# Lose a MILLIONTY pounds in one weekend!



## Ash (Jan 7, 2008)

Lose a MILLIONTY pounds in one weekend!

With Nutrihydroallisystemcut: The revolutionary new weight loss drug from AmandaCaseyandAshleyGetRich, Inc! 

Take just 82 pills a day for 3 days, and you WILL lose inches, fat, and all that extra skin, too! * **

All this for just 47 easy payments of $49.99!

But dont just take our word for it. See the testimonial of Casey, below! 

Casey at 400+ pounds. A picture of pure sloth and gluttony. Look how unhappy she is, folks
View attachment mashpotality051watermarked.jpg



But after Nutrihydroallisystemcut, shes slim, trim, and holding giant pants!**
View attachment mashpotality053watermarked.jpg


Dont let the FAT you torment the THIN you ever again! 
View attachment mashpotality052watermarked.jpg


And look! Nutrihydroallisystemcut makes you super extra flexi-bendy, too!** So much value in just 246 little pills! 
View attachment mashpotality054watermarked.jpg


You too could have results like these with Nutrihydroallisystemcut!**

And for just 47 easy payments of $49.99!

Send CASH ONLY to:
AmandaCaseyandAshleyGetRich, Inc.
24 Youre a Sucker Way
Fatty-Land, MD 
2070fat

*Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, dehydration, chronic diarrhea, polyps, athletes foot, carpal tunnel syndrome, writers block, cellulitis, priapism, and weight gain.

**Results not typical. Just eat the goddamn donut, fatty.


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## AnnMarie (Jan 7, 2008)

I find your ideas intriguing and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.


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## Shosh (Jan 7, 2008)

Oh I am loving on that doughnut muchly! Gimme!


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## Fascinita (Jan 7, 2008)

Clever, cute and also funny pictures.

Can I get this revolutionary system on credit?


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## Ash (Jan 7, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Clever, cute and also funny pictures.
> 
> Can I get this revolutionary system on credit?



Sorry! Cash only...


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## Foolish Fool (Jan 7, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> I find your ideas intriguing and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.


SIMPSONS QUOTE FOR THE WIN!


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## Jes (Jan 7, 2008)

seriously, if you 2 had worn the 'same' shirt (style/color) and made sure your hair was exact, you would, as you've said, make millions with this. MILLIONS.


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## Foolish Fool (Jan 7, 2008)

ZOMG!1! sign me up!


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## Ash (Jan 7, 2008)

There's always Memorial Day.


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## imfree (Jan 7, 2008)

Hahaha!!!, I love the "before" and "after" models being
in the same shot, real truth in advertising! Great work, girls!


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## runningman (Jan 7, 2008)

side effects may include weight gain. Hahaha.


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## Bandy (Jan 7, 2008)

Obviously a morph. Look at the pixels.


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## Ash (Jan 7, 2008)

He POSTS! 

*faints*


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## bexy (Jan 7, 2008)

*i want this turned into an informercial!*


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## Ash (Jan 7, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> *i want this turned into an informercial!*



Hahaha..Well, next time we'll make a video.

I mean...for our next testimonial/success story, of course...


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## bmann0413 (Jan 7, 2008)

Hah! That was funny... My friend Jasmine saw this and thought that it actually worked. That is, until she saw that picture with the "before" and "after" models...

You take the funniest pictures, Ashley...


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## supersoup (Jan 7, 2008)

mashley has video capabilities. 


just sayin...


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## supersoup (Jan 7, 2008)

Bandy said:


> Obviously a morph. Look at the pixels.



psh.

of doom.


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## NancyGirl74 (Jan 7, 2008)

Ashley said:


> *Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, dehydration, chronic diarrhea, polyps, athletes foot, carpal tunnel syndrome, writers block, cellulitis, priapism, and weight gain.



Hmmm...Athlete's foot might be a deal breaker. Otherwise, your product sounds too good to be true. :blink:


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## ActionPif (Jan 7, 2008)

Dear Nutrihydroallisystemcut,

A phone call would have been nice.

Best wishes,

The FDA


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## supersoup (Jan 7, 2008)

ActionPif said:


> Dear Nutrihydroallisystemcut,
> 
> A phone call would have been nice.
> 
> ...



PSH.

we have giant pants, and a fatty that fits in them.

sincerely,
management


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## Ash (Jan 7, 2008)

supersoup said:


> PSH.
> 
> we have giant pants, and a fatty that fits in them.
> 
> ...



Yes, and that's all the research and clinical trials we need.


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## ActionPif (Jan 7, 2008)

supersoup said:


> PSH.
> 
> we have giant pants, and a fatty that fits in them.
> 
> ...



Dearest Management,

This may be true, and we're not looking to dispute that, as the photographic evidence in your favor is, how should we say, quite overwhelming. However, even FatOblitoratorShredMeister7000X sent us a fax. 

Do you know what sending a fax even involves? You have to dial in the number, press the wrong button and mistakenly send it to a relative whom you've had no contact with since the Eisenhower administration, type in the number again, WHOOPS forget you're out of paper, go to your nearest Globalizing Office Superstore and buy a ream of outrageously priced low-quality office paper, get rear-ended on the way back to the office by an ignorant, dundering bumbooderous driving a 2001 Nissan Quest, get back 3 hours later and finally type in the right number and press the right button that sends the fax.

All we're saying is, give everyone in our offices a year supply of the stuff, and we'll let the whole "make sure it's safe" reason for the existence of our inexplicably sprawling and bureaucratic organization kind of just slip through the cracks. 

Vehemently,

The FDA

Co-signees:

Microsoft
Bristol-Myer Squibb
CFR


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## Ash (Jan 7, 2008)

ActionPif said:


> Dearest Management,
> 
> This may be true, and we're not looking to dispute that, as the photographic evidence in your favor is, how should we say, quite overwhelming. However, even FatOblitoratorShredMeister7000X sent us a fax.
> 
> ...



Dear FDA,

Gotcha. Your shipment is on the way. 

Maybe you could put in a good word for us with the medical journals, too? Just a suggestion.

Yours,
management


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## Chimpi (Jan 7, 2008)

Are we going to be able to play with our fat selves like displayed in picture 3?

*EDIT:* Content removed due to poor taste.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 7, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Are we going to be able to play with our fat selves like displayed in picture 3?
> 
> *EDIT:* Content removed due to poor taste.



Hahaha! I heart you, boy.


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## supersoup (Jan 7, 2008)

ActionPif said:


> Dearest Management,
> 
> This may be true, and we're not looking to dispute that, as the photographic evidence in your favor is, how should we say, quite overwhelming. However, even FatOblitoratorShredMeister7000X sent us a fax.
> 
> ...



dear pif,

your verbiage makes me giggle. 

yours in marriage,
soup


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## elle camino (Jan 7, 2008)

this thread alone has already given me priapism.


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## Ash (Jan 7, 2008)

elle camino said:


> this thread alone has already given me priapism.



Ahaha.

SO glad that someone noticed that. 

And you should get to your doctor immediately.


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## supersoup (Jan 7, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Ahaha.
> 
> SO glad that someone noticed that.
> 
> And you should get to your doctor immediately.



OR see me.

ya know, depending on how sexy it makes you feel and all that.

:batting:


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 7, 2008)

It totally worked! And now my life is perfect! Ignore the two fat and thin chicks behind the curtain rolling naked in your money!


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 7, 2008)

I like this thread. The ladies are pretty, and it's fun. 

Does this fat assassain thingy increase energy? I need a boost for my runz.


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## Ash (Jan 7, 2008)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> It totally worked! And now my life is perfect! Ignore the two fat and thin chicks behind the curtain rolling naked in your money!



OR, if you're suffering from priapism, join us!

Roll carefully, though. Ouch.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 7, 2008)

Ashley said:


> OR, if you're suffering from priapism, join us!
> 
> Roll carefully, though. Ouch.



I seriously need to drill my mother if I was adopted or not.


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## Tooz (Jan 7, 2008)

I can't see the images.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 8, 2008)

Tooz said:


> I can't see the images.



It still works! Send us money anyway! Come on. Has the diet industry ever lied before?


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## David Bowie (Jan 8, 2008)

i'm gonna need a free sample...

im a very well qualified medical assistant

that can be great for verifying the potentcy of this wonderful drug.


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## FreeThinker (Jan 8, 2008)

Jon Blaze said:


> Does this fat assassain thingy increase energy? *I need a boost for my runz.*



It's in the fine print...



Ashley said:


> *Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, dehydration, *chronic diarrhea*, polyps, athletes foot, carpal tunnel syndrome, writers block, cellulitis, priapism, and weight gain.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 8, 2008)

Ashley said:


> There's always Memorial Day.



Seriously? Yes.


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## mszwebs (Jan 8, 2008)

This thread is HI-Larious.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 8, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Hahaha..Well, next time we'll make a video.
> 
> I mean...for our next testimonial/success story, of course...



Ha! We need a guy to sit in for the "proof."

Me: And now I have an improved relationship with my spouse.

Indifferent spouse: Your tits sag more now. 

Cue me looking embarrassed to the side.


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## Chimpi (Jan 8, 2008)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Ha! We need a guy to sit *on* for the "proof."



Me, Me, Me!

*Disclaimer: Quote modified to be more accurate.


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## David Bowie (Jan 8, 2008)

when can I audition? haha


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear AmandaCaseyandAshleyGetRich, Inc.,

I recently bought your product, took all of the recommended pills for 3 days, and not only didn't I lose a millionty pounds ... I gained 17. In addition, I am now suffering from excess facial hair, prostate cancer, bleeding ulcers, anal fissures, halitosis, and general swarthiness. I've also appeared to have ... grown a pair. And I'm not talking about breasts here. And that surprise addition accounts for 15 of the 17 pounds that I've gained.

Please advise as to how I can get my money back.

Sincerely,
Disillusioned in Minnesota


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## Ash (Jan 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear AmandaCaseyandAshleyGetRich, Inc.,
> 
> I recently bought your product, took all of the recommended pills for 3 days, and not only didn't I lose a millionty pounds ... I gained 17. In addition, I am now suffering from excess facial hair, prostate cancer, bleeding ulcers, anal fissures, halitosis, and general swarthiness. I've also appeared to have ... grown a pair. And I'm not talking about breasts here. And that surprise addition accounts for 15 of the 17 pounds that I've gained.
> 
> ...



Dear Disillusioned,

The possibility of weight gain was clearly indicated in the possible side effects in our initial advertisement. Therefore it seems that we owe you just 2 lbs worth of compensation. 

I'm sending you a box of Altoids, a tube of Preparation H, and a tub of Nads. That should about cover it, I think.

Glad to serve another satisfied customer.

Sincerely,
Management


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear AmandaCaseyandAshleyGetRich, Inc.,
> 
> I recently bought your product, took all of the recommended pills for 3 days, and not only didn't I lose a millionty pounds ... I gained 17. In addition, I am now suffering from excess facial hair, prostate cancer, bleeding ulcers, anal fissures, halitosis, and general swarthiness. I've also appeared to have ... grown a pair. And I'm not talking about breasts here. And that surprise addition accounts for 15 of the 17 pounds that I've gained.
> 
> ...



Dear Disillusioned,

As indicated by Fat Me, AmandaCaseyandAshleyGetRich, Inc.'s fine weight loss products do not guarantee, or even imply weight loss. In the pictures? Results not typical, but they might be more typical if you buy more pills, or possibly if you just send more money. What have you got to lose? Are you a coward about starting your new, perfect life where you look just like Gisele? Send us that money. Show us you're not a coward. I DARE you.

Regards,

Mgmt


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## Jon Blaze (Jan 8, 2008)

Satire sense is tingling!


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## Wagimawr (Jan 8, 2008)

Hey, wait, the only weight loss that comes from this product comes from carrying less money around! It's a fraud! I'm going to alert the auth*abducted*


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## Ash (Jan 8, 2008)

No allusions to "a MILLIONTY pounds" referring to British currency. Please and thank you. 

You saw what happened to the last guy.


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## Timberwolf (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear Cashley,

I think you should know that the "authorities" are on your track...

A friend.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear friends,

There have been a lot of unsavory rumors about Ashley being the same weight she always was.

Let me be perfectly honest.

She quit buying the pills. That's all I'm saying.

Warmest regards,

Mgmt


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## Santaclear (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear T.S.Smashley,

The pills worked great. But then I stopped taking them (I got in a car accident, caused by the blurred vision from the pills and as a result lost my job so I couldn't afford to buy them anymore) and I gained back like a ZILLIONTY pounds plus MORE! What's next?

Sincerely, 

Praise the Lord


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## Ash (Jan 8, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Dear T.S.Smashley,
> 
> The pills worked great. But then I stopped taking them (I got in a car accident, caused by the blurred vision from the pills and as a result lost my job so I couldn't afford to buy them anymore) and I gained back like a ZILLIONTY pounds plus MORE! What's next?
> 
> ...



Buy more pills. Be blind and skinny and happy, like the Lord always wanted for you.


One of these days I'll get an infraction of my very own.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 8, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Buy more pills. Be blind and skinny and happy, like the Lord always wanted for you.



Ashley brings up an excellent point: God 100% supports you taking these pills. So, really, by not giving us money, you're disobeying God. 

No pressure. I just know *I* love God.


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## Ash (Jan 8, 2008)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Ashley brings up an excellent point: God 100% supports you taking these pills. So, really, by not giving us money, you're disobeying God.
> 
> No pressure. I just know *I* love God.



You know...we should probably just get married. To spare the rest of the world.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 8, 2008)

Ashley said:


> You know...we should probably just get married. To spare the rest of the world.



Well, when you're right, you're right. <3


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## supersoup (Jan 8, 2008)

i leave, and hell breaks loose. 

just fork over the cash and make the jesus happy, eh folks?

gosh.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 8, 2008)

supersoup said:


> i leave, and hell breaks loose.
> 
> just fork over the cash and make the jesus happy, eh folks?
> 
> gosh.



Thank you. It's nice to see some morality in this thread finally!


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## OfftoOtherPlaces (Jan 9, 2008)

ActionPif said:


> Dear Nutrihydroallisystemcut,
> 
> A phone call would have been nice.
> 
> ...



Yeah, and what about my PM? Guys? HEY I SENT YOU A PM WHY DON'T YOU ANSWER IT.

No rep for you.



TraciJo67 said:


> In addition, I am now suffering from excess facial hair, prostate cancer, bleeding ulcers, anal fissures


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## Santaclear (Jan 9, 2008)

I just started taking the pills again and my ear fell off.


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## NancyGirl74 (Jan 9, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> I just started taking the pills again and my ear fell off.





That's about 2 ounces of fat right there! Congratulations!


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## sweet&fat (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear Nutrihydroallisystemcut,

I just read the recommended dosage on your bottle and could not help but notice that it says in very small print to call Poison Control and induce vomiting if these pills are ingested. Is this part of the plan?

Sincerely,

Concerned in Colorodo


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## Shosh (Jan 9, 2008)

I love this thread. The most fun Lounge thread in months.

We Aussies live for these kind of Shenanigans. 

I am dreaming up what joke I shall play next on my co workers, right now as I type.


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## Suze (Jan 9, 2008)

OoOoOoh. That is clever.


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## Wagimawr (Jan 9, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> Dear Nutrihydroallisystemcut,
> 
> I just read the recommended dosage on your bottle and could not help but notice that it says in very small print to call Poison Control and induce vomiting if these pills are ingested. Is this part of the plan?
> 
> ...


...careful with that, you might get in tr*re-abducted*


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## SoVerySoft (Jan 9, 2008)

May I please have a link to the long term success studies? You have them, yes?


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## supersoup (Jan 9, 2008)

SoVerySoft said:


> May I please have a link to the long term success studies? You have them, yes?



yeah, i'm almost done typing them all.

and by typing them all, i mean typing the handwritten testimonials our success stories have sent in, not making them up as i go. yes, yes that's what i'm doing.


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## supersoup (Jan 9, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> Dear Nutrihydroallisystemcut,
> 
> I just read the recommended dosage on your bottle and could not help but notice that it says in very small print to call Poison Control and induce vomiting if these pills are ingested. Is this part of the plan?
> 
> ...



dear sweet & fat,

yes, it does say to call poison control. i think you are misunderstanding what we mean by poison control though. *our* poison control (if you call the number printed on the bottle) is a center that plays poison's greatest hits. while you are vomiting, we want you to be able to rock out to 'talk dirty to me', 'every rose has its thorn', and 'i want action'. think of it as jazzercise, with less sweating.

sincerely,
management


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## Ash (Jan 9, 2008)

supersoup said:


> dear sweet & fat,
> 
> yes, it does say to call poison control. i think you are misunderstanding what we mean by poison control though. *our* poison control (if you call the number printed on the bottle) is a center that plays poison's greatest hits. while you are vomiting, we want you to be able to rock out to 'talk dirty to me', 'every rose has its thorn', and 'i want action'. think of it as jazzercise, with less sweating.
> 
> ...



Damn you! I JUST repped you! 

P.S. You, me, Casey, fancy white dresses, veils, rings, and lots of booze. Now we need to find somewhere where this craziness is legal.


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## supersoup (Jan 9, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Damn you! I JUST repped you!
> 
> P.S. You, me, Casey, fancy white dresses, veils, rings, and lots of booze. Now we need to find somewhere where this craziness is legal.



i

am 

fucking

in

.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 9, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Damn you! I JUST repped you!
> 
> P.S. You, me, Casey, fancy white dresses, veils, rings, and lots of booze. Now we need to find somewhere where this craziness is legal.



YES YES YES YES YES! Nothing has ever been more right! :smitten:


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## mszwebs (Jan 10, 2008)

supersoup said:


> dear sweet & fat,
> 
> yes, it does say to call poison control. i think you are misunderstanding what we mean by poison control though. *our* poison control (if you call the number printed on the bottle) is a center that plays poison's greatest hits. while you are vomiting, we want you to be able to rock out to 'talk dirty to me', 'every rose has its thorn', and 'i want action'. think of it as jazzercise, with less sweating.
> 
> ...




What... no _Unskinny Bop_?


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## Friday (Jan 13, 2008)

The husband laughed his ass off at this. He says 2 thumbs up ladies.


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## KevMoney (Jan 13, 2008)

supersoup said:


> yeah, i'm almost done typing them all.
> 
> and by typing them all, i mean typing the handwritten testimonials our success stories have sent in, not making them up as i go. yes, yes that's what i'm doing.



As a scientist, I have spent hours analyzing and evaluating the data, so that is what is being typed up now. As we speak. And a 'scientist', I would never sacrifice my 'professional integrity'. 

Hahaha

Shivs has spoken.


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## Renaissance Woman (Jan 13, 2008)

Dear Nutrihydroallisystemcut,

A medical professional has told me that I need to weigh 200 pounds. A friend suggested I might accomplish this by cutting off my arms and legs. I think your product might help, as one of the side-effects listed is "loss of finger(s), toe(s), and/or limb(s)". 

How can I ensure that I lose entire limbs and not just a finger here or there? I considered taking more than the recommended 2 bottles/day, but feared that might invalidate the money-back guarantee. What do you suggest?

Sincerely,
Armed and Legged, but not Dangerous


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## imfree (Jan 13, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Lose a MILLIONTY pounds in one weekend!
> 
> With Nutrihydroallisystemcut: The revolutionary new weight loss drug from AmandaCaseyandAshleyGetRich, Inc!
> 
> ...



Sad to say, but in real-life, when one contemplates using a product such
as Nutrihydroallisystemcut, one must first determine what percentage of
users will die as a result of using the product. Too many such products
escape FDA testing until found dangerous.


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## supersoup (Jan 14, 2008)

back to regularly scheduled programming.

BUY MOAR PILLLZ PLEEZ TNX.


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## Ash (Jan 14, 2008)

Totally. No ACTUAL medical discussion in our brilliant product's thread!


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## ActionPif (Jan 14, 2008)

Dear Nutrihydroallisystemcut,

I'm a HUGE fan of your product, and SUPER GUESS WHAT? It's neat when you replace the word "freedom" with the word *Nutrihydroallisystemcut* in Dwight Eisenhower's second inauguration speech! It works to perfection! Was this on purpose?

Your loyal customer and consumerist slave,

NutriDude789Minus1Ear


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 14, 2008)

Renaissance Woman said:


> Dear Nutrihydroallisystemcut,
> 
> A medical professional has told me that I need to weigh 200 pounds. A friend suggested I might accomplish this by cutting off my arms and legs. I think your product might help, as one of the side-effects listed is "loss of finger(s), toe(s), and/or limb(s)".
> 
> ...



Buy more pills. Quit being a cheap bitch.

Money money money money money money!


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## supersoup (Jan 14, 2008)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79vtq4nEp8o

i love this guy's style. 

money money money by the pound!!!!!!!!


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## Ash (Jan 14, 2008)

ActionPif said:


> Dear Nutrihydroallisystemcut,
> 
> I'm a HUGE fan of your product, and SUPER GUESS WHAT? It's neat when you replace the word "freedom" with the word *Nutrihydroallisystemcut* in Dwight Eisenhower's second inauguration speech! It works to perfection! Was this on purpose?
> 
> ...



"Yet the world of International Communism has itself been shaken by a fierce and mighty force: the readiness of men who love *Nutrihydroallisystemcut* to pledge their lives to that love."

You heard it here first, folks. Don't be a Communist. Buy Nutrihydroallisystemcut.


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## Timberwolf (Jan 14, 2008)

Nutrihydroallisystemcut is really interesting...

A scientific research in an Ohio village proved that N., taken at low doses (actually 3 pills a day), causes massive weight gain up to 4 lbs. a day (depending on how much you eat)...

It can even be healthy at a certain dose...


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## Santaclear (Jan 19, 2008)

I had to start using a walker as a result of resuming the *Nutrihydroallisystemcut* pills last week but I've lost another six pounds and I swear, I feel better than I have in years in spite of it all. Everything I eat seems to run right through me, if you know what I mean. I must have been so unhappy before. I can't thank both of you enough, Casely, for your inspirational diet plan.


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