# What are the nicest and most hurtful things ever said about your size/weight?



## TCUBOB (Apr 26, 2007)

So maybe this has been done before and maybe this isn't the right board for this thread, but if it isn't, I'm sure someone will move it....

So I'll start with a brief background story/thought....

Over the past year, I've gone from from around 375 to about 290. I don't have a goal in mind, but I just made some changes in my life that led to me losing weight that I had put on when I was stressed and unhappy. But's that's a long story and a different board.

But as I lost weigh, I was bombarded with comments along the lines of "How much weight have you lost?" "How are you losing weight?" "What's your secret?" "You've lost a lot of weight, you look great" and all sorts of things in a similar vein. And so I got to thinking: Outside of this environment (and our community), when was the last time that someone said something complimentary about you GAINING weight? Or even being large? Or fat? (Pregnancy doesn't count, ladies)

So I further wondered: What is the nicest and the most hurtful (meanest) thing someone has ever said about your size/weight?

For me, I think that the nicest thing anyone ever said about my size or weight was a girl I dated for a while. She said that I had a sexy jiggly belly. Other than that, compliments tended to the backhanded, such as "Well, you don't LOOK 375" or "You carry it well (I'm 6' 6".....I carry just about EVERYTHING well!)"

As for the most hurtful thing anyone ever said about my size or weight, I had to think about that for a while. I mean, many of us have been the victims of schoolyard taunts (fatty, wide load, lard ass and a host of others) and subject to behind the back (and sometimes open) mocking, pointing and snickering. And many of us have had negative experiences with medical professionals who have brough a less than caring attitude to the table, ignoring their professional responsibilty to "First do no harm" (at least in my opinion)....

But honestly, the most hurtful things were said to me by those closest to me: my parents and my sister, who would try and push me into losing weight. They'd say things like "Do you want to be this fat your whole life?" "What are you going to do if you're this fat when you're older?" "We don't want to have to take care of you because you're not able to take care of yourself" and the like. Yet when I tried to point out to them that those things, rather than being encouraging, were hurtful and mean, they never seemed to understand that, because they were always "doing it for my own good" and "didn't mean to mean" as if that somehow made it ok to cast my feelings on the matter aside.


Feel free to fire back,

Bob


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## Daknee (Apr 26, 2007)

Someone I hadn't seen in a few years commented immediatley. "What happened to you? You use to be so good looking." I had but on about 25 pounds since I had last seen them. The funny thing is I don't really feel they were truly meaning to be hurtful.


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## Zandoz (Apr 26, 2007)

Nicest? Nothing that stands out.

Hurtful? Probably the time when I was probably 150lbs lighter than I am now, and I was out for a walk. A mother came to her front door and screamed at her kids who were playing near the street to get on their front porch, pointing at me and saying "I've told you to keep away from people like that!".

The runner up, when I was about 100lbs lighter, was the time I went to pick up my daughter and her friend at a near by beach. I was wearing typical summer attire...shorts and T or muscle shirt. The beach was parallel to the road and had a brick wall between it and the road, with a gateway to a pedistrian crossing to the parking across the street. Since there was no way for the girls to see me, I had to park and go over to the beach to look for them. As soon as I went through the gateway out onto the beach, there was a group of mid to late 20-somethings. One woman immediatly says in a loud voice "If he takes his shirt off, I'm leaving". This was followed by general affirmation by the group. Finished off by a "I'll be right behind you after I barf" comment, and a round of laughter from the group.


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## Ruby Ripples (Apr 26, 2007)

I've been paid more compliments in my couple of years online than in the rest of my life, a hundred times over. People have said such lovely sweet things to me that I've been speechless and choked with tears at times. I think perhaps the one that really stopped me in my tracks was when I was nervously meeting a man for a date a couple of years ago, and when he saw me he smiled from ear to ear and said "wow!". Now how could I NOT love that!!  

It's not fun to think of the hurtful things that people have said, but I think I have been "lucky" in that its always been family that were rude to me, never friends or strangers. I was regularly called "gross" "disgusting" "whale" "blubber" etc etc by one sister in particular from about the age of 12 til 21 when I left home. I should add here that within this time frame I was never any more than 140lbs (I'm 5' 3") ... The worst... or probably I should say worst *sounding* one (because by this time it didnt hurt me any more, just made me realise what an utter cow my sister was), happened about four years ago. I was chatting with her neighbour who had popped in to the barbeque we were having. He is a farmer and was telling a funny story about his pigs. My sister spoke right over the top of him, shouting that she always thought pigs were small animals, about the height of a coffee table (yes.. really..) until she visited a petting zoo with her young son. She said that when she looked into the pig sty " oh my God!!! It was disgusting, I was in shock. I mean, you're BIG (sneering at me and slowly looking me up and down), but this THING was even bigger". 

Can't choose our families unfortunately lol.


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## TCUBOB (Apr 26, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> I've been paid more compliments in my couple of years online than in the rest of my life, a hundred times over. People have said such lovely sweet things to me that I've been speechless and choked with tears at times. I think perhaps the one that really stopped me in my tracks was when I was nervously meeting a man for a date a couple of years ago, and when he saw me he smiled from ear to ear and said "wow!". Now how could I NOT love that!!
> 
> It's not fun to think of the hurtful things that people have said, but I think I have been "lucky" in that its always been family that were rude to me, never friends or strangers. I was regularly called "gross" "disgusting" "whale" "blubber" etc etc by one sister in particular from about the age of 12 til 21 when I left home. I should add here that within this time frame I was never any more than 140lbs (I'm 5' 3") ... The worst... or probably I should say worst *sounding* one (because by this time it didnt hurt me any more, just made me realise what an utter cow my sister was), happened about four years ago. I was chatting with her neighbour who had popped in to the barbeque we were having. He is a farmer and was telling a funny story about his pigs. My sister spoke right over the top of him, shouting that she always thought pigs were small animals, about the height of a coffee table (yes.. really..) until she visited a petting zoo with her young son. She said that when she looked into the pig sty " oh my God!!! It was disgusting, I was in shock. I mean, you're BIG (sneering at me and slowly looking me up and down), but this THING was even bigger".
> 
> Can't choose our families unfortunately lol.




Yeah, sure can't but wow.....how do you keep from telling her to stick it where the sun don't shine? I mean, that might be the NICEST thing I would say to someone who was like that to me.....


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## chickadee (Apr 26, 2007)

I put on some weight (20 lbs or so, bringing me to around 200) and a doc told me that I looked healthy and beautiful. 

The funniest: 
Once I was out running and some kids started chanting that I looked like a cow and a pig. I told them I would come beat them up and they ran away.

The worst:
Family members who do heart-to-heart talks with you and ask you if you care at all about your appearance, if you are aware you will be treated badly if you stay overweight, if you are aware you will never find someone to love you if you look so fat and disgusting. When you try to argue with the logic, they just shake their heads like you are delusional.


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## ciaobella (Apr 26, 2007)

Hmmm good question.

For me the nicest thing was probably when my father had a heart to heart with me when I was 15 and told me to always remember that no matter what anyone said I was beautiful inside _and_ out. I was already 260 by then so he had to have known high schoool was brutal on my self-esteem. He died unexpectedly a few months later and I thank god every day for that moment in my life. Without it I may have become a much different woman. I wish every parent would take the time to tell their child that; they'll need it later in life.

Most awful thing anyone said to me was when I was 18, 325 pounds. My aunt declared in front of other family members that she didn't think my cousin (who is also a big girl) nor I would ever marry. Implying quite obviously that no man wanted us because we were fat. Jokes on her because sure enough I'm getting married this December and my cousin is engaged and getting married in June 2009. You should have seen the look on her face when she finally congratulated me and my fiancé. A bit more and I think she would have asked him if he was sure!


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## Suze (Apr 26, 2007)

From my mom: 
I would probably love you more if you where thinner.

(She was very sick at that point. She had anorexia. I know it is a bit of a paradox, but her illness was one of the main reasons that got me fat. I was brought up by diet product from early childhood, even if I wasn’t fat to begin with. 
I would hide food from her because I got so hungry at times. She wasn’t really starving me or anything, but it was pretty bad.) 

The nicest thing? I don't know if this classifies as nice but: You have such a beautiful face, why ruin it by being fat?
It’s a classic.

Since I lost a bunch of weight I have got plenty of compliments...but it's kind of bittersweet to me. Did I really look that hideous? :huh:


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 26, 2007)

Great question....

Um the most hurtful? 

I was at my 20-year class reunion five years ago, and was standing there towards the end of the evening with a guy that I always had a crush on in high school and he's being all sweet and cuddly trying to get me to go out with the crowd to the after party. I was hesitant because I just didn't feel well and my feel were killing me. Well, another guy who was going along stopped by us and asked if we were going. My guy friend said (about me) "she says she doesn't want to go" and the other guy says "throw her over your shoulder and lets get going".... my guy friend says to the other guy "shit, I doubt I could lift this much weight!" ..... and laughs.... 

I was mortified. I gave him a look of daggers, peeled his arms from around my waist and walked away. I couldn't even say anything. I went home and cried my eyes out. 



The nicest?

A guy I met thru Dims approached me and we've been talking a lot lately. I asked why he approached me, what it was about me. His answer: "Combine an absolutely gorgeous body, wit and intelligence and add stellar eyes.... I was hooked." :wubu: :kiss2: *swooning*

A close second?

Another guy told me I could make a gunny sack look good. :wubu: :batting: 

The significance of that comment.... that's what *I* say about a woman that *I* think is drop-dead gorgeous. 



Life is good.....


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## BitsyAintMyName (Apr 26, 2007)

Nicest: when my Dad told me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being big and that I was really very beautiful.  I looked at myself differently after that day.

Meanest: when I was in Jr. High I loved to wear purple alot(its my fav color) and the boys used to call me Barney all the time. I came home and cried like every day. *lol* I was really akward at that age. I was taller than most of my classmates(sadly that didn't last) and while I wasn't nearly as big as I am now I was certainly much bigger than them.


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## jamie (Apr 27, 2007)

Nicest: "you are my favorite hug, all comfort and warmth." And from a guy I met in an elevator once after he had asked if I had a boyfriend and I had told him yes, "damn, now you are a girl I wouldn't mind taking my time to discover..even though it would have to take a long time."  

Not Nicest: A guy I was dating decided to date his ex-wife behind my back and told her that I was "Richard Simmons' fat." I don't know why I think that was the meanest, but there was something so objectifying and judgmental in it that it hurt a lot. I think looks can be harder than words sometimes. 

Funniest: One of my best friends is a wild child and his son is a little hellian in training. One day he came up behind me and swatted me on the bottom. (He was 4 or 5 I don't remember.) I kinda jumped and he asked loudly if I kept all my pee back there, and then added, "whew, I bet you gotta go bad!"


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 27, 2007)

Other than my ex-husband and ex-bf being very complimentary about my bum,
I have to say that the nicest things ever said to me about my weight came from the Dims guys 


I'm choosing not to remember the not-so-nice things people have said but the most hurtful were assumptions made about me due to my weight- things that just aren't true.

Oh, I do remember one guy telling me that "You're kind of flabby" but I didn't take it to heart because he said it immediately after I told him I could never consider dating him when he kept hounding me on the subject.


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## TallFatSue (Apr 27, 2007)

Here's a story that bears repeating. A few years ago Art & I spent a week at a resort in Acapulco. As a big tall obese middle-aged woman, I get lotsa stares, but usually the attention turns out well, because I smile a lot. However one day I ticked off a bevy of skinny little bambis half my age because I inadvertently stole their limelight. I was laughing and just being my usual friendly wise ass on the beach and in the pools at our resort that some men were buying me drinks at the swim-up bar and ignoring the bambis. Finally one of the bambis groused that it must be whale season down here. So I replied, "I see you're practising birth control -- with your personality." Art and most of the people at the swim-up bar thought it was hilarious. It's all part of being his "trophy wife", ya know. 

As to the nicest things people say about my size -- well, at family reunions all the little kiddos love to sit on their big fat Aunt Sue's lap because "she's so big and soft." And Aunt Sue's hugs are a much sought-after treat too. 

(PS. Forgot to mention, the kiddos love it when Aunt Sue gets the hiccups too, because then they can sit in my lap and get a thrill ride.  )


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## Dr. Feelgood (Apr 27, 2007)

He called you flabby and then _asked for a date_?? Scratch one entry in the Tarheel Savoir Faire Competition!


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## Jes (Apr 27, 2007)

it's strange...i'm reading all of this, and appreciating it, and I still don't want to share the meanest thing b/c it hurts too much and i don't actually think i have a nicest thing. If people have liked something about my fat/size/shape, they haven't said it--not directly. Not in a way that I could say: he/she thinks my body is [fill in the blank]. 
In terms of being here at Dims, I've generally just heard how small I am. which isn't exactly the answer that's required here, either. haha. I'm getting close to 300 lbs...and I'm pretty short. 
So. 
i guess that's my piss-poor answer.


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## Ample Pie (Apr 27, 2007)

The nicest thing: my best friend, Will, when I first met him said, "you are sooo round and succulent..." and then preceded to drool heartily .

The funniest: the other day, my nephew said, "Aunt Becky." I said, "Yes?" He said, "You've had a LOT of birthdays and you've eaten a LOT." I asked, "Are you trying to tell me I'm old and fat?" He said, "Yes" and gave me a huge beautiful smile. Cracked me up.

2nd funniest: In school, I was made fun of A TON (p.i.). It was horrible and very crushing, but at a certain point it just got really boring. One day these guys in my health class were making fun of me and my weight and I just looked at them and said, "holy shit, I'm fat? Dear god I never noticed. Thanks for bringing it to my attention." Then I rolled my eyes and said, "If you're going to say something, why not say something original, you two are just morons dragging out the same old lame insults." So, Kenny looked at me and said, "You're an ice cream truck. With extra toppings." I'd never heard any such thing and burst out laughing.

Worst: all of 4th grade, I can't even tell you how bad it was, but there are certain words that still make me cry whether applied to fatness or not.


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## butch (Apr 28, 2007)

Jes said:


> it's strange...i'm reading all of this, and appreciating it, and I still don't want to share the meanest thing b/c it hurts too much and i don't actually think i have a nicest thing. If people have liked something about my fat/size/shape, they haven't said it--not directly. Not in a way that I could say: he/she thinks my body is [fill in the blank].
> In terms of being here at Dims, I've generally just heard how small I am. which isn't exactly the answer that's required here, either. haha. I'm getting close to 300 lbs...and I'm pretty short.
> So.
> i guess that's my piss-poor answer.



Well, Jes, I'm larger than you and no one, at Dims or otherwise, has said anything nice about my size. 

And, honestly, I can't even think of a worst thing said to me. Probably the family member who told me, when I was a kid, that I would get a stoke soon and die because I was fat.

It actually hurts to realize that the only nice things people have ever said about my body are about things that aren't affected at all by fat-my smile, my hair, my eyes. So, even if they aren't saying "You have such a pretty face, if only you lost weight," the fact that no one finds anything below my mouth aesthetically pleasing is a huge ego crusher. But, c'est la vie, I like the rest of me, and that will have to be my comfort.


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## tinkerbell (Apr 28, 2007)

hmm, the nicest? I cant really think of anything. I mean my boyfriend has said that he finds me very sexy... so I guess that kind of counts. And I've had a few nice comments from people here, but have also been told that I'm "too small to be here". 

Most hurtful? Have about an hour? I could probably come up with quite a few from my awful sisters, and from people growing up. And 2 from my boyfriend that he said to me while we were fighting (which were hurtful, but he has apologized for)

There are a couple that stick out though, from my child hood. One was, I had lived with my dad for a year (I was 13), and came back home in the summer. My older sister had a new boyfriend, and we were at a friends house when he came over, and we were walking...and my sister and him were a few steps behind my friends and I, and he said something like "Thats your sister?! I cant believe you two are related!!". This same guy was in my grade at school, and then a year later (my sister and him were no longer dating I think) and him and his friends were standing outside the library and he said something about my underwear being so big that they could all fit into it. I also remember one that came courtesy from a friends mother, through her youngest child. My sisters, our two friends and I, were pretty mean to our friends youngest sister. We hated having her hang around us, and were just mean to her. Their mom told her to say something mean to ME about my weight, that I was a "hungry hungry hippo" (that board game was popular then ). Another one came from a friend of a friend, the three of us were riding bikes, and we were talking about them not having boobs, and I of course had a size C cup boobs at age 15. I said something (and I was kidding) like they weren't women like me...and her friend said that "no they just weren't fat like me" (both were so naturally skinny)

My sisters were worse, though. It was almost a daily thing of them telling me how fat and ugly I was, I remember my sister saying I was so fat that I couldn't fit through the door. LOL that one is kind of funny now, but of course it wasn't then. It didn't matter what we were fighting about, they would just always bring up my weight, and that I was ugly - that I'd never find anyone who thought I was attractive. We're ok to each other now, but I'm not too close with my sisters at all. 

I remember more of the comments about how ugly I was. I think more people would tell me I was ugly then I was fat. This boy (who was another ex boyfriend of my sister's) came up to me as I was leaving lunch in 8th grade, just to say "You are so ugly!!!". 

I could pull out my diary from jr high, but then, this post would be pages long. 

Its just amazing that I can remember some of those things - and how clear of a memory they are.


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## Butterbelly (Apr 28, 2007)

Ruby Ripples said:


> I've been paid more compliments in my couple of years online than in the rest of my life, a hundred times over. People have said such lovely sweet things to me that I've been speechless and choked with tears at times. I think perhaps the one that really stopped me in my tracks was when I was nervously meeting a man for a date a couple of years ago, and when he saw me he smiled from ear to ear and said "wow!". Now how could I NOT love that!!



I couldn't agree more, Ruby. Until about three years ago, I had no idea there were men (or women) who were actually attracted to and preferred being with a larger woman. I'd heard so many negative comments from people in person, that to hear lovely compliments from people online totally astounded me, and left me speechless and crying. I had a similiar experience when I met my first FA and his reaction to me shocked me when he said "wow, you're far more beautiful in person than your pictures show." I think it was the first true compliment I had received from someone about my size in person. 

The nicest thing that someone has ever said to me about my size was: "Your body is a masterpiece."

There are two mean things that have been said to me, and still bother me to this day. The first came from my grandmother: "you better do something about your weight because men don't like fat women. if you don't lose the weight you'll never find someone to love you." 

The second mean statement came from a classmate in HS, as we were exchanging Christmas gifts: "wow, the only way fat people can make friends is to buy them."


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## BothGunsBlazing (Apr 28, 2007)

Hmm, this thread is .. depressing. I mean, it's nice to see the compliments, but ugh, I can only imagine how hurtful the insults were. Especially since most of them come from family .. people you can't just shut out of your life. 

I'm super glad people here are gettin' the respect they deserve now! ..Well, at least online n' stuff.  I hope.


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## Totmacher (Apr 28, 2007)

I was just thinking that nobody's ever really said anything bad about my weight. I think this thread really illustrates the double standard between men and women. The best (and worst) I've ever heard is variations on, " You carry it well."


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 28, 2007)

Family make comments because they think it's OK cause they're family. It's NEVER ok to be hurtful to someone, even if you're family. I have three brothers who were pretty brutal when I was in my early teens. Thank God they eventually realized that what they were saying, just wasn't cool.





BothGunsBlazing said:


> Hmm, this thread is .. depressing. I mean, it's nice to see the compliments, but ugh, I can only imagine how hurtful the insults were. *Especially since most of them come from family *.. people you can't just shut out of your life.
> 
> I'm super glad people here are gettin' the respect they deserve now! ..Well, at least online n' stuff.  I hope.


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## TCUBOB (Apr 28, 2007)

It's true, this thread is a little depressing, but it's cathartic in a way, I think. Or at least it has been for me. And I was surprised to see that so many others got the same cruelty from family, who you hope would at least love you for who you are. You expect cruelty from complete strangers.....you hope for acceptance from your friends and family.


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## Waxwing (Apr 28, 2007)

Jes said:


> it's strange...i'm reading all of this, and appreciating it, and I still don't want to share the meanest thing b/c it hurts too much and i don't actually think i have a nicest thing. If people have liked something about my fat/size/shape, they haven't said it--not directly. Not in a way that I could say: he/she thinks my body is [fill in the blank].
> In terms of being here at Dims, I've generally just heard how small I am. which isn't exactly the answer that's required here, either. haha. I'm getting close to 300 lbs...and I'm pretty short.
> So.
> i guess that's my piss-poor answer.



It's not piss-poor. I don't think that I could actually type out the meanest things from my fat days, nor would I want to. The nicest would be anemic comments like "you look nice", which made me cry because my self-esteem was so in the toilet.

It's making me happy to read people's nicest, though. It makes me feel like there's hope and that everyone isn't a giant jackass.


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## tonynyc (Apr 28, 2007)

Totmacher said:


> I was just thinking that nobody's ever really said anything bad about my weight. I think this thread really illustrates the double standard between men and women. The best (and worst) I've ever heard is variations on, " You carry it well."



It would be interesting to see what the experiences have been from BHM with regards to this. The worst comment I heard was that I had gotten 
"wider" at my 25 year high school reunion. I shrugged it off- didn't bother me one bit considering how the years have treated some of my other classmates.

Most of the times it's a "look" (especially in our packed subway trains); but, never a 'verbal' comment. It is a 'double standard' for sure.


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## Krissy12 (Apr 29, 2007)

This thread has me thinking about a comment my mother made to me yesterday when I told her I was asked out on a date for next weekend by someone I had met online. 

"He's seen pictures of you, right?" "Yes, he has" "Not just those face shots though? He's seen how heavy you are?"

Poor woman and her issues. She's gotten big in the last couple of years and she can't accept it at all, since she was always very thin.


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## TCUBOB (Apr 29, 2007)

Krissy12 said:


> This thread has me thinking about a comment my mother made to me yesterday when I told her I was asked out on a date for next weekend by someone I had met online.
> 
> "He's seen pictures of you, right?" "Yes, he has" "Not just those face shots though? He's seen how heavy you are?"
> 
> Poor woman and her issues. She's gotten big in the last couple of years and she can't accept it at all, since she was always very thin.



If you really wanted to send her world into a tizzy, tell him that you showed him some pictures of her so that he'd know what you'd look like in X number of years and he's STILL going out with you....that'd put a twist in her knickers, eh?


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## Waxwing (Apr 29, 2007)

Krissy12 said:


> This thread has me thinking about a comment my mother made to me yesterday when I told her I was asked out on a date for next weekend by someone I had met online.
> 
> "He's seen pictures of you, right?" "Yes, he has" "Not just those face shots though? He's seen how heavy you are?"
> 
> Poor woman and her issues. She's gotten big in the last couple of years and she can't accept it at all, since she was always very thin.



It's always the way, isn't it, that we end up being hurt because other people project their own body insecurities on us. Sigh. I'm sorry that she said this to you.


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## TCUBOB (Apr 29, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> It's always the way, isn't it, that we end up being hurt because other people project their own body insecurities on us. Sigh. I'm sorry that she said this to you.



My favorite is when you are out to eat with a skinny person who is deathly afraid of getting "fat" or even someone who is a little chubby but self loathing about it and you order a "normal" meal or even something decadent, like gravy cheese fries, and you get that "flash" from them....part jealousy, part fear, part disapproval.....one right after another. It's even better if they say something like, "Should you be eating that?" or "Is that really good for you" or something of the like.

Those are the times I just want to put them face first into the gravy fries. Which would probably cause them to freak out because as you know gravy can be absorbed through the skin and they might put on several ounces...ahh, dream a little dream....


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## Waxwing (Apr 29, 2007)

TCUBOB said:


> My favorite is when you are out to eat with a skinny person who is deathly afraid of getting "fat" or even someone who is a little chubby but self loathing about it and you order a "normal" meal or even something decadent, like gravy cheese fries, and you get that "flash" from them....part jealousy, part fear, part disapproval.....one right after another. It's even better if they say something like, "Should you be eating that?" or "Is that really good for you" or something of the like.


 
I've been that person, to some extent. I've never EVER commented on whether or not someone should eat a particular food, nor would I. I think that's horrendous. But if I'm with someone who orders what they *want* rather than what they think they *should* have, there's a little flash of jealousy and awe, because I can't imagine being that free with myself.


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## TCUBOB (Apr 29, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> I've been that person, to some extent. I've never EVER commented on whether or not someone should eat a particular food, nor would I. I think that's horrendous. But if I'm with someone who orders what they *want* rather than what they think they *should* have, there's a little flash of jealousy and awe, because I can't imagine being that free with myself.




I've been that person too, for the same reason. But I grew out of it several jean sizes ago.... 

You gotta be who you are, and you gotta be comfortable in your own skin. But it's still hard with the world against you, since of course being fat is evil, bad, a character flaw and ALL YOUR FAULT.


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## BeeBee (Apr 29, 2007)

I have suffered through some bad comments from family but the worst ones were when I was in high school... in one incident the history teacher, in front of the class commented on how I had the highest tests scores and lowest homework average in the class and asked "what do you do when you get home?" "He eats" commented a guy that I had known all through school. The class and teacher roared laughing. I wanted to hide under the desk at the moment but after school I found the guy that made the "He eats" comment and I am sure he could only eat soup for several days after that... these days everyone would file suit over an incident like that, lol.


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## pani (Apr 29, 2007)

Good for you BeeBee! I think that if more fat people stuck up for themselves, they would get alot less crap. Not that I am advocating physical violence. But lately I have been dishing emotional abuse right back. I have tried for year to be civil, thinking kindness and compassion would change things. Sadly, it doesn't always! Last summer I was at a festival and a woman was smoking. I didn't say one word to her, didn't ask her to leave, simply started fanning the smoke away. She said "Oh, knock it off in her best froggy drill sargent voice." I told her I was allergic to smoke, and I didn't say a word to her, fanning the smoke away was my business. She started whining about how I shouldn't leave the house then because cars smoke too and that overweight wasn't that good for my health either. I looked at this this pudgy old bat and said 1) have YOU looked in a mirror lately and 2) You know smoking probably makes you look 20 years older than you are. That completely wiped out the trump card look she had on her face when she brought up weight. She said "you are terrible" and left with ther tail between her legs. Was I mean! You betcha! Will she think twice before being a bully again! I think so! It is them or us. If I caused her to think twice before she makes even one more fat remark again, good! Don't dish it, if ya can't take it!!!!!!


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## pani (Apr 29, 2007)

Make that YEARS to be civil and compassionate (over 25 to be exact)


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## Zandoz (Apr 29, 2007)

tonynyc said:


> It would be interesting to see what the experiences have been from BHM with regards to this. The worst comment I heard was that I had gotten
> "wider" at my 25 year high school reunion. I shrugged it off- didn't bother me one bit considering how the years have treated some of my other classmates.
> 
> Most of the times it's a "look" (especially in our packed subway trains); but, never a 'verbal' comment. It is a 'double standard' for sure.



When out in public, "the look" is a given..verbal slams expected, but generally from the teens and 20-something set. I generally do not count the "wow, you're huge" kinda things from kids...I just give them a "Yup...I sure am". 

I never really had much of a problem in school...probably because through most of grade school I was not only the fattest, I was the biggest in general, and the one few wanted to mess with. By high school, I just wasn't around much to be teased...most of HS I worked days and went to school...didn't have time to hang around and socialize.

Addressing "Who has it worse in general, big guys or big women?" would just start a war.


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## Krissy12 (Apr 29, 2007)

TCUBOB said:


> If you really wanted to send her world into a tizzy, tell him that you showed him some pictures of her so that he'd know what you'd look like in X number of years and he's STILL going out with you....that'd put a twist in her knickers, eh?



My mother means well, she really does. And I've dealt with her weight issues for so many years now that it doesn't hurt me even in the slightest. I actually laugh when she says anything at all. 
I jab at her all the time when we go to a buffet and she eats three plates of food. As she's taking a bite of something I'll say, "Wow mom, that's gonna go right to your hips". We're just sarcastic with each other like that.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 29, 2007)

Krissy my mom does the same thing.... she means well, and really has no clue her comments can be hurtful. I am so used to it, I don't even hear them any more, or I just laugh and change the subject.



Krissy12 said:


> My mother means well, she really does. And I've dealt with her weight issues for so many years now that it doesn't hurt me even in the slightest. I actually laugh when she says anything at all.


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## supersoup (Apr 29, 2007)

i thought i'd share this here.

picture it...loads of people trying to set up a new department store...

at work today, i was given 14 temps to supervise...we were processing freight, like ticketing and hanging clothes, purses, housewares, etc. the one girl got a box of plus size stuff for the ladies department, they were pretty shimmery tank tops...she pulls out a 3x, and goes 'holy crap, lisa, you, me, and barb could all fit in here!!'. a few other comments followed, some about fat arms, etc etc and all i could do was smile. i waited for them to finish, turned around, and said 'you do know that fatties like looking sexy too, right? i'm a big girl, and i just bought loads of sleeveless stuff, and ya know what? if we went clubbing, i'd probably get just as many numbers as you ladies.' i turned back around, giggling to myself, and the one girl said, 'god i wish i was like you. you're right, big girls can rock the shit out of sexy clothes too.'

needless to say, all the temps i've had today have requested to have me be their supervisor tomorrow too.

 

and yes, i've had ridiculously cruel things said to me, but as part of my no more low self esteem lifestyle, i've wiped them all from memory.


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## TCUBOB (Apr 29, 2007)

Rock on, Tiny Dancer!



supersoup said:


> i thought i'd share this here.
> 
> picture it...loads of people trying to set up a new department store...
> 
> ...


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## Ruby Ripples (Apr 30, 2007)

supersoup said:


> i thought i'd share this here.
> 
> picture it...loads of people trying to set up a new department store...
> 
> ...



Great story wee Soupy, good on you!! About what you said (highlighted), I too freed myself from my "I must be hideous because people keep telling me I am" attitude, about five years ago after I had a blow-out with my mum, which in retrospect I should have done 20 yrs earlier lol. I just told the experience I did, not because it affected me badly (it didn't ... my sister had said so much for so long that I knew it was about HER problems not mine), but because it just sounded so BAD coming from a grown, supposedly intelligent adult. I was just sharing it really. More showing the unbelievable nastiness some people are capable of. I did have some reservation that a couple of others mentioned on this thread that it's a bit depressing, my worry here is that people will forget the nice things and just turn this into a negative experience thread.


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## BigCutieSasha (Apr 30, 2007)

I have heard a lot from both sides. Both hurtful and nice. 

When I was younger and I was trying anything to lose weight, even going as far as diet pills in 7th grade. My friends sat me down and told me," We think you are just how you are meant to be. If you weren't bigger, it wouldn't be you. It has made you who you are and we love you like that." That was at an intervention meeting with school counselors in middle school. Lots of tears shed that day. It meant so much that they said that, even though they were all skinny ass little girls. I knew they meant it. 

As fas as hurtful, well there are a few in my mind that stick out. When my grandma was on the phone with my brother one day back in high school, she said, " So I hear your losing weight there Jesse." My brother replied,"Yeah I guess I have been." She said," Yeah if your sister would just lose weight, maybe boys would actually want to date her." My brother thank god reminded grandma at that point that I currently HAD a boyfriend. 
Another time was at a neighborhood BBQ. I was 15 years old. One of our fitness obsessed neighbors went up to my mom after I had just left and said to my mom,"You know, Sasha is just such a nice girl. She has a pretty face too. If she just lost some weight she would be beautiful." 

I think having strangers say something unkind to you makes it easier to brush off. Thinking well shit that person doesn't know me and frankly I don't want to know someone who is shallow like that. When it's your actual family and friends who think they can make comments about how THEY feel you should look, it cuts a bit deeper and for me the scars stay a bit longer.


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## Brenda (Apr 30, 2007)

I got made fun of a lot in school about my weight. It serves me to not dredge up that misery so I will think of a more recent nasty comment. 

The worst of recent years is when we were visiting John's family Christmas morning after driving all night to be with them. She asked if I wanted to take a shower, I replied yes and she said well I would tell you to take one in my bathroom but not sure if you will fit in the shower. WTF? As angry and hurt I was I just said as fat as I am I still fit in a standard shower stall. Once when discussing weight loss surgery she suggested it would be a good idea for me. She than proceeded to ask the rest of the family to vote on it. In her defense she was anorexic in the past and remains pretty obsessed with her own weight.

Funniest would be when my niece raised her index finger for emphasis and said "You have a larggggeee butt".

Nicest and most genuine thing anyone ever said to me about my looks period was when I was dressed up as a flapper for Halloween. I answered the door for a trick or treater and the little girl looked up at me and said "You are beautiful". I nearly cried, needless to say she got loads of candy from me.

Brenda


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## jimmi (May 2, 2007)

One of the meanest things: 
Freshman year of college I over heard a girl say to her friend as I walked by, "God, will you please shoot me if I ever get that fat?!" 

The nicest:
My boyfriend says I'm "thick in all the right places."


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## Pear320 (May 2, 2007)

HURTFUL comment: 

"When you get into the 200's you will feel more "HUMAN" . .
(said to me several years ago by a doctor preaching that I need to lose weight)



NICE comment: 

Christmas 2005 I went to a family get together where we all met our friend's son who works as a model for Cosmopolitan magazine, Skechers, and recently did a TV commercial with Heidi Klum. He is as friendly and sweet as he is "drop dead" gorgeous. 

After the party his mom said that Jason couldn't stop talking about me. She laughed and told him, "Jason! Jan is older than me!" "Doesn't matter mom, she is BEAUTIFUL!"

(*sigh* Oh, to be "twenty something" again)


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## Wagimawr (May 2, 2007)

jimmi said:


> One of the meanest things:
> Freshman year of college I over heard a girl say to her friend as I walked by, "God, will you please shoot me if I ever get that fat?!"


Easy comeback to that one:
"Why wait?" 

Seriously, this thread's a little spooky in terms of showing what some people actually think about other people who happen to be fatter than them.


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## BeeBee (May 3, 2007)

I think that probably the most painful experiences I have seen have come from institutionalized fat bigotry...in this case it didn't bother me much but the two girls I was with were devastated. It has been a long time ago now, but I will always remember when I and twin sisters were "summoned" out of our classroom in front of the entire class to go to the school nurses office. This was maybe the third grade, and the three of us were obviously the heaviest kids in the room by far. 
When we got to the nurses office there were several people there from the school district, as well as maybe 25 other overweight students. They weighed each and every one of us in front of the group and then made us sit there while the witch hunt proceeded. The two twins were identical - 155 pounds each, which was probably almost double the weight of the average student then, but the school officials made such a deal about it that both the girls were crying as well as some of the others from different classes. After that, the had us go into an inner office individually and undress down to underwear and a doctor evaluated us. 
The two sisters left the office still extremely upset by the Gestapo-like event and didn't return to school for about a week. I know if I had ever mentioned this to my hotheaded father there would have been a big scene in the school offices...I am sure that no parent gave permission for that, much less knew about it prior to it happening. About two weeks later the twins checked out of the school system...I'll never know what happened to them... Private school or maybe moved out of California. Sorry this was so long, but I still am passionate about that kind of abuse....


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## RedVelvet (May 3, 2007)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Hmm, this thread is .. depressing. I mean, it's nice to see the compliments, but ugh, I can only imagine how hurtful the insults were. Especially since most of them come from family .. people you can't just shut out of your life.




Oh hell yes.....I cant even get past the first page ...its so grim.....so..heck....I wont even see this...

um..

yeah.


I KNOW I had a point here......


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## chickadee (May 3, 2007)

Maybe if we live good lives and are kind and supportive to everyone, the world will slowly change. We can lead by example. 

I am thinking that some of these things might have been said in the past about people of different races or people with physical and mental disabilities. We've made some progress as a society, hopefully we can make it in the area of accepting individuals of all shapes and sizes.


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## thisgirl (May 3, 2007)

nicest: have only dated like 2 FAs- one of which is still currently my bf. He is very complimentary-- the funny thing is that I rarely remember the good stuff..... sooo..... 

the bad stuff: (two of the most recent)
1. I don't mind that your...well.. that... er .. size.. (very EX boyfriend)... my response: "unfortunately I mind that you.. uhm.. are that stupid, bald, and still live at home with mama!" -- ok I didn't say it-- but I should have!

2. and.. last-- and by no means the least: My "best friend"s husband to a mutual friend "ya, I met "thisgirls" boyfriend-- he seems so normal, why would he want to be with her, why would anyone want to be with her.... he must have a fat fettish" My response -Screaming "TELL HIM THAT HE DOES!" and I took off.... (this i DID say) and then i proceded to scheme a plan to plumpen up his wife..... which i didnt do... because i couldnt face them ever again... apparently my X-bestfriend agreed. 
Funny-for some reason I am struggling with this today... feels like my friend died..


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## Vice Admiral D (May 5, 2007)

It is difficult to see read the hurtful comments people have written about here. Especially the ones from grade school children, regardless of whether or not it's about size or not. In the end, it's just about being different, and the insecurities of young people feeling the need for attention, to divert any teasing away from themselves and maybe just poor attempts at humor. 

These "teasers" can be so hurtful and fragile at the same time; if you found the right button to push, you'd send them packing in tears. I remember teasing schoolmates about things when I was young, but even then, as I was discovering I prefered the larger female form, I steered clear of teasing the "fat" girls. Thing is, others pick up on this like sharks and single you out, with stuff like "You LIKE that cow?!" and I allowed it it stunt my own coming to terms with who I am. Jeez, it may be easier "coming out of the closet" than admitting you are an FA. (Okay, I'm sure it's not, but it can be related to on many of the same levels, since it involves a preference that some just can't imagine as being "normal").

I regret not sticking up more for those who I saw teased, and really do feel bad about stupid thngs I said myself when I was a child (making fun of a cross-eyed girl, for example). It's only when you are older when you can realize how that stuff can accumulate and affect others due to stupid comments. If I have a family someday, I'll do my best to instill those notions in my kids.

As for the adults' hurtful comments: that's where I find it inexcusable. It means nobody gave taught them the lessons they needed to know when they were in their more formative years, but damn, they should know better on their own at this point. Sure, it might be "funny" when Grannie says something hurtful, bigoted or just plain dumb but reading these comments really has filled me with a sense of sadness regarding how easy it is to cause damage whether intentional or not.

Now with that out of the way: I must say besides the general comments of "You're beautiful" I don't recall much from me in regards to compliments that regarded size to any of my "fluffier" girlfriends. But I have my own ways. In particular, I had a girlfriend who I would be doing something like standing at the kitchen counter. I'd sneak up behind her and wrap my arms around her and give her a big hug, and just say "hmmmmm". She had said one time: "You love me, don't you?" and I replied "Oh, yeahhh..." and we could read each other well enough to know that I was saying "You are sexy". We both knew exactly what we were talking about.

Sometimes, words fail me in person (writing is easier!) and actions can speak louder than words, but after reading all the stories here, I see that once in a while, a nice compliment can go a long way. I'll keep that in mind for my next relationship (the Admiral is sailing solo again right now), because although I may "blush" a little when paid any compliment, I still don't mind hearing them myself!


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## kenzie_kutie (May 5, 2007)

BigCutieSasha said:


> I was 15 years old. One of our fitness obsessed neighbors went up to my mom after I had just left and said to my mom,"You know, Sasha is just such a nice girl. She has a pretty face too. If she just lost some weight she would be beautiful."



i had about the same thing happen to me sasha!!

back in high school i was pretty popular and use to get along with everyone. and u know how everyone has like "the hottest guy in school?" well we were talking one day and he was like, "you are so pretty, you'd be insanely hot if you were lost some weight.. like a 10 on a scale from 1-10" 

and even though he meant it as a compliment, it didn't feel like that to me. 


another thing i'll never forget was when i was like prolly 6. somehwere around there and we had those bathingsuits that were kinda one piece, kinda 2 piece.. had like circle hole in the stomach area. and i remember my grandma was like, "this is gunna be your last year wearing a 2 peice if u keep it up." i was like 6 yrs old. 

it's crazy how those things stick with you your whole life.


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## Krissy12 (May 5, 2007)

Hah, this thread brought up a memory from way back when I was about 12-13..I was a bit thick then, but still within societal "norms" and I was over at a friend's house who was stick thin. A couple of guys came over to swim with us in her pool and one of the boys said to me, "Your knees are fat". WTF? lol


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