# Goth/Metal FFAs normal?



## jezter6 (Nov 2, 2010)

I'm new to the forum and a search for "goth" in titles didnt bring up any specific threads on it, but I happened to notice that a few of the FFAs around the forum appear (based on username, tats, piercings, etc) to be part of the goth and/or metal scenes.

As a metal head, this pleases me very much. However, at 31...I'm not sure I can "hang" at the late night metal shows at bars and such like I could in my early 20s. However, if there's some sort of weight (no pun intended) between metal/goth and FFAs...I guess I'll have to get out there again. Not just because I'd like to find someone that's into me for what I've got...but that I also find metal chicks more attractive than librarian quiet types.

Wondering if I need to find a metal concert to go to this weekend...


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## lovelocs (Nov 2, 2010)

Not a metalhead, but I know a couple, and yeah, from what I see, certain subcultures tend to be more fat friendly. Hip-Hop is one, I know, and Metal and goth seem to be another. I have to think all the way back to high school, though. 
If it's what you love, then definitely check out some shows. At least you know you'll have one thing in common when you do meet someone. Who knows, maybe you'll even meet a metal-loving FFA librarian. Stranger sh1t has happened.


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## Ninja Glutton (Nov 2, 2010)

A+ for using the search feature and noticing social trends.

You're already like 12 rungs above the majority of noobs here haha.


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## Amaranthine (Nov 2, 2010)

Well, I can't say I have any out of the ordinary piercings or any tattoos at all...and by nature, Im really quite quiet- but I also love metal. Mostly prog, but I can get into speed, power, and some other sub-genres of it. 

So, welcome to the forums. Always nice to have another metalhead around lml


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## jezter6 (Nov 2, 2010)

Well, I'm not an idiot and have actually spent time (actively) participating in a number of different forums. The "search n00b" line is something I've seen (and said) too many times.

Would love to have one of the goth/metal FFAs come by and discuss. I'm wondering what it is about metal that does that? I'm going to go with it's increased "anti-establishment" culture (re: tattoos, piercings, wild hair, etc) that leads to non-normal looks and behaviors being more accepted.

Sadly, I'd like to be able to (visually at least) add myself into the metal lifestyle a little better with some gnarly tats and piercings, however my professional IT job requires my ability to work in a nice office environment that frowns on full sleeve art and multiple facial piercings. 

I will, however, narrow search results on any dating sites I go to and try to focus a little harder on the metalhead types to see if that produces better results. I've been trying the "nice girl" group, but in the end it's always the personality that ends up making it not really a match.

Hopefully I'll come back in a few weeks with a progress report


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## jezter6 (Nov 2, 2010)

Amaranthine said:


> Well, I can't say I have any out of the ordinary piercings or any tattoos at all...and by nature, Im really quite quiet- but I also love metal. Mostly prog, but I can get into speed, power, and some other sub-genres of it.
> 
> So, welcome to the forums. Always nice to have another metalhead around lml



Interesting to note Amaranthine. It appears that one more can be added to the list that may not appear as blatently a metal head by looks alone, but metal chicks dig us.


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## Joe944 (Nov 3, 2010)

I've found it nearly impossible to find chicks that like metal, hell most of my guy friends don't like it. I don't really like death metal either, more the melodic sort.


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## Melian (Nov 3, 2010)

Well, I listen to a lot of power/black metal, as well as industrial, some EBM and techno. I'm sure as fuck not goth, but am covered in tattoos....so I think I fall into this group of FFAs that you are describing.

It might be easier to group us as "alt lifestyle" or something. Anyway, I've definitely noticed that a large number of FFAs (here and IRL) seem to have less mainstream appearances and interests - not really sure why this happens. I've always felt that a lot of the people who conform to societal norms would probably LOVE the experience of living the life of some subculture, but they are afraid to give it a chance. Perhaps these are the same people who would embrace partners of different body types, were it not for the pressure to be with a thin person. 

What I'm saying is that, maybe people who feel confident enough to exist outside the mainstream are also more likely to experiment with fat partners.


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## jezter6 (Nov 3, 2010)

I think we're saying the same thing.

One thing to question though. Is it the "girls that like Metal happen to like big guys" or that the "metal/alt scene fosters an environment where girls that otherwise wouldn't have been into it are exposed to it and BECOME FFAs?"


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## Tad (Nov 3, 2010)

There seems to be a correlation between FA and various sub-cultures (and quite possible between big folk and various sub-cultures too). My theory is that two factors come into play:
- People who know that they don’t fit into the mainstream in one way (being an FA) may be more apt to migrate out of the mainstream in other ways. Both because it gets them questioning mainstream values in general and because they are never go to &#8216;win’ by mainstream standards if they follow their preferences, so why not find people who won’t look down on you for that?
- People who for whatever reason are in some sub-culture group may have less to lose by accepting and following their FA nature (if you are a classic preppy, with friends and family of that type, for instance, the resistance to your dating a fat person may be higher than in many other groups, so if you like to fit in with the people around you, you may be more apt to try and suppress that side of yourself).

Just my opinion, based on no research, no warranty express or implied, YMMV,…..

ETA: I'd missed seeing Melian's post somehow. So yah, what she said..... as usual she is more succinct!


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## Amaranthine (Nov 3, 2010)

jezter6 said:


> I think we're saying the same thing.
> 
> One thing to question though. Is it the "girls that like Metal happen to like big guys" or that the "metal/alt scene fosters an environment where girls that otherwise wouldn't have been into it are exposed to it and BECOME FFAs?"



Well, to put in my two cents, I've pretty much ALWAYS been an FFA. It's something I can find traces of all the way back to my childhood. So I suppose I fall into the category of "Girls that like metal and happen to like big guys."


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## Melian (Nov 3, 2010)

Amaranthine said:


> Well, to put in my two cents, I've pretty much ALWAYS been an FFA. It's something I can find traces of all the way back to my childhood. So I suppose I fall into the category of "Girls that like metal and happen to like big guys."



Same here. I've basically always liked fat guys, exclusively, and have always been into the same music/aesthetic. The liking of fat guys happened before there was any kind of "scene" element to the music, though (concerts, clubs, etc), so it's not like the environment influenced the behaviour, in my case.

Still, I think both scenarios are possible: the "metal chicks who like fat guys" and the "chicks who liked metal, gave fat guys a try and realized they liked them." Also, if it was my nature to follow every trend, obey every social rule, worry about my status, etc, then it seems fair to assume that I would deny the fact that I liked fat guys. So who knows how many women potentially like fat guys, but would never admit it (the infamous "closeted FAs").


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## jezter6 (Nov 3, 2010)

That's it. I've updated my OKC/PlentyOfFish profiles to include more "metal" related activities (that I once tried to hide and look for the librarian types) and have started making a more aggressive push to specifically contact women who list metal in their profile.

Time to crank up the Pantera and watch the hotties just roll in. heheheheeh


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Nov 3, 2010)

Is it lame of me to mention the fact that just because someone has piercings and tattoos it doesn't automatically mean they are goth or even enjoy metal?

I'm more of a rockabilly/psychobilly chick, myself.


Goth kids tend to make me giggle.


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## Sasquatch! (Nov 3, 2010)

Rockabilly ftw.


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## Zowie (Nov 3, 2010)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Is it lame of me to mention the fact that just because someone has piercings and tattoos it doesn't automatically mean they are goth or even enjoy metal?
> 
> I'm more of a rockabilly/psychobilly chick, myself.
> 
> ...



I think it falls into the next best thing, like someone said, as "alternative" chick, not the jazz listening librarian type. I think as long as the person is open to whatever you like, it doesn't really matter, no?


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## jezter6 (Nov 3, 2010)

You're right...it is a bit of a leap to stereotype music choice by looks.

That said, you get a split second sometimes to make a judgement of what is "likely" based on a quick look. You have to weigh some odds and come up with the "more likely" option. Being that rockabilly is slightly less known (and maybe less obvious) compared to metal/goth...it's more likely that you're a potential goth/metal chick (based on piercings and tattoos) than you would be "preppy/yuppie" type.

And I'm using metal/goth rather broadly. Potentially could include some sort of emo "look" (wild hair, tats, piercings, etc) and obviously the less known/understood rockabilly.

Maybe it's more appropriate to use something like alt/dark that might be a better fit, however as it's less known and a little harder to pin down than goth or metal, I'm not sure it's the appropriate term for it either.

I mean, I see a lot of the "pop princess" types with the nose ring/lip ring type...but even with the alt piercings, they're really not a high probability to be FFA in comparison to those with the slightly darker disposition.

Of course, since I know no real FFAs, I'm going a lot based on active posters here on the forum and picture threads to make some generalizations in hopes that people would chime in and confirm or disprove the assumption.


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## Amaranthine (Nov 3, 2010)

jezter6 said:


> I mean, I see a lot of the "pop princess" types with the nose ring/lip ring type...but even with the alt piercings, they're really not a high probability to be FFA in comparison to those with the slightly darker disposition.



I think that goes back to the idea that some people, like those into unique/alternative subcultures, may be more willing to be open about liking fat guys, or more inclined to try dating someone bigger instead of being repelled by society's ideals. Honestly, considering that FAism is naturally built into some people, anyone could be one- however, it could have an impact on how they act. If someone is REALLY self-conscious of it, they may adopt the "pop princess" persona in order to compensate for it, and even reject bigger guys entirely. It makes them feel more conventional. Alternatively, if someone is open to it, it may encourage them to be open to other nonconventional things- and, that can work in the opposite way, like people keep saying.

So I think...bottom line is, while you can derive some characteristics about a person through their manner of dress, the story behind it is ALWAYS different. Just have to take the time to look deeper into a person to find out.


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Nov 3, 2010)

jezter6 said:


> You're right...it is a bit of a leap to stereotype music choice by looks.
> 
> That said, you get a split second sometimes to make a judgement of what is "likely" based on a quick look. You have to weigh some odds and come up with the "more likely" option. Being that rockabilly is slightly less known (and maybe less obvious) compared to metal/goth...it's more likely that you're a potential goth/metal chick (based on piercings and tattoos) than you would be "preppy/yuppie" type.
> 
> ...



I'll certainly admit, you observe quite well!
After all, it is true that there are more alternative cultured people who are considered FFA's/FA's... and that could be because as an FFA we're already out of the mainstream, or it could be because as someone out of the mainstream were more likely to come out as being FFA's... it's the chicken and the egg.
Cept in this case the chicken is a love of fat men and the egg is an alternative appearance. Ahhh, making things more complicated than they need to be.


But I've noticed, most FFA's have known what they like their whole life. I mean, I even have memories of my attraction to fat as an infant. So it's possible that because I love that which isn't considered attractive, I've subconsciously been indifferent about my own looks when it comes to fitting in with society. 
But then again, even as a little child, I was always in awe whenever I saw someone with piercings or tattoos. Haha, I remember being confused when I saw someone with a plug for the first time. I couldn't figure out whether it was a mirror or a hole or what (of course, I was under 5 at the time, so my mind wasn't big enough to understand exactly what the fuck was in their ear).

And now I'm rambling. 
I totally bet that I just repeated everything that has already been said, but I repeated it in a convoluted and confusing way. That's my job.


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## jezter6 (Nov 3, 2010)

Amaranthine said:


> So I think...bottom line is, while you can derive some characteristics about a person through their manner of dress, the story behind it is ALWAYS different. Just have to take the time to look deeper into a person to find out.



Of course. As I mentioned - it's about making some snap judgments and playing the correct numbers game accordingly. If you find a group that appears to have higher probability for success (and that happens to conveniently be a group that you would LIKE success with)...then it would behoove you to not look at strategies to attract that type. 

As I said, I've done some work on my own online profiles (PM if you're on the sites mentioned and want to have a look and do any assisting) to try and further accentuate the fact and attempt to increase success rate by actively targeting a specific type instead of the blanket bomb approach.




MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> I'll certainly admit, you observe quite well.



Don't feed the ego. It'll get bigger than the belly, and I don't think we need MORE ego around here.


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## theronin23 (Nov 3, 2010)

jezter6 said:


> Don't feed the ego. It'll get bigger than the belly, and I don't think we need MORE ego around here.



Holy fuck. I like this guy.


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## Wantabelly (Nov 3, 2010)

I'm glad this thread was started. As a conventionally normal lady, I've often felt slightly left out by the seemingly dominant alternativeness on this board. And the points about alternative chicks being more open about being an ffa, very valid. Probably explains why it took me until I was 25 to come out of the fat closet! I have an inner alternative girl who giggles when I come across some awesome alternative pics but she's too small to come out for real. I think the alternativeness of being an ffa is enough for me. But anyway, I do feel like a minority here but thats no issue. Don't know where this is going. Bored in an edinburgh hotel so painfully typing this in on my phone.... Innit - love is love and life is life x


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## jezter6 (Nov 3, 2010)

Wantabelly,

Sorry that you feel that way, but I certainly understand where it could seem like that. Of course, I'm a newb here, so take my $0.02 with a grain of salt. My guess is that it's more of a relation to post count where the alt types just are mega postwhores or something.  I'd bet in a strictly numbers game, there are more non-Alt types here, but probably lurk a little more often than the others. Sort of like the above discussion that alt types are more likely to be more "out" with piercings and visible tats, I'd recon to wager that the personality type just posts more.


One thing you said that kinda keyed my interest was the relationship to "alternativeness" and your not coming 'out' until 25.

Is that to say that the the alternative gals here are all sub-25? Or some relationship to being openly alt (in relationship to tats and piercings) being a 'younger person' type of thing? Being 31, and looking for girls that are beyond the party stage and into something a little more..."real"...I know that sub-25ers are pretty much off my list unless they end up being totally awesome. 

Hopefully I'm not painting you into a corner where your comments could offend, I just found them interesting and would like to expand on them somewhat without creating a frenzy of douchetastic behavior in an otherwise awesome thread.


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## Venom (Nov 3, 2010)

I think that some of the reason why it seem like alt. correlates with FFA is because most people I know who are alt. don't care too much what people think of them. Its dressing and looking the way that makes you feel comfortable and not listing to social conforms. I have a lot of tattoos and use to have over 30 piercings people called me "goth" "techi" ect. but I don't label myself. 
I think that self confidence about appearance goes into it because some people care too much what people think of the person they date. One of my friends is a closet FFA and she admits she will never act on it because she is afraid of what others will say so she lives vicariously through me. I'm sure there are many others who are the same and just only date guys that their friends will approve of and not what they desire.


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## Tad (Nov 3, 2010)

Venom said:


> I think that self confidence about appearance goes into it because some people care too much what people think of the person they date. One of my friends is a closet FFA and she admits she will never act on it because she is afraid of what others will say so she lives vicariously through me. I'm sure there are many others who are the same and just only date guys that their friends will approve of and not what they desire.



Or they'll marry a reasonably trim guy, and kind of hope-against-hope that he'll fill out after marriage (on the one hand hoping he won't, since that is not socially desirable/acceptable, but on the other hand hoping he does, because it would be hot!)

This was one thing that I started wondering about in my early teens, there seemed to be an awful of lot of adults who had apparently gained weight after marriage, but from what I could observe, their partners didn't always seem too stressed by the fact.....long before I had heard of such thing as an FA I was wondering if some other people might like it, but more-or-less kept it secret?


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## Amandy (Nov 3, 2010)

I've observed a similar phenom here lately... and the tendency to be ready, able and willing to show oneself off, including some rather revealing pics, etc.

I find it extra interesting because for several years (when I was a Dims underager), the FFA population here was mostly on the conventional side and rather private (I grew up during the internetz' stalking scare days - its ingrained in my 90s DNA to not post pics of myself to strangers)... 

Through making those connections back in the day, I've got a few very good FFA girlfriends who are pretty much the preppy/princess types. And maybe that's because we're alike like that we've found each other and bonded so strongly. And maybe it's because we're over 25 too? I don't know where I'm going with this anymore, but there are FFAs who are neither librarians nor tatted metal goddesses.

p.s. Looking like a Lilly girl doesn't automatically mean she's part of the brainwashed herd - she might just like the fashion. Dang.


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## escapist (Nov 4, 2010)

It is nice that there are Metalhead FFA's, they do exist and if your the kind of guy that always wanted a girl that could rock out to Ramstein or Metallica and still love on your chub they are absolutely out there....now if you'll excuse me I have to go trap a metal loving FFA under part of my belly. :happy:


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## Joe944 (Nov 4, 2010)

The one FFA I met had rather standard tastes and other than the fact that she liked fat everything was pretty normal.

There may be some correlation but I don't think it's something to worry too much about.


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## inkedinto (Nov 4, 2010)

I love metal, rock, alt rock.. well music in general but gravitate towards the metal/rock. I have tattoos but dress I guess more preppy? (mostly because i'm forced to stupid clothing companies) and have to because of my line of work as well. Can't go too crazy in the looks department when you are in healthcare. 

I am past my party all night at the club (and by this I mean rock club) phase being 30. I've been looking for my biker/metal head boy on and off.. still yet to be found  Mind you I'm bbw myself so maybe I just haven't found my nice bhm rocker boy who loves on the chub himself.. who knows. I just keep looking  

As for whether its linked by sub-culture.. I think maybe just people who are a bit more willing to express themselves in anyway that is away from "mainstream" {and I use that term lightly because wtf is normal or mainstream anyways} are willing to speak up for what they want/like/do etc. so its possible those who are in the "mainstream" just aren't as vocal about it because of pressure etc.. like others have stated in previous postings.


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## J34 (May 11, 2011)

Awesome there is a thread on Metal! :happy:

I think its that whole metal subculture that is accepting of anything outside conventional habits which draws FA/FFA's alike. Although it is difficult to find women that like metal though, and those that do like it are usually taken. Maybe if I am lucky I might run into a chick that likes metal, even if she is not a BBW. Of course that means I might have to search some sort of place that draws such people, but I would not know the first place to look.


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## luvbigfellas (May 11, 2011)

*raises hand* Hi, I'm Amanda, I <3 metal. 

I'd probably have more tattoos and piercings and wear my corset and miniskirts and fishnets and strappy pants and stuff on a regular basis if I didn't have to dress so conservatively for work. (I used to have pictures of me in this sort of attire...not sure where they wandered off to.) I had my hair dyed a deep red color for awhile. 

I didn't think wearing all that stuff would work for finding a job and whatnot. Sigh.


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## ClockworkOrange (May 12, 2011)

METTAAAAAAALLLLLLL! 

I wish I had something interesting to say here. It also may be the case that people interested in all this interesting jazz are more open minded, interestingly enough.


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## Buffetbelly (May 23, 2011)

*Speaking of Goth BHM, does anybody remember Aston Kushner's roommate in The Butterfly Effect? The one constant in all the alternative realities was that he had a hot girlfriend he was inseparable from.*


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## escapist (May 24, 2011)

Sasquatch! said:


> Rockabilly ftw.



Totally in my Holy Trinity of FFA Sexyness, Goth, Metal, Rockabilly! :wubu: Toss in a bit of Techno/House/Punk stuff and the woman is just a Goddess! :bow:


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## J34 (May 26, 2011)

Buffetbelly said:


> *Speaking of Goth BHM, does anybody remember Aston Kushner's roommate in The Butterfly Effect? The one constant in all the alternative realities was that he had a hot girlfriend he was inseparable from.*



Yea I remember that! Great movie BTW


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## Jah (May 28, 2011)

I'm into metal/rock and bhms and also have a tattoo. I dressed like a goth when I was younger.


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## luvbigfellas (May 29, 2011)

Buffetbelly said:


> *Speaking of Goth BHM, does anybody remember Aston Kushner's roommate in The Butterfly Effect? The one constant in all the alternative realities was that he had a hot girlfriend he was inseparable from.*



The very hot Ethan Suplee, ladies and gentleman. :eat2:


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## Mordecai (Jun 8, 2011)

luvbigfellas said:


> The very hot Ethan Suplee, ladies and gentleman. :eat2:



I read that as Slurpee at first; I guess the :eat2: had a Freudian effect.


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## SanDiega (Jun 9, 2011)

Not 100 percent relavant, but have you all seen this?

Vegan Black Metal Chef

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeZlih4DDNg


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## powderfinger (Jun 10, 2011)

I'm waiting on the hipster FFA craze to take off. Everyone knows slender guys are way too mainstream.


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## tigerlily (Jun 10, 2011)

Amandy said:


> I've observed a similar phenom here lately... and the tendency to be ready, able and willing to show oneself off, including some rather revealing pics, etc.
> 
> I find it extra interesting because for several years (when I was a Dims underager), the FFA population here was mostly on the conventional side and rather private (I grew up during the internetz' stalking scare days - its ingrained in my 90s DNA to not post pics of myself to strangers)...
> 
> ...



I agree with this.  I actually love fashion. Assloads. So I take a lot of time and effort following modern styles 'n stuff. How funny that it might actually harm my chances of meeting someone who meets my personal preference. lol.



Wantabelly said:


> I'm glad this thread was started. As a conventionally normal lady, I've often felt slightly left out by the seemingly dominant alternativeness on this board. And the points about alternative chicks being more open about being an ffa, very valid. Probably explains why it took me until I was 25 to come out of the fat closet! I have an inner alternative girl who giggles when I come across some awesome alternative pics but she's too small to come out for real. I think the alternativeness of being an ffa is enough for me. But anyway, I do feel like a minority here but thats no issue. Don't know where this is going. Bored in an edinburgh hotel so painfully typing this in on my phone.... Innit - love is love and life is life x



Lol. Aww, you're not alone, Wantabelly!  I think there's plenty of us, we're just shyer. 

I'm loving this topic too. I've often wondered exactly what subcultures might be more BHM/BBW-friendly, but was never really sure how to ask about it.


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## Zowie (Jun 10, 2011)

powderfinger said:


> I'm waiting on the hipster FFA craze to take off. Everyone knows slender guys are way too mainstream.



Ugh, I was totally into big guys before anyone else was.


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## DVSShank (Jun 11, 2011)

Amaranthine said:


> I think that goes back to the idea that some people, like those into unique/alternative subcultures, may be more willing to be open about liking fat guys, or more inclined to try dating someone bigger instead of being repelled by society's ideals. Honestly, considering that FAism is naturally built into some people, anyone could be one- however, it could have an impact on how they act. If someone is REALLY self-conscious of it, they may adopt the "pop princess" persona in order to compensate for it, and even reject bigger guys entirely. It makes them feel more conventional. Alternatively, if someone is open to it, it may encourage them to be open to other nonconventional things- and, that can work in the opposite way, like people keep saying.
> 
> So I think...bottom line is, while you can derive some characteristics about a person through their manner of dress, the story behind it is ALWAYS different. Just have to take the time to look deeper into a person to find out.



Well said ! I couldn't agree more.


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## DVSShank (Jun 11, 2011)

Zowie said:


> Ugh, I was totally into big guys before anyone else was.



I'm still so stunned with skinny chicks being into us bigger guys. Finding this forum has really started to change my view on that.


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## luvbigfellas (Jun 12, 2011)

*screams the lyrics to "Hard Rock Hallelujah" whilst giving the horns*

Gawd, I love Lordi.


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## Freedumb (Jun 14, 2011)

Amandy said:


> I've observed a similar phenom here lately... and the tendency to be ready, able and willing to show oneself off, including some rather revealing pics, etc.
> 
> I find it extra interesting because for several years (when I was a Dims underager), the FFA population here was mostly on the conventional side and rather private (I grew up during the internetz' stalking scare days - its ingrained in my 90s DNA to not post pics of myself to strangers)...
> 
> ...



I <3 fashionista girls, but yes, looks can be quite deceiving.


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## Goreki (Jun 14, 2011)

Zowie said:


> Ugh, I was totally into big guys before anyone else was.


Being "into" stuff, is, like, SO five YEARS ago.


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