# Flirting or just polite?



## theladypoet (Sep 14, 2009)

Let me just start off by saying I am completely clueless when it comes to the dating world. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm "body language/ non-verbal communication" illiterate. 

Keeping that in mind, today I ran to the food court to grab some lunch, and when I went to put my change in my purse I ended up dumping it all over the floor, which was pretty embarrassing. Well, the totally smoking guy behind me (my opinion, or course) quickly came up and helped me pick up all the change, and then, after he'd handed back all my money and I stuttered my gratitude, he looked me in the eyes and smiled, but one of those really nice smiles, not the "I'm just pretending to be polite so people don't think I'm a jerk now please go away" smiles. I'm also pretty sure he said something funny, but I was flustered at this point and starving, so I just grabbed my food and left. 

So was this guy trying to flirt with me and I just missed the signals, or did I have a run-in with a Genuinely Nice Guy(tm)? And for future reference, how can I tell when someone is attempting to flirt? Any advice or opinion you could provide would be fabulous.


----------



## Fascinita (Sep 14, 2009)

The best of both worlds would be if he was a super nice guy AND flirting with you. :smitten:

Hard to tell, from what you say. Enjoy it and go out and do it again (not the dropping change thing, the flirting.) Not all flirting is about romance or sexuality, anyway. But flirting *is* about getting someone's attention and letting the good vibes build.

:happy:


----------



## littlefairywren (Sep 14, 2009)

theladypoet said:


> Let me just start off by saying I am completely clueless when it comes to the dating world. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm "body language/ non-verbal communication" illiterate.
> 
> Keeping that in mind, today I ran to the food court to grab some lunch, and when I went to put my change in my purse I ended up dumping it all over the floor, which was pretty embarrassing. Well, the totally smoking guy behind me (my opinion, or course) quickly came up and helped me pick up all the change, and then, after he'd handed back all my money and I stuttered my gratitude, he looked me in the eyes and smiled, but one of those really nice smiles, not the "I'm just pretending to be polite so people don't think I'm a jerk now please go away" smiles. I'm also pretty sure he said something funny, but I was flustered at this point and starving, so I just grabbed my food and left.
> 
> So was this guy trying to flirt with me and I just missed the signals, or did I have a run-in with a Genuinely Nice Guy(tm)? And for future reference, how can I tell when someone is attempting to flirt? Any advice or opinion you could provide would be fabulous.



I would have to say I am also completely clueless in that I can never tell if I am imagining someones interest. The worst part is when they do speak to me or smile I feel like I am about to choke on my tongue and nothing much but garbled gibberish comes out lol. Or at least that is the way if feels at the time....the better looking he is the worse my reaction too:doh:

I wish I could give you some advice but I am looking forward to hearing what the other ladies think....


----------



## Hathor (Sep 14, 2009)

Doesn't sound like flirting if all he did was give you a megawatt smile and help you pick up change while not saying anything. 

Unless I am missing something because if a man wants to flirt with me, he needs to speak.


----------



## FatAndProud (Sep 14, 2009)

I believe that men that are flirting are obvious about it. I've had it happen before. It's awkward and leaves me stupidfied. I never acknowledge them, usually. But they try lol It's cute either way. It's the crude flirting that I don't really care for.


----------



## MsGreenLantern (Sep 14, 2009)

I'd say he was probably just really polite. I was convinced I was being flirted with 90% of the times in High School a guy picked something up I dropped, or helped me with my homework, but really...just a nice person. Who would be nice enough to help you with something and NOT smile nicely? Grumpy people don't usually go out of their way like that.


----------



## stubblygoodness7 (Sep 14, 2009)

I wasn't there, and even if I were there, who could know for sure? He could just be a sweet guy, or he could have totally wanted to make a million babies with you.

The way I deal with this conundrum is: if you see a cute guy, don't wait for him to flirt first...take the reins. Go for it. Be playful, be funny, have a good time. If he's interested in you, he'll most likely respond. If he isn't, he'll walk away. 

Vive la flirt!


----------



## Dr. Feelgood (Sep 14, 2009)

There's also the possibility that he WANTED to flirt but was just as tongue-tied as you were.


----------



## Cors (Sep 14, 2009)

stubblygoodness7 said:


> The way I deal with this conundrum is: if you see a cute guy, don't wait for him to flirt first...take the reins. Go for it. Be playful, be funny, have a good time. If he's interested in you, he'll most likely respond. If he isn't, he'll walk away.
> 
> Vive la flirt!



I totally agree! No more what-ifs!


----------



## olwen (Sep 14, 2009)

I think the guy was just being nice, especially if he didn't suggest you both have lunch together or go for coffee sometime or get your phone number. If you can get up the nerve, next time you can do the flirting yourself. Or just flirt without any expectations just for practice.


----------



## Tad (Sep 15, 2009)

Agreed with what everyone else has said. I'd add, from a guys point of view, that rumours to the contrary we do have settings between "not interested" and "hitting on you." As a result there is flirting.....and there _flirting_ if you get what I mean. 

As a nice guy he would help pick up your change.

As a nice guy who thought you were cute or interesting or whatever, but who was not trying to extend the contact for whatever reason, he would help you pick up your change and enjoy that excuse to interact with you a bit, and may make an extra effort to brighten your day. Flirt with you a bit, in other words, to hopefully mutual enjoyment.

As a (possibly but not necessarily nice) guy who did want a chance to get to know you, he would help you pick up your change, give you that smile, make a comment, and if he was feeling sufficiently confident offer to carry your tray for you to your table, to make sure you didn't have any more accidents (or something like that, some wedge to stretch things out). Then he's _flirting_! 

So to me it sounds like either a nice guy, or innocent flirting. Although in the second case he could have been just testing the waters or not sure if he should push things farther. You might want to go to the same place at the same time in the near future--if you see him nearby, glancing at you, then you can be pretty sure he's interested


----------



## mossystate (Sep 15, 2009)

From a woman's points of view...sometimes, a smile is just that. 

I help people who are in need of help. This includes men...men I would never...ever... want to date. 

If you want to know next time that happens, you will have to gather your wits about you and take the conversation reins. No matter what...you got a nice smile!


----------



## bigmac (Sep 15, 2009)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> There's also the possibility that he WANTED to flirt but was just as tongue-tied as you were.





olwen said:


> I think the guy was just being nice, especially if he didn't suggest you both have lunch together or go for coffee sometime or get your phone number.



There seems to be a pretty even split in the responses. However, I'm going to take Dr. Feelgood's side and here's why. This event happened in Calgary Alberta -- a city filled with guys just one step off the farm (I was one of them 20 years ago). In addition to producing great steaks, rural Alberta produces lots of socially clueless guys. Its not uncommon for such guys to be totally unable to muster more than a heartfelt smile when presented with a situation that calls for flirting.

The guys in Olwen's NYC are much more direct. When I moved to the USA I spent a year in the NYC area and was amazed at how forward people were. So if the smile in question had had happened in NYC I'd agree with Olwen -- but since it didn't I'll take Dr. Feelgood's side (who incidentally is also from an area with lots of cattle).

My advise would be if a guy flashes you a smile take the opportunity to start a conversation. I can't tell you how many times I had encounters like this and wished the girl would have started talking. On two occasions, when the girl in question did start talking, I ended up with long-term girl friends.


----------



## Tracii (Sep 16, 2009)

In your situation I think the looking deep into your eyes was a sign that he was deff interested.
A smile and quick short eye contact reveals some one not sure in himself but deep eye contact shows confidence.
When you get both thats quite special.
When I first met my guy I was pissed at my situation(airport baggage claim need I say more) and he offered to help me I refused at first but he just stood there looking at me and smiling.
While I was stomping my feet in a rage he started grining and let a few chuckles out I turned to him and he had the cutest smile and his eyes looked right into mine.All I could do was stare right back.
He read me like a book and I stood there like a deer caught in the headlights.
So that guy could have been flirting and been a genuinly nice polite guy all at the same time.


----------



## Mini (Sep 16, 2009)

You are all overlooking the possibility that he could have been trying to steal her change.


----------



## LisaInNC (Sep 16, 2009)

Mini said:


> You are all overlooking the possibility that he could have been trying to steal her change.



And probably did manage to slip a few coins in his pocket while she was dazzled by his smile.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Sep 26, 2009)

Count me in as one who is totally clueless when it comes to figuring out whether a man is flirting or not. Sometimes friends misinterpret "hints" as well. I had this friend, who was just really nice, and I really liked him, my friend kept telling me things he did meant he liked me, I ended up making an idiot out of myself, and breaking my own heart! Sadface.


----------



## bdog (Sep 27, 2009)

"yes" is better than "no", and "no" is about 100 times better than "what if?"

i think the lesson here is that you need to put yourself out there. it's not even about him.


----------



## AuntHen (Oct 10, 2009)

Here is my dilemma... I have heard that alot of "attractive" or "slender" men think that we fatties will hit on anyone and that we will take anything we can get (be it a glance, smile, date etc). Which of course is a big load of horse s***! I am sooooo picky and just because I might smile and say hello to a man walking by does not mean I want him. I was just raised with manners!! I think I have even noticed men make a point to look away or down, perhaps making sure I KNOW that he will not notice/regard some FAT CHICK walking his way (idiots). Anyway, so it has caused me to not be so polite and now I look down or away from men when they walk by (especially ones I do not find attractive) so that they do not think I WANT them (I mean please! you really think because I am fat that I will just settle for whatever walks by..pffft) :doh:

So, if one of those men happened to be interested in me and/or liked what he saw... I will miss out, because now my pride is in the way and my eye contact is nil...

Any advice? :bow:


----------



## supersizebbw (Oct 10, 2009)

fat9276 said:


> Here is my dilemma... I have heard that alot of "attractive" or "slender" men think that we fatties will hit on anyone and that we will take anything we can get (be it a glance, smile, date etc). Which of course is a big load of horse s***! I am sooooo picky and just because I might smile and say hello to a man walking by does not mean I want him. I was just raised with manners!! I think I have even noticed men make a point to look away or down, perhaps making sure I KNOW that he will not notice/regard some FAT CHICK walking his way (idiots). Anyway, so it has caused me to not be so polite and now I look down or away from men when they walk by (especially ones I do not find attractive) so that they do not think I WANT them (I mean please! you really think because I am fat that I will just settle for whatever walks by..pffft) :doh:
> 
> So, if one of those men happened to be interested in me and/or liked what he saw... I will miss out, because now my pride is in the way and my eye contact is nil...
> 
> Any advice? :bow:



i completely seem to be going through the same thing right now. unfortunately recently i've been in defense mode not because i want to be but because i've been meeting a whole bunch of jerks who feel that just because i'm fat they're doing me a favour and of course when i don't sleep with them they turn into complete trolls who are like 'so sorry you passed up this chance because you won't get any other'...total douche bags.

but of course always keeping my guard up means that i could actually miss out on guys who may genuinely be interested in me *sigh*


----------



## BBW4Chattery (Oct 12, 2009)

supersizebbw said:


> ....
> but of course always keeping my guard up means that i could actually miss out on guys who may genuinely be interested in me *sigh*



My girlfriends (back when I kept up with more than just daily living activities) used to tell me ALL the time that I would shoot guys daggers any time they looked at me. I had no idea I was doing it... then, they took a picture of me. Yup, any guy gives me attention while we are out, I give him a "die now" face.

I don't know if I ever got better or not... I sort of quit going out around the same time. It's weird, because outside of that one social setting, I'm a compulsive smiler. I guess I was just conditioned, there, to assume that these guys weren't going to be into me but would rather go for my skinny cute friends.


----------

