007 Vegas Bash I was a pudgy 320lbs (and of course had a few more gray hairs) -- I couldn't get a single female to even acknowledge my existence. As a result I swore of BBW events (why waste your money and effort to just get shot down).


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## chicken legs (Jul 29, 2009)

MickeyFFA said:


> Wow thats a lot of acronyms! haha This circumstance came up unintentionally in another thread and it made me curious.
> 
> My question is this: As big women do you feel you have a harder time finding big men? I know personally fat guys almost NEVER approach me. Even when I do approach them, I feel like they think the only reason I sought them out was because I'm fat too. I also think that thin/average guys are more willing to broaden their idea of the "ideal" body type and date a chubby women. To me it seems that some BHM like to date thin women to almost "prove" to their buddies that they don't have to "settle" because of their weight. I know that not ALL big men are into larger ladies and thats totally cool seeing as everyone has different preferences yada yada ya. It just seems to me that there are more thin FAs than BHM ones. I'm wondering if anyone else had noticed this or has any thoughts as to why?
> 
> ...



NO....and i never noticed it....


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## Melian (Jul 29, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> NO....and i never noticed it....



Seconded. Again, I'm not the target responder here, and this is purely observational, but I see a significantly larger number of BHM dating BBW vs BHM dating thin women.

In fact, I am one of the only thin women I know IRL whose partner is not an equally thin man (although I know plenty of thin men dating BBW).


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## suebeehoney (Jul 29, 2009)

I have definitely seen this happening - especially on internet dating sites. Not fat-friendly ones, obviously, but the run-of-the-mill dating sites, like Yahoo Personals, etc. 

You'll see a BHM - a really hot, hunky looking guy, in my opinion, and he'll state his preferences for a match that is "slim or athletic". Or the dreaded "height-weight proportionate" - I hate that term. Being a rather short BBW, I hate it all the more. 

I just find it incredibly ironic that some BHM's can't accept fat on someone else, but find it perfectly acceptable on themselves. Maybe I have the wrong viewpoint on it, but I do see it happen quite frequently.


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## escapist (Jul 29, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> NO....and i never noticed it....



** Squishes his BBW Girl against the wall and kisses her! **



MickeyFFA said:


> My question is this: As big women do you feel you have a harder time finding big men? I know personally fat guys almost NEVER approach me. Even when I do approach them, I feel like they think the only reason I sought them out was because I'm fat too. I also think that thin/average guys are more willing to broaden their idea of the "ideal" body type and date a chubby women. To me it seems that some BHM like to date thin women to almost "prove" to their buddies that they don't have to "settle" because of their weight. I know that not ALL big men are into larger ladies and thats totally cool seeing as everyone has different preferences yada yada ya. It just seems to me that there are more thin FAs than BHM ones. I'm wondering if anyone else had noticed this or has any thoughts as to why?



Yeah I only hear them complain about it on here. I've dated even married a BBW and I'm 500 lbs. to me even a 250 lb woman can be small. I've had some very short very chubby girls many of them were super sexy! They new they were big and they knew they ROCKED! Personality and confidence are always a priority....Big, tall, thick, or thin, if you're fun and sexy I'll want to see you again.

So take it how you will; there are some very attractive looking BBW's here. More often than not they loose me cause we just aren't compatible when it comes to personality and how we view life. If you cannot take life easy and roll with the punches I really don't want to hear about your drama on a constant daily basis. I can't really think of anybody who would. 

As to the outside world away from Dim's I have no clue. I can only speak for me as a BHM on BBW's....I often tend to love the ones who are just great to be with. Same as on Dim's :happy:

** Disclaimer: for the most part my comments are meant in general with no specific person in mind other than the women I've dated, been attracted too, or been in a relationship with.


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## the hanging belly (Jul 30, 2009)

I've only had one boyfriend, and though it didn't work out, he was fat (240lbs. 110kgs if my calculations are correct). I haven't had the experience with other guys, I've had a chubby guy like me, never a skinny one. Thats really all I can say on this matter.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jul 30, 2009)

This has never been discussed before :doh:


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## BBWBecky (Jul 30, 2009)

I too find it hard to find a BHM in Pa...
Most of the BHM's in my area are with somewhat skinny girls...
I think the bigger your girlfriend or boyfriend is the more comfortable you are with each other in other aspects of your life...


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## Carl1h (Jul 30, 2009)

Ninja Glutton said:


> This has never been discussed before :doh:



Oh, if you haven't seen this topic before then it's good that you saw this thread! J/K

To me this topic represents a very basic issue of fat acceptance. A lot of fat women feel like fat men won't give them the time of day and a lot of fat men feel like fat women won't give them the time of day. It speaks to moving past the idea of wanting to be accepted as a fat person one's self and towards accepting other fat people and ultimately accepting one's fat self.

I believe that there are a lot of fat people out there who still need to accept those things, even if people around these parts have already moved past it. It's a lot easier to examine other people's attitudes than it is to confront our own, but we still need to do it occasionally.


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## GordoNegro (Aug 1, 2009)

SsbbwFa's are the only ones for me, but I have noticed an increased number of bbw/ssbbw looking away as my scale numbers rose but deep down I repect that as everyone is entitled to their preferences.
Though for the OP, BBW/SSbbw admiring bhm/ssbhm are still out there and worth waiting for.


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## SweetBBWStriving (Aug 3, 2009)

I have deifinotely experienced this myself. I'm a plus sized female who loves large men. I'll date anyone who has the personality characteristics that I seek but have a special place in my heart for my teddy bears but I don't get the time of day from larger men.


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## OneHauteMama (Aug 3, 2009)

SweetBBWStriving said:


> I have deifinotely experienced this myself. I'm a plus sized female who loves large men. I'll date anyone who has the personality characteristics that I seek but have a special place in my heart for my teddy bears but I don't get the time of day from larger men.




That's usually my experience as well. I've seen 2 BHM's in recent weeks that really caught my eye...like, I think I was drooling...and then both of them were with skinny chicks. Usually it's the thinner guys who are interested in me, and while I would give _anyone _a chance, my preference is for a bigger guy. I can't help it. While I HAVE dated or had relationships with 4 BHM's, I find that nowadays it's kind of rare for me to see a BHM who is interested in BBWs, let alone interested in ME. Maybe it's just my general area.


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## Teleute (Aug 3, 2009)

Here's the thing: I've been turned down by BHMs, sure, but it hasn't happened any more when I've been fat than when I've been thin. I've been both during my adult life, and for me there doesn't seem to be a statistically significant difference between the responses at different weights. 

I think there are a few factors that give the appearance of these "patterns" in dating that are so frequently discussed here. One is that people (all people, not just on here) tend to compare themselves obsessively with the love interests/flirtation targets of their crushes, and make generalizations based on that comparison... and around these parts, one of the most immediately-grasped differences is whether someone is fat or thin, because it's the topic of so much discussion. Secondly, EVERYONE feels they get hit on more by people in whom they're not interested. I imagine that's at least partially because we don't act as nervous around those we don't find attractive, and confidence is an attractive trait to most people. 

Of course, this is just speculation - but it's something I've been kind of poking at in my head for a while, because I see it come up so often. Anyone else have thoughts on this?


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## Cors (Aug 3, 2009)

Teleute said:


> I think there are a few factors that give the appearance of these "patterns" in dating that are so frequently discussed here. One is that people (all people, not just on here) tend to compare themselves obsessively with the love interests/flirtation targets of their crushes, and make generalizations based on that comparison... and around these parts, one of the most immediately-grasped differences is whether someone is fat or thin, because it's the topic of so much discussion. Secondly, EVERYONE feels they get hit on more by people in whom they're not interested. I imagine that's at least partially because we don't act as nervous around those we don't find attractive, and confidence is an attractive trait to most people.
> 
> Of course, this is just speculation - but it's something I've been kind of poking at in my head for a while, because I see it come up so often. Anyone else have thoughts on this?



Good points and I agree with you. 

It is also worth remembering that BHMs are still the minority so you are naturally less likely to encounter one who is an FA or bi-sizual.


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## NemoVolo (Aug 17, 2009)

I've definitely noticed that there are more skinny men wanting BBWs. Even if my main sample pool is the writers in the Library section. 

Of the guys who have shown interest in me (once they saw a full body image, of course, since the others generally stop talking immediately), two were average to a little chubby, two were rail-thin, and only one was actually big (250+ is big to me). 

I can understand the image related reasons for why a BHM wants a skinny girl (to prove it to the guys, show he's not "settling", etc), but I _hate_ fat men who are all "NO FAT CHICKS".


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## rockabelly (Aug 20, 2009)

NemoVolo said:


> I can understand the image related reasons for why a BHM wants a skinny girl (to prove it to the guys, show he's not "settling", etc), but I _hate_ fat men who are all "NO FAT CHICKS".



I never thought i would find myself saying this, but a lot of my male friends are "brainwashed" by the boobtube and all media which tells them what a beautiful woman is supposed to look like. One of the networks guilty of this is SPIKE which features nothing but busty, thin waisted women in bikinis as "real women". Those of us who have been around the block more times than the icecream truck know that ALL women are real. All one has to do is take a look as to what was beautiful 100 years ago, when there weren't multimillion dollar ad campaigns telling us all what beauty is. Even 50 years ago, Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 and not the now fashionable size 0 or 1. All shapes and sizes of women are beautiful and i refuse to let someone tell me what is sexy or not. 

I am not an FA, I am a WA (woman admirer). I love skinny women, BBW women, short women, tall women, and all women in between and uncategorized. Whoa Momma!


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## blackcaesarbhm (Dec 2, 2009)

sweetbbw: you should come down to fla.. I'm bhm that loves bbws and skinny women..


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## steadydecline (Dec 2, 2009)

I have definitely noticed this. Between seeing the BHM of my dreams walking about with a tiny woman, to the fat guys with "no fat chicks" shirts/stickers...it's really disheartening. And blah blah, personality is what's important, and if a thin guy shared my sense of humor or tastes, I would definitely give him a try. 

Also, I understand that people's tastes vary, and there's nothing wrong with turning someone down for some reason or another, but when they're mean about it...that's what infuriates me.


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## chicken legs (Dec 7, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> NO....and i never noticed it....



That was a short reply... to add a bit... I noticed that it is rare to see two super sized people together unless they have funds to have others take care of household chores, both have lovers to help them, or even family/friends to support them.


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## Sir Shrek (Dec 21, 2009)

Wouldnt it be a great deal better if it was the person on the inside that people went for in the end, not just people who are xx big or xx small??


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## BigFriendlyDave (Dec 21, 2009)

Sir Shrek said:


> Wouldnt it be a great deal better if it was the person on the inside that people went for in the end, not just people who are xx big or xx small??



Hear, Hear!

But life never seems to go that way - I look at the thin sticks that some women are and just don't find them attractive in general - like everyone there are exceptions (redheads for one) - but I'm just more attracted to a BBW and if they like me as a larger bloke then it's a win-win situation. 

Maybe one day I'll find her.

D.


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## RJI (Dec 22, 2009)

As a BHM i've noticed over the years that many BBW's are just not interested in larger men. I date all size/shape/color women and prefer ladies with meat on the bones but definitely find it hard to hook up with chubby chicks because they are waiting on the skinny guy that gets shot down by the skinny chicks and goes to the big girl at the end of the night because she is still around waiting.


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## MickeyFFA (Dec 22, 2009)

RJI said:


> As a BHM i've noticed over the years that many BBW's are just not interested in larger men. I date all size/shape/color women and prefer ladies with meat on the bones but definitely find it hard to hook up with chubby chicks because they are waiting on the skinny guy that gets shot down by the skinny chicks and goes to the big girl at the end of the night because she is still around waiting.



You make an interesting point RJI. Isn't it funny that a large number of fat people are almost prejeudice against other fat people? I have a friend who weighs about the same as me, 180 range, and she constantly belittles other fat people, especially chubby children. I always forget that outside of the size acceptance community even other chubbies can be hard on fat people. I'm not sure if thats because they resent themselves for being fat (probably it) but also they dont seem to feel the same sense of comradery that I do towards the equally zaftig.


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## RJI (Dec 22, 2009)

MickeyFFA said:


> You make an interesting point RJI. Isn't it funny that a large number of fat people are almost prejeudice against other fat people? I have a friend who weighs about the same as me, 180 range, and she constantly belittles other fat people, especially chubby children. I always forget that outside of the size acceptance community even other chubbies can be hard on fat people. I'm not sure if thats because they resent themselves for being fat (probably it) but also they dont seem to feel the same sense of comradery that I do towards the equally zaftig.




I think you nailed it on the head with the resentment part. Most fat people have some issues IMO and for some reason will lash out at other fat people rather then embrace them. 

I'm an Alpha Male and have a bit of an ego so i'm not shy and will approach anyone so my friends include many fat men and women (even the ones who like skinny guys  ) 

I'd prefer chubby/fat girls but thats not always an available option.


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## Paquito (Dec 22, 2009)

Why is it called resentment just because one fat person isn't attracted to other fat people? In terms of attraction, you can't choose what you like. Is it resentment against thin people that makes you go after larger women, or just the fact that you prefer larger women over thin ones?


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## StarMoon (Dec 22, 2009)

MickeyFFA said:


> You make an interesting point RJI. Isn't it funny that a large number of fat people are almost prejeudice against other fat people? I have a friend who weighs about the same as me, 180 range, and she constantly belittles other fat people, especially chubby children. I always forget that outside of the size acceptance community even other chubbies can be hard on fat people. I'm not sure if thats because they resent themselves for being fat (probably it) but also they dont seem to feel the same sense of comradery that I do towards the equally zaftig.



Children? your friend sure picks soft targets


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## steely (Dec 22, 2009)

RJI said:


> As a BHM i've noticed over the years that many BBW's are just not interested in larger men. I date all size/shape/color women and prefer ladies with meat on the bones but definitely find it hard to hook up with chubby chicks because they are waiting on the skinny guy that gets shot down by the skinny chicks and goes to the big girl at the end of the night because she is still around waiting.





MickeyFFA said:


> You make an interesting point RJI. Isn't it funny that a large number of fat people are almost prejeudice against other fat people? I have a friend who weighs about the same as me, 180 range, and she constantly belittles other fat people, especially chubby children. I always forget that outside of the size acceptance community even other chubbies can be hard on fat people. I'm not sure if thats because they resent themselves for being fat (probably it) but also they dont seem to feel the same sense of comradery that I do towards the equally zaftig.



I really hate to hear that. I have always, always been interested in the big guys. Almost to the exclusion of others but I never could find a big guy that was interested in me. Seems we are at cross purposes.


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## katorade (Dec 22, 2009)

I noted that larger guys wouldn't approach me when I was younger, but more would approach me the older I got. I think both men and women have the nagging urge to seek out a partner that they think society deems acceptable when they're younger for the most part, but that goes for a lot of different aspects of life when you're a young adult. Must have an enviable job, trendy clothing, hot car, model gf/bf, etc. etc.

Then you look back at pictures of yourself 5 to 10 years later and go "what the hell was I thinking?" and start thinking for yourself and liking what you want.


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## RJI (Dec 22, 2009)

katorade said:


> I noted that larger guys wouldn't approach me when I was younger, but more would approach me the older I got. I think both men and women have the nagging urge to seek out a partner that they think society deems acceptable when they're younger for the most part, but that goes for a lot of different aspects of life when you're a young adult. Must have an enviable job, trendy clothing, hot car, model gf/bf, etc. etc.
> 
> Then you look back at pictures of yourself 5 to 10 years later and go "what the hell was I thinking?" and start thinking for yourself and liking what you want.




That was me exactly when i was younger. I liked thicker girls but was so programmed to think the skinny girl was what i wanted or had to have i may have missed out on some great relationships and maybe even "the one". As i got older i basically stopped caring what others thought and starting dating girls for what was on the inside and not how thin/trendy they were. 

So sorry i didn't pay attention to you when i was younger... i'll make it up now


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## Weirdo890 (Dec 22, 2009)

My case has always been that I've been too shy to talk to any BBWs I see. I speak as a BHM (over 300lbs.) That and I always think that they wouldn't go for a guy like me.


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## RJI (Dec 22, 2009)

Weirdo890 said:


> My case has always been that I've been too shy to talk to any BBWs I see. I speak as a BHM (over 300lbs.) That and I always think that they wouldn't go for a guy like me.




Confidence is key my friend! I find that more women are attracted to my confidence then my extra sexy belly. 

A lot of smaller girls who i dated who were not FFA's were into me because of my demeanor and my command and they expressed how they generally were not into bigger guys and usually went back to smaller guys if we broke off relations. 

Confidence in oneself is important... F what others think, be yourself and feel good about it.


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## MickeyFFA (Dec 22, 2009)

StarMoon said:


> Children? your friend sure picks soft targets



Yeah, I know. I mean she's never openly cruel, just goes on and on about bad parenting. I always have to point out that _I_ was a fairly large child and have two wonderful, fully fuctional and loving parents. I suppose you view things differently if you get heavier later in life.


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## Weirdo890 (Dec 22, 2009)

RJI said:


> Confidence is key my friend! I find that more women are attracted to my confidence then my extra sexy belly.
> 
> A lot of smaller girls who i dated who were not FFA's were into me because of my demeanor and my command and they expressed how they generally were not into bigger guys and usually went back to smaller guys if we broke off relations.
> 
> Confidence in oneself is important... F what others think, be yourself and feel good about it.



Unfortunately, that is the trait I lack. I don't know how to approach a woman with confidence without sounding creepy.


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## jewels_mystery (Dec 22, 2009)

This seems to be true in my experience. I have only been approached by one BHM and that has been in the last month. Which sucks because I think BHMs are just adorable. :wubu:


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## RJI (Dec 22, 2009)

Weirdo890 said:


> Unfortunately, that is the trait I lack. I don't know how to approach a woman with confidence without sounding creepy.




Just say HI... my name is_________. Then ask what is your name and go from there. You'll be amazed how many girls just want a guy to come up and say hello and will have a conversation with you. 

Whats the worst that can happen? You might get rejected, but if that happens consider it practice for the next girl. 

Try a few drinks if you are really shy, buying a girl a drink after you introduce yourself may help also.


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## shhtx1970 (Dec 28, 2009)

Wow, the discussion is good. Now my 2 cents.

We are human beings from start to finish. We are affected by hereditary, environmental, and other stuff (morality, beliefs, etc) in our growth of our lives. It would be nice to say we are programmed to do only a limited set of things but we are not. We learn, adapt, adjust, tweak or whatever from the influences of living. We say it does not affect us but my slapping you upside your head long enough will.

Either way we have to make a personal decision on what we choose or the path we take. We also should be open-minded when other opportunities may occur. From my experience, BHM or BBW tend to friendly with each but tend to attracted more to their opposites (opposites attract theory) not just physical but also activities, personalities etc. BHM and BBW, if you have not realize, are more in tune with their personality and emotions than lesser developed belly people.

I dated all types even when I was thin in the military, lol. But truth be told, I always (even when I was a teenager) look for substance, not image. Here is a thought: Your image changes over time but your personality, soul and mind are forever nearly constant.

Side note rant:
Our society's influence (or should I say media) pushes thin is what we should want. But who placed society in charge of what we want? This is a personal choice of whether to follow or become your control of what you like to do. Also with being a technologically advance society, we are fed by our senses. One of the most vulnerable is vision; we fed information through our eyes with images so much that we have forgot how to listen with our ears or for that matter read books versus watch the movie. 

Like Rockabelly stated:


> Even 50 years ago, Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 and not the now fashionable size 0 or 1. All shapes and sizes of women are beautiful and i refuse to let someone tell me what is sexy or not.


By the way, I think manufactures have messed with the numbering system because, seriously these size numbers are messed up, a guy has a 36" waist but a woman's is like size 8 or less? WTF is that all about.


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