# Women---how do you feel about your partner's preference?



## JMNYC (Jun 7, 2006)

For an article I'm writing---don't worry, no names, this is strictly informal and for my own research purposes, and it's also written from a heterosexual man's point of view and so is directed to the ladies--but feel free, anyone, to jump in:

How do you feel about the way your partner feels about your fat?

Are you 100% ok with it, 50%, what?

Do you wonder if he'd still like you if you were thin?

If you do, how much of your time is invested in thinking about it---meaning, do you worry about it or do you just say, "Well, I'm the size I am so there isn't any point worrying about it if I get smaller" ?

If you currently don't have a partner, how do you feel about F.A.'s interest in you when you know it's partly to do with your weight?

This may have been covered in this space before, but I'm interested to hear what people say. Thanks for your time.


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## RedVelvet (Jun 7, 2006)

I will answer this because you are so dang handsome and polite.


My boyfriend is not an FA in the strict sense of the word. He isnt attracted to very skinny women (like most men) but does not have a preference for larger women either.

He likes hourglass shapes, period. I have one...he loves my butt, compliments me often, and never makes me feel like I should lose an ounce....but his past girlfriends were much thinner than I.

The 2 FA's in my life have been problematic as partners. They were internally conflicted and far far too fetishistic in their expression of admiration. I felt objectified more often than not. I have done much better with guys who profess no particular preference, but simply dig me.

They might be FA's too, but dont talk about it except in the context of how much they like how I look. Thats nice, yanno.

This is not to say that I don't like FA's..I do. I just know I have not had good luck with them so far and.......I just know that being wanted primarily for your body/looks alone doesnt feel good to anyone..thin or fat. I have experienced that. 

Thank god not all FA's are that shallow....or people in general, for that matter.

Admittedly, you have to shovel a whole lotta shite to find the ponies, sometimes, alas.


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## GWARrior (Jun 7, 2006)

I guess my man just fell in love with all of me.  He's never said anything about me losing weight, and even said he prefers chunkier women, but I wouldnt say he is an FA. Ive seen a couple of his ex's and 2 of them were big girls.

I guess you could say he just likes women  

I have to agree with RedVelvet, on the fact that being wanted solely on your fat wouldnt feel so great, but luckily, Ive never been with someone like that.


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## Donna (Jun 7, 2006)

JMNYC said:


> How do you feel about the way your partner feels about your fat? Are you 100% ok with it, 50%, what?
> 
> Do you wonder if he'd still like you if you were thin?
> 
> ...



Some complicated questions here. I am perfectly ok with the way my husband Chuck views my fat. If I weren't, then I wouldn't be married to him. Not only did I wonder if he'd still like me if I were thin, we have discussed it! Very early in our relationship, I had the "FA" talk with him. Prior to meeting Chuck, I dated a couple of FAs and some non-FAs and it was important to me to know where he stood on the subject to know how far I wanted to take the relationship with him. One of the questions in that talk was the hypothetical "Would you feel your sexual attraction to me would be diminished should I lose 100 pounds? Fifty pounds? 250 pounds?" I liked his answer to these questions obviously. 

Do I worry about it any longer? No. He's proven to me with his actions time and time again that he loves me and that he would love me if I were 150 pounds or if I were 650 pounds. I look at it this way...one of the things about him that attracts me sexually is his gorgeous blue eyes. If he were to have an accident tomorrow and lose both eyes, would I walk away or love him any less? Would my sexual desire for him be any less than it is? Oh hell no! 

For the record, Chuck's answer was that he doesn't care if I were fat or thin. Is he an FA? Not sure. He is attracted to some thin women but all of his previous relationships have been with fat women. Some bigger, some smaller than I. Does he worship my fat? Again I would have to say no. I dated a couple of hardcore FAs after I divorced my first husband, and their near fixation on my fat was evident from the very first time they looked at me. They didn't see ME, they saw 420 pounds of living and moving fat. I also dated a couple non-FAs who happened to like my personality. But the lack of physical spark just wasn't there and we both knew it.

Does my body turn Chuck on? The resounding answer is YES. I can see it in the way he looks at me.....I can feel it in the way he touches me. And in the time we have been together, my weight has dropped some and then fluctuated back up a bit. Chuck has never ONCE give any indication that he was either happy or sad at my fluctuations.

Hope my two pennies helps. Don't forget to link us when your article is done.


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## Emma (Jun 8, 2006)

I'm perfectly happy with the way my fella views fat and my body. He's said he'll support and find me attractive if I lost weight or gained weight and I believe him. He says he's attracted to all shapes and sizes (exept really skinny women) but he's definatly an FA but he doesn't just think of me as a blob of rolls and folds he thinks of me as a person he loves who he's highly attracted to.

I've been with people who have had fat fixations before and while it's fun for a sexual relationship I couldn't really have a LTR with anyone like that.


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## JMNYC (Jun 8, 2006)

These are all great responses. Thanks for taking the time.


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## BBW Betty (Jun 8, 2006)

JMNYC said:


> How do you feel about the way your partner feels about your fat?
> 
> Are you 100% ok with it, 50%, what?
> 
> ...



*Very interesting questions. Let's see....

I'm very happy that my body pleases my husband. For years, I'd hoped to find someone who would love me in spite of my fat. In Frank, I found someone who appreciates that part of me. We've had "the talk" as well, and if I were thin, he would not have been physically attracted to me. I'm OK with that, as long as he understands that I may want to lose some weight over time for mobility/health reasons, and he does. Other than the rounded and softness, it wouldn't really matter if I were size 16 or 36.

Physical attraction has to be part of the deal, but it's not the whole deal. If it's all about sex, and nothing about personality, character, etc. we might as well just be animals.*


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## Observer (Jun 8, 2006)

May I jump in on this one.

I've always liked larger women. But I learned decades ago to keep my feelings on that in the background. My preference for bigger gels was notable simply by the fact that they were 95% of my dating pattern and I'd stand up to criticism of bigger girls. But even though I was curious I learned early on to never discuss weight with a girl unless she brought it up.

My wife of course knows my hardwired feelings on this topic, which she accepts but doesn't really understand. She was always the big girl in her family and used to feel guilty about it. But she'll tell you that I've never pressured her to gain anything and have cooperated during those short intervals when she has tried to lose. Instead of focusing on size I've encouraged her to get involved with challenges that she never imagined as a youngster - and she has grown in confidence and esteem as success and honors have followed. With all that she's within 20 pounds of where she was when we got married, 

We don't focus on weight in our personal life, although we have had the "would you still be attracted to me if I lost 100 lbs" thing too We're grandparents now, I've never gone out on her, she knows I still love her and her body and that speaks enough to demonstrate my love and commitment. Now we're three time grandparents with a fourth on the way. She says she's lucky to have me - to which I always smile and reply that its a two way street.

Bottom line: if you really love one another, size becomes just one part of a joyous larger (pardon the pun) mosaic. How does she feel aout it? Glad that there are guys like me - just as I'm glad there are women like her.


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## olivefun (Jun 8, 2006)

Hmm 

I have been way fatter and way thinner. 
I have very complicated relationships with men, in general. 

My present lover has never been with anyone as fat as me before and is really enjoying it. I love playing with my fat with him discovering new sexual experiments. Since I have more flesh, he (we) has more flesh to play with. 

In the bedroom, I love my fat, but elsewhere, there are problems. 

For example, in the clothing store, or with opinionated strangers or family members, things can be difficult sometimes. 

With a former feeder boyfriend, I loved taunting and teasing him about weight and food. It was a control issue that was a ton of fun to play with. I was thrilled at the way he responded to my tight or revealing clothing and eating around him was always exciting. 

Now, the man I spend the most amount of time with, is a single hetero man. We share a lot of intimate details about our lives. There is a certain amount of flirting/sexual tension between us. 
However, I know the kind of women he finds attractive. He jokes sometimes that one day he might wake up a changed man, find he is a FA, and say "what took so long!" to himself. 

I am a realist, and know that it is likely that we will stay friends longer this way. I like how things are now. 
I have a very active sex life and so does he. We both go through phases, I suppose. I have noticed that in the time since we have become very close, the women he is sexual with have gotten a bit rounder, more fleshy. I don't know if it is me, or age or my imagination.

This works for me. I don't know anything about what works for others. 

uh, what was the question?


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## AnnMarie (Jun 8, 2006)

I don't use the term FA for every guy who wants to sex up a fat chick. It's an endearment for me, and it's earned through actions, comments, attitude. 

That being said, I have no problem with a true FA and their attitude about my fat body as part of me as a whole person. I completely dig the fact that I turn them on, and that they're not just with me because they're overlooking something because I'm "such a nice girl". I want that passion, that good groping, that REAL tangible desire to be close. It's hot, and fun, and something I thought I'd never have as a fat girl growing up. I always thought I'd need to find someone who wanted me as a person, in spite of the way I "looked". 

I'm SO glad I'm over that. 

Do I worry about it, or spend a lot of time thinking about it? Nope. It's just a fact of life when I'm seeing someone, I know I'm something they're attracted to, and that's all I need to know. 

Would I worry about losing weight? Yes, but only HUGE amounts of weight. I'm so fat now that even if I dropped 100lbs I'd still be a very fat girl, so I don't have any particular fear that some weight loss would drive a partner away. And honestly, as jaded as I may sound, if he hits the road over something like that.... I don't want him anyway. I'll find someone else who loves me as I am. 

It's the same damn reason I wouldn't date a guy who likes a girl who's around 250lbs (or 120 if you want the extreme example), and would love it if I just "got down" to that range. I'm not changing for anyone but me - up or down.


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## Sandie S-R (Jun 8, 2006)

How do you feel about the way your partner feels about your fat?

I feel blessed. Blessed to have a man in my life who thinks I am a beautiful, sexy and desirable woman. Blessed to have a man who loves every inch of my curvey body. Blessed to have a man who will hold my hand, put his arms around me and kiss me in public. Blessed to have a man who is honest about who he is, and makes no apologies.

Are you 100% ok with it, 50%, what?

I am 200% ok with it. How could I not accept and love every part of him, when he has openly accepted and loved every part of me?

Do you wonder if he'd still like you if you were thin?

Not in the least.

If you do, how much of your time is invested in thinking about it---meaning, do you worry about it or do you just say, "Well, I'm the size I am so there isn't any point worrying about it if I get smaller" ?

To expand on the previous answer: I never think about it, or have the least concern about it. Why? Because I am confidant in our love and marriage. He isn't with me because he only loves my body. He loves my personality. He loves my quirky sense of humor. He loves my intellegence and quick wit. He loves my heart. He loves my soul. Oh, yeah, and he loves my body too. But should my body change, he wouldn't stop loving me. I know this, because I know his heart. I know what a good man he is, and if I lost weight, I would still be me, and I know that he loves the whole of me. Just like if anything happened to him that changed his appearance or body, I would still love him...because he is still himself, the man that I love and adore.

Hope that helps, Josh. I would love to see the article when finshed. BTW...nice reversal. I once interviewed you about your relationship. And now you are interviewing me about mine.  (Hi to Jules for me!)


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## JMNYC (Jun 8, 2006)

RedVelvet said:


> I will answer this because you are so dang handsome and polite.



I'm a sucker for a compliment (two!!!). Thank you.


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## AtlantaVixen (Jun 8, 2006)

This is exactly the issue that I'm thinking a lot about currently. I will explain a bit, since I'm new here and new to the whole FA thing in general.

I am a size 20, and have been fat my whole life. I have been as big as a 26 at one point several years ago. Relationships put weight on all women, even if there's no FA's involved.  

I have never been dated by anyone because of my fat. I participate in on-line dating and often still get emails from guys who check that they like "any" body type, and I've even had a few guys want to meet who only like the skinnier girl and average girls. 

So, what brings me to this issue? I recently dated a guy that likes many body types. I actually think that he's a bit of an FA, but he's not even sure of it himself, I think. Mostly, I think he likes a big booty. He says he "just tends to end up" with these plump women, but I see now that his current gf is also a fat girl. I enjoyed being physical with him, and he never seemed to have a problem with me. This was the first time I felt that it was possible that someone would enjoy my body, and not just overlook it. 

So... I am now dating a guy who's an FA. I have no doubts about this. His dating profile is marked only with things that indicate that he likes extra weight. He is also beginning to show signs of liking specific parts and activities. 

I am not sure if I am going to like this. I wonder how far his desires go, what exactly are his desires, what his ex gf's look like, has he always felt this way, do his friends and family know, etc. I have no idea how to bring this conversation up, and it's too soon to do it anyhow. 

My only concern is that I do not want to gain ANY weight. I am happy at my size, but I am not wanting to accidentally gain anything at all. So... I have some unanswered questions about this. This is primarily why I am on the board.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jun 8, 2006)

My boyfriend (or is that boyfriend-in-waiting?) is fairly accepting of all body types. Nearly everyone I've dated has been, and I've run the gambit from tall, slim model to slightly chunky within my own dating choices. I like my current body, yes, and I like the attention it warrants and receives.

Gaining or losing isn't a huge deal to me. My doctor and I agree that it would be best if I kept within 15 lbs either way of my current weight. Worrying about being a size 0 just doesn't even occur to me. It's not going to happen unless I have some major health issue.

It's not a big deal for him unless I'm down to 80 lbs. or up to 3x or 4x my current weight. We've talked about sexual possibilities if I lost or gained. I think he views body changes the way I do: Exciting.


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## grey1969 (Jun 8, 2006)

I believe there to be many different facets to this issue. There are at least four aspects that I can identify.

1)	Being fat is not acceptable to mainstream society. Unfortunately, most fat people continue to buy into the mainstream opinion that being fat equates with being ugly. If a fat person cannot get past that issue, it will be difficult for him/her to accept the admiration of his/her fat body by the earnest FA or FFA who offers up such adulation. This is essentially analogous to the concept that one can not truly accept love from another until learning to love oneself.

2)	An FA walks a tricky path in trying to express his/her attraction to the fat body of his/her partner. It is easy to be perceived as too “hard core” (i.e. fetishist), and the FA may decide it is easier to operate in stealth mode where he attempts to minimize the overt expression of his fat admiration nature. What this boils down to is likely not indulging in too much of a good thing. To caress the fat rolls of one’s partner as part of sexual interactions is likely generally appropriate as long as it is not the central focus. In addition, men have an important responsibility to be a generous lover and take care of the sexual needs of their partner. There is a certain requirement apart from intercourse that most women have to be properly satisfied sexually,and no woman is going to be happy if this is not fulfilled. So if foreplay amounts to the guy fondling her fat rolls and nothing else it is the equivalent of no foreplay in her mind, and why should she be satisfied with that?

3)	Every person wants to feel that they are attractive to their partner as an entire package, both body and mind. This is especially true and important for women, since most men are naturally more driven by visual stimulation. So a woman will often have doubts about how her man will respond if her physical appearance changes in a way that is moving away from his physical ideal. A fat person who hooks up with an FA may worry that their partner will think they are not fat enough and try to fatten them up or lose interest if they lose weight for one reason or another. The FA may therefore seem to be just as superficial as anyone else who is set on a certain physical appearance in their partner. Of course, there must be more substance (common interests, mutual respect, etc.) to allow the relationship to succeed. Furthermore, we all need to be realistic and realize that as we get older and fatter (or thinner), lose hair, get wrinkles, etc. there may be a diminishing of the physical attraction. But as people age and mature, the physical attraction also evolves and becomes a lesser factor in a healthy relationship (I will admit that I am still working on this one). A man who dumps his wife and goes for the young trophy wife may simply be someone who never matured sufficiently or was never very in love with his wife to begin with.

4)	As pointed out by Red Velvet, many FAs are suffering a lot of internal conflict regarding coming to terms with their orientation/preference. This can lead to an unfair burden for a fat person to deal with in trying to make a relationship with such an FA work. Thus, it may be preferred to go with men who are not so much FAs but just open to a range of body sizes in their partner. This is likely to be a viable option for a pretty lady who is on the smaller end of the BBW scale. I would surmise that it will become more difficult for the SSBBWs to attract very many suitors who are not dyed in the wool FAs. Perhaps it would be prudent to show some patience with an FA who is still working on himself, but this patience should be finite and only in the case where he is making visible progress in his self-development. I cannot fault any woman for not being willing to do so, but hope they would at least consider it.


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## Tina (Jun 8, 2006)

JMNYC said:


> For an article I'm writing---don't worry, no names, this is strictly informal and for my own research purposes, and it's also written from a heterosexual man's point of view and so is directed to the ladies--but feel free, anyone, to jump in:



*How do you feel about the way your partner feels about your fat?*

He loves it and I love that he loves it. I'm soft all over -- have soft fat and my skin is very soft, so he touches me a lot, even in public, he will sometimes hold my hand with one hand and stroke the skin of my arm with the other. Being an affectionate sort, that's just fine with me. Both of us are pretty much skin-on-skin sensualists so it works out.

*Are you 100% ok with it, 50%, what?*

I'm 100% okay with it. I have a bum and hips much bigger than my waist and torso, as well as large legs, and I like being shaped that way.

*Do you wonder if he'd still like you if you were thin?*

I know he would still love me if I were thin, but he wouldn't be as sexually attracted to me. He often admires thin actresses and can find them pretty, but not have them do anything for them sexually. 

I've lost a good deal of weight in the last two years, and will still be losing more, but I believe I'll probably be tapering off somewhere within the 250 - 300 lb range (I'm almost 340 lbs now), and likely closer to 300 than 250. This will certainly still leave me fat, but will also continue to improve my mobility. He's fine with it, though I know he doesn't want me to be thin, and that's something I don't want, either. Frankly, I think it would be impossible for me to be anyway, as not only have I never been thin, but I like my curves and, unlike when I was younger, I have no desire to get bony.

*If you do, how much of your time is invested in thinking about it---meaning, do you worry about it or do you just say, "Well, I'm the size I am so there isn't any point worrying about it if I get smaller" ?*

I don't worry about it at all now. At some point about 13 years ago I not only came to terms with my body, but grew to love it and feel comfortable in my skin. I'd like to lose a bit more to increase my health and mobility, and I do work on that daily to some extent, but if I never lost another pound I'd still be happy.

*If you currently don't have a partner, how do you feel about F.A.'s interest in you when you know it's partly to do with your weight?*

I have a partner, but I also still have men who are interested. I'm loyal to my honey, yet feel complimented by the men who have either flirted with me or expressed interest, respectfully (and rarely is it anything but respectful). I feel fine with that. We're all visual creatures, aren't we? Don't we all admire what we consider to be beautiful -- whether it's a work of art, a sunset, or a human being? If that was all my mate was interested in, to the point where he was obsessive, or I felt objectified and like all he wanted was to feel my fat, I'd have a problem with it. But I'm a well-rounded person in more ways than one, and he appreciates my intelligence and personality, as I appreciate his. 

We are first drawn by what we see and by chemistry, but we remain because of how we feel when we are with the person.


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## curvy_zoe (Jun 8, 2006)

My husband has never made a rude comment or suggested in anyway that I should loose weight. I have gained a lot of weight since we have been together. He knows there are aspects of my body I would like to change, but he prefers larger women. He supports me and doesn't push me in either direction. I am happy with me right now and so he is too.


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## Tracyarts (Jun 9, 2006)

It's really neither here nor there with us.

My husband doesn't have a specific body size preference. He dated women from thin to supersized. 

If I gained or lost, he wouldn't care one way or the other. The only time my weight was a concern for him was when I got so fat that I lost my mobilty, independence, and health. The concern was that I was going to die or at least wind up totally housebound. It wasn't an issue of aesthetics or body preference. 

But as long as I am happy and healthy, my weight is neither here nor there to him. It's my body, and my choice as to what size I feel best at.

Tracy


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## TallFatSue (Jun 9, 2006)

I am 100% happy with my husband's preference, because he loves me first and my fat second. :smitten:


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## Jes (Jun 9, 2006)

grey1969 said:


> In addition, men have an important responsibility to be a generous lover and take care of the sexual needs of their partner. There is a certain requirement apart from intercourse that most women have to be properly satisfied sexually,and no woman is going to be happy if this is not fulfilled. So if foreplay amounts to the guy fondling her fat rolls and nothing else it is the equivalent of no foreplay in her mind, and why should she be satisfied with that?
> .



Just wanted to see this part again.


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## grey1969 (Jun 9, 2006)

Jes said:


> Just wanted to see this part again.




Well I do have my occasional moments of clarity. Thanks for noticing.


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## Jes (Jun 9, 2006)

I actually thought the entire thing was fantastic, and repped you for it, you little cantankerous monkey!


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## grey1969 (Jun 9, 2006)

Jes said:


> I actually thought the entire thing was fantastic, and repped you for it, you little cantankerous monkey!



I will take that cantankerous monkey comment as a compliment and thank you for pushing me past the 100 rep point mark. WHo would of thought it would ever happen?


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## Donna (Jun 9, 2006)

grey1969 said:


> I will take that cantankerous monkey comment as a compliment and thank you for pushing me past the 100 rep point mark. WHo would of thought it would ever happen?



Even a broken clock is correct twice a day.


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## grey1969 (Jun 10, 2006)

Donnaalicious said:


> Even a broken clock is correct twice a day.



Ouch. Grey feels offended by that statement, or was it just a playful joke  As you may know I am somewhat humor-impaired, so I will give Metal Mama the benefit of the doubt on this one.  

After discussing this thread with my better half, we have come up with another aspect to this question posed in the original post. The object of the FAs attention, be it a BBW or BHM, may be somewhat uncomfortable with others knowing about their partner's orientation/preference. This is understandable since narrow-minded mainstream folks generally think of FAs as fetishists. Being the spouse of a perceived fetishist/pervert is not high on the list of most people, so it is an understandable response. My wife has certainly confessed to being a little uncomfortable with discussing my 'FAness' but I remain convinced that the positives of such revelations outweigh the negatives. I want people who matter (friends and close family) to know that I adore every part of my beautiful wife, both body and soul. If it leads them to think I am a bit strange in the process, then so be it. In other ways I think people respect someone that is willing to break from convention and be who they are, but those are often only the intelligent and thoughtful few. I don't feel I should have to withhold who I am. Of course with many people such as coworkers, don't ask don't tell or some such approach probably makes the most sense.


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## HassanChop (Jun 10, 2006)

I'm getting a real sense of having your cake and wanting to eat it too. This thread and several others have people saying that they want people to be attracted to them, but emotionally and in a personal sense, not to be objectified for their physical body. I do too, I don't think anyone would disagree that in a perfect, this is the ultimate expression of a love filled relationship kind of way this is what we all aspire to. But what triggers that initial I-want-to-meet-that-person response in anyone? Unless prior reputation precedes them, it's all physical. I have friends who prefer blondes, latinos, asians and the rather tall. My friends themselves are none of those, and yet I can't recall any conversations about women feeling repelled by them for their physicality. "You're only attracted to me because I'm tall and blond, I can't accept that". Or red haired or black or whatever. Men are visual creatures, and women are too, to maybe a lesser extent. If a man is not attracted physically to the larger women then he wouldn't be talking to you in the first place. I'm not singling anyone out or trying to hurt anyone, but the people who are saying that my man is attracted to me as a person and my body is just an afterthought that I am glad he is happy with, you have to know at least a little that he's an FA and he's just keeping things on the DL. Women that you're with each have something that you love about them besides their body, shared preferences, a funny kind of laugh, the fact she donates her time to the less fortunate, it can be anything. But the physical attraction has to be there too. Granted, over the top, fixated kind of creepy is not cool, but maybe someone can enlighten me as to why you can be put off to someone who is physically attracted to you.


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## JMNYC (Jun 11, 2006)

grey1969 said:


> This is understandable since narrow-minded mainstream folks generally think of FAs as fetishists. Being the spouse of a perceived fetishist/pervert is not high on the list of most people, so it is an understandable response.



Perhaps others aren't so narrow-minded as just plain unaware. Obviously I am aware of gay people, for instance, but I don't really concern myself with the logistics of how their relationships play out sexually unless it's by happenstance, and even then, my interest hits a limit. 

I don't think loving fat women is any more of a fetish than a woman who prefers dudes over 6 feet and 200 pounds; no one tells them they're weird for it.


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## Carrie (Jun 11, 2006)

In the past year I've been fortunate enough to date two true and wonderful FA's, one of whom is my current sweetie, which was a completely new and thrilling experience for me. Now that I've experienced being with someone who is equally stimulated by and attracted to my body, mind and soul (barfbag, anyone?), I don't know that I could ever go back to dating a non-FA. I want it all, it's as simple as that. I don't want to settle for someone who isn't completely attracted to me in every way. I want to look into his eyes and see unadulterated lust there - as it should be - and I want to be with someone who is proud to be with me. 

So not only am I "ok" with my partner's preferences, I love him even more for them. I have my preferences, and he has his - happily, we happen to embody them for each other, so the physical chemistry is, well....pretty extraordinary. Add in the mental and emotional connection, and it feels pretty damn right.


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## NancyGirl74 (Jun 11, 2006)

I confess...I still feel awkward when an FA admires my fat. My feelings tend to split in two on this subject. One side of me enjoys having my fat found attractive especially after thinking that no one would ever find my body attractive. However, the other side of me, the side that has always believed what society tells us, finds it disconcerting when a FA finds me attractive. I have a hard time believing them because I don't believe anyone could find fat attractive. Consciously I know differently now but my first instinctive response is still usually one of doubt. I hope with time I will learn to be less doubtful.


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## Jes (Jun 12, 2006)

NancyGirl74 said:


> I confess...I still feel awkward when an FA admires my fat. My feelings tend to split in two on this subject. One side of me enjoys having my fat found attractive especially after thinking that no one would ever find my body attractive. However, the other side of me, the side that has always believed what society tells us, finds it disconcerting when a FA finds me attractive. I have a hard time believing them because I don't believe anyone could find fat attractive. Consciously I know differently now but my first instinctive response is still usually one of doubt. I hope with time I will learn to be less doubtful.


We are all works in progress, boobookitty.


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## moonvine (Jun 12, 2006)

JMNYC said:


> If you currently don't have a partner, how do you feel about F.A.'s interest in you when you know it's partly to do with your weight?



I would not mind someone being attracted to me PARTLY because of my weight. I would have a big problem with someone being attracted to me SOLELY because of my weight.


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## grey1969 (Jun 12, 2006)

JMNYC said:


> Perhaps others aren't so narrow-minded as just plain unaware. Obviously I am aware of gay people, for instance, but I don't really concern myself with the logistics of how their relationships play out sexually unless it's by happenstance, and even then, my interest hits a limit.
> 
> I don't think loving fat women is any more of a fetish than a woman who prefers dudes over 6 feet and 200 pounds; no one tells them they're weird for it.



You are right that we, as FAs / FFAs, don't feel like we are fetishists. We simply are drawn to fat women / men for some unexplained reason. 

The question is how the general public perceives us. It seems there is still a lot needed to be done to make them more aware that we exist as a legitimate group. Or do we just go about our business and ignore any negative opinions of others? It seems the conventional wisdom here is in favor of the latter.


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## Adrian (Jun 13, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> He's said he'll support and find me attractive if I lost weight or gained weight


Yes, I said the same thing when my wife's weight was at it "personal best" (maximum)! After the loss of one hundred and fifty pounds, I found for me it was not completely true. I still loved my wife but sexually my desire was not the same. Sad to say, real life and the self image I had of myself were not completely the same.
I had discovered as her weight went up after each pregnancy (three of them) I personally felt she was far more attractive as a SSBBW.




Donnaalicious said:


> If he were to have an accident tomorrow and lose both eyes, would I walk away or love him any less? Would my sexual desire for him be any less than it is? Oh hell no!


That is nice provided..... his behavior didn't change. It is not uncommon for a person who significant changes in their appearance to change some of their behaviors. If too much of the behaviors change then, the relationship will be altered.
I know personally, I went through some changes after I went on a "candybar diet," to gain weight! At 6'-½" and a weight of 155-lbs, I was skinny and was not happy with the way I looked. After I gained 30-lbs weight, my outlook on my body image was altered. It affected the way I played flag football each fall, the much easier way I was able to purchase cloths, my 'command presence' was speacking out about something.... standing my position.
{You have to remember before the size acceptance movement in the mid-1970's, for a man to openly state his preference for BBWs, he must have been willing to be confrontational! This stance prevented ridicule or negative statements made about BBWs in front of me.}




Observer said:


> My preference for bigger gels was notable simply by the fact that they were 95% of my dating pattern and I'd stand up to criticism of bigger girls.


This was my experience also. Years later while fighting "clincal depression" talking to an analysis, I discovered that 'proportionally' each girl I dated was larger than her predessor!




JMNYC said:


> Do you wonder if he'd still like you if you were thin?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah, it is a sad thing that I had to discover about myself.




moonvine said:


> I would have a big problem with someone being attracted to me SOLELY because of my weight.


Any relationship -based soley on one item or thing will fail.




AnnMarie said:


> I don't use the term FA for every guy who wants to sex up a fat chick. It's an endearment for me, and it's earned through actions, comments, attitude.


Thank You emmensely for that statements for all the FA's who feel that applies to them.

Adrian


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## JMNYC (Jun 13, 2006)

grey1969 said:


> It seems there is still a lot needed to be done to make them more aware that we exist as a legitimate group. Or do we just go about our business and ignore any negative opinions of others? It seems the conventional wisdom here is in favor of the latter.



Well, I am taking steps to change people's perceptions of men who love fat women, from my own experience, at least, with this article. It's 3000 words---that's 5 pages of single-spaced 12-pt. type words---so I have a nice platform to say what I want to say.


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## olivefun (Jun 13, 2006)

Just curious for what publication is this intended? 

(That is a lot of ink for a magazine to commit to a subject such as this.) 

I would love to see a fat acceptance article in Oprah's magazine. 
You know, I would bet that her editors would be open to such an idea if the pitch was worded_ just so._


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## moonvine (Jun 13, 2006)

olivefun said:


> I would love to see a fat acceptance article in Oprah's magazine.
> You know, I would bet that her editors would be open to such an idea if the pitch was worded_ just so._



I am surprised you would think this. I have always found Oprah to be lipophobic in the extreme. I would not think her magazine would publish such an article, though I neither watch the show nor read the magazine.


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## olivefun (Jun 13, 2006)

I know what you mean about Oprah, the person. 
She is downright disdainful about fat every time she loses weight. 

Her magazine however, has a mandate about making people feel empowered and strong. Ostensibly that is. 
It is worth it to pitch to them, even if they turn him down.


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## grey1969 (Jun 13, 2006)

JMNYC said:


> Well, I am taking steps to change people's perceptions of men who love fat women, from my own experience, at least, with this article. It's 3000 words---that's 5 pages of single-spaced 12-pt. type words---so I have a nice platform to say what I want to say.



Good luck with that. Needless to say, we are all pulling for you. As far as the venue for such an article, From previous discussions here, it was suggested that Fat Admirer 'activism' is probably most needed for the admirers themselves (many of whom are not willing to admit to their preference/ orientation). I would therefore advocate for such an article in a men's magazine like GQ or Men's Health. Ideally, we would have articles appearing in magazines geared toward men and in magazines geared toward women. On the other hand it seems that the article you are writing might be geared more toward explaining to women about fat admirers, so would be more appropriate to the women's magazine


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## JMNYC (Jun 13, 2006)

grey1969 said:


> On the other hand it seems that the article you are writing might be geared more toward explaining to women about fat admirers, so would be more appropriate to the women's magazine




It's aimed at anyone who wants to read a fun, peculiar story of being an F.A. as a child, a teen, young adult and so on, and experiencing relationships with women of all sizes as well as describing in detail my first date with a SSBBW, my first BBW dance, and how things are today.

I would also hope it would give courage to men who are still in the closet as I was, and encouragement to big women who think they aren't attractive because of their size.

I'm loathe to name the zine until it's actually published and I get paid, but it's a popular oft-quoted site with left-leaning political commentary, reviews, articles about music, books, films, modern life, technology, relationships and sex and more. 

It'll probably be published some time in the next two weeks, and I'll post a link here.


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## RedVelvet (Jun 13, 2006)

JMNYC said:


> It's aimed at anyone who wants to read a fun, peculiar story of being an F.A. as a child, a teen, young adult and so on, and experiencing relationships with women of all sizes as well as describing in detail my first date with a SSBBW, my first BBW dance, and how things are today.
> 
> I would also hope it would give courage to men who are still in the closet as I was, and encouragement to big women who think they aren't attractive because of their size.
> 
> ...




Salon.com?.... ah well..I will wait for the link...


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## RedVelvet (Jun 22, 2006)

Ha! Did I guess this or did I guess this!.... yay for me!


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## exile in thighville (Jun 23, 2006)

not a woman, or the partner you want to hear from, but my two cents nonetheless. my girlfriend's gorgeous and if she lost the weight, i admittedly can imagine being a little boreder in bed (or anywhere really) as certain parts i enjoy playing with would no longer exist, but she'd still be gorgeous and intelligent. and the bohemian in me that encourages girlfriends to not hold back on dessert would have to support the same freedom in her choice to de-indulge, or my morals are at stake.


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