# I need a bit of help from you guys



## FatAndProud (Dec 22, 2006)

I've recently started to talk to a guy that's heavily into feeding and/or extremely heavy women, we're talking 650-800+lbs and that doesn't bother me. 

But what does bother me, is he wants me to drop everything and become his feedee. At my age, I'm too young (i think) to give up going to college and all that for someone, call me selfish but what if it didn't work? I'd have nothing to fall back on.

I'd like your guys opinions, please.


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## Ample Pie (Dec 22, 2006)

FatAndProud said:


> I've recently started to talk to a guy that's heavily into feeding and/or extremely heavy women, we're talking 650-800+lbs and that doesn't bother me.
> 
> But what does bother me, is he wants me to drop everything and become his feedee. At my age, I'm too young (i think) to give up going to college and all that for someone, call me selfish but what if it didn't work? I'd have nothing to fall back on.
> 
> I'd like your guys opinions, please.




that kind of committment is a bit like marriage--it's a big deal, full time, long term, every day committment. I think you're very smart to not want to drop everything for it. You have a right to live your life to the fullest on your own terms before committing to anything. Also, I think the idea of wanting to change someone so much that they can't live the life they want to seems a bit unfair. If you were wanting to give up one lifestyle for another, it'd be one thing, but you apparently don't and making it into a choice isn't really fair to you.

just my two cents.


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## Logan494 (Dec 22, 2006)

I agree, nothing's wrong with getting a little bigger at the moment, but to go into something like that isn't a good idea at your age. There's still tons out there you should be experiencing and so you need to live life a lil bit more before you think about making a commitment like that.


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## Mini (Dec 22, 2006)

I say go for it. In ten years you could be the subject of a documentary!


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## chubscout (Dec 22, 2006)

The premise that you should 'drop everything' to become his feedee is ridiculous. If that is how he really feels, then he is not an honorable person, because it sounds like a power thing for him -where the feedee is totally beholden to him with no life outside that relationship. A more healthy feeder/feedee relationship would likely be one in which the feederism is a common interest that is explored in appropriate times, primarily I suppose as a type of sexual foreplay. And for most of the time feeder/feedees should be living a regular life, collge, job, etc., just like anyone else. But, I am no expert so just my opinion. 

Edit: I think this actually a joke, right FatandProud?


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## Bigjoedo (Dec 22, 2006)

Finish you education, you can have fun with eating anything and everything you want and gaining weight over time, if he is a true FA then he will be happy with that. If not, maybe it is a power thing, making you totally dependent on him for support and everything else if you weigh 800 lbs.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Dec 22, 2006)

Tell him that you aren't going to sacrifice your entire life to fulfill his fantasy.


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Dec 22, 2006)

Rebecca's right... It's almost exactly like a marriage. I wouldn't do this for my boyfriend until I knew this guy was ***the one***. Gain 50 or 100 over a year or so. See how it goes, and then make a decision.


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## lipmixgirl (Dec 22, 2006)

FatAndProud said:


> I've recently started to talk to a guy that's heavily into feeding and/or extremely heavy women, we're talking 650-800+lbs and that doesn't bother me.
> 
> But what does bother me, is he wants me to drop everything and become his feedee. At my age, I'm too young (i think) to give up going to college and all that for someone, call me selfish but what if it didn't work? I'd have nothing to fall back on.
> 
> I'd like your guys opinions, please.



there are a couple of issues going on here - allow me to do what i do best and pick them apart.

1. from your comment, you seem to entertain the idea of gaining/feederism as something you may like to participate in. your body - your choice. 

2. if you are considering gaining greatly, i recommend consulting with other supersize and ultrasize girls to talk about what the ss/us experience is like... how life and your body changes with such added size...

3. now, as for the guy... he wants you to drop everything and be his feeding project? that has TROUBLE written all over it... you are a person, f&p, not a pet... you have a life and life goals... from your post, you have been asked to abandon you and submit fully to the feeder... 

4.the next question becomes, what happens if you decide to commit to the project and when you have gained as much as you can gain, what happens??? if you choose the route of immobility due to weight of upwards of 800+ pounds, is mr. feeder going to be there to take care of you on a daily basis? will he be your committed life partner and caregiver? 

5. imho, it sounds B.A.D. bad... no right-minded sane individual would ask you to give up being you to serve his cause... and i got news for you... if this is being presented as being an opportunity for "love", i got news for you... that is one big LIE... as love is not about objectification... 

feel free to hit me back with your thoughts...


the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 22, 2006)

You know, there are boyfriends and then there are husbands.... if he's not your husband, why in hell would you alter your life so drastically to "meet his needs"?
That sounds like one hell of a commitment to me... just how I view it.

I wouldn't consider buying a house with a guy I didn't care to marry (or didn't want to marry me), much less give up my education and mobility so he can get off.....


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## FatAndProud (Dec 22, 2006)

Thank you all for your opinions. It is not a joke.

He makes me feel special which always makes any woman become oblivious to common sense (at least in my case). 

I've brought these points up to him and he tries to convince me other things. If he did want to make things work like that wouldn't he meet me half way? I don't think I should give my life away, like I said, for anyone. He even wants me to move away from friends and family. It's crazy. I know I'm making him sound weird or whatever. But he's honestly not, he's just very set on what he sees should happen. And it scares me. Big time. I don't think I'm ready for marriage, kids, or anything like that...let alone a serious drop-everything-and-become-my-feedee thing. I think feederism should be like a place to retreat for fun not be a prison.


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 22, 2006)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but when you say you've been 'talking' to him, does this mean it's an online thing and you possibly have never even met this man?

So yes, dropping your whole life, family, friends and plans for an education to weigh 800 pounds because it would please a man you've never been in the same room with is *not* a good idea.

Why not tell him that you'd be happy to be his feedee, but you want to stay where you are, if he is so strongly attracted to this idea, then why doesn't he move? This sounds like his fantasy, yet what concessions is he making to fulfill it?


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## AnnMarie (Dec 22, 2006)

No, no, no, no, no. 

This isn't a post (meaning mine) about anti-feeder, it's just a basic reaction to alarm bells. 

If you didn't want to gain to 650-800lbs on YOUR OWN then you should never, ever do it for anyone else. I don't give a shit if he IS your husband and tattoos your name on his ass.... if YOU don't want to do it, you don't. 

If your interest in gaining is sincere and for fun or recreation, then you keep it that way. 

Just the fact that you said he/this scares you is reason enough to step back, and quick, from this guy.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Dec 22, 2006)

Sweetheart this guy sounds like a predator. Get away from him. Anyone who loves you woudl not ask this of you. Believe me I have seen this before.

Live your life on your terms.


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## UberAris (Dec 22, 2006)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> Tell him that you aren't going to sacrifice your entire life to fulfill his fantasy.



Total concurrence. Its a HUGE thing to get into, and while putting on a few pounds can be fun, its not something you want to devote yourself to when your in college. And if things don't work out with said person, then what? if you have doubts, yourself, its probably a good sign to not do it.


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## elle camino (Dec 22, 2006)

honey, you're answering your own questions here. you know it's crazy, you KNOW it's a bad idea, so there you go. you're right. trust your gut.


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## SamanthaNY (Dec 22, 2006)

Granted, we know little of this man, but if I were in your circle of friends, I would ask: why would you consider someone with which you had a seemingly unbalanced (as in... his needs are valued higher than yours, and there is little regard for your future) relationship? I would be also question why you even felt the need to ask others about this decision, when your own self-worth should have told you that he is a man who considers his own needs above all others (or, at least over yours). 



> But what does bother me, is he wants me to drop everything and become his feedee. At my age, I'm too young (i think) to give up going to college and all that for someone, call me selfish but what if it didn't work? I'd have nothing to fall back on.


I'm glad to hear it at least bothers you - that's a good sign that you value your own life and deserve to be something more than someone's girlfriend. But please don't ever think of taking care of yourself, and sticking up for equality in a relationship as 'selfish'.

Perhaps there are elements of feederism in this tale that I don't understand and therefore can't (and shouldn't) comment on - but my advice would be to put his desires aside, and consider evaluating your own motivations and reactions here. To me, that's where the real issue lies. A true, caring partner will want to build a life _with _you - not have you give yours up to please him. That's the partner you should want - not this guy. 


> And it scares me.


LISTEN to this emotion. This is your instinct telling you that this relationship is something to immediately run from.


> He even wants me to move away from friends and family. It's crazy....he's just very set on what he sees should happen.





> I've brought these points up to him and he tries to convince me other things.


This is classic manipulation. Dangerous. Bad. Wrong. _Run_. 


> If he did want to make things work like that wouldn't he meet me half way?


Of course. Now grab on to whatever causes that notion to occur to you, and clutch it like a life raft. Because it is one.

Is it just me? Or is this is too obvious? I feel like we're being pranked.


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## UncannyBruceman (Dec 22, 2006)

FatAndProud said:


> I think feederism should be like a place to retreat for fun not be a prison.



The buck stops right there. That's what it is, that's what it was meant to be, and if it feels any different, then it's not for you or you're just not doing it right.

I hate to admit this but I agree with lipmixgirl. Putting your life on hold for someone else is one of the biggest mistakes you can possible make. Whether it's over feederism, marriage, being a mom, or whatever else sounds somewhat appealing to you.

If you're interested in feederism, then it's up to you to find someone who's willing to go about it by YOUR RULES. Until you find that person, anyone and everyone else needs to be avoided.


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## elle camino (Dec 22, 2006)

also i think a lot of people here are going to pussyfoot, because the topic is feederism and whatnot, and a few of the zealots on this board are SO frigging sensitive about their precious fetish. eff that. feederism is not the issue, here. the issue is that this guy wants you to do something you are clearly not comfortable doing, and he's apparantly being incredibly controlling about it, to the point of making it a non-negotiable condition of you two even being together. 
if his fetish was footbinding, and he had some elaborate long-term plan of you getting your feet down to thimble-sized nubs, which you were not on board with (seeing as you enjoy your feet and the mobility they provide), the advice would be the exact same.
run. 
far, far away.


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## supersoup (Dec 22, 2006)

elle camino said:


> also i think a lot of people here are going to pussyfoot, because the topic is feederism and whatnot, and a few of the zealots on this board are SO frigging sensitive about their precious fetish. eff that. feederism is not the issue, here. the issue is that this guy wants you to do something you are clearly not comfortable doing, and he's apparantly being incredibly controlling about it, to the point of making it a non-negotiable condition of you two even being together.
> if his fetish was footbinding, and he had some elaborate long-term plan of you getting your feet down to thimble-sized nubs, which you were not on board with (seeing as you enjoy your feet and the mobility they provide), the advice would be the exact same.
> run.
> far, far away.


perfectly put.


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 22, 2006)

I will not pussyfoot.

This is a totally stupid idea. Don't do it.


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## elle camino (Dec 22, 2006)

<3
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


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## Still a Skye fan (Dec 22, 2006)

FatAndProud said:


> I've recently started to talk to a guy that's heavily into feeding and/or extremely heavy women, we're talking 650-800+lbs and that doesn't bother me.
> 
> But what does bother me, is he wants me to drop everything and become his feedee. At my age, I'm too young (i think) to give up going to college and all that for someone, call me selfish but what if it didn't work? I'd have nothing to fall back on.
> 
> I'd like your guys opinions, please.




With the cost of college today, if you have the means to go and want to, you absolutely should.

I had to work my arse off through college and grad school but I was rewarded with a decently paying job in a profession I like.


Dennis


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## coyote wild (Dec 22, 2006)

not that I need to throw in my 2 cents at this point, but seriously. There's no way this is a good idea (becoming his feedee, I mean). Yeah, he's dangerous and you seriously need to consider getting up and out of that. I mean, seriously. No considering, do NOT humor him, do not dwell on the idea or sleep on it.

No, is the answer. It's the right answer, and I can't get that point across enough. You wanna be a feedee and get fatter? Hey, I'm not going to stop you, but like someone else said, do it on your own terms. Do it moderately, do it in good fun. But this sounds like a bad situation.


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## formerking (Dec 22, 2006)

FatAndProud said:


> But what does bother me, is he wants me to drop everything and become his feedee. At my age, I'm too young (i think) to give up going to college and all that for someone, call me selfish but what if it didn't work? I'd have nothing to fall back on.
> 
> I'd like your guys opinions, please.


 
If a relationship starts out with one (just one) being asked to perform life altering decisions then something is wrong. What will he bring to the table? Well food so he says. But he could stop doing that any time without any consequences for him while you would have to bear a heavy burden for a long time after. He would have to sign up for quite a bit more responsibility and most likely more than he could even take. Don't drop out of college.


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## NFA (Dec 22, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> No, no, no, no, no.
> 
> This isn't a post (meaning mine) about anti-feeder, it's just a basic reaction to alarm bells.
> 
> ...



I'd rep you if I could, but it seems I can't.

Honestly, this isn't anti-feeder, but run from this guy. I get that he makes you feel special, but you ARE a special and wonderful person and there will be other men who can make you feel that way. He can express a desire for his eventual ideal scenario all he pleases, but if this is something he really is suggesting as a right now or even near future, that's not right. Its not normal. Run. ANY man who would be asking you to give up your life for him is acting weird and creepy and fear is a justified response. When they want you not just to give up your life, but give it over to them, that's possessiveness, manipulation, and self-involvement to the extreme. Run.


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## babyjeep21 (Dec 22, 2006)

Life should be all about your wants, needs and desires.

You deserve someone who will fulfill your wants, your needs, and your desires.

You deserve someone who is not trying to alienate you from your family, friends, education, or career.

You deserve to be happy and do what you want.

If you've got to ask a group of friends whether or not this is the right person for you to get involved with.... well, I would think that the answer is obvious.

I say wait... and a man who is able to make you feel special, while going out of his way to fulfill your own fantasies, will eventually come around.


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## chubscout (Dec 22, 2006)

I would say that life should be first and foremost about your own wants, and needs but not *all *about your own wants and needs. One should be able to accommodate the wants and needs of his/her partner but only to the extent it doesn't override your own right to happiness and fulfillment.

In our modern society, common sense would say a significant other should enhance your existing life not be someone you completely rebuild your life around. 

The question for the current situation is whether the guy is worth talking to further to see if he can be made to understand the folly of his ideas or whether to just cut bait and run as several have suggested. Most likely it will be the latter.

*shrugs*

P.S. Sorry for the remark about this being a joke. I just thought you might be pulling our collective legs here.




babyjeep21 said:


> Life should be all about your wants, needs and desires.
> 
> You deserve someone who will fulfill your wants, your needs, and your desires.
> 
> ...


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## babyjeep21 (Dec 22, 2006)

chubscout said:


> I would say that life should be first and foremost about your own wants, and needs but not *all *about your own wants and needs. One should be able to accommodate the wants and needs of his/her partner but only to the extent it doesn't override your own right to happiness and fulfillment.
> 
> In our modern society, common sense would say a significant other should enhance your existing life not be someone you completely rebuild your life around.
> 
> ...



Please do not take what I say so literally. I do believe that relationships last because the people within them compromise and work to make each other happy.

That being said, if compromising within this situation does not fit her wants and needs... I don't see how it is something she should consider. She should not bend or change her position if what he suggests "scares" her. 

Also...I understand that you're not saying she should compromise. It sounds like he may be better off with someone whose desires mirror his own.


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## chubscout (Dec 22, 2006)

babyjeep21 said:


> Please do not take what I say so literally. I do believe that relationships last because the people within them compromise and work to make each other happy.



Duly noted.  



babyjeep21 said:


> That being said, if compromising within this situation does not fit her wants and needs... I don't see how it is something she should consider. She should not bend or change her position if what he suggests "scares" her.



The question might be whether she as the potential 'feedee' believes she can maintain control of the situation. For example, I agree with the person that said make him come to you.



babyjeep21 said:


> Also...I understand that you're not saying she should compromise. It sounds like he may be better off with someone whose desires mirror his own.



Agreed. So the verdict seems to be punt, cut bait, etc.


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## Benderjoe (Dec 23, 2006)

If you have to ask, you already know the answer*.



*advice does not apply to math, science, or religion.


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## Ample Pie (Dec 23, 2006)

I thought my comment about it being unfair to FaP made it obvious that the whole situation seems like a bad idea--even to a 'zealot' like me. Maybe I _was_ pussyfooting, or maybe it was just important to introduce a little trademark bit of condescension into the argument. In either case, I'll attempt to be more clear--whether it's becoming his feedee, his wife, or any other committment, it's a VERY bad idea to put aside your own wants/desires/path just for the pleasure of someone else. If he cared about you enough to be worth that kind of committment, he'd want you to make the most out of your life---in whatever way YOU WANT, not just in the way he wants.

Feederism aside, he sounds selfish and controlling--and I wouldn't want to be tied to someone like that in any way, least of all in a way that will change my body and life to such a degree.

So yes, run like the wind.


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## wrench13 (Dec 23, 2006)

FaP, IMHO, you are being played. big time. 

Run, do not walk away from this, do not dwell on the 'might have beens' and seek out a new relationship with someone more in tune with your needs and wants.


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## Jon Blaze (Dec 23, 2006)

babyjeep21 said:


> Life should be all about your wants, needs and desires.
> 
> You deserve someone who will fulfill your wants, your needs, and your desires.
> 
> ...



BabyJeep is exactly right (which is why she gets reps  ).

See where things go (mentally and then physically), and then make your decision. Is gaining something that arouses you? What about going to college? Do you think you love him? How long have you known each other? Do you think you two can be happy together? Are you two really close?

Take sometime to reflect on this subject and write down (or just contemplate) the pros and cons of doing this. Once again I'll agree with everyone else by saying that the relationship has to be 50/50.

I know if you think about this, you will make a smart decision.


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## Zandoz (Dec 23, 2006)

Any relationship based on one or more needing to change is precarious from the start...regardless of basis on weight or anything else.


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## Archangel (Dec 23, 2006)

I agree with just about everyone. It is a bad idea. Anyone that was really interested in you would want you to accomplish the things you want out of life (finishing college, being around friends and family, etc). I hope you realize that almost everyone in this thread has agreed that it's a bad idea, and that most times people won't agree the sky is blue.


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## moonvine (Dec 23, 2006)

FatAndProud said:


> He even wants me to move away from friends and family.




This, along with the quick involvement, is a nice big scary red flag.

He sounds like an abuser to me. 

I'm afraid you won't listen to all of us and the next thing you will do is come on here and defend him. And I fear this because I have been there. Please don't end up in the battered women's shelter like I did. 

***I expect the battered women's shelter is even less pleasant at 600-800 pounds than it was at 200, or whatever I weighed, due to the simple fact they are not set up to accomodate women of that size.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 23, 2006)

Rebecca said:


> In either case, I'll attempt to be more clear--whether it's becoming his feedee, his wife, or any other committment, it's a VERY bad idea to put aside your own wants/desires/path just for the pleasure of someone else. If he cared about you enough to be worth that kind of committment, he'd want you to make the most out of your life---in whatever way YOU WANT, not just in the way he wants.
> 
> Feederism aside, he sounds selfish and controlling--and I wouldn't want to be tied to someone like that in any way, least of all in a way that will change my body and life to such a degree.
> 
> So yes, run like the wind.



Just want to add, FaP, that I notice that some of us ladies have the downfall of thinking a guy will "change" if we just love him enough or somehow prove ourselves "worthy of his love". That's a crock, Lady. He isn't going to wake up one day, decide he loves you, decide that he was wrong to treat you this way and suddenly make everything "okay". It's a pipe dream that isn't happening- if he's a jerk now- he will be a jerk to you five years down the road. Mark my words- I have made this mistake too often myself.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 23, 2006)

moonvine said:


> This, along with the quick involvement, is a nice big scary red flag.
> 
> He sounds like an abuser to me.
> 
> ...



He IS an abuser- I was an abused child and now realize that I seek these type of men. I have been in enough of these shitty relationships to know it. DON'T DO IT, FaP. 
You really can do much better for yourself- start telling yourself that instead of the usual putdowns and it will come true.


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## plumpum (Dec 23, 2006)

First of all I am a lover of fat women..and an encourager/feeder in real life..so NO FLAMES !! lol 

Please listen and take this to heart: You have a future ahead of you..its YOUR furture. Even the best of relationsips don't always last..and now you are flirting with a relationship that is a bigger commitment than marrage. You are being asked to alter your body in such a way that it will have permanant health and lifestyle consequences.

If this is the way the relationship is starting, with him asking you to give up your future for a fetish...where can it possible go from there for you? If he is being this pushy about it so soon..it seems to reason that growing you is all he cares about. Even if the idea appeals to you..you must understand that he DOES NOT have your best interest in mind FIRST.

I know men can be convincing ( I am one)...but please LISTEN to me and the others with whom you have reached out to...people who have lots of experience with this stuff and DO care about your future. Let this be your wake up call.. PLEASE!


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## Russ2d (Dec 23, 2006)

Originally Posted by babyjeep21 
_Life should be all about your wants, needs and desires._

Actually that is what this guy is doing. I agree with Chubscott babyjeep- swinging the pendulum too far the other way, I know you've responded but I had the same reaction.

Relationships last when you care as much about your partner's needs as you do about your own, and they care about your needs as much as they do about their own. 

Relationships don't last when it's all about your needs and desires and your partner's are irrelevant, or you have a partner that treats your needs as irrelevant. Should be obvious I hope. Finding someone who is compatiable to you and you to him/her.

On areas of disagreement it is all about compromise. 

I would suggest finding another feeder/FA as this guy sounds rather unbalanced- with the move away from your family and friends, not really knowing each other etc.


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## CleverBomb (Dec 23, 2006)

I ran across a couple of comments that this might be a put-on as it's almost too perfect an example of exploitation.
Whether or not it is, it's provoked a lot of useful and informative responses.
Someone'll run across this someday and go, "wow, that's me!" and might do something about it.

-Rusty


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## Fuzzy (Dec 23, 2006)

I'm the one standing in the middle of the "No, Something's Not Right" Chorus.

Like someone (AnnMarie?) posted: No, No, No, No.


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## elle camino (Dec 23, 2006)

Rebecca said:


> --even to a 'zealot' like me. Maybe I _was_ pussyfooting, or maybe it was just important to introduce a little trademark bit of condescension into the argument.



girl, seriously, don't flatter yourself - it's unbecoming. if i had been talking about you, rest assured i would have used your name.


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## Mercedes (Dec 23, 2006)

FatAndProud said:


> I've recently started to talk to a guy that's heavily into feeding and/or extremely heavy women, we're talking 650-800+lbs and that doesn't bother me.
> 
> But what does bother me, is he wants me to drop everything and become his feedee. At my age, I'm too young (i think) to give up going to college and all that for someone, call me selfish but what if it didn't work? I'd have nothing to fall back on.
> 
> I'd like your guys opinions, please.


 
No person should be that important in your life so as to base such an important decision for him. That decision you must take alone, taking into account the practicality of it all. I mean I'm sorry to be blunt but what about if you find yourself immobile and then he decides to just leave? I wouldn't want you to go through that hun. I also agree with what the others posted. Like for example gain 50lbs, see how it goes, check your mobility, exercise to keep your muscles strong which is indispensible for mobility... more importantly check your relationship and see whether it's based mainly on the gaining issue or whether he loves you in general as a whole just the way you are.

True love and commitment shouldn't be on this stuff. To mention an extreme, a person could get run over by a car and become a cripple for the rest of his life. That certainly won't mean the end of a relationship for me if he's a person I love and cherish. Same goes for weight. Sometimes health issues can get in the way and a person can't keep gaining or might have to lose weight. How would your boyfriend feel in such a case?


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## Ample Pie (Dec 23, 2006)

elle camino said:


> girl, seriously, don't flatter yourself - it's unbecoming. if i had been talking about you, rest assured i would have used your name.



just because you didn't name names doesn't mean you didn't mention a group of which I'm a member--similarly, I didn't use your name, but you were well aware I was referring to your comment. 

Calm down, it's just the net.


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## elle camino (Dec 23, 2006)

Rebecca said:


> just because you didn't name names doesn't mean you didn't mention a group of which I'm a member


soooo...you're calling _yourself _a zealot? alrighty girl, entirely your prerogative.

and yeah muffin i WAS well aware that you were referring to my comment, seeing as you directly quoted my comment. i don't really see how that applies here, but hey. it's fun to type words, right?


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 23, 2006)

Probably a lot of time wasted trying to interpret [or misinterpret] what she said or meant.


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## Ample Pie (Dec 23, 2006)

elle camino said:


> soooo...you're calling _yourself _a zealot? alrighty girl, entirely your prerogative.
> 
> and yeah muffin i WAS well aware that you were referring to my comment, seeing as you directly quoted my comment. i don't really see how that applies here, but hey. it's fun to type words, right?



this is really worthless, I know, but for the record: I wasn't suggesting that you had a hard time figuring out I was referring to you. I was just citing it as an example of ways we talk about people/their comments without naming it...which is to say it's perfectly possible.

A zealot, no, but then I'm not the one who labelled people who are into feeding as zealots.


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## Actor4hire (Dec 23, 2006)

Ok, let's look at this. 

1.) This is an un-healthy relationship.

2.) Please look at number one incase you didn't understand.


Wanting to use food to enhance your sex life or just to have fun is one thing. A man wanting to get you up to 6-800 pounds is another. If he loved you, he would love you at your current BBW weight, he should not need you to gain another 500 pounds. This sounds more like a fetish than love. Sorry to be so blunt, but you asked for help. 

Good luck to you either way...


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 23, 2006)

What she said was that there were "feeding zealots" on this board, which is true.

She did not say "everyone who is into it is such an out of control zealot that they will be offended if I say that Fat and Proud does not have a winner of an idea with this one."


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## Ample Pie (Dec 23, 2006)

LoveBHMS said:


> Probably a lot of time wasted trying to interpret [or misinterpret] what she said or meant.




she is pretty skilled at spewing forth her message, so does that means she doesn't need your defense anymore than my interpretation?

just curious.


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## babyjeep21 (Dec 23, 2006)

Russ2d said:


> Originally Posted by babyjeep21
> *Life should be all about your wants, needs and desires.*
> 
> Actually that is what this guy is doing. I agree with Chubscott babyjeep- swinging the pendulum too far the other way, I know you've responded but I had the same reaction. of disagreement it is all about compromise.



I just wanted to reiterate....  



babyjeep21 said:


> Please do not take what I say so literally. I do believe that relationships last because the people within them compromise and work to make each other happy.


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## LoveBHMS (Dec 23, 2006)

not so much "defending."

I also think it's rude to refer to her remarks as 'spewing', just because she said something with which you did not agree does not make her 'spewing.'


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## elle camino (Dec 23, 2006)

LoveBHMS said:


> What she said was that there were "feeding zealots" on this board, which is true.
> 
> She did not say "everyone who is into it is such an out of control zealot that they will be offended if I say that Fat and Proud does not have a winner of an idea with this one."


wow! it's almost like you actually read my post!

seriously rebecca, you need to get this martyr complex of yours checked out. 
yikes.


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## FatAndProud (Dec 23, 2006)

One more thing before I take all these into consideration (thanks so much for your inputs and all that jazz!!)...but how many of you that answered are feeders/feedees? I don't mean to make this all about the feedees/feeders thread but I'd like some experienced (not just a fetish/fantasy) people to shed some light. I'm interested in what a REAL relationship with feederism is like.


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## elle camino (Dec 23, 2006)

FatAndProud said:


> One more thing before I take all these into consideration (thanks so much for your inputs and all that jazz!!)


i'm glad you're taking all this into consideration. there is some incredibly sound, balanced advice in this thread. whatever you choose to do from here on out, i sincerely hope you end up happy and fulfilled. 

as for feeder/not a feeder, put me down in the latter column. nothing specifically against it as a concept, just doesn't float my boat.


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## love dubh (Dec 24, 2006)

Not a feeder, but definately a believer in bodily integrity. That is, I wouldn't drop my life, drop out of college and hole up in some dude's apartment so he can brand and pierce me into a clingy-clangy conglomeration of metal....just because I happen to find piercing and light spanking fun. See the difference? 

This isn't a feedee/feeder issue (well, I mean, yes it is....but...)....Your problem here is bodily integrity. He's asking you to dramatically alter yourself and drop your ambitions to please him sexually. Someone before said it perfectly: *if you're not on your way to getting up to 600lbs on your own, then it's not what you want to do. * If YOU'RE not actively searching for a feeder for that sort of achievement, then it's not what you want to do!

Yeah, sweet nothings sound hot. That's the nature of sweet nothings. Persuasion is a strong, disingenuous and pleasing creature, and that's just who he is using to lure you in. And everyone can be victimized by persuasion. 

You need to get AWAY from this....if only for a few days. DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH THIS MAN FOR A WHILE. A week...two...a MONTH...AT THE LEAST....because that's the very least you could do for yourself *to ponder* a decision that would affect YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

eta: yeah, 700posts. <3


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## Benderjoe (Dec 24, 2006)

Feeder here.

As for what a feeder/feedee relationship is like. . . I've always thought the best way to go about it is make it a secondary thing. When it becomes the primary, then something isn't right. A good relationship may go like "Hey, Gina, would you like to go out tonight, and maybe later you know ha ha ho ho ho." and not "Hey, you, eat."

I'm not opposed to power play issues in relationships and all that, but your situation doesn't sound like it will be healthy in the long, and probably more likely, short run.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 24, 2006)

FatAndProud, run from this guy! He does not have your best interests at heart! He wants you to move away from your family, he wants you to give up your dreams, and he tries to manipulate you. These are the typical traits of an abuser. This man wants to ruin your life. Please save yourself a lifetime of hardship and end the relationship with him. 




FatAndProud said:


> Thank you all for your opinions. It is not a joke.
> 
> He makes me feel special which always makes any woman become oblivious to common sense (at least in my case).
> 
> I've brought these points up to him and he tries to convince me other things. If he did want to make things work like that wouldn't he meet me half way? I don't think I should give my life away, like I said, for anyone. He even wants me to move away from friends and family. It's crazy. I know I'm making him sound weird or whatever. But he's honestly not, he's just very set on what he sees should happen. And it scares me. Big time. I don't think I'm ready for marriage, kids, or anything like that...let alone a serious drop-everything-and-become-my-feedee thing. I think feederism should be like a place to retreat for fun not be a prison.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 24, 2006)

The issue you have brought up has nothing to do with the merits of feeding. I'm not a feeder, but I will tell you that this guy might be a predator. The fetish is irrelevant; it's the red flags that are disturbing: quick involvement, isolating you from friends and family, manipulation and things like that. 

I know there are feeders out there who are not predators like the guy you are involved with. I wish you luck in finding a feeder who will love you as you deserved to be loved and treat you as the lady you are.




FatAndProud said:


> One more thing before I take all these into consideration (thanks so much for your inputs and all that jazz!!)...but how many of you that answered are feeders/feedees? I don't mean to make this all about the feedees/feeders thread but I'd like some experienced (not just a fetish/fantasy) people to shed some light. I'm interested in what a REAL relationship with feederism is like.


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## Mikey (Dec 24, 2006)

Surprisingly, I find myself agreeing with Aris (and others) on this one. Anyone who asks you too drop everything for them as soon as they meet you...not a good thing!! This is akin to him asking you to pick up and move to Zimbabwe after knowing you briefly. While you might want to gain...and gain loads of weight...at this time I would not give up school, family etc. Besides, I am sure that sort of a gain would take a few years anyway. 
Quite frankly, I think he is running away with his fanatasies..oh and I know a few ladies who are 650 plus pounds who are not immobile...it all depends on the person (I know some 250 lb people who are immobile)
Lots of luck to you!



lipmixgirl said:


> there are a couple of issues going on here - allow me to do what i do best and pick them apart.
> 
> 1. from your comment, you seem to entertain the idea of gaining/feederism as something you may like to participate in. your body - your choice.
> 
> ...


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Dec 24, 2006)

FatAndProud said:


> One more thing before I take all these into consideration (thanks so much for your inputs and all that jazz!!)...but how many of you that answered are feeders/feedees? I don't mean to make this all about the feedees/feeders thread but I'd like some experienced (not just a fetish/fantasy) people to shed some light. I'm interested in what a REAL relationship with feederism is like.



To start with, any real relationship does not involve you giving up your job and breaking off contact with friends and family, unless you're a mail-order bride.


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## Ample Pie (Dec 24, 2006)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> To start with, any real relationship does not involve you giving up your job and breaking off contact with friends and family, unless you're a mail-order bride.



very good point.


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## dodo (Dec 24, 2006)

Once, while ambling merrily down the street, I paused to speak with a beautiful girl. She immediately stopped what she was doing and devoted her full attention to our brief intercourse. When I realized she'd entirely put her life on hold for me, I ran away.

Dodo


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## StrawberryShortcake (Dec 24, 2006)

Run as hard and as fast as you can while you still can.


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