# FA? Good or bad thing?



## pepso (Nov 29, 2008)

I've been running this debate in my mind for a while now, and yes, as nooby as this is I didn't search for previous threads on the subject, I didn't even check the first page. So lets save time moderators, just lock this up if you deem it an overdone subject.

So I'd love to start off by saying hi, I've loved bigger women as long as I can remember, starting with pregnancy, and slowly it focused onto chubby girls. I don't go gaga for extreme obesity, but I would accept an obese partner. I still live with my parents (however I'm not 13 year old, I'm off to college next in the fall of 2009!), which is why I refrain from ever posting here, since I'd rather my parents not know. But I'm starting to feel ballsy, that and I now have a lock on my door, so I decided to become active.

Now I know we've all had this internal debate, whenever we discover something different about ourselves, we will question it morally unless we're insane. The main argument I've always posed had nothing to do with the act of being attracted to larger women, and the behaviors associated with it. It was simply a statement, at least the act isn't bad, at least I'm not raping, or killing, or corrupting. It is more what we seek in a partner. The health risks involved with gaining excessive weight. Of course, we all know being chunky isn't deadly, and the media just plasters it on to maintain a multi billion dollar weight loss industry. Its so prevalent we lack awareness of it, fundamentally, its propaganda from birth to be as skinny as possible, to the point it is incredibly unattractive. To have huge fat deposits on breasts, which is almost impossible at those twinky sizes.

In all honesty, most FAs are more than happy with a nice 200 pound range girl, just a bit more cushion for the pushin'. But even then, are we causing health problems in our partners? Even if we don't mean to? Are we forcing weight gain via psychological means? Then again, do we help self esteem? And pride in bodies despised by society?

My current relationship fits both sides, so its a good example. My girlfriend when I met her was 180 pounds and 5'3" amazing figure, she worked out and kept her body toned, had no cottage cheese thighs or dimples, but still had a nice hourglass figure, wide hips, a huge stomach, and a double chin. She is a recovering bulimic/anorexic, she told me she was in control, but still had self image issues, and looked for weight loss everywhere. When I met her, she hated her body horribly. When we began to get sexual, it took an entire hour of coaxing to get her naked (We were consensual, she just thought her body was hideous.) She told me I was the first one to ever see her naked in the light (And I was her 3rd sexual partner, her last relationship lasted about a year and a half on top of that!). I came out right there and told her what I was attracted to. We've been going out 3 months since. And in that time she has gained 22 pounds, and not due to any sort of coaxing by me, I only encouraged her to be comfortable with her current body. She became so comfortable, she dropped her exercise regimen, teased me with her stomach on a daily basis, etc. I'd be ecstatic about her comfort, and increase in weight. But she has bad asthma, weight gain is not the best thing for it, shes been having attacks on a more frequent basis. She plans to maintain her current weight, even though she planned to not gain 20 pounds, and after wards planned to work it off, which she noticed bothered me. I'm afraid I'll end up pushing this towards her continuing to gain weight. (I'm not a good influence already, I get turned on when she eats a lot and she loves to tease me with it, most of my libido is based on her weight, and shes aware of this.) Worst yet, whenever she mentions exercise or diet, as a joke or otherwise, I get a stress pain in my stomach and a ripping headache. She doesn't plan to go below 180, but the thought as a whole triggers this deep Freudian sexualized response. I feel like such an evil person that her doing something to live a happier more healthy life causes me so much anguish. However, I can't help but divulge in the thought of her getting even bigger, gaining another 20, and another. And I feel just as bad as those rapists because my mind is getting off on something that causes her problems. Shes still happy as can be, but shes got shitty, shitty medical history. I worry every night, but those worries always get overtaken with the demonic voice telling me to get her to gain more and more.

Now, I know this is wrong, I fight it, a lot, I tell her every day I'd love her no matter her body, I tell her I don't want her any bigger, I want her to be healthy, I do everything I can, but this pain, it shows that maybe someone with looser morals would act differently, maybe that person would rationalize convincing her to put on more, and more weight. So, while it can increase someone's confidence, it could overdo it, someone who doesn't have tight moral control can do very immoral shit.

But then again, what type of lusting doesn't cause problems? Am I just pointing out something that is mirrored in all sexualities? You decide, lets see what you think!


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## JoeFA (Nov 30, 2008)

pepso said:


> In all honesty, most FAs are more than happy with a nice 200 pound range girl, just a bit more cushion for the pushin'. But even then, are we causing health problems in our partners? Even if we don't mean to? Are we forcing weight gain via psychological means? Then again, do we help self esteem? And pride in bodies despised by society?



Well no, a woman is only going to let you help her gain weight if she herself wants to gain weight. It's not like it's something we FAs force upon thin women, suddenly transformed into quivering lumps of fat "against their will". And to be honest, not all FAs go after thin women, trying to make them fat. Nor will all FAs want to make fat women fatter, it's alot more selective than that.

I think most FAs just want to have a relationship with a fat woman, regardless of whether they want to gain more weight or not. They just prefer women of that size. And if we are not "forcing weight gain via physchological means", unless your suggesting all FAs hypnotise women in order to make them gain weight. Now thats just stupid and totally wrong. And if theres the problem of self-esteem and the fact that they may get abuse, that's what we there to do! Not always feeding them up, not paying attention to their feelings. We make sure their happy, cause if there not thats no fun, for her or you. FAs are not malicious people, as you seem to suggest (though you state we don't do it intentionally). We attempt to help them appreciate who they are, and many do. And in terms of health problems, many women do realise this for themselves, so would not consider gaining more weight than there content with.

Your obviously very ill-informed, and as for that other stuff you said, yeah, thats REALLY true. I think paying attention to other threads and posts would've helped, at least some other bull-shitters make an effort.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Nov 30, 2008)

FA: Neutral Thing.


Simple knowledge that there is a person who is sexually attracted to fat women doesn't brainwash them into gaining any more than the knowledge that there are men attracted to skinny women brainwashes them into losing weight, and frankly the latter brainwashing is much stronger and pervasive.

Most women are not complete idiots. Just because they are objects of desire, that does not cause them to be utterly incapable of recognizing danger or taking care of their own bodies.


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## Tooz (Nov 30, 2008)

You're ~willing to accept~ an obese partner?

What if an obese partner doesn't want to ~accept~ you? I found these words very problematic.


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## Sandie S-R (Nov 30, 2008)

Tooz said:


> You're ~willing to accept~ an obese partner?
> 
> What if an obese partner doesn't want to ~accept~ you? I found these words very problematic.




Ditto.


As a woman (regardless of size) I find the concept of being merely tolerated unacceptable.


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## Ruby Ripples (Nov 30, 2008)

Tooz said:


> You're ~willing to accept~ an obese partner?
> 
> What if an obese partner doesn't want to ~accept~ you? I found these words very problematic.



LOL yup..... 


Now... what if she gets "cottage cheese" on her thighs, will that give you stress pains in your stomach too? Jeeze. Here is a genuinely meant tip for you .... Stop for two seconds to consider who 50% at least of the readers of these forums are, then think about what youre going to write, before you do. 


(Dont anyone even bother to rip into me, if hes old enough to post crap, he's old enough to take the replies to it.)


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Nov 30, 2008)

Also, Obese is a bit of a nasty-sounding word. It's often used in an attempt to sound medically accurate when it really has little medical validity, either its based on the BMI (which is crap), or it just means "excessively fat" and that varies widely on how much fat you think is excessive. It also just sounds icky. Obese is a grey, greasy, flavorless word. It sounds like something served up by a grim-faced woman at a Traditional Foods Festival that involves material like bees entrails and pig bladder.


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## lysh (Nov 30, 2008)

pepso said:


> In all honesty, most FAs are more than happy with a nice 200 pound range girl, just a bit more cushion for the pushin'.




*I can't stand comments like this!!!* "..most FAs" - How do you know? Did you take a poll? A randomized sample of FAs? What makes you able to say "MOST FAs" are anything? 

wtf ? :doh:


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## wrestlingguy (Nov 30, 2008)

> Originally Posted by pepso View Post
> In all honesty, most FAs are more than happy with a nice 200 pound range girl, just a bit more cushion for the pushin'.



Not to ruin all the research here, but I enjoy cottage cheese.

I also don't "encourage" my wife to be anything other than true to herself.

I think you're pretty early on in your FA journey, pepso. My suggestion would be to speak privately with some of the more experienced people here (not just the fat girls that give you a rise), and you may just get some good advice.


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## Tooz (Nov 30, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> LOL yup.....
> 
> 
> Now... what if she gets "cottage cheese" on her thighs, will that give you stress pains in your stomach too? Jeeze. Here is a genuinely meant tip for you .... Stop for two seconds to consider who 50% at least of the readers of these forums are, then think about what youre going to write, before you do.
> ...



I am with you, honey. I just figured someone else would bring it up. I got mad cellulite. :|


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## Chimpi (Nov 30, 2008)

I have so much to say... I will organize this as best as I possibly can.



pepso said:


> So I'd love to start off by saying hi, I've loved bigger women as long as I can remember, starting with pregnancy, and slowly it focused onto chubby girls. I don't go gaga for extreme obesity, but I would accept an obese partner. I still live with my parents (however I'm not 13 year old, I'm off to college next in the fall of 2009!), which is why I refrain from ever posting here, since I'd rather my parents not know. But I'm starting to feel ballsy, that and I now have a lock on my door, so I decided to become active.



Your beginnings differ from me slightly. I never thought of pregnant women as representation for my sexual orientation. I started out loving a body size that I would merely consider chubby now and it has slowly progressed into having a love for all fat body types, especially very fat women. Preferences aside, I agree with Tooz on the "accept an obese partner" perspective of your statement. Though I think I might somewhat understand what you mean, pepso, I think it is best to be in a relationship with a person you find fulfilling on the outside and on the inside.
Also, I hope you come to terms with being a "fat admirer" sooner than later. You will probably catch a lot of heat for wanting to hide your preference from your parents (and possibly your friends as well), so I hope you'll learn to let it be a part of you as much as the next thing is a part of you (hair color, height, gender, etc etc...).



pepso said:


> Now I know we've all had this internal debate, whenever we discover something different about ourselves, we will question it morally unless we're insane. The main argument I've always posed had nothing to do with the act of being attracted to larger women, and the behaviors associated with it. It was simply a statement, at least the act isn't bad, at least I'm not raping, or killing, or corrupting. *It is more what we seek in a partner. The health risks involved with gaining excessive weight.* Of course, we all know being chunky isn't deadly, and the media just plasters it on to maintain a multi billion dollar weight loss industry. Its so prevalent we lack awareness of it, fundamentally, its propaganda from birth to be as skinny as possible, to the point it is incredibly unattractive. To have huge fat deposits on breasts, which is almost impossible at those twinky sizes.



Keep in mind we have "twinky sized" members of this community. Try less to put a negative connotation mixed with your personal preference and more to openly accept that they are that body type. After all, the last thing I associate twinkies with is a thin person. 

I am not sure if you implied this at all with the bold sentences, but I do not think all "fat admirers" seek a woman that will/wants to gain "excessive amounts of weight." That's not to mention that "excessive" is a term that can only be used on an individual basis. Your "excessive" definition will probably differ from mine.
Also, health risks are likely to rise with large amounts of weight gain, but it is certainly not guaranteed. Try to refrain from associating fat with health risks. You might find a whole new way of looking at things.
At a much lower weight, I can almost guarantee I'm less healthy than many of the higher weight people that attend this community. Why do I think that is? Lesser amounts of activity (like... none), bad eating habits, stress, mental fatigue, etc...



pepso said:


> In all honesty, most FAs are more than happy with a nice 200 pound range girl, just a bit more cushion for the pushin'. But even then, are we causing health problems in our partners? Even if we don't mean to? Are we forcing weight gain via psychological means? Then again, do we help self esteem? And pride in bodies despised by society?



Speak for yourself. I don't think I would be "more than happy" with a 200 pound woman, more or less than a 500 pound woman. It always depends on the person you are in a relationship with. Yes, physical persona matters a great deal to me, but it is not the only thing I require to be happy in a relationship. Speaking in entirely barbaric terms, the bigger the better - the more fat there is for me to caress, hold, enjoy, [enter other adjectives here], the better.
*Are we causing health problems in our partners of 200 pounds?* I find that question extremely difficult to answer. How is her health before you come into contact with her? How is her health the moment you come into contact with her? How is her health the days after you enter the relationship with her? How is her health many years down the road with her?
*Are we forcing weight gain via psychological means?* I think it is possible some people may want to gain weight to help assure their partner they want them to be happy and remain happy, but I don't think it happens very often. A person is going to do with their body what they want to do, depending on their frame of mind and worldly viewpoint. No, I would say we are _not_ forcing anything upon a partner unless we actually force them into such a situation or frame of mind (see: controlling, violent, abusive feeders). That's also not to mention that not all "fat admirers" require weight gain in their partners to remain happy or in a relationship with them. Again, you're talking about an individual basis. Each person is different and will have their own way of viewing something or doing something. Humans are not statistics and charts.
*Then again, do we help self esteem? And pride in bodies despised by society?* It is very possible that you will be assisting a partners sense of self worth just by admiring who they are as a person, inside and out, and reassuring that you love them for who they are, the way they are. Again, everyone is different and will respond differently, so that will change from person to person on how they respond to the way you attempt to help further their self image.



pepso said:


> My current relationship fits both sides, so its a good example. My girlfriend when I met her was 180 pounds and 5'3" amazing figure, she worked out and kept her body toned, had no cottage cheese thighs or dimples, but still had a nice hourglass figure, wide hips, a huge stomach, and a double chin. She is a recovering bulimic/anorexic, she told me she was in control, but still had self image issues, and looked for weight loss everywhere. When I met her, she hated her body horribly. When we began to get sexual, it took an entire hour of coaxing to get her naked (We were consensual, she just thought her body was hideous.) She told me I was the first one to ever see her naked in the light (And I was her 3rd sexual partner, her last relationship lasted about a year and a half on top of that!). I came out right there and told her what I was attracted to. We've been going out 3 months since. And in that time she has gained 22 pounds, and not due to any sort of coaxing by me, I only encouraged her to be comfortable with her current body. She became so comfortable, she dropped her exercise regimen, teased me with her stomach on a daily basis, etc. I'd be ecstatic about her comfort, and increase in weight. But she has bad asthma, weight gain is not the best thing for it, shes been having attacks on a more frequent basis. She plans to maintain her current weight, even though she planned to not gain 20 pounds, and after wards planned to work it off, which she noticed bothered me. I'm afraid I'll end up pushing this towards her continuing to gain weight. (I'm not a good influence already, I get turned on when she eats a lot and she loves to tease me with it, most of my libido is based on her weight, and shes aware of this.) Worst yet, whenever she mentions exercise or diet, as a joke or otherwise, I get a stress pain in my stomach and a ripping headache. She doesn't plan to go below 180, but the thought as a whole triggers this deep Freudian sexualized response. I feel like such an evil person that her doing something to live a happier more healthy life causes me so much anguish. However, I can't help but divulge in the thought of her getting even bigger, gaining another 20, and another. And I feel just as bad as those rapists because my mind is getting off on something that causes her problems. Shes still happy as can be, but shes got shitty, shitty medical history. I worry every night, but those worries always get overtaken with the demonic voice telling me to get her to gain more and more.
> 
> Now, I know this is wrong, I fight it, a lot, I tell her every day I'd love her no matter her body, I tell her I don't want her any bigger, I want her to be healthy, I do everything I can, but this pain, it shows that maybe someone with looser morals would act differently, maybe that person would rationalize convincing her to put on more, and more weight. So, while it can increase someone's confidence, it could overdo it, someone who doesn't have tight moral control can do very immoral shit.



I think it is wonderful that you have helped your partner stray from the bulimic mindset, especially if that is something (and I think it is) she wants. Forgive me for commenting on your relationship, but you presented your relationship as an example, so I think you want feedback and advice.
She is allowed to do with her body what she wants to do, and that includes losing weight. If she wants to gain weight because she enjoys seeing you happy, then that is fine. There is nothing wrong with that. She is an adult and can do as she wishes with her own self. If she does not enjoy it and is only doing so to keep you happy and/or keep you in the relationship, then I think that is toxic. It will begin to tear both of you apart via resentment and fatigue. It seems as though she enjoys being larger and enjoys partaking in that aspect of your sexual relationship with her. Through your words, that is obvious.
There are other ways of enjoying fat that do not include real weight gain or real fat. Stray into the Weight Board and the Story sections of this forum and you might find some examples. Role playing seems to be a major aspect of sexual representation. If two parties are comfortable with each other and desire to stimulate the other person, role playing is a very good way of going about things.
Also note that just because she has gained 20 pounds does not mean she is more or less healthy than what she was. Also note that exercise is not always a guarantee to lose weight in and of itself. It is very possible to exercise every day but still gain weight. Remaining active (walking, running, exercising) is a very important part of life (I think) and should be practiced (I think) by most people. Most people want to be active (in my experience and readings) anyway, so that's not something that should be cut out or compromised. She can still enjoy all the foods she wants and you can enjoy her through proxy of her exoskeleton.

This particular sentence has me viewing your situation on a different level: "I worry every night, but those worries always get overtaken with the demonic voice telling me to get her to gain more and more."
Get her to gain more and more? You're not this persons puppeteer. You do not have the right to control her and her body. That is the unhealthy aspect of being a "fat admirer." When you want to control someone and make their body your personal playground (especially without their will), I think there is a big problem. Though, rest assured, not all "fat admirers" are like that. Luckily, most are not, and many do not desire their partners to gain weight.
Personally, I am very attracted to women that want and do gain weight. The very basic root of this is 'the more fat the better.' Gaining weight means more fat to enjoy. But it's not a requirement in a relationship for me, especially when their are other ways of enjoying that person on an equal level or beyond.

*sigh* There's so much to comment on and not enough time...

Nothing is so black and white.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 30, 2008)

We actually have free will and the ability to do what WE want, despite being fat women. Believe it. You're not s Svengali - even without the evil intent. 

Since you brought up the FA term, but several parts of your post seem to lead me to believe you're not fully familiar with all that encompasses - these are threads you should read. They contain posts from real FAs, guys who know who they are and what they want. They contain posts from women who've dated and prefer FAs, as well as posts from women who don't want FAs. There are lots of good things here, and you _need to read them_ - please. 

*Some FA threads*:
Your First FA...
FA Sightings
FA Spirituality
When you Became an FA
An Ode to FAs Everywhere
Dear FAs in Hiding
FA Disaster Stories
Why "online FAs" miss out in real life
There are more around here, and maybe someone else can dig up a few - but really, read around. I know you're new and admitted to searching for nothing before posting, but there is a lot to learn here and some of your statements and thinking is just flawed. Learn more and find a way to be ok with something as simple as your own preference in a partner. 

It's akin to a gay man going to a gay forum and saying "by sleeping with gay men, aren't I encouraging their soul burning in hell?? What do we do about that? I love the gay sex, but the burning in hell that I'm causing, how do I still get off knowing I'm causing burning??"


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## olwen (Nov 30, 2008)

Pepso, the thing about your post that jumped out at me was the bits about you feeling like a rapist, a killer, or some other sort of corruptable being in regards to your girlfriend's weight. First off, we're not victims, and believe it or not, you are not responsible for what she does with her body. You are not responsible for what any fat person does with their body. You just don't have that kind of control over anybody's weight. Not even your girlfriend. That kind of thinking is also almost a big ole fuck you to people who are much bigger. But just so you know, it is possible to be fat and fit. It is possible to workout 30 mins, three times a week and not loose any weight. Your gf is anorexic/bullemic, and that issue goes beyond you. It's something she will have to deal with even if you break up and never see each other again. 

If her health would be better at a smaller weight then you need to get over your sexual feelings. If you love her you will want her to be healthy, and you would willingly set aside your libido for the time being. Offer to exercise with her, and do stuff like that. If you would prefer a smaller woman, as you say, then there is no problem right? Which leads me to my next thought. I think you need to figure out what you want. If health wasn't an issue for you I think you'd have absolutely no problem with wanting her to be much bigger and you wouldn't feel the least bit of guilt. It also sounds to me like there is no inbetween with you. Either she's chubby or she's much bigger. What's wrong with the inbetweens? If it's all good what difference does it make?

I do understand this FA guilt thing. I really do, but it never ceases to amaze me the way some of you think about your partner's fat. Sometimes I do think you all wish you could control it completely, make it do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. It just makes me glad that's not the case. Well, I hope I was helpful, if not, sorry.


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## olwen (Nov 30, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> We actually have free will and the ability to do what WE want, despite being fat women. Believe it. You're not s Svengali - even without the evil intent.
> 
> Since you brought up the FA term, but several parts of your post seem to lead me to believe you're not fully familiar with all that encompasses - these are threads you should read. They contain posts from real FAs, guys who know who they are and what they want. They contain posts from women who've dated and prefer FAs, as well as posts from women who don't want FAs. There are lots of good things here, and you _need to read them_ - please.
> 
> ...



Not for nothing AM, but I think this is another reason to have all those FA threads all in one place.


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## olwen (Nov 30, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> Also, Obese is a bit of a nasty-sounding word. It's often used in an attempt to sound medically accurate when it really has little medical validity, either its based on the BMI (which is crap), or it just means "excessively fat" and that varies widely on how much fat you think is excessive. It also just sounds icky. Obese is a grey, greasy, flavorless word. It sounds like something served up by a grim-faced woman at a Traditional Foods Festival that involves material like bees entrails and pig bladder.



Thank you! I hate that word too. I also can't stand chunky. It just doesn't sound sexy. Makes me cringe every time I hear it.


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## LalaCity (Nov 30, 2008)

Tooz said:


> You're ~willing to accept~ an obese partner?
> 
> What if an obese partner doesn't want to ~accept~ you? I found these words very problematic.



Three or four years around here and he'll be singing a different tune. Only SSBBWs, no "anorexic" 200 pounders for him, baybeee!!!!!!!!!





Sorry for the snark. That just seems to be the familiar refrain. The whole either/or (she's either "too big" or "too small") thing depresses me here as much as it does out in the skinny-lovin' world, I guess.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 30, 2008)

olwen said:


> Not for nothing AM, but I think this is another reason to have all those FA threads all in one place.



They are. I took that list from the "important threads" sticky at the top of the main board.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 30, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Three or four years around here and he'll be singing a different tune. Only SSBBWs, no "anorexic" 200 pounders for him, baybeee!!!!!!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Not to diminish what you're saying, if it bugs you it does... however, for me it's just never bothered me. I just think there's a pot for every lid and if someone is limiting themself in that way, then that's their choice and in all likelihood they've just made their search harder. But their choices never have an impact on me or who I am, so what do I care?

For every person (chicks do that, too) who boxes themselves in like that, there is another who's open to wide variants in mates, even if it's fat women but they generally like anywhere from 200-600lbs. That's still a HUGE variance, even if it is all basically different types of fat. 

I don't know, again... no reason for it not to bother you, just figured I'd share my POV.


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## ashmamma84 (Nov 30, 2008)

pepso said:


> In all honesty, most FAs are more than happy with a nice 200 pound range girl, just a bit more cushion for the pushin'. But even then, are we causing health problems in our partners? Even if we don't mean to? Are we forcing weight gain via psychological means? Then again, do we help self esteem? And pride in bodies despised by society?



Question - how do you know what most FAs prefer or desire? And another question - how would your desiring a fat chick cause her health problems? I personally don't do anything I don't want to -- simple as that. I'm a very healthy, able bodied fat chick. Don't believe the hype - fat is not a death sentence. There are healthy fit fat chicks - bbws/ssbbws, just as there are thin women who are out of shape...

As far as self esteem, I think that's a pretty personal thing. Even if you try to beat it into her head, or draw diagrams (fat+you=TEH HOT), if she's not feeling it, she's just not feeling it. Encouragement is nice and it's sweet, but until she truly believes that she's beautiful and just not accepting her fat, but embracing it, you might begin to feel as if it's head meet brick wall.


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## Jon Blaze (Nov 30, 2008)

Yea. Read the replies directing you to posts.

The desire for liking someone the way they are (Or even something about them) != encouraging them to change because you desire something that can be influenced and/or changed.


As for health: It's a very subjective thing, and while some people here are attracted to/encourage practices that might be unhealthy in a conventional sense, FA (AND BEING FAT.... stop DRINKING THE KOOL AID MANNN!) is not synonymous with that either. The term fat admirer is a superclass. It's an extremely broad category of concepts. In other words: Some do, and some don't. That's usually not an FA thing as much as it's something else, however.

Oh, and Fat admiration is neutral.


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## Ruby Ripples (Nov 30, 2008)

Tooz said:


> I am with you, honey. I just figured someone else would bring it up. I got mad cellulite. :|



yikes! sorry lol, the LOL Yup part was to you Tooz, the rest was to the OP, just realised it looked like Id put the whole post to you there!


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## olwen (Nov 30, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> They are. I took that list from the "important threads" sticky at the top of the main board.



I could swear that thread had additional stuff in it about how to use the forum. Good to know the FA threads are there tho. I'd have never thought to look. Thanks.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 30, 2008)

olwen said:


> I could swear that thread had additional stuff in it about how to use the forum. Good to know the FA threads are there tho. I'd have never thought to look. Thanks.




Different threads - one is the "how to/what is it" and the other is the "important threads". The latter has only one post and is locked, the mods add important threads as it becomes necessary.


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## B68 (Nov 30, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> LOL yup.....
> 
> 
> Now... what if she gets "cottage cheese" on her thighs, will that give you stress pains in your stomach too?QUOTE]
> ...


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## Tooz (Nov 30, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> yikes! sorry lol, the LOL Yup part was to you Tooz, the rest was to the OP, just realised it looked like Id put the whole post to you there!



Oh, nono! I was saying that to you in solidarity. Kind of "I tried to rep you buuuut" kind of thing, babe.


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## AnnMarie (Nov 30, 2008)

B68 said:


> Yup, i'm one of the few FA's who like cellulite and women over the shocking 200 pound barrier...




Trust me, there are many more than "a few" of you who fall into both categories.


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## B68 (Nov 30, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> Trust me, there are many more than "a few" of you who fall into both categories.



Oh, i trust you and i know. That's why the  came in


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## Ruby Ripples (Dec 1, 2008)

B68 said:


> Ruby Ripples said:
> 
> 
> > LOL yup.....
> ...


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## Victim (Dec 1, 2008)

I'm just going to paste the post I made on Curvage when people were ranting on about how preferring SSBBW was encouraging an unhealthy lifestyle.

_I might be a newbie here, but I think EVERYONE is missing the point.

I've been married to a SSBBW for 19 yrs now, and YES, I do worry that I'm going to lose her early due to health issues. I'm a BHM myself so I worry about it too.

Does that mean she doesn't deserved to be loved and admired for what she is by SOMEONE? The fact is, there are going to be 'morbidly obese' people around no matter if there is someone around to love them or not. There is no way you can call it an unhealthy relationship when two people love and support each other. SSBBWs need love too, and FAs need someone to love. 

We are all going to die eventually anyway, if we are not who we like being just because someone else thinks we should be something else then that life is wasted no matter if it is shortened by what we are. I'm not going to waste what time I do have on this Earth trying to be 'attracted' to women I'm not. I am going to love my wife and who she chooses to be as long as I can, because it makes us both happy. 

_


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2008)

i don't think being an FA is a bad thing at all. it just depends on the FA and how he expresses that--pretty much the same with any guy expressing his sexuality. if he is thoughtful and careful and puts the woman herself first there is nothing wrong with it at all. all of the teasing and playing around with his preference is a fun way to tweak sex etc...

the issue is when you allow the preference to take the drivers seat. the thing you have to ask yourself is whether you love the girl or the fat. the reason i say that is because you say that she knows and accepts that fat is basically what drives your libido. your young and its part of a learning curve but if the only thing that excites you about someone is thier physical presence then you might have a problem. that wouldn't make you a bad person though, just someone who is inexperienced. be sure you aren't brainwashing YOURSELF into believing that you are crazy about someone just because they really turn you on. 


it is true that some BBWs do brain wash themselves into accepting the kind of attention you'd give them. some women really hate thier bodies and being fat. they feel that no one will want them. i don't mean this to be rude but sometimes they kind of take what they think they can get rather than what they really want. and it seems that emotionally your girlfriend is still trying to find herself and her confidence as a woman. so if she feels she is getting approval from you because of her weight then she might just be doing something to please you thats not about her at all. you really have to be careful about that because some BBWs will accuse you of manipulating them once they have changed their minds about the weight or they gain way beyond the point where they ever wanted to go. they can also point the finger if you break up and there are bad feelings. if a worsening of health comes about, emotionally that would be a real horror story for you. i'm so glad you are concerned about the borders that should and should not be crossed. it says a lot that your worried for her health. be careful.

i don't know if having a relationship or being in love is your driver right now since you are pretty young. for a lot of people its a time for exploration and fun. and i'm not really sure what your looking for at the moment. but something tells me that since your still living in your parents home and only just about to go off to college that you have a lot more to experience and think about. since you aren't sure if your going to be with her forever you need to make sure you leave her pretty much as you found her if not better in terms of her health. 

loving her body is not something she can get through you. she has to come to it herself. all you can do is not to influence her negatively. i can't tell you how many women i know who chose to lose the weight because of the bad experiences they had with FAs who were still trying to find themselves. for them it was not worth enduring having fat they didn't want on their bodies in the first place. they should have never made the decision to keep it or gain it just because of an FA anyway. they should just become their true selves and then meet someone to share their lives with from there. 

the bad blood that can come about for FAs and BBWs has more to do with self knowledge on both sides. i guess its just like any other relationship in that way. just be sure that you allow her to be true to herself and vice versa for you. if you are doubting your influence on her and your feeling a bit guilty at times chances are you already know there isn't something quite right about it. go with your instincts and curtail influences you think could damage her. you are a smart guy and i'm sure you already know what those things are. if you do them even though you know deep down they are wrong then you would be a bad FA. if you really need someone to just fully fulfill your fantasies with you should do that with someone who can handle that physically, intellectually and emotionally. don't do it just because she is willing.


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2008)

B68 said:


> Ruby Ripples said:
> 
> 
> > LOL yup.....
> ...


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## pepso (Dec 1, 2008)

Tooz said:


> You're ~willing to accept~ an obese partner?
> 
> What if an obese partner doesn't want to ~accept~ you? I found these words very problematic.



yikes! I'm very prone to putting my foot in my mouth, so I apologize, I always screw up wording....

I meant I may not be as physically attracted to a more obese woman, but I would be fine with it if I was mentally attracted. I'd be HAPPY to love a woman of ANY size, that's what I was trying to say.

As for the comments about what I like in a woman, its not like I was trying to insult you by saying I wasn't attracted to cottage cheese thighs, I simply am not a fan of the feature.

Honestly by posting this here, where the majority of people are more interested in much larger partners, I've gained a better grasp on how much harder it must be to feel comfortable with one's preference as it departs further from societal normalcy. I honestly am not trying to say anything negative, and I posted this in a kind of shitty mood, so I'm very sorry.



lysh said:


> *I can't stand comments like this!!!* "..most FAs" - How do you know? Did you take a poll? A randomized sample of FAs? What makes you able to say "MOST FAs" are anything?
> 
> wtf ? :doh:



I would assume mostly based on the fact there are entire cultures on other continents with this preference, and within these cultures, the preference seems to be in that range. Your forgetting that in these cultures, women are fattened before marriage, and you would assume that if these cultures preferred women around 500 lbs, the women would be fattened to that size (then again, I'm not considering the shortages of food in these societies... but that shouldn't matter, since a woman of such a large size would be unheard of, what cannot be seen during development usually cannot become a sexual preference). I'm not pulling this one back because the majority of people on this board find preference elsewhere. I would assume a thorough survey of a large sample of the population of the world would support this, I may be wrong, but honestly I think its pretty likely based on that. (I'd be happy to debate this though if anyone has thorough knowledge on these cultures). Just the internet pornography scene itself is a testament. If there was a larger amount of the population who preferred SSBBW's to BBW's, it would be proportionally reflected online, just like if there was a larger proportion of gay porn than straight porn, it wouldn't be far fetched to state the internet community is more gay than straight. I'm not saying anything against anyone of that size, into that size, or associated somehow, so don't get pissed over it. I wouldn't have even posted here if I had a problem with ANY preference, body type, or ideal on this website, I just was thinking and wanted to see how the people here thought.



Chimpi said:


> I have so much to say... I will organize this as best as I possibly can.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I've always been better at verbally expressing a point, gives me a chance to clear up my mistakes. I clearly failed to mention concepts of love, I was a bit too forthright and black and white. I don't look for someone based on their body. That is the very LAST thing I look at with relationships, and the only way it would affect me is if I was completely unattracted to the person. Like I said, I meant I may not be attracted as much, but if there's love, its love. I see a relationship as a balance of three things, emotional, mental, and physical. If you don't run on a similar frequency on all three, there will be problems. No one wants a partner they find unintelligent, no one wants a partner they find insensitive, and no one wants a partner they find ugly. But fortunately, we all see these in relative lights, so most everyone should be able to find someone perfect for them. And I've started to release my preference to those around me, I just am not a fan of letting my family know. My best friends know this, my decent friends have basically picked up on it, and I've grown to accept it, and I don't care what they think. And when I live on my own, my family will eventually know, but if it becomes awkward, I still live here, and that is not fun.





Chimpi said:


> Keep in mind we have "twinky sized" members of this community. Try less to put a negative connotation mixed with your personal preference and more to openly accept that they are that body type. After all, the last thing I associate twinkies with is a thin person.



I always forget to take these things into account, and I knew there were smaller people here, hell I'm really slim myself. Once again, always find a way to put in that one word which is a bit too heated...



Chimpi said:


> I am not sure if you implied this at all with the bold sentences, but I do not think all "fat admirers" seek a woman that will/wants to gain "excessive amounts of weight." That's not to mention that "excessive" is a term that can only be used on an individual basis. Your "excessive" definition will probably differ from mine.



By excessive weight I meant to the point where health will become a large factor. And I didn't mean all FAs wanted that, but there may be some who wouldn't be too keen on their partners losing weight, not saying that any of you would be so horrible to force anyone into maintaining a physique they didn't see fit to, I'm saying the drive is there. I diverged on a tangent, and diverged on another one before I could really key into the details which I thought too obvious to post, so I'm sorry my assumptions only worked in my own mind. I need to clarify now, I'm saying throughout this, if say a health problem surfaces, the freudian sexual drive to maintain something found pleasurable may be able to overtake a morally weak person. If we consider it, is what we have a beast in its cage? Are we only able to contain evil urges through our free will? I'm asking if its under the skin more than if it normally actually happens. I was pondering if it were a moral dilemma, not a humanitarian one.



Chimpi said:


> Also, health risks are likely to rise with large amounts of weight gain, but it is certainly not guaranteed. Try to refrain from associating fat with health risks. You might find a whole new way of looking at things.
> At a much lower weight, I can almost guarantee I'm less healthy than many of the higher weight people that attend this community. Why do I think that is? Lesser amounts of activity (like... none), bad eating habits, stress, mental fatigue, etc...



I don't associate it always, god, health class in school pisses me off so much because it quotes ridiculous studies linking 20 extra pounds to cardiac disease. I don't associate fat with health risks, I associate extremely speedy gain of large amounts of weight with health risks. Because it is almost always caused by poor diet and lack of exercise. There's no such thing as a health guarantee, we're pretty lost when it comes to knowing what is good and what isn't (We still have no damn idea about eggs.). I know there are ways to maintain high weight with regular exercise, and healthy diet. I once more screwed up, haha, seeing a pattern? 



Chimpi said:


> Speak for yourself. I don't think I would be "more than happy" with a 200 pound woman, more or less than a 500 pound woman. It always depends on the person you are in a relationship with. Yes, physical persona matters a great deal to me, but it is not the only thing I require to be happy in a relationship. Speaking in entirely barbaric terms, the bigger the better - the more fat there is for me to caress, hold, enjoy, [enter other adjectives here], the better.
> *Are we causing health problems in our partners of 200 pounds?* I find that question extremely difficult to answer. How is her health before you come into contact with her? How is her health the moment you come into contact with her? How is her health the days after you enter the relationship with her? How is her health many years down the road with her?
> *Are we forcing weight gain via psychological means?* I think it is possible some people may want to gain weight to help assure their partner they want them to be happy and remain happy, but I don't think it happens very often. A person is going to do with their body what they want to do, depending on their frame of mind and worldly viewpoint. No, I would say we are _not_ forcing anything upon a partner unless we actually force them into such a situation or frame of mind (see: controlling, violent, abusive feeders). That's also not to mention that not all "fat admirers" require weight gain in their partners to remain happy or in a relationship with them. Again, you're talking about an individual basis. Each person is different and will have their own way of viewing something or doing something. Humans are not statistics and charts.
> *Then again, do we help self esteem? And pride in bodies despised by society?* It is very possible that you will be assisting a partners sense of self worth just by admiring who they are as a person, inside and out, and reassuring that you love them for who they are, the way they are. Again, everyone is different and will respond differently, so that will change from person to person on how they respond to the way you attempt to help further their self image.



I meant most, as in, majority of people with the preference, I really went with too little contrast there....
1. Yeah, this is true, but this was really broad, across the board, do we cause more good or bad in health?
2. I'd agree, but I've caught myself in a situation where a girl pretended to be cool with the concept in order to please me, as though I wouldn't have her any other way. I told her outright that when I found out that there she needs to do what she wants with her body, because its the only thing she has true control over. There are weak minded people, and some who can be convinced into gaining, losing, or maintaining weight by unspoken promise of higher self esteem, and happiness of their partners. I think this is the only thing I touched on which happens more often than not
3. Agreed, like your answer a lot. I've known people who would hate themselves even more if they were appreciated for what they currently were. But, I've actually made some people feel confident through it as well.



Chimpi said:


> I think it is wonderful that you have helped your partner stray from the bulimic mindset, especially if that is something (and I think it is) she wants. Forgive me for commenting on your relationship, but you presented your relationship as an example, so I think you want feedback and advice.
> She is allowed to do with her body what she wants to do, and that includes losing weight. If she wants to gain weight because she enjoys seeing you happy, then that is fine. There is nothing wrong with that. She is an adult and can do as she wishes with her own self. If she does not enjoy it and is only doing so to keep you happy and/or keep you in the relationship, then I think that is toxic. It will begin to tear both of you apart via resentment and fatigue. It seems as though she enjoys being larger and enjoys partaking in that aspect of your sexual relationship with her. Through your words, that is obvious.



I never tell her how to treat her body, its hers, and its all she can truly control. I am very happy with who she is as a person, she's the only person in my life who has convinced me to make conscious changes in my attitude and life, and I couldn't be happier.



Chimpi said:


> There are other ways of enjoying fat that do not include real weight gain or real fat. Stray into the Weight Board and the Story sections of this forum and you might find some examples. Role playing seems to be a major aspect of sexual representation. If two parties are comfortable with each other and desire to stimulate the other person, role playing is a very good way of going about things.



Funny you mentioned that, I've mentioned that to her, she's giving it some thought. 



Chimpi said:


> Also note that just because she has gained 20 pounds does not mean she is more or less healthy than what she was. Also note that exercise is not always a guarantee to lose weight in and of itself. It is very possible to exercise every day but still gain weight. Remaining active (walking, running, exercising) is a very important part of life (I think) and should be practiced (I think) by most people. Most people want to be active (in my experience and readings) anyway, so that's not something that should be cut out or compromised. She can still enjoy all the foods she wants and you can enjoy her through proxy of her exoskeleton.



This isn't a health problem associated with diet or exercise as much as it is associated with her size. Asthma can be effected by size, a larger volume means more oxygen is needed, more oxygen means more stress on the lungs. The stress causes attacks. She also didn't gain the weight by choice really, shes always had a bad metabolism, she just stopped exercising after summer, and tended to eat a bit more. She isn't happy with it, but she doesn't mind nearly as much as she would have, and seems more content at her current weight



Chimpi said:


> This particular sentence has me viewing your situation on a different level: "I worry every night, but those worries always get overtaken with the demonic voice telling me to get her to gain more and more."
> Get her to gain more and more? You're not this persons puppeteer. You do not have the right to control her and her body. That is the unhealthy aspect of being a "fat admirer." When you want to control someone and make their body your personal playground (especially without their will), I think there is a big problem. Though, rest assured, not all "fat admirers" are like that. Luckily, most are not, and many do not desire their partners to gain weight.



I know, it isn't like I divulge in those thoughts, its the fact they are there, that they can affect a change in my thought. I do not want to do that to her, and I do not let myself do it. I know they are wrong, and I ignore their influence on everything but my mental state, but I'm working on it. I would never let myself do something someone isn't happy with, especially not act as a puppeteer, its beyond my morals. If you can't tell, I buy into psychoanalytic psychology, I believe we are motivated a lot by our aggressive and sexual tendencies, and all of this is repressed by our social values. I try to repress primal thoughts like these every way possible, it isn't something I like to think.



Chimpi said:


> Personally, I am very attracted to women that want and do gain weight. The very basic root of this is 'the more fat the better.' Gaining weight means more fat to enjoy. But it's not a requirement in a relationship for me, especially when their are other ways of enjoying that person on an equal level or beyond.
> 
> *sigh* There's so much to comment on and not enough time...



I don't see any physical requirements in relationships other than a similar age, and the opposite gear between the legs. Mentality behind the person is usually so much more than what they look like.

I like your response a lot, you seemed to try to look past a lot of the stupid mistakes I made and saw a bit of what I was trying to say. Never been too great at communication, I'll stick to math and forget about a nice job as a sales rep.

So altogether, I'm sorry so much was lost in translation guys... I've gotten a lot of people pissed at me by making the same foot in mouth fuck ups. I'm too analytical at times and try to apply how I talk about science and politics towards my psychological thoughts. To summarize my mistakes quickly.

I did not mean to imply/say:
-That ANYONE here does not have free will, complex thought process, or virtues. It was a statement of morality that the thoughts exist, I didn't mean to imply the actions associated with the thoughts were prevalent.
-That ANYONE here is ugly, or unhealthy based on their size. Beauty is relative, I was disclosing my preference, and not stating reality, I mean really, everyone here knows by saying something is beautiful or ugly doesn't make it objectively reasoned. I didn't mean to insult anyone
-That ANYONE here is cruel enough to pursue their sexual drives all the way to anything non-consensual, I was stating the fact it can exist in our minds.
-Probably a lot more I missed, or didn't read because I was too embarrassed by how bad my post was in review.... I'm sorry.

I do have a lot to learn, and a big part of this was trying to see how close I was to where I thought I was, I see the results as rather embarrassing. I missed the board completely. I'd love to productively talk to anyone willing to privately talk to me. If you'd like to I'd love to be reached at my e-mail ([email protected]) or by private message. I apologize once again for my ability to gap as much as Sarah Palin. (And since I've pissed off enough people already, if you're a republican just fill that in with Joe Biden, had enough politics for one season...)


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## Victim (Dec 1, 2008)

Nothing like a big juicy peach in the middle of lucious mounds of cottage cheese...


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## pepso (Dec 1, 2008)

Victim said:


> Nothing like a big juicy peach in the middle of lucious mounds of cottage cheese...



This metaphor needs a much better lumpy sort of food on the outside, that combo isn't nearly as tasty as what you're describing


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2008)

i think georgia peaches make anything better myself


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## pepso (Dec 1, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i think georgia peaches make anything better myself



They are quite delicious, but nectarines aren't as hairy, and just as tasty.


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## olwen (Dec 1, 2008)

I could use some juicy nectar right about now...oh wait, wrong metaphor. :blushes:


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## pepso (Dec 1, 2008)

olwen said:


> I could use some juicy nectar right about now...









Do I even have to say anything?​


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## olwen (Dec 1, 2008)

pepso said:


> Do I even have to say anything?​



Wait - what?


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## pepso (Dec 1, 2008)

olwen said:


> Wait - what?



You don't watch the office I'm guessing, and I hate explaining jokes.


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## olwen (Dec 1, 2008)

pepso said:


> You don't watch the office I'm guessing, and I hate explaining jokes.



I watch the office, but I don't get the joke.


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## pepso (Dec 1, 2008)

olwen said:


> I watch the office, but I don't get the joke.



That's what she said! Come on, wasn't it obvious a bit, a little?


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## olwen (Dec 1, 2008)

pepso said:


> That's what she said! Come on, wasn't it obvious a bit, a little?



Sorry, whatever it was, it went right over my head.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 1, 2008)

Michael uses that as a joke all the time... "That's what she said".... I think he was going off the last comment about the peach juice or whatever... then saying "that's what she said"... 

I got it.


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## pepso (Dec 1, 2008)

olwen said:


> Sorry, whatever it was, it went right over my head.



We all have those moments. :happy:


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## olwen (Dec 1, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> Michael uses that as a joke all the time... "That's what she said".... I think he was going off the last comment about the peach juice or whatever... then saying "that's what she said"...
> 
> I got it.



Oooohhh. Oh? Oh. I guess I don't pay that much attention to his character as everybody else. :blush:


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## EtobicokeFA (Dec 2, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i don't think being an FA is a bad thing at all. it just depends on the FA and how he expresses that--pretty much the same with any guy expressing his sexuality. if he is thoughtful and careful and puts the woman herself first there is nothing wrong with it at all. all of the teasing and playing around with his preference is a fun way to tweak sex etc...
> 
> the issue is when you allow the preference to take the drivers seat. the thing you have to ask yourself is whether you love the girl or the fat. the reason i say that is because you say that she knows and accepts that fat is basically what drives your libido. your young and its part of a learning curve but if the only thing that excites you about someone is thier physical presence then you might have a problem. that wouldn't make you a bad person though, just someone who is inexperienced. be sure you aren't brainwashing YOURSELF into believing that you are crazy about someone just because they really turn you on.
> 
> ...



You say that some BBWs do brain wash themselves into accepting the kind of attention FA give them, and that some women really hate their bodies and being fat. they feel that no one will want them. And, suggest that FAs are unable to pro-actively help BBWs love their body. This is has more to do with the generalisation and misunderstanding of FAs, then anything else. 

Yes, I know being a FA, makes this statement kind of basis, but I do believe that FA (dont' all think with our third leg and) can separate their fantasies from the needs and the wellbeing of their partner and provide a postive influence for helping BBW love their bodies. Besides, don't BBWs find postive influence in the female friends? Is there really a difference between that and a male lover. 

Let me just end by getting on my soapbox and say. "FAs should be thought off, and allow themselves as predestrians in the SA movement. "


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## superodalisque (Dec 2, 2008)

pepso said:


> They are quite delicious, but nectarines aren't as hairy, and just as tasty.



i'm not hairy!!!! how dare you!


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## duhast234 (Dec 2, 2008)

Is FA a good or bad thing?

Is not being an FA a good or bad thing?

Neither to both. Its a preference. Is liking a green apple opposed to a red apple a bad thing? OR preferring spring to autumn?


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## superodalisque (Dec 2, 2008)

EtobicokeFA said:


> You say that some BBWs do brain wash themselves into accepting the kind of attention FA give them, and that some women really hate their bodies and being fat. they feel that no one will want them. And, suggest that FAs are unable to pro-actively help BBWs love their body. This is has more to do with the generalisation and misunderstanding of FAs, then anything else.
> 
> Yes, I know being a FA, makes this statement kind of basis, but I do believe that FA (dont' all think with our third leg and) can separate their fantasies from the needs and the wellbeing of their partner and provide a postive influence for helping BBW love their bodies. Besides, don't BBWs find postive influence in the female friends? Is there really a difference between that and a male lover.
> 
> Let me just end by getting on my soapbox and say. "FAs should be thought off, and allow themselves as predestrians in the SA movement. "



i don't feel FAs are unable to be a positive influence on BBWs. there is nothing wrong with being supportive. but what i'm saying is that its a mistake for any woman to get all of her self worth from male sexual attention. and its often the tendency of women in a relationship to try and please the man she is with. she has to be able to look at herself directly and not through the eyes of others.

FAs definitely don't need to stand aside when it comes to SA. but there is a big difference from working seriously in SA and approaching a woman with a lack of self confidence from a romantic or fat fan perspective. an FA can be supportive but he can't do the internal work for her. a lot of FAs have wonderful intentions but sometimes they try and save people. also sometimes their own weight bias can color the advice they might give to a woman. it might not even be something they intend to do but it can come out in subconscious and subtle ways that he doesn't even recognize.

support from females friends is different because other BBWs understand all of the issues intimately that even the most well meaning FAs only get second hand. also BBWs don't look to other women for their sexual validation unless they are lesbians or bi. i can't presume to speak to that since i'm not one but i'm sure one of my lesbian sisters can comment. but even then a woman needs to be able to stand on her own two feet when it comes to her own opinions. relying on friends too much can be sometimes be a trap as well. she has to truly feel her own emotions without outside influence.

i feel that FAs should keep plugging and keep being supportive of their friends and loved ones, but they should also know where and when to tread lightly. you really wouldn't want someone you care about to feel crippled and incapable of personal growth without you.


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## StrawberryShortcake (Dec 2, 2008)

Bad! Very bad! And neurotic, usually. Not like me at all. I'm purrrr-fect!


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## EtobicokeFA (Dec 3, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i don't feel FAs are unable to be a positive influence on BBWs. there is nothing wrong with being supportive. but what i'm saying is that its a mistake for any woman to get all of her self worth from male sexual attention. and its often the tendency of women in a relationship to try and please the man she is with. she has to be able to look at herself directly and not through the eyes of others.
> 
> FAs definitely don't need to stand aside when it comes to SA. but there is a big difference from working seriously in SA and approaching a woman with a lack of self confidence from a romantic or fat fan perspective. an FA can be supportive but he can't do the internal work for her. a lot of FAs have wonderful intentions but sometimes they try and save people. also sometimes their own weight bias can color the advice they might give to a woman. it might not even be something they intend to do but it can come out in subconscious and subtle ways that he doesn't even recognize.
> 
> ...



I agree with you for the most part, and I agree that ideally a BBW should have access to other women perferably a BBW to help her through this. But unfortunately, this is sometimes not a ideal world, and there are situations where the FA is the woman's only contact with the SA world. 

Yes, I know alot of people will say that this has the protental for abuse, however alot FAs are out there become a sort of gateway to the SA world, and try to provide some kind of encouragment and support to atleast get the BBW up to the starting line for the woman's journey into that world. 

And, I am just saying that these FAs should atleast get the tools they need to deal with this.


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## superodalisque (Dec 3, 2008)

EtobicokeFA said:


> I agree with you for the most part, and I agree that ideally a BBW should have access to other women perferably a BBW to help her through this. But unfortunately, this is sometimes not a ideal world, and there are situations where the FA is the woman's only contact with the SA world.
> 
> Yes, I know alot of people will say that this has the protental for abuse, however alot FAs are out there become a sort of gateway to the SA world, and try to provide some kind of encouragment and support to atleast get the BBW up to the starting line for the woman's journey into that world.
> 
> ...




that sounds good. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. being a gateway to more info is great. but the op was really talking about how he and his wishes re: his preference affected his gf inside of a relationship.


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## EtobicokeFA (Dec 3, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> that sounds good. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. being a gateway to more info is great. but the op was really talking about how he and his wishes re: his preference affected his gf inside of a relationship.



And, to some that is what we are talking about. Depending on what are his wishes and how he decide to act upon them, in relation to the well being of the other party, and more the responses from the other party. 

However, I have to admit sadly, that no matter if the FA underlying intentions are good or bad for the other person, that person's reaction to it, may challenge the relationship. So, we just have to go by the what the underlying intentions are.


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## superodalisque (Dec 3, 2008)

EtobicokeFA said:


> And, to some that is what we are talking about. Depending on what are his wishes and how he decide to act upon them, in relation to the well being of the other party, and more the responses from the other party.
> 
> However, I have to admit sadly, that no matter if the FA underlying intentions are good or bad for the other person, that person's reaction to it, may challenge the relationship. So, we just have to go by the what the underlying intentions are.



underlying intentions are one thing but actual actions are important as well. he might intend to be supportive but its possible that his personal wants could leave her in a place physically where she does not want to be. he admitted that himself. he may intend just to boost her self esteem about being fat but it could lead to her becoming something she really doesn't want to be. i think he should just give her any info he has and trust her do her own research. 

he also has very specific ideas about what he finds attractive. what if she gets the cottage cheese thighs and he leaves because of that? whats that going to do for her self esteem? its really hard for people t moderate exactly how fat they get and stop it at the exact right stage for someone's personal preference. at that point she will even be too fat for a guy who likes "fat " girls. its very tricky. i think its better to just tell her that she is beautiful, caress her curves, and make love to her like a champ without so much emphasis on preference. she'll feel more like a woman who is wanted and that will do more for her confidence than feeling like a "preference".


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## EtobicokeFA (Dec 4, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> underlying intentions are one thing but actual actions are important as well. he might intend to be supportive but its possible that his personal wants could leave her in a place physically where she does not want to be. he admitted that himself. he may intend just to boost her self esteem about being fat but it could lead to her becoming something she really doesn't want to be. i think he should just give her any info he has and trust her do her own research.
> 
> he also has very specific ideas about what he finds attractive. what if she gets the cottage cheese thighs and he leaves because of that? whats that going to do for her self esteem? its really hard for people t moderate exactly how fat they get and stop it at the exact right stage for someone's personal preference. at that point she will even be too fat for a guy who likes "fat " girls. its very tricky. i think its better to just tell her that she is beautiful, caress her curves, and make love to her like a champ without so much emphasis on preference. she'll feel more like a woman who is wanted and that will do more for her confidence than feeling like a "preference".



Sorry to be so argumentative, but I feel I need to respond to this again. 

First we shouldn't stop all FAs from helping out BBWs, because we assume that they are going to let their sexual preferences, supersede how they value the welfare of and the love for their partner. 

Secondly, we are assume that all people will do the research on SA before past judgement on it. Remember to some people SA is still though of as just a group of people who quit trying to take care of themselves, and be in self-denial. Sometimes people need to be convinced to look go back and take a serious look at it. 

Yes, we can fill up this thread agruing the systematics. But, we have to argee that sometimes your love one really doesn't want to do something, even thought everyone know it for their best. If you are FA in this situation, should you wait until a women come in evaluate the situation and argees. Men can do it if it was something like a gambling problem. But, since this has sexual twist to it, suddenly there is a concern.


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## Blockierer (Dec 6, 2008)

Maybe applied mathematics can help us to clarify this interesting discussion:

FA + (SS)BBW = good 
FA + NonBBW = bad 
NonFA + (SS)BBW = bad 
NonFA + NonBBW = NoTopicHere :bow:


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## pepso (Dec 6, 2008)

Blockierer said:


> Maybe applied mathematics can help us to clarify this interesting discussion:
> 
> FA + (SS)BBW = good
> FA + NonBBW = bad
> ...



How about related rates..... (&#960; is the closest thing to pi I could find...)

If a BBW's belly acts as a perfect sphere, and due to her constant eating her volume increases at a rate of 325&#960; cubic inches per week, how fast is her radius increasing at the moment when her radius is 25 inches? Apply this answer to determine her radius 2 months after her radius was 25 inches.


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## JoeFA (Dec 6, 2008)

pepso said:


> Do I even have to say anything?​



Yes.....that would help


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## JoeFA (Dec 6, 2008)

pepso said:


> In all honesty, most FAs are more than happy with a nice 200 pound range girl, just a bit more cushion for the pushin'. But even then, are *we* causing health problems in our partners? Even if *we* don't mean to? Are *we* forcing weight gain via psychological means? Then again, do *we* help self esteem? And pride in bodies despised by society?
> 
> But then again, what type of lusting doesn't cause problems? Am I just pointing out something that is mirrored in all sexualities? You decide, lets see what you think!



I like, well not like, more find amusing, how you use the collective noun *we* in your so-called arguement. Now, maybe i'm confused a little, it seems to me that you are the same, or categorize yourself similarly enough, as the FAs you are criticising, for may i point out stupid and ill-founded things.

Now if you are in fact doing this, then your effectively criticising yourself for doing as you are supposedly doing with this girl, supah-toned but still with a huge belly? Are you frigging kidding me? And to even be associating yourself with that is either idiotic or an attempt to make yourself be "one of the gang". 

Collective noun or not, you are not going to win any favours and "get into the gang" by insulting others on untrue terms and saying that we may be, though unintentionally, trying to hurt the women we date or are married to.

Seriously, thats just hilarious if you think your making a valid or appealing point.

And in view of your final point, what lustings don't cause problems?

Well, erm, if i think really really REALLY hard, maybe ones that work for both of the persons involved? Wow, now that was hard thinking there....phew....really was tiring.

And what do you mean mirrored in all sexualities, your not talking about the rules of the first date here, are you!?!?

Your talking about a very complicated topic, which happens to only fall into the category of FAs and BBWs having a relationship.


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## superodalisque (Dec 6, 2008)

EtobicokeFA said:


> Sorry to be so argumentative, but I feel I need to respond to this again.
> 
> First we shouldn't stop all FAs from helping out BBWs, because we assume that they are going to let their sexual preferences, supersede how they value the welfare of and the love for their partner.
> 
> ...



np its cool to disagree. i'm just addressing the valid concerns that the op had about himself and it seems that he worries that he can push some of his wants on her. i don't think every FA would but i definitely think he should be conscious that he could--especially if he is already noticing that it could be possible.

sure FAs can help as i said before. i'd never want to stop all FAs from helping. i just think its important that they should be conscious and realize that what they say or do could possibly be a double edged sword. being in a relationship with someone and helping them is really complex. sometimes when someone has a problem the last person who is able to really help is the closest person to them. its not because they don't want to do the right thing but because they do have their own interests in the situation. sometimes their interests might even be counter to that of the BBW. there are a lot of FAs who have said flat that they would leave a woman if she lost weight. if the weight is something thats really not for her it would be very difficult for her to make that choice in that situation even if she has health problems. i know someone personally who have been in that situation and was in immediate danger of losing her life and her partner still opposed it. i'm not saying that thats every case but also it can happen with issues that aren't as extreme. i'm just saying that if someone has a gambling problem you wouldn't bring in the loan shark to help them with it. even if the loan shark was a good person and wanted to help, if things went awry the person with the problem would still try and make it the loan shark's fault that she had a gambling problem. the best thing would be for the gambler to admit she has a problem and find her own help. and when i say problem i'm not talking about admitting that carrying a lot of weight is bad(which i don't believe). i'm talking about honestly finding out why she isn't comfortable with herself.


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## superodalisque (Dec 6, 2008)

Blockierer said:


> Maybe applied mathematics can help us to clarify this interesting discussion:
> 
> FA + (SS)BBW = good
> FA + NonBBW = bad
> ...




i luv you blockie but i have to disagree. my NonFA+SSBBW experiences have been awesome including a really good 15 yr relationship. so no BBW should limit herself. no BBW should believe that ONLY an FA will love and appreciate her. no BBW should think that only FAs will find her physically attractive. BBWs are beautiful to a lot of people and they are not freaks that only a few find beautiful. don't believe the hype!:kiss2:


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## olwen (Dec 6, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i luv you blockie but i have to disagree. my NonFA+SSBBW experiences have been awesome including a really good 15 yr relationship. so no BBW should limit herself. no BBW should believe that ONLY an FA will love and appreciate her. no BBW should think that only FAs will find her physically attractive. BBWs are beautiful to a lot of people and they are not freaks that only a few find beautiful. don't believe the hype!:kiss2:



I guess your experiences have just been different from mine. Non FAs just aren't interested in me sexually. I like the kind of enthusiasm for sex with a fat partner that FAs offer. The sexual component is important to me. To be with someone who would lack that or who would need to be convinced or who would have to be converted...I don't want to have to wait for a guy to get to know me to be attracted to me. I'd rather he were *even more* attracted to me after he got to know me. Give me an FA any day.


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## elle camino (Dec 6, 2008)

not to sound too terribly negative about it (heh), but FA or not doesn't really make much of a difference to me personally since i appear to occupy that weird hinterland of too fat for a non-FA, and not fat in the correct ways for an FA. so it's neither a good or bad thing from my perspective - it's just a thing.
i definitely WANT to believe SuperO's point of view on the subject, and i have no reason to doubt the veracity of her experiences with non-FAs, but it's just not at all what i've encountered myself. 
oh well.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 6, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i luv you blockie but i have to disagree. my NonFA+SSBBW experiences have been awesome including a really good 15 yr relationship. so no BBW should limit herself. no BBW should believe that ONLY an FA will love and appreciate her. no BBW should think that only FAs will find her physically attractive. BBWs are beautiful to a lot of people and they are not freaks that only a few find beautiful. don't believe the hype!:kiss2:



I just need to be perfectly clear about this, in case anyone would think that. 

I do NOT want an FA because I believe I'm a freak that only a few would want (nor do I believe FAs are men who want or view the women the find attractive as such). I want an FA because I'm a proud, beautiful, confident, fat woman who knows what SHE wants and my own experiences with FAs (and non) have left me wanting only FAs. 

Would I be open a convert? Sure. But he'd have to treat, touch, talk, respect, desire, react to me in all the ways I'm accustomed in order for me to be comfortable and happy with him. And, frankly, if he's doing all those things I want, he's an FA... whether he chooses the label or not. 

Whatever anyone wants is totally fine by me, and it should go both ways. But I just couldn't read that and leave any question that that's how "I", as a loudly professed FA-wanter, feel about myself or my choice in a mate.


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## Blockierer (Dec 7, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> i luv you blockie but i have to disagree. my NonFA+SSBBW experiences have been awesome including a really good 15 yr relationship. so no BBW should limit herself. no BBW should believe that ONLY an FA will love and appreciate her. no BBW should think that only FAs will find her physically attractive. BBWs are beautiful to a lot of people and they are not freaks that only a few find beautiful. don't believe the hype!:kiss2:



In my experience indeed most hetero men prefer slim or light chubby women, maybe 10% prefer fat women. 
There are also men who do not have a special preference regarding the size of their lovergirl - theiy can love women of all sizes. I think your 15 yr relationship boy was one of them who belongs to the group of men who can love all sizes. 
I don't believe an SSBBW can be happy with a man who dreams of sex with thin women.


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## superodalisque (Dec 7, 2008)

olwen said:


> I guess your experiences have just been different from mine. Non FAs just aren't interested in me sexually. I like the kind of enthusiasm for sex with a fat partner that FAs offer. The sexual component is important to me. To be with someone who would lack that or who would need to be convinced or who would have to be converted...I don't want to have to wait for a guy to get to know me to be attracted to me. I'd rather he were *even more* attracted to me after he got to know me. Give me an FA any day.



most of the people i date come up to me because they are attracted in the first place. so i wouldn't understand if someone had get to know me before they were attracted in the physical sense. i can say that the experiences i've had with non FAs have been very passionate since i'm the kind of person who is attracted to romance and passion. i could never forego that. thats why fwb isn't really for me. one thing someone told me once was that one of the reasons he was attracted to me was because i didn't act as though he wouldn't be. its true that i dont now all of the ins and outs with FAs but at this point i haven't seen any real difference in that respect. i wonder if its expectations that come into play?


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## superodalisque (Dec 7, 2008)

Blockierer said:


> In my experience indeed most hetero men prefer slim or light chubby women, maybe 10% prefer fat women.
> There are also men who do not have a special preference regarding the size of their lovergirl - theiy can love women of all sizes. I think your 15 yr relationship boy was one of them who belongs to the group of men who can love all sizes.
> I don't believe an SSBBW can be happy with a man who dreams of sex with thin women.



yes he did love all sizes. your right, i wouldn't want to be with someone who is dreaming of something else altogether--or even someone else. i could never have handled that. i'm waaay too sensitive. that would include a guy who was dreaming of someone fatter than me. but i think the bell curve works in all women's favor equally. i think there are 10% who want only fat women, 10% who want only thin women. then the rest fall somewhere in between. so thats a full 90% of men who have the potential. i think the main reason some men run from the thought of being with fat women is social. they are expected not to like us and even when they say something positive about a fat woman they are often made to back peddle. i'm just saying that as a woman i don't really think men in general find me disgusting as an ssbbw. the very same guys who have pressured some of my dates have actually tried to date me or sleep with me themselves on the sly. when i model for art classes after the initial shock of the new i find a lot of curiousity and budding sexual interest. 

i think a lot of men have been pretty much been brainwashed. a lot of them have never seen a confident BBW nude. hardly any have seen any BBW presented in a positive light. and it takes guys a long time to come into themselves in terms of confidence sometimes. thats why the same guys who ran from fat girls when they were young are running after them as they get older. they are less likely to take much stock in anything their pals say anymore. also older men have more experience of fat women in general since many have been married to women who've gotten bigger and some find they actually prefer it. most of the women i know who are married are fat and were that way when they were married. but basically it all depends on how grown up and self actualized the man in question is. a lot of the problems men have with BBWs has nothing to do with thier potential for sexual attraction to them. 

there are a lot of fat women who never needed dims and never found dims and never felt unattractive. i was one of those women until i found this place by accident. for me personally i'm glad i didn't know about this when i was young or i might have an entirely different opinion of myself. a lot of the women i know would even feel that dims was unnecessary. some of the men i know wouldn't be interested in dims because they've said (not my opinion okay) they got the impression that the women here were desperate and didn't have good self esteem. and, they didn't want to spend all of their time dealing with that in a woman. so i never judge how available men are from dims. i think it would be a big mistake. there is a certain bias here that doesn't bear out in real life. its not every man who is wishing for a thin woman. the huge numbers of men who come here and don't ever post, and look at all the websites ( BBW porn and websites are 3rd in popularity, thats after hetereosexual and gay!) should tell us something.

PS: Blockie, i understand why you have the opinion that you do since you live in europe, but i can tell you personally there are even tons of pent up FAs ( and men who are attracted to all women) all over europe as well.


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## superodalisque (Dec 7, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> I just need to be perfectly clear about this, in case anyone would think that.
> 
> I do NOT want an FA because I believe I'm a freak that only a few would want (nor do I believe FAs are men who want or view the women the find attractive as such). I want an FA because I'm a proud, beautiful, confident, fat woman who knows what SHE wants and my own experiences with FAs (and non) have left me wanting only FAs.
> 
> ...




nothing to disagree with about that i was just addressing people who think it can't happen because they are afraid that no one else would be attracted to them. i just don't ever want BBWs to sell themselves short. its absolutely thier choice in terms of exactly who they chose to be with.


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## olwen (Dec 7, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> most of the people i date come up to me because they are attracted in the first place. so i wouldn't understand if someone had get to know me before they were attracted in the physical sense. i can say that the experiences i've had with non FAs have been very passionate since i'm the kind of person who is attracted to romance and passion. i could never forego that. thats why fwb isn't really for me. one thing someone told me once was that one of the reasons he was attracted to me was because i didn't act as though he wouldn't be. its true that i dont now all of the ins and outs with FAs but at this point i haven't seen any real difference in that respect. i wonder if its expectations that come into play?



It could be, but I know from too many painful experiences that even when I don't have expectations nonFAs are still not interested. Believe me it's not for lack of trying. They just don't respond the way FAs do.


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## superodalisque (Dec 7, 2008)

olwen said:


> It could be, but I know from too many painful experiences that even when I don't have expectations nonFAs are still not interested. Believe me it's not for lack of trying. They just don't respond the way FAs do.



maybe its a southern thaing people down south tend to like some meat.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 7, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> maybe its a southern thaing people down south tend to like some meat.




They even have to have some fatback in the beans and greens....they better be loving on some of the big ones......


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## tonynyc (Dec 7, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> They even have to have some fatback in the beans and greens....they better be loving on some of the big ones......



Don't forget the Hot Sauce :eat2: :eat1:


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 7, 2008)

tonynyc said:


> Don't forget the Hot Sauce :eat2: :eat1:



Dang...what a time to be "out of rep" Tony because you sure deserve some


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## tonynyc (Dec 7, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dang...what a time to be "out of rep" Tony because you sure deserve some



What's a thread coming to if we don't bring some Hot Sauce


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## Littleghost (Dec 7, 2008)

Victim said:


> I'm just going to paste the post I made on Curvage when people were ranting on about how preferring SSBBW was encouraging an unhealthy lifestyle.
> 
> _I might be a newbie here, but I think EVERYONE is missing the point.
> 
> ...



My Rep Bowl runneth dry.  Assistance is needed please!


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## Carrie (Dec 7, 2008)

Littleghost said:


> My Rep Bowl runneth dry.  Assistance is needed please!


Got him for you (and me).


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