# ...He knows.



## Love.Metal (Jan 28, 2009)

My normal, skinny, nice, adoring, funny, intelligent boyfriend of 7 months has discovered that I love fat men...

Crap.

We were texting, and he mentioned that he's running every night now [I did not know this until tonight], and I expressed dismay[obviously]. 
He said he wants to lose the 20 pounds he's gained in the last 7 months, because he doesn't like how he looks. Well, my heart dropped upon reading that...and dumb me, I told him that makes me sad.

That turned into a text-convo about how he thinks I need to support him in his quest to love his body, and I agreed with him...I think that we all need to accept our outer selves, although in reality it's just what holds our insides in. I just prefer a larger inside-holder-thingy. <---intelligent.

So he finally texts me:
"I'm not fat, nor do I wanna be EVER so I guess you fell for the wrong guy".

I...almost threw up.
So I am now having a few drinks. 

That somehow turned into me not being in love with him, and so on and so forth *drama drama drama*
All this, our relationship is hanging by it's final thread, and he's unsure if he even wants to be with me anymore...because he found out I like fat men. I know he's suspected it, I mean...I try SO HARD to be subtle and "normal"...but I fail epicly at that, apparently. And really, I'm just bi-sizual...but I was too upset to tell him that. It isn't like it would matter, "Sorry honey, yes I like fat guys, but I like skinny guys, too!"
That doesn't erase the fact that I am attracted to obese men. 
I think that the concept of me being bi-sizual would be lost on him.

So...

...shit.


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## Uriel (Jan 28, 2009)

Oh sweety, I am so sorry. I know that my posts are usually terribly long and verbose, but all I have at this point is empathy for one of the nicest young ladies that I have had the pleasure of talking to on here.

Hugs


-Uriel


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jan 28, 2009)

I guess from his stand point it coulda been worse like "i really like black guys" and he was white,because you can't change that one...well unless there was a way to pull a reverse Jacko or bust out like C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man... Ok,I'm rambling.

Sorry to hear that.


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## Love.Metal (Jan 28, 2009)

Uriel said:


> Oh sweety, I am so sorry. I know that my posts are usually terribly long and verbose, but all I have at this point is empathy for one of the nicest young ladies that I have had the pleasure of talking to on here.
> 
> Hugs
> 
> ...



Thanks, love. That totally made me smile xP
*hugs back*



WhiteHotRazor said:


> I guess from his stand point it coulda been worse like "i really like black guys" and he was white,because you can't change that one...well unless there was a way to pull a reverse Jacko or bust out like C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man... Ok,I'm rambling.
> 
> Sorry to hear that.



...leave it to you to find an "it could have been worse" scenario...ahaha.
He is, actually, very white...but I don't have anymore bombshells to drop on him at this point...so the "I like black guys" conversation won't be happening.
Although it might not hurt anything now. 
Thanks ;]


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## kinkykitten (Jan 28, 2009)

Awwww.. I hope you two can work something out chick <3

He is a handsome guy by the way... very nice catch!!  (and that is coming from a gal who is very rarely bisizual!) lol


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## Hole (Jan 28, 2009)

Love.Metal said:


> My normal, skinny, nice, adoring, funny, intelligent boyfriend of 7 months has discovered that I love fat men...
> 
> Crap.
> 
> ...



Hey Sarah Beth. From my experience, not many say and do the right things when they're upset. He needs to calm down. Let him know you are ready to talk and listen but give him his space. Then you can bring up the things you love about him, including his body.Bring up your favourite part and describe how sexy it is. OKay, that wasn't supposed to sound pervy..you know what I mean.Let him know that even though you do find big men attractive, you want him in every way and he fulfills you. I think this might have made him feel not good enough so what he needs right now is reassurance. I'm not going to tell you to give up because only you know if he is worth it. Good luck girl. My heart goes out to you. He said 'I guess you fell for the wrong guy'.. I'm guessing he needs to hear ' You are the right guy.'


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## KnottyOne (Jan 28, 2009)

Oh wow kid, I'm really sorry to hear this. But I mean you really should look at the bigger picture in this whole thing, I don't mean to be a downer and all that but I mean if it's making this much of an effect on things maybe it's better to just let it all pass and move on. I mean even though you are bi-sizual (something I have been yelled at about being too more times then I care to count) he doesn't want to be what you really want. He doesn't want to be bigger, and it sounds like he feels he is being pressured to become something he doesn't want to be. It might be best to tell him that you don't care, it's only a preference and that you have feelings for him, because you obviously seem to. If those feelings are shared, he should be able to understand that everyone has their idea of the perfect physical mate, but people are willing to put that aside for someone that can overcome it. You should let him know that it is a preference, not a requirement, ask him if you are physically his ideal, and have him search himself to see if the feelings are there, and he can understand that flesh is just flesh, not the person. Hope it all works out for you, I'm pulling for ya.


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## Ninja Glutton (Jan 28, 2009)

You are a sweetheart and a saint. I hope everything works out for you because you are an amazing person, a tender, loving, dedicated, adorable girl who is always striving to be selfless in her relationships. I admire you as a person and a contributor to this site. Keep your chin up, beautiful. I'd give you a hug if my arms were long enough to stretch across the continental divide.

Much love,

- Zach


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jan 28, 2009)

(insert advice here) 

at least you busted out with some honesty. 

I've said this before, IMO compatibility is more about what you don't like in a person then what you do, and the things that you don't like you have to ask yourself "can i deal with that" and apparently he has to ask himself that question.


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## escapist (Jan 28, 2009)

Being a big guy, and knowing the benefits of even dropping 20 lbs for me is huge. I am very bi-sizual I'm so torn when someone I'm into wants to lose even when I know they will look great smaller. I tend to be happy with them doing it just cause its something they feel they need to do for themselves. 

...and didn't anybody teach him that when you pull back you often tend to make the other person run after you:doh:? Oooooorrrrr Maybe he knows this and its all part of his master plan!  :happy:

Good Luck!


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## SoliloquyOfaSiren (Jan 28, 2009)

hey hun, don't think you rly like me too much but I can totally relate with you. My last boyfriend was a bodybuilder, I mean it killed me as well that he spent hours on end at the gym and would nearly live on protein shakes alone to keep his body fat at 3 percent. 

I reccomend you sit him down and try to explain this bi-sizual thing to him. You're thin....if you were fat he would still love you right? Tell him you prefer this, but are fine with him at any size. Especially if he wants to do this for health reasons or so he can feel better about himself. Not everyone is strong enough to be comfortable with their extra weight. If this is what he rly wants to do, show him you support him and let him know you will be there no matter what his size. 

Sorry its early here...if you need to talk my aim is bloodyrhapsody11. Hope you feel better hun, I rly do.


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## Melian (Jan 28, 2009)

Fuck....I know your exact feeling. From experience, this situation will either blow over REALLY fast, as in "next day or two," or it will drag on forever until you eventually dump him. So if he doesn't engage in a decent discussion with you (one that actually resolves things) by the end of this week....I'd say it was never meant to be.

And honestly, he's been pushing it, lately. I'm not saying he's doing something wrong by wanting to be thin - it's his body - BUT he could say that to you in a way that doesn't make you want to kill yourself. That plus the fucking roommate thing.....yeah. 

*hugs*

You know where to find me if you need to vent.


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Jan 28, 2009)

If he's gonna be an asshole because you happen to be attracted to something that's not him... then it's his loss. 

If you really want it to continue with him, you could always pull the whole: I love fat men, but I love you enough that I don't need you to be fat. But I guess that's if you want to continue it with him. 

But after hearing about his shenanigans living with that other girl, and now this... I don't think he deserves you. It's always hard to end a relationship (and I'm not suggesting you end it or anything), but it sounds like he's just going to continue bein' an ass. 

Either way, ya know you can text me whenever to vent. After all, I vent to you about shit that's annoying me, it's only fair you can do the same.


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## Cors (Jan 28, 2009)

Oh no! 

I agree with what the others said. Wait and see if it blows over and think things through in the meantime. 

Whatever you do, don't backpedal and tell him you are not attracted to fat men just to placate him. You did mention that he has serious jealousy issues and can't even stand you meeting your best male friend, so no matter how much you reassure him, some part of him will probably always be paranoid. Knowing that you are into fat men probably fuels that fear. :/ 

I hope the flatmate issue got resolved too.


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## Wagimawr (Jan 28, 2009)

His habit of jumping to the worst possible conclusion, whether it's in regards to your friends or your taste in, well, him, CANNOT bode well for your future relationship.

Just saying.


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## Molly (Jan 28, 2009)

I'm really sorry to hear that. That sucks, that really sucks. All in all, its better to just get your feelings out on the table about it. He needs to understand who you are, and what you like. If you are still crazy about him, big or no, he needs to know and accept it or move on.

I can honestly say I know how it feels to be honest with someone and have them FREAK out on you for it. Thats the reason I took over 5 years to come out and damn well admit it to my husband. We just went through something like this two weeks ago. He told me that he wants to get in shape again and he told me he wants my support. I had to (finally) come out and say that I preferred him bigger. After all, ever since he put on weight the sex just keeps getting better. I told him all this and that I love him regardless, but I just can't get excited about helping him loose weight. I'll help him, fine... but I won't be ecstatic about it, rather the opposite. So we had a HUGE argument that ended with him asking if I will still love him and want to make love with him if he's in good shape. Of course I'll still love him, I can't bloody well stop loving him, thats silly. But, man was that a horrible conversation to have. 
I expect that all relationships have these kinds of hurdles though. Either you have to jump, or quit the race. What I mean is, if he's important to you, you'll find a way to talk it through together. I hope for the best for you and your man. Sometimes relationships just get really difficult.

As for me, I don't think I could stop loving my man if I tried. But sometimes I think I would be better off repressing my love/lust for obese men again, put my sexual identity and feelings waaaay back deep down inside me and forget they ever existed. 

Thanks for sharing your feelings and giving me a chance to share mine.


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## Tad (Jan 28, 2009)

Molly said:


> . But sometimes I think I would be better off repressing my love/lust for obese men again, put my sexual identity and feelings waaaay back deep down inside me and forget they ever existed.



If you ever figure out how to do that, please visit one last time and share the secret, OK? (And hopefully the secret won't be gender specific!) In other words, tried that, didn't work for me. 

I do my best to compartmentalize now, letting my fat loving side out at Dims to run around and get some air, then shoving it back in the box as best I can the rest of the time.


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## Molly (Jan 28, 2009)

Sigh... I know your right Edx. Thank goodness there's this place.


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## Love.Metal (Jan 28, 2009)

KnottyOne said:


> Oh wow kid, I'm really sorry to hear this. But I mean you really should look at the bigger picture in this whole thing, I don't mean to be a downer and all that but I mean if it's making this much of an effect on things maybe it's better to just let it all pass and move on. I mean even though you are bi-sizual (something I have been yelled at about being too more times then I care to count) he doesn't want to be what you really want. He doesn't want to be bigger, and it sounds like he feels he is being pressured to become something he doesn't want to be. It might be best to tell him that you don't care, it's only a preference and that you have feelings for him, because you obviously seem to. If those feelings are shared, he should be able to understand that everyone has their idea of the perfect physical mate, but people are willing to put that aside for someone that can overcome it. You should let him know that it is a preference, not a requirement, ask him if you are physically his ideal, and have him search himself to see if the feelings are there, and he can understand that flesh is just flesh, not the person. Hope it all works out for you, I'm pulling for ya.



Like I told you last night, this was very insightful and helpful :]
You are now my life-counselor. 
Thanks, Luv.



Ninja Glutton said:


> You are a sweetheart and a saint. I hope everything works out for you because you are an amazing person, a tender, loving, dedicated, adorable girl who is always striving to be selfless in her relationships. I admire you as a person and a contributor to this site. Keep your chin up, beautiful. I'd give you a hug if my arms were long enough to stretch across the continental divide.
> 
> Much love,
> 
> - Zach



Oh goodness, that was beautiful.
Thank you, that was a helluva ego-boost, which is great because this whole situation has kinda left me feeling rather down. 
Thank you thank you thank you, Darling ;]
And since all that was coming from you, it means even more.



WhiteHotRazor said:


> (insert advice here)
> 
> at least you busted out with some honesty.
> 
> I've said this before, IMO compatibility is more about what you don't like in a person then what you do, and the things that you don't like you have to ask yourself "can i deal with that" and apparently he has to ask himself that question.



Yeah, I felt like I was gonna explode there for awhile, it's hard keeping something like that quiet for so long!! I'm sure many people on here can relate. 
I mean, I only kept it under-wraps for 7 months, but still...it's important to be honest about your preferences. I'm a big believer in speaking your truth, and I guess it was about time for me to walk the walk on that one.



escapist said:


> Being a big guy, and knowing the benefits of even dropping 20 lbs for me is huge. I am very bi-sizual I'm so torn when someone I'm into wants to lose even when I know they will look great smaller. I tend to be happy with them doing it just cause its something they feel they need to do for themselves.
> 
> ...and didn't anybody teach him that when you pull back you often tend to make the other person run after you:doh:? Oooooorrrrr Maybe he knows this and its all part of his master plan!  :happy:
> 
> Good Luck!



Thanks, I hope that one of us figures it out soon...I think we both need to pull our emotions away from our brains and think about what it is we really want...beyond physicality [obviously].



SoliloquyOfaSiren said:


> hey hun, don't think you rly like me too much but I can totally relate with you. My last boyfriend was a bodybuilder, I mean it killed me as well that he spent hours on end at the gym and would nearly live on protein shakes alone to keep his body fat at 3 percent.
> 
> I reccomend you sit him down and try to explain this bi-sizual thing to him. You're thin....if you were fat he would still love you right? Tell him you prefer this, but are fine with him at any size. Especially if he wants to do this for health reasons or so he can feel better about himself. Not everyone is strong enough to be comfortable with their extra weight. If this is what he rly wants to do, show him you support him and let him know you will be there no matter what his size.
> 
> Sorry its early here...if you need to talk my aim is bloodyrhapsody11. Hope you feel better hun, I rly do.



Um, well at the beginning of our relationship, he said that if I was fat, he wouldn't have been attracted to me...like, even though our personalities compliment each others well. But now, 7 months into it, and he has told me that he no longer cares what I look like, because it's gotten deep enough were he appreciates me as an individual, not just a sweet ass [his words].
Thanks.



Melian said:


> Fuck....I know your exact feeling. From experience, this situation will either blow over REALLY fast, as in "next day or two," or it will drag on forever until you eventually dump him. So if he doesn't engage in a decent discussion with you (one that actually resolves things) by the end of this week....I'd say it was never meant to be.
> 
> And honestly, he's been pushing it, lately. I'm not saying he's doing something wrong by wanting to be thin - it's his body - BUT he could say that to you in a way that doesn't make you want to kill yourself. That plus the fucking roommate thing.....yeah.
> 
> ...



Haha, this boy's on your shit-list already.
Honestly, I agree with you 100%. He should have until next week to make something constructive come out of this, or it's just going to be a slow, painful crumbling after that.
You just went through this about a month ago, so you would know better than most what the game-plan should be.
Thanks, I may call upon your royal hotness for some pep-talk and naughty exchanges *wink*



MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> If he's gonna be an asshole because you happen to be attracted to something that's not him... then it's his loss.
> 
> If you really want it to continue with him, you could always pull the whole: I love fat men, but I love you enough that I don't need you to be fat. But I guess that's if you want to continue it with him.
> 
> ...



Thanks, MB. 
I thought that he would have taken it as a compliment that I'm willing/able to look past something that I'm so attracted to since I'm with him. It says a lot for how I feel about him, I think. 
But he's just butt-hurt because he thinks I'm trying to control his appearance or something, which is ludicrous, I'm not going to become some sort of body-nazi. 
I just don't want him to make me feel shitty for something that I can't control. You know how it is xP

Thanks, texting very well may occur in moments of extreme frustration. 

<3



Cors said:


> Oh no!
> 
> I agree with what the others said. Wait and see if it blows over and think things through in the meantime.
> 
> ...



Funny thing is, I was totally tempted to backpedal and say "Just kidding!"
But I have to be true to myself and my needs, because god knows I've been very lenient with him on tons of shit...you'd think I could get a little understanding in return!! 

Thanks ;]



Wagimawr said:


> His habit of jumping to the worst possible conclusion, whether it's in regards to your friends or your taste in, well, him, CANNOT bode well for your future relationship.
> 
> Just saying.



Yeah, he does tend to immediately come up with a terrible scenario in his head, he's admitted to that. And while I think that it stems from him being burned so many times; that is most definitely not an excuse for his reactionary behavior. 
I agree with you.


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## Esther (Jan 28, 2009)

Girl, I am so sorry to hear that. I hope you two can work things out.


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## WillSpark (Jan 28, 2009)

Well damn. You know what? I think the best thing truly is to tell him how you do like him as himself as well. Let him know that you will support him, no matter what, if it's what he does want. Just remember, we all love you, too!

I do have one thing though. No matter what, just make sure you don't go out, get hammered, and come home and heave on your keyboard, or else we'll all end up depressed.


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## FALAA (Jan 28, 2009)

I know how that conversation went... This just happened to me not even a week ago. Things are kind of okay right now but I know this topic is far from being over. I know for me things will get worse for a while but I really do hope I can fix this. It's really tough having someone be so upset with you about something you can't change and already said, but it did feel very nice to finally be honest.


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## chicken legs (Jan 28, 2009)

Love.Metal said:


> Um. But now, 7 months into it, and he has told me that he no longer cares what I look like, because it's gotten deep enough were he appreciates me as an individual, not just a sweet ass [his words].
> Thanks.
> 
> 
> .



Wow..lol...he sound like a real asshole...he must really be good in bed


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## rabbitislove (Jan 28, 2009)

From what it sounds like he's a total tool.
Cut the thread man and find some gorgious fatties, or at least a skinny guy who doesnt whine so much.


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## Love.Metal (Jan 28, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> Wow..lol...he sound like a real asshole...*he must really be good in bed*




Naw, he's not an asshole, he was being silly. 
He really doesn't care what I look like, he thinks I look good no matter what.

But yes--yes he is, to answer your assumption xP


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## kinkykitten (Jan 29, 2009)

WillSpark said:


> I do have one thing though. No matter what, just make sure you don't go out, get hammered, and come home and heave on your keyboard, or else we'll all end up depressed.



That's definately some sound advice lol


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## likeitmatters (Jan 29, 2009)

I wonder what he would say if you told him, sorry honey I am not into your body anymore and lets be friends instead?

I bet he would be out the door and to the next person. But seriously, I am a former encourager who loved men who were big or even bigger but when I lost my former partner to death due to be overweight and going through gastric bypass it made me realize that I dont want someone to grow but work out and have some extra meat on the bones but healthy...You need to find a man who is "eye candy" to you and will satisfy your needs...


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## JiminOR (Jan 29, 2009)

Combined with the roommate thing (that was you, right), this guy sounds like a real winner.

You're a very pretty girl, you could have practically any bhm you wanted.

Just sayin.


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## Love.Metal (Jan 30, 2009)

likeitmatters said:


> I wonder what he would say if you told him, sorry honey I am not into your body anymore and lets be friends instead?
> 
> I bet he would be out the door and to the next person.
> *snipped*
> You need to find a man who is "eye candy" to you and will satisfy your needs...



I actually walked out on him and was in my car, leaving [different, unrelated spat...the drama is knee-deep here in Oly] when he called me and said to come back so that we could talk it out. I'm a little too eager to get out of relationships, because my last one ended in a big puddle of suck. So I tend to high-tail it at the first sign of trouble. Not an admirable trait, I know. 
But I agree with you...he's still a guy, and still needs to prove that he is faithful and attracted only to me. I do think that he would be on to the next vagina who walked by...but I think he would be driven only by primal instincts, I know that he loves me. But I don't think he would say no to anyone if we ended it. 
Thank you for your insight, Darling :]
Cheers to your current relationship!!!

<3




JiminOR said:


> Combined with the roommate thing (that was you, right), this guy sounds like a real winner.
> 
> You're a very pretty girl, you could have practically any bhm you wanted.
> 
> Just sayin.



Haha, yep, that was yours truly. 
We have definitely had our struggles, what couple doesn't. 
They just seem to all be popping up in sequence, one after the other. 
We've only been together 7 months, and for the first 5 and a half, everything was perfect. So there was bound to be some shit we needed to wade through after awhile.
We both knew that...it just seems to all be hitting in some pretty big areas. 
I do understand how it could be hard to hear that you're dating someone who isn't into your body type; if he told me he was into [for example] pygmies, big girls, or albinos with an extra toe, I'd feel a little insecure for sure.
But I'd also feel flattered that he fell for me anyways, despite his preferences. I think that would say a lot for my personality, and his regard for my character. 

*shrugs*
I rambled.
Thanks for the reply, sorry my reply was so long [unwarranted, for sure].


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## Canonista (Jan 30, 2009)

Love.Metal said:


> My normal, skinny, nice, adoring, funny, intelligent boyfriend of 7 months has discovered that I love fat men...
> 
> Crap.
> 
> ...



Would you rather figure this out now, or after you're legally bound to him with a child or two?

Dating is where you get to filter out incompatible people. As a (divorced) man who married the wrong person I can promise you that these little red flags will become big issues during a marriage. I'm glad it's out in the open now instead of after you two tied the knot.


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## kayrae (Jan 30, 2009)

I hope it works out for the best. As a BBW, I keep thinking what would it be like if my "man" was really into skinny chicks... I'd be insecure, too. Everyone here has made some really good points. I just wanted to join the chorus of well-wishers.


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## Wantabelly (Jan 30, 2009)

You have so much support here and there is nothing new I can say that someone hasn't already said.... so just pitching in to make you feel super super supported... You are smart and you will figure your way through this, with or without him <3 <3


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## MasterShake (Jan 30, 2009)

Love.Metal said:


> But I agree with you...he's still a guy, and still needs to prove that he is faithful and attracted only to me. I do think that he would be on to the next vagina who walked by...but I think he would be driven only by primal instincts, I know that he loves me. But I don't think he would say no to anyone if we ended it.


My big mouth feels it must be said, so my apologies in advance, but he just sounds like a jerk who's getting off on the power he holds over you.

I hope he's not using (or you're not using) his "guyness" as an excuse for his behavior. I understand people will sometimes try to move on quickly after a crappy breakup, but if he's willing to go into immediate "hit it" mode, I don't think that's a guy thing as much as a douchebag thing.

My apologies for being nosy, not knowing the situation, etc. I just felt compelled to say it's crappy when people use their gender to excuse their behavior.


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jan 30, 2009)

"and he hates old people and dogs"


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## RentonBob (Jan 30, 2009)

WhiteHotRazor said:


> "and he hates old people and dogs"



Tried to rep for the Tin Cup reference but I gotta spread some around before I can getcha again :doh:


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jan 30, 2009)

^thanks man, I was wondering if anyone would get that.


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