# "I'm good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to date"



## lipmixgirl (Apr 4, 2006)

for some reason,this sentiment keeps echoing throughout my discourses, personal life and research... 

what about this platform??? how many people getting off dimensions and meeting up in real life??? personals sites... match.com? eharmony? lavalife? OKCupid? dances??? cruises??? etc???? what are these forums for fat acceptance yielding??? 

so, what is the deal??? am i imagining this? is this isolated??? are all these fa's closeted??? do they think that fat women are just so desperate and an easy lay??? 

predatory behavior??? sheer embarrassment??? out & proud fa's???? happily ever after relationships??? 

ladies and gentlemen, your thoughts and experiences???? 

hit me back...


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## Mini (Apr 4, 2006)

Sorry, what was the question?


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## decibel (Apr 4, 2006)

thats either one very disjointed rant, or a thousand questions that i dont care to answer... focus girl, focus!


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## babyjeep21 (Apr 4, 2006)

I think that she is looking for some kind of comments based on everyone else's experiences. Sounds like the question at hand is "What kind of results are you getting from all of these services?"

I would think a better question would be... "What are you allowing to happen with the people you meet?"

Your title is "I'm good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to date."

Someone who truly wants you, won't demand or expect sex. They'll want something a bit more solid first. I am of the opinion that a man will get from you, only what you are willing to give. Be smart. Protect yourself. And make good decisions. Never give someone more of yourself than you are able to handle, and never be afraid to ask for what you truly need from them.


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## MissToodles (Apr 4, 2006)

I think it's an internet thing. Too many people hide behind the monitor whom claim they want to be in a relationship, flit around from person to person making promises and delivering none. Not that flakes don't exist in real life but it's easier to blow some off through email or an instant message. 1-2-3, turn off the computer and that person is gone!


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## GWARrior (Apr 4, 2006)

aaahhh *brain explodes*:doh:


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## toni (Apr 4, 2006)

I think you bring up an excellent point! This is an all to common theme for anyone who is familiar with the "BBW Scene". This is all over the place, on the internet, at the parties and even in our day to day life. 

I think some men hide behind the FA title so they can trample on bbws. Yes it is true that they get as far as you allow them however there are many men (the majority) that prey on us. You have to be so careful when dating, its annoying. When you are careful with your heart men try to run that insecurity nonsense game on you. It is a real catch 21 and it truly makes me SICK! UGH


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## MisticalMisty (Apr 4, 2006)

Sadly, I'm not sure this is such a fat phenom anymore. I have to agree that the internet is making the booty call more prevelant and it's getting harder and harder to date..what's that old addage? why buy the cow..when you can get the milk for free? we may not be the cows giving the free milk..but if we won't..there's another chica in line that will. Trust me..I've about given up. I've been single 5 years. I know I'm dateable..but not one wants a relationship anymore...and I know..that's a huge generalization..but from what I've seen..the percentage of people actually wanting a loving relationship is about 15%


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## mossystate (Apr 4, 2006)

I am 43 and now ready to roll up my sleeves and get back into dating.To tell you the truth, I have NO idea where I might find men interested in me..*L*..I am so pathetic!! I make eye contact with other humans,but I know I am suspicious of men who make that second or third glance.I have never dated a man who is 'into' fat women.My last boyfriend liked many types, but I am thinking it will be even harder to find another one of him...*SIGH*
Talking to men online does give a woman a false sense of what is out in the 'real world'.I truly don't want to be the crazy lady with the house full of hamsters...errr..cats...heh.


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## UberAris (Apr 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Sadly, I'm not sure this is such a fat phenom anymore. I have to agree that the internet is making the booty call more prevelant and it's getting harder and harder to date..what's that old addage? why buy the cow..when you can get the milk for free? we may not be the cows giving the free milk..but if we won't..there's another chica in line that will. Trust me..I've about given up. I've been single 5 years. I know I'm dateable..but not one wants a relationship anymore...and I know..that's a huge generalization..but from what I've seen..the percentage of people actually wanting a loving relationship is about 15%



well then, I'm proud to be among that big 15%


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## GWARrior (Apr 4, 2006)

Im all for the love, but I'm young, and I wanna live a little!

Marriage can DEFINITLY wait


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## MisticalMisty (Apr 4, 2006)

UberAris said:


> well then, I'm proud to be among that big 15%




Hot damn..ok ladies..get in line for Uber


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 4, 2006)

You are speaking my language girlie, I understand *exactly* what you are saying. It's the story of my life. Don't waste your time on anybody who doesn't like you. It's as simple as that. If they don't enjoy your company enough to be around you beyond what's in his pants, cut him loose. You can be miserable all by yourself without any help from him. 

There are nice guys out there. They're all too shy to talk to you though.


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## GWARrior (Apr 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Hot damn..ok ladies..get in line for Uber




haha there might already be a line!


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## MisticalMisty (Apr 4, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> .
> 
> There are nice guys out there. They're all too shy to talk to you though.




Yeah..I agree..but I think shy can be a cop out sometimes. I just want to scream at a guy to grow some balls and ask me out..LMFAO

again..yet another reason for my singledom.


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## mossystate (Apr 4, 2006)

Ok...going to get drunk and ask out the first man who gives me a second glance.........*pops cork*


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## abluesman (Apr 4, 2006)

I've had an absolutely WONDERFUL relationship with my SSBBW wife for over 5 years now. We met online on a Blues lovers site. Started out as online friends (for over a year). Then she came to see the band I was playing in and it was love at first site. After a few weeks of dating, we've been inseparable ever since. She is the light of my life and I can't imagine living my life without her. :wubu:


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## mybluice (Apr 4, 2006)

I agree with Misty, there seem to be fewer and fewer guys wanting a real relationship. I use to be on several dating sites last year and didn't meet one guy that was ready for or wanting a relationship, especially one with a BBW. Yes, I did post that I was a BBW and had full-length pictures to go along with it.
I decided to stop looking and have since met some nice guys...


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 4, 2006)

GWARrior said:


> haha there might already be a line!



Nah, if my sources are correct Uber is already taken. False alarm ladies, at ease with the lipgloss application.


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## MisticalMisty (Apr 4, 2006)

LillyBBBW said:


> Nah, if my sources are correct Uber is already taken. False alarm ladies, at ease with the lipgloss application.


Well damnit..lol..*starts refunding ticket money* Let us know these things uber..lol


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## toni (Apr 4, 2006)

mossystate said:


> I am 43 and now ready to roll up my sleeves and get back into dating.To tell you the truth, I have NO idea where I might find men interested in me..*L*..I am so pathetic!!



I meet a lot of men all over the place by just being super friendly and always having a smile on my face. I think it is true men are attracted to confident happy women (you may not feel it 100% but fake it). All you have to do is go into flirt mode and you can def land him. Sometimes you may not be able to take it that far but one day you will find that special someone (thats what I keep telling myself).


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## Missy9579 (Apr 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Sadly, I'm not sure this is such a fat phenom anymore. I have to agree that the internet is making the booty call more prevelant and it's getting harder and harder to date..what's that old addage? why buy the cow..when you can get the milk for free? we may not be the cows giving the free milk..but if we won't..there's another chica in line that will. Trust me..I've about given up. I've been single 5 years. I know I'm dateable..but not one wants a relationship anymore...and I know..that's a huge generalization..but from what I've seen..the percentage of people actually wanting a loving relationship is about 15%




I absolutly agree with Misty on many points. If we decide to be sexual with men without demanding a commitment from them, then they think it is ok. Why should they date us and devote time, effort, money and emotions, when, they simply do not have to, in order to get what they want.

Also, say, you say no, I demand a commintment, watch how fast they run, knowing that 3 clicks of a mouse, can get them someone who will give them what they want. Sadly, its almost a loose-loose situation.

Im not single, but certaintly used to be, and found it very difficult to find anyone who wanted a serious relationship. My previous boyfriend, if i want to call him that, gave a lil more than most, he took me out occasionally (although I always paid my own way), he did just enough to keep me baited, but I could never meet his friends, or his family, or go anywhere in his town. And I put up with this, and i look back now, and say WOW.

I guess my point would be, we gotta stick up for ourselves, demand what we want, and never settle for less,,,,hard as it may be sometimes.


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## lipmixgirl (Apr 4, 2006)

[/FONT]


UberAris said:


> well then, I'm proud to be among that big 15%






ah, i could only imagine the possibilities if i were 10 years younger and in indiana... or even, if aris was 10 years older and in the big apple (wouldn't that be funny if pun was intended!!!!) 

how sickeningly cute would that be??? aris and aris... 

n.b. uberaris and lipmixgirl are both named "aris" in real life....


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## Carrie (Apr 4, 2006)

abluesman said:


> I've had an absolutely WONDERFUL relationship with my SSBBW wife for over 5 years now. We met online on a Blues lovers site. Started out as online friends (for over a year). Then she came to see the band I was playing in and it was love at first site. After a few weeks of dating, we've been inseparable ever since. She is the light of my life and I can't imagine living my life without her. :wubu:



That's a wonderful story, bluesman.


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## toni (Apr 4, 2006)

lipmixgirl said:


> [/FONT]
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I had that once. My ex from 4 years ago was Tony and it was super cute to have the same name. He use to always say I stole his name because he was born first. He was so hot! He caught up with me for a date about a month ago, oh boy he was not so hot anymore, lol. I had to let the Toni & Tony dream die  

But an Aris and Aris thing would be even cuter since Aris is a rare name.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Apr 4, 2006)

abluesman said:


> I've had an absolutely WONDERFUL relationship with my SSBBW wife for over 5 years now. We met online on a Blues lovers site. Started out as online friends (for over a year). Then she came to see the band I was playing in and it was love at first site. After a few weeks of dating, we've been inseparable ever since. She is the light of my life and I can't imagine living my life without her. :wubu:




*ummmmmm......you don't have a *single* brother or cousin or uncle or brother-in-law or cousin-in-law or uncle-in-law or even second cousin-in-law....between 46-51 who travels to the land down under often and who also admires the SSBBW form?....I just might know someone who would be willing to meet him at the airport.....  *


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## Jane (Apr 4, 2006)

abluesman said:


> I've had an absolutely WONDERFUL relationship with my SSBBW wife for over 5 years now. We met online on a Blues lovers site. Started out as online friends (for over a year). Then she came to see the band I was playing in and it was love at first site. After a few weeks of dating, we've been inseparable ever since. She is the light of my life and I can't imagine living my life without her. :wubu:


While not conventionally, you took the time to get to know each other before jumping into a physical relationship. That's always a smart idea.

I went on a Democratic (being a Democrat) web site about a year and a half ago. The majority of the people live close enough (within Oklahoma) that we get together in real life at least once a month. I've met people who will be my friends the rest of my life. I've met some unbelievable men. I've met people who lead interesting lives and want me to be along for the ride.

The men who have been significant in my life I met:

1) Through family
2) When visiting a friend in the hospital
3) Online playing spades, not looking to date
4) Online on the Democratic site (several)
5) Through other friends

Get out of the house. You won't meet people in bars. Get involved in things that really matter to you. Be yourself. Meet people. Sitting home saying you're looking does not get it.


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Apr 4, 2006)

One comment. Our culture has essentially disbanded the idea of "romance." People don't really know what a relationship is all about anymore. If both sides agree, fine, but too often the couple simply don't communicate what each one wants out of the relationship. When they realize they have different ambitions, the relationship crumbles. Ask any "new" couples what their goal in the relationship is, and unless they've talked about it they'll give dazzling and quite possibly completely different responses.
There should be a course for men on "How to romance your girl." (Given a much more respectable title than that, of course) I don't pretend to know what "romance" truly is, but I like to think of myself as a Romantic.
And yes, that 15% seems more like 5% from my point of view, but I always knew I was part of a minority. LoL


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## RedHead (Apr 4, 2006)

I will say when I was dating; I absolutely refused any kind of physical relationship until I knew how I felt about that person....in saying that I met my husband online....we married 6 months to the day we met!

He absolutely knew where I stood, before he even met me. I minced no words, nor did I play coy. He say's that one of the reason's that he fell in love with me was my conviction for not sleeping with him. He said that there were times walking out of the house that he could barely walk he hurt so bad.  

But I guess it is how you think of yourself. I demanded to be treated respectfully and like a lady....I got it. Now does that mean I didn't run into some jerks? No, I did, but it was shortlived because I never allowed them to disrespect me more than once.


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## babyjeep21 (Apr 4, 2006)

RedHead said:


> I will say when I was dating; I absolutely refused any kind of physical relationship until I knew how I felt about that person....in saying that I met my husband online....we married 6 months to the day we met!
> 
> He absolutely knew where I stood, before he even met me. I minced no words, nor did I play coy. He say's that one of the reason's that he fell in love with me was my conviction for not sleeping with him. He said that there were times walking out of the house that he could barely walk he hurt so bad.
> 
> But I guess it is how you think of yourself. I demanded to be treated respectfully and like a lady....I got it. Now does that mean I didn't run into some jerks? No, I did, but it was shortlived because I never allowed them to disrespect me more than once.



Very well said!


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## moonvine (Apr 4, 2006)

I found it a bit difficult to understand the initial post, but I'll just share some thoughts on these issues.

I think personal ads are as good a venue as any other to meet people, and I haven't met and dated anyone in any other way since 1988. That being said, some guys never want to take it off line. They may be married or they may be closeted or whatever, but for whatever reason they never want to take it offline. 

As far as them thinking fat women are desperate and an easy lay - there *are* some fat women who are desperate and an easy lay. There are some fat women who think they aren't worthy of a man's time, so they have to put out. Then there are some fat women who just like sex. Like anything else, this is a complicated issue.

I accepted the fact some time ago that I may be alone for the rest of my life. I personally will not have sex with any man I'm not in a relationship with, but not everyone wants to live their life like that, and that's cool.

I have found that most people (both men and women) will treat you just about like you allow them to, though.


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## ataraxia (Apr 4, 2006)

Honestly, I'm not even sure anymore whether I myself want to get into a relationship. I always say I do, and dream fondly of it, but when the rubber hits the road there's always something stopping me.

I think I'm either too scared, or too lazy. Not sure which. (If you really respect me you might say "too independent" as well...)


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## HassanChop (Apr 4, 2006)

I think it does go both ways. For the guys, if you are not a 6' plus, white collar, handsome, Lexus driving dude, then it's usually rare to even get to the point of the commitment discussion. Everyone is effected by looks. Not saying most men aren't doggs, but there are some of us who don't cringe at the "C" word...


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## GWARrior (Apr 4, 2006)

HassanChop said:


> . Not saying most men aren't doggs, but there are some of us who don't cringe at the "C" word...



There are definitly chicks who do tho! *raises hand*


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## HassanChop (Apr 4, 2006)

GWARrior said:


> There are definitly chicks who do tho! *raises hand*





See, so there you go......


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## ataraxia (Apr 4, 2006)

GWARrior said:


> There are definitly chicks who do tho! *raises hand*


Well, you're 19! I wouldn't expect anybody to be ready to put down roots until at least the end of college.


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## MisticalMisty (Apr 4, 2006)

HassanChop said:


> I think it does go both ways. For the guys, if you are not a 6' plus, white collar, handsome, Lexus driving dude, then it's usually rare to even get to the point of the commitment discussion. Everyone is effected by looks. Not saying most men aren't doggs, but there are some of us who don't cringe at the "C" word...




That's not necessarily true either...I want a guy that can support himself..because I can't support the both of us..lol..I want a guy that is nice and cute..and I'd prefer a chevy pickup to a lexus anyday. I wouldn't mind a tall guy..preferrably someone taller than me and I'm 5'4.

To make that generalization is to make the same generalization that men only want barbies or trophy wives. Everyone has what they are attracted too..and granted there are people who want someone who will support them or someone that keeps up with the joneses..but there are people..myself included..that just wants a nice, decent person to get to know, date and see what happens.


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## GWARrior (Apr 4, 2006)

ataraxia said:


> Well, you're 19! I wouldn't expect anybody to be ready to put down roots until at least the end of college.



Haha true, altho Im not in college. and Im 20 in a month! 

I dont think Ill EVER be ready to settle down, and Im certainly not having kids!


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## ataraxia (Apr 4, 2006)

GWARrior said:


> Haha true, altho Im not in college. and Im 20 in a month!
> 
> I dont think Ill EVER be ready to settle down, and Im certainly not having kids!


To each their own... While we're at it, you can keep your GWAR and I'll keep my Borknagar, Nightwish, Epica, and so on...


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## Ryan (Apr 4, 2006)

I think meeting a nice person for a relationship is hard, regardless of weight or gender.

In a totally unscientific non-study I discovered that:

1) A lot of men seem to want women who will have sex with them without any expectations of a committed relationship.

2) A lot of women seem to want a man who has a lot of money and will spend it on them without any expectations of a committed relationship.

My conclusions will soon be unpublished in respected newspapers and magazines throughout the world.


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 4, 2006)

A good argument for prostitution. Men want sex. Women want mens money. 

SO we are just all pimps and ho's .?


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## HassanChop (Apr 4, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:



> That's not necessarily true either...I want a guy that can support himself..because I can't support the both of us..lol..I want a guy that is nice and cute..and I'd prefer a chevy pickup to a lexus anyday. I wouldn't mind a tall guy..preferrably someone taller than me and I'm 5'4.
> 
> To make that generalization is to make the same generalization that men only want barbies or trophy wives. Everyone has what they are attracted too..and granted there are people who want someone who will support them or someone that keeps up with the joneses..but there are people..myself included..that just wants a nice, decent person to get to know, date and see what happens.




Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but if you read the personals on practically any site 1/2 to 2/3's are going to be the same boilerplate, cookie cutter descriptions. Also in regards to commitment, it's bad but we know it happens and I've seen it too, many guys given the opportunity to trade "up" will do so. Women will too, no gender bias.... I'm actually on your side, I happen to be an average, plain guy with a nice job who would be thrilled to find my feminine partner - in - crime.


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## Ryan (Apr 4, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> A good argument for prostitution. Men want sex. Women want mens money.
> 
> SO we are just all pimps and ho's .?



The funny thing I've noticed is that some men who are just looking for easy sex will get offended if a woman tries to use them for money, and that some women who are looking for a sugar-daddy will get offended if a guy tries to use them for sex.

Aren't people great?


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## MisticalMisty (Apr 4, 2006)

HassanChop said:


> Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but if you read the personals on practically any site 1/2 to 2/3's are going to be the same boilerplate, cookie cutter descriptions. Also in regards to commitment, it's bad but we know it happens and I've seen it too, many guys given the opportunity to trade "up" will do so. Women will too, no gender bias.... I'm actually on your side, I happen to be an average, plain guy with a nice job who would be thrilled to find my feminine partner - in - crime.




do you have an application process..or should I just email my resume 

I totally get your point....people suck


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 4, 2006)

Ryan said:


> The funny thing I've noticed is that some men who are just looking for easy sex will get offended if a woman tries to use them for money, and that some women who are looking for a sugar-daddy will get offended if a guy tries to use them for sex.
> 
> Aren't people great?




Sometimes MEN use women for money and Women use men for sex. 

All I know is IM broke and I havent had sex in a long time. Tell me, what does it all mean??


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## MsGreenLantern (Apr 4, 2006)

I lost two guys in the last year to the dreaded.. "I really like you" "I really care about you!" followed soon after by "DOn't get too attached" after some heavy petting.

Its my life story. :doh:


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## Ryan (Apr 4, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> Sometimes MEN use women for money and Women use men for sex.



True. And don't forget all the nice men and women who have basically given up on the dating scene because of all the rotten people out there.



bigsexy920 said:


> All I know is IM broke and I havent had sex in a long time. Tell me, what does it all mean??



I'm not sure. I'm probably not the best person to be giving dating advice. A lot of the women I meet are nice people to have as friends or acquaintances, but most of them have some characteristic that causes me to classify them as "undateable".


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 4, 2006)

AH yes the undateable I met my fair share of them as well. There are lots of really nice ones though. 

Girls if you wait a bit before you have sex. You usually can weed out the ones that only want the SEX.  


But if you really need the sex. Make sure you don't have it with someone that really really likes you . That could be bad.

I haven't given up. I hope that dosen't mean I'm a bad one.


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## Mr. 23 (Apr 5, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> To make that generalization is to make the same generalization that men only want barbies or trophy wives.



I'll be honest. When I was single, I was looking for a serious relationship through online dating services (and found it after much looking and wondering if it were even possible). Yeah, I was looking for the ever-elusive trophy wife.

Though my definition of trophy wife isn't quite what someone else might think. After all, we all carry around our own notion of the trophy partner. Mine isn't Barbie. If you are wondering what I had in my head, I suggest you look no further than Titian's work. We've got some similar notions in some cases.

And I would say that the number of women looking for serious relationships was probably about 50/50 for the women I met. But my experience could be skewed.


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## RedHead (Apr 5, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> Sometimes MEN use women for money and Women use men for sex.
> 
> All I know is IM broke and I havent had sex in a long time. Tell me, what does it all mean??



You had to little money or a really greedy man....or you just liked a lot of sex


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 5, 2006)

RedHead said:


> You had to little money or a really greedy man....or you just liked a lot of sex




All of the above. In the past of course.


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## MisticalMisty (Apr 5, 2006)

Mr. 23 said:


> And I would say that the number of women looking for serious relationships was probably about 50/50 for the women I met. But my experience could be skewed.




There are days that I wish I wasn't looking for a ltr..but alas..I can't help but want one..and the more people tell me not to look..and all the other old cliches..the more I look..lol..I..like a lot of others..am tired of being single...I want to date....etc

like I mentioned earlier..the net is great..but sucks at the same time..you are able to meet a whole different group of people than I would in Oklahoma..but at the same time..it sucks..because sometimes that group isn't exactly what you want..you know?

oh well..lol..I just keep on keeping on


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## Webmaster (Apr 5, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> ...I know I'm dateable..but not one wants a relationship anymore...and I know..that's a huge generalization..but from what I've seen..the percentage of people actually wanting a loving relationship is about 15%



I am not sure such a generalization represents the true picture. It's been a while since I was in the dating game, but when I was, it really wasn't all that pretty from the male side either. That was before the internet, in the days where personal ads were placed and letters exchanged. Many times I came across what seemed like an interesting person, one that raised high hopes. 

Yet, almost inevitably, the third or fourth letter included, in many different ways, the ultimatum: "Commit to me, or I'll ditch you!" If you didn't or couldn't, you were declared scum and a user.

That is just not realistic. It wasn't then, and it isn't now. And I most definitely wasn't out just for sex; all I wanted was to get to know someone, to see if there was enough incommon to truly have a relationship. 

Yes, things happen much faster these days. Thanks to email, IM, messaging and all, what used to take months may take days or weeks now. Yet, the game really hasn't changed. I'd never sleep with anyone whom I wasn't truly interested in. But I'd also dismiss someone whose sole interested was to book a commitment, regardless of anything else. 

I really do think that this "if you really love me you commit and marry me, or else" approach is the source of plenty of heartache and also of plenty of bad marriages. 

The means of communication may have changed, but the general ground rules of finding The One haven't. True love is a tender thing, one that must be carefully weighed and considered, and never forced. It is the age-old dance of the genders, and it truly is up to each of us to play the game smartly and intelligently.


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## Vince (Apr 5, 2006)

BigSexy confessed,


> SO we are just all pimps and ho's .?



Then Conrad disclosed,


> I'd never sleep with anyone whom I wasn't truly interested in.



What is this world coming to! 920 is talking like a cynical philosopher and Conrad is talking like a SNAG!


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 5, 2006)

Vince said:


> BigSexy confessed,
> 
> .
> 
> ...



I confessed nothing, I just asked a question


Whats a SNAG? Is it as bad as a "VINCE" ?  

I, Like COnrad would never sleep with someone just for the hell of it. I need to have some feelings for the person.

I guess I feel less as I've gotten older.


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## Vince (Apr 5, 2006)

You Americans are strange people. Why is it such a big deal to sleep with someone? Michael Jackson didn't think it was a big deal. Maybe too many of you are frustrated and not having enough sex. What a pity the standard deviations mean that unusual guys and really fat women will go without and will unlikely ever meet. The likelihood of a 400 pound woman getting a guy like Conrad is almost zero. Just using that weight and name as an example. I am not implying anything on this board from juxtaposition of posts. 

SNAG? I think it is something you throw on a Barbie. Vince is completely innocent of all and any implied impropriety or charges.


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 5, 2006)

Vince said:


> . The likelihood of a 400 pound woman getting a guy like Conrad is almost zero. Just using that weight and name as an example. I am not implying anything on this board from juxtaposition of posts.
> 
> .




I guess its just me, pup pup and kitty cat than for me since the likleyhood of me getting anyone is next to ZERO. :doh:


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## Santaclear (Apr 5, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I guess its just me, pup pup and kitty cat than for me since the likleyhood of me getting anyone is next to ZERO. :doh:



I think Vince wants to set you up with Michael Jackson, bigsexy. This statistics-based matchmaking is an old Australian custom.


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## Vince (Apr 5, 2006)

Well, 920, sometimes having nothing is a very cool hand! So said Cool Hand Luke! Factor in both a dog and a cat and, 'Houston, we have a problem!'


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## Vince (Apr 5, 2006)

Santaclear, I wish you would stop being so good to me! Isn't it obvious that I am trying to set her up with Conrad!:smitten:


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## Emma (Apr 5, 2006)

I reckon if you work on being happy alone then you'll probably attract the right guy.


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## Vince (Apr 5, 2006)

Hey, Em, what's this reverse philosophy? Could you expand on that or do you wait for serendipity?


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## Emma (Apr 5, 2006)

If you're happy alone, having fun and whatnot then you're more likely to want to attract someone who wants to be with you, rather than if you're unhappy and expecting someone else to make you happy.


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## Vince (Apr 5, 2006)

Well, do you think it is possible for YOU to be happy without a guy in your life?


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## Emma (Apr 5, 2006)

Vince said:


> Well, do you think it is possible for YOU to be happy without a guy in your life?



Without a doubt. I've had plenty of happy times in my life when no man was on the scene. lol And if I didn't have men interested in me then I would just get on with it.


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## Morganne (Apr 5, 2006)

The bottom line is you must demand respect or you simply will not receive it. You can't be afraid of being alone, we all have had those moments in our lives when we felt lonely. Nothing is a safe bet. I have been in a wonderful relationship for 4 years but things can change.Life can pull the rug right out from under you when you least expect it. I cross bridges when I come to them.


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## SparklingBBW (Apr 5, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> Yeah..I agree..but I think shy can be a cop out sometimes. I just want to scream at a guy to grow some balls and ask me out..LMFAO
> 
> again..yet another reason for my singledom.



I couldn't agree more. I require that all the men I date have balls. 

Gena --- looking for a pick-up game...can you spell H-O-R-S-E?


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## olivefun (Apr 5, 2006)

I have chatted to many men online. Some will be life long friends. There are a few that have become real friends. Some women I have met here that I feel a tremendous among of affection for too. 

I meet interesting men everywhere I go. I was visiting my mother in the hospital last week and a lovely man who teaches at the university asked me out for coffee. It was great. He isn't someone I want to date, but he will be part of my large social group. He really wants a wife. 
It doesn't take much to realize what people have in common or whether there is something there. I really like him, and was glad to bump into him yesterday. Once we make a connection with someone, the world (in this case, the hospital) is a much nicer place. He works as a volunteer there, he is new to my city, and figured it was a good way to increase his social circle. He really enjoys meeting people. 

I have met a total of one man from the internet. He is the one holding back on our dates. We go out and feel a great deal of magnetic electricity. It is incredible. He bedded a woman too soon, and it made things take on a tone he didn't like, so with me, we are _playing_, getting to know one another before we jump into bed. 

Neither one of these guys thinks of themselves as a FA, but obviously love this 5x body. 

I do regularly have a tumble in the hay with a man who doesn't live in the same country as me. He is the best lover I have had in many years.. a fantastic kind of connection. Amazing. He comes to town every few months for work and we enjoy one another completely. It is a fantastic thrill for us both. Actually, he doesn't think of himself as a FA either. I asked him if he always liked fat women,, and he had to give it a thought. He had never considered that he or any man would have the preference. 

To think that either you have a booty call, or a committed thing is limiting. 
The *either/ or *of that is what I find problematic. 

My point is that the range is good. 
Meet people in as many ways as possible. Be open to the variety of interactions. 
This is what works for me. 

It is odd I suppose to be holding back the sex with the guy I want a regular something-something with, and giving it freely to the out-of-towner, but this combination is how it happened. 

There is a man i chat with on yahoo, who seemed wonderful, but is in a big hurry to meet me. He lives in a city that is not too far away. He jokes around about how he wants me to fly him up to see me. 
As if! 
I told him it was not funny to me. I would not "fly anyone" up to see me and if he said it again, I would leave the chat because I don't want the kind of thing he seemed to be seeking. He used to listen to what I wanted and used that to try to get me to pay for something for him. 

I cut him loose but every once in a while he contacts me with a new carrot to dangle. 

There are so many kinds of people out there, looking for a variety of things. 

I have a busy life, with a range of different kinds of people. 
I like the diversity, it works for me. I cannot tell anyone what will work for them, it is a kind of alchemy, but hope that hearing about my experience is helpful for someone else.


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## ataraxia (Apr 5, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> do you have an application process..or should I just email my resume


You know Scott's like twice as old as you, right?:doh:


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## ataraxia (Apr 5, 2006)

MsGreenLantern said:


> I lost two guys in the last year to the dreaded.. "I really like you" "I really care about you!" followed soon after by "DOn't get too attached" after some heavy petting.
> 
> Its my life story. :doh:


I always get this... When I smell that "chance of success" I hold on for dear life - and the women I know want part-time relationships.


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 5, 2006)

Santaclear said:


> I think Vince wants to set you up with Michael Jackson, bigsexy. This statistics-based matchmaking is an old Australian custom.




Im sorry I dont date skinny white women !


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## abluesman (Apr 5, 2006)

Carrie said:


> That's a wonderful story, bluesman.




Thanks Carrie. It's really more wonderful than that, but I tried to keep it brief.


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## RedHead (Apr 5, 2006)

I feel for those of you who are out there now looking for a LTR...it's not easy. Hell I was in my mid 30's before I got married the first time; I thought I'd never find that "special someone"...although that didn't turn out so well; I did find my soul mate later on.

The best advice I can give is to not give up, to find your inner peace and happiness within yourself, to be open to new possibilities, to respect yourself and to not allow anyone to take that away from you.

I am not trying to be trite or give you platitudes; I really am sincere here. I remember the feelings of lonliness and fear that I would NEVER find someone. But when I got on with life...they were there.


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## moonvine (Apr 5, 2006)

ataraxia said:


> I always get this... When I smell that "chance of success" I hold on for dear life - and the women I know want part-time relationships.




What the heck is a part time relationship? Do you have a relationship on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays but not the other days?  

This is where my age is showing, I think.


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## LisaInNC (Apr 5, 2006)

I have found that many men DO think bbw are easy...and do look to us for an easy lay...now I am gonna say something that is prolly gonna get me reamed...but hey yall know me...I dont give a damn...why do you think these men treat us like this? Well I will tell you why....because we let them...there are women out there who sleep with men just to have some sort of affection...and I have heard them say this...and the men take advantage of this and think all bbw are this way...ok so lets see...if you sleep with 7 bbw out of 10 on the first dates....yeah..youd prolly think that going fat is the easy way to get laid...I said "CLOSE UP SHOP LADIES!! NO RING NO PUSSY!!" who's with me?


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## LisaInNC (Apr 5, 2006)

UberAris said:


> well then, I'm proud to be among that big 15%



Where does the line start for UberAris?:wubu:


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## moonvine (Apr 5, 2006)

HassanChop said:


> I think it does go both ways. For the guys, if you are not a 6' plus, white collar, handsome, Lexus driving dude, then it's usually rare to even get to the point of the commitment discussion. Everyone is effected by looks. Not saying most men aren't doggs, but there are some of us who don't cringe at the "C" word...



I have to cry foul at this. Men are much, much more visual than women. And what "handsome" is varies a lot more with women than what "pretty" is varies with men. My last boyfriend was 5'7" (I think) and drove some sort of old Japanese station wagon thing. He did have a good job (network admin) but I'm not sure what collar color network admins are. I've definitely dated blue collar guys in the past - they are awesome and can usually fix anything. 

There are some men who don't have physical preferences when it comes to dating, but there are far more women who don't have physical preference, or whose physical preferences are much more varied. I've found men of all heights attractive. All things being equal I prefer dark haired men, but will certainly date blondes (not that it matters, I don't think I've been on a date with a Caucasian guy in 10 years). I prefer bigger guys, but will date thin ones. Chemistry transcends physical appearance, at least for me.

I do insist that any guy I date has a car (any kind will do, does not have to be a Lexus - hell, I drive a 94 Mitsubishil, but I'm not going to become a taxi service) and a job (again, any kind will do, but I'm not going to be the sugar mama).


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## OriginalCyn (Apr 5, 2006)

...and even then, it's only to the extent that our society lowers a man's status for being seen with a fat woman.

The real problem is the so-called "double standard," and that's something that embitters both men and women.

I think that men started this whole double-standard crap, so I'm going to blame the entire male gender as a whole--which is not to say that I'm going to come down on every individual male in the world for this...not unless he's a willing participant in this twisted way of thinking. The problem boils down to the fact that men-in-general want sex, they don't want to have to go to a lot of trouble to get sex...but then they hypocritically get angry with women if they imagine that the woman who easily gives them sex might have given other men sex easily, as well. This makes many women cautious about "giving it away," so they make it more-difficult for men to get sex from them, in a effort to seem (or actually be) relatively (or absolutely) "exclusive" with their sexual favors. Then the men get angry that the women are making them "jump through hoops" to get sex (even to the point of demanding marriage first), and they get all embittered. So the men have put themselves into a real pickle: They disrespect the women from whom they get sex, they're angry with the women who won't give them sex (although they also tend to romanticize those women), they're basically angry with all women...and how can you have decent, loving sex if you're pissed-off at the entire female gender in one way or another?

Meanwhile, the women feel powerless in the face of male demands, and they strategize ways to get through life, find a mate, get married, raise a family, and have a decent, loving sex/romantic life. When you strategize ways to get male approval, you're not necessarily being true to your inner self. Maybe, for example, you'd like to be a "wild and wanton" woman, because you enjoy sex for its own sake...but you don't feel safe letting that side of your personality show, and you squelch its expression. Or maybe you want to have a permanent relationship with someone that leads to marriage, family, and children, and you're more into affection and cuddling than into sex per se, but you feel that you need to present a sexually-come-hither image in order to attract a mate, "hook" him, and "reel him in." So you maintain your chastity--at least until you're engaged--but there's that implicit promise of raw sexuality, that really isn't true to your inner self, that you've presented in order to attract him--something that you'll feel obligated to act on once you've "hooked" him. 

The only lasting solution--for women--that I can see is a solution that is difficult to live with. We have to stop defining ourselves in terms of what men think of us. Realize, before you consider implementing this, that taking that attitude makes most men very angry, because they LIKE calling the shots and being catered-to and having women hang on to their every word, thought, and desire. Many men have come to feel that such is their prerogative, as males in this society. But also realize that most men are already angry, and many men already have misogynistic attitudes--either on the surface or at a subconscious level. So you really have nothing to lose by not catering to them and by figuring out what pleases YOURSELF. I'm convinced that, if we women are true to ourselves and refuse to compromise that we will, in the long run, attract the sort of men who are far more healthy for us.


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## Jane (Apr 5, 2006)

I may have posted this before:

Last week, a coworker stopped me returning to my office and said, "Don't you agree that most women 'settle' when they marry." I said, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, we don't wait until we find exactly what we're looking for, and we settle on someone to marry."

I said, "You want Prince Charming. Like we're all friggin' princesses."

God save me from marrying someone who was looking for a princess, and is going to be foolish enough to hold me to that standard.


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 5, 2006)

OriginalCyn said:


> ...and even then, it's only to the extent that our society lowers a man's status for being seen with a fat woman.
> 
> The real problem is the so-called "double standard," and that's something that embitters both men and women.
> 
> ...



I think you nailed it pretty well here.


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## sunandshadow (Apr 5, 2006)

You know what would be nice? A universal handkerchief code. Or those coded earring the Betas wear in the Miles Vorkosigan books. Then you could just be like "Aha, that guy's handkerchief is blue with green polka-dots, he wants blah blah blah..."


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## GWARrior (Apr 5, 2006)

sunandshadow said:


> You know what would be nice? A universal handkerchief code. Or those coded earring the Betas wear in the Miles Vorkosigan books. Then you could just be like "Aha, that guy's handkerchief is blue with green polka-dots, he wants blah blah blah..."




hehehe I remember hearing about a handkerchief code in the gay community.


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## moonvine (Apr 5, 2006)

Jane said:


> I said, "You want Prince Charming. Like we're all friggin' princesses."
> 
> God save me from marrying someone who was looking for a princess, and is going to be foolish enough to hold me to that standard.




I'm a princess. Specifically a fairy princess. I even have wings. And a tiara.


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## Jane (Apr 5, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I'm a princess. Specifically a fairy princess. I even have wings. And a tiara.


Hey, I have a pink tiara. I'm one of the Princesses of Pink....which excludes me COMPLETELY from what men think of when they think of "little princesses." A member of the Pink Girls/Stud Boys club...which exists only in my friend's mind.


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## Jane (Apr 5, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I think you nailed it pretty well here.


I think she did, too.


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 5, 2006)

Vince said:


> Well, 920, sometimes having nothing is a very cool hand! So said Cool Hand Luke! Factor in both a dog and a cat and, 'Houston, we have a problem!'



I don't think the problem is mine. Do you?


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## mossystate (Apr 5, 2006)

Ummmm,using the words 'ring' and 'pussy' in the same sentence makes me wanna cross my legs. 
I have run into men online who absolutely think fat women are easier to schmooze and compliment.One very honest man told me.."yeah, larger women compensate for being big by attaching themselves to any kind word a man utters" Now, he knew that was not a given, seeing how I was not kissing his feet, but the attitude is out there.Men are not immune to 'kindness' from women..don't get me wrong, but I see sooooo many women who bask in the attention, only to be very angry when the men..like clockwork...go away.
The point is not to demand a ring or any other trinket..or emotion..the goal is to take ownership of your own feelings and emotions..and heart.I often hear about how this man or that man is a 'player'.While I hate the term, there ARE men roaming around who flit from one flower to the next,but after awhile, don't we all need to step back and ask WHY we seem to attract a certain 'type'?(for those women AND men who attract not so wonderful people) I am all for supporting those who get hurt, but when it happens over and over...my shoulder no longer wants tears on them.
I analyze the crap out of most things.Sometimes this does me a bit of good..heh.I know the things men can say or do that might turn my head.I know the things I want in my life and if I am not careful,I can be susceptible to 'charm'(and I hate charm..it is contrived..manufactured..not found in nature )
Don't trip all over yourselves when someone pays you a compliment..I am not suggesting you not say thank you..just don't fantasize about the white picket fence two seconds after you meet someone....online..or at the grocery store(I am hungry right now)
Maybe that is why I am wary of dating right now.I would not make 'demands' of a man who might approach me, and it would be wonderful to feel the warmth, emotionally and physically, but I think I know that I need to be careful...I have not eaten in a long time.:eat1:


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## sunandshadow (Apr 5, 2006)

If anyone called me princess I would laugh my ass off at him. And if he did it again, I think I'd have to smack him. *is allergic to tiaras, especially pink ones*


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 5, 2006)

GWARrior said:


> hehehe I remember hearing about a handkerchief code in the gay community.



What you're talking about is a 1970's/80's thing known as the Hanky Code. It was a way in NYC (and some other places) of figuring out in clubs who had what fetish.


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 5, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> What you're talking about is a 1970's/80's thing known as the Hanky Code. It was a way in NYC (and some other places) of figuring out in clubs who had what fetish.




Well if that took on. I would imagne seeing people covered in Hankies. :doh:


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## MisticalMisty (Apr 5, 2006)

ataraxia said:


> You know Scott's like twice as old as you, right?:doh:




did you notice the tongue..lol I was kidding..


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 5, 2006)

Some likes 'em old, Misty. You never know on the 'net.


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## Gil3 (Apr 5, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I have to cry foul at this. Men are much, much more visual than women. And what "handsome" is varies a lot more with women than what "pretty" is varies with men. My last boyfriend was 5'7" (I think) and drove some sort of old Japanese station wagon thing. He did have a good job (network admin) but I'm not sure what collar color network admins are. I've definitely dated blue collar guys in the past - they are awesome and can usually fix anything.
> 
> There are some men who don't have physical preferences when it comes to dating, *but there are far more women who don't have physical preference, or whose physical preferences are much more varied. * I've found men of all heights attractive. All things being equal I prefer dark haired men, but will certainly date blondes (not that it matters, I don't think I've been on a date with a Caucasian guy in 10 years). I prefer bigger guys, but will date thin ones. Chemistry transcends physical appearance, at least for me.
> 
> I do insist that any guy I date has a car (any kind will do, does not have to be a Lexus - hell, I drive a 94 Mitsubishil, but I'm not going to become a taxi service) and a job (again, any kind will do, but I'm not going to be the sugar mama).



I respectfully disagree with the statment which I bolded. Where I live, most women have this laundry list of requirements for physical attributes in a man. If you don't fit a certain "profile", ie tall, "attractive", athletic, nice car, etc, it's hard to get noticed. Now I know it's unreasonable for me to make such a statement based upon my observations in my city, but it does happen. You are a rare exception, though . I definitely understand your reasons for the car, though, as it can be a pain in the you know what sometimes to drive someone around who doesn't have one, male or female. I also realize there are people who are unable to drive for various reasons.


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## Jane (Apr 5, 2006)

Gil, my son says the same thing.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 5, 2006)

Okay, but as a rule, you see a lot more less attractive men with more attractive women than the other way around.


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## Jane (Apr 5, 2006)

I've quit looking at it that way. God, I'm getting old. I am at the point my priorities on men are:

1) Are they fun to talk to?
2) Do they have enough depth to feel emotion?
3) Do they seem to like me as much as/the same way I like them?

From there, I'm good to go. 

I could not possibly care less how much money they have, I pay my own way in this world, and somehow there's always just enough. I don't care if every woman in the room turns their head when he walks by (if you're having a good time, they usually do anyway.) I hope his car runs...(I hate a car to break down) but we can always take mine.

I appreciate the gift of their extra time, which is what I will give them. 

If we are mutually inclined toward sex with each other, I don't set arbitrary timelines on it. 

Life is too short to set up too many rules you're gonna feel bad about breaking.


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## mossystate (Apr 5, 2006)

I think the key word is 'more'.I am attracted to a variety of men..but not all men.There has to be the physical attraction right off the bat, some 'thing' that speaks to that part of me in charge of the word...mmmmm:eat2:..I am a VERY visual woman!


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## MsGreenLantern (Apr 5, 2006)

I have insanely varied preferences in men I must admit. I tend to go for facial hair on some...but a round faced fella shouldn't have any. I love me some pale boy with blue eyes...but have seen just as many dark haired, brown eyed boys who strike my fancy. One rule I always stick by it the height rule. I'm short, so they darn well better be taller than me by a few inches..

At this point though, the physical attraction is a bigger issue then it used to be. If I find a man sexy, I let them know right out. The better I like myself, the pickier I am about men. And the older I get the more I want me some bootay! I want who I want durnit!  

On the money note:
Money is pointless to me now. Although I like to chat about the future, what are the odds that a guy I date now will be my one and only forever? Most are in college with no job at all, or maybe part-time work. I'd prefer to be a house wife someday. Quite traditional with a man bringing home the bacon, but the odds of that nowadays are not so much in my favor. :doh:


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## moonvine (Apr 5, 2006)

Gil3 said:


> I also realize there are people who are unable to drive for various reasons.



I think I would make an exception for this. But just not having a car and expecting your girlfriend to drive you around would not fly with me if one was physically capable.


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## Gil3 (Apr 5, 2006)

Jane said:


> I've quit looking at it that way. God, I'm getting old. I am at the point my priorities on men are:
> 
> 1) Are they fun to talk to?
> 2) Do they have enough depth to feel emotion?
> ...



Isn't that the truth! The time we spend writing them, our lives would be almost over


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## Gil3 (Apr 5, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I think I would make an exception for this. But just not having a car and expecting your girlfriend to drive you around would not fly with me if one was physically capable.



I agree. I'm fiercely independent, and could not even imagine being without a car.


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## Ladyrose1952 (Apr 5, 2006)

If a BOOTY CALL were all I was interested in, that would be easy any day of the week and when or wherever I wished.

I though want more out of a relationship than that.

BOOTY CALLS are a dime a dozen... The REAL DEAL you have to work at to enjoy. 

*My man's reward will be to know that I am his and his ONLY.*


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## ataraxia (Apr 5, 2006)

moonvine said:


> What the heck is a part time relationship? Do you have a relationship on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays but not the other days?
> 
> This is where my age is showing, I think.


It means, "I only want to pay attention to you when I feel like it. Otherwise, go away, I'm bored now." Or maybe "I need my own space."


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## HassanChop (Apr 5, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I have to cry foul at this. Men are much, much more visual than women. And what "handsome" is varies a lot more with women than what "pretty" is varies with men. My last boyfriend was 5'7" (I think) and drove some sort of old Japanese station wagon thing. He did have a good job (network admin) but I'm not sure what collar color network admins are. I've definitely dated blue collar guys in the past - they are awesome and can usually fix anything.
> 
> There are some men who don't have physical preferences when it comes to dating, but there are far more women who don't have physical preference, or whose physical preferences are much more varied. I've found men of all heights attractive. All things being equal I prefer dark haired men, but will certainly date blondes (not that it matters, I don't think I've been on a date with a Caucasian guy in 10 years). I prefer bigger guys, but will date thin ones. Chemistry transcends physical appearance, at least for me.
> 
> I do insist that any guy I date has a car (any kind will do, does not have to be a Lexus - hell, I drive a 94 Mitsubishil, but I'm not going to become a taxi service) and a job (again, any kind will do, but I'm not going to be the sugar mama).





Again, I will stand by my original statement. I've agreed that there are exceptions to every rule and that men are far more visually stimulated than women are. (I know I am.) Possibly different parts of the country will have varying standards as well, I'm fairly certain that typical southern californians and typical Texans would have different views on the subject. Being originally from back east, SOCAL was a bit of an adjustment for me. But intimating that women have practically no visual/physical standards in men they choose is something I can't agree with. I've been told by several different women friends that a girl knows in the first 5 min. whether she will sleep with you or not. That seems like there's a certain visual aspect in there to me.....


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## HassanChop (Apr 5, 2006)

ataraxia said:


> You know Scott's like twice as old as you, right?:doh:




I've never experienced the Cyber C*ck-Block before, not sure how to respond.


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## LarryTheShiveringChipmunk (Apr 5, 2006)

mossystate said:


> Ok...going to get drunk and ask out the first man who gives me a second glance.........*pops cork*




did anyone do a first glance? is it my turn?


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## HassanChop (Apr 5, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> did you notice the tongue..lol I was kidding..




I understood,  Enjoyed the banter....


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## moonvine (Apr 6, 2006)

HassanChop said:


> But intimating that women have practically no visual/physical standards in men they choose is something I can't agree with. I've been told by several different women friends that a girl knows in the first 5 min. whether she will sleep with you or not. That seems like there's a certain visual aspect in there to me.....




Not only do I not know in the first five minutes if I will sleep with a man or not, but it is quite possible I may not know in the first five months.


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## RedHead (Apr 6, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Not only do I not know in the first five minutes if I will sleep with a man or not, but it is quite possible I may not know in the first five months.



You go girl; I have to agree with you in MOST part.

But there is a part of me that has to agree with Hassan. If I am not physically attracted to someone initially I do know that I won't sleep with him. But OTOH my first marriage...I knew him for 5 years and would NEVER have thought I'd fall in love or be physically attracted to him. It just took time.


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## pickleman357 (Apr 6, 2006)

Here's an idea

Don't have sex until you're married.
And, don't get hitched at a Justice of the peace, make is special.


That'll quickly get through all of the guys that just want a woman for sex.


As for online dating?

I met my g/f online and we're about 2 months away from our 2 year aniversery. The thing about online is that you have to realize that there are some guys that want a woman, but don't want to be drunk in a bar when they look.

Peace!


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## Jane (Apr 6, 2006)

How about "quit thinking of sex as a commodity."

If you want to have sex with someone do. If you don't don't.

Don't expect lifelong love from sex. They are not the same thing.

It's amazing when great sex and satisfying love come from the same source at the same time. It's what we all strive for, I think. But it's rarer than it's made out to be.


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## bostonbbwluver (Apr 6, 2006)

Personally, I think women tend to play more games then men. I know I just want to meet a nice girl for an ltr, is that too much to ask? It seems women can be misleading. Some girls I have known have been very nice but standoffish and others that I barely have known do not mind going out once in a while. It is hard to figure out if they are just being nice and playing you and sometimes they are interested, it is difficult to figure out if you ask me.


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## moonvine (Apr 6, 2006)

Jane said:


> How about "quit thinking of sex as a commodity."
> 
> If you want to have sex with someone do. If you don't don't.
> 
> ...



I want to have sex with someone I am in a ltr with. I don't want to have sex with someone I am not in a ltr with. Makes it pretty easy for me.


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 6, 2006)

bostonbbwluver said:


> Personally, I think women tend to play more games then men. I know I just want to meet a nice girl for an ltr, is that too much to ask? It seems women can be misleading. Some girls I have known have been very nice but standoffish and others that I barely have known do not mind going out once in a while. It is hard to figure out if they are just being nice and playing you and sometimes they are interested, it is difficult to figure out if you ask me.




I usually just ask if a person is or is not interested if I'm having trouble reading the signs. If I read signs that I know a person is interested I will say that I'm not interested if I KNOW I'm not. Than there are men that I like and I'm not really 100 % sure if I'm interested in but I like them. 

I honesty and communication, they are the key. The problem when you factor in humans it dosent work.


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## bigsexy920 (Apr 6, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I want to have sex with someone I am in a ltr with. I don't want to have sex with someone I am not in a ltr with. Makes it pretty easy for me.



Yeah sure that's true. BUT if you meet someone and you go out a few times and have sex after 3 dates or what ever. That dosen't mean you are in a LTR that means you like this person and want to have sex. There is not gaurentee that it will become a LTR so how do decide who you move on with and who you don't physically. 

I know I don't talk about years down the line on a 3 or 4th date but sometimes I am worndering if I'll be having sex that night.


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## LillyBBBW (Apr 6, 2006)

bostonbbwluver said:


> Personally, I think women tend to play more games then men. I know I just want to meet a nice girl for an ltr, is that too much to ask? It seems women can be misleading. Some girls I have known have been very nice but standoffish and others that I barely have known do not mind going out once in a while. It is hard to figure out if they are just being nice and playing you and sometimes they are interested, it is difficult to figure out if you ask me.



I think women are just trying to take the time to get to know you before they bum rush into anything. Most women won't commit themselves to someone over drinks and Tapas. Obviously they think you are worth their time if they keep talking with you. There ar lots of things a girl would much rather be doing than chatting about the weather and hoping the VCR is taping CSI.

If a girl is nice it only means she's nice. Just go with it and have a good time. The worst that will happen is nothing, no spark, oh well. Unless your last name is Rockefeller it's safe to assume she's not after your money and contrary to popular belief women are not intrinsically instilled with the ability to read your thoughts and exploit your psyche. We know as little about you as you know about us which is why we're taking the time to try and get to know you better. Lighten up, we're not going to bite you. If the relationship is not forming into what you had hoped, say so and move on.


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## mossystate (Apr 6, 2006)

LarryTheShiveringChipmunk said:


> did anyone do a first glance? is it my turn?


 

I didn't even get one..not even half of a glance..not even a man asking for directions...bastards!


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## sunandshadow (Apr 6, 2006)

I wanted to explain my perspective on the whole attraction/sex/LTR thing, since it seems to be different from most of the women posting. I do want to fall in love with someone and get married and make babies. But I also like sex. There are people I would like to sleep with because they're gorgeous but would not want to be in a relationship with because they have a terrible personality. If there was someone I was friends with but not attracted to, I might be willing to sleep with them recreationally but would definitely not want there to be any romance or plans for the future going on.

I usually do know at first sight whether I am strongly attracted to someone, which is quite rare; even when I was in college and meeting lots of new people the max this ever happened to me was 3 times in a year. On the other hand if someone was moderately but not stop-me-in-my-tracks attractive, if I liked their personality and we became friends I would probably come to consider them more attractive, particularly if I saw them naked because some of the most attractive features of people are usually hidden by clothing.

So my conclusion is that the whole attraction/courting thing is quite complicated and cannot be summed up with simple rules of thumb.


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## pickleman357 (Apr 6, 2006)

sunandshadow said:


> So my conclusion is that the whole attraction/courting thing is quite complicated and cannot be summed up with simple rules of thumb.



I can. Keep it in your pants till marriage.

Recerational sex is the down fall of a lot of children these days. No birth contorl is 100%, its usually 99%. So if you do it 100 times, chances are, you'll pop out a kid. Now, if you didn't want to be with this woman and was just having some casual sex with her, guess what? You're going to spend the rest of your child's life with her whether you like it or not because it'll be both yours and hers. If you stay together, you could be miserable and give the kid a complex. If you're apart, you'll be setting a bad example of parents all together.

I'm a single father myself, I know, I've been there and I'm going through this. I'm still dreading the day where I have to somehow say to my son that his mother never really cared for him.

No amount of sex in the world with what ever woman could be worth that, period.

Now I'm not saying be a stuck up guy until you get hitched. I see nothing wrong with fooling around with a woman, just don't go all the way until you *KNOW *that you want to _spend the rest of your life _with her!

And I know the typical responces when I say stuff like this "You had a bad experience" etc...
There is absolutely no reason why it can't happen to someone else. And could it really be worth the risk? Think about that before you whip it out. Like 5 minutes before, look at the woman you're about to bang and think about what it would be like to have a kid with her. Trust me, it'll help!


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## moonvine (Apr 6, 2006)

sunandshadow said:


> I wanted to explain my perspective on the whole attraction/sex/LTR thing, since it seems to be different from most of the women posting. I do want to fall in love with someone and get married and make babies. But I also like sex. There are people I would like to sleep with because they're gorgeous but would not want to be in a relationship with because they have a terrible personality. If there was someone I was friends with but not attracted to, I might be willing to sleep with them recreationally but would definitely not want there to be any romance or plans for the future going on.



See, I don't have recreational sex. I'd really rather watch TV. I don't have sex with someone just because I think they are attractive, and I sure wouldn't have sex with someone who had a terrible personality. But I'm really strange that way, I think. I don't think most women, and certainly not most men, are like that, although I did date a guy who was a virgin until he got married, and he didn't get married until he was over 30.


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## moonvine (Apr 6, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> I can. Keep it in your pants till marriage.
> 
> Recerational sex is the down fall of a lot of children these days. No birth contorl is 100%, its usually 99%. So if you do it 100 times, chances are, you'll pop out a kid.



I am not a statistician, but I don't think that the stats work that way. (Vickie will probably be able to shed more light on this). I think the stat is per 100 women using the method. So if 100 women are using the pill "perfectly" (taking it every day at the same time, etc), 1 pregnancy will result. 

If people were having 1 child per 100 times they had intercourse, the population problem would be a lot bigger.


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## pickleman357 (Apr 6, 2006)

moonvine said:


> I am not a statistician, but I don't think that the stats work that way. (Vickie will probably be able to shed more light on this). I think the stat is per 100 women using the method. So if 100 women are using the pill "perfectly" (taking it every day at the same time, etc), 1 pregnancy will result.
> 
> If people were having 1 child per 100 times they had intercourse, the population problem would be a lot bigger.



Probably.

Plus there are other factors, like the fertility and compatability of both partners. but you're still taking the risk no matter how small it is.

I know most people will still take that risk, and I know how difficult it is in the heat of the moment to stop and say no farther, espcially for the guy to say that when she's ready. But I still stand firmly behind what I say.


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## moonvine (Apr 6, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> Probably.
> 
> Plus there are other factors, like the fertility and compatability of both partners. but you're still taking the risk no matter how small it is.
> 
> I know most people will still take that risk, and I know how difficult it is in the heat of the moment to stop and say no farther, espcially for the guy to say that when she's ready. But I still stand firmly behind what I say.



Heh. This is almost funny to me, considering that at my age I might well need medical assistance to conceive.

Personally I would not avoid sex due to fear of pregancy. No one needs to bear children who doesn't want to. That's kind of what the whole sexual revolution/birth control thing was about. 

I would avoid it for moral reasons, though.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 6, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> I can. Keep it in your pants till marriage.
> 
> Recerational sex is the down fall of a lot of children these days. No birth contorl is 100%, its usually 99%. So if you do it 100 times, chances are, you'll pop out a kid. Now, if you didn't want to be with this woman and was just having some casual sex with her, guess what? You're going to spend the rest of your child's life with her whether you like it or not because it'll be both yours and hers. If you stay together, you could be miserable and give the kid a complex. If you're apart, you'll be setting a bad example of parents all together.
> 
> ...



Yes, because marriages NEVER go awry. Look, people are sexual entities. There's more than one answer than: Don't have sex and if you get pregnant, keep the kid, but don't get married.

You sound like an incredibly bitter person. You should NEVER even think of saying to a kid that their mother or father doesn't love them. That screws a kid up a lot worse than single parenting. If it's true, let the kid figure it out.

You never "know" if you want to spend the rest of your life with a person. If I married all the people I've been in serious relationships and loved and had sex with, I would have majorly screwed up.


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## sunandshadow (Apr 6, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> I can. Keep it in your pants till marriage.
> 
> Recerational sex is the down fall of a lot of children these days. No birth contorl is 100%, its usually 99%. So if you do it 100 times, chances are, you'll pop out a kid. Now, if you didn't want to be with this woman and was just having some casual sex with her, guess what? You're going to spend the rest of your child's life with her whether you like it or not because it'll be both yours and hers. If you stay together, you could be miserable and give the kid a complex. If you're apart, you'll be setting a bad example of parents all together.
> 
> ...



Well, firstly I'm a woman, so if I did manage to get unexpectedly pregnant it would be my choice whether to get an abortion or put the child up for adoption or keep it or whatever. I would like to have a baby, but not if I don't have a partner to help with the expenses and childcare time.

Secondly I definitely don't believe in marrying someone you haven't had sex with, you might find out that you were totally sexually incompatible.


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## pickleman357 (Apr 6, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Yes, because marriages NEVER go awry. Look, people are sexual entities. There's more than one answer than: Don't have sex and if you get pregnant, keep the kid, but don't get married.
> 
> You sound like an incredibly bitter person. You should NEVER even think of saying to a kid that their mother or father doesn't love them. That screws a kid up a lot worse than single parenting. If it's true, let the kid figure it out.
> 
> You never "know" if you want to spend the rest of your life with a person. If I married all the people I've been in serious relationships and loved and had sex with, I would have majorly screwed up.



Have you ever been a single parent? It is not easy at all. Thank God my parents are helping me otherwise I wouldn't be able to raise my son and would have to give him up for adoption. That... would probably steal every good night sleep from me for the rest of my life. Knowing that I made a human being, but I couldn't do anything to help raise him.

Well, my case is a very rare one where the mother sees the child for less then two hours a year. Less then 2 hours, every year.
I know my son one day will ask me why his mother doesn't come down and see him except for his brithday and chrismas. What would you like me to tell him?

Well, we never "know" anything 100%. Life has shown us that what we know today, could be false tomorrow.
But I find it helps the relationship if you enjoy spending time with each other, without sex at all. Knowing that there's more to one's relationship besides sex, is a nice comfort blanket IMO.



sunandshadow said:


> Secondly I definitely don't believe in marrying someone you haven't had sex with, you might find out that you were totally sexually incompatible.



You have a very very valid point. And I know that I can't be sure about the compatibility of my g/f. That is why I see nothing wrong with fooling around quite a bit and having open discussions about sex and what each partner wants from it. Just don't go all the way.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 6, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> Have you ever been a single parent? It is not easy at all. Thank God my parents are helping me otherwise I wouldn't be able to raise my son and would have to give him up for adoption. That... would probably steal every good night sleep from me for the rest of my life. Knowing that I made a human being, but I couldn't do anything to help raise him.
> 
> Well, my case is a very rare one where the mother sees the child for less then two hours a year. Less then 2 hours, every year.
> I know my son one day will ask me why his mother doesn't come down and see him except for his brithday and chrismas. What would you like me to tell him?
> ...



When did I run around claiming being a single parent was easy? And frankly, it takes a hell of a person to PLACE a child up for adoption if they can't care for the kid. It is not "giving the child up."

Yes, some mothers and fathers suck. However, that doesn't give you the right to badmouth her to your kid. That's extremely wrong on your part. My dad's done some rotten things to me, but my mom would have never pulled a stunt like that. Try, "Your mother's very mentally ill," once your child can understand. If you speak with compassion, your child will appreciate it more later. I'm telling you that as someone who had a really lousy parent. 

Just because people have sex before marriage does not mean there's less depth to a relationship. Just because that was the case with your relationship doesn't make it a universal truth. Also, marrying someone just because you're curious about sex when you're 15 is a TERRIBLE idea, and if we only had sex with people we married, that's exactly what would happen.


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## Jane (Apr 6, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> Have you ever been a single parent? It is not easy at all.


I was a single parent, and my 27 year old son is a wonderful, caring, self-supporting person. He is involved in a relationship with a wonderful young lady. I don't know if they will marry or not.

It was easier for me to raise a child alone than it would have been to agree on parenting styles with 99.9% of the people I have known.

I took full responsibility for the fact my son's father was not in his life. It was my choice. My son has not wanted to meet his biological father yet, but if he ever does, I will make whatever arrangements I can make to facilitate this.


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## pickleman357 (Apr 6, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> When did I run around claiming being a single parent was easy? And frankly, it takes a hell of a person to PLACE a child up for adoption if they can't care for the kid. It is not "giving the child up."
> 
> Yes, some mothers and fathers suck. However, that doesn't give you the right to badmouth her to your kid. That's extremely wrong on your part. My dad's done some rotten things to me, but my mom would have never pulled a stunt like that. Try, "Your mother's very mentally ill," once your child can understand. If you speak with compassion, your child will appreciate it more later. I'm telling you that as someone who had a really lousy parent.
> 
> Just because people have sex before marriage does not mean there's less depth to a relationship. Just because that was the case with your relationship doesn't make it a universal truth. Also, marrying someone just because you're curious about sex when you're 15 is a TERRIBLE idea, and if we only had sex with people we married, that's exactly what would happen.



I know I shouldn't bad mouth about the mother to my son. I know that. But one day the truth will come out, period. I can lie, and sugar coat things for years, but it doesn't change the fact that my son's mother, doesn't care to him. Its a rotten situation and there's very little I can do about it. My son is 4 years old right now, so I have time to figure out what to do.

I know not everyone is going to listen to me. D'uh. We have billions of people on this earth and each one of them totally unique. I know just because I say something, doesn't make it the law for everyone. All I'm asking is to concider what has happened to me, and don't let it happen to any of you. By what means, I'll leave it up to the person. By absentnence, or being more careful about who you have sex with. Just be totally aware of what you're getting into before you do it.

I believe that a lot of guys don't think about what they're doing. I mean really think about it and all the posibilities. Otherwise, I don't see how we can have so many couples that have accidentlly had kids and then the father walks off an leaves. I don't get it.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 6, 2006)

Okay, let's say she's an awful, evil, rotten, terrible person. What human good does it do, other than making you look terrible also, to say how awful she is? How about, "I don't agree with her choices,"? or, "She's made some very bad choices." Obviously she isn't totally heartless or she wouldn't show up for birthdays or Christmas either. While her behavior doesn't seem terrific, you don't seem like the most supportive or loving person either. 

I would be willing to bet money that you and the mother of your son were not using protection. Am I right?

As far as "being careful" about who I have sex with, I'd advise you to be damned careful about who you marry. Getting divorced is a lot harder than getting pregnant. Look at the rate of births vs. divorce rates.

The good news is, if you keep talking about your son's mother like she's a monster and keep talking about yourself like you're some fountain of genius and wisdom, I think that whole abstaining from sex thing should work out pretty good.


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## ChickletsBBW (Apr 6, 2006)

sadly.. I know I went through the faze of being cute enough to sleep with but not cute enough (or whatever) to date... pissed me off lol
SO.. i had my 'play days' and then got a little older and have found many more men that love to date bbws  

I think most guys (especially young ones) haven't accepted the fact they like bigger women and haven't gotten out of that "omg what will my friends/family say" mentality..

ah well.. we can just hope that more guys will come out of that closet!



lipmixgirl said:


> for some reason,this sentiment keeps echoing throughout my discourses, personal life and research...
> 
> what about this platform??? how many people getting off dimensions and meeting up in real life??? personals sites... match.com? eharmony? lavalife? OKCupid? dances??? cruises??? etc???? what are these forums for fat acceptance yielding???
> 
> ...


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Apr 6, 2006)

ChickletsBBW said:


> sadly.. I know I went through the faze of being cute enough to sleep with but not cute enough (or whatever) to date... pissed me off lol
> SO.. i had my 'play days' and then got a little older and have found many more men that love to date bbws
> 
> I think most guys (especially young ones) haven't accepted the fact they like bigger women and haven't gotten out of that "omg what will my friends/family say" mentality..
> ...



Sigh... I still fall under that mentality. This has been my effort to break out of it, so it's a work in progress...


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## pickleman357 (Apr 6, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Okay, let's say she's an awful, evil, rotten, terrible person. What human good does it do, other than making you look terrible also, to say how awful she is? How about, "I don't agree with her choices,"? or, "She's made some very bad choices." Obviously she isn't totally heartless or she wouldn't show up for birthdays or Christmas either. While her behavior doesn't seem terrific, you don't seem like the most supportive or loving person either.
> 
> I would be willing to bet money that you and the mother of your son were not using protection. Am I right?
> 
> ...


You don't know the mother. You know none of the reasons behind me calling her uncaring. I.... I don't even want to get into it here.... 


We were using protection, but just a condom. Like I said, I believe that a lot of guys dont' really think about what they're doing. I was one of them.

How can you compare a child and a divorce? When you have a kid with someone, you have that link to that person for the rest of your child's life whether you like that person or not. When you get a divorce, you split the money and you're done.

Well, I have a g/f who I've been going steady with almost 2 years. She knows of the mother and she on my case about basicaly the same stuff that you've been. 

And how is sharing my bad experience with the sole purpose to teach people how bad it could be (yes it could be worse) make me a fountain of genius and wisdom?
How is admitting I did something I didn't mean to, make me a better person then you? Can you please tell me why you think, that I think I'm a genius because I fucked up?
I just don't want people to make the same mistake I did. Why is that wrong?

And I'm sorry if I come across as an ass. I dont' mean to. Sorry



And if you're wondering, I dont' regret having my son. Before he came along, I didn't have any goals for life or any drive to do something with myself. Having a kid, set me straight. Also, because I'm a single parent, I got a huge loan form the government to go back to school so that I can make a future for my son and I. I want to raise him the best that I can, teach about life and the universe and everything. he's old enough now that I think I'm going to take him to the science centre in Toronto. Also when the musuem is done renovating, I'm taking him to see the dinosaurs. I can't wait to see the look of wonder on his face.  


This might be getting a little off topic.... probably should head to private messages... I dunno.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 7, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> You don't know the mother. You know none of the reasons behind me calling her uncaring. I.... I don't even want to get into it here....
> 
> We were using protection, but just a condom. Like I said, I believe that a lot of guys dont' really think about what they're doing. I was one of them.
> 
> ...



You're absolutely right. I don't know the mom. But again, even if she's Lucifer McSatan, Certified Child of the Fallen Morning Star, what good does it do to say to a kid, "Your mother's a rotten person who never cared about anyone but herself!"? Dig?

I wasn't comparing a child to a divorce. I was comparing a pregnancy to a divorce. And if you think divorce "ends it," you never heard the word "alimony." Also, I am fairly sure children can result out of marriage, although I have been neither pregnant nor married in my short time on earth.

If your girlfriend and other people feel this way, can you consider the possibility that you need to reconsider? Or that you don't know what's best for the world? You or I or anyone else really have no business telling others how to live their lives. That's the bottom line. People do not like being told what they're doing is wrong when they're not harming anyone. 

I'm glad you're focused on raising your kid; that's great. That SHOULD be your focus. But this topic, as you pointed out, is not about our lives, but about having people sleep with us, but not wanting to date us.


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## mossystate (Apr 7, 2006)

I am thinking the child will put together the pieces when he can understand why people do what they do.There is no reason, other than to satisfy a vindictive urge, to tell him the nitty gritty about his mom.Having said that, sounds like you love the little booger, so you will do the right thing for him.


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## olivefun (Apr 7, 2006)

My child's other parent is an idiot. 
OK I say it here, but never once in her life has she heard me say a bad thing about him. 

Right now your child is young but when he gets a bit older, this will be significant. You should be trying to build your child's self-esteem account. 
How can he feel good about himself if half his DNA comes from a flake/loser/asshole? 

I do not lie to my daughter. I just don't. 
When she was little, she would test me and say "do you love my daddy?". I would say "yes I do, because If I didn't love him as I did when I did, I wouldn't have someone as wonderful as you in my world". 

He does stupid things even now that really get under my skin. I have raised her since before she could walk or talk. 
When he upsets me, I yell at my friends in private, but around my daughter, I only mention the things about him that I really appreciate. 

My child's father had the very best dental hygiene of anyone I have ever known. He brushes his teeth and flosses with perfect regularity. I talk about it in front of my daughter. He says stupid things all the time and cannot bring himself to even say "hello" to me. 

We ran into each other around the corner from my house last month. I was pleasant, said hello to him and his g/f. 
He was a shaking uncomfortable weirdo. 
My daughter asked what I thought of his behavior. 
I said (the truth) that sometimes people act odd when they are taken by surprize. As difficult as this is, it helps her feel good about herself. 
It is not the easy route, but I think it will pay off. 
I warn you not to play with this. 
If you loved the woman (or the moment) enough to get her pregnant.. 
there have to be some redeeming things that you can express in front of your child. 

It is a good investment...


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## MsGreenLantern (Apr 7, 2006)

Blackjack_Jeeves said:


> Sigh... I still fall under that mentality. This has been my effort to break out of it, so it's a work in progress...



If we lived closer I'd totally help ya out. Parents loooove me, and I'm kinda dorky like yer average college guy


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## pickleman357 (Apr 7, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> You're absolutely right. I don't know the mom. But again, even if she's Lucifer McSatan, Certified Child of the Fallen Morning Star, what good does it do to say to a kid, "Your mother's a rotten person who never cared about anyone but herself!"? Dig?


I would never do that. Never, I don't know why you think I would. My point is, is that that is the truth, and my son, eventually will figure it out on his own. And when he does, and comes to me and asks what's going on with me and his mother, what am I to say?


> If your girlfriend and other people feel this way, can you consider the possibility that you need to reconsider? Or that you don't know what's best for the world? You or I or anyone else really have no business telling others how to live their lives. That's the bottom line. People do not like being told what they're doing is wrong when they're not harming anyone.


So... would you not try and stop a friend from smoking or doing drugs? If you know a car dealer is a rip off, would you not stop a friend from buying a car from there? Would you really sit by and let someone mess up their life for the sole reason that its not your business?!?


> I'm glad you're focused on raising your kid; that's great. That SHOULD be your focus. But this topic, as you pointed out, is not about our lives, but about having people sleep with us, but not wanting to date us.





olivefun said:


> I do not lie to my daughter. I just don't.
> When she was little, she would test me and say "do you love my daddy?". I would say "yes I do, because If I didn't love him as I did when I did, I wouldn't have someone as wonderful as you in my world".
> 
> He does stupid things even now that really get under my skin. I have raised her since before she could walk or talk.
> When he upsets me, I yell at my friends in private, but around my daughter, I only mention the things about him that I really appreciate.



That's got me thinking... and it does seem like a good idea. However when I think back to why I like my son's mother.... 99% of what I can think of is sexual in nature.....
So.... as the topic says she was nice to sleep with, but not good enough to date. I was thinking of breaking up with her just before she told me she was pregnant. So... This is one posibility of a relationship like that.
I know its rare, but... so are car accidents when you look at the number of cars on the road. We still take that risk and I know people will still have relationships that are just sexual in nature. I'm just showing what _could_ happen if you don't keep your eyes on the road.


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## GWARrior (Apr 7, 2006)

I love sex! :smitten:


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## RedHead (Apr 7, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> I would never do that. Never, I don't know why you think I would. My point is, is that that is the truth, and my son, eventually will figure it out on his own. And when he does, and comes to me and asks what's going on with me and his mother, what am I to say?



I believe a lot of people mistake the truth. Truth doesn't mean you have to say EVERYTHING. For instance when your son starts asking; why not take the high road, i.e.;
* Your mom and I were so happy to know you were coming into our lives
* Your mom loves you, it's just different from how daddy does, it doesn't make it bad, just different

You get the meaning; overcome any negative with a positive...it's not lying; but it is protecting that wonderful innocence that children so often have shattered due to us adults being complete morons.

When he "figures it out on his own" and asks...just say, we both love you sweety, but it just didn't work out between us. 

Trust me; if he is as loved as it seems he is by you. There probably won't be a lot of questions...he will have a full life; full of love by his daddy!


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## Jane (Apr 7, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> So... would you not try and stop a friend from smoking or doing drugs? If you know a car dealer is a rip off, would you not stop a friend from buying a car from there? Would you really sit by and let someone mess up their life for the sole reason that its not your business?!?


I think all these ladies are trying to do is to keep you from wrecking something with your son. You can take their advice or not.


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## pickleman357 (Apr 7, 2006)

RedHead said:


> I believe a lot of people mistake the truth. Truth doesn't mean you have to say EVERYTHING. For instance when your son starts asking; why not take the high road, i.e.;
> * Your mom and I were so happy to know you were coming into our lives
> * Your mom loves you, it's just different from how daddy does, it doesn't make it bad, just different
> 
> ...



You're probably right. But I think I have a good reason to worry. 

And yes I know everyone has good intentions and are helping me Jane. 

And I would like to thank you all for the suggestions.
Especially TheSadeianLinguist for her..... agressive caring.  

Peace!


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## RedHead (Apr 7, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> You're probably right. But I think I have a good reason to worry.



Matthew 6:34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I know it's not easy...but I saw your signature and thought this may speak to you louder than anything else I could say.


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## pickleman357 (Apr 7, 2006)

RedHead said:


> Matthew 6:34
> "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
> 
> I know it's not easy...but I saw your signature and thought this may speak to you louder than anything else I could say.



Uh yeah... it does LOL  

I mean d'uh... I should have made that connection myself.... :doh: d'oh

Thank you so much, you really blessed me!


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## Sweet Tooth (Apr 7, 2006)

I actually married a man I met here, in the chat room. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other before taking that step. I made sure we had compatible values, not just a physical attraction. I very purposefully told him exactly what I wanted in a relationship and in my life [marriage, kids] because, let's be honest, I'd have wasted my time and his had I tried to pussyfoot around just to get him only to lose him if his expectations didn't meet mine.

I think that's the first place I see a lot of people go wrong, no matter what their size. If you know what you want, maybe you're willing to date some people who don't want the same thing. And sometimes, if you date someone long enough, they mature and come to want the same things you do. But, if the guy is saying he's not interested in a commitment, and you're trying to strong-arm him into it... well, it's just not going to end up the way you want. There will be resentment and frustration, not good emotions to carry into a loving, healthy relationship. The flip side is that I think people need to be honest about what they can offer. If you like a woman to hang with, but really only want steady sex, tell her nicely. Maybe she isn't looking for something serious either. But if you lie to a person to trap them into the relationship YOU want, knowing that it's not what they want, that's sheer manipulation.

Okay, so off my rant and back to the questions....

I do see lots of people bashing others who won't be manipulated. When you know your mind and know your wishes, people who want to control you will use any methods to get you to conform to their will, even insults and cruelty. I can't tell you how many men tried this with me. Some were more successful [for a time] than others. I hope it's made me more sensitive to doing that to people in my life, too, knowing how frustrating and hurtful this manipulation can be.

And as for women with less self-esteem, I do think they're prey for plenty of users out there. I don't think it's just fat women, but I think fat women are prone to self-doubt because we're constantly bucking society's norms if we're living as healthy, happy, sexy fat people. I don't know if guys pretend to be FAs to take advantage of this or if there's just a fair number of FAs who happen to be jerks [just like in the skinny-loving world] and who can find a situation ripe for their idiocy. Perhaps that's a chicken/egg question. I do see the phenomenon, though, so it's out there.

Hang in there, and stay true to yourself.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 7, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> I would never do that. Never, I don't know why you think I would. My point is, is that that is the truth, and my son, eventually will figure it out on his own. And when he does, and comes to me and asks what's going on with me and his mother, what am I to say?
> 
> So... would you not try and stop a friend from smoking or doing drugs? If you know a car dealer is a rip off, would you not stop a friend from buying a car from there? Would you really sit by and let someone mess up their life for the sole reason that its not your business?!?



You were the one who said you'd have to tell your kid someday that his mom didn't care about him. Don't pretend it wasn't said now. That was my beef. The responsible thing to say is that his mother has problems, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him. You don't have the right to further poison their relationship.

Again, people aren't harming ANYONE by having sex out of wedlock if they're doing it responsibly. Most people know smoking cigarettes is a bad decision. I don't need to say that. As far as drugs go, depends on the drug. I'm a recreational user of some drugs myself. (That doesn't mean I use every day, or every week, or every month, or even every quarter.) If someone has an addiction to something like meth, you can't compare that to occassionally using LSD. Same goes for sex. If I date someone for six months and we're having sex, that's a big difference from a sexual addiction. Sex out of wedlock does NOT mess up your life. Sex OR marriage with someone who is a less than stellar individual is a bad idea. Let's say you MARRIED your child's mother and then got her pregnant. How would that make the situation any better?


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 7, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> You're probably right. But I think I have a good reason to worry.
> 
> And yes I know everyone has good intentions and are helping me Jane.
> 
> ...



Absolutely you have a reason to worry. You're raising a human being. Look, I'm telling you as a kid who's been stuck in the middle of parents' problems. That's all.


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## pickleman357 (Apr 7, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> You were the one who said you'd have to tell your kid someday that his mom didn't care about him. Don't pretend it wasn't said now. That was my beef. The responsible thing to say is that his mother has problems, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him. You don't have the right to further poison their relationship.


You're right, and I aplogize. I just get really really really frustrated with the whole situation..... sorry.



> Let's say you MARRIED your child's mother and then got her pregnant. How would that make the situation any better?



You made the conscious descision to spend the rest of your life with that person, instead of being forced because of a child.
And I know that having a child doesn't mean you have to get married, but you still have to deal with that person, even if you hate them and never want to see them again, because that person is still the other parent of you child.
And, as you have pointed out, you have to talk nicely about them regardless on how you feel in front of you child. Which is not an easy task.



> Absolutely you have a reason to worry. You're raising a human being. Look, I'm telling you as a kid who's been stuck in the middle of parents' problems. That's all.



I thank you for speaking up, and I swear that I will take your advice to heart.
Cheers!


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 7, 2006)

What does:

*"A guy like Conrad"* mean?

I'm puzzled by that.


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## Ladyrose1952 (Apr 7, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> Here's an idea
> 
> Don't have sex until you're married.
> And, don't get hitched at a Justice of the peace, make is special.
> ...


 
*Here, Here*! Now here is a young man that has his priorities straight. *MY HAT'S OFF TO YOU pickleman357!*


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## Ladyrose1952 (Apr 7, 2006)

Jane said:


> How about "quit thinking of sex as a commodity."
> 
> If you want to have sex with someone do. If you don't don't.
> 
> ...


 
* This is all so true. Sex and LOVE are two entirely different things and they don't always share the same stage in life.*

* If you want a LIFELONG LOVE, don't start it out with just the SEX first because that just will not happen on the average.*


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## Ladyrose1952 (Apr 7, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> I can. Keep it in your pants till marriage.
> 
> Recerational sex is the down fall of a lot of children these days. No birth contorl is 100%, its usually 99%. So if you do it 100 times, chances are, you'll pop out a kid. Now, if you didn't want to be with this woman and was just having some casual sex with her, guess what? You're going to spend the rest of your child's life with her whether you like it or not because it'll be both yours and hers. If you stay together, you could be miserable and give the kid a complex. If you're apart, you'll be setting a bad example of parents all together.
> 
> ...


 
You are so right there. Being a single Mother of four, I so agree with you. My first child was not planned, nor was my last and the lust that I had only got me a life of being alone without a good man by my side. Keep it in your pants until that certains someone actually MEANS something to you and you make the Total commitment to that relationship. STD's, unplanned pregnancies, short term marriages that lead to early divorces and other complications of the wrong sexual responces will be a lot less too.


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## Ladyrose1952 (Apr 7, 2006)

moonvine said:


> See, I don't have recreational sex. I'd really rather watch TV. I don't have sex with someone just because I think they are attractive, and I sure wouldn't have sex with someone who had a terrible personality. But I'm really strange that way, I think. I don't think most women, and certainly not most men, are like that, although I did date a guy who was a virgin until he got married, and he didn't get married until he was over 30.


 

Frankly, Ladyrose has not had SEX since her last daughter was concieved in 1991. I am not sexually dead nor have I forgotten how to pleasure a man. I just don't choose to spread my legs just for any man that comes along and shows me some attention. *I have a lot more respect for myself, my body and my self-esteem than that.*

*I LOVE SEX* and I am very *GOOD *at it, but only with a man that is special and has committed himself to me as I him. * NO ONE NIGHT STANDS FOR LADYROSE!*

Any *BEE* can go from blossum to blossum to blossum, but it takes a strong *BLOSSUM* to admit the best _*BEE*_.

_There's a lot to say for waiting for the right man to come along, he will have all of what I have to offer with knowing that it was saved just for him and only him and for the *LIFELONG ROMANCE* of his life._


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## Ladyrose1952 (Apr 7, 2006)

pickleman357 said:


> You're probably right. But I think I have a good reason to worry.
> 
> And yes I know everyone has good intentions and are helping me Jane.
> 
> ...


 
*pickleman537*, the best advice that I can give to you is my voice of experience when it come to your child and your ex. You must always be up front and honest with your child at all times. Let the ex hang herself, they most always do.

In time, my ex hung himself and until the day he died, they would have nothing to do with him because of it.

Just be honest with your child, it will all into place..... in time.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 7, 2006)

A one night stand with ther right man can be a night to remember too! I say if you want to have sex have it - if you want to wait until you get a commitmen, wait. Sex can be mind-numbingly great without love too.


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## Ladyrose1952 (Apr 7, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> A one night stand with ther right man can be a night to remember too! I say if you want to have sex have it - if you want to wait until you get a commitmen, wait. Sex can be mind-numbingly great without love too.


 
*Agreed*. It all stems down to personal preferances.


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## JMNYC (Apr 7, 2006)

Mountains moved when I took 100% responsibility for who showed up in my life...


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## RedHead (Apr 8, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> A one night stand with ther right man can be a night to remember too! I say if you want to have sex have it - if you want to wait until you get a commitmen, wait. Sex can be mind-numbingly great without love too.



Sandie...agreed; if you are going for sex; make it just that. Right after my divorce I was kind of stinging from some "words" and decided I needed to prove my sexuality. I picked out a guy and told him in no uncertain terms that all I wanted was sex, no committment, no boyfriend crap, no relationship etc...my "guy" friend who was in the room who overheard me basically telling this guy this said "Sheesh Red, you know I guy likes to think he at least has a chance!" I laughed and told him I'd rather make sure they knew where we all stood!

It's weird because before I married the first time I was celibate for over 10 years and I didn't sleep with my husband until the wedding night. But after the divorce, I really just needed to prove something to myself.


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