# Girl's jealous of BBW's



## zxc098 (Aug 30, 2012)

Just wanted to know peoples thought's/ experiences on seeing girls reactions to when they realise a guy they like is actually chasing after another girl who is a BBW/plumper.

I've always been fascinated by this.

Girl (a) pretty yet like all girls not totally satisfied with her figure, perhaps does have a fuller behind for example, yet slim by most standards.

Girl (b) equally pretty but most certainly some 100+ pounds more on her frame, a belly and a wide ass to boot.

The sheer confusion and frustration coming from girl (a) is a devilish pleasure to watch I must admit. Especially when she's been telling you about how she's been going to the gym each morning and plans on getting really really skinny, in a hope that this will please you enough to ask her out.

There world gets turned upside down it seems, when it dawns upon them that they would have been better off having another muffin that morning instead of heading to the gym.

If they only knew, sure would saved them lot's of stress and hassle, figuring out that men don't want skinny skinny.

Thoughts/experiences?


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## mediaboy (Aug 31, 2012)

I've had women flirt with me at bars while my girl friend and are sitting together with no one else around us.

They assume we aren't dating or that we aren't together.

JOKES ON THEM, BITCHES


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## toni (Aug 31, 2012)

Oh hell no!!!!!


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## Dr. Feelgood (Aug 31, 2012)

Most of us tend to take our tastes and values for granted, at least to some extent; it can be something of a shock to meet, for the first time, someone whose tastes are the opposite of your own. Since most of us grew up in fairly homogeneous neighborhoods, we often don't encounter this culture shock until we go to college or join the work force. I recently learned that my wife of twenty-nine years does not like peanut butter, and I was stunned. However, we are working it through, and the counselor says we are making real progress.


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## Blackjack (Aug 31, 2012)

zxc098 said:


> Especially when she's been telling you about how she's been going to the gym each morning and plans on getting really really skinny, in a hope that this will please you enough to ask her out.
> 
> There world gets turned upside down it seems, when it dawns upon them that they would have been better off having another muffin that morning instead of heading to the gym.
> 
> If they only knew, sure would saved them lot's of stress and hassle, figuring out that men don't want skinny skinny.



If only they knew that what men actually want isn't them and they should therefore self-destructively strive for a different ideal to fit the tastes of their current interest.

HA, joke's on them, it's their own life that's getting messed up! I don't have sympathy to spare for those people!


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## LoveBHMS (Sep 1, 2012)

zxc098 said:


> Just wanted to know peoples thought's/ experiences on seeing girls reactions to when they realise a guy they like is actually chasing after another girl who is a BBW/plumper.
> 
> I've always been fascinated by this.
> 
> ...



If it's a devilish pleasure for you to watch somebody simultaneously unhappy with her own body AND confused and frustrated while seeing another woman with a man she likes, i'd say Girl A has dodged a bullet and Girl B is going to have to learn the hard way.

Also, what you personally don't want isn't the same as what all men want. Some DO want skinny skinny and some want Girl B to be 300 pounds heavier.

While I can understand being excited about hooking up with a fat girl, I don't understand why you'd get actual enjoyment out of rejecting somebody else. There have been probably hundreds of posts from FA on this board who are sad, frustrated, angry, and sometimes outright depressed that they have a girlfriend or wife who has many great qualities but to whom they're not attracted. Many frustrated FA seek advice as to how to handle a difficult situation along the lines of "my girlfriend is a nice person with good values and we have a lot in common but I troll fat porn sites every day and fantasize about her being SSBBW."

But you....you enjoy rejecting a woman who likes you. Sorry but that's messed up.


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## zxc098 (Sep 2, 2012)

^^^ knew someone would come along with a lecture, when i posted my thoughts on this. (so predictable)

calm down you've taken it the wrong way.

Thinking something and acting on it are to different things.


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## gangstadawg (Sep 2, 2012)

mediaboy said:


> I've had women flirt with me at bars while my girl friend and are sitting together with no one else around us.
> 
> They assume we aren't dating or that we aren't together.
> 
> JOKES ON THEM, BITCHES



yep its the funniest shit ever. its really funny on general dating sites when the skinny hood rats start posting negative comments on your profile because your not into smaller women.


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## gangstadawg (Sep 2, 2012)

LoveBHMS said:


> But you....you enjoy rejecting a woman who likes you. Sorry but that's messed up.



not necessarly depends. every time a detroit hood rat has asked me out in the past i always enjoy rejecting the hell out em.


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## natepogue (Sep 3, 2012)

zxc098 said:


> ^^^ knew someone would come along with a lecture, when i posted my thoughts on this. (so predictable)
> 
> calm down you've taken it the wrong way.
> 
> Thinking something and acting on it are to different things.



Sadly this happens all the time on this board. I got what you meant though, and I agree. I guess we're both just sick sad and twisted.


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## one2one (Sep 3, 2012)

I've had it happen, and the woman doing the flirting was a friend of mine (but not anymore). We were out to dinner with her and her husband (yeah, that's over, too) and another couple. She knew we were together; I'd been talking about him for months, and she'd already met him. 

The man I was with handled it beautifully. When she crossed that line of making conversation and moved into the doe-eyed, pay attention to me instead mode, he took my hand and put it on his thigh under the table. When she persisted, he directed the conversation to something about me. And when she tried to make it 'just between them' again, he turned to her husband and started a new conversation. 

She didn't quite know what to do with herself at that point, and although he was polite to her, when we were driving home he let loose. He was pretty mad about the whole thing, too, and I got an ear full of what he really thought of her ... and ten foot poles ... and not enough money in the world to pay him ... and more. 

It's not the only time I've had something like that happen. If it's innocent, and the woman doing the chasing doesn't know he's not available, that's one thing. But there are women who are angry (and women act that out in very covert ways) that attractive, interesting, kind, wonderful men direct their attention to larger women. I can't speak for FAs, but as a BBW I've seen it more than a few times, and I'm glad you brought it up. Good topic.


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## bigmac (Sep 3, 2012)

zxc098 said:


> Just wanted to know peoples thought's/ experiences on seeing girls reactions to when they realise a guy they like is actually chasing after another girl who is a BBW/plumper.
> 
> ...
> 
> Thoughts/experiences?



About 25 years ago a girl I'd been dating casually demanded to know how I could have chosen a much fatter girl to get serious with. I told her the fat girl, being much larger and stronger, had better childbearing genetics. Thinner girl's head almost exploded (just didn't compute).


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## Tad (Sep 4, 2012)

Not exactly what you were talking about, but probably related. When m wife and I got engaged she was something like a size 16/18, so not all that big even. Anyway, she asked the woman who had been her best friend since middle-school to be her maid of honour. Theyd drifted apart somewhat over the previous couple of years while my wife and I had been dating, but still there was nobody else she even thought of for the role. 

Well, the old friend did nothing to help, and was even somewhat disruptive during the planning and prep. Finally they had it out, and the friend explained that being taller, thinner, and blonde, SHE was supposed to have gotten married first, and of course she would then have helped my poor wife find some guy who would settle for her. Needless to say, this pretty much ended the friendship.


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## Surlysomething (Sep 4, 2012)

I've always loved when I see _some_ thin/average women giving side-eyed bitchy looks when they see a hot guy with a larger girl. 

Especially when it's me.


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## bostonbbwluv (Sep 7, 2012)

Several years ago (in my early 20's) I was out with my gf and ran into an ex gf. We exchanged pleasant hello's and I introduced them to each other, we all chatted for a minute and went on our way. About a month or so later I ran into my ex at the bank and she came up to me and had a surprised look on her face and came right out and said "I can't believe your dating someone that chubby" and she then told me that my gf was bigger than her, as if to say to me, "what the heck is wrong with you?" I laughed and said I think she's gorgeous and that she knows how to enjoy herself! My ex gf, although a bbw was always trying to lose weight and diet. For me, it was an unhealthy and frustrating relationship and it came down to compatibility. My ex was presumptuous in telling me how I should like her figure and behaved like she knew what was best for me, like how she would always remove my hands from her belly and place them on her chest!


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## reory (Sep 7, 2012)

i agree boston bbw luv, Had a girl like that too, always would remove my hands from her belly or her thighs, When i left her and went out with a bigger woman, she always gave me dirty looks and said to me that what i was doing was wrong, but i love bbw's I can't help it.


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## Nenona (Sep 7, 2012)

Really, it's because she's been told her whole life that she's ugly.
And that if she just got thin enough, all the men would love her.

And it's completely against the societal grain. Dieting companies make billions every year and I get enough crap just by refusing to go on a diet--my family is always pushing me to start one.

That said, I've been rejected from plenty of guys just for being "too fucking fat and ugly"--so no, rejection is never nice, nobody enjoys being part of it.

But it is important to be an ambassador of the culture rather than treating her like crap.

And honestly, she's not jealous of fat girls. She's assuming that you're predatory, using fat women, or going after fat women because you can demand sex from them the first night. That's honestly the look she's giving you.
"You just want to date her because she's your FETISH."


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## liz (di-va) (Sep 9, 2012)

mediaboy said:


> I've had women flirt with me at bars while my girl friend and are sitting together with no one else around us.
> They assume we aren't dating or that we aren't together.


I seriously can't believe people sometimes...


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## Azrael (Sep 9, 2012)

I must admit, while I'm a guy I've had that type of thought/frustration come across me before so it's really quite easily explainable.

You see, many assume society to be very shallow and that because we see skinny as the ideal that there is a natural "pecking order" as to how everything goes.

Because of this when someone chooses someone uglier or fatter than them it tends to fly in the face of this type of view of everything.

Thus someone gets mad because they can't believe that *the fatter or uglier person* would be chosen over them. "Society is shallow and I'm better looking therefore I should be picked over them" is how the mentality tends to go.

So yea, as another person said, it flies in the face of the things they've been taught pretty much.


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## CastingPearls (Sep 9, 2012)

If a person is truly happy with themselves, they're happy with and for others. 


When they're dissatisfied with themselves, they find flaws in everyone. 


Even people I don't get along with, as long as they're not injuring themselves or others, I truly mean it when I say (or think), 'Your happy is my happy'.


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## swinglifeaway (Sep 9, 2012)

Nenona said:


> And honestly, she's not jealous of fat girls. She's assuming that you're predatory, using fat women, or going after fat women because you can demand sex from them the first night. That's honestly the look she's giving you.
> 
> "You just want to date her because she's your FETISH."



...because no one should EVER fall in love with what they're actually attracted to :blink: ha

I've heard the same thing from friends, where they were thinking that I was just looking for an easy relationship or something. I think loads of people go through life with the mindset that they've got the blueprints for how everything works and if they want to be successful, they have to follow the leader. When a couple presents something of the polar opposite like throwing a wrench in this 'finely' tuned machine, people seem to naturally get defensive about it and try to pigeonhole those two people in to some kind of stereotype that fits well enough. Even though we're in a new age of media and exploration, it'll take time before everyone chills the eff out and realizes that they're hanging on to things that they've been conditioned to hang on to.

For that reason, I do enjoy watching people's reactions to when I'm with my girlfriend. I love her, and I can only hope that when other people see it, they see the honesty of it. If I shake up a few people's ideals, it makes me feel so much better.

I agree though, we should be ambassadors and not a peanut gallery snickering to ourselves every time.


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## KittyKitten (Sep 10, 2012)

I think many of them are jealous of bbws who are confident, that's the problem. They don't mind if a bbw thinks of herself as lowly, unworthy, or goofy not sexy. The minute the bbw believes she is a sexy, hot woman, is the minute they are ready to try to pull her down. It's sad. They don't realize that not all men want skinny minis. These are the same witches who see a picture of a provocatively dressed bbw and say 'ewww, gross, cow'. Silly things.


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## KittyKitten (Sep 12, 2012)

Oh and don't get me started on catty females who like to tear down so called 'physical imperfections' of a lovely famous person. On another message board, there was a pic of Kim Kardasian, a very beautiful woman. Of course there was a picture of her back in a bikini, and not surprisingly, you have catty bi..witches who want to poke fun of her back fat. Idiots. Women can be their own worst enemies.


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## Surlysomething (Sep 12, 2012)

KittyKitten said:


> Oh and don't get me started on catty females who like to tear down so called 'physical imperfections' of a lovely famous person. On another message board, there was a pic of Kim Kardasian, a very beautiful woman. Of course there was a picture of her back in a bikini, and not surprisingly, you have catty bi..witches who want to poke fun of her back fat. Idiots. Women can be their own worst enemies.



She's gorgeous. Too bad her brain isn't as pretty. Haha.


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## zxc098 (Sep 22, 2012)

natepogue said:


> Sadly this happens all the time on this board. I got what you meant though, and I agree. I guess we're both just sick sad and twisted.



glad someone understood what I was talking about


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## MillyLittleMonster (Sep 23, 2012)

zxc098 said:


> If they only knew, sure would saved them lot's of stress and hassle, figuring out that men don't want skinny skinny.
> 
> Thoughts/experiences?



Please rephrase that  Not all men want BBWS.

Some of us like variety.


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## AuntHen (Sep 23, 2012)

MillyLittleMonster said:


> Please rephrase that  Not all men want BBWS.
> 
> Some of us like variety.



He did not say ALL men and considering this is posted in the FA/FFA Forum *about *BBW's on a BIG site, I think it was stated just fine.


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## MillyLittleMonster (Sep 24, 2012)

Well the way I saw it the message seemed that way when he used the term men.


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## bostonbbwluv (Sep 29, 2012)

Confidence is at the top of traits anyone can have and nothing is more appealing than a bbw with confidence! I have experienced dating bbw's who were always on one diet or another and doing this new diet and that new diet and wanting to lose weight for whatever their reasons, and it just gets so tiring dealing with a girl who "will be happy when..." (fill in the blank) (when I am a size_____) (when I get down to ______lbs) and until they reach their goal they are unhappy with themselves and their body image. Thanks to places like dims, bbw and ssbbw have learned their are men who love them just the way they are.


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## KittyKitten (Sep 29, 2012)

bostonbbwluv said:


> Confidence is at the top of traits anyone can have and nothing is more appealing than a bbw with confidence! I have experienced dating bbw's who were always on one diet or another and doing this new diet and that new diet and wanting to lose weight for whatever their reasons, and it just gets so tiring dealing with a girl who "will be happy when..." (fill in the blank) (when I am a size_____) (when I get down to ______lbs) and until they reach their goal they are unhappy with themselves and their body image. Thanks to places like dims, bbw and ssbbw have learned their are men who love them just the way they are.



And it's so silly, they go on a diet and then they come back bigger than ever and hating themselves even more. Diets are so pointless and depraving. Just live life!


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## y2kboris1 (Nov 16, 2012)

Can't say I've ever been in that situation before, unfortunately I've never been fortunate enough to find a girl who was bbw. However with my own family I've seen that situation come up time and time again where various family members couldn't believe said person would date someone that fat.
It just gets old after a while.



LoveBHMS said:


> If it's a devilish pleasure for you to watch somebody simultaneously unhappy with her own body AND confused and frustrated while seeing another woman with a man she likes, i'd say Girl A has dodged a bullet and Girl B is going to have to learn the hard way.
> 
> Also, what you personally don't want isn't the same as what all men want. Some DO want skinny skinny and some want Girl B to be 300 pounds heavier.
> 
> ...



I suppose I could see where your coming from here; but all the same it's more complicated than that. I've had numerous times in life where I've said no to certain girls and they wondered why, and when pressed on the issue I told them the full truth (mind you as tactfully as possible). The problem is in our society some girls won't take no for an answer and then when I've told them the full unadulterated truth as tactfully as possible about what I find attractive and why I am not interested in them, many girls become downright hostile, or condescending, and it gets old after a while dealing with that. Normally I wouldn't want to make anyone feel bad or put down anyone in a social setting, but sometimes some people have it coming to them. When a few girls wouldn't just shut up or leave me alone then yea, if it's the final blow that sometimes needs to be inflicted to keep them from bothering you any more. It's not a devilish pleasure but rather an annoyance. It can become a devilish pleasure though if she pisses me off enough, and she won't leave me alone.


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## ecogeek (Nov 26, 2012)

I recall going out with a really good guy friend of mine once, to the movies. He is quite a handsome guy. I remember in the theater, one of the two girls behind us said, "What is HE doing with a fat chick like that?" I wouldn't consider dating him, he is pretty much my brother...but at that moment, he put his arm around me and I leaned into him, turned back to them and gave them a very rude smile. We had a good laugh about it later and I am very thankful for protective friends. Girls like that amaze me constantly.


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## y2kboris1 (Feb 28, 2015)

It's been a while; hope this thread is still active. This is gonna be a two parter as I've had some recent observations I thought would be interesting and clever so here goes: 



bostonbbwluv said:


> Confidence is at the top of traits anyone can have and nothing is more appealing than a bbw with confidence! I have experienced dating bbw's who were always on one diet or another and doing this new diet and that new diet and wanting to lose weight for whatever their reasons, and it just gets so tiring dealing with a girl who "will be happy when..." (fill in the blank) (when I am a size_____) (when I get down to ______lbs) and until they reach their goal they are unhappy with themselves and their body image. Thanks to places like dims, bbw and ssbbw have learned their are men who love them just the way they are.


 Boston I couldn't agree more. Having confidence should be the name of the game for BOTH genders and irregardless of how big or small someone is. I don't know if you are all aware at all of Coen Nanning's
channel CurveyShrine on Youtube, but he posts a lot of good videos about
raising one's confidence, especially for women:

https://www.youtube.com/user/curvyshrine/videos

Having confidence is integral to having a healthy relationship because if you are not confident before you enter a relationship, chances are you never will be. You will always find something about yourself that you don't like; (eg. my hair is too short, nose too long, front tooth gap etc), sometimes you just need to roll with it...



Nenona said:


> Really, it's because she's been told her whole life that she's ugly.
> And that if she just got thin enough, all the men would love her.
> 
> And it's completely against the societal grain. Dieting companies make billions every year and I get enough crap just by refusing to go on a diet--my family is always pushing me to start one.
> ...


 Nenona, bluntly my dear, you need to get over it. Being an FA is NOT a fetish as soo many people would like to characterize it; it is a preference. For some a gaining or feederism fetish might develop from liking bigger women, but we are not all predatory, and I would dare say the majority aren't, we like what we like; it's no different if someone liked blondes, or tall people, or people with broad shoulders etc. To continue to characterize it as such, is disingenuous and it does damage not only to FAs, but to women who might possibly find them attractive.


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## y2kboris1 (Feb 28, 2015)

On to part two: As part of a prelude I do have some good news. In the intervening time since this thread first started I've finally met someone (yay!) as of July 2012; the time frame is off slightly cause I didn't get serious with her until after my first post, barely. Anyways my gf and I frequent Planet Fitness in the town I live. My gf is only like a size 18 at most soo she's not really all that big, and from time to time she comes with me late at night to work out. We both have school Mon-Wed and the Uni we got to and so late at night it's a nice bonding time to be in one another's company.

Long story short when I go by myself I like to go late at night because I am kind of an introvert and I don't really like being around a whole lot of people; it's just easier fewer gym rats, fewer distractions, people using machines etc. I've noticed over the past few weeks there are a few girls who frequent the gym at relatively the same time every night. I am polite in passing, but it seems evident to me that one of them in particular likes me because she's usually much more gregarious with me. My gf doesn't come often, but this last week was the first time they both crossed paths, and perhaps not directly to my ladies' face, but to me when I ran into her the next time she had this look of disapproval scrawled across her face insinuating, " Why oh why are you with her? You could do soo much better". 

The whole time I was there she gave me that look whenever I'd happen upon her looking our way. Since then when I run into her, she's given me a look of indifference, and I'm assuming it's because of that night. Even with subtle things like that some thin girls make known their disapproval, even when it doesn't really affect them, and to me what she did was rude; that is extremely rude. My gf is just trying to get more in shape, and people are always talking about how fatter folk need to exercise more. Well when someone who cares about his gf brings her to the gym cause she wants to go, we're met with this. It's ridiculous. Christ this looks like a wall of text.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Feb 28, 2015)

y2kboris1 said:


> Since then when I run into her, she's given me a look of indifference, and I'm assuming it's because of that night. Even with subtle things like that some thin girls make known their disapproval, even when it doesn't really affect them, and to me what she did was rude; that is extremely rude.



Ah, it's the old, old story -- by Aesop, in fact. A fox spied a cluster of ripe grapes and wore himself out jumping for them, to no avail. "I wouldn't like them," he told himself, "They're probably sour." And every time he passed the grapes he gave them a look of indifference.


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## fuelingfire (Mar 12, 2015)

When seen with a BBW, the reactions very from taking multiple multi-takes to puzzlement to shock. The multi-takes being the most common for me. That is the reaction for thin women seeing my partner. It was fairly common for thin women to assume that I was not there with the BBW next to me.

Of the times that I have verbally said in front of thin women that I prefer fat women, the most common reaction is the assumption I am joking. The facial expressions are usually somewhere between shock and disgust.  Every time I have said this there has been a BBW present, because I feel more women should hear it if your wondering the BBW usually also looks puzzled, asks me to repeat what I said (in case they misheard or something), and then seems to pay more attention to me than before. That doesnt always happen though. I have seen it where the BBW also seems disgusted, though I assume it maybe related to an esteem issue.


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## y2kboris1 (Mar 13, 2015)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> Ah, it's the old, old story -- by Aesop, in fact. A fox spied a cluster of ripe grapes and wore himself out jumping for them, to no avail. "I wouldn't like them," he told himself, "They're probably sour." And every time he passed the grapes he gave them a look of indifference.



Dr. Feelgood I'm not entirely sure exactly what your alluding to here.


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## Luv'emThick (Jul 26, 2015)

I've seen that. Alot of thin boring bodied chicks think their what I want and their not. If the looked like these lovelies I would. 

View attachment b567da6bee9955e3d7468f36a7a1186e.jpg


View attachment Tits!7.jpg


View attachment Perfect.jpg


View attachment thl01032015_003.jpg


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## y2kboris1 (Aug 15, 2015)

fuelingfire said:


> When seen with a BBW, the reactions very from taking multiple multi-takes to puzzlement to shock.The multi-takes being the most common for me. That is the reaction for thin women seeing my partner.It was fairly common for thin women to assume that I was not there with the BBW next to me.
> 
> Of the times that I have verbally said in front of thin women that I prefer fat women, the most common reaction is the assumption I am joking.The facial expressions are usually somewhere between shock and disgust. Every time I have said this there has been a BBW present, because I feel more women should hear itif your wondering the BBW usually also looks puzzled, asks me to repeat what I said (in case they misheard or something), and then seems to pay more attention to me than before.That doesnt always happen though.I have seen it where the BBW also seems disgusted, though I assume it maybe related to an esteem issue.



I get that a lot. Kickback if you will... from my girlfriend. She just can't seem to understand why I find her soo attractive. She thinks of herself as being hideous, and even when she glimpses herself in the mirror she can't stand the look of it. I find it bothersome to say the least. But that's just part of the problem, soo many of these girls get jealous cause they assume
we all like the same thing. I think the biggest challenge for FA/FFAs out there is to make people aware of the fact that we really do indeed find larger men/women attractive; how to go about that though, beats the hell
out of me.


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## mariasblues (Dec 13, 2015)

I had a thin female friend who comes from a wealthy, snobby family one time tell me that she couldn't get with a certain guy because his family didn't have the right genetics. Needless to say, we are not friends anymore.


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## y2kboris1 (Jan 4, 2016)

KittyKitten said:


> And it's so silly, they go on a diet and then they come back bigger than ever and hating themselves even more. Diets are so pointless and depraving. Just live life!



My girlfriend does this as well. Although usually it's in relation to the fact that she refuses to buy new clothes cause either she thinks she's won't look good in them, or she's planning to lose the weight; and then she never does. I think part of feeling good about how you look also has a lot to do with how willing you are to just "use what you have" too. It's always better even if you don't fully like how you look, to at least make an effort to look nice.


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## choudhury (Jan 6, 2016)

y2kboris1 said:


> My girlfriend does this as well. Although usually it's in relation to the fact that she refuses to buy new clothes cause either she thinks she's won't look good in them, or she's planning to lose the weight; and then she never does. I think part of feeling good about how you look also has a lot to do with how willing you are to just "use what you have" too. It's always better even if you don't fully like how you look, to at least make an effort to look nice.



Totally agree. From a purely selfish, 'FA' point of view, I've always lamented the tendency of many BBWs to 'give up' on their self-presentation. I get that this is often a symptom of low self-esteem... but it's a vicious cycle. And BBWs who present themselves confidently and attractively rather than in drab T-shirts or whatever are, I've observed over the years, a lot more likely to attract men - whether genuine FAs or just open-minded guys who respond to a woman who radiates self-confidence. In short, people should just rock whatever it is they've got; there's no such thing as a 'hopeless case.'


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## loopytheone (Jan 10, 2016)

Just chipping in here to point out that there is huge stigma attached to fat women that we need to 'make up for' being fat by being beautifully presented all the time. Whilst I understand that isn't what you guys are saying, you have to understand that women, and especially fat women, face a lot of pressure to be well presented and beautiful so hearing men who like BBW complain about those of us who don't want to put in the effort to look well presented every day can be quite damaging. Especially to imply that if we don't feel like spending an hour dressing up every day we must have low self esteem. Like I said, I understand that wasn't what you were trying to say but I feel it needs to be pointed out. 

Also, I'm a BBW who generally goes for comfort over style and doesn't do hair/makeup etc... and I've never had a problem attracting men. I honestly think a lot of attraction is based on confidence, personality and having a reasonably attractive face. But that is just my opinion.


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## y2kboris1 (Jan 22, 2016)

loopytheone said:


> Just chipping in here to point out that there is huge stigma attached to fat women that we need to 'make up for' being fat by being beautifully presented all the time. Whilst I understand that isn't what you guys are saying, you have to understand that women, and especially fat women, face a lot of pressure to be well presented and beautiful so hearing men who like BBW complain about those of us who don't want to put in the effort to look well presented every day can be quite damaging. Especially to imply that if we don't feel like spending an hour dressing up every day we must have low self esteem. Like I said, I understand that wasn't what you were trying to say but I feel it needs to be pointed out.
> 
> Also, I'm a BBW who generally goes for comfort over style and doesn't do hair/makeup etc... and I've never had a problem attracting men. I honestly think a lot of attraction is based on confidence, personality and having a reasonably attractive face. But that is just my opinion.



I apologize if I came off as being perceived to say such that women, especially larger women need to always look their best; heaven only knows in society people care too much about the outside appearance, even sometimes I am guilty of that sin; both wanting to look good, or wishing my gf put in more effort before going out. I think the jist I was aiming for was barring society at some point everyone has to come to terms with what they look like, just as bostonbbwluv said or else they'll never come to terms with thinking of themselves as worthwhile or worthy, whatever that really means anymore. The problem in society is that the goalposts are always changing... I think it's better to just find something that makes you happy and everyone/everything else be damned.


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## y2kboris1 (Oct 26, 2016)

loopytheone said:


> Just chipping in here to point out that there is huge stigma attached to fat women that we need to 'make up for' being fat by being beautifully presented all the time. Whilst I understand that isn't what you guys are saying, you have to understand that women, and especially fat women, face a lot of pressure to be well presented and beautiful so hearing men who like BBW complain about those of us who don't want to put in the effort to look well presented every day can be quite damaging. Especially to imply that if we don't feel like spending an hour dressing up every day we must have low self esteem. Like I said, I understand that wasn't what you were trying to say but I feel it needs to be pointed out.
> 
> Also, I'm a BBW who generally goes for comfort over style and doesn't do hair/makeup etc... and I've never had a problem attracting men. I honestly think a lot of attraction is based on confidence, personality and having a reasonably attractive face. But that is just my opinion.



Loopy I think in general in our society both thin and fat people alike are judged a lot more harshly for how they look/present themselves; but I chalk it up to the nature of the "beast" soo to speak. In general male sexual psychology is such that how a woman presents herself is going to have a big impact on how men perceive her self-confidence (we're visual). Once again self-confidence is key; for both genders, any size. If you don't have it, it's like trying to play the game of life a few cards short of a deck of 52.


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## landshark (Nov 17, 2016)

Old thread but I had a couple fresh thoughts on this subject.

I've had a few really fit/athletic girls make some really interesting comments to me in this past year. A couple have hinted that if my wife and I were "into this sort of thing" they'd be open to it too. The interest is oriented more toward my wife than me. 

At a recent formal event involving co-workers, a very athletic co-worker who's met my wife asked me where she was. When I told her she didn't come she expressed disappointment and said, "I was really looking forward to seeing her all dolled up." There was definitely some interest and disappointment in her voice.

Another athletic co-worker was surprised when I told her I like bigger girls and that I'm married to one. Surprised, but understanding I should say. A few days later she confessed to me she dialed up some porn with fit men and big women and said she "gets it" now. That it was such an awesome combination. A few weeks after that she met my wife and a couple times I caught her staring, her eyes dazzling. 

At the same time I've observed all of these I've also seen looks of contempt and disgust from other, fit women. And I also get lots of approving looks from other bigger women who see me out and about with my wife. My conclusion? There's just no one universally right answer. I've observed enough fit/athletic women display intrigue and disgust alike. They think like individuals, not as a block. 

But it's always nice when they display intrigue, curiosity and even admiration.


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## fuelingfire (Nov 18, 2016)

happily_married said:


> Old thread but I had a couple fresh thoughts on this subject.
> 
> I've had a few really fit/athletic girls make some really interesting comments to me in this past year. A couple have hinted that if my wife and I were "into this sort of thing" they'd be open to it too. The interest is oriented more toward my wife than me.
> 
> ...



I was once asked about, why an athletic guy would be into fat women? The athletic guy will spend a lot of effort weightlifting, exercising, and eating a healthy diet. And then turn around and go nuts for a fat woman who doesn't do any of that.

I will give my theory while ignoring all of the awesomeness of fat women. As a guy who has in the past been super athletic (still exercise and eat a healthy diet but far less strict). It takes a lot of effort to maintain a very low amount of body fat. By contrast, to maintain a weight of, lets just say 300 pounds. It requires eating a lot more calories. It took effort to get to that weight, even though that is really not how the BBW or BHM saw it as they were eating.

Not just that though. From your examples, I am assuming the athletic women you are referring to have a low amount of body fat, and are severely restricting there calories. I use to run marathons, after long runs I would feel hungry for days. If part of their motivation to exercise is to attract a partner, they might look at your wife, and wish they could eat whatever they wanted and still get an attractive guy. They could see her as a person who gets to give into temptation, that they deprive themselves of.

Personally I have grown to love seeing peoples reactions to being in public with BBWs. I am showing I am in a relationship with someone I am super attracted to. My girlfriends Feabie account says she weighs 350. She is a pear. Also drop dead beautiful! She usually wears yoga pants or leggings in public. I do PDA with her frequently. It dawns on a lot of people that I am attracted to her. I am showing off, in my view anyways.

Reading you comment,"A few days later she confessed to me she dialed up some porn with fit men and big women and said she "gets it" now. That it was such an awesome combination." Did you just create a FFA? :bow:


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## landshark (Nov 18, 2016)

fuelingfire said:


> I was once asked about, why an athletic guy would be into fat women? The athletic guy will spend a lot of effort weightlifting, exercising, and eating a healthy diet. And then turn around and go nuts for a fat woman who doesn't do any of that.
> 
> I will give my theory while ignoring all of the awesomeness of fat women. As a guy who has in the past been super athletic (still exercise and eat a healthy diet but far less strict). It takes a lot of effort to maintain a very low amount of body fat. By contrast, to maintain a weight of, lets just say 300 pounds. It requires eating a lot more calories. It took effort to get to that weight, even though that is really not how the BBW or BHM saw it as they were eating.
> 
> ...



I've encountered that same line of questioning about why a fit male would be interested in a fat woman. I even started a thread on it a while back. I've encountered it from other fit males who want fit women as their partners. I don't blame them for having their preferences but I've also seen plenty take it to nasty levels regarding overweight women. The same goes for some of the fit women I've encountered. Unlike those in the examples above some fit women I've met assume a fit guy has "issues" if he's interested in fat women. And sadly, I've encountered some women who were themselves overweight be suspicious of why a fit guy wanted a fat partner. People are literally all over the map!

As for the athletic women in my examples, I'd guess they actually eat a solid number of calories because they're both actually pretty muscular. I watched one of them pull a 250 pound DL in fact. But they also seem to appreciate a female body with a little more softness to it. My wife is more hourglass: big boobs, relatively small waist, big hips/rear end. That's classic hourglass, save for when most say hourglass "thin" is an assumption. I don't buy that, I think an hourglass can be thick too. And like your girlfriend, my wife also will wear yoga pants and skinny jeans in public. I am not shy about my attraction to her in public and like you, often go so far as to "showing off" because she chose me.


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## y2kboris1 (Nov 20, 2016)

fuelingfire said:


> I was once asked about, why an athletic guy would be into fat women? The athletic guy will spend a lot of effort weightlifting, exercising, and eating a healthy diet. And then turn around and go nuts for a fat woman who doesn't do any of that.
> 
> I will give my theory while ignoring all of the awesomeness of fat women. As a guy who has in the past been super athletic (still exercise and eat a healthy diet but far less strict). It takes a lot of effort to maintain a very low amount of body fat. By contrast, to maintain a weight of, lets just say 300 pounds. It requires eating a lot more calories. It took effort to get to that weight, even though that is really not how the BBW or BHM saw it as they were eating.
> 
> ...


Fueling fire I think that's it; plain and simple. These women are just jealous. They want to leverage the fact that they think they're attractive to most (if not all males) based solely on their thinness/fitness. Just because someone is fit doesn't mean they necessarily desire to be with someone fit themselves. It reminds me of this interesting video I saw on youtube recently. I watch TYT/Thinktank and one of the interviewers I think put it succinctly; see here:

Part I [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA7UOm81W8A[/ame]
Part II [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QydtWXfYBGs[/ame]

It was Chelsey Bex who said it most tellingly. If you look for the part where she talks about being agitated people found her more attractive when she was slightly more chubby it goes to show you that some people have a double standard in that respect. They want people to find them attractive at the size they WANT to be rather than what the person they're attracted to (the object of their affection) actually finds attractive. Some of these girls (and I'm NOT saying ALL GIRLS Loopy, LovesBHMS, Nenona) want to have their cake; and metaphorically eat it too. It doesn't work like that. If you accept the idea that men have different "types" that they're attracted to you have to accept the fact that sometimes fit OR fat or not you may not be their cup of tea.


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## fuelingfire (Nov 21, 2016)

There is a lot to respond to in these videos. I noticed everyone in the videos were thin. I think they spent to much time defending thinner people in this. And very little saying that people should be able to be okay with how they look. Self esteem was barely mentioned. A lot of it was hard to listen to. My FAness is very deeply engrained in who I am. I have found over time, I have become less tolerant of people fat shaming. They almost got their message right. People should stop worrying about looking, how society, men, women, and fashion the industry says they should. They danced around it, which you might be able to say they implied it.

I almost feel jealous might be too strong of a word for this. Other than happily_married last two posts, which imply admiration. There was a girl who said she felt sluggish when she has an extra ten pounds on.

I almost feel like this analogy might give the thin athletic view point. A woman work very hard to achieve this body that meets society’s view of beauty. Then she sees an attractive guy go after a girl who clearly doesn’t care about taking care of herself. This would be like a woman who worked hard to gain a million dollar wealth, only to see an attractive guy who wants to be with a poor person. It would be a head scratcher.


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## fuelingfire (Nov 21, 2016)

I think that if there was a 300 lb woman in the room with them taking part in the converation, some of the harsher things would have been reworded. It would have helped if they had some fat friends.


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## Tad (Nov 21, 2016)

Not that romantic/sexual partners don't enter into it, but I think more broadly there is a praise / prestige / privilege factor that matters at least as much to many people.


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## fuelingfire (Nov 21, 2016)

And the FA is challenging the status quo.


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## y2kboris1 (Nov 21, 2016)

Tad said:


> Not that romantic/sexual partners don't enter into it, but I think more broadly there is a praise / prestige / privilege factor that matters at least as much to many people.



Exactly Tad. It's almost as though some of them have an entitlement mentality. They think that since they've worked out to maintain their fitness that now they're entitled to pretty much choose whoever they want their partner to be (within reason). I think it's important to caution everyone in those moments; for both genders to remember they're not owed anything by anyone, for any reason, and just cause one group of individuals has a particular set of standards doesn't mean those standards can be universally applied to everyone.


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## Leem (Nov 22, 2016)

I felt that there was some "skinny privilege" going on in the video discussion. Somehow they felt that guys should not prefer the heavier girl and were put out by the idea even going so far as to say you can make a poll say anything(which is true to some extent). They also clearly looked down upon and considered women who are heavier as lesser people to be treated as such. Even though they gave lip service to the idea that it was ok to be heavier it was clear in their body language and facial expressions of how dare a fatter woman be preferred, "she is unhealthy". 

I also felt that two of the girls used the fit argument to put down fat girls, not recognizing that fat girls can also be healthy and at times are healthier than some skinny girls. Their are a lot of issues to discuss in these two videos but I feel that one of them is the argument that only thin is healthy and that has been proven to not be true. 

The ironic part is that the skinny girl felt attacked by one article when fat people are bombarded with negativity every day. Somehow it was detracting from her and how dare an article imply that men prefer someone heavier and then that is somehow a put down for the skinny woman. While I have not read nor even seen the article it is very telling that she felt put down, when it sounds like they were just reporting an informal poll and some how this means that there is skinny hate, one article =skinny hate. Crazy.


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## y2kboris1 (Nov 23, 2016)

I never necessarily agreed with their conclusions. I was just using the videos to prove a point that indeed some girls use the jealousy thing as a form of animosity against bigger women. I think Kittykitten first said it but then Tad nailed it. Some people really see society as a pecking order, and that people need to fall in line, which has a very entitlement mentality connected to it. That was mainly the point I was making with the vids but I fear the vids may derail the thread. Back to my original point; people shouldn't feel entitled to a particular body type just because they happen to have another particular body type that mainstream society deems more attractive. You should take each person on a case by case basis cause you just never know.


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## fuelingfire (Nov 23, 2016)

It depends on the view point. From a sociological standpoint, what you are saying is correct and what they believe is awful. 

From the ecology perspective, this is how species function. The most beautiful mates are the ones who will attract the most partners and be able to be more selective. Just like for most species, the most powerful male has the choice of who to mate with. This is very simplified, and there is no right or wrong judgment in this paragraph.

I suspect, in relation to the thread topic, it comes from frustration of seeing societal normal being violated and not knowing what to think about it. They give a knee jerk reaction, which often leads to saying terrible things. I would equate this to not really thinking through what this means. Thin women should not see fat women as something to fear. Those videos were usually speaking in absolutes, should thin women have to gain weight because of what a pole said?

I can give two other areas where I have witnessed similar reactions. This is not meant to change the topic.

1.	I eat a plant based diet (or vegan, though I am not really vegan) so no meat or dairy. I have been since 2010. I try not to bring it up to people, due to very strange reactions from them. One of the most recent was a nurse who upon finding out my diet, told me she was eating a grapefruit, what a grapefruit was, and that I should be able to eat grapefruit… I have no idea why, I didn’t ask what she was eating or what a grapefruit is.
2.	If you are Caucasian, ask yourself what it means to you to be white. I recently read this in a political article, but I felt mildly stumped. Most other races have no problem doing this. White people have a problem doing this because they (we) just think of white as being the norm, which doesn’t need explanation.


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## y2kboris1 (Nov 23, 2016)

fuelingfire said:


> It depends on the view point. From a sociological standpoint, what you are saying is correct and what they believe is awful.
> 
> From the ecology perspective, this is how species function. The most beautiful mates are the ones who will attract the most partners and be able to be more selective. Just like for most species, the most powerful male has the choice of who to mate with. This is very simplified, and there is no right or wrong judgment in this paragraph.
> 
> ...



So Fueling basically what you're saying is you think thin privilege exists? I have no doubt that social hierarchy plays into the psychology of why some people think they deserve a better mate. People think they deserve certain things for a lot of convoluted reasons: sometimes it's they make a lot of money, sometimes they're very athletic, smart, etc. Sometimes they just lucked out on the genetic lottery and are more fundamentally attractive, but it all goes back to the pecking order. I think it has more to do with the psychological makeup of individuals. If you teach someone from the moment they're born that as long as they adhere to some arbitrary standard (idk in this case for women they stay between 100-120 lbs) they'll be considered more attractive and find a partner easier. When it dawns on them that's not really the case some do become outright hostile, but in my own learned experience being thin doesn't just automatically get me stuff. Even at my thinnest/ most physically fit moments in life it never really changed the rate at which women were interested in me, only how they chose to deal with or interact with me. That was made obviously clear to me by my recent encounters at my gym.


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## Tad (Nov 23, 2016)

I would absolutely say that 'thin privilege' exists -- in varying degrees depending on your local setting/micro-culture.

I think that is part of why you get so much of women comparing the diets they are on and men comparing their exercise regimes -- they are confirming that they deserve that privilege.


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## y2kboris1 (Nov 23, 2016)

Tad said:


> I would absolutely say that 'thin privilege' exists -- in varying degrees depending on your local setting/micro-culture.
> 
> I think that is part of why you get so much of women comparing the diets they are on and men comparing their exercise regimes -- they are confirming that they deserve that privilege.



Tad if that is the case then wow. Talk about something laced with dark sardonic humor, but also incredible tragedy. My own personal philosophy in life has always been if you work hard, physically, intellectually, in school, work, your personal life etc; your efforts will be rewarded. My parents always taught me the world doesn't owe anyone jack-smack and if you want something you need to go out and earn it. I'm starting to wonder though what the difference is, or more precisely the conflation is between why some people feel as though they're entitled to something, and yet others learn to be more humble in their dealings? To me this type of thinking seems so alien cause my friends and I grew up in a kind of very conservative and religious setting so our parents taught us the importance of valuing others over material gain or status, but still. Do you think it's associated with personality type?


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## fuelingfire (Nov 23, 2016)

In the last 5 years the use of terms like “privilege” and “entitlements” has become buzz words with a negative connotation that have been used to elicit emotional responses. I dislike using them in my vocabulary. This is part of why I am not outright saying yes.

Thin attractive people have more options available to them. Some people are assholes. Some people have an inflated ego. Fat hate exists. You can mix and match these with each other.

I exercise because I like how it feels. I enjoy pushing myself. I have been exercising daily since probably the age of 12. I feel like something is wrong if I go three days without working out. I assume it has to do with endorphins. The fact that it helps my body look the way society says is attractive is more of a bonus. I don’t really feel I get an advantage over other people because of it.

Is what you guys are referring to is a woman who is obsessed with loosing that last 10 pounds because the number on the scale mean something to them? I think the last few post make more sense in that context.


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## Tad (Nov 23, 2016)

Boris -- I read one time (but long ago, cannot point to it, and it was anecdotal, so I can't swear that it is true ....) that a traveller in Tibet was amazed to see that one exercise that young monks went through was to sit outside, meditating, in the cold Tibetan weather, barely dressed, and draped in a wet sheet. The idea was that they would learn to control their body to the extant that they could stay warm despite those conditions.

This story went on to note that the young monks would compete to see who could dry their sheet the most quickly.

As I said, I don't swear that this story is true, but all the same I consider it a gorgeous illustration of human nature. No matter the setting on context, people compete. Sometimes in productive ways, sometimes in harmless ways, sometimes in destructive ways -- but even if we were to all agree that competition was bad, you just know that somebody would want to show that they were less competitive than everyone else ...

Even in your childhood community, there was probably people who always got to church early to get the pew at the front, or people always brought the best food to a pot-luck, or people who always had their lawn taken care of just so, and so on. And I would be shocked if you and your friends didn't know who the fastest runner was, the better batters at baseball, the one whose birthday parties were always just that little bit fancier -- and if there was not some degree of pride or prestige involved in such things.

But really, I'm just droaning about what Dr. Seuss illustrated so ever much better. Go to the 45 second mark of this video then watch it through. 

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPhOZzsi_6Q[/ame]

(and yes, I'm totally flaunting my knowledge of childhood culture  )


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## landshark (Nov 23, 2016)

fuelingfire said:


> I almost feel like this analogy might give the thin athletic view point. A woman work very hard to achieve this body that meets societys view of beauty. Then she sees an attractive guy go after a girl who clearly doesnt care about taking care of herself. This would be like a woman who worked hard to gain a million dollar wealth, only to see an attractive guy who wants to be with a poor person. It would be a head scratcher.



I definitely think there's something to this idea. If you talk to a lot of people who are fit they will often repeat a narrative along the lines of "I worked hard to get the body I have and I want someone who has put in an equal amount of effort..." and I think that's fair if that's something that's important to that person. And a lot of those same people will also agree people should date who they want and not judge negatively someone who is fit but wants to be in a relationship with a fat person. And then there are those who are mystified. And I've definitely encountered them over the years. The bigger issue though is not their anti-fat bias (that's just a symptom) but on a larger scale it's more likely an inability to understand someone else's point of view. Just go to HP and you'll see most of the threads there are defined by people who are unwilling or unable to see something from a PoV that is different from their own. So it should not come as a surprise to us to observe this human flaw as it applies to fit people disapproving of other fit people who date fat people.


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## y2kboris1 (Dec 7, 2016)

I'm not saying I've never observed people being competitive as part of normal human nature, part of everyday life in suburban America, but it just mesmerizes me how vitriolic some people can be in their judgements against others (especially when they absolutely DO NOT know the other person, their situation, and what they're about). The nights at Planet Fitness the girl scowled at me I imagine were similar to what BostonBBWluv experienced in the bank that one time. I've had nights where it was outright scowls, and then some girls will give me a telling smirk. I work for now during school at a local grocery store and in line sometimes girls will still flirt with me and it's obvious from the way I square against my workspace that they can see my wedding ring (yes I am married now). Yet these girls continue to flirt with me even after I clarify I am taken; a flash of the hand maybe? I'm not obscenely gesturing them, I'm trying to clarify that I'm taken, but they still don't care. It's like our entire generation is in moral decay.


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