# I *hate* talking to my family about how I'm doing / my health



## stickypistil (Jul 13, 2014)

Does anyone else suffer from this? Ugh.

I just got off the phone with my mother. The situation kind of forced me to admit to her how I am doing. I hated it. Every single second of it was cringe-worthy to me. 

I hate talking to my family about how I'm doing and my mental health, because to me my parents are pretty much perfect. They don't have the struggles I do. If they had struggles with something in the past, they've gotten over them. If they do have certain struggles now, they magically don't let them interfere with their life in any way. I have always felt woefully inadequate compared to my parents in life. I've always felt like a failure in their eyes.

In the course of my life I've known people who came from families where really bad stuff happened, families in which the parents were awful or absent, neglectful or abusive. I cannot imagine what they must have been like to deal with. I myself had many struggles growing up, but when it came to my family my struggles had nothing to do with abuse or neglect. 

Does anybody else have parents or families that are so perfect? Whose upper middle class town and cars and jobs and lawn and house and whose appearance to the world, and Everything are just so frigging perfect?? They just seem to do everything right. While no matter what I do, how smart I am, or how good I happen to be at something, I still have problems that will always be with me, and I and still feel like the failure.


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## Saisha (Jul 13, 2014)

Gentle hugs to you....

Take a deep breath and remember, you are not your parents, you are *you.*

Focus on that.

You are more dynamic, real, and healthier (imho) than people who live in perfect little bubbles - therefore, you have that much more to offer to the world. 

Your strength lies in that you recognize how artificial things are - and you refuse to bend or conform to that. I don't think they could walk in your shoes for even just a few steps.

Your only failure is when you give up on yourself. And you care too much about yourself to do that. Don't ever give up on yourself. Remember, you are human and are allowed to be human and have an off moment or day or time of it every so often.You are taking steps to improve yourself. Shout it to the world when you want or feel like it "I have accomplished so much because I am working on being a better me for me - not for anyone else!" Every step you take on your road in life is something to celebrate - even if you step backwards, slide this way and that, fall off the path. What matters is that you get back on that path and keep going. Always keep going. That is all we have in life. Keep going. Never give up. Because no one else is going to do it for you.


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## stickypistil (Jul 15, 2014)

You are right, Saisha. I am not my parents. I am me. 

I am grateful for all the opportunities I've had in life. My parents have done a lot for us and provided my family with a good life and education. It all means a lot to me to know the ways in which my parents have helped me and still help me. I know they care even though it is difficult for them dealing with the one who doesn't follow suit as they would have hoped--yeah that would be Me! 

Dealing with the type of perfection that I do not currently emulate (and may never even want to emulate) in my own life, is pretty stultifying.

The funny thing is, in the past couple of years I've learned a lot more about myself, grown into myself and my own talents. Though for a long time I've felt like I was a failure in their eyes, ironically I myself inside have always been VERY afraid of failing, ever since I was a child. That kept me from doing / trying so many things. Opening myself up to my own interests, and working through my own fears of failing, has been a blessing. My view of myself is so much richer now because of that, and I value myself more! 

Yes, the most important thing is not giving up on myself. I will always be unconventional, I will have failures and setbacks, and I may take a roundabout way to get to my destination, but I will definitely get there. I am committed to enjoying the journey more and believing I can do it!

Thank you so much for your kind and caring words!!!


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## Yakatori (Jul 16, 2014)

stickypistil said:


> ...situation kind of forced me to admit to her how I am doing....


Then, try to keep in mind the subtle differences: Between what's _kind-of_ versus what is. And _admitting_, per se, versus _expounding-upon_. 



stickypistil said:


> I hated it. Every single second of it was cringe-worthy to me....I hate talking to my family about..


Probably not a good idea then, unless absolutely necessary. Or for some specific higher purpose. 

And, honestly, maybe you can say the same for (some) friends as well. Not that it's an either/or type of scenario, but, especially when it comes to stuff like this, you ought be considering if there's someone better qualified to appreciate your concerns. From time to time. 



stickypistil said:


> "_...I've always felt like....in their eyes._"


To me, this has an overall feel of projection.



stickypistil said:


> "_Does anybody else have parents or families that are so perfect? Whose upper middle class town and cars and jobs and lawn and house and whose appearance to the world, and Everything are just so frigging perfect?? They just *seem to* do everything right..._"


Ah...I would agree that there are people who sort of resemble this, as a basic idea, even in front of many of their peers. But's not how any normal, healthy person sees themself. Most people, in one form or another, are chasing some sort of ideal, something they hold above or outside of themselves.

At least that's what I think....


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## Shan34 (Jul 18, 2014)

Yes. I've already decided that I will not volunteer any info unless I'm dying. I'm just stubborn or private or whatever, but ultimately I feel like it's nobody's business. It's my life and I will handle it. Not sure this is helpful to you, but that's how I deal with family lol


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## CastingPearls (Jul 18, 2014)

I stopped talking to my family a year ago and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Painful to go No Contact, hard, at times lonely, but worth the peace. If you're not financially dependent on them and they're really toxic, it's an option.


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