# To Be Or Not To Be A Feeder?



## John Smith (Jul 16, 2016)

" What's your first memory as feeder/feedee? "



At the time I am doing to re-edit my Feabie's profile with newly personnal informations just for the fun to pass my while, I've begun to surprizing myself to meditate about that sentence. Why do I even begin to give myself the trouble to take some reflection about it? I thought, puzzled.



For as long I can remember being involved as regular member into the FA community, I still primarily refused to be considered myself or by everyone as a " Fat Admirer " , " amateur de femmes rondes " (I'm mainly a bilingual after all) or by any politically incorrect counterparts like " chubby chaser " , " fatty lover " , " whale rider " , " amateur de baleines " & I-would-most-wisely-avoid-having-to-list-them-all grossly used by some of the rare members from my friendly entourage I deemed - often wrongly to my own spite &#128530; - not suffering to the highest ranges of intolerance/threshold of loathing' factor from that socially-preconditioned so-many-long-decennials-ago sickness of the spirit that we vulgarly named in familiar language " fatphobia " .

Not because of some kind of scorn or fetishization about all that but well because I simply consider the fact to be attracted by a woman who appeals me as natural whatever her appareance or ratio on the weight scale (though I admit to have myself some euphemically-spoken frail threshold of preconceived reluctance while is about either too-waif or hardcore-toned trim women nay heavy-muscular female bodybuilders, especially if all of them both reachs a level of near[or total...]-unfeminine figure &#128533 then just only the fact that presumably-opened, equalist, free society abhors so much exxageratively women for their so-called too full-willowy even over-standarized curves are just a lot of absurd preconceived nosense as like the simple fact to accept oneself to conform to that " Fat Admirer " expression as someone in the fringe of some socially-accepted standards.

But well, perhaps all that parasentence talkshit is justified by my own cultural background bias, so maybe I'm rekatively badly-placed to talkshitting about these details, 'cause vain.



I couldn't however knowing be aware than the whole " feederism " thing entices REALLY my attention. Am I implied into the feederism realm? Not really although the idea to involve myself as feeder has already crossed my mind a thousand of times. Then than the eight or nine tenth from my list of members whom I has subscribed are all feedees.

Still since my teenage years, every girl who involved directly or indirectly into my circle and who demonstrated either a massive put on pounds to the point to outgrowing noticeably most of their garments or a sudden longly-timed outburst of uncontrollable appetite caused in my mind a such subject of fascination. 

Went to college, any skinny or slim female student who seemed trying to barely dissemble an extastically-arose looking on their frame while they let themselves go with their overeatings, which demonstrated so much even as the slightest trace of meaty cushioning upon their more-and-more cheekbone-less cheeks or less-and-less toned underchin, the littiest changing in their both way and/or pace motion to walking or swaying one's hips, the least notice of any ever-overgrowth of their curves or newborn extra curves which gotten to snuggle-&-snuggle alot against their once-loose or stretch wearing each time they fitted them if it wasn't just simply their recent purchase of newly loose or stretch wardrobes from larger sizes, all minimal jiggling motion from their now well-feeded limbs or over-burgeoning assets if it was not from their fleshy rolls or ever-pillowed belly, kindled my interest towards them with the meticulous curiosity of a scientist : but with, also, a so strongly sultry passion in my both heart and senses.



And you could say by the way than I have despite me a strange habit, since few couples of years, to unconsciously attract, friendly spoken or not, many of these girls who looks still hesistate between letting themselves blossom into that cycle of gluttony/fattening/body changing/enjoying/gluttony or just maintain compliance with standards rather than submit themselves to the whole pressures and judgements. The most kiddingly strangeful is the fact I attract them even while they didnt thought openly wanna gain such weight before a lot of years! &#128552;

Of course, Im not going to lie to you and deny that I hasnt scarcely used of these « hazardous « opportunities for suggest them to not be so much hard about themselves when it acts about their both social & body images nay binge eating issues in these occasions where talent of persuasion, mutual charm, sense of body language signs awareness, intuition & good fortune interweaved all together so that even the most unfriendly, hostile female person against your very existence into your circle leave unexpectedly seduced nilly by your gestures, your attention towards her but beware! Or the sslightest risk to miss somme focus or exceeding of arousal then your long-breathed connection could turn violently into a scathing reversal of fortune doubled by worst yet, as a savage beast defeating a too-hasty hunter by a lethal sight play!! 





Am I a feeder? The answer is not truly. Have I already practised the feederism? Obviously yea in somehow then most times with some astounding efficiency. 

But to the point to identify myself as feeder? Whats the very nature of identity nowadays? : « That is the question &#12299;, might have perhaps answered William Shakespeare. 



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## bigmac (Jul 19, 2016)

As usual the Devil is in the details. It would be hard to find a person -- fat or thin -- who doesn't find food at least a little sensuous. However, fewer people find food sensual, erotic, sexually arousing, and maybe even lewd. Adding another wrinkle is the fact that its possible to find food and eating erotic absent any association with weight or weight gain. Erotic attraction to fat persons is also possible without any erotic association with food or eating.


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## FatAndProud (Jul 22, 2016)

I need a tl;dr version.


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## choudhury (Jul 26, 2016)

bigmac said:


> As usual the Devil is in the details. It would be hard to find a person -- fat or thin -- who doesn't find food at least a little sensuous. However, fewer people find food sensual, erotic, sexually arousing, and maybe even lewd. Adding another wrinkle is the fact that its possible to find food and eating erotic absent any association with weight or weight gain. Erotic attraction to fat persons is also possible without any erotic association with food or eating.



Good points. Just look at Nigella Lawson's old show, where she clearly played up the sensuous dimensions of eating (e.g., close-up footage of her lovingly sampling food). Nothing to do with weight gain, but that combines with her sheer buxom sexiness made her a star.


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## NYCGabriel (Nov 5, 2016)

It is abhorrent being a feeder. Such people show no regard for the health of their partners


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## petersmyth79 (Nov 5, 2016)

NYCGabriel said:


> It is abhorrent being a feeder. Such people show no regard for the health of their partners



Not every feeder wants their partner to be a million kilograms, and plenty of feeders care about their partners health. As long as said feeder respects, understands and supports their partners desires, wishes and needs (be those needs health related or not). I would consider my self a feeder partially but there in lies the problem; the terminology and what and how an individual/s define it. The terms "FEEDER" and "FEEDEE" are outdated stereotypes that probably only describe a person/s in a most vague and broad sense. Do I want my wife to get fatter? Yes but only if it's what she wants and only if it doesn't mean eating a poor diet and compromising her health; it was her that told me she wanted to get bigger and that she loves eating a lot of food, I never told her until she had told me (I never had any intention of telling her about my love of a woman growing and never would have if she had not told me first. and no i never gave the slightest hint to the point that she was really nerves about telling me because she was worried I might think it is strange/bad and leave her).


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## Tad (Nov 21, 2016)

I always found "feeder" to be such a dreadfully active, or directing, sorting of description. Like the other party was lacking in will, and it was simply you feeding them. I always liked "encourager" more, for the sense more that the other person made the choices, you just supported some of them over others. Even then I would have preferred a term milder still.

But I'm kind of re-thinking things now. When you view things a certain way, encourage certain approaches to life, frame questions a certain way, and so on .... even if you leave the choice to the other party, you will be having a real impact.

- Happy event happens "We should go out for dinner to celebrate!" (not a movie or a comedy show or ....)
- For your birthday, what presents do you want, who you like a special dinner or we go out to a restaurant, what sort of cake do you want (without ever thinking to ask "would you rather go mini-golfing or to the garden centre and then we'll plant some flower in honour of your birthday")
- Clothes are getting tight "We should go shopping!"
- Partner mentions that they are still hungry after having had supper "We have some frozen hors oeuvres we could make up, and there are left-overs, or I could put together some crackers with liverwurst for you or ..." and not "Man, that sucks -- hopefully if you resist it, it will go away."

None of it intending to be controlling or coercive, just my natural reactions to situations, what I think of. But that all adds up, drop by drop.

So while not intending to be a "feeder", I've come to accept that really, in all of its active, pushy, connotations, it does fit me in some ways.


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## John Smith (Nov 25, 2016)

Tad said:


> I always found "feeder" to be such a dreadfully active, or directing, sorting of description. Like the other party was lacking in will, and it was simply you feeding them. I always liked "encourager" more, for the sense more that the other person made the choices, you just supported some of them over others. Even then I would have preferred a term milder still.
> 
> But I'm kind of re-thinking things now. When you view things a certain way, encourage certain approaches to life, frame questions a certain way, and so on .... even if you leave the choice to the other party, you will be having a real impact.
> 
> ...


Indeed.

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## seaturtle71 (Dec 29, 2016)

You need to binge watch my 600 pound life and then ask yourself that question.


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## LarryTheNoodleGuy (Dec 30, 2016)

NYCGabriel said:


> It is abhorrent being a feeder. Such people show no regard for the health of their partners



Well, there's a well-thought-out, blanket statement of ignorance for you.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jan 5, 2017)

Tad said:


> So while not intending to be a "feeder", I've come to accept that really, in all of its active, pushy, connotations, it does fit me in some ways.



I've been called an 'enabler' recently =P. So not a feeder but I am an enabler, for all the reasons you listed


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## Tad (Jan 5, 2017)

Yes, enabling is a word that I've batted around in my head quite a bit, but I feel that it needs a second word, to suggest what sort of things are being enabled? Enabling weight gain being somewhat different, I think, than enabling heavy drinking or prescription drug abuse or thrillseeking or .....???


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jan 5, 2017)

Hmm. Facilitating appetite?


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## Tad (Jan 5, 2017)

Xyantha Reborn said:


> Hmm. Facilitating appetite?



Oh, I kind of like the ring of 'appetite enabler'


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jan 5, 2017)

True...it does have a wholesome ring to it!

=P


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## fuelingfire (Jan 6, 2017)

I would think most FAs in relationships would meet the qualifications of being enablers. For anyone to remain the size they are, they must continue eating the nutritional diet that they are on. I have never made a girl feel bad for what they she eating. You dont get big by eating spinach.


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## Xyantha Reborn (Jan 6, 2017)

I enable - with heathy food. So yes, he eats spinach. Actually, he hates spinach, he says it makes his teeth wiggle. But other greens, yes!! His salad is just big enough for most family sized portions. He eats 6 carrots, not 2. He eats 2 cups of yogurt with honey and fruit, not 1/4 cup.

He actually eats almost no processed foods, sugars, and salts. So i think it's possible to enable appetite without eating junk. Yesterday he ate 3 home made rolls from scratch with his beef stew made from scratch including boiled bones as a base. He didn't eat any desert...but he isn't exacly losing weight, considering he had 3 bowlfuls. =p


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## extra_m13 (Jan 6, 2017)

enable is a good word. to be able to help someone, to role play, even for a day a month, that would be fantastic. if only...


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## Jerry Thomas (Jan 8, 2017)

How about "weight gain coach" ? That sounds vaguely athletic.


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## John Smith (Jan 14, 2017)

I found than the "weight gain enablers" , "appetite enablers" and "weight gain coach" seems pretty appropriate and far less self-fetishizing.


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## Tad (Jan 17, 2017)

Of course, it helps that you live in Montreal where almost all the food is so good! (how it is that overall the people of Montreal seem to be thinner than in most of the rest of the country I'll never understand. My memories of living in Montreal are almost all "We were at this restaurant, and then .... " or "We picked up (food) at (place) and then went to (another place) to eat it, and it was SO good, and (the other place) was such a great place to sit and eat, had so much character." or "We were wandering around, exploring, and we got hungry so we stopped at the first place we came to, and it was amazing! I can still taste that (food or drink) all these years later." or something similar.

It was only by being on a very tight budget, regularly going to the gym and walking and biking, and really watching what I ate on a daily basis that I only gained twenty pounds in the two years that I lived there. I can't imagine what the tally would have been had I been dating an FA, and what could have happened if I'd been dating a feeder (and we'd had the money) almost scares me.


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## John Smith (Jan 19, 2017)

Indeed! Montreal has a really diverse gastronomic background with so many excellent restos so it helps when you date with a girl who's on for gaining some weight. ^^


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## Tad (Jan 20, 2017)

My GF at the time (now wife) wasn't looking to gain weight but she loves food and didn't care so much about her size. Although we were long distance for those two years she still ended up gaining more than I did. Good times


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## John Smith (Jan 22, 2017)

Ah ah! Nice.


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