# Did we all grow up wanting to be big and beautiful?



## Roly Poly (Jun 7, 2010)

Hey Guys,

Im curious to know whether we all grew up wanting to be big and beautiful (i call myself a gainer but not sure if that is a general term for everyone)?

xx


----------



## KHayes666 (Jun 7, 2010)

Roly Poly said:


> Hey Guys,
> 
> Im curious to know whether we all grew up wanting to be big and beautiful (i call myself a gainer but not sure if that is a general term for everyone)?
> 
> xx



No, I always wanted to be muscular. I love the large and lovely folk out there but I honestly don't want to be one.


----------



## indy500tchr (Jun 7, 2010)

nope....i always wanted to be average size. i was never average size. i remember when i went for my kindergarten physical my doc showing me and my parents the height and weight chart and how it was supposed to curve but mine went strait up and off the chart. that was when i was 5. 27 years later i still remember that i was not "normal" and always want to be.


----------



## CastingPearls (Jun 7, 2010)

I was born big and into a fat family. For me it wasn't a matter of want but more a matter of is. My fat has never had any bearing on whether or not I thought I was beautiful. Over the years I came to realize that in others' eyes fat wasn't beautiful and in fact to many repulsive and disgusting and I went through phases of shame and humiliation but always secretly loved myself even if, in my darkest hours, I wondered if it was 'wrong' to do so. 
I am the sum total of all my experiences and have few regrets. I've reached a point now where I find myself favoring fat people and do see it as attractive on men, beautiful on women and sexy on me.


----------



## imfree (Jun 7, 2010)

I always was a skinny kid with Fat-Envy, 'til I
grew up and started eating after I moved
away from home. I had gained on purpose 
when I was 17. I loved it, but couldn't main-
tain it.


----------



## spiritangel (Jun 7, 2010)

I was skinny and average till I started girl time and my mother put me on constant diets and as a consequence I pigged out on the food I wasnt allowed to have everychance I got when I could, and after each diet I seemed to get bigger. Then it was a bad relationship with a closet feeder that I ballooned up, have lost a chunk of that though. 

I was thinking about this the other day and I have never said I want to loose all the weight just be healthier, within myself. I dont remember a time when I have wanted to be skinny like everyone else except mayby when I was being pressured as a teenager to think that way I have always liked who I am and never stressed about the curves and cuddliness.


----------



## KittyKitten (Jun 7, 2010)

I wanted to be thick and curvaceous because that is what is ideal in my community. I never bought into that skinny bullshit.


----------



## Weirdo890 (Jun 12, 2010)

I would have to say that I wanted to be muscular. Unfortunately, I was always too lazy to work for that kind of body. I now accept myself for what I am. I've even grown to like being a little on the heavy side. I feel I'm softer and I give bette hugs like this.


----------



## Micara (Jun 12, 2010)

I always wanted to be thin and beautiful, like a ballerina. Unfortunately, I am just not built like a ballerina. I was always "sturdy", but under the impression that I was fat, from a very young age. I'm not even sure why that was, because looking back, I don't think that I was fat. I know that my grandparents always liked to give us junk food, and my mom would have a fit. Maybe that got into my subconscious.

It didn't help that I went through puberty at an ridiculously young age. (8-9 years old- I had big boobs at 8, and started menstruating at 9.) So that made me puffier and curvier than other girls. I was also very, very shy and pretty inactive. My mom would get on me to go outside and play, and I would lock myself in my room with a book. 

I don't think I really became truly fat until my junior year of high school, when my parents divorced. I lived with my mom and her asshole boyfriend until he kicked me out. My grandparents took me in, and being Sicilian, I was always having pasta and homemade meals. Ever since then, I've just gradually gotten heavier, and now today I'm at my biggest. I don't really want to get any larger, so I guess I'm going to have to do something. But I wish I could go back to the girl that I was and stop it all then.


----------



## Tad (Jun 14, 2010)

Like a lot of boys, when younger I don't think I thought about it a lot--I thought about what I might do, not what I'd be. But I do recall not wanting to be skinny. A bit older older I read the pseudo-fairytale "The Pumpkin Giant" where the hero and heroine (loosely defined) were both so fat they rolled around rather than walking, and something sort of clicked....not that I wanted to have to roll--I thought that would make me dizzy--but that being fat, having a fat wife, and having that accepted sounded really good. But at the same time I did a lot of sports, and didn't want to be fat because of those. Then to complicate it more, as I hit puberty I was totally turned off by the idea of looking like the typical man, with lots of body hair and big muscles.

I guess in sum, I grew up with body aspirations that were pretty unformed and confused, but with at least warm-fuzzy feelings towards being fat.


----------



## Jes (Jun 17, 2010)

Nope, not at all.


----------



## Tau (Jun 17, 2010)

When I was little I wanted to grow up to be a really slender, butch, lesbian chick - like Shane from LWord  I loved boyish clothes and boyish things and there was just something about women who were sleek like that, lean muscle under the skin, tiny teacup breasts and sharp hip bones - I wanted it sooooo badly. Realising that my body was never going to look like that took a while to absorb and I think, as a result, what turns me on as an adult is men and women who have this lean, long look. What I ended up with however - I can't bear the thought of looking any other way but the way I look right now .


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 21, 2010)

I wanted to be pretty and petite....like some of the other women in my family
*shrugs*


----------



## George (Jun 21, 2010)

I have always been a big girl and liked it that way


----------



## KHayes666 (Jun 22, 2010)

George said:


> I have always been a big girl and liked it that way



Always been cute too


----------



## sarie (Jun 23, 2010)

not even a little bit, and i'm still deciding if i personally want to be. my body is impossible. additionally i'm the only fatty in my family so i was always the odd one out. i always joke (i realise that it's not actually joke-worthy subject matter) that i wish i would've been taunted/bullied more for being fat because maybe i would've thought that there was something 'wrong' with my body. in reality, i was always accepted and liked for the most part (as it should have been, of course), and consequently, i've just remained a fatty even though i've been trying all of my life to be the opposite (just clearly not trying hard enough!) :>


----------



## LovelyLiz (Jun 24, 2010)

When I grew up, until I was in college, I couldn't even conceive of those two words going together. So I grew up wanting to be beautiful...which hence meant NOT big. Even now, I can't say I want to be "big and beautiful." I'd settle for just beautiful (ha, settle for beautiful!) no matter what size my body takes now or in the future.


----------



## kristineirl (Jun 24, 2010)

Roly Poly said:


> Hey Guys,
> 
> Im curious to know whether we all grew up wanting to be big and beautiful (i call myself a gainer but not sure if that is a general term for everyone)?
> 
> xx



Did I want to be big and beautiful growing up? *Absolutely not. *

I am an only child but have a huge family, and they made it abundantly clear that I was a fat turd of a little girl and should stop eating so much. I remember being seven and going to the zoo and my cousins comparing me to big gorillas and laughing. I soon became the chubbiest of my friends in middle school, and at the time they didn't say anything but years later i found out they were embarrassed to be seen by me, and I only weighed about 150 pounds. 

My mom took me shopping for clothes at a quasi-fancy place and I had to go to the back of the store to find that fit me, which was located in the "Woman's Fashion" section for sizes 12 and up (which i still find ridiculous.) My mom made a huge fuss about how I'm too young to be in this fat and i could freaking see how embarrassed she was for me. 

Anyway, I had self esteem issues and blah blah blah but I eventually got over it sometime around senior year of high school.

Life is so much better now, obviously, and I'm pretty excited to just be me.


----------



## imfree (Jun 24, 2010)

The most beautiful person I've ever seen could have weighed
90 or 590 lbs and it would have made no difference. Her
beauty was intellectual and spiritual. Near as I could tell, she
lived Christianity for real.:bow:


----------



## KayaNee (Jun 25, 2010)

I just wanted to be beautiful which in my young mind included curly hair and blue eyes. Good thing I realized in my early twenties that I was indeed beautiful without being thin and having curly hair and blue eyes.


----------



## missmesmerizingstrange (Sep 15, 2010)

Sort of. Ever since I was little, I've been interested in fat and weight gain, but I didn't consciously want to become fat, per say. One thing I do remember though was when I was very young, I had all the Freddi Fish computer games, and in one of them there was this fish who had a big, round belly. At various points in the game, he would pick up his belly from underneath and drop it so that it jiggled, and I remembered really wanting to be able to do that with my own belly. xD


----------



## BBWBecky (Sep 15, 2010)

I had always been big...I was 250 lbs when I was 8 yrs old...I remember that well since that was the first time my mom put me on a diet. I always found a way to get food and she gave up....It wasn't until I found this sight around 2005 that I thought as myself and big and beautiful....it gave me more confidence....when I could read about other peoples experiences...so I can't say I grew up being big and beautiful..but I did grow up big and found beautiful once I was on this site.


----------



## vampirekitten (Sep 15, 2010)

I was always "sturdy" but never really big.. I was 5'11" in a size 14 jean and large shirt.. I actually look back and I was skinny.. But I always felt fat and always preferred to be fat.. I liked it better.. the feel, the fact that I wasn't "breakable" I was never made fun of for being fat it was always cause I was so tall so if I could change something I guess i'd take a few inches off my height and just add them to my belly  lol hehe


----------



## Cors (Sep 15, 2010)

Tau said:


> When I was little I wanted to grow up to be a really slender, butch, lesbian chick - like Shane from LWord  I loved boyish clothes and boyish things and there was just something about women who were sleek like that, lean muscle under the skin, tiny teacup breasts and sharp hip bones - I wanted it sooooo badly. Realising that my body was never going to look like that took a while to absorb



Exactly this! I like looking femme but I do have a more dominant, masculine side (mostly surfaces in bed - and sadly often shocks the hell out of people) and sometimes feel like a drag queen when I am all dolled up. I am pretty happy with my body these days, though I don't mind gaining some so I fill out dresses better!


----------



## HayleeRose (Sep 20, 2010)

I have always been the "fat girl" I didn't always want to be fat, even now I don't, not because I don't love my self, or think that it makes me any less of a person or any less attractive, but because I have a lot of physical/health problems from it. Only with in the last year or less have I really began to love my body. There is nothing wrong with being fat, but its not something I'm striving for, its just what I am and I love myself regardless.


----------



## BBW MeganLynn44DD (Sep 20, 2010)

Never,not at all,in high school and up until i was about 20 i was never over a size 10...things have changed and I could not be happier!


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 25, 2010)

from the time I was born, until puberty hit..I was so skinny that my mom had me tested to see if I had a tape worm. I wore the same clothing size as my sister who was 2 years younger than I. During puberty..I grew boobs and then every other part of my body got jealous of the boobs..and decided to grow too. 
In High School I felt enormously overweight...but looking back now I realize had I just stayed on a diet and lost 60 lbs, I could have fit right in with the rest of the popular skinny girls. I think I just wanted to fit into a group, not fit into their jeans. I would have been happy had someone just let me be me and accepted me as is.
In my early adulthood I upgraded from bbw to ssbbw, but I never WANTED it


----------



## Jello404 (Sep 26, 2010)

I honestly dont remember.I was the type of kid that ws always happy with myslef until someone else found a prodblem with me.THEN I wanted to be like everyone else. ~normal. But I think I just wanted to be desired.No matter what that meant-fat or skinny.I just wanted to be approved of and feel apart of something.
Now Im more concerned on what I think about myself-Im crazy about me! And Im happy.


----------



## TinyTum (Sep 29, 2010)

Apologies, this is a rather long post...

I've never been skinny. I've definitely inherited the 'fat gene' the women in my family have only got to look at food to put on weight!  Funny thing is as a child I would dream of becoming extremely fat. 

My parents were quite strict with me when I was a child (my mum got bullied at school because she was a fat child) so I never became more than a bit chubby. Trouble was I was so self-conscious about my weight (believing I was fat as my mum always told me when I'd put on weight etc.), I ended up being bullied at school because of low self esteem instead!  <sigh>

My weight began to climb once I started work. I was 'overweight' throughout my late teens / early 20's. Went on various diets (cos my mum said I needed to.) 

Most of my gain came after I got married and moved to our own house. I dieted a couple of times early on in our marriage but the weight always came back and then some. So I stopped dieting and I let myself become gradually fatter. It all sort of crept on, iykwim?  About 7 years ago I reached the weight I am today (about 15 and 1/2 stone - 217 lbs) and it suddenly hit me that not only was I happy with my size but that I actually enjoyed being fat. Over the next couple of years I got up to my heaviest at 16 stone 10 lbs (234 lbs) but worried that my weight was getting out of control I dieted until I was back to 16 stone (224 lbs). 

I've yoyo-ed a bit since then having had to diet a couple of times although not for aesthetic or health reasons - (I'm unwilling to disclose why on an open forum - you can PM me if you _really want to know_). I currently need to lose about 10 lbs. <big sigh> I feel like I'm torn between needing to lose weight and wanting to stay the size that I am! Whatever happens, I do intend to return to my current size sometime in the future.


----------



## thirtiesgirl (Oct 8, 2010)

I've always wanted to be something other than I was, ever since I was a kid. I've always wanted to look like someone else. Even now, with all the work I've done on self-acceptance, I still have many days when I want to be someone else. When I was a kid, I would have told you that all I wanted to be was beautiful. Back then, beauty to me meant long, straight hair, a perfect face and a not awkward body. I never felt like I had any of those things myself, so I didn't think I was beautiful. I still don't. I think I'm ok, I value what my body can do for me, and I have many days when I'm happy being me. But I seem to have about the same number of days when I'm not. I know it's a learning process, though, and hopefully one day, I'll have more better days.


----------



## Lalazuu (Oct 12, 2010)

Roly Poly said:


> Hey Guys,
> 
> Im curious to know whether we all grew up wanting to be big and beautiful (i call myself a gainer but not sure if that is a general term for everyone)?
> 
> xx



Certainly not.


----------



## Roy C. (Oct 25, 2010)

While growing up, I lived next to a very heavy couple. They were both very proud of their size. He was the biggest man I ever remember seeing while growing up. I struggled with my weight, and always thought it would be nice to not worry about it like they did. He used to water his yard without a shirt on, and I would admire him for doing that, and wondered what it would be like to be big like him. I can remember stuffing pillows under my shirts to imagine what it would be like. I guess I did want to grow up like him....


----------



## SSBBW Katerina (Oct 29, 2010)

.... I was always tormented & beaten up almost every other school day by boys & girls alike, until my nerves were shot & I'd throw up & have to go home. It was almost ritualistic. Yet I caught hell from my average sized family members & yet still super busty female members. I'm the youngest of six but the only child my, now deceased, parents had together; and I'm the largest. At age 7 a doc diagnosed me w/ 'Precocious Puberty':doh: & by 5th grade was a very full 'D' cup. That meant nothing to snide school peers. Still was mercilessly beaten up for my only sin: being fat, and my dad never defended me. Not even from my b1tch grandmother's [his mom] callous remarks. A father/ daughter bond is a precious & fragile foundation. It was shattered by 13yo.

Out of desperation, yet not knowing the damage I'd cause myself, I became bulimic from 6th grade until a sophomore in high school & worked out constantly. I still remained a BBTeen. The self induced vomiting came to a screeching halt when the dentist realized what I'd been doing. He told my parents whilst i was there too. I humiliated them & they made it known. I continued to work out & fasted and starved my self. This continued well into my very early 30s. In the end I killed my metabolism. Not knowing that when a body is in 'starvation mode' it burns fat slowly & retains but feeds off of itself.

So all I ever wanted was to be 'just average' w/ naturally progressing/ growing breasts. Not at warp speed. Not skinny, but....... you know what I mean.:blush: Thinking that "perhaps people would like or love or respect me for something if I were more like them. Looked like them. I'd be taken seriously". I was either looked over too much, or overlooked altogether. Oy vey.

But over decades I've had to learn to cope & deal with it and make the most I can out of it. I think we all do. And I've been fortunate to have a handful of people, especially males, incl. a doctor, enter my life that told me & taught me that I was fighting a losing battle with genetics. That I was bright & lovely & deserved love & respect... and to actually eat & savor a meal for once. LOL! They loved my body. It was time I gave it a shot too.:blush:

When life hurls lemons at you, make Limoncello cocktails & bake lemon bars.:happy::eat2:

Thank you for your time.

Katerina


----------

