# BBW Events Gone to @*#T



## bigmac (Apr 6, 2010)

Since my wife won't be home till the end of the week I've got a lot of time to bitch about stuff. So today I thought I'd share an observation -- that BBW events used to be better in the good old days.

I went to my first BBW event in 1994 -- a dance put on by the Seattle NAAFA chapter. The hall was packed with people when I got there fashionably late. The crowd ranged in age from early twenties to fifties -- and everyone was extremely friendly -- I was invited to go to breakfast with a large group of people -- by the next morning I had the beginnings of a new group of friends. When I left the northwest for the east coast after grad school I had similar experiences at NAAFA dances in Baltimore, and BBW events in New Jersey (inc. Philly Bashes) and Massachusetts (circa 1999-2001). When I returned to the west coast in 2001 the BBW events in Martinez (Bay Area) and LA (Pam's Big Difference dances) were pretty cool.

Then somewhere between 2003 and 2005 things changed. Where previously BBW dances catered to a fairly wide age range the new BBW clubs (i.e. Club Bounce and its like) catered to the youngest cohort only. Previously it wasn't uncommon to hear a DJ play rock, Latin, country, and rap in one night -- now the DJs spun club and rap almost exclusively. In my opinion BBW clubs became fat parodies of trashy skinny girl nightclubs.

Bashes require more money -- and since older people with a few years in the workplace tend to have more money -- bashes didn't immediately follow this trend. At the 2004 and 2005 Vegas Bashes there was still good community spirit and a good mix of people. Unfortunately by 2007 the Vegas Bash had turned into a great big version of Club Bounce.

My personal theory is that 15 years ago fat people went to BBW events to get a break from a world that was not always easy to deal with -- they'd have fun, dance, and socialize without having to worry about what people thought and then on Monday went back to the real word. Now with the internet its possible to live in the BBW world 24/7. Ironically this spread of BBW culture has had the unintended consequence of undermining the social importance of BBW events. In 1994 Seattle the bi-monthly NAAFA dances were the only game in town so BBWs, FAs, BHM, and FFAs of all ages took advantage. Now, everyone has there own little online group and only the young party animals go to the BBW events.

I'm not sure I'm right -- it just seems to make sense. Or maybe I've become the old fart I never wanted to be.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Apr 6, 2010)

i'm not even a part of this social scene, so i'm guessing i should not be as wildly offended by your post as i am.

It seems that you are fetishizing fatties and FAs. Not "fetishizing" in a sexual sense, but you're placing heightened expectations on others due to either size or sexuality. You seem to think fat people and FA, marginalized as they are, are supposed to be kinder, classier, friendlier, and somehow different from skinny people. A fat social event is just that: a fat social event. Attendees are going to have trashy taste in music, maybe dress trashy, and maybe behave like jerks. Just like everyone else. The mere fact of fat positivity isn't going to trump human nature and it sure isn't going to trump something as pedantic as taste in music. 

Fat people and FA don't have any sort of imperative to behave a certain way or frankly be any nicer or more welcoming or friendlier than anyone else. Just because you, or your sexuality is somewhat outside the majority isn't going to change your personality.


----------



## thatgirl08 (Apr 6, 2010)

On one hand you're complaining that the music played and age group is different than it used to be and on the other you're saying BBW events hold little importance in the size acceptance/BBW/FA world now. I'm not really seeing how these things are related or how the former is evidence of the latter. I don't go to dances or bashes so I can't say anything specifically on whether either of those are really true. That said, even if they are, isn't it natural that as a group of people changes (i.e. some members leave and some come) then the atmosphere and such would change? Organizations change as membership changes. Maybe the way bashes are now is a reflection of how the majority want them. Just a thought. Also re: Club Bounce.. yes, it is a fatties version of a "trashy skinny girl club." That's exactly what it was intended to be. Being fat doesn't mean you don't like to skank it up, get drunk and dance. Obviously not all younger BBWs like to do that.. but neither do all thin girls. Once again, fat women and thin women are the same.. except the fat and thin part.


----------



## canadianfeeder66 (Apr 6, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> Fat people and FA don't have any sort of imperative to behave a certain way or frankly be any nicer or more welcoming or friendlier than anyone else. Just because you, or your sexuality is somewhat outside the majority isn't going to change your personality.



True, but it seems what he's saying is that they used to be a friendlier group. The (active) BBW and FA community is a small enough sample that it is quite possible for them to go against the norm (trust me, I'm a physicist...ok, I just really wanted to say that). By the same token, with a relatively small sample the age turnover is a huge deal. 1994 was 16 years ago - most of the internet generation is legal now, and the 50 and 60 year olds of parties past could be getting tired of the club scene.

So to sum up my rambling, it just looks like a new generation is starting to take the reigns


----------



## pdgujer148 (Apr 7, 2010)

canadianfeeder66 said:


> So to sum up my rambling, it just looks like a new generation is starting to take the reigns



I agree 100%. Good call.

There trace of geezer syndrome in the original post: "You kids get out of my event! What with your hippity-hop and funny clothes!"

(No offense meant to bigmac. I'm 40 and catch myself doing the same thing.)


----------



## SoVerySoft (Apr 7, 2010)

bigmac said:


> ...I went to my first BBW event in 1994 -- a dance put on by the Seattle NAAFA chapter....



Uh, dude. Back in the old days we WERE the young'uns and the bashes revolved around us, just like they revolve around the younger crowd today.

Let it go. I'm working on just that myself.


----------



## KHayes666 (Apr 7, 2010)

While one of my biggest (and only) complaints about dances/bashes is that they play too much god damn rap/latino crap....bashes/dances are still an amazing thing to attend and the people there more than make up for a lack of good music.

Hell, the night I met my g/f we left the dance midway through and went out to my car where I threw on some Allman Brothers and KISS. When all else fails you improvise


----------



## Forgotten_Futures (Apr 7, 2010)

I'm in the younger crowd, and I don't do the club scene for many of the reasons you just outlined... although, to be perfectly honest, I'm simply not into large group events in general.

Either way... clubs pretty much involve drinking, unflattering or excessively flattering outfits/makeup, and bad music. Although I at least like Eurodance and some of the "club dance" genres...

*shrugs*

All you really can do, as Hayes suggested, is to mod the scene to fit your tastes. Host your own bash, or circle the wagons and see just how good your car stereos are out in the parking lot (or just get a CD player or modern digital equivalent and a sufficiently portable speaker system). Give the youngins a taste of their own medicine and form your own little 80's rock clique (I'd join it).


----------



## Tau (Apr 7, 2010)

Clubs arent always going to play the music you like *shrugs* they try to play the music that pleases the majority of the crowds and most club going, dance crazy young people love hip hop and dance. As long as the people are still friendly, still about the cause, then it should be fine. My advice to you - caramel cake. It soothes me when I'm crabby .


----------



## bigmac (Apr 7, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> i'm not even a part of this social scene, so i'm guessing i should not be as wildly offended by your post as i am.
> 
> It seems that you are fetishizing fatties and FAs. Not "fetishizing" in a sexual sense, but you're placing heightened expectations on others due to either size or sexuality. You seem to think fat people and FA, marginalized as they are, are supposed to be kinder, classier, friendlier, and somehow different from skinny people. A fat social event is just that: a fat social event. Attendees are going to have trashy taste in music, maybe dress trashy, and maybe behave like jerks. Just like everyone else. The mere fact of fat positivity isn't going to trump human nature and it sure isn't going to trump something as pedantic as taste in music.
> 
> Fat people and FA don't have any sort of imperative to behave a certain way or frankly be any nicer or more welcoming or friendlier than anyone else. Just because you, or your sexuality is somewhat outside the majority isn't going to change your personality.



I agree with most of what you're saying. However, in the average sized world there are a broad range of social events to choose from -- some are totally trashy -- some not. I just don't see why BBW events have to emulate the trashiest version of mainstream society. 

And hey, even in the good old days as I remmember them there were jerks (and people who may not have been total jerks but played the part after a few too many drinks). I'm pretty sure I feel into the later catagory on at least a few occassions.


----------



## bigmac (Apr 7, 2010)

canadianfeeder66 said:


> True, but it seems what he's saying is that they used to be a friendlier group. The (active) BBW and FA community is a small enough sample that it is quite possible for them to go against the norm (trust me, I'm a physicist...ok, I just really wanted to say that). By the same token, with a relatively small sample the age turnover is a huge deal. 1994 was 16 years ago - most of the internet generation is legal now, and the 50 and 60 year olds of parties past could be getting tired of the club scene.
> 
> So to sum up my rambling, it just looks like a new generation is starting to take the reigns



Yes -- exactly -- looks like my fellow Canadians are the only ones who understand.

One of the reasons I started going to BBW events in 1994 is thats the year I moved to the USA. They didn't have BBW events in Canada back then (as I understand it they still don't have many). However, there were always at least a few fat girls at the clubs I went to in Edmonton. In the USA I immediately noticed that fat girls were almost totally absent at night spots and that the thin people at these night spots were quite unfriendly. When I started to go to BBW events I was blown away with how open and friendly everyone was. It seemed like the people organizing these events and the people attending them were doing their best to reach out to people.

Regarding the age and turnover issue. I've split my socializing time between BBW events and punk rock events. Over the years I've noticed that as the BBW events got less friendly and more narrowly focused on the trashiest element that punk gigs actually got friendlier and more diverse. One of the few nice things about Fresno is that there are several punk/alternative venues -- at the one I frequent I'm usually not the oldest guy there even though I'm 45. So yes change and turnover is inevitable -- but that doesn't have to be bad.


----------



## kayrae (Apr 7, 2010)

If you think the bbw events suck, create your own. That's what I did.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Apr 7, 2010)

bigmac said:


> I agree with most of what you're saying. However, in the average sized world there are a broad range of social events to choose from -- some are totally trashy -- some not. I just don't see why BBW events have to emulate the trashiest version of mainstream society.
> 
> And hey, even in the good old days as I remmember them there were jerks (and people who may not have been total jerks but played the part after a few too many drinks). I'm pretty sure I feel into the later catagory on at least a few occassions.



There are tons of posts on here with pictures and descriptions of fat social events. i really do not think all of them appear to"emulate the trashiest version of mainstream society". What you're missing is that fat people and FA are going to be _just like skinny people and just like those who are attracted to skinny people._ And if you were behaving like a jerk, it stands to reason that some fat women complained about you as that drunken jerk FA and maybe even got annoyed that the friendly, welcoming, non-trashy atmosphere they were seeking wasn't so nice.


----------



## KHayes666 (Apr 7, 2010)

The only things that separate a night at the roxbury and a bbw dance is size, because what goes on inside one is interchangable to the patrons.

You'll have your good crowds and your bad crowds, your excessive drinkers and over flirtacious girls caked with pancake makeup. You'll have your players and your break dancers and you'll have your people who's been around the block so many times they have headaches. You'll have your girls and boys who will shake your hand and say hi to your face and then when you walk away trash talk you. You'll have your cliques and your social groups and you'll have a DJ that won't play what you want half (or in my case a tenth) of the time.

The point is none of these things are exclusive to one club or dance. No matter where you go every club or dance has its own story to tell and size really has nothing to do with it.

Dances are what YOU make of it, it can be fun or hopeless depending on how you act and view it. Make it fun if you can


----------



## TallFatSue (Apr 7, 2010)

canadianfeeder66 said:


> So to sum up my rambling, it just looks like a new generation is starting to take the reigns


Well said. Yep, a new generation is at the helm, I'm aging out of it and I'm finally coming to grips with it. It's not necessarily better or worse, simply different.

However, methinx it's also the regular pendulum of society. It wouldn't surprise me if 10 or 15 years from now, that future generation reacts against the present generation, and I'll feel right at home again with those young'uns, even though I'll be well into my 60s. That sort of thing has happened before. 


kayrae said:


> If you think the bbw events suck, create your own. That's what I did.


Yes indeedy, that's kinda what we've been doing too. More couples we know around our age are empty-nesters now and have more spare time and money to socialize than they used to. Instead of clubbing, though, we take daytrips or overnight getaways, or just plain spend a day together. Fat isn't necessarily what brings us together, although it's a big plus (both literally and figuratively  ) for us SSBBW because we feel so doggone comfortable hanging out (again both literally and figuratively  ) in each other's company. And it's no bad thing if our husbands think our fat improves the scenery. :smitten:


----------



## collared Princess (Apr 7, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> While one of my biggest (and only) complaints about dances/bashes is that they play too much god damn rap/latino crap....bashes/dances are still an amazing thing to attend and the people there more than make up for a lack of good music.
> 
> Hell, the night I met my g/f we left the dance midway through and went out to my car where I threw on some Allman Brothers and KISS. When all else fails you improvise




Umm one of my best friends and her husband are latino and go with us to the bashes..they rarley play thier music..so watch what you say..you are talking about a certian ethenticity that is just as deserving of thier music as we are ours...


----------



## wrestlingguy (Apr 7, 2010)

Before I respond in this thread, I need to question why it's on the Main Board.

Can someone explain what this has to do with Weight/Size Acceptance issues.


----------



## disconnectedsmile (Apr 7, 2010)

bigmac said:


> Previously it wasn't uncommon to hear a DJ play rock, Latin, country, and rap in one night -- now the DJs spun club and rap almost exclusively. In my opinion BBW clubs became fat parodies of trashy skinny girl nightclubs.



i've been saying this for months, and no one seems to give a flip.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 7, 2010)

wrestlingguy said:


> Before I respond in this thread, I need to question why it's on the Main Board.
> 
> Can someone explain what this has to do with Weight/Size Acceptance issues.



Somebody is scared to *&%#@ talk on the BBW board?


----------



## tonynyc (Apr 7, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Somebody is scared to *&%#@ talk on the BBW board?



*Now.. now.. we can't have any scared folks in Dims *


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 7, 2010)

tonynyc said:


> *Now.. now.. we can't have any scared folks in Dims *



We have weapons of torture on the BBW board.....can't blame someone for avoiding it


----------



## wrestlingguy (Apr 7, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Somebody is scared to *&%#@ talk on the BBW board?




Nah, I think it was posted here to stir the pot a bit. There is a general event board, but I'm gonna guess and say the OP decided it would be a bit more sensational here.

Obviously, I have a lot to say on this topic, but would rather not until a mod addresses why the grandstanding is allowed to continue.


----------



## superodalisque (Apr 7, 2010)

i do kinda think the events in general have gone down since i started a few years ago. i haven't gone to all of them of course but there is an element that seems to be much more visible than they use to be. i'm not sure if its just because i'm noticing now or because things are changing. the first year i went to the vegas bash (2006) it was completely wonderful for me. dimsfolk kind of protected me from the harsh stuff because they knew i was a 1st timer. it was really a wonderful atmosphere. but the last time i went it seemed sort of trashy to me. other people have mentioned the same. one FA went as far as to describe it as a BBW trailer park with lots of women looking cheap and over exposed. another FA told me he was embarrassed when those outside the bash asked him about the goings on. i had heard that they are trying to clean things up a bit now and i was glad because i loved to have a place to see my friends from the west coast together one place.

i know a lot of people who are really tired and bored by the meat markety stuff. after you've done so many club nights and pool parties year after year after year with virtually no changes or creativity it hardly seems worth the effort at times. if it wasn't for the fact that i would miss out on seeing so many great people that i've met i proably wouldn't bother going anymore. i've been talking about this lately to a lot of people who have dropped out of the scene. they'd love to have some place they could go and take their friends and family and not have to worry about what they are going to see when they get there and maybe educate a few friends. but, they can't really do that at most of the bashes. i think they also want to actually do something when they go to besides basically sit around and eat. i think they just want an event that feels normal. but i think its kinda hard to make them feel normal since for a lot of folks its the only time they ever go out and they feel a need to kick up their heels in a big and sometimes inappropriate way. a lot of people have just dropped out and gone off with friends to have their own activities that suit their personalities better. its probably just natural that people start to outgrow certain things after a point.

the net might be undermining events somewhat but i don't think real people compare to the cyber stuff very well. part if it might also be that its much more acceptable to be fat than it was 15 or 20 yrs ago. BBWs have nicer clothing so they can dress like their smaller friends and not feel quite so different. when i get dragged out by my students here i notice that there are a lot more fat young people out and about in regular society than there was when i was a girl. but thats said the south has never really been all that anti fat anyway. so maybe there is just a diminishing need since there are more fat peopel generally anyway?


----------



## AnnMarie (Apr 7, 2010)

wrestlingguy said:


> Before I respond in this thread, I need to question why it's on the Main Board.
> 
> Can someone explain what this has to do with Weight/Size Acceptance issues.




The thread has been discussed among the moderation staff and our feeling is that this is the proper placement for the thread. It's a combination of "changing community" and how that may or may not be reflected in events that support the community. 

The only place it would be moved alternately is HP, and there's no need, at this time, to make that choice.


/mod


----------



## Kinnaird (Apr 7, 2010)

Think yourself lucky!

The nearest thing I get to a "Bash" in Scotland is if some larger girls and I are standing at the same bus stop after a night out at an 80s club in Glasgow...

We'd kill for an evening of rap music and feeling slightly older than our contemporaries!


----------



## joswitch (Apr 7, 2010)

bigmac said:


> Then somewhere between 2003 and 2005 things changed. Where previously BBW dances catered to a fairly wide age range the new BBW clubs (i.e. Club Bounce and its like) catered to the youngest cohort only. Previously it wasn't uncommon to hear a DJ play rock, Latin, country, and rap in one night -- now the DJs spun club and rap almost exclusively. In my opinion BBW clubs became fat parodies of trashy skinny girl nightclubs.



Think yourself lucky mate - although the peeps at BGP (over here in UK) have always been cool when I went, the music has always been bloody terrible... a cross between the worst wedding reception ever... IN HELL! and the worst tuneless shite, sludgy, soulless R&B... In other words, exactly = to mainstream clubs... :sigh: I know a bunch of folks who get together for other big folks / FA / feedism socials who don't tend to bother with BGP, just cos the music was (is? I've not been for a while) soooo stab-yourself-in-the-ears with pencils terrible...:shrugs:


----------



## KHayes666 (Apr 7, 2010)

collared Princess said:


> Umm one of my best friends and her husband are latino and go with us to the bashes..they rarley play thier music..so watch what you say..you are talking about a certian ethenticity that is just as deserving of thier music as we are ours...



I'm not judging an ethnicity nor am I complaining about playing latino music in general. 

I'm saying how a lot of people want the DJ's to mix it up....maybe play some 80's new wave, some 70's disco, maybe some 90's dance along with the glut of hip/hop. Playing non-stop hip/hop and Daddy Yankee just takes the fun out of it sometimes.


----------



## Saoirse (Apr 7, 2010)

well I like bagpipes, fiddles and bodhrans. Think I hear any of that stuff?


----------



## Kinnaird (Apr 7, 2010)

Your best chance of hearing some bagpipes is probably if someone spun Mull of Kintyre?


----------



## joswitch (Apr 7, 2010)

collared Princess said:


> Umm one of my best friends and her husband are latino and go with us to the bashes..they rarley play thier music..so watch what you say..you are talking about a certian ethenticity that is just as deserving of thier music as we are ours...




1) the OP isn't talking about a "certain ethnicity" he's talking about a genre of music. Which is clear from the context.
2) is OK to be as ridiculously, passionately, partisan as you like about music (but try to stop short of snotty or violent). Cos music is NOT people. Music is art. It is a thing. It does not have feelings.
and
3) just cos you are a "certain ethnicity" doesn't mean that you like that music stereotypically associated with that ethnicity...
For instance: I lived & worked in Mexico for half a year - while a lot of folks there were well into their ranchero (Mexican country music) they were also big into 50 Cent and a lot of other US rappers....

For the record that Daddy Yankee song about "culo" - I like that! at least you can dance to it! Same goes for a lot of Shakira.. 
There's good stuff in a lot/most genres... unfortunately most mainstream club DJs can't bloody dance to save their lives so they have no sense of how to keep a dancefloor grooving... :doh:


----------



## joswitch (Apr 7, 2010)

Saoirse said:


> well I like bagpipes, fiddles and bodhrans. Think I hear any of that stuff?



You should come over to the UK, we've folkies comin' out the walls!  You'd love it!


----------



## Saoirse (Apr 7, 2010)

joswitch said:


> You should come over to the UK, we've folkies comin' out the walls!  You'd love it!



believe me, if I had the money, my fat ass would be in Ireland in a split second.


----------



## exile in thighville (Apr 7, 2010)

it's a little douchey to conflate black music with trashiness

or skinniness for that matter. i know some fatties who can go toe to ring-clad toe on that one.


----------



## FatAndProud (Apr 7, 2010)

Aye, I love me some european punk....like the late 70's/early 80s....mmm


----------



## chicken legs (Apr 7, 2010)

bigmac said:


> Since my wife won't be home till the end of the week I've got a lot of time to bitch about stuff.
> 
> 
> . Or maybe I've become the old fart I never wanted to be.



A. That line tickled me to no end....lol:happy:

B. Yes you have become the old fart you never wanted to be....it happens to the best of us...lol


----------



## bigmac (Apr 7, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Somebody is scared to *&%#@ talk on the BBW board?




Last time I talked *&%#@ on the BBW board I got banned.


----------



## thatgirl08 (Apr 7, 2010)

Wait, they play club music at clubs.............
this is surprising why?


----------



## bigmac (Apr 7, 2010)

Saoirse said:


> well I like bagpipes, fiddles and bodhrans. Think I hear any of that stuff?




I know they'll never play anything I like (I know I have rather unusual taste) -- but even the worst wedding DJ could do better than some to the guys spinning at BBW clubs.


----------



## DitzyBrunette (Apr 7, 2010)

joswitch said:


> 3) just cos you are a "certain ethnicity" doesn't mean that you like that music stereotypically associated with that ethnicity...



Awesome post (in its entirety) but snipped for this ^. I'm half Puerto Rican and A, don't speak a word of Spanish and B, you couldn't pay me enough to spend an evening listening to Spanish music. I can't stand it. Partly because of the area I grew up in and live in where that sort of music was all over the place, all the time, overplayed to death (you know it's summer when you hear it playing LOUD from every car that passes your window and all your neighbors blast it from their radios on their stoops) and partly because I don't understand it and it just isn't my style. I'm also half "white girl" and don't enjoy The Spice Girls or Britney Spears, so.. music isn't all about ethnicity.


----------



## HereticFA (Apr 7, 2010)

SoVerySoft said:


> Uh, dude. Back in the old days we WERE the young'uns and the bashes revolved around us, just like they revolve around the younger crowd today.
> 
> Let it go. I'm working on just that myself.



Hi five!

(I just wish I could go back in time with my wife to those NAAFA Conventions in the early 90's. They were such magical times for me. I wish I could share them with her.)


----------



## HereticFA (Apr 8, 2010)

bigmac said:


> My personal theory is that 15 years ago fat people went to BBW events to get a break from a world that was not always easy to deal with -- they'd have fun, dance, and socialize without having to worry about what people thought and then on Monday went back to the real word. Now with the internet its possible to live in the BBW world 24/7. Ironically this spread of BBW culture has had the unintended consequence of undermining the social importance of BBW events. In 1994 Seattle the bi-monthly NAAFA dances were the only game in town so BBWs, FAs, BHM, and FFAs of all ages took advantage. Now, everyone has there own little online group and only the young party animals go to the BBW events.


It's due to several sociological aspects: baby boomers aging out of the club scene (we grew up with _American Bandstand_, _Midnight Special_, fat oppression, few choices in clothes that fit, and a politically charged era), Gen-Xers, -Yers and Millenials aging _into_ the club scene (they grew up in a time of little social unrest with _MTV_, _Telemundo_, the products of the first generations of Fat Acceptance (NAAFA, BBW Magazine, and choices in clothes that fit) and numerous fat positive media exposures.

If anything, you should look at the current fat club scene as proof positive that we old timers did make a difference. And realize we old timers got to experience good times and deep relationships the newcomers will probably never know. Just as hopefully the newcomers will get to experience lives without the depth of fat prejudice and social/relationship isolation so many of us did experience. It all averages out.

(Hmm, a Fat Club that plays 80's and 90's music: count me in!)


----------



## wrench13 (Apr 8, 2010)

Saoirse said:


> well I like bagpipes, fiddles and bodhrans. Think I hear any of that stuff?



I think I'm in luv! You HAVE to get over to Fiddlehell in Nov, and its in Mass , too!


----------



## GregW (Apr 8, 2010)

First size-positive event I attended was the Miami Beach Bash in 1997. That's about as far as I go back in the scene. I think most of today's events/organizations can fit into one of three categories: nightclub, weekend meeting of online friends, or activism-oriented.


----------



## TallFatSue (Apr 8, 2010)

Small wonder I'm no clubber: I love classical music! Think I hear any of that stuff? I sure can't fit my ultra-plush tush into regular @*#T concert hall seats! Maybe hubby & I need to go to fancy dress balls where we can waltz the night away, or until my feet complain.  Anyway even though I'm not into the fat club scene, it is just plain awesome they exist at all. Once again, proof positive we fat folks of a certain age helped pave the way for the next generations, simply by putting ourselves out there and not accepting second best. Some of my younger supersize cousins have said they considered me a role model of sorts when they were growing up, simply because I was fat and was doing just fine. Nice to know I made things a little better for them simply being myself, and other fat people in my generation have done the same. Yes indeedy, the best form of fat activism is simply to set a positive example, and to try to make the world a little better than we found it. 


Saoirse said:


> well I like bagpipes, fiddles and bodhrans. Think I hear any of that stuff?





bigmac said:


> I know they'll never play anything I like (I know I have rather unusual taste) -- but even the worst wedding DJ could do better than some to the guys spinning at BBW clubs.





HereticFA said:


> If anything, you should look at the current fat club scene as proof positive that we old timers did make a difference. And realize we old timers got to experience good times and deep relationships the newcomers will probably never know. Just as hopefully the newcomers will get to experience lives without the depth of fat prejudice and social/relationship isolation so many of us did experience. It all averages out.
> 
> (Hmm, a Fat Club that plays 80's and 90's music: count me in!)


----------



## HereticFA (Apr 8, 2010)

GregW said:


> I think most of today's events/organizations can fit into one of three categories: nightclub, weekend meeting of online friends, or activism-oriented.


I suspect that's another one of the issues. Instead of all three facets (social, support & activism) being involved at an event (with three different groups of personalities), the events are developing into somewhat of a monoculture. It makes it easier to manage the event but the attendees get shortchanged from the unbalanced cultural exposure.


----------



## HereticFA (Apr 8, 2010)

Saoirse said:


> well I like bagpipes, fiddles and bodhrans. Think I hear any of that stuff?


Very doubtful at a fat bash. On the other hand, there's usually plenty of fat lads and lasses at your local Celtic music festival. (Probably as many as most fat bashes.)
Me & the missus at the 2010 North Texas Irish Festival last month. 

View attachment NTIF_2010_sm.jpg


----------



## LillyBBBW (Apr 8, 2010)

No matter what you do there will always be people who will complain about the music. Try to please everyone? Everyone will pout and say, "They don't play enough ______________." As to the original question, the styling had to change. After a while you have the same old farts coming out to the dances. Their attendence naturally becomes less and less as their life progresses. People in our demographic may come out once every three to four months? I admit I stopped being a regular at dances years and years ago and people who say, "I wanna hear bagpipes!" aren't going to go either. Most of the folks I hoed down with at dances aren't interested like they were then. We're all old and decrepid now. The folks who run dances can't even generate enough money to keep the thing from folding in on itself if they cater it to people who will only go three times a year. They have to appeal to a broader audience. It boils down to business and our demographic just isn't worth the concern.


----------



## Weeze (Apr 8, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> Fat people and FA don't have any sort of imperative to behave a certain way or frankly be any nicer or more welcoming or friendlier than anyone else. Just because you, or your sexuality is somewhat outside the majority isn't going to change your personality.



Quote for Troof.


----------



## KendraLee (Apr 8, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> While one of my biggest (and only) complaints about dances/bashes is that they play too much god damn rap/latino crap....bashes/dances are still an amazing thing to attend and the people there more than make up for a lack of good music.
> 
> Hell, the night I met my g/f we left the dance midway through and went out to my car where I threw on some Allman Brothers and KISS. When all else fails you improvise



What! No Sir Mix-A-Lot?

 Sorry, It was too good to pass up.


----------



## Kinnaird (Apr 8, 2010)

I still want to know how Sir Mix a Lot got that knighthood...

I can donate the CD single for Baby Got Back for any club nights should anyone need it, worth having for the B Side Can't Slip...

Er...carry on


----------



## Saoirse (Apr 8, 2010)

wrench13 said:


> I think I'm in luv! You HAVE to get over to Fiddlehell in Nov, and its in Mass , too!



Oooh Ive heard of Fiddle Hell, but never actually went. This may have to be the year I go!




HereticFA said:


> Very doubtful at a fat bash. On the other hand, there's usually plenty of fat lads and lasses at your local Celtic music festival. (Probably as many as most fat bashes.)
> Me & the missus at the 2010 North Texas Irish Festival last month.



Summer=festivals! I used to go to a lot when I was in a bagpipe band, but I still make it to a few every year. There's one in CT in July that I volunteer at, and then Irish 2000 up in Ballston Spa NY- this one is HUGE and a lot of my favorite Celtic rock band play! Actually this weekend, Im going to NYC for the Tartan Day celebrations! I love this stuff!


----------



## thatgirl08 (Apr 8, 2010)

HereticFA said:


> It's due to several sociological aspects: baby boomers aging out of the club scene (we grew up with _American Bandstand_, _Midnight Special_, fat oppression, few choices in clothes that fit, and a politically charged era), Gen-Xers, -Yers and Millenials aging _into_ the club scene (they grew up in a time of little social unrest with _MTV_, _Telemundo_, the products of the first generations of Fat Acceptance (NAAFA, BBW Magazine, and choices in clothes that fit) and numerous fat positive media exposures.
> 
> If anything, you should look at the current fat club scene as proof positive that we old timers did make a difference. And realize we old timers got to experience good times and deep relationships the newcomers will probably never know. Just as hopefully the newcomers will get to experience lives without the depth of fat prejudice and social/relationship isolation so many of us did experience. It all averages out.
> 
> (Hmm, a Fat Club that plays 80's and 90's music: count me in!)



How the fuck does MTV make me feel good about being fat? Also I didn't realize fat prejudice was completely eliminated. Someone let NAAFA know, cause apparently it's all just a-okay now~ and we probably don't need them anymore.


----------



## Tau (Apr 8, 2010)

I think one of the biggest problems with the fat scene is that its dominantly a singles scene. It would be amazing if there were events, as big as the various dances, that catered to 'fat' families. It would also be a bit more of a grounding example to the entire movment and community. Please note though that I'm spekaing as somebody who's never been to a dance or bash - perhaps this already exists and isnt as evident as the crazy, party, singles scene.


----------



## Paquito (Apr 8, 2010)

HereticFA said:


> It's due to several sociological aspects: baby boomers aging out of the club scene (we grew up with _American Bandstand_, _Midnight Special_, *fat oppression*, few choices in clothes that fit, and a politically charged era), Gen-Xers, -Yers and Millenials aging _into_ the club scene (they grew up in a time of little social unrest with _MTV_, _Telemundo_, the products of the first generations of Fat Acceptance (NAAFA, BBW Magazine, and choices in clothes that fit) and numerous fat positive media exposures.
> 
> If anything, you should look at the current fat club scene as proof positive that we old timers did make a difference. And realize we old timers got to experience good times and deep relationships the newcomers will probably never know. Just as hopefully the newcomers will get to experience lives without the depth of fat prejudice and social/relationship isolation so many of us did experience. It all averages out.
> 
> (Hmm, a Fat Club that plays 80's and 90's music: count me in!)



You're right, my generation has faced no fat prejudice at all. The fight's been over for a long time. Nope, this generation contributed nothing because it was all wrapped up by the generation before us.

Which is why the NAAFA and Dims still exist.


----------



## Red (Apr 8, 2010)

I've been to a few US bashes and to a few BGP nights here in England, some were better than others but I put it down to you have to make your own fun. If you're with nice people that are friendly and the music is eclectic then you're good to go. The music at BGP really isn't my cup of tea but to be honest most 'normal' nights out with my other friends end up with me whining about the music so I don't know if it's my age or what but I have yet to find the 'perfect' club/night out.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Apr 8, 2010)

As always you sum it up really well here. I partly feel that I should just zip my lip when I see threads like this. 

Like all things in life there are good aspects and bad. If you focus on how the music is not quiet your taste or the girl or guy you were hoping to be there isn't or if they are they are not paying enough attention to you. 

I think what Randi said too hits home. As we get older or as our attitude changes we may not think events are as fun as they once were. I know they have changed a lot for me over the years but I do know that there are always good people there they I love to see.

It would be sad to me that someone may see a negative thread like this and become even more reluctant to participate in a party. 





LillyBBBW said:


> No matter what you do there will always be people who will complain about the music. Try to please everyone? Everyone will pout and say, "They don't play enough ______________." As to the original question, the styling had to change. After a while you have the same old farts coming out to the dances. Their attendence naturally becomes less and less as their life progresses. People in our demographic may come out once every three to four months? I admit I stopped being a regular at dances years and years ago and people who say, "I wanna hear bagpipes!" aren't going to go either. Most of the folks I hoed down with at dances aren't interested like they were then. We're all old and decrepid now. The folks who run dances can't even generate enough money to keep the thing from folding in on itself if they cater it to people who will only go three times a year. They have to appeal to a broader audience. It boils down to business and our demographic just isn't worth the concern.


----------



## superodalisque (Apr 8, 2010)

well, club music is club music for a reason. generally its just more danceable. thats why even when people play a variety of music you see more people on the floor when its played.


----------



## KHayes666 (Apr 8, 2010)

Kinnaird said:


> I still want to know how Sir Mix a Lot got that knighthood...
> 
> I can donate the CD single for Baby Got Back for any club nights should anyone need it, worth having for the B Side Can't Slip...
> 
> Er...carry on



Oh don't worry, they play that all the times at the bbw dances. Hell I break out my best moves when it comes on 

THAT kind of song can be enjoyed by everyone in the audience.


----------



## HereticFA (Apr 8, 2010)

thatgirl08 said:


> How the fuck does MTV make me feel good about being fat? Also I didn't realize fat prejudice was completely eliminated. Someone let NAAFA know, cause apparently it's all just a-okay now~ and we probably don't need them anymore.





free2beme04 said:


> You're right, my generation has faced no fat prejudice at all. The fight's been over for a long time. Nope, this generation contributed nothing because it was all wrapped up by the generation before us.
> 
> Which is why the NAAFA and Dims still exist.



No, MTV has influence on peoples expectation of a club environment. I didn't say it had anything to do with fat acceptance.

Fat prejudice is shifting, it's not gone. The difference is now there are "safe spaces" in the form of the bashes, dances, publications and websites. Those safe spaces didn't exist 40 years ago. (Look at the stress some people have when the _Dimensions_ website hiccups and goes down for a couple of days.) And if you complain about someone mistreating you because of your weight, you're more likely to receive a sympathetic audience with a school official or an HR representative due to the efforts of the generation you're dissing.


----------



## Paquito (Apr 9, 2010)

HereticFA said:


> No, MTV has influence on peoples expectation of a club environment. I didn't say it had anything to do with fat acceptance.
> 
> Fat prejudice is shifting, it's not gone. The difference is now there are "safe spaces" in the form of the bashes, dances, publications and websites. Those safe spaces didn't exist 40 years ago. (Look at the stress some people have when the _Dimensions_ website hiccups and goes down for a couple of days.) And if you complain about someone mistreating you because of your weight, you're more likely to receive a sympathetic audience with a school official or an HR representative due to the efforts of the generation you're dissing.



Yea, *we're* the ones dissing a generation. Funny, no where in either of our posts did we say that the generation before us contributed nothing. OF COURSE THEY DID. But the fight wasn't won; we're still fighting for size acceptance today. It's ignorant to say that our generation hasn't had its own share of problems.


----------



## HereticFA (Apr 9, 2010)

free2beme04 said:


> Yea, *we're* the ones dissing a generation. Funny, no where in either of our posts did we say that the generation before us contributed nothing. OF COURSE THEY DID. But the fight wasn't won; we're still fighting for size acceptance today. It's ignorant to say that our generation hasn't had its own share of problems.


The level of fat oppression today is a subset of what existed 40 years ago. And most importantly, the fight for Fat Acceptance will never be "won". With each generation in society, a new group comes into power with the innate human prejudices against fat. The best anyone can hope for is a balanced tug of war between opposing viewpoints. This underscores the importance of a Fat Acceptance infrastructure to give each new generation of fat folks the skills and information to defend themselves.


----------



## Blackjack (Apr 9, 2010)

HereticFA said:


> The level of fat oppression today is a subset of what existed 40 years ago. And most importantly, the fight for Fat Acceptance will never be "won". With each generation in society, a new group comes into power with the innate human prejudices against fat. The best anyone can hope for is a balanced tug of war between opposing viewpoints. This underscores the importance of a Fat Acceptance infrastructure to give each new generation of fat folks the skills and information to defend themselves.



So I went to a psychic and learned that in a past life I was also an FA.

Which means that I've been in the movement longer than you and I'm older than you so my words have more merit.


----------



## TallFatSue (Apr 9, 2010)

Blackjack said:


> So I went to a psychic and learned that in a past life I was also an FA.
> 
> Which means that I've been in the movement longer than you and I'm older than you so my words have more merit.


Well, if some FAs were also FAs in past lives, that's the best explanation yet of why some of us were born to be fat. We fill a genuine need. For all I know, considering how my earthly life has gone so far, I might have even volunteered.

Stork: "Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to struggle through life as a spoiled rotten, high-maintenance trophy wife."
Embryonic Sue: "So far so good. What's the catch?"
Stork: "You'll also need to haul around 2/3 of your body weight as fat."
Embryonic Sue (thinking it over): "I'm your girl, sir."

Welllll, it didn't exactly turn out that way, but close enough.


----------



## Blackjack (Apr 9, 2010)

TallFatSue said:


> Well, if some FAs were also FAs in past lives, that's the best explanation yet of why some of us were born to be fat. We fill a genuine need. For all I know, considering how my earthly life has gone so far, I might have even volunteered.
> 
> Stork: "Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to struggle through life as a spoiled rotten, high-maintenance trophy wife."
> Embryonic Sue: "So far so good. What's the catch?"
> ...



Congratulations, you completely missed my point and turned the conversation to yourself.

Again.


----------



## HappyFatChick (Apr 9, 2010)

The dances used to be fun. Now they're mostly young punks and lots of techno music. The national events are boring.


----------



## bigmac (Apr 9, 2010)

HappyFatChick said:


> The dances used to be fun. Now they're mostly young punks and lots of techno music. The national events are boring.



As an old punk I'll take exception. The events would be better if punks actually attended. But since the punk rock scene is actually quite size friendly they don't need to.

The punk band NOFX has a great BBW song titled "That's Why I Love Her." Kicks the hell out of Sir Mix a Lot.


----------



## HappyFatChick (Apr 9, 2010)

bigmac said:


> As an old punk I'll take exception. The events would be better if punks actually attended. But since the punk rock scene is actually quite size friendly they don't need to.
> 
> The punk band NOFX has a great BBW song titled "That's Why I Love Her." Kicks the hell out of Sir Mix a Lot.



I didn't mean punk as in punk rock. I mean punks--kids with no morals, ethics, dignity, common sense, behavior clues or decency. And with REALLY crappy taste in music.


----------



## Blackjack (Apr 9, 2010)

HappyFatChick said:


> I didn't mean punk as in punk rock. I mean punks--kids with no morals, ethics, dignity, common sense, behavior clues or decency. And with REALLY crappy taste in music.



Nice to see that your trolling technique hasn't changed a bit in the three years you were gone.


----------



## HappyFatChick (Apr 9, 2010)

Blackjack said:


> Nice to see that your trolling technique hasn't changed a bit in the three years you were gone.



I don't troll. I post the truth. You can call it "trolling". I don't care. I wasn't gone. I have been in touch via PM with friends here. Nice you see you haven't changed a bit. Personal-attacker.


----------



## thatgirl08 (Apr 9, 2010)

HereticFA said:


> Fat prejudice is shifting, it's not gone. The difference is now there are "safe spaces" in the form of the bashes, dances, publications and websites. Those safe spaces didn't exist 40 years ago. (Look at the stress some people have when the _Dimensions_ website hiccups and goes down for a couple of days.) And if you complain about someone mistreating you because of your weight, you're more likely to receive a sympathetic audience with a school official or an HR representative due to the efforts of the generation you're dissing.



This is absolute bullshit. I love Dimensions, and someday I'd really like to be able to go to a bash.. and yes, to a VERY SMALL extent these things have made my life better.. that said, everyday I still have to go into the real world where 99.9999999999999% of the people I encounter don't know or care about Dims, bashes, etc. This just in: PEOPLE STILL HATE FAT PEOPLE. I don't live my life on this site or at a bash.. I live it in reality. I have to work harder than other people at my job because they assume that just because I'm fat, I'm incompetent and lazy. I have to worry when I go into school about whether or not there is going to be a desk that can accommodate me. I go out with my friends and I hope that the club we go to will let me in because I'm with a few conventionally attractive girls or that the waitress will seat us somewhere I can fit. I spend time with my mom and she tries to "help" me with her weight loss advice or I go to my grandparents house and they berate me for my weight. And recently, I've found out *exactly* how some of my friends from high school thought about me & what I look like. When someone is talking shit about me or lecturing me about weight loss or treating me like I'm the last person on earth they'd want to talk to.. I don't think about Dims or the possibility of an upcoming bash and feel a-ok again. I still wish I could crash diet my way into a size zero and move the fuck on.


----------



## Lamia (Apr 10, 2010)

Personally, I think fat hate is getting worse, not better. When I was a kid sure I got picked on all the time for being fat, but I didn't have to watch the news every night making fat an epidemic. You're a disease now. You're crippling healthcare. etc etc. Some dillhole on DR. Phil was talking about 11% obesity rate affecting healthcare. I wonder how much of that percentage is actual problems related to obesity and how much is every health problem where the patient was obese was thrown into the mix. i.e. accidents and such.
I cringe to think of what fat kids are going through in school right now.


----------



## HappyFatChick (Apr 10, 2010)

80% of adult Americans are overweight. One third are obese. We are becoming the majority. It's time to stop apologizing/feeling bad. Be proud of who you are. People will not treat you badly unless you let them.


----------



## exile in thighville (Apr 10, 2010)

Lamia said:


> Personally, I think fat hate is getting worse, not better.



it's both actually.

hereticfa's right in a sense; we have "safe spaces" now. to access an alternative to their bad self-esteem and poor body image, fat girls only need come across a special password by chance: BBW. adolescent guys looking for fat (or even feeder porn) at this stage can't possibly think they're alone when a google search turns up a ton of clips4sales, cartoons, morphs, stories, and - something i couldn't have dreamed ten years ago - lots of women who are game (or gasp, even have the fetish themselves!).

but either in spite of this or because of it, fat shame, particularly from the health end, is now officially ok for tv networks/magazines/mainstream media to shove down our eyes and ears - the biggest loser, films portraying FAs as freaks and fat women as perpetually unhappy, and even marketing networks such as torrid putting a ceiling on the level of fat they'll allow to portray as acceptably still-attractive.

not to mention politicians (or presidents) who think it's ok to write legislation requiring schoolkids' weight to be listed on their report cards (or shame their daughters on television). this is the biggest issue i've ever had with the idea of big government. fat cost-benefit analyses are disturbingly underresearched (particularly when statistics have quietly shown abdominal below-the-waist fat as being healthy) in proportion to a negative publicity campaign that's been overfunded/repeated as nauseum by plenty of complacent-to-reprehensible doctors and a good lot of others without medical degrees.

fat fear and fat-positive awareness are both at an all-time high.


----------



## exile in thighville (Apr 10, 2010)

oh, i also forgot about this point i meant to stick in there:

"safe spaces" - that said, did we actually _need_ these? we weren't "unsafe" to begin with. your friends would look at you weird if you said you were happy being fat or that you liked fat chicks, but you were less likely to get beaten up or arrested for that like people of other persuasions who've needed "safe spaces" historically. and even on dimensions, the fetishists feel persecuted by non-fetishists, non-paysite models express bitterness towards paysite models, and fas try to hit on girls by proving they're holier-than-other-fas.

i'm not saying the community shouldn't exist and that these situations prevail, but there's no such thing as a "safe space" really, and demanding that fat people stop acting unsatisfied-to-disgruntled about issues within the one they have is going to get balked at.


----------



## bigmac (Apr 10, 2010)

thatgirl08 said:


> This is absolute bullshit. I love Dimensions, and someday I'd really like to be able to go to a bash.. and yes, to a VERY SMALL extent these things have made my life better.. that said, everyday I still have to go into the real world where 99.9999999999999% of the people I encounter don't know or care about Dims, bashes, etc. This just in: PEOPLE STILL HATE FAT PEOPLE. I don't live my life on this site or at a bash.. I live it in reality.




This post made me very sad. That people go out of their way to make life difficult for a young BBW totally sucks. All I can say is hang in there as best you can -- things will get better. Finish college and start your career -- don't let jerks derail your life.


----------



## Indy (Apr 10, 2010)

Yup = Time to start a Boomer Bash!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 10, 2010)

HereticFA said:


> The level of fat oppression today is a subset of what existed 40 years ago. And most importantly, the fight for Fat Acceptance will never be "won". With each generation in society, a new group comes into power with the innate human prejudices against fat. The best anyone can hope for is a balanced tug of war between opposing viewpoints. This underscores the importance of a Fat Acceptance infrastructure to give each new generation of fat folks the skills and information to defend themselves.



You know....as an "older" person, I do find myself making comparisons to the "good old days". Sometimes, the modern world does seem to "have it easy" if we remember "the way we were". That being said....there were people before us that "had it harder".....would that have been a good reason for us to stop trying to make a positive change in the world? 
If the younger people have grown old enough to "join the fight".....why would we discourage them? Just because it's somewhat better doesn't mean that the torch should be extinguished. 

The invention of cell phones, gaming systems, CPUs, the internet, etc have changed the face of the world.....so it's sometimes "easier". I enjoy the "easier" life that was meted out.....and STILL look forward to whatever positive changes this world might find in the NEXT 20-30 years of my living in it. 
Why tell anyone to stop just because we enjoyed some changes? It's life....it's always changing.


----------



## thatgirl08 (Apr 10, 2010)

HappyFatChick said:


> People will not treat you badly unless you let them.



So so so so so wrong.


----------



## HappyFatChick (Apr 10, 2010)

thatgirl08 said:


> So so so so so wrong.



I disagree. I have never been hassled and I am huge. I radiate such love, joy, happiness, confidence, power and integrity that no one would dare harass me. No one. I would kick their ass if they did.


----------



## thatgirl08 (Apr 10, 2010)

HappyFatChick said:


> I disagree. I have never been hassled and I am huge. I radiate such love, joy, happiness, confidence, power and integrity that no one would dare harass me. No one. I would kick their ass if they did.



Just because that's the way it's been for you doesn't mean that that's the way it is for everyone. I think most of the women (and BHMs) on this board can attest to the fact that despite being a nice person they've still been treated like shit.


----------



## Lamia (Apr 11, 2010)

HappyFatChick said:


> I disagree. I have never been hassled and I am huge. I radiate such love, joy, happiness, confidence, power and integrity that no one would dare harass me. No one. I would kick their ass if they did.



I am wondering if you're being sarcastic here. It's hard to tell online. I've been exuding joy on a number of occasions laughing with friends etc and been attacked out of the blue with nasty comments. Is it possible you're just oblivious? Maybe you're not as huge as you think.


----------



## luscious_lulu (Apr 11, 2010)

I've been to the Vegas bash and several NJ bashes. Both the Vegas bash and NJ bash have a wide range of ages of people who attend. While the parties are not family oriented, the people who attend are friendly. 

As for the club nights, they are exactly that, club nights. You go, drink, dance and have fun. You should expect the current club music (with a couple old school songs thrown in) to be played. 

You get back what you put into these events. If you go, talk to new people and be open to the experience, chances are you are going to have fun. If you expect it to be a certain way or wait for people to talk to you, your going to be disappointed.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Apr 11, 2010)

Lamia said:


> I am wondering if you're being sarcastic here. It's hard to tell online. I've been exuding joy on a number of occasions laughing with friends etc and been attacked out of the blue with nasty comments. Is it possible you're just oblivious? Maybe you're not as huge as you think.



I go to these things dressed like a total hooker, teetering on 5 inch platform heels, a black leather corset and made up like a drag queen and nobody approaches me inappropriately either. Might be the 6 foot bullwhip in my hand, I dunno, but that's beside the point. This is just another one of those cloying assertions that the woman is to blame for a man's inappropriate behavior. Mind you, if someone leered or acted out around me I would not be surprised, hence the bull whip. But ultimately, we have no control over how a person is going to behave. You can do things to make it less or more likely according to your tastes and still its a crap shoot. You might not get any nibbles or you may get some drunk guy pawing at you and jangling keys to a Durango in your face. 

On a serious note, once or twice I HAVE had some guy who took to a fixation on me that was unwanted and I've known some men who had the same problem. I spent the entire weekend trying to avoid a guy or two who was so persistent in his advances. This kind of thing can happen ANYWHERE.... in church. It ruined a couple of really good weekends for me till I learned how to say no and poof! The problem went away. There are nice ways to do it. If you really feel you must be rude to a wo/man whose advances are unwelcomed then so be it but either way, I think everyone should practice saying no in the mirror if they're not used to it. Role play with a friend if it will help, prepare a couple of speeches in advance. This will be your saving grace in _all of life_, not just the dances. Doesn't matter what you're wearing. 

I've been going to dances for years and anyone who has known me a long time can tell you I am not shy about dressing inappropriately. You would think I'd have to slap people away left and right the way people carry on about the lurking mosters at these dances but that is not so. Mostly their eyes bulge from their heads and their necks crane about to follow me like motion sensers around the room. For the most part, guys are just as scared to be at these dances as you are. They never approach, they stay right there leaning up against the wall spilling beer all over their shaking hands.


----------



## exile in thighville (Apr 11, 2010)

HappyFatChick said:


> I disagree. I have never been hassled and I am huge. I radiate such love, joy, happiness, confidence, power and integrity that no one would dare harass me. No one. I would kick their ass if they did.



you should've been a motivational speaker in hiroshima


----------



## superodalisque (Apr 12, 2010)

IMO experienced is the operative word. i think when you're a bit more exposed you're less likely to internalize everything negative that might be around you. i think as we get more experience we understand more about how flawed other people are and we stop judging ourselves so hard or taking other people that seriously. i know that a lot of BBWs in my age group start wondering what they were going on so much about when they were younger. we were all pretty. we had our health 100%. we could go anywhere we liked and do anything we liked. people who didn't exactly love being fat look back at their photos and find the were nowhere near as big as they thought they were in their imaginations. and they had allowed it to stop them from enjoying living because they had totally bought into what society said--even though they ocassionally pretended they hadn't.

i think when you're younger sometimes its easy to see hate wherever you look and fixate on that. but as you get more experience in life and see more and travel some you start counting your blessings and appreciating life --especially when you ge the chance. the downside is that too can spoil events for you a bit because you find that all the concentration on and reaction to the negativity to fat by people on their journey is a big downer. all of the sad miserable anger ridden stuff including music sometimes etc... gets to be boring and tiresome. watching people trying so hard to look like someone is having fun or is confident or sexy just gets to be exhausting after a while. the saying that 30 is the new 20 is a bad thing in a way. it seems to keep people in perpetual teenage angst. it makes you wonder when people will wake up to the joys of being an adult and in control of their own lives living it and liking it. it seems to take so much longer for people to drop the sense of entitlement to happiness on their terms. sad to think some folks might be wasting whole decades of their lives just being angry defensive and waiting for another's approval instead of looking to the things that already make life great.

that doesn't make bashes bad because people have to go through that. its an important stage. but maybe there is a need for events that are a bit different--especially for people at a different stage. we need to keep people interested who've reached a certain point in development so that they'll stay around and encourage the younger ones. they need to know that you can be happy with or without the approval of society. you can actually relax. you won't always have the constant need for outside approval. you won't always need to prove things to yourself sexually or otherwise. they need to see people who are emotionally where they want to be and don't look at things the sam way that they do. a way to keep them involved and not going off into the ether might be to have at least a few activities that aren't bashes aimed at their tastes so they'll have more patience to mix when the times are right.


----------



## JMNYC (Apr 12, 2010)

Well, geeze...I had a fantastic time at the one I just went to a month ago, in NJ...one cool person after another, a couple of new friends, and a buzz after the event that lasted at least three days. 

Ditto the one my wife and I went to back in October, I think it was.

Actually, now that I think about it, the dances I went to in the 90s had ear-splitting music, and conversation was reduced to what could be understood when shouted a half-inch away from a person's ear. That's why I kept away for many years. 

Now, hell, yea, I'll come on down, mix-n-mingle, why not? 

So, for me, "BBW dances have gone to (insert opposite of @*#T)!"


----------



## exile in thighville (Apr 13, 2010)

pee?...........


----------



## tonynyc (Apr 13, 2010)

pot?.......


----------



## Dangerous Dan (Apr 20, 2010)

Very insightful thread! 

I've been a promoter of BBW events in the Seattle area for 10 years and agree...


HappyFatChick said:


> The dances used to be fun. Now they're mostly young punks and lots of techno music.


I also understand it's the year 2010. That music mix and environment is exactly what some BBWs want - the "nightclub experience".

Are there fewer attending BBW events today as 6-7 years ago? Without a doubt. My group, BBW Northwest had been holding 12 private hall events a year, with a consistent crowd of 125+. Our major theme events (Halloween) had over 200 people attending.


bigmac said:


> I went to my first BBW event in 1994 -- a dance put on by the Seattle NAAFA chapter. The hall was packed with people when I got there fashionably late. The crowd ranged in age from early twenties to fifties -- and everyone was extremely friendly -- I was invited to go to breakfast with a large group of people -- by the next morning I had the beginnings of a new group of friends.


Actually in 1994 there were several groups producing events, but NAAFA wasn't one of them. They had their last event in 2001. (Yup, you can always find a group going to breakfast after our parties too!)

Currently, BBW Northwest is producing 4 members-only private hall events a year with a crowd of 75-100 people. The ages that attend are anywhere from 25-65 with most in their 30's and 40's. The music will be everything from Ke$ha to Donna Summer to Lynyrd Skynyrd. (I'm also the DJ.) I think as long as music is played in "sets" (a little Top 40, a little club mix, a little classic rock, a few slow dances) then everyone of every age gets to hear something they like and socialize.

Last year we started a different series of events called "Club BBW". These are events which are open to the public held in local bars where only Top 40, R&B, Hip Hop and Old School is spun. The ages which attend here are more in their 20's and 30's, although we have many in their 40's who enjoy current music who attend as well. We also do these 4 times a year.


bigmac said:


> In 1994 Seattle the bi-monthly NAAFA dances were the only game in town so BBWs, FAs, BHM, and FFAs of all ages took advantage. Now, everyone has there own little online group and only the young party animals go to the BBW events.


Well it may _seem_ that way if you only read what's online. In truth, many of those "events" are nothing more than a half dozen friends who reserve a few corner tables at a local nightclub. They're nothing like BFL or Club Bounce where they basically take over the place (or in the case of Big Diff, rent their own hall) and everyone who is there is there _because_ of the event, not just because they stumbled in on "fat girl night".

IMHO what BBW events accomplished perhaps led to more BBWs going to regular nightspots - boosting self-esteem, encouraging shy people to interact, and helping plus-size people to feel good in their own skin.

How many more years will BBW events be relevant? Depends if you're talking about the ones based on size-acceptance or those with a big nod to fetish. Stay tuned.

Daniel


----------

