# Dating and PCOS



## malami (May 8, 2011)

So I just read one of the posts on PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and I'm wondering how do you guys deal with the excessive hair and dating?

I'm 25, and never even kissed a guy mainly because each time someone is interested in me I start acting very aloof because I am scared of the rejection, and them laughing at me/telling other people that I have hair in places I'm not supposed to have. 
I finally got an insurance so right now I'm looking for a good doctor, but I have hair everyfuckingwhere. Face (chin/cheeks/sideburns), stomach, butt, lower back, it even has spread to my chest It takes hours to get rid of everything, and I'm not sure I can be in a relationship because hours and hours of trying to remove hair everyday is time consuming. 

I'm also wondering how did guys react to the hair if any of them noticed? 


It take a huge toll on my self-esteem, it's really depressing. I feel like I'll be alone forever. I'm a size 18 so it's already hard to find a guy and when I do I HAVE TO reject them.

Thanks guys!


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## Tau (May 8, 2011)

Firstly I'm sending you major love and hugs. I suffer from intense eczema. When I'm stressed out my entire body is just one big wound and I remember when I was 24, had never been kissed and felt like a big scabby mess...it was so hard even imagining somebody else wanting to touch me let alone love on me. I wanted to say here that when somebody is actually truly attracted to you your hairy bits won't matter - I promise you. Just do you, and love you, and love will come your way.

That said - is waxing not a longer lasting solution? A friend of mine who had PCOS used to get electrolysis (I think that's what it's called) but that was sheer agony and cost a ton so she got a really great waxing salon and it helped keep the hair off for longer than shaving daily did. I hope that doc also gives you some useful suggestions.


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## herin (May 8, 2011)

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I have psoriasis and can be self conscious about it, but I agree with Tau, when you can get to a place where you're comfortable with you, it will get better. And...any man worth your time will like you just the way you are. Sending you love.


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## superodalisque (May 8, 2011)

malami said:


> So I just read one of the posts on PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and I'm wondering how do you guys deal with the excessive hair and dating?
> 
> I'm 25, and never even kissed a guy mainly because each time someone is interested in me I start acting very aloof because I am scared of the rejection, and them laughing at me/telling other people that I have hair in places I'm not supposed to have.
> I finally got an insurance so right now I'm looking for a good doctor, but I have hair everyfuckingwhere. Face (chin/cheeks/sideburns), stomach, butt, lower back, it even has spread to my chest It takes hours to get rid of everything, and I'm not sure I can be in a relationship because hours and hours of trying to remove hair everyday is time consuming.
> ...



you know there are some guys who find this very hairiness in women very sexy. take a stab at life. don't hide. believe it or not most guys are probably not going to think its as big of a deal as you do. you really don't have to reject anybody.


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## Isa (May 15, 2011)

Malami,

Excessive hair growth is deadly on a woman's self esteem. I have PCOS and have been dealing with it for years. Currently I am having electrolysis and the difference is amazing. Only wish I did this years ago. I tried laser and that was a total waste of time and money in the long run. 

If you cannot go the removal route, then please try the drug Spironolactone. I know that you are uninsured but if you can find a doctor or clinic to prescribe, give it a chance. If I am not mistaken it is in generic from so the cost should be low. It seriously slowed down the hair growth. If you search the health forum, I believe it has been discussed here before. 

Good luck and stay strong, it can get better.


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## Kamily (May 15, 2011)

malami said:


> It take a huge toll on my self-esteem, it's really depressing. I feel like I'll be alone forever.



My 14 year old suffers from PCOS and it has ruined her self esteem.  So I can understand your feelings. Sending hugs your way. 




Tau said:


> I suffer from intense eczema. When I'm stressed out my entire body is just one big wound.



Yeah I know exactly what u are talking about. I have it too and stress makes mine worse.


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## ThatFatGirl (May 16, 2011)

Malami, have you had any treatment yet since being diagnosed with PCOS? Now that you have insurance, I'd get to a doctor as soon as possible and get started on some of the medications that help get PCOS symptoms in check. I second what Isa said about Spironolactone. This works wonders on some people, especially when combined with birth control pills and Metformin. This has been my course of treatment for years and the change in body hair especially has been extraordinary, it is virtually non-existent now (my face is another issue, but even that has improved). I know you mentioned in your post you're looking for a doctor now. I wouldn't delay. This list isn't updated much, but you might want to see if there's a "fat friendly" doctor in your area that participates in your insurance program. I'd look for a gynecologist first. Be sure they don't try to take a passive or even dismissive approach towards your treatment (suggesting weight loss as the only way to resolve PCOS issues) and discuss the medications I mentioned if they don't bring them up first. Let them know how PCOS symptoms have impacted your life and be insistent if you need to be. They might suggest you see an endocrinologist. I can't say much personally about that as my experience was not that great, but I've heard from others who've found them helpful. 

As for your intimacy fears, I can relate! First, you're not some freak (and you definitely will not be alone forever). I think you will find our problems are more common than we realize and more guys who like big girls have encountered women with PCOS or hormone imbalances in their past than we might guess. I have much more to say on this, but I'm running out of time and steam tonight (the hubby has already fallen asleep on the couch and I need to get him to bed).

I'm really curious about your treatment for PCOS so far to date though if you care to share.


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## prairiegirl (May 31, 2011)

Hi, I also suffer from this and was extremely self conscious about it for many years. I discovered though that a lot of men don't care. I have an extremely supportive fiance and even past boyfriends who were supportive of me and didn't belittle or mock me in anyway and helped me to accept my hiristutism. I am no taking spiranolactone and metformin and it does work wonders, but I do still have to shave my face every few days. I know that it can be extremely time consuming and horrible to go through but I found a serious reduction in the amount of hair after starting on the previously mentioned drugs. Stay strong. Finding a good and understanding doctor is a must, he or she will be able to help you out immensely.


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## bbwlibrarian (Jun 3, 2011)

I have PCOS as well and I understand your pain. I have a little extra hair (not as much as you seem to describe) and I can only say that I'm blessed that I'm a redhead and that my body hair grows in white. That said, wax (good old Sally Hansen facial wax, that is) has been my BFF. I've also never had a guy notice it before during the grow-back periods.

EDIT:
Okay, I re-read your post and you said that your biggest concern was the hours needed to remove all of your hair. Rest assured that most guys aren't going to notice most of it. If by hair on the chest and the rear you mean light, fine hairs that are slightly visible, men aren't going to notice. There are a lot of women, both slender and fat, that have a lot of body hair without having PCOS. Worry about the colored hair ONLY. In any case, if you are overly bothered by the hair, I second the suggestion to at least get a growth retardant from your physician.


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## PlumBlossom (Feb 20, 2013)

I have pretty much every symptom of PCOS and yet two doctors from two different places both told me that my symptoms are "fine, it's not really PCOS". Really? Even though I have multiple ovarian cysts, hormonal problems, I weight 300+ lbs. and my entire body is covered in thick black hairs where it shouldn't grow? I intensely dislike doctors for being so useless to me, they always fail me. I've gone to doctors before and they just seem to dismiss me. Anyway, I do have symptoms of PCOS, I have multiple small ovarian cysts, I have hormonal problems, since I could remember all my life since puberty I started having these problems. The worst that affects me is the hair, I'm a sasquatch lol, I have double the hair as my boyfriend. It's extremely embarrassing, I have no self esteem whatsoever and I feel like I'm not even a female, like I'm some kind of monster instead. I don't know how anyone could possibly find me attractive with all the hair I have and all the fat.

The hairs on my body are black and thick, every pore on my legs and abdomen and chest has 3 hairs instead of one so I have extra thick black hair on my legs and all over my abdomen and everywhere that it shouldn't be growing. Every year I see more and more hairs appearing on my body, mostly my chest and abdomen is the most I notice. Just a couple years ago I only had a couple hairs on my chest, then more and more. I'm afraid it will get worse and worse the more time goes by like an epidemic on my body. The last time I shaved (above my right foot, repeat with left foot, right leg, repeat with left leg, back of right leg, repeat with back of left leg, right thigh, repeat with left thigh, abdomen, chest, a few couple hairs on my boobs, upper lip, chin, right armpit, repeat with left armpit, even my female parts down there seem to be more hairy than what normal girl's genital area should be). I spent about 4 hours, maybe more total. A couple days later, my boyfriend had a little stubble on his face and when I asked him to shave (since it was pricking me) he didn't bother, his excuse was that "it would take too long" which made me think,"REALLY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I SPENT 4+ HOURS SHAVING AND YOU WON'T EVEN SHAVE YOUR 5 O'CLOCK SHADOW EVEN THOUGH IT'LL PROBABLY TAKE LIKE 5 MINUTES?".

Anyway, I understand the pain and frustration. I never shave, only unless I see my boyfriend but even then, by the next day I have hair and every day I'm with my boyfriend I have to shave my entire body again every single day. In the future I'll be living with him and I'm sure I will want to be hairless every day, I hate being hairy, period. I like feeling smooth but it only lasts so little. I hate shaving, it's such a chore, I literally spend hours doing it only to see hair grow back the next day. Even though I shaved and shaved, my boyfriend still ended up feeling the stubble on my legs the next day but at least he didn't mind. But it's not so much about him, but for me, I just hate having hair all over. Sometimes I've caught myself taking a photo of myself wearing a nice top and then I would have to delete the photo because I could see some of my chest hairs or upper lip hair. Argh. 

Anyway, not sure what advice to give. Don't reject guys. There are guys who will understand. I told my boyfriend up front that I have hormonal problems and that I'm hairy like a beast and he understood. I don't think he understands the severity of how badly it affects me though emotionally, how badly it affects my self esteem, feeling like I'm not even a female, being completely incapable of feeling pretty or sexy. It really affects me.


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## spiritangel (Feb 20, 2013)

hugs I feel your pain. 

You know it is interesting how many men seem to like naturally hairy women. So perhaps be open to someone who likes the hair and just focus on the areas that you cant handle it?


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## AuntHen (Feb 20, 2013)

Some people act like jerks no matter how someone looks or what they may have.

I can speak from experience.... I have PCOS. I have some of the worst symptoms and try my best to maintain myself (especially when with my boyfriend). He has seen and felt me at my worst and did not even flinch a muscle. He loves and accepts me for *me*! He makes me feel like the most desirable and beautiful creature on the planet! It is a wonderful thing and even though I am still working through a bit of *my *insecurities, his love and acceptance makes all the difference.

However, I had to be at a point in my life, that I loved me and accepted me as well. In order to even think about letting someone else in fully, I had to be at that place with ME! I spent many years hating my body and feeling like I wasn't a "real" woman or feminine... such a waste.

Don't let PCOS stop you from feeling feminine or living a full life (romantic or other). If anything, it has made me a stronger, more humble and accepting person. 

Edit: It's also good to keep in mind that everyone has "flaws"... no one you date or get to know will ever be perfect. Inside or out.


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## 1love_emily (Feb 20, 2013)

I've been dealing with PCOS for a while now, and the system I find the most effective is waxing. Everywhere. Literally, everywhere.

My worst hairy place is my upper lip. It's really bad. So I wax it every 4 weeks. If you find a good, cheap place with a nice beautician, it can be not the worst thing ever.

I'm just too embarrassed to get a bikini wax...


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## Pandasaur (Feb 21, 2013)

I have pcos and I to second the waxing, I also shave body hair like crazy. After having it for so long I don't really worry about it as much. I also have eczema and I get bad flare ups once in a while (like now, rash on my neck and belly all of a sudden..). I rub myself down in ointment and cortizon 10 and it usually goes down within a few days. Not the best treatment but Ive become more comfortable dealing with it over the years


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## socrates74 (Nov 17, 2016)

Some,but not all women with PCOS have excessive hair. PCOS has different varieties. My experiences with a woman with PCOS was different than your situation.


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## jbason (Nov 23, 2016)

Sending love hope and hugs your way.
Here is part of one male's perspective. First of all I have eczema and when I was younger it very severe and definitely made me very self-conscious and the stress of that self-consciousness of course made it worse. So I have a small window of understanding of the emotions that are often tied up with some of these appearance issues. Learning to accept it and basically ignore it helped me to de-stress and the problem lessened even more became less important in the scope of the rest of my life.
Anyway, to the point, my ex had PCO and issues with hairiness, hormonal cycle irregularities and infertility that made her self-conscious. The point is, it *NEVER MATTERED* to me. It's was just one physical aspect and not truly the centre of who she was as a person. The fact is women are also mammals which means the do and will have hair. All women have hair on their face, legs, arms and throughout their body. For most women the hairs are often tiny, thin or very pale and are usually not noticeable but that is not the case for everyone.
Many men are oblivious ;-) and some just don't care one way or another (It's not that big a deal). It must be often frustrating for a woman to make a change (hair /make up /clothing /...) and find out the guy in question has no clue of it. They key is from my perspective is that many of those fine details go over our heads. If a person is happy to be with you then they will be happy to be with you. In fact just as grateful to be in a relationship as you are. Even though they won't often admit it, most men also have body and relationship insecurities as well as fear of rejection.
There can/will be someone out there that connects, cares and will love you and all your aspects in a non judgemental way.

Side note: At some point my ex was prescribed *t Spironolactone. * which helped stabilize her cycle and lessened her symptoms. About a year and half later got pregnant (unexpectedly an despite multiple precautions and the improbability of it). Anecdotally strangely after the birth of our daughter her PCO symptoms lessened.

I will freely admit I cannot obviously claim to speak for all or even majority of men (I'm to weird). But I'm confident that my opinions not unique to just me. Many men just won't care about it. Some men can see around the very thing that you may think is a barrier. Hopefully you can come to terms with it so you can open yourself up to possibilities and the opportunities when right one comes around. 

I apologize for the rambling bits sometimes my brain tangles and sometimes it hard to catch it all in text


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