# New poster. Please help.



## SCC (Oct 30, 2011)

Hello.I am a new poster on this site, but I have been an FA and lurker on this site for many years. I am a little nervous about posting, and I hope this thread is an appropriate one for this forum. However, I have a little bit of a problem, and I don't know who else to turn to for advice.

As I said, I have been an FA for years now, but that interest used to be a lot more broad than it is now(attraction to slightly "chubby" to VERY fat women), but has recently become more specific with time (attraction to fat to extremely fat women). This has been a bit of a problem lately because my wife, who I have been in a relationship with for about foor years now, is "chubby". When we started dating, this was not a problem, but around the time we got married, I started becoming less-and-less attracted to women who where only slightly overweight(by medical standards) and more attracted to women closer to the very fat side of the scale. This has caused problems between my wife and I as far as raw physical attraction goes, although I do not find her UNattractive. My wife knows about my FA status, but does not know how strong my attraction for big women is. I have not told her, because I do not want to make her feel inadequate or unloved. Especially since she has made it clear she does not want to gain weight, I respect this decision(it is her body after all) and have not tried to push that on her in any way.

Unfortunately, my stronger FA feelings have not gone away. To be clear, I love my wife. I will never cheat on her or leave her for anything. But this situation has been causing me a lot of anxiety as of late. Does anyone have a similar experience? If so, how do they recommend that I cope/deal with this situation. I don't want it to become anymore of a problem than it already is in my relationship with my wife.


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## Fat Brian (Oct 30, 2011)

Since you are in a serious relationship the first advice I would give you is to quit feeding your attraction to very large women. The more you are on here looking at SSBBW porn the more your desire for very large women will grow. One reason that FAs and FFAs say that their attraction tends to move toward more extreme places is that they begin to seek out more extreme images to excite themselves. Once you cut off the very big stuff you need to really get back in touch with the things that attract you to your wife. We tend to get caught up in what is available online and forget what we have at home. Since she says that she isn't going to gain you have to take her at her word and appreciate her as she is now.


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## SCC (Oct 31, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> Since you are in a serious relationship the first advice I would give you is to quit feeding your attraction to very large women. The more you are on here looking at SSBBW porn the more your desire for very large women will grow. One reason that FAs and FFAs say that their attraction tends to move toward more extreme places is that they begin to seek out more extreme images to excite themselves. Once you cut off the very big stuff you need to really get back in touch with the things that attract you to your wife. We tend to get caught up in what is available online and forget what we have at home. Since she says that she isn't going to gain you have to take her at her word and appreciate her as she is now.



Thank you, that makes a lot of sense. Obvious really, which makes me wonder why I didn't just stop going to this site (or others like it) in the first place. Anyway, I actually don't come to this site often, and when I do, it is not for porn(that would be cheating in my mind) but to hear from other people who share some of my problems and/or "socially misaligned" tendencies. More of a community thing, really. Of course, that may still have been enough to fuel the kind of attraction you are talking about though, especially since it is hard to avoid accidentally viewing the pictures of large women that are all over this site. So yes, in my specific case, coming to this site may not have been a good idea after I got started in a serious relationship. So, I think it may be best for me to discontinue my membership on this site. I am already making the effort to remind myself of the things that I find attractive in my spouse. Not that this is hard, she does little things I love all the time throughout the day. Thank you again for your advice.


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## Fat Brian (Oct 31, 2011)

I wouldn't call FAness being "socially misaligned", it's just not helpful to pursue it to an extreme in your case due to your commitment to your wife. You are still free to enjoy all of the benefits of appreciating the full female form to the extent that your relationship allows. Its something we all have to do at some point in our relationships. My wife recently lost about forty pounds, twenty have returned and we are currently in negotiations to see if she will allow the other twenty to join us once again. Its a balance thing.


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## wrench13 (Nov 2, 2011)

SCC said:


> Hello.I am a new poster on this site, but I have been an FA and lurker on this site for many years. I am a little nervous about posting, and I hope this thread is an appropriate one for this forum. However, I have a little bit of a problem, and I don't know who else to turn to for advice.
> 
> As I said, I have been an FA for years now, but that interest used to be a lot more broad than it is now(attraction to slightly "chubby" to VERY fat women), but has recently become more specific with time (attraction to fat to extremely fat women). This has been a bit of a problem lately because my wife, who I have been in a relationship with for about foor years now, is "chubby". When we started dating, this was not a problem, but around the time we got married, I started becoming less-and-less attracted to women who where only slightly overweight(by medical standards) and more attracted to women closer to the very fat side of the scale. This has caused problems between my wife and I as far as raw physical attraction goes, although I do not find her UNattractive. My wife knows about my FA status, but does not know how strong my attraction for big women is. I have not told her, because I do not want to make her feel inadequate or unloved. Especially since she has made it clear she does not want to gain weight, I respect this decision(it is her body after all) and have not tried to push that on her in any way.
> 
> Unfortunately, my stronger FA feelings have not gone away. To be clear, I love my wife. I will never cheat on her or leave her for anything. But this situation has been causing me a lot of anxiety as of late. Does anyone have a similar experience? If so, how do they recommend that I cope/deal with this situation. I don't want it to become anymore of a problem than it already is in my relationship with my wife.



Try only checking out sexy pics of REALLY thin women, exclusively. Only that. By comparison your 'chubby' wife will seem like a fleshy playground. 
Sounds sexist and stupid but it will help.


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## KHayes666 (Nov 2, 2011)

SCC said:


> Hello.I am a new poster on this site, but I have been an FA and lurker on this site for many years. I am a little nervous about posting, and I hope this thread is an appropriate one for this forum. However, I have a little bit of a problem, and I don't know who else to turn to for advice.
> 
> As I said, I have been an FA for years now, but that interest used to be a lot more broad than it is now(attraction to slightly "chubby" to VERY fat women), but has recently become more specific with time (attraction to fat to extremely fat women). This has been a bit of a problem lately because my wife, who I have been in a relationship with for about foor years now, is "chubby". When we started dating, this was not a problem, but around the time we got married, I started becoming less-and-less attracted to women who where only slightly overweight(by medical standards) and more attracted to women closer to the very fat side of the scale. This has caused problems between my wife and I as far as raw physical attraction goes, although I do not find her UNattractive. My wife knows about my FA status, but does not know how strong my attraction for big women is. I have not told her, because I do not want to make her feel inadequate or unloved. Especially since she has made it clear she does not want to gain weight, I respect this decision(it is her body after all) and have not tried to push that on her in any way.
> 
> Unfortunately, my stronger FA feelings have not gone away. To be clear, I love my wife. I will never cheat on her or leave her for anything. But this situation has been causing me a lot of anxiety as of late. Does anyone have a similar experience? If so, how do they recommend that I cope/deal with this situation. I don't want it to become anymore of a problem than it already is in my relationship with my wife.



Your feelings will never go away. They'll be apart of you the rest of your life, I would know.

The best you can do is learn how to control them.


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## Tad (Nov 2, 2011)

KHayes666 said:


> Your feelings will never go away. They'll be apart of you the rest of your life, I would know.
> 
> The best you can do is learn how to control them.



Pretty much this ^^^^^

Also, part of managing them is figuring out what things about your wife turn you on the most, and working with those (i.e. don't focus on the fat she doesn't have, rather focus on kissing her, or her breasts, or that roll on her belly, or her smile, or whatever things do push your buttons).

Also note that many couples, after a while together, lose some of that early "can't get enough of each other" sexual appetite, and things drop down to a low simmer from a full boil. That is pretty normal.


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## rootrp35 (Nov 2, 2011)

SCC said:


> Hello.I am a new poster on this site, but I have been an FA and lurker on this site for many years. I am a little nervous about posting, and I hope this thread is an appropriate one for this forum. However, I have a little bit of a problem, and I don't know who else to turn to for advice.
> 
> As I said, I have been an FA for years now, but that interest used to be a lot more broad than it is now(attraction to slightly "chubby" to VERY fat women), but has recently become more specific with time (attraction to fat to extremely fat women). This has been a bit of a problem lately because my wife, who I have been in a relationship with for about foor years now, is "chubby". When we started dating, this was not a problem, but around the time we got married, I started becoming less-and-less attracted to women who where only slightly overweight(by medical standards) and more attracted to women closer to the very fat side of the scale. This has caused problems between my wife and I as far as raw physical attraction goes, although I do not find her UNattractive. My wife knows about my FA status, but does not know how strong my attraction for big women is. I have not told her, because I do not want to make her feel inadequate or unloved. Especially since she has made it clear she does not want to gain weight, I respect this decision(it is her body after all) and have not tried to push that on her in any way.
> 
> Unfortunately, my stronger FA feelings have not gone away. To be clear, I love my wife. I will never cheat on her or leave her for anything. But this situation has been causing me a lot of anxiety as of late. Does anyone have a similar experience? If so, how do they recommend that I cope/deal with this situation. I don't want it to become anymore of a problem than it already is in my relationship with my wife.



I know exactly what you mean by your preferences changing, I wrote about it in another thread also. Over the years I have found myself more attracted to larger women rather than just chubby ones. I believe it partially has to do with this site and my wife gaining. Luckily she decided to join the larger crowd for a few reasons, personal desires, the people she is around, and of course I didn't complain about it. She's now around 320, but if she hadn't wanted to gain, I would have definitely tried to adjust how I felt to try and fix the situation.


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## SCC (Nov 3, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> I wouldn't call FAness being "socially misaligned", it's just not helpful to pursue it to an extreme in your case due to your commitment to your wife. You are still free to enjoy all of the benefits of appreciating the full female form to the extent that your relationship allows. Its something we all have to do at some point in our relationships. My wife recently lost about forty pounds, twenty have returned and we are currently in negotiations to see if she will allow the other twenty to join us once again. Its a balance thing.



Yes, well all I meant was that society tends to look down on people who enjoy the sight of a fuller framed woman. Perhaps "socially misaligned" was too strong of a description. Anyway, I appreciate your advice, as well as the advice of the other posters in this forum. I will definitively try to keep my relationship with my spouse more balanced from now on...which is why I will no longer be posting on this site. I hope no one takes offense to this, since everyone here has been supportive and helpful, but it is just something I feel I need to do in order to keep my focus on my real life relationship with my wife, instead of on fantasy. Thank you all for your helpful advice. Signing off.

SCC


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## Dolce (Nov 10, 2011)

Maybe the fat is a metaphor for something you feel is missing in the relationship. What do fat women represent to you? And are those needs being fulfilled between you and your wife?

I remember reading a case study where a man had become obsessed with huge breasts and felt it was interfering with the relationship he had with his wife. It turns out that she had recently gone from being a stay at home mom and housewife to working full time. He was feeling less than nurtured and was unable to express that to his wife. The huge breast porn was fufilling those needs as the breasts represented being nurtured, comforted, and mothered. Once he was able to communicate his needs to her intimacy was restablished and he again became satisfied with his wife's breasts. The breast preoccupation did not go away but instead his wife was more able to fufill the need for sexual and emotional intimacy. 

I am sure you are aware that many men have difficulty articulating their feelings. Many times these sexual obsessions that inhibit intimacy can be a way for those unmet emotional needs to be expressed and fufilled without words. I'm not saying that fat represents the aforementioned scenario but you might think to yourself what it does represent? If you can't help yourself maybe find someone you can talk to who can help you. It sounds like this is causing you a lot of anxiety and I doubt the deeper issue is the fat or weight gain. Best of luck to you.


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## orangecrush (Dec 9, 2011)

Have the same story. My wife was 230lbs when we got married. A year later I started looking at ssbbw's. My wife doesnt get the attraction either and thinks I am weird. I did come clean and told her I was attracted to bigger women. It's been a taboo topic in our relationship. I think when you get married you get a feeling of security and validation of someone who wants you. This sense of security makes you feel that others will find you attracted as well. This is not always the case in reality. Just because you see an attractive ssbbw in public, you really dont know her situation, is she single? Would she even talk to you? I go through the same feelings everytime I see an attractive ssbbw. Its difficult because you want to go meet her. Not sure I answered anything but can understand the feelings


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## KHayes666 (Dec 10, 2011)

orangecrush said:


> Have the same story. My wife was 230lbs when we got married. A year later I started looking at ssbbw's. My wife doesnt get the attraction either and thinks I am weird. I did come clean and told her I was attracted to bigger women. It's been a taboo topic in our relationship. I think when you get married you get a feeling of security and validation of someone who wants you. This sense of security makes you feel that others will find you attracted as well. This is not always the case in reality. Just because you see an attractive ssbbw in public, you really dont know her situation, is she single? Would she even talk to you? I go through the same feelings everytime I see an attractive ssbbw. Its difficult because you want to go meet her. Not sure I answered anything but can understand the feelings



Again, you can't ignore your feelings. My fiancee gets miffed when she catches me gawking at a very round butt going by, but she understands that the only one who matters to me is her. 

Learn to control yourself and you'll feel a lot better.


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## mediaboy (Dec 15, 2011)

Listen to some romantic music, take her dancing, maybe a few drinks.

Fall in love with her again. You've got to - it won't be the last time either.

Focus on what you have & really think about it until you appreciate her.

Then slip it in.

Have flowers delivered to her place of business the following morning, make a semi public display of it if you can so the other women she works with will know that she is desired by you.

Personally, I think you got off lucky. Its not like your penultimate fantasy is to fuck an immobile ssbbw on the back of a tyrannosaurus sized unicorn.

I mean unless it is.

In either case; good luck.


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