# FA crisis



## IrishBard (Sep 26, 2008)

This is a little complicated. I have been 6 months without a girlfriend, and a few of my friends have tried to help me get back into the swing of things. We were looking around a bar, having a chat, looking at various people, generally relaxing after the mountain of work we completed.

suddenly, Darren grabs me.
"Look over there, Ed!" he said, "Look over there!"
I see a pretty ,thin-ish ,woman, dressed in a sought of hippy-ish dress with a number of different pendents and necklaces. 
"Yes, I see her," I replied, "and what of it?"
"Ed, thats Cathrine, a girl in my lectures. Exceptionally bright, wonderfully funny, charming, patient, and drop dead gorgeous. Go on, ask her out, she's single, give it a chance."
"Well, I would," I replied, "but, really, she's not my type."
"Ed, I know you prefer bigger women, But trust me, you two would work really well together. She's doing joint honours psychology and media, she might be able to get that book of yours out into the open."
"I'm still not sure," I said again, "I mean, after Harriet (Previous girlfriend, witty, cunning, patient, if slightly mad, 214.6lbs BBW), I really can't see myself being with anyone under 150lbs."

and then the big question is dropped.
"Ed, This stems a little further back than Harriet," Darren said, "Could it be that your love of plus-sized women is down to a latent rebelion against your mothers obsession with loosing weight?"
I thought about it. Maybe it was the case. Maybe the root of my FA-ism is a bit of teenage rebellion which has stayed on, along with my total rejection of Barry White. It has began to make me think about my Identity as a FA.

Now, I am not an FA in a traditional sense, and one of the key advocators of "All women are beautiful", but I mainly prompt it in the sense of "Fat women are beautiful" as well. I'm always going out with fat women, building their confidence, whilst inside the "deviants preferences" club, talking to people who have only recently discovered their FA-ism. So could this all be stemming from the fact that my mother was a slight health obsessive and I'm still rebelling? 

My mother is a lovely caring person (the kind that will go to soup kitchens at christmas, new years and easter to help feed the homeless), so its not so much that she's a nazified health tyrant, but she does hold a few conservative veiws on fat people in some respects (drain on the NHS (thought she says that about smokers and alcoholics), getting a bit of exercise never hurt anybody, some peoples don't eat their vegatable when they should). So is it because there is still a little bit of teenager inside of me wanted to rebel further, or is my FA status something that seems right for me from the start?


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## No-No-Badkitty (Sep 26, 2008)

IrishBard said:


> "Could it be that your love of plus-sized women is down to a latent rebelion against your mothers obsession with loosing weight?"





You know what? Who cares. Who cares WHY you just love fat chicks. If that's what makes you happy, go with it.
If we psycho-analyzed every movement we made we'd never enjoy life.

Just my opinion...


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## bexy (Sep 26, 2008)

ok take a breath lol!

you are over complicating things here.

you are attracted to whom you are attracted to.

if you like a fat girl, its because chemical receptors inside of your brain (and lets face it, your pants) tell you she is sexy.
the same can be said if you see a smaller girl and find her sexy. it is a natural reaction, a knee jerk reaction, a reflex if you will...

people try to find rhyme and reason behind everything.

you are not a traitor to the cause if you date someone slimmer than usual.

if you have similar interests, or basically if you just like a person, and there is nothing stopping you dating like a husband or restraining order lol, do it. 

don't worry about anything else, the world is a difficult enough place without trying to analyse why and how we do the things we do.


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## mossystate (Sep 26, 2008)

I agree with Bexy. Just enjoy whatever/whomever you like.

Now, I would think a little more about your saying, " I'm always going out with fat women, building their confidence ". No person wants to be a project, no matter the degree of positive that can from it. Maybe keep that in mind and you might find yourself struggling less. 

Let your dating be a bit more organic in how you approach it. In fact, don't think at all. Ok, maybe you should not go that far. Heh.


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## Fascinita (Sep 26, 2008)

If you're worried that you're still tied to mom and that you've failed to grow up, I have good news: NOBODY ever gets away from mom. When you're rejecting mom, you're tied to mom. When you're close to mom, you're tied to mom. When you find out you're adopted and it's a shock and you wonder who your "real" mom is, you're tied to mom--maybe even to two moms! 

It's simple. Mom never goes away, even when she goes away.

You're no different from anyone. 

Enjoy your life. Assuming you're a relatively sane, functioning person who doesn't go around hurting others willi nilly, you'll be doing no worse than the rest of humanity if you just try to find a little piece of happiness on your terms. 

There's nothing wrong with liking fat women. There's no "ulterior" motive to find, unless you suddenly start believing that there is. You may as well ask why you do or like anything at all. At some point, you have to stop contemplating and start living.

Good luck. :bow:


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## Chimpi (Sep 26, 2008)

Where I have many days where I analyze/over-analyze things as well, right now I'm very inclined to just say "If you like a girl, try and get to know her. If she's fat, she's fat. If she's thin, she's thin. What matters is that you like her, are interested in her or would like to find out more about her."
Simple.

It's possible that you're still "rebellious" in that sense, but you like fat women. You find them attractive. You most likely will never know the exact reason _why_ you are a "Fat Admirer," but as Badkitty said, what does it matter?


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## T_Devil (Sep 26, 2008)

Wow.
Kind of reminds me of the chorus of Seasons in the Abyss by Slayer:

_Close your eyes 
Look deep in your soul
Step outside yourself a
And let your mind go
Frozen eyes stare deep in your mind as you die

Close your eyes
And forget your name
Step outside yourslef
And let your throughts drain
As you go insane...insane
_

Dude, you have two choices. Pick this apart so badly that you begin to pull at the fabric of your entire being, which I do not recommend because there are things in every bodies personality that can trigger self destruction.

OR

You can just leave it be and be happy with it.


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## goodthings (Sep 26, 2008)

Ahhh, don't over think it. If you like the girl, ask her out, if you don't, don't. 

Also you do not need to be involved in "fetish" to be attracted to big women. My guy is not a FA, but he says he loves me and that I am the only fat girl he has loved. However, he lives in London, UK and we have not met in person yet, so that may change when we do, although I don't think it will as I am prettier in person and have a lovely warm, squooshy and nice-smelling body. And I am much prettier in person (or so I have been told).

We cannot help who we are attracted to and you will not have to give up your membership in the fellow of "boys who like fat girls". I love my Englishman, but that does not mean I do not love my Canadian men too, not sure if that makes sense or not, but hope it helps.

For those that are wondering how I could have a bf and be looking to score, we are not "official" until we meet and can see if we love actually love eachother or just the thought of eachother.


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## wrestlingguy (Sep 26, 2008)

I like fat women because they remind me of my mom..........


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 26, 2008)

Just curious....did you ever go into this type of deep introspection before your friend tried to push a woman you weren't interested in on you and question your preferences as being some "teenage rebellion"? 

Funny, you are questioning yourself, your past, your mother and your preferences...yet I saw nothing where you stopped to question your friends motives.....dare I say you might have been manipulated on some level?


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## Lastminute.Tom (Sep 26, 2008)

ok, what if it is true, what if your cognitive choice to date fat girls lies in a simple rebellion?
what difference does it make to who you are?
would you go back and live your life differently?
are you happy with who you are right now?
how are you different from other people;people whos preference is dictated by the media?

in summation, does it matter where the origin of your ideals lie, if you are happy to live them?


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## southernfa (Sep 26, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> If you're worried that you're still tied to mom and that you've failed to grow up, I have good news: NOBODY ever gets away from mom. When you're rejecting mom, you're tied to mom. When you're close to mom, you're tied to mom. When you find out you're adopted and it's a shock and you wonder who your "real" mom is, you're tied to mom--maybe even to two moms!
> 
> It's simple. Mom never goes away, even when she goes away.



I'd suggest that for the OP to form any durable relationship with anyone, he would need to resolve any outstanding issues re his mother. Part of growing up and settling down is severing the 'umbilical cord' and both mother and son have to deal with that as, at least in my observation, wives and SOs aren't that good at sharing. In most cases, one relationship, surely, needs to come first.


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## Fascinita (Sep 26, 2008)

southernfa said:


> I'd suggest that for the OP to form any durable relationship with anyone, he would need to resolve any outstanding issues re his mother. Part of growing up and settling down is severing the 'umbilical cord' and both mother and son have to deal with that as, at least in my observation, wives and SOs aren't that good at sharing. In most cases, one relationship, surely, needs to come first.



Not like you to jump the gun and draw wild inferences from the broad strokes of a situation, dear southern. 

And I'm not sure that wives and girlfriends want to be substitutes for the mother that's been severed away.

I'm not sure you understand that I wasn't talking about hanging around mom well into your 60s. 

As Thackeray says, "Mother is the name for God on the hearts and lips of little children." No matter how you slice it, the mother is one's creator. That's a very profound tie. Even when you're defining yourself as someone who has grown up and "severed the umbilical chord," the fact is, you're still defined in relationship to mother. There's no getting away from it. "Issues" may be resolved, and yet, there is always mother, who gave you life. No amount of neurotic fretting over whether one is really finally free or not can obliterate that simple truth.

I would add, too, that independence from momma is not only an issue for sons. Daughters experience similar crises. (I bet you saw that coming  )

I do think that this OP might be better served trying to figure out how to sever the umbilical chord to his friends' opinions of what he should do, than worry whether his sexual preferences are really just a way of trying to control his mom.


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## UncannyBruceman (Sep 26, 2008)

I can't figure out why I'm an FA. I don't care to. In fact, there was never a day in my life in which I wondered why I was born with the orientation I have, and I've been aware of my orientation since I was about 4 or 5. We had NO fat women in my schools growing up. The parties I went to were fun, but there were never any girls that I would have considered dating. Every one hooked up while I looked after the friends who drank too much, and still, I never wondered why I was born with this. I knew that my time would soon come, and I'm currently making the most of it whenever I attend a bash or whenever I attend one of Wrestlinguy's wrestling shows in south NJ (like tomorrow's, for example!!). During moments like that, and during the moments that I shared with Melissa before we split up, or during any of the moments I spent with some very special ladies at the last two bashes I attended in Boston this summer, I, as an FA, felt blessed...not confused.

As an FA, I am in a minority when compared to my peers. But as an FA, I also feel elite...for none of my friends know the soothing feeling of being wrapped up in the enticing softness of a 400lb woman; we are an elite fraternity.

In my experiences in recent years, the best way to overcome this "FA crisis" is to do it while being ready to pie-face someone. Case in point, if one of my friends were to point out that thin woman from the lecture you spoke of and nudge me to talk to her, depending on how many drinks I've had, my response would probably be "I'll talk to her once she's 200lbs heavier". Go ahead and be militant if you feel that it gives your confidence that extra boost, but whenever a friend tries to push you off on a skinny girl, you gotta ask them what *the fuck is wrong with THEM*.


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## gangstadawg (Sep 27, 2008)

UncannyBruceman said:


> I can't figure out why I'm an FA. I don't care to. In fact, there was never a day in my life in which I wondered why I was born with the orientation I have, and I've been aware of my orientation since I was about 4 or 5. We had NO fat women in my schools growing up. The parties I went to were fun, but there were never any girls that I would have considered dating. Every one hooked up while I looked after the friends who drank too much, and still, I never wondered why I was born with this. I knew that my time would soon come, and I'm currently making the most of it whenever I attend a bash or whenever I attend one of Wrestlinguy's wrestling shows in south NJ (like tomorrow's, for example!!). During moments like that, and during the moments that I shared with Melissa before we split up, or during any of the moments I spent with some very special ladies at the last two bashes I attended in Boston this summer, I, as an FA, felt blessed...not confused.
> 
> As an FA, I am in a minority when compared to my peers. But as an FA, I also feel elite...for none of my friends know the soothing feeling of being wrapped up in the enticing softness of a 400lb woman; we are an elite fraternity.
> 
> In my experiences in recent years, the best way to overcome this "FA crisis" is to do it while being ready to pie-face someone. Case in point, if one of my friends were to point out that thin woman from the lecture you spoke of and nudge me to talk to her, depending on how many drinks I've had, my response would probably be "I'll talk to her once she's 200lbs heavier". Go ahead and be militant if you feel that it gives your confidence that extra boost, but whenever a friend tries to push you off on a skinny girl, you gotta ask them what *the fuck is wrong with THEM*.


or tell em why dont they go talk to that thin girl.


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## olwen (Sep 27, 2008)

I agree with the others. Who gives a flying fuck why you like fat girls. Why does your friend feel the need to justify it in his mind. Sounds like he doesn't really respect your choices if he feels the need to hook you up with someone he knows isn't your type. 

But there's also no reason why you shouldn't try dating her....just...don't settle either. It wouldn't be fair to her to use her to experiment with your desires. If she picked up on the fact that you prefer fat women, she'd wonder why you'd be interested in her in the first place. Then you might have to have a very unpleasant conversation.

The point is, You like what you like. Trying to figure out why is an exercise in futility. Just live, enjoy life, and don't worry about it so much.


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## olwen (Sep 27, 2008)

T_Devil said:


> Wow.
> Kind of reminds me of the chorus of Seasons in the Abyss by Slayer:
> 
> _Close your eyes
> ...



Now I just want to pull out my slayer albums.


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## southernfa (Sep 27, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Not like you to jump the gun and draw wild inferences from the broad strokes of a situation, dear southern.



Wanna see my diploma from the Dr Phil school of long distance diagnosis?!? 

Having four, at last count, mother-in-laws, I have seen some variety in these relationships but will happily concede I understand no more about them then your average male.

Perhaps ignorance really is bliss!


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## IrishBard (Sep 27, 2008)

1. Have you ever had one of those moments where you start to question why you are who you are? I'm having one right now. 

2. Darren is a good friend, I've known him since college, and He's always been open with me. I doubt he has some kind of ulterior motive, he generally accepts the fact I have my preferences, like he has his (furry!).

3. It's not like it hasn't been obvious that I've dropped out of the swing of relationships. I start to blush whenever girls, (who I've never met before mostly, but even some who I have) and ramble as well, before doing something so awkward that I want the world to swallow me whole. Mitch has taken me clubbing (ending in a small fight), Darren, justin and Mel have taken me to gigs (ending in accident and emergency, often from trying to chat up a huge bikers girlfriend), I've even raised my thoughts about dating online (not a good move, they say, you end up with stalkers!)

yeah... ok


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## goofy girl (Sep 27, 2008)

I think we all have those moments where we wonder why about ourselves, and that's fine. I think there is just concern the way it came across as you sort of came to a screeching halt before you get yourself figured out, so to speak.

If you want to try to understand why you are attracted to bigger women, go for it. But more than likely, you will probably just drive yourself even more crazy trying to figure out WHY you are attracted to bigger women then accepting that you are attracted to them.

Also, if you finally realize "hey, I feel this way because of my Mom"..is it going to change who you are now?


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## Mac5689 (Sep 28, 2008)

what is a "traditional" FA anyway?, i never heard of one before. lol


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Sep 28, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Just curious....did you ever go into this type of deep introspection before your friend tried to push a woman you weren't interested in on you and question your preferences as being some "teenage rebellion"?
> 
> Funny, you are questioning yourself, your past, your mother and your preferences...yet I saw nothing where you stopped to question your friends motives.....dare I say you might have been manipulated on some level?




Here here!

It is often the habit of so-called friends to browbeat, decieve, and manipulate, ESPECIALLY when they think they are doing you good by finding you a "good match". 

Stab your "friend" in the "kidneys" and see if he's so sure your "preference" comes from "teen rebellion" then.


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## Elfcat (Sep 28, 2008)

Not to mention how distasteful this friend is being by saying, basically, "Go date her, and she might get your book published." Ummm, you can't ask a woman to help you get published without courting her? What fucking century are we in pray tell?


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## exile in thighville (Sep 28, 2008)

IrishBard said:


> This is a little complicated. I have been 6 months without a girlfriend, and a few of my friends have tried to help me get back into the swing of things. We were looking around a bar, having a chat, looking at various people, generally relaxing after the mountain of work we completed.
> 
> suddenly, Darren grabs me.
> "Look over there, Ed!" he said, "Look over there!"
> ...



I did my Freud homework a long time ago personally. It doesn't matter in the end, you can't change it. Also, I think your friend is a bit of an a-hole to imply that your sexuality is in some way in need of psychological facing-down. Ask him if he likes big tits to rebel against his mom's flat chest.

On a final note, if you really think all women are beautiful...if you're really bisizual...you should go out with the thin chick.


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## IrishBard (Sep 28, 2008)

I did, as it happens...

a few days later, Cathrine thought I was coming on to hard and gave the death sentence
"I like you, ed, but lets just be friends."

_|_
|
|

R.I.P confidence.


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## No-No-Badkitty (Sep 28, 2008)

IrishBard said:


> I did, as it happens...
> 
> a few days later, Cathrine thought I was coming on to hard and gave the death sentence
> "I like you, ed, but lets just be friends."
> ...





Noo nooo Nooo don't look at it in a negative light...see you're meant to be with a fat chick!!!!


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## MancFA (Sep 28, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Just curious....did you ever go into this type of deep introspection before your friend tried to push a woman you weren't interested in on you and question your preferences as being some "teenage rebellion"?
> 
> Funny, you are questioning yourself, your past, your mother and your preferences...yet I saw nothing where you stopped to question your friends motives.....dare I say you might have been manipulated on some level?



I like this point. I don't think I'd say your friend was manipulating u as part of some ulterior motive but perhaps he unwittingly has sown a few seeds of doubt in your head and your valuing his opinion a little too highly.


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## No-No-Badkitty (Sep 28, 2008)

One thing not yet discussed on this...
Is maybe what all this boils down to is your own friend's insecurities. I mean, maybe he doesn't want you to dat fat chicks because it might lead him to questioning his own preference...and by watching you do it, he may then have to admit that he wants to too and unlike you...he isn't ready to face that social hurdle?


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## StellaMaris (Sep 28, 2008)

IrishBard said:


> I did, as it happens...
> 
> a few days later, Cathrine thought I was coming on to hard and gave the death sentence
> "I like you, ed, but lets just be friends."
> ...



Sorry to hear that!
But are you dissapointed because you finally really liked her or is it more a confidence thing? 

But maybe it is better this way instead of you getting involved in something you are not 100% behind. She probably felt it somehow? But as I do not know you it's just a guess.


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## T_Devil (Sep 28, 2008)

IrishBard said:


> I did, as it happens...
> 
> a few days later, Cathrine thought I was coming on to hard and gave the death sentence
> "I like you, ed, but lets just be friends."
> ...



Poor dude. I know how that feels.
Oh well, whenever you're hanging out with her, point out chicks you think are hot. That's something friends do. You should hear me and my FA friends all together in Vegas. "Dude, Wow, check that chick out. she's finer than fuck!"
"Where?"
"That chick over there with the big ass and the jeans that are too tight."
"Oh yea, NICE! Good eye!"

I know, it sounds like we're being subjective. Admiring fat girls like that because we think they're sexy. Shame on us.

Nevertheless, She want's to "just be friends"... by god, treat her like one.


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## missy_blue_eyez (Sep 28, 2008)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how very Freudian!!!!!!

If it wasnt for the media and society in general making the ruling that thin=good, fat=bad, nobody (including yourself) would be questioning your preference for fat girls. It only gets questioned like its some sort of fetish or taboo because we are dictated too all the time, what we should wear, what we should eat, who we should be attracted too, what is beautiful, what isnt beautiful blah blah blah!

Stop questioning it and start living! If your mates wanna get there rocks off with the skinnies then go get yours with the fatties! 

Enjoy!


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## Mac5689 (Sep 28, 2008)

StellaMaris said:


> Sorry to hear that!
> But are you dissapointed because you finally really liked her or is it more a confidence thing?
> 
> But maybe it is better this way instead of you getting involved in something you are not 100% behind. She probably felt it somehow? But as I do not know you it's just a guess.



the same thing happened to me but, i did really like the girl and it hurt my confidence because i had a feeling it was going to happen, but still asked the girl out anyway.


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## liz (di-va) (Sep 28, 2008)

214.6?............


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## CleverBomb (Sep 29, 2008)

Mac5689 said:


> what is a "traditional" FA anyway?, i never heard of one before. lol


I haven't either, and I am aware of all internet traditions.
Perhaps I've missed something.

-Rusty
(All Your Base Are banannas dancing to the Hampsterdance song).


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## squidgemonster (Sep 29, 2008)

I just hope that those FAs that are struggling to accept themselves will one day be comfortable with their inner selves.I had this problem when in my late teens,but since 21 I outed myself and that has helped me be comfortable with my love for BBW/SSBBW.


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## QuantumXL (Sep 29, 2008)

let me look back on myself. Im 19 years old, and I'm just getting to know myself as a FA identity. I guess i can go back on my adventure to figure out what made me an FA. Its like all people that like skinny people have a little story of their own. Either be by peer pressure, or just the flow of the crowd, what ever it might be there has to be a story behind it. I remember back when i was 4 I started school and i had this BBW (Around 350lbs) kindergarten teacher which was the nicest teacher i have had in my whole life. EVERYBODY loved her. She was so lovable. She was like mommy number two she was so nice. I loved school. (OH MY GOD i didn't say that) But she was great. She was the greatest. My mother said while i was in kindergarten. "You know Fat Girls can be pretty too, they all don't have to be skinny. When fat girls grow up, they become so pretty..." That sparked it all for me. Apparently she tells me she doesn't mean it that way, but i frankly don't care, because i think their hotness. I love my fiance and she can eat me. SHE IS BIG AND SHES HOT! Well Irish, there is my story. I hope this helps.


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## IrishBard (Sep 30, 2008)

yeah it does, actually! Thanks!

I really liked Cathrine. She was charming, witty, funny and a really deep and complex person. but I felt kind of watched all the time by the friends, to see if I'd continue it, and she felt the same way, and so she dumped me because of the pressure.

It also is a confidence thing. I am really hacked off with Darren, for watching the whole time! Its more pride than anything else, as i'm quiet offended to think that he thought I didn't have it in me, so I was smoldering for most of the dates a bit.


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## goodthings (Sep 30, 2008)

liz (di-va) said:


> 214.6?............



hey Liz I was wondering about that myself and surprised no one had yet commented on it!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 30, 2008)

liz (di-va) said:


> 214.6?............



Sounds like he might have ran "stones" through a conversion chart on the net? 
Just my best guess......


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## oranges (Sep 30, 2008)

Don't obsess over individualism and your "true self." You are not phonie because one thing in your life sparked another. Did you expect that you were an FA because of your genes? It doesn't matter, even if it is lingering teenage rebellion. This is who you are, and how you got that way doesn't really matter in the long run.

You will never be able to say "This is who I am" or "This is who I'm not." with out any grey areas or without wondering why. 

You can accept yourself or you can loathe yourself like so many other people in our country. 

Sorry if I sound harsh, but in the end: It's okay to be curious why you are the way you are but don't worry about it- you'll never know for sure anyways.


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## exile in thighville (Oct 1, 2008)

IrishBard said:


> I did, as it happens...
> 
> a few days later, Cathrine thought I was coming on to hard and gave the death sentence
> "I like you, ed, but lets just be friends."
> ...



she's thin anyway!!!


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## Mac5689 (Oct 1, 2008)

oranges said:


> Don't obsess over individualism and your "true self." You are not phonie because one thing in your life sparked another. Did you expect that you were an FA because of your genes? It doesn't matter, even if it is lingering teenage rebellion. This is who you are, and how you got that way doesn't really matter in the long run.
> 
> You will never be able to say "This is who I am" or "This is who I'm not." with out any grey areas or without wondering why.
> 
> ...




what u said made sence, except isn't there a saying that says that everything happens for a reason?. if there is, i for one think its a big joke, since stuff always happens to me and my famliy (mostly bad, horrible, depression things) and still there is no reason to why that stuff has happened. 

but i agree, sometimes there are things that people just can not explain, and maybe never will.


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