# Your Deepest Fears



## saucywench (Mar 24, 2007)

I was pondering these questions today on the subject of fears. Do you feel your deepest (emotional) fears protect you or sabotage you? Have you had experiences of both, or either? Do your fears keep you from living your life more fully? I realize this is a highly personal topic, but please share if you are open to it.


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## AnnMarie (Mar 24, 2007)

It's a really good question, I'm not sure. I think my deepest fears are personal/emotionally based things about who I am, what I'm capable of, etc. I think I do a lot of things to try to make sure that what I "fear" I am is not who I am, at least by putting myself in situations that force me to stretch my ideas of myself. I hope that makes some sense. 

I think my innate fears, like my "collapsaphobia", rarely keep me from doing things that I'd want to do, but every once in a while I do see an example. For instance, this week THIS THING was all over the news. Just watching the news coverage made my bladder twitch, so you can bet your sweet ass I'm never going to get ON the damn thing. However, the idea of the beautiful view it could provide is intriguing to me, so I guess that fear will prevent me from doing that. 

Who knows, maybe if I was actually there and my friends were doing it, I'd be able to, but every cell in my body screams and runs for cover when I see it... so I tend to doubt it. Thank God it didn't actually end up looking like the artist rendering, I can barely even look at that thing with its skinny-ass floor!!!

I just ask them to take pictures for me.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 24, 2007)

First off, let me say, GREAT idea for a thread..... 

Second.... My deepest emotional fear is two fold. I fear not being in control of my life, my actions and my destiny. I'm not a drinker, nor have I ever been drunk. I don't care for the taste, but most of all I can't imagine being so drunk that I don't know what I did while I was drunk. 

I also fear never having some one truly love me. Truly love every single part of me - good, bad and otherwise. I have friends and family members tell me that I'm too loud and too pushy and too selfish. Why do I have to compromise who I am to have someone love me? Well, I need a man who can deal with loud, pushy and selfish. Until then.... I don't know. 

I think about both of these often and when I let those thoughts consume me, then it affects my life. It's happened... as recent as a week ago. As long as I don't wallow in the fears, I live my life as best as possible.


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## Fuzzy (Mar 24, 2007)

My fears dictate and control me. I am the very living essence of paranoia.

And yet... I like to explore caves. Hmm.


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## Ash (Mar 24, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> ITHIS THING was all over the news.



Ok, that thing is terrifying. 

I guess this part makes it a little better: "Shown here during construction, the skywalk is able to hold the weight of 71 fully-loaded Boeing 747 airplanes and contains more than one million pounds of steel."

But I'd still rather keep my chubby little feet on solid ground.


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## Fuzzy (Mar 24, 2007)

Oh yeah, I don't think I'll ever use the skywalk either. That's the stuff of nightmares. Along with the Towering Inferno, Earthquake, and Sixteen Candles.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Mar 24, 2007)

Getting REALLY sick.

Finding out I am REALLY sick.

Finding out there's nothing wrong with me.

Being told there's nothing wrong with me, finding out I'm sick later, but it's too late to do anything about it. 

Oh yeah, and doctors.


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## Blackjack (Mar 24, 2007)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Getting REALLY sick.
> 
> Finding out I am REALLY sick.
> 
> ...



On a related note, hospitals scare the *shit *out of me. I damn near had a panic attack last time I was in one, a year and a half ago.


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## Mini (Mar 24, 2007)

Hurting the people I care about. I can deal with anything else, but not that.


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## activistfatgirl (Mar 24, 2007)

Failure

Losing human connections/Being isolated, trapped, in solitude emotionally or physically

Insanity. (I'm serious, my mother is clinically psychotic and as little kids my sister and I were terrified we'd be crazy when we got older too.)

Falling and hurting myself


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## Tina (Mar 24, 2007)

This right here:







Losing those I love and care about; being immobile or in the kind of ill-health and pain I was in over 100 lbs ago.


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## AnnMarie (Mar 25, 2007)

Ashley said:


> Ok, that thing is terrifying.
> 
> I guess this part makes it a little better: "Shown here during construction, the skywalk is able to hold the weight of 71 fully-loaded Boeing 747 airplanes and contains more than one million pounds of steel."
> 
> But I'd still rather keep my chubby little feet on solid ground.



Yeah, I felt almost ok (still not willing to go on it, mind you) when I read the "hold the weight of..." but then the "one million pounds of steel" sent me straight back to crying and rocking mode. 

:blink: Yeah, one million pounds of steel placed precariously on a cliff 4000 feet above ground... seems like a nice weight to go crashing right into giant pit with a bunch of tiny, stupid, human ants attached to it!!!

*shudder*

And I can't get a clear answer from anything I've read, but I THINK the floor is clear??????? Holy shit, I hope the admission price comes with a straight jacket the day some drags my ass there.


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## AnnMarie (Mar 25, 2007)

activistfatgirl said:


> Falling and hurting myself



Yes, that too.


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## Fuzzy (Mar 25, 2007)

I'd had similar thoughts when I've gone to an aquarium, like the one in Newport, OR that has a "glass" tunnel thru a big tank full of aquatic life.. and all I can think about is the tunnel collapsing and drowning all the people.


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## Tina (Mar 25, 2007)

activistfatgirl said:


> Falling and hurting myself



Yep, same here. One good fall is all it takes to make life miserable for a _very_ long time. Been there.


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## AnnMarie (Mar 25, 2007)

Fuzzy said:


> I'd had similar thoughts when I've gone to an aquarium, like the one in Newport, OR that has a "glass" tunnel thru a big tank full of aquatic life.. and all I can think about is the tunnel collapsing and drowning all the people.




Shockingly I'm pretty much ok (not fine, but I can deal) being under things, it's being on top of things that have nothing under them that just freaks me out completely. I step over/around drain grates, I was close to full panic one year in Atlanta when I had to walk down stairs made of plexiglass (anyone at the convention may remember them at the back exit of the hotel), etc. I have issues.


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## Chimpi (Mar 25, 2007)

Ashley said:


> "Shown here during construction, the skywalk is able to hold the weight of 71 fully-loaded Boeing 747 airplanes and contains more than one million pounds of steel."



... That is a *LOT* of steel. Holy crapola. Not that I am trying to justify the Skywalk, but that is a lot of steel and a lot of weight capacity. We should get everyone on Dimensions on that thing and have a party!!!  Who's with me? Yes, I would actually go across that Skywalk.

Honestly, I can't think of any deep fears that I may have. Not at this time anyway. I think the one thing, right now, that scares me most is the doubt of being truly happy ever again. I'm sure it will happen, and I welcome each moment of it, but to never be truly happy. It's a scary thought...
And to just ride the band wagon, definately hurting the people I care for is always something that I can never handle well. Even a little emotional distress for some can be incredibly painful.  

Those particular fears definately hinder a lot of certain outcomes when presented with certain situations. I can truly be a paranoid person when it comes to protecting myself, and protecting others, and that really leads to a lot of sadness and/or depression sometimes. However, falling into a depression hole makes me feel so warm and cozy, it's easy to feel okay with myself.
And yes, it definately holds me back from living my life to the fullest. I go into no more detail ...


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## Tina (Mar 25, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> Shockingly I'm pretty much ok (not fine, but I can deal) being under things, it's being on top of things that have nothing under them that just freaks me out completely. I step over/around drain grates, I was close to full panic one year in Atlanta when I had to walk down stairs made of plexiglass (anyone at the convention may remember them at the back exit of the hotel), etc. I have issues.



I can relate to this; I would have freaked out, too. A freaky/scary re-occurring dream of mine is that I live in a house on the beach (like, almost in the water). It's on stilts and it has a glass floor. The thing sways, and so walking around isn't easy, and I try not to look down, but it does no good, because all the floors are made entirely of thick glass. In a detached way I think it would actually be kind of cool to have that view, but IRL, I couldn't handle it. Someone would have to peel me off the ceiling.


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## Chimpi (Mar 25, 2007)

So a common theme appearing itself here is the removal of any sort of ground below your feet (you being 'you' in general). I, too, fall victim to fears of such things happening. It's not a pleasant feeling....


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## Michelle (Mar 25, 2007)

AnnMarie, the floor is four inch thick glass. You'd _hate_ it. Unlike the rest of you, I'd love to be on that thing. Sounds fun and really interesting.

Physically, my biggest fear is my car going out of control and plunging into deep water somewhere. Not likely to happen, but you never know.  Emotionally, the biggest fear is being totally and completely alone in this world, with no one who cares about me.


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## AnnMarie (Mar 25, 2007)

Michelle said:


> AnnMarie, the floor is four inch thick glass. You'd _hate_ it. Unlike the rest of you, I'd love to be on that thing. Sounds fun and really interesting.
> 
> Physically, my biggest fear is my car going out of control and plunging into deep water somewhere. Not likely to happen, but you never know.  Emotionally, the biggest fear is being totally and completely alone in this world, with no one who cares about me.



Well, at least it will be low maintenance for cleaning up the mess from people who lose lunch or control while up there... LOL - 4 inch???????????????????? HA!!! NO F-ING WAY. Never. Ever.

Buy yourself one of those window breaker things to keep in your car. That way, you'll feel some sense of preparedness should your fear ever happen, however unlikely. You break the window, wait for the water pressure to equalize inside/outside the car so you can open the door and escape. Just remember to hold your breath when you break the window!  

This one goes on your keychain so it's always easy to find in case you need it: http://tinyurl.com/24ehzd


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## Michelle (Mar 25, 2007)

Hey, that's a cool gadget. Thanks for the link. That solves part of the problem, for sure. The other part of the problem is that I can't swim. :-/


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## tinkerbell (Mar 25, 2007)

My biggest fear is that I may have lost my one chance to have a family/children. Its a long story, so I'll just leave it at that.

I have a few stupid fears. By stupid I mean, things that I really shouldn't be afraid of.

I'm afraid of the dark. And of mirrors in the dark. I wont look into a mirror if its dark. I turn my mirrors around in the bedroom, so lol when I have to get up and pee, I wont be tempted to look in them. Its so stupid too 

I am also afraid of spiders and any insects. And.... I always get laughed at for this one...Butterflies. Yes, I am afraid of butterflies. They used to chase me when I was a kid. They DID!!


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## AnnMarie (Mar 25, 2007)

Michelle said:


> Hey, that's a cool gadget. Thanks for the link. That solves part of the problem, for sure. The other part of the problem is that I can't swim. :-/



You fat = You float

So just free yourself and let buoyancy do the rest!


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## Ash (Mar 25, 2007)

tinkerbell said:


> I am also afraid of spiders and any insects. And.... I always get laughed at for this one...Butterflies. Yes, I am afraid of butterflies. They used to chase me when I was a kid. They DID!!



No judgment, here. I'm afraid of birds! Most people think that that's the craziest fear ever.


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## MisticalMisty (Mar 25, 2007)

Fuzzy said:


> I'd had similar thoughts when I've gone to an aquarium, like the one in Newport, OR that has a "glass" tunnel thru a big tank full of aquatic life.. and all I can think about is the tunnel collapsing and drowning all the people.



I'm glad I read this today and not last Thursday. We went to the Oklahoma Aquarium and we walked thru the Shark Tunnel..I have to admit..my heart skipped a beat..but I was ok soon after..


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## ClashCityRocker (Mar 25, 2007)

biggest fears...

ok i'm extremely claustrophobic, and when i was younger i had this dream every so often that i was laying in a cast that was fitted to my body so i couldnt so much as move a finger...that'd be my number one.

horses. i dont want to be near them, i dont want them to see me, i dont want to see them.

there's one or 2 more, but they're extremely personal.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 25, 2007)

I hate spiders with every inch of my being.

It's sort of really embarrassing when you're walking and all of a sudden you hit one of those random inch worm threads and you start flailing about like an idiot. Although, I walk around with my iPod everywhere I go now, so when that happens people just think I am practicing to be in one of their commercials.


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## ClashCityRocker (Mar 25, 2007)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I hate spiders with every inch of my being.
> 
> It's sort of really embarrassing when you're walking and all of a sudden you hit one of those random inch worm threads and you start flailing about like an idiot. Although, I walk around with my iPod everywhere I go now, so when that happens people just think I am practicing to be in one of their commercials.



spiders, huh? interesting, interesting...insects dont phase me, save for CAVE CRICKETS. i wont be in the same room with those. i'd rather EAT a live spider than stand in a room with a cave cricket in it.


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## heatherpotter (Mar 25, 2007)

I am absolutely terrified of aliens. Not the ones in movies like Alien, but the big eyed, abduct you in the middle of the night variety. I can't look at pictures of them, or even watch The X-files because of it. I've been afraid of them since at least the age of ten. It's a totally irrational fear, but I can't really help it. Even typing this is freaking me out a little bit!


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## ClashCityRocker (Mar 25, 2007)

heatherpotter said:


> I am absolutely terrified of aliens. Not the ones in movies like Alien, but the big eyed, abduct you in the middle of the night variety. I can't look at pictures of them, or even watch The X-files because of it. I've been afraid of them since at least the age of ten. It's a totally irrational fear, but I can't really help it. Even typing this is freaking me out a little bit!



AGREED. dear God...i remember not being able to sleep after having conversations about aliens w/friends at sleepovers.


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## liz (di-va) (Mar 25, 2007)

I'm afraid of heights, also falling. And claustrophobia/immobilization/not being able to breathe.

Being afraid of heights is one I feel a lot; for instance, doctor's office on 30th floor (feel that one in my knees!). It doesn't keep me from going, but I definitely notice it. The fear that's interfered in my life the most, though, is fear of driving. Right around 9-11 I was driving on Lake Shore Drive when I saw somebody die in traffic. About a month after that I got rear-ended--just the right PTSD combo to make me...phobic. I live downtown and don't really need a car, but...But.


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## heatherpotter (Mar 25, 2007)

ClashCityRocker said:


> AGREED. dear God...i remember not being able to sleep after having conversations about aliens w/friends at sleepovers.



Finally! Someone else who feels my pain, haha. I have always gotten so much crap for being afraid of them.

Another fear of mine is the ocean and sharks. I've had dreams since I was really young about floating in the ocean with no boat or raft. Just the thought of what would be swimming around underneath me, ugh. I'm not afraid of sharks because of JAWS, either. The way they look just creeps me out.


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## Tina (Mar 25, 2007)

ClashCityRocker said:


> spiders, huh? interesting, interesting...insects dont phase me, save for CAVE CRICKETS. i wont be in the same room with those. i'd rather EAT a live spider than stand in a room with a cave cricket in it.



Clash, what is a cave cricket?

And I hear you about horses, but for a different reason: I am so allergic that if I am around horse dander, even if it's on someone else's clothing, and do not get to a doctor? I die.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Mar 25, 2007)

Tina said:


> Clash, what is a cave cricket?
> 
> And I hear you about horses, but for a different reason: I am so allergic that if I am around horse dander, even if it's on someone else's clothing, and do not get to a doctor? I die.



That's awful, Tina. I can't imagine life forbidden from ANY animal.


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## Tina (Mar 25, 2007)

Well, better horses than dogs or cats, I feel, but yeah, not so great.


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## ClashCityRocker (Mar 25, 2007)

Tina said:


> Clash, what is a cave cricket?
> 
> And I hear you about horses, but for a different reason: I am so allergic that if I am around horse dander, even if it's on someone else's clothing, and do not get to a doctor? I die.



i was gonna try to include a picture in this description, but i might actually vomit. they're sandy brown with curled up bodies, almost like a hunchback cricket. they hind legs are long, but the other legs are pretty long as well. they jump FAR and FAST. HARD TO KILL. absolute monsters.


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## Tina (Mar 25, 2007)

Ew. I guess I won't go looking for pictures; they sound disgusting. I do not like any bug that can jump far and fast, I don't care what they look like. Not really a bug person anyway, though I can tolerate lady bugs.

One that I never want to see is a palmetto bug -- a huge, flying cockroach. I have read accounts of what happens with them and it squicks me out. One woman talked about driving down the road with her window open, and one got caught up in her hair. She tried to get it out and it clung on to her finger, so she kept trying to shake it off with her hand out the window. Finally she got the sucker off. Evidently, you can hear them walk across a linoleum or tile floor, they're so big.

Once, I lived in a place where scorpions would sometimes get in the house. That was fun.


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## butch (Mar 25, 2007)

I've tried to work on most of my personal fears in the past year or 3, and so at the moment I don't feel as oppressed by my emotional/mental fears, except for one. I'm terrified of expressing my anger towards another human being. I have this irrational fear that if I did, one day I'd lose control and do something violent (really violent). I have absolutely no history of ever being violent with another person, nor have I had a relationship in my life with a physically violent person, but this fear is so strong that I don't know now how I could even express anger (except as a disassociated concept) towards another person.

I think I've repressed anger for so long that I have no idea what it feels like, honestly. I mean, I know what it feels like when I'm in my car and someone cuts me off, or I drop a glass and it breaks all over the kitchen floor, but to be angry at someone I care about-too scary, must keep the anger deep inside myself. I guess this is the next area of my life to deal with.


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## ClashCityRocker (Mar 25, 2007)

Tina said:


> Ew. I guess I won't go looking for pictures; they sound disgusting. I do not like any bug that can jump far and fast, I don't care what they look like. Not really a bug person anyway, though I can tolerate lady bugs.
> 
> One that I never want to see is a palmetto bug -- a huge, flying cockroach. I have read accounts of what happens with them and it squicks me out. One woman talked about driving down the road with her window open, and one got caught up in her hair. She tried to get it out and it clung on to her finger, so she kept trying to shake it off with her hand out the window. Finally she got the sucker off. Evidently, you can hear them walk across a linoleum or tile floor, they're so big.
> 
> Once, I lived in a place where scorpions would sometimes get in the house. That was fun.



my dad used to tell me funny palmetto bug stories from nam...about having to sleep next to a fan on full blast so they couldnt climb on you and things like that. id like to see one just to say i saw it.


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## Friday (Mar 25, 2007)

I will always be afraid of bees, not so much honey bees, but hornets, wasps, yellow jackets, all the kinds that get made and can sting repeatedly. Also, I won't go to the very edge of lookout point to look. 3' back is plenty close for me. Mostly, I fear dying alone. I don't fear dying really, just being alone.


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## Zandoz (Mar 25, 2007)

Many if not most of mine, that I would have listed not too many years ago, have come to fruition <shrug>. Whats left is a phobia over confinement, being unable to move and/or breath...doing something that will somehow result in someone else getting hurt or killed.

The sky walk thing...as long as I didn't have to actually walk, I'd love it. Put me on a scooter, and I'm good to go!


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## Fuzzy (Mar 25, 2007)

liz (di-va) said:


> I'm afraid of heights, also falling. And claustrophobia/immobilization/not being able to breathe.
> 
> Being afraid of heights is one I feel a lot; for instance, doctor's office on 30th floor (feel that one in my knees!). It doesn't keep me from going, but I definitely notice it. The fear that's interfered in my life the most, though, is fear of driving. Right around 9-11 I was driving on Lake Shore Drive when I saw somebody die in traffic. About a month after that I got rear-ended--just the right PTSD combo to make me...phobic. I live downtown and don't really need a car, but...But.



So you'd be one NOT to ride that rollercoaster on top of the Stratosphere Tower in Vegas?


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## saucywench (Mar 25, 2007)

ClashCityRocker said:


> i was gonna try to include a picture in this description, but i might actually vomit. they're sandy brown with curled up bodies, almost like a hunchback cricket. they hind legs are long, but the other legs are pretty long as well. they jump FAR and FAST. HARD TO KILL. absolute monsters.


Tina, I could tell you about cave crickets. Several years ago I noticed these creepy-looking guys in my house on occasion. To me they kind of looked like a cross between a cricket and a grasshopper, and that's how I described them to the exterminator when it was time for my seasonal inspection. He went under the house and came back to tell me there were hundreds down there. :shocked: He did what was required to get rid of them and I have rarely seen one since. Whew.


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## ATrueFA (Mar 25, 2007)

After watching both my folks die of cancer one of my biggest fears was hoping I wouldn't die that way also so a year ago when I found out I had cancer I thought for sure that fear would soon become fact. Fortunately I've been cancer free since the operation but have my next 3 month check up April 3rd. There have been some bad scares along the way though such has having a never ending migraine headache with random double vision and tachycardia for 3 straight months that nothing would help and the Docs thought it was a met to the brain or skull. After a CT scan, bone scan and 2 MRIs it turned out to be a herniated disc in my upper spine in my neck pinching nerves....

My other biggest fear also seems to be coming true - growing old and STILL being alone and un-loved and becoming known as the eccentric old man with cats...

Speaking of Palmetto bugs - I visited a friend in FL once and at night every square inch of the exterior of his house was covered with them... One summer the parking lot at work was just totally covered with them also, we had fun sending them to people at work via the inter office mail syatem..


Dave


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## saucywench (Mar 25, 2007)

ClashCityRocker said:


> my dad used to tell me funny palmetto bug stories from nam...about having to sleep next to a fan on full blast so they couldnt climb on you and things like that. id like to see one just to say i saw it.


Trust me, if cave crickets give you the heebie-jeebies, you don't want to encounter a palmetto bug (aka water bug, another cutesy euphemism like palmetto bug which in reality is a big, freaking, gross COCKROACH). Here's an image for your perusal (and everyone else can thank me for posting only the url of an artist's rendering rather than the image itself or a photograph of a real one. Click at your own risk.)  

http://www.ozane.com/images/pestprofileimages/browncockroach.jpg

I have/had these, too, but fortunately with extermination I haven't seen them in a while. My exterminator told me that they like to nest in a specific tree that I have in my yard, ordinarily, and come into homes during dry periods (summer) seeking water. Well, after Googling around and looking at images of different types of cockroaches, it appears there is a lot of misinformation all around about them, even among so-called experts. One site says that the American cockroach is sub-tropical (I live in Arkansas and, while it can get hot as hell here, it's hardly subtropical--or maybe it is and I'm just ignorant) and mostly found in shipping ports. Huh? I know they are common in Florida, Louisiana, and Texas. I guess maybe they just migrated up here from points more south--sort of like fire ants, which, since I mention it, I now have an infestation of in my front yard. :blink:


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## saucywench (Mar 25, 2007)

butch said:


> I've tried to work on most of my personal fears in the past year or 3, and so at the moment I don't feel as oppressed by my emotional/mental fears, except for one. I'm terrified of expressing my anger towards another human being. I have this irrational fear that if I did, one day I'd lose control and do something violent (really violent). I have absolutely no history of ever being violent with another person, nor have I had a relationship in my life with a physically violent person, but this fear is so strong that I don't know now how I could even express anger (except as a disassociated concept) towards another person.
> 
> I think I've repressed anger for so long that I have no idea what it feels like, honestly. I mean, I know what it feels like when I'm in my car and someone cuts me off, or I drop a glass and it breaks all over the kitchen floor, but to be angry at someone I care about-too scary, must keep the anger deep inside myself. I guess this is the next area of my life to deal with.


Butch, your answer is more along the lines of what I was getting at, although a few others have touched on it some. I thank everyone for responding, but it kind of went off on a tangent that was a little different from what I was expecting. That's quite OK, though, as it's been interesting to read of other types of fears as well.

It's all kind of been rolling around in my head only recently. That's one reason why I haven't even been able to comment myself yet on it, and why I was seeking input. It may also explain why I didn't frame the questions in ways that are easily understood. Or maybe it's all too personal for most folks to get a handle on. I'm going to give it a little more time to process and then come back in a few days (or however long it takes) and try to explain myself.


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## rainyday (Mar 25, 2007)

1. Loss

2. Watching a loved one be in pain again

3. Debilitating illness and/or falling

4. Living a long time and ending up as a burden to family members




> Do you feel your deepest (emotional) fears protect you or sabotage you?


Number 3 protects me because it makes me want to take better care of my health. 



> Do your fears keep you from living your life more fully?


Numbers 1 and 2 do. I'm working on it though.


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## BigCutieSasha (Mar 25, 2007)

1) I fear growing up alone. Not in the sence of needing someone by my side 24/7. But not having someone to share my life with. 
2) I fear dying or having people die without give that final goodbye and I love you. 
3) I fear extreme change. I like change. Everyone needs it in their life. But so drastic to where you weren't and can't be ready for it scares me.
4) I fear making mistakes. Not little ones that are insegnificant, but ones that your decision will affect you if not for a long time, your whole life as well.
5) I fear looking back at my life and regreting not having taken more chances. (which can kinda conflict with number 4)


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## Phalloidium (Mar 25, 2007)

activistfatgirl said:


> Failure



Don't fear failure. The most successful people are also those who failed the most. The difference between success and a lack of results is persevering or quitting after failure.


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## imfree (Mar 25, 2007)

ATrueFA said:


> My other biggest fear also seems to be coming true - growing old and STILL being alone and un-loved and becoming known as the eccentric old man with cats...
> 
> Dave


 
The thought of dying alone, without a lover, scares me to death! My ex and I separated 7 years ago and I've yet to meet my SOUL-Mate, whom I would think to be an SSBBW who prefers Love-Touch over intercourse. The thought of
dying without finding her frightens and hurts me.


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## Waxwing (Mar 25, 2007)

activistfatgirl said:


> Failure
> 
> Losing human connections/Being isolated, trapped, in solitude emotionally or physically
> 
> ...


 
I kind of want to send you a hug, because you just took the fears out of my mouth? head? 

Yes. All of those things, though in my case replace crazy mother with crazy father. When I was growing up I was obsessed with constantly "figuring out" if i had "turned schizophrenic" or not. I didn't, but to this day it still scares me. 

Add to those, fear of being unable to move. That, I think, relates to the fear of isolation and helplessness. 

Fear of failure, god yes, every second of every day. 

And, you know, spiders. Well, and shitting myself. But how prosaic.


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## supersoup (Mar 25, 2007)

letting my friends/family down

being bitter forever, not ever being able to let some things go

being 'stuck' in the life i lead right now/being a failure forever

the whole living alone/being alone forever thing, though being with someone again scares me just as much...

and as dumb as it sounds, my mama dying. i really don't know what the hell i'll do when it happens, she is my world...and just typing it now is giving me heart palpitations.

oh, and the lovely that said shitting myself. i'm with you on that one!


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## Tina (Mar 25, 2007)

ClashCityRocker said:


> my dad used to tell me funny palmetto bug stories from nam...about having to sleep next to a fan on full blast so they couldnt climb on you and things like that. id like to see one just to say i saw it.



Ew. Somehow, that sounds more gross than funny, Clash.  My family thought at one point that we would be moving to South Carolina. I felt that, given that there are tons of those bugs there, that I would have to live in a beekeeper's suit and have mosquito netting everywhere. I truly would freak out to be in your father's position.

Dave and Saucy, that sounds really disgusting. Bugs -- hate 'em!:blink:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 25, 2007)

My life changed forever, for the better, with the births of my children so my greatest fear- bigger than anything else, is something happening to my children- whether it is illness, being hurt or being kidnapped/molested. 
I also fear not being a good enough mother to them. I often time wonder if I'm screwing them up somehow mentally due to all the baggage/fears/anger I still carry with me from my past. 
So far so good, though, if my oldest daughter is a measure 

I also fear that the years of being married to an alcoholic and all the fighting that my oldest has seen will somehow end her up in a screwed up relationship because I am her female role model. Thinking of her is partly what gave me the strength to finally leave him. 

Lastly, I fear cancer or other health problems. A lot of the people in my family have died at young ages so this knowledge sometimes is what drives me to exercise, not smoke and used to be one of the reasons I dieted. However, I still make some very poor food choices but feel that I'm more in an "okay" place with food now than ever before.


I find this poem inspirational and it seems fitting for this thread....

*Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson *

 Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.


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## kathynoon (Mar 25, 2007)

My mom and her 3 sisters all ended up with Alzheimers. So I have a strong fear that I will end up with it. I do try to do things I want rather than putting them off until later, just in case there is no later.

I have a fear of killer bees, wild dogs, hornets and wasps, and snakes. Not really much I can do about those.

I have a fear of walking down stairs. It started when I was a kid and my cousins and I walked down the stairs of the Washington Monument. About 1/2 down I was a basket case. Now they scare me to death. And if I anyone is behind me while walking down stairs, I cannot handle it.

I have a fear of squirrels. I hit one with my car once, looked in the mirror and could not see it on the road. When I got home, it was on the front of my car. 1/2 in the grill, the rest sticking out like it was a decoration. My dad came over and pulled it out and bruried it in my yard. Then someone/somthing kept digging it up and putting it in front of my door. It was like it was haunting me for killing it. I finally put it in a trashbag and drove far away and threw it in a dumpster.


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## ScreamingChicken (Mar 25, 2007)

-Another seizure. One more and I am diagnosed as an epileptic. I don't want my wife to have that sense of helplessness again like she did the last two times she witnessed me having one.
-Chainsaws. 
-Cancer. It's rampant on my side of the family as well as my wife's. A time bomb waiting to go off.
-Unemployment. Being laid off and out of a job for nine moths was enough to suit me for a lifetime.


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## Jay West Coast (Mar 25, 2007)

1) Failure to fulfill my potential.


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## Waxwing (Mar 25, 2007)

Jay West Coast said:


> 1) Failure to fulfill my potential.



This is such a common fear, it seems (and by common I don't in any way mean to demean it, just point out that it's widely shared). I was considering it today after AFG's post as well as my own, and I realized that this fear demands that we define whose "potential" we're trying to live up to. 

That is, I wonder how much of this fear can be chalked up to expectations and pressures upon us by outside forces. Others expect us to be something, and we take that on.

Okay, I'm babbling, but as this is a close personal fear of mine, I often wonder if I need to beat myself up quite as much as I do because of it. Maybe potential is too often that which is defined by the outside world, and not that which you desire for yourself.

waxwing shuts up now.


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## Tooz (Mar 25, 2007)

BigCutieSasha said:


> 1) I fear growing up alone. Not in the sence of needing someone by my side 24/7. But not having someone to share my life with.



Me too.
Add to that brain tumors and spiders.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 25, 2007)

Tooz... rest assured that people can survive brain tumors. I've seen it. 

2 1/2 years ago my mom had a seizure and after a CAT scan and MRI, they discovered an egg size tumor behind her right eye...pushing on the nerve to her eye. Fortunately it was benign. Today, she's 70 years old and has had NO side effects. No memory loss, no motor skill impairment, no limb paralysis...nothing. It's like it never happened. 

So there is hope for that one.


Spiders on the other hand......





Tooz said:


> Me too.
> Add to that brain tumors and spiders.


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## Waxwing (Mar 25, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Tooz... rest assured that people can survive brain tumors. I've seen it.



*raises hand*

I had a tumor on my optic nerve which grew into my brain. I had it removed 2 years ago. It was scary as all hell, but it turned out okay. And though it will likely grow back, requiring another surgery, I'm ok.

So, sometimes even The Worst Thing isn't as bad as you think.


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## BigCutieSasha (Mar 25, 2007)

Jay West Coast said:


> 1) Failure to fulfill my potential.



That wont ever happen. You have too much ambition for your own good.


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## Krissy12 (Mar 25, 2007)

I'm one of those *this is hard for me to admit* can't-drive-the-highway people. Nor can I drive long distances. Why? No effing clue. I can easily drive in my city, all over it because there aren't any large bridges or anything. Even watching someone drive over like the Golden Gate bridge freaks me out for the driver. I'm an awesome passenger though! 

So, naturally, if someone ever said, "Road trip" to me..I would be totally anxious that they would ask me to drive. It's not gonna happen.

/Shame, total shame.


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## Tooz (Mar 25, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Tooz... rest assured that people can survive brain tumors. I've seen it.
> 
> 2 1/2 years ago my mom had a seizure and after a CAT scan and MRI, they discovered an egg size tumor behind her right eye...pushing on the nerve to her eye. Fortunately it was benign. Today, she's 70 years old and has had NO side effects. No memory loss, no motor skill impairment, no limb paralysis...nothing. It's like it never happened.
> 
> ...


Well, brain surgery scares me. Like, I have this horrible mental image of having the top of my skull sawed off and stuff.


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## Tooz (Mar 25, 2007)

Krissy12 said:


> I'm one of those *this is hard for me to admit* can't-drive-the-highway people. Nor can I drive long distances. Why? No effing clue. I can easily drive in my city, all over it because there aren't any large bridges or anything. Even watching someone drive over like the Golden Gate bridge freaks me out for the driver. I'm an awesome passenger though!
> 
> So, naturally, if someone ever said, "Road trip" to me..I would be totally anxious that they would ask me to drive. It's not gonna happen.
> 
> /Shame, total shame.



Okay, I was the same way until I had good reason to not be. There's a somewhat short highway here, the 290 (tooninney). It's always, ALWAYS packed full of crazy people going like 80 miles an hour. I NEVER, EVER thought I could handle it.

But now, if it's not rush hour, I can use it! Just think baby steps.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 25, 2007)

Bravo!! Congratulations!!! 




Waxwing said:


> *raises hand*
> 
> I had a tumor on my optic nerve which grew into my brain. I had it removed 2 years ago. It was scary as all hell, but it turned out okay. And though it will likely grow back, requiring another surgery, I'm ok.
> 
> So, sometimes even The Worst Thing isn't as bad as you think.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 25, 2007)

I won't kid you...she looked nasty, and Waxwing can probably attest to that, but as long as one lives thru it.... that's the important thing.....






Tooz said:


> Well, brain surgery scares me. Like, I have this horrible mental image of having the top of my skull sawed off and stuff.


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## Tooz (Mar 25, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> I won't kid you...she looked nasty, and Waxwing can probably attest to that, but as long as one lives thru it.... that's the important thing.....



Did they actually have to get their skull sawed off? ;-;


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## Krissy12 (Mar 25, 2007)

Tooz said:


> Okay, I was the same way until I had good reason to not be. There's a somewhat short highway here, the 290 (tooninney). It's always, ALWAYS packed full of crazy people going like 80 miles an hour. I NEVER, EVER thought I could handle it.
> 
> But now, if it's not rush hour, I can use it! Just think baby steps.



It's way more deep seated than that, unfortunately. I used to drive the highway FAST in my teens and early twenties, then started having the panic attacks while on them and now it's just a classic case of anxiety avoidance behavior. Sometimes, it doesn't even have to be a highway..it can be a long stretch of road where people are going fast. 

Weirdly, I jam through the city streets not driving the speed limit all the time in my car.

Thanks for the advice though!


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 25, 2007)

In my mom's case, they cut a hole about 3" across...removed that, went in, removed the tumor and then put the piece back. They had peeled back her scalp (after shaving it). She had a questionmark shaped incision that was pretty nasty looking, but now that her hair has grown back you can't even see it. 

She had a lot of brain swelling right after the surgery, and a blood clot at the site, so they went back in, removed the clot and left the piece of skull out for a few days while her brain swelling went down. A few days later, they went back in and put the piece of skull back in. 

So they only sawed a small piece of her skull open. I think it all depends on where the tumor is, and how big it is. 





Tooz said:


> Did they actually have to get their skull sawed off? ;-;


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## Fuzzy (Mar 25, 2007)

I don't fear dying alone, but I do fear being forgotten.


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## Regular Bill (Mar 25, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Tooz... rest assured that people can survive brain tumors. I've seen it.
> 
> 2 1/2 years ago my mom had a seizure and after a CAT scan and MRI, they discovered an egg size tumor behind her right eye...pushing on the nerve to her eye. Fortunately it was benign. Today, she's 70 years old and has had NO side effects. No memory loss, no motor skill impairment, no limb paralysis...nothing. It's like it never happened.
> 
> ...



I had one when I was 15 years old. It was situated on the left side of my head next to the brain under the skull. I'm not worried about it because I got surgery and have been cancer free for 22 years. The only real fears I have are not being loved and not living a full and productive life.


Bill


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 25, 2007)

Congratulations!! Surviving is fantastic!!




Regular Bill said:


> I had one when I was 15 years old. It was situated on the left side of my head next to the brain under the skull. I'm not worried about it because I got surgery and have been cancer free for 22 years.





DITTO on both.....




> The only real fears I have are not being loved and not living a full and productive life.
> 
> Bill


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## Butterbelly (Mar 25, 2007)

I've enjoyed many of the responses posted on this thread. I'm always amazed at what people are fearful of, including my own fears.

I've had my ups and downs recently in life, and I wasn't sure if I would be strong enough emotionally and mentally to make it through them, but I learned I'm a fighter and I won't let things knock me down.

My biggest fear in life is failure. I've always felt I had to prove myself to someone, whether it be someone in the family, co-workers, or just myself, in general. The thought of failing, at one point in time, was all I could think about. This is probably why I pushed myself academically, and still continue to do so. 

My second biggest fear is abandonment. I never had a father growing up. He decided he wanted a divorce from my mother when she was seven months pregnant with me. The divorce was finalized three months after I was born. I didn't know my father until I was almost sixteen years old, and still do not have a relationship with him (by my own choosing). I know this fear has played a significant role in my relationships. I'll let people get close to me, and then push them away when I feel they are too close for comfort.


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## Regular Bill (Mar 25, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Congratulations!! Surviving is fantastic!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Yeah it is. but I wish I got some sort of manual to help through the rest of my life. It's been all trail an error...but I guess it's that way for everyone. I do have to say that I belive cancer,and all of the other problems it caused,made me a better person. I can truly say I'm a better person for it.


Bill

P.S. Congratulations on your mother's recovery.


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## out.of.habit (Mar 25, 2007)

Fuzzy said:


> I don't fear dying alone, but I do fear being forgotten.



Not to invalidate you and/or your fear, really, but there's just no way that you're going to be forgotten. Just no way possible. I say that because I can't possibly let it go unsaid.

...back to your regularly scheduled fear discussion...


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## Tina (Mar 25, 2007)

Such strength we have here, and what an amazing group of people you all are. 

And Kathy...


kathynoon said:


> I have a fear of squirrels. I hit one with my car once, looked in the mirror and could not see it on the road. When I got home, it was on the front of my car. 1/2 in the grill, the rest sticking out like it was a decoration. My dad came over and pulled it out and bruried it in my yard. Then someone/somthing kept digging it up and putting it in front of my door. It was like it was haunting me for killing it. I finally put it in a trashbag and drove far away and threw it in a dumpster.



This is bizarre. It sounds like fodder for a horror short film.


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## Fuzzy (Mar 25, 2007)

out.of.habit said:


> Not to invalidate you and/or your fear, really, but there's just no way that you're going to be forgotten. Just no way possible. I say that because I can't possibly let it go unsaid.
> 
> ...back to your regularly scheduled fear discussion...



*Help! Help! I'm unable to dispense rep! Someone Help!*


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## saucywench (Mar 26, 2007)

Tina said:


> And Kathy...
> 
> 
> This is bizarre. It sounds like fodder for a horror short film.


To me it sounds like Waxwing's location (All up in your grill.)


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## Violet_Beauregard (Mar 26, 2007)

Well, if we all had a manual for life, wouldn't it all be boring? LOL What a great outlook though, to take it as a learning experience. BRAVO!

Thanks, my mom is great!





Regular Bill said:


> Yeah it is. but I wish I got some sort of manual to help through the rest of my life. It's been all trail an error...but I guess it's that way for everyone. I do have to say that I belive cancer,and all of the other problems it caused,made me a better person. I can truly say I'm a better person for it.
> 
> 
> Bill
> ...


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## Tina (Mar 26, 2007)

Fuzzy, I repped ooh for you. I also completely agree with her. 

Saucy:






That would be SO creepy, though!


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## Regular Bill (Mar 26, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Well, if we all had a manual for life, wouldn't it all be boring? LOL What a great outlook though, to take it as a learning experience. BRAVO!
> 
> Thanks, my mom is great!



Knowing my luck...I would have lost the manual on the bus or at the very least spilled coffee on the really important parts. As far as the outlook goes it's been a hard journey but I'm glad I took the trip. I have gotten to meet a lot of intresting people, including the people here.:happy: 

Bill


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## This1Yankee (Mar 26, 2007)

Drowning

My son dying.

My son being physically/sexually/emotionally abused by ANYONE. I would give my own life if it meant that he would be spared from any of these things.

Never getting a chance to explore my "passions" in life.


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## Chimpi (Mar 26, 2007)

This1Yankee said:


> My son being physically/sexually/emotionally abused by ANYONE.



Many, many, many kudos to you on that one. Such things are practiced all too often, and to see the other end is always enlightening.


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## out.of.habit (Mar 26, 2007)

Fuzzy said:


> *Help! Help! I'm unable to dispense rep! Someone Help!*





Tina said:


> Fuzzy, I repped ooh for you. I also completely agree with her.



What a great thing to wake up to! Thanks you two, that made my day.


Aaaaand, to keeping with the fears because I keep wandering off with the thread... I had to think about this one for a little while. 

One of my biggest fears is losing a loved-one, especially if the last words I said to them weren't "I love you." This seems to be more protective than anything, significantly impacting the chances of my going to bed, or leaving the house angry (this isn't usually a problem, though). 

I also fear having many regrets. This one has actually been more useful to me than anything. I think it is part of what has spurred me on to live more fully, and less judgementally (again, wasn't a problem historically, but has helped me to be more self-aware), and with more enthusiasm about even the most benign things. This is the first time I've really articulated this second fear, and even the act of typing it has been useful.

I might come back to this again, when I'm not late for work.


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## imfree (Mar 26, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Well, if we all had a manual for life, wouldn't it all be boring? LOL What a great outlook though, to take it as a learning experience. BRAVO!
> 
> Thanks, my mom is great!


 Life would still not be boring if we all had manuals, people like me 
would still keep things interesting because we don't follow instructions. GOD knows we suffer the consequences, too.


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## jamie (Mar 26, 2007)

External things:

I am extremely claustriphobic...to the point of massive anxiety attacks. I hate being in a crowded space or strangers pressing against me and especially that point when the crowd becomes a kind of pulsating throng, it is making me want to cry and puke just thinking about it. When watching nature programs and they go caving, I have to turn it off when it gets to the "squeeze through" points because I can't breathe. Seeing mechanics under cars does the same thing to me.

Heights make me want to pee on myself and faint..it could get messy.

Petrified of rodents...mice and rats ...shivers..can't stand to see them on t.v. or in books...the recent spate of exposes on rats in the restaurants in NYC has been torture.

I had one of those "somebody should have died-holding up the interstate for hours" wrecks a few years ago, I guess it is almost 4 years now..and I am still afraid to drive. When I am driving I can't be touched, chatted with or do anything that causes me to take my eyes off of the road. I just keep thinking that I could have killed to sweet little old people and drive in mortal fear of repeating the incident.

Internal fear:
I lose everyone. Everyone who has been in my life it seems has gone away somehow. Even when everything is perfect and secure, I lose them. I feel the trend is starting to dissipate, but the past still colors all of my present. That fear keeps me from letting the other shoe drop or letting go completely in the moment. I always hold back just a little so that I won't free fall off the edge when they are gone.


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## bigsexy920 (Mar 26, 2007)

Dying at home alone and no one finds me till days later. 

Love- Being in it again, never being in it, having someone love me, having someone not love me.


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## mottiemushroom (Mar 26, 2007)

On a level that doesn't affect my everyday life, my biggest fear is crocs & gators ... but in rural lincs, UK i don't have to worry too much about them  

But on a deeper level my deeper fears concern trusting others & them letting me down. This comes from finding out (by being nosey) aged 17 that i was adopted & feeling that i had not only lived a lie but had lied to all my friends about who i was. The years since then have been a quest to find out more - only to be met with further lies & contradictions about it all. 

I tend to be wary of people at first & slowly let them into my life until i trust them - but once i trust them i trust implicitly. Over latter years i've learned not to worry about them abusing my trust/ me trusting wrongly... but instead, trust that i will cope if/when that becomes apparent. It may still hurt, but it will pass & i will move on eventually.


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## Regular Bill (Mar 26, 2007)

mottiemushroom said:


> On a level that doesn't affect my everyday life, my biggest fear is crocs & gators ... but in rural lincs, UK i don't have to worry too much about them
> 
> But on a deeper level my deeper fears concern trusting others & them letting me down. This comes from finding out (by being nosey) aged 17 that i was adopted & feeling that i had not only lived a lie but had lied to all my friends about who i was. The years since then have been a quest to find out more - only to be met with further lies & contradictions about it all.
> 
> I tend to be wary of people at first & slowly let them into my life until i trust them - but once i trust them i trust implicitly. Over latter years i've learned not to worry about them abusing my trust/ me trusting wrongly... but instead, trust that i will cope if/when that becomes apparent. It may still hurt, but it will pass & i will move on eventually.



I deal with trust issues too. As you may have read in earlier post's I have had to deal with a lot of medical crap at an early age. This lead me to not trust anyone so I wouldn't get hurt mentally. Now that I want to live my life I find it hard to break my patterns. But I realize I can with some work move beyond these problems because like you said pain does pass and we move on.


Bill


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## James (Mar 26, 2007)

erm... tough question...

1. A recurrance of cancer in my mum... or for my sister to develop it.
2. Missing a chance to be with ms right... (if a ms right came along...)
3. Being a dad someday (which I know would be one of the greatest things ever... but also one of the scariest!)
4. Losing my most valued friends 
5. My house being reposessed or burnt to the ground or a plane crash into it... etc etc. (not gonna happen...... I hope!)


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## Fuzzy (Mar 26, 2007)

People are losing loved ones everyday, and for the most part those events happen and go by like the passing wind until it happens to you. 

And it feels like the worst thing ever.

And then the most amazing thing happens, all the ones who have also lost, appear and become your best friends.  Just sayin'


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## cactopus (Mar 26, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> ....
> I think my innate fears, like my "collapsaphobia", rarely keep me from doing things that I'd want to do, but every once in a while I do see an example. For instance, this week THIS THING was all over the news. Just watching the news coverage made my bladder twitch, .



It was blessed by a Native American guy named Bender...

I'm just thinking he was like crazy white man pay many dollars to do stupid things.


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## cactopus (Mar 26, 2007)

I think:

1. Dying from a gun wound or being hit by a bullet/shot
2. Heart disease
3. Lightning (being outside in it and unprotected)


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## kathynoon (Mar 28, 2007)

bigsexy920 said:


> Love- Being in it again, never being in it, having someone love me, having someone not love me.




I understand that totally. Everything about love is unnerving and scary to me.


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