# When FAs Miss the Mark



## Lina (Mar 1, 2010)

Every FA/FFA have a lot of expectations to live up to and things can always get mixed up and things don't work out. I've just come across some funny/interesting situations that although they weren't intentional, I thought were comical and wanted to hear other's experiences.


My latest one:
We headed out roller skating (to kickstart my future career as a Roller Derby gal) and he was in charge of mapping out how to get there on public transportation. I'm not sure what happened, but we ended up walking 3 1/2 miles to get to the skating rink. While skating to the last song a kid distracted him and he accidentally knocked me over on the ground. Then, to end the day, we took a two mile walk through a hiking trail at night to get back to the bus to go home. Did I mention that I was wearing flats?


(I want to also say I love me some FAs and this isn't meant to be a bashing fest)


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## crayola box (Mar 1, 2010)

That definitely sounds like a Murphy's law kinda night, thanks for sharing!
Though in all fairness I think that even a thin woman with a non FA would not have enjoyed walking 3.5 miles in uncomfortable shoes, getting knocked down and hiking in the dark! 

Hmm will have to think and see if I remember any similar situations...


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 1, 2010)

lol. Well props to you for being able to keep up!!! I woulda demanded he call a taxi, lol...even for 3.5 miles. But if ya wanna be an athlete, I guess it's a good warm up

As for mishaps with FAs, I don't really have any that come to mind....I'll have a think! Most of my mishaps have come from living in a country where they aren't used to supersized peeps like me.


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## exile in thighville (Mar 1, 2010)

i inadvertantly made a friend who inhabits this board walk too far in the wrong direction to a movie theater with too small seats. i probably haven't been forgiven, though she's very nice.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 1, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> i inadvertantly made a friend who inhabits this board walk too far in the wrong direction to a movie theater with too small seats. i probably haven't been forgiven, though she's very nice.



omg. you're fired.


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## Webmaster (Mar 1, 2010)

I'm sure he won't do that again.  

In the larger scheme of things, it's symptomatic of the struggle FAs go through in finding out what goes and what doesn't with a fat partner. I remember my own learning process where I had to figure out what fit, what didn't, what was appropriate and doable and what wasn't. 



Lina said:


> Every FA/FFA have a lot of expectations to live up to and things can always get mixed up and things don't work out....


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## Ned Sonntag (Mar 1, 2010)

Ah yes this why it's good to date old-timers... we're all broken-in and pre-trained...:blush::blush::blush:


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## superodalisque (Mar 1, 2010)

Ned Sonntag said:


> Ah yes this why it's good to date old-timers... we're all broken-in and pre-trained...:blush::blush::blush:



why you abnoxious self advertiser you!


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## Weeze (Mar 1, 2010)

I'll probably get flamed for this (Always do ) but, i'd like to point out that while we have a Reality of Dating an SSBBW thread, which is good education, issues are not always limited to super-women. I feel like I can't stress that enough. We have the tendency to say, Oh, she's only 280-300 lbs, she'll be fine. Fact is, that's really not always the case. I have to worry about booth size too. Because of the awkward size of my chest, I can't always just go pick something up at Lane Bryant or Avenue. Actually, it's pretty funny. I recently talked to an FA that hadn't even realized plus size stores existed... Where did he think big people got clothes from? 

But, yeah. That was my big point. I know no one's really said it yet, but I figured it should be mentioned. 

My worst FA story? Actually went out with a feeder who didn't know where to separate reality and what goes on in the bedroom, and expected me to LIKE half my ass hanging out of the booth, and eat a whole pizza... and he talked about my fat while an elderly couple in the booth over stared  
We need a handbook


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## moniquessbbw (Mar 1, 2010)

Ned Sonntag said:


> Ah yes this why it's good to date old-timers... we're all broken-in and pre-trained...:blush::blush::blush:



Ned you seem well seasoned that why we all love you. You're flavorful . By the way my rules for dating any man is you must have a car, job, and a place to live then we can talk. I don't think that's too much to ask.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Mar 1, 2010)

Mike and I had many a arguments when we first started dating because although he was :wubu: :wubu: :wubu: ssbbw, he didn't really have a clue about the limitations of such a person. Thankfully I am out spoken and I like to train my boys, it worked out wonderfully well.

I can't remember the exact circumstance, but he commented that sometimes he forgot I had limitations and it ended up in a talk about what if someone you loved was in a wheelchair, would you forget? He is perfectly trained now and knows exactly how to treat a 600lb woman


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## kayrae (Mar 1, 2010)

a job is kinda hard to have right now 
poor laid off FAs


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## stan_der_man (Mar 1, 2010)

As a guy who has taken big girls out on dates back when I was single and still goes out on the town with my BBW wife... My foible has always been inadvertently managing to find places with tight seating (restaurants, clubs, etc.) It's probably the cheap, funky places I tend to go to. I also tend to do a lot of walking when taking public transportation.

One of the other things I've noticed about the techniques my wife and I have for finding a parking space that differs... I will tend to park in the open parking spaces towards the back of the parking lot, which require more walking. My wife will drive around and around, looking for a parking space up towards the front. The problem with that for me is that I tend to get car sick.


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## disconnectedsmile (Mar 1, 2010)

moniquessbbw said:


> By the way my rules for dating any man is you must have a car, job, and a place to live then we can talk. I don't think that's too much to ask.



in this economy? it kind of is.
especially if you live in CA.


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## moniquessbbw (Mar 1, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> in this economy? it kind of is.
> especially if you live in CA.



Then maybe this is why I am single, because of the economy......lol


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## indy500tchr (Mar 1, 2010)

moniquessbbw said:


> Then maybe this is why I am single, because of the economy......lol



I will go with that reason too...since I too have the same expectations in men I'd like to date. Oh and I live in a state that doesn't like fatties!


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## superodalisque (Mar 1, 2010)

eh, i don't require that much except that the guy be basically nice to me in the first place. i don't expect him to get the seat size right or the distance right. i just tell him the seat is too small or this is too far. it doesn't devastate me when this happens. i don't get embarrassed very easily by my size. i tend to be pretty flexible about most things unless i absolutely can't do something. like right now i won't ride in an SUV because of recovering from a back op that makes taking steps , especially one big one very hard. i was so glad when gas crisis went up and guys stop showing up in huge 2 story tall energy hogs.


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## stan_der_man (Mar 1, 2010)

Superodalisque... That reminds me of another time I "missed the mark" so to speak... actually two times.

In high school I had a Fiat 850, which is basically one of the smaller models that Fiat made. That was when I first realized that fat girls and small cars just don't go together. Later on, after being married to Mtnmaiden and living in the mountains, I purchased a Suzuki Samurai. It wasn't until a few 4x4 excursions (and Mtnmaiden telling me so...) that I realized Mtnmaiden didn't fit comfortably. After getting a modification kit to remove the doors, she then told me that she didn't like hanging out if it either so I sold it and got a 4x4 that had more room in it.


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## steve-aka (Mar 2, 2010)

kayrae said:


> a job is kinda hard to have right now
> poor laid off FAs



Hey *I* have a job AND a car AND I own my own house! 

Plus I'm married to an awesome BBW!

However the drawbacks to all this are...uhm...I'll get back to ya if I can think of some...


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## steve-aka (Mar 2, 2010)

stan_der_man said:


> One of the other things I've noticed about the techniques my wife and I have for finding a parking space that differs... I will tend to park in the open parking spaces towards the back of the parking lot, which require more walking. My wife will drive around and around, looking for a parking space up towards the front. The problem with that for me is that I tend to get car sick.



Hmmm, this sounds familiar...well, except for the car sickness part.


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## Lina (Mar 2, 2010)

stan_der_man said:


> After getting a modification kit to remove the doors, she then told me that she didn't like hanging out if it either so I sold it and got a 4x4 that had more room in it.




You had her hanging out of the car!!?? Stan!! lol


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## elle camino (Mar 2, 2010)

Yeah I don't know if being an FA even enters into it, although it does make it a bit more absurd at the end of the day. I'm pretty active for my size and even so, none of my friends would ever dream of surprising me with 5 miles of walking on an outing. They're not vigilant FAs, they're just thoughtful, good friends who don't enjoy seeing me uncomfortable and want me to have a good time.


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## sweet&fat (Mar 2, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> i inadvertantly made a friend who inhabits this board walk too far in the wrong direction to a movie theater with too small seats. i probably haven't been forgiven, though she's very nice.



Hahahahahaha! I love telling that story. You forgot the wet snow and the fact that the theater was up at least three flights of stairs. Oh yeah, that and the fact that we were in Brooklyn for some reason????


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## Lina (Mar 2, 2010)

moniquessbbw said:


> By the way my rules for dating any man is you must have a car, job, and a place to live then we can talk. I don't think that's too much to ask.



You are so right about the car thing. I am a public transit person and the worst moment ever is when a bus is leaving or arriving when you are a block away and you have to either run for the bus or wait the extra 30 mins for the next one. When I'm alone I will wait happily, but sometimes company doesn't feel the same.


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## Littleghost (Mar 2, 2010)

Not entirely missing the mark, but I'd just like to add to actually ask her what her preferences are before assuming what she wants or needs on a date. When I was a bit out of highschool, I took a ssbbw to a late night place I knew pretty well and when the hostess asked if we wanted a table or a booth, I was halfway across the room to a table when I realized she was already sitting in a booth and had just scooted the table farther back. I made a quick detour and mumbled something about the smoking section changing.


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## msbard90 (Mar 2, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> eh, i don't require that much except that the guy be basically nice to me in the first place. i don't expect him to get the seat size right or the distance right. i just tell him the seat is too small or this is too far. it doesn't devastate me when this happens. i don't get embarrassed very easily by my size. i tend to be pretty flexible about most things unless i absolutely can't do something. like right now i won't ride in an SUV because of recovering from a back op that makes taking steps , especially one big one very hard. i was so glad when gas crisis went up and guys stop showing up in huge 2 story tall energy hogs.



I absolutely love this . I pretty much love what you have to say, all the time. I wish there was infinite rep!


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## stan_der_man (Mar 3, 2010)

moniquessbbw said:


> ...By the way my rules for dating any man is you must have a car, job, and a place to live then we can talk. I don't think that's too much to ask.



When I met Mtnmaiden I had a car, job and a motorhome parked out in front of my parent's house. Is that close enough... 



Lina said:


> You had her hanging out of the car!!?? Stan!! lol



It was only her right thigh... and she had her seat belt on.


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## steve-aka (Mar 3, 2010)

stan_der_man said:


> When I met Mtnmaiden I had a car, job and a motorhome parked out in front of my parent's house. Is that close enough...



Well, that's 2.5 out of 3.


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## bmann0413 (Mar 3, 2010)

Heh, these stories are cheering me up a bit, keep 'em coming! lol


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## truebebeblue (Mar 3, 2010)

stan_der_man said:


> As a guy who has taken big girls out on dates
> 
> One of the other things I've noticed about the techniques my wife and I have for finding a parking space that differs... I will tend to park in the open parking spaces towards the back of the parking lot, which require more walking. My wife will drive around and around, looking for a parking space up towards the front. The problem with that for me is that I tend to get car sick.





This is when you drop her off at the door and go park far away and run out and get the car and pick her up at the door when leaving.

Makes you feel like a princess!


True


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## Tau (Mar 3, 2010)

Lina said:


> You are so right about the car thing. I am a public transit person and the worst moment ever is when a bus is leaving or arriving when you are a block away and you have to either run for the bus or wait the extra 30 mins for the next one. When I'm alone I will wait happily, but sometimes company doesn't feel the same.



Ugh. I still have nightmares about running for the bus. Everything jiggled and hurt - and for some reason my bras never stood up to the test of my bosom so I had boobs flying everywhere and hurting like a b*tch. I hate public transport. I'm a very happy fat girl now that I have nothing to do with it 

As for date disasters - tiny cinema seats and ridiculously high bar stools. The seats were doable but so sore - felt like I'd bruised my thigh and I actually fell off the teeny tiny, super high bar stool. It was hilarious but I'd really rather not do it again


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## stan_der_man (Mar 3, 2010)

steve-aka said:


> Well, that's 2.5 out of 3.



And... having a motorhome... within a 15 minute drive, Mtnmaiden and I had a nice valley view on Azusa Cyn Road in the Angeles National Forest... 



truebebeblue said:


> This is when you drop her off at the door and go park far away and run out and get the car and pick her up at the door when leaving.
> 
> Makes you feel like a princess!
> 
> ...



One time, when I was having my car worked on, I drove up to the house of a girl I was dating for the first time in the motorhome... That didn't go over very well. :doh:


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## OhLaLaSoSexy (Mar 3, 2010)

Im not trying to be mean but thats just guys hahahaha;] They dont really think things through.


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## disconnectedsmile (Mar 3, 2010)

OhLaLaSoSexy said:


> Im not trying to be mean but thats just guys hahahaha;] They dont really think things through.


umm... excuse me!?

with all the BBW and SSBBW partners i've been with, i've always tried to be as accommodating as possible.
i've strived to maintain a comfortable pace while walking (i'm a naturally fast walker).
i've always made sure to request a table at restaurants, as opposed to a booth.
i've always studied up on movie theaters to make sure they have comfortable seating.
hell, i even bought a bigger mattress.
these are just _some_ examples.

you say that you aren't trying to be mean, but by generalizing and pigeon-holing guys into one definition, you are doing just that.

i don't appreciate your sexism, OhLaLaSoSexy.


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## marlowegarp (Mar 3, 2010)

It's true, we don't think things through. EVER. The thing is the cleverest of us can improvise like motherfuckers. So at any given time, we are just makin' it up as we go along. Nobody's drivin' that bus. Daddy's just got a real good feelin'.


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## marlowegarp (Mar 3, 2010)

marlowegarp said:


> It's true, we don't think things through. EVER. The thing is the cleverest of us can improvise like motherfuckers. So at any given time, we are just makin' it up as we go along. Nobody's drivin' that bus. Daddy's just got a real good feelin'.



I exaggerate, but it is largely an accurate gender assessment.


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## Tooz (Mar 3, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> in this economy? it kind of is.
> especially if you live in CA.



No, actually it's not.


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## Saoirse (Mar 3, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> umm... excuse me!?
> 
> 
> i don't appreciate your sexism, OhLaLaSoSexy.



puhlease get over yourself.


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## Blackjack (Mar 3, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> i don't appreciate your sexism, OhLaLaSoSexy.



This. I do my best to try and plan ahead and adapt to whatever situation might come up, but I do make mistakes. I don't think that I- or my gender- should be defined by these errors or reduced to a stereotype because of them.


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## marlowegarp (Mar 3, 2010)

Saoirse said:


> puhlease get over yourself.



This. Just live your life. Bitching about other people's prejudices or perceived prejudices is a full-time job with a crappy retirement package. Nut up. And that goes for everyone. Just go about your business.


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## OhLaLaSoSexy (Mar 3, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> umm... excuse me!?
> 
> with all the BBW and SSBBW partners i've been with, i've always tried to be as accommodating as possible.
> i've strived to maintain a comfortable pace while walking (i'm a naturally fast walker).
> ...



Im sorry your upset by my comment and it ruined a part of your day. 
I was joking and did not mean to hurt anyones feelings.


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## Saoirse (Mar 3, 2010)

OhLaLaSoSexy said:


> Im sorry your upset by my comment and it ruined a part of your day.
> I was joking and did not mean to hurt anyones feelings.



Some people let everything ruin their day. Those are the people you just need to brush aside.


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## steve-aka (Mar 3, 2010)

Ahem...okay, to get this thread back on track I'm gonna go into FA confession mode here and tell y'all a bit about my own FAil. 

I am a fast walker. I always have been and the fact that I'm fairly tall - 6'4" - only exacerbates this trait. It's almost like I'm just naturally geared for hyper-speed pedestrian activity.

My wife, however, is NOT a fast walker. She's constantly getting after me to slow down. I try my best to comply but find it's a constant effort to not speed up again. And if I become distracted - like by a nice shiny object nearby - or am not careful to concentrate on modulating my pace I soon find myself to have sped up again. 

Other than that I think I do pretty good as an FA. At least I'd like to think so. I'm aware of securing proper seating for my wife when we go out and have gladly left places for not being able to cater to her size. Our vehicles are of adequate size and I attempt to keep walking to a minimum and on relatively even surfaces for her comfort. So, if I tend to walk a little fast then I guess that means I'll just get to the place we're going a little before her so I can suss out the surroundings to see if they're fat friendly. 

Whew! Way to turn that to my favor...


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## msbard90 (Mar 4, 2010)

steve-aka said:


> Other than that I think I do pretty good as an FA. At least I'd like to think so. I'm aware of securing proper seating for my wife when we go out and have gladly left places for not being able to cater to her size. Our vehicles are of adequate size and I attempt to keep walking to a minimum and on relatively even surfaces for her comfort. So, if I tend to walk a little fast then I guess that means I'll just get to the place we're going a little before her so I can suss out the surroundings to see if they're fat friendly.
> 
> Whew! Way to turn that to my favor...



There is WAYYY too much pressure on FA's on how to treat their BBW. As long as there are no hurtful intentions, like bringing her bungee jumping at a place where theres a weight limit, then it should be all good. I think there is too much emphasis on all the different types of accomodations necessary for your larger lady lover that it takes away from what matters in the relationship.


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## elle camino (Mar 4, 2010)

msbard90 said:


> There is WAYYY too much pressure on FA's on how to treat their BBW. As long as there are no hurtful intentions, like bringing her bungee jumping at a place where theres a weight limit, then it should be all good. I think there is too much emphasis on all the different types of accomodations necessary for your larger lady lover that it takes away from what matters in the relationship.



ehhh.
One of the things that really does matter, to me and I'd bet to a lot of people, is thoughtfulness. Choosing an outing that suits your company, so as to try and make sure nothing screws with their good time. I take care to do this (Sally is a recovering alcoholic, so me and Sally aren't going to the bar in Friday night. Chuck has vertigo, so I'll make plans with Chuck somewhere other than the gravitron at the amusement park. etc.), and so do most people I know. It's really not difficult at all to just take a second and think about it. 
So with that in mind, if some dude I was on a date with assumed I'd be ok with walking 5 miles on a date, all huffin and puffin and showing up with my bangs sweated out and my feet killing me - I'd be pretty underwhelmed by his effort level. To put it lightly. It's not gonna make me cry, or ruin my whole life or night or whatever, but I'd be very unimpressed. 
If expecting a minimum of forethought makes me high maintenance (my words, not yours of course), so be it.


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## moniquessbbw (Mar 4, 2010)

stan_der_man said:


> When I met Mtnmaiden I had a car, job and a motorhome parked out in front of my parent's house. Is that close enough...



Ok Stan since it all worked out for the best and you built a good life with her


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## bigsexy920 (Mar 4, 2010)

I think the best thing for a FFA or an FA to do is ask. From what I can tell we all have different degrees of what we are able to do and what we are not. I've been in situations that Ive put myself in where I have to walk to far and seats are to small cause i didnt check, cause I didnt think it would be a problem. 

And to the OP - WOW you must be in pretty good shape to do all that walking and rollerskate. good for you .


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## Allie Cat (Mar 4, 2010)

krismiss said:


> My worst FA story? Actually went out with a feeder who didn't know where to separate reality and what goes on in the bedroom, and expected me to LIKE half my ass hanging out of the booth, and eat a whole pizza... and he talked about my fat while an elderly couple in the booth over stared
> We need a handbook



Did you kill him?

My FA Fail... Well, when I was younger and dating my first actual BBW, I was so excited and impressed by the size and softness of her belly that I would often come up behind her, wrap my arms around her, and squish and jiggle it without regard for who might be watching. Finally she and my best friend had to stage an intervention.


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## disconnectedsmile (Mar 4, 2010)

Saoirse said:


> puhlease get over yourself.


You know what? NO.

Because when a man makes an exaggerated generalization about women, its not long before someone steps up and cries "Sexism! Chauvinism! Misogyny!"

But when a woman makes an exaggerated generalization about men, its considered cheeky and amusing.

Why is this acceptable?


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## Tooz (Mar 4, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> You know what? NO.
> 
> Because when a man makes an exaggerated generalization about women, its not long before someone steps up and cries "Sexism! Chauvinism! Misogyny!"
> 
> ...



You know I'd say you have a good point, but given some of the stuff you've said lately on the boards, I feel compelled to not really give you props.

Yeah, there is a double standard. Get over it, they're everywhere.

Also, saying "no" to someone who said you need to get over yourself? COMEDY GOLD


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## Carrie (Mar 4, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> You know what? NO.
> 
> Because when a man makes an exaggerated generalization about women, its not long before someone steps up and cries "Sexism! Chauvinism! Misogyny!"
> 
> ...


Did you see where OhLaLa explained and apologized, and quite nicely, a few posts back?


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## marlowegarp (Mar 4, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> You know what? NO.
> 
> Because when a man makes an exaggerated generalization about women, its not long before someone steps up and cries "Sexism! Chauvinism! Misogyny!"
> 
> ...



It is more acceptable but it's not completely acceptable. Women who do that all the time are annoying and sooner or later it catches up with them in the form of both men and women realizing that they are annoying.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 4, 2010)

Tau said:


> As for date disasters - tiny cinema seats and ridiculously high bar stools. The seats were doable but so sore - felt like I'd bruised my thigh and I actually fell off the teeny tiny, super high bar stool. It was hilarious but I'd really rather not do it again



I agree about chairs too high in general. I feel like a cow climbing a ladder to get up on one....and worry about falling off the whole time. 



marlowegarp said:


> It is more acceptable but it's not completely acceptable. Women who do that all the time are annoying and sooner or later it catches up with them in the form of both men and women realizing that they are annoying.



Good point


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## furious styles (Mar 4, 2010)

i've never done any of this

probably because i am the rebirth of cool  : cool:


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## mossystate (Mar 4, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> You know what? NO.
> 
> Because when a man makes an exaggerated generalization about women, its not long before someone steps up and cries "Sexism! Chauvinism! Misogyny!"
> 
> ...



So, you are pissed that there are people who speak up? Start speaking up and encourage others to do the same. Just make sure you really care about the stuff that is not cool from either side...otherwise it will make it seem you don't. The More You Know.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 4, 2010)

elle camino said:


> Yeah I don't know if being an FA even enters into it, although it does make it a bit more absurd at the end of the day. I'm pretty active for my size and even so, none of my friends would ever dream of surprising me with 5 miles of walking on an outing. They're not vigilant FAs, they're just thoughtful, good friends who don't enjoy seeing me uncomfortable and want me to have a good time.



Yeah exactly. Actually, I'm pretty sure even my thinnest, most in shape friend would throw an absolute fit if we had to walk five miles to do something.. especially if we were all dolled up to go out. Nothing like putting on makeup and doing your hair to hike through the woods. This isn't even about being an FA, this is about common sense.

Also, I don't know, I'm sort of with msbard on this one. I mean if a guy blatantly refused to do the things I asked, that'd be an issue but I mean, we're all human.. we all make mistakes. I dated my last boyfriend for 6 months and occasionally it'd slip his mind to ask for a table.. oh fucking well. I have a mouth and I don't have any problem advocating for myself. I mean, come on girls, if a guy says WANNA TAKE A 16 MILE HIKE.. say no. Don't wear flats, suck it up & then bitch about it later.. advocate for yourselves! Speak up and tell them that shit isn't gonna fly.


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## DitzyBrunette (Mar 4, 2010)

disconnectedsmile said:


> i don't appreciate your sexism, OhLaLaSoSexy.



Calm down. First, she did apologize, but second, she looks really young and guess what? No matter what you think and how much shouting you're doing, most young guys ARE clueless. I could be wrong but OhLaLaSoSexy looks to be around 20ish and the guys in that age group aren't the brightest in the bunch. They're still learning. She can only speak from her experience and_ if _she is the age I guessed then she's probably used to clueless guys. Ask her again when she's my age and she will have met many more clueless men, but also realize not ALL men are that bad.


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## OhLaLaSoSexy (Mar 4, 2010)

DitzyBrunette said:


> Calm down. First, she did apologize, but second, she looks really young and guess what? No matter what you think and how much shouting you're doing, most young guys ARE clueless. I could be wrong but OhLaLaSoSexy looks to be around 20ish and the guys in that age group aren't the brightest in the bunch. They're still learning. She can only speak from her experience and_ if _she is the age I guessed then she's probably used to clueless guys. Ask her again when she's my age and she will have met many more clueless men, but also realize not ALL men are that bad.



i really dont think all men are bad i swear hahaha;] and yes your right im 21.


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## steve-aka (Mar 4, 2010)

msbard90 said:


> There is WAYYY too much pressure on FA's on how to treat their BBW. As long as there are no hurtful intentions, like bringing her bungee jumping at a place where theres a weight limit, then it should be all good. I think there is too much emphasis on all the different types of accomodations necessary for your larger lady lover that it takes away from what matters in the relationship.



I'm not really sure how much pressure there is on FAs but I do agree that it's the relationship that matters first and foremost. That's why I try to help make my larger lady as comfortable as I can when we go out 'cause if she's uncomfortable then I'm uncomfortable.


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## Scx (Mar 5, 2010)

I have two cars (although one doesn't run so well) and a truck, and I've had fairly good results with both of them. The F350 is nice for hauling big and heavy things (!) but is high up, which makes her difficult to climb into (and she rides like a springless buckboard when empty).

The old 420SEL is rather more comfortable.

So I have a car, and a house, although - A job? Arguable. My Dad tells people I'm unemployed. I tell people I'm a consultant. I've been at it for over ten years now, and pay the mortgage regularly, so I can't be all at sea. I even have health insurance...

_Scx_

PS - I suppose I should attach pictures. My camera died awhile back, but the cars (and the land they're parked upon) remain the same, although the Benz was just washed then, and isn't just washed now... _S._


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## msbard90 (Mar 8, 2010)

steve-aka said:


> I'm not really sure how much pressure there is on FAs but I do agree that it's the relationship that matters first and foremost. That's why I try to help make my larger lady as comfortable as I can when we go out 'cause if she's uncomfortable then I'm uncomfortable.



definitely


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## MizzSnakeBite (Mar 8, 2010)

Blackjack said:


> This. I do my best to try and plan ahead and adapt to whatever situation might come up, but I do make mistakes. I don't think that I- or my gender- should be defined by these errors or reduced to a stereotype because of them.



Here's my stand on the issue......... *Everyone* is different, every BBW, every SS woman, every "thin" woman, every size and shape of man.......everyone. What's acceptable for some isn't acceptable for others. I'm SS and I like the outdoors, walking around, going to museums, botanical gardens, etc; not all SS can do that or are willing to. The only thing I'd like to know is what kind of shoes and outfit would be appropriate . If I'm going to spend a lot of time outside moving around, then I need to know so I can wear running shoes (like I run rofl) and jeans or shorts. I'm pretty easy to please.

As long as the guy tries and tries to notice if I need a break (I will speak up though), all is good! 

P.S. And I can haul my ass up into a truck! One thing that would be GREAT is for all FAs to have seat belt extenders on the passenger side .

OK, that's my 25 cents worth!


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## stan_der_man (Mar 9, 2010)

OhLaLaSoSexy said:


> i really dont think all men are bad i swear hahaha;] and yes your right im 21.



Don't worry OhLaLa... Speaking as a hypersensitive guy myself, I wasn't offended by your joke... I saw the humor in it. 




Scx said:


> I have two cars (although one doesn't run so well) and a truck, and I've had fairly good results with both of them. The F350 is nice for hauling big and heavy things (!) but is high up, which makes her difficult to climb into (and she rides like a springless buckboard when empty).
> 
> The old 420SEL is rather more comfortable.
> 
> ...



I had a '69 Mercedes 220D... It was comfortable and roomy, but since it wasn't a turbo diesel, it was so slow that the women weren't much impressed. Now I have a Ford truck as you do... the trick to driving a tall truck and transporting the large sized ladies, is to have a stepping stool at the ready. Not to give away all my secrets... but watching them climb up into the truck can be kinda cool.


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## stan_der_man (Mar 9, 2010)

furious styles said:


> i've never done any of this
> 
> probably because i am the rebirth of cool  : cool:



But, I was told that chicks dig foibles...


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## KHayes666 (Mar 9, 2010)

I too have made some bondeheaded blunders in my time, some even set me back a few years.

March 2005, a wild eyed horny 18 year old me was being teased and pleased with the thought of going out with a female "feedee". When I finally went out with her she brought a friend along and it made me very uncomfortable when they both made me sound like a fool for even talking. Later on she then told me about how her belly was jiggling as she walked as we exited a store and I was like "Oh that's awesome" and started rubbing it. It was 3 in the morning and no one was around and yet she sternly told me "Did I say you could do that" 2 weeks earlier we practically cybersexed each other and she is telling me off? In my mind I was like "What the fuck?" Looking back, it was wrong of me to blindly reach out and grope her when I wasn't invited....but I still am uneasy 5 years later about how she pretty much led me on. Because of this incident and her calling me every name in the book a few days later, I actually gave up on plus sized women for 2 1/2 years and remained very bitter until I met my guardian angel. 

Even during the time period I had to learn for myself what to say, what not to say, what to do and what not to do in situations. Sometimes I'd get totally led on. One time 2 years ago a girl let me kiss her and encouraged me to touch her yet told me after on the net she felt very uncomfortable. Had she told me not to touch her or didn't lead me on, I wouldn't have done anything.

Even after I matured, I still made mistakes like a year and a half ago. I took a very beautiful, wise and sassy ssbbw out to eat and then immediately took her for a walk after :doh:

Shit happens, mistakes are bad in the short term but great for the long term. Eventually you learn from your mistakes and make a relationship nearly flawless because of your past experiences. All the bullshit you went through made you a better person and when you're laying next to someone after a flawless date or in the middle of a relationship, that's when you look back and laugh at your knuckleheaded moves.


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## stan_der_man (Mar 9, 2010)

I hear you Mr. Hayes, we've all been there. I've had my awkward dates too. It's all about living and learning I suppose.


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## verucassault (Mar 9, 2010)

On the car thing.
really a word of advice, if you like fat chicks dont pick them up in a bat mobile.
now i used to drive a mini, and for some reason that was totally fine, there was a ton of room in that thing, just not in the back seats.

a man i used to know..i still know him, i just hate his face, loved big girls and drove a damn smart car roadster. do you know what those look like? i mean firstly they are low to the ground, and like the seats really dont have much ass capacity.

so i am not a tall girl but i am mostly legs, and i wear high heels, maybe like 4 inches on average, and it was fucking impossible to get in and out of that car. i didnt get in his car often enough to get the hang of it, but it required putting one leg in, dropping into the seat, then swinging your entire body over and then somehow bending your other leg to get in the car.

to get out. fuck me, each time it was different. i think the fucker actually enjoyed watching me manuaver in and out this thing. and while i was in, i was like so uncomfortable, but would be okay i suppose. whenever we got close to a destination my mind would start smoking on figuring out the most complex physic question.

gah!


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## verucassault (Mar 9, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> I took a very beautiful, wise and sassy ssbbw out to eat and then immediately took her for a walk after :doh:



yeah this type of thing is not specific to FA, just dudes in general.
i mean i have no issue taking long walks after dinner BUT men need to check the shoes!! dont have me walking all over God's green if I am wearing 4 inchers or boots. lots of my average weight friend's complain of this too. just cause you came to the date in your comfortable shoes, doesn't mean i did. now i often take public transport to dates anyway, so my shoes are good for walking to the station or bus, then to the meeting point, then walking back to the station or bus and then to my house. none of this mid evening sport hike madness 

other times when its not about the shoes and really about my level of fitness, i have no problem saying "sorry sugar, but have you not noticed that i am fat?, this is not cute"


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## Scx (Mar 9, 2010)

Benzes aren't built for speed, and just try getting a luscious lassie into a Lamborghini...

I'll be barreling up north myself this upcoming weekend, and kicking around the East Bay. There's a soprano friend of mine who lives up there, so I show up for all her concerts... 

_Scx_


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## Lina (Mar 9, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> Later on she then told me about how her belly was jiggling as she walked as we exited a store and I was like "Oh that's awesome" and started rubbing it. It was 3 in the morning and no one was around and yet she sternly told me "Did I say you could do that" 2 weeks earlier we practically cybersexed each other and she is telling me off? In my mind I was like "What the fuck?" Looking back, it was wrong of me to blindly reach out and grope her when I wasn't invited....but I still am uneasy 5 years later about how she pretty much led me on.




If I made a comment like "Wow, my boobs are awesome and bouncy", that IS asking for your attention but not an invitation to grope them. The same goes for bellies. 

Also - Claiming several girls 'lead you on' is something 'those' kinda guys say.


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## kayrae (Mar 9, 2010)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... c'mon, cool kids, the OP said this wasn't an FA-bashing session. It's just for funsies.


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## msbard90 (Mar 9, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> I too have made some bondeheaded blunders in my time, some even set me back a few years.
> 
> March 2005, a wild eyed horny 18 year old me was being teased and pleased with the thought of going out with a female "feedee". When I finally went out with her she brought a friend along and it made me very uncomfortable when they both made me sound like a fool for even talking. Later on she then told me about how her belly was jiggling as she walked as we exited a store and I was like "Oh that's awesome" and started rubbing it. It was 3 in the morning and no one was around and yet she sternly told me "Did I say you could do that" 2 weeks earlier we practically cybersexed each other and she is telling me off? In my mind I was like "What the fuck?" Looking back, it was wrong of me to blindly reach out and grope her when I wasn't invited....but I still am uneasy 5 years later about how she pretty much led me on. Because of this incident and her calling me every name in the book a few days later, I actually gave up on plus sized women for 2 1/2 years and remained very bitter until I met my guardian angel.
> 
> ...



Ehh, shrug it off. Live and learn, right? and ps... you can touch my belly anytime lol


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## Lina (Mar 9, 2010)

kayrae said:


> HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... c'mon, cool kids, the OP said this wasn't an FA-bashing session. It's just for funsies.



who's hating?


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## DitzyBrunette (Mar 9, 2010)

verucassault said:


> a man i used to know..i still know him, i just hate his face



LOL!! I can't even read the rest of your post because I'm cracking up laughing lol.


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## DitzyBrunette (Mar 9, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> One time 2 years ago a girl let me kiss her and encouraged me to touch her yet told me after on the net she felt very uncomfortable. Had she told me not to touch her or didn't lead me on, I wouldn't have done anything.



That isn't your wrongdoing, that's the girl being a flake. If she's cool with being kissed and touched in the moment and then regrets it later that's her problem. She could have said no, stop, I'm not comfortable. I hope you didn't waste any more time on this chick. If I was a guy I'd be scared to date a girl like that because you just know she's gonna yell rape somewhere down the line if she can't discern whether or not she wants someone touching her.


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## Jes (Mar 9, 2010)

i like to be hauled around in a cattle car.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 9, 2010)

Lina said:


> If I made a comment like "Wow, my boobs are awesome and bouncy", that IS asking for your attention but not an invitation to grope them. The same goes for bellies.
> 
> Also - Claiming several girls 'lead you on' is something 'those' kinda guys say.



Let's see....the woman cybersexed me for months leading to this night and then suddenly she tells me I can't touch her when we're face to face? 

Then another girl lets me touch and kiss her, smiling the whole time then later on says she felt uncomfortable yet never told me to stop.

If by "those" kind of guys you mean guys who got fucked over by insecure girls, then you're right.



DitzyBrunette said:


> That isn't your wrongdoing, that's the girl being a flake. If she's cool with being kissed and touched in the moment and then regrets it later that's her problem. She could have said no, stop, I'm not comfortable. I hope you didn't waste any more time on this chick. If I was a guy I'd be scared to date a girl like that because you just know she's gonna yell rape somewhere down the line if she can't discern whether or not she wants someone touching her.



Nope, I didn't waste anymore time on her. We've kept in very minor contact since but I haven't seen her face to face since. This situation was minor compared to a year before that when basically the same thing happened with someone else, girl let me kiss and touch her without complaint then later on made me look like I forced myself on her.

But like I said, all the bullshit you go through in life makes the best relationship you're in that much sweeter


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## exile in thighville (Mar 9, 2010)

sweet&fat said:


> Hahahahahaha! I love telling that story. You forgot the wet snow and the fact that the theater was up at least three flights of stairs. Oh yeah, that and the fact that we were in Brooklyn for some reason????



you manhattanites with your prerequisites


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## Saoirse (Mar 13, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> Let's see....the woman cybersexed me for months leading to this night and then suddenly she tells me I can't touch her when we're face to face?



theres a huge difference between cybersex and sexin's in real life.


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## Nutty (Mar 13, 2010)

Well on behalf of all FAs, we would like to apologize and make sure we have everything to a bbw or ssbbw's satisfaction.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 14, 2010)

Saoirse said:


> theres a huge difference between cybersex and sexin's in real life.



So you'd call a girl on the phone or send her an IM and tell her you want to fuck the living daylights out of her; then if you two were to meet and she wrapped her arms around you or slid her hand between your thighs....that you'd push her away?


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## Lamia (Mar 14, 2010)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> P.S. And I can haul my ass up into a truck! One thing that would be GREAT is for all FAs to have seat belt extenders on the passenger side .




That is the most important suggestion I've read so far. Good point!!


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## Lamia (Mar 14, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> Then another girl lets me touch and kiss her, smiling the whole time then later on says she felt uncomfortable yet never told me to stop.




In that instance you did nothing wrong. I've actually done that. 

Here is a story about a naive, dumb girl and how desperation can make us have crappy judgement.

I didn't date until I was 27. I met a guy online and we talked for two months. We didn't cyber or anything like that. He knew I was a virgin and had never been kissed. I didn't want to meet him because I was fat (pre-fat acceptance stage). He told me he loved me and didn't care. So I drove to Kentucky from Illinois to spend the week with him. 

The first thing he did when we met was grab, me kiss and stick his tongue in my mouth. I smiled stupidly because I didn't know what else to do. I pretty much was on auto-pilot from then on because I was mad, scared, nervous, confused. We messed around a little. I wouldn't take off my clothes. 

End game I went home and after I got home he told me it was over because I didn't act the same as I did online. 

I don't blame him. I should have:
A) never driven to Kentucky to meet a stranger even though he was the first guy to ever show any interest in me EVER (who wasn't 80 years old)
B) I should have said when he grabbed me (whoa I'm not ready for that etc)

I'm sorry you've had some bad experiences, but consider these things as experiences which improved your social skills.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 14, 2010)

Lamia said:


> In that instance you did nothing wrong. I've actually done that.
> 
> Here is a story about a naive, dumb girl and how desperation can make us have crappy judgement.
> 
> ...



That's the thing though, you were naive and inexperienced and that guy should have had more patience. You said you didn't cyber with him so why did he expect to simply stick his tongue down your throat and you automatically enjoy it?

In my case, the woman was a great deal older than me and had a lot more experience than I did. In your case you didn't do anything wrong either, he just moved way too fast.

You're not wrong for driving to see him, have to meet people somehow. However I agree that you should have said something when he kissed you. A simple "I'm not ready for that yet" would have made him take a step back.


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## Lamia (Mar 14, 2010)

Well, I learned some important things from the experience. I did learn later that he didn't believe me that it was my first kiss etc. He thought I was playing games. I had no clue what he was talking about. I was "hiding" something. 

After that I had a few more horrible online dating experiences which also taught me valuable lessons. The most important one being to learn to accept myself and that led me to find my current mate who I met online and drove to meet and we have been together almost 11 years. 

I still say women should never drive to meet a guy, make them come to you.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 14, 2010)

Lamia said:


> I still say women should never drive to meet a guy, make them come to you.



I drove from Boston to Long Island to meet a girl.

I've flown to London for a girl (I already met her but still)

I've driven 90 miles in a raging snowstorm, the last 20 after I crashed my car to meet a girl

I drove 15 miles that ended up taking 2 hours in rush hour traffic to meet a girl.

I also drove 48 miles to go on a first date with a girl when I had been up for over 24 hours and was falling asleep at the wheel 10 miles in....and still had to drive the 48 miles back later that night.

and my personal favorite:

My ex and her cousins were driving into Boston for something and had asked to see me. Rather than drive all of 10 extra minutes to my house to do it, they wanted me to come meet them at a diner in Cambridge. I ended up missing the first period of one of the greatest games in Boston Bruin playoff history because of the drive.


The point of all this is that some of us do all the driving and we deserve a break once in a while. I guess it comes down to timing, but for me if I want to meet someone for the first time from now on I'd rather they come see me lol.


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## Fat Brian (Mar 14, 2010)

Kevin, if you have gotten complaints you are moving too fast as many times as it seems like you have, maybe its you. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your game but maybe you need to let the other person warm up to you a little. I dated the girl who became my wife six months before I kissed her because I could tell she wasn't ready. We would talk dirty on the phone but face to face she wasn't there yet.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 14, 2010)

Fat Brian said:


> Kevin, if you have gotten complaints you are moving too fast as many times as it seems like you have, maybe its you. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your game but maybe you need to let the other person warm up to you a little. I dated the girl who became my wife six months before I kissed her because I could tell she wasn't ready. We would talk dirty on the phone but face to face she wasn't there yet.



I was posting experiences from years ago, and you're absolutely right. I did move way too fast in some cases and in the long run I learned from my mistakes. Now I've slowed down and found someone to settle down with.

Congrats on you and your wife


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## Saoirse (Mar 14, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> So you'd call a girl on the phone or send her an IM and tell her you want to fuck the living daylights out of her; then if you two were to meet and she wrapped her arms around you or slid her hand between your thighs....that you'd push her away?



wait... am I YOU in this situation? Im confused.

You can cyber all night long with someone, and that person might even tease you a bit when you're together in person. But that still doesn't mean that person is ready for full on sexin's. Thats the point when you have a frank discussion about what the both of you are expecting.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 14, 2010)

Saoirse said:


> wait... am I YOU in this situation? Im confused.
> 
> You can cyber all night long with someone, and that person might even tease you a bit when you're together in person. But that still doesn't mean that person is ready for full on sexin's. Thats the point when you have a frank discussion about what the both of you are expecting.



Good point. Wish I had knew that 6-8 years ago lol


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## Tooz (Mar 14, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> The point of all this is that some of us do all the driving and we deserve a break once in a while.



no one deserves anything in life dood


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 14, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> That's the thing though, you were naive and inexperienced and that guy should have had more patience. You said you didn't cyber with him so why did he expect to simply stick his tongue down your throat and you automatically enjoy it?
> 
> In my case, the woman was a great deal older than me and had a lot more experience than I did. In your case you didn't do anything wrong either, he just moved way too fast.
> 
> You're not wrong for driving to see him, have to meet people somehow. However I agree that you should have said something when he kissed you. A simple "I'm not ready for that yet" would have made him take a step back.





Fat Brian said:


> Kevin, if you have gotten complaints you are moving too fast as many times as it seems like you have, maybe its you. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your game but maybe you need to let the other person warm up to you a little. I dated the girl who became my wife six months before I kissed her because I could tell she wasn't ready. We would talk dirty on the phone but face to face she wasn't there yet.





Saoirse said:


> wait... am I YOU in this situation? Im confused.
> 
> You can cyber all night long with someone, and that person might even tease you a bit when you're together in person. But that still doesn't mean that person is ready for full on sexin's. Thats the point when you have a frank discussion about what the both of you are expecting.



Just want to jump in and say, from the perspective of an older woman that has done the cybering thing......"e-men" and "real men" are two ENTIRELY different things...even if I am meeting the e-man finally. 
The e-man and myself can act out fantasies through text. He can see me on my cam (or vice versa), if I choose to let him. We can talk and "meet" online at set times. 
However, none of that disspells any of the usual "apprehension" or shyness I have when first trying to be intimate with a new man in my life. I can date a guy in reality for quite a while but will still be shy in the first sexual encounter. How many men I have been with in the past or how many times I have "cybered" or just had conversations about it change that.....I need time to _mentally_ adjust to the physical relationship. 
Any other time I am certainly not a shy individual, try to never mislead any man I am seriously with and really do enjoy sex with a man I like/trust. 

Sounds like that woman Kevin met is like me.....she simply needs time to acclimate to the new situation. A man shouldn't take a woman's initial "shyness" or hesitation as a personal aversion to him.....it's just the way it goes for some of us. If she likes you, she will warm up to you in good time.


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## Allie Cat (Mar 14, 2010)

Tooz said:


> no one deserves anything in life dood



I dunno. I think everyone deserves a chance at happiness, at least. Whether we actually GET it... well, that's something else.


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## KHayes666 (Mar 15, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Just want to jump in and say, from the perspective of an older woman that has done the cybering thing......"e-men" and "real men" are two ENTIRELY different things...even if I am meeting the e-man finally.
> The e-man and myself can act out fantasies through text. He can see me on my cam (or vice versa), if I choose to let him. We can talk and "meet" online at set times.
> However, none of that disspells any of the usual "apprehension" or shyness I have when first trying to be intimate with a new man in my life. I can date a guy in reality for quite a while but will still be shy in the first sexual encounter. How many men I have been with in the past or how many times I have "cybered" or just had conversations about it change that.....I need time to _mentally_ adjust to the physical relationship.
> Any other time I am certainly not a shy individual, try to never mislead any man I am seriously with and really do enjoy sex with a man I like/trust.
> ...



You're absolutely right. 

Like I said, live and learn. Although I will say that in Lamia's case the man she met immediately tried to put the moves on her. In my experiences dating back to my teen years, at least I had the common courtesy to give a handshake or a hug and introduce myself. I usually didn't get physical unless I sensed it was ok, sometimes my senses were off but I'm not the type to get touchy feely super quick.

My current g/f is like you as well Caroline, this time I took it slow without complaint and she eventually warmed up. I don't think I kissed her until after our first couple dates and it was worth the wait.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 15, 2010)

Am I the only girl in the entire world that hates taking it slow? Like, I'm not saying I spread my legs for anyone but like, a kiss on the first day is a-ok with me. I'm impatient. haha.


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## LoveBHMS (Mar 15, 2010)

thatgirl08 said:


> Am I the only girl in the entire world that hates taking it slow? Like, I'm not saying I spread my legs for anyone but like, a kiss on the first day is a-ok with me. I'm impatient. haha.



Attention Rochester area FAs. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Read this post.^^^


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 15, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> Attention Rochester area FAs. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Read this post.^^^



Hahaha thanks girl.


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## joswitch (Mar 15, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Just want to jump in and say, from the perspective of an older woman that has done the cybering thing......"e-men" and "real men" are two ENTIRELY different things...even if I am meeting the e-man finally.
> The e-man and myself can act out fantasies through text. He can see me on my cam (or vice versa), if I choose to let him. We can talk and "meet" online at set times.
> However, none of that disspells any of the usual "apprehension" or shyness I have when first trying to be intimate with a new man in my life. I can date a guy in reality for quite a while but will still be shy in the first sexual encounter. How many men I have been with in the past or how many times I have "cybered" or just had conversations about it change that.....I need time to _mentally_ adjust to the physical relationship.
> Any other time I am certainly not a shy individual, try to never mislead any man I am seriously with and really do enjoy sex with a man I like/trust.



Yet another reason why I don't tend to cyber, unless it's with someone I've already been intimate with IRL.


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## joswitch (Mar 15, 2010)

thatgirl08 said:


> Am I the only girl in the entire world that hates taking it slow? Like, I'm not saying I spread my legs for anyone but like, a kiss on the first day is a-ok with me. I'm impatient. haha.



In my experience - there's lots of girls out there who aren't shy like that - all of my past LTR ex gfs for a start! Yays!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 15, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> My current g/f is like you as well Caroline, this time I took it slow without complaint and she eventually warmed up. I don't think I kissed her until after our first couple dates and it was worth the wait.



I'm sure she appreciated that and will remember your patience Kevin  



joswitch said:


> Yet another reason why I don't tend to cyber, unless it's with someone I've already been intimate with IRL.


 
Lol, don't get why you don't cyber from something in my post- my point was that I am a hell of a lot shyer with men in reality than a man on the net. Men on the net are somewhat "safer" when you think about it....

Then again, cybering is about the only thing most of us that live 80 billion miles away from each other can do


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## joswitch (Mar 15, 2010)

@GEF - that schism between the bold cyber-you and the initially shy-RL-you... That. Not judging, not saying that's bad (nor good). I understand it's a pretty common way to feel, and I think it (and other aspects of cyber) can lead to falsely raised expectations for both people, in both emotional and physical ways, that often founder when confronted with the RL chemistry (or not) between them. Ever heard someone say they're in a six month relationship, but they haven't actually met yet?!! Crazytalking! 
Or as Kevin's example illustrated, it can throw off interpretation of signals/pacing of getting-to-know-you...
So I like to keep cyber for after establishing a RL connection.. Generally.. There'r've been exceptions... 

Just my preference, not judging anyone else choosing different.. 

Actually, I think I became pretty disenchanted with cyber years back now... I crave the real!


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## Carrie (Mar 15, 2010)

Also, sometimes people are different in person than online. The person you may want to mack on online may have a totally different vibe in person. Or so I've heard.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 16, 2010)

joswitch said:


> @GEF - that schism between the bold cyber-you and the initially shy-RL-you... That. Not judging, not saying that's bad (nor good). I understand it's a pretty common way to feel, and I think it (and other aspects of cyber) can lead to falsely raised expectations for both people, in both emotional and physical ways, that often founder when confronted with the RL chemistry (or not) between them. Ever heard someone say they're in a six month relationship, but they haven't actually met yet?!! Crazytalking!
> Or as Kevin's example illustrated, it can throw off interpretation of signals/pacing of getting-to-know-you...
> So I like to keep cyber for after establishing a RL connection.. Generally.. There'r've been exceptions...
> 
> ...



Actually, that chism isn't all that broad.....not how I see it anyway. 

I don't just readily "have cyber relationships" mainly because as flirty I come across, I can be quite stand-offish to any guy that approaches me "wrong". It's the same in reality....he can't come on too strong or too fast and I insist upon "normal conversation" before any sexy talk happens. 

Funny, I have had an "e-man" tell me that my online shyness was kind of annoying.....
What you see on the open forums is joking/jest in my mind.....I'm betting people I have spoken to off the forums could tell you I'm not always cracking jokes about peens or sex. Can't imagine it would be a big leap for anyone that takes five minutes to try to get to know me, without all the jokes, to see the serious side that can be as shy as anyone else.

Won't name names or give examples but there are people that know I'm not quite how I am "out in the open". Just as it is with other people....I can be different when not attempting to "entertain" myself or others ...not just on the net but also in reality. 

It strikes me as a somewhat normal experience - people I talk to online that I get to know better off the forums can be somewhat different when I talk to them one on one. 

I'm thinking the biggest difference between you and I is how we see the cyber sex thing....
To me it's text and shared masturbation....like phone sex or watching porn. I don't view it as a "commitment" type of affair. I take conversations about actual commitment a hell of a lot more serious than any sexy time talk. I also consider choosing a sexual partner in reality much more important, satisfying, challenging and requiring more careful consideration. 
I also wouldn't expect any guy I meet to be exactly the same as he is in his/my e-fantasy....you really can't make any real determinations until you get face to face and feel the chemistry, IMO.


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## msbard90 (Mar 16, 2010)

thatgirl08 said:


> Am I the only girl in the entire world that hates taking it slow? Like, I'm not saying I spread my legs for anyone but like, a kiss on the first day is a-ok with me. I'm impatient. haha.




Same here. For me, I think the impatience also comes with the fact of insecurity, however. I like to move things quickly because I want to make sure that the person likes me, and I don't end up getting hurt. I would like a kiss on the first date, because to me thats like, AH HA, I've sealed the deal, well sorta.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 17, 2010)

That makes sense, although it doesn't apply to me.


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## bodaciousroxxie (Mar 21, 2010)

Some guy's just don't know how to date big girls, lol. 

I once dated this guy who would always take me to the same movie theatre, the seats were WAY too small for my behind, which was a little painful. So one day i decided to suggest a different theatre, and told him why. He got all pissy and claimed that he didn't want a girlfriend that had "special needs". hrmmm.


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## bodaciousroxxie (Mar 21, 2010)

And on that note, i ALSO hate it when FA's underestimate my ability to actually move lol. i've dated so many guys that just wanted to stay at home and not actually do anything fun because they thought i wouldn't be able to handle it. I may be a fatty, but i know how to use my legs.


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## joswitch (Mar 21, 2010)

bodaciousroxxie said:


> And on that note, i ALSO hate it when FA's underestimate my ability to actually move lol. i've dated so many guys that just wanted to stay at home and not actually do anything fun because they thought i wouldn't be able to handle it. I may be a fatty, but i know how to use my legs.



And the dancing. Don't forget the dancing!


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## KHayes666 (Mar 22, 2010)

bodaciousroxxie said:


> Some guy's just don't know how to date big girls, lol.
> 
> I once dated this guy who would always take me to the same movie theatre, the seats were WAY too small for my behind, which was a little painful. So one day i decided to suggest a different theatre, and told him why. He got all pissy and claimed that he didn't want a girlfriend that had "special needs". hrmmm.



Special needs? Sounds like this guy needs Special Ed.....how is simply making your date feel better simply by switching theaters considered "special needs"?

Maybe you're right, some guys just don't know how to do it.


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## Big_Belly_Lover (Mar 22, 2010)

Us guys are only human, people!!

You say that this thread isn't meant to be about man bashing but parts of it blatently are - props to disconnectedsmile btw...

A guy will learn whats right or wrong over time and if he dosn't then chuck him because he's obviously not worth it. Why go out with a jerk when there are some really nice guys out there?!

It seems through some of these posts - Roxie's especially - that some guys can't do right for doing wrong; her first post highlighted someone who was completely insensitive then her next one showed someone who was a little too sensitive - ou est le middle ground?!

Don't bottle up all these negative viewpoints and generalisations girls: TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT IT SO HE CAN UNDERSTAND WHATS WRONG AND THEN MAYBE HE MIGHT GET THE MESSAGE AND IMPROVE!! That is if you think he's really worth it in the first place...

Matt.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Mar 22, 2010)

Big_Belly_Lover said:


> Us guys are only human, people!!
> 
> You say that this thread isn't meant to be about man bashing but parts of it blatently are - props to disconnectedsmile btw...
> 
> ...



Had a bad date? 

We're not all bad and bash here.  People are human.


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 23, 2010)

Stopped reading at "props to disconnectedsmile.."


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## bodaciousroxxie (Mar 23, 2010)

Big_Belly_Lover said:


> Us guys are only human, people!!
> 
> You say that this thread isn't meant to be about man bashing but parts of it blatently are - props to disconnectedsmile btw...
> 
> ...



I'm not bashing anyone, brother. Just sharing stories.


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## disconnectedsmile (Mar 23, 2010)

thatgirl08 said:


> Stopped reading at "props to disconnectedsmile.."



 ...


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 23, 2010)

It's always easier to make it another person's problem than to admit that someone like yourself might make a mistake.


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## LovelyLiz (Mar 23, 2010)

bodaciousroxxie said:


> SNIPPED.. he didn't want a girlfriend that had "special needs". hrmmm.





KHayes666 said:


> Special needs? Sounds like this guy needs Special Ed.....how is simply making your date feel better simply by switching theaters considered "special needs"?
> 
> Maybe you're right, some guys just don't know how to do it.



I don't like when people say "special needs" like it's a bad and weird thing. Every single human being - fat/thin/man/woman - has a unique set of needs and desires based on their own past experiences, places of insecurity, and varying limitations (intellectually, physically, emotionally). Some are more obvious than others at the outset, but still, we only really get to know someone's needs and how to best support them in those as we get to know them better. I agree with everyone who understands that it takes time to get to know a person and what things will/won't fit with their unique circumstances. Some fat women want to do mostly active things, some want to do more low-key things, some want a combination.

There are no "this is how to treat a fat woman" specifics for every situation (other than with respect, listening, consideration, communication, and all the general things she should extend to you as well). But I think that in reality everyone has their own "special needs."


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 23, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> I don't like when people say "special needs" like it's a bad and weird thing. Every single human being - fat/thin/man/woman - has a unique set of needs and desires based on their own past experiences, places of insecurity, and varying limitations (intellectually, physically, emotionally). Some are more obvious than others at the outset, but still, we only really get to know someone's needs and how to best support them in those as we get to know them better. I agree with everyone who understands that it takes time to get to know a person and what things will/won't fit with their unique circumstances. Some fat women want to do mostly active things, some want to do more low-key things, some want a combination.
> 
> There are no "this is how to treat a fat woman" specifics for every situation (other than with respect, listening, consideration, communication, and all the general things she should extend to you as well). But I think that in reality everyone has their own "special needs."




I'm an overly simple kind of gal.....I would just tell him that I don't believe in satisfying special needs next time he asked for a blow job and let it end there


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## MizzSnakeBite (Mar 23, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> It's always easier to make it another person's problem than to admit that someone like yourself might make a mistake.





Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm an overly simple kind of gal.....I would just tell him that I don't believe in satisfying special needs next time he asked for a blow job and let it end there



THIS IS AN ORDER: Everybody bow down to Greenie!!!! 

:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:


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## DitzyBrunette (Mar 23, 2010)

bodaciousroxxie said:


> Some guy's just don't know how to date big girls, lol.
> 
> I once dated this guy who would always take me to the same movie theatre, the seats were WAY too small for my behind, which was a little painful. So one day i decided to suggest a different theatre, and told him why. He got all pissy and claimed that he didn't want a girlfriend that had "special needs". hrmmm.



Wow that guy is so classless, what a douche. I've noticed lately new movie theaters have stadium seating, big comfortable seats and my favorite part, the armrests go up (for those of us "blessed" on the bottom, extra seat space rocks). There's a cheap ghetto theater around here that has old school theater seats, no movable armrests and tiny seats and they are SO uncomfortable even for a normal sized person. I brought a date there once and he was only 5ft8 and average build and he said it was the most uncomfortable theater he'd ever been to. Special needs my ass, the guy who said that has special needs. His Mother didn't raise him right, a gentleman doesn't say that to a woman.


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## StaySafeTonight (Mar 23, 2010)

I am guilty of making a few mistakes with my last girlfriend. Though she wasn't too big (around 210 lbs.) she still had a hard time with steep hills, and lots of stairs. Me, being a slender 128 lbs, would walk her up hilly routes when walking somewhere, or take the stairs instead of elevators because they were absolutely no problem for me- in fact I preferred them. 

I never even thought of it until she said something or looked up at me after a particularly large hill or stairway, with rosy cheeks with a look in her eyes that just said "KILL."

I always strive to be as considerate as I can be, but I just get caught up in moments sometimes without thinking! I'm such a guy, huh? *nudge nudge poke prod*


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## LovelyLiz (Mar 23, 2010)

StaySafeTonight said:


> I am guilty of making a few mistakes with my last girlfriend. Though she wasn't too big (around 210 lbs.) she still had a hard time with steep hills, and lots of stairs. Me, being a slender 128 lbs, would walk her up hilly routes when walking somewhere, or take the stairs instead of elevators because they were absolutely no problem for me- in fact I preferred them.
> 
> I never even thought of it until she said something or looked up at me after a particularly large hill or stairway, with rosy cheeks with a look in her eyes that just said "KILL."
> 
> I always strive to be as considerate as I can be, but I just get caught up in moments sometimes without thinking! I'm such a guy, huh? *nudge nudge poke prod*



Consideration is a good thing, and yeah, we should all try to be - but women have mouths too and we should use them. I am totally pro-direct-communication and anti-mindreading in relationships. If your girlfriend didn't want to take the stairs, she should have said, "Let's take the elevator." 

Maybe some of the other women will disagree, but I don't think it's on you in this situation...


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## thatgirl08 (Mar 23, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Consideration is a good thing, and yeah, we should all try to be - but women have mouths too and we should use them. I am totally pro-direct-communication and anti-mindreading in relationships. If your girlfriend didn't want to take the stairs, she should have said, "Let's take the elevator."
> 
> Maybe some of the other women will disagree, but I don't think it's on you in this situation...



I don't think it's all her or all him but I totally agree that she should've said something. Sometimes you have to advocate for yourself.


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