# Any Lesbian/Bisexual FFA's?



## freedombigirl (Apr 17, 2006)

*I've loved big women for as long as I can remember, ever since I was a kid. I find women so much more attractive than men. Always thought it was weird liking big women, even after coming out as bi. So many men like big women though, and after I discovered the BBW scene I realised it was pretty ok and not at all weird. Plus my new girlfriend loves big women too, guess things are starting to fall into place  *


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## GWARrior (Apr 17, 2006)

Im bi.

:eat2:


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## mouse (Apr 17, 2006)

I'm bi too.
I know there has been a thread like this before... but I forget where


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## sunandshadow (Apr 17, 2006)

bi but not an ffa, sorry


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## Emma (Apr 18, 2006)

I'm bi and adore big women. The bigger the better. lol


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## Allie Cat (Apr 18, 2006)

Me too!

Wait, what am I doing here? o.o;

=Divals


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 18, 2006)

I'm openly bisexual, but I pretty much swing for all types, though I've primarily dated skinnier women.


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## JoyJoy (Apr 18, 2006)

I've been openly bi for some time, and my attractions are mostly based on personality and confidence, rather than size.


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## ashmamma84 (Apr 18, 2006)

I'm a lesbian and admire fat women. My partner loves big women too - so it works out nicely.


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## missaf (Apr 18, 2006)

There are alot of bi's on the board, some choose to lurk in that respect, tho


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## Miss Vickie (Apr 18, 2006)

missaf said:


> There are alot of bi's on the board, some choose to lurk in that respect, tho



True that, given that some of us have gotten giNORmous rations of shit from people (on this very site) because of our sexual proclivities.

Nuh uh. Ain't-a-gonna go there.


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## Jes (Apr 18, 2006)

Miss Vickie said:


> True that, given that some of us have gotten giNORmous rations of shit from people (on this very site) because of our sexual proclivities.
> 
> Nuh uh. Ain't-a-gonna go there.


Really??? Man, I miss everything.

I'm just mad that the bi-identifying wommens are married to men. I have a gaggle of friends who self-identify as lesbian (not bi) who are married to men (and the marriage happened after the self-id'ing). I'm all: that's great, but leave a few men for us straights, eh?


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## GoddessPatty (Apr 18, 2006)

Im loving this thread :eat2: 
I dont normally post about my sexual preferences on a public forum due to my shyness (haha) but heck, why not??
Yes Im bi and just love me some fun, outgoing women. I normally go for the skinny chicks but lately my flavor has been a bit more meaty. As long as she has the personality, size doesnt matter anymore.
I love men just as much but women really know how to show passion alot more than men. Well at least in my world! 

:kiss2: Goddess Patty:kiss2:


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## Littleghost (Apr 18, 2006)

Jes said:


> I have a gaggle of friends who self-identify as lesbian (not bi) who are married to men (and the marriage happened after the self-id'ing).


Wait, what??? Now I've heard it all. I'm so very confused. 
Bi-sexual with no attraction to men (just hermaphrodites)
--Littleghost


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## freedombigirl (Apr 18, 2006)

CurvyEm said:


> I'm bi and adore big women. The bigger the better. lol


Damn right, and what a response in just 2 days, thanks peeps


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## Jack Skellington (Apr 18, 2006)

When you are bi that takes away dates from both gay and straight people. I mean come on! That's just being greedy.


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## missaf (Apr 18, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> When you are bi that takes away dates from both gay and straight people. I mean come on! That's just being greedy.




Having cake and eating it too


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## fatgirl33 (Apr 18, 2006)

I'm a lesbian and an FFA (and a BBW too, I like to think!). My partner is a proud SSBBW, and our sharing this preference has really been wonderful in our relationship.

Oh, and we have a daughter who just turned 6 months! Yay! :smitten: 

Brenda


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## ChickletsBBW (Apr 18, 2006)

i'm not bi.. but i never realized so many of you girls were bi  

on the flip side.. I've always wanted to date a guy that was bi.. but.. never happened


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## GWARrior (Apr 18, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> When you are bi that takes away dates from both gay and straight people. I mean come on! That's just being greedy.




You're just jealous!


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## Allie Cat (Apr 18, 2006)

Miss Vickie said:


> True that, given that some of us have gotten giNORmous rations of shit from people (on this very site) because of our sexual proclivities.
> 
> Nuh uh. Ain't-a-gonna go there.



I haven't had that happen... I think I'm the only transsexual on here and I haven't had anyone get pissy about it. And I'm bi. I'm a veritable fruit salad!

=Divals


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## Jack Skellington (Apr 18, 2006)

GWARrior said:


> You're just jealous!



No, I'm joking. I really don't care.



Divals said:


> I think I'm the only transsexual on here and I haven't had anyone get pissy about it.



When I asked you if you are pre or post you said neither.  

I think you are maybe confusing transgendered and transsexual.


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## wtchmel (Apr 18, 2006)

Count me in as Bi and married to a man, yet no time to ever indulge in the ladies


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## Allie Cat (Apr 18, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> When I asked you if you are pre or post you said neither.
> 
> I think you are maybe confusing transgendered and transsexual.



No, I know what I'm talking about... I'm simply opting to just live with it instead of transitioning, for various reasons.

One of which being that I'd be a really really ugly girl. Granted, I'm an ugly guy... but ugliness is more forgivable in male-type peoples. 

=Divals


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## Miss Vickie (Apr 18, 2006)

Jes said:


> Really??? Man, I miss everything.
> 
> I'm just mad that the bi-identifying wommens are married to men. I have a gaggle of friends who self-identify as lesbian (not bi) who are married to men (and the marriage happened after the self-id'ing). I'm all: that's great, but leave a few men for us straights, eh?



It was long ago, and a mermaid far far away. Sadly, though, some folks have long memories (and big hard drives) so it's not something I bring up a lot.

I wonder, though, if someone identifies as bi, why NOT marry men? I've always had romantic relationships with men, whereas the few relationships I've had with women were more like "friends with benefits", so I honestly can't see myself hooking up with a woman for the long term. That leaves men, although I've tried to limit myself so as to leave lots for the rest of ya's. (As if they're lining up or something...)


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## Miss Vickie (Apr 18, 2006)

Divals said:


> I haven't had that happen... I think I'm the only transsexual on here and I haven't had anyone get pissy about it. And I'm bi. I'm a veritable fruit salad!
> 
> =Divals



I think maybe the new board software has changed things, but this was many years ago in the old forum. It was a very painful experience for me at the time, though I can laugh about it now.


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## Allie Cat (Apr 18, 2006)

Miss Vickie said:


> It was long ago, and a mermaid far far away. Sadly, though, some folks have long memories (and big hard drives) so it's not something I bring up a lot.
> 
> I wonder, though, if someone identifies as bi, why NOT marry men? I've always had romantic relationships with men, whereas the few relationships I've had with women were more like "friends with benefits", so I honestly can't see myself hooking up with a woman for the long term. That leaves men, although I've tried to limit myself so as to leave lots for the rest of ya's. (As if they're lining up or something...)



My mom's bi, and she was married to my dad for 12 years... now she's been with her girlfriend for six or seven years. Some people really can go both ways I guess 

But I feel the same way as you actually... I've always had romantic relationships with women, never been with a guy, but I suspect it'd be the same as yours, except opposite... er, you know what I mean.

So am I mostly str8 or mostly lesbian... ah the confusion in my head!

=Divals


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## Carrie (Apr 18, 2006)

Alright, it must be said -- I'd be completely flattered to get hit on by any of the women in this thread.


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## Allie Cat (Apr 18, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Alright, it must be said -- I'd be completely flattered to get hit on by any of the women in this thread.



You are teh hotx0rz 

=Divals


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## Carrie (Apr 18, 2006)

Awww! Aren't you sweet.... thank you. :wubu:


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## Allie Cat (Apr 18, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Awww! Aren't you sweet.... thank you. :wubu:



I try to be wonderful to everyone, succeed rarely, but every success is a victory eh?

Or, in the vernacular of my chosen field, "w00t! pwnz0rz omgrofflecopter!1onetwothree." 

=Divals


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 18, 2006)

Divals said:


> No, I know what I'm talking about... I'm simply opting to just live with it instead of transitioning, for various reasons.
> 
> One of which being that I'd be a really really ugly girl. Granted, I'm an ugly guy... but ugliness is more forgivable in male-type peoples.
> 
> =Divals



On "living with it," NO ONE should be expected to live in the wrong body. That's unfair to you. It's not about being "beautiful." It's about you being comfortable in your own skin. I'm not saying you should jump into transitioning, but you should definately talk to someone and look more into the process. I've NEVER heard anyone regret it.


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## Allie Cat (Apr 18, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> On "living with it," NO ONE should be expected to live in the wrong body. That's unfair to you. It's not about being "beautiful." It's about you being comfortable in your own skin. I'm not saying you should jump into transitioning, but you should definately talk to someone and look more into the process. I've NEVER heard anyone regret it.



I've looked into it. And it scares me... I don't know if I'm anywhere near emotionally ready (or stable enough for that matter) to do something so drastic. Besides, if I did transition, I would lose the woman I love more than life itself. And then what would be the point of living?

And I'm comfortable for the most part. It's just when I'm really depressed that I can't stand myself.

=Divals

Edit: Actually, a couple months ago I was ready to transition right then and there. I learned from that... surpressing stuff is BAD. Soo I'm acting more like how I naturally feel I should, instead of striving for a ridiculous societal expectation of machismo. Bah on masculinity I say! Bah and double bah!


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Apr 18, 2006)

It's cliche, but you really aren't emotionally ready for a relationship until YOU'RE complete as a person. That said, don't start transitioning until you're ready, and do it slow. I can't speak from the experience of being a FTM or MTF, but I've watched a friend go through it, and I can say it's a wonderful process.


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## Allie Cat (Apr 18, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:
 

> It's cliche, but you really aren't emotionally ready for a relationship until YOU'RE complete as a person. That said, don't start transitioning until you're ready, and do it slow. I can't speak from the experience of being a FTM or MTF, but I've watched a friend go through it, and I can say it's a wonderful process.



I think I'm ready for a relationship. We've been together for two and a half wonderful years now...

And like I said, I'm not transitioning -.-

=Divals


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## Jack Skellington (Apr 18, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> It's cliche, but you really aren't emotionally ready for a relationship until YOU'RE complete as a person.



Sadeian is very wise.

If you don't feel you are a man, that's something that is not going to go away. Better to deal with it now than deciding years down the road you can't live as a man any more. 

That's not fair to your partner and it's not fair to you. It's also certainly not fair to any children if you and your partner decide on starting a family.


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## Allie Cat (Apr 18, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> Sadeian is very wise.
> 
> If you don't feel you are a man, that's something that is not going to go away. Better to deal with it now than deciding years down the road you can't live as a man any more.
> 
> That's not fair to your partner and it's not fair to you. It's also certainly not fair to any children if you and your partner decide on starting a family.



The only way that'd happen is if she already left me. I can deal just fine with my little dysphoria thing as long as she's here.

Mrow.

=Divals


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## sunandshadow (Apr 18, 2006)

Jes said:


> I'm just mad that the bi-identifying wommens are married to men. I have a gaggle of friends who self-identify as lesbian (not bi) who are married to men (and the marriage happened after the self-id'ing). I'm all: that's great, but leave a few men for us straights, eh?



I definitely want to marry a man someday. One thing to take into consideration is that most bi people are not equally interested in both genders - a lot will have sex with both but only fall in love with/marry one, or some are attracted to a high percentage of one but a low percentage of the other. I like kind of feminine looking men best, so while I'm also somewhat interested infeminine-looking women and masculine-looking men, I hope to find a feminine-looking man to be my life partner.


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## Jes (Apr 18, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> No, I'm joking. I really don't care.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah, I can't.... well...

As my (bi) friend always tells me, being bi means having twice as many chances to have no date on New Year's Eve.


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## Jes (Apr 18, 2006)

Miss Vickie said:


> It was long ago, and a mermaid far far away. Sadly, though, some folks have long memories (and big hard drives) so it's not something I bring up a lot.
> 
> I wonder, though, if someone identifies as bi, why NOT marry men? I've always had romantic relationships with men, whereas the few relationships I've had with women were more like "friends with benefits", so I honestly can't see myself hooking up with a woman for the long term. That leaves men, although I've tried to limit myself so as to leave lots for the rest of ya's. (As if they're lining up or something...)


Now technically, it's not my bidness, but since I make everything about me, i guess what confuses me about lesbian friends who marry men is...were I choosing to express myself using terminology, I'd at least say bi, I think (personally). They didn't/don't. I find that interesting. And confusing.


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## Jack Skellington (Apr 19, 2006)

Jes said:


> i guess what confuses me about lesbian friends who marry men is...were I choosing to express myself using terminology, I'd at least say bi, I think (personally). They didn't/don't. I find that interesting. And confusing.



Yeah, you would think marrying men would kinda defeat the whole purpose of being a Lesbian. That is a tad confusing when you think about it.


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## freedombigirl (Apr 19, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Alright, it must be said -- I'd be completely flattered to get hit on by any of the women in this thread.


Well, I think you are gorgeous honey xx


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## Jes (Apr 19, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> Yeah, you would think marrying men would kinda defeat the whole purpose of being a Lesbian. That is a tad confusing when you think about it.


I can absolutely understand still identifying as lesbian (or mainly lesbian) and falling in love with, or partnering with a man for a variety of reasons. But I guess...I'd then say I was bi. Not that they have to, I just don't 'get' it. I have also wondered how the husbands felt about it. But, to their credit, the husbands didn't outwardly show any trauma...


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## JoyJoy (Apr 19, 2006)

sunandshadow said:


> One thing to take into consideration is that most bi people are not equally interested in both genders - a lot will have sex with both but only fall in love with/marry one, or some are attracted to a high percentage of one but a low percentage of the other. I like kind of feminine looking men best, so while I'm also somewhat interested infeminine-looking women and masculine-looking men, I hope to find a feminine-looking man to be my life partner.


 
Thank you for this...I run into many people who think that because I identify myself as bi, that I hit on or want to sleep with any woman I meet. I want to live my life with a man as my partner. I love masculinity. But there's nothing like the softness and tenderness a woman can give, (especially a wonderfully curvy woman :wubu: ) and when I *connect* with a woman, it's a wonderful thing.


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## Allie Cat (Apr 19, 2006)

My fiancee's mom thought that being bi meant I would have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. I'm the most monogamous person I know... :doh: 

=Divals


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## lipmixgirl (Apr 19, 2006)

big girls kick a$$...


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## sunandshadow (Apr 19, 2006)

Divals said:


> My fiancee's mom thought that being bi meant I would have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. I'm the most monogamous person I know... :doh:
> 
> =Divals



Haha someone should tell her about polyamory. Me, I figure I'll never have a chance to have more than one SO at a time so there's no point in worrying about it, but I'm not naturally monogamous and I fantasized about being part of a polyfamily when I was younger.


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## Jack Skellington (Apr 19, 2006)

Jes said:


> I can absolutely understand still identifying as lesbian (or mainly lesbian) and falling in love with, or partnering with a man for a variety of reasons.



I don't know. Bi, sure. But Lesbian? That's like a guy saying "I'm straight, I guess I'll go shag me some dudes."

Doesn't make any sense.


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## Carrie (Apr 19, 2006)

freedombigirl said:


> Well, I think you are gorgeous honey xx



Teehee. Thank you. 


P.S. Beautiful profile picture!


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 19, 2006)

Well you asked. Yes I am Bi - and married to a wonderful man. That's all I'm gonna say as I have taken way too much shit here for my choices. Nuff said.


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## Tiger's_Lily (Apr 19, 2006)

*I'm wondering if I can get some answers to this question?

A little history first!

Couple # 1: Married eight years with one child now seven years old, then husband is told of his wife having an affair, with a woman. Couple now going through a rather sad and bitter divorce.

Couple # 2: One child, get married when child is one year old, then one year later, she tells him she's leaving him for a woman. Couple now divorced, husband still very bitter!

Why is it that some women seem to think it's ok to deceive these guys who both are loving handsome young men, have a child, then break up their families, for what I see as totally selfish reasons? 

I most definitely am not against homosexuality, my dearest and oldest friend in the world is a gay guy, however, what these women did, I believe is nothing more than deplorable! It's not like they both woke up one morning and said..."ummmm I think I'll turn gay from today on!". What they should have done, in my opinion, was to have been TOTALLY honest with the guys before they married and brought a child into the situation. They both must have been aware of their feelings.

I just DON'T understand!!!!

BTW....I know, neither of the guys had any idea their worlds where about to come crashing down around them!!*


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## love dubh (Apr 19, 2006)

I have bisexual tendencies, I think. I said "I think" because I have not had the chance to "experiment." Though, I do know that I find girls attractive...I wonder how a romantic interaction between myself and another girl would go! I know definately, however, that I find thick women very beautiful.

But, I have a wonderful boyfriend now, and would not endanger our relationship for experimentation.


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## missaf (Apr 19, 2006)

> Why is it that some women seem to think it's ok to deceive these guys who both are loving handsome young men, have a child, then break up their families, for what I see as totally selfish reasons?



Men do this same thing, too. I was married for six years before my husband decided to announce he was most assuredly transgendered/bi/lesbian trapped in a man's body and was forcing me to live a relationship built on fraud.


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## missaf (Apr 19, 2006)

maire dubh said:


> I have bisexual tendencies, I think. I said "I think" because I have not had the chance to "experiment." Though, I do know that I find girls attractive...I wonder how a romantic interaction between myself and another girl would go! I know definately, however, that I find thick women very beautiful.
> 
> But, I have a wonderful boyfriend now, and would not endanger our relationship for experimentation.



For many of my friends who are female, FFAs and bi, it's a matter of relationships with women that naturally lead into all the benefits. A gal pal to do things with, go places, watch the same movies and TV, and that natural intimacy and friendship just lends itself to take the intimacy to another comfortable and wonderful level that can't be found anywhere else; it's unique.


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## Allie Cat (Apr 19, 2006)

missaf said:


> Men do this same thing, too. I was married for six years before my husband decided to announce he was most assuredly transgendered/bi/lesbian trapped in a man's body and was forcing me to live a relationship built on fraud.



Ouch.

I've been totally open with Carla since the beginning. I think I may have weirded her out (hell, I know I have) once or twice... but our relationship's ultimately stronger because of it.

=Divals


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## RedHead (Apr 19, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> No, I'm joking. I really don't care.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Jack..I am confused as well. When I went to Divals site it just said that he was bi....and was engaged to a beautiful young lady. Very confused...


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## Allie Cat (Apr 19, 2006)

My site is my portal to the outside world. I'm taking a risk just saying that I'm bi on there, if people knew I was transsexual as well I would probably never be hired in the industry I'm going into.

And I am engaged, we've been together two and a half years.

=Divals


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 19, 2006)

> Why is it that some women seem to think it's ok to deceive these guys who both are loving handsome young men, have a child, then break up their families, for what I see as totally selfish reasons?



Would it be any different if these women had fallin in love with men instead of women? Things happen in life.


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## Miss Vickie (Apr 19, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Would it be any different if these women had fallin in love with men instead of women? Things happen in life.




Yup. I agree. Affairs are affairs are affairs are affairs. Gender doesn't play into it, in my opinion. In my own situations, I've been completely honest with all of my partners (like I've had so many - not) about my proclivities. And having an affair behind one's partner's back is a far different thing than an arranged open or poly marriage.

Edited to add that over the years I've been attracted to women of varying shapes and sizes. The only thing they all had in common was that, like me, they were "mostly straight" and also that they were pretty feminine in demeanor (also like me).


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 19, 2006)

Miss Vickie said:


> Yup. I agree. Affairs are affairs are affairs are affairs. Gender doesn't play into it, in my opinion. In my own situations, I've been completely honest with all of my partners (like I've had so many - not) about my proclivities. And having an affair behind one's partner's back is a far different thing than an arranged open or poly marriage.




I agree completely Vickie!


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## missaf (Apr 19, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I agree completely Vickie!




Same here  I think this is a first


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## Jack Skellington (Apr 19, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Would it be any different if these women had fallin in love with men instead of women? Things happen in life.



Because people can see that as a betrayal on two levels. Not only has their partner cheated, they weren't even honest about their sexuality. Making a person feel their entire relationship was a lie.


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## William (Apr 19, 2006)

Hi 

One of my client's wife left him for a Woman and he was plagued by issues of inadequacies. It took him a long to realize that it was not about him as much as it was about her. She was not honest with him or herself about her sexuality.

William





Jack Skellington said:


> Because people can see that as a betrayal on two levels. Not only has their partner cheated, they weren't even honest about their sexuality. Making a person feel their entire relationship was a lie.


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## missaf (Apr 19, 2006)

William said:


> Hi
> 
> One of my client's wife left him for a Woman and he was plagued by issues of inadequacies. It took him a long to realize that it was not about him as much as it was about her. She was not honest with him or herself about her sexuality.
> 
> William



The honesty issue is what kills it for me. For those of you who choose to act on your desires, that's great, as long as you're honest with yourselves and all partners involved, more power to you! When my ex decided to say "I thought you were woman enough to pull me out of it and make me a man" -- I faces a lot of inadequacy issues in my own immaturity, and suffered for several years with coming to terms with myself.


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Apr 19, 2006)

Let me throw something else into the mix.

I married my first wife in 1974. We had two children right away, separated in 1977, and divorced in 1979. A few years after that, she came out as a lesbian.

So - what would have happened if we were still married when she discovered her true sexual orientation? Would it have made any difference if she had left me for a man or a woman? Either way, the marriage would have been over.

And since my ex passed away in 1998, I'll never have the answer to this: did she discover she was a lesbian AFTER we were divorced, or did she know BEFORE we got married but wanted to adhere to societal pressures to live a "normal" life?

There are so many variables in human sexuality. And there are no cut-and-dried answers. Maybe it's NOT the gender that matters - maybe it's the PERSON with whom we fall in love. The answer depends on the people involved.

Just my two cents.


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## herin (Apr 19, 2006)

I definitely have bisexual tendencies. I had a wonderful experience my first semester of college with my roommate and her boyfriend.  

Then a few years ago, I *almost* had an experience with my best friend. I think I was in love with her. She was at the time the only person in my life who "got me". She's also pretty hot. I'm glad now that nothing ever happened between us because I value her friendship too much to jeapordize it for anything on the world.


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## BigGirlSea (Apr 20, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> Because people can see that as a betrayal on two levels. Not only has their partner cheated, they weren't even honest about their sexuality. Making a person feel their entire relationship was a lie.



Many people think of sexuality as something more fluid. Maybe these people didn't realize for years when they were in a relationship that they were attracted to the same gender.

I am glad to see this whole thread!


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Apr 20, 2006)

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> There are so many variables in human sexuality. And there are no cut-and-dried answers. Maybe it's NOT the gender that matters - maybe it's the PERSON with whom we fall in love. The answer depends on the people involved.
> 
> Just my two cents.



This is just one of the many reasons why I love this man.:wubu: :wubu:


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## Tiger's_Lily (Apr 20, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> Because people can see that as a betrayal on two levels. Not only has their partner cheated, they weren't even honest about their sexuality. Making a person feel their entire relationship was a lie.



*EXACTLY!!!!......Thank you Jack  *


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## prickly (Apr 20, 2006)

well, someone had to say it


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## Tad (Apr 20, 2006)

Divals said:


> My fiancee's mom thought that being bi meant I would have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. I'm the most monogamous person I know... :doh:
> 
> =Divals



*L* I can relate. I think I am theoretically bi (although attracted to about ten times as many women as men), by the time I had that all figured out I was in a monogamous relationship which continues to this day, close to 15 years later. So from my actions I could just as well be hyper-straight. But I've heard quite a few stereotypes of bi-sexuals as being very promiscuous.

-Ed
PS. Sorry for getting involved in a tangent on the thread


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## missaf (Apr 20, 2006)

Not really a tangent, Ed!

Some people are classified bi just because they admire beauty in the same sex. That's totally unacceptable to me. Sure, I love to point out how beautiful women are, and I like to girl watch with my guy friends, but that doesn't make me anything but a conniseur of fine taste!


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## Tad (Apr 20, 2006)

missaf said:


> Men do this same thing, too. I was married for six years before my husband decided to announce he was most assuredly transgendered/bi/lesbian trapped in a man's body and was forcing me to live a relationship built on fraud.



To quote Divals: "Ouch"

It had not gone on nearly as long, but my wife's first boyfriend (the one who kept telling her that at a size 10 she was too fat), broke up with her then announced not so much later that he was gay. She's still a little sensitive around that topic.

I guess some people think that if they pretend these drives don't exist, they'll go away, or something like that. I wish when the information about human sexuality was passed along, people would be told "and oh yah, the things that you secretly feel, that maybe you feel a little weird about--well, you'll always feel those things. Maybe you can deny them or maybe you can't, but try and figure it out before you get into relationships too seriously, OK?"

-Ed


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## fatgirl33 (Apr 20, 2006)

A lot of the issues and bad experiences I have been reading about really hit home with me. I think most lesbians of my generation had similar feelings, most of us had a hard time reaching some kind of self-acceptance, etc.

I only hope that the fact we can chat about it openly in a forum like this means that subsequent generations won't have as hard a time...

Brenda


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## Allie Cat (Apr 25, 2006)

edx said:


> I guess some people think that if they pretend these drives don't exist, they'll go away, or something like that.



I did that for a while. It wasn't cool 

=Divals


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## StoneFemme (Apr 28, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> Because people can see that as a betrayal on two levels. Not only has their partner cheated, they weren't even honest about their sexuality. Making a person feel their entire relationship was a lie.





People are socially conditioned to believe that anything other than straight is abnormal, bad, dirty, evil, sinful etc etc and many of them repress whatever feelings they have for members of the same sex for many years as a result. It isn't like they intentionally decideved their oppositte-sex partners ( most of the time). 

I happen to be fortunate in that it only took me until the age of 18 to know i wasn't straight and until 22 to figure out *exactly* what kind of person I was attracted to. Not all people ( especially those older than myself - 26) are that lucky. 

It takes a lot of self-exploration and soul searching to question one's identity - it is not as simple as waking up one day and " deciding" you are something or not. I didn't *poof* wake up one day and know I was queer. It did take me a while to learn the words for my feelings and get comfortable with them.


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## fatgirlflyin (Apr 28, 2006)

Miss Vickie said:


> It was long ago, and a mermaid far far away. Sadly, though, some folks have long memories (and big hard drives) so it's not something I bring up a lot.
> 
> I wonder, though, if someone identifies as bi, why NOT marry men? I've always had romantic relationships with men, whereas the few relationships I've had with women were more like "friends with benefits", so I honestly can't see myself hooking up with a woman for the long term. That leaves men, although I've tried to limit myself so as to leave lots for the rest of ya's. (As if they're lining up or something...)



I'm bi, getting ready to get married to a man. I've also had long term relationships with women. I can be with either gender as long as there's physical attraction and a mental connection...


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## Red (Apr 28, 2006)

Tiger's_Lily said:


> *I'm wondering if I can get some answers to this question?
> 
> A little history first!
> 
> ...





I believe it is possible for people to 'turn gay' as you put it. The mind has an amazing capacity for denial. If you don't allow yourself to believe something...it might not be real...that does not mean it is not there, deep down, just waiting to be dealt with. It can take a person years to allow themselves to open up to their own thoughts and desires...let alone contemplating discussing it with the family around them. It can take a significant turn of events to bring these feelings to the surface, when they 'come out' it can be just as much of a shock to themselves as to any body else. Try not to judge, life is odd and situations can change. Everyone deserves to live their life in a way that suits them best, no matter how long it took them to come to that decision.


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## fatgirl33 (Apr 29, 2006)

Red said:


> I believe it is possible for people to 'turn gay' as you put it. The mind has an amazing capacity for denial. If you don't allow yourself to believe something...it might not be real...that does not mean it is not there, deep down, just waiting to be dealt with.



I can vouche for this. I spent basically all of my adolesence TRYING to be straight, being miserable the whole time, but just positive that if I "became" gay that my life would be over...

Of course, I stopped denying who I was (...eventually!), and my life has been lovely ever since. Sure, there are a lot of speedbumps along the way, but they all seem so much smaller in the rear-view mirror.  

Brenda


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## TallFatSue (Apr 30, 2006)

I'm straight and happily married to a wonderful man. But I do admire other fat women. For years I thought I was just "checking out the competition" but now I know that there's just something about feminine obesity in general that fascinates me. After I finally embraced my size as a high school girl, I've always enjoyed seeing how other fat women deal with their sizes. Of course there's always the fact that we fat women are just naturally beautiful. Maybe I'm just vain enough to enjoy my own abundant fat, and I project my own vanity onto other fat women.


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## butch (May 10, 2006)

I wanted to respond to this because it helped me to feel comfortable enough to de-lurk and begin the process of joining the discussion boards. I'm at my breaking point in terms of trying to find people in the real world who want to interact with me as a bisexual and a fat person, and more specifically, a bi fat person who is attracted to other fat people (although the occasional not-fat person squeezes in once and awhile). 

I think thats all I have to say right now, but if the mood strikes, I'm sure there's more to be said about this. I look forward to all the discussions here, bi or otherwise


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 10, 2006)

I understand the need to associate with other queer people. I don't know if you're out or not, but within a year of coming out to the world, I noticed I started attracting the sort of people I wanted to be around. (And then I fell in love with a straight boy. *Shrug.*)


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## butch (May 10, 2006)

Thanks for the response, SadeianLinguist (is it ok to drop the 'The'?). I'm out, but I don't spend a lot of time in exclusively queer places. Even when I have, there haven't been many other fat people in those environments. Plus, I'm no fan of bars, so that cuts out a lot of places to go.

I've spent far too long expecting things to happen organically in regards to relationships, and they haven't. So I'm trying new things, like coming to the boards here, to build up my 'sexy fat body' skills (among other things). Maybe then a bar or queer sports league will be more appealing.

Glad to hear you met the person for you, no matter what his gender/sexuality.


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## sunandshadow (May 10, 2006)

I'll agree with that, you don't see a lot of fat people at gay bars and that sort of thing. The first time I went to one and danced I definitely got the cold shoulder, it was very cliqueish and nobody wanted to dance with me except one gay guy who was very friendly and loved any excuse to dance. And then the stupid DJ yelled at us for being a man and a woman dancing together at a gay bar. I was like, yeah, go tolerance. :doh: 

I think part of the problem might have been that the music was too loud for conversation, which limited making new friends so people pretty much only talked to the people they already knew. (Of course, if someone happened to think you were stunningly attractive they would come up and talk to you anyway. That kind of set-up puts a lot more atttention on bodies and less on personality, which of course discourages people who aren't confident that people will find their bodies attractive.) In the bathroom where it was quieter one woman did compliment the corset shirt I was wearing and ask me where I had gotten it.

So I dunno, that bar was lame but maybe others would be better. I'm not much of a bar person since I'm allergic to cigarette smoke and don't like the taste (or price) of alcohol much. I haven't even gone to one since I moved, maybe I should get my butt in gear and check out what's around here.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 10, 2006)

butch said:


> Thanks for the response, SadeianLinguist (is it ok to drop the 'The'?). I'm out, but I don't spend a lot of time in exclusively queer places. Even when I have, there haven't been many other fat people in those environments. Plus, I'm no fan of bars, so that cuts out a lot of places to go.
> 
> I've spent far too long expecting things to happen organically in regards to relationships, and they haven't. So I'm trying new things, like coming to the boards here, to build up my 'sexy fat body' skills (among other things). Maybe then a bar or queer sports league will be more appealing.
> 
> Glad to hear you met the person for you, no matter what his gender/sexuality.


 
TSL/SL/Casey is fine. I understand not hanging in a lot of exclusively queer places. There ARE friendlier communities than gay and lesbian bars, especially if you live in a bigger city. Take out a small ad in the paper and put up flyers for a LGBTQ bookclub. Stick your neck out a little.  

Also, I don't know if you're a guy or a woman, but if you're a guy, you might check out the gay bear community which is geared towards men who don't fit that Greenwich Village/West Hollywood stereotype of being young, thin, and blonde.


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## butch (May 11, 2006)

sunandshadow and TSL, thanks for the responses. I've always thought it would be cool to be a bear (and go out in my denim and leather to the clubs with my buds), but I'm just a non-lipstick bisexual woman. And the club/bar scene here is heavily male, so while I love my gay male brothers, I'm not sure I'd meet the people I want to meet hanging out with the boys.

With next month being pride month, maybe I'll hit the parade or something else and see what happens. Maybe I'll even hit up the bears for an honorary membership or something Maybe those of us on the board who are queer and/or queer friendly should make plans of our own for pride month? Sphere queer pride, anyone?


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## Jes (May 11, 2006)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> TSL/SL/Casey is fine. I understand not hanging in a lot of exclusively queer places. There ARE friendlier communities than gay and lesbian bars, especially if you live in a bigger city. Take out a small ad in the paper and put up flyers for a LGBTQ bookclub. Stick your neck out a little.
> 
> Also, I don't know if you're a guy or a woman, but if you're a guy, you might check out the gay bear community which is geared towards men who don't fit that Greenwich Village/West Hollywood stereotype of being young, thin, and blonde.


Gay swim team. Gay choir. Gay volunteering ops. That's a whole lotta gayin' it up!


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## Jes (May 11, 2006)

butch said:


> sunandshadow and TSL, thanks for the responses. I've always thought it would be cool to be a bear (and go out in my denim and leather to the clubs with my buds), but I'm just a non-lipstick bisexual woman. And the club/bar scene here is heavily male, so while I love my gay male brothers, I'm not sure I'd meet the people I want to meet hanging out with the boys.
> 
> With next month being pride month, maybe I'll hit the parade or something else and see what happens. Maybe I'll even hit up the bears for an honorary membership or something Maybe those of us on the board who are queer and/or queer friendly should make plans of our own for pride month? Sphere queer pride, anyone?


Too bad there isn't really a named lesbian 'bear' community, because then, if you were a bear, and you ended up with a skinny blond gf, you could call her goldilocks.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (May 11, 2006)

I believe choirs are inherently evil. Sorry.


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## sunandshadow (May 11, 2006)

Jes said:


> Too bad there isn't really a named lesbian 'bear' community, because then, if you were a bear, and you ended up with a skinny blond gf, you could call her goldilocks.



I read a LOTR fanfic where the pairing was Orc/Faramir, and the Orc called Faramir Goldilocks.


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## Allie Cat (May 16, 2006)

sunandshadow said:


> So I dunno, that bar was lame but maybe others would be better. I'm not much of a bar person since I'm allergic to cigarette smoke and don't like the taste (or price) of alcohol much. I haven't even gone to one since I moved, maybe I should get my butt in gear and check out what's around here.



Check out Pegasus downtown. Not entirely my thing because the music makes my head hurt, but you might enjoy it. A lot of my friends do, and it's not unfriendly to straight people either - Carla used to go a lot too, before school ate her brains...

=Divals


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