# Thread for commentary about the BBW Fantasy thread.



## Fascinita (Jul 25, 2009)

ksandru said:


> I can honestly say that I have married the love of my life and my soulmate.



I think that, in spite of my seriously independent streak and of having made it to 40 without once having married (I was "in talks" with a fellow long ago, but we eventually went our separate ways), I've always wanted a "love of my life and soulmate." Call me foolishly romantic.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jul 25, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> I think that, in spite of my seriously independent streak and of having made it to 40 without once having married (I was "in talks" with a fellow long ago, but we eventually went our separate ways), I've always wanted a "love of my life and soulmate." Call me foolishly romantic.




I don't think that's foolish at all. Do you beleive that a person can have only one soulmate?


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## Fascinita (Jul 25, 2009)

fatgirlflyin said:


> I don't think that's foolish at all. Do you beleive that a person can have only one soulmate?



No. I think life just doesn't work that way. When I was 20, for example, I fell in love with a guy whom I believed to be a soulmate. Eventually he and I grew apart. Since then I've experienced those feelings of "soulmate" with one or two other people. I do tend to monogamy, though, so I don't know that I could simultaneously feel that about more than one person at a time.


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## fatgirlflyin (Jul 25, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> No. I think life just doesn't work that way. When I was 20, for example, I fell in love with a guy whom I believed to be a soulmate. Eventually he and I grew apart. Since then I've experienced those feelings of "soulmate" with one or two other people. I do tend to monogamy, though, so I don't know that I could simultaneously feel that about more than one person at a time.




yeah, I met my first soulmate when I was 5 years old, of course I didn't know it then, he was just some boy with cooties. 

We pretty much grew up together, probably should have married each other but it didn't happen that way. I feel that he person I'm with now is my soulmate as well. There is no one in the world, save from the first person, who knows me as well as he does.


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## Fascinita (Jul 25, 2009)

fatgirlflyin said:


> There is no one in the world, save from the first person, who knows me as well as he does.



I think it's that feeling of being known and accepted that feels so good. It's like being home.


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## katherine22 (Jul 25, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> No. I think life just doesn't work that way. When I was 20, for example, I fell in love with a guy whom I believed to be a soulmate. Eventually he and I grew apart. Since then I've experienced those feelings of "soulmate" with one or two other people. I do tend to monogamy, though, so I don't know that I could simultaneously feel that about more than one person at a time.



Fascinitia, You are right. Life doesn't work that way. Meeting a soulmate is a romantic notion of youth where it has the best chance of happening. Life is good, soulmate or no soulmate.


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## crayola box (Jul 28, 2009)

troubadours said:


> i'm dating him
> 
> 
> 
> ...



aww that picture is just too adorable, and that hat is awesome!


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## bigsexy920 (Jul 28, 2009)

Hasnt everyone done this - Am I the only one? 


Just kidding - that hot - bur a few too many people for me 


BarbBBW said:


> Well, i am married, so I do have that friend,lover, and the man of my dreams!
> 
> BUT, My fantasy is quite different.
> My wildest fantasy would be me with atleast 2 gorgeous bbws and atleast 4 men. The men would be complete FA's of course. 2 of the the men would be white and 2 would be darker skinned. Body wise for the men, 1 thin guy, 1 bhm, 1 muscle man type, and 1 average guy. All handsome , affectionate, well endowed and long lasting in bed.
> ...


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## fatgirlflyin (Jul 28, 2009)

bigsexy920 said:


> Hasnt everyone done this - Am I the only one?
> 
> 
> Just kidding - that hot - bur a few too many people for me



At least twice a week. That's just how I roll.


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## BarbBBW (Jul 29, 2009)

bigsexy920 said:


> Hasnt everyone done this - Am I the only one?
> 
> 
> Just kidding - that hot - bur a few too many people for me



haha yeah I tried to keep the amount of people down actually , thats my minimum!!LOL


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 2, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> I no longer have men fantasies as I have put them behind along with other childish things. Maybe I am the one I have been waiting for.



Yeah....but I enjoy sex with men more than my hand though is the biggest problem here.....:doh:


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## Donna (Aug 2, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> I no longer have men fantasies as I have put them behind along with other childish things. Maybe I am the one I have been waiting for.



I'm curious; why do you believe that having a male fantasy type is a childish thing? Sexual fantasies enhance the sexual experience and some experts have theorized the lack of fantasy can be a part of sexual dysfunction. Do you disagree?


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## Tania (Aug 2, 2009)

This is to Olwen...

Maybe, but who knows? In theory at least I should have had enough "experience" as of ten years ago to avoid most of the mistakes I've made in the interim. :/ (Or maybe I'm delusional, or an idiot...heh.)

Fat or not, young dater or not, I think it often takes a lot longer to get things sorted out than we're led to believe. Self-awareness is significantly dependent on experience, but even with a lot of pertinent experience it's possible to misconceive your situation, yourself, and other people for a long, long time for a number of reasons. I want to say that age brings maturity and perspective, but it's more complicated than that - I think it's probably the aggregation of your experiences PLUS enough time/distance to process them that brings self-awareness and general perspective. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the last experience "puzzle piece" to give rise to a shift in perception. It may be as simple as a change of scene or society, or the discovery of a community like this one.


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## Tania (Aug 2, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> The women who considered my lack of a fantasy life at the age of 60 as boring may not be 60 years old yet. When you are 60 years old unless you have had a lot of surgery to look younger, you become invisible. No one thinks that you are sexual or attractive at the age of 60. Where are the movies and the television shows showing 60 year old women in love and men in love with them? Older women are not respected in this culture even when they run for president. I am trying to face my situation with courage and grace. I am not a boring human being. I am a vitally alive woman at the height of her powers who lives in a culture that is youth obsessed. Given this situation it makes perfect sense that I would put the breaks on a fantasy life.



I wouldn't say that lack of a fantasy life at your age makes you boring.  It's up to you to decide what works for you and what doesn't. One thing that does make me wonder is why it necessarily follows that every woman of a certain age is somehow childish or delusional or self-harming or maladjusted or wasting their time if they *do* have an active fantasy life. 

As long as people are properly contextualizing their fantasies (whatever they might be), I don't see why age or attractiveness or anything has to be an issue. 

If anything, the commentary about sexual invisibility after after 60 is proof of fantasy's validity later in life. After all, a fantasy is at its wildest extremes just an elaborate pipedream, an emotional safety valve. It is, properly speaking, not an expectation of reality. While I'm not necessarily thrilled by the idea of my 65 year old mom fantasizing about 20 year old men, it would be a helluva lot better than watching her trying (and failing!) to hook up with them IRL.


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## olwen (Aug 3, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> The women who considered my lack of a fantasy life at the age of 60 as boring may not be 60 years old yet. When you are 60 years old unless you have had a lot of surgery to look younger, you become invisible. No one thinks that you are sexual or attractive at the age of 60. Where are the movies and the television shows showing 60 year old women in love and men in love with them? Older women are not respected in this culture even when they run for president. I am trying to face my situation with courage and grace. I am not a boring human being. I am a vitally alive woman at the height of her powers who lives in a culture that is youth obsessed. Given this situation it makes perfect sense that I would put the breaks on a fantasy life.



When you're fat all your life you're invisible, so I know extremely well where you are coming from, but I know 60 year olds who have very active sex lives, shit they get more sex than me and I'm half their age! I'm sure too that because of their experience they are better at pursuing their fantasies, since they know exactly what to look out for. Admitedly, these are people I know in the bdsm scene, so getting the chance to fulfill their fantasies is kinda easy, and I'm sure they've had opportunities to live out quite a few of them. 

Still, I don't know that I would want to give up my own sexual identity or give up on my fantasies simply because the beauty of youth is the societal default. If I were in a position of influence I'd try to do something about it. And for what it's worth, that tv show, the golden girls came to mind as I was writing this...


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## olwen (Aug 3, 2009)

Tania said:


> This is to Olwen...
> 
> Maybe, but who knows? In theory at least I should have had enough "experience" as of ten years ago to avoid most of the mistakes I've made in the interim. :/ (Or maybe I'm delusional, or an idiot...heh.)
> 
> Fat or not, young dater or not, I think it often takes a lot longer to get things sorted out than we're led to believe. Self-awareness is significantly dependent on experience, but even with a lot of pertinent experience it's possible to misconceive your situation, yourself, and other people for a long, long time for a number of reasons. I want to say that age brings maturity and perspective, but it's more complicated than that - I think it's probably the aggregation of your experiences PLUS enough time/distance to process them that brings self-awareness and general perspective. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the last experience "puzzle piece" to give rise to a shift in perception. It may be as simple as a change of scene or society, or the discovery of a community like this one.



You're probably right about that....I'm thinking now of my thin handsome guy friend of 9 years now, who exasperates me sometimes when he comes to me for relationship advice. I've said to him recently "dude, you've been in way more relationships than I have. Why haven't you figured out what you are doing yet?" He's 28 and he's just now starting to realize that he's been a picky self absorbed man-boy when it comes to dating all these years. I'm hoping that his next relationship will be easier for him to navigate....


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## Tooz (Aug 3, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> The women who considered my lack of a fantasy life at the age of 60 as boring may not be 60 years old yet. When you are 60 years old unless you have had a lot of surgery to look younger, you become invisible. No one thinks that you are sexual or attractive at the age of 60. Where are the movies and the television shows showing 60 year old women in love and men in love with them? Older women are not respected in this culture even when they run for president. I am trying to face my situation with courage and grace. I am not a boring human being. I am a vitally alive woman at the height of her powers who lives in a culture that is youth obsessed. Given this situation it makes perfect sense that I would put the breaks on a fantasy life.



I do not think you become invisible. I am sure some do, but I know several 60+ year old women who are well-respected and loved people. This attitude just seems so self-defeating. If people don't see you, _make_ them see you.


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## fatgirlflyin (Aug 3, 2009)

Tooz said:


> I do not think you become invisible. I am sure some do, but I know several 60+ year old women who are well-respected and loved people. This attitude just seems so self-defeating. If people don't see you, _make_ them see you.




I tried to rep you for this comment. You said what I wanted to say but was unsure of how to word it without sounding insensitive. I have seen people mention the idea of fat people are invisible many times here at Dims, and I have to say that hasn't been my experience at all. I've been fat all my life and I've never felt invisible. That may be because I was pretty outgoing as a child (I'm not now, so not quite sure what happened) and I never allowed anyone to cast me aside and treat me as though I was less than. I've been very fortunate in that way I suppose. I just worry that by even saying you're invisible lend itself to be true. The whole perception equals reality thing, by just thinking you're invisible leads you to actually become invisible.


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## Theresa48 (Aug 3, 2009)

I am 61 years old and hardly invisible. I am full of fun, sensual fantasies. I divorced in my early 50s and have had four "hot" encounters with men that did match one or two of those fantasies (woohoooo!) I am now settled into a relationship with one of those men. 
If I had restricted myself with negative thinking and had not put myself out there, I wouldn't be where I am now. I write this to give hope to those who are entering their forties, fifties and even sixties and beyond.


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## Tooz (Aug 4, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> Meeting a soulmate is a romantic notion of youth where it has the best chance of happening.



It has the same chance of happening at any time I think.


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## BubbleButtBabe (Aug 5, 2009)

I hope to never loose my romantic notions or my fantasies..I hope when I am well into my 70's they are going strong..

I for one believe if you did not meet your life mate when you were young then there is every chance to meet them when you are older..Notice I said life mate and not soulmate..I have learned a lot in my 52 years about love and life..I met my soulmate many years ago,but because of his stupidity I could not stay with him..He would have made my life a mess and I couldn't deal with that..Haven't met my life mate but I am willing to bet this is the year I do and I am not going to give up looking for him..


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## Tina (Aug 5, 2009)

Tooz said:


> It has the same chance of happening at any time I think.



Katherine, Tooz is totally right. 

My mother, a paragon of strength, lost three husbands. Her first, my blood father, died when I was almost 9. The second died about 11 years after they married. The third 4 years, or so, after they married. She lived alone for a while, but she's the sort who, even though she's strong, she doesn't like to be alone. When she was about 71 or so she met a man and it was instant magic. She is 84 years old now, and dad is 90. They lived together for years and were married right after Christmas last year.

She used to tell me, earlier on, how they had sex every night, and sometimes in the morning, too. (uh, that's great mom! just no details, okay?) She also told me that while she loved all of her husbands, she loves dad more than any of them. They are a perfect fit and they are so in love. There was such chemistry between them that they moved in together maybe a week or so after meeting. My sister and I were dubious about the arrangement, but mom said "We're getting older. It feels right and you have to make the most of the time you have." Dad is such a sweetheart; my sister and I love him so much. He's now on the decline, after having cancer, a stroke, and multiple falls and such. Mom is definitely getting older but she still kicks ass. 

So Katherine, it truly is never too late to have that fairy tale romance no matter how old one is. Tooz got it right on the money.


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## Tooz (Aug 5, 2009)

Tina said:


> Katherine, Tooz is totally right.
> 
> My mother, a paragon of strength, lost three husbands. Her first, my blood father, died when I was almost 9. The second died about 11 years after they married. The third 4 years, or so, after they married. She lived alone for a while, but she's the sort who, even though she's strong, she doesn't like to be alone. When she was about 71 or so she met a man and it was instant magic. She is 84 years old now, and dad is 90. They lived together for years and were married right after Christmas last year.
> 
> ...



Your story is better than the one I was gonna use. Paula Deen met her husband later in life, and they seem very much in love as well.


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## olwen (Aug 5, 2009)

There are several new agey books on the subject of soulmates, my favorite of which is Journey of Souls by Michael Newton. The books all say that it's quite possible to meet one's soulmate later in life, and that there is a reason for that, which is usually it's cause that's when one or both of you are ready to meet. Had you met earlier it wouldn't have worked out. It's also possible to meet your soulmate and still not end up together at all, like you could meet only in passing. Soulmates can also take the form of friends, confidantes, teachers, family members, ect. Interesting concept, the whole soulmate thing.


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## katherine22 (Aug 6, 2009)

Katherine, Tooz is totally right. 

My mother, a paragon of strength, lost three husbands. Her first, my blood father, died when I was almost 9. The second died about 11 years after they married. The third 4 years, or so, after they married. She lived alone for a while, but she's the sort who, even though she's strong, she doesn't like to be alone. When she was about 71 or so she met a man and it was instant magic. She is 84 years old now, and dad is 90. They lived together for years and were married right after Christmas last year.

She used to tell me, earlier on, how they had sex every night, and sometimes in the morning, too. (uh, that's great mom! just no details, okay?) She also told me that while she loved all of her husbands, she loves dad more than any of them. They are a perfect fit and they are so in love. There was such chemistry between them that they moved in together maybe a week or so after meeting. My sister and I were dubious about the arrangement, but mom said "We're getting older. It feels right and you have to make the most of the time you have." Dad is such a sweetheart; my sister and I love him so much. He's now on the decline, after having cancer, a stroke, and multiple falls and such. Mom is definitely getting older but she still kicks ass. 

So Katherine, it truly is never too late to have that fairy tale romance no matter how old one is. Tooz got it right on the money.
__________________







olwen said:


> There are several new agey books on the subject of soulmates, my favorite of which is Journey of Souls by Michael Newton. The books all say that it's quite possible to meet one's soulmate later in life, and that there is a reason for that, which is usually it's cause that's when one or both of you are ready to meet. Had you met earlier it wouldn't have worked out. It's also possible to meet your soulmate and still not end up together at all, like you could meet only in passing. Soulmates can also take the form of friends, confidantes, teachers, family members, ect. Interesting concept, the whole soulmate thing.




Thanks ladies for your responses. It is too painful for me to imagine the idea of love in later years. It is the one area of life that I have failed at. I am happy with my friends and work and proud to have been a great mother to a wonderful kid. I am happy that I have found this website. I do not want to be in a position where another man can hurt me. I do not want to be in a state of longing for anything.


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## Weeze (Aug 6, 2009)

I'm really easy, actually.

He just has to be open to different things, be able to make me laugh, and be able to handle my sarcasm and kidding nature.

If you can't handle me smiling and calling you my loser, or dork, we're not gonna get along.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 13, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> Thanks ladies for your responses. It is too painful for me to imagine the idea of love in later years. It is the one area of life that I have failed at. I am happy with my friends and work and proud to have been a great mother to a wonderful kid. I am happy that I have found this website. I do not want to be in a position where another man can hurt me. I do not want to be in a state of longing for anything.



I hear you Katherine. I've been an utter failure at love myself though I'm only 42. My goal for 60 is to start a garden, start smoking pot, find myself a young boy toy I picked up on the internet and live out the rest of my years in free form happiness. Romantic notions be damned, I'll *make* my own bliss then and be reborn anew. For now I'm still holding out for the soulmate dream. Glutton for punishment I guess.


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## Fascinita (Aug 13, 2009)

I like dreaming about gardens, too.


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