# For want of a better term - Coming out of the Closet!



## satellite (Sep 3, 2010)

Hey dims.

I'm an 18 y/o FA still at high school in Australia.
Now I don't mind having a 'slim' partner, but I would much rather have a bigger one (personality going, of course). I have had a few GFs before, but none really of the body type I would want - however that is mainly due to personality than anything else. Yes, it is a preference, I don't mind that much, but I do love the fatties 

So the problem is acceptance at high school. I would be able to have a fairly large GF and just cast aside things people will say, but I think I would be able to do everyone a favour if I just 'came out' about my preferences. To some people this may not seem a big deal, but at a high school where you are constantly judged and there are very few larger people in the entire school, it is hard. I have not even told my best friend(s) about my preference... anyone for that matter. They are good people, but there is a lot of 'fat hate'.

Now if I do find a nice big girl that I do like, I am hoping I would be able to 'come out' about my prefence if I did ask her out. I really think that telling people my prefence rather than dating and being sledged constantly for, etc 'being desperate' for wanting a larger GF (this has happened to a few people I knew) would be a much easier option.

So my question is, how should I 'come out' about telling my friends (other people can think what they want, I don't care) about my preference... should I tell my best friend first, see what he thinks or something... and yeah, I guess that's it for now :doh: hope that made sense.


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## Durin (Sep 3, 2010)

How about you look for the girl that you like and tell anyone else to take a long walk off a short pier if they give you shit about it. 

I am guessing that it won't be nearly as troublesome as your imagination can imagine. 

Good Luck!


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## Amaranthine (Sep 3, 2010)

I just got out of high school, and I was totally open about my preferences with my friends. It was just a pain to be in the closet about it. They teased me about it, yes...but, they were my friends so it was all lighthearted. I had my fair share of blushing moments, but no short term or long term damage. 

In the end it's not really that big a deal- just date who you're attracted to- I guarantee that you'll make them feel great about themselves...and if you care about them, that's the only opinion that should matter :happy:


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## QueenLizard (Sep 3, 2010)

I'm at uni and there is a lot more fat acceptance than when I was at school (though I went to an all-girls school and anyone being fat or dating a fat person was considered disgusting). I'm an FFA and I have found that it isn't strictly necessary to tell anyone about your preference unless challenged. I did tell a few friends in school that was only because they were keen to set me up with a really skinny guy. There was a little teasing and they didn't really understand but they were very accepting and kind and didn't look down at me at all. If the people you choose to tell are your real friends they won't look at you any differently and if they make your life a misery or try to then you can hold your head high knowing you have some integrity and the courage to be different. Easier said than done, but being true to yourself will make you feel a whole let better in the long run. If you decide to keep it to yourself and find the right girl, most people will most likely ignore it and not say anything. Some idiots will try to make you feel bad about it. I have a wonderful round boyfriend and whenever someone gives me grief about his weight I calmly tell them that to me he is the most gorgeous man in the world to me and that his waistline is none of their business. That usually shuts them up. If someone asks in a curious way about why you are with a larger girl then there is no reason just to explain that you think your girl is beautiful and leave it at that. At the end of the day, your preferences are your own private business and you don't owe an explanation to anyone. When you really love and care for your partner noone in the can make you feel ashamed or belittled for wanting them. 
This said, I have a problem of a similar nature. I love my boyfriend's body but he doesn't know of my preference for big guys and he is constantly worrying over his weight thinking he is repulsing me and that I am putting up with him and couldn't possibly be happy with the way he looks, etc. I tell him all the time that I think he is sexy and handsome and can't keep my hands off him most of the time but he doesn't believe me when I tell him how attractive he is. Should I tell him that I like him chubby and that I'm a fat admirer? I don't want to offend him and make him think I am only with him because he is fat (which he will because he has the worst self esteem in anyone I know). But at the same time I want him to know that I love his shape and if he puts on a few now and then I am really turned on by it and not repulsed at all. What are your thoughts?


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## blubberismanly (Sep 3, 2010)

Yay and congrats for entering the world of openly fat enjoying. A good time will be had by you.


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## The Orange Mage (Sep 3, 2010)

High school is not the best place to be an FA, for sure. Even if you're out, even if you're not given ANY shit about it, you've still got the hurdle of finding a partner who will actually like the _idea_ of having an FA interested in them. My high school of nearly 1500 kids didn't have any girls who would possibly be okay with the concept _and_ were anywhere near my type, but then again I am unapologetically a SSBBW-admirer and they are simply rare in high school, so your mileage may vary.

Just don't get too down about it. There _are_ people who make a good fit with us FAs and FFAs. It just takes a bit of searching.


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## iglooboy55 (Sep 4, 2010)

And if you do find a girl that you dig, when you tell her she's beautiful she'll throw it right back in your face, because the world around her has told you she's not. Being a young fa is never easy.
To answer your question, don't make it out to be a big deal. I, for one, refer to myself as an ass man, i.e. large asses rock. As long as no crazy fetishes are involved, you shouldn't be worried too much. Everyone's kinky in one way or another.


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## satellite (Sep 4, 2010)

Thanks for the responses.
And, well, it seems everyone thinks fairly differently about the whole 'closet' thing. Again thanks for replying, but still I'm really not sure what I should do, because I don't even have any big friends for starters, and maybe if I came out about it now and didn't even meet anyone plus sized for a while after high school, it may just cause annoyance from people sledging out on me (which I have no doubt will happen, I can deal with it, as it has been said its not too big of a deal but there may be no point if I do not meet anyone until later).

I'm just sick and tired of all the general fat hate in teens. I don't want to try and play along when someone (even my friends, yes) pay out on big girl. I think, though, even though there is that fat hate from my best friend as well, I think I should still tell him - he will definately be accepting of it, but I don't know if I should. Still, these responses have given me a bit more confidence in it. Thanks all.


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## musicman (Sep 4, 2010)

satellite said:


> I'm just sick and tired of all the general fat hate in teens. I don't want to try and play along when someone (even my friends, yes) pay out on big girl. I think, though, even though there is that fat hate from my best friend as well, I think I should still tell him - he will definately be accepting of it, but I don't know if I should. Still, these responses have given me a bit more confidence in it. Thanks all.




High school is, unfortunately, a time when most people just want to fit in. That alone explains a lot of the crap that happens. I applaud you for wanting to stand up against all the fat prejudice you see. I think a lot of people go along with "fat hate" because they think it is a popular and accepted attitude. Fat prejudice has been called the "last acceptable prejudice". (Obviously, we here don't think that is right.) If your friends are good people, perhaps that is what they are doing. If you gently "correct" them, you might help them see the wrong in what they are saying. If they won't change, then you might consider finding new friends.

As for telling people about your preference, I think that depends on how outgoing you are. There is no requirement to tell anyone. Do it if you want to. Actions always speak louder than words. If your friends see you dating only fat women, they will get the message. If they accept it, they are good friends. If not, then look for new friends.

By the way, standing up against fat hate is something we should all do, just because it's right. That is more or less independent of the fact that you like fat women. In other words, you don't have to declare your preference just to stop people from making crude fat jokes. But as I said above, coming out can be a good "friend test". 

Good luck in your decisions, and don't worry too much about them at this point. As others have said, the world after high school is usually better than HS, and much different, as you will find out.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Sep 4, 2010)

satellite said:


> Thanks for the responses.
> And, well, it seems everyone thinks fairly differently about the whole 'closet' thing. Again thanks for replying, but still I'm really not sure what I should do, because I don't even have any big friends for starters, and maybe if I came out about it now and didn't even meet anyone plus sized for a while after high school, it may just cause annoyance from people sledging out on me (which I have no doubt will happen, I can deal with it, as it has been said its not too big of a deal but there may be no point if I do not meet anyone until later).
> 
> I'm just sick and tired of all the general fat hate in teens. I don't want to try and play along when someone (even my friends, yes) pay out on big girl. I think, though, even though there is that fat hate from my best friend as well, I think I should still tell him - he will definately be accepting of it, but I don't know if I should. Still, these responses have given me a bit more confidence in it. Thanks all.



The sad thing about high school is that teenagers are extremely worried about being accepted by others. My advice is be yourself. You don't have to tell everyone that you love fat women. But stand tall and be yourself. There is no need to hide yourself or to be ashamed of being an FA.


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## sfpaul (Sep 5, 2010)

I'd like to congratulate you, because it sounds as if you have figured out what you want in a mate. Figuring out what you want is the most crucial part of getting it. 

I can't tell you for certain whether it is better to state your preference or simply act on it. I can tell you that there are people who despise certainty no matter what it is you're certain about. So you should prepare yourself for the idea that people will talk. There will always be people who are threatened by the things they don't understand. High School is full of people looking for acceptance from external sources. Being open about the fact that you're different probably won't earn you a ticker tape parade. But if you're sure of what you want and you hold your head high you'll eventually find people who respect you for it. 

Don't be afraid of the consequences of chasing something if you know you want it.


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## Webmaster (Sep 5, 2010)

My son just started high school, and so I attended his school's first football game of the season. They have a nice facility and attendance was great. It reminded me what the scene was when I went through that phase of my life. There was the endless parading of groups of fashionably dressed cliques of very slender girls. There were the junior varsity and varsity football jocks acting tough and manly. There were the almost uniformly slender and spritely cheerleaders doing their thing. And there were the 30- and 40-something moms of the high school girls and most were almost twice the size or more. 

For the kids, to fit into the peer-pressure regulated pecking order of high school is just brutal. Sure, we can pontificate how peer pressure doesn't matter, that it's shallow to let such things affect one's choice of date, and so on and so on. But the reality is that sometimes a single fashion item or gadget can determine whether you're with the in-crowd or not. Being true to yourself and your wants and needs in high school is probably more difficult than things will ever be later in one's life.


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 6, 2010)

In high school, I was one of the slender, fashionably dressed girls. The thought of wearing, being, doing anything that would set me apart from the crowd was utterly terrifying to me, despite the fact that I was seldom accepted, and usually just ignored, by the "in" crowd. 

I remember that sense of terror at being outed as different. And I remember, with shame, that I wasn't always kind to other outcasts. Even when it made me sad or uncomfortable, I seldom turned down the opportunity to seek an "in" if making fun of someone even more awkward than I would grant me a temporary reprieve from being the kid that was made fun of. I would never have dated an unpopular kid. That speaks volumes about me -- about how crippled I was by fear, how insecure I was, and how much I hated any part of myself that stood apart. There were times when I had no friends at all, and that was my fault: I rejected friendly overtures from people who stood apart from the herd.

All of that stopped being important to me by my 2nd year of college, and life became a lot easier. Nothing, absolutely nothing, that mattered to me in high school is at all important now. 

OP, my advise to you is different (gentler) than it usually would be, because you are so young. You haven't mentioned that you're ashamed of "coming out" -- but what strikes me is, why come out at all? Why not just date who you like, and make it known by your actions that, to you, she's beautiful? You don't owe it to your friends, your detractors, or anyone else, to explain your preference. 

The only suggestion I would make it to please, please, do not date at all if you aren't ready to proudly display your choice on your arm. If there's any shame at all, you aren't ready to date, and that shame could visit real harm upon the other person. Very few people have the strength and the fortitude to follow a moral compass in high school, and that's understandable (although regrettable). To this day, I feel residual shame when I think of the thoughtlessly cruel things I said or did to my peers. Much of it was reactive -- an attempt to protect myself from being made more of a target than I already was. If I had it to do over again, I'd have spent a lot less time worrying about what others thought of me (none at all, in fact) and a lot more time being true to myself, and resultingly kinder to everyone.


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## Naddynadnad (Sep 7, 2010)

Why should they care?
At the end of the day it's your life and if your friends can't accept it then they're not worth bothering with.


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## Blockierer (Sep 7, 2010)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> The sad thing about high school is that teenagers are extremely worried about being accepted by others. My advice is be yourself. You don't have to tell everyone that you love fat women. But stand tall and be yourself. There is no need to hide yourself or to be ashamed of being an FA.


I completely agree.
Live your life and I'm sure after the first holding hands with your (future) fattie in public you will feel proud and very happy. The first step is the hardest.


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## satellite (Sep 11, 2010)

Wow! Thanks for even more responses all!
This has actually really helped me out here. And no I would not be ashamed of it, nor would I try to hide any person I dated from anymore. I'm just not sure if I can take the crap I will get... but from all the responses I'm sure I can work it out 
Big thanks guys :bow:


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## RedVelvet (Sep 11, 2010)

Another thing to consider is just...perspective. Which is harder...being ridiculed a bit for liking someone out of the ordinary...or being a PERSON who is out of the ordinary? 

I don't even mean that in a "it's harder for me so buck up" kinda way..I'm just saying that perspective often diffuses fretting, yanno?

I was thinnish in high school, and very very goth (in the 80's, no less)...so I was concerned with a very tiny peer group of gothy/punkrock types...naturally more accepting in general, albeit with their own set of rules and aesthetics. Still...Oh boy, it took me two HOURS to get ready every morning....I had to look amazing. Let's not even talk about the hair.

So, I get it. I really do. Just bare in mind that the slightest bit of doubt on your part will, absolutely, positively, be felt by your girl. Bummer for you, I know, and a hard row to hoe..but worth the growing it will take in the long run?

I wish you happiness!


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## bmann0413 (Sep 13, 2010)

I can only tell you two words of encouragement: BE YOURSELF.


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## nykspree8 (Sep 17, 2010)

bmann0413 said:


> I can only tell you two words of encouragement: BE YOURSELF.



Wise words. 

Don't worry about what other people think and just think you could be trying coming out of the closet in a homosexual way, that would be much worse lol. But seriously, you like fat chicks, so what? If you see a big girl in school you like, ask her out, simple as that. If your friends say anything, be like, hey i like big girls. There is no further explanation needed, it's what you like and they aren't dating that person, you are lol. But, like it's been said in other threads, don't start off with, "i like fat chicks", as your pick up line cause you might scare someone away. I always bring that up to my dates or gf's sometime later, like, "yeah i'm not attracted to skinny girls", then usually questions will ensue and i'll explain my preferences and they get the picture...if they're already not into the whole bbw/fa scene that is.


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## Adrian (Sep 18, 2010)

Durin said:


> How about you look for the girl that you like and tell anyone else to take a long walk off a short pier if they give you shit about it.


That would be my approach also. I have also commented to people I am acquainted with, "what I consider desirable in a woman is not an issue, to anyone minding their own business!"


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