# I have something I'd like to say.



## bigsexy920 (Feb 2, 2006)

I have something I would like to talk about or mention. 

Being single and a SSBBW, on occasion I get in discussions about my size with potential dates, almost always FA's. Latley I've noticed a pattern. 
They can't STOP talking about my weight and how exciting it is to them, and how exciting it is that I'm powerful just becuase of my size. Even tho my muscles are weak.(I'd like to show you how weak my muscles are:shocked: )

I'm glad that there are FA's out there but, do I have to hear about "YOUR" fantasies and what turns you on about my size constantly? Can't there be some happy medium? Trust me men it gets old fast. 

When I voice my thoughts on this to these men they then get the idea that I'm not comfortable with my size because I don't want to follow in the direction they would like me to go in the discussion.

I would imagine that if you like me it would be a given that you like nice large bellies and big thighs and white skin and all the things that make me who I am physically. BUT there is more to me than that, and I'm completely aware of what my body looks like and feels like and I totally understand why YOU as FA's would like it. 

It would be like telling a thin girl, "I love how your bones stick out when you lie on your back" or "I love how when your hair is short I can't tell if you are a boy or a girl." I'm pretty sure that would be frowned upon. I cant be sure cause Ive NEVER had the body of a boy, the haircut, but not the body. 

Why when I say I really don't want to go over YOUR image of me that you have in your head over and over again do I get comments like, " you are not comfortable with your size", or " Im not accepting of who I am"? I'm sorry but I find that offensive, and if you really think that of me then why are you even talking to me? 

Well anyway that's it. Thanks for listening. :bow: 


B-


----------



## gypsy (Feb 2, 2006)

Couldn't have said it better myself, Berna.

*standing ovation*


----------



## abluesman (Feb 2, 2006)

It sounds like you have been the object of their obsessions. 

While I obviously had no problem at all with my wife's size (she too is a SSBBW), that was not the only thing that attracted me to her. It was "everything about her" that made me fall hopelessly in love with her. We don't "talk" about her weight much, and if we do, it's just in normal conversation.

Some men, (and I suppose women too) seem to need to feed their obsessions, and in doing so, overloook everything else that makes you such a great catch. Take your time, keeps your eyes and ears open. Someday, somewhere, you'll meet the right guy and when you do, it will be absolutely fantastic (and you won't have to discuss your weight unless you want to).


----------



## Emma (Feb 2, 2006)

I couldn't agree more.


----------



## fatlane (Feb 2, 2006)

I think women who want to be appreciated for their inner qualities are hot. Especially SSBBWs who want to be appreciated in that way. I've always wanted to be with someone who would tell me what turns her on as I listen intently and... wait, if that's what _I_ want, is that helping any?


 man, I wish it wasn't always about appearances... that's why it's so important to make eye contact at least 95% of the time while on a date. When first meeting someone, eye contact should be established at least 98% of the time. The remaining 2-5% is to let the woman know you also like the vehicle for that beautiful soul...


----------



## Webmaster (Feb 2, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I'm glad that there are FA's out there but, do I have to hear about "YOUR" fantasies and what turns you on about my size constantly? Can't there be some happy medium? Trust me men it gets old fast.



I can clearly imagine that this can get a bit frustrating real fast. And trust me, as we get older and live the life we chose, while our orientation and fantasies remain the same, we're far less likely to make them the sole topic of conversation.

However, I also want to give you the reason why this is happening: Most budding FAs found themselves having these fantasies without ever asking for them. And unlike other, more conventional fantasies, they can't discuss them with anyone. Not their friends, for sure. And generally not with their girlfriends.

So when they find a place like Dimensions where large size is welcome and celebrated, it's like a candy store, like the promised land. Not only is this a place frequented by lots and lots of lovely fat women, but those fat women also know about FAs and our preferences. So some of the guys just can't help themselves. All the pent-up fantasies, all the desires, everything they wanted to know and express. And you get to hear it all. 

So be gentle, be patient. If the approach is obnoxious, gently point that out. If it just seems too one-sided, move on. Else, try to understand that many men here are learning. It's all knew to them, exciting and unusual, and just what they had been dreaming about. I am not saying put up with stuff that's just not your thing. But also don't jump all over them if it comes up. If you do, you may miss out on a great guy who is just discovering his real sexuality, like many fat women here discover theirs for the first time.


----------



## Jes (Feb 2, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I have something I would like to talk about or mention.
> 
> Being single and a SSBBW, on occasion I get in discussions about my size with potential dates, almost always FA's. Latley I've noticed a pattern.
> They can't STOP talking about my weight and how exciting it is to them, and how exciting it is that I'm powerful just becuase of my size. Even tho my muscles are weak.(I'd like to show you how weak my muscles are:shocked: )
> ...



These fantasies are very strong and sometimes, we're going to be powerless to sway the guys away from them--especially in the cases where it's mostly fantasy and it's online, or whatever, and they're not going to have face-to-face relationships with us. It's just a chance to talk about something that turns them on and if their needs are being met, they have no impetus to change their behavior.

Think, too, about the weight-related sex stories. I'd always imagined they'd be like more mainstream porn, with fat people (and maybe WG, or some other angle, too). And what I've seen is very often NOT that. It'll be 2 pages of eating and rubbing bellies, and at the end, there will be one sentence that reads: And then we had sex and it was hot! I suddenly realized the fat rubbing and the eating (and the jiggling while walking, and the not fitting into a chair, etc. etc.) WAS the sex. I'm not judging, I'm just talking about my experiences, here.

What I've done in the past is to explain it this way: imagine if someone was greatly turned on by your (the guy's) elbow. Let's say I'm a major elbow woman. Now maybe I compliment your elbow, and tell you I'd like to stroke it, and that it's cute--and that's all nice and good. You like your elbows, you have no probs with them, but then again...well, they're not exactly your erogenous zone (or your major one). You've never thought so much about your elbows. But yeah, I'm right, they're cute, and you're willing to bring them into sex play b/c you can see they're cute, and you know I'll get off on it. 

But if that was ALL there was? If I just wanted to talk about, and rub, your elbows? Would that be enough for you? Would that turn you on? Get you off? 

That's what I feel I face when people ask me the same things they're asking you. Sure, I can answer any question you want about my fat ass, but it's not really...sexy for me to talk about it, for the most part. THat doesn't make me ashamed of it, it's just not HOT. There's a difference between talking about sex and it being sexy, and the men I've talked to have very often been surprised that I see it that way. THey'll actually say: you're not turned on right now (because THEY are)? In the bigger picture, it can all be sexy to me, but not just the fat, alone, or whatever. The scenatrio has to include a lot of what I find hot about myself. 

So I feel awkward now when men ask me those personal questions. I'm articulate and I know I could say some things that'd turn them on, but they wouldn't be true. I could weave a great story. But that's not me. And so I hesitate to answer their questions b/c I know I'll disappoint them. It's a Catch 22.

I don't know if this has helped, but you're not alone. Maybe explain it to them using the elbow story. Maybe they'll get that.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 2, 2006)

fatlane said:


> I think women who want to be appreciated for their inner qualities are hot. Especially SSBBWs who want to be appreciated in that way. I've always wanted to be with someone who would tell me what turns her on as I listen intently and... wait, if that's what _I_ want, is that helping any?
> 
> 
> man, I wish it wasn't always about appearances... that's why it's so important to make eye contact at least 95% of the time while on a date. When first meeting someone, eye contact should be established at least 98% of the time. The remaining 2-5% is to let the woman know you also like the vehicle for that beautiful soul...




I love to be appreciated I love when a man finds me, my body and the person that I am attractive. 

I know this by the look in his eyes and the feel of his touch. NOT the dicussion of how I can knock you on your ass. 

I love your response Fatlane. 

AND thanks girls for your kudos


----------



## Jes (Feb 2, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> However, I also want to give you the reason why this is happening: Most budding FAs found themselves having these fantasies without ever asking for them. And unlike other, more conventional fantasies, they can't discuss them with anyone. Not their friends, for sure. And generally not with their girlfriends.
> 
> .



thanks for the reminder, and for letting me see the other side. That's why using my elbow example (or something like it) has helped, in the past. It provides a model for the other person to use to see what OTHER sorts of things might be helpful to bring up. 


And Conrad? I bet you have real cute elbows.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 2, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> I can clearly imagine that this can get a bit frustrating real fast. And trust me, as we get older and live the life we chose, while our orientation and fantasies remain the same, we're far less likely to make them the sole topic of conversation.
> 
> However, I also want to give you the reason why this is happening: Most budding FAs found themselves having these fantasies without ever asking for them. And unlike other, more conventional fantasies, they can't discuss them with anyone. Not their friends, for sure. And generally not with their girlfriends.
> 
> ...



I don't think its so much that they like to talk about it. Because I will and I do and at times things are discussed that I enjoy. I think what bothers me the most is that when the discussion is not going the way they want it to or when I tell them what I think, they feel as though I'm not "really" accepting of my body and my size. I personally have come a long way over the years in this area and it angers me at times when I'm told this. 

I will be patient and open minded and I'm not mean or nasty to anyone when they are talking to me about their feelings. It would be just as wrong for me to do that. Like I said a nice happy medium.


----------



## JMNYC (Feb 2, 2006)

I've met some SSBBW who LOVE to talk about their fat, how big they are, how much they enjoy FAs, and such. 

And others who send out a psychic message, "Don't talk about it too much. You know the fat's there, I know it's there, no need to bring it up. Yes---I know you are an FA, you love my hanging belly, big thighs, watching me get in and out of cars, etc. Yes. But keep it to yourself."

There's the happy medium.

The first time I dated a big woman, I didn't make a peep about her size. I am not just attracted to fat---if the chemistry isn't there, it doesn't matter what one's dress size is.

One won't know until one spends time with you how much talk, if any at all, you can take on the subject.

There are some people who aren't very experienced sexually or emotionally. Not a bad thing---my parents didn't teach me anything about sex except where babies come from, and that was when I was 5, and that was the last time the subject was broached. I was not taught how to relate to people, never mind women. So I figured, tried this and that, messed up, tried again---and I'm still trying my best. 

Any man who harps on your fat probably doesn't have a lot of experience relating to women---else he wouldn't talk that way to you. You gotta tell 'em, sometimes more than once, sometimes more than twice.

You must remember we are all about 4 years old!


----------



## Jes (Feb 2, 2006)

Maybe that's the answer, too--for those who really just want to talk and talk about it, find someone else who does. I don't know if that's possible, but...NASCAR people find OTHER NASCAR people, so hey!


----------



## Tina (Feb 2, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> So be gentle, be patient. If the approach is obnoxious, gently point that out. If it just seems too one-sided, move on. Else, try to understand that many men here are learning. It's all knew to them, exciting and unusual, and just what they had been dreaming about. I am not saying put up with stuff that's just not your thing. But also don't jump all over them if it comes up. If you do, you may miss out on a great guy who is just discovering his real sexuality, like many fat women here discover theirs for the first time.



All that is understandable, but the thing that isn't addressed in your post is the guys who, when she tells them she would like to talk about something else, tell her she isn't accepting of herself, and other similar false judgements. Now, to me, *that* would be the most irritating thing. It's almost akin, in a way, to the person who makes some comment about size, and you say, "no, I'm not overweight, I'm fat," they say, "no, no, you're not fat," as if it's the most horrible thing that could happen to a person. It's all making value judgements related to assumptions about intent, and it's beyond annoying.


----------



## Jes (Feb 2, 2006)

Nicely said. Could be a weird control thing too--an FA who still wants to be the one to convince a fat woman she's attractive to someone. Like I said, I do have a theory about that.

It begins with a grassy knoll.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 2, 2006)

JMNY- I don't really want you to not say it. I think maybe choosing differnt words may help. "I love your body" "I love the way you feel" things like that are great. I dont usually like FLAB,cottage cheese legs, massive, thunder thighs. these things don't sound sexy TO ME. Maybe some guys do but there are so many other more inviting ways to desrcibe my body in a way that would be pleasant to me as well as them.


----------



## Jes (Feb 2, 2006)

AHAHAHA. Sorry. But if anyone ever said 'cottage cheese thighs to me,' he'd be invited to leave my bedroom so fast ...

Now maybe Philly CREAM CHEESE thighs would be cute...


----------



## Jane (Feb 2, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> JMNY- I don't really want you to not say it. I think maybe choosing differnt words may help. "I love your body" "I love the way you feel" things like that are great. I dont usually like FLAB,cottage cheese legs, massive, thunder thighs. these things don't sound sexy TO ME. Maybe some guys do but there are so many other more inviting ways to desrcibe my body in a way that would be pleasant to me as well as them.


Maybe if they would just "think" instead of saying some of the words

I love your (massive, thunder) thighs. It feels so good when I touch you (r belly).

Work with us here guys. Women use "understood" words all the time.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Feb 2, 2006)

Wayne talks about my ass all the time. I've grown to appreciate it!


----------



## moonvine (Feb 2, 2006)

I guess from reading this thread I have to say I have never dated this type of FA, and I'm not at all sure I want to. I'm not judging those who would want this sort of relationship - it just isn't for me.

I get kinda normal compliments, but not the protracted sort of discussions of my body parts that are described here.


----------



## Webmaster (Feb 2, 2006)

Tina said:


> All that is understandable, but the thing that isn't addressed in your post is the guys who, when she tells them she would like to talk about something else, tell her she isn't accepting of herself, and other similar false judgements. Now, to me, *that* would be the most irritating thing. It's almost akin, in a way, to the person who makes some comment about size, and you say, "no, I'm not overweight, I'm fat," they say, "no, no, you're not fat," as if it's the most horrible thing that could happen to a person. It's all making value judgements related to assumptions about intent, and it's beyond annoying.



That's why I said, "If the approach is obnoxious, gently point that out. If it just seems too one-sided, move on." There will always be situations where there's just too much dissonance. 

There's also another aspect to this. When I was around 20 I met a fat girl who was just incredible. Gorgeous hair, great figure, charming, smart, great smile, sociable; she had it all. Except, she was totally and completely down on herself because she weighed something like 220 pounds or so. Almost every conversation ended up a monolog by her about how ugly and undesirable she was and how no one would ever like her or love her. No matter what I said, she simply dismissed it. The insinuation pretty much was that I was a perverted creep because I found her attractive and desirable. This was a case where a fat girl was so freaked out about herself that she accepted nothing other than agreement with her self-assessment.

So it goes both ways. Some fat women come here in the hope of finding someone special, but they reject any reference to what makes them physically attractive and special to the type of men who come here to find a fat mate. As usual, it comes down to common sense, common ground, and tolerance.


----------



## Echoes (Feb 2, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I dont usually like FLAB,cottage cheese legs, massive, thunder thighs. these things don't sound sexy TO ME. Maybe some guys do but there are so many other more inviting ways to desrcibe my body in a way that would be pleasant to me as well as them.



rofl

You know, like right before I became aware of SA/FA/etc, I had posted an ad on a BBW personals site. This guy responded, I liked his profile, and we ended up talking on yahoo for awhile and then eventually on the phone. So we're talking along and suddenly he says to me, "I bet you have lots of yummy cellulite on your thighs, huh? mmmm." :shocked:


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Feb 2, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> So it goes both ways. Some fat women come here in the hope of finding someone special, but they reject any reference to what makes them physically attractive and special to the type of men who come here to find a fat mate. As usual, it comes down to common sense, common ground, and tolerance.



I love this Conrad. Some guys are just overly enthusiastic about being around fat women and say things that they have no idea could be hurtful to some women. Yes - there are jerks out there - but not as many as one might think. 

I think fat women and FA's need to learn to give each other some slack.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Feb 2, 2006)

Echoes said:


> rofl
> 
> You know, like right before I became aware of SA/FA/etc, I had posted an ad on a BBW personals site. This guy responded, I liked his profile, and we ended up talking on yahoo for awhile and then eventually on the phone. So we're talking along and suddenly he says to me, "I bet you have lots of yummy cellulite on your thighs, huh? mmmm." :shocked:




But Can you ladies try to understand that to an FA cellulite is sexy? He thought he was being complimentary. Cut these guys some slack.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 2, 2006)

Echoes said:


> rofl
> 
> You know, like right before I became aware of SA/FA/etc, I had posted an ad on a BBW personals site. This guy responded, I liked his profile, and we ended up talking on yahoo for awhile and then eventually on the phone. So we're talking along and suddenly he says to me, "I bet you have lots of yummy cellulite on your thighs, huh? mmmm." :shocked:



OMG Whats his name. I'll bet I know him.


----------



## Echoes (Feb 2, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> But Can you ladies try to understand that to an FA cellulite is sexy? He thought he was being complimentary. Cut these guys some slack.



Oh, I understand that _now_, but at the time I was a complete n00b. 

I do think though that in general I'd much rather hear "you have sexy thighs" than "omg, I love your cellulite."


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 2, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> But Can you ladies try to understand that to an FA cellulite is sexy? He thought he was being complimentary. Cut these guys some slack.




I know it is. Its not that I dont understand that. and I love that they love it. BUT do they have to say cottage cheese legs. How about . you have the most beautiful thighs Ive ever seen and I love to imagine them wrapped around me. 

THats so much sexier than. I really like your cellulite


----------



## Jes (Feb 2, 2006)

ooh. did my thighs just get warm in here or was it my thighs? mrrrrrrp.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Feb 2, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I know it is. Its not that I dont understand that. and I love that they love it. BUT do they have to say cottage cheese legs. How about . you have the most beautiful thighs Ive ever seen and I love to imagine them wrapped around me.
> 
> THats so much sexier than. I really like your cellulite




I guess it's perspective. To an FA cellulite is a good thing so why not mention it?


----------



## moonvine (Feb 2, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> But Can you ladies try to understand that to an FA cellulite is sexy? He thought he was being complimentary. Cut these guys some slack.



Well, do guys who like thin women say "Oh, I just adore all your bones poking out....?"

No (at least I don't think so)..they say "You have sexy legs" or whatever.


----------



## Jes (Feb 2, 2006)

for me it's a question of finesse.

the difference between saying: it's hot that you have hair! and: it's hot that you have such silky, soft, long hair (or whatever).

so: it's hot that you have cellulite leaves me cold while: it's hot that you have such soft, luscious, dimply thighs! is pretty a-ok. 

maybe it's the ole male/female thing again. Men being visual, they're just seeing the cellulite and commenting. Women being aural, we need more of a description of what all that is, so we have something more to work with (since our sex organ is between our ears. Kind of like in Deep Throat. Only different).

People? I am still hopped up on cold meds and I CANNOT GET MY POOP IN A GROUP, today. Ok?


----------



## Tiger's_Lily (Feb 2, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I'm glad that there are FA's out there but, do I have to hear about "YOUR" fantasies and what turns you on about my size constantly? Can't there be some happy medium? Trust me men it gets old fast.



This sort of thing happens so often......unfortunately!.....and yes, it sure does get old fast!!


----------



## Jane (Feb 2, 2006)

One could always come back with, "I'm sure I would love your sexy scalp, too."

After all, we don't care, we like it, why should it bother them?
(It would, and I would never say it.)


----------



## Sandie S-R (Feb 2, 2006)

abluesman said:


> It sounds like you have been the object of their obsessions.
> 
> While I obviously had no problem at all with my wife's size (she too is a SSBBW), that was not the only thing that attracted me to her. It was "everything about her" that made me fall hopelessly in love with her. We don't "talk" about her weight much, and if we do, it's just in normal conversation.
> 
> Some men, (and I suppose women too) seem to need to feed their obsessions, and in doing so, overloook everything else that makes you such a great catch. Take your time, keeps your eyes and ears open. Someday, somewhere, you'll meet the right guy and when you do, it will be absolutely fantastic (and you won't have to discuss your weight unless you want to).



Bravo Bluesman!! Very well put. Guy and I are like that. We've been together 13 years, and that is how our marriage is. Granted a real FA is going to love your curves (without needing to obsess over them), but a real man is going to love all of you (and your fatness will just be the icing on the cake!).

A decent FA (and a good man) will notice everything about you that makes you wonderful, not just your fat body. So, as Bluesman said...hold out for someone who gets it!


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Feb 2, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Well, do guys who like thin women say "Oh, I just adore all your bones poking out....?"
> 
> No (at least I don't think so)..they say "You have sexy legs" or whatever.




See I don't see a problem with using cellulite in a complimentary way. *shrug* It just seems like an awful little thing to get upset about.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 2, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> See I don't see a problem with using cellulite in a complimentary way. *shrug* It just seems like an awful little thing to get upset about.




Im not really getting upset about that. I get upset that when I say that I don't care to discuss my celullite and I'm acused of "not liking my size" which is not the case. That is really what bothers me most. 

I love playful chat about my body and it's endless flesh but when it becomes all that a person can discuss with me It becomes redundand and therefore less desirable.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Feb 2, 2006)

I'm sorry I misuderstood you. I completely agree with obsessing about any body part is *icky* I never put up with it either especially if I had asked him to stop.

 




bigsexy920 said:


> Im not really getting upset about that. I get upset that when I say that I don't care to discuss my celullite and I'm acused of "not liking my size" which is not the case. That is really what bothers me most.
> 
> I love playful chat about my body and it's endless flesh but when it becomes all that a person can discuss with me It becomes redundand and therefore less desirable.


----------



## ChickletsBBW (Feb 2, 2006)

gypsy said:


> Couldn't have said it better myself, Berna.
> 
> *standing ovation*




oh... my comment exactly!!


----------



## Rosie (Feb 2, 2006)

This is a big reason (No pun intended) why I will not date an FA. It creeps me out, the thought of someone fawning over my fat like that.


----------



## Jack Skellington (Feb 2, 2006)

Rosie said:


> This is a big reason (No pun intended) why I will not date an FA. It creeps me out, the thought of someone fawning over my fat like that.



Yeah, nothing grosser than a guy attracted to fat chicks. That's just sick.


----------



## Recliner (Feb 2, 2006)

Yeah, I feel bad for people that are the subject of fetishes. Thinking about my fetishes turns me on more than thinking about sex. I'd like to think I have enough respect for other human beings than to just treat them like a fetish, though. If I were in the other position I don't think I would tolerate someone treating me that way, unless I had the same feelings they did. Maybe.


----------



## Carrie (Feb 2, 2006)

Rosie said:


> This is a big reason (No pun intended) why I will not date an FA. It creeps me out, the thought of someone fawning over my fat like that.



Why is that any creepier than a man fawning over a taut, athletic body? You're painting FA's with a very broad, negative stroke with that statement, and I find it offensive, to be frank. This is EXACTLY the reason why I say over and over that there is a HUGE difference between someone with a fat fetish vs. a true fat admirer. The fat fetisher is *just* there for the fat, regardless of who's wearing it, while the true fat admirer finds fat women beautiful - not just the body, but the heart, mind and spirit. It's a _preference_ for FA's (no different than a preference for thin women!), not some kind of dark perversion that you seem to believe it is.


----------



## MisticalMisty (Feb 2, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Why is that any creepier than a man fawning over a taut, athletic body? You're painting FA's with a very broad, negative stroke with that statement, and I find it offensive, to be frank. This is EXACTLY the reason why I say over and over that there is a HUGE difference between someone with a fat fetish vs. a true fat admirer. The fat fetisher is *just* there for the fat, regardless of who's wearing it, while the true fat admirer finds fat women beautiful - not just the body, but the heart, mind and spirit. It's a _preference_ for FA's (no different than a preference for thin women!), not some kind of dark perversion that you seem to believe it is.



I agree..very well said Carrie.


----------



## MisticalMisty (Feb 2, 2006)

I'm not highjacking..or however you spell it..I just want to add another tangent..It seems to me..the guys that Bigsexy are referring too..are also the ones who will stand you up..because they're attracted to you..but won't be seen with you..That's what I've been up against the past year or so..these men are persuing me..and then when it comes time to meet or go out..they completely disappear..but the build has been how much they love fat women..and how much they enjoy talking to me..blah, blah, blah!


----------



## TraciJo67 (Feb 2, 2006)

Jack Skellington said:


> Yeah, nothing grosser than a guy attracted to fat chicks. That's just sick.



I don't think that is what Rosie meant to imply. 

I didn't like being admired because I was fat, either. Only part of that was due to my own negative feelings about my size. I can understand a *preference*; I'm a bit skeeved out by the idea of a fetish. 

And yeah, I could tell when someone was into my size (who and what I'm all about being completely irrelevant) and someone who was attracted to me, including my body size.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Feb 2, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Why is that any creepier than a man fawning over a taut, athletic body? You're painting FA's with a very broad, negative stroke with that statement, and I find it offensive, to be frank. This is EXACTLY the reason why I say over and over that there is a HUGE difference between someone with a fat fetish vs. a true fat admirer. The fat fetisher is *just* there for the fat, regardless of who's wearing it, while the true fat admirer finds fat women beautiful - not just the body, but the heart, mind and spirit. It's a _preference_ for FA's (no different than a preference for thin women!), not some kind of dark perversion that you seem to believe it is.



I didn't see this before making my earlier reply. This is exactly what I meant to say, Carrie - only I couldn't seem to find the right words


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Feb 2, 2006)

Color me *WEIRD* I liked having men look at me with a certain amount of lust (hell I still like it) and them finding my fat body sexy - it makes me feel sexy.

But I must be weird. *shrug*


----------



## Santaclear (Feb 2, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I know it is. Its not that I dont understand that. and I love that they love it. BUT do they have to say cottage cheese legs. How about . you have the most beautiful thighs Ive ever seen and I love to imagine them wrapped around me.
> 
> THats so much sexier than. I really like your cellulite



Those guys need to actually try slathering some cool cottage cheese ALL over their thighs sometime and then sit at the computer. :eat2: (mmmmmmmm) Then they'd know what it feels like.

Seriously, bigsexy, guys embarrass me all the time when they talk that way. I try not to hahahaha but I hope I never sound like that!


----------



## Jes (Feb 2, 2006)

Strikes me that we're all talking about different things here, somewhat. We've all been skeeved out by some sort of attention--how that attention is manifested or how we react to it may be different for all of us, but like pornography, we 'know it when we [feel] it.' I like lust in a man's eyes, too, but not always and not from everyone. If someone wanted to grab some part of me and say: My god, your [whatever] is SO damned sexy!: and then grunt like an animal, that'd be ok (assuming I knew who the hell he was).
But some of that sort of stuff coming from a guy I don't know in chat? When I'm trying to talk about other things? And it's not turning me on? eh.

Finally, I think we keep getting away from 920's point, which was how she feels these guys are reading something into her reaction which she doesn't feel is there (and which, since I'm in her boat, I'd agree with). Just b/c having a monosyllabic, boring conversation about the same damned topic doesn't turn you on doesn't translate to you being ashamed of your body or uncomfortable with your size. I think it may be a power thing, 920 and if you don't want to play into it, say so. If these guys then get bored with you and wander off (and probably, they will, I'm sorry to say), then so be it.


----------



## Santaclear (Feb 2, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Why is that any creepier than a man fawning over a taut, athletic body? You're painting FA's with a very broad, negative stroke with that statement, and I find it offensive, to be frank. This is EXACTLY the reason why I say over and over that there is a HUGE difference between someone with a fat fetish vs. a true fat admirer. The fat fetisher is *just* there for the fat, regardless of who's wearing it, while the true fat admirer finds fat women beautiful - not just the body, but the heart, mind and spirit. It's a _preference_ for FA's (no different than a preference for thin women!), not some kind of dark perversion that you seem to believe it is.



Agreed. It's based on Rosie not thinking fat is sexy.


----------



## Carrie (Feb 2, 2006)

Jes said:


> Finally, I think we keep getting away from 920's point, which was how she feels these guys are reading something into her reaction which she doesn't feel is there (and which, since I'm in her boat, I'd agree with). Just b/c having a monosyllabic, boring conversation about the same damned topic doesn't turn you on doesn't translate to you being ashamed of your body or uncomfortable with your size. I think it may be a power thing, 920 and if you don't want to play into it, say so. If these guys then get bored with you and wander off (and probably, they will, I'm sorry to say), then so be it.



Yes, this is an entirely different issue. I get this just about every time I decline to tell someone my weight or measurements, or share any of my bare-ish photos. "Oh, you must be ashamed of your size!" Nooooo.....actually, it's just an incredibly rude question because I DON'T FRICKING KNOW YOU AND IT'S NONE OF YOUR FRICKING BUSINESS. I try to be patient and explain that it's a rude question by asking if he would ever dream of going up to a woman in the grocery store and asking her her weight, but some guys just don't get it.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Feb 2, 2006)

Oh, where to begin .... 

I've been an FA since 1962 - when I was ten years old. And most of that time, and with most of the girls (and later women) who I was attracted to, their fat was like the elephant in the room that no one mentioned. Many of them didn't even like the WORD "fat", and my first wife was so self-conscious about her size that she actually cut all the size labels out of her clothing - but that may have been a self-defense method to keep her rail-thin mother from nagging her about her weight. 

Many of the women I've been intimate with over the years (and they were all BBWs, of varying sizes) would only undress in the dark; only a few were comfortable enough with their own bodies to be naked with the lights on. 

I think that what we have here is a rather unusual group dynamic. You have women who have spent their lives being told there's something wrong with their size, and men who have spent their lives being told there's something wrong with LIKING a BBW's size. I'm sure many FAs are vocalizing for the first time what they've wanted to say for years, and it's easy to say the wrong thing in a situation like that. 

Just remember that us men are visual creatures - once we see something (or someone) we think looks good, we move in and take it from there. And some of us FAs aren't really that good at it, because many of us spend what seems like years searching out the BBWs we find attractive. (I remember my single days, going to bar after bar and ending up empty-handed - so to speak - way too often.) And sometimes we get so nervous around BBWs that we get tongue-tied and blurt out stuff we later regret.

I've alway thought that because of our experiences (both as FAs and as BBWs) and how those experiences have affected us (for better or worse), there is a certain amount of social dysfunction in the Size Acceptance community. It's no one's fault - it's a by-product of how we've all been treated by society. I think we all need to keep this in mind, and think about how the other person can be affected by what we do or say.

Just my two cents.


----------



## Jes (Feb 2, 2006)

you keep rockin' in the free world, wayne. THis was very well said. Sometimes, I'm an ass. And then I remember that I haven't had all the same formative experiences other people have, and...I cut myself some slack. And then I cut myself a piece of cheese (and no, Vince, this wasn't another fart joke)


----------



## Tarella (Feb 2, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> Being single and a SSBBW, on occasion I get in discussions about my size with potential dates, almost always FA's. They can't STOP talking about my weight and how exciting it is to them, and how exciting it is that I'm powerful just becuase of my size.
> 
> I'm glad that there are FA's out there but, do I have to hear about "YOUR" fantasies and what turns you on about my size constantly? Can't there be some happy medium? Trust me men it gets old fast.
> 
> ...


I hear you Bernadette. I have encountered some of the same things in my time spent around dimensions. I always chalk it up to: I have to take the good with the not so good. Not all of the guys here, FA or otherwise labeled, treat women like objects. A conversation doesn't last long with me if the person immediately starts asking intimate questions or is overly flatterous. At the same time I am conscious of just what Conrad and Wayne have mentioned. 

It truly is hard for many of these gentlemen to contain their questions and curiosities once finding someone to express themselves with here. I think it is like the first time I realized that there were actually guys who actually preferred their dates bigger. I remember talking,opening up, and sharing all at once. I asked silly questions like: 'what do you like about bbw's' "are you really sure you like a bbw for the right reasons' etc, etc. It was new to me and I was exploring the whole revelation with exhuberance. I remember once making a guy feel like he was weird for liking me. I didn't mean to with my curiosity but I probed too deeply. I felt like I had found something so pivotal to my life...like the clouds opened up and voila. I was the kid in the CandyShop. I stumbled.

Like you, I want to be appreciated for all I have to offer. I don't want my appearances to be overlooked or just accepted and at the same time, I don't want to have my appearances or eating habits to be the soul reason someone communicates with me. I have many layers. The guy that can undress me erotically through my mind, heart, and soul will be the only one to reach the inner sanctum. 

In the past when I have chatted with men here, I will gently redirect their attentions to the fact that they are making me feel like an object with their constant attempts to redirect the flow of conversation to a weight related topic. If they try to guilt-trip me into continuing to talk to them(i.e. 'you must not like yourself or you really should try and open up and share your nude photos with me to prove my confidence). Just because I don't want to talk about my fat or size with you, doesn't mean I am not confident about who i am. In fact it may mean I am very confident and wont allow myself to be objectified without it being my choice. I politely decline their offer and say goodbye. 

don't give up hope. You deserve to be respected as a complete person. I also think sometimes we need to cut a bit of slack for the guys that truly are just learning to find their way. I think we need to communicate tactfully how others make us feel without attacking or running from the issue. 
We don't want to socialize the newly unveiled FA back into the deeper closet with unacceptance. If he doesn't get the picture when you have laid it out to him in black and white....I suggest politely moving on to someone you connect with on a better level.


Glad you brought the subject up

Tara


----------



## ripley (Feb 2, 2006)

I have yet to have a guy tell me that I'm not happy being fat. I've had many ask me how I like being fat, big, ss, whatever. To me it's a question of manners. I have had men in chat, several times, private message me with very personal questions about my fat. Not _me_, my fat. While this is irritating, I do feel a certain amount of sympathy for them. They seem so driven by their "fat fetish" that they almost can't converse about anything else.

I've been talking to a guy for around six months. He loves the fact that each of my thighs is bigger than his waist. He loves my big belly. I love that he loves those things. But if he would've come out with those kinds of comments/questions the first time he spoke to me? No way. It's just not acceptable to act like that to strangers. That goes for asking for pictures, too. It's just rude to talk to someone for three minutes, then start asking for pictures...and more pictures...and more pictures.... There are several gorgeous girls with paysites that would love to have your business, if you want to look without getting to know the person first. 

This isn't off topic...it's sort of tangentially on topic, rather.  I have this one friend, and every time I say something self-deprecating, he replies harshly that I have to stop that, that I have bad self-esteem. JUST BECAUSE I AM FAT DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN I HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM. He's fat too...but when he says something it's okay, and not connected to his weight. Grrr.

Wow, I'm really ranting. I'm gonna stop now.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 2, 2006)

Thank you to everyone that has posted. I honeslty didn't think I would get much response. I appreciate all the insights that you all have shared with me. Especially the men, because really you hold the key. I just want you all to know that I dont think you are wierd or odd or anything derogitory becuase of your desires and how you personally express them. We all have our own personal limits as to what is acceptable to us. 

I hope I havent offended anyone and If i have Im very sorry It really wasn't my intention. 

Hugs All


----------



## Angel (Feb 3, 2006)

First, let me apologize because I know that what I am going to say is going to tick many people off. That is not my intention. 

I have read all the posts in this thread. These, and a few other recent posts/threads have stirred something up inside of me. I think that many women may be afraid to voice these same opinions for fear of being flamed or shunned by other BBWs and FAs, or worse becoming the subject of slanderous gossip and being kicked out of the various cliques.

I understand that the origins of Dimensions was for fat admirers. Fat admirers needed a place where they could feel that they were not the ONLY male in the world with a non-mainstream preference. They needed a place where they could feel 'normal' and not be ridiculed for their preferences. They needed a place where they could talk about their experiences and a place where they could talk with like minded males. 

Years have past. With time some things have changed, others continue to remain the same. I have read some issues of the magazine. I still have a few of them. I think that women were portrayed and photographed in a positive manner. I don't think that Conrad would have allowed anything less. (The following begins were opinions will probably differ.) I truly enjoyed the magazine because finally there was a magazine which featured women whom I could relate to, beautiful and confident super-sized women. I did notice that many articles were written from a man's perspective and that the photos were not the foofy-foofy I'm-all-that-and-you-had-better-make-sure-my-hair-and-make-up-is-perfectly-applied-I'm-a-celebrity-beauty-queen-don't-you-know-attitude. In other words, the photos were such that a fat admirer could see the natural beauty of a fat woman from many different angles. It was more about presenting the beauty and wonder of the fat women to the admirers. It just seemed that it was a magazine that was made for the admirers, and luckily some of us women happened to find it and appreciate it, also. With the magazine being a publication, the publisher had control over the content and therefore because of his morals and business decisions or principles, nothing was published that would be considered offensive. I would venture to guess that the average consumer of the magazine was probably adults in the 28 and up age range. Most of the young ones here today were not blessed to have seen nor ever owned a copy. Many don't / didn't even know that a magazine ever existed.

Which brings us to today and how the internet has come into play. Kids today have the world at their fingertips. A thought crosses their mind, and they can find all the information in the world about that single thought. It is more accepted today for a young guy to find a chubby girl attractive. If a guy googles 'fat women' or any variation thereof, I'm sure he will eventually find a link to Dimensions. How many times have we read, "I just stumbled across this site today."? So, yes, there are a lot of new guys who jump head first into the world of Dimensions without fully understanding their preferences or orientations. That is no excuse for rudeness or for being crass or vulgar. Somehow with the dawn of the internet, some people have forgotten the concept of simple manners and being respectful towards women. I for one feel that it is a disservice towards the male population as a whole when excuses are made for the inconsiderate jerks who make other men ashamed to be lumped into the same category of being a male. Not every young person was raised the way I was, but I am sure most were taught to respect their mother, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, and women in general. I'm sure each of us has cringed or became irritated at one time or another by something we have read here or in chat. With Dimensions being an online adventure, Conrad no longer can control every typed word. As much as we would like, none of have control over anyone else. That does not mean that anyone has to accept or allow another person to continually cross over or into their comfort zone. 

For so long, fat women were made to think that they should appreciate any type of attention that comes their way. That state of mind still exists today among many males (and sadly, with some females). I was lurking in chat recently, and there was a group of younger males in one room and they were discussing how they perceive young females to be. One guy mentioned how many women don't post pictures. Another guy chimes in and says to just give them some attention. They are so used to not getting any in real life. If you give them attention here in chat, and tell them that they are pretty that they will do anything you want them to. Shower them with compliments and they will give you pictures or take whatever kind of pic you want, or will do whatever you ask them to on cam. Grrrrrrrr. I was boiling. The sad thing is, that many females fall for all the BS and don't realise that the guys could care less about them as long as they get what they want (pics, camming, or cyber). And the guys do tell each other what girls put out.

What I see with the "you don't accept yourself" and the "you must not be comfortable with being fat" is some guy who thinks that if he makes a female feel guilty, that she will give into HIM. Sound familiar, anyone? A guy wants to fool around, you're not so sure if you are ready or that you even like him well enough. "Come on baby, don't you like me? I told you that you are pretty. You are so HOT and you turn me on SO much. You know I luvvvvvv you!" Like it is our fault that they cannot control their actions. It is a form of CONTROL. Whether it be physical control or emotional control, some males know exactly how to play with a females mind and/or heart. Additionally these males who think that they can talk a female into what THEY want, do not in any way, shape, or form RESPECT any female. Using females or trying to control or manipulate them in any manner IS NOT fat admiration.

If truth be told, it is probably NOT the young guys who are just discovering that they are attracted to fat females who bigsexy920 was referring to. Most of the ladies who responded in this thread are older than twenty and not being chatted up by only the new young FAs. We as women can tell the difference between a curious newbie and a guy who just wants us to play along with HIS fantasies, regardless to our thoughts or desires. Some of these not so young guys can be extremely overbearing, to put it lightly. Do we want to be admired? YES! Do we want to share our thoughts, feelings, or fantasies? Sometimes, but not with every random guy who sees us as fat or gives us a compliment. Where is it stated that because a woman is fat, that she has to endure rudeness or an aggressive male who cannot think beyond his gonads?

How about an FA etiquette thread or sticky post? or a notice specifically alluding to this type of behavior on the chat login page?


----------



## Webmaster (Feb 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> ..It seems to me..the guys that Bigsexy are referring too..are also the ones who will stand you up..because they're attracted to you..but won't be seen with you..That's what I've been up against the past year or so..these men are persuing me..and then when it comes time to meet or go out..they completely disappear..but the build has been how much they love fat women..and how much they enjoy talking to me..blah, blah, blah!



I think they are unrelated phenomena. Once again, let me present the male counterprespective: A lot of email/chat correspondencesget amazingly deep quickly. Just as the older, slower paced letter correspondences tended to get deep. So the act of writing a letter, or a long email, or even bantering in chat builds a connection that appears closed than it actually is.

What comes up next is "when can I come to see you?" or "when will you come see me?" In my experience, women ask that question much more often than men. Many start pushing for a real live date almost immediately. The men may reluctantly go along since they do not want to damage the good online thing, but when she pushes too hard, they will... disappear or stand you up.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I'm not highjacking..or however you spell it..I just want to add another tangent..It seems to me..the guys that Bigsexy are referring too..are also the ones who will stand you up..because they're attracted to you..but won't be seen with you..That's what I've been up against the past year or so..these men are persuing me..and then when it comes time to meet or go out..they completely disappear..but the build has been how much they love fat women..and how much they enjoy talking to me..blah, blah, blah!




Im happy to say that I havent experianced this in a long time. Im not sure if it is becuase Im older and wiser and better and weeding people out that are like that. I honestly havent had anyone stand me up.


----------



## Jes (Feb 3, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> What comes up next is "when can I come to see you?" or "when will you come see me?" In my experience, women ask that question much more often than men. Many start pushing for a real live date almost immediately. The men may reluctantly go along since they do not want to damage the good online thing, but when she pushes too hard, they will... disappear or stand you up.



This proves it--I AM a man!


----------



## Cyprian (Feb 3, 2006)

it is, usually, a good thing to cut people slack when they say or do something stupid. (Thank God so many people think like that, or I would never have survived.) However, many people won't stop. It's in their nature. I once told a friend who was going on and on about something I really didn't want to talk about" "Mike, if you keep running red lights, and ignoring stop signs, you're going to have a bad collision with somebody some day." To no avail.

Parenthetically, it strikes me as strange that some guys are blathering on about how exciting your powerful body is; wouldn't they be hitting on the "taut, athletic" body types mentioned above? For me the combination of "big" and "weak" is a very charming juxtaposition (mmm, I'd like you to show us how weak your muscles are  .

Young guys or newbie FAs probably do say more stupid things than those with more experience. But in my experience keeping on about something in spite of negative reaction to it is not a function of youth or inexperience, but rather a deep-seated character trait that does not change. That type of persistence is NOT admirable, at least in my opinion. If you run into someone like that who does it one time, be aware that he's almost certainly always going to do it. Even if you manage to penetrate his thick skull with the consciousness that he should not babble on about cottage-cheese thighs, it will come out in other ways:

"What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

"What's bothering you?"

"I don't walk to talk about it."

"Come on, tell me."

"I REALLY don't want to talk about it!!"

There then will follow an interrogation that would do credit to the KGB, ended only by your assassinating the clown, physically removing yourself from his presence, or making up some story about something you claim is bothering you and watching him get bored and lose interest and change the subject.

People's characters are very resistant to change.


----------



## Tina (Feb 3, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> So it goes both ways. Some fat women come here in the hope of finding someone special, but they reject any reference to what makes them physically attractive and special to the type of men who come here to find a fat mate. As usual, it comes down to common sense, common ground, and tolerance.



That's true, Conrad. A lifetime of disdain, and worse, because of one's body and looks is very effective brainwashing. I understand that it can have the effect, to an FA, of making it seem like she thinks he's defective, or a perv, or whatever, but the larger issue is that she cannot see past all the brainwashing that has come from society, and often family and friends, too.

When I decided to change my own mindset I had to ask myself some serious questions. Internal dialogue had to do with asking if the years we had spent heretofore (my ex-husband and I) were just nothing but a grand pity fuck -- seemed unlikely, no one is that much of a door mat.

Was he lying all the times he told me I was beautiful and he loved my body? Again, seemed unlikely, since he was pretty enthusiastic.

Was he just weird? Well, yes, he had his weird and silly ways, but I didn't detect that he was a perv.

Eventually, it led me to the conclusion that it must mean that there was something beautiful and sexy about my body (I'd already been given the whole "you have such a pretty face, if only..." line, so I knew I didn't look like a troll) that I just wasn't seeing.

Fact is, his constancy in telling me that I was beautiful almost every day helped. It took a good while, and in fact had I not gotten tired of hating my body and decided to go on the jouney of self-discovery myself I may never have seen it. But still, his words *did* make a difference, even if at the time he may have felt he was casting them out into the void.

So my point is, while it may have been frustrating for you, and I'm sure it was, those words are never wasted. They may seem to be discounted at the time, but believe me, they're stored in there somewhere to be accessed at a later date, if not acknowledged in the moment.


----------



## ConnieLynn (Feb 3, 2006)

Angel said:


> First, let me apologize because I know that what I am going to say is going to tick many people off. That is not my intention.



Don't apologize. I totally agree. In fact my response to many guys in chat these days is "That is a rude thing to ask. Would you ask that in person? Would you appreciate that being said to your mother, sister, etc?" I figure that is better than just blowing them off and not letting them know how I feel. And I'm 41 and in general it is not the young new FAs being rude. Young FAs may be a bit eager, but they are usually pretty polite.

You got to kiss a lot of frogs


----------



## Jane (Feb 3, 2006)

I've simply decided the next time a guy starts off in chat asking me how much I weigh, rather than answer, I'm going to ask him how big his dick is.


----------



## Jes (Feb 3, 2006)

I've started saying: oh, I'd MUCh rather hear about you! You're more interesting, I'm sure. Tell me more about yourself!

And then just let them talk (or not). But no matter what, even if they start up again, I don't answer what I don't want to answer.

Usually, they say: oh, I don't know what to say about myself. Or: I don't want to talk about myself. And then they sometimes get the point I'm making.

If they DO start to talk about themselves, sometimes we can have a very nice chat and it doesn't get around to body parts ever again. 

So I kinda steer them away. If they stay, it can be constructive, if they bail, then it's clear they had nothing but my tits to talk about.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Feb 3, 2006)

Jane said:


> I've simply decided the next time a guy starts off in chat asking me how much I weigh, rather than answer, I'm going to ask him how big his dick is.



careful, he just may tell you.


----------



## Tina (Feb 3, 2006)

So true. And unsolicited, too...


----------



## Jane (Feb 3, 2006)

Oh, right, like I'd believe them!!!!!!! :smitten: :doh:


----------



## ripley (Feb 3, 2006)

Jane said:


> I've simply decided the next time a guy starts off in chat asking me how much I weigh, rather than answer, I'm going to ask him how big his dick is.



I asked one once how much money he made, after he asked me how much I weighed. It shut him up and I didn't get any unsolicited penis pic in response.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Feb 3, 2006)

Jane said:


> Oh, right, like I'd believe them!!!!!!! :smitten: :doh:



Um I can't tell you how many unsolicited pictures I've gotten on yahoo messenger of erect Penii. LOL

None were ever very impressive. I always figured if you aint got at least 12 inches to show me - why even bother??????? But a girls gotta have her standards.  

I rarely go into yahoo chat rooms anymore. *yawn* ya know??


----------



## MisticalMisty (Feb 3, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> What comes up next is "when can I come to see you?" or "when will you come see me?" In my experience, women ask that question much more often than men. Many start pushing for a real live date almost immediately. The men may reluctantly go along since they do not want to damage the good online thing, but when she pushes too hard, they will... disappear or stand you up.





see..that's just it..I'm not the one pushing to meet. I like to take my time, talk online for a little while...move to the phone and then finally meet in person. I don't feel that I'm to blame for the blatant disrepect from these guys.


----------



## MisticalMisty (Feb 3, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> Im happy to say that I havent experianced this in a long time. Im not sure if it is becuase Im older and wiser and better and weeding people out that are like that. I honestly havent had anyone stand me up.



I don't really think being older and wiser has anything to do with it. I'm 28..so I'm not some young pup..I'm really glad you haven't had anyone stand you up..


----------



## Les Toil (Feb 3, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I don't think its so much that they like to talk about it. Because I will and I do and at times things are discussed that I enjoy. I think what bothers me the most is that when the discussion is not going the way they want it to or when I tell them what I think, they feel as though I'm not "really" accepting of my body and my size.



This is interesting because the exact thing used to happen with a buddy of mine way back in my early 20s. I discovered that two of my uncles were gay within like a period of two years. My buddy used to bring the subject up and it would go something like:

"So how do you feel about this. Sudeenly discovering that two of your three uncles are gay"

"I dunno. No big deal really".

"Do you want to talk about it?".

"Talk about what? That they're gay?"

"Yes".

"What should I say about it? They're gay. No real big deal to me".

"If you want to talk about it we can".

"I don't have much to say about the subject".

"Why not? It might be best to bring it out and discuss it instead of keeping it inside".

RFLMAO! In his defense, he was a church-going guy from the midwest so maybe homosexuality was the most devastating thing on the planet. LOL... it's like those FAs that are assuming you are in some type of body denial because you don't want to discuss that phenomenally serious subject of being fat. I can just imagine my buddy after all these years telling people he once had a friend name Les that constantly internalized the fact that there was homosexuality in his family.


----------



## Les Toil (Feb 3, 2006)

Tina said:


> That's true, Conrad. A lifetime of disdain, and worse, because of one's body and looks is very effective brainwashing. I understand that it can have the effect, to an FA, of making it seem like she thinks he's defective, or a perv, or whatever, but the larger issue is that she cannot see past all the brainwashing that has come from society, and often family and friends, too.



Great points, Conrad and Tina. I see that here often. Women that put prideful emphasis on the fact that their husbands or boyfriends have NEVER dated a fat woman before and that she was his first because he saw her and not her body. As you said, Tina, if a woman has come to question the beauty of her body, she's definitely going to think any man that goes ga-ga over her is warped. Of course a guy who fixates on a woman's massive breasts and ONLY her massive breast is simply "One of the fellahs". It's all based upon what society decides is healthy and acceptable. Isn't it amazing how deep and destructive the psychological ramifications of societal brainwashing can run? I still think beauty contests are the most assinine, moronic and damaging things on he planet.


----------



## Les Toil (Feb 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I don't really think being older and wiser has anything to do with it. I'm 28..so I'm not some young pup.



That may be the most charming thing I've heard in weeks.


----------



## Elfcat (Feb 3, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I hope I havent offended anyone and If i have Im very sorry It really wasn't my intention.
> 
> Hugs All



On impression I get is that you perhaps aren't getting to enjoy telling of what your own fantasies and turn-ons are. I'm sure you must be more attracted to some of these guys than others, but maybe you feel that the men are so busy revelling in their own senses and not giving you the talking stick enough of the time.


----------



## HassanChop (Feb 3, 2006)

I can see where the men would be coming from. It's like really loving something you can't have. Or have often enough. Or even be embarrassed about loving in the first place...The times you feel it may actually be within reach, it would be easy to over-react with excitement. It's a given we all want to be accepted and maybe loved for who we are, not just our own physicality because that always changes over time. Everyones social skills are obviously not created equal... Hopefully everyone here who's single and "looking" finds their someone.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 3, 2006)

Les Toil said:


> This is interesting because the exact thing used to happen with a buddy of mine way back in my early 20s. I discovered that two of my uncles were gay within like a period of two years. My buddy used to bring the subject up and it would go something like:
> 
> "So how do you feel about this. Sudeenly discovering that two of your three uncles are gay"
> 
> ...




Maybe your friend was gay......... :shocked: Clutch the pearls. 

This is a good example tho.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 3, 2006)

Elfcat said:


> On impression I get is that you perhaps aren't getting to enjoy telling of what your own fantasies and turn-ons are. I'm sure you must be more attracted to some of these guys than others, but maybe you feel that the men are so busy revelling in their own senses and not giving you the talking stick enough of the time.




A fantasy these days is finding some one that is interested in straight sex. 

Can I just get the basics please.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 3, 2006)

MisticalMisty said:


> I don't really think being older and wiser has anything to do with it. I'm 28..so I'm not some young pup..I'm really glad you haven't had anyone stand you up..



Well getting older has help me thats for sure. And the reason I dont get stood up is because I really dont go out on dates much. Im sure if i put myself out there more I would be stood up on occasion.


----------



## Tina (Feb 3, 2006)

Les Toil said:


> I still think beauty contests are the most assinine, moronic and damaging things on he planet.



Me, too, Lester, whether they're for fat girls or skinny girls.


----------



## MisticalMisty (Feb 3, 2006)

Les Toil said:


> That may be the most charming thing I've heard in weeks.


Thank you... Wasn't trying to be charming really..lol


----------



## Jes (Feb 6, 2006)

Les Toil said:


> This is interesting because the exact thing used to happen with a buddy of mine way back in my early 20s. I discovered that two of my uncles were gay within like a period of two years. My buddy used to bring the subject up and it would go something like:
> 
> "So how do you feel about this. Sudeenly discovering that two of your three uncles are gay"
> 
> ...



Dear...and you can tell me I'm totally wrong here, but my guess is that this guy was gay. Or bi. Or somesuch. And he was either broaching coming out (or at least talking about the subject with someone who COULD talk about it) or he was into you, hoping you were into him, etc. Something like that.

I have found in my 55 years on this earth, that rarely do people go back to the same topics like this w/o having some personal vested interest in it--and from the positive way you're describing his inquiries, I don't think it was the hellfire and brimstone angle.

Now think about it and see if you don't think I'm maybe right...


----------



## TraciJo67 (Feb 6, 2006)

> I always figured if you aint got at least 12 inches to show me - why even bother???????



Ouch. Just ouch.

It's a nice fantasy, but if I were ever actually confronted with 12 inches, I'd turn and run. 

Wince. Cringe. Ouch.


----------



## ChristianFA (Feb 6, 2006)

And now, the reason I registered...

Berna, dunno if you recall, but we have spoken before on Yahoo. And, after reading your message, it struck me that what you described is something that I am capable of.

So, if I did, please accept my apologies.

I'll shut up now.


----------



## bigsexy920 (Feb 6, 2006)

ChristianFA said:


> And now, the reason I registered...
> 
> Berna, dunno if you recall, but we have spoken before on Yahoo. And, after reading your message, it struck me that what you described is something that I am capable of.
> 
> ...



NO problem. And no need to shut up your thoughts are important too. I'm sorry I don't remember you. I have a bad memory though.


----------



## ChristianFA (Feb 6, 2006)

bigsexy920 said:


> I'm sorry I don't remember you.


I gotta head out to work now, drop me a PM or catch me on Yahoo later and I'll refresh your memory.


----------



## Boteroesque Babe (Feb 6, 2006)

Webmaster said:


> What comes up next is "when can I come to see you?" or "when will you come see me?" In my experience, women ask that question much more often than men. Many start pushing for a real live date almost immediately. The men may reluctantly go along since they do not want to damage the good online thing, but when she pushes too hard, they will... disappear or stand you up.


Hmmm.... I'm not sure what a "good online thing" is exactly, but I gotta say, Conrad, if a man is seeking only an online thing, he'd save both parties a lot of time and heartache if he'd simply be honest about that up front, rather than vaporizing once the woman becomes insistent on a meeting. Anything less sounds like deception to me.


----------



## Carrie (Feb 6, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Hmmm.... I'm not sure what a "good online thing" is exactly, but I gotta say, Conrad, if a man is seeking only an online thing, he'd save both parties a lot of time and heartache if he'd simply be honest about that up front, rather than vaporizing once the woman becomes insistent on a meeting. Anything less sounds like deception to me.



Yes, yes, yes. And unfortunately, "pushing" for a meeting is a pretty good litmus test for whether a guy is seriously interested or not. If I've been talking to someone steadily, let's say, for a month, and I bring up the topic of meeting, if he's serious about getting to know me and pursuing something real, I don't think he's going to vaporize at that point. If, however, I've been nothing but a fun distraction, sure, he'll disappear.


----------



## Boteroesque Babe (Feb 6, 2006)

Jane said:


> I've simply decided the next time a guy starts off in chat asking me how much I weigh, rather than answer, I'm going to ask him how big his dick is.


Don't do it, Jane! You may think the worst that can come of it is his responding with The Dick Pic, but you're wrong. Back when I chatted (several years ago now) I once did something similar in response to an inappropriate PM. I responded with an equally graphic query about whether he was "cut."

Accidentally PMed it to Rainyday instead.

She was most gracious about it. (_And_ she's uncircumcised! Who knew?)


Les Toil said:


> "So how do you feel about this. Sudeenly discovering that two of your three uncles are gay"
> 
> "I dunno. No big deal really".
> 
> ...


Awww, c'mon, Les. The poor guy just wanted to comfort you. Offer you his shoulder. Rub your back. Stroke your hair. Sniggle your winky.

Sheesh, Brother. I thought MY gaydar needed fine tuning.


----------



## Jane (Feb 6, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Don't do it, Jane! You may think the worst that can come of it is his responding with The Dick Pic, but you're wrong. Back when I chatted (several years ago now) I once did something similar in response to an inappropriate PM. I responded with an equally graphic query about whether he was "cut."
> 
> Accidentally PMed it to Rainyday instead.
> 
> She was most gracious about it. (_And_ she's uncircumcised! Who knew?)


But, then I could post the Dick Pic here....with name.
Rainyday, you bad, bad girl. Probably touchs herself, too.


----------



## ConnieLynn (Feb 6, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Sniggle your winky.



I bet you can tell a hell of a bedtime story BB


----------



## Jes (Feb 6, 2006)

Carrie said:


> Yes, yes, yes. And unfortunately, "pushing" for a meeting is a pretty good litmus test for whether a guy is seriously interested or not. If I've been talking to someone steadily, let's say, for a month, and I bring up the topic of meeting, if he's serious about getting to know me and pursuing something real, I don't think he's going to vaporize at that point. If, however, I've been nothing but a fun distraction, sure, he'll disappear.



It's interesting--I don't push for meetings, either. I guess that's because I'm self protective like so many other people I know. I will say that I'm learning to be smarter about how I engage with people...it's a shame that just when you feel ready to protect yourself LESS, you realize maybe you shouldn't really loosen up.


----------



## Angel (Feb 7, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> Hmmm.... I'm not sure what a "good online thing" is exactly, but I gotta say, Conrad, if a man is seeking only an online thing, he'd save both parties a lot of time and heartache if he'd simply be honest about that up front, rather than vaporizing once the woman becomes insistent on a meeting. Anything less sounds like deception to me.



Now if we could only get that message across to the countless men who ONLY want online titillation!

I think the "good online thing" that many men want is along the same lines of wanting all the benefits of a relationship without ever having ANY responsibilities associated with being in one. They want to enjoy all the fun but have no intention or interest in reality.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Feb 11, 2006)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Um I can't tell you how many unsolicited pictures I've gotten on yahoo messenger of erect Penii. LOL
> 
> None were ever very impressive. I always figured if you aint got at least 12 inches to show me - why even bother??????? But a girls gotta have her standards.
> 
> I rarely go into yahoo chat rooms anymore. *yawn* ya know??


*** sigh ***

I've SPOILED that woman.....


----------



## rainyday (Feb 11, 2006)

Boteroesque Babe said:


> I responded with an equally graphic query about whether he was "cut."
> 
> Accidentally PMed it to Rainyday instead.



OMG, BB, I forgot all about that. What a hoot. Now I'm trying to remember who the hell it was supposed to have gone to. The funniest part is that you were so afraid I'd be offended, when really I was thinking, "Thank God it was her, not me!" 

And Jes, no way no how are you 55. Lop off at least 20 and I *might* believe it.


----------



## rainyday (Feb 11, 2006)

I just came back to say I decided you'd have to lop of 25 for me to begin to believe it.

This no-edit thing just chafes.


----------



## Jes (Feb 11, 2006)

rainyday said:


> I just came back to say I decided you'd have to lop of 25 for me to begin to believe it.
> 
> This no-edit thing just chafes.



You're kidding me, right? trying to get in good with me, for nefarious purposes? allright, whaddya want?


----------



## Tina (Feb 11, 2006)

I agree, Jes. I remember one post here where you said you were 18 and thought, well, no, I don't think so -- maybe 25-30, tops. But I'd believe you were 18 before I'd believe you were 55, so let's get the real scoop, darlin.'


----------



## Jes (Feb 11, 2006)

Tina said:


> I agree, Jes. I remember one post here where you said you were 18 and thought, well, no, I don't think so -- maybe 25-30, tops. But I'd believe you were 18 before I'd believe you were 55, so let's get the real scoop, darlin.'



I'll let you all take your best guess--go by the profile photo since more of me is exposed (me kissing the balloon at the walkathon doesn't show much). Whoever gets closest wins an extra special prize. And I do mean extra special.

Not long ago, I asked some guy who called me 'ma'am' and offered to carry a bag just how old he thought I was (and I said it jokingly, I wasn't snapping). And...uh....just in case you think to do that, don't. He guessed my age at like 7 years older than I am. I wanted to kick him.


----------



## Tina (Feb 11, 2006)

I was going by your profile pic, Jes. I don't believe you're 55 for a minute.


----------



## rainyday (Feb 12, 2006)

Look what I just found on the fashion board, Tina. She's busted.



Jes said:


> When I was 15, I spent the summer in Europe, and things are just so different there and I came home and really wanted to spice things up. My clothes were different, my hair was different (I had a dutch guy cut it), etc. I was tanned from being outside and at the beach (the North Sea) a lot, and it was the mid 80s, and I was very New Wave. I think I peaked early. Probably the coolest I've been. I won't see that again in my lifetime!


http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3675


----------



## Tina (Feb 12, 2006)

Ahhh, Jes, you minx you. Good work, rainy.


----------



## Jes (Feb 12, 2006)

Damn you two! And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't a' been for you darned kids!

I'm 24 and that's never changing. Never, ever.


----------



## Jes (Feb 12, 2006)

Tina said:


> I was going by your profile pic, Jes. I don't believe you're 55 for a minute.


ps? both arnold and I have had work done. FYI.


----------



## FreeThinker (Feb 12, 2006)

Jes said:


> Damn you two! And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't a' been for you darned kids!
> 
> I'm 24 and that's never changing. Never, ever.


That's on a scale of one to ten, right?


----------



## Jes (Feb 12, 2006)

FreeThinker said:


> That's on a scale of one to ten, right?


DING DING DING. we have a winner, folks. AND I LOVE HIM.


----------



## Tina (Feb 12, 2006)

Heh. 

And Arnold's surgeon needs some more schooling. He looks... two dimensional and a bit unnatural. They keep lifting his face and he'll have a spigot on his chin.


----------



## twinklebelle (Feb 13, 2006)

Jes said:


> I've started saying: oh, I'd MUCh rather hear about you! You're more interesting, I'm sure. Tell me more about yourself!
> 
> And then just let them talk (or not). But no matter what, even if they start up again, I don't answer what I don't want to answer.



Ok, just within the last few months I met my very first FA ever. Odd how it now sounds like a milestone...kinda like getting your ears pierced or something. Anyway, it was like all he wanted to talk about was the fatness. I tried (many, many, many times) to do as Jes said, and redirect the conversation toward other things. The sad part is, I really wanted to know him better. He seemed like such an awesome person....intelligent, sweet, funny. Try as I might, I couldn't get him off the fat. Then one night at dinner, I thought we had a breakthrough.....an extended conversation on something other than my cute elbow dimples or puffy wrists. I totally enjoyed myself, enjoyed him. Of course, I never heard from him again. Apparently, I'm not interesting enough. Go figure.


----------



## Jes (Feb 13, 2006)

You know, I've had a few of these ...things, too. Not the way you describe in terms of the topic of conversation (though I feel for you--sucks), but a meeting, where we spend hours together and I think we have a good time (and I'm a critical thinker--I don't always think everything is a good time, if you know what I mean), and then I never hear again. It's very odd. I don't know how you drive 4 hours and spend 6 hours together and talk about 'next time' and then drop off the face of the earth. I can understand not liking someone, but then I don't usually stay for 6 hours (and act as the person who keeps saying: well, if you have to go, that's fine, but I'd like to stay out a little more!)

weirdos.


----------

