# Size vs. Femininity (for the ladies)



## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 16, 2007)

Ok here's one to get the brain cells working.... 

How does your size affect your feelings of femininity? 

Speaking from personal experience, I tend to equate thinness with femininity. I also equate the color pink with femininity. I'm not thin, so I tend to wear a lot of pink, to sort of "trick" my brain into feeling feminine. I know all the FAs are going to say that it doesn't matter what size we are, that we are beautiful and feminine regardless. Believe me, I appreciate that more than you realize, and I do believe you feel that way, which is fantastic. But, there is still a major league part of my brain that just doesn't agree. Don't get me wrong...I accept my size and I'm generally happy with myself. Are there parts of myself that I wish were different? Sure, isn't it that way for most people? Maybe not everyone, but a lot.

I also think that feeling feminine is affected by the circumstances. If I'm wearing something that makes me feel good, or I think I look good in it (pink or no) I will feel feminine and attractive. If I'm with someone, preferably a FA, and they're showering me with attention and wonderful compliments, then I'm going to feel feminine and attrative. 

But there are days......

Some days, it doesn't matter what I look like, how I feel, or who's complimenting me.... I'm feeling fat and hating every moment of it. I could be dressed in the most fabulous outfit and genuinely looking good, but in my bizarre brain, I'm feeling fat and thinking I look horrible. 

It's all a mental thing I think. It's all in how we perceive ourselves and how we allow ourselves to view ourselves...mentally and phsically. 

Always a challenge.


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## kathynoon (Feb 16, 2007)

I know exactly what you mean. On days when I feel good about myself and body, I feel feminine. On days when I am self-conscious or feeling like the biggest freak out there, I feel like I am totally unfeminine. Worrying about how the others around me are looking at me, and what they are thinking about me, can kill my feelings that I am worthy of being looked at as a beautiful feminine woman.

I do have some clothes that tend to make me feel more feminine. And I have some which make me feel the opposite. I try to wear the feminine clothes more, especially on days I know I will be challenged to feel good about myself.


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## Punkin1024 (Feb 16, 2007)

I guess I've always felt feminine. My curves have always made me feel feminine. I love being a girl. Sure, I wear slacks - a lot, because they are more comfortable for me in my work environment and in the winter, I go for warmth and comfort. Being fat has never made me feel unfeminine. 

~Punkin


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## kerrypop (Feb 16, 2007)

I agree completely. In fact, I drew this diagram (poorly) to show kind of how I see it in my head:







In my mind, sleek lines have always been feminine, and my bumps and rolls have always kind of gotten in the way. I've never had the 'thin' frame, but I've dreamed about it sometimes. As I said in another thread, I wouldn't trade anything to be thin, but sometimes I don't feel very feminine. I think it's one of those trade offs that we all deal with.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 16, 2007)

kathynoon said:


> I know exactly what you mean. On days when I feel good about myself and body, I feel feminine. On days when I am self-conscious or feeling like the biggest freak out there, I feel like I am totally unfeminine. Worrying about how the others around me are looking at me, and what they are thinking about me, can kill my feelings that I am worthy of being looked at as a beautiful feminine woman.
> 
> I do have some clothes that tend to make me feel more feminine. And I have some which make me feel the opposite. I try to wear the feminine clothes more, especially on days I know I will be challenged to feel good about myself.




I just had a conversation with someone the other day about high school and how I didn't join things because I felt so fat and huge and was so afraid of what everyone would think of me. I weighed 160 lbs.!!! I would KILL to weigh that today. 

I think we all go thru it.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 16, 2007)

Punkin1024 said:


> I guess I've always felt feminine. My curves have always made me feel feminine. I love being a girl. Sure, I wear slacks - a lot, because they are more comfortable for me in my work environment and in the winter, I go for warmth and comfort. Being fat has never made me feel unfeminine.
> 
> ~Punkin




I agree with you that the curves make us feel feminine. Believe me, I LOVE being a girl... I would not want to me male. Absolutely not. But despite the curves, I still struggle with feeling "pretty".


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 16, 2007)

kerrypop said:


> I agree completely. In fact, I drew this diagram (poorly) to show kind of how I see it in my head:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



LOVE the drawing.... and it describes how I feel exactly!! I will NEVER be "thin", I'm just not built like that. I'd be happy just to feel like a girl....and feel pretty and feminine...ALL THE TIME. LOL


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## kerrypop (Feb 16, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> I agree with you that the curves make us feel feminine. Believe me, I LOVE being a girl... I would not want to me male. Absolutely not. But despite the curves, I still struggle with feeling "pretty".



Hahaha I would totally be a man for one day. TOTALLY.


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## crazygrad (Feb 16, 2007)

I think the question of how size impacts how you feel about your feminity is one that a lot of women struggle with.

At my peak adult weight (about 312) I wore a lot of skirts because they were often more comfortable and easier to get a good fit than pants. But also because I fely so blocky and stocky as a fat woman. My breasts seemed to blur into my belly which blurred into my hips and thighs- like there was no distinction between them.

But one of my good friends is a very very thin woman. Her metabolism is always on overdrive and she burns everything she eats without a moment of exercise. I noticed she wore a lot of skirts as well and she explained it was because she was straight up and down- no boobs, no hips- and people always thought she was either very young (since she didn't have curves), male, lesbian, asexual or any number of other things because she has such a thin,linear body.So skirts helped her feel more womanly too.

Society's definition of feminity is so narrow that many women just don't feel feminine using this yardstick. Its based on the idea of what men find attractive and has so much to do with ideas of sexual availability and the deference of the female to the male body in terms of size and strength. Women are supposed to be smaller and weaker than man, in this framework. Women are supposed to be sexually appealing to please their men- and to likewise be available to fulfill that promise of sexuality when requested by their men. As a result, any women whose size, strength or attitude falls outside of this "heterosexy" ideal is deemed as less desirable and less feminine by others, who then project this back to the women who internalize it.


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## rainyday (Feb 16, 2007)

It was odd to read your post because it made me realize something: I used to feel exactly the way you describe and I don't anymore, and I'm not sure when the change occurred. I hadn't even noticed it until now.

I think so much of what changed for me has to do with having been exposed here at Dim to pictures and posts that support the idea of female fat being feminine. Being with FAs and being appreciated for those curves has done it, and physically feeling my own shape pressed against the more angular shape of men has had an effect as well. 

Were I not fat, I'd lack a lot of the ass and breast curvature that creates that distinction between my shape and a man's, so in a lot of ways I think I feel *more* feminine fat than I would if I were thin. I also think of softness as feminine, and it's difficult to imagine my shape and skin feeling as soft and silky without a deep padding of fat below it, especially at the hips.

The only exceptions I can think of when I feel less feminine are when my size causes me to do something graceless--like trip or have trouble exiting the back seat of a car--or when I see beautiful lacy underthings that I would love to wear but can't find in my size. Sometimes watching the catlike moves of thin women wearing lingerie--like in Victoria Secret commercials--does it as well, because my body does not move like that. Other than that though, I feel feminine most of the time.

As a teen I would often stare at the backside of my mother with loathing. She is shaped just like me but on a much smaller scale, and I was horrified at how large her butt was, mostly because I knew that as big as hers was, mine was even larger. Now when I notice her shape, I just think of her as softly feminine, and I've come to view of myself in that much kinder way as well. It feels so much healthier being able to think that way now.

And an aside: Having long hair also makes me feel very feminine. I had shorter hair for most of my life and now that I've had it long for a few years, I've found it really makes a difference in how girly I feel.


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## ripley (Feb 16, 2007)

This is something I've been struggling with the last few months.

I have different views of what is feminine...from delicate to the overt sexuality of big-breasted, thin-hipped Victoria's Secret models. Neither of which I fit.

I'm an apple, and when I noticed that my belly is now quite a bit farther out when I'm standing than my breasts are...it was an unpleasant realization. I feel like I don't have that breast-waist-hips ratio that signifies "woman." It makes me feel almost disfigured. 

I feel bulky; I don't feel delicate, dainty, or graceful. Inside I feel like I'm all feminine, but I fear that from the outside I don't look it.


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## Risible (Feb 16, 2007)

Fat or thin (though I've never been thin), I'd feel feminine; all I have to do is glance down at the rack, which runs big in my family, fat or thin, to remind me of this. Beyond that, while I adore men and envy them many things (not the penis, though. Aesthetically, women have the advantage there; sorry, guys  . And certainly not the back hair...), I totally emphathize with women and understand women and feel 100% like a woman. I've been different sizes of large, and that feeling has never changed.

I kinda thought that maybe you were asking if being large made me feel less than attractive compared to a thin woman and I'd have to say that's true sometimes. Specifically, a thin woman can cross her legs, which I think is a feminine trait; and a thin woman can tuck her legs under her, which I've never been able to do, but which I think is charming; and a thin woman doesn't leave the hot tub half empty when she gets out...

But those are all superficial examples, kinda like when I envy someone for their smooth hair, or pretty feet, or long neck; things I don't have, but that don't make me less than a woman in my own mind.

Now, my husband is very clear on the issue; he is adamant that he sees thin women as "boyish," and lacking femininity.


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## Canonista (Feb 16, 2007)

kerrypop said:


> ...but sometimes I don't feel very feminine.



If that's you in your avatar you are definitely feminine! :smitten:


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## MissToodles (Feb 16, 2007)

I have similar feelings to Ripley here. While I do very feminine things ( I love dresses & makeup) I feel as if lacking in the bosom region makes me less lady like. Fat women when presented as sexy, usually have cleavage up to their chin. 

I also live in a city with very, very thin often extremely fashionable women. It's as if I can never "compare" to these ladies, who are held up as paradigms of womanhood.


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## kerrypop (Feb 16, 2007)

MissToodles said:


> I also live in a city with very, very thin often extremely fashionable women. It's as if I can never "compare" to these ladies, who are held up as paradigms of womanhood.



That is one area in which I am lucky. I live in Eugene, OR which is also known as "the place where hippies go to die" It's pretty crazy here, and lots of girls are tye-dye wearing/non shaving types. I think that is awesome that they are comfortable in their own skin, but the little things I do every day to make myself feel pretty really stand out when compared to these girls. There are also lots of superglam college sorority girls here.. so I'm definitely walking the middle path, which is generally well accepted. 

I understand how it can be to feel like that though. When I went to NYC I felt that way, especially the night we went to see a broadway show. It seemed like everyone was size two and wearing super designer dresses. They were beautiful, and I felt like a bump taking up a seat. :/


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## supersoup (Feb 16, 2007)

i'm the opposite.

i've always associated the beauty of a woman WITH being curvy. i grew up a daycare kid till i went to kindegarten, and i can remember all the ladies that worked there...these big beautiful black women, all curves, smiles, and red lipstick, and i loved every one of them. my favorite thing about getting hugs from them was that my hands couldn't touch when i'd squeeze them tight. my mama has always been the same way, and she's the most beautiful woman in the world to me. she's an 'apple' shape, but to me she just exudes "woman", whatever that means. i love the fact that i'm soft, round in places, and shaped differently than most other women. i'm certainly not the largest breasted woman in the world, but i'd never trade my shape. i love that i'm unique, and i've actually never felt more feminine in my life. i can wear my sandals, knit pants, and a tshirt and feel like the sexiest woman in the room a lot of times. 

beauty is what you make it, always remember that. and know that on those days you feel 'ugly and fat' there are people that still see you as beautiful, soft, voluptuous women. 

just mandasoup's two cents.


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## kerrypop (Feb 16, 2007)

supersoup said:


> beauty is what you make it, always remember that. and know that on those days you feel 'ugly and fat' there are people that still see you as beautiful, soft, voluptuous women.
> 
> just mandasoup's two cents.




Soup, you always make me SO happy! Be it cupcake posts, hat posts, or posts about being feminine, you just have this aura of "awwwww" and that is how everything you do makes me feel, all the time.

I love your posts!!!:wubu:


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## Fairia (Feb 16, 2007)

What I think of femininity are a few things. Looking at breasts, any size, having long hair (as I used to have the very short kind and did not like the way it made me look like a boy or "Pat" from SNL) And also having at least hips does it. I also see graceful agility, like dancing or a woman fighting in an action movie. Nice dresses, night gowns to sleep in, cute feet. Even looking at BBW drawings out there stretch the feminine perspective, and at very large sizes still look soft and nice .


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## Tad (Feb 16, 2007)

Ten quick thoughts on how fat accentuates femininity

1)	Obviously whatever curves you have become bigger  And note that this can be bust, hips, bum, whatever.
2)	Rounded arms and legs
3)	Gals bellies just are not generally the same looking as guys bellies!
4)	Rounder faces. One of the features of guys is the somewhat craggier face, so the fatter face emphasizes the softer and rounder lines.
5)	Emphasizes smaller hands. Women have smaller hands with shorter fingers than guys do, and when they are chubby they tend to look even shorter
6)	The way you move. I dont know if it is a center of gravity thing or how much weigh goes to the inner thigs, or just what, but while sufficient weight changes how anyone moves, it seems to do it differently for women and men.
7)	Softness. nuff said
8)	Breadth of hip. Even women who complain that they have no hips get much wider there than fat guys dohow many even really big guys have a hard time getting their hips into airplane seats? It is usually belly or shoulders that is the problem. So that shear breadth of hip is a sure sign of a woman to me.
9)	The neck. Women and men seem to plump up their necks differently. I like womens much more  
10)	I know I already said curves get bigger, but also that means there is just more curve, as in a longer sweep of curve, which gives them a sort of special quality aside from just shear size.

Regards;

-Ed


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## supersoup (Feb 16, 2007)

kerrypop said:


> Soup, you always make me SO happy! Be it cupcake posts, hat posts, or posts about being feminine, you just have this aura of "awwwww" and that is how everything you do makes me feel, all the time.
> 
> I love your posts!!!:wubu:



oy you, that's quite the compliment, thank you!! :blush: 

it's just the truth according to soup is all! this place has made me this way, i'll be forever indebted to dimensions and all the lovelies here like yourself!


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## Sandie S-R (Feb 16, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Ok here's one to get the brain cells working....
> 
> How does your size affect your feelings of femininity? ....(snip)...




My size has never affected my feeling feminine. I've always been a girly girl, long hair, manicured nails, pedicured toes, make-up, dress feminine. So for me size is no issue at all with my femininity.


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## AnnMarie (Feb 16, 2007)

I feel like soup and rainy.... I'm MORE feminine due to my size and curves. I'm softer, warmer, rounder, curvier, breastier, assier, bellyier, hippier - I'm everything that makes a woman a woman - plus more for good measure, so what is there to feel I'm lacking in feminine ways?

I understand the other feelings, but as rainy mentioned, that's not been part of my mind or thinking for many, many years now.... The thinner and more stick like a woman is, the more I think "12 year old boy" and less "foxy mama". 

My curves and soft flesh are the essence of femininity.


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## MissToodles (Feb 16, 2007)

kerrypop said:


> That is one area in which I am lucky. I live in Eugene, OR which is also known as "the place where hippies go to die" It's pretty crazy here, and lots of girls are tye-dye wearing/non shaving types. I think that is awesome that they are comfortable in their own skin, but the little things I do every day to make myself feel pretty really stand out when compared to these girls. There are also lots of superglam college sorority girls here.. so I'm definitely walking the middle path, which is generally well accepted.
> 
> I understand how it can be to feel like that though. When I went to NYC I felt that way, especially the night we went to see a broadway show. It seemed like everyone was size two and wearing super designer dresses. They were beautiful, and I felt like a bump taking up a seat. :/



Sounds similar to when I visit Vermont. People, especially the women, don't dress up, wear makeup etc. You're in Vermont, you do what you want. Unless you're in the more chi-chi areas, there's rarely a woman who wears heels to the market or bothers looking glam.

I just want to clarify, I don't want to be stick thin. That type of aesthetic doesn't appeal to me. Sometimes I just feel sort of bulky and ungraceful for my size. Often, people asked me along with other guys to help them move things or lift heavy objects. They assumed I was stronger because of my weight. I guess it goes both ways, as I try to use my size to be more intimidating therefore much less "feminine".


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## lemmink (Feb 16, 2007)

Curves are deffo feminine. I don't really see it apply so much to *size* - I mean, v. thin women can be pretty curvy too. But yes, anything with any level of curviness looks to me to be feminine.


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## kerrypop (Feb 16, 2007)

MissToodles said:


> Sounds similar to when I visit Vermont. People, especially the women, don't dress up, wear makeup etc. You're in Vermont, you do what you want. Unless you're in the more chi-chi areas, there's rarely a woman who wears heels to the market or bothers looking glam.
> 
> I just want to clarify, I don't want to be stick thin. That type of aesthetic doesn't appeal to me. Sometimes I just feel sort of bulky and ungraceful for my size. Often, people asked me along with other guys to help them move things or lift heavy objects. They assumed I was stronger because of my weight. I guess it goes both ways, as I try to use my size to be more intimidating therefore much less "feminine".




ooh- yeah. I didn't mean to give off the vibe that you would want to be a lil' tiny thing. Sorry about that, I reread my post and it totally looks like that's what I meant - It's not.


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## Sweet Tooth (Feb 16, 2007)

Sometimes I feel more like a hausfrau instead of a sexy beautiful woman [although I realize that image is, of course, subjective as well]... but I also realize that's somewhat about how I dress - for comfort and ease of cleaning off all the stuff I spill on my bewbie shelf! LOL

I also feel awkward at times, although less so than when I was smaller but less confident.

I do know, though, that I choose tall men without a doubt to help me feel more feminine. I don't want to feel like, at my weight, I could break a guy in half [even if he'd enjoy it]. I don't want a man whose hands or feet are smaller than mine. To me, it's more about the comparison between me and a guy than whether or not I'm a certain size. As much as I hate stereotypes about women, I think this is about being the "weaker", protected partner on occasion. People rely on me so often to be a strong one that sometimes I like the feeling of being the delicate one who needs some looking after. Pampering is nice.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 16, 2007)

crazygrad said:


> Society's definition of feminity is so narrow that many women just don't feel feminine using this yardstick. Its based on the idea of what men find attractive and has so much to do with ideas of sexual availability and the deference of the female to the male body in terms of size and strength. Women are supposed to be smaller and weaker than man, in this framework. Women are supposed to be sexually appealing to please their men- and to likewise be available to fulfill that promise of sexuality when requested by their men. As a result, any women whose size, strength or attitude falls outside of this "heterosexy" ideal is deemed as less desirable and less feminine by others, who then project this back to the women who internalize it.





rainyday said:


> Were I not fat, I'd lack a lot of the ass and breast curvature that creates that distinction between my shape and a man's, so in a lot of ways I think I feel *more* feminine fat than I would if I were thin. I also think of softness as feminine, and it's difficult to imagine my shape and skin feeling as soft and silky without a deep padding of fat below it, especially at the hips.





ripley said:


> I feel like I don't have that breast-waist-hips ratio that signifies "woman."





supersoup said:


> i've always associated the beauty of a woman WITH being curvy.





Sandie S-R said:


> My size has never affected my feeling feminine. I've always been a girly girl, long hair, manicured nails, pedicured toes, make-up, dress feminine. So for me size is no issue at all with my femininity.





AnnMarie said:


> I feel like soup and rainy.... I'm MORE feminine due to my size and curves. I'm softer, warmer, rounder, curvier, breastier, assier, bellyier, hippier - I'm everything that makes a woman a woman - plus more for good measure, so what is there to feel I'm lacking in feminine ways?





lemmink said:


> Curves are deffo feminine.




All of these points are well taken and I agree with them completely. I love my curves, and they definitely add to the feminine feeling, at times. BUT, my curves being too much also can take away from the feminine feeling - in my own brain. I always fear appearing sloppy and unattractive, equating that with being unfeminine. 

Thanks to everyone for their posts and thoughts....they've all been "food for thought..." LOLOL Keep 'em coming.....

:wubu:


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## William (Feb 16, 2007)

Hi Violet

I would just like to give you a award for the best use of quotes of the day!!

William 


QUOTE=Violet_Beauregard;360424]All of these points are well taken and I agree with them completely. I love my curves, and they definitely add to the feminine feeling, at times. BUT, my curves being too much also can take away from the feminine feeling - in my own brain. I always fear appearing sloppy and unattractive, equating that with being unfeminine. 

Thanks to everyone for their posts and thoughts....they've all been "food for thought..." LOLOL Keep 'em coming.....

:wubu:[/QUOTE]


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## seavixen (Feb 16, 2007)

This is an interesting post... it's getting my brain going. You know, as weird as this may sound, I've never really felt unfeminine (as related to my size) in my adult life. I remember feeling that way to some extent when I was a kid because I was so much taller AND fatter than everyone else... I felt manly and weird. But I think most kids feel weird, so, eh.

That is not to say that I don't have moments where I feel completely unfeminine - but, to once again be honest, those are totally my fault. I'll feel that way when I'm wearing something ugly - like if I'm sick, or I've run out of clothes for whatever reason - or when I have my hair just stuck in a crappy house-only pony tail and no makeup on... but not with too much seriousness. I have ugly days, like everybody does, when I am prone to announcing that I look like a boy. Sometimes I do! lol

I think part of it does have to do with the breast area. I've never had large breasts, even though there are probably people who would claim otherwise based on the bra sizes I wear - but my stomach has taken over in pokey-outy-ness and it makes them seem pretty small. That definitely makes me feel a little less feminine. However... on the flipside, I've also got a big butt, which I immediately equate with femininity. My mother is the opposite - big breasts and small butt/hip area, and she is of the opinion that she's manly and unfeminine - so small (I use the word loosely) boobies don't make you ungirly. It's more self-perception than anything else.

I guess it depends on how you view femininity - how narrow your guidelines are and where they start out at. As far as I'm concerning, curves are extraordinarily feminine. They can be manifested in the stomach, breasts, derriere, legs, arms, face - everywhere. While I completely know and understand feeling "lumpy" because of rolls, and I tend to criticize them on myself, on other women they seem so, so womanly to me. A soft, round woman is the epitome of femininity, IMO.  I completely don't relate thinness to womanliness.... absolutely the opposite. But when my own lumpiness bothers me, I just wear clothes that smooth and accentuate the curves I like... which is probably why I love old fashioned underthings, like corsets.

All of that said, I think femininity is more a state of mind and attitude than anything else. A woman or a man can display overwhelming femininity without looking the "part" society (or we as individuals) expect or relate to it.


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## kerrypop (Feb 16, 2007)

So, something I've noticed is that a lot of ladies on this board tend to think that they are at their least feminine when they're hanging out at home all un makeuped and ponytailed. 

Many times, when I'm in that position I feel the _most_ feminine. Cuddly pj pants and a top (or not.. :blush are kind of standard issue girl wear in my mind, and i know Stan likes it when I'm a cuddlepod, and that makes me equate it even more with femininity. Weird!


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 16, 2007)

Thanks..... :blush: 

They all tied together... I couldn't help myself! 





William said:


> Hi Violet
> 
> I would just like to give you a award for the best use of quotes of the day!!
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 16, 2007)

seavixen said:


> I think femininity is more a state of mind and attitude than anything else.



Excellent point..... really to the point and well said. Kudos....


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## seavixen (Feb 16, 2007)

kerrypop said:


> So, something I've noticed is that a lot of ladies on this board tend to think that they are at their least feminine when they're hanging out at home all un makeuped and ponytailed.
> 
> Many times, when I'm in that position I feel the _most_ feminine. Cuddly pj pants and a top (or not.. :blush are kind of standard issue girl wear in my mind, and i know Stan likes it when I'm a cuddlepod, and that makes me equate it even more with femininity. Weird!



I actually feel really girly in jammies! I think it's the cuddliness, or something. But not when I'm in, say, a sweatshirt and old jeans - the kind of thing I never wear willingly, but occasionally find myself resorting to when I need to do laundry or if I have to work (at home) before I have the chance to shower. I can't stand wearing any of my regular clothes, even for a couple of hours, when I have not had my shower yet...


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## TallFatSue (Feb 16, 2007)

Size vs. Femininity? It's the best of both worlds (see my signature  ).


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## mossystate (Feb 16, 2007)

I guess right now...after participating in a thread in Hyde Park..and now..this...I just want to flush the word 'feminine' down the toilet.Once again, labels make people feel..less..or more(nothing at all against the OP.. )

It is funny, but the other night I was shaving under my arms and it had been quite a while and I was thinking that while I like the smoothness after I do the deed, I also thought that the hair was appealing as well.I guess I don't understand the idea that with the hair, many would think I was more 'masculine', without it, more 'feminine'..while I was the same person...before..and after.Preferences should never mean more than that.

I understand that lots of flesh on a woman means, for many, a womanliness that cannot be part of the equation if a woman is thin,but that is more of a personal thing and should not be part of a greater definition...in my opinion.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 16, 2007)

And this is a definition of femininity that I have never agreed with. But then, I come from a matrilineal culture, too, so maybe that is the reason. There is something about a short, skinny woman that registers in my brain as unattractive. I think our society needs to appreciate all women, and not just one type of woman.



crazygrad said:


> Society's definition of feminity is so narrow that many women just don't feel feminine using this yardstick. Its based on the idea of what men find attractive and has so much to do with ideas of sexual availability and the deference of the female to the male body in terms of size and strength. Women are supposed to be smaller and weaker than man, in this framework. Women are supposed to be sexually appealing to please their men- and to likewise be available to fulfill that promise of sexuality when requested by their men. As a result, any women whose size, strength or attitude falls outside of this "heterosexy" ideal is deemed as less desirable and less feminine by others, who then project this back to the women who internalize it.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 16, 2007)

Every woman can't be Betty Boop or be one of those pixie-thin women with distended breasts that men see in the porno magazines. Being feminine has nothing to do with the size of your parts. It's something you have to feel inside you.

One of the things I detest about American society is how the merchants and the doctors use all this neurosis about weight to make fat people feel like the scum of the earth. This has never made sense to me. 




ripley said:


> This is something I've been struggling with the last few months.
> 
> I have different views of what is feminine...from delicate to the overt sexuality of big-breasted, thin-hipped Victoria's Secret models. Neither of which I fit.
> 
> ...


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## Jack Skellington (Feb 17, 2007)

Softness and curves equals femininity.

When women get to the point of thinness where they lose their natural curves, that's when they start looking unfeminine in my opinion.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 17, 2007)

I'm not really a girly-girl at heart. 

I have a very "feminine" body. I don't really like it. Not that I'd rather look masculine; I'm equally disturbed by that. I would rather be the sort of beautiful that's breath-taking, like the sort of man you see where you think "breathtakingly gorgeous" before handsome or manly. 

I don't feel lithe either. I feel clunky, drippy, and every less flattering adjective one could associate with having huge breasts. This isn't a pity cry. It's just how I feel. I absolutely loathe my breasts, and they have tortured me for years. I'm pretty conflicted I guess. Bor-ing.


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## ripley (Feb 17, 2007)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Every woman can't be Betty Boop or be one of those pixie-thin women with distended breasts that men see in the porno magazines. Being feminine has nothing to do with the size of your parts. It's something you have to feel inside you.





And I said:


ripley said:


> Inside I feel like I'm all feminine, but I fear that from the outside I don't look it.



I'm not sure why you quoted me and then said what you did?


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 17, 2007)

I was responding to the first 2 paragraphs of what you said. Don't lose sleep about it.



ripley said:


> And I said:
> 
> I'm not sure why you quoted me and then said what you did?


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## ripley (Feb 17, 2007)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I was responding to the first 2 paragraphs of what you said. Don't lose sleep about it.



You overestimate yourself greatly if you think that even had the slightest chance of happening.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 17, 2007)

I think what I'm learning about all these posts, is that nearly everyone has something about themselves that may cause that "unfeminine" feeling, but at the same time has some way of counteracting it. 

I'm also learning that femininity is definitely a state of mind...almost an attitude. 

Would everyone agree with that?


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## Risible (Feb 17, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> I think what I'm learning about all these posts, is that nearly everyone has something about themselves that may cause that "unfeminine" feeling, but at the same time has some way of counteracting it.
> 
> I'm also learning that femininity is definitely a state of mind...almost an attitude.
> 
> Would everyone agree with that?



I believe femininity is an attitude or frame of mind. It has less to do with the outsize badges of womanhood that I possess, and more about the way I feel more attractive after having been to the beauty salon, for example, or maybe after clothes shopping or picking up some new makeup.


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## imfree (Feb 17, 2007)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I was responding to the first 2 paragraphs of what you said. Don't lose sleep about it.


 I was born in 1955, the same year Albert Einstein, the world's
greatest genius, died. I think I inherited his attitude! I don't like mediocre
thinking and damn well won't follow it!!!
I'm driving my own life! I REFUSE to let others drive 
me where THEY want to go!!!!If a woman has the NERVE to ride with me, let her put on a crash-helmet and securely fasten her seatbelt!!!
The Dangerous,
But Exciting,
Edgar


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## mossystate (Feb 17, 2007)

*just....blinks*


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## Accept (Feb 17, 2007)

imfree said:


> I was born in 1955, the same year Albert Einstein, the world's
> greatest genius, died. I think I inherited his attitude! I don't like mediocre
> thinking and damn well won't follow it!!!
> I'm driving my own life! I REFUSE to let others drive
> ...




That... seems completely unrelated to everything else in this thread. :huh:


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## ashmamma84 (Feb 17, 2007)

I think, femininity for me, is partly in how I feel about myself as a woman and my appearance. I have always felt feminine - I love pampering myself, getting my hair and nails done, facials, waxing, wearing gorgeous clothes...however, I don't necessarily need those things to feel 'like a woman'. Living in a major metro area with plenty of uber fashionable skinny minnies, I think if I didn't dress well, it might make me feel out of place or at the very least like a big schlumpy chick and quite frankly, that's not the image I want to project to the world. It might be shallow/vain...but it's honest.

That said, it's more of a mental thing...the way that I think, the way that I move through the world (so to speak) is a reflection of my feminine identity. My warm and comforting nature in dealing with my friends and family, my ability to empathize and be a pillar of support to those in need - all help define my femme-ness. My relationship with my body also helps reaffirm this - I think of my body as very very feminine. It's soft and fleshy, hourglass in shape - my skin is smooth and a rich caramel brown. I love how I carry my weight and I wear it well, doing my best to "baby" my fat. IMO, it's the essence of femininity - though society might have a very different opinion...


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## imfree (Feb 17, 2007)

Sorry, Accept.
I let my ADD get me off-topic. This one's on-topic.
"You're only as pretty as you feel" (60's rock song,
perhaps Grace Slick)
I Think That's Better,
Edgar


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## TallFatSue (Feb 17, 2007)

imfree said:


> I let my ADD get me off-topic.


That explains a lot!  

I'm very strong-willed and opinionated too, but I try to stay reasonably on topic. Which reminds me: I was a bit of a tomboy as a young girl, but deep down inside I still felt like a girl. Nowadays my size helps me hold my own with the men in my workplace when needed, but my ample curves always make me feel feminine. And I'm not above a well-timed jiggle here or there if it helps get my point across (  ). At my height, it's fun to watch men try not to be too obvious when they stare at my chest. So I'm a very feminine woman, but I'm also no pushover. These many layers of my existence do make life interesting.


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## crazygrad (Feb 17, 2007)

I think I agree with Mossystate (i Think she said it) that feminity should be flushed. Not that I have anything against someone wanting to be feminine (whatever that means) but that too often it is a concept used to batter women (and even men) over the head and to make them feel badly about themselves for not living up to some concept of what others think they should be.

Please don't take this as some kind of insult to anyone who feels feminine , wants to feel feminine, or has defined it as a quality they want for themself- I think its fine for a woman to want to be feminine but hopefully she formulates her own definition of what that means and pursues it for reasons of her own desires, rathering than chasing some elusive definition created (and constantly changed) by others for reasons they've determined.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 17, 2007)

ripley said:


> This is something I've been struggling with the last few months.
> 
> I have different views of what is feminine...from delicate to the overt sexuality of big-breasted, thin-hipped Victoria's Secret models. Neither of which I fit.
> 
> ...



A good friend of mine cried to me the other day about her belly. She's lost her belly, completely, a good sign her period isn't coming back. Estrogen makes itself known by giving even THIN women a lower belly bump. When it's gone, your period is definitely not returning. A belly is an important aspect of being a woman; without it, you are somewhat NOT a woman. It's another perspective I guess we don't often think about, but a belly most certainly says "woman."


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## BitsyAintMyName (Feb 17, 2007)

I dunno. I was much more girly when I was younger. Now that there are no more dolls or tea parties I've gravitated more towards men. My friends are guys and my hobbies are generally males hobbies(i.e. video games, collectible card games, etc). Sometimes I feel like I'm just a guy with boobs.  My bigness sorta contributes to that because I look like a fleshy lump in all my cloths. *lol* I wasn't meant to be as big as I am. My frame wasn't designed to have as much flesh as it does and so I don't look as feminine as I could. I need to lose 100lbs and then I'll be perfect. I think I'd be about 165lbs and still a BBW.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 17, 2007)

Another thought or two... I absolutely love to do girly things... I love makeup, love styling my hair, love shopping, love all that stuff. I do my darndest to feel feminine despite my size and weight.


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## Pink (Feb 17, 2007)

I am a real girlie girl anyway in the sense that I love makeup, doing my nails, hair,etc.. but just throwing my 2 cents in.
I am one of the women that feels more feminine and sexy due to my larger size. Especially my belly.


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## jamie (Feb 17, 2007)

This is going to come out much more hippie-earth-woman than I probably mean it too, but there is something about my size, not just my curves, but my presence that makes me feel feminine.

I like a lot of others have mentioned do not have very large breasts, but I do have wide hips and a very curvy silhouette no matter what I am wearing, or doing. When I see those attributes in others, it automatically triggers my idea of womanly and when I see my shadow on the ground or on a wall, I react the same way to it.

But there is something about having this amazing center of gravity, of being well-seated, that makes me feel grounded and strong and very definitely feminine. I guess it may stem from having read too much anthropological and historical material, but I get some sort of charge from being substantial and in the world. 

When I am being clumsy...and that is a lot... I do not feel very girly, and just feel like a lumbering dolt, but when I am out taking a walk, or hiking, or swimming, I definitely do feel every roll and ripple and softness and just own that as part of my continuation of a long history of fertility goddess representations.

*sorry if this is looney, I attribute it to having about 3.5 hours of sleep since the night before last.*


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## kathynoon (Feb 17, 2007)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> Another thought or two... I absolutely love to do girly things... I love makeup, love styling my hair, love shopping, love all that stuff. I do my darndest to feel feminine despite my size and weight.



I dislike all that stuff. I grew up with 3 brothers and a mother who was not a girly-girl by any stretch. I was always more comfortable with boys doing boy things. When folks would try to get me to dress like a girl, I would be upset because I thought I looked sissy. When I got older, I developed a career in a very male dominated field, and wanted to blend in. So getting to the point where I wanted to feel feminine was a big hurdle to overcome for me. Then trying to figure out what that really means and how to do it is something I am still struggling with.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 18, 2007)

It's funny you say that...I have 3 brothers and a mother who isn't overly girly-girly either, and in my case, I think I want to be more feminine and girly because of it. I feel girly and feminine inside, but I just fear my outside doesn't match that, and I just keep attributing that to being overweight. I know my curves are girly, but I just worry that they're too much and are destroying that girlyness and femininity.





kathynoon said:


> I dislike all that stuff. I grew up with 3 brothers and a mother who was not a girly-girl by any stretch. I was always more comfortable with boys doing boy things. When folks would try to get me to dress like a girl, I would be upset because I thought I looked sissy. When I got older, I developed a career in a very male dominated field, and wanted to blend in. So getting to the point where I wanted to feel feminine was a big hurdle to overcome for me. Then trying to figure out what that really means and how to do it is something I am still struggling with.


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## William (Feb 18, 2007)

Hi 

I agree and think that Fat Acceptance and Fat Admiration should not be geared to make any Fat person not feel accepted. There are plenty of other places where that kind of thought is acceptable.

William




crazygrad said:


> I think I agree with Mossystate (i Think she said it) that feminity should be flushed. Not that I have anything against someone wanting to be feminine (whatever that means) but that too often it is a concept used to batter women (and even men) over the head and to make them feel badly about themselves for not living up to some concept of what others think they should be.
> 
> Please don't take this as some kind of insult to anyone who feels feminine , wants to feel feminine, or has defined it as a quality they want for themself- I think its fine for a woman to want to be feminine but hopefully she formulates her own definition of what that means and pursues it for reasons of her own desires, rathering than chasing some elusive definition created (and constantly changed) by others for reasons they've determined.


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## Tooz (Feb 18, 2007)

BitsyAintMyName said:


> I need to lose 100lbs and then I'll be perfect.



I feel like this is the attitude most people have. I go back and forth. I'm not really a girly girl at all, so I don't feel feminine a lot, but it's not because I'm fat. I don't think being thin is tied to femininity at all- it's just the crap being peddled to us. What the media constitutes as feminine is just...not. It's a tiny and narrowly-defined space when the concept of femininity is actually quite broad.

I might look like a bulldog in a prom dress, but that doesn't mean I'm not feminine. It's not all cupcake dresses and pink lipstick, it's everything about being a woman, I guess. I see women on these boards who are 500 pounds and more who look very feminine to me. I understand how it's hard, though, I'm 5'9 and weigh more than every guy I've ever dated/been friends with/whatever, so it can be hard when you're not the "smaller" one or whatever, but again, that's kind of the media talking there. I guess I'm kind of of the mind that, if you have a vagina, you are feminine (unless you actively hide it and work to get a sex change or are actually a boy inside or something.)

Besides, what about Venus of Willendorf or whatever?


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## kerrypop (Feb 18, 2007)

BitsyAintMyName said:


> I dunno. I was much more girly when I was younger. Now that there are no more dolls or tea parties I've gravitated more towards men. My friends are guys and my hobbies are generally males hobbies(i.e. video games, collectible card games, etc). Sometimes I feel like I'm just a guy with boobs.  My bigness sorta contributes to that because I look like a fleshy lump in all my cloths. *lol* I wasn't meant to be as big as I am. My frame wasn't designed to have as much flesh as it does and so I don't look as feminine as I could. I need to lose 100lbs and then I'll be perfect. I think I'd be about 165lbs and still a BBW.



LOL as far as hobbies go, I'm in the same boat. I don't do girly things very often. Stan is a video game designer, so video games are kind of a way of life at our house... I don't like shopping with my friends because I can't even shop at the same stores... but since I'm in college and no one can afford to shop anyway that doesn't come up too often. I HATE girly talks about men and how they're lame in x way or whatever... I think that videogames/cards/whatever are totally sexy in a different kind of way. I love getting cuddles from stan when he's just thrilled that he can share his favorite activities with me because I'm a supernerd. I kind of pride myself on the title... Kerry, supernerd extrordinaire. 

it has a nice ring to it. A nice... _feminine_ ring? I think so.


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## AnnMarie (Feb 18, 2007)

BitsyAintMyName said:


> I need to lose 100lbs and then I'll be perfect. I think I'd be about 165lbs and still a BBW.



If that's what you want, then go for it. I say this with fat girl love only - I spent most of my young life saying things like "when I'm ..... my life will be perfect"... be it age or weight or dress size or boyfriend, etc. 

Don't wait for perfect (it doesn't exist, first of all), make it what you want NOW because that weight or size may never come, and there is no guarantee that a different size will make you feel perfect. 

I probably sound like an old know-it-all, but honestly.... accepting yourself and starting to feel perfect NOW - it's the best gift you'll ever give yourself. If you want to continue to change later it will be even easier because body acceptance frees you of failure and unrealistic expectations. Get happy on the inside and see what else is left after that.


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## Tina (Feb 18, 2007)

Brava, AnnMarie! I wholeheartedly agree.

I lived that "If only I was this size..." thing and it feels awful. Liking oneself as is, body and soul, is SO much better than always dreaming of being a smaller size. Personally, for me, I think that anything below 250-275, I would feel unnatural. I like how my fatness gives me curves and makes me soft, and that, too me, is a big part of what "feminine" is all about. It is why I like to wear clothing that feels soft, and why I keep my skin feeling soft.


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## Augustcandy (Feb 18, 2007)

To me to be feminine means much more than curves or habits or makeup. Being female is a spiritual thing. its not something you think, or feel or buy. Feminity goes beyond all physical things. Yes a lot of people think you have to do or participate in the "female" traits that surround many societies. But thoughs characteristics are barely skin deep. Feminity is a thing inside each person who decides to acknowledge it, embrace it. 

So, hold on tight!..lol


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## liz (di-va) (Feb 18, 2007)

I guess I just don't see it as a "_*VS.*_" issue anymore (see thread title), if I did--I think I did more early in my 20s. There are many ways (see previous wise posts!) in which size augments, even exaggerates femininity, I think. 

Part of the reason I feel at peace with this is that fat or thin, I've always had to deal with my own/my family's version of femininity, translate into the world at large. Right from my childhood, with a vaguely hippie but beautiful mother wearing Earth Shoes and jeans and driving our VW van (to use some true but cliched shorthand), I feel like I've been forced to think about this and I guess it's been clear that femininity doesn't necc. lie in a lot of virtues well-touted in advertising. I'm not splaining well. I just think that like many ideas...it comes from within.

I am kind of a sucker for feeling like a girly-girl around men, I can't lie. Not in its worst permutations--mute and giggling with horribly controlling dudes who would die rather than not open a door for you (although I like that!) or feel uncomfortable with you joining in a pickup game of basketball or whatever..no! But I tend to like...testosterone. Vive la difference.  Boys are so delish for that.


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## Tracyarts (Feb 18, 2007)

I don't equate size as in weight with being feminine or unfeminine. I do have a hard time feeling feminine because of my height and the fact that I have big hands and feet. They don't make womens' watches to fit my wrists, and my wrists are not fat, they are just very big. Womens' gloves and hats almost always run too small for me as well. I have to have rings sized up because even when I was borderline *under*weight, I wore a size 10 in rings. It is hard to find feminine shoes to fit, although I have some good drag queen and transvestite sources which have some things which are more feminine than "sturdy and practical" that will work. Stockings? Again, if I can find a source selling womens clothing sized to fit men I can get them. 

And I love feminine clothing, makeup, having long hair, and all around being a girl. It's just harder to fit into the girl world. I have to try harder and make more effort and compensate for some ways that my size makes it hard to appear and feel feminine. 

Tracy


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 18, 2007)

I think my big boobs and arse reek of femininity 


Women ain't supposed to be skinny- nature saw to that....

(that's why we gain weight so much easier than men or have a harder time losing it than men- a "normal" BMI for women is 18-25% while males are much lower. We need the fat (or used to) to sustain us through childbirth/pregnancy in times when food wasn't so plentiful. So fat is feminine, imo.)


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## out.of.habit (Feb 18, 2007)

Thank you for these posts. I was thinking this one over, and I guess I was trying to define femininity before I decided if I fit that mold. Honestly, I was starting to feel a little bad- I didn't think I was as feminine as I could be, as a result of still climbing my way out of the big fat media trap I was firmly entrenched in before I became enlightened, as it were. I was thinking that I could become more feminine IF - if I were more accepting of myself, if I could improve my mindset, if I could only find prettier clothes... then I stopped. I realized that this thinking was exactly the same as the "I could be pretty if only I weren't fat." 
It was another way that I was backing myself into a dark, ugly corner. 

So, I'm going to go with yes. I am feminine because I am a woman, I feel like a woman, I think like a woman, I have curves like a woman. Doesn't that make me feminine? There are as many different ways to be feminine as there are women on the planet. These three points below confirmed my (final) thinking on the matter, and in a way, have helped me learn a little bit more about my Size Acceptance path today. 
Thanks for that. 



AnnMarie said:


> If that's what you want, then go for it. I say this with fat girl love only - I spent most of my young life saying things like "when I'm ..... my life will be perfect"... be it age or weight or dress size or boyfriend, etc.
> 
> Don't wait for perfect (it doesn't exist, first of all), make it what you want NOW because that weight or size may never come, and there is no guarantee that a different size will make you feel perfect.
> 
> I probably sound like an old know-it-all, but honestly.... accepting yourself and starting to feel perfect NOW - it's the best gift you'll ever give yourself. If you want to continue to change later it will be even easier because body acceptance frees you of failure and unrealistic expectations. Get happy on the inside and see what else is left after that.





Tina said:


> Brava, AnnMarie! I wholeheartedly agree.
> 
> I lived that "If only I was this size..." thing and it feels awful. Liking oneself as is, body and soul, is SO much better than always dreaming of being a smaller size. Personally, for me, I think that anything below 250-275, I would feel unnatural. I like how my fatness gives me curves and makes me soft, and that, too me, is a big part of what "feminine" is all about. It is why I like to wear clothing that feels soft, and why I keep my skin feeling soft.





Augustcandy said:


> To me to be feminine means much more than curves or habits or makeup. Being female is a spiritual thing. its not something you think, or feel or buy. Feminity goes beyond all physical things. Yes a lot of people think you have to do or participate in the "female" traits that surround many societies. But thoughs characteristics are barely skin deep. Feminity is a thing inside each person who decides to acknowledge it, embrace it.
> 
> So, hold on tight!..lol


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## BitsyAintMyName (Feb 18, 2007)

AnnMarie said:


> If that's what you want, then go for it. I say this with fat girl love only - I spent most of my young life saying things like "when I'm ..... my life will be perfect"... be it age or weight or dress size or boyfriend, etc.
> 
> Don't wait for perfect (it doesn't exist, first of all), make it what you want NOW because that weight or size may never come, and there is no guarantee that a different size will make you feel perfect.
> 
> I probably sound like an old know-it-all, but honestly.... accepting yourself and starting to feel perfect NOW - it's the best gift you'll ever give yourself. If you want to continue to change later it will be even easier because body acceptance frees you of failure and unrealistic expectations. Get happy on the inside and see what else is left after that.



My need to lose weight has more to do with my girth making it hard for me to breath(I have asthma) than dissatisfaction with my body. 

I really wish stores with BBW clothing would come into the real world see how we're shaped! I'm mostly torso, which makes my legs shorter than normal, which makes my crotch lower the the average pants has them. :blush: Pants end up too long if I let them droop even a little and if I pull them up too much my privates get choked.  Also, just because I'm bigger doesn't mean my cloths need to be looser. Sometimes tighter is better. *lol* I have a nice bosum and so I like shirts that are a little tight in that area to show them off. Most of the girl shirts I have make me look like I'm wearing a tent over them.  Girly cloths are my favorite way to feel like a girl. You should see my childhood photos. Loads of pink and purple, bows, and adorable dresses with patent-leather shoes. I think my mom did it because I was into stuff like Star Trek: TNG and Transformers and she didn't want me to become a tomboy. I didn't. I became a geek instead. *lol*


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## Tina (Feb 18, 2007)

Augustcandy said:


> To me to be feminine means much more than curves or habits or makeup. Being female is a spiritual thing. its not something you think, or feel or buy.



I agree, but then to me, the two terms, "female" and "feminine" can be mutually exclusive. I don't believe in imposing gender norms on anyone, and have seen some gorgeous, self-assured butch women who would shudder at being defined as "feminine."


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## QuasimodoQT (Feb 19, 2007)

I generally feel feminine. Like TSL, I have longed for other looks, to be elegant rather than cutish, and it took me a long time to realize that I was even cutish. 

Aside from that, though, I always felt like ultra-woman. I got my period at 8. I had a breast reduction early my sophomore year in high school, and I still got huge again up top, before I had "the big gain." I couldn't wear pants because, hmm, how to say without TMI, errr... my body was always in "ready phase" around men. So there was always the skirt factor. I still prefer them, though NYC prevents me from full-time skirt-wearing in the winter.

Yes, I have felt graceless and lumpish, mostly when I am in a situation where I am made conscious of he space I take up in comparison to others. But still womanly.

Two things have made me feel less womanly. The first, a few months in college after I chopped off all my hair to 1" on the sides, 2-3" on the top. Even when I wear it up in a tight chignon, I don't feel the loss to my feminine side like that.

The second, right now. I'm struggling with infertility, and it's a shock after always assuming I would be instantly successful in the baby stakes, given my body's overtime prep work. My emotions are all wonky, too, so that probably contributes. 

This thread is interesting- stirring up a lot of thoughts, and apparently, it's long overdue for some thinkin'.


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## Shy Aurora (Feb 20, 2007)

I love feeling feminine, however as an engineering student I find it works to my disadvantage in just about everything other than pure academics. It's harder to find lab groups, professors don't take you seriously, and you attack friends who just want to show that they like girls. In defense I try to look and act as much like a guy as possible when at school bywearing a sports bra or two two flatten my chest, t-shirts a size or two larger than necessary, and acting generally more masculine. Because of this being feminine is more like a vacation from the daily grind than a state of mind. Femininity for me is more of an expression than I am human in addition to being an engineer.


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## Tad (Feb 20, 2007)

That is fairly fascinatingIm an engineer, and Ive always wondered how the 10% or so of our class that was female felt on this. Although in our class I think they at least never had trouble with lab partners or study groups, and there was an unwritten rule that you didnt hit on women in your classit would have felt like incest almost. But on the flip side, thinking back, none of them came across as girly very often, but I dont know how much that was innate and how much was deliberate to blend in. Certainly they were more apt to be encouraged to play sports than to get a manicure, or whatever. Part of it may have been that the unwritten rule was easier to observe if they didnt come across as too feminine. 

Then again, we had our fifteen year reunion last year, and a few of the women made it there. None of them had become all that girly-girly either. The one who had probably trended most feminine in university was now moderately fashionable seeming (at least by engineering standards), the other were much as you might have extrapolated from when we were students. In short, with the female engineering students in my class Im not sure how much they repressed their femininity, but it does not seem to have been very substantial.

There was a girl in my year, in a different discipline, who was fairly notorious for going to her labs in tight tops and full make up, and thereby getting all the lab tech and/or teaching assistant attention that she could use (sadly it was consistently the case that this worked for her). On the other hand shed also been a very successful girls rugby player in high school, so she was hardly limited to sex appeal in her arsenal of ways to get what she wanted, I think she was more driven and slightly ruthless than anything elsecertainly the guys in her class all seemed to treat her with wary respect. I would not be surprised to find out she is running a company or something now, she was just that sort of person. 

For almost anyone in engineering I think it is important to have some way to express your human, non-engineering, side. I dont know about your school, but we tended to study with, live with, and socialize with other people from our class in particular and engineering in general. It was kind of important to find some outlet outside of that hot house, where you could develop other parts of yourself.

Best of luck in balancing the various aspects of your life!

Regards;

-Ed


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 22, 2007)

Well, to add an interesting afterthought to this thread, I was feeling supremely girly and feminine today. I normally don't "dress up" for work. I manage the office for an industrial company, and even though it's the office, it's a very industrial atmosphere. The sales guys track in tons of dirt, dust, grime..etc. It's pointless for me to dress up. I wear jeans and t-shirts or sweatshirts pretty much everyday. The only time I don't is when I have a meeting after work for this secretarial organization that I belong to. Well, I had a meeting tonight, so I decided to live on the edge and wear a cute black corduroy skirt I made, and a nice taupe sweater I just found that was marked down. I wore nude hose and a nice pair of nude heels. I thought I looked okay. Now the real kicker here is...I'm the only female working at this place. We used to have a couple of other girls working in the office, but the economy killed us about 5 years ago and we laid them off. It's been me alone ever since. The guys in the office are VERY nice, I never have a problem with them. One of them, plus a couple of the guys in the shop have "the hots" for me, and we tease and joke around, but it's all in fun and nothing ever happens. 

Well, having worn a skirt today (short, above the knees) with heels, no less, I got quite a few comments. It was really nice. The tip of the iceberg was a couple of customers came in that we know very well, and I happened to not be out front when they came in. I heard the door and one of my bosses greeted them. Well, I came walking around the corner to see who was at the door and they were walking in. They saw me and both of them both stopped and their jaws dropped!! It was so obvious, I nearly laughed out loud. Both complimented me numerous times...short of gushing. It was WONDERFUL! They conducted their business with my bosses and made a point of stopping at my desk to say a few more nice things and say good bye. 

I was walking on cloud 9 by the end of the day. It sort of boosted my faith towards believing that my size isn't an issue in feeling girly! I struggle with that so, but it absolutely was not the case today. I never even thought about my size being an issue today. I mean the compliments and remarks were strictly appearance related - and all positive and complimentary. Nothing sexually oriented at all. It was really great.

I'm hoping I can hang onto this feeling and not let my size keep me from feeling girly and feminine.  



Thanks to all who have posted BTW.... they've all been great food for thought and offered so many diverse opinions and points of view. :bow:


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## imfree (Feb 22, 2007)

"You're only pretty as you feel" I hope you feel pretty more often, I'll
do my best to always remind you.
Loving & Pretty
Thoughts,
Edgar


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## lalatx (Feb 23, 2007)

I really do not think that what size you are determines how Feminine you are. Until about a year ago I was a total tomboy... than for some reason i decided that i wanted to dress up do my hair and makeup... this actually cause problems now b/c the job that i work really is not a place for someone who is girly b/c you are always getting dirty. I've never really thought anything bad about myself.... no matter what size I am, I will not let other people determine how I feel about myself. i get comments everyday from people that I work with the minute I walk in the door... I always get comments about my cute outfits or how my hair looks different everyday or the fact that I actually do my makeup before work (I work for a large home improvement chain so femininity is really not a priority for most). I have a very active social life (go out to clubs and hang out with friends at least 5 days a week), and I always try to look cute and really just ignore any bad comments.. or if the caught me on the wrong day I will just fuck with there heads or sick my minions (a.ka. friends) on them. I guess what I am really trying to say is that woman as a whole need to become more comfortable with themselves and stop worrying about what other people think.. and I do realize that doing so is much easier said than done but it could happen F**K the Majority Id Rather be in the Minority. And yes I realize this reply is all over the place but its 2 am so what do you expect freakin Shakespeare.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 23, 2007)

I agree it SHOULDN'T, but for me...in my twisted little brain, some times it does define it. I'm looking for ways to defeat that in myself. 





lalatx said:


> I really do not think that what size you are determines how Feminine you are.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 23, 2007)

Awwww, thank you Edgar.... I hope you do..... 




imfree said:


> "You're only pretty as you feel" I hope you feel pretty more often, I'll
> do my best to always remind you.
> Loving & Pretty
> Thoughts,
> Edgar


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## Augustcandy (Feb 23, 2007)

That is what a Seamstress is for..LOL


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## VelvetKiss (Feb 24, 2007)

*For me personally my size does or doesn't make me feel more girly. I am just girly by nature. The only problem my size contributes is that being a ssbbw it is hard to find the style of clothes I want to wear. Just my 2 cents worth.*


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## angel_love_ (Feb 24, 2007)

*




*



I can't speak for anyone else but I think femininity is a state of mind not size. I also feel that feminity is becoming a lost art in some ways. It doesn't take much work to be fem but some men look at nice nails light make up, nice trendy hair style, nice cloths is a high maintenance woman and that's not always the case. Sure if a woman goes to the salon for pedicures, manicures, custom clothing perhaps you are high maintenance. I can do fem in Jeans or a skirt. So again I don't think fem has anything to do with size ,,,it's a state of mind.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 24, 2007)

Absolutely. I think that large stature increases femininity. I think the word for a mature, sexy bbw is junoesque.



TallFatSue said:


> Size vs. Femininity? It's the best of both worlds (see my signature  ).


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 24, 2007)

There is nothing in this world that is sexier than a large woman who knows how to dress very well. 



ashmamma84 said:


> I think, femininity for me, is partly in how I feel about myself as a woman and my appearance. I have always felt feminine - I love pampering myself, getting my hair and nails done, facials, waxing, wearing gorgeous clothes...however, I don't necessarily need those things to feel 'like a woman'. Living in a major metro area with plenty of uber fashionable skinny minnies, I think if I didn't dress well, it might make me feel out of place or at the very least like a big schlumpy chick and quite frankly, that's not the image I want to project to the world. It might be shallow/vain...but it's honest.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Feb 24, 2007)

I try to dress well, or so I've been told. Someone told me once, years ago, that even though I was big, I dressed well. I wasn't sloppy. I buy clothes that fit instead of squeezing into things and not looking right.




CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> There is nothing in this world that is sexier than a large woman who knows how to dress very well.


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## Chimpi (Feb 24, 2007)

angel_love_ said:


> I think femininity is a state of mind not size.



I do agree with this to some extent. The way I, personally, would word it is that [to me] femininity comes from the attitude and projection, rather than the way one actually looks. However, not that there is anything wrong with it at all, there is something distinctly non-feminine about a woman who dresses close to that of a male.

I also believe that femininity comes from emotions as well. For example, the way I see it, a woman that cries at the end of every sweet movie tends to be slightly more feminine than those that do not. Yes, that can have a lot to do with personal taste in movies, but that's what I think. If a woman dresses confidently, especially when wearing a skirt or nice womens dress pants for example, and fills out a nice top, looks very feminine.
I do not, however, get into the nails at all ... nor much make up at all. 

When dealing with size, I tend to feel that a curvier body looks a lot more feminine than a straight, less curvy body. *shrugs*
Too many things go into a general distinction like femininity.


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## imfree (Apr 10, 2007)

imfree said:


> I was born in 1955, the same year Albert Einstein, the world's
> greatest genius, died. I think I inherited his attitude! I don't like mediocre
> thinking and damn well won't follow it!!!
> I'm driving my own life! I REFUSE to let others drive
> ...



Sorry to be off-topic again and I'll be short. GOD looks out for drunks
and fools. I don't drink. I wrecked back in the middle of Feb.. I hope no one 
was injured very seriously. I'm sorry about my reckless "driving". I've learned 
my lesson and I am "driving" more carefully now.


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## Tina (Apr 10, 2007)

Curvaceous and Vi, I think you both hit the nail on the head. For me, if I cannot dress in a way that makes me feel good, even if it's not designer clothing, etc, with accessories, made up if I want, and all that, I don't feel as feminine. I think that would hold true no matter what size I was. More softness and fat tends to equal more femininity in my mind.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Apr 10, 2007)

I think Tina, since I've become more accepting of my size, the femininity has come along with it. There are still certain things I wear that make me feel more, or less, feminine. Bottom line, I think it's all a state of mine... and how we accept ourselves. 




Tina said:


> Curvaceous and Vi, I think you both hit the nail on the head. For me, if I cannot dress in a way that makes me feel good, even if it's not designer clothing, etc, with accessories, made up if I want, and all that, I don't feel as feminine. I think that would hold true no matter what size I was. More softness and fat tends to equal more femininity in my mind.


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## DdeelishUK (Apr 12, 2007)

I truly believe that feminity has nothing to do with fat (from a woman's point of view LOL) but about how you view yourself - what you make of yourself and how you are feeling at that moment...

I know thin friends who have said they have never felt feminine despite having perfect size 12/14 figures - and I also know fat friends who say they have never felt feminine...its all down to mindset and expressing yourself regardless of size 

I personally feel feminine - I have also often been told I come across as very feminine and ladylike... why?

Well for me I feel my demeanour and personality is overall feminine - I rarely swear - never drink from pint glasses or drink beer - don't smoke roll-ups/tobacco (infact don't smoke at all) - I wear sexy trendy underwear even in the daytime (makes you feel feminine and sexy as hell even if no one else knows LOL) - my wardrobe of clothes tend to naturally lean towards strappy, feminine and flattering in styles - especially with my Karaoke DJ job

I wear my hair up and down - makeup is worn lightly and I walk tall - and with a swagger on the hips..  I know I am feminine - I walk and move as if I am feminine - even on the bad days I go out the door with my head up and my face on and before long I am back to believing again

I also feel femininty and sexiness have overlapping boundaries - often men view feminine women as very sexy without them screaming sex - but ultimately its what you make of yourself - believe you are feminine - move and act as if you know you are feminine and the rest often falls into place..

And a little work on throwing out those joggers and tracky tops and bringing in those babydolls and lacy underwear works wonders girls <grin>


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