# Question for all FAs out there who took a while to know they were FAs....



## DreamyInToronto (Jan 27, 2010)

I have a gay friend who is employed as a police officer and he is in his early 40s. He really had a difficult time coming out. Although when you ask him now, he says he truthfully "always knew he was gay", he tried to deny to himself that he was actually gay - this being in his late teens and early 20s. During this "self-hating" time as he coins it, he actually went out and bullied and picked on other gay people. He claims what helped him is that once he started Police training (a) he could no longer bully people and (b) he could no longer lie to himself and hide the truth from others. So, he came out of the closet and now works closely with the anti-hate department of his force and he often is called upon to investigate gay bashing and like crimes.

So my question to all the FAs/FFAs out here - 

1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?

2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?

3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?

4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)

5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?

I am sorry if there are other posts like this but I just find it sad and tragic that my police friend felt the need to bully others for his (at the time) being ashamed of being gay. I know that being an FA/FFA is alot different than being gay but I am wondering if anyone has a story with similar issues as my gay friend's experience.

And I am sorry in advance if I have offended anyone. I am not always that good at articulating my thoughts and hope I have made sense here.

xoxoxoxo

Dreamy


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## JMNYC (Jan 27, 2010)

1. Always knew, not ashamed
2. Never picked on anyone
3. 1996
4. Out to everybody, family and friends haven't made a peep in all this time. 
5. Never hid anyone from family.


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## jenboo (Jan 27, 2010)

great questions Dreamy. I look forward to reading some of the answers


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 27, 2010)

Definitely needs to be moved to the FA forum pronto. lol

1. Before I was 12 I didn't know about it. To me it was just another trait that some people had. I felt nothing from it.

2. After 12, there weren't very many people whom I picked on due to their weight. There's one I remember specifically that I badgered a bit more than others when I was 15, and that did have something to do with shame I will admit. But at the same time it wasn't me being confrontational about the whole thing. I would just retort with it occasionally, because we butted heads a lot when we first met. Recently I apologized (I moved and lost touch for awhile), but we somewhat settled our differences long before then.

3. Age 16. 

4. Nope. I'll always tell the truth when asked. (But plus 1 on what LoveBHMS said below. There's a lot of ways I can show it, but I don't talk about it all the time. But what I said still applies.)

5. No.


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## LoveBHMS (Jan 27, 2010)

1. Yes, No.
2. Not to their face, but have said mean things behind people's back. Wasn't related to shame of being an FFA, just being a bitch. Most people if they're honest have said mean shit behind other people's backs at some time.
3. Nothing really to "come clean" about.
4. Not really, no. I can't say every single person I've ever met would know but that's more a matter of not necessarily discussing my personal life with some people and also a matter of understanding some people might react negatively. In some cases I would not be likely to tell an actual fat guy that I'm an FFA--typically if he's uneasy about his size.
5. No.


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## Cors (Jan 27, 2010)

*
1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?*

I have always preferred to be held by my bigger relatives, and I found their soft, squishy bodies quite fascinating but I didn't realise it is a preference until I am old enough to be sexually attracted to others. I have never been ashamed of the fact that I prefer fat people, but I did experience some FA guilt about whether the person I love is healthy, if having body image issues at that time made me a hypocrite and if I should help them lose weight so that they have an easier time fitting in. 

*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?*

No. I used to get bullied and picked on for being "chubby" so I wouldn't do it to anyone else. 
*
3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?*

I never had to officially come out or anything. I think it is pretty obvious to most people who know me as my exes are generally quite a lot bigger than I am. 
*
4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)*

It is not something I go around broadcasting, and I do date the occasional thin person so I imagine that some people might think that I just don't care about size. 
*
5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?*

No problems with friends but I have never felt comfortable introducing ex-partners to family. My family is both fat-phobic and homophobic, but they are usually too preoccupied with my partner's gender to care about her weight, though they might mention it along with other attributes they hate (eg. crooked nose, bad skin, smoker, not educated enough, not rich enough, not religious enough). They have been particularly vicious to an ex, so I am not eager to repeat the experience. Most of the people I date don't _want_ to meet my family anyway, and I don't insist.


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## disconnectedsmile (Jan 27, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> So my question to all the FAs/FFAs out here -
> 
> 1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?
> 
> ...



*1.* I've always been attracted to fat women, even before I hit puberty. As a child, I wouldnt necessarily say I was ashamed of it, but I was afraid of hearing peoples negative thoughts about it, so I kept it to myself. But in my senior year of high school, I came out to everyone I knew, and Ive never regretted doing so.
*2.* Honestly, I never have. Even as a child, I felt bad when other kids on the playground would mock the fat kids. I knew this wasnt something I wanted to do.
*3.* As I said in question 1, I came out in my senior year of high school.
*4.* Im fully out. I dont hide it from anyone. I mean, no, I dont bring intentionally bring it up in conversation the first time I meet someone, but if it comes up, I wont hide it.
*5.* No. I mean, my only family is my aunt, and she knows I love fat girls. Shes got no feelings one way or the other. And my friends (what few that I do have) all know.


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## MrRabbit (Jan 27, 2010)

*1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?*

Yes, I have always known, and yes, I have been ashamed about it.

*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?*

No, I never did.

*3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?*

When I got access to internet and found out I was not alone with my preference. 
*
4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)*

Depends on how you define "coming out". I don't usually tell people I prefer big women, unless the subject comes up. Therefore some people know, most not. But they have seen my ex, so they can draw their own conclusion if they want.
*
5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?*

No. If someone hides their partner from family or friends because he/she is ashamed, he/she should not have started the relationship in the first place.


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## GTAFA (Jan 27, 2010)

Wow great questions, and beautifully articulated to my eye. Also, i think the gay analogy works really well for me, at least among people who see being gay as innate and beyond choice rather than a mere "lifestyle choice", comparable to whether you wear a necktie. I never chose being an FA, and sometimes i used to feel life would be easier if i weren't; thank goodness that today i am a happy FA who feels fortunate that i am largely immune to the insanities of pop culture (it can't be easy going to highschool nowadays).

*the survey:*
1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?

I have been an FA so long that there wasn't any language for it. I remember a few encounters with big (or ...sigh... huge) women when i was in my adolescence. I was in an all-boys public school, so not only were BBWs a distant ideal, but ALL women too. 

2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?

No.... i was a chubby kid for awhile, then got thinner. I was pretty shy when i went to my first co-ed school, but by then it was the "adult" context of university. I was lucky that the college i went to simply didn't have that sort of behaviour.

3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?

My first wife was a SSBBW. My family liked her. My second wife was a bbw. It's more or less known in the family. When a sister once said something really gross about how one of them looks in a bathing suit, i felt good that no one else in the family sided with her, but instead understood that such talk is hateful. But i think it helps that all of us --all sibs plus my mom-- have at one time or other been overweight, so my thin fit sister didn't realize she was surrounded by people whose sympathies were naturally with the chubbier person.

4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)

It's well known by friends & co-workers, at least where it isn't totally inappropriate to talk about such things. Most people probably don't give a darn, surely (i would be grandiose if i thought anyone really cares about my preferences). 

5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?

No.


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## DreamyInToronto (Jan 28, 2010)

All of the replies have been so great so far and very insightful. Just giving this post a bump!

xoxoxox


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## Durin (Jan 29, 2010)

#1

I always knew clearly that I liked fat women. I don't think I had a firm grasp on what "it" was. I knew that I was odd because all the women that everyone else was talking about I could care less about. 
It definatly made me feel like an outsider. I did not want to share any of this with anybody. 

#2

No People generally picked on me not the other way round.

#3

During my college years. 

#4

I'm married so I am definatly out, that whole public ceremony thing. I just do my thing I don't normally broadcast everything to everybody.

#5

Yes I am sad that I did do this for a while. It probably had more to do with the fact that my parents didn't like the girl than because she was fat. I had a huge crush on her but were were more pals than anything but I did sort of hide this relationship.


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## Weirdo890 (Jan 29, 2010)

1. I never realized I was an Fa until I was about in my early teens.

2. I never picked on anyone because of their weight. I was the one picked on.

3. I only told my dad and my friend I was an FA. Either than that, I really don't talk about my sexual preferences or attitudes with my family and friends. We're not squeamish about sex, but we prefer to keep that kind of thing private.

4. See above

5.No, because I've never had a girlfriend.


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## chicken legs (Jan 29, 2010)

*1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?*

I always knew I was a FFA and no I was never ashamed of it. However, I usually kept my distance from big people (muscular or fat) because of the stereo types of the supersize ... and because of the supersized people I did meet, I noticed they had a habit of tooling those around them. 

*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?*

No I don't recall ever being a bully or picking on people but I used to break up fights and I couldn't stand to see people get bullied or picked on so I ended up beating up bullies and calling bullies out on their bs.

*3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?*

I never been in the closet. The funny thing is my friends are always pointing out fat folks to me and sending me pics whenever they find them.

*4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)*

Once again ..never been in the closet except to those I do find attractive:blush:...well..until I feel comfortable around them.

*5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?*

No, but I come from a family of open FA's. So I didn't have to worry about that in the first place.


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## Lightning Man (Jan 31, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> 1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?


I always was an FA but it was a long time before I realized that I was. It took time reviewing the real life women to whom I was attracted to realize that plumpness was a common denominator.



DreamyInToronto said:


> 2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?


Being a kid who was picked on for various reasons, I made it a point to not pick on people as a rule. I did a little razzing of people in my college days, but not about weight.



DreamyInToronto said:


> 3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?


It all depends on what you mean by come clean. 

It was in the middle of my first long term relationship (with a recovering anorectic no less) that I realized what I liked. So that is when I "came clean" with myself. I also gained the realization that I was trying to make her over because of being an FA (which given her past was the most wrong thing I could have been doing at the time). 

I told her what I realized I was doing and told her that I'd stop trying to change her. We broke up years later for other reasons and I have been fishing in the right waters ever since.

Sometimes a BBW that I am with will need to be reassured that I do like them fat (because many of them don't like themselves that way) and yes, some do find that creepy. I don't think I am a freak because I like what I like and I get upset that they do.

And while I don't go announcing what I like to the world indiscriminately, if someone notices what I like, I do admit to it. To me, it's like being ashamed of liking strawberry ice cream over chocolate. That is to say, there is no point to it. If you have an issue with people liking strawberry ice cream, that's really your problem, isn't it?



DreamyInToronto said:


> 4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)


No. Life's too short to be worried about what other people think, at least in this regard.



DreamyInToronto said:


> 5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?


No. I was hidden by the aforementioned anorectic from her family for other reasons and I know how that feels. I would never hide someone I truly cared about. It was humiliating. I was young and was willing to put up with a lot back then. Now, not so much.


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## The Fez (Jan 31, 2010)

1. Since I was about 11, and yes

2. No

3. When I was 15ish

4. I'm out as far as if anybody asks me about it, I'll say yes. It's not really a big deal.

5. No


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## Gspoon (Jan 31, 2010)

Dreamy, that is a really interesting story about your friend and his sexuality. Too often do I hear about gay bashing. Often times even in our own government where some people dislike homosexuals, that later turn out to be... homosexual. Self hate is a terrible thing and I am happy your friend is comfortable with himself now

Now, to answer the questions

1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?

I didn't always know I was an FA. I used to believe that I wanted to get fat. I was never entirely clear on the subject myself. But as I got older, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I liked fat on women. When it hit me, things began to make a lot more sense to me.

2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?


I was never one to pick on or bully when I was in school, because I was in no way better than anyone... never will be either. I was also picked on cause I was never the cool kid myself, because I was a bit more childish in nature where my friends tried to grow up too fast and had no sense of being polite to anyone. I was also in some special classes because I could not hear until I was 4, so I was always kind of a step back from everyone. So when I was being made fun of, so were the people of plus size that I went to school with.

3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?


I came clean with my FAness when I was pretty much going from freshman into sophomore year of highschool. It was amazing! I loved it. The freedom and how my eyes actually darted around looking at bigger girls. I felt like an actual guy that would watch women walk by and be like "Damn, that is nice!" But as I went into my sophomore year, I met a girl and we dated for a long time. I told my friends I was an FA, as well as my parents. They don't seem to mind... and if they did, I wouldn't care 

4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)


I responded to that one in the previous question. Yes, my friends and family know and they are ok with it 

5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?


Nope, never had a need or desire to hide them. If I am dating a BBW, I will show her off to my friends and family. It is kinda like bringing a super model home to my friends and family, although they may not see it, I do and I love it!


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## MrRabbit (Feb 1, 2010)

*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?*
No one has responded yes to this question, but it does happen. I just remember someone I know from university. He was always joking and making fun about big women, but I think it was a way of trying to hide his preference at all cost because when I met him again a few years later, his girl friend was clearly a BBW.


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## Blockierer (Mar 30, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> So my question to all the FAs/FFAs out here -
> 
> 1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?
> 2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?
> ...


1.) I was about 17 when i discovered the fat admiration thing. I've never been ashamed of it. 
2.) No
3.) I guess it was in my twenties (long time before the internet), when I figured out that many many men exits who love bigger women. I was definite not the only one. With that knowledge I thought loving a fat girl is normal.
4.) I'm married to a SSBBW. She's to big to hide. 
5.) No. Reaction of people concerns not only the aspect of fatness.


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## UWSGuy (Mar 30, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> So my question to all the FAs/FFAs out here -
> 
> 1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?
> 
> ...



1 - yes, no

2 - that's insane

3 - I've never hidden from anyone who I find attractive

4 - i don't hide who I'm attracted to from anyone

5 - um no


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## bigmac (Mar 31, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> So my question to all the FAs/FFAs out here -
> 
> 1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?



I always liked fat girls -- my first crush was the chubby girl in my grade 4 class. I don't know if you'd call it ashamed but I never told anyone I liked big girls until high school -- and then only a few close friends.



DreamyInToronto said:


> 2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?



Since I was usually the fattest kid in the class (or at least the heaviest) I wasn't really in a position to do much bullying -- I was usually on the other end. 



DreamyInToronto said:


> 3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?



As an FA you can come out of the closet a in small steps by telling people: "I like busty girls and its OK if they're a bit chubby" then "chubby girls are alright" then "she's fat but really nice/pretty/fun" then finally "OK, if you hadn't figured it out already, I do like fat chicks."

FYI when I married my wife she weighed 410lbs -- so I think I'm totally out to the closet now. 



DreamyInToronto said:


> 4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)



I came out to my friends much earlier than I did to family or coworkers.



DreamyInToronto said:


> 5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?



Sad to say, yes. I went to high school in a small town in northern Alberta. First, I had a chubby girl friend in Edmonton (an hours drive south) and hung out with thin girls at school. I then got a local fat girl friend but we never went out together -- I would hang out with her at her house and then go out with my friends without her (I was a total jerk). As a young adult I'd be open about 180-250 pound girl friends but kept the 300-600 pound ones hidden.


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## msbard90 (Mar 31, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> So my question to all the FAs/FFAs out here -
> 
> 1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?
> 
> ...



1. I knew from the time I was about 6 that I had a fascination with fat. I had the hugest crush on this girl in my first grade class who was the biggest girl I had ever seen at that point in my life. I had a crush on her simply because I wanted to caress her fat.

2. I never picked on anyone because of their weight- that's awful! I actually made more friends with bigger people because coincidentally, they were the nicest people in school.

3. My close friends, boyfriend, and of course, people on this website, know about my preferences.

4. I keep it from my family, because I have yet to fully accept myself. At this point in my life, I would find their reaction hurtful.

5. I have never had a bbw or bhm partner, but I would definitely love to.


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## NYC_FFA (Mar 31, 2010)

*1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?*
Well, I knew that I was fascinated by men of that size, but it wasn't until high school that I started to realize that my fascination was attraction.

*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?*
No. I would never do that.

*3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?*
Well, I have friends whom I have told outright that I prefer BHMs, but most people have just guessed based on my past relationships and current hubby.

*4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)*
See above.

*5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?*
Well, I have never hid a BHM boyfriend, but my first true BHM boyfriend (not just a little chubby but big), he was initially more hesitant to be affectionate towards me in public. I didn't find out until later that he was confused as to why I was attracted in him and that's why he was hesitant to hold hands, kiss, etc.


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## rollhandler (Apr 1, 2010)

*1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?*
Until I learned there was a term for my preference it was just that, a preference that I never gave a thought to but acted on regularly from as far back as I can remember.

*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?
*Back when girls were icky (2nd grade or so) the chubby girls were the ones I gave attention to by means of picking on or teasing them, chasing them, or trying to gross them out but never did picking on them or teasing them enter into the context of size. So, No and No to this question.

*3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?*
My preference was never hidden although it was also not branded until I found dimensions and other size friendly sites and found out there was a term to use regarding "guys that like fat girls". There was no need to come out or come clean regarding it since I have always lived openly through my preference, dating within it, and never denying it when questioned regarding it.

*4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)*
I am out in a flaming flag waving manner, although I don't feel the need to make it an unsolicited topic of discussion, I do have fat girls as tattoos, fat girl emblazoned shirts and other fat positive things that are worn openly and displayed and I answer questions regarding my preference when asked but let anyone too shy to ask figure it out on their own. I do not hide my preference from anybody.

*5a. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or b.) were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?*
a.) I have never hidden a girlfriend from friends and family, that would be disrespectful to her and would imply a sense of shame toward her as a person and a woman. b.) It would be ambiguous to act both proud and ashamed of a chosen partner/mate as well as hypocritical. (see also previous answer to this question)
I see it this way: Any woman who chooses to date and be a partner to me is a privilege to be with, not a right or guilty pleasure to be hidden and enjoyed in private regardless of size, race, or ethnicity.

Rollhandler


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## Venom (Apr 1, 2010)

I'v always knew I was a FFA but when I was younger I didn't really understand the feelings I always had for big guys. I have never been ashamed of what I am but I use to get nervous when I would try to explain it to a bhm.

No I wouldn't pick on people for that.

I never really came clean, most of my friends had figured it out, not something that was hard to do. The few people that didn't understand or asked me about it I would explain it to them.

I'm not really "out" to my family but its only because if I say anything about who I prefer to date they don't want to hear about it and choose to ignore what I say. When I bring a bhm home with me they pretend not to notice, when I bring home a girl they pretend we are just friends, they choose to live in denial and I let them. Everyone else knows that I'm a FFA.

No I have never hid someone that I am dating, I usually show them off!


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## Orso (Apr 2, 2010)

*1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?*
I knew it since my puberty and I was never ashamed

*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?*
Never

*3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?*
I basically did it from the beginning. All my friends knew and know, all my relatives my age or younger kow

*4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?).* 
I never told my parents (in my young days you didn't tell your parents of your sexual life) but I'm pretty sure they understood. They saw some of my BBW girlfriends


*5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?*
Never, see the question above


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## KHayes666 (Apr 2, 2010)

_1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?_

No, I didn't always know. The signs were there when I was little when I had a fat friend in third grade (who even today has an ass you can't forget) and I always loved Audrey's dream from the movie European Vacation. I was a little ashamed when I found out but once you start getting laid, who the hell is ashamed of THAT?

_2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?_

I never bullied anyone because I can't stand bullying. If it isn't a fair fight then whoever's on the advantage should be ashamed of themselves. However my dad used to call fat people "Fat disgusting pigs" and the language rubbed off on me a bit. Like if a girl I didnt' like happened to be fat, that's what I would call her. Even when I found out I was an F/A I STILL call guys I can't stand "fat ass" or "fat fuck". To me its about respect, if I respect you then I restrain name calling. If I don't respect you then I go for the jugular. I no longer insult women based on their size out of respect, but to hell with men honestly. Guys insult other guys for anything, its part of being male.

_3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?_

I pretty much was in the closet for about a month and a half before I started asking big girls out. After that everyone knew, and I didn't hide it either.
_
4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)_

Nope, I never hide it. I once rode down the biggest waterslide in Water Country while screaming "I LOVE FAT GIRLLSSSSSSSSSS" as loud as I could.

_5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?_

Yes and no. I used to hide girls of all sizes from my house because at first I was uncomfortable with my parents giving them the third degree, but then one night when I was 19 my dad came home piss drunk and almost literally kicked my g/f out for absolutely no reason. After that I hardly ever brought girls home. So yes, I hid a bbw I was dating once but it wasn't because she was a bbw.


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## tonyksyb (Apr 17, 2010)

I was never interested in BBW women all through college and when I was younger. I was only interested in really petite women. I was not even hiding it. I had a ssbbw that was very interested in me and would not take no for an answer. I slept with her once and that was it. At the time I did not know this. But eventually I realized the only women I was attracted to were bbw's.


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## t3h_n00b (Apr 20, 2010)

*
1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?*
I found out I liked fat women haphazardly on the Internet when I was like 12 or 13. I, like may pubescent boys, turned to internet porn in my curiosity about sex and womens bodies (I just wanted to see boobs, hehe). It was there that I first saw an erotic picture of a fat woman. I was shocked because one, I had no idea that people even thought fat women were sexy let alone took sexy pictures of them and two, that I liked it too. Amazingly, even at 13 I was sensitive enough to media depictions of guys that liked fat women being ugly degenerates to be afraid of being like that. I just thought maybe I would grow out of it or that it would go away once I got over my depression issues. When that didn't happen, I had to try honesty and self-acceptance. It worked well I think. I am with a wonderful woman and in truly happy with that part of myself.


*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?*

there were these two girls I knew in high school. I liked both of them, but I had no perspective on my attraction to fat women besides the fear that it meant I had some sort of self-esteem issue or psycholological
problem. So I told one of them that I wouldn't be with her unless she lost weight and despite losing my virginity to the other, I told her I didn't want her as a gf unless she lost weight. What I was really doing was trying to avoid honesty with myself. I apologized to both of them and informed them of my preference and my warped thinking at the time once I was "out", but I know that I hurt them and I will always feel badly about that.

*
3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?*

I came out to my mom once my gf and I (my first bbw) became official 3 years ago. My mom thought it meant that I had a self-esteem issue and that I don't know how attractive I am (her words not mine).
*
4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)*

Nope, almost everybody knows. My BBW gf and I have been together for 3 years so it's kind of old news now.

*
5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?*

I have never hidden a person from anyone, but I did hide my preference for many years. I didn't act on it until I was ready to be open about it out of respect for my partner's feelings. I've had the most problems from women of my ethnic group that I don't know (my partner and I are of different races, and there is a vocal segment of women from my background who resent interracial dating, especially when the woman is plus sized).


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## Scorsese86 (Apr 20, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> 1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?
> 
> 2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?
> 
> ...



1. No. I didn't know what a FA was. Lol, but seriously... when I was younger, and had sexual fantasies, I found it odd that I always thought about the biggest girls. I didn't think about it as shameful, just odd. Why did I like only chubby/bigger girls, when "the norm" was to like slimmer girls.

2. No. I was bullied myself in school. I was a nerd. And I am still.

3. Erm... I don't know. One thing I remember was at high school. I told a friend I had a crush on a girl, and he asked "so, you like chubby girls?". I said yes.

4. Whenever a friend ask what I do like about the opposite sex, I always say I prefer a girl who is "overweight", (I hate that word, but people understand it). When it comes to family... see next.

5. I haven't dated that many girls, and basically only had one "real" girlfriend. I have been on dates, and some of them, my family have seen. The fact that most... no, all, of the girls I've dated are plus size... they figure it out, I guess. I've never hidden it. My mom even once said she was working with a girl my age, who was "rather chubby" (her words), and that I would absolutely adore her... she wasn't single, but if she was, she would match us, because she knew I liked girls that size.


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## JoeR (Apr 20, 2010)

1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?

Yes, and earlier in my life. Anymore, I embrace it. rock'n'roll.

2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?

I have picked on/bullied someone about their weight both while secretly being an FA and while not secretly being an FA. It didn't really have anything to do with their weight, it had to do with said persons being retarded or annoying, and then that just sort of exaserbated the issue.

3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?

Two girlfriends ago. When I brought home a 300 lbs. chick and people realized they realized I liked fat chicks and pretty much put that together. Not much coming out necessary. My rationale being while most chicks have two boobs, this chick felt like she had about seven boobs, which was very nice.

4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)

Anybody who has seen any of my most recent girlfriends would know, and otherwise I'm not really advertising anything in that regard. When my girlfriend and I split briefly, one my friends made a comment about her needing make friends with Jenny Craig. That kind of aroused me. lol

5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?

Yeah, but not because they were heavy, but because they were butt ass ugly. Some people take decent enough pictures on MySpace, and then you meet them and they are 6'05" and look like they got hit with a shovel... then later into the day claim to be in love with you. Creepy, disturbing, disgusting... yes, I made sure nobody had to meet that bitch.


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## Nutty (Apr 20, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> So my question to all the FAs/FFAs out here -
> 
> 1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?
> 
> ...



1. I am an FA, but I don't plan on making it public until im out of college.

2. I never harassed anyone because of their weight, I was friends with everyone in my high-school class. I was actually one of the popular kids in high-school and now in college.

3. I have not told anyone I am a fa.

4. No one knows.

5. I have not experienced that.


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## MisticalMisty (Apr 20, 2010)

You're waiting because?????


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## Nutty (Apr 20, 2010)

MisticalMisty said:


> You're waiting because?????



I don't think im ready for the reaction of my family or my friends. That would overwhelm me, so I'll wait till im out of college. By then I'll be ready.


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## Scorsese86 (Apr 21, 2010)

Nutty said:


> I don't think im ready for the reaction of my family or my friends. That would overwhelm me, so I'll wait till im out of college. By then I'll be ready.



I am sorry to ask, and I really don't want to offend you or anything... but what is the big deal?


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## MisticalMisty (Apr 21, 2010)

ugh..never mind


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## disconnectedsmile (Apr 21, 2010)

Nutty said:


> I don't think im ready for the reaction of my family or my friends. That would overwhelm me, so I'll wait till im out of college. By then I'll be ready.



i ask this with all honesty, because i am genuinely curious:
why is this so hard to fess up to? 
in the grand pantheon of things you could admit to your family, being a fatty lover isn't a big deal at all.


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## LovelyLiz (Apr 21, 2010)

Nutty said:


> I don't think im ready for the reaction of my family or my friends. That would overwhelm me, so I'll wait till im out of college. By then I'll be ready.



So in the meantime, are you doing any dating? just thin girls?


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## CastingPearls (Apr 21, 2010)

Nutty said:


> I don't think im ready for the reaction of my family or my friends. That would overwhelm me, so I'll wait till im out of college. By then I'll be ready.


Nutman, you mentioned 'overwhelming'. Is it because your family (or a particular member) is very overbearing or judgemental?
My impression of you thus far is that you're a sensitive, compassionate and possibly shy (although as you mentioned, popular) person....could this also contribute to a concern for being overwhelmed?
Have you dated much at all? (Nothing wrong with it if you haven't)


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## exile in thighville (Apr 21, 2010)

Nutty said:


> I don't think im ready for the reaction of my family or my friends. That would overwhelm me, so I'll wait till im out of college. By then I'll be ready.



i don't see what would be less overwhelming about their reactions after you finish college, and i also don't see why you shouldn't be able to hook up with the girls you find attractive during the funnest years of your life. high school is one thing but in college you're all adults.


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## Nutty (Apr 21, 2010)

I dunno I have only dated skinny girls, but I think you guys are right. I think I should nut up and ask a girl I have a crush on and show her to my parents. Im sick of being superficial. I'll do it tomorrow.


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## CastingPearls (Apr 21, 2010)

Nutty said:


> I dunno I have only dated skinny girls, but I think you guys are right. I think I should nut up and ask a girl I have a crush on and show her to my parents. Im sick of being superficial. I'll do it tomorrow.


Im so proud of you, Nutman (snif snif)


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## Nutty (Apr 21, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Im so proud of you, Nutman (snif snif)



Thanks, I hope everything will go fine.


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## UMBROBOYUM (Apr 21, 2010)

always liked fat girls.

realized when I was a teen.

Here I am Now.


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## Jon Blaze (Apr 21, 2010)

Can I applaud all of you guys for not railing on Nutty? Thanksssss. 

Nutty: Report back with the results. If they are not good: We will support you. If they are: We will celebrate with PUNCH AND PIE!


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## Nutty (Apr 22, 2010)

Jon Blaze said:


> Can applaud all of you guys for not railing on Nutty? Thanksssss.
> 
> Nutty: Report back with the results. If they are not good: We will support you. If they are: We will celebrate with PUNCH AND PIE!



Thanks Jon, I hope it goes well *Crosses Fingers*


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## Nutty (Apr 22, 2010)

Well I dumped my girlfriend and told my friends I'm a FA. I was completely surprised how my frends reacted, they didnt shun me or anything, they just said they were surprised. I regret not doing this earlier cause i thought it would be a horrendous experience when in fact it is the most relaxing thing I have ever done. The stress just went away revealing this to my good friends. (I still gotta deal with my ex, but it was worth it).


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## disconnectedsmile (Apr 22, 2010)

Nutty said:


> Well I dumped my girlfriend and told my friends I'm a FA. I was completely surprised how my frends reacted, they didnt shun me or anything, they just said they were surprised. I regret not doing this earlier cause i thought it would be a horrendous experience when in fact it is the most relaxing thing I have ever done. The stress just went away revealing this to my good friends. (I still gotta deal with my ex, but it was worth it).



told you it wouldn't be that bad. good on you, mate.
have you told your family yet?


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## Nutty (Apr 22, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> told you it wouldn't be that bad. good on you, mate.
> have you told your family yet?



I was going to call them at six. I feel great, but tired from classes . But I will call them tonight.


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## Jon Blaze (Apr 22, 2010)

That is all. lol


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## CastingPearls (Apr 22, 2010)

Jon Blaze said:


> That is all. lol


Someone rep John Blaze for punch and pie, please.
(could it be spiked punch???) <wistful, hopeful, plaintive>


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## Nutty (Apr 22, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> Someone rep John Blaze for punch and pie, please.
> (could it be spiked punch???) <wistful, hopeful, plaintive>



Don't worry I did . Darn i cant rep you for 24 hours pearl


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## mediaboy (Apr 23, 2010)

1. Since about age 17. I always knew I was "weird" but 17 was when I put it all together & was all like, "Hell yeah, this is awesome!" 

2. No. Infact it was the opposite. I usually go out of my way to tell a fat girl she looks pretty. This can be as simple as "Wow, I really like your shoes" to "Damn girl, you real thick; lets spoon". 

3. I seem to recall telling my closest circle of friends something along the lines of, "I like fatties." right after I met my first serious girl friend. Most of them are indifferent & all of them are entertained. I've been sighted by a few of their girl friends as examples to their fat friends that genuinely nice & relatively attractive young men do enjoy rubinequse ladies. This always makes me smile. It feels good to know you can give some one out there a little self esteem & dare I say hope.

4. Out? Flaming is more like it lol.

5. No & not because this situation never presented itself. No because I am not insane.


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## Blockierer (Apr 25, 2010)

Nutty said:


> Well I dumped my girlfriend and told my friends I'm a FA. I was completely surprised how my frends reacted, they didnt shun me or anything, they just said they were surprised. I regret not doing this earlier cause i thought it would be a horrendous experience when in fact it is the most relaxing thing I have ever done. The stress just went away revealing this to my good friends. (I still gotta deal with my ex, but it was worth it).


Great 
Welcome in the club of the uncloseted FAs.


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## J_Underscore (Apr 25, 2010)

1. When I stated secondary school (middle school), the whole year was put into different classes. Someone I knew was friends with someone from another class, and as soon as I saw her friend who was a big girl I felt a stiring downstairs lol and knew instantly that I liked big girls. Not ashamed of myself for liking big girls, but think I'm kinda ashamed to let my family know (then again my mum is absolutely terrible, the amount of times I've heard "look at that woman, shes enooooormous" :doh

2. Never bullied any Big Girl, gave them secret valentines cards  haha

3. Came clean to some good friends, and they understand, and they actually helped me go throught a time I was fed up cause no big girls about. Its hard to hear, but they said I need to lower my standards, which I have.

4. (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?) Yep, as I mentioned in ques 1 and might be something to do with how my parents walked in when I was looking at some big girl pics when I was 16 lol and I had to tell them I was looking at a joke site (One of the rare few times I've lied)
I'm now 22, I'm pretty sure someone found a flyer for a bbw organisation I left lying around, and
5. they know a couple of girls I've liked have been big girls, so I think they might've figured it out.


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## exile in thighville (Apr 28, 2010)

Nutty said:


> Well I dumped my girlfriend and told my friends I'm a FA. I was completely surprised how my frends reacted, they didnt shun me or anything, they just said they were surprised. I regret not doing this earlier cause i thought it would be a horrendous experience when in fact it is the most relaxing thing I have ever done. The stress just went away revealing this to my good friends. (I still gotta deal with my ex, but it was worth it).



i mean, were you _entirely_ with your girlfriend for superficial reasons? good job and good luck with coming out but that part was jarring to say the least.


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## UMBROBOYUM (Apr 28, 2010)

good for you nutty, glad your on the way to what you want.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Apr 28, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> I have a gay friend who is employed as a police officer and he is in his early 40s. He really had a difficult time coming out. Although when you ask him now, he says he truthfully "always knew he was gay", he tried to deny to himself that he was actually gay - this being in his late teens and early 20s. During this "self-hating" time as he coins it, he actually went out and bullied and picked on other gay people. He claims what helped him is that once he started Police training (a) he could no longer bully people and (b) he could no longer lie to himself and hide the truth from others. So, he came out of the closet and now works closely with the anti-hate department of his force and he often is called upon to investigate gay bashing and like crimes.
> 
> So my question to all the FAs/FFAs out here -
> 
> ...






1. I have always found some large women attractive, but I was not a declared FA until I was 25. If I had not interacted with the size acceptance movement, I would not have known what a BBW or an FA was.

2. I never picked on anyone because of weight. It was not in my nature to pick on people, as I was often the kid who got picked on because I was a nerd or because people thought I was gay.

3. I didn't realize I was an FA until I was 24. That was the first time I slept with a woman, but we just fooled around.

4. I see no need to hide my preferences. Most people who know me know I like large women. I just don't go out of my way to volunteer unless asked or unless people start picking on fat women and I want them to stop.

5. I have not had any serious girlfriends, but none of the women I have gone out with have met my family. That is because the relationship did not get deep enough for that to happen. I have not dated a lot of women.


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## UnknownSpirit01 (Jun 28, 2010)

1. I can't recall exactly what got me into an FA. There was a number of influences at the time, I was in 7th-8th grade then and I found some BBW fanart on DA and that's when I realized when I was truly attracted to larger women. It was the same case in RL, I found myself finding fat girls more attractive then any other girl in school. I thought it was weird, but then I joined DA to find out about more of these artists making BBW artwork then stumbled upon an entire FA community and met people with the same interest. From there on, I accepted that I was an FA and went by the name of 'ghostunknown' since. I then had an weird idea that kept floating in my head so I made a story to get it out of my head and that's how I got into writing WG prose.

2. Na, I'm not out as an FA.

3. Nope, keeping this whole FA thing private for now in RL.

4. Not in RL.

5. You know, I always wanted to do something like that. To have a secret FA/BBW friend to hang and talk with was once a little fantasy of mine hehe XP. But I never got to doing anything like that though. Finding out who's really an FA or BBW in RL is quite tricky, but I always wanted a private BBW friend! Oh well, maybe in college I'll find someone hehe!


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## EtobicokeFA (Jun 29, 2010)

1. No there was a time when it was not clear that I was an FA, but yes I was ashamed of it at first. 

2. Yes. I was bullied about being a FA once it became apparent. 

3. With my immediate family I have come clean with being a FA. 

4. Yes, there are family member that I still hid it from. 

5. And, yes I have hid a girlfriend before I was came clean with my family.


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## imfree (Jun 29, 2010)

1) Looking back, I know that I've been an FA since
at least age 11. I wrote The Visitor 
[/U][/U]about a daydream/vision I had at age 12.

2) I never picked on or bullied people over their
weight.

3) I "came clean" in my early 20's when I could
not deny that I found heavy women most
sexually attractive.

4) I do not hide being an FA from anyone.

5) I have never hid any BBW girlfriend from my
family, friends, or even church.


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## icmasticc (Jul 1, 2010)

1. I never knew the term "FA" until recently so I didn't know anything about it. 

2. To be completely honest, I picked on plenty of big girls about their weight but not because I was ashamed. I didn't always like big girls but I didn't go out of my way to make fun of them. They used to always start with me. There was one who swore up and down she was gonna beat my ass because her friend was my GF for a while and she was jealous. There was another who got her friends together and tried to force me to have sex with her but I got away in the end. . 

3. I don't consider myself an FA and there is a simple reason for that. FA, or "Fat Admirer" implies that I admire or fantasize only about girls of a larger size. I say I'm not one because I don't only prefer or look at bigger women. I still like smaller women who be considered "Thick" or "Skinny" by people here. I always tell people that I just like women in general. I've never had a specific type, I always go by the individual. If I like the individual at the time of first meeting or whenever, I may pursue them or I may not. What happened was at a certain time in my life, I decided to stop discriminating against big girls just because they were big and gave a couple a chance. I've always been a butt man so they bigger butts of larger women already appealed to me and I slowly found other things I liked about them particularly but not enough to make me renounce all other sized women. The only size women I don't like is skeleton skinny women. Really though, I like women in general and BBW/SSBBW just a little more than the others. 

In that same breath though, it's funny to me because I like SSBBW a little more than BBW in the sense that I get more excited when I see an extremely large girl with nice curves and face rather than a BBW who is just a little on the larger side. 

4. I didn't know liking big girls was the same as being gay or lesbian but anway.......yes, my family and friends do know I like big girls alongside other girls. The only part of my family who even cares are my teenage cousins and it's only because they've seen the girls I've been with in the past and can't believe I would start dating big girls. None of my friends care either, we still talk about the same things and life goes on. Another reason I don't consider myself an FA because people almost make it seem like a lifestyle choice. It's not that big of a deal to me that I like big girls, life is still the same lol. 

5. Nope never hid them for any reason. The first big girl I was with when I decided to start dating them came to my mama's house on several occasions when I was still living with my mom. She spent the night the first time she came to house and it was on the 4th of July lol. But on topic, I haven't hid any other big girls either because I see no reason. I've always been the "I don't give a f****" type of person and I always say, Society can kiss my ass, I do what I want with whomever I want.

Sorry my answers are long too, I can't help it lol.


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## mango (Aug 17, 2010)

DreamyInToronto said:


> So my question to all the FAs/FFAs out here -
> 
> 1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?
> 
> ...



*Came across this thread.. thought I should contribute my answers...

1) I would have to say it was a slow path to realising what I truly desired. Probably not until well into my 20's did I identify as an FA (or even know what an FA was). You have to know a world exists before you can be a part of it. I was never ashamed.. but was a little guarded at first.

2) Never did any projection like that.

3) I guess I 'came clean' when I realised what an FA was and how it matched my desires. I slowly started telling more and more people. It was interesting seeing different people's reactions.

4) Pretty much out everywhere.

5) I've never hid anyone but I can understand wanting to shelter a partner from what might be a hostile reception or unpredictable response from an unforgiving parental figure and not knowing exactly what might happen. It can be a tough thing on all people involved. Older parents of a different generation and rigid fixed thinking might never understand. The same can apply to a friend with little empathy or no understanding too.


*


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## Fox (Aug 21, 2010)

When I was a little boy, I was also fascinated with fat men. It later became fat women. I realized that it was different when I was about a week or so away from 15. At that point, I only accepted that I liked big women. I accepted the fact that I like men much later. It hasn't even been a year since I did that.


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## The Orange Mage (Aug 21, 2010)

*1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?*

Always known. Not really ever ashamed, but I've resented it at times for limiting my dating pool, the friction it causes with a partner who is fat but would prefer you love her and her body like a non-FA. Never really felt bad about the "bad" FAs who apparently give the rest a bad name because I can only be responsible for myself and if anyone writes me off as a bad just because I'm an FA then it's their loss, I guess.

*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?*

No. I don't even see why anyone would. Why would you do that to cute chubby people?

*3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?*

I come clean if someone asks in a manner that doesn't sound like a prelude to harassment. I always come clean before getting anywhere near a relationship. My parents may or may not know, and if they want to know I'll tell them but I think they tend to respect my boundaries quite well.

*4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)*

I don't hide anything, but I don't sit on my porch on Halloween and tell everyone who comes by while I had out candy. (I've wanted to make a statement on how creepy the thing this is referencing is. Claim "they edited the footage of Mark to make him look creepy!" all you want, I don't care.)

*5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?

*No. Never. Have or will.


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## blubberismanly (Aug 21, 2010)

1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA
Pretty much, yeah.

and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?
For most of my life and sometimes still now, yes.

2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?
NO and no

3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA?
Online not too long ago.

Or have you?
Not in real life, no

4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)
No

5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?
No, never been lucky enough to have a chubby boyfriend.


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## Fat Molly (Aug 26, 2010)

*1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?*

I never really knew until last year. My crushes and respective boyfriends from 7th grade onwards always had a good amount of gut on them, though many slimmed down when high school came around. (I really got over those ones fast. It's peculiar, and telling, in retrospect.) 

Notably, I had a crush on a diabetic kid who had trimmed down (mostly) before I met him, and I was really curious to see pictures of when he was little...and very fat... 

Despite my long-term trends and forceful mantra I played in my head to 'find a thin guy so that my kids will inherit slimmer genes and won't have to put up with being overweight like me', my preference was still pronounced. I've never dated or been really deeply attracted long-term to a bony guy. There were a few crushes here and there who were stick-thin, but, then again, I don't know how much of that was me telling myself 'he's perfect for me...he's X, he's Y, and he's THIN!' 

In any case, I didn't have a name for my preference...nor did I even really acknowledge a true preference, for I hid it even from myself...until I ran across this site just this past year. 

*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?*

Not while being specifically an FFA. Before I had any sexual preferences at all, YES. I remember hating people simply because they were chubby from a very early age. I daresay it is because my mother would criticize my peers, and I would regenerate her criticism, in a childish way. I suppose her critique was not always because of their fatness, but that was always the part of her argument that latched onto my conscious apperception of the situation. 

I see the reason for this, in retrospect, was because of my own fascination with fat.

So I maintained an extreme level of loathing towards them as well that I still feel the pangs of today. When I think of X girl, or Y girl, or Z girl, I remember immediately how 'fat' they were and how I'd eschew them...even going so far as to tell them that I eschewed them _because_ of their fatness. 

I deeply lament any harm that I might have done to the (at least) four poor girls that received the brunt of my cruelty. And yes, I WAS cruel. Youth is evil, no?

Over the years, especially when I had eating disorders (bulemia notably), I still held it against people sometimes, but inevitably I still definitely NOTICED fat people. 

*3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?*

The only person to whom I have admitted the deep roots of my fascination with fat is my darling ex-boyfriend, who is still a dear friend. I think I do have a problem with that...because he rather misinterprets it...but I'll introduce that on another thread.

I think I did mention once to my mum something about fattening up my ex, but I wouldn't presume that she took that in a sexual way. It's actually rather terrible...even the visualisation of domestically-accumulated flab excites me. It's...hm...should dedicate yet another thread to this.

*4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)
*

Absolutely. I'm actually trying to quell my own fascination's preeminence in how I look at the world, because I really am a chaste person and am seriously religious. So I won't talk about it with anyone save, perhaps, that boyfriend in the future whom I will dedicate my life to in marriage.
*

5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?
*
Nah. Never been in the position to do so. I think some members of my family have noticed that I prefer bigger boys, but probably do not attribute any fantastic significance to it.

Since I am a very prudish person in general, I doubt they would ever think of it.


All in all, very interesting survey, thanks for the questions. Very thoughtful, and thought-provoking.


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## ffaboots (Sep 13, 2010)

I thought this thread was so interesting, I wanted to answer the survey too...
*
1. Did you always know clearly that you were an FA/FFA and if so, were you ever ashamed of it?*

Not always--it was kind of a gradual period of realization during my last few years of college and first few years after college. I'm not ashamed of it but I feel like people are sometimes weirded out by it so I don't volunteer the information unless I feel really comfortable.

*2. Did you ever bully or pick on anyone about their weight while secretly being an FA/FFA - and you did this because you were ashamed?*

I think I may have done this to other girls in those terribly insecure junior high/high school years. Never to anyone's face, just stupid comments behind their backs to reassure myself "at least I'm not as fat as her," which I find ridiculous and sad now.
*
3. When did you "come clean" about being a FA/FFA? Or have you?*

LOL, if you mean in the sense that I sat my friends and family down and told them my preferences, no, that never happened. I just started dating fat guys and nobody really seemed to care cause the guys were always great guys and very nice to me.
*
4. Are you "out" to some people but not others? (i.e. all your friends know but you hide it from your family?)*

I'm out to a few friends in the sense that they know that I like fat guys very, very much and they think it's sweet. I'm sure anyone else could figure out my preferences, I've just never bothered to spell them out.

*5. Have you ever hid a BBW/BHM friend or girlfriend from your friends or family either because you were ashamed of your preference or were you proud of them but you hid them because of the way you thought your family would react?*

At one point in my life when I was terribly insecure (going to a school I didn't think I was smart/talented enough to be in), and was newly dating a very big guy, I did feel a little weird about fellow students seeing him pick me up at school. I feel stupid saying that now--I'm sure none of them cared, and I wound up marrying the guy.


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