# How much do you think your size has influenced....



## LordQuas (Sep 17, 2011)

your personality? I was reading a thread where several women were complaining about the different elements of temperament that men often assume, jokingly or otherwise, are a result of being big. At the risk of sounding like I'm conducting an experiment, I love examining the effects of society and culture on our behavior and temperament. I've often wondered how my temperament would be different if I weren't black or athletically built and I'd have to imagine most people have done the same at some point. 

I'm sure I'll get killed for making this thread but I figure it's worth a shot. I apologize to the mods if Im posting this on the wrong board. I just don't want this to turn into a mud-slinging fest that discourages people from posting so if I or this thread offends you then please don't post.


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## Fat Brian (Sep 17, 2011)

I think this is a great question. I know my size has played a large part in who I am today. It forced me to be funny and quick witted, but it also made me shy and for far too long afraid to take chances. It made me hesitant in pursuing romantic relationships, but it also gave me an interesting perspective on people and their motivations. I'm sure I'll never know all of the ways it has molded me because I've never been thin to see the world differently.


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## *Goofy*Girl* (Sep 17, 2011)

Well this is a hard question for me. I haven't always been fat. I've yo-yo dieted most of my life.

When I'm thin, I can be myself. I can take chances, be open, outgoing, do anything.

When I'm fat, I'm more muted and toned-down. I'm not my full self.


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## Brenda (Sep 18, 2011)

Wow, that sounds exactly what I would have written about myself. I am glad we both are now willing to take more chances!




Fat Brian said:


> I think this is a great question. I know my size has played a large part in who I am today. It forced me to be funny and quick witted, but it also made me shy and for far too long afraid to take chances. It made me hesitant in pursuing romantic relationships, but it also gave me an interesting perspective on people and their motivations. I'm sure I'll never know all of the ways it has molded me because I've never been thin to see the world differently.


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## CarlaSixx (Sep 18, 2011)

I think that my life circumstances influenced the turnout of my personality way more, but the consequences of always having been fat definitely affected my personality as well. Just not as much.


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## PunkyGurly74 (Sep 18, 2011)

I think it has played a role in crafting certain aspects of my life.....such as flirting, body space and keeping a safe distance. I have had far more negative experiences due to my weight than positive that I avoid bars, I am constantly aware of my body space and never want a guy to think I am hitting on him...least he bolt..like once again recently. Asked a guy at the dog park, who owns an auction business if he could look at an antique desk...He thought I was hitting on him..now every time I come to the dog park..he runs!

So, I have little desire to be a flirt, be a sexual being or god help me, stand too close to someone...so, close relationships suffer or I just don't have them.....so,my personality has been shaped by a lack of dating, relationships and love.

So, I become the funny girl who is full of stories and trivia. How freakin' exciting is that?? Whooo and hooo!


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## Heyyou (Sep 18, 2011)

PunkyGurly74 said:


> I think it has played a role in crafting certain aspects of my life.....such as flirting, body space and keeping a safe distance. I have had far more negative experiences due to my weight than positive that I avoid bars, I am constantly aware of my body space and never want a guy to think I am hitting on him...least he bolt..like once again recently. Asked a guy at the dog park, who owns an auction business if he could look at an antique desk...He thought I was hitting on him..now every time I come to the dog park..he runs!
> 
> So, I have little desire to be a flirt, be a sexual being or god help me, stand too close to someone...so, close relationships suffer or I just don't have them.....so,my personality has been shaped by a lack of dating, relationships and love.
> 
> *So, I become the funny girl who is full of stories and trivia. How freakin' exciting is that?? Whooo and hooo!*



Punky, i too have thise same feelings. Females tend to think i am gay, either from my mannerism or lack of sexual talk (im almost a-sexual, im not turned on by the flirt things that i guess most people pick up on, its textbook HS Aspies but anyway) Im either 5ft10 or 6ft dependign on who is measiring, how tall the person measuring is, what shoes we have on, and where measured (walking out of Burger King height markers im 6ft flat) and if im a foodee for a week as i tend to be im about 20lbs heavier and around "210" and if im thrifty the week and walk and rde im about "190" and i have the same impairments, so.. its a desire to want to flirt/talk/have relationship, muted by life experiences.

I notice a lot of SSBBW women are aware of their size, and ive been in public where even BBWs looked at an SSBBW and said (under their breath, thinking we couldnt hear) "She needs to cut down on the donuts." I didnt say anything, but people really are cruel.

As a Non-BBW, SSBBW, nor BHM, i can say that size hasnt influenced anything.. .... but i have MUCH the same shyness and handicaps that perhaps a shy BBW or SSBBW does from being conscious of her size.


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## KittyKitten (Sep 18, 2011)

Heyyou said:


> .
> 
> I notice a lot of SSBBW women are aware of their size, and ive been in public where even BBWs looked at an SSBBW and said (under their breath, thinking we couldnt hear) "She needs to cut down on the donuts."



Yeah, I see that all the time. It's like wow, "I'm big, but at least I'm not THAT big." 

Anyway to answer the OP's question, my size has made me more aware of how I dress. I have heavy breasts and an abundance of curves so I have to be careful to not appear 'too sexy'. Fails much of the time, can't hide these puppies. I'm kind of shy of walking into gas stations and convenience stores for obvious reasons (get hit on everytime). It's a double-edged sword.


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## thatgirl08 (Sep 18, 2011)

I don't think being fat has made me that shy. I'm definitely not one of those people who loves to be the center of attention and likes to be on stage and public speaking and all that stuff but I'm not exactly shy either. I make friends easily, and I'm pretty outgoing and talkative in general. I think I was somewhat more shy when I was a kid but I've never really had a problem connecting with other people. I also rarely let being fat get in the way of flirting with guys I'm interested in. If it wasn't for me being so forward I wouldn't be seeing the guy I'm currently seeing (nothing official yet though!) We met at a mutual friends party and I 100% put myself out there. It worked out this time but I've been rejected a bunch over my life time.. way more than it's ever worked out.. especially in middle & high school. I know I'd be even more outgoing if I was thin (and therefore even more comfortable around new people) but I'm not exactly introverted as is.


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## littlefairywren (Sep 18, 2011)

I think my size definitely has had an effect on my personality. I've often wondered if I wasn't fat, would I be as shy, quiet or as much of a wall hugger. I keep my guard up with new people for a very long time, so most have to earn my trust before I open up. 

On the flip side, I do think it's made me much more sensitive to the human condition.


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## BitsySpider (Sep 18, 2011)

My size has affected my personality a lot. In Junior High and High school I was bigger than I wanted to be (about 150 lbs) and I was extremely self conscious about it. Added on my already clueless ways when it came to make-up, clothes, boys, etc. I was quite the dork and so became extremely introverted and all but scared of folks. In my later years in high school, after managing to harness in a few friends over the years my attitude turned toward "scary" as I wore a lot of black (still do) and while I wasn't exactly witty I was apparently jarring which was fine enough for me. But that was all just exterior as I certainly didn't feel interesting or quirky or whatever.

It's been a about 5 years since high school and I've lost 50 lbs. but I honestly don't think my personality had changed in the slightest. Those insecurities of disliking, feeling ashamed and embarrassed of my body have stuck with me and I'm no more outgoing, loud and fun now than I was back then as I'm constantly aware and paranoid of how my body size looks to others. I imagine if I had been smaller growing up I that comfortableness with myself would have given me a huge boost in self esteem (yeah yeah, real cliche I'm preaching there), but instead those shy and painful feelings have stuck with me as even after changing myself physically and still striving to do so more my general regards to how I view myself and my attitude and personality to the outside world really haven't shifted all too much.


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## olwen (Sep 18, 2011)

This is a good question. I think about this often actually. I'm convinced that if I were thin I would be bitchy, stuck up, and less conscious of the space around me. But I would also have a better wardrobe and would be able to actually dress to fit whatever personality I'd have not work with what fits. I really do feel it's difficult to express my personality thru clothes. I'd have a serious shoe addiction if I were thin and I might actually get along better with my thin sister. My life might have taken an entirely different direction if I were thin. Like I'd be working at a record label or fashion house instead of a publishing house, and I might be married with kids too, and I'd less stressed about travelling so I'd do more of it.


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## PunkyGurly74 (Sep 18, 2011)

olwen said:


> This is a good question. I think about this often actually. I'm convinced that if I were thin I would be bitchy, stuck up, and less conscious of the space around me. But I would also have a better wardrobe and would be able to actually dress to fit whatever personality I'd have not work with what fits. I really do feel it's difficult to express my personality thru clothes. I'd have a serious shoe addiction if I were thin and I might actually get along better with my thin sister. My life might have taken an entirely different direction if I were thin. Like I'd be working at a record label or fashion house instead of a publishing house, and I might be married with kids too, and I'd be less stressed about traveling so I'd do more of it.



All of this and more...as I have aged...I have noticed the changes..... I have been the life of the party, the center of attention - that group at the bar of the loud people, being happy, drinking and taking over the place - or being bold and picking up a guy at a bar...i of course was a smaller size and a BBW not an SSBBW at this point. I am a trainer...of course I love being the center of attention and taking the lead. Do not mistake admitting that I don't actively pursue a love life any longer with the fact that I am extremely extroverted and everything that comes with that. I connect instantly with people and most people enjoy my company, I am witty, funny, quick and highly intelligent. I just feel that at my size, which I am an SSBBW ( I weigh 430 lbs) - men are not as receptive to me physically. Why try to force myself on someone who is clearly not into what I look like? So, you change your personality/outlook.

I have spent years wondering if I would have been thinner in HS - would I have attracted more than one golf scholarship and what path my life would have taken if I could have pursued golf as a profession. However, everyone criticized my weight. From my golf pros to members of the club and my parents. It was always, "why can't you just lose the weight". "You are throwing away your talent." "If you lost the weight we could get you sponsers"... I do believe I was only like a size 20....cannot remember for sure...

I too wonder what it would be like to be thin and have access to fashion, consignment shops...and hell, great clearance sales lol. 

I do believe I would have taken the chance to travel overseas,not worried about my size in foreign countries. I even think I would have taken the risk and packed myself a bag and my dogs a bag, sold everything that I owned and head out for the west - for a long road trip...do odd jobs here and there to make money (I would be far more physically capable of that at a much lower weight...bar tend...waitress) and just live like that, write, and see what happens.


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## The Orange Mage (Sep 18, 2011)

I think being a skinny little bastard may have contributed to me being a quiet, introverted fellow. Maybe. But then again, I'd chalk it up more to early life experiences more than anything.


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## idontspeakespn (Sep 18, 2011)

I honestly don't think my weight has influenced my personality in any significant way, other than to perhaps develop a thicker skin for insults. 

I was a normal-sized child and I'd say about 70% of my dominant personality traits have carried on since my earliest days. I was always a very sweet, bubbly somewhat shy person. I was always introverted, always thinking instead of simply doing or speaking. Always stubborn. Always had a bit of temper if pushed by some injustice. 

It is an interesting question, though. I always thought personality was a mix of genetic pre-disposition and environmental factors. I don't consider being overweight as an 'environmental' factor as such, but I guess it could be.


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## NewfieGal (Sep 18, 2011)

I don't think my size has influenced my personality I didn't get bigger till I was a teenager... I have always been part smart part smart ass lol I have always been loving and affectionate and I have always liked to crack jokes and make people smile... even as a kid I was quiet and shy in new situations until I felt comfortable and I am the same today... and I always talked a lot which is not always a good thing but as an adult I have become a much better listener  like has been mentioned though is the thicker skin I used to get easily hurt and now I let it roll off my back I don't get offended or offensive those people who would say things to hurt you obviously don't care about you so they don't matter, no one can hurt you without your permission


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## seavixen (Sep 18, 2011)

Size definitely contributed to my shyness and my unwillingness to accept compliments at face value - I know this because I *loved* attention of any and every kind as a kid, before I went to preschool and was ostracized for being fat. In my teens, on those rare occasions where random guys spoke / flirted / whatever with me, I just assumed they were playing some kind of prank and ignored them. I don't know how many times I was asked out and I assumed it was a joke, when... well, I guess the odds are that it probably wasn't.

I still definitely (mentally) question it when anyone gives me a compliment relating to my appearance, and generally just assume they're either being sarcastic or polite. I don't think that's something I'll ever just get over.

The shyness - I'm not shy externally. I don't exhibit shyness. I'm just internally uncomfortable around people I don't know, who rub me the wrong way, whatever, and I try to avoid situations where this is going to happen a lot... since it sort of makes me want to just run away and hide in the bathroom. Said people have no idea, though, I don't think, since it goes against my whole not-being-rude-or-aloof-toward-people policy. People argue with me when I refer to myself as shy... and have even called me outgoing... so I guess I'm good at hiding it.

That said, my personality is pretty much the same as it's always been. Even if I'm crabby or something, I really can't help but be revoltingly pleasant to be around.  Doesn't have anything to do with my size... I didn't develop a good disposition or sense of humour to cope. I'm just the kind of person who automatically adjusts to the mood / tone / whatever to make everyone the most comfortable.


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## Azrael (Sep 18, 2011)

Size did not change a thing.

Was severely skinny in High School was chubby in elementary school, doesn't matter what size I was people treated me the same.

That being said, the way people did treat me definately contributed to my personnality.


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## LordQuas (Sep 19, 2011)

idontspeakespn said:


> I don't consider being overweight as an 'environmental' factor as such, but I guess it could be.



In our society fat is so heavily villianized that I couldn't imagine how it wouldn't influence nearly every relationship a person has, IMO you could argue it's as pervasive as skin color.


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## CastingPearls (Sep 19, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> In our society fat is so heavily villianized that I couldn't imagine how it wouldn't influence nearly every relationship a person has, IMO you could argue it's as pervasive as skin color.


Here's the thing though--it's generally accepted that one cannot change their skin color (granted--there's always tanning and bleaching) but our culture largely thinks one can change their weight/size regardless of whether or not it's true and because of this, the latter and not the former is considered a moral weakness or character flaw and is judged based on that bias.


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## GlassDaemon (Sep 19, 2011)

It made me mean...er. I remember my school years, particularly middle school, those were years that started to mold my personality because, to be honest, I don't remember having much of a personality in grade school. I remember playing outside and playing with my older brother, but I don't remember having much of an individual thought process if that makes sense. It wasn't till middle school that I started seeking my persona. I was picked on like most big people I'm sure were, my story is no more heartfelt than the next, but I'm sure we each respond differently to the harassment we received for being less than ideal. 

I built a wall and I shoved everyone but my mother and my older brother out of it. That wall morphed into a reflective shield of vocal violence. I don't out right attack people, generally, but it doesn't take much for me to whip out a nasty comment that's not just cruel, it's uncalled for and unnecessary. Of course, it's great that I realize this now, but it's not an easy habit to catch myself doing let alone stop it before it happens. 

I imagine I'm not the only person who has been hit on because some douche bag dared his friend to flirt with the fat chick. So, it's made me paranoid, that paranoia has turned into refusal to trust. Instead of being paranoid I just chose to give the individual the chance but always question their motives. Slight difference, I realize it sounds very similar, lol, just lacking in the fear that comes with paranoia. I don't usually let people get close enough to get hurt I think is the difference.

It's also made me feel like I have to put a warning on my dating profiles. "Warning: Fat girl ahead!" I dunno what the hell that is from but I know it's not a positive thing. 

On a happier note being my size has forced me to either A. Lose weight or B. Accept myself the way I am. I dunno if it's good or bad that I eventually fell into option B. I did try quite hard to lose weight and it frustrated, upset and ultimately stressed me out beyond recognition. I wear a bikini and I feel sexy. I have a theory if I was thin, I'd still be struggling to feel attractive. Just a theory.


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## LovelyLiz (Sep 19, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Here's the thing though--it's generally accepted that one cannot change their skin color (granted--there's always tanning and bleaching) but our culture largely thinks one can change their weight/size regardless of whether or not it's true and because of this, the latter and not the former is considered a moral weakness or character flaw and is judged based on that bias.



This is all true, and worth nuancing how we make the comparison between race and size.

But I still think that there is a real truth to the fact that our embodiment and all of what makes that up (race, disability, size, height, general body shape, facial symmetry, etc.) has a HUGE effect on who we turn out to be, how we relate to others, and how we engage the world. And not just for fat people, but for everybody. We are our bodies (though also more than them), and they affect pretty much everything in our lives.

I think the thing is tho, the same attribute can affect people really differently. Some fat people express becoming shy because they were fat, whereas my instinct was to overcompensate for my feelings of shame or inferiority because of my size by being the hilarious, smart, charismatic one. And I definitely resonate with people who talk about learning compassion and empathy for others who are excluded or judged or mistreated as a result of my own experiences of stigmatization (both real and perceived). But then, just as many fat people go the other way and become angry and bitter and want everyone to feel just as shitty as they do about themselves.

One of my enduring questions is why some people go one way, and some the other, from the same set of experiences.


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## Fat Brian (Sep 19, 2011)

mcbeth said:


> I still think that there is a real truth to the fact that our embodiment and all of what makes that up (race, disability, size, height, general body shape, facial symmetry, etc.) has a HUGE effect on who we turn out to be, how we relate to others, and how we engage the world.



This is so true. I don't post any pics here because I'm not looking for a relationship but this one will be illustrative. I don't have many pics of me by myself on my laptop so I've got company but this one is from the right angle.







I have a huge scar on the left side of my face, I got it when I was four. It goes from just below my chin almost all the way to my left ear, its about another inch longer under my chin than the pic shows. In school I would have gained another hundred pounds if it would have made that scar go away. You think being fat gets you noticed, try being fat and having a giant scar on your face. From very early it was constantly pointed out to me that I was damaged, that everybody could see that something bad had happened to me. When I was young the muscles in my face hadn't compensated for their being cut in two and my smile was very crooked, I never smiled because I got made fun of.

When I was a young teen it was impossible to get the courage up to be romantic/flirtatious toward girls, I felt too self-conscious about my face. Even extremely fat people can get the "but you have such a pretty face" but even my face was marked as different. Its so true that your body effects how you operate in the world. Even though we are more than our vessel it has such a fundamental role in how we experience the world around us.


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## olwen (Sep 19, 2011)

mcbeth said:


> This is all true, and worth nuancing how we make the comparison between race and size.
> 
> But I still think that there is a real truth to the fact that our embodiment and all of what makes that up (race, disability, size, height, general body shape, facial symmetry, etc.) has a HUGE effect on who we turn out to be, how we relate to others, and how we engage the world. And not just for fat people, but for everybody. We are our bodies (though also more than them), and they affect pretty much everything in our lives.
> 
> ...



That is an interesting question. I'm guessing that just comes down to a combination of inherent character traits, and one's upbringing. There was this article in the new york times magazine about how to teach good character to kids. Two schools the bronx, one a charter school in a poor neighborhood and the other a private school in a rich neighborhood both took on this experiment. They came up with a list of 24 character traits that successful people have and found ways to test the students to see where they lacked in character. The results were interesting. They found that optimism, gratitude, self-discipline, openness, and grit were among the traits needed for a successful life. 

So I guess how one approaches life has a lot to do with why people who can have such similar experiences can react so differently. I've always just thought of this as "having good coping skills" rather than something as specific as "optimism," and just thought this was just something innate, rather than something that could be taught. This stuff is so fascinating to me.


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## mithrandirjn (Sep 20, 2011)

I can't say that I was ever very big, but I was definitely one of the chubby kids in grade school. That, combined with being more book smart than street smart/sports smart at that age, meant that I took quite a bit of verbal abuse.

I think this lead to me developing a bit of a thin skin concerning insults and what have you. I mean, obviously, most people don't have a lot of tolerance for being made fun of, but I hit an "I've had it" point at some age. What sucks about that is that it sometimes means feeling uncomfortable hanging out with my friends; it's common for guys to crack jokes at one another's expense, but to do so while remaining friends and meaning it all in fun, yet it's hard for me not to internalize some things that are meant 100% as jokes. 

As I got older, I got somewhat thinner for my size, but I was still big enough in high school to feel very self-conscious in certain situations. It's not like I was a social shut-in, far from it in fact, as by and large I loved high school. But I know full well that I was a late bloomer when it came to romance and sex due to only getting my self confidence in line later in my teens; there were a few very attractive girls in my high school time who talked to me years later asking why I never made a move on them, and I guess part of it was not being sure they really found me attractive, or not really knowing how to, as, again, I was a late bloomer.

Once out of college I wound up initially gaining a bunch of weight (I think the max I hit was around 245), but now I'm down around 195 with added muscle...and I honestly can't tell if it's had much of an effect on my personality. It's a relatively recent development, so maybe time will tell.


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## idontspeakespn (Sep 20, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> In our society fat is so heavily villianized that I couldn't imagine how it wouldn't influence nearly every relationship a person has, IMO you could argue it's as pervasive as skin color.



How you operate in an interpersonal relationship isn't the same thing as your personality. Personality traits can affect your interpersonal relationships, but those aren't interchangeable terms. 
I don't think being stubborn or selfish or sweet-natured is wholly dependent upon size. Traits like introversion are deep-rooted, and include how you perceive and react to immediate situations and to the world overall. Those things don't necessarily have anything to do with how big you are. I'm not saying they don't have any affect, but it really depends on the individual and for me, my personality traits haven't developed in the way they have because I'm big. They have been there since I was a child.


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## LovelyLiz (Sep 20, 2011)

Like a few others said, I also tend to think that if I grew up with a more conventionally "ideal" body type, that I would be a lot more self-centered and unkind. I tie a lot of the qualities I like in myself - my compassion, empathy, desire to build up and encourage others - to a lot of the experiences that came from growing up and living in a fat body. 

But who knows whether this is true. It could just be a way for me to find some redemptive meaning out of something that has been a real struggle at times - as a way to cope and to feel better about a socially rejected aspect of myself. Though, honestly, I think it's more than that - I do think it did shape me in some ways I'm really happy about.


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## wtchmel (Sep 20, 2011)

I'm sure it's affected my personality, its definetly changed my attitude. When i was thin, i seemed to be a different person, very insecure, unsure of myself ,etc. ( some of this could be attributed to age as well though) I do feel that I have more of an attitude, almost a chip on the shoulder type of deal going on, possibly for self preservation living in a society that hates fat people (generally speaking). Whether or not it changes the personality, who knows, but it totally changes how you act. Hmmmm.... good thread.


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## penguin (Sep 21, 2011)

I've been mulling this topic over for a few days now. It seems hard to answer, as I've been fat since I was very young. I was a "normal" young kid, and after I started school I got chubby. I used it as a defence mechanism, I guess. I suppose I was always prone to being overweight, as we didn't have a junk food in the house, and I don't think I overate as a young child, but I was still fatter than my siblings. I wasn't as active as my brothers, but neither was my sister and she was thin.

Would my personality be different if I wasn't fat growing up? Probably. Like others have said, maybe I'd have been bitchier. A friend of mine told me, when I was moving away to another city for university, that she was glad I was fat, because if I'd been thin she was sure I'd have been with the "popular" group at school, which meant she would have missed out on being my friend. Which was a compliment, though it kind of sounds backhanded, and I knew she didn't mean it rudely. 

I wasn't the class clown, but I did use humour upfront to deflect any possible fat attacks, but that wasn't until year 11 that I got the hang of that. I was picked on by other kids basically from years 1-10 (bullying-lite, I call it, as it wasn't severe) and that made me feel like I'd never be wanted, always on the outside, and that I couldn't really trust people. Two of my friends in year 9 started calling me "Fatness" out of affection, and I never found the strength to tell them I hated it. They thought they were being cute. But they were pretty popular at that school, and I wanted people to like me, so I let it slide. I pretended it didn't bother me. 

I had the usual "oh you'd be such a stunner if you just lost the weight" from people, so I always had the message coming in that I was never good enough as I was, that men wouldn't want to be with me. At least, not if they had taste. I learnt not to let guys know I had crushes on them, because of one time one of the REALLY cool guys came up to tell me he heard I liked him, and he laughed and told me to stop, because it was never going to happen. If any guys did like me then, I had no idea about it, and they certainly never let me know. So I learnt that I was always the friend, nothing more. 

I learnt that to a lot of people, who I am as a person is secondary to what I look like. Would that be the same if I was conventionally attractive? Would they describe me as the girl with red hair, or the girl with big boobs? I was described as the fat girl by people who couldn't remember my name, as I was the fattest person at every place I worked, even though I was usually the only redhead. 

One thing I realised when I was about 18 was that I was afraid of being forgotten. I was afraid of being invisible. I realised this after I read an article on anorexics, and how a lot of them WANT to be invisible, to not be seen. Had I subconsciously been doing what I could to make myself memorable all these years, because I wasn't sure I could rely on my personality to do that? I had a fear of being left behind and forgotten since I was a young kid, so that obviously carried through as I got older. Being fat certainly made me stand out. But I never felt special in a good way. People remembered who I was, but I didn't like what they remembered. They didn't remember my personality or my sense of humour, just that I was fat. 

I don't know if I was using my weight to keep others away, to build a literal wall around me to match the emotional wall I'd built, or if it was a by product of me building that emotional wall. Even amongst my closest friends, I felt a step apart from them, and even do now. It's hard for me to get close to people and to feel like I'm wanted by them. I keep myself one step back, just to be safe. I don't like that I do that, but it's a life long habit and it's hard to break. 

If I had been thin growing up, if I'd lost the weight all those times I tried, would I be different? Would I have found my self confidence earlier in life? Would I have taken more chances, had less of a fear of failure? Is my weight the reason for my insecurities and doubts, or would I still have body insecurities? I don't know. I don't think it's a question that can be answered. If you were thin and then fat, or fat and then thin, you'll still have the insecurities, doubts and self esteem issues you had before the change, probably with some more thrown in.

I know that I can appreciate myself and my body more now than I when I was younger, even though when I was 18 I joked that my sister could shoot me if I ever got this fat, because back then, being this fat was a living embodiment of failure to me. 

My body isn't who I am, and I don't like having my worth as a person based on it, but I suppose no one does. I don't know how my personality would have developed if I hadn't been a fat kid, but I was, and I can see how it affected me. It might have affected me differently if my family had been more supportive, who knows. Whether my weight affected me positively or negatively, I am who I am and I've never known what it's like to be anything different.

tl;dr I have a lot of feelings.


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## LordQuas (Sep 26, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Here's the thing though--it's generally accepted that one cannot change their skin color (granted--there's always tanning and bleaching) but our culture largely thinks one can change their weight/size regardless of whether or not it's true and because of this, the latter and not the former is considered a moral weakness or character flaw and is judged based on that bias.



I'm not disputing that point at all, I was just saying that being a person or color or being big unfortunately causes a lot of people to make assumptions that often never fully go away no matter what you do to "prove" yourself.


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## LovelyLiz (Sep 26, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> I'm not disputing that point at all, I was just saying that being a person or color or being big unfortunately causes a lot of people to make assumptions that often never fully go away no matter what you do to "prove" yourself.



Yeah, and even the feeling that you _have to_ "prove" yourself is a point of commonality, and can really affect how someone interacts or behaves.


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## yoopergirl (Sep 26, 2011)

Fat Brian said:


> I think this is a great question. I know my size has played a large part in who I am today. It forced me to be funny and quick witted, but it also made me shy and for far too long afraid to take chances. It made me hesitant in pursuing romantic relationships, but it also gave me an interesting perspective on people and their motivations. I'm sure I'll never know all of the ways it has molded me because I've never been thin to see the world differently.



A great answer, which I completely agree with. And I know a couple of previous posters commented on how they have issues accepting compliments at face value, which I do as well. I also find it a major struggle to simply take a compliment without making a self-depricating joke afterward. (I'm working very hard on learning to smile & say thank you instead of blowing it off.)

I think my weight also played a big part in how I related to my family, who are all a bunch of sports nuts. My four younger siblings played hockey, football, basketball, baseball, did cheerleading and dance...pretty much everything they could get into...and my parents (who had both been athletes when they were younger) coached a number of their teams. None of them were exactly tiny, but having been born with no functioning thyroid and major metabolism issues, I've always been bigger than the rest of the crew. When I was in elementary school, I attempted a few sports to please my family, but I was embarrassed and eventually stopped joining teams, making me the family's only "non-jock." I didn't feel any less loved, persay, but there was definitely a lack of connection that the rest of them shared.

On the other hand, my "non-jock" status also fueled my drive to succeed academically. I had always loved to read, and did well in school, but as I got older I got it in my head that if I couldn't be good at sports, I had to be good at everything else - I pushed and made the grades, joined almost every non-athletic extra-curricular our tiny high school had to offer, and made good enough grades that my scholarships & grants paid for almost all of my college education. So there was a definite upside. 

Wow, I talk (er, type) a lot. Sorry. :blush:


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## EMH1701 (Sep 29, 2011)

Very much so. I got a lot of emotional abuse growing up, so I learned not to trust people. 

The people who I do trust, I've either know for at least several years or they are relatives.

I'm very introverted but in the working world, companies reject the shy people, literally. If you don't at least pretend to like your co-workers, you get punished for being an introvert. So I learned to fake it, because it was either that or not have a pay check as a temp. Companies do not treat shy people well. We must pretend to be social butterflies, no matter how painful that may be or how drained we feel at the end of the day. Otherwise, we are the weird geeky person in the group and no one wants to hire the weird geeky person.

I will say that because of this, I have a lot of empathy for other people. So I'm a social moderate. However, it's odd because I do happen to agree with conservatives on fiscal policies. I just strongly disagree with anything conservatives believe on religious issues because I'm not a religious person, another consequence of the emotional abuse I got while growing up.


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## Seda (Oct 3, 2011)

Being charming, funny, intelligent and beautiful are inherited traits (for me). Now there's just a bigger version of me.


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## KHayes666 (Oct 3, 2011)

yoopergirl said:


> A great answer, which I completely agree with. And I know a couple of previous posters commented on how they have issues accepting compliments at face value, which I do as well. I also find it a major struggle to simply take a compliment without making a self-depricating joke afterward. (I'm working very hard on learning to smile & say thank you instead of blowing it off.)
> 
> *I think my weight also played a big part in how I related to my family, who are all a bunch of sports nuts. My four younger siblings played hockey, football, basketball, baseball, did cheerleading and dance...pretty much everything they could get into...and my parents (who had both been athletes when they were younger) coached a number of their teams. None of them were exactly tiny, but having been born with no functioning thyroid and major metabolism issues, I've always been bigger than the rest of the crew. When I was in elementary school, I attempted a few sports to please my family, but I was embarrassed and eventually stopped joining teams, making me the family's only "non-jock." I didn't feel any less loved, persay, but there was definitely a lack of connection that the rest of them shared.
> *
> ...



Now THAT'S perfect


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## Hathor (Oct 3, 2011)

I think this is a great topic and I loved reading everyone's replies. 

It certainly has played a large part in my personality. Growing up I felt unloved, unaccepted, and actually did my best to become invisible. I was forced to be outgoing when I went to regular school and so I was able to make friends easily. Even now as an introvert I can still make friends easily. I simply act like one of the guys and I do my best to not draw attention to myself. It's just how I've become. 

I endured the years of teasing and bullying as the result of being fat, so now that I'm older I have a more take charge sort of personality and I don't take crap from anyone. I get shit done. Me being fat is just me now. 

I remember the line in "Shallow Hal" about being fat forces you to develop a personality. I actually tend to agree with that because I didn't want my issues with my body to take over my life, so I forged on ahead. Honestly, if I wasn't fat nearly my whole life I doubt I'd be who I am today. In a way, I'm thankful for that because being fat has certainly kept things in perspective and I'm growing to love my body.


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## Clonenumber47 (Oct 6, 2011)

Very much so. I have never been considered a small person by any standards.

Let me start by saying, I know there other people out there that have had a much harder time than I have. It is not my intention to downplay anything other people have gone through.

I have always been big for my age. I was 5'9 and about 170 by the time I got in the 8th grade. People only considered me overweight, instead of saying fat for the most part. But it was my height that grabbed so many people's attention, and since I had their attention, my weight was the easiest target about me.

All of that mixed with the regular social awkwardness made for a completely awful and regularly heckled middle and high school experience. Kids can be cruel, especially at that age. I was made fun of in and out of class on a regular basis. By the time Senior year came around I ate lunch by myself in one of my classrooms. 

Today, I am 6'3, 270lbs. I still look overweight, but I really grew into the rest of my features.

As hard as it was to go through those days, it helped me grow a thick skin to all of the comments, some I still hear from day to day.

I do not regret it though. I can now sympathize with anyone going through an awkward acceptance stage. I know how it feels to be the outcast, and so I will always be there to help and coach others like me.


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## joyful_laughter (Oct 6, 2011)

I'm not sure that it influenced my personality. My behaviors? Sure. And I've worked to get over some, some I am still working on - mostly around men. I used to be quite shy in high school because of insecurity (but was about a size 14-16 then, a few sizes bigger now), and then became more confident after high school and on. Now I pretty much only struggle with insecurity around guys I find attractive. I still try to go for it but it hasn't been successful. I'm not a good flirt because I didn't really get practice at it and am hindered by the "oh man, what if he finds out I like him and he or other people laugh about it?" left overs from school age days. I don't think that's a personality thing though.

I think my personality has always been the same though. Everyone goes through developments of these traits and they come out in different ways, so it may seem like you were radically different in different stages of life, but I think that in the end there's usually a running "baseline" of personality. I've always been more introverted and analytical. I've always preferred more low-key activities than energetic ones. I've always been laid-back in social relationships. I've always liked to achieve goals/slight perfectionist, even if I was more bratty and stubborn about it as a child than I am now. It just morphed into something more positive (thank god! ).

I do think sometimes people do have behaviors to deflect feelings about being fat. For instance, how awkward I am around attractive men, or I have a lot of overweight female friends that have a "I'm a big diva and proud" thing going on, which I think is sometimes true personality and sometimes a front. Same with thin girls..some are like "I am soo fabulous" and it's real personality or it is also a front for insecurities. Who knows?

Sometimes I wonder the opposite question, though: does/did my personality affect my weight? Hmm. I know there's lively and energetic overweight/fat people but I still wonder if being more laid-back and preferences for low-key activities for whatever reasons affect all that.


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## spacce (Oct 6, 2011)

I think its made me a more honest person towards people, sometimes even towards myself...I don't like my weight but I realize that I am going to be a larger person, and I'm working on getting better in shape. I want to be healthy not just thinner..

also my view on all kinds of people.. after reading the biology of it, and doing my research, most people really don't get larger people.. 

if I was thinner or thin, I don't think I would appreciate my relationships with people as well.. I am odd one and I get along with most people, but I usually hide the inner me until I get to know people.. as a friend just recently told me, I don't care how unsober you get, you're family,so don't worry what we think.


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## joyful_laughter (Oct 6, 2011)

I hide a bit too until I get to know people better (or, well, I just speak up less - when I do, I'm pretty much say whatever I would say normally haha), but I know there are a lot of thin people that do that too. So, is it a weight thing or just a general personality thing? Maybe an outcropping of any sort of insecurity when a person is younger. I don't really know.


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## lovelocs (Oct 8, 2011)

PunkyGurly74 said:


> I think it has played a role in crafting certain aspects of my life.....such as flirting, body space and keeping a safe distance. I have had far more negative experiences due to my weight than positive that I avoid bars, I am constantly aware of my body space and never want a guy to think I am hitting on him...least he bolt..like once again recently. Asked a guy at the dog park, who owns an auction business if he could look at an antique desk...He thought I was hitting on him..now every time I come to the dog park..he runs!
> 
> So, I have little desire to be a flirt, be a sexual being or god help me, stand too close to someone...so, close relationships suffer or I just don't have them.....so,my personality has been shaped by a lack of dating, relationships and love.
> 
> So, I become the funny girl who is full of stories and trivia. How freakin' exciting is that?? Whooo and hooo!




WHAT IS IT WITH THIS?!?!?

So many times, I've been simply trying to ask a man a question, or talk to him about something like the news, or current events, only to have him make the "raisin face" and back off. Usually the guy is unremarkable at best, or homely at worst. I've actually thought about making a shirt that reads "relax, I'm not hitting on you," and wearing it when I go out.I don't know what it is about me...

I wasn't always fat. In fact, I didn't gain significant weight until my senior year of college. I had plenty of reasons to be shy, however. I grew up poor, sickly, and funny looking, but I was in special programs for most of my schooling, and went to school with affluent kids, for the most part. I developed a persona: I was the one folks liked well enough, and certainly respected, but you'd have to be crazy to hang out with me after class. Never really shook it...


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## joyful_laughter (Oct 8, 2011)

Ah, I think that "relax, I'm not hitting on you" thing is what keeps me so awkward with guys sometimes...because I don't want that reaction of "ew why are you talking to me?"! 
I have to say I haven't really had that reaction in my adult life with guys, but I haven't been chatting up random guys at bars or whatever either - guys I talk to are usually in my social circle in some fashion. So, I think they're less likely to do that. But, yeah, that is super annoying! 
And even if I were hitting on you, how about you just be flattered that a lady finds you attractive and move on? Bah. :doh:


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## LordQuas (Oct 14, 2011)

Do men really assume that any big girl that talks to them is hitting on them? Because assuming that every skinny woman that talks to me is hitting on me seems completely ridiculous. I've been told this by a lot of women but I can't really ever say I've SEEN it happen simply because when I'm out hitting on women I could care less what other guys are doing as long as they aren't in my way. 
Sadly it makes sense though, its a defense mechanism insecure men use in order to not feel like every encounter with a woman that doesnt lead to sex has been a rejection.


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## olwen (Oct 15, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> Do men really assume that any big girl that talks to them is hitting on them? Because assuming that every skinny woman that talks to me is hitting on me seems completely ridiculous. I've been told this by a lot of women but I can't really ever say I've SEEN it happen simply because when I'm out hitting on women I could care less what other guys are doing as long as they aren't in my way.
> Sadly it makes sense though, its a defense mechanism insecure men use in order to not feel like every encounter with a woman that doesnt lead to sex has been a rejection.



This hasn't happened to me since high school so I hadn't thought of this as a reaction from guys for decades, but I would assume that the guy simply hates fat people and doesn't want anyone to think he's with one. 

Long ago, I worked in a bookstore with one of my best male friends. We were only friends, and one day we were both at the information desk, which had two computers. It was hot and there was no AC so there were fans everywhere. This one industrial fan was blowing his long hair in my face. I was helping a customer and typing and didn't want to stop and break my stride to move his hair away since it was a really busy saturday and there was a long line. The guy I was helping had this weird look on his face, pointed to the two of us and actually said "What the hell is going on here?" I was kinda shocked, annoyed, and confused by the question. I honestly didn't know if he asked it because I'm black and my friend was white, or because of my size, but my friend just smirked and said "None of your business. Who's next?" The guy backed off, but still. Why ask such a dumb rude question in the first place? After that my friend said he found it amusing that people would think we were a couple when we hung out and that they would be horrified by that. I agree, kind of. It is amusing, but annoying at the same time.


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## Victoria08 (Oct 22, 2011)

I don't necessarily think my size influenced my personality or behaviour that much, but the actions/comments from other people definitely influenced how I behave. When I was a kid, I had no idea that I was 'different' from everyone else and once all of those negative things were pointed out to me, I do think I changed how I acted. I was very closed off from people because there was this intense feeling of being unworthy and, for a 10 year old, that is a really shitty way to feel.
A lot of the behaviours that I learned as a child have carried through to my adult life, such as my unwillingness to trust people. I literally had someone point out to me that a guy was showing interest in me because I genuinely had no idea that someone would even think of me in that way - I was completely oblivious. 
So, I really don't think it's my size or weight that has made me behave this way today - I think it's more how the interactions and events that I went through growing up that have been the biggest influence in my behaviour as an adult. That being said, because I am very aware of my body today, I do get very defensive and suspicious of a lot of people because they _do_ look at me funny, or they treat me differently. I don't think I would behave that way if I wasn't big.


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## khrestel (Oct 26, 2011)

Sure it has molded me, both for better and for worse. It has made me a kind of a perfectionist. From as early as I can remember I've been trying to make up for my weight by being good at school, having multiple hobbies, being active, taking care of others. I consider those good qualities in a person in general but this has also lead to situations where I sacrifice my own well-being, sleep, bank account and what more just to keep up that "she can handle everything" -reputation. Just to make others forget I'm fat.

It has also affected my career choise tho I do not really have a career yet. Singing, acting and dancing have always been something I love and something I'm good at. However I took a safer road and started to go towards engineering at an early stage because I didn't believe I would ever succeed or be taken seriously fat. And for some reason even at that early age I never believed I could become thin enough adult either. 

And romance. The few moves I've ever had the courage to make had horrible results. In all the cases I was left with a feeling it's insulting to be had a crush on by me. I wouldn't be married today if it was up to me to make the move. Before this it took me a while to realise that I am allowed to say no and there might be something better coming. I don't have to take any idiot who's willing to oversee my flaws (my fat).


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