# How do you handle compliments in your relationships?



## gythaogg (Jan 31, 2012)

Hey there gang, long time lurker, first time poster, 21 year old woman and fat admirer. I'm grateful to have found the community, and no longer feel so alone in my lifelong love for fat men and women.

I've been in a pretty fantastic relationship for several years with a guy who has the body type of my dreams (and more importantly has a fantastic personality). Obviously this isn't my problem. He knows about my preferences, and thinks I'm completely insane but is glad of it, though he has a lot of trouble imagining that other women might share my preference. 

(As a side note, I've noticed that online, everyone seems to be familiar with the idea of BBWs and men who like them, and bears and men who like them, but they so rarely seem to be aware of the existence of women who are into big men. I wonder about whether there really are more male than female FAs, or whether there's a perception gap going on somewhere - perhaps it's a failure of imagination, or a result of the stereotypes about women being less visual than men. Any theories?)

Anyway, what I'm wondering is this: how do you feel about complimenting someone you're involved with on a feature of theirs that they often dislike and you love? My boyfriend really dislikes and is embarrassed about his belly, but loves his food, so even though he gets plenty of regular exercise through his job, the belly isn't going anywhere. Even though he knows that I love it, I find it really hard to strike a balance between complimenting him on things I like whilst avoiding accidentally insulting him by suggesting that he's looking particularly wonderfully round on some day. I tend to go for saying something like, "I love the way you look" or "I love your shape as it is right now", "I love your tummy/legs/back", or more explicit equivalents, though really I wish I could say something like, "I love how much tighter that shirt is looking lately", or, "I love how round and soft you are". I think I've found a decent balance - honest compliments that don't remind him of aspects of his looks he doesn't like - but I'd love to hear how other FFAs handle this. (Well, really I'd love to hear how everyone handles this, because I'm sure that this is an even more difficult issue to navigate when the object of your affections is a woman who may have spent her life in a culture that REALLY ramps up her body issues.) There doesn't appear to be any language available that is both flattering and truthful to describe big men's bodies as there is for women - I can't call him voluptuous, curvy or the like, and there's no word for man-boobs or belly bulge that he, as a non-FA, is going to consider flattering rather than insulting. The added dimension here is that we're not entirely monogamous, and when we recently hooked up with someone else, I think it meant a lot to him to be considered attractive by a "normal", non-FA lass, so I would hate to make him feel like he's out of the range of attraction for women who don't have as much of a defined preference as I do - I don't want to take away that confidence.

So ladies, how much do you hold back or modify your language when complimenting or talking dirty to your significant others? And men, what would you prefer to hear, and what makes you uncomfortable?

Let me know if I've breached any etiquette - always happy to learn!


----------



## Tad (Jan 31, 2012)

Welcome to Dimensions, and thanks for such a great question as a first post 

I'm a plump male FA married to a smallish BBW non-FA. So I have no experience on complimenting the plump male form for its plumpness--if my wife give me compliments, it is not for that. On the other hand, as an FA I know well your feelings. I'd love to be able to say "Wow, your jeans are looking pretty snug, I love how that shows off that your belly has plumped up" or "I love that sexy jiggle in your thighs." But yah, very definately things NOT to say!

So my compromise is basically like yours. Mostly compliment the things that are reasonably safe....ideally something she'll like about her body, but at the very least something that is somewhat neutral. And very occasionally I'll make a comment about my enjoyment about something that I know she may not be entirely comfortable with. Something like "Mmmm, I love how much your bum fills up my hands." Just to remind her that even if she isn't crazy about some of those features, I still do enjoy them.

I hope you get some good feedback from your fellow FFA!


----------



## Lil BigginZ (Jan 31, 2012)

As a guy with low self esteem and who has a view point of not being attractive and that nobody can find me attractive. I struggle with something kind of like this. Don't get me wrong I like the compliments I just have a hard time really believing them. I'm working on changing it actually and have gotten a lot better this past couple years with it. I say keep throwing out those compliments and reassuring him you like his belly and his size. Eventually he'll break his hate for it and should come around.

Oh and he doesn't like moobs?


----------



## gythaogg (Jan 31, 2012)

Alas, no, he doesn't like moobs one bit - they're probably the thing he's most self-conscious about, and I can't blame him, since there's absolutely no mainstream awareness out there that they can be considered attractive by some straight women. I think a lot of guys see them as being emasculating.

Thanks so much for your responses so far!


----------



## agouderia (Jan 31, 2012)

Welcome to the BHN/FFA board and thank you for a great new thread idea!

I'd like to add two things to what the posters above have said so far:

First of all, responsiveness to compliments is a personality as well as an experience issue. 
People who've always received many compliments - either because they're objectively beautiful or lived in a particularly positive environment - mostly are more responsive to them and can handle them easier.
Since fat people - this applies to BBWs as well as BHMs - in their vast majority grow up and live with much criticism of their weight and looks, they in response develop a negative self-perception along with distrust and reserve as protective mechanisms, as BigginZ already pointed out. So it's emotionally much more difficult to accept and appreciate compliments, even if they rationally know you sincerely mean them.

Now - being a language freak - some ideas on wording:
You're right to observe that there by now is more of generally accepted positive terminology of the fuller female figure.

From my experience, what works as the BHM equivalent is verbally equating size with strength and power, that is the underlying positive male concept.

Like running your hands over the moobs from the outside to the center of his chest saying: "Mmmh... as broad and impressive as the Osbourne bull..." (or which ever other positive bull of buffalo you can think of...)

What mostly is also rather well received - commonplace as it may be - is the bear or teddy bear analogy. Those animals just have a too positive image for anyone to get seriously upset about the comparison.

Or focussing on the shape per se and its virtues: 
Like outlining the belly with your hand saying "Now this is the perfect curve" or observing that "after all, round - and not angular - is nature's true form". 

Art history can also be a welcome source for inspiration and analogies - especially ancient vases, classic and baroque sculpture and naturally 16th-18th century paintings (or Botero). "Your ass is just as strong and sexy as Hercules' on that amphora" is if not positive, at least funny and unusual so not upsetting.

Bottom line is finding comparisons, analogies and images that have a positive connotation - and are highly unlikely to evoke negative flash-backs because they've already been used in a critical or insulting context.

Good luck with your further attempts!


----------



## CastingPearls (Jan 31, 2012)

I've always been attracted to BHMs more than thin/average size men but in my own experience, never actually met one in person that liked BBWs (or was available) so I mostly dated average sized men. Luckily, they all had pot bellies which I ADORED. 

Yeah, they were sensitive about it....and they were average size guys and except for my ex husband who was obsessed with making me fatter and himself thinner, they didn't really care about their own body size/shape so it really was a non-issue. I wasn't attracted to body/power builders either so no possible obsessions or fixations in that regard either. 

Yet, they didn't like it when I would gently put my arms around them from behind and hold their belly or lay my head on their belly or rub it or kiss it and hug it out of appreciation and admiration and love and even lust and it did make me really sad. The only time I ever voiced anything was when my ex who wasn't even considered overweight by BMI standards, announced he wanted to lose his belly. It made me really sad and I said, I respect your decision but Honey, I really do love that belly so much. I'm going to miss it. Are you sure? He was adamant and it was his body so I had no choice.


----------



## SitiTomato (Jan 31, 2012)

My last ex was a bigger woman and I had the same issues with giving compliments. It's quite hard to enjoy their body when whenever you compliment their buxomness they start in on how they wish they could afford breast reduction surgery. It's not hard to understand why, you're bringing full attention to something they've been self-conscious about their entire life.

It can really put a downer on a bout of foreplay though when the sexy talk is being rebuffed, insisting that you're wrong their body. 

Don't get me wrong I was SO guilty of exactly the same thing (yeah sure I'm 'big' whatever you say  ). To this day though I don't know if she was an FA because she'd use safe compliments like "I like your broad shoulders" or "I love your muscular arms".

If this was me, I'd say don't tip-toe around it, you deserve to be able to voice what you enjoy about your partner. Grab his boobs, look him right in the eye and say "I love how fat you are" then throw him onto the bed, put on some sunglasses and say "Deal with it."

But it's not me and he might not think that's funny.


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya (Jan 31, 2012)

being on the receiving end of compliments that I used to not completely believe, I've learned that when the other person means it and they repeat it, eventually the point gets through. If you think the sun shines out of his ass no matter what, it'll get through to him eventually. Don't stop, it's nice to hear.


----------



## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Jan 31, 2012)

Yay for a new person and double yay for an awesome and thought provoking question!


Just, unfortunately, I can't really give any good advice. 

My BHM happens to enjoy his size, so this issue has never come up for me. 

Not only does he enjoy being big, but he knows how much I enjoy it... so honestly, I can call him a "fat fuck" and he knows that it translates to, "You sexy beast, you."

But, both Chris and I are a little bit off, to any advice I give needs that fact taken into account. Haha.


Either way, Welcome to Dimensions! And big brownie points for actually starting a relevant and thought provoking thread!!


----------



## djudex (Jan 31, 2012)

I just wanted to say I love your choice in names.

Carry on.


----------



## Fat Brian (Jan 31, 2012)

I just say it, I used to try to be good and stick to safe areas but it was eventually unfulfilling. Now I say what I've got to say, she thinks I'm crazy but at least I get it off my chest and maybe one day it will make an impression.


----------



## LeoGibson (Jan 31, 2012)

I accept it in the spirit that it is offered, but then again I don't really have too many self-esteem issues because I happen to think I'm fookin' awesome and obviously any gal that sees that just has great taste in men. 

Seriously though, when I was younger I was more self-conscious and I would not usually believe it when someone complimented me, but somewhere along the way I quit being so down on myself and became more comfortable in my own skin and thusly more confident overall in my dealings with other people.


----------



## SlightlyMorbid (Feb 1, 2012)

I really have to second what Mary said.

My boyfriend at first found it hard to believe a chick could dig the 'fluff' but I can call him a fat fuck (like Mary) and he knows it means, 'oh le murr baby. <3'

Best advice I can give is to just compliment on things you like about him outside his physical appearance that you like (his face, his eyes, the way he smells) or something he's done, etc.

And going shopping with him for a sort overhaul on the wardrobe can be fun and give him confidence.


----------



## Anjula (Feb 2, 2012)

Welcome to DIMS! 
I don't think I'm the best example but what I do with a guy I'm dating is being totally honest. He might think that I'm a freak (well, I am lol) but I think it's simple. If I wanna date a guy who weights 445lbs I have to like it, right? So from the very first date I'm honest. And then it's just keep getting better and better. 

I love guys with bigger boobs than mine


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 2, 2012)

LeoGibson said:


> I accept it in the spirit that it is offered, but then again I don't really have too many self-esteem issues because I happen to think I'm fookin' awesome and obviously any gal that sees that just has great taste in men.
> 
> Seriously though, when I was younger I was more self-conscious and I would not usually believe it when someone complimented me, but somewhere along the way I quit being so down on myself and became more comfortable in my own skin and thusly more confident overall in my dealings with other people.


 
But you ARE fookin' awesome. Haha.


The only advice I can give is to be as loving and patient as you can. Self esteem issues are a complicated beast.


----------



## LeoGibson (Feb 2, 2012)

Surlysomething said:


> But you ARE fookin' awesome. Haha.
> 
> 
> The only advice I can give is to be as loving and patient as you can. Self esteem issues are a complicated beast.



Not only are you fookin' awesome as well, you obviously have impeccable taste.

And the advice is pretty spot on too. Not much you can do but be patient and wait until they come around.


----------



## biglynch (Feb 2, 2012)

I used to handle compliments real badly. I would turn it into compliment tennis, if i was complimented i would instantly have to hit back with a compliment. This was pointed out to me years ago. So now i take more time to accept a compliment... i still go red tho.


----------



## SanDiega (Feb 3, 2012)

I definitely void fat related compliments in my relationship. My guy is well aware that I love how he looks, but I feel like pointing it out all the time would make him feel objectified. He is already self conscious and I don't want to make things worse. I just tell him he is handsome, adorable, sexy, etc, all of which are true.


----------



## Sasquatch! (Feb 3, 2012)

How is your man with accepting compliments in general ?

A lot of people have difficulty accepting them at all. He might need to learn to do that first.

And welcome to Dims, it's nice to have you.


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya (Feb 4, 2012)

SanDiega said:


> I definitely void fat related compliments in my relationship. My guy is well aware that I love how he looks, but I feel like pointing it out all the time would make him feel objectified. He is already self conscious and I don't want to make things worse. I just tell him he is handsome, adorable, sexy, etc, all of which are true.



I was about to say how this was perfect and how it should be, but then I realized that on nearly a daily basis I tell my lady-companion that I love her ass and her legs; I tell her she's amazing and talented and smart and beautiful and that I want to show her off to the world, but her ass and legs always get thrown in there. 

I'm such a douche objectifier


----------



## BigChaz (Feb 4, 2012)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> I was about to say how this was perfect and how it should be, but then I realized that on nearly a daily basis I tell my lady-companion that I love her ass and her legs; I tell her she's amazing and talented and smart and beautiful and that I want to show her off to the world, but her ass and legs always get thrown in there.
> 
> I'm such a douche objectifier



Does she complain?


----------



## Hozay J Garseeya (Feb 4, 2012)

BigChaz said:


> Does she complain?



She says I'm full of shit, with a smile and a thank you.


----------



## SitiTomato (Feb 4, 2012)

SanDiega said:


> I definitely void fat related compliments in my relationship. My guy is well aware that I love how he looks, but I feel like pointing it out all the time would make him feel objectified. He is already self conscious and I don't want to make things worse. I just tell him he is handsome, adorable, sexy, etc, all of which are true.



Again, don't take me as the arbiter of normalcy here but I've never had a problem with being objectified when in a well rounded relationship. I see it as a part of the package, physical attraction isn't second to loving their personality, it's on even footing. You need both.

So in my book go ahead and compliment his body or her ass everyday or every time you think about it. If you love them as a person it's perfectly fine to ALSO love them as a piece of meat. Not wanting to mention it could lead you down a path where you start to feel guilty about loving them for their body and that's no good.


----------



## FishCharming (Feb 4, 2012)

i dont care what it meant to you but if anyone called me a fat fuck it would be immediately followed by me calling them a dumb cunt... soooo, there's that...


----------



## SanDiega (Feb 4, 2012)

Hozay J Garseeya said:


> I was about to say how this was perfect and how it should be, but then I realized that on nearly a daily basis I tell my lady-companion that I love her ass and her legs; I tell her she's amazing and talented and smart and beautiful and that I want to show her off to the world, but her ass and legs always get thrown in there.
> 
> I'm such a douche objectifier



No no no, please don't feel bad. This is specific to my relationship with my guy. I dont kind getting compliments on my looks, but then again, I feel good about how I look. This is mostly because my guy is not entirely comfortable with his weight, and so I don't feel like I should bring it up all the time.



SitiTomato said:


> Again, don't take me as the arbiter of normalcy here but I've never had a problem with being objectified when in a well rounded relationship. I see it as a part of the package, physical attraction isn't second to loving their personality, it's on even footing. You need both.
> 
> So in my book go ahead and compliment his body or her ass everyday or every time you think about it. If you love them as a person it's perfectly fine to ALSO love them as a piece of meat. Not wanting to mention it could lead you down a path where you start to feel guilty about loving them for their body and that's no good.



Oh, I give him plenty of compliments. He knows I find him oppressively sexy. It is more a matter of "you are so sexy and strong" vs "your giant fat belly is so hot".


----------



## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Feb 4, 2012)

FishCharming said:


> i dont care what it meant to you but if anyone called me a fat fuck it would be immediately followed by me calling them a dumb cunt... soooo, there's that...



Makes sense, since you don't have the kind of fetish relationship that some of us do. What's okay for one person is totally not okay for another, which is why we're all different people.

But come on dude, did you really need to bring that up and essentially hint at the fact that you are calling both me and SlightlyMorbid "dumb cunts"? 

I certainly don't appreciate that, especially since I've never personally attacked anything you've said.


----------



## theronin23 (Feb 4, 2012)

FishCharming said:


> i dont care what it meant to you but if anyone called me a fat fuck it would be immediately followed by me calling them a dumb cunt... soooo, there's that...



I mean, I think dumb cunt's a little extreme for EVERY situation where that happens. Granted, I have this kind of personal thing where, "Hey, 90% of the time I'm the only one who gets to point out I'm a fat fuck, and the other 10% know they have that privilege and don't abuse it." The 90% gets me tearing into them like a pound of bacon if they try something, but the 10% tends to get me tacking on something to their comment. 

Self-deprecation is an artform.


----------



## Geodetic_Effect (Feb 4, 2012)

I don't find anything wrong with calling someone a fat fuck. I do it all the time.


----------



## FishCharming (Feb 4, 2012)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Makes sense, since you don't have the kind of fetish relationship that some of us do. What's okay for one person is totally not okay for another, which is why we're all different people.
> 
> But come on dude, did you really need to bring that up and essentially hint at the fact that you are calling both me and SlightlyMorbid "dumb cunts"?
> 
> I certainly don't appreciate that, especially since I've never personally attacked anything you've said.



i get that you guys have different relationship dynamics and i really wasnt trying to be snarky to you guys, i was trying to come up with a comparative level of insult for me, personally. i brought it up because while it may not be insulting to chris and hobbit it is for me and i'd prefer that the op heard all opinions before running out and calling her SO a fat fuck, lol


----------



## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Feb 4, 2012)

FishCharming said:


> i get that you guys have different relationship dynamics and i really wasnt trying to be snarky to you guys, i was trying to come up with a comparative level of insult for me, personally. i brought it up because while it may not be insulting to chris and hobbit it is for me and i'd prefer that the op heard all opinions before running out and calling her SO a fat fuck, lol



Hence, in my original post, I mentioned the fact that my boyfriend *enjoys* his size, which is in stark contrast to what the OP said her boyfriend felt.

Because of that obvious fact... I highly doubt my original post was going to inspire her to run off and call her boyfriend a "fat fuck". 



Also, I was explaining my unique relationship. Basically explaining how we talk dirty. By saying that Chris enjoys me calling him that (in fact, it was his idea to begin with) doesn't have _anything_ to do with how _you_ would react if someone called you that. 
In fact, I would NEVER say something insulting like that to anyone who wasn't completely comfortable with it.

So your rude and insulting response was unnecessary. 

You got away with calling me a "dumb cunt" and I really don't appreciate that. Especially when I would never insult you like that.


----------



## FishCharming (Feb 4, 2012)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Hence, in my original post, I mentioned the fact that my boyfriend *enjoys* his size, which is in stark contrast to what the OP said her boyfriend felt.
> 
> Because of that obvious fact... I highly doubt my original post was going to inspire her to run off and call her boyfriend a "fat fuck".
> 
> ...



in case you haven't noticed i'm more of a call you a dumb cunt to your face kind of person but if you dont believe my intentions that's fine, i'm not going to beg for your forgiveness for taking personal offense to something that wasnt meant as an attack.


----------



## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Feb 4, 2012)

FishCharming said:


> in case you haven't noticed i'm more of a call you a dumb cunt to your face kind of person but if you dont believe my intentions that's fine, i'm not going to beg for your forgiveness for taking personal offense to something that wasnt meant as an attack.



I wasn't even asking for an apology, although it would be nice. 

I just said I was insulted by you calling me a "dumb cunt". And your response is to continue to attack me. 

To be completely honest, I've been going through a lot of shit. And this really is the last thing I need.

I'm really sorry if my original comment bothered you. It wasn't my intention.

But mentally I can't handle this.


----------



## Zowie (Feb 4, 2012)

I think what Fish meant, Mary, is, if someone would throw something he considered an insult at his face (fat-fuck, in this case), he would respond by throwing an insult back in theirs (dumb cunt). 


I don't think in anyway he was personally attacking you, or SM. He was voicing his opinion on what he would do in that situation.


Deep breaths, and smiles all around.


----------



## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Feb 4, 2012)

Zowie said:


> I think what Fish meant, Mary, is, if someone would throw something he considered an insult at his face (fat-fuck, in this case), he would respond by throwing an insult back in theirs (dumb cunt).
> 
> 
> I don't think in anyway he was personally attacking you, or SM. He was voicing his opinion on what he would do in that situation.
> ...



Hehe yeah, it's cool. We've gotten it all ironed out now.


----------



## chicken legs (Feb 5, 2012)

It took Escapist 3 years to accept being my "Big Juicy"/"Big Sexy"/"Thickums". However, he only accepted it after I explained that even when he has a 10% body fat he is still going to be big ass mothereffer compared to the general population.


----------



## Geodetic_Effect (Feb 5, 2012)

FishCharming said:


> i get that you guys have different relationship dynamics and i really wasnt trying to be snarky to you guys, i was trying to come up with a comparative level of insult for me, personally. i brought it up because while it may not be insulting to chris and hobbit it is for me and i'd prefer that the op heard all opinions before running out and calling her SO a fat fuck, lol



I think she should call him a fat fuck, and if he has a problem with it, tell him to stop being a little bitch.


----------



## FishCharming (Feb 5, 2012)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Hehe yeah, it's cool. We've gotten it all ironed out now.



word, that's why you're my favorite!


----------



## Buffetbelly (Feb 8, 2012)

I love how some of the most potentially embarrassing moments in my life can be a turn on for her. For example, I destroy flimsy folding chairs everywhere we go.  In the past I might have been mortified, but it's great to have someone at my side who's turned on when I bend a metal chair and will squeal "Oh my god, you are so fat honey!" :wubu:


----------



## BLK360 (Feb 9, 2012)

I've never had a problem accepting compliments. Some of the girls I have dated have though. And usually, I tend to be kind of an asshole about it, continually complimenting them until they get used to it. Sometimes people just need to be told enough, eventually they accept you're not just being nice, you're being serious.


----------



## theronin23 (Feb 10, 2012)

Fuck...I knew SOMEONE would come in here and make this creepy. I hate when I'm proven right. (Not you BLK, don't worry.)


----------



## SlightlyMorbid (Feb 19, 2012)

It's funny how quick shit gets blown out of proportion, but maybe...just maybe, I'm just a dumb cunt.

Now give me my fucking pants back Fish <//<*


----------



## MrBob (Feb 20, 2012)

I used to get embarressed by compliments. Now I just smile and say thanks.


----------



## samuraiscott (Feb 21, 2012)

I don't remember how I take compliments in a relationship because it's been too long. But I usually downplay them. I appreciate them, but never do I get a big head.


----------



## Mordecai (Feb 21, 2012)

theronin23 said:


> Fuck...I knew SOMEONE would come in here and make this creepy. I hate when I'm proven right. (Not you BLK, don't worry.)



How you doin'? :kiss2:


----------



## theronin23 (Feb 21, 2012)

Mordecai said:


> How you doin'? :kiss2:



Hey sexy, come here often?


----------



## Mordecai (Feb 21, 2012)

theronin23 said:


> Hey sexy, come here often?



Prematurely, but my doctor says if I take these pills it'll stop.


----------



## gythaogg (Mar 17, 2012)

Thank you so much for all of these varied responses! I read the thread eagerly as it unfolded, but never really got a chance to sit down and reply.

agouderia - your approach is probably the one that's always worked best for my lad, so it's one I try to persist with. I'm a language freak too, so at least I feel confident that I'm up to the task of choosing precisely the right phrasing in most compliments, and I do try to run with the "big, broad, safe, strong" phrasing whenever I can. It helps that he actually is very strong, so he does find that believable, not just euphemistic. (I'm also particularly grateful that you replied to this post, having just come off the high of reading your story Available In All Sizes. Good with words indeed!) You're also right in pointing out that responding to compliments is a conditioned thing based on past experience - I'm not a thin girl myself, and I have all the requisite baggage that comes with being about an Australian size 14 (you know, not actually what most people call fat, but only because they think fat is an insult as opposed to a descriptor  ), so I have good and bad days accepting compliments too. He and I will have cute arguments with each other, to the tune of, "Ok, if I accept that you think I'm hot, then you have to accept that I think you're hot!" "Oh fiiiine."

djudex, thank you! Nanny Ogg's such a delight of a character, isn't she? I just love how relentlessly cheery and lascivious she is, how she brings people together and doesn't give a fuck, especially in her appearance in I Shall Wear Midnight.

To the multiple people who advocate being honest to a fault: I both agree and disagree. My lad does know exactly what I like about him physically, including his size and his shape, and has known basically from the beginning (a cute story, but probably not all that relevant to the thread), especially because I can't stand to hear him put himself down, so I would never have been able to keep quiet when he was complaining about not liking himself in the mirror on some particular morning. But I also don't really like the idea of calling him a "fat fuck" or similar - each to their own, of course, and I love that it works for other people, but I just know certain phrasings would hurt his feelings more than swell his pride, so even though I absolutely believe in being honest, it's also really important to me to choose my words to make him as happy as me. After all, a compliment is about making someone else feel good as much as about expressing myself, probably more the former than the latter, and those words wouldn't make him happy. 

Sasquatch - he's actually pretty good with taking compliments these days, now that he believes me, and that only took a relatively short while - maybe a few weeks. It's just that he believes I'm nearly the only crazy girl he's ever met who likes his body, rather than tolerating him despite it or being repulsed by it. I know there's not much I can do about that, though I wish there was!

Those who mentioned objectification - I have to be honest, I actually kind of like being periodically objectified, as long as it's by someone who also likes me as a human being with a personality. It's nice to know someone likes your physicality on a visceral level, not just you as a set of emotions or a disembodied brain in a jar or whatever. So I don't think objectifying compliments are bad, as long as they aren't the only kind given.

And thank you all for the warm welcome too!


----------



## Sasquatch! (Mar 18, 2012)

Rome wasn't built in a day  Sticaround a while!


----------

