# Living With A Dieter



## BigWarmMan (Jan 5, 2011)

Does anyone here live with a serious dieter?

Like everyone around us, my wife has taken up the diet again. As happy as I've been of late, discovering my fatter nature, my first impulse is to abandon my growth and join her-- essentially just go back to the way things have always been and leave this wonderful glimpse of the world of BHMs and FFAs to memory. 

My wife and I have always dieted together. In fact we met dieting! It is one of our most basic bonds, traveling that road together, keeping each other from the narrow edge. Often, she has said, she never could have done it without me.

Which is why my wife's reaction today was so unexpected. She says she doesn't want me to diet with her this time! In fact, she begged me not to. She says it's not because she wants me to be big and fat. I'm sure she'd rather I be skinny, for health reasons. She says I can't diet with her anymore because I've been so happy, alive and romantic lately. 

I told her I could be happy and romantic on the diet. Besides, if I don't diet, too, my every bite would be sabotaging her efforts. I mean, realistically, how could she be expected to stick to her regimen with some great, fat bloke bringing all sorts of delicious goodies into the house and eating them around her? I'd think that would be sabotage of the worst kind!

She says for me to commit to a diet when my heart's not in it would be worse sabotage. I get that. I do. Even though I secretly think she's just trying to be nice. But, I see no other realistic plan. Frankly, the idea of continuing to eat like I have been, while my dear wife suffers alone in ascetic hardship, is utterly appalling! And I can't see skulking about, stuffing myself in secret. 

I like to think I can commit to dieting whole-heartedly! In fact, I've done so my entire life! I actually have pretty amazing will-power. Beside, I do everything whole-heartedly! 

On the other hand, I've really loved getting fat. It's like coming out of the closet or something. I feel like I am myself for the first time in my life.

So, what's the answer? I've noticed that there are a number of genuinely slender women on this site, who live with truly fat partners. How do the individuals in these relationships each maintain their chosen weight?

If you, or the person you live with is a serious dieter/thin-ness enthusiast, please share your story here. How do each of you cope, living with a partner with radically different eating and exercise habits?


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## BigChaz (Jan 5, 2011)

It seems like every time you post it's with the intent of getting people to discuss your weight gain. Is it safe for me to assume that you get off on people discussing your weight / desire to gain? I would guess that the answer is yes.

Carry on.


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## WillSpark (Jan 5, 2011)

Chaz. Play nice. He's just asking normal questions from the side of someone who enjoys being big. He's new but sincere, and it's not like any of his threads are actually so out of line or out of place.


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## BigWarmMan (Jan 5, 2011)

BigChaz said:


> It seems like every time you post it's with the intent of getting people to discuss your weight gain. Is it safe for me to assume that you get off on people discussing your weight / desire to gain? I would guess that the answer is yes.
> 
> Carry on.



I am talking about myself too much. I'm sorry. I AM a bit obsessed with with my weight gain, just now, it being a radically new thing that has totally exploded my life. I joined this community specifically to find people who have experienced something similar and to learn from them. So, I'm sharing my story as it unfolds, in hopes of finding anyone who can relate. Also, it doesn't seem fair to ask people to share their deeply personal experiences if I'm not willing to describe mine. 

The point is, you're right. I'm obsessed with all of this right now-- my own experiences and, even more keenly, anybody else's. I'm sorry if this bothers you. I'm sort of on a quest.


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## BigWarmMan (Jan 5, 2011)

WillSpark said:


> Chaz. Play nice. He's just asking normal questions from the side of someone who enjoys being big. He's new but sincere, and it's not like any of his threads are actually so out of line or out of place.



Thanks, WillSpark. I don't think BigChaz was actually trying to be mean.

I'm glad to know you think these are normal questions!


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## CastingPearls (Jan 5, 2011)

I never lived with a Dieter. I did make out with a Lars and I think I had some sort of drunken thing with a Hans.


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## BigWarmMan (Jan 5, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> I never lived with a Dieter. I did make out with a Lars and I think I had some sort of drunken thing with a Hans.



Yeah. yeah. Das ist ein guter! Sie sind beide witzig und schön, ein furchtbarste Fräulein.. LOL!


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## JulieD (Jan 5, 2011)

BigWarmMan said:


> I am talking about myself too much. I'm sorry. I AM a bit obsessed with with my weight gain, just now, it being a radically new thing that has totally exploded my life. I joined this community specifically to find people who have experienced something similar and to learn from them. So, I'm sharing my story as it unfolds, in hopes of finding anyone who can relate. *Also, it doesn't seem fair to ask people to share their deeply personal experiences if I'm not willing to describe mine.*
> 
> The point is, you're right. I'm obsessed with all of this right now-- my own experiences and, even more keenly, anybody else's. I'm sorry if this bothers you. I'm sort of on a quest.



BWM--Maybe you would find more posters relate to what you are experiencing in the Weight Gain/Board threads. I dont know if you have been there or not, but imo, it seems more fit for your questions. I am positive that you will find others there who would enjoy sharing their stories about weight gain and such, and even be able to give you advice or just an overall better understanding/acceptance with what you are going through. Let me get you a link, here you go.

*As far as the bold...some would say the same about....heads*


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## BigChaz (Jan 5, 2011)

WillSpark said:


> Chaz. Play nice. He's just asking normal questions from the side of someone who enjoys being big. He's new but sincere, and it's not like any of his threads are actually so out of line or out of place.



Let me see.....no


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## imfree (Jan 5, 2011)

Dieter ist ein Deutche Name, jah?


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## mischel (Jan 5, 2011)

imfree said:


> Dieter ist ein Deutche Name, jah?



Yes, Dieter ist ein deutscher Vorname xD.

Its not used for baby names any more. German parents call their kids now Justin, Kevin, Chantal, Mandy and or course Mohammed .


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## MasterShake (Jan 5, 2011)

mischel said:


> Yes, Dieter ist ein deutscher Vorname xD.
> 
> Its not used for baby names any more. German parents call their kids now Justin, Kevin, Chantal, Mandy and or course Mohammed .



USA! USA! USA!


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## Paquito (Jan 5, 2011)

Body autonomy ftw.


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## MasterShake (Jan 5, 2011)

BigWarmMan said:


> Does anyone here live with a serious dieter?



I've never had a relationship like yours, so take my comments with a grain of salt....

I would think you may - if you haven't already - sit down and really figure out your relationship to your weight/body, and what your wife truly thinks of all this.

To me, playing amateur armchair internet psychologist, the key thing for your wife doesn't seem to be the weight gain, but maybe that, in your own words, you are happier with your self-image or at least feel more comfortable with yourself. If you are indeed being happier and more romantic, she may be more than willing to accept your weight, even if she isn't really an FFA as she states. IIRC, one of your first posts mentioned that you were sick or injured or something and laid up and she took it as an opportunity to bake and, from the sound of it, you appreciated and enjoyed it greatly.

Not saying you've been a bad husband, hell if I know anything about either of you, but maybe what started with the appreciation of her cooking (and maybe letting her 'mother' and pamper you a bit on the road to recovery), combined with what appears to you becoming more comfortable and confident with your weight gain, has combined to make her feel like you've been appreciating more or being more affectionate.

If so, maybe go on the diet to help her out, but try to remember all the little things you've started doing recently that maybe you weren't doing before. Or maybe you go on a more limited diet, maybe even not necessarily to lose weight but to stay at where you're at.

Like I said, I can only give you mere speculation. It just struck me, from what you've written here and before, that for some reason your weight gain has changed your personality/attitude/whatever in such a way that this is what she's truly falling in love with, rather than the weight itself.

And don't worry about Chaz. You've already landed a wonderful woman by all accounts.


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## Cuddle-Bunny (Jan 7, 2011)

A good reply from Milkshake... I would trust what your wife says, as she is obviously in love with you and very happy. You can support her without having to diet or just join her in the spirit of it.

Whatever you do, just be happy and trust her!


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## Bearsy (Jan 7, 2011)

I am a dieter. It's nbd.


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## Carl1h (Jan 7, 2011)

I think that the question about you sabotaging her diet by not participating is a valid one. I also understand how you secretly think she is just trying to be nice.

My advice is to try out how things work with her dieting and you not dieting and see how it goes. You can tone down your excesses without really dieting and she can promise to be honest to you if she feels undermined by the things you are able to eat that she is not. If it turns out that she needs or wants the support of you dieting with her then you can start doing that. It might not be an honest diet on your part, but it is an honest expression of your love, which is more important in my book anyway.

Also, you didn't mention exercise, but if she is exercising more also then that is something that you can participate in whole heartedly without any desire to lose weight.


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## BigWarmMan (Jan 7, 2011)

If she diets and I don't, our size difference is going to be harder to ignore. That might not be bad!


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## Zowie (Jan 7, 2011)

Honestly, I don't think she cares. She's doing it for herself, and if she harbors any sort of resentment over you not doing the same, you kind of have a bigger problem. Just move on.


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## Sasquatch! (Jan 7, 2011)

Zowie said:


> Honestly, I don't think she cares. She's doing it for herself, and if she harbors any sort of resentment over you not doing the same, you kind of have a bigger problem. Just move on.



Exactly--if it's what she wants and it's making her happy then you should be fine with it.


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## CastingPearls (Jan 7, 2011)

Carl1h said:


> I think that the question about you sabotaging her diet by not participating is a valid one. I also understand how you secretly think she is just trying to be nice.
> 
> My advice is to try out how things work with her dieting and you not dieting and see how it goes. You can tone down your excesses without really dieting and she can promise to be honest to you if she feels undermined by the things you are able to eat that she is not. If it turns out that she needs or wants the support of you dieting with her then you can start doing that. It might not be an honest diet on your part, but it is an honest expression of your love, which is more important in my book anyway.
> 
> Also, you didn't mention exercise, but if she is exercising more also then that is something that you can participate in whole heartedly without any desire to lose weight.


I don't buy the 'sabotaging by not participating' argument. Sabotage would be buying her things that would tempt her but it's her body and his and she's responsible for her own happiness.
He can still encourage her and not join in. Expressing your love is subjective. Being subjugated by the whims of a chronic dieter isn't exactly an expression of love on her part IMO.


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## BigWarmMan (Jan 7, 2011)

Cuddle-Bunny said:


> A good reply from Milkshake... I would trust what your wife says, as she is obviously in love with you and very happy. You can support her without having to diet or just join her in the spirit of it.
> 
> Whatever you do, just be happy and trust her!



Thank you CuddleBunny. I will.


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## BigWarmMan (Jan 7, 2011)

Zowie said:


> Honestly, I don't think she cares. She's doing it for herself, and if she harbors any sort of resentment over you not doing the same, you kind of have a bigger problem. Just move on.



It's not about resentment, I think. It's more a matter of emotional support. I want to support her the way she needs and that sometimes means second-guessing what she says, in search of what she's REALLY saying. Does she really not want me to diet with her, or is she just being kind?

I have trouble with oblique communication and subtleness in general.


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## BigWarmMan (Jan 7, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> I don't buy the 'sabotaging by not participating' argument. Sabotage would be buying her things that would tempt her but it's her body and his and she's responsible for her own happiness.
> He can still encourage her and not join in. Expressing your love is subjective. Being subjugated by the whims of a chronic dieter isn't exactly an expression of love on her part IMO.



Wow, Beautiful--Tell us how you REALLY feel!

I appreciate your No Bullshit perspective, as always. Thanks!

If anyone is being subjugated by the whims of a chronic dieter, I'd be doing it to myself. I just want to be sure we don't have a Gift Of The Magii situation developing.


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## Buffetbelly (Jan 8, 2011)

I support a dieting partner by eating everything in sight. :eat1: I eat any fattening thing that might happen to land on her plate at home or our to eat, and then I scour her refrigerator and cabinets for any treats or contraband and gobble them down. Why, I'm better than a personal trainer! 

Of course, this means I usually gain two pounds for every pound she loses....that seems like a fair exchange and we're both happy!


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## BigWarmMan (Jan 8, 2011)

Buffetbelly said:


> I support a dieting partner by eating everything in sight. :eat1: I eat any fattening thing that might happen to land on her plate at home or our to eat, and then I scour her refrigerator and cabinets for any treats or contraband and gobble them down. Why, I'm better than a personal trainer!
> 
> Of course, this means I usually gain two pounds for every pound she loses....that seems like a fair exchange and we're both happy!



I'd br delighted with that arrangement!


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## FemFAtail (Jan 9, 2011)

And he'd do it too! I've seen it! He's incorrigible!:eat2:


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## Buffetbelly (Feb 3, 2011)

Art by BrokenCassette:
http://brokencassette.deviantart.com/


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## Hole (Feb 4, 2011)

I have lived around dieters since a few family members have always been on them, which also explains my early dieting. Your environment tends to influence you,yes. But you need to do what pleases your emotional and physical state.Push aside how much you care about your wife for a minute. Not because you shouldn't but you'll end up hating yourself and resenting her if you change for her. Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you have your heart in it.

I think when you get married, it's the "price" you pay to deal or put up with each others habits. There should be some compromise but not to where you have to change your lifestyle.You don't have to wave the donut around in her face but I think it's your right to buy and eat the damn donut whether your wife is on a diet or not. You don't have to feel bad about it either. Again, like you said this goes back to your bonding over dieting. 

There are many ways to break a diet. Diets themselves are kind of made to be broken given how restrictive they are, if only just the mental aspect of not being allowed to have certain foods.


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