# A question for the FFA...



## The Educator (Oct 26, 2009)

Why do you think there are so many more overt male fat admirers than female ones? Is it just that men are more explicit about their preferences and fetishes? Or is it that physical appearance of a partner is more important to men than it is to women? If so, does that mean FFA are more superficial than other women?

Please don't take this question as a judgment; everyone has the right to be who they are and Dimensions is the place to discuss it :happy:


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## Dusselchen (Oct 27, 2009)

The Educator said:


> If so, does that mean FFA are more superficial than other women?



No, we're just picky 

Honestly, I'm not sure if there are less FFA than FA... maybe FFAs are less likely to come out of the closet?
If a FA says he's into "real women" with curves- well that tends to be accepted.
But "real men" are seen as the "Conan-Type"... So FFAs are more likely to say "his size does not really matter" and not "Hey, he's sexy, so what?"


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## Tad (Oct 27, 2009)

By 'overt' what do you mean? Do you mean "posting at Dimensions" or "apt to visibly check someone out in public" or just what?

I have some more thoughts on this topic, but I want to understand exactly what you are asking before I answer.


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 28, 2009)

Speaking only for myself, being in to BHMs is not really a thing. At least I never thought it was. I'm actually surprised to see the following here that exists. In my experience most women don't give too much thought to what they are in to so to see people in general coming out and standing beneath a banner seems really extra.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 28, 2009)

Dusselchen said:


> No, we're just picky
> 
> Honestly, I'm not sure if there are less FFA than FA... maybe FFAs are less likely to come out of the closet?
> If a FA says he's into "real women" with curves- well that tends to be accepted.
> But "real men" are seen as the "Conan-Type"... So FFAs are more likely to say "his size does not really matter" and not "Hey, he's sexy, so what?"



I can say i've had that response when I mentioned liking BHM. One guy said something along the lines of "I can see liking fat women because they would be more womanly by having larger breasts or hips, but not fat guys."


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## The Educator (Oct 28, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> I can say i've had that response when I mentioned liking BHM. One guy said something along the lines of "I can see liking fat women because they would be more womanly by having larger breasts or hips, but not fat guys."



I can't understand why when nobody knows much about the science of sexual attraction some people feel the need to state that they can't understand a specific preference or paraphilia. For even the norms we have only theories at most.


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## The Educator (Oct 28, 2009)

Tad said:


> By 'overt' what do you mean? Do you mean "posting at Dimensions" or "apt to visibly check someone out in public" or just what?
> 
> I have some more thoughts on this topic, but I want to understand exactly what you are asking before I answer.



On the internet. Which is where it's most visible.


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## Tad (Oct 28, 2009)

The Educator said:


> On the internet. Which is where it's most visible.



First of all, everything below is just my opinion. Its worth what you paid for it, your mileage may vary, no warantee express or implied....

Second, any generalizations about the genders are dangerous, because I'm certain there are more variations within genders than between them. Like, if for a given scale men average 4 and women average 6, you might say 99% of men are between 0 and 8 and 99% of women are between 2 and 10....more difference within each gender than between them. Which doesn't change the fact that on that scale women on average rate differently than do men. So I'm going to go ahead and make some gross generalizations about genders, but these are all meant in light of this paragraph. OK, clear as mud? Let's go!

In part it may be a question of 'need' to focus on a specific part of their sexuality:

- Women's sexuality in general seem more mutable and adaptable than men's. Some women may need very specific things, but most seem to be more adaptable. Whereas men's seem to be more rigid. So an FFA may like big guys, but her sexuality is not as apt to be as totally wrapped up in that than is a male FA.

-For women love and lust seem to interact more than they do for men. Women seem more apt to lust for someone because they love them, and who you fall in love with tends to be less tied to your sexuality than is who you lust after. 

Both of the above would be reasons that women would be less apt to seek out places (on the web or elsewhere) that are define primarily by a sexual preference. 

In part it may be that women have not had a 'need' to make a big deal out of preferring fat guys:

- Our society has been, at least until recently but even now to a reduced extent, not worried about men's weights as much as about women's. If a guy was fat, but made lots of money, drove a nice car, and was married to an attractive woman he was clearly doing well. Reverse the genders and it would not be considered as much of a success. So dating a guy did not have as much stigma that dating a fat woman did.

- There was, and again still is to a reduced extent, a feeling that a guy fattening up somewhat after marriage was a compliment to his wife, saying that she took good care of him and was obviously a good cook.

- Because women are known for having love and lust more intertwined than men, there tends to be more allowance made for them when they are with someone that others don't see as attractive...."Ah, she must really be in love...."

For the above three reasons, a woman who is attracted to bigger guys may not feel as much like she can't talk about it or that there is no support for her being attracted to him.

Which is not to say that some female FA don't get resistance to their preferences, or don't get criticism, or don't feel any need to hang with others who feel like them. Just that I suspect that a lower proportion of those you might view as FA end up feeling that way, and coming to specific on-line sites like Dimensions.

Again, all just my opinions, no claim that my opinion is any more accurate than anyone else's.

Regards;

-Tad


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## Melian (Oct 28, 2009)

In my case, if I didn't accidentally find Dims while googling something totally unrelated, I probably never would have ended up in this sort of forum. Searching online for fetish material is just not something I would have thought to do, especially when I was already dating fat guys and no one ever bothered me about it. If I wanted to see/touch more fat guys, I would go out and find some *shrug*

Even if they're in a relationship, men just seem to have more of a need for fap fodder, so I guess they actively go looking for it more often than women might. Also, just based on what I read here, it seems like the male FAs are more likely to feel guilty about their fetish (or to have more extreme guilt), so maybe they are more prevalent online because they don't feel as comfortable integrating a love of fat women into their daily lives.


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## Webmaster (Oct 28, 2009)

So.... men, need fap fodder to feed their fetish; women, noble souls?


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 29, 2009)

Webmaster said:


> So.... men, need fap fodder to feed their fetish; women, noble souls?



Uhhh, no... women generally express their sexuality in a different way.


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## BeaBea (Oct 29, 2009)

Webmaster said:


> So.... men, need fap fodder to feed their fetish; women, noble souls?



Yes definitely... Lol, maybe not....

When it comes to pornography its well documented that men respond more to visual images and women to the written word. We all have a shallow side and we all enjoy being nasty, we just tend to do it in different ways.

Tracey xx


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## Melian (Oct 29, 2009)

Webmaster said:


> So.... men, need fap fodder to feed their fetish; women, noble souls?



Not at all - I'm a terrible person 

I just mean that, in general, men tend to seek out such material more often than women, hence, they are more likely to stumble across online forums like this one. 

To be honest, before I accidentally ended up here, I had zero sexual images stored on my comp. I think this is common for women, as I'm sure some other women here can agree (and some have, already). This is not to say that men are more perverted or anything.


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## rollhandler (Oct 29, 2009)

The Educator said:


> Why do you think there are so many more overt male fat admirers than female ones? Is it just that men are more explicit about their preferences and fetishes? Or is it that physical appearance of a partner is more important to men than it is to women? If so, does that mean FFA are more superficial than other women?
> 
> Please don't take this question as a judgment; everyone has the right to be who they are and Dimensions is the place to discuss it :happy:



I believe it has more to do with acceptability of preference by gender biased society views. Since it is more acceptable for men to be larger than women it is also by extension more acceptable for the women who adore them to do so with less notice or ridicule. If this truly is the case then there are probably no different number of FFAs than FAs in the world but less notice being taken of them and less need for them to identify as a group for acceptance and / or support. 

I don't present this as fact but merely how I happen to see it and as an opinion to support a belief from my own perspective. In a Utopian society it would work this way for both genders with this preference. I look forward to that day.

Rollhandler


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## bobbleheaddoll (Oct 29, 2009)

i think it is more how each gender are recognized within their gender group for their preference. men are mostly visual and are brought up to look for the female ideal as their preference. i understand that may not be all a man looks for, but generally the visual cue is what men use as a strong base of attraction. when a man realizes he enjoys bbw he is sort of 'labelled' by the other men as an fa. i think that is why the bulk of men often see fa as having a 'fetish' rather than just a preference. in the male social group they are the fringe and outside what men are raised to consider the group norm. i am not sure that fa are really more overt, i think they just accept their social label and embrace it more. Plus men overall tend to be more vocal about their sexual preferences than women, so if they know what they like, they tend to be more willing/socially allowed to express it.

while yes, girls are also visual, we base our preferences more on overall traits than just the visual. also, i don't really think girls get as much pressure socially for liking large men as men do for liking large girls. girls are brought up to look for big strong men. Plus society tends to label bhm as 'so nice' or 'such a good guy' that socially it is expected that if a small girl is with a big guy that he must be wonderful.  i agree with rollhandler, we have that working in our favor while men do not have the same gender based leeway.

to be honest, until i started posting on dims, i never even considered myself an ffa...and really i still don't. i have always liked bigger guys, but have never really considered it a 'fetish' vs. just a preference. It's like choosing brown hair over blonde...just another trait to consider in the overall picture.


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## The Educator (Nov 1, 2009)

Melian said:


> In my case, if I didn't accidentally find Dims while googling something totally unrelated, I probably never would have ended up in this sort of forum. Searching online for fetish material is just not something I would have thought to do, especially when I was already dating fat guys and no one ever bothered me about it. If I wanted to see/touch more fat guys, I would go out and find some *shrug*
> 
> Even if they're in a relationship, men just seem to have more of a need for fap fodder, so I guess they actively go looking for it more often than women might. Also, just based on what I read here, it seems like the male FAs are more likely to feel guilty about their fetish (or to have more extreme guilt), so maybe they are more prevalent online because they don't feel as comfortable integrating a love of fat women into their daily lives.



It's much harder for FAs and BHM to find BBW and FFAs, than the other way round


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## KatsPyjamas (Nov 6, 2009)

I think the implications of our society (including the western-dominated smush of societies that is the english speaking internet) teach men it is ok or even expected to be vocal about sex and what you find attractive. Often to such an extent that is harmful to women. Women, not so much. Not nearly so much.

Of course there are outspoken women and super shy guys, I'm just saying in general, when we're conditioned like this, the majority of people who can 'come out' are gonna be the ones who have been encouraged to be vocal about sex.

I don't say open about sex, because men's expressions of their sexuality can be coloured by their experiences of 'mainstream' sexuality. Including being plain offensive because it's 'normal'. I think women are just as likely to be completely honest about sex and their preferences when talking to people who they know to be understanding.

But I think we need a huge overhaul about how we think about sexuality and to make everyone more open (regardless of gender which is so fuzzy anyway) and at the same time respectful of others - which would by and large make more women more confident about their desires if they are not already.


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## Amandy (Nov 7, 2009)

I'm at least one FFA who will say that yes, I am very driven by looks and "fetish" in my preference. In some ways I feel like I'm moreso than my non-FFA friends. I need to be with a fat guy to feel sexually fulfilled. I've always felt that I'm more...well... horny than most women I know because I have a very specific taste in men. 

And, I'd say that my friends seem to tease me more for my overt sexuality than the FFA nature of it.

Now this is not to say that I don't place importance on personality, humor, etc, I just have the up front desire and yes, requirement to be with a good-looking fat guy. Then, if we don't click on a mental level, it won't work out. But when it all comes together, it's earth moving.


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## joswitch (Nov 7, 2009)

Totally interesting thread! And look! No fighting! Cool! Subscribing!


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## ZainTheInsane (Nov 9, 2009)

I dislike the continual suggestion that generalizes men as being a certain way. We take enough shit in this politically correct society. If something is opinion or experience based, say so. Don't assume all men are as such, much like women don't enjoy it when all women are categorized.


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