# Was it really that offensive?



## That Guy You Met Once (Nov 13, 2011)

Earlier, at an anime con, I went to a panel for plus-size cosplayers. It went very well.

I talked with the hostess for a while afterwards, and we got along, to the point where I got invited to the hotel room she was splitting with five of her friends, three of who were BBW cosplayers themselves, and told I could stay the night if I'd put in for 1/6th of the money. 

I only live 20 minutes away, so I hadn't planned on it, but I decided to alter my plans.

Later, I asked one of my suite-mates - who was wearing a schoolgirl uniform with a thigh-high skirt and a halter top - how people were reacting to her. I told her that was pretty provocative for a plus-size cosplayer. 

Now, I only said that because the vast majority of BBWs I see cosplaying wear fairly conservative costumes, but apparently, they took it as "fat people shouldn't be wearing that."

The hostess instantly gave me my share of the money back and told her to get the fuck out of her hotel room.

I wasn't exactly surprised by that response, but it was pretty over-the-top, IMO, and it reminded me why I got so tired of the drama in the local BBW scene that I've ragequit it twice before.

However, on the bright side, the girl in the schoolgirl uniform said no one had given her any negative comments, which was good.


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## Yakatori (Nov 13, 2011)

That Guy You Met Once said:


> _..The hostess instantly *gave me my* share of the money back *and told her *to get the fuck out of her hotel room._


Some folks might get confused at that part...


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## Blackjack (Nov 13, 2011)

Oh, I know what you mean about drama.

You know, like someone making a comment that makes the people in the room uncomfortable and being asked to leave.

What bullshit that you should be kicked out just because you upset people.

ETA: And if you have to ask whether or not something was "that offensive", odds are the answer is a definite yes.


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## That Guy You Met Once (Nov 13, 2011)

Yakatori said:


> Some folks might get confused at that part...



Didn't catch that typo.


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## Your Plump Princess (Nov 13, 2011)

Perhaps it was not simply what you said, but _how_ you said it?


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## That Guy You Met Once (Nov 13, 2011)

I know it was.

I was trying to compliment her for having the courage to wear an outfit much less conservative than the vast majority of bigger cosplayers I've ever seen, despite that - as she and her friends had told me herself - that kind of thing tends to draw insults from people who think they shouldn't be wearing that. I was wondering how she found the strength to put up with the bullshit, because the vast majority of people I know (of all sizes) wouldn't have it.

It was a foot-in-mouth moment, but I still think it would've been at least fair for the hostess to ask me to clarify before immediately assuming it was an insult - even though I'd been totally supportive of them all the whole time - before throwing me out.


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## penguin (Nov 13, 2011)

If you wanted to compliment her, you should've said "you look great" or "I love your costume." Saying what you said, and how you said it, smacks of the " _____ for a fat girl" sentiment. You know, you're pretty, for a fat girl. You dress nice, for a fat girl. You don't sweat much, for a fat girl. They're not compliments, they're insults. I'm not surprised they took it badly. It shows a level of insensitivity and tactlessness that most people don't want to have around them.

When you compliment someone, you don't need to explain every thought you had about it. Just stick to the compliment and keep it simple and you probably won't be misunderstood.


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## That Guy You Met Once (Nov 13, 2011)

OK. Thanks. I suppose this was a learning experience.


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## CarlaSixx (Nov 13, 2011)

Definitely a learning experience. But if you liked the way she was dressed, maybe saying something like "you're dressed pretty sexy/hot." and give a big grin might have gone over better. But don't ever add "for your size" or anything similar to that. Just keep it sounding like a compliment. Whether it sound like a come on or not, at least it won't sound judgemental. 

At least you'll know for next time.


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 13, 2011)

Part of what it takes, in my opinion, for a fat person to do something that has tended to be socially unacceptable for a fat person to do (such as a fat woman wearing a more sexually provocative costume), is to not focus on the haters. If you spend all your time thinking about how society might react in this or that negative way, as a fat person, you'll never do anything. You may realize the possibility, but you just don't want to focus on that. It's counterproductive, and can be hurtful.

PLUS, reality is changing, man. A lot of times a fat person may do something that they think they may get flak for, and then they don't - in fact, they may even get positive feedback they hadn't expected (you can take the woman at your convention as a case-in-point). In light of that, it can be nice to focus on the ways our opportunities and acceptance are increasing as fat people in some ways, without having someone say, "Hey, did you realize there are a bunch of people out there who are repulsed by fat people who were probably horrified by your outfit?" We know that may be true, but when we're not experiencing it or needing to confront it on some systemic level, we don't need to be reminded of it at every turn (especially because in some ways it's less true than it once was).

Just my two cents on the situation.


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## vardon_grip (Nov 13, 2011)

A different perspective with different possibilities

I see nothing wrong in your conversation with the woman in the schoolgirl costume. Discussion of someones costume and what went behind the decision to wear said costume seems natural to me since its all done for effect. (reaction/reception/likes/dislikes/best costume..etc.) It is strange that the hostess (I assume that the hostess and the schoolgirl costumed woman are two different people) got offended to a question that you asked someone else. Your comment to the short skirted woman may have been seen as a come on. Maybe hostess was jealous. Whether or not your hostess had designs on you or you on her (hence the invitation to stay in the first place) she may not have taken kindly to you showing interest in another woman.


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## Marlayna (Nov 14, 2011)

vardon_grip said:


> A different perspective with different possibilities
> 
> I see nothing wrong in your conversation with the woman in the schoolgirl costume. Discussion of someones costume and what went behind the decision to wear said costume seems natural to me since its all done for effect. (reaction/reception/likes/dislikes/best costume..etc.) It is strange that the hostess (I assume that the hostess and the schoolgirl costumed woman are two different people) got offended to a question that you asked someone else. Your comment to the short skirted woman may have been seen as a come on. Maybe hostess was jealous. Whether or not your hostess had designs on you or you on her (hence the invitation to stay in the first place) she may not have taken kindly to you showing interest in another woman.


You may have a point there, because the reaction of the hostess seemed a little over the top for the poster's comment. I think there may be more to it as well.


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 15, 2011)

That Guy You Met Once said:


> *they* took it as "fat people shouldn't be wearing that."
> 
> The hostess instantly gave me my share of the money back and told her to get the fuck out of her hotel room.



It was the use of "they" in the OP's initial post (quoted above) that led me to believe it wasn't just the hostess who took issue with his comment, while everyone else was completely cool with it.

Guess it's kind of unclear.


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## Yakatori (Nov 15, 2011)

there's likely more to this that you're either not picking-up on or remembering correctly. Did you get anyone's number? Maybe you should just call them up or email them and just ask....what do you have to lose?


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## liz (di-va) (Nov 15, 2011)

That Guy You Met Once said:


> Later, I asked one of my suite-mates - who was wearing a schoolgirl uniform with a thigh-high skirt and a halter top - how people were reacting to her. I told her that was pretty provocative for a plus-size cosplayer.
> 
> Now, I only said that because the vast majority of BBWs I see cosplaying wear fairly conservative costumes, but apparently, they took it as "fat people shouldn't be wearing that."





That Guy You Met Once said:


> I was trying to compliment her for having the courage to wear an outfit much less conservative than the vast majority of bigger cosplayers I've ever seen, despite that - as she and her friends had told me herself - that kind of thing tends to draw insults from people who think they shouldn't be wearing that. I was wondering how she found the strength to put up with the bullshit, because the vast majority of people I know (of all sizes) wouldn't have it.



I have nothing to say about how the hostess reacted (that's between yall) but to repeat what others have said -- I would have reacted very badly to you saying something similar to me in similar circumstances.

Why would you think what you said is a compliment? A compliment would be, as Penguin said--you look great.

If you are "wondering how she has the strength" to put up with people's criticism, that is a general question you get to ask once you know her better, and in context. It's not a compliment--it makes a lot of assumptions about her state of mind and what it all means. If you parse it out in neutral terms, calling her outfit "pretty provocative" is actually a criticism.

I know you didn't 'mean it badly,' but you know. I'd be pissed. 

It's good you're asking, I think! It can be hard to know how to say the right things to people about tricky things like this. I screw up a lot.


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## Yakatori (Nov 15, 2011)

^that he's a young guy. I mean, I'm a bit older and I -still- say things that offend people on what seems like a pretty frequent basis, and without really intending-to. And while I do feel like I'm improving at-it; I often look at my dad, who's much worse. So, maybe I'll just continue to improve up to a certain point and then rapidly decline. Something to look forward to, I guess.


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## *Goofy*Girl* (Nov 15, 2011)

liz (di-va) said:


> Why would you think what you said is a compliment? A compliment would be, as Penguin said--you look great.



I agree. No offense, but if someone said that to me, I'd want to bitch-slap them.


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## liz (di-va) (Nov 15, 2011)

Yakatori said:


> ^that he's a young guy. I mean, I'm a bit older and I -still- say things that offend people on what seems like a pretty frequent basis, and without really intending-to. And while I do feel like I'm improving at-it; I often look at my dad, who's much worse. So, maybe I'll just continue to improve up to a certain point and then rapidly decline. Something to look forward to, I guess.


hah  it does seem like sometimes tact can errrrr float away as folks get older. They reach some saturation point and it starts to disappear...

and yeah 21 is young -- I agree. and the fact that the OP is asking what went wrong is good! that's not always that easy for anybody.


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## vardon_grip (Nov 15, 2011)

I find it strange that the woman who got upset was not the woman who was asked the provocative question. 

The woman who got upset led a discussion for plus sized cosplayers. Seems like the idea of plus sized people and their involvement in the cosplay arena was already being discussed by over 1/2 the people in the room for quite awhile.

An adult woman in a sexy schoolgirl outfit (min skirt and halter top) is provocative clothing to wear in public. 

I think the hostess was interested in the OP. (A long talk, they got along and the OP not only was invited back to the hostesses hotel room, but was invited to stay the night) That's very provocative behavior coming from a woman who just met the OP during a panel discussion at an anime convention.


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## Blackjack (Nov 15, 2011)

When in doubt, blame the person who was offended, not the person being a dick.


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## vardon_grip (Nov 15, 2011)

Sometimes, the person being offended and the person being a dick are one in the same.


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## Saoirse (Nov 15, 2011)

It was a straight up, honest fucking question. You shouldve at least been given the chance to explain yourself. Miss Hostess sounds like a cunt, so maybe its a good thing that you got out of there.


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## LordQuas (Nov 16, 2011)

I hate to say it but this is life as an "FA". Right or wrong, chances are if you broach the subject of weight it will not get a positive response. I'm sure I'll get killed for saying this but it's the truth. Be glad that they showed their extreme insecurity to you early before you wasted much time, or money for that matter, hanging out with them.


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## Marlayna (Nov 16, 2011)

vardon_grip said:


> I find it strange that the woman who got upset was not the woman who was asked the provocative question.
> 
> The woman who got upset led a discussion for plus sized cosplayers. Seems like the idea of plus sized people and their involvement in the cosplay arena was already being discussed by over 1/2 the people in the room for quite awhile.
> 
> ...


I agree, and it sounds to me like the Hostess was actually annoyed at Sexy Schoolgirl lady, but *took her anger out on the guy* who asked an honest question. As a fat woman, I've been insulted plenty, and I'm sorry, but what this man asked was not so terrible.


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## penguin (Nov 16, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> Be glad that they showed their extreme insecurity to you early before you wasted much time, or money for that matter, hanging out with them.



They may have overreacted, but they're probably thankful he showed his lack of tact early on.


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## Lurker430 (Nov 16, 2011)

penguin said:


> They may have overreacted, but they're probably thankful he showed his lack of tact early on.



I'd argue that after lengthy discussion to the point of being invited to a hotel room is hardly "early on".

If the OP had just walked up out of nowhere and said that, I could understand the reaction, but it sounds like he'd been hanging around them for a while. Although I can understand the comment being offensive, I also feel like their reaction was a excessive, particularly if they didn't even give the OP all of 30 seconds to explain himself.

Oh well, live and learn! :happy:


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## penguin (Nov 16, 2011)

Lurker430 said:


> I'd argue that after lengthy discussion to the point of being invited to a hotel room is hardly "early on".
> 
> If the OP had just walked up out of nowhere and said that, I could understand the reaction, but it sounds like he'd been hanging around them for a while. Although I can understand the comment being offensive, I also feel like their reaction was a excessive, particularly if they didn't even give the OP all of 30 seconds to explain himself.
> 
> Oh well, live and learn! :happy:



I'm guessing we're not getting the full story here.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Nov 16, 2011)

penguin said:


> I'm guessing we're not getting the full story here.



True, and in more ways than one. The variety of responses to this thread shows how many different ways people can understand and react to a question. Unless you're talking to someone you know pretty well -- i.e., you have the full story on that individual's attitudes and sensitive areas -- any conversation of a personal nature is going to be like playing hopscotch in a minefield. This is why people talk about the weather so much ...or wear asbestos knickers.


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 16, 2011)

penguin said:


> I'm guessing we're not getting the full story here.



DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!


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## That Guy You Met Once (Nov 16, 2011)

No, that's pretty much the whole story. The hostess thought I was saying larger cosplayers shouldn't wear outfits like that, after her panel was about size acceptance, and was offended.

Anyway, I sent her an FB message explaining that it didn't mean what she thought it meant and I was sorry for the misunderstanding, and she just said "You definitely worded that wrong. You sounded like a hypocrite."


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## LordQuas (Nov 16, 2011)

penguin said:


> They may have overreacted, but they're probably thankful he showed his lack of tact early on.



How is saying that a skimpy outfit is provocative showing a lack of tact?


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## joswitch (Nov 16, 2011)

Yakatori said:


> there's likely more to this that you're either not picking-up on or remembering correctly. Did you get anyone's number? Maybe you should just call them up or email them and just ask....*what do you have to lose?*



Oh, maybe his freedom? Can we say restraining order? Yes, we can. What they put in rom-com Hollywood movies is called "stalking" IRL.

@ That Guy You Met Once - Dude, don't attempt to contact any chick, at all, ever who has explicitly kicked you out of her place / hotel room / whereever or told you to "get lost" etc. Move on and do not look back. 

And re. your question in the OP; assuming you don't want repeated angry rejections: 
- Less is more as far as compliments are concerned. 
- Also, never assume that the listener is working from the same set of assumptions as you are. 
- Also also, never try to initiate a discussion re: fat haters, always wait until she initiates one, listen and try to get where she is coming from first, before responding. If unsure, restrict yourself to agreeing and offering sympathy.


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 16, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> How is saying that a skimpy outfit is provocative showing a lack of tact?



There are ways to express thoughts about an outfit being provocative that do not include questions like, "Wow, how many people did you horrify in that outfit?"


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## vardon_grip (Nov 16, 2011)

That Guy You Met Once said:


> Later, *I asked one of my suite-mates* - who was wearing a schoolgirl uniform with a thigh-high skirt and a halter top -* how people were reacting to her. I told her that was pretty provocative for a plus-size cosplayer. *
> 
> However, on the bright side, the girl in the schoolgirl uniform said no one had given her any negative comments, which was good.



No "horrific" inferences in what was written by the OP
The woman in the schoolgirl outfit...no negative response
Provocative: Not a bad or demeaning word


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## CastingPearls (Nov 16, 2011)

Yeah, honestly---I'm not getting how we jumped from 'provocative' to 'horrific'....unless we're not getting the full story.


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## LillyBBBW (Nov 16, 2011)

I didn't see anything overtly offensive in the exchange. What occurs to me is that there may have been other things more subtle that might have triggered the response. Sometimes a person doesn't have to say anything at all to give you the heebeegeebees. The way he's looking all around at stuff, asking a lot of questions, the way he looks at everybody, body language, etc. You might have been making people uncomfortable and then the comment on her body and attire, be it ever so well intended, was finally the straw that made them say, "Ok we gotta get him out of here now." If you found the women attractive it may have been written all over your face among other things.


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## MissAshley (Nov 16, 2011)

The comment did sound like "Fat people shouldn't wear that" but I think she over-reacted. If that were me, I would have just been like, "Excuse me?" and at least given you a chance to explain and redeem yourself.


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 16, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> Yeah, honestly---I'm not getting how we jumped from 'provocative' to 'horrific'....unless we're not getting the full story.



Yes, "horrific" was an obvious exaggeration in my post - but my take on his question/statement to the woman was that he expected people to react negatively to her outfit. If someone said that to me, that they expected that people would have negative reactions, it would irritate me.


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## penguin (Nov 16, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> How is saying that a skimpy outfit is provocative showing a lack of tact?



I've already explained that in my original comment:



> If you wanted to compliment her, you should've said "you look great" or "I love your costume." Saying what you said, and how you said it, smacks of the " _____ for a fat girl" sentiment. You know, you're pretty, for a fat girl. You dress nice, for a fat girl. You don't sweat much, for a fat girl. They're not compliments, they're insults. I'm not surprised they took it badly. It shows a level of insensitivity and tactlessness that most people don't want to have around them.



While I'm sure there are some out there who like to be complimented on their fatness by strangers, I'm going to guess that the majority of women out there really aren't comfortable with people coming up and making backhanded compliments about their size and looks.


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## tonynyc (Nov 16, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> How is saying that a skimpy outfit is provocative showing a lack of tact?



As others have mentioned... Perhaps it was how the message was said....


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## Lamia (Nov 17, 2011)

LillyBBBW said:


> I didn't see anything overtly offensive in the exchange. What occurs to me is that there may have been other things more subtle that might have triggered the response. Sometimes a person doesn't have to say anything at all to give you the heebeegeebees. The way he's looking all around at stuff, asking a lot of questions, the way he looks at everybody, body language, etc. You might have been making people uncomfortable and then the comment on her body and attire, be it ever so well intended, was finally the straw that made them say, "Ok we gotta get him out of here now." If you found the women attractive it may have been written all over your face among other things.



I agree. If I had a room and was sharing it with some ladies and found out one of them had invited a strange guy I've never met to stay in the room. I would be wicked pissed.

Personally, I don't think what he said was offensive.


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 18, 2011)

I find it interesting how in this thread there are people who tend to side with the person who was offended and people who tend to side with the person who is accused of doing the offending, and most with some shred of evidence to back them up (from a tiny snapshot of what actually occurred, that the OP gave).

I feel like this is one of those social experiments or Rorschach tests where by our responses we really learn more about ourselves than offer any explanation to the OP.


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## Yakatori (Nov 18, 2011)

Yeah, I would say you're onto something; even if I don't really think of myself as having taken a side, per se...


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 18, 2011)

Yakatori said:


> Yeah, I would say you're onto something; even if I don't really think of myself as having taken a side, per se...



Exactly. You're the type that doesn't take sides!


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## Marlayna (Nov 18, 2011)

LillyBBBW said:


> I didn't see anything overtly offensive in the exchange. What occurs to me is that there may have been other things more subtle that might have triggered the response. Sometimes a person doesn't have to say anything at all to give you the heebeegeebees. The way he's looking all around at stuff, asking a lot of questions, the way he looks at everybody, body language, etc. You might have been making people uncomfortable and then the comment on her body and attire, be it ever so well intended, was finally the straw that made them say, "Ok we gotta get him out of here now." If you found the women attractive it may have been written all over your face among other things.


That is true as well, they may've changed their minds after picking up some vibes, that perhaps it wasn't such a great idea to invite a total stranger to spend the night.


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## Marlayna (Nov 18, 2011)

mcbeth said:


> I find it interesting how in this thread there are people who tend to side with the person who was offended and people who tend to side with the person who is accused of doing the offending, and most with some shred of evidence to back them up (from a tiny snapshot of what actually occurred, that the OP gave).
> 
> I feel like this is one of those social experiments or Rorschach tests where by our responses we really learn more about ourselves than offer any explanation to the OP.


We can only speculate. We've only heard one side. I'd like to see the videotape of the inter-action, before I really make up my mind, one way or the other. 
I'd like to hope that a fellow poster would be in the right. 
As far as his comment goes; a larger girl, showing a lot of skin, (dressed as a schoolgirl, no less) will get people's attention. He merely asked how it went.
That in itself isn't offensive to me, but of course I wasn't there, so there are other factors to be considered.


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## Jooplef (Nov 19, 2011)

Marlayna said:


> We can only speculate. We've only heard one side. I'd like to see the videotape of the inter-action, before I really make up my mind, one way or the other.



This is a great idea. If he has a pocket video record of the encounter then he is clearly a creep.


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## vardon_grip (Nov 19, 2011)

Jooplef said:


> This is a great idea. If he has a pocket video record of the encounter then he is clearly a creep.



Or just another social networker with a smartphone.


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## LordQuas (Nov 20, 2011)

penguin said:


> I've already explained that in my original comment:
> 
> 
> 
> While I'm sure there are some out there who like to be complimented on their fatness by strangers, I'm going to guess that the majority of women out there really aren't comfortable with people coming up and making backhanded compliments about their size and looks.



My issue is with the classification of it as a backhanded compliment as though its obvious to all that it was backhanded. Without being there and hearing his tone thats impossible to infer and comes off as overly defensive to assume that he was being insulting. I feel like there's this expectation from guys that like bigger women that they need to walk on eggshells or else theyre an insensitive bastard.


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## penguin (Nov 21, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> My issue is with the classification of it as a backhanded compliment as though its obvious to all that it was backhanded. Without being there and hearing his tone thats impossible to infer and comes off as overly defensive to assume that he was being insulting. I feel like there's this expectation from guys that like bigger women that they need to walk on eggshells or else theyre an insensitive bastard.



Between "walking on eggshells" and "being an insensitive bastard" there's a place called "tact", which is often in the same place as "manners" and "common sense", which unfortunately, not everyone seems to know about.


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## Marlayna (Nov 21, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> My issue is with the classification of it as a backhanded compliment as though its obvious to all that it was backhanded. Without being there and hearing his tone thats impossible to infer and comes off as overly defensive to assume that he was being insulting. I feel like there's this expectation from guys that like bigger women that they need to walk on eggshells or else theyre an insensitive bastard.


Walking on eggshells is never fun. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. He seemed flattered that they had asked him to stay, so why would he "offend" the one that was dressed to garner attention? It makes no sense to me. Personally, I think he just got in with an uptight bunch. I think the ladies took it the wrong way. JMO.


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## Marlayna (Nov 21, 2011)

penguin said:


> Between "walking on eggshells" and "being an insensitive bastard" there's a place called "tact", which is often in the same place as "manners" and "common sense", which unfortunately, not everyone seems to know about.


The woman who told him to "get the fuck out of her hotel room" sure didn't show much tact. She could have said, that she changed her mind, and that would've been that. 
I think her emotional outburst had more to do with something else. JMO.


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## LovelyLiz (Nov 21, 2011)

LordQuas said:


> My issue is with the classification of it as a backhanded compliment as though its obvious to all that it was backhanded. Without being there and hearing his tone thats impossible to infer and comes off as overly defensive to assume that he was being insulting. I feel like there's this expectation from guys that like bigger women that they need to walk on eggshells or else theyre an insensitive bastard.



[This response is beyond this particular thread's situation, since as we all already realize, we don't have enough real information to figure too much out about that.]

I tend to assume that if someone feels insulted or offended by something someone else says, they have a reason for it. Is it possible the person is thin-skinned or otherwise reacting in a way that is out of proportion to what the person said? Sure. But that's just life in this world sometimes. 

When someone has experienced a lot of shitty treatment from a lot of ignorant people on the basis of a particular physical attribute, they just might be a little more testy about certain statement related to that. Yes - we can all work on being mature and not taking things personally and all that (as well we should). But there are just going to be some people who remain very wounded and sensitive, and others that experience that from time to time, even if rarely. I don't think being considerate and respectful of another's experience is the same thing as walking on eggshells, it's just understanding another person's pain and being thoughtful about it.


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## Saoirse (Nov 21, 2011)

I like my idea of the hostess being a weird bitch. that makes sense.


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## CastingPearls (Nov 21, 2011)

Assumptions aside, we'll never know because we only heard one side of the story.


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## Tad (Nov 24, 2011)

In response to the original post, and topic question:

I'm a big fan of Miller's Law: "To understand what another person is saying, you must assume that it is true and try to imagine what it could be true of."


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## joswitch (Nov 24, 2011)

Saoirse said:


> I like my idea of the hostess being a weird bitch. that makes sense.



This is always something worth bearing in mind.

You can behave in exactly the same manner and have the vast majority of peeps find you to be a really cool cat, but you will always meet someone who is freaked out by you. 

Of course, as you don't know them, you will never know if that person is one of those people who regularly freaks the fuck out over inconsequential shiz.


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## Forgotten_Futures (Nov 24, 2011)

That Guy You Met Once said:


> I know it was.
> 
> I was trying to compliment her for having the courage to wear an outfit much less conservative than the vast majority of bigger cosplayers I've ever seen, despite that - as she and her friends had told me herself - that kind of thing tends to draw insults from people who think they shouldn't be wearing that. I was wondering how she found the strength to put up with the bullshit, because the vast majority of people I know (of all sizes) wouldn't have it.



If you'd said what you said from this angle - an obvious positive tone, open praise of her courage, a clear sense of approval by yours truly, I don't think you would have been taken badly at all.

Something like, "How's that going for you? I know plus-sized cosplayers can get some serious flack for dressing "provocative" (stress the air quotes) like that. I think it's awesome you have the balls/stones/guts/courage to wear that."

On the other hand, I kind of have to agree with Marlayna. I think you made the hostess jealous, like you were flirting with someone else after she invited you to her hotel room. = P


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## truebebeblue (Nov 28, 2011)

If his telling is accurate I think they overreacted but unfortunately some fat women I have met tend to do this re: any mention of their weight or size.Most were in the BBW scene as well. Honestly They probably did you a favor maintaining friendships with people that sensitive/self conscious can be soul draining.
That's my experience anyhow.

True


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 28, 2011)

I dug VG's idea of the hostess being miffed/feeling rejected over jealousy- however, I have a twist on it. How do we know the hostess and scantily-clad woman aren't an item themselves?
That could also somewhat explain the reaction....


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## Forgotten_Futures (Nov 29, 2011)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I dug VG's idea of the hostess being miffed/feeling rejected over jealousy- however, I have a twist on it. How do we know the hostess and scantily-clad woman aren't an item themselves?
> That could also somewhat explain the reaction....



Well if you're gonna go there, then I'm gonna counter with the fact that none of us really know anything about anyone else. Many of us don't even know that much about ourselves. = P


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## vardon_grip (Nov 29, 2011)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I dug VG's idea of the hostess being miffed/feeling rejected over jealousy- however, I have a twist on it. How do we know the hostess and scantily-clad woman aren't an item themselves?
> That could also somewhat explain the reaction....



Some hostessgirl on schoolgirl action? I like the direction you're taking this.


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## Forgotten_Futures (Nov 29, 2011)

vardon_grip said:


> Some *hostessgirl* on schoolgirl action? I like the direction you're taking this.



I like the way you just took that = P


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## ribbondancer (Dec 14, 2011)

Wow, that does seem a little bit over the top but it's a good thing you didn't get booted out at a later time due to their insecurities. And you saved some money!


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## lost_lenore (Jan 4, 2012)

vardon_grip said:


> An adult woman in a sexy schoolgirl outfit (min skirt and halter top) is provocative clothing to wear in public.



an adult woman in a sexy schoolgirl outfit is NOT provocative for a convention... it's only being seen as provocative by the OP due to the girth of the person wearing it.

that double standard is one of the many, many hurdles fat activists (of all types and special interests) have to jump on more than just a daily basis.

his presumption that because he thought the outfit was borderline offensive (albeit to others and not to himself) others would have verbalized the same... is sizist. Full stop.


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