# The Reality Of Dating An SSBBW



## largenlovely

I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol

It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car. 

This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?

I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women. 

Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle. 

I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW. 

So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

I think a lot of guys who are "into SSBBW" are in denial about what it takes to live the reality of being with a ssbbw.

Even Mike, being with me has taught him so much. I have had to train him and point things out to him and explain why certain things are impossible. Guys, even the really good guys, just don't get it sometimes. It take patience to teach FAs how out bodies actually work.

As for a music festival...are you crazy??!?! LOL. I would have had a long talk with him before hand about walking etc. Even at 375, when I was very fit, I wouldn't have tried to go to a music festival. I hope things worked out for you then and he didn't give up.

I know what you mean though....a long time ago I was chatting to a guy near me who wanted to go on a date with me. I was at my heaviest weight then and he had a monster truck. I turned him down and explained that if he ever wanted to date a ssbbw he should get a car that wouldn't make her feel like a freak. We didn't talk much after that, lol.


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## TCUBOB

For the record, Melissa, I own a smaller car for the gas mileage. And the fact that I have a short commute. And, well, I got tired of first one, then the second, Exploder being in the shop...


But there is a grain of truth to your musings....


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

TCUBOB said:


> For the record, Melissa, I own a smaller car for the gas mileage. And the fact that I have a short commute. And, well, I got tired of first one, then the second, Exploder being in the shop...
> 
> 
> But there is a grain of truth to your musings....



There's more than a grain of truth! How are you going to date someone that doesn't fit into your life? And your car, you transport to everywhere...is part of your life. Just sayin......


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## largenlovely

BigBellySSBBW said:


> As for a music festival...are you crazy??!?! LOL.


 
LOL he was very intent on going to it and i thought maybe i could handle it .. i managed, but damn i was hurtin' lol



BigBellySSBBW said:


> Even Mike, being with me has taught him so much. I have had to train him and point things out to him and explain why certain things are impossible.



very good point I suppose i was lucky and Bruce has come pre-trained lol He's been very good so far about thinking of these things. Though i do still worry. We're working on moving in together and i'm ready to give him a LIST when apartment hunting time comes hahaha..no stairs, full bathtub, large space between the commode and any cabinets, etc etc lol


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## largenlovely

I can understand economics can be tough...but we fat girls can be expensive. i mean, we require large meals, sometimes two seats on a plane, a car that we can fit in..and things of that nature...not sure that there can really be a compromise. I mean, if my man had to choose between a nicer small car and a larger clunker i'd be perfectly fine with the clunker....i dunno...it's quite the conundrum



TCUBOB said:


> For the record, Melissa, I own a smaller car for the gas mileage. And the fact that I have a short commute. And, well, I got tired of first one, then the second, Exploder being in the shop...
> 
> 
> But there is a grain of truth to your musings....


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

largenlovely said:


> I can understand economics can be tough...but we fat girls can be expensive. i mean, we require large meals, sometimes two seats on a plane, a car that we can fit in..and things of that nature...not sure that there can really be a compromise. I mean, if my man had to choose between a nicer small car and a larger clunker i'd be perfectly fine with the clunker....i dunno...it's quite the conundrum




Yup. A SSBBW is a financial commitment. We require all sorts of special things....and replacement of broken things. The reason I am home alone right now is that we couldn't afford a round trip to the states for me....2 seats.  I'd rather be comfy and look ghetto than look post and be absolutely miserable!


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## largenlovely

don't even get me started on broken things  hahaha

but yeah i hear ya..flying puts me into a state of panic. We don't buy two seats but we should. I try to view all of the flights to see which one is less crowded and least likely to fill up before the day arrives. It was much easier from Atlanta because it's a non-stop flight to NY..but now that i'm back in Mobile there will always be a connecting flight *ugh* so that's even more to worry with. 



BigBellySSBBW said:


> Yup. A SSBBW is a financial commitment. We require all sorts of special things....and replacement of broken things. The reason I am home alone right now is that we couldn't afford a round trip to the states for me....2 seats.  I'd rather be comfy and look ghetto than look post and be absolutely miserable!


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## D_A_Bunny

You are so right about the car. My husband owned a Camaro when we first met, his dream car. I was not SS at the time, but still very large. He immediately made plans for a larger car. Every car we have had or even considered since then, is with my size and accessbility in mind.
Even with our second car, the one he drives to work, has to fit me. And he has a long commute so we are very concerned with gas mileage, but he makes sure I can fit. He even took the old seats out of his old S-10 Blazer to put in a bench seat so that I could fit in it.
Our main car is a Chevy Caprice that is large and roomy. Still, he keeps talking about a Caprice wagon that he keeps seeing for sale. Like, hey babe, just think how roomy that would be. 
And none of our cars are new. We can only afford used, but we get what we can.
The one car we did buy new in 1993 was a Ford Taurus that I really wanted. We told the sales guy we wanted to only look at ones that had a bench seat. Well, most didn't, and he kept showing them to us. Hubby is like, I SAID I want a bench seat. The guy is like, but why? and hubby turns and points to me and says, its for her, that's why. And the guy finally showed us the only one they had on the lot. We ended up buying it and I loved her for a long time. Eventually I did outgrow the car, but I LOVE my 1995 Caprice.


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## largenlovely

good old fashioned ingenuinity..you gotta love that ...that's awesome 

I had a hard time giving up little sports cars but it got to where i just flat out couldn't drive them. A few years back i got an older buick lesabre and that thing has been fabulous. I'm a shorty and so i have to scoot up close to the wheel but now my belly is getting too big for that...someone said i can get blocks for the pedals..gonna have to come up with *something* 

my boyfriend drives an Envoy and it's comfy but i'm so short that he has to give me a boost to get up into it, or he'll get in and reach over and grab my hand and help pull me up. It would be fine for a taller fat woman, i suppose he didn't expect to be putting a short fatty like me in it lol



DumbAssBunny said:


> He even took the old seats out of his old S-10 Blazer to put in a bench seat so that I could fit in it.


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## JayInBuff

I've never been with a SSBBW but do find them very attractive. I'm married so unless my wife gains I probably never will. But if I was single I wouldn't intuitively know all the needs that a SSBBW would require. Please be patient with us as even if we mean well, we might not realize what is needed.


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## jecniceguy

Hi there, I usually dont post much on here, but I am glad I found this thread as I was have been thinking of this lately. I have been dating a woman for a few months now, and she is probably around 400lbs.
I have thought about things like going to a restarant, movie theaters, etc. and considering here size. Usually, I suggest ideas to her, and leave it up to her to decide what we are doing. That way it is her call, and she knows what she can and cant do. But I would love to get any tips I can to avoid anything that would come up that would be uncomfortable for her. I did make the mistake of thinking I would pick her up in my little ford ranger on our first date. Ever since then, she does the driving now in her caprice. I didnt like the feeling I had, like I hadnt thought of her and her size. 
She is also rapidly gaining weight, and I dont know what the future will hold, and what other obsticals are laying ahead, but I would love any info or advice. thanks!


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## largenlovely

That's a perfectly reasonable response. I think by posting i meant to prompt fella's to think about these types of things, but instead it may have came across as a rant lol 

Though...it can be quite frustrating to see or hear of men who claim to be interested in dating an ssbbw only to find that they know nothing of the realities it entails...it makes a woman question whether or not they truly *are* interested in having a real life relationship, or if they are merely caught up in fantasy.



JayInBuff said:


> But if I was single I wouldn't intuitively know all the needs that a SSBBW would require. Please be patient with us as even if we mean well, we might not realize what is needed.


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## Ample Pie

Worse yet is when they don't know and then get mad when they find out. So hurtful. I'll be patient and helpful if you won't be shocked by and rude about the special circumstances of the lives of the supersized .


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## jecniceguy

largenlovely said:


> That's a perfectly reasonable response. I think by posting i meant to prompt fella's to think about these types of things, but instead it may have came across as a rant lol
> 
> Though...it can be quite frustrating to see or hear of men who claim to be interested in dating an ssbbw only to find that they know nothing of the realities it entails...it makes a woman question whether or not they truly *are* interested in having a real life relationship, or if they are merely caught up in fantasy.



that is my worst fear, that my lack of knowlege or awareness will be taken as I dont really care for her. There are times when I dont realize something, and I can tell by her attitude that I should have thought it through more. I really dont like that feeling. I dont want to always have to ask her what she can or cant do. I think it would mean more to her if she knew I thought ahead, and she didnt have to say anything. I guess this is all a learning process, would be nice to have a class you could take though, lol.


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## largenlovely

yes..the movie seats are another i forgot to mention..definitely something to think about beforehand  

It's very nice that you're trying to be considerate and thinking about these things. I would definitely avoid anything that would require lots of walking, unless it's an event that you both would like to go to or something. My boyfriend's friends invited us to a renaissance fair and he mentioned it to me and was already planning to either buy or rent a scooter by the time the event arrives. Though, it also depends on the girl..some girls are embarrassed to use scooters. God knows i love the things lol

Being open and asking and trying to think beforehand means a lot  You can't think of everything all the time (as bigbellyssbbw mentioned) but just knowing that your guy is making the effort goes a long way 



jecniceguy said:


> I have thought about things like going to a restarant, movie theaters, etc. and considering here size. Usually, I suggest ideas to her, and leave it up to her to decide what we are doing. That way it is her call, and she knows what she can and cant do. But I would love to get any tips I can to avoid anything that would come up that would be uncomfortable for her.


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## Ruby Ripples

JayInBuff said:


> I've never been with a SSBBW but do find them very attractive. I'm married so unless my wife gains I probably never will. But if I was single I wouldn't intuitively know all the needs that a SSBBW would require. Please be patient with us as even if we mean well, we might not realize what is needed.



We do understand that you can't know it all, but we're not even talking about intuition here, we are talking about a supposed ssbbw admirer taking an ssbbw into a crowded restaurant, then walking ahead, squeezing through tiny spaces between tables... or striding along a street at a brisk pace with no thought as to the clear fact that his companion is maybe 8 inches shorter but 250lb heavier, so cannot keep up. Those are things that should be obvious really to anyone, FA or not, yet unfortunately they aren't. 

It's understandable that you might not have considered that she could have problems like climbing up into a high vehicle, since you wouldn't be expected to know the height/weight/physics issues involved . Also, you wouldn't be expected to know any particular woman's stamina for walking or any activity, as it can vary so much. I was taken on a date to a sushi restaurant, I asked the guy to check first and see if it was benches and tables bolted to the floors... he checked and yes, sure enough it was. I could see the lightbulb light up in his head when I asked him to check and he was quite horrified looking that he had not thought about it. But, I wouldn't have expected him to realise that I couldn't fit in there, since most people can, so it's not something obvious perhaps. However, I WOULD have expected him to notice if the restaurant was packed and that it would be difficult for me to squeeze through. See the difference? 

So yes, we're not hard women, lol, but sometimes things which are pretty obvious are not taken into consideration.

Melissa, I went to the cinema last Summer with a friend and when we got in, we discovered that I couldnt fit in the seat!! Luckily the seat wasnt much lower than the arms, so I kinda wedged myself in, one butt cheek up the side of the arm, lol. It wasn't comfy, but I wanted to see the movie! I fit into other cinema seats though, except the old cinemas with seats from about the 30s... so obviously different places have different sized seats.


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## largenlovely

oh goodness hon that sounds like a bad experience  whatever it was, i'm sorry you had to go through it



Rebecca said:


> Worse yet is when they don't know and then get mad when they find out. So hurtful. I'll be patient and helpful if you won't be shocked by and rude about the special circumstances of the lives of the supersized .


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## largenlovely

well some things DO take time to learn..but if are genuinely trying i'm sure she will be happy to see you making the effort 



jecniceguy said:


> that is my worst fear, that my lack of knowlege or awareness will be taken as I dont really care for her. There are times when I dont realize something, and I can tell by her attitude that I should have thought it through more. I really dont like that feeling. I dont want to always have to ask her what she can or cant do. I think it would mean more to her if she knew I thought ahead, and she didnt have to say anything. I guess this is all a learning process, would be nice to have a class you could take though, lol.


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## olwen

jecniceguy said:


> Hi there, I usually dont post much on here, but I am glad I found this thread as I was have been thinking of this lately. I have been dating a woman for a few months now, and she is probably around 400lbs.
> I have thought about things like going to a restarant, movie theaters, etc. and considering here size. Usually, I suggest ideas to her, and leave it up to her to decide what we are doing. That way it is her call, and she knows what she can and cant do. But I would love to get any tips I can to avoid anything that would come up that would be uncomfortable for her. I did make the mistake of thinking I would pick her up in my little ford ranger on our first date. Ever since then, she does the driving now in her caprice. I didnt like the feeling I had, like I hadnt thought of her and her size.
> She is also rapidly gaining weight, and I dont know what the future will hold, and what other obsticals are laying ahead, but I would love any info or advice. thanks!



I might be able to help with this one. Dating a SSBBW just requires a lot of planning. Call ahead to the movie theatre to find out if they have stadium seating, wheel chair accessible screens, and armrests that go up. I know which theaters here have armrests that come up and I go to those. I'm not quite super sized anymore, but even at my weight it's still and issue. If you live in a city with art house movie theatres they will probably have tiny seats. At least here they do. I've skipped many a movie because of that.

Same thing with the restaurants, call ahead or go there ahead of time to see if they have ample seating - like no booths and enough room in the aisles to accommodate a scooter/wheelchair.

One time a few years ago my friend and I were hanging out and we were both getting hungry. He hates asian food which I love, so the nearest restaurant was out. He wanted a diner. I was leary cause a lot of diners in that neighborhood have only booths. So we started walking and we went past 5 diners and nearly 12 hungry blocks because I couldn't fit. We were both getting hungrier by the minute. He was getting frustrated and the tone in his voice changed to near anger about how far we would have to walk before a good diner came up, then I snapped at him about how after 5 years of friendship (now 8 years) he should know that I can't fit in a restaurant booth. I was on the verge of tears when I offered to just go home so he could have dinner. For all his faults, he's a good guy. He apologized and said No no, we'll go back to the asian place. It's been a while since I had wonton soup anyway.


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## largenlovely

hahahhaaha. I remember the first time i had to do that. I can't remember what size i was at the time, but i went to a Shakespeare festival out of town with my literature class in college. I sat way in the back and totally had to "hip ride" the side of the seat...omg so paaaainful lol




Ruby Ripples said:


> Melissa, I went to the cinema last Summer with a friend and when we got in, we discovered that I couldnt fit in the seat!! Luckily the seat wasnt much lower than the arms, so I kinda wedged myself in, one butt cheek up the side of the arm, lol. It wasn't comfy, but I wanted to see the movie! I fit into other cinema seats though, except the old cinemas with seats from about the 30s... so obviously different places have different sized seats.


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## UncannyBruceman

largenlovely said:


> my boyfriend drives an Envoy and it's comfy but i'm so short that he has to give me a boost to get up into it, or he'll get in and reach over and grab my hand and help pull me up. It would be fine for a taller fat woman, i suppose he didn't expect to be putting a short fatty like me in it lol



Correction, it's a Chevy Trail Blazer! And I had been planning to put a short fatty like (more specifically) you in the passenger seat long before we event met.

I wasn't always as aware of a SSBBW's needs as I am now. It took a lot of practice and a lot of patience. My ex gained a good amount during our four-year relationship and I didn't really recognize the needs toward the end. When we'd be out and finding a parking space, she'd say something like "it's raining and I don't want to mess my hair". Considering how glamorous she wanted to be all the time, I simply cringed at it and tried to find a closer space. Melissa is smart enough to tickle the FA's mind by saying "my fat ass is not burning calories by walking across that parking lot". But while my ex continued to gain and surpass 400 lbs, the comfort of a 400 lb woman was considered more and more (like when I had to choose between a Trail Blazer or a Camaro). By the time Melissa latched on to me, I was "professional FA", and contrary to what most people think of feeders, her comfort always was and is a top priority for me.

I can't speak for all men, but I like to treat my lady like a queen, and to have a lady that prefers to ACT like a queen makes it all the more enjoyable. She still gets a kiss when I have to pull her up from the couch (and I love watching her tilt her head and smile when she holds her hands out for it), and she still gets a loving pinch when she's riding the scooter in the supermarket or department store.

It's all part of wanting a fat girl who isn't afraid to be herself and live her life in comfort, and these tasks are a small price for me to pay to have what I've always wanted.


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## imfree

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol..............snipped...........................
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell



That's a great post. Melissa. Most guys don't even think 
what SSBBP is like from the inside. At age 53, 440 lbs,
and on oxygen, I know very well what it feels like. My
most beloved GF of all time was an SSBBW and we had
some really sweet times together because we were
sensitive to each other's limitations.


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## D_A_Bunny

I think that this thread can totally turn into something that can be very informative if it remains openminded and allows for the fact that sometimes things need to actually be put into action for some people to figure out how they work.

I personally don't think that just because a guy hasn't figured out all of the details of dating an SSBBW, that he isn't willing to learn.

Some things my husband had already thought about when dating a large woman and some things were learn as you go. We have been together for almost 18 years and he still "forgets" certain things. So, as an openminded friendly gesture to any person who may want some tips, here are just a few.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WHEN SPENDING TIME WITH A BIG GIRL:

- Seating is VERY important. It should be armless and/or roomy. Sturdy and comfortable. If you are going to an event or place that you are not sure about, call ahead. She will appreciate it.

- Aisles - sometimes they are just too small. And these include the spaces between tables at a restaurant. Again, visit ahead or call. And going somewhere tried and true is usually best.

- Walking long distances, for some, it is just not going to happen (like me). Bring her to the door and then park the car or accomodate in some other fashion. Keep in mind, she will not want to be left at the door for long, so quick foot it back or make sure there is an available bench outside.

- Consider taking a scenic drive as an alternative. Some of the best times that I have had with my husband are when we choose a location, not too far away, and drive there. We look around, find a nice spot to get out or just stay in the car and possibly catch the sunset.

- Keep a folding, sturdy chair in your trunk for moments that require a seat and one is not available. Maybe at a park or somewhere else along the way.

- Communicate with your gal. Tell her that you are interested in making her feel comfortable and safe at all times. Ask her if there is anything specific that she would like. Maybe you cannot do it at that moment, but you can plan it for the future. Believe me, listening to what your girl wants and then providing it in the future works for ALL men.

- Food. This is a tricky subject. You want to be able to express to her that she should feel comfortable having whatever and how much she wants. Unless you have started this relationship with food as your main objective, I think this may be one of the most difficult situations. This is sort of an individual thing, but also a great way to get closer to someone. Anytime you are in a relationship and try to please someone and make them feel comfortable, it usually works to bring the two people closer. My suggestion would be that you don't bring TOO much attention to the situation but make a general statement that appetites are good, or the food here is great, let US enjoy it. And for me personally, hubby always got major points for bringing me treats since I LOVE food and have a sweet tooth.

- Home furniture - keep in mind that your lady may need assistance getting off that sofa that has sucked her in. Be ready to offer a helping hand.

- Temperature - I am usually hotter than others I am with. So, if she seems hot, she is. Turn on the a/c, the fan, whatever. She will not want to perspire in front of you, but onto the next thing -

- Sweat - women do it. Most large women do it. It is natural and it is going to happen. Also, she will probably be trying to impress you with her hair and clothes and be anxious. Keep the temp. cool.

- Time - I personally take longer to do the average things required. Be patient and accomodate for the add'l time required.

- Stairs - I LOVE Florida because there are not many stairs. However, in most places there are. If at all possible, limit the amount of stairs she will need to walk, or better yet, see if there is an elevator she (and you) can use instead. Or, be considerate if she needs to take them slow or is hesitant about being in a crowd while using them. 

- Elevators, if you are going on an elevator together, she may choose to take the next one if it already seems a bit crowded, don't push her, physically or verbally to use THAT one. The next one will come along soon enough. While you are waiting may be a good time to give a great smile, squeeze her hand or catch a smooch.

- What I call, I will wait in the car. If you need to "run in" somewhere, like to pick up liquor, a movie, the takeout food, she may be more inclined to WAIT IN THE CAR. Some will, some won't, again, communicate. If she is not going to enjoy getting in and out of the car and/or enjoy going in the place, for me it's like, why bother. That is just one of the benefits of having a willing and knowledgeable FA by my side.

These suggestions are just that. And they are things that pertain to me and may not all pertain to the woman in your life. I do believe that any person who is starting a relationship or continuing in one will benefit from the two most important things - communication and consideration.

If I haven't bored you all and I think of anything else, I will post more later. To the ladies, I hope that nothing I have posted seems insulting or derogatory. To me, these are only facts of life and if someone has the right intentions then I am willing to share.

Hugs!


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## largenlovely

UncannyBruceman said:


> Correction, it's a Chevy Trail Blazer!



D'oh i knew that lol..i always forget because you told me they are pretty much one and the same 



UncannyBruceman said:


> Melissa is smart enough to tickle the FA's mind by saying "my fat ass is not burning calories by walking across that parking lot".
> 
> By the time Melissa latched on to me, I was "professional FA", and contrary to what most people think of feeders, her comfort always was and is a top priority for me.
> 
> I can't speak for all men, but I like to treat my lady like a queen, and to have a lady that prefers to ACT like a queen makes it all the more enjoyable. She still gets a kiss when I have to pull her up from the couch (and I love watching her tilt her head and smile when she holds her hands out for it), and she still gets a loving pinch when she's riding the scooter in the supermarket or department store.
> 
> It's all part of wanting a fat girl who isn't afraid to be herself and live her life in comfort, and these tasks are a small price for me to pay to have what I've always wanted.



is it any wonder why i love this man to pieces hehe :wubu:


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## largenlovely

aawww that's just so sweet 



imfree said:


> My
> most beloved GF of all time was an SSBBW and we had
> some really sweet times together because we were
> sensitive to each other's limitations.


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## liz (di-va)

The hardest physical situation on earth for me is a cocktail party. Standing around (because of back probs, etc.) is really really hard, harder than walking, even. Cocktail parties, museums, some rock shows. Not every one's like this--at all--but just throwing it out there as a possible minefield. This fact, and the lack of ways to accomodate the problem (i.e., no easy ways to sit down), interfere with my socializing more than almost anything! Since I don't usually get invited to run marathons.


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## activistfatgirl

This thread hits a bit home at the moment after an altercation with a long-time FA friend of mine last night. He drives a Jeep Cherokee that doesn't have long enough seat belts for me to buckle up. So, I just drive with him unbuckled and it makes me very uncomfortable. I'll suffer this in exchange for his commitment to driving slower (makes sense in my head). Last night after I asked him to slow down he did some of those fake out quick turns on the freeway going 70 miles an hour and I was upset. He didn't get it - it's all goes back to feeling like someone who ought to care about you, and certainly enjoys the fat, not understanding that you simply don't fit into their life and it's more than an inconvenience, it can feel more like a slap in the face.

It's a dance sometimes. I'd never demand this person get extenders because we're not together officially. However...if we were...you bet. I'd be willing to split costs or buy them myself, but I think if he was uncomfortable or unwilling that I use them, it's a dealbreaker.

I've never dated anyone, honestly, that's actually been aware of space needs like seating or as Ruby said, wouldn't hesitate to walk through a crowded restaurant w/ tiny spaces between seats. I'm okay with being my own needs-checker, but it would be the difference between a real Keeper and just someone I date. Someone that cared about those things and helped me navigate the world would be partner material. You know what I mean?


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## Judge_Dre

largenlovely said:


> I can understand economics can be tough...but we fat girls can be expensive. i mean, we require large meals, sometimes two seats on a plane, a car that we can fit in..and things of that nature...not sure that there can really be a compromise. I mean, if my man had to choose between a nicer small car and a larger clunker i'd be perfectly fine with the clunker....i dunno...it's quite the conundrum



SSBBWs like you are worth all that 

I know what you mean. Sometimes its just lack of experience that makes a FA appear rude or insensitive. when I was first dating BBWs, I didn't think they were any different than other women. It just never occurred to me that special consideration had to be taken due their size. Of course, they taught me right!


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## largenlovely

you are getting repped for the best post EVER lol...that was fabulous and you brought up a number of things that are issues for me as well that i just forget about until the need arises. I also keep a folding chair in the trunk of my car and it has come in very handy on occasions

fabulous ..just fabulous 



DumbAssBunny said:


> I think that this thread can totally turn into something that can be very informative if it remains openminded and allows for the fact that sometimes things need to actually be put into action for some people to figure out how they work.
> 
> 
> - Walking long distances, for some, it is just not going to happen (like me). Bring her to the door and then park the car or accomodate in some other fashion. Keep in mind, she will not want to be left at the door for long, so quick foot it back or make sure there is an available bench outside.
> 
> - Keep a folding, sturdy chair in your trunk for moments that require a seat and one is not available. Maybe at a park or somewhere else along the way.
> 
> - Temperature - I am usually hotter than others I am with. So, if she seems hot, she is. Turn on the a/c, the fan, whatever. She will not want to perspire in front of you, but onto the next thing -
> 
> - Time - I personally take longer to do the average things required. Be patient and accomodate for the add'l time required.
> 
> - Stairs - I LOVE Florida because there are not many stairs. However, in most places there are. If at all possible, limit the amount of stairs she will need to walk, or better yet, see if there is an elevator she (and you) can use instead. Or, be considerate if she needs to take them slow or is hesitant about being in a crowd while using them.
> 
> - Elevators, if you are going on an elevator together, she may choose to take the next one if it already seems a bit crowded, don't push her, physically or verbally to use THAT one. The next one will come along soon enough. While you are waiting may be a good time to give a great smile, squeeze her hand or catch a smooch.
> 
> - What I call, I will wait in the car. If you need to "run in" somewhere, like to pick up liquor, a movie, the takeout food, she may be more inclined to WAIT IN THE CAR. Some will, some won't, again, communicate. If she is not going to enjoy getting in and out of the car and/or enjoy going in the place, for me it's like, why bother. That is just one of the benefits of having a willing and knowledgeable FA by my side.
> 
> Hugs!


----------



## largenlovely

oh lord yes..i totally understand that..my lower back will kill me..right around my shelf if i stand too long. It relieves it to lean over on something but then i look like i'm trying to moon the folks behind me lol



liz (di-va) said:


> The hardest physical situation on earth for me is a cocktail party. Standing around (because of back probs, etc.) is really really hard, harder than walking, even.


----------



## liz (di-va)

Also: public transportation--anything, taxis, trolleys, trains, busses... Fat girls are constantly having to suss those out, figure out where they can fit. I've had dudes look at me funny as I lean all the way into a cab to pull all of me in or whatever... So, working with chix in public situations, especially like these.


----------



## liz (di-va)

largenlovely said:


> oh lord yes..i totally understand that..my lower back will kill me..right around my shelf if i stand too long. It relieves it to lean over on something but then i look like i'm trying to moon the folks behind me lol



I end up doing t his a lot...you s hould see me at the grocery store. It is very....bent over.


----------



## largenlovely

oh i totally feel ya on this one...you might just have to take it upon yourself to go ahead and get your own seatbelt extender that you can keep in your purse or something. I think they sell them on www.amplestuff.com They definitely come in handy even if you're just going off with friends or whatever.



activistfatgirl said:


> He drives a Jeep Cherokee that doesn't have long enough seat belts for me to buckle up. So, I just drive with him unbuckled and it makes me very uncomfortable.


----------



## Ruby Ripples

I was just thinking that we should make a list of things that are good to consider, so the non ss person will be more aware, and here, you've done it, great post bunny thanks! 

I don't think either that just because a person doesnt realise the limitations of a ss person, means they aren't willing to learn and I don't think anyone here said that. I voiced my frustration at guys who seem to be oblivious to the pretty obvious stuff, or who KEEP being oblivious even after it's been pointed out. Guys like the one Melissa mentioned who got annoyed at her for getting tired at the music festival, DO exist, lol. One got ratty at me one day for not being able to keep up with him as he walked along the street.. he was over 6 feet tall, to my 5' 3". However I think we know that people will be at the worst well-intentioned but unaware, and at the best enthusiastic to know what they do to make the time together pleasant, with no embarrassment to the ss person involved. 

I love the points you made in your post, particularly the "I'll just wait in the car" one. It's so relevant, oh and leave the keys in the car so we can listen to music while you're running the errand,  . 

One thing I can think of is, that I turn down possible days out because I know my back will be too sore. I DO love day trips to interesting places though, I just need it to be a place where I can sit down frequently! I had a great day at Rosslyn Chapel (holy grail), because obviously its a church and there were pews I could keep sitting down on. So..... people, if your SS partner or date turns down several suggestions of trips you make, its probably not that they don't want to go, but it's that they need to be able to rest along the way. Places with plenty of seats/benches are a godsend. 

The one mall I used to go to, I don't anymore because they "renovated" it, which involved removing almost all of the benches which used to be lined along the centre of the walkways, grrr.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Can I just add to watch out for weak furniture? Mike's parents have some weak futons that they adore...but I do not dare sit on them as I can tell just by looking at them that I would snap them like toothpicks. Big women need strong, and sometimes reinforced, furniture...which can be more expensive and less trendy.

So much to know about being with a ssbbw....but hang in there...it is doable


----------



## largenlovely

hahaha i'm glad they got you learned right 



Judge_Dre said:


> SSBBWs like you are worth all that
> 
> I know what you mean. Sometimes its just lack of experience that makes a FA appear rude or insensitive. when I was first dating BBWs, I didn't think they were any different than other women. It just never occurred to me that special consideration had to be taken due their size. Of course, they taught me right!


----------



## MissToodles

liz (di-va) said:


> Also: public transportation--anything, taxis, trolleys, trains, busses... Fat girls are constantly having to suss those out, figure out where they can fit. I've had dudes look at me funny as I lean all the way into a cab to pull all of me in or whatever... So, working with chix in public situations, especially like these.



Yes! Try to be considerate and snag a seat. My boyfriend does this for me all the time, especially after a long day. People are ruthless (although I'm ruthless when I'm by myself!) when it comes to crowded trains/buses and where they can park their ass.


----------



## largenlovely

noooooooooo doubt...i was staying with Bruce's family and wound up sitting down on one of the beds and broke it *ugh* lol My exact words when i told him were "please forego the erection and help me figure out a way to tell your mom i broke the bed" LOL




BigBellySSBBW said:


> Can I just add to watch out for weak furniture? Mike's parents have some weak futons that they adore...but I do not dare sit on them as I can tell just by looking at them that I would snap them like toothpicks. Big women need strong, and sometimes reinforced, furniture...which can be more expensive and less trendy.
> 
> So much to know about being with a ssbbw....but hang in there...it is doable


----------



## Ruby Ripples

largenlovely said:


> oh lord yes..i totally understand that..my lower back will kill me..right around my shelf if i stand too long. It relieves it to lean over on something but then i look like i'm trying to moon the folks behind me lol





liz (di-va) said:


> I end up doing t his a lot...you s hould see me at the grocery store. It is very....bent over.




So Im not the only person to "pretend" to be browsing in the chest freezers in the supermarket, while Im actually using it to bend forward to ease my back, whilst getting a nice cooling blast of icy air, as the back pain makes me perspire? lol. I swear I must have come out of there with frosty eyebrows before!!


----------



## largenlovely

hahaha no it's just you...i'm the one riding by on the scooter waving LOL

and if no scooter is available my fat ass isn't going in their store 



Ruby Ripples said:


> So Im not the only person to "pretend" to be browsing in the chest freezers in the supermarket, while Im actually using it to bend forward to ease my back, whilst getting a nice cooling blast of icy air, as the back pain makes me perspire? lol. I swear I must have come out of there with frosty eyebrows before!!


----------



## Ruby Ripples

largenlovely said:


> noooooooooo doubt...i was staying with Bruce's family and wound up sitting down on one of the beds and broke it *ugh* lol My exact words when i told him were "please forego the erection and help me figure out a way to tell your mom i broke the bed" LOL



LMAO that's hilarious!! *picturing Bruce all horny and bulgy and Melissa mortified*


----------



## liz (di-va)

MissToodles said:


> Yes! Try to be considerate and snag a seat. My boyfriend does this for me all the time, especially after a long day. People are ruthless (although I'm ruthless when I'm by myself!) when it comes to crowded trains/buses and where they can park their ass.



Exactly. People are ruthless and you gotta be tricky/ruthless, one step ahead. It is helpful to be with a guy who understands *why* yer doing this!! (i.e., not to knock old ladies over)

Unrelated: I know that in really long-term relationships this stuff must become more matter of fact - just physical co-existence in general - but I'd like to add also that although there is generally a miminum thoughtful effort required to take a big woman out, the return is significant. I mean...thoughtfulness and gallanterie generally don't go unrewarded. I'm saying...women (obviously) really notice this stuff! Not that that's the reason for doing it, but I wonder if men--partners--sometimes know how great it can feel to have someone look out for you (in a non-sticky/avuncular way) or how it can effect your feelings towards somebody. I still remember the name of the first dude who asked me to dance at a college dance, because of really nice manners-ful way he did it, and I didn't know his name before that.


----------



## Ruby Ripples

largenlovely said:


> hahaha no it's just you...i'm the one riding by on the scooter waving LOL
> 
> and if no scooter is available my fat ass isn't going in their store



Ahhh yes I keep forgetting you have those in the US. I've only seen two .. at ONE supermarket a few miles from here. And they are SO old, and tiny and shabby, they're obviously meant for skinny little elderly people with arthritis, not big bouncy babes


----------



## largenlovely

hahahhaa it was horrible...at first he didn't believe me, til he saw the mangled bed..and thankfully his mother laughed it off, but yes i was totally mortified lol



Ruby Ripples said:


> LMAO that's hilarious!! *picturing Bruce all horny and bulgy and Melissa mortified*


----------



## Ruby Ripples

liz (di-va) said:


> Exactly. People are ruthless and you gotta be tricky/ruthless, one step ahead. It is helpful to be with a guy who understands *why* yer doing this!! (i.e., not to knock old ladies over)
> 
> Unrelated: I know that in really long-term relationships this stuff must become more matter of fact - just physical co-existence in general - but I'd like to add also that although there is generally a miminum thoughtful effort required to take a big woman out, the return is significant. I mean...thoughtfulness and gallanterie generally don't go unrewarded. I'm saying...women (obviously) really notice this stuff! Not that that's the reason for doing it, but I wonder if men--partners--sometimes know how great it can feel to have someone look out for you (in a non-sticky/avuncular way) or how it can effect your feelings towards somebody. I still remember the name of the first dude who asked me to dance at a college dance, because of really nice manners-ful way he did it, and I didn't know his name before that.



HEAR HEAR!


----------



## largenlovely

i agree wholeheartedly...when Bruce thinks about these things beforehand it makes me love him all the more 



liz (di-va) said:


> but I wonder if men--partners--sometimes know how great it can feel to have someone look out for you (in a non-sticky/avuncular way) or how it can effect your feelings towards somebody.


----------



## largenlovely

lol yeah i usually stick to the store's i know have them...but sometimes i have to go look and see. I know i've gotten on a couple that just wouldn't go because i am too big for them



Ruby Ripples said:


> Ahhh yes I keep forgetting you have those in the US. I've only seen two .. at ONE supermarket a few miles from here. And they are SO old, and tiny and shabby, they're obviously meant for skinny little elderly people with arthritis, not big bouncy babes


----------



## D_A_Bunny

activistfatgirl said:


> This thread hits a bit home at the moment after an altercation with a long-time FA friend of mine last night. He drives a Jeep Cherokee that doesn't have long enough seat belts for me to buckle up. So, I just drive with him unbuckled and it makes me very uncomfortable. I'll suffer this in exchange for his commitment to driving slower (makes sense in my head). Last night after I asked him to slow down he did some of those fake out quick turns on the freeway going 70 miles an hour and I was upset. He didn't get it - it's all goes back to feeling like someone who ought to care about you



IMHO this has nothing to do with anyone's size, but is his complete lack of consideration for the human being whose life he was holding in his hands when he made the decision to drive badly.
I am sorry if this wording seems harsh, but this is a complete bone of contention with me. And let me tell you, I was with my husband when he would do this in the beginning. We had made a commitment to each other. I don't think it has anything to do with commitment or size as much as the need for speed that some people have while driving. Trust me, this is the ONE thing that almost broke us up. It took alot of talking, crying, screaming and threatening to make him realize that it was funny and exciting to him and absolutely terrifying to me. I told him repeatedly, I WILL NOT die in an auto accident and that if I did and he was the cause, he better hope he dies with me cause I will haunt him the rest of his days.
Thankfully this changed soon enough and is no longer a desire for him.
If this guy likes you and repects you, he will slow down whether you are wearing a seatbelt or not. It is up to you how many chances you give him and how you approach it with him. I would definitely tell him that you do not want it to happen again and if he wants to drive that way he should do it when you are not in the car.
Most times, the little speed monsters realize it is much more fun to go a little slower and catch the sight of their beautiful companion bouncing along next to them, then the itty bitty rush from their risky driving.


Who knows, maybe he will buy you flowers or something as an apology. (just saying in case, he is a member, and needs a hint) hint hint


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

largenlovely said:


> i agree wholeheartedly...when Bruce thinks about these things beforehand it makes me love him all the more




Mike is the same way.....and it relives most of the worry that comes from being a ssbbw and actually allows me to be myself even more Yay for super FAs


----------



## D_A_Bunny

largenlovely said:


> you are getting repped for the best post EVER lol...that was fabulous and you brought up a number of things that are issues for me as well that i just forget about until the need arises. I also keep a folding chair in the trunk of my car and it has come in very handy on occasions
> 
> fabulous ..just fabulous



Thank you! I guess we all need to be good at something and the two things I am best at, are being fat and analyzing (Virgo).

And as far as any man preplanning, it is always appreciated. Even to this day, my husband will do something, even if it is small, like putting something more within my reach, and I greatly appreciate it.

PS, there are some things I won't leave home without and one of them, is the chair in the trunk. Who knew?, great minds think alike!


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

DumbAssBunny said:


> Thank you! I guess we all need to be good at something and the two things I am best at, are being fat and analyzing (Virgo).
> 
> And as far as any man preplanning, it is always appreciated. Even to this day, my husband will do something, even if it is small, like putting something more within my reach, and I greatly appreciate it.
> 
> PS, there are some things I won't leave home without and one of them, is the chair in the trunk. Who knew?, great minds think alike!




I need to get a chair! Is it a folding camping chair? I know living XL has one....and I think I'm going to get it this summer when I am out there.


----------



## largenlovely

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Yay for super FAs





DumbAssBunny said:


> And as far as any man preplanning, it is always appreciated. Even to this day, my husband will do something, even if it is small, like putting something more within my reach, and I greatly appreciate it.
> 
> PS, there are some things I won't leave home without and one of them, is the chair in the trunk. Who knew?, great minds think alike!



lol i'm with y'all...thank God for super fa's lol

virgo here too  ....i actually put the chair in the trunk to take on a trip and was too lazy to take it out hahaha, but then i thought about it and was like, hey...i might need that so i just left it in. Best lazy thought i ever had lol


----------



## largenlovely

i probably need to upgrade my chair ...i'd just been using a regular fold out chair and would sit on it very carefully, but i've gained quite a bit of weight since i last used it and probably need to retire that one and find a new one. I think there was a post on the main dims board about this chair you're talking about and some of the girls didn't really like that one



BigBellySSBBW said:


> I need to get a chair! Is it a folding camping chair? I know living XL has one....and I think I'm going to get it this summer when I am out there.


----------



## AnnMarie

Fantastic thread, Melissa... very good!  And there's no doubt, you have an FA who's acutely aware and helpful when it comes to fat girl needs - Bruce is a pro. 

All the points made are totally on target and valuable for any FA who's interested in the SS girls to know. 

Great thread, I hope most of the guys here stay tuned.


----------



## largenlovely

my bad..i don't think they sell car seatbelt extenders on this website, although this website is an EXTREMELY useful ssbbw site  www.amplestuff.com

I have a GM and was able to go to the lot and request one and they ordered it for me free. I believe i would be able to use that extender in any vehicle..not sure exactly. I wish i were more knowledgeable on this......



largenlovely said:


> oh i totally feel ya on this one...you might just have to take it upon yourself to go ahead and get your own seatbelt extender that you can keep in your purse or something. I think they sell them on www.amplestuff.com They definitely come in handy even if you're just going off with friends or whatever.


----------



## largenlovely

Thanks AnnMarie..i'm actually surprised that there hasn't been a previous thread on this topic...i figured i was a repeat lol



AnnMarie said:


> Fantastic thread, Melissa... very good!  And there's no doubt, you have an FA who's acutely aware and helpful when it comes to fat girl needs - Bruce is a pro.
> 
> All the points made are totally on target and valuable for any FA who's interested in the SS girls to know.
> 
> Great thread, I hope most of the guys here stay tuned.


----------



## activistfatgirl

DumbAssBunny said:


> IMHO this has nothing to do with anyone's size, but is his complete lack of consideration for the human being whose life he was holding in his hands when he made the decision to drive badly.
> I am sorry if this wording seems harsh, but this is a complete bone of contention with me. And let me tell you, I was with my husband when he would do this in the beginning. We had made a commitment to each other. I don't think it has anything to do with commitment or size as much as the need for speed that some people have while driving. Trust me, this is the ONE thing that almost broke us up. It took alot of talking, crying, screaming and threatening to make him realize that it was funny and exciting to him and absolutely terrifying to me. I told him repeatedly, I WILL NOT die in an auto accident and that if I did and he was the cause, he better hope he dies with me cause I will haunt him the rest of his days.
> Thankfully this changed soon enough and is no longer a desire for him.
> If this guy likes you and repects you, he will slow down whether you are wearing a seatbelt or not. It is up to you how many chances you give him and how you approach it with him. I would definitely tell him that you do not want it to happen again and if he wants to drive that way he should do it when you are not in the car.
> Most times, the little speed monsters realize it is much more fun to go a little slower and catch the sight of their beautiful companion bouncing along next to them, then the itty bitty rush from their risky driving.
> 
> 
> Who knows, maybe he will buy you flowers or something as an apology. (just saying in case, he is a member, and needs a hint) hint hint



HA! I appreciate this post cause I often back down on things like this even though I was obviously pissed. He wasn't driving over the speed limit, by the way, which was the first gd thing he said. GRRRRRRR!

This is why I drive everywhere whenever I can. I can NOT handle this either, glad you worked it out with the hubby.

Though, can I say, that I'm disappointed in my choice of a car. I have a early 2000s chevy cavalier that fits me just barely. I can buckle my own seat belt (but it's tight - you know one of those fits where you have to take off your winter coat?). I thought far enough to accomodate myself, but I didn't think about other SS folks who I'd love to share rides with.

I've dated on SSBHM and he awkwardly gets in and I don't know that I've ever seen him put on a seatbelt. I JUST realized this. I do this to OTHER people in MY car. Damn.

As L&L said, I think its time to think about purchasing a seat belt extender. I don't want to pay it forward to other fatties I'd like to drive around. And I do love to drive me some fatties!


----------



## AnnMarie

largenlovely said:


> Thanks AnnMarie..i'm actually surprised that there hasn't been a previous thread on this topic...i figured i was a repeat lol




I think it's been touched on as tangents in other threads, but nothing as direct as this... so it's a great resource... and I think I'm going to stick it. It's going to be a wealth of information, would be a great place for guys to drop questions and get helpful/informative answers - maybe without the dose of snark that often welcomes them.


----------



## D_A_Bunny

My chair is a metal folding chair that is made to be stronger to hold more weight. I bought the set of four a few years ago to go to a wedding and now I don't know what I would do without them. 
I will try to find them again online and post a link. They have a cross bar on each set of legs and the little thing on the side that keeps them from bending from too much weight is double reinforced.
As far as the outside chair, I had one and the tops of the legs dug into my thighs and that was uncomfortable. Plus, they need to be on a NON smooth surface. The little feet need something to hold onto for traction or they will slip and you can go kaplut on the floor (I know, I have)

And I would have to say that as an SSBBW, seating, or lack thereof, is my BIGGEST concern in my "fat" life. I think about the seating in every situation I may or may not have.

I have spent many nights trying to design the PERFECT chair for a big person. That would be strong, comfortable and portable. When I do, you will all be the first to know. Maybe that will be my million dollars, huh?


----------



## activistfatgirl

One more thing I'd add:

Be careful about assuming mobility for different fat and SS folks. There's such a wide variety of mobility issues, even for folks at the same weight and height. There's a lot of things that factor in, and some SS folks could be upset if it IS assumed that they'd need a drop off, or constantly asked if need a rest when they don't. At least for me, I want to do the most possible in all situations, and that could vary from day to day even! 

Good communication is key in striking that balance.

and one more: If you're over 300 lbs with a blister and anywhere on the island of Manhattan, it's going to be a stressful situation. I'm convinced there ARE NO CHAIRS anywhere on the island. Heh!


----------



## Blackjack

Oddly enough, this was one of the things that I took into consideration when I got a new car last year- that is, fat girl fittability.

i iz lerning!

Really, some of it is learned through experience, or hearing about it... but it didn't really take long, for me at least, until it became unconscious that I noticed where the chairs were wider, or armless, all this stuff that I never really took note of before.

But there's still a lot that's there to be learned, and some of that was just brought up here. 

EDIT: Glad this got stickied, it happened before I finished writing it


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

activistfatgirl said:


> HA! I appreciate this post cause I often back down on things like this even though I was obviously pissed. He wasn't driving over the speed limit, by the way, which was the first gd thing he said. GRRRRRRR!
> 
> This is why I drive everywhere whenever I can. I can NOT handle this either, glad you worked it out with the hubby.
> 
> Though, can I say, that I'm disappointed in my choice of a car. I have a early 2000s chevy cavalier that fits me just barely. I can buckle my own seat belt (but it's tight - you know one of those fits where you have to take off your winter coat?). I thought far enough to accomodate myself, but I didn't think about other SS folks who I'd love to share rides with.
> 
> I've dated on SSBHM and he awkwardly gets in and I don't know that I've ever seen him put on a seatbelt. I JUST realized this. I do this to OTHER people in MY car. Damn.
> 
> As L&L said, I think its time to think about purchasing a seat belt extender. I don't want to pay it forward to other fatties I'd like to drive around. And I do love to drive me some fatties!



I had a 97 chevy cavalier and the dealership gave me 2 extenders free..you shouldnt have to purchase anything!


----------



## activistfatgirl

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I had a 97 chevy cavalier and the dealership gave me 2 extenders free..you shouldnt have to purchase anything!



Well, I sorta got my car at a not-quite-so-savory place, not a dealership, so maybe that's one for the record books. I would have never have thought to ask for that even if I bought direct from a big-name dealership.


----------



## D_A_Bunny

activistfatgirl said:


> One more thing I'd add:
> 
> Be careful about assuming mobility for different fat and SS folks. There's such a wide variety of mobility issues, even for folks at the same weight and height. There's a lot of things that factor in, and some SS folks could be upset if it IS assumed that they'd need a drop off, or constantly asked if need a rest when they don't. At least for me, I want to do the most possible in all situations, and that could vary from day to day even!
> 
> Good communication is key in striking that balance.




I completely agree. I read posts and look at pictures and am amazed at how many things the big people here DO. I am less mobile and by nature am lazy and spoiled, so I tend to take advantage of any opportunity to rest or walk less. 

And I think that it is worth saying again -

COMMUNICATION AND CONSIDERATION matter the most in ALL relationships.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Blackjack said:


> Oddly enough, this was one of the things that I took into consideration when I got a new car last year- that is, fat girl fittability.
> 
> i iz lerning!
> 
> Really, some of it is learned through experience, or hearing about it... but it didn't really take long, for me at least, until it became unconscious that I noticed where the chairs were wider, or armless, all this stuff that I never really took note of before.
> 
> But there's still a lot that's there to be learned, and some of that was just brought up here.
> 
> EDIT: Glad this got stickied, it happened before I finished writing it



I just had a great business idea! I could rent myself out as a trial SSBBW girlfriend and I could tell you all the things wrong with the situations you present, lol. That would be an awesome job


----------



## largenlovely

yes definitely interested in that link!!! and i'll be your biggest customer if ya come up with the perfect chair..well..maybe not the biggest, but you'll get my money lol



DumbAssBunny said:


> I will try to find them again online and post a link.
> And I would have to say that as an SSBBW, seating, or lack thereof, is my BIGGEST concern in my "fat" life. I think about the seating in every situation I may or may not have.
> I have spent many nights trying to design the PERFECT chair for a big person. That would be strong, comfortable and portable. When I do, you will all be the first to know. Maybe that will be my million dollars, huh?


----------



## largenlovely

oh no i didn't buy mine from a dealership either, i got it from some ratty old car place here lol, but if you own a GM car and go to the dealership they will totally order you a seatbelt extender for free. 



activistfatgirl said:


> Well, I sorta got my car at a not-quite-so-savory place, not a dealership, so maybe that's one for the record books. I would have never have thought to ask for that even if I bought direct from a big-name dealership.


----------



## largenlovely

roflmao!! too funny



BigBellySSBBW said:


> I just had a great business idea! I could rent myself out as a trial SSBBW girlfriend and I could tell you all the things wrong with the situations you present, lol. That would be an awesome job


----------



## Blackjack

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I just had a great business idea! I could rent myself out as a trial SSBBW girlfriend and I could tell you all the things wrong with the situations you present, lol. That would be an awesome job



We could totally do like a Good Idea/Bad Idea thing with it, like they had on Animaniacs.


----------



## D_A_Bunny

If I may tell a personal story that meant alot to me.

Many years ago, my sister in law was graduating with her Masters. The actual graduation was on a weekday and only my inlaws went, but we were all going out to a restaurant after dinner to celebrate. It was one that noone had been to yet.
Although my inlaws obviously knew I was fat, we had only begun using the term "fat friendly" in front of them awhile before that, to make them aware of certain things that affected me specifically.
Well, to my great surprise, they were "aware" enough to go to the restaurant a week ahead and scout it out. When they called to invite us, they also stated, "and we went there in person to make the reservations. The table we are getting is very roomy and accessable and the chairs are armless, wood chairs."
I was jumping up and down with joy. They actually went out of their way to do this and it proved that they "got it". 
That was one of the best dinners I ever had.


----------



## largenlovely

aawwwwww!!!! that is so nice

it was a huge relief to me when Bruce's mom laughed off me breaking the bed. She was very nice about it and it was a huge relief to me. It's so nice when they are also making an effort



DumbAssBunny said:


> If I may tell a personal story that meant alot to me.
> 
> Many years ago, my sister in law was graduating with her Masters. The actual graduation was on a weekday and only my inlaws went, but we were all going out to a restaurant after dinner to celebrate. It was one that noone had been to yet.
> Although my inlaws obviously knew I was fat, we had only begun using the term "fat friendly" in front of them awhile before that, to make them aware of certain things that affected me specificly.
> Well, to my great surprise, they were "aware" enough to go to the restaurant a week ahead and scout it out. When they called to invite us, they also stated, "and we went there in person to make the reservations. The table we are getting is very roomy and accessable and the chairs are armless, wood chairs."
> I was jumping up and down with joy. They actually went out of their way to do this and it proved that they "got it".
> That was one of the best dinners I ever had.


----------



## largenlovely

it's fabulous to see you fellas pay attention 



Blackjack said:


> Oddly enough, this was one of the things that I took into consideration when I got a new car last year- that is, fat girl fittability.i iz lerning! Really, some of it is learned through experience, or hearing about it... but it didn't really take long, for me at least, until it became unconscious that I noticed where the chairs were wider, or armless, all this stuff that I never really took note of before.
> 
> But there's still a lot that's there to be learned, and some of that was just brought up here.
> 
> EDIT: Glad this got stickied, it happened before I finished writing it


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Good thread idea.


----------



## largenlovely

hahaha i've been waiting for you to post a pic of your car in this thread



BothGunsBlazing said:


> Good thread idea.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

largenlovely said:


> hahaha i've been waiting for you to post a pic of your car in this thread



ahaha ah yes, my car. I am working on it. I can't find my camera!

the car provided me with the most hilarious moment with my mother ever though.

Mum: how come this seat is so low? what is with the passenger side?

Me: uhhhhh .. 

Mum: .. oh dear god, it's because you date fat girls isn't it? 

Me: .. I rule (can't actually remember if this was my exact response or not, but close enough)


----------



## UncannyBruceman

Ruby Ripples said:


> LMAO that's hilarious!! *picturing Bruce all horny and bulgy and Melissa mortified*



That's exactly how it was...she looked like she saw a ghost. But surprisingly, my folks were okay about it.


----------



## largenlovely

that car is OFFICIALLY the fat girl pimp mobile lol



BothGunsBlazing said:


> ahaha ah yes, my car. I am working on it. I can't find my camera!
> 
> the car provided me with the most hilarious moment with my mother ever though.
> 
> Mum: how come this seat is so low? what is with the passenger side?
> 
> Me: uhhhhh ..
> 
> Mum: .. oh dear god, it's because you date fat girls isn't it?
> 
> Me: .. I rule (can't actually remember if this was my exact response or not, but close enough)


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

UncannyBruceman said:


> That's exactly how it was...she looked like she saw a ghost. But surprisingly, my folks were okay about it.



LOL...Id be rich if I got paid everytime I said "I know this is going to turn you on, but......" LOL. Some of your boys are so predictable it's cute!


----------



## UncannyBruceman

AnnMarie said:


> Fantastic thread, Melissa... very good!  And there's no doubt, you have an FA who's acutely aware and helpful when it comes to fat girl needs - Bruce is a pro.



And furthermore, there are certain needs that I cater for her that can't really be talked about in an open forum. WOOOOO!!!


----------



## largenlovely

UncannyBruceman said:


> That's exactly how it was...she looked like she saw a ghost. But surprisingly, my folks were okay about it.



after you had to practically PRY me from your bedroom to go tell your mom hahaha...but yes, thankfully they were very good about it



BigBellySSBBW said:


> LOL...Id be rich if I got paid everytime I said "I know this is going to turn you on, but......" LOL. Some of your boys are so predictable it's cute!



LOL he was concerned about telling her too (neither of us knew how she would react)...so at least he waited until i had calmed down til he allowed himself to get overly excited about it hahaha


----------



## UncannyBruceman

BigBellySSBBW said:


> LOL...Id be rich if I got paid everytime I said "I know this is going to turn you on, but......" LOL. Some of your boys are so predictable it's cute!



Not to mention appreciative in some of the most unique instances (thumbs up).


----------



## largenlovely

i dunno..i think i may have let some of those outta the bag on other posts LOL



UncannyBruceman said:


> And furthermore, there are certain needs that I cater for her that can't really be talked about in an open forum. WOOOOO!!!


----------



## AnnMarie

UncannyBruceman said:


> And furthermore, there are certain needs that I cater for her that can't really be talked about in an open forum. WOOOOO!!!




LOL.... too true, I'm sure!


----------



## largenlovely

ya know, just to continue adding to this...there are also other thoughtful things one can do, once in a committed relationship and a couple becomes comfortable with each other....shaving our legs is a mega bitch or even shaving OTHER areas for that matter, putting on socks and tying shoes...

Bruce has helped me dye my hair since it's so long i had a hard time getting all of it in the back...and a good FA will have a hard time resisting when ya get all pouty and ask them to paint your toenails cuz ya can't reach your toes hehe. 

We came down here to visit my family for my birthday last year. We got a handicapped room, but unbeknownst to both of us, that meant there was a huge open shower and i have problems standing long enough to shower without sitting periodically (i will usually use the side of the tub to sit periodically while bathing if i take a shower, but there was NO tub lol)...but a good man will make that easy on ya, and he did.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Amen to the "a good FA" bit...all I have to do is pout a little and Mike will know I need help with something....although, I don't know if I trust him with nail polis, lol.....I want red nails...not red toes!


----------



## AnnMarie

Nail polish trick for girls AND guys who might try to help them. 

Paint the nails and just let it get on your skin - do NOT try to wipe it off, just let it all dry. 

Take a shower, after the shower, rub all around your nails with a wash cloth and voila... perfect pedicure, the dried polish comes right off your skin as long as it's a thick coat and not a wiped remnant.


----------



## Blackjack

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Amen to the "a good FA" bit...all I have to do is pout a little and Mike will know I need help with something....although, I don't know if I trust him with nail polis, lol.....I want red nails...not red toes!



Hey, so what if I don't color inside the lines? I get the parts that matter, don't I? 

^ That's my defense and I'm STICKIN TO IT


----------



## largenlovely

oh wow i did not know that!! so maybe if Bruce isn't around i'll just gain momentum, thrust myself forward, and swipe the end of the brush at my toes and not worry where it winds up hahhaha ...though i suppose i'll need him for the wash cloth part lol



AnnMarie said:


> Nail polish trick for girls AND guys who might try to help them.
> 
> Paint the nails and just let it get on your skin - do NOT try to wipe it off, just let it all dry.
> 
> Take a shower, after the shower, rub all around your nails with a wash cloth and voila... perfect pedicure, the dried polish comes right off your skin as long as it's a thick coat and not a wiped remnant.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

AnnMarie said:


> Nail polish trick for girls AND guys who might try to help them.
> 
> Paint the nails and just let it get on your skin - do NOT try to wipe it off, just let it all dry.
> 
> Take a shower, after the shower, rub all around your nails with a wash cloth and voila... perfect pedicure, the dried polish comes right off your skin as long as it's a thick coat and not a wiped remnant.



And that's exactly how I do it, lmao. I just reach as far as I can with the brush...scribble til Im sure my nails are done....and my toes get covered...but I shower after they are dry and it all comes off Thought I was the only one with that secret


----------



## bigirlover

Oh, I'd so be a great SSBBW's boyfriend!  Guess the Mini Cooper's gotta go!


----------



## largenlovely

yep..sell that mini cooper to some mini girl lol



bigirlover said:


> Oh, I'd so be a great SSBBW's boyfriend!  Guess the Mini Cooper's gotta go!


----------



## liz (di-va)

I enjoy wearing Mini Coopers as a nice brooch or pendant.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

DARN IT, I've given out too much rep in the last 24 hours. Liz, I can't stop laughing!

Lissa, what a WONDERFUL thread! I love it! Great posts by everyone involved. 

I've always been ferociously independent - but I've found I do love having the little things done for me. It's really, really nice.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

BigBeautifulMe said:


> DARN IT, I've given out too much rep in the last 24 hours. Liz, I can't stop laughing!
> 
> Lissa, what a WONDERFUL thread! I love it! Great posts by everyone involved.
> 
> I've always been ferociously independent - but I've found I do love having the little things done for me. It's really, really nice.




I used to be very independent...sometimes to a point that would push guys away. I tried a different approach with Mike and I snagged the guy of my dreams! now that I'm getting older and gravity is taking over (getting bigger w/o gaining weight) I do need more help...so it is nice to have trained someone totally for me needs I do miss how independent I used to be in the states though....the old me would cringe at how I ask mike to help me off the sofa.


----------



## imfree

BigBeautifulMe said:


> DARN IT, I've given out too much rep in the last 24 hours. Liz, I can't stop laughing!...........snipped......................



I got her for you, BBM. That was really funny!


----------



## UncannyBruceman

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I've always been ferociously independent - but I've found I do love having the little things done for me. It's really, really nice.



Being a good FA is not just a job, it's an adventure!


----------



## Mini

Blackjack said:


> Hey, so what if I don't color inside the lines? I get the parts that matter, don't I?
> 
> ^ That's my defense and I'm STICKIN TO IT



Yeah, any girlfriend of mine who asks me to help her paint her toenails would only be silly enough to do it once. She would look like a clown with Down's Syndrome once I got through with her.


----------



## Gspoon

Well, honestly.

I'd need to actually know how dating goes for a SSBBW, never had one. I have a truck, and my ex who was 230 had no problem climbing in.

But for an SSBBW, I'd need to actually date one to know how it goes!


----------



## Ample Pie

largenlovely said:


> oh goodness hon that sounds like a bad experience  whatever it was, i'm sorry you had to go through it



No, not really...just stuff I've seen around in general.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Gspoon said:


> Well, honestly.
> 
> I'd need to actually know how dating goes for a SSBBW, never had one. I have a truck, and my ex who was 230 had no problem climbing in.
> 
> But for an SSBBW, I'd need to actually date one to know how it goes!


That might be the best pickup line ever. lol. Good luck with that!


----------



## liz (di-va)

I was thinkin o other things....I really tried to not duplicate, do scuse if I do, cause I bet I did. 

- If we're at a cust service window and I'm leaning on it in a way that makes you feel like I'm pushing somebody else's personal space, or leaning on anything (cf Ruby's freezer) when it seems like I shouldn't--tilting weirdly in elevators to use the hand rail-- I'm only doing that to keep from falling down and embarrassing everybody even more. Heh. It means I have a bad back and standing in lines, etc., which I know is awful for everybody, is harder than it should be for me and I'm less able to just...suck up into a regulated amount of personal space while it's going on.

- Be prepared for me to take a while getting ready for things, showering, etc. Not insane Zsa Zsa amounts of time but...you know.

- Be prepared to have your momentum feel like it's interrupted, i.e., stoppin to rest when it feels like you just got going. Never fear, it's just what I gotta do to get to next step. Won't last.

- Be prepared for me to have to think carefully (more carefully than I want to) about packing/take up a lot of space in suitcase with my stuff, esp if we're flying. Be prepared for me to have to think too much about flying, period (hydration, bathroom access, aisle seats, buying extra seats, getting around the airport, bad cust service experiences...).

- Remember that it's often hard for me to just replace things I lose (clothing, prescriptions, toiletries). Esp clothes. Like if we're on the road or something. Also comes into play for long-term, i.e., special occasions...might need more time to find something, like that fitted scuba suit or whatever.

- Food is definitely a completely individualistic thing for a lot of reasons, but sometimes fat girls really don't eat often enough. Some people don't get that. Either way, I like it when somebody notices if I haven't eaten for 18 hrs.

- Dosages for medicines can be diff. And fat girls are not all power drinkers...we run from lightweights to heavyweights.

- If I hang my head out the car window like a dog, it won't last too long, don't worry.

- Be prepared to wait if I'm in the loo. Just cause. Be prepared for me to have to sniff out a couple if one doesn't work.

- Be prepared for people to treat me weird (whole other topic that--one that has been covered). Not always! Whatever! But everybody has their own way they like to deal with that.
- Be prepared....to be ecstastically happy! :kiss2: ahahahahah. Just wanted to end on a sillygirly note.


----------



## Ample Pie

liz (di-va) said:


> - Be prepared for people to treat me weird (whole other topic that--one that has been covered). Not always! Whatever! But everybody has their own way they like to deal with that.



As an addendum to this, be prepared to be noticed in general--in good ways and in bad. SSBBW don't really blend in too well !


----------



## liz (di-va)

One last thing forgot to add: Diners/coffee shops are the joy of my life, but booths the bane of my existence. Prepare for some dissonance there.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Be prepared for some contradiction. I may know of a certain place that has booths that I know I fit in....or a theatre with small seats that I have figured out how to work it for me.....if I lead the way, follow me, it does not mean however that I will fit in just any place just because I have found a few places that work for me.


----------



## AnnMarie

I'd like to expand on the airport thing, which Keith learned about first hand earlier this year. 

Anything that raises my anxiety level lessens* my ability to handle stress - at all. Airports are an extremely anxious thing for me, even though I consider myself a very well-versed in handling the issues that could come up. I'm a pro-fattie and I know my way around, what to ask for, how to prepare, etc. 

However, the airport is FULL of trouble lurking around every corner, so please be prepared that: 

I want to get there early - really early, annoyingly early because the amount of walking or unexpected obstacles is something that neither you nor I can account for. If it means I have to sit for an hour or more at the gate, then that's how it has to be for me. 

The anxiety once I'm in the airport, but before I'm sitting waiting at the gate, is the height of it. I'm worried about the lines and how long I'll be standing, I'm worried about the minutes that are ticking away stealing precious leisurely walking minutes from me. I'm worried about how far the gate is - "right there" isn't "right there" for me all the time, sometimes it's "all the fuck the way down there"... prepare for sighing. 

I may or may not need to rest... if I'm trucking along, try to just go with it. I will either just keep moving to get where I'm going so I can alleviate the anxiety, or if I drop in a seat somewhere, know that I did it because I have to... I'll only be there a minute or two, but it's necessary. 

If you have to go to the bathroom, or smoke, or browse the bookstore, I would be more at ease and less anxious if that was done when there is no time crunch, once we're at the gate. The gate is where all my focus is. Once I'm there I can breathe again - the walking is over, and I'm going to destress. Everything that gets in my way and takes minutes between the front door and the gate.... all of that is something that raises my stress and makes me worried. 

You might be able to make up time, but I can't... it's just not possible for me to run through the airport. I've put hours of time and thought and worry into how I'm going to get my body to that gate - PLEASE just let me do it. 

Layovers are our WORST nightmare. Please just follow our lead and go, go, go... get to the next gate. You can do whatever you want when we get there - just be there when it's time to board. 


Boarding.... I will pre-board. I'd like you to pre-board with me so that I'm not the only freak, and I clearly have a nice guy with me. We will get on, I will ask for my extender, and we'll go to get settled. I will get the window. Not because I'm a greedy girl, but because the indent at the window allows more room for my fat arms so the aisle people and carts are not smashing into me through the whole trip. 

I need a minute to get situated, to get in the seat, get the seatbelt out from under my ass and get in there. I want this all done before other people are on board, so I'm settled. I'm going to be moving quick to get to "normal" stage. Please just go with the flow as far as requests to "grab this" "can you hand me..." , etc. 

Disembarking - This is a tricky thing, but if you do it right for us, we'll love you forever. I can't stand up in my seat like everyone else does when they're ready to get off. I also can't get up and wait in the aisle... it's too long to stand probably, given how long it can take to get off. This is what I'd love (and love you, honey, for doing it :wubu - please get up when everyone else does and get our overhead stuff out. Move back enough that you're leaving our seat end open, and put one of our bags in front of you to save the space. When the people in front of us finally move up and are getting off, you stay in place and let me get out in front of you. You are acting as my block so I'm not trying to do these crazy plane moves in front of strangers, and you'll be behind me while I bump into every seat on the way off the plane. You're a peach and just made my life a bit easier.  

When we get off the plane, I'm going to have to pee asap - so just follow me and be prepared to bag watch. I probably won't stop at the first one (rookie mistake!), so just keep going until I find the one with no line (see, the other one involves holding pee AND standing.... fatties don't like that). 

If you can manage to put up with us during one of these situations, you're a great guy. It's just one of the most stressful things we go through, and I can't explain how awful it can be (even when it goes off without a hitch)... but if you can just be along with us, there, and understand that we hate it as much as you do ..... you're going to be appreciated more than you can know. 



I know much of this may be AM-specific, but it's probably my most stressed time ever and even one FA reads this and keeps things in mind when traveling with a fatty, then I'm glad I wrote it.


----------



## largenlovely

I used to be just as equally independant as well. I ripped my ACL in my knee and that was all she wrote for me. The docs have told me what is wrong but have also told me they won't perform surgery to fix it *eyeroll* yet had i asked for WLS i'm sure they would've been more than happy to have accommodated. 

So...a weak knee, plus an added number of pounds over the last couple years, i have become less independant. I still manage to find ways to do things that need to get done, by myself..for instance lol, the bed here is too high for me...sooooo i have just placed a egg crate thingy beside it and step on it to use as a springboard to help me bounce into the bed lol..though it's not gonna last for forever, gonna have to find something to replace that lol

Though ...having Bruce by my side to help with these things makes life a lot easier and just a lot sweeter in general because he cares and wants to make sure i'm taken care of.





BigBellySSBBW said:


> I used to be very independent...sometimes to a point that would push guys away.


----------



## largenlovely

might wanna borrow a friends car if you decide to go out with an SSBBW hon ..depending on the difficulty level of the truck that is hehe



Gspoon said:


> Well, honestly.
> 
> I'd need to actually know how dating goes for a SSBBW, never had one. I have a truck, and my ex who was 230 had no problem climbing in.
> 
> But for an SSBBW, I'd need to actually date one to know how it goes!


----------



## largenlovely

I can totally agree with that..for sure. I have actually had to come to terms with being pushed in the chair, but that can lead to other problems. EVERYTIME i have flown into LaGuardia, specifically, nobody there wants to push me. Last time i was there they kept me and another overweight fella waiting for around 30 minutes at least. It is so frustrating. I understand that we're harder to push, but damnit employ people who are capable of pushing EVERYONE. 

I have had women show up to push me and then see my size and walk away. I've had grown adult strong men fight over who was going to push me, in my FACE, but i had to pee so badly that all i could muster was "can someone PLEASE get me to a bathroom????" 

I have also had some very nice people make sure i got to the gate and spoke to the person at the desk to make sure i was in a seat with nobody beside me, and for that i make sure to tip well...but it sure is frustrating when the majority of the time i have to deal with the previous scenario




AnnMarie said:


> Airports are an extremely anxious thing for me,


----------



## Jon Blaze

I've considered it, but I don't know what size my partner will be in actuality. I can't really plan ahead in some cases for that reason. Well, the car part I mean. After awhile: Yea. It's probably going to kick in. 

And I might make considerate calls and the like for similar reasons, but while some of these guidelines are objective, I think some are not. With ANY size partner that I date, I might make my plans, but I go about it with a mostly neutral outlook. These would be an example of something that might be in the back of my head. 

I agree with most of the responses, and the gist of this though. It's like what RedVelvet said: The whole "BBW/SSBBWs running around in heels everyday" dream thingy that isn't real. 

But every relationship has its hardships.

(And my last ex was about the same size as Master Spoons'. 5'4ish, and 240ish maybe? If I can imagine that she might have trouble with some place that I'm at [Or even me i.e. the DAMN FUCKIN' airplane seats that we all have trouble with! ], then I'd probably plan ahead in someway if I knew what to do in the case of someone larger. 

Thanks for the thread. Arigato.


----------



## SoVerySoft

AnnMarie said:


> I'd like to expand on the airport thing, which Keith learned about first hand earlier this year...



100% on target. Every detail. I could have written this! omg.

Like Melissa I've gotten the wheelchair for the airport - but only did that once - last year when I had to go to Chicago. I didn't have her bad experiences, fortunately. I felt self conscious but! it made a WORLD of difference for that part of the trip. Truly.


----------



## mszwebs

Blackjack said:


> Oddly enough, this was one of the things that I took into consideration when I got a new car last year- that is, fat girl fittability.
> 
> *i iz lerning!*
> 
> Really, some of it is learned through experience, or hearing about it... but it didn't really take long, for me at least, until it became unconscious that I noticed where the chairs were wider, or armless, all this stuff that I never really took note of before.
> 
> But there's still a lot that's there to be learned, and some of that was just brought up here.
> 
> EDIT: Glad this got stickied, it happened before I finished writing it




It's true...When I met Beej, I had a choice of either a modestly wide chair with arms or a recliner. Beej graciously offered to let me have the recliner if I needed it. I chose the modestly wide chair with arms...but I very much appreciated the offer :kiss2:


----------



## UncannyBruceman

SoVerySoft said:


> 100% on target. Every detail. I could have written this! omg.
> 
> Like Melissa I've gotten the wheelchair for the airport - but only did that once - last year when I had to go to Chicago. I didn't have her bad experiences



Them La Guardia boys are a bunch of fuckin' PUSSIES. I rolled her around with little effort for a good two hours when she came up her for New Years. Unfortunately, we somehow always wind up booking her flights before I need to report to work, so I can't always stay behind and personally oversee her boarding the plane...but we won't have to bother with that for much longer.


----------



## SocialbFly

these posts are soooo good, i find that many men love dating bbws, but have NO idea what dating an SSBBW means, but not only that, it has been an education to my friends as well, like while they were out hiking the hills of san diego zoo (f*ck that!) or walking up and down the beach (does anyone else notice they sink more in the bloody sand, it is hard work walking shifting sands!) but i digress, i could go on and on..

my friends are learning a long with me, Stacy recently said lets go to see Cher, and i was like , um, where the hell do you think i am going to put my ass so i can fit in the seat?yeah, even being friends with an ssbbw can be tricky...just saying...


Awesome thread and soooo many great suggestions, i want to copy and paste them all together and give it out before i accept a date...so few of the men i have dated have had a clue about dating me...

THANK YOU!!!


----------



## ripley

First off....LOVING this thread. Been reppin' like a darn fool.




Secondly...our bodies are different. We are not just bigger thin girls. That belly you love? Well, it touches skin-on-skin 24/7/365...sometimes it will be a darker color underneath, or where it touches our thighs, or will chafe...sometimes we'll have powder or creams in there. Sometimes it might even get a pimple or boil. If this grosses you out or turns you off perhaps you aren't meant for a SS girlfriend. 


And I'd like to reiterate that just about everything takes me longer to accomplish. I need to rest in front of the fan after I shower and before I dress. I need rest stops, to sit and recharge. I don't like standing for long periods. 



What it comes down to, is that we want a nice, thoughtful guy. Kindness is paramount, and if you show it to us you're halfway home. :wubu:




ETA: Oh, and a LOT of SS women (all??) snore.  If you're lucky enough to sleep next to one, tell her she sounds cute and give her a kiss. Trust me, she'll love you for it.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

SocialbFly said:


> Awesome thread and soooo many great suggestions, i want to copy and paste them all together and give it out before i accept a date...so few of the men i have dated have had a clue about dating me...



The funniest part of it is that women in ALL relationships (big and small) can easily complain that their needs aren't being met...such is not always the case when a hot fat girl finds a guys that takes care of her the way she deserves.

(and I'll gladly say this to the skinny bitches who tried to give our girls a hard time on Tyra Banks)


----------



## largenlovely

also very good points...it happens when legs rub together too  thank GOD for powder lol



ripley said:


> Secondly...our bodies are different. We are not just bigger thin girls. That belly you love? Well, it touches skin-on-skin 24/7/365...sometimes it will be a darker color underneath, or where it touches our thighs, or will chafe...sometimes we'll have powder or creams in there. Sometimes it might even get a pimple or boil. If this grosses you out or turns you off perhaps you aren't meant for a SS girlfriend.
> 
> ETA: Oh, and a LOT of SS women (all??) snore.  If you're lucky enough to sleep next to one, tell her she sounds cute and give her a kiss. Trust me, she'll love you for it.


----------



## mszwebs

ripley said:


> ETA: Oh, and a LOT of SS women (all??) snore.  If you're lucky enough to sleep next to one, tell her she sounds cute and give her a kiss. Trust me, she'll love you for it.




Oh my God. I was SOOOOOOOO self concious of that that last time I slept next to someone. Like...I would hear myself doing it in my sleep and wake up. I got very little sleep that night...mostly cause I didn't want to miss a moment of laying there, but also cause I was too afraid of snoring right in the guys face...lol.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

ripley said:


> ETA: Oh, and a LOT of SS women (all??) snore.  If you're lucky enough to sleep next to one, tell her she sounds cute and give her a kiss. Trust me, she'll love you for it.



As a light sleeper (I've been woken up by cats walking around in the house), this is one of the few things I have problems with. Nothing that a shot of Bendryl can't cure for me.


----------



## largenlovely

lol i must drive you crazy hon



UncannyBruceman said:


> As a light sleeper (I've been woken up by cats walking around in the house), this is one of the few things I have problems with. Nothing that a shot of Bendryl can't cure for me.


----------



## chocolate desire

This is a great thread Melissa. I am glad that my guy is smart enough to know what needs I have and willing to do everything he can to meet them.
He is the first real FA that I have ever dated that I have not had tell explain my body cannot do this or that or sit here or there.I dont think he came pretrained he is just really smart like that lol.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

largenlovely said:


> lol i must drive you crazy hon



Yep. Crazy-in-love.


----------



## SocialbFly

the snoring thing i can totally relate to, i slept with this one incred hot guy, who i never saw again, cause he just couldnt get off the fact that i snored, i had been up for fricking 26 hours, drove 4 hours to see him and he had the nerve to bitch that i snored....as if.....like i CHOSE to snore, just to piss him off (he was post call too).


yeah, we fat people do snore, fact of life...get over it...lol

I couldnt rep ya Rip, but i tried...


----------



## largenlovely

*dreamy sigh* less than a month :wubu::kiss2: hehe



UncannyBruceman said:


> Yep. Crazy-in-love.


----------



## largenlovely

it's wonderful isn't it? Bruce is my first REAL FA and first real love...not until i met him have i experienced what it means for a man to love, care and look after me. He's always making sure to think ahead and God i love him for it :wubu:




chocolate desire said:


> This is a great thread Melissa. I am glad that my guy is smart enough to know what needs I have and willing to do everything he can to meet them.
> He is the first real FA that I have ever dated that I have not had tell explain my body cannot do this or that or sit here or there.I dont think he came pretrained he is just really smart like that lol.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

largenlovely said:


> it's wonderful isn't it? Bruce is my first REAL FA and first real love...not until i met him have i experienced what it means for a man to love, care and look after me. He's always making sure to think ahead and God i love him for it :wubu:



You're going to dispel the rumors that I'm a total son of a bitch if you keep talking like this.


----------



## ripley

largenlovely said:


> it's wonderful isn't it? Bruce is my first REAL FA and first real love...not until i met him have i experienced what it means for a man to love, care and look after me. He's always making sure to think ahead and God i love him for it :wubu:



All of us single SS girls hate you now, you know that right?


----------



## largenlovely

oh honey the people that hate ya..hate ya pretty good, they're not going to believe me lol 



UncannyBruceman said:


> You're going to dispel the rumors that I'm a total son of a bitch if you keep talking like this.


----------



## largenlovely

let me quote Peter Griffin...looooooooooooooove you <3 :wubu: lol



ripley said:


> All of us single SS girls hate you now, you know that right?


----------



## ripley

heh, love you too, dammit


----------



## NoWayOut

I haven't thought about it yet, but yeah, my car would probably be too small. At this point in my life, though, there's not a lot I can do about it, being in college.


----------



## gangstadawg

Rebecca said:


> Worse yet is when they don't know and then get mad when they find out. So hurtful. I'll be patient and helpful if you won't be shocked by and rude about the special circumstances of the lives of the supersized .


i try to be accomodating of both bbws and ssbbws so they can be confortable. i kinda hate asking a bbw or ssbbw what is there weight and how there body is set up (like pear shape or hourglass and etc...) bt after 2 bad dates because i didnt see how the places were accomodating the dates went badly. 

for example one ssbbw i went out with lied and told me she was 350lbs apple/pear shaped mix but when i saw her she had to be around 400-450lbs. and the place i wanted to take her to ( AMC in southfield, mi) wouldnt be confortable for her at all be caus of the seats so i had to take her to AMC fairlane with the moving armrest so she could be confortable.


----------



## Emma

What a great idea for a thread. I've only read the first page so far but I wanted to post already as I was just thinking about a cute little thing Nik did when I was first coming to visit him here. 

I'd never seen his house and he told me he had a big book case at the bottom of the staires that took up a lot of room so he'd spent ages trying to move this big heavy thing but something happened and he couldn't move it in the end. He was so sweet in the way he tried to explain and felt really bad for it. I was a bit worried but when I went to his house I realised there was lots of space between the bookcase and the staires and he was just being waaaaay waaay over cautious. lol Very sweet.


----------



## TCUBOB

Hey, no, I get it....I myself am not a wee mon by any stretch of the im-a-gi-na-shion. But even at 6' 6", 300, I fit more places than I might think I would.

I've given up, however, on ever being able to lower a tray table again. It's just not gonna happen.


----------



## Brach311

SocialbFly said:


> the snoring thing i can totally relate to, i slept with this one incred hot guy, who i never saw again, cause he just couldnt get off the fact that i snored, i had been up for fricking 26 hours, drove 4 hours to see him and he had the nerve to bitch that i snored....as if.....like i CHOSE to snore, just to piss him off (he was post call too).
> 
> 
> yeah, we fat people do snore, fact of life...get over it...lol
> 
> I couldnt rep ya Rip, but i tried...



To be honest the snoring does kind of bug me too but I just roll them over and then spoon them and cuddle from behind so they think i'm sweet.


----------



## JohnWylde

Well both my lil baby and I have been accused by partners of snoring in the past but when we got together, neither of us snored! Until she got mad at me that is and somehow she managed to snore quite loudly that night!

I did find a solution - I found that continually caressing curves worked quite well - althought it was at the risk of a strong backhand :blush:

PS: I think that well over 50% of the population snore both fat and thin and in between!

John W

(Adoring FA)




ripley said:


> First off....LOVING this thread. Been reppin' like a darn fool.
> 
> ETA: Oh, and a LOT of SS women (all??) snore.  If you're lucky enough to sleep next to one, tell her she sounds cute and give her a kiss. Trust me, she'll love you for it.


----------



## JohnWylde

I just have to say that it really is my pleasure to see that my lil baby is always relaxed and comfortable! I really do try to anticipate any limitations or downsides of what we do and find a solution which means there is no problem.

I was disappointed that the car rental company didn't have a seat belt extender when I asked but the next car we hired - a Pontiac Grand Prix I think - had a standard seat belt which fitted a 500lb girl nicely 

John W





chocolate desire said:


> This is a great thread Melissa. I am glad that my guy is smart enough to know what needs I have and willing to do everything he can to meet them.
> He is the first real FA that I have ever dated that I have not had tell explain my body cannot do this or that or sit here or there.I dont think he came pretrained he is just really smart like that lol.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

JohnWylde said:


> I just have to say that it really is my pleasure to see that my lil baby is always relaxed and comfortable! I really do try to anticipate any limitations or downsides of what we do and find a solution which means there is no problem.
> 
> I was disappointed that the car rental company didn't have a seat belt extender when I asked but the next car we hired - a Pontiac Grand Prix I think - had a standard seat belt which fitted a 500lb girl nicely
> 
> John W



This 543lbs girl didn't fit so comfy in the grand prix...hard to get in and out of. Now a Monte Carlo is a whole different story....I could even drive that rental car!!! woohoooo


----------



## AnnMarie

The snoring thing is weird.... I've shared rooms with friends like 1000 times, and no snoring. Dated a guy who was a *vocal* anti-snorer, and passed test no problem. 

I do talk in my sleep (mumble usually or laugh, etc), but Keith is the FIRST person to ever say I snore. Admittedly he says it's super light/heavy breathing variety.... but it puzzles me that not a single other person has ever said that, yet he insists. I think it may be down to the individual definition of snore. My dad snored, you could hear it through the walls... that's snoring to me. LOL


----------



## LalaCity

liz (di-va) said:


> - Be prepared for me to take a while getting ready for things, showering, etc. Not insane Zsa Zsa amounts of time but...you know.



Yeah, there's "BBW time" and then there's "_Zsa Zsa_ time." God help any FA who has to deal with the latter...


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

I know, I know! We're not talking about apnea...but since there's so much talk of snoring, you know me - I HAVE to chime in. 

I don't snore anymore, and with good reason - I have a CPAP machine. Best thing I ever did for myself - getting diagnosed with apnea and treated. 

So if you snore, and ESPECIALLY if you have other signs, like your partner says you wake up choking/gasping, you have "drowning" dreams, or you wake up with your heart racing, or you just NEVER feel rested and sleep for hours and hours, or if your short-term memory is gone, or if you just can't keep your house straight - get a sleep test done. It might be the best thing you ever did! There's a cpap thread around here somewhere, so I won't post anymore about this here (don't want to derail the thread too much), but if anyone has any questions and they don't want to post them publicly, feel free to PM me.


----------



## JohnWylde

Yes just checked it was Grand Prix and lil Renee could fasten the passenger seat belt ok

John W



BigBellySSBBW said:


> This 543lbs girl didn't fit so comfy in the grand prix...hard to get in and out of. Now a Monte Carlo is a whole different story....I could even drive that rental car!!! woohoooo



View attachment Grand Prix1.JPG


----------



## chocolate desire

JohnWylde said:


> Well both my lil baby and I have been accused by partners of snoring in the past but when we got together, neither of us snored! Until she got mad at me that is and somehow she managed to snore quite loudly that night!
> 
> I did find a solution - I found that continually caressing curves worked quite well - althought it was at the risk of a strong backhand :blush:
> 
> PS: I think that well over 50% of the population snore both fat and thin and in between!
> 
> John W
> 
> (Adoring FA)


First of all babes no one here will belive I am lil lol.. Second I never heard you snore once maybe it was because you always lulled me to sleep first lol..
And now I know the real reason why I was awakened by you playing with my fat as i slept lol:kiss2::wubu:

Counting the days down and hope you are as well.


----------



## chocolate desire

LalaCity said:


> Yeah, there's "BBW time" and then there's "_Zsa Zsa_ time." God help any FA who has to deal with the latter...



Thats odd as when I was with Zsa and Gareth I was always the last one ready.. but then you cannot rush perfection can you?
I am also pleased to add my babes don't mind that I am always an hour late and the last one to the car lol.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

I dated one non-fat. He was sweet and considerate and I really have nothing bad to say about him.

But after being with Wayne for 16 years (a lifelong FA) there is nothing like a man who knows to check restaurants for armless chairs, would see how far I had to walk before I got my scooter, doesn't mind snorig when he's in love, and knows about the better sexual positions for a SSBBW. There is nothing like it and I would never settle for less.

As for the snoring? I don't snore anymore, not since I got my CPAP. Please get a sleep study if you snore - you will not regret it.


----------



## AnnMarie

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I know, I know! We're not talking about apnea...but since there's so much talk of snoring, you know me - I HAVE to chime in.
> 
> I don't snore anymore, and with good reason - I have a CPAP machine. Best thing I ever did for myself - getting diagnosed with apnea and treated.
> 
> So if you snore, and ESPECIALLY if you have other signs, like your partner says you wake up choking/gasping, you have "drowning" dreams, or you wake up with your heart racing, or you just NEVER feel rested and sleep for hours and hours, or if your short-term memory is gone, or if you just can't keep your house straight - get a sleep test done. It might be the best thing you ever did! There's a cpap thread around here somewhere, so I won't post anymore about this here (don't want to derail the thread too much), but if anyone has any questions and they don't want to post them publicly, feel free to PM me.





Sandie_Zitkus said:


> As for the snoring? I don't snore anymore, not since I got my CPAP. Please get a sleep study if you snore - you will not regret it.




Here's a link to the Health Forum thread on symptoms of apnea - If anyone wants to continue the snoring/apnea discussion please move there to keep this thread on-topic: 

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24865


----------



## Lamia

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Can I just add to watch out for weak furniture? Mike's parents have some weak futons that they adore...but I do not dare sit on them as I can tell just by looking at them that I would snap them like toothpicks. Big women need strong, and sometimes reinforced, furniture...which can be more expensive and less trendy.
> 
> So much to know about being with a ssbbw....but hang in there...it is doable




LOL I have found over the years "Hide-a-bed" sofas are my friends. I usually when walking into someone's house say "oh is that a hide-a-bed" as if I am really into them. If they say yes then I know I'll be find to sit on it.

Oh and just an FYI Buick Lesabers seem to be built for SSBBW.


----------



## Rowan

I'm fat...drop me off at the door...we're all good lol


----------



## sugar and spice

AnnMarie said:


> I'd like to expand on the airport thing, which Keith learned about first hand earlier this year.
> 
> Anything that raises my anxiety level lessens* my ability to handle stress - at all. Airports are an extremely anxious thing for me, even though I consider myself a very well-versed in handling the issues that could come up. I'm a pro-fattie and I know my way around, what to ask for, how to prepare, etc.
> 
> However, the airport is FULL of trouble lurking around every corner, so please be prepared that:
> 
> I want to get there early - really early, annoyingly early because the amount of walking or unexpected obstacles is something that neither you nor I can account for. If it means I have to sit for an hour or more at the gate, then that's how it has to be for me.
> 
> The anxiety once I'm in the airport, but before I'm sitting waiting at the gate, is the height of it. I'm worried about the lines and how long I'll be standing, I'm worried about the minutes that are ticking away stealing precious leisurely walking minutes from me. I'm worried about how far the gate is - "right there" isn't "right there" for me all the time, sometimes it's "all the fuck the way down there"... prepare for sighing.
> 
> I may or may not need to rest... if I'm trucking along, try to just go with it. I will either just keep moving to get where I'm going so I can alleviate the anxiety, or if I drop in a seat somewhere, know that I did it because I have to... I'll only be there a minute or two, but it's necessary.
> 
> If you have to go to the bathroom, or smoke, or browse the bookstore, I would be more at ease and less anxious if that was done when there is no time crunch, once we're at the gate. The gate is where all my focus is. Once I'm there I can breathe again - the walking is over, and I'm going to destress. Everything that gets in my way and takes minutes between the front door and the gate.... all of that is something that raises my stress and makes me worried.
> 
> You might be able to make up time, but I can't... it's just not possible for me to run through the airport. I've put hours of time and thought and worry into how I'm going to get my body to that gate - PLEASE just let me do it.
> 
> Layovers are our WORST nightmare. Please just follow our lead and go, go, go... get to the next gate. You can do whatever you want when we get there - just be there when it's time to board.
> 
> 
> Boarding.... I will pre-board. I'd like you to pre-board with me so that I'm not the only freak, and I clearly have a nice guy with me. We will get on, I will ask for my extender, and we'll go to get settled. I will get the window. Not because I'm a greedy girl, but because the indent at the window allows more room for my fat arms so the aisle people and carts are not smashing into me through the whole trip.
> 
> I need a minute to get situated, to get in the seat, get the seatbelt out from under my ass and get in there. I want this all done before other people are on board, so I'm settled. I'm going to be moving quick to get to "normal" stage. Please just go with the flow as far as requests to "grab this" "can you hand me..." , etc.
> 
> Disembarking - This is a tricky thing, but if you do it right for us, we'll love you forever. I can't stand up in my seat like everyone else does when they're ready to get off. I also can't get up and wait in the aisle... it's too long to stand probably, given how long it can take to get off. This is what I'd love (and love you, honey, for doing it :wubu - please get up when everyone else does and get our overhead stuff out. Move back enough that you're leaving our seat end open, and put one of our bags in front of you to save the space. When the people in front of us finally move up and are getting off, you stay in place and let me get out in front of you. You are acting as my block so I'm not trying to do these crazy plane moves in front of strangers, and you'll be behind me while I bump into every seat on the way off the plane. You're a peach and just made my life a bit easier.
> 
> When we get off the plane, I'm going to have to pee asap - so just follow me and be prepared to bag watch. I probably won't stop at the first one (rookie mistake!), so just keep going until I find the one with no line (see, the other one involves holding pee AND standing.... fatties don't like that).
> 
> If you can manage to put up with us during one of these situations, you're a great guy. It's just one of the most stressful things we go through, and I can't explain how awful it can be (even when it goes off without a hitch)... but if you can just be along with us, there, and understand that we hate it as much as you do ..... you're going to be appreciated more than you can know.
> 
> 
> 
> I know much of this may be AM-specific, but it's probably my most stressed time ever and even one FA reads this and keeps things in mind when traveling with a fatty, then I'm glad I wrote it.



Hi AM Although I have never flown, I completely related to everything you just said. I have all these same thoughts and anxieties whenever I have to go somewhere I have never been before and I am unsure of what kind of physical exertion it might require from me. I especially relate to the bursts of energy to get to where you need to be so you can just relax once you are there. All of the feelings you expressed I have felt too and I imagine many SSBBW's share this anxiety and hope our guy will just roll with it and let us do what we have to do to get through a physically, mentally trying experience like this. Trust us to know our own limits and coping methods and help us through it.


----------



## loggamatt

Mmm... good thread!

Just a few things that occur to me though. With the car thing, would you therefore say that poor men should not be allowed to date SSBBW? Maybe you just can't afford a big car. Sure, you could get a big heap of rust used car, but that's a false economy as you may end up paying more money on repairs. Plus there's fuel economy to consider, especially for those of us who live in the UK as fuel prices here are unbelievable.

So if I am a poor man who can only afford a small car, or perhaps no car at all, should I give up on being an FA?

Also, I'm surprised at the assumption that it must always be the man who drives, and the man who owns the car... surely most of you are modern independent women who own your own cars? Why can't we take your car instead?

The whole economics of being a FA thing stretches further into a lot of this... such as whether or not you can afford sturdy furniture, whether you can afford to be choosy when buying/renting a house/flat and avoid ones with stairs, small bath tubs etc.

It seems to me that the assumption that it is the man's duty to earn enough money to pay for the things that the woman needs is rather an old-fashioned view that you don't hear so much anymore. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be inflammatory, I just find it interesting that this kind of FA/SSBBW relationship seems to be inherently anti-feminist.

As for the less financially dependent practicalities... yes, I agree. I think a lot of it though is common sense, it just requires the FA in question to use a little thought when planning things. It shouldn't take a genius FA to realise that SSBBW walk a little slower... it just requires a FA who is generally considerate of other people.


----------



## largenlovely

yes you're right this is probably definitely a common anxiety among ssbbw's. I know i deal with it. 

Bruce and I drove down to NJ one day to visit Carla, Phil and our other friend Andrea, who was visiting. I heard Bruce on the phone with Phil and he didn't skip a beat..."nah, Melissa can't walk through the mall but we'll be happy to meet you for dinner"  

Which, i guess i have no desire to walk through the mall anymore anyway being that none of the stuff in there fits me lol 



sugar and spice said:


> I have all these same thoughts and anxieties whenever I have to go somewhere I have never been before and I am unsure of what kind of physical exertion it might require from me.


----------



## AnnMarie

loggamatt said:


> Mmm... good thread!
> 
> Just a few things that occur to me though. With the car thing, would you therefore say that poor men should not be allowed to date SSBBW? Maybe you just can't afford a big car. Sure, you could get a big heap of rust used car, but that's a false economy as you may end up paying more money on repairs. Plus there's fuel economy to consider, especially for those of us who live in the UK as fuel prices here are unbelievable.
> 
> So if I am a poor man who can only afford a small car, or perhaps no car at all, should I give up on being an FA?
> 
> Also, I'm surprised at the assumption that it must always be the man who drives, and the man who owns the car... surely most of you are modern independent women who own your own cars? Why can't we take your car instead?
> 
> The whole economics of being a FA thing stretches further into a lot of this... such as whether or not you can afford sturdy furniture, whether you can afford to be choosy when buying/renting a house/flat and avoid ones with stairs, small bath tubs etc.
> 
> It seems to me that the assumption that it is the man's duty to earn enough money to pay for the things that the woman needs is rather an old-fashioned view that you don't hear so much anymore. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be inflammatory, I just find it interesting that this kind of FA/SSBBW relationship seems to be inherently anti-feminist.
> 
> As for the less financially dependent practicalities... yes, I agree. I think a lot of it though is common sense, it just requires the FA in question to use a little thought when planning things. It shouldn't take a genius FA to realise that SSBBW walk a little slower... it just requires a FA who is generally considerate of other people.



I realize you're leaping off Melissa's first line about the car, but I think she's really talking about things that would make it impossible, and I don't believe (at least not how I read things) that the suggestion is that all of these things are up to the FA. 

Communication is key, and just thinking enough to know there ARE obstacles for us, keeping us in mind when making plans and decisions. Obviously you can't avoid all things that make things harder for us, but if you have a choice between two nice apartments and you CHOOSE the one with the huge staircase going in over the one that was just as nice with no staircase - all other things being equal? Yeah, that's going to make us wonder how serious you are about things... that's the point I believe she's making.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

loggamatt said:


> Mmm... good thread!
> 
> Just a few things that occur to me though. With the car thing, would you therefore say that poor men should not be allowed to date SSBBW? Maybe you just can't afford a big car. Sure, you could get a big heap of rust used car, but that's a false economy as you may end up paying more money on repairs. Plus there's fuel economy to consider, especially for those of us who live in the UK as fuel prices here are unbelievable.
> 
> So if I am a poor man who can only afford a small car, or perhaps no car at all, should I give up on being an FA?
> 
> Also, I'm surprised at the assumption that it must always be the man who drives, and the man who owns the car... surely most of you are modern independent women who own your own cars? Why can't we take your car instead?
> 
> The whole economics of being a FA thing stretches further into a lot of this... such as whether or not you can afford sturdy furniture, whether you can afford to be choosy when buying/renting a house/flat and avoid ones with stairs, small bath tubs etc.
> 
> It seems to me that the assumption that it is the man's duty to earn enough money to pay for the things that the woman needs is rather an old-fashioned view that you don't hear so much anymore. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be inflammatory, I just find it interesting that this kind of FA/SSBBW relationship seems to be inherently anti-feminist.
> 
> As for the less financially dependent practicalities... yes, I agree. I think a lot of it though is common sense, it just requires the FA in question to use a little thought when planning things. It shouldn't take a genius FA to realise that SSBBW walk a little slower... it just requires a FA who is generally considerate of other people.




Defensive much?

What if the SSBBW is too big to fit behind a wheel? Then of course no matter how independent she is, she will not be driving.

As for furniture....it is your responsibility to at least think about it. Economics do come into play, you are right. But it does in all dating not just fat dating. A ssbbw wants a guy who doesn't have a crap sofa....and thin woman doesn't wan't some broke guy with a bus pass. More so in the US, but still. (greatly generalized statements)

Your post came off really harsh...as if we shouldn't let our ssbbw issues effect us. This just is dumb. I can't leave my issues at home. If you come pick me up for a date and I don't fit in your car, then what? I can't walk a million miles either. If I do fit into your car, and we get back to your house and I can't sit on any furniture....are you saying that's MY problem???? It is something a FA should think about...and even SAVE for it if he can't afford it up front.

I like you Matt, but your post really bothered me. Like really. It i's basically saying....I'm a big grown up girl and I should just deal with situations....well I'm beyond a size that I can just "deal"...it takes thought, time and effort by both me and my FA...who isn't rich BTW.


----------



## loggamatt

AnnMarie said:


> I realize you're leaping off Melissa's first line about the car, but I think she's really talking about things that would make it impossible, and I don't believe (at least not how I read things) that the suggestion is that all of these things are up to the FA.
> 
> Communication is key, and just thinking enough to know there ARE obstacles for us, keeping us in mind when making plans and decisions. Obviously you can't avoid all things that make things harder for us, but if you have a choice between two nice apartments and you CHOOSE the one with the huge staircase going in over the one that was just as nice with no staircase - all other things being equal? Yeah, that's going to make us wonder how serious you are about things... that's the point I believe she's making.



Yep... sorry... I'm a bit late to the thread!  But there are definitely a few things that are up to the FA, and can be financially costly to the FA. Now, I guess if the FA has money then it's fair to say "if you're serious about being an FA you need to be serious about spending the dough!", but some FAs may just not have the money, whether they would be willing to spend it or not. If that means that SSBBW require men to have a certain level of wealth, I could imagine that being disheartening to many men.

Couldn't agree more about the communication though. I've always thought that size limitation communication is often the make or break of a FA/SSBBW relationship. It is something that works both ways... inconsiderate FAs may simply not care/want to hear the issues that the SSBBW is raising. But on the other hand, many SSBBW are shy about admitting certain limitations and so the FA isn't aware that there are limitations. I think it's about being comfortable with each other, trusting each other, and having a certain level of consideration and empathy for each other.

But then, that could be said for any relationship I'm sure... working as a team is the way relationships have to work if they're going to work at all!


----------



## largenlovely

I think you made a number of assumptions as well lol

I have a very large older car that i drive and i love, but my boyfriend lives out of state. If he didn't have a large car then i guess i would have to ride on the hood? My car wasn't overly expensive and is large..it's an older car but it's in very good shape. I may pay a tad more for gas, but it's not like i'm forking it over hand over fist just because it's a bit larger. 

There are special needs that just *are* when dating an ssbbw...it comes with the territory. The needs don't solely rest on the shoulders of whatever man happens to be dating said ssbbw, but they are needs that must be accommodated. I have to have a tub..an apartment without stairs absolutely. We need sturdier furniture yes. Now...that being said, i have always paid my share of the bills. I don't believe i suggested anything otherwise. I know my point was that we have to have these things and that men should be aware of that. We are more expensive yes...but as Dumbassbunny has shown, there are ways to do things to cut corners. I know a friend who had someone she knew make a bed frame for her that would hold her. 

Though, there are also a lot of ssbbw's who do have a hard time finding jobs. There is a lot of discrimination out there. So that should be taken into account. There are a lot of things to think about when dating ssbbw's and i dunno...if ya can't stand the heat, maybe ya gotta get out of the kitchen

Edit: I just realized this was you Matt lol...so what am i saying you've been IN my car so you know it's not a complete heap lol



loggamatt said:


> Just a few things that occur to me though. With the car thing, would you therefore say that poor men should not be allowed to date SSBBW? Maybe you just can't afford a big car. .
> 
> So if I am a poor man who can only afford a small car, or perhaps no car at all, should I give up on being an FA?
> 
> Also, I'm surprised at the assumption that it must always be the man who drives, and the man who owns the car... surely most of you are modern independent women who own your own cars? Why can't we take your car instead?
> 
> The whole economics of being a FA thing stretches further into a lot of this... such as whether or not you can afford sturdy furniture, whether you can afford to be choosy when buying/renting a house/flat and avoid ones with stairs, small bath tubs etc.
> 
> It seems to me that the assumption that it is the man's duty to earn enough money to pay for the things that the woman needs is rather an old-fashioned view that you don't hear so much anymore.


----------



## loggamatt

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Defensive much?
> 
> What if the SSBBW is too big to fit behind a wheel? Then of course no matter how independent she is, she will not be driving.
> 
> As for furniture....it is your responsibility to at least think about it. Economics do come into play, you are right. But it does in all dating not just fat dating. A ssbbw wants a guy who doesn't have a crap sofa....and thin woman doesn't wan't some broke guy with a bus pass. More so in the US, but still. (greatly generalized statements)
> 
> Your post came off really harsh...as if we shouldn't let our ssbbw issues effect us. This just is dumb. I can't leave my issues at home. If you come pick me up for a date and I don't fit in your car, then what? I can't walk a million miles either. If I do fit into your car, and we get back to your house and I can't sit on any furniture....are you saying that's MY problem???? It is something a FA should think about...and even SAVE for it if he can't afford it up front.
> 
> I like you Matt, but your post really bothered me. Like really. It i's basically saying....I'm a big grown up girl and I should just deal with situations....well I'm beyond a size that I can just "deal"...it takes thought, time and effort by both me and my FA...who isn't rich BTW.



mmm... ok, well I'm not sure which of us came off more harsh there, but I'll ignore that ;-)

Sure, I totally agree that it is the FA's responsibility to 'at least think' about these things... much in the same way as it would be my responsibility to try to make my life as comfortable as possible for my partner whether she were a SSBBW or not.

But the point I was making was that, despite what you say, some things are simply financially impossible. I just went for a viewing on a few flats (flats = apartments in British for anyone who doesn't know... lol) for which rent is give or take £550 a month (nearly $1,100)... now, none of those flats would have been suitable for an SSBBW to live in... all were too small. Yet I really couldn't afford to spend much more than that a month on rent. So what do I do? Give up on dating SSBBW? Get a better job?

My question therefore is, can you be too poor to be a FA? Am I too poor to be an FA? 

If I'm going to come pick you up on a date, perhaps you should ask me what car I drive? Then if it's too small, perhaps you should offer to drive instead? If you're too big to drive yourself then it is an issue, sure. But I don't think that it's solely the FA's responsibility to solve the issue by buying a bigger car... it's something you would have to figure out together.

I have never said that SSBBW should "leave their issues at home"... putting words in my mouth and then attacking me for them isn't something I really want to respond to ;-) As I've said, men should be considerate and understanding of SSBBW issues where possible... but where not possible (such as financial constraints), what is a FA to do? That's my point.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

loggamatt said:


> mmm... ok, well I'm not sure which of us came off more harsh there, but I'll ignore that ;-)
> 
> Sure, I totally agree that it is the FA's responsibility to 'at least think' about these things... much in the same way as it would be my responsibility to try to make my life as comfortable as possible for my partner whether she were a SSBBW or not.
> 
> But the point I was making was that, despite what you say, some things are simply financially impossible. I just went for a viewing on a few flats (flats = apartments in British for anyone who doesn't know... lol) for which rent is give or take £550 a month (nearly $1,100)... now, none of those flats would have been suitable for an SSBBW to live in... all were too small. Yet I really couldn't afford to spend much more than that a month on rent. So what do I do? Give up on dating SSBBW? Get a better job?
> 
> My question therefore is, can you be too poor to be a FA? Am I too poor to be an FA?
> 
> If I'm going to come pick you up on a date, perhaps you should ask me what car I drive? Then if it's too small, perhaps you should offer to drive instead? If you're too big to drive yourself then it is an issue, sure. But I don't think that it's solely the FA's responsibility to solve the issue by buying a bigger car... it's something you would have to figure out together.
> 
> I have never said that SSBBW should "leave their issues at home"... putting words in my mouth and then attacking me for them isn't something I really want to respond to ;-) As I've said, men should be considerate and understanding of SSBBW issues where possible... but where not possible (such as financial constraints), what is a FA to do? That's my point.



Something I will afford you, is that it is harder to be an FA in the UK. Seriously. This country wasn't built for fat people and I cannot fault you for that. Small cars are the norm and crazy small flats up 10 sets of stairs is quite common. I do not fault you for that. BUT....if you want to date and keep a SSBBW (this is if you date at the large end of ssbbw) you will need to accomadate her somewhat.

Like I said...it is different in America....lots of huge old cars hanging around. Here you never see old cars...and cars where never huge. I think most of us were being American minded when we were complaining about things....I know I was. I don't dare go to the cinema here, but there I woulda called ahead. The UK is just not built for a ssbbw and you would have to be a millionaire to make it so. It has been hard here....I've had to learn to deal with stairs...and walking further than I used to....and trying out a lot of cars before we found even one that would work. So all in all, I don't think it is your money that will keep the ssbbws away....I think it is the society in which you life.

Of course this assumes you want a ssbbw my size, lol. If you went smaller down the range then a lot of the problems wouldn't exist. And if you chose an English ssbbw she'd be used to the issues already.

I would give anything to be in America! It's so much easier to be a normal fat person...and I'm sure it is easier to be an FA.

Even though we disagree (I think) I'd still date you if I were single, lol. Even if my hip prevented you going into second gear. hehe.


----------



## loggamatt

largenlovely said:


> I think you made a number of assumptions as well lol
> 
> I have a very large older car that i drive and i love, but my boyfriend lives out of state. If he didn't have a large car then i guess i would have to ride on the hood? My car wasn't overly expensive and is large..it's an older car but it's in very good shape. I may pay a tad more for gas, but it's not like i'm forking it over hand over fist just because it's a bit larger.
> 
> There are special needs that just *are* when dating an ssbbw...it comes with the territory. The needs don't solely rest on the shoulders of whatever man happens to be dating said ssbbw, but they are needs that must be accommodated. I have to have a tub..an apartment without stairs absolutely. We need sturdier furniture yes. Now...that being said, i have always paid my share of the bills. I don't believe i suggested anything otherwise. I know my point was that we have to have these things and that men should be aware of that. We are more expensive yes...but as Dumbassbunny has shown, there are ways to do things to cut corners. I know a friend who had someone she knew make a bed frame for her that would hold her.
> 
> Though, there are also a lot of ssbbw's who do have a hard time finding jobs. There is a lot of discrimination out there. So that should be taken into account. There are a lot of things to think about when dating ssbbw's and i dunno...if ya can't stand the heat, maybe ya gotta get out of the kitchen



lol... alright  Well that's fine, I have no problem with an SSBBW & FA working together as a team to solve these problems. Sharing the financial burden where necessary... great. Figuring out ways together to cut corners to solve the financial problems... great.

I guess I'm just a little concerned where you said that if a guy drives a smaller car he's clearly not serious about being a FA. It is very possible that said guy would love to drive a bigger car but simply couldn't afford it... and suggesting that he therefore isn't a real FA could be a little hurtful.

By the way, I have a mid-sized car that is very roomy so I'm not talking about myself here... lol... just a hypothetical small car owning FA.

I think really, these things need to be dealt with on a case by case basis. Knowing you, I very much doubt you would say to an FA "oh my god! I can't believe you drive that and you want to date me!" lol. I imagine you would find a way to tactfully approach letting him know your concerns. 

I just wouldn't want small car owning FAs to be crying into their pillows tonight!


----------



## largenlovely

I also added "in a comical sort of way" and that it was a good indicator, definitely not a perfect indicator  Also yes, as bigbellyssbbw mentioned, i didn't take into account the living situations in the UK...that's totally out of my element 



loggamatt said:


> lol... alright  I guess I'm just a little concerned where you said that if a guy drives a smaller car he's clearly not serious about being a FA. It is very possible that said guy would love to drive a bigger car but simply couldn't afford it... and suggesting that he therefore isn't a real FA could be a little hurtful.


----------



## loggamatt

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Something I will afford you, is that it is harder to be an FA in the UK. Seriously. This country wasn't built for fat people and I cannot fault you for that. Small cars are the norm and crazy small flats up 10 sets of stairs is quite common. I do not fault you for that. BUT....if you want to date and keep a SSBBW (this is if you date at the large end of ssbbw) you will need to accomadate her somewhat.
> 
> Like I said...it is different in America....lots of huge old cars hanging around. Here you never see old cars...and cars where never huge. I think most of us were being American minded when we were complaining about things....I know I was. I don't dare go to the cinema here, but there I woulda called ahead. The UK is just not built for a ssbbw and you would have to be a millionaire to make it so. It has been hard here....I've had to learn to deal with stairs...and walking further than I used to....and trying out a lot of cars before we found even one that would work. So all in all, I don't think it is your money that will keep the ssbbws away....I think it is the society in which you life.
> 
> Of course this assumes you want a ssbbw my size, lol. If you went smaller down the range then a lot of the problems wouldn't exist. And if you chose an English ssbbw she'd be used to the issues already.
> 
> I would give anything to be in America! It's so much easier to be a normal fat person...and I'm sure it is easier to be an FA.
> 
> Even though we disagree (I think) I'd still date you if I were single, lol. Even if my hip prevented you going into second gear. hehe.



Very true... being in the UK certainly exacerbates these things. Although, as a side note... you should see if there's a Vue cinema near you, most of the Vue cinemas I've been to have arms that raise in the seating. Despite how I may have inadvertently come across, I have done my fair share of calling ahead to cinemas to make sure that the seating would be ok for the SSBBW I'm about to take there 

I guess, as I've said, my only issue is if the attitude is "my size causes me this problem... now, FA, it's your responsibility to fix it." If the attitude instead is "my size causes me this problem, I need you to be aware of it and I would like us to try to work together in solving it" then I'm in full support!

And, I'd date you too if your husband wouldn't kick my ass for doing so... plus, he's handy to keep on side if I need a lift back from BGP!


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## Sandie_Zitkus

I've said this before and I'll say it again. When I met Wayne he was broke. Lived in a rented room, had a broke down Ford Escort - which blew up a week after we met. So the first 6 months we dated he had no car. He had no furniture. He had a bed in the room he rented - that was all. All his spare time was with his 2 kids from his first marriage and he was still married to his second wife. He worked 3 jobs. I only saw him on Saturday nights. He would not have been on anyones list of elligable bachelors. But 16 years later we built a life together. We have 2 cars, a house a fuzzy family. And I am running my own business. And Wayne works one job and makes enough money to support us. 

It's not as simple as - "He has a big car and makes enough money". Or it shouldn't be - IMHO


----------



## loggamatt

largenlovely said:


> I also added "in a comical sort of way" and that it was a good indicator, definitely not a perfect indicator  Also yes, as bigbellyssbbw mentioned, i didn't take into account the living situations in the UK...that's totally out of my element



lol... yes, sorry, I perhaps took it all a bit seriously. I just think that it's always best if a SSBBW and FA work together on these things... rather than it being a FA's job to solely make these things work.

Anyway, sorry if I caused any offense... group hug people!


----------



## loggamatt

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I've said this before and I'll say it again. When I met Wayne he was broke. Lived in a rented room, had a broke down Ford Escort - which blew up a week after we met. So the first 6 months we dated he had no car. He had no furniture. He had a bed in the room he rented - that was all. All his spare time was with his 2 kids from his first marriage and he was still married to his second wife. He worked 3 jobs. I only saw him on Saturday nights. He would not have been on anyones list of elligable bachelors. But 16 years later we built a life together. We have 2 cars, a house a fuzzy family. And I am running my own business. And Wayne works one job and makes enough money to support us.
> 
> It's not as simple as - "He has a big car and makes enough money". Or it shouldn't be - IMHO



That's such a lovely happy ending. Yes, I think you've put this way way better than I have... lol. Perhaps I'm a naive romantic, but I think that love, communication and perseverance are more important than what kind of car he drives, or how big his house is etc. Those material obstacles can be overcome if you care enough about each other to make it work.

So... I'm in full agreement! :bow:


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

loggamatt said:


> That's such a lovely happy ending. Yes, I think you've put this way way better than I have... lol. Perhaps I'm a naive romantic, but I think that love, communication and perseverance are more important than what kind of car he drives, or how big his house is etc. Those material obstacles can be overcome if you care enough about each other to make it work.
> 
> So... I'm in full agreement! :bow:




Can I just say my point of reference is skewed. Mike imported me. I had nothing. He had to have the money to support us. He had to have a car that could transport me....there was nothing I could do or say to help that...it HAD to be. He had to find a place for us to live before I came over and he just had to keep in mind my needs as a ssbbw. So for me it was about the money, the car and the house. Of course I was well in love with him before that...but it woulda meant us being apart a lot longer if he didn't sort it all out for us. It's not because he's the man...it's because he moved me into his space that I knew nothing about.


----------



## largenlovely

I don't think it's solely the responsibility of the FA to support all the needs of an SSBBW. I sure hope that this thread hasn't been coming across that way....

Bruce is still living at home with his folks. I was living in Atlanta on my own but decided to move back to Mobile with my family to try to help save money for us to find a place to live together. Sacrifices must be made..on both sides. 

My whole point in this thread was that there are certain realities that men need to consider when dating a much larger woman. As bigbellyssbbw mentioned, these issues diminish depending on the size of the woman. But the realities of the needs of a much larger woman must be taken into account and i think there are some men who haven't considered some of these things. 

I definitely agree that two people should work together. If i were to suggest otherwise i'd be a complete hypocrit. I mean, if an ssbbw is single then she has to figure out all these things on her own. But...if she is in a relationship the partner takes on their own share in helping fulfill these needs as well, and vice versa



Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I've said this before and I'll say it again. When I met Wayne he was broke. Lived in a rented room, had a broke down Ford Escort - which blew up a week after we met. It's not as simple as - "He has a big car and makes enough money". Or it shouldn't be - IMHO


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## Falcon

Wow. Terrific thread.

As a FA I think _The Reality of Dating_ [or being married to] _a SSBBW_ is more an art than a science. In other words, one size doesn't fit all. It's a learning process, even for someone like me who's been married to the love of his life for many years.

I still have my share of Homer Simpson "Doh!" moments. For our anniversary a few years ago I was all excited about this room I'd booked at a very quaint out of the way bed and breakfast. The room had a private bathroom with a claw foot bathtub that I had dreams of us sharing together. I know, I know, but it just LOOKED bigger in the photos. :doh: But we compromised. She stayed in the tub while I did the cabana boy routine and we both had a great time. It's been mentioned here in a previous post but I have to agree; I love to shave her legs and, Holy Cow, painting her toenails is such an intimate, romantic experience. 

And yes, she snores. And yes, she doesn't walk as fast as I can but she's 5-2 and I'm 6-2 so I learned long ago that I had to slow my pace considerably for her. But then, I don't always pick up my underwear or clean up the sink when I'm through in the bathroom. And it drives her crazy when I'm not as punctual as she is -- which is just about always. Any relationship is a dance and it takes time before you learn the steps and quit stepping on each other's toes.

One thing I do that I haven't heard mentioned here concerns helping her during bad weather. For instance, if we're going out to eat I know it's not enough to just let her out by the front door while I find a parking spot. If it's raining I'll stop by the restaurant door, put it in park, grab an umbrella and go around to her side of the car and walk her inside. She could get soaked in the time it takes her to walk inside. If it's snowing or icy it goes without saying that a gentleman should see that the lady makes it safely inside.

What it comes down to is, I don't think we (FAs) can have one without the other. If you love your gal's big rear end -- and I'm absolutly crazy about my wife's caboose -- then it goes without saying that you should love her enough to help her when she needs it. It's part of the relationship dance, or part of _The Reality of _[being with] _a SSBBW_.

Just my two cents.


----------



## largenlovely

beautifully said 



Falcon said:


> Wow. Terrific thread.
> 
> As a FA I think _The Reality of Dating_ [or being married to] _a SSBBW_ is more an art than a science. In other words, one size doesn't fit all. It's a learning process, even for someone like me who's been married to the love of his life for many years.
> 
> I still have my share of Homer Simpson "Doh!" moments. For our anniversary a few years ago I was all excited about this room I'd booked at a very quaint out of the way bed and breakfast. The room had a private bathroom with a claw foot bathtub that I had dreams of us sharing together. I know, I know, but it just LOOKED bigger in the photos. :doh: But we compromised. She stayed in the tub while I did the cabana boy routine and we both had a great time. It's been mentioned here in a previous post but I have to agree; I love to shave her legs and, Holy Cow, painting her toenails is such an intimate, romantic experience.
> 
> And yes, she snores. And yes, she doesn't walk as fast as I can but she's 5-2 and I'm 6-2 so I learned long ago that I had to slow my pace considerably for her. But then, I don't always pick up my underwear or clean up the sink when I'm through in the bathroom. And it drives her crazy when I'm not as punctual as she is -- which is just about always. Any relationship is a dance and it takes time before you learn the steps and quit stepping on each other's toes.
> 
> One thing I do that I haven't heard mentioned here concerns helping her during bad weather. For instance, if we're going out to eat I know it's not enough to just let her out by the front door while I find a parking spot. If it's raining I'll stop by the restaurant door, put it in park, grab an umbrella and go around to her side of the car and walk her inside. She could get soaked in the time it takes her to walk inside. If it's snowing or icy it goes without saying that a gentleman should see that the lady makes it safely inside.
> 
> What it comes down to is, I don't think we (FAs) can have one without the other. If you love your gal's big rear end -- and I'm absolutly crazy about my wife's caboose -- then it goes without saying that you should love her enough to help her when she needs it. It's part of the relationship dance, or part of _The Reality of _[being with] _a SSBBW_.
> 
> Just my two cents.


----------



## JayInBuff

Falcon said:


> Wow. Terrific thread.
> 
> As a FA I think _The Reality of Dating_ [or being married to] _a SSBBW_ is more an art than a science.



I knew that I got a B.A. for a reason.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

largenlovely said:


> beautifully said




Wasn't it just perfect?


----------



## loggamatt

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Can I just say my point of reference is skewed. Mike imported me. I had nothing. He had to have the money to support us. He had to have a car that could transport me....there was nothing I could do or say to help that...it HAD to be. He had to find a place for us to live before I came over and he just had to keep in mind my needs as a ssbbw. So for me it was about the money, the car and the house. Of course I was well in love with him before that...but it woulda meant us being apart a lot longer if he didn't sort it all out for us. It's not because he's the man...it's because he moved me into his space that I knew nothing about.



Of course... yours is an unusual situation. But my question would be this, would you have thought any less of Mike as an FA or as a person if he simply wasn't able to afford the right house/car/etc. to enable you to come over, and for that reason your relationship didn't work out?

If an FA is able to afford a SSBBW-friendly car then that's great... but I don't think it makes him any less of an FA if he can't. If when you were planning to move out here, Mike eventually said "you know what, I'm really sorry, but I just can't afford to get a house that you will be able to live in comfortably" I don't think that would be made Mike less of a FA. But, also, I don't think that would have been your fault for having those SSBBW issues either. Some of us are big, some of us are poor, we each have our obstacles to overcome.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Of course your situation is different sweetie. Moving to a different country makes everything different. I just felt like no man should ever feel that he doesn't make enough money to support or date the kind of woman he desires. 

I would hate to think some of the things said by BBW's here on Dimensions would made a man feel that. When Wayne and I moved in together - I had the deposit for the apartment, but he supported us until I got a job. When my back became too painful for me to work he supported me - gladly. It's what couples do. We lived with nothing and no money for a LONG time - he was paying child suport. It was really hard but now - it was worth every tear.

I'm off on a tangent - sorry! LOL




BigBellySSBBW said:


> Can I just say my point of reference is skewed. Mike imported me. I had nothing. He had to have the money to support us. He had to have a car that could transport me....there was nothing I could do or say to help that...it HAD to be. He had to find a place for us to live before I came over and he just had to keep in mind my needs as a ssbbw. So for me it was about the money, the car and the house. Of course I was well in love with him before that...but it woulda meant us being apart a lot longer if he didn't sort it all out for us. It's not because he's the man...it's because he moved me into his space that I knew nothing about.


----------



## Tychondarova

largenlovely said:


> I can understand economics can be tough...but we fat girls can be expensive. i mean, we require large meals, sometimes two seats on a plane, a car that we can fit in..and things of that nature...not sure that there can really be a compromise. I mean, if my man had to choose between a nicer small car and a larger clunker i'd be perfectly fine with the clunker....i dunno...it's quite the conundrum



Tell me about it! In high school I dated a girl who was around 400-425, and it was hard for us, because I only had a crappy after school job, and she couldn't really work because of her size. We didn't really have the money to do much stuff, so meals were usually it, and it was really expensive just taking care of that. My car wasn't a small car, but her tummy still could touch the dash board. We didn't ever go on any extended trips, or try to fly, because we didn't have the money for her extra tickets.

It was a strain definately, but as a true FA, I enjoyed every minute of it. But you're right, I think most FAs don't know what they're getting themselves into. Conundrum indeed....

-Ty


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

loggamatt said:


> Of course... yours is an unusual situation. But my question would be this, would you have thought any less of Mike as an FA or as a person if he simply wasn't able to afford the right house/car/etc. to enable you to come over, and for that reason your relationship didn't work out?
> 
> If an FA is able to afford a SSBBW-friendly car then that's great... but I don't think it makes him any less of an FA if he can't. If when you were planning to move out here, Mike eventually said "you know what, I'm really sorry, but I just can't afford to get a house that you will be able to live in comfortably" I don't think that would be made Mike less of a FA. But, also, I don't think that would have been your fault for having those SSBBW issues either. Some of us are big, some of us are poor, we each have our obstacles to overcome.



But if he got involved with me, knowing me needs and issues, and then dumped me because of them....I would think he was less of a man. bigger cars aren't that much more expensive. Mike got a late 90s Honda Accord when I fist moved out here....they are a lot bigger than most cars and are still econmical.

I think if the guy gets into a relationship, knowing the issues that could come up in the future and decides later on that it can't be done...yeah that's harsh...very harsh. I would be in bits and would probably never trust another guy to accept my issues. But that's just me....I'm sure other bbws would be accepting....I get hurt easy.


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## AnnMarie

yeah, to echo Melissa, this thread to me hasn't been about what you guys all HAVE TO DO as much as what you should know about being with really big girls. There are things to think about, to consider, that you need to know. 

Hell, my airport thing was pretty much "you need to stay out of my way" not you need to carry my ass to and fro - it's teamwork, and you need to realize that because we're often the more challenged in time/space/stamina, etc... then often your cues will have to come from us about what will work and what may not or may need to be revamped. 

Does it sometimes suck? Yeah. Do we sometimes/always hate saying when we know it's just not going to work out? Yeah, we do. We want nothing more than to do everything you want to do... but sometimes if we don't use a different method of getting to it, or doing it, then we can't... and it's a reality of dating us. 

And like Donni and Melissa mentioned, it's as individual as the girl and sometimes even the day of the week. Communication - that's the key. Be aware, be willing, be there .... that's all we're getting at.


----------



## largenlovely

that was exactly my thought as well...which is why i think this thread is so important. Men need to be aware of these things before making a decision to be involved with a much larger woman. These are realities we face every day. If a man isn't committed to helping find ways to work through them... i mean, what can ya say to that. 




BigBellySSBBW said:


> But if he got involved with me, knowing me needs and issues, and then dumped me because of them....
> 
> I think if the guy gets into a relationship, knowing the issues that could come up in the future and decides later on that it can't be done...yeah that's harsh...very harsh.


----------



## loggamatt

BigBellySSBBW said:


> But if he got involved with me, knowing me needs and issues, and then dumped me because of them....I would think he was less of a man. bigger cars aren't that much more expensive. Mike got a late 90s Honda Accord when I fist moved out here....they are a lot bigger than most cars and are still econmical.
> 
> I think if the guy gets into a relationship, knowing the issues that could come up in the future and decides later on that it can't be done...yeah that's harsh...very harsh. I would be in bits and would probably never trust another guy to accept my issues. But that's just me....I'm sure other bbws would be accepting....I get hurt easy.



But I don't think it's as black and white as FA 1 knows the needs of SSBBW 2, gets into a relationship with her then admits that he can't fulfill her needs. More often, FA 1 would think that he can fulfill SSBBW 2's needs, do his best to do that, but despite trying his best fail to do so. I don't think that FA 1 would therefore be dishonest for getting into a relationship with SSBBW 2... sometimes you just don't know if you can overcome obstacles until you try.


----------



## loggamatt

AnnMarie said:


> yeah, to echo Melissa, this thread to me hasn't been about what you guys all HAVE TO DO as much as what you should know about being with really big girls. There are things to think about, to consider, that you need to know.
> 
> Hell, my airport thing was pretty much "you need to stay out of my way" not you need to carry my ass to and fro - it's teamwork, and you need to realize that because we're often the more challenged in time/space/stamina, etc... then often your cues will have to come from us about what will work and what may not or may need to be revamped.
> 
> Does it sometimes suck? Yeah. Do we sometimes/always hate saying when we know it's just not going to work out? Yeah, we do. We want nothing more than to do everything you want to do... but sometimes if we don't use a different method of getting to it, or doing it, then we can't... and it's a reality of dating us.
> 
> And like Donni and Melissa mentioned, it's as individual as the girl and sometimes even the day of the week. Communication - that's the key. Be aware, be willing, be there .... that's all we're getting at.



I'm in total agreement with all of this... I'm not dissing the thread!  It is helpful for FAs to know what issues SSBBW face... in fact, it's essential!

I guess for me I find it easier to know a lot of SSBBW issues because I'm a fairly big guy myself... so I've gone through some of those issues as well. Would I walk too fast for the SSBBW I'm walking with? No way, because it drives me insane when my skinny best mate marches down the street and leaves me behind!  If my skinny mates say "yeah, I'll give you a lift... I'll have to squeeze the 3 of you in the back of my car though" my first thought is "Oh man... I'm never going to fit and be able to close the door!" If one of my skinny mates says "It's not that far... I think we should walk" my first thought is "not that far for you may be very far indeed for me!"

So, I guess all of these things may be more eye opening for skinny FAs than BHM FAs...


----------



## SocialbFly

loggamatt said:


> Mmm... good thread!
> 
> Just a few things that occur to me though. With the car thing, would you therefore say that poor men should not be allowed to date SSBBW? Maybe you just can't afford a big car. Sure, you could get a big heap of rust used car, but that's a false economy as you may end up paying more money on repairs. Plus there's fuel economy to consider, especially for those of us who live in the UK as fuel prices here are unbelievable.
> 
> So if I am a poor man who can only afford a small car, or perhaps no car at all, should I give up on being an FA?
> 
> Also, I'm surprised at the assumption that it must always be the man who drives, and the man who owns the car... surely most of you are modern independent women who own your own cars? Why can't we take your car instead?
> 
> The whole economics of being a FA thing stretches further into a lot of this... such as whether or not you can afford sturdy furniture, whether you can afford to be choosy when buying/renting a house/flat and avoid ones with stairs, small bath tubs etc.
> 
> It seems to me that the assumption that it is the man's duty to earn enough money to pay for the things that the woman needs is rather an old-fashioned view that you don't hear so much anymore. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be inflammatory, I just find it interesting that this kind of FA/SSBBW relationship seems to be inherently anti-feminist.
> 
> As for the less financially dependent practicalities... yes, I agree. I think a lot of it though is common sense, it just requires the FA in question to use a little thought when planning things. It shouldn't take a genius FA to realise that SSBBW walk a little slower... it just requires a FA who is generally considerate of other people.




you know i see how you feel, but the opposite question could be asked..you dont HAVE to have sturdy furniture, or a bigger car....BUT as far as the furniture goes, how do you feel about trying to haul an ssbbw off the floor when it breaks??? (lets not even talk injury here...) Not that it cant happen to sturdy furniture but....

i have a thick thick platform bed, best purchase ever...it has had 5 fatties on it at a time while going through closets for things to wear...it was DIRT cheap and has lasted me years and years...sometimes careful shopping is a better thing...


----------



## largenlovely

Well that's what this thread is for Matt...to help prepare men for the realities of what things will have to be considered when dating a very large woman. I could be wrong, but it doesn't have to be as black and white as far as pass/fail either. There is always a way to work around something. It's a matter of both parties working on finding ways to manage.




loggamatt said:


> But I don't think it's as black and white as FA 1 knows the needs of SSBBW 2, gets into a relationship with her then admits that he can't fulfill her needs. More often, FA 1 would think that he can fulfill SSBBW 2's needs, do his best to do that, but despite trying his best fail to do so. I don't think that FA 1 would therefore be dishonest for getting into a relationship with SSBBW 2... sometimes you just don't know if you can overcome obstacles until you try.


----------



## SocialbFly

Falcon said:


> Wow. Terrific thread.
> 
> As a FA I think _The Reality of Dating_ [or being married to] _a SSBBW_ is more an art than a science. In other words, one size doesn't fit all. It's a learning process, even for someone like me who's been married to the love of his life for many years.
> 
> I still have my share of Homer Simpson "Doh!" moments. For our anniversary a few years ago I was all excited about this room I'd booked at a very quaint out of the way bed and breakfast. The room had a private bathroom with a claw foot bathtub that I had dreams of us sharing together. I know, I know, but it just LOOKED bigger in the photos. :doh: But we compromised. She stayed in the tub while I did the cabana boy routine and we both had a great time. It's been mentioned here in a previous post but I have to agree; I love to shave her legs and, Holy Cow, painting her toenails is such an intimate, romantic experience.
> 
> And yes, she snores. And yes, she doesn't walk as fast as I can but she's 5-2 and I'm 6-2 so I learned long ago that I had to slow my pace considerably for her. But then, I don't always pick up my underwear or clean up the sink when I'm through in the bathroom. And it drives her crazy when I'm not as punctual as she is -- which is just about always. Any relationship is a dance and it takes time before you learn the steps and quit stepping on each other's toes.
> 
> One thing I do that I haven't heard mentioned here concerns helping her during bad weather. For instance, if we're going out to eat I know it's not enough to just let her out by the front door while I find a parking spot. If it's raining I'll stop by the restaurant door, put it in park, grab an umbrella and go around to her side of the car and walk her inside. She could get soaked in the time it takes her to walk inside. If it's snowing or icy it goes without saying that a gentleman should see that the lady makes it safely inside.
> 
> What it comes down to is, I don't think we (FAs) can have one without the other. If you love your gal's big rear end -- and I'm absolutly crazy about my wife's caboose -- then it goes without saying that you should love her enough to help her when she needs it. It's part of the relationship dance, or part of _The Reality of _[being with] _a SSBBW_.
> 
> Just my two cents.




You know i just love you, and i love how much you care about your wife, you and i have spoken about it many times....

can i say Birthday boy, you just rock!!!


----------



## JohnWylde

You know sweetie, I can't ever remember You being late for a date :kiss2:

But, as You say, You were always perfection!

lil john




chocolate desire said:


> Thats odd as when I was with Zsa and Gareth I was always the last one ready.. but then you cannot rush perfection can you?
> I am also pleased to add my babes don't mind that I am always an hour late and the last one to the car lol.


----------



## loggamatt

SocialbFly said:


> you know i see how you feel, but the opposite question could be asked..you dont HAVE to have sturdy furniture, or a bigger car....BUT as far as the furniture goes, how do you feel about trying to haul an ssbbw off the floor when it breaks??? (lets not even talk injury here...) Not that it cant happen to sturdy furniture but....
> 
> i have a thick thick platform bed, best purchase ever...it has had 5 fatties on it at a time while going through closets for things to wear...it wa DIRT cheap and has lasted me years and years...sometimes careful shopping is a better thing...



Yep... totally. Again, I'm not saying that FAs shouldn't care about the need for sturdy furniture... I'm just saying that a FA isn't a bad person if he can't afford it and hasn't been lucky enough to find cheap sturdy furniture through careful shopping 

I would hate it to come across as though I just don't care about SSBBW issues... lol


----------



## SocialbFly

i dont think that, i think you you took a more arguementative stance for the sake of having a discussion, which i dont happen to find such a bad thing...

i know regular sized people who break furniture too...but i have to add, i was at a bed and breakfast with Stacy and my best friend Barb and her husband..somehow i got stuck with the fricking sofa bed....well, it was old and rickety at best...but i had my weight spread out pretty equally and it wasnt groaning *too much* until Stacy decided she needed to sit on it too...my weight i prolly could have squeeked by with...add another 150 lbs to it, and suddenly, what did i hear but crack and my fat ass is sitting on a bent sofa bed then squeek, yeah, right to the floor....i made them leave so i could hoist my ass up (who wants to do the splits and heaves in front of friends who are NOT fat initiated??) and then i bent the sofa bed back (yeah, strong like bull, what can i say?) then, i slept on the closed small sofa bed til stacy took pity on me and gave me the bed around the corner from me...

it sucked, did my friend need to do some better checking yeah...but like i said, she is not initiated (although now a lot more) but forwarned is forarmed and should make your life a little easier....and i know this can be a pricey thing to do, but when my fat family comes to visit, i know the 4 of us would fit into a large car ok, or my suv...but go to add anyone else...well, they better bring vaseline, that is all i have to say....so...solution, car rental even for a short time, i rented a mini van, and all was good (even though they gave me a 7 passenger Dorango...still better than my rodeo).


----------



## loggamatt

SocialbFly said:


> i dont think that, i think you you took a more arguementative stance for the sake of having a discussion, which i dont happen to find such a bad thing...
> 
> i know regular sized people who break furniture too...but i have to add, i was at a bed and breakfast with Stacy and my best friend Barb and her husband..somehow i got stuck with the fricking sofa bed....well, it was old and rickety at best...but i had my weight spread out pretty equally and it wasnt groaning *too much* until Stacy decided she needed to sit on it too...my weight i prolly could have squeeked by with...add another 150 lbs to it, and suddenly, what did i hear but crack and my fat ass is sitting on a bent sofa bed then squeek, yeah, right to the floor....i made them leave so i could hoist my ass up (who wants to do the splits and heaves in front of friends who are NOT fat initiated??) and then i bent the sofa bed back (yeah, strong like bull, what can i say?) then, i slept on the closed small sofa bed til stacy took pity on me and gave me the bed around the corner from me...
> 
> it sucked, did my friend need to do some better checking yeah...but like i said, she is not initiated (although now a lot more) but forwarned is forarmed and should make your life a little easier....and i know this can be a pricey thing to do, but when my fat family comes to visit, i know the 4 of us would fit into a large car ok, or my suv...but go to add anyone else...well, they better bring vaseline, that is all i have to say....so...solution, car rental even for a short time, i rented a mini van, and all was good (even though they gave me a 7 passenger Dorango...still better than my rodeo).



Sofa beds are the bane of any fat person's existence!  As I say, I'm a pretty hefty size myself and have my own sofa bed horror story... lol. A couple of years ago I stayed for the first time at my friend's (then) new house on his sofa bed. Well, it was designed so that the wooden slats that the mattress was on flexed slightly... of course, my weight made them flex so much that loudly, in the middle of the night, half of them fell out of their holders onto the hard wooden floor making a tremendous noise. Anyway, to cut a long story short, my friend's girlfriend coming downstairs to find me crawling around in my underwear, holding pieces of wood and trying to figure out how to put them back together was rather embarrassing! 

Mind you, I'm currently looking to buy a sofa bed for my new flat and they all seem pretty flimsy! Maybe there really is no such thing as a sturdy sofa bed...


----------



## largenlovely

lmao is it wrong of me to laugh at these stories? i know i was horrified with my own "bed breaking story" but i have definitely gotten many laughs out of it as well when i retell it (and i laugh about it also, after the panic wore off) lol 



loggamatt said:


> Anyway, to cut a long story short, my friend's girlfriend coming downstairs to find me crawling around in my underwear, holding pieces of wood and trying to figure out how to put them back together was rather embarrassing!


----------



## Falcon

SocialbFly said:


> You know i just love you, and i love how much you care about your wife, you and i have spoken about it many times....
> 
> can i say Birthday boy, you just rock!!!



Aw, back atcha my friend. You know the feeling's mutual. (Except for the birthday part, since yours is in September.)


----------



## Falcon

JayInBuff said:


> I knew that I got a B.A. for a reason.



LOL, it's either that or a B.S., isn't it?


----------



## loggamatt

largenlovely said:


> lmao is it wrong of me to laugh at these stories? i know i was horrified with my own "bed breaking story" but i have definitely gotten many laughs out of it as well when i retell it (and i laugh about it also, after the panic wore off) lol



Ah, you have to be able to laugh at yourself... with all the embarrassing things (I swear, I'm a disaster) that have happened to me over the years, I would be in some sort of therapy by now if I hadn't learnt to have a sense of humour about it all


----------



## largenlovely

hahaha same here...i can remember back to when it all started happening. I was around 17 yrs old and dating my very first FA. We were outside at his cousins house sitting on one of those bench swings. I remember thinking it didn't look very sturdy...i shoulda went with that lol. Next thing i know my entire side of the swing was on the ground hahaha. 

From that moment on it has been a series of similar events ....just bigger items now lol




loggamatt said:


> Ah, you have to be able to laugh at yourself... with all the embarrassing things (I swear, I'm a disaster) that have happened to me over the years, I would be in some sort of therapy by now if I hadn't learnt to have a sense of humour about it all


----------



## chocolate desire

JohnWylde said:


> You know sweetie, I can't ever remember You being late for a date :kiss2:
> 
> But, as You say, You were always perfection!
> 
> lil john



you are the perfect one... Perfect for Me that is:smitten:


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Oh it just hit me that way. It wasn't anything you or anyone else in particular said. But you know - there has been a lot of FA sgoing on here at Dims over the last year and I guess I'm just oversensitive to it. Since I'm head over heels in love with one and my best guy friend is one. Ya know. 

Oh well - I'm off to spend time with hubby. :wubu::wubu:




largenlovely said:


> I don't think it's solely the responsibility of the FA to support all the needs of an SSBBW. I sure hope that this thread hasn't been coming across that way....
> 
> Bruce is still living at home with his folks. I was living in Atlanta on my own but decided to move back to Mobile with my family to try to help save money for us to find a place to live together. Sacrifices must be made..on both sides.
> 
> My whole point in this thread was that there are certain realities that men need to consider when dating a much larger woman. As bigbellyssbbw mentioned, these issues diminish depending on the size of the woman. But the realities of the needs of a much larger woman must be taken into account and i think there are some men who haven't considered some of these things.
> 
> I definitely agree that two people should work together. If i were to suggest otherwise i'd be a complete hypocrit. I mean, if an ssbbw is single then she has to figure out all these things on her own. But...if she is in a relationship the partner takes on their own share in helping fulfill these needs as well, and vice versa


----------



## chocolate desire

Ok I might be dumb but how can an apartment be to small? I am big but have never been to big for any house unless it was a doll house.
My only problem with a house is it I have to go upstairs to A use the bathroom or B eat.

And I agree on the together thing in fact John and I talked about what car to buy once he has moved here I am praying he agrees with the Maxima(He looked great in it).


I always belive if there is a will there is a way.
ETA Babes I love you.. I know you read all my post and I am very thankful that I have you.Ok mushy time over lol.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Matt,

I hope this doesn't induce TOO much forehead-smacking for you, but I've found your whole argument rather funny. Why? Because this was in Lissa's very first post:



Lissa said:


> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, *because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...*i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol).



Bolding mine. She said in the very first long paragraph of hers that if a guy couldn't AFFORD a big car it was a different matter.

I just had to point that out. lol


----------



## ripley

loggamatt said:


> lol... yes, sorry, I perhaps took it all a bit seriously. I just think that it's always best if a SSBBW and FA work together on these things... rather than it being a FA's job to solely make these things work.
> 
> Anyway, sorry if I caused any offense... group hug people!





loggamatt said:


> Yep... totally. Again, I'm not saying that FAs shouldn't care about the need for sturdy furniture... I'm just saying that a FA isn't a bad person if he can't afford it and hasn't been lucky enough to find cheap sturdy furniture through careful shopping
> 
> I would hate it to come across as though I just don't care about SSBBW issues... lol





Okay, I just gotta ask...do you think all SSBBW are wealthy? And if not, how do you think the poor ones live? We do okay by ourselves, and are not looking for a sugar daddy. But if YOU want us in YOUR life, shouldn't you make a little effort so we actually *fit* in your life? I do not require that FAs be wealthy. What I do require is kindness and patience. If he's thoughtful too, and thinks "I'm gonna get some cement blocks to put under this bed frame so ripley feels secure" then I'm gonna think he's the sweetest thing ever. And cement blocks aren't made of gold, ya know?

I had to buy a different vehicle because I got too fat for my car. It was used and not expensive. I have a small tub, and bought a curved shower rod so the curtain doesn't touch me. Less than $30. IT IS NOT ABOUT MONEY. It is about forethought. It's about kindness. It's about him thinking a little and being willing to accommodate my fat body if he likes it so much. It's about choosing sturdier furniture over the more stylish not-so-sturdy stuff. It's about caring if we're safe and comfortable.

I think you made an issue where none exist. 






Oh, and P.S. ....The non-snoring SSBBW might have a CPAP.  Either way, get used to it.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

Falcon said:


> One thing I do that I haven't heard mentioned here concerns helping her during bad weather. For instance, if we're going out to eat I know it's not enough to just let her out by the front door while I find a parking spot. If it's raining I'll stop by the restaurant door, put it in park, grab an umbrella and go around to her side of the car and walk her inside. She could get soaked in the time it takes her to walk inside. If it's snowing or icy it goes without saying that a gentleman should see that the lady makes it safely inside.



In a situation like this, the feeder in me will suggest ordering in and eating naked; intimacy has a way of finding simple solutions to simple problems or obstacles. And for the record, whenever Melissa and I have done this, I was sure to set and clean the table every time.

There's a fine line between being a boyfriend and a cabana boy, and we make arrangements to make things easy for both of us. For example, I'll clear dishes and cups away, but she's cleaning them. We don't get much time together with the way things are right now, but in the time we DO have, we find ways to make her life easier without me feeling like a nurse's aid instead of a boyfriend.


----------



## loggamatt

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Matt,
> 
> I hope this doesn't induce TOO much forehead-smacking for you, but I've found your whole argument rather funny. Why? Because this was in Lissa's very first post:
> 
> 
> 
> Bolding mine. She said in the very first long paragraph of hers that if a guy couldn't AFFORD a big car it was a different matter.
> 
> I just had to point that out. lol



lol... thanks, free reading lessons are always useful for the intellectually underdeveloped such as myself 

Although, it may shock you to know that in this case I had managed to read Melissa's original post in it's entirety. Can I just say now that my post WASN'T directed against Melissa, despite it appearing to have come across that way. Probably because I used the car example to get across my point, as the car example was an easy one. But my problem is not with any particular poster, I just don't like the general idea that men can be graded on how good an FA they are by the car they drive, house they live in, etc etc.

It just smacks of a materialistic outlook on life... 'you're only a real man if you drive a big car with lots of chrome and shiny bits...' whereas I just don't see it as the man's role to have the car, or the man's role to have the house, or the man's role to have the job to pay for it all anymore. My Grandad never learnt to drive, my Granny had the car and drove him to places when he needed to go... I don't think that made him any less of a man.

To be honest, if the SSBBW in question has a car that she drives and is comfortable in, I don't see how the car that the FA drives is an issue at all. Same with apartments... if my furniture is too flimsy, why can't we go to yours?

But, this is just me... I have a fairly modern view of the equal roles of men and women in relationships. I know a lot of people have more traditional views about what the man's responsibilities are and what the women's responsibilities are. That's fine, and if it works for you then great... I'm just saying that I personally would not want a woman to judge my eligibility on what my apartment was like, or what car I drove.

And again, this is not directed against anyone in particular! lol


----------



## loggamatt

ripley said:


> Okay, I just gotta ask...do you think all SSBBW are wealthy? And if not, how do you think the poor ones live? We do okay by ourselves, and are not looking for a sugar daddy. But if YOU want us in YOUR life, shouldn't you make a little effort so we actually *fit* in your life? I do not require that FAs be wealthy. What I do require is kindness and patience. If he's thoughtful too, and thinks "I'm gonna get some cement blocks to put under this bed frame so ripley feels secure" then I'm gonna think he's the sweetest thing ever. And cement blocks aren't made of gold, ya know?
> 
> I had to buy a different vehicle because I got too fat for my car. It was used and not expensive. I have a small tub, and bought a curved shower rod so the curtain doesn't touch me. Less than $30. IT IS NOT ABOUT MONEY. It is about forethought. It's about kindness. It's about him thinking a little and being willing to accommodate my fat body if he likes it so much. It's about choosing sturdier furniture over the more stylish not-so-sturdy stuff. It's about caring if we're safe and comfortable.
> 
> I think you made an issue where none exist.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Oh, and P.S. ....The non-snoring SSBBW might have a CPAP.  Either way, get used to it.



I'm sorry, but I'm going to be so late for work if I reply to this in it's entirety! lol

Just to say:

1) I didn't suggest that all SSBBW are inherently dependent on their man. I know that many are very independent.

2) I also didn't suggest that men just shouldn't care about the issues that come with being an SSBBW.

3) I'm sorry... I'm going to have to go or I'll lose my job and won't have any car at all! ;-)

Peace x


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

chocolate desire said:


> Ok I might be dumb but how can an apartment be to small? I am big but have never been to big for any house unless it was a doll house.
> My only problem with a house is it I have to go upstairs to A use the bathroom or B eat.



Trust me. Here in the UK, things run very small. I keep trying to explain this to people...the US is much easier to be fat. Here in Europe it is not uncommon to have supersmall buildings. There are some shops here that I cannot go into because the door is too small. I never had a problem fitting into houses or shops until I left America....it is a whole different can of worms here sadly.


----------



## Shosh

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Trust me. Here in the UK, things run very small. I keep trying to explain this to people...the US is much easier to be fat. Here in Europe it is not uncommon to have supersmall buildings. There are some shops here that I cannot go into because the door is too small. I never had a problem fitting into houses or shops until I left America....it is a whole different can of worms here sadly.



Yes. I have two cousins who live in London and their places are both small.
I have also heard that people there are not so fond of fat people ,and some of them can be very mean in that regard.


----------



## Scrumptious_voluptuous

Now, I think I need to step in and say a few words about Mr Loggamatt as a few things seem to have gotten lost in translation in that curly-whirly way of the internet. 

Ironically enough, he seems to be getting a bit of a beat-down, when he remains one of the ONLY FAs that I know of IRL that DOES actually take note of an SSBBWs need when out and about! I've been out with so-called FAs who drive around in sports cars, whilst Matt has quite a sensible big car (sorry, I don't know car names) big enough for an SSBBW to sit in without blocking the gear stick. He walks slowly enough for one to keep up with, and is automatically concious of bolted down/free standing tables and chairs in restaurants. Beleive me ladies, a LOT of FAs could learn a lot from him. 

He's just pointing out - as I would like to as well - that it _is_ a game of two halves. If the FAs flat is too small, or not practical enough for me, I will walk out straightaway and just say lets go to mine. I don't expect him to have re-inforced furniture already, after all, a lot of them wont unless they've lived with an SSBBW before and have the furniture leftover. And thats only if they were allowed to keep it! Yes, they should think about stuff whilst we're out on a date, but I wouldn't comprimise my life, furniture, choice of decor etc just for the prospect of a man, so why should they?

This is just for the dating time though, I think it all changes when you choose to live together. But by that time, he should be trained enough


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Susannah said:


> Yes. I have two cousins who live in London and their places are both small.
> I have also heard that people there are not so fond of fat people ,and some of them can be very mean in that regard.




Not so fond? LOL. I have never experienced pure hatred like this in all of my life. It's hard to explain because the bbws that were raised here know nothing different and the bbws in America can't comprehend it. You can't understand until you have lived in both cultures. Then add to the fact that things are physically smaller here in the UK and it is a recipe for disaster. It makes me even prouder that Mike is so ok and open about his preference. We always hold hands in public and he doesn't think twice before kissing me in the middle of a store....he makes me feel like a princess even though everyone else is glaring at me. *sigh* I have the best FA hubby....seriously....so thoughtful and loving.


----------



## Shosh

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Not so fond? LOL. I have never experienced pure hatred like this in all of my life. It's hard to explain because the bbws that were raised here know nothing different and the bbws in America can't comprehend it. You can't understand until you have lived in both cultures. Then add to the fact that things are physically smaller here in the UK and it is a recipe for disaster. It makes me even prouder that Mike is so ok and open about his preference. We always hold hands in public and he doesn't think twice before kissing me in the middle of a store....he makes me feel like a princess even though everyone else is glaring at me. *sigh* I have the best FA hubby....seriously....so thoughtful and loving.



Gosh I am sorry that you are having to go through this Donni. Some people can be arrogant bloody pigs, women and men alike. I went through years of abuse because of my weight, I have been there and it has left me scarred somewhat.
Mike sounds like such a nice guy. It must be hard because others must have a go at him also for his preference. Some people are just so horrible.

My heart does go out to you.

Shosh


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Susannah said:


> Gosh I am sorry that you are having to go through this Donni. Some people can be arrogant bloody pigs, women and men alike. I went through years of abuse because of my weight, I have been there and it has left me scarred somewhat.
> Mike sounds like such a nice guy. It must be hard because others must have a go at him also for his preference. Some people are just so horrible.
> 
> My heart does go out to you.
> 
> Shosh



Actually people haven't said much to him. He got a couple of comments from people at work when they found Mike's myspace (before we made them private) and there was a picture of him and I on a bed...he got some shit for that...for a day, but that's been it. People knew of his preference cos his last gf was fat, though she hated it and other fat people. His parents haven't said anything except "are you sure you know what you are doing?" when he told them I was moving over. He's been very lucky. The only time we socialise together is at BGP and most of the guys there are jealous of him, lol, so it's an ego boost for him. 

It does help that Mike is very attractive, educated and doing very well in his career. People respect him.....he's like my lil trophy husband, lol. 

And don't feel too sorry for me I'm spoiled. I have found true love...something most people miss out on...so what if I have to deal with a few assholes lol. I'm getting better at dealing with it, I think. I do feel sorry for other bbws in countries other than the USA....the girls in the US have no idea just how good they have it!

I'm lucky I have an FA who totally gets my needs and goes out of his way to make me comfy and happy. I get so used to it that sometimes I take it for granted, but he really is great.

As far as the UK goes, hopefully there will be a fat revolution soon, lol. I doubt it, but I can hope. There are a lot of FAs here....it would be great if people could just be free to be themselves....fat or thin.


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## DdeelishUK

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Not so fond? LOL. I have never experienced pure hatred like this in all of my life. It's hard to explain because the bbws that were raised here know nothing different and the bbws in America can't comprehend it. You can't understand until you have lived in both cultures. Then add to the fact that things are physically smaller here in the UK and it is a recipe for disaster. It makes me even prouder that Mike is so ok and open about his preference. We always hold hands in public and he doesn't think twice before kissing me in the middle of a store....he makes me feel like a princess even though everyone else is glaring at me. *sigh* I have the best FA hubby....seriously....so thoughtful and loving.


You are so RIGHT - at 42 I have lived with this English stigma most of my life as thats as long as I've been fat LOL
I live in a large village/tiny market town - have done for 9 yrs now - but I just CANNOT get a date locally as this has to be one of the most 'fatist' communities I ever lived in - if I had a pound for every time a guy in my local has told me he thinks I am fantastic - gorgeous - decent - blah blah blah - BUT I am too fat for him so if I lose 5-10 stone he'll date me - my replies have usually been blunt and to the point along the lines of who asked you anyway LOL
I also have my fair share of problems with restaurants and now have given up with cinemas - even train/bus transport can be very uncomfortable for the old knees squashed into too tight seat areas 
But by far the worst problem is our British society - so many are so anti-fat (both male and female) and as a SSBBW you get the worst of it - sniggers - blatantly rude comments said loud enough for you to overhear - bets to see who can pull the fat bird - being groped and harassed cos they think you are a quick no strings shag - and worse of all they feel you don't deserve to have feelings or be treated as a normal member of society cos after all it must have been because you are a greedy binger that you got that fat and gross in the first place....sigh
Some days I despair of us Brits ever becoming an accepting society and community - rare is the UK man who will stick to fingers up to whats expected of him in the dating game and will stand to what he desires and wants and bugger the fatist haters


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

DdeelishUK said:


> You are so RIGHT - at 42 I have lived with this English stigma most of my life as thats as long as I've been fat LOL
> I live in a large village/tiny market town - have done for 9 yrs now - but I just CANNOT get a date locally as this has to be one of the most 'fatist' communities I ever lived in - if I had a pound for every time a guy in my local has told me he thinks I am fantastic - gorgeous - decent - blah blah blah - BUT I am too fat for him so if I lose 5-10 stone he'll date me - my replies have usually been blunt and to the point along the lines of who asked you anyway LOL
> I also have my fair share of problems with restaurants and now have given up with cinemas - even train/bus transport can be very uncomfortable for the old knees squashed into too tight seat areas
> But by far the worst problem is our British society - so many are so anti-fat (both male and female) and as a SSBBW you get the worst of it - sniggers - blatantly rude comments said loud enough for you to overhear - bets to see who can pull the fat bird - being groped and harassed cos they think you are a quick no strings shag - and worse of all they feel you don't deserve to have feelings or be treated as a normal member of society cos after all it must have been because you are a greedy binger that you got that fat and gross in the first place....sigh
> Some days I despair of us Brits ever becoming an accepting society and community - rare is the UK man who will stick to fingers up to whats expected of him in the dating game and will stand to what he desires and wants and bugger the fatist haters




Finally, lol, someone lives in the same Britain that I live in, lol. Thankfully I haven't had to live here as a single person...I think I woulda died. But yes, the view of a fat person as greedy is something I hear quite a lot. It took a while to even comprehend what they were getting at because in America I was not once in my entire life called greedy for being fat. It has been a hard transition to go from a fat tolerant society to a fat hating one...it has taken my self esteem for a wild ride in which I haven't recovered.


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## Shosh

Australia is pretty anti fat too. People made my life so miserable. I was often verbally abused, and I even had a beer bottle thrown at me once.
America sounds like the place to live if you are an SSBBW. It sounds as if life would be easier there than anywhere else.


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## DdeelishUK

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Finally, lol, someone lives in the same Britain that I live in, lol. Thankfully I haven't had to live here as a single person...I think I woulda died. But yes, the view of a fat person as greedy is something I hear quite a lot. It took a while to even comprehend what they were getting at because in America I was not once in my entire life called greedy for being fat. It has been a hard transition to go from a fat tolerant society to a fat hating one...it has taken my self esteem for a wild ride in which I haven't recovered.


Oh I know all about the rollercoaster rides we big gals are forced to take under the 'self-esteem logo 
BUT - it does get better hunny and you are very pretty - its taken me a long time and you are still young - but learn to like and respect yourself and hold your head high - and the rest gradually gets easier  xxxxx


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Susannah said:


> Australia is pretty anti fat too. People made my life so miserable. I was often verbally abused, and I even had a beer bottle thrown at me once.
> America sounds like the place to live if you are an SSBBW. It sounds as if life would be easier there than anywhere else.




Indeed it is. I miss how easy life was....when the worst thing I had to worry about was chairs with arms. Now I have to worry about who is going to say what, constantly.

I think it is easier to be an FA in the states as well. In line with the thought of this thread...it is easier to get your hands on things that would make a ssbbw more comfy...like sturdy, cheap furniture or a big old car. In this part of the world (UK) Things are made smaller and more flimsy. Somehow Mike has made everything work though.  I'm so lucky to have landed such a guy.


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## LillyBBBW

I can walk, just not very fast and not very often. An FA I dated lived 5 or six blocks from the stop on the subway. The first time I went to his place it was a nice day so we walked. After that he somehow got the idea that we could do this all the time. I told him no, I can't walk it today and he seemed put out that he had to wait for the bus with me. Even for a mobile ssbbw there is the issue of wear and tear. I have to choose my battles and preserve what mobility I have left by taking the easy way out whenever it's available. I have the stamina to do stuff but my body is not in agreement with the repeated trauma so I have to say no a lot. Just because your ssbbw is mobile doesn't mean you can run her ragged. And please don't be a grouch about it. Rebecca touched on it earlier but it bears repeating. Thanks.


----------



## GordoNegro

LillyBBBW said:


> I can walk, just not very fast and not very often. An FA I dated lived 5 or six blocks from the stop on the subway. The first time I went to his place it was a nice day so we walked. After that he somehow got the idea that we could do this all the time. I told him no, I can't walk it today and he seemed put out that he had to wait for the bus with me. Even for a mobile ssbbw there is the issue of wear and tear. I have to choose my battles and preserve what mobility I have left by taking the easy way out whenever it's available. I have the stamina to do stuff but my body is not in agreement with the repeated trauma so I have to say no a lot. Just because your ssbbw is mobile doesn't mean you can run her ragged. And please don't be a grouch about it. Rebecca touched on it earlier but it bears repeating. Thanks.



You definately have a valid point, I remember when I was without a car at 19 years of age (13 yrs ago), I had a date with a limited mobile ssbbw but because of limited funds as a college student and inexperience; I asked her on a date to Uno's in the village thinking it would be convenient being near the train station.
Though I did not figure that the escalators would be out at it would be 84 steps from the bottom to the surface. My date was not able to do that as I saw her painfully struggle. We went to another station with a working elevator and rode another train back down, though the steps were still an issue as I started to worry if i had enough cash on me.
I felt so bad after she struggled making it up there; I decided to use whatever was left to get a cab to take us back to Brooklyn, which in NY is still not an easy feat (due to obvious reasons).
We wound up breaking up due to personality conflicts, though it made me a better FA over time as I literally would check restaurants for seating, moviehouses for armrests that slide up, applying for Lane Bryant and Catherine's cards in case past indulgence caused certain clothes not to fit etc.
On the flipside, I will say it also has me appreciate a ssbbw who can be in an awkward scenario/situation and not have me feel guilty or inconsiderate for years for doing something sporadically and not fully preparing/planning etc.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

GordoNegro said:


> applying for Lane Bryant and Catherine's cards in case past indulgence caused certain clothes not to fit etc.




Now that is a great idea, lol.


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## loggamatt

Scrumptious_voluptuous said:


> Now, I think I need to step in and say a few words about Mr Loggamatt as a few things seem to have gotten lost in translation in that curly-whirly way of the internet.
> 
> Ironically enough, he seems to be getting a bit of a beat-down, when he remains one of the ONLY FAs that I know of IRL that DOES actually take note of an SSBBWs need when out and about! I've been out with so-called FAs who drive around in sports cars, whilst Matt has quite a sensible big car (sorry, I don't know car names) big enough for an SSBBW to sit in without blocking the gear stick. He walks slowly enough for one to keep up with, and is automatically concious of bolted down/free standing tables and chairs in restaurants. Beleive me ladies, a LOT of FAs could learn a lot from him.
> 
> He's just pointing out - as I would like to as well - that it _is_ a game of two halves. If the FAs flat is too small, or not practical enough for me, I will walk out straightaway and just say lets go to mine. I don't expect him to have re-inforced furniture already, after all, a lot of them wont unless they've lived with an SSBBW before and have the furniture leftover. And thats only if they were allowed to keep it! Yes, they should think about stuff whilst we're out on a date, but I wouldn't comprimise my life, furniture, choice of decor etc just for the prospect of a man, so why should they?
> 
> This is just for the dating time though, I think it all changes when you choose to live together. But by that time, he should be trained enough



Awww... I love Miranda 

Anyway... for all my posts on this thread, please ignore and instead read what Miranda just said about it being a game of two halves (which is a football/'soccer' expression... does that translate for you Americans? lol) as she's put it way better than I have!


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## Tommy_Oblivion

I used to drive a large bench seated dodge ram, with plenty of room for the ladies. Though it was high enough off the ground i had to help some fat girls up into it; so in that regard i guess oh well. Now I drive a lincoln mark 8, a part of my mind enjoys watching a fat girl squeeze into it.


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## loggamatt

Just weighing in on the Britain being an anti-fat place thing...

I wonder sometimes if a big part of Britain being a place where people shout out fat insults and things in the streets is the drinking culture over here. There seems to be a real culture of people whose idea of a night out is getting drunk, then wandering around trying to cause trouble. I say this because I've had people shout anti-fat things at me in the street before, but only drunk people in the evening... it's never happened to me during the day when people tend to still be sober. Now I've been to the US a few times, and I've never noticed that same behaviour amongst American drinkers... sure, people have too much to drink and get rowdy, but I've never seen gangs of drunk Americans wandering around starting fights and insulting people.

That said, the media is ridiculously size-unfriendly over here which certainly doesn't help. I honestly don't know why Britain is this way... perhaps it's something to do with the celebrity culture, or perhaps we're all just emotionally repressed Brits who let our frustrations out on the nearest fat person! lol

The things being smaller over here thing is easier to understand though. Living space is at a premium in the UK, so buildings are smaller... fuel prices are insane so we can't afford to drive huge cars... furniture is smaller because we can't fit big furniture in our tiny flats.

Don't get me wrong, I love Britain and there are so many things I'd miss about it if I lived in America... but I must also agree that America's a much easier place to live if you're big!

Oh, one last thing... I'm a very uncloseted FA and I've never had any of my friends make fun of me for my preference. Perhaps I'm just lucky enough to have great friends, but I think it suggests that not everyone in the UK as an asshole about BBW and FAs... so there is some hope!


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## loggamatt

GordoNegro said:


> You definately have a valid point, I remember when I was without a car at 19 years of age (13 yrs ago), I had a date with a limited mobile ssbbw but because of limited funds as a college student and inexperience; I asked her on a date to Uno's in the village thinking it would be convenient being near the train station.
> Though I did not figure that the escalators would be out at it would be 84 steps from the bottom to the surface. My date was not able to do that as I saw her painfully struggle. We went to another station with a working elevator and rode another train back down, though the steps were still an issue as I started to worry if i had enough cash on me.
> I felt so bad after she struggled making it up there; I decided to use whatever was left to get a cab to take us back to Brooklyn, which in NY is still not an easy feat (due to obvious reasons).
> We wound up breaking up due to personality conflicts, though it made me a better FA over time as I literally would check restaurants for seating, moviehouses for armrests that slide up, applying for Lane Bryant and Catherine's cards in case past indulgence caused certain clothes not to fit etc.
> On the flipside, I will say it also has me appreciate a ssbbw who can be in an awkward scenario/situation and not have me feel guilty or inconsiderate for years for doing something sporadically and not fully preparing/planning etc.



Well this is the other thing... the best laid plans of mice and FAs often go awry. For all the planning we FAs do, things like escalators being out of order can really bite us in the ass! lol


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## SocialbFly

loggamatt said:


> lol... thanks, free reading lessons are always useful for the intellectually underdeveloped such as myself
> 
> Although, it may shock you to know that in this case I had managed to read Melissa's original post in it's entirety. Can I just say now that my post WASN'T directed against Melissa, despite it appearing to have come across that way. Probably because I used the car example to get across my point, as the car example was an easy one. But my problem is not with any particular poster, I just don't like the general idea that men can be graded on how good an FA they are by the car they drive, house they live in, etc etc.
> 
> It just smacks of a materialistic outlook on life... 'you're only a real man if you drive a big car with lots of chrome and shiny bits...' whereas I just don't see it as the man's role to have the car, or the man's role to have the house, or the man's role to have the job to pay for it all anymore. My Grandad never learnt to drive, my Granny had the car and drove him to places when he needed to go... I don't think that made him any less of a man.
> 
> To be honest, if the SSBBW in question has a car that she drives and is comfortable in, I don't see how the car that the FA drives is an issue at all. Same with apartments... if my furniture is too flimsy, why can't we go to yours?
> 
> But, this is just me... I have a fairly modern view of the equal roles of men and women in relationships. I know a lot of people have more traditional views about what the man's responsibilities are and what the women's responsibilities are. That's fine, and if it works for you then great... I'm just saying that I personally would not want a woman to judge my eligibility on what my apartment was like, or what car I drove.
> 
> And again, this is not directed against anyone in particular! lol



Just to explain something from my viewpoint...sometimes when FAs are in the closet, the guy will ONLY want to go to your place (God forbid someone see a fat girl at his place...holy shit!!!!) so, sometimes it isnt a want, it is almost a need to be seen as part of his life too....just another way to look at it...i absolutely prefer to have them come to my house, i know the strgnth of my furniture, and dont know yours, but sometimes it is needed to be both ways, cause i am not in the closet and if the guy is, i dont want him anymore, i cant do it again, and i wont!!!!


----------



## SocialbFly

LillyBBBW said:


> I can walk, just not very fast and not very often. An FA I dated lived 5 or six blocks from the stop on the subway. The first time I went to his place it was a nice day so we walked. After that he somehow got the idea that we could do this all the time. I told him no, I can't walk it today and he seemed put out that he had to wait for the bus with me. Even for a mobile ssbbw there is the issue of wear and tear. I have to choose my battles and preserve what mobility I have left by taking the easy way out whenever it's available. I have the stamina to do stuff but my body is not in agreement with the repeated trauma so I have to say no a lot. Just because your ssbbw is mobile doesn't mean you can run her ragged. And please don't be a grouch about it. Rebecca touched on it earlier but it bears repeating. Thanks.



I love how you put things, you crack me up...and yeah, what she said, i can do it, just dont run me ragged doing it...lol.


----------



## loggamatt

SocialbFly said:


> Just to explain something from my viewpoint...sometimes when FAs are in the closet, the guy will ONLY want to go to your place (God forbid someone see a fat girl at his place...holy shit!!!!) so, sometimes it isnt a want, it is almost a need to be seen as part of his life too....just another way to look at it...i absolutely prefer to have them come to my house, i know the strgnth of my furniture, and dont know yours, but sometimes it is needed to be both ways, cause i am not in the closet and if the guy is, i dont want him anymore, i cant do it again, and i wont!!!!



That's interesting... I'd never thought of it like that. Still, it doesn't take much to catch out a closeted FA... just tell him you'd like to see the town in which he lives and you'd like to go out for a meal there. If he turns white as a sheet and makes an excuse, he's probably not out of the closet


----------



## Gingembre

Sorry everyone...I'm about to go offtopic for a sec.



BigBellySSBBW said:


> I miss how easy life was....when the worst thing I had to worry about was chairs with arms. Now I have to worry about who is going to say what, constantly.



Donni, I found all your comments very interesting. Like you said, I've always lived as a fat girl in the UK so I don't know any differently. I always assumed attitudes to fat people were the same in the USA, Australia etc. I thought the UK didn't have it so bad, compared to the looks I've encountered and the sizes of clothes sold etc in France and Italy etc. I'm going to US for 2-3 weeks in November and will be spending most of that alone. I don't let my weight stop me travelling places, and I don't mind travelling alone, but I do often find myself listening to music or gritting my teeth as I walk along, waiting for a look or a comment from someone. I'm now feeling so much more excited about my trip, so thanks for that!!  Some rep coming your way!

Can't remember who started this topic now, but I'm gonna rep you too. I'm not SS, but this topic has made for really interesting and informative reading.


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## liz (di-va)

SocialbFly said:


> Just to explain something from my viewpoint...sometimes when FAs are in the closet, the guy will ONLY want to go to your place (God forbid someone see a fat girl at his place...holy shit!!!!) so, sometimes it isnt a want, it is almost a need to be seen as part of his life too....just another way to look at it...i absolutely prefer to have them come to my house, i know the strgnth of my furniture, and dont know yours, but sometimes it is needed to be both ways, cause i am not in the closet and if the guy is, i dont want him anymore, i cant do it again, and i wont!!!!



This is a really good point, I've run into this as well. Granted, the thread is geared -- theoretically -- toward guys who wouldn't be in the closet anyhow, but it's absolutely part of the equation. It's not just--mostly--logistics, there can be an element of well, do you want to be seen with me, period, in all this stuff.


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## largenlovely

well i'm much more interested in a boyfriend than a nurse's aide anyway LOL... certainly wouldn't want my man to make me feel like a cause or project rather than his lady



UncannyBruceman said:


> We don't get much time together with the way things are right now, but in the time we DO have, we find ways to make her life easier without me feeling like a nurse's aid instead of a boyfriend.


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## largenlovely

omg that is horrific!!! I am pretty sure i would've winded up in jail or in the hospital lol

I do my very best to remain ladylike and handle things in a proper manner, but once someone does something like that the gloves come off. I would've had to go psycho/hillbilly on someone lol

I was coming out of a gas station and there was a van full of biker looking dudes (complete with tattooes,head scarves and sleeveless shirts). One of them said something and i walked right over and chastised every one of them and told them how ashamed of themselves they should be. I don't know if they were just so shocked that i did it, or if they actually felt remorse, but nobody said anything and i saw a few hung heads lol



Susannah said:


> and I even had a beer bottle thrown at me once.


----------



## Falcon

SocialbFly said:


> I love how you put things, you crack me up...and yeah, what she said, i can do it, just dont run me ragged doing it...lol.



And there's much to be said for strolling. I love those moments after you've just had a great meal together and you step out of the restaurant into the evening air. You hold hands and just sort of "stroll" to your car. It's so peaceful and I always feel such contentment. What could be better than holding hands with your best gal, leisurely enjoying each other's company and doing it all on a full stomach? :happy:


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## liz (di-va)

Do we really need to keep saying all this is a two-way street--here? In this particular thread? I mean that as an honest question. Maybe we do. I thought it was clear from how the convo went that this was understood--in fact was something of a given. Not a financial litmus test, or a test of anybody's pure FA-ness, just...reality. Life. Some men really haven't yet thought about the fact that if you have a small car and want to take a SSBBW out, it actually won't happen.

Anyhow, two thoughts:

If you're inclined to see this as a list of BBW demands, one thing I keep thinking is that this is in fact a thread that exists because women are willing to be _vulnerable_. Because somewhere in what's being said is...we need your help. To do certain things/sometimes. We've all had to fight through all these situations on our own too (I'm single, I know I do), but these are some of the needs that arise when you're actually with someone. Articulating all this stuff is really helpful/empowering, but also a little nerve-wracking for that reason.

On the other side...maybe there needs to be another thread with slightly different slant for FAs about the reality of navigating this stuff? Or maybe it's good it's all together, part of the same thing, no need. The only reason I mention that is that the vulnerability that seems to show up here for men--to match the women's--is a fear of letting us down, whether intended or not. You can kinda hear it in what people say.

Excuse my overly-psychological wanderings...not really the point or strength of this thread! Which I am very fond of...there are so many good intentions clear in it.


----------



## James

...to get used to dating a SSBBW if you've never dated one before. My current girlfriend is the first girl I've dated who is larger than a mid-sized BBW. I did have some idea it would be a little different, so I tried to plan ahead but still got some stuff wrong. 

ok... it might not sound particularly romantic but before she moved in to my house I did stuff like changing the way doors opened in small rooms to create more space, getting a belt extender for my car, strengthening some of the furniture etc. 

As has been said many times previously, Its important to plan things and consider seating and any other situation where physical space is constrained. Its not always possible to do this though, especially when attending other people's social events. Sometimes you have to think and act on the fly to make sure that seating will be ok... and if it isnt, to take control of a situation and act quickly and discreetly. This is also true when socialising and faced with travel between bars or clubs. Dont assume that walking a distance that seems easy to you will be something a SSBBW will be comfortable doing. Always try to make sure you have a back - up plan (i.e. taxi numbers ) if the walking option isnt favored. Even better, I think, is to talk about it all beforehand so that its known what is expected before the night begins. This is something I fucked up a couple of times with... I definitely learnt the hard way..! :doh:

Aside from the practical considerations are also the emotional ones. The line between being considerate and being condescending can sometimes be a narrow one. I guess that getting this right is essentially as simple as considering your partner as your equal and starting from there... there can still be times where you get it wrong though. 

SSBBWs face the same hardships, prejudices and discrimination that are faced by any other BBWs... except sometimes, the fact that SSBBWs are a less common sight can make that discrimination all the more bitter or self-righteous. Be aware of situations where such discrimination or judgement might be a possibility and be ready to be more supportive and affectionate at those times. Hold her hand or put it on the small of her back so that she knows that you are there with her physically....

man, there's a million other little things but when you are in love, all of them probably come naturally anyway... treat the princess that you love as the princess that she is... thats all I can say really


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## TallFatSue

largenlovely said:


> Though...it can be quite frustrating to see or hear of men who claim to be interested in dating an ssbbw only to find that they know nothing of the realities it entails...it makes a woman question whether or not they truly *are* interested in having a real life relationship, or if they are merely caught up in fantasy.


Then there are the FAs-In-Training. In my case it was kinda funny because my husband had never dated a fat girl before our paths crossed, so he had no idea how to handle a SSBBW. To his credit, he sure learned! In retrospect, it was a romance out of a screwball comedy.


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## JayInBuff

TallFatSue said:


> In retrospect, it was a romance out of a screwball comedy.



I think this would be a great idea. I wonder if it would sell. A FA falls in love/lust after he comes out of the "closet". The guy would try hard but pratfall would ensue around every corner. In the end, the girl gets the guy she loves. Should I start on the screen-play?


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## largenlovely

what a very lovely post  i'd also like to add to this because it made me think of something else...

I'm a very confident strong woman and have always been one to stick up for myself. There are definitely times where my mouth over-rides my ass (believe it or not lol) Though, there have also been times where i just let it go. Sometimes i'm just too tired to deal with an issue. 

Bruce and I went to the movie theater and were on our way back to the car. Some stupid snot nosed teenager ran by and yelled fatty or something like that at me as we were getting in the car. Bruce was very upset, but i was just all whatever about it and blew it off. Y'all can't always be our knights in shining armor. Sometimes it IS just better to let it go. In fact i think most fat girls would rather let it go..i just happen to have an attitude lol



James said:


> Be aware of situations where such discrimination or judgement might be a possibility and be ready to be more supportive and affectionate at those times. Hold her hand or put it on the small of her back so that she knows that you are there with her physically....
> 
> man, there's a million other little things but when you are in love, all of them probably come naturally anyway... treat the princess that you love as the princess that she is... thats all I can say really


----------



## largenlovely

lol that's too cute...as much as i break stuff and clumsy as i am, i am probably right there with ya lol



TallFatSue said:


> In retrospect, it was a romance out of a screwball comedy.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

largenlovely said:


> what a very lovely post  i'd also like to add to this because it made me think of something else...
> 
> I'm a very confident strong woman and have always been one to stick up for myself. There are definitely times where my mouth over-rides my ass (believe it or not lol) Though, there have also been times where i just let it go. Sometimes i'm just too tired to deal with an issue.
> 
> Bruce and I went to the movie theater and were on our way back to the car. Some stupid snot nosed teenager ran by and yelled fatty or something like that at me as we were getting in the car. Bruce was very upset, but i was just all whatever about it and blew it off. Y'all can't always be our knights in shining armor. Sometimes it IS just better to let it go. In fact i think most fat girls would rather let it go..i just happen to have an attitude lol



I had a similar situation with Mike. We were down in Southampton at the mall/shopping centre. We had to nip to the loo first. When I went in there was a group of about 5 giggling teenagers on their way out. I knew they were laughing about me, but what can ya do? I just let it roll off my back. When I came out of the toilet I met a very red faced Mike. He was FUMING. I was like, OMG, you ok?? He said yeah but some girls were saying things.....

In this situation, I ended up comforting him, lol. He meant well, but sometimes he gets more pissed off than I do!


----------



## D_A_Bunny

I know that for me, posting some information on this thread was meant to be a helpful guide to anyone that may be interested in having it. I believe that everyone here has offered many informative and valid points to think about and consider.

I firmly believe that Melissa's purpose in originally posting this was meant to be used as a back and forth guide. Some may have taken exception to the example that she used about the car, but I think she really did mean it in a broader sense (I hope I am not out of bounds here, or that anyone thinks I am speaking for her)

One of the things that I have noticed about reading alot of different threads here on the boards in general is that everyone needs to keep in mind that in fact, we are READING. That means we are not watching and listening for tones, inflections and visible clues about what anyone is saying. Some may say something one way and it is miscontrued to mean something else. This also pertains to dating in general.

In addition to some of the physical items I have mentioned earlier, here are some emotional things that one may want to consider.

1. Excellent points made by the people who stated that they attribute the fact that they are single to their fat, yet the admirer sees them as a "regular" person. So now that you know that, next time, be aware. Meaning, consider yourself a single person looking to meet another single person. Personally when I met my husband, it was obvious that he was interested in me for my size initially. Hey, I had no problem with that, since in the past it had only worked against me, why not let it work for me this time. When we were first talking, I asked him other things to test him that were non-fat related, like, if you were an M&M, what color would you be? You know, just the fact that he actually answered it and didn't think I was a wacko let me know he could handle my silliness.

2. Yes, relationships go both ways. If one has something and it is what is needed, then share. But if you are thinking long term, keep the "structure" of things in mind for future purposes. It will be a good investment.

3. Most grateful people I know, act gratefully. Sometimes, just having the attitude, "this is important for both of us and we are in it together" goes a long way. 

4. Be nice to the FA in training, he/she is learning and wants to know, but has alot of issues too that we may not be aware of. They want to please their date and maintain their own identities at the same time, meaning, they want to be a good FA, but be (insert name here) as a good FA.

5. This item is a two sided coin for sure and is also one of the slippery slopes involved, that is, going out and/or staying in. SSBBWs are NEVER in the closet. They can not act like they are not fat. It is very important if you like someone, male or female, that you NEVER act ashamed of them. So, take them out. On the other hand, while dating there may be times, like Bruce mentioned, when weather, or convenience may dictate that it is better to stay home. Communicate and decide together. And if you stay home, make it special for both of you. Sometimes, making a special date at home is a great way to do something luxurious and comfortable and less anxious.

6. Sometimes we all need to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Some people may know more than someone else about something in particular. Like anything, people learn through kindness and recognition, not negativity.

I am only writing these things as my own opinion. I am not in the dating world, so as far as specifics with that, I can not help. I am however very experienced at being a very large woman and as a Virgo has spent numerous hours analyzing my diehard FA husband.

And since I am rambling, and if anyone has actually read this far, I would like to say to anyone who might have thought in the past that they specifically would NOT be interested in an FA - RECONSIDER! I cannot imagine my life without a man who wants my fat. It is physically the biggest part of my existence and emotionally how I relate to the world. I didn't accept this when I first met him, but he has shown me the beauty in myself and all of the other fat people in the world. So my vote goes to the FAs and FFAs in the house. :wubu::bow::smitten:


----------



## AnnMarie

James said:


> ...Hold her hand or put it on the small of her back so that she knows that you are there with her physically....
> 
> man, there's a million other little things but when you are in love, all of them probably come naturally anyway... treat the princess that you love as the princess that she is... thats all I can say really




This is great - well, it's all great - but this is nice. 

Sometimes it's really that simple. If we're having a hard time, if you can feel the eyes in the room turning towards her, if you know she's tensing up.... hold her hand, put your arm around our back, whisper something in our ear, show us - and ALL of them - that you're with us. You're not just a friend, or our brother or gay cousin who hangs out with us. You're OUR guy... you love us or like us a lot, you find us attractive, and you have no shame in reaching out in a real, tangible way to show we have a connection. 

Sometimes when things are piling up on us in a public situation, that hand that reaches out can be just enough to lift us above it all.


----------



## LillyBBBW

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I had a similar situation with Mike. We were down in Southampton at the mall/shopping centre. We had to nip to the loo first. When I went in there was a group of about 5 giggling teenagers on their way out. I knew they were laughing about me, but what can ya do? I just let it roll off my back. When I came out of the toilet I met a very red faced Mike. He was FUMING. I was like, OMG, you ok?? He said yeah but some girls were saying things.....
> 
> In this situation, I ended up comforting him, lol. He meant well, but sometimes he gets more pissed off than I do!



Since we're telling war stories...  I don't have any valiant FAs backing me up. However there was this one time I had a bunch of nasty nephews doing so. We pulled over at this gas station and they went into the convenient store while I pumped gas. I'm pumping gas and suddenly I hear this screech behind me. I turn around and these two nasty little boys were standing by the door raising their arm and making elephant noises. Dirty little townies. I was just about to turn my head and ignore them when my nephews came out of the store. They grabbed the two little boys, dragged them by the scruff kicking and fighting the whole way to the car and Adam said calmly in his newly deepened voice, "I think you should apologize." I was more freaked out by the voilence than anything but the boys uttered a "sorry" before my nephews chased them off into the woods behind the rest stop. I told the boys to hurry up and get in the car so we could get the hell out of there before somebody calls the cops. They still laugh about that incident.


----------



## gangstadawg

LillyBBBW said:


> Since we're telling war stories...  I don't have any valiant FAs backing me up. However there was this one time I had a bunch of nasty nephews doing so. We pulled over at this gas station and they went into the convenient store while I pumped gas. I'm pumping gas and suddenly I hear this screech behind me. I turn around and these two nasty little boys were standing by the door raising their arm and making elephant noises. Dirty little townies. I was just about to turn my head and ignore them when my nephews came out of the store. They grabbed the two little boys, dragged them by the scruff kicking and fighting the whole way to the car and Adam said calmly in his newly deepened voice, "I think you should apologize." I was more freaked out by the voilence than anything but the boys uttered a "sorry" before my nephews chased them off into the woods behind the rest stop. I told the boys to hurry up and get in the car so we could get the hell out of there before somebody calls the cops. They still laugh about that incident.


sometimes you gotta whoop ass to get respect. usually its supposed to be a last resort.


----------



## ripley

loggamatt said:


> Awww... I love Miranda
> 
> Anyway... for all my posts on this thread, please ignore and instead read what Miranda just said about it being a game of two halves (which is a football/'soccer' expression... does that translate for you Americans? lol) as she's put it way better than I have!



I think everyone understands that it's "two halves"....what we're saying is "here is what you need to think about for your half."

If you're dating a ssbbw and she doesn't fit in your car or feel comfortable in your home...you (universal you) must realize how almost hostile that feels. Yeah, we can drive my car every time...yeah, we can always go to my place...but are you a spectator in this or are you on the team?

I can take care of myself, always have. But if you're just along for the ride? Pfft, I have enough to do without dating someone who makes me field everything. I don't expect you to meet me and immediately buy a bigger car and new furniture. I expect you, if you want to date really fat girls, to have thought about this beforehand. 

Especially after reading this thread.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

largenlovely said:


> Bruce and I went to the movie theater and were on our way back to the car. Some stupid snot nosed teenager ran by and yelled fatty or something like that at me as we were getting in the car. Bruce was very upset, but i was just all whatever about it and blew it off. Y'all can't always be our knights in shining armor. Sometimes it IS just better to let it go.



But then we have to carry this memory in our minds when we easily could have done something. I remember the whole event...the kid yelled out something in Spanish as he ran by, looking at us and laughing. He ran back to his friend like a little coward, and to this day, I would love for the chance to silence him and send him back south of the border in a pine box. Little punks like that deserve what comes to them, and by brushing it off and NOT acting, it will only enable him to do it again...only he'll do it to a woman who DOESN'T have a man that can choke him out in one of four different ways.


----------



## ripley

Are you Wayne Brady??


----------



## UncannyBruceman

James said:


> man, there's a million other little things but when you are in love, all of them probably come naturally anyway... treat the princess that you love as the princess that she is... thats all I can say really



I prefer "queen sized love for a queen sized girl", but you more or less captured what most of us men are trying to say. There's an adjustment period that needs to be made. I still need to make adjustments at times, but I pretty much have all grounds covered when Melissa and I are together. Keep loving yours the way you do, and you won't even realize how easy it gets to look out for her.

As for shielding your lady from hateful comments, well, your tactics go along with what size acceptance REALLY is to me...it's not about going to events or making TV appearances to preach any words. To me, it's about SHOWING the world that fat girls and their admirers have some hope in the world (but more importantly, for each other). For example, Melissa and I are equally affectionate in public as we are in private. Closeted FA's and/or shy fat girls will look at us and think "this is what I want for myself", and it empowers them to be more confident and more open. As for naysayers, they will look at us, and for some, the question turns from "what's he doing with her" to "why isn't MY guy like that". Whenever we see a woman smile at us or give us that encouraging glance, we know we've changed the way she looks at fat girls and their boyfriends.

Despite the tasks us FA's have before us, we still consider ourselves blessed. And to be honest? I'm not bothered if I can't go to a vacation spot simply because it isn't fat friendly. I know I can't take Melissa to Six Flags or have her walk around all day at the Renaissance Fair. Granted, I'd love to share these things with her if we found a way to make it easy, but giving those things up amount to a small sacrifice when I consider how long I've been yearning to have Melissa at my side. Despite the sacrifices, I feel blessed.


----------



## largenlovely

and MY job as HIS fat girlfriend??...keeping him calm ...it's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it hehe

and i understand your point honey, but sometimes i'm just too tired to deal with it and would rather we just let it be. If that kid acted that way to us he's probably doing that to many other different people (not just fat people) and will eventually get the ass whipping he deserves  



UncannyBruceman said:


> He ran back to his friend like a little coward, and to this day, I would love for the chance to silence him and send him back south of the border in a pine box. Little punks like that deserve what comes to them


----------



## largenlovely

:wubu: i feel blessed as well :smitten:



UncannyBruceman said:


> Despite the tasks us FA's have before us, we still consider ourselves blessed. And to be honest? I'm not bothered if I can't go to a vacation spot simply because it isn't fat friendly. I know I can't take Melissa to Six Flags or have her walk around all day at the Renaissance Fair. Granted, I'd love to share these things with her if we found a way to make it easy, but giving those things up amount to a small sacrifice when I consider how long I've been yearning to have Melissa at my side. Despite the sacrifices, I feel blessed.


----------



## ekmanifest

I have always been incredibly independent and never really thought about someone I was dating making accommodations for my size. This could be because the last time I was dating I wasn't quite as super-sized as I am now. I have to tell you though - on our third date we decided to go to the movies and walk from his house - it was about 10 blocks. I was a little worried - but I'd been walking way more than that on a treadmill and didn't think it would be an issue. However, my treadmill was in an airconditioned gym and I was in gym clothes. By the time we got to the movie theatre, my back was killing me and I was sweating in a very unfeminine manner. I was also incredibly humiliated by the whole thing. My guy was so wonderful. As soon as the movie was over he ran (and I mean ran  home and got the car and came back to get me. It endeared him to me forever. Now, he drops me off and then goes to park the car. Sometimes we'll walk back to the car depending on how far it is. He is always telling me that I don't have to walk so fast - just take it easy. The way he is about this kind of thing is just really wonderful and endearing. Girls remember that . . . this is particularly a good memory when they are doing something that irritates you


----------



## largenlovely

whatta sweet fella  and that is very true...it would take me 10 pages to write down all the stuff Bruce has done ...and probably things he has just flat out done quietly that i wasn't aware of. It does make it particularly hard to be or stay mad at someone when ya know they've done so many loving things for you. 




ekmanifest said:


> The way he is about this kind of thing is just really wonderful and endearing. Girls remember that . . . this is particularly a good memory when they are doing something that irritates you


----------



## LillyBBBW

UncannyBruceman said:


> But then we have to carry this memory in our minds when we easily could have done something. I remember the whole event...the kid yelled out something in Spanish as he ran by, looking at us and laughing. He ran back to his friend like a little coward, and to this day, I would love for the chance to silence him and send him back south of the border in a pine box. Little punks like that deserve what comes to them, and by brushing it off and NOT acting, it will only enable him to do it again...only he'll do it to a woman who DOESN'T have a man that can choke him out in one of four different ways.



No, she might have five angry nephews instead with the energy to chase him through the woods like a pack of wild dogs. That would stick in his memory for while.


----------



## loggamatt

ripley said:


> I think everyone understands that it's "two halves"....what we're saying is "here is what you need to think about for your half."
> 
> If you're dating a ssbbw and she doesn't fit in your car or feel comfortable in your home...you (universal you) must realize how almost hostile that feels. Yeah, we can drive my car every time...yeah, we can always go to my place...but are you a spectator in this or are you on the team?
> 
> I can take care of myself, always have. But if you're just along for the ride? Pfft, I have enough to do without dating someone who makes me field everything. I don't expect you to meet me and immediately buy a bigger car and new furniture. I expect you, if you want to date really fat girls, to have thought about this beforehand.
> 
> Especially after reading this thread.



And I don't think that I, as a single man, should buy special furniture in anticipation of forming a relationship with a hypothetical SSBBW who I may never meet 

Trying to adapt your life/possessions to accommodate a SSBBW that you are in a relationship with is one thing... and something I would agree with. But you seem to think that I should design my life around someone who, for all I know, doesn't exist?

I really think you're putting the cart before the horse there. As far as I see it, it makes sense to meet the SSBBW before you try to accommodate her... lol. I certainly would hate to have created "SSBBW World" in my living room then never end up meeting the SSBBW who is meant to appreciate it!


----------



## Sicilia_Curves

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell




Amen sista! Thank you for bringing this topic to light! I havent heard anyone put thought into it like that on a forum! You're awesome!


----------



## LillyBBBW

loggamatt said:


> And I don't think that I, as a single man, should buy special furniture in anticipation of forming a relationship with a hypothetical SSBBW who I may never meet
> 
> Trying to adapt your life/possessions to accommodate a SSBBW that you are in a relationship with is one thing... and something I would agree with. But you seem to think that I should design my life around someone who, for all I know, doesn't exist?
> 
> I really think you're putting the cart before the horse there. As far as I see it, it makes sense to meet the SSBBW before you try to accommodate her... lol. I certainly would hate to have created "SSBBW World" in my living room then never end up meeting the SSBBW who is meant to appreciate it!



This thread is not meant for serial daters and wishy washy men who straddle the fence. This is for a guy whose preference is for SSBBW and is interested in a LTR. Go ahead and keep your wicker furniture.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

LillyBBBW said:


> This thread is not meant for serial daters and wishy washy men who straddle the fence. This is for a guy whose preference is for SSBBW and is interested in a LTR. Go ahead and keep your wicker furniture.



AMEN! I could not agree more! This thread is about a man who plans ahead because he knows exactly what he wants in life. Seriously, some guys will never get it...and thus they will remain ssbbw-less.


----------



## Blackjack

loggamatt said:


> And I don't think that I, as a single man, should buy special furniture in anticipation of forming a relationship with a hypothetical SSBBW who I may never meet
> 
> Trying to adapt your life/possessions to accommodate a SSBBW that you are in a relationship with is one thing... and something I would agree with. But you seem to think that I should design my life around someone who, for all I know, doesn't exist?
> 
> I really think you're putting the cart before the horse there. As far as I see it, it makes sense to meet the SSBBW before you try to accommodate her... lol. I certainly would hate to have created "SSBBW World" in my living room then never end up meeting the SSBBW who is meant to appreciate it!



Okay, so feel free to keep your flimsy, tight furniture in your bachelor pad, but don't be surprised if you get a negative reaction if you bring an SSBBW over.


----------



## LillyBBBW

BigBellySSBBW said:


> AMEN! I could not agree more! This thread is about a man who plans ahead because he knows exactly what he wants in life. Seriously, some guys will never get it...and thus they will remain ssbbw-less.



Exactly. I like big dudes therefore I have a kingsized bed, my apartment has high ceilings, my showerhead is up high and my furniture generous. I keep beer in the fridge even though I don't touch the stuff. I don't understand why all this quibbling. What I do, I do as much for me as it is for him - ficticious though he may be. I want the guy to be comfy so he'll be encouraged to come again. Seriously, if you don't care then pass this thread by.


----------



## AnnMarie

I agree and would not want to see this VERY HELPFUL thread derailed with the minutia of who/when/where/why these things may or may not be done. 

These are tips of the trade, if you will, and keeping it positive in focus would be appreciated by those who are here to share and learn. I'm getting a lot of requests to reign things in... people are invested in making this thread very useful, so if we could all work towards that, it would be appreciated. 

Thanks,
/mod


----------



## loggamatt

wow... this thread really is instructive!

So, this SSBBW I should be planning ahead for... is she pear-shaped or apple-shaped? Because I'm thinking that if she's pear-shaped a taller car would be better, you know, as a generous behind can boost a girl in the seat. But on the other hand, if she's an apple, perhaps more space between the seat and the dashboard should be my priority?

This really is complicated... now I'm thinking, for my new furniture, how tall is my future SSBBW to be? Because, I want to get some chairs tall enough that she finds it easier to stand up, but if I get chairs too tall she might find it harder to clamber onto them.

Oh, by the way, does she have any allergies? Perhaps I should just stay away from pet ownership entirely for now...

And what if we want kids in the future? Should I build a nursery now, or do I wait for the pregnancy first?

Blimey... I really never knew that 'real' FAs have to plan so far ahead...


----------



## AnnMarie

Okay, back on topic.... I thought of something else. 

I need to put my foot on something in the shower, usually the tub edge, but if I were at a boyfriends and he didn't have a tub edge or had a stall shower, I'd need something to put my foot on. 

No, he needn't remodel a bathroom... but something as simple as a step stool or something near by that I could easily move within reach to put my foot on... super helpful. 

Yeah, a handheld shower head would be great for some (I can use them or not, makes no difference) but if I can't get my foot up on something, I can't do the complete job I want to do in there. 

Just another little something to think about.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Hm, so, I am TOTALLY keeping this lift chair. I mean, my grandmother got it before she went to the nursing home and only used it a few times. 

It can lift up to like 600lbs. I am totally keeping you chair. 

Of course now I use it to hold my laundry and .. rugs, apparently!, but think .. one of you lucky ladies .. could replace .. the laundry? You know you wanna !


----------



## MissStacie

AM, you just explained how I fly in detail! Always get there early so that you have plenty of time, and while I usually travel alone, this is GREAT for us SSBBW's when we have a partner.

Oh..and an addendum to this: ASK FOR A SKYCAP IF POSSIBLE!! I know I don't want to drag my fat ass across/down/through a big f'ing airport,. so if one of those little carts is available, then call for one! 

I usually tip the driver a $5 and they are happy to see it!

Hugs,




AnnMarie said:


> I'd like to expand on the airport thing, which Keith learned about first hand earlier this year.
> 
> Anything that raises my anxiety level lessens* my ability to handle stress - at all. Airports are an extremely anxious thing for me, even though I consider myself a very well-versed in handling the issues that could come up. I'm a pro-fattie and I know my way around, what to ask for, how to prepare, etc.
> 
> However, the airport is FULL of trouble lurking around every corner, so please be prepared that:
> 
> I want to get there early - really early, annoyingly early because the amount of walking or unexpected obstacles is something that neither you nor I can account for. If it means I have to sit for an hour or more at the gate, then that's how it has to be for me.
> 
> The anxiety once I'm in the airport, but before I'm sitting waiting at the gate, is the height of it. I'm worried about the lines and how long I'll be standing, I'm worried about the minutes that are ticking away stealing precious leisurely walking minutes from me. I'm worried about how far the gate is - "right there" isn't "right there" for me all the time, sometimes it's "all the fuck the way down there"... prepare for sighing.
> 
> I may or may not need to rest... if I'm trucking along, try to just go with it. I will either just keep moving to get where I'm going so I can alleviate the anxiety, or if I drop in a seat somewhere, know that I did it because I have to... I'll only be there a minute or two, but it's necessary.
> 
> If you have to go to the bathroom, or smoke, or browse the bookstore, I would be more at ease and less anxious if that was done when there is no time crunch, once we're at the gate. The gate is where all my focus is. Once I'm there I can breathe again - the walking is over, and I'm going to destress. Everything that gets in my way and takes minutes between the front door and the gate.... all of that is something that raises my stress and makes me worried.
> 
> You might be able to make up time, but I can't... it's just not possible for me to run through the airport. I've put hours of time and thought and worry into how I'm going to get my body to that gate - PLEASE just let me do it.
> 
> Layovers are our WORST nightmare. Please just follow our lead and go, go, go... get to the next gate. You can do whatever you want when we get there - just be there when it's time to board.
> 
> 
> Boarding.... I will pre-board. I'd like you to pre-board with me so that I'm not the only freak, and I clearly have a nice guy with me. We will get on, I will ask for my extender, and we'll go to get settled. I will get the window. Not because I'm a greedy girl, but because the indent at the window allows more room for my fat arms so the aisle people and carts are not smashing into me through the whole trip.
> 
> I need a minute to get situated, to get in the seat, get the seatbelt out from under my ass and get in there. I want this all done before other people are on board, so I'm settled. I'm going to be moving quick to get to "normal" stage. Please just go with the flow as far as requests to "grab this" "can you hand me..." , etc.
> 
> Disembarking - This is a tricky thing, but if you do it right for us, we'll love you forever. I can't stand up in my seat like everyone else does when they're ready to get off. I also can't get up and wait in the aisle... it's too long to stand probably, given how long it can take to get off. This is what I'd love (and love you, honey, for doing it :wubu - please get up when everyone else does and get our overhead stuff out. Move back enough that you're leaving our seat end open, and put one of our bags in front of you to save the space. When the people in front of us finally move up and are getting off, you stay in place and let me get out in front of you. You are acting as my block so I'm not trying to do these crazy plane moves in front of strangers, and you'll be behind me while I bump into every seat on the way off the plane. You're a peach and just made my life a bit easier.
> 
> When we get off the plane, I'm going to have to pee asap - so just follow me and be prepared to bag watch. I probably won't stop at the first one (rookie mistake!), so just keep going until I find the one with no line (see, the other one involves holding pee AND standing.... fatties don't like that).
> 
> If you can manage to put up with us during one of these situations, you're a great guy. It's just one of the most stressful things we go through, and I can't explain how awful it can be (even when it goes off without a hitch)... but if you can just be along with us, there, and understand that we hate it as much as you do ..... you're going to be appreciated more than you can know.
> 
> 
> 
> I know much of this may be AM-specific, but it's probably my most stressed time ever and even one FA reads this and keeps things in mind when traveling with a fatty, then I'm glad I wrote it.


----------



## Scrumptious_voluptuous

I'm afraid I'm still agreeing with Matt and I think it's unfair of everyone to assume he's not equipped for an SSBBW when he's an ample man himself, and IS equipped for an SSBBW. Maybe that vein of the thread is more concentrating with the physical/furniture side, when maybe we should concentrate on the emotional side, such as pointed out in James's post.

Seriously, if I walked into a guys apartment -who I'd only been dating - and found re-inforced furniture etc, I'd be a bit worried, and start freaking out! What exactly is he doing with this stuff? What does he expect of me? And just HOW MANY SSBBWs has he been seeing/is prepared to see to deck his stuff out like this?? Surely the normal 3/2 seater sofas are enough anyway? What exactly do you want him to have?? 

I prefer slightly geeky guys, so should I go out and get an X-box to accomodate them? Or stock a range of spectacles in case theirs breaks? And as for stocking the fridge with a drink I don't want myself (not that there's THAT many) 'just in case' I get a date- HELL NO!

Could it be in our minds? I just bought some fold out plastic seats from Ikea for about 3 quid each. They're mainly for guests as I was petrified of sitting on them, until Dan threatened to smack me over the head with one for being such a knob about it, and I tried it, and it was fine. Maybe, just maybe, we don't need special furniture and fixings for absolutely every part of our life. And to be honest, I'd feel like a right turnip if everytime I went to a friends house they said to me 'Oh no.. you can sit on this massive re-inforced chair _here_' 

I'm sticking to my independance. He's welcome to his place-even if it is stocked with wicker chairs - and I'll have my cat ridden beige little shack. And when we've been going out long enough for us to move in together, THEN we can discuss the furniture. 

And how about flatmates and friends? Do they not figure into this? Me and my flatmate have been sharing the same scratty 2 seater sofa for 3 years now. But I'll go and berate him now for not providing us with a much bigger sofa, and tell all my friends to change to automatics so that when they give me a lift they dont continuously bang into my thigh. 


It's not the furniture that counts really, it's the people themselves and how they are with you. You can tell if someones a cock knocker by the way they act, they're belongings have little to do with it (lets also bare in mind that they may be living in an already furnished house, and have no choice whatsoever on the furnishings they have!) I'd much rather go out with a guy who looks me in the eye when I'm talking and owns papier mache furniture, than someone who's constantly looking around a restaurant, trying to see if anyone's staring at us.

I'm trying to keep this on topic because if a guy _hasn't_ got everything pointed out in this thread, then please don't start thinking it means he doesn't love you! He's probably just got a tight landlord...


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Scrumptious_voluptuous said:


> I'm afraid I'm still agreeing with Matt and I think it's unfair of everyone to assume he's not equipped for an SSBBW when he's an ample man himself, and IS equipped for an SSBBW. Maybe that vein of the thread is more concentrating with the physical/furniture side, when maybe we should concentrate on the emotional side, such as pointed out in James's post.
> 
> Seriously, if I walked into a guys apartment -who I'd only been dating - and found re-inforced furniture etc, I'd be a bit worried, and start freaking out! What exactly is he doing with this stuff? What does he expect of me? And just HOW MANY SSBBWs has he been seeing/is prepared to see to deck his stuff out like this?? Surely the normal 3/2 seater sofas are enough anyway? What exactly do you want him to have??
> 
> I prefer slightly geeky guys, so should I go out and get an X-box to accomodate them? Or stock a range of spectacles in case theirs breaks? And as for stocking the fridge with a drink I don't want myself (not that there's THAT many) 'just in case' I get a date- HELL NO!
> 
> Could it be in our minds? I just bought some fold out plastic seats from Ikea for about 3 quid each. They're mainly for guests as I was petrified of sitting on them, until Dan threatened to smack me over the head with one for being such a knob about it, and I tried it, and it was fine. Maybe, just maybe, we don't need special furniture and fixings for absolutely every part of our life. And to be honest, I'd feel like a right turnip if everytime I went to a friends house they said to me 'Oh no.. you can sit on this massive re-inforced chair _here_'
> 
> I'm sticking to my independance. He's welcome to his place-even if it is stocked with wicker chairs - and I'll have my cat ridden beige little shack. And when we've been going out long enough for us to move in together, THEN we can discuss the furniture.
> 
> And how about flatmates and friends? Do they not figure into this? Me and my flatmate have been sharing the same scratty 2 seater sofa for 3 years now. But I'll go and berate him now for not providing us with a much bigger sofa, and tell all my friends to change to automatics so that when they give me a lift they dont continuously bang into my thigh.
> 
> 
> It's not the furniture that counts really, it's the people themselves and how they are with you. You can tell if someones a cock knocker by the way they act, they're belongings have little to do with it (lets also bare in mind that they may be living in an already furnished house, and have no choice whatsoever on the furnishings they have!) I'd much rather go out with a guy who looks me in the eye when I'm talking and owns papier mache furniture, than someone who's constantly looking around a restaurant, trying to see if anyone's staring at us.
> 
> I'm trying to keep this on topic because if a guy _hasn't_ got everything pointed out in this thread, then please don't start thinking it means he doesn't love you! He's probably just got a tight landlord...



Im sorry Miranda, but you and Matt are missing the point of this thread entirely. First of all this thread was started by a ssbbw who is closer to my size than she is your size...and will you agree that you and I have different needs? If a guys wants to date someone my size, those needs cannot be ignored. I'm not saying a guy has to have everything perfectly fat friendly in his life, but to know he has taken some consideration is nice. There are some places my body just cannot physically fit and there are just some things my body cannot physically do. If a guy wants someone my size, he has to be ready for it, plain and simple...and yes, a girl like me does cost money.

Smaller ssbbws and bbws will not understand our concerns because they don't live them everyday. This thread was very helpful, even if just to us who were venting before Matt came here and started arguing otherwise. We have needs and we are being told off for discussing the needs that we have.

It's hard to explain properly if you don't have the same needs. We are just trying to educate FA's to what large ssbbws want and need. If the FA doesn't want the information he can turn a blind eye, but to come here and criticize us for it....is not cool.


----------



## largenlovely

yes, this thread is obviously not for some people and i would kindly ask that you stop ruining it  A large majority of us understand exactly what this thread is about. I feel that a lot of good points have been made and that y'all are trying to debate issues that were really not even intended in these posts, which we have tried to explain numerous times.


----------



## largenlovely

hahahhaa you really know how to woo a gal



BothGunsBlazing said:


> Hm, so, I am TOTALLY keeping this lift chair. I mean, my grandmother got it before she went to the nursing home and only used it a few times.
> 
> It can lift up to like 600lbs. I am totally keeping you chair.
> 
> Of course now I use it to hold my laundry and .. rugs, apparently!, but think .. one of you lucky ladies .. could replace .. the laundry? You know you wanna !


----------



## largenlovely

oh yeah i'm definitely a hand held shower head kinda gal. and those little thingies in the bottom of the tub to keep me from slipping. I'm scared to death when i'm standing in the shower lol



AnnMarie said:


> Yeah, a handheld shower head would be great for some


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

largenlovely said:


> oh yeah i'm definitely a hand held shower head kinda gal. and those little thingies in the bottom of the tub to keep me from slipping. I'm scared to death when i'm standing in the shower lol




That's one of the very first things I had Mike buy when I got over here. I always slip in the tub so I was using 2 washrags...one for each foot, lol. Much prefer the rubber thingys.


----------



## largenlovely

hahaha i'd not thought to use two washcloths like that. In my last place i got these cute little blue fishies and lined the tub with them. i felt like i was playing twister at times lol, but it worked



BigBellySSBBW said:


> That's one of the very first things I had Mike buy when I got over here. I always slip in the tub so I was using 2 washrags...one for each foot, lol. Much prefer the rubber thingys.


----------



## Scrumptious_voluptuous

I'm getting the point, I really am, but I think it's unfair for anyone to ask another person to refit their home in the _hopes_ of dating someone. Thats like saying you can't come to my house because my furniture isn't re-inforced, or because I was living on the second floor of a building. 

As for ruining the thread, I think that was done a long time ago when people started putting pressure on guys to have things prepared for an SSBBW just in the hopes they _might _start dating one. WHEN they're dating one is fine- but what Matt and I are trying to point out is that us girls are all very different, and indeed - you and I have different needs and yet we'd both be classed as an SSBBW in most cases. So it would make sense for the hyperthetical guy in question to choose his SSBBW first, get to know her own needs, and _then_ provide. 

I am totally and utterly behind having a thread sharing tips and telling of the things it is nice to have in preparation, I just don't think it's fair to berate someone because they can't/have not provided _before they meet someone or whilst they're still in the dating stage_, and start accusing them of not being deserving of a relationship because they have the wrong car etc. I'm not critisizing the thread, just peoples response to someone saying they can't comply with a lot of these things because it's just not feasable (sp!!) for them at this point. Then all of a sudden, they're not FAs and have a house of the devils spawn - wicker!

I think it sends out a negative message to FAs who are trying to come out more. i.e - don't even try it buster, unless you have this, this and this...




BigBellySSBBW said:


> Im sorry Miranda, but you and Matt are missing the point of this thread entirely. First of all this thread was started by a ssbbw who is closer to my size than she is your size...and will you agree that you and I have different needs? If a guys wants to date someone my size, those needs cannot be ignored. I'm not saying a guy has to have everything perfectly fat friendly in his life, but to know he has taken some consideration is nice. There are some places my body just cannot physically fit and there are just some things my body cannot physically do. If a guy wants someone my size, he has to be ready for it, plain and simple...and yes, a girl like me does cost money.
> 
> Smaller ssbbws and bbws will not understand our concerns because they don't live them everyday. This thread was very helpful, even if just to us who were venting before Matt came here and started arguing otherwise. We have needs and we are being told off for discussing the needs that we have.
> 
> It's hard to explain properly if you don't have the same needs. We are just trying to educate FA's to what large ssbbws want and need. If the FA doesn't want the information he can turn a blind eye, but to come here and criticize us for it....is not cool.


----------



## ripley

loggamatt said:


> And I don't think that I, as a single man, should buy special furniture in anticipation of forming a relationship with a hypothetical SSBBW who I may never meet
> 
> Trying to adapt your life/possessions to accommodate a SSBBW that you are in a relationship with is one thing... and something I would agree with. But you seem to think that I should design my life around someone who, for all I know, doesn't exist?
> 
> I really think you're putting the cart before the horse there. As far as I see it, it makes sense to meet the SSBBW before you try to accommodate her... lol. I certainly would hate to have created "SSBBW World" in my living room then never end up meeting the SSBBW who is meant to appreciate it!





Scrumptious_voluptuous said:


> I'm getting the point, I really am, but I think it's unfair for anyone to ask another person to refit their home in the _hopes_ of dating someone. Thats like saying you can't come to my house because my furniture isn't re-inforced, or because I was living on the second floor of a building.
> 
> As for ruining the thread, I think that was done a long time ago when people started putting pressure on guys to have things prepared for an SSBBW just in the hopes they _might _start dating one. WHEN they're dating one is fine- but what Matt and I are trying to point out is that us girls are all very different, and indeed - you and I have different needs and yet we'd both be classed as an SSBBW in most cases. So it would make sense for the hyperthetical guy in question to choose his SSBBW first, get to know her own needs, and _then_ provide.
> 
> I am totally and utterly behind having a thread sharing tips and telling of the things it is nice to have in preparation, I just don't think it's fair to berate someone because they can't/have not provided _before they meet someone or whilst they're still in the dating stage_, and start accusing them of not being deserving of a relationship because they have the wrong car etc. I'm not critisizing the thread, just peoples response to someone saying they can't comply with a lot of these things because it's just not feasable (sp!!) for them at this point. Then all of a sudden, they're not FAs and have a house of the devils spawn - wicker!
> 
> I think it sends out a negative message to FAs who are trying to come out more. i.e - don't even try it buster, unless you have this, this and this...





Oh for pete's sake!


NO ONE said he needs to redo his entire life to prepare for dating a ssbbw. 

If you are okay with doing everything at her place, and she is too, more power to the both of you!! But if you're not, then when you buy a new or used car it might pay to think about how she's gonna fit. NOT a requirement, just something you might want to consider. If you decide not to, that's great, wonderful, etc....but realize what choice you're making. If you want her to sleep over, think about getting a hand-held shower head. It's about $12 at Walmart, we're not talking the Hope Diamond here. 

It's not about what WE want...it's about what HE wants, and if he wants us with him, riding in his car, at night, whatever....here are the things he might consider. We demand nothing; we only want to help guys who maybe haven't thought of some of the REALITIES OF DATING A SSBBW.





Now, let's get back on track!  All these things we've talked about, that help us through life...I'm worried that it's too much for a guy, and that he might date a thinner woman just to avoid them. So my question for guys is...is it worth it?


----------



## AnnMarie

largenlovely said:


> oh yeah i'm definitely a hand held shower head kinda gal. and those little thingies in the bottom of the tub to keep me from slipping. I'm scared to death when i'm standing in the shower lol



OH hell yes, there has to be a tub mat or I'm just scared to death... soap, water, and porcelain or plastic??? nnooooo thank you. 

Yeah, the rags in the tub is a quick fix in a hotel bathroom if there's no mat down in the tub... It's not the same as a mat, but it certainly helps a little bit in a pinch.


----------



## butch

ripley said:


> Oh for pete's sake!
> 
> 
> NO ONE said he needs to redo his entire life to prepare for dating a ssbbw.
> 
> If you are okay with doing everything at her place, and she is too, more power to the both of you!! But if you're not, then when you buy a new or used car it might pay to think about how she's gonna fit. NOT a requirement, just something you might want to consider. If you decide not to, that's great, wonderful, etc....but realize what choice you're making. If you want her to sleep over, think about getting a hand-held shower head. It's about $12 at Walmart, we're not talking the Hope Diamond here.
> 
> It's not about what WE want...it's about what HE wants, and if he wants us with him, riding in his car, at night, whatever....here are the things he might consider. We demand nothing; we only want to help guys who maybe haven't thought of some of the REALITIES OF DATING A SSBBW.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Now, let's get back on track!  All these things we've talked about, that help us through life...I'm worried that it's too much for a guy, and that he might date a thinner woman just to avoid them. So my question for guys is...is it worth it?



I have to say, honestly, that I'm a little intimidated by all the foresight that might be required of me should I date someone larger than myself, and I'm no mid-sized BBW. I would never want to avoid dating someone because of this, but it does make me wonder if I'll measure up myself if I, like a thin F(F)A, might sometimes assume another fat person is able to do the things I can, or can be accomodated the way I accomodate myself in unfamilar surroundings.

Not a criticism, not an objection to the thread or the topics in the thread, just an honest answer to your question, ripley. I'd like to think, no matter what, that I'd be able to "make it work" with my fat date no matter what obstacle was thrown in our way.


----------



## ripley

AnnMarie said:


> OH hell yes, there has to be a tub mat or I'm just scared to death... soap, water, and porcelain or plastic??? nnooooo thank you.
> 
> Yeah, the rags in the tub is a quick fix in a hotel bathroom if there's no mat down in the tub... It's not the same as a mat, but it certainly helps a little bit in a pinch.



I fell in a motel bathroom...and landed sitting on the tub edge, lol. It was magic or the hand of God or something because I could really have gotten hurt. 





And Butchie, that's the only thing _required_...the willingness to face whatever comes with good graces.


----------



## Isa

Scrumptious_voluptuous said:


> I'm getting the point, I really am, but I think it's unfair for anyone to ask another person to refit their home in the *hopes* of dating someone. Thats like saying you can't come to my house because my furniture isn't re-inforced, or because I was living on the second floor of a building.
> 
> As for ruining the thread, I think that was done a long time ago when people started putting pressure on guys to have things prepared for an SSBBW just in the hopes they *might* start dating one. WHEN they're dating one is fine- but what Matt and I are trying to point out is that us girls are all very different, and indeed - you and I have different needs and yet we'd both be classed as an SSBBW in most cases. So it would make sense for the hyperthetical guy in question to choose his SSBBW first, get to know her own needs, and _then_ provide..........



Words like 'hopes' or 'might' really explain why you and Matt are having issue with this thread. Unless I am mistaken, this thread is for guys that _will_ date or become seriously involved with a SSBBW not might. Big difference between the two.


----------



## Ample Pie

My point of view isn't that anyone needs to have all of these things in preparation, but that they should understand that such things might be needed and not be too surprised or put off by the need. Super fatties have special requirements, abilities, and limitations. It's better to know that ahead of time.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Rebecca said:


> My point of view isn't that anyone needs to have all of these things in preparation, but that they should understand that such things might be needed and not be too surprised or put off by the need. Super fatties have special requirements, abilities, and limitations. It's better to know that ahead of time.



It's called common sense, right? I mean, seriously? Should we really be patting ourselves on the back for this shit? 

I agree with a lot of what has been said in this thread, but it's ridiculous that it is needed at all.

I took this the other day. Now I have a use for it.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

BothGunsBlazing said:


> It's called common sense, right? I mean, seriously? Should we really be patting ourselves on the back for this shit?



No but not everyone "gets it", Guns. Supersized girls have limitations and special needs like any girl who's blind, deaf, or otherwise disabled. But most of us men don't see this, mainly because we don't associate fat with handicapped; we associate it with beauty...and it could be shocking to any FA to have to make these adjustments if he's used to dating women under 300lbs. Our women are perfect with imperfections, and not all FA's have it in them to adapt. Like I said earlier, some of them just want to dip their wicks.


----------



## largenlovely

it's handi-capable thank you very much  lol

and ya know, i wouldn't have totally understood it either as a smaller bbw even. I was always able to get around and do things that needed to be done. It wasn't until the last couple years that i totally started realizing that life is completely different as a large sized SSBBW.So i imagine the men are quiet unaware of a lot of these things. Which is why we really needed this thread



UncannyBruceman said:


> No but not everyone "gets it", Guns. Supersized girls have limitations


----------



## BigCutieAriel

I do that all the time i confront rude people they never can respond or they will say sorry or i wasn't talking about you and im like yeah right i heard you i never back down but all the shit talkers seem to run off when confronted




largenlovely said:


> omg that is horrific!!! I am pretty sure i would've winded up in jail or in the hospital lol
> 
> I do my very best to remain ladylike and handle things in a proper manner, but once someone does something like that the gloves come off. I would've had to go psycho/hillbilly on someone lol
> 
> I was coming out of a gas station and there was a van full of biker looking dudes (complete with tattooes,head scarves and sleeveless shirts). One of them said something and i walked right over and chastised every one of them and told them how ashamed of themselves they should be. I don't know if they were just so shocked that i did it, or if they actually felt remorse, but nobody said anything and i saw a few hung heads lol


----------



## largenlovely

absolutely..a lot of people like that are scared of confrontation. Especially when a 400+ pound woman is looking at them in a threatening manner hahahaha

But, i said this in another forum..we teach people how they treat us. It teaches people that fat people WILL stand up for themselves and that maybe they should take a little more care in what they say..which is why i totally understand where Bruce was coming from earlier. but there are just some times i don't feel like dealing with it.




BigCutieAriel said:


> I do that all the time i confront rude people they never can respond or they will say sorry or i wasn't talking about you and im like yeah right i heard you i never back down but all the shit talkers seem to run off when confronted


----------



## largenlovely

It's not so much something that will be required of everyone, but it's definitely things to think about that might come up when dating a very large woman. I imagine it is a bit intimidating when it's all thrown together in one thread ...instead of looking at as a woman you've fallen in love with. Then it will be totally different and ya just take things as they come and work together to make life easy for both of y'all 



butch said:


> I have to say, honestly, that I'm a little intimidated by all the foresight that might be required of me should I date someone larger than myself, and I'm no mid-sized BBW.


----------



## ripley

I agree that it's needed. Almost every SS woman I know has a story about how men were not willing or not prepared to deal with our realities. Whether he walks 20 feet ahead of us and growls 'cause we're slow or gets grossed out because we've got skin discoloration or pissed that we can't fit in his car and have to take the bus...or or or or....


----------



## UncannyBruceman

largenlovely said:


> it's handi-capable thank you very much  lol
> 
> and ya know, i wouldn't have totally understood it either as a smaller bbw even. I was always able to get around and do things that needed to be done. It wasn't until the last couple years that i totally started realizing that life is completely different as a large sized SSBBW.So i imagine the men are quiet unaware of a lot of these things. Which is why we really needed this thread



Actually, it's hottie-capable. But again, us men don't associate fat with impairments or debilitations, which is why some of you need to be a little patient with those who are learning as they go. We don't know what it's like to be so large. We see you as goddesses; far from handicapped. Some guys need a little time to see and understand that you goddesses need goddess treatment, and it can be frustrating for the less-experienced.

I was ready for you and you were ready for me, but not all girls will be so fortunate and not all guys will be so learned, so hopefully we all have opened some eyes and taught some lessons.


----------



## Ample Pie

ripley said:


> I agree that it's needed. Almost every SS woman I know has a story about how men were not willing or not prepared to deal with our realities. Whether he walks 20 feet ahead of us and growls 'cause we're slow or gets grossed out because we've got skin discoloration or pissed that we can't fit in his car and have to take the bus...or or or or....



Yes, this is stuff I've seen or heard about too. And it's these reasons that I think a non-judgmental, heads up of a thread could be nice. I'm not about putting down the guys for what they have or don't have, it's just nice (and way less stressful) when they're aware of how things are different. That's all.


----------



## largenlovely

yes and as has already been mentioned..not all of these things apply to each and every girl, but even just reading or thinking about these issues will be helpful. I mean, that way if it does arise, they will maybe remember reading it on this thread and recognize it in their own relationship and be more prepared on how to deal with it.



Rebecca said:


> Yes, this is stuff I've seen or heard about too. And it's these reasons that I think a non-judgmental, heads up of a thread could be nice. I'm not about putting down the guys for what they have or don't have, it's just nice (and way less stressful) when they're aware of how things are different. That's all.


----------



## bigsexy920

The whole thing is really about being considerate to the person you love, admire and care about is having their needs met. 

You can do it or not do it. You could care or not care. 

I do know that there are many men in many womens lives that bend over backwards to get their woman what ever they need. Im not talking about SSBBW's either - just in general. 

I dont expect a man to provide me with EVERYTHING i need Ive been self sufficiant for years. I fit in my house my car, my tub and my toliet. I do have stairs that I wish i didnt but Its not the end of the world. 

I make sure things are going to work out for me. I will try to call ahead when it comes to seating, or ask about seats when I get there. I dont NEED a guy to do it. I do it daily for myself. It would just be nice sometimes to not have to worry about it and maybe someone else that claims love - or like to handle it. 

Anyway - Just my 2 cents.


----------



## LillyBBBW

loggamatt said:


> lol... again, I'm sorry for the way that my posts have somehow 'come across'. But as you yourself have said that I didn't say that, and I have consistently stated that I don't hold that view, I'm still at a bit of a loss to explain how this has happened.



That I can't answer Matt. Being a SSBBW entails issues that we are very _very_ sensitive about and very defensive about. Saying anything amiss is like tickling a tiger in the butt with a feather. I'm sure whatever infamy you enjoy did much to help things along, though I had no knowledge of it at all and even my nostrils flared.


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye

You're all making the tiger cry. See that? Now let's move on :happy: Poor little guy.


----------



## mszwebs

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I'm soooo sorry that the reality that IS MY LIFE is off putting to you.




That was me stating that in MY life, *I* would be slightly weirded out. Why? Because I don't know any FA's in real life, except the ones that I have met through here. It woudl not occour to me that someone WOULD think of those things. and THAT is why it would weird me out. Donni, please do not put words into my mouth.

_My_ life has quite a few realities, thank you very much.

Please so not turn it into something else.

No, no no. This is NOT one fat woman against another here.


----------



## LillyBBBW

ShakenBakeSharleen said:


> shhh... tiger crying.



I thought that tiger was yawning. I don't blame him. What a snoozer this thing is turning out to be.


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye

uh oh. There he goes again. I think he is crying because he finds this all so unproductive


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

ShakenBakeSharleen said:


> uh oh. There he goes again. I think he is crying because he finds this all so unproductive



lol, lil tiger looks terrified!


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye




----------



## LillyBBBW

ShakenBakeSharleen said:


>



Ok, who took my feather?


----------



## SocialbFly

Can we get back on topic???

I am dating a new guy, and i gotta tell ya, the thought of having to educate him on all of this crap (cause there are differences to dating a SSBBW!!!), just well, is intimidating...

so,let's get back on topic?? Others have asked, i thought i would throw my two cents in too...

all i can think of is i hope when i go to his house, that he has strong furniture, i dont want to be the one who is known as the one who broke this or that...


----------



## LillyBBBW

mszwebs said:


> Actually, what I said was off putting was the thought that someone would actually THINK of those needs...not that the needs themselves were off putting. TO ME, IN *MY *LIFE - because as I said in the above post, I have NEVER encountered that before.
> 
> Those two ideas are in no way one and the same.
> 
> I do see how they may have been misinterpreted, and for that I appologize.
> 
> Like I said. We're on the same side here, ok



I just want to say that I'm 41 years old. Go me! Just met a guy, he's 37 I think? If he had reinforced furniture and all that stuff it would not worry me just because it seems unrealistic to expect that a 37 year old man has never dated a fat girl before IF that is his prefference. "How many people have you dated before?" seems one of those questions that at this point I don't really want to know. Just me talking. I'm just saying that if you're dating an older guy you may want to consider that he's had expereinces already that prompted him to consider certain precautions like carrying condoms, have a king sized bed, etc.


----------



## SocialbFly

LillyBBBW said:


> I just want to say that I'm 41 years old. Go me! Just met a guy, he's 37 I think? If he had reinforced furniture and all that stuff it would not worry me just because it seems unrealistic to expect that a 37 year old man has never dated a fat girl before IF that is his prefference. "How many people have you dated before?" seems one of those questions that at this point I don't really want to know. Just me talking. I'm just saying that if you're dating an older guy you may want to consider that he's had expereinces already that prompted him to consider certain precautions like carrying condoms, have a king sized bed, etc.





OHHHH i need details....gimme the goss?


----------



## LillyBBBW

SocialbFly said:


> Can we get back on topic???
> 
> I am dating a new guy, and i gotta tell ya, the thought of having to educate him on all of this crap (cause there are differences to dating a SSBBW!!!), just well, is intimidating...
> 
> so,let's get back on topic?? Others have asked, i thought i would throw my two cents in too...
> 
> all i can think of is i hope when i go to his house, that he has strong furniture, i dont want to be the one who is known as the one who broke this or that...



The guy I'm seeing knows NOTHING. He's definitley an FA but is unfamiliar with the term and other lingo we here at Dimensions take for granted. He lives in this crappy little room which is fine, we meet at my house. He has dated BBWs before but not supersized. He drives this little car stuffed full of all kinds of junk. He's pretty much done things on his own and has not prepared for ANY woman let alone an SSBBW. Not that he's beastly Misogyny or anything, he's actually very sweet and trying hard to make a good impression. I like being able to hash out this kind of stuff so that when certain subjects do come up it can be handled in a way that is healthy for both of us.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

SocialbFly said:


> Can we get back on topic???
> 
> *I am dating a new guy*, and i gotta tell ya, the thought of having to educate him on all of this crap (cause there are differences to dating a SSBBW!!!), just well, is intimidating...
> 
> so,let's get back on topic?? Others have asked, i thought i would throw my two cents in too...
> 
> all i can think of is i hope when i go to his house, that he has strong furniture, i dont want to be the one who is known as the one who broke this or that...




Yes...let's get back on topic. Post pix o nu man plz kthx


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

largenlovely said:


> it's handi-capable thank you very much  lol
> 
> and ya know, i wouldn't have totally understood it either as a smaller bbw even. I was always able to get around and do things that needed to be done. It wasn't until the last couple years that i totally started realizing that life is completely different as a large sized SSBBW.So i imagine the men are quiet unaware of a lot of these things. Which is why we really needed this thread




I would think they expected you to run off "shame faced" or something- glad to hear you turned the tables and left them that way


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

If anyone would like a ridiculous sounding but totally effective way of cracking an SSBBWs back or wants me to do it. I am totally awesome at it. 

Just sayin'


----------



## Brach311

With the exception of marriage, it really fair for ANY person to expect the other to rearrange their life around them? Man or woman, big or small...is everything in your whole life really supposed to revolve around the person you are dating? If soneone starts dating a really tall guy, say 6'9...when is it ok for him to demand that you get a new car with more leg room, a new house with taller ceilings and doorways, new furniture with extra long leg rests, and of course a new bed. Would you do it? Or would you expect them to be happy with you and not base the future of your relationship on your the size of your house or your car?

Just food for thought, not attacking anyone, *runs and hides from all the angry people about to yell at me*


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Brach311 said:


> With the exception of marriage, it really fair for ANY person to expect the other to rearrange their life around them? Man or woman, big or small...is everything in your whole life really supposed to revolve around the person you are dating? If soneone starts dating a really tall guy, say 6'9...when is it ok for him to demand that you get a new car with more leg room, a new house with taller ceilings and doorways, new furniture with extra long leg rests, and of course a new bed. Would you do it? Or would you expect them to be happy with you and not base the future of your relationship on your the size of your house or your car?
> 
> Just food for thought, not attacking anyone, *runs and hides from all the angry people about to yell at me*



I think take into consideration is the key phrase here.


----------



## Ample Pie

again *sigh* no one's demanding crap, just saying don't be surprised by the different needs, abilities, and limitations. they exist but they don't mean that you're inferior if you haven't planned for each and every inevitability.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Rebecca said:


> again *sigh* no one's demanding crap, just saying don't be surprised by the different needs, abilities, and limitations. they exist but they don't mean that you're inferior if you haven't planned for each and every inevitability.



omg abandon all hope. Seriously this has been stated over and over on every page. There's nothing left to do but ignore the plainting wails and keep the discussion focus.


----------



## candygodiva

Little things like my FA looking ahead where I walk, cause I can't see the ground because of my big belly, and telling me to be careful of my step because of cracks in the pavement... always reaching out for my hand at those times, and before I have to step down somewhere or step up.. making sure anywhere we go there is a place for me to sit down and rest... always checking my comfort level to the point of annoyance sometimes.. making sure the bathroom in our home is totally fatty accessible.. making sure the tub is big enough for me to fit, barely, and there's a step for my foot when I need to rinse in the shower.. making sure to be right there for me when I step out of the tub.. always watching over me, and making sure I'm safe, fat and happy.
These are the things that make me one of the luckiest fat girls in the world. I know my FA is always looking out for me, and making sure I'm safe and comfortable.
I'll be traveling again the middle of next month, and he's losing his mind because it's at these times that he can't watch over me to make sure I don't fall, or get a cramp or something. He's so cute. :wubu:


----------



## LillyBBBW

candygodiva said:


> Little things like my FA looking ahead where I walk, cause I can't see the ground because of my big belly, and telling me to be careful of my step because of cracks in the pavement... always reaching out for my hand at those times, and before I have to step down somewhere or step up.. making sure anywhere we go there is a place for me to sit down and rest... always checking my comfort level to the point of annoyance sometimes.. making sure the bathroom in our home is totally fatty accessible.. making sure the tub is big enough for me to fit, barely, and there's a step for my foot when I need to rinse in the shower.. making sure to be right there for me when I step out of the tub.. always watching over me, and making sure I'm safe, fat and happy.
> These are the things that make me one of the luckiest fat girls in the world. I know my FA is always looking out for me, and making sure I'm safe and comfortable.
> I'll be traveling again the middle of next month, and he's losing his mind because it's at these times that he can't watch over me to make sure I don't fall, or get a cramp or something. He's so cute. :wubu:



Candy you are such a cutie. :wubu: Sometimes there are hardships as an SSBBW that I sorta take for granted if that makes sense? I was out on a date and as we were crossing the street he stepped up on the curb and reached for my hand. I thought that was kinda odd. I chuckled a little and asked him what he was doing and he said he was helping me up on the curb. As first I felt like it was overkill. What are we, clawing our way up Everest or something? I played along 'cause he was cute and took his hand and hefted my way up on the curb. The thing is, my knees DO hurt when I climb the curb but I've gotten so used to it that I don't think about it anymore. His hand did actually help which astonished me in a way. *I* had never really considered I suppose. He must have picked up on this habit from previous experience or something. I started out thinking the gesture kinda condescending but managed to see it in the spirit for which it was intended. I won't storm off in a huff from now on if every FA I meet doesn't think to do this but it was very sweet. YMMV of course. Some chicks might feel put out or condescended to but I thought it was great. Eventually.


----------



## Haunted

I really need to say This Bruce, You fuckin rock. I agree with you 10000000% It almost feels like your pulling quotes and ideas directly out of my head. I hope I can be as happy as you and Mellisa are together. I have some BIG Hopes and dreams on the horizon


----------



## Ample Pie

I had a friend who really likes SSBBWs. Since he got his first vehicles, he's always gone out of his way to pick ones that allow ample room. He also always gets seatbelt extenders. When he moved into his new apartment last year, he called/emailed me a couple of times to ask me about various pieces of furniture he was thinking of getting. I'd give him my SSBBW perspective and then, of course, he'd make his own choices. What he's ended up with is a neato retro set of furnishings that fit him well and also stand up to SSBBWs. No muss, no fuss.


----------



## EpsilonCool

OK, I'm married to a SSBBW so the things I would point out are nothing to do with cars or feeding.

Number one. Do you intend to have kids?

Leaving aside the obvious pregnancy and birth risks looking after kids takes a lot of energy. An SSBBW isn't going to be able to move around as much as a kid or several kids require. You have to bank on being a pretty much hands on Dad.

Your kids are going to get teased about their mum. Shouldn't happen, but it does. How are you going to deal/cope with it?

Number two. Shared interests.
What happens if you are heavily into sport or active pursuits or some kind. You both have to accept that this is probably not part of your life you can share.

Number three. Treats
It is nice to be able to treat your wife occassionally, or as often as finances allow. Nice clothes, jewellry etc. It might be different in the USA but in the UK you can't walk into a shop and buy anything much worth having above a UK Size 22 i.e. BBWs aren't catered for let alone SSBBWs.

It's pretty much flowers and chocolates and thats it.

Number four. Public places.
Someone has already mentioned cinema seats and restaurants. Ditto Ballet/theatre/opera. As for food courts in malls, its awkward enough being sub 200lbs and 6ft 4, let alone the size of a 400lb 5ft 6 woman.

Number five. Baths/Showers
Actually its showers or nothing. You'll pretty much have to put supports under the shower tray/bath.

Number six. Furniture
You've got to sit somewhere. Put a 400lb woman on a cheap couch and you are going to have a worn out couch pretty damn fast. Ditto beds.

It sounds romantic to roll together and it is in the early years where you are having fun prooving that it is not possible to screw each other to death but a good nights sleep becomes more important the older you get. You need a good bed and a big one at that.

Number seven. Sex.
Once an SSBBW is beyond a certain size this becomes a bit of a logistics nightmare (worth persisting with though:smitten. No matter how avante Garde you may be there are certain positions into which an SSBBW doesn't bend.

Depending on your SSBBWs weight distribution there may be a loss of intimate contact i.e if lying on her back she sticks up 3 ft in the air.

Number eight. Accidents, ill health.
Ever thought about having to pick up and carry an injured SSBBW? Mine broke her leg and that wasn't fun. She gained about 60lb while she was in plaster though.

There are a lot of non-fantasy things to think about if you are seriously thinking of a long term relationship with an SSBBW.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Well, I haven't been following this thread too closely so some of this may be redundant? I do want all SSBBW and the men who adore them to feel as understood and at ease as possible. For my own part I can only say it has always been worth it to be with these lovely ladies and no problem or issue is insurmountable with good communication.

First, anything worth having requires some investment. With SSBBW relationships extra time to do many things is a given. Patience is a gift that will be deeply appreciated. Whatever she's doing, wherever you're going do NOT rush her. If she needs time to rest or catch her breath take that time and then some. Always keep an eye out for places to sit, if needed. Use this time to chat or enjoy the scenery; don't let it feel like an interruption. Learn to walk at her pace.

Secondly, be careful of assumptions. What she could do yesterday and this morning may be different from what she can do today or this afternoon. Just like everyone else SSBBW have good days and bad days. Your expectations can be just as uncomfortable as a too tight seat. "Do you feel like...?" and "Does it work for you to...?" Are good questions to keep handy. Likewise be careful of assumptions about what will feel good or be helpful. A foot rub or leg rub that felt great in the morning can be very painful if feet and legs become swollen and tender. Getting those big, pretty legs up as often as possible helps minimize swelling. 

Her body is operating with a major workload. Stress on joints and muscles is significantly multiplied. Injuries and pain can come on very quickly. Be ready and willing to provide whatever consideration is needed. Ice/heat packs, analgesics both topical and oral, massage and of course extra rest should be readily available. Most of all be sure she knows you want to know if/when she's hurting or uncomfortable. "Toughing it out" only makes things worse in the long run. 

A minor point but important if it hasn't been mentioned yet, all new car dealerships stock seat belt extensions in their parts department. They are available for free just for the asking. If they don't have the model in stock that you need ask them to order it. 

There's probably a lot more I could think of from 35 plus years of loving and living with SSBBW but those are some points I hadn't noticed in a quick review of this thread. I think most of the above is applicable to smaller BBW as well? :bow:


----------



## chocolate desire

Lilly first to you I want to say Congrats I hope nothing but happiness and longevity for you and your new guy.
Second I can agree with Mellissa as to the things I used to do when a tad bit smaller seems impossible today.Also just because someone is the same weight as another their needs might be very diffrent because of body shape or medical problems.
I am glad that I have found my perfect match for me at the size I am right now. John is good for making sure the things I cannot do gets done but also helping me with the things I can do so as I dont over exert myself.
One example is after driving 6 hours home after my moms funeral(whom passed 3 days after we met but he still stayed by my side meeting more of my family on our first meeting than I have even seen in years) he took time to unload a car full of things I had left back in Tn when I moved to Ga as well as things that was my moms. He did this in the pouring rain and not once complained yet insisted that I say in the house and grab them as he brought them to the door.
I think it is the small things like that that means the most and what this thread is about, in other words as an FA you see our needs can you cope with them before getting my heart all tied up into you.


----------



## largenlovely

I think i could understand that..i was much smaller when i first entered the community. I also don't know what size you are, because i've learned not to judge from pics lol, but i was much smaller back then. I wouldn't have ever even thought that i'd exerpience half the difficulties that i experience now, and very well may have also been creeped out if someone had prepared for them when *I* wasn't even prepared for them. 

I think what we're trying to get at is...for men who are certain that they eventually want a LTR with a much larger woman. These are good tips concerning issues they may come across while dating one. 



mszwebs said:


> *I* would be slightly weirded out. Why? Because I don't know any FA's in real life, except the ones that I have met through here. It woudl not occour to me that someone WOULD think of those things. and THAT is why it would weird me out.


----------



## largenlovely

yeah i gotta say my perspective is totally different than it was two years ago, especially concerning the things i can and can not do. 

I think there are definitely needs that are different for each individual person, but i would think that there are some ssbbw truths that remain constant..that NO large ssbbw can handle? Yes that's in the form of a question lol.

Would it be safe to say that if dating a larger ssbbw some of these issues will be true in ALL cases? that long walks will be harder, more difficulty fitting in places (or not fitting), discrimination and the like...



chocolate desire said:


> Second I can agree with Mellissa as to the things I used to do when a tad bit smaller seems impossible today.Also just because someone is the same weight as another their needs might be very diffrent because of body shape or medical problems.


----------



## Shosh

chocolate desire said:


> Lilly first to you I want to say Congrats I hope nothing but happiness and longevity for you and your new guy.
> Second I can agree with Mellissa as to the things I used to do when a tad bit smaller seems impossible today.Also just because someone is the same weight as another their needs might be very diffrent because of body shape or medical problems.
> I am glad that I have found my perfect match for me at the size I am right now. John is good for making sure the things I cannot do gets done but also helping me with the things I can do so as I dont over exert myself.
> One example is after driving 6 hours home after my moms funeral(whom passed 3 days after we met but he still stayed by my side meeting more of my family on our first meeting than I have even seen in years) he took time to unload a car full of things I had left back in Tn when I moved to Ga as well as things that was my moms. He did this in the pouring rain and not once complained yet insisted that I say in the house and grab them as he brought them to the door.
> I think it is the small things like that that means the most and what this thread is about, in other words as an FA you see our needs can you cope with them before getting my heart all tied up into you.



You are very blessed to have found such a nice man Renee. He sounds like a real gentleman. I hope that I can find such a nice man like that also.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

One of my most favourtie things that Mike does....is he fakes it with me. Only a very large ssbbw would understand. You know, whilst walking around the mall and you just get so tired that if you take another step you just might die. Well he has learned to take notice when that time is approaching and he will pull me towards a window display so that we can pretend to look at it whilst I catch my breath and let my body stop aching a little bit. After a couple of minutes of browsing whatever it is we are pretending to look at he will ask me if I'm ready to move on and generally he will lean in and kiss me before we get going again.  I love my super FA Oh yeah...and he holds my hand the whole time we are in public. If I could clone him, I'd sell his clones on ebay


----------



## bigsexy920

OMG that is so sweet - he is clearly a great guy. 




BigBellySSBBW said:


> One of my most favourtie things that Mike does....is he fakes it with me. Only a very large ssbbw would understand. You know, whilst walking around the mall and you just get so tired that if you take another step you just might die. Well he has learned to take notice when that time is approaching and he will pull me towards a window display so that we can pretend to look at it whilst I catch my breath and let my body stop aching a little bit. After a couple of minutes of browsing whatever it is we are pretending to look at he will ask me if I'm ready to move on and generally he will lean in and kiss me before we get going again.  I love my super FA Oh yeah...and he holds my hand the whole time we are in public. If I could clone him, I'd sell his clones on ebay


----------



## largenlovely

aaawwwww that IS sweet

You are brave i don't even attempt to walk through the mall. Though my knee is so bad that i've become a total chicken lol. The long hall way from a hotel room to the front entrance is enough to do me in. He'll stop with me of course as well 

Oh there's another one....when booking a hotel room, do whatever ya can to get the room close to the entrance or elevator lol




BigBellySSBBW said:


> One of my most favourtie things that Mike does....is he fakes it with me.......he will pull me towards a window display so that we can pretend to look at it whilst I catch my breath and let my body stop aching a little bit.


----------



## fatchicksrockuk

I thought I'd echo some of Donni's comment regarding our car.

After the possibility of her moving of here arose, we discussed cars. We limited the choice to cars available in both the UK and the USA, of which Honda were an obvious choice.

We talked about which cars Donni had ridden in and found comfortable. I ended up getting a 1994 Honda Accord coupe. We then changed this for a 1999 Honda Accord coupe which was an auto so Donni could drive it also.

Unfortunately, a lowered, bodykitted, 2 door sports car is not practical with a very tall 5 year old to squeeze in the back, so we sold it.

We then got a 1999 Honda Legend / Acura RL. Very nice, very spacious car, but terrible for MPG (250 miles from a large tank!).

We're now looking for a newer car. The process has been thus:

1. Look at interior shots of cars online, check measurements. This rules out some cars.
2. Go to car dealers, subtly look through windows without making a big fuss about it. This again rules out a few more cars.
3. Actually sit in cars, test drive them etc.

This process minimizes the number of times Donni gets dragged round car showrooms! We've now settled on a Peugeot 407 sportswagon, and wil hopefully get one in the next few months.

Here are the cars we've had:


----------



## LillyBBBW

BigBellySSBBW said:


> One of my most favourtie things that Mike does....is he fakes it with me. Only a very large ssbbw would understand. You know, whilst walking around the mall and you just get so tired that if you take another step you just might die. Well he has learned to take notice when that time is approaching and he will pull me towards a window display so that we can pretend to look at it whilst I catch my breath and let my body stop aching a little bit. After a couple of minutes of browsing whatever it is we are pretending to look at he will ask me if I'm ready to move on and generally he will lean in and kiss me before we get going again.  I love my super FA Oh yeah...and he holds my hand the whole time we are in public. If I could clone him, I'd sell his clones on ebay



You know what I *must* have? You know those bench seats they have in the shoe stores with the slanted mirror on the sides so you can try shoes on and see what they look like? I have a fond feelings toward those. When i get tired like you described I must sit down. As you were telling your story I could feel my feet throbbing. lol I duck into Payless and pretend to shop for shoes to kill time and catch my second wind. This is the reason my apartment is full of shoes.  I was thinking of inquiring to see what they do with those benches when they decide to get rid of them and buy new ones. I could use one at my place.

Sorry for the hijack.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Ladies - you lovely SSBBW's with walking difficulties. I have one word for you:

SCOOTER!!

I went 5 years not doing the things I want because I didn't want to deal with being stared at. I was so wrong!!

If you have physical limitations that you can get documented - Large n Lovely you said you have knee issues? Your insurance should pay completely for a scooter. Mine did. Talk to your doctor and inlist them to help you get a scooter.

I'm telling you - it changed my life. And the only thing people say to me is - "Hey, where'd you get that scooter - it's great!" Or they want to buy it from me. LOL

Pride brand has heavy duty scooters!


----------



## chocolate desire

The Mall?? again I say everyone is diffrent because I wont walk thru Walmart let alone think about going to a mall. Kudos to you and Mike Donni.




BigBellySSBBW said:


> One of my most favourtie things that Mike does....is he fakes it with me. Only a very large ssbbw would understand. You know, whilst walking around the mall and you just get so tired that if you take another step you just might die. Well he has learned to take notice when that time is approaching and he will pull me towards a window display so that we can pretend to look at it whilst I catch my breath and let my body stop aching a little bit. After a couple of minutes of browsing whatever it is we are pretending to look at he will ask me if I'm ready to move on and generally he will lean in and kiss me before we get going again.  I love my super FA Oh yeah...and he holds my hand the whole time we are in public. If I could clone him, I'd sell his clones on ebay


----------



## largenlovely

lol another side note...when i was packing to move, i realized that i had 2 full big boxes of shoes. I don't wear these shoes..i don't NEED these shoes. I have no earthly idea why i bought most of these shoes and yet i have them. lol



LillyBBBW said:


> This is the reason my apartment is full of shoes.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

chocolate desire said:


> The Mall?? again I say everyone is diffrent because I wont walk thru Walmart let alone think about going to a mall. Kudos to you and Mike Donni.



I never said I make it through the whole mall, lol. We are talking bout maybe one wing of the mall, and after that I am spent for the whole day.  I might be younger than you and might account for it. However, I have been this size since I was 20 and I could do a lot more then.


----------



## largenlovely

i love love love scooters!!! Me and Bruce have discussed buying one (or renting if we gotta) so we can go do certain things. 

My problem..sadly i don't have insurance  I had it long enough to find out that i ripped my ACL and that the doctor refused to do surgery on me cuz of my size. Though, this is definitely something to think of when i do have insurance next!! Also, we've talked with Heather about this and she said that you can get them on ebay relatively cheap. So we've been looking into that. .. but yessireee bob..i'm all about the scooters hehe




Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Large n Lovely you said you have knee issues? Your insurance should pay completely for a scooter. Mine did. Talk to your doctor and inlist them to help you get a scooter.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Ladies - you lovely SSBBW's with walking difficulties. I have one word for you:
> 
> SCOOTER!!
> 
> I went 5 years not doing the things I want because I didn't want to deal with being stared at. I was so wrong!!
> 
> If you have physical limitations that you can get documented - Large n Lovely you said you have knee issues? Your insurance should pay completely for a scooter. Mine did. Talk to your doctor and inlist them to help you get a scooter.
> 
> I'm telling you - it changed my life. And the only thing people say to me is - "Hey, where'd you get that scooter - it's great!" Or they want to buy it from me. LOL
> 
> Pride brand has heavy duty scooters!



Scooters aren't as popular here in the UK. I can't even find a scale with a high enough limit to weigh me....I had to have one imported to the UK. Importing a scooter is beyond my means....though I dream of having it easy like that. Being in the UK has pushed me beyond my mobility limits and I'm a bit fitter because of it....though I hate it...not the being fit part, lol...the being pushed beyond my limits.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

I'm happy to hear that! You will love it and if you get a 4 wheel (which I have) instead of a 3 wheel doing things outdoors is a snap! I can't tell you the mud, tall grass and dirt bumpy roads I have gotten through out here in TX at ren fairs especially Paul Delacroix's faire!

I highly recommend them and ebay is a good place to look. 




largenlovely said:


> i love love love scooters!!! Me and Bruce have discussed buying one (or renting if we gotta) so we can go do certain things.
> 
> My problem..sadly i don't have insurance  I had it long enough to find out that i ripped my ACL and that the doctor refused to do surgery on me cuz of my size. Though, this is definitely something to think of when i do have insurance next!! Also, we've talked with Heather about this and she said that you can get them on ebay relatively cheap. So we've been looking into that. .. but yessireee bob..i'm all about the scooters hehe


----------



## mossystate

BigBellySSBBW said:


> One of my most favourtie things that Mike does....is he fakes it with me. Only a very large ssbbw would understand. You know, whilst walking around the mall and you just get so tired that if you take another step you just might die. Well he has learned to take notice when that time is approaching and he will pull me towards a window display so that we can pretend to look at it whilst I catch my breath and let my body stop aching a little bit. After a couple of minutes of browsing whatever it is we are pretending to look at he will ask me if I'm ready to move on and generally he will lean in and kiss me before we get going again.  I love my super FA Oh yeah...and he holds my hand the whole time we are in public. If I could clone him, I'd sell his clones on ebay



Not thinking that anybody or any relationship is perfect..those are things of myth...heh..but, I liked reading this....just seems like Mike is a guy who tunes in and deals in a classy and calm manner....that is, indeed, a rare..ish..thing...and so refreshing to read..thanks!..and..yes....clone..clone...clone away!


----------



## largenlovely

wow how did i miss this post...good stuff. 

Bruce and I decided individually that children were not an option. So it worked out well when we became a couple. But yes those were things i had thought about...No energy, the effects on my body and such

I haven't overly thought of the ill health factor. I mean, good lord he would be in trouble trying to pick me up!!! So that's a new one for ME to even think about. I guess since it's not really happened .....just hadn't crossed my mind. During all my previous injuries i've managed to stay upright lol..thankfully.



EpsilonCool said:


> OK, I'm married to a SSBBW so the things I would point out are nothing to do with cars or feeding.
> 
> Number one. Do you intend to have kids?
> 
> Leaving aside the obvious pregnancy and birth risks looking after kids takes a lot of energy. An SSBBW isn't going to be able to move around as much as a kid or several kids require. You have to bank on being a pretty much hands on Dad.
> 
> Your kids are going to get teased about their mum. Shouldn't happen, but it does. How are you going to deal/cope with it?
> 
> Number two. Shared interests.
> What happens if you are heavily into sport or active pursuits or some kind. You both have to accept that this is probably not part of your life you can share.
> 
> Number three. Treats
> It is nice to be able to treat your wife occassionally, or as often as finances allow. Nice clothes, jewellry etc. It might be different in the USA but in the UK you can't walk into a shop and buy anything much worth having above a UK Size 22 i.e. BBWs aren't catered for let alone SSBBWs.
> 
> It's pretty much flowers and chocolates and thats it.
> 
> Number four. Public places.
> Someone has already mentioned cinema seats and restaurants. Ditto Ballet/theatre/opera. As for food courts in malls, its awkward enough being sub 200lbs and 6ft 4, let alone the size of a 400lb 5ft 6 woman.
> 
> Number five. Baths/Showers
> Actually its showers or nothing. You'll pretty much have to put supports under the shower tray/bath.
> 
> Number six. Furniture
> You've got to sit somewhere. Put a 400lb woman on a cheap couch and you are going to have a worn out couch pretty damn fast. Ditto beds.
> 
> It sounds romantic to roll together and it is in the early years where you are having fun prooving that it is not possible to screw each other to death but a good nights sleep becomes more important the older you get. You need a good bed and a big one at that.
> 
> Number seven. Sex.
> Once an SSBBW is beyond a certain size this becomes a bit of a logistics nightmare (worth persisting with though:smitten. No matter how avante Garde you may be there are certain positions into which an SSBBW doesn't bend.
> 
> Depending on your SSBBWs weight distribution there may be a loss of intimate contact i.e if lying on her back she sticks up 3 ft in the air.
> 
> Number eight. Accidents, ill health.
> Ever thought about having to pick up and carry an injured SSBBW? Mine broke her leg and that wasn't fun. She gained about 60lb while she was in plaster though.
> 
> There are a lot of non-fantasy things to think about if you are seriously thinking of a long term relationship with an SSBBW.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

Haunted said:


> I really need to say This Bruce, You fuckin rock. I agree with you 10000000% It almost feels like your pulling quotes and ideas directly out of my head. I hope I can be as happy as you and Mellisa are together. I have some BIG Hopes and dreams on the horizon



That's a tall order, Haunted. But you have my best wishes for it.


----------



## candygodiva

LillyBBBW said:


> Candy you are such a cutie. :wubu: Sometimes there are hardships as an SSBBW that I sorta take for granted if that makes sense? I was out on a date and as we were crossing the street he stepped up on the curb and reached for my hand. I thought that was kinda odd. I chuckled a little and asked him what he was doing and he said he was helping me up on the curb. As first I felt like it was overkill. What are we, clawing our way up Everest or something? I played along 'cause he was cute and took his hand and hefted my way up on the curb. The thing is, my knees DO hurt when I climb the curb but I've gotten so used to it that I don't think about it anymore. His hand did actually help which astonished me in a way. *I* had never really considered I suppose. He must have picked up on this habit from previous experience or something. I started out thinking the gesture kinda condescending but managed to see it in the spirit for which it was intended. I won't storm off in a huff from now on if every FA I meet doesn't think to do this but it was very sweet. YMMV of course. Some chicks might feel put out or condescended to but I thought it was great. Eventually.



*giggles* Thank ya love!
Yeah, I'd never experienced such concern over my well being before meeting Tommy. I guess I didn't mind it at first, but was probably a bit put off buy it. After a while he started slacking, due to the fact that I'd complain about it, saying, "I'm ok, I've got it.", till the first time he wasn't right there with me when I actually took a tumble onto my big butt. I have a muscular disorder, and sometimes my legs will just go out from under me for no apparent reason. He's been watching me like a hawk ever since.
When I told him I posted about him, he just re-affirmed what I'd thought. He knows I can't see my feet when I walk, so he just likes to make sure I'm not going to trip on something. "Not on my watch.", he'll say. When we first started seeing eachother, and I moved in with him as a roommate, I noticed he wasn't only like that with me, but every other ssbbw and bbw he was dating. He's definitely one of the good ones.

It's not something to be expected from every FA, but is one of those endearing things I love about some of them.

Love and CandyKisses
:kiss2::kiss2::kiss2:

PS.. I think you're a cutie to, with a voice to makes the angels cry!:wubu:


----------



## largenlovely

nothing much to say except that makes me smile 



candygodiva said:


> *giggles* Thank ya love!
> Yeah, I'd never experienced such concern over my well being before meeting Tommy. I guess I didn't mind it at first, but was probably a bit put off buy it. After a while he started slacking, due to the fact that I'd complain about it, saying, "I'm ok, I've got it.", till the first time he wasn't right there with me when I actually took a tumble onto my big butt. I have a muscular disorder, and sometimes my legs will just go out from under me for no apparent reason. He's been watching me like a hawk ever since.
> When I told him I posted about him, he just re-affirmed what I'd thought. He knows I can't see my feet when I walk, so he just likes to make sure I'm not going to trip on something. "Not on my watch.", he'll say. When we first started seeing eachother, and I moved in with him as a roommate, I noticed he wasn't only like that with me, but every other ssbbw and bbw he was dating. He's definitely one of the good ones.
> 
> It's not something to be expected from every FA, but is one of those endearing things I love about some of them.:


----------



## AnnMarie

Mod: 

I wasn't home all day, and came home to quite a mess in here. Other mods have already gone through and pruned out most of the problem, and I will continue to do so over the next little bit. Bear with me as I get finished. 

This is a valuable topic, and it will be preserved - no more fighting, name calling, attacks, rehashing history, etc... will be tolerated. 

Keep it helpful and on topic, please. 

/mod


----------



## ripley

What'd I miss? WHAT DID I MISS???!??!??! Tigers and name-calling? Dammit, I miss all the good stuff.


----------



## SocialbFly

ripley said:


> What'd I miss? WHAT DID I MISS???!??!??! Tigers and name-calling? Dammit, I miss all the good stuff.



it wasnt good stuff, it was destructive to a thread that Melissa worked hard to keep on target...this is a great thread and i love that i hope it helps people realize some things about dating a larger woman most never think of...

i have to admit, i am one of those "i can do it myself" girls, i may have to rethink that status, cause, as far as i can see, not only is it additional help, but hand holding is never a bad thing...

sometimes i think our pride at being just like everyone else (in a sorta sense) is what hurts us...i try hard to stay very active (well as active as i can be at this size..which let me tell you, has its limits) but sometimes a hand here or there would be nice, someone who goes and gets the car when i am tired is good, but sometimes i want...almost NEED to walk the distance, to feel like everyone else....plus there is the obligatory hand holding, lol...plus, although my joints piss and moan, they need to keep mobile...so yeah, sometimes i want to walk, so if i say i want to walk, bear with me, and walk it, just dont think it is a marathon race to the car, i promise you, you will get to the car first, but with a pissed off SSBBW on your tail, lol.


----------



## ripley

SocialbFly said:


> it wasnt good stuff, it was destructive to a thread that Melissa worked hard to keep on target...this is a great thread and i love that i hope it helps people realize some things about dating a larger woman most never think of...




I know. I was acting silly on purpose to try to lighten the mood.


----------



## AnnMarie

ripley said:


> I know. I was acting silly on purpose to try to lighten the mood.




Well nice job, Ripley!

That really helped. 



:happy: hee hee


----------



## D_A_Bunny

As far as walking to the car, it does depend on the day, the mood, the weather, etc.

Sometimes, I want my man by my side and sometimes, I get snappy and tell him, go ahead of me so you can unlock the car and run the A/C. It depends, but either way, I am very grateful. I always let him know when he has done something helpful because I think it helps him to a) want to do it again and 
b) remember to do it in the future.

I also want to point out that even though my husband and I have been together for almost 18 years, we are still learning something new about what it takes to live this life together, all the time.

So, I will add patience and appreciation to communication and consideration as very important things in the relationship.:wubu:


----------



## ripley

AnnMarie said:


> Well nice job, Ripley!
> 
> That really helped.
> 
> 
> 
> :happy: hee hee



Don't roll your eyes at me, woman! I'll go to the airport and mess with you when you're trying to get to your gate. I will, just keep pushing it!


----------



## SocialbFly

ripley said:


> I know. I was acting silly on purpose to try to lighten the mood.



color me obtuse....so what color is obtuse...lol?


I wanna know if i have an outfit to coordinate with it...


carry on, lol....


----------



## Ernest Nagel

SocialbFly said:


> color me obtuse....*so what color is obtuse*...lol?
> 
> 
> I wanna know if i have an outfit to coordinate with it...
> 
> 
> carry on, lol....



I think it's a real phat shade of chartruse? Goes well with anything wide.


----------



## LillyBBBW

candygodiva said:


> *giggles* Thank ya love!
> Yeah, I'd never experienced such concern over my well being before meeting Tommy. I guess I didn't mind it at first, but was probably a bit put off buy it. After a while he started slacking, due to the fact that *I'd complain about it, saying, "I'm ok, I've got it."*, till the first time he wasn't right there with me when I actually took a tumble onto my big butt. I have a muscular disorder, and sometimes my legs will just go out from under me for no apparent reason. He's been watching me like a hawk ever since.
> When I told him I posted about him, he just re-affirmed what I'd thought. He knows I can't see my feet when I walk, so he just likes to make sure I'm not going to trip on something. "Not on my watch.", he'll say. When we first started seeing eachother, and I moved in with him as a roommate, I noticed he wasn't only like that with me, but every other ssbbw and bbw he was dating. He's definitely one of the good ones.
> 
> It's not something to be expected from every FA, but is one of those endearing things I love about some of them.
> 
> Love and CandyKisses
> :kiss2::kiss2::kiss2:
> 
> PS.. I think you're a cutie to, with a voice to makes the angels cry!:wubu:



I do the same thing you did. lol I feel fussed over because I'm not really used to having anybody do that kind of stuff. I've pretty much always been independent and taken care of myself. 

This segways into something that has crossed my mind a few times in this thread. There seems a lot of push pull here, help me don't help me, I don't need you I need you, be there go away. lol It's hard to know the difference between when somebody needs help and when you're getting in their way. For you married/involved folks: does it get easier? Do you learn to communicate better or do you eventually just become attuned to each other? Just curious.


----------



## candygodiva

largenlovely said:


> nothing much to say except that makes me smile



Aww love you hunny!

I'm glad this thread is sticky'd. It's a damn good one, and so useful to all those young or inexperienced FA's trying to hone their fatty dating skills. There's a lot of great advice here, and a lot of quality information.
Kudos to you love!:kiss2:
Hugs and CandyKisses


----------



## James

LillyBBBW said:


> This segways into something that has crossed my mind a few times in this thread. There seems a lot of push pull here, help me don't help me, I don't need you I need you, be there go away. lol It's hard to know the difference between when somebody needs help and when you're getting in their way.


 
This is kind of what I meant about finding the balance between consideration and condescention... Its bloody hard sometimes and easy to get wrong even when one genuinely tries to understand and empathise with the person that you love. One part wants to help in times of difficulty and the other doesnt want to undermine dignity or esteem.... 

Reading this thread is interesting to me because it really highlights this dichotomy that sits in the middle of a lot of (maybe all?) FA/SSBBW relationships.


----------



## candygodiva

LillyBBBW said:


> I do the same thing you did. lol I feel fussed over because I'm not really used to having anybody do that kind of stuff. I've pretty much always been independent and taken care of myself.
> 
> This segways into something that has crossed my mind a few times in this thread. There seems a lot of push pull here, help me don't help me, I don't need you I need you, be there go away. lol It's hard to know the difference between when somebody needs help and when you're getting in their way. For you married/involved folks: does it get easier? Do you learn to communicate better or do you eventually just become attuned to each other? Just curious.



It does get easier. At least in my case. Tommy knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I think it's a bit of both, becoming attuned to each other, and a good bit of communication to get to that point.
It takes time to build up to it of course, but once you get there, and are both getting what you need and desire out of a relationship..woowee!
It's the good stuff!


----------



## AnnMarie

I'd like to add the other side. 

I believe that the women in relationships have things to think about and consider as well... we should: 

Consider he's not a mind reader and that things need to be expressed (even though it's often hard, and something we may never have even attempted to articulate... why this thread is great).

That trying to discuss things ahead of time, or afterwards, rather than in the heat of a "situation" can be a better approach. There's always time to learn a lesson for next time or to prepare someone for something... again, communication is key. 

Be prepared to offer him the time and freedom to go off and do things that we either can't or don't want to do due to size, energy, mobility, etc. 

Share with him when you feel your limitations are a drag on him, that you realize that eating at that restaurant would have been really cool, and you're sorry the booths (all they offer) don't work out. How about take out? We can have a couch picnic and snuggle? Offer creative suggestions to work around things, rather than feeling as though you're missing out on something. 

Hell... come up with a 1-5 anxiety level chart for situations. When things are mildly "hmm, not sure.." you're at a 2, airports are maybe a 5... group of teenagers dogging you probably a 5 on one day, a 1 on another because you just don't care. 

Tell him the fat girl tricks you might use in public to manage "normal"... so he's not just frustrated that you're staring in shop windows when you're actually catching your breath, etc. 

So, for anyone who read this and thinks we're shifting responsibility, think again. Responsibility is all ours, all day, all our lives. We simply want someone who is a "partner" (a real one, the person we're dating) to be an active/invested part of our lives. This means keeping your head, sometimes, where our head is. 

You don't have to carry our weight, but sometimes you have to help us shoulder the burden.


----------



## MisticalMisty

AnnMarie said:


> You don't have to carry our weight, but sometimes you have to help us shoulder the burden.



I can't rep you, but damn this may be the best line I've read in this thread.

There has been so much helpful information given in this thread. It saddens me to see the direction some chose to go, but we all know it happens from time to time.

I don't have anything to add really, except thank you to those of you who have made yourselves vulnerable and decided to share. Also, thank you to those FAs that support us everyday: not only here at dimensions, but in the read world as well. I appreciate it, more than you will ever know!

Misty


----------



## Tooz

mossystate said:


> Not thinking that anybody or any relationship is perfect..those are things of myth...heh..but, I liked reading this....just seems like Mike is a guy who tunes in and deals in a classy and calm manner....that is, indeed, a rare..ish..thing...and so refreshing to read..thanks!..and..yes....clone..clone...clone away!



I agree, that is a super thoughtful thing for him to do.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

AnnMarie said:


> I'd like to add the other side.
> 
> I believe that the women in relationships have things to think about and consider as well... we should:
> 
> Consider he's not a mind reader and that things need to be expressed (even though it's often hard, and something we may never have even attempted to articulate... why this thread is great).
> 
> That trying to discuss things ahead of time, or afterwards, rather than in the heat of a "situation" can be a better approach. There's always time to learn a lesson for next time or to prepare someone for something... again, communication is key.
> 
> Be prepared to offer him the time and freedom to go off and do things that we either can't or don't want to do due to size, energy, mobility, etc.
> 
> Share with him when you feel your limitations are a drag on him, that you realize that eating at that restaurant would have been really cool, and you're sorry the booths (all they offer) don't work out. How about take out? We can have a couch picnic and snuggle? Offer creative suggestions to work around things, rather than feeling as though you're missing out on something.
> 
> Hell... come up with a 1-5 anxiety level chart for situations. When things are mildly "hmm, not sure.." you're at a 2, airports are maybe a 5... group of teenagers dogging you probably a 5 on one day, a 1 on another because you just don't care.
> 
> Tell him the fat girl tricks you might use in public to manage "normal"... so he's not just frustrated that you're staring in shop windows when you're actually catching your breath, etc.
> 
> So, for anyone who read this and thinks we're shifting responsibility, think again. Responsibility is all ours, all day, all our lives. We simply want someone who is a "partner" (a real one, the person we're dating) to be an active/invested part of our lives. This means keeping your head, sometimes, where our head is.
> 
> You don't have to carry our weight, but sometimes you have to help us shoulder the burden.



Thank you VERY much for posting that, AnnMarie. Melissa utilized some of the "safety tips" you brought up in this post when her and I first started dating and I didn't even realize it until you pointed it out. Since some of the men reading these posts are getting the wrong idea, hopefully the girls will take notes and apply your suggestions to get the RIGHT idea.

And maybe I can't literally carry Melissa's weight (and I've tried ), but I certainly enjoy holding and caressing it whenever she has to "brief" me whenever we're in public.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

James said:


> Its bloody hard sometimes and easy to get wrong even when one genuinely tries to understand and empathise with the person that you love. One part wants to help in times of difficulty and the other doesnt want to undermine dignity or esteem....



This is nothing that communication cannot overcome. It doesn't hurt to ask questions, and unless you're sure from previous experience that there is walking distance or a tight squeeze that your girl isn't meant for, then don't make assumptions. Just talk to her. My money says that she'll love you all the more for looking out for her safety and comfort. 

Melissa and I have been together long enough for me to know what she can and cannot handle. I encourage her to be active, for health's sake, but I know her limitations and I'm confident that I can pick an apartment or a movie theater or even a diner in which she'll be comfortable at all times. If there's any room for doubt, then I let her know right away and let her decide where we go, what we do, and how we do it. No two women are the same, but, she has always come off as very appreciative rather than insulted or humiliated.


----------



## largenlovely

very very well said



AnnMarie said:


> I'd like to add the other side.
> 
> I believe that the women in relationships have things to think about and consider as well... we should:
> 
> Consider he's not a mind reader and that things need to be expressed (even though it's often hard, and something we may never have even attempted to articulate... why this thread is great).
> 
> That trying to discuss things ahead of time, or afterwards, rather than in the heat of a "situation" can be a better approach. There's always time to learn a lesson for next time or to prepare someone for something... again, communication is key.
> 
> Be prepared to offer him the time and freedom to go off and do things that we either can't or don't want to do due to size, energy, mobility, etc.
> 
> Share with him when you feel your limitations are a drag on him, that you realize that eating at that restaurant would have been really cool, and you're sorry the booths (all they offer) don't work out. How about take out? We can have a couch picnic and snuggle? Offer creative suggestions to work around things, rather than feeling as though you're missing out on something.
> 
> Hell... come up with a 1-5 anxiety level chart for situations. When things are mildly "hmm, not sure.." you're at a 2, airports are maybe a 5... group of teenagers dogging you probably a 5 on one day, a 1 on another because you just don't care.
> 
> Tell him the fat girl tricks you might use in public to manage "normal"... so he's not just frustrated that you're staring in shop windows when you're actually catching your breath, etc.
> 
> So, for anyone who read this and thinks we're shifting responsibility, think again. Responsibility is all ours, all day, all our lives. We simply want someone who is a "partner" (a real one, the person we're dating) to be an active/invested part of our lives. This means keeping your head, sometimes, where our head is.
> 
> You don't have to carry our weight, but sometimes you have to help us shoulder the burden.


----------



## largenlovely

that mean no more jumping on your back when we're in the pool? LOL



UncannyBruceman said:


> And maybe I can't literally carry Melissa's weight (and I've tried


----------



## AnnMarie

largenlovely said:


> that mean no more jumping on your back when we're in the pool? LOL



hahah... no no, the pool is magic land. All FAs can carry us in there. 

How many days until Mem Day?? lol



Thanks, Melissa and Bruce, glad that post might be informative.


----------



## mszwebs

AnnMarie said:


> hahah... no no, the pool is magic land. All FAs can carry us in there.
> 
> *How many days until Mem Day?? lol*
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks, Melissa and Bruce, glad that post might be informative.



As of tomorrow...24 days


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Having been married for 15 years now, I realized I take my wonderful husband for granted. After all these years we have developed a well choreographed dance of when he helps me and when he doesn't. I am amazed by some of the stories the women have posted here. I guess I've been married a long time. LOL

But believe me Wayne is the most wonderful man who makes sure all my needs are met and as we get older those needs are becoming more and more important. 

I'm lucky, and thank you for reminding me of that.:wubu:


----------



## SuperMishe

I just can't go back and read 450 posts, but wanted to "weigh in" on the subject! 

It can't be said enough that it's all about communication! As much as the FA needs to learn and understand the limitations, the SSBBW (or BHM?) needs to make her/his needs known.

I've read some of the posts and Melissa and AnnMarie have really done a good job laying it all out. Thanks guys! :bow:


----------



## largenlovely

lmao @ magic land 



AnnMarie said:


> hahah... no no, the pool is magic land. All FAs can carry us in there.


----------



## olwen

I for one am grateful for this thread if only to learn that FA's tend to think of us as goddesses. (I feel silly saying it, but this is honestly a new concept for me.) I am very glad that there are people out there who are willing to go there for us, especially since I haven't had enough of that in my own dating life. Just _knowing _that these are things FA's will actually think about makes me feel more hopeful for us all.

Making an effort to be conscientious is what counts, and really that's all I've ever hoped for.


----------



## Shosh

Melissa and Bruce you are a very cute couple. Any chance you could post a pic of yourselves together for us to see? Of course I know what Melissa looks like from her modelling, but Bruce I am trying to picture what you look like, and more importantly what you look like together.

Would you indulge us and post a lovely pic? That would be wonderful.

Todah.

Shoshie


----------



## Pookie

I have read through all of this thread over the last couple of days, used up all the rep I am allowed to give due to the amazing sentiments expressed in here.

*You don't have to carry our weight, but sometimes you have to help us shoulder the burden.*

I love that line, its perfect.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

Susannah said:


> Melissa and Bruce you are a very cute couple. Any chance you could post a pic of yourselves together for us to see? Of course I know what Melissa looks like from her modelling, but Bruce I am trying to picture what you look like, and more importantly what you look like together.
> 
> Would you indulge us and post a lovely pic? That would be wonderful.
> 
> Todah.
> 
> Shoshie



Melissa may have some softer pics, but...


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye

ripley said:


> I know. I was acting silly on purpose to try to lighten the mood.



Likewise, mon ami. People just don't understand us sometimes, heeheh :happy:


----------



## LillyBBBW

Thanks for chiming in everyone.  No good concert can come off without a lot of practice. On some levels I know this but I just wonder how the practical application of this concept translates into real life. I would like to think that after a while it all gets easier and it's something you don't have to think through so much after a while. When you find someone you want to build that kind of music with it is pretty special. I salute all of you successful couples here. :bow:


----------



## Shosh

UncannyBruceman said:


> Melissa may have some softer pics, but...




 That one finger salute is not for me is it?

Thanks for posting that.


----------



## largenlovely

i promise that wasn't for you lol...but geeeze from our repertoire of pictures with him flipping off the camera, he could've picked a more flattering one of ME lol

Here's a much better one...



Susannah said:


> That one finger salute is not for me is it?
> 
> Thanks for posting that.



View attachment mebruceithica.jpg


----------



## LillyBBBW

largenlovely said:


> i promise that wasn't for you lol...but geeeze from our repertoire of pictures with him flipping off the camera, he could've picked a more flattering one of ME lol
> 
> Here's a much better one...



Oooooooooo..? I see London, I see France!  You two look adorable. lol


----------



## largenlovely

roflmao..and ya know i totally had a slip on and everything. That kind of crap happens to me all the time and i never know until AFTER i see the freaking picture hahaha...and God forbid a man tell ya before the fact lol. I should start taking pics of myself before i walk out the door. 



LillyBBBW said:


> Oooooooooo..? I see London, I see France!  You two look adorable. lol


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus

Look how cute you 2 are!!




largenlovely said:


> i promise that wasn't for you lol...but geeeze from our repertoire of pictures with him flipping off the camera, he could've picked a more flattering one of ME lol
> 
> Here's a much better one...


----------



## LillyBBBW

largenlovely said:


> roflmao..and ya know i totally had a slip on and everything. That kind of crap happens to me all the time and i never know until AFTER i see the freaking picture hahaha...and God forbid a man tell ya before the fact lol. I should start taking pics of myself before i walk out the door.



Tell ya? Why would anyone want to do that? It shows your inner beauty. lol


----------



## Tina

largenlovely said:


> i promise that wasn't for you lol...but geeeze from our repertoire of pictures with him flipping off the camera, he could've picked a more flattering one of ME lol
> 
> Here's a much better one...


The pics I see of the two of you, you both look so happy together, and Bruce usually looks blissful. 

And AM, is there anything better than being in water with a sweetie to give piggy back rides, and other things not always possible when gravity is factored in?


----------



## Shosh

largenlovely said:


> i promise that wasn't for you lol...but geeeze from our repertoire of pictures with him flipping off the camera, he could've picked a more flattering one of ME lol
> 
> Here's a much better one...



Lovely. You look happy together.


----------



## SparkGirl

*This is such a great thread...*


----------



## goldilocks829

We have a full-size pickup, and my husband built a little wooden step for me to use to get in. Then he just puts it in the back of the truck. Works like a charm! 





Gspoon said:


> Well, honestly.
> 
> I'd need to actually know how dating goes for a SSBBW, never had one. I have a truck, and my ex who was 230 had no problem climbing in.
> 
> But for an SSBBW, I'd need to actually date one to know how it goes!


----------



## largenlovely

I try to keep him as blissful as possible lol

thanks so much everyone  happiest i've ever been in my life i tell ya :wubu:




Tina said:


> The pics I see of the two of you, you both look so happy together, and Bruce usually looks blissful.


----------



## LillyBBBW

goldilocks829 said:


> We have a full-size pickup, and my husband built a little wooden step for me to use to get in. Then he just puts it in the back of the truck. Works like a charm!



There are so many mechanics to getting in the truck that make it difficult. First is the climb, then it's maneuvering and folding up your body in the proper position to actually squeeze into the chair without wiping out. It's balance and then having something to hold on to that will support your iron grip and your weight while you try to step in. And if you have any issues with your back or your shoulders, etc. you won't be able to do it. You'll need not only a step but somebody's shoulder to lean on while you back into the truck, sit down and then square yourself around to face forward. 

I had to pick up my brother's truck and drive it back to his house from the car rental place and nearly fainted when I realized the difficulty I would face just trying to get in. I'm lucky I have good balance and strength in my arms but I bet I sure looked funny to everybody who saw me wiggling my way up.


----------



## TraciJo67

Susannah said:


> That one finger salute is not for me is it?
> 
> Thanks for posting that.



I love that pic ... but then, when *I* posted one of myself flipping the bird, a moderator promptly PMed me and told me that it was inappropriate and to remove it immediately. Would hate to see you suffer the same fate there, Bruce


----------



## JerseyAngel321

Great thread! I dated a few guys who could have learned a thing or two reading all these posts. :doh:

Thankfully hubby is a big guy and has his own limitations so he's VERY considerate about mine. Places I wouldn't be comfortable going, sitting, eating, etc he wouldn't be either and even if he were he'd never make me suffer or make me feel bad because I have limitations and certain needs. I used a store scooter for the first time the other day...at his insistance...and that was by far the best shopping trip I've had in a long long time. He told me he couldn't stand seeing me suffer and try to push past the pain anymore. Guys in my past would have been mortified to have to shop with someone in a scooter.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Just wanted to say that while clearly super size is something that is always present in a persons life and to some degree the person theyre in relationship with it doesn't have to be the context for their life or relationship. Especially when health is an issue its easy to have everything revolve around overcoming and dealing with issues related to size. It can become a sort of common enemy in the relationship, something that you bond over. Ive run into this especially with women who havent been in a relationship with a supportive FA. 

In my experience this doesnt constitute a good foundation for a mutually fulfilling long-term relationship. Its too easy to get trapped in the smugness of overcoming physical limitations. Its seductively satisfying to be appreciated as compassionate and supportive. For the SSBBW it can be reassuring and a huge relief to have someone who isnt daunted or discouraged by the extra time and effort they need. All of that is OK if it doesnt bog down there or rely on that as the measure of a successful relationship.

Women (and men) deserve to be appreciated and known comprehensively. No one should be defined or related to as their limitations. Much of the character, heart and soul of a SSBBW is related to the life her body has created but a lot more of it isnt. Exploring and enjoying the many things about her that are irrelevant to her size is important. Its easy to fall into the trap of not being able to see the forest for the trees  not being able to see the person for the pounds. 

So I guess what Im fumbling to say here is no matter how much energy is committed to addressing issues of size it shouldnt dictate how much _attention_ is focused there. An extra-large body tends to beget certain assumptions. I think true intimacy consists largely of letting go of expectations and letting someone flourish outside of any boundaries. Thats a part of the reality of dating, loving, committing to an SSBBW that has to be addressed long after all the logistical issues have been handled. JMO. What does anyone else see here?


----------



## olwen

Sounds about right to me.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Wow, Olwen's pity post notwithstanding I think this is the biggest thread I've ever killed?!? Granted it was getting old and a bit weak but I feel so powerful! Kinda like Ted Nugent only without the trophy heads or musical talent. Does anybody have any recipes for dead thread? My grandfather taught me you have to eat what you kill. (That's incidentally the only thing that kept my first ex alive, too.)


----------



## LillyBBBW

Ernest Nagel said:


> Wow, Olwen's pity post notwithstanding I think this is the biggest thread I've ever killed?!? Granted it was getting old and a bit weak but I feel so powerful! Kinda like Ted Nugent only without the trophy heads or musical talent. Does anybody have any recipes for dead thread? My grandfather taught me you have to eat what you kill. (That's incidentally the only thing that kept my first ex alive, too.)



Ernest I'm going to be honest with you. I dont know what's wrong with me but I didnt understand a word you said. I was going to disagree just for fun but I couldn't figure out how. You DID kill this thread. Now go ahead and *RAWR*!


----------



## largenlovely

i think ..maybe lol...you're saying that the entire relationship can't be size related issues? that it has to be based on something deeper?



Ernest Nagel said:


> Just wanted to say that while clearly super size is something that is always present in a persons life and to some degree the person theyre in relationship with it doesn't have to be the context for their life or relationship. Especially when health is an issue its easy to have everything revolve around overcoming and dealing with issues related to size. It can become a sort of common enemy in the relationship, something that you bond over. Ive run into this especially with women who havent been in a relationship with a supportive FA.
> 
> In my experience this doesnt constitute a good foundation for a mutually fulfilling long-term relationship. Its too easy to get trapped in the smugness of overcoming physical limitations. Its seductively satisfying to be appreciated as compassionate and supportive. For the SSBBW it can be reassuring and a huge relief to have someone who isnt daunted or discouraged by the extra time and effort they need. All of that is OK if it doesnt bog down there or rely on that as the measure of a successful relationship.
> 
> Women (and men) deserve to be appreciated and known comprehensively. No one should be defined or related to as their limitations. Much of the character, heart and soul of a SSBBW is related to the life her body has created but a lot more of it isnt. Exploring and enjoying the many things about her that are irrelevant to her size is important. Its easy to fall into the trap of not being able to see the forest for the trees  not being able to see the person for the pounds.
> 
> So I guess what Im fumbling to say here is no matter how much energy is committed to addressing issues of size it shouldnt dictate how much _attention_ is focused there. An extra-large body tends to beget certain assumptions. I think true intimacy consists largely of letting go of expectations and letting someone flourish outside of any boundaries. Thats a part of the reality of dating, loving, committing to an SSBBW that has to be addressed long after all the logistical issues have been handled. JMO. What does anyone else see here?


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

largenlovely said:


> i think ..maybe lol...you're saying that the entire relationship can't be size related issues? that it has to be based on something deeper?




lol. I read his post twice and I just couldn't get what the point was in relation to this thread. 

Of course the whole relationship can't be fat related!!! This isn't a thread about fat fetishism (I don't think!) This thread is about the very real issues we, SSBBWs of a certain size, face in the physical world, and no amount of love and acceptance is going to change where our body fits or the special things we have to look out for and do.

No relationship can survive if it revolves around just one thing, I think that is common sense.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Sorry to be so inscrutable. I was trying to approach what I suspect may be a rather sensitive issue as diplomatically as possible. So much for subtlety. 

To be blunt I've been in relationships with SSBBW where their weight or how people related to them because of their weight was the excuse for anything that didn't work in their lives. It was supposed to be like some universal "get out of jail free card" for anything they didn't want to do or try. I understand supersize makes many things challenging, painful even. I have every respect for real limitations. Imagined ones, anticipated ones, not so much. Having people point at you isn't the worst thing that can happen. Letting assholes like that run your life or keep you at home is. JMO. 

For me being supportive means not letting someone give up on themselves or close off whole parts of the world if they don't need to. I will bend over backwards to help a partner have a fulfilling life. If she feels trapped by her body it's hard for me to fully enjoy it. If I ask a SSBBW to go to a concert or museum or travel with me it's because I'd enjoy her company and hope she would enjoy those things. I take full responsibility for making sure it's as comfortable and safe for her as possible (I know how to do so, just to be clear).

I have taken SSBBW whitewater rafting, snowmobiling and done many other things they felt uncertain about. It was always great; confronting sometimes but always liberating. I don't remember exactly the quote about experience that says it's not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you? For me what's Super about SSBBW is choosing all the life they want, regardless of size. I'm always proud and happy to support that. Using it to hide out or quit sucks the sexy right out of SS for me. Any life left in this thread to talk about that?

Just for the record this is a conversation I'd prefer to have had in an FA only room.


----------



## olwen

Ernest Nagel said:


> Sorry to be so inscrutable. I was trying to approach what I suspect may be a rather sensitive issue as diplomatically as possible. So much for subtlety.
> 
> To be blunt I've been in relationships with SSBBW where their weight or how people related to them because of their weight was the excuse for anything that didn't work in their lives. It was supposed to be like some universal "get out of jail free card" for anything they didn't want to do or try. I understand supersize makes many things challenging, painful even. I have every respect for real limitations. Imagined ones, anticipated ones, not so much. Having people point at you isn't the worst thing that can happen. Letting assholes like that run your life or keep you at home is. JMO.
> 
> For me being supportive means not letting someone give up on themselves or close off whole parts of the world if they don't need to. I will bend over backwards to help a partner have a fulfilling life. If she feels trapped by her body it's hard for me to fully enjoy it. If I ask a SSBBW to go to a concert or museum or travel with me it's because I'd enjoy her company and hope she would enjoy those things. I take full responsibility for making sure it's as comfortable and safe for her as possible (I know how to do so, just to be clear).
> 
> I have taken SSBBW whitewater rafting, snowmobiling and done many other things they felt uncertain about. It was always great; confronting sometimes but always liberating. I don't remember exactly the quote about experience that says it's not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you? For me what's Super about SSBBW is choosing all the life they want, regardless of size. I'm always proud and happy to support that. Using it to hide out or quit sucks the sexy right out of SS for me. Any life left in this thread to talk about that?
> 
> Just for the record this is a conversation I'd prefer to have had in an FA only room.



Ernest, surely what you just said is as helpful as any of the other things said in this thread. It may be common sense to some FAs, but to others it may just be the kick in the pants they need to get to that "duh" moment. It might even be helpful for a SSBBW starting a new relationship so that she knows how her attitude about herself will affect her man. Who would argue wiht that kind of logic?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

LillyBBBW said:


> Ernest I'm going to be honest with you. I dont know what's wrong with me but I didnt understand a word you said. I was going to disagree just for fun but I couldn't figure out how. You DID kill this thread. Now go ahead and *RAWR*!




I think I can understand his post from the pieces I browsed.....but it's just too damn long for me and my short attention span :doh:
He was being nice, I think 

I have this same problem with Admiral Snackbar...


----------



## LillyBBBW

Ernest Nagel said:


> Sorry to be so inscrutable. I was trying to approach what I suspect may be a rather sensitive issue as diplomatically as possible. So much for subtlety.
> 
> To be blunt I've been in relationships with SSBBW where their weight or how people related to them because of their weight was the excuse for anything that didn't work in their lives. It was supposed to be like some universal "get out of jail free card" for anything they didn't want to do or try. I understand supersize makes many things challenging, painful even. I have every respect for real limitations. Imagined ones, anticipated ones, not so much. Having people point at you isn't the worst thing that can happen. Letting assholes like that run your life or keep you at home is. JMO.
> 
> For me being supportive means not letting someone give up on themselves or close off whole parts of the world if they don't need to. I will bend over backwards to help a partner have a fulfilling life. If she feels trapped by her body it's hard for me to fully enjoy it. If I ask a SSBBW to go to a concert or museum or travel with me it's because I'd enjoy her company and hope she would enjoy those things. I take full responsibility for making sure it's as comfortable and safe for her as possible (I know how to do so, just to be clear).
> 
> I have taken SSBBW whitewater rafting, snowmobiling and done many other things they felt uncertain about. It was always great; confronting sometimes but always liberating. I don't remember exactly the quote about experience that says it's not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you? For me what's Super about SSBBW is choosing all the life they want, regardless of size. I'm always proud and happy to support that. Using it to hide out or quit sucks the sexy right out of SS for me. Any life left in this thread to talk about that?
> 
> Just for the record this is a conversation I'd prefer to have had in an FA only room.



As a single SSBBW I can't really make any value judgments on this because I am doing it all myself. There's nobody running to hold open doors for me, I have to put away my own groceries, I have to heave my own fat ass up off the couch. I would love it if I didn't have to do it all alone and would be happy to do my share but there is a recurrent issue that exists: I'm slow. Everything I do takes longer and I often find the person I'm with, even a family member, will eventually snatch the thing from my hand and finish it off. They feel compelled to do so because it is apparent to them that I have difficulty and they want to make sure I'm taken care of. I make everything look more laborious somehow while in my mind it's just another normal day at the zoo. Not saying I don't appreciate the help, I truly do! But not if the person is eventually going to become resentful. It is one of the reasons I am reluctant to ask for help when I need it. I'd rather just struggle through it. Being resented is one of the top 5 worst feelings in the world.

I don't know the answer. Mostly the same old cliche, communication. If you weren't there, the SSBBW would have to find another way to get things accomplished. In many cases she is more than happy to do that but the FA assures her that he's fine with doing _________, ____________, __________ and ________ when really he's not.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

LillyBBBW said:


> As a single SSBBW I can't really make any value judgments on this because I am doing it all myself. There's nobody running to hold open doors for me, I have to put away my own groceries, I have to heave my own fat ass up off the couch. I would love it if I didn't have to do it all alone and would be happy to do my share but there is a recurrent issue that exists: I'm slow. Everything I do takes longer and I often find the person I'm with, even a family member, will eventually snatch the thing from my hand and finish it off. They feel compelled to do so because it is apparent to them that I have difficulty and they want to make sure I'm taken care of. I make everything look more laborious somehow while in my mind it's just another normal day at the zoo. Not saying I don't appreciate the help, I truly do! But not if the person is eventually going to become resentful. It is one of the reasons I am reluctant to ask for help when I need it. I'd rather just struggle through it. Being resented is one of the top 5 worst feelings in the world.
> 
> I don't know the answer. Mostly the same old cliche, communication. If you weren't there, the SSBBW would have to find another way to get things accomplished. In many cases she is more than happy to do that but the FA assures her that he's fine with doing _________, ____________, __________ and ________ when really he's not.



Lilly,

I can assure you the only thing I _resent_ is when someone thinks they owe me something for my courtesy. It's a mitzvah, nothing is due in return or wanted. Karma is NOT about reciprocity. I extend kindness because I can. That I love large women does not preclude the possibility that they warrant my consideration independently of that fact. All sentences in this statement can stand alone as bumper stickers or absolute expressions of my feelings in this matter. :bow:

Very respectfully, to all who have posted on this particular issue,
Scott

PS, GEF, I don't try to be nice, just honest.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Ernest Nagel said:


> PS, GEF, I don't try to be nice, just honest.



Oh jeez, is this your way of making me actually read ALL of your longer posts? :doh:

 




I just tease a lot anyway......don't pay me any attention - it usually worked for my ex-husbands


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Oh jeez, is this your way of making me actually read ALL of your longer posts? :doh:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I just tease a lot anyway......don't pay me any attention - it usually worked for my ex-husbands



Oh, G_d NO! just assume I'm being facetious if I go anything over a paragraph. My cynicism is conspicuously long-winded. When I'm being sincere I say nothing. Does that help at all?


----------



## skinny4bigwoman

A bit like taking a pregnant woman out, is it?

I'd think that any place that is keeping up with the times would have accessibility for those in need (in other words, this rules out most of the London tube stations!). My best friend from my formidable years just married a naturally pretty woman who weighs over 400 pounds. Dresses sexy, lovely face, massive body, mainly in the belly and butt. Anyway, his car is normal-sized, and I don't think she had any issues with that.

Reading all this, though, I think was good for me. I find SSBBWs like Large n Lovely to be absolute sex-on-legs, yet being someone who generally goes for the range around size 20, I've never had to accomodate for one.

I'd be a nightmare to many SSBBWs, I think. I walk a lot, live on the fourth floor without an elevator, love to wander around the city... the best I could be to one would be something akin to a houseboy.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

skinny4bigwoman said:


> A bit like taking a pregnant woman out, is it?
> 
> I'd think that any place that is keeping up with the times would have accessibility for those in need (in other words, this rules out most of the London tube stations!). My best friend from my formidable years just married a naturally pretty woman who weighs over 400 pounds. Dresses sexy, lovely face, massive body, mainly in the belly and butt. Anyway, his car is normal-sized, and I don't think she had any issues with that.
> 
> Reading all this, though, I think was good for me. I find SSBBWs like Large n Lovely to be absolute sex-on-legs, yet being someone who generally goes for the range around size 20, I've never had to accomodate for one.
> 
> I'd be a nightmare to many SSBBWs, I think. I walk a lot, live on the fourth floor without an elevator, love to wander around the city... the best I could be to one would be something akin to a houseboy.




yes you would be my idea of a nightmare, lol. But I'm sure many ladies would love a bloke like you


----------



## largenlovely

lol at least you're honest about it i suppose 



skinny4bigwoman said:


> I'd be a nightmare to many SSBBWs, I think. I walk a lot, live on the fourth floor without an elevator, love to wander around the city... the best I could be to one would be something akin to a houseboy.


----------



## olwen

BigBellySSBBW, I think it's cute how those britishisms are starting to creep into your posts. It makes me want to go and have a cuppa.


----------



## jewels_mystery

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell



Bravo. I had a ex who was pissed because I wouldn't go skiing with him. I was willing to hang around the lodge. But I fractured both knees nd have problems with them. I was not willing to take the risk. I was amazed that he thought I would be able to ski.


----------



## jewels_mystery

Ruby Ripples said:


> We do understand that you can't know it all, but we're not even talking about intuition here, we are talking about a supposed ssbbw admirer taking an ssbbw into a crowded restaurant, then walking ahead, squeezing through tiny spaces between tables... or striding along a street at a brisk pace with no thought as to the clear fact that his companion is maybe 8 inches shorter but 250lb heavier, so cannot keep up. Those are things that should be obvious really to anyone, FA or not, yet unfortunately they aren't.
> 
> It's understandable that you might not have considered that she could have problems like climbing up into a high vehicle, since you wouldn't be expected to know the height/weight/physics issues involved . Also, you wouldn't be expected to know any particular woman's stamina for walking or any activity, as it can vary so much. I was taken on a date to a sushi restaurant, I asked the guy to check first and see if it was benches and tables bolted to the floors... he checked and yes, sure enough it was. I could see the lightbulb light up in his head when I asked him to check and he was quite horrified looking that he had not thought about it. But, I wouldn't have expected him to realise that I couldn't fit in there, since most people can, so it's not something obvious perhaps. However, I WOULD have expected him to notice if the restaurant was packed and that it would be difficult for me to squeeze through. See the difference?
> 
> So yes, we're not hard women, lol, but sometimes things which are pretty obvious are not taken into consideration.
> 
> Melissa, I went to the cinema last Summer with a friend and when we got in, we discovered that I couldnt fit in the seat!! Luckily the seat wasnt much lower than the arms, so I kinda wedged myself in, one butt cheek up the side of the arm, lol. It wasn't comfy, but I wanted to see the movie! I fit into other cinema seats though, except the old cinemas with seats from about the 30s... so obviously different places have different sized seats.



That is so true about restaurants. My friends now, I will not go into a crowded restaurant. If we do, I am quick to tell the waitress where I want to be seated. I hate having to squeeze myself down an aisle.


----------



## jewels_mystery

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I need to get a chair! Is it a folding camping chair? I know living XL has one....and I think I'm going to get it this summer when I am out there.



I bought my chair from living XL last year. I love it!!!!! It so sturdy. A little heavy but its worth it.


----------



## jewels_mystery

DumbAssBunny said:


> If I may tell a personal story that meant alot to me.
> 
> Many years ago, my sister in law was graduating with her Masters. The actual graduation was on a weekday and only my inlaws went, but we were all going out to a restaurant after dinner to celebrate. It was one that noone had been to yet.
> Although my inlaws obviously knew I was fat, we had only begun using the term "fat friendly" in front of them awhile before that, to make them aware of certain things that affected me specifically.
> Well, to my great surprise, they were "aware" enough to go to the restaurant a week ahead and scout it out. When they called to invite us, they also stated, "and we went there in person to make the reservations. The table we are getting is very roomy and accessable and the chairs are armless, wood chairs."
> I was jumping up and down with joy. They actually went out of their way to do this and it proved that they "got it".
> That was one of the best dinners I ever had.



That was so sweet and thoughtful.


----------



## mergirl

This is a brilliant thread! I think though, that its good to be aware of peoples needs in general, regardless of size. Like if you have a really nervous friend you dont want to be bursting a balloon behind them and giving them a fright!
anyway..i think that Fa's, just like anyone getting used to anyone have to learn, be taught or beaten into learning (lol)when it comes to any particular needs a partner might have. Especially if they are skinny, they might just not have thought through some of the obsticals that ssbbws encounter in thier every day life..
Also sometimes they might not want to be presumptious.. for example..if you think your partner might break a chair ..you might not want to warn them as it might be deemed as being insulting...
its happened a couple of times with me.. with friends breaking stuff..and i'm always like "oh i ment to say..that chair/bed(delete as drunkenly deplicable) was really dodgy sorry" when in fact.. i thought it would be ok... but there are times when one of my bbw friends have been sitting on a creaking chair and i'm holding my breath the whole time really hoping it holds up.
i think it would be rude to say "erm i think that chair might be on its last legs" (sic).. but then its even worse if it does actually break.
As for people who would walk really fast in front of you.. thats just TOTALLY rude! i used to be quite a fast walker but because i have had to slow down my pace i have noticed that even when i am walking on my own now..i'm very doddly and slow..
its great! fat chicks make you take in the scenary!

xxmer


----------



## Brach311

mergirl said:


> This is a brilliant thread! I think though, that its good to be aware of peoples needs in general, regardless of size. Like if you have a really nervous friend you dont want to be bursting a balloon behind them and giving them a fright!
> anyway..i think that Fa's, just like anyone getting used to anyone have to learn, be taught or beaten into learning (lol)when it comes to any particular needs a partner might have. Especially if they are skinny, they might just not have thought through some of the obsticals that ssbbws encounter in thier every day life..
> Also sometimes they might not want to be presumptious.. for example..if you think your partner might break a chair ..you might not want to warn them as it might be deemed as being insulting...
> its happened a couple of times with me.. with friends breaking stuff..and i'm always like "oh i ment to say..that chair/bed(delete as drunkenly deplicable) was really dodgy sorry" when in fact.. i thought it would be ok... but there are times when one of my bbw friends have been sitting on a creaking chair and i'm holding my breath the whole time really hoping it holds up.
> i think it would be rude to say "erm i think that chair might be on its last legs" (sic).. but then its even worse if it does actually break.
> As for people who would walk really fast in front of you.. thats just TOTALLY rude! i used to be quite a fast walker but because i have had to slow down my pace i have noticed that even when i am walking on my own now..i'm very doddly and slow..
> its great! fat chicks make you take in the scenary!
> 
> xxmer



What do you mean people that walk really fast in front of you? Similar to when you're at the mall walking slow and some guy passes you walking fast? Or some guy walking straight across your path and cutting you off? I would say the second is rude but not so much the first if they are just passing.


----------



## mergirl

099999999999999999999o


----------



## LillyBBBW

Brach311 said:


> What do you mean people that walk really fast in front of you? Similar to when you're at the mall walking slow and some guy passes you walking fast? Or some guy walking straight across your path and cutting you off? I would say the second is rude but not so much the first if they are just passing.



I think she meant as she's walking with someone and the person is walking too fast for her to keep up.


----------



## mergirl

Brach311 said:


> What do you mean people that walk really fast in front of you? Similar to when you're at the mall walking slow and some guy passes you walking fast? Or some guy walking straight across your path and cutting you off? I would say the second is rude but not so much the first if they are just passing.


lmao.. sorry ..my cat just posted that last reply!! i think he wanted to call the coast guard..
no.. what i ment was.. it would be really rude if you were dating a ssbbw and were walking and you walked way in front really fast! it sounds implausable.. but i have heard of it happening..
i do think its ok to walk faster than perfect strangers.. because if we didnt the whole world would walk in a big straight line and we wouldnt all fit..and people walking the other way wouldnt be able to get past and it would be like a Dr suess story..

xxmer


----------



## Brach311

Oh ok gotcha. I actually do that alot but its not intentional. I am pretty tall so its like my natural comfortable speed of walking so sometimes I have to be reminded I'm walking too fast. Not intentionally trying to leave the poor girl in the dust.


----------



## mergirl

LillyBBBW said:


> I think she meant as she's walking with someone and the person is walking too fast for her to keep up.


yessum! exactly Lilly! i'm pretty tired though so i'm not all that articulate today..
i'm actually sort of medium sized, so i dont mean it from my perspective but i imagine it would just utterly suck if someone was to walk way ahead of me..grrr.. the point of taking a walk with someone is to be beside them.. 
i was also going to go on a rant about non fat friendly places but i feel i would get to angry and never end.. so i shall save it for another day..
xxmer


----------



## mergirl

Brach311 said:


> Oh ok gotcha. I actually do that alot but its not intentional. I am pretty tall so its like my natural comfortable speed of walking so sometimes I have to be reminded I'm walking too fast. Not intentionally trying to leave the poor girl in the dust.


ahhh i see... hmmm maby you could tie some twine around your knees to make your steps smaller perhaps?
xxmer


----------



## Brach311

mergirl said:


> ahhh i see... hmmm maby you could tie some twine around your knees to make your steps smaller perhaps?
> xxmer



Wouldn't that get in the way of certain things...


----------



## mergirl

Brach311 said:


> Wouldn't that get in the way of certain things...


well you could untie yourself when you wanted to use your "certain thing" for "certain things"!
we are talking about your cock right?
lmao
xxmer


----------



## Brach311

Or I could just tie twine to her so she can't fall behind...ok ok i'm not that mean. I mean I'd at least use something pretty....like diamond twine.


----------



## mergirl

Brach311 said:


> Or I could just tie twine to her so she can't fall behind...ok ok i'm not that mean. I mean I'd at least use something pretty....like diamond twine.


muwahahaaha...yes..nice idea..
i know diamonds are supposed to be a girls best friend...but if your best friend is dragging you through the dirt you may have a wee fall out..
maby twine was a bad idea.. perhaps you could walk on your hands..it would definatly slow you down..plus you might get a whole new pretty perspective on the world!
xxmer


----------



## Brach311

Umm no. People would thing I was some perv trying to sneak a peek at all the ladies knickers


----------



## mergirl

Brach311 said:


> Umm no. People would thing I was some perv trying to sneak a peek at all the ladies knickers


and thats a bad thing how?
lmao
erm.. ok..my only other suggestion is that you stick some blue tack (do you get blue tack in the U.S? i bet its called something like erm "mega sticker gunk" or summit like that) to your shoes, while at the same time taking some vallium..which will give the illussion that your lady friend was much faster. (not that i'm advocating the use of drugs..drugs r bad m'kay... though vallium isnt really a REAL drug...its just a mergirls little helper!!..lmao.. oh wait i'm still inside a bracket..).


----------



## largenlovely

ROFLMAO...just WHERE are you taking this thread of mine...i think that's gonna be my new signature..we ARE talking about your cock right? hahahhaa



mergirl said:


> we are talking about your cock right?


----------



## mergirl

largenlovely said:


> ROFLMAO...just WHERE are you taking this thread of mine...i think that's gonna be my new signature..we ARE talking about your cock right? hahahhaa


muwahahahaha! oh please make that your signature!! "we are talking about your cock, right?"
erm..what were we actually talking about?
oh yeah! TOTALLY! i'm with ya there missus!
fat lovers need to be in touch with thier ..well fat lovers..
but i also think fatters need to be in touch with thier fa'ers who will obviously be all mental and happy that they are with a big chick/chap and flip out and forget sometimes all the things that fat chicks need..
its weird, cause the way everyone talks on this forum..is like the fa's are the wee kinna subserviant ones..who need to know all the fat chick "ways".. hmmm
i kinna posted a pissed off FA rant..but tis not relivant..
for here..i just want to lower the tone of your relivant post and talk about cocks!!
lmao
aye! show me the ham! (thats going to be my signature) lmao
xxmer


----------



## skinny4bigwoman

mergirl said:


> This is a brilliant thread! I think though, that its good to be aware of peoples needs in general, regardless of size.
> xxmer




That's right. This is good for anybody -- FA, BBW, SSBBW or even N/A. And really, every one of us has certain limitations. Take many cross-cultural relationships...I'm an English speaker, but being based in Asia, I've gone out with girls with lackluster English. Over the years, I've found out (the hard way) that she will very likely not enjoy herself if I take her to meet some other foreign friends of mine, and we are all hanging out and speaking English while I am occasionally translating a sentence for her, kind of like, "See, I'm paying attention to you. Okay, now where was I?"

Really, it's attitude that counts. In my non-FA / non-romantic experiences, I find that someone who fawns over me all the time as if I'm inept really gets on my nerves, even if it is suppposedly a cultural thing (the catch-all excuse). Likewise, SSBBWs may be big, but they're not freaks. And a patient SSBBW, I'll say, will excuse her clueless FA if he/she tries to make an effort to accomodate. Which shouldn't be all THAT hard...I mean, like anybody, we FAs really do want to get laid!


----------



## Brach311

So what would be a good bbw-mobile to kart my bbws around in?


----------



## Fuzzy Necromancer

largenlovely said:


> Though...it can be quite frustrating to see or hear of men who claim to be interested in dating an ssbbw only to find that they know nothing of the realities it entails...it makes a woman question whether or not they truly *are* interested in having a real life relationship, or if they are merely caught up in fantasy.



I'm sorry that's frustrating, but I don't think it implies they aren't interested in real relationships. I think it just means they aren't aware of some technical issues that would seem obvious to an ssbbw.


----------



## largenlovely

I know hon  just trying to help point some of them out



Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> I'm sorry that's frustrating, but I don't think it implies they aren't interested in real relationships. I think it just means they aren't aware of some technical issues that would seem obvious to an ssbbw.


----------



## D_A_Bunny

skinny4bigwoman said:


> Likewise, SSBBWs may be big, but they're not freaks. And a patient SSBBW, I'll say, will excuse her clueless FA if he/she tries to make an effort to accomodate. Which shouldn't be all THAT hard...I mean, like anybody, we FAs really do want to get laid!



HI! I don't really know you and I don't mean this to be judgemental, but I believe that the original topic was DATING an SSbbw and having a long term relationship. This is the intention for which I originally posted. I thought it was meant to be a helpful way to reach out to some of the FAs who would want some "insider" information that would possibly guide them when dating the SS woman of his choice.

I think that blatantly stating that you are merely willing to do these things so that you could "get laid" is quite disheartening. I hope that someday you might meet someone that you are genuinely interested in dating and spending time with. It could be one of the best things that happens to you, even better than getting laid.


----------



## TallFatSue

Great topic. When you get right down to it, though, two biggies in any long-term relationship are compatibility and communications. As a very tall very fat woman I have certain needs and limitations which my husband needs to know. Try as he might, he can't "just know" everything, so we've had a few less than pleasant situations from time to time. From time to time, I just have to politely but firmly state when there's a problem, and we deal with it. For the most part, he sure does ease the burden of my fat.

Several of you have mentioned fat-friendly cars, furniture etc. When Art & I first met millions and billions and trillions of years ago (before some of you were even born!) way back in 1977, he drove the _ne plus ultra_ of impressive cars, a 1974 Ford Maverick! When his carriage awaited on our first date I thought, oh crap, it's small and it's a 2-door! But then I realized ain't no way I'd ever sit in the back seat, so a nice big wide door might have some redeeming qualities, and to my pleasant surprise my bulky femininity fit relatively comfortably in the front passenger seat, provided it was almost flush with the back seat. Whew! One potential disaster averted. 

Bless his heart, when Art realized I was "the one", he had no idea how to deal with a girl my size, but he sure wanted to learn. He said that if I ever had a special need or couldn't do something, just tell him and he would take care of it, no questions asked. Welllll, actually many questions asked later, but methinx the only way he could truly know what it's like to be as fat as I am, is for him to live in my body for a week. I am delighted that he loves me for me, but I am also happy that he loves my fat too, because fat is 2/3 of my body.

After all the posts in this topic, methinx no one has mentioned the absolute bliss of an ecstatic full-body massage. It's hard work hauling around all this fat, and our legs, feet and backs can use some TLC at the end of a long day, if not the whole day long! :smitten:

Anyway, all you need to do is treat your SSBBW as you would any Empress, and all will be well.


----------



## UncannyBruceman

DumbAssBunny said:


> I think that blatantly stating that you are merely willing to do these things so that you could "get laid" is quite disheartening.



But at least he's honest about it and at least he does it...some guys just want to skip to the "get laid" part. Honestly, which is worse?


----------



## Ash

Brach311 said:


> So what would be a good bbw-mobile to kart my bbws around in?



Ice cream truck. Clearly!


----------



## D_A_Bunny

UncannyBruceman said:


> But at least he's honest about it and at least he does it...some guys just want to skip to the "get laid" part. Honestly, which is worse?



Oh Bruce, I don't know if he really does get it, or if he is just going to try and impress some poor unsuspectiing gal with his special knowledge and make her think he is something that he is not.

I am all for honesty and if indeed he is someone who honestly wants to date an SSBBW and nurture a relationship that may eventually include sex, then I say "go for it". I may just be looking at it from an old lady point of view with memories of a young fat girl not wanting to be taken advantage of, also.

I do not know this person and really do not mean him any harm. And I know that you are a good guy, so I will look at his honesty as a good point.

Sorry this went off topic, or maybe it actually wasn't. Oh well, back to dating tips.:happy:


----------



## LillyBBBW

DumbAssBunny said:


> HI! I don't really know you and I don't mean this to be judgemental, but I believe that the original topic was DATING an SSbbw and having a long term relationship. This is the intention for which I originally posted. I thought it was meant to be a helpful way to reach out to some of the FAs who would want some "insider" information that would possibly guide them when dating the SS woman of his choice.
> 
> I think that blatantly stating that you are merely willing to do these things so that you could "get laid" is quite disheartening. I hope that someday you might meet someone that you are genuinely interested in dating and spending time with. It could be one of the best things that happens to you, even better than getting laid.



I don't think skinny was saying he was only doing it to get laid. The last sentence came off very tongue in cheek to me. It's possible skinny didn't mean anything by it.


----------



## mergirl

DumbAssBunny said:


> HI! I don't really know you and I don't mean this to be judgemental, but I believe that the original topic was DATING an SSbbw and having a long term relationship. This is the intention for which I originally posted. I thought it was meant to be a helpful way to reach out to some of the FAs who would want some "insider" information that would possibly guide them when dating the SS woman of his choice.
> 
> I think that blatantly stating that you are merely willing to do these things so that you could "get laid" is quite disheartening. I hope that someday you might meet someone that you are genuinely interested in dating and spending time with. It could be one of the best things that happens to you, even better than getting laid.


erm..i'm sure some fat chicks/guys just want to get laid too sometimes! lol.. sometimes people just want casual sex without the rigmorole of "courting"! and some people arent looking for a relationship in that sense... 

xxmer (getting laid since 1992)


----------



## D_A_Bunny

LillyBBBW said:


> I don't think skinny was saying he was only doing it to get laid. The last sentence came off very tongue in cheek to me. It's possible skinny didn't mean anything by it.



I think I may have read that with a more protective eye given the atmosphere lately. I wouldn't want to be involved in teaching someone how to lure a big girl IF their only intentions were not fair and open.




mergirl said:


> erm..i'm sure some fat chicks/guys just want to get laid too sometimes! lol.. sometimes people just want casual sex without the rigmorole of "courting"! and some people arent looking for a relationship in that sense...
> 
> xxmer (getting laid since 1992)



I certainly can appreciate that, but thought that this *sticky* was to provide information for those wanting some good specifics when DATING an SSbbw. "Getting laid tips" might require a different sticky (pun intended).

Hey BGB, got any Cadbury Creme Eggs left?


----------



## mergirl

DumbAssBunny said:


> I think I may have read that with a more protective eye given the atmosphere lately. I wouldn't want to be involved in teaching someone how to lure a big girl IF their only intentions were not fair and open.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I certainly can appreciate that, but thought that this *sticky* was to provide information for those wanting some good specifics when DATING an SSbbw. "Getting laid tips" might require a different sticky (pun intended).
> 
> Hey BGB, got any Cadbury Creme Eggs left?


yes..lmao.. i feel a new thread comming (sic) on! muwahahaha

xxmer


----------



## Kortana

Has anyone seen the family guy episode where Peter Fattens up Lois?

(I have wanted to post it for some time but can't find it online anywhere)

Anyway- she gets fat, he ends up loving fat sex and then feeds her more. But before his realisation that he likes her fat, he is discusted by her and when they visit a restaurant he walks ahead of her pushing people out of the way to let her through- loudly making people aware she is larger and needs lots of room.

I would suggest anyone taking out a SSBBW- would avoid that tactic..I doubt you would get another date!


----------



## Blackjack

Kortana said:


> Has anyone seen the family guy episode where Peter Fattens up Lois?
> 
> (I have wanted to post it for some time but can't find it online anywhere)
> 
> Anyway- she gets fat, he ends up loving fat sex and then feeds her more. But before his realisation that he likes her fat, he is discusted by her and when they visit a restaurant he walks ahead of her pushing people out of the way to let her through- loudly making people aware she is larger and needs lots of room.
> 
> I would suggest anyone taking out a SSBBW- would avoid that tactic..I doubt you would get another date!



Really, if you're taking life lessons from Peter Griffin, you have some serious issues and probably shouldn't be taking _anyone_ out on a date.


----------



## Kortana

Blackjack said:


> Really, if you're taking life lessons from Peter Griffin, you have some serious issues and probably shouldn't be taking _anyone_ out on a date.



True enough, but I have been on enough bad dates to know that nothing ever surprises me. I once had a guy ask me to pay for more than half of the serving of nachos we had because "I ate more". 

(needless to say I was un-impressed)


----------



## mergirl

Kortana said:


> Has anyone seen the family guy episode where Peter Fattens up Lois?
> 
> (I have wanted to post it for some time but can't find it online anywhere)
> 
> Anyway- she gets fat, he ends up loving fat sex and then feeds her more. But before his realisation that he likes her fat, he is discusted by her and when they visit a restaurant he walks ahead of her pushing people out of the way to let her through- loudly making people aware she is larger and needs lots of room.
> 
> I would suggest anyone taking out a SSBBW- would avoid that tactic..I doubt you would get another date!


haha.. yes.. i love family guy...BUT... although he is all "fat wife comming through" to begin with.. you might remember that he ends up saying "fat sex is the best sex ever" and tries to fatten her up more...
and then at the end is caught humping a bag of lipo'd fat in a cupboard...which is not so much a date as a "cartoon experience".. lmao
i would be interested to know if that was an ACTUAL fantasy! lmao.. like..ive heard of "fetishists" who objectify fat... why not go the whole hog and take the person right out the picture!!?

xmer (you do know i'm joking right.. just imagine me with a raised eyebrow and a slightly ironic smile..)


----------



## mergirl

Kortana said:


> True enough, but I have been on enough bad dates to know that nothing ever surprises me. I once had a guy ask me to pay for more than half of the serving of nachos we had because "I ate more".
> 
> (needless to say I was un-impressed)


lmao.. thats SO funny... well probably not at the time.. how tight can someone be??!!
i think bad dates are a universal thing and so are dates who are oblivious to how the other person is feeling.. 
hmmm..i think i will start a post about what people think the PERFECT date would be..

xxmer


----------



## MissToodles

Don't point out the negative things one's family and/or friends may say. It's not important anyway and why let your s.o. know?


----------



## JayInBuff

Kortana said:


> True enough, but I have been on enough bad dates to know that nothing ever surprises me. I once had a guy ask me to pay for more than half of the serving of nachos we had because "I ate more".
> 
> (needless to say I was un-impressed)



I had 12 chips and you had 16 chips so you owe 16/28 of the cost. Since they were $5.99, you owe 3.42, and I owe $2.57. Wait, how much of the cheese did you have on each nacho?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Personally, I would have paid for the whole damn thing and never spoke to him again.



But then again, I have paid for "bad dates" as a point of pride. It's my polite way of saying "fuck off" when I'm miffed......


----------



## Kortana

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Personally, I would have paid for the whole damn thing and never spoke to him again.
> 
> 
> 
> But then again, I have paid for "bad dates" as a point of pride. It's my polite way of saying "fuck off" when I'm miffed......



I was so confused and thought it was a joke. When I realized it wasn't I just threw a $20 on the table and said I had to go.

Blah...you learn!


----------



## largenlovely

holy crap that IS a bad date lol

oh oh oh...this is a new thread.....lol



Kortana said:


> True enough, but I have been on enough bad dates to know that nothing ever surprises me. I once had a guy ask me to pay for more than half of the serving of nachos we had because "I ate more".
> 
> (needless to say I was un-impressed)


----------



## Raqui

Girl you need to do a largeincharge show with me about that for the radio. What do you say? email me [email protected]


----------



## largenlovely

I would LOVE to do that!!!...i'm emailing ya right now 



Raqui said:


> Girl you need to do a largeincharge show with me about that for the radio. What do you say? email me [email protected]


----------



## op user

I seriously don't see a lot of differences between dating a SSBBW and a normal size or BBW. Once a couple starts dating they have to learn their idiosyncrasies, what they hate, what they love. If a guy decides to date a SSBBW (and he intends to do for a serious length of time and not get bored with the whole dating idea) it is clear he is a FA (or a FA to be) and he would be willing to learn the particular issues associated with a SSBBW. 
The fist date might be strange if they go somewhere where she does not fit but in general it is always good to have an alternate plan. The same goes for the car most cars can be accommodating but uncomfortable and I am sure some tolerance can be achieved.
Similarly the furniture issue, I don't see it as something hyper critical. I mean in every flat there is a piece of furniture that can hold the weight of a SSBBW and if the relation develops why not make the replacement of the furniture a part of their common activities. I am sure a good piece of furniture is good for everyone.

What do I see wrong?

op user


----------



## fatchicksrockuk

op user said:


> I seriously don't see a lot of differences between dating a SSBBW and a normal size or BBW. Once a couple starts dating they have to learn their idiosyncrasies, what they hate, what they love. If a guy decides to date a SSBBW (and he intends to do for a serious length of time and not get bored with the whole dating idea) it is clear he is a FA (or a FA to be) and he would be willing to learn the particular issues associated with a SSBBW.
> The fist date might be strange if they go somewhere where she does not fit but in general it is always good to have an alternate plan. The same goes for the car most cars can be accommodating but uncomfortable and I am sure some tolerance can be achieved.
> Similarly the furniture issue, I don't see it as something hyper critical. I mean in every flat there is a piece of furniture that can hold the weight of a SSBBW and if the relation develops why not make the replacement of the furniture a part of their common activities. I am sure a good piece of furniture is good for everyone.
> 
> What do I see wrong?
> 
> op user



Wrong. There are a lot of differences. Going into relationships with this attitude is likely to hurt and upset any potential partner.


----------



## largenlovely

I think you're right it does have that potential. A lot of supersized women aren't comfortable with their needs...much less with expressing them on their first date lol. Likes and dislikes are totally different from needs...there are basic issues that almost all ssbbw's have to deal with. Things i never had to think about as a bbw. I was just fortunate enough to fall in love with a man who knew ahead of time. Which..is what this thread is about  educating men ahead of time. 



fatchicksrockuk said:


> Wrong. There are a lot of differences. Going into relationships with this attitude is likely to hurt and upset any potential partner.


----------



## LillyBBBW

op user said:


> I seriously don't see a lot of differences between dating a SSBBW and a normal size or BBW. Once a couple starts dating they have to learn their idiosyncrasies, what they hate, what they love. If a guy decides to date a SSBBW (and he intends to do for a serious length of time and not get bored with the whole dating idea) it is clear he is a FA (or a FA to be) and he would be willing to learn the particular issues associated with a SSBBW.
> The fist date might be strange if they go somewhere where she does not fit but in general it is always good to have an alternate plan. The same goes for the car most cars can be accommodating but uncomfortable and I am sure some tolerance can be achieved.
> Similarly the furniture issue, I don't see it as something hyper critical. I mean in every flat there is a piece of furniture that can hold the weight of a SSBBW and if the relation develops why not make the replacement of the furniture a part of their common activities. I am sure a good piece of furniture is good for everyone.
> 
> What do I see wrong?
> 
> op user



Do you really want to go into a relationship where every step you take there's an incident or a ceremony? The car's too small, the furniture too weak, the restaurant too far, the stairs too steep, the line too long, the aisles too narrow, the bed too weak, etc. etc. No sooner do you begin to get a nice feeling going with her then you come to another speed bump that's an embarassment to both of you. It steals from the great time you *should* be having instead of having to flinch past another obstacle. If you can do a little bit of something to prepare for a scenario so that it lessens the urgency you may have to face when/if you do meet a ssbbw then why not? 

And before you even go there, if you're thinking, "Yeah, but I may not ever date a SSBBW ever," then this thread isn't speaking to you anyway.


----------



## Kortana

LillyBBBW said:


> Do you really want to go into a relationship where every step you take there's an incident or a ceremony? The car's too small, the furniture too weak, the restaurant too far, the stairs too steep, the line too long, the aisles too narrow, the bed too weak, etc. etc. No sooner do you begin to get a nice feeling going with her then you come to another speed bump that's an embarassment to both of you. It steals from the great time you *should* be having instead of having to flinch past another obstacle. If you can do a little bit of something to prepare for a scenario so that it lessens the urgency you may have to face when/if you do meet a ssbbw then why not?
> 
> And before you even go there, if you're thinking, "Yeah, but I may not ever date a SSBBW ever," then this thread isn't speaking to you anyway.



You said it Sister!

Just alittle public rep. on this post!


----------



## Raqui

Kortana said:


> I was so confused and thought it was a joke. When I realized it wasn't I just threw a $20 on the table and said I had to go.
> 
> Blah...you learn!



Girl you are good I would have smashed the left over nacho plate in his face and screamed out. YOUR TELLING ME YOU WANT ME TO PAY FOR THE CHIPS I ATE!!!! WHAT KIND OF DATE ARE YOU!!!! and walked out. LOL


----------



## NYSquashee

My ego won't allow me to admit I learned anything from this thread, but I'm glad it was around. Very interesting reading, and incredibly well thought out on the parts of some of you lovely women.


----------



## pendulous

NYSquashee said:


> My ego won't allow me to admit I learned anything from this thread



I like your honesty


----------



## Kortana

Raqui said:


> Girl you are good I would have smashed the left over nacho plate in his face and screamed out. YOUR TELLING ME YOU WANT ME TO PAY FOR THE CHIPS I ATE!!!! WHAT KIND OF DATE ARE YOU!!!! and walked out. LOL



And THAT is why you are the Queen!


----------



## Duniwin

I lot of good information in this thread. 
I'm glad it was posted and that I read it!


----------



## op user

LillyBBBW said:


> Do you really want to go into a relationship where every step you take there's an incident or a ceremony? The car's too small, the furniture too weak, the restaurant too far, the stairs too steep, the line too long, the aisles too narrow, the bed too weak, etc. etc. No sooner do you begin to get a nice feeling going with her then you come to another speed bump that's an embarassment to both of you. It steals from the great time you *should* be having instead of having to flinch past another obstacle. If you can do a little bit of something to prepare for a scenario so that it lessens the urgency you may have to face when/if you do meet a ssbbw then why not?
> 
> And before you even go there, if you're thinking, "Yeah, but I may not ever date a SSBBW ever," then this thread isn't speaking to you anyway.



Lilly and all,


Let me answer your very valid points. I was wrong referring to replacing a broken piece of furniture as a ceremony. And you are right about the preparing part. Although I can't imagine a bed to break that easily. I have the same IKEA bed with one used for some shots of a SSBBW and I have thrown a BBW on it and it did not bulge.

However I still think communication is important. I understand that a SSBBW where a BBW can fit easily and a date going bad because of poor planning is a major turn off. And I wouldn't realize before this thread. However I do expect a SSBBW to make her inputs and I disagree about the speed bump in some cases. By showing everyday some support she would start feeling more comfortable. And when things turn bad some ingenuity can help a lot.

Anyway thanks for the useful insight, I hope it will be useful soon.

op user


----------



## AnnMarie

op user said:


> I have the same IKEA bed with one used for some shots of a SSBBW and I have thrown a BBW on it and it did not bulge.



It's a cumulative issue... I've had my bed for over a year (Ikea) and while it's "ok"... I've already reinforced my side with a small pile of hard cover books under the side, and it's getting worse every month or so. It will fail... just a matter of when.


----------



## gunther

I want to make dating an SSBBW a reality. My last girlfriend was only a BBW, thus I'm looking to upgrade.


----------



## Suze

gunther said:


> I want to make dating an SSBBW a reality. *My last girlfriend was only a BBW, thus I'm looking to upgrade*.



that's a bit offending actually.
sounds to me like you're saying bbws aren't "good enough". i might just be tired, though.


----------



## SocialbFly

gunther said:


> I want to make dating an SSBBW a reality. My last girlfriend was only a BBW, thus I'm looking to upgrade.



No, i think anyone who is "only" a BBW might be offended at the thought that a SSBBW is an upgrade, but then, i am not a rental car either...


----------



## LillyBBBW

op user said:


> Lilly and all,
> 
> 
> Let me answer your very valid points. I was wrong referring to replacing a broken piece of furniture as a ceremony. And you are right about the preparing part. Although I can't imagine a bed to break that easily. I have the same IKEA bed with one used for some shots of a SSBBW and I have thrown a BBW on it and it did not bulge.
> 
> However I still think communication is important. I understand that a SSBBW where a BBW can fit easily and a date going bad because of poor planning is a major turn off. And I wouldn't realize before this thread. However I do expect a SSBBW to make her inputs and I disagree about the speed bump in some cases. By showing everyday some support she would start feeling more comfortable. And when things turn bad some ingenuity can help a lot.
> 
> Anyway thanks for the useful insight, I hope it will be useful soon.
> 
> op user



I've broken a bed before, twice. I went to sit on the edge of my friend's bed and the leg buckled and caved in right under us sending us toppling to the floor. My platform bed collapsed during an intimate moment that killed the mood completely dead. Same thing happend on the couch and my bf never visited again. He felt horribly at fault like he was a big lumbering galloot who busted up my furniture even though I outweighed him by at least 80 pounds and the furniture was cheap and old. I tried to tell him this but he just couldn't shake the feeling of embarassment. We were lucky we weren't injured.

I hear what you're saying and it all sounds really well adjusted, congenial and simple but it really isn't. That's what we're trying to tell you.


----------



## Duniwin

gunther said:


> I want to make dating an SSBBW a reality. My last girlfriend was only a BBW, thus I'm looking to upgrade.





susieQ said:


> that's a bit offending actually.
> sounds to me like you're saying bbws aren't "good enough". i might just be tired, though.



I think it was an attempt at a joke... at least I _hope _so. The alternative is worse.


----------



## Ample Pie

Knowing Gunther as I do, I can vouch for the fact that he was in no way attempting to offend or shortchange BBWs. Gunth is and has been a solid fan of the fat form and supporters of all BBWs (SS and non) for the many years I've known him.

Though, yeah, it is just one more way to set BBWs and SSBBWs against each other and that is totally not what's needed.


----------



## gunther

susieQ said:


> that's a bit offending actually.
> sounds to me like you're saying bbws aren't "good enough". i might just be tired, though.



Yes, you were tired.


----------



## Suze

gunther said:


> Yes, you were tired.



good to know.


----------



## Santaclear

I'm feeling kinda tired myself.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Santaclear said:


> I'm feeling kinda tired myself.




WTF????


----------



## op user

Back in the late 90's there was a list on one of the BBW sites about 10 things to do (and I think not to do) when to date a SSBBW. If I remember correctly it included having the seat of the car pull all the way back and bring an extender...

Does any one remember it? 

Lillybbw, I got your point and I feel you are right. I think it would be much different if the problems are frequent (tight spaces etc) and that may hurt the relation...

Hoping to have a SSBBW soon to make the best use of this thread.


op user


----------



## ThinkingFA

This is even a good thread for guys like me who have encouraged their women to gain or gain more. I've been married 17 years. For my wife, going from 200-300 didn't really produce that much change early on. Then she went from 30 to 40 to 45. While I can never have complete empathy for what it's like to live in her bounteous body, I'm starting to have similar experiences with pain, energy level, motivation now that I'm approaching 42. For example, it takes a good full day to recover from mowing the lawn. 

I still have active fantasies about her gaining to 400 lbs or beyond. I still encourage from time to time. Reading this thread has helped me look at things from a new perspective, though. I used to think that going from 300 to 400 would be nothing, just like going from 200 to 300 was. Much of that belief was fueled by seeing all the active SSBBW's here who talked about how much they loved their size and rarely touched on the downside.

Sure I'm familiar with the problems of booths, seatbelts, airplanes, tight restaurant layout, etc. It would be sad if I didn't get it after 17 years. As a side note, we both love Buffalo Wild Wings, but it really is a pain in the ass for her to move around in. We both love Disney World, and fortunately she hasn't been too fat for any of her favorite rides, but all the walking can make her pretty damn crabby. That goes double if I've gone into knucklehead mode and walked far ahead of her. Fortunately, she's not hard to spot in a crowd. If it's over 80 degrees out, her luscious ass is hanging out by the pool with a couple of margaritas.

I've learned to live in a house cold enough to hang meat in. I've learned to clean bathrooms because it's too hard for her to be on her knees for a long time. I've learned to drop her in front of just about any place we go, especially if it's hot outside. We manage our money from a budget, and I've learned to budget more for clothes because she wears pants out between the legs quite regularly. 

I've also learned that my wife isn't an object, toy or blow-up doll. Sex is a wonderful thing, but it's not her purpose in life to be one thing or another for my amusement. After all, sex only lasts about 6 or 8 hours at a time. There's a whole lot of living to be done after that. For all those wannabe SSBBW daters out there, I think the point of Melissa's post is that fantasies and/or physical preferences are fine. Living them out is fine, too. It's just that fantasies and preferences come with strings attached, like it or not.


----------



## Robbie G.

I've dated only big girls for as long as I can remember. All of the suggestions given here valid. It's part of the whole package and I've done most of them for her because I know how important it is to her that you understand and respect how she feels in a particular situation. I've tied shoe laces, helped with clothing, and always kept an eye out for obsticles. Big girls are special. If you think your bbw or ssbbw date is going to move about like some skinny, you're wrong. Think about it. Big girls appreciate a gentleman.


----------



## ampleampleample

largenlovely said:


> i love love love scooters!!! Me and Bruce have discussed buying one (or renting if we gotta) so we can go do certain things.
> 
> My problem..sadly i don't have insurance  I had it long enough to find out that i ripped my ACL and that the doctor refused to do surgery on me cuz of my size. Though, this is definitely something to think of when i do have insurance next!! Also, we've talked with Heather about this and she said that you can get them on ebay relatively cheap. So we've been looking into that. .. but yessireee bob..i'm all about the scooters hehe



I've been a "lurker" on this site for some time and finally found a post I felt qualified to weigh in on.

I had a long distance relationship with a SSBBW a number of years ago. When we were together I would offer to let her off at the door or get a scooter for her when we went into a store. Even though walking these distances were quite hard on her, she almost always refused. Her reasoning was one burns a lot of calories when you are carrying around 400 or 600 pounds. When you start relying on a scooter to get around you stop burning those calories and unless you change you're diet, you going to gain a lot of weight which isn't what you necessarily want if you are over 600 pounds, which she came to be anyway, or are having mobility problems as it is.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

ripley said:


> Fixed that for ya.




Lol....I wasn't going to mention it myself......


----------



## KuroBara

ampleampleample said:


> I've been a "lurker" on this site for some time and finally found a post I felt qualified to weigh in on.
> 
> I had a long distance relationship with a SSBBW a number of years ago. When we were together I would offer to let her off at the door or get a scooter for her when we went into a store. Even though walking these distances were quite hard on her, she almost always refused. Her reasoning was one burns a lot of calories when you are carrying around 400 or 600 pounds. When you start relying on a scooter to get around you stop burning those calories and unless you change you're diet, you going to gain a lot of weight which isn't what you necessarily want if you are over 600 pounds, which she came to be anyway, or are having mobility problems as it is.


I was trying to reach you by PM, but you don't seem to get them. What part of TN you in?


----------



## SocialbFly

ThinkingFA said:


> This is even a good thread for guys like me who have encouraged their women to gain or gain more. I've been married 17 years. For my wife, going from 200-300 didn't really produce that much change early on. Then she went from 30 to 40 to 45. While I can never have complete empathy for what it's like to live in her bounteous body, I'm starting to have similar experiences with pain, energy level, motivation now that I'm approaching 42. For example, it takes a good full day to recover from mowing the lawn.
> 
> I still have active fantasies about her gaining to 400 lbs or beyond. I still encourage from time to time. Reading this thread has helped me look at things from a new perspective, though. I used to think that going from 300 to 400 would be nothing, just like going from 200 to 300 was. Much of that belief was fueled by seeing all the active SSBBW's here who talked about how much they loved their size and rarely touched on the downside.
> 
> Sure I'm familiar with the problems of booths, seatbelts, airplanes, tight restaurant layout, etc. It would be sad if I didn't get it after 17 years. As a side note, we both love Buffalo Wild Wings, but it really is a pain in the ass for her to move around in. We both love Disney World, and fortunately she hasn't been too fat for any of her favorite rides, but all the walking can make her pretty damn crabby. That goes double if I've gone into knucklehead mode and walked far ahead of her. Fortunately, she's not hard to spot in a crowd. If it's over 80 degrees out, her luscious ass is hanging out by the pool with a couple of margaritas.
> 
> I've learned to live in a house cold enough to hang meat in. I've learned to clean bathrooms because it's too hard for her to be on her knees for a long time. I've learned to drop her in front of just about any place we go, especially if it's hot outside. We manage our money from a budget, and I've learned to budget more for clothes because she wears pants out between the legs quite regularly.
> 
> I've also learned that my wife isn't an object, toy or blow-up doll. Sex is a wonderful thing, but it's not her purpose in life to be one thing or another for my amusement. After all, sex only lasts about 6 or 8 hours at a time. There's a whole lot of living to be done after that. For all those wannabe SSBBW daters out there, I think the point of Melissa's post is that fantasies and/or physical preferences are fine. Living them out is fine, too. It's just that fantasies and preferences come with strings attached, like it or not.




i loved your post and i have to say, i feel you "get it".


----------



## BeaBea

op user said:


> I seriously don't see a lot of differences between dating a SSBBW and a normal size or BBW...
> 
> The fist date might be strange if they go somewhere where she does not fit...
> most cars can be accommodating but uncomfortable...
> Similarly the furniture issue, I don't see it as something hyper critical....
> What do I see wrong?
> op user



Sorry to butcher your post like this Op User but it seems to me that you are missing a fairly major point here.

It's not the 'reality' of not fitting into places and breaking furniture that is difficult to manage when you are Super Sized - it's the 'fear' of it all.

The anxiety, stress and fear are what makes us want to stay home and not step outside our comfort zones. You might not want to think about whether your date will fit into your car or not until it's actually a problem but the truth is that she will have been thinking about it from the second you asked her out. You might think that coming up with a Plan B on the spur of the moment is the sensible thing to do but you can bet your ass she will have already thought up plans B through to Z and a few more besides. Granted as you gain your confidence the situations that the world offers you as an SS sized person become less significant and obstacles can become more like adventures but even so, it's good to know that someone else recognises the uncertainty that is a huge part of every day life and is taking active steps to make you feel secure. 

If you really think something as fundamental as removing the stress and anxiety from your SS sized dates life is not 'hyper-critical' then, ummm, please dont ask me out!

Tracey xx


----------



## mergirl

BeaBea said:


> Sorry to butcher your post like this Op User but it seems to me that you are missing a fairly major point here.
> 
> It's not the 'reality' of not fitting into places and breaking furniture that is difficult to manage when you are Super Sized - it's the 'fear' of it all.
> 
> The anxiety, stress and fear are what makes us want to stay home and not step outside our comfort zones. You might not want to think about whether your date will fit into your car or not until it's actually a problem but the truth is that she will have been thinking about it from the second you asked her out. You might think that coming up with a Plan B on the spur of the moment is the sensible thing to do but you can bet your ass she will have already thought up plans B through to Z and a few more besides. Granted as you gain your confidence the situations that the world offers you as an SS sized person become less significant and obstacles can become more like adventures but even so, it's good to know that someone else recognises the uncertainty that is a huge part of every day life and is taking active steps to make you feel secure.
> 
> If you really think something as fundamental as removing the stress and anxiety from your SS sized dates life is not 'hyper-critical' then, ummm, please dont ask me out!
> 
> Tracey xx


i hear you TOTALLY! 
I think its just common good manners to think about the comfort of your date no matter what size they are but obviously there are some things that you need to be mindful of when you are dating a ssbbw that would differ than if you were dating someone smaller.
The thing is though, i would find it difficult to broach the subject of things like forward planning when going to places with my actual date. Generally i would flap about getting myself all worried all the while being constantly aware of potential situations which would make my date feel uncomfortable but i dont think these are worries i would share with my date (especially if we hadnt known each other for that long) because i would be frightened that she would feel sensitive about her size and would take offence. I think it would get better the longer you know someone, my partner now would maby say stuff like "i'm not comfortable doing stuff like that because i'm afraid i wouldnt be able to fit etc and i would feel embarressed" Then i can say well, we can look at alternatives or in some cases i can reasure her that weight wouldnt be an issue in that particular situation. 
I think it can be quite hard to assess though, particularaly the things that a ssbbw date wouldnt be comfortable doing for psychological reasons. Its hard to have theory of mind at all times and it would be amazing if ssbbw's would just say what they are and arnt comfortable doing, though i have known people who would be embarresed to admit to things like that too.
Its a tricky issue, because on one hand you want to be thoughtful and mindful of a partners needs but on the other you dont want to feel that you are worrying all the time and you dont want to feel that they are either. Honesty is always good but sometimes you get scared you might offend someone even when they might be worrying about the same things..
hmm yup!

x mer


----------



## ampleampleample

mergirl said:


> i hear you TOTALLY!
> I think its just common good manners to think about the comfort of your date no matter what size they are but obviously there are some things that you need to be mindful of when you are dating a ssbbw that would differ than if you were dating someone smaller.
> The thing is though, i would find it difficult to broach the subject of things like forward planning when going to places with my actual date. Generally i would flap about getting myself all worried all the while being constantly aware of potential situations which would make my date feel uncomfortable but i dont think these are worries i would share with my date (especially if we hadnt known each other for that long) because i would be frightened that she would feel sensitive about her size and would take offence. I think it would get better the longer you know someone, my partner now would maby say stuff like "i'm not comfortable doing stuff like that because i'm afraid i wouldnt be able to fit etc and i would feel embarressed" Then i can say well, we can look at alternatives or in some cases i can reasure her that weight wouldnt be an issue in that particular situation.
> I think it can be quite hard to assess though, particularaly the things that a ssbbw date wouldnt be comfortable doing for psychological reasons. Its hard to have theory of mind at all times and it would be amazing if ssbbw's would just say what they are and arnt comfortable doing, though i have known people who would be embarresed to admit to things like that too.
> Its a tricky issue, because on one hand you want to be thoughtful and mindful of a partners needs but on the other you dont want to feel that you are worrying all the time and you dont want to feel that they are either. Honesty is always good but sometimes you get scared you might offend someone even when they might be worrying about the same things..
> hmm yup!
> 
> x mer



In the few relationships I've had with SS women I was fortunate in that they were out of town customers of mine so I was always in their territory so they determined where we went. Secondly, and I don't think you can underestimate this enough, they were exceedingly self-confident, which is the kind of women Im often attracted to, so any situation they did get in, or I as a novice put them in, they were able to handle.

One was very pear shaped at 520 or so pounds and often liked making a spectacle out of her inability to do some things. With everyone looking, she would try to fit in a booth she knew she couldnt fit in, etc. 

The second went from around 425 when we first met to well over 600. We became quite intimate over time and yes, the longer you know a woman the more responsibility you have to cater to her needs and you have to make sure she knows you recognize her needs. Even then, especially toward the end of our relationship, it was impossible not to get into compromising, or for more self-conscious people, embarrassing situations quite often. But she always took it in stride or laughed it off as it came with the territory and viewed it as her choice to be this way. The only thing that truly bothered her was it was hard to get people take you seriously and thus maintain your dignity when youre that size. Less anyone get the wrong idea, the relationship ending had nothing to do with her size it was just that she was from a small town in LA working for her Dad and didnt want to leave and I didnt want to live in that environment.


----------



## BeaBea

ampleampleample said:


> The only thing that truly bothered her was it was hard to get people take you seriously and thus maintain your dignity when you’re that size.



I accept that this might be something that she (and you) sincerely believe but please dont state this as a general fact as it's definitely not my experience. 

I run my own business but I also give presentations and run seminars on the care of Supersized Patients for people from the Medical professions. I can assure you that I dont have any problems at all being taken very seriously indeed. I'm the first to admit that I can be a complete ass from time to time and occasionally have problems maintaining my dignity :doh: but that has nothing to do with (500lbs+) weight.

Tracey


----------



## SocialbFly

BeaBea said:


> Sorry to butcher your post like this Op User but it seems to me that you are missing a fairly major point here.
> 
> It's not the 'reality' of not fitting into places and breaking furniture that is difficult to manage when you are Super Sized - it's the 'fear' of it all.
> 
> The anxiety, stress and fear are what makes us want to stay home and not step outside our comfort zones. You might not want to think about whether your date will fit into your car or not until it's actually a problem but the truth is that she will have been thinking about it from the second you asked her out. You might think that coming up with a Plan B on the spur of the moment is the sensible thing to do but you can bet your ass she will have already thought up plans B through to Z and a few more besides. Granted as you gain your confidence the situations that the world offers you as an SS sized person become less significant and obstacles can become more like adventures but even so, it's good to know that someone else recognises the uncertainty that is a huge part of every day life and is taking active steps to make you feel secure.
> 
> If you really think something as fundamental as removing the stress and anxiety from your SS sized dates life is not 'hyper-critical' then, ummm, please dont ask me out!
> 
> Tracey xx





Ohh Tracey, i think you hit the nail right on the head with this post, i promise you, that is how i think too...and while many a die hard FA loves to see us fat women get into tight places, or how we manage when we are SS...i promise you, that is a joy i dont share...i hate for example when i go somehwere and while they have chairs with no arms, they are so flimsy, i am afraid to sit, or i hate when they pull up to drive in a car that has MINI all over it (ha, no reference to the car minicooper or to Mini the guy) or when they tell you, it is only a 5 minute walk....whose 5 minutes?? a marathon sprinter or me? I know when people date there are so many anxieties, but to me, this adds a whole other layer to it...know what i mean?


----------



## wistful

ThinkingFA said:


> After all, sex only lasts about 6 or 8 hours at a time.




ThinkingFA, your whole post was well thought out and I agree that you seem to have a firm grasp on the realities of being with a larger woman.Your love for your partner really shines through.However, I cannot let the above quote go unnoticed..Your wife is a lucky woman..tired perhaps but lucky. 

Signed,
Not getting any let alone 6 hours worth.


----------



## BBWDREAMLOVER

DumbAssBunny said:


> I think that this thread can totally turn into something that can be very informative if it remains openminded and allows for the fact that sometimes things need to actually be put into action for some people to figure out how they work.
> 
> I personally don't think that just because a guy hasn't figured out all of the details of dating an SSBBW, that he isn't willing to learn.
> 
> Some things my husband had already thought about when dating a large woman and some things were learn as you go. We have been together for almost 18 years and he still "forgets" certain things. So, as an openminded friendly gesture to any person who may want some tips, here are just a few.
> 
> THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WHEN SPENDING TIME WITH A BIG GIRL:
> 
> - Seating is VERY important. It should be armless and/or roomy. Sturdy and comfortable. If you are going to an event or place that you are not sure about, call ahead. She will appreciate it.
> 
> - Aisles - sometimes they are just too small. And these include the spaces between tables at a restaurant. Again, visit ahead or call. And going somewhere tried and true is usually best.
> 
> - Walking long distances, for some, it is just not going to happen (like me). Bring her to the door and then park the car or accomodate in some other fashion. Keep in mind, she will not want to be left at the door for long, so quick foot it back or make sure there is an available bench outside.
> 
> - Consider taking a scenic drive as an alternative. Some of the best times that I have had with my husband are when we choose a location, not too far away, and drive there. We look around, find a nice spot to get out or just stay in the car and possibly catch the sunset.
> 
> - Keep a folding, sturdy chair in your trunk for moments that require a seat and one is not available. Maybe at a park or somewhere else along the way.
> 
> - Communicate with your gal. Tell her that you are interested in making her feel comfortable and safe at all times. Ask her if there is anything specific that she would like. Maybe you cannot do it at that moment, but you can plan it for the future. Believe me, listening to what your girl wants and then providing it in the future works for ALL men.
> 
> - Food. This is a tricky subject. You want to be able to express to her that she should feel comfortable having whatever and how much she wants. Unless you have started this relationship with food as your main objective, I think this may be one of the most difficult situations. This is sort of an individual thing, but also a great way to get closer to someone. Anytime you are in a relationship and try to please someone and make them feel comfortable, it usually works to bring the two people closer. My suggestion would be that you don't bring TOO much attention to the situation but make a general statement that appetites are good, or the food here is great, let US enjoy it. And for me personally, hubby always got major points for bringing me treats since I LOVE food and have a sweet tooth.
> 
> - Home furniture - keep in mind that your lady may need assistance getting off that sofa that has sucked her in. Be ready to offer a helping hand.
> 
> - Temperature - I am usually hotter than others I am with. So, if she seems hot, she is. Turn on the a/c, the fan, whatever. She will not want to perspire in front of you, but onto the next thing -
> 
> - Sweat - women do it. Most large women do it. It is natural and it is going to happen. Also, she will probably be trying to impress you with her hair and clothes and be anxious. Keep the temp. cool.
> 
> - Time - I personally take longer to do the average things required. Be patient and accomodate for the add'l time required.
> 
> - Stairs - I LOVE Florida because there are not many stairs. However, in most places there are. If at all possible, limit the amount of stairs she will need to walk, or better yet, see if there is an elevator she (and you) can use instead. Or, be considerate if she needs to take them slow or is hesitant about being in a crowd while using them.
> 
> - Elevators, if you are going on an elevator together, she may choose to take the next one if it already seems a bit crowded, don't push her, physically or verbally to use THAT one. The next one will come along soon enough. While you are waiting may be a good time to give a great smile, squeeze her hand or catch a smooch.
> 
> - What I call, I will wait in the car. If you need to "run in" somewhere, like to pick up liquor, a movie, the takeout food, she may be more inclined to WAIT IN THE CAR. Some will, some won't, again, communicate. If she is not going to enjoy getting in and out of the car and/or enjoy going in the place, for me it's like, why bother. That is just one of the benefits of having a willing and knowledgeable FA by my side.
> 
> These suggestions are just that. And they are things that pertain to me and may not all pertain to the woman in your life. I do believe that any person who is starting a relationship or continuing in one will benefit from the two most important things - communication and consideration.
> 
> If I haven't bored you all and I think of anything else, I will post more later. To the ladies, I hope that nothing I have posted seems insulting or derogatory. To me, these are only facts of life and if someone has the right intentions then I am willing to share.
> 
> Hugs!


ok I'm printing this and given it to the next guy I date lol


----------



## BBWDREAMLOVER

DumbAssBunny said:


> If I may tell a personal story that meant alot to me.
> 
> Many years ago, my sister in law was graduating with her Masters. The actual graduation was on a weekday and only my inlaws went, but we were all going out to a restaurant after dinner to celebrate. It was one that noone had been to yet.
> Although my inlaws obviously knew I was fat, we had only begun using the term "fat friendly" in front of them awhile before that, to make them aware of certain things that affected me specifically.
> Well, to my great surprise, they were "aware" enough to go to the restaurant a week ahead and scout it out. When they called to invite us, they also stated, "and we went there in person to make the reservations. The table we are getting is very roomy and accessable and the chairs are armless, wood chairs."
> I was jumping up and down with joy. They actually went out of their way to do this and it proved that they "got it".
> That was one of the best dinners I ever had.


Wow that was a awesome thing to do


----------



## thatgirl08

BeaBea said:


> The anxiety, stress and fear are what makes us want to stay home and not step outside our comfort zones. You might not want to think about whether your date will fit into your car or not until it's actually a problem but the truth is that she will have been thinking about it from the second you asked her out. You might think that coming up with a Plan B on the spur of the moment is the sensible thing to do but you can bet your ass she will have already thought up plans B through to Z and a few more besides. Granted as you gain your confidence the situations that the world offers you as an SS sized person become less significant and obstacles can become more like adventures but even so, it's good to know that someone else recognises the uncertainty that is a huge part of every day life and is taking active steps to make you feel secure.




I just wanted to say AMEN to this because as soon as I read the original post, this was the first thing I thought of. I don't think I'd really be considered SS by most peoples standards [I'm around 300] but I still face a lot of these similar problems and definitely the anxiety that comes from it. Even at my size, which is smaller than a lot of people on this board, there are definitely still resturants I don't like to go to and amusement park rides I can ride and to be honest, I try to avoid riding a plane at all because most of the time, unless I'm in a large plane, I have to ask for a seatbelt extender. I think a lot of people don't realize what bigger people go through on a regular basis because they simply, just don't enounter the same problems.


----------



## ripley

thatgirl08 said:


> I just wanted to say AMEN to this because as soon as I read the original post, this was the first thing I thought of. I don't think I'd really be considered SS by most peoples standards [I'm around 300] but I still face a lot of these similar problems and definitely the anxiety that comes from it. Even at my size, which is smaller than a lot of people on this board, there are definitely still resturants I don't like to go to and amusement park rides I can ride and to be honest, I try to avoid riding a plane at all because most of the time, unless I'm in a large plane, I have to ask for a seatbelt extender. I think a lot of people don't realize what bigger people go through on a regular basis because they simply, just don't enounter the same problems.



I was so nervous when I flew last summer because I hadn't flown in years and years (and about 200 lbs). I was so nervous about asking for an extender...felt like there would be a spotlight on me and everyone would stare. 

Nothing could have been farther from the truth...I asked to pre-board, and just asked the flight attendant as I walked by for one...just stated matter-of-factly "I need a seat belt extender, please." Most of the time she handed me one right then. I doubt anyone else on the flight even knew I had one. I took it off after we landed and handed it back to her on the way out. 

Anyway, I know this is off-topic a little, but I just wanted to say not to let this stop you!


----------



## mszwebs

ripley said:


> I was so nervous when I flew last summer because I hadn't flown in years and years (and about 200 lbs). I was so nervous about asking for an extender...felt like there would be a spotlight on me and everyone would stare.
> 
> Nothing could have been farther from the truth...I asked to pre-board, and just asked the flight attendant as I walked by for one...just stated matter-of-factly "I need a seat belt extender, please." Most of the time she handed me one right then. I doubt anyone else on the flight even knew I had one. I took it off after we landed and handed it back to her on the way out.
> 
> Anyway, I know this is off-topic a little, but I just wanted to say not to let this stop you!



I never ask to preboard...lol. i just do it.

Ok. Back to the topic at hand...


----------



## ripley

It never occurred to me to! Gah, I'm such a girl scout that I just meekly follow the rules. 


You're my new hero, you scofflaw you!


----------



## Eclectic_Girl

mszwebs said:


> I never ask to preboard...lol. i just do it.



Yep, me, too. It occurred to me one day when they were going through their "parents with small children and anyone who needs a little extra time" routine: Hey! I could use a little extra time! They're talking about me!

No one has ever questioned me.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

I always *tell *them I am going to preboard, lol and that mike is coming with me. I never hand back the seat belt extender though....I just leave it in the seat and let them deal with it...I have to worry about my carry ons and getting off the plane and how far I need to walk and where will I get my luggage...so returning a lil seat belt extender is the furthest thing from my mind.


----------



## KHayes666

ThinkingFA said:


> This is even a good thread for guys like me who have encouraged their women to gain or gain more. I've been married 17 years. For my wife, going from 200-300 didn't really produce that much change early on. Then she went from 30 to 40 to 45. While I can never have complete empathy for what it's like to live in her bounteous body, I'm starting to have similar experiences with pain, energy level, motivation now that I'm approaching 42. For example, it takes a good full day to recover from mowing the lawn.
> 
> I still have active fantasies about her gaining to 400 lbs or beyond. I still encourage from time to time. Reading this thread has helped me look at things from a new perspective, though. I used to think that going from 300 to 400 would be nothing, just like going from 200 to 300 was. Much of that belief was fueled by seeing all the active SSBBW's here who talked about how much they loved their size and rarely touched on the downside.
> 
> Sure I'm familiar with the problems of booths, seatbelts, airplanes, tight restaurant layout, etc. It would be sad if I didn't get it after 17 years. As a side note, we both love Buffalo Wild Wings, but it really is a pain in the ass for her to move around in. We both love Disney World, and fortunately she hasn't been too fat for any of her favorite rides, but all the walking can make her pretty damn crabby. That goes double if I've gone into knucklehead mode and walked far ahead of her. Fortunately, she's not hard to spot in a crowd. If it's over 80 degrees out, her luscious ass is hanging out by the pool with a couple of margaritas.
> 
> I've learned to live in a house cold enough to hang meat in. I've learned to clean bathrooms because it's too hard for her to be on her knees for a long time. I've learned to drop her in front of just about any place we go, especially if it's hot outside. We manage our money from a budget, and I've learned to budget more for clothes because she wears pants out between the legs quite regularly.
> 
> I've also learned that my wife isn't an object, toy or blow-up doll. Sex is a wonderful thing, but it's not her purpose in life to be one thing or another for my amusement. After all, sex only lasts about 6 or 8 hours at a time. There's a whole lot of living to be done after that. For all those wannabe SSBBW daters out there, I think the point of Melissa's post is that fantasies and/or physical preferences are fine. Living them out is fine, too. It's just that fantasies and preferences come with strings attached, like it or not.



This post made me think.....I know what a concept...but seriously.

His post focused more on the fact he thought it would be easy for his wife to grow fatter and how hard it is to live with a woman of a larger size, but that's not what I'm focusing on. He mentioned how he's been married 17 years and he's seen his wife go from 30 to 47, not quickly obviously but still it made me think to myself.

I'm going to be 22 in less than 2 weeks, its easy for me to fantasizes about women growing rounder, softer, more plush to enjoy....but what happens 20 years from now? Suppose I start dating and eventually marry a woman in her late 20's, early 30's..... Lets say 10 years will go by and while I'll never be considered a kid again, being in my early 30's doesn't mean I won't be considered an old man either...but what about the girl I married, she'd now be turning the corner to 40 or in her 40's, and such size will definately be harder to deal with when father time comes calling. Come to think of it, worrying about health goes for ANY woman hitting 40, not just the larger ones.

I never thought i'd live to see 25 and yet I'm almost there, suppose I get engaged to a really wonderful woman in between and eventually marry....30 years from now if I'm still alive will my encourager tendancies still kick in when I hit 50? If I'm dating an older woman can I be able to take care of her if she is of immense size by that point when I myself am 2 steps closer to needing a cane?

Its easy to roll down the street blasting Rammstein with the windows down on my way to pick a girl up for a date, hoping possibly that she'll pig out at dinner...but by 2028 if I'm married and I roll down the street I'll be thinking about our children, her health, my health, bills to pay.

The whole post is really grounding, never really thought about the future before, maybe I need to choose who I date a little wiser now.


----------



## TraciJo67

KHayes666 said:


> Come to think of it, worrying about health goes for ANY woman hitting 40, not just the larger ones.



Yeah, I'd better run (not walk) and get me some supplemental nursing home insurance :doh:

I understand what you meant, KHayes, but let me assure you that not every woman hitting 40 must then automatically worry about her health. Unless, of course, you're referring to the inevitable gravitational pull of the Southern Slide ... in which case, guilty as charged 

Aside from the purely cosmetic, I'm healthier now than I was in my 20's.


----------



## Spanky

TraciJo67 said:


> Yeah, I'd better run (not walk) and get me some supplemental nursing home insurance :doh:
> 
> I understand what you meant, KHayes, but let me assure you that not every woman hitting 40 must then automatically worry about her health. Unless, of course, you're referring to the inevitable gravitational pull of the Southern Slide ... in which case, guilty as charged
> 
> Aside from the purely cosmetic, I'm healthier now than I was in my 20's.



I for one am going through the "lady doctor bills" and <ERRRRRR> sorry, they are going up. 

At 40, the breast exams, gynecological visits, cervical scrapes, pap smears, etc etc. And if they find something out of the ordinary, they go back for another sample and then you wait in fear of the potential results. (like TODAY )

AND she is probably going to still outlive me by 6 or 7 years. :doh:

I must be sick or something, or retarded......or male. 


Oh, TrampiHo?? What nursing home are you in? I can drop by leave some flowers. Old ones, with fresh bugs still in them. It is tick season, donchaknow.


----------



## TraciJo67

Spanky said:


> I for one am going through the "lady doctor bills" and <ERRRRRR> sorry, they are going up.
> 
> At 40, the breast exams, gynecological visits, cervical scrapes, pap smears, etc etc. And if they find something out of the ordinary, they go back for another sample and then you wait in fear of the potential results. (like TODAY )
> 
> AND she is probably going to still outlive me by 6 or 7 years. :doh:
> 
> I must be sick or something, or retarded......or male.
> 
> 
> Oh, TrampiHo?? What nursing home are you in? I can drop by leave some flowers. Old ones, with fresh bugs still in them. It is tick season, donchaknow.



Well, yeah. The preventative exams get to be a major hassle for this old bird. Abnormal results are fairly common, Spunkles. I'm sure that your missus will be fine, and cooking your dinner for a long time (in more ways than one, gramps). But yeah, I know it's stress-inducing. Hope you guys get good news, and soon.

As for the extras in the flowers, I'd really prefer leeches. That, or fresh young virgin blood to bathe in. It is how I maintain my youthful glow, after all. You'd never guess me to be a day over .... 40


----------



## Spanky

TraciJo67 said:


> As for the extras in the flowers, I'd really prefer leeches. That, or fresh young virgin blood to bathe in. It is how I maintain my youthful glow, after all. You'd never guess me to be a day over .... *41*



Fixdthatfurya.


----------



## mergirl

Gosh khayes..you really do some serious thinking!!. I just turned 30 and lets say my partner is at the later stages of her 30's. lol! I Really dont consider 40 to be old by any means.!! While i agree that some things should be thought about and planned out, i think you also just need to sit back, relax and think about what and where you are now. Things will happen if and when they do but to worry to that extent is just going to give you a hernia or something! (well maby not a hernia but i'm not a doctor! lol)
just breathe for now...

mer


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Spanky said:


> I for one am going through the "lady doctor bills" and <ERRRRRR> sorry, they are going up.
> 
> At 40, the breast exams, gynecological visits, cervical scrapes, pap smears, etc etc. And if they find something out of the ordinary, they go back for another sample and then you wait in fear of the potential results. (like TODAY )
> 
> AND she is probably going to still outlive me by 6 or 7 years. :doh:
> 
> I must be sick or something, or retarded......or male.
> 
> 
> Oh, TrampiHo?? What nursing home are you in? I can drop by leave some flowers. Old ones, with fresh bugs still in them. It is tick season, donchaknow.




I have been having mammograms every year since the age of 34- bi-yearly since age 28 because of family history. Age doesn't necessarily make for lighter doctor bills- or more.


----------



## ThinkingFA

wistful said:


> ThinkingFA, your whole post was well thought out and I agree that you seem to have a firm grasp on the realities of being with a larger woman.Your love for your partner really shines through.However, I cannot let the above quote go unnoticed..Your wife is a lucky woman..tired perhaps but lucky.
> 
> Signed,
> Not getting any let alone 6 hours worth.



Just kidding, but happy to see you read the whole thing. I guess that would be one downside - her tiring easily. That just means we spend more time on foreplay.


----------



## Raqui

Hi all My dating Radio show is today so any of you who happen to be free I hope that you come over and put out some points on dating a large sized woman. HUGS Raqui

My radio show link in my signature  Hugs


----------



## SocialbFly

KHayes666 said:


> This post made me think.....I know what a concept...but seriously.
> 
> His post focused more on the fact he thought it would be easy for his wife to grow fatter and how hard it is to live with a woman of a larger size, but that's not what I'm focusing on. He mentioned how he's been married 17 years and he's seen his wife go from 30 to 47, not quickly obviously but still it made me think to myself.
> 
> I'm going to be 22 in less than 2 weeks, its easy for me to fantasizes about women growing rounder, softer, more plush to enjoy....but what happens 20 years from now? Suppose I start dating and eventually marry a woman in her late 20's, early 30's..... Lets say 10 years will go by and while I'll never be considered a kid again, being in my early 30's doesn't mean I won't be considered an old man either...but what about the girl I married, she'd now be turning the corner to 40 or in her 40's, and such size will definately be harder to deal with when father time comes calling. Come to think of it, worrying about health goes for ANY woman hitting 40, not just the larger ones.
> 
> I never thought i'd live to see 25 and yet I'm almost there, suppose I get engaged to a really wonderful woman in between and eventually marry....30 years from now if I'm still alive will my encourager tendancies still kick in when I hit 50? If I'm dating an older woman can I be able to take care of her if she is of immense size by that point when I myself am 2 steps closer to needing a cane?
> 
> Its easy to roll down the street blasting Rammstein with the windows down on my way to pick a girl up for a date, hoping possibly that she'll pig out at dinner...but by 2028 if I'm married and I roll down the street I'll be thinking about our children, her health, my health, bills to pay.
> 
> The whole post is really grounding, never really thought about the future before, maybe I need to choose who I date a little wiser now.




all i can say is health care and health cures have changed so much in the last ten years and are changing so rapidly it is sometimes hard to keep up....i would suggest thinking no further ahead than 10 years or so, our little brains just cant come up with all the cures and treatments they will have by then....
hugs


----------



## amber83

I am not an SSBBW, but, I am not skinny. I just went to the Netherlands for a week by myself to have a holiday and while I don't speak the native language - I still don't recall anybody saying anything to me. And I was a bit concerned about it, but, I figured if they did, I could just always tell them to FOAD. 

I was in India recently, as well, and while people stared and stared, I never overheard anything or had anybody come up to me and call me fat. I just told myself it is because I am tall, white and blue eyed. 

I know the feeling, though, of feeling accepted in the USA. I felt like I didn't have to be on "alert" if you will, when I got back to the states.


----------



## Gingembre

amber83 said:


> I was in India recently, as well, and while people stared and stared, I never overheard anything or had anybody come up to me and call me fat. I just told myself it is because I am tall, white and blue eyed.



I agree it was probably 'cause you're a white woman. I was in India for 6 months and found them to be very matter of fact about fat and not see it as a derogatory thing necessarily. A lot of Indians still see fat to be a sign of wealth....I kept getting people trying to feed me up, because if I went home thinner, my family would think their country hadn't given me enough to eat. Hard to tell though, I agree....they stare A LOT! Love the country though.


----------



## SocialbFly

KHayes666 said:


> This post made me think.....I know what a concept...but seriously.
> 
> His post focused more on the fact he thought it would be easy for his wife to grow fatter and how hard it is to live with a woman of a larger size, but that's not what I'm focusing on. He mentioned how he's been married 17 years and he's seen his wife go from 30 to 47, not quickly obviously but still it made me think to myself.
> 
> I'm going to be 22 in less than 2 weeks, its easy for me to fantasizes about women growing rounder, softer, more plush to enjoy....but what happens 20 years from now? Suppose I start dating and eventually marry a woman in her late 20's, early 30's..... Lets say 10 years will go by and while I'll never be considered a kid again, being in my early 30's doesn't mean I won't be considered an old man either...but what about the girl I married, she'd now be turning the corner to 40 or in her 40's, and such size will definately be harder to deal with when father time comes calling. Come to think of it, worrying about health goes for ANY woman hitting 40, not just the larger ones.
> 
> I never thought i'd live to see 25 and yet I'm almost there, suppose I get engaged to a really wonderful woman in between and eventually marry....30 years from now if I'm still alive will my encourager tendancies still kick in when I hit 50? If I'm dating an older woman can I be able to take care of her if she is of immense size by that point when I myself am 2 steps closer to needing a cane?
> 
> Its easy to roll down the street blasting Rammstein with the windows down on my way to pick a girl up for a date, hoping possibly that she'll pig out at dinner...but by 2028 if I'm married and I roll down the street I'll be thinking about our children, her health, my health, bills to pay.
> 
> The whole post is really grounding, never really thought about the future before, maybe I need to choose who I date a little wiser now.



you know i have thought and thought about this...and truly your future is not a promise either....we are all one accident away from big health problems....worry too much about her health what about youth?? testosterone and driving too fast, being too daring and risk taking are all common...

i just think when you think ahead that far, you miss today.


----------



## BeaBea

SocialbFly said:


> i just think when you think ahead that far, you miss today.



Well said!



KHayes666 said:


> maybe I need to choose who I date a little wiser now.



Obviously you can choose who you date. In my experience though you get no choice at all in who you fall in love with. If you find the right person, and it's real love, then all of the problems that you've highlighted wont matter so much because you'll do anything for them. 

Life plays funny tricks on us all and as you get older you dont stop being surprised, you just learn to be grateful that you're still here to be thrown a loop.

Tracey xx


----------



## Dragonsspite

too true that we should let our partners know our limitations, as bbw or ssbbw, Im really not sure what category i fit, up till recently my 5'5" frame held a nice round 340 lbs. Ive since lost some of that(no I wasnt trying to). However my partner simply ignored my limitations. My husband (now ex) and I took our kids to the roller skating rink, he is a slender 165 lb athletic man, and knows I have aches and pains. He was very insistant that I roller skate with he and the children, I of course refused, my body cant take it, I dont want the pain. I have bad ankles, bad knees, and degenerative disk disease. He became very angry saying that i was ruining everyones fun. My children are very understanding and they were not upset that I wouldnt skate, it was him. Now I enjoy alot of different activitys, but now that Im back in the dating world, Im very hesitant as to what i do with new men, dont get me wrong, Im not shy, nor am I affraid to say what i want to do or what I want them to do, Im kind of bossy..and like to have things my way, I freely admit it, but as much as it may embarras an FA to make a mistake when dealing with me, it would be/was humiliating to me to be harrangued to do something I physically couldnt do with out great pain. Lets face it not all FA's are that considerate, or even nice guys, my ex is a testament to that, and he has always been with bbw and ssbbw.


----------



## SocialbFly

BeaBea said:


> Life plays funny tricks on us all and as you get older you dont stop being surprised, you just learn to be grateful that you're still here to be thrown a loop.
> 
> Tracey xx




Boy did you just say a mouthful, and i absolutely concur...honestly i never thought i would be single at 48...now dont get me wrong, i have done so much with my life, and i love what it is, but it is funny, all those long term plans i had...ha...life has other plans sometimes...just saying...


----------



## KHayes666

SocialbFly said:


> you know i have thought and thought about this...and truly your future is not a promise either....we are all one accident away from big health problems....worry too much about her health what about youth?? testosterone and driving too fast, being too daring and risk taking are all common...
> 
> i just think when you think ahead that far, you miss today.



I don't have a future, I always said I'd be dead by 25. I just thought about if by miracle I did live long, I'd have to be a little more careful about the health of who I date.


----------



## SocialbFly

KHayes666 said:


> I don't have a future, I always said I'd be dead by 25. I just thought about if by miracle I did live long, I'd have to be a little more careful about the health of who I date.



ha, i just want to share with you...as an ssbbw they always said Dianna you will be dead by 21...so i figured, i would die when i was 21...nope...

then 33....nope...

then 44....nope


so fuck it, i chose and choose to live...what the hell is a number anyway...


----------



## KHayes666

SocialbFly said:


> ha, i just want to share with you...as an ssbbw they always said Dianna you will be dead by 21...so i figured, i would die when i was 21...nope...
> 
> then 33....nope...
> 
> then 44....nope
> 
> 
> so fuck it, i chose and choose to live...what the hell is a number anyway...



Nobody said I'd be dead by 25 but me......with my life and the way it is I'd rather it be that way.

Living from day to day, hour to hour....that's not the way you should live. I can't plan a week ahead of time because of certain aspects I have no control over.

If I had a normal life, with my immune system i'd live to be 110, but my life isn't normal so 25 would be a miracle


----------



## braindeadhead

May I ask why you're so certain of limited life span?


----------



## KHayes666

braindeadhead said:


> May I ask why you're so certain of limited life span?



My job isn't going to last much longer, and since I refuse to work for half of what I'm making now...the day I'm laid off is when I sign up for Iraqi War duty. I'd rather die over there than live the life of someone always worrying about bills, rent and people to take care of. If my job was guaranteed I'd live to be 100 like I said earlier...but its not


----------



## braindeadhead

And what happens if you surivive your service in Iraq? Do you plan to insure your death there? 

I supose its pointless to tell you a job is just a job and money is like the tides (it comes and goes). I commend you for taking responibility for your debts and bills but you can find other work and you can ask for help, there is no sin in that.

I say these things because when I was young I was certain I'd never make it to 30 and when I was about 22 I was pretty set on getting done faster but I didn't die and I can't begin to express how greatful I am I didn't. 

I would have missed so much.


----------



## KHayes666

braindeadhead said:


> And what happens if you surivive your service in Iraq? Do you plan to insure your death there?
> 
> I supose its pointless to tell you a job is just a job and money is like the tides (it comes and goes). I commend you for taking responibility for your debts and bills but you can find other work and you can ask for help, there is no sin in that.
> 
> I say these things because when I was young I was certain I'd never make it to 30 and when I was about 22 I was pretty set on getting done faster but I didn't die and I can't begin to express how greatful I am I didn't.
> 
> I would have missed so much.



That's true...given my knowledge of tactical situations, I wouldn't put the idea of me actually surviving over there as that farfetched.

A job is just a job, but there's a difference in what i'm making now and what i'd be making if i was to start over somewhere else. 4 years ago I was training to be a pro wrestler, that and being an actor were the only 2 things I ever wanted to be....but one incident involving an inexperienced 7 foot kid changed everything. 

Where I am right now, if someone was to do a drive by on me...other than some of the people's inevitable balloon from 200 to 400 lbs around here, I really wouldn't be missing much. Its too expensive to go to sporting events, its too expensive to drive cars, its too expensive to spend a weekend in New York, Chicago and LA.....and for a working class citizen its hard to live with reality.


----------



## jdinmi

This has been a very informative thread. I've only been dating my girlfriend, who is very large, for a couple of months, and so I don't really feel comfortable asking her about things like this and she hasn't brought them up, so this has been very helpful.

I was wondering if you all had any suggestions on what a person you were with could do to make medical stuff more pleasant. My girlfriend needs to get her tonsils out, and there have been a lot of doctor's visits to make sure she needed to and to get it authorized, and then she has to get it done, and even though it's not weight-related, it's been awful and stressful for her. I know how much she hates going and I've been wondering what I could do to be supportive.


----------



## Bly_guy

This thread has opened my eyes on a lot of things I CLEARLY would've gotten wrong on a first or second date!

Thank you all for the input!


----------



## Ernest Nagel

jdinmi said:


> This has been a very informative thread. I've only been dating my girlfriend, who is very large, for a couple of months, and so I don't really feel comfortable asking her about things like this and she hasn't brought them up, so this has been very helpful.
> 
> I was wondering if you all had any suggestions on what a person you were with could do to make medical stuff more pleasant. My girlfriend needs to get her tonsils out, and there have been a lot of doctor's visits to make sure she needed to and to get it authorized, and then she has to get it done, and even though it's not weight-related, it's been awful and stressful for her. *I know how much she hates going and I've been wondering what I could do to be supportive.*



Probably more or less the same things you'd want done for yourself if circumstances were reversed. Consideration and respect are not size-contingent. The logistical issues can usually be handled with clear, straightforward communication. Make sure all parties involved know she's a woman of size well in advance and explain that you need to be sure that is given due consideration.

As far as judgment, being ridiculed or criticized for her weight by either care-givers or other parties present (i.e. relatives), keep your GF and others involved focused on the current issue. Sufficient unto the day are the concerns thereof, don't get the cart before the horse, one thing at a time are good phrases to have handy for her and her care-givers. Her weight may present an added risk factor but that just means she warrants extra care, not uncaring and unhelpful comments.

More than anything else just be there for her, let her know you're watching out for her and want to support her in any way you can. Most of all just listen and get whatever she needs you to hear with compassion and respect. 

Yes, I've been through this a few times. Never gets easier but it's (sometimes) a part of being in a relationship with a SSBBW. You may even feel guilty or somehow responsible that she's going through whatever she is because you like/support/encourage her size. Save it for later. She's entitled to all your concern until she's better. Hope this helps?


----------



## Victim

Me and my SSBBW wife of 18 yrs. recently found an office chair she liked but it wasn't QUITE wide enough. After examining how it was built, I was able to engineer extentions for the arms from automotive bolts and nylon spacers, so now it is 4" wider and we have no problem with it.


----------



## Victim

SocialbFly said:


> Just to explain something from my viewpoint...sometimes when FAs are in the closet, the guy will ONLY want to go to your place (God forbid someone see a fat girl at his place...holy shit!!!!) so, sometimes it isnt a want, it is almost a need to be seen as part of his life too....just another way to look at it...i absolutely prefer to have them come to my house, i know the strgnth of my furniture, and dont know yours, but sometimes it is needed to be both ways, cause i am not in the closet and if the guy is, i dont want him anymore, i cant do it again, and i wont!!!!



I've been married 18yrs and consider my SSBBW wife to be arm candy and want to be seen together as much as possible, just like any man who has the woman of his dreams. If he doesn't want to be seen with you, are you REALLY what he wants in life?


----------



## SocialbFly

Victim said:


> I've been married 18yrs and consider my SSBBW wife to be arm candy and want to be seen together as much as possible, just like any man who has the woman of his dreams. If he doesn't want to be seen with you, are you REALLY what he wants in life?



my point exactly....

and while we are at it, why is that your nick?? you can msg me if you want...but i would never ever want that nick attached to me in any way, and i am curious...


----------



## Victim

This might be more appriate in the geek FA thread, but I've had that nick since the early 80's when I started out hacking 8-bit computers. All the other hackers had Apple ]['s and TRS-80-'s, I had a vic-20, so I was a 'victim'. It stuck. I've had that nick (my full nick is The Victim) and email address since the days of bang addressing.

Getting back to the subject, another thing about dating SSBBWs and cars is PARKING.

1) When you pull into a perpendicular space, you need to leave enough room between the passenger door and the other car for them to open the door far enough.

2) When you are parallel parking you need to make sure the lower edge of the door is going to clear the curb or she won't be able to open the door.

3) This is related to #2, but a bit sneakier. When you are going to pick her up curbside, but sure you have a lot of clearance between the fully open door and the curb. When she gets in and loads down the suspension, this could cause the door to hit ground. Then she'll have to get out while you reposition the car. You lose points for that cit.


----------



## SocialbFly

Victim said:


> This might be more appriate in the geek FA thread, but I've had that nick since the early 80's when I started out hacking 8-bit computers. All the other hackers had Apple ]['s and TRS-80-'s, I had a vic-20, so I was a 'victim'. It stuck. I've had that nick (my full nick is The Victim) and email address since the days of bang addressing.
> 
> Getting back to the subject, another thing about dating SSBBWs and cars is PARKING.
> 
> 1) When you pull into a perpendicular space, you need to leave enough room between the passenger door and the other car for them to open the door far enough.
> 
> 2) When you are parallel parking you need to make sure the lower edge of the door is going to clear the curb or she won't be able to open the door.
> 
> 3) This is related to #2, but a bit sneakier. When you are going to pick her up curbside, but sure you have a lot of clearance between the fully open door and the curb. When she gets in and loads down the suspension, this could cause the door to hit ground. Then she'll have to get out while you reposition the car. You lose points for that cit.



AHHH i am so glad i asked. and thankyou for the answer and you are so right about the parking thing, lol.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Victim said:


> This might be more appriate in the geek FA thread, but I've had that nick since the early 80's when I started out hacking 8-bit computers. All the other hackers had Apple ]['s and TRS-80-'s, I had a vic-20, so I was a 'victim'. It stuck. I've had that nick (my full nick is The Victim) and email address since the days of bang addressing.
> 
> Getting back to the subject, another thing about dating SSBBWs and cars is PARKING.
> 
> 1) When you pull into a perpendicular space, you need to leave enough room between the passenger door and the other car for them to open the door far enough.
> 
> 2) When you are parallel parking you need to make sure the lower edge of the door is going to clear the curb or she won't be able to open the door.
> 
> 3) This is related to #2, but a bit sneakier. When you are going to pick her up curbside, but sure you have a lot of clearance between the fully open door and the curb. When she gets in and loads down the suspension, this could cause the door to hit ground. Then she'll have to get out while you reposition the car. You lose points for that cit.



I want to add something else about paralell parking because I expereinced this last night with my sister. When you paralell park in a car, leave enough space between the car and the curb for her to put her foot down in the street. If you park right up on the curb, the curb is sometimes level with the seat of the car and makes it nearly impossible to get in or out. A space between the car and the curb gives enough footing to stand up out of the car or sit down in it. This also solves the "door scraping on the curb" issue because she has a place to put her foot to stablize herself and pull the car door towards her part way before she fully plops herself down. This way she can clear the door from the curb altogether and avoid the scrape. 

If you're driving a truck or SUV the opposite would hold true I suppose. Park as close to the curb as possible so that the step down isn't a 5 foot suicide drop.


----------



## largenlovely

oh yes very good stuff with the parking!! great post



Victim said:


> This might be more appriate in the geek FA thread, but I've had that nick since the early 80's when I started out hacking 8-bit computers. All the other hackers had Apple ]['s and TRS-80-'s, I had a vic-20, so I was a 'victim'. It stuck. I've had that nick (my full nick is The Victim) and email address since the days of bang addressing.
> 
> Getting back to the subject, another thing about dating SSBBWs and cars is PARKING.
> 
> 1) When you pull into a perpendicular space, you need to leave enough room between the passenger door and the other car for them to open the door far enough.
> 
> 2) When you are parallel parking you need to make sure the lower edge of the door is going to clear the curb or she won't be able to open the door.
> 
> 3) This is related to #2, but a bit sneakier. When you are going to pick her up curbside, but sure you have a lot of clearance between the fully open door and the curb. When she gets in and loads down the suspension, this could cause the door to hit ground. Then she'll have to get out while you reposition the car. You lose points for that cit.


----------



## largenlovely

lmao god i hate that..especially as short as i am



LillyBBBW said:


> If you're driving a truck or SUV the opposite would hold true I suppose. Park as close to the curb as possible so that the step down isn't a 5 foot suicide drop.


----------



## Victim

Another thing is stick shifts. Whenever you go up into 5th or back up you are going to be smacking her in the knee with the shift knob. Also, if she would like to drive your car, clutching can be VERY hard on the knees/ankles. Automatic transmissions might suck, but we do need to make concessions.


----------



## stan_der_man

Victim said:


> Another thing is stick shifts. Whenever you go up into 5th or back up you are going to be smacking her in the knee with the shift knob. Also, if she would like to drive your car, clutching can be VERY hard on the knees/ankles. Automatic transmissions might suck, but we do need to make concessions.



Ironically, even though automatic transmissions are technically more drag on a car, and (in theory) cause a car to get slightly worse gas mileage, they are often better warrantied (you often can get a lifetime warranty on automatic transmission repairs but not on a manual transmission because of inevitable clutch wear...) and in the United States (on American cars...) automatics are more common and cheaper to maintain in many ways because of that. In other words, if you live in a flat area (i.e. not on mountain roads...) having an automatic in many cases is preferential anyway. (Excluding foreign made cars with automatics... they can be a nightmare to get parts...)



One thing I didn't see mentioned here... When my wife was supersized, I found it useful to rotate the bed mattress on a regular basis (maybe once or twice a year...) to keep it from wearing unevenly. Same with switching around couch pads and living room chairs that are identical. Another thing I've found is that bed sheets and comforters tend to migrate towards the supersized person (the bed sheets and pads were always coming undone on my side of the bed...) You can get clips to hold the underneath sheets down, and bed blankets should be oversized because covering a larger person with what would be a properly sized blanked for the bed will often leave the thinner person uncovered.


----------



## Tooz

LillyBBBW said:


> I want to add something else about paralell parking because I expereinced this last night with my sister. When you paralell park in a car, leave enough space between the car and the curb for her to put her foot down in the street. If you park right up on the curb, the curb is sometimes level with the seat of the car and makes it nearly impossible to get in or out.



This is very true, but I think it stands for smaller people as well. It's damn hard to get out if the curb is higher than usual at all.


----------



## largenlovely

yet another great idea  I wore one side of the bed out so badly that it was like falling into a black hole LOL

One of my friends had to listen to me complain about the sheets coming off the bed so much that he actually bought me some sheet belts and sent them to me years ago LOL...it was one of the greatest gifts i ever got hahaha. Here's a link to sheet belts 

http://www.kmart.com/shc/s/p_10151_10104_9990000021667011P?keyword=belts



fa_man_stan said:


> Ironically, even though automatic transmissions are technically more drag on a car, and (in theory) cause a car to get slightly worse gas mileage, they are often better warrantied (you often can get a lifetime warranty on automatic transmission repairs but not on a manual transmission because of inevitable clutch wear...) and in the United States (on American cars...) automatics are more common and cheaper to maintain in many ways because of that. In other words, if you live in a flat area (i.e. not on mountain roads...) having an automatic in many cases is preferential anyway. (Excluding foreign made cars with automatics... they can be a nightmare to get parts...)
> 
> 
> 
> One thing I didn't see mentioned here... When my wife was supersized, I found it useful to rotate the bed mattress on a regular basis (maybe once or twice a year...) to keep it from wearing unevenly. Same with switching around couch pads and living room chairs that are identical. Another thing I've found is that bed sheets and comforters tend to migrate towards the supersized person (the bed sheets and pads were always coming undone on my side of the bed...) You can get clips to hold the underneath sheets down, and bed blankets should be oversized because covering a larger person with what would be a properly sized blanked for the bed will often leave the thinner person uncovered.


----------



## stan_der_man

largenlovely said:


> yet another great idea  I wore one side of the bed out so badly that it was like falling into a black hole LOL
> 
> One of my friends had to listen to me complain about the sheets coming off the bed so much that he actually bought me some sheet belts and sent them to me years ago LOL...it was one of the greatest gifts i ever got hahaha. Here's a link to sheet belts
> 
> http://www.kmart.com/shc/s/p_10151_10104_9990000021667011P?keyword=belts



Yeah... those are exactly what Mtmaiden got!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

I found some of those a few years back...and I found them in a store where everything only costs a buck!  :happy:


----------



## LillyBBBW

Tooz said:


> This is very true, but I think it stands for smaller people as well. It's damn hard to get out if the curb is higher than usual at all.



This is very true! I do find that over zealous concern causes some people to make extra effort to bring the car riiiiight up to the edge. I've had to tell someone on more than a few occasions. 

I find that if a person is really trying to do right by you and every step or gesture they make gets greeted with "No, this wont work" it's a real downer for them. I've sometimes made personal efforts to accommodate to a strange circumstance and when my companion learns of it there's usually this excitable burst of, "Why didn't you tell me??? I would have ......" I think with all this helpful advice here it serves to be reminded to just relax and take it easy, it's supposed to be fun.  If you don't have it all figured out on the first try it's ok. It really is. Just mark it down for next time. You may not be used to all the ins and outs of SSBBWness but SSBBW's aren't accustomed to having someone there to assist either. We've developed a lot of self defense adaptability that is reflexive. We're not thinking you inept, we're just thinking we have to get up/in/out/through/over so we start moving. We're not going to assume that you want to do these things or be involved in some way. It feels strange to us so be patient.


----------



## jewels_mystery

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I found some of those a few years back...and I found them in a store where everything only costs a buck!  :happy:



These are a god send. A friend bought me some last year.


----------



## KHayes666

LillyBBBW said:


> This is very true! I do find that over zealous concern causes some people to make extra effort to bring the car riiiiight up to the edge. I've had to tell someone on more than a few occasions.
> 
> I find that if a person is really trying to do right by you and every step or gesture they make gets greeted with "No, this wont work" it's a real downer for them. I've sometimes made personal efforts to accommodate to a strange circumstance and when my companion learns of it there's usually this excitable burst of, "Why didn't you tell me??? I would have ......" I think with all this helpful advice here it serves to be reminded to just relax and take it easy, it's supposed to be fun.  If you don't have it all figured out on the first try it's ok. It really is. Just mark it down for next time. You may not be used to all the ins and outs of SSBBWness but SSBBW's aren't accustomed to having someone there to assist either. We've developed a lot of self defense adaptability that is reflexive. We're not thinking you inept, we're just thinking we have to get up/in/out/through/over so we start moving. We're not going to assume that you want to do these things or be involved in some way. It feels strange to us so be patient.



Hey now, usually when I park a car I'm a 100 feet from the curb, I've gotten 3 tickets so far.....the one time I actually got next to a curb and you tell me not to...what are the chances?


----------



## socal-richard-1957

The OP reveals the closely guarded secret that women judge men by the car they drive. Speaking on behalf of all men I think I can say: "Yes, we know".


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

socal-richard-1957 said:


> The OP reveals the closely guarded secret that women judge men by the car they drive. Speaking on behalf of all men I think I can say: "Yes, we know".



You are so wrong.....I have morals/high standards myself. I simply go by penis size.......  


Oh, and post pixors plz kthx


----------



## KHayes666

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> You are so wrong.....I have morals/high standards myself. I simply go by penis size.......
> 
> 
> Oh, and post pixors plz kthx



Uh.....oh


----------



## largenlovely

eh...think what ya want, the subject has already been discussed if you'd like to read through the entire thread.



socal-richard-1957 said:


> The OP reveals the closely guarded secret that women judge men by the car they drive. Speaking on behalf of all men I think I can say: "Yes, we know".


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

KHayes666 said:


> Uh.....oh



It's okay....I want pics of yours, too.  


Oh, and us "women already know" that guys that drive big fancy cars are "overcompensating" for something....


----------



## KHayes666

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> It's okay....I want pics of yours, too.
> 
> 
> Oh, and us "women already know" that guys that drive big fancy cars are "overcompensating" for something....



good thing I drive a camry


----------



## snuggletiger

Thank goodness I drive a small saturn.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

KHayes666 said:


> good thing I drive a camry





snuggletiger said:


> Thank goodness I drive a small saturn.




:wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu:  :bow:


----------



## largenlovely

we haven't even discussed fat girls who have big cars...what are we overcompensating for? hehe


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Doesn't really matter since we already know what the guys like big.....


----------



## KHayes666

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Doesn't really matter since we already know what the guys like big.....



*checks you out*


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

KHayes666 said:


> *checks you out* :





 :batting: :wubu:



*sings "Baby you can drive my car....."*


----------



## CleverBomb

asdf jkl;

Deletion attempt


----------



## CleverBomb

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Doesn't really matter since we already know what the guys like big.....



Families?

-Rusty
(and, my, you have a cute one...)


----------



## largenlovely

i'm hoping you mean bellies...otherwise i need a roll of duct tape and 2 packages of TP lol




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Doesn't really matter since we already know what the guys like big.....


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

CleverBomb said:


> Families?
> 
> -Rusty
> (and, my, you have a cute one...)



Thank you luv....and my.....YOU are a cute one  



largenlovely said:


> i'm hoping you mean bellies...otherwise i need a roll of duct tape and 2 packages of TP lol



I suspect us big girls got everything they need by natural design


----------



## mergirl

Think big headlights people!!
and rear suspention..
this thred is bonkers btw!!

xmer


----------



## KHayes666

mergirl said:


> Think big headlights people!!
> and rear suspention..
> this thred is bonkers btw!!
> 
> xmer



I don't know about your headlights, I assume they work just fine however I may need to check your rear suspension the next time you're in the shop


----------



## mergirl

KHayes666 said:


> I don't know about your headlights, I assume they work just fine however I may need to check your rear suspension the next time you're in the shop


lmao..erm if you plan on giving my rear suspension proper checking i want to know what kinna oil your planning on using..


----------



## KHayes666

mergirl said:


> lmao..erm if you plan on giving my rear suspension proper checking i want to know what kinna oil your planning on using..



Oh I plan to use the high grade stuff, perfect for a suspension like yours and it'll make it work faster


----------



## mergirl

KHayes666 said:


> Oh I plan to use the high grade stuff, perfect for a suspension like yours and it'll make it work faster


roflma! well its always nice to know your working with professionals!
apart from hoping that your gearstick works ok, i'm all out of rude car analogies! lmao

xmer


----------



## KHayes666

mergirl said:


> roflma! well its always nice to know your working with professionals!
> apart from hoping that your gearstick works ok, i'm all out of rude car analogies! lmao
> 
> xmer



lol yeah, I'm out too, you win :wubu:


----------



## mergirl

KHayes666 said:


> lol yeah, I'm out too, you win :wubu:


well, its the taking part that counts! 

xxmer


----------



## snuggletiger

Gee and I was thinking big heart, big dreams, all the sappy romancey stuff.


----------



## mergirl

snuggletiger said:


> Gee and I was thinking big heart, big dreams, all the sappy romancey stuff.


muwahahaha...i'm on the phone to "mills n boons" as we speak! lol

xmer


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

snuggletiger said:


> Gee and I was thinking big heart, big dreams, all the sappy romancey stuff.


----------



## KHayes666

Green Eyed Fairy said:


>



that's one big heart lol


----------



## snuggletiger

Green Eyed Fairy said:


>



ooooh la la:wubu:


----------



## Wagimawr

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> HUGE................heart


*fap* *fap* *fap*


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Wagimawr said:


> *fap* *fap* *fap*



Post pixors plz kthx


----------



## Wagimawr

You've seen THOSE pics, missy :batting:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Wag.......you're a bad, bad boy........



Don't make me get my paddle out again........


----------



## Wagimawr

mine's bigger ^_^

>_>

<_<

*runs*


----------



## KHayes666

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Wag.......you're a bad, bad boy........
> 
> 
> 
> Don't make me get my paddle out again........



Once rode a horse to Seattle, and it once got out of the saddle. Saw a girl on a boat, who begged for my coat, instead I just gave her my paddle


----------



## BeaBea

Wagimawr said:


> You've seen THOSE pics, missy :batting:



I haven't...  
PM, Email or a brown envelope full of polaroids would all be equally acceptable. Pretty please...?
Tracey xx


----------



## Seiger23

Wow reading this thread really opened my eyes so to speak, ive always wanted to date a larger woman, but I dont think im ready, I could hardly handle my last gf who was around 300 or so.

Sigh maybe someday


----------



## snuggletiger

luckily for me i don't get many pix requests


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

KHayes666 said:


> Once rode a horse to Seattle, and it once got out of the saddle. Saw a girl on a boat, who begged for my coat, instead I just gave her my paddle



Post pixors o paddel plz kthx



snuggletiger said:


> luckily for me i don't get many pix requests



You have one now


----------



## snuggletiger

any particular kind of picture ?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

One of your big..........................heart


----------



## AnnMarie

If we could keep the guy pic oogling to the pics threads and keep this on topic, it would be great. People have expressed a wish to not see this very helpful thread derailed. 

Thank you!  

/mod


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Sorry AM :blush:


----------



## AnnMarie

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Sorry AM :blush:



NP, we all like oogling!


----------



## LiLaKuhJunge

Dating *any* type of person should be prepared to make all involved happy. This even holds true for business meetings...
* Bad smell is a major downturn, be it your transpiration or the smelly restaurant
* The emotions of others influence you. Look around and listen to the talk of others during a solo test visit
* The attention level is important to feeling well. Will you/your date be eyed all evening or ignored completely?

And there are 1000 other aspects to care about when dating, so the BBW relevant part is really not the most difficult to handle for a guy.

What has been totally missed here IMHO is how a BBW can improve the date. There are some aspects which lead to total date disasters. Most skinny girls know the tricks to turn a date into a very special event and avoid downturns, but surprisingly a number of BBWs is lacking such card tricks up their sleeves. It seems to have to do with learning from the competition and from friends. We guys check each others flirt strategies and success stories, the "typical" girl does this too.

And I say that as a guy who really prefers BBWs. 

Kuhjunge


----------



## BeaBea

LiLaKuhJunge said:


> What has been totally missed here IMHO is how a BBW can improve the date. There are some aspects which lead to total date disasters. Most skinny girls know the tricks to turn a date into a very special event and avoid downturns, but surprisingly a number of BBWs is lacking such card tricks up their sleeves.



That feels like a huge generalisation to me but I'll need some more information before I get decide to get offended over it...

In the meantime though - can you explain exactly what 'card tricks' you think that we BBWs need to learn that our thinner sisters have already mastered?

Tracey


----------



## CleverBomb

BeaBea said:


> That feels like a huge generalisation to me but I'll need some more information before I get decide to get offended over it...
> 
> In the meantime though - can you explain exactly what 'card tricks' you think that we BBWs need to learn that our thinner sisters have already mastered?
> 
> Tracey


It's really quite simple.

If for some reason a date is going badly, all a lady needs to do is say the magic words...




"Pick a card, any card!"

He's inordinately amused by card tricks.

-Rusty


----------



## LillyBBBW

BeaBea said:


> That feels like a huge generalisation to me but I'll need some more information before I get decide to get offended over it...
> 
> In the meantime though - can you explain exactly what 'card tricks' you think that we BBWs need to learn that our thinner sisters have already mastered?
> 
> Tracey




stand up quickly, toss your drink in his face, storm off, hail a cab
excuse yourself to the bathroom, climb out a windown, hail a cab
have a friend call your cell phone at 7:48 pm. Answer and pretend it's a client ranting and raving and demanding to see you NOW. Excuse yourself, hail a cab.
order the most expensive thing on the menu. Pick at it daintily leaving most of it rotted and mutilated on your plate. Thank him for a lovely evening, tell him you won't kiss or have sex till marriage, hail a cab.


----------



## snuggletiger

But what if the guy is really nice and sincere Lilly?


----------



## LillyBBBW

snuggletiger said:


> But what if the guy is really nice and sincere Lilly?



Unfortunately there is no level too low for someone to stoop to get out of a date that's going badly or going nowhere. If a guy is an inconsiderate ogre in their eyes all bets are off. The evening is ended early with any number of worst case scenario options in they've planned in advance to get out. From the crib my mother told me NEVER to go out on a date without at least a dime for a phone call so you can be picked up if you want to leave. That advice has graduated to cab fare these days. 

The logic most use is this: "If he doesn't think I'm worth the extra effort why should I? I got my legs waxed, I got my roots touched up, I skipped the onions in my salad which I love, I'm wearing a bra two sizes too small for enhancement purposes, I'm wearing uncomfortable shoes to impress him and I take hormone pills that make me bloat, give me gas and thin my hair. If he treats me like I'm just another mandy I'm outta there." That's what I hear mostly. Rarely do I hear of some thin woman twisting about to make a date work that wasn't planned well unless the guy is hotter than sunburn.


----------



## TraciJo67

LillyBBBW said:


> Rarely do I hear of some thin woman twisting about to make a date work that wasn't planned well unless the guy is hotter than sunburn.



I don't date, but I have thin friends & coworkers who do. I listen to the exact same horror stories from them -- sitting through bad dates, wishing that they were anywhere but at that particular place in time. I've never heard of anyone ditching in the manner you described, Lilly (although yes, some have used the cell phone "I have an emergency" trick). To me, that behavior is selfish and rude ... unless the date is a true cad, and deserves to be put in his place with an abrupt departure. If his only "crime" is that he's not a love match (or that he's a bit clueless about the dating 'scene' and how to plan the perfect evening), why not just sit politely through the date, and then decline a 2nd meeting?


----------



## snuggletiger

LillyBBBW said:


> Unfortunately there is no level too low for someone to stoop to get out of a date that's going badly or going nowhere. If a guy is an inconsiderate ogre in their eyes all bets are off. The evening is ended early with any number of worst case scenario options in they've planned in advance to get out. From the crib my mother told me NEVER to go out on a date without at least a dime for a phone call so you can be picked up if you want to leave. That advice has graduated to cab fare these days.
> 
> The logic most use is this: "If he doesn't think I'm worth the extra effort why should I? I got my legs waxed, I got my roots touched up, I skipped the onions in my salad which I love, I'm wearing a bra two sizes too small for enhancement purposes, I'm wearing uncomfortable shoes to impress him and I take hormone pills that make me bloat, give me gas and thin my hair. If he treats me like I'm just another mandy I'm outta there." That's what I hear mostly. Rarely do I hear of some thin woman twisting about to make a date work that wasn't planned well unless the guy is hotter than sunburn.



The worst date I had was when a lady made a racial remark about one of the busboys in the restaurant. At which point when I told the date I was half mexican, her jaw dropped open, Then I asked the Caucasian waitress to remove any evidence of my date being there, and that if she could do it within a 2 minute time frame, I'd throw in an extra $5. The date said "What are you doing?" I said "you're done and I am going to eat dessert in piece". 
The joy of me


----------



## LillyBBBW

TraciJo67 said:


> I don't date, but I have thin friends & coworkers who do. I listen to the exact same horror stories from them -- sitting through bad dates, wishing that they were anywhere but at that particular place in time. I've never heard of anyone ditching in the manner you described, Lilly (although yes, some have used the cell phone "I have an emergency" trick). To me, that behavior is selfish and rude ... unless the date is a true cad, and deserves to be put in his place with an abrupt departure. If his only "crime" is that he's not a love match (or that he's a bit clueless about the dating 'scene' and how to plan the perfect evening), why not just sit politely through the date, and then decline a 2nd meeting?



I don't know Traci. I've never done it, couldn't even if I wanted to. I just don't have it in me but I've known people who had that "Oh well" attitude towards it saying they feel no reason to suffer through something if it isn't working and they want to leave. It's not totally common but they're out there.


----------



## LillyBBBW

snuggletiger said:


> The worst date I had was when a lady made a racial remark about one of the busboys in the restaurant. At which point when I told the date I was half mexican, her jaw dropped open, Then I asked the Caucasian waitress to remove any evidence of my date being there, and that if she could do it within a 2 minute time frame, I'd throw in an extra $5. The date said "What are you doing?" I said "you're done and I am going to eat dessert in piece".
> The joy of me



While I'm not a fan of high handedness against the innocent I do think that in some ways we've become so polite that inappropriate behavior no longer bears any consequences. There are times when someone SHOULD be walked out on, told off or manhandled into the street. I applaud people who can stand up and assert themselves. The offending person may think twice next time and rightfully so.


----------



## snuggletiger

I say stomp the bully in the ground before he becomes a bigger bully


----------



## LillyBBBW

snuggletiger said:


> I say stomp the bully in the ground before he becomes a bigger bully



Bonus points if you're wearing cleats.


----------



## snuggletiger

Mondo bonus points if the bully is coughing up blood and organs after being stomped  and the crowd will give out free drinks & huzzahs.


----------



## jewels_mystery

snuggletiger said:


> The worst date I had was when a lady made a racial remark about one of the busboys in the restaurant. At which point when I told the date I was half mexican, her jaw dropped open, Then I asked the Caucasian waitress to remove any evidence of my date being there, and that if she could do it within a 2 minute time frame, I'd throw in an extra $5. The date said "What are you doing?" I said "you're done and I am going to eat dessert in piece".
> The joy of me



How rude. I can't believe she felt comfortable enough to say that. I love the way you handled it.


----------



## snuggletiger

I look at it like this, how a person makes a living that's their own thing. If thats what it takes to put food on their table and a roof over the head. God Bless they are doing something. To just put someone down because of the color of their skin just isn't right.


----------



## Eclectic_Girl

snuggletiger said:


> But what if the guy is really nice and sincere Lilly?



A really nice and sincere guy isn't expecting his date to come up with card tricks, just an equally nice and sincere response to anything that happens on the date.


----------



## snuggletiger

All i can do is funny stories. I wish I knew some card tricks or even just pulling an unsuspecting bunny out of a crummy hat.


----------



## largenlovely

ya never know..maybe the guy is wishing for a way out too and you're also doing him a favor as well by bailing.... sometimes people just don't have anything in common and it's obvious to both parties pretty quickly...even to the point that you probably couldn't even be friends. Nothing wrong with just knowing..."yeah, this isn't gonna happen on ANY level" lol....politely making an excuse and apologizing for leaving is different than storming out in a rude manner. Besides...why waste either parties time if nobody is having fun and you know nothing at ALL is going to come from the date....not even a friendship

*edit* though i learned from the beginning...i can't "suffer" through someone's company if i don't like them...it's too difficult for me. So...when i was single, i'd make sure i knew something about the person and that i was at least generally interested before agreeing to go out.


----------



## KHayes666

Eclectic_Girl said:


> A really nice and sincere guy isn't expecting his date to come up with card tricks, just an equally nice and sincere response to anything that happens on the date.



Bah! If you and I went out Carla, I demand that you make me pick a card, any card and make it dissappear then reach into your purse and pull it out.


----------



## Blackjack

Sounds like I might need to pull a card trick on y'all next time I see you.

Just b'cause.


----------



## olwen

TraciJo67 said:


> I don't date, but I have thin friends & coworkers who do. I listen to the exact same horror stories from them -- sitting through bad dates, wishing that they were anywhere but at that particular place in time. I've never heard of anyone ditching in the manner you described, Lilly (although yes, some have used the cell phone "I have an emergency" trick). To me, that behavior is selfish and rude ... unless the date is a true cad, and deserves to be put in his place with an abrupt departure. If his only "crime" is that he's not a love match (or that he's a bit clueless about the dating 'scene' and how to plan the perfect evening), why not just sit politely through the date, and then decline a 2nd meeting?



Traci, my friends and I do the same thing with the phone - it's like a get out of date free card - trust me, sometimes you have to!!! But if the date is going well, then neither one of us answers the phone in front of him and we sneak off to the bathroom or somewhere to say everything is cool. Thanks for the courtesy call.

ETA: This is the most useful on a first date.


----------



## TraciJo67

olwen said:


> Traci, my friends and I do the same thing with the phone - it's like a get out of date free card - trust me, sometimes you have to!!! But if the date is going well, then neither one of us answers the phone in front of him and we sneak off to the bathroom or somewhere to say everything is cool. Thanks for the courtesy call.
> 
> ETA: This is the most useful on a first date.



I understand that, Olwen. I was cringing more at the other tricks -- ditching through a window or out the back door. If the guy is deserving, that's another story (and hopefully, the wine got thrown into his face before the departure ) but if he's just not a good match .... and otherwise polite and respectful ... I'd probably just resign myself to getting through the evening, while being equally polite and respectful. It is the treatment that I would hope for.

And if you get an "emergency" call during dinner, the guy can at least leave with his dignity intact. The vamoose out the door routine ... that's just so low  I have a friend who has had that happen to her several times, and it makes her feel so awful. Of course she understands that she's not the one with the problem, but she's human. I know that kind of rejection has to hurt.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

I have had two really bad dates in my life....and I just straight up ended them. Just said I want to go home now. It was only an issue with one.....
I tend to be like TraciJo....I usually try to be polite and stick it out but then again, I must have been fortunate to only have two really bad ones that stick out in my memory.


----------



## olwen

The worst date I ever had....when my friend gave me the safety/courtesy call I excused myself to smoke a cigarette outside and told her everything was okay and he wasn't dangerous or unbalanced. I stuck with the date bored out of my freaking mind till the end. Thanked him for the evening and told him I didn't think it would work and made my way home. I've never had to throw my drink in a guy's face or sneak out a bathroom window. I probably wouldn't fit thru it anyway.


----------



## KHayes666

I've already posted this on a previous thread, but on the topic of really bad dates I had to end, guess this fits in.

2 years ago I was supposed to go out with this girl one on one, I pull up, ring the bell and her friend I can't stand answers and says she's coming with us. Right then and there I should have turned around and walked away but like an idiot I said "Fine". 

I then spent the next hour and half basically as a chauffer, I barely even got to talk to the girl as she just chilled with her friend. I barely even got to talk to her and when I did, the friend cut me off as quick as she could. They made me wait as they shopped at the mall and made me pay for the bill at lunch. The final straw was when the friend took a phone call and said "Hey drop us off with my boyfriend in Natick." Natick happened to be a 20 minute drive from where we were so instead I said absolutely nothing, and began driving back to my friends house. It took them about 5 minutes before they realized I wasn't going to Natick and they were like "Hey, this isn't the way...what are you doing?" I said "Oh its a way alright, a way out!" This is when the friend said "Wow, creepy much? See (her name), I told you!" I got back to her house a minute later and said "Both of you get out, now!"

I know teenage girls really don't trust boys but that was just pathetic. I never really found out if she used me the whole time we were friends just so I could be a chauffer, or if her stupid friend got in her ear or if she really was insecure about me and her together.


----------



## AnnMarie

Hey guys, the bad date things are ok, but they should remain on topic to SSBBW issues - and not just general bad date issues - as this thread has a specific topic at hand.

Thank you.


----------



## KHayes666

AnnMarie said:


> Hey guys, the bad date things are ok, but they should remain on topic to SSBBW issues - and not just general bad date issues - as this thread has a specific topic at hand.
> 
> Thank you.



Well other than my very first date with a bbw back in 05, every SSBBW date I've been on has been fun and successful, if that means anything lol


----------



## socal-richard-1957

KHayes666 said:


> every SSBBW date I've been on has been fun and successful, if that means anything lol



My experience as well. I find them to be unpretentious.


----------



## TraciJo67

socal-richard-1957 said:


> My experience as well. I find them to be unpretentious.



Unpretentious ... interesting word choice.

I find BBW's and BHM's to be no better than or worse than anyone else. I'd hesitate to assign any kind of label at all to such a diverse group of people.


----------



## socal-richard-1957

TraciJo67 said:


> Unpretentious ... interesting word choice.
> 
> I find BBW's and BHM's to be no better than or worse than anyone else. I'd hesitate to assign any kind of label at all to such a diverse group of people.



Ya know, I'm going to politely disagree with you. I think fat people and skinny people are as different as night and day. For example, skinny people are more likely to be involved in outdoor activities and less likely to be obsessed with food. I now weigh 180 but was once 300 and when I was heavy I always thought about food. I was always planning my next meal.

In fact, in my opinion it's not that there are "fat people" and "skinny people", I see it as "Fat Personalities" and "Skinny Personalities".

I have much experience dating fat women and skinny women, and the differences between the two are profound.

These are my experiences and observations, not a scientific study. YMMV


----------



## Tooz

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Ya know, I'm going to politely disagree with you. I think fat people and skinny people are as different as night and day. For example, skinny people are more likely to be involved in outdoor activities and less likely to be obsessed with food. I now weigh 180 but was once 300 and when I was heavy I always thought about food. I was always planning my next meal.
> 
> In fact, in my opinion it's not that there are "fat people" and "skinny people", I see it as "Fat Personalities" and "Skinny Personalities".
> 
> I have much experience dating fat women and skinny women, and the differences between the two are profound.
> 
> These are my experiences and observations, not a scientific study. YMMV




Sounds like someone has a plethora of their _own_ body issues.


----------



## socal-richard-1957

Tooz said:


> Sounds like someone has a plethora of their _own_ body issues.



You're assuming facts not in evidence.


----------



## Tooz

socal-richard-1957 said:


> You're assuming facts not in evidence.



That all you got?


----------



## lostjacket

socal-richard-1957 said:


> You're assuming facts not in evidence.


 
You speak English good, yes?


----------



## mszwebs

After reading through the last couple of pages, I feel an overwhelming need for Beej's Warf gif.


----------



## LoveBHMS

socal-richard-1957 said:


> You're assuming facts not in evidence.



I'm just guessing here, but you watch a lot of "Law and Order" don't you?


----------



## socal-richard-1957

LoveBHMS said:


> I'm just guessing here, but you watch a lot of "Law and Order" don't you?



Never watched it. Not everybody gets their vocabulary from television.


----------



## Tooz

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Never watched it. Not everybody get's their vocabulary from television.



But I guess some people get their grammar from the internet!

Nice apostrophe, dude!


----------



## MisticalMisty

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Ya know, I'm going to politely disagree with you. I think fat people and skinny people are as different as night and day. For example, skinny people are more likely to be involved in outdoor activities and less likely to be obsessed with food.



You obviously haven't met a thin person with an eating disorder, or a thin person on a diet, or been on a date with a thin person period.

I'm sorry..but you're little science experiment..is a crock of shit.

This is coming from a 400 lb ssbbw who spent 12 hours in the pool yesterday. A fat girl that doesn't obsess about food, but watches her thinner girlfriends obsess about every morsal they take into their bodies. They are counting points..calories, fat grams..BLAH BLAH.

Seriously. 

Not all fat people live to eat. Not all thin people live to eat. Not all skinny people participate in outdoor activities. Not all fat people are lazy people who never step foot outside.

Seriously.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Tooz said:


> But I guess some people get their grammar from the internet!
> 
> Nice apostrophe, dude!



I was going to point out that the correct way to phrase it is "Not everyone gets his or her vocabulary from television."


----------



## socal-richard-1957

MisticalMisty said:


> You obviously haven't met a thin person with an eating disorder, or a thin person on a diet, or *been on a date with a thin person period.*



You're assuming facts not in evidence. Please try to confine your responses to something you might actually know about. By pretending that you know for a fact that I've never dated a skinny woman you sound very foolish.


----------



## socal-richard-1957

Tooz said:


> But I guess some people get their grammar from the internet!
> 
> Nice apostrophe, dude!



To quote one of the local geniuses on this forum: "Is that all you've got" ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Tooz

socal-richard-1957 said:


> To quote one of the local geniuses on this forum: "Is that all you've got" ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



What exactly is your problem? Is your goal in life to just start shit everywhere? Look, I'm sorry you were fat and hated it and apparently couldn't get a date. How is this OUR problem? As far as I'm concerned, your body is hardly your biggest downfall.


----------



## Tooz

MisticalMisty said:


> You obviously haven't met a thin person with an eating disorder, or a thin person on a diet, or been on a date with a thin person period.
> 
> I'm sorry..but you're little science experiment..is a crock of shit.
> 
> This is coming from a 400 lb ssbbw who spent 12 hours in the pool yesterday. A fat girl that doesn't obsess about food, but watches her thinner girlfriends obsess about every morsal they take into their bodies. They are counting points..calories, fat grams..BLAH BLAH.
> 
> Seriously.
> 
> Not all fat people live to eat. Not all thin people live to eat. Not all skinny people participate in outdoor activities. Not all fat people are lazy people who never step foot outside.
> 
> Seriously.



God, Misty, you are making a beautiful point.

I like to plan food sometimes, but I am a foodee, dammit! I love to cook. It doesn't even have to be my OWN food, I'll plan meals for like everyone.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Tooz said:


> God, Misty, you are making a beautiful point.
> 
> I like to plan food sometimes, but I am a foodee, dammit! I love to cook. It doesn't even have to be my OWN food, I'll plan meals for like everyone.



When you plan meals, are you doing that inside or outside?

It's important.


----------



## AnnMarie

socal-richard-1957 said:


> *snipped* you sound very foolish.




Well, to call on my 2nd grade retorts for a moment.... 


"Takes one to know one."

And that is based fully on the facts in evidence here since you started posting, so save yourself the copy and paste.


----------



## Tooz

LoveBHMS said:


> When you plan meals, are you doing that inside or outside?
> 
> It's important.



What if it's a screened-in porch? I mean, c'mon, that's neither here nor there.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Tooz said:


> What if it's a screened-in porch? I mean, c'mon, that's neither here nor there.




Ooooh. Screened in porch. Grey area. 

I guess really it's contingent on your personality.


----------



## socal-richard-1957

You BBWs are so self delusional. If you really believed the things you say, you would have more confidence. You would become so enraged by my posts and need to make ad hominem attacks. The fact that my posts incite such anger tells me that you BBWs are not as secure as you think you are.

If you believe in something, you should be confident. You should not become so agitated when people question your beliefs.


----------



## Tooz

LoveBHMS said:


> Ooooh. Screened in porch. Grey area.
> 
> I guess really it's contingent on your personality.



Well, I haven't been outside for almost 15 years.....






socal-richard-1957 said:


> funky logix



Actually, I'm not angry. I am amused at your very foggy view of things, though. I am also amused at your balls (stupidity?) to come here and spew your BS. Frankly, this is giving me an excuse to put off packing (GASP. PHYSICAL ACTIVITY!) "Us" BBW are not all as insecure as you think. Let's GO, projection! Again, why are you here? It seems like you just want to dismantle everyone here so that every last one of us can be as unhappy and empty as you. Soz buddy, even if it works on some, it won't work on all.

I keep posting because I want you to go away.


----------



## sugar and spice

socal-richard-1957 said:


> You BBWs are so self delusional. If you really believed the things you say, you would have more confidence. You would become so enraged by my posts and need to make ad hominem attacks. The fact that my posts incite such anger tells me that you BBWs are not as secure as you think you are.
> 
> If you believe in something, you should be confident. You should not become so agitated when people question your beliefs.



If you find us so "self delusional" then why do you come here? Go Troll somewhere else.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

socal-richard-1957 said:


> The fact that my posts incite such anger tells me that you BBWs are not as secure as you think you are.



Or, it just tells you that we are pissed off that we've got one more of your kind to deal with. 

Seriously, just because you used to be fat (so you say) do you really think that other people's experiences will be the same as yours? That just because you, as a fat man, planned your next meal while you were still eating a meal, that every other fat person must do the same? Do you now feel that it's your responsibility since you're thin and all (again so you say) to roam around a fat acceptance message board chastising all us pesky fat women?


----------



## socal-richard-1957

Tooz said:


> What exactly is your problem? Is your goal in life to just start shit everywhere? Look, I'm sorry you were fat and hated it and apparently couldn't get a date. How is this OUR problem? As far as I'm concerned, your body is hardly your biggest downfall.



Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.

You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?


----------



## lostjacket

I'm not a bbw. I'm an FA. 

I also have respect for women. Just because you dress up your insults, and then choose to defend them...doesn't make them right.

Your reason for being here is?


----------



## socal-richard-1957

Ella Bella said:


> Or, it just tells you that we are pissed off that we've got one more of your kind to deal with.



My kind? You are revealing more about yourself with every post! LOL


----------



## LoveBHMS

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?



I can not figure out why you're still single.


----------



## MisticalMisty

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?




I'm begging you..keep talking..just like this...maybe even more offensive.

Thanks,
Misty M.ED


----------



## AnnMarie

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, *their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.*
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?




*bold added*

Are you going for a crash and burn record?

Watch yourself, carefully. 

/mod


----------



## Tooz

Ha! Of course you make more money than me! People on WELFARE make more money than me! I just graduated college and don't even have a job yet. The only things to my name are my semi-junky 2002 Taurus (which I love dearly), a cat and some clothes. It's funny that you say this because my life is actually going very well. Money is no indication of ones quality of life-- I can safely say that even if you were one of the richest men, I can not think of anyone who'd be genuinely interested in YOU. Not your money, not your things, YOU. What you have shown here, even if it is a tiny sliver of your personality, would be more than enough to greatly sway any woman worth her salt.

I'm giving you a hard time because what you're saying leaves you so incredibly open to people taking swipes. Sorry to rain on your parade, but I'm not angry, nor am I frustrated. Granted, there is very little way to prove something like this over the internet, but ask anyone who knows me well: it's obvious when I'm mad, and this ain't it.


----------



## socal-richard-1957

LoveBHMS said:


> I can not figure out why you're still single.



LOL, you guys never fail to satisfy. Always with the personal attacks. How weak are your opinions when you can only defend them with attacks? LOL


----------



## fatgirlflyin

socal-richard-1957 said:


> My kind? You are revealing more about yourself with every post! LOL




Yes your kind. A person who either: 
·	doesn't like himself and projects that self hate onto other people. 
· used to be fat but now isn't fat and has decided that its his place to save all the fat people from themselves. or 
· someone who just out and out hates fat people. 

So really, why are you here? It doesn't feel as if you're here to be supportive of fat people. It doesn't feel as if you're here because you find fat women attractive. I may be wrong on that one but I've just seen insults coming from you so that's all I've got to base my opinion on. You've already said you aren't fat, so what's the reason you've got to be here? 

You dont have to be all sugar and nice to fit here, but respectful would get you pretty far.


----------



## AnnMarie

Hey - EVERYONE - listen up. 

The rules apply to all of you, even those who are trying to do the "right" thing. No personal attacks, no quote editing, no name calling, etc. 

If you want to debate or watch, fine, but play by the rules or you'll be held accountable just like everyone else. This isn't a free-for-all. 

Thank you. 

/mod


----------



## socal-richard-1957

AnnMarie said:


> *bold added*
> 
> Are you going for a crash and burn record?
> 
> Watch yourself, carefully.
> 
> /mod



These are just words. I am typing characters on my keyboard. I have used no profanity. Yet, I am being threatened with censure. My opinion is different from the herd and as a result, a mod has come forward and is threatening me. The message is clear: If your opinions to not match the opinions of others, you will be banned.

This threat would not be necessary if the forum members had self confidence. They would not need to summon their moderator to protect them from the opinions of others.


----------



## liz (di-va)

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than *I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers*.



!?! Are you kiddin me with this? I'm grossed out, but I kinda feel like giggling. This is so _nuts_. Why do people try to stuff their bigotry into places it doesn't fit, such as say--oh, I don't know...a website devoted to improving and celebrating the lives of fat people? Can't rationalize this into place, however you squint at it.

What a really sad direction in which this thread's gone. Blimey. But so glad to finally know what we all have in common, after all this time. 

ETA: Duly noted, AM; do what's necc.


----------



## Tooz

socal-richard-1957 said:


> These are just words. I am typing characters on my keyboard. I have used no profanity. Yet, I am being threatened with censure. My opinion is different from the herd and as a result, a mod has come forward and is threatening me. The message is clear: If your opinions to not match the opinions of others, you will be banned.
> 
> This threat would not be necessary if the forum members had self confidence. They would not need to summon their moderator to protect them from the opinions of others.



The thing is, one does not need profanity to be insulting. One also does not need to have insecurity to be offended by something. It's not so much your opinion, but your attitude and behavior towards others.

Hell, if differing opinions got you banned, I'd be banned several times over for disagreeing. 

Plus, no one "summoned" a mod. A mod showed up!


----------



## LurkingBBW

Ella Bella said:


> Yes your kind. A person who either:
> ·	doesn't like himself and projects that self hate onto other people.
> · used to be fat but now isn't fat and has decided that its his place to save all the fat people from themselves. or
> · someone who just out and out hates fat people.
> 
> So really, why are you here? It doesn't feel as if you're here to be supportive of fat people. It doesn't feel as if you're here because you find fat women attractive. I may be wrong on that one but I've just seen insults coming from you so that's all I've got to base my opinion on. You've already said you aren't fat, so what's the reason you've got to be here?
> 
> You dont have to be all sugar and nice to fit here, but respectful would get you pretty far.




This man, (and that _may_ be giving him too much credit) is simply here to stir up trouble. He is enjoying all of the responses to his idiocy. Better to just ignore him and hopefully he will go away or at least be having less fun if no one responds to him. Give him attention and he will stay.


----------



## LoveBHMS

socal-richard-1957 said:


> LOL, you guys never fail to satisfy. Always with the personal attacks. How weak are your opinions when you can only defend them with attacks? LOL



It wasn't an attack really.

When you don't know people and say you *know" you're better off and happier and wealthier than they are, it's silly. My opinion, since you seem to be so fond of legalspeak, is you should know your opponents and know what you're talking about and who you're talking to prior to opening your mouth. Seeing as that nobody has to post their weight, 1040 forms, or diplomas in their personal profile, making remarks about their finances or lifestyle is dumb.

I'll even tell you something personal. I myself have body image and size issues. Everyone who's been here longer than the month that you've been knows all about it. I once said some awful, nasty, bigoted stuff in private that got made public. I've spent a LOT of time apologizing and trying to redeem myself because I screwed up, I hurt people I like, and truthfully I love this community. Some people may forgive me and some won't. But my trying to be a better person is not contingent on whether or not they do.

I've learned a lot here, and I continue to learn a lot here. I think I've become a better person for being here. If you think you have it in you, calm down, stop attacking people and stick around. You may be the better for it.


----------



## AnnMarie

socal-richard-1957 said:


> These are just words. I am typing characters on my keyboard. I have used no profanity. Yet, I am being threatened with censure. My opinion is different from the herd and as a result, a mod has come forward and is threatening me. The message is clear: If your opinions to not match the opinions of others, you will be banned.
> 
> This threat would not be necessary if the forum members had self confidence. They would not need to summon their moderator to protect them from the opinions of others.



Profanity isn't a rule here, personal attacks and name-calling are. If you were being censured for having differing and offensive opinions, you'd have been gone about a week or so ago, so let's not play that card. 

You have been given plenty of rope, and today you've come closer to a hanging. It's your rope to do with as you please. You can stay within rules, or you can launch more attacks on the members of this board. 

I have procedures to follow, and I have. I told you what the next step is, so maybe it's time to get outside, as "you thin people" are so fond of, and take a break from the food-obsessed inside dwellers for which you have so much contempt. 

/mod


----------



## olwen

Hey Richy rich, how old are you 12? You come in here and attack all the women. What's your damage really? Seriously. I get that you had some experiences with fat women that scarred you for life (if this is indeed the case), but c'mon. So now every fat woman has become evil incarnate because they did not extoll the virtues of your oh so wonderful respectful, innocent, omniscient, and magnanimous fat self? That's just plain silly in more ways than one. Just a wild guess here, but they probably didn't like you when you were fat (if you were fat) because you were a little less than respectful. I seriously doubt after all your flaccid bluster, that you were merely the innocent fat victim of some damaged bbws. 

If you decided to come in here to let off some steam you won't get very far. I hope you've got a head shrinker, cause, you need one. Blanket statements are useless and will only get you so far. I'd put you on ignore, but your attitude is starting to amuse me. I know I'll get a good show if you post. 

Dance puppet, dance.


----------



## socal-richard-1957

AnnMarie said:


> You can stay within rules, or you can launch more attacks on the members of this board.
> 
> /mod



Although I have attacked no one, the personal attacks against me have been numerous. Your statement implying that I have been attacking members of this board is not based on any facts. It's something you just invented.


----------



## TraciJo67

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?



Hey ladies! I think we've got a bona fide "John Fitzgerald Page" sighting here!     

(If nothing else, he now has some stiff competition for that prestigious electronic title)


----------



## Tooz

socal-richard-1957 said:


> To quote one of the local geniuses on this forum: "Is that all you've got" ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Attack.



socal-richard-1957 said:


> You BBWs are so self delusional. [...] you BBWs are not as secure as you think you are.



Attack.



socal-richard-1957 said:


> I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman.?



Attack(s).



socal-richard-1957 said:


> My kind? You are revealing more about yourself with every post! LOL



Thinly veiled attack.



socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I have attacked no one [...] It's something you just invented.



An attack neatly enclosed in a statement saying you have attacked no one!

Juuuuuust sayin'.


----------



## AnnMarie

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I have attacked no one, the personal attacks against me have been numerous. Your statement implying that I have been attacking members of this board is not based on any facts. It's something you just invented.



Since you've brought this up for all...

Actually, it's based quite specifically on the post of yours that I deleted (from another thread) and sent you an infraction for. You can refer to your PMs for a copy of it. 

I can't quote it, because it's been removed, but it was something about how all the women on this board are "depressed, angry, self delusional and sad" (oh look, I can quote it).


----------



## LoveBHMS

Tooz my dear you are an *overachiever* in the world of multiple quoting.

:wubu:


----------



## Tooz

LoveBHMS said:


> Tooz my dear you are an *overachiever* in the world of multiple quoting.
> 
> :wubu:



Gotta offset the fact my entire wardrobe is comprised of burlap sacks SOMEHOW, right? :batting:


----------



## LoveBHMS

Tooz said:


> Gotta offset the fact my entire wardrobe is comprised of burlap sacks SOMEHOW, right? :batting:



Oh you didn't know this? I forgot you haven't been outside in 15 years but burlap sacks are all the rage now!


----------



## Jay West Coast

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?



HFS!

Wow, dude. I bet the "downfall" she was talking about doesn't have anything to do with money. Just a hint. 

By the way, I bet you when I drive, I'm driving a more expensive car than you are. When I come home, my place is worth twice as much as yours. And I'm half your age. 

But you know what? None of that means jack shit. Maturity and sophistication come from a lot more than what you own or what you can buy. Real achievement isn't a number with a dollar sign next to it. It's how you treat people in your life that means everything. If you can't come to a place like a size acceptance board internet and treat people--that you admitted you don't even know yet--with thoughtfulness and respect, you've impressed no one.

Sorry.


----------



## Wagimawr

Just in case our interloper isn't quite caught up yet, Dimensions is a site about ACCEPTANCE and POSITIVITY towards those of size (and really, when you start down the road towards any kind of acceptance, all of it starts to fall into play, yes?), and so even general attacks towards a group of people (be they fat, gay, of a minority, or any of the above) are also regarded as personal attacks and NOT WELCOME; and before anybody jumps in with the "lol internet I can say what I want because it's a discussion board", that it may be, but it's still a privately-held area in some respects, and that's why we have moderators and the like here.

tl;dr - we can easily have our THIN FA HOST come and kick you out rather than one of the BBWs you seem to have such animosity towards, since I doubt he's very pleased at your behavior here.

If you really feel so negatively about women of size, *why are you here in a place that celebrates them?*


----------



## exile in thighville

socal-richard-1957 said:


> You're assuming facts not in evidence. Please try to confine your responses to something you might actually know about. By pretending that you know for a fact that I've never dated a skinny woman you sound very foolish.



This is lame and tedious. People are judging you by what you say only. If you're not happy with their assumptions, give them "evidence' to believe otherwise. For instance, I think you sound like a total closet case. Instead of telling me I'm wrong, tell me _why_ I'm wrong and make me believe you.

I've also inferred that you hate fat women. Am I going two for two yet?


----------



## lostjacket

Haha, Cavalry.

Welcome.

Does best Terrell Owen's Impression.


----------



## mszwebs

I am an SSBBW. 

I have a date. 

That is my current reality. 

Am I in the right thread?


----------



## exile in thighville

hahahaha. excellent save.


----------



## Sandie S-R

mszwebs said:


> I am an SSBBW.
> 
> I have a date.
> 
> That is my current reality.
> 
> Am I in the right thread?



Damn skippy, girl!!

Hope it's a very hot date, and have fun!!!!

Report back later.


----------



## lostjacket

mszwebs said:


> I am an SSBBW.
> 
> I have a date.
> 
> That is my current reality.
> 
> Am I in the right thread?


 
Go Jess!


----------



## liz (di-va)

mszwebs said:


> I am an SSBBW.
> I have a date.
> That is my current reality.
> Am I in the right thread?



I...have one too.

**slow clap* 
*_yes......yes.....yes....yes...yes..yes..yes! yes! yes! yes!
_heheheheehehehehe


----------



## mszwebs

liz (di-va) said:


> I...have one too.
> 
> **slow clap*
> *_yes......yes.....yes....yes...yes..yes..yes! yes! yes! yes!
> _heheheheehehehehe



ow-OW!!!!!


----------



## liz (di-va)

Sorry. Just felt like startin a slow clap . Felt like I was in a John Hughes movie for a second.


----------



## wrestlingguy

It's good to see the wagons circle when an interloper shows up & fires his salvos.

It shows that we are still a family (albeit dysfunctional). It makes me happy.


----------



## LillyBBBW

socal-richard-1957 said:


> These are just words. I am typing characters on my keyboard. I have used no profanity. Yet, I am being threatened with censure. My opinion is different from the herd and as a result, a mod has come forward and is threatening me. The message is clear: If your opinions to not match the opinions of others, you will be banned.
> 
> This threat would not be necessary if the forum members had self confidence. They would not need to summon their moderator to protect them from the opinions of others.



Self confidence doesn't mean we're supposed to smile graciously while you hurl feces all over the place. You posted an opinion and it was challenged as crap. One could opine that the sky is made of blueberry Jell-O and it would be challenged also. Don't mock the process with this story about our self confidence and integral frailty because we wont accept "differing opinions". lol That stretch made me chuckle. 

Here's you:


Thin people = 
Fat people = 
Thin :wubu: you
Fat people are :shocked: of you
And the moon is made of cheese. Do yourself a favor, broaden your social understanding and meet more people. Clearly people are more complex than to be summed up under fat and thin, or possibly you believe you are the only person for whom the monotonous unoriginality wouldn't apply? My experiences have seen insecurity in the darnedest places and pompous arrogance in places where it really doesn't belong.


----------



## FatAndProud

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.



LOL I see this right here....Are you fucking serious, dude? You sound like you are a bitter-ass, used-to-be-300lbs man turned skinny, now attacking what you used to be. Get a fucking life dude. Your posts were entertaining, until I read this one. You say stop basing your facts without evidence? Ninja, please. You're delusional. Go ride a bike and date your skinny girls and drink margaritas on the beach....Serious, why are you here if you despise fat people?


----------



## largenlovely

this guy was trying to bait me earlier in the thread...i'm guessing he just has an issue with the thread...and fat girls...we gotta put up with this guys presence? i mean, with the anti-fat girl stuff he's spewing, he's no better than a troll really...this is way worse deviation than when we were talking about dating in general lol


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

largenlovely said:


> this guy was trying to bait me earlier in the thread...i'm guessing he just has an issue with the thread...and fat girls...we gotta put up with this guys presence? i mean, with the anti-fat girl stuff he's spewing, he's no better than a troll really...this is way worse deviation than when we were talking about dating in general lol



Personally, I think if it acts like one and smells like one......






LurkingBBW said:


> This man, (and that _may_ be giving him too much credit) is simply here to stir up trouble. He is enjoying all of the responses to his idiocy. Better to just ignore him and hopefully he will go away or at least be having less fun if no one responds to him. Give him attention and he will stay.



I agree completely....this is probably the most attention he has had from women in YEARS.


----------



## Guy

socal-richard-1957 said:


> LOL, you guys never fail to satisfy. Always with the personal attacks. How weak are your opinions when you can only defend them with attacks? LOL


Dude! Get some social skills...Seriously!
:doh:


----------



## KHayes666

mszwebs said:


> I am an SSBBW.
> 
> I have a date.
> 
> That is my current reality.
> 
> Am I in the right thread?



This is gonna be one fun date


----------



## SocialbFly

socal-richard-1957 said:


> You BBWs are so self delusional. If you really believed the things you say, you would have more confidence. You would become so enraged by my posts and need to make ad hominem attacks. The fact that my posts incite such anger tells me that you BBWs are not as secure as you think you are.
> 
> If you believe in something, you should be confident. You should not become so agitated when people question your beliefs.



Just because you have an opinion does not make it correct to voice it, you have an internal voice, and i believe you made more than enough points to say, you should have used that instead. 

to suggest a lack of confidence, just because i dont agree with you, well, is unimpressive, try something brighter and less trite. Don't tackle me with obvious social stereotypes, they dont fit, just like your attitude doesnt fit me either....


----------



## mergirl

this thred started out about dating and ended up all about one big dick! loving the irony.. mer (from my phone so keeping it short n salty) x


----------



## snuggletiger

Ah got to enjoy the twists and turns along the merry way


----------



## ThatFatGirl

mszwebs said:


> I am an SSBBW.
> 
> I have a date.
> 
> That is my current reality.
> 
> Am I in the right thread?





liz (di-va) said:


> I...have one too.
> 
> **slow clap*
> *_yes......yes.....yes....yes...yes..yes..yes! yes! yes! yes!
> _heheheheehehehehe




Yeah!!!! Both of you  

Hope you each have a wonderful time!


----------



## snuggletiger

wow lucky guys and lucky gals. *looks around the room to see if his hair is combed nice and smooth*


----------



## Shosh

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?



Fat women are under achievers? What a horrible thing to say.


----------



## snuggletiger

Susannah said:


> Fat women are under achievers? What a horrible thing to say.



and he wonders why he's single. *Groucho Marxesque eyeroll*


----------



## Victim

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?



You claim to have been with women both fat and thin, but how much actual love did you have for any of them? I might be assuming facts not in evidence, but from the available evidence it _seems_ like you had no confidence in them. A "fat personality" and a "thin personality" are both personalities. There are _people_ inside there. People that need someone to believe in them so they can believe in themselves. It comes back full circle. That fulfilling life you were talking about, It can be even more so if you love your partner enough to believe in them. You'll get back more than you put in because their confidence will benefit you as well.

When it comes to loving the women you are with, make sure YOU aren't the one being the underachiever.


----------



## D_A_Bunny

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?



Dimitri, is that you? I'm sorry I never called back, but my gerbil got cancer and it caused me to slide into a severe depression that even the pills couldn't cure. Oh, and then the gerbil's mother died too.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Ya know, I'm going to politely disagree with you. I think fat people and skinny people are as different as night and day. For example, skinny people are more likely to be involved in outdoor activities and less likely to be obsessed with food. I now weigh 180 but was once 300 and when I was heavy I always thought about food. I was always planning my next meal.
> 
> In fact, in my opinion it's not that there are "fat people" and "skinny people", I see it as "Fat Personalities" and "Skinny Personalities".
> 
> I have much experience dating fat women and skinny women, and the differences between the two are profound.
> 
> These are my experiences and observations, not a scientific study. YMMV





socal-richard-1957 said:


> You BBWs are so self delusional. If you really believed the things you say, you would have more confidence. You would become so enraged by my posts and need to make ad hominem attacks. The fact that my posts incite such anger tells me that you BBWs are not as secure as you think you are.
> 
> If you believe in something, you should be confident. You should not become so agitated when people question your beliefs.





socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?





socal-richard-1957 said:


> LOL, you guys never fail to satisfy. Always with the personal attacks. How weak are your opinions when you can only defend them with attacks? LOL



A little late to this show, sorry. Not to pile on Richard, and I'm guessing you've already moved on to troll safer waters anyway, but you've no idea the caliber of women here. I only know a very few of them personally but you would be very blessed for any one of them to give you so much as the time of day. In addition to being lovely and charming many of these ladies are in positions of leadership and respect in spite of all the societal cards stacked against them. While achieving prosperous and fulfilling careers some of them have also found the time to raise beautiful and well-adjusted children. 

I've been very fortunate in attaining some measure of material success and professional accomplishment. I'm overweight now but I'm a guy. What I've had to deal with is nothing next to what some of these ladies confront and overcome on a daily basis. It's a shame you'll never get to know how brilliant, vibrant and generous any of these ladies are. You'll never enjoy the privilege of the friendship of women who operate so gracefully in a sea of challenges while serving and supporting others. Your loss entirely.

I'm proud and happy to be a member here, as much for what it has taught me about the kind of person I want to be as for the wonderful people I get to meet. I don't know how you managed to alienate yourself so completely in a space that's about acceptance, but you have. I hope for your own good you can get around to owning and accepting that? 

I'm not going to say a single thing against you personally Richard. I won't cast any aspersions on your character, intelligence or merit as a human being. I would, but based on your above comments I just couldn't hope to keep up. Good luck.


----------



## SocialbFly

Ernest Nagel said:


> A little late to this show, sorry. Not to pile on Richard, and I'm guessing you've already moved on to troll safer waters anyway, but you've no idea the caliber of women here. I only know a very few of them personally but you would be very blessed for any one of them to give you so much as the time of day. In addition to being lovely and charming many of these ladies are in positions of leadership and respect in spite of all the societal cards stacked against them. While achieving prosperous and fulfilling careers some of them have also found the time to raise beautiful and well-adjusted children.
> 
> I've been very fortunate in attaining some measure of material success and professional accomplishment. I'm overweight now but I'm a guy. What I've had to deal with is nothing next to what some of these ladies confront and overcome on a daily basis. It's a shame you'll never get to know how brilliant, vibrant and generous any of these ladies are. You'll never enjoy the privilege of the friendship of women who operate so gracefully in a sea of challenges while serving and supporting others. Your loss entirely.
> 
> I'm proud and happy to be a member here, as much for what it has taught me about the kind of person I want to be as for the wonderful people I get to meet. I don't know how you managed to alienate yourself so completely in a space that's about acceptance, but you have. I hope for your own good you can get around to owning and accepting that?
> 
> I'm not going to say a single thing against you personally Richard. I won't cast any aspersions on your character, intelligence or merit as a human being. I would, but based on your above comments I just couldn't hope to keep up. Good luck.




now that is a warm fuzzie...


----------



## Victim

Getting back to the original subject, I see it touched on in the Heath Issues forum, but another reality of dating a SSBBW is the possibility of dealing with PCOS http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PCOS and its associated symptoms. 

One of the symptoms is irregular menstrual cycles. This also means that cramping, bleeding, and of course irritability will continue for much longer than normal, perhaps weeks. Some men and even some women are not comfortable having intercourse during menstruation. 

The opposite condition is also common, in that she might not menstruate for months, making one think she might be pregnant.

Treatment of PCOS is done symptomatically depending on what you DON'T want to experience or what might be medically necessary to treat. 

You might just have to put up with it, but whatever you do, your SSBBW girlfriend is still going to need all the support you can give.


----------



## Tooz

Victim said:


> As much as you'd like to, you may have to go weeks without being able to have intercourse with your SSBBW due to irregular menstrual cycles.



Um, I wasn't aware women couldn't have sex while menstruating .. ?


----------



## Victim

Yes, we do at times, but some men and some women are so turned off by it that many don't want to.


----------



## Tooz

Victim said:


> Yes, we do at times, but some men and some women are so turned off by it that many don't want to.



I'm sorry, but that is ridiculously offensive to me, though I am unsure why.


----------



## snuggletiger

OOooook so someone lacks imagination.


----------



## Victim

I don't find sex during menstruation to be offensive, but I know for a fact that some do, which is why I mentioned it. I'll edit my post to include that so nobody gets the wrong idea about what I'm trying to say.


----------



## Tooz

Victim said:


> I don't find sex during menstruation to be offensive, but I know for a fact that some do, which is why I mentioned it. I'll edit my post to include that so nobody gets the wrong idea about what I'm trying to say.



No, no, I mean the concept of totally ruling out sex during menstruation is offensive to me. It is confusing though, because I'm not sure WHY I feel as such. Though I would really dislike going a week without on principle.


----------



## Victim

There are SO many other things you can do as well. (No, I don't lack imagination...)


----------



## Tooz

Victim said:


> There are SO many other things you can do as well. (No, I don't lack imagination...)



Sort of. Anything resulting in gratification for the female involves the supposed "nasty" area.


----------



## LoveBHMS

Tooz said:


> Sort of. Anything resulting in gratification for the female involves the supposed "nasty" area.



*whisper*

Not always.:blush:


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

I just thought of this last night as I was moving around in my full size bed. If you're thinking of seriously dating a SSBBW, as in she's spending the night and sleeping over, you need to think about the size of your......bed! I need room to move around and get comfy and as much as I love to snuggle, etc. sometimes when I'm sleeping I don't want someone all up on me. And there are only so many places you can move to in a small bed. If I had my way I would have the biggest bed out there, this way if we want to be close we can and if we need space we just roll on over to the other side. 
So I would say that if you're still sleeping in a single bed, for the long term the bed probably wouldn't work.


----------



## LillyBBBW

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> I just thought of this last night as I was moving around in my full size bed. If you're thinking of seriously dating a SSBBW, as in she's spending the night and sleeping over, you need to think about the size of your......bed! I need room to move around and get comfy and as much as I love to snuggle, etc. sometimes when I'm sleeping I don't want someone all up on me. And there are only so many places you can move to in a small bed. If I had my way I would have the biggest bed out there, this way if we want to be close we can and if we need space we just roll on over to the other side.
> So I would say that if you're still sleeping in a single bed, for the long term the bed probably wouldn't work.



I like spooning though. :blush:


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

LillyBBBW said:


> I like spooning though. :blush:



Well, there's a time for spooning, there's a time for forking, then there's a time for.....ah, I ran out of joke.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> Well, there's a time for spooning, there's a time for forking, then there's a time for.....ah, I ran out of joke.



and theres always time for knifey spoonying.


----------



## Victim

What about sporking?


----------



## largenlovely

boy that aint a joke!!! Me and Bruce had to sleep in a single bed over at our friends (Carla and Phil's) house one night...i thought we were gonna become a CSI Miami episode for sure lol. I have a full size bed but we really need to upgrade from that even.



JerseyGirl07093 said:


> you need to think about the size of your......bed!


----------



## Victim

When my wife leaves on vacation in Sept to spend time with her parents I'm building a king size bed frame that can handle our combined weight. When she gets back we'll have to go pick out a mattress. I wonder how many furniture showroom bedframes we can break in the selection process.


----------



## pdgujer148

> I have a full size bed but we really need to upgrade from that even.



IMHO: A full plus a SSBBW is nirvana. Take as much space as possible; push me off the side; I'll only cleave closer.


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

Victim said:


> What about sporking?



One should always carry a spork when dating a SSBBW. You never know when she'll get hungry and need one. :eat1:


----------



## Victim

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> One should always carry a spork when dating a SSBBW. You never know when she'll get hungry and need one. :eat1:



Or when you are trying to access a top secret security vault with a retinal scan and need it carve some dead guy's eye out to stick in the thing.


----------



## stevenbbwlvr

Victim said:


> Yes, we do at times, but some men and some women are so turned off by it that many don't want to.



It's a taboo in many cultures. I once dated a lady who was a Conservative Jew, and she wouldn't, though she'd do other things for me. My ex-girlfriends son is so grossed out by it that he won't go into the drugstore and buy pads for his mom. Some he-man, heh.

There's all kinds of stuff in folklore about how women at their 'time of the month' can cause cows to miscarry, blunt razors, sour milk, etc. Though I think people who believe that sort of thing also think that Passover is a game show, as Dick Cavett once quipped.

There is also an association in the primitive mind between menstruation and snakebite...the idea being, victims of snakebite often bleed from the genitals. Women do this, and don't die; so, they must have an unnatural alliance with snakes.

Don't yell at me, I'm not making this shit up. There is also an anthropologist by the name of Claude Levi-Strauss who attaches a lot of significance to menses and menstruation, though I never read him. The novelist Anthony Burgess mentions him a lot.

As for myself, I'll just lay down a towel and have at it; though I don't have any attraction for it.


----------



## Victim

Another consideration when dating a SSBBW is the fact they have breasts, often very large ones that sit on a very large belly. Sometimes when they are eating, despite how careful they attempt to be, they might spill something on themselves. They sometimes can't lean far enough forward when eating. This isn't a problem with most 'fork foods', generally the SSBBW have been themselves for quite some time and know how to eat. The problem comes from sandwiches, particularly of the fast food variety that will spew glop when you least expect it. 

Be prepared to deal with this and their reaction to this. If you plan on going out dancing don't order the pulled pork with extra sauce.


----------



## BeaBea

Victim said:


> Another consideration when dating a SSBBW is the fact they have breasts, often very large ones that sit on a very large belly. Sometimes when they are eating, despite how careful they attempt to be, they might spill something on themselves. They sometimes can't lean far enough forward when eating. This isn't a problem with most 'fork foods', generally the SSBBW have been themselves for quite some time and know how to eat. The problem comes from sandwiches, particularly of the fast food variety that will spew glop when you least expect it.
> 
> Be prepared to deal with this and their reaction to this. If you plan on going out dancing don't order the pulled pork with extra sauce.



I'm not sure what I find most offensive about your post. The notion that I cant eat without spilling food everywhere - 'spew glop' as you so charmingly put it - or being referred to as 'they' throughout as though I am an alien species. 

Whichever side of that fence I eventually come down on please consider me to be VERY offended by your thoughtless, inaccurate, poorly worded, crass, offensive, generalization. 

Tracey


----------



## snuggletiger

Victim said:


> Another consideration when dating a SSBBW is the fact they have breasts, often very large ones that sit on a very large belly. Sometimes when they are eating, despite how careful they attempt to be, they might spill something on themselves. They sometimes can't lean far enough forward when eating. This isn't a problem with most 'fork foods', generally the SSBBW have been themselves for quite some time and know how to eat. The problem comes from sandwiches, particularly of the fast food variety that will spew glop when you least expect it.
> 
> Be prepared to deal with this and their reaction to this. If you plan on going out dancing don't order the pulled pork with extra sauce.



 a person spills food accidentally skinny or big. Its nothing to draw attention to. I am sure nobody deliberately wants to spill on themselves. Its posts like that that make me feel bad because I know folks lump me in with other folks like that.


----------



## Victim

BeaBea said:


> I'm not sure what I find most offensive about your post. The notion that I cant eat without spilling food everywhere - 'spew glop' as you so charmingly put it - or being referred to as 'they' throughout as though I am an alien species.
> 
> Whichever side of that fence I eventually come down on please consider me to be VERY offended by your thoughtless, inaccurate, poorly worded, crass, offensive, generalization.
> 
> Tracey



Acronyms do that. We are all an alien species of some variety. 

Accuracy - I've seen it happen. It's upsetting to the woman. I do try and be helpful and understanding, but there really isn't much I can do after it happens. 

Thoughtless - I've been thoughtless throughout this entire thread. If I manage to seem considerate to someone for posting something that might be considered thoughtful, please ignore it and just focus on the material that is still displaying thoughtlessness. 

Sorry if this is coming across as a generalization. Certainly I didn't mean to imply that all SSBBW have this problem, even though it probably sounds like that because I suck as a writer. I'm glad you can eat whatever without ever spilling anything. I haven't reached this level of skill yet myself, especially with those gyro sandwiches that seem to leak their tatziki strategically onto my most expensive piece of clothing, despite how well I've been folding the wrapper around the bottom of the sandwich. 

I suppose if you HAD to choose which part to be most offended by, I'd stick with being referred to as a SSBBW and 'They'. You can always demonstrate your ability to eat an entire rack of Tony Roma's ribs without so much as requiring a wet wipe, but it is really hard to get over being referred to as something different than what everyone else apparently is.


----------



## BeaBea

Victim said:


> Accuracy - I've seen it happen. It's upsetting to the woman. I do try and be helpful and understanding, but there really isn't much I can do after it happens.


 
I spill stuff, you spill stuff. Everyone spills stuff at some point. It happens and its no big deal. Implying that it only happens because of big breasts and big bellies is what was inaccurate.



Victim said:


> Thoughtless - I've been thoughtless throughout this entire thread. If I manage to seem considerate to someone for posting something that might be considered thoughtful, please ignore it and just focus on the material that is still displaying thoughtlessness.


 
I felt your post was made from a position of ignorance and bad manners which is why I spoke up. I'm sure that if anyone feels that your post was made from a position of care and loving concern then they'll speak up.... 



Victim said:


> Sorry if this is coming across as a generalization. Certainly I didn't mean to imply that all SSBBW have this problem, even though it probably sounds like that because I suck as a writer. I'm glad you can eat whatever without ever spilling anything. I haven't reached this level of skill yet myself, especially with those gyro sandwiches that seem to leak their tatziki strategically onto my most expensive piece of clothing, despite how well I've been folding the wrapper around the bottom of the sandwich.



Should I assume you spill stuff because of the size of breasts and belly? Want some helpful tips on how to avoid the problem?



Victim said:


> I suppose if you HAD to choose which part to be most offended by, I'd stick with being referred to as a SSBBW and 'They'. You can always demonstrate your ability to eat an entire rack of Tony Roma's ribs without so much as requiring a wet wipe, but it is really hard to get over being referred to as something different than what everyone else apparently is.



Whats hard to get over is your complete lack of apology. 

Tracey


----------



## LillyBBBW

Victim said:


> Another consideration when dating a SSBBW is the fact they have breasts, often very large ones that sit on a very large belly. Sometimes when they are eating, despite how careful they attempt to be, they might spill something on themselves. They sometimes can't lean far enough forward when eating. This isn't a problem with most 'fork foods', generally the SSBBW have been themselves for quite some time and know how to eat. The problem comes from sandwiches, particularly of the fast food variety that will spew glop when you least expect it.
> 
> Be prepared to deal with this and their reaction to this. If you plan on going out dancing don't order the pulled pork with extra sauce.



At the risk of a pie in the face I will come forward and say that I did not take offense at all from your post. This happens to me all the time. Shaking crumbs out of my bra in the ladies room has hapened with astonshing frequency. Tho I do wonder why you felt inclined to mention it here as a 'special' thing in regards to SSBBW dating? A lot of people spill crap on themselves in restaurants and get worked up about it. Skinny chicks douse their tops in club soda in the ladies room too, it's the side effect of being sloppy, drunk and/or in posession of a huge rack. Mentioning it here makes it seem like this is some SSBBW specialty but it's not. Not really. We all live under the Murphy's Law curse of white pants and Italian food. Does it really require a special mention here?


----------



## snuggletiger

Who can eat a whole rack of Tony Roma Ribs without a napkin or a towelette? let me meet that person. I just find the whole thing crass. So people spill, so people get sauce on them, again so what. The only victim here is someone got beaten with the insensitive dummy stick.


----------



## Victim

I AM sorry if I offended you, but what I was pointing out still happens. Of course it doesn't just happen with large breasts and large bellies, it just seems a lot harder to avoid the 'fallout' (literally). 

I will say I'm sorry for appearing to say that all SSBBWs are slobs that don't know how to eat without wearing their food.

I'm not going to say I'm sorry for trying to point out that this CAN happen. It's not at the level of 'love and concern', but more like 'Hey, if this happens, don't be too surprised'.


----------



## Victim

LillyBBBW said:


> At the risk of a pie in the face I will come forward and say that I did not take offense at all from your post. This happens to me all the time. Shaking crumbs out of my bra in the ladies room has hapened with astonshing frequency. Tho I do wonder why you felt inclined to mention it here as a 'special' thing in regards to SSBBW dating? A lot of people spill crap on themselves in restaurants and get worked up about it. Skinny chicks douse their tops in club soda in the ladies room too, it's the side effect of being sloppy, drunk and/or in posession of a huge rack. Mentioning it here makes it seem like this is some SSBBW specialty but it's not. Not really. We all live under the Murphy's Law curse of white pants and Italian food. Does it really require a special mention here?




No, in retrospect it probably didn't. It is just something that we have dealt with I thought might require mention, but I guess it didn't.


----------



## BeaBea

Victim said:


> I'm not going to say I'm sorry for trying to point out that this CAN happen. It's not at the level of 'love and concern', but more like 'Hey, if this happens, don't be too surprised'.



Would it be ok if I posted to warn women that men will spend an entire date staring at your breasts, calculating what they've spent and wondering if they're going to get sex. 

Not ALL of them you understand - but hey, if it happens dont be too surprised :doh:

Tracey


----------



## Tooz

I think he meant well.

I know that I get all KINDS of food between my boobs when I eat. Goes right on down my shirt. While it happens to skinny people, too, it seems to happen to me more.


Heh.


----------



## Victim

LOL, OK I get the point.


----------



## mszwebs

Actually... I have a song that I sing when that situation arrises...lol.

Ok, not really a whole song, but I kinda make a joke about it and sing a line from Gloria Estefan's "Words get in the Way."

Except replace words with boobs.

Look, I never said it was cool.


----------



## KHayes666

mszwebs said:


> Actually... I have a song that I sing when that situation arrises...lol.
> 
> Ok, not really a whole song, but I kinda make a joke about it and sing a line from Gloria Estefan's "Words get in the Way."
> 
> Except replace words with boobs.
> 
> Look, I never said it was cool.



For someone so elegant and articulate such as yourself, you are one of the messiest eaters I've ever seen......of course I mean that as a compliment


----------



## mszwebs

KHayes666 said:


> For someone so elegant and articulate such as yourself, you are one of the messiest eaters I've ever seen......of course I mean that as a compliment




Ok Hayes. It was PASTA. With no sauce, and only parmasean cheese to hold it together! Of COURSE its gonna be messy. 



And I have big boobs, which got in the way.


----------



## KHayes666

mszwebs said:


> Ok Hayes. It was PASTA. With no sauce, and only parmasean cheese to hold it together! Of COURSE its gonna be messy.
> 
> 
> 
> And I have big boobs, which got in the way.



Am I really going to complain about you having big boobs? Honestly...lol

Im just messing with you, I had a great time....even if your eating habits rival that of my 3 year old cousin


----------



## Victim

"I'd like 42 pizzas, six without crust!" - Wakko Warner, Animaniacs.


----------



## mszwebs

KHayes666 said:


> Am I really going to complain about you having big boobs? Honestly...lol
> 
> Im just messing with you, I had a great time....even if your eating habits rival that of my 3 year old cousin



You're dead lol 



/resume thread


----------



## KHayes666

mszwebs said:


> You're dead lol
> 
> 
> 
> /resume thread



Yipe

*hides behind shower curtain*

youll never catch me alive


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

KHayes666 said:


> Am I really going to complain about you having big boobs? Honestly...lol
> 
> Im just messing with you, I had a great time....even if your eating habits rival that of my 3 year old cousin


Hayes, you're such a ladies man. You know JUST how to talk to a woman. I mean, who can resist you after you tell them they eat like a three year old? J, try not to drive over there and jump his bones RIGHT NOW. I know it will be difficult to refrain.

lmao


----------



## KHayes666

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Hayes, you're such a ladies man. You know JUST how to talk to a woman. I mean, who can resist you after you tell them they eat like a three year old? J, try not to drive over there and jump his bones RIGHT NOW. I know it will be difficult to refrain.
> 
> lmao



Here let me help you with this one. 

*Drives over to your place wearing a blue 3 piece suit with a, yellow tie, black derby hat and red shoes, walks up to your door, rings the bell, you answer. I say nothing and just walk in the door and head over to the bookcase and pulls out the dictionary then walks back over to you*

Hi...do you know the term "kidding around" and what it means? Ok, thank you.

*Puts the dictionary back and moonwalks out of the house into the sunset as you stand there and look *


----------



## LillyBBBW

KHayes666 said:


> Here let me help you with this one.
> 
> *Drives over to your place wearing a blue 3 piece suit with a, yellow tie, black derby hat and red shoes, walks up to your door, rings the bell, you answer. I say nothing and just walk in the door and head over to the bookcase and pulls out the dictionary then walks back over to you*
> 
> Hi...do you know the term "kidding around" and what it means? Ok, thank you.
> 
> *Puts the dictionary back and moonwalks out of the house into the sunset as you stand there and look *



Looks at what? Surely she's BLIND at that point thanks to your outfit.


----------



## sweet&fat

LillyBBBW said:


> Looks at what? Surely she's BLIND at that point thanks to your outfit.



Ha ha ha!!!


----------



## KHayes666

LillyBBBW said:


> Looks at what? Surely she's BLIND at that point thanks to your outfit.



Ok, next time I'll wear a pink tie instead of yellow....honest mistake Lilly ;-)


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

You goofball. If you'd practice what you'd preach, it'd be obvious I was also goofing around. Psssst...the "lmao" was a clue.....

Also...finding it incredibly hard to post now....can't...see...luckily I can touch-type...


----------



## D_A_Bunny

KHayes666 said:


> Ok, next time I'll wear a pink tie instead of yellow....honest mistake Lilly ;-)



A pink tie would NOT match with the red shoes. You should stick with the yellow tie. And I am NOT kidding around.



ok, maybe a little


----------



## KHayes666

DumbAssBunny said:


> A pink tie would NOT match with the red shoes. You should stick with the yellow tie. And I am NOT kidding around.
> 
> 
> 
> ok, maybe a little



maybe Detective Lassiter will help me with my wardrobe problems


----------



## Sandie S-R

Victim said:


> When my wife leaves on vacation in Sept to spend time with her parents I'm building a king size bed frame that can handle our combined weight. When she gets back we'll have to go pick out a mattress. I wonder how many furniture showroom bedframes we can break in the selection process.



We have a store bought frame and Cal-King bed that work perfectly. Guy and I are both big. I'm 380#, and Guy is 270#. So what he did was place cinder blocks in strategic places under the bed frame, and "viola"... super sturdy bed. We've been in this bed now for 12 years and it is still holding up quite well. 

You might want to try the cinder blocks. They really work.


----------



## Surlysomething

I have a 'boob-shelf'. Stuff is just gonna land there, nothing I can do about it.

I bought a Tide Pen. Haha.


----------



## supersoup

tide pens are most helpful for 'spewing glop'.

ask the brits!! miss scrumptiousvoluptuous took mine, she was so excited about it!


----------



## Victim

You know, I thought I stuck my foot in my mouth with that post, but the responses later on seemed to make it worth it.


----------



## Gingembre

What's a tide pen?


----------



## supersoup

Gingembre said:


> What's a tide pen?



it's a marvelous stain remover! it comes in a plastic pen, and when you spill, like wine down your shirt, you pull this bad boy out, rub it over the stain, and it disappears!!

i always have one in my purse.


----------



## Surlysomething

Gingembre said:


> What's a tide pen?


 

It's called Tide to Go-Instant Stain Remover and is a little portable pen thingie that Tide detergent makes where you can squish the liquid onto a stain that you have and the stain comes out. Concentrated cleaner. It's a lifesaver for spillage.


----------



## Surlysomething

supersoup said:


> it's a marvelous stain remover! it comes in a plastic pen, and when you spill, like wine down your shirt, you pull this bad boy out, rub it over the stain, and it disappears!!
> 
> i always have one in my purse.


 

Damn, you beat me!


----------



## Gingembre

Oh cool! Thanks x


----------



## BeaBea

supersoup said:


> tide pens are most helpful for 'spewing glop'



Does it come in Super Size?


----------



## jewels_mystery

supersoup said:


> it's a marvelous stain remover! it comes in a plastic pen, and when you spill, like wine down your shirt, you pull this bad boy out, rub it over the stain, and it disappears!!
> 
> i always have one in my purse.



I love the tide pen. Best thing that has been created in a long time. lol


----------



## snuggletiger

Better then sliced bread?


----------



## AlethaBBW

I never go anywhere without my Tide pen! When I got together in May with my BHM dad, my mom, my BHM uncle, and aunt for dinner, we all passed the tide pen around the table after our pasta tossed in olive oil left spots on our shirts. Worked like a charm.

Maybe we need a new thread...things to pack in your fattie survival kit. Tide pens would be included.


----------



## ~nai'a~

It's better than sliced bread!

Oh yes!


----------



## Reenaye Starr

This lack of ability is the only things I hate about being an SSBBW. and I said it... hate. I love the size and shape of my body. I love the food I get to eat. I hate that I can no longer walk around an amusement park for hours without feeling like warmed over death the next day. But the booth and car thing... I don't mind. Just sit at a table and get a bigger car. LOL.



largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell


----------



## AlethaBBW

Reenaye Starr said:


> This lack of ability is the only things I hate about being an SSBBW. and I said it... hate. I love the size and shape of my body. I love the food I get to eat. I hate that I can no longer walk around an amusement park for hours without feeling like warmed over death the next day.



This is where my scooter has saved my life. I was literally confined to the sidelines until I got it. Just walking around in the mall could put me in bed for 24hrs afterward. Now that I have a scooter (as well as using the ones available at big stores, parks, and such), the world is wide open to me again.

A funny thing about riding a scooter...guys come out of woodwork to talk to me and flirt when I'm on one! It's _crazy_, yo. I don't get it, but I do enjoy it :wubu: and am not about to complain. Maybe it gives them an opener to start a conversation, or maybe guys just like mechanical things, but either way, my scooter has turned out to be an unexpected man magnet.

Anyway, try renting one when you go to an amusement park - it will save a lot of wear and tear on your body.


----------



## LiLaKuhJunge

mszwebs said:


> Actually... I have a song that I sing when that situation arrises...lol.



Hard to resist, really ;-)

LilaKuhjunge


----------



## LiLaKuhJunge

LillyBBBW said:


> stand up quickly, toss your drink in his face, storm off, hail a cab
> excuse yourself to the bathroom, climb out a windown, hail a cab
> have a friend call your cell phone at 7:48 pm. Answer and pretend it's a client ranting and raving and demanding to see you NOW. Excuse yourself, hail a cab.
> order the most expensive thing on the menu. Pick at it daintily leaving most of it rotted and mutilated on your plate. Thank him for a lovely evening, tell him you won't kiss or have sex till marriage, hail a cab.



That is when you dated Frankenstein by accident ;-)
Let's assume you did not...

LilaKuhJunge


----------



## KHayes666

Reenaye Starr said:


> This lack of ability is the only things I hate about being an SSBBW. and I said it... hate. I love the size and shape of my body. I love the food I get to eat. I hate that I can no longer walk around an amusement park for hours without feeling like warmed over death the next day. But the booth and car thing... I don't mind. Just sit at a table and get a bigger car. LOL.



So I take it you don't wish to accompany me to the Barnstable Fair next summer? lol honestly though, it is pretty sad something so beautiful comes at a major price.


----------



## Wagimawr

KHayes666 said:


> honestly though, it is pretty sad something so beautiful comes at a major price.


so *headdesk* fucking *headdesk* true


----------



## Shosh

LillyBBBW said:


> At the risk of a pie in the face I will come forward and say that I did not take offense at all from your post. This happens to me all the time. Shaking crumbs out of my bra in the ladies room has hapened with astonshing frequency. Tho I do wonder why you felt inclined to mention it here as a 'special' thing in regards to SSBBW dating? A lot of people spill crap on themselves in restaurants and get worked up about it. Skinny chicks douse their tops in club soda in the ladies room too, it's the side effect of being sloppy, drunk and/or in posession of a huge rack. Mentioning it here makes it seem like this is some SSBBW specialty but it's not. Not really. We all live under the Murphy's Law curse of white pants and Italian food. Does it really require a special mention here?



Oh man Lil I do not own any white clothing at all because I am forever spilling stuff down the front of me!
Everybody spills stuff on themselves sometimes.


----------



## Shosh

Jaded said:


> This is where my scooter has saved my life. I was literally confined to the sidelines until I got it. Just walking around in the mall could put me in bed for 24hrs afterward. Now that I have a scooter (as well as using the ones available at big stores, parks, and such), the world is wide open to me again.
> 
> A funny thing about riding a scooter...guys come out of woodwork to talk to me and flirt when I'm on one! It's _crazy_, yo. I don't get it, but I do enjoy it :wubu: and am not about to complain. Maybe it gives them an opener to start a conversation, or maybe guys just like mechanical things, but either way, my scooter has turned out to be an unexpected man magnet.
> 
> Anyway, try renting one when you go to an amusement park - it will save a lot of wear and tear on your body.



I refused the offer of a fully paid for scooter as I thought that it may stigmatize me as being disabled, and what man would want to know a woman on a scooter etc?
I may have to rethink this in light of your experience. Maybe I might meet a cute guy while I am cruising along.


----------



## Victim

I've been referred to as a dichotomy more than once.

Sometimes you get the creamy filling, and sometimes you get the crunchy shell. Then there are the rare times you bite into a piece of wrapper that got left behind and it is now lodged between your teeth and being an annoyance.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Susannah said:


> Oh man Lil I do not own any white clothing at all because I am forever spilling stuff down the front of me!
> Everybody spills stuff on themselves sometimes.



I'm good for spilling oils on the front of my clothes, then I have this permanent oil spot and my good shirt is ruined. Anybody have any recipies fro getting oil spots out of clothes?

*Heads to the clothing forum*


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

LillyBBBW said:


> I'm good for spilling oils on the front of my clothes, then I have this permanent oil spot and my good shirt is ruined. Anybody have any recipies fro getting oil spots out of clothes?
> 
> *Heads to the clothing forum*



Have you tried pouring a good brand of liquid detergent on it directly, rubbing it in and letting it wait overnight before washing it? (Wisk works really well, IMO)

That tends to help with a lot of those oily looking type spots on my clothes....


----------



## LillyBBBW

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Have you tried pouring a good brand of liquid detergent on it directly, rubbing it in and letting it wait overnight before washing it? (Wisk works really well, IMO)
> 
> That tends to help with a lot of those oily looking type spots on my clothes....



I've tried a couple of times with a favorite gray baseball shirt I love and it hasn't worked.  Maybe I'm using a bad detergent.


----------



## Gingembre

LillyBBBW said:


> I've tried a couple of times with a favorite gray baseball shirt I love and it hasn't worked.  Maybe I'm using a bad detergent.



Have you tried ironing over the mark with some brown paper between the shirt and the iron? It draws the oil out...might not work after it's been washed a coupla times though *shrugs*


----------



## stevenbbwlvr

LillyBBBW said:


> I've tried a couple of times with a favorite gray baseball shirt I love and it hasn't worked.  Maybe I'm using a bad detergent.



Some acetone might do the trick, though if this is a shirt with an ironed on applique design, it might take that off too.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Gingembre said:


> Have you tried ironing over the mark with some brown paper between the shirt and the iron? It draws the oil out...might not work after it's been washed a coupla times though *shrugs*



I've thought of puttintg some kind of pretreater on the oil spot and ironing over it with some paper or cloth in between.


----------



## Shosh

I have had to throw away several tops because of oil stains that I could not get out. I wonder if anything will truely get the stain out completely?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Lilly, try wisk...it used to get out things like brake fluid back when I worked in a garage. Rub it in really good, toss it in the bottom of the hamper and forget about it for a few days until it's time to do laundry. 

Also, I have heard that dish soap is supposed to be good for stains because it's chemically formulated to cut grease...it might be worth a shot.


----------



## snuggletiger

Woolite & Heloise or toothpaste wouldn't that help.


----------



## Shosh

I think we need to start a seperate stain tips/laundry thread!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

snuggletiger said:


> Woolite & Heloise or toothpaste wouldn't that help.




You read my mind...I was googling up some helpful hints 

http://www.telacommunications.com/nutshell/hints/stain-removal.html

http://members.tripod.com/~Barefoot_Lass/index-2.html


----------



## LillyBBBW

Susannah said:


> I think we need to start a seperate stain tips/laundry thread!



We already have! 
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=44520


----------



## Shosh

LillyBBBW said:


> We already have!
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=44520



Good. This shall become my bible then as I am forever spilling stuff.


----------



## stevenbbwlvr

snuggletiger said:


> a person spills food accidentally skinny or big. Its nothing to draw attention to. I am sure nobody deliberately wants to spill on themselves. Its posts like that that make me feel bad because I know folks lump me in with other folks like that.



I am quite thin, and I spill food and other crap on myself all the time.


----------



## CausticSodaPop

stevenbbwlvr said:


> I am quite thin, and I spill food and other crap on myself all the time.


Ditto. I'm thin and yet spill more food down myself than my wife does, though we're both pretty hopeless when it comes to eating tidily in this household. Last year, she made a pair of bibs out of that wipe-clean oil-cloth fabric (the kind that's used for tablecloths) and now we wear those when dining at home. We look ridiculous, but it's saved quite a lot of favourite-shirt-ruined type angst!


----------



## shazz2602

see my thing is if he has a smaller car i use mine! well if he doesnt wanna be driven by a chick he should have a bigger car for my huge rear! and being also 6ft tall some cars for me are almost like sitting in a match box


----------



## Cali Rock Climber

What if I lead a really active lifestyle and I'm also very socially conscious. I care about the environment and try to leave as small a carbon footprint behind as possible. I don't even own a car. I walk, bike, or take mass transit to wherever I need to get to (here in San Francisco it's really quite easy since most of the city is walkable, albeit hilly, and the light rail and subway systems are also fairly convenient).

Yet at the same time, a dream of mine has always been to get with a SSBBW. I would be willing to comprimise somewhat on my lifestyle choices and just hope they would also be willing to do likewise. Is there any future between me and my dream woman?


----------



## LillyBBBW

Cali Rock Climber said:


> What if I lead a really active lifestyle and I'm also very socially conscious. I care about the environment and try to leave as small a carbon footprint behind as possible. I don't even own a car. I walk, bike, or take mass transit to wherever I need to get to (here in San Francisco it's really quite easy since most of the city is walkable, albeit hilly, and the light rail and subway systems are also fairly convenient).
> 
> Yet at the same time, a dream of mine has always been to get with a SSBBW. I would be willing to comprimise somewhat on my lifestyle choices and just hope they would also be willing to do likewise. Is there any future between me and my dream woman?



It depends on the woman. If she's 450 pounds there's no way you can expect her to go traipsing up and down the hills of San Francisco with you on foot. If you are one of those bike riding types there are good bikes she can use but they are very expensive and you would have to keep pace with her, not the other way around. Even if she can keep up with you physically the action will be causing her harm. You will have to make frequent stops and that may not be to your liking either. 

She might be able to tag along with you more often on a medical scooter but both of you would have to be over the mental trauma of having her riding along side you in it. (They run on electricity so there's no emissions problem there) You could possibly be grinding your teeth watching her ride that thing knowing that she is physically capable of much more. Remember though that she has 450 pounds of pressure clobbering down on her hips, joints and the soles of her feet. It's cumulative damage to her body regardless of her cardiovascular fitness level. The point is to *keep* her healthy and in tact so she can stay active, not cripple her. After a day of activity expect that she will be sore and possibly not able to go with you again the next time. 

The bottom line is she will not be able to keep up with you so either you will have to slow down signifigantly, allow her to speed up with some mechanical help or go it solo from time to time. Both of you have to be willing to work together to make it happen without any mental hangups about whatever means is necessary.


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## liz (di-va)

Cali Rock Climber said:


> What if I lead a really active lifestyle and I'm also very socially conscious. I care about the environment and try to leave as small a carbon footprint behind as possible. I don't even own a car. I walk, bike, or take mass transit to wherever I need to get to (here in San Francisco it's really quite easy since most of the city is walkable, albeit hilly, and the light rail and subway systems are also fairly convenient).
> 
> Yet at the same time, a dream of mine has always been to get with a SSBBW. I would be willing to comprimise somewhat on my lifestyle choices and just hope they would also be willing to do likewise. Is there any future between me and my dream woman?



Interesting question...not sure what the answer is. I guess it depends on what "get with" is .

I was thinking....in relationships you almost always have to accommodate the other person's physical reality in some ways. They are allergic to shellfish, their feet swell when it's above 80, they're fainters, they need an epinephrine pen for bee stings...whatever. Being with a SSBBW person probably challenges the average non-fat person's reality fairly hard, but you know...not wholesale. We're still people, and there are fat people out there just as concerned with carbon footprints in ways we can...

I guess I mean, Lilly's right: if you're willing to work with somebody a new reality is entirely possible. Could be pretty interesting. 

Not to mention, any time you are forced to see the world through somebody else's eyes, it's a good thing. It's good to break out of your own physical world. There are a lot of people who can't walk the hills of SF for a lot of reasons, including people who used to be able to and can't now...what should they do? How do we all work together to be engaged in the world?


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## Victim

There are physically active SSBBWs, I'm married to one. We go on very long walks and hike on low impact trails.


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## Rowan

Victim said:


> There are physically active SSBBWs, I'm married to one. We go on very long walks and hike on low impact trails.



No one is saying there arent...but sometimes, allowances have to be made, such as in this case, where he is uber active and the bbw/ssbbw may not be the freakin speedy gonzales that he is.


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## Victim

Rowan said:


> No one is saying there arent...but sometimes, allowances have to be made, such as in this case, where he is uber active and the bbw/ssbbw may not be the freakin speedy gonzales that he is.



The allowances can actually be fun, to slow down a bit or live your life from another perspective. That is what sharing your life is all about.


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## Ray Ros

Perfectly said...the supersizd girls hv special needs and are also limitd in many
respcts...I knw frm experience....But at times, like u say...we jst don't realize that..,we r clueless.., and we take it fr grantd u can do anythng a regulr gal can..,finally,,.some of us r very tight frm th financial point of view....Wht a shame but it's true....Wil always love'em , thoug....RAY


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Can I buy some vowels please?


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## KHayes666

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Can I buy some vowels please?



*sings* Ohhhhheeeeeayeeeeaaaaaaaa....aaaaaeeeeeioooyouuuuuuuuuuuuuu


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## Surlysomething

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Can I buy some vowels please?


 

Haha. No kidding.


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## ZyggyKrykkyt

:doh:I'll admit - a guy like me does not think down enough roads of "what ifs" in general, and I doubt if many do, but I would be understanding once clued in or corrected of the various situations. Many guys would probably want a growing woman in fantasy, but once faced with harsh realities like reduced mobility, not being able to take the bus or fly coach, or even special-ordered apparel, they would undoubtedly fall into society's general disdain and lose heart. You're absolutely right - if the man grows disingenuous and even snarky at these issues and sees them as "dilemmas" or "embarrassments", he's not in love. Couldn't be. Thank you for giving me something to remember in case I'm ever in a relationship with a large lady again - it's vital to know "am I in love this much or not?".


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## Happy FA

I've read this thread for some time and there have been many very outstanding posts. If I was more of a rep hound I probably would be repping lots of the posters. In my real life world I do have a SSBBW girlfriend and one thing that I've discovered that is perhaps useful, and hasn't been already mentioned is the difference between what folks say about SSBBW's in general and my SSBBW specifically. 

Last I checked there isn't a factory stamping out a million of one model of ssbbw and a few hundred thousand of another model. Each woman is a separate, different, special, unique human being. And we human beings are different in many ways, and are different from day to day. What works for us today might not work tomorrow and vice versa. What one similarly sized person can do easily might be impossible for another. As one builds a relationship with someone else(and this isn't limited to relationships with bbws or ssbbws), the key element is listening to what your partner is saying, both in the words they say and don't say, and the body language that's saying I'm struggling or am uncomfortable or this is just right.

As someone who is active and able to walk miles and miles and up and down hills(yes, I've walked up and down the hills of San Francisco) despite being a BHM my unthinking self blithely assumes that anyone else can do the same. Perhaps its just the way we're wired that we assume that everyone else is like we are. But, if you are with someone else, whether a business associate, an acquaintance, friend or lover, it is good practice to keep track of the other person and whether what you're doing has to be adjusted to make them more comfortable.

In dealing with a ssbbw, and in my case the one I adore, I have a pretty detailed understanding of what she can and can't do and what pushes her to the extent that she'll be negatively affected thereafter(i.e. wiped out from pushing herself too hard) because of two things. One is that I see the result(such as she says I can't and has to stop and sit down), and the other is because we communicate before we do something. The first way is the pits and creates pain, unhappiness, embarrassment for her and angst. The second way makes us closer and happier.

So, I guess I have two things I wanted to add to the very good posts in the thread.

1. Focus on what works for your SSBBW, not what others can or can't do, and more importantly what works for her now in the condition and frame of mind/body she's in now. What others can and can't do is helpful and useful to know, but not a useful guide to what your ssbbw would like to do so that you and she enjoy yourselves.

2. Communicate(i.e. talk to each other). About what you want to do, how to do it, what's too much or too hard or too tiring. Make choices... if you can't do two things which you want to do, but only one, talk about that and make a joint decision. Don't force her to do both things you want to do(or she wants to do) so that she will be miserable, in pain, disappointed, etc.


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## goldendiamondeyes

UncannyBruceman said:


> As a light sleeper (I've been woken up by cats walking around in the house), this is one of the few things I have problems with. Nothing that a shot of Bendryl can't cure for me.




My ex would always sleep upside down in bed from me....(him at my feet and me at his).... That always made me feel so bad.. I hated it... And another thing was when we slept I was never allowed to touch him,,, He was so cruel that he would lay on his stomach and place his hands out from him 6 inches at the least and IF I touched then he took his fist and punched my sides until I moved away.....I WILL NEVER ALLOY ANYONE TO TREAT ME THIS WAY AGAIN... Some of these so called FA's have no ghostly IDEA what it takes to live with a SSBBW.....GET A CLUE GUYS!


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## Surlysomething

goldendiamondeyes said:


> My ex would always sleep upside down in bed from me....(him at my feet and me at his).... That always made me feel so bad.. I hated it... And another thing was when we slept I was never allowed to touch him,,, He was so cruel that he would lay on his stomach and place his hands out from him 6 inches at the least and IF I touched then he took his fist and punched my sides until I moved away.....I WILL NEVER ALLOY ANYONE TO TREAT ME THIS WAY AGAIN... Some of these so called FA's have no ghostly IDEA what it takes to live with a SSBBW.....GET A CLUE GUYS!



One PUNCH and he's be out the door, seriously. That's bullshit.


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## Green Eyed Fairy

Shit, one punch and the fucker should have been in jail. Let him try that shit on a jail cot......


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## Victim

I have to sleep head to toe because we only have a double bed and Theresa's CPAP needs a bit more room too. I was going to build us a king size bedframe while she is gone, but we're putting that on hold until later.

Don't punch me.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Shit, one punch and the fucker should have been in jail. Let him try that shit on a jail cot......



One punch and I'D be in jail!!! I'd beat him to within an inch of his life.


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## Green Eyed Fairy

Victim said:


> I have to sleep head to toe because we only have a double bed and Theresa's CPAP needs a bit more room too. I was going to build us a king size bedframe while she is gone, but we're putting that on hold until later.
> 
> Don't punch me.



Lol, I slept this way for years, too. 
First because the bed was small and that gave us more room in it.
After we had a bigger place/bed, I continued to sleep that way because he snored a lot and that made it easier not to be awoken from it. Also, he gave me some good foot massages that way


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## Victim

If she turns over onto her belly without putting on her CPAP mask, that's the cue for a footrub. A calf pounding also helps.

BTW guys, if you want enough points to make the BONUS ROUND with a SSBBW, don't go for the obvious after she takes off her bra. A backscratch on the bra line is what is called for here.


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## jewels_mystery

goldendiamondeyes said:


> My ex would always sleep upside down in bed from me....(him at my feet and me at his).... That always made me feel so bad.. I hated it... And another thing was when we slept I was never allowed to touch him,,, He was so cruel that he would lay on his stomach and place his hands out from him 6 inches at the least and IF I touched then he took his fist and punched my sides until I moved away.....I WILL NEVER ALLOY ANYONE TO TREAT ME THIS WAY AGAIN... Some of these so called FA's have no ghostly IDEA what it takes to live with a SSBBW.....GET A CLUE GUYS!



Iam so glad your out of that relationship. If it was me, I would be serving time for assault.


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## olwen

Victim said:


> If she turns over onto her belly without putting on her CPAP mask, that's the cue for a footrub. A calf pounding also helps.
> 
> BTW guys, if you want enough points to make the BONUS ROUND with a SSBBW, don't go for the obvious after she takes off her bra. A backscratch on the bra line is what is called for here.



Oooh that's a good one. Seriously. I was just thinking about how the bra I word yesterday left itchy lines in my sides yesterday. Scratching felt soooo good.


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## squidgemonster

Hi Carl here,as im currently paired up with a very beautiful SSBBW,I thought I would say a few words.
When we are together I go out of my way to ensure she is comfortable,although due to past issues she rarely leaves her home,when we do she has a big comfortable car to sit in,in the back as shes too big to fit in the front,and we park up somewhere quiet and I join her for a cuddle or three.
I have to be aware at all times that she is still very aware of her size and worries about what others might say,there are a lot of shallow folks in the UK and has been verbally abused in the past.
At nearly 600lbs immobility was a very close thing,fortunately she has lost 113lbs to date and is noticing a difference.
I watch her in case she needs any help,and love to hold her hand to show how proud I am of her,its going to take a lot of coaxing to fully get her out of her shell,I just hope I get there one day as I love her very much.
I will not reveal her identity but has occassionally posted here before,and looks like a shorter version of Big Belly SSBBW Donni,and with that much belly too (squidge Squidge yum)
We live 300 miles apart and the distance can be a problem,but I have made my home as SSBBW friendly as possible,reinforced bed,extra stair rails etc,
Just having the money to convert the bathroom now,are there any uk ssbbws who have managed to get a disability grant to help with the cost
Im working but not on a big salary.
All input appreciated Carl.


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## Emma

Victim said:


> BTW guys, if you want enough points to make the BONUS ROUND with a SSBBW, don't go for the obvious after she takes off her bra. A backscratch on the bra line is what is called for here.



That is so true!


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## luv_lovehandles

I have never been with a ssbbw. For me it is more of a fantasy then anything else.. But this thread has been fun to read and has a lot of learning in it too, thank you op.


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## Victim

All you REALLY have to remember is to be there for her and share your life with her. The good and the bad. There will be some things to learn, but if you learn them together it will all work out.


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## JerseyGirl07093

I've been thinking about this thread a lot lately. I'm a SSBBW and recently I've hurt my knee (It's a knee I've injured before) and have been getting around on crutches, if I can even get around at all. Things have been very hard for me to do and I don't have anyone else to help me besides my kids. (And you can imagine how thrilled they are to be asked to do things that I usually do) I wonder if I had a partner if things like this would bother them and I also wonder how I'll ever find a partner when I've got 'problems' like this. It's not like people are exactly jumping through hoops to date us fat girls but how many are gonna jump for a fat one with a crutch. Just something I've been thinking about lately.


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## squidgemonster

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> I've been thinking about this thread a lot lately. I'm a SSBBW and recently I've hurt my knee (It's a knee I've injured before) and have been getting around on crutches, if I can even get around at all. Things have been very hard for me to do and I don't have anyone else to help me besides my kids. (And you can imagine how thrilled they are to be asked to do things that I usually do) I wonder if I had a partner if things like this would bother them and I also wonder how I'll ever find a partner when I've got 'problems' like this. It's not like people are exactly jumping through hoops to date us fat girls but how many are gonna jump for a fat one with a crutch. Just something I've been thinking about lately.



I am not shallow enough to let mobility problems get in the way of true love,my SSBBW girlfriend has at times struggled to waddle 15 feet to the bathroom,and could only stand for a minute or so,she feels a little more mobile after losing over 110 pounds (shes still over 470) and has recently left her home for the first time in over 5 years,so in a nutshell if a partner cares enough crutches wont get in the way,and I really hope you find that guy.


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## chocolate desire

You are a good man Carl I wish you and your ssbbw alot of happiness.



squidgemonster said:


> I am not shallow enough to let mobility problems get in the way of true love,my SSBBW girlfriend has at times struggled to waddle 15 feet to the bathroom,and could only stand for a minute or so,she feels a little more mobile after losing over 110 pounds (shes still over 470) and has recently left her home for the first time in over 5 years,so in a nutshell if a partner cares enough crutches wont get in the way,and I really hope you find that guy.


----------



## Mikey

goldendiamondeyes said:


> My ex would always sleep upside down in bed from me....(him at my feet and me at his).... That always made me feel so bad.. I hated it... And another thing was when we slept I was never allowed to touch him,,, He was so cruel that he would lay on his stomach and place his hands out from him 6 inches at the least and IF I touched then he took his fist and punched my sides until I moved away.....I WILL NEVER ALLOY ANYONE TO TREAT ME THIS WAY AGAIN... Some of these so called FA's have no ghostly IDEA what it takes to live with a SSBBW.....GET A CLUE GUYS!



He PUNCHED you? Good to hear he is an ex...there is NO excuse for that!! This is how Lorena Bobett got her start.


----------



## squidgemonster

chocolate desire said:


> You are a good man Carl I wish you and your ssbbw alot of happiness.



Thank you so much,Chocolate desire,you are a beautiful woman too,and hop you find or have found someone who cares about you as much as I care about my big beauty.


----------



## goodthings

liz (di-va) said:


> The hardest physical situation on earth for me is a cocktail party. Standing around (because of back probs, etc.) is really really hard, harder than walking, even. Cocktail parties, museums, some rock shows. Not every one's like this--at all--but just throwing it out there as a possible minefield. This fact, and the lack of ways to accomodate the problem (i.e., no easy ways to sit down), interfere with my socializing more than almost anything! Since I don't usually get invited to run marathons.



The worst for me is patio's. Most outdoor restaurants and coffee chops have the plastic chairs that I am petrified of, especially the ones with arms!!


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## BeaBea

Victim said:


> All you REALLY have to remember is to be there for her and share your life with her. The good and the bad. There will be some things to learn, but if you learn them together it will all work out.



Sorry, but how is that specific to SSBBW's? Surely thats true of every woman, and man, and relationship!


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## Victim

Yeah, but you can't remind people of it enough.


----------



## squidge dumpling

chocolate desire said:


> You are a good man Carl I wish you and your ssbbw alot of happiness.



thank you so much chocolate desire for wishing us alot of happiness


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## IDigHeavyGuys

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Mum: how come this seat is so low? what is with the passenger side?
> 
> Me: uhhhhh ..
> 
> Mum: .. oh dear god, it's because you date fat girls isn't it?
> 
> Me: .. I rule (can't actually remember if this was my exact response or not, but close enough)




This made me laugh SO HARD!!!!!! Thanks, man!


----------



## squidgemonster

IDigHeavyGuys said:


> This made me laugh SO HARD!!!!!! Thanks, man!



My mum does this to me too,she is a size 12 (uk) and always has a weekly dig at me for liking BBWs.I am learning selective hearing techniques lol.


----------



## Shosh

squidgemonster said:


> My mum does this to me too,she is a size 12 (uk) and always has a weekly dig at me for liking BBWs.I am learning selective hearing techniques lol.



Why does your mother criticize your preference?


----------



## squidgemonster

Susannah said:


> Why does your mother criticize your preference?



Susannah,My mother has done it since I was a teenager,Im sorry to say that if she wasnt my mum I wouldnt be friends with her.
After today my activity on this site will be much reduced,but I will be with you in spirit ok.


----------



## Shosh

squidgemonster said:


> Susannah,My mother has done it since I was a teenager,Im sorry to say that if she wasnt my mum I wouldnt be friends with her.
> After today my activity on this site will be much reduced,but I will be with you in spirit ok.




If your mother loves you she should respect your choices in life. Love is unconditional.

Why are you leaving?


----------



## squidgemonster

Susannah said:


> If your mother loves you she should respect your choices in life. Love is unconditional.
> 
> Why are you leaving?



Im not leaving, I am just reducing my activity here due to workload,and Im not happy with some things that go on here.


----------



## Emma

squidgemonster said:


> Susannah,My mother has done it since I was a teenager,Im sorry to say that if she wasnt my mum I wouldnt be friends with her.
> After today my activity on this site will be much reduced,but I will be with you in spirit ok.



No please don't. I'm really sorry


----------



## squidgemonster

CurvyEm said:


> No please don't. I'm really sorry



I am quite sensitive to destructive criticism,and that rubs off on my GF,so I am going to be more careful ,and in some cases,keep my opinions to myself.
I care about every single one of you,and as long as no-one tries to break me down that will always be the case.((((em))))


----------



## BeaBea

Susannah said:


> If your mother loves you she should respect your choices in life. Love is unconditional.



Bald statements like that are every bit as helpful as 'All you have to do to lose weight is eat less.' I'm sure everyones Mother SHOULD be perfect and yes, love SHOULD be unconditional but in the real world it's rarely like that. 

Hang in there Squidgemonster - I have a complicated relationship with my Mother too. I love her dearly, and I like her too, but the subject of my weight is a complete no-go area which is a shame. I'm working on getting her to accept my choices but we're now twenty five years in and the progress is minimal - lol. I'm sure if you asked her she would say the same about getting me to accept HER choices 

I enjoy your contributions here and I hope that when your work load lifts you'll be able to come back!

Tracey x


----------



## Shosh

BeaBea said:


> Bald statements like that are every bit as helpful as 'All you have to do to lose weight is eat less.' I'm sure everyones Mother SHOULD be perfect and yes, love SHOULD be unconditional but in the real world it's rarely like that.
> 
> Hang in there Squidgemonster - I have a complicated relationship with my Mother too. I love her dearly, and I like her too, but the subject of my weight is a complete no-go area which is a shame. I'm working on getting her to accept my choices but we're now twenty five years in and the progress is minimal - lol. I'm sure if you asked her she would say the same about getting me to accept HER choices
> 
> I enjoy your contributions here and I hope that when your work load lifts you'll be able to come back!
> 
> Tracey x




True. I have not seen my mother since I was 17 years old. I am 38 years old now.

She first left when I was a two year old, not to be seen again until I was seven.

She has not been in my life and she does not care for me at all. She has never told me that she loves me.

I feel that a mother should care, at least a little, and give unconditional love.
I have never had that.


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## BeaBea

Susannah
I'm so sorry to hear that. It must be very hard to hear us complaining about relationships with our parents when you never had the chance. I understand now why you reacted the way you did - thank you for sharing that.
Tracey x


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## squidgemonster

BeaBea said:


> Bald statements like that are every bit as helpful as 'All you have to do to lose weight is eat less.' I'm sure everyones Mother SHOULD be perfect and yes, love SHOULD be unconditional but in the real world it's rarely like that.
> 
> Hang in there Squidgemonster - I have a complicated relationship with my Mother too. I love her dearly, and I like her too, but the subject of my weight is a complete no-go area which is a shame. I'm working on getting her to accept my choices but we're now twenty five years in and the progress is minimal - lol. I'm sure if you asked her she would say the same about getting me to accept HER choices
> 
> I enjoy your contributions here and I hope that when your work load lifts you'll be able to come back!
> 
> Tracey x



Thanks,Tracey for your kind words,I know exactly how you feel,having had 20 plus years of grief from my mother too,she is very shallow and strongly feels that if you are more than a size 14 or so,then you MUST do something about it,you are repulsive and unsightly,she is beyond educating and I sadly feel myself pushing her away,atnearly 500lbs my GF wont want anything to do with her and I cant blame her.
Im not disappearing altogether,just going to keep a lower profile so I dont upset or offend anyone.
size 40-44 wedding gown ???? (maybe one day,sigh)


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## squidgemonster

Susannah said:


> True. I have not seen my mother since I was 17 years old. I am 38 years old now.
> 
> She first left when I was a two year old, not to be seen again until I was seven.
> 
> She has not been in my life and she does not care for me at all. She has never told me that she loves me.
> 
> I feel that a mother should care, at least a little, and give unconditional love.
> I have never had that.



((((((((((((((((((Susannah))))))))))))))))))
You really deserve that hug,my Mum loves me,but she has an odd way of showing it,only wish she was more tolerant of my preferences,sometimes I feel like I am a criminal.
Please take comfort in that there a lot of folks here who like you and value your friendship,Both myself and Sheila included ((((another hug))))


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## KHayes666

My mother pokes fun at my preference but in a light-hearted manner.

For instance she calls me Miles in reference to the character in the movie Summer Catch who's into big girls. She finds it a little weird how I attend bashes and dances just for big people but she supports me nontheless.

My father is a lot more evil about it, growing up he said some harsh things to say (in a joking manner but still harsh) about big people in general. I'm not trying to offend anyone....oh the hell with it, if you get offended that's not my fault. My dad and I would be out in public and he'd see a very large woman waddle by, then he'd whisper to me "Ugh, how would you like to wipe that ass?" Or his trademark.. "Wow, look at that fat disgusting pig" 

How I ever became an F/A with this sort of upbringing I'll never know but hey, I like what I like and am not afraid to admit it. Even my father has toned down the jokes in the last few years, maybe I've done something right for once.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

KHayes666 said:


> My mother pokes fun at my preference but in a light-hearted manner.
> 
> For instance she calls me Miles in reference to the character in the movie Summer Catch who's into big girls. She finds it a little weird how I attend bashes and dances just for big people but she supports me nontheless.




I adore that movie! And I was happy to see a good looking FA on the big screen!


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## Victim

Family can be a horrible influence if what they are nurturing is hate. My stepfather is a racist. An odd position for a full blooded sioux to take, but racist nonetheless. Needless to say, when I was growing up I had racist tendencies too. 

In my later teens as we grew apart, I *knew* that just didn't feel right and searched for ways to change how I had been made to feel. 

To make a long story short, as part of my belief system, I was able to 'pretend' to exist in the minds of other people around me. I would hang out at the mall and other public places and just 'be' different people until I felt what it was like to be them. 

OK, I know that sounds really spooky, but it got the job done.


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## D_A_Bunny

Well, I have a little something that I found out about two weeks ago. My husband always preferred big girls, but didn't bring any home, before he met me.
His mother was just happy that he was happy, and his father was always saying things about "health". 
Well, we have been together for 18 years now, 13.5 of those years married. We were engaged and lived together within a few months of meeting. Let's just say, everyone who knew us, knew that we were a couple.
Fast forward to two weeks ago when my husband lets it slip about something his father had said in the past.
Back in 1997, hubby and I went to our first NAAFA convention. We happened to have our picture taken and get interviewed by a large NJ newspaper. How exciting. Anyhoo, apparently, after the large photo and article were in the paper, his father says to him, "well, I guess you really DO like fat girls". :doh: We had been together for seven years at that point!  Married for two of them. I mean really, old man, didn't that tell you something? He freaking bought the damn cow!
Ughh! Needless to say, for other reasons, they are no longer in my life, so I don't let them bother me anymore.


----------



## Davastav

Came to this thread a little late but I will throw in my thoughts. I recently resurrected the possibilty of dating a SSBBW but I do have a variety of thoughts that are on my mind. Not to mention, I am an active person and I like to take long walks and go swimming and this I fear is something that would present some difficulty with her. In addition, its true also that I love going to concerts and movie theaters where the seats are not so SSBBW friendly. I would just have to call ahead to find out if the seats are more accomodating. Finally, in general when going out to eat in a restaurant you need to find out the same thing - chairs with armrest will not work and again I just need to ask. These small item(s) arent a problem and believe me one can used to them if youre SSBBW means something to you///


----------



## Luv Gaining Ladies

I've grown up with cracks about my own weight from my father (I've struggled with weight loss issues for years) but when it comes to my wife, I haven't heard a peepe about her weight. The only person who says anything about my wife's weight? My wife. I don't mind it a bit and I really can't imagine being with a skinny woman...

I drive a larger car, I walk slower for her (not because of her weight; she shattered her ankle last year in a complete fluke accident) and I do whatever I can for her. I would still love her if she were twice her size. (Ironically, I want to lose weight myself, but I have no desire to push her into doing so.)

One thing I'm unclear on - where's the cutoff between BBW and SSBBW, if there is one? I know that sounds either insensitive, insane, or completely nonsensical, and for that, I apologize, but among those who identify as such - what's the difference?


----------



## Generiousjack

Hi all!

I own the national car of TX a 2007 Chevy Suburban. It cost's about $145.00 to fill it up. It gets horrible gas milage.

I'm a big guy too 5'11, about 260.

In my circle of friends, I always offer to drive. With the third seat in i can take 7-8 people sepending on their size. I bought this, because I do a lot if highway driving, and I love driving with my friends.

Some things are worth a trade off.

Jack


----------



## Victim

Yeah, there was a chat discussion about how SUV's were the preference for hauling around our 'prizes'. 

I have 2000 KIA Sportage, which is a 'compact' SUV but built on the truck frame, so it can haul us around with no problems. Adequate seats and seatbelt fit too.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Luv Gaining Ladies said:


> I've grown up with cracks about my own weight from my father (I've struggled with weight loss issues for years) but when it comes to my wife, I haven't heard a peepe about her weight. The only person who says anything about my wife's weight? My wife. I don't mind it a bit and I really can't imagine being with a skinny woman...
> 
> I drive a larger car, I walk slower for her (not because of her weight; she shattered her ankle last year in a complete fluke accident) and I do whatever I can for her. I would still love her if she were twice her size. (Ironically, I want to lose weight myself, but I have no desire to push her into doing so.)
> 
> One thing I'm unclear on - where's the cutoff between BBW and SSBBW, if there is one? I know that sounds either insensitive, insane, or completely nonsensical, and for that, I apologize, but among those who identify as such - what's the difference?




I think the general consensus was that a once you get to a US size 26/28 you are considered super sized.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

LillyBBBW said:


> I think the general consensus was that a once you get to a US size 26/28 you are considered super sized.




Does that make me supa dupa sized?  Super dooper just sounds lame, lol, I like supa dupa better


----------



## Ray Ros

A belated comment abt this thread...yes, thr are limitations about SSBBWs and many hv been mentiond here, like mobility, small chairs etc..,one more is that at times their skin cracks in certn parts,.,like in their legs, behind the knees and othr parts and sometims bleed thr..,not very atractv I wud say...
I wud place the supa-dupa at abov 400 lbs....Been thr....RAY


----------



## LalaCity

Ray Ros said:


> A belated comment abt this thread...yes, thr are limitations about SSBBWs and many hv been mentiond here, like mobility, small chairs etc..,one more is that at times their skin cracks in certn parts,.,like in their legs, behind the knees and othr parts and sometims bleed thr..,not very atractv I wud say...



That remark was appallingly insensitive, to say the least. You do realize there are women here -- ssbbws, even! -- reading these comments, don't you? That's the kind of shit I'd expect from some shallow guys-only forum dedicated to degrading _hot-or-not_ rating systems.

Ugh, ugh, and ugh.


----------



## LillyBBBW

LalaCity said:


> That remark was appallingly insensitive, to say the least. You do realize there are women here -- ssbbws, even! -- reading these comments, don't you? That's the kind of shit I'd expect from some shallow guys-only forum dedicated to degrading _hot-or-not_ rating systems.



Lala, go back and read all of his other posts in this thread. All will become crystal clear and you won't bother responding to him either.


----------



## LalaCity

LillyBBBW said:


> Lala, go back and read all of his other posts in this thread. All will become crystal clear and you won't bother responding to him either.



Ur rt, az alwys.
:doh:


----------



## KHayes666

LalaCity said:


> That remark was appallingly insensitive, to say the least. You do realize there are women here -- ssbbws, even! -- reading these comments, don't you? That's the kind of shit I'd expect from some shallow guys-only forum dedicated to degrading _hot-or-not_ rating systems.
> 
> Ugh, ugh, and ugh.



*walks up to your neighbor's door wearing a white double knit suit with a top hat, knocks on the door and she answers* 

Not..... 

*crosses out the name on my clipboard then walks over to your house, rings the bell, you answer*

Hot......

*puts a check next to your name and walks over to the next house*


----------



## Rowan

Davastav said:


> Came to this thread a little late but I will throw in my thoughts. I recently resurrected the possibilty of dating a SSBBW but I do have a variety of thoughts that are on my mind. Not to mention, I am an active person and I like to take long walks and go swimming and this I fear is something that would present some difficulty with her. In addition, its true also that I love going to concerts and movie theaters where the seats are not so SSBBW friendly. I would just have to call ahead to find out if the seats are more accomodating. Finally, in general when going out to eat in a restaurant you need to find out the same thing - chairs with armrest will not work and again I just need to ask. These small item(s) arent a problem and believe me one can used to them if youre SSBBW means something to you///



Just throwing this out there, I'm a SSBBW and I can walk places just fine, along with swimming. I can also sit in a regular movie theatre seat, albeit, might be a bit tight, but doesnt kill me.

I just wish people didnt make such assumptions all the time that because one is large they can't do anything bleh


----------



## Rowan

Victim said:


> Yeah, there was a chat discussion about how SUV's were the preference for hauling around our 'prizes'.
> 
> I have 2000 KIA Sportage, which is a 'compact' SUV but built on the truck frame, so it can haul us around with no problems. Adequate seats and seatbelt fit too.



I have a 2007 Kia Rondo....i was shocked when the seatbelt fit with lots of slack and i was comfy...even after a 1200 mile drive....great crossover


----------



## Rowan

KHayes666 said:


> *walks up to your neighbor's door wearing a white double knit suit with a top hat, knocks on the door and she answers*
> 
> Not.....
> 
> *crosses out the name on my clipboard then walks over to your house, rings the bell, you answer*
> 
> Hot......
> 
> *puts a check next to your name and walks over to the next house*



you're too funny


----------



## Victim

What happens if you knock on Rowan's door and find Bexy there too?


----------



## Rowan

Victim said:


> What happens if you knock on Rowan's door and find Bexy there too?



You'd likely be in trouble....lol


----------



## bexy

Victim said:


> What happens if you knock on Rowan's door and find Bexy there too?



then it means I found the pot of gold at the end of that rainbow, and could afford a flight


----------



## CleverBomb

LalaCity said:


> Ur rt, az alwys.
> :doh:


Mods -- how about arranging to disemvowel inappropriate posts?

Although it looks like the derided poster managed that himself quite nicely.

The Wikipedia article mentions several implementations (for Wordpress, MoveableType, etc) but I didn't see one for vBulletin.

-Rusty


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Ray Ros said:


> A belated comment abt this thread...yes, thr are limitations about SSBBWs and many hv been mentiond here, like mobility, small chairs etc..,one more is that at times their skin cracks in certn parts,.,like in their legs, behind the knees and othr parts and sometims bleed thr..,not very atractv I wud say...
> I wud place the supa-dupa at abov 400 lbs....Been thr....RAY





CleverBomb said:


> Mods -- how about arranging to disemvowel inappropriate posts?
> 
> Although it looks like the derided poster managed that himself quite nicely.
> 
> The Wikipedia article mentions several implementations (for Wordpress, MoveableType, etc) but I didn't see one for vBulletin.
> 
> -Rusty



Good idea, Rusty! Hw bt hst w hs wn ptrd? H mt lk tht? 

Seriously, I'm fine with textspeak as long as those users _receive_ all posts in txtspk. Send it through babblefish, let them deal with the same lack of commitment to being understood we do. LOL.  (This is not directed at your parody post, of course, LaLa, haha.) Just a general rant at "ppl hu dnt gaf". Thumb typing makes expedience _somewhat_ excusable. If you have a full-size keyboard try _using_ it, m'K? Even dark, murky and reprehensible thoughts should be expressed as clearly as possible. :happy:


----------



## SamanthaNY

Is there a wiki article on de-asshatting?


----------



## Ernest Nagel

SamanthaNY said:


> Is there a wiki article on de-asshatting?



It's basically a 40 day all bean diet. It dislodges their heads but they blow their brains out. Win-win.


----------



## Victim

So if an asshat has anal sex, does that make them f*cked in the head? Is this a redundant question?


----------



## KHayes666

Can we get back on topic please? lol


----------



## Victim

OK, back on topic...

One thing I've noticed is that there is an obvious distinction between the average SSBBW you find out in The Real World and the women we have here on Dims.

Dims women are for the most part quite confident in who they are and aren't afraid to show it to the men they date. There is some maintenance, but no assembly required.

Many SSBBW in The Real World are fighting a daily battle with the world's perception of them, and their perception of themselves. When you get into a relationship with one of these women, you have to constantly reinforce your admiration for their body, mind, and soul. There will be times when they won't believe you. You have to stand by them and continue to show them your love. Eventually they will start to believe in themselves more and more.

It's like trying to build a Lamborghini from a kit without a clear set of instructions. It will take a LONG time, but in the end you will have something wonderful and your efforts will be rewarded beyond your dreams.


----------



## JerseyGirl07093

One of the things I have noticed is that though there are a lot of men here on Dims that want to date SSBBWs, out in the real world...not so much. That's just the reality of it. Or at least my reality.


----------



## KHayes666

Victim said:


> OK, back on topic...
> 
> One thing I've noticed is that there is an obvious distinction between the average SSBBW you find out in The Real World and the women we have here on Dims.
> 
> Dims women are for the most part quite confident in who they are and aren't afraid to show it to the men they date. There is some maintenance, but no assembly required.
> 
> Many SSBBW in The Real World are fighting a daily battle with the world's perception of them, and their perception of themselves. When you get into a relationship with one of these women, you have to constantly reinforce your admiration for their body, mind, and soul. There will be times when they won't believe you. You have to stand by them and continue to show them your love. Eventually they will start to believe in themselves more and more.
> 
> It's like trying to build a Lamborghini from a kit without a clear set of instructions. It will take a LONG time, but in the end you will have something wonderful and your efforts will be rewarded beyond your dreams.



You make a lot of valid points, F/A's around here are spoiled in the sense that for the most part the women are confident about their size.

In the real world a ssbbw with no history of love and support would find it not only harder to accept herself but to accept that someone could be attracted to her.

I know nothing about cars but I got the reference at the end, very good.


----------



## squidgemonster

Victim said:


> OK, back on topic...
> 
> One thing I've noticed is that there is an obvious distinction between the average SSBBW you find out in The Real World and the women we have here on Dims.
> 
> Dims women are for the most part quite confident in who they are and aren't afraid to show it to the men they date. There is some maintenance, but no assembly required.
> 
> Many SSBBW in The Real World are fighting a daily battle with the world's perception of them, and their perception of themselves. When you get into a relationship with one of these women, you have to constantly reinforce your admiration for their body, mind, and soul. There will be times when they won't believe you. You have to stand by them and continue to show them your love. Eventually they will start to believe in themselves more and more.
> 
> It's like trying to build a Lamborghini from a kit without a clear set of instructions. It will take a LONG time, but in the end you will have something wonderful and your efforts will be rewarded beyond your dreams.



My SSBBW GF has this daily battle with her self esteem,her physical size,being a 'higher end' SSBBW and feels that the outside world has such a negative perception of her that she will simply not face it at all,and has hidden indoors,out of sight for about 6 years,I made an effort to help her with this,but the nasty comments and finger pointing were still apparent.
Before we met she was terrified of what I would think when I saw her,but I 
made a surprise visit and it worked very well,and despite lots of problems we are still together,and still in love.:wubu:


----------



## BeaBea

Victim said:


> Dims women are for the most part quite confident in who they are and aren't afraid to show it to the men they date. There is some maintenance, but no assembly required.
> 
> Many SSBBW in The Real World are fighting a daily battle with the world's perception of them, and their perception of themselves. When you get into a relationship with one of these women, you have to constantly reinforce your admiration for their body, mind, and soul. There will be times when they won't believe you. You have to stand by them and continue to show them your love. Eventually they will start to believe in themselves more and more.



I think one of the reasons why the women on Dims are more secure is because of the support they get from other women. Please dont take that wrong - I'm not trying to down play the benefits that a supportive and sympathetic man can give to a girls self esteem - but in the longer term knowing that there other women in the same boat, with the same issues, who really REALLY understand is what makes women feel secure in themselves. Women rely on networks of girlfriends far more than men ever really understand and for most of us, fat or thin, men come and go but girlfriends endure.

If any man ever finds a woman with the self esteem issues that Victim outlines above then yes, of course you need to stand by them etc and do all the things a good man should - but you should also think about introducing her to Dims so the informal network of girlfriends here can help too...

Tracey xx


----------



## squidgemonster

BeaBea said:


> I think one of the reasons why the women on Dims are more secure is because of the support they get from other women. Please dont take that wrong - I'm not trying to down play the benefits that a supportive and sympathetic man can give to a girls self esteem - but in the longer term knowing that there other women in the same boat, with the same issues, who really REALLY understand is what makes women feel secure in themselves. Women rely on networks of girlfriends far more than men ever really understand and for most of us, fat or thin, men come and go but girlfriends endure.
> 
> If any man ever finds a woman with the self esteem issues that Victim outlines above then yes, of course you need to stand by them etc and do all the things a good man should - but you should also think about introducing her to Dims so the informal network of girlfriends here can help too...
> 
> Tracey xx



I agree with you Tracey,However I have had to learn to be much more understanding than the average FA,whatever that may consist of.My GF comes with lots of issues,for the most part caused by others with no thought
for their selfish actions or words. There are times I wish she had your level of confidence,as all the nice things that make you a beautiful person in every way are there,at least we could live a normal life without every snide comment
sending her back into her reclusive shell,its hard going sometimes as I love her so much and want us to be together so badly,but lots of things seem to be conspiring against us on top of the 300 mile distance.
Best Wishes Carl (((((hug 4U)))))


----------



## BeaBea

squidgemonster said:


> There are times I wish she had your level of confidence



Aww Carl, thank you! I didn't start out this way though and I wouldn't be able to stay confident without all the good folks here at Dims. If your GF is on the net please tell her to join in! We'll roll out the red carpet for her and once she's settled in I know she'll find the site a huge support and inspiration. The Supersized Board in particular is a SO helpful in keeping me sane and allaying my fears - and the sooner she joins and meets the entry requirements the sooner she'll reap the benefits! 

Tracey xx


----------



## squidgemonster

BeaBea said:


> Aww Carl, thank you! I didn't start out this way though and I wouldn't be able to stay confident without all the good folks here at Dims. If your GF is on the net please tell her to join in! We'll roll out the red carpet for her and once she's settled in I know she'll find the site a huge support and inspiration. The Supersized Board in particular is a SO helpful in keeping me sane and allaying my fears - and the sooner she joins and meets the entry requirements the sooner she'll reap the benefits!
> 
> Tracey xx



Tracey,she already is a member of Dims,will PM you with details.


----------



## Shosh

BeaBea said:


> Aww Carl, thank you! I didn't start out this way though and I wouldn't be able to stay confident without all the good folks here at Dims. If your GF is on the net please tell her to join in! We'll roll out the red carpet for her and once she's settled in I know she'll find the site a huge support and inspiration. The Supersized Board in particular is a SO helpful in keeping me sane and allaying my fears - and the sooner she joins and meets the entry requirements the sooner she'll reap the benefits!
> 
> Tracey xx



I have hooked her up with the SS board already Tracey.


----------



## BeaBea

squidgemonster said:


> Tracey,she already is a member of Dims.





Susannah said:


> I have hooked her up with the SS board already Tracey.



Lol - you'd think I would have made that connection myself really... :doh:
Tracey xx


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

BeaBea said:


> Lol - you'd think I would have made that connection myself really... :doh:
> Tracey xx



lol. it's monday, you are forgiven


----------



## Shosh

BeaBea said:


> Lol - you'd think I would have made that connection myself really... :doh:
> Tracey xx



That is ok Tracey. One can never have too many friends here ready to help.


----------



## Shoggoth

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> One of the things I have noticed is that though there are a lot of men here on Dims that want to date SSBBWs, out in the real world...not so much. That's just the reality of it. Or at least my reality.



I think more men would be more inclined to date a BBW, in fact many are, but theres that whole rhyme about big women being like a moped (or whatever, I dislike the analogy nonetheless). They want to, or at least wouldnt be against the idea, but are afraid of what their friends (especially the guy friends) would say. I have a friend like that. Hes a good guy, hes just stupid. Most of his girlfriends have been big. Now, around me he doesnt care and admits he likes thick women, since my wife is thick and I tend to like BBW over other body types. But if hes around new people he acts like hes never dated a big woman and never would, like its beneath him or something.

I then usually point out that hes not only a big guy himself and shouldnt be downing people for body type, but also an a-hole and a hypocrite. Hes like that around other women too, especially thinner women who may be interested in him. When they find out most of his ex girl friends were big, they dont even care, so I have no idea why he hides it, but he does. Its one of his more annoying personality quirks.


----------



## Victim

Shoggoth said:


> I think more men would be more inclined to date a BBW, in fact many are, but theres that whole rhyme about big women being like a moped (or whatever, I dislike the analogy nonetheless). They want to, or at least wouldnt be against the idea, but are afraid of what their friends (especially the guy friends) would say. I have a friend like that. Hes a good guy, hes just stupid. Most of his girlfriends have been big. Now, around me he doesnt care and admits he likes thick women, since my wife is thick and I tend to like BBW over other body types. But if hes around new people he acts like hes never dated a big woman and never would, like its beneath him or something.
> 
> I then usually point out that hes not only a big guy himself and shouldnt be downing people for body type, but also an a-hole and a hypocrite. Hes like that around other women too, especially thinner women who may be interested in him. When they find out most of his ex girl friends were big, they dont even care, so I have no idea why he hides it, but he does. Its one of his more annoying personality quirks.



Around here it is a bit more than an 'annoying personality quirk'. Closet FAs that treat women in that manner are spineless wankers that care more for their false image than the people they claim to admire. This is a topic that has already been discussed endlessly though.


----------



## Mikey

Victim said:


> Around here it is a bit more than an 'annoying personality quirk'. Closet FAs that treat women in that manner are spineless wankers that care more for their false image than the people they claim to admire. This is a topic that has already been discussed endlessly though.



In my opinion there are two types of closet fa's. 

The first is the "trainer" fa who is new to the whole idea of being with a bbw/bhm, or at least new to having a relationship with one. They are now swimming against the tide of societal "norms" and need to work it through. Its more that they need to acclimate then being ashamed of their preferences. It is a very similar scenario as gay people about to come out of the closet. While their actions are not malicious, regrettably their partner still is a victim of sorts. I have been there on this one, so I know from experience. I am lucky to have worked through this, but it was tough. Before finding NAAFA and Dimensions, I felt like there was something wrong with me. Now I don't care what others think or say. I am proud of who I am with and will stand by her no matter what someone says. I have even ended friendships with critical friends. No one has the right to judge me or my significant other.

The second is the perpetual closet fa. They are self consumed and lack confidence. Basically, they are in it to get off on their secret and don't care who they hurt as long as they have gratification. These are the one's that are the "spineless wankers." 
:bow:


----------



## shawnbd

Hi everyone. 

My name is Shawn and I have been lurking around these boards and dimensions for about 5 years. I don't post very often because I have always been one of those guys to take a seat in the back room and watch what others are doing. When I become familiar enough with a subject, only then will I speak up. 

Norms of society are hard to define. I have always liked bigger women and know I always will. I have a smart and wonderful woman that I have been dating for two years. She is 5'0 and 280 so I don't know if she is a ssbbw or just a bbw. I don't care except for the sake of this thread. I plan to marry this beautiful lady after I graduate from college next spring (she plans the same). 

My issue is with my immediate family. Both parental sides are devout Catholic so we never discuss sexuality, birth control, love life, etc. I never told them I was attracted to BBWs. They always thought I had a crush on a 'pretty' rail thin stick in grade school and high school. She was a friend and we talked quite a bit, but GOOD GOD! was she the farthest thing from 'attractive' that I had ever seen. My parents like my BBW/GF and really do think she is great for me, yet I feel as if they expect me to find a girl more like the stick! My family is not fat on either side. I want to tell them she is the smartest, most beautiful, and sexy woman I have ever laid eyes upon. I want to express this before we get engaged. I just don't know how to break the norms from my parents eyes.


----------



## BeaBea

shawnbd said:


> My parents like my BBW/GF and really do think she is great for me



Hi Shawn, 

it sounds to me from the comment above that they've already guessed - and if they were in any doubt they'll soon figure it out when you announce your engagement. Its great to be out and proud but if you come from a family who dont talk about such things then you probably dont need to shove it down their throats. They sound happy for you already so announcing you want to marry and that you plan to spend the rest of your life with your lucky girlfriend will be all the confirmation you need!

Just my thoughts - oh, and congratulations! 
Tracey x


----------



## Haunted

It amazes how much Stock people put into what others think (And i'm just as guilty of this in the past also) But in the end no-one really gives a shit and any one who does doesn't need to. I always thought i was a little strange for being attracted to bigger woman but when i finally decided to just go with it. it was no big deal in fact i decided to announce it to a couple friends and they were like (I Know Dude) 

But i understand the fear of coming out or the nervousness of being seen with a big girl but honestly it really never mattered no-one said anything and i have never once felt like i was being judged for being with a fat girl! in fact we do get looks while we are out, but more often it's a friendly smile in fact one older guy gave me a thumbs up while we where sitting on a bench cuddling in Downtown Boston. 

I think the closeted Fa is his Own Worst enemy !


----------



## largenlovely

truer words were never spoken 



Haunted said:


> I think the closeted Fa is his Own Worst enemy !


----------



## Ted Michael Morgan

I just know that I find chubby women sexy and beautiful. I did not realize this for a long time. I have a fantastic chubby neighbor whom I really want to know better who is just the most beautiful woman I have seen in years. I want her so badly that I just go wild around her. I love this site because it helps he understand myself and understand (maybe) the woman I would like to know.


----------



## luv_lovehandles

For me i guess its more of a fantasy yes i like 'bigger' women, but when it comes down to it, i couldnt date a ssbw, i find them attractive n everything but i am not able to 'deal' with the requirements n i know that...


----------



## Mikey

luv_lovehandles said:


> For me i guess its more of a fantasy yes i like 'bigger' women, but when it comes down to it, i couldnt date a ssbw, i find them attractive n everything but i am not able to 'deal' with the requirements n i know that...



Believe me when i say "dealing" with the requirements are well worth it!!! 

Actually, "dealing" is kind of derogatory, I look at it as more of a privilege to be able to make a woman comfortable and loved! As my grandmother would say, you should only be so lucky!! :bow:


----------



## BeaBea

Mikey said:


> "dealing" is kind of derogatory, I look at it as more of a privilege to be able to make a woman comfortable and loved! As my grandmother would say, you should only be so lucky!! :bow:



I was about to respond but you took the words right out of my mouth. 
Mikey, I hope YOU get very lucky, very soon :wubu:

Tracey xx


----------



## Haunted

luv_lovehandles said:


> For me i guess its more of a fantasy yes i like 'bigger' women, but when it comes down to it, i couldnt date a ssbw, i find them attractive n everything but i am not able to 'deal' with the requirements n i know that...



Dealing???? i think it's more like a privilege I love to do things and take care of my Love.


----------



## shazz2602

luv_lovehandles said:


> For me i guess its more of a fantasy yes i like 'bigger' women, but when it comes down to it, i couldnt date a ssbw, i find them attractive n everything but i am not able to 'deal' with the requirements n i know that...



Deal???
Ok im a ssbbw and i can run, walk and do anything a 'normal' person can do.
I find it quite rude that you think that all ssbbw's have some kind or problem. I mean isnt this what this site is about everyone being accepted for who they are and not being judged???


----------



## Blackjack

luv_lovehandles said:


> For me i guess its more of a fantasy yes i like 'bigger' women, but when it comes down to it, i couldnt date a ssbw, i find them attractive n everything but i am not able to 'deal' with the requirements n i know that...


----------



## Haunted

luv_lovehandles said:


> For me i guess its more of a fantasy yes i like 'bigger' women, but when it comes down to it, i couldnt date a ssbw, i find them attractive n everything but i am not able to 'deal' with the requirements n i know that...



All i can say for Luv_lovehandles is at least he's honest of course his delivery needs work, He has admitted he's not man enough for all that Woman


----------



## No-No-Badkitty

luv_lovehandles said:


> For me i guess its more of a fantasy yes i like 'bigger' women, but when it comes down to it, i couldnt date a ssbw, i find them attractive n everything but i am not able to 'deal' with the requirements n i know that...



Out of curiosity...what kind of limitations are we fat women supposed to have? At what weight do you consider a fat women to be a ssbw? And what experiences have you had that have led you to this conclusion?


----------



## Victim

Yes, SSBBW may have 'issues' that you have to 'deal' with, but like all other people they vary greatly physically and mentally. Me and Theresa have gone rock climbing before (!) and actually climbed a portion of Iron Mountain, SD. YES, it is low impact and can be done with street shoes, but we still did it. 

The point is that people of all kinds are capable of things that you don't even know until you get to know them, and I'm not just talking about sex (for once...)

BTW, some trivia, Iron Mt. SD, has monster deposits of rose quartz, it's kind cool climbing on top of a rock of rose quartz the size of a house.


----------



## ecortez766

shazz2602 said:


> Deal???
> Ok im a ssbbw and i can run, walk and do anything a 'normal' person can do.
> I find it quite rude that you think that all ssbbw's have some kind or problem. I mean isnt this what this site is about everyone being accepted for who they are and not being judged???



Well Shazz, I like the way you put it. There are alot of SSBBW's who are very active. That I have learned from reading all of the threads and from other places I have visited. Just because you are an SSBBW. doesn't mean that you have to slow down or that you are hindered by it.


----------



## SamanthaNY

Why is this guy getting flack? Why the sarcastic responses? He made comments and judgments about himself - that this is a life he doesn't want. So what? Where is that a judgment on anyone else here? He didn't indicate which part of life with an ssbbw he can't handle, nor did he indicate what level of ssbbw. 

I'd rather a man realize his own limitations instead of thinking that his raging hardon is all he needs to "deal" with. There's FAR too many men like that. 

Instead of slamming him for not liking what YOU like (oh, the irony there), and trotting out the overused sarcastic responses - why not talk to him, or just let him be.


----------



## Haunted

SamanthaNY said:


> Why is this guy getting flack? Why the sarcastic responses? He made comments and judgments about himself - that this is a life he doesn't want. So what? Where is that a judgment on anyone else here? He didn't indicate which part of life with an ssbbw he can't handle, nor did he indicate what level of ssbbw.
> 
> I'd rather a man realize his own limitations instead of thinking that his raging hardon is all he needs to "deal" with. There's FAR too many men like that.
> 
> Instead of slamming him for not liking what YOU like (oh, the irony there), and trotting out the overused sarcastic responses - why not talk to him, or just let him be.



Samantha, 

Your right and although i kind of said the same thing My sarcastism has a hard time staying locked away 

but i do agree at least he know's a ssbbw would be to much for him if he only knew what he were missing (shit there it goes again)


----------



## B68

Yes, you're all very right, but... he said ssbw... single sided bread wiper. I know these devices are hard to work/deal with.

He was just in the wrong thread.


----------



## luv_lovehandles

Okay... wow i didnt expect my reply to a massive thread to get feedback in all honesty...

i admit my choice of words maybe should have been different. But yes i dont think it was 'derogatory' i was not insulting anyone here or insulting or puting anyone down for their preference in who they are with. I respect everyone here for who they are with, and how they are. 

My preference is just ssbbw need 'special needs' like with seating arrangements cars ect, people in this thread have talked about changing cars ect, i would not want to do that, i like my car n in all honesty some SSBBW could not fit into it. 

n for my defense at least i know my short comings before getting involved with one.
but as i said i do find ssbbw very attractive i just chose not to be with one.

n if anyone wants to talk to me about it or anything shoot me a message on aim at 'runawaymisery04'


----------



## Victim

Of course we don't want to displace those that like their bread buttered on both sides either...


----------



## Ernest Nagel

luv_lovehandles said:


> For me i guess its more of a fantasy yes i like 'bigger' women, but when it comes down to it, i couldnt date a ssbw, i find them attractive n everything but i am not able to 'deal' with the requirements n i know that...





SamanthaNY said:


> Why is this guy getting flack? Why the sarcastic responses? He made comments and judgments about himself - that this is a life he doesn't want. So what? Where is that a judgment on anyone else here? He didn't indicate which part of life with an ssbbw he can't handle, nor did he indicate what level of ssbbw.
> 
> I'd rather a man realize his own limitations instead of thinking that his raging hardon is all he needs to "deal" with. There's FAR too many men like that.
> 
> Instead of slamming him for not liking what YOU like (oh, the irony there), and trotting out the overused sarcastic responses - why not talk to him, or just let him be.



LL I agree with Samantha; we should all probably be more conscious of our own limitations. That said I think our imagination is one of the greatest obstacles to happiness and fulfillment. Expectations and assumptions, what we think we know, hold us back from what we want and deserve far too often. It's human and natural to want to know the future and how things are going to turn out. It takes a combination of wisdom and courage to accept that we can't ever know the future. Patterns can point to a probability but not a certainty. Ironically, leading a life designed to avoid disappointment, pain and failure often leads to exactly those things but then you never know. Good luck.

And good luck to me being able to take my own advice, LOL. :doh:


----------



## LillyBBBW

Why would someone come to a thread for SSBBW and say, "Yeah, you're hot but I would never ever date you,"? Is it not as bad as saying, "I like so and so but he has a small d*ck and I can't work with that." It was a shitty thing to say and I resent being told that as a SSBBW it's my duty to lie down and let people say any old kind of humiliating thing the feel like saying, 'cause they're being real. Fcuk that, I can be real and say a few things I'm feeling too but it would surely be deleted immediately.


----------



## Thrifty McGriff

Ernest Nagel said:


> LL I agree with Samantha; we should all probably be more conscious of our own limitations. That said I think our imagination is one of the greatest obstacles to happiness and fulfillment. Expectations and assumptions, what we think we know, hold us back from what we want and deserve far too often. It's human and natural to want to know the future and how things are going to turn out. It takes a combination of wisdom and courage to accept that we can't ever know the future. Patterns can point to a probability but not a certainty. Ironically, leading a life designed to avoid disappointment, pain and failure often leads to exactly those things but then you never know. Good luck.
> 
> And good luck to me being able to take my own advice, LOL. :doh:



Very good post, I'd rep you but I can't right now.


----------



## KHayes666

SamanthaNY said:


> Why is this guy getting flack? Why the sarcastic responses? He made comments and judgments about himself - that this is a life he doesn't want. So what? Where is that a judgment on anyone else here? He didn't indicate which part of life with an ssbbw he can't handle, nor did he indicate what level of ssbbw.
> 
> I'd rather a man realize his own limitations instead of thinking that his raging hardon is all he needs to "deal" with. There's FAR too many men like that.
> 
> Instead of slamming him for not liking what YOU like (oh, the irony there), and trotting out the overused sarcastic responses - why not talk to him, or just let him be.



Must be a full moon out....I agree with you.

The man realizes his limitations and is being a man about it, yet people are bashing him, why?

Its not like he saying he doesn't like SSBBW's, he does.


----------



## Victim

There is nothing wrong with wanting a low maintenance relationship, but identifying those you won't consider in their place of power is going to result in some... discord...


----------



## supersoup

LillyBBBW said:


> Why would someone come to a thread for SSBBW and say, "Yeah, you're hot but I would never ever date you,"? Is it not as bad as saying, "I like so and so but he has a small d*ck and I can't work with that." It was a shitty thing to say and I resent being told that as a SSBBW it's my duty to lie down and let people say any old kind of humiliating thing the feel like saying, 'cause they're being real. Fcuk that, I can be real and say a few things I'm feeling too but it would surely be deleted immediately.



agreed.

and agreed again.


----------



## Mini

LillyBBBW said:


> Why would someone come to a thread for SSBBW and say, "Yeah, you're hot but I would never ever date you,"? Is it not as bad as saying, "I like so and so but he has a small d*ck and I can't work with that." It was a shitty thing to say and I resent being told that as a SSBBW it's my duty to lie down and let people say any old kind of humiliating thing the feel like saying, 'cause they're being real. Fcuk that, I can be real and say a few things I'm feeling too but it would surely be deleted immediately.



Humor me, what's wrong with saying you can't work with a small dick?

Hell, I'm hung like a flea. Doesn't bother me if chicks aren't into it.


----------



## vardon_grip

LillyBBBW said:


> Why would someone come to a thread for SSBBW and say, "Yeah, you're hot but I would never ever date you,"? Is it not as bad as saying, "I like so and so but he has a small d*ck and I can't work with that." It was a shitty thing to say and I resent being told that as a SSBBW it's my duty to lie down and let people say any old kind of humiliating thing the feel like saying, 'cause they're being real. Fcuk that, I can be real and say a few things I'm feeling too but it would surely be deleted immediately.



When "Keeping It Real" goes wrong

http://www.dumpalink.com/videos/Comedy-When-Keeping-it-Real-goes-Wrong-bcb2.html


----------



## ecortez766

Well liking them is one thing. But if you really like someone and they do happen to be an ssbbw. You would find a way to make sure that you have a good time with them on a date. If it means finding a larger car to take them out on a date. That is just one example. You try to make it happen. To benefit who ever you are going out with. 

By the way the car was just one example that I have heard of.


----------



## SocialbFly

LillyBBBW said:


> Why would someone come to a thread for SSBBW and say, "Yeah, you're hot but I would never ever date you,"? Is it not as bad as saying, "I like so and so but he has a small d*ck and I can't work with that." It was a shitty thing to say and I resent being told that as a SSBBW it's my duty to lie down and let people say any old kind of humiliating thing the feel like saying, 'cause they're being real. Fcuk that, I can be real and say a few things I'm feeling too but it would surely be deleted immediately.



agreed, when things are too hurtful, some people need to use their inside voice only, as in inside their heads alone...we all get faced daily with people that find us unacceptable for one reason or another, i dont have to take it here. 
Thanks for listening...er....reading...


----------



## Mikey

shazz2602 said:


> Deal???
> Ok im a ssbbw and i can run, walk and do anything a 'normal' person can do.
> I find it quite rude that you think that all ssbbw's have some kind or problem. I mean isnt this what this site is about everyone being accepted for who they are and not being judged???



That is because you ARE normal!!! Being supersized does not mean one is not normal, just big!!! 
As for being rude, indeed his comments were that and thoughtless to say the least.


----------



## Mikey

LillyBBBW said:


> Why would someone come to a thread for SSBBW and say, "Yeah, you're hot but I would never ever date you,"? Is it not as bad as saying, "I like so and so but he has a small d*ck and I can't work with that." It was a shitty thing to say and I resent being told that as a SSBBW it's my duty to lie down and let people say any old kind of humiliating thing the feel like saying, 'cause they're being real. Fcuk that, I can be real and say a few things I'm feeling too but it would surely be deleted immediately.



I am with you 250%!!!! Gratuitous insults are not warranted or appropriate!

Yes, taste is subjective, but as my grandfather would say, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything!!! 

My vote for Socialbfly is in the realm of "smokin"!!!! She is a lovely woman by any standards....CASE CLOSED!!! :bow:


----------



## Mikey

BeaBea said:


> I was about to respond but you took the words right out of my mouth.
> Mikey, I hope YOU get very lucky, very soon :wubu:
> 
> Tracey xx



Thanks Tracey, and I have gotten EXTREMELY lucky! I wish the same for you too!!!

Mikey


----------



## BeaBea

Mikey said:


> That is because you ARE normal!!! Being supersized does not mean one is not normal, just big!!!



Thank you Mikey, I cant tell you what it means to me to see such a simple statement written down like this. It's such an obvious truth, but these things need to be said! :wubu:

Tracey


----------



## SocialbFly

Mikey said:


> I am with you 250%!!!! Gratuitous insults are not warranted or appropriate!
> 
> Yes, taste is subjective, but as my grandfather would say, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything!!!
> 
> My vote for Socialbfly is in the realm of "smokin"!!!! She is a lovely woman by any standards....CASE CLOSED!!! :bow:



and thank you sincerely for the nice words for me, i truly appreciate your comment Mikey, it came at a great time and i needed it...hugs to you and yours....Dianna


----------



## Shosh

Mikey is such a good guy.


----------



## Mikey

SocialbFly said:


> and thank you sincerely for the nice words for me, i truly appreciate your comment Mikey, it came at a great time and i needed it...hugs to you and yours....Dianna



Dianna,
I just call 'em as I see 'em, and you are a beautiful sexy woman!! I have yet to see a photo of you that does not depict that!!!
Hugs back to ya!!!! :kiss2:


----------



## Mikey

Susannah said:


> Mikey is such a good guy.




I am flattered!! Thank you! (blushing)



PS Check the most recent private message I sent


----------



## Mikey

KHayes666 said:


> Must be a full moon out....I agree with you.
> 
> The man realizes his limitations and is being a man about it, yet people are bashing him, why?
> 
> Its not like he saying he doesn't like SSBBW's, he does.



Well, to me it came though as though he likes SSBBW's BUT, they are not worth his time or efforts. Maybe that was just my read...but I found it on the offensive side. This site is for empowerment and size acceptance, and that statement defeated that mission; in my humble opinion.
:bow:
Obviously, you and SamanthaNY had a different read on it from the rest of us. So we can all agree to disagree!


----------



## Victim

The flames are to be expected though. To use a pop culture reference, getting on DIMS and saying that dating an SSBBW wouldn't be worth the effort is like going into Fangtasia and saying vampires are worthless parasites on society. From your point of view this may even be true, but it isn't going to help your chances of getting out alive...


----------



## largenlovely

I would like to add that just because some of us ssbbw's CAN'T run, walk or do what "normal" people can do...just because we *do* have "some kind of problem" with some of these normal activities....it doesn't make us freakish. I just sounded that you were offended that someone might assume you have problems that us other ladies may have issues with.



shazz2602 said:


> Deal???
> Ok im a ssbbw and i can run, walk and do anything a 'normal' person can do.
> I find it quite rude that you think that all ssbbw's have some kind or problem. I mean isnt this what this site is about everyone being accepted for who they are and not being judged???


----------



## Tooz

LillyBBBW said:


> Why would someone come to a thread for SSBBW and say, "Yeah, you're hot but I would never ever date you,"? Is it not as bad as saying, "I like so and so but he has a small d*ck and I can't work with that." It was a shitty thing to say and I resent being told that as a SSBBW it's my duty to lie down and let people say any old kind of humiliating thing the feel like saying, 'cause they're being real. Fcuk that, I can be real and say a few things I'm feeling too but it would surely be deleted immediately.





supersoup said:


> agreed.
> 
> and agreed again.



Absolutely. If he can "be real" with his thoughts, then Heaven help the world when I start doing the same. :batting: Great post, Lilly.


----------



## Blockierer

luv_lovehandles said:


> For me i guess its more of a fantasy yes i like 'bigger' women, but when it comes down to it, i couldnt date a ssbw, i find them attractive n everything but i am not able to 'deal' with the requirements n i know that...



I ensure you fantasies about fat women is good but the best thing is to love a fat woman in reality.
I know lots of men are jealous of me when they see me with my fat wife. :happy: They can only dream of fat women.  People who dream do not live.
So, do not blame him, he is lost in skinny space and he knows this. 
:doh:


----------



## KHayes666

Mikey said:


> Well, to me it came though as though he likes SSBBW's BUT, they are not worth his time or efforts. Maybe that was just my read...but I found it on the offensive side. This site is for empowerment and size acceptance, and that statement defeated that mission; in my humble opinion.
> :bow:
> Obviously, you and SamanthaNY had a different read on it from the rest of us. So we can all agree to disagree!



I felt that he was saying under the right circumstances he would go out with a SSBBW in a heartbeat, however, the circumstances surrounding him are too much to overcome.

When it comes down to it, some people simply can't handle what comes with dating a SSBBW no matter how badly they want to, hence the thread discussion we're on.

In my personal opinion, the poster's heart was in the right place but he was being honest in saying that he physically can't do it.


----------



## Victim

KHayes, has anyone ever told you that you have the perfect .sig? It perfectly conveys your personality, intelligence, and expectations of you.


----------



## SocialbFly

KHayes666 said:


> I felt that he was saying under the right circumstances he would go out with a SSBBW in a heartbeat, however, the circumstances surrounding him are too much to overcome.
> 
> When it comes down to it, some people simply can't handle what comes with dating a SSBBW no matter how badly they want to, hence the thread discussion we're on.
> 
> In my personal opinion, the poster's heart was in the right place but he was being honest in saying that he physically can't do it.



well, K, if we are such a hardship that he can't abide, maybe he should go somewhere else to get his wank fodder...for me, this is everyday life, someone not brave enough to go out with me...it happens yes...but it doesnt mean i have to abide it or like it or cotton to it, or condone it...

this is my safe space...and his is the real world...if he doesnt have what it takes or want to do what it takes to date us, then let him take his balls and go somewhere else to play....

just saying...


----------



## Haunted

SocialbFly said:


> well, K, if we are such a hardship that he can't abide, maybe he should go somewhere else to get his wank fodder...for me, this is everyday life, someone not brave enough to go out with me...it happens yes...but it doesnt mean i have to abide it or like it or cotton to it, or condone it...
> 
> this is my safe space...and his is the real world...if he doesnt have what it takes or want to do what it takes to date us, then let him take his balls and go somewhere else to play....
> 
> just saying...



I agreed earlier about him at least being honest but you have reminded me why exactly we are here, I apologize for losing site of the point of these boards.

I hate flip flopping on an issue But i have to retract my previous statement This is not a place for wannabe FA's because the woman here are real and they deserve to be treated as woman not a fetish!! 

To all of the ladies of dimensions 

Much Love and All Respect :bow:


----------



## BeaBea

Haunted said:


> I hate flip flopping on an issue...



You get HUGE kudos from me for being able to publicly admit that you've re-thought an issue. Admittedly the fact that you've come round to my point of view kind of helps - but even so people on these boards often have entrenched opinions and just restate their opinions rather than engaging with the arguments. 

I'm hugely impressed - and I will try to follow your example in future too :bow:

Tracey


----------



## Jon Blaze

Victim said:


> Yes, SSBBW may have 'issues' that you have to 'deal' with, but like all other people they vary greatly physically and mentally. Me and Theresa have gone rock climbing before (!) and actually climbed a portion of Iron Mountain, SD. YES, it is low impact and can be done with street shoes, but we still did it.
> 
> The point is that people of all kinds are capable of things that you don't even know until you get to know them, and I'm not just talking about sex (for once...)
> 
> BTW, some trivia, Iron Mt. SD, has monster deposits of rose quartz, it's kind cool climbing on top of a rock of rose quartz the size of a house.


EXACTDEMUNDO! It's different for everyone. That's why I'm EO about it. HAHAH!


----------



## Haunted

BeaBea said:


> You get HUGE kudos from me for being able to publicly admit that you've re-thought an issue. Admittedly the fact that you've come round to my point of view kind of helps - but even so people on these boards often have entrenched opinions and just restate their opinions rather than engaging with the arguments.
> 
> I'm hugely impressed - and I will try to follow your example in future too :bow:
> 
> Tracey



What really made me rethink it was when Social Referred to herself as a hardship. Thats wrong on too goddamn many levels, and i cannot be apart of anyone here feeling that way


----------



## squidgemonster

Victim said:


> The flames are to be expected though. To use a pop culture reference, getting on DIMS and saying that dating an SSBBW wouldn't be worth the effort is like going into Fangtasia and saying vampires are worthless parasites on society. From your point of view this may even be true, but it isn't going to help your chances of getting out alive...



SSBBWs ARE worth the effort,as I have already discovered,but in some cases,with a SSBBW at the high end of the weight spectrum,there is a lot to consider ,and a much higher level of commitment to make the relationship work. For me it is all worth the effort,but I am sure every SSBBW on Dims would not be interested in a guy unless he could cope with all the issues a less than active SSBBW has.
Perhaps some of the posts could have been worded more sensitively,but I would never recommend an FA take on more than he can handle.
Respect to you all.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

squidgemonster said:


> SSBBWs ARE worth the effort,as I have already discovered,but in some cases,with a SSBBW at the high end of the weight spectrum,there is a lot to consider ,and a much higher level of commitment to make the relationship work. For me it is all worth the effort,but I am sure every SSBBW on Dims would not be interested in a guy unless he could cope with all the issues a less than active SSBBW has.
> Perhaps some of the posts could have been worded more sensitively,but I would never recommend an FA take on more than he can handle.
> Respect to you all.



In my experience when you truly love someone it doesn't occur as effort, it's just what there is to do. To me raising children seems like a colossal effort (not why I never had any, btw). For most parents though it seems it just goes with the territory. You love them so you do whatever you need to to support them. In all my years with SSBBW the only real concern I've had beyond the natural health issues any woman can have is dependency. With SSBBW the temptation to make her life too easy, to handle more than is necessary can make her more sedentary than can be healthy.

I would caution men who can't say no or be present to your partners discomfort to be very careful that you aren't too accommodating. Yes, it takes some effort and and maybe even pain for her to do some things for herself but as long as she can you should let her. You can't always be around and she needs as much independence as she can have. The loss of stamina and mobility can be tragically accelerated by a partner who is too supportive. 

I'm sure some will take exception to this but trust me when I say I know whereof I speak. I'm not saying avoid SSBBW if you can't keep from making them dependent; just be considerate of the consequences to her. And yes, I know the woman has free will and can make her own choices re activity, etc. but it's just as tempting for some to be spoiled as it can be to pamper and protect someone you love.

Re some of the responses to LL I think Gandhi had it right; be the change you want to see in the world. Want more compassion and sensitivity? Be more compassionate and sensitive. I think many of you had very valid points that could have been handled better as PM's to LL. His post was insensitive but I don't think that was intentional. I say stupid things all the time but fortunately I have friends who quietly, privately point out my gaffes. I guess how we deal with people who cross lines depends a bit on whether we want them to get better or go away? That's not for me to say but it doesn't mean I can't say something about it. :bow:


----------



## KHayes666

SocialbFly said:


> well, K, if we are such a hardship that he can't abide, maybe he should go somewhere else to get his wank fodder...for me, this is everyday life, someone not brave enough to go out with me...it happens yes...but it doesnt mean i have to abide it or like it or cotton to it, or condone it...
> 
> this is my safe space...and his is the real world...if he doesnt have what it takes or want to do what it takes to date us, then let him take his balls and go somewhere else to play....
> 
> just saying...



I understand your point of view, just seemed like he really wanted to but couldn't, which is why I see where you're coming from. If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen so to speak.

I try to look at it from both perspectives and it does seem unfair if someone comes on to a ssbbw thread and says he can't date them, however the way he worded it made it seem like he wanted to. 



Victim said:


> KHayes, has anyone ever told you that you have the perfect .sig? It perfectly conveys your personality, intelligence, and expectations of you.



Yes, since my sig is basically a big shout out to my friends, perfect judgement of me right? Way to stay on topic with the thread *claps* Who are you again?


----------



## Victim

SocialbFly said:


> well, K, if we are such a hardship that he can't abide, maybe he should go somewhere else to get his wank fodder...for me, this is everyday life, someone not brave enough to go out with me...it happens yes...but it doesnt mean i have to abide it or like it or cotton to it, or condone it...
> 
> this is my safe space...and his is the real world...if he doesnt have what it takes or want to do what it takes to date us, then let him take his balls and go somewhere else to play....
> 
> just saying...



Yeah, like I was saying, this is a place of power for SSBBW, so it isn't the wisest place to say something like that. 

More woman than he can handle I guess...


----------



## mszwebs

There are times when I hate reading this thread. 

I don't want to be *handled* and I hate that this thread makes me feel like that's what happens. Like I'm a disaster that needs to be cleaned up in order to have some semblance of normalcy. 
I am not a situation. I am woman. 

I'm sorry. I would like to be so much more clear, but the feelings that I get reading this thread sometimes make my thoughts impossible to communicate.


----------



## D_A_Bunny

mszwebs said:


> There are times when I hate reading this thread.
> 
> I don't want to be *handled* and I hate that this thread makes me feel like that's what happens. Like I'm a disaster that needs to be cleaned up in order to have some semblance of normalcy.
> I am not a situation. I am woman.
> 
> I'm sorry. I would like to be so much more clear, but the feelings that I get reading this thread sometimes make my thoughts impossible to communicate.



I know exactly what you are saying. But I prefer to think of it as if there are unique requirements for the full enjoyment.

Just like for good wine, you un-cork and let it breathe, or fine china must be handled with care and hand washed, or special knives that must be sharpened and placed in a wooden holder to maintain them.

I know what it is like to be cared for by an FA who loves SSBBW, so I see the results when someone makes the effort. When he is good at it (which is most of the time), it seems effortless on his part and I am fully grateful. 

We are a unique group of women, but so well worth the extra time and care. And we should never feel as if we are a burden, but more that the extra loving that is given to us brings about our full potential.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

DumbAssBunny said:


> I know exactly what you are saying. But I prefer to think of it as if *there are unique requirements for the full enjoyment.
> *
> Just like for good wine, you un-cork and let it breathe, or fine china must be handled with care and hand washed, or special knives that must be sharpened and placed in a wooden holder to maintain them.
> 
> I know what it is like to be cared for by an FA who loves SSBBW, so I see the results when someone makes the effort. When he is good at it (which is most of the time), it seems effortless on his part and I am fully grateful.
> 
> We are a unique group of women, but *so well worth the extra time and care. And we should never feel as if we are a burden, but more that the extra loving that is given to us brings about our full potential.*



Ditto that DAB!! Sorry I can't rep you again yet. And I'm truly sorry to MsZ and anyone else if I've said anything that was taken to mean SSBBW are a burden in any way, shape or form. You are a delight and a wonderment, each unique but all to be savored, adored and respected. Personally I have never regretted my preference, only that I could've been more considerate of long term needs as well as immediate ones. 

This thread is about dating SSBBW but if/when it moves on to a LTR the future becomes a part of the relationship. Spoiling and pampering are things that can feel good to both parties in the moment but they can have long term ramifications neither will enjoy. Sometimes doing less for someone now is doing more for them in the long run. That's just been my experience. YMMV.


----------



## D_A_Bunny

Ernest Nagel said:


> Ditto that DAB!! Sorry I can't rep you again yet. And I'm truly sorry to MsZ and anyone else if I've said anything that was taken to mean SSBBW are a burden in any way, shape or form. You are a delight and a wonderment, each unique but all to be savored, adored and respected. Personally I have never regretted my preference, only that I could've been more considerate of long term needs as well as immediate ones.
> 
> This thread is about dating SSBBW but if/when it moves on to a LTR the future becomes a part of the relationship. Spoiling and pampering are things that can feel good to both parties in the moment but they can have long term ramifications neither will enjoy. Sometimes doing less for someone now is doing more for them in the long run. That's just been my experience. YMMV.



Thank you Ernest. I actually thought what you said about sometimes doing less is better for the long run, is right on the money. I myself am very spoiled and demanding and sometimes take advantage of my hubby's very generous nature. It has cost me some independence and there are times when I am very upset about it. It is then that I need to remember that it is not his fault he spoils me rotten and that I am the one in control.
So kudos to you for speaking from a place of experience.

On a side note, I referenced these last few posts to hubby while we were on the phone a few minutes ago. His response was, hey some people like driving a Lamborghini and they are quite a bit of work to drive and maintain, but nobody complains about that. And once you really get into the groove of handling the car, and you realize just how much you love it, the work seems quite minimal. PS, he is a mechanic so he relates most things to cars as I do with food.


----------



## BeaBea

mszwebs said:


> I don't want to be *handled* and I hate that this thread makes me feel like that's what happens. Like I'm a disaster that needs to be cleaned up in order to have some semblance of normalcy.
> I am not a situation. I am woman.



Well said! I am (very casually) seeing someone who has never dated a woman my size before, but if we hit a bump in the road we just deal with it when it happens. 

As an example we met up with a bunch of around 15 of his friends for a meal. The majority of the party wanted to sit outside but I could see straight away that I wasn't going to fit into the outside chairs. I whispered in his ear that I wasn't going to fit, and he disappeared inside the restaurant and bought out a chair for me - and I sat down and enjoyed a lovely evening. There was no drama and I didn't feel like I was a problem or that I was being 'handled.'

God knows I LOVE FA's - but there is definitely something to be said for a man who looks after me and treats me with care and concern for my comfort not because I am 500lbs but simply because I am a woman. Somehow in a supersized life having a man make me feel 'ordinary' is pretty much the most special and magical thing he can do!

Tracey xx


----------



## SocialbFly

mszwebs said:


> There are times when I hate reading this thread.
> 
> I don't want to be *handled* and I hate that this thread makes me feel like that's what happens. Like I'm a disaster that needs to be cleaned up in order to have some semblance of normalcy.
> I am not a situation. I am woman.
> 
> I'm sorry. I would like to be so much more clear, but the feelings that I get reading this thread sometimes make my thoughts impossible to communicate.



I think you were quite clear and i agree...and you ARE quite the woman, which thankfully, he will never know...


----------



## SocialbFly

BeaBea said:


> Well said! I am (very casually) seeing someone who has never dated a woman my size before, but if we hit a bump in the road we just deal with it when it happens.
> 
> As an example we met up with a bunch of around 15 of his friends for a meal. The majority of the party wanted to sit outside but I could see straight away that I wasn't going to fit into the outside chairs. I whispered in his ear that I wasn't going to fit, and he disappeared inside the restaurant and bought out a chair for me - and I sat down and enjoyed a lovely evening. There was no drama and I didn't feel like I was a problem or that I was being 'handled.'
> 
> God knows I LOVE FA's - but there is definitely something to be said for a man who looks after me and treats me with care and concern for my comfort not because I am 500lbs but simply because I am a woman. Somehow in a supersized life having a man make me feel 'ordinary' is pretty much the most special and magical thing he can do!
> 
> Tracey xx





you know we make such a big deal out of our everyday things...but honestly, if there were not enough chairs wouldnot a guy go in and get you one...? so my question is, we make such a big deal out of it, but if we were short would you not put running boards on a big truck? if you were blind would you not need to make adjustments...etc etc...we are who we are....maybe the question is not about how much trouble we are, but maybe about how selfless or selfish are you...if you are a giver, those things wont bother you, but if you do not have a giving nature then i am certain dating someone that takes effort, no matter what the effort is, is too much for you to take....so maybe that is the question...how selfish are you?


----------



## LillyBBBW

SocialbFly said:


> you know we make such a big deal out of our everyday things...but honestly, if there were not enough chairs wouldnot a guy go in and get you one...? so my question is, we make such a big deal out of it, but if we were short would you not put running boards on a big truck? if you were blind would you not need to make adjustments...etc etc...we are who we are....maybe the question is not about how much trouble we are, but maybe about how selfless or selfish are you...if you are a giver, those things wont bother you, but if you do not have a giving nature then i am certain dating someone that takes effort, no matter what the effort is, is too much for you to take....so maybe that is the question...how selfish are you?



Right on. There are always adjustments. Date a guy who's 6'8" and you'll have to take his unique needs into consideration too. If you think you (the collective you) can escape having to do any adjusting by picking only partners with world records in speed skating you're being naive. You will have to make big adjustments for a new partner as will they. You will merely be exchanging one list of adjustments for another of equal importance and the idea that they may find your needs and quirks too high maintenence is not off the table. Listing unique requirements oftem makes them seem more grandios than they are but in the big picture the adjustments aren't quite so daunting. Often it creates a stronger bond.


----------



## bigsexy920

Question - do you have sex with SSBBWS - Or are we just JO material for you? 

Its like - as long as you fit in my bed - but if you cant fit in my car - 



luv_lovehandles said:


> My preference is just ssbbw need 'special needs' like with seating arrangements cars ect, people in this thread have talked about changing cars ect, i would not want to do that, i like my car n in all honesty some SSBBW could not fit into it.
> 
> n for my defense at least i know my short comings before getting involved with one.
> but as i said i do find ssbbw very attractive i just chose not to be with one.
> 
> n if anyone wants to talk to me about it or anything shoot me a message on aim at 'runawaymisery04'


----------



## bigsexy920

Um most SSBBWS I know have cars - so I dont get this fitting in the car thing as being an issue. Its a cop out. I would never ever expect a person to get a new car in order to date me. 



ecortez766 said:


> Well liking them is one thing. But if you really like someone and they do happen to be an ssbbw. You would find a way to make sure that you have a good time with them on a date. If it means finding a larger car to take them out on a date. That is just one example. You try to make it happen. To benefit who ever you are going out with.
> 
> By the way the car was just one example that I have heard of.


----------



## steely

Anyway,who says the guy has to drive?I'm pretty sure a guy would fit in my car.I drive quite well.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing

Let me see .. 

Having a preference for SSBBW or any type of person in particular and meeting one and falling in love and sharing your life together and all that jazz > ALL material possessions. 

Whatever you may view as a challenge or obstacle will seem very miniscule in comparison. 

That is how I do .. or I probably just can't think of anything better than wrapping my arms around a big girl and sinking into all that softness. Hm, yeah, that's the good stuff.

That is some Friday morning fluff for ya.


----------



## ecortez766

bigsexy920 said:


> Um most SSBBWS I know have cars - so I dont get this fitting in the car thing as being an issue. Its a cop out. I would never ever expect a person to get a new car in order to date me.


Like I had said that was one example that I have heard.


----------



## Mikey

bigsexy920 said:


> Um most SSBBWS I know have cars - so I dont get this fitting in the car thing as being an issue. Its a cop out. I would never ever expect a person to get a new car in order to date me.



You and most you know probably also don't weight 550+ pounds...women who are 350-450 likely can be comfortable in most vehicles.


----------



## BeaBea

Mikey said:


> women who are 350-450 likely can be comfortable in most vehicles.



Not true. Depends on your height, weight distribution, the car itself and a million other factors. 

The point is though - if the lady in question has her own car then it doesn't matter what the man drives.

Tracey


----------



## B68

BeaBea said:


> Not true. Depends on your height, weight distribution, the car itself and a million other factors.
> 
> The point is though - if the lady in question has her own car then it doesn't matter what the man drives.
> 
> Tracey



That's right. An SSBBW can only be too sexy for her own car.


----------



## Mikey

BeaBea said:


> Not true. Depends on your height, weight distribution, the car itself and a million other factors.
> 
> The point is though - if the lady in question has her own car then it doesn't matter what the man drives.
> 
> Tracey



True indeed!!!


----------



## Victim

You have to look for the license plate frame that reads "My other ride is a SSBBW"


----------



## Mikey

Victim said:


> You have to look for the license plate frame that reads "My other ride is a SSBBW"



That is just tacky!


----------



## D_A_Bunny

Victim said:


> You have to look for the license plate frame that reads "My other ride is a SSBBW"





Mikey said:


> That is just tacky!



Well, hubby sometimes jokes and tells people his other car is a BMW. What he really means is a Big Mean Woman. just a friendly joke between us. When I used to work, if I called out sick and he had already left for work, I would call his work and leave a message "tell him the BMW is parked in the garage".


----------



## Victim

If I can't come up with a tasteless joke every once in a while, what good am I?


----------



## largenlovely

*whispers* it made me giggle  hehe



Victim said:


> If I can't come up with a tasteless joke every once in a while, what good am I?


----------



## D_A_Bunny

largenlovely said:


> *whispers* it made me giggle  hehe



me too!


...


----------



## chunkylex

I totally understand what the SSBBW are feeling, and talking about. Happen to be earlier this year (2008) i went to a County Fair with my friend. i hadn't been to it for a few years with school and work, and really nothing to make me want to go. I'm a Fat Guy, chunky What ever you want to Categorize a Slightly Built 5' 8" 285lb Guy. My main reason for joining on this quest to seek fun was his friend that he brought, oh wow was she a Cutie. a little Curvy and just a great personality to add to her looks. we had been talking on the ride over to the fair and well got to know each other a bit, had her laughing almost all the ride. 

we get there , we go to show , the convention where they got nifty things and finally the Rides. i Got on most of them except these other two, that i would look to the Side and see a sign reading the following: "Seats may not accommodate larger people, sorry" i knew i was heading for a pot whole. sure enough Two rides back to back that my friend had forced me onto i couldn't fit.

i was big enough not to fit, but small enough that the Ride controllers would let me on to try. my best friend didn't understand just cause his 145lb Butt can fit in a seat doesn't mean i can. him and his Beautiful friend both felt bad for me, even i felt bad for me at the last one. i didn't even want to eat elephant ears... and those are awesome.

at the end of the night my self esteem was lower then gum under a guys Shoe, and the girl could see that like the sun coming through a freshly wind-xed window. 

you don't have to be super Huge to experience moments that make you feel like your an outsider or a freak show.

Morale of the Story- "put your self in their Shoes" when you take other people's feelings and abilities into consideration, you will both have a good time.:bow::bow:


----------



## squidgemonster

Ernest Nagel said:


> In my experience when you truly love someone it doesn't occur as effort, it's just what there is to do. To me raising children seems like a colossal effort (not why I never had any, btw). For most parents though it seems it just goes with the territory. You love them so you do whatever you need to to support them. In all my years with SSBBW the only real concern I've had beyond the natural health issues any woman can have is dependency. With SSBBW the temptation to make her life too easy, to handle more than is necessary can make her more sedentary than can be healthy.
> 
> I would caution men who can't say no or be present to your partners discomfort to be very careful that you aren't too accommodating. Yes, it takes some effort and and maybe even pain for her to do some things for herself but as long as she can you should let her. You can't always be around and she needs as much independence as she can have. The loss of stamina and mobility can be tragically accelerated by a partner who is too supportive.
> 
> I'm sure some will take exception to this but trust me when I say I know whereof I speak. I'm not saying avoid SSBBW if you can't keep from making them dependent; just be considerate of the consequences to her. And yes, I know the woman has free will and can make her own choices re activity, etc. but it's just as tempting for some to be spoiled as it can be to pamper and protect someone you love.
> 
> Re some of the responses to LL I think Gandhi had it right; be the change you want to see in the world. Want more compassion and sensitivity? Be more compassionate and sensitive. I think many of you had very valid points that could have been handled better as PM's to LL. His post was insensitive but I don't think that was intentional. I say stupid things all the time but fortunately I have friends who quietly, privately point out my gaffes. I guess how we deal with people who cross lines depends a bit on whether we want them to get better or go away? That's not for me to say but it doesn't mean I can't say something about it. :bow:



Ernest,I agree with your post,we are only human,and NONE of us are perfect,
I am helping my GF regain as much of her mobility as possible ,and she makes strenuous efforts to do this,as a life of immobility isnt worth even thinking about.


----------



## Emma

I think the only time I would expect an FA to change his life (ie: car, furnishings ect.) was if we were in a long term relationship and planning to spend our lives together. If I was just dating someone I wouldn't expect/want it at all. I'm not really at the stage now where someone would have to, but if I don't manage to stop gaining weight it could be a possibility.


----------



## TheBiggerTheBetter

If I was dating an BBW or a SSBBW I would change anything for her. And not because she was a BBW but because thats just what I would do for my Lady. I dont date a BBW, my girl is 125lbs and she'll never change that (DAMNIT) but I do love her and I have changed a lot of things in my life for her. If she ever dumps me eventually I'd get over it and I would probably honestly go for a BBW/SSBBW and if she was my Lady I would change anything I needed to for her.


----------



## TheMildlyStrangeone

I'd hope she wouldn't want me to change anything for her


----------



## shazz2602

Ive been out with various guys in my life and they have not needed to change anything , I'm 6ft tall so i find some cars difficult because im also about 12 ft wide but i have never had a problem, i can get into and out of most cars and as for furniture its never to difficult when your out to find a chair thats either wide or has no arms on it.
I think its really getting out of proportion that being a ssbbw makes you so different, god i can jog and do 99% of things a skinny bird can do!


----------



## ecortez766

shazz2602 said:


> Ive been out with various guys in my life and they have not needed to change anything , I'm 6ft tall so i find some cars difficult because im also about 12 ft wide but i have never had a problem, i can get into and out of most cars and as for furniture its never to difficult when your out to find a chair thats either wide or has no arms on it.
> I think its really getting out of proportion that being a ssbbw makes you so different, god i can jog and do 99% of things a skinny bird can do!



Well as far as 12 ft wide. You certainly dont look it.


----------



## washburn

As far as "realities" go (always always use quotations with the term "reality") I would not have it any other way. I have a matriarchal personality by nature but I take great satisfaction in putting on my hunnys socks and shoes, ordering dinner, telling the service we want bench seats, even down to washing under her belly and drying her off. (sorry hun I had to let that one out hehehehe) My girl is my reason and my soulmate, there isn't anything i wouldn't do for her and i love doing it. For myself it isn't a matter of changing myself for someone, its me finally finding the place in this world that fits me well. I LOVE YOU BABE!!!


----------



## AlethaBBW

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Let me see ..
> 
> Having a preference for SSBBW or any type of person in particular and meeting one and falling in love and sharing your life together and all that jazz > ALL material possessions.
> 
> Whatever you may view as a challenge or obstacle will seem very miniscule in comparison.
> 
> That is how I do .. or I probably just can't think of anything better than wrapping my arms around a big girl and sinking into all that softness. Hm, yeah, that's the good stuff.
> 
> That is some Friday morning fluff for ya.



Wouldn't let me rep you...but...just...wow.:wubu::wubu::wubu:


----------



## squidgemonster

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Let me see ..
> 
> Having a preference for SSBBW or any type of person in particular and meeting one and falling in love and sharing your life together and all that jazz > ALL material possessions.
> 
> Whatever you may view as a challenge or obstacle will seem very miniscule in comparison.
> 
> That is how I do .. or I probably just can't think of anything better than wrapping my arms around a big girl and sinking into all that softness. Hm, yeah, that's the good stuff.
> 
> That is some Friday morning fluff for ya.



You couldnt have said it better than that,especially the sinking in bit ...sigh


----------



## Plainguy

Personally I have indeed considered the realities of dating a SSBBW, there are always accomodations to be made. It's part of the reality of dating anyone. While a smaller car is sometimes a necessity, I do have a "mid-sized" car that depending on the person can be unfriendly. . I was fortunate in having one or two SSBBW in my family as I was growing up, so I learned how to be of assistance. Anyway I whole heartedly agree, we FA's need to be understanding, and "have a clue" as to the needs, and necessities of the women in our lives. Take a minute to find out if the theater has bbw friendly seating, if the restaurant has armless chairs, you'll be happier for doing it, and the lovely lady will be grateful as well. . 

It's just plain ole common courtesy. . Or being a gentleman. . lol


----------



## shazz2602

Plainguy said:


> Personally I have indeed considered the realities of dating a SSBBW, there are always accomodations to be made. It's part of the reality of dating anyone. While a smaller car is sometimes a necessity, I do have a "mid-sized" car that depending on the person can be unfriendly. . I was fortunate in having one or two SSBBW in my family as I was growing up, so I learned how to be of assistance. Anyway I whole heartedly agree, we FA's need to be understanding, and "have a clue" as to the needs, and necessities of the women in our lives. Take a minute to find out if the theater has bbw friendly seating, if the restaurant has armless chairs, you'll be happier for doing it, and the lovely lady will be grateful as well. .
> 
> It's just plain ole common courtesy. . Or being a gentleman. . lol



Awwwww arent you a sweetie :kiss2:


----------



## OnlineFeeder

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell



Great introduction. Well, first of all I think that a real FA doesn't prove embarassing in front of other peoples. Personally I never met a SSBBW [I hope will happen soon], but I'll not embarassed of her. I mean, if you stay with a person, this means that you love that person. Love is not embarassing: if I love that person, doesn't matter what the peoples think. I would be proud to stay with a SSBW, I help her to getting up from a chair, I help her to enter in a vehicle and I help her to walk. I do whatever she want!


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

shazz2602 said:


> Ive been out with various guys in my life and they have not needed to change anything , I'm 6ft tall so i find some cars difficult because im also about 12 ft wide but i have never had a problem, i can get into and out of most cars and as for furniture its never to difficult when your out to find a chair thats either wide or has no arms on it.
> I think its really getting out of proportion that being a ssbbw makes you so different, god i can jog and do 99% of things a skinny bird can do!



I don't think it is true that it is being blown out of proportion. When I first hit 500 10 years ago, I could do all of the things you say you can do....but a decade of being over 500 takes it toll and I do need special accommodations. It also depends on how you are built as to what cars you fit in. I have seen you in person and you look no where near my size and you have no problem fitting places and driving a car, I on the other hand struggle greatly. Just because life is fine and dandy for you doesn't mean the rest of us are "getting out of proportion". My large belly makes most cars impossible because my belly hits the gear lever...it isn't a matter of "fitting"....I can get in and out...but actually allowing the car to transport is a different matter all together.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

shazz2602 said:


> Ive been out with various guys in my life and they have not needed to change anything , I'm 6ft tall so i find some cars difficult because im also about 12 ft wide but i have never had a problem, i can get into and out of most cars and as for furniture its never to difficult when your out to find a chair thats either wide or has no arms on it.
> I think its really getting out of proportion that being a ssbbw makes you so different, god i can jog and do 99% of things a skinny bird can do!



500lbs stretched out over 6' of person is a lot different than those same 500lbs distributed over 5' of person.


----------



## Victim

Ella Bella said:


> 500lbs stretched out over 6' of person is a lot different than those same 500lbs distributed over 5' of person.



I'm sure there are some 6' FAs here that would volunteer to have 500lbs stretched out over them...


----------



## fatgirlflyin

Victim said:


> I'm sure there are some 6' FAs here that would volunteer to have 500lbs stretched out over them...




HA! Not the point that I was trying to make, but I'm sure there are.


----------



## squidge dumpling

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I don't think it is true that it is being blown out of proportion. When I first hit 500 10 years ago, I could do all of the things you say you can do....but a decade of being over 500 takes it toll and I do need special accommodations. It also depends on how you are built as to what cars you fit in. I have seen you in person and you look no where near my size and you have no problem fitting places and driving a car, I on the other hand struggle greatly. Just because life is fine and dandy for you doesn't mean the rest of us are "getting out of proportion". My large belly makes most cars impossible because my belly hits the gear lever...it isn't a matter of "fitting"....I can get in and out...but actually allowing the car to transport is a different matter all together.



I totally agree with you Donnie, being over 500 for so long does takes its toll on you and it depends on your height also as i am only 5ft 5 and i cant fit into most cars as my belly gets in the way. So yes i do need special accommodations and my boy friend makes sure all this is taken care off. So I agree with Donni were not " getting this out of proportion" every SSBBW has different needs.


----------



## goodthings

Cali Rock Climber said:


> What if I lead a really active lifestyle and I'm also very socially conscious. I care about the environment and try to leave as small a carbon footprint behind as possible. I don't even own a car. I walk, bike, or take mass transit to wherever I need to get to (here in San Francisco it's really quite easy since most of the city is walkable, albeit hilly, and the light rail and subway systems are also fairly convenient).
> 
> Yet at the same time, a dream of mine has always been to get with a SSBBW. I would be willing to comprimise somewhat on my lifestyle choices and just hope they would also be willing to do likewise. Is there any future between me and my dream woman?





Of course you can. Like any relationship regardless of size one must make compromise and have their own hobbies and activities. You can climb your mountain while I make a picnic in the valley for when you are done. You watch hockey while I do my crafts. We drive in my hybrid if the walk will be too difficult etc


----------



## goodthings

BigBellySSBBW said:


> Not so fond? LOL. I have never experienced pure hatred like this in all of my life. It's hard to explain because the bbws that were raised here know nothing different and the bbws in America can't comprehend it. You can't understand until you have lived in both cultures. Then add to the fact that things are physically smaller here in the UK and it is a recipe for disaster. It makes me even prouder that Mike is so ok and open about his preference. We always hold hands in public and he doesn't think twice before kissing me in the middle of a store....he makes me feel like a princess even though everyone else is glaring at me. *sigh* I have the best FA hubby....seriously....so thoughtful and loving.



Sounds like it is here in Vancouver, the skinniest city in Canada


----------



## rollhandler

washburn said:


> As far as "realities" go (always always use quotations with the term "reality") I would not have it any other way. I have a matriarchal personality by nature but I take great satisfaction in putting on my hunnys socks and shoes, ordering dinner, telling the service we want bench seats, even down to washing under her belly and drying her off. (sorry hun I had to let that one out hehehehe) My girl is my reason and my soulmate, there isn't anything i wouldn't do for her and i love doing it. For myself it isn't a matter of changing myself for someone, its me finally finding the place in this world that fits me well. I LOVE YOU BABE!!!



Given that i've been with 3 bbw in my dating life and am approaching a 4 yr anniversary with Enxtc I will say it has been different with all of them and would have never chosen differently a way to live if given the choice. That being said. I have AlWAYS thought of the needs of the person I have chosen to date before hand and how to make HER feel most comfortable in any given situation. I credit this to mamas teachings. Being an FA seeking or dating an SSBBW is nothing less than being a gentleman and being empethetic to the needs of someone else over your own. It means not just being a gentleman in courtship but continuing this way of being past the courtship phase of a relationship. It also means knowing what you want and considering what it means in terms past the point of how to get it. Dating is a way of test driving a relationship with someone to judge compatibility of a future together. They can also be a learning experience to find out what one actually wants or doesnt want out of a relationship. From the point of my first date with a fat girl I started out with what I had as a basis of subconcious forethought to what a fat girls needs might be and surprisingly all i had to do was be a gentleman and pick up on cues provided by life as to what worked and what needed fine tuned. As an example I chose the restaurant but let her choose the seat knowing she would need special seating but not knowing which way to go. I provided curb service at entrance and egress and picked a place to eat that provided a bench for waiting list patrons making mental notes for next time to choose a place with a ramp in front of the building instead of at the end of the sidewalk but also got out of the car to help her up the curb. Since that date I have fine tuned my interactions with fat girls to include all manners of intimate care on every level as well as day to day living. It brushed her independant nature to a fine bristle at first but I explained to her that if she was going to be fat anyway why not be treated like the queen i see her as and make being fat as comfortable as possible. Plus there is a level of intimacy shared by us that I rarely see in other couples. I learned quite a bit about how to care for the needs of a fat girl through my failings with the previous two (one thought i was a control freak and the other just thought i was a freak). My furniture has always been fat friendly my cars always spacious the stairs always few or non-existant but always concrete. In 4 years I can count on one hand how many times En has put her own shoes on Dressed herself in my presence, showered herself below the shoulders, powdered beneath her own apron, lotioned her own legs, worried about sitting on something (for fit or for sturdiness) or walked a significant distance to get somewhere, just to name a small variety of care items that get thought about in a single day, and yet i still learn more ways to keep her fat lazy and comfortable with herself as a ssbbw. Her job is to enjoy a level of care that she no longer has to take into consideration or worry about as it is my job to treat her like the queen she is to me. She belches, farts, snores, sweats, wears through clothing faster, she breaks down furniture faster, makes wood floors flex, and for all these things and more she is the most wonderful, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever belonged to. Do I know of the extra level of care an SSBBW needs? I have a good start but theres always room for improvement.
Rollhandler


----------



## billyk

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell


What would you consider a SSBBW as opposed to simply a BBW? what is the difference in weight? billyk


----------



## mikedertrommler

I am happy and fortunate to own a '07 Chevy HHR. It gets great milage and also offers me excellent utility when it comes to moving my drum and percussion equipment, all the while designed in a retro styling that I just love. And, most important, it is very fatty friendly! 
It has been put to the test several times by a few different SSBBW in the 400 pound range, and all have fit and been accommodated very comfortably each and every time. It has received the personal stamp of approval from none other than my good friend Ivy and her room mate Violet, based on the several times I've carted them all over Chicago. I have not had any problems with seatbelts fitting my large friends either. Getting in and out isn't hard either because the car, and it's seats in side, sit just the right hight off the ground, not too high and not too low. Most come stock with running boards too, though I don't see why because it's not too high off the ground. You definitely do not climb into this car, nor do you fall down into the seat seemingly right off the ground. There is one draw back to getting in or out for a larger person in the fact that there aren't any handles on the interior rough to grab onto. Again though, since you're not climbing up persay, I think this issue isn't too great.

I love my HHR and am completely satisfied with it. Before this I had a grand prix coupe and it was a bit more difficult, not only in moving stuff, but mainly in dealing with a larger passenger. Performance wise, I wish it was offered with a 6 cylinder engine, but the 4 cylinder offers me just exactly what I need powerwise, all the while delivering great fuel economy. Fuel prices are low now, but for how long nobody knows. And finally, it's a very affordable car, and even more so now with the slumping economy. There's some great deals to be had.

Just some findings from my experiences with my baby. 





largenlovely said:


> I can understand economics can be tough...but we fat girls can be expensive. i mean, we require large meals, sometimes two seats on a plane, a car that we can fit in..and things of that nature...not sure that there can really be a compromise. I mean, if my man had to choose between a nicer small car and a larger clunker i'd be perfectly fine with the clunker....i dunno...it's quite the conundrum


----------



## goodthings

LiLaKuhJunge said:


> Dating *any* type of person should be prepared to make all involved happy. This even holds true for business meetings...
> * Bad smell is a major downturn, be it your transpiration or the smelly restaurant
> * The emotions of others influence you. Look around and listen to the talk of others during a solo test visit
> * The attention level is important to feeling well. Will you/your date be eyed all evening or ignored completely?
> 
> And there are 1000 other aspects to care about when dating, so the BBW relevant part is really not the most difficult to handle for a guy.
> 
> What has been totally missed here IMHO is how a BBW can improve the date. There are some aspects which lead to total date disasters. Most skinny girls know the tricks to turn a date into a very special event and avoid downturns, but surprisingly a number of BBWs is lacking such card tricks up their sleeves. It seems to have to do with learning from the competition and from friends. We guys check each others flirt strategies and success stories, the "typical" girl does this too.
> 
> And I say that as a guy who really prefers BBWs.
> 
> Kuhjunge



*Most skinny girls know the tricks to turn a date into a very special event and avoid downturns, but surprisingly a number of BBWs is lacking such card tricks up their sleeves. It seems to have to do with learning from the competition and from friends. *
:doh::doh::doh:


----------



## goodthings

olwen said:


> Traci, my friends and I do the same thing with the phone - it's like a get out of date free card - trust me, sometimes you have to!!! But if the date is going well, then neither one of us answers the phone in front of him and we sneak off to the bathroom or somewhere to say everything is cool. Thanks for the courtesy call.
> 
> ETA: This is the most useful on a first date.



I can download an application on my iphone that is a fake call for these types of situations. heehee. I think it is rude, but funny that there is an application out there like that!


----------



## goodthings

Ella Bella said:


> Or, it just tells you that we are pissed off that we've got one more of your kind to deal with.
> 
> Seriously, just because you used to be fat (so you say) do you really think that other people's experiences will be the same as yours? That just because you, as a fat man, planned your next meal while you were still eating a meal, that every other fat person must do the same? Do you now feel that it's your responsibility since you're thin and all (again so you say) to roam around a fat acceptance message board chastising all us pesky fat women?



I wonder though, I am a food addict and even if I ever was able to curb my food obsession, would I not still be a addict in recovery? How does loosing weight change my eating disorder which is psychologically based? SOrry if this does not make sense, but I think the poster was making an assumption that once you have lost weight as a food addict then you are no longer a food addict, does it work that way? I am not sure as I am not skinny, but I assume I would obsess just the same or more...


----------



## goodthings

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?



WTF???
I have a bachelor of science with honours, a bachelor of arts specializing in child and youth care, I work full time, have a life full of interests, friends, pets, I have purchased my own car, l moved half way across Canada and back, left my home to move in with my mom to help care for her when she had terminal cancer and was in fact laying with her when she died, I have separated my emotions from an abusive family, I have continued my life despite the physical trauma my body has been through since birth, I get up and live everyday when I have chronic medical conditions that make it twice as hard as another person to get by, am saving for my retirement, I go out into a world that is hateful towards me and people like me. I am in NO WAY an UNDERACHIEVER!!! With all of the daily struggles that I overcome, I am an OVERACHIEVER cause if I was not, I would have given up by now and I KNOW THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY SSBBW WHO DOES THIS!!! What gall you have to make such a claim.


----------



## shazz2602

socal-richard-1957 said:


> Although I don't know even the slightest thing about you, I'd say its a safe bet that I own a better house than you, drive a better car than you and make more money than you. These are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I have no "downfall" (whatever that is) and my life is far more rich and rewarding than yours. Again, I have no facts to base this on other than I've known many fat women and taken as a whole, their defining characteristic is a tendency to be under achievers.
> 
> You seem like an angry, frustrated woman. Instead of just disagreeing with my comments, you need to make personal attacks. Why are you so easily upset by differing opinions?



I'm sorry but comments like this is why us bigger girls get a hard time if you dont like big people why are you here?


----------



## Victim

That was one guy who I will not be missing any time soon.


----------



## SocialbFly

Victim said:


> That was one guy who I will not be missing any time soon.





awww. wasn't that you posting the secret crush thread on him??

Personally, i will keep my rodeo well trained to look for his biking butt and then introduce him to the grill


----------



## Mikey

Tooz said:


> Ha! Of course you make more money than me! People on WELFARE make more money than me! I just graduated college and don't even have a job yet. The only things to my name are my semi-junky 2002 Taurus (which I love dearly), a cat and some clothes. It's funny that you say this because my life is actually going very well. Money is no indication of ones quality of life-- I can safely say that even if you were one of the richest men, I can not think of anyone who'd be genuinely interested in YOU. Not your money, not your things, YOU. What you have shown here, even if it is a tiny sliver of your personality, would be more than enough to greatly sway any woman worth her salt.
> 
> I'm giving you a hard time because what you're saying leaves you so incredibly open to people taking swipes. Sorry to rain on your parade, but I'm not angry, nor am I frustrated. Granted, there is very little way to prove something like this over the internet, but ask anyone who knows me well: it's obvious when I'm mad, and this ain't it.



BRAVO!!! <standing and clapping>

Richness isn't always measured by monetary or material wealth!!! Being fulfilled in your spiritual and personal life is definitely more enviable!!


----------



## Ernest Nagel

SocialbFly said:


> awww. wasn't that you posting the secret crush thread on him??
> 
> Personally, i will keep my rodeo well trained to look for his biking butt and then introduce him to the grill



Maybe best to just let him roll on? Saves you all that paperwork and he still suffers. 

According to a Massachusetts Male Aging Study, *avid bicyclists riding more than three hours each week experience temporary erectile dysfunction because it can damage nerves and compress arteries in the penis. *Here's why: The seat puts pressure on the area between the genitals and anus. In turn, the pressure can harm nerves and obstruct blood flow resulting in numbness in the penis and erectile dysfunction. Rather than give up biking altogether, it's recommended to wear padded biking pants, to raise the handlebars to sit upright and to get a wide and fully padded seat to absorb the ride.

Just guessing but maybe that's why Richard is such a dick?


----------



## imfree

Jay West Coast said:


> HFS!
> 
> Wow, dude. I bet the "downfall" she was talking about doesn't have anything to do with money. Just a hint.
> 
> By the way, I bet you when I drive, I'm driving a more expensive car than you are. When I come home, my place is worth twice as much as yours. And I'm half your age.
> 
> But you know what? None of that means jack shit. Maturity and sophistication come from a lot more than what you own or what you can buy. Real achievement isn't a number with a dollar sign next to it. It's how you treat people in your life that means everything. If you can't come to a place like a size acceptance board internet and treat people--that you admitted you don't even know yet--with thoughtfulness and respect, you've impressed no one.
> 
> Sorry.



Amen, brother, you said it very well! IMHO, some people
own things, some people are owned by their things. A
person with real character is not owned by things. A
person with real character sees beyond physical when
he or she looks at another person. AMEN


----------



## goodthings

I don't know if this is a reality of dating an SSBBW or if it is just me, but I have realized that as an SSBBW my `pool`is shallower than others and so when I did have an experience with a man who liked my body as well as me, I went a little loco trying to keep him long after I knew it was done. I also was not really that interested in him, but it was so nice to have a man take me out and be proud to be with me, a man who was pursuing me like I wanted to be pursued. Three months later I see that the whole situation was really fucked up and it was all because I do not think I could get any better. STUPID ME


----------



## Haunted

goodthings said:


> I don't know if this is a reality of dating an SSBBW or if it is just me, but I have realized that as an SSBBW my `pool`is shallower than others and so when I did have an experience with a man who liked my body as well as me, I went a little loco trying to keep him long after I knew it was done. I also was not really that interested in him, but it was so nice to have a man take me out and be proud to be with me, a man who was pursuing me like I wanted to be pursued. Three months later I see that the whole situation was really fucked up and it was all because I do not think I could get any better. STUPID ME



Your "pool" probably isn't as shallow as you think, and you shouldn't have to settle Because you think your too big to be desirable. thats the wrong way to approach life or dating 

Check em out


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Haunted said:


> Your "pool" probably isn't as shallow as you think, and you shouldn't have to settle Because you think your too big to be desirable. thats the wrong way to approach life or dating
> 
> Check em out


 

Exactly. Seems like desperation to me.

I had the opposite approach. I knew what I wanted and anyone who didn't meet those standards I didn't waste more than 3 dates on and no nookie was had. I was prepared to spend my life single if I had to but I was deptermine I would rather be single and happy than with someone and miserable. As it turns out, I now have someone who fits me perfectly  Be choosy, it makes you seem more precious when a guy finally gets you


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Donni is right........it really IS better to be alone than with the wrong person. I truly am happier single.......


----------



## Hathor

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Donni is right........it really IS better to be alone than with the wrong person. I truly am happier single.......



Amen, sister! 

It'd be great to have someone, but it's hard to find the one person who is everything you need. It's just not fun to date a bunch of losers in the meantime.

For the record, speaking of SSBBW and cars, I tend to go towards trucks. I own a full size truck and I love men who drive them too. I'm definitely a country girl at heart. =)


----------



## goodthings

I drive a Honda civic and fit in quite well. As a tmi I was actually able to get lucky in the driver side in my car. I am still not sure how we managed but it worked quite well I think because he was skinny we are similar heights and both of us are flexable


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

goodthings said:


> I drive a Honda civic and fit in quite well. As a tmi I was actually able to get lucky in the driver side in my car. I am still not sure how we managed but it worked quite well I think because he was skinny we are similar heights and both of us are flexable




You must be A LOT smaller than me then, lol, I can't even imagine how we would manage in a car period....much less the drivers seat!!! But hey, you go girl!


----------



## LillyBBBW

BigBellySSBBW said:


> You must be A LOT smaller than me then, lol, I can't even imagine how we would manage in a car period....much less the drivers seat!!! But hey, you go girl!



Right?? I have to take my coat off the get in the car.


----------



## goodthings

I am 5'7 and 375ish. I have no idea how it worked and not sure it would work again. Dude hasn't called me again so I cannot even try if I wanted.


----------



## Emma

BigBellySSBBW said:


> You must be A LOT smaller than me then, lol, I can't even imagine how we would manage in a car period....much less the drivers seat!!! But hey, you go girl!



lol I'm a little smaller and I managed it in the front seat of a coupe. LOL


----------



## sugarmoore

any man i would be with would have to be patient and kind and wouldnt care what it took to be with his sugar...i hope! lol


----------



## Mikey

sugarmoore said:


> any man i would be with would have to be patient and kind and wouldnt care what it took to be with his sugar...i hope! lol



...and you deserve nothing less!!!!


----------



## imfree

goodthings said:


> I am 5'7 and 375ish. I have no idea how it worked and not sure it would work again. Dude hasn't called me again so I cannot even try if I wanted.



His loss, you're a lovely woman.:bow:


----------



## CleverBomb

CurvyEm said:


> lol I'm a little smaller and I managed it in the front seat of a coupe. LOL


Love always finds a way.
So does sex.

-Rusty


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

goodthings said:


> I am 5'7 and 375ish. I have no idea how it worked and not sure it would work again. Dude hasn't called me again so I cannot even try if I wanted.



yeah at 375 I coulda managed it. But I got fat, lol. oops


----------



## Famouslastwords

LillyBBBW said:


> Right?? I have to take my coat off the get in the car.



Amen lol  :happy:

I'm 377 and couldn't manage that.


----------



## Mikey

At the risk of getting flamed I am going to post this with the best of intentions. Having had a very rough winter in the Midwest and Northeast, I want to suggest that anyone who has supersized friends offer to help them with their snow removal. I know many of our supersized friends are more then capable of shoveling snow and hauling around bags of salt and ice melt. However, a fair number are not. In addition, while walking is treacherous for everyone, for some of our friends getting off of the ground after a fall on their own steam is very tough. So helping with snow removal or errands on particularly foul days would be helpful to many I am sure. Again, as in earlier posts, I am speaking from MY experiences.


----------



## SamanthaNY

Mikey said:


> At the risk of getting flamed I am going to post this with the best of intentions. Having had a very rough winter in the Midwest and Northeast, I want to suggest that anyone who has supersized friends offer to help them with their snow removal. I know many of our supersized friends are more then capable of shoveling snow and hauling around bags of salt and ice melt. However, a fair number are not. In addition, while walking is treacherous for everyone, for some of our friends getting off of the ground after a fall on their own steam is very tough. So helping with snow removal or errands on particularly foul days would be helpful to many I am sure. Again, as in earlier posts, I am speaking from MY experiences.


This.

Excellent suggestions, and thoughtful post. 

Thank you.


----------



## indy500tchr

Mikey said:


> At the risk of getting flamed I am going to post this with the best of intentions. Having had a very rough winter in the Midwest and Northeast, I want to suggest that anyone who has supersized friends offer to help them with their snow removal. I know many of our supersized friends are more then capable of shoveling snow and hauling around bags of salt and ice melt. However, a fair number are not. In addition, while walking is treacherous for everyone, for some of our friends getting off of the ground after a fall on their own steam is very tough. So helping with snow removal or errands on particularly foul days would be helpful to many I am sure. Again, as in earlier posts, I am speaking from MY experiences.





SamanthaNY said:


> This.
> 
> Excellent suggestions, and thoughtful post.
> 
> Thank you.




I totally agree! I fell while trying to do the very same thing. Still hurt all over.


----------



## LillyBBBW

[hijack]
This reminds me of something. I'm fat right? So I go online and I order a grocery delivery so I don't have to be bothered going to the market. The day of the delivery it snows like a mother. The delivery company sends an automated call saying drivers will be late and to make sure the front of your place is cleared for the driver to get in. So I had to drag my ass downstairs and go shovel. I clear the walk, make two paths leading to the street and begin to clear a spot in front of the house for the delivery truck.

As I'm standing in the street clearing a spot these hicks in an SUV semi park next to me. They were waiting for me to finish so they could pull into the space I was shoveling. Were they on dope? I mean, would you do that? Some big fat old lady is shoveling out a parking space and you idle nearby waiting to take it? Stinkin' turds. I stood there casually leaning on the shovel, panting and wiping my brow like I was taking a rest to prevent a heart attack and finally they took another space and went in to the restaurant. I couldn't believe that! People amaze me. 

[/hijack]


----------



## imfree

Mikey said:


> At the risk of getting flamed I am going to post this with the best of intentions. Having had a very rough winter in the Midwest and Northeast, I want to suggest that anyone who has supersized friends offer to help them with their snow removal. I know many of our supersized friends are more then capable of shoveling snow and hauling around bags of salt and ice melt. However, a fair number are not. In addition, while walking is treacherous for everyone, for some of our friends getting off of the ground after a fall on their own steam is very tough. So helping with snow removal or errands on particularly foul days would be helpful to many I am sure. Again, as in earlier posts, I am speaking from MY experiences.





SamanthaNY said:


> This.
> 
> Excellent suggestions, and thoughtful post.
> 
> Thank you.





indy500tchr said:


> I totally agree! I fell while trying to do the very same thing. Still hurt all over.



The weather and dangerous rain-slick front porch steps caused
me to delay a full week or more in going to the Emergency 
Room for my cellulitis in late December. I hear Y'all loud & clear!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

LillyBBBW said:


> [hijack]
> This reminds me of something. I'm fat right? So I go online and I order a grocery delivery so I don't have to be bothered going to the market. The day of the delivery it snows like a mother. The delivery company sends an automated call saying drivers will be late and to make sure the front of your place is cleared for the driver to get in. So I had to drag my ass downstairs and go shovel. I clear the walk, make two paths leading to the street and begin to clear a spot in front of the house for the delivery truck.
> 
> As I'm standing in the street clearing a spot these hicks in an SUV semi park next to me. They were waiting for me to finish so they could pull into the space I was shoveling. Were they on dope? I mean, would you do that? Some big fat old lady is shoveling out a parking space and you idle nearby waiting to take it? Stinkin' turds. I stood there casually leaning on the shovel, panting and wiping my brow like I was taking a rest to prevent a heart attack and finally they took another space and went in to the restaurant. I couldn't believe that! People amaze me.
> 
> [/hijack]



I'm surprised they didn't ask if you wanted to buy them lunch.....:doh:


----------



## jewels_mystery

What a bunch of losers. I would have put the snow back after they left. lol



LillyBBBW said:


> [hijack]
> This reminds me of something. I'm fat right? So I go online and I order a grocery delivery so I don't have to be bothered going to the market. The day of the delivery it snows like a mother. The delivery company sends an automated call saying drivers will be late and to make sure the front of your place is cleared for the driver to get in. So I had to drag my ass downstairs and go shovel. I clear the walk, make two paths leading to the street and begin to clear a spot in front of the house for the delivery truck.
> 
> As I'm standing in the street clearing a spot these hicks in an SUV semi park next to me. They were waiting for me to finish so they could pull into the space I was shoveling. Were they on dope? I mean, would you do that? Some big fat old lady is shoveling out a parking space and you idle nearby waiting to take it? Stinkin' turds. I stood there casually leaning on the shovel, panting and wiping my brow like I was taking a rest to prevent a heart attack and finally they took another space and went in to the restaurant. I couldn't believe that! People amaze me.
> 
> [/hijack]


----------



## Mikey

LillyBBBW said:


> [hijack]
> This reminds me of something. I'm fat right? So I go online and I order a grocery delivery so I don't have to be bothered going to the market. The day of the delivery it snows like a mother. The delivery company sends an automated call saying drivers will be late and to make sure the front of your place is cleared for the driver to get in. So I had to drag my ass downstairs and go shovel. I clear the walk, make two paths leading to the street and begin to clear a spot in front of the house for the delivery truck.
> 
> As I'm standing in the street clearing a spot these hicks in an SUV semi park next to me. They were waiting for me to finish so they could pull into the space I was shoveling. Were they on dope? I mean, would you do that? Some big fat old lady is shoveling out a parking space and you idle nearby waiting to take it? Stinkin' turds. I stood there casually leaning on the shovel, panting and wiping my brow like I was taking a rest to prevent a heart attack and finally they took another space and went in to the restaurant. I couldn't believe that! People amaze me.
> 
> [/hijack]



You definitely aren't old!!


----------



## rollhandler

LillyBBBW said:


> [hijack]
> This reminds me of something. I'm fat right? So I go online and I order a grocery delivery so I don't have to be bothered going to the market. The day of the delivery it snows like a mother. The delivery company sends an automated call saying drivers will be late and to make sure the front of your place is cleared for the driver to get in. So I had to drag my ass downstairs and go shovel. I clear the walk, make two paths leading to the street and begin to clear a spot in front of the house for the delivery truck.
> 
> As I'm standing in the street clearing a spot these hicks in an SUV semi park next to me. They were waiting for me to finish so they could pull into the space I was shoveling. Were they on dope? I mean, would you do that? Some big fat old lady is shoveling out a parking space and you idle nearby waiting to take it? Stinkin' turds. I stood there casually leaning on the shovel, panting and wiping my brow like I was taking a rest to prevent a heart attack and finally they took another space and went in to the restaurant. I couldn't believe that! People amaze me.
> 
> [/hijack]



So.....at what point of your shovelathon did you start thinking that it would have been easier to have just gone to the market in the first place?
WEG
Rollhandler


----------



## LillyBBBW

rollhandler said:


> So.....at what point of your shovelathon did you start thinking that it would have been easier to have just gone to the market in the first place?
> WEG
> Rollhandler



The moment I hung up the phone and groaned realizing I was going to have to put my boots on and scrape the pavement with a bad shoulder and a metal shovel. Actually shoveling was the better deal. I don't have a car so I would have had to take my old lady cart and go on the bus. That would have sucked worse.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Mikey said:


> You definitely aren't old!!



Thanks Mikey.


----------



## Russ2d

> any man i would be with would have to be patient and kind and wouldnt care what it took to be with his sugar...i hope! lol




I agree with Mikey (excellent posts Mikey), don't settle for anything less Sugar. I hope there are not too many FA guys out there who are not willing to take extra special care of their BBW/SSBBWs.


Lilly, my god what a couple of losers you encountered. I can't even imagine doing something like that- disgraceful.


----------



## Tooz

Mikey said:


> You definitely aren't old!!



Second. You are a foxy lady, my dear.


----------



## Adrian

As a man, I guess I was lucky in that I married a BBW who grew into a SSBBW. So, any and all problems she encountered as she got larger, I loved her so I simply adapted. Getting a smaller steering wheel, etc. I have always been protective of my wife and gawd, help the fool who gives her problems when I am around. When I wasn't around she did suffer the torment of other's hurtful statement. Unkind statements made thirty years ago before being a BBW was more acceptable, and was far more frequent. I couldn't be beside her in job interviews or visits to the doctors were far more brutal. 
It really saddens me to read of all you lovely ladies being treated so poorly. That their are men to incompetent or imaginative to support an SSBBW is bad, it does require fore thought. Many men don't realize that, I don't know how best to convey that point. (I only know one man who had a SSBBW wife and he was at best tolerant of her being large.) It certainly was not something I ever thought before wife was an SSBBW.

Adrian


----------



## Tracii

In high school when I was skinny I dated some of the fat guys because I found them soo cute all pudgy and soft.
My girlfriends thougt I was nuts and were always on my case about it.They never kept a boy friend for more than a month.


----------



## rollhandler

Sometimes there are hardships as an SSBBW that I sorta take for granted if that makes sense? I was out on a date and as we were crossing the street he stepped up on the curb and reached for my hand. I thought that was kinda odd. I chuckled a little and asked him what he was doing and he said he was helping me up on the curb. As first I felt like it was overkill. What are we, clawing our way up Everest or something? I played along 'cause he was cute and took his hand and hefted my way up on the curb. The thing is, my knees DO hurt when I climb the curb but I've gotten so used to it that I don't think about it anymore. His hand did actually help which astonished me in a way. *I* had never really considered I suppose. He must have picked up on this habit from previous experience or something. I started out thinking the gesture kinda condescending but managed to see it in the spirit for which it was intended. I won't storm off in a huff from now on if every FA I meet doesn't think to do this but it was very sweet. YMMV of course. Some chicks might feel put out or condescended to but I thought it was great. Eventually. 
__________________


This is probably the most important lesson for any FA in any relationship with any size of BBW or SSBBW. The line is fine between help and condecension in any relationship but with women as ferociously independant as (SS)BBW have to be to get by in life sometimes our intent to be good FAs works against us. The hardest thing sometimes for an FA is figuring out when to let her do something for herself, when to help her do something, and when to do it for her. All have their merits and the first two can help her maintain her independence and self worth as well as help her to appreciate us all the more when the third is needed. The joy of the relationship is the journey that leads people to the destination together, learning from each other is the transport that takes them there.
Rollhandler


----------



## rollhandler

candygodiva said:


> *giggles* Thank ya love!
> Yeah, I'd never experienced such concern over my well being before meeting Tommy. I guess I didn't mind it at first, but was probably a bit put off buy it. After a while he started slacking, due to the fact that I'd complain about it, saying, "I'm ok, I've got it.", till the first time he wasn't right there with me when I actually took a tumble onto my big butt. I have a muscular disorder, and sometimes my legs will just go out from under me for no apparent reason. He's been watching me like a hawk ever since.
> When I told him I posted about him, he just re-affirmed what I'd thought. He knows I can't see my feet when I walk, so he just likes to make sure I'm not going to trip on something. "Not on my watch.", he'll say. When we first started seeing eachother, and I moved in with him as a roommate, I noticed he wasn't only like that with me, but every other ssbbw and bbw he was dating. He's definitely one of the good ones.
> 
> It's not something to be expected from every FA, but is one of those endearing things I love about some of them.
> 
> Love and CandyKisses
> :kiss2::kiss2::kiss2:



Been there done that. Any FA worth his salt understands that when someone of greater size goes down, "SOMETHING" is gonna get hurt. What may be something to walk off for a more slender smaller figure could be worth of an ER visit to a (SS)BBW and the more savvy FAs look for ways to prevent that from happening when we can. The fact that he does this with ALL and not just you should be a twofold Kudo. The first is that you see how genuine the gesture is, and two it makes the other women out there jealous that he is already taken which should be a boost to you that you are the one who has him.
Rollhandler


----------



## goodthings

So i traded in my car today and purchased a pontiac wave g3. It is surprisingly comfortable. I am 5'8 and 375lbs

http://www.gm.ca/gm/english/vehicles/pontiac/g3-wave/overview


----------



## Mikey

goodthings said:


> So i traded in my car today and purchased a pontiac wave g3. It is surprisingly comfortable. I am 5'8 and 375lbs
> 
> http://www.gm.ca/gm/english/vehicles/pontiac/g3-wave/overview



For all of us Yanks, the g3 Wave is sold in the US as a Chevrolet Aveo. 
It seems that the modern upright seating positions you find in cars like the g3, VW New Beetle,Toyota Matrix/Pontiac Vibe, Scion Xb, etc. works for those of us who are of ample figure.

FYI...it looks like we will be trading our smallish BMW 530i for an exceptionally roomy Acura MDX. Since moving to the country, my wife decided she needs the benefits of all wheel drive, and the MDX has that, as well as seats that are comfortable for her "rapidly widening" (her words) derriere.


----------



## goodthings

Mikey said:


> For all of us Yanks, the g3 Wave is sold in the US as a Chevrolet Aveo.
> It seems that the modern upright seating positions you find in cars like the g3, VW New Beetle,Toyota Matrix/Pontiac Vibe, Scion Xb, etc. works for those of us who are of ample figure.
> 
> FYI...it looks like we will be trading our smallish BMW 530i for an exceptionally roomy Acura MDX. Since moving to the country, my wife decided she needs the benefits of all wheel drive, and the MDX has that, as well as seats that are comfortable for her "rapidly widening" (her words) derriere.



my father drives and mdx and it is very roomy and comfortable


----------



## OzGuy

I'm married to a SS woman and have 2 daughters, my eldest is SS and my youngest is well on the way to her fat utopia too, so while I'm not talking in a dating sense, by default I know all too well the trials and tribulations of living day to day life with SS women. I picked my house/furniture based on it, my car based on it and even our holidays and outings are based on where we can comfortably take the girls. Every day presents challenges, and I love to meet them. I have learned so much about the needs of big women, I kind of think I'm an expert these days. Any of the SSBBWs on this forum will know what I'm talking about when I say that little things like dining at Mcdonalds or going to the cinema, or concerts, or even relaxing at home require special big girl considerations, so my life is moulded most of the time around them. Do I feel dominated and frustrated sometimes? yess, but I woudln't have it any other way. I love my girls and want them to be happy with who they are. I truly enjoy helping them enjoy life.


----------



## Adrian

OzGuy, you sound like a very good family man! -Adrian


----------



## BarbBBW

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell



No wonder my husband wanted to get a Minivan !! I think he is hoping for a couple ssbbw!! lol


----------



## OzGuy

Adrian said:


> OzGuy, you sound like a very good family man! -Adrian



Thanks Adrian 

It's just natural to want to be there for your family. I don't consider what I do as anything special from what most fathers and husbands would do.  Like I said, it's all good and a whole lot of fun.


----------



## Adrian

OzGuy, if your previous post was accurate and you weren't exaggerating then, you and I are unfortunately not the typical spouse of a SSBBW! Opening doors for women is not common behavior for most American men. Many aspects of chivalry in contemporary America no longer exist. To many people seem to go through life just reacting to it, not much planning ahead especially in day to day inter-personal behaviors.

-Adrian


----------



## steely

I live in the southern part of the United States and I can assure you chivalry is not dead.I have gentlemen hold doors for me often.I'm known to hold doors for people myself.Kindness is never out of style.


----------



## OzGuy

steely said:


> I live in the southern part of the United States and I can assure you chivalry is not dead.I have gentlemen hold doors for me often.I'm known to hold doors for people myself.Kindness is never out of style.





Adrian said:


> OzGuy, if your previous post was accurate and you weren't exaggerating then, you and I are unfortunately not the typical spouse of a SSBBW! Opening doors for women is not common behavior for most American men. Many aspects of chivalry in contemporary America no longer exist. To many people seem to go through life just reacting to it, not much planning ahead especially in day to day inter-personal behaviors.
> 
> -Adrian



I've never thought of my actions as chivalry, but more as good manners and part of being a man. I was raised by my parents to have respect for women regardless of their size. Opening doors for them, Ladies first out of an elevator, standing when meeting at a restaurant , and seating a women first are all still more common than people think. Even standing and giving your seat to a lady on a crowded train still exists, albeit mostly to an elderly or pregnant lady these days. Long may it live I say.....

As far as my family goes, I'm talking more about moulding the environment we live in (and often visit) to suit, and being responsible to make it big girl friendly and safe so to speak. Like it or not this has to be done and it's often the most subtle of things that can make all the difference. I could go through some day to day examples if you wish but I think everyone, certainly the SSBBW women who read this forum would know what I'm talking about.
Cheers


----------



## goodthings

steely said:


> I live in the southern part of the United States and I can assure you chivalry is not dead.I have gentlemen hold doors for me often.I'm known to hold doors for people myself.Kindness is never out of style.



Canadians are pretty polite...but we are getting less and less helpful to each other and men are definitely not as "helpful" to me as they are to my non-fat friends. 

When I was in university I lived in a northern town that got a dump of snow, my car was in the parking lot covered in snow, I was working on digging myself out and a guy asked to use my shovel, thinking (stupidly) that he was going to help me, he took my shovel and helped a "hot girl" shovel out her car, when he was done he gave me my shovel back and allowed me to continue to struggle with clearing my car out.


----------



## itsbrookebaby_xo

goodthings said:


> Canadians are pretty polite...but we are getting less and less helpful to each other and men are definitely not as "helpful" to me as they are to my non-fat friends.
> 
> When I was in university I lived in a northern town that got a dump of snow, my car was in the parking lot covered in snow, I was working on digging myself out and a guy asked to use my shovel, thinking (stupidly) that he was going to help me, he took my shovel and helped a "hot girl" shovel out her car, when he was done he gave me my shovel back and allowed me to continue to struggle with clearing my car out.



wow...
what a jerk!


----------



## op user

And let me guess the "hot girl" smile to him and drive away to meet her boyfriend.

op user


----------



## HugeFan

I don't think 'chivalry' is dead by any stretch of the imagination, and I don't think opening doors for a lovely SSBBW, or BBW, or anyone, is uncommon. Civil society still exists, at least here in the South.


----------



## SSBBBWVeuveJenCoBu

Yeah, I guess chivalry is out there. It's just difficult finding it. Or it finding me, rather.:doh:

It all begins at home and parents/ guardians must begin raising and educating their kids w/ manners and respect for all. But then again many of them were probably lacking parents that probably never had any 'home training' as my friends & I call it. Its a pity.


----------



## steely

goodthings said:


> Canadians are pretty polite...but we are getting less and less helpful to each other and men are definitely not as "helpful" to me as they are to my non-fat friends.
> 
> When I was in university I lived in a northern town that got a dump of snow, my car was in the parking lot covered in snow, I was working on digging myself out and a guy asked to use my shovel, thinking (stupidly) that he was going to help me, he took my shovel and helped a "hot girl" shovel out her car, when he was done he gave me my shovel back and allowed me to continue to struggle with clearing my car out.



Really... How rude!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

I think goodthings should have brained that ass clown with that shovel......to knock some damn sense and manners into him.


----------



## LillyBBBW

goodthings said:


> Canadians are pretty polite...but we are getting less and less helpful to each other and men are definitely not as "helpful" to me as they are to my non-fat friends.
> 
> When I was in university I lived in a northern town that got a dump of snow, my car was in the parking lot covered in snow, I was working on digging myself out and a guy asked to use my shovel, thinking (stupidly) that he was going to help me, he took my shovel and helped a "hot girl" shovel out her car, when he was done he gave me my shovel back and allowed me to continue to struggle with clearing my car out.



I'm really sorry that hapend to you goodthings but in all honestly I'm not surprised at all. People are *so* rude and ignorant when it comes to snow. Like those jerks who nearly mowed me down trying to get in to a space I had just shoveled out. I remember a few years back there was an increase in scuffles and arrests in the city of Boston because people were getting into altercations over parking spaces. After spending time shoveling out a space someone would take if from you just like that and tempers would flare. I think the city had to make an ordinance it got so bad. It has resulted in my attitude in times of snow. "Sure you can borrow my shovel.... for a small fee." Unless it's an old lady, a relative or someone who has a clear disadvantage in inclement weather I carry a hardliners attitude.


----------



## Tau

goodthings said:


> Canadians are pretty polite...but we are getting less and less helpful to each other and men are definitely not as "helpful" to me as they are to my non-fat friends.
> 
> When I was in university I lived in a northern town that got a dump of snow, my car was in the parking lot covered in snow, I was working on digging myself out and a guy asked to use my shovel, thinking (stupidly) that he was going to help me, he took my shovel and helped a "hot girl" shovel out her car, when he was done he gave me my shovel back and allowed me to continue to struggle with clearing my car out.



That sucks  I don't get guys who do things like that. Just cos you don't wanna shag me you can't be polite??! A WTFHOWRUDE!!! moment for me was when i was about 14 and a good friend and i were taking a walk and we had to cross what was usually a stream but cos of the summer rains had swelled to almost a river with rocks all through it that we hopped on to get across. We happened to meet a group of guys on the banks of the newly born water mass and they literally had a shoving match trying to help my thin, gorgeous friend across then completely ignored me and leapt their merry way across . I was really hurt and confess that I went home and cried about it afterwards. Dudes like that - the kind who say things like "You can carry these cos you're a big girl, it won't be heavy for you" piss me off so badly. And I'm pretty sure I could carry it, and yes I made it across the water just fine, but why've you got to be a total ass about helping out somebody you don't find attractive? Goodthings, your story hit a sore spot thats for sure!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

I SAY WE ALL GET TOGETHER AND BEAT THAT GUYS EFFING ASS!!!!



There, I said it


----------



## bigcutiekitkat

goodthings said:


> Canadians are pretty polite...but we are getting less and less helpful to each other and men are definitely not as "helpful" to me as they are to my non-fat friends.
> 
> When I was in university I lived in a northern town that got a dump of snow, my car was in the parking lot covered in snow, I was working on digging myself out and a guy asked to use my shovel, thinking (stupidly) that he was going to help me, he took my shovel and helped a "hot girl" shovel out her car, when he was done he gave me my shovel back and allowed me to continue to struggle with clearing my car out.



I would of hit him over the head as he walked away from me ! Smack! Making sure I made a dent in the shovel ! Maybe it would of knocked some manners into his brain !
Kat


----------



## goodthings

goodthings said:


> Canadians are pretty polite...but we are getting less and less helpful to each other and men are definitely not as "helpful" to me as they are to my non-fat friends.
> 
> When I was in university I lived in a northern town that got a dump of snow, my car was in the parking lot covered in snow, I was working on digging myself out and a guy asked to use my shovel, thinking (stupidly) that he was going to help me, he took my shovel and helped a "hot girl" shovel out her car, when he was done he gave me my shovel back and allowed me to continue to struggle with clearing my car out.



As I was driving home yesterday I recalled a time....It was christmas eve and I just got off a night shift at work. the snow was really bad and as I turned a corner I ended up in a snow bank. I of course freaked out, me, middle of night on Christmas eve, supersized and having to push, pull or drag my car out of the snow bank...yikes. However, this time, two lovely men stopped and helped me out of the snow bank without me even getting out of the car! I felt so blessed that night. I have to try to remember those times rather than the ones that I wrote of before. There are a lot of shit people out there willing to be rude and hateful to me, but there are also a lot of nonshitty people who will help another human because it is good and right, not because the other human is beautiful according to societal standards


----------



## Mikey

goodthings said:


> Canadians are pretty polite...but we are getting less and less helpful to each other and men are definitely not as "helpful" to me as they are to my non-fat friends.
> 
> When I was in university I lived in a northern town that got a dump of snow, my car was in the parking lot covered in snow, I was working on digging myself out and a guy asked to use my shovel, thinking (stupidly) that he was going to help me, he took my shovel and helped a "hot girl" shovel out her car, when he was done he gave me my shovel back and allowed me to continue to struggle with clearing my car out.



I guess perception is everything! From the photo you have posted with your profile, I would have considered YOU the "hot girl," and DEFINITELY would have helped you out, and offered to have you join me for a cup of hot chocolate to warm up when I was done! 
:bow:


----------



## Tau

goodthings said:


> As I was driving home yesterday I recalled a time....It was christmas eve and I just got off a night shift at work. the snow was really bad and as I turned a corner I ended up in a snow bank. I of course freaked out, me, middle of night on Christmas eve, supersized and having to push, pull or drag my car out of the snow bank...yikes. However, this time, two lovely men stopped and helped me out of the snow bank without me even getting out of the car! I felt so blessed that night. I have to try to remember those times rather than the ones that I wrote of before. There are a lot of shit people out there willing to be rude and hateful to me, but there are also a lot of nonshitty people who will help another human because it is good and right, not because the other human is beautiful according to societal standards



That's true - its too easy to get bogged down in the ugly stuff :bow:


----------



## patfahan

learned lots thing from this thred


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

I still want to get a gang up so we can all go beat that guy's ass........


----------



## sway304

It's a bit of work but awesome.....


----------



## goodthings

sway304 said:


> It's a bit of work but awesome.....



could you elaborate?


----------



## Victim

goodthings said:


> could you elaborate?



Wait, I need to grab some popcorn and one of those sheets of plastic like you see in the front row at a Gallagher show.


----------



## Mikey

sway304 said:


> It's a bit of work but awesome.....



Work denotes something that is not all pleasure...it never has been work for me, but always a pleasure to pamper the woman that was the love of my life!! :bow:


----------



## D_A_Bunny

I think that it is a bit of work, but awesome as well, and I am the SSBBW getting the work done. Obviously we all do things for the people that we love and the rewards are many. But anyone going into a relationship with another person that doesn't realize the amount of labor involved, might just be fooling themselves.

Personally my husband does a million things to enhance my life and make it easier for me. Things that are basic, some for safety and some just to pamper. He does them because he loves me and he understands that to be in a relationship with an SSBBW that it will require more planning and labor on his part. 

Hell, being an SSBBW is more work for me as well. But hey, someone has to do it.


----------



## Duniwin

Work doesn't necessarily mean "not pleasure."
A relationship with *anyone *requires work, but that work can be very rewarding and even enjoyable in itself.
And if you use the definition of _work = mass times distance moved_, then a relationship with a SSBBW involves more work for both partners.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Duniwin said:


> Work doesn't necessarily mean "not pleasure."
> A relationship with *anyone *requires work, but that work can be very rewarding and even enjoyable in itself.
> *And if you use the definition of work = mass times distance moved, then a relationship with a SSBBW involves more work for both partners. *



That was the geekiest, awesomest thing I've ever read. LOL


----------



## TallFatSue

Duniwin said:


> Work doesn't necessarily mean "not pleasure."
> A relationship with *anyone *requires work, but that work can be very rewarding and even enjoyable in itself.
> And if you use the definition of _work = mass times distance moved_, then a relationship with a SSBBW involves more work for both partners.


May I "borrow" that very moving equation? My husband is an engineer and he'll understand completely. Very rewarding and pleasurable indeed. To further the engineering analogy, this kind of work is best powered by *ecstatic electricity*. 

I've been on a business trip in Reno, Nevada all week. The timing couldn't be better because tomorrow he's flying here to meet me for the long Memorial Day weekend. You betcha we'll be workin' it! :smitten:


----------



## Mikey

Duniwin said:


> Work doesn't necessarily mean "not pleasure."
> A relationship with *anyone *requires work, but that work can be very rewarding and even enjoyable in itself.
> And if you use the definition of _work = mass times distance moved_, then a relationship with a SSBBW involves more work for both partners.



Well, of course a relationship with *anyone* requires work! My read on it was that he was saying it was *extra* work to be with a SSBBW, and my feeing is that it is pampering a woman. I never view any of it as a task, it is all a *pleasure* and *privilege*!!!

While I do fully understand the realities of an SSBBW expending more energy in movement, and respect that, putting it in terms of raw physics completely takes the humanity and love out of the equation. That was the point I was trying to make. The End.


----------



## ToniTails

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I think goodthings should have brained that ass clown with that shovel......to knock some damn sense and manners into him.



I have to go with the lovely GEF on this one- it's the first thought that popped in my head- shoulda hit him over HIS head- that is so messed up- not only did he ask to use it and not help, but he caused you to spend more time in the cold waiting for him to use it--- grrr


----------



## Duniwin

BigBeautifulMe said:


> That was the geekiest, awesomest thing I've ever read. LOL



Haha.. thanks...:blush:



TallFatSue said:


> May I "borrow" that very moving equation? My husband is an engineer and he'll understand completely.



Absolutely! I hate to see equations go unused.


----------



## goodthings

00 toni lynn 00 said:


> I have to go with the lovely GEF on this one- it's the first thought that popped in my head- shoulda hit him over HIS head- that is so messed up- not only did he ask to use it and not help, but he caused you to spend more time in the cold waiting for him to use it--- grrr



heehee, that would have been pretty good, unfortunately I am a passivist so beating him was out of the question, no matter how much he deserved it! I do think that things do balance out in the end. One day he will need help and won't get it to the same level as the help he would not give me. Does that make sense?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

It does to me, goodthings. Karma is a real bitch sometimes.....


----------



## Darling Nickie

I am a ssbbw and currently with a guy ive been seeing for two years. i'm his first fat chick let alone an ssbbw. so i understand the frustrations that come with guys not understanding what our needs are. "i dont understand why we have to wait for a table to open up there are three tight there" he says " yes but those are booths and i cant wedge myself inbetween the back of the seat and the friggan table. He sometimes feels like a slow learner but we're working on it


----------



## Famouslastwords

Those wacky men, huh Nickie?


----------



## GutsGirl

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I think a lot of guys who are "into SSBBW" are in denial about what it takes to live the reality of being with a ssbbw.
> 
> Even Mike, being with me has taught him so much. I have had to train him and point things out to him and explain why certain things are impossible. Guys, even the really good guys, just don't get it sometimes. It take patience to teach FAs how out bodies actually work.



Yeah... but I think that a lot of guys are like that about a LOT of different things.  My dad, for example, is totally clueless about what time I go to school, even if it's been weeks or months since I've started a particular schedule and even if I do that particular schedule up to 4 times every week. At first when I started noticing this (about 2 or 3 years ago), I was really worried about it because my dad had recently had treatment for brain cancer (he has been cancer-free for several years now, thankfully ). When I expressed this concern to one of my fellow students, she said, "Well... maybe he's just being a guy".

I think she was right. 



BigBellySSBBW said:


> I know what you mean though....a long time ago I was chatting to a guy near me who wanted to go on a date with me. I was at my heaviest weight then and he had a monster truck. I turned him down and explained that if he ever wanted to date a ssbbw he should get a car that wouldn't make her feel like a freak. We didn't talk much after that, lol.



I would love to ride in a monster truck.  Only downside would probably be that I would think it would be very loud.  And I only like loud music, not loud car/truck/motorbike engines.


----------



## LillyBBBW

GutsGirl said:


> Yeah... but I think that a lot of guys are like that about a LOT of different things.  My dad, for example, is totally clueless about what time I go to school, even if it's been weeks or months since I've started a particular schedule and even if I do that particular schedule up to 4 times every week. At first when I started noticing  this (about 2 or 3 years ago), I was really worried about it because my dad had recently had treatment for brain cancer (he has been cancer-free for several years now, thankfully ). When I expressed this concern to one of my fellow students, she said, "Well... maybe he's just being a guy".
> 
> I think she was right.
> 
> 
> 
> I would love to ride in a monster truck.  Only downside would probably be that I would think it would be very loud.  And I only like loud music, not loud car/truck/motorbike engines.



It's rare I've been in a situation where I immediately thought, "No effin' way!" I mean if he wanted to go running or go on a day long bike trek that would be the first thing out of my mouth, I'm not going to lie. I'm not at the size or stage though where I would refuse to get in a car or truck. It would be a problem for someone who might be a little bigger or have more limited mobility. I think it's fair to at least discuss these things as a possibility even though it's possible the person won't have an issue. 

I think the point of all this hoopla really is that guys are often caught off guard by some of the stuff that might be problematic or necessary for an ssbbw that meybe he hadn't considered before. When we're walking down the street and I'm trailing behind and he stops and turns and waits for me to catch up with the irritable sigh of doom on his face as he watches me draw near I want to grab him by the ears and shake him till his face comes off and I can see his skull. That is totally UP THERE as being one of the worst feelings in the world for an ssbbw to endure. It seems a simple thing to create some mild awarenesses so we can avoid that kind of drama. Why should a piddley thing like that overshadow the whole of a good friendship? These kinds of discussions appear to me to be a good thing, no?


----------



## Carrie

LillyBBBW said:


> When we're walking down the street and I'm trailing behind and he stops and turns and waits for me to catch up with the irritable sigh of doom on his face as he watches me draw near I want to grab him by the ears and shake him till his face comes off and I can see his skull. That is totally UP THERE as being one of the worst feelings in the world for an ssbbw to endure. It seems a simple thing to create some mild awarenesses so we can avoid that kind of drama. Why should a piddley thing like that overshadow the whole of a good friendship? These kinds of discussions appear to me to be a good thing, no?


Agreed completely. The walking ahead thing is, admittedly, an emotional hot button for me because of what you described, Lilly, the feeling of being the object of someone's impatience, but also because when my ex-husband used to do it, I was never quite sure if he did it out of carelessness/impatience, or because he wanted to distance himself from me in public. Most likely both. So it was a doubly awful feeling. 

Please, please, please. Walk _with_ us, guys. It's a small act that will reap big dividends in terms of how we perceive you and your feelings for us. :blush:


----------



## Scotter

Carrie said:


> Please, please, please. Walk _with_ us, guys. It's a small act that will reap big dividends in terms of how we perceive you and your feelings for us. :blush:



If the two start off walking apace, and continue a conversation while walking, then the conversation hits a lull and one person falls behind, it can happen that the other person doesn't realize for a few moments that his or her walking partner is no longer beside him or her. Then he or she turns, and is surprised, thinking "where did (s)he go?" The person ahead turns around, to see that his or her partner is about 10 paces behind, and gives a look, not to mean "What can't you keep up," but rather, "Why didn't you say something?"

My first girlfriend used to do this repeatedly - walk 50 yards matching pace, then suddenly disappear, and for five seconds I would have no clue, then look and she's gone. She would get mad because I walked off ahead, whereas I had thought she was right next to me. My position was that if I got ahead, say something and I'll slow down. She agreed to say something and the problem was solved. 

Before anyone says anything, this girl was 110 lbs and could run as fast as I could (yes, I dated a few skinny girls in my early years).

Generally, when two people walk together, one person knows where to go, and the other is following. The person navigating will be paying more visual attention to the way ahead than constantly craning his or her neck to check next to him or her.

Any admirer worth his or her salt would gladly slow down if asked, but may not realize immediately if the partner slows down after a pace is established. If his or her partner slows down without giving any indication, The frustration on his or her face may not be due to the partner falling behind, but rather due to being made to feel foolish or shocked at the sudden disappearance, or that the partner couldn't be bothered to say "hey hold up," or "can we slow down a bit," or "hang on a sec," etc.

While it may be obvious to the person falling behind that the other one is going off ahead, it's nowhere near as obvious to the person who thinks, for a second or two, that his or her partner is still just to the left or right.

In the case of a bbw or ssbbw, perhaps the pace can feel ok at first, but then after a minute or two slowing down is necessary. Don't be afraid to say something. Don't be embarrassed to admit that you need to slow down. Communication is the key. Keep your partner in the loop. Say something while he or she is still next to you before getting too far ahead.

If he or she *still* walks out in front, *then* you can feel perfectly justified in taking a left turn and hailing a cab.


----------



## Rowan

Scotter said:


> (yes, I dated a few skinny girls in my early years).



why did you feel the need to justify this?

im just curious


----------



## snuggletiger

I say conversation filler or attempt at non sequiter.


----------



## KHayes666

Rowan said:


> why did you feel the need to justify this?
> 
> im just curious



While I can't speak for him, most of us who date smaller girls admit to it to show we don't discriminate and show that personality means more than looks.

I've said it a thousand times, put a 300 pound outspoken complete bitch of a bbw and a bland, kind, sweet 120 pound girl next to each other and I'd date the 120 pound girl. Now if you flip it around and 300 pound girl is the sweetheart, I'd date her just the same.

As for the current topic, I also think its a tough transition from dating smaller girls to bbw's. Walking with them can be a problem if you're used to male friends or smaller girls walking just as fast if not faster than you. Carrying bags for them because they can't, pulling up to a door of a building because they can't walk from a parking space a mile away, going very slowly on stairs....it gets tough for someone not used to it at first.

However, if a guy is dedicated enough, he'll learn how to cope and co-exist.


----------



## Rowan

KHayes666 said:


> While I can't speak for him, most of us who date smaller girls admit to it to show we don't discriminate and show that personality means more than looks.
> 
> I've said it a thousand times, put a 300 pound outspoken complete bitch of a bbw and a bland, kind, sweet 120 pound girl next to each other and I'd date the 120 pound girl. Now if you flip it around and 300 pound girl is the sweetheart, I'd date her just the same.
> 
> As for the current topic, I also think its a tough transition from dating smaller girls to bbw's. Walking with them can be a problem if you're used to male friends or smaller girls walking just as fast if not faster than you. Carrying bags for them because they can't, pulling up to a door of a building because they can't walk from a parking space a mile away, going very slowly on stairs....it gets tough for someone not used to it at first.
> 
> However, if a guy is dedicated enough, he'll learn how to cope and co-exist.



to be honest...this response has disgusted and angered me immensely..and i will respond when i can be totally democratic and polite


----------



## KHayes666

Rowan said:


> to be honest...this response has disgusted and angered me immensely..and i will respond when i can be totally democratic and polite



yeah yeah yeah shake your fist in rage.

Is it because I pointed out its tough to make a transition when your mind is conditioned another way? Is it because I'm not going to sugarcoat the topic? No one's perfect, the first time someone walks past someone or parks too far away shouldn't mean to throw them off a cliff. Sorry to be realistic but this is the REALITY of dating an ssbbw and it could be tough for someone on their first time or not used to it. Excuse me if I see ssbbw's as human beings and not goddesses that I should bow down to and cater to their every whim, it takes dedication and effort to date one whether anyone would like to admit it. Again, if someone likes whoever they're with enough, they'll adapt.

Eh, why do I even bother explaining....


----------



## Rowan

KHayes666 said:


> yeah yeah yeah shake your fist in rage.
> 
> Is it because I pointed out its tough to make a transition when your mind is conditioned another way? Is it because I'm not going to sugarcoat the topic? No one's perfect, the first time someone walks past someone or parks too far away shouldn't mean to throw them off a cliff. Sorry to be realistic but this is the REALITY of dating an ssbbw and it could be tough for someone on their first time or not used to it. Excuse me if I see ssbbw's as human beings and not goddesses that I should bow down to and cater to their every whim, it takes dedication and effort to date one whether anyone would like to admit it. Again, if someone likes whoever they're with enough, they'll adapt.
> 
> Eh, why do I even bother explaining....



This is a thread about dating a SSBBW in case you hadnt noticed. Those of us who fall into this category..we have a harder time...we breathe hard going up steps, we get worn out, we have a hard fucking time sometimes.

i stated that a guy might have a hard time getting usd to this kind of thing.

so wtf you throwing attitude at me?

and kid..i dont ask anyone to bow down to me...only to respect me. Ive NEVER asked anyone to cater to me...so when you come back at something..get your facts


----------



## Scotter

Rowan said:


> why did you feel the need to justify this?
> 
> im just curious



Not justifying, just stating a fact... I dated a few skinny girls when I was younger. 

It says junior member on my profile but that's only because I very seldom post. I have been involved with this group since it was the FA-SIG of NAAFA, and very active in the size acceptance movement in other venues -- so there might be more than a few that would be surprised by the news that I dated a few skinny girls. My point in bringing that up was to illustrate that the person in question had no impediment to maintaining the pace, yet blamed me for walking ahead when it was her who slowed down, perhaps just to see if I would notice. I did, but not instantly, only about five seconds later.

At any rate, communication solved the problem.

That reminds me of an embarrassing moment when I, that same girl, and my best friend Todd were tourists Toronto. I was holding her hand, and Todd was to my left. We walked into an elevator, so naturally all did an about face.. at which point I took hold of Todd's hand, and it took me a second to realize what I had done. I had forgotten to switch hands after the about face. Oops.


----------



## KHayes666

Rowan said:


> This is a thread about dating a SSBBW in case you hadnt noticed. Those of us who fall into this category..we have a harder time...we breathe hard going up steps, we get worn out, we have a hard fucking time sometimes.
> 
> i stated that a guy might have a hard time getting usd to this kind of thing.
> 
> so wtf you throwing attitude at me?
> 
> and kid..i dont ask anyone to bow down to me...only to respect me. Ive NEVER asked anyone to cater to me...so when you come back at something..get your facts



My attitude is I keep seeing one post after another saying how guys are walking past them, not slowing down, etc and I'm here to say its just instinctively for some guys.

You asked why he was justifying himself for saying he dated thin girls, well could it be so many guys have a hard time slowing down for ssbbw's is because they've never had to before?

For season veterans we know how to act and react to situations, it comes with experience. Standing on a soapbox and roaring at guys who aren't used to it is unfair.


----------



## Rowan

KHayes666 said:


> My attitude is I keep seeing one post after another saying how guys are walking past them, not slowing down, etc and I'm here to say its just instinctively for some guys.
> 
> You asked why he was justifying himself for saying he dated thin girls, well could it be so many guys have a hard time slowing down for ssbbw's is because they've never had to before?
> 
> For season veterans we know how to act and react to situations, it comes with experience. Standing on a soapbox and roaring at guys who aren't used to it is unfair.



if you actually take the time to read my post ...you'd know i wasnt railing against anyone..just asked a question

and if a guy is mature enough to date a ssbbw...he should know it isnt like taking out some skinny chick...there are differences

...are you coming to the orlando thing in a couple weeks?


----------



## KHayes666

Rowan said:


> if you actually take the time to read my post ...you'd know i wasnt railing against anyone..just asked a question
> 
> and if a guy is mature enough to date a ssbbw...he should know it isnt like taking out some skinny chick...there are differences
> 
> ...are you coming to the orlando thing in a couple weeks?



Then i guess this is a misunderstanding, my bad,

I've been in the hospital for days, I doubt I'd even make it to the Bash even if I was going.


----------



## mossystate

Another reality of dating an ssbbw is that many are outspoken.


----------



## Rowan

bloody hell..cant rep the moss ..grr


----------



## bigsexy920

You could always just hold hands when walking. You will know when someone is not there anymore AND girls like it.



Scotter said:


> If the two start off walking apace, and continue a conversation while walking, then the conversation hits a lull and one person falls behind, it can happen that the other person doesn't realize for a few moments that his or her walking partner is no longer beside him or her. Then he or she turns, and is surprised, thinking "where did (s)he go?" The person ahead turns around, to see that his or her partner is about 10 paces behind, and gives a look, not to mean "What can't you keep up," but rather, "Why didn't you say something?"
> 
> My first girlfriend used to do this repeatedly - walk 50 yards matching pace, then suddenly disappear, and for five seconds I would have no clue, then look and she's gone. She would get mad because I walked off ahead, whereas I had thought she was right next to me. My position was that if I got ahead, say something and I'll slow down. She agreed to say something and the problem was solved.
> 
> Before anyone says anything, this girl was 110 lbs and could run as fast as I could (yes, I dated a few skinny girls in my early years).
> 
> Generally, when two people walk together, one person knows where to go, and the other is following. The person navigating will be paying more visual attention to the way ahead than constantly craning his or her neck to check next to him or her.
> 
> Any admirer worth his or her salt would gladly slow down if asked, but may not realize immediately if the partner slows down after a pace is established. If his or her partner slows down without giving any indication, The frustration on his or her face may not be due to the partner falling behind, but rather due to being made to feel foolish or shocked at the sudden disappearance, or that the partner couldn't be bothered to say "hey hold up," or "can we slow down a bit," or "hang on a sec," etc.
> 
> While it may be obvious to the person falling behind that the other one is going off ahead, it's nowhere near as obvious to the person who thinks, for a second or two, that his or her partner is still just to the left or right.
> 
> In the case of a bbw or ssbbw, perhaps the pace can feel ok at first, but then after a minute or two slowing down is necessary. Don't be afraid to say something. Don't be embarrassed to admit that you need to slow down. Communication is the key. Keep your partner in the loop. Say something while he or she is still next to you before getting too far ahead.
> 
> If he or she *still* walks out in front, *then* you can feel perfectly justified in taking a left turn and hailing a cab.


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

If a guy isn't into me enough to realise I am not by his side...well then good bye.

Mike always holds my hand.  It's a sure way to keep him at my snails pace. This threads shows that guys like him are one in a gazillion.


----------



## nykspree8

My walking pace varies; sometimes I walk fast, sometimes I walk average, never do I walk slow, BUT I always keep pace with the girl I'm with because I'm conscious about it and don't think she would like me to walk off ahead of her. It's not about bowing down to ssbbws and kissing their feet, it's about respect. Some guys do it naturally and for some guys it takes some training ;P Now about parking and leaving my gf/date at the door to a store, the movies, or w/e. I've never done it before because my ex's have all been in good enough shape I guess where that wasn't an issue at all, or they probably would have said something. It is something I will keep in mind after reading it here because I think it would earn me brownie points if I did this ;P


----------



## LillyBBBW

nykspree8 said:


> My walking pace varies; sometimes I walk fast, sometimes I walk average, never do I walk slow, BUT I always keep pace with the girl I'm with because I'm conscious about it and don't think she would like me to walk off ahead of her. It's not about bowing down to ssbbws and kissing their feet, it's about respect. Some guys do it naturally and for some guys it takes some training ;P Now about parking and leaving my gf/date at the door to a store, the movies, or w/e. I've never done it before because my ex's have all been in good enough shape I guess where that wasn't an issue at all, or they probably would have said something. It is something I will keep in mind after reading it here because I think it would earn me brownie points if I did this ;P



Better not to ask, just do it. "Here, lemme drop you off at the door and I'll park the car," works well. I liked that 20 years ago.  I doubt any girl will refuse.


----------



## Rowan

nykspree8 said:


> My walking pace varies; sometimes I walk fast, sometimes I walk average, never do I walk slow, BUT I always keep pace with the girl I'm with because I'm conscious about it and don't think she would like me to walk off ahead of her. It's not about bowing down to ssbbws and kissing their feet, it's about respect. Some guys do it naturally and for some guys it takes some training ;P Now about parking and leaving my gf/date at the door to a store, the movies, or w/e. I've never done it before because my ex's have all been in good enough shape I guess where that wasn't an issue at all, or they probably would have said something. It is something I will keep in mind after reading it here because I think it would earn me brownie points if I did this ;P



I think you're wonderful...thank you for doing things like that


----------



## Ben from England

I don't get what the big deal with all this walking ruckus is. I've never had this even occur to me. Surely you automatically match the speed of the person you're walking with... hence, walking _with_. Is it even a fat thing specifically? 

My Mum is so short she could get work on the yellow brick road. My Dad's head and shoulders taller. They walk at different speeds. I just asked her, and, somehow, this seemingly insurmountable hurdle never became an issue. They were married for 22 years. These two INVENTED issues. 

I think it's worth remembering that if a partner is that clueless about something like a booth being tight, a flight of stairs being a bit on the epic side or remembering to WALK NEXT TO THE PERSON THEY ARE DATING, it's not that it's some massive burden to date a fat person, it's that they are clueless. That's not a sin, but accountability should be shared here.


----------



## mossystate

Ben from England said:


> I don't get what the big deal with all this walking ruckus is. I've never had this even occur to me. Surely you automatically match the speed of the person you're walking with... hence, walking _with_. Is it even a fat thing specifically?




Was just coming in here to say this.

Some people out here make way too things way too much about teh fat. Isn't it just common sense to walk at the pace of the slowest person? Yeah, now and then we can all wander a bit, but, this ' issue ' is pretty much about common sense and.........courtesy. 

This is basic stuff, folks. Do you need to be told to not chew food while whistling and while near another human being? By yourself, hey, anything goes...otherwise, slap your parents and any other adults who were in charge of grooming your brain.


----------



## msbard90

I wouldn't consider myself an SSbbw ( yet ) but i completely understand how it is, having more limitations, etc.. My boyfriend of 2 years is still getting used to my hurting feet, inability to do all of his outdoor hiking, rockclimbing, etc... (HELL NO), shopping, etc... I see it on his face, he gets annoyed when there's nothing in my size or the bathroom stall is too small so i wait for the handicap one. Its just something you can't understand unless you're experiencing it, and guys need to be more sensitive. We aren't goddesses or anything along that avenue, but if you want to date us bbw's ssbbw's, then you have to realize that it's worth the wait.


----------



## liz (di-va)

I actually have a friend (thin friend) who broke up with her boyfriend because of this! The not walking together thing. Well, not entirely, but it was in the mix.


----------



## SparklingBBW

Rowan said:


> This is a thread about dating a SSBBW in case you hadnt noticed. Those of us who fall into this category..we have a harder time...we breathe hard going up steps, we get worn out, *we have a hard fucking time sometimes*.
> 
> i stated that a guy might have a hard time getting usd to this kind of thing.
> 
> so wtf you throwing attitude at me?
> 
> and kid..i dont ask anyone to bow down to me...only to respect me. Ive NEVER asked anyone to cater to me...so when you come back at something..get your facts


 (I added the bolding)

Switch two words and it's a whole new truth!


----------



## goodthings

Scotter said:


> If the two start off walking apace, and continue a conversation while walking, then the conversation hits a lull and one person falls behind, it can happen that the other person doesn't realize for a few moments that his or her walking partner is no longer beside him or her. Then he or she turns, and is surprised, thinking "where did (s)he go?" The person ahead turns around, to see that his or her partner is about 10 paces behind, and gives a look, not to mean "What can't you keep up," but rather, "Why didn't you say something?"
> 
> My first girlfriend used to do this repeatedly - walk 50 yards matching pace, then suddenly disappear, and for five seconds I would have no clue, then look and she's gone. She would get mad because I walked off ahead, whereas I had thought she was right next to me. My position was that if I got ahead, say something and I'll slow down. She agreed to say something and the problem was solved.
> 
> Before anyone says anything, this girl was 110 lbs and could run as fast as I could (yes, I dated a few skinny girls in my early years).
> 
> Generally, when two people walk together, one person knows where to go, and the other is following. The person navigating will be paying more visual attention to the way ahead than constantly craning his or her neck to check next to him or her.
> 
> Any admirer worth his or her salt would gladly slow down if asked, but may not realize immediately if the partner slows down after a pace is established. If his or her partner slows down without giving any indication, The frustration on his or her face may not be due to the partner falling behind, but rather due to being made to feel foolish or shocked at the sudden disappearance, or that the partner couldn't be bothered to say "hey hold up," or "can we slow down a bit," or "hang on a sec," etc.
> 
> While it may be obvious to the person falling behind that the other one is going off ahead, it's nowhere near as obvious to the person who thinks, for a second or two, that his or her partner is still just to the left or right.
> 
> In the case of a bbw or ssbbw, perhaps the pace can feel ok at first, but then after a minute or two slowing down is necessary. Don't be afraid to say something. Don't be embarrassed to admit that you need to slow down. Communication is the key. Keep your partner in the loop. Say something while he or she is still next to you before getting too far ahead.
> 
> If he or she *still* walks out in front, *then* you can feel perfectly justified in taking a left turn and hailing a cab.



This is why I like holding hands when I walk with a partner!


----------



## goodthings

Rowan said:


> to be honest...this response has disgusted and angered me immensely..and i will respond when i can be totally democratic and polite



I hear ya, dude sure has a way with words...


----------



## Famouslastwords

Rowan I repped Mossy the thing for you.


----------



## KHayes666

goodthings said:


> I hear ya, dude sure has a way with words...



Its funny you should say that, I was reading King Lear in the hospital before posting


----------



## Famouslastwords

Hayes, how many women have you pissed off so far 'round these parts (the boards)?


----------



## butch

mossystate said:


> Another reality of dating an ssbbw is that many are outspoken.



Tried to rep ya, but I couldn't. Gotta watch out for those outspoken fattie women, they're a handfull.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

butch said:


> Tried to rep ya, but I couldn't. Gotta watch out for those outspoken fattie women, they're a handfull.


<----- *points to avatar*


----------



## Littleghost

bigsexy920 said:


> You could always just hold hands when walking. You will know when someone is not there anymore AND girls like it.



This.  I seem to have the natural walking speed of a guy who's drank coffee all morning and then has to pee. Not entirely sure why, unless it's left over from highschool where I had to schlep it across the entire building for nearly every class and not be tardy.

At the same time, if I get distracted and start looking at things, my speed slows down to a crawl. So I'm always either ahead or behind pretty much all the time. I can't match and keep speeds for anything. Unless someone's keeping time with a giant drum ala marching band, which doesn't happen anymore.

So a friend of mine sometimes insists that I hold his hand when walking a lot to stay together. I don't care and it means that if we're feeling particularly dorky we'll swing hands or do a stupid skip for a bit. 

Plus, unless you're playing handheld videogames like a goob, why wouldn't you wanna hold hands with a cute fat girl? ....well, there _IS_ sweatypalmitis ....


----------



## Tooz

mossystate said:


> Another reality of dating an ssbbw is that many are outspoken.



I know I'm outspoken and a bitch to many. I am however, sweet, kind...though I don't know about "bland." wtf was that about?


----------



## mossystate

Tooz said:


> I know I'm outspoken and a bitch to many. I am however, sweet, kind...though I don't know about "bland." wtf was that about?




Yeah. I guess there are very solidly constructed boxes that some like to slam over some women. I think that needs to be seen as a VERY personal issue. 

Always consider sources.

A fawning ' yes-woman ' can make one wrong move, and they will be an outspoken bitch. I know my heart. Sounds like you know yours.


----------



## Tooz

mossystate said:


> Yeah. I guess there are very solidly constructed boxes that some like to slam over some women. I think that needs to be seen as a VERY personal issue.
> 
> Always consider sources.
> 
> A fawning ' yes-woman ' can make one wrong move, and they will be an outspoken bitch. I know my heart. Sounds like you know yours.



Outspoken bitch club?

Bi-annual meetings?

We can crush some balls.


----------



## TraciJo67

My husband has long legs and a lengthy stride. He's also very fast. I hate it ... just HATE it, when we're out in public together and he's half a city block ahead of me. It's rude, and it's thoughtless. There's just no other way to describe it. He's generally a thoughtful person and after years of trying to get him to slow the hell down and match my pace, I've just given up. He's never going to get it. I give him a free pass to gallop ahead of me because, well ... he's going to do it anyway, and my only other option is to make things very unpleasant for both of us. Overall, he's a decent guy 

I don't understand why this is such a point of discussion; why it's not just an intuitive matter of common courtesy. Match. Your. Pace. With. Your. Lady. Is this rocket science? 

The only other thing I'll mention is that if someone is having a hard time keeping up, he/she really needs to SAY something and not just assume that the other party will pick up on non-verbal cues. That was something that I had a hard time doing -- just ASKING my husband to drop me off in front of a store or take a 10-minute break. It made me feel like an invalid. But then I'd get angry at him if he wasn't picking up on my "obvious" exhaustion (wasn't obvious to him, as it turns out) and offering to go get the car or take a rest break.


----------



## TraciJo67

Tooz said:


> Outspoken bitch club?
> 
> Bi-annual meetings?
> 
> We can crush some balls.



I'd like to sign up for the information session.


----------



## snuggletiger

Rowan said:


> bloody hell..cant rep the moss ..grr



Repped her for you


----------



## snuggletiger

goodthings said:


> I hear ya, dude sure has a way with words...



and he probably gets all the ladies 
*scribbles note to self, Dear Self be uncaring*


----------



## mossystate

Tooz said:


> Outspoken bitch club?
> 
> Bi-annual meetings?
> 
> We can crush some balls.




I am sorry that I cannot participate in the actual crushing. I have reached my quota.
I will always be these for moral support, and to give guidance.


* gazes at my collection of small jars *...meeeeeeeeeeemories, light the corners of my outspoken bitch miiiiiiiiiind.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Tooz said:


> Outspoken bitch club?
> 
> Bi-annual meetings?
> 
> We can crush some balls.


Ironically, we should probably both belong to this club. 

"But you actually ARE a bitch, Ginny!" you'd say. 

And you'd be right. 

But I'm perfect club material. Thought of as a complete bitch by many, but know my own heart. 

This was kind of an olive branch, because I just realized we have more in common than we probably think. A useless olive branch? Probably. But at least I tried.


----------



## Tooz

TraciJo67 said:


> I'd like to sign up for the information session.



Please send a SASE to

Bitch Nation
233 Fluffybuns BLVD
Tractortowne, ME 04488


We shall send you an informational brochure.


----------



## exile in thighville

what is this thread about


----------



## LillyBBBW

exile in thighville said:


> what is this thread about



And right on cue. Make sure you spell that address properly exile and include a SASE.


----------



## exile in thighville

touchedouche


----------



## fatgirlflyin

KHayes666 said:


> Walking with them can be a problem if you're used to male friends or smaller girls walking just as fast if not faster than you. Carrying bags for them because they can't, pulling up to a door of a building because they can't walk from a parking space a mile away, going very slowly on stairs....it gets tough for someone not used to it at first.
> 
> However, if a guy is dedicated enough, he'll learn how to cope and co-exist.



Those all sound like things a gentleman would do for any woman, thin or fat. Frankly, if someone has to learn how to cope and co-exist to be with me then they aren't someone I'm going to waste my time with.


----------



## exile in thighville

Ella Bella said:


> Those all sound like things a gentleman would do for any woman, thin or fat. Frankly, if someone has to learn how to cope and co-exist to be with me then they aren't someone I'm going to waste my time with.



i think being with anyone is a learning experience.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

exile in thighville said:


> i think being with anyone is a learning experience.



I agree, but coping isn't the same as learning.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

Not making excuses and I love to walk holding hands or with my arm across a partner's back but I have very bad knees. Walking too slowly really grinds them and hurts a lot. In the past I've generally just chosen to gut it out but I pay for it in terms of inflammation. What would you prefer in this situation? I hate making someone self-conscious about their gait. OTOH I don't mean to be a martyr.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

Ernest Nagel said:


> Not making excuses and I love to walk holding hands or with my arm across a partner's back but I have very bad knees. Walking too slowly really grinds them and hurts a lot. In the past I've generally just chosen to gut it out but I pay for it in terms of inflammation. What would you prefer in this situation? I hate making someone self-conscious about their gait. OTOH I don't mean to be a martyr.



Communication is key. If walking slowly hurts, just say so. Then at least your partner can decide whether or not to accompany you places where there is a lot of walking. That is if she is even bothered by you walking ahead.


----------



## TraciJo67

Ernest Nagel said:


> Not making excuses and I love to walk holding hands or with my arm across a partner's back but I have very bad knees. Walking too slowly really grinds them and hurts a lot. In the past I've generally just chosen to gut it out but I pay for it in terms of inflammation. What would you prefer in this situation? I hate making someone self-conscious about their gait. OTOH I don't mean to be a martyr.



Scott, how could I expect patience & understanding if I'd be unwilling to extend it? I doubt seriously that anyone would have a problem with this, if you explained it. I think we're talking about people who either cluelessly or just plain thoughtlessly don't even try to match pace with their companions.


----------



## KHayes666

Ella Bella said:


> Those all sound like things a gentleman would do for any woman, thin or fat. Frankly, if someone has to learn how to cope and co-exist to be with me then they aren't someone I'm going to waste my time with.



I sound like a horses ass on this thread but after the last 2 weeks I had I don't care anymore.

I'm not saying they won't learn to slow down, but I'm sayin don't chop their friggin heads off because of it.


----------



## Jon Blaze

My walking speed is really fast. I've got places to go! lol 
But in the past with my partners, I've always tried to match their speed regardless.


----------



## Russ2d

> Those all sound like things a gentleman would do for any woman, thin or fat. Frankly



I agree Ella, and especially true for fat women.


----------



## fatgirlflyin

KHayes666 said:


> I sound like a horses ass on this thread but after the last 2 weeks I had I don't care anymore.
> 
> I'm not saying they won't learn to slow down, but I'm sayin don't chop their friggin heads off because of it.



I don't think you sound like a horses ass, I just think you used the wrong words. In any relationship you learn and grow, especially if you are new to dating. I just took issue with your use of the word cope. 

I can fully admit that sometimes fat people just can't walk as fast as thin people, I'll even apply that to myself, though I can hoof it pretty quick on occassion. 

Communication and empathy go a very long way in relationships.


----------



## SocialbFly

Ella Bella said:


> Communication and empathy go a very long way in relationships.



Ella, isnt this mandatory in any relationship?? not just us fatties, if you don't have that, what good is the relationship anyway??


----------



## fatgirlflyin

I agree. It is mandatory in any relationship and I think one of the biggest mistakes we make as a group (fat people) is to think that our relationships are oh so very different than other peoples (non-fat) people. 




SocialbFly said:


> Ella, isnt this mandatory in any relationship?? not just us fatties, if you don't have that, what good is the relationship anyway??


----------



## ashmamma84

Ella Bella said:


> I agree. It is mandatory in any relationship and I think one of the biggest mistakes we make as a group (fat people) is to think that our relationships are oh so very different than other peoples (non-fat) people.



YES! Spot on!


----------



## Victim

Everyone just wants to be respected and loved for who and what they are, no matter what 'complications' may exist.


----------



## steely

My sig line applies to everyone. :happy:


----------



## blueeyedevie

Ok, So Harris and I actually have been reading this forum since it started which was way before I moved up here to be with him. While he did take some advice, not all was taken. So from experience I am about to speak. When Harris went Apartment seeking ( half a year before I moved up) he sought after a bottom floor apartment that was not far from the parking lot. Which he achieved. We have a just a few feet to walk. There is a wheel chair ramp if I walk a bit farther over to excess on days my knees just can't make the crub step. Second on the important list was the potty. Would there be enough room for my butt and for me to do what I needed to do in that area. While there was some (worries) it all worked great once I got here. However thank God I lost 50 lbs or so before I come. Which I am sure helped. So that was basically it with the apartment. Then it was bed buying time. He calls and says do you think you can sleep on a queen? I laugh and say do you not remember sleeping with me? He bought a king. So the sales man says to Harris this bed frame will hold a elephant! Exactly two days it did not make noises after I got here. It now makes noises every time I get up and down. We will see if it last! So it comes to me making the long trip up to New York. Wow that was expensive. We had to stop ever night for me to rest. My legs like to blow up like balloons because of traveling, but we got here. I love it. The apartment was great for the exception it was bare. Only two very small folding chairs. Sigh. Five hundred and ten pounds up and down off the floor every night multiple times is not fun for all you FA's out there that are possibly thinking that you can have a big girl over to your apartment and you don't have furniture. So sofa shopping we went. Harris had to learn the importance of five year Warranties. Which he didn't want to buy in till I whispered in his ear "baby you have a fat lady as a girl friend, trust me you need it as back up." I can't complain really Harris has been taking it like a man mostly. I have to say I wasn't expecting the out bust of " your so demanding" and a list of all those little things that you really don't like talking about that sometimes you need help with... I honestly think when you first start living with someone either a FA or just a regular guy it takes time to adjust. I just thought I would share my experiences. Oh bye the way... THREE WEEKS AFTER THE DAY WE ORDERED THE SOFA WE ARE FINALLY GETTING IT!!! I am excited!I am sure Harris is more excited so he can stop hauling me off the floor.LOL


----------



## LillyBBBW

blueeyedevie said:


> Ok, So Harris and I actually have been reading this forum since it started which was way before I moved up here to be with him. While he did take some advice, not all was taken. So from experience I am about to speak. When Harris went Apartment seeking ( half a year before I moved up) he sought after a bottom floor apartment that was not far from the parking lot. Which he achieved. We have a just a few feet to walk. There is a wheel chair ramp if I walk a bit farther over to excess on days my knees just can't make the crub step. Second on the important list was the potty. Would there be enough room for my butt and for me to do what I needed to do in that area. While there was some (worries) it all worked great once I got here. However thank God I lost 50 lbs or so before I come. Which I am sure helped. So that was basically it with the apartment. Then it was bed buying time. He calls and says do you think you can sleep on a queen? I laugh and say do you not remember sleeping with me? He bought a king. So the sales man says to Harris this bed frame will hold a elephant! Exactly two days it did not make noises after I got here. It now makes noises every time I get up and down. We will see if it last! So it comes to me making the long trip up to New York. Wow that was expensive. We had to stop ever night for me to rest. My legs like to blow up like balloons because of traveling, but we got here. I love it. The apartment was great for the exception it was bare. Only two very small folding chairs. Sigh. Five hundred and ten pounds up and down off the floor every night multiple times is not fun for all you FA's out there that are possibly thinking that you can have a big girl over to your apartment and you don't have furniture. So sofa shopping we went. Harris had to learn the importance of five year Warranties. Which he didn't want to buy in till I whispered in his ear "baby you have a fat lady as a girl friend, trust me you need it as back up." I can't complain really Harris has been taking it like a man mostly. I have to say I wasn't expecting the out bust of " your so demanding" and a list of all those little things that you really don't like talking about that sometimes you need help with... I honestly think when you first start living with someone either a FA or just a regular guy it takes time to adjust. I just thought I would share my experiences. Oh bye the way... THREE WEEKS AFTER THE DAY WE ORDERED THE SOFA WE ARE FINALLY GETTING IT!!! I am excited!I am sure Harris is more excited so he can stop hauling me off the floor.LOL



LOL! I loved reading your story Evie, and congrats to you and Harris on the new digs.


----------



## TallFatSue

blueeyedevie said:


> Ok, So Harris and I actually have been reading this forum since it started which was way before I moved up here to be with him. While he did take some advice, not all was taken.


Sure wish a resource like this had existed when I was actively dating as a confused adolescent and later as a slightly less confused young adult. 


blueeyedevie said:


> Sigh. Five hundred and ten pounds up and down off the floor every night multiple times is not fun for all you FA's out there that are possibly thinking that you can have a big girl over to your apartment and you don't have furniture.


Yep, up and down, up and down. That reminds me of one of my more, er, challenging dating experiences wayyyy back in 1975. I was a freshman at Ohio State University, and I knew some boys liked fat girls, but I had never heard of the term "fat admirer". One senior took me out a few times. Mr. Flashy had a verrrry expensive two-seater sports car that I barely fit into, he drove too fast, and I practically needed a crane to lift myself out of it. I was bedazzled at first, because he took me to some incredible restaurants, and he even drove me to a Cleveland Orchestra concert. BUT much as he said he liked fat girls, he never could grasp that I couldn't walk as fast as him, I needed bigger seating, and it was increasingly annoying for me to haul myself into and out of his precious sports car. I soon realized Mr. Flashy was more in love with himself than with me, so it simply didn't work out. 

(It's a small small world. I was also reminded of this episode because my niece just finished her freshman year at Ohio State University, where she became very good friends with another girl, and now Art & I have become surprisingly good friends with her friend's parents. Yesterday my niece's friend's mother teased me that she & I had met long ago, and said she wondered if I'd ever realize it. Wha...? Finally she told me her maiden name, and ya coulda knocked me over with a feather! She's Mr. Flashy's younger sister! I hadn't recognized her because she was 12 when I briefly dated her older brother. :doh: When I told her this story she said that's her brother, all right.  )


----------



## blueeyedevie

> LOL! I loved reading your story Evie, and congrats to you and Harris on the new digs.



Thanks Lilly. We are still sporting a folding table for a (dinning table and desk) but it is beginning to look like a home. 




> (It's a small small world. I was also reminded of this episode because my niece just finished her freshman year at Ohio State University, where she became very good friends with another girl, and now Art & I have become surprisingly good friends with her friend's parents. Yesterday my niece's friend's mother teased me that she & I had met long ago, and said she wondered if I'd ever realize it. Wha...? Finally she told me her maiden name, and ya coulda knocked me over with a feather! She's Mr. Flashy's younger sister! I hadn't recognized her because she was 12 when I briefly dated her older brother. When I told her this story she said that's her brother, all right. )



This just goes to prove the world is really small. I love this story. I am always amazed at the people that say they like big girls but are totally not prepared to back it up. Question comes to mind "is the guy with a bigger lady now"? I think a good example of a good decision and a guy really thinking for his preference is Harris had the choice of a small cute sports car or the family mini van... Remember he was 18 when given this choice ( he is 20 now) and he chose the family van!


----------



## LillyBBBW

blueeyedevie said:


> Thanks Lilly. We are still sporting a folding table for a (dinning table and desk) but it is beginning to look like a home.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This just goes to prove the world is really small. I love this story. I am always amazed at the people that say they like big girls but are totally not prepared to back it up. Question comes to mind "is the guy with a bigger lady now"? I think a good example of a good decision and a guy really thinking for his preference is Harris had the choice of a small cute sports car or the family mini van... *Remember he was 18 when given this choice ( he is 20 now) and he chose the family van*!



Aaaauuwwww!! That is SO cute! :wubu::wubu:


----------



## g0dkar

I'm a little lucky about dating a fat girl because I'm fat myself. I know how is to be fat, and how frustrating is to not fit in a chair or to be squeezed in a car seat and all sorts of stuff. It's easy to guess what's good and what's not because her reality is mine too. As I always say to my friends you have no idea what is to be fat unless you are fat. It's really good and all but as everything too good, it has some drawbacks =P

Too bad she's not an FFA though ;P but we love each other :]

Our picture: http://g0dkar.deviantart.com/art/Love-89357894

This is a great thing to discuss because some people want to help, to promote acceptance or whatever but sort of have no idea what to do like some people said about how our homes need to have more room, armless chairs, bigger clothing (this is a major problem here at Brazil, haha), small cars, airplanes seats, walking long distances or stairs, and the list goes on.

And sorry for any english errors 'cuz as I said, I'm Brazilian =)

(btw, first post @ dimensionsforums)


----------



## AnnMarie

g0dkar said:


> I'm a little lucky about dating a fat girl because I'm fat myself. I know how is to be fat, and how frustrating is to not fit in a chair or to be squeezed in a car seat and all sorts of stuff. It's easy to guess what's good and what's not because her reality is mine too. As I always say to my friends you have no idea what is to be fat unless you are fat. It's really good and all but as everything too good, it has some drawbacks =P
> 
> Too bad she's not an FFA though ;P but we love each other :]
> 
> Our picture: http://g0dkar.deviantart.com/art/Love-89357894
> 
> This is a great thing to discuss because some people want to help, to promote acceptance or whatever but sort of have no idea what to do like some people said about how our homes need to have more room, armless chairs, bigger clothing (this is a major problem here at Brazil, haha), small cars, airplanes seats, walking long distances or stairs, and the list goes on.
> 
> And sorry for any english errors 'cuz as I said, I'm Brazilian =)
> 
> (btw, first post @ dimensionsforums)




You guys are cute! Thanks for posting and welcome to the forums.


----------



## Noir

I admit the first SSBBW I dated I did not think about it. I felt so bad because I kept walking in front of her by accident because I have a natural fast pace and I would forget at times. Lesson learned for sure though.


----------



## blueeyedevie

You know what is funny about walking , even though Harris and I are getting better at it, we still "bump" into each other a lot. He will always say, um baby your about to knock me over or something silly. We laugh and move father apart. I love holding hands but I love that arm around me feeling, But it takes work and skill I am guessing when walking with a SSBBW, Or heck it may just be me. I am a bit on the clumsy side.


----------



## Oldtimer76

Well, depends on how bottomheavy the lady is.
Holding hands would be much easier than the 'arm around waist' kinda walking...


----------



## nykspree8

blueeyedevie said:


> You know what is funny about walking , even though Harris and I are getting better at it, we still "bump" into each other a lot. He will always say, um baby your about to knock me over or something silly. We laugh and move father apart. I love holding hands but I love that arm around me feeling, But it takes work and skill I am guessing when walking with a SSBBW, Or heck it may just be me. I am a bit on the clumsy side.



Lol, my ex (who I'm dating again) and I are always bumping into each other ALL the time when we walk together, but I'm like a freaking magnet when I walk next to someone and always find myself bumping into them haha. It is def hard to keep my arm around her at ALL times tho when walking side by side since she is a ssbbw, so I just gotta change up and go to holding her hand, then go back to my arm around her, or just shift my arm down from her waist to her bum, ya know? I think it does def take some skill when walking with a ssbbw, especially if you've never dated one before


----------



## Mikey

blueeyedevie said:


> You know what is funny about walking , even though Harris and I are getting better at it, we still "bump" into each other a lot. He will always say, um baby your about to knock me over or something silly. We laugh and move father apart. I love holding hands but I love that arm around me feeling, But it takes work and skill I am guessing when walking with a SSBBW, Or heck it may just be me. I am a bit on the clumsy side.



I know what you mean! When my ex gf crested 600 we would constantly knock into each other when we walked arm in arm. However, I found it to be a turn on, and she knew it. I don't think its clumsy, I think its the reality of an incredible figure with phenomenal hips!! 
:smitten:


----------



## blueeyedevie

> but I'm like a freaking magnet when I walk next to someone and always find myself bumping into them haha



Maybe that is my problem " being a magnet".. I never thought of it that way before. Now that you mention it ...LOL



> However, I found it to be a turn on, and she knew it. I don't think its clumsy, I think its the reality of an incredible figure with phenomenal hips!!



Ah, Mikey what a lucky girl to have a guy with that attitude.


----------



## Oldtimer76

Oh Evie, If I ever got the chance to bump into your hips...:wubu:
:blush:


----------



## half_monkey

blueeyedevie said:


> You know what is funny about walking , even though Harris and I are getting better at it, we still "bump" into each other a lot. He will always say, um baby your about to knock me over or something silly. We laugh and move father apart. I love holding hands but I love that arm around me feeling, But it takes work and skill I am guessing when walking with a SSBBW, Or heck it may just be me. I am a bit on the clumsy side.



I once dated a girl who was fairly big (though not as big a you). She had a bum that kinda stuck out and made a shelf, which i could rest my hand on whilst walking side by side. It's not quite 'arm round waist' (i hope Harris has long arms! ), but i guess it's a slight upgrade from holding hands? Maybe that'd work for ya?


----------



## blueeyedevie

LOL... Well Thank you Oldtimer...

and Half_monkey
I sum what have that self ass myself so yes I do think that might work. Although Harris is a little conservative so I am not sure if he would actually walk around like that. Smiles...


----------



## Oldtimer76

blueeyedevie said:


> LOL... Well Thank you Oldtimer...
> 
> and Half_monkey
> I sum what have that self ass myself so yes I do think that might work. Although Harris is a little conservative so I am not sure if he would actually walk around like that. Smiles...



I said it before, but... Harris is one of the luckiest guys in this world:bow:


----------



## Squishy-Kit

My Boyfriend and i were having some trouble with that. I've gained nearly fifty pounds and things are a bit more difficult. Like going to a theme park...the walking is a bit hard and fitting in the rides is sometimes a problem. Luckily he is very understanding.


----------



## SocialbFly

half_monkey said:


> I once dated a girl who was fairly big (though not as big a you).



I dont know about other women, but personally, i find that comment not a big turn on..."i dated at woman and she was bigger/smaller/cuter/uglier than you" Just a note men, most women want to know you find THEM attractive, and comparing us to others only makes us more insecure when said like this...


comparison (In a way that i think makes it more understood) "i used to date a guy who had three inches on you...but i like you just fine" So, what are you thinking now?


----------



## KHayes666

SocialbFly said:


> I dont know about other women, but personally, i find that comment not a big turn on..."i dated at woman and she was bigger/smaller/cuter/uglier than you" Just a note men, most women want to know you find THEM attractive, and comparing us to others only makes us more insecure when said like this...
> 
> 
> comparison (In a way that i think makes it more understood) "i used to date a guy who had three inches on you...but i like you just fine" So, what are you thinking now?



first time posters, gotta love em


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

SocialbFly said:


> I dont know about other women, but personally, i find that comment not a big turn on..."i dated at woman and she was bigger/smaller/cuter/uglier than you" Just a note men, most women want to know you find THEM attractive, and comparing us to others only makes us more insecure when said like this...
> 
> 
> comparison (In a way that i think makes it more understood) "i used to date a guy who had three inches on you...but i like you just fine" So, what are you thinking now?



Dayum it Di....you just now made me wish I had told my wee ex-bf how much bigger my ex-hubbys cock is.....

Oh the missed golden opportunities......:doh:


----------



## tonynyc

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dayum it Di....you just now made me wish I had told my wee ex-bf how much bigger my ex-hubbys cock is.....
> 
> Oh the missed golden opportunities......:doh:



*BAD DI!!!! * *BAD GREENIE!!!!*  :happy:


----------



## SocialbFly

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dayum it Di....you just now made me wish I had told my wee ex-bf how much bigger my ex-hubbys cock is.....
> 
> Oh the missed golden opportunities......:doh:



um, maybe i was talking about height?


----------



## SocialbFly

KHayes666 said:


> first time posters, gotta love em



Let me tell you a story. One of my fellow ssbbws was at a dance in Philly, when a man came up to her (obviously not a native from here, he had a very thick german accent) and told her he wanted to dance with her, for she was obsiously the biggest woman at the dance. he meant it as a compliment and was surprised when she burst out crying....

Not many women want to be told they are the biggest except for a rare few. I concede some women do like it. 

Most of us, i can assure you....don't.


----------



## LillyBBBW

SocialbFly said:


> Let me tell you a story. One of my fellow ssbbws was at a dance in Philly, when a man came up to her (obviously not a native from here, he had a very thick german accent) and told her he wanted to dance with her, for she was obsiously the biggest woman at the dance. he meant it as a compliment and was surprised when she burst out crying....
> 
> Not many women want to be told they are the biggest except for a rare few. I concede some women do like it.
> 
> Most of us, i can assure you....don't.



Context is everything. I would seriously question a man's intelligence had he approached me and gleefully chimed, "You've got the biggest boobs here!" It's simply not attractive. I will say though that had I inquired about shopping for bras and a man replied with a caveat conncerning differences between me and his beloved from whom he's experienced it would seem to me to be relevant and informative - or at least an earnest attempt to be. In his defense I don't think the poster was trying to offend. It seems he was merely offering suggestions to Mishty according to his experiences while also trying to be clear on what those experiences are. 

Speaking of which, I'm just DYING for someone to start a thread on which non-latex condoms are best. Then we can get in to schlong.... schlong.... SCHLONG conversations about feel, fit and fashion. :kiss2:


----------



## SocialbFly

LillyBBBW said:


> Context is everything. In his defense I don't think the poster was trying to offend. It seems he was merely offering suggestions to Mishty according to his experiences while also trying to be clear on what those experiences are.



Lilly, i absolutely agree with you, that was why i dont think i jumped on him, just said, think about it this way...and i also said, i didnt like it...


non latex huh???

i always heard if you have a latex allergy, if your partner doesnt, he should wear a latex underneath (i like skinless skin by crown, thin, transmit heat..awesome) put some lube in between then put on a lambskin. That way nothing touches you that is latex and he still gets the protection, and i ave heard, yes, it decreases sensation, but no less than wearing one, as the extra lube adds to the stimulation of the two rubbing together....

 kisses


----------



## LillyBBBW

SocialbFly said:


> Lilly, i absolutely agree with you, that was why i dont think i jumped on him, just said, think about it this way...and i also said, i didnt like it...
> 
> 
> non latex huh???
> 
> i always heard if you have a latex allergy, if your partner doesnt, he should wear a latex underneath (i like skinless skin by crown, thin, transmit heat..awesome) put some lube in between then put on a lambskin. That way nothing touches you that is latex and he still gets the protection, and i ave heard, yes, it decreases sensation, but no less than wearing one, as the extra lube adds to the stimulation of the two rubbing together....
> 
> kisses



There are some newer condoms out now made from polyisoprene. So far I've been hearing good things about those. The problem with layering condoms is the cost and the maintenence of having to put on two all the time. I can't imagine it would be something a partner would take a shine to, at least I wouldn't be impressed if the roles were reversed.


----------



## Ernest Nagel

I'm impressed with how y'all stay on top of the latest condom developments! 

This is the last big news I was aware of. http://www.nowpublic.com/penetrating_the_thai_condom_market :bow:


----------



## SocialbFly

LillyBBBW said:


> There are some newer condoms out now made from polyisoprene. So far I've been hearing good things about those. The problem with layering condoms is the cost and the maintenence of having to put on two all the time. I can't imagine it would be something a partner would take a shine to, at least I wouldn't be impressed if the roles were reversed.



yeah, but actually the guy i talked to (he was allergic to latex) said it surprisingly was better than he thought...the layer of lube at the tip kept things stimulated and moving freely.......so to speak :bounce::bounce::bounce:


----------



## SocialbFly

Ernest Nagel said:


> I'm impressed with how y'all stay on top of the latest condom developments!
> 
> This is the last big news I was aware of. http://www.nowpublic.com/penetrating_the_thai_condom_market :bow:



Only you Ernest, could come up with something this um....well....you know. :bow::bow::bow::bow:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

SocialbFly said:


> um, maybe i was talking about height?



My ex-hubby was much taller, too


----------



## knottedsouls

[/QUOTE]

non latex huh???

i always heard if you have a latex allergy, if your partner doesnt, he should wear a latex underneath (i like skinless skin by crown, thin, transmit heat..awesome) put some lube in between then put on a lambskin. That way nothing touches you that is latex and he still gets the protection, and i ave heard, yes, it decreases sensation, but no less than wearing one, as the extra lube adds to the stimulation of the two rubbing together....

 kisses[/QUOTE]



I just wanted to chime in,as an HIV/AIDS prevention professional, it is my understanding that using two condoms either in an effort to 'double your protection" or to prevent exposure of latex to a latex intolerant partner is dangerous. The materials will actually work against each other and have a higher likelyhood of breakage.

If you are not in a long term mutually *monogomous mutually negative (for HIV/STD's etc) then you put both yourself and your partner(s) at risk for contracting a disease or pregnancy ( if applicable).

Lambskin condoms are only a good alternative to latex if you are only looking for pregnancy prevention method as they do not prevent the transmission of STD's. The lambSKIN is porus and altho the 'pores' are not large enough to let sperm through, they ARE large enough to let through virus.

There is a new latex alternative on the market that I just started handing out through work called SKYN from lifestyles that is made of a material called Polyisoprene that I have gotten good feedback about. There is also a non latex condom Avanti (Made from polyurethane) that seems to work well for most people. Both polyurethane and polyisoprene are thinner materials and conduct body heat better so they warm up much quicker then the traditional latex condoms. 

Neither material stretches as well as latex but there is still some give. There is also the female condom which is made out of polyurethane and so it can be used by people allergice to latex. The feedback on this comes back straight down the middle, people either love it or hate it. 


anyway, I wanted to chime in..sorry for blathering on..

*I use monogomous here but understand if there are more partners in an active relaitonship, they should all be tested and all only sleep with each other and not outside the 'group'.(hope that made sense)


----------



## LillyBBBW

knottedsouls said:


> I just wanted to chime in,as an HIV/AIDS prevention professional, it is my understanding that using two condoms either in an effort to 'double your protection" or to prevent exposure of latex to a latex intolerant partner is dangerous. The materials will actually work against each other and have a higher likelyhood of breakage.
> 
> If you are not in a long term mutually *monogomous mutually negative (for HIV/STD's etc) then you put both yourself and your partner(s) at risk for contracting a disease or pregnancy ( if applicable).
> 
> Lambskin condoms are only a good alternative to latex if you are only looking for pregnancy prevention method as they do not prevent the transmission of STD's. The lambSKIN is porus and altho the 'pores' are not large enough to let sperm through, they ARE large enough to let through virus.
> 
> There is a new latex alternative on the market that I just started handing out through work called SKYN from lifestyles that is made of a material called Polyisoprene that I have gotten good feedback about. There is also a non latex condom Avanti (Made from polyurethane) that seems to work well for most people. Both polyurethane and polyisoprene are thinner materials and conduct body heat better so they warm up much quicker then the traditional latex condoms.
> 
> Neither material stretches as well as latex but there is still some give. There is also the female condom which is made out of polyurethane and so it can be used by people allergice to latex. The feedback on this comes back straight down the middle, people either love it or hate it.
> 
> 
> anyway, I wanted to chime in..sorry for blathering on..
> 
> *I use monogomous here but understand if there are more partners in an active relaitonship, they should all be tested and all only sleep with each other and not outside the 'group'.(hope that made sense)



Thank you for this input knottedsouls.  I've not had sex a whole lot but of the times I have nobody seems to like the Avanti polyurethane condoms. To be honest I don't particularly care for them either. The two new polyisoprene brands on the market now, SKYN and BARE, I haven't tried yet but look promising. No opportunities on the horizon I'm afraid so I can add no more than that. Thanks again for speaking up, it's good to know!


----------



## SocialbFly

> I just wanted to chime in,as an HIV/AIDS prevention professional, it is my understanding that using two condoms either in an effort to 'double your protection" or to prevent exposure of latex to a latex intolerant partner is dangerous. The materials will actually work against each other and have a higher likelyhood of breakage.



Actually, that isnt true IF you put lube in between them, i got the info straight from a gay friend who teaches aids prevention...yes, you are right IF you dont apply lube inbetween them, but with lube, it isnt an issue....thanks for the other info though


----------



## knottedsouls

SocialbFly said:


> Actually, that isnt true IF you put lube in between them, i got the info straight from a gay friend who teaches aids prevention...yes, you are right IF you dont apply lube inbetween them, but with lube, it isnt an issue....thanks for the other info though



I have to say I dont agree with you or your friend. We shall just have to agree to disagree at this point. Nothing I have ever been taught or researched personally supports this, but I could be wrong and I will look for more info on it.

What I do know about this method is that while it may increase the "slide", some of the feedback I've gotten from people that have tried the method you describe is that sometimes too much lube is used and the top condom slips off regardless, on top of the issue of 'double bagging it' causes severe lack of sensation and discomfort. 

This is cool, Ill share any info I find ( and make sure to inlude it in this years training manual- I train a new crop of youth HIV prevention educators in just over a month!)


----------



## SocialbFly

knottedsouls said:


> I have to say I dont agree with you or your friend. We shall just have to agree to disagree at this point. Nothing I have ever been taught or researched personally supports this, but I could be wrong and I will look for more info on it.
> 
> What I do know about this method is that while it may increase the "slide", some of the feedback I've gotten from people that have tried the method you describe is that sometimes too much lube is used and the top condom slips off regardless, on top of the issue of 'double bagging it' causes severe lack of sensation and discomfort.
> 
> This is cool, Ill share any info I find ( and make sure to inlude it in this years training manual- I train a new crop of youth HIV prevention educators in just over a month!)



thats great...as a nurse who works in pediatric intensive care, i have access to a lot of different people, i only pass along what i have been told...havent tried it, so yeah, i dont know, i have the luckiness of not being allergic to latex...regardless thank you for your info.


----------



## nykspree8

SocialbFly said:


> comparison (In a way that i think makes it more understood) "i used to date a guy who had three inches on you...but i like you just fine" So, what are you thinking now?



"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BED", that's what I'd be thinking, and saying LOL


----------



## Kitzy

I think that the most useful things I have learned from reading every last post, and boy that took some time! Is that one, walking out of pace is a big pet peeve, two women are mouthy, three, there are wonderful ways to make sure your partner is comfortable. But my favorite, is that "our" relationships, although maybe a bit more necessary of specific considerations, are just like everyone elses. We simply need communication and respect. (and chairs with no arms)


----------



## KHayes666

Kitzy said:


> I think that the most useful things I have learned from reading every last post, and boy that took some time! Is that one, walking out of pace is a big pet peeve, two women are mouthy, three, there are wonderful ways to make sure your partner is comfortable. But my favorite, is that "our" relationships, although maybe a bit more necessary of specific considerations, are just like everyone elses. We simply need communication and respect. (and chairs with no arms)



How sad is it that when I moved I had to toss the largest chair with no arms I had? :doh:


----------



## SocialbFly

KHayes666 said:


> How sad is it that when I moved I had to toss the largest chair with no arms I had? :doh:



I hope you tossed it to a fat girl or a fellow FA


----------



## Corwynis

SocialbFly said:


> i dont think that, i think you you took a more arguementative stance for the sake of having a discussion, which i dont happen to find such a bad thing...
> 
> i know regular sized people who break furniture too...but i have to add, i was at a bed and breakfast with Stacy and my best friend Barb and her husband..somehow i got stuck with the fricking sofa bed....well, it was old and rickety at best...but i had my weight spread out pretty equally and it wasnt groaning *too much* until Stacy decided she needed to sit on it too...my weight i prolly could have squeeked by with...add another 150 lbs to it, and suddenly, what did i hear but crack and my fat ass is sitting on a bent sofa bed then squeek, yeah, right to the floor....i made them leave so i could hoist my ass up (who wants to do the splits and heaves in front of friends who are NOT fat initiated??) and then i bent the sofa bed back (yeah, strong like bull, what can i say?) then, i slept on the closed small sofa bed til stacy took pity on me and gave me the bed around the corner from me...
> 
> it sucked, did my friend need to do some better checking yeah...but like i said, she is not initiated (although now a lot more) but forwarned is forarmed and should make your life a little easier....and i know this can be a pricey thing to do, but when my fat family comes to visit, i know the 4 of us would fit into a large car ok, or my suv...but go to add anyone else...well, they better bring vaseline, that is all i have to say....so...solution, car rental even for a short time, i rented a mini van, and all was good (even though they gave me a 7 passenger Dorango...still better than my rodeo).



lol I've done the "normal person furniture break" trick. I came in off guard one morning and put my knee down on my bed (and I'm 5'9", 215 lbs) and the frame broke.


----------



## mrskeet

I have never dated a ssbbw before I can't find one that is single nowdays! But I wish I could.


----------



## SocialbFly

mrskeet said:


> I have never dated a ssbbw before I can't find one that is single nowdays! But I wish I could.



there are many many many of us in the LA area, i am certain you can find them...if you want them....


----------



## mrskeet

SocialbFly said:


> there are many many many of us in the LA area, i am certain you can find them...if you want them....


I never see themand I live In L.A. I seen like maybe one and I tried to get at her and she told me she had a man.


----------



## SocialbFly

mrskeet said:


> I never see themand I live In L.A. I seen like maybe one and I tried to get at her and she told me she had a man.



well, since i live in LA, i can promise you, there is at least one single ssbbw here....


sigh.


----------



## BeaBea

mrskeet said:


> I never see themand I live In L.A. I seen like maybe one and I tried to get at her and she told me she had a man.



Just a tiny comment - but referring to SSBBWs as 'them' bothers me slightly. Then when you go on to say you found someone and you 'tried to get at her' it makes me wonder if maybe the ladies are all hiding for good reason...

Tracey


----------



## JohnWylde

and at least one lovely one too!!

lil john




SocialbFly said:


> well, since i live in LA, i can promise you, there is at least one single ssbbw here....
> 
> 
> sigh.


----------



## Famouslastwords

When I was dating all the guys wanted was ssbbw sex. That's not all what dating is all about people! I'm glad I turned in the single hat, I'd rather be a hermit than dating in today's young and single market.


----------



## half_monkey

SocialbFly said:


> I dont know about other women, but personally, i find that comment not a big turn on..."i dated at woman and she was bigger/smaller/cuter/uglier than you" Just a note men, most women want to know you find THEM attractive, and comparing us to others only makes us more insecure when said like this...
> 
> 
> comparison (In a way that i think makes it more understood) "i used to date a guy who had three inches on you...but i like you just fine" So, what are you thinking now?



I wasn't intending to objectify women, i was just trying to describe something that worked for me and an ex of mine in the hope that it might be of use to blueeyedevie and her bf. I'm sorry if it came across that way. The size comparison was mainly intended as a 'it worked at the size my ex was at, but i don't know if it will work for you' caveat.


----------



## half_monkey

SocialbFly said:


> I dont know about other women, but personally, i find that comment not a big turn on..."i dated at woman and she was bigger/smaller/cuter/uglier than you" Just a note men, most women want to know you find THEM attractive, and comparing us to others only makes us more insecure when said like this...
> 
> 
> comparison (In a way that i think makes it more understood) "i used to date a guy who had three inches on you...but i like you just fine" So, what are you thinking now?



When i made that post i was not intending to objectify women in any way, i was merely trying to describe something that had worked for me and an ex in the hope that it might be useful for blueeyedevie. The size comparison was intended only as an 'it worked at the size my ex was at, but i don't know if it will work at yours' caveat.

Sorry for any offence caused, and i shall try and avoid posting anything that can be misconstrued in any way in future.


----------



## half_monkey

Apologies for the double post there too - internet issues.


----------



## jenboo

BeaBea said:


> Just a tiny comment - but referring to SSBBWs as 'them' bothers me slightly. Then when you go on to say you found someone and you 'tried to get at her' it makes me wonder if maybe the ladies are all hiding for good reason...
> 
> Tracey



I agree with that


----------



## jenboo

So I am ready for a bf. I am thinking I will be finding someone in the next few months and as a ssbbw woman I will have a couple of extra expectations for my new guy....I call this my boyfriend list of things he can do that I have trouble with. I live on my own and there are some things that are being neglected until I find my honey

Get under the bathroom sink and replace the bar thingy that keeps the drain closed

Change the light bulbs in the light fixtures that are too high for me to reach

Put my bike in the storage locker

Move my shelves, book cases and desk around that will make much more sense. they are still in the exact same place that they were in when the movers left them.

I think that is it for now. Any lovely fa's interested in helping me out:wubu:


----------



## jenboo

oh ya, i need to get him to put up my curtains


----------



## KHayes666

jenboo said:


> So I am ready for a bf. I am thinking I will be finding someone in the next few months and as a ssbbw woman I will have a couple of extra expectations for my new guy....I call this my boyfriend list of things he can do that I have trouble with. I live on my own and there are some things that are being neglected until I find my honey
> 
> Get under the bathroom sink and replace the bar thingy that keeps the drain closed
> 
> Change the light bulbs in the light fixtures that are too high for me to reach
> 
> Put my bike in the storage locker
> 
> Move my shelves, book cases and desk around that will make much more sense. they are still in the exact same place that they were in when the movers left them.
> 
> I think that is it for now. Any lovely fa's interested in helping me out:wubu:



As long as you're willing to show your guy lots of love for doing all that stuff, that shouldn't be a problem at all. Good luck finding your man


----------



## fasub

I'm with UncannyBruceman on this. I totally get off on the pampering, the catering too, waiting on and the general seeing-to-it-that-SSBBW's-get-away-with-murder thing like nothing else.

...and, I love a woman that wants to be treated like an absolute Queen.

Think Caddy's not Lexus'


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

fasub said:


> I'm with UncannyBruceman on this. I totally get off on the pampering, the catering too, waiting on and the general seeing-to-it-that-SSBBW's-get-away-with-murder thing like nothing else.
> 
> ...and, I love a woman that wants to be treated like an absolute Queen.
> 
> Think Caddy's not Lexus'



I tried getting away with murder but I couldn't outrun the police!


----------



## jenboo

KHayes666 said:


> As long as you're willing to show your guy lots of love for doing all that stuff, that shouldn't be a problem at all. Good luck finding your man



Well I am full of affection so I think it will work out well for both of us:blush:


----------



## jewels_mystery

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I tried getting away with murder but I couldn't outrun the police!



I can not stop laughing after reading this. I could not have said it better myself.


----------



## np2223

I've a little mercedes


----------



## jenboo

np2223 said:


> I've a little mercedes



Eh? I have not heard that one before.....


----------



## KHayes666

jenboo said:


> Eh? I have not heard that one before.....



yeah I too have no idea what that means....


----------



## Victim

If you lift up the hood, you see small... pistons...

*quits channeling GEF*


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

jenboo said:


> Eh? I have not heard that one before.....





KHayes666 said:


> yeah I too have no idea what that means....



I took it to mean he was telling everyone what kind of car he has since riding in cars has been mentioned several times in this thread. 
I mean shit......if I had a Mercedes, I'd have to mention it myself  



Victim said:


> If you lift up the hood, you see small... pistons...
> 
> *quits channeling GEF*



But then again....this answer is much better  :bow: :wubu: 


I so have to remember to come back and rep you


----------



## Ssbbwaffectionado

Yes those things are issues. I tried to anticpate some of these things before I dated the first ssbbw I knew. I got better at it. The benefits far outweigh the limitations. One thing I did not know how to handle at first was getting seat belt extensions for my car.

Ssbbwaffectionado


----------



## balooningboy

all i have to say isn't all this common knowledge? idk maybe it is for me since my mom is an ssbbw.


----------



## supersizebbw

the other day i had a day out (not a date) with my new housemate, i needed to get out of the house and he said he was going to the mall so i decided to tag along. he walks really really fast and i had to almost do a little run at times to keep up! and i won't even go into how quickly he climbs stairs which was absolute torture for me. maybe it was my fault for not requesting if he could walk slower but surely he must have seen how uncomfortable it was for me? i don't know anymore, it makes me wonder what i'd have done if it was an actual date


----------



## mszwebs

balooningboy said:


> all i have to say isn't all this common knowledge? idk maybe it is for me since my mom is an ssbbw.



haha Clearly not, since we had to have a thread about it. 

But thumbs up to the fact that it all sounds logical and rather...Duh lol. That means A) we're not making this shit up and B) that some people have enough common sense to realize that being an/being with an SSBBW isn't the cakewalk that the fantasy world might portray.

Rep for you, Balooningboy.


----------



## Rowan

jenboo said:


> So I am ready for a bf. *I am thinking I will be finding someone in the next few months *and as a ssbbw woman I will have a couple of extra expectations for my new guy....I call this my boyfriend list of things he can do that I have trouble with. I live on my own and there are some things that are being neglected until I find my honey
> 
> Get under the bathroom sink and replace the bar thingy that keeps the drain closed
> 
> Change the light bulbs in the light fixtures that are too high for me to reach
> 
> Put my bike in the storage locker
> 
> Move my shelves, book cases and desk around that will make much more sense. they are still in the exact same place that they were in when the movers left them.
> 
> I think that is it for now. Any lovely fa's interested in helping me out:wubu:



Dang...wish it were that easy and convenient for me lol


----------



## Carrie

mszwebs said:


> B) that some people have enough common sense to realize that being an/being with an SSBBW isn't the cakewalk that the fantasy world might portray.


Sometimes there _is_ cake involved, tho.


----------



## mszwebs

Carrie said:


> Sometimes there _is_ cake involved, tho.



Not if I can help it. I prefer brownies, and fudge like ones at that


----------



## LillyBBBW

supersizebbw said:


> the other day i had a day out (not a date) with my new housemate, i needed to get out of the house and he said he was going to the mall so i decided to tag along. he walks really really fast and i had to almost do a little run at times to keep up! and i won't even go into how quickly he climbs stairs which was absolute torture for me. maybe it was my fault for not requesting if he could walk slower but surely he must have seen how uncomfortable it was for me? i don't know anymore, it makes me wonder what i'd have done if it was an actual date



Is this the same charmer who was all chummy chummy with you at home but then wouldn't utter two words to you when you were among friends and out in public? Sorry to bring that up on you girlie but it sticks out in my mind. I remember when I read that my face went . I'm thinking this guy is scumming you and is in desperate need of a beating. Catch him off guard and tell him straight out that you don't need him making you feel like a piece of shit and to not think for a minute that he's so slick that you can't see exactly what's going on. I can see it from here.  Girl, I'm ready to come over there.


----------



## Jes

supersizebbw said:


> the other day i had a day out (not a date) with my new housemate, i needed to get out of the house and he said he was going to the mall so i decided to tag along. he walks really really fast and i had to almost do a little run at times to keep up! and i won't even go into how quickly he climbs stairs which was absolute torture for me. maybe it was my fault for not requesting if he could walk slower but surely he must have seen how uncomfortable it was for me? i don't know anymore, it makes me wonder what i'd have done if it was an actual date



i walk pretty quickly, but i'm not always a fan of stairs. i have almost (almost!) no shame in saying to someone: I'll meet you up there! and then finding an elevator. Feeling we have to do something to keep someone else happy, or whatever the motivation is, isn't necessary much of the time.


----------



## KHayes666

supersizebbw said:


> the other day i had a day out (not a date) with my new housemate, i needed to get out of the house and he said he was going to the mall so i decided to tag along. he walks really really fast and i had to almost do a little run at times to keep up! and i won't even go into how quickly he climbs stairs which was absolute torture for me. maybe it was my fault for not requesting if he could walk slower but surely he must have seen how uncomfortable it was for me? i don't know anymore, it makes me wonder what i'd have done if it was an actual date



My suggestion is to politely ask him to slow down the next time you're out in public and explain why. If he says "Oh I'm sorry" and starts walking slower, then he's listened. However if he just looks at you funny and continues running up the stairs.....I think you know what to do with him.

When I'm by myself or with my friends, I shoot up and down stairs faster than anyone and pretty much power walk where I'm going. However when I'm with ssbbw friends I slow down considerably and do what I can to accomidate. I have some trouble sometimes slowing down because of my ADD and its nothing personal to who I'm with.

Like I said, take the guy aside and tell him why he should slow down...at least you'll find out if he's listening to your or not.


----------



## mergirl

supersizebbw said:


> the other day i had a day out (not a date) with my new housemate, i needed to get out of the house and he said he was going to the mall so i decided to tag along. he walks really really fast and i had to almost do a little run at times to keep up! and i won't even go into how quickly he climbs stairs which was absolute torture for me. maybe it was my fault for not requesting if he could walk slower but surely he must have seen how uncomfortable it was for me? i don't know anymore, it makes me wonder what i'd have done if it was an actual date





LillyBBBW said:


> Is this the same charmer who was all chummy chummy with you at home but then wouldn't utter two words to you when you were among friends and out in public? Sorry to bring that up on you girlie but it sticks out in my mind. I remember when I read that my face went . I'm thinking this guy is scumming you and is in desperate need of a beating. Catch him off guard and tell him straight out that you don't need him making you feel like a piece of shit and to not think for a minute that he's so slick that you can't see exactly what's going on. I can see it from here.  Girl, I'm ready to come over there.




I'm totally with Lilly on this one!! The guy sounds like such a dick! Btw, its 5 hours by train to London from here.. I hear people need to walk slower when they have broken legs!! muwhahaha!. Hmm.. i'm not really in the scottish mafia.. though if he is the same guy who is treating you like shit in other areas of your life.. i wish i was! I would get that guy to fuck. You really don't need him. Actually, it sounds like he is making you feel shit.


----------



## [email protected]

First off, your husband is a Mensch and has your Comfort in mind ... yes an SSBBW has special needs and unfortunately there are several industries that make things without consideration of the SSBBW or SSBHM. Those issues were addressed at almost all NAAFA and ISAA meetings ... and it is 40 years ago that NAAFA was formed ... as well as Dimensions magazine. And one more thing with regards to handling the sales reps ... i would have walked away and called the manufacturer and registered a complaint with NAAFA that Ford is not making enough cars with large people in mind.

Ladies and gentlemen, we've come a long way from the days this movement has been in place... but as all of us know we need to put pressure on the Travel industry, the auto industry, the Clothing industry, the Movie theaters, the public school system, and dozens of other areas that need to be addressed. 

You are going to hear more of the approach to end fat discrimination but more work has to get done.

One way I use with the men is this. Take a thin typical teenage gal in your arms and hug her... then do the same with a large lady and do the same ... tell me in all honesty which do you like .... all other factors being equal ...




D_A_Bunny said:


> You are so right about the car. My husband owned a Camaro when we first met, his dream car. I was not SS at the time, but still very large. He immediately made plans for a larger car. Every car we have had or even considered since then, is with my size and accessbility in mind.
> Even with our second car, the one he drives to work, has to fit me. And he has a long commute so we are very concerned with gas mileage, but he makes sure I can fit. * He even took the old seats out of his old S-10 Blazer to put in a bench seat so that I could fit in it*.
> Our main car is a Chevy Caprice that is large and roomy. Still, he keeps talking about a Caprice wagon that he keeps seeing for sale. Like, hey babe, just think how roomy that would be.
> And none of our cars are new. We can only afford used, but we get what we can.
> The one car we did buy new in 1993 was a Ford Taurus that I really wanted. We told the sales guy we wanted to only look at ones that had a bench seat. *Well, most didn't, and he kept showing them to us.* Hubby is like, I SAID I want a bench seat. The guy is like, but why? and hubby turns and points to me and says, its for her, that's why. *And the guy finally showed us the only one they had on the lot. * We ended up buying it and I loved her for a long time. Eventually I did outgrow the car, but I LOVE my 1995 Caprice.


----------



## maureenc

wow, I love reading this thread...it's awesome! I haven't had good experiences, but my ex always kind of told me that my size was my own problem...

I was married for 5 years to someone who was not an FA (or at least he says he isn't one)...he was 6'4 and 170 lbs.

He wouldn't slow down to walk with me and often told me to hurry up.

He got upset when I took longer at the airport (taking off your shoes to go through security and then putting them back on can be a HUGE chore for an SSBBW)...he had anxiety too which didn't help, but I remember one time at the airport he was chosen for a random screening and blamed me because I was too slow and so we "looked suspicious" :doh: Here I was, standing there as this big sweaty mess, already nervous about trying to cram myself down aisles of people and squeeze into a seat as it was, and he was yelling at me in an airport...

Then there was the time I TOLD him I would slip if I went through the mud to get to our apartment, and he insisted I do it anyway...and sure enough I slipped...and a back fracture and 6 months on medical leave from work later, he realised it might have been a bad idea to have me go that way...

man do I have some stories...so to all the FA's out there who are reading this thread and taking notes, or who are already doing these things, kudos! this is a very valuable thread!


----------



## bigjayne66

Any FA taking me on would need a lot of patience with me,a great deal of understanding,and a very slow walk,with the exercise I have been doing I can stand for 20 minutes now,double that of 3 months ago..I need help putting shoes on too...


----------



## Paul

maureenc said:


> wow, I love reading this thread...it's awesome! I haven't had good experiences, but my ex always kind of told me that my size was my own problem...
> 
> I was married for 5 years to someone who was not an FA (or at least he says he isn't one)...he was 6'4 and 170 lbs.
> 
> He wouldn't slow down to walk with me and often told me to hurry up.
> 
> He got upset when I took longer at the airport (taking off your shoes to go through security and then putting them back on can be a HUGE chore for an SSBBW)...he had anxiety too which didn't help, but I remember one time at the airport he was chosen for a random screening and blamed me because I was too slow and so we "looked suspicious" :doh: Here I was, standing there as this big sweaty mess, already nervous about trying to cram myself down aisles of people and squeeze into a seat as it was, and he was yelling at me in an airport...
> 
> Then there was the time I TOLD him I would slip if I went through the mud to get to our apartment, and he insisted I do it anyway...and sure enough I slipped...and a back fracture and 6 months on medical leave from work later, he realised it might have been a bad idea to have me go that way...
> 
> man do I have some stories...so to all the FA's out there who are reading this thread and taking notes, or who are already doing these things, kudos! this is a very valuable thread!




It is easy to understand why he is no longer married to such a wonderful, beautiful woman. How could anyone treat another person so badly.
Yes this thread is important, though I suspect that much what those who are not supersized need to do when out with a supersized person involves common sense, kindness, and simply asking the supersized person a few questions (i.e. where would you like to sit in the restaurant, May I assist you, or let's sit here for a while.)


----------



## maureenc

Paul said:


> It is easy to understand why he is no longer married to such a wonderful, beautiful woman. How could anyone treat another person so badly.
> Yes this thread is important, though I suspect that much what those who are not supersized need to do when out with a supersized person involves common sense, kindness, and simply asking the supersized person a few questions (i.e. where would you like to sit in the restaurant, May I assist you, or let's sit here for a while.)




Aww thanks, I don't know if he was just a jerk, or if he just didn't realise...part of it was my own fault for trying so hard to be normal that I don't think he realised that I needed extra help, but there are times when I just wanted to smack some sense into him...

I think it really does just require common sense, but I guess for some people it doesn't come naturally at all!


----------



## jewels_mystery

maureenc said:


> Aww thanks, I don't know if he was just a jerk, or if he just didn't realise...part of it was my own fault for trying so hard to be normal that I don't think he realised that I needed extra help, but there are times when I just wanted to smack some sense into him...
> 
> I think it really does just require common sense, but I guess for some people it doesn't come naturally at all!



I am glad you moved up and got rid of him. He was a jerk, no doubt about it.


----------



## [email protected]

My comments are inside Maureen's remarks. A BBW is first and foremost a lady and deserves to be treated the way you want to be treated by your partner or for that matter any caring person ...



maureenc said:


> wow, I love reading this thread...it's awesome! I haven't had good experiences, but my ex always kind of told me that my size was my own problem...
> 
> I was married for 5 years to someone who was not an FA (or at least he says he isn't one)...he was 6'4 and 170 lbs.
> 
> He wouldn't slow down to walk with me and often told me to hurry up.
> 
> _David - Again You ex had no sense of your needs ... me - I'm very considerate ... even if it puts me out 10 minutes to get to our destination having you besides is enough of a reason._
> 
> He got upset when I took longer at the airport (taking off your shoes to go through security and then putting them back on can be a HUGE chore for an SSBBW)...he had anxiety too which didn't help, but I remember one time at the airport he was chosen for a random screening and blamed me because I was too slow and so we "looked suspicious" :doh: Here I was, standing there as this big sweaty mess, already nervous about trying to cram myself down aisles of people and squeeze into a seat as it was, and he was yelling at me in an airport...
> 
> David - What kind of empty headed boor is he - yelling at his wife for being slow in an airport ... *and why didn't he get a long shoehorn to help you get your shoes on?*
> 
> Then there was the time I TOLD him I would slip if I went through the mud to get to our apartment, and he insisted I do it anyway...and sure enough I slipped...and a back fracture and 6 months on medical leave from work later, he realised it might have been a bad idea to have me go that way...
> 
> David - Suffice you got rid of that empty headed boor who *** would not help a disabled elderly person *** either I'll bet!
> 
> man do I have some stories...so to all the FA's out there who are reading this thread and taking notes, or who are already doing these things, kudos! this is a very valuable thread!


----------



## TallFatSue

Paul said:


> Yes this thread is important, though I suspect that much what those who are not supersized need to do when out with a supersized person involves common sense, kindness, and simply asking the supersized person a few questions (i.e. where would you like to sit in the restaurant, May I assist you, or let's sit here for a while.)


My experience is that most people view the world from their own perspectives and have a hard time walking in someone else's shoes, and grasping others' strengths and limitations, even when it's obvious. I fall into that pitfall too sometimes. My husband says he's not an FA per se, but he's been keen to learn. I knew he was a keeper when he began to ask about my needs. Wellll, after I knocked him over the head a few times to make him understand. 

One turning point was an early date when he took me to a nice restaurant but clearly had no idea I couldn't fit in the booth. "Okay Mr. Engineer, take one look at that booth and guesstimate whether my big fat ass (which you have been squeezing) and big fat rest of me will fit. Extra credit if you find a table that will fit me. Now!" The transition of his face from Blank Stare to Dawning Understanding showed me that the guy had potential. :smitten: From then on, he made sure to ask about my needs. Sometimes he asked wayyyy too many questions, but better too many than not enough.


----------



## maureenc

TallFatSue said:


> My experience is that most people view the world from their own perspectives and have a hard time walking in someone else's shoes, and grasping others' strengths and limitations, even when it's obvious. I fall into that pitfall too sometimes. My husband says he's not an FA per se, but he's been keen to learn. I knew he was a keeper when he began to ask about my needs. Wellll, after I knocked him over the head a few times to make him understand.
> 
> One turning point was an early date when he took me to a nice restaurant but clearly had no idea I couldn't fit in the booth. "Okay Mr. Engineer, take one look at that booth and guesstimate whether my big fat ass (which you have been squeezing) and big fat rest of me will fit. Extra credit if you find a table that will fit me. Now!" The transition of his face from Blank Stare to Dawning Understanding showed me that the guy had potential. :smitten: From then on, he made sure to ask about my needs. Sometimes he asked wayyyy too many questions, but better too many than not enough.



Too many questions are much better then no questions at all!


----------



## bigjayne66

maureenc said:


> Too many questions are much better then no questions at all!



questions need to be asked beforehand,to avoid embarrassment I think,my ex liked my size but couldn't handle me in public.


----------



## KHayes666

bigjayne66 said:


> questions need to be asked beforehand,to avoid embarrassment I think,my ex liked my size but couldn't handle me in public.



Sorry if this appears to be an intrusive question, but did your ex have experience with ssbbw's before dating you?

I once went out with a ssbbw when I was only 18 and had none, zero, nada experience and I looked like a total fool.

Maybe he was just inexperienced, I could be wrong though.


----------



## Mikey

maureenc said:


> Aww thanks, I don't know if he was just a jerk, or if he just didn't realise...part of it was my own fault for trying so hard to be normal that I don't think he realised that I needed extra help, but there are times when I just wanted to smack some sense into him...
> 
> I think it really does just require common sense, but I guess for some people it doesn't come naturally at all!



He was a major jerk if he didn't notice or care about what you were going through or your basic needs, like walking slowly etc.. That goes for anyone whether they are fat or slim or married to someone who is fat or thin. I find marriage is all about being attuned to my partner. 
You certainly deserve better and I am sure you will find it!

Lots of luck to you!


----------



## [email protected]

Right on Mikey 

As for marriage, it is 2-way street with each party seeing what can be done for yoor partner ...


----------



## maureenc

Mikey said:


> He was a major jerk if he didn't notice or care about what you were going through or your basic needs, like walking slowly etc.. That goes for anyone whether they are fat or slim or married to someone who is fat or thin. I find marriage is all about being attuned to my partner.
> You certainly deserve better and I am sure you will find it!
> 
> Lots of luck to you!



Thank you  I'm not even really looking anymore, as I'm not sure very many people could meet the new standards I've set  Everything my ex didn't do, a future partner had better do  I'm not high maintenence, but I'll never marry someone again who has no understanding of my needs at all, if he asks that's great, and if he's open to listening, that's great too, but I'm definately not going to go through THAT again


----------



## maureenc

[email protected] said:


> Right on Mikey
> 
> As for marriage, it is 2-way street with each party seeing what can be done for yoor partner ...



I totally agree


----------



## maureenc

[email protected] said:


> Right on Mikey
> 
> As for marriage, it is 2-way street with each party seeing what can be done for yoor partner ...



also, thank you for your comments on my post


----------



## jenboo

maureenc said:


> Thank you  I'm not even really looking anymore, as I'm not sure very many people could meet the new standards I've set  Everything my ex didn't do, a future partner had better do  I'm not high maintenence, but I'll never marry someone again who has no understanding of my needs at all, if he asks that's great, and if he's open to listening, that's great too, but I'm definately not going to go through THAT again



what about your new wife?


----------



## [email protected]

jenboo said:


> what about your new wife?



Did you mean your Husband ?


----------



## maureenc

lol! Jenboo and I are "facebook married"


----------



## Mikey

This also applies for the winter of 2010 and is a reminder, although this year it extends to the South:

At the risk of getting flamed I am going to post this with the best of intentions. Having had a very rough winter in the Midwest and Northeast, I want to suggest that anyone who has supersized friends offer to help them with their snow removal. I know many of our supersized friends are more then capable of shoveling snow and hauling around bags of salt and ice melt. However, a fair number are not. In addition, while walking is treacherous for everyone, for some of our friends getting off of the ground after a fall on their own steam is very tough. So helping with snow removal or errands on particularly foul days would be helpful to many I am sure. Again, as in earlier posts, I am speaking from MY experiences.


----------



## Laura2008

Mikey said:


> This also applies for the winter of 2010 and is a reminder, although this year it extends to the South:
> 
> At the risk of getting flamed I am going to post this with the best of intentions. Having had a very rough winter in the Midwest and Northeast, I want to suggest that anyone who has supersized friends offer to help them with their snow removal. I know many of our supersized friends are more then capable of shoveling snow and hauling around bags of salt and ice melt. However, a fair number are not. In addition, while walking is treacherous for everyone, for some of our friends getting off of the ground after a fall on their own steam is very tough. So helping with snow removal or errands on particularly foul days would be helpful to many I am sure. Again, as in earlier posts, I am speaking from MY experiences.



Excellent post, you are a doll! 

About 3 years ago, I was walking up the ramp to the front door of my condo. We have a main door and inside is set up apartment style with the doors to our own units. Anyways, I slipped and fell on the ice. My neighbor (who hates fat people...you know the ones who won't say hello or look you in the eye) saw me fall and didn't come out to help me. My purse went flying and landed in the snow. When I tried to get up I fell down again and hit my knees really hard. With tears in my eyes I rolled my way to the snow pile and slowly got myself up. That's when I saw my neighbor looking at me through his window with disgust on his face. It's nice to know there are still good people left in the world who would help someone if they fell down or carry their stuff in for them.:bow:


----------



## BeautifulPoeticDisaster

Laura2008 said:


> Excellent post, you are a doll!
> 
> About 3 years ago, I was walking up the ramp to the front door of my condo. We have a main door and inside is set up apartment style with the doors to our own units. Anyways, I slipped and fell on the ice. My neighbor (who hates fat people...you know the ones who won't say hello or look you in the eye) saw me fall and didn't come out to help me. My purse went flying and landed in the snow. When I tried to get up I fell down again and hit my knees really hard. With tears in my eyes I rolled my way to the snow pile and slowly got myself up. That's when I saw my neighbor looking at me through his window with disgust on his face. It's nice to know there are still good people left in the world who would help someone if they fell down or carry their stuff in for them.:bow:



Are you serious??!?!?! OMG. I woulda been shouting my ass off to that neighbour. WTF you looking at your ignorant POS! Oh man, I have a temper when it comes to that kinda stuff. So sorry you had to go through that...man, what an ass hole.

Also, this is why I hate snow. When it snows I don't even dare step outside. No way Jose. I have slipped and fell way too many times and now that I am bigger than ever I could seriously hurt myself and not be able to get back up.


----------



## Laura2008

BeautifulPoeticDisaster said:


> Are you serious??!?!?! OMG. I woulda been shouting my ass off to that neighbour. WTF you looking at your ignorant POS! Oh man, I have a temper when it comes to that kinda stuff. So sorry you had to go through that...man, what an ass hole.
> 
> Also, this is why I hate snow. When it snows I don't even dare step outside. No way Jose. I have slipped and fell way too many times and now that I am bigger than ever I could seriously hurt myself and not be able to get back up.



Yeah he's a real douchebag. I refused to hold the door open for him the other day when he was carrying in a big chair. The look on his face was priceless when he realized I wasn't going to help him. 

I hear ya on the snow. I'm scared to death of ice and snow. I make my friends hold onto me when we're walking in and out of a restaurant or store.


----------



## ChubbyBubbles

Laura2008 said:


> About 3 years ago, I was walking up the ramp to the front door of my condo. We have a main door and inside is set up apartment style with the doors to our own units. Anyways, I slipped and fell on the ice. My neighbor (who hates fat people...you know the ones who won't say hello or look you in the eye) saw me fall and didn't come out to help me. My purse went flying and landed in the snow. When I tried to get up I fell down again and hit my knees really hard. With tears in my eyes I rolled my way to the snow pile and slowly got myself up. That's when I saw my neighbor looking at me through his window with disgust on his face.



That happened to me about 5 years ago while I was working at a place that helps people with disabilities. It was a terribly snowy day and I had to park on the hill. As I was getting out of my car, I slipped on a piece of ice and everything I was holding went flying, including a glass jar. There was a group of people from my floor outside smoking who saw me fall but continued to smoke as I struggled to get up...my knee swelling and bits of glass all over.
I later found out that no one wanted to help me because I was too fat and they might hurt their backs.


----------



## tonynyc

ChubbyBubbles said:


> That happened to me about 5 years ago while I was working at a place that helps people with disabilities. It was a terribly snowy day and I had to park on the hill. As I was getting out of my car, I slipped on a piece of ice and everything I was holding went flying, including a glass jar. There was a group of people from my floor outside smoking who saw me fall but continued to smoke as I struggled to get up...my knee swelling and bits of glass all over.
> I later found out that no one wanted to help me because I was too fat and they might hurt their backs.



*C*hubbyBubbles: that's horrible... what jerks and the sad part is that these are folks that know you or know of you- but, still .... it doesn't take much to go outside and help. It's like folks don't want to get involved.. bastards... bastards...bastards


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

Laura2008 said:


> Yeah he's a real douchebag. I refused to hold the door open for him the other day when he was carrying in a big chair. The look on his face was priceless when he realized I wasn't going to help him.
> 
> I hear ya on the snow. I'm scared to death of ice and snow. I make my friends hold onto me when we're walking in and out of a restaurant or store.



Good for you. It would have taken sheer willpower for me not to flip that dick off whilst he gazed through his window :blink:


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## liz (di-va)

ChubbyBubbles said:


> I later found out that no one wanted to help me because I was too fat and they might hurt their backs.


what the hell  ...that's awful


----------



## CrankySpice

ChubbyBubbles said:


> That happened to me about 5 years ago while I was working at a place that helps people with disabilities. It was a terribly snowy day and I had to park on the hill. As I was getting out of my car, I slipped on a piece of ice and everything I was holding went flying, including a glass jar. There was a group of people from my floor outside smoking who saw me fall but continued to smoke as I struggled to get up...my knee swelling and bits of glass all over.
> I later found out that no one wanted to help me because I was too fat and they might hurt their backs.



Oh, for pete's sake. I honestly cannot imagine watching someone fall and not at least offering to help any way you can. I mean, even just offer to help you pick up the stuff you dropped, or SOMETHING. I'm sorry this happened to you (& you, too, Laura).


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## Mikey

I can't believe these stories!! It amazes me how petty, small minded and just plain stupid people are. I posted so people would remember to help our friends. I am sorry if it opened some raw memories!!


----------



## [email protected]

ChubbyBubbles said:


> That happened to me about 5 years ago while I was working at a place that helps people with disabilities. It was a terribly snowy day and I had to park on the hill. As I was getting out of my car, I slipped on a piece of ice and everything I was holding went flying, including a glass jar. There was a group of people from my floor outside smoking who saw me fall but continued to smoke as I struggled to get up...my knee swelling and bits of glass all over.
> I later found out that no one wanted to help me because I was too fat and they might hurt their backs.



I can understand that one person would not be willing to go alone ... but if there was 4 or 5 that could have done ...
If they have a cell phone shame on the whole pack of the for not at least calling the cops with it ... it's not that you are too fat that is the problem but it's a universal issue of taking the time to help ...as the old parable of the Good Samaritan shows us 2000 years ago.


----------



## [email protected]

Jes said:


> i walk pretty quickly, but i'm not always a fan of stairs. i have almost (almost!) no shame in saying to someone: I'll meet you up there! and then finding an elevator. *Feeling we have to do something to keep someone else happy*, or whatever the motivation is, isn't necessary much of the time.



The whole purpose of you and and everything on the face of this universe is for you to use your unique talents to help others ... it's also the way to become a universal giver... 

Consider the hierarchy:

The ground serves to allow plant life to grow ... Plants take from the ground and and give to the animal world. Science has taught us that Plants take sunlight and carbon dioxide and chlorophyll and release Oxygen through Photosynthesis. The animal breathes in oxygen and releases Carbon Dioxide which is reused by the plant. 

The more you see science with this idea in mind the more you realize we are not dependent or independent of everything else but are INTERDEPENDENT ... you need something at the grocery store so you go to the store to get it .. you then use it to bake a nice cake for a mother who has given birth to girl who may one day wind up marrying you three year old son in the grand scheme of things. 

The truth is we don't stop and think of what a small tiny act of kindness may one day blossom into.


----------



## Surfer

I agree with all the posts. Most men do understand the difference between dating a SSBBW/BBW and a skinny girl. That is why now that I am dating again, I sold my Honda Civic and got a Linc. Towncar. I also have been checking out the different places to eat and seeing which are SSBBW/BBW friendly in seating.
Surfer


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## Britty

Surfer said:


> I agree with all the posts. Most men do understand the difference between dating a SSBBW/BBW and a skinny girl. That is why now that I am dating again, I sold my Honda Civic and got a Linc. Towncar. I also have been checking out the different places to eat and seeing which are SSBBW/BBW friendly in seating.
> Surfer



That's super sweet! If you need some suggestions, I'd be happy to help you since we live in the same area.


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## Noir

I'll admit in my younger years the differences didn't cross my mind at all. With time comes experience though. I have slowed my walk considerablly when with company and opted for larger/ more comfortable furniture. I sadly don't have a car because of money and all the public transportation bybwhere I live; however I am starting to look for one. Any suggestions?


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## LillyBBBW

Noir said:


> I'll admit in my younger years the differences didn't cross my mind at all. With time comes experience though. I have slowed my walk considerablly when with company and opted for larger/ more comfortable furniture. I sadly don't have a car because of money and all the public transportation bybwhere I live; however I am starting to look for one. Any suggestions?



A car is way better than walking or climbing on to a crowded bus, whatever car it is.  So far I've seen three threads dealing with car purchases and the advice can go on for pages and pages. The two main, hardcore, important things I can recommend you keep in mind is making sure the car will not inflict pain. The common thing that I dread about riding in someone's car is that the seatbelt receptacles will be these hard plastic things that jutt up right next to the seat. When I sit in the car my hip, buttock or thigh is mashed tightly against it and it can't be moved out of the way. This amounts to a repetative long-term injury and I'm so sore and bruised after. If I get out of the car, eat, and then get back in the area is tender and the pain is insane. Try and see if you can get a car where there is no buckle torture, and then there's the obvious making sure the seatbelt with fit her. That's easy to take care of though, just make sure the dealer gets you an extender.

Another issue is riding in stick shift cars or car's where the gear shift's not on the steering wheel. My knee rests HEAVILY against it, no matter how big the car is. I spend the entire ride straining not to press up against it too hard which is a pain. A guy I dated confessed it was his favorite thing because when he reached down to shif gears there was the added benefit of being able to touch my knee and my thigh. While this may be a tempting ploy, it is also very painful and even dangerous. I'm constantly worried that I may knock the car out of gear or something. It has happened once or twice. It was an unpleasant feeling. Beware of stick shifts. 

Aside from that most everything else is negotiable or adjustable. Make sure the car isn't tiny, the seats can be adjusted, etc. Something important I try to tell everybody, both friends and lovers, about SSBBWs: *Do not* pull up directly close to the curb when picking up or dropping off an SSBBW. This should be a general rule for any passenger you have but you should leave at least 7 inches of space between the car and the curb so that your passenger can get a foothold. Due to my weight, 99.9% of the time the curb is level with or even higher than the seat I'm sitting in. If you're right up against the curb I nearly have to crawl out of the car on my ass to get out or turn around and fall backwards to get in. This rule does not apply if you are driving a truck or SUV. In this case the seat is way high up so you should park as close to the curb as you can get. Otherwise, always leave space.


----------



## AnnMarie

LillyBBBW said:


> A car is way better than walking or climbing on to a crowded bus, whatever car it is.  So far I've seen three threads dealing with car purchases and the advice can go on for pages and pages. The two main, hardcore, important things I can recommend you keep in mind is making sure the car will not inflict pain. The common thing that I dread about riding in someone's car is that the seatbelt receptacles will be these hard plastic things that jutt up right next to the seat. When I sit in the car my hip, buttock or thigh is mashed tightly against it and it can't be moved out of the way. This amounts to a repetative long-term injury and I'm so sore and bruised after. If I get out of the car, eat, and then get back in the area is tender and the pain is insane. Try and see if you can get a car where there is no buckle torture, and then there's the obvious making sure the seatbelt with fit her. That's easy to take care of though, just make sure the dealer gets you an extender.
> 
> Another issue is riding in stick shift cars or car's where the gear shift's not on the steering wheel. My knee rests HEAVILY against it, no matter how big the car is. I spend the entire ride straining not to press up against it too hard which is a pain. A guy I dated confessed it was his favorite thing because when he reached down to shif gears there was the added benefit of being able to touch my knee and my thigh. While this may be a tempting ploy, it is also very painful and even dangerous. I'm constantly worried that I may knock the car out of gear or something. It has happened once or twice. It was an unpleasant feeling. Beware of stick shifts.
> 
> Aside from that most everything else is negotiable or adjustable. Make sure the car isn't tiny, the seats can be adjusted, etc. Something important I try to tell everybody, both friends and lovers, about SSBBWs: *Do not* pull up directly close to the curb when picking up or dropping off an SSBBW. This should be a general rule for any passenger you have but you should leave at least 7 inches of space between the car and the curb so that your passenger can get a foothold. Due to my weight, 99.9% of the time the curb is level with or even higher than the seat I'm sitting in. If you're right up against the curb I nearly have to crawl out of the car on my ass to get out or turn around and fall backwards to get in. This rule does not apply if you are driving a truck or SUV. In this case the seat is way high up so you should park as close to the curb as you can get. Otherwise, always leave space.



The other issue with curb is door scraping... while we may be able to wiggle out without doing it (we can see and we're moving differently...) when trying to get back inside we'll open the door all the way, which may clear, but then when we sit it may hit the ground, making us unable to close it and possibly damaging a tiny portion of the bottom of your door...which personally would make me die inside. If you can let us out before you park... go for it - might make it easier on everyone! hahah


----------



## LillyBBBW

AnnMarie said:


> The other issue with curb is door scraping... while we may be able to wiggle out without doing it (we can see and we're moving differently...) when trying to get back inside we'll open the door all the way, which may clear, but then when we sit it may hit the ground, making us unable to close it and possibly damaging a tiny portion of the bottom of your door...which personally would make me die inside. If you can let us out before you park... go for it - might make it easier on everyone! hahah



That happens to me all the time. I can't remember a time when it didn't. My solution for getting in is to open the car door, step off the curb into the street, put the other foot inside the car and then pull the car door as far towards me as I comfortably can before sitting down. With enough space between the car and the curb I can pull the door far enough inward to not have the door touch the curb when I sit down. A guy I know very well does this for me when I get in his car partly because he's a nice guy and partly because he's a maniac about his car and doesn't want me scraping it up.  I live in a big city though so sometimes you gotta grab the space you see when you see it, especially if it's right in front. Otherwise, this is a fine argument for dropping your sweetie off at the door -- though you still have to observe the "ample curb space" rule when dropping her off unless you do so at a ramp.

ETA: Many times I've had to ask drivers to pull out first before I get in so I can have more space.


----------



## Lalazuu

Are there any Asian guys who like SSBBW's?


----------



## AnnMarie

Yes. 

There is at least one of every single type of guy who likes at least one of every single type of women. 

Except gay guys. Probably.


----------



## blueeyedevie

LOL! Well I know there is at least one Asian and hes mine...


----------



## Oldtimer76

blueeyedevie said:


> LOL! Well I know there is at least one Asian and hes mine...



AND... He's very lucky to have you, babe:blush:


----------



## Takeshi

Lalazuu said:


> Are there any Asian guys who like SSBBW's?



lol I'm half Japanese and I love me some BBW/SSBBW! ^_^


----------



## superodalisque

ChubbyBubbles said:


> That happened to me about 5 years ago while I was working at a place that helps people with disabilities. It was a terribly snowy day and I had to park on the hill. As I was getting out of my car, I slipped on a piece of ice and everything I was holding went flying, including a glass jar. There was a group of people from my floor outside smoking who saw me fall but continued to smoke as I struggled to get up...my knee swelling and bits of glass all over.
> I later found out that no one wanted to help me because I was too fat and they might hurt their backs.



wow this makes me so glad i live in the south. tg because i really hate walking on ice. when i did live in the north i remember lots of nice men who would offer to help because they noticed i was slipping when i walked and looked afraid. so at least they aren't all like that. i think i'm very spoiled though. even the younger men here are raised to be socially attentive. i can't imagine someone walking and leaving a woman behind unless they were extremely angry with her or leaving her to struggle to get up after a fall no matter what. last week a guy noticed me coming from the grocery store slightly limping to my car and offered to put my cart away. when i take the train i never worry about getting a seat. some gentleman will always get up. those are very typical behaviors here. i think its things like that that make it much less of a worry to be a super. its a shame some people haven't gotten the human species memo. from some quarters basic manners are a thing of the past. its worrying because generally speaking our society has become more and more thoughtless of each other. and that is why everyone is always so angry about everything--because you can sometimes go an entire day without anyone showing any kind of kind concern about you in some places. i hope things will reverse soon for all our sakes. one day all of those people standing at the door watching are going to need someone's help. i hope for their sake the people they look to don't have bad backs.


----------



## bobsjers

ChubbyBubbles said:


> That happened to me about 5 years ago while I was working at a place that helps people with disabilities. It was a terribly snowy day and I had to park on the hill. As I was getting out of my car, I slipped on a piece of ice and everything I was holding went flying, including a glass jar. There was a group of people from my floor outside smoking who saw me fall but continued to smoke as I struggled to get up...my knee swelling and bits of glass all over.
> I later found out that no one wanted to help me because I was too fat and they might hurt their backs.



Funny, they don't mind filling their lungs up with smoke that causes cancer, but all of a sudden they are worried about their backs.


----------



## TimeTraveller

ChubbyBubbles said:


> That happened to me about 5 years ago while I was working at a place that helps people with disabilities. It was a terribly snowy day and I had to park on the hill. As I was getting out of my car, I slipped on a piece of ice and everything I was holding went flying, including a glass jar. There was a group of people from my floor outside smoking who saw me fall but continued to smoke as I struggled to get up...my knee swelling and bits of glass all over.
> I later found out that no one wanted to help me because I was too fat and they might hurt their backs.


Sad to say, but in today's society you might consider yourself lucky that nobody pulled out a camera. A few weeks ago when Bill Nye the Science Guy fainted on stage, people in the audience were so busy tweeting and taking videos of him falling on his face that nobody helped him. That's just dumb. :doh:


----------



## TimeTraveller

Since I'm new here I've been reading most of the topics before I post too much, and find them interesting and informative, but don't really know what I can contribute that somebody else hasn't already mentioned. I'm learning some of the lingo too. Maybe I can add a few personal glimpses. My wife is not particularly happy to be so fat but she accepts her weight as part of her life. I neither encourage nor discourage her to lose weight, and I truly did marry her for her intelligence and her personality, but so much beautifully proportioned fat is *wonderful*. My wife does smile and roll her eyes when she sees me staring at her huge belly and breasts bulging out. Eventually she says okay, honey, it's time to look at her face now. Married 30 years and counting, and it only gets better. :smitten:

My wife doesn't like me to make a big production about how gorgeous her fat is, but she certainly isn't ashamed of her size either. When we go out to dinner or to a social function she dresses well and her clothes do highlight her very large figure, not really to show it off but instead not to hide it. She once told me she likes the world to see that yes she is an obese woman but so what? She's happy and confident and has a great life, fat or no fat. Last week we visited friends and relatives during the US Thanksgiving holidays, and one evening she looked stunning in her black dress which made no secret of her rolls of fat shaping the fabric. Thank goodness she hates tent dresses which would only hide her figure! Subconsciously I may reinforce her thinking because I do stay right by her side and beam with pride when she dresses well. (As an FA sometimes I'm tempted to announce, "Hey everybody, my beautiful wife weighs four hundred pounds! How about your wife?" But I restrain myself. Most people simply wouldn't understand.  )

Essentially I try to make her as comfortable as possible, and take her to nice places, and treat her like the goddess she is, but that's what any good husband should do, fat or no fat. Thinking about the many Christmas parties coming up, I'll be sure to drive her close to the main entrance and then go park the car so she won't need to walk far, especially if the weather is icy. During the parties I'll also make sure she doesn't simply stand and chat for more than 10 minutes at a time and then gently encourage her to sit so her feet, legs and back won't become sore. If she wants anything, I'm happy to get it for her. I try to be aware of her needs to make sure she's happy and healthy and her mobility is reasonably good. 

I've known my wife since she was 8 and I was 7, and over the course of 45 years I've seen her grow into the very big, very beautiful and very wonderful woman she is today. Am I lucky or what? :smitten:


----------



## Rowan

Need more men who like ssbbws to be livin here in north central Florida!!


----------



## Rowan

Lalazuu said:


> Are there any Asian guys who like SSBBW's?



I dont really have a true "type" but I am very drawn to asians of a certain look and Cant recall anytime ive ever seen an asian man with a larger woman....hmmm


----------



## TimeTraveller

Well, I've said just about everything I've needed to say, so before I repeat myself I'll pull over to the side of the road and let the traffic go past me. I'll jump in where appropriate, but I learn much more by listening than by talking. 

Not having children of our own, my wife & I try to set good examples for the impressionable youth (unfortunately the less impressionable youth must be struck with a mallet, a.k.a. the school of hard knocks, but they can do that on their own  ). I remember as a child seeing a plaque in a tourist trap: "Ve grow too soon oldt, und too late schmart." That old Dutch and/or German proverb has stayed with me, so I tried to learn from my elders, and tried to make more good decisions than bad. So far so good. Now I'm a quasi-elder, so I'll pass along one lesson learned.

Obesity should not make or break a relationship. If the fat is there, it can be woooonderful. If not, that's okay too. What counts in a long, lasting relationship is the person within, compatibility, compassion and respect for each other. The rest is only packaging. 

Admittedly, a SSBBW has breathtakingly luxurious packing. . . (hyperventilating)


----------



## HeavyDuty24

TimeTraveller said:


> Well, I've said just about everything I've needed to say, so before I repeat myself I'll pull over to the side of the road and let the traffic go past me. I'll jump in where appropriate, but I learn much more by listening than by talking.
> 
> Not having children of our own, my wife & I try to set good examples for the impressionable youth (unfortunately the less impressionable youth must be struck with a mallet, a.k.a. the school of hard knocks, but they can do that on their own  ). I remember as a child seeing a plaque in a tourist trap: "Ve grow too soon oldt, und too late schmart." That old Dutch and/or German proverb has stayed with me, so I tried to learn from my elders, and tried to make more good decisions than bad. So far so good. Now I'm a quasi-elder, so I'll pass along one lesson learned.
> 
> Obesity should not make or break a relationship. If the fat is there, it can be woooonderful. If not, that's okay too. What counts in a long, lasting relationship is the person within, compatibility, compassion and respect for each other. The rest is only packaging.
> 
> Admittedly, a SSBBW has breathtakingly luxurious packing. . . (hyperventilating)




good post.


----------



## TimeTraveller

HeavyDuty24 said:


> good post.


Thank you. I was trying to think if there was anything else to add, but that pretty much says it all. So I'll sail off into the sunset.


----------



## Stroker Ace

Hi, I'm a newbie. I do find this an interesting topic.

It's nice to k:kiss2:now that some of you SSBBW's have found happines with you lifestyle. I do wonder about mobility issues and how you deal with them, considering most of us do have to walk. I imagine there must be a breaking point where certain things that are taken for granted become more of a challenge. Is it a turn on? Just asking. I mean sure, I (sometimes) fantasize erotic thoughts of mad sex w/a SSBBW (LargeNLovely, I'm lookin' at you, haha) but for me it is fantasy. I love my better half and our REAL life together (goin' to concerts, camping, hiking, swimming ect). 

We all make our choices and we adapt as need be. Sleep in the bed you make so to speak.

Rock n' roll- Turd

Huggs, kisses and happy new year!


----------



## HeatherBBW

You should consider what you have written before hitting the post button. 

That being said, I'll leave you be and go back to my FAKE life.



turd ferguson said:


> Hi, I'm a newbie. I do find this an interesting topic.
> 
> It's nice to k:kiss2:now that some of you SSBBW's have found happines with you lifestyle. I do wonder about mobility issues and how you deal with them, considering most of us do have to walk. I imagine there must be a breaking point where certain things that are taken for granted become more of a challenge. Is it a turn on? Just asking. I mean sure, I (sometimes) fantasize erotic thoughts of mad sex w/a SSBBW (LargeNLovely, I'm lookin' at you, haha) but for me it is fantasy. I love my better half and our REAL life together (goin' to concerts, camping, hiking, swimming ect).
> 
> We all make our choices and we adapt as need be. Sleep in the bed you make so to speak.
> 
> Rock n' roll- Turd
> 
> Huggs, kisses and happy new year!


----------



## Stroker Ace

HeatherBBW said:


> You should consider what you have written before hitting the post button.
> 
> That being said, I'll leave you be and go back to my FAKE life.



Oh, snap.

I apologize, I ment no disrespect.

Sage advice from a great one.

I'll error on the side of caution.

Again HeatherBBW, I'm sorry.

Peace-


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

turd ferguson said:


> Hi, I'm a newbie. I do find this an interesting topic.
> 
> It's nice to k:kiss2:now that some of you SSBBW's have found happines with you lifestyle. I do wonder about mobility issues and how you deal with them, considering most of us do have to walk. I imagine there must be a breaking point where certain things that are taken for granted become more of a challenge. Is it a turn on? Just asking. I mean sure, I (sometimes) fantasize erotic thoughts of mad sex w/a SSBBW (LargeNLovely, I'm lookin' at you, haha) but for me it is fantasy. I love my better half and our REAL life together (goin' to concerts, camping, hiking, swimming ect).
> 
> We all make our choices and we adapt as need be. Sleep in the bed you make so to speak.
> 
> Rock n' roll- Turd
> 
> Huggs, kisses and happy new year!



Looks like you picked an appropriate username.


----------



## Stroker Ace

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Looks like you picked an appropriate username.


Double snap.

I guess you could say I'm the shit (cue, "Price Is Right" losing horns)

Nah, I've been stressed out in my so called REAL life (maybe that's the fake one) I don't know. Just alot going on (mom having surgery soon, elderl g-ma who needs to move... ect). Thanks for understanding. I'll be more careful

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro!"- HST gonzo, baby!


----------



## penguin

turd ferguson said:


> I do wonder about mobility issues and how you deal with them, considering most of us do have to walk.



Well, I get around just fine. I don't drive, so I use public transport. I have back problems from time to time, but I deal with it and get on with life.



turd ferguson said:


> I imagine there must be a breaking point where certain things that are taken for granted become more of a challenge.



Life is a challenge for everyone at times. You just have to roll with the punches and do the best you can.



turd ferguson said:


> Is it a turn on?



For some, sure. If you can imagine it, someone's turned on by it. Rule 34 and all. 



turd ferguson said:


> I love my better half and our REAL life together (goin' to concerts, camping, hiking, swimming ect).



Shit, I didn't realise I was living a fake life. What the hell did I do with my real one? 



turd ferguson said:


> We all make our choices and we adapt as need be. Sleep in the bed you make so to speak.



...and do you think we aren't?


----------



## Stroker Ace

Ok, I'm not sure why I put 'real' in cap's (full moon fever hangover perhaps).
A mistake on my part, as that sounded condecending towards you larger females. And then to chime in like you're all fake. I did not mean that. My better half is on the fuller figured side as well and kind of has a hard time with it (not from me, but just self-conscious). Some of you SSBBW's seem as full of confidence as some of your figures have become and that's, for want of a better word totally AWESOME (so 80's)! 

Anyway, keep makin' the rockin' world go 'round, hugs/kisses/love:kiss2:

"Fantasy is reality in the world today, 
I'll keep hanging in there, that's the only way"- George Clinton/Parliament


----------



## cinnamitch

turd ferguson said:


> Hi, I'm a newbie. I do find this an interesting topic.
> 
> It's nice to k:kiss2:now that some of you SSBBW's have found happines with you lifestyle. I do wonder about mobility issues and how you deal with them, considering most of us do have to walk. I imagine there must be a breaking point where certain things that are taken for granted become more of a challenge. Is it a turn on? Just asking. I mean sure, I (sometimes) fantasize erotic thoughts of mad sex w/a SSBBW (LargeNLovely, I'm lookin' at you, haha) but for me it is fantasy. I love my better half and our REAL life together (goin' to concerts, camping, hiking, swimming ect).
> 
> We all make our choices and we adapt as need be. Sleep in the bed you make so to speak.
> 
> Rock n' roll- Turd
> 
> Huggs, kisses and happy new year!



Just because you are in MN, i'm not going to verbally disembowel you for these insensitive comments but i've got my eye on you.


----------



## Franklyn

Lalazuu said:


> Are there any Asian guys who like SSBBW's?



Does a white guy living in Japan count? lol


----------



## liz (di-va)

turd ferguson said:


> It's nice to know that some of you SSBBW's have found happines with you lifestyle. I do wonder about mobility issues and how you deal with them, considering most of us do have to walk. I imagine there must be a breaking point where certain things that are taken for granted become more of a challenge. Is it a turn on? Just asking. I mean sure, I (sometimes) fantasize erotic thoughts of mad sex w/a SSBBW (LargeNLovely, I'm lookin' at you, haha) but for me it is fantasy. I love my better half and our REAL life together (goin' to concerts, camping, hiking, swimming ect).
> We all make our choices and we adapt as need be. Sleep in the bed you make so to speak.



I don't care if others have already said it, I gotta say it too:

We -- fat women -- aren't fantasy. I know what's being sold in the paysite world can confuse matters for people who don't see past it, but fat women aren't an erotic construct. (Are all thin women a fantasy because there is porn with some of them in it?) Fat women are everywhere, all around you, going to concerts, swimming, whatever. Do you see them?

Nor is fat a "lifestyle," nor do people choose it--for the vast majority of folks. It's just who you are.

Dare to link up the images you see with the real people around you.


----------



## Christov

Word of advice for anybody dating a lady with short arms and a considerably wider bottom half compared to shoulder width; be prepared to walk funny when holding hands.


----------



## Dromond

turd ferguson said:


> Ok, I'm not sure why I put 'real' in cap's (full moon fever hangover perhaps).
> A mistake on my part, as that sounded condecending towards you larger females. And then to chime in like you're all fake. I did not mean that. My better half is on the fuller figured side as well and kind of has a hard time with it (not from me, but just self-conscious). Some of you SSBBW's seem as full of confidence as some of your figures have become and that's, for want of a better word totally AWESOME (so 80's)!
> 
> Anyway, keep makin' the rockin' world go 'round, hugs/kisses/love:kiss2:
> 
> "Fantasy is reality in the world today,
> I'll keep hanging in there, that's the only way"- George Clinton/Parliament



I was ready to rip into you, but I just can't take you seriously. Your username and the trite -isms that you close your posts with... words fail me.


----------



## Stroker Ace

Hmm,

I guess I'll listen more and quite spouting off like the Tasmanian Devil. I feel like school kid who has said something wrong but didn't mean to. I want to make amends... I realize that there are sensitivity issues, some that I am taking for granted. For that I am truly sorry and don't mean to sound 'trite'. I will listen and learn and think before shooting off a quik reply. I look forward to, over time maybe getting to share stories, advice, wisdom, and humor with you all but I realize it'll take a some time. You don't build Rome in a day.

Let me just end by saying if there are more accpeting people such as yourselves, the world can be a much better place.

Sincerley- TF

"Be the change you want the world to be."- Ghandi


----------



## TraciJo67

Dromond said:


> I was ready to rip into you, but I just can't take you seriously. Your username and the trite -isms that you close your posts with... words fail me.


 
Ditto, except I'd add that OP has nothing on the typical 5th grader in terms of writing composition. I just assume that reading comprehension would be on par, and ... well, whooooooooosh.


----------



## Stroker Ace

Yes, I see fat people all the time. For myself, I feel as though I've come off as objectifing, in particular BBW/SSBBW's. That is not right and all I can ask is forgive me, I won't make that same mistake.

Just because I may have erotic/sexual fantasies in particular involving fat female(s) does not mean that that's how I act/treat them. I am NOT embarresed to see or be seen with somone of a large size. As for the fantasy thing it's just that, fantasy. Those of you who have you own paysites must realize that, why else would you post suggestive pic's to the online world.

"Luminous beings are we, not just crude flesh"- I think Yoda said something like that.

-TF


----------



## liz (di-va)

FWIW -- I wasn't trying to suggest any division between people who have paysites and people who don't in what I said--we're all women--I was reacting to the idea that fat is something naughty that gets put on for porn and doesn't exist properly anywhere else. Which is my particular off-pissing point.

Anyhow.



Christov said:


> Word of advice for anybody dating a lady with short arms and a considerably wider bottom half compared to shoulder width; be prepared to walk funny when holding hands.



That can be true. Holding hands in general can be a little tricky, I think.


----------



## Mikey

This also applies for the winter of 2011 and is a reminder, although this year it extends to most of the United States and Canada, as well as much of Europe:

At the risk of getting flamed I am going to post this with the best of intentions. Having had a very rough winter in the Midwest and Northeast, I want to suggest that anyone who has supersized friends offer to help them with their snow removal. I know many of our supersized friends are more then capable of shoveling snow and hauling around bags of salt and ice melt. However, a fair number are not. In addition, while walking is treacherous for everyone, for some of our friends getting off of the ground after a fall on their own steam is very tough. So helping with snow removal or errands on particularly foul days would be helpful to many I am sure. Again, as in earlier posts, I am speaking from MY experiences.


----------



## Stroker Ace

Those are excellent words...

this winter has been very tough, from the upper Midwest to the NE , hell all over... it tends to bring out irritated tempers and such (some of my earlier posts). This has been the harshist in probaly 20 years as far as MN in concerned. Hang in there, soring in two months away. Woo-hoo!


----------



## russianrobot

turd ferguson said:


> Hi, I'm a newbie. I do find this an interesting topic.
> 
> It's nice to k:kiss2:now that some of you SSBBW's have found happines with you lifestyle. I do wonder about mobility issues and how you deal with them, considering most of us do have to walk. I imagine there must be a breaking point where certain things that are taken for granted become more of a challenge. Is it a turn on? Just asking. I mean sure, I (sometimes) fantasize erotic thoughts of mad sex w/a SSBBW (LargeNLovely, I'm lookin' at you, haha) but for me it is fantasy. I love my better half and our REAL life together (goin' to concerts, camping, hiking, swimming ect).
> 
> We all make our choices and we adapt as need be. Sleep in the bed you make so to speak.
> 
> Rock n' roll- Turd
> 
> Huggs, kisses and happy new year!



*Father I confess ,I seek attention*


----------



## Eclectic_Girl

No flaming here...sounds kind and thoughtful to me.



Mikey said:


> This also applies for the winter of 2011 and is a reminder, although this year it extends to most of the United States and Canada, as well as much of Europe:
> 
> At the risk of getting flamed I am going to post this with the best of intentions. Having had a very rough winter in the Midwest and Northeast, I want to suggest that anyone who has supersized friends offer to help them with their snow removal. I know many of our supersized friends are more then capable of shoveling snow and hauling around bags of salt and ice melt. However, a fair number are not. In addition, while walking is treacherous for everyone, for some of our friends getting off of the ground after a fall on their own steam is very tough. So helping with snow removal or errands on particularly foul days would be helpful to many I am sure. Again, as in earlier posts, I am speaking from MY experiences.


----------



## Stroker Ace

Eclectic_Girl said:


> No flaming here...sounds kind and thoughtful to me.



That's awesome.

"Alright then lads, let's get this vessel ship shape".- Old Fred
:I kind of like the way it is, submarine shaped."- George Harrison

- from the film, "Yellow Submarine" 1968


----------



## Miskatonic

I think I have what it takes to be with an ssbbw. It would suck a little to know that certain things I like to do, I would have to do solo, but I'm understanding of how being an ssbbw would make things like going to music festivals a challenge and I wouldn't be rude or impatient about it.


----------



## KHayes666

Miskatonic said:


> I think I have what it takes to be with an ssbbw. *It would suck a little to know that certain things I like to do, I would have to do solo*, but I'm understanding of how being an ssbbw would make things like going to music festivals a challenge and I wouldn't be rude or impatient about it.



Do you have the means to provide transportation for them? Do the concerts you attend provide scooters and or proper places to sit?

Before the usual negative, narcissist like a-holes come and rip you apart let me say that you should always look into things before assuming you just can't.


----------



## Miskatonic

KHayes666 said:


> Do you have the means to provide transportation for them? Do the concerts you attend provide scooters and or proper places to sit?
> 
> Before the usual negative, narcissist like a-holes come and rip you apart let me say that you should always look into things before assuming you just can't.



I do in fact. And it's been forever since I went to a concert, I was just using it as an example since the OP mentioned an issue pertaining to a music festival she went to. I didn't mean any kind of offense by my post.


----------



## Rowan

KHayes666 said:


> Do you have the means to provide transportation for them? Do the concerts you attend provide scooters and or proper places to sit?
> 
> Before the usual negative, narcissist like a-holes come and rip you apart let me say that you should always look into things before assuming you just can't.





Miskatonic said:


> I do in fact. And it's been forever since I went to a concert, I was just using it as an example since the OP mentioned an issue pertaining to a music festival she went to. I didn't mean any kind of offense by my post.



I dont think he said anything to be ripped about....for example...you're not going to get a 600 pound ssbbw rock climbing or running marathons for example. I think it was a perfectly valid post with nothing to rip on. but that's just my two cents. *shrug*


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Rowan said:


> I dont think he said anything to be ripped about....for example...you're not going to get a 600 pound ssbbw rock climbing or running marathons for example. I think it was a perfectly valid post with nothing to rip on. but that's just my two cents. *shrug*



I agree. Welcome to Dims, Miskatonic.


----------



## Miskatonic

Thanks ladies. For a minute there I was worried I had made a dick of myself after only being on the board for a day!


----------



## CastingPearls

Miskatonic said:


> Thanks ladies. For a minute there I was worried I had made a dick of myself after only being on the board for a day!


No, so far so good. There's just a lot of dick waving around here.


----------



## Victim

Theresa doesn't scale rock walls, but loves to climb on rocks.


----------



## Miskatonic

CastingPearls said:


> No, so far so good. There's just a lot of dick waving around here.



Well my attitude is that while all the other guys are busy waving their dicks at each other I'll be charming some cute ssbbws with my suave ways


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

CastingPearls said:


> No, so far so good. There's just a lot of dick waving around here.



What's wrong with a bunch of dicks waving all around us in the air? :smitten: :wubu:


Oh....nevermind....:doh:


----------



## LillyBBBW

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> What's wrong with a bunch of dicks waving all around us in the air? :smitten: :wubu:
> 
> 
> Oh....nevermind....:doh:



That's what I'M sayin...


----------



## tonynyc

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> What's wrong with a bunch of dicks waving all around us in the air? :smitten: :wubu:
> 
> 
> Oh....nevermind....:doh:





LillyBBBW said:


> That's what I'M sayin...










I'll keep this G-Rated -but, in honor of Wrestling Legend *"Big Dick"* Dudley... I don't think you two wonderful ladies would have it any other way 




Miskatonic said:


> I think I have what it takes to be with an ssbbw. It would suck a little to know that certain things I like to do, I would have to do solo, but I'm understanding of how being an ssbbw would make things like going to music festivals a challenge and I wouldn't be rude or impatient about it.



*I*t's all about compromise...and how you look at things


----------



## PunkyGurly74

I am an SSBBW...but, I have always been very active..( my weight goes up and down...from BBW to SSBBW....and I can walk a couple of miles....etc..

I want to go on dates!!! And concerts!!! Le sigh...lol


----------



## witchysbbw

As a supersized woman I can tell you that there are many issues so both parties have to be open and honest. We SSBBW have to admit what we can and cannot do and be willing to accept assistance. My husband was great about this. He always made me feel comfortable no matter the obstacles. I know my limitations and am not too proud to use equipment such as my wheelchair to make my life more productive. 

I have only had a few problems with cars. Of course small 2 seater sports cars and extra tall trucks and SUV's are totally out of the picture. I drove a Malibu for many years until the lemon died. I look for 3 things in a car...reclining seats, adjustable steering wheel, bench seating and lots of leg room. Surprisingly many of the smaller cars are more comfortable than the big SUV's. I once road in a Land Rover that was torturous.


----------



## carrie_ult

I dated 2 SSBBW and 3 girls well over 300 lbs. All at least known to the community, not to say famous. Well the BBW´s where completely okay, lot of fun and no limits.

Well the SSBBW´s both jobless and with lots of problems. I think that´s for sure the majority and not a minority. With 20% jobless in US and so many working poor and even more under the SSBBW population. As a european with a real welfare state as social cushion i never had contact with people driving a big car but leaving in a waste dump and wasting the money on useless things like in USA and not having money on an account. I really couldn´t understand it, life is much cheaper in US and still the ppl struggle a lot more. What i want to say if you date a jobless SSBBW no problem, relation big big problem, because all their problems will soon be yours, cause there are very little good paid jobs out there for SSBBW. And as heather said in the beginning SSBBW life is expensive, i am earning a bit above average now, but by far i can´t afford a good life for me and a SSBBW. If money would be no problem i may be able to stay with one, but i can´t. Would be much too much dedication, especially when kids also need to have a good life. Which in US is much harder than here. 

All in all I wonder why there are so many SSBBW in US, well lifestyle makes them fat, but who would get nearly handicapped fat in a society that has little social security and depends completely on todays income? I simply don´t get it, in Europe fatness is not accepted as in US, but for living it would be easier here, as soon as the sell clothes and other stuff for SS people

Well both SSBBW friends are going to get a WLS soon, i don´t know if they really want to, but they have too, because nobody wants to help them anymore, begging all friends for money and one day nobody lends them anymore. Nearly a hopeless situation with their weight. 
One is a little golddigger in a relation with a loser who can´t earn enough to maintain her. The other one wasn´t married, had very bad luck, so she needs to take care of herself and thats hard being overweight like she is. 

What i want to say, ladies get a rich guy who really can dedicate a lot or have a good and secure job. Otherwise 2 destroyed lifes will be the result. My BBW friends just have normal struggles like small woman have too. I would say max. 350 lbs at 5'5 is perfect, big enough for me to do all the funny things and don´t have a pervert dependence on the other. 
Well this is more for the beginners to think about it, before they get to close to somebody.


----------



## Blackjack

carrie_ult said:


> I dated 2 SSBBW and 3 girls well over 300 lbs. All at least known to the community, not to say famous. Well the BBW´s where completely okay, lot of fun and no limits.
> 
> Well the SSBBW´s both jobless and with lots of problems. I think that´s for sure the majority and not a minority. With 20% jobless in US and so many working poor and even more under the SSBBW population. As a european with a real welfare state as social cushion i never had contact with people driving a big car but leaving in a waste dump and wasting the money on useless things like in USA and not having money on an account. I really couldn´t understand it, life is much cheaper in US and still the ppl struggle a lot more. What i want to say if you date a jobless SSBBW no problem, relation big big problem, because all their problems will soon be yours, cause there are very little good paid jobs out there for SSBBW. And as heather said in the beginning SSBBW life is expensive, i am earning a bit above average now, but by far i can´t afford a good life for me and a SSBBW. If money would be no problem i may be able to stay with one, but i can´t. Would be much too much dedication, especially when kids also need to have a good life. Which in US is much harder than here.
> 
> All in all I wonder why there are so many SSBBW in US, well lifestyle makes them fat, but who would get nearly handicapped fat in a society that has little social security and depends completely on todays income? I simply don´t get it, in Europe fatness is not accepted as in US, but for living it would be easier here, as soon as the sell clothes and other stuff for SS people
> 
> Well both SSBBW friends are going to get a WLS soon, i don´t know if they really want to, but they have too, because nobody wants to help them anymore, begging all friends for money and one day nobody lends them anymore. Nearly a hopeless situation with their weight.
> One is a little golddigger in a relation with a loser who can´t earn enough to maintain her. The other one wasn´t married, had very bad luck, so she needs to take care of herself and thats hard being overweight like she is.
> 
> What i want to say, ladies get a rich guy who really can dedicate a lot or have a good and secure job. Otherwise 2 destroyed lifes will be the result. My BBW friends just have normal struggles like small woman have too. I would say max. 350 lbs at 5'5 is perfect, big enough for me to do all the funny things and don´t have a pervert dependence on the other.
> Well this is more for the beginners to think about it, before they get to close to somebody.



So in other words don't get too fat in the US because the US is bad and you won't find a job?


----------



## LillyBBBW

Blackjack said:


> So in other words don't get too fat in the US because the US is bad and you won't find a job?



No no, you misunderstood him. Fat women over 350 and 5'5" can't hold DOWN a job. They're always begging.


----------



## WVMountainrear

carrie_ult said:


> I dated 2 SSBBW and 3 girls well over 300 lbs. All at least known to the community, not to say famous. Well the BBW´s where completely okay, lot of fun and no limits.
> 
> Well the SSBBW´s both jobless and with lots of problems. I think that´s for sure the majority and not a minority. With 20% jobless in US and so many working poor and even more under the SSBBW population. As a european with a real welfare state as social cushion i never had contact with people driving a big car but leaving in a waste dump and wasting the money on useless things like in USA and not having money on an account. I really couldn´t understand it, life is much cheaper in US and still the ppl struggle a lot more. What i want to say if you date a jobless SSBBW no problem, relation big big problem, because all their problems will soon be yours, cause there are very little good paid jobs out there for SSBBW. And as heather said in the beginning SSBBW life is expensive, i am earning a bit above average now, but by far i can´t afford a good life for me and a SSBBW. If money would be no problem i may be able to stay with one, but i can´t. Would be much too much dedication, especially when kids also need to have a good life. Which in US is much harder than here.
> 
> All in all I wonder why there are so many SSBBW in US, well lifestyle makes them fat, but who would get nearly handicapped fat in a society that has little social security and depends completely on todays income? I simply don´t get it, in Europe fatness is not accepted as in US, but for living it would be easier here, as soon as the sell clothes and other stuff for SS people
> 
> Well both SSBBW friends are going to get a WLS soon, i don´t know if they really want to, but they have too, because nobody wants to help them anymore, begging all friends for money and one day nobody lends them anymore. Nearly a hopeless situation with their weight.
> One is a little golddigger in a relation with a loser who can´t earn enough to maintain her. The other one wasn´t married, had very bad luck, so she needs to take care of herself and thats hard being overweight like she is.
> 
> What i want to say, ladies get a rich guy who really can dedicate a lot or have a good and secure job. Otherwise 2 destroyed lifes will be the result. My BBW friends just have normal struggles like small woman have too. I would say max. 350 lbs at 5'5 is perfect, big enough for me to do all the funny things and don´t have a pervert dependence on the other.
> Well this is more for the beginners to think about it, before they get to close to somebody.



This clearly wins the award for the most ignorant post I have read since being a member of this community. Congratulations.


----------



## SoVerySoft

carrie_ult said:


> Well the SSBBW´s both jobless and with lots of problems. I think that´s for sure the majority and not a minority. ...[snip]...Well this is more for the beginners to think about it, before they get to close to somebody.



Well, I think you'll get an education with this post. I have no doubt that the members here will refute a lot of your assumptions. 

While I'm tempted to say more, I'll just say that you can't judge an entire population of individuals (SSBBWs) by the 2 that you have known. It's not much of a sampling.


----------



## Victim

carrie_ult said:


> I dated 2 SSBBW and 3 girls well over 300 lbs. All at least known to the community, not to say famous. Well the BBW´s where completely okay, lot of fun and no limits.
> 
> Well the SSBBW´s both jobless and with lots of problems. I think that´s for sure the majority and not a minority. With 20% jobless in US and so many working poor and even more under the SSBBW population. As a european with a real welfare state as social cushion i never had contact with people driving a big car but leaving in a waste dump and wasting the money on useless things like in USA and not having money on an account. I really couldn´t understand it, life is much cheaper in US and still the ppl struggle a lot more. What i want to say if you date a jobless SSBBW no problem, relation big big problem, because all their problems will soon be yours, cause there are very little good paid jobs out there for SSBBW. And as heather said in the beginning SSBBW life is expensive, i am earning a bit above average now, but by far i can´t afford a good life for me and a SSBBW. If money would be no problem i may be able to stay with one, but i can´t. Would be much too much dedication, especially when kids also need to have a good life. Which in US is much harder than here.
> 
> All in all I wonder why there are so many SSBBW in US, well lifestyle makes them fat, but who would get nearly handicapped fat in a society that has little social security and depends completely on todays income? I simply don´t get it, in Europe fatness is not accepted as in US, but for living it would be easier here, as soon as the sell clothes and other stuff for SS people
> 
> Well both SSBBW friends are going to get a WLS soon, i don´t know if they really want to, but they have too, because nobody wants to help them anymore, begging all friends for money and one day nobody lends them anymore. Nearly a hopeless situation with their weight.
> One is a little golddigger in a relation with a loser who can´t earn enough to maintain her. The other one wasn´t married, had very bad luck, so she needs to take care of herself and thats hard being overweight like she is.
> 
> What i want to say, ladies get a rich guy who really can dedicate a lot or have a good and secure job. Otherwise 2 destroyed lifes will be the result. My BBW friends just have normal struggles like small woman have too. I would say max. 350 lbs at 5'5 is perfect, big enough for me to do all the funny things and don´t have a pervert dependence on the other.
> Well this is more for the beginners to think about it, before they get to close to somebody.



Yeah, God forbid if some 'beginner' gets too close to someone who is too big to even be a person anymore. You have saved them. Your wisdom will be heralded for the rest of human history. Perhaps a sainthood in your future?!?


----------



## Blockierer

carrie_ult said:


> .What i want to say if you date a jobless SSBBW no problem, relation big big problem, because all their problems will soon be yours, cause there are very little good paid jobs out there for SSBBW. .
> .


The message is, don't date SSBBWs. 
I'm married to one, now I know the cause of my problems. :doh:
What a fool I am!


----------



## AnnMarie

Wait, if I'm reading this right.... and I think I AM.... 

I didn't need to work since I was 13 years old, go to college, get a degree, work my way into a profession, establish a career, work most of my professional career over 50 hours a week, now work TWO jobs.... 

I could have just done NOTHING??? That was all that was expected??? Because I'm a fatty?? Who knew. 


Carrie-ult, as SVS said above, if you've decided an entire experience with a group of people based on these two interactions (and not just fat women, but AMERICAN fat women) then I'd love to hear your take on other groups you've had almost no experience with. Actually, no, I wouldn't like your take on those - never mind. 



And to be crystal clear, I am NOT an exception to the rule - just about *every supersize woman I know in my personal life works in some way, makes a living, and contributes to her household.

Sounds like your issues with Americans/women/large women are much larger than the women themselves. PLEASE DON'T DATE US.


----------



## bigsexy920

This whole post makes me think "ignorance is bliss" 

It does make me wonder how many men really think this ??? 



carrie_ult said:


> I dated 2 SSBBW and 3 girls well over 300 lbs. All at least known to the community, not to say famous. Well the BBW´s where completely okay, lot of fun and no limits.
> 
> Well the SSBBW´s both jobless and with lots of problems. I think that´s for sure the majority and not a minority. With 20% jobless in US and so many working poor and even more under the SSBBW population. As a european with a real welfare state as social cushion i never had contact with people driving a big car but leaving in a waste dump and wasting the money on useless things like in USA and not having money on an account. I really couldn´t understand it, life is much cheaper in US and still the ppl struggle a lot more. What i want to say if you date a jobless SSBBW no problem, relation big big problem, because all their problems will soon be yours, cause there are very little good paid jobs out there for SSBBW. And as heather said in the beginning SSBBW life is expensive, i am earning a bit above average now, but by far i can´t afford a good life for me and a SSBBW. If money would be no problem i may be able to stay with one, but i can´t. Would be much too much dedication, especially when kids also need to have a good life. Which in US is much harder than here.
> 
> All in all I wonder why there are so many SSBBW in US, well lifestyle makes them fat, but who would get nearly handicapped fat in a society that has little social security and depends completely on todays income? I simply don´t get it, in Europe fatness is not accepted as in US, but for living it would be easier here, as soon as the sell clothes and other stuff for SS people
> 
> Well both SSBBW friends are going to get a WLS soon, i don´t know if they really want to, but they have too, because nobody wants to help them anymore, begging all friends for money and one day nobody lends them anymore. Nearly a hopeless situation with their weight.
> One is a little golddigger in a relation with a loser who can´t earn enough to maintain her. The other one wasn´t married, had very bad luck, so she needs to take care of herself and thats hard being overweight like she is.
> 
> What i want to say, ladies get a rich guy who really can dedicate a lot or have a good and secure job. Otherwise 2 destroyed lifes will be the result. My BBW friends just have normal struggles like small woman have too. I would say max. 350 lbs at 5'5 is perfect, big enough for me to do all the funny things and don´t have a pervert dependence on the other.
> Well this is more for the beginners to think about it, before they get to close to somebody.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

SoVerySoft said:


> While I'm tempted to say more, I'll just say that you can't judge an entire population of individuals (SSBBWs) by the 2 that you have known. It's not much of a sampling.



It's likely that most SSBBW get one whiff of his astute "genius" and run like hell- hence, no opportunity to know more of them.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

bigsexy920 said:


> This whole post makes me think "ignorance is bliss"
> 
> It does make me wonder how many men really think this ???



Berna I have people think that same sort of thing about me....in the 250 range. I can work more than they do, be more independent than they are and raise three wonderful girls on my own....and it will never be "good enough" because they can't get their small minds past the fat/numbers. Ignorance about fat people is just plain ignorance about fat people and it can be found in both sexes.


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## Shosh

carrie_ult said:


> I dated 2 SSBBW and 3 girls well over 300 lbs. All at least known to the community, not to say famous. Well the BBW´s where completely okay, lot of fun and no limits.
> 
> Well the SSBBW´s both jobless and with lots of problems. I think that´s for sure the majority and not a minority. With 20% jobless in US and so many working poor and even more under the SSBBW population. As a european with a real welfare state as social cushion i never had contact with people driving a big car but leaving in a waste dump and wasting the money on useless things like in USA and not having money on an account. I really couldn´t understand it, life is much cheaper in US and still the ppl struggle a lot more. What i want to say if you date a jobless SSBBW no problem, relation big big problem, because all their problems will soon be yours, cause there are very little good paid jobs out there for SSBBW. And as heather said in the beginning SSBBW life is expensive, i am earning a bit above average now, but by far i can´t afford a good life for me and a SSBBW. If money would be no problem i may be able to stay with one, but i can´t. Would be much too much dedication, especially when kids also need to have a good life. Which in US is much harder than here.
> 
> All in all I wonder why there are so many SSBBW in US, well lifestyle makes them fat, but who would get nearly handicapped fat in a society that has little social security and depends completely on todays income? I simply don´t get it, in Europe fatness is not accepted as in US, but for living it would be easier here, as soon as the sell clothes and other stuff for SS people
> 
> Well both SSBBW friends are going to get a WLS soon, i don´t know if they really want to, but they have too, because nobody wants to help them anymore, begging all friends for money and one day nobody lends them anymore. Nearly a hopeless situation with their weight.
> One is a little golddigger in a relation with a loser who can´t earn enough to maintain her. The other one wasn´t married, had very bad luck, so she needs to take care of herself and thats hard being overweight like she is.
> 
> What i want to say, ladies get a rich guy who really can dedicate a lot or have a good and secure job. Otherwise 2 destroyed lifes will be the result. My BBW friends just have normal struggles like small woman have too. I would say max. 350 lbs at 5'5 is perfect, big enough for me to do all the funny things and don´t have a pervert dependence on the other.
> Well this is more for the beginners to think about it, before they get to close to somebody.



If being with a fat woman is such in inconvienience to you then why even bother?

Like men never get any kind of medical conditions as they get older, that would require the compassion and understanding of their partner?

If you love your partner you take care of each other come what may.

There are plenty of SSBBW's across the United States and the world that hold down long term steady employment, and contribute to society and the lives of their familes and loved ones.

It sounds to me like you are happy to be with a fat woman as long as she fits into your nice little package of what is convienient for you.

Love is not about convienience, it is about the desire of two souls to join and make a life of love and happiness together.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

(Sorry I reported his post, mods, I missed this next page of comments and the responses.)

Seriously - this is one of the most ignorant posts I have ever seen. And what AM says is critical: PLEASE DON'T DATE US. None of us want a man with a mindset like that.

I'm a 500-pound SSBBW with a job... and, dare I say it, a career. I rely on absolutely no man to provide for me. The most important thing in my supersized life is maintaining my independence, and I know that's true for a lot of my supersisters as well. If there's any aspect of our lives in which we have to start relying on other people, that's crushing for some of us, and something we avoid at all costs, NOT something we embrace or look for.

It SUCKS that, yes, it's hard for us to earn a living because of the size-related bigotry that is omnipresent in the working world today, but you know what? We do it. Some of us may not be rich or have everything you apparently think is necessary to classify someone as a human being, but we get by, many of us entirely on our own. 

Judging an entire category of people by what you know of just a few, isn't there a word for that? ...Oh, right. Prejudice. 

And this particular phrase:



> who would get nearly handicapped fat



sounds like we just all sat around going "I think it would be soooooo fun to weigh 500 pounds! Let me just start working on that with this box of ice cream sandwiches!"

Though I think you could argue tht most of us didn't, clearly there ARE people who make a conscious choice to be this size, and that is absolutely their choice. It doesn't mean they deserve any less respect, or any less of a life than everyone else. It also doesn't mean they aren't ready to step up and earn their own livings with or without a man in their lives. Those I know who have made that choice are fiercely independent (and employed), like me, and would hate it as much as I do if they had to rely on someone else. 

And those who DO want a lifestyle where someone else provides for them? Well, guess what - they deserve a lot more respect, too, than you have shown them in your post. Just because YOU can't provide a life for them doesn't mean there aren't other FAs in the wings waiting for the opportunity to take care of such a lovely woman. There are numerous FAs I know who (to be blunt) get off on the idea of being the one to take care of a spoiled-rotten princess type. And as long as it's mutual and consensual, it would probably be a hell of a lot of fun for both parties. 

So if you can't handle it, stop judging other people's lifestyle choices and situations and get the hell out of the way for other people who can't wait to be part of it.


----------



## tonynyc

carrie_ult said:


> I dated 2 SSBBW and 3 girls well over 300 lbs. All at least known to the community, not to say famous. Well the BBW´s where completely okay, lot of fun and no limits.
> 
> Well the SSBBW´s both jobless and with lots of problems. I think that´s for sure the majority and not a minority. With 20% jobless in US and so many working poor and even more under the SSBBW population. As a european with a real welfare state as social cushion i never had contact with people driving a big car but leaving in a waste dump and wasting the money on useless things like in USA and not having money on an account. I really couldn´t understand it, life is much cheaper in US and still the ppl struggle a lot more. What i want to say if you date a jobless SSBBW no problem, relation big big problem, because all their problems will soon be yours, cause there are very little good paid jobs out there for SSBBW. And as heather said in the beginning SSBBW life is expensive,* i am earning a bit above average now, but by far i can´t afford a good life for me and a SSBBW.* If money would be no problem i may be able to stay with one, but i can´t. Would be much too much dedication, especially when kids also need to have a good life. Which in US is much harder than here.
> 
> All in all I wonder why there are so many SSBBW in US, well lifestyle makes them fat, but who would get nearly handicapped fat in a society that has little social security and depends completely on todays income? I simply don´t get it, in Europe fatness is not accepted as in US, but for living it would be easier here, as soon as the sell clothes and other stuff for SS people
> 
> Well both SSBBW friends are going to get a WLS soon, i don´t know if they really want to, but they have too, because nobody wants to help them anymore, begging all friends for money and one day nobody lends them anymore. Nearly a hopeless situation with their weight.
> One is a little golddigger in a relation with a loser who can´t earn enough to maintain her. The other one wasn´t married, had very bad luck, so she needs to take care of herself and thats hard being overweight like she is.
> 
> What i want to say, ladies get a rich guy who really can dedicate a lot or have a good and secure job. Otherwise 2 destroyed lifes will be the result. My BBW friends just have normal struggles like small woman have too. I would say max. 350 lbs at 5'5 is perfect, big enough for me to do all the funny things and don´t have a pervert dependence on the other.
> Well this is more for the beginners to think about it, before they get to close to somebody.



I bet you'll be a hit with the ladies here... Have you given though to supplementing your income by working at home....


----------



## liz (di-va)

carrie_ult said:


> 350 lbs at 5'5 is perfect, big enough for me to do all the funny things and don´t have a pervert dependence on the other.


:smitten: ..........


----------



## carrie_ult

Well for all the SSBBW with a job and without handicaps... this was not ment for you. But the rest was just a reality check and i think you all know it very well. It´s obvious that a jobless person, nearly unable to work (not everybody can do computer jobs or whatever) have really big problems and somebody should think twice before dating such a person if he can dedicate enough to her. I hope you understand that, well maybe it´s egoistic, because i don´t spend every Cent i have left on my partner but sorry i prefer to have a life too. It has to go together, and it didn´t, i tried it and got only abused the worst way. Don´t want to go into details, but i helped somebody out of a very big misery for one year. Was the most stupid thing i ever did. Therefore no jobless people dating. Any BBW or SSBBW which causes just normal problems in a relationship is very welcome. I am not a social worker and don´t wanna be.


----------



## Rowan

So THATS why I havent been able to find another job yet after being laid off. Here I thought it was the economy...not that Im a SSBBW! Thanks so much for clearing that up for me...guess I better start working on being anorexic to fix this! 



carrie_ult said:


> I dated 2 SSBBW and 3 girls well over 300 lbs. All at least known to the community, not to say famous. Well the BBW´s where completely okay, lot of fun and no limits.
> 
> Well the SSBBW´s both jobless and with lots of problems. I think that´s for sure the majority and not a minority. With 20% jobless in US and so many working poor and even more under the SSBBW population. As a european with a real welfare state as social cushion i never had contact with people driving a big car but leaving in a waste dump and wasting the money on useless things like in USA and not having money on an account. I really couldn´t understand it, life is much cheaper in US and still the ppl struggle a lot more. What i want to say if you date a jobless SSBBW no problem, relation big big problem, because all their problems will soon be yours, cause there are very little good paid jobs out there for SSBBW. And as heather said in the beginning SSBBW life is expensive, i am earning a bit above average now, but by far i can´t afford a good life for me and a SSBBW. If money would be no problem i may be able to stay with one, but i can´t. Would be much too much dedication, especially when kids also need to have a good life. Which in US is much harder than here.
> 
> All in all I wonder why there are so many SSBBW in US, well lifestyle makes them fat, but who would get nearly handicapped fat in a society that has little social security and depends completely on todays income? I simply don´t get it, in Europe fatness is not accepted as in US, but for living it would be easier here, as soon as the sell clothes and other stuff for SS people
> 
> Well both SSBBW friends are going to get a WLS soon, i don´t know if they really want to, but they have too, because nobody wants to help them anymore, begging all friends for money and one day nobody lends them anymore. Nearly a hopeless situation with their weight.
> One is a little golddigger in a relation with a loser who can´t earn enough to maintain her. The other one wasn´t married, had very bad luck, so she needs to take care of herself and thats hard being overweight like she is.
> 
> What i want to say, ladies get a rich guy who really can dedicate a lot or have a good and secure job. Otherwise 2 destroyed lifes will be the result. My BBW friends just have normal struggles like small woman have too. I would say max. 350 lbs at 5'5 is perfect, big enough for me to do all the funny things and don´t have a pervert dependence on the other.
> Well this is more for the beginners to think about it, before they get to close to somebody.


----------



## Rowan

carrie_ult said:


> Well for all the SSBBW with a job and without handicaps... this was not ment for you. But the rest was just a reality check and i think you all know it very well. *It´s obvious that a jobless person, nearly unable to work (not everybody can do computer jobs or whatever) have really big problems and somebody should think twice before dating such a person if he can dedicate enough to her.* I hope you understand that, well maybe it´s egoistic, because i don´t spend every Cent i have left on my partner but sorry i prefer to have a life too. It has to go together, and it didn´t, i tried it and got only abused the worst way. Don´t want to go into details, but i helped somebody out of a very big misery for one year. Was the most stupid thing i ever did. Therefore no jobless people dating. Any BBW or SSBBW which causes just normal problems in a relationship is very welcome. I am not a social worker and don´t wanna be.



Wow....that is unbelievably ignorant of you to say.


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## CarlaSixx

My mother and I are both SSbBWs. I'm incredibly independant. I go to concerts, walk like hell, do all the errands for my household, etc. I keep up with my lighter friends and they're not only thinner but almost a foot taller than me. And I'm an SSBBW. Imagine that. 

Also, I have a job. I have one of the highest paying "Everyman" jobs in my city and I'm good at this job. My mother works at the same place as me, too. Sure, she's walking around with a rolling walker, but she does as much as she can by herself before ever asking for help. Yes, she is considered physically handicapped and yes, a lot of people would be quick to assume it's her weight, but she's still working, still drives on her own, still does whatever she can around the house alone, and is doing alright. Her problem is osteoarthritis. NOT fatness. 

For a man to assume I'm helpless because I'm fat and am therefore looking for a knight in shining armour has another thing coming. I am NOT helpless. And I CAN keep up with a man, if not completely outdo him. 

I'm a tough challenge. Because while I can still do most things with ease, there will be moments where I can't go on without taking a break. This is frustrating to those around me and involved with me sometimes. But you know what, if you care, you'll put up with the few times I need to ask to have a minute or two of rest before getting back to work.


----------



## Dromond

carrie_ult said:


> Well for all the SSBBW with a job and without handicaps... this was not ment for you. But the rest was just a reality check and i think you all know it very well. It´s obvious that a jobless person, nearly unable to work (not everybody can do computer jobs or whatever) have really big problems and somebody should think twice before dating such a person if he can dedicate enough to her. I hope you understand that, well maybe it´s egoistic, because i don´t spend every Cent i have left on my partner but sorry i prefer to have a life too. It has to go together, and it didn´t, i tried it and got only abused the worst way. Don´t want to go into details, but i helped somebody out of a very big misery for one year. Was the most stupid thing i ever did. Therefore no jobless people dating. Any BBW or SSBBW which causes just normal problems in a relationship is very welcome. I am not a social worker and don´t wanna be.



I'm probably going to get infracted for this, and this post will end up being deleted, but I believe it is necessary for the truth to be told:

You're a dick.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

carrie_ult said:


> Well for all the SSBBW with a job and without handicaps... this was not ment for you. But the rest was just a reality check and i think you all know it very well. It´s obvious that a jobless person, nearly unable to work (not everybody can do computer jobs or whatever) have really big problems and somebody should think twice before dating such a person if he can dedicate enough to her. I hope you understand that, well maybe it´s egoistic, because i don´t spend every Cent i have left on my partner but sorry i prefer to have a life too. It has to go together, and it didn´t, i tried it and got only abused the worst way. Don´t want to go into details, but i helped somebody out of a very big misery for one year. Was the most stupid thing i ever did. Therefore no jobless people dating. Any BBW or SSBBW which causes just normal problems in a relationship is very welcome. I am not a social worker and don´t wanna be.



The fact that you can help someone you (ostensibly) cared about for a year and then regret it says more about YOU than about her. The place you were giving from was not a selfless one, if you can wish you hadn't done it because you didn't get out of it whatever you expected to, and who knows what that was. Did she dump you after a year? Sounds like it. Your posts are not "warnings" to other FAs - they're only sour grapes. 

If you don't want to date disabled people because you're too selfish to want to deal with the financial issues that come along with that, _that's your problem._ But being too selfish to date disabled people and not wanting to date SSBBWs are two completely separate issues. 



> well maybe it´s egoistic



It is.


----------



## ashmamma84

carrie_ult said:


> Well for all the SSBBW with a job and without handicaps... this was not ment for you. But the rest was just a reality check and i think you all know it very well. It´s obvious that a jobless person, nearly unable to work (not everybody can do computer jobs or whatever) have really big problems and somebody should think twice before dating such a person if he can dedicate enough to her. I hope you understand that, well maybe it´s egoistic, because i don´t spend every Cent i have left on my partner but sorry i prefer to have a life too. It has to go together, and it didn´t, i tried it and got only abused the worst way. Don´t want to go into details, but i helped somebody out of a very big misery for one year. Was the most stupid thing i ever did. Therefore no jobless people dating. Any BBW or SSBBW which causes just normal problems in a relationship is very welcome. I am not a social worker and don´t wanna be.



I can appreciate your honesty, even if I consider it to be in bad taste. You supported someone for a very long time because you wanted to - that was your hard earned money and time spent. You could have said no. Instead you went on helping her out. If it was such misery like you said it was why did you continue to help? I know personally that if something makes me unhappy or miserable and I feel like I'm being used, I stop whatever it is that's causing the issue because I like a degree of control over my life. And I really hope you didn't hold your helping her out over her head like you were some Captain Save A SSBBW. I really hope you didn't because that's pretty reprehensible.

As long as you stay away from SSBBWs or are at least very upfront about how you feel re: unemployment, financial dependence, etc then no problem. Just don't go getting involved with a super fatty and then not giving her a choice about whether or not she wants to even be involved with YOU. 

I'm not against people having a right to choose who they want to date. I have my own set of requirements and that does include GAINFUL employment, since I have that myself, however given the state of the US economy its rough for lots and lots of Americans. Not just the super fat among us. Being in a long term relationship, the couple will probably experience loss or change of a career and it could result in less (sometimes dramatically less) income. Is that a reason to leave? Not necessarily. Not for me, at least. 

I can understand when you're first dating and everything is fresh not desiring a partner who doesn't have a career, but in a marriage/committed relationship things most definitely will change. The question is not if, but when. I wouldn't my partner to just leave me because I lost my job through no fault of my own. That's a pretty low thing to do, especially if I was making an effort to find another one. Wouldn't you want someone to do the same for you? Because the truth is, a job isn't promised to anyone - at least not anyone that I know. Your income could dry up and then what? Would you want someone passing judgement on you even if your situation was temporary? 

Anyway, I say all that to say - if you have issues with American SSBBWs don't date them. It's really simple. And if you do find yourself in a relationship with another SSBBW, don't come to a message board and talk shit about them because things went sour.


----------



## carrie_ult

Ashmamma84, reading your words sounds like you really know what i was talking about. It is as you say. Except of captain SSBBW stuff and we just had a friendship, i am not interested in woman fooling around with others. 
Maybe i am wrong and i had just bad luck, some say LA women are like that, anyway i learned my lesson and that´s it. Wouldn´t haven´t posted it, already knew how the community would react, but a certain BBW convinced me i should write it. That´s it.


----------



## op user

One would have to agree that it is easier for a conventionally attractive lady (i.e. normal weight) to find a job. A SSBBW applying for a job is confronted with a higher obstacle to land a decent job. 

For any carrier SSBBW here (my respect and jealously going to them) here there are scores of ladies that have been turned down because of their weight. Our fellow member might be right although we don't know the specific details. 

However the issue is whether he would have done the same thing for a non SSBBW lady.

op user


----------



## Webmaster

carrie_ult said:


> Maybe i am wrong and i had just bad luck...



Yes, you are wrong. Very wrong. Rudeness, tactlessness, and sheer mental cruelty are always wrong. You take and consume what women have to give, then whine and cry when things don't go your way. And then have the audacity to lecture people and the place they live in. Another rude peep out of you, and you are out of here for good and forever.


----------



## WVMountainrear

carrie_ult said:


> Ashmamma84, reading your words sounds like you really know what i was talking about.



I think we all know what you were talking about. But in the process you equated *all* SSBBWs to unemployed, begging worthless sub-human beings. And as Ashmamma84 said, it's fine to relay your experience if that was your experience. But to then take that limited interaction with two women and extrapolate that to an entire group of people is the kind of prejudice and sizism that this site is set up against. You're wrong to do that, and the fact that you did just displays your ignorance.



carrie_ult said:


> Except of captain SSBBW stuff and we just had a friendship, i am not interested in woman fooling around with others.



If you weren't interested in her and you only had a friendship, why did you begin by framing your first post in the context of your "relationships" with BBWs and SSBBWs, and why did you spend a year and all of that money and time and effort on her? At least be honest.



carrie_ult said:


> Maybe i am wrong and i had just bad luck, some say LA women are like that, anyway i learned my lesson and that´s it.



You are both wrong *and* it sounds like you _may_ have had some bad luck-- at any rate, the thing that is perfectly clear is that you made poor decisions based upon what you had and what you were looking for...as Ashmamma84 also pointed out, you should have cut ties and run long before you did if you were unhappy with what you had. Don't, by your decisions, drag something on for a year and then blame her entirely for the things you voluntarily chose to do during the course of that year. 

And "some say" a lot of shit about a lot of different things. I will say again, overgeneralizing an entire sector of the population based upon your bad interaction with two individuals is idiotic and prejudiced.



carrie_ult said:


> Wouldn´t haven´t posted it, already knew how the community would react, but a certain BBW convinced me i should write it. That´s it.



So the year you spent in a bad relationship is entirely the SSBBW's fault and the post was a certain BBW's fault. Sounds like you need to take some personal responsibility for your actions and stop letting women-- or the parts of your anatomy that respond to said women-- think for you.

And, yes, before I'm accused of only being offended because I'm someone like the SSBBW you referenced, I will say proudly that I am an American SSBBW who is well educated and well respected within my career field. I don't rely on anyone to "take care of me" in any way, shape, or form. I'm active, I have my own house, my own car, and my own things, *and* I maintain them-- both financially and through sweat equity-- on my own. I'm certainly not handicapped, I'm certainly not a golddigger, and I certainly wouldn't date someone like you. So perhaps your problem is that this shining personality you've displayed just doesn't attract and hold the attention of QUALITY women of any size. Quality is not always affected by quantity. And some of us are blessed enough to have both.


----------



## Victim

The only way you are going to find a decent person is to be one yourself.


----------



## AnnMarie

op user said:


> One would have to agree that it is easier for a conventionally attractive lady (i.e. normal weight) to find a job. A SSBBW applying for a job is confronted with a higher obstacle to land a decent job.




This really is only for certain jobs, certain places, etc. 

In my interviewing life, I have only not been offered a position 3 times, and none of those instances had a thing to do with weight (I know that, yes) - it was about skill set/good fit, etc. I have had at least 6 jobs, and multiple positions (promotions) at each company. 

I'm not taking issue with you, but I did want to put it out there that not every single fat person out there looking for work is having an issue and that skills/personality/history in your field are also a large part of how you present yourself - not to mention confidence in yourself. 

It's just not as cut and dry as "fat=hard to find work" at all.


----------



## carrie_ult

Webmaster said:


> Yes, you are wrong. Very wrong. Rudeness, tactlessness, and sheer mental cruelty are always wrong. You take and consume what women have to give, then whine and cry when things don't go your way. And then have the audacity to lecture people and the place they live in. Another rude peep out of you, and you are out of here for good and forever.



You can kick me out whenever you want, i asked you 2 years ago for that and you didn´t.


----------



## Chimpi

carrie_ult said:


> Well for all the SSBBW with a job and without handicaps... this was not ment for you. But the rest was just a reality check and i think you all know it very well. It´s obvious that a jobless person, nearly unable to work (not everybody can do computer jobs or whatever) have really big problems and somebody should think twice before dating such a person if he can dedicate enough to her. I hope you understand that, well maybe it´s egoistic, because i don´t spend every Cent i have left on my partner but sorry i prefer to have a life too. It has to go together, and it didn´t, i tried it and got only abused the worst way. Don´t want to go into details, but i helped somebody out of a very big misery for one year. Was the most stupid thing i ever did. Therefore no jobless people dating. Any BBW or SSBBW which causes just normal problems in a relationship is very welcome. I am not a social worker and don´t wanna be.



Your post(s) are less a warning and more a reminder of why I'm better off for who I am. I do not justify a persons existence or merit a persons worth due to their job/career. In fact, there are many people holding outstanding jobs and fulfilling their career dreams that I inherently loathe. A persons worth is merited by their personality, their actions, their views, their judgments (or lack thereof). A good person is a good person. A financially secured individual is not necessarily worthwhile just because they have the means to support themselves (and one of those begging, helpless, troublesome SSBBW's....). The fact that you have helped someone out in your past that you [at the time] cared for and made sure that they were comfortable is admirable. However, as BigBeautifulMe said (and said very, very, very well  ), "The fact that you can help someone you (ostensibly) cared about for a year and then regret it says more about YOU than about her."
It seems wrong to me to regret doing good things for people. Naturally, there are exceptions to every rule, but I consider a person in high character when they selflessly love, selflessly devote, selflessly care for, etc... It's part of being a decent human being.

I'd be more than willing - enthusiastic - to devote my life to a very fat woman whom I loved; financially supporting them in any way, emotionally supporting them, physically supporting them, and much more, whether she needed it or not. But hey, I guess that's just me. You, carrie_ult, do not speak for me.


----------



## LillyBBBW

carrie_ult said:


> Ashmamma84, reading your words sounds like you really know what i was talking about. It is as you say. Except of captain SSBBW stuff and we just had a friendship, i am not interested in woman fooling around with others.
> Maybe i am wrong and i had just bad luck, some say LA women are like that, anyway* i learned my lesson *and that´s it. Wouldn´t haven´t posted it, already knew how the community would react, but a certain BBW convinced me i should write it. That´s it.



Oh man, you need to stop. You didn't learn a shit assed thing. Why can't you just come clean with yourself and just admit that you got conned by a couple of proffessionals and you fell for it for a year? It happens all the time to all kinds of people and anybody is capable of doing this to you. SSBBWs dont own the patent on taking advantage of men for money. You think if you date a smaller woman she will be less or more likely to take you for a ride? You are profiling women under the wrong criteria. Anyone is capable of this. You got conned. Stop fooling yourself with, "Oh it was those pesky SSBBWs again!!" If you don't look at what went wrong in a realistic manner instead of objectifying body types and circumstantial rhetoric you are in danger of being taken again by some other person using the same tired techniques that you failed to recognized because you were so busy measuring asses. If after reading all these articulated testimonies you're still cleaving to your assurances that it was the fat that ripped you off then you've learned nothing at all.


----------



## carrie_ult

lovelylady78 said:


> I think we all know what you were talking about. But in the process you equated *all* SSBBWs to unemployed, begging worthless sub-human beings. And as Ashmamma84 said, it's fine to relay your experience if that was your experience. But to then take that limited interaction with two women and extrapolate that to an entire group of people is the kind of prejudice and sizism that this site is set up against. You're wrong to do that, and the fact that you did just displays your ignorance.
> 
> 
> 
> If you weren't interested in her and you only had a friendship, why did you begin by framing your first post in the context of your "relationships" with BBWs and SSBBWs, and why did you spend a year and all of that money and time and effort on her? At least be honest.
> 
> 
> 
> You are both wrong *and* it sounds like you _may_ have had some bad luck-- at any rate, the thing that is perfectly clear is that you made poor decisions based upon what you had and what you were looking for...as Ashmamma84 also pointed out, you should have cut ties and run long before you did if you were unhappy with what you had. Don't, by your decisions, drag something on for a year and then blame her entirely for the things you voluntarily chose to do during the course of that year.
> 
> And "some say" a lot of shit about a lot of different things. I will say again, overgeneralizing an entire sector of the population based upon your bad interaction with two individuals is idiotic and prejudiced.
> 
> 
> 
> So the year you spent in a bad relationship is entirely the SSBBW's fault and the post was a certain BBW's fault. Sounds like you need to take some personal responsibility for your actions and stop letting women-- or the parts of your anatomy that respond to said women-- think for you.
> 
> And, yes, before I'm accused of only being offended because I'm someone like the SSBBW you referenced, I will say proudly that I am an American SSBBW who is well educated and well respected within my career field. I don't rely on anyone to "take care of me" in any way, shape, or form. I'm active, I have my own house, my own car, and my own things, *and* I maintain them-- both financially and through sweat equity-- on my own. I'm certainly not handicapped, I'm certainly not a golddigger, and I certainly wouldn't date someone like you. So perhaps your problem is that this shining personality you've displayed just doesn't attract and hold the attention of QUALITY women of any size. Quality is not always affected by quantity. And some of us are blessed enough to have both.



No i didn´t. I said handicapped, and SSBBW is not equal to handicapped or close too. I have no problems with SSBBW people, but i will not try to have an relation with a jobless problemcausing SSBBW anymore. If anybody critizes that, well not everybody is as tolerant as you. It is my life and i can´t dedicate enough for such a relation, would cause me bankrupcy too. So what should i do???? 

We had no sexual relation despite she also wanted, but i don´t sleep with woman who have a bf. She begged for help... and at the beginning of course i was interested in more not knowing of a bf, but she came up with a lot of lies anyway at that time i already lost my interest, but i knew the kids and they deserve better, they didn´t even had clothes without holes. She is ashamed too. I wasn´t able to deal with that unprepared as i was. I mean lots of ppl have so much problems in US they see no more future and forget their ethics. This was like beeing in the 1st world and at the same time in the 3rd world. I wouldn´t be so proud of that country and rethink a bit what the state is doing to those kids living under the poverty line. 
Nothing to do with BBW, she is jobless for other reason too, laziness maybe. 

Well and my other experience has a hard time to get up on her feet again, and damn this one is a well known member here, i helped out too. Don´t know if anybody here even recognized it that somebody in this great community had really big problems, cause to me it looks like everybody is super well and then comes the big suprise when somebody makes suicide or whatever. I am so glad everybody leaves in the perfect world.

Well as you said i should have stopped long before, in order to protect myself i will never again date jobless woman with a lot of problems. Further i am not fixed on SSBBW anyway. I love their bodies and appreciate woman of size but i don´t think i will find one, especially when you don´t want to live in USA. So end of the story, i am sorry but it´s about dating a SSBBW and that was my experience. I can write something positive but she was a bit below the SSBBW line i think.. what a great woman.


----------



## WVMountainrear

LillyBBBW said:


> Oh man, you need to stop. You didn't learn a shit assed thing. Why can't you just come clean with yourself and just admit that you got conned by a couple of proffessionals and you fell for it for a year? It happens all the time to all kinds of people and anybody is capable of doing this to you. SSBBWs dont own the patent on taking advantage of men for money. You think if you date a smaller woman she will be less or more likely to take you for a ride? You are profiling women under the wrong criteria. Anyone is capable of this. You got conned. Stop fooling yourself with, "Oh it was those pesky SSBBWs again!!" If you don't look at what went wrong in a realistic manner instead of objectifying body types and circumstantial rhetoric you are in danger of being taken again by some other person using the same tired techniques that you failed to recognized because you were so busy measuring asses. If after reading all these articulated testimonies you're still cleaving to your assurances that it was the fat that ripped you off then you've learned nothing at all.



I love *ALL* of this.


----------



## carrie_ult

LillyBBBW said:


> Oh man, you need to stop. You didn't learn a shit assed thing. Why can't you just come clean with yourself and just admit that you got conned by a couple of proffessionals and you fell for it for a year? It happens all the time to all kinds of people and anybody is capable of doing this to you. SSBBWs dont own the patent on taking advantage of men for money. You think if you date a smaller woman she will be less or more likely to take you for a ride? You are profiling women under the wrong criteria. Anyone is capable of this. You got conned. Stop fooling yourself with, "Oh it was those pesky SSBBWs again!!" If you don't look at what went wrong in a realistic manner instead of objectifying body types and circumstantial rhetoric you are in danger of being taken again by some other person using the same tired techniques that you failed to recognized because you were so busy measuring asses. If after reading all these articulated testimonies you're still cleaving to your assurances that it was the fat that ripped you off then you've learned nothing at all.



Well i am not sure, but if you are right that this was her intention from the beginning, i don´t think so because i met the family too. Anyway i will never date anyone with problems again, for exactly that reason, to protect myself. 

Well admin, you may delete everything. Nice discussion, maybe i was wrong.


----------



## AnnMarie

carrie_ult said:


> We had no sexual relation despite she also wanted, but i don´t sleep with woman who have a bf. She begged for help... and at the beginning of course i was interested in more not knowing of a bf....
> Nothing to do with BBW, she is jobless for other reason too, laziness maybe.
> 
> 
> ...So end of the story, i am sorry but it´s about dating a SSBBW and that was my experience.




Your own words - you weren't dating that woman, she had a boyfriend and used you for money. She's a jerk and you were a sucker - that's not about size, that's about a perfect mingling of user and pawn. 

Just like Lilly said, you got played and did it all on your own - get over it.


----------



## LillyBBBW

carrie_ult said:


> Well i am not sure, but if you are right that this was her intention from the beginning, i don´t think so because i met the family too. Anyway i will never date anyone with problems again, for exactly that reason, to protect myself.
> 
> Well admin, you may delete everything. Nice discussion, maybe i was wrong.



Look, I've been taken advantage of by people before too. I'm a good person and I don't want to see anyone suffer. There are people who by their very nature are just prone to let things go and rely on enablers to pick up the tab. Sometimes you have to learn to say 'No' and let them hit rock bottom. They may not seem like they've got a sinister agenda against you but neither will the next person you meet. I'm a healthy SSBBW and I know lots of unhealthy SSBBWs who aren't doing this to people. What they did to you came from a place in the mind that aflicts a lot of people, not just SSBBWs. There are plenty of us SSBBWs out there taking care of ourselves, bum knees and all.


----------



## WVMountainrear

carrie_ult said:


> No i didn´t. I said handicapped, and SSBBW is not equal to handicapped or close too. I have no problems with SSBBW people, but i will not try to have an relation with a jobless problemcausing SSBBW anymore. If anybody critizes that, well not everybody is as tolerant as you. It is my life and i can´t dedicate enough for such a relation, would cause me bankrupcy too. So what should i do????
> 
> We had no sexual relation despite she also wanted, but i don´t sleep with woman who have a bf. She begged for help... and at the beginning of course i was interested in more not knowing of a bf, but she came up with a lot of lies anyway at that time i already lost my interest, but i knew the kids and they deserve better, they didn´t even had clothes without holes. She is ashamed too. I wasn´t able to deal with that unprepared as i was. I mean lots of ppl have so much problems in US they see no more future and forget their ethics. This was like beeing in the 1st world and at the same time in the 3rd world. I wouldn´t be so proud of that country and rethink a bit what the state is doing to those kids living under the poverty line.
> Nothing to do with BBW, she is jobless for other reason too, laziness maybe.
> 
> Well and my other experience has a hard time to get up on her feet again, and damn this one is a well known member here, i helped out too. Don´t know if anybody here even recognized it that somebody in this great community had really big problems, cause to me it looks like everybody is super well and then comes the big suprise when somebody makes suicide or whatever. I am so glad everybody leaves in the perfect world.
> 
> Well as you said i should have stopped long before, in order to protect myself i will never again date jobless woman with a lot of problems. Further i am not fixed on SSBBW anyway. I love their bodies and appreciate woman of size but i don´t think i will find one, especially when you don´t want to live in USA. So end of the story, i am sorry but it´s about dating a SSBBW and that was my experience. I can write something positive but she was a bit below the SSBBW line i think.. what a great woman.



I never said you were wrong for sharing your particular experiences...in fact, I said quite the opposite. Nor did I say that everyone in America or everyone on Dimensions is a pillar of any community. But what I *DID* say was that taking your experiences with two people and assuming an entire subset of the population and/or an entire country is to blame for the experience you had is foolish and flat out WRONG. What LillyBBW said is absolutely true. There's a sob story available out there for people of every shape, size, nationality, color, creed, etc. and con artists, golddiggers, and lazy women who don't want to work-- just like handicapped women who legitimately can't work-- don't just come in a neat SSBBW package. So explore your own thought processes (including the well stated and well taken points of BigBeautifulMe and Chimpi) before you make misinformed, ignorant generalizations about people.

(Also, as an American and as a human being, I worry less about what the "state" does to children and more about what their parents do to them. Again, that's an issue of assuming responsibility for yourself and your own and not expecting someone-- whether it be an individual like you or an inefficient welfare system-- to do it for them.)

Also, if you don't wish to be a member of this community, perhaps instead of begging for Conrad to ban you, you should simply consider logging out and never logging in again. But then, of course, you couldn't complain later that the evil Webmaster kicked you out of the forum just for "innocently" stating "facts." And what would you do if there was no one to blame but yourself??

And I should probably excuse myself from this particular conversation at this point. I tried not to allow myself to get involved in it to begin with, but I was too weak to fight the urge to respond.


----------



## Blackjack

carrie_ult said:


> maybe i was wrong.



Except two days from now you won't think this.

If you don't feel welcome here after spewing such bullshit, you're more than welcome to leave. It's as easy as _just not coming back_. Makes a hell of a lot more sense than thinking yourself a martyr by insulting half the people here and then daring the site owner to ban your ass.


----------



## tonynyc

op user said:


> *One would have to agree that it is easier for a conventionally attractive lady (i.e. normal weight) to find a job*. A SSBBW applying for a job is confronted with a higher obstacle to land a decent job.
> 
> For any carrier SSBBW here (my respect and jealously going to them) here there are scores of ladies that have been turned down because of their weight. Our fellow member might be right although we don't know the specific details.
> 
> However the issue is whether he would have done the same thing for a non SSBBW lady.
> 
> op user



Job market is tough whether one is thin or not- a good deal depends where you are working back office vs. sales and in an employers market there are so many factors that can disqualify someone other than weight...


----------



## tonynyc

carrie_ult said:


> Well i am not sure, but if you are right that this was her intention from the beginning, i don´t think so because i met the family too. Anyway i will never date anyone with problems again, for exactly that reason, to protect myself.
> 
> Well admin, you may delete everything. Nice discussion, *maybe i was wrong*.



No maybes here.....


----------



## superodalisque

tonynyc said:


> Job market is tough whether one is thin or not- a good deal depends where you are working back office vs. sales and in an employers market there are so many factors that can disqualify someone other than weight...



i agree. as a super i have almost never been turned down for a job i got an interview for. education experience and behaving professionally is not based on size. its not size thats the real problem but the lack of preparation and sometimes just plain bad luck. any woman waiting around on her hindquaters for someone to rescue them can end up in the same place.


----------



## tonynyc

superodalisque said:


> i agree. as a super i have almost never been turned down for a job i got an interview for. *education experience* and behaving professionally is not based on size. its not size thats the real problem but the lack of preparation and sometimes just plain bad *luck*. any woman waiting around on her hindquaters for someone to rescue them can end up in the same place.



I highlighted your three points that pretty much sums it up.... I cannot speak as to how where education plays a part in places outside the US -but, it often plays a big role here.... For certain degrees - unless one is coming from a Top School - they don't even look at you ... Then the Experience ... who have you worked for cause there is a certain bias to some job sectors and of course you have to have Luck - absent being born into the right circles...


----------



## Webmaster

carrie_ult said:


> You can kick me out whenever you want, i asked you 2 years ago for that and you didn´t.



My bad. Done. Auf Nimmerwiedersehen.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

Webmaster said:


> My bad. Done. Auf Nimmerwiedersehen.



YAY!  Thank you, Chief. :bow:

*_And there was much rejoicing!_*


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## snuggletiger

Auf Nimmerwiedersehen? I know that isn't Danke Schoen


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## Mikey

lovelylady78 said:


> This clearly wins the award for the most ignorant post I have read since being a member of this community. Congratulations.



I agree 250%!!!


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## Eclectic_Girl

Auf Wiedersehen = Until I see you again
Nimmer = never


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## CleverBomb

Webmaster said:


> My bad. Done. Auf Nimmerwiedersehen.


One has to love the way German lets you compound words to say exactly what you mean, in one fell swoop. 

-Rusty


----------



## Never2fat4me

So, to get us back on topic now that nimrod - or would that be nimmer-rod now?  - is gone, I for one would like to say that the best "reality" of dating an SSBBW is getting a big hug when you come home at the end of the day! Nothing feels like being enveloped in the arms of a warm, soft, lovely woman.

Chris


----------



## Webmaster

CleverBomb said:


> One has to love the way German lets you compound words to say exactly what you mean, in one fell swoop.



Yes, that is definitely true.

I can tell you, though, that the way the Germans use and incorporate English words can be quite befuddling (and often humorous). If you read a German paper or magazine these days, half the headlines seem slightly Germanized English words, or they simply build English words into German, very much opposite to what the French do (they avoid English words like the plague).

It gets even worse in computer terminology where sometimes they use an actual German word and other times they simply use ours. For example, a word processor is a Text Verarbeiter and an interface a Schnittstelle, but then they use "downloading" or "texting," so I never quite know what the going custom is.

But to return to the topic of this thread, everyone's reality of dating a SSBBW is different. One person's issues are another person's pleasures. As adults we know that absolutely everything has a price, a consequence, a reality, and a good part of being adult, as opposed to being a child, is learning how to deal with reality. 

Me, I am thoroughly and totally in love with BBWs and SSBBWs, and the reality is even better than the fantasy. It's a complete package, one that has enriched my life, and one that I'd never want to be without.


----------



## snuggletiger

Eclectic_Girl said:


> Auf Wiedersehen = Until I see you again
> Nimmer = never



Thanks  thats a great quote


----------



## Jes

Webmaster said:


> one that I'd never want to be without.



Have you ever been without?


----------



## TimeTraveller

liz (di-va) said:


> I don't care if others have already said it, I gotta say it too:
> 
> We -- fat women -- aren't fantasy. I know what's being sold in the paysite world can confuse matters for people who don't see past it, but fat women aren't an erotic construct. (Are all thin women a fantasy because there is porn with some of them in it?) Fat women are everywhere, all around you, going to concerts, swimming, whatever. Do you see them?
> 
> Nor is fat a "lifestyle," nor do people choose it--for the vast majority of folks. It's just who you are.
> 
> Dare to link up the images you see with the real people around you.


My wife doesn't understand my fascination with and attraction to her obesity, although she's quick to add she's very happy I find her very fat figure incredibly alluring. She has mixed emotions about her weight. She didn't choose to be supersize, and she regards her fat as something that's simply there and gets in her way sometimes. Her weight also tires her out. On the other hand, she accepts her size because it's part of who she is, and she likes who she is, so for that reason she has positive feelings about being fat.

We've known each other since grade school, I've seen her grow from a fat little girl to a very fat woman. I've loved her every step of the way, not because she's very fat and very sexy but because she's a wonderful woman who happens to have huge jiggly curves in all the right places. I do whatever I can to make her life easier, happier and more fat friendly. Although her fat may be something that's simply there, I embrace it with open arms, as often as possible. :smitten:


----------



## joswitch

carrie_ult said:


> Well for all the SSBBW with a job and without handicaps... this was not ment for you. But the rest was just a reality check and i think you all know it very well. It´s obvious that a jobless person, nearly unable to work (not everybody can do computer jobs or whatever) have really big problems and somebody should think twice before dating such a person if he can dedicate enough to her. I hope you understand that, well maybe it´s egoistic, because i don´t spend every Cent i have left on my partner but sorry i prefer to have a life too. It has to go together, and it didn´t, i tried it and got only abused the worst way. Don´t want to go into details, but i helped somebody out of a very big misery for one year. Was the most stupid thing i ever did. *Therefore no jobless people dating.* Any BBW or SSBBW which causes just normal problems in a relationship is very welcome. I am not a social worker and don´t wanna be.



Dude. I'm pretty sure english is your second? or third language? So you may be unaware of how many ways you insulted people with your first post in this thread. But, yeah, you might want to run your stuff through google translate.

Oh. Wait. He later said he KNEW he was being insulting!  And now he's been banned, anyway. So - too late.


The ONLY point of yours I'm going to touch on is this, if you'd just said: 

"I don't want to support someone else - so (now) I only date women who have a job."

Without all the other shiz.
Then you'd probably have been OK.
Given that the reverse is something I've seen posted on DIMs many times.


----------



## joswitch

LillyBBBW said:


> Oh man, you need to stop. You didn't learn a shit assed thing. Why can't you just come clean with yourself and just admit that you got conned by a couple of proffessionals and you fell for it for a year? It happens all the time to all kinds of people and anybody is capable of doing this to you. SSBBWs dont own the patent on taking advantage of men for money. You think if you date a smaller woman she will be less or more likely to take you for a ride? You are profiling women under the wrong criteria. Anyone is capable of this. You got conned. Stop fooling yourself with, "Oh it was those pesky SSBBWs again!!" If you don't look at what went wrong in a realistic manner instead of objectifying body types and circumstantial rhetoric you are in danger of being taken again by some other person using the same tired techniques that you failed to recognized because you were so busy measuring asses. If after reading all these articulated testimonies you're still cleaving to your assurances that it was the fat that ripped you off then you've learned nothing at all.



Good point, well made.


----------



## joswitch

snuggletiger said:


> Auf Nimmerwiedersehen? I know that isn't Danke Schoen



Auf wiedersen is - "Until we meet again" (I think).

"Nimmer" is - never (I think, ich habe ein bischon Deutsche)


----------



## spaghettimozarella

kann es kaum erwarten Dich wieder zu sehen! > i can´t wait to see you again!


----------



## KHayes666

I need to start listening to Rammstein more


----------



## Amatrix

Came here to read topics... fapping to the German language here.

:wubu: I missed this place.


----------



## yourhandsonyourhips

Love the German! Sorry for this, but de-lurking here and changing subjects back to the original post:



largenlovely said:


> we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet



If I were the guy in the above scenario, I'd be worried. Humans are walking and running machines... we're built for it. If your body is preventing you from getting simple things done like walking several miles without pain, it's your body asking for help before you encounter much worse health issues. Some of the best women I've dated are just big, but they'll still manage to outrun most people and make a mockery of you in a swim race.

I want to stress that weight isn't problematic - it's just the physical limitation of not being able to walk several miles. It's a sign your body needs more practice doing just that. If you exercise regularly and you're still 375lbs, that's great and this forum is proof there's a long list of men waiting to date you. But given the trade, I hope your preference would be to stay capable rather than to stay heavy.

Personally, if I'm going to fall in love with someone, I want someone who will be with me for as long as possible. Someone whose daily activities are impeded like this is someone who's giving into limitations. What limitations will they accept in 5 years? In 20? Many places on these forums tell heart-wrenching personal stories of health problems that occur when you just let new limitations set in and become a part of your life.

So again - being heavy isn't being unhealthy. But dammit, be healthy! For me, selfishly, the more healthy heavy women in the world, the more great dates guys like me have to choose from


----------



## Dromond

That sound you just heard was the top coming off a can of worms.


----------



## shinyapple

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> I want to stress that weight isn't problematic - it's just the physical limitation of not being able to walk several miles. It's a sign your body needs more practice doing just that. If you exercise regularly and you're still 375lbs, that's great and this forum is proof there's a long list of men waiting to date you. But given the trade, I hope your preference would be to stay capable rather than to stay heavy.



*smacks myself on the forehead*

What a novel concept! Exercise and be healthy...why didn't I think of that? Thanks ever so much for the advice.


----------



## Victim

Sounds like his preference is to stay single.


----------



## Eclectic_Girl

Victim said:


> Sounds like his preference is to stay single.



And he's well on his way.


----------



## KHayes666

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> Love the German! Sorry for this, but de-lurking here and changing subjects back to the original post:
> 
> 
> 
> If I were the guy in the above scenario, I'd be worried. Humans are walking and running machines... we're built for it. If your body is preventing you from getting simple things done like walking several miles without pain, it's your body asking for help before you encounter much worse health issues. Some of the best women I've dated are just big, but they'll still manage to outrun most people and make a mockery of you in a swim race.
> 
> I want to stress that weight isn't problematic - it's just the physical limitation of not being able to walk several miles. It's a sign your body needs more practice doing just that. If you exercise regularly and you're still 375lbs, that's great and this forum is proof there's a long list of men waiting to date you. But given the trade, I hope your preference would be to stay capable rather than to stay heavy.
> 
> Personally, if I'm going to fall in love with someone, I want someone who will be with me for as long as possible. Someone whose daily activities are impeded like this is someone who's giving into limitations. What limitations will they accept in 5 years? In 20? Many places on these forums tell heart-wrenching personal stories of health problems that occur when you just let new limitations set in and become a part of your life.
> 
> So again - being heavy isn't being unhealthy. But dammit, be healthy! For me, selfishly, the more healthy heavy women in the world, the more great dates guys like me have to choose from



Unlike these other snarky, beat around the bush comments....I'll just come out and say the truth. This line of thinking sucks and its not welcome on a board like this. People have struggled with their weights for years and years and they don't need to hear that kind of crap.

"I want a woman who will exercise and be healthy." Yeah well some can't do that because of degenerative health conditions, other health issues or just simply don't want to.

I'm not saying its not possible for fat women to be healthy and excercise, but to say its wrong not to is no different than Richard Simmons or Tony Little parading around here telling everyone that they're too fat and need to lose weight.

Who's to say you won't develop a condition that will need round the clock care in 20 years? Let's say you find this healthy, fat women you passed over women for and she leaves you for it when you could have had someone who's had health issues similar plus can sympathize and identify?

Have you never had a friend or lover with bad knees before? A bad back? Diabetes? Spina bifida? Have you ever had a friend with MS before? Do you expect them to be able to run a marathon too?

The reality is, if you're not prepared to deal with the harsh drawbacks to overweight lifestyles than you don't deserve to date someone around here. Love is about good times AND bad and if you can't deal with the bad then you'll never find love.


----------



## LillyBBBW

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> Love the German! Sorry for this, but de-lurking here and changing subjects back to the original post:
> 
> 
> 
> If I were the guy in the above scenario, I'd be worried. Humans are walking and running machines... we're built for it. If your body is preventing you from getting simple things done like walking several miles without pain, it's your body asking for help before you encounter much worse health issues. Some of the best women I've dated are just big, but they'll still manage to outrun most people and make a mockery of you in a swim race.
> 
> I want to stress that weight isn't problematic - it's just the physical limitation of not being able to walk several miles. It's a sign your body needs more practice doing just that. If you exercise regularly and you're still 375lbs, that's great and this forum is proof there's a long list of men waiting to date you. But given the trade, I hope your preference would be to stay capable rather than to stay heavy.
> 
> Personally, if I'm going to fall in love with someone, I want someone who will be with me for as long as possible. Someone whose daily activities are impeded like this is someone who's giving into limitations. What limitations will they accept in 5 years? In 20? Many places on these forums tell heart-wrenching personal stories of health problems that occur when you just let new limitations set in and become a part of your life.
> 
> So again - being heavy isn't being unhealthy. But dammit, be healthy! For me, selfishly, the more healthy heavy women in the world, the more great dates guys like me have to choose from



As a person who participates in outdoor music festivals multiple times each summer what you are saying is simply untrue. I've gigged at these things for over 25 years and can hardly get anyone of normal size to go with me to these things because of the walking involved. This isn't like cruising 'round the mall or shopping at Whole Foods. These festivals often occur in high altitudes, rough uneven terrain, strange bugs and pollen counts, hot sun, etc. Staffers ride around in golf carts looking for people who can't make it up. I've brought kids with me to these things and even they rub their feet by day's end and eat like hogs the whole time. These trips take a lot out of people. There is nothing wrong with people who get worn out doing this stuff. 

That being said, don't kid yourself. These things take their toll. If you find an SSBBW who is willing to do this stuff with you then so be it but start saving for that all terrain mobility scooter. She's going to need it by the time you get through with her and that's the only way you're going to be able to drag her along on these adventures forever. I don't care who she is or how healthy she is, this will abuse her body more so than anyone else's. A SS body is NOT built for this kind of thing. SSBBWs are not for you.


----------



## KHayes666

LillyBBBW said:


> As a person who participates in outdoor music festivals multiple times each summer what you are saying is simply untrue. I've gigged at these things for over 25 years and can hardly get anyone of normal size to go with me to these things because of the walking involved. This isn't like cruising 'round the mall or shopping at Whole Foods. These festivals often occur in high altitudes, rough uneven terrain, strange bugs and pollen counts, hot sun, etc. Staffers ride around in golf carts looking for people who can't make it up. I've brought kids with me to these things and even they rub their feet by day's end and eat like hogs the whole time. These trips take a lot out of people. There is nothing wrong with people who get worn out doing this stuff.
> 
> That being said, don't kid yourself. These things take their toll. If you find an SSBBW who is willing to do this stuff with you then so be it but start saving for that all terrain mobility scooter. She's going to need it by the time you get through with her and that's the only way you're going to be able to drag her along on these adventures forever. I don't care who she is or how healthy she is, this will abuse her body more so than anyone else's. A SS body is NOT built for this kind of thing. SSBBWs are not for you.



Speaking of gigs.

This is my 6,000th post on Dimensions and with it I will ask if you'll be my wedding singer when the time comes? lol


----------



## LillyBBBW

KHayes666 said:


> Speaking of gigs.
> 
> This is my 6,000th post on Dimensions and with it I will ask if you'll be my wedding singer when the time comes? lol



Congrats on 6,000! And yes. Just let me know when it is and I'll warm up the harmonica.


----------



## yourhandsonyourhips

shinyapple said:


> What a novel concept! Exercise and be healthy...why didn't I think of that? Thanks ever so much for the advice.



Well, it comes off as novel when things like this are said:



largenlovely said:


> Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that.



I agree that if something happens to you, and you can't get around as well, then that's that. It's just important not to conflate that with choosing to accept limitation. They're very different things, and it can be used as a way to deflect too easily.


----------



## shinyapple

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> Well, it comes off as novel when things like this are said:
> 
> I agree that if something happens to you, and you can't get around as well, then that's that. It's just important not to conflate that with choosing to accept limitation. They're very different things, and it can be used as a way to deflect too easily.



Bluntly...you completely missed the point of this thread. I sincerely pity any fat woman unfortunate enough to date someone with that attitude.

Moving on!


----------



## Chimpi

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> Love the German! Sorry for this, but de-lurking here and changing subjects back to the original post:
> 
> 
> 
> If I were the guy in the above scenario, I'd be worried. Humans are walking and running machines... we're built for it. If your body is preventing you from getting simple things done like walking several miles without pain, it's your body asking for help before you encounter much worse health issues. Some of the best women I've dated are just big, but they'll still manage to outrun most people and make a mockery of you in a swim race.
> 
> I want to stress that weight isn't problematic - it's just the physical limitation of not being able to walk several miles. It's a sign your body needs more practice doing just that. If you exercise regularly and you're still 375lbs, that's great and this forum is proof there's a long list of men waiting to date you. But given the trade, I hope your preference would be to stay capable rather than to stay heavy.
> 
> Personally, if I'm going to fall in love with someone, I want someone who will be with me for as long as possible. Someone whose daily activities are impeded like this is someone who's giving into limitations. What limitations will they accept in 5 years? In 20? Many places on these forums tell heart-wrenching personal stories of health problems that occur when you just let new limitations set in and become a part of your life.
> 
> So again - being heavy isn't being unhealthy. But dammit, be healthy! For me, selfishly, the more healthy heavy women in the world, the more great dates guys like me have to choose from



Fortunately for a lot of us, you aren't in charge of daily habits, exercise practices and habits, genetics, fate/destiny, our relationships, and much more. I completely empathize with wanting to be with someone for as long as possible, but sometimes people aren't always in control of their body and what becomes of it. And dare I say it, others are and continue to be fat and moderately unhealthy (or healthy).

Sometimes it's a choice. Sometimes it's just the way it is. Sometimes it's something else. All the time, though, people deserve not be told how to live their lives, physically limited or not.


----------



## LillyBBBW

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> Well, it comes off as novel when things like this are said:
> 
> 
> 
> I agree that if something happens to you, and you can't get around as well, then that's that. It's just important not to conflate that with choosing to accept limitation. They're very different things, and it can be used as a way to deflect too easily.



You demonstrate her point so well here. Her statement wasn't conflated at all. Most people would assume as much just as you have but the truth is Largeandlovely was in a car accident and needs to ride around in the cart and be dropped off at the door. For now anyway, until they can replace her fused hip joint. She therefore needs to be with someone not turned off by the stigma of people assuming she limps because she's lazy and irresponsible with her health. Even after her hip is replaced and her mobility is returned to her I don't think she would be interested in someone who scorns the disabled.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

LillyBBBW said:


> You demonstrate her point so well here. Her statement wasn't conflated at all. Most people would assume as much just as you have but the truth is Largeandlovely was in a car accident and needs to ride around in the cart and be dropped off at the door. For now anyway, until they can replace her fused hip joint. She therefore needs to be with someone not turned off by the stigma of people assuming she limps because she's lazy and irresponsible with her health. Even after her hip is replaced and her mobility is returned to her I don't think she would be interested in someone who scorns the disabled.


*applause and whistles*


----------



## CleverBomb

LillyBBBW said:


> You demonstrate her point so well here. Her statement wasn't conflated at all. Most people would assume as much just as you have but the truth is Largeandlovely was in a car accident and needs to ride around in the cart and be dropped off at the door. For now anyway, until they can replace her fused hip joint. She therefore needs to be with someone not turned off by the stigma of people assuming she limps because she's lazy and irresponsible with her health. Even after her hip is replaced and her mobility is returned to her I don't think she would be interested in someone who scorns the disabled.


Precisely.

-Rusty


----------



## CastingPearls

Why does ANY SSBBW need to justify their existence, including the inconvenient truths of it? I want to be treated compassionately like a human being because I am a human being not because I have a legitimate disability or that SSBBW over there just can't walk very far without assistance or getting winded.

Kudos to the more ample women here who can hike and bike and do all the other strenuous cardiac pumping activities but I don't owe anyone any explanation as to why I can or can't do what I can or can't do. If you (general you) can find that elusive 500 lb. unicorn who can do cartwheels and marathons, then more power to both of you but lots of luck finding her and make sure you stay out of my way because there are plenty of men who are more than willing to fall all over themselves to drive me to the front door in style because it pleases me and it pleases him to please me and he knows that for every kindness he gives, it will be reciprocated in abundance.


----------



## LillyBBBW

CastingPearls said:


> Why does ANY SSBBW need to justify their existence, including the inconvenient truths of it? I want to be treated compassionately like a human being because I am a human being not because I have a legitimate disability or that SSBBW over there just can't walk very far without assistance or getting winded.
> 
> Kudos to the more ample women here who can hike and bike and do all the other strenuous cardiac pumping activities but I don't owe anyone any explanation as to why I can or can't do what I can or can't do. If you (general you) can find that elusive 500 lb. unicorn who can do cartwheels and marathons, then more power to both of you but lots of luck finding her and make sure you stay out of my way because there are plenty of men who are more than willing to fall all over themselves to drive me to the front door in style because it pleases me and it pleases him to please me and he knows that for every kindness he gives, it will be reciprocated in abundance.



_"You must spread some Rep....."_

Hear hear!


----------



## jewels_mystery

CastingPearls said:


> Why does ANY SSBBW need to justify their existence, including the inconvenient truths of it? I want to be treated compassionately like a human being because I am a human being not because I have a legitimate disability or that SSBBW over there just can't walk very far without assistance or getting winded.
> 
> Kudos to the more ample women here who can hike and bike and do all the other strenuous cardiac pumping activities but I don't owe anyone any explanation as to why I can or can't do what I can or can't do. If you (general you) can find that elusive 500 lb. unicorn who can do cartwheels and marathons, then more power to both of you but lots of luck finding her and make sure you stay out of my way because there are plenty of men who are more than willing to fall all over themselves to drive me to the front door in style because it pleases me and it pleases him to please me and he knows that for every kindness he gives, it will be reciprocated in abundance.



Amen my sista. I can not rep you enough for this. :bow::bow:


----------



## CleverBomb

CastingPearls said:


> I want to be treated compassionately like a human being because I am a human being



...and, that's pretty much it. 

The rest of this thread is just commentary.

-Rusty


----------



## yourhandsonyourhips

I think there's a bit of shooting the messenger here. I'm not saying what I've said in this thread because I want to tell people how to live. I'm saying it because there are rules the human body works by, and you either play along with them or REALLY crappy things happen to you. I've seen it in my own family, and it's absolutely tragic. As just one example, imagine having 8 percent of your heart still working. EIGHT. All because when life made it harder to get around, you let it get to you. And then one day... BAM. Life suddenly gets much smaller, with no good choices left.

So, I'm not judging anyone, just... be smart people. That's all.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> I think there's a bit of shooting the messenger here. I'm not saying what I've said in this thread because I want to tell people how to live. I'm saying it because there are rules the human body works by, and you either play along with them or REALLY crappy things happen to you. I've seen it in my own family, and it's absolutely tragic. As just one example, imagine having 8 percent of your heart still working. EIGHT. All because when life made it harder to get around, you let it get to you. And then one day... BAM. Life suddenly gets much smaller, with no good choices left.
> 
> So, I'm not judging anyone, just... be smart people. That's all.



When the messenger is:

1) Missing the point of the thread;
2) Completely clueless;
3) Making an ass out of himself,

yeah, sometimes it's right to blame said messenger.


----------



## CastingPearls

Especially on message boards. Duh.


----------



## Eclectic_Girl

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> I think there's a bit of shooting the messenger here. I'm not saying what I've said in this thread because I want to tell people how to live. I'm saying it because there are rules the human body works by, and you either play along with them or REALLY crappy things happen to you. I've seen it in my own family, and it's absolutely tragic. As just one example, imagine having 8 percent of your heart still working. EIGHT. All because when life made it harder to get around, you let it get to you. And then one day... BAM. Life suddenly gets much smaller, with no good choices left.
> 
> So, I'm not judging anyone, just... be smart people. That's all.



Did it ever occur to you that some of the people you're talking to have already had some crappy things happen to them? And that maybe they're trying to do the best they can with what they've got going on *right now*?

And that the last thing they need is some socially tone-deaf idiot who knows nothing about their individual situations (and not a whole lot about this community either, going by post count) to tell them how to live their lives.

Not that you're judging, you just think we're stupid if we don't keep ourselves healthy enough to meet your standards. Step off, little boy...


----------



## KHayes666

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> I think there's a bit of shooting the messenger here. I'm not saying what I've said in this thread because I want to tell people how to live. I'm saying it because there are rules the human body works by, and you either play along with them or REALLY crappy things happen to you. I've seen it in my own family, and it's absolutely tragic. As just one example, imagine having 8 percent of your heart still working. EIGHT. All because when life made it harder to get around, you let it get to you. And then one day... BAM. Life suddenly gets much smaller, with no good choices left.
> 
> So, I'm not judging anyone, just... be smart people. That's all.



I know someone who's lungs only 30% work because the parents chain smoked in the house since before and after he was born. He has no chance of ever getting in the shape of how you want and it had nothing to do with what he ate in life.

You have absolutely no idea how any of these people runs their lives because you don't know them.

Who's really going to listen to you really? Nobody


----------



## EtobicokeFA

CastingPearls said:


> Why does ANY SSBBW need to justify their existence, including the inconvenient truths of it? I want to be treated compassionately like a human being because I am a human being not because I have a legitimate disability or that SSBBW over there just can't walk very far without assistance or getting winded.
> 
> Kudos to the more ample women here who can hike and bike and do all the other strenuous cardiac pumping activities but I don't owe anyone any explanation as to why I can or can't do what I can or can't do. If you (general you) can find that elusive 500 lb. unicorn who can do cartwheels and marathons, then more power to both of you but lots of luck finding her and make sure you stay out of my way because there are plenty of men who are more than willing to fall all over themselves to drive me to the front door in style because it pleases me and it pleases him to please me and he knows that for every kindness he gives, it will be reciprocated in abundance.



_"You must spread some Rep....."_

Applause.


----------



## Dromond

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> I think there's a bit of shooting the messenger here. I'm not saying what I've said in this thread because I want to tell people how to live. I'm saying it because there are rules the human body works by, and you either play along with them or REALLY crappy things happen to you. I've seen it in my own family, and it's absolutely tragic. As just one example, imagine having 8 percent of your heart still working. EIGHT. All because when life made it harder to get around, you let it get to you. And then one day... BAM. Life suddenly gets much smaller, with no good choices left.
> 
> So, I'm not judging anyone, just... be smart people. That's all.



Stop posting in this thread. Seriously. Just stop. You don't get it, you'll never get it, and you'll find no sympathy here for your parochial views.


----------



## tonynyc

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> I think there's a bit of shooting the messenger here. I'm not saying what I've said in this thread because I want to tell people how to live.* I'm saying it because there are rules the human body works by, and you either play along with them or REALLY crappy things happen to you*. I've seen it in my own family, and it's absolutely tragic. As just one example, imagine having 8 percent of your heart still working. EIGHT. All because when life made it harder to get around, you let it get to you. And then one day... BAM. Life suddenly gets much smaller, with no good choices left.
> 
> So, I'm not judging anyone, just... be smart people. That's all.



*R*eally.... no shit- who decides the rules -other than genetics, fate and god...







*
Someone forgot to tell him about the "rules"

*


----------



## LillyBBBW

Dromond said:


> Stop posting in this thread. Seriously. Just stop. You don't get it, you'll never get it, and you'll find no sympathy here for your parochial views.



^^^ This. Seriously, leave this thread. We LIVE in these bodies. Don't come in here trying to school us on stupid shit. You have merely a remedial understanding of anything. Go away.


----------



## Russ2d

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> I think there's a bit of shooting the messenger here. I'm not saying what I've said in this thread because I want to tell people how to live. I'm saying it because there are rules the human body works by, and you either play along with them or REALLY crappy things happen to you. I've seen it in my own family, and it's absolutely tragic. As just one example, imagine having 8 percent of your heart still working. EIGHT. All because when life made it harder to get around, you let it get to you. And then one day... BAM. Life suddenly gets much smaller, with no good choices left.
> 
> So, I'm not judging anyone, just... be smart people. That's all.




Join date of this month? Either some kid got hold of a computer or just another preaching troll with no clue


----------



## OIFMountaineer

This thread is like watching Christians getting fed to the lions. I think I'll pull up a seat and watch the carnage. :eat1:


----------



## witchysbbw

carrie_ult said:


> Well for all the SSBBW with a job and without handicaps... this was not ment for you. But the rest was just a reality check and i think you all know it very well. It´s obvious that a jobless person, nearly unable to work (not everybody can do computer jobs or whatever) have really big problems and somebody should think twice before dating such a person if he can dedicate enough to her. I hope you understand that, well maybe it´s egoistic, because i don´t spend every Cent i have left on my partner but sorry i prefer to have a life too. It has to go together, and it didn´t, i tried it and got only abused the worst way. Don´t want to go into details, but i helped somebody out of a very big misery for one year. Was the most stupid thing i ever did. Therefore no jobless people dating. Any BBW or SSBBW which causes just normal problems in a relationship is very welcome. I am not a social worker and don´t wanna be.


why do you assume that the jobless status of any SSBBW/M is their fault and not the prospective employers? I have been considered super sized by the world for most of my adult life and still held down responsible positions for over 20 years. THEN my husband became seriously ill and the stress of all the responsibility played havoc on my body and caused me to become mobility challenged. Yet I still went to work everyday, walker and all. I was good at my job and did it well. All of a sudden the "situation" became difficult for my boss and I was let go. Turns out that her daughter needed a job and I was the sacrificial lamb. Also my boss was always pushing WLS and did not understand why I didn't jump at the chance, but she had her own food issues. I searched for another job for 6 months but no one was willing to give me a chance. Employers would be excited by my resume over the phone but suddenly I was not qualified when the saw me. My mind and talents did not change but the closed minded attitude of prospective employers did. ....Yes every community has lazy individuals but maybe you should think before you speak.


----------



## Mishty

BigBeautifulMe said:


> yeah, sometimes it's right to blame said messenger.



*Messenger* 1
Definition: _One who bears a message; the bearer of a verbal or written communication, notice, or invitation, from one person to another. _

*Messenger* 2
Definition: _One who, or that which, foreshows, or foretells._ 

To be a messenger, one has to have a message, and I've waded through a bunch of words and shit, but can't find the message....


----------



## witchysbbw

yourhandsonyourhips said:


> Love the German! Sorry for this, but de-lurking here and changing subjects back to the original post:
> 
> 
> 
> If I were the guy in the above scenario, I'd be worried. Humans are walking and running machines... we're built for it. If your body is preventing you from getting simple things done like walking several miles without pain, it's your body asking for help before you encounter much worse health issues. Some of the best women I've dated are just big, but they'll still manage to outrun most people and make a mockery of you in a swim race.
> 
> I want to stress that weight isn't problematic - it's just the physical limitation of not being able to walk several miles. It's a sign your body needs more practice doing just that. If you exercise regularly and you're still 375lbs, that's great and this forum is proof there's a long list of men waiting to date you. But given the trade, I hope your preference would be to stay capable rather than to stay heavy.
> 
> Personally, if I'm going to fall in love with someone, I want someone who will be with me for as long as possible. Someone whose daily activities are impeded like this is someone who's giving into limitations. What limitations will they accept in 5 years? In 20? Many places on these forums tell heart-wrenching personal stories of health problems that occur when you just let new limitations set in and become a part of your life.
> 
> So again - being heavy isn't being unhealthy. But dammit, be healthy! For me, selfishly, the more healthy heavy women in the world, the more great dates guys like me have to choose from


The real question is why would a SSBBW or BBW want to date a guy like you? Yes many of us have health issues but so do so called normal people. You never know what the future will bring. Part of loving someone is staying with them when health challenges develop. If you are not willing to accept that possibility then stay single.


----------



## JulianDW

I like this thread a lot. Its very insightful, often I get caught up in dreaming and not really facing the reality of being with/dating a ssbbw, so this is helpful.


----------



## Dromond

Mishty said:


> *Messenger* 1
> Definition: _One who bears a message; the bearer of a verbal or written communication, notice, or invitation, from one person to another. _
> 
> *Messenger* 2
> Definition: _One who, or that which, foreshows, or foretells._
> 
> To be a messenger, one has to have a message, and I've waded through a bunch of words and shit, but can't find the message....



Curse my imrepotence!


----------



## NewfieGal

Well speaking as a SSBBW there are obvious issues like I can't go hiking up a mountain...well I can but its hard...but I can do everything else a "normal" person do... I like to walk, swim, bike, dance(which I love doing lol)... I hold down a full time job working 12 hour shifts...people do look at you and assume a lot of stuff but I really don't care...people can only hurt you if you let them! And yes I understand that not every SSBBW functions at the same level but just live life to the fullest you can however you can! I would not want someone telling me I can't do something cause I'm a big girl, it might be slower going for somethings or trial and error for other things  I am never gonna give up! Yes being this size isn't always easy but I am me and I am darn good at it!


----------



## Never2fat4me

NewfieGal said:


> Well speaking as a SSBBW there are obvious issues like I can't go hiking up a mountain...well I can but its hard...but I can do everything else a "normal" person do... I like to walk, swim, bike, dance(which I love doing lol)... I hold down a full time job working 12 hour shifts...people do look at you and assume a lot of stuff but I really don't care...people can only hurt you if you let them! And yes I understand that not every SSBBW functions at the same level but just live life to the fullest you can however you can! I would not want someone telling me I can't do something cause I'm a big girl, it might be slower going for somethings or trial and error for other things  I am never gonna give up! Yes being this size isn't always easy but I am me and I am darn good at it!



Bit off topic, but your location - Newfoundland - and note about 12 hour shifts reminded me of a trip I made to Newfoundland and visiting a fish processing plant (I was working for DFO at the time). They do long shifts there on their feet, and there was a really cute SSBBW, with calves so big she had to cut open the back of her boots to fit into them. I thought it was amazing that she was able to do a job like that that required her to be on her feet all day; it's not fun for anyone, but for someone obviously well over 350 lbs, it was a testament to her endurance. Way to go, SSBBWs! There really is nothing you cannot do.


----------



## TimeTraveller

Even though we've been married more than 30 years, and we've known each other more than 45 years since second grade, we still consider our nights out to be dates.

Last night we had a bad experience at a certain chain restaurant which reminded us why we hadn't dined there at all this year. It was very busy, but we arrived just before the big rush so they tried to seat us right away. Too bad the booth was so small I barely fit, and we couldn't maneuver the table enough for my supersize wife to fit. Just then a nearby table became free so the hostess seated us there, but even the tables were tightly packed together. For the next hour I had a clear view of the tiny booth that was too small for my wife and almost too small for me. The hostess tried to seat at least 5 other couples there but all of them refused. I was especially stunned to see the clueless hostess try to seat a man and his hypersize wife there. That booth remained empty despite the high demand. Poor design, and they also have no concept of the size of some of their patrons.

I could watch that booth because the service was so slow our meals hadn't arrived after an hour, so we left. We politely but firmly spoke to a manager, who at least apologized and gave us a gift card for our next visit. We almost refused the gift card because that tight seating and poor service reminded us why we had avoided that restaurant. Maybe we'll have better luck using it at another location when we're on vacation.

All's well that ends well. We were so hungry after that dining misadventure we rushed to Wendy's right next door for a couple burgers, and it was a much better experience. Today I'll make it up to my wife by taking her to a fine local restaurant where we know the tables and booths are nice and spacious and the food and service are excellent. Pricey, but sometimes you just have to pay a little extra to take extra special care of your sweetheart. :smitten:


----------



## LillyBBBW

TimeTraveller said:


> Even though we've been married more than 30 years, and we've known each other more than 45 years since second grade, we still consider our nights out to be dates.
> 
> Last night we had a bad experience at a certain chain restaurant which reminded us why we hadn't dined there at all this year. It was very busy, but we arrived just before the big rush so they tried to seat us right away. Too bad the booth was so small I barely fit, and we couldn't maneuver the table enough for my supersize wife to fit. Just then a nearby table became free so the hostess seated us there, but even the tables were tightly packed together. For the next hour I had a clear view of the tiny booth that was too small for my wife and almost too small for me. The hostess tried to seat at least 5 other couples there but all of them refused. I was especially stunned to see the clueless hostess try to seat a man and his hypersize wife there. That booth remained empty despite the high demand. Poor design, and they also have no concept of the size of some of their patrons.
> 
> I could watch that booth because the service was so slow our meals hadn't arrived after an hour, so we left. We politely but firmly spoke to a manager, who at least apologized and gave us a gift card for our next visit. We almost refused the gift card because that tight seating and poor service reminded us why we had avoided that restaurant. Maybe we'll have better luck using it at another location when we're on vacation.
> 
> All's well that ends well. We were so hungry after that dining misadventure we rushed to Wendy's right next door for a couple burgers, and it was a much better experience. Today I'll make it up to my wife by taking her to a fine local restaurant where we know the tables and booths are nice and spacious and the food and service are excellent. Pricey, but sometimes you just have to pay a little extra to take extra special care of your sweetheart. :smitten:



Sounds like you either went to Outback Steakhouse, Bugaboo Creek or Applebees. Glad it all worked out for you in the end.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy

TimeTraveller said:


> Even though we've been married more than 30 years, and we've known each other more than 45 years since second grade, we still consider our nights out to be dates.
> 
> Last night we had a bad experience at a certain chain restaurant which reminded us why we hadn't dined there at all this year. It was very busy, but we arrived just before the big rush so they tried to seat us right away. Too bad the booth was so small I barely fit, and we couldn't maneuver the table enough for my supersize wife to fit. Just then a nearby table became free so the hostess seated us there, but even the tables were tightly packed together. For the next hour I had a clear view of the tiny booth that was too small for my wife and almost too small for me. The hostess tried to seat at least 5 other couples there but all of them refused. I was especially stunned to see the clueless hostess try to seat a man and his hypersize wife there. That booth remained empty despite the high demand. Poor design, and they also have no concept of the size of some of their patrons.
> 
> I could watch that booth because the service was so slow our meals hadn't arrived after an hour, so we left. We politely but firmly spoke to a manager, who at least apologized and gave us a gift card for our next visit. We almost refused the gift card because that tight seating and poor service reminded us why we had avoided that restaurant. Maybe we'll have better luck using it at another location when we're on vacation.
> 
> All's well that ends well. We were so hungry after that dining misadventure we rushed to Wendy's right next door for a couple burgers, and it was a much better experience. Today I'll make it up to my wife by taking her to a fine local restaurant where we know the tables and booths are nice and spacious and the food and service are excellent. Pricey, but sometimes you just have to pay a little extra to take extra special care of your sweetheart. :smitten:



So sorry you had such a disappointing experience out on what could have been a very nice night. 
Don't ever refuse the gift card though.....cause there is always take out


----------



## Aivo

Alright, I don't post here very often, but I have something to say about this latest controversy. 

First of all, I want to say that when I see people with physical limitations, I try my very best not to judge them. I really have no idea how they got to where they are, no matter whether they're thin or fat or whatever. However, and I'm pretty sure some of you will take offense at this, I always feel pity for them. I consider myself very fortunate to be able-bodied, and I will honestly be quite miserable if I wasn't. I'm sure this is because I'm used to exercising regularly (in fact I just got back from a wonderful bike ride), and I know how important exercise is to both physical and mental health.

Everyone is attacking yourhandsonyourhips for his comments, writing them off as being judgmental, but I really don't feel like he deserves such harsh criticism, and I'm especially referring to the comment that stated that his views were not welcome on this forum. It's fine if you disagree with his point of view, but to state that another point of view isn't even welcome here is just unreasonable and is advocating censorship. Really, what is the point of a forum if people aren't allowed to exchange different points of view? I could understand such anger if he had been intentionally insulting and was only here to start a flame war, but that was definitely not the case. 

I really don't feel like he was trying to judge anyone; it was more of a general statement that it concerns him when someone is unable to do a modest amount of walking, which I completely understand. He wasn't trying to say "You are an evil, lazy person for not being able to walk two miles," he was saying that he would be concerned if a partner of his was unable to do so, because it IS indicative of poor health, and if you love someone you should be concerned with their health.

As he said, humans are meant to move, and it is absolutely necessary for good health, much more important that weight, and I feel bad for anyone who cannot do so, no matter what the cause of their limitations are, because I would be miserable in their place.

Hopefully I don't get banned for this, but I just had to say it.


----------



## LillyBBBW

Aivo said:


> Alright, I don't post here very often, but I have something to say about this latest controversy.
> 
> First of all, I want to say that when I see people with physical limitations, I try my very best not to judge them. I really have no idea how they got to where they are, no matter whether they're thin or fat or whatever. However, and I'm pretty sure some of you will take offense at this, I always feel pity for them. I consider myself very fortunate to be able-bodied, and I will honestly be quite miserable if I wasn't. I'm sure this is because I'm used to exercising regularly (in fact I just got back from a wonderful bike ride), and I know how important exercise is to both physical and mental health.
> 
> Everyone is attacking yourhandsonyourhips for his comments, writing them off as being judgmental, but I really don't feel like he deserves such harsh criticism, and I'm especially referring to the comment that stated that his views were not welcome on this forum. It's fine if you disagree with his point of view, but to state that another point of view isn't even welcome here is just unreasonable and is advocating censorship. Really, what is the point of a forum if people aren't allowed to exchange different points of view? I could understand such anger if he had been intentionally insulting and was only here to start a flame war, but that was definitely not the case.
> 
> I really don't feel like he was trying to judge anyone; it was more of a general statement that it concerns him when someone is unable to do a modest amount of walking, which I completely understand. He wasn't trying to say "You are an evil, lazy person for not being able to walk two miles," he was saying that he would be concerned if a partner of his was unable to do so, because it IS indicative of poor health, and if you love someone you should be concerned with their health.
> 
> As he said, humans are meant to move, and it is absolutely necessary for good health, much more important that weight, and I feel bad for anyone who cannot do so, no matter what the cause of their limitations are, because I would be miserable in their place.
> 
> Hopefully I don't get banned for this, but I just had to say it.



WHAT!?! I mean... what is the disconnect here? :huh: Did you READ the sign over the thread? This. is. a. thread..... about the realities..... of dating..... a SOOOOOOPERSIZED..... super sized woman. Not a midsized, not a plumber, not chubby, not portly, not reubenesque. Supersized. And thank the good lord you're here fresh from the trail to preach to us about our shameful evils. If you don't want to date a SUPER SIZED woman then this thread is *not. for. you.* and is not the place for you to bloat on about who we are as you understand it. Seriously, just leave us alone.


----------



## tonynyc

LillyBBBW said:


> WHAT!?! I mean... what is the disconnect here? :huh: Did you READ the sign over the thread? This. is. a. thread..... about the realities..... of dating..... a SOOOOOOPERSIZED..... super sized woman. Not a midsized, not a plumber, not chubby, not portly, not reubenesque. Supersized. And thank the good lord you're here fresh from the trail to preach to us about our shameful evils. If you don't want to date a SUPER SIZED woman then this thread is *not. for. you.* and is not the place for you to bloat on about who we are as you understand it. Seriously, just leave us alone.



Not a disconnect... just clueless.


----------



## Fat Brian

Aivo said:


> Alright, I don't post here very often,... but I just had to say it.



I think everyone here is well aware of the "dangers" of being overweight. I also find that as a group the posters here are well informed about healthy eating and most are experts on various weightloss tactics. If you look beyond the hype you find that being fat is not the hideous boogeyman that the medical field and diet industry make it out to be. Also, most here are well aware of their own personal health situations and what they need to work on.

Yours is a classic misconception that fat people have no idea why they are fat but yet are also in total control of their size. Some here have diseases that limit movement and their weight is a symptom of that, others have diseases that make weightloss all but impossible. Some of us have partners that have physical limitations due to illness and yes, sometimes due to size. And others of us just want to be fat, just like you like to run, well I like to be fat.

No one is rejecting other viewpoints, it's just that you aren't bringing anything new to the party. We've all heard your finger wagging before and are done paying attention to it.


----------



## liz (di-va)

Aivo said:


> Hopefully I don't get banned for this, but I just had to say it.


Say what? That too fat is too fat? And wrong? Where does your logic go from there? That SSBBWs shouldn't exist? Shouldn't be so big? Shouldn't be dating? What the frick do your comments have to do with anything? Especially in this thread?

There isn't ANYBODY who knows the realities of being a big BBW better than (no way) a big BBW. What is it you are hoping to achieve? What in your comments do you think we've never heard 100000000 times before?

I'm cranky.


----------



## Eclectic_Girl

Aivo said:


> Hopefully I don't get banned for this...



No need. Just as easy to ignore you, as your views are irrelevant to the main topic of the thread.

Also, this "latest controversy" is based on a post made almost 4 months ago. You may not post here very often, but those of us who do moved on long ago.


----------



## StrugglingWriter

LillyBBBW said:


> WHAT!?! I mean... what is the disconnect here? :huh: Did you READ the sign over the thread? This. is. a. thread..... about the realities..... of dating..... a SOOOOOOPERSIZED..... super sized woman. Not a midsized, not a plumber, not chubby, not portly, not reubenesque. Supersized. And thank the good lord you're here fresh from the trail to preach to us about our shameful evils. If you don't want to date a SUPER SIZED woman then this thread is *not. for. you.* and is not the place for you to bloat on about who we are as you understand it. Seriously, just leave us alone.



Well said. Would that many of the ninnies take that advice on other weight board threads and acceptance might actually start to thrive!


----------



## NewfieGal

The thread is reality of dating an SSBBW, but you have to realize that not everyone can deal with that reality... everyone is going to have an opinion and you can't expect that everyone on every thread is going to have something positive to say (although I haven't seen too many negative comments) it is just an opinion so please everyone stay positive, ignore the things you find not too your liking cause it causes a lot of negative vibes and people argue and get defensive, there are going to be ignorant people in the world so ignore em  But if anyone likes the reality come on over to Newfie lots of us bigger gals over here... well not really but you can have fun looking


----------



## TimeTraveller

LillyBBBW said:


> Sounds like you either went to Outback Steakhouse, Bugaboo Creek or Applebees. Glad it all worked out for you in the end.


Our fiasco was at Olive Garden, and I blame it on that particular franchise. Several other nearby restaurants have terrible service too so that must be a dead zone, whereas other Olive Garden locations are great.

All's well that ends well. The next day I made it up to my wife by taking her to Barolo Ristorante in Joliet, Illinois. It's family owned by genuine Italians from southern Italy, the tables are nice and spacious, and the food is sensational. Date night is saved!

http://www.barolofinedining.com


----------



## TimeTraveller

LillyBBBW said:


> WHAT!?! I mean... what is the disconnect here? :huh: Did you READ the sign over the thread? This. is. a. thread..... about the realities..... of dating..... a SOOOOOOPERSIZED..... super sized woman. Not a midsized, not a plumber, not chubby, not portly, not reubenesque. Supersized. And thank the good lord you're here fresh from the trail to preach to us about our shameful evils. If you don't want to date a SUPER SIZED woman then this thread is *not. for. you.* and is not the place for you to bloat on about who we are as you understand it. Seriously, just leave us alone.


Why do fat haters and the fat clueless feel the need to post here? Maybe some wonder the same about me elsewhere but I'm actually having pretty good luck opening people's eyes to fat acceptance in forums which have nothing to do with it. I don't bring up the subject but when it comes up and the fat jokes start to fly, I step in. My impression is fat acceptance and fat admirers are new concepts to many people and after they hear about it many are willing to consider it. On one of the American Mensa forums someone posted this:


> I opened my mailbox the other day and saw what I thought was an "adult" magazine. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a fashion magazine. Who knew?
> 
> http://www.lanebryant.com/content.j...urce=email&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=0907


That got a few wisecracks until I posted.


> I've always known BBW and SSBBW were ahead of the curve.


Then someone asked "what's a SSBBW".


> Super-Size Big Beautiful Woman. Super sizes are above size 26.


I don't know whether that definition is correct but it got the idea across. It actually turned into a pretty nice discussion, that is until someone had to wisecrack, "I opened the link and noticed an interesting commonality among the models. Apparently Lane Bryant has hired famed designer Hugh d'Jass to create this year's line." Which I managed to defuse by joking:


> &#8206;"Hugh d'Jass?" Uh oh, starting to hyperventilate here! More than a few of us are connaisseurs of the supervoluptuous figure and I say vive la différence.
> 
> So whenever I see a smartly-dressed woman whose figure is full to overflowing, I just . . . er . . . having trouble concentrating now . . . duh . . . what was the question?


To my pleasant surprise that put an end to the wisecracks. Little by little more and more people began to post about their appreciation of BBW and SSBBW, like "IMHO - The Lane Bryant girls are lovely, but a might scrawny." and "I like 'em a little thick. They look great to me." That emboldened me to write:


> The old sitcom cliché describes a woman as having a terrific personality and the punchline is, "She's fat, isn't she?" Good, bad or indifferent, obesity is a fact of our abundant society, and those who judge others by their weight deny themselves the chance to meet many truly wonderful people. Likewise many fat people (and women in particular) have been brainwashed to believe they are inferior unless they attain an unrealistically ideal figure, and many of them engage in self-destructive behavior as they try and fail to reach and maintain that ideal. Of course fat people are no more or less wonderful than anyone else, but their weights aren't the determining factor.
> 
> Over the years I've heard many men complain their wives have lost their girlish figures. Many of those same men (who were no Adonises themselves) were more interested in hot babes than in lasting relationships. On the other hand we so-called fat admirers know our sweethearts' figures tend to improve with age like fine wines that become even richer and more full bodied.
> 
> Besides, if you haven't been hugged by a gorgeous fat woman then you've never really been hugged at all. All those extra jiggles sure are nice too.


I probably picked up some of my remarks from all the reading I did here last month, but they seemed pretty well received, and the wisecrackers kept most of their wisecracks to themselves. My impression is that fat acceptance is an unknown idea to many people, but all except the most die-hard fat-haters seem willing to consider it once they realize it's out there.


----------



## LillyBBBW

TimeTraveller said:


> Why do fat haters and the fat clueless feel the need to post here? Maybe some wonder the same about me elsewhere but I'm actually having pretty good luck opening people's eyes to fat acceptance in forums which have nothing to do with it. I don't bring up the subject but when it comes up and the fat jokes start to fly, I step in. My impression is fat acceptance and fat admirers are new concepts to many people and after they hear about it many are willing to consider it. On one of the American Mensa forums someone posted this:
> 
> That got a few wisecracks until I posted.
> 
> Then someone asked "what's a SSBBW".
> 
> I don't know whether that definition is correct but it got the idea across. It actually turned into a pretty nice discussion, that is until someone had to wisecrack, "I opened the link and noticed an interesting commonality among the models. Apparently Lane Bryant has hired famed designer Hugh d'Jass to create this year's line." Which I managed to defuse by joking:
> 
> To my pleasant surprise that put an end to the wisecracks. Little by little more and more people began to post about their appreciation of BBW and SSBBW, like "IMHO - The Lane Bryant girls are lovely, but a might scrawny." and "I like 'em a little thick. They look great to me." That emboldened me to write:
> 
> I probably picked up some of my remarks from all the reading I did here last month, but they seemed pretty well received, and the wisecrackers kept most of their wisecracks to themselves. My impression is that fat acceptance is an unknown idea to many people, but all except the most die-hard fat-haters seem willing to consider it once they realize it's out there.



I really don't see any of that as being relevant or even on the same paralell. My argument is this. A guy is going into the army. He asks people with experience with basic training what to expect, what should he do, practical applications, etc. People WHO'VE BEEN IN THE ARMY begin to reply and the thread is going on till someone comes in spouting anti-military rhetoric about genocide and government arrogance. Someone talks about how they would NEVER join the army due to its history of discrimination against fat people, homosexuals and general abuse and someone posts a nice picture of a kitty in army fatigues. Now I don't like censorship but I do like order and sanity. In a thread of this nature, who the hell cares about all that crap?? If [you] want to start a debate or an offshoot discussion, start [your] own damned thread. The thread is not a general discussion and I don't think it's unreasonable for people with a vested interest in the topic to resent being continually hijacked with platitudinous babble.


----------



## Teresa

LillyBBBW said:


> LOTS of good stuff before this, THEN you wrote ................. *"platitudinous babble."*



Have to give you rep for this. :bow:


----------



## Miskatonic

I think I have what it takes to date an SSBBW but I've found that typically the types of women I like--tall, amazonian, dominant women--don't have much interest in short guys like me. 

I realize I don't really have the goods physically but I like to think I'm pretty solid as far as my personality goes. I get very shy around women though and it makes it really, REALLY hard to make a connection. Whenever I talk to someone--especially someone who is physically much larger than me height wise--I kinda crawl up my own behind and get real quiet and stuff.

Does anyone have any hints on how to loosen up and be more myself around big, beautiful ssbbw's? I feel like I'm blowing myself out of the water by becoming that awkward fourteen year old around ladies.


----------



## furious styles

Miskatonic said:


> I think I have what it takes to date an SSBBW but I've found that typically the types of women I like--tall, amazonian, dominant women--don't have much interest in short guys like me.
> 
> I realize I don't really have the goods physically but I like to think I'm pretty solid as far as my personality goes. I get very shy around women though and it makes it really, REALLY hard to make a connection. Whenever I talk to someone--especially someone who is physically much larger than me height wise--I kinda crawl up my own behind and get real quiet and stuff.
> 
> Does anyone have any hints on how to loosen up and be more myself around big, beautiful ssbbw's? I feel like I'm blowing myself out of the water by becoming that awkward fourteen year old around ladies.




i would say just try to take a step back and realize that the lady you're talking to is a regular human being and has desires, fears, strengths and flaws like any other one of us. be self aware and in touch with your own strengths and weaknesses. don't feel like you have to compensate for anything, one is at best when they can fully be themselves. i know it's not that easy but just keeping that stuff in mind helps me. even when talking to stunningly beautiful women.


----------



## Miskatonic

furious styles said:


> i would say just try to take a step back and realize that the lady you're talking to is a regular human being and has desires, fears, strengths and flaws like any other one of us. be self aware and in touch with your own strengths and weaknesses. don't feel like you have to compensate for anything, one is at best when they can fully be themselves. i know it's not that easy but just keeping that stuff in mind helps me. even when talking to stunningly beautiful women.



Yeah I just gotta keep reminding myself to be me. I fear that I'm not an interesting person which then gets in the way of opening up around people. But it's something I've been working on. Gotta break that shell if I want to meet someone!


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## billyk

Miskatonic said:


> I think I have what it takes to date an SSBBW but I've found that typically the types of women I like--tall, amazonian, dominant women--don't have much interest in short guys like me.
> 
> I realize I don't really have the goods physically but I like to think I'm pretty solid as far as my personality goes. I get very shy around women though and it makes it really, REALLY hard to make a connection. Whenever I talk to someone--especially someone who is physically much larger than me height wise--I kinda crawl up my own behind and get real quiet and stuff.
> 
> Does anyone have any hints on how to loosen up and be more myself around big, beautiful ssbbw's? I feel like I'm blowing myself out of the water by becoming that awkward fourteen year old around ladies.


I've never found that to be an issue. I'm 5-8 and about 190 lbs. My friend is 5-9 and 375 lbs. I love to be sat on and squashed and she loves to sit. We get along well. I've never had a problem attracting bigger woman.


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## KHayes666

Miskatonic said:


> Yeah I just gotta keep reminding myself to be me. I fear that I'm not an interesting person which then gets in the way of opening up around people. But it's something I've been working on. Gotta break that shell if I want to meet someone!



Women dig confidence. Once you have that your natural personality takes over and either they like it or not, but at least its the truth.


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## LillyBBBW

KHayes666 said:


> Women dig confidence. Once you have that your natural personality takes over and either they like it or not, but at least its the truth.



Very true. There are all kinds of people in this world and a great many would prefer your company over Charlie Sheens.


----------



## PunkyGurly74

Miskatonic said:


> I think I have what it takes to date an SSBBW but I've found that typically the types of women I like--tall, amazonian, dominant women--don't have much interest in short guys like me.
> 
> I realize I don't really have the goods physically but I like to think I'm pretty solid as far as my personality goes. I get very shy around women though and it makes it really, REALLY hard to make a connection. Whenever I talk to someone--especially someone who is physically much larger than me height wise--I kinda crawl up my own behind and get real quiet and stuff.
> 
> Does anyone have any hints on how to loosen up and be more myself around big, beautiful ssbbw's? I feel like I'm blowing myself out of the water by becoming that awkward fourteen year old around ladies.



I am 5'10" and an SSBBW and I have dated several guys over the years around the 5'5" mark...some taller, a couple shorter... I do know it is a noticeable difference, but, one guy in particular was so confident about what he liked and so open - it was refreshing and sexy as hell!!!

Be bold. Be confident. It's a total turn on


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## bellyluver

Hey idk if this is the right place to ask this but let's say I wanted to send my ssbbw girlfriend to a day spa retreat would that work out ?


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## Never2fat4me

bellyluver said:


> Hey idk if this is the right place to ask this but let's say I wanted to send my ssbbw girlfriend to a day spa retreat would that work out ?



I don't know any woman who doesn't like to go to a spa! Bottom line here is making sure she will be comfortable and treated with respect, so planning is a must. You might make sure they can accommodate her if that might be an issue - e.g., if she is 500 lbs., make sure the tables can accommodate her comfortably; you could also ask if they have someone there who regularly works with larger women. You might also check whether there would be extra charges for her: never done this myself, but a mud wrap might cost more when you're doing it for someone with a 70-inch waist measurement than for someone whose only 26 inches around. When choosing a place to go, consult some of your lady's friends, particularly those who are bbws. They'll be the best source of advice.

Let us know how this all works out.

Best regards.

- Chris


----------



## pegz

Never2fat4me said:


> I don't know any woman who doesn't like to go to a spa! Bottom line here is making sure she will be comfortable and treated with respect, so planning is a must.
> 
> - Chris



Excellent answer Chris!


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## LifeTraveller

My wife and her daughter used to LOVE going to the day spa. . It was a time to relax and unwind. . as a rule, everything was available for my wife that was available for anyone smaller. . She worked a very stressful job, so an occasional day at the spa, or the masso-therapist, was always an investment. . in my humble opinion. . 

You do need to check and see if they are able to accommodate someone of "size", most of the time they could. . I'm not sure if/what at the local spa they couldn't do. . She was always in a such a good mood afterward, it didn't seem to matter..


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## bellyluver

Never2fat4me said:


> I don't know any woman who doesn't like to go to a spa! Bottom line here is making sure she will be comfortable and treated with respect, so planning is a must. You might make sure they can accommodate her if that might be an issue - e.g., if she is 500 lbs., make sure the tables can accommodate her comfortably; you could also ask if they have someone there who regularly works with larger women. You might also check whether there would be extra charges for her: never done this myself, but a mud wrap might cost more when you're doing it for someone with a 70-inch waist measurement than for someone whose only 26 inches around. When choosing a place to go, consult some of your lady's friends, particularly those who are bbws. They'll be the best source of advice.
> 
> Let us know how this all works out.
> 
> Best regards.
> 
> - Chris



Thanx man I'll theres a cupel in the ny that I'm going to go visit in my free time... If anyone knows a good Day spa in the NYC please let me know


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## bellyluver

LifeTraveller said:


> My wife and her daughter used to LOVE going to the day spa. . It was a time to relax and unwind. . as a rule, everything was available for my wife that was available for anyone smaller. . She worked a very stressful job, so an occasional day at the spa, or the masso-therapist, was always an investment. . in my humble opinion. .
> 
> You do need to check and see if they are able to accommodate someone of "size", most of the time they could. . I'm not sure if/what at the local spa they couldn't do. . She was always in a such a good mood afterward, it didn't seem to matter..



Thanx that's a great tip you guys where really helpful


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## RoseyGirl2010

Wow I finally made it to the end lol. It took me afew days but i'm glad I read every post (good and not so good). I really loved seeing the interaction between the women and especially finding about FA's. I didn't know there was such a thing. I am so happy to know that there are bbws and ssbws that have such fabulous loving men in their lives that think about them and their needs and being true gentlemen.

I'm an ssbbw who is in the 460lbs range and this site just makes me so proud to state that and be who I am and loving it. The last posts have been about us exercising when in reality anything some ssbbws do is exercise. A normal task like having a shower or doing the dishes is exercise for someone that is carrying 3 to 400+ pounds. I'm not talking about every person of size but some of the simple things can be exercise to us.

As for me I have to have a chair to sit on in the kitchen when i'm cooking or cleaning up because I don't want to have to lean over the sink all the time to support my back. Sitting on a chair to do things doesn't mean I want or need help, its just what I have to do to do what I have to do. So if a woman is cooking or cleaning for you and she sits on a chair don't freak out or try to do everything, she's more than capable of doing it because thats how she's always done it. 

Be aware of hard dining room chairs because after some time your date might start to lose feeling in her legs because her thighs are being sandwiched being a hard chair and her stomach. So eating in the living room might be more comfortable for some. Strong toilet seats are handy as well. My ass has disloged afew in my time lol especially at work but the next day it was always repaired for me to disloge it again lol.

If you want your bbw or ssbbw woman to be more active with you then help build up her endurance slowly like walking around the house or down the driveway or to the letterbox. Simple things like that make a difference, thats how I started moving about. Doing swiss ball exercises can be fun too because no matter how much you weigh, you will never pop it. Plus letting your woman know that you've got her and you won't let her fall is so sexy lol.

If you want to take her to the pool take note if there is easy access for her to get in and get out. At the pools I go to I can just walk in and walk out easily. Others may have ramps but if its just ladders it can be difficult because you are more heavier when you get out then when you get in. Saunas and Jacuzzis are also great for our bodies so you can just start there. As for walking please be aware of her and the walking pace. One long walk can leave her feet and legs swollen for a week. Its not fun. My friends and family always walk arm n arm with me or let me put my hand on their shoulder for balance and support. I love that they do that.

Just because some of us may have limitations doesn't mean we are limited. Its always nice to be asked whether we want to go somewhere than assuming we don't. I like to make the choice for me. If I said no i'd still love to hear about it instead of knowing you went somewhere fun and didn't ask me if I wanted to go and hearing about it. My siblings would do that to me all the time and it would frustrate me.

Well I think i've said more than enough lol. *RoseyGirl signing off*


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## kendall

some are going to resent this post. i m not poor nor rich. i have exprience with 600 lb gfs. i find most are spoiled and expect to get expensive food instead of same quality homemade, just like spoiled skinny girls with model aspirations grab for expensive cars and clothes jewels and $200 dinhhers wity dom peringnon vintage year. not all women but plenty.especially u.s.

some men are cheap. my choice is economize and serve quality. i dont own a car. wait. with the 10,000 i save i will spend $100 when we cant bus in.

i dont go to te gym or dress like a white pimp in armani suits. i look good i just dont waste money on junk. i can feed a 600 lb woman im a chef. f a 112lb model or a 512 lob model is a barbie i dont need her. if a guy is a cheap bum he doesnt deserve a lady. its that simple. dont feed rockerfellers instead feed your honey.


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## CastingPearls

kendall said:


> some are going to resent this post. i m not poor nor rich. i have exprience with 600 lb gfs. i find most are spoiled and expect to get expensive food instead of same quality homemade, just like spoiled skinny girls with model aspirations grab for expensive cars and clothes jewels and $200 dinhhers wity dom peringnon vintage year. not all women but plenty.especially u.s.
> 
> some men are cheap. my choice is economize and serve quality. i dont own a car. wait. with the 10,000 i save i will spend $100 when we cant bus in.
> 
> i dont go to te gym or dress like a white pimp in armani suits. i look good i just dont waste money on junk. i can feed a 600 lb woman im a chef. f a 112lb model or a 512 lob model is a barbie i dont need her. if a guy is a cheap bum he doesnt deserve a lady. its that simple. dont feed rockerfellers instead feed your honey.


On behalf of all women with good taste, thank you for removing yourself from the pool of eligibility.


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## KHayes666

kendall said:


> some are going to resent this post. i m not poor nor rich. i have exprience with 600 lb gfs. i find most are spoiled and expect to get expensive food instead of same quality homemade, just like spoiled skinny girls with model aspirations grab for expensive cars and clothes jewels and $200 dinhhers wity dom peringnon vintage year. not all women but plenty.especially u.s.
> 
> some men are cheap. my choice is economize and serve quality. i dont own a car. wait. with the 10,000 i save i will spend $100 when we cant bus in.
> 
> i dont go to te gym or dress like a white pimp in armani suits. i look good i just dont waste money on junk. i can feed a 600 lb woman im a chef. f a 112lb model or a 512 lob model is a barbie i dont need her. if a guy is a cheap bum he doesnt deserve a lady. its that simple. dont feed rockerfellers instead feed your honey.



1st. Nice grammar. 

2nd. You have absolutely no experience with girlfriends because most every girl I know prefers good homemade meals rather than expensive takeout. All those girls who want the 300 dollar jewelry and dom perrignon night after night wouldn't be available to anyone not named Lebron James so why bother?

3rd. No car? You expect a 500-600 pound woman to walk a mile to a bus or train station, expect her to fit in the seats (comfortably anyway) and then walk wherever you intend to go? That's not being spoiled, that's being physically incapable...more proof you have zero dating experience. If you're taking a cab that's a little better but still, way too much walking.

4th. You sound like a "cheap bum" to me. I probably make less than you do (if you're telling the truth) yet I have a car, armani clothes and can afford a nice upscale date for special occasions (see: anniversary). If you expect a 500 pound woman to take a bus or taxi to your place and eat ramen noodles every night, of course she's gonna want something better.

I can see the gist of your post is that average guys deserve better than the rich guys but when the average guys act like total dickbags, they deserve nothing.


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## Surlysomething

CastingPearls said:


> On behalf of all women with good taste, thank you for removing yourself from the pool of eligibility.







Bahaha. I wish I had some rep stashed away as this was totally worth of it.


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## Isa

Surlysomething said:


> Bahaha. I wish I had some rep stashed away as this was totally worth of it.



I cannot rep her either but but I do have enough to hit up Hayes. 

Kendall on the other hand, can go pound sand.


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## KHayes666

Isa said:


> I cannot rep her either but but I do have enough to hit up Hayes.
> 
> Kendall on the other hand, can go pound sand.



hi i like women but i no like payin for dem but i am not cheap dammit i am a good guy!


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## Scotter

Kendall, point of clarification please... are you talking about the first few dates, or in ongoing partnership type relationships? You mentioned 600lb gfs, so from that I would guess that you're referring to the latter, unless you're referring to a gf as someone who acquired that status before the first actual meeting (never can tell what some people mean by things these days).

This distinction is critical in a few ways. 

First, I think most SSBBWs have done the "Closet FA" experience, and all but those with irreparably low self-esteem are on guard against a repeat of such a scene. The closet FA is sexually attracted to SSBBW, but believes that its something he (or she) needs to keep secret because of what "other people," even total strangers, might think. To make matters worse, many closet FA's seem to think that the SS objects of their desires should be understanding and cooperative in their attempts to carry on a relationship in secret. It's like being the other woman even if there is no "other" woman. Here, the distinction between a new and ongoing relationship, from her point of view, is that if an FA wants to conduct the first few dates in the privacy a home or a hotel room, that is a major warning sign.

Secondly, any woman will judge not so much the man, as the man's motives and level of interest in her, by how far he is willing to go to impress her early in the relationship. The fact that he is willing to overextend himself during the process of becoming personally acquainted indicates to her that he is willing to put significant investment in a relationship with her. After all, if he isn't willing to do that in the beginning, how will she be treated once familiarity sets in? Here again, the distinction between an established relationship and a new one is significant.

Third, in an ongoing relationship, most reasonable women would have a very good idea of what you're financially capable of, and expect to be treated accordingly, at least on special occasions. A good woman would never expect you to over-extend yourself, but she still wants to be taken out occasionally so as to feel a part of society, and not isolated in a box at home.

If, as I am inclined to read in your post, you have had long-term girlfriends (I read long-term as implicit in the term girlfriend) who demanded that you overextend yourself for her entertainment on a frequent basis, then you did indeed have soiled brats on your hands. To that end, you mentioned "lob" models (not sure what that is but I'm guessing it's the same as web models). If you have been dating web models, keep in mind that they constantly receive very expensive gifts from men who either don't know them or have very shallow interests in them. Such gifts from strangers can range up to and including cars. If you have been meeting web models, you might want to observe very carefully their ideas of what they expect from a relationship. While most of the models are above that sort of materialism, some aren't, and those are the ones who would appear most eager to date you, until the generosity runs out.

Scott


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## SuperMishe

Surlysomething said:


> Bahaha. I wish I had some rep stashed away as this was totally worth of it.



Got her for you (us!)... 

I think Kevin said it... I cannot imagine a guy expecting me to take the bus on a date. In fact, since I don't fit in most cars because of the center console and these damned hips - I prefer to drive my OWN car anyway!


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## ssbbwnut

It sounds like someone need to invest into a car that has a bench seat...
Thankfully my 2002 Tarus HAS a bench seat...(hint)


Mishe..."dammed hips"? more like awesome, curvy, sexy hips, I think thats how you meant to word it..lol


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## Nenona

Some things I haven't seen on here before:
(Disclaimer: I only weigh 369, but I've been fat all my life and this is some little things that I've found to be important)


-Showers. Sometimes they're too tiny. I've told an ex before that I couldn't shower at his place because it was a little tiny plastic thing--set into the corner. It really really wasn't going to happen, ever. and he griped when I only took showers at my place and never kept stuff with him. So if you have a shower, make sure that it's a big tiled one with a shower curtain, and not a little corner one made out of molded plastic. And if you got an apartment with a Garden Tub, congrats, it's suddenly useful.

-he shoved me into a chair once--he went down the path of being "nice"--giving me a place to sit--without getting that tiny metal lawn chairs and I DO. NOT. MIX. My thighs hurt as soon as my butt hit the seat, and then when I stood I had to pry the damn thing off my ass. I'm glad I didn't break it because then that would have been really horrible--I'd have had to pay for this guy's shitty lawn chair because my ex refused to listen to me when I told him "No, this isn't going to work."

-Towels. Get big ones. Trust me, the tiny cheap ones from Wal-mart are not going to cut the cheese--find a brand that makes nice big, fluffy towels, and invest in 3 or 4. I use only one, some women use more.

-Air Conditioning--Central Heat/Air is best, because window units do cool the room but....they cool only one room. If you're 3 bedrooms away that room will never be proper cold and you'll have to deal with the loud-ass air conditioner every time it kicks on. Invest in a good central air unit, change the filter on a regular basis.

-Comfy Desk Chair/Comfy Couch--the best desk chairs have no arms on the sides for me. I loved the simple mesh ones they had in the college computer labs. For chairs, I really like the 1.5 chairs--the ones that are kind of huge, because I can tuck my feet up into them.

-Don't be a douche when she goes clothing shopping. I can't tell you how many eye-rolling whining guys have immediately started griping when I suggest we stop by Layne Bryant so I can grab some undies from their 5 for $25 pile. Also, I wear cotton undies because that's what's comfy. No I will not switch to thongs because thongs made for fat women are never comfortable for me. Respect her choices and realize that she's in comfy clothes for her FOR A REASON.

---also dealt with an ex who complained about my "style" and wished I would dress more like 'all the other girls'--he didn't get why I wasn't wearing the same clothes as them until I explained that they don't make hip and trendy clothing for fat girls, unless they're at a premium that I can't afford.

-If you're into weight gain, respect her wishes to not get any larger. I can't tell you how many guys have gone "but why don't you want to get to 500lbs?!" when they only want to date me "sometimes" and have no interest in a long-term relationship--but I've already explained that I'm happy at the size I am, and I'm not about to gain weight for this one guy when it would impact EVERY part of my life--from the clothes and underwear I wear to the car I can drive.
It's important to realize that it may be your fetish, but she has her own life--I'm happy at the size I am, I don't need to be any bigger, but guys insisting that I need to gain weight make me -extremely- uncomfortable about talking to anyone who's into feedism.

I hate to turn a guy away by saying "it's not like dating a normal girl, who happens to be fat" but...it really isn't. Once you get above 200lbs you're no longer an XL or a straight size or a size you can find anywhere--you're into clothing that has to be purchased from special stores--and then when you reach the upper realms of Layne Bryant you have to special order clothing online. So no, dating a 400 lb girl is not the same as dating a 120 lb girl--society treats the 400lb girl very differently, and you're going to have to make concessions for a woman that society doesn't like very much.


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## NewfieGal

I'm living the reality lol...and just to clarify don't need fancy stuff or fancy dinners lol I'm pretty down to earth lol... btw casting pearl you ROCK... oh and the reality is as well that SSBBW are like everyone else accept us as is and don't try to change us for the "better"  that is all


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## Navydude

Just saying....... 

View attachment My Armada.jpg


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## angeleyes68

I have just started dating a gentleman who is so accepting of my size it is refreshing. I would like to ask anyone out there is they have ever run into a situation where the BBW has bad knees and is unable to bend them but he wants the girl on top. We have talked and tried various solutions but seem to be having some trouble. If anyone has any suggestions it would be greatly appreciated. I have looked in various books but with my 380 lb size...the books are very limited. Please help.:blush:


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## CleverBomb

Weightlifting bench or the like, perhaps?
The idea would be to remain mostly standing during the festivities.


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## wreckless1967

CleverBomb said:


> Weightlifting bench or the like, perhaps?
> The idea would be to remain mostly standing during the festivities.



Ha Ha How most gracefully worded, festivities lol


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## bbwlibrarian

Nenona said:


> -Don't be a douche when she goes clothing shopping. I can't tell you how many eye-rolling whining guys have immediately started griping when I suggest we stop by Layne Bryant so I can grab some undies from their 5 for $25 pile. Also, I wear cotton undies because that's what's comfy. No I will not switch to thongs because thongs made for fat women are never comfortable for me. Respect her choices and realize that she's in comfy clothes for her FOR A REASON.



This is old but, ummm, yes! Lane Bryant's big girl panties might be expensive, but they are a superior product. Don't just suggest that we "swing by Walmart" and get a 6-pack of Hanes Her Way. There's a reason why my 300lb butt requires $15 panties, and there's an equally good reason why we've gotta go to the mall as soon as Lane Bryant announces a clearance sale.

It's probably obvious by now, but I've split a few hairs in the past over the price of underwear.


----------



## ssbbw4m4

This thread introduced me to this web forum and it really hit home so I wanted to take a couple minutes and add my own comments. Though I had dated larger women for several years, it was not until I met a SSBBW and we started dating that I learned about changed I would have to make in my life. I had a Mustang and a pick up truck and, when we went out, I had to take the truck with a stepping stool, I had made the mistake of showing up for our first date in the Mustang. Mistake number 1. I had to plan dates with very little walking. I had to replace my standard bed with a platform bed. I had to get a sofa that was more sturdy too. I also lived on the 3rd floor of a walk up apartment and, when my lease was up, I moved to the 1st floor. I did learn there are issues facing a woman that is 400+ pounds that a woman 250 pounds does not face. 

When my company transferred me to Germany, I had been seeing a SSBBW and had planned for her to visit me or, even come live with me there. I found a ground floor flat and bought a BMW sedan. When she flew to visit me, I had to buy a 1st class ticket (she said it was embarrassing to fly coach and was uncomfortable as well, even with 2 seats). She had been excited to come to Germany but, was miserable there. She came in the summer and German houses and apartments don't have air conditioning and, though the temperature was in the 80's, she was hot and miserable. I had rented a flat in a small town outside of Stuttgart. Though it was a pleasant little town, to go from shop to shop, you had to walk. That made things difficult for her. Thought she stayed a month, she was happy to leave. We had driven around Southern Germany to site see but, going to places like castles was out. She did enjoy the festival we went to and liked the German food and German beer but, the port-a-potties they set out, she did not like. When we took a weekend trip to Munchen, I had to find a hotel with a ground floor room (if you have been to Europe, many older hotels are converted homes with narrow staircases) and, I ended up sleeping on the floor as we worried the bed would not hold our combined weight (I am 210 lbs). 

SHe went home after her visit but, we broke up as a couple. I had a 3 year commitment in Germany and she did not want to come back. We did remain friends though. 

So, to make a short story even longer, dating a SSBBW does mean I had to make changed in the way I lived. Nothing major but, changes just the same.


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## musicman

Nenona said:


> -Don't be a douche when she goes clothing shopping. I can't tell you how many eye-rolling whining guys have immediately started griping when I suggest we stop by Lane Bryant so I can grab some undies from their 5 for $25 pile.



Wow, that's a huge red flag. Any man who objects to visiting Lane Bryant (or even waiting outside to watch the "scenery"  ) is certainly not an FA! I'm sorry you've had experiences like that.



Nenona said:


> I hate to turn a guy away by saying "it's not like dating a normal girl, who happens to be fat" but...it really isn't.



Absolutely! If a guy can't understand that (or can't learn it real quick), he's too stupid to be with an SSBBW (or any self-respecting woman, for that matter).


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## Grizzlybear

I have thought about the question you pose. And, to be honest, UncannyBruceman puts it quite well. I certainly don't mind treating a woman I'm with like a queen, but she has to act in such a way as to merit that treatment. I have dated several very large ladies and have found them, in every case, thinking of themselves as less than desirable. Mostly because society says they are.

I was watching a video earlier of Shane Koyczan at TED speaking about bullying, and a lot of that rings true in his speech for how society at large (no pun intended) treats groups that aren't considered "mainstream". I was raised to believe that people are going to be whatever people are; society be damned. Sure, we all have to play the game a little, but to be so judgmental of those who don't jump into the deep end of it is so disrespectful and so (to me) loathsome an idea.

So, to my point with that mini-rant: if I'm in a relationship with a ssbbw, the personality and emotional well-being of that woman are my first and foremost interest, and what I most seek to bolster and protect. Of course the physical plays a role in any relationship, but making each other happy is what I'm in it for.

Here's a link to the aforementioned video on YouTube:

http://youtu.be/sa1iS1MqUy4


----------



## ecogeek

This is quite a noble concept. I think in past relationships this has always been the biggest let down to me. Back home in the US I never really experienced it, but it is quite common for people to say rude shit to me in the streets or walking past pubs etc. Seems to just be the way here. Just once, I think it would be nice to be defended. To the point of once asking my ex husband why he didn't and he said to me that he "never heard anything." Right. Hard to ignore when people are yelling at you. 



Grizzlybear said:


> if I'm in a relationship with a ssbbw, the personality and emotional well-being of that woman are my first and foremost interest, and what I most seek to bolster and protect.


----------



## CaAggieGirl

LillyBBBW said:


> Try and see if you can get a car where there is no buckle torture, and then there's the obvious making sure the seatbelt with fit her. That's easy to take care of though, just make sure the dealer gets you an extender.



This! I do not always have problems with seatbelts, but occasionally I do. Just get one just in case. It will be appreciated.


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## bullsman812000

The Reality about being with SSBBW is the sexy is out of this world that the reality lol no you just need to slow down be patient men tend to be in a hurry all the time


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## bullsman812000

The Reality about being with SSBBW is the sex is out of this world that the reality lol no you just need to slow down be patient men tend to be in a hurry all the time


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## Veryfat4u

Not all guys like that. But I enjoy my size


----------



## nixon

ssbbw4m4 said:


> When we took a weekend trip to Munchen, I had to find a hotel with a ground floor room (if you have been to Europe, many older hotels are converted homes with narrow staircases) and, I ended up sleeping on the floor as we worried the bed would not hold our combined weight (I am 210 lbs).



Were you on an extremely tight budget? Because while the converted old homes is undoubtedly true and there can be small cities with almost only such hotels, you are talking about Munich here. There is an abundance of chain hotels and better houses there with air conditioning, elevators and sturdy beds. Not even just talking luxury chains, there will be Best Western, Radisson, InterCity, Marriot, etc., which would have suited her needs just fine. 

I get having trouble visiting Neuschwanstein, but there is literally no problem finding a great hotel in Berlin, Hamburg, Munich, Bremen, Cologne etc.


----------



## Excellent21

I would love to date an SSBBW, but I'm so awkward around girls I find attractive that I only have friends (good friends, but still just friends).

I am quite eccentric, and so it is hard to find ANYONE who is interested in talking about mariculture, linguistics or astrobiology (to give three examples)...Let alone an attractive partner 

Now, before you call sexism on me, I try to apply the golden rule and the doctrine of reciprocity to all my conduct: Thus, I have no qualms about looking at pornography because I have no problem being objectified by a willing sexual partner and I likewise do not take money without repaying it with interest ASAP and I give as much as the girl I'm trying to get to like me needs. I try to talk to her about what she is interested in, and I expect her to talk to me about what I am interested in in exchange.

But no matter how nice I am, no matter how much I offer to help the girl study (I'm great in college academics), how respectful and decent I behave or how accepting of her friends I be (or sometimes force myself to be, when they seem like jerks or are annoying), I never get a date.

Anyway, I would say (though obviously I have no actual experience) that an SSBBW girl would deserve treatment based on the same fundemental principles.

It becomes complicated for me because the SSBBWs I approach on campus (I have BBW friends, but none are availible; I am sad to say I have no SSBBW friends, let alone a girlfriend...) are very attractive, and oftentimes clearly intelligent (from what I can tell from what they are reading ) but seem confused and awkward as to why I approach them when a gregarious, slender, girl is very nearby. This makes me feel bad about making the girl feel uncomftorble, and so I can't really make any moves or what have you.

As for the size factor of SSBBWs, in any relationship with a SSBBW, I would be sure to follow the Golden Rule and the Doctrine of Reciprocity.


----------



## Excellent21

CaAggieGirl said:


> This! I do not always have problems with seatbelts, but occasionally I do. Just get one just in case. It will be appreciated.


Good to take note of, for myself and other SSBBW lovers!


----------



## fuelingfire

I have slowly been reading this thread, and felt the need comment before even finish reading all of the pages. I have only read to the 20th page so far, but at the very least you have impacted one person to be more helpful to their wife. I met her 12 years ago when she was between being busty and a BBW. Over time she has become somewhere between BBW and SSBBW naturally. After ready many posts here, a lot of dots where connected. She over the years more and more has been telling me I walk to fast. Asking more for help getting up from the couch. And asking me to grab stuff from around the house for her. These are things she didnt do in the first years of dating. I was puzzled why she was saying this stuff so much.
I dont know if I never connected the dots because I think of her as my lovely wife rather than a fat chick (I look at her and think shes ridiculously hot, rather than fat). Or if its because she was thinner when we met and I never thought about her changing.
Now that I understand why she is asking for these things, I will happily help her out. I just wanted to thank everyone who has been contributing to this thread, you have impacted others lives. 
Thank you so much!


----------



## Luv Gaining Ladies

I've been married to a Reubenesque woman for over eight years. I love every curve and dimple on her body - I don't need a 36-24-36 woman or some skinny bitch who counts every calorie and has no figure whatsoever. If anything, I don't care if she weights 600 pounds as long as she's happy with it and isn't in imminent risk of death.

However, she always had a problem with feeling embarrassed by her size. On airplanes, she always needed a seat belt extender - however, I as the loving husband would save her the embarrassment by asking for one for myself and quietly slipping it to her. Another situation full of embarrassment was going to hockey games - I LOVE hockey and have turned her into a fan, and this past year we went on two trips centered around games. However, in both cases, because of her size, we had to go to handicapped seating (and in St. Paul, MN, that's WAY up in the nosebleeds, although at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, I couldn't fit in the seats either but that may be because I'm ridiculously tall.) Of course, at games I embarrass her anyway by shouting at the refs.

However, for me it's a small price to pay. For her? I understand why she chose to have WLS even if I secretly wish she could be her old size without the health scares.


----------



## bullsman812000

Yes your right you should have been drop off closer. But I do love to hear a women huffing and buffing, I'd kissing your ass all those miles and rub those toes, shit we would have never made to concert.


----------



## GordoNegro

For some its a learning process as some ssbbw are more physically fit, confident, able than others; though from personal experience if you cannot provide accommodations for their comfort, clothing, lifestyle etc. then save your $ until then.
Romance without Finance has no chance, goes for all women regardless of size.
If you cannot pamper a woman, tend to her needs and make her feel special, I'd personally rather fall back, stay single until I was able to.


----------



## Sweetuntil

BeautifulPoeticDisaster said:


> Yup. A SSBBW is a financial commitment. We require all sorts of special things....and replacement of broken things. The reason I am home alone right now is that we couldn't afford a round trip to the states for me....2 seats.  I'd rather be comfy and look ghetto than look post and be absolutely miserable!


That's why i don't fly!


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## TwoSwords

GordoNegro said:


> Romance without Finance has no chance, goes for all women regardless of size.
> If you cannot pamper a woman, tend to her needs and make her feel special, I'd personally rather fall back, stay single until I was able to.



While most men would love to have the chance to give their beloved everything, the truth is that most relationships don't necessarily involve at least one wealthy person, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm reminded of the scene from the Christmas Carol, where the Ghost of Christmas Past took Scrooge back to witness his breakup with Fan, where she told him...

"Our contract is an old one. It was made when we were both poor and content to be so, until, in good season, we could improve our worldly fortune by our patient industry. You are changed. When it was made, you were another man."

Yes, they wanted money, but it wasn't an integral part of their relationship, or of either of their hearts, until Scrooge began to "fear the world too much."

I do think certain worldly possessions *are* needed to support a close relationship with an SSBBW, but not every woman depends on money, in order to make the relationship successful. Enough money, however, can make a relationship more enjoyable, though too much can make it positively torturous. It's complex.


----------



## LillyBBBW

TwoSwords said:


> While most men would love to have the chance to give their beloved everything, the truth is that most relationships don't necessarily involve at least one wealthy person, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm reminded of the scene from the Christmas Carol, where the Ghost of Christmas Past took Scrooge back to witness his breakup with Fan, where she told him...
> 
> "Our contract is an old one. It was made when we were both poor and content to be so, until, in good season, we could improve our worldly fortune by our patient industry. You are changed. When it was made, you were another man."
> 
> Yes, they wanted money, but it wasn't an integral part of their relationship, or of either of their hearts, until Scrooge began to "fear the world too much."
> 
> I do think certain worldly possessions *are* needed to support a close relationship with an SSBBW, but not every woman depends on money, in order to make the relationship successful. Enough money, however, can make a relationship more enjoyable, though too much can make it positively torturous. It's complex.



As a ssbbw it costs me more to live than it does a skinny person. Of course I'm generalizing but clothes, furniture, travel - even my dietary requirements cost more whether overeating or observing eating habits for health purposes. Rich or poor, these are the variables I must consider as a single person. Conserving water by taking 3 minute showers won't work for an Ssbbw, nor will a cheap wall-mounted toilet. Any partner who is going to want to go cheap will have to consider that there are some things that they won't be able to do this with when cohabitation with BHM/SSBBW.


----------



## landshark

LillyBBBW said:


> As a ssbbw it costs me more to live than it does a skinny person. Of course I'm generalizing but clothes, furniture, travel - even my dietary requirements cost more whether overeating or observing eating habits for health purposes. Rich or poor, these are the variables I must consider as a single person. Conserving water by taking 3 minute showers won't work for an Ssbbw, nor will a cheap wall-mounted toilet. Any partner who is going to want to go cheap will have to consider that there are some things that they won't be able to do this with when cohabitation with BHM/SSBBW.



As I said elsewhere about my wife: luxury comes at a price!


----------



## fuelingfire

happily_married said:


> As I said elsewhere about my wife: luxury comes at a price!



That is the perfect wording!


----------



## TwoSwords

LillyBBBW said:


> As a ssbbw it costs me more to live than it does a skinny person. Of course I'm generalizing but clothes, furniture, travel - even my dietary requirements cost more whether overeating or observing eating habits for health purposes. Rich or poor, these are the variables I must consider as a single person. Conserving water by taking 3 minute showers won't work for an Ssbbw, nor will a cheap wall-mounted toilet. Any partner who is going to want to go cheap will have to consider that there are some things that they won't be able to do this with when cohabitation with BHM/SSBBW.



Yes. That sounds accurate.


----------



## Harley Rider

Having been out of the dating world for several years, I read this thread today to see if there were any changes/anything new. It struck me funny that I had never thought of the subtle changes I had made in my life due to my preference for SSBBWs, such as cars, dining, etc and the added cost. But you know as I have always thought, what a better way to spend my money. You can Love money and the things it can buy, BUT only an SSBBW can Love you back!!!!


----------



## ChattyBecca

LillyBBBW said:


> As a ssbbw it costs me more to live than it does a skinny person. Of course I'm generalizing but clothes, furniture, travel - even my dietary requirements cost more whether overeating or observing eating habits for health purposes. Rich or poor, these are the variables I must consider as a single person. Conserving water by taking 3 minute showers won't work for an Ssbbw, nor will a cheap wall-mounted toilet. Any partner who is going to want to go cheap will have to consider that there are some things that they won't be able to do this with when cohabitation with BHM/SSBBW.



Very well stated. It's everything! Be open and honest about needs.


----------



## In to it

happily_married said:


> As I said elsewhere about my wife: luxury comes at a price!


 This simple one line sums it up perfectly. My partner is a CPA and works from home and she did all my business books until I sold my business. The hallways and doors had to be widened and a large shower had to be installed with a built in bench. The front of the house needed to be changed to wide double doors and at the back custom sliding doors with ramps for her motor chair. Any stairs inside were converted to ramps so that she could move about in her chair except for the basement recreation room. All in all everything is about her and her comfort and worth every penny.


----------



## TwoSwords

In to it said:


> This simple one line sums it up perfectly. My partner is a CPA and works from home and she did all my business books until I sold my business. The hallways and doors had to be widened and a large shower had to be installed with a built in bench. The front of the house needed to be changed to wide double doors and at the back custom sliding doors with ramps for her motor chair. Any stairs inside were converted to ramps so that she could move about in her chair except for the basement recreation room. All in all everything is about her and her comfort and worth every penny.



She sounds very supportive, as far as her means allow for, which is all anyone can reasonably ask. I see why you'd be willing to make so many sacrifices.


----------



## In to it

TwoSwords said:


> She sounds very supportive, as far as her means allow for, which is all anyone can reasonably ask. I see why you'd be willing to make so many sacrifices.


 TwoSwords I don't think all we do for one another is a sacrifice. I never pressured her into gaining she loves everything about being a large woman. I enjoy doing everything together with her and she never wanted me to sell my business because she wants to keep her business going which she has. I love when she asks me to rub her body with coconut butter or asks for me to cook something for her. I get comfort in keeping her comfortable and happy.


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## TwoSwords

In to it said:


> TwoSwords I don't think all we do for one another is a sacrifice. I never pressured her into gaining she loves everything about being a large woman. I enjoy doing everything together with her and she never wanted me to sell my business because she wants to keep her business going which she has. I love when she asks me to rub her body with coconut butter or asks for me to cook something for her. I get comfort in keeping her comfortable and happy.



Those are the best kinds of relationships. It fills me with hope to hear of this kind of thing happening to someone.


----------



## extra_m13

after reading most of the posts i ll put my two cents if you allow me. the topic 'the reality of dating an ssbbw' is of course a very interesting one for me. it would be delightful to date one. and as for what you need to consider, the tips are more than useful. but i think it is fair, and it has been said here and there that there are accommodations to have with every partner we have if we want a fulfilling relationship over the long term. not just a couple of nights or months. if you happen to be dating a fitness junkie you better be ok with her counting calories and going 5-6 times a week to the gym and probably youll need to be in good shape to follow her on hiking or cycling or whatever is that they do on weekends. if you are dating a vegan forget about going to certain restaurants. religion is another matter of course that requires certain things to do... the key here is always the willingness to do something for the other person, to be emphatic and try to help in any way. of course, the perfect combo is a happy ssbbw, healthy, joyful, full of life that embraces her curves, that would be my pleasure to serve in any way i can. thank you for reading.


----------



## LifelongFA

The reality is that if you want to experience ALL the joys of being with a SSBBW (and there are many, just ask me!), you have to be willing to embrace the lifestyle as I call it, and all that it involves. It is a commitment, a mindset and many of life's choices are impacted by it. To me, it has been a no-brainer. I have been able to live what started out 25 years ago as a dream, and have never looked back.


----------



## Mr. Jigglesworth

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell


I've not only thought about it, I've lived it. I know what the issues are and how to take measures to avoid them. Also I hear you on the type of car we should drive. I'd love to own a Mini Cooper cause it'd be fun and fast to drive. But I realize my dream girl would either be uncomfortable or not fit, (I like 'em really big), so I have to have a car to accommodate her need for comfort and space. I am also what I call house-broken as I cook, bake, can do chores around the house, but limited in the electrical dept. So if anyone has any questions about my talents, just ask. I'm experienced with women upto 600+ but am always willing to learn new things.


----------



## Volt01

Mr. Jigglesworth said:


> I've not only thought about it, I've lived it. I know what the issues are and how to take measures to avoid them. Also I hear you on the type of car we should drive. I'd love to own a Mini Cooper cause it'd be fun and fast to drive. But I realize my dream girl would either be uncomfortable or not fit, (I like 'em really big), so I have to have a car to accommodate her need for comfort and space. I am also what I call house-broken as I cook, bake, can do chores around the house, but limited in the electrical dept. So if anyone has any questions about my talents, just ask. I'm experienced with women upto 600+ but am always willing to learn new things.



hey i drive a classic volkswagen beetle, ill try and make it work


----------



## DragonFly

Back on topic is a great idea. Before you guys make any kind of decision or change what you are doing, read through this thread. 

One thing that I have experienced is that I get between 40 and 80 requests for messages on Instagram every week. These are all men, many trying to pass themselves off as American Soldiers that are stationed overseas. It is a scam, I’ve read about it, saw the news clips about it, heck I’ve watched the show catfished. So that means the likelihood of me engaging with someone from IG is null. 

Many supersized women myself included have horror stories about how we have been treated, dumped, used, and just not had good luck with the guys. I was made fun of all through school and even I to college I was an outcast. Unfortunately when you approach me you are paying the price of the ones that did not do it nicely.


----------



## BigElectricKat

DragonFly said:


> Back on topic is a great idea. Before you guys make any kind of decision or change what you are doing, read through this thread.
> 
> One thing that I have experienced is that I get between 40 and 80 requests for messages on Instagram every week. These are all men, many trying to pass themselves off as American Soldiers that are stationed overseas. It is a scam, I’ve read about it, saw the news clips about it, heck I’ve watched the show catfished. So that means the likelihood of me engaging with someone from IG is null.
> 
> Many supersized women myself included have horror stories about how we have been treated, dumped, used, and just not had good luck with the guys. I was made fun of all through school and even I to college I was an outcast. Unfortunately when you approach me you are paying the price of the ones that did not do it nicely.


And here lies the conundrum we face: On the one hand, we have guys who are looking for love, companionship, and relationships with lovely women of size but can't seem to find them anywhere. They are willing to do most anything right and decent in the spirit of togetherness but for some reason the apple of their eye remains elusive.
On the other hand, we have many, many women, both young and more mature alike, that have been jaded by similar experiences as what DragonFly has alluded to: crappy catfish stories, scammers, and outright jackasses. I get it. Most people are vulnerable when it comes to affairs of the heart and most times your fears are doubled when/if you are a BBW/BHM and every iteration thereof. It's hard to trust when your trust's been broken, kicked, and stepped upon so many times. Us guys just have to be patient and show our true selves as much as possible. We all have to take risks; even though there's a chance of getting hurt (again). What's the alternative? Being alone when you know good and damn well you don't really want to be? Just keep swinging ladies and gentlemen. Just keep swinging!


----------



## VVET

Found out that my wife's cousin (who planned our trip to Las Vegas & The Grand Canyon) had very little idea of what handicapped access is. She asked if you could get a scooter on an Cadillac Escalade(yes after lifting the 187# scooter about 3 feet), a tour bus(yes, but you still had to climb the stairs on & off of it) ((My wife fell once getting off)) afterward I had to help her get into bed, as the beds were tall & she's short, & hurting after the fall. Also there were excellent cabs for loading scooters/wheelchairs, for going around town or back to the airport. Also to note, anyone going to Hawaii, we highly commend Access Aloha, for anyone needing handicapped travel on Oahu.


----------



## landshark

Nenona said:


> Some things I haven't seen on here before:
> (Disclaimer: I only weigh 369, but I've been fat all my life and this is some little things that I've found to be important)
> 
> 
> -Showers. Sometimes they're too tiny. I've told an ex before that I couldn't shower at his place because it was a little tiny plastic thing--set into the corner. It really really wasn't going to happen, ever. and he griped when I only took showers at my place and never kept stuff with him. So if you have a shower, make sure that it's a big tiled one with a shower curtain, and not a little corner one made out of molded plastic. And if you got an apartment with a Garden Tub, congrats, it's suddenly useful.
> 
> -he shoved me into a chair once--he went down the path of being "nice"--giving me a place to sit--without getting that tiny metal lawn chairs and I DO. NOT. MIX. My thighs hurt as soon as my butt hit the seat, and then when I stood I had to pry the damn thing off my ass. I'm glad I didn't break it because then that would have been really horrible--I'd have had to pay for this guy's shitty lawn chair because my ex refused to listen to me when I told him "No, this isn't going to work."
> 
> -Towels. Get big ones. Trust me, the tiny cheap ones from Wal-mart are not going to cut the cheese--find a brand that makes nice big, fluffy towels, and invest in 3 or 4. I use only one, some women use more.
> 
> -Air Conditioning--Central Heat/Air is best, because window units do cool the room but....they cool only one room. If you're 3 bedrooms away that room will never be proper cold and you'll have to deal with the loud-ass air conditioner every time it kicks on. Invest in a good central air unit, change the filter on a regular basis.
> 
> -Comfy Desk Chair/Comfy Couch--the best desk chairs have no arms on the sides for me. I loved the simple mesh ones they had in the college computer labs. For chairs, I really like the 1.5 chairs--the ones that are kind of huge, because I can tuck my feet up into them.
> 
> -Don't be a douche when she goes clothing shopping. I can't tell you how many eye-rolling whining guys have immediately started griping when I suggest we stop by Layne Bryant so I can grab some undies from their 5 for $25 pile. Also, I wear cotton undies because that's what's comfy. No I will not switch to thongs because thongs made for fat women are never comfortable for me. Respect her choices and realize that she's in comfy clothes for her FOR A REASON.
> 
> ---also dealt with an ex who complained about my "style" and wished I would dress more like 'all the other girls'--he didn't get why I wasn't wearing the same clothes as them until I explained that they don't make hip and trendy clothing for fat girls, unless they're at a premium that I can't afford.
> 
> -If you're into weight gain, respect her wishes to not get any larger. I can't tell you how many guys have gone "but why don't you want to get to 500lbs?!" when they only want to date me "sometimes" and have no interest in a long-term relationship--but I've already explained that I'm happy at the size I am, and I'm not about to gain weight for this one guy when it would impact EVERY part of my life--from the clothes and underwear I wear to the car I can drive.
> It's important to realize that it may be your fetish, but she has her own life--I'm happy at the size I am, I don't need to be any bigger, but guys insisting that I need to gain weight make me -extremely- uncomfortable about talking to anyone who's into feedism.
> 
> I hate to turn a guy away by saying "it's not like dating a normal girl, who happens to be fat" but...it really isn't. Once you get above 200lbs you're no longer an XL or a straight size or a size you can find anywhere--you're into clothing that has to be purchased from special stores--and then when you reach the upper realms of Layne Bryant you have to special order clothing online. So no, dating a 400 lb girl is not the same as dating a 120 lb girl--society treats the 400lb girl very differently, and you're going to have to make concessions for a woman that society doesn't like very much.



The guys lamenting no BBWs available in their areas, I’d you read nothing else, read @DragonFly post above and read the post I’ve quoted here.

Between the defenses some women construct for the reasons she lays out and the day to day challenges larger girls face (see the post I quoted) you definitely need to be ready to 1) navigate through a complex minefield of emotional issues and 2) be ready to settle in for the long haul when helping her deal with daily frustrations.

The member I quoted hasn’t posted in some time, but it may as well have been my wife posting what she did. Every single one of her frustrations are things I’ve seen my wife grapple with too. 

It isn’t always fun. It isn’t always glamorous. It damn sure isn’t always sexy. It’s a lot to deal with at times. And just “liking fat girls” is not going to be enough to get you in. Each person is unique and may not be motivated by the same things that other bigger girls value.

Like I said, it’s a complex minefield. And even once you find the one you’re not done. At that point you’re only getting started!


----------



## BigElectricKat

happily_married said:


> The guys lamenting no BBWs available in their areas, I’d you read nothing else, read @DragonFly post above and read the post I’ve quoted here.
> 
> Between the defenses some women construct for the reasons she lays out and the day to day challenges larger girls face (see the post I quoted) you definitely need to be ready to 1) navigate through a complex minefield of emotional issues and 2) be ready to settle in for the long haul when helping her deal with daily frustrations.
> 
> The member I quoted hasn’t posted in some time, but it may as well have been my wife posting what she did. Every single one of her frustrations are things I’ve seen my wife grapple with too.
> 
> It isn’t always fun. It isn’t always glamorous. It damn sure isn’t always sexy. It’s a lot to deal with at times. And just “liking fat girls” is not going to be enough to get you in. Each person is unique and may not be motivated by the same things that other bigger girls value.
> 
> Like I said, it’s a complex minefield. And even once you find the one you’re not done. At that point you’re only getting started!


You make a good point. Folks (guys) are generally looking at the prospect of dating a SSBBW with an eye toward primarily the sexual side of things. But as you point out, there's a lot more that goes into being in a relationship than just sex. You have to be prepared to deal with all of the other aspects of living with/dating someone who is larger than life. You have to go into it with "a servant's heart" and be prepared to do more than buy meals and flowers (although I'm sure many would appreciate those gestures).


----------



## DragonFly

goodman4ssbbw said:


> So difficult to find a SSBBW that isn't happily married.


Lol! We are out there.


----------



## DragonFly

BigElectricKat said:


> You make a good point. Folks (guys) are generally looking at the prospect of dating a SSBBW with an eye toward primarily the sexual side of things. But as you point out, there's a lot more that goes into being in a relationship than just sex. You have to be prepared to deal with all of the other aspects of living with/dating someone who is larger than life. You have to go into it with "a servant's heart" and be prepared to do more than buy meals and flowers (although I'm sure many would appreciate those gestures).


You guys both make good points.


----------



## Sidhuriel

Railroad Man said:


> Conventional wisdom holds that men aren't attracted to SSBBWs. Well, every time I see one in Walmart, she's got a kid or two in the cart. Kids don't make themselves



Indeed. I never had trouble finding love as a fat girl. I think as long as someone can look beyond cultural expectations and has the confidence to follow their dreams, they will happily date anyone of a body type they desire and there's plenty of love for SSBBWS and BBWS to go around.


----------



## DragonFly

If you find your posts missing I moved some over to create a new thread titled 

Fa Dating Frustrations 

https://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/threads/fa-dating-frustrations.127924/

I felt it was an important enough topic to merit its own space.


----------



## GeeseHoward

BigElectricKat said:


> You make a good point. Folks (guys) are generally looking at the prospect of dating a SSBBW with an eye toward primarily the sexual side of things. But as you point out, there's a lot more that goes into being in a relationship than just sex. You have to be prepared to deal with all of the other aspects of living with/dating someone who is larger than life. You have to go into it with "a servant's heart" and be prepared to do more than buy meals and flowers (although I'm sure many would appreciate those gestures).



This is absolute gold and completely sums up everything perfectly. You're completely right in what your saying about initial dating, people don't entirely commit at that point and a lot of the future fore-planning can be taken for granted.


----------



## Jimevil2000

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell



This is true for any relationship. They all have obstacles to overcome. Yes, there are issues specific to being a ssbbw or a mature ssbbw, but like any relationship you work through them or you get the boot!


----------



## TheStaunton

DragonFly said:


> Lol! We are out there.



I hope so, I really do


----------



## TheStaunton

GeeseHoward said:


> This is absolute gold and completely sums up everything perfectly. You're completely right in what your saying about initial dating, people don't entirely commit at that point and a lot of the future fore-planning can be taken for granted.



Think also a lot of people fall in love with the fetish, but not the person....that's kind of an internet thing

It's a good reminder to keep in mind the requirements, and always love the person, and take care of them


----------



## Pauloburgess

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell



I think that at first? A lot of us don’t.

I had to learn a bit. Stairs, walking, booths in restaurants, bars, anything really.

I am 40 now, so not young, but grown. I learned a lot about being respectful of physical needs when I was young.

I am mindful to balance as best as I can being respectful of needs but not treating a Lady’s weight as a disability.


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## maxi333

I'm a thin guy and wouldn't want that to have an effect on my lady if she is a ssbbw.. do you think that it's a problem?? I find bigger women so dam sexy


----------



## maxi333

DragonFly said:


> Back on topic is a great idea. Before you guys make any kind of decision or change what you are doing, read through this thread.
> 
> One thing that I have experienced is that I get between 40 and 80 requests for messages on Instagram every week. These are all men, many trying to pass themselves off as American Soldiers that are stationed overseas. It is a scam, I’ve read about it, saw the news clips about it, heck I’ve watched the show catfished. So that means the likelihood of me engaging with someone from IG is null.
> 
> Many supersized women myself included have horror stories about how we have been treated, dumped, used, and just not had good luck with the guys. I was made fun of all through school and even I to college I was an outcast. Unfortunately when you approach me you are paying the price of the ones that did not do it nicely.



Dang that's sad to hear that you had difficulties like that.. I imagine it must be tough being objectified. Its a difficult line, some people find big women sexy, but then isn't it the same for all women when guys have a particular preference?


----------



## DragonFly

maxi333 said:


> Dang that's sad to hear that you had difficulties like that.. I imagine it must be tough being objectified. Its a difficult line, some people find big women sexy, but then isn't it the same for all women when guys have a particular preference?


I wasn’t really being objectified I was being preyed upon. Considered less than and so desperate that I would send money to a stranger just for a few compliments. In school I was bullied, threatened, harassed, and basically left to defend myself. There was no anti-bullying campaigns. I was fat and unattractive and it was my fault because I was lazy and did not have any willpower. Two older girls were threatening to kill me, parents didn’t seem to feel like they should do anything, and the school counselor blamed it on me. 
My expierences and the experiences of many of the largest of women here are nothing like how a thin woman may be objectified. 
From cat fishing to outright abuse the story of large women is very different. 

And ghosting..... not just a young people thing, I have been ghosted by men well into their 50s. I’ve actually given up the search, gone into retirement from the dating scene. The juice is not worth the squeeze


----------



## DazzlingAnna

DragonFly said:


> I wasn’t really being objectified I was being preyed upon. Considered less than and so desperate that I would send money to a stranger just for a few compliments. In school I was bullied, threatened, harassed, and basically left to defend myself. There was no anti-bullying campaigns. I was fat and unattractive and it was my fault because I was lazy and did not have any willpower. Two older girls were threatening to kill me, parents didn’t seem to feel like they should do anything, and the school counselor blamed it on me.
> My expierences and the experiences of many of the largest of women here are nothing like how a thin woman may be objectified.
> From cat fishing to outright abuse the story of large women is very different.
> 
> And ghosting..... not just a young people thing, I have been ghosted by men well into their 50s. I’ve actually given up the search, gone into retirement from the dating scene. The juice is not worth the squeeze



This is so sad to read.
I've made some similar experiences in my life. I can relate very well to a lot of what @DragonFly wrote.
I guess everybody is going through a tough time in school and life - but once you've learned that being fat is the reason for being treated like that - things keep going.

As a result of my personal experiences over many years for me there was absolutely no doubt that I AM unattractive because I was fat and lazy and without any willpower. .. etc etc and they can treat me however they want. I don't deserve better.

People in general and men in specific had to try hard to convince me that they didn't lie when they were saying I was beautiful or something.
In fact I didn't believe any of this for many, many years. (they were giving compliments to get something else (money, work to be done, ...) from me - that's what I was thinking)

This definitely hinders dating as a fat woman (that I've always been), same as it hinders to lead a healthy relationship.

Up to now I still feel sometimes that I have to give back more and that I have to be extremely grateful that people spend time with me.  I know this is a wrong attitude - and it is already changing...


----------



## AmyJo1976

Life can be very hard at times for a woman of size, as specially an SSBBW when the majority of society views you in a negative manner. There are men out there that truly appreciate us though, you just have to be willing to put yourself out there to be found. And there is always great support from all the lovely people here on Dims!


----------



## DragonFly

I just wanted to say that in my life I have had two fantastic loves, the first for 17 years, we grew apart, we are the best of friends and speak or text daily. My second love passed away unexpectedly in Oct of 2016. 

In my post I wanted to make sure I really explained that it was not objectification I was dealing with but a form of socially approved attack. Things are better today than they were 30 years ago, but when you add ageism to sizeism it is rather bleak.


----------



## Stargazer78

Here is my concern.
I think a lot of women here have had dates that have claimed to only like fat women. My wife told me some time ago that she noticed in bed almost immediately whether that was true or not.
She said that she realizied at once if the man ever had sex with a fat woman.
I would be interested to see if other women can confirm this.


----------



## BigElectricKat

Stargazer78 said:


> Here is my concern.
> I think a lot of women here have had dates that have claimed to only like fat women. My wife told me some time ago that she noticed in bed almost immediately whether that was true or not.
> She said that she realizied at once if the man ever had sex with a fat woman.
> I would be interested to see if other women can confirm this.


I don't think that is a fair assessment. What about those guys (or gals) who are just discovering their affinity for plus-sized people. There is a first time for everything. And not all people (fat or otherwise) like the same things.


----------



## landshark

BigElectricKat said:


> I don't think that is a fair assessment. What about those guys (or gals) who are just discovering their affinity for plus-sized people. There is a first time for everything. And not all people (fat or otherwise) like the same things.



Agree. I was a little awkward in bed as I adjusted to plus size partners. But I was sincere and genuinely wanted to be there with them in that moment.

@Stargazer78 did your wife ever elaborate and explain what she meant?


----------



## BigElectricKat

happily_married said:


> Agree. I was a little awkward in bed as I adjusted to plus size partners. But I was sincere and genuinely wanted to be there with them in that moment.



Completely agree with you hm! As in any new experience, there will be growing pains. But gauge us by our sincerity, willingness, and passion. If you find those in a lover, most everything else can be worked out.


----------



## op user

Would a bit of awkwardness is justified by the size of the lady. For instance an FA is accustomed at a size - yet when they are lucky to attract a larger lady how quickly "is he required" for lack of a better term, to adjust to the new size? And if he doesn't adapt quickly enough should he "lost" the FA term?


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## AmyJo1976

I'm not sure what you're trying to say. An FA is an FA. Either you like fat or you don't. It doesn't matter what size your partner is. If they're a size 12 or 32, if you prefer a fat partner, then you're an FA.


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## op user

Write thanks for your input. A woman size 12 and a woman size 32 have different bodies even if they are both apple. The bellies or the arms would be of different size and the FA who is used to the size 12 would be awkward when taking care of one at 32 maybe he is not used the size of the arms and how to handle them. In other words he may be awkward because he is in a unknown but nevertheless familiar territory. 

So yes he is happy to be with a big lady but then again we is uncertain of how to proceed. 

I am afraid I don't know how to express it.


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## jakemcduck

I've dated both 12ish and 32ish sizes and I don't get what you mean about handling them. Are we talking about a wrestling match?


----------



## op user

happily_married said:


> Agree. I was a little awkward in bed as I adjusted to plus size partners. But I was sincere and genuinely wanted to be there with them in that moment.
> 
> @Stargazer78 did your wife ever elaborate and explain what she meant?



I was trying to expand or pre-empt @Stargazer78 answer


----------



## landshark

BigElectricKat said:


> Completely agree with you hm! As in any new experience, there will be growing pains. But gauge us by our sincerity, willingness, and passion. If you find those in a lover, most everything else can be worked out.



Yeah, I can remember specifically two very different partners I had years ago. They were both BBWs but with very different body types. I’ve mentioned both here a few times.

One was tall, over 6’ and had a body more consistent with a Lane Bryant model. Like a plus size model with a little more “plus.” I was about 150 pounds at the time and she was a little over 300. I had never been with a woman her size or dimensions. Couple that with her being The most sexually aggressive woman I’ve ever been with and it was a physical challenge for me.

The other one was about two years later. In between I had returned to a toxic girlfriend I have mentioned a few times, slept with a few chubby girls and a few fit girls, but hadn’t really been with another fat girl. Then I stumbled into my relationship with J, who was only 5’2 and weighed almost 360. Her body presented other challenges. The shape of her body meant adjust positions than what I was used to and there were times I found it difficult at first. But once I got used to it I was so excited to be with her.

If she would have judged me based on my first few awkward nights with her she would have moved on!


----------



## Shotha

Perhaps, I shouldn't even be reading this thread, because I'm gay. However, not all FA's are the same. Some of them just want sex and others want a full relationship with sex, romance and doing everything in life together. A person looking for the latter is not going to feel comfortable with a guy who just wants sex. And then there is the fact that we fat people are not all created the same. We range from slightly plump to very fat. An FA, who has so far only had sex with slightly plump people, might show remarkable lack of skill in having sex with a very fat person for the first time and yet would not be lying in saying that he only dated fat people. I don't feel that I should be trying to resolve this issue in this thread; I'm just suggesting a couple of lines of inquiry.


----------



## blue_eyes

When my husband and I met I drove a G6 and he had a Beetle. A few months later I bought a small SUV. He has had 2 Dodge Rams and now a Traverse. With 2 kids (4 and 1) I’m sadly looking at minivans lol. Never realized how much a built in vacuum would appeal to me.


----------



## Jay78

blue_eyes said:


> When my husband and I met I drove a G6 and he had a Beetle. A few months later I bought a small SUV. He has had 2 Dodge Rams and now a Traverse. With 2 kids (4 and 1) I’m sadly looking at minivans lol. Never realized how much a built in vacuum would appeal to me.


many of us have said never but honestly it’s a living room on wheels!!


----------



## Phaddy

I am old and have been with many different women with many different body types. From my first memories, I have had a fetish for chubby and fat women, particularly those who seem to be gaining as a result of their inability to control their appetites and passions. Even women who are almost the same in terms of height, weight, and physical condition are individually unique. The process of initial lovemaking is all about experimentation and openness. The objective is to share and learn what the other person likes. This demands a willingness to communicate. If I am doing something that doesn't feel great, tell me. There is a scene in a Mel Gibson movie What Women Want that shows the challenge. He is making love to Marisa Tomei and can hear her thoughts. When she thinks "Slow down," he can hear it and adjusts. Going into intimacy with anyone for the first time tends to be most enjoyable when both people are willing to experiment, but also say what they would like, ideally expressed with tenderness instead of sounding like the navigation in my car. But even that direct direction can help: slower, faster, harder, softer. These quick directions can help navigate any body type. Please forgive the food reference, but "oreo" directions are often the most effective: "I love the way your body feels. Do you like it when I push into your big belly? This is so much fun!" I am thick and have what probably would qualify as a big belly with a 48-inch waist. If I am with a woman with a big belly, we need to negotiate access and what feels comfortable. I remember years back fooling around with a woman who tantalized me without trying at 200 pounds on a 5'-6" frame having exercised down from being depressed and maybe 230. She had a big belly (think Goddess Shar). She was clearly taken with my thickness and she made all of the first moves. I don't think she had been with anyone as big as me (6'-0" and 290 but truly big-boned and muscled under a layer that made me look more lineman than linebacker. I lay down on my back on the floor fully clothed and she straddled me. She was shocked by how high she was off the floor with me under her. She started getting a bit nervous so I asked her what was wrong. She was worried that if everything was anatomically proportional, I might be scary. I had to explain to her that was not the case and the reality was potentially a problem in the other direction. While I was proud when I was around 20 years old and playing football as a linebacker at around 210, the extra 80 pounds provided "protection" that definitely affected how big other parts of me looked. Being open and honest made her more comfortable since she was also anxious about what I would think of her with her FUPA. The important thing was we were both attracted to one another "just the way we were" and were able to provide suggestions to each other to make it more fun.


----------



## BBW_Admirer_Kevin

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell


Yep and married her. Not sure what I can and can’t say here but for me there is nothing sexier than a BBW. 
I realise that physically I may need to help and do whatever I need. 
My wife, as I have said is a BBW and 5ft 1 inch. Small things come in small packages.
BBW women are simply the best, in every way


----------



## Mr. Jigglesworth

I've certainly dated, married women in the 330's to 440's since my mid 20's to my early mid 30's before moving up scale towards 500 and over 600lbs. I'm read and studied books and magazines about such things. I've dealt with severe asthma, diabetes, lyphodimia, currently really badly done viacose veins where she wears a compression vest to help her to pee easier. Helping her when she needs it and letting her do it to not become dependent on me. I love big cars with V-8's in them, even before considering the size of my passenger. I'd love to watch her massive belly undulating against the dashboard while I drive. I'm 60 now and she's 56 and we're living the dream and know what's ahead and how to deal with it. You have to have a server's mentality to have a successful relationship with supersized partners, you treat them how you want to be treated and be consistent and loving for with great rewards come great responsibility you can't fake it til you make it. You have to live it for real. I'm buying what was once called a boat or land yacht because of style, size and power under the hood.


----------



## svenm2112

Hey gals.
I know what the reality of a ssbbw. I was married to a ssbbw. But unfortunately outside interference the marriage. Her son and nephews. Destroyed it. But we had some great times. You have rheumatoid arthritis. So she couldn't walk that very far.
So I know what it's like. You take care of an SSBBW. I sure do miss the softness. The Snuggling. And the late night talks and being together. I hope to meet that nice. ssbbw


----------



## extra_m13

not precisely an ssbbw but once i dated a big woman, first time into the movies, arm up for her to fit in, no problem... but i choose some high seating and she did not say a thing but i could hear her heavily breathing, it was hot i must admit but lesson learned, you need to watch the steps and the distance to go if the lady is really out of shape.


----------



## op user

I guess forecasting the needs of a partner is something that needs to be done all the times.


----------



## CarmellaBombshell

Fellas, if you are dead serious about dating SSBBW'S like myself please take notes above in regards of car ride accomodations, seat belt extendors, and walking breaks for our body frames.


----------



## BigElectricKat

Got my eye on a used Lincoln Navigator if I ever find myself in such a situation.


----------



## last time

largenlovely said:


> I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol
> 
> It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.
> 
> This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose  You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?
> 
> I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.
> 
> Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.
> 
> I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.
> 
> So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell


yeah I could only imagine...but I know it takes plenty of money for food, the ability to take care of her like a queen (I can do that part) but I am broke thanks to covid-19 sigh...
If I won the lottery or something I think I would be the perfect person for a ssbbw, I really just want someone to worship and coddle for the rest of my life. 
maybe one day...before I die 
I hope, sigh.


----------



## larce

Hi Melissa ! My truck is pretty tall ,but with nice steps to get up and handles in the cab ,my girlfriend has no issues getting up and in to the seat ,of course I always open the door and assist if she needs me to do so ,what man would not do so for his Princess ? Larce


----------



## In to it

I built a custom van that lowers and then a foldout walk and the incline is very low. The front right seat moves back to the side doors for easy access press the button and your up front and lock it in. I made the interior very comfy and had it custom painted and it looks real classy.


----------



## Mr. Jigglesworth

I think I'll get a "Boaterhome" like on the Little Caesars commercial. Looks big enough, reinforced and can go anywhere in style. But if she outgrows that, we'd have to upgrade to a Yachtbus when she's Uber-Sized


----------



## NewJoe

CarmellaBombshell said:


> Fellas, if you are dead serious about dating SSBBW'S like myself please take notes above in regards of car ride accomodations, seat belt extendors, and walking breaks for our body frames.



I had to learn this the hard way in high school. My sweetheart, an SSBBW, was very generous and patient. I learned that our family Volvo was not the car to pick her up in on a date, but our big Plymouth tank worked just fine without seatbelts. Booths in restaurants didn't work, but free tables with movable chairs made for a nice dinner. We learned which restaurants were accommodating of plus-sized people, and avoided the rest. Long walks were out of the question, but a brief stroll was quite romantic. Sex was an adventure, but we made it work. Beautifully!

Mostly, though, the challenges were social. This was back in the 70's, and it was just not considered cool for an athletic and tall guy to date a BBW. The comments were cruel, and the looks were constant. But since I was sooooo attracted to my sweetheart, I was able to ignore them.

And I learned so much. In the years that followed I was much more prepared. I had a big car, knew what to suggest vis-a-vis restaurants and activities, and got pretty good at introducing myself and showing my interest without being creepy. All and all, my relationships with SSBBWs have been absolutely wonderful.


----------



## LunaPlenus

I never realized how lucky I was to have found an FA I guess. I've always been big, but never confident about it. They have helped me come to a better place with my body image. Seeing some of the things you all have been posting, I guess I took some of it for granted, not knowing there was anything else. Never really dated before then so yeah haha.

oh and to be on topic, they owned a minivan when we started dating lol!


----------



## BigCutieDelilah

It's hard to date as an SSBBW. A lot of people, don't realize the hard work and dedication and loyalty it takes to have a successful and healthy relationship with one. We have a lot of things that we do need help with and we dnt want to settle being with someone who is embarrassed or not willing to put in the time and effort it takes to look after and care for us.


----------



## LunaPlenus

I just have a hard time accepting the help sometimes... I don't want to be treated like an invalid. How do you strike that balance?


----------



## BigElectricKat

That's a very good question. Not only for you but also for your paramour. How does he/she know when to assist and when to let you do things on your own? I think it would probably take a good amount of communication between each person.


----------



## op user

It is rather subtly but easy: just observe how relaxed she feels and be ready to take a break without making a big issue about. Or have a good idea which shops are accessible and frequent them. Just not put the ssbbwish if I make use the neologism into the centre of everything but have an idea how to help.


----------



## AmyJo1976

I don't really need much help, yet anyway, but if I did, I would not be afraid to ask my husband for it. He prefers me to be this size, so he will have to play his part  Dating I is a different story. I've had a date or two where the person I was with seemed skittish about being seen with me. I didn't put up with it. If I'm good enough for you to want to be intimate with, then I better damn sure be good enough for you to be seen in public with. I'm not a closet lover


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## BigElectricKat

AmyJo1976 said:


> I don't really need much help, yet anyway, but if I did, I would not be afraid to ask my husband for it. He prefers me to be this size, so he will have to play his part  Dating I is a different story. I've had a date or two where the person I was with seemed skittish about being seen with me. I didn't put up with it. If I'm good enough for you to want to be intimate with, then I better damn sure be good enough for you to be seen in public with. I'm not a closet lover


I've had this same experience, though for different reasons.


----------



## penguin

AmyJo1976 said:


> If I'm good enough for you to want to be intimate with, then I better damn sure be good enough for you to be seen in public with. I'm not a closet lover



I’ve come across far too many who want you for sex but not for dating, and those who will date you but are still embarrassed or too concerned what other people *might* think. How their actions make you feel doesn’t factor into their thinking. I’m done with putting up with that. I have an ex who would manipulate an argument before we were due to go out with my friends, and would frequently twist things around so it would feel like my fault, even though it wasn’t. Then once things were “resolved” he’d want to go, but I would be such a wreck that I either couldn’t go out, or I’d have a miserable time. It took too long to figure that trap out, and the real kicker is that this is what he did only when it was _my_ friends, who knew I was fat and loved me  He always felt he could do better because I was fatter than his preference (I was a lot smaller then, too), and let me know.

I want someone who understands the limitations I have without making a big deal of it, and can anticipate what accomodations I’ll need. You want to go for a hike? I’m not your girl. You want to go shopping? Okay, but I will need to sit down to rest my back regularly as we go. Want to go out to eat? Great! Are you familiar with how fat-friendly the seating is? Some things need to be scouted to be sure it’s suitable.

Also, people will stare and wonder why someone like you is with someone like me. They might even make snarky or abusive comments, to me or just in earshot. There will be asses who yell abuse as they drive by. Can you handle that? Can you learn to ignore it? Can your focus be on me/us and not them? Can you stand up to your friends and family when they question why you’re with me?

If all they want is to get off, they can do that without me.


----------



## BigElectricKat

penguin said:


> I’ve come across far too many who want you for sex but not for dating, and those who will date you but are still embarrassed or too concerned what other people *might* think. How their actions make you feel doesn’t factor into their thinking. I’m done with putting up with that. I have an ex who would manipulate an argument before we were due to go out with my friends, and would frequently twist things around so it would feel like my fault, even though it wasn’t. Then once things were “resolved” he’d want to go, but I would be such a wreck that I either couldn’t go out, or I’d have a miserable time. It took too long to figure that trap out, and the real kicker is that this is what he did only when it was _my_ friends, who knew I was fat and loved me  He always felt he could do better because I was fatter than his preference (I was a lot smaller then, too), and let me know.
> 
> I want someone who understands the limitations I have without making a big deal of it, and can anticipate what accomodations I’ll need. You want to go for a hike? I’m not your girl. You want to go shopping? Okay, but I will need to sit down to rest my back regularly as we go. Want to go out to eat? Great! Are you familiar with how fat-friendly the seating is? Some things need to be scouted to be sure it’s suitable.
> 
> Also, people will stare and wonder why someone like you is with someone like me. They might even make snarky or abusive comments, to me or just in earshot. There will be asses who yell abuse as they drive by. Can you handle that? Can you learn to ignore it? Can your focus be on me/us and not them? Can you stand up to your friends and family when they question why you’re with me?
> 
> If all they want is to get off, they can do that without me.


Although I've never had to deal with the weight/size accommodations, everything else? Yeah, been there and done that.


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## AmyJo1976

I've had one relationship in my life that I would actually classify as abusive. It was my former fiance. He was a military man and really into fitness. Long story short, I worked my ass off to try and please him because I thought he loved me. He didn't really, I can see that now, not for the whole me anyways. Thing is and it's crazy, but it's how I think, I wish I could run into him today and he could see me now. I think I was 170lbs the last time he saw me. That was 11 years ago. He would die if he saw me now and I would love it lol!


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## Barrett

AmyJo1976 said:


> I've had one relationship in my life that I would actually classify as abusive. It was my former fiance. He was a military man and really into fitness. Long story short, I worked my ass off to try and please him because I thought he loved me. He didn't really, I can see that now, not for the whole me anyways. Thing is and it's crazy, but it's how I think, I wish I could run into him today and he could see me now. I think I was 170lbs the last time he saw me. That was 11 years ago. He would die if he saw me now and I would love it lol!


I'm sorry you had to deal with that kind of person in your life.
Awesome attitude about it, though. ❤


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## BigElectricKat

And not all of us military types are like that!


----------



## DazzlingAnna

penguin said:


> I’ve come across far too many who want you for sex but not for dating, and those who will date you but are still embarrassed or too concerned what other people *might* think. How their actions make you feel doesn’t factor into their thinking. I’m done with putting up with that. I have an ex who would manipulate an argument before we were due to go out with my friends, and would frequently twist things around so it would feel like my fault, even though it wasn’t. Then once things were “resolved” he’d want to go, but I would be such a wreck that I either couldn’t go out, or I’d have a miserable time. It took too long to figure that trap out, and the real kicker is that this is what he did only when it was _my_ friends, who knew I was fat and loved me  He always felt he could do better because I was fatter than his preference (I was a lot smaller then, too), and let me know.
> 
> I want someone who understands the limitations I have without making a big deal of it, and can anticipate what accomodations I’ll need. You want to go for a hike? I’m not your girl. You want to go shopping? Okay, but I will need to sit down to rest my back regularly as we go. Want to go out to eat? Great! Are you familiar with how fat-friendly the seating is? Some things need to be scouted to be sure it’s suitable.
> 
> Also, people will stare and wonder why someone like you is with someone like me. They might even make snarky or abusive comments, to me or just in earshot. There will be asses who yell abuse as they drive by. Can you handle that? Can you learn to ignore it? Can your focus be on me/us and not them? Can you stand up to your friends and family when they question why you’re with me?
> 
> If all they want is to get off, they can do that without me.



I agree 100% on this.

Be proud of whom you are with regardless other people's opinion.


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## Colonial Warrior

Are there a similar thread for BHMs/SSBHMs?


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## LunaPlenus

BigElectricKat said:


> And not all of us military types are like that!


I was sure I was going to end up a military wife myself, instead, I wound up married to a nonbinary socialist xD


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## LunaPlenus

penguin said:


> I’ve come across far too many who want you for sex but not for dating, and those who will date you but are still embarrassed or too concerned what other people *might* think. How their actions make you feel doesn’t factor into their thinking. I’m done with putting up with that. I have an ex who would manipulate an argument before we were due to go out with my friends, and would frequently twist things around so it would feel like my fault, even though it wasn’t. Then once things were “resolved” he’d want to go, but I would be such a wreck that I either couldn’t go out, or I’d have a miserable time. It took too long to figure that trap out, and the real kicker is that this is what he did only when it was _my_ friends, who knew I was fat and loved me  He always felt he could do better because I was fatter than his preference (I was a lot smaller then, too), and let me know.
> 
> I want someone who understands the limitations I have without making a big deal of it, and can anticipate what accomodations I’ll need. You want to go for a hike? I’m not your girl. You want to go shopping? Okay, but I will need to sit down to rest my back regularly as we go. Want to go out to eat? Great! Are you familiar with how fat-friendly the seating is? Some things need to be scouted to be sure it’s suitable.
> 
> Also, people will stare and wonder why someone like you is with someone like me. They might even make snarky or abusive comments, to me or just in earshot. There will be asses who yell abuse as they drive by. Can you handle that? Can you learn to ignore it? Can your focus be on me/us and not them? Can you stand up to your friends and family when they question why you’re with me?
> 
> If all they want is to get off, they can do that without me.


I think I am more embarrassed about being shown off than my partner ever has been. They try to help me be bolder with how I dress on a regular basis. Like not just wear "fat girl" clothes etc. I can honestly say that they have never been embarrassed by my size, sometimes maybe too proud for my comfort lol.


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## Shotha

AmyJo1976 said:


> I don't really need much help, yet anyway, but if I did, I would not be afraid to ask my husband for it. He prefers me to be this size, so he will have to play his part  Dating I is a different story. I've had a date or two where the person I was with seemed skittish about being seen with me. I didn't put up with it. If I'm good enough for you to want to be intimate with, then I better damn sure be good enough for you to be seen in public with. I'm not a closet lover



I've seen this happen so often either to myself or to other large boys and girls. The notion that some guys have, that someone is good enough to have sex with but not good enough to be seen with, is quite abhorrent to me. It was even mentioned in the classic short film Hard Fat. It's about gay men, who are attracted to fat guys, but it's well worth watching if your not gay. These days, if I was dating someone who was ashamed of being seen with me, I would drop them straight away. When someone treats you like that, they are not according you the dignity that every human being deserves.


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## AmyJo1976

LunaPlenus said:


> I think I am more embarrassed about being shown off than my partner ever has been. They try to help me be bolder with how I dress on a regular basis. Like not just wear "fat girl" clothes etc. I can honestly say that they have never been embarrassed by my size, sometimes maybe too proud for my comfort lol.


Be proud girl! Put yourself out there! That's the start to how we change the way things are and make the world a better place for people like us


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## Colonial Warrior

AmyJo1976 said:


> Be proud girl! Put yourself out there! That's the start to how we change the way things are and make the world a better place for people like us


You are a 1,000,000% right!


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## LunaPlenus

AmyJo1976 said:


> Be proud girl! Put yourself out there! That's the start to how we change the way things are and make the world a better place for people like us


I'm trying! That one of the reasons I started doing the modeling.


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## Big Booty Brotha

CarmellaBombshell said:


> Fellas, if you are dead serious about dating SSBBW'S like myself please take notes above in regards of car ride accomodations, seat belt extendors, and walking breaks for our body frames.


I will say this. I’ve never thought about dating a woman if size. My thoughts came to who i was spending time with. I dated from 90 pounds to 535 pounds. Experience were different and attraction was different outside of bug butt. Once i knew i wanted to go out with someone, i would make sure they would be good where we go and how we got there. The 90 pound one would just be on my shoulders at a park concert and we walked miles cause that what she liked to do. A 135 pound sista liked to dance so we would go to a lounge and I’d pick her up. A 300 lb sister with hips galore like to ride and go to bookstores and art galleries but she had strong legs and would walk and when we would go out to eat. We would always get a booth with a movable stable. Movies.... we would go early so we both could get the leg room and end seats. The sista who was the heaviest would always meet me at a location, she had a van and then a SVU. I hated that she was uncomfortable but i made sure wherever we went would be right for her size.... like the pizza parlor had out door steel seating. The coffee shops the same thing..... runway shows and all were held in industrial complexes so we never had to worry about accommodations there. So I’m not a FA but I’m a lover of women with big Butts and that took me from 90 to 535.


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## Mr. Jigglesworth

I'm an ex-Marine and dated a ssbbws while with my unit in El Toro, Ca. Also where I first discovered BBW magazine by Carol Shaw. Others at my base had a term for dating bbws I frowned seriously upon called"feeding the bears". I usually had something to say when it was directed at me & who I was with. Bbws & ssbbws and the rare usbbws rock, I've dated them since H.S.


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## LoveDDD

CarmellaBombshell said:


> Fellas, if you are dead serious about dating SSBBW'S like myself please take notes above in regards of car ride accomodations, seat belt extendors, and walking breaks for our body frames.



These strike me as really good posts and a great topic… Personally I have no trouble putting on my seatbelt im most cars however I do have trouble walking more than a few minutes at a time without wanting to rest, and I'm embarrassed to talk about this when thinking of possibly meeting a new man on a dating website…


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## Colonial Warrior

LoveDDD said:


> These strike me as really good posts and a great topic… Personally I have no trouble putting on my seatbelt im most cars however I do have trouble walking more than a few minutes at a time without wanting to rest, and I'm embarrassed to talk about this when thinking of possibly meeting a new man on a dating website…


Don't feel that way. It's very nice to be sincere from the first time. There are a lot of FAs like me who wants to know everything we can before we get decided to answer a personal ad!


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## PhllipP

BigCutieDelilah said:


> It's hard to date as an SSBBW. A lot of people, don't realize the hard work and dedication and loyalty it takes to have a successful and healthy relationship with one. We have a lot of things that we do need help with and we dnt want to settle being with someone who is embarrassed or not willing to put in the time and effort it takes to look after and care for us.


 It definitely takes a lot of work and some patience while dating a SSBBW. Too many guys ignore what all has to be done and what the woman needs help with. You can’t be embarrassed about needing a vehicle that will accommodate her or needing seatbelt extenders. Dropping her off at the entrance while you park so she doesn’t have to walk across the whole parking lot. Taking breaks when you do go for a walk because carrying all that weight around everyday isn’t easy. She may need help in the bathroom or while taking a shower. There are not so glamorous things that need to be realized by some of these guys because these beautiful women are more than just fantasy, more than a fetish, and deserve to be appreciated and loved for the people they are.


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## larce

Any man who loves his woman should always take care of her and spoil her ,because she is a woman ,and even more so, if she happens to be wonderfully full figured , he should consider himself so very lucky !


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## BBWlover14

Reading through all these experiences how did everyone meet the significant other or ex? I have a hard time finding a ssbbw or even a bbw lol


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## Green Eyed Fairy

BBWlover14 said:


> Reading through all these experiences how did everyone meet the significant other or ex? I have a hard time finding a ssbbw or even a bbw lol


There are BBW dating sites you can try. BBPeoplemeet is good for finding people actually in your area.


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## Ted

Seat belt extenders


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## jello4me

My wife cannot put shoes or socks on any more due to her huge belly. I now do that. And as mentioned above, walks need breaks because she gasps for air. Such is the price for feeding, fattening and a flabulous heavy double belly.


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## jello4me

BBWlover14 said:


> Reading through all these experiences how did everyone meet the significant other or ex? I have a hard time finding a ssbbw or even a bbw lol


I picked the girl with the widest hips and biggest softest thighs out of a friend group and she has been growing ever since.


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## Rob hudson

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> There are BBW dating sites you can try. BBPeoplemeet is good for finding people actually in your area.


And how much does that one cost lol. Some of those sites are damn spendy.


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## Green Eyed Fairy

Rob hudson said:


> And how much does that one cost lol. Some of those sites are damn spendy.


Not that much if I could afford it


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## penguin

I’ve used WooPlus, which is good.


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## bdiazz

Any man who is interested or wanted to date and married super size or bed bender ssbbw should all ready know what to expect. It's the size and those issues who attracted him in the first place. I wish to even meet a real bed bender ssbbw. Even too big to moved. That's where the word CARE becomes more important than ever. If any 650lb bed bender is out there still waiting to find her real man, am available.


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## Tattoocharlie

I’m going to be honest. When I first started dating ssbbw’s, I had no idea what I was doing or what was involved but I’ve learned over time. One of the many things I’ve learned is to pay attention to the little things when planning the dates. Make sure where you are going is fat friendly and is something she is gonna enjoy. I know I have a lot to learn still but I’m getting there.


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## bdiazz

What about traveling abroad, like Amsterdam? I would like to date a 600lb ssbbw and go on vacation with her. So far, none of these gorgeous women are intended. What do U think?


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## Rob hudson

bdiazz said:


> What about traveling abroad, like Amsterdam? I would like to date a 600lb ssbbw and go on vacation with her. So far, none of these gorgeous women are intended. What do U think?



That's kind of a good question. Will they even let you on a plane at that size? Will you fit anywhere? Never investigated, because world travel has no interest for me. No matter where you visit, the residents want to leave lol.


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## Tattoocharlie

Rob hudson said:


> That's kind of a good question. Will they even let you on a plane at that size? Will you fit anywhere? Never investigated, because world travel has no interest for me. No matter where you visit, the residents want to leave lol.


I have a friend that is close to 500 and travels abroad. Usually has to buy 2 seats on the plane.


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## Rob hudson

Tattoocharlie said:


> I have a friend that is close to 500 and travels abroad. Usually has to buy 2 seats on the plane.



That still can't be very comfortable lol. Unless you're rich as Midas, even two seats are like being squeezed into a sardine can.


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## Orchid

I am homebound since years but when I still used to travel here in Europe there are no facilities no extras for fat folks. No mobility scooter at grocery shops. No seating to sit down comfortably. My last airplane travel I was not that big but just about fit the seat and the safety belt just closed at maximum. No comfort.


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## Rob hudson

Orchid said:


> I am homebound since years but when I still used to travel here in Europe there are no facilities no extras for fat folks. No mobility scooter at grocery shops. No seating to sit down comfortably. My last airplane travel I was not that big but just about fit the seat and the safety belt just closed at maximum. No comfort.


You could get a wheelchair. How hard would that be, there?


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## DazzlingAnna

With almost 400 lbs I am somehow okay with a single eco class seat - at least for mid-haul flights.
A second seat would be definitely much more comfortable (more leg-room and definitely more "belly-room" ) and most airlines offer special fares for an additional seat. It is usually not as much money as the published fare because some taxes and fees just apply once for the person flying (e.g. the security check is charged only once). Always worth contacting the airline for this.


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## Tattoocharlie

Are some countries more fat friendly than others?


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## Orchid

I was in a wheelchair for a time, but I got out of it with help of my then first cardiologist.


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## Tad

Tattoocharlie said:


> Are some countries more fat friendly than others?



For sure! I don't have a list, but generally:
- fatter countries tend to have become more fat friendly (at least at a functional level, not always attitudes)
- older countries have a lot of places and lifestyles that just are not very fat friendly. Areas that are great for walking (but expect everyone to walk a fair bit), narrow staircases, small restaurants with small tables and chairs packed in, fewer places to sit down, not as much car culture, and so on.


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## op user

DazzlingAnna said:


> With almost 400 lbs I am somehow okay with a single eco class seat - at least for mid-haul flights.
> A second seat would be definitely much more comfortable (more leg-room and definitely more "belly-room" ) and most airlines offer special fares for an additional seat. It is usually not as much money as the published fare because some taxes and fees just apply once for the person flying (e.g. the security check is charged only once). Always worth contacting the airline for this.




D.A. I haven't had my second coffee yet so the following may not as elegant as your presence here (let alone your popularity). However it is aviation so I have to comment

An issue with the second seat is how the two seats are "linked" especially on the part where the arm rest doesn't go all the way up between the two seats (flash if you prefer) and sticks out between the seat backs. So if I see it right if a seat is just to "outflow" to the second seat it might be ok, it wouldn't be very comfortable for a person really needing two seats width wise. In this case the arm rest would be annoying but I guess this is for relative few cases of really large people. 

And since I grew up and started flying in a period where airline food was more plentiful (in Europe until around 2000 the economy class meal was as good as the business class meal is today) a large belly might cause some issues with the table not coming all the way to horizontal if it is supported by a large belly. The solution here might be some schedule full service carriers (what they used to be called flag-carriers) like an airline with a white cross in Switzerland or another one with bases in Frankfurt and Munich with blue and yellow colours with a bird like sign on the tails) have the seats in front of the wings more spaced out so the seat table might have the chance to be horizontal. 

Thanks for pointing out the zero taxes on the second seat - I didn't know about it.


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## Shotha

op user said:


> D.A. I haven't had my second coffee yet so the following may not as elegant as your presence here (let alone your popularity). However it is aviation so I have to comment
> 
> An issue with the second seat is how the two seats are "linked" especially on the part where the arm rest doesn't go all the way up between the two seats (flash if you prefer) and sticks out between the seat backs. So if I see it right if a seat is just to "outflow" to the second seat it might be ok, it wouldn't be very comfortable for a person really needing two seats width wise. In this case the arm rest would be annoying but I guess this is for relative few cases of really large people.
> 
> And since I grew up and started flying in a period where airline food was more plentiful (in Europe until around 2000 the economy class meal was as good as the business class meal is today) a large belly might cause some issues with the table not coming all the way to horizontal if it is supported by a large belly. The solution here might be some schedule full service carriers (what they used to be called flag-carriers) like an airline with a white cross in Switzerland or another one with bases in Frankfurt and Munich with blue and yellow colours with a bird like sign on the tails) have the seats in front of the wings more spaced out so the seat table might have the chance to be horizontal.
> 
> Thanks for pointing out the zero taxes on the second seat - I didn't know about it.



I wish that the tables in KFC could be lifted up and down.


----------



## luckyfa

BBWlover14 said:


> Reading through all these experiences how did everyone meet the significant other or ex? I have a hard time finding a ssbbw or even a bbw lol


I was lucky enough that my GF and later wife went up from 155 lbs when we first met to 285 lbs in 10 years without myself having to do anything to bring that weight gain about. Initially, I didn‘t even know I was a fat admirer.


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## luckyfa

DazzlingAnna said:


> With almost 400 lbs



wow  that kind of weight is awesome  great that you seem to do fine in the economy class. I hate flying for several reasons and usually take the train when travelling in Europe. My claustrophobic self, you know


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## luckyfa

Tad said:


> fatter countries tend to have become more fat friendly (at least at a functional level, not always attitudes)


I’ve also noticed that there is difference between the functional level of fat-friendliness, as you phrased it, and attitudes towards fat people. But then, functionality depends on the degree of fatness. What works for a 250 lbs person might not for someone weighing 350 lbs or more.


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## LordSheogorath

Always balance expectation of fantasy witn knowledge based in reality.


----------



## Johnx

D_A_Bunny said:


> You are so right about the car. My husband owned a Camaro when we first met, his dream car. I was not SS at the time, but still very large. He immediately made plans for a larger car. Every car we have had or even considered since then, is with my size and accessbility in mind.
> Even with our second car, the one he drives to work, has to fit me. And he has a long commute so we are very concerned with gas mileage, but he makes sure I can fit. He even took the old seats out of his old S-10 Blazer to put in a bench seat so that I could fit in it.
> Our main car is a Chevy Caprice that is large and roomy. Still, he keeps talking about a Caprice wagon that he keeps seeing for sale. Like, hey babe, just think how roomy that would be.
> And none of our cars are new. We can only afford used, but we get what we can.
> The one car we did buy new in 1993 was a Ford Taurus that I really wanted. We told the sales guy we wanted to only look at ones that had a bench seat. Well, most didn't, and he kept showing them to us. Hubby is like, I SAID I want a bench seat. The guy is like, but why? and hubby turns and points to me and says, its for her, that's why. And the guy finally showed us the only one they had on the lot. We ended up buying it and I loved her for a long time. Eventually I did outgrow the car, but I LOVE my 1995 Caprice.


This one brings back memories. Thirty years ago I took my then 350 lb wife on a 3000 road trip in my Firebird (essentially the same car as a Camaro) for our honeymoon. By the end of trip she was really tired of how cramped that car was for her. We bought her a car with a split bench seat and used her car for all future trips. Her second car was Tahoe, also with a split bench seat. Gas mileage wasn't great but it was roomy.


----------



## jrose123

As a far woman, I despise the thought of being a fetish. Most men walk around and just let their member do the thinking without any concern for the person behind the object of their desire. There is a real person housed within my shrine. Everyone has their ideal of romantic perfection. I've meant a man who wanted to sway me into vegetarianism. One wanted me to pursue weightlifting. Another wanted me to wear pantyhose whenever I was around him. I wasn't I terested in any of those things. Nevertheless, I'm game for trying new things. One day the lightbulb started to flicker. Whenever a man starts to make request of me for what he thinks I should be to make "us" happier, become his living fantasy, I come up with my list of request. My request are only based on whatever it is that he obviously lacks. Guess what, without hesitation they say NO. Then I let them have it. I dump on them about their thoughtless request. Then i venture into truth. When a man does that sort of stuff, he doesn't really like me. It's all about him. I don't allow myself to be an uncompensated character in anyones fantasy.


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## BigElectricKat

I've been dancing around this topic for years. People have actually gotten offended when I say certain things about how they wish to be perceived/desired. I don't bother with it anymore because I've come to the conclusion that everyone deserves to be treated how they want to be. But I completely get your drift @jrose123 .


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## Rob hudson

jrose123 said:


> Whenever a man starts to make request of me for what he thinks I should be to make "us" happier, become his living fantasy, I come up with my list of request. My request are only based on whatever it is that he obviously lacks. Guess what, without hesitation they say NO.



So, for example, if he requested you to wear a certain article of clothing in which he thinks you would look smashing, you emasculate him for asking? I mean how far do you go here?


----------



## AuntHen

Rob hudson said:


> So, for example, if he requested you to wear a certain article of clothing in which he thinks you would look smashing, you emasculate him for asking? I mean how far do you go here?



How is what she said emasculating him? Did you understand the point she was making?


----------



## Rob hudson

AuntHen said:


> How is what she said emasculating him? Did you understand the point she was making?



Sounded to me like any requests that are perceived as intending to suggest some sort of change would be met with harsh rebuttal and anger.
We all have visions of what our perfect partner should be. For some of us, those changes are unreasonable, and we are not willing to entertain the idea. For example, turning into a powerlifter, as the poster mentioned. Other changes seem minor, such as the suggestion of wearing a certain article of clothing.
Assuming two reasonable adults are involved, I don't see why a rational discourse cannot take place, rather than tearing down the other person. Isn't there already enough anger and opposition to other viewpoints present in the world today?


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## BigElectricKat

I think the idea is "like me for who I am, the way I am" as opposed to the way someone thinks they should be. Just my guess. I get it. Why does someone need to mold another person into the vision of their fantasy?


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## Rob hudson

BigElectricKat said:


> I think the idea is "like me for who I am, the way I am" as opposed to the way someone thinks they should be.


I get that, too. I just wish people could put across that viewpoint without all the angry intolerance and devaluation that goes on so often. As I said above, there is already enough angry intolerance in the world today. We can get across our viewpoints without tearing people down or, "letting them have it."


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## jrose123

Rob hudson said:


> So, for example, if he requested you to wear a certain article of clothing in which he thinks you would look smashing, you emasculate him for asking? I mean how far do you go here?


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## BigElectricKat

Plus, people should probably vet their potential paramours a little better.


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## Rob hudson

BigElectricKat said:


> Plus, people should probably vet their potential paramours a little better.


Yeah, that probably goes for all of us lol.


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## jrose123

How is that emasculating???
When the vegetarian nazi kept forcing rabbit food on me, I wasn't fat shamed into compliance. I simply made the request to staff that our receipts would be separate tickets. Then I proceeded to order what I wanted to eat. Now, it made him ashamed of bullying me, but he brought that upon himself. He may have felt less than a man, but I am always a grown ass woman, a fat one at that. Respect the obvious. I don't look like beans and rice missed me, nor am I a rabbit. Why take a BBW to dinner and dictate what she eats? Doesn't that seem humiliating. Now, if you want some buxom, curvaceous BBW to wear a certain article of clothes...you compliment, you make the suggestion of how her body would do the rag justice because she is so exquisite. But, if you are making demands by telling her what to wear, how to dress. BBW clothing is costly. Even with cost everything isnt flattering. In my experience, most men have a laundry list of things they want like that's my role in getting to know each other. What about what the BBW wants?


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## Rob hudson

jrose123 said:


> In my experience, most men have a laundry list of things they want like that's my role in getting to know each other. What about what the BBW wants?


All I can ssay is you're definitely hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Your original post made it sound like you did your best to tear them down if they dared make any requests at all. Perhaps I read it wrong, but to me it positively dripped with anger and disgust. I hope I did read it wrong though.


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## BigElectricKat

I can see where this is going...


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## mal57

Rob hudson said:


> All I can ssay is you're definitely hanging out with the wrong crowd.
> Your original post made it sound like you did your best to tear them down if they dared make any requests at all. Perhaps I read it wrong, but to me it positively dripped with anger and disgust. I hope I did read it wrong though.



FWIW I didn't get that from the original comment at all. There's a huge difference between a guy stating his preferences and wanting to control a woman and she was definitely talking about the latter.


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## mathfa

I feel like for sure there was anger in the original post, especially given it being unprompted by the thread of conversation, but is that necessarily a bad thing? This should be a safe place for people to vent and discuss difficult things. The poster probably has just had some really bad luck with partners in the past and feels negatively about the experience.

That said, I do believe that "most men think with their member and don't care about the person" is probably not the most tolerant mindset to be in.


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## landshark

Rob hudson said:


> All I can ssay is you're definitely hanging out with the wrong crowd.
> Your original post made it sound like you did your best to tear them down if they dared make any requests at all. Perhaps I read it wrong, but to me it positively dripped with anger and disgust. I hope I did read it wrong though.



i am going to respectfully disagree. @jrose123 opened with a comment about refusing to be someone’s fetish. That set the context for everything that followed. And I don’t think that’s unreasonable. Even here on Dims it doesn’t take too much reading to see that some of the guys who post here fetishize the women they prefer. It’s almost like they actually only like a body or a feature but forget there’s an actual person there who has a mind, emotions, feelings, and preferences of her own.

Her post seemed to cite actual experiences too. I think that’s fair. I think anytime you start asking someone to be something she’s not it’s not unreasonable to start getting those requests in return.

this is why I’d never ask a person to gain or lose weight for me. Obviously in a committed relationship there does need to be compromise and willingness to make adjustments for the other person. That that goes both ways every time on every issue. And how one goes about addressing the need for an adjustment/compromise can make or break the discussion.


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## TheShannan

landshark said:


> i am going to respectfully disagree. @jrose123 opened with a comment about refusing to be someone’s fetish. That set the context for everything that followed. And I don’t think that’s unreasonable. Even here on Dims it doesn’t take too much reading to see that some of the guys who post here fetishize the women they prefer. It’s almost like they actually only like a body or a feature but forget there’s an actual person there who has a mind, emotions, feelings, and preferences of her own.
> 
> Her post seemed to cite actual experiences too. I think that’s fair. I think anytime you start asking someone to be something she’s not it’s not unreasonable to start getting those requests in return.
> 
> this is why I’d never ask a person to gain or lose weight for me. Obviously in a committed relationship there does need to be compromise and willingness to make adjustments for the other person. That that goes both ways every time on every issue. And how one goes about addressing the need for an adjustment/compromise can make or break the discussion.


Wonderfully said


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## BigElectricKat

I would submit that it's completely unfair to enter into a relationship with a goal of asking the other person to change any aspect of their being in the first place. Asking someone to change their weight, hair color/style, etc is like saying, "I like you but you could be better". If you wanted "better" you should have gone for that in the beginning. I feel this is tantamount to a person (male or female) starting a relationship with a "bad boy/girl" and then thinking they can make him/her go straight. It almost never works and usually someone ends up very disappointed.

As far as that post by @jrose123, I get that you have a point to make and perhaps would like to vent a little, and that's fine. This is a space where we can really air things out and hopefully we can all learn and grow from the experiences of others. But when you start a sentence with "Most men", it puts most guys on their heels as it comes across as a blanket statement about all of us(or at least most of us); when in fact you probably meant most men you know or have met, which is a small sample size compared to the 3.8 billion men on the planet.

That doesn't mean that there's no validity in the statements made, because there is. But rest assured, some men are not the only ones whose sole concern is their romantic perfection and some men will surprise and delight you, if given the chance. You have a right to demand equality in this realm (and in fact, any facet of your life), so there's no disputing that. And I wish you, and everyone here, the best in your future romantic involvements.

*I'm getting a nose bleed from standing up on this soapbox, so I'd better get down now*


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## mathfa

Well spoken, BEK.


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## landshark

mathfa said:


> Well spoken, BEK.



he usually is!


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## imchet

I've really enjoyed reading through this thread. It reminded me of some of the things I loved about being with a SSBBW. I loved thinking ahead to accommodate her needs. It was never a burden and felt so wonderful how often very simple acts allowed her to do things with dignity, safety and comfort. All those little things were constant reminders of how much I cared for her, and at the same time I know she felt cared for too. It brought us together in so many ways. Even going to the grocery store together made me feel like the luckiest guy ever.


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## extra_m13

probably... and i am not one who knows at first hand about it. but there will be a time when the ssbbw will be in a situation where losing weight is recommended and probably convenient, true story


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## collared Princess

My husband who I’m separated from Philippe aka one belly man has always sworn up and down he was a serious FA but it doesn’t seem like he is..he left me for reasons that I could not obviously do as a ssbbw..


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## mp7251

collared Princess said:


> My husband who I’m separated from Philippe aka one belly man has always sworn up and down he was a serious FA but it doesn’t seem like he is..he left me for reasons that I could not obviously do as a ssbbw..


Wasn't that guy with Jiggly before you? Not married though.


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## collared Princess

Yes that’s him African Prince


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## Colonial Warrior

collared Princess said:


> My husband who I’m separated from Philippe aka one belly man has always sworn up and down he was a serious FA but it doesn’t seem like he is..he left me for reasons that I could not obviously do as a ssbbw..


Sadly, there was not enough sincerity on his words.

My best wishes you will soon find someone who commit to you no matter how much big you are.


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## GordoNegro

collared Princess said:


> My husband who I’m separated from Philippe aka one belly man has always sworn up and down he was a serious FA but it doesn’t seem like he is..he left me for reasons that I could not obviously do as a ssbbw..



Unfortunately with some FA, when the rubber meets the road they cannot deal. Some FA and Feeders have desires that should stay as fantasies as when the realities kick in, they can't handle it. Hopefully the next 1 will have experience dating/caring/providing for ssbbw/ussbbw and break the mold.


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## Donna

“Break the mold”? Ouch, cringe, ooof. That gives the impression that a majority of FA/FFA and feeders are cold hearted individuals only interested in getting theirs and then moving on to their next unsuspecting victim/conquest.

The users, abusers, and philanderers are in my experience the outliers, NOT THE NORM. There are so many more wonderful, caring FA/FFA and feeders out there who aren’t users and abusers. I believe they’re being done a disservice when someone publicly airs their dirty laundry like this, painting themselves as a victim of predatory behavior. Personal situations are amplified, skewed, and conclusions are made that should not be made. Plus, it makes me feel like I do when I come up on an accident scene and want to look away, but I can't.

I'm not saying this particular FA in question isn't one of those cads. But that's not the point of this thread and I feel perhaps this is a tangent we don't need. In keeping with the original intent of this thread, it would be better to say that for anyone dating, but especially for the SSBBW/USSBBW that this thread is about, _do not ignore the red flags and never think, "I'm different than those other women. I can change him." _


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## Orso

collared Princess said:


> My husband who I’m separated from Philippe aka one belly man has always sworn up and down he was a serious FA but it doesn’t seem like he is..he left me for reasons that I could not obviously do as a ssbbw..


IMHO one of the problems is that sometimes people concentrate on sex, not taking into account the personality of the other person. If sex is OK or great, they think that everything is OK and that the relationship will be successful. 

No, it's not enough. A couple shares the bedroom, but also the livingroom, the bathroom, the kitchen and so on, and they must be compatible also there, otherwise it's a disaster. 

I know because many years ago I did this mistake. The girl and I lived in different cities, we met often and sex was great, so I moved and we lived together. After 8 months we couldn't stand it anymore and I walked away.


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## Orso

Donna said:


> _do not ignore the red flags and never think, "I'm different than those other women. I can change him." _


A friend of mine used to say that the tragedy of marriage is that a man marries thinking that the woman will not change, and a woman marries thinking that the man will change. In reality the woman does change, and the man does not.


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## svenm2112

It's kind of sad to see people separated. I been through it twice. And here is my opinion. My second ex was 375. But there was so much drama that we separated in 2013. And divorced in 2015. After my surgery. After my divorce. I needed a car without a airbag. Well could not find one. I know what is like to date a ssbbw. But now 7 years out of the dating game. I tried to date after covic-19. No luck. Just rejections. My friend who is married to a ssbbw. Tried to get me to go a event. But I turned them down. Because after the surgery. I developed a bad case of compulsive behavior disorder. Every time somebody try to hug or kiss. I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. Tried YouTube nothing. Dating sites nothing. Started keeping to myself a lot. Hanging around the railyard. Watching sunsets. Do I want companionship. Yes but every damn time. And I will be truthful about it. Some man who is attracted to men. Which I am not on ssbbw sites. Like feabie,fanasty feeder. So my friends say don't you want to meet someone. And I tell my friends that I am not 18 anymore. In reality I cannot start all over again. And I also said if I came to the events. I would be only in the way. And a older man event attendee. So I gently told them why. And I prefer to go to AEW. Or sports car racing event. And yes I am going to my first NFL game in 40 years. And a man knows when it's time to stop.


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