# Fantasy to Concern- The Realities of Getting Bigger



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 24, 2008)

I was over on the weight board....and there was this post.

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42549

The guy expresses his concern over what looks to be a lifestyle type of change for a person he has known for a while. As a person that has gone from chubby to fat myself, I recognize a "loss of ability" in some things. I don't like to even try to run....I struggle now to reach certain places...some places that I can't see anymore. 

I would prefer this thread, on the health forum, to be about getting bigger/weighing more over time. What are the affects? What does it do to you emotionally/mentally as well as the physical side of it? 
If anyone wants to sexualize this discussion/issue, then please go to the weight board because that is not the focus of this thread.
This thread is for discussing the pros/cons of gaining weight with issues of health being the main concern. 

Do you like it? Then say so....but also add why. Do you disagree that there are/could be problems with it? Then please post your opinions/experiences here. 

Do you have problems/issues arising from it? Then please talk about that, too, if you want to share. 

I appreciate all input and hope this turns into a useful, helpful and informative thread that pinpoints the pros and cons of weight gain.


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## imfree (Jun 24, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I was over on the weight board....and there was this post..........snipped.......
> Do you have problems/issues arising from it? Then please talk about that, too, if you want to share.
> 
> I appreciate all input and hope this turns into a useful, helpful and informative thread that pinpoints the pros and cons of weight gain.



As a person who went from 271 at age 44 in 1999, to
over 440 at age 53 in 2008, I can contribute. I'm 
going to watch for right now.


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## Risible (Jun 24, 2008)

There's little room for contentious debate here in the Health forum; mostly folks post their health concern/dilemma, people respond with their experience/advice/recommendation in a supportive manner ... So with that spirit in mind, please refrain from arguing here on this controversial topic. 

Ladies, Gentlemen ... Thank you in Advance. 


Risible
/mod


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## Ernest Nagel (Jun 24, 2008)

I pretty much said what there was for me to say in the original thread. Just gonna repost that here by way of subscribing. Sorry I don't know how to multi-quote from another thread or if that's even possible?

I think any SSA with a conscience has pangs of guilt when we observe the limitations and infirmities almost inherent to extreme size. It's why I personally have issues with feederism, quite frankly.* Ultimately however it's not my position to judge what someone chooses to do with their body. It would be arrogant and condescending of me of me to presume someone isn't aware of the risks of tobacco, alcohol, heroin or food. Any addiction is dangerous but people have the right to choose those risks. I certainly won't buy their heroin for them but that doesn't absolve me from showing other compassion. I can be considerate without condoning the damage someone inflicts on themself. I can be respectful and supportive and even love someone who's choices I may disapprove of.

Acceptance, truly unconditional acceptance of another human being, is challenging, confronting, sometimes painful. It's what we all want though and it's hardly fair to expect from others what we can't or won't provide for them.
__________________

* Not judging or criticizing anyone else. Just wanted to acknowledge I have wrestled long and hard with my own personal issues of accountability in this matter.


Quote:
Originally Posted by fatchicksrockuk 
Just wanted to point something out: tobacco, alcohol and heroin are all drugs. Obesity is not a drug, merely a description of weight. You'd have been better saying food. End quote


You're quite right. Edited accordingly. No excuse other than I was in a hurry. And I don't really want to imply all SSBBW have food addictions either. I was really thinking more about the type of situation Roy was describing where someone continues to gain in spite of mounting health/mobility issues. I've witnessed this on several occasions and it seems even the best intended efforts to intercede only exacerbate the situation.

Whether food becomes a surrogate for approval, anxiety amplifies appetite, whatever, I can't say. I just know criticism and kibitzing never seem to change things for the better. Hoped to maybe save Roy from going down that tunnel or thinking he should have.


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## Jack Skellington (Jun 24, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I appreciate all input and hope this turns into a useful, helpful and informative thread that pinpoints the pros and cons of weight gain.



My thoughts has always been there seems to be a bit of a disconnect between some in the SA community. 

They would rightly voice concerns of someone extremely underweight (to the point of ill health) but have no such problems with a person whose weight in the opposite extreme was causing them ill health.


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## Punkin1024 (Jun 25, 2008)

GEF,
Ive been up and down in weight for many years. About 5 years ago, I decided to finally get my weight down to what I thought was a healthier size. So, I stopped posting at Dimensions, denied myself many of my favorite foods and began a very disciplined exercise routine.

I managed to drop 60 pounds, but I was not happy. Then about two years ago, I got completely bored with the whole thing and started eating a more rounded, healthier diet. The weight has steadily come back on and I am around 260 pounds now. When I decided that dieting wasnt for me, I also decided to become re-acquainted with my old friend, Dimensions. Actually, Ho Ho Tai and a few others had kept in touch with me all that time and had asked if Id reconsider coming back. 

I am happier with myself than Ive been in years. Ive finally found a new appreciation for my rounded figure  especially my breasts and tummy. Though, this weight does pose a problem with my arthritis, I am learning to deal with it. The only thing I know I need to do for myself is to start walking again. This has just been a crazy year for me (raging hormones and all) and Ive needed to take a rest, though I know it would be better for me if a walked on a regular basis. Crazy, I know, but thats been me lately, so indecisive.

Living large in my world is not easy. My family and friends think Id be healthier if I were to lose weight. I dont think so, so I try to let them see that Im eating healthy fare (for the most part) and I keep telling them Ill get back to walking. I want them to see that I dont need to weigh 115 pounds to be healthy.

I am so thankful that Dimensions is here because I need the support, respect and love I find here. 

I hope this is what you wanted in reponse, GEF. 

Thanks!

~Punkin


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## Tina (Jun 25, 2008)

I personally have a collection of health problems that, particularly when I weighed around 450, severely disabled me and I was probably one notch away from immobile. I think the OP in the other thread is a reasonable man and his quandry is probably one that many FAs who prefer the super sizes go through.

Personally, being as large as I was was painful, physically and emotionally. There was the constant physical pain, but also having to be helped with everything was demoralizing to me. I understand that some want to be immobile, and that's their thing, and I'm not here to criticize. For me it was a nightmare being where I was. It's kind of a process, though -- more a falling away of the things one is able to do, and the increasing of things one needs help with. Life gets smaller because getting out is more difficult. I've had problems again lately with some of my conditions, and I'm needing more help again. It can be nice to feel cared for by someone. But it feels better, IMO, to maintain one's personal (and physical) power and ability to do for oneself. 

So it's frustrating. We find ways around things, ways to do things -- to compensate for certain incapacitations. The thing about it, though, is that it's unpredictable. You can't always tell yourself, "well, if this becomes too difficult I'll just lose weight and go back to how I was." In the first place, it's not that easy to lose weight, and even harder to keep it off long term, and secondly, some things you cannot come back from. Just for instance, worn down cartilage and bone is worn down cartilage and bone. It won't re-generate.


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## ThatFatGirl (Jun 25, 2008)

For me there never was a fantasy of gaining weight, just an addiction to some foods, compulsion to eat for every emotion in the book, and a lack of exercise. The realities of getting bigger? Venous insufficiency, lymphedema, and recurrent cellulitis (lets not forget high blood pressure, PCOS, borderline high cholesterol, and painful knees) suck big time.

I turn 40 next year. I can't help but feel if I don't make some serious changes in my life I may not live to see 50, 60, and 70. The idea of my mobility becoming any worse than it is now scares me.

I am trying to make better choices for myself here and there, but I worry it isn't enough.


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## olwen (Jun 25, 2008)

When I was bigger (close to 400lbs if not more), I do remember lots of constant ankle pain. Needlesstosay I hated walking. Difficult to avoid in NYC. I didn't do a lot of things because of that. Stairs were also a nightmare, which I tried my damndest to avoid whenever possible - also difficult to do in NYC. This city is just not a comfortable place to live in if you are very fat. I was always uncomfortable, so much so that I was surprised whenever I was comfortable somewhere. I can count those times on my fingers. 

After much intense excersicing I developed arthritis in my knees and shoulder. I didn't have arthritis when I was bigger. But I do wonder if I'd have gotten arthritis had I started out at a smaller weight to begin with. I don't know. I do feel like I have more aches and pains now at a _smaller_ weight. I'm not sure if it's because I'm more active now or what. The whole thing is just plain odd to me. 

A big reality for me is no longer taking up two seats on the bus. There's now just enough room for someone to sit next to me and tho it's been a year or so, I still haven't gotten used to that. I can remember all the times I got dirty looks from people on a crowded bus who wanted that seat but couldn't sit there. I've even had a few passengers harangue me for it. One angry woman even called me a fat bitch. That's the most embarrased I've ever been in my life. I'm not gonna lie, I'm happy that reality no longer exists for me for now.

Since I've always been big and have never had the kind of mobility that thin people have, and after going from bigger to smaller I can kind of understand why those who have gone from smaller to bigger would have a hard time adjusting to limited mobility or not being able to see their toes or being out of breath so easily, ect. 

In a way it all seems rather strange to me somehow...


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 25, 2008)

Sometimes there just isn't anything you can do. You can do all kinds of things that will help or possibly even prevent things from happening but there are no guarantees. I try to eliminate the word 'fault' from my vocabulary as far as my health is concerned but it's not easy. But the truth is you can follow all the rules and do well, still get sick, get sick with something else you hadn't considered or die earlier than you would have had you did nothing. The odds are more favorable but there are no guarantees.

I don't mean to be Debbie Downer about all this but I tend to think in terms of the worst case scenario. What if all of my good intentions lead nowhere and I end up in a wheelchair anyway, get diabetes just like the rest of my family or some such thing. I've tried to research and plan how to sustain a decent quality of life if G-d forbid all my nightmares befall me anyway. I've sort of determined in advance that if 'X' should happen to me I'm choosing to be content -- no matter what. I'm choosing to live with it, not suffer with it. I'm still doing all I am able to prevent it but if I can't I'm going to go on.

If I had a degenerative disease that is hereditary that would eventually put me in a wheelchair I would have two choices. Spend my days toiling trying to prevent it but can only delay it or spending my days enjoying what I have while I still have the ability to do so. Depending on who you are you may choose one of the other but I don't think either is necessarily a wrong choice. A cousin who passed away a year or so ago from cancer decided not to fight it. She beat cancer years earlier but when it returned she decided to make the most of her time and do some traveling. She suffered so terribly going through chemo and all the other stuff she endure the first time. She sensed that she would not be able to endure it again in her advanced years. I have a picture of her standing before the Great Wall smiling and radiant with her head completely bald and exposed. It's one of my favorites. 

It is very easy for someone on the outside to look at someone and say, "Look at him/her. How could s/he let him/herself get that way?" They seemingly wheel around content with their fate as if nothing is wrong. Possibley it is a choice they made long ago that no matter what happens they're not going to fall into dispair or punish themselves for it but instead be thankful for what they have. 

I wonder if some of this applies to someone who is a feedee with a compelling desire to gain. There may come a point in their lives where they are choosing one state of misery for another. That's something I can't fully wrap my head around but I'm not walking in their shoes.


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## Tina (Jun 25, 2008)

LillyBBBW said:


> If I had a degenerative disease that is hereditary that would eventually put me in a wheelchair I would have two choices. Spend my days toiling trying to prevent it but can only delay it or spending my days enjoying what I have while I still have the ability to do so. Depending on who you are you may choose one of the other but I don't think either is necessarily a wrong choice. A cousin who passed away a year or so ago from cancer decided not to fight it. She beat cancer years earlier but when it returned she decided to make the most of her time and do some traveling. She suffered so terribly going through chemo and all the other stuff she endure the first time. She sensed that she would not be able to endure it again in her advanced years. I have a picture of her standing before the Great Wall smiling and radiant with her head completely bald and exposed. It's one of my favorites.


I love that story, Lilly. I mean, of course, not because she had cancer, but because she chose to live her life to the fullest in spite of it -- staring it head on and giving it the finger. I think that, were I in your shoes, that would be my favorite picture, too. It shows, I would think, some of the greatness and beauty of the human spirit.


> I wonder if some of this applies to someone who is a feedee with a compelling desire to gain. There may come a point in their lives where they are choosing one state of misery for another. That's something I can't fully wrap my head around but I'm not walking in their shoes.


I hear you. I don't believe I could ever choose it, simply because of the misery quotient of my own life at times, and certainly in the past, before I lost some weight. But it's not for me to choose for anyone but myself, and if that's what they choose, it's their business. I had such a hard time with understanding that for a while, because of the horror of my own reality for some years. But I came to understand that I don't _have_ to understand it. It's not my life.


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## Theresa48 (Jun 25, 2008)

What are the health implications from gaining weight to the supersized BBW status (whatever that is...I believe the bar is set on an individual basis because some carry more weight easier than others because of heredity, bone structure, height, etc.?) For me, I reached near mobility at 420 pounds one year ago. I realized I could no longer do the things I took for granted such as walk even a short distance without pain, sleep soundly, or sit comfortable for any length of time. My joints ached, my heels hurt, my blood pressure shot up. I felt like staying in bed all day and night which is of course self-defeating and depressing (maybe I was and am depressed.) I managed to go to work-barely-come home and do nothing else. The weight affected me emotionally and physically. My physical state scared me into trying to lose weight. I lost 60 pounds, felt much better and stopped dieting. I am slowly inching back up. Not good. I have been fat most of my life. It was not a major issue until my mid-fifties. The older I get, the harder it is to maintain an active/healthy life. I've also isolated myself which is not good.

I am ending this rather abruptly because I don't know how to end it. Green Eyed Fairy asked for honest feedback...and this is mine.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jun 25, 2008)

I just want to say thank you for all of these well thought-out responses this thread has received so far.


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## Ted Michael Morgan (Jun 30, 2008)

Jack Skellington said:


> My thoughts has always been there seems to be a bit of a disconnect between some in the SA community.
> 
> They would rightly voice concerns of someone extremely underweight (to the point of ill health) but have no such problems with a person whose weight in the opposite extreme was causing them ill health.


I am concerned. I think that Linda would have benefited from gaining some weight. I am not certain who well she might have handled controlling any gain. That is why I never told her that I wished she were heavier.


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