# A problem with immobility



## Russell Williams (Nov 27, 2008)

A person who is immobile or close to it needs a caretaker. What happens when the caretaker needs a caretaker?

D. B. is a friend of mine. D. B. is a very beautiful, charming, intelligent, delightful woman who weighs around 550 pounds and has trouble walking more than 30 or 40 feet. DB has a husband who is strong, devoted, loving, loyal, and has a secure job with good pay and good health benefits. The husband of DB takes very good care of his beautiful and wonderful wife.

According to information that DB has posted on a different discussion board and also told me herself, in the last three years her devoted husband has had heart operations to increase the blood flow to his heart. These hospitalization were followed by the discovery of tuberculosis for which he is being treated. DB's latest posting informs the people on the board she posts on that her beloved husband has now been diagnosed with a particularly aggressive form of prostate cancer. Depending on the type of treatment given for the prostate cancer DB's husband may soon need a caretaker.

I have no answers. I only know that when the loving caretaker suddenly needs a caretaker, life for an immobile person gets more complicated.


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## Miss Vickie (Nov 27, 2008)

If they have health insurance, they should be able to get some home nursing or caretaking service. It's not the same as having someone you love but it sounds like they BOTH need assistance. What a sad situation.


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## AshleyEileen (Nov 27, 2008)

Hypothetically, if I were ever in this case, I'd get help to lose weight so I could take care of my husband. He obviously needs the help more.


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## Jay West Coast (Nov 27, 2008)

AshleyEileen said:


> Hypothetically, if I were ever in this case, I'd get help to lose weight so I could take care of my husband. He obviously needs the help more.



Hypothetically, if I were ever in this case, I'd just get over my cancer so that I could take care of my immobile wife.


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## Tooz (Nov 27, 2008)

AshleyEileen said:


> Hypothetically, if I were ever in this case, I'd get help to lose weight so I could take care of my husband. He obviously needs the help more.



_Obviously_.

Things like this are, sadly, not so cut and dry. Jay, dear, you make a fabulous point. :batting:


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## Sandie S-R (Nov 27, 2008)

Jay West Coast said:


> Hypothetically, if I were ever in this case, I'd just get over my cancer so that I could take care of my immobile wife.



Jay, you rock. 

Someone rep Jay for me, please. 

View attachment 101.jpg


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## Blackjack (Nov 27, 2008)

Sandie S-R said:


> Jay, you rock.
> 
> Someone rep Jay for me, please.



Got 'im.text


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## Sandie S-R (Nov 27, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Got 'im.text




Thanks, Beej!!


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## Mini (Nov 27, 2008)

Am I the only one who's somewhat amused by the headline "A problem with immobility"? Like, y'know, other than being fucking immobile, it's not really all that bad.


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## orin (Nov 27, 2008)

Jay West Coast said:


> Hypothetically, if I were ever in this case, I'd just get over my cancer so that I could take care of my immobile wife.



.... her immobility is caused by the weight she had gained and can loose though it takes time .. its not impossible ... 

cancer is a growth one CANNOT CONTROL period .... 

you are wrong for that ... in my opinion!!!

His wife is immoble because of a self inflicted issue ... the mans body had developed a CANCER .. tooo totally different things !!!


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## tonynyc (Nov 27, 2008)

It's a very sad scenario (who knows who aggressive this poor man's cancer is and what he has to deal with) - I hope that in the interim DB and her husband are able to get the support from Visiting Nurse Service - Local Social Service Agency to coordinate their daily care.


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## Mini (Nov 27, 2008)

orin said:


> .... her immobility is caused by the weight she had gained and can loose though it takes time .. its not impossible ...
> 
> cancer is a growth one CANNOT CONTROL period ....
> 
> ...



The point, you have missed it.


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## Wagimawr (Nov 27, 2008)

orin said:


> cancer is a growth one CANNOT CONTROL period ....


and weight is a growth (ha!) one ALSO CANNOT...CAN...CANNOT CONTROL period ....

I think. Oh hell, I don't know any more.

(what I do know is that was Jay's point, and his post is not to be taken seriously beyond the sarcasm it was seriously trying to get across.


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## Risible (Nov 27, 2008)

Jay West Coast said:


> Hypothetically, if I were ever in this case, I'd just get over my cancer so that I could take care of my immobile wife.



Improving my mobility during extreme circumstances? That I can do. "Get over cancer"? No. In fact, I'm having a hard time getting over the fact that my mom died of cancer, let alone telling my husband to "get over it" if he were to develop cancer.


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## Tooz (Nov 27, 2008)

Risible said:


> Improving my mobility during extreme circumstances? That I can do. "Get over cancer"? No. In fact, I'm having a hard time getting over the fact that my mom died of cancer, let alone telling my husband to "get over it" if he were to develop cancer.



I believe he was trying to make a point to another poster earlier in the thread who downplayed the complexity of the situation and the woman's supposed ability to lose weight.


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## Wagimawr (Nov 27, 2008)

I know he was making the point that "just lose weight" is not an option for some people, just like "just get over cancer" is not an option for anyone.

Let's be as direct as possible here, to avoid confusion and enhance understanding.


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## Diego (Nov 27, 2008)

Jay West Coast said:


> Hypothetically, if I were ever in this case, I'd just get over my cancer so that I could take care of my immobile wife.



Cancer is not self inflicted.


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## Wagimawr (Nov 27, 2008)

Neither is obesity, in many cases.


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## diggers1917 (Nov 27, 2008)

Mini said:


> Am I the only one who's somewhat amused by the headline "A problem with immobility"? Like, y'know, other than being fucking immobile, it's not really all that bad.



Indeed. Did no one else read the title and think "Well, _top_ of the list..."...?


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## Diego (Nov 27, 2008)

I try not to insult because i hate when people have discrimination, but I think is a little deluded to compare both.

People with cancer will try everything to get better, sometimes with no success. Chemo, radio, surgery, all really horrible.

Obesity is a direct result from intaking more than you burn. It doesn't matter what your metabolism is like, there is healthy control of portions for everyperson. People of big size can still do some limited exercise. I now a few people have the thyroid problems, but in most cases they (obese people) gain the weight and don't have the willpower to lose it.

Of course i don't have problem with obese people at all, i just think is a little selfish though reaching immobility and relying on other people to look you after. Is your choice being big and making things harder on yourself (because many of us like it), but when you put your problems on other person i think then it has to stop.


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## cinnamitch (Nov 27, 2008)

Diego said:


> I try not to insult because i hate when people have discrimination, but I think is a little deluded to compare both.
> 
> People with cancer will try everything to get better, sometimes with no success. Chemo, radio, surgery, all really horrible.
> 
> ...




Its nice you dont " have a problem" with obese people. Its good to know we are tolerated. So you are on a forum that deals with obese and in a lot of cases obesity that has rendered some immobile and then you say when its to that point where we have to have others help us then its time to stop . Dude i agree


CINDY STOP BEING FAT RIGHT NOW DO YOU HEAR ME! ( Since i am Cindy i hope you can catch the not so veiled sarcasm here)


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## Diego (Nov 27, 2008)

cinnamitch said:


> Its nice you dont " have a problem" with obese people. Its good to know we are tolerated. So you are on a forum that deals with obese and in a lot of cases obesity that has rendered some immobile and then you say when its to that point where we have to have others help us then its time to stop . Dude i agree
> 
> 
> CINDY STOP BEING FAT RIGHT NOW DO YOU HEAR ME! ( Since i am Cindy i hope you can catch the not so veiled sarcasm here)



My english is not so good so is hard to express what i mean sometimes. You don't have to be mean to me!

Obviously i liking big people otherwise i wouldn't be here. I just saying that we can do whatever we want with ourself so long as it doesn't become someone else problem.


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## cinnamitch (Nov 27, 2008)

But see there you have to decide if it is a problem . Some people have a wonderful support system in place and for them it works. What you dont understand is that being obese is not something you turn on or turn off. We cant just will ourselves thin, well at least not all of us. It is sad that the caregiver of the lady is having health problems but to suggest that all she has to do is lose weight if she wants to make it easier on him just isnt fair. Im not mad at you, i just dont like blanket statements


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## Diego (Nov 27, 2008)

cinnamitch said:


> But see there you have to decide if it is a problem . Some people have a wonderful support system in place and for them it works. What you dont understand is that being obese is not something you turn on or turn off. We cant just will ourselves thin, well at least not all of us. It is sad that the caregiver of the lady is having health problems but to suggest that all she has to do is lose weight if she wants to make it easier on him just isnt fair. Im not mad at you, i just dont like blanket statements



Yeah, I now what you mean and I am sorry for making that statements. If the person who is caring for you enjoys doing it, then is not a problem


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## superodalisque (Nov 27, 2008)

i took care of my mother when she had cancer. its really difficult even when they are in the hospital. its even more difficult when they come home. and i am a very healthy and able ssbbw. everything about it, even going to visit the hospital or long termed care facility (if she choses to use one) would be extraordinarily difficult for someone imobile. most insurance won't do much when it comes to in home care. they love finding ways to get out of it. or if they do provide it its only for very short periods of time. its very expensive. and even if they do pay its not all of the amount. hopefully they have supplimental insurance as well.

if he was diagnosed with cancer before they could get their insurance ducks in a row its likely that it would be very difficult to get very decent affordable health care. its best to arrange for some kind of long termed or in home care before you ever get sick because you never know when it could happen. as dificult as it is for thin people its even more difficult if your over weight. also some home health aides etc... strictly refuse to work for people who are highly over weight. they may come and take care of her husband but maybe not her. and they don't have to because many of them work for agencies as independent contractors and there is no law that forces them to. the best bet is to get family and friends to chip in. maybe some dims members who are close could go and help.


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## SocialbFly (Nov 28, 2008)

Diego said:


> I try not to insult because i hate when people have discrimination, but I think is a little deluded to compare both.
> 
> People with cancer will try everything to get better, sometimes with no success. Chemo, radio, surgery, all really horrible.
> 
> ...



I think in the mood i am in today, and tired, we will have to agree to disagree, your comments....so like what society thinks...it is all my choice to be big, i love being this fat and hobbling around...thank you so much for showing me the error of my ways, i will address it as soon as i can get off the couch.


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## Chimpi (Nov 28, 2008)

May I join you on that couch, Social? :blush:


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## SamanthaNY (Nov 28, 2008)

We're gonna need a bigger couch.


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## sunnie1653 (Nov 28, 2008)

Diego said:


> I try not to insult because i hate when people have discrimination, but I think is a little deluded to compare both.
> 
> People with cancer will try everything to get better, sometimes with no success. Chemo, radio, surgery, all really horrible.
> 
> ...




I'm so glad you don't have a problem with obese people... because you know we're ALL fat because that's the way we "chose" to be. None of us have medical disorders that make it 10 times more difficult to lose weight. Seriously. Look around at your environment before talking out of your ass, please. Language barrier or not.. its still coming out the wrong end.


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## B68 (Nov 28, 2008)

Diego, your English is good enough to avoid being misunderstood

Some people are caught by their metabolism. Some can lose weight quite succesfully by a personal diet. But there are many people who can't because their bodies go in the defense mode when they're 'attacked' by a diet. 

In a lot of these cases their metabolism was already destroyed by dieting. If i'm correct, i think Teighlor (the model) had this too. 

Even in the Netherlands, relatively one of the healthiest countries, we've an obesity movement that's been fighting since the eighties for better healthcare for the obese. And there are many doctors in that movement because they see the lack of understanding even in the medical world.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 28, 2008)

orin said:


> His wife is immoble because of a self inflicted issue ...




Thank you, I love learning how people feel when it comes right down to it.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 28, 2008)

Diego said:


> I try not to insult because i hate when people have discrimination, but I think is a little deluded to compare both.
> 
> People with cancer will try everything to get better, sometimes with no success. Chemo, radio, surgery, all really horrible.
> 
> ...



I thank you as well, again.... love getting at the heart of people's feelings on things - makes things so much clearer moving forward.


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## supersoup (Nov 28, 2008)

not even two full pages, and i've been slapped with all sorts of rampant ignorance.

nice.


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## Sicilia_Curves (Nov 28, 2008)

You could always put an ad on craigslist in your area to find home care help for a small fee! I'd do it if you are in California! I'm a CMA...


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## Diego (Nov 28, 2008)

I see what you all saying and I'm sorry. I maybe don't have a good understanding because i haven't had the problem. But like, I usually defend big people so is not something i did to mean to hurt anyone. 

I'm sorry everyone offended.


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## Jon Blaze (Nov 28, 2008)

Diego said:


> I see what you all saying and I'm sorry. I maybe don't have a good understanding because i haven't had the problem. But like, I usually defend big people so is not something i did to mean to hurt anyone.
> 
> I'm sorry everyone offended.



It's just not simple. The point of Jay's sarcastic post (Again) was that it, just like cancer is very complex. Even if obesity was always a direct overconsumption, the formula for metabolism in order to even try to calculate it individually for every person would be the size of an encyclopedia.


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## Jay West Coast (Nov 29, 2008)

supersoup said:


> not even two full pages, and i've been slapped with all sorts of rampant ignorance.
> 
> nice.



I'm no professed expert, and I'm sure my point was much more eloquent as simple sarcasm in my first post. Thank you guys who understood it right away.

But, for the record, I thought it might be useful to explain the point I was trying to make. (I have two disclaimers on this diagram, however. First of all, this isn't as accurate for people like gainers, where psychology & sexuality would be the main factor leading to fatness. Secondly, I by no means would like to insinuate that fatness and cancer are both diseases. Cancer is a disease. Fatness is a Way of Being.)

_The point here is to say that fatness comes from a complex and interwoven set of causes, that aren't necessarily due to abject laziness or dietary uncontrol. Likewise, cancer comes from a set of a set of not-so-different and also poorly understood set of factors._ Because of the complexity of each, neither is easily "undone."

If either of these had simple factors or resolutions (for lack of a better term), cancer would be rare, and fatness would be uncommon. In reality, over one million Americans a year are diagnosed with cancer, and the majority of people here are "overweight."

Moral of the story, telling people to "just lose weight" is problematic right from the get-go. There are a myriad of other reasons why not to, but this is the first one on the list (others include: privacy, self-determination, beauty, sexuality, and socially-accepted mythological linkages between fat and most other life/physical issues). Especially if someone is fat enough that it causes immobility, the reality is clearly more complex than your "you should just lose weight" advice merits.

Hopefully that helps to dispel some of the "ignorance?" 

View attachment FatnessA.jpg


View attachment CancerB.jpg


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## Tracyarts (Nov 29, 2008)

" Am I the only one who's somewhat amused by the headline "A problem with immobility"? Like, y'know, other than being fucking immobile, it's not really all that bad. "

Amused but in a really cynical kind of way. Reminds me of what some guy who claimed to be a friend and "admirer" told me several years ago when I hurt my back and had to lose some weight in order to not become wheelchair bound. He said "Why do you want to destroy your looks just to help your back? You don't need to walk, you have a husband who can take care of you at home and push you around in a wheelchair if you ever need to get out." The thing that was absolutely hysterical to me was that this guy seemed to genuinely have NO IDEA why I was offended and why that was not a perfectly acceptable solution to the problem. And I just never could get through to him. To him immobility was just no big deal. 

Tracy


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## TallFatSue (Nov 29, 2008)

Tracyarts said:


> " Am I the only one who's somewhat amused by the headline "A problem with immobility"? Like, y'know, other than being fucking immobile, it's not really all that bad. "
> 
> Amused but in a really cynical kind of way. Reminds me of what some guy who claimed to be a friend and "admirer" told me several years ago when I hurt my back and had to lose some weight in order to not become wheelchair bound. He said "Why do you want to destroy your looks just to help your back? You don't need to walk, you have a husband who can take care of you at home and push you around in a wheelchair if you ever need to get out." The thing that was absolutely hysterical to me was that this guy seemed to genuinely have NO IDEA why I was offended and why that was not a perfectly acceptable solution to the problem. And I just never could get through to him. To him immobility was just no big deal.
> 
> Tracy


I had a brush with some minor mobility problems a few months ago. For years I was pretty stable at about 450lb. But this year, thanx to more business travel than ever, and eating big meals on crazy schedules, my weight crept over the 500lb barrier. It took me much more effort to do simple things like stand up, walk etc. My feet also got sore very easily, and sometimes I became short of breath. Since then, I've lowered my weight to about 480lb, I feel much more better and now I can do almost everything I used to do.

I never want to be thin because I enjoy the fringe benefits of my fat far too much, and starving myself would be slow torture. Nonetheless, when my mobility became compromised, and possibly my health too, I made the effort to bring my weight back down to be comfortable and fully mobile again.


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## SamanthaNY (Nov 29, 2008)

Tracyarts said:


> To him immobility was just no big deal.


Sure - as long as it was a fat woman's immobility/pain/stress, and not his own. As long as he could get a rise out if it, it shouldn't be a big deal to anyone else. It's amazing how far rationalizations can go astray. 

I encountered something similar when I broke my leg a number of years ago. A couple of guys came out of the woodwork, completely enthralled at the thought of 1) a fat woman breaking her bones and 2) fat women on crutches. It's all they wanted to talk about. 

:doh:


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## Ruby Ripples (Nov 30, 2008)

SamanthaNY said:


> We're gonna need a bigger couch.



No we won't, I'll just sit on SoCal, after all, she got herself fat and squashy, so til she bothers to do something about it, I'll make the most of her.


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## SocialbFly (Dec 1, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> No we won't, I'll just sit on SoCal, after all, she got herself fat and squashy, so til she bothers to do something about it, I'll make the most of her.



The more the merrier, can we have an "i am so immobile, i am pitiful!" party?


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## fatgirlflyin (Dec 1, 2008)

orin said:


> .... her immobility is caused by the weight she had gained and can loose though it takes time .. its not impossible ...
> 
> cancer is a growth one CANNOT CONTROL period ....
> 
> ...



Being fat isn't always self inflicted. 

We don't all sit around all day watching soap operas and eating twinkies.


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## T_Devil (Dec 1, 2008)

Jay West Coast said:


> Hypothetically, if I were ever in this case, I'd just get over my cancer so that I could take care of my immobile wife.



Totally missed the sarcasm. I truly am sorry. You know what though, I did flash back to my mother in law when she was dying of cancer and taking her last breath in a hospital room with her family around her, and then everybody crying when she stopped breathing....

... so thank you for that. _It's such a pleasant memory.
_ *not really*
Sarcasm: the product you use with obviousness, not complexity.


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## Tooz (Dec 1, 2008)

T_Devil said:


> Totally missed the sarcasm. I truly am sorry. You know what though, I did flash back to my mother in law when she was dying of cancer and taking her last breath in a hospital room with her family around her, and then everybody crying when she stopped breathing....
> 
> ... so thank you for that. _It's such a pleasant memory.
> _ *not really*
> Sarcasm: the product you use with obviousness, not complexity.



His sarcasm was pretty obvious.


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## LillyBBBW (Dec 1, 2008)

Diego said:


> I try not to insult because i hate when people have discrimination, but I think is a little deluded to compare both.
> 
> People with cancer will try everything to get better, sometimes with no success. Chemo, radio, surgery, all really horrible.
> 
> ...



Actually the prostate cancer survival rate can be anywhere from 77 - 93% depending on the treatment and how early its caught. The percentages for beating obesity is much lower. Despite these statistics I'd much rather be obese though most of society feels differently according to surveys. People would rather have cancer than be obese.


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## T_Devil (Dec 2, 2008)

Tooz said:


> His sarcasm was pretty obvious.


Then I guess I'm just an idiot.


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## Tooz (Dec 2, 2008)

T_Devil said:


> Then I guess I'm just an idiot.



I can't speak for your intellect, I was just stating that I immediately saw his sarcasm.


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## boots (Dec 10, 2008)

ZOMG, teh immobilz! *Fap fap fap*


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## blueeyedevie (Dec 10, 2008)

I have seen firsthand this situation. My grandmother was basically immobile, not exactly from her weight, but her weight did not help the situation at all. She was very ill and she was about 400lbs. My grandfather a pastor and carpenter was a very strong man, 6ft, about 450lbs himself but lean and in good shape. That is till he had a heart attack. Fortunately for my grandparents I was a very willing seventeen year old that knew how to take care of my grandmother already and was able to learn how to take care of my grandfather. It was very hard on my Grandparents when this happened. My grandmother was so dependent on her husband that no one could please her like he could. My grandfather was so independent period that he was miserable trying to recover. They both ended up going into the nursing home together, I got where I could not lift my grandmother. My Grandfather fully recovered, was out in just a matter of a month or so. The next two years he spent every moment by my grandmothers side. Years, later When I was at my heaviest weight and without a relationship but had someone that took care of me, I thought about my grandparents and their bound. I thought about what if I was to never lose weight, what would I do if someone was not around to care for me? What would I do? Even now at 548lbs a much more mobile and able weight, I worry about what if I get sick, what if my spouse gets sick and I am not able to care for them as well as say a physical fit person. It is like the thought in my mind now; I want to lose some weight so I can be a mother. Its the same principle I want to be a good spouse, if there is something I need to do, I will do it. There is always the what ifs in any situation and you have to know what youre willing to or not to do. Even though there may have been (unknown to us) situations that caused this person immobility, she may or may not have caused it purposely. However we all know you cannot just snap your fingers and lose weight. Neither can you just cure yourself of cancer. I can imagine she is feeling very helpless and scared, for not only herself but her spouse and somethings one might say in that situation would/could probably sound a bit off handed to most. 
I have to wonder if they have offered the husband the shot method of treatment for the prostate Cancer. My Grandfather is gone now, he passed away this year of Parkinsons but also had Prostate Cancer for about 8 years and it was only progressive once, when they first found it, he began this serious of twice a year shots and it stayed non-progressive after that. If like you said they have good health coverage, there are many options. There are programs out there that you can get privately or threw a public nursing system to have in home around the clock or part time care. It all depends on how much money and how much coverage you have. If the money isnt there then there are also options for applying for aids threw government help. So on and so forth Best of wishes for your friend


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## No-No-Badkitty (Dec 10, 2008)

orin said:


> .... her immobility is caused by the weight she had gained and can loose though it takes time .. its not impossible ...
> 
> cancer is a growth one CANNOT CONTROL period ....
> 
> ...




Spoken just like someone who has never been fat and has no idea what it entails. Not all fat people purposely gain weight. Some of us just gain it. And gaining it is beyond our control.
So no, not all fat people can just "loose the weight"...aside from forced starvation...and trust me someone starving themselves to loose weight is in no shape to care for anyone.


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## No-No-Badkitty (Dec 10, 2008)

Diego said:


> Obesity is a direct result from intaking more than you burn. It doesn't matter what your metabolism is like, there is healthy control of portions for everyperson.




Um. NO.

Just because someone is fat it doesn't mean they are eating themselves into that position. People do get fat for reasons that are not understood. 
You are lucky that your body burns and metabolizes correctly. Not all of us are made that way.


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## LisaInNC (Dec 12, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> Being fat isn't always self inflicted.
> 
> We don't all sit around all day watching soap operas and eating twinkies.



Speak for yourself :eat2:


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## BothGunsBlazing (Dec 12, 2008)

T_Devil said:


> Totally missed the sarcasm. I truly am sorry. You know what though, I did flash back to my mother in law when she was dying of cancer and taking her last breath in a hospital room with her family around her, and then everybody crying when she stopped breathing....
> 
> ... so thank you for that. _It's such a pleasant memory.
> _ *not really*
> Sarcasm: the product you use with obviousness, not complexity.



Complexity is the issue here. He was just saying that both immobility and cancer are very complex issues and not easily discarded with a "well, get rid of it, cause you know, it's just that easy"

He wasn't making light of cancer, at all.


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## Victim (Dec 12, 2008)

'Weight control' can be a relative term. If I eat very little I might go down to 255 or so. If I eat a lot and don't work much, I'm around 285. I have never varied from this range for 20 yrs or so. I'm comfortable with my size, and my size seems to be comfortable with me.


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## witchysbbw (Jan 2, 2009)

One does not "reach" immobility because sometimes it comes on very quickly. In August 2003, I was fine walking with the aid of a cane one morning, came home sick from work, took a nap and awoke unable to support my weight. That was 5 years ago and I have had to use a walker and wheelchair ever since. No one was ever able to diagnose the condition and I had to go on with my life. 

I fully understand D.B.'s dilemma. My husband was always my strenghth. He did all the heavy lifting and physical chores. He was stricken with Transverse Myelitis and a spinal abscess in Nov 2002 which left him paralyzed from the upper waist down. He was told that he would probably never walk again after a 4 month hospitalization. Luckily they, the experts, were not completely right but he still requires the use of a powerchair. 

We too are a family of two immoble people. We have learned to rely on each other, the kindness of friends & family, and various professionals. We live indepentently but I realize that many cannot. D.B. and her husband should look into home health providers usually paid by insurance, senior volunteer groups that help senior citizens & home bound persons and other community services. Usually your city agencies or the United Way has a listing of these. If things get too difficult, they could consider an assisted living facility which still allows privacy and independence. 

They face a hard road. Sometimes all you can do is sit and cry, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. To those persons that were harsh, just remember that you cannot judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

:bow:


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## edtarboosh (Jan 3, 2009)

This is my first post here and I'm a little nervous.

I am very torn on this issue. My wife was stable around 350 lbs before an 18 month illness we eventually learned was caused by a side-effect of Lyme's disease. Though she is completely free of the disease now she grew to over 560 lbs and is relatively immobile. She is very comfortable being this fat and I'm very attracted to her added curves. However, as I'm sure many of you hear, the doctors clearly don't approve of this weight gain and consider me an enabler for feeding and caring for her, as do other members of our family. I too worry very much about her health although she seems healthy now except for her limited mobility. She seems perfectly happy and wants no changes.

We live in a rural area where mobile care is not available and without my assistance, my wife would starve. Another downside, frankly, is that all this care is wearing on me and although I love her fatness, bathing her and wiping her feces from a myriad of folds at times is not "sexy". Sex is much more difficult and limited now although her sex drive is still quite high. Sometimes I find it hard to satisfy her and this makes me feel inadequate.

I've been telling her how beautiful she is and how much I love her but that we just can't go on this way. I want her to be healthier and to live longer and, honestly in my selfishness, I am not anxious to spend the rest of my life as a slave to her obesity. She'll say she'll do it for me and make an effort for a week or two and then go back to her overeating and ditch the limited exercises the doctor gave her to do. I realize that things won't work until she wants to lose the weight for herself. When I insist on making her diet more healthy and limiting her portions she practically goes crazy and I feel guilty and give in. What should I do?

I have a question for the obese here who have plateaued at higher and higher weights over years and then tried to lose weight but not become non-obese. Can you go back to an earlier plateau and ever feel sated and satisfied again? Or is going backwards something that really can never be the same again without constant struggle (or surgery). If my wife can't get back to 350 lbs (or thereabouts) without always feeling like she's starving herself then maybe I just need to bite the bullet and accept her the way she is. I don't want her to have to suffer the rest of her life.


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## LillyBBBW (Jan 4, 2009)

edtarboosh said:


> This is my first post here and I'm a little nervous.
> 
> I am very torn on this issue. My wife was stable around 350 lbs before an 18 month illness we eventually learned was caused by a side-effect of Lyme's disease. Though she is completely free of the disease now she grew to over 560 lbs and is relatively immobile. She is very comfortable being this fat and I'm very attracted to her added curves. However, as I'm sure many of you hear, the doctors clearly don't approve of this weight gain and consider me an enabler for feeding and caring for her, as do other members of our family. I too worry very much about her health although she seems healthy now except for her limited mobility. She seems perfectly happy and wants no changes.
> 
> ...



My weight has always climbed since birth, ten pounds a year. I'm 42 and 420 pounds, right on schedule. I'm not going out of my way to gain. I eat when I'm hungry and do what comes natural for me, fresh from the proper food chain. It's probably a little bit more than Lindsey Lohan does but to the dismay of many I'm not able to pack it away either. That's the thing though. If you attempt to increase your intake of foods there is no way one can maintain that forever without getting sick. Same goes for limiting one's intake, the body will rebel. You can't change bodily functions, the way you see, the voice you have, the way your hair grows. If you think your wife is deliberatley overeating there might be something to work with but if this is the way she eats, changing it will only bring misery and results will be temporary. That's my opinion anyway.

When I had Lyme I ate hearty comfort food like a lumberjack. Don't know why but somewhere I knew that my body needed the excess to survive, of that I'm certain to this day. It took a year for me to recover from Lyme even after I was treated. That was years ago and I'm back to normal now but I recall then that I ate massive amounts to keep my strength up. It was one of the things that tipped me off that something was wrong.


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