# Non Sequitur



## Fuzzy (Jan 28, 2006)

In reference to the Icky Girl Stuff Thread.. let me just say that I'm really really really glad I'm a guy.


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## AnnMarie (Jan 28, 2006)

Always nice to have something that slaps you across the kisser and reminds you of that, yes??


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## Angel (Jan 28, 2006)

Fuzzy said:


> In reference to the Icky Girl Stuff Thread.. let me just say that I'm really really really glad I'm a guy.



LOL. Just think, though.... 

Females don't have to be embarrassed (or somehow try to hide the fact!) if they become aroused in gym, or while in public, or among friends, or on a first date, etc.

Females don't wake up with their undies glued to their bodies!  

Females aren't told to drop their pants and *cough* while strange cold hands are near the family jewels during a routine physical examination.

Females aren't ever given girlie magazines and a tiny plastic cup, and then directed into a room, all the while knowing that a female nurse is patiently waiting for the specimen and she could possibly hear any noises made!

Females don't have to worry about having a premature ejaculation or the possible embarrassment it may bring.

Females (themselves) don't normally experience erectile disfunction.

Females may forget to zip their pants, but it could be much more embarrassing if a male forgets!

I'm sure I'll think of more later! lol


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## LarryTheShiveringChipmunk (Jan 28, 2006)

hooray for being a guy! hooray for my penis!


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## Jes (Jan 28, 2006)

LarryTheShiveringChipmunk said:


> hooray for being a guy! hooray for my penis!



you're humping your own cankle right now, aren't you?


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## toni (Jan 28, 2006)

Angel said:


> Females (themselves) don't normally experience erectile disfunction.



That is right!!! We are always ready to go, we don't have to think about it at all. GO FEMALES!!!!


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## Totmacher (Jan 28, 2006)

Oh yeah? Well, most males don't get inundated with undesired, "attention"




wait, is there isn't a guy version of, "undesired attention," is there?


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## Angel (Jan 28, 2006)

LarryTheShiveringChipmunk said:


> hooray for being a guy! hooray for my penis!



There was a conversation among female friends, and we were discussing the pros and cons of being females and what we thought the pros and cons would be *if* we could be a male. I think as a whole we touched on almost every possibility and subject, as to each of our comfort levels. When all was said and done, every female agreed. Even with all the icky stuff and the labor pains, etc., every woman said that she would rather be a woman. One of the points I thought was interesting was that almost every woman mentioned that they would not want to have the responsibilities that men face today. So, yeah, most women do realise the pressures you guys deal with.


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## Angel (Jan 28, 2006)

Totmacher said:


> Oh yeah? Well, most males don't get inundated with undesired, "attention"
> 
> 
> 
> wait, is there isn't a guy version of, "undesired attention," is there?



I'm not sure if men would admit that here, or not. I've had a couple of my male friends say that it does happen to them sometimes. One guy said that he felt like an object, that women only wanted him for sex. 

Then there are the David-Letterman-stalker psychos.... and the Fatal Attraction psychos... :shocked:


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## Jane (Jan 28, 2006)

LarryTheShiveringChipmunk said:


> hooray for being a guy! hooray for my penis!


I have a male friend who swears it isn't "penis envy" as much as "spigot envy."


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## extra_fat_guy (Jan 28, 2006)

I am sure there is stuff guys can talk about that make women glad that they are not men, so I think it goes both ways.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Jan 28, 2006)

Angel said:


> Females don't wake up with their undies glued to their bodies!


Uh... they don't?

** BB frantically dials 12 or her closest girlfriends **


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## Angel (Jan 28, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Uh... they don't?
> 
> ** BB frantically dials 12 or her closest girlfriends **



Lol, there's a slight difference between feminine moisture and _glued_

Personally, those types of dreams usually occur right before I wake up, or they _wake_ me up. If the dream is really good, I try to go back to sleep so I can finish the dream! *giggles* If I can't fall back asleep immediately, I imagine my own ending! Fireworks included!


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## Jes (Jan 28, 2006)

Totmacher said:


> Oh yeah? Well, most males don't get inundated with undesired, "attention"
> 
> 
> 
> wait, is there isn't a guy version of, "undesired attention," is there?



You ever been in a Turkish prison, Totty?


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## Jes (Jan 28, 2006)

Angel said:
 

> There was a conversation among female friends, and we were discussing the pros and cons of being females and what we thought the pros and cons would be *if* we could be a male. I think as a whole we touched on almost every possibility and subject, as to each of our comfort levels. When all was said and done, every female agreed. Even with all the icky stuff and the labor pains, etc., every woman said that she would rather be a woman. One of the points I thought was interesting was that almost every woman mentioned that they would not want to have the responsibilities that men face today. So, yeah, most women do realise the pressures you guys deal with.



I wouldn't want to face their limitations. That guy-guy code of no emotion, little sharing, not connection emotionally (or showing it). Eh. No thanks. 

(and yes, these are socialized behaviors, i'm not essentializing them)


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## mejix (Jan 28, 2006)

Angel said:


> Females don't have to be embarrassed (or somehow try to hide the fact!) if they become aroused in gym, or while in public, or among friends, or on a first date, etc.l



erection in a public place? just think about the hurricane season. hehehe 

to be honest i've never really worried much about any of the samples above. most are kind of exceptional experiences or no big deal. didn't zip my pants? hell if its summer maybe i did that on purpose. hehehe


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## Fuzzy (Jan 31, 2006)

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?


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## Jack Skellington (Jan 31, 2006)

Jes said:


> You ever been in a Turkish prison, Totty?



"Do you like movies about gladiators?"


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## Totmacher (Jan 31, 2006)

No, only American prisons... Are the Turkish ones co-ed or something?

I don't mind feeling like an object much until the novelty wears off, and that's only happened once so maybe it was a fluke


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## Jes (Jan 31, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> "Do you like movies about gladiators?"






PANTS


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## Miss Vickie (Jan 31, 2006)

_The Penis Song (Monty Python)

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis, 
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? 
It's swell to have a stiffy, 
It's divine to own a dick, 
From the tiniest little tadger, 
To the world's biggest prick. 

So three cheers for your Will or John Thomas, 
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake, 
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, 
Your percy or your cock, 
You can wrap it up in ribbons, 
You can slip it in your sock, 
But don't take it out in public, 
or they will stick you in the dock, 
And you won't come back._

Ladies, I think it's time we had a female equivalent to this song, don't you?


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 31, 2006)

Fuzzy said:


> If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?



What makes you think lingerie has anything to do with love???????????


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## Boteroesque Babe (Jan 31, 2006)

Miss Vickie said:


> Ladies, I think it's time we had a female equivalent to this song, don't you?


While Ted Nugent and Marianne Faithfull have tried, that song has no peer, Vickie. Thanks for giving me a massive, engorged, glistening smile.


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## Carrie (Jan 31, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> While Ted Nugent and Marianne Faithfull have tried, that song has no peer, Vickie. Thanks for giving me a massive, engorged, glistening smile.



Penis Envy
by Uncle Bonsai

If I had a penis I'd wear it outside
In cafes and carlots with pomp and with pride
If I had a penis I'd pamper it proper
I'd stay in the tub and use me as a stopper
If I had a penis I'd take it to parties
Stretch it and stroke it and shove it at smarties
I'd take it to pet shows and teach it to stay
I'd stuff it in turkeys on thanksgiving day

I'd rival my buddies in sportscars and stickshifts
I'd shower my spire with girlies and gifts
I'd peek around corners
I'd aim at my toilet
I'd poke it at foreigners
And soap it and oil it

If I had a penis I'd run to my mother
Comb out the hair and compare it to brother
I'd lance her, I'd knight her, my hands would endulge
Pants would seem tighter and buckle and bulge

A penis to plunder, a penis to push
Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me, a penis to share...
To pick up and play with when nobody's there

I'd sit like a guy, I'd straddle the chair
I'd play with my fly, albeit with care
I'd dip it in chocolate, I'd stick it in sockets
Go to the movies with hands deep in pockets
I'd stick it in vacuums on vacant verandas
Gas-guzzling bottles and poodles and pandas
And puddles and drain pipes and doggies and ditches,
Poolhalls and potholes and bottles and bitches...

Zucchinis and zebras, tomatoes, tomatoes,
And pineapple pumpkins, and gulches and grottos,
And melons and marshmallows...

Gloves and gorillas
Slurpies and slippers
Chinooks and chinchillas...

A penis to plunder, a penis to push
Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me, a penis to share...
To pick up and play with when nobody's there

If I had a penis, I'd climb every mountain
I'd force it on females
I'd pee like a fountain...

If I had a penis I'd still be a girl,
But I'd make much more money and conquer the world.


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## Miss Vickie (Jan 31, 2006)

BoBabe, your smile... It's so.... big.  Heh.

And you're welcome. I figured turnabout was fair play, though my smile is not nearly so big and glistening as yours.


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## Boteroesque Babe (Jan 31, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Penis Envy
> by Uncle Bonsai


'Tis my personal anthem.


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## Carrie (Jan 31, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> 'Tis my personal anthem.



Sisters in obscurity. :wubu:


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## Bafta1 (Oct 25, 2007)

Also known as procrastination and too much free time. 

Nevertheless....... 

View attachment Jacopo.JPG


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## moore2me (Oct 25, 2007)

Okay girls - as much as I hate to be a trouble maker, non sequitir, as I understand it, means one thought, has nothing to do with the next one. So far most of you guys posts have to do with *penises*. Now, I know these things are very, very important (or impotent) to women & men, but we are digressing from the intent of non sequitir here. 

It should be more like 
First post -*Penis*. ........
Second post - Temperature in Iceland.
Third post - How far a hummingbird travels during migration.
Fourth post - Number of children Abraham Lincoln had that lived to adulthood.
Fifth post - Correct temperature to sanitize towels & undergarments in the wash cycle when using bleach.

So, you see, the word *penis*, is only used once, and not repeated on subsequent posts. Is that clear girls?


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 25, 2007)

In the cool of the evening
when ev'rything is gettin' kind of groovy,
I call you up and ask you if you want to go
and meet and see a movie.

First you say no, you've got some plans for the night,
And then you stop, and say, "All right."
Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you.

You always keep me guessin', I never seem to know
what you are thinkin'.
And if a fella looks at you, it's for sure
your little eye will be a-winkin'.

I get confused, 'cause I don't know where I stand,
And then you smile, and hold my hand.
Love is kinda crazy
with a spooky little girl like you. Spooky!

If you decide someday to stop this little game
that you are playin', I'm gonna tell you all what my heart's been a-dyin' to be sayin'.
Just like a ghost,
you've been a-hauntin' my dreams,
So I'll propose... on Halloween.
Love is kinda crazy
with a spooky little girl like you.
Spooky, Spooky, Spooky, Oh-whoa, all right,
I said Spooky!

by Santana

Boo!


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## moore2me (Oct 26, 2007)

To quote a line from *My Fair Lady*
"By jove, I think she's got it!" 

View attachment my-fair-lady-1-1024.jpg


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## DUBLINDA (Oct 26, 2007)

Im going to be a stalker this halloween!!!


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Oct 27, 2007)

My favorite vanilla candle is almost gone... Sad face...


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## DUBLINDA (Oct 27, 2007)

I really do not know who I can trust anymore!!!


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## moore2me (Oct 27, 2007)

I really need to stay out of Walmart until that blasted Halloween candy is all gone. It's just too hard to resist......must not shop until Nov.1.......be strong..........quit buying chocolate covered things ..........okay, maybe I'll go and buy just one tiny bag of those little Hersey Bars..........but, no here's a 2lb bag at sale price .........and here's some Kraft caramels too.......... somebody save me .......can't control myself .........need a diversion........(Moore's alter ego snaps "I told you to stay out of the Walmart! Now you expect me to get you out again??? What am I - your MOTHER?").......visions of Norman Bates prancing around with butcher knife start driving Moore down the Halloween candy aisle ...........


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## mango (Oct 28, 2007)

*MOOPS!!




*


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## DUBLINDA (Oct 28, 2007)

I seriously need to make some nice new friends.


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## mango (Oct 29, 2007)

*I was in 
The checkout line
Checking out 
The mighty fine
By the time I got 
To the parking lot
I took home 
More than what I bought

Youre my tenderness
My chocolate drop
Dont you ever let your good lovin' stop
Dont you ever let your good lovin' stop

Bring me your love
Stay here with me
Bring me your love
Ill be right here 
Waiting for you

*


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## DUBLINDA (Oct 29, 2007)

I messed up bigtime and now its too late to change it. :doh:


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## moore2me (Oct 29, 2007)

Do you know that lucky rabbit feet key chains are made from all four feet of a rabbit? The people making the keychains don't really care which one is the lucky foot.


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## DUBLINDA (Oct 29, 2007)

I really need a haircut.


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 29, 2007)

The only thing bad about my vacation is that it is coming to an end tomorrow. Sigh!


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Oct 30, 2007)

No pumpkin carving this year... I'm missing something vital...


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## moore2me (Oct 30, 2007)

We picked our second batch of greens from our garden today - a mix of turnip greens and mustard greens. Yum, Yum.


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## mango (Oct 31, 2007)

*She became so lonely, she started having intimate philosophical conversations with her bunions.

*


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## DUBLINDA (Oct 31, 2007)

I am so seriously confused  now and really not sure what to do about this situation.


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## mango (Nov 6, 2007)

* Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic *


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## DUBLINDA (Nov 6, 2007)

Im having very naughty thoughts at the moment.


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## Punkin1024 (Nov 6, 2007)

I heard a crow yesterday morning.


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## mango (Nov 12, 2007)

*Throw out your hands
Stick out your tush
Hands on your hips
Give 'em a push
You'll be surprised
You're doing the French mistake
Voila!


 *


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## DUBLINDA (Nov 13, 2007)

Im in a proper pickle and seriously confused.


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## mango (Nov 14, 2007)

*WE ARE OBSERVING YOUR EARTH....



AND WE'D LIKE TO MAKE....



A CONTACT....



WITH YOU....



BABY.*


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## kathynoon (Nov 24, 2007)

Do you think if I stopped wearing clothes, anyone would notice?


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## moore2me (Nov 24, 2007)

I would love to have a cigarette right now.


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## Timberwolf (Nov 24, 2007)

Hmmmm... The last word will be MINE!!!!!


Mhuahahahahahahaaaaarrrk! *cough*


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## Punkin1024 (Nov 28, 2007)

I owe, I owe, so it's off to work I go! 

~Punkin


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## DUBLINDA (Nov 29, 2007)

Am I ever going to meet "The One"???


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## Punkin1024 (Dec 2, 2007)

I just finished watching the first installment of "The Tin Man" and OZ will never be the same for me again!

~Punkin


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## Fuzzy (Dec 3, 2007)

Poirot just stepped off the steamin' train, and if you ask me, they all did it.


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## DUBLINDA (Dec 3, 2007)

Is anyone ever to reply to a question I ask in this thread???


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## Timberwolf (Dec 3, 2007)

The train stopped in an accident.


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## moore2me (Dec 3, 2007)

I really need to clean my hard drive up. I think I will delete some files.
http://icanhascheezburger.com/ 

View attachment funny-pictures-recycle-bin-dog.jpg


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## Punkin1024 (Dec 3, 2007)

Have a holly jolly Christmas 
It's the best time of the year 
Well I don't know if there'll be snow 
But have a cup of cheer 

Have a holly jolly Christmas 
And when you walk down the street 
Say hello to friends you know 
And everyone you meet 

Ho ho the mistletoe 
Hung where you can see 
Somebody waits for you 
Kiss her once for me 

Have a holly jolly Christmas 
And in case you didn't hear 
Oh bygolly have a holly jolly Christmas 
This year 

Have a holly jolly Christmas 
And when you walk down the street 
Say hello to friends you know 
And everyone you meet 

Have a holly jolly Christmas 
And in case you didn't hear 
Oh bygolly have a holly jolly Christmas 
This year!

 Punkin


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## Punkin1024 (Dec 6, 2007)

It's an oatmeal with raisins kind of morning. 

~Punkin


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## DUBLINDA (Dec 6, 2007)

Im having a happy happy day!!! :smitten:


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## Punkin1024 (Dec 7, 2007)

Drat, the stars aren't out tonight!


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## DUBLINDA (Dec 7, 2007)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My dreams will be sweet
If Im dream of you

The sky is blue
The grass is green
If your dreaming of me
They'll be obscene!!! :kiss2:


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## Punkin1024 (Dec 9, 2007)

Okay, so, it's the 9th of December and I still haven't gotten my Christmas cards ready to mail. Sigh. I need a dose of holiday spirit.

~Punkin


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## DUBLINDA (Dec 10, 2007)

How do you tell the difference between lust and love???


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## mango (Dec 10, 2007)

*There's a difference???

*


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## Punkin1024 (Dec 10, 2007)

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! (catches breath) Ahhhhhhh! It's Monday! 

~Punkin


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## Fuzzy (Dec 10, 2007)

Halt! Who goes there?

Its me, Gilligan, Its the Skipper!

Say something the Skipper would say!

Put down that bow and arrow or I'll break you in half!

Yep, That's something the Skipper would say.


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## DUBLINDA (Dec 11, 2007)

My plan appears to be working and Im happy about that right now.


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## Punkin1024 (Dec 11, 2007)

I'm loopy, I'm loopy, I'm loopy!!! :huh: :doh: :huh:

(I need a cross-eyed smiley!)

~Punkin


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## Punkin1024 (Dec 15, 2007)

I feel like a kid again when I hear this song:

Clint Black - Til Santa's Gone (I Just Can't Wait) lyrics

Album: The Best of Country Christmas, Vol. 5

Now, I'm only five years old
I've got to do just what I'm told
'Cause Santa Claus is gonna be dropping in on me.

Is there something I might have missed
I had quite a few things on my list
I hope he can fit it all under that Christmas tree.

Now, I know what he likes for a late night snack
For years now it's been bringing him back
Milk and cookies.

He'll come and go without a sound again
But how in the world does he get in
Ain't got a chimney.

Close my eyes and concentrate
Try to sleep it's getting late
All night long I lie awake
Till Santa's Gone I just can't wait.

Now, is there something I might have missed
I had quite a few things on my list
I hope he can get it all under that Christmas tree.

Sneak a peek down the hall
I've got to check, now I don't recall
The milk and cookies.

I think I'm sure I got it all
Stockings hung a-long the wall
Ain't got a chimney.

Close my eyes and concentrate
I gotta sleep now it's getting late
All night long I lie awake
Till Santa's gone I just can't wait
Just can't wait, just can't wait

Could there be something 
I might have missed
I had quite a few things on my list
I hope he can fit it all under that Christmas tree.
I hope he can fit it all under my Christmas tree.

(Spoken)
Let's see, I know he can fit...
He can fit the airplane under there. 
He can get the bicycle in there
And the...and the gum ball machine 
And don't know what he's gonna do with that horse...


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## DUBLINDA (Dec 15, 2007)

Im feeling rejected and very dejected today.


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Dec 15, 2007)

May you all enjoy the holiday season. May there be days of complete joy for you and yours. May the giant rats under your bed not ruin your new pair of jammies or find the left-overs.

Seriously, don't look under the bed.  Ciao!


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## Punkin1024 (Dec 27, 2007)

So, I have this song stuck in my head at the moment:

Prunella: 
Why should a fellow want a girl like her a frail 
and fluffy beauty why can't a fellow ever once prefer a solid girl like me

Esmerelda: 
She's a frothy little bubble with a flimsy kind of charm and with very little trouble 
I could break her little arm.

Prunella: 
Oh, oh why would a fellow want a girl like her so obviously unusual 
why can't a fellow ever once prefer a usual girl like me

Esmerelda: 
Her cheeks are a pretty shade of pink, but not any pinker than roses

Prunella: 
Her skin may be delicate and soft, 
but not any softer than a doe's is

Esmerelda: 
Her neck is no whiter than a swan's

Prunella: 
She's only as dainty as a daisy

Esmerelda: 
She's only as graceful as a bird!

Both: 
So why is the fellow going crazy?
oh why would a fellow want a girl like her,
a girl who's merely lovely, 
why can't a fellow ever once prefer a girl who's merely me

Prunella: 
She's a frothy little bubble with a frilly sort of air 
And with very little trouble I could pull out all her hair!

Both: 
oh why would a fellow want a girl like her, a girl who's merely lovely, 
why can't a fellow ever once prefer a girl who's merely me
What's the matter with the man, what's the matter with the man, 
what's the matter with the man?!!"

Hmmmmm......could it have been the dream I had of being at a mall dressed in a gorgeous ball gown and dancing with (I'm not gonna tell :wubu: ) from Dimensions?

~Punkin


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## swamptoad (Jan 1, 2008)

*Cascade*
While employed by Procter & Gamble, Dennis Weatherby developed and received a patent for the automatic dishwasher detergent known by the tradename Cascade. He received his Masters degree in chemical engineering from the University of Dayton in 1984. Cascade is a registered trademark of the Procter & Gamble Company.

*Ivory Soap*
A soap maker at the Procter and Gamble company had no idea a new innovation was about to surface when he went to lunch one day in 1879. He forgot to turn off the soap mixer, and more than the usual amount of air was shipped into the batch of pure white soap that the company sold under the name The White Soap. Fearing he would get in trouble, the soap maker kept the mistake a secret and packaged and shipped the air-filled soap to customers around the country. Soon customers were asking for more "soap that floats." When company officials found out what happened, they turned it into one of the company’s most successful products, Ivory Soap.


*Liquid Soap*
William Shepphard first patented liquid soap on August 22, 1865. In 1980, the Minnetonka Corporation introduced the first modern liquid soap called SOFT SOAP brand liquid soap. Minnetonka cornered the liquid soap market by buying up the entire supply of the plastic pumps needed for the liquid soap dispensers. In 1987, the Colgate Company acquired the liquid soap business from Minnetonka.

*Palmolive Soap*
William Colgate started a candle and soap making company in New York City in 1806. By 1906, the company was making over 3,000 different soaps, perfumes and other products. For example, Colgate Dental Cream was introduced in 1877. In 1864, Caleb Johnson founded a soap company called B.J. Johnson Soap Co., in Milwaukee. In 1898, this company introduced a soap made of palm and olive oils, called Palmolive. It was so successful that that the B.J. Johnson Soap Co. changed their name to Palmolive in 1917. Another soap making company called the Peet Brothers Co. of Kansas City started in 1872. In 1927, Palmolive merged with them to became Palmolive Peet. In 1928, Palmolive Peet merged with Colgate to form Colgate-Palmolive-Peet. In 1953, the name was shortened to just Colgate-Palmolive. Ajax cleanser was one of their first major brand names introduced in the early 1940s.

*Pine-Sol*
Chemist, Harry A. Cole of Jackson, Mississippi invented and sold the pine-scented cleaning product called Pine-Sol in 1929. Pine-Sol is the biggest selling household cleaner in the world. Cole sold Pin-Sol shortly after its invention (now owned by Clorox Company) and went on to create more pine oil cleaners called FYNE PINE and PINE PLUS. Together with his sons, Cole started the H. A. Cole Products Co. to manufacture and sell his products. Pine forests surrounded the area where the Coles lived, providing an ample supply of pine oil.
*
S.O.S Soap Pads*
In 1917, Ed Cox of San Francisco, an aluminum pot salesman, invented a pre-soaped pad with which to clean pots. As a way of introducing himself to potential new customers, Cox made the soap incrusted steel-wool pads as a calling card. His wife named the soap pads S.O.S. or "Save Our Saucepans." Cox soon found out that the S.O.S pads were a hotter product than his pots and pans.

*Tide*
In the 1920s, Americans used soap flakes to clean their laundry. The flakes performed poorly in hard water, leaving a ring in the washing machine, dulling colors, and turning whites gray. Procter & Gamble began an ambitious mission to change the way Americans washed their clothes. Researchers discovered two-part molecules which they called synthetic surfactants. Each part of the "miracle molecules" executed a specific function--one pulled grease and dirt from the clothes, while the other suspended dirt until it could be rinsed away. In 1933, this discovery was introduced in a detergent called "Dreft," but it could only handle lightly soiled jobs. The next goal was to create a detergent that could clean heavily soiled clothes. That detergent was Tide®.

Created in 1943, Tide detergent was the combination of synthetic surfactants and "builders." The builders helped the synthetic surfactants penetrate the clothes more deeply to attack greasy, difficult stains. Tide was introduced to test markets in October 1946 as the world’s first heavy-duty detergent. Consumer response was immediate and intense. Tide detergent outsold every other brand within weeks. It became so popular that store owners were forced to limit the quantity purchased per customer.

Tide detergent was improved 22 times during its first 21 years on the market, and Procter & Gable still strives for perfection. Each year, researchers duplicate the mineral content of water from all parts of the United States and wash 50,000 loads of laundry to test Tide detergent’s consistency and performance.


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## Punkin1024 (Jan 4, 2008)

Crossin' the highway late last night
He shoulda looked left and he shoulda looked right
He didn't see the station wagon car
The skunk got squashed and there you are!

You got yer
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
You got yer dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinkin' to high Heaven!

Take a whiff on me, that ain't no rose!
Roll up yer window and hold yer nose
You don't have to look and you don't have to see
'Cause you can feel it in your olfactory

You got yer
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
You got yer dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinkin' to high Heaven!

Yeah you got yer dead cat and you got yer dead dog
On a moonlight night you got yer dead toad frog 
Got yer dead rabbit and yer dead raccoon
The blood and the guts they're gonna make you swoon!
You got yer
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
You got yer dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinkin' to high Heaven!

C'mon stink!

You got it!
It's dead, it's in the middle
Dead skunk in the middle!
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinkin' to high heaven!
All over the road, technicolor man!
Oh, you got pollution
It's dead, it's in the middle
And it's stinkin' to high, high Heaven!

by Loudon Wainright III


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Mar 20, 2008)

*The Nine Circles of Hell (For Sperm):*

1) The Forest of Hairybellei: Where potential civilizations have gone to die, usually the lower abdomen near the bellybutton (The Death Pit of Lint) or middle chest, lower neck (what the Hell, are you Peter North or somethin?).

2) Cup of Frozen Torment: Sure the possibility of reincarnation exists, but trapped for who knows how long in suspended animation, adhered to the side of some cup? Horrid.

3) Valley of the Tubesockomites: Dry, white, smelling vaguely of feet and Astroglide (the viscous Stygian river that moisturizes but entraps).

4) Scorched Death: The place of heat and dryness where Onan first spilled seed to have it crust upon the earth. If only estivation worked for something other than lungfish.

5) Nonoxynolia: It burns. A lot.

6) The Disavowed: Swimming with your buddies in the dish, seeing the arm of Pasteur dip down to draw your other fellows to glory and honor with Ova, realizing you've been consigned to the Drain of Despair.

7) The Field of Kleenexos: White, soft downy plains. Balled up and discarded leaving you parched and drying with only the fragrance and touch of Aloe to mock your death rattle.

8) The Mouth of Oralion: Almost the worst of all torments. The tease, entry into a soft, warm, pinkish space. The feeling of acrosomal release as saliva brings you to your eventual purpose, only to face two roads - The path to the Ring of Acid or the Ring of Expectoria. For those who were truly heinous in their brief life, the Snowball Temptation, the final nail in the coffin so to speak. 

9) Rectumiso: I won't elaborate, but it's pretty bad.


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## Punkin1024 (Mar 20, 2008)

"Here comes Peter Cottontail,
hopping down the bunny trail.
Hippity hoppity Easter's on its way!"

 Punkin


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Apr 7, 2008)

I am sure at some point, perhaps for one minute out of every concert, somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd encores of "Margaritaville," Jimmy Buffett thinks about dropping his guitar, pulling out the TEC-9 he has hidden behind the amplifier and spraying the audience with bullets. I am sure in that short period of time he giggles maniacally in his mind. 

Then he realizes, the enormous bankroll from being one of the most popular one-hit wonders aside, that singing that dumbass song a cappella will be the only thing standing between him and a prison shower rape.


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## mango (Jun 3, 2008)

*The things you think are precious I can't understand....


*


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## Punkin1024 (Nov 3, 2008)

Resurrecting the thread for total nonsense! Enjoy!


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## Timberwolf (Nov 3, 2008)

:blink: Where on earth did that truck come from? :blink:


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## moore2me (Nov 4, 2008)

Fat girl gets caught, 
dancing in the pale moonlight, 
neekid, 
in the mall parking lot, 
during midnight madness sale, 
at Dillards, 
by a security camera.
ID in purse nearby read Moore2me,
Credit cards and debit cards were missing.
Moore, 
juiced up on horse tranquilizers,
Belguim dose,
was taken to detox to finish her tarantism.


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## bellyjelly (Nov 4, 2008)

"One act of beneficence, one act of real usefulness, is worth all the abstract sentiment in the world. Sentiment is a disgrace, instead of an ornament, unless it lead us to good actions."

Someone clever wrote that


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## moore2me (Nov 4, 2008)

Would you guys mind terriby if I place Non Sequitur for aside for a moment?

I forgot to wish *HAPPY BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY TO BELLYJELLY.*
So sorry, m'lady, and I hope turning 40 was a pleasant and memorable.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now Back to Non-Sequitor:

Do you know that a Colassal Squid was found off the coast of New Zealand in 2007 that had the largest eyes and largest lens ever recorded on earth? The animal was 32 feet long, but its' eye were 11 inches wide. A picture of the animal's lens is below showing scale. 

View attachment easquid130b.jpg


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## bellyjelly (Nov 4, 2008)

Thanks for that Moore2me.

Wow, and that's some lens.


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## moore2me (Nov 4, 2008)

Said the wolf (in disguise) as grandma, to Little Red Riding Hood, "The better to see you with my dear."


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## Punkin1024 (Nov 5, 2008)

I want my Teddy Bear!

The Teddy Bear's Picnic

If you go out in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Picnic time for teddy bears,
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them picnic on their holiday.
See them gaily dance about.
They love to play and shout.
And never have any cares.
At six o'clock their mommies and daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they're tired little teddy bears.

If you go out in the woods today,
You'd better not go alone.
It's lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

CHORUS

Every teddy bear, that's been good
Is sure of a treat today
There's lots of wonderful things to eat
And wonderful games to play

Beneath the trees, where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic


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## bellyjelly (Nov 5, 2008)

I watched Sesame Street as a child but can't remember the name of Bigbird's imaginary friend...the one that looked a bit like an elephant.


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## Love.Metal (Nov 5, 2008)

bellyjelly said:


> I watched Sesame Street as a child but can't remember the name of Bigbird's imaginary friend...the one that looked a bit like an elephant.




Snuffy. 

Snuffy the Snuffelupagus.






...Is someone making eggs, or am I having a stroke?!?!?


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## mango (Nov 8, 2008)

*Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
That delicate, satin-draped frame....


*


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## bellyjelly (Nov 8, 2008)

Every year, approaching Christmas, I fume about not organising things better over the previous year. Every time, I say I'll start buying prezzies in the January sales, and collect bits and bobs over the year. Every bloody year, I lie to myself.


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## moore2me (Nov 8, 2008)

As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry
Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same...


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## B68 (Nov 8, 2008)

A bee
Flew around a tree
Singing 1 2 3
Don't ya wanna rock with me?


Then: 

Applause!! Applause!!

Then a humble 'Thank you. Thank you very much. Couldn't have done it without you.' 

:bow:


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## Punkin1024 (Nov 9, 2008)

"I want pudding,
No one ever brings me pudding."


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Nov 11, 2008)

Part of me likes to think that Cheerios aren't a cereal...they're little seeds for donuts. If I plant them in the ground, in 2-3 days I get the beginnings of a donut tree, which in a matter of months will grow beautifully and bear honey glazed and crueller fruits which will satiate me as I sit stuffed underneath it.

Then again, I wonder how much sunlight you should really give a donut tree. It could be messy.


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## swamptoad (Jan 25, 2009)

ah do not pow'ful quite knows whut t'type in this hyar non sequito' thread, cuss it all t' tarnation. This hyar is pow'ful hard fo' me reckon of right on th' spot. Mebbe somebody else sh'd respond t'this thread instead of me. ah guess thet ah can try though.


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## Punkin1024 (Jan 25, 2009)

Tick tock
Tick Tock

Alarm goes off!

Ugh! The weekend's gone by again!


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Jan 25, 2009)

Is it too early to be obsessing over baseball? I think NOT!


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## Timberwolf (Jan 26, 2009)

Have you ever used a computer in the stone age? Ugh, I say... Ugh, really, ugh.


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Jun 11, 2009)

I just now realized there was never a U.S.S. Titanic in Star Trek. Coincidence?


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## Timberwolf (Jun 14, 2009)

5 AM is way too early to get up.
And getting woken by a leg cramp is one of the rudest ways to wake up.


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Jun 14, 2009)

Coca-Cola Zero - a surprisingly satisfying approximation of the quality of Coca-Cola. Here's hoping the Cherry kind is just as good!


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## swamptoad (Jun 14, 2009)

I was your mind
You were my
My enemy you were mine
I was your
Your enemy you would mind
I was your
Your enemy you were mine
I was was your ene-

You rang
Your ears rang

I was your mind
You were my
My enemy you were mine
I was your
Your enemy you would mind
I was your
Your enemy you were mine
I was was your ene-

At night, the wishful goddess
At night, wish the hardest
At night, the disco goddess
At night, the bitch go gawd.......

I was your mind
You were my
My enemy you were mine
I was your
Your enemy you would mind
I was your
Your enemy you were mine
I was was your ene-

Wishful goddess
At night, wish the hardest
At night, wishful goddess
At night, the witch go gawd.......

I was your mind
You were my
My enemy you were mine
I was your
Your enemy you would mind
I was your
Your enemy you were mine
I was was your ene-

At night, the wishful goddess
At night, wish the hardest
At night, the disco goddess
At night, to itch so modest
At night, the crisco lochness
At night, the mouthful omelette
At sight, the fishful goblets
At night, the witch go gawd.......



From Kurt Cobain's Journals (page 49)


I was your mind - You were my my ene mye
You were mine - I was was your ene mye
You would mind &#8211; I was your ene me
you were mine I was was your ena

Ears Rang

At night, the wishful goddess
At night, she ll wish the hardest
At night, the disco goddess
At night, the witch

Voice Droned 

At night, the wishful goddess
At night, wish the hardest
At night, the disco goddess
At night, to itch so modest
At night, the crisco lochness
At night, the mouthful omelette
At sight, the fishful goblets
At night, the witch go gawd.......


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## Punkin1024 (Jun 28, 2009)

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. ~Anonymous


A friend will stop you from overreacting.
A Best Friend will walk beside you giggling "Someone is gonna get it!" ~Anonymous T-shirt slogan


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## swamptoad (Jan 6, 2010)

dilapidation - decrepitude: a state of deterioration due to old age or long use.


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (Jan 6, 2010)

You look like you could use some more Science Fiction in your life. Go read _On Basilisk Station_. Go on, I dare you.


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Jan 7, 2010)

I didn't expect to meet you in that corner bar, but there you were. That smug look on your face, the receding hairline. The air of elitism that says "I smoke cigars that smell like dogshit and people love me more because of it."

So I sit down next to you, casual conversation about the weather. You said it was so cold this morning you had to start burning 50 dollar bills in the fireplace because much like Presto logs, they last longer in the furnace. Then you segue into some personal story which isn't even true, because halfway through I realize you're just repeating the end of the theme song to "The Prince of Bel-Air."

Right when you say "yo, homes, smell you later," I stand up suddenly, throwing my chair back against the wall. On cue, two doves fly into the room through billowing curtains. You get that glint in your eye, then the sudden epiphany every good guy and bad guy come to when they realize they just ran into their mortal enemy and the showdown has to begin. I reach into my pocket for my Glock, you reach behind your back for your Beretta 9 mm. 

The battle begins. We bob and weave through the crowd, I duck behind the stage, throwing off two shots as I duck behind the DJ booth, knocking over a Britney Spears drag queen singing a really shitty karaoke rendition of "Toxic". My enemy's bullet grazes hir upper arm and s/he goes down on a high C note.

We both are mentally counting off the shots, me thankful I chose the extra long clip. He's good. I'm good. And we both know it enough to avoid getting shot. Suddenly I do a forward roll to the center of the room, and stand up, pointing my gun at him, our barrels almost kissing in a warm embrace not unlike a really badly faked lesbian makeout scene.

He sneers that fucking sneer of his, the sneer that won him millions. Then he laughs through gritted teeth. "You're empty."

I smile back and say "so are you, Gene Hackman." Then I reach behind my back, pulling out a 45 Colt made of Silly Putty. A dove flies across his field of vision, and I use the opportunity in his confusion to sweep his leg Cobra Kai style. He goes down with a thud onto one knee, grabbing it in pain. He stares straight into the barrel of my pink pal, a look of hatred on his face that almost seems believable. "I don't know how you found me, but you won't get out of this town alive."

"Neither will you," I chuckle. "This is for Superman 4, you soulless sonofabitch," I say, pulling the trigger. A blast of flame and peach flies from the barrel, and the Silly Putty slug slams into his forehead, pancaking against his skull and knocking him 4 feet back. The .454 Casull with the Silly Putty tip is a bullet that most definitely does not fuck around.

I look down at his body, the flattened bullet displaying a rather sharp mirror impression of a Beetle Bailey comic - one of the rarer ones where Beetle is caught sleeping on the job.

The waitress behind the counter raises her head a bit, and I swing the barrel in her direction, the adrenaline making me jumpy. She raises her hands in surrender, and in a voice not altogether unlike the one of the Slobovian rabbit from that Warner Bros. cartoon where Elmer Fudd tried to hook Bugs up with a Slavic, lovestarved, chubby rabbit, she squeals "Oh, _babuskha_, you are my hero!" 

I shake my head in dismissal. "Someone had to put a stop to the madness," I sigh, looking at the carnage all around me. It's the type of destruction that might result if Zan and Jayna activated their Wonder Twin powers, but while Zan easily chose "a puddle of water", Jayna hesitated until someone suggested "a giant lump of sodium" and she just went with it. 

I flip the curvy lady a 50 cent piece, bark out "Sorry for the mess," and I'm out on the street. The day feels crisper, lighter. The world, I know, has been given a second chance at a real future.


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## swamptoad (May 14, 2010)

The first black surgeon to do open heart surgery was Dr. Daniel Hale Williams. In 1893, he saved a man who was knifed by opening his chest and sewing together the wound, which was only a fraction of an inch from his heart. He was one of the first to do this. He accomplished this without any modern medical devices, such as x-rays.


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