# Cancer (and a thank you)



## rainyday (Dec 13, 2005)

For those who dont know, my boyfriend, James, died recently after having been ill for several months with metastatic melanoma. Over the course of his illness we got quite an education in "life with cancer." This is very off-topic, but since cancer is so prevalent and destroys so many lives I want to share some things we learned in the hope that maybe this information could help someone you know. If any of you have you own tips youve learned from dealing with cancer, please add them to this thread. Id love it if together we helped someone.

*Curcumin*
If you know anyone with melanoma or breast cancer, make sure they know about the benefits of curcumin (an ingredient in the spice turmeric). Human trials are just starting, but its showing amazing promise as one of the few things that will stop the spread of melanoma. And in breast cancer, curcumin has recently been shown to stop the cancer from spreading to the lungs. Its usefulness against other types, such as pancreatic cancer, is also being investigated, so check it out for other cancers as well. A Google search should turn up tons of information. MD Anderson Cancer Center in Texas is involved in many of the trials and has some useful information on their website. Curcumin isnt readily absorbed by the body on its own and must be taken in conjunction with a substance called pepperine. Many curcumin supplements come with pepperine incorporated in the capsule, so make sure you look for that. Its difficult to find information on just what an effective dose isits still being investigatedbut a naturopath can guide you. Make sure your oncologist knows youre taking it though because you may need to stop while you are having certain treatmentslike chemosince it can alter their effectiveness.

MD Anderson:
http://promosearch.atomz.com/search/promosearch/?sp-q=curcumin&sp-a=sp1000cbd6

*Blood Clots*
Chemotherapy can put you at risk for blood clots. If someone you know is having chemo, please let them know so they can watch for symptoms. No one told us about this! In October, doctors didnt think James would leave the hospital. He surprised them by not only walking out and coming home but by responding beyond all expectations to biochemotherapy. His tumors were visibly shrinking, his blood counts were great and he was steadily improving. Given his response, we expected to have at least another year together, possibly several. At least time to get married. What killed him wasnt his cancer but a blood clot that suddenly broke loose and lodged in his lungs. Please dont let it happen to anyone you know.

*Naturopathic Care*
Ask if your hospital or treatment facility has an integrative medicine program that combines conventional and holistic therapies. In other words, get a naturopath involved to work in conjunction with your oncologist. We lucked out and had one who communicated extremely well with the oncologist, and while the oncologist was skeptical, he didnt object to the naturopaths involvement. The naturopath had great information about supplements that helped counteract the side effects of chemolike damage to the digestive tract cells. He was also very helpful as we struggled to combat the nausea, appetite problems and weight loss that accompanied the disease and treatment. Dont be without this component of your care.

*Acupuncture*
James melanoma metastasized to his bones and he had excruciating pain that narcotics couldnt combat and which the radiation didnt relieve. After just one session of acupuncture he began to get relief, and after several he was able to be removed from IV pain meds entirely. He actually loved the sessions because they left him so relaxed. If pain meds arent working, try this!

Please add your own tips to this thread too if you have any.


And, a thank you.
In the aftermath of all this, Dimfolk have been incredibly kind to me and I just want to say thank you for your caring and concern. I received so many lovely messages and PMs. One beautiful one just said "You are loved." People I dont even know have sent words of hope and encouragement. Yesterday someone emailed me a transcript of chat from the day folks in the room heard about James' death. I was just blown away by the kindness and empathy people showed. Nothing takes away the pain, but I sure do feel cared for. You guys are incredible. Thank you.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Dec 13, 2005)

Rainy,

I am so sorry for your loss. I never know what to say at times like this - so I usually say nothing and come off as not caring. But if I could give you a big hug and tell you - somehow you will find a way through this - I would. I am sure with every fiber of my being - we will see all our loved ones again.

Take all the time you need to heal.

Sandie Z


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## Jane (Dec 13, 2005)

You've shown unbelievable courage in sharing this.

Your experience could save others countless hours of pain.

Take care of yourself. My heart is with you.


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## seavixen (Dec 13, 2005)

I'm so sorry, Rainy. I'll leave it at that because I have no words to do your feelings justice.

This is a marvelous post, though, and I cannot agree with you more about the mention of holistic healing. A woman who was very dear to me (my step-grandmother) battled cancer for many, many years, and herbal remedies and supplements really helped her throughout her fight, even in the later stages of the illness. She was able to deal with chemotherapy, etc., much better, and experienced a better overall quality of life up until the last few months when it worsened too badly for her to withstand without morphine and treatment otherwise became useless. I also believe that the right attitude, a strong will, and the support of those you love makes all the difference in the world.

With any illness, I've noticed that - while certain deviations from routine are absolutely necessary, of course - many people simply stop doing everything they used to, as if they're afraid to live with any level of normalcy. I have seen many people wither this way, and just get sicker. If it is within the boundaries of treatment, I believe that a person should maintain as big a part of their regular lives as possible.

Just thought I'd add a little. Cancer has hit heavily in my family, as I'm sure it has with most people's. Thank you for the post, Rainy.


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## Webmaster (Dec 13, 2005)

Thank you for posting this information, Rainy. My grandfather died from metastatic melanoma and he was a MD. I've always kept that in mind and always askmy physician to do a thorough check whenever I see him. 

And you are loved.


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## Sweet Tooth (Dec 13, 2005)

Often-sunny Oregon, my butt. LOL

Rainy asked me to share some of the stuff I shared with her while James was ill. Both of my parents had cancer. Mom had breast cancer when I was 8 and again when I was 11. After a mastectomy each time, she's cancer free 20+ years later. My dad had a family history of cancer, but no doctor ever recommended he get certain tests to check for cancer. He got regular physicals with the Air Force, but it was his regular blood donations with the Red Cross that first turned up evidence that all was not right with his body. He died 2 1/2 years later.

My dad, though, amazingly didn't have pain (only discomfort, rare for cancer throughout the body) and didn't linger in a coma (like so many with his type of cancer do before finally passing). He wouldn't even take a baby aspirin on his final day on this earth. I did, however, do reflexology on him for 1/2 - 1 hour each day for the last several months of his life. It allowed him to relax and get to sleep, much like the benefit James experienced from the acupuncture.

Our family also learned a great deal about alternative treatments like Essiac tea (available in Canada) and Cantron/Cancell. I credit my dad's length of life after his diagnosis and the quality of his life in great part to Cantron. It's not FDA approved, and it gets very little support from the medical establishment. However, I met a man while my dad was sick, my sister's friend who told us about this treatment, who was cancer free 10 years later after the cancer had spread throughout his body.

Finally, my dad had a lot of prayer. While I believe very specifically in prayer, even positive thoughts have benefits both for the patient and for the people surrounding that person. The love and support I got when my dad was sick enabled me to be there for him and love on him and somehow survive on very little sleep just to squeeze in every possible moment with him.

Please remember to get your checkups, even if you hate doctors. Call around to find a reasonably size-friendly one! (They're out there, I know.) The discomfort of exams (recalling my first mammogram at this moment with a bit of squirming) will go away, and it's really worth the effort for a longer, fuller, healthier life.


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## Carrie (Dec 13, 2005)

Rainy, I'm so sorry for your loss. There's nothing I can say that would help you with what you're going through, so I'll leave it at that. I'm truly sorry. 

Thank you for posting this - this is excellent information. The one thing I would add is the absolute importance of early detection, especially where skin cancer is concerned. My brother was diagnosed with melanoma summer before last, and it had already spread to his lymph nodes by the time it was detected. Multiple chemo and radiation treatments later, he's okay and has been cancer-free for over a year. 

He had one little mole. One. He freely admits that had my sister-in-law not harrassed him to go to the doctor to have it looked at, he wouldn't have. And we probably would have lost him. People who had serious sunburns as children (like my brother and myself, both of us very fair-skinned) need to be especially careful. 

Again, Rainy, I'm so sorry. Thank you for using your sad experience to educate others on this very important topic.


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## Egbert Souse (Dec 13, 2005)

Great post.
You are loved, rd, and highly respected here.

Cancer has devastated my circle of people in the last two years with one more unthinkable yet to come. 
I can't add anything but i would like to make one observation. 

What really took me by surprise was the incredible dignity and even humor that three of my best friends were able to maintain even as they were losing the battle. The time spent with them proved to be the most, for lack of better words, spiritual growth experience i've ever had. 
If there's ever a "true gallows humor" thread, i'll have a few contributions. 
An amazing and often sublime creature human beings are.

It's so lovely to see you back. I've been thinking about you.


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## MellieD (Dec 13, 2005)

Thanks so much for all the wonderful information, Miss Rainy ma'am. I feel for your loss and am here if you need me.

Just a few things to watch for about colorectal cancer: low back and abdominal pain, any changes in your bowel habits, any blood or bloody discharge with bowel movements, and any narrowing of your stools.
I know it's not a pretty subject, but I lost a husband to this horrible disease and he was only 37. Diagnosed March 3, 2002 and passed away December 11, 2002. He failed to pay attention to the symptoms, or mention them to me, until it was too late. By the time he was diagnosed, he was already at stage 4 and it was then just a matter of keeping him comfortable until the end.


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## Webmaster (Dec 13, 2005)

MellieD said:


> Just a few things to watch for about colorectal cancer: low back and abdominal pain, any changes in your bowel habits, any blood or bloody discharge with bowel movements, and any narrowing of your stools....



Good points, Mellie. I'd also recommend doing a flexible sigmoidoscopy exam as soon as a physician recommends it. Most people are petrified at the mere thought. I had it done and it's really no big deal.


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## Zandoz (Dec 13, 2005)

{{{{{{{{{{{Rainy}}}}}}}}}}}} Thanks!


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## rainyday (Dec 14, 2005)

Sandie, Jane, Sea, Smarts (who has forgotten the long hot summer), Conrad, Eggie, Carrie, Mellie, Zan--Thank you all, and especially thanks for adding tips to this thread. And to the suggestions about getting in early to get things checked out: Yes!!!! I pushed and pushed but I didn't push enough. Make them go!

Carrie, please make sure your bro knows about the curcumin info. Melanoma often returns many times, so make sure he stays vigilant. I'm so glad he's doing okay. And Conrad, I'm glad you're keeping an eye on things too since it can run in families.


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## Carrie (Dec 14, 2005)

rainyday said:


> Carrie, please make sure your bro knows about the curcumin info. Melanoma often returns many times, so make sure he stays vigilant. I'm so glad he's doing okay.



I'll definitely do that, Rainy, thank you!


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## Boteroesque Babe (Dec 14, 2005)

Great post, Rainy. I didn't know about the blood clot, and find it particularly heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing your experience, and encouraging us to do the same.

I grew up on the ocean, and most of my teenage years were spent in beaches, boats, and bathing suits, often slathered up with baby oil (this was before SPF entered our lexicon). Being that I'm fair-skinned, I was always burning, recovering from a burn, or about to burn again. When I reached adulthood I took better care, finding tanned and sun-damaged skin unattractive. But still. "Nothing bad ever happens to me," so vanity is as far as it went.

Then Maureen Reagan died. I watched her final interview, amazed that a wee mole could prove deadly before it's even noticed. I made an appointment with a Dermatologist, had a head-to-toe, which led to a procedure, a near miss, and a little scar on my thigh where a freckle used to be. I wrote about my experience, including a plea that everyone get regular dermo checkups, especially white people who used to be beach bunnies.

About a month later, I got an e-mail from just such a woman, who said I prompted her to get her first checkup. Something hinky was found and removed, and she vowed to keep the exams going.

Thousands of people will read what you've written here, Rainy. Someone, maybe many someones, will be saved some sort of heartache because of your words. 

You may never hear about it, so I'll go ahead and thank you now.

Still rockin' the bracelet...


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## Boteroesque Babe (Dec 14, 2005)

One more thought...

In addition to regular and complete medical exams and being mindful of any changes your doctor should be apprised of, I highly recommend large doses of music and laughter for the chronically ill. Hell, for _everybody_. This is the field I work in, so I regularly see firsthand the healing power it has, particularly for Cancer patients, who're usually dealing with some deep Big Picture issues.

And I cannot stress stress enough. I know stress effects my own day-to-day health, and it's said to cause long-term damage, too. I'd advise avoiding as much as is possible. Music and laughter help here, too.


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## jamie (Dec 14, 2005)

I was thinking along the same lines, BB. Monday was the anniversary of my Mom's death from cancer 5 years ago, and it always makes me sad because it felt like she just gave up. The idea of fighting to live and dealing with life was too much for her and she actually went just 2 weeks after the discovery.

I think part of taking care of yourself is remembering what a kick-butt gift it is to be alive. Although it is a pain sitting in traffic, there are going to be times when life is one great big party, so it is important to find that fight inside of yourself to be grateful and be alive.

Thanks for your important post, rainy.


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## MellieD (Dec 14, 2005)

Webmaster said:


> I'd also recommend doing a flexible sigmoidoscopy exam as soon as a physician recommends it. Most people are petrified at the mere thought. I had it done and it's really no big deal.



I agree completely about it being no big deal. I had both a sigmoidoscopy and a colonoscopy. The hardest parts were the prepping and the I.V. insertion. However, I considered them a minor nuisance when I think of the peace of mind that the scopes gave me afterwards.


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## rainyday (Dec 14, 2005)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Thousands of people will read what you've written here, Rainy. Someone, maybe many someones, will be saved some sort of heartache because of your words.



That's what I'm hoping, BB. Thanks for your additions, and you too Jamie and Mellie. I'm glad you caught yours in time. I'm a heck of a lot fairer than James was, yet he was affected. We palefaces may be more susceptible, but clearly just being able to tan doesn't rule you out.

You've got odd taste in jewelry, btw


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## Single26Female (Dec 14, 2005)

I had no idea and I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love your way.


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## rainyday (Dec 15, 2005)

Thank you, 26.


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