# Metrosexualism & Men's Self-esteem



## jdwhitak (Jun 6, 2007)

What do you people think about this whole metrosexual thing? I know for years women's magazines have done a real number on women. Convincing them to strive for an impossible and subjective ideal of beauty. Now it seems like men's magazines are starting to do the same thing to men.

I remember in college that some of the more attractive girls where getting into metrosexualism and seemed to prefer guys that primped more than they did. Is this trend spreading to the masses? Anymore it seems like girls don't want anything to do with you unless you look like you could be on the cover of GQ magazine. 

By the way, I like the way I look and I haven't had any self-esteem problems. At least not yet!


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## Tad (Jun 6, 2007)

In various times and places the value placed on men's fashion and primping has varied. For the last coupld of generations in north america, it has been rather frowned on. Men were supposed to be "real men" looking a little scruffy after spending the day out riding the range. To be too fashionable or put too much effort into primping was definately to be 'not a real man.' 

That attitude is finally, thankfully, changing--at least from what I've seen.

I think part of it is that most women have at least as much career prospects as men do, so I think there is less emphasis on "will he be a good provider" and more on other factors. Not that every woman will like the GQ look, just as not every guy will like the fashion magazine look on women. 

One way to look at it is as a contest: who has the best ability at presenting themselves in the currently fashionable way. Doing so takes time, effort, money, cultural awareness, inate good looks, and some talent. All of those are potentially desirable traits. Of course, to some women putting that much time, effort, money, and focus into looking fashionable is an undesirable trait. 

By and large I like this trend, because while I'm sufficiently old and married not to care much, I can more easily approach the metro look than the macho guy look.

Regards;

-Ed


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Jun 6, 2007)

Ehhh....

Yeah I like a guy to dress nice, but when he spends more time in the bathroom mirror than I do, I don't like it.

I like scruffy, I like clean shaven...it all depends on how he carries himself too. A bit of confidence goes a long way. If that confidence is best shown by following current trends...then more power to him.

I'm just trying to get my guy to dress like a pirate...ya know like Capt. Jack Sparrow, eyeliner, and bandana, and all that...*sigh* he doesn't understand...lol

But all that being said, totally sloppy holey stained shirts and pants, isn't something I'm drawn to. (Totally fine if working on something like cleaning out the pond or doing work on the car and all that though)

Ok I'm not sure if I made any point other than, BHM dressed as Capt. Jack would be awesome...:smitten:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 6, 2007)

Interesting point you just made about marketing strategies on men now..... definitely food for thought.


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## Catkin (Jun 6, 2007)

Personally, I prefer the more rugged look to one that is more clean-cut and metrosexual, but I know that sometimes this rugged look can take just as much time to achieve as the metrosexual one. 

The guys that I know generally dress in ways which make themselves comfortable - usually, they take the no-fuss approach; get up, put on clean(ish) clothes, leave house. The guys that went to school with me that were more metrosexual were usually the "popular" ones, that cared far more about what people thought of them, and they never really had much to do with our group.

I don't spend a huge amount of time on myself - I probably should spend a lot more - and I agree with BLUEeyedBanshee when she said that a guy spending more time on his appearance than her feels...wrong. Metrosexual men, to me, are more feminine, and therefore I am less attracted to them.


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## TCUBOB (Jun 6, 2007)

I may clean up well, but if someone calls me a metrosexual I might punch them in the face.

However, I don't think I'm in danger of having to act on this threat, as it is VERY unlikely that someone is gonna call me a metro.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 6, 2007)

TCUBOB said:


> I may clean up well, but if someone calls me a metrosexual* I might punch them in the face.*
> 
> However, I don't think I'm in danger of having to act on this threat, as it is VERY unlikely that someone is gonna call me a metro.



That is so hot....... :wubu:  


not as hot as beatings with a garden hose... but still....


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## BBWTexan (Jun 6, 2007)

I like guys who look, act, dress, and smell like... well, guys.

The metrosexual thing just doesn't do it for me.


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## Butterbelly (Jun 6, 2007)

missaf said:


> Yes, but if he's a guy that dresses in a suit (a total turn on for me), and has nice skin, rugged hands that are strong yet soft, nice fingernails, and wears some seksy nice smell cologne with a little hint of sweat in the background...
> 
> Okay, I'll stop



Ohhhh yeah. A guy in a nice dress suit is a huge turn on for me. I can't say that I mind the "metrosexual" kind of guy, however, I still like a guy to just simply be a guy. I don't want him primping in front of the mirror for hours and hours, or having more clothes and shoes than me.


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## persimmon (Jun 6, 2007)

I think the androgynous thing some guys do is crazy hot (eg, a younger Brian Molko), though it seems only skinny boys try to pull it off. Even that is distinct from the "metrosexual" look, or living in front of the bathroom mirror. Excessive primping is annoying, no matter who's doing it. 

Since I spend almost no time primping, I can't use that as a criterion. Husband takes longer to shave than I do to dry my hair. Little brother has about a tenth the hair I do and spends about ten times as long carefully gelling and shaping it.

Missaf, what I find hot about your description is that the fellow bothered to clean up and look nice for me. That's hot, yo. Hunnh.

persimmon


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## cammy (Jun 6, 2007)

I was just saying to my BHM this mornng..."I love that 60 second hair."

Any more time than that and he's just not a guy for me. On the other hand, I start getting ready at 3pm for a 7pm diner reservation - and that doesn't include nails.


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## JoeD43 (Jun 6, 2007)

Personally, when I'm around the house by myself I will put some junky old clothes (or maybe no clothes at all- just kidding, wait dont run away) and sometimes when I wake up late I will wear something I would not otherwise put on. However, I also like looking nice and do take care of myself but I do not primp by any definition and I dont care a thing about brand names or designers, if it fits and looks good I wear it end of story.


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## jdwhitak (Jun 6, 2007)

I think some of you misunderstood me. I'm not really talking about regular hygiene. I shower every day, wear clean clothes, etc. I talking about a shift where things that in the past were considered "women's" issues or things pertaining to women are no effecting men. 

For example, in Indy there is an ad for Weightwatchers starring Dan Marino that is targeting men. In the past all weight loss program advertising was targeted towards women. Now they're going after men and giving us a weight complex. To illustrate this a guy at work came up to me and was telling me how he needed to 20 lbs. or something. He's roughly the same height as me (5'8") and currently weights 180 lbs. ish. I thought he looked normal, but he kept going on about how he needed to lose weight. I promptly smacked him upside his head  

I can only imagine whats its been like for women who have been bombarded with decades of this crap!


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## JoeD43 (Jun 6, 2007)

jdwhitak said:


> I think some of you misunderstood me. I'm not really talking about regular hygiene. I shower every day, wear clean clothes, etc. I talking about a shift where things that in the past were considered "women's" issues or things pertaining to women are no effecting men.
> 
> For example, in Indy there is an ad for Weightwatchers starring Dan Marino that is targeting men. In the past all weight loss program advertising was targeted towards women. Now they're going after men and giving us a weight complex. To illustrate this a guy at work came up to me and was telling me how he needed to 20 lbs. or something. He's roughly the same height as me (5'8") and currently weights 180 lbs. ish. I thought he looked normal, but he kept going on about how he needed to lose weight. I promptly smacked him upside his head
> 
> I can only imagine whats its been like for women who have been bombarded with decades of this crap!




Well, as far as those issues go, I pay little or absolutely no attention to trends and programming advertising. Im sure I've been targeted for years with that stuff in mind but I am oblivious to it


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## cammy (Jun 6, 2007)

I don't much like the Dan Marino's Weightwatcher's ad. Its insulting, implying that men are not attractive unless they look like conventional jocks.

OMG! You just made me realize that I'm not attractive because I don't look like Angelina Jolie.


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## Melian (Jun 6, 2007)

I've noticed several of my guy friends developing some classically female insecurities lately. Weight is one of them, skincare/aging is another. Hairloss is something else that has come up, although we're all in our early 20's and there is NOTHING wrong with any of their hair.

I have to say, the metrosexual thing is really unappealing. I'm ultra low maintenance and would like the guy to be on the same level. There was one metro guy who seemed ok....until he invited me over to his house for dinner. I went to use the bathroom and spied (I shit you not) between 20-30 hair/nail/skincare products lined up on a shelf by the sink; he also had some kind of "man-makeup." All I have beside my bathroom sink is toothpaste.  

So I bailed on that one and found a real man. One who knows how to relax.


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## pattycake (Jun 6, 2007)

Metrosexuality is just a way for the people who make shitloads of money out of selling women products they don't really need, to make money out of men too.
I like a man who washes, but a man obssessively counting calories, spending loads of time using different products on his skin, getting a £200 haircut, getting a spray tan, getting his eyebrows shaped, getting his chest waxed, having manicures and pedicures and spending hours and hours clothes shopping is a total turn-off. I know it's not very forward thinking, but I would seriously question his sexuality.
I remember seeing a programme where about half a dozen men in their early 20s had a botox party. They all ended up looking like creepy, weird mannequins. That kind of thing just makes me shudder. 
Shower, brush your teeth, put on some deodorant, put on clean clothes, comb your hair, wash your hands before eating and I'll be happy. Men wearing make up is fine if they're goths, but not good in any other instance.
I personally find nothing appealling about the typical 'male model' type, (but I'm into BHMs, so maybe that's something to do with it.) I like character, not some airbrushed cardboard cut out.


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## PolarKat (Jun 6, 2007)

jdwhitak said:


> For example, in Indy



See.. that's the problem right there.. You're not supposed to read "men's magazines".. you skim through the girly pics..


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## Friday (Jun 6, 2007)

No doubt it makes me bitchy, but it's kind of funny to see the shoe on the other foot for a change.


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## TCUBOB (Jun 6, 2007)

I don't pay any attention to the "men's mags" unless they're showing naked chicks or how to get comped in Vegas or something equally ridiculous and hilarious. I read crap like Maxim purely for the comedy value, as well as for the hipper-than-Sharper-Image gadget q score. That, and it makes me HOWL every time they have some flavor-of-the-month girl who "just likes nice guys" or was "awkward as a teenager" or who "only dates regular guys." Reeeeaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyy.....sure ya do.

As for that other stuff, I cut my hair and nails, I slap on a nice scent, I suit up when necessary and I it takes me 15-20 minutes maybe to go from roll out of bed to ready to roll out if I'm on the ball.

I'm a little concerned about the power alleys, but hair ain't the be-all and end-all. If it goes, it goes, and I'm not gonna hang on to long greasy spirals. Go big or go bald, that's what I say.

Am I trying to drop some pounds? Yes, but for my own reasons, not because some douchbag mag told me I need to get "cut" or have a "six pack" because I see plenty of guys who don't and they're doing just fine, it seems. I worry more about the mental game, because I know that I lack confidence and while I can talk big on a thread I get over my head in the RW in a hurry. So I guess I gotta practice and believe in me and all that other crap. If metrosexualness was about feeling and emotions and all that crap, I'd be a basket case. But as long as it stays superficial and about how guys look and what "product" they use I'm ok.

Or something like that. I dunno.


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## lemmink (Jun 7, 2007)

I used to hate metrosexuals until I ended up in a relationship with a boy who wears jewelry, dyes his hair, dresses pretty and wears lip gloss. Hee. I love it now. There's something sweet about boys who care abou this stuff.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 7, 2007)

My preference usually seems to be the way the men in my family are- 
They won't wear pink/purple/bright colors
Definitely no nail polish or male purses (lol- my daughter had a crush on some boy in school and put his picture up as her screen saver- he had on black nail polish  )
no earrings and keep the hair a certain length
no hair dye- even when they turn gray


Hey, might be "silly rules" but it is kind of my idea of masculinity now in as far as what *I* am attracted to *shrugs* 
(I don't mind longer hair in males myself though- it's sexxxxayyyyyyy sometimes  )

***Years ago, I had some gay male friends- one used to do drag shows. He always wore face make-up even when he wasn't performing. He also kept perfectly manicured hands with clear nail polish. Some of those guys could make me look better than I can make myself up. I loved them dearly as friends but any guy that shows those behaviors is definitely not a man I would be interested in sexually - probably from my experience? 
Not saying I'm right or wrong- simply sharing my preference as a female since the OP mentioned the preference of women.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 7, 2007)

Friday said:


> No doubt it makes me bitchy, but it's kind of funny to see the shoe on the other foot for a change.



Exactly- while I'm still appalled at the idea of how much the media affects us as a whole - it does make me giggly when I see the menfolk get some of the same crap we do


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Jun 7, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Exactly- while I'm still appalled at the idea of how much the media affects us as a whole - it does make me giggly when I see the menfolk get some of the same crap we do



We did talk about the changing attitude toward male images in a Women's Studies course...and yeah that mad me laugh a little.

But in the end...he best not have more products than I use...because...no way..

Well unless he wants to wear eyeliner and dress up piratey...I'll even buy him eyeliner...but d'oh he won't do it! *sigh* I'm glad I'm with a guy who doesn't even like lip gloss or most lotions..sometimes...I may attack him one night with some moisturizer when he's not looking at least on his feet.

But yeah it's kinda funny to see that commericals are geared toward male insecurity rather than female...and the dove ads trying to get women to see that we're all good...uhhh....what's going on? lol


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 7, 2007)

^^I dated a guy that had lotion AND candles in his apartment- I admit that it gave me pause for a second.....:blush: 
but when he used the lotion to massage me by candle light, it was all good


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## BLUEeyedBanshee (Jun 7, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> ^^I dated a guy that had lotion AND candles in his apartment- I admit that it gave me pause for a second.....:blush:
> but when he used the lotion to massage me by candle light, it was all good



Oh he'll use lotion on me...but on his dry feet...nope...doesn't like the feel of it...blah blah blah...lol


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## TCUBOB (Jun 7, 2007)

I'll use lotion on my hands and arms during winter to keep them from peeling, and I totally need to exfoliate my feet and elbows and probably lotion them as well. But unless a woman pushed me to do that, I probably won't.....I'm not worried about what my skin like women are, possibly because I'm not bombarded with ads about how my skin needs to be as soft as a baby's bottom.

I will use lotion for massage, but baby oil or a scent is better.


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## lucyp (Jun 9, 2007)

The rugby players down here have taken up eyeliner.
http://www.rugbyheaven.smh.com.au/articles/2004/11/04/1099547315402.html

...I'm always pleased when gender constructions get broken down and then everyone ends up with more choices. Trousers for girls (and boys) and eyeliner for boys (and girls) is A-okay with me.


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## TCUBOB (Jun 9, 2007)

I will confess to wanting to go blonde. Shoulda done it back in college when I could experiment like that.


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## ffaboots (Jun 9, 2007)

I've been thinking about this ever since I saw an ad for men's wrinkle cream. It makes me happy because the sooner they start making it not okay for men to age or gain weight, the sooner we'll all realize it's total bullshit invented to make us spend money on crap we don't really need.


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## TCUBOB (Jun 10, 2007)

Sorry, but I think it's always going to be "not ok" for women to age or gain weight. And as much as they try to force that on men, I think that there are enough men out there who won't put up with that happy horseshit that it won't stick. I have a real difficultly with trying to envision a Southern diner full of good ol' boys and long-haul truckers worried about their beer guts. I can totally see a hair salon full of women mocking other women behind their backs about the growing size of their ass or belly or their flabby arms or thighs.

Hate to say it, but I think y'all are stuck with this one.


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## blubrluvr (Jun 10, 2007)

Back in college was quite handsome and had a reputation for being a good dresser. I had a bit of a artsy sense of taste. My shyness and FA preference also led some women (and a fair number of men) to believe I was gay. Getting hit on by gays was no fun for me.

While we were dating, my wife always marveled at how nicely my home was decorated. I'm still a little obsessive about decorating and she often jokes that I have "Christopher Lowell" moments from time to time.

Nah, most of today's Metros are poseurs. No real sense of taste. They're mostly Neo-Yuppie materialist bozos. Today's Metro men like touting the fact they have Viking stoves in their kitchens, but they don't really know how to cook. Was a time it was about an artistic sense of good taste, now it's just conspicuous consumption.

I'm bald and fat now but I still amaze those around me with my good taste. My wardrobe is the absolute antithesis of the Metro stereotype. I no longer look like someone who could be on the cover of GQ so I don't see the sense in trying to dress like it. Even if i did, I wouldn't care.

True Metro is a state of mind.


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## Ned Sonntag (Jun 10, 2007)

Back in '78 I was a Mott the Hoople fan...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 10, 2007)

TCUBOB said:


> Sorry, but I think it's always going to be "not ok" for women to age or gain weight. * And as much as they try to force that on men, I think that there are enough men out there who won't put up with that happy horseshit that it won't stick. * I have a real difficultly with trying to envision a Southern diner full of good ol' boys and long-haul truckers worried about their beer guts. I can totally see a hair salon full of women mocking other women behind their backs about the growing size of their ass or belly or their flabby arms or thighs.
> *
> Hate to say it, but I think y'all are stuck with this one*.



I am getting ready to agree and disagree with you now......
You're correct, women shouldn't try to "force that on men"- it's wrong in either direction.
I do have to disagree about the "stuck with it" part. We "allow" that "happy horseshit" to be stuck on us is the main root of the problem, IMO. When women stop accepting the pile of shit handed to us, stop undercutting each other ,finally learn to accept ourselves how we are and quit trying to fit into some mold modeled by advertisers and Hollywood for their own personal gain, then things might finally be "equal". It's up to women- and no, we aren't stuck with jack shit, IMO.


**Don't piss me off and get me going off with a feminist rant Bob. I'll cut your garden hose off.


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## superodalisque (Jun 10, 2007)

i love it when men take care of themselves and dress well. this doesn't mean that he has to be thin. i just love it when a guy is well put together. and i take it as a compliment when a guy tries to please me with the way he looks. it also says to me that maybe he is a bit hedonistic and likes to savor life. its fine with me as long as it isn't an obsession. if he takes care of business he is still a "real" man.


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## TCUBOB (Jun 10, 2007)

Ummm, that was kinda what I meant I just didn't say it. It was more like I don't see women as a whole embracing the changes necessary for them to "break out" from the "norm" that has been forced on them. It would be nice if they DID....but unless I'm missing a groundswell....then you are kinda stuck with it until you change it......

Cut off the hose at your own risk. Plus, what makes you think I'd let you get close enough to bob Bob, so to speak?  

.....you don't bite the hand that feeds you.... 



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I am getting ready to agree and disagree with you now......
> 
> I do have to disagree about the "stuck with it" part. We "allow" that "happy horseshit" to be stuck on us is the main root of the problem, IMO. When women stop accepting the pile of shit handed to us, stop undercutting each other ,finally learn to accept ourselves how we are and quit trying to fit into some mold modeled by advertisers and Hollywood for their own personal gain, then things might finally be "equal". It's up to women- and no, we aren't stuck with jack shit, IMO.
> 
> ...


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## lucyp (Jun 10, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> When women stop accepting the pile of shit handed to us, stop undercutting each other ,finally learn to accept ourselves how we are and quit trying to fit into some mold modeled by advertisers and Hollywood for their own personal gain, then things might finally be "equal".



I agree with you, Green Eyed Fairy. I think there are lots of women who are no longer buying into the corporate mainstream ideal of beauty and are no longer judging people based on superficials (while still enjoying playing with such superficials as eyeliner on occasion). There's lots of them right here obviously. And I'm open to society extending the beauty toys to those guys who wish to play with them, while not forcing such toys on those who do not wish to play.

And, BOB, you say, "Sorry, but I think it's always going to be "not ok" for women to age or gain weight." ...It's a size acceptance site you're posting on. Obviously it's okay with thousands of people here. The cool thing about human society is that we do, eventually, change.


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## TCUBOB (Jun 11, 2007)

I hope that you are correct.....but again.....unless you start marching through the streets with torches made out of Cosmo and Mary Jane and Elle, I'm just saying that you have a formidable task. Now pass me a six foot stick, some lighter fluid, and let's have us a good ol' fashioned mob/fashion mag burning!!!!



lucyp said:


> I agree with you, Green Eyed Fairy. I think there are lots of women who are no longer buying into the corporate mainstream ideal of beauty and are no longer judging people based on superficials (while still enjoying playing with such superficials as eyeliner on occasion). There's lots of them right here obviously. And I'm open to society extending the beauty toys to those guys who wish to play with them, while not forcing such toys on those who do not wish to play.
> 
> And, BOB, you say, "Sorry, but I think it's always going to be "not ok" for women to age or gain weight." ...It's a size acceptance site you're posting on. Obviously it's okay with thousands of people here. The cool thing about human society is that we do, eventually, change.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 11, 2007)

TCUBOB said:


> I hope that you are correct.....but again.....unless you start marching through the streets with torches made out of Cosmo and Mary Jane and Elle, I'm just saying that you have a formidable task. Now pass me a six foot stick, some lighter fluid, and let's have us a good ol' fashioned mob/fashion mag burning!!!!



You redeemed yourself by saying we should burn that shitmag Cosmo.....

Your hose is safe with me, guy......


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## TCUBOB (Jun 12, 2007)

Well, except for the quizzes....those freakin' crack me up! Pointless, vacuous, yet highly entertaining all at once.


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## PrettyKitty (Jun 14, 2007)

I never liked it. Of course I like a man to be clean and dress nicely but when it gets to the point of makeup, shaping the brows and waxing every part of the body until there's almost no skin either?

No.


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