# oy, it's letters to people and things!



## supersoup (Aug 15, 2007)

this is an idea that was on a board i was on ages ago, and i loved it, so i've brought it here...anyhow. need to get something off your chest, yet can't do it directly just yet? have at it here.



dear people from the past,

i don't know why, but i've been very nostalgic today, and since i can't contact any of you directly, this is going to work for me. i am not too ______ for any of you. this applies to you, the 'friend' that told me i was too laid back to hang out with anymore. this is for you, the boy that said i was too kind to date. for the professor that said i was too introverted to pass his class. to the girls that thought i was too fat to hang out with in school. this is also for you jerkface, the boy that said i was too hard to love forever. for the girls that have said i'm too fat to hang out with in public, the guys that have said i'm not fat enough to date, too fat to date, and too fat to bring home to friends and family...good riddance. i can't believe i was ever sad when you left from my life. i am what i am, amazing, kind, loving, intelligent, loyal, silly, feisty, nurturing, and dorky. take me for what i am. if something about me is too ______ for you right off the bat, kindly exit then, as i don't have the capacity to waste any of myself on you. my size, my appearance, and my never fading laughter may be too much for the average person to handle, but rest assured that there are people that are thanking their lucky stars every day that i'm in their lives. and for all the turds i've wasted time dating, i'm not too fat to bring home to friends and family, you are just too jaded in thinking that i care about what others think, when i only ever cared what you thought. i'm fat, i know it, i own it, i rock the hell out of it, but i'm far more than just that.

thank you for your exit,
amanda


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Aug 15, 2007)

Dear best girlfriend,

You know how much I love you. You are my family. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to say to you. But please stop, I can't help you anymore. I'm completely depleted of compassion and energy for you. It breaks my heart to say that, but I have to. I don't want anymore "I want to die" e-mails or phone calls. Yeah life is tough but you always find a way to make things so much harder than they really are. I can't take anymore. You have to sink or swim on your own this time. I'm sorry. But I still love you.

Me.


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## elle camino (Aug 15, 2007)

dear black beans and rice ~

thanks for being so delicious and filling and easy to make and cheap.
you are like a chanel dress on a thrift store rack for 50 cents and i love you.

- Abs


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## Midori (Aug 15, 2007)

D. i was wrong to lie to You. It was unforgiveable. i know it. i am ashamed of who i've been because of that lie. i miss You. i can't sleep any more without hearing Your voice ... and i can't replay the messages on my cell anymore because then i can't make it through the day. i never cheated ... though i suppose it doesn't matter now. i was always YOURS ... even in my untruth. i was always thinking of You ... always loving You ... always trying to be better for You. i failed You and in failing You ... i threw away everything that was US. i will never belong to another like i belonged to You. i never want to. i can't listen to music anymore ... it was all -ours-. i can't write anymore ... that was all YOURS ... it belonged to You ... i belonged to You. Now i am lost. i don't think i'll ever feel safe again. i had everything in the world ... and i threw it away ... and i'll never know what would have happened if i had been honest. You were the best thing in my life for two years. You were my reason ... my Everything ... i am empty now. And everyday ... i pay. i just want You to know ... i pay.

&#9834;Your cha gee ah


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## Blackjack (Aug 15, 2007)

Dear family,

Please understand. I have about an hour before I have to leave, and I'll be on a plane for the entire rest of the day. And then I'll be with family for almost a week, and I'll have very little time to myself.

Therefore, it's absolutely vital that I not go into this with an orgasm waiting to be had.

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND LET ME HAVE MY GODDAMN WANK TIME.

-Kevin





Dear subconscious,

What the fuck was with that dream last night?

I was getting intimate with a girl- random, nameless, some menagerie of fantasies or something- and as we're there in bed naked, a figure appears in the doorway.

IT'S SEAN FUCKING CONNERY. The young one, from the Bond movies. Buck naked.

"Nice shag," he says. "Carpet, that is."

I woke up laughing hysterically.

What I want is not an explanation, but rather for Sean Connery to _not _show up randomly when I'm having sex.

Sincerely,
A very bewildered Kevin


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## Lastminute.Tom (Aug 15, 2007)

Dear Tom aged 13, if you learn to accept yourself and your prefferences now then you'll be set for life, don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you different, they may think they are trying to protect you but it only makes you internalise your feelings, oh and when you do the first sketches for your fantasy novel that you start writing next year, whatever you do don't leave them in the tent because they will all turn to mush because it leaks.
Tom


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## ScreamingChicken (Aug 15, 2007)

Dear brother,

You are dead to me. 

This past year I have been forced to watch you devolve in to the selfish bastard that you are today. I didn't ruin your marriage, I just told your now ex wife a week before the papers they were signed that your live in GF is pregnant. If you had been honest to me when I asked if she was pregnant, I may have kept my mouth shut. But you lied straight to my face. 

You have done an absolutely shitty job supporting your kids. When I called you a worthless father, I hope those words hurt you. It may prove that you are a human despite your behavior this past year.

You have been a total jackass to everyone within striking distance. But the kicker is what you did to ********. She tries to take her life and you take advantage of the situation because you can't keep your dick in your pants.

I am tired of you and your sideshow.

Rick


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## Wild Zero (Aug 15, 2007)

Dear Mr. Toilet,

I'm the shit.

With love,
Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. XOXOXOXOXOXO


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## Aurora1 (Aug 15, 2007)

Dear ex-husband,

I forgive you for being such an asshole. I will always love you as a person but we are NEVER getting back together. I sincerely hope that you are able to move on with your life and find someone else to make miserable. I never thought I would say this but I actually feel sorry for that girl you are dating right now. 
I hope that when I tell you how happy I am right now that you are not thinking of ways to sabatoge it for me. I don't want to be bitter and I don't want you to either. We have done one really great thing together and I think we can be proud of that. 
I forgive myself for putting up with you for far too long. I promise myself that I will never allow myself to be treated so badly ever again. I want and deserve more for myself than you ever really had to offer me. I hope we can and should remain friends for life. *IF* I ever decide to get married again...I will invite you to my next wedding and I hope you will come! LOL


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## supersoup (Aug 15, 2007)

to the turdtastic vending machine man at work,

how about when you fill the machine up, you look at the expiration date BEFORE you put it in the machine?! i wanted those crackers so bad, bit into them, and they nearly bit me back they were so stale. you were just there to fill it 10 minutes earlier!!

thanks for making me waste 40 cents,
amanda

-------------------------------------------------

oh hey sinuses,

leave me alone, i don't want or need a summer cold.

 
stuffy and mad soup


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## pinuptami (Aug 15, 2007)

Dear woman I hope I never meet in person,

You are not good enough for him. You're trashy. You have no self esteem and it brings him down. I keep my mouth shut because he is my friend and he cares for you, but I look forward to the day that he comes to the same decision that I have.

Not a fan


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear husband to be,

Thank you for not being jealous of said friendship. Thank you for being great to me. Thank you for being the person I can not wait to get home after work. And thank you for letting me eat your toast this morning at the restaurant :eat2:.

Love you


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## elle camino (Aug 15, 2007)

dear phone ~

where'd you go? under the couch? it's under the couch, isn't it. 
you asshole. 

-A


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## Famouslastwords (Aug 15, 2007)

elle camino said:


> dear phone ~
> 
> where'd you go? under the couch? it's under the couch, isn't it.
> you asshole.
> ...



LOL! That's hilarious Elle


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## PamelaLois (Aug 15, 2007)

Dear Mom,
I have tried very hard to move on from all the negativity. It has taken me years to realize that I am not a horrible person because I am fat. I am smart, funny, creative, hard working and loyal, and none of that is negated by my size. For years, you have been telling me I am not "good enough" because I am not thin. You may not have said it out loud, but that was always the underlying message, no matter what I did. It was always "Good job graduating from college, but you don't really want those mashed potatoes, do you?" "How about that, you got your black belt, but unless you lose those extra pounds, you will have trouble getting a date." My relationship with my only sister has been difficult because I always knew you approved of her more than me, because she was the "perfect child", the cheerleader, athlete, girly girl, pretty one, but mostly because she was thin. Everything about her was perfect, and you let me know it every day. We fought constantly because I resented the fact that you disapproved of me and favored her. I refuse to be put down and belittled anymore. I am a big woman, and I always will be, and I am fabulous!


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## Wild Zero (Aug 16, 2007)

Dear god,
Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet,
cause they dont get enough to eat

From god,
I cant believe in you.

Dear god,
Sorry to disturb you,
But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears,
And all the people that you made in your image,
See them fighting in the street,
cause they cant make opinions meet,
About god,
I cant believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear god,
Dont know if you noticed,
But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book.
Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look,
And all the people that you made in your image,
Still believing that junk is true.
Well I know it aint and so do you,
Dear god,
I cant believe in,
I dont believe in,

I wont believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners,
No devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
Youre always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And its the same the whole world round.
The hurt I see helps to compound,
That the father, son and holy ghost,
Is just somebodys unholy hoax,
And if youre up there youll perceive,
That my hearts here upon my sleeve.
If theres one thing I dont believe in...

Its you,
Dear god.


P.S. Don't tell Nigel we're making plans for him.


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## Scrumptious_voluptuous (Aug 16, 2007)

Dear Stuart,

I found out you died today. 

Although it was back in January, the decades and distance have obviously seperated us, therefore I don't feel too bad about it - sorry about that!

You were fun, I remember that. You introduced me to many baaaad things a good 14 year old shouldnt find out for a good few years! I coughed my guts out because of that bucket, and my dad fucked me over when you pissed out of my window, right onto Bournemouth Square. Even though the police came, that still remains one of my most awesomeness stories, and although I may have said the opposite at the time, I'd never take it back 

Im sure the people who knew you better would have said some great things about you, but the filthy, debaucherous ones my 14 year old self has of you will never leave me - no matter how much I try!

Take care. Don't ride any more motorcycles.

Miranda
xx

PS - I still have a picture of you flashing your willy at me behind a beach hut It was one of the first I ever saw!


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## Scrumptious_voluptuous (Aug 16, 2007)

Dear Mulder,

You're a fat bastard. No wonder the clothes horse fell apart when you were climbing on it. You're not a kitten anymore!

And stop eating crap off the carpet.

Lots of love

She Who Opens Cans Of Food.
ps - where's your blue ball? Dont snigger.


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## Zoom (Aug 16, 2007)

supersoup said:


> dear people from the past,


*HEY!* Where's my lottery numbers?


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## Wagimawr (Aug 16, 2007)

Dear Elvis,

Are you dead?

if not, FUCK YOU.

Know how they say, "Elvis is the man?" Well, they do, cause you are. And if you're in some damned trailer or off on some desert island hanging out with Tupac, Jim Morrison and some other famous musician dude that nobody believes is actually dead when it seems like they are, hasn't that really been a waste of the last 30 years? 

Cash died at 71, Jerry Lee's still doing it, but he just put out a frigging DUETS album (seriously, after the first two tracks it all goes downhill >_>), Chuck Berry's still at it, and two of the Beatles are dead; this is COMEBACK TIME (again), dude!

What's the deal?

Sincerely,

Me


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 16, 2007)

Dear Elvis.....


It was a true shame when that hunk of man meat named Jim Morrison died... funny how I have never missed you. But thanks for the entertainment you inspired for me all these years.


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## kr7 (Aug 16, 2007)

Dear God,

I really need your help. I try not to bother you with little stuff, but this time I am really stuck. I've been working hard the past several years to get to this point. I did the best I could, but now it seems that I can't go any further on my own. Please help.


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## cute_obese_girl (Aug 17, 2007)

Dear co-workers,

What ever happened to taking pride in a job well done? Quit whining that you don't get paid enough and you're at a dead end when you do the absolute bare minimum in your job. Do you think you deserve a raise for your ability to call in sick and waste time?

There are millions of people that would kill to live in America and be in the position that you have. When you pick grapes in the fields or wash someone else's dirty laundry then I'll be happy listen to you complain.

Thanks,
Shannon


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## CAMellie (Aug 17, 2007)

Dear Kerry,

Thank you so much for being the husband I had always dreamed of. I miss you everyday...and I will continue to miss you everyday. Take care of the babies until I see you again.

Love you,
Melanie


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Aug 17, 2007)

Dear Person In Front of Me in the Express Line With a Month's Worth of Groceries In Her Cart:

Please learn how to recognize what 15 items looks like. And that when you have more than that in your cart, you do NOT belong in the Express Line. And while the cashiers have been told by their manager to simply serve you without saying anything, those of us behind you think you're one fucking inconsiderate bastard.

And stop pretending that you didn't see the "15 Items or Less" sign if I or another of your fellow shoppers confront you. We all know you're lying.

Yours truly,
Wayne Zitkus


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Aug 17, 2007)

Dear Able-Bodoed Person Who Parked Their Car in the Only Available Handicapped Space:

I hope you never have to NEED that space and can't use it because some inconsiderate bastard like you thought they were more important than everyone else in the world.

And your excuse that "I was only going in the store for a minute" doesn't mean shit. If you don't have one of these hanging from your mirror, you're not supposed to park in a handicapped space EVER!!!!!!








Not even for a minute.

Yours truly,
Wayne Zitkus


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## SamanthaNY (Aug 17, 2007)

Dear family, friends and especially my darling husband; 

Thank you for making my birthday so wonderful. Your special attention, amazing gifts and good wishes all made me feel very loved, and showed what truly giving people you are, in so many ways. 

I am overwhelmed, overjoyed and heartwarmed, all thanks to you. 

With much love and gratitude, 

Sam.


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## tink977 (Aug 17, 2007)

Dear girl that shares an office with me,
Please shut up! I don't want to hear you ever, ever open your mouth. You are the loudest person I know and the other 50 people in this office don't want to hear you either!!!

Dear Tim,
It hurts me sooo bad to know at this very moment you are with "her". It makes me sick to my stomach with every thought I have of it....which is constant. I love you so much it hurts to my very core.

Dear Vince,
Thank you for coming back and apologizing for disappearing. It made my heart complete again.

This thread reminds me of an old Alanis Morisette song.


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## mottiemushroom (Aug 17, 2007)

To old pals from chatroom days gone by

I don't really have a welly fetish... but if you were a mushroom living in the middle of a cowpat, wouldn't you LOVE having wellies - as opposed to being barefoot  

Nor am i a transexual - it was just a fun way to get rid of a certain guy who wouldn't take a "no thanks, i'm not interested" as genuine.  

To Dave

I would've been more ladylike if you had been more of a man & treated me as a lady


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## pinuptami (Aug 18, 2007)

Dear _________ Bank,

Please hire me. Please call me first thing tomorrow morning, even if you aren't going to hire me, so I can quit worrying about it.

Love, Unemployable?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Evil Twin,

The interweb is boring because you have a life and have not been on it. I need a life too 

Good Twin


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## troubadours (Aug 18, 2007)

Wild Zero said:


> Dear Mr. Toilet,
> 
> I'm the shit.
> 
> ...



dear people reading this thread,
weeeeeeeezyyyyyyyyy. zero is getting rep for that and i'm posting to let you all know about it.

xxxxxxxx and one o,
troubs


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## cold comfort (Aug 18, 2007)

dear roomie,

why you are my bestest bud eva and i greatly missed our pointless dialogue while you were away on vacation ... i cannot deny that the days of me waltzing around the apartment mostly naked will be greatly missed. please leave soon.

with much love,

jennifer.

p.s. -- don't leave, i need your half of the rent.


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## BigCutieSasha (Aug 18, 2007)

cold comfort said:


> dear roomie,
> 
> why you are my bestest bud eva and i greatly missed our pointless dialogue while you were away on vacation ... i cannot deny that the days of me waltzing around the apartment mostly naked will be greatly missed. please leave soon.
> 
> ...



I think you just made a lot of guys here wish you were their roommate. lol Good work


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## cold comfort (Aug 18, 2007)

BigCutieSasha said:


> I think you just made a lot of guys here wish you were their roommate. lol Good work



dear sasha,

i appreciate your reply. it is always splendid to hear from you! how have you been these days? 

take care gorgeous, 

jennifer

------------

dear men,

i will sell myself to the highest bidder because my rent is getting ridiculous.

sincerely,

jennifer


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## pinuptami (Aug 18, 2007)

cold comfort said:


> dear men,
> 
> i will sell myself to the highest bidder because my rent is getting ridiculous.
> 
> ...




Dear Jen,

No fair, only men can bid? I have a crisp $50...er...$20 dollar bill with your name on it! 

It's not cause you're not worth the $50...I'm just poor.

xoxo

Tami


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## BigCutieSasha (Aug 18, 2007)

pinuptami said:


> Dear Jen,
> 
> No fair, only men can bid? I have a crisp $50...er...$20 dollar bill with your name on it!
> 
> ...



I see your 20 and raise you a 5'er...


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## cold comfort (Aug 18, 2007)

pinuptami said:


> Dear Jen,
> 
> No fair, only men can bid? I have a crisp $50...er...$20 dollar bill with your name on it!
> 
> ...



Dear Tami,

My greatest apologies, i did not mean to exclude any genders. Women are not only welcome to bid, but encouraged too ... because they generally smell better than boys anyway.  

With Love, 

Jennifer

p.s. -- for you babe ... _free_. don't tell anyone, though.



BigCutieSasha said:


> I see your 20 and raise you a 5'er...



iiiiiiiiiii hear 20-20-20, canigetatwentyfive-doihearatwentyfive-wegotatwentyinthiscornerdoihearatwentyfive-TWENTY-FIVE!twenty-fivetothegorgeousladywiththesweeteyeshadowinthefront, doihearthirtythirtythirty!!!  

hahaha sash, you're hilarious. looove it. :happy:


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## PamelaLois (Aug 18, 2007)

Dear person in line in the grocery store in front of me:

If you have a cart full of crap like juicy juice, chips, cookies, ice cream, pizza rolls, sugary soda, and no fresh meat, vegetable, eggs, milk, or fruit, and you pull out your LINK card then complain that everything costs too much, don't be surprised if I whack you hard, on the head, with a bag of onions.  I work hard for my money, I don't have a lot of it, and I stretch it as far as I can buying food that is good for me instead of garbage. If you choose to waste the money you get from the government on trash, then complain that the trash is too expensive, I have NO sympathy for you. :doh: If you spend it wisely, then I applaud you for making the most out of a difficult situation.:bow:


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## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 18, 2007)

supersoup said:


> ear people from the past,
> 
> i don't know why, but i've been very nostalgic today, and since i can't contact any of you directly, this is going to work for me. i am not too ______ for any of you. this applies to you, the 'friend' that told me i was too laid back to hang out with anymore. this is for you, the boy that said i was too kind to date. for the professor that said i was too introverted to pass his class. to the girls that thought i was too fat to hang out with in school. this is also for you jerkface, the boy that said i was too hard to love forever. for the girls that have said i'm too fat to hang out with in public, the guys that have said i'm not fat enough to date, too fat to date, and too fat to bring home to friends and family...good riddance. i can't believe i was ever sad when you left from my life. i am what i am, amazing, kind, loving, intelligent, loyal, silly, feisty, nurturing, and dorky. take me for what i am. if something about me is too ______ for you right off the bat, kindly exit then, as i don't have the capacity to waste any of myself on you. my size, my appearance, and my never fading laughter may be too much for the average person to handle, but rest assured that there are people that are thanking their lucky stars every day that i'm in their lives. and for all the turds i've wasted time dating, i'm not too fat to bring home to friends and family, you are just too jaded in thinking that i care about what others think, when i only ever cared what you thought. i'm fat, i know it, i own it, i rock the hell out of it, but i'm far more than just that.
> 
> ...



Finally. 

*raises hand* Always, always thankful. Can't wait to see you in Mass, missy.


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## pinuptami (Aug 18, 2007)

cold comfort said:


> Dear Tami,
> 
> My greatest apologies, i did not mean to exclude any genders. Women are not only welcome to bid, but encouraged too ... because they generally smell better than boys anyway.
> 
> ...



My Dear Jennifer,

Well in that case I'll throw in some cheescake or ice cream, whichever you prefer!

I'll use the peachy scented bodywash for you  

Tami


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## BlondeAmbition (Aug 19, 2007)

Dear Mr. Random Ass-grabber,

I _wish_ I had your courage to suddenly grope a _total stranger's_ ass as they walked through a crowded bar. Why it's not pervy at all.. Thank you for making my night complete.

Cheers,
Michelle


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Aug 19, 2007)

Dear Parents of Bratty Kids in the Wal-Mart:

If you can't teach you little bastards to behave in a store and not run out in front of my cart (or in front of Sandie's scooter), forcing other people to take evasive measures to protect YOUR children from harm, either keep them at home or make them wait in the car. With the windows opened, of course.

Yours truly, 
Wayne Zitkus


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## Blue_Rainbow3 (Aug 19, 2007)

Dear Drunk Girl, 
Thats what you are fast becoming known as in our group of friends. Theres talk of an intervention, but I know youve heard it all before. You are selfish and mean and more so when you drink. Everything is not about you. 

We had the potential to be such awesome friends, but I think your behavior may have killed that. I was your biggest supporter and defender, but now I have nothing to say. You sadden me. My heart breaks for you knowing that what you want is what evades you. I dont think a husband will solve your problems. I dont see how children would fix it either. Im sorry you cant be happy for your friends. I was mad that you attempted to ruin Fs bacherlorette party and Im just sad that you ruined Ls. 

I wish you could see how much you have going for you. You really are beautiful and smart too. Its sad that you cant see your behavior is making you the ugly person you think you are. I wish a lot for you. I wish you would stop using men and alcohol to mask whats really hurting you. I wish you would get some help. I wish you were happy. But most of all I wish I could make it all better.

Sadness, 
 Me


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## eightyseven (Aug 19, 2007)

Dear metal bar in the middle of my crappy pull-out couch bed,

If my lower back could talk... it would be going apesh*t on you right now.

Me


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## Wild Zero (Aug 20, 2007)

Dear people from the past,

I know all the sports scores for the next fifty years and can make you very very rich, thereby getting you in Lorraine's pants and creating 1985A

Love,
Future Biff


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## Red (Aug 20, 2007)

eightyseven said:


> Dear metal bar in the middle of my crappy pull-out couch bed,
> 
> If my lower back could talk... it would be going apesh*t on you right now.
> 
> Me





Dude...

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/80073460


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## SamanthaNY (Aug 20, 2007)

Dear _____:

I noticed the slight. But... that was rather the point, wasn't it? To have me notice. Here... I'll give you a bonus and acknowledge that it made me feel bad. So, mission accomplished if you think this is what I deserved. I can't imagine any other reason for doing it. 

Take care while patting yourself on the back - you don't want to pull a muscle.

Sam.


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Aug 20, 2007)

DEAR LITTLE BASTARD,

You made my life miserable for too long. But I got the last laugh - you're gone - I'm a better person for it. 

HA - HA!!!!!!!







DAMN GALL BLADDER.


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## Aurora1 (Aug 20, 2007)

Blue_Rainbow3 said:


> Dear Drunk Girl,
> That’s what you are fast becoming known as in our group of friends. There’s talk of an intervention, but I know you’ve heard it all before. You are selfish and mean and more so when you drink. Everything is not about you.
> 
> We had the potential to be such awesome friends, but I think your behavior may have killed that. I was your biggest supporter and defender, but now I have nothing to say. You sadden me. My heart breaks for you knowing that what you want is what evades you. I don’t think a husband will solve your problems. I don’t see how children would fix it either. I’m sorry you can’t be happy for your friends. I was mad that you attempted to ruin F’s bacherlorette party and I’m just sad that you ruined L’s.
> ...



Dear concerned friend,

Wow! That was harsh! So what if I want to drink myself into a stuper on the weekends? It's the weekend god damnit!  


Sorry...I couldn't resist but that was a very good letter...now if you could just tell your friend to her face...maybe she would feel differently about her activities.


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## Blue_Rainbow3 (Aug 20, 2007)

Aurora1 said:


> Dear concerned friend,
> 
> Wow! That was harsh! So what if I want to drink myself into a stuper on the weekends? It's the weekend god damnit!
> 
> ...



I meant the other drunk girl  

Writing this was hard, but it made me realize that, as you said, I should tell her all this.


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## mimosa (Aug 21, 2007)

Dear Seth

I am very thankful that you are here with me today. You are my angel , my heart , my soul , my life. 
It was a devastating experience Feb. 6, 2006. And the truth is , I thought you were not going to be here with me today. I thought you were going to heaven. I don't think my heart has fully healed from the pain of nearly losing you. I am scared to allow myself to feel anything recently. 
But you have taught me that there is a God in heaven. You are proof that he is alive and he answers prayers. 
Seth , you are turning 4 soon. And I just want to let you know that I am glad you are my son.I am proud of you. Thank you for being a fighter. I rejoice that you are here to hold my hand , hug , and kiss mama's cheeks. Tears fall from my eyes of pure joy because you are truly the love of my life. I am very blessed have you here. 
And I hope that I can give you all the love that you have given to me. I love you, Seth. Love Mama.


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Aug 21, 2007)

Dear _______:

I understand that things needed to change. From the beginning we both knew things needed to improve. I've done so much for you already, to change and adapt, to make things better between us. I stopped talking to the people you wanted me to ignore. I've visited as frequently as I can, bearing as many hugs and smiles and even gifts, to remind you every chance I get that you're in my heart and that I think of you always. Phone messages, e-mails, and the like were present when I couldn't physically be there. When you stress over family, or money, or school, I am there, to offer a shoulder to cry on, to listen for hours on the phone. I sympathize, I advise, and sometimes I just say nothing and let you vent it all out. I've been there too, and you've done the same for me. I've come a long, long way in making myself better.

There are limits though that I'm afraid I just can't cross, and there are things that I wish I could ask YOU to change. I would never undo the changes I've gone through thus far, for I truly believe what is best for you is best for me too. But I'm quickly losing my friends, both close and mere acquaintances, just because I reserve all time I can for you, or because you don't want me to talk to them, or you have reservations about it but don't care to say so (just express all the non-verbal cues). I'm sometimes behind in my work or chores because you expect me to wait for you. It's okay, I always catch up, but I can't plan accordingly because plans with you change almost hourly (granted, it's rarely your fault. Things just come up...). The flowers weren't enough, or died too quickly, or you need gas money for the trip home, or I need to set up fantasy baseball for you on dial up when you could have done it on high speed, just because I stayed 15 minutes later than usual. That's just the nerd in us. I don't assume I've done everything possible, but I try and do everything you ever ask of me, and then some...

You told me recently that you felt unappreciated at home. I certainly believe you, and also believe you had every right to feel that way, as per the circumstances. But you are starting to put me in a position where the one person I could trust, the one person I would do anything for, makes me feel unappreciated too. And as faithful as I am in communication in a relationship, I have no words to express it.

But I will never stop trying, and I will never doubt US, and whatever it takes, we'll get there. Just tell me what needs to be done, and maybe, just maybe, I'll express my "needs" too.

With all my love,
Mark


----------



## eightyseven (Aug 21, 2007)

Wild Zero said:


> Dear people from the past,
> 
> I know all the sports scores for the next fifty years and can make you very very rich, thereby getting you in Lorraine's pants and creating 1985A
> 
> ...



I just spent most of my day watching the entire trilogy... yessssss. Oh how I love lazy summer days, and hate that there are so few left.


----------



## supersoup (Aug 21, 2007)

dear AIM and Yahoo messenger,

quit being a pain in my ass, and co-exist nicely.


do it or die,
amanda


----------



## cold comfort (Aug 22, 2007)

Dear Room 343,

Lately there has been a very strong aroma surrounding your door on our floor. So, with that being said, a few tips in guaranteeing you a more safe, low-key way to enjoy your pot-smoking.

1. Purchase a dependable, somewhat powerful fan. (Wal-Mart, 20 bucks).

2. Open your damn windows.

3. Point fan in direction of windows.

and, for the next time you have to sign a lease...

4. When you know pot will be a daily part of your life here at the Tower, try not to select the room right across the hall from the elevators. Just sayin'.

Have fun with that.

Jen


----------



## pinuptami (Aug 23, 2007)

Dear Button-up shirts,

You all look like crap on me. Die.

Tami


----------



## Aliena (Aug 25, 2007)

Dear Local Community College, 

I was wondering if it were at all possible to hire at least 2-other people to handle the transference of transcripts? I've been waiting 12 weeks to find out which of my previous classes you will accept as a transfer and which ones you will not. 
I feel having one person to handle 12,000 students is a wee bit much and not to mention accomplishes things at a snails pace. 
Please consider revamping your current system; I would greatly appreciate it. 

Regards, 
DeAnne D.


----------



## pinuptami (Aug 29, 2007)

Dear best friends,

Glad you are coming to spend 3 days with us, before I start my job. Also, to the wife in that duo, you specifically planning your internships around my wedding means so much to me. Love you both.

xoxox 

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Fiancee,

If you do not put down the guitar, I will harm you. Stooooooop please.

Your fiancee who is getting annoyed


----------



## goofy girl (Aug 29, 2007)

Dear _____,

I wish you could be honest with me, and yourself. It would make things so much easier for both of us. Whatever the truth is, I can handle it and you should be able to as well. We need to sort this out now so that we don't have regrets and misery later on. If this is what you REALLY want, that's wonderful..I'll be happy. But I need to know if it's me that you love, or just that you love the idea of sharing a life with someone and I was the first one that came along.

Sincerely,

Bridget


----------



## Ample Pie (Aug 29, 2007)

Dear So and So:
 
I haven't trusted you since you lied to me, but I swear on all that I find holy that I have not disregarded your feelings. I am not jealous that you are/were pursuing a boy I used to like. In fact, when he is in need of advice, I've been the one to give it and it has always been: be honest with her and respectful of her feelings. Always. But now you've hurt him. And I want you to know that I am quite upset. He's a great human being and you've lied to him, disrespected him, and misused him. For all you've been through in life, I just can't see why you would put someone else through it too. You have to know how you've hurt him. I'm not threatening; I'm not even yelling. I'm just saying I hope you realize what you've done and I hope it doesn't sit well with you either.

Rebecca


----------



## goofy girl (Aug 30, 2007)

Dear Man Who Lives Next Door,

Every morning at 6:15 a car pulls up in front of your house. I assume it's someone that brings you to work, because you leave at the same time every day. While I am thrilled that you are working, I would appreciate it if you could be prepared for your ride to work. If you were ready at the door every day at 6:15 the entire neighborhood would be very grateful. I would think by now you would have a routine, since during the entire year that I have lived here, this person has pulled up to your house at 6:15 am and leans on the horn for 15 minutes. By now you should be able to be ready at the time your friend is picking you up. It's not like it's going to be a surprise when they will get there. It's at 6:15 sharp...every day....for a year now. If it would help, I would be happy to give you the extra alarm clock that I have here. 

Thank you,

Bridget


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 1, 2007)

goofy ssbbw said:


> Dear Man Who Lives Next Door,
> 
> Every morning at 6:15 a car pulls up in front of your house. I assume it's someone that brings you to work, because you leave at the same time every day. While I am thrilled that you are working, I would appreciate it if you could be prepared for your ride to work. If you were ready at the door every day at 6:15 the entire neighborhood would be very grateful. I would think by now you would have a routine, since during the entire year that I have lived here, this person has pulled up to your house at 6:15 am and leans on the horn for 15 minutes. By now you should be able to be ready at the time your friend is picking you up. It's not like it's going to be a surprise when they will get there. It's at 6:15 sharp...every day....for a year now. If it would help, I would be happy to give you the extra alarm clock that I have here.
> 
> ...



I worked for a transportation service for three years..........there were people that didn't get this concept.......ever. They seemed to believe that when you heard the first honk, knock, etc. was the time to START getting ready.....:doh:


----------



## swamptoad (Sep 1, 2007)

Dear Petrified Lizard Antlers,

I have never seen anything like you in my life!

Vehemently Yours, 

Raisin Breath

p.s. Kudos to the rabid kudzu pizza shoelaces!


----------



## Esme (Sep 1, 2007)

Dear Hillshire Farms Commercial,

Curse you for being so catchy that you've drilled your way into my brain. Please leave me alone.


Sincerely,

Esme

PS. GO MEAT!


----------



## SamanthaNY (Sep 1, 2007)

Dear twitching eyelid muscle: 

If you don't stop, I'm going to violently dig you out of my head with a dirty fork. Seriously - you're making me mental, and I canNOT go through the four days it usually takes you to settle the fuck down. Just sit there are be still until I TELL you to move, you annoying little shit, or I'll botox your ass. 

Pissed offedly, 

Sam.


----------



## SuperMishe (Sep 1, 2007)

goofy ssbbw said:


> Dear Man Who Lives Next Door,
> 
> ... If it would help, I would be happy to give you the extra alarm clock that I
> 
> Bridget



OMG - you should put one on his door step with the alarm already set at 5:30 or something and attach a note "From your tired neighbors that wish to sleep *past* 6:15 each day"... LOLOLOL!!!! I dare you! LOL!


----------



## SuperMishe (Sep 1, 2007)

Dear Boss,

I am SO not happy with you right now. Do you not understand that YOU run this department? "X" refers to us as "Somalia" - no government. 
YOU are the director. This means YOU are in charge, NOT me! YOU should be determining or setting the parameters for staffing levels based on census and acuity, NOT me. You should be concerned with weekend staffing before the FRIDAY of a long weekend. You need to stop giving people days off without telling me so that I can do my job properly. When you tell me someone is being terminated, stop giving them second chances for the third and fourth time and fire them already. How do you not realize that having me start logging my phone calls will not make a liar honest. Just because I wrote it down on a phone log in addition to the usual slip I write it on doesn't make it more accurate to the person who is lying to begin with. You showed her the slip and she still denied picking up the shift, how would showing her a phone log change her story? :doh: 
I'm rambling and it's all your fault.
God help us when state comes in...


----------



## goofy girl (Sep 1, 2007)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I worked for a transportation service for three years..........there were people that didn't get this concept.......ever. They seemed to believe that when you heard the first honk, knock, etc. was the time to START getting ready.....:doh:




I don't get it! LOL...why is it so hard to be ready on time?!??


----------



## goofy girl (Sep 1, 2007)

SuperMishe said:


> OMG - you should put one on his door step with the alarm already set at 5:30 or something and attach a note "From your tired neighbors that wish to sleep *past* 6:15 each day"... LOLOLOL!!!! I dare you! LOL!



OMG..I'm SO going to get up early and go try to stake out the house and see which door is his!! (It's a duplex)..when I find out I'm gonna do that! I'll need help translating it though, he only speaks Spanish.


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Sep 2, 2007)

goofy ssbbw said:


> OMG..I'm SO going to get up early and go try to stake out the house and see which door is his!! (It's a duplex)..when I find out I'm gonna do that! I'll need help translating it though, he only speaks Spanish.



Un regalo de sus vecinos cansados. ¡Quisiéramos dormirnos más tarde que 6:15!


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Sep 2, 2007)

Dear apartment,

Why don't you magically clean yourself? I have other things to do. I pay for you every month, so why don't you pull your own weight for a change?

Shannon


----------



## swamptoad (Sep 2, 2007)

Dear truckers with the loud and annoying airbrakes,

Could you please try not to drive so fast towards the stop sign (which is located not at all very far from my window) and hit your brakes. I can hear them loud and clear even when they are closed. Those brakes are working just fine. You must realize that driving down a hill towards a stop sign at such a ludicrous speed is not a good idea in the first place even if it is morning time and you are in a hurry. If you try a slower speed that might allow me to sleep longer since I work nights and maybe you won't have to fix your brakes nearly as often either. 

Just slightly ticked and bothered,

Jeff (Apartment Tenant)


----------



## PamelaLois (Sep 2, 2007)

Dear Boss, 

Could you stop being such an inconsiderate ass? You have been my store manager for the 12 weeks we have been open and have screwed up my paycheck 3 times. That comes out to 25% of my paychecks being short. Last week, I was supposed to have a sick day and a vacation day added to my check, but since I worked over 40 hours that week, the computer wouldn't let YOU put in more than 4 hours of sick pay. But instead of ASKING someone how to add the extra hours to my check, you just blew it off, didn't ask for help, and didn't bother to tell me or anyone else. Thanks to your lack of consideration, my paycheck was short by almost $200 and I barely had enough money for my house payment. How would you feel if your check were messed up? I don't think you would be too happy about it. It really chaps my hide to have these kinds of things happen when I work my ass of for you, and don't get anything but crap for it. Last week I put in 62 hours because YOU didn't bother to get anyone to replace my department manager while she was on vacation, and yet we had appointments booked all week. I begged for help, TOLD you I would end up with huge overtime, and tried to get someone to come work. But no, you blew it off, then yelled at me for having 22 hours of overtime! We would all be better off if you were gone from our store, and believe me, we are working hard on just that. When you give your little pre-opening pep talks and prattle on about "OUR" hard work, don't you realize everyone is smirking behind your back, because WE are the ones working hard, and YOU are the one taking the credit. Jerk.


----------



## mimosa (Sep 2, 2007)

Dear Target Employee

I was NOT the person that messed up the shoes in the kids section. Honest! It was already like that when I got there. 
SO you caught me off guard when you asked me to clean it up. I DO NOT WORK THERE! You do! So that is the reason I left it that way. I always try to respectful to everyone. But you made it really hard for me that day. I am not a child to be told to what to do. ( FYI:I am a neat person and always clean up after myself.) I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. But I was not the one hired by Target. Next time ask someone that works for Target to help you clean up messes. Thank you.


----------



## Aliena (Sep 2, 2007)

Dear Target Employee, 

Eat shit and die!! 
Oh if someone would even cross Deezee with that crap! 






mimosa said:


> Dear Target Employee
> 
> I was NOT the person that messed up the shoes in the kids section. Honest! It was already like that when I got there.
> SO you caught me off guard when you asked me to clean it up. I DO NOT WORK THERE! You do! So that is the reason I left it that way. I always try to respectful to everyone. But you made it really hard for me that day. I am not a child to be told to what to do. ( FYI:I am a neat person and always clean up after myself.) I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. But I was not the one hired by Target. Next time ask someone that works for Target to help you clean up messes. Thank you.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Sep 2, 2007)

Dear Person Who Insists On Staying in the Left Lane Traveling five miles below the limit:

I would like you to do the following:

1 - Move over into the right lane, so the ten vehicles stacked up behind you (including mine) can pass legally.

2 - Eat shit.

3 - Bark at the moon.

4 - Die.

Yours truly,
Wayne Zitkus


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Sep 3, 2007)

Aliena said:


> Dear Target Employee,
> 
> Eat shit and die!!
> Oh if someone would even cross Deezee with that crap!


I had not read your post before I added mine - interesting that we both chose the same phrase. I guess great minds DO think alike....


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Sep 3, 2007)

goofy ssbbw said:


> Dear Man Who Lives Next Door,
> 
> Every morning at 6:15 a car pulls up in front of your house. I assume it's someone that brings you to work, because you leave at the same time every day. While I am thrilled that you are working, I would appreciate it if you could be prepared for your ride to work. If you were ready at the door every day at 6:15 the entire neighborhood would be very grateful. I would think by now you would have a routine, since during the entire year that I have lived here, this person has pulled up to your house at 6:15 am and leans on the horn for 15 minutes. By now you should be able to be ready at the time your friend is picking you up. It's not like it's going to be a surprise when they will get there. It's at 6:15 sharp...every day....for a year now. If it would help, I would be happy to give you the extra alarm clock that I have here.
> 
> ...


Bridget - 

Check with your local police to see what the "quiet time" hours are in your town. You might be able to get the guy ticketed for disturbing the peace.


----------



## Dr. Feelgood (Sep 3, 2007)

My Dear Friend,

We knew, did we not, that we were both mortal? That one of us would some day mourn the other? I miss our talks, and your unfailing courtesy and good humor. Forty years ago, you were my teacher, and you inspired me with a love of literature than has never left me. Twenty years ago you retired, and you went back to school to study Greek -- with me, as it turned out -- though again, I think you taught me more than I taught you. But you are not dead -- not really. Because, you see, you helped make me into who I am, and so there is a little of you in me that will never leave me. I believe that the only thing that separates us from the dead -- or the living -- is the lines we draw in our own mind. So, for me, you are present.
Be well.


----------



## PamelaLois (Sep 3, 2007)

Dear Hermione,

Thank you for being home to greet me every day. It just makes my day brighter when you jump up on the windowsill when I pull into the parking lot, how do you know when I am coming home? You surely can't hear my car pulling into the lot, or can you? ESK Extra-Sensory Kitteh. I am glad they didn't want you in the barn anymore and I got to bring you home with me. Nothing more relaxing than a fluffy kitteh curled up against me on my desk.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 3, 2007)

Dear Bessie,

Yes, I still call you that in my mind. I feel that you are at peace now. Perhaps i just need to think that to be at peace myself. I still love you and will never stop missing you. I know you were the only one that not only didn't hurt me but also tried to help me. I hope you and Dad found each other on the other side and that all the bad from this world has fallen away. Whenever I fear death, the thought of the journey is always made easier because I know it means I will get to see you again.
Funny how they say death is an ending but my love for you has never stopped yet. 

XOXOXO


----------



## Blackjack (Sep 9, 2007)

Dear local cop,

I really, _really_ have to question your judgement. As I was walking out of work, I noticed you strolling into the place. Just outside, in the fire lane, was a police cruiser, parked and running.

While I know that one would get in a considerable amount of trouble for doing anything with this golden opportunity, I'm sure that you yourself would probably face some serious disciplining when your superiors found out that you left your cruiser running in the fucking fire lane.

Sincerely,
A Troubled Citizen

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Stop & Shop management, and to all whom it may concern:

This shit needs to stop.

Tonight I asked to leave early, because I wasn't feeling well. I'm still not feeling well. Although initially my request was denied, a little bit of haggling got me an hour. I was a bit distressed, as I truly was feeling quite ill, but was happy that I got anything.

The night continued fine until about 10, when I was going to clean the floors. This should have gone very smoothly.

It didn't.

To clean the floors, I first have to move the slicer carts out of the way. Moving the slicer carts from the deli into the nearby hallway is far more troublesome than it ought to be. This is because the mechanism to raise the little pads and lower the wheels doesn't work so well. You see, the pads are supposed to go _up_, and the wheels are supposed to go _down_, when you pull the handle down. However, for the past six months, the thing is so poorly adjusted that while the wheels do go _down_, the pads don't go _up_, making it impossible to move the carts.

Well, not quite impossible. One still can do it, but it requires one to go down and manually adjust the pads so that they don't drag on the ground.

But really, isn't this what the repair guy should be doing? You know, whenever he's here? Which, by the way, is about every week.

Please, explain that one to me. This guy is getting paid far more than I am, and yet here _I _am, doing _his _job.

But there's bigger problems than this that need to be addressed.

The repair guy probably should be in a bit more often, because there's plenty of stuff that doesn't work as well as it could, or should. I'd even wager that there's probably a couple things that are in such bad shape that there'd be some serious fines and citations if someone higher up found out about it.

Fix this shit before it falls apart, for Chrissakes.

Oh, and can we actually get another squeegee for the store? I have no idea what keeps happening to all of the ones that we've had, but all the time employees always wind up borrowing a squeegee from another department, who most likely themselves borrowed it from _another _department.

One of these days I'm gonna just go around and search, because I just _know_ that there's got to be some stowed away and forgotten _some_where, in some dark corner. Until then, it'd be nice if departments could actually function independently, instead of relying on other departments for something that shouldn't have to be shared.

Also, to expand on a point made in the previous paragraph, there is a reason why shit gets tucked into these dark corners. It's because we don't have enough equipment to go around. It's because people are borrowing without asking. It's because of this shit that there's some friction between the departments. People hide their department's stuff so that other departments can't come in and steal it. Three months later, a scrub brush, a bottle of cleaning concentrate, a squeegee- something gets pulled out of someplace where it got stowed, forgotten about, and stumbled upon. If we had enough equipment to begin with, there wouldn't be any stashing, and there wouldn't be as much losing of equipment. And hell, let's get hopeful and say that there might even be less interdepartmental arguments.

See? Everyone wins.

-BJ


----------



## PrettyKitty (Sep 9, 2007)

Dearest B.

I am so sorry that I didn't keep my promise to you. Doing that was tough. You are one of the most beautiful people I know and I hope one day we can be like it was. Remember, I owe you that dinner. Gosh, I owe you so much more than that. :-\
I love you.

A&F
*~BG~*


----------



## PamelaLois (Sep 9, 2007)

Dear Dark Chocolate,
I love you
Have a nice day


----------



## Wild Zero (Sep 9, 2007)

Dear owner of the 2007 Impreza STi parked on Cambridge Street,

You really shouldn't try leaving the keys in the car with the doors unlocked again. I know, I know, you thought you were in a safe neighborhood and that cop down the block would make sure nobody would touch your ride. Please, if I wasn't on my way to class do you think I'd care about a cop standing outside of his car directing traffic? By the time he got in his car I'd be westbound on the Mass Pike and good luck catching me as I'm pretty sure I could outrun any cruiser chasing me. Ahh if only I didn't have class, damn education.

Love,
A wannabe Colin McRae


----------



## goofy girl (Sep 13, 2007)

Dear Nose,

Please stop being stuffy. It's been this way for weeks and I'm getting tired of carrying a box of tissues everywhere with me. 

Thanks,

Bridget

************************************************

Dear Hiring Mangers,

I've noticed that I have been getting 2-3 rejection letters a week, however, I have not gotten any job offers. If one of you would give me a job, I'd greatly appreciate it. I know I am being a bit picky about the jobs I would take, but all I'm really asking for is a happy, friendly work environment. 

If any of you can do anything to rectify this situation please respond to me with a fabulous job offer at your earliest convenience.

Thank you,

Bridget 

********************************************************

Dear Dad,

I'm so sorry that you suffered at the end like you did. I miss you. I wish you were still here. 

Love,

Bridget


----------



## Count Zero (Sep 13, 2007)

Dear Co-Worker,

If you have an issue with me, instead of talking about it with people behind my back, why don't you just tell me what it is? Pretty sure we're both reasonable people and we can come to some sort of agreement. Other people can't fix whatever issue you may have and I'm sure they're getting sick of hearing about it.

PS. The next time you're not able to get all the work you want to get done, don't leave the boss a letter after I leave blaming me, especially when all I was doing was finishing all the work the boss had asked me to do. Sorry if it interfered with your plans, but tough shit.


----------



## SuperMishe (Sep 13, 2007)

Dear Work,

Why can't you be a place I want to go to everyday? I've been up for nearly three hours and still haven't gotten into the shower because I know once I get dressed, I'll have to go.... and I don't wanna...

Can't you please get less stressful, more interesting and create more parking spaces?

Thanks,
A bored employee


----------



## Count Zero (Sep 13, 2007)

Dear Swiss,

Thank you for creating the Swiss Army knife. This has proven to be a useful tool so many times, and whoever it is a freaking genius who deserves a prize of some sort, if they haven't already got one. Although I do giggle quietly to myself when I hear the term "Swiss Army", because all you've done of note is accidentally invade Liechtenstein. But thank you all the same.

And Sweden:

Thank you for Swedish Fish.


----------



## sunnie1653 (Sep 13, 2007)

Dear Stupid, Bull-headed, selfish, cheapassed boss of mine,

I can NOT believe you expect me, as an hourly employee, to work 45 hours a week and only pay me for 40 of them. I also cannot believe that you actually had the balls to TELL me that. You don't give me a lunch, you don't pay me enough in the first place, and you bitch at me for every. single. fucking. thing. I'm sorry people don't pay their bills. You know I try to collect on their BS debts, you see the paperwork. Quit WHINING about it and try yourself, I've done everything I can do!!!!!!

Sincerely,
Wishing-to-God-I-could-put-in-my-two-week-notice


----------



## PamelaLois (Sep 13, 2007)

sunnie1653 said:


> Dear Stupid, Bull-headed, selfish, cheapassed boss of mine,
> 
> I can NOT believe you expect me, as an hourly employee, to work 45 hours a week and only pay me for 40 of them. I also cannot believe that you actually had the balls to TELL me that. You don't give me a lunch, you don't pay me enough in the first place, and you bitch at me for every. single. fucking. thing. I'm sorry people don't pay their bills. You know I try to collect on their BS debts, you see the paperwork. Quit WHINING about it and try yourself, I've done everything I can do!!!!!!
> 
> ...



Sunny, it's illegal for him not to pay you for overtime, and to refuse you lunches and breaks.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Sep 15, 2007)

Actually, it's my understanding it's NOT illegal to refuse lunches and breaks (they had a news special on about it recently). But it IS illegal for him not to pay you overtime. BIG TIME illegal. If I were you, I'd report his ass.


----------



## butch (Sep 16, 2007)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Actually, it's my understanding it's NOT illegal to refuse lunches and breaks (they had a news special on about it recently). But it IS illegal for him not to pay you overtime. BIG TIME illegal. If I were you, I'd report his ass.



Back in the last century, when I did payroll/hr stuff at my job, it was illegal for hourly employees not to get a 1/2 hour lunch break. Salaried employees and management employees may be different, but if you're punching a time clock, you are entitled to a 1/2 hour, un-paid lunch, and if you're working a full day shift (8 hours) you are entitled to one short break (10 or 15 minutes, I can't remember which) every 4 hours. Granted, you weren't forced to take these breaks, but they are expected to be offered to any hourly employee.

But, laws may have changed, and if they have, then we really do need some sort of worker's revolution.


----------



## pinuptami (Sep 16, 2007)

Dear friend,

That girlfriend of yours is not making herself look any better. Do yourself a favor and get out like I know you really want to.

Love, me


----------



## PamelaLois (Sep 16, 2007)

butch said:


> Back in the last century, when I did payroll/hr stuff at my job, it was illegal for hourly employees not to get a 1/2 hour lunch break. Salaried employees and management employees may be different, but if you're punching a time clock, you are entitled to a 1/2 hour, un-paid lunch, and if you're working a full day shift (8 hours) you are entitled to one short break (10 or 15 minutes, I can't remember which) every 4 hours. Granted, you weren't forced to take these breaks, but they are expected to be offered to any hourly employee.
> 
> But, laws may have changed, and if they have, then we really do need some sort of worker's revolution.



The laws haven't changed.

In companies over a certain number of employees, the law is that you MUST be offered the following if you are an HOURLY employee and work:

Under 4 hours - no break or lunch
4 to 5 hours - 1 paid 15 minute break
5 to 6 hours - 2 paid 15 minute breaks
6 to 8 hours - 2 paid 15 minute breaks and 1 unpaid 30 minute lunch
8 to 10 hours - 2 paid 15 minute breaks and 2 unpaid 1/2 hour lunch or 1 hour lunch
10 hours and up - 1 unpaid 15 minute break for every 4 hours and one 1/2 hour lunch for every 6 hours.

My company is having fits about people not taking their breaks, because corporations can be sued for big money if they are not offering breaks and lunches. We even have to sign a statement, every week when we get paid, that the company has offered ALL applicable breaks and lunches. 

These laws don't apply to salaried employees, though, just hourly.

You also MUST be paid time and a half for working more than 40 hours in any 7 day pay period. That is the law, your boss can't deny you these things, legally, or he is opening himself and the company up to serious legal action.

There should be a sign posted in your break room area that the federal government requires. It stipulates to all these laws, about leaves, minimum wage, where to contact if the laws aren't followed, etc. It is a huge poster that covers everything.


----------



## IdahoCynth (Sep 16, 2007)

Dear Larry Craig,

The closet is dark and scary dear... please come out.

All the best,
Cynthia


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Sep 17, 2007)

Hmm, that's interesting, Butch and Pamela. It was definitely on the news here a couple of days ago - there was a teenager whose boss was not allowing her to take a lunch break - she wanted to know if that was illegal. The local news reported it was not. Of course, you can't believe everything you see on TV - but this is a good news program, and it's hard for me to believe they'd be that far off. Weird. 

Of course, when I saw the program, I didn't believe it, because I had always been under the impression that a 30 minute break was required by law. Weird.


----------



## PamelaLois (Sep 17, 2007)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Hmm, that's interesting, Butch and Pamela. It was definitely on the news here a couple of days ago - there was a teenager whose boss was not allowing her to take a lunch break - she wanted to know if that was illegal. The local news reported it was not. Of course, you can't believe everything you see on TV - but this is a good news program, and it's hard for me to believe they'd be that far off. Weird.
> 
> Of course, when I saw the program, I didn't believe it, because I had always been under the impression that a 30 minute break was required by law. Weird.



It depends on the number of employees the company has. If it's over a certain number, I am not sure what that is, then the laws apply. A very small business isn't bound by the same laws.


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 17, 2007)

To my dearest Loop 1604 E,

We have had a very long relationship but I feel like we need to end things between us. Don't deny it. Things have been off and on between us lately and I need some space. You tend to overreact and blow things out of proportion. Why make a fender bender seem like a 12 car pile up? You don't need to make everything stop!! I keep thinking things will change. I hope for those few good days when we can go on and on, without ever tapping the brakes. But lately, you make me hit the brakes too much. I feel like I can't get anywhere with you. And I need to get this off my chest- I've been cheating on you with your brother, the access road. But don't worry- I'm ending things with him too. He's just too flighty. Sometimes he wants to go fast and other times, he's just as bad as you. I don't want to sit and share our emotions! I want to floor it and speed though our life together. Today was my breaking point. I've decided to start seeing other streets. Vance Jackson is pretty cute. I've also been flirting with Wurzbach AND Blanco. They know how to treat me right.

I'm sorry, 1604, but it's over. Lose my license plate number.

-Samantha


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Sep 17, 2007)

Dear best friend of s/o:

I understand you get bored in your own dorm room at nights when your roommate is out and about. I also understand that, living across the hall from my s/o you enjoy inviting yourself in, hanging out, chatting and the like. However, when you decide to lay in the bed we have to share while we're gone, and you have a cold, it's very likely that one or both of us will end up getting sick too. Now I'm sick and I have a long week ahead of me. Please be considerate in the future and keep your illnesses to yourself. Please and thanks!


----------



## gunther (Sep 17, 2007)

Wild Zero said:


> Dear god,
> Hope you got the letter,
> And I pray you can make it better down here.
> I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
> ...



"Now she's away from convent, she's gone wild
Gone from a nice, young lady to a child..."


Yeah, I'm also a fan of the band cited.


----------



## elle camino (Sep 25, 2007)

dear ridiculously cute chubby balding bike punx kid in my math class ~

you should be single and like fat girls. seriously, consider it.
no?
ok.


well i'm going to stare at you all quarter anyway.

-A.



p.s. bump.


----------



## CAMellie (Sep 26, 2007)

Dear DimChat Crushee,

I have loved and admired you from afar for quite some time now. WHY haven't you read between the lines of my flirting...and name calling? Do you not see that I'm completely smitten with you? Are you fucking blind? What the hell is the matter with you?? HUH? GAH! IDIOT!


*and I no longer wonder about why I'm single :doh: *


----------



## SamanthaNY (Oct 3, 2007)

Dear puppet-master; 

Those are the strongest darn puppet strings I've ever seen! Wow - how do you manage it? And the puppets... they still effortlessly jump at your every push and tug. Here you've been yanking them to and fro for years and years, and the strings never seem to snap, nor do the puppets get worn out. How do you do it? One would think the puppets would break or seize up, after always dancing to the same tune you have on eternal repeat, but nope - they happily (seemingly?) dance away, over and over. Stepping just where you want them to, each and every time. I can see how that makes you feel good ... as if the puppets really need you. Why, my gosh - it's as if they don't *know *they're your puppets at all! 

Every once in a while, I think I _might _see some of the puppet strings fraying... or the faces of a couple of the puppets chipping... but nope! Somehow you fix them before it all falls apart. I guess after all this time, you've learned jusssssssssst how much to pull. Man, that's some artistry, there! Brava! Brava! 

It's most impressive, the little show you put on - or, it would be if it weren't the same thing _over _and _over _and _over_. But still... *clapping* A for Effort. Aren't you tired?


----------



## Stoner (Oct 3, 2007)

Dear coffee machine at work, 

I'm sorry for kicking you this morning, but keeping my money like that and not giving out the coffee... you know you had it coming, didn't ya?


----------



## bmann0413 (Oct 3, 2007)

Dear Me,

Don't ever change, buddy! You rock! 

Love,
Me


----------



## ScreamingChicken (Oct 3, 2007)

ScreamingChicken said:


> Dear brother,
> 
> You are dead to me.
> 
> ...



P.S

You have no idea the wrath you have incurred on yourself. You are literally a man without country. Consider yourself disowned by the entire family. I know what you did and think of you as nothing but a monster. I hope your future cellmates make you their bitch.


----------



## liz (di-va) (Oct 6, 2007)

Dear Jebus: 

I would give quite a bit for a fun, smart, lightly-run but juicy, back-and-forth fat-girl-appreciatin', straight-up, good-for-you Flirt right now. With a lovely handsome, single, actually available man of certain life knowledge to make it all the more nice and interesting pleasepostpixtkthnxbai. Just 'cause, you know. Sometimes flirting is good for a girl.

Alternately: How fun if you would suddenly turn my sweet hottie affianced ex-boss into an FA. HEE!

Well, you know, whatever. But thanks Jebus, G-d. :batting:

Luv
Fatty McWiz

p.s. More wishes to follow, some involving Vin Diesel in weak moments.


----------



## liz (di-va) (Oct 6, 2007)

I will endeavor to entertain myself in the meantime.


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Oct 7, 2007)

To Cubs fans everywhere -
Let us not forget the great ride our favorite team gave us this year. Remember the feeling we had to make it this far. It was a good season, and despite being incomprehensible for almost a half hour after the game, I came to grips with the fact that Arizona just outplayed us. We lost 4 out of 6 during the regular season against them. There are a lot of changes to be worked out by next season, such as a real closer and a permanent right fielder, but we're on our way. This year will be the LAST year to say "There's always next year." It's been fun!

And if anyone laughs or makes a point about the Cubs spending $300 mm this year, kindly remind them that, with the exception of maybe Marquis, not one of the people we bought underperformed. It was money well spent, and will lead us to victory next year.

For now, here's hoping for Cleveland and Colorado!


----------



## themadhatter (Oct 7, 2007)

Blackjack_Jeeves said:


> To Cubs fans everywhere -
> Let us not forget the great ride our favorite team gave us this year. Remember the feeling we had to make it this far. It was a good season, and despite being incomprehensible for almost a half hour after the game, I came to grips with the fact that Arizona just outplayed us. We lost 4 out of 6 during the regular season against them. There are a lot of changes to be worked out by next season, such as a real closer and a permanent right fielder, but we're on our way. This year will be the LAST year to say "There's always next year." It's been fun!
> 
> And if anyone laughs or makes a point about the Cubs spending $300 mm this year, kindly remind them that, with the exception of maybe Marquis, not one of the people we bought underperformed. It was money well spent, and will lead us to victory next year.
> ...




No! Not for Cleveland?! Has the whole world gone mad?!


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Oct 7, 2007)

I say Cleveland more so because I like specific members of the team. There may not be a pro baseball player who plays his heart out like Sizemore.


----------



## supersoup (Oct 7, 2007)

Blackjack_Jeeves said:


> I say Cleveland more so because I like specific members of the team. There may not be a pro baseball player who plays his heart out like Sizemore.



THANK YOU.

psh, yankees...


----------



## themadhatter (Oct 7, 2007)

supersoup said:


> THANK YOU.
> 
> psh, yankees...



Here we go again...haha


----------



## supersoup (Oct 7, 2007)

themadhatter said:


> Here we go again...haha



you'll look mad hot in those chief wahoo briefs boy...

:batting:


----------



## bmann0413 (Oct 7, 2007)

Dear Supersoup,

.... You're hot. That is all. 

From:
Lloyd


----------



## Violet_Beauregard (Oct 7, 2007)

I'm with you Soup!!

Go TRIBE!!!




supersoup said:


> THANK YOU.
> 
> psh, yankees...


----------



## supersoup (Oct 7, 2007)

bmann0413 said:


> Dear Supersoup,
> 
> .... You're hot. That is all.
> 
> ...



:blush: 


sheesh. thanks sir!


----------



## elle camino (Oct 7, 2007)

dear new landlord ~

hey thanks for washing the front steps! i don't really get WHY you washed the front steps instead of, say, fixing the broken water heater or prying the stuck quarters out of that one washing machine or finally taking that sofa in the dumpster room to the dump yourself so the rest of us can actually open the door to get in there and get rid of our trash, but hey! at least the fucking steps are shiny and clean. 
dipshit.

hugs and kisses, 
#101


----------



## themadhatter (Oct 7, 2007)

The previous post reminds me:

Dear landlord:
Thank you for telling me that my upstairs room turns into a heat sink in remotely warm weather. Thank you for saying there would be air conditioning where there is none. Why, it's about 90 degrees up here all day (in October?!?!), and too hot to sleep at night. What the hell man?! It's going to get too hot and fry my computer, seriously. I've told you about this roughly fifteen times, fix it!!!

Sincerely,
Travis

Edit: Since it was brought up earlier: The Yankees win! Theeeee Yankees win! (Actually I can't stand that guy anymore, ha!)


----------



## PamelaLois (Oct 8, 2007)

Dear Green Bay Packers:


*HAHAHAHAHA
LoveA Dedicated Bears Fan*


----------



## liz (di-va) (Oct 8, 2007)

I'm with Pamela on that one .

!


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 8, 2007)

Dear Jealous Bitches,

Talking shit about me behind my back is NOT gonna make the guy like you instead. You're just making yourself look like a bitter hag. Keep up the good work!


----------



## Tina (Oct 8, 2007)

Dear plush but painful bod,

We've been through a lot together -- through thick and thicker -- but you really need to go easy on the fibro and cf crap. We have things we need to do and we have a time frame, too, so please get it together so we can both have the energy and be pain-free enough to take care of business, okay? :huh:  

All tuckered out and looking for the Tiger Balm,

Moi


----------



## supersoup (Oct 10, 2007)

dear friends at dims,

i love you all. some i've had the luck to meet in 'real life' and some are just online buddies, important to me all the same. i promise to always adore you all, and not take you for granted, and to let you know you mean the world to me and have helped me become the self confident and sassy ginger i am today. 

i love you, and if that makes it a clique, so-fucking-be-it,
amanda

:wubu: :wubu: :wubu:


----------



## CrankySpice (Oct 10, 2007)

And we wub you, too, Manda. :wubu: 

oOOo ooo...can the Doom clique has sub-cliques? I think The 'balls Tuesday should be a clique of it's own. TbT 4-Eva!


----------



## tink977 (Oct 10, 2007)

While its on my mind...
Dear His New Girlfriend!
I do not want to be your friend. I don't want to know anything about you and I don't want you to know anything about me. I don't want him to speak my name in your presence or yours in mine. I don't want to know that you think I'm pretty or that we like the same movies. I don't want to like you so don't make me. I don't want you to be sweet and know that you treat him well. I want to pretend you don't exist. 
But I lie...because in all reality....I love him sooooo much that I want him to behappy and if that means he is happy with you...then I must be satisfied with it...but know this...if you ever do him wrong...I will hunt you down and kill you..no remorse.

Yours truly, 
Tink


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 10, 2007)

Dear Weather:

It's fucking *October.* Stop making it be 80+ degrees, ok?

TY.

L.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Oct 10, 2007)

Dear Blogger/Forum Poster/Internet discussion group person:

While I appreciate your opening a window to your life for all us e-voyeurs, there are limits. I don't need to know about a suspicious sore on your genitals, your complete sexual partner roll call, nor do I need to hear about the benefits of plastic vs. metal speculums in your gyno exams. Some info is for you and you alone, so forgive me if the electronic _veritas_ you provide is sometimes too much. It's a thing called TMI and we will like you better because of it.

Not everyone thinks automobiles are sexy, and I'm sorry about your penis. Don't disrespect the ladies so much. Women have issues and so do you. Don't make it sound like all men are assholes, the ones that are just tend to drown out the nicer guys. Some of us I don't need you to spew about how much you love your girlfriend, but then turn around and call a celebrity chick 'fat'. In the same light, there's a reason you keep going back to the guy that treats you like crap. It's called get a clue. "Fo shizzle" never sounds right coming from a Caucasian, so don't do that. I love my kids, but I'm not going to post every morsel of goodness about them online to provide some batshit crazy predator self-pleasure material. Your daughter in the little girl beauty pageant looks like a whore--you don't want to be on 20/20 a year from now. No matter how much you know about Star Wars, it will in no way increase your chances of sleeping with a woman. Yes, to many people Spock and Picard are sexy. Chances are the people who see them as INCREDIBLY sexy picture them together in the love that dare not speak its name, so be prepared for that. I do agree with you, women in costumes are hot. However, I don't care if the girl wearing Leia's metal bikini weighs 300 lbs., she's still hot. Your mileage may vary.

****************************************
Dear son:

No matter how proud you are of those 'nuggets' you leave in the toilet (actually, it's a rather impressive thing there, but it's more of a U-Boat...I swear I heard a sonar PING), no woman will ever see it as such. Rest assured you will always get a thumbs-up from me.

Also, women are weird. You will love them, spend many green purchasing rectangles trying to please them, spend endless hours trying to understand them. They will never make complete sense to you, so just get used to it and be happy with what you can learn. By the way, they won't ever understand you either, those crazy chicks 

P.S. "Chicks" might be seen as sexist, so don't use it. Broads hate that.


----------



## Zandoz (Oct 10, 2007)

Dear Mother Nature:

What's up with the 37 degree drop in high temperatures in 2 days? Lighten up please.


----------



## Suze (Oct 10, 2007)

Dear dog.

Was it really necessary to jump on me and ruin my favourite sweater?

susie


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Oct 11, 2007)

Dearest Brother,

I understand and appreciate your concern in the choices I make... but I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. I'll be alright. Promise.

Love your little sister,
Michelle


----------



## bmann0413 (Oct 11, 2007)

Dear Girl I know who can't take a hint,

I'm TRULY sorry, but you aren't my type. Besides, if we were to start dating, that would mess up our friendship! And I don't wanna mess it up. So STOP SAYING YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND WHEN YOU'RE NOT!!!

Your FRIEND who happens to be a boy,
Lloyd


----------



## cold comfort (Oct 11, 2007)

Zandoz said:


> Dear Mother Nature:
> 
> What's up with the 37 degree drop in high temperatures in 2 days? Lighten up please.



i'm not going to lie to you ... as i checked the internet for a forecast on sunday, all the while sweating in my tank top and nike gym shorts (particularly because my roommate and i refused to give in to mother nature's and the electric company's games and turn our A/C back on) ... i was praying for nothing less than an immediate drop into normal fall temperature, as opposed to the record-breaking hotness we had for about two weeks prior.

and i didn't care how she had to do it. it had just better be here by wednesday. and it was. and now my sinuses ... well, that's another story.


----------



## themadhatter (Oct 11, 2007)

Zandoz said:


> Dear Mother Nature:
> 
> What's up with the 37 degree drop in high temperatures in 2 days? Lighten up please.



Yes, yes, and yes. I caved and put my a/c back in, and then the temperature drops 25 degrees the next day! Not that I don't mind or anything, but dammit make up your mind (to stay colder)! Now where my room was like an oven, now it feels a bit too cold (and no, I didn't leave the a/c running, haha, I know someone was going to say it). What's going on here?

Edit:

Dear roommates,
I like you guys, you're cool and we have great times. But clean up after yourselves in the damned kitchen!


----------



## OnAnotherPlanet (Oct 11, 2007)

Dear Fall Weather,

Took you long enough.

Good to see you again.

Best,

OAP


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 11, 2007)

Dear old guy that lives above me

Be quiet. Be GODDAMN QUIET. Stop dropping shit on the hardwood floor. Stop dragging chairs. Stopping blaring your 70's shit rock. Stop smoking so much that I feel like vomitting in the hallway. 

SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEEEEEEEP!

Yes, that was me who slammed her fist so hard against the wall at 6:20am that one of your pictures fell. Don't make me have to do it again or it's ON.


Other than that, you're a pretty nice guy.

:bow:


----------



## TraciJo67 (Oct 11, 2007)

Dear choking, hacking, wheezing, chain-smoking coworker,

I can deal with just about anything. Mr X who sits a few feet away and silently leaks the contents of his lunch from his ass during the later part of the afternoon. Or Ms Thang who sits on the other side, completely saturated with perfume that appears to be nothing more than sugar water and cheap vanilla extract. They sorta cancel each other out, y'know?

I'm not crazy about it, but I can also live with lazy, incompetent, dishonest, and indifferent. I'm not a manager. I'm just a tiny cog in a great big cube farm of a wheel.

What I'm having trouble with is your unrelentingly wet, phlegmy, hacking choke of a cigarette cough. Well that, and the fact that you always smell like the still smouldering butt in an overflowing ashtray. 

I hate listening to you talk on the phone: "That's right (dry hack) Mr. X. Your (hack) hearing is scheduled for .... (very prolonged bout of more productive hacking, followed by slight wheezing) ..... lemme see, October 16 .... (hack ... wheeze ... hack) ... please be sure to bring .... (choke ... hack ... choke ... HACK HACK HACK HACK) ..."

I hate trying to talk on the phone myself while you are attempting to cough up your protesting lungs. I hate trying to quietly work while you're bent over your desk, struggling to breathe, looking for a cigarette while the smoke from the one you had not 5 minutes ago still clings to (and maliciously sucks the oxygen from within a 50 foot radius of) your body. 


I REALLY hate that you are constantly calling in sick (and you really ARE sick ... hopefully not with lung cancer, but almost surely its close friend emphysema) ... and we have to cover for you. And we're already hopelessly behind with our own work. 

Would you please consider scaling back a bit? The patch? Cold turkey? Hell, how about just switching from full-flavor unfiltereds to lights? Your lungs will thank you for it. Your family will love you for it. I'll hate you just a little bit less, you lazy, inflexible, time-stealing, ignorant, woefully uneducated but old as the hills & therefore grandfathered-in poor excuse for a so-called professional :::deep breath -- I can draw one:::

Much love,
Your Coworkers ... all of whom are far, far better educated & vastly more qualified than you ... and still paid a tiny fraction of what you're sitting back on your lazy ass & collecting. 

P.S. We have an office pool going on the exact date you're going to finally hack up one of those blackened lungs .... and then nonchalantly swallow it back down ... all while on the phone with one of your poor, short-strawed clients.


----------



## pinuptami (Oct 13, 2007)

Dear Cat,

Stop it. You wake me up at night, and it irritates me.

xoxo


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 13, 2007)

Dear People Who Think They Know The REAL Me And What REALLY Happened,


You don't! So shut the fuck up and find someone new to talk shit about. kthnxbai


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Oct 13, 2007)

Dear family,

While I appreciate your concern and well-wishes when my boys are not feeling well, you have a near-precognitive ability to call when I am cleaning up a half gallon of lung butter my boy just horked onto the carpet (Teflon. I tell you the future of home design is Teflon carpeting). 

Don't feel bad, though. Almost every other time you call it's usually when I'm giving them a bath or putting them to bed. My toilet must also have some sensor that goes off like the fucking Batsignal every time I have my evening constitutional because that's the ONLY other time you call. I didn't buy a cordless so I can chat while I am "downloading".

I detest answering machines because that means a) I have to listen to your Shakespearean soliloquy to find out what you want and b) I have to call you back when I actually have FREE TIME, which I am not wont to do at this particular moment. All I can smell are diarrhea, antibiotics and curdled milk, and all I want is to visit Ms. Shower Stall and then visit Dim to see what the Ditki are up to.

Don't call me, I'll call you. If you know the kids are sick, assume for the most part I am incommunicado.

On a lighter note, there's nothing like 3 hours of naptime (thank you cold medicine) to let the Admiral relax.

*This Birth Control Message brought you by by Snackbar, Ltd. All rights reserved.*


----------



## Stoner (Oct 13, 2007)

Dear Me,

Stop using the forum's social action funtion to hug yourself all the time... even if it feels good, it's still lame.


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 13, 2007)

Stoner said:


> Dear Me,
> 
> Stop using the forum's social action funtion to hug yourself all the time... even if it feels good, it's still lame.



(((((((((((((((((((((((((NUNO))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


----------



## mimosa (Oct 13, 2007)

I know exactly what you mean! And all I have to say is, ....Bless you. :bow: *Hugs*



Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear family,
> 
> While I appreciate your concern and well-wishes when my boys are not feeling well, you have a near-precognitive ability to call when I am cleaning up a half gallon of lung butter my boy just horked onto the carpet (Teflon. I tell you the future of home design is Teflon carpeting).
> 
> ...


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Oct 20, 2007)

Dear Christian Bale,

Thank you for being ever-so hot and also for being famous so I can stare at you in various films and photos and not feel creepy. And also avoid anti-stalking legislation.

Lustfully,
-Barb


----------



## mimosa (Oct 20, 2007)

Dear Dims Crush

Yeah, I am over you. The truth is you hurt me. You only talk to me when you are in the mood. That is not cool with me. I was always tried to be kind to you when you didn't deserve it. You say you like me...but If you want to continue talking to me......this time ....You have to keep me interested.  Have a nice day. :kiss2:




Mimosa


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 20, 2007)

Just back off.

You're so overly flirty it comes off as pathetic. 
If I could, I would lay you out.
Know that.




I wish I could yell how I feel about him from the rafters but I don't have that ability...and it hurts more than he will ever know.


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 20, 2007)

Dear FORMER DimChat crush,

You hurt me! You hurt me pretty badly. Do I blame you? No! I blame me. Would I kick your ass over it though? HELL YEAH! Bastard!


----------



## JSmirkingRevenge (Oct 20, 2007)

Dear Me,

Come up with something cool to do with your day off. This is day off #3 and so far you have nothing to show for it. 

Love,
Me


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 20, 2007)

Surlysomething said:


> Just back off.
> 
> You're so overly flirty it comes off as pathetic.
> If I could, I would lay you out.
> ...




Instead of shouting it from the rafters, I ended it. He's all yours, ladies.
(as if he were ever mine)


----------



## JSmirkingRevenge (Oct 20, 2007)

dear Red Sox,

thanks for always making it interesting.

love, 
me


----------



## mimosa (Oct 20, 2007)

Dear Men 

Just because I treat you with some kindness DOES NOT MEAN that I am in love with you. Sorry to disappoint you. Can't a person just be nice? I have only been in love once. AND IT'S NOT WITH YOU! 


:bow:Have a nice day anyway,
Mimi


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 21, 2007)

Hey you,

You know who you are. I'm so very happy to have you in my life. You make me feel special...cherished...so very VERY loved. Thank you for everything. Your words of kindness, wisdom, love, faith, and hope have made me a stronger, better person.

I love you

remember that

always


----------



## supersoup (Oct 25, 2007)

hey you,

get off your effing soapbox. this place would be a lot better if you'd quit doling out, to what you seem to see as your little minions or lesser-thans, these bullshit nuggets of self assured, head up your ass, snarky, and holier than thou information. you make me want to throw up, as everytime i see your avatar in a thread, i know there is a pretty good chance it's going to end up in a shit slinging fest. newsflash. you are NOT right about everything, what you think is NOT what everyone else SHOULD think, and you are very, very, very far from a perfect human being. grow some compassion, humility, and decency. maybe THEN i won't want to post the rolling eyes smiley ten thousand times every time you post. this place often teeters on the edge of awesome and in turmoil...let's keep it lovely, yes?

with hope for your possible turn for the better,
AMANDA, the equal.



and no, i'm not telling who this is to.


----------



## Catkin (Oct 25, 2007)

Dear housemate whose room is above me,

Please stop being so loud. I don't know what you are doing crashing about at 12.20 at night, but please stop it. It's not as if you're a big or clumsy person anyway - in fact, you are the quietest person I have ever met, and as you know, we all refer to you as a ninja.

And yes, I am too lazy to walk upstairs and tell you to be quiet 

__________________

Dear bestest best friend

Why must things be so complicated? I like you, you like me, but yet nothing is happening except the odd kiss. I know this is because you're messed up in the head, and think that us being together is wrong, but that doesn't stop me wanting you, or being upset when you tell me this. I hate that it is all so one-sided; stuff only happens when you are ok with it. Bah! 

But all of this doesn't change the fact that you are one of the most important people in my life. You have made the last year very special, and I honestly think that without you I would have given up and gone back home. I hope we can stay friends forever. Not that I can see us growing apart...I couldn't spend every day with anyone else without getting annoyed or bored with them, and I know that you feel the same way.

I know I've never told you this, but I do love you. Not in an "I want your babies" way though. I won't let myself do that unless I know it's going somewhere. See you in the morning xxx

__________________

Dear mum / family / all our friends

stop telling us that we should be together. It hurts, because I know it's probably not going to happen, and you don't.

__________________


Dear local shops

please give me a job. I am broke, and still need to pay the water bill. 

Love, the best employee ever (possibly not true...)


----------



## TraciJo67 (Oct 26, 2007)

hey you (yeah YOU, supersoup),

Why not have the courage to at least name names? I mean, so long as you're going to get down 'n dirty and ... dare I say it ... dole out your own nugget of ... information? Because there isn't anything nice, or awesome, or lovely about what you've said below. It is, in fact, a great big ball of shit that you've lopped at your intended target. And for what purpose? What kind of response were you hoping to get -- a measured, reasoned one? 

It isn't what you've said that raises my hackles, it is that you apparently think that you're somehow above it all because you're trying to keep Dims 'lovely'. Yeah. With this nice ditty below. Sure you are. 

I don't know who you were referring to, and I don't care (unless it was me; in which case, please feel free to disclose that here). It's that you had such feelings and chose to express them in this fashion, which I view as extreme passive-aggressive cowardice. I'm tired of seeing this kind of "I confess I hate someone but I won't say who but I'll hint around so my friends in the know can laugh and give me all sorts of REP points." 

Jeezus. If you're going to share the love, own the responsibility for sharing the whole enchilada with us ... or don't say anything at all. 




supersoup said:


> hey you,
> 
> get off your effing soapbox. this place would be a lot better if you'd quit doling out, to what you seem to see as your little minions or lesser-thans, these bullshit nuggets of self assured, head up your ass, snarky, and holier than thou information. you make me want to throw up, as everytime i see your avatar in a thread, i know there is a pretty good chance it's going to end up in a shit slinging fest. newsflash. you are NOT right about everything, what you think is NOT what everyone else SHOULD think, and you are very, very, very far from a perfect human being. grow some compassion, humility, and decency. maybe THEN i won't want to post the rolling eyes smiley ten thousand times every time you post. this place often teeters on the edge of awesome and in turmoil...let's keep it lovely, yes?
> 
> ...


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear effing employees,

Thank you for leaving me in a massive bind for this weekend's game. My tears of frustration cannot express how truly wonderful it feels to have my emails go unanswered. I wish I could bail on my responsibilities so that I could finish _my_ research papers too but unlike _you_ when I commit to something, I follow through. And now I have even MORE work to do, so just in case you didn't catch that the first time around, I really F**KING appreciate it!

Flipping you the bird,
Michelle


----------



## bmann0413 (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear Girl I Have A Big Crush On,

Why don't you realize that I like you more than a friend? I gave you hints and everything! I even said out loud once! You keep getting yourself hurt by these other jerks, but we both know that I would never do that to you!

Here's to hoping you realize soon,
Lloyd


----------



## CrankySpice (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear Traci Jo,

Why, in a thread consisting almost entirely of letters of varying levels of annoyed-ness, and almost entirely to anonymous unnamed persons, have you chosen to attack this particular post by this particular person for ... doing what is done in this thread? Or ... have you just not noticed the thread before? If you are "tired" of seeing ... this kind of post ... maybe it is best to stop reading the kind of threads they tend to ... appear in?

Helpfully,

Cranky




TraciJo67 said:


> hey you (yeah YOU, supersoup),
> 
> Why not have the courage to at least name names? I mean, so long as you're going to get down 'n dirty and ... dare I say it ... dole out your own nugget of ... information? Because there isn't anything nice, or awesome, or lovely about what you've said below. It is, in fact, a great big ball of shit that you've lopped at your intended target. And for what purpose? What kind of response were you hoping to get -- a measured, reasoned one?
> 
> ...


----------



## ripley (Oct 26, 2007)

As someone who has been on the end of some veiled digs and passive-aggressive swipes, I gotta say that it's no fun. Whenever I see posts that don't name anyone I always think they're about me. I'm tired of worrying about it...people will do what they will do. 



That is all.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 26, 2007)

CrankySpice said:


> Dear Traci Jo,
> 
> Why, in a thread consisting almost entirely of letters of varying levels of annoyed-ness, and almost entirely to anonymous unnamed persons, have you chosen to attack this particular post by this particular person for ... doing what is done in this thread? Or ... have you just not noticed the thread before? If you are "tired" of seeing ... this kind of post ... maybe it is best to stop reading the kind of threads they tend to ... appear in?
> 
> ...



Dear Cranky-

The difference is the other letters were not veiled attacks on other Dims members. Open letters to bosses, partners, the seasons, or black beans and rice are wholly different from a letter directed at somebody who posts here and who it is fairly simple to guess who she means. I think Traci's issue with it was not the idea of a letter expressing frustration with somebody/something---but a personal attack on another member. And personal attacks on other members are supposed to be against the rules here.

If you look at our history, Traci Jo and I agree on....pretty much nothing. But I repped her for this because she is absolutely right.

Respectfully,
L.


----------



## CrankySpice (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear L.,

I respectfully disagree, using the following posts as cases on point:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=574602&postcount=103

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=583426&postcount=139

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=585798&postcount=146

And heavens knows, it happens everywhere on these boards, or on the internet, in general. (and ripley, yeah, I feel that way, too, when something is vague enough to include almost anyone. I never know whom anyone is talking about [including all of the referenced posts here & soup's post, too]...or, at the very least, am the last one to catch on.) 

So, it just struck me as particularly odd that, at this particular time, and especially in this particular thread, someone is being called to the carpet for doing what, well, I've seen TraciJo do herself. (And I've done it, too, it's not a criticism, it's an observation.)


----------



## elle camino (Oct 26, 2007)

post script!
black beans and rice never actually wrote me back, but i'm still in love.


----------



## adasiyan (Oct 26, 2007)

my turn 

Dear husband,

If you try and drive that damn RC mini helicopter into me one more time, I swear that i will flush it down the toilet.

You loving wife.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 26, 2007)

elle camino said:


> post script!
> black beans and rice never actually wrote me back, but i'm still in love.



Dear Black Beans and Rice:

You should answer your fan mail.

L.


----------



## Ash (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear Love and Traci,

I didn't see any veil here. Soup spoke candidly about how she feels. She just chose not to name names and thus cause embarrassment to the poster in question. And I'm quite sure that the person you're thinking of and the person Soup is talking about are two totally different people. I'm actually 100% certain of this.

I've recently been on the receiving end of an unkind comment left by someone after he or she assumed that a post I made was intended to jab at him or her, when, in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the post in question was very vague, innocent, and not concerning anyone who posts here at all. 

This thread is completely based on passive-aggressiveness. If it wasn't, we'd be bitching to our bosses, partners, or black-beans and rice instead of bitching to each other. I see nothing wrong with soup's post. She spoke honestly without directly attacking anyone. I actually prefer her approach to that of calling someone out by name, in public. 

Passive-aggressively,

Ashley


----------



## elle camino (Oct 26, 2007)

mine is mostly passive-amorousness.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 26, 2007)

elle camino said:


> mine is mostly passive-amorousness.



Dear Elle-

You are never passive in the least when speaking of your love for black beans and rice. You're full on passionate! Your description of that burrito place as 'making burritos that are exactly the size of the human stomach + three bites' is a veritable sonnet. 

Admiringly,
L.


----------



## elle camino (Oct 26, 2007)

yeah that one is going in the anthology.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 26, 2007)

Ashley said:


> Dear Love and Traci,
> 
> I didn't see any veil here. Soup spoke candidly about how she feels. She just chose not to name names and thus cause embarrassment to the poster in question. And I'm quite sure that the person you're thinking of and the person Soup is talking about are two totally different people. I'm actually 100% certain of this.
> 
> ...



Dear Ashley-

Your own experience highlights why 'calling out' another member is wholly different from calling out a landlord for not tossing out an old sofa or a bank for not hiring you. Soup's post attacked another member, not some rice. Whether or not I know or think I know who she meant is not the issue. In your case, somebody *thought* you were jabbing at them and so they jabbed at you. It's clear from your letter that you know who she's referring to, and so Traci's point is well made. Insulting other members is against the rules here, and so I'd think insulting other members covertly would be against the rules too.

Directly,
L.


----------



## ripley (Oct 26, 2007)

Ashley said:


> I've recently been on the receiving end of an unkind comment left by someone after he or she assumed that a post I made was intended to jab at him or her, when, in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the post in question was very vague, innocent, and not concerning anyone who posts here at all.



My rep comment to you was not unkind. I was hurt, and puzzled.


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 26, 2007)

LoveBHMS said:


> I'd think insulting other members covertly would be against the rules too.



If this were so we'd likely lose a good number of posters.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Oct 26, 2007)

There's this guy, and he makes a good point now and then, but he talks about masturbating all the time. GEEZ.


----------



## ekmanifest (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear black beans and rice,

Why aren't you done yet???


----------



## mossystate (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear Ewe,

Winter is coming and we need the wood. I know I should not care, but I see so many more deserving of the sustenance given you. Can I expect a change? 


Not So Sincerely,

8


----------



## supersoup (Oct 26, 2007)

just so anyone that would like to know, now knows, no one in my 'inner circle' of dims friends knows who that was to. i wrote because i was irritated, and i have the fucking right to say what i feel. don't like it? sorry. maybe it is passive aggressive. do i give a fuck? no. i chose not to address the person directly because i don't deal in internet drama. i'm sure there have been loads of *gasp* veiled comments towards me, and i really don't care. no one needs to like me, i'm not going to cry if you don't, trust me. also, i in no way, shape, or form think i'm above anything. i just don't think this board should turn into snarky shit slinging fests all the time, so i fucking said something about it. this board is responsible for lifelong friendships for me, so get the fuck over it that i'm sad to see it get all snotty all the time. I DON'T CARE. freeeeeeeedom of speech. FREEdom of SPEECH. i don't deal in drama period actually, so i'm moving the fuck on. 


dear little lost girl at work today,

you rock, and so does your mama. you knew your name, your mama's name, and not to leave the store without her, and to get help as soon as you were lost. you are quite the smart cookie for 4 years old!! hooray for you for being so brave at such a young age!

glad you were only lost for 10 minutes,
amanda


----------



## ripley (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear Soupy,

I love you, I hope you know that. But Dims is often a mixed bag. There are so many people here, coming from so many places, looking for so many different things....

You're right, it is freedom of speech. Sometimes, that means people are free to say things you don't like at all. Snarky, shit-slinging things. Snide things. Passive-aggressive things. Things no one understands. Things people purposefully _mis_understand. Wonderful things. Kind things. Funny things.

I've had a problem lately, feeling like I don't belong here. I'm trying to not feel so raw, and feel like everything is about me. Your original post though, made me think "Man, could this be about me?" I bet I wasn't the only one. So your words are maybe landing on places you didn't intend them to. 

It's the nature of the beast, it seems...misunderstandings. 

Love,
rip


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear inner peace,

Where are you? Do you even really exist? If so please contact me asap as I'm tired from worrying over everything I can't control.

Thanks ever so,
Nancy


----------



## TraciJo67 (Oct 26, 2007)

CrankySpice said:


> Dear L.,
> 
> I respectfully disagree, using the following posts as cases on point:
> 
> ...



You've seen me vaguely criticize someone, without the intended recipient knowing that I'm speaking exactly to/about him or her? I don't think so. I'm usually pretty straightforward about who or what I don't like, and why. 

I have made statements in the past about the vaguely critical snipes that leave the rest of us guessing at just who the intended recipient is. I don't see everything, or feel the need to comment on everything that I do see. And Lord knows, I'm not suggesting that we all just play nice. Just that, I'm really tired of seeing this sort of thing. If I could avoid it, I actually would ... but as you said yourself, it's everywhere. How about someone just start a thread called "Guess Who I'm Snarking At Today (But Don't Bother Asking, coz I'm Far Too 'Nice' To Tell You Directly)."


----------



## mossystate (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear Letters to people and things...thread, 

I also felt/feel that I was/am the target of a certain spanking letter. The reason I felt this is because I do so enjoy a bit of sarcasm and on more than one ( million ) occasion, I have liked partaking in a bit of finding holes in a persons logic or their demands out here. I realized that some folks might define this aspect of my personality as...negative....or...fruitless. It is sometimes a way to beat my head against walls, wanting a guy or gal to see how ....oh my gosh, there are too many adjectives which could work here...they are. It really is silly for any of us to voice an opinion on...anything..when you think about it..yet, that is what most people do..it is hardwired to want to be heard. Now, some noises will be too harsh for some ears....even I have to wear earplugs now and then, and I do not fault the folks I like out here who step away from me when I REALLY want to be heard

Dims will never be everything to all people, including me. I am even ok with the fact that there are people here who irritate the snot out of me. 

I have felt my stomach in a small knot out here..I have laughed until my eyes watered..I have cried when some have allowed me to know something that they only ever imagined sharing, while up in the middle of the night....I have become very angry when I see manipulation...I have cursed some out one side of my mouth, while the other side is saying, damn, must be hell being like this...I have had some very nice things said to me when I needed it most...I hope I have done the same for at least one other person out here.

I am a person who can and wants to experience great laughter..and at other times...great rolling up my sleeves and gettin down to bidness.

I am rambling. Freedom of speech..yup..has to cover everybody, and I would never want it any other way. Oh, and we have some fine Mods out and about. They tend to keep things where things need to be.

Life..Dims..Me..You..That Other Person Over There...quite the boof-ette.



MossyMonique


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## NancyGirl74 (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear Carly Simon,

I think that song was about me.............


----------



## ripley (Oct 26, 2007)

mossystate said:


> ...I hope I have done the same for at least one other person out here.



Yes, you have.


----------



## mossystate (Oct 26, 2007)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Carly Simon,
> 
> I think that song was about me.............



............


----------



## mossystate (Oct 26, 2007)

ripley said:


> Yes, you have.



thank you..


----------



## PamelaLois (Oct 26, 2007)

PamelaLois said:


> Dear Boss,
> 
> Could you stop being such an inconsiderate ass? You have been my store manager for the 12 weeks we have been open and have screwed up my paycheck 3 times. That comes out to 25% of my paychecks being short. Last week, I was supposed to have a sick day and a vacation day added to my check, but since I worked over 40 hours that week, the computer wouldn't let YOU put in more than 4 hours of sick pay. But instead of ASKING someone how to add the extra hours to my check, you just blew it off, didn't ask for help, and didn't bother to tell me or anyone else. Thanks to your lack of consideration, my paycheck was short by almost $200 and I barely had enough money for my house payment. How would you feel if your check were messed up? I don't think you would be too happy about it. It really chaps my hide to have these kinds of things happen when I work my ass of for you, and don't get anything but crap for it. Last week I put in 62 hours because YOU didn't bother to get anyone to replace my department manager while she was on vacation, and yet we had appointments booked all week. I begged for help, TOLD you I would end up with huge overtime, and tried to get someone to come work. But no, you blew it off, then yelled at me for having 22 hours of overtime! We would all be better off if you were gone from our store, and believe me, we are working hard on just that. When you give your little pre-opening pep talks and prattle on about "OUR" hard work, don't you realize everyone is smirking behind your back, because WE are the ones working hard, and YOU are the one taking the credit. Jerk.



Dear Boss again, 

While I don't take back any of the things I said above, I have to say that I am sorry for being so crabby about things in light of what's happened to you. I may not like you much, but I wouldn't wish on anyone what you have. I am sorry you have lymphoma, for the second time, and now some of your behaviour the past few months makes more sense. I wish you had told us sooner, we would have been more understanding of why you were taking so many days off, leaving early, etc. I am sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye yesterday before you left for Texas and the cancer center. I hope you get the treatment you need to extend your life, and I hope it's longer than the 3 years they gave you. You aren't a bad guy and I will be thinking of you.


----------



## themadhatter (Oct 27, 2007)

(Warning, contains mass amounts of profanity, lotsa f-bombs)

Dear employer,
Hello. Remember when you asked why I moved to Erie? Remember when I told you it was for school? I thought that made it obvious that school was my first priority. Evidently I was being quite obtuse at the time, though I was unaware. So then remember afterwards when I told you that I could only work 15-20 hours a week, staggered, and still hope to pass my classes? Well, I thought I made the staggered part obvious, but again, I guess I was being obtuse. So answer me this. How in the fucking hell do you think it's a good idea to schedule me 15 hours over Friday and Saturday, then when the schedule rolls over to next week schedule me 16 hours on Sunday and Monday?!?! What the fuck?! Apart from class I have 30-35 hours worth of intel work to do each fucking week, pretty much between Wednesday and the following Monday night. That's six days. Now how in the flying fuck am I supposed to get this done while still working a good 30-35 for you during the same time period, without being hopped up on no-doz and fucking Red Bull every stinking hour?! I've told you this, in writing, multiple times already! If you need staff, fucking hire people, jesus christ!
Now look, I like you guys, I like working for you. But the current situation, and this has been known to you for several weeks, is un-fucking-tenable! If you expect me to forgo my responsibilities to grad school and be at work on Sunday and Monday, you're batshit fucking insane! Good day to you sir!

(Note that my actual letter to the boss was a good deal more eloquent and actually a bit longer, ha)


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 27, 2007)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear inner peace,
> 
> Where are you? Do you even really exist? If so please contact me asap as I'm tired from worrying over everything I can't control.
> 
> ...



Inner peace does exist, trust me. It is in part as simple as not worrying about things you have no control over. The simplicity is what makes it so hard to find, though.


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Oct 27, 2007)

Dear everyone reading this thread,

Just to clarify, my employees suck... Not you. 

Cheers,
Michelle


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 27, 2007)

Dear Billy Connolly,

You are fucking hilarious. I'm on the floor, breathlessly laughing at 5:30 in the fucking morning, and it's like the best thing ever.

-BJ


----------



## DUBLINDA (Oct 27, 2007)

Blackjack said:


> Dear Billy Connolly,
> 
> You are fucking hilarious. I'm on the floor, breathlessly laughing at 5:30 in the fucking morning, and it's like the best thing ever.
> 
> -BJ



Dear BlackJack,

You have very good taste in stand-up comedians. If Mr Connolly really does it for you then I have to recommend Mr Des Bishop as he is just the best. Enjoy. 

Fat hugs
Linda.


----------



## mimosa (Oct 27, 2007)

Dear IM guy

It could've been wonderful. But you rushed beautiful words and totally turned me off in the process. But I guess everyone makes mistakes. I know I do! Hopefully we can start over. :bow:

Dear Cupid

Why is it that I seem to care about the wrong person? What the hell is going on with those arrows? Next time, aim at that the right person , por favor! 


Muchas Gracias,
Mimi


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Oct 27, 2007)

Dear Every Unavailable Guy I Ever Had A Crush On ~

Will you please stop dating, seeing, being married to that other chick and start dating, seeing, marrying me? Will you please stop living so far away? Will you please stop being emotionally unavailable and get over yourself? I'd appreciate it.

Thanks, 
Nancy

**************



> Inner peace does exist, trust me. It is in part as simple as not worrying about things you have no control over. The simplicity is what makes it so hard to find, though.



Dear BJ ~

Thanks, Confucius.


Sincerely,
Nancy


----------



## bmann0413 (Oct 27, 2007)

mimosa said:


> Dear Cupid
> 
> Why is it that I seem to care about the wrong person? What the hell is going on with those arrows? Next time, aim at that the right person , por favor!
> 
> ...



Dear Mimosa,

I know how ya feel. I always seem to care for the wrong person, and they end up breaking my heart. So now I just sit back and wait for the right person. But just make sure that the right people you care for a lot is the ones who are already in your life, like your family and friends. Because they care for you, too! 

From the Danny Phantom fan,
Lloyd (aka bmann0413)


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Oct 28, 2007)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Every Unavailable Guy I Ever Had A Crush On ~
> 
> Will you please stop dating, seeing, being married to that other chick and start dating, seeing, marrying me? Will you please stop living so far away? Will you please stop being emotionally unavailable and get over yourself? I'd appreciate it.



Dear *NancyGirl74*,

I second that.

Cheers,
Michelle


----------



## Catkin (Oct 28, 2007)

Dear pyjamas,

I love you. Just thought you should know that! I know you're not the classiest or best-fitting clothes, but you are damn comfy and that's what matters to me in the long run  Wearing you also means that I don't have to bother with getting dressed for most of the weekend. Yay for being a slob!


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 28, 2007)

Dear whoever

Why am I so unlucky with everything?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 28, 2007)

mossystate said:


> I have had some very nice things said to me when I needed it most...I hope I have done the same for at least one other person out here.
> 
> MossyMonique



Dear Monique...

Make that two

Thanks


----------



## bmann0413 (Oct 28, 2007)

Dear EXTREMELY messy dorm room of mine,

Why the hell you won't get clean?! I clean you up yesterday, and now you're messy again?! WHAT THE HELL?!

Totally pissed off,
Lloyd


----------



## IdahoCynth (Oct 28, 2007)

Dear Cynth,

Get off your ass and get the laundry done and the house vaccumed.

Sincerly,
Your inner mom voice.


----------



## CrankySpice (Oct 28, 2007)

Dear Bed,

Thanking for being so wonderful & comfortably soft yet supportive. I love how whenever I lay down on you, I sink into your fluffy goodness and feel like I am floating away into sleep. You are the best bed, ever. I wish I could magically multiply you and give you to every person I know so they can experience the wonderful comfort that is you.

Love,
me

PS--please talk to the comforter about his tendency to wiggle about in the duvet. If he gets that straightened out, my slumber world would be perfect.


----------



## cold comfort (Oct 28, 2007)

CrankySpice said:


> Dear Bed,
> 
> Thanking for being so wonderful & comfortably soft yet supportive. I love how whenever I lay down on you, I sink into your fluffy goodness and feel like I am floating away into sleep. You are the best bed, ever. I wish I could magically multiply you and give you to every person I know so they can experience the wonderful comfort that is you.
> 
> ...



dammit! i'm trying to rep you but apparently i need to spread that kindof stuff around before coming back to your magical posts.

not only was this heart-warming and touching, but i also share this kind of relationship with my bed - so i totally understand the bond you two have established. it's a deliciously beautiful thing, indeed. mmmbed. :wubu:


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 28, 2007)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear BJ ~
> 
> Thanks, Confucius.
> 
> ...



:bow:

It's true, though.


----------



## natesnap (Oct 28, 2007)

Dear Quaker Oats Oatmeal,

A pox on you for not informing me you were crazy delicious when mixed with Skippy peanut butter. 

Dear Diving School Instructor,

I'm sorry I lost the last T joint to the pipe tree project on Friday and I won't do it again now knowing you WILL shut off my surface supplied air for a brief interval.

Dear Seattle Divers,

Left lane is for fast drivers, right lane is for slower drivers and merging. Just thought you all needed the reminder.


----------



## Carrie (Oct 28, 2007)

natesnap said:


> Dear Quaker Oats Oatmeal,
> 
> A pox on you for not informing me you were crazy delicious when mixed with Skippy peanut butter.


Dear nate, 

Few things in life are not made better by peanut butter. Lasagna is not, bathing oil-slicked penguins is not, and washing windows is not. That's pretty much it. 

Now you know. :bow:


----------



## mimosa (Oct 28, 2007)

Dearest friend,

The truth is , I am a little disapointed. But I get it.  What was I suppose to expect? It was wonderful while it lasted. Sweet and tender chats about our children, and plenty of flirting It was amazing. I will never forget you. I will always care about you. Thanks for the wonderful times we had.

Mimi


----------



## Blue_Rainbow3 (Oct 29, 2007)

Dear FA working on the house across the street,

I didn’t really notice you until I was out of my car gathering my things together. When you said hello, I thought oh, how nice someone friendly. When you asked how life was treating me, I thought okay someone really friendly. Had I not been on my way into work and a few minutes late, I would have actually had a real conversation with you. I thought I heard an accent, which had me slightly intrigued. Anyway, coming out and finding that you had left a note on my car with your number on it made me smile. 

Our first conversation was uninteresting at best. You asked me three questions about myself 1. was I married (I wouldn’t be calling you if I were married, but you wouldn’t know that) 2. where did I live (you’ll only get a very general answer &#8211; CA) and 3. did I live alone (no, I have lots of roommates- some who are really big guys).

Here are some things that could have made that conversation go better. 
Actually asking question about me
Not telling me 3-4 that you like girls with “fuller figures” (I think I figured that out and one time would have been enough)
Not calling me sweetheart after 2 seconds of talking me
Not assuming I have low self-esteem because I have a “fuller figure”
Not trying to educate me on the fact that there are guys who like women like me
Not asking me if I wanted to hook up (what does that mean, just ask me out)
So thanks for making me smile and while I realize I don’t speak for every woman with a “fuller figure”, I hope this is somehow helpful. We won’t be speaking again. 

Good Luck, 
Me


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Oct 29, 2007)

Dear Cold,

I understand (even if I don't like it) the stuffy nose, the chest congestion, the aches, the pains and the fatigue...

What I really don't understand is why you have to make the insides of my ears itch. The kind of itch that cannot be reached and leaves me making strange faces as I try to scratch the unreachable itch with the back of my tongue. 

You are cruel and torturous foe, Cold.

Regards,
Nancy


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 29, 2007)

Dear Me


Thank you hair for looking kick-ass today.
Thank you jeans for hugging my ample ass just right today.
Thank you coffee for tasting perfect today.
Thank you ginger-molasses cookie for hitting that craving spot I had this morning just right.
Thank you Monday for not being the harsh mistress you usually are.
Thank you self for continuing to put one foot forward every day.

You rock! :batting:


----------



## elle camino (Oct 29, 2007)

dear someone (anyone!) with lots of time and patience on their hands~

make these. 
http://www.chow.com/stories/10746
and send me some. 


thanks a heap,

-e.


----------



## CrankySpice (Oct 29, 2007)

Dear Bed,

Last night was amazing. Let's do it again tonight, shall we?

Love,

Your biggest fan


----------



## LillyBBBW (Oct 29, 2007)

Dear Bed,

I miss you terribly. I've been involved in a torrid love afair with those darned Red Sox again. Yes I know, I'm a worthless whore who will fling myself shamelessly at anything that catches my fancy but I realize how much you truly mean to me and can no longer stand the deep sense of emptyness I feel being apart from you. I want to come home. Please take me back.

Devoutly,
me


----------



## Wild Zero (Oct 29, 2007)

Dear Baltimore,

Thank you for salvaging a miserable weekend in Washington with your wily ways.


----------



## Stoner (Oct 29, 2007)

Dear Me,

Ok, so I miss the hugs. Besides, what good is the social action thingy for, if you can't use it on yourself? Carry on.:happy:


----------



## bmann0413 (Oct 30, 2007)

Dear Money,

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! I needs you in my wallet! I'm tired of being broke!

Pissed off,
Lloyd


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 30, 2007)

Dear Certain Someone,

You have been so very patient. There for me as a friend while I made mistake after mistake...listening to me moan and complain. Never saying a word...until...POW!


I love you, too!


----------



## PrettyKitty (Oct 30, 2007)

Dear Brutus,

You make me hot. I want you...a lot.


----------



## RedVelvet (Oct 30, 2007)

Dear Debt,

Im working on you as fast as I can sew. Please let me sleep now.

Thank you.


----------



## elle camino (Nov 1, 2007)

cram it with walnuts, ugly. 

<3,
abflex.


edit: not to RV.


----------



## Emma (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear __________

I've still not forgiven myself for _________________. I know you've long forgot me and probably think it's stupid/psycho that I still care about it. But I do. There are many times I wonder what it would be like now. 

Still sorry. 


Dear _________.
You are a dick and you smell of poo. If I ever had to touch you again then I'd have to scrub my skin with bleach. When I was tripping I thought they had erected a statue for you. It was called Ianor. It was your face, with your stupid thick lips and flairing nostrals and was made of stone. It made me wonder if I was mentally ill when I slept with you because you're disgusting. 

P.S I was lying. Your penis is small. 


Dear Nik,
You don't smell of poo but you take up far too much room in bed. Stop taking up so much room and elbowing me in the face. You're made of beancakemeat to the tune of school dinners. I like to nip your lovehandles because it makes me laugh. And I want a halfpandameyou. 

Love you poohead.

Dear Bank,
Please don't charge us £150 for bank charges next month.

Love Emma. 


Dear Virgin Media,
I'm sorry but I won't be able to pay you tomorrow. The bank stole my money.

Love Emma. 


Dear Council Tax people,
I've tried paying you twice yesterday but Nik took my bank card to work. Please don't send the balifs round or I will cry. 

All my love, Emma.


----------



## Wild Zero (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear University Pencil Pushers,

Because you broke your end of the agreement I saw no need to uphold my end. It's cool if you want to discipline me over this because I really don't care. I'm graduating and never coming back anyway.

Peace


----------



## butch (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear George O'Malley/TR Knight,

Why do I find myself drawn to you, against my will, it seems? At first it was innocent, seeing you on the tube during my infrequent viewing of your TV show and thinking that you had a nice smile. Then, when I went through that addictive phase, when my friend told me how great your show was and how I needed to watch, all I could think about was how much I identified with your character, and then the coming out stuff? Wow, the drama made my addiction doubly hard to break, but I did it, and thought I was off your show for good.

And then you go and do something different with your hair, and now I'm hooked again. I stare at your hair, in complete lust and envy, and I cry when you talk about your dead dad, and I get mad at you when you choose Izzie over Callie. Why oh why do you do this to me, George O' Malley/TR Knight? Give me my life back, OK? Or, give me your hair, one or the other. 

And yes, I'll most likely be watching you tonight; I just can't quit you.

Love,
Butch


----------



## Jes (Nov 1, 2007)

ripley said:


> Dear Soupy,
> 
> I love you, I hope you know that. But Dims is often a mixed bag. There are so many people here, coming from so many places, looking for so many different things....
> 
> ...


I totally knew it wasn't about me!

YAY!

How awesome am I? hint: pretty effin' awesome!

Anyway, everyone here is 20 lbs. of crazy in a 10 lbs. bag. Everyone one of us should acknowledge that. It'll be so much easier to move on!


----------



## LillyBBBW (Nov 1, 2007)

ripley said:


> Dear Soupy,
> 
> I love you, I hope you know that. But Dims is often a mixed bag. There are so many people here, coming from so many places, looking for so many different things....
> 
> ...



Rip, your post is blowing my mind. There are a zillion trillion people on this site and you are ranked anywhere between number one and number two at all times. If my good friend &#1601;&#1604;&#1601;&#1604; were worried if he belongs here I could see. Not criticizing you 'cause gawd knows I know how it is, just marveling at how the mind in all of us so easily focuses on the small negatives over the overwhelming positives. A crappy byproduct of being human.

But as &#1601;&#1604;&#1601;&#1604; always says, &#1607;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1609; &#1604;&#1608; &#1605;&#1605;&#1603;&#1606; &#1576;&#1606;&#1578; &#1593;&#1585;&#1576;&#1610;&#1607; &#1604;&#1604;&#1578;&#1593;&#1575;&#1585;&#1601; &#1575;&#1606;&#1575; &#1601;&#1604;&#1601;&#1604; &#1589;&#1583;&#1610;&#1602; &#1601;&#1604;&#1601;&#1604; &#1575;&#1604;&#1593;&#1585;&#1576;&#1609;


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear Powers That Be ~

I love the women of Dims. You don't have to read every single post or know them on a face to face basis to know some of the best women in the world grace us here. 

:bow:
Nancy


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear C.U.P.E.,

Please do not go on strike... I hate the yo-yoing suspence and I definitely don't want to picket in the cold. Would you please just reach an agreement already and let me carry my life on as is! 

Sincerely,
Michelle
aka: Location 1 Picket Captin

* * * *

Dear Self,

Why must you always take on more responsibility than you can handle? Saying "no" will not make people hate you... and your headaches will probably stop too. Give yourself more "me" time. 

Please find a happy balance and stick to it!

Love,
Me


----------



## Surlysomething (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear flavour of the moment.

You annoy me.


----------



## RedVelvet (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear Wide Calf boot Makers:

Please make more of you.



thanks you


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear Bronchitis:

CAN I HAS LUNG TRANSPLANTZ?

At this point, I will grow gills and breathe water to stop the damn coughing.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Nov 1, 2007)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Bronchitis:
> 
> CAN I HAS LUNG TRANSPLANTZ?
> 
> At this point, I will grow gills and breathe water to stop the damn coughing.



Dear Admiral~

I feel your misery. This is the cocktail of stuff that is finally working for me.

1. Vicks Vaporizer Steam at night
2. Mucinex every 12 hours
3. Whining
4. Doctor percribed Albuteral Inhaler & Advair Diskus Inhaler
5. Breathe Right Nasal Strips
6. Chatting all day in Dims Chat
7. Very warm chicken noodle soup
9. More whining
10. Leftover Halloween chocolate

I'm still coughing but I feel better. Hope you do too soon. 

*Hands over some cough drops*
Nancy


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear wide calf boot makers -

When are you going to realize that there ARE women out there with wider calves?

I've never worn a sexy boot in my life, and I'm almost 30. There's something genuinely sad about that.


----------



## RedVelvet (Nov 1, 2007)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear wide calf boot makers -
> 
> When are you going to realize that there ARE women out there with wider calves?
> 
> I've never worn a sexy boot in my life, and I'm almost 30. There's something genuinely sad about that.




Not even mid calf or ankle?.....I cant live without!


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Nov 1, 2007)

Nope. Cankles get in the way.


----------



## ripley (Nov 1, 2007)

LillyBBBW said:


> Rip, your post is blowing my mind. There are a zillion trillion people on this site and you are ranked anywhere between number one and number two at all times. If my good friend &#1601;&#1604;&#1601;&#1604; were worried if he belongs here I could see. Not criticizing you 'cause gawd knows I know how it is, just marveling at how the mind in all of us so easily focuses on the small negatives over the overwhelming positives. A crappy byproduct of being human.
> 
> But as &#1601;&#1604;&#1601;&#1604; always says, &#1607;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1575;&#1609; &#1604;&#1608; &#1605;&#1605;&#1603;&#1606; &#1576;&#1606;&#1578; &#1593;&#1585;&#1576;&#1610;&#1607; &#1604;&#1604;&#1578;&#1593;&#1575;&#1585;&#1601; &#1575;&#1606;&#1575; &#1601;&#1604;&#1601;&#1604; &#1589;&#1583;&#1610;&#1602; &#1601;&#1604;&#1601;&#1604; &#1575;&#1604;&#1593;&#1585;&#1576;&#1609;



I like the rep, and I love the rep comments...I just wish I could translate that into feeling like I belong when I am not feeling it otherwise, lol.


I'm just too sensitive and a little neurotic.


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear Cigarettes:

You bastards. I leave a crack open in the door while I try to adjust to life in grad school and you take it as an invitation to blow it wide open and make yourselves at home. Eff you, sphincters.

Me

-----


----------



## ashmamma84 (Nov 1, 2007)

Dear Graduate Assistant,

You are self absorbed and selfish...what is the point of requesting something when you won't even have the decency or common sense to look over something that is imperative. You make me sick -- I don't enjoy working with you; you are difficult and your energy is horrible. After this year is up, all I can say is...good riddance!


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Nov 1, 2007)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Admiral~
> 
> I feel your misery. This is the cocktail of stuff that is finally working for me.
> 
> ...


1) Humidity makes it worse
2) Mucinex makes me cough uncontrollably
3) Whining is for my boys, daddy has to just suck it up
4) Doc giving Tussionex (vicodin = teh awesome)
5) Shoving Vapo-Rub up my nose with a q-tip...don't stab brain--it hurts
6) Internet not fun when sputum is all over screen 
7) Yes yes
8) Haven't tried the dark chocolate route yet

I have appts with a pulmonologist to get a battery of tests done this month so I can find out why it keeps recurring.


----------



## Blue_Rainbow3 (Nov 15, 2007)

Dear East Coast Family and Friends, 
I’m am so excited knowing I’ll be seeing you all in a few days. I now realize a year is too long to go without seeing my loved ones. Ahh, and real fall weather, I can’t wait. :happy:
Love, 
Me

Dear Airport/Airline Gods/Goddesses, 
Please don’t have my connecting gates be 10,000 miles apart. It’s a pain trying to get from the last gate in Terminal A to the last gate in Terminal Z in a timely manner. Oh and I hate the Atlanta airport. Please fix. 
Thanks, 
Me Again


----------



## Catkin (Nov 15, 2007)

Dear Autumn,
as a season, you're pretty crappy. Especially up here in the North...freezing winds and rain aren't really my thing, so please ease up a bit, ok?
On the other hand, you let me wander round in chunky jumpers and drink hot chocolate, so I suppose you aren't that bad.


Dear Blue_Rainbow
Thanks for reminding me about this thread  I loves it so! (So that's a thankyou to supersoup too then, for starting it!)


Dear essay that I've had ages to do, but have only started today,
You suck. Why does the deadline have to be tomorrow? Also, please finish yourself, with properly laid out references. Thanks!


----------



## RedVelvet (Nov 15, 2007)

Dear Burbank Airport: Thank you for existing and being so tiny and well run and away from the traffic on a Friday. Thanks for the cheap valet parking too...dang..you make a weekend away so easy peasy.


----------



## ashmamma84 (Nov 15, 2007)

Dear Finals and Research Papers,

Normally, you are a pain in my side, but I am pleased to let you know that I am almost finished...and things are looking better, day by day. You have served me well as a measure of my apptitude on several subjects, but now, it is time for you to gracefully bow out -- 2 down; 2 more to go.


----------



## CAMellie (Nov 15, 2007)

Dear Cinnamon Toast Crunch,

Thank you for filling my mouth with such delightful cinnamon deliciousness. I love you.

Your devoted fan,
Melanie


----------



## themadhatter (Nov 15, 2007)

Dear United States Antarctic Program,
For well over a year know I have been asking a very simple, straightforward question of you, as I am bound to do by virtue of prior commitments. I understand that you are a rather bloated bureaucracy, but really, can you not spare one paragraph or twenty minutes of phone time for a straightforward response? Good lord do NOT make me drive to D.C., because I will! It's like ramming my head into a glacier over and over. Also, when am I getting my medal?




P.S. And I agree, Cinnamon Toast Crunch is delicious.


----------



## Freedumb (Nov 15, 2007)

Dear self,

You are AWESOME. Do you remember that one time with the boat oar? That was fun, we laughed heartily. Also, the time you got really high and you came up with the cure for cancer, sheer brilliance. Young & stupid, those were the days.


----------



## bmann0413 (Nov 15, 2007)

Dear Me,

Aren't you glad to be home for the Thanksgiving holiday? 

Lloyd


----------



## Wild Zero (Nov 15, 2007)

Dear Ignorant Folk from class,

Asking a dozen people four yes or no questions is not how you conduct a research project, the sample is way too small to be of any use.

Furthermore, refusing to go into certain neighborhoods because you're afraid you'll get jumped for your camera is stupid as hell. I really hope you grow out of that attitude before graduating next semester because you're majoring in BROADCAST JOURNALISM.

Love,
The kid who's asking the professor if he can hand in an individual final project


----------



## ActionPif (Nov 15, 2007)

To an extremely special Hotpoint microwave,

Salutations. It's been far too long since we've had contact, at least directly. In any event, I hope that your existence as three-dimensional quadrilateral and an inanimate emitter of harmful radiation is going smoothly. Because that is seemingly ALL you are a case study for.

Look, I'm not going to dance around this little fairy garden which I have so carefully cultivated for you anymore. Frankly, I find your skill at heating the various foodstuffs which I entrust to your care to be deficient in almost every regard. 

The water for my Easy Mac does not heat up, the kernels of popcorn do not pop without the popcorn looking (and tasting) like cheap charcoal after midnight. I find your inability to comprehend the simplest of instructions (re: 2 minutes and 30 seconds should be that, and not 2 minutes and 33 seconds with all of the delays your programming puts in), and you seeming unawareness of the food-preparation discourse (i.e. it should take 3 minutes and 45 seconds to successfully heat one [1] serving of Kraft Easy Mac, where it usually takes a bit longer) to be reprehensible.

As if a total neglect of your duties as a convenient heater of sustenance is not enough, your clock also runs extremely quickly. Everytime I set your clock to the same time as that of my computer, you somehow manage to stampede through the delicate balance of space and time and get AHEAD of it. Your time display currently read 7:51, despite the fact that I DISTINCTLY recall setting you for the same time as the clock on my computer desktop, which reads 7:47. I'm not sure which dimension (wooo dimensions omg) you think we're in, but we're in the one where seconds are THE SAME ON A MICROWAVE AS THEY ARE ON A COMPUTER UNIT. 

I know you're probably crying by now (or not, given that you are incapable of such functions), but you know what? I don't care. You've failed me.

Altogether disdainfully,

Jimmy


PS: I guess you're ok at re-heating Chinese food. I guess.


----------



## themadhatter (Nov 15, 2007)

ActionPif said:


> To an extremely special Hotpoint microwave,
> 
> Salutations. It's been far too long since we've had contact, at least directly. In any event, I hope that your existence as three-dimensional quadrilateral and an inanimate emitter of harmful radiation is going smoothly. Because that is seemingly ALL you are a case study for.
> 
> ...



Hahahahaha. I think we have the same microwave.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 15, 2007)

Dear ActionPif,

You rock. That is all.

Sincerely,
A Dims Fan


----------



## Dravenhawk (Nov 16, 2007)

Dear ex wife Nancy;

I want to thank you for cheating on me and chatting up guys on Vanguard and Everquest over the last year. Although I had actually bought you the games so we could enjoy more time "together" it has seemed to have backfired. I want to thank you for waking me up and taking a good hard look at the fraud you have been and continue to be right to this very day. That skinny pic of you on your myspace page probabally has em all fooled. You cheated on your best friend and had sexual relations with her husband while you your self were still married to your first. Girls often call us guys out for being lying SOBs. Nancy you take the prize here. You have been fillin that poor guy Davids head with lies. Thank you most for leaving me so I could discover Melanie.


----------



## cold comfort (Nov 16, 2007)

Dear Actionpif,

Coming to these boards pretty much daily has led to a simple game of When-can-I-possibly-give-rep-to-jimmy-without-the-damn-popup-telling-me-i-havent-spread-enough-love-around-yet-and-cannot-give-proper-rep-to-the-rep-deserver-aka-actionpif.

Damn it all! :doh:

Just letting you know,
Jennifer


----------



## RedVelvet (Nov 16, 2007)

cold comfort said:


> Dear Actionpif,
> 
> Coming to these boards pretty much daily has led to a simple game of When-can-I-possibly-give-rep-to-jimmy-without-the-damn-popup-telling-me-i-havent-spread-enough-love-around-yet-and-cannot-give-proper-rep-to-the-rep-deserver-aka-actionpif.
> 
> ...




You know.....we are having the same damn problem.


----------



## CAMellie (Nov 16, 2007)

I repped him!


----------



## cold comfort (Nov 16, 2007)

CAMellie said:


> I repped him!



thanks, mel!


----------



## CAMellie (Nov 16, 2007)

cold comfort said:


> thanks, mel!



pssssst....Mellie...never Mel 

and you're welcome


----------



## cold comfort (Nov 16, 2007)

CAMellie said:


> pssssst....Mellie...never Mel
> 
> and you're welcome



motherrrrrfuhhh...

thanks mellie!


----------



## ActionPif (Nov 16, 2007)

Really Nice People said:


> ActionPif!



Gawrsh people! You're making me :blush:, though it is a :happy: :blush:. Not the kind where your grandmother calls you Pookskeekins in front of your friends, which is more of a  :blush:.

Emoticons...I wonder if you put certain ones together, whether they make a larger, more powerful emoticon, like the Constructicons form Devastator in Transformers. 

I'm going to go spam the "Other Areas" events board with experiments testing this hypothesis.

Oh, it has to be a letter...um...

From,

Curious on Cybertron


PS: Jen, I admire your use of extremely-long-hyphenated-phraseology! You know it's LEGIT hyphenated discourse when it actually shifts the page over on your web browser. And especially for me.....what a charmer are you!


----------



## Edens_heel (Nov 16, 2007)

Dear thread-in-general,

Thanks for being a very amusing read - and to quote Jes, there really is 20 lbs. of crazy in everyone's 10 lb. sack and it's very heartwarming and entertaining all at once.

Cheers,

-Andrew


----------



## Edens_heel (Nov 16, 2007)

Dear Ally,

Thank you for being the focal point of existence and for showing me that life is worth waking up to everyday as long as I have you at my side. You make everyday a joy, and I'm so lucky to have you as my wife-to-be And thanks for being amazingly fracking hot as well never thought i'd be so lucky

Dear Masters in Publishing program,

Thanks for the three months of stress and sleep deprivation... how many more terms of this crap do I have? 3? Fuhhhhck.

Dear book that i have published,

Thank you for kicking ass and taking names at the same time. Now when will you make me some damn money?

That is all

-Andrew


----------



## mossystate (Nov 16, 2007)

Dear Action, 

I have never really read any of yout posts. There is no real reason for it. I will have to see for myself why all the adulation. I hope you do not disappoint.


Skeptical, yet, open (  ),
Monique of Seattle


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Nov 16, 2007)

Dear hair:

If you did not grow so quickly, and so thickly, you would not annoy me so much. I could wait longer than 3 weeks to get it cut. However, I understand that having thick hair is preferred... Don't expect a thank you from me until I'm old and everyone around me is losing theirs, though.

Your getting cut now...
Mark


----------



## mimosa (Nov 16, 2007)

cold comfort said:


> motherrrrrfuhhh...
> 
> thanks mellie!



I guess some people like it....some don't. 


Love,

Mims


----------



## CAMellie (Nov 16, 2007)

mimosa said:


> I guess some people like it....some don't.
> 
> 
> Love,
> ...




Childhood trauma associated with being called Mel...long story...and stuff.

kthxbai


----------



## mimosa (Nov 16, 2007)

To: -------


Okay, I confess...I am very disapointed. But one thing you will NOT find in your friends is a heart and soul like mine. Always loving, respectful, kind, understanding and open. One day you will see the truth and it will be too late. 



Mimi


----------



## Tina (Nov 16, 2007)

Dear Mims,

I'm sorry you were treated the way you were to make you write that letter. Whomever it is is the one who's missing out. 

T


----------



## mimosa (Nov 16, 2007)

Tina said:


> Dear Mims,
> 
> I'm sorry you were treated the way you were to make you write that letter. Whomever it is is the one who's missing out.
> 
> T



Thanks Tina.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 16, 2007)

Dear Mossy,
Action is awesome and hysterically funny. Do not disrespect the PIF man. I won't allow it. I'll open up a purple can of whup ass on ya. I swear I will.

Dear Mimosa,
Whoever dissed you is clearly insane. I've never seen you say an unkind word to anyone. You're very sweet, supportive of others, and stunningly pretty. His loss. 

Dear Tina,
I am thinking of you, and hope for a speedy resolution to your current situation. 

Dear Vickie,
Ditto above. Please keep us informed.


----------



## themadhatter (Nov 16, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Mossy,
> Action is awesome and hysterically funny. Do not disrespect the PIF man. I won't allow it. I'll open up a purple can of whup ass on ya. I swear I will.



I second this. I rep PIF whenever it lets me. And I mean that in a totally respectful heterosexual way.


----------



## Tina (Nov 16, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Tina,
> I am thinking of you, and hope for a speedy resolution to your current situation.


Dear Traci,

You are a kind and sweet friend. Thank you. 

And Mims, you're most welcome.


----------



## mimosa (Nov 16, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Mimosa,
> Whoever dissed you is clearly insane. I've never seen you say an unkind word to anyone. You're very sweet, supportive of others, and stunningly pretty. His loss.



Con todo mi corazon.......gracias :bow: 

From the bottom of my heart.....thank you.


----------



## supersoup (Nov 17, 2007)

dearest dims,

you are home to some absolutely amazing people. people that have helped me realize my self worth, have extended their hands in friendship, and who have been responsible for some of the most memorable moments i've had yet. thanks for everything dimensions, conrad, and the wonderful friends i've made! 

with lots of love,
amanda


----------



## mossystate (Nov 17, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Mossy,
> Action is awesome and hysterically funny. Do not disrespect the PIF man. I won't allow it. I'll open up a purple can of whup ass on ya. I swear I will.



You are now on ignore.


----------



## mossystate (Nov 17, 2007)

CAMellie said:


> Childhood trauma associated with being called Mel...long story...and stuff.
> 
> kthxbai



I know that letting a few folks call me something other than Monique, now has many people doing it. I don't mind the few, because I said it was ok, but I dislike when some assume, and then think I am being unreasonable for wanting to be called my name...imagine that!...


----------



## Chimpi (Nov 17, 2007)

supersoup said:


> and who have been responsible for some of the most memorable moments i've had yet.



Dear soup, Dimensions, and the rest,

I want that.

Chimpi


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Nov 17, 2007)

Dear Mo,

I've called you Mo since day one, affectionately. Is that okay, Mo? Well, Mo, is it? Whatcha think, Mo? Do you like it, Mo? Huh, Mo?

*runs and hides*


----------



## mossystate (Nov 17, 2007)

My goodness....my ignore button sure is getting a work-out...I think I sensed someone talking smack..


----------



## k1009 (Nov 17, 2007)

Dear Tabasco Sauce,

Please come back, all is forgiven. I don't know where you're hiding but I promise to never ever replace you again with the rice wine vinegar and chilli blend that I picked up on a whim. You flavour all my favourite cuisines from Mexican to Thai and just about everything in between. You may not increase my metabolism but I'm cool with that. When you want to emerge from whichever nook and cranny you're hiding in I'm willing to talk, and eat. In the meantime my egg and bacon sanger will be seasoned with salt and pepper, nothing more. Do you see the penance I do for you?

Yours truly,
K.


----------



## out.of.habit (Nov 17, 2007)

Chimpi said:


> Dear soup, Dimensions, and the rest,
> 
> I want that.
> 
> Chimpi



Get thee to an HB Bash!  You're up!


----------



## RedVelvet (Nov 19, 2007)

mossystate said:


> I know that letting a few folks call me something other than Monique, now has many people doing it. I don't mind the few, because I said it was ok, but I dislike when some assume, and then think I am being unreasonable for wanting to be called my name...imagine that!...




I hate being called red, ever....hate..hate hate.

Now...why did I chose this name for a handle?

Brain fart, really...what I wanted was Penny Dreadful, but I forgot and was in a hurry.

Sorry....back to letter form.


----------



## Catkin (Nov 19, 2007)

Dear me,
stop procrastinating and get some work done, ok? This isn't funny anymore...2000 words and the research to go with them need to be done by friday!!
Love, the sensible, but rarely listened to, part of me xxx


Dear uni,
you are not as cool as I thought. Lots of work isn't cool. That is all.


Dear best friend,
make a decision!! Will we, won't we...? It's getting a bit old now.
Love, me xxx

ps. I want to sex you up. Like, now.


----------



## mimosa (Nov 19, 2007)

Dearest,

I was delightfully surprised by your message this morning. I couldn't stop thinking of you today. No matter what happens, just know that I feel the same way. :wubu:

Yours, 
Mimi

PS: You have the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen. :smitten:


----------



## bmann0413 (Nov 19, 2007)

Dear friends not on Dims,

I feel as though we're growing apart. Some of you hardly talk to me, some of you make me feel forgotten, and I think the rest of you think little of me, like I'm desprate for human interaction. I'm tired of having to invite myself to things. I hope you all can prove me wrong because I don't like how this feels.

Feeling neglected,
Lloyd


----------



## mimosa (Nov 19, 2007)

Dear Lloyd

(((((Friendly Hugs))))))))



Mimi:bow:


----------



## RedVelvet (Nov 19, 2007)

Dear Students I must deal with every day:


Please suck my fat one, you precious, arrogant, entitled and yet stupid little shits. People wonder why I have a digestive disorder or three. 

I don't.


----------



## Catkin (Nov 23, 2007)

Dear weather,
Please get warmer. Or snow properly. Your choice!!

Dear mittens,
I love you. You are stripy and warm, and without you my fingers would have probably fallen off after walking to and from the library last night. Hooray for you! Also, you kindof match my scarf, which is cool :wubu:


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Nov 24, 2007)

Dear mom,

It breaks my heart to watch you going through a divorce after 30 years of marriage. I truly do think it is for the best, but I know it hurts nonetheless. I know you gave it all your heart and soul even though Dad turned out to be a completely different man than who you thought you were marrying. I hope that you can come out the other side of this mess realizing that no one can make that man happy, and this is not indicative of a failure on your part.

I wish I could be there for you right now. If I had the money I would quit my job and move right now. Hang in there.

Love,
Shannon

***

Dear Dad,

I know your depression is not your fault, but that gives you no right to blame mom for your depression. Blame your brain, blame your own jerk of a dad, and take some responsibility for yourself for once in your life. You've never once been willing to really listen to any of your therapists or stay on your meds. Right now, you can't get out of my life fast enough. I'm probably going to hell, but I'd be just fine if I never spoke to you again. You're not an evil person, just toxic. I don't wish to be exposed anymore.

Thanks,
Shannon


----------



## mossystate (Nov 24, 2007)

Dear Roomie, 

Oh, I cannot wait for you to get back from your class. 

Next time you want to take a bag of ' garbage ' to the dumpster....

*LOOK IN THE GODDAMN BAG!!!*

*sigh*


The person in the room next to yours


----------



## mimosa (Nov 24, 2007)

To My Mexican Mama,

I am SO blessed to have a Mama like you. I still can not believe that you drove 40 miles to see me, treated me out to breakfast, babysat, cleaned my house, cooked some enchiladas for my supper and still went to work! Mama, how do you do it? Are you La Mujer Maravilla?( Wonderwoman) I admire you and I wish to become more like you. I love you. Thank so much! :wubu:



Love, 
La Baby De La Casa:kiss2:


----------



## goofy girl (Dec 16, 2007)

Dear God, Higher Power, Universe or whoever you really are,

I'm really mad at you.I cannot seem to find words for the anger I feel for you right now. Who do you think you are?? I was NOT ready for my Dad to die, my older brother was not ready him to die, my 5 year old brother was not ready for him to die and most importantly *HE* was not ready to die and you knew it because he said it several times. What gives you the right to pick and chose who gets to die and when?!?!? And in such a horrible way?!? My Dad could not even move his mouth enough to swallow...he couldn't talk...just lied there looking shriveled up and SAD. I don't hate you or anything but God, sometimes I think you are a real bastard. I've been dealing with this since June and still cannot let myself get over it. People keep telling me that everything happens for a reason and things heal with time and all that stuff that I already know and try to tell myself but ya know what..BULLSHIT!! Maybe I'm being selfish..I wanted him here to walk me down the aisle, and see my little brother graduate high school and call him when I had questions about fixing things around the house and just to be here when I need him. I'm mad and you are the only one I can think of to blame for it all. I try really hard to understand, or let it go, or get over it and so many other things...but right now I just want to be mad at you for taking my Dad. Our relationship hasn't been very good lately and I'm sure I'll get over it someday and be on good terms with you again, but I wanted to let you know how I feel...I think it may be the only thing I can do right now to make myself feel any better. 

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but I had to get it off my chest, and I promise I really am working on my relationship with you and I hope that someday I can forgive you for what happened, and you can forgive me for feeling the way I do right now. 

Sincerely,
Bill's daughter, Bridget


----------



## mimosa (Dec 17, 2007)

Dear, gg

It is okay to be angry. It is good to express yourself. I believe God understands that also. I am very sorry about your Dad. 

Sending you healing thoughts and prayers,

Mimi



goofy girl said:


> Dear God, Higher Power, Universe or whoever you really are,
> 
> I'm really mad at you.I cannot seem to find words for the anger I feel for you right now. Who do you think you are?? I was NOT ready for my Dad to die, my older brother was not ready him to die, my 5 year old brother was not ready for him to die and most importantly *HE* was not ready to die and you knew it because he said it several times. What gives you the right to pick and chose who gets to die and when?!?!? And in such a horrible way?!? My Dad could not even move his mouth enough to swallow...he couldn't talk...just lied there looking shriveled up and SAD. I don't hate you or anything but God, sometimes I think you are a real bastard. I've been dealing with this since June and still cannot let myself get over it. People keep telling me that everything happens for a reason and things heal with time and all that stuff that I already know and try to tell myself but ya know what..BULLSHIT!! Maybe I'm being selfish..I wanted him here to walk me down the aisle, and see my little brother graduate high school and call him when I had questions about fixing things around the house and just to be here when I need him. I'm mad and you are the only one I can think of to blame for it all. I try really hard to understand, or let it go, or get over it and so many other things...but right now I just want to be mad at you for taking my Dad. Our relationship hasn't been very good lately and I'm sure I'll get over it someday and be on good terms with you again, but I wanted to let you know how I feel...I think it may be the only thing I can do right now to make myself feel any better.
> 
> ...


----------



## k1009 (Dec 18, 2007)

Dear Sleep,

I didn't want you anyway. You suck the hairy bird.

Good Riddance,
K.


----------



## CAMellie (Dec 18, 2007)

Dear Hot Neighbor Dude,

I have a huge crush on you...and you rock in bed. Let's do it again soon, 'k?


Dear Ex-Jerk,

YOUR loss...not mine. Kiss my ass!


Dear OTHER Hot Neighbor Dude,

I'm crushing on you, too. 


Dear Apartment Complex Manager,

Thanks for renting to hot FAs. I love you. :wubu:


----------



## TraciJo67 (Dec 18, 2007)

Dear Postal Delivery Guy and barista dude who hands me my coffee in the morning, and mall security guard (not you, you crusty old thing ... the youngish one), and next door neighbor, and Catholic priest, plus anyone who has ever looked at me twice:

YOU ALL RAWK IN BED (at least, in my sick, sick fantasies). Let's do it in my fantasies again, shall we?

Signed,
One Classy Lady :smitten:


----------



## RedVelvet (Dec 18, 2007)

er............................wow. :huh:


----------



## CAMellie (Dec 18, 2007)

:huh: *cough cough cough* :huh:


----------



## RedVelvet (Dec 18, 2007)

CAMellie said:


> :huh: *cough cough cough* :huh:



This seems, given that everyone knows exactly to whom you were referring to, to be a rather private conversation?

I am sorry you were hurt..really am, and revenge is a tasty dish...but....not sure if the post above exactly...helps your cause?


----------



## mimosa (Dec 18, 2007)

To ----


I wish you could just be honest with me. I have more respect for people that tell me the truth. I honestly don't understand what you are waiting for. Or is it that you don't have the balls to just tell me?:doh: 






Mimi


----------



## CAMellie (Dec 18, 2007)

RedVelvet said:


> This seems, given that everyone knows exactly to whom you were referring to, to be a rather private conversation?
> 
> I am sorry you were hurt..really am, and revenge is a tasty dish...but....not sure if the post above exactly...helps your cause?



I have no cause. It is his loss not mine. The neighbor dudes are another matter. No revenge in mind when I wrote the post. :doh:
Although the placement of the one to him was rather bad, wasn't it? Hmmmm...whatever.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Dec 18, 2007)

mimosa said:


> To ----
> 
> 
> I wish you could just be honest with me. I have more respect for people that tell me the truth. I honestly don't understand what you are waiting for. Or is it that you don't have the balls to just tell me?:doh:
> ...



Same principle as above. Why not just PM the person in question?


----------



## CAMellie (Dec 18, 2007)

For the love of all that's holy, I thought this was a thread to get things off your chest...not a judging ground. Maybe things HAVE been said to the recipients...to no avail. Or maybe the poster just doesn't WANT to speak to them directly but wants to get something off their mind.

Ok....I'm done now.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Dec 18, 2007)

CAMellie said:


> For the love of all that's holy, I thought this was a thread to get things off your chest...not a judging ground. Maybe things HAVE been said to the recipients...to no avail. Or maybe the poster just doesn't WANT to speak to them directly but wants to get something off their mind.
> 
> Ok....I'm done now.



So plastering it on a *public message board* is going to change things?!?!?!


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Dec 18, 2007)

I'm pretty sure that's the point of this thread, TraciJo. To allow folks to get things off their chests by doing just that - plastering it on a public board. No, it doesn't change anything - but it allows people to vent. 

/just saying.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Dec 18, 2007)

OK, it's probably just me. I just ... wonder sometimes at the furtive, yet public nature of chastising someone here. Makes me wonder if there's an element of threat involved (otherwise, why not just contain the dressing-down to PM's?). I guess that's what got my panties in a bunch today.


----------



## sunnie1653 (Dec 18, 2007)

Dear Dad,

I love you dearly, and you know I'd do anything for you, but a few things need to be said.

Please stop eating every sugary sweet thing I bring into the house. You are a brittle diabetic and you know you cannot have it. Just because you have no willpower should not mean I cannot have the things I want. Don't make me have to start hiding things from you. Because I hate doing that.

And quit drinking all the fucking soda! Nothing pisses me off more to get home and want a diet pepsi and you sucked down a whole 12 pack in an 8 hour work day!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally, please please PLEASE get a job soon. If I have to support you much longer, I won't be able to pay my credit card payments, my car payment, or my electric bill.

Thank you.

Love, 
Melina


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Dec 18, 2007)

Dear engineer with no life:

I worked very hard this year to ensure time off for the holidays. Regardless of your excuse--no one loves you, closet Scrooge, already celebrated Hanukkah or Eid ul-Fitr, whatever--some of us have a life outside of work and wish to spend time with our families.

Just because you wish to be here on Christmas Eve to get that extra bit of work done before the holiday to make your shitty lack of planning smell a little less offensive, doesn't mean the rest of us who plan ahead need to suffer.

If you decide to drag my ass in here the day after Christmas, there had better be a $20 gift card for Macaroni Grill waiting for me, otherwise I shall make you suffer. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon. Whether I make you suffer for the rest of your life is still under discussion.

Enjoy the stale eggnog during your work-encrusted evening in Boringtown, USA, population: You.


----------



## Surlysomething (Dec 18, 2007)

Dear guy

I'm trying hard to get you out of my system, not an easy thing when i've fallen in love with you and mentally wrapped the idea of being with you around my head (you know, all the stuff we talked about..having a family, road trips, Christmas together etc.) and around my heart (which I gave you full access to even though it's a pretty closed off) It's getting easier mainly because you now treat me like I don't exist. Like I never happened. Like "we" never happened. 

Merry Christmas!


----------



## RedVelvet (Dec 18, 2007)

CAMellie said:


> For the love of all that's holy, I thought this was a thread to get things off your chest...not a judging ground. Maybe things HAVE been said to the recipients...to no avail. Or maybe the poster just doesn't WANT to speak to them directly but wants to get something off their mind.
> 
> Ok....I'm done now.





BigBeautifulMe said:


> I'm pretty sure that's the point of this thread, TraciJo. To allow folks to get things off their chests by doing just that - plastering it on a public board. No, it doesn't change anything - but it allows people to vent.
> 
> /just saying.





I get that..I do....I vent plenty..I guess I just mentioned it because it was about a specific person, known on these boards, and easily indentified, but NOT directly addressed.


Other than that.............vent away!


----------



## RedVelvet (Dec 18, 2007)

sunnie1653 said:


> Dear Dad,
> 
> I love you dearly, and you know I'd do anything for you, but a few things need to be said.
> 
> ...




Fuck..


Hang in there, sweetie...that must be very very hard. My life suddenly seems like cake.

xo.


----------



## mimosa (Dec 18, 2007)

TraciJo67 said:


> Same principle as above. Why not just PM the person in question?


Hi TraciJo. How are you today? Yes, just venting. My letters are NOT always about people here. I hope you are having a better day than I am.



BigBeautifulMe said:


> I'm pretty sure that's the point of this thread, TraciJo. To allow folks to get things off their chests by doing just that - plastering it on a public board. No, it doesn't change anything - but it allows people to vent.
> 
> /just saying.



Thanks, BBM. I really needed someone understanding today. I am having a hard time. Thanks again. Many hugs to you.:bow:


----------



## bmann0413 (Dec 19, 2007)

Dear Santa Claus,

I really wanted to get my loved ones some gifts this Christmas, but alas I don't have any money to do so. So do you think that you can give them gifts for me? I don't mind about getting a few presents this year; this season is supposed to be about giving anyways.

And eat more food this year and fight the people who want a thinner Santa! 

From the B-Mann himself,
Lloyd


----------



## DUBLINDA (Dec 19, 2007)

Dear Lying Bitch,

I hope that you are happy now as you have managed to hurt two hearts not just one, Part of me cannot help but wonder and hope that you have also managed to hurt your own heart here. Why should the innocent suffer while the guilty appear to remain unhurt and unaffected by their actions.

Merry Fucking Christmas Loser!!!

Much Anger,
Linda.


----------



## CAMellie (Dec 19, 2007)

Dear Potential Pineapple Upside-Down Cake,

Please come out the way you're supposed to today, 'k? I don't wanna bring a lumpy, weird-looking cake to the apartment complex Christmas party.


Yours,
Baker Melanie


----------



## mimosa (Dec 19, 2007)

Dear ----

Thank you for being honest with me and not making me wait too long. And......:wubu::kiss2::batting:




Love, Mimi:smitten:


----------



## LoveBHMS (Dec 19, 2007)

Dear Parent in Front of the Checkout Line:

I certainly agree that learning to use the self checkout/scanner thing in the supermarket is a vital life skill. I understand that you want to teach your child how to scan products, thus ensuring that s/he won't starve to death one day for lack of the ability to purchase food.

However, when there are several customers behind you, many of whom either have to be someplace or who worked a long day and just want to check out and get the heck out of the supermarket, please do not take that time to allow your little darling to scan each of your items while you speak to him in baby talk. Also, if he can't quite yet grasp how to drag something over the scanner, each time you tell him to "Try Again!" it annoys everyone else.

News Flash! The world does not grind to a halt for you.

Thanks,
L.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 19, 2007)

Dear LovesBHMS,

I agree that it was pretty darn rude of that woman.

Fairy


----------



## CAMellie (Dec 19, 2007)

Dear Thoughtless and Lazy Parents,

It would have been nice if you had come to the apartment complex Christmas party too instead of using it as your own personal daycare center. Most of the adults there were trying to have a good time and get to know each other better....NOT to babysit your kids.

Merry Christmas!


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Dec 20, 2007)

Dear Boss,

Take this job and shove it.


Oh wait, hold that letter till I win the lotto.

Dear Lotto Commisioner....Please!!!


----------



## Ample Pie (Dec 20, 2007)

Dear Lipton,

You make pretty good, everyday tea. Your tea bags are convenient, not overly "paper" flavored, and decent for the price. In short, I like you--you make really great _Sweet Tea_. Stick to it; don't be ashamed. Don't feel like, in this era of tea-experimentation, you need to put on various faces. Be proud of your humble sturdy tea bags. I say this mostly because your white tea (and, yes, I know you did it to keep up with the _other kids_) has a most disagreeable flavor. It is complex and fruity (fine, fine), with hints of rotten green beans and green peas and dirty laundry, and an aftertaste of artificial sweetener and citric acid. Also, there's just a tiny bit of decay flavor. Maybe it's just the pack I got (as a sample) or maybe you guys really need to stick to what you do best. There's no shame in it.

Love,

Rebecca


----------



## SuperMishe (Dec 20, 2007)

Dear people who use my office:
Yes, I know I have the largest office in the building and yes, I know it's often used for inservices and meetings as well but please take heed:

It's MY office - I'm not leaving because YOU want to speak "freely"!
It's MY office - I like it warm, if you're too hot - leave!
It's MY office - If I'm on the phone, which is 90% of the time, shut up!
It's MY office - take your crap with you when you leave - I'm not the maid!

I don't care if you use my bathroom, just try not to pee on the seat, would ya? And if you're just coming in to use the bathroom, you don't have to talk to me, just come in, use the facilities and leave, no questions asked!

Ok, that's all... for now...


----------



## CandySmooch (Dec 22, 2007)

Dear J
I really don't hope you find happiness. I hope you only find the same misery you kept me in for 4 yearS running with your mean spirit. You broke mine, you made me dead inside with your hurtful comments. Your right I don't care and somewhere along the way I stopped caring because of you. You say we never "conversate" thats because your idea of conversation is you talking about yourself. You lied and manipulated me from the moment we met. You are an asshole. You made me think I couldn't live without you - oh how would I ever survive? Well I'm about to find out motherfucker. I'm sure I'll be the person I was before I met you. My only regret is that you are the father of my beautiful son and I'm doing this for him. So he doesn't grow up like you. Say mean things like you. Raise his fists in anger like you. You'll be lucky if I even allow him to see you. You are pathetic, worthless piece of shit and you know it, thats why you must make everyone else close to you feel the same way. No longer fuckface, I'll be going back to who I was before I met you. A kind, loving, gentle soul, still not hardened by the hard knocks in life I've received. You can still live in your past and blame everything on your dead friends & your dead father. Hey guess what? I have a dead father too, but you probably never heard me over yourself talking. AND YOU NEVER JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!! Hours and hours of rambling, ranting, raving - how can you do it??? Your 31 years old and can't take care of yourself. What you did to me last night while I held my son is thoroughly disgusting. I can't even look at your face. You've found God.....what a joke! Did Jesus tell you to do that? "We don't need counseling, God has given me the strength for both of us if you just follow me"..........are you fucking kidding me????? Get the fuck out of here......literally........you are no longer welcome in my life, you will be lucky if I let our son get to know the piece of shit you are. How can I hate you so much, when you've given me my son that I love so much? But I do, I told you I hate you and I meant it. The torment, the mind games............"your family lies to you to spare your feelings, I'm the only one who loves you enough to tell you the truth" No asshole you are the liar, my family is positive & supportive. None of this even matters, your gone, I'm done, it sickens me to see your face. There will be no smooth talking your way out of this one or placing the blame on me with your professional manipulation. Last night you crossed the line. Have a great life living with your crusty mother. 

Sincerely,
R

P.S. Go fuck yourself oh and I think I only had 3 orgasms in the 4 years we were together. I faked all the others. Buh Bye!


----------



## Surlysomething (Dec 22, 2007)

CandySmooch said:


> P.S. Go fuck yourself oh and I think I only had 3 orgasms in the 4 years we were together. I faked all the others. Buh Bye!



Damn, girl! Way to vent!


(ps: your son is gorgeous!)

Stay strong.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Dec 26, 2007)

Dear Parent at my Gym:

I'm going to cut you some slack and just assume you're a functional illiterate. Either that or for some odd reason you don't know how old your child is.

I have to assume that because it's the only possible explanation for the fact that there are signs all over the lobby and locker room that say "*NO CHILDREN UNDER 16 ALLOWED ON GYM FLOOR.* 

I see your little precious climbing on the equipment, squealing, and generally making an annoyance of herself while people are trying to workout. And she seems to be around 4. Which is a lot younger than 16.

So, in the spirit of the New Year, I'm sending you my best wishes that you'll learn to read in 2008 and that you'll have a quick look see at Precious's birth certificate.

L.


----------



## Violet_Beauregard (Dec 26, 2007)

Dear Candy Smooch,

You go girl!! Stand up for yourself and be the best you can be for that beautiful baby. He's an absolute doll!! Follow your gut and stay strong.

Good luck to you!!

~ Violet


----------



## themadhatter (Dec 27, 2007)

Dear (and I use that very sarcastically) Northwest airlines,
YOU FUCKING SUCK!!! 

(if I had written this last night, it would have been a looooot longer, and infintely more vulgar I assure you )

Edit: On the plus side, I'll come out with at least $50 extra bucks.


----------



## mimosa (Dec 28, 2007)

Dear ----

I wish you never said those words to me. They ruined my life. Especially now . The truth is, I can't escape what I am feeling inside my heart. It's real. 
I want to blame you. You are the one that said those words to me. But it's my fault also. Now that you need to go.....I can't seem to let go of you. I want you in my life. Not just as my friend. But I know it's an impossible dream. 


Heart broken,
Mimi


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Dec 28, 2007)

Dear Mimi,

I don't believe in fault, only responsibility. You are a wonderful human being who is 100% capable of creating a life you love. When you're ready to look deeper at that ancient pain that the above-mentioned situation triggered, I am more than happy to help you take a look at that, and so are any number of people. You are unconditionally safe, and no one can harm the essence of you, your spirit, your soul.

Love,

Casey


----------



## TraciJo67 (Dec 28, 2007)

Dear Dreamy Ones,

Wouldn't it be ironic if some of these letters, pining hopelessly about some man, turned out to be, in essence, about the *same* man? I'm wondering if it's time to shake the sheets a bit, loosen some of those nasty lil bedbugs, and let fly with some names. 

Sincerely,
A Springer Fan


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Jan 2, 2008)

An open letter to TSL:

Ah, you shit face cock master. (Wow, shit face cock master) 
Listen, you donkey raping shit eater (Donkey raping shit eater) 
(Baby's voice) Donkey raping shit eater 
You'd fuck my brother. (You'd fuck my brother) 

Shut your fucking face, brother fucker. 
You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking brother fucker. 
You're an brother fucker, yes it's true. 
NOBODY fucks brothers quite like you. 

Shut your fucking face, brother fucker. 
You're the one who fucked my brother, brother fucker. 
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, just fuck my brother all day long. 
- Farting and more laughter - 

Traffic Cop: "What's going on here?" 
- More farting - 
"Ew, what garbage!" 

Well, what do you expect there Dimensions brother fucker? 
Brother fucker. Brother fucker. Brother fucker. 

Shut your fucking face, brother fucker. (Brother fucker.) 
You're a boner-biting bastard brother fucker. 
You're an brother fucker, I must say. 
Well, you fucked my brother yesterday! 
Brother fucker, that's B-R-O-T-H-E-R fuck you! 
Brother fucker ... Suck his ball say.
Well, you fucked my brother yesterday!
Brother fucker, that's B-R-O-T-H-E-R fuck you!
Brother fucker ... Suck his balls


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 2, 2008)

Dear Barb,

Well, at least if the protection fails, the wee Ren Brothers will end up in my left kidney. Thanks for the good genetics regarding stamina, looks, and good "size."

Love you,

Casey


----------



## mimosa (Jan 2, 2008)

Dear New Year,

Thank you for a brand new beginning. It is a blessing to see you again. 


Mimi:bow:


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 2, 2008)

Dear D,

I really tried being your friend, but you rejected that friendship. It really hurt when I told you I just couldn't do it anymore. Despite everything, I truly hope that things work out for you and R. I still want you to be happy.

Wishing the best for you,
Melanie


----------



## k1009 (Jan 2, 2008)

Dear Ex,

You are silly but I like you. I don't particularly understand the attraction to me, but I dig the attention. And the hotdog.

Yours in gluttony,
K.


----------



## mimosa (Jan 2, 2008)

Hey ----, 

Stop being a coward. Get some balls and tell me the f---- truth! 


Thank you,
Mimi:bow:


----------



## Surlysomething (Jan 2, 2008)

You made me feel beautiful and sexy and i'll always love you for it.


Thank you.


----------



## Surlysomething (Jan 2, 2008)

There are also many things I wished I had said and now the opportunity is gone..


The main one? The love I felt was real.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 2, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> There are also many things I wished I had said and now the opportunity is gone..
> 
> 
> The main one? The love I felt was real.



Dear Surly,

He's not worth one second of your time, consideration, or affection. I don't know who you are referring to, nor does it matter. I just know that someone who cannot or will not return your feelings (for whatever crazy reason) is ... not ... worthy. I've read elsewhere that you've met someone and that you're enjoying his company. I wish you the very best ... you deserve it. Let go of Mr. Unavailable. And trust me ... had he presented himself to you, wrapped in a festive bow, you'd have eventually wished you could return or exchange him


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 2, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Surly,
> 
> He's not worth one second of your time, consideration, or affection. I don't know who you are referring to, nor does it matter. I just know that someone who cannot or will not return your feelings (for whatever crazy reason) is ... not ... worthy. I've read elsewhere that you've met someone and that you're enjoying his company. I wish you the very best ... you deserve it. Let go of Mr. Unavailable. And trust me ... had he presented himself to you, wrapped in a festive bow, you'd have eventually wished you could return or exchange him



Dear Traci,

Pretty much spot on. Damn inability to rep.

Casey

Dear HB people,

You're awesome.

Dear native Bostonians,

Be nice. Even if you don't feel like it, be nice. If I say good morning, say it back. It doesn't mean I enjoy your company, but we're stuck in the world together until tomorrow. The holidays just ended. Will it slay you to be less dicky until I get on the plane tomorrow?

Dear mods,

I don't know how you feel about the word "dicky," but it's a damn fine word.


----------



## Surlysomething (Jan 2, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Surly,
> 
> He's not worth one second of your time, consideration, or affection. I don't know who you are referring to, nor does it matter. I just know that someone who cannot or will not return your feelings (for whatever crazy reason) is ... not ... worthy. I've read elsewhere that you've met someone and that you're enjoying his company. I wish you the very best ... you deserve it. Let go of Mr. Unavailable. And trust me ... had he presented himself to you, wrapped in a festive bow, you'd have eventually wished you could return or exchange him


 

Thanks, chickie

This is a great place to let go of my feelings. It'll take some time but i'll make it.


----------



## SuperMishe (Jan 3, 2008)

Dear Death,

You suck.


----------



## tink977 (Jan 3, 2008)

Dear T,
I'm sorry that I didn't let you sneak into my bedroom window that night. I really did want you to.....I wish you had just done it.


----------



## bmann0413 (Jan 3, 2008)

Dear girl at school I've had a crush on,

I've liked you for almost two years now. I've told you how I felt. And I've asked you out like three times. And each time you've said you're not ready to date. And yet, the next day, you have a new boyfriend.

I see your game now. Instead of being smart and actually letting me take you out once, you make up lies to go out with other dudes. I don't think I could ever forgive you for lying to me three times. I don't even think you deserve my friendship anymore.

Very disgruntled,
Lloyd


----------



## Surlysomething (Jan 3, 2008)

Dear blueberry bagel

You tasted like perfume. 


Thanks for ruining my lunch.


----------



## mossystate (Jan 3, 2008)

bmann0413 said:


> Dear girl at school I've had a crush on,
> 
> I've liked you for almost two years now. I've told you how I felt. And I've asked you out like three times. And each time you've said you're not ready to date. And yet, the next day, you have a new boyfriend.
> 
> ...



Lloyd...perhaps this girl did not know how to tell you that she was/is not interested. I know it does not feel good, and she should learn to be more assertive and also not make someone believe there is a chance, but, sometimes people want to spare others. You might do well, for future heartache sake, to read people a little better..*S* You will find someone who will say yes the first time you ask.


----------



## Butterbelly (Jan 3, 2008)

Dear Chelle,

Over the past few years, we've all watched you slowly decline. Your mental instability, inability to take responsiblity for your actions, and hateful demeanior have pushed your entire family away. I had to step away from the pain, anger, frustration, and resentment you were causing, especially towards your children. You have four beautiful children who adore you, yet you fail to see how your actions have affected them. You blame others for the things that have gone wrong in your life. You blame grandmother for spoiling you, and mom for ignoring you when you felt everyone else was in the spotlight. 

Now your stuck in a bad situation and, once again, you need help. The ironic thing about it is, you're biting the hand that feeds you. You let your house to into foreclosure because you were determined to get even with those of us who helped fix up the house, make your late payments, etc. Now, you're faced with losing custody of your three youngest children. Where are you going to turn to now? You've made it very clear that my help is not wanted, except for financial. Well guess what? I bailed you out before, I refuse to bail you out again. You're 45 years old, it's time to take control of your life, get on the right path, and stop biting the hand that feeds you. As your sister, I can only do so much, and if you refuse to take action to help yourself, then nothing I say or do will help you.

I pray that 2008 is a better year for you, but most of all I pray that 2008 is a better year for your children. They deserve the kind of mother you used to be! 

I love you big sister,
Maggie


----------



## Surlysomething (Jan 4, 2008)

Dear 2008 

I thought you were going to go easier on me.

My badly sprained ankle wants you and that fucking pothole in the parking lot to kiss my ass. 


Yours truly, In-Pain-Girl


----------



## k1009 (Jan 4, 2008)

Dear K,

Go to bed. You're bitchy because you're tired. All the freaking time.

Sincerely
K.


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Jan 4, 2008)

Dear Adulthood, 
please comply with the restraining order, you must remain at least two years behind me until I turn 30, yours faithfully

Tom


----------



## speakeasy (Jan 5, 2008)

Dear Ellen DeGeneres,
Thanks a lot for stealing my girlfriend. She's going to California to intern at your show for like five months. We seriously JUST became official a month ago, and now we have to do the long-distance thing, and my iPod won't play my favorite sad wintery song for the occasion, and I hold you personally accountable for all this. God damn it, Ellen.
Sincerely,
Steve


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 5, 2008)

Dear Woman I Babysit For-
If the doorbell rings at 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday, don't be surprised to see me when you open the door.

"Oh, you didn't get my messge?"

If I had gotten your message that your kid was sick, I wouldn't have dragged my ass out of bed at the ass crack of early on a Saturday, now would I??

And tell your friend brings her kids over too- she severely underpays me. Like, SEVERELY. I'll take the crappy pay from you only because your husband is a restaurant manager and hooks me up with free food.

**Seriously though- the woman with 2 mellow kids pays me more than the woman with 3 high maintenance kids- does that even make sense??**

Sincerely-
The Disgruntled Babysitter

P.S. I'll see you next week, bright and early at 8:30.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 5, 2008)

Dear Me,

Thank you so much for putting aside your desire for a perfectly-balanced checkbook long enough for one weekend. This time away from "real life" was so badly needed - and what can compare with friendship, food, fatties and romance? Yes, you may be living off tuna and peanut butter for the next couple of weeks, but it will have been completely worth it. 

You met friends you've wanted to meet forever, discovered someone very special :wubu:, and felt like a movie star in AnnMarie's starlet dress and that tiara. What price could you possibly ever put on that? 

Dear Dimmers at NYE,

Thanks for being you. :wubu: No, I mean it. Marry me, all of you. We'll live in Utah and make sweet, sweet love to one another all day long. <3


----------



## cold comfort (Jan 6, 2008)

dear roommate:

when you exclaimed with disgust that you now understand why i don't have a boyfriend after i hocked a huge loogie while we were making our way to the movies this afternoon, i just wanted to let you know i can hardly argue. i'd never take me home to mom either.

i am gross.

sincerely,

your roommate.

p.s. -- even though you sounded disgusted, i truly believe you were secretly impressed with the distance i made on that thing.


----------



## bmann0413 (Jan 6, 2008)

cold comfort said:


> dear roommate:
> 
> when you exclaimed with disgust that you now understand why i don't have a boyfriend after i hocked a huge loogie while we were making our way to the movies this afternoon, i just wanted to let you know i can hardly argue. i'd never take me home to mom either.
> 
> ...



Psh, I'd bring you home to my mom...


----------



## elle camino (Jan 7, 2008)

dear rules of space and time ~

it would be pretty killer if you would consider bending yourselves a TIIIINY tiny bit, just this once, so my indian food delivery comes faster. i'd really appreciate it. plus, you owe me. remember that one year when i picked your ass up at the airport the day after thanksgiving? payup time. 

thanks! ^______^

-a.


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 7, 2008)

Dear job,

Please stop sucking, or else you may find yourself with one less good worker.

Seriously you know as well as I do (and I say this with very little ego) that I'm one of the best workers in the department. I'm one of the few who can work during the day or night, who can open and close. I've busted my ass for this place when I didn't need to.

So please, please, stop being such a pain in the ass, for a little while, at least. You can start sucking again around summertime, after school's over. But until then, be a bit easier, yeah?

Sincerely, 
Kevin


----------



## supersoup (Jan 7, 2008)

dearest ashley, toozy, and icky bandy,

thanks for the chatting today and putting a smile on my face. it's been a rough couple months, and y'all are aces at making me forget all about it, and realize there are people out there that get me.

love y'all, (even though bandy says i'm icky...)
manda


----------



## Ryan (Jan 7, 2008)

Dear supersoup;

For some reason I never read this thread until the other day. It's one of the best threads I've seen on Dimensions. So, thanks.

Ryan


----------



## Chimpi (Jan 7, 2008)

Dear Ryan,

Very glad you're posting again. 
Now if we could only drag the silent Echoes in here...

Jusitn


----------



## Ryan (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear Chimpi;

Echoes was really the only Dimensions member I kept in contact with during my leave of absence from the forum. She is doing fine. I'll tell her that her presence has been requested.

Ryan


----------



## Chimpi (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear Ryan,

No need. I am often communicating with Echoes via messenger, MySpace, and telephone. But thank you for reminding her to get her ass back.

Sincerely,
An Echoes Fan Boy


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear Mickey Avalon-

You look like a 12 yr old cancer patient. Go eat something and get off the drugs.

Thanks!
-Samantha

P.S. Great first few songs tonight... until that fight broke out. You just kept on singing. I thought you looked like Satan.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear ex-BIL,

I'm less angry now. 

You're not right for my brother. You have a number of cool qualities, but M enabled your suckier ones. You seem capable of doing something useful, and M was hampering you. Go be free. Write this off as being to your benefit. 

Love (but still pretty pissed off at you),

Ex-SIL


----------



## bexy (Jan 8, 2008)

*Dear Morrissey

Im sorry if this sounds stalkerish. ok im not sorry. the day i got to sniff and hold ur shirt for a full 30 seconds was the happiest of my life. your sweat smells like popcorn and ur aftershave smells like heavens rain. you are the love and light of my life. i am counting the days, hours and minutes until i see you again.

your always, as now my heart IS full

Girl Drowning



Dear Jerry Springer

STOP. please. im begging you. just stop. no reasons, no explanations. please JUST STOP.

From
Concerned and disconcerted


Dear Cutie

I have already written our wedding vows. why? because i knew the minute i met you that i had met the other half of me. you are the other half of my mysterious cities of gold coin. you continue to melt my heart everyday, and amaze me with your love, compassion and patience. i know that i love my friends but sometimes i wish we could run off to our own little island with our cats and our music, and all our favourite foods, and just be together 24/7. you are my reason. you will never ever know how much you mean to me, even though i try to tell you everyday. you dont see past my flaws, you love them. you dont love me in spite of my fat body, but because of it. you dont accept my randomness, you embrace it.
i am the luckiest girl in the world to have you and i only wish other people in my life, namely rachel, could see that THIS is what a relationship is, and that they could get it half as right....so me and you dont always have to waste valuable cuddle time running after people in the street.

i am, and always will be
your snotface. xxxxx*


----------



## CandySmooch (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear Old Dispatcher Supervisor who's been here since Noah built the Ark,

Please stop being such an old nagging bitch hag about our personal lives. We'd truly like you if you just stopped. When I take "personal leave" from work it is my right to tell you its "personal business" when you nag me about where I'm going and what I'm doing. Its also inappropriate to ask the other dispatchers what I'm going to do because your "concerned about me since she didn't tell anyone what she was doing". Your only pissed because I don't allow you to use your passive agrressive attitude to get every last word of personal information out of me like you nag everyone else into telling you everything. Just do your job and shut the fuck up. We'll all be happier.

P.S. Please stop shitting in the dispatch bathroom. Everyone knows the unwritten rule of using the hall bathroom to drop a deuce instead of making everyone else in our un-ventilated room smell your ass & the can of lysol you think is covering it up. So don't get all mad & defensive when I get up to close the door behind you. I'm doing us all a favor by not being intimidated by you. Your a bitch.

Dear QuikTrip,

Your chicken, cheese & bacon biscuit SUCKED yesterday, but your sweet tea always has me coming back for more. 

Dear OneRepublic,

Thank you for making your first album. You are awesome, inspirational, and it dropped at the most perfect time in my life. I don't feel so alone in my feelings and that the Lord is everpresent always & forever. 

Dear Lord, Jesus, & the Holy Spirit,

I've completely fucked up my life because I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry. Sorry for dropping the F-bomb too. I love you. Here - Take this mess I've made of my life and fix it. I'm done doing my own thing and I'm ready to follow you now.

Love, ME!


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear Zit,

You and I are _not_ friends.

Pustulely yours,
Nancy


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear Dr. B-

You know what? You win. Take this job and shove it. 

Peace out-
Samantha

Now if I could only work up the courage to ACTUALLY quit. I came close to just pulling a NancyGirl and just leaving. I just don't have the balls to do it. (I totally respect your bravery, Nancy). I decided I'm handing in my 2 weeks on Friday- if I make it that long.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear Dimmers Who Used to Date but Now Don't:

When you guys use this site to play out the drama of your deceased relationship, it gets old, quickly.

It's sort of amusing at first, and i understand Dims is a convenient way to let the ex know you're dating somebody else (and mentioning it upwards of 40 times seems like overkill) or to inform the ex that s/he made a big fucking mistake in not continuing to date you.

However, maybe be a touch more discreet?

Tx.

L.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 8, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Dimmers Who Used to Date but Now Don't:
> 
> When you guys use this site to play out the drama of your deceased relationship, it gets old, quickly.
> 
> ...




Dear LoveBHMS,
But ... I enjoy the occassional gawker slowdown. Does that make me a bad person?


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 8, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear LoveBHMS,
> But ... I enjoy the occassional gawker slowdown. Does that make me a bad person?



Dear Traci,

Lord knows I love me some gawking, too. 

It gives me something to do in between praying it's raining naked ladies! 

Casey


----------



## Butterbelly (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear Holier Than Thou Boss:

Listen...I get, truly I do. I'm inferior to you. But I've gotta say...how the hell did you make it through college without learning how to use a damn computer? Oh...let me answer that. You, um, had others write your papers and do your research, while our company paid for it. Interesting! 

Oh and another thing...when the company asks for the opinions of every staff member in a survey, don't act like our opinions are crap. You're the one who authorized the damn survey to begin with. And it would be nice if you addressed the issue at hand, instead of spending $10,000 on usless training classes that "most" staff are not even welcome to. Since when did training sessions have to be conducted at a beach house two hours from work? 

And the last thing...you and I both know that when May comes and I'm gone...you're gonna be fucked royally, because there won't be anyone at the company with grant-writing experience...and your grant writing skills SUCK ASS!

Sincerely
Your Disgruntled Employee


----------



## cold comfort (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear Boss and Co-Workers,

After reading the multiple letters in here addressed from other dimmers to their bosses, I just really reeeeeally wanted to thank you guys for totally rocking my world. You have made a girl feel truly welcome the past couple of months, and while it does suck to wake up at 6am daily, I'm usually peachy keen once I get settled in that cubicle o' mine. Plus, one of you's ALWAYS has bagels. I mean c'mon?! That's just classy.

With sincere thanks,

Jennifer

P.S. -- But seriously, whoever keeps leaving the brownies out by the lobby is just cruel.

... well not really... but yeah. ANYWAYS.




and with THAT being said ...





Dear Dimmers,

Sorry to hear about the jobs. I know how much it sucks to go into a place you hate and bear it out just for the paycheck. Best of luck in finding resolution.

Jennifer


----------



## Ryan (Jan 8, 2008)

Dear guy who was buying porn at Frys this evening;

I'm glad the sci-fi DVDs are next to the porno DVDs, otherwise I would have missed out on a good laugh. Talking to yourself in weird voices while browsing the porn was funny enough. Asking an employee if your purchase could be rang up in private was the icing on the cake. I almost laughed out loud when you did that. Hindsight being 20/20, I wish I did.

The moral of the story: Don't go to a ginormous, popular store to buy things you're embarassed to be seen buying.

Ryan


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jan 9, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Zit,
> 
> You and I are _not_ friends.
> 
> ...




Dear Zit,

Not only are we not friends but we have now become sworn enemies.

Nancy


----------



## bmann0413 (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear Dims peoples,

It's been under a year I joined Dimensions. And I just wanted to say that you guys and gals are the greatest. Here I feel welcomed and at home. I hope that one day I can meet each and every one of you and give you all hugs (and handshakes for the guys, lol)!

The Best FA in Louisiana (at least I think so, lol),
Lloyd


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jan 9, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear LoveBHMS,
> But ... I enjoy the occassional gawker slowdown. Does that make me a bad person?




Dear Traci-

not at all! Everyone enjoys a good car wreck, i'm just saying 'less is more' when it comes to sharing The End of The Affair.

For instance, if somebody was broken up with, perhaps 50, instead of 100 posts about how awful the person is who dumped them.

L.


----------



## ashmamma84 (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear Sleep,

I miss you. Come back...

Exhaustingly yours,
Ash


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear Horrible Facial Rash,

I realize you exist because I am once again allergic to something. You're better than you were. However, let's be done with you. You're gross. 

Casey


----------



## Spanky (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear 40,

I have waited since 1968 for you. But I have decided I do not want you very much any more. Yes, I am a lover of all of your friends, 27, 19, 36, 8 and others, but not you. 

I know you are coming anyways, so from now on, you will be called XL. 

Got it printed on the back of my shirts as a reminder. 

Kisses,

Spanky


----------



## sweet&fat (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear Annoying Gym Guy,

I realize that you are the biggest stud in the universe, but could you please not drop your weights to the floor from hip level after you have lifted them? The ridiculous metallic crash does not in fact proclaim your bad assitude... it's just fucking loud. BTW, the polo shirts with the arms you so obviously cut off yourself? Deep six 'em. Thx.

With ears bleeding,
Your Fellow Gym Member

p.s. Could you also not lift up your shirt and stick it in your mouth when on the stationary bike? No one wants to see it, let alone imagine the amount of sweat you must be consuming orally per week.


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear John Carpenter,

When you die it will be my duty to filmmaking to remove your brain and keep it in a glass jar of preserving fluid so that your ideas and genius don't go with you.

-K

P.S. Not really, but it is still noteworthy that you kick ass that much.


----------



## fideliofeeder777 (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear Hillary,

I do not buy the "Iron My Shirt" incident at all. The whole thing stinks of Carvel. Actually it kind of stinks of Rove. If you want the presidency enough to push around the sympathies of people with political theatrics, you don't deserve the presidency. You being the first woman president is only a couple steps down from Condaliza Rice being the first woman president. You are both well oiled parts of the machine that keep this country from being what it can be. The first female president needs to be a woman who doesn't need to pay people to pay people to pull off manipulative stunts. I believe there is a woman out there who deserves it more than you, but until she makes herself known then I'm backing Obama. Understand that many of us are on to you.

FF


----------



## RedVelvet (Jan 9, 2008)

Spanky said:


> Dear 40,
> 
> I have waited since 1968 for you. But I have decided I do not want you very much any more. Yes, I am a lover of all of your friends, 27, 19, 36, 8 and others, but not you.
> 
> ...





Dood..you stole my letter....yer 6 months older than me!!

I have decided, come this June,I'm gonna be 39 for at LEAST another year.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jan 9, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> Dear Annoying Gym Guy,
> 
> I realize that you are the biggest stud in the universe, but could you please not drop your weights to the floor from hip level after you have lifted them? The ridiculous metallic crash does not in fact proclaim your bad assitude... it's just fucking loud. BTW, the polo shirts with the arms you so obviously cut off yourself? Deep six 'em. Thx.
> 
> ...



Dear Decision Making Thought Process:

Thank you so much for your excellent work during my 'choose where to workout' time.

You prevented me from joining the above facility and ever seeing somebody putting a sweaty workout shirt in his mouth.

You're so fabulous.

L.


----------



## RedVelvet (Jan 9, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Decision Making Thought Process:
> 
> Thank you so much for your excellent work during my 'choose where to workout' time.
> 
> ...



damn rep rules......damn damn damn

(wiping eyes..)


----------



## mossystate (Jan 9, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Decision Making Thought Process:
> 
> Thank you so much for your excellent work during my 'choose where to workout' time.
> 
> ...





Geez, aren't WE Princess Delicata


heh


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jan 9, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Geez, aren't WE Princess Delicata
> 
> 
> heh



Dear Sweat Eating Guy:

Apparently Monique is into it.

L.


----------



## sweet&fat (Jan 9, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Decision Making Thought Process:
> 
> Thank you so much for your excellent work during my 'choose where to workout' time.
> 
> ...



Hey there, missy. The gym is half a block away and inexpensive. Plus gagging is great for the stomach muscles.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jan 9, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> Hey there, missy. The gym is half a block away and inexpensive. Plus gagging is great for the stomach muscles.



Dear S&F:

I hear ya.

But tell Monique too.

I think there's a new friend in this for her.

Curiously,
L.


----------



## Sugar (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear Soupy, 

Thanks for this thread...I really really love it. :wubu:

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Taco Bell, 

Thanks for bringing back the Cheesy Crunchy gordita. :eat2:

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear _____, 

Shut up already. I suppose you think that no one retains the tidbits you tell others. I suppose you think no one talks to anyone else. People do compare notes FFS. Selective editing to make yourself look better only makes you look like the mean brat you are! You're not as spectacular as you think. You're as special as everyone else. Discreet, it's a word, look it up. I will never understand why people don't see you for what you are...a dead eyed meanie. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Pfunkadilly & Boobie,

You girls are my life savers. I love you both so very much. I only wish I could be a better friend. :batting:

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Boys at Work,

Just because you have a penis doesn't make you smarter. I've seen 5 year olds that can type notes better than you. It's a wonder all of y'all are married. I wouldn't have the lot of you if you came with a dowry. Jerk faces!

Love and hugs,

Sarah :bow:


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear stepdad,

You're complaining behind my back to my mother because I didn't finish towel-drying the floor after my shower on a day when I was limping around with an injured foot and unable to stand for long periods. 

You, on the other hand, don't help with the mortgage, say you're going to help with the mortgage and then back out two days before it's due because you spent the money, forcing ME to help with the mortgage when I'm trying to save for a car, and are entirely supported by your wife's Social Security, and you're a sixty year old man. 

I don't think you want to go there.

Grow the fuck up already.


----------



## Ryan (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear former "yellow dog";

Bribe me or I'm spilling my guts!

Ryan


----------



## Ryan (Jan 9, 2008)

Dear cows;

I'm going to be attending my first PBR rodeo in the near future. Please do something cool, like jump into the stands and go on a rampage. I promise to bring a camera if you do.

Ryan


----------



## Ryan (Jan 10, 2008)

Dear Hollywood;

Not every war movie that includes snipers has to have a scene where one sniper shoots another sniper; with the bullet going through the victim's scope and into his eye.

Ryan


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 10, 2008)

Dear D & A,

Telling me I have to choose between you and D. made my "choice" pretty damned easy. A real friend wouldn't demand such a thing to begin with. Got it? 

See ya around,
Me


----------



## DUBLINDA (Jan 10, 2008)

Dear MuM,

I truly do love you so much as you have always been there for me no matter what I have been up to in the past but is it really necessary to end every phone call home with the words "Be good and behave yourself"??? Im almost 36yrs old and have lived away from home since I was 19yrs old and you did a great job of raising me even though I was the original teenage nightmare and all round rebel. You saw me through all that so please stop worrying about me and take care of yourself for a change and stop letting my bitch sister take advantage of you by dumping her adorable children on your doorstep on a daily basis.

With Eternal Love
your eldest daugther
Linda.


----------



## Shala (Jan 10, 2008)

Dear Buddy,

I realize now that I was fighting a losing battle for you along. I hope you find peace and happiness in your life.

I will always miss you.

S.


----------



## Shala (Jan 10, 2008)

Ryan said:


> Dear cows;
> 
> I'm going to be attending my first PBR rodeo in the near future. Please do something cool, like jump into the stands and go on a rampage. I promise to bring a camera if you do.
> 
> Ryan



Dear Ryan,

I went to the Calgary Stampede once and not one cow acted up. What a disappointment.

If you are ever in Louisiana, try the Angola Prison Rodeo. It.is.awesome.

Shala


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 10, 2008)

Dear 8:15,

Please take your time getting here. I am not in a social mood. Even a couple drinks will unlikely fix this. Just remember: When 11 rolls around, I am out. 

~C


----------



## bexy (Jan 10, 2008)

*Dear K

You have this appt on monday. your mum fought to get it for you. you not only have to go, but you have to use it properly. you need to be HONEST. dont go in and say you are suicidal. you know you are not. you have admitted you are not. you want this fixed. tell him how you feel about yourself. he needs to know this is a self esteem issue. you are not on the right medication and thats why you feel worse.
to say you dont want to come to my house for a while has hurt me, its not my fault you always choose to kick off when you are here. its not my fault this is the only place you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. i have cleaned up your sick, your blood and your tears all over this house. i have ran down my street after you with no shoes on. and now you tell me youre staying away from it for a while? cheeky, much. at least u wont be making a mess i suppose.

do it properly on monday please. neither me or your mum can cope with this anymore, we love you but its hard.

bex xo


dear russell brand

im yours. anytime anyplace anywhere 

bexy xoxo*


----------



## Ryan (Jan 10, 2008)

Dear new career;

I like you. I really do. But I'm not thrilled about having to relocate to get you. But, on the other hand, I've spent almost my entire life in this same county in Northern California. Maybe a change of scenery would be exciting?

You'd better be worth it. If you're not, I know where you live.

Ryan


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 11, 2008)

Dear Cheetos Puffs,

I'm completely enamored with your cheesy deliciousness. Thank you for your yumminess. I belong to you forever. I love you. :wubu:


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 11, 2008)

Dear Boys That Dance Around in Their Underwear and Lip Sync to Bad Music and Wear Jeans With Velcro On The Sides of Their Pants-

Prepare yourselves. A gaggle of giggling women will be sitting front and center tonight. Just now that we're not laughing AT you... well, not really. 

Yes we are.

Shut up and take the dollar already.

-Samantha


----------



## RedVelvet (Jan 11, 2008)

Dear Time:

Would you hurry the hell up already? Gods.

Thanks,

J


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 11, 2008)

Dear best bud,

Thank you - thank you - thank you - for getting me - and loving me - YOU are one of those rare finds in life. :wubu:

Me


----------



## Ryan (Jan 11, 2008)

Dear _National Treasure: Book Of Secrets_;

I'm being dragged somewhat against my will to see you tonight. Please don't suck as badly as I think you will.

Ryan


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 11, 2008)

Ryan said:


> Dear _National Treasure: Book Of Secrets_;
> 
> I'm being dragged somewhat against my will to see you tonight. Please don't suck as badly as I think you will.
> 
> Ryan



From what I hear, it's not abysmally bad, but the average sequel.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 11, 2008)

Dear stomach,

Behave. I'm doing all the right shit: Eating healthy, exercising, drinking in moderation.

Two weeks of crapola, drama, and eating donuts, and you're perfect. One week of healthy living and I feel like death. WHAT GIVES?

Love,

Your gracious host


----------



## CrankySpice (Jan 11, 2008)

Dear me,

Why oh why are you watching "The Hot Chick" on FX right now? You could be sleeping in your marvelous bed. 

From,

me.
PS-stop laughing at the movie. It's embarrassing.


----------



## SuperMishe (Jan 12, 2008)

Dear Soupersoup
Thank you for starting this thread - it's my favorite.



Dear fellow posters,
Thank you for being so funny most of the time. You make me laugh and lately, I've really needed to laugh.



Dear Mom,
I miss you more than anyone could ever understand.
I know I said it was ok to go, but I changed my mind - but I suppose it's too late now... I love you.






_________________________


----------



## CrankySpice (Jan 12, 2008)

Dear me,

It is seriously time to do the dishes. You stirred your coffee with a butter knife this morning, for crying out loud.

Love,
me.


----------



## Ash (Jan 12, 2008)

CrankySpice said:


> Dear me,
> 
> It is seriously time to do the dishes. You stirred your coffee with a butter knife this morning, for crying out loud.
> 
> ...



Dear Cranky,

What the hell are you doing at my house? 

Love,
Ash


----------



## Violet_Beauregard (Jan 12, 2008)

Dear Ashley,

I thought she was at MY house, but then I remembered.... I gave up on real silverware. It requires washing. I just use plastic. 

Love,
Vi




Ashley said:


> Dear Cranky,
> 
> What the hell are you doing at my house?
> 
> ...


----------



## Violet_Beauregard (Jan 12, 2008)

Dear very large Christmas tree,

WHY haven't you taken yourself down yet?? I really don't have the energy or motivation to do it for you. If you would PLEASE take care of that little old thing for me, I would REALLY appreciate it. I'm sure I can manage the remaining decorations throughout the house, but YOU are freaking 9 1/2 ft tall. I don't want to deal with you.

Would ya, could ya.... pweeeeeese????


thankyouverymuch!

Love, Vi


----------



## sunnie1653 (Jan 12, 2008)

Dear __________,

You scare the crap out of me.

Melina


----------



## sunnie1653 (Jan 12, 2008)

Oh.. and Dear __________,

Everyone. And I mean.. everyone. Knows your full of it. So stop your incessant lying and be a normal human being. Please. Because you're grinding on my last fucking nerve.

Thank you for making my in-chat hours less frequent.

Melina


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 12, 2008)

Dear Dimensions friends who post to my thread about our loss or sent me messages:

I love you all. :wubu:Thank you for showing compassion and love on one of the darkest days of my life. 

Sandie


----------



## CrankySpice (Jan 12, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Dear Cranky,
> 
> What the hell are you doing at my house?
> 
> ...



Dear Ash,

Sniffing your undies. duh!

Love,
Cranky


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jan 12, 2008)

Dear Dims Board Founder - Thank you for this site.

Dear Angels - Thank you for bringing me to this board.

Dear Work mates - most of you SUCK - thank GOD for the few that keep me sane. We are not being paid to smoke 2 packs of cigs a day, waste company time talking on our personal cellphones ALL day OR disappearing from the jobsite! GET A GRIP!

Dear Old F**ks that travel on the highways with me each day -

DO THE SPEED LIMIT, MOVE INTO THE SLOWER MOVING TRAFFIC LANE OR PULL OVER!!!


Dear Little Debbie - I am so in love with your Swiss Rolls

Dear Grampa - I wish you were still here, I miss you so much!

To my bestest friend in the entire universe - Wait for me, we will be reunited soon, and I cannot wait to hold you again. I LOVE YOU!

Dear Sibling - I am SO over your drama, your hate and your venom. Find someone else to abuse, I am an outtie permanently!

Dear Ex - May you rot in hell eating dogshit with a rusty fork, you slime bag waste of human flesh. Scumb like you deserve to die a thousand painful deaths. Schmuck!

Dear Husband - Thank you for being my biggest fan, no matter what. I will always hold you in the highest regard. ALL my love to you always.

Dear Soup - thank you for this thread!!! YOU ROCK!



Wow, that was VERY freeing!


----------



## bmann0413 (Jan 12, 2008)

Dear My Heart....

Why do you feel empty? You have people who care about you. You have a loving family. You're in good health. It's like Mimi said last night, it's time to face your fears. I know you're afraid of being alone, but if you think about it, you're not alone.

So stop feeling empty. You're living a good life, buddy... 

Your owner,
Lloyd


----------



## Mathias (Jan 12, 2008)

Dear Dimensions Posters:

I Love you all so much! I'm truly blessed to come into contact with such wonderful people. When I'm feeling depressed all I have to do is come here and my spirit is lifted. Words simply cannot express my gratitude for that.

-Matt


----------



## Placebo (Jan 13, 2008)

Dear Celica,
Please do me a huge favor and FIX YOUR GODDAMN SELF (or roll off a cliff)

I'm tired of getting electrocuted every time I reconnect the battery and attempt to decipher the wiring. I'm running out of relays and fuses.

Dear manufacturer of alarm system/universal remote receiver,

WHY ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS AND DIAGRAMS PRINTED IN ENGRISH!?!?? Your company is in Arizona for crying out loud!!! :doh:


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jan 13, 2008)

Dear Placebo, 

I'm still here in the Post Your Sexiest Pics Nekkid thread waiting for the "pseudo nekkid picture" you almost promised. 

No pressure or anything....

NancyGirl74


----------



## Placebo (Jan 13, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Placebo,
> 
> I'm still here in the Post Your Sexiest Pics Nekkid thread waiting for the "pseudo nekkid picture" you almost promised.
> 
> ...



Dear Nancy,
As soon as I am done electrocuting myself every 5 minutes (and...umm...shower), I'll get right on it


----------



## Tooz (Jan 13, 2008)

Dear neck,
Stop pissing me off. It's all I can do to stop myself from going and boiling a sharp knife and stabbing you.

Dear Dr. Lane,
Why didn't YOU do what some stabbing? Maybe my neck wouldn't hurt so much right now if you did. Biaxin ain't gonna make it go away!

Love,
me
p.s. Why does like every post I make start a new page? Argh.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 13, 2008)

Placebo said:


> Dear manufacturer of alarm system/universal remote receiver,
> 
> WHY ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS AND DIAGRAMS PRINTED IN ENGRISH!?!?? Your company is in Arizona for crying out loud!!! :doh:



Dear Placebo - THANK YOU for that laugh! LOL

Sandie Z


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jan 13, 2008)

Dear Cloverfield: I know that you look really fucking cool what with the headless Statue of Liberty and Blair-Witchy film style and viral marketing, but please, PLEASE don't be the overhyped 2008 remake of Ang Lee's Hulk. If I observe during my viewing of this quasi-Lovecraftian nightmare Nick Nolte as a gamma-irradiated, superpowered villain, I will demand the head of J.J. Abrams on a pike. Please don't suck.

Dear No-Bullshit Lady: Thank you for teaching me that sometimes the best use of my fine command of the English language is to say nothing.

Dear Son The First: Thank you for deciding to sleep in an extra hour and not getting me up at 6am on a Sunday morning. I will remember this when you are 14 and sleep until noon every weekend.

Dear Climate Gods: Make up your fucking minds already. Two weeks ago it was 9 degrees, last week it was 70. This weekend it was rainy then sunny and 55 and now it's bitterly cold again with nary a snowflake in sight. Can we try to keep a Midwestern 'winter' consistent, please?

Dear Dad: You've beaten cancer FOUR GODDAMN TIMES, so I will have to beat you severely in your coffin if you end up dying of diabetes-related complications because you don't bother to watch your diet or check your blood sugar. Shape up, old man, because I'm not ready to explain death to my 5-year-old just yet.

Dear Aunt J: Despite the stress of having two family members in the hospital with suspicious cancer stuff at the same time, I'm happy you got the good news and didn't end up having to poop in a bag the rest of your life. Get well soon.


----------



## Placebo (Jan 13, 2008)

Dear Nancy, 
I'm finally done electrocuting myself (5 hours after the fact)
Check the Nekkid thread for some serious dissapointment


----------



## CleverBomb (Jan 13, 2008)

Placebo said:


> Dear manufacturer of alarm system/universal remote receiver,
> 
> WHY ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS AND DIAGRAMS PRINTED IN ENGRISH!?!?? Your company is in Arizona for crying out loud!!! :doh:





Manufacturer of alarm system/universal remote receiver said:


> We are regrettable our instruction are not understanding to you.
> We sieze greatest concern within proving read instruction for maximum happiness lifestyle.
> If you are questionable, pleasure yourself to calling guest helping telephone number <illegibly faded on the xerox copy>


I started with: "We regret that our instructions are incomprehensible to you. We take great care in proofreading instructions to ensure customer satisfaction. If you have any questions, please call our customer help line.." And then sprained my brain in the "translation" process... ouch. 
While the company is in AZ, the actual manufacturer is probably in China. It may simply not have occurred to the AZ folks to look in the box at the instructions actually provided -- if in fact they ever see the items themselves. They may just be shipped directly from a warehouse near the port of entry.
-Rusty


----------



## Placebo (Jan 13, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> I started with: "We regret that our instructions are incomprehensible to you. We take great care in proofreading instructions to ensure customer satisfaction. If you have any questions, please call our customer help line.." And then sprained my brain in the "translation" process... ouch.
> While the company is in AZ, the actual manufacturer is probably in China. It may simply not have occurred to the AZ folks to look in the box at the instructions actually provided -- if in fact they ever see the items themselves. They may just be shipped directly from a warehouse near the port of entry.
> -Rusty


I am laughing so hard I can hardly breathe

Dear CB,

You rock. 

The confusing part, is that none of the parts are at all similar, and the only things marked with "made in japan/china" are the internal circuit boards themselves... I think the individual parts are manufactured abroad, but the kit and some components are assembled/packaged stateside.


----------



## Placebo (Jan 14, 2008)

Dear encroaching snowstorm,

While you might make my drive down to the bronx tomorrow morning insanely difficult and dangerous, I thank you for the suspended alternate side parking rules and allowing me to hopefully find a parking spot within ten blocks of my apartment.

please don't kill me.


----------



## Placebo (Jan 15, 2008)

Placebo said:


> Dear encroaching snowstorm,
> 
> While you might make my drive down to the bronx tomorrow morning insanely difficult and dangerous, I thank you for the suspended alternate side parking rules and allowing me to hopefully find a parking spot within ten blocks of my apartment.
> 
> please don't kill me.


Dear "snow"storm,

You totally let me down on the parking thing yesterday...

bastard.


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 15, 2008)

Dear Sprint Tech Support girl-

Thanks for making me feel like an idiot. I think it took more time to check in than to actually diagnose my problem.

-Samantha


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 15, 2008)

Dear Libido,

Thanks for dying on me. I needed a break. Just promise to resurrect when needed, 'k?

Thanks for everything you've done for me,
Mellie


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 15, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Libido,
> 
> Thanks for dying on me. I needed a break. Just promise to resurrect when needed, 'k?
> 
> ...



I think I might actually have it. This week has been insane.

*TAKE IT BACK, PLEASE*


----------



## mossystate (Jan 15, 2008)

Dear________,

Please, make up your mind. Talking to you is sometimes like watching a tennis match, and my neck wants a break. Hard to know how sincere you might be. If you are that needy, well, just recognize it.

Thanks, 

Moi


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 15, 2008)

Dear Sudafed,

Thank you. You stopped me from going on a killing rampage.

Dear Friend,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking care of me while I'm sick. God knows I am not an easy person to deal with sometimes, and I genuinely appreciate you looking out for me.

Love,

C


----------



## bexy (Jan 15, 2008)

*Dear A

Words cant express how let down i feel by you. i am so shocked. i let my guard down cos i thought i could trust you and be myself with you. i was looking forward to august so much. and now youre too scared.
so its ok to puke all over my couch, and have me and george have to stay up all night with you. its ok for me to have to leave the club i had just paid £15 to get into so i could bring you home. but i get upset in front of you, once, just once in 2 and a half years and for genuine reason....and youre too afraid of it happening again to go on our holiday.

Youre a joke.

B*


----------



## David Bowie (Jan 15, 2008)

dear M 


thanks for the fly hoodie and siccy siccy gnar gnar clothes shoes and wallet


----------



## Ryan (Jan 15, 2008)

Dear Shala;

The PBR event is this weekend. I'm hoping for bovine-related destruction. 

The Angola Prison Rodeo sounds interesting. The other day I was watching something on TV about the most dangerous sports (it may have been on that show "MANswers", but I don't recall). Have you ever seen "cowboy poker"; where a bunch of people sit at a card table in the middle of a rodeo ring and wait for the bull to charge them and knock it all over? That was invented for prisoners in Louisiana.

Ryan



Shala said:


> Dear Ryan,
> 
> I went to the Calgary Stampede once and not one cow acted up. What a disappointment.
> 
> ...


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jan 15, 2008)

Dear Male Species,

:huh:

NancyGirl74


----------



## Ryan (Jan 16, 2008)

Dear Nancy;

What have we Evil Penis-People done now? 

Ryan



NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Male Species,
> 
> :huh:
> 
> NancyGirl74


----------



## mimosa (Jan 16, 2008)

Thank you, Nancy.:bow:


Men,



There are times when I feel....:smitten:

Then....

And lately.....:shocked::huh:




NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Male Species,
> 
> :huh:
> 
> NancyGirl74


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Jan 16, 2008)

Dear Self-

It really isn't your fault. Truly. You've been a victim of circumstance, but that's life. You've never really felt the shock of how disappointing and twisted reality can be, and now you have. Face it, mourn if you have to, shrug it off, and find a way to deal with it. A closed door leads to open windows.

There's no mistake unless there's no lesson learned.

Oh, and school sucks.  +  = Me


----------



## mossystate (Jan 16, 2008)

Dear Hershey Kisses,


You are better than Godiva, yes you are. I adore your pointy lil heads. I would tell the good people of Dimensions ( don't rightly care about the bad ones ) that I sometimes place you ( wrapped ) under a certain body part, in order to get you slightly melted, but, no, some folks would not be able to handle such truth.


Happy and chocolated,



Monique


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 16, 2008)

Dear Emotional Vampire,

The sympathy vault has been successfully drained. You have now been stabbed in the chest (that place where your heart is supposed to be) with an "I don't give a shit anymore" stake.


Mellie The Vampire Hunter


----------



## liz (di-va) (Jan 16, 2008)

Dear Person,

The Declaration of Independence guarantees the right to _pursue_ happiness. Not the right to happiness. Life is not a parable of prosperity theology. All we get is the chance to _try_.

I think you would be a lot happier--oh my god--IRONIC--if you'd face that fact. There are no givens, no automatic redresses, no gimmes. This is part of why life sucks, but part of why it's cool.

More bitchily: You weren't the only one with a shitty childhood, the only person to ever shed a tear. _Stop being so sure everyone has what you don't, what you think you want; _they don't, they're just finding ways to be happy.

HRMPH,
me

p.s. Yes, I will try to remember this too. Hmrph.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Bellybutton,

I'd like to install a self-cleaning mechanism, with a pop-up timer. Thanks! Please submit an estimate in a timely fashion.

qtippily,
me

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear ________,

Come out, come out, lil doe-eyed fawn. Here is my salt lick.

Chantal

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Self,

Are you gunning for a spot on cable hit show Crazy Shitty Homemakers? Do your freakin dishes.

Good golly.
Slacker Monitor

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear ___1__, ___2___, ___3___, ___4____

1) Decide whatcher gonna do -- remember, the only sin sin can commit is to be _joyless_ (Sayers) 2) Stand up to ___ 3) What the )*&)(*^@# were you thinking...what _are_ you thinking? 4) Come visit!

Moi


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Back,

Untwang! Thanks--

Your Victim


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 16, 2008)

liz (di-va) said:


> Dear Person,
> 
> The Declaration of Independence guarantees the right to _pursue_ happiness. Not the right to happiness. Life is not a parable of prosperity theology. All we get is the chance to _try_.
> 
> ...



Dear Liz,

Hearing this is really refreshing and helps, even if it wasn't necessarily meant for me. If it was, double thanks.

Thanks,

C


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 16, 2008)

Dear Unsalted Saltines,

What is the point?:huh:

Sandie (looking for something to drink)


----------



## chubby_austrian_gal (Jan 16, 2008)

Dear my love!

You've got to get started, finally!

We spent a really wonderful time together, it was like heaven when we first kissed! But I want more! And I think I really hinted it as often as I could! And I think you like me too, don't you? I don't wanna wait any longer! You can't be that shy! I want a guy who does the first step! So do it!

Your "horny" girl


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Jan 16, 2008)

chubby_austrian_gal said:


> Dear my love!
> 
> You've got to get started, finally!
> 
> ...




Dear Horny girl:

Jump his ass, he'll get the idea:bow:


----------



## chubby_austrian_gal (Jan 16, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Dear Horny girl:
> 
> Jump his ass, he'll get the idea:bow:



Yeah, I should definitely do that, but it's not that easy!


----------



## sweet&fat (Jan 16, 2008)

Dear You,

Ouch, ouch, and triple ouch. You make me so sad. Why can't it be different? Enter wistfulness.

Me


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 16, 2008)

chubby_austrian_gal said:


> Yeah, I should definitely do that, but it's not that easy!



Dear CAG:

Yes ... it really *is* that easy.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jan 16, 2008)

Dear Potential Client:

Agree to a fucking contract already.

Then send me a big retainer check.

Also, quit asking me to lower my professional fees. It's not happening. And don't ask me to justify them either. My services cost what they do because i've spent years and years doing this and I'm good at it. 

L.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jan 17, 2008)

Dear Child 2.0 (Subunit 2 of 2): If you can go the next, oh, 20 years or so without gashing your brow open again, I'd REALLY appreciate it. Kthxbye.

Dear Urgent Care Clinic Doctor: You can kiss my ass right in the crack. Cosmetic surgery for a brow laceration? Who did you fuck to get a medical license?


----------



## southernfa (Jan 17, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Potential Client:
> 
> Agree to a fucking contract already.
> 
> ...



- and don't tell me you could do it in-house for 1/3 the price, we both know you will get 1/3 the job.
- and don't make me sit there for another 1/4 hour while you pretend to be sorry about cancelling. I've got people who will pay to talk to.
- and don't expect us to promise you a 10 second response time when your accounts payable people work on 90 days.
- and don't expect me to indemnify you for a bazillion dollars in case any of your staff who ever used our service ever did something wrong that cost you money.
- and don't ask for freebies before you have made your business worthwhile.
- and don't call after-hours. We have an after-hours rate and we will use it.
- and don't ask me why I am in this business, 'cause right now, I DON'T KNOW!

Phew! That's much better!  This is fun.


----------



## sunnie1653 (Jan 17, 2008)

Dear So-and-so,

Get the fuck OVER yourself. You're really not as wonderful as you think you are.

-Melina


----------



## Sugar (Jan 17, 2008)

Dear Mom,

I'm sure you're aware that I don't see you...surely you know I'm not around? Would it be so bad to treat all of your kids sorta the same? My life is a total mess and hanging on by threads...it sure would be nice to have it like my sisters. I would love to have a Mom that bought me groceries and took me places and treated me quite so nice. I'm sorry I can't afford to treat when we go out and that's why we had to stop going out. I suppose if I could figure out their secret maybe I could be the daughter you want and not the one you blow off. 

Sincerely, 
Rejected Angry Mall Santa

Dear Sisters,

The only reason I call you sisters is because I am required to do so. Older sister we all know you're our half sister and how you've treated the man who was so good enough to raise you is shocking. You are a sad human being. I feel pity. Second sister...grow the fuck up. You will not die if you don't have cable or hot pockets to eat. Maybe you wouldn't hate your chub if you treated your body a wee bit better. Eat a fucking green once in a while sans ranch dressing...just a suggestion. Also, it's your fault your kids are rejects. 100% your faul. If I never had to see either one of you again...I'd be pretty fucking okay with that.

Cordially,
Sister Only in Name


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 17, 2008)

Dear "Best Friend"-

I think it's odd that you don't know why I'm mad at you- I thought I was pretty clear about that on Saturday. It's not because of *what* you did or *who* you did it with, it's because I feel like someone should tell their best friend about things that are *that* important. I want to be there to help you through these things, but I can't do that if you wait 5 months to tell me. I understand that you're not a touchy-feely person who doesn't talk about their emotions much. I'm ok with that part. What I am not ok with is that you told the roommates (that you knew for what? Five minutes?) and Em before telling me. And you didn't even outright tell me. It sort of slipped out from Em after a few margaritas and it was too late for you to deny anything. If you can't talk to your supposed best friend about these kinds of things, then why are we best friends?

I feel like I've been pushed out of the loop. You and Em are roommates way out in BFE. I'm sorry if I don't hang out at your house as much as I did before you moved. You live 30-40 minutes away and gas ain't cheap. You go to the gym together. You go to dinner together all the time. Even when all of us went out in a group, you sat with her at the other end of the table so I couldn't even talk to you then.

Why is it that when you were in London, the only time you would call me was when you were drunk but you would talk to Em for like 30 minutes sober??

I'm glad tomorrow is my last day at work because this week has been the hardest thing- trying to work in the same 20 x 20 room as you without talking. 

Sincerely hurt,
Samantha


----------



## cold comfort (Jan 17, 2008)

dear chipotle,

i would like to take this moment to thank you for staying open until 10pm instead of 9pm; like every other blasted establishment in berea, ohio.

besides taco bell. but i don't want taco bell. so thanks. 

-jen

p.s. - YUM YUM YUM.


----------



## themadhatter (Jan 17, 2008)

cold comfort said:


> dear chipotle,
> 
> i would like to take this moment to thank you for staying open until 10pm instead of 9pm; like every other blasted establishment in berea, ohio.
> 
> ...



Dear Chipotle (or Qdoba, Moe's, Salsarita's, etc.)

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL YOU PLEEEASE BUILD AN ESTABLISHMENT IN ERIE! THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS TOWN! Oh, my kingdom for a burrito...

Travis


Dear Jen,

STOP MAKING ME JEALOUS OF YOUR DELICIOUS FOOD! (whether intentionally or not) 

TravIS


----------



## cold comfort (Jan 17, 2008)

themadhatter said:


> Dear Jen,
> 
> STOP MAKING ME JEALOUS OF YOUR DELICIOUS FOOD! (whether intentionally or not)
> 
> TravIS



Dear Trav:

This week in review:

Soft Taco Bake
Homemade Antipasta Salad
Hummus & Pita Bread
Chipotullzzzzzzz.

DELICIOUS. :eat2: 

oh yeah, i also had DELICIOUS sushi two lunches in a row now. 

love, jen.


----------



## themadhatter (Jan 17, 2008)

cold comfort said:


> Dear Trav:
> 
> This week in review:
> 
> ...



Dear Girl-who-I-wish-had-a-nickname-that-annoyed-her,

My week in review:
....suckage.

Ummm....can I come over for dinner?

That guy.


----------



## Chimpi (Jan 19, 2008)

Dear *Blank*,

While things have been sketchy lately, I can't help but notice how confusing it must be. Same statements, worded differently, and then different meanings implied can drive a mind wandering insanely. The lack of detail bothers me to no end, but I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you. All those *Blank* moments have been incredible. Plenty of times I am at a loss for how to tell you. Other times I am overwhelmed with the need, but the feeling of insignificance. Either times bother me. *Blank* is needed. Explanations must follow, but the process is difficult.
When in time of need, analytical minds can help. But for fear of improvement, analyzing thoughts clutter the mind and blur the vision. Do you understand?
Can you understand? Does it even really matter?

*Blank*,
Justin


----------



## sunnie1653 (Jan 19, 2008)

Dear Chimpi,

Let it out. They can and will understand. And it matters greatly, because it matters to you.

Hugs,
Melina


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jan 19, 2008)

Dear Cover Girl - Can you please make a product that erases itself after 2am so that I don't have to try to stumble into the bathroom and attempt to take off the make up I applied when I was sober/straight? Thank you!

Me


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jan 19, 2008)

hm, thanks for not even giving me a happy birthday. very thoughtful of you. 

- whatev.


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 19, 2008)

Dear _Metroid Prime 3_,

Thank you. THANK YOU.

You were AWESOME. One of the best games that I've played in a while, and certainly one of the most immersive ever.

I'll be visiting you again in the near future.

-BJ


----------



## mszwebs (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear ______,

Remember how I said that I got over the fact that you lied for so long? I didn't. And its with me every day. I can only hope that you randomly think of me and hurt as much as i do.

Dear______, 

You have to be stupid if you thought you could hide your blog online with a name like yours. You are probably the ONLY person in America to have that name...and while wonderfully written, reading about your girlfriend of 7 years 1 week after you started persuing me, F-ing sucked you asshole.

PS. your man-purse is ridiculous and all the pics you have posted of you and the 7 year itch look like her head is too big for her body.


Dear ________,

You are the third one this year to have hidden the same important fact from me. Please explain to me why I'm still talking to you? Also, please explain why I think that you're actually going to move back home soon and not just stay there and continue to play me?

And finally...

Dear Brett Favre,

You rock. I've loved you since you were a Falcon and I was 16 years old, looking at your picture in a magazine. Rock out with your cock out tonight!


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear BothGunsBlazing-

Happy belated birthday!

-Samantha


----------



## CleverBomb (Jan 20, 2008)

The Internet (no, not the people on it, the internet itself);

Ok, wtf happened?

You aren't supposed to lose connectivity through multiple pathways (cable broadband and cellphone, on multiple devices of different operating systems) at the same time. Had me worried there. 

Thanks for coming back up.

-Rusty


----------



## Surlysomething (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear self

Trust your instincts! You knew he was too good to be true and he proved it.


----------



## sunnie1653 (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear Liver,

I am very sorry for all the vanilla rum you had to experience this weekend. It won't happen again for a very long time.

Love, Melina




Dear Stomach,

Thank you for keeping down the cheesy gordita crunch I gave you at 4am. You helped my drunken state immensely.

Your owner,
Melina



And to whatever body part is making my head hurt-

Fuckin QUIT IT PLEASE!!! 1500mg of tylenol and you're still bitching?!


----------



## Placebo (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear roommate in defense of our other roommate who just happens to be your girlfriend and one of my best friends,

GET OVER YOURSELF

Since the both of us stopped smokin' the herbal goodies we haven't said much to the commings and goings of your dealer friend and his goons smoking up our living room every single day for hours on end, and for the most part, we could really care less as long as the VENT FAN is running on HIGH. But no, your asshole friend has to proclaim he wants to hot box the place because he can't do it in his dorm room (like it's some special occasion every day) and you relent when J and I aren't in your presence. So don't snap at her and threaten her when she's pissed that all of her good DRYCLEANED clothes for work wreak of stale marijuana smoke. I like you dude, I really do, we go back a couple years, but I've known her a hell of a lot longer and if you get in her face like that and push her again, believe me when I say you won't just be dealing with a girl half your size, you'll be dealing with all 6'1'' of me. 
I sincerely hope I made that crystal clear to you last night.


----------



## goofy girl (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear Self,
You cannot fix every problem in the world so just stop trying, you'll just drive yourself crazy. You already know this, so why do you keep trying to make everything for everyone better?? Enough already!

Love,
Me

Dear Big Brother,
I Love you, man, but you drive me crazy and you're as selfish as they get. I have been paying the cell phone bill for two years, and you haven't even made one payment, even after me begging you for help and your many promises to do so. You brag about how many hours you work and how much money you make..where the hell is it all?? I'm trying to be a good person and be civil and polite when I ask you to pay half the phone bill, but if you don't actually make a payment soon I'm going to have to have your line terminated.

Also, when I call you I generally have a reason for calling and don't want to hear you talk about how great you are for an hour and a half before I ask my three second question. 

Seriously dude, just grow up.

Love,
Sis

Dear Fluffy Kitty,
I don't care if people think I'm crazy for being an obsessed cat lady. You make me really happy. 
Love,
Mama 

Dear Money,
I really like you. If you and your friends wanted to come stay with me for a while, I'd be happy to keep you in my bank or pocket or wallet..where ever you'd feel most comfortable. I promise you won't have to stay with me long. Just until April, or whenever the wedding will be paid for. Thanks!

Love, Bridget


----------



## altered states (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear Sales and Marketing,

It'll all be fine if you just admit 1) That all these theories you have of what sells are, to be generous, hunches, guesses, and voodoo, or direct ripoffs from your competitors' theories, and have no basis in any kind of research, scientific or otherwise; 2) You are pounding the world into a soft putty of beige mediocrity because you're scared shitless of doing anything even remotely outside the box - scratch that - at any place even one degree from the exact geographical center of the box... until the box moves, at which point you'll insist in a Stalinesque flourish that the box was always positioned that way; 3) That you enjoy sabotaging the brilliant ideas I slave over by telling everyone how much you love them but that "middle america" - wherever the fuck that is - won't "get it"; and 4) That, really, a good - good - salesperson/marketer's job is to sell what's given them, and that one of the things that's wrong with American society these days is that fear, complacency, and greed has allowed the tail to wag the dog once too often.

love, 
TH


----------



## mimosa (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear ______



Thank you for breaking my heart. I really mean it! I finally realized we weren't meant to be. I am on the road to getting everything I always dreamed of. So I let you go and I wish you all the happiness in the world. May you always be blessed. 




Mimi:bow:


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear Kerry,

I wish you were still here with me. I've felt so lost and alone since you were taken away. The pain is slowly getting easier to deal with...but it never goes away. I miss you SO much, baby.

Happy birthday!

Forever yours,

Melanie


----------



## sunnie1653 (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear Mellie,

*hugs*

Love,
Melina


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear Melina,

Thank you.
*hug*

Love,
Mellie


----------



## Surlysomething (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear drama queen


:doh:

enough


Thanks


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear CAMellie,

I don't want the angels grabbing my nipples. Is there some kind of satanic nipple guard I can get to prevent this?

Thanks in advance,
-RW


----------



## themadhatter (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear anyone-with-nothing-to-lose-or-a-desire-to-be-a-national-hero,

This is a call to arms! YOU MUST KILL TOM BRADY! This cannot happen. For the sake of all that is good in the world, for alll that you hold dear to your heart, your family, your country, your god, Tom Brady must die! That is all. You have your instructions.

-America


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear Renaissance Woman,

I'm sorry, but I'm not aware of anything even remotely close to what you asked about. Perhaps you could consult Anton LeVey in some manner? Seance...or somesuch way :blink:

Looking at you askance,
Mellie


----------



## CandySmooch (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear Quik Trip Employee,

Thank you so much for finding the center diamond from my wedding ring I had reported lost, however you acted really guilty when I profusely & enthusiastically thanked you as if you would have kept it had the manager not noticed you picked it up while you were mopping as I had reported it to him.....hmmmm?? 

Dear Hershey's,

Thank you deeply for your Limited Edition Hugs & Kisses. I'm in love with the Christmas time special Candy Cane & tonight I just tried your New York Cheesecake Kisses......to die for! I'm glad to see your branching out from just plain chocolate. Although I missed out on the Halloween Candy Corn Kisses.....I will catch you next year!


----------



## SuperMishe (Jan 20, 2008)

themadhatter said:


> Dear anyone-with-nothing-to-lose-or-a-desire-to-be-a-national-hero,
> 
> This is a call to arms! YOU MUST KILL TOM BRADY! This cannot happen. For the sake of all that is good in the world, for alll that you hold dear to your heart, your family, your country, your god, Tom Brady must die! That is all. You have your instructions.
> 
> -America



Is there such a thing as a "Reverse Rep"??? LOL! Leave my Tom alone!!! GO PATS!!!!! Yahoo!!!


----------



## Surlysomething (Jan 20, 2008)

CandySmooch said:


> Dear Hershey's,
> 
> Thank you deeply for your Limited Edition Hugs & Kisses. I'm in love with the Christmas time special Candy Cane & tonight I just tried your *New York Cheesecake Kisses*......to die for! I'm glad to see your branching out from just plain chocolate. Although I missed out on the Halloween Candy Corn Kisses.....I will catch you next year!


 

For real? OMG. They'll probably take 5 years to get to Canada though.

-drool-


----------



## Ryan (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear PBR;

You rule!

I knew we had good seats when I bought the tickets, but I didn't know exactly how good they would be because I wasn't sure how the seat layout at Arco Arena would be for a PBR event. They turned out to be fantastic seats. Directly across from the gates where the bulls come out, about eight rows up (high enough that the railings of the ring wouldn't block our view). This was the equivalent of getting 50 yard line seats at a football game.

Some of the highlights:

1) A rider got trampled by a bull. 

2) Colby Yates scored a 91 for his first ride, which is the highest score I've seen anyone get in the PBR events I've seen.

3) I almost saw a fight between two ladies who were sitting right behind us. One was a skinny lady who was there with a guy and some kids (presumably her family). The other was some skanky looking woman in her late 30s or early 40s who dressed and acted like a skanky woman half her age.

4) After throwing his rider, a bull tried to jump into the stands right in front of where my girlfriend and I were sitting. Unfortunately he didnt make it, because I was able to quick-draw my cell phone out of my front pocket like freakin' Doc Holliday. If a bull went on a rampage, I wanted to have pictures!

Thanks for the amazing show.

Your loyal fan,

Ryan


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jan 20, 2008)

Dear Madhatter:

You do realize there could be crazy folks who take your post seriously and actually kill Tom Brady right?

Then his family would sue you claiming you insited the whole thing and it would wind up on a Law and Order "ripped from the headlines" episode.

L.

P.S. Do you actually believe, in your heart of hearts that Bill Belichick isn't smart enough to have prepared for this contingency? He's *Bill Fucking Belichick*, of course he has.


----------



## Spanky (Jan 21, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Then his family would sue you claiming you insited the whole thing and it would wind up on a Law and Order "ripped from the headlines" episode.



Dear MadHatter's Bank Account, Credit Score, and College Loans Debts,

Please inform the estate of Mr. Belichik that in this day and age, you still cannot get blood from a stone. Even if you have tape of the stone and how it gave blood before......and the hand signals used. Sue away, baby. He won't get the lawyers fees either. 

Thanks in advance, 

Spanky


----------



## themadhatter (Jan 21, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Madhatter:
> 
> You do realize there could be crazy folks who take your post seriously and actually kill Tom Brady right?



I fail to see how this is a problem.


----------



## bmann0413 (Jan 21, 2008)

Dear Dark Side...

I am a good person! I will not give in to you! Nothing will make me become a bad person... unless there are lots of hotties in the Dark Side... if that's the case, I'll soooo embrace the darkness... 

Lloyd


Dear Me,

Why haven't you made up your mind about what you want to major in? It can't be too hard. You like computers, helping people with problems, drawing, writing stories, being social... okay, maybe it is hard... well, hurry up and make up your mind, okay?!

A little impatient,
Lloyd


----------



## Spanky (Jan 21, 2008)

Dear Birkie,

I just signed up to do you. And do you I will. Please be gentle on me. With all of your ups and downs, I am not completely confident. 55 kilometers seems like a long way. What is a kilometer anyway? Isn't this damn thing in Wisconsin? When the hell did they switch to the metric system?

Please help.

Spanky


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 21, 2008)

Ryan said:


> 3) I almost saw a fight between two ladies who were sitting right behind us. One was a skinny lady who was there with a guy and some kids (presumably her family). The other was some skanky looking woman in her late 30s or early 40s who dressed and acted like a skanky woman half her age.



Dear Ryan,
I would have paid just to see this. Oh, wait - I can get it on just about any daily talk show for free. Never mind


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jan 21, 2008)

themadhatter said:


> I fail to see how this is a problem.



Dear Feds:

Please check this guy out.

L.

cc: Kraft, R
Belichick, B


Dear Matt Cassel:

Just in case, please be ready.

L.


----------



## butch (Jan 21, 2008)

themadhatter said:


> Dear anyone-with-nothing-to-lose-or-a-desire-to-be-a-national-hero,
> 
> This is a call to arms! YOU MUST KILL TOM BRADY! This cannot happen. For the sake of all that is good in the world, for alll that you hold dear to your heart, your family, your country, your god, Tom Brady must die! That is all. You have your instructions.
> 
> -America



Dear themadhatter,

Your post reminds me that the serial killer Dexter looks a little bit like Tom Brady. Makes me think T. Brady is invincible.

Sincerely,
Butch

Dear NFL Gods,

Your Super Bowl match-up is my nightmare-thanks a lot. I thought if I could survive Dan Snyder ruining the Redskins, I could survive anything, but the results of yesterday's games proves I was wrong.

Sincerely,
someone who knows all the words to "Hail to the Redskins"


----------



## themadhatter (Jan 21, 2008)

butch said:


> Dear themadhatter,
> 
> Your post reminds me that the serial killer Dexter looks a little bit like Tom Brady. Makes me think T. Brady is invincible.
> 
> ...



Dear Butch, 
If T. Brady is invincible, then Earth has no hope.

Travis


----------



## Ryan (Jan 21, 2008)

Dear TraciJo67;

I know they have fights on talk shows for free, but this is better in two ways:

1) I know they'd be fighting for real, rather than the whole thing being staged.

2) It would be happening literally two feet away from where I was sitting. That's probably closer than any seats you could get for a talk show. 

And yes; I would have shot pictures and/or video with my cell phone camera.

Ryan





TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Ryan,
> I would have paid just to see this. Oh, wait - I can get it on just about any daily talk show for free. Never mind


----------



## Ryan (Jan 21, 2008)

Dear BJ Penn;

I'd like to congratulate you for your dominating victory over Joe Stevensen to win the UFC lightweight title (155 lb weight limit) on Saturday night. And the fact that you licked your opponant's blood off your hands after the fight was fucking hardcore. :bow:

Ryan


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 21, 2008)

Ryan said:


> Dear BJ Penn;
> 
> I'd like to congratulate you for your dominating victory over Joe Stevensen to win the UFC lightweight title (155 lb weight limit) on Saturday night. And the fact that you licked your opponant's blood off your hands after the fight was fucking hardcore. :bow:
> 
> Ryan



Thanks, dude.


----------



## themadhatter (Jan 21, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Thanks, dude.



Dear Guy in the above picture

Yes, you are the most hardcore of the hardcore. Teach me to be like you?


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Jan 21, 2008)

Best picture ever....

Dear Lindy's - 

Thank you for coming out with your magazine so early this year. I know one doesn't need that much time to prepare, but some of us have been dying for the new season to come. I have much preparing to do, as I am stuck on who to keep for the next baseball season. Do I plan too much? Yes. But hey, it's a hobby.


----------



## Ryan (Jan 21, 2008)

Dear imposter;

Penn is from Hawaii, not New England. That's how I know you're a fake.

Ryan



Blackjack said:


> Thanks, dude.


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 21, 2008)

Ryan said:


> Dear imposter;
> 
> Penn is from Hawaii, not New England. That's how I know you're a fake.
> 
> Ryan



Curses! Foiled again!


----------



## SuperMishe (Jan 21, 2008)

themadhatter said:


> Dear Butch,
> If T. Brady is invincible, then Earth has no hope.
> 
> Travis



Ok Travis,
Can you account for your whereabouts last evening?
They just reported that Tom Brady has a walking cast on his right foot!!!
Good God Man!!!! What have you done?!!! :doh: See pic here! http://www.bostonherald.com/


----------



## themadhatter (Jan 21, 2008)

SuperMishe said:


> Ok Travis,
> Can you account for your whereabouts last evening?
> They just reported that Tom Brady has a walking cast on his right foot!!!
> Good God Man!!!! What have you done?!!! :doh: See pic here! http://www.bostonherald.com/



Dear Mishe,
Thank you. This touches me in that special place that makes me very happy


----------



## cold comfort (Jan 22, 2008)

*ahem*

Dear dumbass dude with the gold teeth who decided it was a GREAT idea to throw his car in REVERSE while in the midst of _rush-hour traffic _lined up at a dead halt waiting for the toll booths and thusly, ROLL HIS PIECE OF CRAP EXPLORER ONTO THE HOOD OF MY *BRAND. NEW. FUCKING. * *CHRYSLER: *

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELLLLLLL, MAN?!

sincerely, 

the broad who ripped you a new asshole and caused a total scene when YOU TRIED to brush off the accident and flee the scene. NICE. TRY.

p.s. - go screw yourself, dude.


----------



## Ryan (Jan 22, 2008)

Dear cold comfort;

Was the dude with the gold teeth driving a car that was a piece of shit, but had $10,000 rims?

Just curious...

Ryan


----------



## bmann0413 (Jan 22, 2008)

Damn, that sucks, Jen. Especially since it was a BRAND. NEW. CAR.

I just have one thing to say to that..... REVENGE!!!!!! Muhahahahahaaa!

Or take to court or something, I dunno...


----------



## cold comfort (Jan 22, 2008)

Ryan said:


> Dear cold comfort;
> 
> Was the dude with the gold teeth driving a car that was a piece of shit, but had $10,000 rims?
> 
> ...



dear ryan --

you know, the next time you witness an accident, you should stick around and VOUCH FOR ME. 

didn't see you there ,
jennifer


----------



## cold comfort (Jan 22, 2008)

bmann0413 said:


> Damn, that sucks, Jen. Especially since it was a BRAND. NEW. CAR.
> 
> I just have one thing to say to that..... REVENGE!!!!!! Muhahahahahaaa!
> 
> Or take to court or something, I dunno...



nah, it was cool. the cop came, settled business ... cracked a few jokes about the guy when i was in the police car filing my report ... all i have to do is call my insurance agent tomorrow and plan things out with them. it's just the hassle, and the new car and ugh! just a rough day. 

but thanks for THE. CONCERN. BMANN.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jan 22, 2008)

Ryan said:


> Dear cold comfort;
> 
> Was the dude with the gold teeth driving a car that was a piece of shit, but had $10,000 rims?
> 
> ...


Don't hate the playa, hate the game


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 22, 2008)

Dear Boss,

You were correct to send my ass home. Thanks for not guilting me over not feeling well. <3

C

Dear delicious pizza,

I apparently covered you in too many vegetables. Sorry. I tried to help by eating off some of the wonderful mushrooms and spinach I heaped you with, but you remain partially frozen.  I wish to eat you today. Bake faster. 

Bitchily,

Case

Dear body,

Please please please please please please please feel better before tonight. If you do this for me, I'll give you a nice long walk followed by an ice cream cone.

Love,

Brain


----------



## Dhaunae (Jan 22, 2008)

Dear potential new boss,

I hope you see through my failure as an interviewee and give me a chance. I know I can do an excellent job even though my nervousness completely screwed me over. 

Thank you for your consideration,
Nervous potential employee

Dear Ex husband,

You are an asshole. I hope you are happy with your "girlfriend" and illegitimate child. For someone who said you would never cheat, you are such a hypocrite. Couldn't you have at least waited to get "her" pregnant until you actually asked for a divorce. You're girlfriend isn't any better than you are for dating a married man.. But guess what... I don't need your sorry ass and I realize now since the divorce is final that I am much better off alone than with you. Perhaps now I can find someone who truly loves me and knows how to show it instead of being obsessed with their ex and being a cold, emotionless asshat. Maybe someday you'll realize what you're missing out on but I won't be around pining for you when that happens.

Truly,
your ex.


----------



## goofy girl (Jan 22, 2008)

Dear Employer/Managers of Mine,

PLEASE TAKE YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES!! I told you last week that I'd be leaving work early today as well as writing on a 8x11 sheet and hanging on the wall, as you do tend to forget things. 

There was really no need to make a call to my emergency contact. Leaving work early does not count as an emergency. An emergency is bleeding from the head, fire, shooting rampage, etc. Until I screamed at you, you probably didn't realize that my Mother-who is my emergency contact-is in the hospital due to a heart condition. THERE WAS REALLY NO NEED TO CALL HER AND ALARM HER YOU DICKWEEDS. Why didn't you call ME first?!? Yes, yes, I did get the email that you sent 5 minutes after you called my Mom who is laying in the hospital with a bad heart. But if I had some big emergency do you think I'd be checking my email, you JACKASSES??! 

Thanks for making my shitty day ten million times worse..I really needed that.

Sincerely,
Bridget


----------



## themadhatter (Jan 22, 2008)

Ryan said:


> Dear cold comfort;
> 
> Was the dude with the gold teeth driving a car that was a piece of shit, but had $10,000 rims?
> 
> ...



What's that about rims?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czhrZTrxmb8


----------



## supersoup (Jan 22, 2008)

themadhatter said:


> Dear Mishe,
> Thank you. This touches me in that special place that makes me very happy



seconded.

just sayin.


----------



## mimosa (Jan 22, 2008)

Dear Baby's Daddy


Thank you for being a wonderful Dad. Seth is very lucky to have you. Also thank you for your support when I told you about Dimensions and my pics.:bow: 
But.. sometimes you need to know when to butt out!:doh:


Mimi


Dear Ex-Boss

YOU ARE A F&@# LIAR! You never learned how to pronounce my name correctly and you have ugly 80's hair. Good luck finding someone as hard working as me.





Dear Seth

I am so proud of you. Congrats on your first day of school. I am so blessed to have you in my life.


Love always,
Mama


----------



## Ryan (Jan 22, 2008)

Dear Admiral Snackbar;

The game would go away without the playas. I'm going for the jugular. And I'm saying this as a guy with 20 inch rims on my car. But my car is nice, which makes it okay. :doh:

Ryan



Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Don't hate the playa, hate the game


----------



## activistfatgirl (Jan 22, 2008)

Dear tax gods,

While I know that legally you can take away my return before I ever see it, won't you please just send it anyways?

Taking a deep breath before runnin' the program,

Tiffany M. Taxpayer


----------



## Santaclear (Jan 22, 2008)

Tax gods? ,,


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 22, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Tax gods? ,,




Taxelias and Taxelecticon


----------



## Santaclear (Jan 22, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Taxelias and Taxelecticon



Gesundheit!


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 22, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Gesundheit!




Thank you...but those are the names of the feared tax gods :bow:


----------



## activistfatgirl (Jan 22, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Thank you...but those are the names of the feared tax gods :bow:



I appreciate having a name to pray to, thank you!


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 22, 2008)

activistfatgirl said:


> I appreciate having a name to pray to, thank you!



You're very welcome. Let me know if they happen to answer YOU, please. They ignore the crap outta me. :doh:


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jan 23, 2008)

Dear dear me,

Apparently .. you're the only one annoyed by you know, certain males who like say the same exact thing to every single woman on here in like every thread. YOU ARE SO CUTE. I WISH YOU WERE MY BASKET OF HEARTS.

:wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu:

:doh::doh::doh::doh::doh:

friggin' ridiculous.


----------



## Surlysomething (Jan 23, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear dear me,
> 
> Apparently .. you're the only one annoyed by you know, certain males who like say the same exact thing to every single woman on here in like every thread. YOU ARE SO CUTE. I WISH YOU WERE MY BASKET OF HEARTS.
> 
> ...



:bow:

Thank you for this. I'm so sick and tired of the repeat offenders. They need to either get laid or post something worthwhile. Geez.


----------



## themadhatter (Jan 23, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear dear me,
> 
> Apparently .. you're the only one annoyed by you know, certain males who like say the same exact thing to every single woman on here in like every thread. YOU ARE SO CUTE. I WISH YOU WERE MY BASKET OF HEARTS.
> 
> ...



Dear Justin (right?),

No, you are not the only one. :doh: And I further second you with a: reeeeeeeefuckingdiculous! (because I swear a lot)
Does this make us heartless asses? 
Cheers mate.


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 23, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear dear me,
> 
> Apparently .. you're the only one annoyed by you know, certain males who like say the same exact thing to every single woman on here in like every thread. YOU ARE SO CUTE. I WISH YOU WERE MY BASKET OF HEARTS.
> 
> friggin' ridiculous.





Surlysomething said:


> :bow:
> 
> Thank you for this. I'm so sick and tired of the repeat offenders. They need to either get laid or post something worthwhile. Geez.





themadhatter said:


> Dear Justin (right?),
> 
> No, you are not the only one. :doh: And I further second you with a: reeeeeeeefuckingdiculous! (because I swear a lot)
> *Does this make us heartless asses?*
> Cheers mate.



If so, then I think I have seniority over you lot.


----------



## sunnie1653 (Jan 23, 2008)

Dear Kevin,

The link in your sig is broken. Just FYI 

<3

Melina


----------



## bexy (Jan 23, 2008)

*Dear Mr Vet

PLEASE make my baby beethoven better. he is just a cat. he has only been with us a year after 7 years of neglect with his last owners and he deserves his happiness. all i want is him happy, full, and warm. please look after him.

Bex *


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 23, 2008)

sunnie1653 said:


> Dear Kevin,
> 
> The link in your sig is broken. Just FYI
> 
> ...



Thanks, Melina.



Dear YouTube: 

Way to suck balls.

Sincerely,

The guy with the broken link in his sig


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 23, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear dear me,
> 
> Apparently .. you're the only one annoyed by you know, certain males who like say the same exact thing to every single woman on here in like every thread. YOU ARE SO CUTE. I WISH YOU WERE MY BASKET OF HEARTS.
> 
> friggin' ridiculous.



Dear dear dear dear BGB,

No, you're not the only one annoyed by it.

Just imagine being the girls though and responding to, "Wow, your so hot. If u were my girl, I'd keep u in a basement shower and stuff you partially melted butter and honey until you projectile vomited! :wubu::kiss2:"

And you have to respond, "Oh, thank you, cutie.   :kiss2:"

Snarkily,

Casey


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 23, 2008)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Dear dear dear dear BGB,
> 
> No, you're not the only one annoyed by it.
> 
> ...



Uh, no. No, you definitely do not. lol.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 23, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Uh, no. No, you definitely do not. lol.



Too true. Luckily, there are lots of nice, normal boys around.


----------



## themadhatter (Jan 23, 2008)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Just imagine being the girls though and responding to, "Wow, your so hot. If u were my girl, I'd keep u in a basement shower and stuff you partially melted butter and honey until you projectile vomited! :wubu::kiss2:"



Hey, if you're into it! 

Too far?


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 23, 2008)

Casey settles for nothing less than FULLY melted butter, I'll have you know.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 23, 2008)

Dear BBMe,

Damn straight. Liquid butter and honey = ambrosia. 

Gross part? Dipping hot yeast rolls in that would rule!

Love,

The Carb Fiend


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 23, 2008)

Dear Gym,

It's raining. I feel this is a perfectly valid reason to pull a no show.

I know I need to go. I'll do it. 

But I sure as hell will not like it. I vote that I get to sleep in the sauna until closing. I'm riding on the ass-stabbing bike for twenty minutes, and then I'm sleeping in the sauna until they kick me out. 

Bitterly,

Casey


----------



## AnnMarie (Jan 23, 2008)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> **snipped**
> 
> "Wow, your so hot. If u were my girl, I'd keep u in a basement shower and stuff you partially melted butter and honey until you projectile vomited! :wubu::kiss2:"
> 
> **snipped**



*shrug*

I guess it was just the way Keith says it.... it worked on me. :wubu:


----------



## Ryan (Jan 23, 2008)

Dear AnnMarie;

You seem like an extremely nice, intelligent and witty person. I don't know who Keith is, but I think he ended up with a wonderful woman. I wish you two a very happy future together.

Ryan


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 23, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> *shrug*
> 
> I guess it was just the way Keith says it.... it worked on me. :wubu:



He said it like Herbert the Pervert, didn't he?


----------



## Ryan (Jan 23, 2008)

Dear Earth;

I've accepted a new job and I have to relocate in the near future. Please don't rain while I'm moving. It's kinda far away and crappy weather is the last thing I need to deal with.

Thanks.

Ryan


----------



## AnnMarie (Jan 23, 2008)

Ryan said:


> Dear AnnMarie;
> 
> You seem like an extremely nice, intelligent and witty person. I don't know who Keith is, but I think he ended up with a wonderful woman. I wish you two a very happy future together.
> 
> Ryan




Aww, thank you, Ryan. And I wish you amazing luck and happiness in your new job.  




Blackjack said:


> He said it like Herbert the Pervert, didn't he?



I've clearly shared too much. :blush:


----------



## Ryan (Jan 23, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> Aww, thank you, Ryan. And I wish you amazing luck and happiness in your new job.



Thanks! It's actually the new city I'm moving to that excites me the most. It's pretty close to the coast and there is lots to do. All Sacramento has is Arco Arena and an NBA team. I'm not a big fan of basketball and the PBR event I attended last weekend was the first time in recent history that I was interested in something happening at Arco . Now I'll have professional hockey and baseball nearby, not to mention the coast, good restaurants, etc. The weather should be better, too (not as hot in the summer).


----------



## elle camino (Jan 23, 2008)

dear joe jackson ~

holy shit, dude. i did NOT know things were getting this rough. i'm pretty sure if you had just issued some kind of press release saying "if you pricks don't send me a couple bucks each so i can make my car payment this month, i'll have to sell my best song to taco bell for a cheesy gordita crunch commercial.", we would have come through. 


sheesh.


----------



## Ryan (Jan 23, 2008)

Dear elle camino;

I used up any remaining initiative and willpower I had for today when looking up "spotted dick" for Jack Skellington. Who is Joe Jackson? 

Ryan



elle camino said:


> dear joe jackson ~
> 
> holy shit, dude. i did NOT know things were getting this rough. i'm pretty sure if you had just issued some kind of press release saying "if you pricks don't send me a couple bucks each so i can make my car payment this month, i'll have to sell my best song to taco bell for a cheesy gordita crunch commercial.", we would have come through.
> 
> ...


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 24, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> *shrug*
> 
> I guess it was just the way Keith says it.... it worked on me. :wubu:



HA! You know, Mr. Keith seems a trifle squeamish when it comes to projectile vomit. And keeping women in basements.

I still like him though.  

In that spirit:

Dear Gym,

I am not thrilled with your layout. You don't provide equal access. You have to go up the stairs to get access to the Ellipticals, Spinners, and other hardcore equipment. A lot of the classes are upstairs. I have no issue with stairs, but as I was talking to a woman in what is largely known as the "fat area" of the gym, where the older treadmills and recumbent bikes are, we were saying, would it not be awesome to make the bike and yoga classes more inviting to everyone? Yes, people could ask for the classes to be moved, but people don't like making a scene.  And I kind of feel like a 'tard talking about this stuff. Do I ALWAYS have to be the squeaky wheel?

~ Case


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 24, 2008)

Dear dreaded first test of the semester,

It's 11 PM. I've been studying for you since 3. For some reason, I panic the most about you than your commrades, Exams 2, 3, 4, and 5. I think you tie with Final Exam when it comes to stress levels. 
Please don't suck major balls tomorrow, ok? Ok. Thanks.

-Samantha


----------



## elle camino (Jan 24, 2008)

Ryan said:


> Dear elle camino;
> 
> I used up any remaining initiative and willpower I had for today when looking up "spotted dick" for Jack Skellington. Who is Joe Jackson?
> 
> Ryan


just to the right of elvis costello in the postpunk british new wave pantheon. 
also, inexplicably, now shilling for taco bell.


----------



## Spanky (Jan 24, 2008)

Dear Ryan,

Everybody knows who Joe Jackson is. Everybody. And what he does and how he does it. 

For you, Joe Jackson is Michael Jackson's father. Wife and child beating son of a bitch. He can have Taco Bell. 

Spankeragelichabernathy


----------



## Ryan (Jan 24, 2008)

Dear Spanky;

I thought Jermaine was the baby daddy. I guess you learn something new every day. The only Joe Jackson I could think of off the top of my head is the early 20th century baseball player of the "Black Sox" scandal fame.

Ryan



Spanky said:


> Dear Ryan,
> 
> Everybody knows who Joe Jackson is. Everybody. And what he does and how he does it.
> 
> ...


----------



## Ryan (Jan 24, 2008)

Dear UFC;

Why is it that the events you show for free on Spike TV are usually better than the pay per view events my friends and I spend a lot of money to see?

A confused fan.

Ryan


----------



## CrankySpice (Jan 24, 2008)

Dear Ryan,

Don't feel too bad. I once dated a young man who didn't know who The Ramones were. _The Ramones._ I promptly made my assisted living facility reservations after that date.

From,
Cranky


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 24, 2008)

Dear alarm-

Seriously, man, what the hell? What. The. Hell.

Running late,
Samantha


----------



## Spanky (Jan 24, 2008)

Dear Cranky,

Rhymes with Spanky. 

Just thought you'd like to know. 

SpankySpice


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 24, 2008)

Spanky said:


> Dear Cranky,
> 
> Rhymes with Spanky.
> 
> ...



Dear Spanky,

Could you BE any cuter? Are you single? I have a few (dozen) friends I'd like to introduce you to. No, really .... my FRIENDS  (no, really)


----------



## Spanky (Jan 24, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Spanky,
> 
> Could you BE any cuter? Are you single? I have a few (dozen) friends I'd like to introduce you to. No, really .... my FRIENDS  (no, really)



Single? I don't know. Let me go and ask my wife. 

She'll know for sure.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 24, 2008)

Spanky said:


> Single? I don't know. Let me go and ask my wife.
> 
> She'll know for sure.



Sigh. All the good electronic men are always taken. My very cute, very curvy coworker is going to be disappointed, Spanky 

On a positive note, though, I've got one helluva tater tot recipe that I could share with your wife, after you explain to her that I've been trying to hook you up


----------



## Spanky (Jan 24, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Sigh. All the good electronic men are always taken. My very cute, very curvy coworker is going to be disappointed, Spanky
> 
> On a positive note, though, I've got one helluva tater tot recipe that I could share with your wife, after you explain to her that I've been trying to hook you up



"Electronically" hook me up. 

And that is if you really are the pretty woman you are using on your av and profile and you have "friends". 

Tater tot hot dish? That's so punk rock! Well, Minnesota punk rock. Which is like the music they play at the outdoor ice-skating rink in Bayport.


----------



## Spanky (Jan 24, 2008)

Dear Snow:

Thanks for being free, and white and ski-able. I do love you. Do come back soon. 


Dear US Congress:

Please don't pass a snow tax. 


Dear Al Gore:

I got your global warming right here. (grabs nuts with -5F frost bitten hands causing freezin and swellin). 


Regards to All above,

Spankster


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 24, 2008)

Spanky said:


> "Electronically" hook me up.
> 
> And that is if you really are the pretty woman you are using on your av and profile and you have "friends".
> 
> Tater tot hot dish? That's so punk rock! Well, Minnesota punk rock. Which is like the music they play at the outdoor ice-skating rink in Bayport.



Dear Spunky Spankster,
I really *do* have a friend, as difficult as that is to believe , and she really is single & gorgeous (nearly, but not quite in that unattainable Redvelvet stratosphere), and I really was thinking about playing Dog ala Sims style and hooking the two of you up ...17 1/2 minutes ago, when I thought that you might be single, that is . And that is a high compliment, my friend :batting: I don't hook my dear friends up with just *any* random internet man.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jan 24, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear alarm-
> 
> Seriously, man, what the hell? What. The. Hell.
> 
> ...



I've got like 8 alarms set up on my cell phone. It's the only way I'll ever get up in the morning. Pretty effective actually.


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 24, 2008)

I have 3 on my cell phone... apparently I need more than that.  Anyone wanna buy me a new LOUD alarm clock? LOL


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 24, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> I have 3 on my cell phone... apparently I need more than that.  Anyone wanna buy me a new LOUD alarm clock? LOL


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 24, 2008)

LOL- I'll just have to ignore the scratches and everything. At least I'll wake up on time.


----------



## Spanky (Jan 25, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Spunky Spankster,
> I really *do* have a friend, as difficult as that is to believe , and she really is single & gorgeous (nearly, but not quite in that unattainable Redvelvet stratosphere), and I really was thinking about playing Dog ala Sims style and hooking the two of you up ...17 1/2 minutes ago, when I thought that you might be single, that is . And that is a high compliment, my friend :batting: I don't hook my dear friends up with just *any* random internet man.



Dear Hot Thin Married Lady:

I only would cheat with hot thin married ladies on BBW chat sites. And they have to be within a 50 mile radius. And make KILLER hot dish. 

It was you until I heard your hot dish wasn't exactly "killer".

Damn

Spanky


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 25, 2008)

Dear Kids In My Care,

You kids have come to mean the world to me. I love the wonderful conversations we've had and the fantastic kickball games that we've played. Hearing your sweet voices call out "Auntie Melanie" makes my heart melt every...single...time.
We've had our moments. Times where you've called me "Auntie Meanie" because I've had to discipline you, but you've always run up to give me a huge hug and tell me you love me and didn't really mean it right afterwards.
You start your after-school program on February 1st...and I'm hurting inside. I won't get to see you nearly as much as I would like to. Remember everything I've taught you, and please don't forget how much I love you. 

Proud to be,
Auntie Melanie


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 25, 2008)

Spanky said:


> Dear Hot Thin Married Lady:
> 
> I only would cheat with hot thin married ladies on BBW chat sites. And they have to be within a 50 mile radius. And make KILLER hot dish.
> 
> ...



Dear Sparkling Spanky,

Who has been spreading the vicious (and untrue! oh so untrue!) rumor about my tasty hot dish? I'll have you know, I've won blue ribbons for my green bean surprise casserole. OK, so I serve it in Correllware instead of a fancer Godinger with its pretentious warming stand but damn it, it TASTES THE SAME!!!


----------



## Spanky (Jan 25, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Sparkling Spanky,
> 
> Who has been spreading the vicious (and untrue! oh so untrue!) rumor about my tasty hot dish? I'll have you know, I've won blue ribbons for my green bean surprise casserole. OK, so I serve it in Correllware instead of a fancer Godinger with its pretentious warming stand but damn it, it TASTES THE SAME!!!



Dear Hot Dish Mama,

Technical hot dish talk. too much.......causing overload.....overloading......

<male brain crash>

<resetting>
<resetting>
<resetting>
<resetting>


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Jan 25, 2008)

Dear girl behind me at work with the extraordinarily large breasts, please stop looking and smiling at me you are getting my hopes up and I know you have a boyfriend, 

I had to vent that, my entire training group is made up of women, at first I was loving it but now I have nobody at work to vent guy stuff with at work, 
I have to befriend people really quickly to get anything off my chest, luckily new dude should be starting on monday, I just hope he's straight or I'm the butt of straight guy jokes for another three weeks,

working in a building of 500 people is good though, the other day I figured there was about an average of ten pieces of eye-candy per floor which is awesome considering at my last place of work, there were ten pieces of eye-candy, and nine were in relationships they wanted to leave but wouldn't, and the other moved to scotland after a few weeks, whoa, I think I should step away from the keyboard now before I reveal more and . . . -the tape ends here-
No trace of Lastminutes whereabouts was ever found, two years later he was announced officially dead after teams of followers had scoured the known world in search of their master. Several theories into his disappearence emerged in the months between, the most popular was that Lastminute was an alien life form that returned home after his 21 years on earth.


----------



## mossystate (Jan 25, 2008)

Spanky said:


> Dear Hot Thin Married Lady:
> 
> I only would cheat with hot thin married ladies on BBW chat sites. And they have to be within a 50 mile radius. And make KILLER hot dish.
> 
> ...




Pssst..her tater tots are mushy...you dodged a bullet.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 25, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Pssst..her tater tots are mushy...you dodged a bullet.



Mossystink, I will stack my mushy tater tots against your vile tuna noodle casserole any day of the week (twice on Sundays).


----------



## mossystate (Jan 25, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Mossystink, I will stack my mushy tater tots against your vile tuna noodle casserole any day of the week (twice on Sundays).



TraciJoHo, you snuck a peek at the school lunch thread..didn't ya...it is creamed tuna on biscuits..not the casserole. You are the casserole Queen. Remember when I spoke of a recipe for ' For A Crowd Casserole '..? Is your casserole....for a crowd?..huh..is it?


casserole is a weird word


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 25, 2008)

mossystate said:


> casserole is a weird word



I know, it's almost like you're using it as a euphemism for something else. 

And though it is true that my tasty casserole would please a crowd, I serve it only to those willing to pay a premium for it. And pay ... and pay ... 

Oh, and my kitchen is closed weekdays, and opened briefly on a weekend day of my choosing, every other month


----------



## ashmamma84 (Jan 25, 2008)

Dear hair/locs, 

You smell wonderful and feel great. The deep conditioner has made you soft and lovely...you are growing just the way you should. The curly cues are quite becoming on me, so thanks for that. Oh and for getting me random compliments of the streets of Chicago. 


Appreciative always,

Ash


----------



## Spanky (Jan 25, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I know, it's almost like you're using it as a euphemism for something else.
> 
> And though it is true that my tasty casserole would please a crowd, I serve it only to those willing to pay a premium for it. And pay ... and pay ...
> 
> Oh, and my kitchen is closed weekdays, and opened briefly on a weekend day of my choosing, every other month



Dear Jerry Springer,

We have a couple of live ones here and ready to pop. 

Hot Dish Wars. Next time on Jerry.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Jan 25, 2008)

Dear Ancient Belief Gremlin,

Thanks for popping up. Everytime you raise your head these days, I remember I'll be okay and how far I've come.

Worthily, lovingly, freely, compassionately, bravely,

Casey


----------



## saucywench (Jan 26, 2008)

Spanky said:


> (grabs nuts with -5F frost bitten hands causing freezin and swellin).Spankster


I thought that sort of thing caused shrinkage.

But--what do I know? I haven't seen (let alone grabbed, or any of that other fun stuff) a pair in years. YEARS. 

P.S. Maybe it's a shrink/swell combo package.

Heh. I said package. 

*Ruminates a little longer*


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 29, 2008)

Dear clinicals,

Just a heads up- I'm gonna be dragging ass tomorrow. Hope nobody was planning on having me actually work. 

-Sleepy Sammy



Dear carrots-
Thanks for being a team player. I really didn't need that bag of cookies and you helped immensely.

Sam- 1, Cookies- 0.

-Samantha

P.S. I'll just eat them tomorrow.


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 29, 2008)

Dear flu and ear infection,

I HATE YOU! You can go away now! REALLY!

Dear antibiotics and Vicodin,

Thank you thank you THANK YOU!


Dear doctor,

Thank you for the antibiotics and the Vicodin.


Dear me,

Get more sleep and fluids, you dipshit, or you'll never get any better. Jeez!


----------



## cold comfort (Jan 29, 2008)

dear work,

i'm not going to lie to you, because i don't want our relationship built around false hopes like that. the truth is, if i had the choice between going to you or turning back around and heading to bed - well, i'd choose the bed. that's all i'm saying. 

sincerely,

jennifer

p.s. - uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.


----------



## Catkin (Jan 30, 2008)

Dear head,

Ow. I get it, I do - this is what I get for drinking lots of vodka. But please, please stop hurting now! I've given you painkillers and everything!

Yours grumpily, 

Me.
____

Dear me,

don't be so insecure! He is NOT going to stop hanging out with you if he finds other friends, or a girlfriend. Honest. Now, stop being so neurotic!

Love, me xxx


----------



## bexy (Jan 30, 2008)

Catkin said:


> Dear me,
> 
> don't be so insecure! He is NOT going to stop hanging out with you if he finds other friends, or a girlfriend. Honest. Now, stop being so neurotic!
> 
> Love, me xxx


*
Dear Catkin,

Im going through this exact thing right now! Im so worried! we both need to relax dont we?!

xox*


----------



## cold comfort (Jan 30, 2008)

dear anybody that wants to hear a lame story,

tonight i ordered pizza. i was greatly looking forward to this pizza's arrival. however, i am a forgetful fool ... and it wasn't until about 45 minutes after said ordering that i realized i had not received my delicious meal, nor heard from the delicious meal's provider.

so i jumped into a panic. did i provide the correct address? did i give them the wrong number? then it dawned on me: my cell was on vibrate in the pocket of my coat in my bedroom. i was in the living room. :doh:

realizing that i probably missed my delicious pizza's arrival, i lept off of the couch and fled to my bedroom. i checked my coat's pockets: no cell phone. i dashed back to the living room, dove to my purse, and emptied the contents onto the floor, there upon finding my orange phone.

fumbling to pick it up, i grabbed the volume control and turned it up. i looked at the screen display and saw that there was no ca-- WAIT!

the phone begins to ring immediately! it's the intercom! the pizza man is here!

... it's something i like to call fattie intuition. i basically KNEW the pizza man had arrived on my own gut's feeling, and found my phone just in time to answer the intercom's call. 

that's fucking talent is what that is. 

just wanted to let you know,
jennifer 
xoxo


----------



## bmann0413 (Jan 30, 2008)

cold comfort said:


> dear anybody that wants to hear a lame story,
> 
> tonight i ordered pizza. i was greatly looking forward to this pizza's arrival. however, i am a forgetful fool ... and it wasn't until about 45 minutes after said ordering that i realized i had not received my delicious meal, nor heard from the delicious meal's provider.
> 
> ...



Now THAT'S impressive!


----------



## Britannia (Jan 31, 2008)

Dear Bryan,

Here is what I would send to you if I felt there was any hope in the world: (it's a myspace-message-corresponde between me and someone wise)

*I fall in love quickly, but I never stay in love.

With him, I have.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Fazeone Says:
Date: Jan 30, 2008 7:00 AM


"I'm acting in a way that says that I accept what he's told me and moved on, but I haven't."
Have you ever developed emotions so quickly for someone? Follow what your heart tells you to do and fuck your mind. I notice that your very analytical, but this shouldn't be about whats concrete. It's about emotions and emotions are definitley not concrete, but enigmatic and malleable. Tell him you love him, for fucks sake.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: amp
Date: Jan 30, 2008 6:55 AM


I did, via poem, and he's definitely artistic enough to have understood what it meant.

And isn't it creepy for a girl to have developed such emotions so quickly? That would very much scare him off if I were to blatantly say, "I love you."

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Fazeone Says:
Date: Jan 30, 2008 6:43 AM


You love the dude. 
Stop playing the dumb shit and tell him whats up, because putting on a facade never helped anyone in the long run.
If he said he cares about you, then he does, unless he's a straight up liar. In which case, i'm sure you wouldn't care about him as much as you do.*


Strange words here,
Britannia.


----------



## bmann0413 (Jan 31, 2008)

Britannia said:


> Dear Bryan,
> 
> Here is what I would send to you if I felt there was any hope in the world: (it's a myspace-message-corresponde between me and someone wise)
> 
> ...



Dear Brit...

AWWWWWWW! So poetic! 

Lloyd


----------



## cold comfort (Jan 31, 2008)

bmann0413 said:


> Now THAT'S impressive!



hahahahaha thanks bmann, i thought so too, myself!


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye (Jan 31, 2008)

Tell him, damn it. 




Britannia said:


> Dear Bryan,
> 
> Here is what I would send to you if I felt there was any hope in the world: (it's a myspace-message-corresponde between me and someone wise)
> 
> ...


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Feb 3, 2008)

Dearest you,

Thanks for getting the point.

Cheers,
Michelle


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 3, 2008)

Dear X-

Thank you.

Thanks for reminding me why it only took a day to get over the break up of our 3 1/2 year relationship.

-S

P.S. I hope your future includes salves, creams, and a lot of itchiness.


----------



## themadhatter (Feb 3, 2008)

Dear New York Football Giants,


THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!


-America


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 3, 2008)

themadhatter said:


> Dear New York Football Giants,
> 
> 
> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!
> ...



He does not speak for all of America...just sayin' *cough*


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Feb 3, 2008)

Dear "themadhatter"

There was a football game today? I had no idea.

I thought there was just a really good run of totally awesome commercials for about two hours.


----------



## Blackjack (Feb 3, 2008)

Dear ass in chat,

Thank you for pointing out ever-so-rudely that I have bad skin on my back. I'm well aware of it, and most of the time have little problem with it. I don't much care if "girls don't find it hot" like you say; the pic isn't really up there for anyone but myself.

It is noteworthy, however, that bad skin and all, I at least have the common goddamn courtesy to put up a picture, unlike yourself. I also have a profile, again unlike yourself.

I'm working on my bad skin. Are you working on your insulting demeanor?


-BJ


----------



## A Bolder Boulder FA (Feb 4, 2008)

Dear S - 

Thanks for the blessing, and I guess in the end I was right. If it only took you that long to get over it - it took me months - you never did love me as much as I loved you. That clears up a lot of things.

P.S. - Knowing that your partner and yourself are clean sure makes for a great feeling when you're together under the covers :wubu:.


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 4, 2008)

dear ms had him

you had him. you wasted his time, money and love on insecurities.

fix yourself because your not really healed. your in my thoughts.

im in his heart. 

truthfully,

me.


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 4, 2008)

dear me

stop apologizing for things that you dont have to.

your butt looks good in a thong.

and kudos for staying above the water when drama occurs like a flood.

your amazing for trusting so blindly, and beautiful for being yourself.

* i like this post....*


love, hearts and stars...
me:wubu:


----------



## TeddyIsMyHero (Feb 4, 2008)

Dear Tom Brady,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

PS: Tell Bill he looks like a total douchebag, and showed so much class when he left the field before the end of the game.

With feeling,

TIMH


----------



## A Bolder Boulder FA (Feb 4, 2008)

Dear Patriots,

Thank you for vindicating everything I always wanted for all Boston sports teams this season and making it so the rest of the world doesn't have to listen to Massholes for the rest of their lives.


----------



## Britannia (Feb 4, 2008)

Dear Bryan (again),

I realized that even though I had major feelings for you, it's time to move on, because you're in no place to have a relationship with me. I don't really care anymore about the "why", because now I'm feeling the same way. I'm just at a point in my life where having a relationship wouldn't be a good idea at all, and I think I understand where you were coming from.

Peace be with you,
Britannia.


----------



## elle camino (Feb 4, 2008)

oh MAN, never has this thread been more appropriate.
backstory: this is a (really really belated) PM from a person in response to a post i made on these boards a long time ago. i guarantee it is nobody anybody here knows, so no sense in speculating. i received it, gaped at my screen for about ten minutes in disgust and bewilderment, then i wrote a response. 
when i tried to SEND it, i found out this person has opted to not receive PMs. classy, right? so i figure i'll be classy right back. 
anyways, i need to get this shit out. it's honestly the most revolting thing i've read in quite a while. 


Nameless Crazy Person said:


> Yes, I wish I was fucking gay. Half the time I wish I was fucking castrated. This wasn't clear?
> 
> I'm helplessly aroused by fat gals. After orgasm, I'm helplessly disgusted by fat gals. Walk a mile in my fucking shoes. Which do I trust? Dick or brain? I'd never have a fat male friend. If they become fat, so be it - I already love them. But, why would I ever choose to befriend someone less attractive than me? Why do that? There's an endless number of people, you'll like a certain percentage, and isn't it in your own best interest to choose the most attractive?
> 
> ...



SO! i'm going to respond here, and hope he sees it:

dear NCP ~
second sentence: right on the money. and hey let's make it sooner, rather than later. i really hate to think of you out there roaming around unspayed, terrorizing unsuspecting fat chicks.
and remember: real punx DIY. 

fuck you forever for polluting my inbox and my brain with your disgusting bile.

-elle.


----------



## butch (Feb 4, 2008)

Dear Elle,

That is a PM (and response) for the ages. I'm flabbergasted. I've heard most of that bs before, but really, are we suppossed to feel sorry for the asshole? He made his damn choice, and if he thinks shallow is better, then he should expect to be miserable his entire life, and don't come to Dims expecting ANY sympathy.

I appreciate you telling him to channel all his ridiculous angst into something constructive, like castration, as that will benefit all womankind, fat or thin.

best regards,
B


----------



## elle camino (Feb 4, 2008)

i kinda feel like a kid who's spent years growing out of her fear of monsters under her bed and has finally tucked herself in for a good night's sleep, when she spies a bloody, claw-barbed tentacle slithering out from under her dustruffle.


----------



## Blackjack (Feb 4, 2008)

elle camino said:


> and remember: real punx DIY.



Tyler sez:







Rubber band and rusty knife FTW.


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 4, 2008)

Hahaha- I actually watched that yesterday.


----------



## Blackjack (Feb 4, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Hahaha- I actually watched that yesterday.



I need to watch it again... I haven't in a long time.


----------



## Red (Feb 4, 2008)

elle camino said:


> oh MAN, never has this thread been more appropriate.
> backstory: this is a (really really belated) PM from a person in response to a post i made on these boards a long time ago. i guarantee it is nobody anybody here knows, so no sense in speculating. i received it, gaped at my screen for about ten minutes in disgust and bewilderment, then i wrote a response.
> when i tried to SEND it, i found out this person has opted to not receive PMs. classy, right? so i figure i'll be classy right back.
> anyways, i need to get this shit out. it's honestly the most revolting thing i've read in quite a while.
> ...





Euugh, that guy needs a poke in the eye with a rusty spoon, or a lobotomy. Or both.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Feb 4, 2008)

Red said:


> a lobotomy.



I think that is just what I got from reading that post. 

:doh::doh:


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 4, 2008)

Dear ___,

The things you say make you far uglier than you worry about being on the outside. I thought perhaps your looks had grown to horrify me, but no. I didn't realize I could get so disgusted just by someone saying very mean, awful things. You're hideous. Luckily, it's easy to change. Hope you have the guts for that.

Casey


----------



## Blackjack (Feb 4, 2008)

Red said:


> Euugh, that guy needs a poke in the eye with a rusty spoon, or a lobotomy. Or both.



Or you could use an ice pick and do both at once.


----------



## themadhatter (Feb 4, 2008)

Dear me,
What the hell is it lately that you've got some kind of knack for unintentionally putting your foot in your mouth? Seriously. Ya mean well, but you end up coming off looking like a jerk. It's not like you get your kicks from having people pissed at you or looking like some kind of ass. What gives? Where's your head at? It's not really all that prevalent, but it's enough to really irk me. Quit fucking shit up. That ain't you. :doh:


(Now don't I sound caaahhraaazyyy and a bit pathetic? Ugh. )


----------



## cold comfort (Feb 4, 2008)

dear fellow green-eyed peoples,

why are we the only ones that don't have an eye thread on this board? :blink:

jus' wonderin'.

-fellow green peepered person.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Feb 5, 2008)

*I was going to post this rant on another thread but since I really like the OP and didn't want to derail it I'm laying my rant down right here....You have been warned.

Dear Random BBW Community Members,

I don't think that FA's are totally to blame for how BBWs are often treated. I mean, yes the random "How much do you weigh?" PM is more than annoying. Going to a dance and having a guy ask you back to his room within the first hour of you being there is...well, disheartening. And yeah, I wanna slug every FA who thinks just because about to attend a BBW social event I'm out to get laid. 

HOWEVER, as BBWs, as women, we are responsible for a part of this. If BBW A, B, and C are behaving certain ways that allow the negative behaviors of some FA's it shouldn't exactly be surprising when it becomes expected of all or most BBWs. So, when BBW D goes out socializing and runs into FAGetAround and ends up feeling objectified because all he wants to do is bang her for a night who is really responsible here? Chances are FAGetAround has had plenty of BBWs who are willing to share the night with him. Chances are that even if BBW D turns him down someone else won't. Many women would say that BBWs A, B, and C are just sexually independence and being self confident. Perhaps that is true. However, if that is the case then can we really complain when FAs only seem to want us for one thing when that one thing is the very thing we keep handing over so freely. BBWs are so often stereotyped as easy women who will take just about anyone because they are desperate. I hate that stereotype! but sadly, I've seen it played out time and again. Sexual independence is one thing. Allowing FAGetAround to have you just because there is no one else at that moment is another. To me women are allowing themselves to be mistreated and used when they do this. This is not confidence! This is...sad. We can lay the blame on FA's just so much...but then we have to look in the mirror. Why are we allowing it? Come on, ladies. We deserve soooooo much better. 

Proud to be a prude,
NancyGirl74

*I know this seems out of place here but I needed to rant and I didn't want to derail a good convo on another thread to do it.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Feb 5, 2008)

Dear Facial Hair:

I know we've been together now for about 24 years, but the stress of recent months has taken an undue toll on our friendship. Not only are you coming in with the coarseness of fossilized pubes, but the recent addition of your grey/silver 'buddies' has to stop. It's not grey hair, it's fucking 25 lb. test fishing line. I can haul in a Northern Pike with a whole spool of these things. I tried threatening you in a menacing way with the trimmer, making a "conform or else" look, but you don't scare easily. Please tell me that I won't need to change the hair color on my driver's license to 'nylon'.

I've tried softening agents, lotions, after-shave unguents and a host of other products to make the hair smoother than the lanugo on an infant's back, but you have the resiliency of titanium and laugh maniacally at their moisturizing assaults. I know that pepper-grey is 'sexy' on a man, but I'm still a boy, dammit! Rug burn on my hand is not a good thing! 'Por-coo-pine' is not a name daddy wants his kids to associate him with! And if it's soo sexy, why all these unsolicited forwards and notes left on my desk for hair coloring products? Are you trying to tell me something? Did the boat somehow leave the dock and I was still in the porta-john?

Pretty please, with sugar on top, can we set the Wayback machine to 1986?

Warm regards,

The rest of the Admiral's face


----------



## Spanky (Feb 5, 2008)

Dear Ego,

You ain't as good as you thought you were. 

Dumbass. Get real; realistic goals, reasonable results, one step at a time, constantly strive to improve no matter how small. Oh, and that "try your best" thing does really mean something. Dumb shit. 

Love, 

Me, myself and I


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Feb 5, 2008)

Dear Fat bashing youtube posters -

Is your life so boring and meaningless that you need to videotape unsuspecting fat people while they are out in the world? And then only to add your nasty, disgusting comments, or sometimes a song, about them and then post it on Youtube. Do you think this somehow gives you power or credibility? Do you think that it makes you likable? Do you realize that the majority of people who see these think that you are less than the crushed innards of a maggot on the bottom of my size 11ww shoe? Do you think that it is possible that if you actually had a real life of your own you wouldn't feel the need to interject your ugliness and stupidity into the lives of others? 
Maybe you should run home to your pathetic little life and think about what you have done. I mean really think about it. Cause the world has a way about it - what comes around goes around. I would not want to be you when karma comes to kick your sniveling, worthless, pathetic ass!


----------



## Ash (Feb 5, 2008)

Dear people,

Trying to humiliate other posters whom you loved at one time makes you seem mean and spiteful. Move on and wish each other well. You'll feel better in the end. 

Sincerely,
The rest of us


----------



## Spanky (Feb 5, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Dear people,
> 
> Trying to humiliate other posters whom you loved at one time makes you seem mean and spiteful. Move on and wish each other well. You'll feel better in the end.
> 
> ...



Did you and Casey break up? I never got the memo. Damn. :doh:


----------



## Sugar (Feb 5, 2008)

Dear Lady Boss,

At what point will you realize that no one likes you and your efforts to force control are only hurting you and your team? When your best supervisor who never gets mad throws a stack of papers your tactics should be revisited.

It's okay if you want to write me up for chatting while at work...I shouldn't have. Although maybe you could take a moment and realize that I take the most claims with the fastest turn around time with perfect audit results and perfect call reviews. If I can chat and be perfect in w/in company guidelines, maybe some concessions would be okay. After all we all know you don't do shit all day. Well, I take that back, you do go to Starbucks and lunch and you talk really loud when you think a man might be listening...because they all love your lip hair. They talk about it a lot, you should know. 

Oh and by the way your pants are too tight and they look trashy on you. 

Kisses and hugs,
Sarah, the chatter


----------



## Ash (Feb 5, 2008)

Spanky said:


> Did you and Casey break up? I never got the memo. Damn. :doh:



No, our love endures like that grease stain on your favorite shirt. 

I think the secret to our relationship is that we tell each other often that we're both complete assholes.


----------



## CleverBomb (Feb 5, 2008)

Ashley said:


> No, our love endures like that grease stain on your favorite shirt.
> 
> I think the secret to our relationship is that we tell each other often that we're both complete assholes.


Ah, the innocence of Young Love. 
*sigh*

-Rusty
(Yay you guys!)


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 5, 2008)

dear old creepy man

its not that i dont appreciate the fact you wait in line to come down my lane at the grocery store, or the fact that when i ask you for your number for your value card you ask me for mine...

its that you insist on handing me your money and use your other hand to grab my hand and then in one swift motion your holding my hand and complimenting me on my eyes.

its the fact that you have told me 2 times now about how you "like pretty young tender things" and "theres motion in your ocean"

you make me feel dirty, and i am ashamed when there is a woman in my line with children who see this/hear this.

please stop winking at me, and trying to touch me. please stop insisting i take your 5 dollar tips.

just because i am fat doesnt mean i am desperate. and just because i am polite doesnt mean i want to do anything with you.

go away.
amatrix
----

dear boss

thanks for letting me take a break today. 
-----

dear sun
i hate you so much. you take and ruin my sleep, and burn my skin. i dont even get tan... just peel and burn... your rays make me all sweaty and itchy moving water softner outside and wearing my uniform.
you steal from the night, and make new days come.  booo! sometimes i want to live one day forever. 

so, stop showing up.

me and the moon talked... shes way more understanding.
kthnxbye
amatrix
---

dear cake.
i love you.
:wubu:
amatrix


----------



## sunnie1653 (Feb 5, 2008)

Dear Boss,

I wasn't really THAT sick today. I just didn't feel like coming in. And I don't feel guilty. AT ALL.

Your unhappy employee.


----------



## Britannia (Feb 5, 2008)

Dear Youtube,

Every movie I think I want to watch, isn't uploaded. I'm stuck with dreary, grainy, boring movies from a million years ago.

Gimme something funny, damn it.

You suck.

Love,
Me.


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Feb 5, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> its the fact that you have told me 2 times now about how you "like pretty young tender things" and "theres motion in your ocean"



eewwww! Sounds like you need to suddenly go on break when this man is in the store. Perhaps if you tell your boss you are being harassed by a particular customer they can get someone to cover for you when he checks out.


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 6, 2008)

cute_obese_girl said:


> eewwww! Sounds like you need to suddenly go on break when this man is in the store. Perhaps if you tell your boss you are being harassed by a particular customer they can get someone to cover for you when he checks out.



i know... thats what i talked to my boss about when i was on break...
turns out he did it to a few other girls too. 

creepy though right?


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Feb 6, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> i know... thats what i talked to my boss about when i was on break...
> turns out he did it to a few other girls too.
> 
> creepy though right?



You need a trap door in your lane so that when you press a button, he falls Dr. Evil style into a pit of hot boiling 'mag-ma'.


----------



## Tooz (Feb 6, 2008)

Dear Sabres:
Keep it up. Seriously. Maybe you can get into the playoffs. I don't care if you lose in the first round, just GET THERE.

Tooz

p.s. I love yooooooooooou. :batting:


Dear obnoxious people:
Keep the snark out. Don't reply to this with something you think is witty.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 6, 2008)

Dear friend I intended the letter towards that was so angry a few days ago,

My love's unconditional, but what you did was plain rotten. I'm still pretty upset about it. Name-calling does indeed hurt my feelings, and those things do catch up with you even if you don't do it to my face. I'm very sorry we don't talk anymore, but I'm more sorry yet this is the way you choose to engage me. And you knew it would return to you. I think you have some challenging traits about you, but you're not stupid.

I'm trying to accept that I can no longer expect you to feel guilty about what you did, and I'd rather your life be less painful anyway. I see you taking your lumps every day and you've been punished enough by your own behaviors. So stop. 

And I'm not just asking you to knock it off because it's a bother to me, or that it irritates me, but that it breaks my damn heart.

C


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 6, 2008)

Ashley said:


> No, our love endures like that grease stain on your favorite shirt.
> 
> I think the secret to our relationship is that we tell each other often that we're both complete assholes.



Takes one to know one. Asshole. 

Or should I start that as,

"Dear Asshole,"

and end,

"Love,

Asshole"


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 6, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> dear old creepy man
> 
> its not that i dont appreciate the fact you wait in line to come down my lane at the grocery store, or the fact that when i ask you for your number for your value card you ask me for mine...
> 
> ...



Dear Amatrix,

Just because you are a cashier does not mean you have to put up with this bullshit. There's nothing wrong with saying, "What you are saying/doing is extremely rude, and it makes me feel bad," while looking him in the eye.

He's not going to magically stop. You have to stand up for yourself. I know how hard it is, but you have to. <3

Love,

Casey


----------



## Sugar (Feb 6, 2008)

Dear Lady Who Doesn't Use A Seat Cover & Pees Super Hard,

You're gross and likely the reason that others get sick at work. Also, peeing that hard is going to backfire on you one day. You're not cutting glass in there so slow it down.

Cordially,

The Unforunate Person That Shares Your Break Time


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 6, 2008)

TheSadeianLinguist said:


> Dear Amatrix,
> 
> Just because you are a cashier does not mean you have to put up with this bullshit. There's nothing wrong with saying, "What you are saying/doing is extremely rude, and it makes me feel bad," while looking him in the eye.
> 
> ...


dear casey
i think your right! my polite tendencies seem to over step my own feelings and emotions. i geuss i feel guilty about all the "bad" cashiers i have ever had.
but your really right.

thanks for the words!


amatrix


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 6, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> You need a trap door in your lane so that when you press a button, he falls Dr. Evil style into a pit of hot boiling 'mag-ma'.




only if your down there and shot him in the arm...

or make some sharks with laser beam eyes.


----------



## Ash (Feb 6, 2008)

Dear Amatrix,

I worked in a convenience store for a while in high school, and there was this one older male customer who was really creepy. He would come in every day at the same time and get coffee and stare at whichever girl was at the counter for hours. It was really scary. The male owner of the store asked him, once, why he did it, and the guy started talking about what he called his "goddesses". He had compiled a binder of all of the girls who had worked in that store for two years, including photos, and called it his "Goddess Book". Needless to say, when we heard this, we were all pretty frightened. We begged the owner to ask the guy not to hang out there anymore, but he wouldn't. He said that it wasn't fair to turn a customer away over something like that. So all of his female employees quit. I have no idea what ever happened to that guy (I was 16 at the time, and all I cared about was my own safety).

Seriously, no matter what kind of job you have, it is your right to feel safe at work. You're being harassed. Don't put up with it.


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 6, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Dear Amatrix,
> 
> I worked in a convenience store for a while in high school, and there was this one older male customer who was really creepy. He would come in every day at the same time and get coffee and stare at whichever girl was at the counter for hours. It was really scary. The male owner of the store asked him, once, why he did it, and the guy started talking about what he called his "goddesses". He had compiled a binder of all of the girls who had worked in that store for two years, including photos, and called it his "Goddess Book". Needless to say, when we heard this, we were all pretty frightened. We begged the owner to ask the guy not to hang out there anymore, but he wouldn't. He said that it wasn't fair to turn a customer away over something like that. So all of his female employees quit. I have no idea what ever happened to that guy (I was 16 at the time, and all I cared about was my own safety).
> 
> Seriously, no matter what kind of job you have, it is your right to feel safe at work. You're being harassed. Don't put up with it.



dear ashley

ewww. thats really creepy. 

and you all are right. i will return to work with MY safety and feelings in mind.
glad im not alone with the creepy people at work... even if its kinda wrong to say.



*stars*
Amatrix


----------



## themadhatter (Feb 6, 2008)

Dear Dook Blue Devils,
Go eff yourselves. That is all. 



Dear patriot-haters, et. all,
Thanks for joinin' my facebook group. It's boooming. I feel like a father


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Feb 7, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> only if your down there and shot him in the arm...
> 
> or make some sharks with laser beam eyes.


That's 'frickin' laser beams, dear heart.


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 7, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> That's 'frickin' laser beams, dear heart.



dear admiral snackbar

i apologize. 
shame on me. i know.

i dont think i have seen that movie in awhile.

hotpocket perhaps?

amatrix


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Feb 7, 2008)

Dear Yahoo...

I don't thank you for much... or anything for that matter... but thank you for giving me perhaps the most pleasant surprise of my birthday... You started registration for Fantasy Baseball. My fantasy baseball league has already been created. Now I must do some research.

PS: Thank you for letting me be a nerd and not judging me.


----------



## Blackjack (Feb 7, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> dear admiral snackbar
> 
> i apologize.
> shame on me. i know.
> ...



Have whatever, just please, do not eat the kitty. We do not eat the kitty.


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 7, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Have whatever, just please, do not eat the kitty. We do not eat the kitty.



dear blackjack...

not even a little nibble?



*stars*
amatrix


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 7, 2008)

Dear Lovely, lovely person,

Thank you for such a sweet message. And being you. 

Love, totally,

Casey

Dear Dimmer,

Your thank you note made me cry. You are the most wondeful person ever.

Love,

Casey


----------



## bmann0413 (Feb 8, 2008)

BlondeAmbition said:


> Dearest you,
> 
> Thanks for getting the point.
> 
> ...



Dear eyes,

Are you deceiving me or is that a NEW POST by Michelle?!

Totally in awe,
Lloyd


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Feb 10, 2008)

bmann0413 said:


> Dear eyes,
> 
> Are you deceiving me or is that a NEW POST by Michelle?!
> 
> ...



Dear Lloyd's eyes,

*high five!*


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 11, 2008)

Dear Jim's restaurants,
Thank you for being so frickin cool with students using you to study. Your 24 hour availability, decent coffee, non-invasive (but attentive) waitstaff, and booths are key to my studying capabilites. When I _eventually_ graduate, I'll be sure to think of the many hours I've clocked on your vinyl seats. I still have a year left in school, so it looks like we are in a committed relationship for a while. 
Love always,
Samantha

P.S. Phenomenal strawberry pie tonight.



Dear Exam #2-
Get ready for an ass-kicking. I have my number 2 pencils sharpened and ready for our showdown tomorrow morning at 8:45.
-Samantha



Dear Dimmers,
I have to apologize for my recent lapse in judgment re: the letter written on Sunday night and the subsequent (admitted) immaturity on the behalf of 3 people. Sorry to bring my personal drama here. Love you guys!
-Sam


----------



## sunnie1653 (Feb 11, 2008)

Dear J,

Thanks for making me smile all the time. 

Melina


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 11, 2008)

Dear Ren Woman,

Get better soon or I'll break your legs. 

Dear Ren's Brother,

Thank you for listening about how your sister's medical conditions affect her and how weight does and doesn't play a role there. It impressed me. And surprised me a little, you crazy ol' thin-centric, you!

Dear Sunshine,

I hope the email was clarifying. You know how much I care about you, but fear and hope don't rule me. You know I adore you, but I also practice voicing when I feel pain. You're still a wonderful person.


----------



## Sugar (Feb 11, 2008)

Dear Garage Door Operator Repair Guy,

Please turn off the porn movie when you go to answer the phone OR let it go to voice mail if you're busy 'n junk. I am not deaf & It's poor business sense.

Cordially,

Grosssed Out Person Who Had The Misfortune To Call You During A Special Moment


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 11, 2008)

Lucky said:


> Dear Garage Door Operator Repair Guy,
> 
> Please turn off the porn movie when you go to answer the phone OR let it go to voice mail if you're busy 'n junk. I am not deaf & It's poor business sense.
> 
> ...




Dear Lucky,

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

You made my day! 

Love,
Me


----------



## Sugar (Feb 11, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Lucky,
> 
> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
> 
> ...



Dear Melliekins,

Please come over and give me a bath. I feel dirty after that phone call and your subsequent letter. 

Love,

Moi


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 11, 2008)

Lucky said:


> Dear Melliekins,
> 
> Please come over and give me a bath. I feel dirty after that phone call and your subsequent letter.
> 
> ...



Dear Sarahpoo,

Do I get to use the 'special' sponge again? :batting: If so then....YES...kthnxbai

Forever your bath whore,

Melliekins


----------



## Sugar (Feb 11, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Sarahpoo,
> 
> Do I get to use the 'special' sponge again? :batting: If so then....YES...kthnxbai
> 
> ...



Dear Melir,

As long as you don't make the same noises the lady on the movie made, we're golden!

Yours Truly,

Still Feeling Dirty Sarah


----------



## sunnie1653 (Feb 11, 2008)

Sarah,

You know as well as I do she makes pornstar noises. 

It makes me want to cry.

*loves*

Melina


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 11, 2008)

sunnie1653 said:


> Sarah,
> 
> You know as well as I do she makes pornstar noises.
> 
> ...



Dear Melina,

NUH UH!!!!

Love,
Melanie


----------



## Sugar (Feb 11, 2008)

sunnie1653 said:


> Sarah,
> 
> You know as well as I do she makes pornstar noises.
> 
> ...



Dearest Melina,

Let's ditch the noisy broad and make each other feel better.

Love and baloney,

Sarah


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 11, 2008)

Lucky said:


> Dearest Melina,
> 
> Let's ditch the noisy broad and make each other feel better.
> 
> ...



Dear Sarah,

NUH UH!!!!

Love,
Melanie


----------



## sunnie1653 (Feb 11, 2008)

Dear Sarah,

Sounds like a delightfully silent plan.  You sexy bitch! 

*snugglehugs*
Melina






Lucky said:


> Dearest Melina,
> 
> Let's ditch the noisy broad and make each other feel better.
> 
> ...


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 11, 2008)

sunnie1653 said:


> Dear Sarah,
> 
> Sounds like a delightfully silent plan.  You sexy bitch!
> 
> ...



Dear Both Of You Guys,

Kiss my ass!

Eternally Yours,
Melanie


----------



## DUBLINDA (Feb 12, 2008)

Dear Melanie,

Im still waiting patiently in line. :batting:

Fats hugs
Linda.


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 12, 2008)

DUBLINDA said:


> Dear Melanie,
> 
> Im still waiting patiently in line. :batting:
> 
> ...



Dear Linda,

C'mon over here stateside and the line will 'magically' disappear! :batting:


Soft kisses,
Melanie


----------



## CandySmooch (Feb 12, 2008)

Dear Peanut Butter Cup Cheesecake,

Although I damn near bounced my checkbook to have you - I have to admit you are quite tasty, although at $40 a pop, I doubt I'll ever have you again, especially anytime soon.

You are creamy & delicious with your gooey peanut butter layer and then cheesecake filling, topped with hot fudge & peanut butter cups and what are the black things in the crust?? Aaahh you threw me a curve with mixing crushed oreos in your graham crackers. You are the best piece of cheesecake I can remember, but tell your owner who made you by hand that although it broke my heart to pay $40 for you, I loved your every last PB morsel. See you in a few years when I have another $40 to drop on a cheesecake like I'm a rich mo'fo when you and I both know I'm not.

Love, your Mistress


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 13, 2008)

Dear Insomnia,

Vacation is a shitty time for you to hang around. Piss off.

Dear US Airways,

You people are stupid AND incompetent. Why add hostile to the list? If you work with me, you are very likely to get more of my money in the future. I travel for work some and like recreational travel, so pissing me off is basically pissing off several thousand dollars a year. There are any number of airlines eager to take my money who haven't:

1) Lost my baggage for 36 hours by the time I get it.

2) Caused me to miss a day of the holidays.

3) Had their rep tell me I was being unreasonable because I did not want to sleep in the LAX lobby.

4) Had their rep yell at me because I caught the rep in a lie about the baggage. 

As you well learned, I yell back and file complaints. A free ticket does not fix this. And you only offered it because I called bullshit on your policy of "not legally responsible" for baggage. Incorrect. You are indeed legally responsible to deliver in a timely manner. I'm hesitant to hold off on contacting the BBB. The bag better get here by 3. Fucking around time is over.

Your friend,

Casey


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 13, 2008)

Dear body

You're a tank today. Can you feel it? You feel cumbersome and awkward.


Pull yourself together.


Love 
Me


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Feb 13, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear dear me,
> 
> Apparently .. you're the only one annoyed by you know, certain males who like say the same exact thing to every single woman on here in like every thread. YOU ARE SO CUTE. I WISH YOU WERE MY BASKET OF HEARTS.
> 
> ...



IT NEVER ENDS!


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye (Feb 13, 2008)

Dear Brain, 

You continue to exceed my expectations. Have I not killed enough of your cells? How on earth do you thrive like this? 

Your persistence concerns me, quite frankly. 

-Sharleen


----------



## bmann0413 (Feb 13, 2008)

Dear Cupid,

I will kill you... and Valentine's Day. That is all.

Lloyd


----------



## Mathias (Feb 13, 2008)

Dear Me,

It's time to get off your lazy ass and show your jerkoff English Professor just how good of a writer you are. Don't dissapoint.


-Matt


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 13, 2008)

dear S-
i am sorry i lashed out on you. glad i got the chance to get to know you.i have been wrong in the past. i am not sorry about saying you are in my thoughts, and i wish for you to find whatever you want/need in life.
your an amazing sweet person. really.
and because of the whole sisterhood thing, you know, we both own a vag... i am sorry too for the drama.:blush:
i admit i am occasionally jealous of your time with person number 3.i cant compete and no longer will try.
hearts and stars
amatrix

dear dims-
sorry about the drama... thanks for letting me complain and be dumb on here. and thanks for everyone who has sent me messages, taken time to get to know me, or is now my friend from here. i really like this place, even if i act like i'm... all of my 22 years...lol.:doh:
:bow:
amatrix

dear Pog-
i love you, sunshine. :smitten: even if its like a week until i see you again- i know it will be awesome. and i cant wait. 
ps you always make me very happy.
:kiss2:
amatrix

dear other cashiers/grocery store workers/dims people
the creepy old man is no longer welcomed in the store. i took and found my personal strength and have made it clear i didnt like what he said or how it made me felt.
yessss!!!!
amatrix

dear dude on youtube-
dont steal my videos to promote your stupid dating site.
not ever yours... 
amatrix

*sorry have been working alot lately and doing some art...*

dear art supplies
why do you cost so much?  its dumb to do that. just float into my studio so i can be creative.
ill be there in the cold, with my pack of smokes. waiting for you to show up.
truely yours
amatrix

dear everyone
happy vanlentines day! even if your sinlge... someone does love you. i promise. 
love 
amatrix


----------



## Mini (Feb 13, 2008)

Dear Mini,

Stop having crushes on attached women, you stupid bastard.

Thanks,

Michael


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Feb 13, 2008)

Dear temper...

I understand that I can get competitive in games. When it comes to my games, I try to do the best that I can. Other players often make it difficult for me to try to be impartial to "political affairs" within the game, but I still try to stay neutral. So when someone else kicks my ass, or at least threatens to do so, let the brain do some thinking first, BEFORE you make me make stupid comments. LoL

Here's to a brighter future, with less outbursts!
The man behind the brain


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 13, 2008)

Dear Me,

Sometimes you have to do what's best for you...no matter what anyone else tells you. Take care of YOU...and you'll be fine. I love you.

Forever,
Me


----------



## goofy girl (Feb 14, 2008)

Dear Mellie,
I'm sorry you're not feeling too well these days. If you need a shoulder, I'm here for ya. You have lots of friends here, and we care about you, so please take care of yourself (which includes finding a good shrink-maybe even drugs!  ) And yes, you will be fine.

Love,
Goof


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Feb 14, 2008)

Dear Hope,

You are cruel to lift me up and make me fly high with excitement. I should know better because you always abandon me at the last second leaving me to crash hard and fast. Do you get pleasure from it? Do you enjoy watching me sink lower each time you are pulled out from under me? Do you realize that each time you pull away I want if give up on you...not just you but give up on everything. I'm not sure I want to fight for you any more, Hope. It's my own fault really. You are the kind of friend who betrays over and over. I should finally learn to leave you alone. I just don't need a friend like you.

Hopeless again,
Nancy


----------



## activistfatgirl (Feb 14, 2008)

Dear Google,

I know you like your fun and games, you like to be cutesy and interesting. Fine. However, turning Google Docs pink and turning the stars into full, pink hearts with a "Happy Valentine's Day" message is UNACCEPTABLE. 

I work in Google documents all day, it's quite different than the famed Google holiday pictures. ALL DAY. PINK. MY DOCUMENTS. FOR WORK.

I believe this is a vast conspiracy on the part of the leaders of global capital to further the downtrodden state of the masses on this day of all saddening proletariat days. You desire me to freak out and by copious amounts of chocolate, further stimulating the economy, right?

No one can convince me otherwise.

I shake my fist at you.

Sincerely,

Google user 

PS. Mostly kidding. Or am I?


----------



## Sugar (Feb 14, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Hope,
> 
> You are cruel to lift me up and make me fly high with excitement. I should know better because you always abandon me at the last second leaving me to crash hard and fast. Do you get pleasure from it? Do you enjoy watching me sink lower each time you are pulled out from under me? Do you realize that each time you pull away I want if give up on you...not just you but give up on everything. I'm not sure I want to fight for you any more, Hope. It's my own fault really. You are the kind of friend who betrays over and over. I should finally learn to leave you alone. I just don't need a friend like you.
> 
> ...



Dear Nancy,

(((((((((((((((hugs not drugs))))))))))))))))

Love,
Sarah


----------



## CrankySpice (Feb 14, 2008)

Dear Saint Valentine,

I assume you are as resentful as I am at having a purely commercial holiday foisted off on you year after year after year. 

Maybe you could put a word in with JC or the Big Guy and have some lightning bolts strike the Hallmark Factory, the Whitman's factory, and every Kay Jewelers on the face of God's green earth some time today. 

Thank you,

Cranky


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Feb 14, 2008)

Dear Cruel World, 

I hate you. I am super bitter right now and that's fine. I admit, I've never been quite this EMO on a valentines day. It's just like BLAH! LIFE ! YOU SUCK! Every aspect! 

Seriously. If Morrissey were here, he'd tell me to grow a pair and slap me across the face. That is how I am feeling today.

It's been suggested that I hide all sharp objects from my sight. I do not wish to cause myself any physical damage. But in all my sadness, there is one thing I overlooked. One thing that may bring about my doom. 

Hedgehog to the wrist.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Feb 14, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear Cruel World,
> 
> I hate you. I am super bitter right now and that's fine. I admit, I've never been quite this EMO on a valentines day. It's just like BLAH! LIFE ! YOU SUCK! Every aspect!
> 
> ...



I am so loving your hedgehog. What a cutie.

And getting so big!!!1


----------



## activistfatgirl (Feb 14, 2008)

Dear BGB,

What a way to go!

Don't cry, emo kid. Or, actually, why don't you cry into my chest, there, there.

Sincerely,

Also bitter but just enough old and randy to not care AFG

ETA: This needs a smiley!


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye (Feb 14, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Hope,
> 
> You are cruel to lift me up and make me fly high with excitement. I should know better because you always abandon me at the last second leaving me to crash hard and fast. Do you get pleasure from it? Do you enjoy watching me sink lower each time you are pulled out from under me? Do you realize that each time you pull away I want if give up on you...not just you but give up on everything. I'm not sure I want to fight for you any more, Hope. It's my own fault really. You are the kind of friend who betrays over and over. I should finally learn to leave you alone. I just don't need a friend like you.
> 
> ...



Dear Nancy, 

First and foremost,




(WTF?! :doh

Lastly, you are beautiful, sweet, and funny. Really, who needs _hope_ with that trifecta of alluring attributes? But, if you insist, get up on hope's ass like a pimp and get money. I'm not ghetto enough to know how to string those along properly, but you know what I mean. I kind of know what I mean, too. Whatever, as long as it looks cool, you know?

xox
<3 
Can't wait to see you!!


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Feb 14, 2008)

Lucky said:


> Dear Nancy,
> 
> (((((((((((((((hugs not drugs))))))))))))))))
> 
> ...








ShakenBakeSharleen said:


> Dear Nancy,
> 
> First and foremost,
> 
> ...



Dear Lucky and ShakenBakeSharleen,

Thanks for the warm HAM thoughts and hugs. I loves ya both. I'm a lucky gal to have such caring friends. 

Not so hopeless, 
Nancy


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 14, 2008)

dear bgb

do not die.

your hedgehog needs his loving parent to take care of him.

without you he would probably end up somewhere very sad and alone... like a grade school classroom where people would poke him and make fun of him.

he needs you and you need him.

buck up buttercup. here- if you need someone to talk to you, or compliment you.

sick of chocolate, yes... its true
amatrix


----------



## themadhatter (Feb 14, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Hedgehog to the wrist.



No no Justin, it's down the road, not across the street. He should be going the other way. Lol. 

Oh emo...


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (Feb 15, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Hedgehog to the wrist.



The new fashion must-have for Spring!
Now everyone will be wearing one!


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 15, 2008)

Dear D,

I'm very glad we're talking again. I hope that we can remain friends.

Your friend,
Melanie


----------



## goofy girl (Feb 15, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Hope,
> 
> You are cruel to lift me up and make me fly high with excitement. I should know better because you always abandon me at the last second leaving me to crash hard and fast. Do you get pleasure from it? Do you enjoy watching me sink lower each time you are pulled out from under me? Do you realize that each time you pull away I want if give up on you...not just you but give up on everything. I'm not sure I want to fight for you any more, Hope. It's my own fault really. You are the kind of friend who betrays over and over. I should finally learn to leave you alone. I just don't need a friend like you.
> 
> ...



Dear Nancy,
Hope might have let you down again, but maybe it was hope's way of telling you that what you were hoping for just wasn't the right thing for you, at this moment in time? I know you don't like hope right now, but you're going to want it back someday. I will take your hope and put it in my top dresser drawer and when you are ready to have it back, let me know. 

Love,
Goof


----------



## Ample Pie (Feb 15, 2008)

*Deus Ex Machina*

Today, she comes to me in the grocery store,
In the frozen food aisle of all places.
After weeks of nervous faith-
Nails bitten to the quick,
Dirty hair pulled back to hide the knots and tangles-
Like a ghost appearing slowly in a doorway,
Hope has come again, today.
I gasp for air, exhausted from holding my breath so long.

Who knows why she went in the first place?
She's fickle is all I can figure,
Evaporating at the slightest sign
Of illness
Or poverty
Or failure.

The ghost doesn't smile.
She just stands there. Still.
But her presence is felt.
Is noted.
Is celebrated.

I'm a little bit proud of myself;
I waited her out this time.
No pounding my head with clenched fists.
Just a box of candy eaten at midnight,
A canceled lunch date
And an early morning nightmare.

And now she's here again,
Approaching me with a warm light,
Not as bright as a comet, but brighter than the TV screen.
My eyes burn and I bite my bottom lip.
"I knew she would come," I whisper to the fishsticks.

_by Lori Cossens_


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye (Feb 15, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Lucky and ShakenBakeSharleen,
> 
> Thanks for the warm HAM thoughts and hugs. I loves ya both. I'm a lucky gal to have such caring friends.
> 
> ...




Sarah made the raisin sauce. That's why it's tangy.


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye (Feb 15, 2008)

goofy girl said:


> Dear Nancy,
> Hope might have let you down again, but maybe it was hope's way of telling you that what you were hoping for just wasn't the right thing for you, at this moment in time? I know you don't like hope right now, but you're going to want it back someday. I will take your hope and put it in my top dresser drawer and when you are ready to have it back, let me know.
> 
> Love,
> Goof



Dear Goof, 

Are you going to NJ in March? Lilly has just txted me and said I can pick her up Friday morning. Would you like a ride? 

Miss you,
Sharleen

P.S. The C/Hanukkah ham is dry and not so tasty since having been in the freezer for few months. But, I'm Protestant, so I probably let it sit out and do whatever it wanted for too long before I wrapped it up and tried to save it.


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye (Feb 15, 2008)

Dear Job,

When you distract me from doing things I like, I take offense and become resentful of you. 

Try to be a team-player, ok?

All the best,
Sharleen


----------



## Shala (Feb 15, 2008)

Dear Wisdom Teeth,

We have spent 35 years together but now...we must part. I have been kind to you....I have brush and flossed daily, had you cleaned by a professional every six months. I have always been there for you. Can you please not make our last few days together a living hell? I am begging you....let us part as friends rather than sworn enemies. 

Please stop hurting me.

Love, 
Me


----------



## goofy girl (Feb 15, 2008)

ShakenBakeSharleen said:


> Dear Goof,
> 
> Are you going to NJ in March? Lilly has just txted me and said I can pick her up Friday morning. Would you like a ride?
> 
> ...



Dear Sharleen,
Thank you for your very generous offer, but I can't make it! I would LOVE to go, but I just started a new job, and then there's the whole saving money for the wedding thing. But thanks again for the offer! 

Miss you, too.
Love, Goof


----------



## Sugar (Feb 16, 2008)

Dear Buttface,

Pretending to be a different person when you've screwed up as yourself is lame. 

Also...I know you think you're hot, but I don't like your yellowish teeth. They sell stuff for that, Stud... 

With Much Love,
The Girl Who Only Half Fell For Your Crap Lies

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Samantha,

We've known each other for a few years now, but in the past 3 weeks you've shown me more compassion, kindness, and friendship anyone could ever hope to get. 

Thank you so much, you're a gem and I am thankful for you in my life.

Love and cheese,
Sarah


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 18, 2008)

Dear bed,

Why do you turn into the most comfortable thing you've ever been *5 minutes before my alarm goes off*?? That is a cruel, cruel joke.

-Sam






Dear _________,
I think you're selling yourself short by not going back to school. You were all amped up about it a few months ago but like most of your plans, they sort of fizzled out. What happened?
-Sam


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 18, 2008)

Dear Thomas-
Thank you so much for giving me, Melissa, and Alex something to giggle about. It's too bad you're not so talkative. It would be better if you were. Oh well. 

Good deal, good deal. See you tomorrow so you can kick my ass up and down the gym.
-Samantha


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Feb 18, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear bed,
> 
> Why do you turn into the most comfortable thing you've ever been *5 minutes before my alarm goes off*?? That is a cruel, cruel joke.
> 
> -Sam



For what it's worth, I've always thought that once I hit the snooze alarm, the bed has never felt more comfortable... The beds, they conspire!


----------



## Spanky (Feb 20, 2008)

Dear Coffee Barista:

ROOM FOR CREAM? ROOM FOR CREAM? I am buying coffee. I pay a lot of money, I want a lot of coffee. In my cup. Filled to the top. 

Just ask me if I want less coffee than I am paying for. At least that is honest. 

Gad. :doh:


----------



## mossystate (Feb 20, 2008)

dddddddddddeeeeeeeeeecaf


----------



## TraciJo67 (Feb 20, 2008)

Spanky said:


> Dear Coffee Barista:
> 
> ROOM FOR CREAM? ROOM FOR CREAM? I am buying coffee. I pay a lot of money, I want a lot of coffee. In my cup. Filled to the top.
> 
> ...



Dear Sparky,
I am so sorry to hear that your coffee experience wasn't all that you felt it should be. We are committed to consistently delighting our loyal customers, one cup of coffee at a time. Please provide me with your full name, address, social security number, and bank routing/credit card numbers (along with the 3 digit code on the back of each card) and I will gladly send you a service recovery coupon.

Most Sincerely,
Your Perk-y Barista


----------



## Spanky (Feb 20, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Sparky,
> I am so sorry to hear that your coffee experience wasn't all that you felt it should be. We are committed to consistently delighting our loyal customers, one cup of coffee at a time. Please provide me with your full name, address, social security number, and bank routing/credit card numbers (along with the 3 digit code on the back of each card) and I will gladly send you a service recovery coupon.
> 
> Most Sincerely,
> Your Perk-y Barista



Dear Dark-side Newbie,

It is called the "dark" side, because we like it dark. No feckin' cream. 

Got it, Shuga' ?


----------



## Spanky (Feb 20, 2008)

Dear TraipsieJo,

Here is the coffee song for you. The lyrics are below. And of course it is ska, which is caffeine induced reggae. 

Spanky

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWTmI8_sWeQ

*** Coffee ***

Just drank a cup of coffee and I didn't really need it
but I know I got a habit and I know I gotta feed it
I got coffee in the morning I got coffee in the night
and when I drink my coffee I am higher than a kite
COFFEE, COFFEE, COFFEE!! I GOT COKE AND PEPSI TOO!
There's all this coffee, coffee, coffee, and my gut is filled with goo
I drink coffee with my brother and coffee with my friends
with all the Cops at Dunkin Donuts and my high, it never ends!

Coffee please with sugar, sugar is a drug
14 packs of sugar in the coffee cup I chug
Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, Dr. Pepper just won't do
Screw that Slice with Lymon gimme freaking Mountain Dew!!
I don't like my habits and I don't like my life
But When I drink my coffee I act just like Barney Fife
Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, yeah I drink it every day
You know without my cup of coffee I would blow my mind away!

Coffee, not JOLT cola, coffee not Iced tea
For My cup of coffee I would get down on my knees
Coffee in my stomach, I got Coffee in my blood
I Take it intravenous cause my coffee tastes like MUD
Coffee gets me higher & I Cannot go to sleep
Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, yeah I know I'm in too deep
I got coffee in the office, I got coffee in the home
My eyeballs are a'bleedin and my brain has turned to foam


----------



## TraciJo67 (Feb 21, 2008)

:::: tap, tap ::::

AHEM!!

<prances onto stage, dressed to the 9's in a red cardigan with 'winter wonderland' appliques, green 'mom cut' khakis, and a battered pair of purple crocs ... begins reading, nervously, through granny glasses, from a crumpled piece of paper>



ODE TO A TROLL (and no troll in particular)

I see you jumping on the stage
To crap upon our clean web page
Bitter twit, you whine and snivel
Plaguing us with thoughtless drivel
Stupidly you spew and sputter
Vapidly you blurt and mutter
Garbage vomits from your keys
Annoying us like bites from fleas
Saying nothing good or true
Asshat lies and trash you spew
Grammar poor, ideas dull
Reflect your empty, worthless skull
"I'll hurt your feelings with my screed!"
"Fear my wrath! I'll make you bleed!
"I am kafka, hear me roar!"
Frankly dear, you're such a bore
Baboon flinging monkey poo
Here's what the Alliance'll do to you
Give you love, give you attention,
By mocking you, and did I mention
That you are just a joke to us
A moron who rides life's short bus
Leave us now, you mindless fool
You floating turd in our swimming pool
You warthog-faced retarded putz
You dripping sore upon our nuts
You feckless, brainless, drooling mass
You feeble, filthy, ignorant ass
Sic Semper Tyrannis, and fare thee well
Now f*** off, troll, and burn in hell.


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 21, 2008)

Haha- love the stylin' outfit, darlin!  LOL


----------



## cold comfort (Feb 21, 2008)

*dear ganley lincoln-mercury body shop:*

seriously guys, cracker-jack job on repairing my brand new car. i'm really impressed with all of the cosmetic paint chips you managed to miss, and so PLEASED to have to deal with this accident a month AFTER that jackass decided to throw his car in reverse and roll up onto my hood in a toll booth line.

see you on monday since you couldn't do it right the first time,
jen


*dear cleveland cavaliers:*

seriously?! ben wallace?! SERIOUSLY?! wasn't he like, the most hated individual to step foot in the Q last year???

ah, nah, you're right. that was tony parker. hahahahahahaah honestly, i can't believe we picked up the big baby. i'm going to run out and grab a ben wallace jersey before something fucks up.

baffled yet excited,
jen


*dear cleveland browns:*

yaaaaaaaaahhhhh jamal lewis, wha-WHAAAAT?!!?! 

totally pumped for football even though it just ended,
jen


*dear cold weather: *

go the fuck away. nobody likes you.

seriously,
jen


*dear carl monday:*

dude, you can't just run into people's houses to get an investigative report, you creepy sonuvabitch. you annoy me to no end, and i'm not even on the shit end of your pestering.

just chill out dude,
jen


*dear work:*

please try to not fuck my brain tomorrow. it's casual friday. i like casual friday, i get to wear jeans.

anxious and vulnerable,
jen


*dear randy jackson:*

i am shamefully addicted to your dance crew show on mtv. _shamefully._

-anonymous


*dear jen:*

how many letters were you planning to write? go to bed and get some fucking sleep.

seriously laptop off,
jen

p.s. - stop laughing at your own letters you sorry, egotistical bastard.


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 22, 2008)

Dear Miss Yankee,

You owe me your address so I can send you dirty things as a thank you.

C


----------



## Tina (Feb 22, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> :::: tap, tap ::::
> 
> AHEM!!
> 
> ...



And here I am having to spread it all around before I can give it to you again. Sheesh.


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (Feb 24, 2008)

Dear *Dreams*,
Thank you so much for being so detailed and seeming so very real. For a moment there I actually felt like I was in love. And it was wonderful. That is, until I woke up alone and realized it was _all a dream_! Thanks for reminding me of what I don't have. Next time stick to reuniting me with my dead Grandma. At least it's less painful.

Yours Truly,
Me


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 24, 2008)

dear pog
you momz is pretty sweet and really a lovely person. your step dad is really funny and is a great person for "sharing". your dog is cute, and the cat was sweet to me too.

memories of everything, happiness.:eat2:
hoppas multi-orgasm rolls, saki, painted cowboys and men in hair-shirts.;ate night drives and dangerous curves, readjusting in king supers... zomg.my ring, the mountains and the moonlight coming through the lattice outside holding us from the cold in the hot tub...:wubu::smitten:

love you.:bow:
thnx 4 the great times.
hope you liked what you got.

heartsandstars
amatrix


----------



## sunnie1653 (Feb 24, 2008)

Dear Melina,

Get off it. He won't let go, so you have to. He's not the one for you. Quit fucking with us.

Love,
Your heart and your brain.


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear Me,

It only helps for a little while...and even then only takes the edge of the pain away. Stop it, ok?

Me


----------



## lovessbbw (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear abyss,
Since you insist can I at last get a first class seat for this ride?
Sincerely, 
C comes a callin'


----------



## ActionPif (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear User "cold comfort",

MAILER-GAME-ON ERROR----MAIL RETURNED TO SENDER.


<<<ganle[email protected]?????<<<</////>>>

UNKNOWN USER. NISSAN NISSAN NISSAN. Alphaomegaerror 7 IP 7389.544.6.8655.567.584.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<???///////////>>>>>>>>
(_8^(i)

----- Transcript of session follows -----
5e34435.6455.455gh54.565466.2 <[email protected]>... Host unknown (Name server: hkdjffh.com: host not found)


Please, give it another go. MAIL-DAEMON ERROR would really like to see you successfully communicate with your acquaintances. Thanks for your inconvenience.



PS: I have such knackery for being a "hey, you may have messed up your address, you might consider sending it again" thingie!




cold comfort said:


> *dear ganley lincoln-mercury body shop:*
> 
> seriously guys, cracker-jack job on repairing my brand new car. i'm really impressed with all of the cosmetic paint chips you managed to miss, and so PLEASED to have to deal with this accident a month AFTER that jackass decided to throw his car in reverse and roll up onto my hood in a toll booth line.
> 
> ...


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear Stupidbeyondallreason,

It didn't make you feel better, did it? In fact, it made you feel worse, didn't it? DIDN'T IT!?!?! YOU STUPID PILE OF HOG DROPPINGS! GAH! Will you EVER learn?!?! Probably not!

I still love you though. More than you realize at times.

Melanie


----------



## tink977 (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear co-worker, 
I like the effin color black and don't need you to remind me that I wear it quite often. I do it on purpose and I swear that if you say one more thing about it, I will never purchase any other color. I prefer not to dress like a gummy bear at work.

Dear the man I have loved for so long,
I give you so much....you could answer my text message. I don't burden you with very much and I let alot of things go....you could answer the flipping text. Geez!!!!


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Feb 26, 2008)

Dear _____,

Thank you for reminding me once again that I'm not ______. She's already more popular than I can account for, even though as far as I can tell I'm smarter, prettier, wittier, more educated, and have a larger vocabulary. Her boobs are bigger--maybe that's the only thing that's important.

I'm unaccountably jealous of her, and you went and reminded me AGAIN. Yeah, well, we can't all be perfect like her. But thanks for the reminder that I'm inferior no matter what I do. It was really crappy of you to point that out. What's worse, I'm sure you have no idea that it wasn't cool to do that. All I can do is hope you don't do it again.

-Barb


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 26, 2008)

Dear **********,

Please leave me alone! You hurt and I don't like how you rule my life. I've dealt with you for far longer than I care to remember and I'm tired...so very, VERY tired. If it weren't for a promise made, I would have done something about you a LONG time ago. In the meantime, until time takes care of you because I can't, I'll keep doing what I've been doing to deal with you. I don't know of any other way.

I HATE YOU!

please just go away


----------



## Tooz (Feb 26, 2008)

Dear CNN:
Fuck you, Buffalo is NOT the worst place to be today! The weather isn't as bad as you made it seem.

No love,
Cap'n Tooz


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 26, 2008)

Renaissance Woman said:


> Dear _____,
> 
> Thank you for reminding me once again that I'm not ______. She's already more popular than I can account for, even though as far as I can tell I'm smarter, prettier, wittier, more educated, and have a larger vocabulary. Her boobs are bigger--maybe that's the only thing that's important.
> 
> ...



Dear Barb,

(((Hugs)))

Casey


----------



## Fyreflyintheskye (Feb 26, 2008)

Dear Boss, 

You remind me of my Dad. I admire how you make me laugh and how you're strict, but patient with me when I need it. You're a hell of a guy and I'm going to cry like a lost kitten when you retire in a few months. Just thinking about it makes my eyes well up. 

-Shar

~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Dear Snow, 

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?! Truce!!!

-Noreastahedout

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Stylist, 

I know we've only met thrice because I lived in South Shore for six yrs and went into Boston to get it done there, but please don't forget I'm a damned good tipper... because, if you mess up my hair tonight, YOU'LL GET NOTHING! I'll stiff ya, bitch. Oh, I will. 

P.S.: you talk too much. And stop rubbing your groin into my elbow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear myself, 

You're twelve minutes late in leaving work. Why are you still on-line? Go home!


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 26, 2008)

Dear Moron in the Yellow Sports Car-

OK. We get it. You're going through a midlife crisis. You went out and bought yourself a car with more horsepower than you can probably handle. You thought, "Hey, I'm not getting any younger or hotter, I should try and get the ladies with this speedy beast." FYI- you look ridiculous.

Anyways- that does not give you free reign to drive like a stupid 16 yr old kid, weaving in and out of light traffic. OMG, what a freakin badass you are. 

-Annoyed Driver



Dear Gym-
Thanks for being so phenomenal. 
-Samantha


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 28, 2008)

Another letter to another driver...

Dear "Cool" Guy in the "Tricked Out" Blue Honda With A Modified Muffler-

Your car sounds like it's congested. Maybe it needs some Mucinex?? You should really team up with the Moron in the Yellow Sports Car and see who can be the loudest, most obnoxious person on the road. 

- Annoyed Driver


----------



## Ash (Feb 28, 2008)

Dear _______,

Wow. Thanks a whole hell of a lot for that.

Frostily,
Ashley


----------



## Tooz (Feb 28, 2008)

Dear majority of male population:
Can we not be so stupid, please? It should be widely known by now that women DON'T LIKE IT when you say, "hey, see that blonde over there? She's hot." No, it doesn't matter if the girl you're saying this to is YOUR girl or not. It's obnoxious! Also, shave regularly.

Part two:

Dear everyone:
Let's stop bitching each other out.

-Tooz


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 28, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Dear _______,
> 
> Wow. Thanks a whole hell of a lot for that.
> 
> ...



So you didn't like the dead frog as a gift?


----------



## Santaclear (Feb 28, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Dear _______,
> 
> Wow. Thanks a whole hell of a lot for that.
> 
> ...





TheSadeianLinguist said:


> So you didn't like the dead frog as a gift?



Just chiming in to say a dead frog makes a wonderful gift.


----------



## ashmamma84 (Feb 28, 2008)

Dear T,

Please stop it with this apathetic view of life...start being proactive for a change. Life happens everyday; and all you ever, ever have is this moment, so quit being regretful about the past, and worrisome about the future -- it HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET!!! 

It is really starting to take its toll on our friendship. Really. Start being a player in the game of life...instead of idly standing by. I can try to help you, but really, you need to help yourself. 

Ugh!

Firmly and lovingly,
Ash


----------



## butch (Feb 28, 2008)

Dear World,

Might I sing to you for a moment? Here goes:

_Good times for a change 
See, the luck I've had 
Can make a good man 
Turn bad 

So please please please 
Let me, let me, let me 
Let me get what I want 
This time 


Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had 
Can make a good man bad 


So for once in my life 
Let me get what I want 
Lord knows, it would be the first time 
Lord knows, it would be the first time_


Could you maybe help out here, world?

Thanks, 
Me


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Feb 28, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Just chiming in to say a dead frog makes a wonderful gift.



Dear Santaclear,

Apparently we are the only people with good taste left. Best Xmas ever: A plastic grocery sack full of dirty washcloths and a dead frog. Who needs more?

Love,

Casey


----------



## Spanky (Feb 28, 2008)

Dear Snowmobile,

Yea, you. Me and you. Don't eff it up for me. 

Spookster


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 29, 2008)

Dear David and Rachel,

Thanks for the strawberry shake you surprised me with. You guys rock and stuff!

Slaps and gropes,
Melanie


Dear Jim,

Thanks for the hot exsay. I needed it as I was being a bitch. :bow:

Until next time,
Melanie


----------



## A Bolder Boulder FA (Mar 2, 2008)

Dear Superior City PD,

You assholes. I'm sure you're probably bored in such a quiet town like Superior, but how about going and trying to catch some real criminals instead of the kid in the blue Honda Civic sedan who is clearly *not* inebriated - "You been takin' any PREESCREPTION DRUGZ, boy?! You been smokin' any PAWT, BOY?! You been drinkin', boy?!" and just on his way home. To top it off, you called in backup and turned your siren because I wanted to pull off at the nearest safe location (just inside a neighborhood 1 mile ahead) so you wouldn't have to step out into traffic on the shoulder. Next time it's the highway for you. And then you had the audacity to say that you could have gotten me for a failure to yield because I wanted to pull off in safe location? Thanks for my first speeding ticket, really. Get fucked.

Go fuck yourselves,
Bolder Boulder FA


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Mar 2, 2008)

*Dearest Jen,*

He knows.


Cheers,
_Michelle_


----------



## TheSadeianLinguist (Mar 2, 2008)

Dearest posters I don't know from Adam,

Don't be bitchy. I don't know the story. I don't know either party. I don't want to know, but I do judge by the first person to start shit, and so do a number of other people here. Don't fuck yourself over in a great community for an opportunity at a petty dig. 

Casey


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Mar 2, 2008)

Dear Red Bull girls,

Thank you for the free Red Bull this morning. It's like you knew I was hung over and seriously needing a lil' pick-me-up. If it wasn't your job, I'd think you were psychic. :wubu:

Your biggest fan,
Michelle


----------



## Amatrix (Mar 3, 2008)

A Bolder Boulder FA said:


> Dear Superior City PD,
> 
> You assholes. I'm sure you're probably bored in such a quiet town like Superior, but how about going and trying to catch some real criminals instead of the kid in the blue Honda Civic sedan who is clearly *not* inebriated - "You been takin' any PREESCREPTION DRUGZ, boy?! You been smokin' any PAWT, BOY?! You been drinkin', boy?!" and just on his way home. To top it off, you called in backup and turned your siren because I wanted to pull off at the nearest safe location (just inside a neighborhood 1 mile ahead) so you wouldn't have to step out into traffic on the shoulder. Next time it's the highway for you. And then you had the audacity to say that you could have gotten me for a failure to yield because I wanted to pull off in safe location? Thanks for my first speeding ticket, really. Get fucked.
> 
> ...



dear bolder boulder fa
:doh: dont text and drive faster then posted signs. 
whatever you were texting could have waited...
:batting:

hahah but cereally- i am sorry you got your FIRST ever ticket. *cherry popped* 

next time it will be better, cuz i will be there- knocking you into neutral during them dangerous curves. 

fluffy stuff
amatrix


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 3, 2008)

Dear Traffic Gods-
Thanks for all the green lights this morning and getting me to class EXACTLY on time.
-The Speedy Yaris



Dear Texas DPS-
You know, the last time I was screwed like this, I'm pretty sure I got dinner out of it. What the hell, man? I love getting fined for a ticket that's been paid off already.
- The Not So Speedy Yaris


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Mar 3, 2008)

Dear _____,

No one cares what you think...in case you didn't get THAT memo ...yet!

BTW - screw off.

Me


----------



## Tooz (Mar 5, 2008)

Dear State University of New York at Buffalo:
"Students First" is the biggest lie I have ever heard in my life. What the fuck is wrong with you? I got to campus at 10am. TEN AM. My class doesn't begin until 11, but I'll get to that later. It hasn't snowed since the middle of the night. WHY ARE THE PARKING LOTS AND SIDEWALKS ON THE *ENTIRE FRONT OF THE SCHOOL* NOT PLOWED, OR EVEN SALTED? You have no Goddamn excuse, so don't even try. FURTHERMORE, why is there a UB traffic cop DIRECTING ME AWAY FROM THE ONLY OTHER OPEN LOT WITHIN A MILE OF MY BUILDING? What the FUCK. Yeah, I could park in Governors E or whatever it's called, but by the time I ARRIVED AT CLEMENS, ACROSS NORTH CAMPUS, my class would be well underway. I can't believe you shits have the balls to CALL ME AND ASK ME FOR DONATIONS. I haven't even graduated yet, and with your parking this fucked up, I may never do it!


Thanks for helping me miss midterm review, you cock jockeys.

Zero love. I mean Z E R O love,
Tooz

P.S. You owe me the fucking 1/4 tank of gas I burned looking for a place to park. I have to get gas now when I leave the house next.

I hate you.


----------



## CAMellie (Mar 5, 2008)

Dear P,

It's nice that you wanted to hang out with me and stuff...but you gave yourself away with the not-so-subtle 'casual' questions about my sister. 
Being nice to the fat sister isn't gonna get you anywhere, dipshit! SHE...IS...A...LESBIAN! What part of that don't you get? Is there a fellowship of moronic men who think that lesbians are only that way until they meet one of you? "She's only gay because she hasn't had sex with me".  Jaysus on a jumped-up-pony! :doh:
You go on home now and wank to thoughts of her...cause thoughts are the only thing you'll get. 

Seeing right through you,
Melanie


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Mar 5, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> SHE...IS...A...LESBIAN! What part of that don't you get? Is there a fellowship of moronic men who think that lesbians are only that way until they meet one of you? "She's only gay because she hasn't had sex with me".  Jaysus on a jumped-up-pony! :doh:
> You go on home now and wank to thoughts of her...cause thoughts are the only thing you'll get.
> 
> Seeing right through you,
> Melanie


As Kevin Smith says, he already wrote a science fiction story: Chasing Amy. "Because if you ask any lesbian, that's NEVER gonna happen..."


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 10, 2008)

Dear Jack Johnson-
Thanks for creating perfect driving-in-the-rain music.
-Samantha



Dear weird guy in the yellow Jeep.
Did you seriously think I was going to roll my window down to see what you were saying in the downpour this morning? Not to mention, I was driving 65 mph on a freeway. I can't even begin to think of what might be SO important as to risk life and limb to pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth. My gas cap was not open, my lights were fine, nothing was flying off my car, and I did not cut you off.
-The Red Yaris


----------



## Famouslastwords (Mar 10, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear weird guy in the yellow Jeep.
> Did you seriously think I was going to roll my window down to see what you were saying in the downpour this morning? Not to mention, I was driving 65 mph on a freeway. I can't even begin to think of what might be SO important as to risk life and limb to pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth. My gas cap was not open, my lights were fine, nothing was flying off my car, and I did not cut you off.
> -The Red Yaris



Maybe there was a deranged killer in your backseat?


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 10, 2008)

Haha... nope- I checked for those too.


----------



## Mini (Mar 10, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear P,
> 
> It's nice that you wanted to hang out with me and stuff...but you gave yourself away with the not-so-subtle 'casual' questions about my sister.
> Being nice to the fat sister isn't gonna get you anywhere, dipshit! SHE...IS...A...LESBIAN! What part of that don't you get? Is there a fellowship of moronic men who think that lesbians are only that way until they meet one of you? "She's only gay because she hasn't had sex with me".  Jaysus on a jumped-up-pony! :doh:
> ...



Straight women are just lesbians who love cock, so his position is somewhat understandable.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 10, 2008)

Dear evil clown living in my basement. 

I wanna go do my laundry now plzgoawykthxbye.


----------



## elle camino (Mar 10, 2008)

dear this emoticon:



~

i love you. 


-a.


----------



## CAMellie (Mar 10, 2008)

Mini said:


> Straight women are just lesbians who love cock, so his position is somewhat understandable.



So then...what about bi-sexual women? Do we live in some in-between world?


----------



## Wild Zero (Mar 10, 2008)

Dear Tomorrow,
Today went supremely well for me, don't screw it up.


----------



## PamelaLois (Mar 10, 2008)

Dear Leek and Potato Soup:

Thank you for being so freaking delicious and making me very warm and happy on a cold night. I love your leeky goodness, and you are darn healthy to boot! :eat1:


----------



## Amatrix (Mar 11, 2008)

dear mississippi

thanks... really. we needed that.
obama o8 oh yea.


amatrix
one of the few in wyoming.


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Mar 12, 2008)

Dear Reality TV shows,

Stop sucking me in!!! Damn youuuuuuu.

Cheers,
M.


----------



## Wild Zero (Mar 12, 2008)

Wild Zero said:


> Dear Tomorrow,
> Today went supremely well for me, don't screw it up.



Dear yesterday,
Way to ruin everything


----------



## DUBLINDA (Mar 12, 2008)

Dear Dumbass Friend,

Im sick of trying to tell you this all the time without losing my temper but you just keep insisting that you are right but you are not and here is why.

St. Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland and is of the male species, his name can be shortened to St. Pat or St. Paddy but NEVER EVER to St. Patty because that would be the female abbreviation of the name Patricia and I have no clue as to who the fuck she might be but she sure as hell is not the patron Saint of Ireland so St. Patty does not exist. Are you really that stupid that you cannot tell the gender's apart, Seriously how many men do you know called Patty??? Just cop the fuck on to your sense's before I have to knock them back into place!!! 

much anger
Linda


----------



## Amatrix (Mar 12, 2008)

Wild Zero said:


> Dear yesterday,
> Way to ruin everything




dear Wild Zero
i hope it gets better.
cheer up buttercup!


Amatrix


----------



## tink977 (Mar 14, 2008)

Dear Cell Phone Battery,
Why do you lose a bar of charge after only a few text messages or a phone call? I wish you would just stayed charged all day long. It seems you always go out on me when I need you most. You're unreliable and I may need to find another to replace you.

Sincerely, 
Your owner


----------



## tink977 (Mar 14, 2008)

Dear T,
Ask me....I'll say yes.

Love,
Me


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (Mar 16, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear evil clown living in my basement.
> 
> I wanna go do my laundry now plzgoawykthxbye.



Dear rep system,
Why oh why can't I rep BGB again yet? It's really important this time.


----------



## CAMellie (Mar 16, 2008)

Dear Tim,

Thanks SO much for kicking me in the teeth while I was down...but in such a nice, well-worded way. YOU ROCK! 

Not a shelter animal,
Melanie


----------



## Zoner (Mar 16, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear weird guy in the yellow Jeep.
> Did you seriously think I was going to roll my window down to see what you were saying in the downpour this morning? Not to mention, I was driving 65 mph on a freeway. I can't even begin to think of what might be SO important as to risk life and limb to pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth. My gas cap was not open, my lights were fine, nothing was flying off my car, and I did not cut you off.
> -The Red Yaris



Dear Sam in the red Yaris,
My sincerest apologies. It won't happen again. Well, at least not until it rains again.
- Creepy Jeeper


----------



## CandySmooch (Mar 16, 2008)

Dear Big Toes,

Please heal quickly from surgery.......the Dr. said where whatever shoes are comfortable.......well that would be none, nada, zilch, for you guys are still hurting me after I've had the problem fixed. I didn't realize it'd be a 2 week open wound I'd have to care for, but fingers crossed after you heal, you'll never cause me pain again. Fuck you big toe nails for not growing straight & flat like you are supposed to and Fuck you Dr. Martin for telling me foot soaks will heal my chronic problem, you bastard! And thank you Dr. Bondi for being a specialist and addressing my concerns as a Dr. should instead of pushing my thoughts aside as if foot soaks would be a permanent solution to permanent problem.

Me


----------



## CandySmooch (Mar 16, 2008)

Dear homeade Sweet & Sour Meatballs,

Wow, I feel like Rachel Ray......I must share the recipe I tweaked on a whim and actually had it turn out fan-freakin-tastic! Normally anything creative I try turns out like shit.

Sweet & Sour Sauce
1 jar grape jelly
1 jar chili sauce
1/2 c KC Masterpiece Bold & Spicy BBQ sauce
1/4 c ketchup
2 tbs Soy sauce

I fried the meatballs until they were crispy, then placed them in the crockpot. Simmered the sauce until it boiled and dumped over meatballs & cooked on high for one hour. I ate it w/ whole grain brown rice.

I will enjoy you as leftovers. Thanks again for actually being quite tasty!

Chef Wannabe


----------



## SuperMishe (Mar 16, 2008)

Dear Boss,

You're coming back from vacation tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be more tired and stressed than when you left, as sleepless nights of drinking and gambling tend to do that to a person. But can you please PLEASE try to be productive. It's been great without you but now there are tons of things that need you approval and things you need to deal with. No avoiding or passing the buck - I'm begging you... Please take care of the attendance issues, the evaluations, and the applications I need you to review.

Thanks
Your frustarated employee

Dear Tummy - settle down please, you're making me nauseus... umm... nauseas.. umm.. nawshus... umm - not feel good!


----------



## Paquito (Mar 16, 2008)

Dear Me,
Why have you been so pretentious and depressed lately? What is with all the negativity and self-pity? You were never like that, always so confident and cool. But now you second guess and degrade yourself, believing you aren't worth anything you have and trying to sabatoge your friendships.Why do you insist that your friends don't like you or you aren't worthy of them? What has happened?
Me


Dear Paula Abdul,
WTF? honestly
that is all


Dear Clay Aiken,
please, for the love of all things in this world, man up and come put of the closet!!! yeesh


----------



## AnnMarie (Mar 16, 2008)

CandySmooch said:


> Dear Big Toes,
> 
> Please heal quickly from surgery.......the Dr. said where whatever shoes are comfortable.......well that would be none, nada, zilch, for you guys are still hurting me after I've had the problem fixed. I didn't realize it'd be a 2 week open wound I'd have to care for, but fingers crossed after you heal, you'll never cause me pain again. Fuck you big toe nails for not growing straight & flat like you are supposed to and Fuck you Dr. Martin for telling me foot soaks will heal my chronic problem, you bastard! And thank you Dr. Bondi for being a specialist and addressing my concerns as a Dr. should instead of pushing my thoughts aside as if foot soaks would be a permanent solution to permanent problem.
> 
> Me



Dear Candy, 

I had that surgery when I was 12 - worked like a charm. And wearing shoes is nuts to me... hahaha, they had to do one foot at a time and I was in a walking boot after each time for weeks. 

Good luck!!
AnnMarie


----------



## Mathias (Mar 16, 2008)

Dear ____,

Get over it.

-Matt


----------



## CandySmooch (Mar 17, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> Dear Candy,
> 
> I had that surgery when I was 12 - worked like a charm. And wearing shoes is nuts to me... hahaha, they had to do one foot at a time and I was in a walking boot after each time for weeks.
> 
> ...



Dear AnnMarie,

Thanks so much, I was in horrible pain previous to the surgery, but even the healing from the surgery is less pain than what I was in previously. I wish I had those walking boots because I have no idea how "wear whatever shoes are comfortable for you" is even a feesible idea after this trauma to your piggies. I'm lucky to get into work with my shoes on then I've been taking them off and wearing just socks at work. Thanks again!

Smooch


----------



## AnnMarie (Mar 17, 2008)

CandySmooch said:


> Dear AnnMarie,
> 
> Thanks so much, I was in horrible pain previous to the surgery, but even the healing from the surgery is less pain than what I was in previously. I wish I had those walking boots because I have no idea how "wear whatever shoes are comfortable for you" is even a feesible idea after this trauma to your piggies. I'm lucky to get into work with my shoes on then I've been taking them off and wearing just socks at work. Thanks again!
> 
> Smooch



I don't know how close you are to healed up, but here's a pretty affordable variety.... you just wear a sock over the toes/bandages. 

http://www.betterbraces.com/ViewProducts/DonJoyPost-OpShoe/118.aspx


----------



## CandySmooch (Mar 17, 2008)

AnnMarie said:


> I don't know how close you are to healed up, but here's a pretty affordable variety.... you just wear a sock over the toes/bandages.
> 
> http://www.betterbraces.com/ViewProducts/DonJoyPost-OpShoe/118.aspx




I totally wish I would have found these before, I'm 5 days recovering and better everyday so I'll pass this time, but good to know. 

Ok we'll be nice and stop hi-jacking.


Dear Mr. Hershey,

OH bless you for making the gooy chocolate that always lifts my spirits. In fact everytime I see a new variety of a Hershey Kiss, it makes me want to kiss the stranger next to me. I'm currently enjoying your Coconut Cream & Vanilla Creme varietys, it just totally sucks I'm going to have to wait until next year to get my favorite white chocolate Candy Cane variety. Boo. Love you anyway Hershey......I do believe I need to name a dog after you or maybe my poonanny, but defiantely something special after all you give me.

Love, Smooch


----------



## CAMellie (Mar 18, 2008)

Dear Sidney,

You were one of the most wonderful dogs I have ever had the pleasure to know. You were my "nephew" and I was your "auntie". You were loyal, sweet, endearing, funny, and fiercely protective of those you included in your inner circle. I feel lucky to have been one of those people.
You didn't deserve to have your life cut so short...you were only 6. You've left an emptiness in my life that I know will never be filled. I love you, nephew. I'm glad it doesn't hurt anymore. 
View attachment 0307081258[1].JPG


R.I.P. Sidney


Dear Dawn and Aimee,

I know how much Sid meant to the both of you. I wish I had a magic wand to wave and take away all the hurt you're feeling right now. Just remember that he'll always be in your hearts. You made the right decision. He was hurting.


----------



## snuggletiger (Mar 18, 2008)

Dear Whomever is in Control of the Great Whatever,
Sorry to hear about CAMellie's nephew Sidney, cute doggie. He should get lots of extra treats.
Bummer about Smooch's feet. But at least you got her a good doc. 
My question of the day is why does my boss have to be a mealy mouth hypocritical weasel. Bad enough I have the charity case. But a weasel too?. Did I step on some gecko or ant that was your best friend? and if so shouldn't he have had a sign that said "I AM THE WHOMEVER IS IN CONTROL OF THE GREAT WHATEVER'S BEST FRIEND"?
thanks for letting gingerale taste great and for there being cookies and other yummy food.
BTW if you can do something about gas prices I won't be the only happy one.

Your pal
snuggletiger.


----------



## LalaCity (Mar 18, 2008)

Dear Dolphins,

I am sorry that that we do unspeakable things to you...we poison your home, exploit you mercilessly, cause you pain...

We probably don't deserve to share this planet with you.

Please know that so many of us think that you are incomparably beautiful beings...and likely smarter than us, too!

Love,

Lala


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 18, 2008)

Dear Woman I Babysit For-
I've been babysitting your 2 kids for over a year now. Your daughter is the sweetest thing and never gives me problems. But I don't know what the deal with your son is. He's progressively become more and more disrespectful. He's only 8- imagine how bad he'll be when he's a teenager! I really don't like being seen as the mean babysitter, but I am about an inch away from quitting. You might also want to talk to him about how different people belong to different religions. He gave me a 10 minute lecture on why I should believe in Jesus. How is THAT for an awkward car ride?
Thanks a bunch.
Sam/The Babysitter/"A Jewish" (as the kid put it)


Dear weather-
I usually LOVE rain, but could ya clear up just a smidgen? It's spring break but I have no plans- I would at least like to LOOK like I went somewhere exciting and fun. Some sunshine would be greatly appreciated.
-Sunless Samantha


----------



## ashmamma84 (Mar 18, 2008)

Dear Sunless Samantha,

I second your request of the weather. Rain - go away. 


Ash


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Mar 18, 2008)

Dear Calabria song,

Please stop playing over and over again in my head. I look like an idiot as I attempt to describe (to people) which song I'm talking about and the only part I am able to sing is, "Woop woop!"

Thanks,
Michelle



Dear stupid boys,

You are still stupid -- but I love you anyway.

-Michelle



Dearest St. Patty's Day,

I am so very sorry that I could not come out and participate in your festivities this year, but I was there in spirit. You are still my favourite day by far. I'll make up for it next year, I promise.

Love always,
Me



Dear Las Vegas,

I'm counting down the days... 43 to be exact. See you soon.

Ttfn,
Michelle



Dear greasy-haired drunk guy who's missing many teeth,

Please stop lingering at my work place. I assume you are probably lonely but I really don't want to talk to you nor do I have the time. Yes, you mean well and are polite but I don't care about the different drugs you've tried, or how much money you claim to have stashed away. Do not attempt to ask me out -- I am certainly not interested and I never will be. Do yourself a favour: Please sober up, take a bath and see a dentist (soon). 

Sincerely,
The girl you are creeping out.


----------



## Amatrix (Mar 20, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear Woman I Babysit For-
> I've been babysitting your 2 kids for over a year now. Your daughter is the sweetest thing and never gives me problems. But I don't know what the deal with your son is. He's progressively become more and more disrespectful. He's only 8- imagine how bad he'll be when he's a teenager! I really don't like being seen as the mean babysitter, but I am about an inch away from quitting. You might also want to talk to him about how different people belong to different religions. He gave me a 10 minute lecture on why I should believe in Jesus. How is THAT for an awkward car ride?
> Thanks a bunch.
> Sam/The Babysitter/"A Jewish" (as the kid put it)



dear Sam

I'm sorry. i know what thats like... i have to explain how i needed spring equinox off for my religion, as a Wiccan. and my boss was like... "so YOUR making up this religion to have a day off?"

It is very rough to try and explain to a room of people * 28, and also counting the gentleman who was showing us the new products* the justification of your faith as she insisted asking the whole staff at the last meeting if they had ever heard of a Wiccan.needless to say some people are understanding and some you just cant get past their "wall."

Now everyone thinks I am in a Satanic Cult.  no really... i get little pamphlets on how Jesus will save me from the fiery pits of hell in my locker and jacket.i love people until they press their religion onto me, at work... :doh:

much respect.
Amatrix


dear butt...
i love you... and that man who ran into the wall at work when he looked past the eyes, and pigtails at you -totally deserved it. without you my hips i would look insane and i would probably fall over... well more then i do already. 

hearts and stars
amatrix


dear blond ambition

ewww. creeps suck! major.
avoid eye contact, strung out on drugs random cash stash dude sounds super suspect! have someone walk you to your car or something.

sorry, im kinda paranoid about that stuff!
amatrix


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 20, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> dear Sam
> 
> I'm sorry. i know what thats like... i have to explain how i needed spring equinox off for my religion, as a Wiccan. and my boss was like... "so YOUR making up this religion to have a day off?"
> 
> ...




Dear Amatrix-
Stupid people suck.  I'm glad I'm not alone in this sentiment. 
-Sam


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Mar 21, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> dear blond ambition
> 
> ewww. creeps suck! major.
> avoid eye contact, strung out on drugs random cash stash dude sounds super suspect! have someone walk you to your car or something.
> ...



No worries, my staff has been quite good about that.
Thanks though!

M.


----------



## Surlysomething (Mar 22, 2008)

Dear me

You're strange.

You drive out of your way to get balloons for the boy then you again drive out of your way to stop at the dollar store because you're a cheap ass and don't want to spend too much money on wrapping paper.

THEN

you drive to an expensive mall and drop $22.50 on Godiva's for your niece for Easter.

Check your head, lady.

Haha.


----------



## Paquito (Mar 22, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> dear Sam
> 
> I'm sorry. i know what thats like... i have to explain how i needed spring equinox off for my religion, as a Wiccan. and my boss was like... "so YOUR making up this religion to have a day off?"
> 
> ...



Dear Amatrix-
I know that feeling, since all my friends are Christian (though some of them like to be promiscous and drink alot:the hypocrisy of my friends astounds me sometimes) and I' Agnostic, they love to try to force their religion on me. Fun times. Like when they quote scriptures to me, have religious debates, tell me I'm going to hell if I don't get "saved", pretty much stopping just short of exorcising me.

Why must people piss me off?


----------



## AnnMarie (Mar 22, 2008)

free2beme04 said:


> Like when they quote scriptures to me, have religious debates, tell me I'm going to hell if I don't get "saved", pretty much stopping just short of exorcising me.



Dear Free, 

That's _way_ beyond just "Christian".

AnnMarie


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Mar 22, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> It is very rough to try and explain to a room of people * 28, and also counting the gentleman who was showing us the new products* the justification of your faith as she insisted asking the whole staff at the last meeting if they had ever heard of a Wiccan.needless to say some people are understanding and some you just cant get past their "wall."
> 
> Now everyone thinks I am in a Satanic Cult.  no really... i get little pamphlets on how Jesus will save me from the fiery pits of hell in my locker and jacket.i love people until they press their religion onto me, at work... :doh:
> 
> ...


Well, I took my oldest to an egg hunt sponsored by a local church; which I wasn't aware of until I signed me and the boy in; methinks I secretly signed up for a mailing list.

Either way, they corral the kids and parents into a 'launch area' where they hold everyone while their helpers put out new eggs onto the field (it's an indoor soccer arena, very nice since it was 40 degrees out).

We were treated to a 10 minute spiel from the church to draw in new members. First the kids were treated to an interpretive dance to some Christian dance tune, then we got to see some puppets and a sad sack in a pink hippo costume dance to horrible versions of popular music. To wit:

"Walk Like a Good Christian" (the Bangles)
"Christian Rhapsody" (Freddy Mercury shudders in his grave)
"Come On Let's Praise" (I'm sure the C&C in C&C Music Factory doesn't stand for Church and Christ)

The pastor finished up with his 'reason for the season' speech and that aside from the blasphemous aspect of the Easter Bunny in their little cavalcade of worship, we should really REALLY check out his church.

Then he involuntary had us all saved with their little prayer that they do (Jesus come into my soul, don't get it in my hair, etc.). Although my son had a good time with the egg hunt, rides and face painting, I could have done without the 20 minute Christian Youth indoctrination ceremony. I guess you have to look at it as another version of TANSTAAFL (there ain't no such thing as a free lunch)

To my son's credit, he looked over at me and gave me a WTF look when the music came on and was similarly surprised that yes, pandas can be bright chick yellow. I took the opportunity to introduce him to the 11th commandment which is "Thou shalt not desecrate the classics."


----------



## Paquito (Mar 22, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> I took the opportunity to introduce him to the 11th commandment which is "Thou shalt not desecrate the classics."



I can give an Amen to that one


----------



## Amatrix (Mar 23, 2008)

free2beme04 said:


> Dear Amatrix-
> I know that feeling, since all my friends are Christian (though some of them like to be promiscous and drink alot:the hypocrisy of my friends astounds me sometimes) and I' Agnostic, they love to try to force their religion on me. Fun times. Like when they quote scriptures to me, have religious debates, tell me I'm going to hell if I don't get "saved", pretty much stopping just short of exorcising me.
> 
> Why must people piss me off?



dear freetobeme04

im pretty sure they see how awesome you are, thats why they are your friends. 
and i think most Christians are kinda cool. i like to debate with them in peaceful manners and explain to them about where i am coming from.

*insert many Christian ideas about easter *fertility*, actually stemming from wiccan religion, or pagans long ago.also of course halloween, and christmas*the birth of a new god*, and even thanksgiving*harvest... hello?*

i know sam and i arent alone in this odd war.and dont worry, if there is a hell you wont be alone... !!im sorry they piss you off.really i am.

thanks so much for reminding me agnostic people are awesome too! 

hearts and stars
Amatrix

ps i just now wear my pendant on my shirt at work, and make paper airplanes out of the religious papers i get. i am getting enough i might make some art with it!


----------



## Amatrix (Mar 23, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Well, I took my oldest to an egg hunt sponsored by a local church; which I wasn't aware of until I signed me and the boy in; methinks I secretly signed up for a mailing list.
> 
> Either way, they corral the kids and parents into a 'launch area' where they hold everyone while their helpers put out new eggs onto the field (it's an indoor soccer arena, very nice since it was 40 degrees out).
> 
> ...



dear admiral snackbar
hahahaah

hahaahahahaaha!!!

and once again.... ahaahaahaahaah!!!!

this kinda made me laugh until my tummy hurt. i kinda missed your witty sarcasm, and your lovely face... maybe even your computer toned musk a bit.

anyways...
similar thing happened to me... took my oldest godchild to a "free" easter egg hunt. you get to watch the kids run around in this large area and pick up eggs.

then they crack the little plastic things open, read their number and collect a door prize.i witnessed one of the more religious leaders of our small towns youngest son push her over, and then take 5 of her eggs as they fell out of her basket. with tears in her eyes i explained that it was okay... because he clearly felt that he needed more then others, and karma would come after him.

so after she got her small treasures, and had a picture taken with an easter bunny... which ended up costing me 20 dollars... we were leaving and were stopped by some more of the congregation.

"donate to Christians save all the children of the world! and god will smile kindly upon thee..." and so on. i have nothing against giving to charity, but i know for a fact that i don't believe in the way those certain charities actually handle their affairs. i was called ungodly, and they said they had invited us because i was a missing member of their flock. strapping the child into the car, i turned and told them how i felt.

the news paper blasted a free easter egg hunt with a easter bunny. i explained how Wiccans have been around longer and how the story of eggs and hunting for them actually came about. the story of the Goddess who was given a beautiful bright egg as a present from a Hare.about how i donated money at the gate, even though i didn't have to. i told them about how i paid for a picture with the stuffed animal in a chair with my god daughter, and how i saw a boy push her down and take from her. no one stopped him, they laughed and said he was just excited. they frowned, and turned their backs to me.saying how my child was as damned as i was. these people, i found out later where the same ones who told me when i went to a church meeting that i would go to hell as well because my daddy committed suicide and my mother was clearly the whore/Jezebel- because she was moving on with her life and remarrying.

these are the same people who picket the solders grave sites who have died in the war, and the same ones who stood out side and cried when the men who were convicted of Mathew Sheppard's death were sentenced.

i have nothing against Christians. most of them are amazing smart people and share the idea that love is love is love.but pressing me into a corner, taking money from me, then badgering me until i am sick to my stomach IN PUBLIC... :doh:

and oh yes... the come jebus into mah soulz! don gets it in mah hare...plzkthnx made me laugh.

and the fact that they did that to Freddy... SHAME! SHAME SHAME.

you my dear sir witnessed hell, im pretty sure of it. just glad your son understands and has his wits about him.
and the dancing bright yellow panda, pink hippo *because nothing says the coming of jesus like bright dancing animals!!!* and slaughter of some amazing music whilst being saved unbeknown to yourselves... sure it wasn't an acid flash back? just kidding.:bow:


----------



## Famouslastwords (Mar 26, 2008)

Dear God,

Let me win the lottery tonight, or sometime in the near future and I promise I won't blow it all on stupid crap. Why do the smart people never win the lottery?

Signed

You know who gosh darnit.


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 26, 2008)

Dear Clinical Paperwork-

You're pointless and I hate you.

-Samantha



Dear laundry-

Go fold yourself.

-Samantha


----------



## LoveBHMS (Mar 26, 2008)

Dear Candlelight Version of "Heaven"

Just because you are played at the end of a really good episode of "Cold Case" doesn't mean you have to stick in my fucking head all day. Go away. Please.

L.

P.S. Same goes for nearly any song played in a "Cold Case" ending, up to and including "One of Us"


----------



## CAMellie (Mar 26, 2008)

Dear Purple Cleanser & Degreaser,

Your name is cute and you work absolute WONDERS on the jobs I have to do, but could you do me a little favor? Pretty please? Just for me?

STOP EATING THROUGH THE GLOVES...AND THEN MY FLESH!!!!!

Other than that, you rock!

Love,
Melanie


----------



## Mathias (Mar 27, 2008)

Dear Matt


Stop staying up all night! Just because you can get away with falling asleep in your 9:40 Am Math class doesn't mean you should! The same goes for your 7:15 P.M English class.

-Your Brain


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Mar 27, 2008)

Dear world,

hold on tight


----------



## CAMellie (Mar 27, 2008)

Dear S,

I'm so very sorry. It HAD to end. I wish you nothing but happiness, joy, and success. I'll always love ya.

Melanie


----------



## Tooz (Mar 27, 2008)

Dear people in general:
Some of you are really fucking annoying.

Die in a fire that I started. 

-Tooz

Dear OTHER people in general:
You are not annoying! Keep not being annoying. I like it.

-Tooz


----------



## Ash (Mar 27, 2008)

Tooz said:


> Dear people in general:
> Some of you are really fucking annoying.
> 
> Die in a fire that I started.
> ...



Dear Tooz,

Am I people or OTHER people?

-Ashley


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Mar 27, 2008)

Dear _______,

"No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today"

Just sayin'
Nancy


----------



## Shala (Mar 27, 2008)

Dear Diverticulosis,

Damn you all to hell! We have been together since 2005 and I have done nothing but bow to your every wish and demand. I played by the rules and you still insist on fucking me over. You have diseased me and pushed me past the point of co-habitating and now the doctor says you have to go. Unfortunately, the only way to do that is if you take part of my colon with you. You bastard. I hate you.

Fuck off,

Shala

Dear Doctors,

Ok....let's do it.

This won't get me down.

Thanks,

Shala


----------



## Tooz (Mar 27, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Dear Tooz,
> 
> Am I people or OTHER people?
> 
> -Ashley



Dear Hot and Sexy Mama:

Yes.

Love,
Tooz


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 27, 2008)

Dear small child who snatched my cupcake whilst I was at lunch, 

A few things to consider 

1. That cupcake had a J on it, written in icing. My first name begins with a J and everyone knows that cupcakes with letters written on them that coincide with first names are the most delicious. Your first name is begins with an M. Not even in the same realm. I hate you.

2. You didn't even eat it, you tossed it onto the floor, you've ruined it. I guess I could've scraped the frosting off with a napkin, but what is the point? WASTEFUL.

3. I had been eyeballing that cupcake since I took it from the hallway this morning. It was the only one left. It said J on it. How could you?

Enjoy your Lazytown while you can,

J.


----------



## Blackjack (Mar 27, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear small child who snatched my cupcake whilst I was at lunch,
> 
> A few things to consider
> 
> ...



I say you shoulda made the kid eat it off the floor.

But I also don't like children, so take that into consideration when taking my idea into consideration.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 27, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> I say you shoulda made the kid eat it off the floor.
> 
> But I also don't like children, so take that into consideration when taking my idea into consideration.



Even better. I made him make me a new one. From scratch. 5yr olds + ovens = 3rd degree burns FTW.


----------



## Blackjack (Mar 27, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Even better. I made him make me a new one. From scratch. 5yr olds + ovens = 3rd degree burns FTW.



I like the way you think.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 27, 2008)




----------



## Shala (Mar 27, 2008)

Dear Diver(again),

Thanks for more than likely fucking up my Disney World trip. Mickey is gonna be so pissed. (Not as pissed as me though).

Hatefully yours,

Shala


----------



## Mathias (Mar 27, 2008)

Dear English Rough Draft,

Please die now. You've made my life hell for the past 36 hours.

-Matt


----------



## Famouslastwords (Mar 31, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear small child who snatched my cupcake whilst I was at lunch,
> 
> A few things to consider
> 
> 1. That cupcake had a J on it, written in icing. My first name begins with a J and everyone knows that cupcakes with letters written on them that coincide with first names are the most delicious. Your first name is begins with an M. Not even in the same realm. I hate you.



LOL

Dear old guy who gave me a nasty look as I parked in the handicap space,
Yes, you're old...and if I hadn't already parked there first I would have let you have it, but I have a legitimately bad ankle so don't give me that nasty look you!

Thanks,
The gimp who walks alright.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Mar 31, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> I say you shoulda made the kid eat it off the floor.
> 
> But I also don't like children, so take that into consideration when taking my idea into consideration.


 If I'd have caught my son eating the cupcake, I'd have made him wear it, then apologize for being so inconsiderate and rude.

Props for the Lazytown quote. It is definitely one of those shows that, if I were the drug-taking sort, would require drugs to fully enjoy. Plus that cake baking song is hella addictive.


----------



## bmann0413 (Mar 31, 2008)

Dear myself

I think that you might have a split personality...

Totally concerned,
your other half


----------



## CAMellie (Mar 31, 2008)

Dear A,

Thanks for not wanting more from me than I can give right now. You rock and I'm having a blast!

*smooches*


Dear Me,

You can do this! Lots of people go back to college at your age...and MUCH older! Get over your panic attacks and LET'S...DO...THIS! A will be there to support you...he said so.

Love,
Me


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 31, 2008)

Mellie - when I thought I was too old for college, and I said "But I'll be 28 when I graduate!" , someone (in a rare moment of wisdom) said to me "And how old will you be in four years if you don't graduate?"

It's so true. Four years is going to be four years - better to be looking at a degree on your wall at the end of those four years. Take the plunge - you won't regret it!


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Apr 2, 2008)

Dear Term Paper,

I wish you could write yourself.

Cheers,
Michelle


----------



## ParliamentofOwls (Apr 2, 2008)

Dear all of you writing to your homework,

Thank you for reminding me about my stack that will only grow while the internet still exists. I would be a lot more intelligent if I were born 100 years ago.

sincerely,
Marnooooooo


----------



## BigCutieSasha (Apr 2, 2008)

Dear SouthWest Trains-

You are the scum of the earth. Your customer service takes pride in making your customers feel like trash by calling them liars! Your employee gave us information that was not to your liking or "rules" and so now you are pissed that you will have to give us back our 74 pounds.
We had tickets for the 8 o'clock train and we asked if we could get on the 7 o'clock instead. We were told yes as long as there is room. The train was fucking EMPTY! Yet your nazi of a ticket guard on that train decided to tell us it didn't matter, there's no way someone would have told us that and we had to pay 74 pounds extra ON TOP of what we paid for our original tickets.
And miss Customer service telling me I am lying and that no one would tell me we could do that should be FIRED! I have NEVER been treated with more disrespect in my life. Telling me I am lucky we didn't get a fine. Fuck you lady. We had tickets in hand! We weren't sneaking on a train trying to be a bum. 
Fuck you on your high horse thinking you can fuck with the little people. You say your going to interview the guard we talked to but you really think he's going to get himself in trouble to save our asses? Hell no. Get real. 
If I ever hear your voice again and see you in the streets I will give you a royal beat down. You are not better than me. I hope you car gets crushed with your wallet and you have to bum a ride on a train home and you get a damn ticket you rude bitch.

Sincerely-
One seriously pissed off American


----------



## Ben from England (Apr 2, 2008)

BigCutieSasha said:


> Dear SouthWest Trains-
> 
> You are the scum of the earth. Your customer service takes pride in making your customers feel like trash by calling them liars! Your employee gave us information that was not to your liking or "rules" and so now you are pissed that you will have to give us back our 74 pounds.
> We had tickets for the 8 o'clock train and we asked if we could get on the 7 o'clock instead. We were told yes as long as there is room. The train was fucking EMPTY! Yet your nazi of a ticket guard on that train decided to tell us it didn't matter, there's no way someone would have told us that and we had to pay 74 pounds extra ON TOP of what we paid for our original tickets.
> ...



As a life long user of South West Trains, I would like to reiterate. 

Fuck YOU mr Nazi Ticket Collector.
Fuck YOU miss lobotomy case customer service. 
Fuck YOU constantly rising ticket prices. 

...and as a patron of National Express coach service, which you've gotta be a masochist to submit yourself to anyway. 

Fuck YOU mr napoleon bus driver. 
Fuck YOU bus, you're always late, unless I am, then you're early. 
Fuck YOU mr smells-like-shit-sat-next-to-me. A five hour coach trip is bad enough, without you're odour further tempting me to just take a running leap out of the fire door. 
Most of all, fuck YOU mr toilet designer. I feel like I'm in Alice in Wonderland and have eaten a grow-giant mushroom. How, HOW is that meant to be maneuverable for anyone? The designer must be some contortionist, stick thin midget. There's no way I'm sitting down on those toilets, and whenever I even attempt to pee I come out with patterned jeans as apparently the bus driver thinks he's in a Jason effing Bourne car chase. The one time I do sit down and do what God cruelly demands, I finish to find there's no toilet paper. And I have to pump that stupid button to make water come out the tap. And the locks don't work so I have to keep one arm against the door. 

Regards,
One seriously pissed off Brit


----------



## swamptoad (Apr 2, 2008)

Dear headache,

Thanks for going away and not dilly-dallying about it.

Belatedly,
Me


----------



## BigCutieSasha (Apr 2, 2008)

Ben from England said:


> As a life long user of South West Trains, I would like to reiterate.
> 
> Fuck YOU mr Nazi Ticket Collector.
> Fuck YOU miss lobotomy case customer service.
> ...



I seriously <3 you Ben. lol


----------



## Butterbelly (Apr 2, 2008)

Dear Old Boss,

Listen...don't play innocent with me. I know you totally fucked me over because you knew that I knew you were taking money from the company. It's okay that you let me go...you did me a huge favor, but you've got a big big big surprise coming because you're being investigated for fraud and embezzlement...so who is going to look like the idiot now? Karma...it's a bitch 

Signed,
Your Happy Ex-Employee


----------



## Paquito (Apr 2, 2008)

Dear Karma, 
Why do you take so long to exact your sweet, delicious brand of revenge? I need some people to get got right now, ya hear? Seriously, I got some mofos that need to be taken care of ahora! 

A fan,
free


----------



## sweet&fat (Apr 2, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear A,
> 
> Dear Me,
> 
> ...



My mom just graduated from college, and she's much older than you are! She was very successful but wanted to get her BA for herself. She loved it, it was hard work, and she's very glad she did it!!!


----------



## Amatrix (Apr 3, 2008)

dear mazzy star

thank you for the amazing music. best with jolly ranchers.

:wubu:

amatrix


----------



## love dubh (Apr 3, 2008)

Dear critique of an epidemiological study that is worth 30% of my grade,

Die in a fire.

-Me.

Dear asshole who almost broke my toes by loading a bar with 50lb weights on an insecure bench,

Die in a fire.

-Me.

Dear Twinnings,

Don't die in a fire.

-Me.


----------



## BlondeAmbition (Apr 4, 2008)

ParliamentofOwls said:


> Dear all of you writing to your homework,
> 
> Thank you for reminding me about my stack that will only grow while the internet still exists. I would be a lot more intelligent if I were born 100 years ago.
> 
> ...



Anytime *Marnooooooo*.


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Apr 4, 2008)

Butterbelly said:


> Dear Old Boss,
> 
> Listen...don't play innocent with me. I know you totally fucked me over because you knew that I knew you were taking money from the company. It's okay that you let me go...you did me a huge favor, but you've got a big big big surprise coming because you're being investigated for fraud and embezzlement...so who is going to look like the idiot now? Karma...it's a bitch
> 
> ...



OMG did we work for the same company??? wow


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Apr 4, 2008)

Dear 3675 yr old behind the wheel who doesn't know enough to 'lay down' driver,

WHO told you that aiming a 2 ton vehicle at people and being oblivious to your surroundings was in your best interest? You need to TURN YOUR HEAD when you back up and look to the side when attempting to turn!! Maybe it's time to turn in your 100 year old drivers license to guarantee the safety of everyone anywhere near your sorry ass....and when someone is blowing their horn it isn't a wedding party passing by you moron!!! PARK THE DAMNED CAR, YOU ARE A MENACE TO THE DRIVING WORLD!!!

Sincerely, me


----------



## love dubh (Apr 8, 2008)

Dear PHL class,

DIE IN A FIRE. You are THE WORST course at this university. When I enrolled, I expected public health literature - you know, _How the Other Half Lives_, _The Jungle_, seminal docs like the Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906, etc. 

But NOOooo...not in the cards, eh?

If I wanted to learn BUSINESS WRITING, I would have taken a BIZ WRITING course. If I wanted a class where the teacher cancels the one 3-hour class a week, I would've taken....well, I wouldn't have taken THAT class because I obviously would be wasting my time. If I wanted a class where the teacher never follows the syllabus, I would have taken a Philosophy class or something.

DIE IN A FIRE,
Me.


----------



## Catkin (Apr 14, 2008)

Dear people that designed our university computer system,

I FUCKING HATE YOU. I have been sat here for an hour and a half, trying to log on so that I can choose some modules for next year. That's one hour, spent refreshing one webpage. ARGH! And now you're telling me that my account is still locked? Piss off. I made sure that it was unlocked; I have the email telling me that it was sorted at about...9.40am. That's nearly two hours ago, idiots.

I don't even know anyone that's managed to complete their module choices yet. Oh, and reeeeally clever making it so everyone with capped modules could do it at the same time. That's all the history and english students at least. That's about 500 people, all trying to do the same thing at the same time - no-one was going to wait and try later.

- One royally fucked off student.


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 14, 2008)

Dear Me,

Quit being so damned impatient, ok? It will happen when it happens. Dumbass!

Frustrated with you errr me,
Melanie


----------



## Wild Zero (Apr 14, 2008)

Dear backpack,

You reek of dank. I thought you sat on my bedroom floor all weekend, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WHEN I'M NOT AROUND!?


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Apr 14, 2008)

Dear pathetic people who NEVER take responsibility for themselves....

How SIMPLE it is to blame EVERYONE else. GROW UP.

Communication - not "I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, THE UNIVERSE IS ALL ABOUT ME ME ME" is NOT the key to resolving your lifelong issues...and the people you THINK are responsible for facilitating bad things in your life cannot possibly make it RIGHT if they don't even have a CLUE that things were BAD in your life WHEN they were bad.

DUH.

We are NOT mindreaders...did you EVER stop to think that we were dealing with crazy shit stuff in our OWN lives????????????????

Aparently not.

Signed, always to blame.


----------



## SMA413 (Apr 23, 2008)

Dear R-
You are a male version of a cocktease. 
-Samantha


Dear Upcoming Exam and Final-
Please don't conspire against me next week. 
kthanks
-Samantha

Dear Pick Up Truck Drivers of Texas-
I understand you love your big ol' pick up trucks... but I'm pretty sure not EVERYONE loves them. Especially when you park like an idiot and your dualies make you take up two spots. Oh, and by the way, see that yellow paint on the parking spots? It says, "COMPACT". I don't know what screwed up world you live in, but that tank you drive is pretty much the complete polar opposite of "compact".
-An ACTUAL compact car driver


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 24, 2008)

Dear --,

I'm looking forward to you not being around far more than I expected. I think being apart will give me the time and space I need to tell you I've had enough.

It was fun while it lasted,
Me


----------



## bmann0413 (Apr 24, 2008)

Dear <name withheld>,

You need to make sure you talk to people more. You'd have more friends that way.

Lloyd


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Apr 24, 2008)

Dear soulless corporation I work for:

You've had to reorganize under bankruptcy once before, but you obviously didn't learn anything the first time. You continue to make stupid, wasteful decisions that benefit no one in the long run. This ship is sinking, I just hope I find a new job before it goes under all the way.


----------



## PamelaLois (Apr 24, 2008)

Dear Deckhands and Captains of the F/V's Northwestern, Time Bandit, Cornelia Marie, Early Dawn, Wizard, and the rest:

Thank you for making my job look like a freaking piece of cake compared to yours. I will never never NEVER again complain about the price of crab legs. Oh yeah, and thanks for letting Discovery Channel film you all winter, you guys make Tuesday nights interesting.


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 24, 2008)

Dear asshole in-laws,

It must be nice to ignore your mother/grandmother until there's something you need. It must be nice to repeatedly shove the fact that I'm not a blood relative in my face whenever you're feeling guilty about neglecting her. You conveniently forget that I live with her and so help her with her day to day needs. Or maybe you DON'T forget and that's why you try to exclude me and treat me like a stranger.
Try to remember that I LIVE WITH HER! She tells me how you treat her. My husband...your brother...is dead now...but she's still my mom and I'm still a part of this family.

Find some other way to deal with your guilt because I'm done.


----------



## Crystal (Apr 24, 2008)

Dear Roommate,

Shut the fuck up and go away.


----------



## Amatrix (Apr 25, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear asshole in-laws,
> 
> It must be nice to ignore your mother/grandmother until there's something you need. It must be nice to repeatedly shove the fact that I'm not a blood relative in my face whenever you're feeling guilty about neglecting her. You conveniently forget that I live with her and so help her with her day to day needs. Or maybe you DON'T forget and that's why you try to exclude me and treat me like a stranger.
> Try to remember that I LIVE WITH HER! She tells me how you treat her. My husband...your brother...is dead now...but she's still my mom and I'm still a part of this family.
> ...



dear CAMellie

im very sorry your being treated that way.
all i can offer is an e-hug. and an open PM box.

your a very strong amazing talented woman. keep your chin up!

-amatrix

----

dear wisdom teeth

i hate you, and we should have parted ways long time ago. alas i was stricken with strep a day before our surgery.
now no insurance, no dental at all... you act up. 
pressing into my gums and then making my jaw sore. i cant talk right you hurt me so bad, silenced with your stupid actions.
for 23 and a half years nothing happened... and now you have come back to haunt me.
its true your surprise visits last maybe 3-4 days and happen every other month... but please... stop coming around. you are clearly not wanted.

seriously... gtfo
amatrix

-----

dear glitter mini 9
awesome song! wish you guys would have put more music out! its been like 3 years now...*wtf-ing*

loyal fan in the corn
amatrix

ps thanks for the free shirt and bumper stickers!

----

dear walgreens dude
thank you so much for not closing as soon as you saw me pull up. i needed some more of that oral spray for my stupid teeth, and you could have said you were locking up. instead *!* you reopened a register, and i know how irritating that can be to do the recount all over again.
sorry i didnt take your number though thanks for the compliment on my eyes.
made me feel better. :happy:

amatrix


----------



## Ash (Apr 26, 2008)

Dear Soon-to-be-former-neighbor,

No, I will not move in with you. You are creepy and weird. Please move quickly. You know where I live and, somehow, you got my number and found out where I work. Please do not stalk me. No, I will not come visit you at your new place. I'll be here, at my apartment, training my dog to attack. I'd stay away if I were you. 

Sincerely, 
The girl who is now afraid of you


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Apr 26, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Dear Soon-to-be-former-neighbor,
> 
> No, I will not move in with you. You are creepy and weird. Please move quickly. You know where I live and, somehow, you got my number and found out where I work. Please do not stalk me. No, I will not come visit you at your new place. I'll be here, at my apartment, training my dog to attack. I'd stay away if I were you.
> 
> ...





Dear new renters: 

Can you PLEEEEASE allow the OLD freaky neighbors to move back? YOU ARE 1000x's worse!!!!

Signed, frustrated neighbor.


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 27, 2008)

Dear You,

I'm sorry. I tried to wait. I waited 2 weeks already and it was eating me up inside. I wanted to wait until you got back in July so I would know how you REALLY feel. Now, because I was so impatient, I'll always think it's done out of pity 'cause I cried.

I wish I could take it back...and wait like I had planned. Now it's all ruined.


----------



## elle camino (Apr 27, 2008)

dear wild zero ~

thanks for letting me use your backpack last weekend. 

^_____^,
-a.


----------



## SMA413 (Apr 28, 2008)

Dear Cody-

Thanks for offering to be my baby daddy.  You're so effin cute that I might just have to take you up on the offer....

-Samantha


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 28, 2008)

Dear D,

You asked me to do something for you. I agreed to do it for free. You gave me a list of things you wanted included. I busted my hump putting the thing together AND included everything you asked for.
Not a single thank you but a shitload of complaints. Then you went in and re-did ALL my hard work. Then acted affronted that I got upset and angry. "I thought it was collaberation"....but god for fucking bid I should make a suggestion on how YOU deal with stuff you consider YOUR domain, huh?


----------



## Amatrix (Apr 30, 2008)

dear me

oh lawd

more drunk emails.:doh:


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Apr 30, 2008)

Dear Idiot Students,

If you're going to plagiarize each other, at least have the good sense to paraphrase what the other person said enough so it's not completely fucking obvious that you both turned in the same paper. 

Oh, and thanks for adding to my stress by now having to deal with both of you fuckwads. 

-Pissed Off Instructor


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 30, 2008)

Dear A,

Thank you for the wonderful day! I had a great time with you and M. 

Let's do it again soon,
Melanie


----------



## Blackjack (Apr 30, 2008)

Dear manager,

If I find out that you knew about the state health inspection today and that you intentionally took today off because of this, consequently leaving me there to deal with it, I am going to knock your teeth down your goddamn throat.

Sincerely, 
The employee who, against his conscience, lied to the inspector so that the goddamn department doesn't get closed down


----------



## SMA413 (Apr 30, 2008)

Dear blondie at the gym-
I know the gym has the treadmills positioned against a wall with several huge mirrors. This is not an invitation for you to use the treadmill as a runway. You are at the freakin gym. There is no need to constantly check your hair or readjust that ridiculous tennis skirt you work out in. Do you even break a sweat?? I think you need to be told the story of Narcissus...

Sincerely-
That sweaty gym-goer in the old sweats and crappy t-shirt


----------



## KnottyOne (Apr 30, 2008)

Dear Remaining 13 pages I need to write,

WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA FILL YOU WITH!!!! Seriously, 20 pages, you have gotta be kidding. There is maybe 5 written pages on the topic im writing about and I need to make that 400x longer. That is so freaking uncool. I'd tell you to go write yourself but I can't because my grade depends on you. But there is only so much caffine I can take before I just can't focus anymore and damn near go insane. Screw you unwritten pages!!!

Sincerely,
Strung out philosopher


----------



## mimosa (May 1, 2008)

Dear N,


We could've had a wonderful friendship. I think the problem was that you totally jumped to conclusions and you didnt take the time to listen to me. You ended up assuming things that were not based on facts. Instead you made things up in your own twisted mind. Have a nice life. 





Mimi


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (May 1, 2008)

Dear JG,
Seriously, what the hell is taking so long?????? Why do you torment me like this? I thought you were a nice guy.

Oh, and

Dear Universe and everything in it,
Could you maybe stop kicking my ass on all fronts for a little bit? Oh, don't get me wrong, it was interesting at first, but now, it's just getting obnoxious.

Thanks a lot.

Dr. P


----------



## SMA413 (May 4, 2008)

Dear Douche Nozzle in the Yellow Porche-
Yes, I know the new




is just _SUPER _exciting but you're in the parking lot- not the Indy500 track. Calm down, killa. It's because of people like you that I take my damn sweet time crossing the parking lot when it says "yield to pedestrians".
- Samantha


----------



## Crystal (May 5, 2008)

Dear Hess Hall,

With one exam left on Tuesday, I thought it'd be nice to offer an official goodbye, as I hope to never be back in this place again. 

Though, it wasn't completely YOUR fault that I was lucky enough to room with a crazy, bipolar, whiney, overly emotional, needy, spoiled little brat...but, I have to blame someone, don't I?

Good luck in your future endeavors. 

And good riddance...


----------



## NancyGirl74 (May 7, 2008)

Dear Me...

After last year being so awesomely craptastic you thought you were down for the count. You thought you were never getting up again. You had dark, scary thoughts and worried for yourself on many levels...but girl, you plugged through. You took time to heal, you got up off the floor, and you carried on. Now look at you! You have a job that is better than you expected and hoped for. You have found the joy of teaching again. You are back in school and enjoying it. You have just earned an A in both your classes. You are a Deans list, Honor Roll student with a 3.89 GPA. Not bad for the girl with a learning disability who everyone called "retarded" and "slow." Pretty damn good for the girl who was too shy and scared to speak up for herself, who hated herself and everyone else, who believed everyone when they said that you'd never do well at anything. So, fuck 'em. Fuck every last one of them, the bashers, the haters, soul sucking, leaching, using so-called friends and helpers. Fuck the one's who said you couldn't. Fuck the one's who said you can't. Because you could, you did, and you are. Congrats, NancyGirl74. You've earned a pat on the back...especially, from yourself. 

Stay strong because you can do it...
Yourself


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (May 7, 2008)

You must spread some rep...

Someone get her for me!!! 

Congrats, Nancy - I am SO proud of you! You're a truly amazing, wonderful, talented, brilliant person.


----------



## Aliena (May 7, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> You must spread some rep...
> 
> Someone get her for me!!!
> 
> Congrats, Nancy - I am SO proud of you! You're a truly amazing, wonderful, talented, brilliant person.



I got her for you. I've been meaning to rep her anyways; I'm seeing she's some awesome peeps!


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (May 7, 2008)

...speaking of good peeps with great academic news, rep coming your way, too, Aliena.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (May 7, 2008)

Thank you, friends. ((((Hugs))))


----------



## mszwebs (May 7, 2008)

Dear Smurf - 

Somehow I apparently smurfed this whole smurf up.
I don't want it to smurf like this.

I promise not to smurf with you again or say anything remotely smurf if you, if we can just go back to smurfing like before.

Please?

~Me


----------



## SMA413 (May 7, 2008)

Dear August 4th-

You could not get here any faster, could you? I don't know how I'm going to last the whole summer...

-  Excited Traveler


----------



## Amatrix (May 8, 2008)

Dear Pog

my mom says your sweet. i know you are sweet.sending her a moms day card might push her over the edge, and she might shut gun you into a marriage. forget june- how about soon? :happy:
i love you, even if i razz you a bit. im excited to see you again, soon.

we are awesome. team freaking amazing. cant wait for you to buy drain-o for our apartment. i cant wait to work my fingers to the bone to be able to sleep near you every night.:wubu:

Punkin


----------



## bmann0413 (May 8, 2008)

Dear my brain,

For some reason, I'm beginning to think you're getting dumber. I know we've been gone from school for almost four months now, but I don't think you could be getting stupid because of that...

Lloyd

-----------------------------------

Dear hot single girls of the world,

I'm tired. Tired of the games you all play. You think that just because you feel as though you're more attractive than everyone else, you have to make guys like me feel like we can't get ANY girl? Well, guess what? SCREW YOU!

(Note: this does not mean any of the fine and awesome ladies here)

Signed,
Lloyd


----------



## mimosa (May 8, 2008)

Lloyd, any girl playing games with you is not worth your time. There is someone special out there waiting for you. You are an amazing person. I can't see why anyone would treat you badly in anyway. Where is she? I will kick her a--!:kiss2:



bmann0413 said:


> Dear hot single girls of the world,
> 
> I'm tired. Tired of the games you all play. You think that just because you feel as though you're more attractive than everyone else, you have to make guys like me feel like we can't get ANY girl? Well, guess what? SCREW YOU!
> 
> ...


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (May 8, 2008)

Dear Number-One Son:

I love you dearly above all other things, and I'd like to think my swimmers had a decent hand in making you, no pun intended. However, I have a very nice alarm clock in the morning that gets me up with some degree of accuracy and regularity. I do not need it supplemented by you climbing over me into the bed every morning, somehow focusing all 48 pounds of your body weight into a 1 inch square directly on top of my testicles.

Is this some _in utero_ baby ninja technique that is somehow lost upon adolescence? I can bench press 240 lbs. but you can reduce me to a quivering mass of Jello with one single elbow pressure point attack on my epididymi. Vas deferens are not designed to handle bruising very well.

I worry that this is a permanent karmic payback for accidentally shooting my dad in the balls with a dart gun the day after his 1976 vasectomy, back when it was a major surgery and the words "scalpel" and "scrotum" were unfortunately used in the same sentence. I felt bad about it then and I feel really bad about it now.

Warm regards,

Snackbar's genitalia :bow:


----------



## Pinstripes67 (May 8, 2008)

Dear Soon-to-be Ex-Wife,

Please pull your head out of your ass. You have three children who want you in their lives for more than just the time you have in between dates. They are not there for your convenience so you can feel good about what a great mom you are. Three times in the past two weeks you either denied them a visit or cut their visit short because you had a date. That is unacceptable. 

When your daughter needs you for an extended period of time, your first thought should not be "I need to find a place to unload her because I am going away for the weekend", it should be "What can I do for her while I rearrange my plans for the weekend." I have been very flexible about letting you come and go as you please with them, but that ends.

I understand you left because you didn't want the responsibility and the having to be tied down, but that ship sailed 16 almost 17 years ago when our oldest was born. You are responsible to them no matter where you sleep. 

You are now going to have to have a scheduled day of the week where you take them and enjoy them. Overnight is ok, but its gotta be a weekend. You can make sure they shower, brush their teeth, have their homework done, do their chores, etc., etc., even if its just one night a week. If you miss the day, well then you miss the day. There will be no rescheduling or taking another night until you have shown that you can reliably put them ahead of your social calendar.

You don't get to come and go as you please and take all the good stuff while leaving me with the day to day things they don't enjoy where I look like a bastard. You don't get to swoop in and be the hero to the rescue because "Dad made me do dishes". I realize that is not what you wanted, but life is tough. Get a fucking helmet.

Sincerely,
The "Prick Who Won't Let You See Your Kids"


----------



## Surlysomething (May 8, 2008)

Pinstripes67 said:


> You don't get to swoop in and be the hero to the rescue because "Dad made me do dishes". I realize that is not what you wanted, but life is tough.
> 
> Sincerely,
> The "Prick Who Won't Let You See Your Kids"




Amen. 

"Get a fucking helmet." this seriously cracked me up.

Way to go for being a good Dad. Your kids will thank you in the long run.


----------



## Zandoz (May 8, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Me...
> 
> After last year being so awesomely craptastic you thought you were down for the count. You thought you were never getting up again. You had dark, scary thoughts and worried for yourself on many levels...but girl, you plugged through. You took time to heal, you got up off the floor, and you carried on. Now look at you! You have a job that is better than you expected and hoped for. You have found the joy of teaching again. You are back in school and enjoying it. You have just earned an A in both your classes. You are a Deans list, Honor Roll student with a 3.89 GPA. Not bad for the girl with a learning disability who everyone called "retarded" and "slow." Pretty damn good for the girl who was too shy and scared to speak up for herself, who hated herself and everyone else, who believed everyone when they said that you'd never do well at anything. So, fuck 'em. Fuck every last one of them, the bashers, the haters, soul sucking, leaching, using so-called friends and helpers. Fuck the one's who said you couldn't. Fuck the one's who said you can't. Because you could, you did, and you are. Congrats, NancyGirl74. You've earned a pat on the back...especially, from yourself.
> 
> ...



Nancy, though I really only know you from chat and here, I'm still proud of you. Congrats, and keep up the good work...this old troll will be pull'n for you.


----------



## Sweet_Serenade (May 8, 2008)

Dear Regina Spektor

Release a rarities album with all of your apparently professionally recorded yet unreleased material.
I'm sick of searching the four corners of the internet to get my Man of A Thousand Faces and Hero of The Story fix like a musical junkie.

Sincerely,
~Chloe


----------



## KnottyOne (May 8, 2008)

Dear 20 Page Research Paper,

YEAH!!! YEAH!!! Who Got owned? Huh? You, thats who, it may have taken me 2 weeks and 9 sources but I put your ass in the ground... or my prof's mailbox if you want to be more literal, but yeah. Done, I'm done with you, semester is done, omg... this is seriously almost as good of a feeling as AMAZING sex.

Yours truly

Totally fried Philosopher


----------



## Paquito (May 8, 2008)

Dear English Teacher -
You've just made my list. Seriously, a 3 ( on a scale of 1-9) on my essay just for forgeting to cite ONE source?!?!? Nevermind the fact that others completely missed the prompt, but I deserve the failing grade, and nevermind the fact that when we all proofed each others papers no one else saw it. Teacher, meet list.

Pissed off student


----------



## Pinstripes67 (May 9, 2008)

free2beme04 said:


> Dear English Teacher -
> You've just made my list.



Settle down, Francis  -Warren Oates in "Stripes"


----------



## mimosa (May 23, 2008)

Dave,

I am really trying to be cool...but its hard. Thank you for being kind to me. Thank you for being my friend. I miss you. 



Mimi:bow:


----------



## CAMellie (May 24, 2008)

Adrian,

I'll miss you every second that you're gone next month. Remember that I love you.

Melanie


----------



## Sugar (May 24, 2008)

Dear X,

I have never been through a break up like this. I'm not even sure you know how sad and torn up I am over your actions. Breaking up with boys is easy, breaking up with someone you considered one of your very best friends...murder. I have literally felt like the air was sucked out of me for a week now. I tear up at the mention...and we both know how little I cry. To tell you all of this would take strength of epic tales. I simply do not have it in me to bring it directly to you. 

I realize NOW that you had feelings for him. I also realize that he is NOT my boyfriend...nor yours. I hope you realize I did not know of your feelings (if any...) and oh BTW you're _thousands_ of miles from us. 

Acting like a slutty school girl to hurt my feelings worked like a charm. Congrats. This makes you just like all those women who play games and chase after men the moment they realize someone else has a slight interest. The very women we swore we'd never act like, and vowed not to associate with.

I went as far as to tell him that we shouldn't talk. He declined my suggestion because he is the best of the three of us in this stupidness. 

I only hope that out of this situation that has destoryed a most cherished friendship I can learn how to be a better friend & person. So thanks for that, I guess.


Sarah


----------



## NancyGirl74 (May 26, 2008)

Dear Cold,

You've ruined my weekend plans. Could you go away now please. Thanks.

Nancy


----------



## Paquito (May 26, 2008)

Dear Summer

It took you long enough to get here, hello parties and the beach!

Signed,
Fun-Deprived


----------



## Amatrix (May 26, 2008)

Dear C
the last night was amazing, but each night was awesome.
clouds will stage for storms to rage.
castles might crumble and dreams might night come true,
but you will be safe. because i love you.

i miss you terribly.
:kiss2:
H


----------



## SMA413 (May 26, 2008)

Dear weather reports-
Thanks for making me hate where I live. Don't go rubbing it in my face that it hasn't even gotten above 80 in some places. Here I am, shviting my ass off in 99 degree heat (with a heat index of 101). WTF.
- Samantha


Dear new glasses-
You effin rock. Can't wait for the other pair to come in too.
- Sam's Eyes


Dear W-
I'm really really excited about NY in August. 
-Samantha


Dear Hebrew book-
I'm freakin' kickin' your ass! BTW- who edited you? You're full of typos.
-Samantha


----------



## CAMellie (May 26, 2008)

Dear me,

It's time, sweetheart. You'll be okay. I promise.

I love you.

me


----------



## LisaInNC (May 26, 2008)

PamelaLois said:


> It depends on the number of employees the company has. If it's over a certain number, I am not sure what that is, then the laws apply. A very small business isn't bound by the same laws.



Actually the laws vary from state to state as far as breaks are concerned. I know in NC employers do not have to give you any sort of break...regardless of the number of employees or hours worked. But yes it is illegal to not get paid overtime.

DUH THIS Post was like a year ago...I am a dumbass ignore this post


----------



## KnottyOne (May 28, 2008)

Dear Ex GF,

Seriously? Fucking Seriously? You had to go and get a fucking job at my fave sandwhich shop in the whole world. You know over the summer I eat there at least once a week and you had to apply there? We dont even speak anymore because of how messy the breakup was because it always ended in a fight, but seriously, for Christ's sake you know how much I love it there and you had to get a job there. Not gonna lie, walking and and seeing you there just kinda pissed me off beyond words. I'm over you, but even as I was ordering you were making snide comments and basically picking a fight with me. It took all my power to not tell the manager some shit that would have gotten your ass fired immediatly. So seriously, fuck you, grow up, and learn to just take my order and let go of what is in the past. I'm not gonna stop going there, so you need to learn that what is done is done, and just act like nothing happened.

-Your Loving Customer


----------



## Famouslastwords (May 28, 2008)

Damn Knotty, sounds like you have a real piece of work on your hands.




KnottyOne said:


> Dear Ex GF,
> 
> Seriously? Fucking Seriously? You had to go and get a fucking job at my fave sandwhich shop in the whole world. You know over the summer I eat there at least once a week and you had to apply there? We dont even speak anymore because of how messy the breakup was because it always ended in a fight, but seriously, for Christ's sake you know how much I love it there and you had to get a job there. Not gonna lie, walking and and seeing you there just kinda pissed me off beyond words. I'm over you, but even as I was ordering you were making snide comments and basically picking a fight with me. It took all my power to not tell the manager some shit that would have gotten your ass fired immediately. So seriously, fuck you, grow up, and learn to just take my order and let go of what is in the past. I'm not gonna stop going there, so you need to learn that what is done is done, and just act like nothing happened.
> 
> -Your Loving Customer


----------



## Famouslastwords (May 28, 2008)

Dear Vegas,
I love you. You are full of so many wonderful buffets... a fat girl's paradise. I cannot wait to see you at the wonderful fat girl bash where I will partake in all the wonderful things you offer. I especially enjoy the midnight buffet, which, although not the highest of quality, is open with loads of goodies (omelet or steak? omg) at the finest hour for snacking. All food aside, the video slots inside the casinos are the best and they're only 5 or 10 cents!

Thank you for being one of my favorite places.

Can't wait to see you,

FLW


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (May 28, 2008)

Dear Dr. F,
I can't believe you're moving to Texas! It took me 30-something years to find a good doctor (actually a great doctor and the best one I've ever had) and now you're leaving. This feels like a bad break up where I'm still in love with the guy. I only wish it were that way because then I would wrap myself around your leg, crying and begging you to stay, making you feel guilty for leaving. How could you think of yourself and your family ahead of the oh-so-very-needy needs of one of your most frequent and admiring patients?  I know I'll never find another doctor like you. You were kind, patient, considerate and caring. What every doctor should be and so very often isn't. What other doctor is ever going to sit there and listen to me as I rattle off every last little thing I wrote on my list so I don't forget to ask it, and do it as if there isn't any place in the world they would rather be? You're a good doctor and a good person and Texas doesn't know how lucky they are to be getting you.
And, yes, I am going to tell you all this when I see you for my last visit next week. I just don't know how well it's going to come out through all the tears.

-Your favorite patient


----------



## SMA413 (May 28, 2008)

Dear JerseyGirl-
Where in TX? Maybe I'll snatch the good doctor up. LOL
-Samantha


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (May 30, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear JerseyGirl-
> Where in TX? Maybe I'll snatch the good doctor up. LOL
> -Samantha



If I find out next week when I have my last appt. I'll let you know. You'd be lucky to find him, as you can see by my letter above he is one in a million!


----------



## SMA413 (May 30, 2008)

Dear shower curtain rod-

Your days are numbered. I'd suggest you get with the effin' program. I'd like to take a shower, but you just don't want to stay up.

I dunno what the deal is- you seem to have a pretty simple job. Do it already!

Regards,
Someone who needs a shower


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Jun 6, 2008)

Dear Merlin,

You were such a good kitty. Loving, cuddly and soft. I can't believe you're gone now  I hope you find Luna on the other side.

Love always,
Shannon


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jun 8, 2008)

my condolences for your loss.


----------



## snuffy2000 (Jun 8, 2008)

Dear Insomnia,

Seriously, go away! I need sleep but because you remain a nuisance, my daily schedule has become a mess.

Sincerely, The guy who wakes up at 4pm.

_____________________________________

Dear Heart,

Theres NO need to ache though what you've been through these past months have been horrendous. The girl you met a few weeks ago and fell in love with just needs time to heal from her bag of douche Ex-Boyfriend. She does want to try again once the wounds are healed, theres no need to let it weigh heavy on you.

Sincerely, The over-analyst.


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Jun 8, 2008)

Famouslastwords said:


> my condolences for your loss.



Thank you. Your thoughts are appreciated.


----------



## KnottyOne (Jun 8, 2008)

Dear Me,

You knew you had to be up at 7 this morning. Why did you invite all those people over so late? Why did you do those drugs? Why did you choose to randomly throw a party that lasted until 5 a.m. when you knew you had a fulll 8 hours in the heat only 3 hours later. Yea... you are totally hurting and it is totally all you fault. (O, and FYI, Lara did look cute last night, yay texts haha)

Wake the hell up
-The Rational Part of You


----------



## lostjacket (Jun 8, 2008)

Dear Headache,

Please go away. You are really hurting my brain. No it may not have been a smart idea to go for a run today...but I tried anyway. I mean I've consumed the necessary liquids to not be dehydrated anymore...so wtf? Maybe I at least got sunburned? 

Love,
Stu

P.S. Blistering Heat you suck as well.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jun 9, 2008)

Dear Face,

You are *not* sixteen any more. Stop with the pimples already!!!!!!

The rest of you


----------



## Blue_Rainbow3 (Jun 9, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Face,
> 
> You are *not* sixteen any more. Stop with the pimples already!!!!!!
> 
> The rest of you



Dear Face, 
See above quote. We've discussed this. Let's get it together. 
Me


----------



## SMA413 (Jun 9, 2008)

Dear TBS-
What the hell is with the weird quasi-commercials at the bottom of the screen for The Bill Engvall show in the middle of Family Guy?! It's not cute and it's not funny.
-Confused


Dear douche nozzle who stole my phone-
Rot in hell. Karma is a bitch.
- Pissed off


Dear camp-
I'm getting super excited to be reunited!!
- The Infirmary Counselor


Dear laundry-
I wish you didn't take so freakin long.
- Clothes-less... but not naked, you perverts! 


Dear state of Nebraska-
Thanks for an interesting weekend... and the 2:30 AM tornado siren wake up. Yeah. That was great. I won't be seeing you any time soon.
-Texan


----------



## Paquito (Jun 9, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Face,
> 
> You are *not* sixteen any more. Stop with the pimples already!!!!!!
> 
> The rest of you



Dear NancyGirls Face, 

Once you get your act together, make a meeting with my face to get its act together too. Seriously, this nonsense has gone on long enough.


----------



## Chimpi (Jun 10, 2008)

Dear KnottyOne,

Don't you hate doing stupid, yet undeniably fun nights like that?
It's a lesson well learned, and as far as I can assume, you're still alive and kicking, hopefully sound asleep filling up your 'Rest' meter.
I've been there before (excluding the drugs).

Sincerely,
12:26AM Chimpi whom should be sleeping


----------



## KnottyOne (Jun 11, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Dear KnottyOne,
> 
> Don't you hate doing stupid, yet undeniably fun nights like that?
> It's a lesson well learned, and as far as I can assume, you're still alive and kicking, hopefully sound asleep filling up your 'Rest' meter.
> ...



Dear Chimpi,

Nope, didn't learn, yesterday when you posted this I was entertaining a lday friend (Yay being newly single again) and yea... no rest. Just another one of those wild and completely wreckless nights that lets me know I'm alive and enjoying life. So yes, undeniably fun with the most minimal amount of rest possible. And not nearly as many "party favors" as saturday night, those just arent classy on nights like this.

Sincerely,
A still exhausted KnottyOne


----------



## Blackjack (Jun 11, 2008)

Dear customers:

No, the new system is not too complicated. You're just too fucking stupid.

You push a button and take your ticket.

IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD.

Eat shit and die,
The Goddamn Genius Behind the Deli Counter


----------



## ekmanifest (Jun 11, 2008)

Dear KnottyOne and Chimpi - 

You are both making me feel very old. I remember those days . . . they were just such a long time ago. Enjoy it while you can - lol.

Elizabeth


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jun 11, 2008)

Dear B
I hate that I had to ruin our flirting ingame last night by dropping the F-bomb (Fat). I know you probably wish I was skinny and cute like I used to be, but it's just not happening. Sorry.

Secret Internet Fattie


----------



## Tooz (Jun 11, 2008)

Dear people with false and/or inflated confidence:
You are annoying! Please go wallow in your secret pain.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jun 11, 2008)

Dear Admiral,

Next time when traveling to a foreign city, keep your goddamn mouth shut on the shuttle. When it was just you and the driver for the last 40 minutes of the trip stuck in rush hour traffic, you need to casually steer the conversation AWAY from politics.

It's amazing with just a few cautiously placed statements you can separate the wheat from the chaff so to speak. The driver who initially seemed like a nice guy went quickly from "this is going to be a historic election" to a "McCain is gonna get them goddamn Huns more so than _Hussein_ Obama!"

I swear I thought someone was piping a podcast from Free Republic into my head. All that was missing was the driver saying in a Palpatine voice "Obama and his INSIGNIFICANT rebellion" while cackling evilly.

I did at least get to my destination and tipped him casually, more as a "thanks for reinforcing my belief in the good of humanity" but with a little of "and for not taking me to a deserted Ohio country road and leaving me for dead as one of those "Godless, 'librul' traitors".


----------



## ThatOneGirl (Jun 12, 2008)

dear so and so,

thanks for putting up with all my bullsh*t. lord knows you get enough of it. for example:

sorry i messed around with your best friend. in front of you. 
sorry for making you feel guilty when you called me out on it. 
sorry for always leaving before you wake up, even when you ask me to stay
sorry my friends and my sister don't like you (not really my fault, but it still sucks)
sorry for starting most of the fights we get in
sorry for posting all of this on the internet instead of saying it to your face

buuut i've been working on it. you've seen me at my absolute worst, and yet you still choose to be around me. i can easily say that you are my best guy friend, and you mean a lot more to me than i feel comfortable letting you believe. honestly, the reason for most of the crap i pull is because i'm scared to death of committment. i'm scared of getting too close to you in case things don't work out. you have always, always been here for me since i met you, no matter how many times i've screwed you over. thank you so much. i promise that when we both get back to school, i'm going to do everything i can to be the kind of person you deserve. i'll even deal with you being skinny now haha. i miss you like crazy. 

<3, me

p.s. sorry i laughed at you when you told me you loved me a couple weeks ago. but you could have chosen a better time than when you were holding my hair back while i was puking. truth is, i love you too. maybe sometime i'll get the courage to actually let you know . 

p.p.s. i think my friends are coming around...and my sister might be too


----------



## Amatrix (Jun 12, 2008)

dear *cough*
letting go now.
not like the butterfly, or dreams.
i still have them.

i am sorry i was so sad the last few days. and i am sorry i told you we can skip our next visit.
i am letting go of you in different ways. i wont bug you so much while your working, even though you tell me its not me bugging you. i will have my own life and plans from now on so i am not sitting by the phone waiting for you to call me.im going to let you do as you please and stop trying to mother you- lord knows you have a damned good one.

i will not be sorry for my own "needs," or yours. im letting that part go...
just please dont tell me one thing and then do something else.
if you need some time alone let me know. and when i do i wont hide from you and act like nothing is wrong.
i know i confuse the hell out of you. sometimes i am terrible.im sorry.

sometimes i think this is all worth it, then other times i think it is better to let it all fade away into a nice dream.then i see you, or us. someone asks about you... someone talks about you.and well i have hope.

i have been sleeping to much and not very confrontational with all this because of how i feel like you have pushed it aside in the past, pushed me aside.thats alright, i will make sure i am heard from now on. even if you dont like it.

i just dont feel like im strong, without you. i feel like i cant make things work... and when your gone nothing is the same.but i am still breathing.

i am not your normal choice for a "friend" i am loud. i smoke, i draw and paint in the nude. i drink during the week. i go out to the bars, and wear clothes i like even if they look stupid on me. i am not like all the others- because i am selfish and i love myself.im totally honest with you regardless of comforting lies.i like food, and singing.i havent gone to college, and i dont drive.i listen to "goth" rock, and frequently wear just underwear.

if you cant give me more, then i am not going to give more.i have given all i can.
we both know what we said and what we meant. i love you, but i love me too.i said forever, and i meant it. for as long as forever can be.

i love you and adore you. your my best friend and the greatest thing ever.dont fade away. stay. please.:kiss2:

signed
me


----------



## SMA413 (Jun 12, 2008)

Dear Jordan-
Learn how to pitch, man. I'm pretty sure you walked EVERYONE for like 4 or 5 innings straight before you were benched. I know the games are just for fun, but it would be waaaaaay more interesting if it was an actual game. That was the most boring hour and a half I've spent in a looooong time.

Just sayin'.
-Samantha



Dear new bras and Cristian Dior lipgloss-
Thanks for being so freakin phenomenal.  Good team work, guys.
-Samantha



Dear camp-
I'm getting reaaaalllllyyyyy excited/nervous for this summer. I can't believe it's starting in less than a week. 
Green trees-
The Infirmary Counselor


----------



## mimosa (Jun 16, 2008)

Dear Green Tea sales lady,

You asked me if I wanted to try some tea, and I kindly said "No thank you". You give me a very dirty look. Acting like a BITCH is not going to get you any sales. Good luck.:doh:


Chubby Lady with long brown hair.


----------



## CAMellie (Jun 16, 2008)

Dear You Know Who You Are,

I just can't do this anymore...and I know I'm not strong enough to stop it on my own. So....PLEASE....forget about me? Stop contacting me so I can be the coward I want to be right now.

Please?!?!


Signed,
Sickened by my own cowardice


----------



## IszyStone (Jun 17, 2008)

Dear Rikki O,
I wish that you would just get it through your thick skull that I don't hate you! I'm a sarcastic, tenacious, jelous freak, who can be a bit overbearing at times. I'm sarcastic to every one. Why do you think your so special that I would only be sarcastic to you. That's how I am and that's wow I shall be...It's not against you It jsut supports the fact that I don't hate you by treating you like every one else I'm fond of. I'm tenacious towards every one. I like to prove my point because It's right, even if it isn't. There is nothing inside me that makes me prove my point to every one else out of my tenaciousness that changes to proving my point out of hatred when it comes to you. I'm jelous of you. You have given the one person I can truly talk to happiness. Even if you didn't replace me It's still a fear. She is all i trully have and I wish you'd understand that me wanting alone time with her and not you is just me making sure I don't lose my life ring in the my worlds ocean of anger and issues. I try my best to let you see that but no matter what I do you can't seem to believe me so let me make it loud and clear...I don't hate you. I love You. You are the person I can look to for help when my life ring gets a hole. Your the one who I can leave my life ring with when she needs help and I can't stay afloat. You rock and you always will. You are an angel in my eyes. Thank You for being in my life...and by the way I don't hate you.

Sincerly,
Your Dormmate/accused hater/jelous freak/loving friend Momo


----------



## Red (Jun 17, 2008)

Dear Tunnocks Tea Cakes (milk chocolate variety),


Please stop being so goddamn tasty. I cannot buy you every day as the women at the shop will think I've gone insane. You're fabulous as a little treat, but please stop appearing everytime I make a cup of tea, it's getting ridiculous.




Love Lorna


P.S

You're _so _coming to Labour day with me, bitches.


----------



## Wild Zero (Jun 17, 2008)

Dear driver of the car who parked behind me, 

Even though you had 20 or so feet to work with behind and four feet in front of you chose to pull out and grind along the rear bumper of my new car.

Thanks a bunch. I remembered parking in front of your car since we both park on a small side street, so when I noticed the damage this morning you were the prime suspect. Tonight I saw my car's red paint on your car's silver bumper confirming my suspicions. To streamline the process and prevent my vengeful imagination from running wild would you prefer a.) a brick through your rear window b.) a thorough keying of your car or c.) four flat tires? Or maybe I'll just hire Monk and he'll bring you down for murdering some chick on a boat.

Ever full of rage,
The owner of the car you callously smashed into because by god you shouldn't have to reverse out of a spot for nobody!


----------



## Eclectic_Girl (Jun 17, 2008)

Red said:


> Dear Tunnocks Tea Cakes (milk chocolate variety),
> 
> 
> Please stop being so goddamn tasty. I cannot buy you every day as the women at the shop will think I've gone insane. You're fabulous as a little treat, but please stop appearing everytime I make a cup of tea, it's getting ridiculous.
> ...




WooHoo! 

I mean, yeah, what she said....


----------



## Surlysomething (Jun 17, 2008)

Dear life

I think it's time to cut me some slack. For real.


I go to work everyday. I pay my bills. I'm good to my family and friends. I don't freakin' drink, drug or smoke.

This health crap that you're throwing at me? It's enough. *Seriously.*
I'm about to have a meltdown.

Go easy on me today, ok?

I'm at the end of my rope.

Thanks


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jun 17, 2008)

Dear Vile Temptress:

I don't know how you found out I have a foot fetish, but thank you ever so much for taking advantage of that fact to tease me with strappy sandals, ankle bracelets and toe rings.

The fact I look away when we have a conversation doesn't mean I'm not paying attention, it's that you always manage to slip your foot out and wiggle your toes enticingly in my general direction, flexing your heels and rubbing the soles in an effort to soothe aches and pains. Don't think I can't see in your eyes the whole time you're just waiting for me to snap like an overwound piano string.

I'm happy you AND your husband LOVE that new dark blue nail polish, but pretty please, with sugar on top, it has to cease. Just give me a nice, deep paper cut and pour rubbing alcohol in it, ok? It would be less of a torture session.

Please make sure you don't start kibbutzing with Unnecessarily Deep Cleavage Lady(tm), otherwise you both will surely lead to my ruination.

Get thee behind me,

A Frustrated Admiral


----------



## The Fez (Jun 17, 2008)

Dear ***

I'm sorry I couldn't come visit today, I'd make excuses but truth be told I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Happy birthday, we all miss you. I'll come by tomorrow.


----------



## bmann0413 (Jun 17, 2008)

Dear Swimming Instructor,

Why did you have to be so hot? Now I'm more nervous to learn than before!

Disgruntled,
Lloyd


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jun 17, 2008)

Did you call the cops? You shoulda. I woulda! Sorry this happened to you, Zero.


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jun 17, 2008)

Dear Appliance Repair Man,

Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU for being the NICEST repairman I have ever hired. Not only did you calm my neurotic azz down but you rescued me from yet another charge on my already busting at the seams Discover card.

I think I love you!

One VERY happy customer!


----------



## Tooz (Jun 17, 2008)

Red said:


> Dear Tunnocks Tea Cakes (milk chocolate variety),
> 
> 
> Please stop being so goddamn tasty. I cannot buy you every day as the women at the shop will think I've gone insane. You're fabulous as a little treat, but please stop appearing everytime I make a cup of tea, it's getting ridiculous.
> ...



Dear Red,
I love you as you are the cutest thing ever. Let's drink tea together.

p.s. Please bring me a tea cake ?

Dear Tea:
I love you too.

Love,
Toozinator


----------



## SMA413 (Jun 18, 2008)

Dear camp-
I'll be there in less than 12 hours and ya know what? I'm not even packed!! How effin' crazy am I??? Oy vey... but I'm sssssuuuuupppppperrrrr excited and nervous and nauseous about this whole thing. LOL
-Sam


Dear Wal Mart-
Why is it that I can walk around for an hour and a half, spend $140, and use a handy dandy shopping list and yet I STILL leave without buying what I originally set out to buy. What. The. Hell.
-Samantha


Dear self-
Nice job with the procrastinating. You've really outdone yourself this time.  Now get back to packing and then get your ass in bed. Tomorrow is a looonnnngggg day.
-Brain


Dear Dimensions-
I'm off to camp tomorrow for 5 weeks and then Israel for 2 weeks in August. How will you ever handle almost 2 months without me?? LOL. I'm sure you'll cope.   Maybe I'll check in every now and then when I get the chance.
I'll miss ya!
Samantha


----------



## Amatrix (Jun 18, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear Wal Mart-
> Why is it that I can walk around for an hour and a half, spend $140, and use a handy dandy shopping list and yet I STILL leave without buying what I originally set out to buy. What. The. Hell.
> -Samantha



Dear Samantha on behalf of Walmart's employees I would like to thank you for visiting our fine store. *LOLZ*

I apologize for your inability to locate the items you felt you needed but I am proud that you got a chance to scan our vast and immense line of stock. I am proud to know you found some new things...I hope to see you again soon!

Sincerely 
Inventory Control Specialist.
Amatrix

* yes... i am to blame for all the junk you need... and cant find. and all the junk you dont want that you buy. I order it and place it in spots to confuse and torment many souls.this way i feed the WALMART MONSTER and dont owe it my own soul in return. srry. :happy: *

PS have fun at camp and your other endeavors!


----------



## CAMellie (Jun 18, 2008)

Dear Liar,

I'll keep my promise...but only until I see you in person again. Then...that's it.


See you soon


----------



## The Fez (Jun 18, 2008)

Dear cat,

you're driving me mad with your senile wailing at 3 AM every morning, but I'll miss it when you're gone.

P.S. it took me an hour before I realised you were sitting on the remote; I was looking for that!


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (Jun 18, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Dear cat,
> 
> you're driving me mad with your senile wailing at 3 AM every morning, but I'll miss it when you're gone.
> 
> P.S. *it took me an hour before I realised you were sitting on the remote; I was looking for that!*



What a silly cat! That cracked me up!


----------



## Suze (Jun 19, 2008)

Dear newly-divorced family friend

Don't sit next to me. Don't touch me. Don't fucking flirt. 
You are 58 years old. 

If I wasn't so damn polite I would've said "fuck off"...because surprisingly enough, I am NOT interested.


- I


----------



## CAMellie (Jun 19, 2008)

Dear rotten little monsters that shot my niece,

I don't care how old you are...I hope you pay and pay dearly! I have NO sympathy for you whatsoever. My only thought is of my niece and the pain she is going through right now.

Karma's a bitch!


Sonja's Auntie

P.S. My family is looking for your dad...you'd better hope the police find him first


----------



## The Fez (Jun 19, 2008)

Dear Halifax adverts


Fuck. Off. I'm well aware of your scamming ways, and your annoying bald representatives that can't sing or dance.

And you're not saving! Just go away!!

Love fez


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jun 19, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear rotten little monsters that shot my niece,
> 
> I don't care how old you are...I hope you pay and pay dearly! I have NO sympathy for you whatsoever. My only thought is of my niece and the pain she is going through right now.
> 
> ...



When my son was 11 he came home crying, he was playing in the sandpits and one of his classmates shot him in the back at point blank range with a bb rifle...they had to dig it out of his back...and damn straight we got the cops involved, the kids parents were mad that we called the police....WHAT????

I hope you find that little dirtbag!!!


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jun 19, 2008)

Who cares if the parents got mad, they didnt teach their sons proper behavior obviously. I'm glad you called the cops.


----------



## CAMellie (Jun 19, 2008)

Dear Sonja,

I'm so very, VERY glad you're going to be okay, babygirl. You'll adjust to only seeing out of one eye and you'll lead a normal, happy life. I love you SO much, little momma! I'll be coming out to see you just as soon as I can.

All my love,
your "squishy hugs" auntie


----------



## Wagimawr (Jun 19, 2008)

WHAA

holy shitfuck she lost her EYE?


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jun 20, 2008)

Oh my god - I'm FURIOUS for you and your niece right now, Mellie...just FURIOUS.


----------



## CAMellie (Jun 20, 2008)

Wagimawr said:


> WHAA
> 
> holy shitfuck she lost her EYE?


They saved the eye itself, but it's permanently blind now. 



BigBeautifulMe said:


> Oh my god - I'm FURIOUS for you and your niece right now, Mellie...just FURIOUS.



Thanks, love. :kiss2:


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jun 20, 2008)

OMG - seriously - MAJOR lawsuit. Major.


----------



## Wagimawr (Jun 20, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> They saved the eye itself, but it's permanently blind now.


THAT STILL COUNTS

I'll spare everybody the too-obvious "eye for an eye" remark.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jun 20, 2008)

Oh God Mellie, that's so horrible for her, my stomach is absolutely sick with anger.


----------



## Surlysomething (Jun 20, 2008)

I'll love you always. This I *know* in my heart.



But you will never be mine.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jun 20, 2008)

Dear Mossystain,

Got any Corn Nuts?

Love,
Co-Q


----------



## Suze (Jun 20, 2008)

Dear N, M, S, etc... 
Can't wait to meet ye guys tomorrow! It's gonna be funz!

- I


Dear Rufus Wainwright
I want to have sex with your voice.

Muuuuch love,
I


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jun 20, 2008)

Dear Local Newspaper.

ROCK ON! You RULE!!!

Signed, a BIG fan!


Dear Friend in Falls Church,

YOU RULE....rock ON!

I love you, marry me!

Your Chik



Dear Ex -

You suck. Nothing new.

Get bent.

Your HAPPY ex!


----------



## The Fez (Jun 20, 2008)

Dear alcohol

you win this round 

with love forever, Fez


----------



## mimosa (Jun 20, 2008)

Dear redguard,


I'm glad we are friends. 



Mims:bow:


----------



## Suze (Jun 20, 2008)

Dear ripley
You made my day. 

*dries tear* :happy:

-I


----------



## lostjacket (Jun 20, 2008)

Dear Sister,

Don't ride ATV's even if you end up with hilariously similar injuries that happened to me when I was 15. At least it wasn't your face, and you didn't really hurt anything other then your pride.

Peace,
Stu


----------



## mszwebs (Jun 21, 2008)

Dear Sir:

You will be pleased to know that I bought cute, blingy flipflop flats and will in no way tower over you during my trip to Boston...lol.

You're welcome, :bounce:

~Jess


Dear Boston:


I will be there in 17 days. Make sure there is lots of fun stuff to do, k?

Booya!

:batting:


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (Jun 25, 2008)

Dear World, 
I'm fat. Get over it.

-Lisa

*************

Dear everyone else including Mom,
I don't want your comments or opinions, sometimes I just want you to listen.

Love, Lisa


----------



## olwen (Jun 25, 2008)

Dear Monsanto corporation, 

I KNOW you had something to do with the salmonella tomatoes. I'd bet my guitar on it. I KNOW you're the reason I'm allergic to wheat. What fresh food horrors will you unleash on the unsuspecting public? Why do you mess with seed DNA? WHY? Buying up all the world's seeds so you can control the world's food and medical supplies in some absurd plot to take over the world....who are you in league with? The Cheneys, The Bush's, The Rockefellers, The Fords? Hitler? OMG, you've cloned a genetically modified version of Hitler - bigger, stronger, faster than ever before and you're waiting for just the right moment to unleash him onto the world to distract people from your diabolical seed harvest....I'm onto you Monsanto. 

Signed, 

Parnoid citizen who's onto you like white on rice


----------



## cold comfort (Jun 26, 2008)

Dear Heart:

You're stupid.

Sincerely, 
The Brain, who will be resuming position of decision-maker from here on out.


----------



## sunnie1653 (Jun 27, 2008)

Dear ____,

I'm sure you wish we'd talk more.. but its so hard when I know you lie to me on a daily basis. (And I KNOW. I know for SURE because you've slipped up and I'm not a dumbass) And its not even about something important - its so miniscule and small in the grand scheme of things.. I just can't understand why you lied about it in the first place. Seriously.. what the fuck do I care? Just tell the truth.. remember I told you if someone just fesses up, I can get over it .. you keep lying and digging yourself deeper and that's just it, man... 

*hugs* Please talk to me about this. I promise I won't get mad 

Melina


----------



## Spanky (Jun 27, 2008)

Dear Dilly Bar,

I grew up loving you so much. I am not a big ice cream and sweets eater, but you.....a quick, not so messy and scrumptious ice cream treat. Now you have become a "shell" of your former self. The ice cream is gone, replaced with some guar gum, slimy white substance inside a covering of wax. There is no more chocolate in that brown concoction coating than the brown concoction that comes out of my ass. 

After the white slimy stuff semi-melts and slides down my throat, I am left with a big ball of barely chocolate or butterscotch tasting wax. Chew as I may, it doesn't dissolve, break up or want to move into the throat. 

I'd pay a little more for a real Dilly Bar. Really, I would. 

I know not where to turn. Damn you Dairy Queen. Damn you. 

Still, though, I like your wide popsicle-sticks. Always preferred the wider ones over the skinny ones. Yes, Dilly Bars, you messed me up pretty good. 

- Sparkles


----------



## JMCGB (Jun 27, 2008)

cold comfort said:


> Dear Heart:
> 
> You're stupid.
> 
> ...



Dear Brain:

If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. 

Yours truly, 

the Heart.


----------



## KnottyOne (Jun 28, 2008)

Dear Reading Police Department,

Fuck You. Fuck Your Corupt incompetent cops. I just spent 3 hrs in cuffs because I "Fit the description" of someone running from you. Yea, fit the description my fucking ass, he was 6" taller then me, had much fairer skin and was wearing a completely different style and color of clothes. Only thing that was the same were the dreads, and his were blonde!!! And people ask me why I hate authority. Your inability to do anything of any use to the city is truly outstanding

Yours,
The Wrongly Imprisoned


----------



## angel-1 (Jun 29, 2008)

My Dearest Friend,

I hate that you're like this, in pain, a lot of pain. I hate that you're walking around pretending it doesn't hurt. I know you're doing it because you hate bringing people down, still, I wish you would open up to me, to someone. What they did to you was wrong. Fuck that, it was downright evil. To make matters worse, you blame yourself for something you had no control over. So, telling you it's not your fault makes no difference. Yet, I can't help but say it, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!! They did it because those bitches knew it was the only way to hurt you. Well, those devils got what they wanted. I hate them for doing this to you! I hate myself for not knowing what to do for you. Sometimes I wish you would stop coming to my house to use my computer or hang out or have dinner because I know being around the kids kills you. You love them so much and they love you, too. I know when you go home you feel worse than you did when you got up. Brick walls seem to be the only thing you can count on these days, with lawyers and judges and others who have been through what you've been through telling you the same thing over and over for too many years, "There's nothing you can do. As far as the law is concerned, you have no rights!" I wish I could do something, anything. I wish I could find the answers so I could point you in whatever fucking direction the answers may be so maybe, just maybe, it would lead you to some peace of mind, give you some hope. Hope, the one thing everyone that knows you knows you're running low on. I feel like such a failure as a friend. I'm so sorry I am failing you. I know if I ever said that to you, you'd kick the shit out of me with all the love you have to give, loving bastard Your heart is so big and you have so much to give. I hate the fact that you are so afraid to share it like I know you can, like I know you want to. I guess the only thing I can do is what I've been doing. Praying for you. Hoping for you. Being there just in case you need my shoulders. I love you, my brother from another Mother. We all do. We are all here for you. Always.


Angel


----------



## Paquito (Jun 29, 2008)

Dear best friend-

I feel terrible for not opening up to you like you do with me. I front with everyone, making it seem like my life is good and I'm happy with everything, but I know that you see through it. I feel your desire for me to pour my heart and soul out to you, but I can't. You are the most important person to me on the Earth, and I hate that I have to keep up my defenses around you like everyone else. I'm really sorry, but I know that you wouldn't understand.

From,
Your regretful friend


----------



## The Fez (Jun 29, 2008)

Dear K,

Do yourself a favour and stop crawling back to a guy that keeps cheating on you. You can do better. I'd probably care less if I didn't have such a bad crush on you.


----------



## mszwebs (Jun 29, 2008)

My dearest girl,

I told you so. That's right, I TOLD YOU SO 

Plz listen to me from now on, kthanx.

It's only MY life that I fuck up with men...I would never do it to you too.

~Bellalala


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jun 30, 2008)

Many years ago, scientists would perform operant conditioning experiments where they would attempt to coax a rat in a cage to press a food pellet lever to obtain food. In some cases they would shock the rat when it tried to get food in an effort to attempt to make it averse to eating. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

Eventually, whether as a matter of experimental design or sadism, they performed experiments wherein they shocked the rat no matter what it did.

Folks, as of today, I am that rat.


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jun 30, 2008)

Dear Verizon Wireless:

Up until yesterday, I have been having a torrid love affair with you and your service, which until yesterday had been impeccable. You have served me well the past 5 years and I have been recommending you to as many people as would listen.

When I needed you most, you failed me. How disappointing.

Shame on you...after a night of sleepless hours wondering where my husband was....and not being able to reach him...you finally kicked in and found your tower of power.

I was worried sick and do NOT wish to repeat that feeling EVER again.

Don't make me switch carriers, I have tried them all and HATE them worse than you at this point in time.

Signed, 
What I thought was a very happy wireless customer


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (Jun 30, 2008)

Dear punkass,

Seriously. M-o-n-k-e-y. Don't make me school you publicly!



You know who


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 1, 2008)

Dear Jody
All the other employees laugh at you, and call you Judy. I have given you total and absolute respect for every moment i have been in your contact. I have looked at the photos of your daughter, and skipped my breaks simply because we were behind in the back room. I have been honest with you. I dont like how you have been treating me lately.

I am sorry I dont feel safe on a ladder that has a weight limit that I exceed. 
I am sorry I will not put myself in harms way anymore.
I am sorry I helped the slower girl who cant lift more then 20 pounds with her heart condition, which you gave her to simply torture her.
I am sorry I will not be violating company policy, by using power equipment I havent been trained on.

I dont understand why you have called me "fat, and lazy."
Thats right- I heard it. I am fat. It is clear I am. I did not make the ladders though to only hold 180 pounds and not much more. These ladders at work are a joke- most people can not use them and still carry the packages they need to.
I am not though, lazy. At all. I have worked harder then most of those kids you have hired, and kept up when no one even helped me. I stayed on top of my own bins, working the conveyor belt like someone who had been there for years... and on top of that- lifted all the other girls things that were more then 20 pounds.
When I have asked for help, I have been ignored.
When I told you I hurt my back because I HAD to lift all the furniture and automotive cases alone, when it clearly says team lift on the package.I worked more freight and packages then others do, covering the whole left side of the storage area.
I took less then 2 minuets to dry my eyes when the conveyor belt smashed my fingers and left nasty bruises on my belly, also when the other girl dropped a 20 pound shelf on me- which I caught with one hand before it shattered onto the floor, making sure she didnt fall off the ladder either.
I give you props, and have even stuck up for the other workers calling you a midget bitch.
I didnt blow up when you called me out for something I had nothing to do with, we both know because I have Wednesdays off so I cant watch or make sure the other ICS girl does her job- I am not a manager.

So, I dont feel bad for calling in sick today.
I also dont feel bad that you heard I wanted to be a cashier, when we both know I can make more money there and wont have to deal with asshole kids/people who cant listen to the person you hired to give direction.
I will have less then a week left with you, stay out of my way and I will do the same for you.

Laughing at your ripped pants
Halley
----

Dear My Ruin
rock.
<3
Amatrix

---
Dear C-diddle
COME ON MAN! it has been like... 2 months now.
I miss your funky fresh face and your bear nuzzles.
not the bites so much. 
I took the time off, and I know there was some miscommunication-
but jesus...why do i always have to move things around?
I am starting to feel left out and forgotten.
now i might not be able to see my aunts from cali... because i have not a clue wtfx we are doing.
either way- im gonna laugh when you go down the water slide, and when we go out. oh yes... im making you go out with me.to a bar even- for all this trouble you have caused me.:happy:
take that!
and i love you fyi.your so sexy! im really one of the luckiest girls ever... even when your mom spanks me.
wubu baybay.
cant wait to wear that bikini for ya again  you r2 awesome for words.
and 7 to 8 out of 10 times i think of you, as well.
<3
yours


----------



## Tooz (Jul 1, 2008)

Dear gas prices-
Last night I had a dream that I drove out Sweet Home road and it was all desolate (inaccurate) except for one gas station, selling gas for 1.29. In the dream, I flipped out. I was happy. I hope this happens sometime in my life.

Love,
Toozinator


----------



## Red (Jul 1, 2008)

Dear head,


Please don't explode I need you for jobhunting. Thank you.


Love

Me


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Jul 1, 2008)

Dear vast male majority in my business,

It would be great if sometimes you would consider that I have valuable input and working knowledge of my job. I swear if you listen, what comes out of my mouth isn't cackle, cackle, cackle. Perhaps I need to invent a male chauvenist to female translator eardrum implant for you to understand.

Oh yeah, and quit listening to me explain to you exactly what the problem is and how to fix it only to turn around and explain it back to me as if it was all your idea 

Sincerely,

A Woman Who is Damn Good at Her Job


----------



## johnnytattoos (Jul 2, 2008)

Dear crazy stalker lady from N.Y.,
I'll be at the Tahoe Resort in Lake George N.Y. from July 3rd-6th. Just wanted to make it a_ little _easier for you.
-Johnny:blink:


----------



## Red (Jul 2, 2008)

Dear Long Awaited Mug of Hard Earned Tea,

Stop being too easy to drink, I literally sunk you without a trace and caught myself thinking, 'oooh that didn't even touch the sides'.


Please don't do that too often as I fear I am turning into my mother at a rate of knots.


Regards


The girl who praises you after long midnight, online rambling sessions but doesn't want to turn into her mum just yet

x


----------



## Tooz (Jul 2, 2008)

Dear Canadian Icewine Tea:
I was excited to buy you. I will be excited to drink you in the morn.

love, toozie


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 2, 2008)

Dear Eureka,

A thousand thank yous for making such an awesome vacuum...I am in love!

Signed, a BIG fan!


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 2, 2008)

johnnytattoos said:


> Dear crazy stalker lady from N.Y.,
> I'll be at the Tahoe Resort in Lake George N.Y. from July 3rd-6th. Just wanted to make it a_ little _easier for you.
> -Johnny:blink:



Dear Johnny
I told you... I dont live in NY anymore! I cant help it if I checked in with a friend to see if you were vacationing there...

Just kidding... have fun! Lake George was beautiful. I hope you have pics when you get back! 

:happy:
Amatrix


----------



## SuperMishe (Jul 2, 2008)

Dear Boss...

I can't believe you are actually coming back from your "emergency FMLOA". Just when we got everything straightened out, had the office actually running smoothly, you're going to come back and f*** it all up again. Thanks a lot - couldn't you just have stayed away?...

Sincerely,
Someone who *won't* be happy to see you.



Dear Reese's,
Why must you taste so good?


Dear Back,
Why can't you remember that I don't have anyone to give me massages so you need to quit bothering me so much!


----------



## Chimpi (Jul 2, 2008)

Dear Meesh,

Reese's taste so good so that die hard fans like you and I can apologetically enjoy each and every bite/snack. Reese's taste so good because of their peanut butter and chocolate combination; one of the best inventions ever created by man [or woman!].

Sincerely,
Reese's fanatic and peanut butter&chocolate maniac. :happy:


Dear Reese's,

If your present user, Meesh, is not satisfying you properly, come hither.

Signed,
A lonely, desperate young man.


----------



## lostjacket (Jul 2, 2008)

Dear Salesman that sits in front of me (aka Willie Loman),

Our boss probably isn't that interested in the hail you randomly went outside to pick up and show him. This may have been the funniest thing I have seen all day...until it was topped by our CEO's expression when I was getting coffee. I think we almost had a collective hear attack from laughter at your expense. Maybe I should bring you an ice cube tomorrow?

-Stu

P.S. How the hell do you own a house?


----------



## johnnytattoos (Jul 2, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> Dear Johnny
> I told you... I dont live in NY anymore! I cant help it if I checked in with a friend to see if you were vacationing there...
> 
> Just kidding... have fun! Lake George was beautiful. I hope you have pics when you get back!
> ...



lolz

posting pics is what got me in trouble in the first place...


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 2, 2008)

johnnytattoos said:


> lolz
> 
> posting pics is what got me in trouble in the first place...



crap.
my bad.


people have to ruin all the fun.


----------



## SweetNYLady (Jul 2, 2008)

Edited: Because I changed my mind about posting something so personal about a former relationship "letter to my ex"


----------



## Placebo (Jul 2, 2008)

Red said:


> Please don't do that too often as I fear I am turning into my mother at a rate of knots.
> 
> x


Dear Red,
What on earth is a rate of knots?

----------------------------------------------------

Dear stack of inventory code/computerized lighting system repair manuals,

I hate you.

----------------------------------------------------

Dear boss,
Thanks for short changing me on my paycheck. It better be a clerical error. 

And ______, 
I'm still fucking pissed at your retarded ass for running over my toes with the damn forklift yesterday, stop trying to play it off like it was my fault. You have no idea (and don't give two shits) what is going on around you. Ever. Which makes you dangerous with fast moving heavy equipment you have no right to be driving in the first place. You have no idea who you are fucking with, but will find out VERY soon if you keep trying to play mind games and make me look bad to make yourself look better. I've been on to you since day fucking one, and you'll get it back ten fold in the end. While I hardly hold a grudge, you've managed to make my list after knowing you for two friggin' weeks and I'm a very patient person when it comes to well planned retribution.

Your lazy ass is in for a big surprise.

----------------------------------------------------

Dear former roommate (the good one),
Please move into your new place faster, While I am appreciative of ____ letting me crash on her couch to save gas, listening to her talk on her cell phone for 4 hours straight into the wee hours of the morning is like chewing tin foil. Lots and lots of tin foil.

----------------------------------------------------

Dear Lina (my cat),
I hope you're having fun with Squeaks at (the good one's) parent's house on LI. I miss your fuzzy face in the morning and your flirty ankle rubs. See you soon boopy.


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 3, 2008)

Placebo said:


> Dear Red,
> What on earth is a rate of knots?



"Knot" is a nautical measurement of speed equivalent to one nautical mile per hour, or just over 1 normal mile per hour.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knot_(speed)


----------



## mszwebs (Jul 3, 2008)

Dear Sex:

I can haz u plz? (Soon???? Plz???)

Kthxbai!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear BostonBostonBostonBoston,

I will see you in less than a week 

~ME!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Old North Church,

I promise to get pictures of you that are actually visable this time.

Love, 

Someone with a better camera than last time


----------



## KnottyOne (Jul 3, 2008)

Dear Gabriella,

OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! You were not playing, you seriously were gonna rip me to shreds. I have NEVER had so many deep scratch marks in my life. God girl, your nails were like claws, seriously, my back is ripped to hell. Not to mention my chest, arms and even the few on my neck. Seriously? I want to go swimming tomorrow, these will be fun to tell my Mom about. But like... besides this (yea, I like it, not gonna lie haha) it was totlly awsome and needs to happen again ^_^

-Your Scratching Post


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 3, 2008)

Dear Emily,

It's been 10 years, but I still remember every tiny detail of the day you were born. You were so little...and so very, very still. I'm sorry you never had the chance to show the world what you could do...you sure showed me, though. I love you and miss you every day, baby. Happy birthday.


All my love forever,
Your mommy

P.S. Give my love to your brother and sisters, too


----------



## Placebo (Jul 3, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> "Knot" is a nautical measurement of speed equivalent to one nautical mile per hour, or just over 1 normal mile per hour.
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knot_(speed)


:doh:

And here I am thinking it's how fast you can weave a daisy chain or something. Wasn't thinking of _those_ knots.


----------



## Butterbelly (Jul 3, 2008)

Dearest Cinda:

I was deeply saddened to read the thread regarding your death. I became concerned about you awhile back and posted in the chit-chat forum about your sudden departure. My gut feeling told me that something bad had happened, but I always tried to keep positive, in hopes that you were on a Dimensions hiatus. My hopes, unfortunately, were dashed when I read Rainy's thread. 

While I did not personally know you in real life, I spoke with you on almost a daily basis via chat or IM. I loved your sarcastic side, but most of all, I loved the thoughtful comments, advice, and the honesty you showed me. I never once doubted anything you told me and in fact pursued a relationship with someone (now my husband) because of the advice you gave me. 

Walt Whitman once said "nothing can happen more beautiful than death," and I truly believe that. While we mourn your passing, I choose to celebrate your life and what a great person you were. I hope you are celebrating eternal peace, love, and happiness with the loved ones who passed before you. 

May you rest in peace, Cinda.

Love,
Rachel


----------



## Chimpi (Jul 3, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Reese's taste so good so that die hard fans like you and I can apologetically enjoy each and every bite/snack.



Dear Chimpi,

Try to remember to use the correct word next time...

Your _unapologetic_ self...

Chimpi


----------



## olwen (Jul 3, 2008)

Dear Sir, 

Thanks for giving me a second chance. This time I swear I'll talk to you about how I'm feeling instead of just being impetous and petulant. I've definitely learned my lesson. Also I really missed your firm hands and perfect touch. ::swoons::

Yours,
Olwen


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 4, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Dear Chimpi,
> 
> Try to remember to use the correct word next time...
> 
> ...




Dear Chimpi

Dont be so hard on your self. You ability to cheer others up and make us smile is all the more reason to over look some mistakes.:happy:

sincerely
the one with really bad grammar.
Amatrix

ps thanks for the notes, i will get back asap!


----------



## Suze (Jul 5, 2008)

Dear Cyanea capillata

go fuck yourself!


----------



## The Fez (Jul 5, 2008)

Dear John

your beard scares small children; it's time to shave


----------



## bmann0413 (Jul 6, 2008)

Dear crazy fate or something,

I have just gotten back from watching "Hancock" not too long ago. Now I want superpowers. Invincibility, flight, super strength, etc. I wanna be like Superman, but better. Or like Danny Phantom. Do this and I will give you a quarter.

Thanks in advance,
Lloyd


----------



## bmann0413 (Jul 6, 2008)

Oops, double posted... Sorry!


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jul 9, 2008)

Dear Conrad,

You, sir, are a bloody hypocrite (and I use the terms dear' and 'sir' rather loosely here).

You have no compunction about ripping into people that you dont like. Ive seen you do it several times, just in the past few months. Out of respect for the people youve torn into, I wont name any names. But suffice it to say, anyone who cared to investigate would see that you have done just that. 

You allow the most God-awful sexist, misogynistic shit to be posted  claptrap that offends and/or horrifies a huge percentage of women posting at Dims  and not only do you tolerate it, but you seem to encourage its very existence. Several months ago, a man posted an extremely disturbing and violent fantasy about feeding a woman to death (all the while referring to her in the most degrading of terms imaginable). Many people, myself included, expressed objection to this extreme and disturbing post. Your response was typical: The Harper Valley PTA was at it again. Dismissive. Critical. Completely, completely missing the point. What I realized then was that fantasies of humiliating and degrading women, fantasies of violence and force feeding  all are A-ok!! Object to them, and be termed a troublemaker or a man-hater or a shrewish hag. Or, in my case, simply get banned from the weight board and then termed a troublemaker for future reference. All of a sudden, a whole lot of other stuff made sense to me as well.

I am so tired of seeing people pucker up and fawn adoringly at your every word. Nobody wants to challenge you. Any objection to your policies, the mods are quick to jump in with Its Conrads board <gush> and he has the right to <tell someone soundly off, while banning anyone else who dares do the same> The truth is, you take money from people. One hundred and fifty six people, to be exact  all who are contributing a MINIMUM of $3/mo. Many, Im sure, are contributing more than that (I was donating $10/mo, for example). Even if that doesnt cover the entire cost of running the site (which I personally find very difficult to believe), that is beside the point. You arent God. The people who are contributing towards the upkeep of this site should have some say in how it is run. Why not take a vote, Conrad? Why not ask the women of Dims what they think of the violent fantasies, the constant unchecked displays of misogyny (if challenged, we're just Harper Valley shrews), the dismissive remarks, completely inappropriate placement of lustful intent in serious threads, stuff her until shes dead fun n games? Or of the fact that any objection to said behavior is met with youre too sensitive  you hen-pecking man hater? 

For me, the last straw is getting banned from the weight board because I was very clearly defending myself from attacks that the moderators would not involve themselves in (despite the fact that Id reported them several times). Said troublemaker has created another thread, all in good fun, of course, that was a very thinly veiled attack directed (in part) at me. Had I created that thread, I would have been quite handily banned. He has moderators drooling all over him, blowing kisses and exclaiming their adoration. Nice. He will of course deny that this is what hes done. And his pals the moderators will rush in to defend the oh-so-innocent no names were named line of reasoning. But he knows  and I know  and anyone else who has followed what went on in the Middle Eastern Women thread will know what hes up to. In the meantime, Im just being overly-sensitive  right? <eye roll> I'm tired of the selective enforcement of the rules. 

I make no mistake, Conrad. I'm a clever hen. I know that you dislike me because you think that Im an anti-feeder hag, not interested in FA issues, a trouble maker. That last bit is partially true  I did personally attack one specific member several times (the member in question having a rather spotty history herself) and did not have a good reason to do so. In that, I am far  far  FAR from being alone. Translation: I do not buy into your line of reasoning that all fantasies are harmless in their expression. Therefore, Im  anti-Conrad. Anti-Dims. 

I have never fully accepted what happened during that bout with the Id love to force feed her until she dies fantasy posted on the weight board, and with the moderating decisions that were made (posts critical of the very violent, very objectionable fantasy were deleted  several people who made critical posts that were no better or worse than the mainstream were banned). To that end, it is something of a relief to finally just say  Im done with you, Conrad. I have no illusion that you will use this as an opportunity to permanently ban me. 

Finally ... I do want to acknowledge that most of the moderators here do a wonderful (and typically thankless) job. And yes, I'm including several moderators who issued what I acknowledge to be fair warnings to me. I do not wish to paint everyone with the same broad brush. Those that I'm referring to ... you know who you are. No need for me to spell it out. 

I have loved this community for a long time. This isn't a dramatic 'fair thee well' ... simply an acknowledgment that Conrad will use this as an opportunity to permanently ban me, and at this point ... so be it. I will not allow myself to continue feeling frustrated and upset by what is supposed to be a fun distraction for me.

At least I had my say  for the few minutes it will take a moderator to find this and delete it, anyway. 

Go to hell, Conrad. You bloody hypocrite.

God. That felt so good to say.


----------



## Tooz (Jul 9, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Even if that doesnt cover the entire cost of running the site (which I personally find very difficult to believe)



Actually, I think the bandwidth might be pretty costly. Quite a few people view the site, and image attachments and whatnot. Then again, I don't know how much bandwidth costs run and what have you. But, it might be pretty $$$$.


----------



## Webmaster (Jul 9, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> ... Go to hell, Conrad. You bloody hypocrite.
> God. That felt so good to say.



Well alright. Thing is, you were warned no fewer than SIX times to stop the needling, personal attacks, taunting, insulting and baiting by four different moderators. So the action should come as no surprise.


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 9, 2008)

Dear Traci....I will miss you terribly.


....Actually...I will miss you with skill, and verve.


----------



## ripley (Jul 9, 2008)

Webmaster said:


> Well alright. Thing is, you were warned no fewer than SIX times to stop the needling, personal attacks, taunting, insulting and baiting by four different moderators. So the action should come as no surprise.



I have never, ever, been issued a warning. Last night I reported a personal attack in the weight board (which said, among other things, "Ripley, Fuck off!") and today I log on and am banned, without any notice or explanation whatsoever. Could someone please tell me what rule I broke?


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Jul 9, 2008)

Dear TraciJo,

Considering you and I have been on good term of late I really don't appreciate you bringing me into your fight with Conrad. *I* and my dealings with Conrad and Dimensions have nothing to do with your history here. My relationship with Conrad (as it were) has been a long and bumpy one BUT he and the Mods have always been fair to me. And I would guess I've been around these parts a much, much longer time THAN YOU. 

So if you want to cuss out the man who has spent most of his life fighting for size acceptance - don't bring me into it. OK?

Now we all the reference you made was about me right???

Take it easy,
Sandie Zitkus (working toward size acceptance since 1988)


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 9, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> Dear TraciJo,
> 
> Considering you and I have been on good term of late I really don't appreciate you bringing me into your fight with Conrad. *I* and my dealings with Conrad and Dimensions have nothing to do with your history here. My relationship with Conrad (as it were) has been a long and bumpy one BUT he and the Mods have always been fair to me. And I would guess I've been around these parts a much, much longer time THAN YOU.
> 
> ...



If she flat out named everyone on the board except for you, you'd still think it was about you.


----------



## pdgujer148 (Jul 9, 2008)

Dear Thread:

You were really enjoyable until page 50.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Jul 9, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> If she flat out named everyone on the board except for you, you'd still think it was about you.



I wasn't talking to you sweetcheeks. Now run along and make thinly veiled references to me - then deny it was about me.

LOL

You're classic. Are you stalking me???:doh:


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Jul 9, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> If she flat out named everyone on the board except for you, you'd still think it was about you.


BGB - 

My wife has been involved with Dimensions (both the print magazine and the web site) since before you were in kindergarten. There are many things that have gone on over the years. Since you've only been here at Dims a little over a year, I would suggest that you keep your nose out of issues that do not concern you.


----------



## ripley (Jul 9, 2008)

Longevity doesn't make anyone's opinion more valid than anyone else's.


----------



## Chimpi (Jul 9, 2008)

ripley said:


> Longevity doesn't make anyone's opinion more valid than anyone else's.



ripley,

I quoted you for truth.
Thanks,
Chimpi


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 9, 2008)

Yeah, I know, I've already congratulated your wife on being fatter longer than most on this message board. 

Actually, I've been on Dims for about 10 yrs now in some capacity. Really, I've been enlightened about size acceptance since I was about 14. What took y'all so long to get into it? 

Seriously, what is the obsession with reminding everyone of how long you've been around as often as possible.

Oh and that last comment about keeping my nose out of things that don't concern me is hilarious. Since that is exactly what I was referring to in my response. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU. 

On a completely unrelated note .. How IS the shire these days?


----------



## Donna (Jul 9, 2008)

ripley said:


> Longevity doesn't make anyone's opinion more valid than anyone else's.





Chimpi said:


> ripley,
> 
> I quoted you for truth.
> Thanks,
> Chimpi



Can I get an amen?


----------



## pdgujer148 (Jul 9, 2008)

Dear Ripley,

Thank you for pointing that out to Mr. Zitkus.



ripley said:


> Longevity doesn't make anyone's opinion more valid than anyone else's.


----------



## activistfatgirl (Jul 9, 2008)

Dear Me,

THANK YOU FOR KEEPING A CACHE OF PAST VIEWED PAGES!


----------



## mossystate (Jul 9, 2008)

ripley said:


> Longevity doesn't make anyone's opinion more valid than anyone else's.



Exactly.....


----------



## Wagimawr (Jul 9, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> If she flat out named everyone on the board except for you, you'd still think it was about you.


Normally I agree but I think this time Sandie's actually referring to an actual occurrence; I seem to remember the two of them going at it for quite a while a year or so ago.


----------



## Chimpi (Jul 9, 2008)

Dear *Pink Floyd* fan,

Assuming and all that yadda yadda yadda

Sincerely,
Kvetcher.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jul 9, 2008)

Wagimawr said:


> Normally I agree but I think this time Sandie's actually referring to an actual occurrence; I seem to remember the two of them going at it for quite a while a year or so ago.



Except at least two other people, myself included thought Traci was referring to them when she referred to a poster with a 'spotty history' whom she'd personally attacked.


----------



## Wagimawr (Jul 9, 2008)

Ah, nevermind then.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jul 9, 2008)

Personally attacking people? Say it isn't so. Not here at Dims!


----------



## activistfatgirl (Jul 10, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Except at least two other people thought, myself included thought Traci was referring to them when she referred to a poster with a 'spotty history' whom she'd personally attacked.



And therein lies the problem! It could be a myriad of people!

Tracijo, there's so much that could be said. Just so much. Much of what you wrote is debatable. I doubt many will want to engage with you when you've been so willing to degrade many, many people, and blame others for attacks that have read to many of us as _mutual _fighting.

I'll just say that your post is unfortunate and that I want you to know, and other women who read this, that you don't speak for all the women on Dimensions. You do speak for some, and I hope they can find a home after you chose to write that post. But you painted a pretty unfair picture that boxed a lot of us in.

EDIT: Why must I always be diplomatic? I don't feel like playing nice to someone that won't play nice back. For realz, PLEASE move on. Don't wait to be banned. Just do something nice with your life and leave us in peace. I would love it. Okay, no personal attacks. *WHEW*


----------



## largenlovely (Jul 10, 2008)

yeah i actually wondered if she was referring to me or maybe Tooz ...it honestly could've been anyone lol



Wagimawr said:


> Normally I agree but I think this time Sandie's actually referring to an actual occurrence; I seem to remember the two of them going at it for quite a while a year or so ago.


----------



## largenlovely (Jul 10, 2008)

not that my opinion counts for much ....

but i gotta say i think this is very unfair. 



ripley said:


> I have never, ever, been issued a warning. Last night I reported a personal attack in the weight board (which said, among other things, "Ripley, Fuck off!") and today I log on and am banned, without any notice or explanation whatsoever. Could someone please tell me what rule I broke?


----------



## Wagimawr (Jul 10, 2008)

Agreed, I didn't see Ripley going on the attack at all in that thread.

This isn't 4chan; bans should have a reason given that's at LEAST known by the banned individual.


----------



## Sugar (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear Myspace Blog,

Thank you for allowing me to post my heart...and allowing him to read it.

Love,

Sarah The Blog Whore

~~~~~

Dear Ben,

Thanks for reading...:wubu: I swear I'll try harder this time. 

Love,

Sarah Third time is the charm

~~~~~

Dear thread hijackers,

KNOCK IT OFF FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY.

Cordially,

Moi


----------



## Sandie S-R (Jul 10, 2008)

activistfatgirl said:


> And therein lies the problem! It could be a myriad of people!
> 
> Tracijo, there's so much that could be said. Just so much. Much of what you wrote is debatable. I doubt many will want to engage with you when you've been so willing to degrade many, many people, and blame others for attacks that have read to many of us as _mutual _fighting.
> 
> ...



Dear AFG,

Good on ya. A very thoughtful post. And I like that about you! 

Glad you refrained from the personal attack.


----------



## mossystate (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear AFG, 

I think one of the points Traci was making, is that when something IS mutual, the penalty should not fall on just one party. As for your edited line, Traci is sometimes VERY spirited, and snarky ( not always bad ), as she herself has said, but, cruel....hardly. I have seen some of the snarkiest people liked by some who claim to hate such behavior. Sometimes it is about personalities clashing. Traci is one of the kindest people I have ' met ' out here. No matter the ins and outs of anything that goes on behind the scenes, she is a gem.

Mossystate


----------



## activistfatgirl (Jul 10, 2008)

Hey M,

I definitely disagree with you here, but I appreciate your candor. And I agree that TJ has been kind at times, helpful, insightful. It was a delight to see her babe and she's a smart, sharp, fierce woman. Those are my kind of women--of people. I'm glad you two have a friendship (make it in real life though!)

However, I will never, ever, be convinced that she hasn't made this bed herself, and doesn't ultimately take major responsibility for the majority (not all) of all of tufts she's been in. 

In terms of mutual accountability, I agree, people should be equally, fairly reprimanded. (What's up w/ Ripley, for example?) But that is negated when there's such a tremendous history of this behavior. I won't try to convince you that its fair, I know we disagree.

For the record, I wouldn't have banned TJ from the WB. I'm responding now to her choice to write the post on page 50 of this thread that in for me, crossed the last line. 

Shoot, I wanted to respond because I was glad that you chose to write back when I wasn't sure if you'd rather be angry. Heh. But I don't think there's much good in debating this, and I'm sure others are weary to read it, especially those who weren't even involved in the recent threads of question, which weren't in the lounge. I guess, well, she brought it here with all of her bravado. But, I don't deserve last word either. Can PM.

AFG


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 10, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> If she flat out named everyone on the board except for you, you'd still think it was about you.


 

Funniest thing i've read...ALL DAY.


----------



## Wagimawr (Jul 10, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> Funniest thing i've read...ALL DAY.


http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=43550

Check this thread too! hilarity ensued.


----------



## CleverBomb (Jul 10, 2008)

I hope you designed the MacBook to survive half a glass of unsweetened iced tea dumped into the keyboard.
Looks like I'll find out tomorrow when I try to boot it up.

-Rusty


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Jul 10, 2008)

Fact is Traci was talking about Me! I know it - she knows it - and that's all that matters. 

Thanks for sticking up for me honey. It was sweet. :wubu:


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Jul 10, 2008)

You know what? Actually I couldn't care less who you are or how long you've been anywhere??And because you're an FA (you know - when was the last time you dated a fat girl?) some people swoon over you. Give me a break. 





BothGunsBlazing said:


> Yeah, I know, I've already congratulated your wife on being fatter longer than most on this message board. I'm so glad that we've got one of the most intolerant people on the forum waving the flag for size acceptance.
> 
> Actually, I've been on Dims for about 10 yrs now in some capacity. Really, I've been enlightened about size acceptance since I was about 14. What took y'all so long to get into it?
> 
> ...


----------



## Sandie S-R (Jul 10, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> I hope you designed the MacBook to survive half a glass of unsweetened iced tea dumped into the keyboard.
> Looks like I'll find out tomorrow when I try to boot it up.
> 
> -Rusty



IMPORTANT - DO THIS NOW

Open it up the lap top completely, lay it face down on a towel and let it dry overnight completely. If you can, remove the keyboard from the case, clean it out gently with a can of air or a wet/dry vac. Wait at least 48 hours before you boot it up. 

We're praying for you.


----------



## CleverBomb (Jul 10, 2008)

Did that. (aside from disassembly)
Was only going to wait 24 hours -- if waiting longer will help, then I suppose I shall.
Thank you for your sympathy and advice!

-Rusty


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 10, 2008)

Had to deal with family stuff whilst the Traci stuff was going on, so I am late to the party.

Traci is one of the kindest people I have EVER met....thoughtful in the extreme, highly intelligent, compassionate...and good.

Snarky on occasion? You fucking bet...and she more than said that she baited without cause on occasion.....because...you know...everyone else on Dims is just perfect and loves everyone and everything. No sarcasm EVER.

I know that a lot of the women here don't agree with everything she said...thats why she said "many" instead of "all"...no one was put in a box unless they chose to do it themselves.

I see the letter is still there...which I think means Traci is...

I find it rather amazing that she is being made out to be some sort of villain when her behavior is ....well.....just one of so many.

Anyway..saying nothing felt like I was leaving my friend out to hang alone....saying something is probably meaningless...alas.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 10, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> You know what? Actually I couldn't care less who you are or how long you've been anywhere?? You're a punk who likes to think he's intelligent. And because you're an FA (you know - when was the last time you dated a fat girl?) some people swoon over you. Give me a break.



Okay, so if you don't care, stop responding to me. I, for one do care about you. I love how you pad my rep. It's so choice. 

And because I'm an FA some people swoon over me? Are you saying some women here swoon over anything that likes fat girls regardless of quality? That they're all like THANK GOD SOME ONE LIKES ME. What a fantastic attitude to have! I do so love how you're so into size acceptance. Keep waving that flag.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jul 10, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Okay, so if you don't care, stop responding to me. I, for one do care about you. I love how you pad my rep. It's so choice.
> 
> And because I'm an FA some people swoon over me? Are you saying some women here swoon over anything that likes fat girls regardless of quality? That they're all like THANK GOD SOME ONE LIKES ME. What a fantastic attitude to have! I do so love how you're so into size acceptance. Keep waving that flag.




Well, you are kinda cute.


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 10, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Okay, so if you don't care, stop responding to me. I, for one do care about you. I love how you pad my rep. It's so choice.
> 
> And because I'm an FA some people swoon over me? Are you saying some women here swoon over anything that likes fat girls regardless of quality? That they're all like THANK GOD SOME ONE LIKES ME. What a fantastic attitude to have! I do so love how you're so into size acceptance. Keep waving that flag.




Well, Punk...(ahem..).....do ya feel lucky?...do ya?


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear Traci-

The purpose of the Weight Board is to discuss fetishism and sexuality and *sexual fantasies.*

Expression of a sexual fantasy is merely expressing that *thinking about something* sexually arouses you.

It's not indicative of a plan to do something. It's not indicative of intentions to find a real life partner with whom to act it out. It's not a personal ad. It's not somebody telling us that right as they type those words there is a woman lying in his bed on the verge of death and he finds it hot.

Most of us have sexual fantasies or have had sexual thoughts that are disturbing and creepy even while we're having them. In many cases it helps to discuss them with others who might be like minded. Along the lines of "Ok it totally freaks me out but when I think about doing (something) I get really turned on. What is up with me?" In so many cases people who post these things are just looking for support. In so many cases including the very graphic post you refer to, the poster makes a HUGE point of saying that it's nothing he'd do in real life.

When you and others criticize things on the Weight Board, you become the very essence of the "Thought Police" because you literally are policing thoughts. Thoughts are never bad things, only actions are. Lots of families would be much happier today if Ted Bundy had merely _thought about _killing women.

You can very often see a difference in reaction when a poster says he's put something into action or actually plans to. You'll see things like "I used to purposely forget to buy low fat frozen yogurt and come home with premium high fat ice cream because i knew my wife would eat what was there" or even "Even though my wife wants to lose weight is it ok to discourage her?" Those posts get a much different response then "I'm having a fantasy about sex with a woman who weighs 750 pounds."

Nobody gets angry with you for disagreeing or for not being into feederism. We get angry when you come and tell us that, for lack of a better way of putting this, "we're thinking it wrong."

L.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 10, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I have never fully accepted what happened during that bout with the Id love to force feed her until she dies fantasy posted on the weight board, and with the moderating decisions that were made (posts critical of the very violent, very objectionable fantasy were deleted  several people who made critical posts that were no better or worse than the mainstream were banned).


Again, I think that was a watershed moment for this board. It really opened up people's eys in terms of how free is free speech, who really runs things and whose voices will be silenced. I know a lot of folks want it to die, but it does need to be brought up now and then.



RedVelvet said:


> Dear Traci....I will miss you terribly.
> ....Actually...I will miss you with skill, and verve.


I second this. 



pdgujer148 said:


> Dear Thread:
> 
> You were really enjoyable until page 50.


That's become a rule for the entire board, I think, although for most these days it hits that wall around page 10.



ripley said:


> Longevity doesn't make anyone's opinion more valid than anyone else's.


Oh, truthy truthiness! :bow:



BothGunsBlazing said:


> Oh and that last comment about keeping my nose out of things that don't concern me is hilarious. Since that is exactly what I was referring to in my response. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.
> 
> On a completely unrelated note .. How IS the shire these days?


Paging SNAP. You are needed in the OH room, stat.



NancyGirl74 said:


> Personally attacking people? Say it isn't so. Not here at Dims!


This is just a very pudgy simulation. These aren't real people at all. We're only 2 years away from Singularity, anyway. 



activistfatgirl said:


> I'll just say that your post is unfortunate and that I want you to know, and other women who read this, that you don't speak for all the women on Dimensions. You do speak for some, and I hope they can find a home after you chose to write that post. But you painted a pretty unfair picture that boxed a lot of us in.





mossystate said:


> I think one of the points Traci was making, is that when something IS mutual, the penalty should not fall on just one party. As for your edited line, Traci is sometimes VERY spirited, and snarky ( not always bad ), as she herself has said, but, cruel....hardly. I have seen some of the snarkiest people liked by some who claim to hate such behavior. Sometimes it is about personalities clashing. Traci is one of the kindest people I have ' met ' out here. No matter the ins and outs of anything that goes on behind the scenes, she is a gem.


There have been times here where she was singled out by people unfairly, making reasoned arguments and trounced for whatever reason (anti-fat, anti-clique, anti-whomever). I've been on the opposite side of her tongue sword, and I don't particularly like it. In some cases it was a personal issue, in others I rightly deserved being handed my ass. She IS opinionated and IS unflinching in her willingness to take off the gloves. In cases where she's wrong, she has admitted and apologized. It's the people who consistently blather on (note: not you) and don't think ANYTHING they do is ever, ever wrong or worth questioning that become the problem.


----------



## Sandie_Zitkus (Jul 10, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Okay, so if you don't care, stop responding to me.



I could ask the same of you. 




> And because I'm an FA some people swoon over me? Are you saying some women here swoon over anything that likes fat girls regardless of quality? That they're all like THANK GOD SOME ONE LIKES ME. What a fantastic attitude to have! I do so love how you're so into size acceptance. Keep waving that flag.



Are you an FA? I've seen no eveidence. And no I am not insulting the women here - seems they are smart enough not to date you.  Considering the lack of respect you show women in your posts I expect your much more so in person. 

Don't even try to give me shit about what I've done for SA - what have you done?? Really, I'm interested. 

So anyway, for the record - since this is the reason you decided to post to me: Traci and I have had a very nice email conversation. It was about me, and now I understand why. 

So - there ya go.


----------



## Tooz (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear this thread:
Deflecting questions with more questions is funny.


----------



## mossystate (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear Rat ,

I see you smelled the unprotected cheese and came out to pounce on the opportunity.


Chuckling From The Other Side Of The Room


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 10, 2008)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I could ask the same of you.
> 
> Are you an FA? I've seen no eveidence. And no I am not insulting the women here - seems they are smart enough not to date you.  Considering the lack of respect you show women in your posts I expect your much more so in person.



The lack of respect I show women or the lack of respect I show you? Oh, right, I forgot! Sandie Zitkus encompasses all the women on this forum! Silly me. 

Oh and you do realize I've been involved with women from this forum, right? Or did you just call them stupid? Just checking. 

Oh and since I am not dating anyone from this forum right now, you can go onto the weight board and check out my new thread BothGunsBlazing and his ex girlfriends at the lakehouse.

It's some good shit.


----------



## snuggletiger (Jul 10, 2008)

Chuckling at the poor rat cut down in his prime, Is the rat family taking up a collection. Now if Mossy had something to get rid of crickets then we could chuckle immensely


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jul 10, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Dear Rat ,
> 
> I see you smelled the unprotected cheese and came out to pounce on the opportunity.
> 
> ...



You have to be kidding. 

1. Traci has not been banned, so she's not unprotected.

2. In the past 2 pages, both you and RV have actively supported her and affirmed your friendship, so again that is hardly her being unprotected.

3. It was not pouncing, it was stating in a concise and non personal way why Weight Board particpants get angry with some posts.

4. I understand you dislike me. Everyone on this board understands it. So noted.


----------



## KevMoney (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear Jason Giambi's Moustache:

Recently, significant attention has been paid to you. Coming from a team that has been completely anti-individual for years, the Yankees have not only let you perch precariously upon the upper lip of Mr. Giambi, but in fact, have embraced it, as evidenced by the distribution of 20,000 fake moustaches to Yankees fans. As a baseball fan, I am happy to see this (even if I am a Red Sox fan), but I can't help but feel as though this is some (brilliant?) publicity scheme to divery attention away from the fact that the Yankees currently occupy third place in the American League East, behind the Rays and the Red Sox. I wonder if so much enthusiasm would be placed into the lip fur if the Yankees were in first place.


----------



## LisaInNC (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear LoveBHMS, 

You have a lot of nerve coming on here and trying to tell anyone about anything. You are NOT forgiven.
You are seriously the last person who should join in on any rock throwing.

Love, 
Lisa


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 10, 2008)

LisaInNC said:


> Dear LoveBHMS...



Regardless of one's opinions of her, the message is pretty spot-on. Even though she's on pretty much everyone's shit list- and I'll note that she is on mine as well- it doesn't make her points invalid.

EDIT: Just to note, again: I'm defending the sentiment, not the person.


----------



## Tooz (Jul 10, 2008)

LisaInNC said:


> Dear LoveBHMS,
> 
> You have a lot of nerve coming on here and trying to tell anyone about anything. You are NOT forgiven. You are seriously the last person who should join in on any rock throwing.
> 
> ...



Lisa:
Watch your mouth; two wrongs don't make a right. I'm sure any response will be filled with "blah blah blah takes one to know one," but one should know where the line is drawn.

Tooz


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear Illinois State University:

How many more hoops? Honestly? The T's and I's are dotted and crossed, in no particular order, and all I wanted to do was meet with someone for like 15 minutes. Now I wait until Monday...

And because it seems everyone has to comment on all the hubbub... the whole argument is starting to make me sad. Both sides are right AND wrong on many issues... let's agree to disagree, not prove who is MORE right... Opinions are not facts, and therefore shouldn't be able to prove anything.


----------



## Red (Jul 10, 2008)

Dearest Tooz,

You are so full of sense, ya make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 


Love 

Red


Dear people who will see above comment as 'arse kissing',

Yeah, what?

Love 

Red


----------



## Tooz (Jul 10, 2008)

Red said:


> Dearest Tooz,
> 
> You are so full of sense, ya make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
> 
> ...



Dear Red-
As in your rep comment, I love the way you say things.  Keep being extra wonderful.

Love,
Tooz


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 10, 2008)

Oh shit, get over it already.


----------



## SparklingBBW (Jul 10, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> When you and others criticize things on the Weight Board, you become the very essence of the "Thought Police" because you literally are policing thoughts. Thoughts are never bad things, only actions are. Lots of families would be much happier today if Ted Bundy had merely _thought about _killing women.
> 
> You can very often see a difference in reaction when a poster says he's put something into action or actually plans to. You'll see things like "I used to purposely forget to buy low fat frozen yogurt and come home with premium high fat ice cream because i knew my wife would eat what was there" or even "Even though my wife wants to lose weight is it ok to discourage her?" Those posts get a much different response then "I'm having a fantasy about sex with a woman who weighs 750 pounds."
> 
> ...



I really have to take issue with what you are saying here. Nobody is POLICING thoughts. Anybody can think anything they want. But when you take that thought and write about it in a forum, then you give action to your thoughts. You put it out there for review, the good, bad and the ugly. It is your right to express your thoughts and it is somebody elses right to express theirs in response. 

You should know this life lesson very well as we all witnessed what can happen when an expressed thought lands on the wrong ears. You can think all day and all night and all year and for the rest of your life about how much you hate my body or my cankles or how you could NEVER let your body look like mine, but once it is expressed in spoken or written form, then my dear, you have no more control over it. It is still true that some things are just better left unsaid. 

I reiterate, you are totally free to think anything you want, but you are also responsible for whatever happens once it is unleashed from your mind into the world. You are right when you say that Thoughts are never bad things, only actions are. But you have to remember that speaking, writing, texting, typing, e-mailing, etc. are all ACTIONS not just thoughts. 

I applaud TracyJo for writing what she did. I think she spoke for more women than anyone would care to admit here. And I think she should be allowed to continue to do so. I truly understand that Dims is Conrads domain, but if something is put out there where anybody can read it, then by turn it should follow that anyone can write a response to it, even if it is a negative one. And if you cant handle or simply dont want any negative reactions, then by all means, make the weight board members only. I would totally support that. Just like I think there needs to be an area exclusive for the SSBBW, I think it would be totally fair to have one for the FAs only, so that these fantasies and thoughts can be expressed without fear of backlash. 

.


----------



## ripley (Jul 10, 2008)

"I never truckled; I never took off the hat to Fashion and held it out for pennies. By God, I told them the truth." 
-- Frank Norris


----------



## lostjacket (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear Dims Board,

Sometimes you give me a headache. Goes back and starts posting in thread thread. Dims is a fun place, and is usually pretty welcoming. Lets get back to that.

Peace,
Stu

(A person who doesn't take anything he says on the internetz to damn seriously)


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 10, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> Oh shit, get over it already.



Dear Tooz, RV, Mossy, Red and Traci

I love you gals!!!! :wubu:

Wet smooches!

Chik


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 10, 2008)

Genarose......

:kiss2:


----------



## bigsexy920 (Jul 10, 2008)

Genarose, 

This is a great well thought out post. Thank you for bringing out what SO many people are thinking in a calm well constructed way. 

B


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jul 10, 2008)

LisaInNC said:


> Dear LoveBHMS,
> 
> You have a lot of nerve coming on here and trying to tell anyone about anything. You are NOT forgiven.
> You are seriously the last person who should join in on any rock throwing.
> ...



Dear Lisa, 

Thank you for telling it like it is.

Love,
Nancy



Genarose54 said:


> I really have to take issue with what you are saying here. Nobody is POLICING thoughts. Anybody can think anything they want. But when you take that thought and write about it in a forum, then you give action to your thoughts. You put it out there for review, the good, bad and the ugly. It is your right to express your thoughts and it is somebody elses right to express theirs in response.
> 
> You should know this life lesson very well as we all witnessed what can happen when an expressed thought lands on the wrong ears. You can think all day and all night and all year and for the rest of your life about how much you hate my body or my cankles or how you could NEVER let your body look like mine, but once it is expressed in spoken or written form, then my dear, you have no more control over it. It is still true that some things are just better left unsaid.
> 
> ...



Dear GenaRose,

YES YES YES!

Love, 
Nancy


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 10, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> Dear Tooz, RV, Mossy, Red and Traci
> 
> I love you gals!!!! :wubu:
> 
> ...


 

What was that about?


----------



## Tooz (Jul 10, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> What was that about?



Maybe she just loves us! :batting:


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 10, 2008)

Tooz said:


> Maybe she just loves us! :batting:


 

That's great. I'm not sure why she quoted me though.


----------



## Tooz (Jul 10, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> That's great. I'm not sure why she quoted me though.



Maybe she loves you extra.


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 10, 2008)

Just spreadin' some love around, hope that's ok??

Chik


----------



## supersoup (Jul 10, 2008)

dear beloved letters thread,

i know you are currently having a bout of thread type irritable bowel syndrome, but i still loves you.

in liquid love,
soupy

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

dear universe,

i get it okay? now, politely stop making everything i want unattainable. i can't take much more.

soup


----------



## goofy girl (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear Karma,

I need these reminders every once in a while. Yeah, it can suck..but how else will I learn. I appreciate every lesson you give me and considerate it a gift. 

Namaste.

Bridget


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Jul 10, 2008)

ripley said:


> Longevity doesn't make anyone's opinion more valid than anyone else's.


It certainly does when a person is young and doesn't know what he's talking about.


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 10, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> Just spreadin' some love around, hope that's ok??
> 
> Chik




YES...it is...

((((((You)))))


----------



## Tooz (Jul 10, 2008)

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> It certainly does when a person is young and doesn't know what he's talking about.



You can be young and know what you're talking about! Age is not always the sole determining factor.


----------



## lostjacket (Jul 10, 2008)

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> It certainly does when a person is young and doesn't know what he's talking about.


 
Wow. Thanks for that pearl. :doh:


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jul 10, 2008)

In general: 

Youth is temporary. Ignorance is ageless.


----------



## Paquito (Jul 10, 2008)

Tooz said:


> You can be young and know what you're talking about! Age is not always the sole determining factor.



I second that emotion. :bow:


----------



## Ash (Jul 10, 2008)

Oh lovely. ANOTHER reason for us all to hate each other. 

Youngs versus Olds! 

*starts snapping a la West Side Story*


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear All of this Bullshit,

I love a good knock-down drag-out as much as the next girl, but holy polkadotted christ can we all just tone down the vitriol a notch? Or better yet, make a sub-board for it called I Am SO Pissed Off at [insert name].

Love,
me


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Jul 10, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Yeah, I know, I've already congratulated your wife on being fatter longer than most on this message board.


That's one of the most inappropriate posts you've ever made, BGB - and you've posted some real doozies.... 




BothGunsBlazing said:


> Actually, I've been on Dims for about 10 yrs now in some capacity. Really, I've been enlightened about size acceptance since I was about 14. What took y'all so long to get into it?


And I've been an FA since I was ten yars old - in 1962. John F. Kennedy was president, and they were still making Studebakers.




BothGunsBlazing said:


> Seriously, what is the obsession with reminding everyone of how long you've been around as often as possible.


Because with age comes experience, something you will hopefully learn some day....




BothGunsBlazing said:


> Oh and that last comment about keeping my nose out of things that don't concern me is hilarious. Since that is exactly what I was referring to in my response. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.


----------



## Ash (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Dear All of this Bullshit,
> 
> I love a good knock-down drag-out as much as the next girl, but holy polkadotted christ can we all just tone down the vitriol a notch? Or better yet, make a sub-board for it called I Am SO Pissed Off at [insert name].
> 
> ...



Dear Waxwing,

I am SO pissed off...that the threadthread is dying. Save it! Hurry!

Love,
Your adoring wife


----------



## lostjacket (Jul 10, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Oh lovely. ANOTHER reason for us all to hate each other.
> 
> Youngs versus Olds!
> 
> *starts snapping a la West Side Story*


 
Screw everyone I just want to dance. I'M GOING TO MY PRIVATE PLACE!


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

MOMMY AND DADDY, STOP FIGHTING!!

*runs off crying, acts inappropriately, takes it out on a smaller creature*


----------



## angel-1 (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear "Lady",


You woke up, took a shower, did your hair, put on some make-up, a tiny top and a skirt smaller that a washcloth and went out in public. I'm sure you knew someone was going to look at you today. After all, anyone with some sense would know it'll happen whether they want it to or not. My question to you is, who the fuck do you think you are to get mad about it? The young man didn't say anything rude to you. All he did was look. I mean, he's a teenager for crying out loud. You stood there and got in his ass about it like he killed someone. And then you had the nerve to question the way he was raised? What the hell is that? Look, if you have a problem with people looking at you, PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON!!!!!!!! Or didn't your mother raise you better?

Angel


----------



## Ash (Jul 10, 2008)

lostjacket said:


> Screw everyone I just want to dance. I'M GOING TO MY PRIVATE PLACE!



*dances*

Like this?


----------



## lostjacket (Jul 10, 2008)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-gTkUcXGF_Q

I dance like this.


----------



## Ash (Jul 10, 2008)

lostjacket said:


> http://youtube.com/watch?v=-gTkUcXGF_Q
> 
> I dance like this.



I prefer this.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY&feature=user


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

Ashley said:


> I prefer this.
> 
> http://youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY&feature=user



I love that SO MUCH


----------



## Ash (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> I love that SO MUCH



Me too. It makes me cry.


----------



## lostjacket (Jul 10, 2008)

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1821531

I raise you. All in.


----------



## angel-1 (Jul 10, 2008)

Ashley said:


> I prefer this.
> 
> http://youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY&feature=user




As long as it's not this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1BMzB3cIwg


----------



## Paquito (Jul 10, 2008)

Dear Dimensions - 

I think a nice field trip would help calm everyone down.


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

angel-1 said:


> As long as it's not this!
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1BMzB3cIwg



Aw, I was just trying to look cool for the TV people.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Jul 10, 2008)

Tooz said:


> You can be young and know what you're talking about! Age is not always the sole determining factor.


I didn't say that ALL young people didn't know what they were talking about - just one young person in particular who has an awful lot he needs to learn about life and respecting others.


----------



## angel-1 (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Aw, I was just trying to look cool for the TV people.




OK, I forgive you.


----------



## Ash (Jul 10, 2008)

lostjacket said:


> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1821531
> 
> I raise you. All in.



I watched that video multiple times to prove to myself that the chick wasn't Six from Blossom.

Oh yeah. Early 90s sit-coms. I remember 'em.


----------



## lostjacket (Jul 10, 2008)

Ashley said:


> I watched that video multiple times to prove to myself that the chick wasn't Six from Blossom.
> 
> Oh yeah. Early 90s sit-coms. I remember 'em.


 
Wooooooooah.


Woooah.


Woooaaaaaaah.


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

Ashley said:


> I watched that video multiple times to prove to myself that the chick wasn't Six from Blossom.
> 
> Oh yeah. Early 90s sit-coms. I remember 'em.



In college some dude in a bar told me I looked like the chick who played Blossom. I punched him in the gut.

later? i cried a little.


----------



## Ash (Jul 10, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> In college some dude in a bar told me I looked like the chick who played Blossom. I punched him in the gut.
> 
> later? i cried a little.



That guy was drunk. You are way hotter than her.

(*pretends she doesn't know that Blossom was played by Mayim Bialik*

*also pretends she had to google that*)


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 10, 2008)

Ashley said:


> That guy was drunk. You are way hotter than her.
> 
> (*pretends she doesn't know that Blossom was played by Mayim Bialik*
> 
> *also pretends she had to google that*)



Dork
:wubu:


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 10, 2008)

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> needs to learn about life and respecting others.


 


I think you need to teach this 'lesson' in your own home first.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 11, 2008)

When you have a single clue about me I'll begin to feel care what you think. Oh and a long history of breaking the rules? Hm, interesting. No one has ever had a problem with me before.


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Jul 11, 2008)

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> Since you've only been here at Dims a little over a year, I would suggest that you keep your nose out of issues that do not concern you.





Wayne_Zitkus said:


> It certainly does when a person is young and doesn't know what he's talking about.





Wayne_Zitkus said:


> I didn't say that ALL young people didn't know what they were talking about - just one young person in particular who has an awful lot he needs to learn about life and respecting others.


Trying to throw in a quick disclaimer after you've already insulted all the young people and/or newcomers on the board doesn't make everything better.


----------



## Ernest Nagel (Jul 11, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Traci-
> 
> The purpose of the Weight Board is to discuss fetishism and sexuality and *sexual fantasies.*
> 
> ...





Genarose54 said:


> I really have to take issue with what you are saying here. Nobody is POLICING thoughts. Anybody can think anything they want. But when you take that thought and write about it in a forum, then you give action to your thoughts. You put it out there for review, the good, bad and the ugly. It is your right to express your thoughts and it is somebody elses right to express theirs in response.
> 
> You should know this life lesson very well as we all witnessed what can happen when an expressed thought lands on the wrong ears. You can think all day and all night and all year and for the rest of your life about how much you hate my body or my cankles or how you could NEVER let your body look like mine, but once it is expressed in spoken or written form, then my dear, you have no more control over it. It is still true that some things are just better left unsaid.
> 
> ...



Gena, bumping this because I can't rep you again _yet_. Thanks for a typically articulate, civil and well reasoned post. :bow: :wubu:


----------



## That1BigGirl (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear Scrappy Looking guy in the car mooing at me today:

It isn't that you were issuing the sounds of a mating call of a heifer in heat at me while parked in the parking lot of the store, while tending to my sick child, it was that you encouraged the children in the car with you to do so and also get louder and louder with their calls of "fatty fatty fat so". My problems with this are the following:

1. You should have noted that I am a female, (you do come here quite often enough to know that) and while I may or may not be of a different sexual orientation outside of gayfully forward, it's really a better assumption to assume I am in fact on the straight and narrow. Thus, you should know that you shouldn't be using the mating call of a heifer in heat towards me. Although, maybe since I was tending to my child you were actually intending it to be more of the call a mother cow calls to her bawling calf? Either way, wrong.

2. You didn't reach back and jap-slap those children. Oh I am not a proponent of child abuse but I got smacked and whipped a few times as a child and I survived to be a better person.

3. You actually had the balls to do this, while I was holding an obviously sick child and could not (would not really) "defend" myself. As you know me quite well from visiting the store often, you will know that the next time you come into the parking lot, you will be met with a shot gun. Don't believe me? I'm waiting with Ol' Joe now. I'm not saying that I am going to shoot you. In fact, I have no such plans. However your pack of cigarettes a day business is not worth it to me to have to put up with such rudeness. This is private property and it's MINE. You just screwed yourself out of the only place open within an hour drive after 8pm (and I know that you don't normally come out of your daily Meth induced stupor until 9). MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


All is well that ends well I do say. As a few true gentlemen caught wind of this episode (not from me either) they offered to go to your house and do you harm (you forgot this is a small town and I know your name and where you live? Oops!) I, being a true lady requested no such recourse. Being a true b*T(# will take care of it on my own with said details in item number 3. I would also have you know that I was also rewarded with freshly picked flowers and charming comments about my beauty. *Swoon* While I don't need them (flowers or compliments) I did appreciate them a lot. 

I guess I should probably scrap this letter. I know you didn't make it past the 9th grade and to be honest I really don't know if you can read.

Thanks for everything you scrawny bottom feeder,

~T1BG~


----------



## Sugar (Jul 11, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> In college some dude in a bar told me I looked like the chick who played Blossom. I punched him in the gut.
> 
> later? i cried a little.



You're about a billion times prettier than Blossom. Now if he said you looked like Joey...whoa!


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear Dimensions.....

Why is there fighting in a supposed size acceptance forum?

Why must the old try to snark at the young and then act aghast when the young fight back?

Why must the thin badmouth the fat behind their back?

Why must someone who's been around 4 years flap their gums and put people down then justify it with the fact they've been around longer?

Why must the people who don't like the weight and paysite board continually go there and attack people and what they're open to?

Why are there F/A's that every question out of their mouth is weight related and come off spooky?

Why is Goofy's ass constantly on my screen?...wait, that's a good thing, nevermind that one :doh:

Why do some members make polls designed as bear traps to get people to confess what kind of fetishes they have?

I could go on but this is enough negativity to last a lifetime, I can't wait till Labor Day when the negativity....at least for me....ends.


----------



## angel-1 (Jul 11, 2008)

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! We all get it already. BGB and The Zitkus' hate each other. IT'S NOT NEWS!!!! "I'm smarter than you" "I have more of a right to be here than you" I'm older and wiser" "I'm more clever than you" "I'm this, you're that" ENOUGH ALREADY. You people sound like 3rd graders. So what, someone doesn't agree with feeding someone to death fantasies. So what, some people here are opinionated. NEWS FLASH, YOU FUCKERS, WE ARE ALL OPINIONATED!!!!! Genarose got it right. Here's the more street version. If you don't like the idea of someone giving you their opinion, whether mature or not, DON'T FUCKING POST ANYTHING, ASSHOLES!!!! I'm sick of this shit. Now, the very smart, funny and unbelievably cute (DAMN!!!!!!) Supersoup started this thread by saying "....need to get something off your chest, yet can't do it just yet? Have at it here". That's what I've been seeing here. That's what I've done here. Looks to me like that's what TraciJo did. Stop being so sensitive. None of us are perfect. And if you think you are, you need to stop eating that steaming bowl of bullshit the people you're around are feeding you. PUT THE BOWL DOWN!!!!! THIS PLACE IS NOT JUST FOR YOU!!!!! NOT JUST ABOUT YOU!!!! If TraciJo is angry and has something to say, she has a right to say it. We all do. Welcome to America!!! I read her post and saw only one name, CONRAD!!! I saw no one else's name. As far as I'm concerned, if he or anyone here is fucking up, they need to get checked, PERIOD!!!!!!!! And yes, if he is fucking up, it concerns all of us. Public forums are just that, Public. If you can't handle that, stay away. I understand that people have the right to respond to PERSONAL attacks. But Damn!!!! Is it really necessary to put your beef out there like this? You mean to tell me you can't co exist? You can't ignore each other? Don't get it twisted, I speak for Angel-1 and Angel-1 only. If others agree, fine. If they don't, that's just as fine. You people with your school yard no pubic hair having beef are fucking this up for me AND I DON'T APPRECIATE IT. You people have been clawing at each other for a long time, BOOOORRRRINNNG!!!! Listen, if you think someone is saying something about you, find out if it's a fact then handle it IN PRIVATE!!!! I don't log in to feast on drama. DRAMA DON'T TASTE GOOD!!!! I come here because I love this place. There are people here I care about, DEEPLY!!!! And even the people I'm not friends with, I care about them. I want them to be well. I come here because I feel I still have a lot to learn and hopefully something to give. I want to keep caring about this place. If you people wont get your shit together, will you please extend the rest of us some fucking courtesy and stop this nonsense? PLEASE? Handle whatever beef you have away from here, through emails or phone calls. Life is filled with enough drama. If I want more, all I have to do is what I've been doing, LIVING!!!! Wayne, BGB, if the shit is that serious, do what real men do and beat the shit out of each other and get it over with. If not, here's some advice for you, GROW THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!!! Now, who the fuck's got a problem with that?


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 11, 2008)

angel-1 said:


> OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! We all get it already. BGB and The Zitkus' hate each other. IT'S NOT NEWS!!!! "I'm smarter than you" "I have more of a right to be here than you" I'm older and wiser" "I'm more clever than you" "I'm this, you're that" ENOUGH ALREADY. You people sound like 3rd graders. So what, someone doesn't agree with feeding someone to death fantasies. So what, some people here are opinionated. NEWS FLASH, YOU FUCKERS, WE ARE ALL OPINIONATED!!!!! Genarose got it right. Here's the more street version. If you don't like the idea of someone giving you their opinion, whether mature or not, DON'T FUCKING POST ANYTHING, ASSHOLES!!!! I'm sick of this shit. Now, the very smart, funny and unbelievably cute (DAMN!!!!!!) Supersoup started this thread by saying "....need to get something off your chest, yet can't do it just yet? Have at it here". That's what I've been seeing here. That's what I've done here. Looks to me like that's what TraciJo did. Stop being so sensitive. None of us are perfect. And if you think you are, you need to stop eating that steaming bowl of bullshit the people you're around are feeding you. PUT THE BOWL DOWN!!!!! THIS PLACE IS NOT JUST FOR YOU!!!!! NOT JUST ABOUT YOU!!!! If TraciJo is angry and has something to say, she has a right to say it. We all do. Welcome to America!!! I read her post and saw only one name, CONRAD!!! I saw no one else's name. As far as I'm concerned, if he or anyone here is fucking up, they need to get checked, PERIOD!!!!!!!! And yes, if he is fucking up, it concerns all of us. Public forums are just that, Public. If you can't handle that, stay away. I understand that people have the right to respond to PERSONAL attacks. But Damn!!!! Is it really necessary to put your beef out there like this? You mean to tell me you can't co exist? You can't ignore each other? Don't get it twisted, I speak for Angel-1 and Angel-1 only. If others agree, fine. If they don't, that's just as fine. You people with your school yard no pubic hair having beef are fucking this up for me AND I DON'T APPRECIATE IT. You people have been clawing at each other for a long time, BOOOORRRRINNNG!!!! Listen, if you think someone is saying something about you, find out if it's a fact then handle it IN PRIVATE!!!! I don't log in to feast on drama. DRAMA DON'T TASTE GOOD!!!! I come here because I love this place. There are people here I care about, DEEPLY!!!! And even the people I'm not friends with, I care about them. I want them to be well. I come here because I feel I still have a lot to learn and hopefully something to give. I want to keep caring about this place. If you people wont get your shit together, will you please extend the rest of us some fucking courtesy and stop this nonsense? PLEASE? Handle whatever beef you have away from here, through emails or phone calls. Life is filled with enough drama. If I want more, all I have to do is what I've been doing, LIVING!!!! Wayne, BGB, if the shit is that serious, do what real men do and beat the shit out of each other and get it over with. If not, here's some advice for you, GROW THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!!! Now, who the fuck's got a problem with that?



*starts waving a towel in your face* Great post but time to cool off......*turns the AC on*


----------



## angel-1 (Jul 11, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> *starts waving a towel in your face* Great post but time to cool off......*turns the AC on*



Thanks for the towel. Cold shower is in effect.


----------



## furious styles (Jul 11, 2008)

^ I tried to read that ocean of text but my eyes broke. :[





*DOOM'S LOG :* _[stardate .. july 11th .. point two]_ : Nowhere is safe, now. The infection has spread all the way across the forum. I'm making a last ditch attempt at this by camping out in the Events & Community : Other areas section, where there have been a grand total of 27 threads made, ever. I'll wait it out. It's got to be safe. 


I am building a fort there. 

With pillows.




you may or may not be invited


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 11, 2008)

Back on topic...


Dear Pat Purcell

you are a greedy fingerless bastard.

You want to lay off hardworking Americans because you refuse to put any money of your own into a paper that's actually in the black.

You want to send 50 year old men to job hunting when they haven't done it in 30 years and you want to send 22-25 year olds back to school even if they bypassed it to work initially.

I hope you rot in hell next to Joe Donelli

- Hayes

P.S. I got your missing finger right here *flips the bird*


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 11, 2008)

angel-1 said:


> OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! We all get it already. BGB and The Zitkus' hate each other. IT'S NOT NEWS!!!! "I'm smarter than you" "I have more of a right to be here than you" I'm older and wiser" "I'm more clever than you" "I'm this, you're that" ENOUGH ALREADY. You people sound like 3rd graders. So what, someone doesn't agree with feeding someone to death fantasies. So what, some people here are opinionated. NEWS FLASH, YOU FUCKERS, WE ARE ALL OPINIONATED!!!!! Genarose got it right. Here's the more street version. If you don't like the idea of someone giving you their opinion, whether mature or not, DON'T FUCKING POST ANYTHING, ASSHOLES!!!! I'm sick of this shit. Now, the very smart, funny and unbelievably cute (DAMN!!!!!!) Supersoup started this thread by saying "....need to get something off your chest, yet can't do it just yet? Have at it here". That's what I've been seeing here. That's what I've done here. Looks to me like that's what TraciJo did. Stop being so sensitive. None of us are perfect. And if you think you are, you need to stop eating that steaming bowl of bullshit the people you're around are feeding you. PUT THE BOWL DOWN!!!!! THIS PLACE IS NOT JUST FOR YOU!!!!! NOT JUST ABOUT YOU!!!! If TraciJo is angry and has something to say, she has a right to say it. We all do. Welcome to America!!! I read her post and saw only one name, CONRAD!!! I saw no one else's name. As far as I'm concerned, if he or anyone here is fucking up, they need to get checked, PERIOD!!!!!!!! And yes, if he is fucking up, it concerns all of us. Public forums are just that, Public. If you can't handle that, stay away. I understand that people have the right to respond to PERSONAL attacks. But Damn!!!! Is it really necessary to put your beef out there like this? You mean to tell me you can't co exist? You can't ignore each other? Don't get it twisted, I speak for Angel-1 and Angel-1 only. If others agree, fine. If they don't, that's just as fine. You people with your school yard no pubic hair having beef are fucking this up for me AND I DON'T APPRECIATE IT. You people have been clawing at each other for a long time, BOOOORRRRINNNG!!!! Listen, if you think someone is saying something about you, find out if it's a fact then handle it IN PRIVATE!!!! I don't log in to feast on drama. DRAMA DON'T TASTE GOOD!!!! I come here because I love this place. There are people here I care about, DEEPLY!!!! And even the people I'm not friends with, I care about them. I want them to be well. I come here because I feel I still have a lot to learn and hopefully something to give. I want to keep caring about this place. If you people wont get your shit together, will you please extend the rest of us some fucking courtesy and stop this nonsense? PLEASE? Handle whatever beef you have away from here, through emails or phone calls. Life is filled with enough drama. If I want more, all I have to do is what I've been doing, LIVING!!!! Wayne, BGB, if the shit is that serious, do what real men do and beat the shit out of each other and get it over with. If not, here's some advice for you, GROW THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!!! Now, who the fuck's got a problem with that?



Somebody please please PLEASE rep Angel for me!!! 

Thank you! :happy: :bow:


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (Jul 11, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> Somebody please please PLEASE rep Angel for me!!!
> 
> Thank you! :happy: :bow:



Got her for you. 


Now would somebody please rep mfdoom for me.:bow:


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 11, 2008)

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> And not everyone thinks everything you post is clever. In fact, many people are tired of your childish references to masturbation.



Yeah....think you are confusing him with someone else...


Someone else I ALSO like...but someone else indeed.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 11, 2008)

angel-1 said:


> OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! We all get it already. BGB and The Zitkus' hate each other. IT'S NOT NEWS!!!! "I'm smarter than you" "I have more of a right to be here than you" I'm older and wiser" "I'm more clever than you" "I'm this, you're that" ENOUGH ALREADY. You people sound like 3rd graders. So what, someone doesn't agree with feeding someone to death fantasies. So what, some people here are opinionated. NEWS FLASH, YOU FUCKERS, WE ARE ALL OPINIONATED!!!!! Genarose got it right. Here's the more street version. If you don't like the idea of someone giving you their opinion, whether mature or not, DON'T FUCKING POST ANYTHING, ASSHOLES!!!! I'm sick of this shit. Now, the very smart, funny and unbelievably cute (DAMN!!!!!!) Supersoup started this thread by saying "....need to get something off your chest, yet can't do it just yet? Have at it here". That's what I've been seeing here. That's what I've done here. Looks to me like that's what TraciJo did. Stop being so sensitive. None of us are perfect. And if you think you are, you need to stop eating that steaming bowl of bullshit the people you're around are feeding you. PUT THE BOWL DOWN!!!!! THIS PLACE IS NOT JUST FOR YOU!!!!! NOT JUST ABOUT YOU!!!! If TraciJo is angry and has something to say, she has a right to say it. We all do. Welcome to America!!! I read her post and saw only one name, CONRAD!!! I saw no one else's name. As far as I'm concerned, if he or anyone here is fucking up, they need to get checked, PERIOD!!!!!!!! And yes, if he is fucking up, it concerns all of us. Public forums are just that, Public. If you can't handle that, stay away. I understand that people have the right to respond to PERSONAL attacks. But Damn!!!! Is it really necessary to put your beef out there like this? You mean to tell me you can't co exist? You can't ignore each other? Don't get it twisted, I speak for Angel-1 and Angel-1 only. If others agree, fine. If they don't, that's just as fine. You people with your school yard no pubic hair having beef are fucking this up for me AND I DON'T APPRECIATE IT. You people have been clawing at each other for a long time, BOOOORRRRINNNG!!!! Listen, if you think someone is saying something about you, find out if it's a fact then handle it IN PRIVATE!!!! I don't log in to feast on drama. DRAMA DON'T TASTE GOOD!!!! I come here because I love this place. There are people here I care about, DEEPLY!!!! And even the people I'm not friends with, I care about them. I want them to be well. I come here because I feel I still have a lot to learn and hopefully something to give. I want to keep caring about this place. If you people wont get your shit together, will you please extend the rest of us some fucking courtesy and stop this nonsense? PLEASE? Handle whatever beef you have away from here, through emails or phone calls. Life is filled with enough drama. If I want more, all I have to do is what I've been doing, LIVING!!!! Wayne, BGB, if the shit is that serious, do what real men do and beat the shit out of each other and get it over with. If not, here's some advice for you, GROW THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!!! Now, who the fuck's got a problem with that?



How seriously do you think I am taking this? I thought everyone else found this funny as well? Damn, if I'd of known some one was actually getting bent out of shape over this I'd just switch to talking about chronic masturbation like I apparently usually do. 

Good lord!


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear Masturbator Haters,

Masturbators are people too! It's a preference, damnit! 

Masturbator Supporter,
NancyGirl74

*Chants: Don't be a hater! Hug a masturbator!*


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> How seriously do you think I am taking this? I thought everyone else found this funny as well? Damn, if I'd of known some one was actually getting bent out of shape over this I'd just switch to *talking about chronic masturbation* like I apparently usually do.
> 
> Good lord!




Quite.

Where's a Blackjack when you need one?

....and yes...its funny..tis......all the fights tend to make me laugh a lot..but there are lots of people who find it extremely stressful....I see both sides. Like Carrie said below....lots of power being given to strangers when you get your knickers in a bunch. Not that I PERSONALLY have done that...oh no...no sir-ee....nope.

(Said with love, Blackjack if you are reading this....said with loooove...)


----------



## Carrie (Jul 11, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Dimensions.....
> 
> Why is there fighting in a supposed size acceptance forum?
> 
> ...


Why? Because this is an internet forum, comprised of all kinds of people with a wide range of life experience and mindsets, set against the backdrop of a subject that is an emotionally hot topic for most of us, for various reasons. It's not all rainbows and ponies and lollipops, and it never will be (thank god, or I'd be so outta here). At the end of the day, this place is comprised of people - a lot of us - and people, in groups, talk and laugh and fight and gripe and snipe and giggle and bicker. It's just what we do. I wouldn't go to a very large social gathering of people and expect everyone to sit in a circle and sing Kumbaya, so I guess my question is, why are people so shocked when people here act like... people? And with the added challenge of text-only communication, with no accompanying facial expressions to help avoid misunderstandings, most days I think it's a miracle that we get along as well as we do. 

That being said, I think we can all take a lesson from parts of angel-1's post. What someone says to me is out of my control, but how I react? That's completely up to me. And when I allow some anonymous internet dork(TM) to get my panties all in a twist, that's giving that person a lot of power over me, and I end up expending a ton of time and energy on trying to defend myself to someone who ultimately probably considers _me_ an anonymous internet dork(TM), and nothing I say or do is ever going to change that. I mean, think about it: how many times at the end of an in-thread sniping session have you ever seen one of the involved parties go, "Oh my god, you're right, I AM a dipwad! Thank you for helping me see the light! From this day on I will crusade against all dipwaddery, thanks to you...."? Never, right? (Dipwaddery's a pretty good word, though, and eff you, Firefox, if you think it's not.)

So I don't know. A good dose of kindness, understanding and perspective would certainly help everyone, but this place will never be drama-free or negativity-free, because, quite simply, people aren't. Fortunately, I happen to like us that way. 






P.S. Anyone who disagrees with this post is a dipwad.


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 11, 2008)

And this is why I fell in love with Carrie in the first place.


"I yam so-smart! S-M-R-T!"

(God..I need to remember to come back and rep this woman when I can again!)


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jul 11, 2008)

Got her for ya, RV (and for me, too). 

Kevin, I agree with most of what ya said (I've got a lot to do this morning, so I'm not going to find it and quote it), except the thinly-veiled (if veiled at all) references to Ripley. Her intention was never to TRAP anybody (Unless something's changed, you don't HAVE to answer a poll when you read it) - she was trying to learn more about FAs, which, personally, I think was a noble intention. Hell, I learned a lot from reading that thread myself before it got so derailed. If somebody's inappropriate word choice is reason for crucifying them, frankly, I'm surprised I'm still alive and kicking, as we ALL say the wrong thing at times. (God knows *I* have). She's taken enough flack for it. Enough. She learned whatever lesson she could have possibly learned from being hung out to dry, she won't be bothering any of you in the weight board again, and there's nothing else that can come of continued jabs at her. Just...enough. Thanks.


----------



## jamie (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear Pixeltater....

I love how the first time you see me after we have been apart for a while you jump up in a twisty-spiraly-pretzely mess and then prance on your two back feet until I pick you up (even if it has only been 5 minutes while I run out of the room to the bathroom). It warms my heart and makes me feel like the most loved person on the planet. I love how you claim me when you are sitting next me on the couch with your little teeny bone by putting your other paw on me somewhere. I love how you squeak and bark and wag the stuffin out of yourself until you get to lick all of my makeup off in the morning. You have made the past four months all happy and swoon-filled.

p.s. dear husband and cats...y'all are loved too, but this is for the baby. :kiss2:
p.p.s sorry this interrupts the other topic...just having a puppy love moment.


----------



## Carrie (Jul 11, 2008)

jamie said:


> Dear Pixeltater....
> 
> I love how the first time you see me after we have been apart for a while you jump up in a twisty-spiraly-pretzely mess and then prance on your two back feet until I pick you up (even if it has only been 5 minutes while I run out of the room to the bathroom). It warms my heart and makes me feel like the most loved person on the planet. I love how you claim me when you are sitting next me on the couch with your little teeny bone by putting your other paw on me somewhere. I love how you squeak and bark and wag the stuffin out of yourself until you get to lick all of my makeup off in the morning. You have made the past four months all happy and swoon-filled.
> 
> ...


Dearest Jamie, 

If you think you can post something like this and not post a picture of said puppy cuteness, I will be forced to label you a puppy cuteness tease. 

Sincerely,
Me.


P.S. I love how puppy cuteness makes everything okay. :wubu:


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 11, 2008)

Carrie said:


> Why? Because this is an internet forum, comprised of all kinds of people with a wide range of life experience and mindsets, set against the backdrop of a subject that is an emotionally hot topic for most of us, for various reasons. It's not all rainbows and ponies and lollipops, and it never will be (thank god, or I'd be so outta here). At the end of the day, this place is comprised of people - a lot of us - and people, in groups, talk and laugh and fight and gripe and snipe and giggle and bicker. It's just what we do. I wouldn't go to a very large social gathering of people and expect everyone to sit in a circle and sing Kumbaya, so I guess my question is, why are people so shocked when people here act like... people? And with the added challenge of text-only communication, with no accompanying facial expressions to help avoid misunderstandings, most days I think it's a miracle that we get along as well as we do.
> 
> That being said, I think we can all take a lesson from parts of angel-1's post. What someone says to me is out of my control, but how I react? That's completely up to me. And when I allow some anonymous internet dork(TM) to get my panties all in a twist, that's giving that person a lot of power over me, and I end up expending a ton of time and energy on trying to defend myself to someone who ultimately probably considers _me_ an anonymous internet dork(TM), and nothing I say or do is ever going to change that. I mean, think about it: how many times at the end of an in-thread sniping session have you ever seen one of the involved parties go, "Oh my god, you're right, I AM a dipwad! Thank you for helping me see the light! From this day on I will crusade against all dipwaddery, thanks to you...."? Never, right? (Dipwaddery's a pretty good word, though, and eff you, Firefox, if you think it's not.)
> 
> ...



I come to dimensions to get away from the bickering, backstabbing world of the Boston Herald, so it drives me crazy when the antics of the "people" you mention mirror that of the flim flammers I try to get away from.

I don't expect everyone to sit around and sing kumbaya but 6 threads out of 10 degenerate into flame wars, and its starting to get serious.

But hey, if you condone people that wanna put the gloves on and and go a few rounds, I'll be there for some sparring action .


----------



## Carrie (Jul 11, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> I come to dimensions to get away from the bickering, backstabbing world of the Boston Herald, so it drives me crazy when the antics of the "people" you mention mirror that of the flim flammers I try to get away from.
> 
> I don't expect everyone to sit around and sing kumbaya but 6 threads out of 10 degenerate into flame wars, and its starting to get serious.
> 
> But hey, if you condone people that wanna put the gloves on and and go a few rounds, I'll be there for some sparring action .


That wasn't really my point. My point was that people will be people. This isn't a commune, so expecting people to behave as though it is, because _you're_ looking for an escape from the world, is bound to frustrate you. I do, however, condone variety and spice, and if everyone got along all the time, this would be a pretty boring place. 

I'll say one more thing to you, KHayes, and feel free to tell me to eff off, or you can absorb it and consider it from the hopefully thoughtful tone in which it is intended. If you're truly coming here hoping for a positive, fun, enjoyable experience, set that tone yourself. I've seen more than one post from you where you yourself were guilty of flaming fires or saying hurtful things. Consider what you've done to contribute to the overall negativity here to which you object. This place *is* what we make of it, y'know?


----------



## butch (Jul 11, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Got her for ya, RV (and for me, too).
> 
> Kevin, I agree with most of what ya said (I've got a lot to do this morning, so I'm not going to find it and quote it), except the thinly-veiled (if veiled at all) references to Ripley. Her intention was never to TRAP anybody (Unless something's changed, you don't HAVE to answer a poll when you read it) - she was trying to learn more about FAs, which, personally, I think was a noble intention. Hell, I learned a lot from reading that thread myself before it got so derailed. If somebody's inappropriate word choice is reason for crucifying them, frankly, I'm surprised I'm still alive and kicking, as we ALL say the wrong thing at times. (God knows *I* have). She's taken enough flack for it. Enough. She learned whatever lesson she could have possibly learned from being hung out to dry, she won't be bothering any of you in the weight board again, and there's nothing else that can come of continued jabs at her. Just...enough. Thanks.



I have to second this because most people didn't post about their poll answers, they just anonymously picked from the category, so I have no idea who, besides wrestlingguy and largenlovely and myself, were explicit about what aspects of the poll corresponded with their turn ons. So, yeah, if you didn't own up to your kinks on that thread, I don't see what you have to complain about in terms of feeling 'trapped.'

So yeah, bashing ripley for something that, what, 3 people admitted to publicly, is bad form.


----------



## Wagimawr (Jul 11, 2008)

Carrie said:


> how many times at the end of an in-thread sniping session have you ever seen one of the involved parties go, "Oh my god, you're right, I AM a dipwad! Thank you for helping me see the light! From this day on I will crusade against all dipwaddery, thanks to you...."? Never, right?


Nobody here cares about what anybody else here thinks.

Right?

I'd certainly agree with that, and I've heard the same wisdom(?) espoused on other forums that I frequent; not to mention that the one thing I've learned from being on the internet is that you're NEVER as right as you think you are, IF your definition of "right" includes "and everybody agrees with me".

I mean, I hate to say it, but lolinterbutts.



butch said:


> I have to second this because most people didn't post about their poll answers, they just anonymously picked from the category, so I have no idea who, besides wrestlingguy and largenlovely and myself, were explicit about what aspects of the poll corresponded with their turn ons. So, yeah, if you didn't own up to your kinks on that thread, I don't see what you have to complain about in terms of feeling 'trapped.'
> 
> So yeah, bashing ripley for something that, what, 3 people admitted to publicly, is bad form.


I've said it before and I'll say it again, if that poll thread was somehow supposed to offend FAs, then it failed miserably.

I, for one, would start the EXACT SAME THREAD all over again IF people could keep the bullshit and bickering to themselves. I was sorely tempted at one point, but with the attitudes around here lately, is it *really* worth it?


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 11, 2008)

angel-1 said:


> OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! We all get it already. BGB and The Zitkus' hate each other. IT'S NOT NEWS!!!! *REDACTED*


 
I agree with all of that but: Carriage return - Let me show you it. 



mfdoom said:


> ^ I tried to read that ocean of text but my eyes broke. :[
> 
> *DOOM'S LOG :* _[stardate .. july 11th .. point two]_ : Nowhere is safe, now. The infection has spread all the way across the forum. I'm making a last ditch attempt at this by camping out in the Events & Community : Other areas section, where there have been a grand total of 27 threads made, ever. I'll wait it out. It's got to be safe.
> 
> ...


Doom's Log, supplemental. The fort is completed but we've run out of Twinkies and Yoo-Hoo. The redshirts are beginning to look...tasty. My only hope is that the Vulcan can hold out long enough so that he doesn't become peckish and eat our security team. I....dontknowhattodo...BONES! 



NancyGirl74 said:


> Masturbators are people too! It's a preference, damnit!


 Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

Either way, a masturbator is easy to spot, they're the one crushing beercans between their thumb and pinky fingers, flexing their unilaterally enhanced Popeye arm.


----------



## Jack Skellington (Jul 11, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Either way, a masturbator is easy to spot, they're the one crushing beercans between their thumb and pinky fingers, flexing their unilaterally enhanced Popeye arm.



DO NOT put that disturbing image of Popeye in my head.


----------



## ValentineBBW (Jul 11, 2008)

Carrie said:


> Dearest Jamie,
> 
> If you think you can post something like this and not post a picture of said puppy cuteness, I will be forced to label you a puppy cuteness tease.
> 
> ...



Dearest Carrie,

You are so right about this.

Sincerely,
Me.


Dearest Jamie,

Please don't force us to label you a tease, postpixplz.

Sincerely,
puppy lover


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 11, 2008)

Jack Skellington said:


> DO NOT put that disturbing image of Popeye in my head.


Just think if he had eaten his spinach! It'd be like a superman orgasm. Blowing Olive across the room and stuff.


----------



## Ernest Nagel (Jul 11, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Just think if he had eaten his spinach! It'd be like a superman orgasm. Blowing Olive across the room and stuff.



My theory has always been that Popeye was a closeted FA. Olive Oyl was just his method of social denial. You don't honestly think he got those huge forearms just from coiling rope, do you? If squeezing the spinach out of those cans wasn't a thinly veiled metaphor for self-release, what was it? Beating up on poor BHM Bluto was his way of acting out his anger over his inability to have a woman that resembled his chin, which was clearly only a way of getting the image of a bodacious BBW butt past the censors. 

"All great ideas are obvious in retrospect." ~ Edward de Bono (npi) :bow:


----------



## Jack Skellington (Jul 11, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Just think if he had eaten his spinach! It'd be like a superman orgasm. Blowing Olive across the room and stuff.



This is giving me a Mall Rats vibe for some reason.


----------



## jamie (Jul 11, 2008)

Dearest, sweetpeas, Val and Carrie and other unnamed parties -

Here is the photographic evidence you requested:

Pre-first haircut






One month older and post-first haircut (I nearly died when they brought her out all short, but she is so happy and cooled off now):





Signed,
Blissfully, blubbering in the Bluegrass


----------



## ValentineBBW (Jul 11, 2008)

jamie said:


> Dearest, sweetpeas, Val and Carrie and other unnamed parties -
> 
> Here is the photographic evidence you requested:
> 
> ...



Oy!! Dying from the cuteness here! Want! (Shhhh don't tell my poochie)

Thanks sweetness:happy:


----------



## supersoup (Jul 11, 2008)

jamie said:


> Dearest, sweetpeas, Val and Carrie and other unnamed parties -
> 
> Here is the photographic evidence you requested:
> 
> ...



what in blue blazes kind of angelic little furbaby is that?!

she is so cute!!


----------



## Carrie (Jul 11, 2008)

jamie said:


> Dearest, sweetpeas, Val and Carrie and other unnamed parties -
> 
> Here is the photographic evidence you requested:


Oh, dear, sweet lord, that is a truly adorable little dog. :wubu:

(Very happy for you and the boy, J!)


----------



## Jack Skellington (Jul 11, 2008)

jamie said:


> Dearest, sweetpeas, Val and Carrie and other unnamed parties -
> 
> Here is the photographic evidence you requested:
> 
> Pre-first haircut



Oh, my god. So, so cute!


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 11, 2008)

Jack Skellington said:


> This is giving me a Mall Rats vibe for some reason.


Three words: Alice The Goon.


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear Jen

I miss you

Hope we can go to Barcelona next year

Take care of Josh for me in the meantime ;-)

- Kevin


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 11, 2008)

The cuteness of the doggie is causing me great joy, and also a little hyperventilation.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Jul 11, 2008)

Renaissance Woman said:


> Trying to throw in a quick disclaimer after you've already insulted all the young people and/or newcomers on the board doesn't make everything better.


I was directing my comments at one person in particular - not all young people in general.


----------



## Wayne_Zitkus (Jul 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> No one has ever had a problem with me before.


Oh, yes they have. You've just chosen to ignore it.


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 11, 2008)

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> Oh, yes they have. You've just chosen to ignore it.



You sure?...cuz...you have said a few things that seem to suggest you are confusing him with someone else.....especially the masturbation thing.

Oh...nevermind...have fun.


----------



## pdgujer148 (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear Wayne! 

For the luvachrist! Just let the thread get back on track.

Thanks


----------



## jamie (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear inquiring minds - 

Pixel is a Pomeranian/Poodle mix. We wanted something small that the cats would not be intimidated by and this woman in the southern part of Kentucky had let her two pets have a romantic evening alone...and the rest is very adorable history.

Thanks, by the way 

love,
jamie


----------



## sugar and spice (Jul 11, 2008)

jamie said:


> Dearest, sweetpeas, Val and Carrie and other unnamed parties -
> 
> Here is the photographic evidence you requested:
> 
> ...



That is one adorable Puppy! I want one too.


----------



## CleverBomb (Jul 11, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> I hope you designed the MacBook to survive half a glass of unsweetened iced tea dumped into the keyboard.
> Looks like I'll find out tomorrow when I try to boot it up.
> 
> -Rusty


Ok, I shouldn't have been surprised.
Two days of drying out, and it booted up nicely.
Everything works -- all of the keys too, none stick!

Hoisting a virtual Tall Latte in the the direction of Cupertino, CA...

-Rusty
(Kids, don't try this at home.)


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 11, 2008)

Wayne_Zitkus said:


> Oh, yes they have. You've just chosen to ignore it.



Oh noez! Blindsided by you again! and here I was just minding my own business on National Look Like Pedro Martinez Day and out of nowhere it's my most favoritest person. 

This is a pretty good comparison of what this ended up being.






Oh and on another note.

Dearest nap after work,

I love you.

- Justin


----------



## liz (di-va) (Jul 11, 2008)

jamie said:


> Dearest, sweetpeas, Val and Carrie and other unnamed parties -
> Here is the photographic evidence you requested:
> Pre-first haircut
> One month older and post-first haircut (I nearly died when they brought her out all short, but she is so happy and cooled off now):
> ...



TOO MUCH! Want to squeeze.


----------



## Tooz (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear "hot" men:
Going somewhere and exclusively posting pictures for people to fawn over so you feel hot just makes you stupid and most people annoyed. Can it. Yo' looks ain't nothing special, either.

Tooz!


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jul 11, 2008)

I'm not normally a small dog person (I was raised with 70-pounders. lol) but, Jamie, that is the cutest ball of fuzz I have ever seen in my life. I just want to pick her up and hug her til my arms fall off. lol


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Oh noez! Blindsided by you again! and here I was just minding my own business on National Look Like Pedro Martinez Day and out of nowhere it's my most favoritest person.
> 
> This is a pretty good comparison of what this ended up being.
> 
> ...



Hehe, After Pedro threw Zimmer down.... not a single Yankee reached base as long as he was in the game ;-)


----------



## lostjacket (Jul 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Oh noez! Blindsided by you again! and here I was just minding my own business on National Look Like Pedro Martinez Day and out of nowhere it's my most favoritest person.
> 
> This is a pretty good comparison of what this ended up being.
> 
> ...


 
You win the thread.


----------



## Chimpi (Jul 11, 2008)

Carrie said:


> That wasn't really my point. My point was that people will be people. This isn't a commune, so expecting people to behave as though it is, because _you're_ looking for an escape from the world, is bound to frustrate you. I do, however, condone variety and spice, and if everyone got along all the time, this would be a pretty boring place.
> 
> I'll say one more thing to you, KHayes, and feel free to tell me to eff off, or you can absorb it and consider it from the hopefully thoughtful tone in which it is intended. If you're truly coming here hoping for a positive, fun, enjoyable experience, set that tone yourself. I've seen more than one post from you where you yourself were guilty of flaming fires or saying hurtful things. Consider what you've done to contribute to the overall negativity here to which you object. This place *is* what we make of it, y'know?



KHayes,

Um... that was your invitation to declare your dipwaddery.
Epic fail.

Diddily, tontingly, wadderingly and piwaddery yours,
Chimpi


Dear Carrie,

My pants caught on fire. That was effing hot.
Now you owes me a pairuh pants.

Surprisingly yours,
Justin


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear Incredibly Creepy Poster, 

You may not think you are, but yes, you are. 

- Justin 

Oh and wait, speaking of Justin!

Have you seen these, Chimpi? They're hilarious and I know you're a huge Dream Theater fan. 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=SKMYeXkYcgs

http://youtube.com/watch?v=EFIipZNtbEs

I'm sure you have, but still, recommended to anyone for a laugh.


----------



## Chimpi (Jul 11, 2008)

Justin,

Yes, I have seen the first one. Totally worth seeing it again, though.

And the second one... you really know how to make me ejaculate laughter (because I know how much you like talking about masturbation...). Holy hell that's worth a few views one after another.
The Overlord is totally accurate, by the way. 

Thanks, Justin!

Justin

Check this out:
Watch this one first: http://youtube.com/watch?v=yLXwPVqZKjY
Then this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=gMB1C7TjjMc

... Well, I pee my pants every time...


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 11, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> KHayes,
> 
> Um... that was your invitation to declare your dipwaddery.
> Epic fail.
> ...



She's right about creating your own atmosphere....so in that case I will....willl....DANCEEEEE

*does the electric slide while wearing a bathrobe, shades and a top hat*


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 11, 2008)

dear dollar store...
thank you for the awesome glitter glue and paint. now my room looks like a crazy psycho circus. and i love it.

27 bucks worth of mind numbing fumes, 4 hours and 20 paint brushes later...
i now have perfect rainbows with just enough glitter.

now, time to have some fun.

the girl who bought all your glitter glue and paint.
and giggled the whole damn time.
Amatrix

dear ABBFA
miss ya.
glad the conference went as awesome as you said. glad you got drunk, and you make a perfect boyfriend. have a safe trip home and i will talk to you tomorrow night.
7 days dork.
one week. :wubu:

always new you could do it.
your best fan
Amatrix

dear kraftwerk
your music makes me dizzy.
<3
bleedinglitter.

:happy:


----------



## bigsexy920 (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear Jamie, 

That is the cutiest POOH POOH Ive ever seen. 

I feel like I'm cheating on Bubba by saying your dog is so cute. 

Berna


jamie said:


> Dear inquiring minds -
> 
> Pixel is a Pomeranian/Poodle mix. We wanted something small that the cats would not be intimidated by and this woman in the southern part of Kentucky had let her two pets have a romantic evening alone...and the rest is very adorable history.
> 
> ...



I never


----------



## out.of.habit (Jul 11, 2008)

jamie said:


> Dearest, sweetpeas, Val and Carrie and other unnamed parties -
> 
> Here is the photographic evidence you requested:
> 
> ...



Oh HONEY. Look at that sweet puppy! *faints of cuteness*


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 12, 2008)

Dear Guillermo Del Toro,

Make out with me.

Thanks.


----------



## olwen (Jul 12, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Dear Guillermo Del Toro,
> 
> Make out with me.
> 
> Thanks.



Dear Waxwing, 

Get a room.



Olwen


----------



## olwen (Jul 12, 2008)

Dear Sir, 

I'm afraid this isn't working out for me. It seems as tho the student has surpassed the teacher. I've learned all I can from you, and I think you know that too. Time to move on. ::le sigh:: 

Sincerely, 

Olwen


----------



## Tooz (Jul 12, 2008)

Pillsbury:
FUCK YOU. You discontinued the good, old style funfetti icing. I hope you die or someone sprinkles anthrax on you.


Tooz


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 12, 2008)

Doc Simon,

I really hope you buy one of my photos. You've been telling me that you're looking for some new ones for your office, and although I can't say whether or not they're perfectly fit for it, I appreciate you at least looking, and I would be extremely pleased if you were to purchase one.

Thank you muchly.

- BJ

-------------------------------------------


Job:

Please pay me more, or else I'm going to start looking elsewhere for money. I more than pull my weight there, and I deserve more than I'm getting.

-BJ


----------



## JoyJoy (Jul 12, 2008)

Dear Random Internet Acquaintance Whom I Only Know of Through MySpace and have never Chatted with, 

Regarding your message:



> "Chocolate said to a lollipop, you are damn sweet. And the lollipop said : Not as sweet as the person reading this! Your smile makes me smile... Your talks make me glad.. Your company makes me happy... But your absence makes me sad... Be always with me my friend!!! Send this to all your friends in your list and also back to me if i am your friend.... If you get more than 7 you are lovable."


A. You've never seen more than a few pictures of me and never talked to me. For all you know, I'm a horribly mean bitch who just puts on a good face online. You've never heard me talk, or been in my company to enjoy it or miss my absence. 

B. I'm pretty damn sure I'll still be pretty lovable to my real friends even if I don't get back more than 7. In fact, I'm sure my friends would love me more if I didn't send this tripe out to them.

C. These letters are among the most inane and insipid nonsense ever thought up online, and often, the people who send them to me are not people I really want to interact with. Call me a snob, but please remove me from your "list" if this is what I can continue to expect from you.

Sincerely,

One Grouchy Bitch who despises java ponds, glittering roses and chain letters.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jul 12, 2008)

Dear You-know-Whats in my You-know-What: Thank you for not dying until after my You-know-What. 

Love,

You know who.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jul 12, 2008)

Dear Person With An Amazing Amount Of Hatred, Gall, and Arrogance:

*Beats with a shovel, digs a hole, pushes body in, and covers with dirt. Walks away.*

Sincerely,
Nancy


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 12, 2008)

Dear Hiro Protagonist,

I love you, too, kitty, but I'm trying to work. Please stop lying on my papers, and slapping the keyboard with your paw. I promise we will play later.

OUCH. And please don't bite my toes.

Love,
Your Human


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 12, 2008)

Dear mom,

I love my cousin Jake very much. He's a dear, and has really enlightened all of us to the realities of dealing with autism and Down Syndrome. Being with him makes me smile, and he's such a special kid.

However, I do not appreciate your giving him permission to demolish the Lego set that I spent a week working on and which was quite out of his reach when I left this morning. I also don't appreciate you allowing him to "clean" my room after I've got it into something resembling orderly chaos.

I love him, but I just don't have the patience for this, and I'm really angry that you're allowing him to undo my accomplishments. I don't think you understand just how pissed I am at you. And your excuse- "it keeps him out of everybody's hair"- is bullshit.

-Your frustrated son


----------



## pdgujer148 (Jul 13, 2008)

Dear HBO:

There was a time when you sponsored the best television series ever. Then:

--The Sopranos went out with a whimper.
--The Carnivale Closed.
--Rome burnt long before Nero.
[email protected]#*ing Deadwood got dumped so David [email protected]#*ing Mitch could rape us with John from [email protected]#*ing Cincinnati (Now free w/ any purchase over $5 @ Best Buy!)

You left us with Jeremy Piven, trite Mormon bashing, and that occasionally funny douche that made Seinfeld famous.

Result? Account cancled.

(I'll still buy The Wire on DVD.)

Thanks for destroying the best run of televised entertainment ever!

P


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 13, 2008)

Dear Boston Herald Pressmen

You suck.

4:50 AM with an order of 117,000 papers....which if run correctly should be done in 2 hours.

Should have been out at 2:45.....got out at 4:50. You guys suck

-Hayes


----------



## That1BigGirl (Jul 13, 2008)

Dear Sleep,

I hate that you seem to constantly dangle yourself in front of me, yet stay just beyond my reach.

I bite my thumb at you.

~T1BG~


----------



## CleverBomb (Jul 13, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> She's right about creating your own atmosphere....so in that case I will....willl....DANCEEEEE
> 
> *does the electric slide while wearing a bathrobe, shades and a top hat*


Did someone say, dance?

-Rusty
(Cat. I'm a kittycat. And I dancedancedance...)


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 13, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> Did someone say, dance?
> 
> -Rusty
> (Cat. I'm a kittycat. And I dancedancedance...)



Nah I was thinking more along the lines of....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGT5d8nv0kc

0:36 to the end

I'm the guy with the guitar, Blackjack is the singer/dancer, you're the guy with the sax, Jon Blaze is the porter, the women are the bbw's of the board.


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 13, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Nah I was thinking more along the lines of....
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGT5d8nv0kc
> 
> ...



What... the fuck?

That's so 80's I think I just shit out a mullet.


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 13, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> What... the fuck?
> 
> That's so 80's I think I just shit out a mullet.



Yeah Beej, come on and break it down for us!

lol


----------



## Red (Jul 13, 2008)

*workin' on perfecting her 'neck swing' just like the girl in the beginning of video*











(ouch!)


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 13, 2008)

Menopause - you suck. ALL the time.

me


----------



## LillyBBBW (Jul 13, 2008)

To My Former Hero,

You sir are an apple polishing brown nosing little schemer. You would toss an orphan down a well just so you can save him on camera and claim pseudo humble glory. You are no genius or otherwise gifted person but a mentally ill sniveling coward. I see you for who you are and though you've won many fans you've just lost one. Enjoy your accolades for now but your sins will find you out.

Sincerely,
L

******************************************
Dear T

You were right. I'm so sorry.

L


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 14, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Nah I was thinking more along the lines of....
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGT5d8nv0kc
> 
> ...



IC that i can do the poofy things with my hair naturally.

and i have a ton of eyeliner....
we can seriously make this happen


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 14, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> IC that i can do the poofy things with my hair naturally.
> 
> and i have a ton of eyeliner....
> we can seriously make this happen



*wraps arms around your waist and moves back and forth*

then come on and dance with me, dance with me ;-)


----------



## mszwebs (Jul 14, 2008)

Dear time, 

Please stop tonight. I don't want to go home in less than 24 hours. I'm loving Boston too much. 

Its not fair that I keep meeting these amazing people and keep having to leave them. 

I don't have very many good friends at home anymore, and its getting harder and harder to leave every time I'm out East. 

Perhaps we need to discuss a compromise. 

There are people here that I refuse to give up. 


Love,

Jess


----------



## elle camino (Jul 14, 2008)

pdgujer148 said:


> Dear HBO:
> 
> There was a time when you sponsored the best television series ever. Then:
> 
> ...


dude.
i was gassing up the bandwagon and painting the banners until you snapped on the _actual_ best sitcom of all time. 
tsk.


----------



## Placebo (Jul 14, 2008)

Dear assh*le in the red, late 90's model Subaru Impreza,

Thanks for speeding up on my ass doing 80 mph in rain drenched, moderate traffic and spinning out right in front of me when the SUV two cars up pulled out in front of you. 

Oh yeah.... thanks for driving off after I pulled over too. 







Dear Karma,
I get it... ok?


----------



## Wild Zero (Jul 14, 2008)

Placebo said:


> Dear assh*le in the red, late 90's model Subaru Impreza,
> 
> Thanks for speeding up on my ass doing 80 mph in rain drenched, moderate traffic and spinning out right in front of me when the SUV two cars up pulled out in front of you.
> 
> ...



Sorry about your car (which looks awesome outside of the damage), but this immediately came to mind


----------



## Isa (Jul 14, 2008)

pdgujer148 said:


> Dear HBO:
> 
> There was a time when you sponsored the best television series ever. Then:
> 
> ...





elle camino said:


> dude.
> i was gassing up the bandwagon and painting the banners until you snapped on the _actual_ best sitcom of all time.
> tsk.



I'll stand up and take your place because while snapping on the sitcom he gave love to one of the best dramas of all time.


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 14, 2008)

Isa said:


> I'll stand up and take your place because while snapping on the sitcom he gave love to one of the best dramas of all time.





I'm out!


----------



## Placebo (Jul 14, 2008)

Wild Zero said:


> Sorry about your car (which looks awesome outside of the damage), but this immediately came to mind



Thanks.

If there's ever a "show off your car" thread, I'll be sure to go down the list of modifications I've done.

The anger pertaining to the fact it was a hit and run has subsided. I was absolutely livid this morning. I ordered a headlight off of ebay, which should come in a couple days, and the body work and paint I can do myself which = not spending hundreds at a body shop. I've got the tools and the background. I'm just not particularly happy at the fact it's going to consume the greater part of my weekend. :doh:

Overall, I never fully fitted that bumper properly in the first place (and the fiberglass has warped over the past year). It was a rush job so I could get the car back on the road, so, I'm taking this as incentive to do it correctly and professionally the second time around. Maybe even some custom graphics if I feel up to it.


----------



## CleverBomb (Jul 14, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> *wraps arms around your waist and moves back and forth*
> 
> then come on and dance with me, dance with me ;-)


Some analysis of the process:





-Rusty


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 15, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> *wraps arms around your waist and moves back and forth*
> 
> then come on and dance with me, dance with me ;-)



i was kinda sad when at the end we all end up dead though...
and someone is doing a creepy laugh.

*gets out her eyeliner and leopard print tights.*


----------



## pdgujer148 (Jul 15, 2008)

elle camino said:


> dude.
> i was gassing up the bandwagon and painting the banners until you snapped on the _actual_ best sitcom of all time.
> tsk.



Dear Elle Camino:

If we can't agree on the relative merits of Larry David (sorry, the show makes me squirmy; like 25 minutes of self-inflicted paper cuts), can we at least agree that David Milch needs a good spanking?

Best,

P


----------



## elle camino (Jul 15, 2008)

different strokes i guess! i dig on squirmy, gervais/david-type awkward comedy. 
and CYE is pretty much the holy grail.


----------



## pdgujer148 (Jul 15, 2008)

Elle:

Funny that you mention Ricky Gervais. I backspaced a paragraph on "The Office". He has the same effect as on me as Larry David; like the final 20 minutes of se7en done for laughs.

People are skeezy, amen

B,

P


----------



## vardon_grip (Jul 15, 2008)

IC I am not looking forward to shooting a short film with an American Gladiator and a 90210 alum. It has nothing to do with them; its too little time, too little money and too few people to help. Mostly the help.


----------



## SweetNYLady (Jul 15, 2008)

Dear Bon Jovi,

You ROCKED Madison Square Garden tonight!!!! My feet haven't forgiven you yet but the smile on my face tells you it's alllllll good! Looking forward to seeing night two at the Garden tomorrow night!

Thank you for still being around 25 years from when you started. You are the coolest!

A fan forever and a day,
E


----------



## SweetNYLady (Jul 15, 2008)

Dear vendors at Madison Square Garden,

$4.25 for a bottle of water is insane! I just might stick my head under to gulp from one of your bathroom faucets tomorrow night instead. 

Another water guzzling price protester,
E


----------



## SweetNYLady (Jul 15, 2008)

Dear Dims and it's members,

All my life I have been told and have been treated in a way that told me "being fat is not ok." I am fat. So what? There's a lot more to me on the inside, and to the people that don't want to look at me or talk to me to find out what's underneath this fat... so sad for you!

Dims members, you are teaching me "being fat IS ok." I feel more beautiful than I have in my entire life.

A huge, happy thank you to all of you.

E


----------



## Isa (Jul 15, 2008)

Dear George Michael,

Thanks for a wonderful show tonight. You voice was incredible, the band rocked and the visuals were awesome. Two 40 year old best friends laughed, danced, sang and had an all around great time on a happy trip down memory lane.

Love, 

Isa


P.S. We were a bit perturbed that you did not perform 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go' but after watching the video again on you tube.....all is forgiven. :kiss2:


----------



## Red (Jul 15, 2008)

Wild Zero said:


> Sorry about your car (which looks awesome outside of the damage), but this immediately came to mind





This actually sent a shiver down my spine.


----------



## LisaInNC (Jul 15, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> i was kinda sad when at the end we all end up dead though...
> and someone is doing a creepy laugh.
> 
> *gets out her eyeliner and leopard print tights.*



Did anyone notice the one dude died in the a breakdance pose? Legs in the air and everything. I didnt know that when we died we froze in whatever position we were in at the time of death...Hope I never die while having sex. That could be a little awkward.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Jul 15, 2008)

LisaInNC said:


> Did anyone notice the one dude died in the a breakdance pose? Legs in the air and everything. I didnt know that when we died we froze in whatever position we were in at the time of death...Hope I never die while having sex. That could be a little awkward.



I recall a story about a couple who were murdered gangland style while in the midst of having sex. Their bones had to be broken to separate them.


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 15, 2008)

pdgujer148 said:


> Dear Elle Camino:
> 
> If we can't agree on the relative merits of Larry David (sorry, the show makes me squirmy; like 25 minutes of self-inflicted paper cuts), can we at least agree that David Milch needs a good spanking?
> 
> ...




_John from Cincinnati._

Yeah.

Spanking's too good for him.

Not even the sublime *Deadwood* and *The Sopranos* make up for that (endings aside). (and god I loved Carnivale..it was just getting STARTED!....and Rome...well..I watched that for Pullosex)

Also....squirmy, unlikeable protagonist humour .....cant take it...Larry David can pound sand.


Meanwhile...

David Ball is my Personal Jesus.


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 15, 2008)

Dear ******,

This job is nothing like you said it was gonna be. It SUCKS! Quit volunteering for extra week shifts, too. You get exhausted, act like a dick, and we fight. I don't wanna fight with you. I love you.

Stupid.


Looking forward to spending next week with you,
Melanie


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 15, 2008)

Amatrix said:


> i was kinda sad when at the end we all end up dead though...
> and someone is doing a creepy laugh.
> 
> *gets out her eyeliner and leopard print tights.*



Leopard print tights?

ohhhhhh gawd :wubu:


----------



## pdgujer148 (Jul 15, 2008)

RedVelvet said:


> David Ball is my Personal Jesus.



Dear RedVelvet:

You have good taste in saviors. The amazing thing about "Six Feet Under" is that I don't miss the show. The final episode was perfect. I'm not much of a crybaby, but the last 10 - 20 minutes of the final episode left me in a puddle.


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 16, 2008)

pdgujer148 said:


> Dear RedVelvet:
> 
> You have good taste in saviors. The amazing thing about "Six Feet Under" is that I don't miss the show. The final episode was perfect. I'm not much of a crybaby, but the last 10 - 20 minutes of the final episode left me in a puddle.




Aint it the truth? I remember watching it with my best friend and we were just going NUTS during the last 10 minutes...crying... mock yelling..I mean..it was...intense.

The song...."Breathe"....gets a LOT of play on the puter...a lot.

And you know what? I meant...Alan Ball...(I dunno why I wrote David!?)...at least you knew who I meant.

_American Beauty_ is one of the best films of the last 20 years, as well.


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear old flymo strimmer,

I COMMAND YOU TO LIVE!


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear job:

I took these few paid personal holidays not because I'm going away, but just 'cause I wanted some time off.

I hope you're alright with giving me money to pretty much just sit here and do nothing all day. And if you're not, tough shit.

-Beej


----------



## Placebo (Jul 16, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear job:
> 
> I took these few paid personal holidays not because I'm going away, but just 'cause I wanted some time off.
> 
> ...


+1 for stickin' it to the man.


----------



## Tina (Jul 16, 2008)

Isa said:


> Dear George Michael,
> 
> Thanks for a wonderful show tonight. You voice was incredible, the band rocked and the visuals were awesome. Two 40 year old best friends laughed, danced, sang and had an all around great time on a happy trip down memory lane.
> 
> ...


Isa, did he perform "Tonight"? His version was on the Elton John/Bernie Taupin tribute album Two Rooms. It was the best one on there, full of emotion, and his voice was as if from heaven. One of my all time favorite songs by anyone.


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear Chicken Cutlets and Mashed potatoes

Why must you always give me heartburn? I'm sick of waking up feeling like someone poured Drano down my throat.


----------



## LillyBBBW (Jul 16, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Chicken Cutlets and Mashed potatoes
> 
> Why must you always give me heartburn? I'm sick of waking up feeling like someone poured Drano down my throat.



Dear Chicken Cutlets and Mashed Potatoes,

I'm sure it must be lonely down in the cold open pit we know as Hayes's rarely used gastro intestinal system. Lighting a match to see might have seemed like a good idea at the time but its dry, ill used condition make it quite the fire hazard. Be careful next time.

L


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear Me,

Stop acting like an idiot, 'k? Just loosen up...trust...and fucking BREATH! It'll all be okay in the end...no matter what that end may be. 

Love you, muffin-butt,
Me


----------



## Santaclear (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear Chicken Cutlet,

Stop it.

Warm regards,
S


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear Santa,

I would like a pony, and some Barbies, and an iPod nano, and an XBox 360, and an unlimited supply of buffalo wings for Christmas. I have been ever so good this year. I promise.

My best to Mrs. Santa,
Melanie


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear ____,

I am so sorry I lied to you. I know that this has hurt our friendship, and I would do anything to take it back. Please forgive me.


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 16, 2008)

Self,

You need to work on your patience issues, seriously.

Thanks
Tina




ps: boys are weird


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear solar system:

Can we PLEASE try to work on that 28-hour day thing? There isn't enough time in my day to do everything I need to do, plus get the required amount of sleep.

As an alternative, body, if you could just adjust in order to let me get by with 2 hours of sleep a night, maybe in 20 minute nap increments, that'd be groovy. Kthxbye.


----------



## The Orange Mage (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear girl a grade below me in high school I had/have a crush on,

I think I keep running into you every couple of weeks at random stores, but I can't be sure and I'm way too damn shy and I'm in a relationship anyways.

I may have never ever even talked to you, but damn if those hips aren't hypnotically beckoning me.


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear Admiral Ackbar,

How goes the Alliance? My love to your family.

May the Force be with you,

Padawan Mellie-Wan


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 16, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Admiral Ackbar,
> 
> How goes the Alliance? My love to your family.
> 
> ...


Speaking as a close personal friend of the Adm., all he sees is traps. Everywhere, every day with the goddamn traps. Everything is also a matter of extremes, "we have no choice but to pay this bill," and "this bathroom cleanser can't repel shitstains of that magnitude." Blah blah frackin' blah. Plus, you ever try to play Chinese checkers with a guy who has flippers? How about evolving me some phalanges so we can finish the game!? 

One of these days, I'm going to introduce him to my Fry Daddy and some Shake N Bake. They don't call his people Mon Calamari for nothin'.


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear Admiral Snackbar,

You have issues. A section 8 from the Alliance is just the ticket. Take care of you.


A concerned member of the Alliance






*teehee*


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear Alliance,

Can I be a member?

Thanks, A fan


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear ThikJerseyChik,

The Force is strong within you, but which way does it lead you? Think upon this...and fill out these forms in triplicate and have them in my office by 5pm Friday. kthnxbai


Alliance paperwork drone #984576


----------



## Isa (Jul 16, 2008)

Tina said:


> Isa, did he perform "Tonight"? His version was on the Elton John/Bernie Taupin tribute album Two Rooms. It was the best one on there, full of emotion, and his voice was as if from heaven. One of my all time favorite songs by anyone.



Hi Tina. No he did not perform Tonight but did include a wonderful rendition of The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. I am really hoping for a DVD release of this tour, the show was just that good.


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear Boston Herald Foremen

If you put me on utility tonight, I swear to God I'm gonna break one of youz necks.

I am tired, suffering from some form of acid reflux and have been on utility 7 nights in a row, if you put me on utility you are FUCKING DEAD!


----------



## Chimpi (Jul 16, 2008)

Dear Hayes,

We're holding you too that.
Post pictures.

Thanx!
Chimpi


----------



## Waxwing (Jul 16, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Chicken Cutlets and Mashed potatoes
> 
> Why must you always give me heartburn? I'm sick of waking up feeling like someone poured Drano down my throat.



Dear K,

If this has happened repeatedly, why do you keep eating us? We just want to make you happy, but we love to make acid.

Love, 
Chicken Cutlets and Mashed Potatoes


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 17, 2008)

Dear Waxwing

*sings* I lovveeeeeeeee you! *does a dance in top hat and coat-tails*

Love,

Kevin


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 17, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Dear K,
> 
> If this has happened repeatedly, why do you keep eating us? We just want to make you happy, but we love to make acid.
> 
> ...



Also...anything high in fat and eaten in a larger portion will give someone heartburn....combine fat and super condensed carbs ( like that meal)...and you have a perfect storm of acid.

Yeah....a serious answer to a non serious question..but there you are.


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 17, 2008)

RedVelvet said:


> Also...anything high in fat and eaten in a larger portion will give someone heartburn....combine fat and super condensed carbs ( like that meal)...and you have a perfect storm of acid.
> 
> Yeah....a serious answer to a non serious question..but there you are.



Can you send me a link to your avatar, thats one of the funniest things Ive seen in a long time lol


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 17, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Admiral Snackbar,
> 
> You have issues. A section 8 from the Alliance is just the ticket. Take care of you.
> 
> A concerned member of the Alliance


 7-6-2-millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket.

LOCK AND LOAD!!!


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 17, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Can you send me a link to your avatar, thats one of the funniest things Ive seen in a long time lol



right click it off here....thats what I did oh so long ago!


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 17, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> 7-6-2-millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket.
> 
> LOCK AND LOAD!!!



Dude, I seriously watched that movie just yesterday.


----------



## mimosa (Jul 17, 2008)

F,


I miss you and I hope you're okay. I have to admit, I am a little worried about you. Your face is burned in my brain and heart today. 



Your friend,

M


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 17, 2008)

Dear Theo Epstein


The Lowell Spinners are batting a collective .216 on the year, any chance of you drafting any Outfielders that can hit the ball next year?

-
Hayes


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jul 18, 2008)

Dear Five-Year-Old Kid Who Spanked Me At Checkers Today,

I _will_ have my revenge.....

Your Teacher,
Miss Nancy


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jul 18, 2008)

Hahahahhaaha.

Dear Nancy,

I love you for sharing that. 

Yours in good humor (and Good Humor!),

Ginny


----------



## ekmanifest (Jul 18, 2008)

Dear Universe,

I sometimes wonder what it is I did to deserve all the blessings I have. Must have been in another life . . . 'cause not so sure about this one. But, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Me


----------



## mszwebs (Jul 19, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Hahahahhaaha.
> 
> Dear Nancy,
> 
> ...



Dear Ginny and Nancy,

I like Good Humor. Especially the chocolate eclairs.

Please bring me some.

Love,

Jess


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jul 19, 2008)

I'd bring you Some, Zwebsie, but I think you already have A Lot.


----------



## mimosa (Jul 19, 2008)

Hey.....

Don't have to be rude and take off just because I DO NOT want to do something naughty with you. What if I just wanna be your friend?

Me.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jul 19, 2008)

mszwebs said:


> Dear Ginny and Nancy,
> 
> I like Good Humor. Especially the chocolate eclairs.
> 
> ...



Dear Jess, 

What? ColdStone isn't good enough for ya???

*humph*
Nancy


----------



## mszwebs (Jul 19, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Jess,
> 
> What? ColdStone isn't good enough for ya???
> 
> ...



Dear Nancy,

Its good enough, but not ENOUGH lol. 

Love,

Jess 

Ps, I could have popped the cherry in MA, but I'm saving myself for you.


----------



## swamptoad (Jul 19, 2008)

Dear Fair Vendor Person,



Why must funnel cakes cost 5 bucks? 


Curiously,
The broke dude who never asked you the question earlier.


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 20, 2008)

To the person responsible for hiring that new manager at SL restaurant,

Were you high when you went to work that day?

You people are on crack, get help.

A very unhappy ex customer.


----------



## olwen (Jul 20, 2008)

Dear Sir,

I wish I knew how to quit you. 

Yours,

Me


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 20, 2008)

Dear me,

It's ok to dress like a woman sometimes. You don't ALWAYS have to go for the super casual look. It's a lovely skirt and tank top set. You have awesome upper arms and calves...Adrian said so.
Take a deep breath and DO IT! Stop being such a wuss!

I think you're hot,
Me


p.s. Wearing make-up and curling your hair is ok, too. :kiss2:


----------



## chocolate desire (Jul 20, 2008)

Dear You, I am so glad your out of my life.


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Jul 20, 2008)

Dear Motion Sickness,

Why must you ruin my entertainment experiences? It's bad enough that you make it so I have to look away from the screen a good part of the time for movies like Cloverfield, but why do you have to ruin my videogames, too?

I just wanted to spend some time this afternoon rolling up the world in a big ball, and exploring the moon base while encountering ghosts and looking for my fiancee who had disappeared. But you had to come in and see to it that I started feeling nauseous and getting a headache, didn't you? 

You don't do this to other people. Why me? 

Signed,
The Sad Gamer Who Can't Play FPS Games Because She'll Need a Bucket


----------



## olwen (Jul 20, 2008)

Hey Renaissance Woman, 

You're not alone. I get dizzy and headachey when playing some video games. Haven't played one in a long time.

But that's okay cause I've got the interweb.  Thumbs up interweb.

Sincerely, 

Olwen


----------



## CleverBomb (Jul 20, 2008)

RenWoman;

Had the same experience watching friends play Halo.
I suppose I'd have the same experience with similar FPS games.
It's just realistic enough to throw you for a loop.

-Rusty


----------



## Santaclear (Jul 20, 2008)

Dear video games,

I have never played you, any of you, ever. Why?

Take care,

Should I Be Concerned?


----------



## CleverBomb (Jul 20, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Dear video games,
> 
> I have never played you, any of you, ever. Why?
> 
> ...


Don't hate the player, 
hate the game.

-Rusty


----------



## largenlovely (Jul 21, 2008)

Dear Cold...why must you visit me again. I only just got rid of you a few weeks ago and yet here i am..sitting in my room with you again...miserable with a box of kleenex.


----------



## SuperMishe (Jul 21, 2008)

Dear stupid monster thing in the water,

Why do you continue to swallow my little Yoshi and leave the baby to be captured? I've lost more than 15 lives to you and I'm afraid to continue for fear of losing more. Can you please gimme a break or give me some kind of clue?
Signed,
Frustrated Yoshi's Island player
______

Dear Weather,
Enough already - quit with the humidity. I surrender!
A Sticky BBW (eww! LOL)


----------



## johnnytattoos (Jul 21, 2008)

Dear dentist's office waiting room,
You smell funny.
-Johnny


----------



## olwen (Jul 22, 2008)

Dear letters thread, 

I wish I knew how to quit you.

Love 
Olwen


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 22, 2008)

dear self, 

don't forget to go home and make a thread about yourself and remember to bump it every so often so people don't forget how much you rock.

love you muchly,

BGB


----------



## mszwebs (Jul 22, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> dear self,
> 
> don't forget to go home and make a thread about yourself and remember to bump it every so often so people don't forget how much you rock.
> 
> ...



LOL... Dear Justin...

I may be too smart to date you () but that doesn't mean I don't love ya...lol.

<3

Jess


----------



## Tooz (Jul 22, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> dear self,
> 
> don't forget to go home and make a thread about yourself and remember to bump it every so often so people don't forget how much you rock.
> 
> ...



Dear BGB,

Don't forget the pictures.

Tooz


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 22, 2008)

Tooz said:


> Dear BGB,
> 
> Don't forget the pictures.
> 
> Tooz



what in the eff was I supposed to post if not those?


----------



## JoyJoy (Jul 22, 2008)

Hi, Dr. K. Yep, it's me again. 

I just need to tell you...I really, really, really hate being rude. It's just not part of my nature - I'm funny like that. But your mere presence brings the rudeness bubbling to the surface and I just can't help myself. So, let's make a deal. You follow the rules of common courtesy, and I'll not talk to you with clipped words through gritted teeth and daggers shooting from my eyes. 

We've gone over this numerous times, but just for a refresher:

1. If, upon approach, someone is talking to someone else, either on the phone or in person, *do not* interrupt, but wait your turn patiently, unless your cat is on fire and you need immediate emergency assistance. 
2. Your needs are not more important than anyone else's. Don't expect others to immediately stop what they're doing to help you unless...again...your cat is on fire. 
3. No, I'm not going to stay late to work on your last-minute project, unless you're willing to pay me time and a half directly from your pocket. I don't get overtime, otherwise. 
4. I'm have no association with or control over either the US Postal service or the campus mail system. I do not have magical powers to locate one uncertified letter out of hundreds of thousands and request that it be expedited to you immediately. Calling the sender to ask where it is isn't going to make it come faster, either. 
5. Again, I'll make it perfectly clear....YOU are NOT my boss. I will try my best to be accommodating and helpful and do for you what I can, but I will not kow tow to you or arrange my schedule to please you. Your tasks are among many that need to be done, so you'll simply have to be satisfied with the way I prioritize. 

Thanks for (not) listening. 

J


----------



## Ash (Jul 22, 2008)

Dear guy who called me "baby" at the bank,

As if your nickname for a total stranger wasn't odd enough, following me to 7-11 and offering to buy my gas was just bizarre. It's funny, though, that gas prices have gotten so crazy that "Hey, let me buy your gas, baby." is a pick-up line. I can't say that I didn't consider it, though. Maybe if you had thrown in a Coke and an ice cream sandwich I would have accepted. You'll know for next time.

Cordially,

The girl who laughed all the way home


----------



## ekmanifest (Jul 22, 2008)

Dear guy who wanted to buy Ashley gas,

You can buy me gas. 

Elizabeth


----------



## mszwebs (Jul 22, 2008)

Dude. 

You are pissing me off. We are past the point of ridiculousness here and have moved on to ricockulousness. 

That's right. You heard me. 

Grow up and get over it before I am forced to take drastic measures. 

I have done nothing wrong and this is unacceptable. You are frustrating me to no end.

Love,

Someone writing in vain


----------



## ThatFatGirl (Jul 22, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> dear self,
> 
> don't forget to go home and make a thread about yourself and remember to bump it every so often so people don't forget how much you rock.
> 
> ...




Dear BGB,

Thank you for the lol. One serious question, do you have the arsenal of personal pix required to keep up with posting frequency of other poster? Consider wider appeal of cute, furry hedgehog as thread subject. I believe he does need his own thread.

Merci,
TFG


----------



## mszwebs (Jul 22, 2008)

Dear someone else,

OOF!

~ me


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 22, 2008)

Dear Summer Vacation

Can you take ANY longer to get here?????????????????????????

Signed, Impatiently Waiting for August!


----------



## olwen (Jul 22, 2008)

Dear Guidos, 

Grrrrr. I hate you. Get out of my city. You come here in your fancy cars with plates that show you're not from around here and act like you can't drive. And you have the nerve to show up with your greasy hair and your thick gold chains and your oversized shirts and your goddamnded stinky cologne and your dumb baseball caps acting like you're so gansta. You'd shit your pants if you actually ran into a real one. And for the record wearing matching Armani A/X t-shirts isn't cool. It just makes you all look stupid. 

And you bring your equally loud too thin girlfriends who have an unhealthy appreciation for glitter and heels they can't walk in and who have zero ability to dress tastefully. Yes honey we all want to see how little cloth you actually need to cover your boobies. 

You come into the village or the lower east side or whatever spot you think is happenin' and act like you own the place, then you get hella drunk and make a lot of drunken noise trying to impress your dates with your "knowledge" of the city. Hah. You don't know the real New York City. Take your attitude uptown or to the Bronx and see what happens to you. You act like you've been let out of a cage. Learn some manners before you come here again and wreck my evening.

Signed, 

Angry Lifelong New Yorker


----------



## A Bolder Boulder FA (Jul 22, 2008)

Dear Steveland Cleamer,

I love you so much, probably more than I've loved anyone, and this trip just further reinforced that thought. You make me so happy whenever I'm with you, my family loves you, you always think of me and you've done more than fulfill my fantasies - you've created new ones just being a part of my life. I will always cherish what you mean to me no matter what happens.

Loves always,
ABBFA


----------



## out.of.habit (Jul 22, 2008)

JoyJoy said:


> Hi, Dr. K. Yep, it's me again.
> 
> I just need to tell you...I really, really, really hate being rude. It's just not part of my nature - I'm funny like that. But your mere presence brings the rudeness bubbling to the surface and I just can't help myself. So, let's make a deal. You follow the rules of common courtesy, and I'll not talk to you with clipped words through gritted teeth and daggers shooting from my eyes.
> 
> ...



That man's life must be endlessly frustrating, just based on the fact that he exists. That shouldn't mean he passes on the frustration! Gah. 



Ashley said:


> Dear guy who called me "baby" at the bank,
> 
> As if your nickname for a total stranger wasn't odd enough, following me to 7-11 and offering to buy my gas was just bizarre. It's funny, though, that gas prices have gotten so crazy that "Hey, let me buy your gas, baby." is a pick-up line. I can't say that I didn't consider it, though. Maybe if you had thrown in a Coke and an ice cream sandwich I would have accepted. You'll know for next time.
> 
> ...



Um. Huh. I just don't even know what I'd say to that. 

Wow.


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 23, 2008)

Dear libido:

Stop it. Just stop it.

I know we're starved, but please... chill out.

-Beej


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 23, 2008)

A Bolder Boulder FA said:


> Dear Steveland Cleamer,
> 
> I love you so much, probably more than I've loved anyone, and this trip just further reinforced that thought. You make me so happy whenever I'm with you, my family loves you, you always think of me and you've done more than fulfill my fantasies - you've created new ones just being a part of my life. I will always cherish what you mean to me no matter what happens.
> 
> ...


dear big damn goon.

daw!

stop telling everyone my nick name... they are gonna think we have some freaky kinks or fetishes or something.well besides the whole weight gain thing...

i love your family, and my family loves you too. i am happy when i am with you as well, even if i am puking my guts out on the side of the road.:doh:

thank you for a very perfect weekend and a very perfect time. i miss you, totally.
and i will always cherish you as well. your my light.:kiss2:
:wubu:
your Steveland Cleamer


----------



## Tooz (Jul 23, 2008)

Dear annoyingly-repetitive couples:

If you have little else to talk about other than how your ~empty heart aches~ when you are apart in a PUBLIC SETTING, you must be pretty boring.


Sock in mouth please.


Tewz


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 23, 2008)

dear dims members who feel the need to poo poo everything

this passive aggressive hooey about semi calling someone out... is kinda lame.

we are all interesting people who have many things to offer, and sometimes we get swept up in certain things.

if you have an issue with someone about something... let them know. thats what the PMs are for. this way... you can either block them, or whatever you feel like you need to do.

it is true... i posted a letter about how i miss someone. and it might seem repetitive because someone else had posted a letter before.
dont say im boring though. i have posted in other threads, and dont half ass call me out. its kinda dumb. it is like trying to start a flame war.
you have a block button.you have the power.
this is a public setting... and can be used for whatever i see fit. until a mod tells me differently, i will continue to write letters, confessions and post pictures.

because this board is mine as we as yours.and your looking pretty pathetic by being so passively vindictive.

just saying.... lololololz.
lovingly amatrix
ps i know one letter about my boyfriend and i missing each other was over kill. i apologize.and the pictures we posted in the couples thread... total overkill.
my bad.


----------



## Tooz (Jul 23, 2008)

Well, in THAT case:

Dear _____,
I am hardly the only one being passive aggressive here. 


Just sayin'.
Tooz


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 23, 2008)

dear tooz

you can use my name, as i dont see the point in being so vindictive or silly. everyone knows we are talking about each other as much as you would like to hide behind the "well... it was directed at other people" bit... my letter was for anyone who has an issue with me posting a letter in the letter to people/things thread about how i do love ABBFA and miss ABBFA. not just you.

i sent you a pm about this, and got your response... but wrote that previous letter before i got your response.because... simply i was being sarcastic. overkill was a strong word for one letter in a letter to people/things thread. 

like you said... public with public right?
its clear you think i went over board to which i personally apologized for. i apologize to anyone who is or was offended by the ONE letter and the pictures we posted on the couples thread. on the other hand to make a point i am not sorry about posting them, because... well... i can. he is a person and it was a thread for the letters to people/thing thread. which i do frequent.
your level of comfort would have been taken more seriously had you had the stones to call me out in a PM instead of blasting it, here.makes me more aggressive and wanting to post sillier things.


far from boring.and no hard feelings.
amatrix

ps i liked the picture of you in the recent picture thread.


----------



## mimosa (Jul 23, 2008)

Dear Amatrix, 

I think the letter to your boyfriend was very sweet. Don't worry about anyone. Just do your thing as long as you're happy. Take care. 


Mimi:bow:


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 23, 2008)

mimosa said:


> Dear Amatrix,
> 
> I think the letter to your boyfriend was very sweet. Don't worry about anyone. Just do your thing as long as you're happy. Take care.
> 
> ...


dear mimi

thank you for the vote of confidence.:bow:
and i am happy.

i wish everyone could be this happy.:happy:

amatrix

and dear samantha in ny
thank you as well for the rep.
*posts tons of glitter fairies and waving american flags... and tons of pictures of her and ABBFA*
just for you cupcake.
amatrix


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jul 23, 2008)

Oh God. this post needs more characters to be posted


----------



## Mathias (Jul 23, 2008)

Dear Amatrix,

I love your avatar!

-Matt


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 23, 2008)

MattS19 said:


> Dear Amatrix,
> 
> I love your avatar!
> 
> -Matt



thanks mattS119!
i kinda am slightly fond of it as well.:bow:


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 23, 2008)

dear Dims drama,

you complete me. 

BGB


----------



## A Bolder Boulder FA (Jul 23, 2008)

Forums posters - 

 Christ. Stick to your own petty little corners of the forums and I'll stick to mine.


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 23, 2008)

A Bolder Boulder FA said:


> Forums posters -
> 
> Christ. Stick to your own petty little corners of the forums and I'll stick to mine.



rolfes.
back to hyde park for you... and the picture forums for me.it is where we belong.

anyways.
stop using that flowery wordage.
it doesnt work.

i will be the monkey and you can be the lizard on rampage. we can destroy a city.


----------



## supersoup (Jul 23, 2008)

dear letters thread,

i'll never give up on you.

yours in love,
soup


----------



## ValentineBBW (Jul 23, 2008)

dear life,

why must you decide to make things miserable for no good reason. I've been good, what the eff did I do wrong? UGH.

Signed, 

cranky me


don't worry, just not feeling good and cranky -- wanted to blow off some steam.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 23, 2008)

Dear Haagen Daas,


After trying the Breyer's Overload! Ice Cream I have to say that you suck 



Sincerely,

Ice Cream Loving Fat Woman


----------



## Carrie (Jul 23, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Haagen Daas,
> 
> 
> After trying the Breyer's Overload! Ice Cream I have to say that you suck
> ...


Dearest Caroline, 

Please send any unwanted Haagen Dazs in my direction; I love the stuff. 

Chocolate peanut butter flavor earns you a free grope. 


Yours in frozen dairy treat goodness,
~Carrie


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 23, 2008)

Dearest Carrie,


I have yet to try the peanut buttery goodness...and will keep that in mind whilst being groped  


Sincerely,

Your Forever Dairy.....errrrr I mean Fairy Queen


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 23, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> dear Dims drama,
> 
> you complete me.
> 
> BGB



Dear BGB - 

You had me at Dear....you had me at dear.... :choke:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 23, 2008)

Dear ThikJerseyChik,

I saw him first...back off Sista..... 

Don't make ME choke you next time.....


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 23, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear ThikJerseyChik,
> 
> I saw him first...back off Sista.....
> 
> Don't make ME choke you next time.....



Dear GEF - ALL is fair in LOVE and WAR....

(I am old enough to be his....big sister....but w/e!)

Back away from the BGB! :bow:


----------



## Sugar (Jul 23, 2008)

Dear Background Check,

Please come back clean. I mean I know I haven't had any crime sprees recently but what if something pops up!? Just be nice to me.

Love & Best Wishes,
Sarah...the girl who must get a different job ASAP or there will be a dead manager and then my background report will really be colorful. :batting:

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Boy Who Claims Love For Me,

Signing up for another month on a dating site isn't the way to my heart. Just so you know. :doh:

Sincerly Annoyed,
Sarah


----------



## LisaInNC (Jul 23, 2008)

Dear Bitter, Party of One, 

I think love letters are very sweet and it makes me smile to know that true love and happiness do exist, despite mean spirited people constantly throwing their negativity around.

Love, 
Happy Party of One


----------



## BigCutieSasha (Jul 24, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> dear Dims drama,
> 
> you complete me.
> 
> BGB



Buttons.... wont... let... me... rep! damn!


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (Jul 24, 2008)

&#1044;&#1086;&#1088;&#1086;&#1075;&#1072;&#1103; &#1057;&#1090;&#1086;&#1083;&#1080;&#1095;&#1085;&#1072;&#1103; &#1074;&#1086;&#1076;&#1082;&#1072;,

&#1041;&#1086;&#1083;&#1100;&#1096;&#1086;&#1077; &#1089;&#1087;&#1072;&#1089;&#1080;&#1073;&#1086;.


&#1042;&#1088;&#1072;&#1095; &#1055;.


----------



## largenlovely (Jul 24, 2008)

dear old friend,

I'm so glad we got back in touch with each other. I realize life has changed dramatically for the worse for you since we last hung out, but i hope that i can be an ear to listen and can at least make you laugh once in a while.... I know you need it


----------



## mszwebs (Jul 24, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> &#1044;&#1086;&#1088;&#1086;&#1075;&#1072;&#1103; &#1057;&#1090;&#1086;&#1083;&#1080;&#1095;&#1085;&#1072;&#1103; &#1074;&#1086;&#1076;&#1082;&#1072;,
> 
> &#1041;&#1086;&#1083;&#1100;&#1096;&#1086;&#1077; &#1089;&#1087;&#1072;&#1089;&#1080;&#1073;&#1086;.
> 
> ...



Dear Dr. P.


Thank you for using small words that I can decipher after not having taken Russian - and having sucked at it, I might add - in years...lol.

I was always good at sounding things out...I just had no idea what I was saying.

Your message however, came through loud and clear...lol 

&#1089;&#1087;&#1072;&#1089;&#1080;&#1073;&#1086; again,

MsZ


----------



## tink977 (Jul 24, 2008)

Dear possible suitors (ha..that sounds funny!),
If you unload your emotional baggage on day #3, I'm going to ask you to pack it all back up and head back home.

Sincerely,
Me and my baggage


----------



## Shala (Jul 24, 2008)

Dear Crick in my Right Shoulder Blade,

Please, please go away!! You bring me so much pain, I could cry. I am going tubing on Saturday and you CANNOT go with me.

Leave now....you are not welcome here.

Respectfully,

Shala


----------



## BBWDREAMLOVER (Jul 24, 2008)

Dear Wonderful old found again,

I thought you were lost forever thru life's little wicked ways. It was Life's little wonderful ways that brought you back to me, friend. No matter how far our lives seperate us you will always be my friend and life's little wicked ways will never win again.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 24, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> Dear GEF - ALL is fair in LOVE and WAR....
> 
> (I am old enough to be his....big sister....but w/e!)
> 
> Back away from the BGB! :bow:



Dear ThikJerseyChik,


Even though us two old, fat chicks would look uber hot rolling around on the floor fighting for BGB...don't make me go there.....'cause at the end o' the day, it won't be pretty. 




Dear BGB, 

I love your silence through out all of this.....way to keep the dream alive


----------



## Pixelpops (Jul 24, 2008)

Dear universe.

Stop it. I'm trying to sleep, and you are being most unhelpful. And please hit youknowwho. And take away my mind thoughts, they're keeping me awake too.

Seriously yeah, it's 4 in the morning, I thought we were friends?

Loves ya!


----------



## out.of.habit (Jul 24, 2008)

Dear New York, 

Thank you for 55 degree nights in the middle of summer.

Loving you most sincerely, 

Ooh (who lacks air conditioning)


----------



## Tooz (Jul 24, 2008)

out.of.habit said:


> Dear New York,
> 
> Thank you for 55 degree nights in the middle of summer.
> 
> ...



Last night was especially gorgeous here. 65, dry and a slight breeze. Very nice.


----------



## Mathias (Jul 25, 2008)

To my dog:

I love you to death, but just because you're small enough to sleep in my bed, that doesn't mean you can sprawl all over it. I have to go to sleep at some point tonight. Give me some room too!

-Matt


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Jul 25, 2008)

People in the movie theater:

What in the hell is so important that you need to check your damn cell phone every five minutes, and then have it out for at least a minute or two? If something is so important that you can't be without cell connectivity for the span of a movie, you shouldn't be in the damn movie. It's distracting as hell to have little random lights continually popping up throughout the theater taking my attention away from the big light that I've paid to see.

Seriously, what are you checking for? Potential drug deals? Text messages from your secret lover setting up your booty call after your movie date? Your STD test results? Whether the guy you stabbed is still alive or not? 

And chick who was sitting next to me that said *I* was rude when I asked her to please stop checking her cell phone because it was distracting: I am highly amused by your definition of "rude".

-Barb


----------



## That1BigGirl (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear Chocolate and Chewy Sweettarts-

You are good separate. You are horrid when eaten within a short span of each other.


Dear Pizza and Coffe-

As always, you never let me down.


Dear Chocolate Bubblegum-

The jury is still out. But you smell like heaven.


Dear short man who called me too fat-

You are too short. I should have stepped on you with my boots, I let you live because I know that you probably only called me too fat because your depth perception is skewed from your height. Apparently at your height you are missing a lot of beauty in the world. I suggest stilts or stilettos. Unless you are into cross dressing or men, I'd go for the stilts.


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 25, 2008)

That1BigGirl said:


> Dear short man who called me too fat-
> 
> You are too short. I should have stepped on you with my boots, I let you live because I know that you probably only called me too fat because your depth perception is skewed from your height. Apparently at your height you are missing a lot of beauty in the world. I suggest stilts or stilettos. Unless you are into cross dressing or men, I'd go for the stilts.


 

Short man syndrome. I love to crush them with words that they don't understand and tower over them so they know I could give them a beat down if I had to, easily.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jul 25, 2008)

Renaissance Woman said:


> People in the movie theater:
> 
> What in the hell is so important that you need to check your damn cell phone every five minutes, and then have it out for at least a minute or two? If something is so important that you can't be without cell connectivity for the span of a movie, you shouldn't be in the damn movie. It's distracting as hell to have little random lights continually popping up throughout the theater taking my attention away from the big light that I've paid to see.
> 
> ...


This is why the theater I build will have cell phone jammers and aimable sedative blowdart mounts in every movie. Truly disruptive patrons will be Bear Maced, then escorted out for a Tasering before being ejected from the theater. Waiting for a call on a liver transplant? Have them use a landline like we did back on "them olden days".


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear most awesome friend EVER,

We got tix to go see Journey & Heart in August? Oh man, totally gonna go crazy on you when we hang out again! 

Faithfully, 

BGB


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear X-Files Season Four finale:

I HATE YOU AND YOUR GODDAM CLIFFHANGER OF ALL CLIFFHANGERS.



Dear Netflix:

Get Season Five here NOW.


----------



## mszwebs (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear Midwest airlines 

Thank you for only charging me $214 with tax for my ticket to the Labor Day bash. 

You made my day. 

Love,

Your most faithful customer. 


PS. Even though the flight leaves at 9:58 am, I think that's close enough to 10 am for you to bake the cookies. I expect them, k?


----------



## Tooz (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear New York State:

Fuck you. You're like one of the only places where the price of gas isn't going down.

I can't wait to not have to deal with your shit anymore!

Tooz

Dear Maine:

You have lower sales tax than New York. I like you already.

Tooz


----------



## mimosa (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear F,


There is something special about you. I enjoy our chats . Even if sometimes you annoy me with your over the top silliness. I still think you are the wonderful. You are something extra sweet, my special friend. Thank you for taking the time to chat with me everyday.:kiss2:


Dear Suannah,

Never doubt your beauty. You are the queen! Love ya. :happy:


Dear Swamptoad.
Thanks for being one of my coolest friends ever! :bow:

Dear Wag

You know how to make me smile. You were my first friend here. I am glad for it, darlin'


----------



## Crystal (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear future apartment-mates,

Please don't be crazy or bipolar like my dorm roommate.

I wanted to suffocate her with her ugly bright green and pink pillow.


----------



## mossystate (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear Quinn ( age 8 ) and David ( age 2 )


Thanks for letting your Aunt Monique sit between you on the plane. It was truly a comfy ( well, as much as coach can be comfy ) experience, as I could flip both arm rests up.

You both were so well behaved and fun that 4 people commented on what great kids you are. You both have such fantastic personalities, that I am sometimes sad to see kids who such duds, courtesy of their parents..

I will have to borrow you next time I fly.


Love,

Aunt Weepy


----------



## ekmanifest (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear Child of My Loins,

I do know some things . . . really.

Love,

Your mother


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear Captiol One

Thanks for rejecting me, now I may not get a hotel room for the Labor Day Bash

You suck, ya jackass.

-Hayes


----------



## That1BigGirl (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear Wal-Mart,

I have such a love/hate relationship with you. Today, I want to thank you for providing me with a comfy, cute bra and panty set IN MY SIZE! :kiss2: I never thought this would happen. I give you major love.  I know, considering my scathing letter to you last week, you are surprised.


Dear Sam's Club,

Your new shopping carts leave a lot to be desired. Let's start with the upper design. You replaced a nice, flat topped cart with one that now has plastic coated, but still poking up metal pieces. The back of the shorter cashier's arms who's line I used were streaked red. She doesn't appreciate the new design. On to the bottom... things slide off while you are walking due to the design being slightly tilted to angle towards the front of the buggy. WHY? Why did you not make it A. Flat or B. Tilted towards the back so that things could be caught by the bar, and thus... not fall off over and over? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?


----------



## fatcharlie (Jul 25, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> &#1044;&#1086;&#1088;&#1086;&#1075;&#1072;&#1103; &#1057;&#1090;&#1086;&#1083;&#1080;&#1095;&#1085;&#1072;&#1103; &#1074;&#1086;&#1076;&#1082;&#1072;,
> 
> &#1041;&#1086;&#1083;&#1100;&#1096;&#1086;&#1077; &#1089;&#1087;&#1072;&#1089;&#1080;&#1073;&#1086;.
> 
> ...





Dear Dr P!

Well I say spasiba if it's Vodka Absolut.

Spasiba krasnaja shinshina!

Tavarisch Charlie


----------



## fatcharlie (Jul 25, 2008)

Dear my Miss bellygirls R n M.

I'm so happy you found each other again.

Puss o kram to both of ya.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jul 26, 2008)

Dear KHayes - 

Why not just get a prepaid visa card from Walmart or something? That way you'll have a CC to use until you get an actual credit-based CC. 

Also, check out student cards. They're easier to get for people with no credit. Creditboards.com is a great place for credit advice.


----------



## MissToodles (Jul 26, 2008)

Dear Universe:

Thank you for doing your job. You reap what you sow.

from
J.


----------



## runningman (Jul 26, 2008)

Dear John Fallone (dawnpac quality manager and patronising b*****d)

You are not my boss. And I cannot make 120 barrels of American BBQ sauce disappear into a black hole beacuse a customer audit didn't like that they were stored outside. I am responsible for packaging. Intakes PACKAGING manager. The clue is in the name. NOT ingredients. Get off my back. AND, the next time you approach me and refer to me as 'captain' or 'champ' or any other such patronizing BS terms I will be the first Dawnpac packaging manager sacked for headbutting another manager! 

Phew. Glad I got that off my chest.


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 26, 2008)

Dear Smitty

Please stop reowing outside my door at 4 in the morning, stay 20 minutes then reow to leave, then 20 minutes reow to get back in my room. Sleep is precious around here.

Either keep your furry ass in or out, and for the love of magus never leave a hairball on my floor again.


----------



## olwen (Jul 26, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Smitty
> 
> Please stop reowing outside my door at 4 in the morning, stay 20 minutes then reow to leave, then 20 minutes reow to get back in my room. Sleep is precious around here.
> 
> Either keep your furry ass in or out, and for the love of magus never leave a hairball on my floor again.



Dear Human Who Feeds Me, 

I must say it amuses me that you think you have any control in this relationship, especially when we both know you worship the ground I walk on. Now you listen to me. I am a proud feline, and I will do as I damn well please. You will continue to feed me and clean out my litter box. You will listen to my vocalizations for as long as I want to make them and you will be grateful for the opportunity. Now stand still while I stick my butt in your face and whip my tail at your head. 

Silly human.

Signed,

Smitty


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 26, 2008)

Dear M**a,

You met me once...for less than 5 minutes...and yet you act like you really know me. You don't, lady. 


Looking forward to getting to know you better,
Melanie


----------



## Suze (Jul 26, 2008)

dear dizziness

please go away,
you are starting to freak me out. 

sus


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 26, 2008)

Dear creative ideas,

I love you so freaking much, you have no clue.

However, when you inspire me to take a picture of a person who isn't anywhere nearby, at a time of day that's the exact opposite of now... well, it's quite frustrating.

I wouldn't mind so much if I had any drawing ability whatsoever and could sketch the concept for future use, but as it is, it'd be damn nice if you would pop up when I can make use of you in a more immediate fashion. 

-Beej


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 27, 2008)

Dear L.,

Tell me, what purpose did it serve to tear down your brother's happiness? To rip it to shreds and make him explain to you why he IS happy to begin with? Who the fuck are YOU? What makes you think he has to explain his fucking self to YOU??? I'm glad he stood up to you, you sanctimonious prick!

Seriously...fuck off!

Glad I'M Not Your Relative,
Melanie


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 27, 2008)

susieQ said:


> dear dizziness
> 
> please go away,
> you are starting to freak me out.
> ...



Dear sus

check your blood sugar levels...don't freak yet.

chik


----------



## activistfatgirl (Jul 27, 2008)

Dear The Police,

You rocked! Thanks for getting together for a reunion and shit, makes me feel like I saw something special!

Sting,

YUM.

Love,
AFG


----------



## The Fez (Jul 27, 2008)

dear ex-housemate

you're going to be dead come this time next year if you don't cut it out; I hope you run out of money for this shit before you run out of time


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Jul 27, 2008)

Dear Almost Adult Child of Mine -

Please please PLEASE pull your head out of your ass....you are so capable of becoming a wonderful adult but yet so much a child. Your actions today will hurt you tomorrow. I am so worried about you and so ready to give you the ass whoopin' you deserve!

You'll never be too old for that!

Signed,

You Mom, who loves you to death.


----------



## That1BigGirl (Jul 27, 2008)

Dear H.,

I never knew you liked big girls. WHY WHY WHY have you kept this secret from me until now? *Sigh* Too bad you aren't single, I'd do things to you she can't even dream about.

~T1BG~


----------



## johnnytattoos (Jul 28, 2008)

Dear extra extra cheese pizza,
I love you so much.:wubu:
-johnny


----------



## Suze (Jul 28, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> Dear sus
> 
> check your blood sugar levels...don't freak yet.
> 
> chik



i forget to eat when it's warm outside. i actually_ loose_ weight in the summer. 
maybe i should get some icecream or something. yeah, that sounded like a pretty good idea. :smitten:


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 28, 2008)

Dear M., L., R., & J.,

NICE TRY, FUC*ERS!!!

Smug as hell,
Melanie Smugarooni


Dear A the 1st,

Thanks. You rock!

Gracias,
Melanie


Dear A the 2nd,

Love you, baby.

Besos,
Mellie


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 28, 2008)

Dear Mellie,

Shush it and post more pics of your big..........tweezers  




Smugfully Yours
Green Eyed Fairy


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 28, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Mellie,
> 
> Shush it and post more pics of your big..........tweezers
> 
> ...



Dear GEF,

I want you to stroke my.........tweezers.


kthnx,
Mellie


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 28, 2008)

Dear Mellie,


plz post pix o ur eye bros kthx

Love,
Your Tweezer Queen


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 28, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Mellie,
> 
> 
> plz post pix o ur eye bros kthx
> ...



My eye....brothers??


----------



## Santaclear (Jul 28, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> My eye....brothers??



There's an old Berber saying, one of my favorites, and I think that's what GEF must've been referring to:

_(The) sky trembles and the earth is afraid, and the two eyes are not brothers._

I'm confused about the tweezer thing tho.


----------



## Duniwin (Jul 29, 2008)

Dear pneumonia,

Please go away. I'd say it was fun for a while but it honestly wasn't.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired,

Duniwin


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 29, 2008)

Dear voice,

I have no clue why you just sounded like Revolver Ocelot, but it's kinda freakin' me out. Especially since I can't repeat it when I try.

-Someone who's probably played way too much _Metal Gear Solid _in the past 2 weeks

------------------------------------------

Dear job,

I hate you this week.

-Disgruntled, unappreciated employee


----------



## Suze (Jul 29, 2008)

Dear Mountain
Its going to be a hell of a task to walk on you for 5 days straight with a tent and everything that follows. Next weekend is going to be interesting for sure. Wish me luck. Im not ready to die yet. 

Peace.

-----------------

Dear Fez
;

I have never seen anyone use that icon as much as you.


Just wanted to point that out. 

- I


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Jul 29, 2008)

Dear "one cup" sake,
stop being so cheap you bitch you're giving me a headache


----------



## The Fez (Jul 29, 2008)

Dear susie,

I use it all the time, and in proper context too; it makes for me looking smarter than I actually am 



Dear Essay on Human Nature,


Fuck. You.


----------



## Suze (Jul 29, 2008)

^
Dearest you
It makes you look pretty smart, actually. Well, at least compared to me, who still doesn't know excactly when/where to use it or not. (Not saying being smarter than me is a *huge *accomplishment.)


----------



## The Fez (Jul 29, 2008)

dear ^

I couldn't tell you exactly in what context it's used, you just kind of... _know_, I suppose. Weird that.


Dearest me,

stop posting on dims and get on with that essay, it isn't going to write itself

- Fez


Re: Dearest me,

you can't make me!


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Jul 29, 2008)

Dearest you,

I bloody well can!
now get writing before you recieve a swift kick to the arse!

Dearest me,

Bloody well write the events of the last day and a half in the journal before the sake dissolves it!


Dearest me,

Bloody well write the events of the last day and a half in the journal before the sake dissolves it!


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 29, 2008)

Dearest Fez,

You're cute when you talk to yourself.




Dearest Tom,

You're cute when you say "bloody well" a lot.



Dearest me,

Shut up already.


ok bye


----------



## mszwebs (Jul 29, 2008)

Dear dude,

You totally failed. I gave you multiple opportunities to take the hint and nothin'. 

I will attempt not to take it personally. Please try harder today before I give up on you, k?

Love,

Your friend


----------



## Suze (Jul 29, 2008)

you guys totally stole my "dearest". 




ok, i need sleep.


----------



## Pixelpops (Jul 29, 2008)

Dear person who was walking through town today. 

Stop walking faster than I'm driving, it's upsetting. And thank you for telling me you liked The Smiths too! It made me giggle, and I totally needed to have a giggle.

xx


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 29, 2008)

Dearest Mellie,

Fez and Tom could be the eyebrow bros......


Now stop changing the subject and post those pics.....


----------



## Sandie S-R (Jul 29, 2008)

Dear very quiet house,

I know you miss the boy as much as I do. 

*sigh*

What I wouldn't give for a loud laugh, water fight or a rousing game of Guitar Hero. 

*sigh*

He will be back again. I promise. 


In the meantime, hang in there. 


Maybe we can get some work done.


If the quiet wasn't so deafening. 





Nanna


----------



## largenlovely (Jul 30, 2008)

dear hair, 

I know i pushed you to your limit, but why did you have to start leaving me...in small broken pieces. The color you finally settled at is horrible as well. I hated to have to cut so much of you off...and i will miss you, even if you turned on me.....*sob* 

Signed,
A Girl With Shorter Miscolored Hair


----------



## Shosh (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Winter,
Can you please hurry up and make your exit so Spring time can be ushered in.
I am tired of making the freezing cold dash first thing in the morning to the WC.

On your way now please.

Yours Sincerely

Shoshana


----------



## Suze (Jul 30, 2008)

"Dear" cigarette

*Must. Resist. Temptation. *

Hateful wishes from me


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Xxxxxxx~

I know you think you are a very charming, nice, honest guy...you are not. You are so full of shit you can't even smell your stank any more. You're the worst kind of man. The kind who thinks his very presence is a gift to all womandom (especially fat womandom). Again, you are wrong. You are an arrogant, conceited, using, degrading, lying through your so-called "honesty" man-whore. Rating women you've bedded ("Oh she's in the top 5") and calling it a compliment? A compliment to whom? The 695 other women you've slept with who didn't make the "top 5"? I know you'd say you were joking if I had stuck around long enough to hear more of your bullshit but I know you are not joking. You really mean every sleazy word. That, my slimey friend, is your biggest lie. The one you tell yourself about yourself. Yes, blame everyone else...you are innocent. Sadly your bullshit works for you. These poor women see a good looking, charming FA who is open and honest about what he is looking for. Then somehow all of them suddenly start to think they could be the one that claims your heart for good. This, of course is through no fault of your own, is it Mr. Honesty. And when it ends (and it will because it always does) it will be her fault because you "never lied". You were never in the wrong...And yet as the pattern repeats over and over and over again someone must realize that it _has_ to be you who is in fact wrong. Because while the women change you stay the same, the game, and the result stays the same. Same game, same player, same result...but always someone else's fault. Instead of owning up to your own shitty way of dealing with women you turn it around and make it their fault. You are nothing more than a child mistreating his toys. One day your toys will fight back, Xxxxxxx and put you firmly in your place. I can't wait to see it.

Very Thankful She Didn't Play Your Game,
Nancy


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Dina

Thank you for last night. I was in one of my moods and you came through in a big way. I know I havent seen you for 2 years, but I still think you're awesome. It was nice to finally have someone to talk to that can relate to me and not stick their nose in the air. I feel much better now


-
Love,
Ajax


----------



## supersoup (Jul 30, 2008)

dear day off,

thanks for sucking. your torrential downpours and muggy weather suck. i was hoping for a nice day, to go for a walk at the park, maybe read some of my book in the sunshine...but no. so thanks for that. 

psh,
soup



hey me,

let's go out on a date, you deserve one.

ok,
me


----------



## Amatrix (Jul 30, 2008)

dear Susannah
thanks for my first light green can!
and the nice compliments.
your an awesome person.

love and light to you and yours
amatrix


----------



## mimosa (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear F,

I hope you didnt forget. And dont be scared. Its just me. No one special. Just a regular fat chick. 




M


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear susieQ,

Stay strong, lady. I've got 4 weeks and 3 days in and it's getting easier and easier to ignore the sudden cravings. Start a new hobby or something. My bf left me his PSP to play with when the craving hit me...and it works like a charm. My character has a bajilliondy dollars from doing quests because I had so many damned cravings...but it worked.

Fight The Tobacco Power,
Melanie


Dear tummy of mine,

Wtf is up with all the strange noises and stuff? Seriously. You're starting to freak me out. Am I dying? Are YOU dying? IS IT AN ALIEN??? Omg...it's an alien, isn't it? Oh man!

Not ready to be an alien host,
Melanie


----------



## Surlysomething (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Mother


I get it. I've always got it.



Enjoy the trip with YOUR family.


Tina


----------



## ThatFatGirl (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Mom,

Thank you for not lecturing me about weight loss and being somewhat encouraging when you finally let me talk 20 minutes into on our call yesterday. I had pretty much decided not to tell you about my health issues fearing your reaction, but hearing your voice on the phone yesterday made me long for the comfort you used to be able to provide me. I know you tried to be supportive without being overbearing and intrusive. Thank you for not saying, "I told you so." It was a real conversation and it meant the world to me.

Crazy may run in the family, but you don't have to give in early. Please hang onto your sanity for as long as you can. 

I love you,
Laura


----------



## CAMellie (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Justin,

I read your rep comment. Ha...ha...ha...ha 


Melanie


----------



## Mathias (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Stuntman Ignition,

You suck. You FUCKING suck!! 


Dear Harrison,

I'm glad my sister had to babysit you today. Seeing your smile manged to make my day 100 times better. 

Your buddy,

-Matt


----------



## Pixelpops (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Zelda II.

Why are you so difficult. I have a headache from playing you all day, it's probably from all the bright red flashing on the game over screen.

If you give me a seizure, we will no longer be friends. K?

xx


----------



## bigsexy920 (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Self, 

Never piss off Nancy - 


Self



Oh yeah - I think I actually know whom you are talking about.


----------



## The Orange Mage (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear USPS Shipment Tracking,

Either update once a night like you say, or just give up and remove yourself from the earth. I can understand not giving any infor between "Electronic Notification" and "Delivered" on Express Mail and some Priorities, but weeklong First Class mailings or longer should at least tell me they've stopped in Memphis or someshit.

Considering going postal,
The Orange Mage


----------



## JoyJoy (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Clem Snide, 


You are my new love. How could you have escaped me for so long? 

Sincerely, 

Your New Fan


----------



## Blackjack (Jul 30, 2008)

Dear Victoria,

Please come down out of the tree quickly and unharmed. I'm worried.

-Your human


----------



## mimosa (Jul 31, 2008)

Dear F

I was impressed that you didnt forget. Now I want to forget about the 2 and a half hour beautiful disaster we created. Thanks for bring me down to earth again. 



Always,

M


----------



## RedVelvet (Jul 31, 2008)

Dear boobookittyblackcat Mr. Love Slut:

Home soon...there will be head scratchies and gooshy food.

Promise.


----------



## That1BigGirl (Jul 31, 2008)

Dear guys working on the rail road,

Thank you for being such eye candy. I do request that you start taking off your shirts, that would be muy bueno!

Thank you,

~The Girl admiring ya'll from the window~



Dear Peach Butter,

You are made of awesomeness. (And thanks to mom/gma for helping make you so).

~T1BG~


Dear Flav-O-Rich,

You shall feel my wrath for your misguided business practices and rude delivery men. Maybe not now, but soon. MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Sincerely,

~No longer a customer of yours


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 31, 2008)

Dear little cousin Michael.

Thanks for showing me your pokemon tape, now I have the urge to watch the god forsaken show I embarrassingly loved as a kid, which means digging for the 3 tapes I have of it.

If you weren't my cousin I'd throw you off the Tobin, or better yet have a Bulbasaur attack you lol

_
Cousin Kevin


----------



## JoyJoy (Jul 31, 2008)

That1BigGirl said:


> Dear guys working on the rail road,
> 
> Thank you for being such eye candy. I do request that you start taking off your shirts, that would be muy bueno!
> 
> ...



Dear Pretty Girl admiring the railroad men, 

Thank you for reminding me of one of my favorite childhood songs. 

Now if I could stop it from playing in my head all the live-long day, I'd be happier.  

Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o.

Love, 

Me


----------



## WhiteHotRazor (Jul 31, 2008)

Dear Ralph Macchio,

Just to let you know that crane technique woulda never worked in real life and you really took a chance with that one, I tried the crane technique as a kid and ended up falling off a tree stump and breaking my arm.

Plus you were hurt after they pulled that sneaky Cobra Kai bullshit on you but I understand you couldn't let Yourself, Miyagi and especially a young chubbier Elizabeth Shue down.

You always seem to be put into a pretty bad situation in the films you were in but somehow a really short guy gets you out of them.. oh and also much respect for getting those kids out of that burning house

Stay Gold,

WHR


----------



## KHayes666 (Jul 31, 2008)

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Dear Ralph Macchio,
> 
> Just to let you know that crane technique woulda never worked in real life and you really took a chance with that one, I tried the crane technique as a kid and ended up falling off a tree stump and breaking my arm.
> 
> ...



You realize in Karate Kid Part 3....in real life he was a year OLDER than Thomas Ian Nicholas? haha


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 31, 2008)

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Dear Ralph Macchio,
> 
> Just to let you know that crane technique woulda never worked in real life and you really took a chance with that one, I tried the crane technique as a kid and ended up falling off a tree stump and breaking my arm.
> 
> ...




She was chubby.........?

I remember wishing like fook I could get as skinny as her when I was a teen :blink: :doh:


----------



## WhiteHotRazor (Jul 31, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> She was chubby.........?
> 
> I remember wishing like fook I could get as skinny as her when I was a teen :blink: :doh:



Chubby for her


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 31, 2008)

if I ever meet Ralph Macchio in real life, I hope it's by a locker so I can shove him in it. 

Just so in like the year 2041 I can be watching the news on my recliner and see "Ralph Macchio spends last 30+ yrs cowering in locker, wins ultimate pipsqueak award"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cY1HcRoczV4

this about sums it up.

oh and yeah, she was kinda chubby, although it was hard to tell, since she didn't wear skin tight clothes, she was wearing those baggy shirts, you know? Def. had a chubby face though, although that could be because next to LETS DO IT FOR JOHNNY anyone above 7lbs looks fat.


----------



## That1BigGirl (Jul 31, 2008)

JoyJoy said:


> Dear Pretty Girl admiring the railroad men,
> 
> Thank you for reminding me of one of my favorite childhood songs.
> 
> ...



Dear Ms. Joy~

There are currently two men outside playing instruments. One is strumming on a banjo. I jest not. But the railroad men are gone for the day  

Come sit with us,

~T1BG~


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jul 31, 2008)

Jaysus, I feel like a whale now :blink: 


and I think you're both nuts...sure you're both FAs? 



But yeah...you could be right BGB...she was definitely bigger than Ralphie...but who wasn't?


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 31, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Jaysus, I feel like a whale now :blink:
> 
> 
> and I think you're both nuts...sure you're both FAs?



hey now, this was before I had the internet, y'know? I mean, obviously I could leave the house and go look at fat chicks, but I was like, 12, so, you know.

It was either Elizabeth Shue is fat or it's back to the 3am infomercials for weight loss pills where they showed the BEFORE pictures of fat women looking all miserable and me being like, oooh, fat chicks .. yay! 

although, not really. 

You really shouldn't question these things, cause when you do, I have to tell you stuff like the above. It just ain't right!


----------



## bigsexy920 (Jul 31, 2008)

What about Natalie from the facts of life?


----------



## Carrie (Jul 31, 2008)

bigsexy920 said:


> What about Natalie from the facts of life?


Her dangerously high annoying quotient way outweighed any potential hotness, Berna.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Jul 31, 2008)

Carrie said:


> Her dangerously high annoying quotient way outweighed any potential hotness, Berna.



Coupled with her face, of course.


----------



## SMA413 (Jul 31, 2008)

Dear Ranch-
Thank you for being just so... *ranch* these last 4 weeks. Going back to my childhood for a while was exactly what I needed. I also needed the reaffirmation that what I'm doing is what I'm good at. I really really needed that little boost of confidence to make it through my next (and last) semester. I still can't get over the fact that camp is over.

So thank you for showing me the utter bliss of driving in the hill country with the windows down in an old truck, small Texas towns, late night (and beer-fueled) guitar sessions, freindships with unlikely people, nights so filled with stars it seemed like you could reach out and grab them, and of course, the availability of several cute guys to flirt shamelessly with.  LOL.

I'll miss you desperately in the fall.

Green tress-
Samantha


Dear Israel-
Get ready cuz here I come. 
Shalom-
Samantha


Dear A-
Can't wait for coffee in Tel Aviv. 
-Samantha


Dear Dims-
Missed you guys!!
-Samantha


----------



## butch (Aug 1, 2008)

Dear Samantha Brown of the Travel Channel,

I hate you more than words can say, all because you taunted me last night with your panda adventures in Chengdu. The worst part of your adventures at the panda reserve was the part where you told me that for about $125 I too might be able to hold a panda and feed it bamboo. Now I have to have much envy for you for getting to hold the panda, and try and find a way to afford traveling to Chengdu, China so that I can pay $125 a day for a whole year holding pandas and feeding them bamboo. This is more than my feeble brain can handle, especially after the panda cute overload you provided me with your TV show.

Skadoosh,
Butch


----------



## WhiteHotRazor (Aug 2, 2008)

Dear Melanie Safka,

I was listening to your 1971 hit Brand New Key and I would just like to say you came off a bit stalkerish in that one...look we all know you wanted to test out your new rollerskates but damn you were really creepin on that guy. He musta really had some amazing key

Also,if you ever perform that song now as an old woman I would suggest against it because no one wants to hear about your old wrinkly rollerskate anymore, it's definitely not "Brand New" 

As a young new female artist that's a hot song and is a definite coming of age tale but now completely irrelevant since in your years I'm sure you've had more keys run through you than a Colombian airport.

Peace,Love and Reality,

WHR


----------



## SuperMishe (Aug 2, 2008)

butch said:


> Dear Samantha Brown of the Travel Channel,
> Now I have to have much envy for you for getting to hold the panda, and try and find a way to afford traveling to Chengdu, China so that I can pay $125 a day for a whole year holding pandas and feeding them bamboo. This is more than my feeble brain can handle, especially after the panda cute overload you provided me with your TV show.
> 
> Skadoosh,
> Butch



LOL - it might be cheaper to go vet. school and become a panda specialist - then you can get PAID for holding them all day long! :bow:


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 2, 2008)

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Dear Melanie Safka,
> 
> I was listening to your 1971 hit Brand New Key and I would just like to say you came off a bit stalkerish in that one...look we all know you wanted to test out your new rollerskates but damn you were really creepin on that guy. He musta really had some amazing key
> 
> ...



I was named after Melanie Safka...


----------



## cold comfort (Aug 2, 2008)

*dear friends:*

get your shit together, it's 6pm and i'm tired of sitting around. i want to go out, DAMMIT! _*balls up hands into fists and stomps around*_

lazy sonuvas... 
-j


*dear butch:*

i've got a major travel itch myself and i'm finding travel shows are getting more and more difficult to watch for much of the same reasons that you have. my favorite show on television is *three sheets* _with zane lamprey_. basically this guy hits up the coolest places in the world and samples their most popular drinks (and by samples i mean gets plastered). IF THAT'S NOT A JOB I WOULDN'T MIND HAVING I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

basically, i feel ya. hang in there, you will conquer the pandas.

my sympathies,
-j


*dear zane lamprey:*

give me your job.

thanks,
-j

*
dear zane lamprey:*

sidekick? maybe? just a thought.

-j


----------



## mossystate (Aug 2, 2008)

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Dear Melanie Safka,
> 
> I was listening to your 1971 hit Brand New Key and I would just like to say you came off a bit stalkerish in that one...look we all know you wanted to test out your new rollerskates but damn you were really creepin on that guy. He musta really had some amazing key
> 
> ...




Dear WHR,


Nothing like a young boy, ripping on an old woman. It's like...so...funny....yet....not.

Oh, and, some men....men....like old and wrinkly.


Peace, Love and Reality,

Mossystate:kiss2:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 2, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> I was named after Melanie Safka...




and I got your key........errrrrrrrrr I mean tweezers right here Bay-bee  :batting:


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 2, 2008)

Dear everyone

I am the reflection of perfection, the number one selection.

I am the man of the hour the one with the power, too sweet to be sour

I'm the man you can't take, and I'm sweeter than a chocolate cake

I'm the sensation of the nation, the ultimate creation

I'm the toast of the coast that backs up every boast

I'm the definition of cocky and I hit harder than Rocky

What you see is what you get...and what you don't see


IS BETTER YET


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 3, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear everyone
> 
> I am the reflection of perfection, the number one selection.
> 
> ...



I am going to print this out and hang it on my fridge!

A+


----------



## Surlysomething (Aug 3, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear everyone
> 
> I am the reflection of perfection, the number one selection.
> 
> ...


 

You must get really tired and sore with having to lug your ego around all day. :bow:


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 3, 2008)

Dear Tony Iommi & Ronnie Jamies Dio and the rest of Heaven & Hell/Black Sabbath

Oddly enough, I already got to tell you this in person today, but thank you so much for the amazing music and getting me through loads of tough times. 

Oh and signing my shit.  






Really though, shaking your idols hands and saying thank you and them looking at you and smiling back like they're just as happy to meet you as you are to meet them is the most awesome feeling in the world!

Can't wait for the concert next week!


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 3, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear Tony Iommi & Ronnie Jamies Dio and the rest of Heaven & Hell/Black Sabbath
> 
> Oddly enough, I already got to tell you this in person today, but thank you so much for the amazing music and getting me through loads of tough times.
> 
> ...



The world is full of kings and queens who blind your eyes and steal your dreams its heaven and hell!


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 3, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> You must get really tired and sore with having to lug your ego around all day. :bow:



trust me, after the weekend i'm having...I needed some self loving just to show i'm still sane lol


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 3, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> trust me, after the weekend i'm having...I needed some self loving just to show i'm still sane lol



Dear KHayes,

Here is a sock in case you need it.

~T1BG~


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 3, 2008)

That1BigGirl said:


> Dear KHayes,
> 
> Here is a sock in case you need it.
> 
> ~T1BG~



Thank you for those kind words lol I won't be needing it....but if I do i'll let you know lol


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 3, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Thank you for those kind words lol I won't be needing it....but if I do i'll let you know lol



LOL Well, I don't have man bits, but you know- since you said you needed some self love, I figured I'd offer a sock... since they do it like that in the movies.


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 3, 2008)

That1BigGirl said:


> LOL Well, I don't have man bits, but you know- since you said you needed some self love, I figured I'd offer a sock... since they do it like that in the movies.



Can I name it Mr. Socko? ;-)


----------



## bigsexy920 (Aug 3, 2008)

Oh god I look just like her :doh:



BothGunsBlazing said:


> Coupled with her face, of course.


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 3, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Can I name it Mr. Socko? ;-)



Don't care, but don't you think Mick would be upset if he found out? I just don't want it back. I prefer my socks soft, not starched.



Dear Coffee,

You go so well with peach cobbler. Thank you

~T1BG~


----------



## WhiteHotRazor (Aug 3, 2008)

Dear WHR,

Apparently your sense of humor is not always understood and is actually taken seriously by some people

Remember that "young boy",

WHR


----------



## Shosh (Aug 3, 2008)

Dear Aldi,
My sister and I love you because you save us a lot of money.

Thank you.

Susannah


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 3, 2008)

WhiteHotRazor said:


> Dear WHR,
> 
> Apparently your sense of humor is not always understood and is actually taken seriously by some people
> 
> ...




Someone said young boy? Where? Is he legal????


----------



## Sugar (Aug 3, 2008)

Dear Family,

Thanks for being so fantastic during such a horrible time for all of us. Our strength as a family is what will carry us through our losses. 

Love, 
Sarah

~~~~~~

Dear Mom,

Stop being a fucking drama queen. Your antics make me sad AND mad. Cut it out already!

Love, 
Your Youngest and most outspoken

~~~~~~

Dear Bed,

Stop being so uncomfortable...pretty please? I needed sleep last night, hell I need sleep today. Please stop sucking so bad?

Love,
Sleepy user

~~~~~~

Dear Work,

Well I finally found another job worth having. In an economy of hard knocks and higher than normal jobless rate the first job I applied to that I wanted I got. I guess you were wrong to think that A) I'm lucky to have you guys & B) that I'm not qualified for anything. 

I no longer have to hear about why I have to clean up other people's messes or why I'm great but... Sometimes keeping people is as easy as not being a fucking asshole about everything. Saying no to say no is dumb and breaking promises proves that you're not only horrible managers but just cruddy people. 

Tomorrow if you're nice to me I'll give notice, if you're not then I'll just pack up my couple of things and let you deal with the shortage of people. I could totally use a month off work.

Lots of genuine love,
Sarah

PS Thanks for being jerks and not letting me take a personal day for the funeral. I know that the refusal to help me trade days or shifts with someone was so appreciated...and your condolences were appreciated too...jerk faces.


----------



## Surlysomething (Aug 3, 2008)

Dear wicked-hot phone repair guy


You're seriously not my type but OMG. I tried hard not to be super-drooly over you. Haha.


I'm a sucker for accents, that's for sure. (and apparently tall, lanky Palestinian men who look like European soccer players)


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 3, 2008)

Dear StupidAss,

You KNOW what you need to do. How much more proof do you need??? Gah! You're really pissing me off! I KNOW you're so much smarter than you're acting in all this. It's really not worth it. Please...do what you know needs to be done...and soon.


I love you,
Melanie


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (Aug 3, 2008)

Dear My New Neighbor,

Please move. You have been here two months and you are driving me crazy. First, you turned your garage into a full blown karaoke space and have people over four nights a week to do this. But now, this is the third weekend in a row where you have started Sunday morning with a three hour shouting match with your girlfriend followed by an hour of trying to jump start your van. The van with the lightning bolt and the name of your band, "Thor," written on it. So please, please, go away.

Sincerely, 
The one who hates you


----------



## mimosa (Aug 3, 2008)

Dear guys

Please learn how to be straight forward with me! First you say you like me and you don't show it with your actions. Now you're really confusing me when you say you don't ...but your actions say you do. You flirt and stalk me EVERY single day!:doh: COME ON! Make up your minds already. Check a box....Yes or No. If you behave...I'll be very nice to you.




Mimi


----------



## cold comfort (Aug 3, 2008)

cold comfort said:


> *dear friends:*
> get your shit together, it's 6pm and i'm tired of sitting around. i want to go out, DAMMIT! _*balls up hands into fists and stomps around*_
> lazy sonuvas...
> -j



dear aforementioned friends:

thank you for a wild, completely drunken, sweaty, dancing, singing, pervy ol' time out here in the country at the hole in the wall bar, the mug. i apologize for my lack of faith in you around 6pm yesterday, because shit ... did we all deliver or what.

i know the next couple of weekends are going to be even better. cheers to august. :happy:
-j


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 4, 2008)

Dear self,

October 1st is your last day, if you move to Cali, make sure that H and J don't screw you over.


----------



## pdgujer148 (Aug 5, 2008)

Dear Human Nature...

Your ability to continually stretch the limits of the sacred and the profane each day fascinates and frightens me.

Best,

Peter


----------



## Blackjack (Aug 5, 2008)

Dear _The Departed_,

I am so, so sorry for not watching you sooner.

This is truly a night worth remembering.

Yes, you're that damn good, and Martin definitely more than earned his long-overdue Oscar.

-BJ


----------



## goofy girl (Aug 5, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear _The Departed_,
> 
> I am so, so sorry for not watching you sooner.
> 
> ...



OMG wasn't it freaking amazing?!?!?

Oh, I mean:

Dear Beej,

OMG! Wasn't it freaking amazing?!?!

Your friend,
Goof


----------



## tink977 (Aug 5, 2008)

Dear semi-new girlfriend of one of my best friends,

I did my research...in my normal sneaky way and well....you are just what I expected you to be....a lying, cheating whore!!! All those e-mails that you thought were going to some hot guy were actually coming straight to me. If you hurt him, I will hurt you.

Sincerley,
Me!


----------



## Surlysomething (Aug 5, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear _The Departed_,
> 
> I am so, so sorry for not watching you sooner.
> 
> ...




One of my most faves ever, for sure. 

Can't believe you waited so long. I was at the theatre the day after it opened. Don't ever doubt the Scorsese!


----------



## Surlysomething (Aug 5, 2008)

Dear PMS

Thanks once again for being a freakin' tornado in my normally quiet life.

And also, thanks for leaving!

Yours truly
Tina


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 5, 2008)

Dear Truck,

Please be cheap and easy to fix.

I love you and need you desperately,

~T1BG~


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Aug 5, 2008)

bigsexy920 said:


> Oh god I look just like her :doh:



Maybe in the way that Maury Povich has those shows where the people who were all nerdy looking as children come on the show to reveal to an old friend how hot they look now.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 5, 2008)

That1BigGirl said:


> Dear Truck,
> 
> Please be cheap and easy to fix.
> 
> ...



Have you found out what's wrong with it yet? I used to be a service advisor...so I am interested.


----------



## mossystate (Aug 5, 2008)

DumbAssBunny said:


> Maybe in the way that Maury Povich has those shows where the people who were all nerdy looking as children come on the show to reveal to an old friend how hot they look now.



Yeah...nothing against the woman who played that character...I just only see the squint as being similar....Berna's squint being the kind of squint that is saucy and slightly mysterious.


----------



## SocialbFly (Aug 5, 2008)

Dear Filet,
I love your pink and moist yumminess....and you are oohhh so tender....and crab legs, you had me at hello with your buttery side-dishiness....
Stacy and Dianna

(*slobber*)


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 5, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Have you found out what's wrong with it yet? I used to be a service advisor...so I am interested.



Yes. Kinda. I'll go take a photo. Hahahahaha


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 5, 2008)

Dear Green Eyed Fairy-

This is a photo of my front driver's side.







Here is... close up.






While I cannot name this part (yet I can do my own oil changes and basic things)- I do know that it's not too good to have that broken. Cost, lucky for me, as long as it's not something that has to be riveted, will not be too bad (unless we can't get a piece from a junk yard). TIME is the problem, as my mechanic who helps me to fix things is running short on time lately.

Thanks for looking,

~M~


To my darling friend R,

I'm sorry I can only be your friend. I thank you for respecting that- and I thank you for letting me borrow your van until I can get the current death trap fixed.

Mucho Loves,

~M~


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Aug 5, 2008)

Dear Alleged FAs:

If you have sexual feelings for and/or go out with and/or have sex with skinny chicks, I don't believe you when you claim FA status. Therefore, I have a new policy from here on out. It is as follows:

Unless you

have sex with me, a fat girl, or
have had sex with another fat girl whose word I believe, or
can show me pictures of past girlfriends who were all fat

I'm not going to buy into your FA claims.

-Barb


----------



## ekmanifest (Aug 5, 2008)

Dear Stacy and Dianna,

And you didn't invite me why?

Curiously,

Elizabeth



SocialbFly said:


> Dear Filet,
> I love your pink and moist yumminess....and you are oohhh so tender....and crab legs, you had me at hello with your buttery side-dishiness....
> Stacy and Dianna
> 
> (*slobber*)


----------



## Carrie (Aug 5, 2008)

bigsexy920 said:


> Oh god I look just like her :doh:


You shush, Berna, you're 100% gorgeous.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 5, 2008)

That1BigGirl said:


> Dear Green Eyed Fairy-
> 
> This is a photo of my front driver's side.
> 
> ...



Tell me what your mechanic says and the details when you can? or send me a copy of an estimate if you wish....

Im thinking tie rods or something to do with the front suspension is what Im looking at? It looks more complicated/pricey than just an axle (which is what I think Im seeing behind it) 
and yes, the price of alignment always follows any work done on the front end- keep your front end aligned or it can cause uneven tire wear


What exactly happened btw? You can pm me all this if you want so we wont hijack the thread


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 5, 2008)

Dear Grandfather,

You've been proving doctors wrong for 81 years....can you do it one last time, just one?

I wouldn't be where I am now if you didn't put in a word for me at the Herald, where you patrolled for 35 years.

So here's one last chance to prove everyone that you're going to live longer.

-
Kevin


----------



## HDANGEL15 (Aug 5, 2008)

*DEAR future EMPLOYEers

HIRE ME ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll make you lots of $ and be grateful 24 / 7 and you will get your moneys worth..guar-an-teeeeeeeeeed

love a needy employee to be*


----------



## BigCutieSasha (Aug 6, 2008)

Dear Amazingly wonderful woman,
Thank you SO much for picking up my brand new Samsung Instinct phone and asking if it belonged to anyone in the restaurant. You could have done anything with it. But you were awesome and returned it to me. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!


----------



## KnottyOne (Aug 6, 2008)

Dear Eric,

Get it together man, you can handle this. It doesn't matter what you see, it doesnt matter what you hear, just keep it together. They can say what they say and it doesn't mean anything to you. You know who you are, and they can believe whatever you want, and you stay true to what you are. It's only easier from here, one week and your back at school, and this hell hole is behind you, just hold out a lil longer.

You got this -eric


----------



## pdgujer148 (Aug 6, 2008)

Dear New CEO:

I'm not sure I trust you yet, but you made huge inroads with me today when you saw past appearances and picked the candidate that I thought was best suited for the job. Thanks for placing ability above appearance. 

Best,

Almost Trusting.


----------



## tink977 (Aug 6, 2008)

Dear text currently locked on my phone,

What exactly are you supposed to mean to me? Why did you randomly come to me on at 3:43 on a Tuesday afternoon? And what, oh what was my response supposed to be? Whatever it was supposed to be, I'm sure it wasn't what I sent back?

Sincerely,
Reciever of said text


----------



## Surlysomething (Aug 6, 2008)

Dear gorgeous summer day

Can you please not get toooooo hot today. No one can agree on air conditioning at work. Too hot! Too cold! There's never a just right. I woke up hot and I felt crabby. I feel 'just right' sitting here. Don't mess it up!


Dear self

Mellow the fuck out.

Love
Me.


----------



## washburn (Aug 6, 2008)

Dear you,

I think we all know someone who this letter shoud be addressed to

Everyone hurts someone at some point in their lives. This is understandable, it's human nature to test limits and learn of our capabilities and inhibitions but we as whole learn from it, progress, and make amends for mistakes and feel remorse. It is forgivable. The difference between you, and us,

is that you like it. 

You like taking someone beautiful, and over the months or years smear them, taint them, manipulate and control them until that fragile beauty is just a hollow shard of once was. You take cold clinical satisfaction in holding your grudges, fears and guilt and rubbing them into the eyes of the undeserved. You feel powerful in the knowledge that you have made your mark upon innocence. 

Does this make you feel proud? Do you feel powerful? Or do you just plain get off on knowing that what you did to that beautiful, caring someone will change them, that they will hold suspicion fear or even contempt against the people who's faces and hearts look just like the facade that you painted over yours to lure them in and hurt them, emotionally and/or physically. Do you even care that you leave scars behind where footprints should have been? Or feel any remorse that these beautiful souls will now hide in fear of the loving light you stood in front of to hide yourself so you could do your damage? No you don't.

You are filth in all of it's essence, you don't deserve the skin you hide in. You don't deserve forgiveness mainly because you couldn't care less if it was offered to you, you will just walk along and taint, and smear, and shit all over things that are good, innocent and pure. It's people like you that ruin things for people like me. It's people like me that can still see through your emotional graffiti, scrawled over these works of living art and offer ourselves up to heal, teach and love, and they refuse. They hide from it out of the fear and insecurities that you shoved in their faces until they no longer want to reach out to people like me. You took their power, with no remorse or thought to consequence, and what do you do with it? You throw it away and skulk off to find more.

Why do you do it? Was it because someone did it to you? Because you gave up? I don't care why. I don't because you don't care for anyone else. Me caring about people like you is like sniffing dog shit as if it were roses. I don't care because you don't want to make amends for your mistakes. You don't want to change anything.

It's people like you that make people like me cry themselves to sleep on behalf of all the beauty you corrupted.

You will get what you deserve. You will die alone. No one will speak of your name in honor after you pass on through this world like the painful fucking kidney stone you are.

All I really hope for is that maybe people like me can one day erase every mark you left in this world so you will one day become forgotten. 

One can only hope.


......I just had to get that out so I can step back out into the light again.


----------



## CleverBomb (Aug 6, 2008)

(yeah, plagiarizing myself borrowing from LJ Cat_Macros... so?)
Your comment


> Dear self
> 
> Mellow the fuck out.
> 
> ...



reminded me of this.




-Rusty


----------



## wrestlingguy (Aug 6, 2008)

Whatever prompted this, bro, I felt your pain.

You are in my prayers tonight.


----------



## Surlysomething (Aug 6, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> (yeah, plagiarizing myself borrowing from LJ Cat_Macros... so?)
> Your comment
> 
> 
> ...


 

I like it!


----------



## CleverBomb (Aug 6, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> I like it!


I'm glad you did.


-Rusty


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Aug 6, 2008)

Dear DVD and CD manufacturers,

Can't we all just agree that the three sides of difficult to remove security tape is just unnecessary overkill. After all if someone is going to steal it, won't they just illegally download it anyway?

Thank,
Anxious Consumer


----------



## Suze (Aug 7, 2008)

Dear Mountain (Part 2)

Tomorrow is the day, and I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm nervous as hell. 
Just looking forward until it's over so I don't have to worry about this shit any more. :/


- I


----------



## TCUBOB (Aug 7, 2008)

Srly. Even when you order it in the mail. 



cute_obese_girl said:


> Dear DVD and CD manufacturers,
> 
> Can't we all just agree that the three sides of difficult to remove security tape is just unnecessary overkill. After all if someone is going to steal it, won't they just illegally download it anyway?
> 
> ...


----------



## goofy girl (Aug 7, 2008)

Dear Starbucks Annoying Customers,

I know that you enjoy the big comfy couches, and the fireplaces and homey atmosphere. However, it is NOT your home. Will you please leave your shoes on, pick up after yourselves, and not lie down on the couch like you are the only person that exists? It would make it much more enjoyable for the rest of us.

Thanks,
A Fellow Starbucks Customer with Manners


----------



## MetalGirl (Aug 7, 2008)

Dear Mr. Annoying Nasally Guy,

I work in close quarters with you and you're a very talkative. I have listen to your constant stream of stupid questions and blurted incoherent statements on a daily basis. Please have mercy on me and shut up for just 5 minutes, 5 minutes a day, that's all ask.

Thank you kindly,
Your co-worker


----------



## sweet&fat (Aug 8, 2008)

Dear asshole museum that's been jerking me around for the past year,

Fuck you. I know you don't have a lot of money, but that doesn't mean you get to ruin my show and bump me as curator. First it's an issue of borrowing/moving works, and now this. I'm taking my show elsewhere. Good luck doing yours without me.

Yours in disgust,

s&f


----------



## olwen (Aug 9, 2008)

Dear Joss Whedon, 

I have watched the last song in act two of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog over ten times now and I can't get the song out of my head. It's sooo catchy and who knew Neil Patrick Harris could sing or that Nathan Fillion had such good comedic timing? This little project is waaaay better than that musical episode of Buffy that I have watched more times than I care to admit. I also refuse to admit that I've listened to the soundtrack dozens of times now....

If I have to choose betwen Spike and Dr. Horrible I'd choose the bad doctor any day of the week. How can a girl not choose the guy with the Ph.D in horribleness? :swoons: (yeah I know he's gay, but a girl can still dream hot dreams). Anyway Joss Whedon, it is because of you that I can't get any of those damned catchy songs out of my head. 

Gee, thanks Joss Whedon.

Signed, 

Girl who's now addicted to Neil Patrick Harris' singing.


----------



## Ash (Aug 9, 2008)

olwen said:


> Signed,
> 
> Girl who's now addicted to Neil Patrick Harris' singing.



Dear olwen,

With my freeze-ray I will STOP...the world.

Yours in horribleness,
Dr. Horrible

Dear olwen,

I, too, am in love with NPH and the soundtrack to Dr. Horrible. I have also incorporated quotes into my daily vocabulary. My current favorites: "Look at my wrist! I have to go!" and "What a crazy, random happenstance!"

Signed,
ANOTHER girl who is addicted to Dr. Horrible


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 9, 2008)

Dear Youtube

How is it that I see 15-20 minute videos all over the site but mine is too long at 11 minutes?

What a bunch of cockadookie


----------



## olwen (Aug 9, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Dear olwen,
> 
> With my freeze-ray I will STOP...the world.
> 
> ...



Dear Ashley, 

"Right...Freeze ray." I love those lines too. I also like "I'm moist. The most badass I get is to make people feel like they have to take a shower." But my most favorite line is: "...The Hammer, is my penis." I'm waiting for the just the right moment to use this.

Any dolt with half a brain can see....the rapture inside of me is on the rise.



Sincerely, 

The undersecretary to the treasurer of the Evil League of Evil


----------



## supersoup (Aug 9, 2008)

ashley and olwen,

i'm on my way out the door for work, but good googly moogly am i ever right with y'all.

in drhorribleissoawesomeilovehimandcantgetthesongsoutofmyhead love,
soupy


----------



## Pixelpops (Aug 9, 2008)

Dear Last Night..

What happened? Why is their drawing on my arms, and where is my gun?!

xx


----------



## gypsy (Aug 10, 2008)

Dear Sound Card,

You suck and are going to be replaced. How dare you torture me with that irritating scratching noise? Why didn't reinstalling the drivers help? Thank the gods I didn't have to pay for you, and that I have friends that are way more technically inclined than I am, otherwise I would be *really* pissed off by now.

No Love Lost,

me


----------



## tink977 (Aug 11, 2008)

Dear previously locked text,
I unlocked you and then I deleted you too!!! And now I have "no messages" in my inbox. Please come again. I miss you reading you a thousand times a day. I was having a weak moment when I deleted you from my life. Please forgive me. 

Sincerely,
Me


----------



## Mishty (Aug 11, 2008)

Dear Auntie Betty,

Please forgive me for eating your whole box of frosted mini wheats.
I promise I'll replace them, and the leftover meatloaf, and the ugh, cool whip.
Sorry, I'll stay out of your kitchen now.
I swear.....:blush:

-MiMi


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Aug 11, 2008)

olwen said:


> Dear Joss Whedon,
> 
> I have watched the last song in act two of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog over ten times now and I can't get the song out of my head. It's sooo catchy and who knew Neil Patrick Harris could sing or that Nathan Fillion had such good comedic timing? This little project is waaaay better than that musical episode of Buffy that I have watched more times than I care to admit. I also refuse to admit that I've listened to the soundtrack dozens of times now....
> 
> ...


Did anyone catch Liz Vassey in the Department of Redundancy Department, err, Evil League of Evil boardroom? She was Miss Liberty on the short-lived Tick series. Joss Whedon's brother was in there, too.

"I'm not going to fight you at the park, because you know, there's kids there"


----------



## sweet&fat (Aug 11, 2008)

Dear website that sells Dr Horrible t-shirts,

I have a love/hate relationship with you. Whereas it makes me quite happy that the women's L and XL t-shirts are selling out faster than any others, I am sad that thus I cannot yet purchase one! 



olwen said:


> Dear Ashley,
> 
> "Right...Freeze ray." I love those lines too. I also like "I'm moist. The most badass I get is to make people feel like they have to take a shower." But my most favorite line is: "...The Hammer, is my penis." I'm waiting for the just the right moment to use this.
> 
> ...





Ashley said:


> Dear olwen,
> 
> With my freeze-ray I will STOP...the world.
> 
> ...





olwen said:


> Dear Joss Whedon,
> 
> I have watched the last song in act two of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog over ten times now and I can't get the song out of my head. It's sooo catchy and who knew Neil Patrick Harris could sing or that Nathan Fillion had such good comedic timing? This little project is waaaay better than that musical episode of Buffy that I have watched more times than I care to admit. I also refuse to admit that I've listened to the soundtrack dozens of times now....
> 
> ...


----------



## largenlovely (Aug 11, 2008)

Dear person from the past that i've not seen in 10 years,

I hate that our lives are forever bonded in such a tragic way. Seeing you reminds me of a day i'd much rather forget. I know when you look at your disfigured face in the mirror you feel the pain of that day *every* day, and that makes me sad for you..but am i so wrong to want to try to remember good things 364 days out of the year even if you can't? I'd rather remember good times, but seeing you only reminds me of a day i wish had never happened...a day that changed yours, mine, my family and two other families lives forever. I know it's not your fault either and this was out of our control....i know that fate dealt this to you as well and you live in that pain every day of your life...but it still hurts me to see you. I don't know if i'm wrong for that, but I can't seem to help how i feel..

Signed,

The person who passed by you at the bank today and avoided you.


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 11, 2008)

Dear you know who

I walk for miles inside this pit of danger, a place where no one follows me'


I WALK ALONEEEEEEEEEEE


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 11, 2008)

Dear person who hit my beautiful newish-to-me car and left it scarred and disfigured, and then fled the scene,

Fucking die. No, death would be too good for you. I wish you a life where someone else shits all over you and takes no responsibility. I do not have $1000 lying around to fix my car. Half of that was my bash money, and now I more than likely won't be able to afford to go, and will STILL have to put myself $500 in debt to fix it. It will take me MONTHS to pay off what it took YOU thirty seconds to do. How is that fucking fair?

Dear life,

What the hell did I do to piss you off so royally, anyway? 

--Me.


----------



## bexy (Aug 11, 2008)

Dear Bad Luck

Please go away. All a girl is trying to do is get by and be happy. I'm not asking for much. Please leave me alone!!

Thank you!
Little Miss Bad Luck


----------



## mszwebs (Aug 11, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear person who hit my beautiful newish-to-me car and left it scarred and disfigured, and then fled the scene,
> 
> Fucking die. No, death would be too good for you. I wish you a life where someone else shits all over you and takes no responsibility. I do not have $1000 lying around to fix my car. Half of that was my bash money, and now I more than likely won't be able to afford to go, and will STILL have to put myself $500 in debt to fix it. It will take me MONTHS to pay off what it took YOU thirty seconds to do. How is that fucking fair?
> 
> ...



Dear Ginny,

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Love,

Someone too upset to sign a name


----------



## gypsy (Aug 11, 2008)

Dear Dude:

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE MIXED SIGNALS????

Love,

Not Feelin' The Love


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 11, 2008)

Jess, 

Hope against hope that the estimate I get back is for some ridiculously low amount. If it's under $250, I'll still come to the bash anyway. If not, well...  My insurance deductible is $1000, so...yeah.


----------



## Haunted (Aug 12, 2008)

dear green eyed monster and self esteem'
Please go back to your dark corner and leave me alone she loves me and only me and and this is a totall fact. Just because we are 3000 miles away doesn't mean she's gonna find someone else the reasons I stay faithful to her are the reasons she stays for me. So get a grip and realize you can't be there for everything and you can't fix everything just let me love Her and let her love me without your annoying interference


----------



## Shala (Aug 12, 2008)

Dear Haunted,

I completely understand what your feeling right now. Take it from a girl who has been there.....don't let your insecurities ruin a good thing.

With Best Wishes,

Shala


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 12, 2008)

$223. I think that's a hint from (insert your deity here). I'm coming, broke or not!


----------



## LillyBBBW (Aug 12, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> $223. I think that's a hint from (insert your deity here). I'm coming, broke or not!



Ah, so my calls to the Head Office worked! (yay)


----------



## Ample Pie (Aug 12, 2008)

Dear youngest bro,

You are a shit head. I would write this to you directly, but I don't want to give you a heads up to what is looming on your immediate future. Stay oblivious, what's coming will hurt more. 

We took you in when you had no where to go and gave you a home and all the love in the world when your birth mother turned her back on you. And then again, 10 years later when you were just out of jail and needed a place to live. 

And you, you brought drugs into the house where my two young nephews live...beyond that you brought heavy drugs into the very room where they play. What the hell would possess you to bring them into the house in the first place and what shitting bit of brain damage made you think it would be a good idea to hide them under the mattress in the playroom?

Aside from risking their health, you also risked our other brother's job. He is a police officer and you hid drugs in his house! Hell, his wife also works for the police. They took you in and gave you a home and a car and you risked the very jobs that paid for it all. You risked their fucking livelihoods! 

Worse than that, if you can believe it, though, is the fact that you have broken our brother's heart. He has loved you as a brother and best friend for more than a decade and you have absolutely stabbed him in the back and broken his heart. He feels as if he has lost a brother, as if you are dead. And you know what, I can't blame him.

I don't know what he's going to do, but I hope--I sincerely hope--that he tells your probation officer. I hope you pay for this and I hope you learn from it.

Rebecca


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 12, 2008)

Thanks for the calls, L. (((((((((Lilly)))))))))) :kiss2:


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 13, 2008)

Dear Triple H,

Stephanie may be gone but myself and Flair are there for you, plus Batista is up in the sky wishing you luck. 

Take care,

RKO


----------



## TCUBOB (Aug 13, 2008)

Dear People Who Live in the MD/DC/VA area:

Why are people such assholes? Why do I constantly see people whack doors, carts, etc. into cars and not even give a second glaces? Why do you assume that you are better than everyone else and, as such, you can totally ding up the sides of my car and just walk away? It is because we live in a region that has more than its share of overerprivileged stuck-up pretentious assholes? Or is it whatever it is that they're putting in the water now to replace all the lead that they used to add (well, at least in DC)?

I'm going with the former since it's been going on for a while. And you people out there who hit cars and don't leave a note or wait? I'm looking for you....I've turned in three of you assholes, and I'm just waiting to be able to add another notch in my belt.

Sincerely,

Bob



BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear person who hit my beautiful newish-to-me car and left it scarred and disfigured, and then fled the scene,
> 
> Fucking die. No, death would be too good for you. I wish you a life where someone else shits all over you and takes no responsibility. I do not have $1000 lying around to fix my car. Half of that was my bash money, and now I more than likely won't be able to afford to go, and will STILL have to put myself $500 in debt to fix it. It will take me MONTHS to pay off what it took YOU thirty seconds to do. How is that fucking fair?
> 
> ...


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 13, 2008)

Dear incredibly whiny dude, 







Take a step back and stop your bitching and begin to fill in the hole you dug for yourself elsewhere.

For seriously,

well, my sig.


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (Aug 13, 2008)

Dear CleverBomb,

Thanks a lot! Thanks to you I have now had the song "I'm All Out of Love" by Air Supply stuck in my head for (and I just checked the date) 8 LONG, PAINFUL DAYS now.  Did I mention how much I HATE that song? I tried putting the Monkees lyrics in that thread to get it out of my head, no luck. I even went to my usual go to, playing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on a loop( the song that knocks all others out of my head), no dice. In retrospect, I am very glad I voted that you should pay for your insolence. This is not over, buddy, not by a long shot.


Dr. P

p.s. Sorry to chastise you publicly, but someone had to do it. Again.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 13, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> Dear CleverBomb,
> 
> Thanks a lot! Thanks to you I have now had the song "I'm All Out of Love" by Air Supply stuck in my head for (and I just checked the date) 8 LONG, PAINFUL DAYS now.  Did I mention how much I HATE that song? I tried putting the Monkees lyrics in that thread to get it out of my head, no luck. I even went to my usual go to, playing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on a loop( the song that knocks all others out of my head), no dice. In retrospect, I am very glad I voted that you should pay for your insolence. This is not over, buddy, not by a long shot.
> 
> ...




Try this one.........if Amy Lee's beautiful voice and this song can't knock it out of your head...then you are beyond help 


**Don't you just dig the black fairy/broken angel wings in the junk yard?


----------



## LoveBHMS (Aug 13, 2008)

TCUBOB said:


> Dear People Who Live in the MD/DC/VA area:
> 
> Why are people such assholes? Why do I constantly see people whack doors, carts, etc. into cars and not even give a second glaces? Why do you assume that you are better than everyone else and, as such, you can totally ding up the sides of my car and just walk away? It is because we live in a region that has more than its share of overerprivileged stuck-up pretentious assholes? Or is it whatever it is that they're putting in the water now to replace all the lead that they used to add (well, at least in DC)?
> 
> ...



Dear Bob:

Please get rid of the angry mindset before Friday.

The gang at the target range frowns on anyone coming in like that.

L.

P.S. I'm psyched for an afternoon of shooting guns!


----------



## CleverBomb (Aug 13, 2008)

Dr. P Marshall said:


> Dear CleverBomb,
> 
> Thanks a lot! Thanks to you I have now had the song "I'm All Out of Love" by Air Supply stuck in my head for (and I just checked the date) 8 LONG, PAINFUL DAYS now.  Did I mention how much I HATE that song? I tried putting the Monkees lyrics in that thread to get it out of my head, no luck. I even went to my usual go to, playing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on a loop( the song that knocks all others out of my head), no dice. In retrospect, I am very glad I voted that you should pay for your insolence. This is not over, buddy, not by a long shot.
> 
> ...


DPM;

Oh dear.
This is an extreme case.

You may need to resort to some Techno or Electro.

If that fails, it may be necessary to open the vault and break out the truly dangerous remedies (no links, I don't want to unleash these on the community if it can be avoided):
Bannanaphone
BadgerBadgerBadger
and (Only in) Kenya

Good luck. We're all counting on you.

-Rusty


----------



## CleverBomb (Aug 13, 2008)

Good luck.
We're all counting on you.

-Rusty


----------



## Famouslastwords (Aug 13, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> DPM;
> 
> Oh dear.
> This is an extreme case.
> ...



MUSHROOM MUSHROOM!


----------



## TCUBOB (Aug 13, 2008)

Dear Love:

Don't worry, sweet pea. I'm cool like the other side of the pillow. It's only the random acts of bad manners/property destruction/ignorance about the basics our form/style/etc. of government that REALLY get my knickers in a twist. So unless as we get to the range, some asshole opens his door hard into my car, ignores it and my "Hey, buddy, what was that" like I'm not there and then mistakes his US Representative for his state senator or has a fundamentally ignorant moment like bitching to his/her US Representative about starting to stall Bush Federal judicial appointees or unstalling Bush Federal judicial appointees, I oughta be ok.

I love the smell of napalm (and pork products!) in the morning,

Bob



LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Bob:
> 
> Please get rid of the angry mindset before Friday.
> 
> ...


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 13, 2008)

Dear Rebecca-

I'd like to pass this hug to you. *hug* Please accept.

Thanks,

~T1BG~




Dear Produce-

Will you please learn to can yourself? Thanks forever! ~T1BG~


----------



## Sugar (Aug 13, 2008)

Dear Week & 1/2 Off Work,

Oh my good gravy it's been wonderful. I can't believe I 2.5 more of you to come! 

Sincerely in love,
Sarah

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Pete Palumbo,

Thanks so much for having such a wonderful farm where I can buy so many great things for putting up. The "Big Jim" peppers that you roasted for me have proved to be fantastic. Tomorrow we'll tackle the corn and the red bells, then friday...pickle city bitches! 

Next week...fruit. We've got a date Pete, don't forget it. :wubu:

Cordially,
Country Girl Livin' The Dream

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Denver Mattress,

You rock. The bed rocks. The price rocked. 

Thanks!
Not so sleepy Sarah

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear BF,

Stop expecting me to be girly. Please? I'm not going to magically become sensitive, really really. We established long ago I like beer, football and cooking. I don't like talking all the time, tea cozies and crying. Please work with me here and in return you'll have a really kick ass GF. 

Love always, 
Sarah


----------



## CleverBomb (Aug 13, 2008)

Famouslastwords said:


> MUSHROOM MUSHROOM!


All;

And there is one I'm keeping in last-ditch reserve. 
This one is so horrific, so infectious, that the cure is truly worse than the disease.
It involves... a cat.

Pray we never have to go there.
I don't know how to get rid of _that_ one.

-Rusty


----------



## Famouslastwords (Aug 13, 2008)

Everyone loves Magical Trevor the tricks that he does are ever so clever, look at him now disappearing a cow, where is the cow, hidden right now. Taking a bow is Magical Trevor......oh I can't bear it anymore. You forgot that one!




CleverBomb said:


> All;
> 
> And there is one I'm keeping in last-ditch reserve.
> This one is so horrific, so infectious, that the cure is truly worse than the disease.
> ...


----------



## CleverBomb (Aug 13, 2008)

Famouslastwords said:


> Everyone loves Magical Trevor the tricks that he does are ever so clever, look at him now disappearing a cow, where is the cow, hidden right now. Taking a bow is Magical Trevor......oh I can't bear it anymore. You forgot that one!


FLW;

I am relieved I do not know that one.

Nonetheless, the cat one is worse. Trust me.

-Rusty


----------



## mszwebs (Aug 13, 2008)

J~,

Here we are...16 days out from the *deadline* and the Brewers are ahead of the Mets.

Just like I said they would be.

Since you have not talked to me in anything resembling a conversation since Memorial Day, you may think that when we kick your ass, you will be off the hook.

You are mistaken...lol.

2 drinks which I have already won and dinner, I believe was the bet?


I will be more than happy to accept a gift card to the resturant of my choice, circumstances being what they are.

Feel free to contact me, even though you wont.

~J
(*U^)


----------



## furious styles (Aug 14, 2008)

Famouslastwords said:


> Everyone loves Magical Trevor the tricks that he does are ever so clever, look at him now disappearing a cow, where is the cow, hidden right now. Taking a bow is Magical Trevor......oh I can't bear it anymore. You forgot that one!



he's baaaaaack and he's got a new trick, magical trevor is ten times as slick as the last time, the last time you saw(r) him, now you can see why we really adore him - _you might thiiiiink his new trick is siiiiiick : saw(r)ing a pigeon in half with a stiiiiick_, look at the pigeon, now it's in two- oh my it's rear end is having a poo .. look at the messsssssss ... in isle two .. isle two .. that's the place where they sell the raguuuuu .. so much ra-


----------



## Famouslastwords (Aug 14, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> he's baaaaaack and he's got a new trick, magical trevor is ten times as slick as the last time, the last time you saw(r) him, now you can see why we really adore him - _you might thiiiiink his new trick is siiiiiick : saw(r)ing a pigeon in half with a stiiiiick_, look at the pigeon, now it's in two- oh my it's rear end is having a poo .. look at the messsssssss ... in isle two .. isle two .. that's the place where they sell the raguuuuu .. so much ra-



lol! Oh yeah. Magical Trevor is DA MAN.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 14, 2008)

Dear people who could care less, 







Next time we learn the difference between loose & lose. 

Smugaliciously,

BGB


----------



## sunnie1653 (Aug 14, 2008)

Dear Asshole Boss,

I don't know what kind of world YOU live in .. but after 2 years of busting my ass, making your business run smoothly, and collecting over $20,000 in old debt that my predecessor sat on for two years... you give me a raise. Finally! You tell me yesterday "Oh, I made your raise effective this paycheck." Great! I look at my paystub later that day ... you gave me $0.25 AN HOUR?!?! 

Thank you for being oh-so generous with your money.. and for showing me the appreciation that you obviously hold for my efforts.

Attached to my time card next week WILL be my two week notice of resignation. A quarter an hour is just disrefuckingspectful, you piece of shit.

Melina


----------



## bexy (Aug 14, 2008)

Dear Me

Remember not to drink with work colleagues ever again....facing them the next day when last night you showed them your boobs and exclaimed "LIKE, IM SORRY BUT I LOVE MY BOOBS" is not an easy thing to do....


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 14, 2008)

Dear K

Thanks for a wonderful night, I hope you're not as stressed as you were before. I really had a good time myself *hugs* you're awesome

-Kevin


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Aug 14, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> Dear Me
> 
> Remember not to drink with work colleagues ever again....facing them the next day when last night you showed them your boobs and exclaimed "LIKE, IM SORRY BUT I LOVE MY BOOBS" is not an easy thing to do....


 
Two things:

1) I don't know if you wear low-cut shirts or revealing/form-fitting clothes to work, but if you do think of it as sort of a sort of 'teaser trailer' preview to your opening night.

2) Don't you work in an adult store? One would think employees of said places become inured to all the nudity and prOn around them. Although I am sure your chest is Speck-Tack-U-Larr, it's not like they haven't seen boobs before. If anything they should feel special, because now it's a bit more personal. Plus, naked breasts attached to a cute lady are never a bad thing.

OK #3: Don't drink around colleagues


----------



## Suze (Aug 14, 2008)

dear luck

ROFLMFAO


-me.


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 14, 2008)

Dear MAD Magazine....why...just why did you out Obama on the cover instead of the Olympics?

You can put Obama on the cover any month of the year but the Olympics are once every 4....oh well.

-Hayes


----------



## Shala (Aug 14, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear people who could care less,
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Dear BGB,

I officially love you.

Shala


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (Aug 14, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> Bannanaphone
> BadgerBadgerBadger
> and (Only in) Kenya
> 
> ...



Dear Cleverbomb,

Whoa! This was pretty reckless as solutions go. At least you showed SOME restraint by not posting the links directly. I must confess, (Only in) Kenya did work for three vaguely irritating hours, but as I was laying my head on my pillow last night, ready to dream of animated lions, BAM! Air Supply was back. I also tried the other suggestions in this thread. (Thanks guys and gals.) They all failed. Air Supply is truly unstoppable. I hope in the future you will be more careful before assaulting our eyes, ears and minds.

Dr. P

p.s. I am off to try my absolute last resort. You better hope it works.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Aug 14, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> All;
> 
> And there is one I'm keeping in last-ditch reserve.
> This one is so horrific, so infectious, that the cure is truly worse than the disease.
> ...


You forgot about "MANGO MANGO MANGO..."


----------



## Famouslastwords (Aug 14, 2008)

For those who are reading and had no idea what we were talking about.

Kenya

Magical Trevor

Magical Trevor 2

BadgerBadgerBadger A snake a snake oh it's a snake!

Bananaphone

This video shows how very maddening bananaphone is.


Well Sarah if none of these are working for you how about:

bangbangbang


----------



## Famouslastwords (Aug 14, 2008)

Dear Mfdoom,
Well dammit all, I got Magical Trevor 2 stuck in my head. /cry
You'll pay for this.

Seriously,
FLW


----------



## JiminOR (Aug 14, 2008)

Here's another one for ya Dr. P, hopefully this one will get rid of Air Supply

http://www.myspace.com/ypsilantiallstars


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Aug 14, 2008)

Mango. It's got pirates.

Scampi. My absolute favorite one, if for no other reason that the Bizarre-As-Fuck M. Bison caricature.


----------



## bexy (Aug 15, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Two things:
> 
> 1) I don't know if you wear low-cut shirts or revealing/form-fitting clothes to work, but if you do think of it as sort of a sort of 'teaser trailer' preview to your opening night.
> 
> ...



1-Of course I wear low cut shirts, it makes people buy more

2-I will tell them they should feel special

3-But yes, still never drinking with them again


----------



## Ben from England (Aug 15, 2008)

Dear Mum's push bike,

Look. I know we don't like each other, and I know we're not made for each other. You being too small and purple, and me bumping you're front wheel on curbs too much. But seriously, if your fucking peddle falls off when I am EXACTLY half way toward wherever I'm going (just far enough for me to throw a hissy fit, then resignedly push you're broken down self wherever I'm headed) just ONE more time, I'm turning you into a lamp. No arguments. I'm not asking you to change. Small and purple is fine, it's your gears and chain that counts, and I'm not embarrassed to be seen with you in public, we go out together all the time... but seriously. One more time and it's over. I want to make this work.

Ben


----------



## Red (Aug 15, 2008)

Ben from England said:


> Dear Mum's push bike,
> 
> Look. I know we don't like each other, and I know we're not made for each other. You being too small and purple, and me bumping you're front wheel on curbs too much. But seriously, if your fucking peddle falls off when I am EXACTLY half way toward wherever I'm going (just far enough for me to throw a hissy fit, then resignedly push you're broken down self wherever I'm headed) just ONE more time, I'm turning you into a lamp. No arguments. I'm not asking you to change. Small and purple is fine, it's your gears and chain that counts, and I'm not embarrassed to be seen with you in public, we go out together all the time... but seriously. One more time and it's over. I want to make this work.
> 
> Ben



I don't want it to work. I want that small purple bike lamp for christmas please.


----------



## Renaissance Woman (Aug 15, 2008)

Dear people of Homer, AK:

Please come to the estate sale and buy stuff. Lots of it. I know it's rainy and miserable, but we've got a tarp up, and you guys should be used to this kind of weather by now. 

We've held on to this stuff for 3 years. It's time for it to go. Not to mention having to put it all out and back into storage every day is getting really old really fast. You buy it, we don't have to deal with it. Everybody wins! 

Signed,
Daughter of Late Mother Who Never Threw Anything Away

****************

Dear Back,

I'm sorry I've abused you, and I'll remember to use my knees to lift stuff. Sorry about that.

-Me

*****************

Dear Immune System,

I know I'm stressed out, but now is NOT the time for a chest cold. Please fight off the bad bugs, 'cause being sick for the next two days while we're trying to have the estate sale and sell stuff isn't good.

-Me


----------



## CausticSodaPop (Aug 15, 2008)

Dear Sister-in-Law, 

When you told me what you had named your child, I thought you were joking. In ten years time, said child will wish you had been.

Yours,
Richard


----------



## Famouslastwords (Aug 16, 2008)

What'd she name it?


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 16, 2008)

Dear you,

It's getting really fucking old. You think I'm joking when I tell you...no matter how serious I act. Well, I'm far from joking.


Seriously,
me


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Aug 16, 2008)

Dear Buyers Real Estate Market -

Can you PUH-LEEZE flip? I am getting VERY impatient!!!!

Please please PLEASE????

Thank you.

One very impatient wannabe seller.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 16, 2008)

Famouslastwords said:


> What'd she name it?



That's what I want to know......



CAMellie said:


> Dear you,
> 
> It's getting really fucking old. You think I'm joking when I tell you...no matter how serious I act. Well, I'm far from joking.
> 
> ...




Wha??? Jeez, sorry......... OKAY if you don't like my big.........tweezers anymore.......  :blush:


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 16, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Wha??? Jeez, sorry......... OKAY if you don't like my big.........tweezers anymore.......  :blush:



Dork! I love your big...long...hard..................tweezers! :wubu:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 16, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dork! I love your big...long...hard..................tweezers! :wubu:



They are long......and hard........right now........  


heheheheheheheheheheehe


----------



## washburn (Aug 17, 2008)

Dear whoever,

Thanks for coming in first thing in the morning last week, while I was in the bathroom, and opening up six of my freshly made sushi packs just to grab more soy sauce for the one you bought. could you not fucking see the huge pile of free extra soy sauce to the right of my cold case? I had to throw out 36$ in product because I don't know where your filthy hands have been, if your that inattentive and stupid, they have probably been in places I could not imagine. Asshole, if I would have seen you I would have made you either pay for what you contaminated or be thrown out of the store. Fuck you!


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 18, 2008)

washburn said:


> Dear whoever,
> 
> Thanks for coming in first thing in the morning last week, while I was in the bathroom, and opening up six of my freshly made sushi packs just to grab more soy sauce for the one you bought. could you not fucking see the huge pile of free extra soy sauce to the right of my cold case? I had to throw out 36$ in product because I don't know where your filthy hands have been, if your that inattentive and stupid, they have probably been in places I could not imagine. Asshole, if I would have seen you I would have made you either pay for what you contaminated or be thrown out of the store. Fuck you!




OUCH, I'm sorry about that. (It wasn't me- but I really do understand the fucktards that do things like that).


----------



## furious styles (Aug 18, 2008)

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear Mfdoom,
> Well dammit all, I got Magical Trevor 2 stuck in my head. /cry
> You'll pay for this.
> 
> ...



dear flw, 

please accept a very belated BUAHAHAHAHA

salutations,
evilmfdoom


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 18, 2008)

Dearest moi,

You CAN do this! You're a very intelligent person. I believe in you. Go get 'em, tiger!


All my love,
Me


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 18, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dearest moi,
> You CAN do this! You're a very intelligent person. I believe in you. Go get 'em, tiger!
> All my love,
> Me



Dear Camellie,

YES YOU CAN!!!!!!

Good luck, remember your deodorant, and a bar of chocolate! (Ice Cream is harder to sneak when you feel nervous) hehehehehe

Big Hugs and best wishes
~T1BG~


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 18, 2008)

Dear hide-and-seek playing kittycat,

When I realized I hadn't seen you for a few hours, and you weren't in any of your usual hiding places, I pulled out your favorite toy and jingled it. You always come running. Not this time. This is the first time ever in your life you have not knocked down anything in your way to go get to it.

Considering you got yourself locked in the pantry for six hours yesterday, I was a little worried something had happened to you. When I REALLY couldn't find you, I got VERY worried. I looked outside in case you'd snuck past me when I came in earlier (though I figured you'd be long gone if you HAD gotten outside), I ran some water (you always come running to that, too), I stopped the dryer (my heart stopped along with it) to make sure you hadn't snuck in there when I was putting clothes in, I stopped the washer and ran my arm through the sudsy water to make sure I hadn't inadvertently sent you to a watery grave. With tears in my eyes, I called you again and again.

I searched for you for twenty-five minutes of my hour-long lunch break. 

I finally had to concede and go back to work, because you had to be SOMEWHERE in the house - and then two minutes later you come sauntering on out like nothing's happened.

I don't know whether to pick you up and love you for hours, or throttle you.

Love,

Your nerve-wracked owner.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Aug 18, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear hide-and-seek playing kittycat,
> 
> When I realized I hadn't seen you for a few hours, and you weren't in any of your usual hiding places, I pulled out your favorite toy and jingled it. You always come running. Not this time. This is the first time ever in your life you have not knocked down anything in your way to go get to it.
> 
> ...



Ahh, to be a cat. I sometimes wish I had an ounce of their "nerve".


----------



## sugar and spice (Aug 18, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear hide-and-seek playing kittycat,
> 
> When I realized I hadn't seen you for a few hours, and you weren't in any of your usual hiding places, I pulled out your favorite toy and jingled it. You always come running. Not this time. This is the first time ever in your life you have not knocked down anything in your way to go get to it.
> 
> ...



Ugh! I would have been scared too, I'm glad you kitty is alright.


----------



## chubby_austrian_gal (Aug 18, 2008)

ok, i'll try to translate my original letter (which is in german). it won't be as beautiful as it is in german, so please correct my mistakes!

my beloved friend,
it's really difficult to settle my thoughts and feelings to make you understand my current mood. but i'll try, cause it is really important for me to tell you about my world, which may be just a small one, compared with yours, but which is still a place of magic with all its little miracles, maybe just because of it's pure and beautiful simplicity.
at this very moment a wonderful summerday, soaked with thousands of sunbeams, finds it's almost poetic and peaceful end. The grain sways softly in the wind, almost relieved to feel a cool breeze.
My gaze starts wandering to absorb all the small details in their whole intensity and glory. Trees and vineyards, bathed in the golden sunlight, almost as if someone had spilled paint all over them and now, very slowly, mixes it with soft red paint to let the sun solemnly disappear in an ocean of luscious color. This all happens accompanied by a silence, which you can almost see. There's a silence you can hear, too. It's filled with the noises of a dying day, a harvester reaping the last field, the sparrows on the roofs and the cool soft evening breeze. Yes, my friend, that is silence, too.
You can taste the summer as well. It's this certain warmth you can feel on your tongue when you bite in a sweet pepper which you've just picked from a bush and which is still warm from the hot sun!
I long to share those enchanting moments with you, the whole day with it's wonderfully unhasty moments, because it's you who makes me sense all those wonderful things even a tad more intensely.
i will preserve all those feelings and pictures for those cold and dark winterdays, when there is almost no hope and you think there will never be a ray of sunlight again. then i will try to imagine all those wonderful things and this special warmth, though when spring comes again i will be almost speechless because of all those colors and smells and the warmth you can try to imagine but which you just have to feel, to see and to experience!
it's the same thing with the moments we share. They are so precious, unique and rare that i try to store them in my heart just to relive them again. and then, when we meet again it's just so much more beautiful than those memories!
now i send you a tender kiss and a smile, which has appeared on my lips just through a simple thought of you.
bye.
i love you.


----------



## ashmamma84 (Aug 18, 2008)

Dear torn MCL,

please heal. Soon.

Lovingly,
Me


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 18, 2008)

Dear Me,
I am SO proud of the way you knocked the English section out of the park...but you CHOKED on the Math! WHAT....THE....FUCK?!?!?!


Sad,
Melanie


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 18, 2008)

Look at it this way, Mellie - if the math class is too easy for you, they'll either move you to a higher class, or you'll have an easy A.  Great job on doing this for yourself - we're all proud!


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 18, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Look at it this way, Mellie - if the math class is too easy for you, they'll either move you to a higher class, or you'll have an easy A.  Great job on doing this for yourself - we're all proud!



I love you! :wubu::kiss2:


----------



## Donna (Aug 18, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear hide-and-seek playing kittycat,
> 
> When I realized I hadn't seen you for a few hours, and you weren't in any of your usual hiding places, I pulled out your favorite toy and jingled it. You always come running. Not this time. This is the first time ever in your life you have not knocked down anything in your way to go get to it.
> 
> ...



Dearest Nerve-Wracked Owner;

It's called the "cat zone." 

As far as throttling or loving me, I vote for option three---feed me tuna and gimme nip in large quantities. Stat, please (see, I said please!)

With much affection four opposable thumbs, 
Hide-and-seek kitty cat.


----------



## LisaInNC (Aug 18, 2008)

Dear Mrs Ballard (you old fucking bitch),
First I would like to start this letter by saying, I have never disliked one person more than I do you. You are evil and will rot in comma hell. 
When a person takes an online class, it generally means they dont have TIME to commute to the actual class. To schedule a test every week in person really defeats the whole online purpose. 
I heard from one of the students who took your class in person that you told them you deliberately make the online classes hell just because you hate teaching it. Well newsflash you dirty whore, the online class hates that you teach it. 
Oh yeah and to demand that all work be FAXED to you instead of emailed like a normal person tells me that cock eludes you and thats why you are such a miserable, evil woman. I hope your tits shrivel up and fall off. 

Love, Lisa


----------



## pdgujer148 (Aug 19, 2008)

Dear Hyde Park:

People say stupid things that really make me mad. I write equally angry replies, but I almost post them because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Am I a wimp or a Midwesterner?

Think I'll hang out in The Lounge for awhile.

Best,

P


----------



## olwen (Aug 19, 2008)

Dear Lisa, 

Better revenge can be had on ratemyprofessor.com. It's there for all the world to see and people will know to stay away from her online classes.

cheers, 
olwen


----------



## LisaInNC (Aug 19, 2008)

olwen said:


> Dear Lisa,
> 
> Better revenge can be had on ratemyprofessor.com. It's there for all the world to see and people will know to stay away from her online classes.
> 
> ...



Great idea Olwen!! I will post on there as soon as I pass her class. (yes I fear she reads it and satan, her evil sidekick will tell her its me).
Thanks!!


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 19, 2008)

Dear James


For the ninth time, Christian Cage WASN'T fired by WWE. He asked for his release because he knew he was never getting a push, not because they lowballed him with a bad contract. In fact he would have been making a lot more being stuck in the midcard in WWE than being the NWA Heavyweight Champion. Hope this sets it straight AGAIN!


-K


----------



## Sugar (Aug 19, 2008)

Dear PT,

Thanks for being cost effective. I was really worried I was going to have to pay for 2 months of COBRA, but now you've saved the day and the $$ I would have spent on COBRA I can just spend on you. 

Cheers to better joints and less pain,
Sarah

~~~~~~~

Dear Love of my life,

Thanks. I don't deserve you and only hope I can give you what you've given me. 

:wubu:
Cocada

~~~~~~~

Dear Chat,

Thanks for giving me company and making me laugh when I really needed both.

Love, 
Sugar


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Aug 19, 2008)

olwen said:


> Dear Lisa,
> 
> Better revenge can be had on ratemyprofessor.com. It's there for all the world to see and people will know to stay away from her online classes.
> 
> ...




Thanks for the tip, O! I had a Math prep prof who ROCKED!!!


----------



## Suze (Aug 19, 2008)

dear kids
thanks for making me less afraid of...um...kids. 

- I
:happy:


----------



## The Fez (Aug 19, 2008)

Dear M,

though it seemed like an awesome idea at the time, staying up all night playing Grid, MGS4 and crash bandicoot was not the best of our plans


----------



## olwen (Aug 19, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> Thanks for the tip, O! I had a Math prep prof who ROCKED!!!



Dear TJC

:happy: I had a profesor who rocked too. My favorite. The other kids hated him tho cause he actually expected them to do work. Plus he was teaching music in a business school. A lot of the business students didn't see the point of liberal arts classes at a business school, so they complained a lot. Anyhow, he got a change to respond in the professors strike back section of the site. I loved his responses and thought they were funny as hell.

best,
Olwen


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 20, 2008)

Dear Kane,

You were so cool and nice, thanks for the photo but R* forgot to hit the damn save button on our pic so of course HE has pics with you and Mr. F but I do not. Anyway, you were nice and I wish I could have said more but at the time I was flustered and had no clue really what was going on.

~M


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Aug 20, 2008)

Dear Coffee -

I love you, why do you hurt me so?? 

Me


----------



## mimosa (Aug 20, 2008)

Dear F


My heart hurts. 





Mims


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 20, 2008)

Dear woman in cafeteria line, 

So, I hear you're on a diet. You know how I know you're on a diet? Because you said it 8 times while standing there debating on whether or not to get potatoes with your FRIED CHICKEN. 

GET YOUR POTATOES OR GET OUT OF LINE. 

You're not even fat. Seriously, I've ogled rolls that were bigger than you today. Is there some kind of magical diet thing going on that if you proclaim that you're on a diet as often as possible that you'll somehow lose weight faster? 

I'm not sure how to react to this. Is this one of those things where if you say I'm on a diet than you'll expect a treat? So, if I pull one out you can deny yourself said treat because YOU ARE ON A DIET THUS CREATING ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO ADVERTISE STATE OF DIETNESS AGAIN?!

Overly enraged at work, 

Justin


----------



## LillyBBBW (Aug 20, 2008)

Dear Allston, MA

((((Allston))))) I love you so much. :wubu: I never realized how much I missed you since I moved away. I was thrilled to see you once again yesterday. You are just as funky cool as I remember only better. Makes me want to move back. *sigh*  

I promise to visit more often.

Love,
'winzee


----------



## A Bolder Boulder FA (Aug 20, 2008)

Dear Soul,

Could you stomach the taint of working for an oil and gas company for a 50% increase in salary to almost 50k a year? This is important, please call me back ASAP. 

Dear Cardo/Newegg,

Thanks for making an awesome Bluetooth headset that works with my PS3 and my phone. Also, thanks for getting it to me quickly and not damaged.


----------



## Surlysomething (Aug 20, 2008)

Dear Me

What's up with the sudden almost obsessive love and NEED for pancakes? Mmmm...syrup.

:blush:


Dear rain, go away and come again another day.


Dear energy level
Get
With
The 
Program


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 20, 2008)

Dear Doc

Thanks for all your help, really showed me the light on a few things. I do need a vacation and I think I'll take one at the end of the month. Most of all THANK GOODNESS you didn't put me on any meds.

-K


----------



## SMA413 (Aug 20, 2008)

Dear Israel-
Thanks for an *amazing *2 weeks. I'm seriously considering coming back for an internship. I want to go back ASAP. 
-Samantha

-----

Dear Will-
Thanks for coming to see me in New York.  It was freakin phenomenal... the Chinese food wasn't great, but the company was delicious. :wubu: 

-Samantha

-----

Dear room-
Why can't I be like Mary Poppins and just snap my fingers to make everything put itself away. I'll even sing if you want. Please??? 

-Sam

-----

Dear _____
For the first time in a year, you did not cross my mind *once* over the last 2 weeks. I feel like that's a definite improvement.

- Samantha

-----

Dear single-hood.
Happy belated one year anniversary! 
- Single as a Slice of Cheese Samantha


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 20, 2008)

Dear Guidance Counselor,

Thanks SO much for your patience, kindness, and answers. You rock!

New/Old Student


Dear Lady In The Business Lab,

Your advice was invaluable. Imagine both of us having the exact same goals.

Feeling Groovy Now,
The Lady With All The Hair


Dear Financial Aid Lady,

You were rude and unhelpful. YOU SUCK!

Pissed Off Fat Lady That Left In A Huff


Dear textbooks,

WHY....WHYWHYWHYWHY must you cost so very much???? I know I should have applied for aid sooner, but give me a break. PLEASE?!?!?!


Broke as a joke,
Melanie


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Aug 20, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear textbooks,
> 
> WHY....WHYWHYWHYWHY must you cost so very much???? I know I should have applied for aid sooner, but give me a break. PLEASE?!?!?!
> 
> ...



Dear Mellie,

Find out what books you need and how much they cost new and used at the campus bookstore. You can usually do this online. Then take the ISBN (or title + author + year published) and go to bestbookbuys dot com. This site will scour the internet for prices on the books you need. A lot of times you can find it cheaper even after shipping.

It takes time, but if you get some cheaper it's worth it.

A former broke college student,
Shannon


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 20, 2008)

cute_obese_girl said:


> Dear Mellie,
> 
> Find out what books you need and how much they cost new and used at the campus bookstore. You can usually do this online. Then take the ISBN (or title + author + year published) and go to bestbookbuys dot com. This site will scour the internet for prices on the books you need. A lot of times you can find it cheaper even after shipping.
> 
> ...




Thank you SO much! :happy:


----------



## mimosa (Aug 20, 2008)

Sabes que, F

I can't figure you out. Your actions show me something different from your words. So far...you have shown me goodness, humor, kindness and thoughtfulness. Its wonderful to know you're my special friend. I really missed talking to you. I hope we'll talk again tomorrow. 


Mims:bow:


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Aug 21, 2008)

Dear pedestrians,

Why do you always have to knock my f-ing side view mirror out of place? It's not like I'm parked on the sidewalk. Do you just accidentally fall into my car every freaking week or is it just for shits and giggles?

Sincerely,
Angry driver



Dear me,

Why haven't you learned to check your mirrors before you take off? You're just begging to get in an accident. Get with the program already!

Thanks,
Me


----------



## The Fez (Aug 21, 2008)

Dear Gordon Brown,

try smiling once in a while; you're portraying a pretty neg image of brits being all stiff-upper-lip like

Sincerely, Tom

...p.s. you suck


----------



## Ben from England (Aug 21, 2008)

Dear Mum's purple bike,

I wish I'd never brought that lock. Even more I wish I'd never lost the key. I hoped it would bring us closer together, but now you've left me for Fratton train station's fence. I'm not letting you go easily, though. I will be there tomorrow, lump hammer in hand, and I will break that lock or be arrested trying. And if I am... wait for me. I still hold out hope that we can be happy together one day. 

Ben
x


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Aug 21, 2008)

To the renters next door:

If you morons don't start paying attention to that little fugly rug rat you call a dog or stop leaving him outside for hours at a time alone so all he does is YIP YIP YIP YIP YIP YIP ALL FREAKIN' DAY OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW....we are going to see WHO will be getting a visit from Animal Control.

Their fine scale is NOT cheap.

BTW - can you please MOVE OUT?

Thankyouverymuch,

Your unhappy home OWNERS next door.


----------



## Pixelpops (Aug 21, 2008)

Dear forums..

Please stop distracting me from my essay.. It's due in tomorrow and I'm just not strong enough to ignore you.

Or at least break the internets for an hour or two... You know I'll be right back when it's done. I just don't have any concentration >_<

xx



Dear Essay,

hurry up and be 1000 words already, I've been working for an hour and you're only at 250, how is this possible?!!?

xxx


----------



## out.of.habit (Aug 21, 2008)

Pixelpops said:


> Dear forums..
> 
> Please stop distracting me from my essay.. It's due in tomorrow and I'm just not strong enough to ignore you.
> 
> ...




Dear Pixelpops,

Does it help that the forums are slower on weekdays? No? Me neither.

What's the essay on? Think two pages, single-spaced, and stop checking the word count! you'll drive yourself crazy! 

Wishes of Essays That Write Themselves, 

Ooh


----------



## Pixelpops (Aug 21, 2008)

out.of.habit said:


> Dear Pixelpops,
> 
> Does it help that the forums are slower on weekdays? No? Me neither.
> 
> ...



Thank you ^_^ Luckily, the essay is now complete.

I agree with the word count sentiment though. I kept checking it and I felt like it was never changing.. I've learnt my lesson now though. *nods*

Dear Me,

Well done!

xx


----------



## vardon_grip (Aug 21, 2008)

dear sdx900 and starfire receiver

work, damn you! hannah montana and i need your cooperation.


signed,
monkeypushbutton


----------



## SMA413 (Aug 21, 2008)

Dear snickerdoodles-
Thanks for coming out perfectly- not too overdone, not too underdone. :eat2:
- Betty Crocker


----------



## washburn (Aug 21, 2008)

Dear love of my life,

Two more hours to go
Till I can hold you so
Some people say I've lost my wit
But they don't know the half of it
Our lives ran parallel
Both have walked through hell
Our like minds have met
Upon more than one set
I know we were fated
Long before situations complicated
That have brought each others eye
Below the one moon, one sky....


:kiss2:I LOVE YOU:wubu::wubu::wubu:UOY EVOL I:kiss2: 

View attachment 060214_animal_love.jpg


----------



## CausticSodaPop (Aug 21, 2008)

Dear National Express Coach Company, 

One of the drivers you have on the 440 route could do with being reminded that he's driving a bus... not a go-kart. 

Yours, 
Mr. Justifyably Nervous Passenger


----------



## olwen (Aug 21, 2008)

Dear Debit Card number stealer, 

FUCK YOU! I don't care if the charge was "only" $15. You go to NYU, I'm assuming mommy and daddy can stand you $20. If you're there on a scholarship, then I'm guessing you cheated your way thru since you see no problem with stealing my card number. YOU'RE A JERK! Go get a job. Don't steal my hard earned dollars to buy whatever it is you bought from the NYU campus. How do you know I had enough in my account to cover your stupid charge - oh wait you didn't know and didn't care. YOU SUCK! I hope you get a really expensive TV one day and it breaks before you get to watch it. I hope you flunk out of NYU you looser.

Signed,

Terribly inconvenienced working stiff


----------



## KendraLee (Aug 22, 2008)

Dear ex who plays with womens hearts because its a game that boosts your already over inflated ego,
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont call me anymore. The late night I'm drunk and I'm going through my phone to see who I haven't hooked up with in a while calls have got to stop. I'm not a toy you can play with and discard at your convenience. I'm stronger now and I cannot be coerced into believing the shit you dish out. You've put me down and made me feel like I wasnt good enough but I know I'm better and deserve so much more than what you'll ever be. I don't know how you can continue to be in so much denial about the mess you've made of your life. Your lack of character and decency will continue to haunt you. You can belittle me for calling it Karma but it wont change the fact that you've pretty much fucked your life up all on your own and the fact that you cant see it is mind boggling to me. How many dui's or bar brawls and being arrested for public drunkenness does a person have to get in order for them to realize that they might have some serious issues. And now you've screwed up school! Well thats just too bad! 
You've said I'm not good enough for you but the truth is BABY, You're not good enough for me!
Sincerely, The best thing you ever could have had


----------



## supersoup (Aug 22, 2008)

dear hot curly haired man on the freecreditreport dot com commercials,

i had our wedding planned. an apartment picked out. then i found out it was all a sham!! you are canadian, don't speak english, and it isn't you singing the songs!!

BAH TO YOU,
amanda


----------



## JoeFA (Aug 22, 2008)

Dear Society

I hate you, and all your doings, especially the fact that your raising student fees. If you can hear me, hear only this. You.... are.... evil! Hitleresque, if you will.

You may think i'm irrational and have strange views, but thats me and everybody 's different.

Sincerly an angry recipient of your evilness


----------



## Duniwin (Aug 22, 2008)

supersoup said:


> dear hot curly haired man on the freecreditreport dot com commercials,
> 
> i had our wedding planned. an apartment picked out. then i found out it was all a sham!! you are canadian, don't speak english, and it isn't you singing the songs!!
> 
> ...



It's not him singing the songs???

To be honest, I can't stand the songs, except the pirate one. That one is amazing, I stop fast forwarding through commercials with TiVo when I see that one.


----------



## supersoup (Aug 22, 2008)

Duniwin said:


> It's not him singing the songs???
> 
> To be honest, I can't stand the songs, except the pirate one. That one is amazing, I stop fast forwarding through commercials with TiVo when I see that one.



him in the used subcompact is my favorite.

*swoon*

i mean, EFF HIM. the poser.


----------



## cold comfort (Aug 22, 2008)

supersoup said:


> him in the used subcompact is my favorite.
> 
> *swoon*
> 
> i mean, EFF HIM. the poser.



when my roommate and i first saw that exact commercial ... we actually, completely, 100% thought it was my one ex on the T.V. -- we were so convinced that i actually had my phone out and was debating a phone call with her pushing me to do so.

but then after the :30 seconds was up we realized we didn't give a damn, it wasn't him (thank you last wide angle from the right) and he was far too much of a douchebag to ever find a reason to vocally converse with ever again. HUZZAH. 

i guess the moral of the story is to just say no to curly haired canadians. sorry to hear about your disappointment, soupsters. what color were the bridesmaid dresses?


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 23, 2008)

Dear Financial Aid,

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Stop fucking with me! This is hard enough as it is, you jackasses.

I hate you! (Until I get approved then I love you)
Melanie


----------



## furious styles (Aug 23, 2008)

supersoup said:


> dear hot curly haired man on the freecreditreport dot com commercials,
> 
> i had our wedding planned. an apartment picked out. then i found out it was all a sham!! you are canadian, don't speak english, and it isn't you singing the songs!!
> 
> ...



for a minute, i thought you were talking about this guy : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEEOpLjvak4

i'm theeenking of a number .. do you know what it is?

bonus - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIIy_CVF7PA


----------



## Santaclear (Aug 23, 2008)

Dear Jackasses,

Stop fucking with me.

Your friend,
Santaclear

Oh and btw, stop fucking with CAMellie too (except for approving her.)


----------



## cold comfort (Aug 23, 2008)

Dear Inner Child:

Remember when your days were filled with this ... i mean -- EXACTLY LIKE THIS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_RRqPO185I&feature=related ?

Yeah, let's do that again please. I want to be seen in green.

And little Austin ... no worries ... I ignored anyone else in the room too when that movie was on. Silly mom. Leave him alone. *The Wiz* is on.

:wubu:

Love, 
"Grown Up" Jen

p.s. - oh hi letters thread, long time no see.


----------



## Santaclear (Aug 23, 2008)

Dear inner children,

Please stop it. 

Thanks,
Russ


----------



## LalaCity (Aug 23, 2008)

supersoup said:


> dear hot curly haired man on the freecreditreport dot com commercials,
> 
> i had our wedding planned. an apartment picked out. then i found out it was all a sham!! you are canadian, don't speak english, and it isn't you singing the songs!!
> 
> ...



Oh God -- I get those freecreditreport jingles stuck in my head -- "so why'm I dressed up like a pirate..." Mother, make it stop!

Least you won't have to live with him in the basement of your mom and dad's (not that you have bad credit, or anything).


----------



## LalaCity (Aug 23, 2008)

"Dear" upstairs neighbors --

Shut. The. FUCK. up. I can't believe you're having some knock-down drag-out scene at 4 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. If I weren't in my rattiest pajamas I would go up there and kick both your asses for the constant -- let's face it -- _neverending_ -- noise pollution you oh-so-inconsiderately generate. 

Early in the morning, assuming you finally behave like civilized people and go the FUCK to sleep, I will be putting my clogs in the dryer, setting it to run (on cool for) at least an hour, and then I will leave the apartment, smiling.

Hope you enjoy the wake-up.


----------



## TCUBOB (Aug 23, 2008)

Wait, what? He's a Frenchie who doesn't speak English and is lip-synching!?!?!

For shame, freecreditreport.com. First, you try to trick the consumer into signing up for your not free service (the real free one, established by law, is annualcreditreport.com) and now THIS.

Good day, sir!

I SAID, GOOD DAY, SIR!



supersoup said:


> dear hot curly haired man on the freecreditreport dot com commercials,
> 
> i had our wedding planned. an apartment picked out. then i found out it was all a sham!! you are canadian, don't speak english, and it isn't you singing the songs!!
> 
> ...


----------



## supersoup (Aug 23, 2008)

dear dimmers,

thanks for all the support. 

tee hee,
soupy


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Aug 23, 2008)

Dear Universe -

Thank you for making my dreams a reality.

Chik


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 23, 2008)

Dear Santa,

Thank you. How're the elves and reindeer?

Hugs and stuff and junk,
Melanie

P.S. Don't forget my pony...kthnxbai


----------



## JoeFA (Aug 23, 2008)

Dear Mother Teresa
Cheers for the good times and all the laughs
Joe


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Aug 23, 2008)

Dear Betty Crocker,

Your cake mix makes the BEST cupcakes!!! Thank you for being so delish!!!

Yummily Yours, Chik :eat2:


----------



## olwen (Aug 23, 2008)

Dear "Sir"

I do know how to quit you. It's easy when you suck!

signed, 

no longer yours


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 23, 2008)

olwen said:


> Dear "Sir"
> 
> I do know how to quit you. It's easy when you suck!
> 
> ...



this read like a letter from Marci to Peppermint Patty


----------



## cold comfort (Aug 23, 2008)

olwen said:


> Dear "Sir"
> 
> I do know how to quit you. It's easy when you suck!
> 
> ...



NEVER AGAIN!

despite the fact that danko jones resembles an odd mix of matt skiba and the dude from fine young cannibals (she drives me crazy oooh ooooh), i feel your situation might warrant a listen to that song. 

YOU MAKE IT EASY BAB-AH. YOU MAKE IT DAAAMN EASY.


----------



## olwen (Aug 23, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> this read like a letter from Marci to Peppermint Patty



LOL, yeah, I could see that.


cold comfort said:


> NEVER AGAIN!
> 
> despite the fact that danko jones resembles an odd mix of matt skiba and the dude from fine young cannibals (she drives me crazy oooh ooooh), i feel your situation might warrant a listen to that song.
> 
> YOU MAKE IT EASY BAB-AH. YOU MAKE IT DAAAMN EASY.



Thanks CC. The song says it well. Tho, we weren't serious to begin with, but that doesn't mean you get to turn off the respect switch, you know.


----------



## Blackjack (Aug 23, 2008)

Dear Luc Besson,

You might not be an amazing director, but the quirks and comedy of your movies always leave me satisfied. And the action in them is friggin' outstanding. 

Just thought you might like to know.

-BJ


----------



## tattooU (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear men in my life,

Why do you all have to be such pains in my ass? STOP IT. 

Thank you,
~Woman who doesn't want to talk about feelings.


----------



## CausticSodaPop (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear Bulimia, 

You're tearing her apart and she doesn't even know it yet... but I'm determined that you won't get the better of her. 

Richard


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear Labor Day,

HURRY THE EFF UP! 

Signed,

Impatient


----------



## swamptoad (Aug 24, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear Labor Day,
> 
> HURRY THE EFF UP!
> 
> ...






LOL!!!


----------



## furious styles (Aug 24, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear Luc Besson,
> 
> You might not be an amazing director, but the quirks and comedy of your movies always leave me satisfied. And the action in them is friggin' outstanding.
> 
> ...



I would argue that Léon is one of the greatest movies ever made.


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear Fritos brand Limited Edition McGraw's Spicy Jalapeno corn chips,

I love you. You are my reason for being. Will you marry me?

All my love,
Melanie


----------



## Carrie (Aug 24, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> I would argue that Léon is one of the greatest movies ever made.


Agreed; I even named my ferret "Mathilda".


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear "Magic Boat of Butt Sex"

Glad I didn't miss you  

I got your back.....and never fall behind....... 


"bent over" laughing,

Green Eyed Fairy


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 24, 2008)

Caroline,

Apparently you missed her other comment - that he "poo-poo'd" other people's POV. That was classic as well.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 24, 2008)

Oh gawd Ginny.... please make it stop


I think I am enjoying all this way more than I should......


----------



## MisticalMisty (Aug 24, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Guidance Counselor,
> 
> Thanks SO much for your patience, kindness, and answers. You rock!
> 
> ...





cute_obese_girl said:


> Dear Mellie,
> 
> Find out what books you need and how much they cost new and used at the campus bookstore. You can usually do this online. Then take the ISBN (or title + author + year published) and go to bestbookbuys dot com. This site will scour the internet for prices on the books you need. A lot of times you can find it cheaper even after shipping.
> 
> ...



Dear Mellie,

You can also take the ISBN number and the title and go to your school's library and see if they either have the books or can do an inter-library loan. I did that the last 4 semesters of college and didn't have to spend any money!

Good luck


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 24, 2008)

MisticalMisty said:


> Dear Mellie,
> 
> You can also take the ISBN number and the title and go to your school's library and see if they either have the books or can do an inter-library loan. I did that the last 4 semesters of college and didn't have to spend any money!
> 
> Good luck



Dear Misty,

The way our library is set up, they only have a limited number of each textbook available. They allow each one to be checked out for a mere 2 hours and they can NOT leave the building! It sucks. 

Thank you for the advice and the luck!


----------



## Carrie (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear Self, 

Stop watching Dawn of the Dead. No good will come of it. 

Love, 
~Me (aka the girl who enjoys a restful night's sleep)


----------



## soleil3313 (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear Subway By My House, 

Why did you get rid of the little yellow peppers that are tangy and delicious? My sub was just not the same. I must say I'm a little disappointed.

*sigh*

Unsatisfied Me


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 24, 2008)

Mellie: Half.com is your friend. Seriously.


----------



## Blackjack (Aug 24, 2008)

Carrie said:


> Dear Self,
> 
> Stop watching Dawn of the Dead. No good will come of it.
> 
> ...



Original or remake?


----------



## Carrie (Aug 24, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Original or remake?


Remake. I know, I suck. I've probably seen it least five times and it's still so scary, eeep!


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 24, 2008)

Carrie said:


> Remake. I know, I suck. I've probably seen it least five times and it's still so scary, eeep!



I actually prefer the remake. One of my favorite zombie movies ever. I know I may be crucified for saying this, but something about the old one makes it very dated. I don't know, the zombies just look kind of green and are sort of apathetic. Which of course, makes no sense, but they just really don't even seem all that interested in brains or anything. I want me some blood thirsty zombies! Also that music is just cringe inducing at times.

The new one is just so fast paced and intense and I love the characters.

Seriously, these 3 just make the movie so much better !


----------



## Carrie (Aug 24, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I actually prefer the remake. One of my favorite zombie movies ever. I know I may be crucified for saying this, but something about the old one makes it very dated. I don't know, the zombies just look kind of green and are sort of apathetic. Which of course, makes no sense, but they just really don't even seem all that interested in brains or anything. I want me some blood thirsty zombies! Also that music is just cringe inducing at times.
> 
> The new one is just so fast paced and intense and I love the characters.
> 
> Seriously, these 3 just make the movie so much better !


Iknowiknowiknow! The first time I saw it I was pretty horrified by how fast the zombies are. I mean, that's so against the rules, y'know? They're supposed to be slow and easy to elude, not spry and fast. I agree re. the characters, too, very likable, those three. 

And Michael = highly crush-worthy.


----------



## Blackjack (Aug 24, 2008)

The remake's a lot more fun, and I prefer it to the original, but the original's probably the better film overall, especially considering the still-relevant social commentary on consumerism.

Nonetheless, it's fucking _AWESOME_ to see zombies get the shit blown out of them in extra-gore-o-vision.


----------



## furious styles (Aug 24, 2008)

everything can be improved by adding ving rhames.










_everything._


----------



## Carrie (Aug 24, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> The remake's a lot more fun, and I prefer it to the original, but the original's probably the better film overall, especially considering the still-relevant social commentary on consumerism.
> 
> Nonetheless, it's fucking _AWESOME_ to see zombies get the shit blown out of them in extra-gore-o-vision.


You know, Kevin, one of my favorite things about you is that even though you're a highly knowledgeable film buff and have excellent taste in _good_ films, you're not a snob about it. You can still appreciate a good explosion/violence/gunfire-ridden hot mess of a film.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 24, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> everything can be improved by adding ving rhames.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Agreed .. and apparently, so does Rachael Ray. 

Seriously, I clicked on "random recipe" and got Chili Dog Nachos and I kid you not. 

1 tablespoon vegetable oil, 1 turn of the pan
1 pound ground sirloin
Salt and pepper
2 hog dogs, sliced into 1/2- inch pieces
1 small onion, chopped
*Ving Rhames*
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons chili powder
2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 (8-ounce) can tomato sauce
1 sack yellow corn tortilla chips
1 sack, 10 ounces, shredded yellow Cheddar
Sour cream, garnish
Salsa, garnish
2 scallions, chopped


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 24, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Agreed .. and apparently, so does Rachael Ray.
> 
> Seriously, I clicked on "random recipe" and got Chili Dog Nachos and I kid you not.
> 
> ...



Fucking having to spread rep around and stuff. *fumes*


----------



## mimosa (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear F,

I love voice mail. :wubu: 



Your friend,

Mims.


----------



## Blackjack (Aug 24, 2008)

Carrie said:


> You know, Kevin, one of my favorite things about you is that even though you're a highly knowledgeable film buff and have excellent taste in _good_ films, you're not a snob about it. You can still appreciate a good explosion/violence/gunfire-ridden hot mess of a film.



Movies are art, but they're also entertainment. Some movies are made to be artistic endeavors, or to cause a strong emotional reaction in the audience, and others are meant to be entertainment and little more than that. The same medium that brought us _Citizen Kane _and _No Country for Old Men_ can also bring us the Three Stooges and _Ghostbusters_. A lack of philosophy or commentary in a film doesn't negate how entertaining it is to watch, whatever that entertainment stems from.

I never understood why some people- on both sides- can't appreciate this.

However, I honestly have no clue how to begin comprehending why anyone would choose to see _any_ movie done by Aaron Seltzer.

ETA: Which reminds me- 

Dear Aaron Seltzer:

You're a worse director than Paul W.S. Anderson. Worse than Uwe Boll. Just STOP already.

If you don't, I'm going to kill you in an incredibly appropriate and agonizing way. If you've seen the short film "Cigarette Burns", you'll know just what I have in mind.

Signed,
- Someone who's sick of the bullshit


----------



## Chimpi (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear Carrie,

You've watched it enough! Please sent to me A.S.A.P. as I have not seen the remake (nor the original :blush. Nao. Pleez?

Chimpster


----------



## Carrie (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear Justin, 

Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you of teh scariness. 

Be brave, 
~Carrie





Dear Beej, 

Is this going to be on the final? 

Taking notes,
~Carrie


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 24, 2008)

Dear K,

You saved me. I love you. You've been there when I've needed you most. I appreciate you. 

Heartfelt hugs and sincere thanks,

Melanie


----------



## Suze (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear M,
You know I adore you, but please stop referring to yourself as much more intelligent than the rest of the world whenever we have our "deep" conversations.
It makes you seem _less_ intelligent... 

And don’t include ME in that mindset of yours. :doh:

Your friend,
I


Dear Me,
Start learning how to confront people ya idjit.
Love Me


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear Self,

No! You will NOT faint in the classroom. Knock it off, and, for goodness' sake, do NOT drink anything caffeinated today!!!

You're a dork,
Me


----------



## JoeFA (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear My Creator

Why have you given me the supposed looks of a 12 year old?
Thats some pretty crude joke your playing there, whoever you may be.

Yours annoyedly, Joe


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear Joe,

I gave you a hug to make up for picking on you...and you never acknowledged it. That makes me sad. 

Sadly,
Mellie


P.S. You don't really look 12....knock it off!


----------



## JoeFA (Aug 25, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Joe,
> 
> I gave you a hug to make up for picking on you...and you never acknowledged it. That makes me sad.
> 
> ...



Dear Mellie

I do apologise, only others posted more things and i didn't see your post

Sorrily yours, Joe


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 25, 2008)

JoeFA said:


> Dear Mellie
> 
> I do apologise, only others posted more things and i didn't see your post
> 
> Sorrily yours, Joe



Dear Joe,

Apology accepted.

Be well,
Mellie


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear Woman In Line At The Grocery Store,

Yes, your elderly father was slow and looked to be slightly disoriented. Yes, he dropped the soda and was unable to pick it back up again...but seriously, the anger and 'tude was just completely unwarranted. You too will be that age one day. I hope your children treat you with a bit more patience and respect than you showed your father. 

Angrily,
The Woman In Line Behind You

***

Dear Cashier,

I know it's your job to hurry people through your line but was the look really necessary? You WILL have other elderly customers in your line. You might want to get used to it now and learn a little patience and compassion. 

Your Annoyed Customer,
The Woman In Line

***

Dear Women Waiting In Line Behind All This,

Would it have been better to speak up? Should you have said something to the woman about her harsh tone and impatient attitude? Should you have told the snotty cashier to take her time because you were in no rush? Would speaking up have embarrassed the elder gentleman? When the snotty cashier saw the tears in your eyes should you have told her how hurtful & cruel that little scene just was?

Saddened and unsure,
Me


----------



## washburn (Aug 25, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Woman In Line At The Grocery Store,
> 
> Yes, your elderly father was slow and looked to be slightly disoriented. Yes, he dropped the soda and was unable to pick it back up again...but seriously, the anger and 'tude was just completely unwarranted. You too will be that age one day. I hope your children treat you with a bit more patience and respect than you showed your father.
> 
> ...



Dear all of you,

I work in a sushi bar in a grocery store beside the check out, there are millions more like that, grocery stores are a choatic mess of human tomfoolery and rudeness. You are not alone, I don't have an answer but all I can say is your probably one of the few polite ones, speak out and let your voice be heard.


----------



## Blackjack (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear job,

Fuck you. I really could've used the discount that you provided on what seems to be every generic medication EXCEPT for what I take.


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear Creator of Universe,

Why is Ivana pregnant? Why is Cherry pregnant? Why must you continue to torture me with visions of what I'll never have, the joy of starting a a family. When I made the deal with the devil to look and act the way I do, I didn't know you two cut a side deal saying I have to look at people getting married and having children the rest of my 3-8 years left on earth. 

Cut it out will ya?


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 25, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Creator of Universe,
> 
> Why is Ivana pregnant? Why is Cherry pregnant? Why must you continue to torture me with visions of what I'll never have, the joy of starting a a family. When I made the deal with the devil to look and act the way I do, I didn't know you two cut a side deal saying I have to look at people getting married and having children the rest of my 3-8 years left on earth.
> 
> Cut it out will ya?



Dude .. 

what?


----------



## swamptoad (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear Grocery Store Clerk,

You slowly but surely did your job. Inched the belt little-by-little for the next customer and got every individual thing scanned all by itself one-by-one and bagged at a snails pace. :doh: All the while bagging cold stuff with non-cold stuff and soft squishy bread with (I forgot already) but so oddly sorted. What's the deal?


----------



## SMA413 (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear school-
Why did you have to start today?? And what is with the insane amount of reading already?? This is my LAST semester in school- I really don't want to hate it. I think we got off on the wrong foot. Let's start over... next week.
-Already exhausted student

-----

Dear Matt-
Why did we decide on Thursday? It's sooooo far away. 
-Samantha

-----

Dear R-
I like how you acted all super jealous yesterday. That was cute... but a little late. Calling me right BEFORE my date, texting me during my date, downplaying the guy I went out with. Really phenomenal and mature.

But then today, you acted like you could careless.

I just _loooooove_ sick mind games. 
-S

-----

Dear Matt-
Did I mention that I can't wait til Thursday?
:smitten:
-Samantha


----------



## fatgirlflyin (Aug 25, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Creator of Universe,
> 
> Why is Ivana pregnant? Why is Cherry pregnant? Why must you continue to torture me with visions of what I'll never have, the joy of starting a a family. When I made the deal with the devil to look and act the way I do, I didn't know you two cut a side deal saying I have to look at people getting married and having children the rest of my 3-8 years left on earth.
> 
> Cut it out will ya?




Alrighty then


----------



## washburn (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear Dancing Banana,

How do you do it? Dance, I mean, all bananas know of their fate, they will turn from green to yellow or yellow with brownish spots, and get skinned and eaten, or they turn brown, get frozen to death and made into bread. How do you keep so damn happy? I want to know your secret.....

Yours truly,
puzzled and amused.


----------



## JiminOR (Aug 25, 2008)

washburn said:


> Dear Dancing Banana,
> 
> How do you do it? Dance, I mean, all bananas know of their fate, they will turn from green to yellow or yellow with brownish spots, and get skinned and eaten, or they turn brown, get frozen to death and made into bread. How do you keep so damn happy? I want to know your secret.....
> 
> ...



Uh, cause it's peanut butter jelly time, hellooooo?


----------



## SweetNYLady (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear Universe,

I'm trying to be patient... I really am. 

It's just that I'm so darn lonely. 

I guess today is just one of those days when it's harder to deal with than it is at other times. 

Holding onto faith that tomorrow will be a different kind of day (If you have time, please at least help with that one), Thank you,
E


----------



## A Bolder Boulder FA (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear Punkin -

52 hours to go. This will the be the funnest, longest drive ever. I can't wait to see you again. :wubu:

Dear Democrat National Convention - 

Please go off without a hitch. This country needs a leader who is not a complete dumbfuck like Bush/McCain or we're screwed.

Dear Job -

You've gotten better than I thought you would be. That doesn't mean you're paying me enough.

But I have to say, being able to browse forums and play Guitar Hero III all day in addition to being sent $150.00 bottles of wine and health insurance and not having to be at work RIGHT AT a specific time everyday and a pretty generous vacation plan are all pretty awesome perks.

Dear Playstation 3/42" LG LCD TV -

I love you both, and you both kick ass. Fat Princess will be one of the coolest games ever. Warhawk already is.

Football and basketball (go Nuggets) are gonna be awesome this year.


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 25, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dude ..
> 
> what?




AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAH



I gotta tinkle


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear school,

You rock! I'm tired already, though. Slow down, please. Kthnx

Tiredly yours,
Miss Martinez


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Aug 25, 2008)

Carrie said:


> Dear Self,
> 
> Stop watching Dawn of the Dead. *No good will come of it.*
> 
> ...



Dear Carrie -

I beg to differ. I also enjoy Dawn of the Dead, the remake. Not only do I find it to be entertaining, but also quite informational. If there ever is a zombie invasion, I feel that this movie has provided me with some very good insight into what stores at the mall would be best for supplies. Also, what might be some better maneuvers to keep the gang alive.

PS, the dreamy dude is the husband on Medium.

Hugs,

Christine


----------



## gwydion (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear Deer Who Ran Into the Side of My Car Last Year,

Okay, I understand the ``You in the Headlights'' thing - I mean, yeah, I'd be scared shitless if I were about to be run down by some kind of metal and chrome monster. I get it - I do. 

But why would you just leap out of the forest and slam into my car? It's not like my headlights weren't on. My car, last I checked, did not resemble a ninja, was in fact quite visible and (like most cars, and unlike all but the most inept ninja) also rather loud. I'm relatively certain that my car never did anything to insult you or your bretheren. And yet, you felt it necessary to bound out of the forest with great aplomb, smacking head-first into my front-right side, as if to say, ``Fie on you, vile metal monster!! I shall prick your eye out, using the only weapon at my disposal - my blunt head! Have at you!!''

Afterward, when I had pulled over to catch my breath and take stock of the damage, you were nowhere to be found. This, too, is troubling - after all, it is only good manners to leave a note when you hit someone else's car.




Yours,

Joe


----------



## Blackjack (Aug 25, 2008)

Dear _Firefly_ audio commentary track,

You rule. Seriously, having Alan Tudyk and Nathan Fillion over "War Stories" was fucking *hilarious*. I'll probably watch it again in a couple days.

-Kevin


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 26, 2008)

Dear financial aid office,

I am NOT an International student!!!! I was born right here in this state, in this town, in this country. Stop charging me for not being born here. Fuckers!

American,
Melanie

Dear Mom,
NO...I will not have them call you so you can tell them I was born in Sweden...you smartass!

Are you sure I wasn't adopted?,
Melanie


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Aug 26, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear financial aid office,
> 
> I am NOT an International student!!!! I was born right here in this state, in this town, in this country. Stop charging me for not being born here. Fuckers!
> 
> ...


Don't think your accent doesn't show, Camelliegupta Nahasapeemapetalon. We're on to your little game.


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 26, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Don't think your accent doesn't show, Camelliegupta Nahasapeemapetalon. We're on to your little game.



*SMACK*  You dishonor my people! I mean...I'm an American! *waves a flag*


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Aug 26, 2008)

gwydion said:


> Dear Deer Who Ran Into the Side of My Car Last Year,
> 
> Okay, I understand the ``You in the Headlights'' thing - I mean, yeah, I'd be scared shitless if I were about to be run down by some kind of metal and chrome monster. I get it - I do.
> 
> ...



Dear Joe,

You've had a Gilmore Girls moment. Amy Sherman Palladino should have to pay for the damage to your car since this deer was obviously trying to mimic a stunt performed by the celebrity deer on that tv show 

Sorry it happened and sorry for the fact that you will now have to explain to everyone that you did not hit a deer, but the deer hit you :doh:

Shannon


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 26, 2008)

gwydion said:


> Dear Deer Who Ran Into the Side of My Car Last Year,
> 
> Okay, I understand the ``You in the Headlights'' thing - I mean, yeah, I'd be scared shitless if I were about to be run down by some kind of metal and chrome monster. I get it - I do.
> 
> ...


This EXACT thing happened to me when I was 16. More than ten years later, I STILL do not understand what the hell was going through that deer's head!


----------



## Blackjack (Aug 26, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> This EXACT thing happened to me when I was 16. More than ten years later, I STILL do not understand what the hell was going through that deer's head!



I'd guess your fender.


----------



## JoyJoy (Aug 26, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> This EXACT thing happened to me when I was 16. More than ten years later, I STILL do not understand what the hell was going through that deer's head!


Through the deer's head? 

...


...

...must...not...make bad...joke......


....


....


ahhhhhhh. Phew, that was close!


Wasn't it your car??


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Aug 26, 2008)

It jumped INTO my car, Beej, and then ran away, head intact, thank goodness!


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 26, 2008)

There are so many deer in my area. I have been driving slower at night lately because I'm afraid to hit one. 

Basically, I'm in a constant state of terror ..







oh and since we're in the letter thread.

Dear Nutbar, 

You get creepier by the day. Also you appear to be somewhat of a psychopath. Not cool. You're not smart enough to pick on any of this so you just continue to go about being you. Stop it! You suck!

I can't think of an appropriate way to sign this! 

BGB


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Aug 26, 2008)

Dear BGB, 

The deer and I have an agreement...they stay out of my way and I won't kill them. Seems to be working so far *Knocks on wood* But yeah there are a ton of deer oot and aboot lately. Just driving home from work yesterday there was three in my way. One was a mom with a baby (all spotty and cute). I hope they keep their end of the agreement because I would be heart broken if I hit a baby deer. 

Your fellow Jersey deer avoider,
NancyGirl74


----------



## activistfatgirl (Aug 26, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Creator of Universe,
> 
> Why is Ivana pregnant? Why is Cherry pregnant? Why must you continue to torture me with visions of what I'll never have, the joy of starting a a family. *When I made the deal with the devil to look and act the way I do, I didn't know you two cut a side deal *saying I have to look at people getting married and having children the *rest of my 3-8 years left on earth*.
> 
> Cut it out will ya?




This is a joke, right? RIGHT?

If not, I just hope you're continuing to get some help, Mr. Hayes.


----------



## JoyJoy (Aug 26, 2008)

Dear Self, 

Please remember to read ALL posts and be fully awake before making lame jokes. All of us in here would thank you. 

best regards, 

The Crew


----------



## Blackjack (Aug 26, 2008)

Dear Neil Marshall,

Having just watched _Doomsday_, I feel that you are probably one of the best choices for director should another _Mad Max _film be made. Just cut back on the ridiculousness factor in the action scenes and you should be good.

Sincerely,
BJ 
(who has a hard-on for post-apocalyptic movies)


----------



## LillyBBBW (Aug 26, 2008)

Dear folks in charge in Hollywood,

Please make another Mad Max movie.

Thank you for listening.
Me
*hardon showing*


----------



## olwen (Aug 26, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear Neil Marshall,
> 
> Having just watched _Doomsday_, I feel that you are probably one of the best choices for director should another _Mad Max _film be made. Just cut back on the ridiculousness factor in the action scenes and you should be good.
> 
> ...



Dear BJ, 

Watch fewer movies and read more books. You're geek level knowledge of film is starting to make me feel inadequate. 

Signed,

Olwen


----------



## Sugar (Aug 26, 2008)

SweetNYLady said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> I'm trying to be patient... I really am.
> 
> ...



(((((Hugs)))))


----------



## Blackjack (Aug 26, 2008)

olwen said:


> Dear BJ,
> 
> Watch fewer movies and read more books. You're geek level knowledge of film is starting to make me feel inadequate.
> 
> ...



Don't even get me started on how _Blindness _is a novel that is incredibly brilliant and insightful and yet utterly unfilmable. Or how Dante's _Inferno_ is better in the original Italian.

Or how _Hamlet_ is better in the original Klingon.

taH pagh, taH'be, bithches.


----------



## olwen (Aug 26, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Don't even get me started on how _Blindness _is a novel that is incredibly brilliant and insightful and yet utterly unfilmable. Or how Dante's _Inferno_ is better in the original Italian.
> 
> Or how _Hamlet_ is better in the original Klingon.
> 
> taH pagh, taH'be, bithches.



Dear Beej, 

As much as I like Jose Saramago, Blindness was awfully boring. And the Inferno fizzled round about level 2. It probably sputters in Italian and bljatlh 'e' ylmev, P'taqh.


----------



## out.of.habit (Aug 27, 2008)

SweetNYLady said:


> Dear Universe,
> 
> I'm trying to be patient... I really am.
> 
> ...



I hope that today was a different kind of day for you. I really like the attitude that tomorrow can always be better. Some days are certainly harder than others when dealing with/working through loneliness ... but the beauty of that is that it's not always going to be a trial. 

((((((( E )))))))


----------



## supersoup (Aug 27, 2008)

dear maggie,

quit farting. we have guests coming tomorrow.

ya rude furbaby,
manda


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 27, 2008)

activistfatgirl said:


> This is a joke, right? RIGHT?
> 
> If not, I just hope you're continuing to get some help, Mr. Hayes.



Dear AFG,

The first part about the deal with the devil was a joke, the second part wasn't. The analysis wasn't what I expected, turns out my negative emotions trigger from negative thoughts in my head. If I surround myself with positivity then there will be much less mood swings.

Unfortunately my work is nothing but miserable and since most girls I date listen to their friends rather than listen to their hearts, if the Barzini's, Tatagglia's or the Cuneo's get a hold of me or if I'm hit with a bolt of lightning in 3-8 years, I won't mind. I am not suicidal and never will be, but if I step on a street and a drunk truck driver is comin my way.....eh, what are ya gonna do?


----------



## SMA413 (Aug 27, 2008)

Dear instructor from Hell-
Thanks for making me look retarded in front of the entire class today... even though the answer I gave you was STRAIGHT from the book! If you don't agree with the text, then why the hell did we get it?!?! It's totally on now- I will be all over that book like white on rice and then I'll show you up every time.

Go write you're own effin' nursing textbook.
-The disgruntled senior

-----

Dear computer-
What is with these error messages I keep getting from you? And I'm not a huge fan of the random shut downs. I know you're getting a little old, but can you just hold your shit together for 16 more weeks? After that, I _promise _I'll take you to a nice farm with fresh air and lots of fields... very similar to this one:






Keeping my fingers crossed-
Samantha


----------



## CleverBomb (Aug 27, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear instructor from Hell-
> Thanks for making me look retarded in front of the entire class today... even though the answer I gave you was STRAIGHT from the book! If you don't agree with the text, then why the hell did we get it?!?! It's totally on now- I will be all over that book like white on rice and then I'll show you up every time.
> 
> Go write you're own effin' nursing textbook.
> ...


Dust or pet hair clogging the power supply or chip fans? Hit it in the vents with a blast or two from a can of compressed air (available at many office supply stores). It's cheap, and can't hurt.

-Rusty


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Aug 27, 2008)

dear employment,
I'm sorry for what I said and did will you take me back?
please?


----------



## Ernest Nagel (Aug 27, 2008)

Dear Body,

Why do you keep betraying me? I know I haven't taken the best care of you but I've also forgiven you many things. I really don't ask that much from you and this is yet another distraction I do not have time for, worrying about how much time I may not have. Let's get our shit together, shall we?

Limited Regards,
Scott


----------



## supersoup (Aug 27, 2008)

stupid brian,

if you are reading this, congratulations, YOU FOUND ME!!

bwahaahahahha,
slutticus


----------



## Rowan (Aug 27, 2008)

Dear Employer,

It is only 88 degrees outside, we are not in the lake of fire in the belly of hell, so please give it a rest with the air conditioning as if we were. I already have a blanket on my lap and my pull over on and still have goosebumps and nipples so hard they hurt. Please make it warmer in here.

Thanks,

Frosty


----------



## bexy (Aug 27, 2008)

Dear KHayes666


What are Barzini's, Tatagglia's or Cuneo's?

A concerned Dimmer....


----------



## JiminOR (Aug 27, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> Dear KHayes666
> 
> 
> What are Barzini's, Tatagglia's or Cuneo's?
> ...



Now, it's been a while since I watched the Godfather, but I'm pretty sure that those are three of the five families of New York, the others being Corleone and something I can't remember. 

Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.

I should write a letter while I'm here I guess

Dear Francis Ford Coppola

Thanks for making the Godfather, and also thanks for II. They're fucking aces. 

A fan


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 27, 2008)

Dear JimiinOR

Thanks for beating me to the punch...

I'd include the Stracci's but they're from New Jersey so it would take them forever to get here lol


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 27, 2008)

Dear Textbooks,

Thanks for making the night out having coffee, a night in rolling change. I guess it's really not your fault, it's FA's. (Financial aid) Humm. Still. You are over priced for your 8 week purpose. You better have some recipes or something in there that are yummy.

Thanks,
~T1BG~


Dear Financial Aid,

WHY is my session starting on 9/2 and I won't get you (for this session) until November? Which is after my next session starts. You should think on how and why you do this. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Also- why am I getting so little? That's okay I guess- it should cover my costs. But still... it sucks. 

Think yourself over,
~T1BG~


Dear Friends I was supposed to be having midnight coffee with,

Why don't ya'll all hop in a car and split the gas money and come here? I have all the things IHOP has, only BETTER (and no chance of spit or creepies in your food either). Sure, it means more work for me, but it gives me the chance to socialize with you, not have to spend 20 bucks in gas and 2 hours on the road to come visit and money for coffee or food. I'm a poor ass college student now- I know ya'll understand. I don't understand how ya'll ended up getting a couple grand to live on per semester and I'm gonna be lucky to get 500 bucks that will barely cover my books though. Ya'll suck!

I still love you though,
~Me~


----------



## That1BigGirl (Aug 28, 2008)

Dear Change,

YOU FUCKING ROCK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Total change rolled: 244.50

Books are paid for plus a little more! ROCK!!!!!

Other random things found:
1 - 1943 Mercury dime
1- unknown date buffalo nickel
13- wheat pennies
2- liberty dollars
1- 1900 silver dollar
2- half dollars
8- "Gold" dollars

Thank you for rocking. Even if that was like 6 months of change. You are furthering my education!

Much love,
~M~


----------



## TCUBOB (Aug 28, 2008)

Good catch. But while we're writing letters to FFC, can we hold him accountable for Nick Cage's career, Sophia Coppola's acting (she's a much better director) and, of course, the Godfather III?

Barzini was the Corleone rival for "chief among equals" of the Five Families. He tried to have the Don killed after he refused to co-operate with the drug trade (the Don controlled the politicians and the judges), which lead to Michael killing the Sollazzo (the Turk) and McCluskey, the popo captain. Michael left the country, Sonny was killed, they put in a truce to bring Michael back and he takes over. Tataglia was the public "face" of the drug trade, but as the Don so eloquently put, "Tataglia is a pimp." That's part of how they figured out that Barzini was behind it all along. 

Yeah, I remember way too much about stuff I don't need to know.



JiminOR said:


> Now, it's been a while since I watched the Godfather, but I'm pretty sure that those are three of the five families of New York, the others being Corleone and something I can't remember.
> 
> Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.
> 
> ...


----------



## KHayes666 (Aug 28, 2008)

TCUBOB said:


> Good catch. But while we're writing letters to FFC, can we hold him accountable for Nick Cage's career, Sophia Coppola's acting (she's a much better director) and, of course, the Godfather III?
> 
> Barzini was the Corleone rival for "chief among equals" of the Five Families. He tried to have the Don killed after he refused to co-operate with the drug trade (the Don controlled the politicians and the judges), which lead to Michael killing the Sollazzo (the Turk) and McCluskey, the popo captain. Michael left the country, Sonny was killed, they put in a truce to bring Michael back and he takes over. Tataglia was the public "face" of the drug trade, but as the Don so eloquently put, "Tataglia is a pimp." That's part of how they figured out that Barzini was behind it all along.
> 
> Yeah, I remember way too much about stuff I don't need to know.



Dear Tom Hagen,

Tataglia's a pimp.....he could have never outfought Santino, it was Barzini all along!

-V. Corleone


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Aug 28, 2008)

Dear Noisy People in the next Hotel Room:

STFU!

tyvm, Sleepless neighbor


----------



## JiminOR (Aug 28, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Tom Hagen,
> 
> Tataglia's a pimp.....he could have never outfought Santino, it was Barzini all along!
> 
> -V. Corleone



Dear Don Corleone,

Stay away from the fucking oranges already. 

Sincerely

Everybody


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 28, 2008)

Dear coffee,

Oh, how I've missed you. If my stupid self had remembered you were in the cupboard earlier...I wouldn't have been dragging ass at school all week.

I love you,
Coffee-drinking Melanie


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 28, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear coffee,
> 
> Oh, how I've missed you. If my stupid self had remembered you were in the cupboard earlier...I wouldn't have been dragging ass at school all week.
> 
> ...



Dear Mellie,

How in hell do you think I made it through four years of night school?  

Caffeine buzzed all day and night,
Caroline


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 28, 2008)

Dear Caroline,

I am now suffering from caffeine crash and have no access to more coffee. I shall surely perish in my next class. Pray that I don't fall asleep and snore. Thank you.


Hoping to NOT snore in class,
Melanie


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 28, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Caroline,
> 
> I am now suffering from caffeine crash and have no access to more coffee. I shall surely perish in my next class. Pray that I don't fall asleep and snore. Thank you.
> 
> ...



Dear Mellie,

I'm guessing there are coke machines in your school 

Hope you learn the REAL lure of abusing coca-cola and caffeine soon,
Caroline

P.S. Don't drink it too late in the day- or you won't get to sleep :doh:


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 28, 2008)

Dear Caroline,

Do you have change for a $5? 'Cause I am NOT standing in the cafe line to buy a soda and I have nothing smaller than a 5.

Love,
Melanie


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 28, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Caroline,
> 
> Do you have change for a $5? 'Cause I am NOT standing in the cafe line to buy a soda and I have nothing smaller than a 5.
> 
> ...



Dear Mellie,

They don't have break rooms with change machines? :doh:

Gawd what kind of hell are you attending?  

Hope you learn to get a roll of quarters to carry in your purse,
Caroline


----------



## JiminOR (Aug 28, 2008)

Dear Lynne

Goddamn you reek today. Take a shower once in a while. I can't decide what's annoying me more today, your incessant rambling, or the reek of ass. Oh well, at least the smell of garbage scow is keeping me awake. Where the fuck did all these seagulls come from?

Me

edit - it stings the nostrils

edit edit - oh cripes, she's talking to me now -holds breath-


----------



## bmann0413 (Aug 28, 2008)

Dear random girl I said hi to at school,

YOU COULD SAY HI BACK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, BITCH!

Lloyd

-----------------------

Dear strangers who I've seen and will see,

Next time I hold the door open for you, the least you can do is say thank you. Otherwise, I'll just slam the door in your face or give you a charlie horse.

Lloyd


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Aug 28, 2008)

Dear Rain -

Enough already, can't you go away until Tuesday?? I mean, you're cool but not on weekends when I have BIG plans! Come pitter patter early next week k?

Thanks,
Your Soggy Fan


----------



## washburn (Aug 28, 2008)

Dear Toothpaste, Body wash and Deodorant.

Why did you all have to run out at once? especially when I'm tight for cash. Could you not have staggered yourselves over the next six weeks? I mean I can't sacrifice hygiene so I had to get more of you but I have to eat as well to maintain my awesome figure. 


D.


----------



## Buttons (Aug 28, 2008)

washburn said:


> Dear Toothpaste, Body wash and Deodorant.
> 
> Why did you all have to run out at once? especially when I'm tight for cash. Could you not have staggered yourselves over the next six weeks? I mean I can't sacrifice hygiene so I had to get more of you but I have to eat as well to maintain my awesome figure.
> 
> ...



That ALWAYS happens to me!!!


----------



## CAMellie (Aug 29, 2008)

Dear 4 day weekend,


YOU ROCK!


Madly in love with you right now,
Me


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Aug 29, 2008)

bmann0413 said:


> Dear random girl I said hi to at school,
> 
> YOU COULD SAY HI BACK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, BITCH!
> 
> ...



Yeah, you know what you should do? Next time you see her, you should sneak up behind her and start breathing really heavily and ask why she is ignoring you and how much you don't appreciate it.

She'll be all about you, I promise.


----------



## SMA413 (Aug 29, 2008)

Dear 410/281 interchange-
You're like a fun little rollercoaster I get to ride with my car. I love you and your little break from the monotony of traffic.
-The Red Yaris


Dear 410/Nacogdoches exit-
I hate you and your nonsensical-ness. Where are the lanes?!?! Get yourself sorted.
-The Red Yaris


Dear BGB-
I heart you and your sincerity.  You're always good for a giggle. 
- Me


Dear Matt-
You need to calm down, buddy. What's with the 7:30 AM phone call and 3 subsequent texts?! Did I order a wake up call and not realize it?? You're fun to flirt with occasionally... but you talk waaaayyyy too much. I don't know how much longer I can keep you around.
-Samantha


----------



## furious styles (Aug 29, 2008)

dear camu tao :

why did you have to go so early ? i miss you :[


----------



## Shala (Aug 29, 2008)

Dear Sweet Gustav,

Please stay far away from me. We have recovered from Katrina and now you come along and have us worrying about you....on Katrina's anniversary no less. You dickhead.

Leave my peeps alone.

Katrina Survivor,

Shala


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 29, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Yeah, you know what you should do? Next time you see her, you should sneak up behind her and start breathing really heavily and ask why she is ignoring you and how much you don't appreciate it.
> 
> She'll be all about you, I promise.



This is how I met my first husband............how true


----------



## LillyBBBW (Aug 29, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Yeah, you know what you should do? Next time you see her, you should sneak up behind her and start breathing really heavily and ask why she is ignoring you and how much you don't appreciate it.
> 
> She'll be all about you, I promise.



Chew a raw garlic clove first. Pheromone.


----------



## Mathias (Aug 29, 2008)

Dear Random Girl I passed on my way to Math Class

You knew the people came out before you; you saw me coming and therefore knew I was in a powerchair. Thanks for letting go of the fucking door as I came closer to it! I don't appreciate the snobbish smirk you gave me as you saw me trying to open it myself. Life must be so glamourous with your legs that you can actually use! Real class act, bitch! 

-Matt


----------



## mimosa (Aug 29, 2008)

Dear Guy 


Thanks for reminding me who I am and for your understanding. You are a very wise person. I thank God for a wonderful friend like you. And to think I didnt like you when I met you. Love ya! 



Your 'sister'


Mimi:bow:


----------



## mossystate (Aug 29, 2008)

Dear boys who seem to run into rude people, real and imagined, 

How about losing the ' bitch ' label when you are blasting someone who is a garden variety asshole.


Thanks, 

Me


----------



## Surlysomething (Aug 29, 2008)

I confess that people who come here only to post pictures of themselves over and over and don't have anything useful to say or contribute really burn my ass.


You know who you are! Put your camera away and use your brain for a change. We would like know your personality!


/end rant


----------



## Santaclear (Aug 29, 2008)

If you could possibly explain this using pictures more, Surly, the person might understand it.


----------



## washburn (Aug 29, 2008)

Dear music,
you have saved my life countless ways, and changed it in just as many. Thank you.


----------



## olwen (Aug 29, 2008)

Dear Annoying couple in front of me on the bus, 

Hey, you guys were inches away from my face when you started makin with the PDA - inches. What the hell? Did you want me to be part of your snugglefest? Were you trying to convince me to be part of a threeway with you huh? Is that why you decided to make out INCHES from my face? And hey, just cause you think the people around you can't understand italian doesn't make it any less loud. You two had just better be glad I don't know how to say "shut up and get the fuck out of my face" in italian. You win this round annoying couple, but know I WILL have my revenge one day. I will have my revenge.

Signed,
Highly annoyed passenger in the seat behind you on the bus


----------



## bmann0413 (Aug 29, 2008)

Shala said:


> Dear Sweet Gustav,
> 
> Please stay far away from me. We have recovered from Katrina and now you come along and have us worrying about you....on Katrina's anniversary no less. You dickhead.
> 
> ...



Shala, I know EXACTLY how you feel...


----------



## Surlysomething (Aug 30, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> If you could possibly explain this using pictures more, Surly, the person might understand it.


 
Haha. Nice try, Santa.


----------



## SMA413 (Aug 30, 2008)

olwen said:


> You two had just better be glad I don't know how to say *"shut up and get the fuck out of my face"* in italian. You win this round annoying couple, but know I WILL have my revenge one day. I will have my revenge.
> 
> Signed,
> Highly annoyed passenger in the seat behind you on the bus




Dear Olwen-

With the help of AltaVista's Babelfish, I think you could try this one: "chiuda in su ed ottenga la scopata dal mio fronte". Here's to revenge. 

Love,
A mutual hater of PDA that invades my personal space


----------



## olwen (Aug 30, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear Olwen-
> 
> With the help of AltaVista's Babelfish, I think you could try this one: "chiuda in su ed ottenga la scopata dal mio fronte". Here's to revenge.
> 
> ...



Thanks Sma413, I'll have to remember that one. I just hope the translation is actually good. I will have my revenge after all.


----------



## alienlanes (Aug 30, 2008)

Dear new bicycle,

:wubu:


----------



## SMA413 (Aug 30, 2008)

olwen said:


> Thanks Sma413, I'll have to remember that one. I just hope the translation is actually good. I will have my revenge after all.



Even if the translation is off, if you say it like Mario or Luigi, it'll be priceless.


----------



## mimosa (Sep 1, 2008)

My dearest friend Guy,

Since you came to visit me, you have brought love and respect back into my life. I've been wondering around this dull, cold town for almost two years. With no connection. But you...you feel like home. You with your passion for God and your sense of humor. 

Tonight you cooked the best meal I've ever had. And tomorrow you are baking my son's birthday cake. How sweet is that? I love you. I wish you werent just passing by. When you go to California...you will be taking my heart with you. You have no idea how these days have meant the world to me. Your sons Junior and Brian are just as wonderful as you. My son's heart is going to heart when you leave too. We will never forget this visit. May God bless you and watch over you. I hope that you will get everything you deserve in life. Much love to you and your boys. I love you, Brother Guy. 


Always your sister in Christ,

Mimi:bow:


----------



## washburn (Sep 1, 2008)

Dear "Darlin"

You are such a sneak! Pretending you weren't feeling well, then showing up at my door at 9 o'clock at night! You are the love of my life, the mortar to my stone. Together all obstacles, past and present will submit to our deep connection. I love the way you play peek a boo cause your shy. I love the way your voice makes me melt all over. You are my guardian angel, saint and little devil (hehehe) all rolled up into one. You are my beautiful fat girl :smitten:. A huge piece of my heart went home with you tonight. I feel you left a generous portion of yours here too. I will take care of it as you will mine, and will see you tomorrow, and many, many more tomorrows after.

All my love, 

Your chef, stubborn ass, and Lover. 

View attachment elephant_love.jpg


----------



## LoveBHMS (Sep 1, 2008)

Dear Cute Fat Guy at new job-

I have a feeling you may have caught onto me staring at your gut and love handles. If you did, please let me know if you're interested. Tx.

Also, I shall spend the rest of today with fond memories of you brushing against my arm. I don't know if it was intentional, but it was NICE. Mmmmmmmm.

L.


----------



## Surlysomething (Sep 1, 2008)

Dear landlord

Why did I know that you would stop by today, a holiday, and want that measley $40? I'm so very thankful for the parking spot, but ease up a bit, you'll get your money.

Geez.

Tina


----------



## That1BigGirl (Sep 1, 2008)

Dear English Professor-

Thanks for being such a cad. I cannot express my appreciation for how you do not seem to understand that I cannot control the world. I accept you seem to have a good reign on your own world, but imagine if you stepped out of your little bubble and tried to control it? It shall not happen.

I will still beat your class.

Meh.
~T1BG~


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 1, 2008)

Dear facebook-
I have a bajillion and a half pics to upload... work with me here, chief. No more of this "failure to upload" B.S.

kthxbye
-Samantha


----------



## LisaInNC (Sep 2, 2008)

Dear Motorcycle Riders, 

I am sick of your shit! I constantly hear you people saying car drivers need to be more courteous to you, and we should watch out for you but are you courteous to us? NO! You ride my ass everytime one of you fuckers gets behind me. So close I cant even see you unless I adjust my mirrors. Now if I slammed on my brakes and let you eat my back windshield would that be a case of me not being courteous to you or vice versa? 
Also, to the motorcycle riders who insist on making their motorcycles really loud, I am sick of that shit as well. Sick of my daughter being asleep in the backseat and you rumbling up and scaring her so bad she cries. 
FUCK YOU!!

Love, 
Lisa


----------



## JiminOR (Sep 2, 2008)

Dear Devon

Ooooshh, ooosh, ooooshh, ooooooossh

Love Jim


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 2, 2008)

Dear facebook-
Apparently you didn't get my last message. Just do your effin' job. Stop being such a diva!
-Samantha


----------



## JiminOR (Sep 2, 2008)

Dear Samantha

hahahaha

facebook


----------



## washburn (Sep 2, 2008)

Dear Facebook,

FUCK YOU!! I KNOW THE TRUTH! I AM DELETING MY ACCOUNT AND CUTTING OFF ALL FURTHER ACCESS, EVEN TO THE POINT OF DISASSOCIATING FROM MY HOTMAIL ACCOUNT, WHICH YOU KNOW. I"M OUTTA THERE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwnTWZ1-UWY


----------



## Mathias (Sep 2, 2008)

Dear Cafetieria,

Thanks for tricking me into eating lemon pudding. I thought it was vanilla! Blech!

-Matty


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 2, 2008)

washburn said:


> Dear Facebook,
> 
> FUCK YOU!! I KNOW THE TRUTH! I AM DELETING MY ACCOUNT AND CUTTING OFF ALL FURTHER ACCESS, EVEN TO THE POINT OF DISASSOCIATING FROM MY HOTMAIL ACCOUNT, WHICH YOU KNOW. I"M OUTTA THERE!
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwnTWZ1-UWY



Dear washburn-

Conspiracy theorist much?
Chill out, buddy.

- sma413


----------



## The Fez (Sep 2, 2008)

Dear me of two years ago,

if you could see how being lazy has fucked up things now, you'd change your ways. Life / Career prospects / happiness = fucked


----------



## MetalGirl (Sep 2, 2008)

No one can resist your forbidden dance.



JiminOR said:


> Dear Devon
> 
> Ooooshh, ooosh, ooooshh, ooooooossh
> 
> Love Jim


----------



## JiminOR (Sep 2, 2008)

Dear women,

I am sorry for your spongelike quality as of late, but the dance, it cannot be resisted

sincerely

me 

oooosh.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Sep 2, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Dear me of two years ago,
> 
> if you could see how being lazy has fucked up things now, you'd change your ways. Life / Career prospects / happiness = fucked



Dear Freestyle Fez in the now -

It may have taken you two years to realize that your laziness was screwing you up, but you know now. Some people never figure it out. Count yourself lucky and start figuring out how to make things change in a way that will work for you. You know you can do it. Just try. And give yourself credit for wanting to be better.

Your friend in the laziness club -

The girl who is trying to take her own advice


----------



## CAMellie (Sep 3, 2008)

Dear lower lip,

Stop it!

kthnx

Mellie


Dear NoNo,

It's fun having you here, but you take up a LOT of bed space for such a little woman. wtf? Share the bed. It's mine, after all. 

Mellie-kins


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Sep 3, 2008)

Dear weather gods:

Can you please give us a break? I know I have no real right to bitch cuz I'm not bailing out a basement in the Big Easy or anything, but this +/- 20 degree/% humidity shift every other day is playing hell with my allergies. Right now that Mucinex guy is 20 feet tall, laughing as he trundles down the street, leaving mucus and green goo everywhere.

90s and high humidity, replaced by 80s and torrential rains for the next two days. Jeebus Crepes.


----------



## Suze (Sep 3, 2008)

dear afterparty 
sorry for being patetic in general.
lets just hope i wont meet anyone of you ever again.
- moi.


----------



## Amatrix (Sep 4, 2008)

dear Michelle, 
your so silly... walking uterus talks and all.and your cat is amazing, she is a super star- even if you dont want to pet her. thanks for letting me crash at your house and even for trying my cookies that were not tofu or low fat.
i adore your home and admire your spirit. its alright you called me his exes name twice, we were a bit smoked. and it made me laugh so hard i thought pasta was going to come outa my nose.and how embarrassed you were about it really made me giggle. we all make mistakes, no reason to be upset about it.
i am sorry obama is not the messiah, but it makes me lol alot when you talk about it, because i get what your saying.
your hopeful future daughter in law at some point
amatrix
ps you can use my hair stuff anytime, and feel free to use my lavender stuff as well. im not a fan of it... and your my second mom. mine is yours.

dear Curt
thanks for letting c and i puff. i saw your son, and he looks like you. every time i talk to you i learn more and more about who you were... a Vietnam vet, a owner of a restaurant, and a photographer for a travel company.
thanks for not freaking out with all of our noise we have at night from our activities, and thanks for letting me crash at your house too.your bbq sauce is killer and i cant ever make it as well at home.
thanks for the political jokes and taking time to explain things whenever i had a question.
its a rare thing for someone to not only have a great father, but also an awesome step father. i wish there were more dads out there like you. i admire you and love how you take care of Michelle.

hope to repay the favor someday, in kind.
amatrix
ps its alright if the pokes beat the buffalos this year right? 

dear c
le sigh. your not helping me, or my feelings about missing you. i held it in as long as i could but did cry as soon as you left again. i know it hurts your feelers too... so i waited this time so i didnt just break down and beg for you to take me back to your house. 
it is stifling here... literally.
i wont forget the little snow leopard kittens, or the drunk hapa laughs. i will not forget the random giggles and the "i think i should go outside" parts. i wont forget the mushy moments and even the squishy moments.
your parents rock and i really love them.
we both want to be together everyday but i dont see it happening for at least a year. we can totally make that happen, make it work.
anyways i totally had a blast. from your cooking, to just playing pixel junk monsters...to the mountains to the stream. from the DNC and waking up next to you.
miss you. glad you drank the rest of the vodka. today was crap, tomorrow will be better, i promise.:kiss2:
your plumppunkin
amatrix


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Sep 4, 2008)

Dear Dimmers who are either fans of this guy or of BHMs in general - 

This is for you:

View attachment miscellaneous_121.gif


You're welcome.


----------



## snuffy2000 (Sep 4, 2008)

Dear car,

Why does everyone in the neighborhood hate you? Seriously, every time I go out to take you for a drive theres always a new scratch or dent from someone that didn't want to take responsibility for their actions and actually say they ran into you. I parked you across the street, and your drivers side door got totalled, leaving me to try to dukes of hazzard my way into you. A month after that incident I had your door fixed and I parked you across the street again because the driveway was full. I wake up the next day and go outside to greet you for our morning drive to 7-11 for a Monster, and to my dismay, The same door was totalled again in the exact same way. And this time, no one claimed to hit you so I can't get a new door covered under insurance, thanks to PLPD. I find it ironically amusing, but depressing at the same time.

Sincerely yours,

The guy whose change is all over your floor.​


----------



## chubby_austrian_gal (Sep 4, 2008)

dear ....
why don't you love me?
just try to open your heart for me!
i love you


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 4, 2008)

Dear Matt-
I'm really glad things turned around. I had so much fun last night... I can't believe i actually fell off your bed from laughing so much.  And you always text me at the perfect times  I'm glad you had fun at the coast, but I'm even gladder (I know that's not even a word...) that you're back in town.

Can't wait til Saturday :wubu:
-Samantha

P.S. Sorry my nephew commandeered the dolphin you gave me... oh well.  LOL


Dear hemodynamics quiz-
Tomorrow morning, it's on. Two of us will go into that room, but only one will come out victorious. I'll give you a hint- it won't be you.
- Sam


Dear cardiology exam-
It's you and me on Monday. You're totally going down. Just wait til you see what I do to your buddy, Hemodynamics. You'll be shakin' in your Swan-Ganz catheter.
-Sam



Dear Israel-
I totally miss you. I'm really thinking about coming back in Feb. We shall see.
-Shifra


----------



## Duniwin (Sep 4, 2008)

Dear Heavenly Bodies Labor Day 2008 folks,

I miss you already.

-Andy


----------



## Beckoo (Sep 4, 2008)

Dear pockets,

I am sorry my hips are so big and every time I go through a door your mouth/ass/vagina (not sure what orifice a pocket would be) gets ripped by that damn intrusive no boundary having doorknob! I try to sew you back up but you look stupid. Sorry.

Love, Rebecca

Dear doorknobs,

Screw you!!!!

Rebecca


----------



## Chimpi (Sep 4, 2008)

Dear Hurricane Ike:

Fuck off. Die. Be gone. Don't come this way. Eat shit and die.
Don't you fucking dare...

Kthxbi,
Pissed off Florida resident.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear B:

I know you're going through a rough time right now and clinging to the two guys who give you some semblance of stability. One is Distant Guy With a Potential Future, the other is Convenient Penis Dude. I ran both of them through my Douchebag-Futuro-Phantasmatron (patent pending) and so far DGWPF is near the baseline, while CPD fried two banks of RAM--in other words: That's no douche, it's a Massengil Station. 

Your "need" for CPD's PP is going to seriously fuck everything up for all parties involved. CPD already gave you one STD scare because he couldn't keep his PP on the QT, so please, let's not tempt statistics or my skill with acronyms. This post canna take much more o' them, Captain.

86 CPD ASAP and focus on the one who matters. I'm usually spot-on with my Asshat Detection Skills, so please don't let me be proven right in this instance.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear T:

I've been trying to get a hold of you for two days since your little nephew passed. I don't know what you did with your Myspace in that time, but I know you modded it all to be damned; the new theme and the 20 embedded YouTube videos of sorrow and loss are crashing every fucking browser I throw at it. I'm about ready to install Ubuntu at this point and make a burnt offering of floppy disks and prOn to the Shockwave Flash Gods.

Gonna try email and a browser at work tmw and hope to get through. I need to know where to send a donation. I am sure your mind must be going absolutely bugfuck over all this, but you have a friend here who wants to talk when you're ready.

Sincerely,

Someone who feels rather useless right about now.


----------



## mossystate (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear TraciJo,


WDYGYFABHATSRTGFHFM


Love and shit, 


MossyThing


:kiss2:


----------



## Haunted (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear Mossy, 

I wanted to rep for your new avatar 

But alas i must spread some around like a VD before i can give you anymore!!!!!


----------



## KendraLee (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear Universe, 
Can you please stop throwing unexpected obstacles in my way. Things are already tough enough without you adding your 2 cents and making the situation harder. I realize patience is a virtue but after 35 years of living I think I've been patient enough. Being that you are the all powerful universe you could use your powers for good and help things go just a little bit smoother. I do realize there are a lot of demands on your time but I'm not asking for much. So what do you say we let bygones be bygones and call a truce.

Sincerely, One of your little peons here on earth


----------



## washburn (Sep 5, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear Universe,
> Can you please stop throwing unexpected obstacles in my way. Things are already tough enough without you adding your 2 cents and making the situation harder. I realize patience is a virtue but after 35 years of living I think I've been patient enough. Being that you are the all powerful universe you could use your powers for good and help things go just a little bit smoother. I do realize there are a lot of demands on your time but I'm not asking for much. So what do you say we let bygones be bygones and call a truce.
> 
> Sincerely, One of your little peons here on earth




Dear peon,
seeing as this is your 333rd post, and that three is the magic number. I bestow this link upon you, spend the following hour and a half reflecting on its wisdom. You are never a peon, never was or will be. We are all creators of circumstance, choice and fate. The first step is to ask, The universe will provide.

http://dreamerlexics.blogspot.com/2008/02/secret-movie-online-streaming.html 

Yours truly,
the universe.


----------



## Pixelpops (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear place I work for.

Why in Gods name haven't you paid me?

Two weeks ago I called and asked why I hadn't been paid for work I did over a month ago, and you PROMISED, I would be paid today. 

Where is my money?! I have rent to pay, and I can't afford to be fucked around by you anymore!

Irate Worker.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Sep 5, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Dear Hurricane Ike:
> 
> Fuck off. Die. Be gone. Don't come this way. Eat shit and die.
> Don't you fucking dare...
> ...



What he said.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear person who prank called me last night at 3am,

What the hell? Time for a recap. 

*phone rings and I pick up*

Me: .. Hello .. ??

Caller: Sup?

Me: Who is this?

Caller: KID, IS THIS PLAY?

Me: uhhh wha? 

Caller: HOUSE PARTY

*click*

Not even mad for being woken up, 

Justin


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear politics,

piss off!


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Sep 5, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear person who prank called me last night at 3am,
> 
> What the hell? Time for a recap.
> 
> ...


This is when I reach for the airhorn. It is 100% effective 50% of the time.

Usually when I get a call at 3am, I do this: "You have reached the XXX Police Department After Hours Emergency Line. All calls are recorded and monitored for quality assurance. If you are a dumbass, press 1. If you want to know what I've done wit yo bitchez, press 2. If you believe you have reached this number in error, please hang up and never dial my FUCKING NUMBER AGAIN!"


----------



## No-No-Badkitty (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear Lottery,

Why haven't you allowed me to win you yet. There is a GTO small block with my name on it down the road that would really look good with my ass sitting in it and my boobs waving in the wind.
Get the lead out.
Your's truly...


----------



## Michelle Mayhem (Sep 5, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear subconscious,
> 
> What the fuck was with that dream last night?
> 
> ...



I just spit tea all over my monitor, lol! 

-------------------------------------------
Dear Boyfriend,

I love you, but it's time to step up to the plate and prove I'm still worth something to you. I'm not a cheater, but I do have other applicants, and I'll fire you if I need to. 

- Michelle


----------



## KendraLee (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear Universe, 
You sure do manage to keep life interesting. Thankyou for your mysterious ways. You always manage to excite and intrigue.
sincerely, still a peon among peons

P.S. I'll keep my end of the bargain as long as you keep yours


Dear Washburn, 
Thanks for pointing out the significance of it being my 333rd post. I consulted my book the Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom and was thrilled to see the Universe giving me another sign.
Sincerely, Happy being a peon


----------



## gwydion (Sep 5, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear subconscious,
> 
> What the fuck was with that dream last night?
> 
> ...



Dear Bewildered Browncoat,

Your request has been approved. In future sex sessions, you will be visited not by a naked Sean Connery, but instead by a naked Dwight from ``The Office'' (the character, not the actor.) Together you and he will subsequently discuss the finer points of animal husbandry while gently massaging each other's ankles.

Don't ask me why it turned out this way - I'm as bewildered as you.



Love,

Your Subconscious 

(PS: recent VP choices will result in an increase in shrill librarian fantasies. Note however that at the moment of climax, there is a 50% chance of her turning into a pasty white old man. Roll the dice!)


----------



## Blackjack (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear Joe,

You're awesome.

-Kevin


Dear _Heroes _Season One Disc 1:

CURSE YOU AND YOUR CLIFFHANGERS.

I hate that. Especially when the video store isn't open until tomorrow morning. 

-Frustrated Beej


----------



## olwen (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear Vidal Sassoon, 

I've seen your commercial for you conveniently packaged hair styling appliances and quess what. I don't approve. Fair? Normal? Course? So now all black people have abnormal hair??!!?? We are not normal to you? Even if these words are thrown around in your industry like so much confetti it's not a good marketing move. And granted, the concept is good, but it's lost in the translation. Good job vidal sassoon, you just alienated billions of people. There is an entire continent full of people who would disagree with you and your overpriced conveniently packaged hair styling mierda. 

signed,
angry black person with perfectly good hair

Dear Final Cut, 

Yeah I watched your show, but only because Project Runway was the lead in and there was just nothing else on. Lemmie tell you something - I was pissed off about how of all the episodes I watched I didn't see not one black person. What is our hair too challenging for the average stylist? Is our hair sooo difficult that making it look good just isn't worth the effort. Hey Bravo, listen up. You really want to do a hair show then do a black hair show, and I don't just mean any old styling contest, I mean do a show where the final challenge leads up to the annual Golden Scissors competition. Now THAT would be a show.

signed, 
angry black person with hair that's good enough for your stupid borderline racist show


----------



## ekmanifest (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear Admiral Snackbar,

Can you run some people through your Douchebag-Futuro-Phantasmatron for me?

txmuch,

ek


----------



## olwen (Sep 5, 2008)

Dear H., 

I know this was two weeks ago, but I'm still kinda mad about how you skipped out on me and M on her birthday. I know you had a family obligation but still...Had you been with us you could have protected me from the pushy sleazy guy who just wouldn't leave me alone. And then when I tell you about it your response is, well, that happens to girls all the time. Yeah duh-duh, I know it does. The point is you still coulda kept the jerk away. Sometimes I just need you to just be the protector/alpha male because well, you're it till I find somebody else to fill that role. So next time some guy makes untoward and unwanted advances at me and you are nearby just you know, threaten to kick his ass or something k? Love ya.

sincerely, 

C.


----------



## olwen (Sep 5, 2008)

ekmanifest said:


> Dear Admiral Snackbar,
> 
> Can you run some people through your Douchebag-Futuro-Phantasmatron for me?
> 
> ...




Yeah Snacks, where were you some three months ago when I really needed your Douchebag-Futuro doohickey? Get movin on that patent arready.


----------



## Haunted (Sep 6, 2008)

Dear Misty, 

Thank You Thank You Thank You, For surprising me and Flying out 2 weeks early to spend a whole Month here with me.... You have Made my Year I love you So much. It's so amazing to have you here by my side everyday.

Dear Lisa, 

Thank you for conspiring with Misty to help her plan this trip and surprise Me You Really are the best Sister in the world!!!


----------



## washburn (Sep 6, 2008)

Haunted said:


> Dear Misty,
> 
> Thank You Thank You Thank You, For surprising me and Flying out 2 weeks early to spend a whole Month here with me.... You have Made my Year I love you So much. It's so amazing to have you here by my side everyday.
> 
> ...




May the Fonz be with you both......


----------



## KHayes666 (Sep 6, 2008)

Dear Lizy,

I dreamt we had our wedding last night. Everyone got along, nobody fought and we had an incredible time together. This could have been real if I wasn't so stupid and you weren't so stubborn.....damn.

-K


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 6, 2008)

Dear mom-

Um...so, I forgot to tell you, but I'm having 10 people come over in about 5 hours... and the house is sort of a mess... and we don't have any snacks or anything like that.

So yeah...

-Your favorite oldest daughter

-----

Dear Richie-

You really really suprise me sometimes. I can't believe you still have that piece of crap ring I made you like 2 or 3 years ago from my jewelery making class. I thought you said it broke, but I saw it on your bathroom counter yesterday. 

We joke that your heart is a ball of concrete, iced over, with nails sticking out but I'm pretty sure you have a small, itty bitty defrosted part just for me.  If only you weren't such a jerk all the time. 

Love you, best friend-
- Sammy

-----

Dear Nic Nac-

I'm so glad we got to just chill last night. I feel like we haven't done that since before the summer. School is crazy for both of us, but I'm really glad you finally moved back into normal civilization, instead of out in BFE where you used to be.

-Ham

-----

Dear MASA-

I wish you had an Israel internship for nurses... but it's either MDs or CNAs. You go from one end of the spectrum all the way to the polar opposite. Maybe you could work something out for me.  And while we're on the topic of help, if you could maybe drop your tuition price, that would be PHENOMENAL.

Toda rabah-
Shifra


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Sep 7, 2008)

Dear Weather:

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY
COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY
NOT SO LITTLE CHICKIE WANTS TO PLAY!

Kthxbye!

Me


----------



## mimosa (Sep 7, 2008)

Dear teen girls from the public library,


Damn...you are really smelly....and NOT in a good way. Please take a shower before coming to the library. 



Thanks,

Cute fat chick that smells great.


----------



## Blackjack (Sep 7, 2008)

Dear....


____: You're so damn beautiful that it hurts. I honestly believe that you must be some sort of angel.

Tom: What you need is not a motorcycle, it's a good therapist. The medication isn't helping much, either. It might dull the pain, but you've become utterly worthless. You hardly even lift up your feet when you walk. I know it hurts, where you are right now, but you got friends who care about you and it hurts us to see you this way.

SCSU: I'm payin' off the damn loan. You know this, I know this, the loan people know this. So release my damn transcript already! I wasn't able to attend another college this semester (a cheaper, bettre one at that) like I wanted because you're being jackasses about the whole thing.

Co-workers: Most of you are lazy. Lazier than a good amount of my graduating class. This doesn't mean I don't like you. This means that there's times when I'm sick and tired of busting my ass to do my work and yours and I want to beat the shit out of you.


----------



## fatgirlflyin (Sep 7, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear....
> 
> 
> ____: You're so damn beautiful that it hurts. I honestly believe that you must be some sort of angel.



Dear Kevin, 

That's a very sweet thing to say, one day I hope you tell her this.


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 7, 2008)

Dear Jim's-
Thanks for having phenomenal coffee and ginormous tables, perfect for rattled students 
- The Nursing Student in the Corner

P.S. Sorry I paid all in change :blush: Whatever. Money is money.


----------



## Chimpi (Sep 8, 2008)

Dear Kevin,

I know the feeling of wanting to beat the shit out of co-workers for the very same reason(s). It happens almost daily here and I have yet to figure out how to cope. I am just glad I can use my iPod as much as I want at work. That saves me so much more heartache.

Maybe we'll both catch a break and kicking co-workers in the balls will be legal.

Justin

--------------------------------

Dear R,

You got me sick you asstard.
When you blow your nose, wash your hands after ward! Hell, there are *seven* benches with rubbing alcohol on them! Spray your hands afterward!
When you're sick, wash your hands before you use the computer that everyone else uses! Hell, there are *seven* benches with rubbing alcohol on them! Spray your hands before hand!
When you're sick, wash your hands before you touch a customers instrument! Hell, there are *seven* benches with rubbing alcohol on them! Spray your hands before hand!
When you're sick, don't stand over your co-workers whilst they are eating. Nor is it considerate to stand over your co-workers (to watch what they're doing) when they're working! Germs spread. The farther you stay away, the better it'll be for the rest of us!
When you're sick, cover your fucking mouth when you cough or sneeze! If you use your hand to cover your mouth/nose, _wash your hands afterward!_
Had you done any/all of these, you might have saved me the grief of getting sick, too!

Sincerely,
The co-worker that washes his hands constantly whilst sick and makes sure to keep his sickness to himself!

P.S. That is not to say that I/we won't get sick anyway, but considerate prevention is very considerate!


----------



## LoveBHMS (Sep 8, 2008)

Dear Customers-

If you didn't know this, waiters earn money via tips. In order to earn a lot of money, I need to turn tables quickly. Parking your ass in my section for three hours is effing rude, because I can not seat anyone else at that table. You know how I kept swinging by your table and cheerfully asking if you wanted anything else? That was code for "LEAVE NOW".

L.

Dear Cute Fat Coworker-

Flirting with you is getting exhausting. Would you please hit on me already? I want to make out with you.

L.


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Sep 8, 2008)

Dearest mother:

I understand your urge to try and shelter your children from bad news. But when you just happen to let the word "divorce" slip into the conversation that was already bad news to begin with, I'm well aware of how serious the situation really is. Treat me like an adult once in a while and tell me what's really going on.

Obediently,
Your youngest


----------



## JiminOR (Sep 8, 2008)

Dear LoveBHMs

If he hasn't made a move yet, he probably ain't going to. He probably thinks that there is no remote possibility that you would be interested. If you think he's cute, how about you ask him out. Seriously. It's perfectly acceptable in this day and age. Get to it. 

sincerely

the year 2008


----------



## KaliCurves (Sep 8, 2008)

My Darling, 

I had one of the best weekends of my life. I love you and Your Daughter. I like your family and friends. I so wish my girls could have been here to share it all. They was the only things missing from this wonderful weekend. I love you to the ends of the earth, more then all the sand on the beach, and all the fishes in the sea..... and in cat bowls too, LOLOL MUAH MUAH MUAH!


----------



## Surlysomething (Sep 8, 2008)

Dear R


Could you get any hotter?

Damn!

:eat2::smitten:

T


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 8, 2008)

Dear Chimpi,

I loved seeing you use the word asstard.

That is all

Sincerely, Green Eyed Fairy


----------



## Mathias (Sep 9, 2008)

Dearest me,

This communications paper assigned by your instructor is an easy A. Like ridiculously easy, like "final boss of Super Mario Sunshine" easy. Finish it, and you can sleep for the next 10 or so hours tomorrow after class. (Hopefully) And calm down for God's sake! Working for the school paper won't be that hard! Just ask the editors for help. They were in your shoes once, so they can relate. 

-Brain


----------



## washburn (Sep 9, 2008)

Dear Hunny,

*I loooove you so much*:wubu:, yet again, you sneaky sneak!! This time you did yourself one for the record books, _*First you travel 4000 miles away from me to North Carolina, Then on a complete whim, disappear from Yahoo, and show up at my door the next day!!!*_ OMG you are so fucking amazing:wubu::wubu:, ya still didn't give me any notice, I was just outta the shower, barely dressed and my apartment in bachelor mode. Ya knocked my socks off!! You can pull me from being in the down in the dumps, to cloud nine in 2.5 seconds. You beautiful amazing woman, you are my soulmate, and no matter what life we are in we will always find each other. *Our love is a brick wall that will not bend to the whims of this world. We are going to have an amazing future!*

Always and forever, your lover and soulmate,
Dave.
*
P.S. This post is the perfect one to let the cat outta the bag  but only when your good and ready, I know your shy, I'm all giddy ya told your family, mines gonna know too I just gotta formulate the perfect words as well <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3.*


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 9, 2008)

Dear me-

Its okay to feel the way that you do, don't let anyone tell you any different. Sometimes the best way to get rid of an issue is to think and contemplate. Learn from the things that have happened, grow from your experiences, and in the long run you will be a better person for having had the experience. You are already a nice, intellectual, kind person...so take that and hold dear to it.
Love, Me.


----------



## TCUBOB (Sep 10, 2008)

Dear LoveBHMS:

Men, much like Barbie once said about math, are hard. 


Um, to figure out, that is. 

If you play games with us, it better be HALO 3 and not "I'm going to have an elaborate plan at the end of which he'll ask me out."

Men have elaborate plans for watching sports, drafting fantasy sports teams and what reading material to take to the bathroom (preferably sports-related. Getting a theme yet? Two words: Cheerleader outfit). 

Other than that....we're kinda tapped out on the whole elaborate plan thing. Creating or recognizing.



LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Customers-
> 
> If you didn't know this, waiters earn money via tips. In order to earn a lot of money, I need to turn tables quickly. Parking your ass in my section for three hours is effing rude, because I can not seat anyone else at that table. You know how I kept swinging by your table and cheerfully asking if you wanted anything else? That was code for "LEAVE NOW".
> 
> ...


----------



## Famouslastwords (Sep 10, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear....
> 
> 
> ____: You're so damn beautiful that it hurts. I honestly believe that you must be some sort of angel.



What girl wouldn't just love to be her right now?


----------



## Buttons (Sep 11, 2008)

Dearest Adam,
Thank you for coming to see me tonight. It was so good to see you after so long. You haven't changed a bit and it's strangely comforting. You know you will always mean the world to me and don't wait 2 years to come again.

Love,
me

Bill,
Knock your crap off. The lies and guilt trips are getting to be a bit much. & frankly, I am sooo over falling for your games.

L.

Chris,
Please don't tell me this is how things are going to be. We have been such great friends and a great team! Our daughter needs for us to get along...and I need it, too.

L.

Dear Sleep,
Why must you evade me? I need you after a day like today.

A cranky, sleepy girl


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 11, 2008)

Dear 5:30 AM-
You suck.
-Sam

-----

Dear clinical paperwork-
You suck.
-Sam

-----

Dear printer-
Please don't suck.
-Sam


----------



## furious styles (Sep 11, 2008)

dear sleep : you are a fleeting whore


----------



## runningman (Sep 11, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> dear sleep : you are a fleeting whore



I actually thought that said 'dear sheep : you are a fleeting whore'


----------



## Blackjack (Sep 11, 2008)

dear sheep : you are a fleecy whore


----------



## runningman (Sep 11, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> dear sheep : you are a fleecy whore



Get away from my sheep.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Sep 11, 2008)

Because I am a 'tard I google image searched "sheep whore"

WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN, CANNOT BE UNSEEN.


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (Sep 11, 2008)

dear sheep : you are a bleating whore.
baa


----------



## out.of.habit (Sep 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Because I am a 'tard I google image searched "sheep whore"
> 
> WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN, CANNOT BE UNSEEN.



Dear BGB, 

MY EYES! Aaaahhhhgrrrrrggaaaaayyyaaah.

<3
Ooh





PS: I know you tried to sound out "Aaaahhhhgrrrrrggaaaaayyyaaah."


----------



## JiminOR (Sep 11, 2008)

Dear BGB, make sure that you never look up things like cakefarts, 2girls1cup, mr hands, lemonparty, goatse, or tubgirl. Not unless you want to bleach your eyes and scrub out your brain. 

Jim


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Sep 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Because I am a 'tard I google image searched "sheep whore"
> 
> WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN, CANNOT BE UNSEEN.


So many sheep...so little time.

or the joke "COME TO MONTANA. Where men are men, and sheep are nervous"


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Sep 11, 2008)

out.of.habit said:


> Dear BGB,
> 
> MY EYES! Aaaahhhhgrrrrrggaaaaayyyaaah.
> 
> ...



I did attempt to make that noise. Multiple times. Some one knocked on my door and was all like "are you in there Bobcat Goldwaith?!" and I was like









JiminOR said:


> Dear BGB, make sure that you never look up things like cakefarts, 2girls1cup, mr hands, lemonparty, goatse, or tubgirl. Not unless you want to bleach your eyes and scrub out your brain.
> 
> Jim



The worst is when some one put an image of lemonparty INSIDE of Goatse. NOT COOL! 




Admiral_Snackbar said:


> So many sheep...so little time.
> 
> or the joke "COME TO MONTANA. Where men are men, and sheep are nervous"



Holy shit. I just google image searched MONTANA.

The internet is FUCKED up.


----------



## Santaclear (Sep 11, 2008)

Dear fleece: 
You are white as snow.


----------



## Rowan (Sep 11, 2008)

Dear sleeping brain,

what was up with that lorraine from Madtv like kid in my dream last night that made me wake myself up with the snort like laugh almost 4 times in a row? What the hell is up with that?

- tired


----------



## Rowan (Sep 11, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> I did attempt to make that noise. Multiple times. Some one knocked on my door and was all like "are you in there Bobcat Goldwaith?!" and I was like
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Hey..i was born and raised in Montana and i can say with confidence that the sheep thing is north dakota...NOT MONTANA. 

So piss off


----------



## Mathias (Sep 11, 2008)

Dear Stunningly Drop Dead Gorgeous Girl I saw today,

Yeah.... um... :smitten::smitten::smitten::smitten::smitten::smitten:

-Matt :blush:


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Sep 11, 2008)

Rowan said:


> Hey..i was born and raised in Montana and i can say with confidence that the sheep thing is north dakota...NOT MONTANA.
> 
> So piss off


This guy would like to have seen Montana  

View attachment 420montana1.jpg


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 11, 2008)

This was for Lemonparty............I love to save that one for all of the special people that I come across.......  

View attachment Lmemon party.JPG


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Sep 11, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> This guy would like to have seen Montana



Dear Admiral, sir:

It took me three times looking at this picture to finally get it. As it is one of my favorite movies, I am ashamed. May Sean Connery have mercy on me... And damn that cook!

Not the fastest torpedo...
Me


----------



## Carrie (Sep 12, 2008)

JiminOR said:


> Dear BGB, make sure that you never look up things like cakefarts, 2girls1cup, mr hands, lemonparty, goatse, or tubgirl. Not unless you want to bleach your eyes and scrub out your brain.
> 
> Jim


The worst thing about that one is, had you asked me yesterday if I'd like to attend a lemon party, I would have been delighted, because it _sounds_ like it involves lemonade and finger sandwiches and fancy little cookies and parasols and such. 

Now I know there's really not anything fancy about a lemon party at all.


----------



## Blackjack (Sep 12, 2008)

Blackjack_Jeeves said:


> Dear Admiral, sir:
> 
> It took me three times looking at this picture to finally get it. As it is one of my favorite movies, I am ashamed. May Sean Connery have mercy on me... And damn that cook!
> 
> ...



I'm still missing something.

Although I do recognize that it's Brian Thompson.


----------



## Shala (Sep 12, 2008)

Carrie said:


> The worst thing about that one is, had you asked me yesterday if I'd like to attend a lemon party, I would have been delighted, because it _sounds_ like it involves lemonade and finger sandwiches and fancy little cookies and parasols and such.
> 
> Now I know there's really not anything fancy about a lemon party at all.



Dear Carrie,

You look so pretty in your avatar.

Shala


----------



## Carrie (Sep 12, 2008)

Shala said:


> Dear Carrie,
> 
> You look so pretty in your avatar.
> 
> Shala


Oh, Shala, thank you, sweet girl!


----------



## vardon_grip (Sep 12, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> I'm still missing something.
> 
> Although I do recognize that it's Brian Thompson.



The photo is of Sam Neill in Hunt For Red October as Capt. Vasili Borodin who says midway through the movie...

Borodin: I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that? 

Later he is shot and as he dies he says...

Borodin: I would like to have seen Montana. 

_"...And I will marry a round American woman..."_
Borodin is an FA!


----------



## KaliCurves (Sep 12, 2008)

*Dear June,

Thank you for finally seeing that I can and will make your son happy. Thank you for coming to terms that I'm not some monster from California who wants to tear your family apart, that is the last thing I want to do. I want to make a life with OUR families as one. Believe it or not you remind me a lot of my mom. You both are strong, opinionated, pig headed women, who dont like to budge from there opinions. But thank you for budging this time. I meant what I said I promise to make him happy. I love him with all of me, and I love his daughter too. Like was said last night we are 2 shy of the brady bunch maybe those 2 will be twin boys?!? One can only wish.....

Much Love & Thanks
Your Future Daughter In Law,
Misty

P.S. Thank you for the best birthday present I have ever gotten. Your approval.

*


----------



## Blackjack (Sep 12, 2008)

vardon_grip said:


> The photo is of Sam Neill in Hunt For Red October...



Ah! I see it now.

I swear he looks like Brian Thompson there. Maybe I've just OD'ed on _X-Files_.

In other news, I have to see that movie.


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 12, 2008)

Dear respondants from online dating service--
Thank you for responding to my ad. PLEASE READ the WHOLE freaking ad before responding. I clearly stated what I was looking for and 18 & 64 year old men isnt it. Yes, I am a big girl...and no I wont send you anymore pics. If the pics on my myspace arent enough to entice you to take me on a date--I hardly think that a pic of me in a bathing suit, bra, or naked will do the trick either. No I will not turn on my cam for you so that you can wank to the sight of a really fat chick. I am not your own private webcam chat girl..and I wont talk sex with you just cos you think that is what "everybody else does". Get a life and learn some online etiquette, courtesy and manners. I'll stick with the guys who are interesting, kind, polite and ask me questions other than, "what do you weigh? how big are you? what are your measurements?"
A sincere thank you from your friendly neighborhood fat chick, Terri


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 12, 2008)

Dear Ike-
So, apparently you'll be visiting me sometime within the next 12 hours or so... and I'm smack in the middle of Texas. I'm pretty sure we'll just be getting a little bit of rain, but everyone is freaking out, saying we'll be getting 100 mph winds and stuff. I think you're all talk and no game. San Antonioans don't know how to prepare for a disaster, so people are prepping for the worst.
I'll be wearing my golashes, but I'm not battening down the hatches.
-Samantha
P.S. My friends in Houston would like me to tell you that you effin suck, you ass bag.

-----

Dear Cody-
Best.flirt.ever.

Too bad you're just playing around.... or are you?
-Samantha

-----

Dear creepy cath lab tech-
No, I will not "donate my uterus" for baby *#7*. 

No, I don't want to help you with a genetics experiment and see if you can produce a kid with blue eyes.

No, I don't want to see where your tattoos are- if I can't see them when you're wearing clothes, I don't need to see them at all.

-Samantha


----------



## ValentineBBW (Sep 12, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Dear respondants from online dating service--
> Thank you for responding to my ad. PLEASE READ the WHOLE freaking ad before responding. I clearly stated what I was looking for and 18 & 64 year old men isnt it. Yes, I am a big girl...and no I wont send you anymore pics. If the pics on my myspace arent enough to entice you to take me on a date--I hardly think that a pic of me in a bathing suit, bra, or naked will do the trick either. No I will not turn on my cam for you so that you can wank to the sight of a really fat chick. I am not your own private webcam chat girl..and I wont talk sex with you just cos you think that is what "everybody else does". Get a life and learn some online etiquette, courtesy and manners. I'll stick with the guys who are interesting, kind, polite and ask me questions other than, "what do you weigh? how big are you? what are your measurements?"
> A sincere thank you from your friendly neighborhood fat chick, Terri



Dear respondents from online dating service

I must concur with "neighborhood fat chick Terri". Seriously guys, get with the program.

Sincerely,

another friendly neighborhood fat chick.


----------



## mszwebs (Sep 12, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> I'm still missing something.
> 
> Although I do recognize that it's Brian Thompson.



What? Beej misses a movie reference??? Mark this day! 



Blackjack_Jeeves said:


> Dear Admiral, sir:
> 
> It took me three times looking at this picture to finally get it. As it is one of my favorite movies, I am ashamed. May Sean Connery have mercy on me... And damn that cook!
> 
> ...





vardon_grip said:


> The photo is of Sam Neill in Hunt For Red October as Capt. Vasili Borodin who says midway through the movie...
> 
> Borodin: I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that?
> 
> ...



Also one of MY favorite movies... though Sean Connery speaking russian with his native accent is slightly painful.

Ahh well. 


Damn it. I fucking love that movie.


----------



## Pixelpops (Sep 12, 2008)

Dear friends who take the piss.

I know you're broke, but so am I. Petrol prices are outrageous, and I can't afford to pay £10 for a trip I don't really want to make, but will do because you're my friend. 

If you're going to offer me petrol money, please give me petrol money. Don't give me £3 and think thats enough. I know it sounds petty, but I can't afford it >_< 

Thank you,

Your ever loving, if a little poorer than she'd like, Friend xx


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Sep 13, 2008)

vardon_grip said:


> The photo is of Sam Neill in Hunt For Red October as Capt. Vasili Borodin who says midway through the movie...
> 
> Borodin: I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that?
> 
> ...


 I officially collect one free Internet from all of you misguided movie fans.


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 13, 2008)

Dear niece who knocked on my br door to give me the LAST donut while I was in my bestest deepest sleep ever--

Im so lucky that you thought about me today. Yes, I was a little frustrated when you woke me up out of the soundest sleep that I have had in weeks--but the fact that you thought of me made all the difference. It was a kind and thoughtful act and I need to remind myself that special needs kids think like that. They act out of love...and do things that might frustrate you every now and again, but they always have the best intent in mind. I'll forego some of the best sleep EVER to get a big hug (and a donut)from you. Thanks Nurahbird!

Aunt Tay


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Sep 14, 2008)

Dear State Lottery

You failed me...again. Why can't I catch even a piece of you??

Financially Frustrated,

Me


----------



## CAMellie (Sep 14, 2008)

Dear M,

The gloves are off! Stay away from me...or I'll kick your ass. Seriously.

Mellie


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 14, 2008)

My dearest Mother Nature--
Enough already with the hard freaking rain! We are not Noah...we do not own an arc. It is not our greatest pleasure to have to mop out the basement from all the overflow that you have sent. PLEASE STOP now, cos they don't make scuba gear for ssbbw's my size and Indiana is not a surfing state.
Sincerely yours,
Waterlogged in Indiana :doh:


----------



## Suze (Sep 14, 2008)

dear angry woman
saying: "thanks for ruining my evening, BITCH." is *not* making that drink stain any smaller (unfortunately).

it is not like i did it on purpose...cheer the fuck up.

-I


----------



## Paquito (Sep 14, 2008)

Dear ******

You're really starting to chap my ass. All you do is complain to me about your love life. Blah blah blah, its the same crap different day with you, and its gotten real old. Now don't get me wrong, I love it when friends talk to me about their problems because I love to help with them, but when it gets to the point where the only reason you talk to me is to talking about your problems is where I draw the line. You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Yo


Dear all my former English teachers,

I know I just disgraced you all with the ridiculously long sentence above, my bad.

Still-in-summer Student


----------



## Red (Sep 14, 2008)

susieQ said:


> dear angry woman
> saying: "thanks for ruining my evening, BITCH." is *not* making that drink stain any smaller (unfortunately).
> 
> it is not like i did it on purpose...cheer the fuck up.
> ...





Dearest Soooooz


Shoulda thrown the rest of it over the miserable so and so's head. 

<3

Me


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 14, 2008)

Red said:


> Dearest Soooooz
> 
> 
> Shoulda thrown the rest of it over the miserable so and so's head.
> ...




And then she could have said "How about I go ahead and ruin your tomorrow while I'm at it, C--t"


----------



## CAMellie (Sep 14, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> And then she could have said "How about I go ahead and ruin your tomorrow while I'm at it, C--t"



Chat? Chit? Cent? I don't get it?


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 14, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> Chat? Chit? Cent? I don't get it?


you do too get "it". We've heard you brag about getting "it" in the chatroom!!


----------



## CAMellie (Sep 14, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> you do too get "it". We've heard you brag about getting "it" in the chatroom!!



*exaggerated gasp of shock* I happen to be pure and untouched. So there!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 14, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> *exaggerated gasp of shock* I happen to be pure and untouched. So there!




Oh yeah me, too.


Wait....I thought this was the lie thread :doh:


----------



## Surlysomething (Sep 14, 2008)

American politics creeps me the fuck out.


Good luck with the next president. -shudder-


----------



## CAMellie (Sep 14, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Oh yeah me, too.
> 
> 
> Wait....I thought this was the lie thread :doh:



*glares and throws away all my tweezers*


----------



## olwen (Sep 14, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> American politics creeps me the fuck out.
> 
> 
> Good luck with the next president. -shudder-



Dear Surly, 

I think I speak for many americans when I say, we're scared shitless too.

frightningly yours, 

O.


----------



## Mathias (Sep 14, 2008)

Dear Matt,

Woosah. Woosah! :bow:

-Matt


----------



## Mathias (Sep 15, 2008)

Dear Flashing Fire Drill Light in my room,

Turn the FUCK off!!! 

Respectfully Pissed,

_Matt


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 15, 2008)

Dear Kelloggs~
Tonight I was hungry and decided to try your new brand of Kelloggs frosted flakes gold! They were DISGUSTING, hard, bland, tasteless (except for the cheap flavoring that you call sugar coating, which by the way tastes like what is leftover in the bottom of a can of coke 2 days after you open it.) Now, I wouldnt have minded so much about the cardboard that you cut into tiny little disgusting cereal shaped pieces, had I not put my LAST bit of 3.00 a gallon milk on it. I expect that you should not only pay me the money I WASTED on the cereal, but also for the milk, my time preparing it..the time I spent shopping for it, and also I think I deserve some punative damages for at least trying to eat that shit. PLEASE, for the love of all fat people....take that nasty shit off the market and replace it with the old stuff.
thank you, 
Disgruntled and unsatisfactorily hungry fat girl in Indiana


----------



## Mathias (Sep 15, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Kelloggs~
> Tonight I was hungry and decided to try your new brand of Kelloggs frosted flakes gold! They were DISGUSTING, hard, bland, tasteless (except for the cheap flavoring that you call sugar coating, which by the way tastes like what is leftover in the bottom of a can of coke 2 days after you open it.) Now, I wouldnt have minded so much about the cardboard that you cut into tiny little disgusting cereal shaped pieces, had I not put my LAST bit of 3.00 a gallon milk on it. I expect that you should not only pay me the money I WASTED on the cereal, but also for the milk, my time preparing it..the time I spent shopping for it, and also I think I deserve some punative damages for at least trying to eat that shit. PLEASE, for the love of all fat people....take that nasty shit off the market and replace it with the old stuff.
> thank you,
> Disgruntled and unsatisfactorily hungry fat girl in Indiana




Dear Lovelyone,

Thanks for the heads-up. I was thinking of trying those. Now I know to stick to Honey Smacks. 

-Matt


----------



## The Fez (Sep 15, 2008)

Dear uni,

can't get rid of me that easily. Bitch.

- Fez


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 15, 2008)

CAMellie said:


> *glares and throws away all my tweezers*




LIES! 







errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............MORE LIES!!


----------



## Suze (Sep 15, 2008)

dear universe

why is it that i always fall for unavailable guys?

it is not often i click with someone, but for the last month i hit it of with 2 guys. downside? both were married. i mean...married! whats the odds at a party with 30+ peeps...ooorr at a bar with only 20 something year olds

you are not supposed to be married when you are 26-28. 

(one of then suggested sex so he was maybe not that awesome anyways)


----------



## Suze (Sep 15, 2008)

dear liquor

goodbye forever.

after having the worst hangover in my life for the 6 (!) last days, i finally realise i really AM allergic. 
not even a single innocent drink is ok...

- gonna miss ya.

(honestly, i think im better off but still...)


----------



## Haunted (Sep 15, 2008)

To Whom it May Concern,

:smitten::smitten::smitten:Thank you for bringing her into My life. I finally feel whole again she is here with me for a month. soon it will be forever :smitten::smitten::smitten:


----------



## Suze (Sep 15, 2008)

Haunted said:


> To Whom it May Concern,
> 
> :smitten::smitten::smitten:Thank you for bringing her into My life. I finally feel whole again she is here with me for a month. soon it will be forever :smitten::smitten::smitten:



oh, just shut up. 

(im such a bitter bitch.)


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 15, 2008)

MattS19 said:


> Dear Lovelyone,
> 
> Thanks for the heads-up. I was thinking of trying those. Now I know to stick to Honey Smacks.
> 
> -Matt


 
Dear Matt
Honey smacks are good, but APPLE JACKS RULE!!


----------



## KHayes666 (Sep 15, 2008)

Dear James,

5 months to Cali, we're almost there dude.

-
T.R.P.


----------



## No-No-Badkitty (Sep 15, 2008)

Dear Lane Bryant,

Why do you torture me with a promise of larger bras at your lingerie store? I found one, and only one 44 F bra in the whole freaking place. Yes I can stuff my boobs into a DDD but, why, why must I?

Dear Lottery,
I still haven't won yet. Get the lead out. NOW!


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 15, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear James,
> 
> 5 months to Cali, we're almost there dude.
> 
> ...


 
Dear Kevin~
When you get there, I expect to receive a REAL california seashell in the mail from you and if you get anywhere near Ghiradelli...well you know  

Terri


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 15, 2008)

Dear tortilla lady at Alamo Cafe-

You are God's gift to German-initiated-Mexican food. I'm pretty sure I could live off of your tortillas for the rest of my life.

Please come home with me and make me endless dozens of flour tortillas.

Love you,
Samantha

-----

Dear R-

You're a douche nozzle. That's all there is to it.

-Samantha

P.S. Yeah, I'll probably be at your house tonight because I'm a freakin pushover. 

-----

Dear Matt-

Thanks for being phenomenal. :wubu:

-Princess
lol


----------



## KHayes666 (Sep 16, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Kevin~
> When you get there, I expect to receive a REAL california seashell in the mail from you and if you get anywhere near Ghiradelli...well you know
> 
> Terri



Dear Terri

What is Ghiradelli....I'm too lazy to Google it lol


-
Kevin


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 16, 2008)

Kevin my dear-

Ghirardelli is both a square in San Francisco Bay and a brand of chocolate that is made there :wubu::wubu::wubu:. I will keep keep an eye on the mail in the upcoming 6 months.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Sep 16, 2008)

Dear Cute Fat Guy at Work-

Ok...I have flirted myself into exhaustion with you and you are clearly not interested. Fine. No hard feelings. You like whatever it is you like and it's clearly not the high strung FFA who follows you around like a lovesick puppy.

I'm wondering if you'd be wiling to do something to make yourself less devastatingly sexy. For instance, you could stop exhibiting your snarky sense of humor. It makes you that much hotter to me and it makes me more depressed that you don't like me. 

Or, you could stop teasing me. I know you're just being friendly but women are trained to think that a guy teases them because he likes them and it's frustrating.

Alternately, perhaps you could lose a couple of pounds? You know how I'm always "accidentally" brushing against you and constantly poking and grabbing and mock hitting you when we talk? If you did not have those EFFING CUTE LOVE HANDLES I might be less inclined to do that stuff. If you don't want to lose weight, maybe you'd be nice enough to buy all new clothes that are a size bigger so your aformentioned love handles are not shown off so prominantly and so hot-ly.

Just trying to not feel awkward. 

Sadly,
L.

Dear TCUBOB-

Thank you for the advice about making it crystal clear to Hot fat guy that I was interested. At least I can say I tried.

Miserabley,
L.


----------



## HDANGEL15 (Sep 18, 2008)

*DEAR HIRING PERSONNEL:

I am the one you are looking for! YOU will get your $'s worth ten-fold. I will make you lots of money and do 2 peoples jobs, so you can fire some dead wood and then pay me 50% of their salary. PLEASE HIRE ME, I AM READY TO GO TO WORK TODAY, RIGHT NOW. No I am not desperate at all, I am really quite picky, but just happen to have too much fkn time on my hands today!!!!!!!

sincerely yours
a trusty responsible
multi-tasking 
angel*


----------



## Amatrix (Sep 18, 2008)

Dear Munkee

I loved your silly meows and all your silly ways of sleeping. Even if you slept on my work clothes and ate my chicken nuggest that one time- I love ya.

You were a very special cat. Literally. 

I remember the first time I saw you, when I got back from New York. You were a tiny orange skiddish thing that would crawl onto my shoulders and steal french fries.

When I was sick you would sleep on my bed, at the foot of the bed and always snuggled under the covers. I remember how you would run away from Colin * everyone really, but me*, and always make me pet you for at least an hour.

I picked on you sometimes because I thought you were stupid, but that was because you really were. Doesn't mean I don't miss you.You were my cat, a pussy super star.

Miss You
The one who brushed your tangles out and paid your medical bills.







Amatrix


----------



## JoyJoy (Sep 18, 2008)

Dear Teleflora, 

I inquired this morning around 10:00 about the status of my order and only got back a canned response. Finally, at *4:00*, I get a phone call telling me that my order cant be delivered today. My Mother only has one birthday. Its not tomorrow, its *TODAY*, which is why I ordered flowers to be sent *TODAY*. 

Im so angry I cant see straight. My mother LOVES flowers, and I spent HOURS looking at your competitors websites, trying to select an arrangement just for her, and when I saw the one I selected on your site, I knew it was the one. I ordered it on TUESDAY. Today is THURSDAY. That gave you TWO DAYS to find a florist who could make it for her and get it to her on time.and you even offer a same-day delivery promise on your website for most orders. If my order didnt fall into the most orders category, it would have been nice to know. 

I did receive a partial refund, which I do appreciate, but nothing can make up for missing my mothers birthday like this. The receipt I have for my order says Rest assured your flower order will be handled with great care. What a joke. You can rest assured that I will NOT be using your company again, and I will tell everyone I know about my experience with you. 

Have a nice day.

A Fuming Daughter


----------



## KHayes666 (Sep 18, 2008)

Dear she who shall not be named,

Tell me what it is that I'm supposed to do.
I aint here for everybody, but I aint here for you,
You said it isn't right, but you said it isn't wrong.
I wish somebody could tell me, what it is that I've done wrong.


-
Ajax


----------



## Webmaster (Sep 18, 2008)

I had a similar incidence with 1-800-flowers. Those brainiacs sent a Valentine's Day shipment UPS Ground!!! It arrived almost a week after Valentine's Day. Complaint emails resulted in robot answers. Voice calls terminated in an answering machine. A half dozen emails and two weeks later they acknowledged the problem and issued a refund. No apologies or anything. As far as I am concerned, calling a local flower shop and ordering directly through them always works best.



JoyJoy said:


> Dear Teleflora,
> 
> I inquired this morning around 10:00 about the status of my order and only got back a canned response. Finally, at *4:00*, I get a phone call telling me that my order cant be delivered today. My Mother only has one birthday. Its not tomorrow, its *TODAY*, which is why I ordered flowers to be sent *TODAY*.
> 
> ...


----------



## Haunted (Sep 18, 2008)

Webmaster said:


> I had a similar incidence with 1-800-flowers. Those brainiacs sent a Valentine's Day shipment UPS Ground!!! It arrived almost a week after Valentine's Day. Complaint emails resulted in robot answers. Voice calls terminated in an answering machine. A half dozen emails and two weeks later they acknowledged the problem and issued a refund. No apologies or anything. As far as I am concerned, calling a local flower shop and ordering directly through them always works best.



You also have to be careful with the local places i went through a local place for Graduation Roses and the where shipped Via DHL and left at the door when everyone was home for 3 hours in the california summer heat and the box was damaged and the flowers where wilted all emails and phone calls went completely ignored now i send cheesecakes LOL So far every delivery has been perfect http://www.cheesecakefantasy.com/index.htm


----------



## olwen (Sep 18, 2008)

Dear Sarah Palin, 

You scare the shit out of me. Just know you do not represnt me. You do not represent any womem I know. How can you not see that all the plans you have for the women of this country would be repressive? I do believe you could be worse than Bushie jr. At least he can fall back on this I'm-too-ignorant-attitude to take any real responsibility for all the bullshit policies he's approved, but you, you seem smarter than that, you play a better game and that's why you're so damned scary. Should you become vice president I think I'll have to consider moving to canada. 

Signed, 
A woman who likes her current freedoms

Dear Wall Stree MBA's,

I'm no good with numbers, so I don't fully understand what you've all done to this economy. All's I know is you all suck. All your greed seems to have damnded us. And now all the financial news just depresses me. Just you know, fix it and junk.

Signed, 
Working class stiff


----------



## CAMellie (Sep 19, 2008)

Dear Momma,

Please, please, PLEASE take the doctors seriously! I love you...and I'm NOT ready to let go yet.


Your best friend and "favorite" daughter,
Melanie


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 19, 2008)

Dear FAKE FA-
I want to thank you for all the wonderful compliments that you gave me. I really did appreciate them. However, I did not appreciate the filthy name calling that you resorted to when I found you out to be a married FAKE FA. During our conversations regarding what you called my "issue", you insisted that I was insecure because of my size. No matter how many times I tried to tell you that this was not the case, each and every conversation that we had you INSISTED that my insecurity about weight was the central reason why I would not date you. Of course, as a fat woman I should be honored to date you, right? For a woman like me to be draped on the arm of a moderately handsome and mildly successful man like you--that would raise me to a higher class of people, right? I mean...being with you would at a minimum raise me up to the "I am a fat girl dating an average sized person so you can accept me for the time being" category, correct? OH, and I should hop right into the sack with you so that you can fulfill your yearly quota of poundage, yes? I should take what is given me and be happy with it because no one else could POSSIBLY want to be with a really fat woman like me, right? I should just accept that you are the ONLY man on the entire planet--nay the entire universe--who would want to f*ck me...right? PLEASE learn your place in the food chain. I believe it is somewhere between amoeba and slug. 
You insisted that because I am fat...morbidly obese, I should have low self-esteem and on several occasions tried to convince me that I DID. According to you if I didnt have low self-esteem I wouldn't be alone. I would have someone in my life and be married. Well, I am here to assure you that is NOT the case. If I did have bad feelings about being a fat woman I sure in the hell wouldn't be blabbing to the whole world--on forums that can be seen by ANYONE--that I weigh 550 lbs. I certainly wouldn't have posted that luscious bathing suit shelf-booty pic in the chatroom that all the guys seem to enjoy, and I definately wouldn't have posted a pic of my TERRI-fically luscious thunder thighs in the legs thread on these same forums. Aside, I would like to say that I highly doubt that I would be eating a big bowl of double chocolate ice cream at this very moment, if I was too terribly worried about the effect it would have on my ass. I loved how you (after assuring me that you LOVED really big women) followed it up with calling me a "lazy, dirty, fat pig, cancer to life, welfare sucking c*nt" when I rebuffed you. You are really quite amusing, not to mention classy. 
I must tell you though that IF there ARE women out there whom are suffering the ill-effects of low self-esteem--they are likely to be that way because of men like you--married men who live the lie because they are afraid of what society will think about them if they come out of the perverbial fat girl closet. Yes the trouble with the size community is men like you who desire the fantasy but who wont live the reality, because God forbid someone find out that you desire the fat flesh. It would be like the black plague, no one would want to come near you. It is men like you, who have nothing better to do than troll the internet looking for innocent victims--who give REAL FA'S a bad wrap. I say that you are a coward to stay in a marriage that you claim is "unhappy" just to keep up appearances. I truly feel sad for you that you cannot live life loud and proud, the way it should be lived. 
I suggest sir, that YOU are the cancer here. You are the cancer of the size movement. You are a cancer to every single woman who falls prey to your pretty words. They do not know that you speak with a forked tongue, one side whispers to their face that "fat is beautiful" while the other side of your tongue ssssssssslinks out words like "fat disgusssssting pigssssss" while you are in the presence of the family and friends who dont know your real preference. With each flirtation that you have with some unsuspecting, big, bountiful, abundantly full, fluffy, beautiful, intelligent, kind, trusting woman--you leave a BIG BLACK mark on this and other communites. We need to remove you, cut you out like the malignant growth that you are. To quote Lady MacBeth "Out damn'd spot! Out I say!..."

Good luck living the lie, loser. I pity you.

I remain forever, unashamedly fat fat fat fat Terri.


----------



## KHayes666 (Sep 19, 2008)

Dear Terri

Your rebuttal to married old men just made my day, especially the last comment. Thanks 

-
K


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Sep 19, 2008)

I repped you already - but excellent, excellent post, Terri. Very insightful. Only one thing I would change: you gave him too much credit when you said he fell somewhere between amoeba and slug. Waaaaay too much credit.

Great job, girl. Sorry you had to come in contact with an asshole like that - but I'm glad you gave him what for.


----------



## HDANGEL15 (Sep 20, 2008)

Terri, awesome post, already REPPED you!! my turn to vent......


*DEAR HeadHunter,

When you go on and on asking me my qualifications, and I elaborate, well beyond the jobs description, don't offer me 1/2 what is deserved for that position. I have a brain and want to use it, and be paid to share it with some lucky employeer!!!!!

very truly yours,
worth every cent I offer*


----------



## Mathias (Sep 20, 2008)

Dear Math Professor,

I would rather get up early in the summer and take summer classes than deal with you. You have been giving me problems from day 1. My special accomodations form clearly states that I requre more time to take quizzes and tests. That DOES NOT mean that an extra 15 minutes will suffice just because in your opinion, a quiz should take 10 or so minutes to finish. That isn't nearly enough time for me. I don't work at the same pace that the rest of the class does. I have too much rding on this semester to risk failing your class so I'm withdrawing.

Much happier,

-Matt


----------



## washburn (Sep 22, 2008)

Dear Hunny,

I love you more than myself, and you do the same, every day you are in my life has been and will continue ti be a blessing, you make me a thousand times better of a person, I am your rock, you are my mortar. :wubu::wubu::wubu:


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 22, 2008)

Dear friend who says she doesnt visit the forums--

I sincerely hope that you feel better soon. I understand your need to get away and take time off the internet. I've been there myself. Recently, times have been hard for you and sometimes it seems that the things we want the most always seem to be the hardest to acquire. Just remember that someone out here on this big vast planet thinks the world of you. I can attest to your kindness, generousity, thoughtfulness, BIG HUGE heart, excellent sense of humor, and beauty (both inward and outward). It's a shame that some people can't see that and don't realize what they are losing by being unkind and thoughtless to you. 
You've helped me through some of the toughest times that I have ever had and I want you to know that I am here for you if you need me. As I said before...I will always be your friend through thick and thin, and I will always offer up my support to you and let you know how much of a fantastic friend you have been to me. I think that God reserves special seats in heaven for people like you. Remember when I told you that "I told you so's" suck? I prefer to hug you, tell you that you deserve better, offer up a shoulder to cry on and a t-shirt sleeve to blow your nose on (hehe um, not really, I will get you kleenex). 
Thanks for being the best friend I always needed, and the adopted sister I always wanted. 
Luv ya bunches,
Terri


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Sep 22, 2008)

Dear Dyan,

I haven't spoken to you in over 4 years, but you were one of my favorite people who worked at XXXXX XXXXX. I was deeply saddened to hear of your passing. I did not even know you were ill. RIP.

Shannon


----------



## Mathias (Sep 22, 2008)

Dear Matt,

Whatever you decide to do, just remember that YOU are your own person and that YOU are in control of your life. Don't let what anyone says try and get you down. As long as you think the right desicion will be made that's all you should be concerned with.

Now get your lazy ass back to work kid! 

-Matt


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 22, 2008)

Dear Lunchables-

Wrap*z*? Seriously? Apparently you do not know my disdain towards things that are intentionally misspelled. You are contributing to the dumb-ification of today's youth. You're a tool. 

-Someone who hates your commercials


----------



## TCUBOB (Sep 22, 2008)

Didn't you get the memo? Things with a "z" are cooler....er....coolerz!


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 23, 2008)

LOL. Yeah, soooo much kooler.


----------



## Lovelyone (Sep 23, 2008)

Terri-girl
You make the best damned midwestern fat girl grub in the world. Just sayin'!

Terri


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Sep 23, 2008)

Dear Terri,

Please come visit. I promise not to ask you to cook more than three times per day.

Love,

Me.


----------



## MissToodles (Sep 23, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear Lunchables-
> 
> Wrap*z*? Seriously? Apparently you do not know my disdain towards things that are intentionally misspelled. You are contributing to the dumb-ification of today's youth. You're a tool.
> 
> -Someone who hates your commercials



Phonetically, it doesn't even make sense, because /s/ in 'wraps' is unvoiced, because /p/ is an unvoiced consonant. But since children already substitute one consonant sound for another, this campaign does indeed suck. And who says that adding a z to anything makes it cool. Okay, add me to the haters of lunchables and similar crap.


----------



## furious styles (Sep 23, 2008)

MissToodles said:


> Phonetically, it doesn't even make sense, because /s/ in 'wraps' is unvoiced, because /p/ is an unvoiced consonant. But since children already substitute one consonant sound for another, this campaign does indeed suck. And who says that adding a z to anything makes it cool. Okay, add me to the haters of lunchables and similar crap.



youz just a hater miss toodlez


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 23, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> youz just a hater miss toodlez



Ummmmm.....that's MIZ Toodlez to youz...........


----------



## Santaclear (Sep 23, 2008)

Dear "z",

You're one of my all-time favoritest letterz. You help ze make me pluralz in modern timez. Thank you.

A caring zitizen


----------



## Buttons (Sep 23, 2008)

Dear Friend,

WTF?!?!?

Love, me


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 24, 2008)

Mi*SS* Toodle*S*- Thanks for the anti-Z support 

washburn- thanks for the anti-z support rep 

santaclear- Don't make me rep you so that horribly unmentionable things happen to your car! 

I guess this whole Anti-Z campaign might put a strain on my friendship with Zorro...


----------



## Blackjack (Sep 24, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Mi*SS* Toodle*S*- Thanks for the anti-Z support
> 
> washburn- thanks for the anti-z support rep
> 
> ...



I only oppose your Anti-Z campaign because "ombies" doesn't sound nearly as threatening, and they are indeed a very serious and dangerous threat to humanity.


----------



## furious styles (Sep 24, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> I only oppose your Anti-Z campaign because "ombies" doesn't sound nearly as threatening, and they are indeed a very serious and dangerous threat to humanity.



you're right ... ombies actually sound adorable. awww look at them lil' ombies!


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 24, 2008)

lol...


Well, in my perfect z-less world, orro and I would go to the oo in imbabwe to see the ombie ebras.


----------



## TCUBOB (Sep 24, 2008)

Zat is unacceptablez! Zat is outrageouz! Zat is un-Americanz!

Plus "soo" "Simbabwe" (sounds like it was named after the Lion King) "sebras" and "sombies" (what, do they have some sort of sleep disorder?) just don't cut ze muztard!


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Sep 24, 2008)

Dear Post office delivery person.

Can you PUH-LEEZE shut my mailbox?? I don't care for the spiders to come in with my mail!

Kthxbye


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Sep 24, 2008)

Dear ThikJerseyChik-

Even though my mail carrier shuts the mailbox door most of the time, sometimes we get lizards in there. Yeah, and everyone wonders why I refuse to go and get the mail. Spiders are yucky too. 

ScaredFloridaChick



Dear critters that go into mailboxes-

I mean really, it's not like there aren't a million other places for you to go, do you have to get in the mailbox? Cause seriously, you are just asking to get smushed. Except if you are a lizard, then you will get scared to death by the loud screaming and get a door slammed in your face.

A Postal customer


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Sep 24, 2008)

DumbAssBunny said:


> Dear ThikJerseyChik-
> 
> Even though my mail carrier shuts the mailbox door most of the time, sometimes we get lizards in there. Yeah, and everyone wonders why I refuse to go and get the mail. Spiders are yucky too.
> 
> ...



DAB - I don't mind lizzards or frogs as they EAT spiders and bugs...but I HATE BUGS!!! eewwwwwww


----------



## shinyapple (Sep 24, 2008)

Dear Former Friend -

I miss you. I miss checking in via e-mail during the day, even if it was just to ask what was for lunch. I miss your insight and jokes and enthusiasm for everything.

I'm sorry She hurt you. I tried to be there...really, I did. I still can't believe that in trying to protect you, I was accused of the opposite - trying to set you up to be hurt all over again. I was keeping an eye out so you wouldn't see something that would cause you deeper agony than you were already in. Instead, you took it as me trying to force you to look at it and cause you more pain.

What I really don't understand is how now, after what She did, you've forgiven Her and become friends again and still refuse to speak to me. I didn't lie or break your heart or deceive you. I didn't cheat on you or tear apart your family. I was your friend. 

I need you right now. I am going through something very few people in my life can relate to...except you. You've been there. You understand me and would be able to calm my fears, give me advice, cheer me on. Instead, I walk the path alone that I was one of many who supported you down years ago. Do you really think that every step of this doesn't remind me of you?

I hope you are happy. I hear you are. I think that is excellent. I only wish you could be happy as my friend again too.

Love always, 
Me


----------



## tattooU (Sep 25, 2008)

Dear Unavailable man,

Your mixed messages are sending me to the brink of insanity. The things you say, the things you do...these thoughts consume most of my waking hours. And are a wonderful distraction from the overwhelming emotional rollercoaster i am currently experiencing. 

Thank you for calling the other day. It was nice to talk to you. i hope you find another excuse to call me again soon.


----------



## olwen (Sep 25, 2008)

Dear Death Cab For Cutie, 

I love your music, but man listening to three albums in a row has now made me more sleepy than before I started. Now I know what to listen to when insomnia creeps in.

Also, Narrow Stairs is not the greatest record in your repetoir, but I won't give up on you guys yet. I still have a place in my heart for Transatlanticism, and We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes. 

Signed, 
A Big Sleepy Fan


----------



## Surlysomething (Sep 25, 2008)

Life

you really let me down this week




i'm tired of feeling tired....and sick...and tired


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Sep 26, 2008)

Dear Mother Nature-

Thank you so much for the beautiful weather we have had since yesterday. It has been lovely having the windows open and letting some fresh air in the house. Of course the bonus was the fact that the Night Blooming Jasmine bush was indeed in full bloom last night. The sweet intoxicating scent enveloped me last night and cradled me into a blissful sleep. 
I know this is only a temporary glimpse of what will be coming soon, but thank you, I really needed it and appreciate it very much.

Currently adoring you in SW Florida-

Loves a cool breeze and a sweet scent Christine


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 26, 2008)

Dear nap-

I have to reschedule our date. I'm sorry. Miss you. 

Love,
Sleepy Samantha

P.S. Give my regards to the pillows and blanket.

-----

Dear Justin-

I'm pretty sure you're like one of the worse stalkers ever. Just thought you should know. LOL

-Samantha

-----

Dear San Antonio/Schertz EMS services-

Can you lay off of NBH ER for like a half second? There were like 10 different trucks coming in all at the same time. Were we the only hospital open on the northside?! All of our beds are full and we can't admit people fast enough. Where are we gonna put in the new batch you're dropping on us?! We can't really string them from the ceilings, now can we?

It's a good thing the majority of the EMTs are cute, otherwise I'd be pissed. 

-The Stressed Nursing Student


----------



## JiminOR (Sep 26, 2008)

Dear self

It's probably a good idea to just erase this post. While you enjoyed writing all that, you will probably end up regretting it. So... erase. 

Me


----------



## mossystate (Sep 26, 2008)

I saw it. My remark was going to be....tell us how you REALLY feel.


----------



## JiminOR (Sep 26, 2008)

I'm glad someone saw it. I hope you were half as entertained reading it as I was writing it.


----------



## mszwebs (Sep 28, 2008)

Dear "*Amazing* *Mets*",


Not so Amazing after all, huh?


I'd write more, but I'm too busy celebrating the fact that we made the play offs...and you didn't.

Sorry...but not really,

A *Milwaukee* *Brewers* Fangirl







Dear *Marlins*,

I love you.

Love, 

Jessica


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Sep 28, 2008)

mszwebs said:


> Dear "*Amazing* *Mets*",
> 
> 
> Not so Amazing after all, huh?
> ...





A bit of harmless banter, but I have to chime in.

Dear Marlins:

Thanks for defeating the Mets. Even though they were in a hopeless freefall, I'd rather face the Brewers than them, as we have been one of the only teams to consistantly hit Sabathia, their "best weapon".

Your Midwestern pal,
A Cubs Fan. 



On THAT note....

Dear Carlos "Big Z" Zambrano:

I'm warning you.

Mark


----------



## cold comfort (Sep 28, 2008)

Dear Santogold:

While I love you, your music and before it was incredibly overplayed I think "LES Artistes" was a fucking phenomenal go get'em motivational tune ... I do have to say this. If your music continues to be on every automobile and car commercial to come on my television screen, I might just have to cut you loose.

RE: Everyone talking about the Brewers in some aspect,

Just sayin' ... I wouldn't mind seeing Sabathia get his ass crushed.

LOVE YA BELLA LA LA. :wubu:


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Sep 28, 2008)

Dear Mom,

I'm so mad right now. You and I have always been really close, and always open and honest with each other. Basically, you're my best friend. 

So when I turned on my car today and got blasted with cigarette ashes - I felt betrayed. It's been us against the world - and now it's your addiction against me. You PROMISED me you would not smoke in my car, and it's scary to me that you have lost so much control over your smoking that you couldn't even honor that promise (You used to be able to). You're retired now, and I think it's enabling you to smoke that much more, because you're always home, and I don't like this side of you. You know I'm allergic to smoke, and have asthma - and yet when I confronted you about this you said you "forgot" those were the reasons I didn't want you smoking in my car. I'm so dissappointed, and so disgusted, and the next time I would be taking you out for dinner to get you out of the house, I'll be getting my car detailed instead, and you are going to know that's why we're not going out. I understand it's an addiction, but your excuse that it's only your body is no longer accurate.

Your daughter, who still loves you, but hates your addiction.


----------



## KHayes666 (Sep 29, 2008)

Dear Jon Lester,

Please don't suck, you have a chance to set the tone for the series with a big game performance.


-
T.R.P.


----------



## SMA413 (Sep 29, 2008)

Dear clinical paperwork-

You kinda suck. Go away.

-Samantha


----------



## TCUBOB (Sep 30, 2008)

While we're on baseball.....

Dear Bud (and you too, Drayton): Thanks for effing my Astros. Appreciate it. Really. Because playing home games against the Cubs in Milwaukie would be like playing a home game against the Mets in Philly.

Except you could count on Philly fans to show up and boo the Astros while also throwing urine on the Mets. So it woulda been a little more fair......and they might even have cheered the Astros, along with beating up every Met fan who drove down.....



mszwebs said:


> Dear "*Amazing* *Mets*",
> 
> 
> Not so Amazing after all, huh?
> ...





Blackjack_Jeeves said:


> A bit of harmless banter, but I have to chime in.
> 
> Dear Marlins:
> 
> ...


----------



## Tooz (Sep 30, 2008)

Dear Bangor "Metro" (lol) Area:

Why is it that you train your dogs better than your spawn? Your kids scream constantly. TELL THEM TO SHUT UP OR I WILL. Your kids are not cute, they're annoying and loud.

Tooz


----------



## olwen (Sep 30, 2008)

Hey you head-cold,

Go Away! Please. 

Thank you,
O.


----------



## WhiteHotRazor (Sep 30, 2008)

Dear Man Eating Sharks,

Thank You for never deciding to feed on me when I've decided to hang out and go swimming in your hood, I realize that sometimes you get confused with us being a tasty seal since your vision isn't that great...but humans aren't really that great tasting at least that's what a man eating bengal tiger told me once. 
I will always respect the ocean dwelling death machines that you are and hopefully you will believe that I once spoke with a tiger.

Sincerely,

WHR (A Hot Glue Tasting Human)


----------



## KHayes666 (Sep 30, 2008)

Dear Dude who gave out my cell number on the internet and the person who gave it to him to begin with


You can run if you want to, run because you can't hide
So you can run if you want to, run because you can't hide

I see you don't know, who you dealin with
But I don't have it all, I'm a lunatic
Cause see society, they labelled me a threat
But I'm just gettin started, I'm not finished yet
Look me in my eyes, I can see your thoughts
All your ups and downs, all your little faults
Keep actin tough, it's gonna get creepy
All of a sudden you're startin to feel sleepy
But in these streets, when you doze off
you wake up wit'cha clothes off, ashamed feelin so lost
Whoa - you see my crew, you know my style
Victory is mine - you're goin down


----------



## WhiteHotRazor (Sep 30, 2008)

Dear WHR,

Remember to spell "seel" correctly next time unless you are speaking about the singer getting eaten by a shark

WHR


----------



## Weeze (Sep 30, 2008)

Dear Becca,

While I enjoy your friendship, please please please please do not ask me to be one of your dancers again. I am large. It is too early. I will be in pain for the rest of the day. I love you. But 8 AM is too early for a jazz class.

My Thighs and I thank you, 
Krissy


----------



## mimosa (Sep 30, 2008)

Dear F,

You showed me a new side to you....and um.....I don't know what to think.




Mims


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 1, 2008)

Dear neighbor's son,

While I applaud your many attempts to sing...please stop 'cause you suck. Sorry dude.

Wishing I was deaf when you're around,
Melanie


----------



## CleverBomb (Oct 2, 2008)

Former neighbors across the hallway who just moved out that I didn't know very well,

I do hope that the fluffy grey blue-eyed kitty that's sitting outside what used to be your door was just a frequent visitor and not actually _your_ cat. Because if you deliberately left the poor thing behind when you moved, I have nothing but contempt for you. 

-Rusty
(Situationally unable to take the li'l thing in myself, alas)


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 2, 2008)

Dear F*cktards who go into chat and use the SAME M.O. on every woman/man to entice them in to wanting/liking/lusting you: 

Do you REALLY think that the ladies/men in chat don't communicate with each other? Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. When you tell one of us that you lust us..or want to know us, we go tell our friends! We compare notes, we TALK ABOUT YOU IN PRIVATE. Do you REALLY think you are pulling one over on us? Yes, maybe there are a few naive men/women in chat who might fall for your cheap copy and paste lines, but for the most part we can tell that you are a lying.flaming sack of monkey poo. 
Get a life, read a book, learn some new lines, take a dating course, take a communication course, but PLEASE for the love of all that is holy, learn that you are not the "playa" that you think you are. 

A sincere thank you from all your past victims.


Dear Person who shall remain nameless:
I think that the mere fact that you answered my dating ad--should have been enough of a message to you that you are not interested in that other woman. To keep her hanging on your hook (knowing that she had feelings for you) without even a hint that you were not interested in her, is a VERY SHITTY thing to do. 
Because of YOU...I lost what I think could have been one of the best friendships with a woman that I might have ever had. She couldnt help that she had feelings for you..and TOLD me about them. But YOU could have let her know long ago that you were not interested in her that way. I think that you really broke her heart. She's mad at me right now cos I shared with you something that she told me in confidence. I cannot take that back, but I do regret it I only hope that she will be able to heal now and move on from you. If she never wants to be my friend again that is her decision, but I hope that she reads this and sees that I only had her best intrerest at heart by talking to her about you. As for you, I hope that you learned a lesson from all this, cos you didnt just hurt her. You hurt her, me, and yourself in the process. Im sure that you must be very proud of yourself to lead 2 women on like that. 

Grrrrrrrrrrr, Terri


----------



## mimosa (Oct 2, 2008)

Dear W


I don't understand you at all. For years when we were together....you ignored me, you didn't want to touch me, you couldn't say you loved me.....sad sad sad. 
I didn't mean to leave my phone in your car...I can't believe you checked my messages.  Then you got jealous cause I got a friendly message from a guy???!!!:doh: You did a lot worse when we were together. You could've had me if you wanted. But now you can't have me! I only have one question:........How does it feel?



M


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 2, 2008)

Dear Herald

Tonight is the last night you can ever make me mad, hit me with your best shot because this is the last time you will EVER be able to do it.

-Hayes


----------



## bexy (Oct 2, 2008)

Dear L

I am really sorry you don't have a computer. I am even sorrier that when you asked to apply for a job for you online, I wrote that you have experience in childMING instead of childMINDING. 



Forgive me?


----------



## Sugar (Oct 4, 2008)

Dear Internet Friends,

Thank you so much for your support this week. Some of you I've known my entire adult life and some for only a few years but your kindness and support has meant more to me than I could barely squeak out between sobs.

Your love has calmed my darkest fears. Thank you. 

Sarah

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Wolfie,

Words cannot say...some things never change. 

Love,
Sarah


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 4, 2008)

Dear Sarah~
I had no clue that you were going through a time of strife in your life. If I had known, I also would have offered my support. You know we miss you in chat when you aren't there. 
Big soft squishy internet friend hugs, 
Terri


----------



## Sugar (Oct 4, 2008)

Dear Lovely Terri,

Thanks so much. I hadn't really told anyone but Plumpy and Mike until yesterday.

I am thankful to have such a great friend in you. I hope I can repay your kindness one day.

:wubu:

Sarah


----------



## mossystate (Oct 4, 2008)

* swoops in and licks the left side of Sarah's face....mmmmm....salty-sweet *


----------



## Sugar (Oct 4, 2008)

mossystate said:


> * swoops in and licks the left side of Sarah's face....mmmmm....salty-sweet *



I know right about now you're feeling thankful that I don't wear makeup. :kiss2:


----------



## A Bolder Boulder FA (Oct 4, 2008)

Dear Buffs,

Please score a touchdown.

Thanks,
Boulder


----------



## FayeDaniels (Oct 4, 2008)

Dear Apartments In Toronto,

Please stop being so expensive and really gross at the same time. I don't have $2000 to spend on just rent every single month. And also please make your managers/renters less assholish. 

THANKS!

xoxo Faye


----------



## FayeDaniels (Oct 4, 2008)

Dear Roomates, 

Please stop fighting, make up, I don't want to move. : (

xoxo 

Faye


----------



## FayeDaniels (Oct 4, 2008)

Dear Boys, 

STOP BEING RETARDED!!

Thanks

Faye


----------



## sunnie1653 (Oct 4, 2008)

Dear Cubbies,

I know Game 3 isn't over yet, but thanks, in advance, for being a bunch of half-assed lazy fucktards. You rock ass all year then playoffs come and you forget how to fucking play baseball, you all need to get your heads knocked together. That is, after you pull them out of your asses.

A VERY disgruntled Cubs fan.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 5, 2008)

Dear People Who Use Entertainment Coupons at my restaurant that give you a free entree:

You are supposed to tip on *what the bill was before we deducted the free entree.* Tipping on the lower check shows you to be a cheap asshole. Example: You and your spouse each order a $21 entree. The bill comes to $42. You tip on the $42, NOT the $21 it becomes after you use the coupon.

L.

Dear Management:

Can we please not have a Kids Menu anymore? It encourages the people who come in and allow their little germfactories to toss cut up chicken fingers all over the place.

L.

Dear Many Customers:

The term "suggested gratuity" is a euphmism. You're supposed to tip 20% and if you "can't afford" to do that, eat someplace cheaper.

Also, stop asking me what the rail brand of different drinks are. I don't know. The bartenders don't know. The whole purpose of rail drinks is you're getting some no name cheap crap. Trust me, whatever brand it is you've never heard of it.

And while we're on the subject of drinks, beer on tap comes in a pint glass. No, we don't have anything 'smaller', it's not frozen yogurt, it's beer. I can't serve it to you in a highball glass and charge you less.

Lastly, prefacing every single request with the words "when you get a chance...." does not make you seem more polite. Of course I'll do it 'when I get a chance', trust me when I tell you during a Saturday night dinner rush I'm effing BUSY. You will get your straw, extra sour cream, or whatever as soon as I can humanly possibly get it for you. Telling me I can do it when I get a chance is stupid, if you didn't want it as soon as possible, you wouldn't be asking.

L.


----------



## washburn (Oct 5, 2008)

Dear Bluetooth headset,
Thank you for being so affordable, now I can talk to my hunny at work, use two hands, or pretend I am in an important call to avoid dealing with idiots. So what if I appear to be talking to myself, I do that anyways, 

DaVe,


----------



## SMA413 (Oct 5, 2008)

Dear laundry-
Can you just go away? You're really obnoxious.
-Samantha

-----

Dear Nilla cakesters-
You're pretty amazing. I could definitely form a relationship with you.
-Samantha

-----

Dear Troy-
Hmmm... maybe you are too old for me. You gotta keep up. 
-Samantha

13 (almost 14...) years isn't sooo bad?
ok... maybe it is.


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Oct 5, 2008)

mossystate said:


> * swoops in and licks the left side of Sarah's face....mmmmm....salty-sweet *



*glances over to 'sweet and salty' under user name*

Huh??


----------



## JoyJoy (Oct 5, 2008)

Dear person I love dearly even when your head is shoved so far up your own ass you can see daylight again, 

You've really blown it this time. You've skated by for so long that now you're losing the one great thing you had going for you...and I can't say I'm really surprised. I'm just profoundly disappointed and concerned about what the future holds for you now. However, I absolutely can't/won't support you in this situation. You're going to have to get yourself out of this mess. I'll be here with a hand up, though, once you're breathing clean air again. 

Love, 

Someone who loves you but knows you're capable of soooo much better.


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 5, 2008)

Dear depression:

Thanks for fucking up what could've been an awesome weekend.

-BJ


----------



## mossystate (Oct 5, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> *glances over to 'sweet and salty' under user name*
> 
> Huh??



Dear TJC, 

I said salty-sweet...not sweet and salty.

Capice?


The Mossy


----------



## bmann0413 (Oct 5, 2008)

Dear Supermarket where my "girlfriend" works,

LET HER HAVE A FEW DAYS OFF SO WE CAN FINALLY GO ON A DATE!

Lloyd


----------



## furious styles (Oct 5, 2008)

dear anon :

though sadenning in a pitiful sort of way, i can't help but find the fact that you _still_ haven't grown up entertaining. i knew you never would <3


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 5, 2008)

Dear Mina,

Let go! He's too old, and so are you, for all this bullshit. You're hurting him and that's hurting me. 

Saddened and pissed off,
Melanie


----------



## vardon_grip (Oct 5, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear People Who Use Entertainment Coupons at my restaurant that give you a free entree:
> 
> You are supposed to tip on *what the bill was before we deducted the free entree.* Tipping on the lower check shows you to be a cheap asshole. Example: You and your spouse each order a $21 entree. The bill comes to $42. You tip on the $42, NOT the $21 it becomes after you use the coupon.
> 
> ...



Waiting tables is isn't an easy job that is for certain. It takes a great deal of patience among other things. Working for a restaurant that takes the entertainment coupon sucks, but new business is always a good opportunity to secure repeat business. 

I have to disagree with you on the 20% tip requirement. Industry standard is 15% NOT 20%.
From CNN.com on Tipping
Waiter/waitress: 15% of bill (excluding tax) for adequate service; 20% for exceptional service; no less than 10% for poor service. If you are basing your "can't afford/eat at a cheaper place" opinion on 20% then you need to adjust that opinion by 5%.

As far as rail/well booze...you should know the products you serve. The bartender should absolutely know what you serve. Some places have Smirnoff in the well and others serve Kamchatka. It makes a difference to me when I order a vodka tonic. If its Kamchatka, I will pass on it and order the premium, while Smirnoff is more than acceptable. (especially since it rates equal to premium vodkas like Stolichnaya and Ketel One in blind taste tests) 

If you won't help me with my drink selection then it should reflect in a smaller tip.

And while we're on the subjects of drinks...not all bars serve tap beer in pint glasses. Many bars have a 10 or 12oz. beer glass in addition to the pint. Some places have an imperial pint. (20 oz.) Expecting your customers to know that your place only has 16oz. pint glasses is unreasonable.

Lastly, I think saying "when you get a chance" is a polite phrase. It says that whatever they requested (or something you forgot) isn't extremely important to them and that waiting a little won't ruin their dining experience. The customer could have said, "When you forget to bring a straw for a drink that normally requires one, your service is less than adequate." Or they could say, "You being slammed isn't important to me. Not being able to drink my iced tea with a straw or eat my food because I don't have a spoon is what is important to me so get steppin'!"


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## Sugar (Oct 5, 2008)

vardon_grip said:


> Waiting tables is isn't an easy job that is for certain. It takes a great deal of patience among other things. Working for a restaurant that takes the entertainment coupon sucks, but new business is always a good opportunity to secure repeat business.
> 
> I have to disagree with you on the 20% tip requirement. Industry standard is 15% NOT 20%.
> From CNN.com on Tipping
> ...



"You must spread some Rep around before...yadda yadda yadda."


----------



## mossystate (Oct 5, 2008)

I got him for you, Lucky. See, licks AND rep delivery!
:happy:


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## Sugar (Oct 5, 2008)

mossystate said:


> I got him for you, Lucky. See, licks AND rep delivery!
> :happy:



Suppose you could deliver some food and ice cream too?


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## mossystate (Oct 5, 2008)

Lucky said:


> Suppose you could deliver some food and ice cream too?



If I were less evil...yes.



*eta...I am also one of those horrible people who will say, " when you get a chance ". I suppose I could say, " get me a motherfucking bottle of ketchup " ( watched Snakes On A Plane, last night...gotta love a Mr. Jackson outburst )...but...I like to be nice to people who are doing the best they can in a crazy situation. And...yeah...served.


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## SamanthaNY (Oct 5, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> complain complain complain





vardon_grip said:


> Industry standard is 15% NOT 20%.
> you should know the products you serve.
> The bartender should absolutely know what you serve.
> If you won't help me with my drink selection then it should reflect in a smaller tip.
> ...




LoveBHMS? I believe you've just been served. (as Cartman would say)

Snap!


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## ThikJerseyChik (Oct 5, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Dear TJC,
> 
> I said salty-sweet...not sweet and salty.
> 
> ...



Dear Mossy - Gotcha 

Chik


----------



## mossystate (Oct 5, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> Dear Mossy - Gotcha
> 
> Chik



I was trying my best Tony Soprano....


----------



## TraciJo67 (Oct 6, 2008)

mossystate said:


> If I were less evil...yes.
> 
> 
> 
> *eta...I am also one of those horrible people who will say, " when you get a chance ". I suppose I could say, " get me a motherfucking bottle of ketchup " ( watched Snakes On A Plane, last night...gotta love a Mr. Jackson outburst )...but...I like to be nice to people who are doing the best they can in a crazy situation. And...yeah...served.



I prefer to simply snap my fingers in my waitperson's general direction, while avoiding eye contact and looking appropriately haughty. If that doesn't work, there's always the dog whistle.

At least I don't annoy them by politely asking them to get me my (motherfucking) straw when they get a (goddamned) second.


----------



## Tooz (Oct 6, 2008)

mossystate said:


> *eta...I am also one of those horrible people who will say, " when you get a chance ". I suppose I could say, " get me a motherfucking bottle of ketchup " ( watched Snakes On A Plane, last night...gotta love a Mr. Jackson outburst )...but...I like to be nice to people who are doing the best they can in a crazy situation. And...yeah...served.





SamanthaNY said:


> LoveBHMS? I believe you've just been served. (as Cartman would say)
> 
> Snap!




Seriously, guys? I can't even believe this. I thought this thread was about "letters to people and things," not trying to tear someone who came to vent a new asshole. Maybe that's how it is where she worked. How are you gonna know? Oh, wait, she must have totally disclosed name/address/phone number for this establishment! THAT'S MY BAD.

Oh, and FYI? "When you get a chance" not the same meaning as "IF you get a chance."

Lastly, I don't get why the tip given to the waitress should be diminished when the bartender doesn't know the drink selection. Not your server's fault.


----------



## Adamantoise (Oct 6, 2008)

Oh,yes-it must be a bloody sweet life,buzzing about from here to there and feeding on whatever waste we cannot make use of,and I'm SURE you have your place in the world just as every other living creature does...but why,WHY MUST YOU CONSTANTLY BUZZ PAST MY EARS YOU LITTLE FREAK!?
For the love of God,just stop it-For the record,I don't like harming creatures,so I sha'nt smoosh you,but for the love of all things holy STOP IT,YOU *****************!!!!

Hugs and Kisses ,

Tom AKA the long-haired creature.


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## KHayes666 (Oct 6, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear depression:
> 
> Thanks for fucking up what could've been an awesome weekend.
> 
> -BJ





Dear BJ,

Didn't think there was a problem, you looked to be having fun. Are you alright dude? Take care

-Hayes


----------



## mossystate (Oct 6, 2008)

Tooz said:


> Seriously, guys? I can't even believe this. I thought this thread was about "letters to people and things," not trying to tear someone who came to vent a new asshole. Maybe that's how it is where she worked. How are you gonna know? Oh, wait, she must have totally disclosed name/address/phone number for this establishment! THAT'S MY BAD.
> 
> Oh, and FYI? "When you get a chance" not the same meaning as "IF you get a chance."
> 
> Lastly, I don't get why the tip given to the waitress should be diminished when the bartender doesn't know the drink selection. Not your server's fault.




I guess you forgot to quote the other people who commented on that post. 

It might be " where she works "?...really? I have lived in a few different places, and, I am quite sure I have heard that infamous line..." when you have a chance "...wherever I have been...hmmmmm.

Oh, and FYI?...split a hair somewhere else.

Oh, and FYI?...if you are in a thread to scold, might not want to have your last paragaraph be all about going back to address a response to a vent. The vent should be allowed to stand on its own. Right? No? Yes?


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 6, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear depression:
> 
> Thanks for fucking up what could've been an awesome weekend.
> 
> -BJ



Dear Depressed, 

Don't let it get the best of you. There had to be some things worth remembering. You're still young so believe me when I say things can and will get better but everything good takes time and work.

someone who cares


----------



## Tooz (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Gold Star Laundromat:

Please turn the heat down. :\

Dear you:

Isn't 45 a little old to be taking Myspace-eqsue photos? I mean, really. I know that (and being an incredibly mean person) is all you have, but don't punish everyone else.

Best to all,
Tooz


----------



## JoyJoy (Oct 6, 2008)

Tooz said:


> Dear you:
> 
> Isn't 45 a little old to be taking Myspace-eqsue photos? I mean, really. I know that (and being an incredibly mean person) is all you have, but don't punish everyone else.
> 
> ...


 Wait...so there's an age limit for being able to take pics, and some sort of guideline for what they should look like? Man, I missed the boat on that one, and at my age, it gets harder and harder to keep track of all the rules. I'm soooo glad we old people have youngsters like you to keep us in line. I don't know how you put up with us without getting bitter and judgmental.


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## TraciJo67 (Oct 6, 2008)

JoyJoy said:


> Wait...so there's an age limit for being able to take pics, and some sort of guideline for what they should look like? Man, I missed the boat on that one, and at my age, it gets harder and harder to keep track of all the rules. I'm soooo glad we old people have youngsters like you to keep us in line. I don't know how you put up with us without getting bitter and judgmental.



Dear Joy,
Oh what a joy you are to behold 

Love,
Another Bitter, Aged has-been


----------



## mszwebs (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Rep,

WHY CAN'T I GIVE YOU??

Love,

A disgruntled poster


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## mossystate (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear mszwebs, 

I covered the last two posts for you. I hope that was OK.:blush:

Now, this 46 year old woman needs to go take some more affected photos, normally only allowed for some young women who think they are all edgy ( tough looks are so cute! )...and shit. :happy:


Love, 

MossyMoniqueMeanAndBitter...mmmmmm, bitter


----------



## SamanthaNY (Oct 6, 2008)

mossystate said:


> I guess you forgot to quote the other people who commented on that post.
> 
> It might be " where she works "?...really? I have lived in a few different places, and, I am quite sure I have heard that infamous line..." when you have a chance "...wherever I have been...hmmmmm.
> 
> ...





JoyJoy said:


> Wait...so there's an age limit for being able to take pics, and some sort of guideline for what they should look like? Man, I missed the boat on that one, and at my age, it gets harder and harder to keep track of all the rules. I'm soooo glad we old people have youngsters like you to keep us in line. I don't know how you put up with us without getting bitter and judgmental.



Dear ladies, 

I think you're only supposed to respond in letter form. And no asshole-tearing. Unless you're... someone else.

Srsly helpfulingly, 

Sam.


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 6, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear Depressed,
> 
> Don't let it get the best of you. There had to be some things worth remembering. You're still young so believe me when I say things can and will get better but everything good takes time and work.
> 
> someone who cares





KHayes666 said:


> Dear BJ,
> 
> Didn't think there was a problem, you looked to be having fun. Are you alright dude? Take care
> 
> -Hayes



Dear friends,

I did have a really good time, yeah, and there were definitely some things that I hope I _never _forget (including the phrase "Jesus toothy blowjob"). However, I can't help but feel that I could've enjoyed myself a lot more had my mood been a bit better. 

As it was, I had a bit of anxiety- for various reasons- and I've been dealing with depression as well, due in part to the changing seasons and aggravations at work. These really hindered my ability to have a good time, and made me less willing to jump in and participate in a lot of things (swimming, dancing, etc.).

Anyways, it's just a nasty time of year for me, and things'll get better soon.

Very grateful,
Beej


----------



## TraciJo67 (Oct 6, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Dear mszwebs,
> 
> I covered the last two posts for you. I hope that was OK.:blush:
> 
> ...



Dear MossyHag,

I'd really like to see something edgier from your camp. You know, like your classic "gold mine" stance (finger inserted quite snugly into nostril). Timeless, neigh, even ageless beauty. Classic! 

Love,
Frumpy 40-somethin' somethin' hiding out in a hideously unfashionable blue shift


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## Blackjack (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear people:

Quit being so goddamn petty.

Really, you just look childish by acting the way that you've been acting.

This goes for all sides.

Signed,
Hope over experience


----------



## stan_der_man (Oct 6, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear MossyHag,
> 
> I'd really like to see something edgier from your camp. You know, like your classic "gold mine" stance (finger inserted quite snugly into nostril). Timeless, neigh, even ageless beauty. Classic!
> 
> ...



Dear Ms. Ain't Seen You In A While, Where The Hell Have You Been, Your Fans Were Missing You,

Is that really you, I don't believe it. You hafta tell me the secret password or else I will continue to think you are an imposter.


Sincerely,

paranoid_man_stan


----------



## TraciJo67 (Oct 6, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear people:
> 
> Quit being so goddamn petty.
> 
> ...



Dear Blackjack,

While we (all sides) heartily thank you for the self-righteous scolding, we must humbly reject it on the grounds that these messages were meant for The Ladies. 

Besides, I haven't taken sides, apart from a desire to heap loving insults upon my dear friend Mossyskank. She can take it. I know she can. She's a biiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiii-iiiiig girl.


----------



## stan_der_man (Oct 6, 2008)

mossystate said:


> .../QUOTE]
> 
> 
> BTW... I have always liked that picture of you MossyBossy...
> ...


----------



## TraciJo67 (Oct 6, 2008)

To Whom It May Concern:

Yes. We truly were that arrogant. Fortunately, time (and gravity) knocked the stuffing right the hell out of us.

Most Sincerely,
A Mostly Civil Servant


----------



## mossystate (Oct 6, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear MossyHag,
> 
> I'd really like to see something edgier from your camp. You know, like your classic "gold mine" stance (finger inserted quite snugly into nostril). Timeless, neigh, even ageless beauty. Classic!
> 
> ...




Dear TraciHoBag,

Oh, we seem to have been sharing a thought. Just for you, a proper photo for a woman my age. I wonder if a snap of me in my Depends would be fancied by any proper man for a woman my age. Hmmmmmm...what to do...what to do.

Your shift sounds beautiful. I think you would look smashing in a Warholesque 4 block color shirt. Would play off nicely with your age spots.


Love, 

Sad and droopy in Seattle


----------



## mossystate (Oct 6, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear people:
> 
> Quit being so goddamn petty.
> 
> ...



Dear BJ,

Now, now. Glass huts..rocks.

It's ok...really. Sometimes these things just need to happen, as you well know. It's all good and transient.

Signed, 

Beentheredonethat


----------



## stan_der_man (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Hallucinagenic Mother of Most Mostlys,

I'm still thinking fake.

 But you are real Mossy... In fact, very real....

Sincerely,
delusional_man_stan


----------



## SamanthaNY (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear everyone who hasn't had the pleasure yet:

I hereby scold you. Now you just cut that out! 

Disapprovingishly, 

Sam.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Oct 6, 2008)

fa_man_stan said:


> Dear Hallucinagenic Mother of Most Mostlys,
> 
> I'm still thinking fake.
> 
> ...



Dear Stan da Man,

Remember way back when, I told you that I have a groove-on thing for Alan Alda look-alikes, and you told me to back right the hell off, and I responded by e-stalking you (so foolishly confident I was, thinking if only he'd get to *know* me, why surely he'd *love* me) and you took out an e-restraining order? 

Now, if I weren't who I say I am, how in Sam Hill eff would I know those humiliating details? And who besides The Real McCoy would say "Sam Hill eff"? 

Mostly Undelusionally Yours (has the restraining order been lifted yet?),
TraciJo67 (TracyJo to you, though)


----------



## Carrie (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Kashi,

Thank you for sending me my free chocolate chip cookie! And even more, thank you for making the first line of your return address "Cookie Fulfillment Center". Next time I have to fill out some kind of form in line I'm totally going to include that as the first line of my address. 

Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 6, 2008)

Tooz said:


> Oh, and FYI? "When you get a chance" not the same meaning as "IF you get a chance."


 
Dear Tooz, 

You are absolutely right. They are two entirely different terms. "When you get a chance" insinuates that I would like what I ordered to come to my table complete, on a clean plate, with the appropriate utensils, exactly how I ordered it, while it is still hot, AND during the allotted time that I have to eat the meal that I am paying for, BUT SINCE IT HAS NOT I am willing to wait just a couple of minutes for you to correct the problem.

"If you get a chance" means that I am fully aware that you are very busy. I don't really NEED what I wanted even though I ordered it and it was forgotten on my plate--or by the wait staff--BUT I STILL WANT WHAT I ORDERED. I am willing to wait a few more minutes, but in this case I have ALREADY asked "when you get a chance" several times. I may have also already asked several of the other wait staff, and by now I am pretty pissed off that you have ruined my dining experience. IF I get to the point, where I say "IF", it would probably said in a sarcastic way, and you would have already lost 5% of the 15% tip that I normally would have left you. It does NOT mean that I am saying, "I realize that you are busy, and that you don't have time to take my order appropriately, and seeing as how you are having a rough day I will just accept that--and give you a massive tip for your terrible service" OR "Hey, please disregard that I asked for the item ENTIRELY" 

In either case, IF I come to your establishment I will pay your tip accordingly to how quickly you respond to my request (especially if it is something that I requested when I FIRST placed my order), whether or not you will refill my glass when/if needed, how hot my food is, how long it took for said food to get to me, and if it is served in a friendly and courteous manner. On a side note...if I see my wait person pick their nose, touch their face, scratch their crotch or pick their butt while I am there--and touch ANYONE's food before washing thier hands--you can be sure that I will be sending my food back, talking to the manager and most likely asking for a refund. It is, after all called a "dining experience" in a POSITIVE light. I'd like to add that wait people are the front of the house AND a customer's absolute first impression of the establishment. They collectively set the example for the dining experience to come. They can MAKE OR BREAK an establishment, IMHO. 

Thank you for reading, 
Terri, an unsatifsied diner.


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 6, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear People Who Use Entertainment Coupons at my restaurant that give you a free entree:
> 
> You are supposed to tip on *what the bill was before we deducted the free entree.* Tipping on the lower check shows you to be a cheap asshole. Example: You and your spouse each order a $21 entree. The bill comes to $42. You tip on the $42, NOT the $21 it becomes after you use the coupon.
> 
> ...




In British Columbia the minimum wage is $8 an hour so we tip differently here. I tip for good and prompt service. And I tip over and above if the service is awesome and we have a big party etc. I do NOT tip if I have crappy service, AT ALL. If you suck at your job then you don't get a gratuity. I don't get tips for doing a lacklustre job. 

I realize it's different in the US, but you CHOOSE where you work. If you feel you're getting ripped off I think you should get another job. But then in all fairness I believe you're just ranting like most of us do about our place of employment so go on with your bad self. Haha!


----------



## JoyJoy (Oct 6, 2008)

I never feel obligated to leave a tip at any restaurant. A tip is a reward of degree for service. Give me mediocre service and you'll get a mediocre tip....less than mediocre gets nothing at all. I do also take into account things that are beyond the waitperson's control, such as kitchen error and how busy the restaurant is, but bad service is usually pretty blatant. I was a waitress for several years, so I'm pretty good at determining the level of service. Don't expect me to reward you if you make my dining experience less than it should be. 


Oh...not a letter again. Okay.

Dear, Love, Me

Better?


----------



## gypsy (Oct 6, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> In British Columbia the minimum wage is $8 an hour so we tip differently here. I tip for good and prompt service. And I tip over and above if the service is awesome and we have a big party etc. I do NOT tip if I have crappy service, AT ALL. If you suck at your job then you don't get a gratuity. I don't get tips for doing a lacklustre job.



I had this argument in the chatroom one time - when someone said us Canadians are cheap. I said, no, we aren't cheap - we just don't believe in rewarding bad service. If I have shitty service at a restaurant, they get a shitty tip ie.... nothing. If I get outstanding service, I usually tip 25%. Expecting a tip when I've been treated like crap at a place I am PAYING to go to is not what I call gracious.


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 6, 2008)

gypsy said:


> I had this argument in the chatroom one time - when someone said us Canadians are cheap. I said, no, we aren't cheap - we just don't believe in rewarding bad service. If I have shitty service at a restaurant, they get a shitty tip ie.... nothing. If I get outstanding service, I usually tip 25%. Expecting a tip when I've been treated like crap at a place I am PAYING to go to is not what I call gracious.




But I think the American minimum wage is much lower in the service sector. I think in Kansas it's like $2.65 an hour. WTF? So if a Canadian didn't know that then we'd still tip the normal 15%. 

But yes, tipping happens in my world if you give good service. If you don't, you get nada. $2.65 or not.


----------



## furious styles (Oct 6, 2008)

_I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fuckin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big fuckin' surprise. _


----------



## JoyJoy (Oct 6, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> But I think the American minimum wage is much lower in the service sector. I think in Kansas it's like $2.65 an hour. WTF? So if a Canadian didn't know that then we'd still tip the normal 15%.
> 
> But yes, tipping happens in my world if you give good service. If you don't, you get nada. $2.65 or not.


 Call me cheap, too, but to me, it shouldn't matter what the base salary is....tips are incentive pay. You don't do good work, you don't get the bonus. I think the "rule" of giving a standard percentage no matter what is bogus. I'm not paying extra for bad service. Period.


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Current readers/posters on this thread:

Might I suggest a thread in Hyde Park for all this "tipping" debating? I find it just a little annoying and distracting that not only is this continuing, but that flames seem to jump out every few posts. I may only be one voice on this, but this kind of "hot topic" is best served in Hyding.

Preparing for some hot retort
Jeeves


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Person.
I love you, now go to sleep.


----------



## JoyJoy (Oct 6, 2008)

Blackjack_Jeeves said:


> Dear Current readers/posters on this thread:
> 
> Might I suggest a thread in Hyde Park for all this "tipping" debating? I find it just a little annoying and distracting that not only is this continuing, but that flames seem to jump out every few posts. I may only be one voice on this, but this kind of "hot topic" is best served in Hyding.
> 
> ...


No heat here...just that this is right on schedule. 

Do carry on.


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Joy
Your new avatar makes me feel as if you are giving me the "come hither" look. Its hot, its unpredicatable, its...its fantastic. I want to be just like you when I grow up.

Terri


----------



## JoyJoy (Oct 6, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Joy
> Your new avatar makes me feel as if you are giving me the "come hither" look. Its hot, its unpredicatable, its...its fantastic. I want to be just like you when I grow up.
> 
> Terri


Dearest Terri, 

I'm so glad the message was conveyed effectively. I'll be waiting, my love. 


Your Hot Mama


----------



## stan_der_man (Oct 6, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Stan da Man,
> 
> Remember way back when, I told you that I have a groove-on thing for Alan Alda look-alikes, and you told me to back right the hell off, and I responded by e-stalking you (so foolishly confident I was, thinking if only he'd get to *know* me, why surely he'd *love* me) and you took out an e-restraining order?
> 
> ...



Ok... That having been said, udder disbelief has been reduced to mild suspicion. 

Glad to see ya back TracyJo!


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 6, 2008)

JoyJoy said:


> Call me cheap, too, but to me, it shouldn't matter what the base salary is....tips are incentive pay. You don't do good work, you don't get the bonus. I think the "rule" of giving a standard percentage no matter what is bogus. I'm not paying extra for bad service. Period.



Exactly. But a lot of Americans do think Canadian's are cheap because we 'assume' that people get a half decent wage on top of tips.

It's funny, I love to tip when I get good service. When I became an adult, this rocked my world for some reason. Haha.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Parents:

Name your child whatever your heart desires....I am down with that. However, if you choose a unisex name, then don't be shocked/hurt/dismayed if a random stranger reads the name and perhaps refers to your son as "she" or vice versa. What's the big deal? The child is a unisex name on a piece of paper....expect it, get used to it and deal with it. It was something IMPORTANT that you SHOULD have considered when choosing a name. 


Doesn't really give a fuck if your child has a dong or not,
Me

Dear Psychotic Twat:

Don't name your son Jade and be emotionally disturbed if people see the name Jade on paper and forever...as in the rest of your child's life, refer to him as "she". Fuck off dumb bitch....name your male child something that isn't a fucking flower/plant. You know, fucktard, like Daisy, Rose, Jasmine, etc....ALL THOSE ARE NAMES THAT MOST NORMAL FUCKING PEOPLE GIVE TO THEIR GIRLS.....NOT THEIR WHINY LONG HAIRED BOYS. If the inference that your son is touting around a girl's name because of your poor judgment chafes your ass then good... because IT'S TRUE! You want to break down gender barriers? Great! But why in hell would you use your child to start your mission? FUCK, just do it to yourself...leave your kid out of it, Assclown. 
.....and pull your disillusioned, needs a good slap back into reality, head out of your ass and get a clue that YOU DID THIS TO HIM YOURSELF!!! Or...at the very least, go meditate....or better yet, go fuck yourself, and leave strangers alone if they make a small faux pas and refer to a person with a girl's name as a girl :doh:

Doesn't give a fuck and thinks you're one really stupid bitch,
Me


**yes, I really didn't like that mom....... 


Dear People that like to name their child "traditional" names yet change the spellings to something different:

Don't be shocked if a stranger on the phone needs you to spell out your hacked up, unusual, asinine version of your child's name. I mean.....you wanted to be "different" so effing stand and deliver when you have to do different than average folk. 


Astounded and Bemused
Me


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 6, 2008)

Blackjack_Jeeves said:


> Dear Current readers/posters on this thread:
> 
> Might I suggest a thread in Hyde Park for all this "tipping" debating? I find it just a little annoying and distracting that not only is this continuing, but that flames seem to jump out every few posts. I may only be one voice on this, but this kind of "hot topic" is best served in Hyding.
> 
> ...



Seriously?

Isn't this exactly what a message board is for? :doh:


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 6, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear friends,
> 
> I did have a really good time, yeah, and there were definitely some things that I hope I _never _forget (including the phrase "Jesus toothy blowjob"). However, I can't help but feel that I could've enjoyed myself a lot more had my mood been a bit better.
> 
> ...



Dear Beej,

Here I was complaining about Bruce making out with his flavor of the weekend in front of me and there you are saying you have depression, that's much worse.

As for the anxiety, you just have to rememeber that the people at the bash WANT you there. You have nothing to be afraid of, everyone likes you.

Hope you have more fun at the next bash in March.

-Hayes


PS: Ever notice the people who fight on the boards or make "snarky" comments never attend the bashes and what not? Don't bother yelling at them because they don't hinder the real life fun you have at all.


----------



## sweet&fat (Oct 6, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear friends,
> 
> I did have a really good time, yeah, and there were definitely some things that I hope I _never _forget (including the phrase "Jesus toothy blowjob"). However, I can't help but feel that I could've enjoyed myself a lot more had my mood been a bit better.
> 
> ...



Dear Beej,

How many guys can say they've been squashed by Princess Leia? 

Leah


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 6, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> PS: Ever notice the people who fight on the boards or make "snarky" comments never attend the bashes and what not? Don't bother yelling at them because they don't hinder the real life fun you have at all.


 

Curiously, who are you talking about? I mean if you can just randomly say something like that it would be nice to know who you directed it to. Right?


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 6, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> Dear Beej,
> 
> How many guys can say they've been squashed by Princess Leia?
> 
> Leah



Like I said... some things I hope I never forget. *Ever*.

Geek's dream right there.


----------



## mossystate (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear KHayes,



KHayes666 said:


> Don't feel bad about the chatroom, I got a lifetime ban from there lol.



I am sure you were banned for being nice. ( I don't even know if you _were_ banned.

As for ' snark '... knowing and liking someone does not make their snark any less snarktastic. Not liking someone does not make _their_ snark any _more_ snarktastic.

Aaaaand, as for bashes...some people do not live remotely close to where said bashes take place. While some do some serious travelling to get to the bashes, distance is a consideration for some ( time on plane...money...etc ). Sooooo, if you, who had a history of bashing ' too ' fat women in chat, can be welcomed, I would bet some of us hideous sarcastic types would find ourselves being enjoyed by a number of people. I know...it boggles the mind to even consider. 



Mossy ' about to enjoy a lovely salad ' state


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Thread,
Ok I usually try to be very PC about giving my opinion but I am starting to wonder about the turn this thread seems to be taking. I mean it is called letters to people and things. There really is no need to pick specific fights and sometimes all the nitpicking gets old. I will respect you dear thread and keep my rants, thoughts, emotions, peeves, accomplishments, joy, etc.... in letter form.
sincerely a fan of this thread


----------



## supersoup (Oct 6, 2008)

supersoup said:


> dear letters thread,
> 
> i'll never give up on you.
> 
> ...



never ever, dear thread o mine. as a matter of fact, not only will i never give you up, but i'll never let you down.

in RA love,

soup


----------



## Shosh (Oct 6, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear Thread,
> Ok I usually try to be very PC about giving my opinion but I am starting to wonder about the turn this thread seems to be taking. I mean it is called letters to people and things. There really is no need to pick specific fights and sometimes all the nitpicking gets old. I will respect you dear thread and keep my rants, thoughts, emotions, peeves, accomplishments, joy, etc.... in letter form.
> sincerely a fan of this thread



Dear Kendra,

Well said.
It is a great thread, and can we please leave the nastiness and bitterness at the door.

Meanwhile you looked fabulous in your bash costume. Very pretty.

Yours sincerely

Shoshie


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Mossy,

Drugs bring out the worst in people, and if my behavior at the bashes doesn't tell the story of the turnaround, maybe the pix will. Women are "too" fat? Since when ;-)



Dear Sweet & Fat,

Maybe you can bring back the costume next year and Beej can dress as Aladin? 


Dear Jon Lester,

The umpires squeezed Beckett like an orange last night, better be on your A game tonight like in game 1.


----------



## sweet&fat (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear KHayes,

Have you seen Return of the Jedi? 

Princess Leia



KHayes666 said:


> Dear Mossy,
> 
> Drugs bring out the worst in people, and if my behavior at the bashes doesn't tell the story of the turnaround, maybe the pix will. Women are "too" fat? Since when ;-)
> 
> ...


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 6, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> Dear KHayes,
> 
> Have you seen Return of the Jedi?
> 
> Princess Leia



lololol omg, I thought you were Princess Jasmine from Aladin.

In that case Beej needs a blaster, a white shirt, black pants and needs to arrive in the Milenium Falcon to next year's bash.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 6, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> _I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fuckin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big fuckin' surprise. _









_Are you gonna bark all day...little doggie, or are you gonna bite?_


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 6, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> lololol omg, I thought you were Princess Jasmine from Aladin.
> 
> In that case Beej needs a blaster, a white shirt, black pants and needs to arrive in the Milenium Falcon to next year's bash.



Pffft. Who needs a costume?

You didn't see us alone in the south passage. She expressed her true feelings for me.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 6, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Pffft. Who needs a costume?
> 
> You didn't see us alone in the south passage. She expressed her true feelings for me.



Nah, I was too busy fending off those damn storm troopers.....hope you guys made it to the rendevouz lol


----------



## Shosh (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear D & J,

Thank you so much for thinking of me and checking to make sure that I am ok.

D, thank you for servicing and taking care of my computer. I am totally clueless in that regard.

It has really saved me money not having to pay a computer guy to come and do it.

I very much appreciate it.


Dear Carl,

Thank you for helping me with my housing application, and for giving me a ride home.

You are the nicest guy.


There really are fantastic people in this world.


Yours

Susannah


----------



## sweet&fat (Oct 6, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Pffft. Who needs a costume?
> 
> You didn't see us alone in the south passage. She expressed her true feelings for me.




Oh yeah- that's where I called you a scruffy-faced nerf herder!


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 6, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> Oh yeah- that's where I called you a scruffy-faced nerf herder!



who's scruffy looking? ;-)


----------



## Santaclear (Oct 6, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> PS: Ever notice the people who fight on the boards or make "snarky" comments never attend the bashes and what not? Don't bother yelling at them because they don't hinder the real life fun you have at all.



We don't go to the bashes because all you people are too scruffy. :bounce:


----------



## Shosh (Oct 6, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> We don't go to the bashes because all you people are too scruffy.



I dont go to the bashes coz I live clear across the otha side of the fuckin world!


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 6, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I dont go to the bashes coz I live clear across the otha side of the fuckin world!



Beej Solo, quick....use the Falcon to pick her up then deliver her to the next bash


----------



## soleil3313 (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Grad School, 

I know that you being extremely difficult to get into will make me appreciate you more once I'm actually accepted, but you're really stressing me out here. Can you please promise me it'll be worth it? 

Thanks, 

Too much on her plate in Jersey


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Susannah, 
Don't worry, I know you'd attend if you were nearby and you were there in spirit cause I did actually think of you and other dimmers from overseas while I was there.
hoping you'll get to attend someday, Kendra



Susannah said:


> I dont go to the bashes coz I live clear across the otha side of the fuckin world!


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Santa clear, If that is a pic of you in your profile then I'd say you'd fit right in
sincerely, one of the scruffy bash attendees


Santaclear said:


> We don't go to the bashes because all you people are too scruffy. :bounce:


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 6, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear Santa clear, If that is a pic of you in your profile then I'd say you'd fit right in
> sincerely, one of the scruffy bash attendees



You have just entered...... The Santaclear Zone.


----------



## Shosh (Oct 6, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear Susannah,
> Don't worry, I know you'd attend if you were nearby and you were there in spirit cause I did actually think of you and other dimmers from overseas while I was there.
> hoping you'll get to attend someday, Kendra



I will be attending in the future at some point. I spoke with Mimi on the phone last weekend and we were discussing my future trip over there.

I am manifesting the money for that and many other things right now.

Ask, believe, receive.:bow:


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Jar,

It's really getting old. You scream and you bitch and you find excuses.
You see things that aren't there, only to realize they're underneath.
The tides come at a brisk yet sporadic pace.
They have not come and they never will, so please let loose.
You mean so much to me, but you've yet to realize.
Anything you need you can't have; everything you have you never need.
As the seas break the brick walls, you're building new ones quicker than the old.

Disquieted.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 6, 2008)

JoyJoy said:


> Call me cheap, too, but to me, it shouldn't matter what the base salary is....tips are incentive pay. You don't do good work, you don't get the bonus. I think the "rule" of giving a standard percentage no matter what is bogus. I'm not paying extra for bad service. Period.



Dear Joy and others who think a tip is a gift:

Restaurants run on a very low profit margin. Part of how they keep costs down is by paying tipped employees well below the minimum wage; it varies state to state but it's generall $2.75-$3.75 per hour. The expectation is the remainder is made up by tips. If servers were paid more, guess what would happen? Your food and drinks would cost more. They're not in business to lose money. Paying a tip is part of paying to eat in a restaurant.

That having been said, many servers happen to give exemplary service with only the HOPE of getting a good tip. We never have any assurance even when we're being asked to do things like stop our work to snap pictures of the table or throw out the trash customers leave behind like newspapers or water bottles. Many of us go above and beyond to ensure a good experience and still wind up getting less than 10% because people consider the tip some sort of an extra little gift for which we should be grateful.

Additionally, servers do not keep all of their tips. They are required to 'tip out' a percentage to the bus staff and other back of house workers. When you stiff the server, s/he STILL has to pay the back of house staff. The 'tip out' is on our total sales, it's not a percentage of our tips. For example, if we sell $1000 worth of food, we tip out the bus boy 2%. That 2% comes out of our tip money. If we've been short changed or stiffed, we still have to come up with the money for the busser.

L.


----------



## JoyJoy (Oct 6, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Joy and others who think a tip is a gift:
> 
> *snip*
> 
> L.


 Dear L, 

As I said, I was a waitress for several years, so yes, I understand all of what you said. However, it is still a service industry. If I get poor service, I don't tip, period. I'm not giving a waitperson money for not doing their job adequately. When I waited tables, I took pride in doing everything I could to ensure that every person was served well to the best of my ability; that's the standard I judge by when I tip, because it's most often very evident if I'm not getting the best service possible. 

That said, it's a rare occasion when I don't tip at least 15%, because I rarely experience poor service...and if I do, I don't go back to that restaurant. However, I'm not ashamed of my personal standard on this issue. 

Sincerely, 

Joy


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 6, 2008)

Dear Network Television-

why oh why do you insist on playing the same shows over and over again? Do you think we dont notice when you are using the SAME Law and Order show on 3 different channels? And really...what is the deal with bringing back t.v. shows which were ALREADY canceled because they were so bad? COME ON!

Yours vehemently, 
A Disgruntled Indiana Couch Potato


----------



## vardon_grip (Oct 7, 2008)

Tooz said:


> Seriously, guys? I can't even believe this. I thought this thread was about "letters to people and things," not trying to tear someone who came to vent a new asshole. Maybe that's how it is where she worked. How are you gonna know? Oh, wait, she must have totally disclosed name/address/phone number for this establishment! THAT'S MY BAD.
> 
> Oh, and FYI? "When you get a chance" not the same meaning as "IF you get a chance."
> 
> Lastly, I don't get why the tip given to the waitress should be diminished when the bartender doesn't know the drink selection. Not your server's fault.



My letter was to a "person" about "things" they complained about so I thought it was okay to share my thoughts about person/s and things. Maybe I should've added an "Oy!" to qualify my opinion. I also had years of bartending and wait staff experience to round out my opinion. I was trying to be polite in my post and give the OP a different perspective.

No one has to know where the OP works to dispute that 20% for gratuity is required. As far as I know, there is no restaurant in the US that 20% gratuity is the standard. (18% for large parties not included) How is it the tip expectation "where she worked" is different from the rest of the country? 

It isn't, so yes, it is your bad. 

Are you also telling me that the OP's restaurant is different from the hundreds of other restaurants I've dined in? From IHOP to The French Laundry-if I ask a wait person what brand of product they serve, the response shouldn't be, "I don't know and the people who should know-don't know." There is nothing wrong with saying, " I don't know that, but I will be happy to get that information for you."

If my waitress won't do something as simple as asking a question about the products she serves for whatever reason, then it is her fault and she is not doing a good job waiting on me and therefore gets a lower tip. (Yes, the shift manager AND the GM should know the answer to/get the answer to any question also) 

What would happen if someone asked if there were peanuts or peanut products in a certain dish because of a severe allergy? (not citing the allergy in the question) You don't want to hear, "I don't know and the CHEF sure as hell doesn't know, so I guess you'll just have to chance it and if you go into anaphylactic shock you'll have your answer!" 


You are correct in one thing- "WHEN you get a chance" is not the same as "IF you get a chance". 

No one up to your post said "IF". What was the NTDWA (nothing to do with anything) you were FYI-ing about?


----------



## Shosh (Oct 7, 2008)

vardon_grip said:


> My letter was to a "person" about "things" they complained about so I thought it was okay to share my thoughts about person/s and things. Maybe I should've added an "Oy!" to qualify my opinion. I also had years of bartending and wait staff experience to round out my opinion. I was trying to be polite in my post and give the OP a different perspective.
> 
> No one has to know where the OP works to dispute that 20% for gratuity is required. As far as I know, there is no restaurant in the US that 20% gratuity is the standard. (18% for large parties not included) How is it the tip expectation "where she worked" is different from the rest of the country?
> 
> ...




We dont do tipping in Australia. Wait staff are paid more, and we pay more for our food and drinks, so we are happy all around I guess. Kind of.
Of course you can tip if you want to, but it is not required.


----------



## vardon_grip (Oct 7, 2008)

Susannah said:


> We dont do tipping in Australia. Wait staff are paid more, and we pay more for our food and drinks, so we are happy all around I guess. Kind of.
> Of course you can tip if you want to, but it is not required.



Since it has been brought up (not by you) that we should stick to this threads form...

"Oy, (not sure if I am conjuring an old rabbi or Mark "Jacko" Jackson, the Energizer screaming Aussie) I would like to write a letter about the experience of going to Australia and enjoying a place where the wait staff is treated well and the people are happy...things?


Me FAIL.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 7, 2008)

Anyone know how the smurfs would just replace certain words with smurf? So, in this post I shall do that except use the word snark.

Dear Snark,

You're a complete and total snark and if I ever have the displeasure of encountering you in person. I am going to snark your teeth down your throat and that'd totally be the most snarktastic thing one could ever do.

Go snark yourself,

Justin


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear Justin,

When threatening the Snark or any other literal, physical, imaginable or figurative being, try and remember to do it correctly. Your period after the word "person" should not have been a period. In fact it should have just been a space; not even a comma.

Noob.

Justin


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 7, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Dear Justin,
> 
> When threatening the Snark or any other literal, physical, imaginable or figurative being, try and remember to do it correctly. Your period after the word "person" should not have been a period. In fact it should have just been a space; not even a comma.
> 
> ...



Justin

That right there is some snark with vengeance. :wubu:

Justin

PS .. I feel like William having a conversation with himself.


----------



## Rowan (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear me,

Stop staying up so damn late watching stupid shows at night because then you drag ass at work all day the next day.

- tired as a son of a gun


----------



## mimosa (Oct 7, 2008)

Rowan said:


> Dear me,
> 
> Stop staying up so damn late watching stupid shows at night because then you drag ass at work all day the next day.
> 
> - tired as a son of a gun



Dear Rowan

Yeah ....me too! Come I come over? I'll bring the coffee and the Krispy Kreme Doughnuts!



Mimosa:bow:


----------



## Rowan (Oct 7, 2008)

mimosa said:


> Dear Rowan
> 
> Yeah ....me too! Come I come over? I'll bring the coffee and the Krispy Kreme Doughnuts!
> 
> ...




Sounds good! Mmmmm hot Krispy Kreme is the best *droooool*


----------



## exile in thighville (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear

I used to think you were great, and that not associating with you would be a great sacrifice. Then I lobbied really hard to have you around again. I've grown up a bit, though, in the meantime, and it turns out you're exactly the kind of person I do not care for. I think you're dense, shallow, spoiled, judgmental. But insecure I know. I don't hold any of these against you, I know what you've been through. But I wish you didn't hold whatever against me. I think you need to appreciate what you have better, and develop a sense of empathy, objectivity, complexity. There are people who need you; be nice to those. But get off your high horse. You wish you could be yourself like this.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 7, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> Dear
> 
> I used to think you were great, and that not associating with you would be a great sacrifice. Then I lobbied really hard to have you around again. I've grown up a bit, though, in the meantime, and it turns out you're exactly the kind of person I do not care for. I think you're dense, shallow, spoiled, judgmental. But insecure I know. I don't hold any of these against you, I know what you've been through. But I wish you didn't hold whatever against me. I think you need to appreciate what you have better, and develop a sense of empathy, objectivity, complexity. There are people who need you; be nice to those. But get off your high horse. You wish you could be yourself like this.





Dear Dan,

You and I are going to the Eliot Lounge in Boston, drinks are on me.


----------



## Paquito (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear blondes that think they're just so cool,

I know my ass is very tempting, and that resistance is pretty much futile. But grabbing it - without my consent - is just plain rude, and running off laughing like you've just done the most hilarious thing on planet is the cherry on the flippin ice cream cone. If you would've asked, I'd have been happy to oblige, but now you're on my list.

Irresistable Buns

Dear _other_ ladies at school,

That's right, if you ask, I'd be happy to oblige 

Still Irresistable Buns


----------



## OfftoOtherPlaces (Oct 7, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> Dear
> 
> I used to think you were great, and that not associating with you would be a great sacrifice. Then I lobbied really hard to have you around again. I've grown up a bit, though, in the meantime, and it turns out you're exactly the kind of person I do not care for. I think you're dense, shallow, spoiled, judgmental. But insecure I know. I don't hold any of these against you, I know what you've been through. But I wish you didn't hold whatever against me. I think you need to appreciate what you have better, and develop a sense of empathy, objectivity, complexity. There are people who need you; be nice to those. But get off your high horse. You wish you could be yourself like this.



It always sucks to get a letter like this from an ex. It's like-- yes, you know you're dense, shallow, spoiled, judgmental, ride a high horse. You know you have faults. But because saying it makes it ten times worse, you wish she wouldn't.

I've been there. Feel better man.


----------



## HDANGEL15 (Oct 7, 2008)

*Dear Woodberry Grill,

Thanks so much for being too important to meet with me today, although your post said to apply in person m-f from 1-4. Forgive me for believing that 1:45pm was actually fitting to that criteria. On second thought, perhaps if that is how you run your business, I will find a better employeer. O yeah, on 3rd thought, I will run this story by as many of your VALUED customers as possible, to let them know how you REALLY TREAT the other 1/2.

A LOWLY PEON seeking work as YOUR MOST AMAZING BARISTA of all time
your loss losers *:kiss2:

ps...you don't know who i am do you...


----------



## bexy (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear Ms X

Have I purposely been excluded? What exactly have I done wrong? I'm getting a bit fed up of this....

Yours sadly

Bexy


----------



## TotallyReal (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear Dimensions

Hi

Your friend
Totaly Real


----------



## The Fez (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear forum,

you can never escape my drunken posts, try as you might.

*air punch*

- Fez


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 7, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Justin
> 
> That right there is some snark with vengeance. :wubu:
> 
> ...



That's the only way he ever has a convo......





free2beme04 said:


> Dear blondes that think they're just so cool,
> 
> I know my ass is very tempting, and that resistance is pretty much futile. But grabbing it - without my consent - is just plain rude, and running off laughing like you've just done the most hilarious thing on planet is the cherry on the flippin ice cream cone. If you would've asked, I'd have been happy to oblige, but now you're on my list.
> 
> ...



I find your cheesecake irresistable :batting:


----------



## HDANGEL15 (Oct 7, 2008)

*DEAR (((BGB))))

I was too snarky and inappropriate at the wrong time. My humblest apology for missing the passing of your little one.

my bad
a angel with horns right now (the devil made me)*


----------



## Adamantoise (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear Hollywood,

Please,for the love of all things right,true and holy,DO NOT try and remake The War Of The Worlds EVAAAAR again.I love the album,but by turning it into a screen production,you have effectively castrated it and made it a shadow of its' former self.

Kisses ,

Tom AKA Adamantoise.

Dear Cannibal Corpse,

I find your lack of new material disturbing,

Tom AKA Adamantoise


----------



## TotallyReal (Oct 7, 2008)

*Dear Prime Numbers

I will have you know that I have had it up to here with your fucking antics and let me be the first to say taht this is AMERICA and I will not be one to tell you what you can and cannot do int the privacy of your own home because what goes on ebtween two integers is none of my business nor is it the business of the government, this does not mean that I am condoning your practices certainly not but in the end you will be judged by the Creator and it is not in our Country's place to say what can and cannot happen but that does not mean that I cannot speak my piece because I have been waiting a long time for things to change but clearly you aren't gonig to be the ones to do it so first of all can I just say that you need to get down off your fucking ivory tower and ACCEPT that sometimes it is good to be divisible by other numbers!!!! that is what capitalism is all about and while I understand that I have problems, and I am not trying to start any rumors, you are frankly not secure in your own value if you cannot let any number in to your LIfe other than yourself (and one but that does not really coun)t

So in summary Fuck you Prime Nubmbers!!! Screw you prime numbers

Your friend,
Totaly Real*


----------



## Adamantoise (Oct 7, 2008)

TotallyReal said:


> *Dear Prime Numbers
> 
> I will have you know that I have had it up to here with your fucking antics and let me be the first to say taht this is AMERICA and I will not be one to tell you what you can and cannot do int the privacy of your own home because what goes on ebtween two integers is none of my business nor is it the business of the government, this does not mean that I am condoning your practices certainly not but in the end you will be judged by the Creator and it is not in our Country's place to say what can and cannot happen but that does not mean that I cannot speak my piece because I have been waiting a long time for things to change but clearly you aren't gonig to be the ones to do it so first of all can I just say that you need to get down off your fucking ivory tower and ACCEPT that sometimes it is good to be divisible by other numbers!!!! that is what capitalism is all about and while I understand that I have problems, and I am not trying to start any rumors, you are frankly not secure in your own value if you cannot let any number in to your LIfe other than yourself (and one but that does not really coun)t
> 
> ...



This make me laugh so hard-reppage coming your way!


----------



## bexy (Oct 7, 2008)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Dear forum,
> 
> you can never escape my drunken posts, try as you might.
> 
> ...



Dear Fez

I am *air punching* with you right now!

Bexy


----------



## Suze (Oct 7, 2008)

dear fezus
i'm happy to hear that! 
- sus

dear moore2me
the answer is no.
- sus


----------



## bexy (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear Kerrang

The Towers of London and Amy Winehouse are not rock....what the hell has happened to you Kerrang??

Bewildered in Belfast


----------



## Adamantoise (Oct 7, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> Dear Kerrang
> 
> The Towers of London and Amy Winehouse are not rock....what the hell has happened to you Kerrang??
> 
> Bewildered in Belfast



Hurrah! I was gonna rep you for this,but the damned thing won't let me...


----------



## bexy (Oct 7, 2008)

Adamantoise said:


> Hurrah! I was gonna rep you for this,but the damned thing won't let me...



Aww well I got a public repping !

But seriously what the hell is going on with that mag/music channel??


----------



## Adamantoise (Oct 7, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> Aww well I got a public repping !
> 
> But seriously what the hell is going on with that mag/music channel??



I have absolutely no idea-I usually read Terrorizer now-haven't touched Kerrang for a looong ass time.


----------



## Haunted (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear Sales Manager,
If your sales reps can't Sell a job correctly then why are they still selling, I'm here to install said system not resell your reps sale. Don't placate me and try to convince me that i'm not being a Team Player i have been fixing ________ fuck up's for 4 years, If i screwed up as much i'd be fired. Oh right cause there's no-one coming in behind me to fix it !!!!!!!!

Dear sales rep,
Please Get A Clue and learn the job already I think 4 years is plenty of time 

Dear Brother,
why do you care it's my life, You don't have to agree but i expect some respect from you, there are plenty of things you do that i strongly disagree with but i keep them to myself cause it doesn't directly affect my daily life, give it up already you and your wife are the only ones being assholes over this.


----------



## bexy (Oct 7, 2008)

Adamantoise said:


> I have absolutely no idea-I usually read Terrorizer now-haven't touched Kerrang for a looong ass time.



Its a great mag! I just wish it had a music tv station so I didn't have to watch Kerrang play 4 chart songs for everyone genuine rock or metal song lol! If I wanted that I'd watch The Hits!


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear SupaSexi,

I was like, good gracious ass is bodacious
Uh, flirtatcious, tryin to show patience
Lookin for the right time to shoot my steam
Waitin for the right time to flash them keys
Then um I'm leavin, please believin
Oh, Me and the rest of my heathens
Check it, got it locked at the top of the four seasons


lol i could go on but you get the point, ur hawttttt


----------



## Haunted (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear Misty,:wubu:

I Love you, Thank you for Hanging in there. and thank you for flying all the way out here to spend the last month with me! It has been amazing this is not the end but it is however the end of the beginning, This is the start of something Amazing I love you, I will miss you, and soon we will have forever !!!!!

:smitten:Billy AKA Cupcake:smitten:


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 7, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear SupaSexi,
> 
> 
> Lookin for the right time to shoot my steam



You might want to have a doctor check that out before you hurt some one.


----------



## Adamantoise (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear People who eat with their mouths open in restaurants,

Please,stop that crap-you're making me die a little inside.

Tom.


----------



## Tina (Oct 7, 2008)

Dear Western Digital,

You can take your POS external hard drives and shove them up your collective asses, idiots. 

I'll never buy another one again. LaCie, here I come.

Most sincerely,

An ex-customer


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 7, 2008)

Dearest Jelly Belly jellybeans,

I love you with the burning passion of a kajillion suns. My loins ache with want...etc...

Munching away,
Melanie


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (Oct 7, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Anyone know how the smurfs would just replace certain words with smurf? So, in this post I shall do that except use the word snark.
> 
> Dear Snark,
> 
> ...



If the Smurfs and the Snarks had a fight who would win?

My money is on the Snarks, those Smurfs seem like p*ssies. Or are the Snarks all talk and no action? 
Things that make you go hmmmm.....


----------



## bexy (Oct 7, 2008)

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> If the Smurfs and the Snarks had a fight who would win?
> 
> My money is on the Snarks, those Smurfs seem like p*ssies. Or are the Snarks all talk and no action?
> Things that make you go hmmmm.....



Nevermind The Snarks and Smufs, The Snorks would totally win!!


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 7, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Anyone know how the smurfs would just replace certain words with smurf? So, in this post I shall do that except use the word snark.
> 
> Dear Snark,
> 
> ...



Dear BGB, 
If a snark and a smurf procreated would they be a smark, snarf, smurk or snurf? and where the hell do the snorks fit in? Two very important questions that could upset the balance of the universe. I hope to snark you have an answer.
a concerned citizen


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 7, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear BGB,
> If a snark and a smurf procreated would they be a smark, snarf, smurk or snurf? and where the hell do the snorks fit in? Two very important questions that could upset the balance of the universe. I hope to snark you have an answer.
> a concerned citizen



Okay, so, if a snark is some one being mean and a smurf is blue, I give you the only logical response I could come up with.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 7, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Okay, so, if a snark is some one being mean and a smurf is blue, I give you the only logical response I could come up with.



That is about as disturbing a picture as I've ever seen....Pennywise the Clown is a lot less scarrier than that image right there.


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 8, 2008)

Dear Smurfs, Snarks, Snorfs, smark, snarf, smurk,snurfs, dopey, sneezy, sleepy , doc, grumpy, happy, bashful, and all the little munchkins from munchkin land---PLEASE for the love of all that is holy--get the hell OUT of this thread!!!


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 8, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Smurfs, Snarks, Snorfs, smark, snarf, smurk,snurfs, dopey, sneezy, sleepy , doc, grumpy, happy, bashful, and all the little munchkins from munchkin land---PLEASE for the love of all that is holy--get the hell OUT of this thread!!!



hey I resent that....what did Sleepy ever do to you? lol


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 8, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> hey I resent that....what did Sleepy ever do to you? lol


 
Dear Kevin, 
Stay out of it! This is a fat-girl vendetta.
That bastard. his brothers and friends strip-mined my neighborhood and left it a shambles. I will have my vengence.
Terri


----------



## Shosh (Oct 8, 2008)

Dear Smurfette,

Why do you have blue boobs? I have been wondering about this since I was a kid.

Thanks

Shoshie


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 8, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Kevin,
> Stay out of it! This is a fat-girl vendetta.
> That bastard. his brothers and friends strip-mined my neighborhood and left it a shambles. I will have my vengence.
> Terri



I got no counter for that....maybe they'll eat a poisoned apple or somethin


----------



## Shosh (Oct 8, 2008)

View attachment smurfette.jpg



BBW Smurfette. She looks a lil different from the Smurfette on the cartoon series.
She still has those blue tatas though.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 8, 2008)

Susannah said:


> View attachment 51129
> 
> 
> 
> ...



now that';s more like it


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 8, 2008)

Susannah said:


> Dear Smurfette,
> 
> Why do you have blue boobs? I have been wondering about this since I was a kid.
> 
> ...


Shoshie
I love you, but there is something *so very wrong* with wondering about that  

Terri


----------



## Shosh (Oct 8, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Shoshie
> I love you, but there is something *so very wrong* with wondering about that
> 
> Terri



I dont know. When I was a kid I saw that all other women had white boobs, or black boobs, but blue boobs?

Didn't compute.


----------



## CleverBomb (Oct 8, 2008)

JerseyGirl07093 said:


> If the Smurfs and the Snarks had a fight who would win?
> 
> My money is on the Snarks, those Smurfs seem like p*ssies. Or are the Snarks all talk and no action?
> Things that make you go hmmmm.....


The Snark was much more lethal. Though, to be fair, it wasn't terribly precise.


> The Northrop SM-62 Snark was a specialized intercontinental cruise missile with a nuclear warhead operated by the US Strategic Air Command from 1958 until 1961. It takes its name from Lewis Carroll's snark, a very ambitious fictional monster with very little sense of humor.


Standard payload was a 4 megaton W-39 nuclear warhead.





-Rusty


----------



## vardon_grip (Oct 8, 2008)

Tina said:


> Dear Western Digital,
> 
> You can take your POS external hard drives and shove them up your collective asses, idiots.
> 
> ...



Western Digital is the worst. I have a LaCie drive and it has been fine , but my friend has had trouble with his. I also have a Maxtor 160G and 320G portable drives and I think they are pretty good.


----------



## largenlovely (Oct 8, 2008)

dear old college friend,

i'm so glad we found each other again. I've never had so much fun laughing with one person in my entire life. You make me laugh like no other person i've ever met and i could really use that right now  It makes me forget all my troubles and you take me to this silly fantasy land that we make up in our own heads...it's like our own language almost hehe. We've always had this "partner in crime" friendship that i've never had with anyone else and i appreciate it more than i can ever tell you. 

oh if only you were older *sigh* 

signed: your buddy


----------



## Tina (Oct 8, 2008)

vardon_grip said:


> Western Digital is the worst. I have a LaCie drive and it has been fine , but my friend has had trouble with his. I also have a Maxtor 160G and 320G portable drives and I think they are pretty good.


I guess none of them are immune to problems. Bleh. Thanks for your perspective, vardon.


----------



## Adamantoise (Oct 8, 2008)

Susannah said:


> View attachment 51129
> 
> 
> 
> ...



This guys' artwork is awesome. 

Dear Carling,

Thanks for making your lager so tasty.Srsly.

Tom


----------



## OfftoOtherPlaces (Oct 8, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> The Snark was much more lethal. Though, to be fair, it wasn't terribly precise.
> 
> Standard payload was a 4 megaton W-39 nuclear warhead.
> 
> ...



You don't call yourself Cleverbomb for nothing, do you?


----------



## SMA413 (Oct 8, 2008)

Dear Aden-

I ate one of your orange Mentoes. I'm pretty sure you owed it to me.

- Aunt Sammy

P.S. You still haven't noticed. hehe


----------



## The Fez (Oct 8, 2008)

Dear Student Radio Awards,

missing out on the final 5 entries by one place doesn't consolidate much; I still missed out!


----------



## CleverBomb (Oct 8, 2008)

Say Hello to the Angels said:


> You don't call yourself Cleverbomb for nothing, do you?


There's one at a museum near where I live, and I'm an aviation buff of sorts.
Thanks!

-Rusty


----------



## exile in thighville (Oct 9, 2008)

Say Hello to the Angels said:


> It always sucks to get a letter like this from an ex. It's like-- yes, you know you're dense, shallow, spoiled, judgmental, ride a high horse. You know you have faults. But because saying it makes it ten times worse, you wish she wouldn't.
> 
> I've been there. Feel better man.



I made a mistake writing this in public out of anger and anyone who knows me around here knows that this is a rare, misguided exception for a very direct, face-to-face talker. I just want to clear up that it is not about anyone who I have ever been romantically involved with in any way.


----------



## activistfatgirl (Oct 10, 2008)

Dear

I like you, but it's complicated. You're obnoxious, over-bearing, and lack sensitivity. Your confidence has tons of little holes in it, and many have noticed this. You muscle in around the boys, too, making it hard to breathe. I know you're not a bad person, at all, but just rather...hapless.

I really wish you well, and hope the very best for you. I just wish in the meantime I had some space totally free of you.

-AFG

P.S. This was cathartic for me. If you're reading this and think its you, its probably not. Isn't that how this goes?


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 10, 2008)

Dear M.
Thanks for listening to me when I needed a friend, and for cheering me up when I was at my wits end. You are a very nice guy and I'm glad to know you. 
Terri


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Oct 10, 2008)

Dear Dimensions,

Just when I think you can't improve my life any more than you already have, you prove me wrong.

Dear Dimmers,

Thanks for caring.

--Ginny


----------



## Shosh (Oct 10, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear Dimensions,
> 
> Just when I think you can't improve my life any more than you already have, you prove me wrong.
> 
> ...



You are welcome.


----------



## troubadours (Oct 10, 2008)

dear roommate and her boyf,

WHY do you have to go to sleep i am drunk as hell and want to have a dance party and our friends just came over witrh snacks but i had to tell them to leave cos you're asleep...

sigh
jen


----------



## frankman (Oct 10, 2008)

Dear anonymous person who saved my life

Thank you for getting me out from under the ice way back then. I probabably should have been more appreciative, but when I was twelve, facing my angry mom seemed just more important. Anyway, thanks for being there, in a way I owe everything to you.

F.


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 10, 2008)

Dear if you think I am talking about you then I might be,
I know what you were trying to do and say. I don't care what your problem is with me. I am a decent, caring and honest person who is so above that kind of drama. I don't need it to make my life interesting. I will not be dragged into your petty BS.
Love Always, Me


----------



## fatgirlflyin (Oct 10, 2008)

Dear Seattle,

I like you. A lot.

-Me


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 10, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> Dear Seattle,
> 
> I like you. A lot.
> 
> -Me



Dear Ella Bella, 

Seattle is awesome! Eat some crepes for me at Crepe De France at Pike Place Market:eat2:.

enviously, Me


----------



## SummerG (Oct 11, 2008)

Dear Universe,

Please make them stop being fucktards.

Thanks,
Me

Dear Anchor,

The clock has run out of time.

-Me

Dear You,

I love you, you are my best friend, I don't know where I would be without you. You... light up my life... heee. Don't let the FT's get ya down. Crack is whack. One day we will invent the most perfect pair of underpants and be millionaires. 

Love,
Me

Dear Universe,

On second thought... let them be fucktards... this world wouldn't be nearly as entertaining without them.

-Me, again


----------



## Sugar (Oct 11, 2008)

Dear Dr. Perkins,

Thanks will never be enough. :wubu:

Sarah

~~~~~~
Dear Celebrex,

One tiny pill...so much relief. Who knew!? :kiss2:

Love, 
The girl who just might be able to walk again soon

~~~~~~
Dear _____,

You really have a lot of nerve. Your ego knows no bounds. Even when you try to be sweet you usually end up talking mad trash and you don't even realize it. Although maybe you do realize but you don't have the sense God gave a turnip. Here's the deal...not everyone loves you so much they want to get into your pants. Seriously, get the fuck over yourself. 

Love,
Moi


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 11, 2008)

Dear Carrie

Now listenm, this aint no make believe
Come on, open your eyes and see
Now get up, get up and follow me
And Im gonna show you what the future will be 

love, 
Kevin


----------



## CleverBomb (Oct 11, 2008)

Nearby Tire Shop;

Thanks for having the somewhat-odd-sized tires my car needs in what looks to be a decent all-weather tread pattern. Wish they weren't so expensive, but I expected that when I got it in the first place. We'll see how they work on snow here in the next day or so. 

-Rusty


----------



## Emma (Oct 11, 2008)

Dear horrid person, 

I'm happy. 

Ha

Love, me.


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 11, 2008)

Dear Wal-Mart and Superstore

Thanks for making me want to blow my brains out yet again.

Love
Tired Shopper


Dear 30Rock,

I LOVE you SO much.
Especially Tina Fey. You're my ultimate girl crush. Liz Lemon + Palin? You ARE my lobster.

Love
another Tina


----------



## Paquito (Oct 11, 2008)

Dear former would-be-friend,

I confess, I feel pretty stupid about trying so hard to impress you. You appeared to be a cool, hilarious, guy and I've been trying real hard to be your friend. That is, until yesterday, when you revealed yourself to be a racist. After those thirty excruciating minutes of you're disturbing "jokes" and comments about other people, the sight of you makes me want to vomit all over myself. And to think that I was trying so hard to be your friend, how idiotic of me, and I'm disgusted by the very sight of you.


----------



## olwen (Oct 11, 2008)

Dear Circular thinking, 

You suck. I'm getting nowhere. Start making with the straight lines. I don't care what direction they go in. Just go somewhere constructive. Yeesh.

Frustratingly yours, 
O.


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear person-

I think its wonderful that you've found a place where you can be yourself and feel adored. You seem like a nice enough person. HOWEVER---you really make yourself look really, really unappealing with all your arrogance. To be honest, you've gone over the top on one too many occasions about how fabulous you think you are and its getting to be quite annoying. Can you please tone it down a little?
Thank you
Terri 

P.S. If you think that this is about you...then you must already be aware of what you are doing. Please stop, now.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear gods in the sky or down below,

Why....why was I born in 1986? Seriously....I'm way too young to be taken seriously in my own community. I have several friends that I love to socialize with at the events and I love them to death, but when the money's on the table more often than not I'm at least 10 years younger than everyone.

I hear it all the time "ohhh you're my son's age!" or "If only you were older!"

Well ya beat it out of me, I wish i WAS older. I wish I was born in 1976 then maybe I wouldn't be hearing how young I am on a consistant basis. Even my own tag team partner is approaching 30, what am I supposed to do.

The funny thing was I was already in the bbw community for 4 years before I ever started going to these things, imagine if I had been attending from the very beginning, I STILL would be hearing it 4 years later.

I can't help when I was born, just wish people would stop reminding me of it.


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 12, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear gods in the sky or down below,
> 
> Why....why was I born in 1986? Seriously....I'm way too young to be taken seriously in my own community. I have several friends that I love to socialize with at the events and I love them to death, but when the money's on the table more often than not I'm at least 10 years younger than everyone.
> 
> ...


 
Dearest Kevin
I feel this EXACT SAME WAY ABOUT MY WEIGHT. In some communities I am too thin, in others I am too fat. Wanna go to Coldstone and co-misserate with me? 
Terri


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 12, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Dearest Kevin
> I feel this EXACT SAME WAY ABOUT MY WEIGHT. In some communities I am too thin, in others I am too fat. Wanna go to Coldstone and co-misserate with me?
> Terri



I dunno about Coldstone but you and I are going to Cheers Bar in boston and drinks are on me.... lol

Btw, your weight is fine for any community, don't let the haters matter over the people who love you for who you are.


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 12, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> I dunno about Coldstone but you and I are going to Cheers Bar in boston and drinks are on me.... lol
> 
> Btw, your weight is fine for any community, don't let the haters matter over the people who love you for who you are.


 
You wont reject me cos im old enough to be your mother, will you? (kidding)


----------



## Shosh (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear Kevin,

True happiness comes from being at peace with where we are right at this very moment.

I know that you wish to find someone to love, but nothing new can come into our lives until we are truely grateful for all we hold in our hand now.

Trust that the universe will manifest all that you desire in its time, it's incubation.

Love to you

Shoshana


----------



## liz (di-va) (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear Mom,
THANK YOU.
And GO Obama!
Yours always,
Lizzy
- - - - - - - 
Dear Friends Who Listened to Me This Week, including S___, whose narrah but sympathetic ass means she isn't anywhere on this website --
THANK YOU.
Thanks for hanging in there while I made my way to balance--the venting was key, and I appreciate your faith in me while I got there.
Luv-luv,
Lizzy


----------



## mimosa (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear People who have issues with my photos,( you know who you are!!!!)

First of all....SO what if I come here to post photos? You don't know that for the first time in my life........I feel good inside! You don't know me!!!!You don't know the abuse I've been through in real life.
Although you have criticized me, been mean and hateful......I will NOT show you the same disrespect. I know that somewhere inside your hearts, you have your own body issues. I think thats puinshment enough. So far, I've seen you are having a change of heart. I am happy for you. I wish you the best in learning how to love yourself. I hope you'll learn to stop hating others and instead look inside yourself. There is nothing wrong with the way you look on the outside. You are beautiful people! Its the way you are on the inside that looks very ugly. 


Mimi:bow:


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear Who Ever is in Charge,

Can you please get these Divorces over with, and the things all settled so we can just be together in our OWN home with our kids and be happy! I'm tired of waiting, I have been waiting 6 freaking years to be with him to be happy and loved for me. I want this like tomorrow, so please get a move on.

Yours truly, 
Me


----------



## olwen (Oct 12, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> I dunno about Coldstone but you and I are going to Cheers Bar in boston and drinks are on me.... lol
> 
> Btw, your weight is fine for any community, *don't let the haters matter over the people who love you for who you are.*



Ha. Kev, i think this is good advice - for you to follow too.


----------



## Miss Vickie (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear Snow,

Go away. We're not ready for you yet. There are still leaves on the trees, and my flowers are still -- sort of -- flowering. It's too early for snow shoes for my car and I really don't feel like bundling up just yet. Can you gives us just a couple of weeks. Please? Pretty please with sugar (not snow!) on top?

No love,

Me


----------



## mimosa (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear snow....

YES! Everything Miss Vicky said. 


Mimi






Miss Vickie said:


> Dear Snow,
> 
> Go away. We're not ready for you yet. There are still leaves on the trees, and my flowers are still -- sort of -- flowering. It's too early for snow shoes for my car and I really don't feel like bundling up just yet. Can you gives us just a couple of weeks. Please? Pretty please with sugar (not snow!) on top?
> 
> ...


----------



## Shosh (Oct 12, 2008)

mimosa said:


> Dear People who have issues with my photos,( you know who you are!!!!)
> 
> First of all....SO what if I come here to post photos? You don't know that for the first time in my life........I feel good inside! You don't know me!!!!You don't know the abuse I've been through in real life.
> Although you have criticized me, been mean and hateful......I will NOT show you the same disrespect. I know that somewhere inside your hearts, you have your own body issues. I think thats puinshment enough. So far, I've seen you are having a change of heart. I am happy for you. I wish you the best in learning how to love yourself. I hope you'll learn to stop hating others and instead look inside yourself. There is nothing wrong with the way you look on the outside. You are beautiful people! Its the way you are on the inside that looks very ugly.
> ...



Dear Mimi,

I think it is wonderful that you post your photos . I have seen you grow in confidence and self esteem since you have been here at dims, and that makes my heart happy.

This site exists to affirm and uplift people of size.

Keep being the beautiful person that you are. Keep posting your photos.

Love to you

Susannah


----------



## olwen (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear M, 

I know you want to be edward scissorhands for halloween, but, I really would rather see you come to work as Dr. Horrible. Plus, you owe me a duet. Don't think that just because you're only coming in three times a week now that you can get out of singing with me. And don't give me any of that jazz about not knowing dr. horrible's parts, Oh no. I left those lyrics on your desk for a reason. It was your idea to begin with. No givesies backsies. We WILL sing. Don't make me pull out my freeze ray.... I'll use it too. 

yours in horribleness, 
C.


----------



## largenlovely (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear Nieces and Nephew: everytime you tell me, "I wuv you meme" and kiss me on the cheek, it makes me melt inside. I don't want to have children, so y'all are as close as it gets for me. I will forever love you as if you were my own.

Dear Bruce: Let me publicly apologize for the part that I played in the ugliness that transpired between us. I said some things about you that weren't very nice and just because we can't be happy together, doesn't mean that neither of us should be happy. There must have been something good about ya if i stuck around for 2 years huh?  lol. I'm just glad that we're both on the road to recovery and that maybe we can salvage a friendship that i really valued  I truly do wish you future happiness and inner peace.


----------



## UncannyBruceman (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear Melissa,

Thank you for making my dreams become a reality in the time we had together. Whatever good you saw in me, I hope that I can see it for myself one day.


----------



## mossystate (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear Snow, 


Leave Mimosa and Vickie, and come see me in Seattle!


:kiss2:,

A person who rarely sees snow, so it is easy for me to talk about how wonderful it is.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear Bruce and Melissa, 

I'm really glad you two can be friends, remember the good times you two had because that's the ones that should be cherished forever.

-

Kevin


----------



## Ash (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear AFG,

Best. avatar. ever. 

Yours in donut love,
Ashley


----------



## activistfatgirl (Oct 12, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Dear AFG,
> 
> Best. avatar. ever.
> 
> ...



Dear Ashley,

If ONLY I REMEMBERED that beautiful moment.

Though, this is probably for the best.

Admiringly,

Afg


----------



## mszwebs (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear AFG,

Less than 2 weeks and there will be drunken silliness.

I can't wait 

~J


----------



## activistfatgirl (Oct 12, 2008)

mszwebs said:


> Dear AFG,
> 
> Less than 2 weeks and there will be drunken silliness.
> 
> ...



Dear J,

I'm strangely nervous. I think part of me liked having drunk bash shenanigans happen 1000s of miles from my home, not hundreds! 

See ya soon, Afg


----------



## No-No-Badkitty (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear Lottery,


This is my third letter to you...get the led out bitch. If you don't start putting out for me there is going to be some serious hurt going on.
Tell the lottery fairy to get off her ass and get me the winning ticket for the Mega Millions or I'm going to fly paper her sorry self and pull her wings off one by one then feed what's left to the fishes....

Hugs and kisses
No-no-badkitty...


----------



## sunnie1653 (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear "Sisters," 

Thank you for allowing me to be myself, tell my secrets, and being happy for me. I dont know what I'd do without you 

*hugs and love*
Melina


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 12, 2008)

Dear Netflix, 

This makes two DVDs in the past two weeks that have been unplayable. At least this one still functions for most of the movie, but still, your recent track record is a bit lacking.

-Pissed off that he had to search for the ending of the movie on YouTube


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 13, 2008)

Dear D & A,

I feel sorry for your pets. They need more love and attention than YOU could ever provide. They're not toys...played with until you're bored then ignored.

Fuck you,
Melanie


----------



## MuleVariationsNYC (Oct 13, 2008)

Dear Fabio, 

If you can figure out a way to have Steven and Frank play together in the middle successfully, you will officially be a genius. I do not believe it is possible. Prove me wrong. But do it soon. And if you have to go with one, go with the Scouser 

ciao,

K.


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 13, 2008)

Dear Mom-
I am sorry I was such a pain in the ass while I was growing up (and out). I see now that I could have been more understanding, less difficult and try grow up faster. I hope that you start feeling better soon cos it makes me cry when I see you struggling to breathe. I will try to be more helpful cos I know that you can use all the help that you can get. 
Love you so much, 
Terri


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 13, 2008)

Dear Mom,

Please but out, I didnt ask for your help or opinion when it comes to rasing my kids. You make it impossible to parent my own children because you are always butting in. I think considering I have been at it for 14 yrs I have done a damn good job compared to your other kids with theirs. You said you couldnt wait for me to get home and take over, yet you still want to be in control. They cant have two mothers telling them to do things 2 different ways. PLEASE BUTT OUT!

Your Fat Daughter,

Misty


----------



## SMA413 (Oct 13, 2008)

Dear flight attendants-
Please, for the love of all that is holy, wear deodorant.
-18D

-----

Dear ATI test-
Where the FUCK did that come from?!
- Level 1

-----

Dear Mama Margies-
Thanks for having the best bkfst tacos and lemonade. You made my rainy, crappy Monday morning that much better.
-4.71

-----

Dear AEPi stalker-
Sorry I ditched you... but tracking me down during the party and glaring at my beer pong partner creeps me out. And then you somehow showed up at Jimmy John's later that night. How the hell does that even happen?
- S

-----

Dear Nai Nai Crai Crais-
Y'all are the funniest kids ever. I'm glad my sister has such an amazing group of friends. Thanks for the hustle with the code red. 
-Sam
P.S. Why yes, I DO have a bottle of vodka in my pocket.


----------



## TotallyReal (Oct 13, 2008)

Dear Dog Running Away With Important Artifact In His Mouth,

Stop! Stop! Here Doggie, Here! Good Boy, Stop Running, Drop The Important Artifact! Don't You Want This Nice Piece Of Bacon!

Sincerely,

Villains In Bad Children's Caper Hi-jinx Comedy Film


----------



## steely (Oct 13, 2008)

Hey kid on the 4 wheeler.Quit riding up and down the road at a hundred miles an hour.You're kicking up dirt and making me feel homicidal.


----------



## exile in thighville (Oct 13, 2008)

Dear Ms. Palin,

"Offshore drilling" took on new meaning last night, but the rimjob was truly the piece de resistance. I was dumbfounded by your versatility in regard to toys (you really, _really_ are a "hockey" mom). I owe you a lunch. 

your little polar bear,
Dan


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Oct 13, 2008)

Dear Dan,

You know what the first clue was that your above letter was a lovely piece of satire? Was it the tongue-in-cheek tone? The sarcasm? The humor?

No. 

It was the fact that it was to Sarah Palin, and well know Sarah Palin doesn't eat. 

*snicker.*

Your friend,

Ginny


----------



## exile in thighville (Oct 13, 2008)

Charlie: "But we were gonna eat blubber!"

Shonte: "Oh, she'll be eating blubber all right. Just as soon I free Willy."


----------



## FayeDaniels (Oct 13, 2008)

Dear Boobs, 

Please stop growing, bras for boobies as big as you cost small fortunes and I don't have the money to keep buying you pretty lingerie. Please be good and stay the satisfying size that you currently are.

An appreciative Faye


----------



## TotallyReal (Oct 14, 2008)

DEAR THOMAS PYNCHON

LOL NICE TEETH YOU FUCKING FREAK NO WONDER YOUR A RECLUSE! OWNED

YOUR FRIEND
TOTALLY REAL
. . . . . .


----------



## Shosh (Oct 14, 2008)

Dear Mr Wonderful,

Can you please stop blowing hot and then cold. Either you want to come here and be with me, or ya dont.

Man you make me crazy.

Shosh


----------



## SamanthaNY (Oct 14, 2008)

Dear Bette Davis: 

You are(were) not capable of a NY/Bronx accent. Evrr. Gun-to-your-head, you couldn't pull it off. You shouldn't have tried. 

And never in a million could I see you doing it with Ernest Borgnine. And the Lucy Ricardo wig? Wha?

Rly now, what were you thinking? 

Sincerely, 

Earsbleedingeyeswatering.


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 14, 2008)

Susannah said:


> Dear Mr Wonderful,
> 
> Can you please stop blowing hot and then cold. Either you want to come here and be with me, or ya dont.
> 
> ...



Dear Shosh, 

Typical!

Ken


----------



## vardon_grip (Oct 14, 2008)

FayeDaniels said:


> Dear Boobs,
> 
> Please stop growing, bras for boobies as big as you cost small fortunes and I don't have the money to keep buying you pretty lingerie. Please be good and stay the satisfying size that you currently are.
> 
> An appreciative Faye



Dear Faye's boobs,

You don't have to listen to her. Grow as big as you want. She's not the boss of you. Thank you boobs.

An appreciative jokester.


----------



## TotallyReal (Oct 14, 2008)

Dear Slick Rick,

Knock 'em out, Rick, Knock' em out the box, Rick. Knock 'em out, Rick, Kn-Kn-Knock' em out the box, Rick. Kn-Knock Kn-Kn-Knock-Knock, Knock 'em out the box, Rick, out the box, Rick, out the out the box, Rick.

Your friend,

A DT Undercover


----------



## troubadours (Oct 14, 2008)

dear Rep,

Please let me rep total real again

Thank,
Troubadour's


----------



## Shosh (Oct 14, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear Shosh,
> 
> Typical!
> 
> Ken



Dear Kendra,

This boy is driving me friggin nuts. I am really getting over it.

Make up your mind already

Love to you K

Shosh


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 15, 2008)

Dear Balance

Thanks for sucking and letting me (fall) down again today. 

Screw you,
Tina



Dear strangers

Thank you for helping me when I was down. There are some really kind people out there.

Love
The Scraped-up One in the Parking lot


----------



## Shosh (Oct 15, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> Dear Balance
> 
> Thanks for sucking and letting me (fall) down again today.
> 
> ...




There sure is.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Oct 15, 2008)

Dear Walmart Canada website: 

You fail. 

Sincerely.... rly, 

Womankind. 

View attachment walmart.jpg


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 15, 2008)

Susannah said:


> There sure is.




It's such a pain in the ass. I can't decide whether it's my unsteadiness or just plain clumsiness.


----------



## Rowan (Oct 15, 2008)

Dear all the men who have come into my life lately,

Why do you all have to be so disappointing? Why can't you ever follow through with things you say you will do? I try to give you a chance and all you do it screw things up over and over eventually leading me to not want to talk to you anymore.

Either get it together or stop talking to me and save me the trouble.

thanks,
tired of men (and really...people in general) who arent reliable.


----------



## Suze (Oct 15, 2008)

dear perfect black knee-length reasonably priced pencil skirt:
i'm so glad i finally found you. :wubu:

hugz&kizzes, 
I


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 15, 2008)

Dear asshole who stole the valuable baseball cards from the collection that I started with my now deceased Father as a child--to support your smoking/drug/drinking habit--

You disgust me you vile, thieving pig. You are a lazy, manipulative, thieving bastard. I realize that those cards only meant MONEY in your pocket to you, but they had MUCH more sentimental value to me. I spent hours and hours of time with my dad, making just the right collection. That hobby gave me something in common with him, and you callously stole my memories. You should feel proud of yourself cos yet again you took something that didn't belong to you and sold it for drug money. 

I know that you did it, and lucky for you I can't prove it, cos I surely would have you arrested for it. Everytime you smile at me, or talk to me in a nice way...it disgusts me, cos I know that you are just a sneaky, untrustworthy, deceitful, lying, travesty of life. I can't stand looking at you. YOU make my stomach turn. I pray that someday, someway, somehow, someone comes along and steals everything that has ANY sentimental value of yours--much like you did to me. I pray that when you buy your first NEW car, it doesnt get damaged when you aren't looking. I pray that you keep a tight grip on everything that means anything to you...cos I guaranteee that it will come up missing. 

I plan on making your life a living hell. You think you got one over on me, but I KNOW that you are guilty as hell. If you can steal from your own Grandma without batting an eye...you will steal from me. Be very careful who you mess with, fucktard. I am watching you and trust me, if ONE MORE thing comes up missing from our home. I WILL file a police report on your ass. I don't care if you ARE a family member. Some time in the local jail might do you a bit of good. 

Signed, 
Hell hath no fury like a woman pissed off.


----------



## furious styles (Oct 15, 2008)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear Walmart Canada website:
> 
> You fail.
> 
> ...



hey .. you wanted ULTRA strength .. crank that baby up and you'll be cleansed alright


----------



## Shala (Oct 15, 2008)

Dear Employer of my Love,

Can you please send him home for just a little bit? He has been gone for over three months traveling all over hell's half acre for you.

I need him.

Sincerely,
Lonely Without her Sweetpea

Dear New Kids on the Block,

I got tickets for your concert today. You are going to give a group of grown women a chance to relive their teenage years. You rock!

Hanging Tough,
Shala Lee

P.S. I love you Jordan!!


----------



## mimosa (Oct 15, 2008)

Dear Men

I am giving up on all of you and becoming a nun.




Goodbye,

Mimi


----------



## largenlovely (Oct 15, 2008)

Dear Mimi,

Me too ..i'm comin' with ya lol

Melissa



mimosa said:


> Dear Men
> 
> I am giving up on all of you and becoming a nun.
> 
> ...


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear GOD,

Please let me rest well tonight, and please let this be nothing, and everything be ok. 


Misty


----------



## Shosh (Oct 16, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> It's such a pain in the ass. I can't decide whether it's my unsteadiness or just plain clumsiness.



Unsteadiness is a classic MS symptom Tina. It has to do with demyelination in the brain.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear Brain,

Please refrain from ever EVER allowing me to have a dream about Dimensions that plays out like a Degrassi episode again. Seriously, running for DIMS student counsel? 

What the hell is that?! 

- Justin

PS - A vote for BGB is a vote against fat hating bigotry. :bow:

plus, free donuts and cupcakes for those participating on the weight board.


----------



## Shosh (Oct 16, 2008)

mimosa said:


> Dear Men
> 
> I am giving up on all of you and becoming a nun.
> 
> ...



I might join you at the convent Mims.


----------



## gypsy (Oct 16, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> Dear Mimi,
> 
> Me too ..i'm comin' with ya lol
> 
> Melissa



Dear Mimi and Melissa,

Do you have room for a third? 

dee


----------



## largenlovely (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear Dee and Susannah,

i saved seats just for you *pats seat* hehe

love,

Melissa



gypsy said:


> Dear Mimi and Melissa,
> 
> Do you have room for a third?
> 
> dee


----------



## mimosa (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear Sisters, Dee Susannah and Melissa,


I'll bring the chocolate and the chick flicks.




Love, Sister Mimi:bow:


----------



## Rowan (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear ladies joining the convent,

I was going to join you all and then last night...low and behold..I got asked on a date. It is set for saturday at the place i go to karoake...we'll see if he actually shows up. If he doesn't, I'll chalk it up to all guys continuing to be assholes and will be joining you in short order.

-possible future nun of the order of DIMS


----------



## mimosa (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear Rowan,

I hope you'll have a wonderful time on your date. But it if it doesn't work out, you are always welcomed to join us. 

Many blessings to you,

Sister Mimi:bow:




Rowan said:


> Dear ladies joining the convent,
> 
> I was going to join you all and then last night...low and behold..I got asked on a date. It is set for saturday at the place i go to karoake...we'll see if he actually shows up. If he doesn't, I'll chalk it up to all guys continuing to be assholes and will be joining you in short order.
> 
> -possible future nun of the order of DIMS


----------



## snuggletiger (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear GreatWhatever,
Please let me find a nice place. It doesn't have to be fancy because I haven't been ostentaious. I just want a nice 3 bedroom house where I can hang up my sign and have enough room for a friend to come visit.
signed
Snuggletiger with a sincere heart.


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 16, 2008)

Why do they tell you as soon as you find a lump to see your call your DR ASAP if all there going to do is send you for an ultasound that is going to take a week to get it done to start with!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR


----------



## QueenB (Oct 16, 2008)

note to self:

quit being so tired and emotional. it's really messing things up. 

-p


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear Globe,

Seriously.....10:30 pm to 6 AM with NO BREAKS, ever heard of slave labor?

-
Kevin


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear cold which has now turned into an upper resp. infection--

Bugger off, already--will ya? 
Its not bad enough that I have used an entire roll of toilet paper to blow my stuffed up nose AND I've used an entire package of tylenol cold, but you have to also give me headaches, congestion, chills, a fever, no energy, and a scratchy/ticklish throat that continually makes me cough? 

Please go on vacation now and leave me alone.
Sincerely yours,
Indiana Sicky


----------



## largenlovely (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear Sister Mimi,

Sounds great!! I'll bring the holy wine and we gotta party hehe

Love,

Sister Melissa




mimosa said:


> Dear Sisters, Dee Susannah and Melissa,
> 
> 
> I'll bring the chocolate and the chick flicks.
> ...


----------



## mimosa (Oct 16, 2008)

Dear Sister Melissa,

Cool! Let's party! 

Only one problem.....holy wine makes me sleepy. 


Love,

Sister Mimi:bow:



largenlovely said:


> Dear Sister Mimi,
> 
> Sounds great!! I'll bring the holy wine and we gotta party hehe
> 
> ...


----------



## gypsy (Oct 17, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> Dear Dee and Susannah,
> 
> i saved seats just for you *pats seat* hehe
> 
> ...



*snuggles up*


----------



## gypsy (Oct 17, 2008)

mimosa said:


> Dear Sisters, Dee Susannah and Melissa,
> 
> 
> I'll bring the chocolate and the chick flicks.
> ...



Dear Sisters,

We don't *have* to be celibate though, do we? I mean, just because men are getting under our collective skin doesn't mean that we can't use and abuse one here and there, right? 

*pleasesaynopleasesaynopleasesayno*

I will be an Unhappy Sister otherwise - what will I do during the chick flicks?


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Oct 17, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Why do they tell you as soon as you find a lump to see your call your DR ASAP if all there going to do is send you for an ultasound that is going to take a week to get it done to start with!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR


My father dealt with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma four times. Each time his CAT scan was in early November, results came around prior to Thanksgiving, and he never got the final news or diagnosis until after the New Year. Talk about four years where the holidays were a fucked-up, morose mess.

All my hopes that everything goes well.


----------



## SweetNYLady (Oct 17, 2008)

Dear Girls on Dims that are starting a convent,

Do you have room for one more?

Hoping,
me


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 17, 2008)

Dear Alex,

If I'm getting trainee pay I'm going straight to Caplette, this should have been settled a year ago.

-
"K.D."


----------



## mimosa (Oct 17, 2008)

gypsy said:


> Dear Sisters,
> 
> We don't *have* to be celibate though, do we? I mean, just because men are getting under our collective skin doesn't mean that we can't use and abuse one here and there, right?
> 
> ...


 Heck no! We still have needs.  Its not that kind of convent. ....largenlovely is bringing the "holy" wine..LOL


SweetNYLady said:


> Dear Girls on Dims that are starting a convent,
> 
> Do you have room for one more?
> 
> ...



Darling, we have lots of room! A warm welcome to you, SweetNYLady.


Bless you,
Sister Mimi


----------



## OfftoOtherPlaces (Oct 17, 2008)

Dear "Team Member",

Could you do these two things?
1. Punctuate. Not punctuating give you the verbal appearance of entering McDonalds without a shirt.
2. Don't write with the caps lock on. THE CAPS LOCK MAKES IT SOUND LIKE YOU ARE YELLING.

LIKE YOU ARE YELLING.


----------



## largenlovely (Oct 17, 2008)

rounding up boys periodically will be your job Dee lol


----------



## SamanthaNY (Oct 17, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> rounding up boys periodically will be your job Dee lol



Only periodically? She'll be disappointed, lol.


----------



## frankman (Oct 18, 2008)

Dear Metallica

Stop making music. You have become a farce. Spend your money and congratulate yourself with 3 of the best albums ever and 3 very amusing ones. That's 6 good albums man, it's enough. 
Why, you ask?

- Because metal-gods do not cry on television.
- Because Lars can't keep up with his own drumming anymore.
- Because all your new albums suck balls.
- Because collective rehab didn't do your music any good.
- Because you cried on television damnit.

Thank you for all you have done in the past, pass the torch to Mastodon and disappear. No tribute shows, no reunion concerts, just you on a beach pissing your cash away. We'll still have Kill em All. We'll survive.

Thanks for a lot of teen rage and some of the best tunes ever. Now get lost.

Sincerely, \nn/ :bow:

Frank


----------



## SMA413 (Oct 19, 2008)

Dear Troy-
Nice recovery. You were about to be benched, but welcome back to the game.
-Samantha

P.S. Phenomenal day today 

-----

Dear bank-
Uh, thanks for the notification that you were switching from MasterCard to Visa... I loved finding that out from the ATM today.
Go f yourself.
Samantha

-----

Dear 4 1/2 day weekend-
You've been great... but I've been getting spoiled. Going back to class on Tuesday is gonna suck.
-Sam


----------



## largenlovely (Oct 19, 2008)

Dear Sisters,

ummm ok...wait...i might be backing out on y'all lol

apparently there ARE cute and educated FA's down here afterall lol...or at least one in particular anyway 

so...i'll get back to ya on the sisterhood thang hehe

Love,

Melissa


----------



## Shosh (Oct 19, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> Dear Sisters,
> 
> ummm ok...wait...i might be backing out on y'all lol
> 
> ...



Dear Melissa,

I am already ahead of you on that one!

Love

Susannah


----------



## largenlovely (Oct 19, 2008)

lol well then ...glad we didn't don the habits yet 



Susannah said:


> Dear Melissa,
> 
> I am already ahead of you on that one!
> 
> ...


----------



## gypsy (Oct 19, 2008)

mimosa said:


> Heck no! We still have needs.  Its not that kind of convent. ....largenlovely is bringing the "holy" wine..LOL
> 
> Bless you,
> Sister Mimi




Exxxxcellent. 

How about daily prayers? Do we get daily prayers? And flogging? *shades of Monty Python coming through here*


----------



## Rowan (Oct 19, 2008)

Dear mom,

please get off my freaking ass...im not perfect like you are..im not a nurse and dont have men all over me...im so god damn sorry that i dont see stuff as dirty as you do...

do you realize i havent hurt myself in a long time until you just kept yelling at me? for no real reason??

no wonder i keep fucking moving away for men who never work out anyway because they also suck

*growly grumpy*


----------



## gypsy (Oct 19, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> rounding up boys periodically will be your job Dee lol



I promise to not let you down, Sister Lissa.


----------



## goofy girl (Oct 19, 2008)

Dear Rowan,

It sounds like you have a lot of shit to deal with right now. Sometimes relationships with family, friends or romantic partners are extremely difficult and unfulfilling. 

However, as adults it is ultimately our own responsibility to take care of ourselves and make decisions regarding those relationships. I know that a lot of people care about you very much-it's obvious from the things that people have done for you in the past. 

Please try to focus on the positive. I mean, yeah, we all deserve to bitch and vent from time to time but I sincerely hope you are taking steps to improve your life and be happy because you deserve it.

Big hugs, chickadee.

Love,
Goof


----------



## gypsy (Oct 19, 2008)

SamanthaNY said:


> Only periodically? She'll be disappointed, lol.



*cloisters Sammie into a room with nothing but Sushi and Fish Skin*


----------



## Rowan (Oct 19, 2008)

goofy girl said:


> Dear Rowan,
> 
> It sounds like you have a lot of shit to deal with right now. Sometimes relationships with family, friends or romantic partners are extremely difficult and unfulfilling.
> 
> ...



Im trying...it just gets overwhelming at times...thank you doll *big hugs*


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 19, 2008)

Dear Time,

You go by entirely TOO fast! Please slow down and let me enjoy more things...please?


Not enough time to be had,
Melanie


----------



## mimosa (Oct 20, 2008)

Dear heart of mine,

I know you are very disapointed. But you can find comfort in other things in life. Love exists. Just not the way you desire it. And somehow.....it'll be okay.



Mimi


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 20, 2008)

Dear Ziggy furface wigglebutts,

I miss you.

Love you,
"Auntie" Mellie


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 20, 2008)

Dear internetz love


You crack me up!



Best,
Tina


----------



## tink977 (Oct 20, 2008)

Dear Mr. I Invented Text Messaging,

You've made it so damn easy for us. Not only do we no longer need to see each other face to face, or pick up the phone to hear another's voice, or stay in one place by pesky IM, we can now hold multiple conversations all over the world with just the use of our thumbs. We can communicate during bathroom breaks, cooking breakfast, work, driving, working out, showering...the possibilities are endless. So, they're shouldn't be a complaint, right? NOoooooooo, this means we also have to overanalyze why someone didn't spend two seconds of their day to answer a text. There are no more excuses like "I was busy with this or that" because now we say "but it only takes a second to answer a text". I'm not answering my texts anymore...just as a boycott against the machine called "texting"....oh wait...I gotta go...I have a text.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Oct 20, 2008)

Dear Tink-

Aren't you glad that the video game people got everybody's thumbs in shape for all of that texting?

A girl who mostly uses her thumbs to hold eating utensils-
Christine


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 20, 2008)

Dear people who give a damn--

I've had it with the people who don't give a damn. As your self-appointed leader, I am asking for a rebellion. Up in arms, I say!!! Let's go kick the stuffin's out of those naysayers and ne'er-do-wells. 

Sincerely yours
Fatilla the honeybuns


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Oct 20, 2008)

To our Department Head

You are a retard. Too bad you don't have a CLUE how stupid you are and how every day you continue to show your subordinates that you have once again risen to your level of incompetence.

I hope YOUR boss is paying attention....you would think you would take some of your pay and buy a clue.

Jerk.

One of many frustrated employees.


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 20, 2008)

tink977 said:


> Dear Mr. I Invented Text Messaging,
> 
> You've made it so damn easy for us. Not only do we no longer need to see each other face to face, or pick up the phone to hear another's voice, or stay in one place by pesky IM, we can now hold multiple conversations all over the world with just the use of our thumbs. We can communicate during bathroom breaks, cooking breakfast, work, driving, working out, showering...the possibilities are endless. So, they're shouldn't be a complaint, right? NOoooooooo, this means we also have to overanalyze why someone didn't spend two seconds of their day to answer a text. There are no more excuses like "I was busy with this or that" because now we say "but it only takes a second to answer a text". I'm not answering my texts anymore...just as a boycott against the machine called "texting"....oh wait...I gotta go...I have a text.



Bill Bailey has a great song about texting, actually.


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 21, 2008)

Dear frankman,

I half agree and half disagree. I think the new album has some incredible moments and so much more potential for more great music. Where so many people are shamed from Load, Reload and St. Anger, a lot of hopes have been reestablished with Death Magnetic.

If only the production value of it didn't suck so harshly...
Talk about ripping apart and vehemently shredding the "loudness war" into oblivion...

Chimpi
Continued *Metallica* fan (other than St. Anger)


----------



## Blackjack (Oct 21, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Dear frankman,
> 
> I half agree and half disagree. I think the new album has some incredible moments and so much more potential for more great music. Where so many people are shamed from Load, Reload and St. Anger, a lot of hopes have been reestablished with Death Magnetic.
> 
> ...



You know, I'd heard one of the songs that they had released earlier from this latest album, and from what I hear, it seems that it's proved a microcosm for the whole thing. The song that I heard had some really awesome parts, but a lot of it was, at best, mediocre. There was no constant level of quality, but rather a series of sharp rises and falls.

I really do think that Metallica can make some really good music- like they used to, and haven't in recent years. I sincerely hope that their next project is an improvement over this one. I'll have to hear more of before having a firm opinion of it, but what it seems is that they're struggling to get back on track, and they're getting some of it right.


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 21, 2008)

McBeej,

I completely agree with you.
Also, I think what will make or break them at this point is not what they have recently done, but their next album as a follow-up to this unbelievable tease album.
Also, I highly recommend _All Nightmare Long_, _The Unforgiven III_ (nothing like its predecessors) and _The Judas Kiss_. The single, _The Day That Never Comes_ I think is highly entertaining, but not nearly as fantastic as those three.

*EDIT:* One thing is for sure, James Hetfield knows how to write killer riffs.


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 21, 2008)

Morning,

Why the hell do you come so early? It seems like just when I get to sleep here you come! Please take a break and sleep in, dont wake me!



Misty


----------



## Llanitas (Oct 21, 2008)

afternoon,

i love coming early and having hamburguers for breakfast. They must have ketchup, 2kg beef meat, and of course, pumpkin juice inside.

Loving you forever,

Kity.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 21, 2008)

Dear Parents from last night:

There are many, many age appropriate things to do with a child who appears to be 4-5 years old. Taking her to happy hour is not one of them.

Also....those guys carrying around large trays of food? It's HOT. If you allow, and in fact seemingly _encourage_ the little ones to careen around the dining room it's possible one of the food runners will trip over them and spill something on your child. This would be unsafe.

And while we're at it, many steak restaurants and the like keep butcher block paper on the tables. Yes, it's ok to write on it when it's on your OWN table. It's totally not acceptable to allow your children who really really should not be at happy hour anyway to run around drawing on other tables. The busboys are busy and don't have the extra time to clean up tables where nobody has even sat.

Twenty years ago if those kids even came out, they'd be assplanted the second they sat down. 

L.


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 21, 2008)

Dear Hot Fat Guy:

Even though you're not interested in me, I appreciate that you continue to stay both hot and fat. On the worst work days you provide the eye candy that lends cheer.

I particularly appreciated it a few days ago when you ducked into the dishwashing area to change your shirt and realized you'd left your sweater clear on the other side of the dining room which forced you to walk across the kitchen clad in nothing but a threadbare undershirt which gave me a *very* nice view of your amazing body while you were walking.

You're gorgeous. :wubu::wubu::wubu:

L.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 21, 2008)

Dear Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper,

I just watched Easy Rider....I didn't get it. Was the point that people can express their freedom by riding around and getting high? Maybe I was too sober to watch it, good soundtrack though.


----------



## olwen (Oct 21, 2008)

Dear BJ and Chimpi, 

Lookit, I listened to samples from the album today, and I clicked on play all, and before I knew it, the samples were all done. I thought I heard a really long sample of one song! Based soley on that I'd say the new album will probably put me to sleep. Load and Reload are unforgiveable and St. Anger had one good song. Metallica peaked a decade ago. They are done. It will be alot easier for the both of you if you just accept it. 

Signed the girl who got all the way thru "One" on Guitar Hero without skipping any notes on the first try. Woohoo.


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 21, 2008)

olwen,

Dawling (reminds me of Edna Mode from *The Incredibles*), musical careers are like ocean waves. They come and go, and even the same wave can develop offsetting tones. I openly await glorious albums from bands that have taken a long slump. I feel that Death Magnetic is a good start at rebuilding some fresh momentum. And you'll never make me accept otherwise! NEVAR!

Sincerely,
A fan that never disliked *Metallica*, even during the "Lars is a 'douchebag'" days.


----------



## olwen (Oct 21, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper,
> 
> I just watched Easy Rider....I didn't get it. Was the point that people can express their freedom by riding around and getting high? Maybe I was too sober to watch it, good soundtrack though.



Dear Hayes, 

I like that movie. They're just - free you know. Experiencing the road, experiencing life, experiencing people. They're just kind of zen. I'm deathly afraid of motorcycles, but that movie gives me urge to ride one.


----------



## olwen (Oct 21, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> olwen,
> 
> Dawling (reminds me of Edna Mode from *The Incredibles*), musical careers are like ocean waves. They come and go, and even the same wave can develop offsetting tones. I openly await glorious albums from bands that have taken a long slump. I feel that Death Magnetic is a good start at rebuilding some fresh momentum. And you'll never make me accept otherwise! NEVAR!
> 
> ...



Dear Chimpi, 

I saw Metallica way back when. They fucking rocked. If they can still rock like that live - but skip each and every song after the black album, I swear I will mosh gleefully. And if the album after Death Magnetic rocks just as hard as ...And justice for all, and Ride the Lightning, then I'll reaffirm my faith in them. Until then .

Olwen

P.S. and isn't it interesting how after all their "down with digital music" mierda, that they've suddenly embraced downloading, instead of just being visionary and taking a chance to begin with. Hmmm. Lars a douchebag, indeed.


----------



## mediaboy (Oct 21, 2008)

Dear Young Republicans,

Why are you Republicans?


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 21, 2008)

_Until It Sleeps
King Nothing
Hero Of The Day
Bleeding Me
Fuel
The Memory Remains
The Unforgiven II
Better Than You
Low Man's Lyric_

olwen,

You can't tell me all - or at least some - of those songs aren't awesome.
You're right, though. _Frantic_ is the only song on St. Anger that can hold its own. There are quite a few on Death Magnetic, though. I suggest you give the entire album a try and not just some audio clips from each song. It's quite different, even compared to every album they've released.

Chimpster

P.S. Lars learned. He's very equipped with supplying his fan even complete bootleg shows online now. His opinion back then was douchebaggery. He is now ex-douchebag, primary high school drummer.


----------



## olwen (Oct 21, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> _Until It Sleeps
> King Nothing
> Hero Of The Day
> Bleeding Me
> ...



Chimpi, 

Here's the thing. I'm ascared. Seriously. I liked Load when it was released, but it's not one of those albums I feel like I need to listen to all the time. It just doesn't hold up over time. To me, that is the mark of a good album - that it will still be good ten, twenty, or thirty years from the time it was released. I can think of a lot of albums like that, but Load just isn't one of them. If someone lends me that album I'll listen to it eagerly, but I'm just plain afraid to spend my money on it for fear that I'll listen to it a few times then get bored with it. I want music to blow me away. I hate the idea of novelty when it comes to music.

...does that make me a music snob? Yes, yes it does. 

O.


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 21, 2008)

Yes. But so (*cough* fucking *cough*  ) what? 

olwen,

You're such a musisnob.


----------



## olwen (Oct 21, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Yes. But so (*cough* fucking *cough*  ) what?
> 
> olwen,
> 
> You're such a musisnob.



::sniff sniff:: I can't help it. I have sensitive ears. They hate sounds that suck. But seriously, if one of my friends downloads it, I will ask for a copy. 

Now if only I had perfect pitch....


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 21, 2008)

olwen said:


> I have sensitive ears. They hate sounds that suck.



olwen,

And that is why you'll be in agony during Death Magnetic, not because of the music itself. Production value = Lowest they've ever done.


----------



## olwen (Oct 22, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> olwen,
> 
> And that is why you'll be in agony during Death Magnetic, not because of the music itself. Production value = Lowest they've ever done.



Hold up. Low-fi production doesn't make an album bad. Just raw. Could that be the appeal of folk music for some? Every ramones album ever made is low-fi, but those albums still kick ass. Low fidelity is part of what makes punk punk. PJ Harvey's "Dry" is really low-fi. I like that album. Sleater-Kinney, went out of their way on "The Woods" to make the first track seem low-fi (extra gain). I don't think low production values hurts rock and roll at all. Pop music is another story....dude, don't get me started on this stuff. I'll be up all night. This is after all the sort of pontificating that music snobs do.


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 22, 2008)

olwen said:


> Hold up. Low-fi production doesn't make an album bad. Just raw. Could that be the appeal of folk music for some? Every ramones album ever made is low-fi, but those albums still kick ass. Low fidelity is part of what makes punk punk. PJ Harvey's "Dry" is really low-fi. I like that album. Sleater-Kinney, went out of their way on "The Woods" to make the first track seem low-fi (extra gain). I don't think low production values hurts rock and roll at all. Pop music is another story....dude, don't get me started on this stuff. I'll be up all night. This is after all the sort of pontificating that music snobs do.



Two-and-a-half words: You'll see.
I totally agree, by the way. Where I'm definitely not an audiophile and not keen on hearing the minute details, Death Magnetic sounds the worst of all of them. Maybe "Production value = lowest they've ever done" aren't the correct words to use. I'll stand by these words I used earlier: "Talk about ripping apart and vehemently shredding the "loudness war" into oblivion..."
If you don't mind every instrument and every voice being clipped because the music is so loud (takes up so much space - fat ) then that's great, you'll feel fine during your listen. If you do mind, and find the fact that the voices and tones spread with every note, you'll bleed through the pores at every crevice. That's what really holds back the album for me. The music is pretty damn good, but whoever produced the album expected too many people to listen to it in their cars attempting to drown out outside noises (and even then it sounds worse because it's amplified ten-fold when you turn the volume up).


----------



## olwen (Oct 22, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Two-and-a-half words: You'll see.
> I totally agree, by the way. Where I'm definitely not an audiophile and not keen on hearing the minute details, Death Magnetic sounds the worst of all of them. Maybe "Production value = lowest they've ever done" aren't the correct words to use. I'll stand by these words I used earlier: "Talk about ripping apart and vehemently shredding the "loudness war" into oblivion..."
> If you don't mind every instrument and every voice being clipped because the music is so loud (takes up so much space - fat ) then that's great, you'll feel fine during your listen. If you do mind, and find the fact that the voices and tones spread with every note, you'll bleed through the pores at every crevice. That's what really holds back the album for me. The music is pretty damn good, but whoever produced the album expected too many people to listen to it in their cars attempting to drown out outside noises (and even then it sounds worse because it's amplified ten-fold when you turn the volume up).



Ah, I see. Adjust your equalizers. Turn down the base, and turn up the treble. Or listen with headphones, since you can hear more tones that way. Could be they wanted to make people feel like they were listening to a "live" performance, or give the audience that sort of feeling. That's what happens a lot at a live performance. The mics are never loud enough and the voices get a little drowned out.


----------



## Chimpi (Oct 22, 2008)

olwen said:


> Ah, I see. Adjust your equalizers. Turn down the base, and turn up the treble. Or listen with headphones, since you can hear more tones that way. Could be they wanted to make people feel like they were listening to a "live" performance, or give the audience that sort of feeling. That's what happens a lot at a live performance. The mics are never loud enough and the voices get a little drowned out.



I have adjusted, turned down, turned up and listened with headphones. Nothing helps.  It's just... sickening to me.

Dear music industry,

Please remember that people that enjoy music can get instantly turned off when you attempt to step up the other guy. Just because you have extremely expensive equipment and can handle the absurd levels of ambiance and volume does not mean we have that quality as well - hell, I don't even know if said equipment will help.
Just stop.
It's annoying.
It's discouraging.
It makes me (and others) want to stop purchasing your products. Without your customers, how are you going to make records?

A concerned customer


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 22, 2008)

*Somehow across all the miles and turns our lives have taken;

the chances that we might have missed to meet to get to know one another, to find each other.

When we are together I know that Im with the person who makes my life complete, more complete then I could have ever thought.

When I need you, you have always been there, I turn to you for trust, and you give it without judgment.

I look to you for answers and even if there not always the ones I want to hear you still inspire and encourage me, you have never let me down.

You always make my troubles go away even if its only for a little while; 

you fill me with joy and happiness that never leaves. 

You are my best friend threw it all. 

You are my soul mate, and Im thankful that you are here, 

My tomorrows are brighter and my world is a better place because you are. *

*I love you William Taylor. *​


----------



## Haunted (Oct 22, 2008)

My Everything !!!:smitten:


----------



## frankman (Oct 22, 2008)

Dear Olwen and Chimpi

Being a music snob is AWESOME. Not only do you get just the absolute bestest tunes, you can have your own little odd-one-out preferences and it only adds to the image! How sweet is that?

I'll admit, I'm a bit of a discussion freak, I kind of like to be the devil's advocate. But come on, anyone would feel warm and fuzzy and on an ego-high when you get to say stuff like: "Bob Dylan's Modern Times album just doesn't float my boat, because no album with an Alicia Keys reference will?" It's pure and unadultered snobbery, but it's fun.

Your points about production and sound are absolutely valid by the way. Nowadays production means cranking the volume of each seperate track to eleven, and in stead of adding to the dynamic of a song by working out how to use one to ten, they're inventing a twelve. But anywho:

My snobbish point remains: I really want to hear the best albums. There is a treasure of popular musical history (one of you, I can't remember which, thanks a BUNCH for mentioning PJ Harvey. That was new to me, and I absolutely love it. :bow, going back almost a hundred years: why waste time with mediocre stuff?


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Oct 22, 2008)

olwen said:


> Now if only I had perfect pitch....



Dear Olwen, 

Perfect Pitch...it's a gift AND a curse, trust me.

Smiles, TJC


----------



## mimosa (Oct 22, 2008)

Dear F

I have nothing left to say. But good luck. 



Mims


----------



## supersoup (Oct 22, 2008)

dear mango,

i am in need of one of your sen-soo-ull massages. my back is trying to kill me.


plz thx,
soup


----------



## SweetNYLady (Oct 22, 2008)

Dear Sister Mimi,

Thank you for the warm welcome into the convent. And hello everyone!

I come armed with lots of snacks and movies so we will keep busy.

Thinking she's gonna like it here,
me





mimosa said:


> Heck no! We still have needs.  Its not that kind of convent. ....largenlovely is bringing the "holy" wine..LOL
> 
> 
> Darling, we have lots of room! A warm welcome to you, SweetNYLady.
> ...


----------



## olwen (Oct 22, 2008)

frankman said:


> Dear Olwen and Chimpi
> 
> Being a music snob is AWESOME. Not only do you get just the absolute bestest tunes, you can have your own little odd-one-out preferences and it only adds to the image! How sweet is that?
> 
> ...



Or you could say Bob Dylan's relevance as a musician is debatable and he's coasting on nostalgia, but that's like blasphemy. LOL. I actually don't own any Bob Dylan records so my opinion of his music is irrelevant. Meh. But you're right, it can be fun in the right crowd, otherwise everybody just rolls their eyes.


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 23, 2008)

To whoever is in charge (AGAIN),

Ok Im done with the dry heves, I have nothing left to give. ENOUGH ALREADY!
Please stop my mind from spinning. So many thoughts, strange ones and worries. Like I have to Christmas shop this year for 3 kids alone, why do I fear that? Why do I fear I will be alone for the rest of my life, I have a man who loves me. So why do I dwell on it???? Why cant my life just settle down, why do I have all these fears, I know there unfounded!!!


----------



## Haunted (Oct 23, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> To whoever is in charge (AGAIN),
> 
> Ok Im done with the dry heves, I have nothing left to give. ENOUGH ALREADY!
> Please stop my mind from spinning. So many thoughts, strange ones and worries. Like I have to Christmas shop this year for 3 kids alone, why do I fear that? Why do I fear I will be alone for the rest of my life, I have a man who loves me. So why do I dwell on it???? Why cant my life just settle down, why do I have all these fears, I know there unfounded!!!



4-Eva. Pinky swear!!!


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 23, 2008)

Just chiming in to say how much I hate the new Metallica and seriously, this album is just straight up MEH. The production is just atrocious .. of all the elements to punch up, I really don't think Lars and his mediocre as hell drumming was the best choice. 

It's just a jumbled mess of ideas and while some of them may be pretty good, if you're in a metal band and you're writing an album this long and you've got ANY song writing talent, you're bound to come up with some decent riffs. It's putting them together that makes a difference. I've heard people praise this album just because it's a METAL album. Like, oh man, thank god for Metallica, because there aren't countless quality bands around right now releasing those EVER. 

I almost think St. Anger was some elaborate ploy to release the worst album possible to make the next one look good just because it's kinda not bad.

I'm a bit behind on this thread, ain't I?  I would've responded sooner but needed more time for the album to sink in because it's actually physically painful to listen to. 

Seriously, if you want a copy of this album, just PM me your address and I will mail it to you. No lies. WILL GIVE IT TO YOU FREE. 

I'm so glad I didn't see them on this tour. 

1. New stuff is BAD
2. Hearing James Hetfield butcher the old stuff with his horrible vocals just doesn't work for me.

Just so this post isn't totally lame.


----------



## tattooU (Oct 23, 2008)

i'm working on a half sleeve of that Iron Maiden cover. i've never heard that album (because i can't recall ever listening to a Maiden song that Bruce didn't sing on) but i'm sure it's pretty sweet. 

i'm more of a Judas Priest fan myself *shrug*


----------



## gypsy (Oct 23, 2008)

Dear Kidneys,

You suck.

But of course, you knew that already. Just reiterating. 

Signed,

Argh.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 23, 2008)

Dear Massachusettes State Troopers,

I can't drive.....FIFTY FIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 23, 2008)

Dear Karma,



THANK YOU!!!!! Please let me stay on your good side, and keep the postive rolling.:bow::bow::bow::bow:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 23, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Dear Karma,
> 
> 
> 
> THANK YOU!!!!! Please let me stay on your good side, and keep the postive rolling.:bow::bow::bow::bow:



Does this mean good news???


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 23, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> To whoever is in charge (AGAIN),
> 
> Ok Im done with the dry heves, I have nothing left to give. ENOUGH ALREADY!
> Please stop my mind from spinning. So many thoughts, strange ones and worries. Like I have to Christmas shop this year for 3 kids alone, why do I fear that? Why do I fear I will be alone for the rest of my life, I have a man who loves me. So why do I dwell on it???? Why cant my life just settle down, why do I have all these fears, I know there unfounded!!!



Dear Kali,

I still mourn the loss of married life myself (not the loss of husband...but I liked the married life most of the time). I shop for three kids alone, too. I am happy that each and every year I still manage to do this....and give my children a wonderful Christmas holiday that they always look forward to....without any help from anyone. That gives me a great pride with myself that I think I truly deserve.....
Also, I think that the fear of being alone is quite normal for many people....I feel that way myself often....even though I am happiest now that I am alone. 

Me


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 23, 2008)

Dear My Lovely Angel Green Eyed Fairy,


I agree, I dont miss my ex in the least. I miss the wife role, and the mother role. Even though Im still a mother, we arent in our own place, and I cant be fully in charge of my kids (LONG story). But maybe that is what I have been feeling, I have been struggling with it for a while now and couldnt figure it out, I think you have hit the nail on the head. I mourn not being a wife. 

I know I wont be alone for forever I have a wonderful boyfriend but he is in the East and I'm in the West, but Im scared as hell. I was with my ex since I was 15. I have known no different. I havent ever lived alone, or done things alone. When my kids are with there dad for the weekend Im lost. I sleep most of the time because I dont know what else to do, You can only clean your bedroom so many times. I go to stores and I walk around and around. I will go to eat some where but instead of getting out, I will go threw the drive thru, and sit in my car in a empty parking lot and eat. 

I am scared as hell. I will be soon taking on a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home. I will be responsiblities for all the maintance, which I have little knowledge of. The yards, everything. Things I have never had to do before. I have just been learning about my car, like the fact I dont put water in the radiator because its a sealed unit, I have to put it in the over flow, and things like that. Im just scared. My family is the type that you can ask them for help, but they always want something in return, or your made to feel like a burden on them because of it. Thank you for posting, now I know what that feeling is I have been having. 

Great big teary hugs,

Misty





Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Kali,
> 
> I still mourn the loss of married life myself (not the loss of husband...but I liked the married life most of the time). I shop for three kids alone, too. I am happy that each and every year I still manage to do this....and give my children a wonderful Christmas holiday that they always look forward to....without any help from anyone. That gives me a great pride with myself that I think I truly deserve.....
> Also, I think that the fear of being alone is quite normal for many people....I feel that way myself often....even though I am happiest now that I am alone.
> ...


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 23, 2008)

Nope no info on that yet.




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Does this mean good news???


----------



## kayrae (Oct 24, 2008)

Dear Devendra Banhart, 

You've convinced me to also want to become a little seahorse. I wish I knew you when you lived in the bay area.

Hearts and kisses, 
Kayrae


----------



## JoyJoy (Oct 24, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Dear My Lovely Angel Green Eyed Fairy,
> 
> 
> I agree, I dont miss my ex in the least. I miss the wife role, and the mother role. Even though Im still a mother, we arent in our own place, and I cant be fully in charge of my kids (LONG story). But maybe that is what I have been feeling, I have been struggling with it for a while now and couldnt figure it out, I think you have hit the nail on the head. I mourn not being a wife.
> ...


Misty, 

I was once in the same exact boat - raising three kids alone, and it was frightening as hell. The thing that took me a long time to realize is that, as far as going out alone....no one is really paying attention. Yes, it's lonely, but if you're determined to enjoy your own company and not think about the negatives, you can actually have a very nice time because you only have yourself to please. 

As far as responsibilities....damn right they're intimidating, but....if you don't take care of them, who will? You do what you have to do for you and your kids, and if you mess up, you pick up the pieces and move on, hopefully learning from the mistake. Don't let the fear keep you from enjoying this time with your kids. Keep your chin up and realize that, in the end, it will all be worth it. 

Also...there are tons of single mother support groups out there...probably at least one in your area. Might that be something you would find helpful?


----------



## JoeFA (Oct 24, 2008)

Dear John McCaine,
Sorry about the election loss (and yeah i know it's not over yet, but face it you've lost), i know how you feel, a bit.
Well, put it this way, at least you won't have to worry about Sarah Palin "accidentally" shooting you in a hunting incident.
Me (Yeah, you know who i am)


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Oct 24, 2008)

Dear Rain -







Stop







Kthxbye


----------



## mimosa (Oct 24, 2008)

Dear Jennifer Hudson,

You and your family will be in my prayers. God bless you.


http://omg.yahoo.com/news/jennifer-hudsons-mother-killed-reports/14610;_ylt=Ag1.Sqe8Hz5OAdzNoSNiVwsPpxx.;_ylv=3



Mims


----------



## olwen (Oct 24, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Just chiming in to say how much I hate the new Metallica and seriously, this album is just straight up MEH. The production is just atrocious .. of all the elements to punch up, I really don't think Lars and his mediocre as hell drumming was the best choice.
> 
> It's just a jumbled mess of ideas and while some of them may be pretty good, if you're in a metal band and you're writing an album this long and you've got ANY song writing talent, you're bound to come up with some decent riffs. It's putting them together that makes a difference. I've heard people praise this album just because it's a METAL album. Like, oh man, thank god for Metallica, because there aren't countless quality bands around right now releasing those EVER.
> 
> ...



Dear BGB, 

On a related note, Chinese Democracy drops Nov 27.  You can stream one of the tracks on gunsnroses.com. It didn't think it would be good, but I didn't think it would be effing atrocious. 17 years for that? (use your illusion 1&2 released 1991) Is GNR even relevant anymore? Will people actually buy this album?

Ironically, Appetite for Destruction is one of those albums I listen to every now and again. It holds up.


----------



## CleverBomb (Oct 25, 2008)

olwen said:


> Dear BGB,
> 
> On a related note, Chinese Democracy drops Nov 27.  You can stream one of the tracks on gunsnroses.com. It didn't think it would be good, but I didn't think it would be effing atrocious. *17 years for that? (use your illusion 1&2 released 1991) Is GNR even relevant anymore? Will people actually buy this album?*
> 
> Ironically, Appetite for Destruction is one of those albums I listen to every now and again. It holds up.



Dear Time;

Knock it off.
This "marching on" thing is getting old.

-Rusty
(also getting old)


----------



## kayrae (Oct 26, 2008)

My dearest secret DIMS crush, 

Where have you been hiding? You don't post anymore and that makes me sad.

XOXO, 
Kayrae


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 26, 2008)

Dear people who made my fluffy, soft-lined mocassin type slippers~

I <3 you, I really do. My feet are so warm and toasty right now. 

Thank you.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 26, 2008)

Dear Kevin Hayes,

You need to put Ajax and T.R.P. away....if people don't like you for who you are, they don't deserve your time anyway. You don't wear leather vests or armani suits, you wear t-shirts and jeans. If girls don't like that, its their own loss, not yours. If you'd rather spend a night at Cheesecake Factory and come home to cuddle up with a blu ray DVD, if someone doesn't want to do that, why are you after them to begin with? If someone says they don't click with you, they said it for a reason, and there's nothing you can do about it. You are who you are and people are going to hate you, but people are going to love you too...hold them close and don't let go

Also, you may be "too young" for people now, but the way the bbw community is growing with an influx of younger people, at this rate in one calander year YOU'LL be the older one. 18-21 year old girls will come to the dances and see that there are guys that like big girls, and they'll tell their friends and soon they'll be 5-6 more big girls that are YOUNGER than you. All you need is patience dude. You're Randy Orton and Bruce is Triple H for a reason, its not your time yet. In 2004 Orton won the world title but Triple H took it away from him first try, it wasn't Randy's time yet....4 years later and Orton was ranked number 1 on the PWI 500. You may be in the shadow so to speak now, but eventually it'll be your time to shine. You can't be held back forever, just need to put it all together

You don't need to dress up and spout off catchprahes, and you certainly don't need to punch walls and say you're gonna "wreck" other F/A's. Both those aspects are apart of you, but not individually. Controll yourself and most importanly, BE yourself. There are two sides of you, but both of them turn people off individually which is why combining them is the only way to truly be yourself.

If the gothic and or dorky girls you have crushes on prefer skinny weed smoking dudes with beards over your clean cut muscles, don't take it personal, everyone has a right to their own preference. Its the same damn thing as you liking fat girls over skinny girls. 

If paysite models have guys lined out the window that want to get in their pants but you just want to be their friend, guess what, they'll want to talk to you because they know you're a good guy. They may not want to be anything more than friends, but when you think about it, would you rather have friends than no one at all? They have their own lives and their own problems, but when they talk about it to you, it means they're opening up to you. Think about that, the people "bitching about their boyfriends" are turning to YOU because they trust you more than these other clowns that are just looking for a quick 15 or to beat off to one of their vids. YOU'RE the good guy, so act like it and stop whining. Yes, you do want someone to snuggle with, but you can't expect everyone else to want that too

You've fucked up a lot recently and let a few really special people go because of your own bullshit. You are a good person, you just need to slow down, be yourself and don't take every little thing personal. There are girls that deleted you off myspace and deleted your phone number because you were a jerk to them, be a man, admit your mistakes and move on.

Lastly, slow the fuck down. You come on way too strong and you derail yourself before you even get untracked. Some of the girls you've gone out with probably would have loved to go on second dates had you not come on too strong the first time. You have a picture of Lizy in your wallet as a reminder not to fuck up a good situation ever again, well you keep fucking up anyway. You are capable of making a girl feel like a million bucks, just need to learn patience

-
El Gringo Loco


PS - Your ex just got engaged, rather than cry about it, support her. By showing her support and not wishing it was you, you are being a man about it and that's what gets YOU respect.


----------



## Shosh (Oct 26, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Kali,
> 
> I still mourn the loss of married life myself (not the loss of husband...but I liked the married life most of the time). I shop for three kids alone, too. I am happy that each and every year I still manage to do this....and give my children a wonderful Christmas holiday that they always look forward to....without any help from anyone. That gives me a great pride with myself that I think I truly deserve.....
> Also, I think that the fear of being alone is quite normal for many people....I feel that way myself often....even though I am happiest now that I am alone.
> ...



Bless you and your children Caroline. You should be so proud that you give your children such a wonderful holiday experience every year.
You are a true Momma.


----------



## Shosh (Oct 26, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Dear My Lovely Angel Green Eyed Fairy,
> 
> 
> I agree, I dont miss my ex in the least. I miss the wife role, and the mother role. Even though Im still a mother, we arent in our own place, and I cant be fully in charge of my kids (LONG story). But maybe that is what I have been feeling, I have been struggling with it for a while now and couldnt figure it out, I think you have hit the nail on the head. I mourn not being a wife.
> ...



It takes many small steps to run a marathon. Just take each day as it comes.

There are people out there who do want to help if you let them.

Bless you and your children Misty.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 26, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Dear My Lovely Angel Green Eyed Fairy,
> 
> 
> I agree, I dont miss my ex in the least. I miss the wife role, and the mother role. Even though Im still a mother, we arent in our own place, and I cant be fully in charge of my kids (LONG story). But maybe that is what I have been feeling, I have been struggling with it for a while now and couldnt figure it out, I think you have hit the nail on the head. I mourn not being a wife.
> ...



Dear Misty,

Trust me when I tell you that I understand your apprehension. You have spent your whole adult life married by the sound of things. I was in the same boat...married at 19 and for the second time at age 22. I prefer to think of it as something I have done that some will never do.....and learn from it. 
You are not 15 anymore....you are wiser, smarter, stronger and much more capable now. You love your children and you want to give them the life they deserve.....I know you can do this. 
There is no pride like that which we have in our children....and there is no pride like taking care of yourself and them will give you. Don't be frightened....this is a new beginning in your life. That three bedroom house...it is your new home. You should be excited at the new independence you are gaining. People will help you....your children will help you...and you will find that strong part of yourself in the process. THAT is who you can depend on through it all....your stronger self. You are a capable person.....you just have yet to realize how capable. Be excited for that, too....this new part of yourself that you will soon meet and be. 
Trust me.....you will be fine.  

Sincerely,
Caroline

P.S. You also have a bonus prize...a man that loves you that will be joining you down the pike......you seem truly blessed to me


----------



## Sugar (Oct 26, 2008)

Dear You,

Please don't say "I love you" right now. Love and strong feelings are two different things...much like yams and sweet potatoes. They may have the same qualities but they are for sure two different things. 

To be fair, and just so you know...I have to stop myself from blurting out I love you on a regular basis. :wubu:

We should both be patient.

Refusing to say "love you",
Sarah

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Me,

You have to stop beating yourself up over your actions this spring & summer. You didn't know he was going to be so freakin' fantastic. :doh:

Sincerly a reformed ageist,
Moi


----------



## Adamantoise (Oct 26, 2008)

Dear People Of Dimensions Forum,

Thanks for making me feel welcome.

Yours Faithfully,
Tom.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 26, 2008)

Dear asshole, 

The reason no one likes you is because you're an asshole, stop being an asshole and over analyzing this. 

Pointing out the obvious,

BGB


----------



## mossystate (Oct 26, 2008)

Dear Taco Time, 

You must a buttload of inspirational post-it notes on your bathroom mirror. How are you able to gaze upon your fierce self.

Be sure to place a fresh quesadilla in your snare.

Warmly, 

Pasty Patty


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Oct 26, 2008)

Dear cute boy who just showed up at my door asking for me,

I'm sorry I had my housemate answer the door for me. I'm still in my pajamas, because it's been a lazy day, and I didn't want to answer the door like that. Who ARE you? Come back!


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 26, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear asshole,
> 
> The reason no one likes you is because you're an asshole, stop being an asshole and over analyzing this.
> 
> ...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OlfJG7EgqU


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 26, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear asshole,
> 
> The reason no one likes you is because you're an asshole, stop being an asshole and over analyzing this.
> 
> ...




This is a post for special people and special cliques- just be politically correct.

This is also not fair to BHMs


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 27, 2008)

Dear Hot Fat Guy:

Here's the thing. I'm starting to wonder about you. It seems that more and more you're making jokes and teasing me and allowing me to tickle or mock hit you after you tease me. To be honest, you don't exactly seem to dislike it. I think if i didn't want somebody's attention I'd stay away from them and not tease them, and certainly not tease them KNOWING the outcome would be them tickling my love handles and/or lightly punching my belly. You know good and well I'm into you and I suspect what has happened is this is your first exposure to an FFA and I think even if you're not crazy about me personally, I think you like being a sex object.

L.

Dear Cute Hookup:

A**hole. WHAT was the point in asking me to take your phone number if you didn't want to see me again? All you had to do the next morning was say "It was nice meeting you. Maybe I'll call you sometime." You did NOT have to say "let me give you my number" AND ask me if I wanted to go to a certain restaurant. Making vague suggestions like "we should go out sometime" is understood to be noncommittal but when you say "Have you tried _____? I'd love to go there." It is implying a level of interest. And emailing me to tell me what you'd been up to and saying you'd call me Friday night? BIG EFFING DICKHEAD MOVE. You're not into me? Then leave me alone. You knew I really liked you.

L.

Dear Cute Guy I met tonight:

Thanks for the ego boost! You have a cute smile and a nice body and I loved it when you asked for my phone number, all simple and straightforwardlike. I also loved how you asked if I was seeing anyone and let me know you were divorced. You came across as super honest and non-game playing. I loved flirting with you and the attention really cheered me up. If you call I would love to go out with you.

L.


----------



## kayrae (Oct 27, 2008)

Dear F*ckface, 

Your youtube videos have really alienated me. I cannot believe that I thought you were my friend. YOU'RE MARRIED, for crying out loud! I hope your wife sees that video and socks you in the face for being such a major a-hole. Please don't talk about the sanctity of marriage when you've admitted to cheating on your wife with both men and women multiple times. You are the prime example as to why straight people aren't the only ones who should be allowed to get married in California. 

I'd delete you off myspace, facebook, and livejournal but you know some pretty good secrets about me and I'd like it to stay a secret. I'm just going to slowly fade away and hopefully you won't even notice that I'm not around. 

Dissapointed, 
Kayrae


P.S. Just because you're nice to Asians doesn't mean you're not a racist.


----------



## mossystate (Oct 27, 2008)

Dear you,

Ha Ha!


Love,

Mossystate


----------



## Your Plump Princess (Oct 27, 2008)

Dear Inspiration for Masturbation,


You seem alright. Your Cute.
To answer your question? 
Yes. I'd gladly have sex with you.
But that's ALL I'd want from you, other than our "friendship".

Thank you for the many Orgasms!

Me Myself and I



Dear Friends, And Parents

Yes. 
I am 18 years old, Have never had a boyfriend IRL.
Yes. I am 18 and have never kissed someone or had sex.
But NO I do not NEED nor do I WANT a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I Agree. My Reasoning is stupid and childishly naive. 
But I Honestly don't want a relationship until after college.
Relationships just complicate shit! I don't need that anymore.
My Time Alone, is my time to grow. You want me to be my own person
But you want me to have a boyfriend and be ''normal'' 

MEGAN TO EARTH! COME IN EARTH! I will NEVER be NORMAL.
You say it's my way of 'standing out' 
NO. It's my way of EXPRESSING Myself and being COMFORTABLE.


So Next Time you Critize my Single Status, Or my Makeup / Hair / Clothing Choices/Styles
Please, LET ME BE MYSELF


Sincerely,
Your Daughter and Friend For Life. [Or until one of us disowns the other]





Dear Dad,

Stop Loving Her More than Me... 
Stop Putting her on a pedastol and me in a pile of shit.
She can assume things, and she's wonderful.
I assume things, and I'm just a fucking stupid kid and Get my ass reamed out.
She doesn't sweep all the rooms herself like I did. No. She gets help.
But when I asked for help, you told me I couldn't get it cause that was my chore.
I Fucking. HATE. How you love her and her son more than me. 

You ask why I have been a bitch lately.
Maybe because I can't get two minutes alone with you without her or him up our ass.
She gets to spend alone time with you.
But your own daughter can't? 

Emotionally Yours,
Your Sweet Little Girl Turned Bitter Old Hag





Dear Stepmom,

FUCKING BE A MOTHER! 
Get your ASS off the computer and spend some damn time with your kid! 
MORE THAN AN HOUR A DAY WOULD BE NICE
NO. That DOESN'T include dinner.

You And My father spend 90% of your time in that damn bedroom Most days.
I think your son deserves better.
And I'm getting pretty damn tired of being the only one entertaining him.
And Seeing him cry because he asks to come by you, says He just wants to spend time with you, ACTS LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD, and gets yelled at. Or told "Get the HELL out of my room before I BEAT you" 

...And you WONDER why the fuck he cries? 

I'd Cry too if you yelled at me all the time! 
... Infact, I DO Cry when you yell at me. 
You are a Control Freak. A Religious Nutjob.
And Personally, If I didn't think he'd choose you over me, and I didn't put his happiness over my own. I'd Make your Ass leave. 


Your Destructive to my health.
And some days, I really REALLY wish I could piss you off enough to re-blow your anurism.


Sincerely
Your 'Stepdaughter' that you've stalked since I was 7


----------



## QueenB (Oct 27, 2008)

note to self:

gotosleepgotosleepgotosleepgotosleeeeeeeeep.

p.s. guhhh


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 27, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Cute Hookup:
> 
> A**hole. WHAT was the point in asking me to take your phone number if you didn't want to see me again? All you had to do the next morning was say "It was nice meeting you. Maybe I'll call you sometime." You did NOT have to say "let me give you my number" AND ask me if I wanted to go to a certain restaurant. Making vague suggestions like "we should go out sometime" is understood to be noncommittal but when you say "Have you tried _____? I'd love to go there." It is implying a level of interest. And emailing me to tell me what you'd been up to and saying you'd call me Friday night? BIG EFFING DICKHEAD MOVE. You're not into me? Then leave me alone. You knew I really liked you.
> 
> L.



Dear LoveBHMS, 
I effing hate when guys have done that in the past to me too. We are both adults and go into it for a little non comittal fun so there is no reason to make a person think there will be more to it and plant false hope in their head. Whats up with that
K


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 27, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear LoveBHMS,
> I effing hate when guys have done that in the past to me too. We are both adults and go into it for a little non comittal fun so there is no reason to make a person think there will be more to it and plant false hope in their head. Whats up with that
> K



Dear Kendra-

I don't get it either! And this was not even a sex thing, no sex of any kind. We just spent the night talking and smooching a bit. He was talking to me about his work and his kid and about parenting--serious stuff. And all the "I want to go here and there and do this and that" with you came from him, I never said anything about seeing him again. Now I think a guy knows if he likes you or not, and if not? Just let it go. Adults are smart enough to know a polite brush off. Offering me your phone number is not a polite brush off. And emailing me to tell me where you've been and what you've been up to AND a specific day you're going to call me after work? Rude and pointless.

I'd think it's ego, but since you never speak to the person again you don't know if they were happy you didn't call. 

L.


----------



## sweet&fat (Oct 27, 2008)

Dear L and K,

I think a lame move like that allows him to be flirty and enjoy your attention in the moment and think, "wow, she's great, we should get together some time" and never follow up. That way, at least in his mind, no feelings are hurt, it's just that nothing came of it. He meant it in the moment, after all. That behavior, IMO, is careless and seriously rots.

-L



LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Kendra-
> 
> I don't get it either! And this was not even a sex thing, no sex of any kind. We just spent the night talking and smooching a bit. He was talking to me about his work and his kid and about parenting--serious stuff. And all the "I want to go here and there and do this and that" with you came from him, I never said anything about seeing him again. Now I think a guy knows if he likes you or not, and if not? Just let it go. Adults are smart enough to know a polite brush off. Offering me your phone number is not a polite brush off. And emailing me to tell me where you've been and what you've been up to AND a specific day you're going to call me after work? Rude and pointless.
> 
> ...


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Oct 27, 2008)

Dear Crush....

*Sigh* *Giggle* *Sigh* *Blush* 

Nancy


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Oct 27, 2008)

Dear Me,

In retrospect, perhaps eating that six-pack of sugar-free* chocolate pudding all at once was not the best idea.

A little wiser,

Me.

*The store only had sugar-free left. Never will I make this mistake again. lol


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 27, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> Dear L and K,
> 
> I think a lame move like that allows him to be flirty and enjoy your attention in the moment and think, "wow, she's great, we should get together some time" and never follow up. That way, at least in his mind, no feelings are hurt, it's just that nothing came of it. He meant it in the moment, after all. That behavior, IMO, is careless and seriously rots.
> 
> -L



Dear S&F:

Lame is right. It also seriously chaps my hide because he has a daughter and he was talking about how being a dad has changed him and made him so sensitive to sexism and how women are treated. Someday when his own little girl encounters a man that is disrespectful and dishonest, I hope upon hope he remembers back to how he himself behaved.

OTOH. The cute guy mentioned in the third letter called today, so as "The Rules" say....NEXT!

Also I'm going out on the town with Waxwing on Wednesday and Thursday nights, so who knows what we may sample from the male buffet of Boston?



L.


----------



## Lovelyone (Oct 27, 2008)

Dear internet stalker--
Your mom called, she wants you to bring home a gallon of milk and some *scrubbing bubbles for the shower. She is worried that you are leaving the front desk unattended. You should spend more attention on your mother and work, than you do me. Kthxbye.


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 27, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear S&F:
> 
> Lame is right. It also seriously chaps my hide because he has a daughter and he was talking about how being a dad has changed him and made him so sensitive to sexism and how women are treated. Someday when his own little girl encounters a man that is disrespectful and dishonest, I hope upon hope he remembers back to how he himself behaved.
> 
> ...


Dear L, 
Have fun on Thursday and say hello to Waxwing for me 
Kendra


----------



## Les8 (Oct 28, 2008)

Dear "you",

You suck big time.

-Me


----------



## Red (Oct 28, 2008)

Dear Dimensions Gossipmonger,

Seriously love, got nowt better to do?

Love

Lorna


----------



## exile in thighville (Oct 28, 2008)

Dear Marc Hogan-

Deerhunter is not a "pop band." Bradford Cox is not a "classic outcast like Trent Reznor." The "big question" is not why Deerhunter haven't followed in the footsteps of Grizzly Bear and Liars to opening for Radiohead. There is no "encoded message." "Nothing Ever Happened" is indeed relatively fast but "fist-pumping"? Maybe whatever you pump with them. There is no such thing as "hypnotic Kranky ambience." Cox does not "explain his musical approach" in the lyric you cited from "Green Jacket." "Microcastle" bears no resemblance to the Breeders' "No Aloha" you fucking 90s-misinterpreting germ of shit. YOU "don't know Cox."

Stop reviewing records, you suck you suck you suck you want flaming rotting fecal dog dicks all over unpleasant places. I hope you accidentally take a shit in your own mouth while you sleep.


----------



## Shosh (Oct 28, 2008)

View attachment phphP3C27AM.jpg



Dear Daddy,

I miss you. It has been four long years since I have seen your beautiful face, or put my arms around you and hugged you.
Before the night that you left, we had never gone a single day without talking to each other. Your absence is really hurting my heart.

I do not know if I will see you again. I am scared that you will no longer remember who I am. I know that you are sick, and you may no longer have any memories of your children.

I am ok Daddy. I have had a few bumps in the road in the last few years, but I will be ok.

You should see your little grandson Marcus. He is such a delight, and he looks just like you.

Simon gave him a Latin name to honor your love of all things ancient Roman.
Marcus Aurelius.

Matty is getting married in February. I know that you will not be there to give one of your notoriously long winded speeches. Thank goodness for small mercies.

Daddy I remember all the wonderful childhood memories. You are second to none as a father. You had me tucked up under your wing and all.

I love you Daddy. My heart.

Love

Shoshie Boo Boo Eyes.


----------



## KendraLee (Oct 28, 2008)

Dear Shoshie,
I am so sorry you are hurting and missing the father of your memories and I am happy you have such wonderful memories to cherish. I know you are scared but also remember that there is a piece of him left in there and that piece of him is scared too. Just be there for him the best you can regardless if he knows who you are. You know who he is, a wonderful man who loved, supported and raised a thoughtful caring person.
All my thoughts, Kendra 


Susannah said:


> View attachment 52551
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## Rowan (Oct 28, 2008)

Dear body,

Would you PLEASE stop being sick...you've lost 10 pounds in the last 5 days...if you want to have me lose weight..could you tell me in some other way than the way you are currently please?? I'm tired of this...bleh

- sick and tired


----------



## Sugar (Oct 28, 2008)

Dear Medication,

I know you're supposed to help in the long run but, can you stop beating the hell out of me for a few days? Work doesn't care that I am dizzy or about to barf all over my keyboard or that you make me want to passout. 

Glad we could have this talk...and you agree to stop being so argumentative with my body.

Love you,
Sarah


----------



## activistfatgirl (Oct 28, 2008)

Rowan said:


> Dear body,
> 
> Would you PLEASE stop being sick...you've lost 10 pounds in the last 5 days...if you want to have me lose weight..could you tell me in some other way than the way you are currently please?? I'm tired of this...bleh
> 
> - sick and tired



Dear my body,

You're getting the same letter! Minus the weight loss and plus ragged, wheezy breath and phlegm-y vomit.

I'm going to continue my TONS O' WATER treatment, dear body, but since I drug you into work, I will drink a cup of coffee. Please don't let this ruin all the hard work I've done trying to get your immune system to do something.

Gasp!Cough!Wheeze,

Your brain.


----------



## KaliCurves (Oct 28, 2008)

Dear Body,

Please be nothing, please let the biopsy be nothing, please I have 3 little girls who need a momma!!!!

Me


----------



## Haunted (Oct 28, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Dear Body,
> 
> Please be nothing, please let the biopsy be nothing, please I have 3 little girls who need a momma!!!!
> 
> Me



Every Wish, Prayer, and ounce of Karma I am allowed is Heading Straight to you. 

To Whom, It May Concern,

no more requests or favors for ME! Just Make it Be Nothing, Please


----------



## Sugar (Oct 28, 2008)

Dear You,

Your texts make me so genuinely happy. :wubu: Thanks.

Cordially,

The girl trying to keep it somewhat cool here...


----------



## steely (Oct 28, 2008)

Dear tooth,
Please hang in there until the dentist appointment!
KTHNX!


----------



## CAMellie (Oct 28, 2008)

Hey you,

Thanks for being so patient and understanding while I'm dealing with all this emotional bullshit right now. You remind me why I fell in love with you every, single day.


Here's to another 7 wonderful months...and many, many more,
Melanie aka lover love


----------



## LoveBHMS (Oct 28, 2008)

Dear Ivy and Waxwing-

Everything you both said, especially the ape thing.

Hee.

<333333333333333333333333333333333333
L.


Dear Coworker-

Thank you for doing all those imitations of the Swedish Chef from the muppets. They make me laugh and it's so sweet that you're trying to help.

L.


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 29, 2008)

Dear Boston Globe Foreman,

You owe me overtime since I worked 7 straight hours without a break, if you don't pay me then I go straight to the union president, your choice.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Oct 29, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Boston Globe Foreman,
> 
> You owe me overtime since I worked 7 straight hours without a break, if you don't pay me then I go straight to the union president, your choice.



Dear KHayes,

I'd be careful about naming my employer on a message board that is accessible to the general public. You'd be surprised at the stuff that your employers can routinely dig up, and then use as a legitimate excuse to get rid of you.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 29, 2008)

^^^ Agreed up there with that. Gotta be careful what you post online. Don't want your employer seeing it. 

Dear pimp,

You ain't pay me for that overtime I been doing out on Main Street for you. I even let those guys (*&!^* me and than &^*^ and I still ain't seen my cut!

Trickin' ain't easy,

Baby J


----------



## Love.Metal (Oct 29, 2008)

Dear Boy,

You guessed that I like fat guys, but I was a chicken shit and didn't admit to it. You asked me straight out last night if I do...and I pretended to be asleep. Smooth.

So yes, Boy...I DO like fat guys. 

A lot.

A lot A lot A lot A lot.

And just because you're skinny...doesn't mean I don't like you 

Because I do.
Now go eat a burger, please.


<3 Girly


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 29, 2008)

Dear Guy on my Messenger List,

I'm glad we straightened things out last night. I should have expressed myself sooner but sometimes that is hard for me to do when my feelings have been hurt. 

Me


----------



## KHayes666 (Oct 29, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> ^^^ Agreed up there with that. Gotta be careful what you post online. Don't want your employer seeing it.
> 
> Dear pimp,
> 
> ...



Good advice....can't change it now, oh well.

I'm only there for 5 more months anyway, just gotta hang on


----------



## Surlysomething (Oct 29, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear KHayes,
> 
> I'd be careful about naming my employer on a message board that is accessible to the general public. You'd be surprised at the stuff that your employers can routinely dig up, and then use as a legitimate excuse to get rid of you.



Yeah, scary.

We've all heard of the Dooce, right?


----------



## largenlovely (Oct 30, 2008)

Dear God,

Thank You :wubu: 

Love,

Me


----------



## swamptoad (Oct 30, 2008)

Dear leftovers,

I didn't think that you'd still taste good. You were in the fridge
for a while and I thought that you were starting to turn. Thank
you tupperware containers for keeping the Gumbo fresh!

Sweet!

*burp* my compliments!


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 2, 2008)

Dear person who stood me up today~

Thank you! You really made my day. 
I suspected that you weren't a man of your word after standing me up the first time. The truth is, I didn't really want to date you and I already told you all the reasons why. You are too old for me, not at all my type, and to be quite frank, I only ask for respect from the men I date--and I do not consider it respectful to leave a woman wondering what is going on because you are too lazy to dial a 7-digit phone number. 

Since asking me out for a second date, you not only DIDN'T call me on tuesday like you said that you would--but you also didnt call me on friday like you said you would. Standing me up today was the last straw. You've already wasted too much of my time on this charade. Please dont EVER ask me out again. I don't really want to hurt your feelings, but I will. 

relieved that I didn't have to go out, 
Terri


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Nov 2, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Dear person who stood me up today~
> 
> Thank you! You really made my day.
> I suspected that you weren't a man of your word after standing me up the first time. The truth is, I didn't really want to date you and I already told you all the reasons why. You are too old for me, not at all my type, and to be quite frank, I only ask for respect from the men I date--and I do not consider it respectful to leave a woman wondering what is going on because you are too lazy to dial a 7-digit phone number.
> ...



Dear Person who stood up Terri.

You may not realize it right now, but this is likely the biggest loss of your life. Terri is not only Lovely, as her name implies, but warm, funny, and sincere. I have rarely in my life meant it more when I've said:

*This is YOUR LOSS, buddy. 100% YOUR LOSS.*

Have a crappy day, dude. That's all you'll ever have knowing you lost what could have been the best thing that ever happened to you.


----------



## Haunted (Nov 2, 2008)

Misty Dawn, 

Im so glad you came into my life even though being apart is so hard I wouldnt give you up for anything because I know for every lonely sad moment I go through now. There will be a *Shit-ton* More happier times In the future with you! You are my everything, you make every day brighter and every Morning warmer and every minute worth living,

I Love you 4-eva:kiss2:
Cupcake


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 2, 2008)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear Person who stood up Terri.
> 
> You may not realize it right now, but this is likely the biggest loss of your life. Terri is not only Lovely, as her name implies, but warm, funny, and sincere. I have rarely in my life meant it more when I've said:
> 
> ...


 
Dear Ginny
Thank you for that ringing endorsement. Kind words never fall on deaf ears. (and are never forgotten). I hope someday to be able to afford to go to one of the dances you attend and give you a fat girl hug for that! 
Terri


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 2, 2008)

Dear TNT movie channel--
You know I love you. You know that you are my favorite channel on t.v.
For the love of couch potatoes EVERYWHERE, could you PLEASE pull out other movies from your vast arsenal of wonderful movies? 

Titanic and Lord of the Rings are wonderful movies, but they get old really fast when you show them OVER and OVER and OVER again. While I am on the subject, can you please stop playing the SAME freaking movie all weekend long? Seriously...showing the same movie 4 times in one weekend is a little too much and quite frankly makes it look like someone in your organization was too lazy to dig through the vault and find several other entertaining movies to share with the general public.

I don't really feel like I am getting my money's worth from cable tv when you are showing me the same movies all month long. 

Sincerely,
Bored couch potato in Indiana


----------



## KaliCurves (Nov 3, 2008)

Ex,

Why the fuck cant you just get out of the house and let me and the kids back in? I already paid the fucking 3 months you was behind on the mortgage. Im the one who is making payments on a 3 bedroom house that your lazy, non-child support paying ass is living in by your self while me and our 3 kids share 1 bedroom. You always say you put your kids first, well live up to the shit you say and put our kids back in there beds, and not sleeping on air mattresses and making a closet in to there bedrooms!! You say maybe next month? What are you waiting for?!?!?!?! Oh wait I know, so you have a place to bang you married girlfriend since you cant do it at her house while her hubby is home, and your to cheap to even rent a motel room, and she cant afford to keep paying for one!!

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!

Your cant wait to get divorced from your sorry ass,
Soon to be Ex-wife!!


----------



## steely (Nov 3, 2008)

Dear Swaptree,
Please let go of me.I'm obsessed with you.Help!


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 3, 2008)

Dear maudlin people who splatter the gory details of your personal lives all over the message board:

Everyone loves to watch the process when two people get together and fall in love. Sometimes, we don't need to know the details -- or want to know them, for that matter. Things like ... I'm married, he's married, we're having an affair, they're having an affair ... do you *really* want to share this level of detail? Really? 

And when the relationship sours, and we all get to witness the snark and the sniping and the sharing of yet *further* detail, such as "he never really satisfied me in bed" or "she's a stank-rot slob" ... do you *really* think that we're sympathizing with you? Really? 

Really???


----------



## Carrie (Nov 3, 2008)

Dear TraciJo,

You never satisfied me in bed. 

Sincerely, 
Me.

P.S. If you develop a rash in 1-2 weeks, you may want to get it checked out.


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 3, 2008)

Dear Women Hugging and Kissing in Public,

You made that look very earthy and very real. From where I was standing, it was electric. I was touched watching you two embrace and look into each other's eyes.

Me


----------



## CAMellie (Nov 3, 2008)

Dear Abilify,

GET OUT!


Restless,
Melanie


----------



## mossystate (Nov 3, 2008)

Dear TraciJo, 

How about you not ruin the fun for the rest of us. 

Now, I need a Dims man willing to get involved with me. I only need you for...oh...three months. You will sign a confidentiality agreement. I won't be signing one.

Lady in waiting, 

Mossy


*eta.... * sweetens the pot *..I just bought a case of ramen noodles


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 3, 2008)

Carrie said:


> Dear TraciJo,
> 
> You never satisfied me in bed.
> 
> ...



Dear Carrie,

I lied when I told you that those little red blisters were due to my non-stop itching 'n scratching in my netherland nooks and crannies. Now I understand why you never questioned the constant digging and adjusting and digging and adjusting. 

Oh, and you may want to get a rabies shot or two dozen. Just a friendly precaution. So glad we could end things on a positive note, without all the bitterness and rancor. 

Warm Regards,
Traci

P.S. Every time I open an aromatic bag of only slightly stale fritos, I'll think fondly of our time together.


----------



## Haunted (Nov 3, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear maudlin people who splatter the gory details of your personal lives all over the message board:
> 
> Everyone loves to watch the process when two people get together and fall in love. Sometimes, we don't need to know the details -- or want to know them, for that matter. Things like ... I'm married, he's married, we're having an affair, they're having an affair ... do you *really* want to share this level of detail? Really?
> 
> ...



Thanks for the Vote of Confidence !!!


----------



## Carrie (Nov 3, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> P.S. Every time I open an aromatic bag of only slightly stale fritos, I'll think fondly of our time together.









If you've forever ruined Fritos for me, I'm suing.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 3, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Dear TraciJo,
> 
> How about you not ruin the fun for the rest of us.
> 
> ...



Dear Mossything,

Let's play the Dims version of "The Bachelorette". I'll dig up the male candidates for you. I'm sure you won't mind if some of them are otherwise occupied, engaged, married, 93 years old, dead and/or slightly decaying, a little bit gay, or just NOT THAT INTO YOU. 

Be right back ... going to parse through Craigslist and the last few pages of any rag mag featuring "Savage Love" advise columns right next to the "discreet encounters" personals. I'll find you some winners*. I promise.

Much Love,
Me

*If by winners, we define them as 'whinging whiners'. Sounds similar, anyway.


----------



## KaliCurves (Nov 3, 2008)

Dear person,

I had a whole post written out for you, but Im going to take the high road in this case and let you be the child you are.


----------



## Suze (Nov 3, 2008)

dear obama
please prove me wrong and win this damn election. can't say i'm a huge fan, but the other option sucks more fo sho'.

dear insomnia light
go the fuck away.


both signed, 
moi.


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (Nov 3, 2008)

Dear Cop On The LightRail Checking Tickets,
Thank you for not noticing that my son still had last month's pass and not the new one for this month. Neither one of us realized what day it was and he didn't pick up his new pass yet. We definitely couldn't have afforded a ticket. 

One Nervous Mom Once She Realized What Day It Was,
Lisa


----------



## mossystate (Nov 3, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Mossything,
> 
> Let's play the Dims version of "The Bachelorette". I'll dig up the male candidates for you. I'm sure you won't mind if some of them are otherwise occupied, engaged, married, 93 years old, dead and/or slightly decaying, a little bit gay, or just NOT THAT INTO YOU.
> 
> ...



Dear TraciJay, 

I do NOT trust your judgement!!!!!!!


Warily yours, 


The Mossy


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 3, 2008)

Dear writers of Bridget Jones's Diary--
When are you making a third movie? I'd love to see a wedding between Bridget and Mark D'arcy.
P.S. IF you DO make a third movie, can you please make sure that Hugh and Colin are at least partially naked? Thank you.


----------



## KaliCurves (Nov 3, 2008)

***Hugs Tracijo*** Things have been settled! Bad timing on posts and lots of mis-communication!


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Nov 3, 2008)

I want hugs.. 

I need to go find some one to bitch out now.


----------



## KaliCurves (Nov 3, 2008)

*hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* FAT SQUISHY SSBBW HUGS:happy::happy:




BothGunsBlazing said:


> I want hugs..
> 
> I need to go find some one to bitch out now.


----------



## interesting monster (Nov 4, 2008)

Dear childhood,
it's over, let it go.


----------



## soleil3313 (Nov 4, 2008)

Dear Everyone,

I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:bounce::bounce::bounce::bounce::bounce::bounce::bounce::bounce::bounce::bounce:

I just wanted to share.

Thanks for reading!!!!!

~Sarah~


----------



## Shosh (Nov 4, 2008)

soleil3313 said:


> Dear Everyone,
> 
> I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> ...



Congratulations. Wonderful news.


----------



## KendraLee (Nov 4, 2008)

soleil3313 said:


> Dear Everyone,
> 
> I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> ...


Dear soleil
Awesome and Congrats
K


----------



## vardon_grip (Nov 4, 2008)

soleil3313 said:


> Dear Everyone,
> 
> I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> ...



Congratulations!


----------



## Your Plump Princess (Nov 5, 2008)

Dear Barack Obama,


Now Knowing You Are To Be The Next President.
... Please Save our Country.


Sincerely
Your Fellow American


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 5, 2008)

Dear Obama,

Thank you for for not giving up on your quest for the presidency. I saw Jesse Jackson crying on the news today......it made me cry, too.

Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## CAMellie (Nov 5, 2008)

Dear Dr. Briercheck,

Please be right. My legs are killing me.

Thank you,
Melanie


----------



## SMA413 (Nov 5, 2008)

Dear Dims-
So, I came home from class today, all set to get some stuff done... you know, be productive and all that. I was going to clean my room just a smidgen, do some laundry, apply to some hospitals, maybe even get a jump start on some clinical paperwork. That was the plan at 1:30. It is now 3:30 and what have I done? Applied to one hospital... and that's about it. I made the fatal mistake of thinking, "Oh, I'll just check Dims for a couple minutes." Nooooooo. A few minutes turned into 2 hours. So thank you, Dims, for being the black hole of my time. I don't know how you do it, but bravo.
-Samantha


----------



## Blackjack (Nov 5, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear Dims-
> So, I came home from class today, all set to get some stuff done... you know, be productive and all that. I was going to clean my room just a smidgen, do some laundry, apply to some hospitals, maybe even get a jump start on some clinical paperwork. That was the plan at 1:30. It is now 3:30 and what have I done? Applied to one hospital... and that's about it. I made the fatal mistake of thinking, "Oh, I'll just check Dims for a couple minutes." Nooooooo. A few minutes turned into 2 hours. So thank you, Dims, for being the black hole of my time. I don't know how you do it, but bravo.
> -Samantha



We make up for it with good food and attractive posters.


----------



## bellyjelly (Nov 5, 2008)

Dearest lost one

I gave you a kiss and promised to return soon. I thought you'd be safe. How wrong. Oh, how sorry I am to have left you unguarded at the back of the fridge 'for later'. 

In honour of your memory, I've set up an immediate investigation. All suspects have been questioned. 

I know it's too late for you now, sweet thing, but I promise, with every fibre of my being: The guilty will be PUNISHED!

You were my fresh cream custard slice. Mine! 

(Sobs uncontrollably)


----------



## KHayes666 (Nov 5, 2008)

Dear Vladimir Sobotka....

You'll be back soon, can't be any worse than Michael Ryder right now....


Hope to see you soon


----------



## JoyJoy (Nov 6, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Ex,
> 
> Why the fuck cant you just get out of the house and let me and the kids back in? I already paid the fucking 3 months you was behind on the mortgage. Im the one who is making payments on a 3 bedroom house that your lazy, non-child support paying ass is living in by your self while me and our 3 kids share 1 bedroom. You always say you put your kids first, well live up to the shit you say and put our kids back in there beds, and not sleeping on air mattresses and making a closet in to there bedrooms!! You say maybe next month? What are you waiting for?!?!?!?! Oh wait I know, so you have a place to bang you married girlfriend since you cant do it at her house while her hubby is home, and your to cheap to even rent a motel room, and she cant afford to keep paying for one!!
> 
> ...


Dear Misty, 

I know this is unsolicited advice and I don't know all of the details, but...if you're paying the mortgage and you have a key, you have a right to live there...and I'd bet the courts would agree. I'd also be willing to bet that if you took your girls and moved back in, he'd be gone a lot sooner. 

Just a thought from someone who hates to see people taken advantage of by jerks.

love,
Me


----------



## KaliCurves (Nov 6, 2008)

Thanks Joy, 

Im sure your right, but I dont have a key because he changed the locks. My paralegal is suppose to take care of this and get him to leave or pay me rent for this month. Beleive me if I thought it would work the kids and I would be on that door step tonight.





JoyJoy said:


> Dear Misty,
> 
> I know this is unsolicited advice and I don't know all of the details, but...if you're paying the mortgage and you have a key, you have a right to live there...and I'd bet the courts would agree. I'd also be willing to bet that if you took your girls and moved back in, he'd be gone a lot sooner.
> 
> ...


----------



## JoyJoy (Nov 6, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Thanks Joy,
> 
> Im sure your right, but I dont have a key because he changed the locks. My paralegal is suppose to take care of this and get him to leave or pay me rent for this month. Beleive me if I thought it would work the kids and I would be on that door step tonight.


 Misty, 
I hope it works out and he leaves soon. I can imagine how frustrated you must be. I'll keep you and the girls in my thoughts!


----------



## KaliCurves (Nov 6, 2008)

Yes it is. My Middle daughter just asked me when can we move out of nanas (my moms where we are at right now) and I snapped at her and said ask your dad if we can have the house. I harbor so much anger toward him, and Im having a hard time finding a release for it. I need to go talk to her.





JoyJoy said:


> Misty,
> I hope it works out and he leaves soon. I can imagine how frustrated you must be. I'll keep you and the girls in my thoughts!


----------



## JoyJoy (Nov 6, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Yes it is. My Middle daughter just asked me when can we move out of nanas (my moms where we are at right now) and I snapped at her and said ask your dad if we can have the house. I harbor so much anger toward him, and Im having a hard time finding a release for it. I need to go talk to her.


 I've been there, sweetie...it's really hard not to vent your anger toward their dad on them..but remember how vulnerable they are. He's still their dad, no matter how he's acting or how much he's hurt you and them. It's really important not to talk him down to them because often they'll internalize it somehow...and may end up resenting you one day for talking bad about their dad (which doesn't make sense now, but it happens). Try to find other outlets for that anger and be as positive as possible in front of them in regard to their dad, because trust me....as they get older, they'll see things for what they are and give each parent their due...and they'll remember that you were the one who did what it took to take care of them while he was off doing his own thing, to their detriment. That said, I'm glad to know you're talking to your daughter about snapping at her. That happens, too..the snapping...it's so hard not to when things are stressful. 

PS....You may already know all of this stuff. If so, feel free to ignore me.


----------



## Zandoz (Nov 6, 2008)

soleil3313 said:


> Dear Everyone,
> 
> I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> ...



Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## KaliCurves (Nov 6, 2008)

LOL yeah I do, Im learning it in councling. But its nice to have it told to me over again so I dont forget. I realy do my best to not talk down about him in front of them, or to them. I even put on a smile and interact with him when he is here like nothing is wrong which at times is all I can do to even be in the same room with him.
Thank you So much Joy.


Everyone who has talked to me on here I really do appericate it, and I find the support helpful. It makes me feel like Im not so crazy for feeling the way I do.


Hugs to you all





JoyJoy said:


> I've been there, sweetie...it's really hard not to vent your anger toward their dad on them..but remember how vulnerable they are. He's still their dad, no matter how he's acting or how much he's hurt you and them. It's really important not to talk him down to them because often they'll internalize it somehow...and may end up resenting you one day for talking bad about their dad (which doesn't make sense now, but it happens). Try to find other outlets for that anger and be as positive as possible in front of them in regard to their dad, because trust me....as they get older, they'll see things for what they are and give each parent their due...and they'll remember that you were the one who did what it took to take care of them while he was off doing his own thing, to their detriment. That said, I'm glad to know you're talking to your daughter about snapping at her. That happens, too..the snapping...it's so hard not to when things are stressful.
> 
> PS....You may already know all of this stuff. If so, feel free to ignore me.


----------



## SocialbFly (Nov 7, 2008)

To You Know Who You Are...

Please dont make me sorry i introduced you to Dimensions when i thought you were an honorable person...when i thought you didnt lie, when i thought your "I'm sorry" really meant something. I am saying it publicly, dont you dare to do any of the other women here, what you did to me. 

Don't make me more sorry than i already am.

Grow up.


----------



## Haunted (Nov 7, 2008)

I will Be there Right beside you today holding your hand and kissing your cheek, i love you be strong and stay positive. 

wishing i could really be there !


----------



## KaliCurves (Nov 7, 2008)

Haunted said:


> I will Be there Right beside you today holding your hand and kissing your cheek, i love you be strong and stay positive.
> 
> wishing i could really be there !



Babe,

Thank you for loving me and having so much faith.

Your Fatty,

Misty




Dear Lump in my Breast,

Please be nothing today when they biopsy you. Please let you be something that will just go away and I dont have to worry about. Please just be nothing!!!!


----------



## SamanthaNY (Nov 7, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Dear Lump in my Breast,
> 
> Please be nothing today when they biopsy you. Please let you be something that will just go away and I dont have to worry about. Please just be nothing!!!!



I've been there (I'm not preaching - my story is at the beginning and end). You're at the most frightening point, where you don't know much - but that's soon to change, and you'll know what you're dealing with. With that comes a strange sense of relief. The whole thing is hard as hell... but we get through. 

If I can answer any questions, share more of how it was for me, or just be an ear, please feel free to post or PM me.


----------



## KaliCurves (Nov 7, 2008)

Thank you Samantha!!! That was a very informative read!! I did have some bruises on my breast prior to this knot!!! Maybe that is all it is!!





SamanthaNY said:


> I've been there (I'm not preaching - my story is at the beginning and end). You're at the most frightening point, where you don't know much - but that's soon to change, and you'll know what you're dealing with. With that comes a strange sense of relief. The whole thing is hard as hell... but we get through.
> 
> If I can answer any questions, share more of how it was for me, or just be an ear, please feel free to post or PM me.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Nov 7, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Thank you Samantha!!! That was a very informative read!! I did have some bruises on my breast prior to this knot!!! Maybe that is all it is!!



*fingers crossed*


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Nov 8, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Dear Lump in my Breast,
> 
> Please be nothing today when they biopsy you. Please let you be something that will just go away and I dont have to worry about. Please just be nothing!!!!



Sending you positive thoughts and good vibes...along with healing angels...try to relax and not stress too much.

Chik


----------



## KaliCurves (Nov 8, 2008)

Thanks everyone. I still dont know anything. The Dr, came in felt me up, and asked a ton of questions, and said he didnt want to do it there, he wants to go to a pathologists office and have him there to look and diagnose it on the spot. So I have an appt for the 19th now!! UGH 




ThikJerseyChik said:


> Sending you positive thoughts and good vibes...along with healing angels...try to relax and not stress too much.
> 
> Chik


----------



## mossystate (Nov 8, 2008)

KaliCurves said:


> Thanks everyone. I still dont know anything. The Dr, came in felt me up, and asked a ton of questions, and said he didnt want to do it there, he wants to go to a pathologists office and have him there to look and diagnose it on the spot. So I have an appt for the 19th now!! UGH



What an ugly rollercoaster ride...hang in there.


----------



## troubadours (Nov 9, 2008)

dear 

thank you thank you thank you thank you

so much <3
me


----------



## Shosh (Nov 9, 2008)

To X,

I get it, you do not like me. You use any and every opportunity you can to stick the knife into me.
You wrote some very inaccurate statements and made assumptions about who I am as a person, and you attacked my character. It is not the first time, and I am sure it will not be the last time, because where I am concerned you are ruthless.

I have been posting here for coming up to three years. I have grown and evolved as a person over that time. I am focused on the here and now, and not issues that are now ancient.
Really, it may just be time to move on. People evolve, people grow, that is a natural part of the human experience.

I am not going to stoop to your level by pointing out several flaws in your character. I do not need to do that, as they are glaringly obvious to many.

I was angry at you for a long time, but now I feel nothing.

I know that I am a good person that was put on this earth for a purpose. 

That purpose is to tuck others up under my wing and help them.

I was not put here on earth to have your endorsement or approval.

Yes I have spoken about my personal struggles with this disease that continues to progress in my body, but it is because I am scared. I want to have some light in the darkness. 
I try not to let it consume my life or talk often of it, but I hope you never have to come to terms with this being your reality.

I know that there are no bridges to be built here. You would rather demonize me. 

All I ask is that you please leave me be. I dont want to have to come here and see such horrible untruths written about who you perceive me to be.

Leave me be.

Susannah


----------



## JoeFA (Nov 9, 2008)

Dear John McCain,
You probably got my last letter, saying you had already lost.
Well guess what? Oh yeah you already know, you lost.
Well you can't exactly say you didn't see it coming when you said "Some people have been criticising you republican voters. And i can honestly say i agree with them. No um i disagree....I agree with you!"
Thats poor John, real poor.
Happy retirement!


----------



## Shosh (Nov 9, 2008)

JoeFA said:


> Dear John McCain,
> You probably got my last letter, saying you had already lost.
> Well guess what? Oh yeah you already know, you lost.
> Well you can't exactly say you didn't see it coming when you said "Some people have been criticising you republican voters. And i can honestly say i agree with them. No um i disagree....I agree with you!"
> ...



Mate you are going to have to get a new avatar! Move with the times son.


----------



## KHayes666 (Nov 9, 2008)

Dear Robocop,

The next time you shoot up a Nuke factory, make sure to shoot the boss first.....then again if you did that there would be no movie, carry on.

:doh:


----------



## goofy girl (Nov 9, 2008)

Dear Drama,

Please go away.

Thanks,
Bridget


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 9, 2008)

Dear Shoshie-

I'm so glad that you have returned to the forums. I missed playing forums tag with you for the one day that you were gone. I love how you share your trials and tribulations with everyone. You've helped me to realize that sometimes things just happen that are beyond our control but we have to deal with, and face them head on--cos that is what makes us stronger. 

I want you to know that I don't look at you as a saint or a martyr, but I do see you as a wonderful, sharing, generous, kind, thoughtful woman who isn't afraid to share her heartfelt messages with people who might gain insight from reading them. I appreciate you and look forward to becoming better online forums "mates" with you. 

Tezza is your friend and proud to admit it, 

Terri


----------



## Shosh (Nov 9, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Dear Shoshie-
> 
> I'm so glad that you have returned to the forums. I missed playing forums tag with you for the one day that you were gone. I love how you share your trials and tribulations with everyone. You've helped me to realize that sometimes things just happen that are beyond our control but we have to deal with, and face them head on--cos that is what makes us stronger.
> 
> ...




Dear Terri,

Thank you so much for those kind words. I enjoy your friendship here too, very much.
I like your warmth and your no nonsense attitude. I wish I could be more assertive like that. It is only since I feel personally attacked by one person in particular that I have stood up and taken a stand, because it is not right.

Anyway.

I get that not everybody will like me. That is not important. What matters is that the people I care about and like reciprocate those feelings. 

I get quite a lot of positive feedback from people, and I have had a lot of private messages of support in the last day. So thank you everybody. You have been amazing.

Tez thanks mate.

Are you back on the candy yet after the Halloween overkill yet?

Love to you

Shosh


----------



## steely (Nov 9, 2008)

Dear Shoshie,
It just wouldn't be the same without you.You've lifted my spirits so many times and probably never knew.I admire your strength and honesty.Never stop being you.:happy:


----------



## Shosh (Nov 9, 2008)

steely said:


> Dear Shoshie,
> It just wouldn't be the same without you.You've lifted my spirits so many times and probably never knew.I admire your strength and honesty.Never stop being you.:happy:



Dear Steely,

That really means a lot to me. It really does.

I did not know that I had lifted your spirits. That makes me happy to know.

It is a pity that I live so far away because my house is just like a drop in center, anybody is welcome through the door at anytime for a cup of tea and a chat.

Love

Shoshana


----------



## steely (Nov 9, 2008)

Then we just have to do it here.Make it big and open where anyone can drop in.You're sweet to offer.If I weren't a continent away,I'd come help you plant tulips.


----------



## Shosh (Nov 9, 2008)

steely said:


> Then we just have to do it here.Make it big and open where anyone can drop in.You're sweet to offer.If I weren't a continent away,I'd come help you plant tulips.



Dear Steely,

Well that sounds wonderful. If you are ever in Australia you are most welcome in my home.

The help with the tulip planting would be great too.

I have a huge country garden. The plums have just started to come out on my plum tree. 

It is spring time here. A time for new life and growth.

Keep shining Steely.

Shoshie Bug


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Nov 9, 2008)

Tomorrow - hurry up. 

Kthxbye!


----------



## The Orange Mage (Nov 9, 2008)

Dear local Taco Bell,

Get it together. You turds keep giving me burritos with all the stuff clearly unmixed. I just loooove having one half of my burrito be ALL bean, and the other half ALL meat, with a tiny bit of sour cream over in that one corner. At least you manage not to screw up nachos unlike the one three towns over.

Craving a Grilled Stuffed Burrito now, damnit,
The Orange Mage


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Nov 9, 2008)

Dear Mage

Earlier today I was craving a Crunch Wrap BIG time and I talked myself out of it...and now you just brought back my craving in a MAJOR way!!!!

Taco hurting,
Chik


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 9, 2008)

Dear Mossything:

Earlier today, I was craving a root canal sans the happy-making drugs, and I thought of you. 

Lovingly Yours,
Traci


----------



## CleverBomb (Nov 9, 2008)

The Orange Mage said:


> Dear local Taco Bell,
> 
> Get it together. You turds keep giving me burritos with all the stuff clearly unmixed. I just loooove having one half of my burrito be ALL bean, and the other half ALL meat, with a tiny bit of sour cream over in that one corner. At least you manage not to screw up nachos unlike the one three towns over.
> 
> ...


These are tough times.
It's difficult to make both ends meat.

-Rusty


----------



## The Orange Mage (Nov 9, 2008)

CleverBomb said:


> These are tough times.
> It's difficult to make both ends meat.
> 
> -Rusty



Damnit, I just repped you like five minutes ago! Someone get this man a rep in my stead!


----------



## cute_obese_girl (Nov 9, 2008)

Dear apartment,

Please finish packing yourself up and, while you're at it, clean yourself up too. 


Girl who doesn't want to deal with it.


----------



## mossystate (Nov 9, 2008)

Dear TraciGloWorm, 

_Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings._

I am but a woman with a dark heart...and broken wings. Please, Mr. Postman.

_You light up my life 
You give me hope 
To carry on 
You light up my days 
and fill my nights with song _

The song just happens to be Friend Of The Devil...but...still...it fills my night.

_ Take these broken wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in
Yeah, let us in
Let us in!_

I will be your root canal, if you will be my duct tape. 

Filling up your inbox, 

MossyInAState


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 9, 2008)

Woman, I have good news and I have bad news.

The good: I set you free looooooooooooooooooooong ago.

The bad: I clipped your wings first, and fed them to my dog 

Don't think for a minute that I didn't appreciate the tribute, though. I feel wrapped in a warm, cozy blanket right now. And you know what I love to do with warm, cozy blankets. 



mossystate said:


> Dear TraciGloWorm,
> 
> _Did you ever know that you're my hero?
> You're everything I wish I could be.
> ...



ETA: Oh, and my inbox is done full up.


----------



## mossystate (Nov 9, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Don't think for a minute that I didn't appreciate the tribute, though. I feel wrapped in a warm, cozy blanket right now. And you know what I love to do with warm, cozy blankets.



Oh, I am aware of the wool you pull over eyes. Why do you think I tolerate you.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 10, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Oh, I am aware of the wool you pull over eyes. Why do you think I tolerate you.



Yes. I've been very successful in portraying myself as a sweetly endearing, kind, helpful, much-beloved presence at Dims. Crowds line up to hang on my every pearl of verbal wisdom. My inbox is stuffed with accolades. 

::: Snort :::

I think you've been drinking the Kool-Aid after all, Mossything.


----------



## mossystate (Nov 10, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> > Yes. I've been very successful in portraying myself as a sweetly endearing, kind, helpful, much-beloved presence at Dims.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear Person~

Wow, you really are a snarky b*tch, arent you? Sad, that I didn't realize that until today. I find that disheartening cos, since you are almost a senior citizen its highly unlikely that you will change your ways. 

I wonder what event in your life caused you to want to hurt people with words? Does your snarky attitude come from years of practice or is it something that comes natural to you? Does it give you a feeling of accomplishment cos you demean people? You almost seem to take pleasure in being such a nasty, immature person. Really, think about some of the things that you say and the things that you do. Can you not see how childish you are? 

Sad thing is...I saw through you the first time that we talked. I could tell that you were comfortable in making me feel UNcomfortable. I find that to be truly pathetic. It's almost like you have to make people feel bad about themselves so that you can feel good about yourself. Isn't it time to grow up? I am sure that your misery would improve ten-fold if you just try to be a decent, mature, respectful person. 

It frustrates me to know that I have made you a part of my life (even if it is in a very small way), and that there doesn't seem to be any hope for you. I don't really think that you are a redeemable soul, but I pray that God does. I pray that when you finally do meet your maker and he shows you scenes from your life in which you have caused people great suffering or pain you look upon today and realize that you only hurt yourself in the long run. When He asks you what your redeeming qualities are...I hope that I am wrong and that you can find just one. 

I will continue to pray for you cos its the right thing to do, but I refuse to let you suck me into your black hole of misery just because you don't want to be the only person there. 

Sincerely,
Terri


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear Self,

Go pee. It's tough enough making ends meet.

Your box is filling up. I will pray for you. Cut it out. Get a life. You're welcome any time. Follow the crowd. Be yourself.

Take care,

Confused


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 10, 2008)

Santaclear~

When you do finally go pee, please make sure that you put the seat back down.


----------



## Shosh (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear Terri,

Regarding your last letter. Please get out of my head! Did you steal the draft from me? C'mon fess up! 

I do not like to have hard feelings towards people, it makes me feel pretty awful actually, but I am finding that it is beyond my control at the moment.

I hope those feelings will leave me soon.

Shosh


----------



## mossystate (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear Pots and Kettles, 

There seems to be quite the run on you fine cooking appliances. I don't mind admitting my love for you, as to lie about it is certainly ridiculous. Perhaps, one day, others will admit how they love and very much, use your dark beauty, and mix it with true light. So liberating and real. I will keep you in my kitchen, and in my thoughts.

Honesty is such a good thing, or so I have been taught, by my wonderful parents, who did not allow craziness to fester in their home, as best they could. Now, I also need new cutlery...know when I might snag a good deal?

Also, please keep all liquids from Santaclear. The potty dance is unbecoming, performed by people.....our age.


MossyTheThing


----------



## Fascinita (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear Mossy,

OK. How about glassware, though? It's transparent. Holds a lot of liquid, but usually is empty. 

You're right, there's something unbecoming about this for people our age. Pass the pie, please!

For dinner conversation, this isn't bad, actually.

Thanks,

F.


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 10, 2008)

Susannah said:


> Dear Terri,
> 
> Regarding your last letter. Please get out of my head! Did you steal the draft from me? C'mon fess up!
> 
> ...


 
No Shosh, that post was meant for someone in my personal life. A very sad little woman who likes to make fun of and belittle everyone from adults to children (which really angers me). I chose a very inopportune time to post it here, cos its obvious that someone took that personal here. 

Shosh, try to turn your negative energy into positive energy by focusing on the people who enhance your life, rather than giving the people who cause you strife any little bit of attention. You'll be a better person for it in the end. 

The reason I posted my letter here is so that I didn't and wouldn't say those things to that person face-to-face. I don't want to hurt her feelings but its just built up for a long time and I figured that writing it down--rather than keeping those feelings stuffed inside--would help ME let go of the anger and resentment that I have towards this person, and to be honest it has somewhat helped. I am sure that others have had issues with people in their everyday lives who they would like to confront, but know that a confrontation would just be ineffective because those people are set in their ways, they wont listen, they are stubborn and unwilling to acknowledge their mistakes. It's what they know and what they are comfortable with. Perhaps they will never be aware that they are hurtful like that to others. 

So there you have it.


----------



## Santaclear (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear cotton petal,

Why you glisten so? 

Also, you broke the seal. Why?

*_sound of barking seals. They smile.*_
__________________

Dear Silverware Posters,

Your clatter is noisy in the drawer. Still, you shine. 

Huffy on West Coast


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 10, 2008)

Santaclear said:


> Dear cotton petal,
> 
> Why you glisten so?
> 
> ...


 
If you focus a little harder you could actually turn this into a haiku for the Haiku thread.


----------



## Shosh (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear Terri,

You are so right. It feels pretty foreign for me to have such hard feelings towards another person. It is not something that I wish to hold inside me.

I think the universe has whispered in my ear in the last day or so, that I have strayed from my path of being a light in the darkness, having a good heart and soul.

I have allowed the darkness of others to effect my very spirit.

When Yossi and Sholem came to my home we had a conversation about the neshama, or the soul. We spoke about Chesed which is kindness, and Tikkun Olam, or restoring a sense of balance and justice, and repairing all that is wrong in the world.
I need to dwell on that and come back to a place of living that reality.

Thank you Terri for reminding me of my purpose. I will try not to wander too far from that path.

Love to you

Susannah


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear cutest almost 3 year old niece~

I wish you could read full sentences already. *sigh
Ohhhhhhh, I just want to call your mom right now and tell her about the lotion that you squirted on the floor, and the whole bottle of baby powder that you emptied into my jewelry box. I know that you love sneaking into my room when I am not there but please, can you put things back where you found them? You can play with my costume jewelry, but I dont like finding them by having them poke me cos they are hiding in my blankets. What's the deal with putting my pillows in the closet? (maybe its something that you and your mom do at home. I will have to ask her about that). And while we are on the subject, those puppy dog eyes that you gave me today when I caught you dumping out the powder, well to be honest it worked on me. I wanted to be mad at you but you looked too funny covered from head to toe with lotion, make-up and baby powder, and the shrug followed by, "What? Ain't I pretty?" P R I C E L E S S! Too bad my camera batteries were dead cos that moment would have been captured on film and I would have tormented you by showing it to your future boyfriends.

Love, 
The woman whose whole room smells like babypowder and roses.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 10, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Dear Pots and Kettles,
> 
> There seems to be quite the run on you fine cooking appliances. I don't mind admitting my love for you, as to lie about it is certainly ridiculous. Perhaps, one day, others will admit how they love and very much, use your dark beauty, and mix it with true light. So liberating and real. I will keep you in my kitchen, and in my thoughts.
> 
> ...



Dear MossyTheThing,
OK, I'm confuzzled. Am I the pot, or the kettle? If the role of cutlery hasn't been filled, I'd like to audition for that part. So shiny. I liiiiiiike shiny. 

I like apples. I don't like oranges. But sometimes, the orange *thinks* it's an apple, and then I just feel bad for the silly orange. And then I realize ... I'm a freakin' steak knife, and with all this produce at my disposal, I can make a yummy fruit salad. 

Lovingly Your,
Cutlery Collection


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Nov 10, 2008)

Oh ball of ear wax,
Why do you smell of apples?
Hint of cinnamon...


----------



## LisaInNC (Nov 10, 2008)

Susannah said:


> Dear Terri,
> 
> You are so right. It feels pretty foreign for me to have such hard feelings towards another person. It is not something that I wish to hold inside me.
> 
> ...



Dear Susannah,

Is someone being mean to you? Would you like me to verbally abuse them till they cry? I am really good at it and will do it for you, free of charge.

Love, 
Lisa


----------



## Lastminute.Tom (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear Fear,

I hope you got the semtex I posted, just to let you know that it's over and I'm never listening to you again, you can die down that hole or not, I don't care what you do because you have absolutlely no say over who or what I am anymore, don't call us and we won't call you either, your indifferent acquaintance

Tom.


----------



## Shosh (Nov 10, 2008)

LisaInNC said:


> Dear Susannah,
> 
> Is someone being mean to you? Would you like me to verbally abuse them till they cry? I am really good at it and will do it for you, free of charge.
> 
> ...



Dear Lisa,

You are the best.

Well I am trying very hard to move past this. It is not easy. Apparently if I publicly object to the way this person has been treating me here I am labelled a martyr.
Apparently it is ok to viciously attack a person's character, but if I object to that I am subjected to a barrage of further insults and nastiness.
This person does not know me.
Maybe, just maybe, their opinion of me and other people they dislike is just that. Their opinion. That person is not all seeing, all knowing, or perfect themself. 
Anyway I am sure that I will be subjected to further ridicule and judgement from this person, but I just have to hold my head up high and keep going.

Thanks Lisa for thinking of me.

Love

Susannah


----------



## KHayes666 (Nov 10, 2008)

Susannah said:


> Dear Lisa,
> 
> You are the best.
> 
> ...



Dear Shoshie....

I openly fight with certain idiots on here all the time. You have to learn that no matter where you go, there's always going to be an antagonist in the way. Its easy for some jackass to sit behind a computer and make jokes or piss someone off, just don't lose your cool too badly.

Keep your friends that love you (like Caroline, me Lisa, etc) very close and if someone pisses you off, don't be afraid to show some pride. Your friends will be there to support you

Love,

Kevin


----------



## butch (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear V. Turner,

Thank you for your brilliant anthropological work on the idea of liminality. Now that I finally get to experience it, I'm both devastated and excited. Lets see if I actually make the most of this!

Yours,
Butch


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 10, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Oh ball of ear wax,
> Why do you smell of apples?
> Hint of cinnamon...




Dear Admiral,

Why in the world would you smell your earwax?

Ever concerned
GEF


----------



## KendraLee (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear the next 18 months of my life,
I'm really freaking out right now. I hope you will be as kind to me as you possibly can. I realize you are not going to come easy and I expect to work very hard but please do not send any unexpected twists and turn my way. Please make sure my car runs good, my health stays fine, I'm able to keep up with my studying and class work, that my job doesnt give me a hard time about the change in my work schedule and that no emergency crisis' pops up at work during classes or clinical. Thankyou for all the wonderful things you have recently sent my way and if you can hold off on anything difficult for the next 18 months I will forever be in your debt.
Sincerely, a very hard worker and freaked out human


----------



## KendraLee (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear people who found this earring, 
I came a little when I saw it. Can you please find the other one.
sincerely, someone who REALLY likes earrings 

View attachment earing.jpg


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Nov 11, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Admiral,
> 
> Why in the world would you smell your earwax?
> 
> ...


Well, Douglas Adams covered the top three worst types of poetry in the Universe in his original novel, but he never discussed the worst haiku. This was just my example. Ear wax is also a flavor of jelly bean. 

I have...other examples, none of which involve anything remotely pleasant or enable the reader to imagine visions of placid, Japanese water gardens gurgling in concert with a melody of bamboo flutes.


----------



## Surlysomething (Nov 11, 2008)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Well, Douglas Adams covered the top three worst types of poetry in the Universe in his original novel, but he never discussed the worst haiku. This was just my example. Ear wax is also a flavor of jelly bean.
> 
> I have...other examples, none of which involve anything remotely pleasant or enable the reader to imagine visions of placid, Japanese water gardens gurgling in concert with a melody of bamboo flutes.


 
Whoa, high level nerd alert.


----------



## bmann0413 (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Mom,

THANK YOU! I wanna thank you for helping me talk to the girl I had asked out a few months ago. Seems she really WAS busy with school and work. lol

Your very grateful son,
Lloyd-ster


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Nov 11, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> Whoa, high level nerd alert.


Nerd to some...esoteric sexy beast to others... 

To some ladies, Douglas Adams is sci-fi erotica...or so I've heard.


----------



## ValentineBBW (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Flu

Please vacate my body completely. asap! I want to feel 100% again. 


Signed,

A not so happy host


----------



## bellyjelly (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Father Christmas

Ok, just between you and me, we both know you fucked up last year. 

I'm not trying to be picky or ungrateful, but the last thing a woman needs to find in her stocking is a huge (cheap) vat of wrinkle cream. Yeah, you can blame it on the kids if you want, but we both know who you are!

Right, I'll say this once again: DIAMONDS!

There, not too difficult.

Your ever grateful 
Bellyjelly kiss kiss kiss


----------



## KHayes666 (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Miggity Mike, Murph, Shawnzi and Big Roup,

The table at Mantra cost 400 dollars this friday night, and if you guys won't pitch in then this is all I have to say...

I won't pay, I won't pay ya, no way
(now now) Why don't you get a job
Say no way, say no way ya, no way
(now now) Why don't you get a job


----------



## gypsy (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Dog #2,

Thanks for puking right where I stepped. 

That'll learn me. :doh:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Dee,

I hope it doesn't upset you to know that I just got a good laugh out of your last post 

Moi


----------



## gypsy (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Blizzard,

YOU USELESS FUCKS! GET THE GODDAMN GAME BACK UP AND RUNNING BEFORE I START WITH THE HALLUCINATIONS AND VOMITING! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Sincerely,

Addicted


----------



## gypsy (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Caroline,

Wench. 

Love,

dee


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 11, 2008)

Dearest Dee,

I'm thinking you said that because you know how much it turns me on :batting:


Smooches


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Green Eyed Fairy -

Your new avatar is quite alluring. 


out hunting eh?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Bunny,

Thank you very much- you are always such a sweetie around here  

Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Itch...

Why must you be right on that stop in the middle of my back where I can't reach? Meanie!

Irritated,
Nancy


----------



## SMA413 (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Venus Embrace razor-

Although I feel like I need to sell a kidney to pay for you and your refills, you are sooooo worth every last cent. You are like God's gift to razors. I think I'm in love. :wubu:

-Smooth Samantha


----------



## Chimpi (Nov 11, 2008)

Dear Nancy,

The intelligent, creative, well-informed people of this world have created such useful tools as brooms, mops, buckets, water bottles, Coca Cola bottles, speakers, phones, forks, spoons, DVD's, CD's, albums, picture frames, pencils, pens, scissor handles, hats, musical instruments, trash cans, screw drivers, hammers, poles, books, plates, bowls, boxes, air filters, keys, staplers, shoes, sandals, furniture, clocks, ornaments, tooth brushes, tooth paste, combs, shampoo bottles, soap bottles, conditioner bottles, shaving cream containers, cleaning supply bottles, computer cases, bookshelves, shelves, door handles, notepads, notebooks, flashlights, tape dispensers, remote controls, video game consoles, plastic containers, hangers, and other ingenious items - especially long(er) items. Surely you can think of something to use to scratch your itch if you do not have *one of these*.

Hoping you'll find something useful,
Chimpi


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Nov 11, 2008)

I use scissors myself, though I know that's kinda dangerous!


----------



## Weeze (Nov 12, 2008)

Dear girl next door,
it is 1 AM.
Stop slamming crap around.
Do not wake my roommate up.
She will be cranky.
I do not want a cranky roommate.

Thanks, Shut Up,
Kris


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 12, 2008)

Dear Snow,
It's okay if you come, but please don't stick around for too long and wear out your welcome. While I am on the subject, please do not bring all your friends (wind, ice, sleet and slush) with you.


----------



## Shosh (Nov 13, 2008)

Dear heat,

Summer does not officially start until the beginning of December, so can you put a bloody sock in it please. I am not ready to be frying already.

Thank you

Sizzling in Castlemaine


----------



## KHayes666 (Nov 13, 2008)

Dear Shoshie,

Its 35 degrees out here in Boston, enjoy the summer while you can. Heat or no heat its still a 100 times better than the chilling winter I'm about to endure lol

Love,

Kevin


----------



## Surlysomething (Nov 13, 2008)

Susannah said:


> Dear heat,
> 
> Summer does not officially start until the beginning of December, so can you put a bloody sock in it please. I am not ready to be frying already.
> 
> ...


 
Sucks, doesn't it?


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 13, 2008)

Dear person at the drive-thru~

Thank you for taking SOOOOO much time checking your bags to make sure that your order was right. The 10 minutes that you took holding up the drive thru line was just enough to make sure that MY food along with the food of the other 5 customers waiting in line, was not in the least bit hot. The benefit to all this is that you left happy with your order and *I* got your dessert for free (along with new food, a coupon for the "next" time, and a drink that *I* did not order). *note: I did not have to be rude, or mean to the boy. I only had to say, "Wow, you really handled that like a pro! You are a lot calmer than I would have been." To which he answered, "Those kinds of customers are few and far between. It's the customers behind them that are the ones that I am concerned about. Thanks for being so patient. I hope you don't mind waiting just one more minute while I go exchange the food that you ordered for HOT food." See what courtesy will do for you? 
Also, yelling at the poor kid at the window, who was obviously trying to HELP you, was totally uncouth. Yes, he works for minimum wage and yes he did forget to give you straws with that humongous order that you could have called ahead for, and yes, he even became frustrated when he saw the line of cars piled up behind your stupid ass in the drive-thru line--but the whole time he was polite and courteous and took the time to make sure that your 20-person order was correct (other than the straws)--but he DIDN'T deserve to be yelled at by an inconsiderate idiot like yourself. Just so that you know, I called that place later and bragged to the manager about what a good worker he was and how wonderful he was at doing his job. I hope they give him the whole pitiful 15 cent raise that those places give out when his evaluation time comes along. He deserved alot more than that for having to deal with the likes of you. 


Sign me, 
Eatin' hot fries, and a nice dessert pie.


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Nov 13, 2008)

Dearest GEF

I think I lust you :kiss2:

Chik


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 13, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> Dearest GEF
> 
> I think I lust you :kiss2:
> 
> Chik




Dearest Chik,

Your sweet and salty is a perfect match for my flaky and delicious, don't you think?  :wubu:

Air kisses galore,
Moi


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Nov 13, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dearest Chik,
> 
> Your sweet and salty is a perfect match for my flaky and delicious, don't you think?  :wubu:
> 
> ...



Dear GEF - I do declaih....I think we have a very interesting blend! :smitten:

Long Distance Hugs, Chik


----------



## Thrifty McGriff (Nov 13, 2008)

Dear Earth,

I love what you've done to the place. Keep up the good work! 

Your number one fan, Thrifty McGriff! 

P.S. Can I get a Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB gun with a compass in the stock for Christmas? Don't give me any of that "You'll shoot your eye out kid!" bullshit. I'll shoot my neighbours' windows and then hide, but I won't shoot my eye out, I'm not an imbecile*. 

*debatable


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (Nov 13, 2008)

Dear Dr. P,

Seriously, could you BE more of an asshole? Geez! 

I have lost all respect for you.

Sincerely,
You know who


----------



## Suze (Nov 14, 2008)

o hai, old lady at the gym

stop commenting on my weight and tell me what i should eat and what not. it's not like i don't know how to take care of myself...and don't look at me funny when i say i'm not really interested in changing the way i look.

it's rude and none of your freaking business. 

your training buddy,
susie


----------



## olwen (Nov 14, 2008)

Dear H, 

I can't believe you said that. I'm still shocked and also sad. I can't talk to you right now. Maybe if I'm feeling magnanimous I'll send you an email telling you that, but for now I'm apt to let you suffer not knowing why I won't pick up the phone when you call. I'm just that angry. You're a shallow jerk. Maybe I'll have cooled down by christmas....for now, fuck you.

Signed, 

An angry not-just-a-little-chubby black woman who's not talking to you right now


----------



## big_gurl_lvr (Nov 15, 2008)

Dear Clerk at Kebab Place
I was ordering a kebab and you were behaving like you are angry to do the job or angry at me for ordering. Actually after all kebab tasted bad and it was last one I bought there.
Your Former Client


----------



## Catkin (Nov 15, 2008)

Dear Big_gurl_lvr,

thanks to you I am now wanting a kebab! Bah! And all I have for dinner is stew.

A very hungry fat girl


----------



## mossystate (Nov 16, 2008)

Dear People Who Can't Seem To Understand My Aim, 

I am a fan of bashing bigots.

It's not about...that.

I love when life shows my point proven...again. I knew it would be. Keep going with it. It must bring comfort.

Back!!!, and in black....pants,

MossyThang


----------



## mossystate (Nov 16, 2008)

Dear TraciJo-Jo,

I was writing a PM...had your name on it. 

I was being my normal, amusing self...when...just like that.......my computer goes....plop...zap...dead.


I freaked, not because I could not continue my dazzling you...no...I was upset because I have so much porn on my computer and I thought I might lose it ( actually, I have no porn on my comp...but it makes me sound so...groovy..ya know...and I know you know ). 

So, after paying someone 150 bucks to look at the thing, I am told I have to send it to Hewlett Packard. You better hope the supposed recall they mentioned it true and my baby will be back in these lovin arms...safe...sound...and full of what I have saved.

Yes....TraciJo-Jo....I am blaming you.

Is that so wrong?



Fingers crossed, 

A Mossy Thing


ps....I take a good picture...your avatar in proof!:blush:


----------



## CleverBomb (Nov 16, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Dear People Who Can't Seem To Understand My Aim,
> 
> I am a fan of bashing bigots.
> 
> ...


Dear Mossythingie;

Ah yes. Shadenfreude is the best freude, isn't it? 

-Rusty


----------



## Mathias (Nov 16, 2008)

To my roommate,

Is there a reason why you had to practice your punting INSIDE the room??? :doh: And also, why would you empty your Ramen in the sink a week after you bitched at the other two roommates for apparently not cleaning enough? :doh: They didn't clog the sink like you did. Stop being such a damn hypocrite. 

-Matt


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Nov 17, 2008)

Dear Girl Scout across the street:

Damn your black soul to the depths of Hell. Just whenI thought I had my allotment of Thin Mints to last me until Rapture (or more realistically, 3-4 weeks), you have to come by with some last minute offerings.

I will never forgive you, but oh I still thank you just the same. Chest freezer awaits...


----------



## SMA413 (Nov 17, 2008)

Dear favorite distraction-

Um, so where was my distraction today? lol

-MuffinTopOfTheMorning


-----

Dear Mark-

Stop flirting like a second grader with the nursing students. You're married.

-The nursing student

-----

Dear ex-sister-

I'm glad you're finally realizing the stress you're putting on your kid. He's way too precious to be subjected to your petty games... and he's gonna need major therapy when he's older.

- His favorite person

-----

Dear Dec 18th-

Please get here STAT! 

- Can't wait to graduate


----------



## supersoup (Nov 17, 2008)

dear dude who plays sheldon on the big bang theory,

'sup boo?

:blush:
soup


----------



## SamanthaNY (Nov 17, 2008)

supersoup said:


> dear dude who plays sheldon on the big bang theory,
> 
> 'sup boo?
> 
> ...



Wow, you're right. 

I can SO see you two.


----------



## SparklingBBW (Nov 18, 2008)

To Whom It May Concern: 

I am not: 
Fit, Athletic, Slim, Slender, Skinny, Physically Active, Height/weight proportionate, fluffy, chubby, thick, Rubinesque, Zaftig, or what you think of as a BBW (i.e. Marilyn Monroe), and one more thing, because I'm none of these things then that obviously means that: I don't "TAKE CARE OF MYSELF"...(my new personal favorite attempt at being politically correct when rejecting fat girls). 

Thanks for taking the time out of your day to make me aware of something that you obviously thought I didn't already know. I get it. 

I AM FAT AND SO YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN ME NO MATTER WHAT ELSE I BRING TO THE TABLE. 

Got it. 

No really. I got it. 

Not gonna forget it. 

Ever. 

Never Ever. 

Burned into my brain. 

Etched onto my soul. 

Carved into the stone that used to be my heart. 

For all eternity. 

.


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Nov 18, 2008)

To the MOST obnoxious & annoying human that has ever entered into my universe -

STFU - now.

Please!

*sigh*

Me


----------



## Adamantoise (Nov 18, 2008)

Dear Planet Earth,

Please stop spinning,I wanna get off,

Yours In Dizziness/Sickness,

Tom.G :bow:


----------



## Surlysomething (Nov 18, 2008)

Dear vacation


Thanks for taking so long to actually kick in where my brain's concerned. The fact that I sprained my ankle didn't help but today is the first day i've really enjoyed having some time off and I have to go back to work tomorrow.

:doh:

Good thing it's going to be a short work week for me.


----------



## butch (Nov 19, 2008)

Genarose54 said:


> To Whom It May Concern:
> 
> I am not:
> Fit, Athletic, Slim, Slender, Skinny, Physically Active, Height/weight proportionate, fluffy, chubby, thick, Rubinesque, Zaftig, or what you think of as a BBW (i.e. Marilyn Monroe), and one more thing, because I'm none of these things then that obviously means that: I don't "TAKE CARE OF MYSELF"...(my new personal favorite attempt at being politically correct when rejecting fat girls).
> ...



Dear Genarose,

Fuck him. Seriously. You've got a million fantastic things to bring to the table, and don't forget it. 

Would you like me to go over to his house and shatter his kneecaps with a baseball bat? It would be a pleasant way to start my day.

Hugs,
Butch


----------



## furious styles (Nov 19, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> dear sleep : you are a fleeting whore



dear sleep, again :

no, seriously. i hate you. unless we can solve this dysfunctional relationship, one of us has to go.


----------



## SparklingBBW (Nov 19, 2008)

butch said:


> Dear Genarose,
> 
> Fuck him. Seriously. You've got a million fantastic things to bring to the table, and don't forget it.
> 
> ...



Dear Butch and all the wonderful gals who wrote and repped me to give me support: 

Thank you, thank you, thank you! And thanks to Dims for giving me a place to vent...lol. I'm used to suppressing my emotions, and trying not to do that so much, so even I'm a bit surprised sometimes at the amount of emotions that come forward from my fingertips on this keyboard, but it's the coolest thing, after I get them out, I feel SO, SO much better.  

And in case anyone is curious...the letter wasn't directed at one person, it was directed at all the guys who want to f**k a fat girl but who wouldn't consider dating one. Seems like there are a plethora of those guys in Columbus these days and I just got fed up with it. 

Thanks again lovelies, you helped a fat girl feel better about herself! 

G


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (Nov 21, 2008)

Dear teenage girl with the gauged ears I was standing uncomfortably close to in line,

Forgive me. It's a long story. You don't want to know. Trust me on this one.


Dr. P


----------



## LalaCity (Nov 22, 2008)

Dear Younger Generation,

I know you grew up online, and all, but could you please stop using all the gamer jargon and tecchie neologisms that make me feel really old because I have to keep looking them up in the Urban Dictionary just to get through a decent-sized thread?

Ok, I know you are never going to stop and I will have to adapt, somehow. But, yeah -- I feel old whenever I read "O hai -- you fail and are pwned /c/ epic lulz!!!" Or whatever. I feel I am being left behind. This was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to stay young and hip forever.


----------



## Thrifty McGriff (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Dear Younger Generation,
> 
> I know you grew up online, and all, but could you please stop using all the gamer jargon and tecchie neologisms that make me feel really old because I have to keep looking them up in the Urban Dictionary just to get through a decent-sized thread?
> 
> Ok, I know you are never going to stop and I will have to adapt, somehow. But, yeah -- I feel old whenever I read "O hai -- you fail and are pwned /c/ epic lulz!!!" Or whatever. I feel I am being left behind. This was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to stay young and hip forever.



Dear LalaCity,

L3|2n 2 p14y n3wb! 

I think it is all quite silly. I've never been a huge fan of my generation however. Bitchin' 'bout my geeeeneration!


----------



## KHayes666 (Nov 22, 2008)

Dear everyone I talked to on thursday,

I'm sorry for the way I acted on thursday, the problem was I needed to be pain free for my physical (which I have no recollection going to) because I haven't been able to move my left arm in 3 days.

Since the physical means my possible return to the ring, it was VERY VERY important to me so I took some of my dad's vikes to kill the pain enough so I could perform some basic motor functions........apparently his are 5 times stronger than the ones that were perscribed to me and I must have went on a rampage (which I have no recollection of doing). 

I'm sorry to everyone that I hurt or spoke to and promise to be more careful and look at the dosage levels next time.


----------



## Shosh (Nov 22, 2008)

Kevin,

Do you think it is safe to be going back into the ring given you are having these problems with your arm and the associated pain etc?
You do not want a short term problem to become a long term one and for it to cause permanent damage.
Also if you have been having problems with mood disorder etc as you have in the past, you really need to be careful about the meds that you take. Namely you need to take pain meds that will not interact badly with your emotional state etc.

Be happy and well lovey.

Signed an old mother hen being annoying but concerned,

Shosh


----------



## KendraLee (Nov 22, 2008)

Dear Christmas Faeries,
Please let him be done at 5! Please let him be done at 5! Please let him be done at 5!
Faithfully Yours, Me


----------



## steely (Nov 22, 2008)

Disenchanted...


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 22, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear Christmas Faeries,
> Please let him be done at 5! Please let him be done at 5! Please let him be done at 5!
> Faithfully Yours, Me



I'm not a Christmas Faerie but I might have some pull.... 

*waves her magic wand*


He will be done before five.....five o'clock somewhere anyway........


----------



## KendraLee (Nov 22, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm not a Christmas Faerie but I might have some pull....
> 
> *waves her magic wand*
> 
> ...



Dear GEF
That really made me laugh. Thanks a bunch for giving the Christmas Faeries a hand. They must have been pretty busy today because 5pm eastern time has come and gone. I should have been more specific. Thanks again for the pull. Next time I'll consult with you first. 
K


----------



## ashmamma84 (Nov 22, 2008)

To whom it may concern,

insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results...

Maybe it's not them, boo -- it might be YOU.

They're probably fucked up and spiritually rotting from the inside out, but if you keep associating with the same kinds of people and keep getting fucked over, it's time to do some introspection and figure out why you're attracted to them and continuously welcome chaos in your life. 

Once you're honest with yourself and begin doing the necessary work to make yourself healthy and whole, you begin to attract people who mean you alot more good. Oh and having your own house/car/career/etc doesn't make you whole--and neither does taking care of home or being a provider--your spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical well being do. It's okay to seek counseling. It's okay to talk to friends. It's okay to write in a journal. It's okay to ask for help. However, pointing fingers and casting blame without examining yourself won't help you much in the long run.

Get it together.


----------



## mszwebs (Nov 22, 2008)

Dear sir: 

F you. No, really... F you. 

I hope some day you will realize just how much angst you cause the world just by opening your mouth. 

I also hope that all the people that might be feeling like shit because of the nonsense that your current existance is causing, find a way to be at peace with themselves after experiencing the *doh* feeling of being trapped in your web of lies...for whatever length of time they are there. 

You are an asshole. Plain and simple and you give the men you claim to be like a very bad name. 

Hindsight is 20/20,

A disenchanted and unwilling participant in your maddness


----------



## Mathias (Nov 22, 2008)

LalaCity said:


> Dear Younger Generation,
> 
> I know you grew up online, and all, but could you please stop using all the gamer jargon and tecchie neologisms that make me feel really old because I have to keep looking them up in the Urban Dictionary just to get through a decent-sized thread?
> 
> Ok, I know you are never going to stop and I will have to adapt, somehow. But, yeah -- I feel old whenever I read "O hai -- you fail and are pwned /c/ epic lulz!!!" Or whatever. I feel I am being left behind. This was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to stay young and hip forever.



Dear Lala,

You're still cool regardless.  And you're not old either.


----------



## Blackjack (Nov 22, 2008)

mszwebs said:


> A disenchanted and unwilling participant in your maddness



"Maddness"?


----------



## mszwebs (Nov 23, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> "Maddness"?



Cut me slack, I was on my phone....


----------



## Rowan (Nov 23, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> "Maddness"?



*sigh* so hot


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 23, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear GEF
> That really made me laugh. Thanks a bunch for giving the Christmas Faeries a hand. They must have been pretty busy today because 5pm eastern time has come and gone. I should have been more specific. Thanks again for the pull. Next time I'll consult with you first.
> K



Lol, thanks for playing along with my silly fairy e-fantasy  :bow:



ashmamma84 said:


> To whom it may concern,
> 
> insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results...
> 
> ...



Excellent, excellent post. This is a truth of life. :bow:




Rowan said:


> *sigh* so hot



Last time a guy yelled at me like that....he certainly wasn't talking about Sparta though......:doh:


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 23, 2008)

Dear You know who you are~

Don't be afraid. I sometimes feel that way too, but don't you think its better to try and fail, than to never try at all? 

Me


----------



## JoeFA (Nov 23, 2008)

Dear Gordon Brown,
























































Ha, just wanted to annoy you Gordy
Yours not so much, Me


----------



## SocialbFly (Nov 23, 2008)

ThikJerseyChik said:


> Dearest GEF
> 
> I think I lust you :kiss2:
> 
> Chik



Dear GEF and Chik
Can I watch?
Me


----------



## SMA413 (Nov 23, 2008)

Dear cell phone-

I think you should have a feature where you need to pass a breathalyzer before sending out any texts between midnight and 3 AM. Drunk-texting is a serious problem. lol



Thanks bunches-
I Had Too Many Hurricanes Last Night


----------



## CleverBomb (Nov 23, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear cell phone-
> 
> I think you should have a feature where you need to pass a breathalyzer before sending out any texts between midnight and 3 AM. Drunk-texting is a serious problem. lol
> 
> ...


They had one -- the LG LP4100. Sold pretty well in Korea from what I can tell, never did make it to the U.S. despite what the linked 2006 article said.

I suspect that liability issues played a part (slam a couple of shots down, blow 'clean' into your phone, hit the road and get popped for a DUI once the booze hits your bloodstream; turn around and sue the phone maker and cell provider for making a 'defective' device -- think it wouldn't happen?) That aside, it's a really clever idea.

-Rusty


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 23, 2008)

SocialbFly said:


> Dear GEF and Chik
> Can I watch?
> Me




No....but you can certainly join us.......  :wubu:


----------



## thatgirl08 (Nov 25, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> Dear cell phone-
> 
> I think you should have a feature where you need to pass a breathalyzer before sending out any texts between midnight and 3 AM. Drunk-texting is a serious problem. lol
> 
> ...



Haaaaaaaaahahaha. I loved this. I wish I could rep you. I have this problem too!


----------



## KendraLee (Nov 25, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> Haaaaaaaaahahaha. I loved this. I wish I could rep you. I have this problem too!



I got her for you. Been there done that


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Nov 25, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> No....but you can certainly join us.......  :wubu:



Oh yah babe.....wow! :wubu: :wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu: :kiss2:


----------



## SMA413 (Nov 25, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> Haaaaaaaaahahaha. I loved this. I wish I could rep you. I have this problem too!





KendraLee said:


> I got her for you. Been there done that



Haha, thanks guys  Yay for horrible mistakes. LOL


----------



## Thrifty McGriff (Nov 26, 2008)

Dear deer,

Keep on doing your thing, you're alright little buddies. Run from the wolves, but give them someone to eat. 

Yours sincerly,
Homer J. simpson


----------



## Sugar (Nov 26, 2008)

Dear Handsome,

First welcome back to my life. I'm so happy you've come back. I'm shocked we waited this long...don't let it happen again.

Secondly thanks for being so awesome...without the need for sticky details or boring stories you've made a rough situation more than tolerable. 

Someone who "gets" you is really worth more than your weight in gold. My weight is debatable...lol.

With adoration,
Jerky Marshmallow


----------



## SMA413 (Nov 26, 2008)

Dear J-

Hah. Nice try.  I'm stubborn too.

-Samantha

-----

Dear Cody-

What.The.Hell. You think just cuz I'm all nice and toasty in _my_ hoodie, you can just sit right up next to me, leaning on me and try to absorb my warmth?? Ever heard of personal space?

Thanks for your cooperation.
Samantha

-----

Dear power point presentation-

I hate you. Go away. 

-Samantha


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 26, 2008)

Dear Sis-
Time to get off your ass and take a shower. You smell like piss. Btw, after you do that can you call and make an appointment with a psychiatrist? Its time that you get some help. You've been the mayor of La-La land (you know...that place where you live and you are never wrong, your kids are perfect little angels, and you are sane) for far too long. OH, and can you PLEASE MOVE sooner than the first of the year and take your ENTIRE family with you...everyone is praying for that and our lives would be so much more pleasant. 
Thanks, 
Me


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Nov 27, 2008)

Dear Lovely One

I feel your pain.

Hang in there

TJC


----------



## ThikJerseyChik (Nov 28, 2008)

Dear Looooong weekend -

Please GOOOOO SLOOOOOOOW!

Tyvm

Weekend Warrior


----------



## steely (Nov 28, 2008)

You tried to lie your way out of it and you got busted.
You can't blame anyone else because you lied.
Stop trying to make everyone happy.
Try to make yourself happy instead.
(No Lying)


----------



## CAMellie (Nov 28, 2008)

Dear A,

Thanks for hanging in there and putting up with my family. One of the many reasons why I love you so much.
:wubu:

M


----------



## Weeze (Nov 28, 2008)

Dear stupid girl who leads you on for absolutly nothing.

Seriously? If we're going out and doing stuff as much as we were and holding hands and being cutesy and shit, what am I supposed to think?

Just stop texting me, now please. 
I don't want to be jerked around anymore.

- "your krissy"


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Nov 28, 2008)

Dear Certain People,

_*Smack upside the head*_

That is all.

Nancy


----------



## KHayes666 (Nov 28, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Certain People,
> 
> _*Smack upside the head*_
> 
> ...



Dear Nancy,

thank you sir may I have another ;-)

-
Kevin


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Nov 28, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Nancy,
> 
> thank you sir may I have another ;-)
> 
> ...




*Smacks Kevin repeatedly*


Ahhh...that felt good.


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Nov 28, 2008)

Dear Kate, 

Corky Feldman .. 

HAHAHA

perfect

- Justin 

PS hahahah


----------



## TraciJo67 (Nov 28, 2008)

steely said:


> You tried to lie your way out of it and you got busted.
> You can't blame anyone else because you lied.
> Stop trying to make everyone happy.
> Try to make yourself happy instead.
> (No Lying)




Stop Lying!


----------



## mimosa (Nov 29, 2008)

Dear W


Wonderful. 

Thank you.:batting:


Love,

M


----------



## Lovelyone (Nov 29, 2008)

Dear Father Time, 

Did you REALLY have to put on your combat boots when you did the moon walk across my eyelids this morning? I swear that if I find one more wrinkle, I am sending out the fat girl mafia to put a cap in your ass. 

signed, 
a new wrinkle in time


----------



## Thrifty McGriff (Nov 29, 2008)

Dear politically correct, morally superior folk,

*points and laughs*

Sincerly, All Other Forms of Life on Earth


----------



## Suze (Nov 29, 2008)

Dear whatever your name was

This is the third weekend in a row you've been calling and no, I'm not answering any of your calls and never will.
There's a reason why I got pissed when you took my phone up from the table and called yourself so you could get my number. (_really_ bad move)

You're so damn creepy. Take the hint and stop calling me please.

-me >:/


----------



## Haunted (Nov 29, 2008)

Honey,

I know your tired, I know your sore, and i know your frustrated. I wish i could be there to help now, I'm sorry no-one else will dive in and help you like you always help them. 

But know how proud i am of you for taking this on and making it your Bitch. in the end when it's done you can sit back relax look around and say "I Did This!!" and it will be totally worth it.

I Love you Fatty
Muah


----------



## bobbleheaddoll (Nov 29, 2008)

dear file folder manufacturers,

how do you get the edges of those suckers so razor sharp? are you in cahoots with the band-aid people?


----------



## Catkin (Nov 30, 2008)

Dear boiler,

I hate you, you fucker. We get it, you're old, but COME ON, it's (apparently) -6 degrees C here at the moment, and we have no heating. We need heating! But at least we still have hot water. If that stops, there will be Trouble.

From, that fat girl who is pissed off with having to wear 5+ layers round the house, and still can't feel her fingers


----------



## KHayes666 (Nov 30, 2008)

Dear New England Cable News....you suck, ya jackass.

The forecast for the Patriots game was 40 degrees and a light drizzle......it ended up being 35 degrees and a heavy downpour. I was frozen by halftime....thanks a lot you turds.


----------



## Mishty (Nov 30, 2008)

Hello Pizza People of my Hometown,

I really enjoy getting stoned and ordering online, and picking and chosing all the wonderful veggies...

But when it takes an extra half hour to arrive because WindowsXP seems to complicated to for the delivery guy.. I get antsy and the roomies get angry...


AND there you went again...you missed out house AGAIN...


Jesus...


-mimi


----------



## B68 (Nov 30, 2008)

Dear bed,

Please stay right where you are. I know you like to play, but i'm getting too old to hit the floor every night


----------



## goofy girl (Nov 30, 2008)

Dear Work Supervisor, 

Ok, when I come in tomorrow I am going to request a meeting with you, the account manager and myself. You two make it very clear that you dislike each other, however, I am caught in the crossfire. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to the clients. 

It is drilled into our heads that we are to take accountability for our work and I am trying to do that, however, when I am overwhelmed and come to you for help I feel that there should be some attempt..I mean, at least fake like you care. 

I don't really know what bug you have up your ass but you're taking it out on me, the whole department has noticed it. I have done nothing but take on more and more responsibilities with not even a thanks or a compliment,-not even asking for a pay raise here, just a "thanks"- I have stood up for you when EVERYONE else was being unkind. If did something wrong..please tell me so that I can fix it. 

When we speak tomorrow if I don't feel like there has been some resolution I WILL be requesting a meeting with the Operations Officer. Normally I would not do something like that but you really ruined things when you said I could not change my schedule. I was planning on still working my 40 hours. I explained that. I don't understand why one co-worker is allowed to work 4 long days a have one day off a week for "religious obligations" (yeah..ask her what she REALLY does with her Friday's off) and another co-worker is allowed to change her schedule on a weekly basis to GO TO A BARTENDING JOB! I just wanted to come in 3 hours late once a week for 4 months to go to school. I really don't understand why you could "not accommodate my request", but if you don't explain soon, you can explain it to the Operations Officer and I'll get the information directly from him.

Have a super day!

"Sunshine" (as nicknamed by my co-workers)


----------



## B68 (Nov 30, 2008)

goofy girl said:


> Dear Work Supervisor,
> 
> Ok, when I come in tomorrow I am going to request a meeting with you, the account manager and myself. You two make it very clear that you dislike each other, however, I am caught in the crossfire. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to the clients.
> 
> ...



Be careful, sunshine The cheating and low profile co-workers get away with a lot. The loud and righteous ones often don't...


----------



## Shosh (Nov 30, 2008)

Dear Shimshon,

Thank you for calling me today my angel. You are the best big brother a girl could ever have.

I love your humor and your wit, and your tender heart.

Your baby boy will have his first birthday next week, and a better, more loving and engaging father I am yet to see.
It is like you have been a daddy forever, you have just taken to it.

I am so glad that you will be staying here now and buying a house. I did not want you all to move to Europe.

I love you.

Shosh


----------



## goofy girl (Nov 30, 2008)

B68 said:


> Be careful, sunshine The cheating and low profile co-workers get away with a lot. The loud and righteous ones often don't...



I'm very careful with what I say to her face..that's why I had to get this part out & off of my chest here tonight! lol


----------



## mossystate (Nov 30, 2008)

B68 said:


> Dear bed,
> Please stay right where you are. I know you like to play, but i'm getting too old to hit the floor every night



Dear bottle of booze on B68's nightstand,

While it sounds like you create great entertainment, the old man needs sleep!

Mosssssssy



B68 said:


> Be careful, sunshine The cheating and low profile co-workers get away with a lot. The loud and righteous ones often don't...



That ^^^ is very true in many areas of life.:bow:


Dear Goofy, 

I would have preferred more swearing in your post, but, I guess that's just me.


Moooossy


----------



## goofy girl (Dec 1, 2008)

Dear Mossy,

There were original about 72 F Bombs and a dozen other curse words in my letter, but I removed them during my editing process.

I'm sorry I disappointed you and will do all that I can to bring you 100% satisfaction in the future. 

Sincerely,
Goof

PS shit ass dick damn hell fuckety fuck fuck


----------



## B68 (Dec 1, 2008)

Dear M. State,

Your words have given me the strenght to face facts. The bed is gone and the bottle stays!!

I deserve some dignity in my final days and nights


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Dec 1, 2008)

*Dear children:*

Although I love you both very much, there is no way in the Nine Hells that I will submit to another 12 hour drive for holiday vacation until you both a) get a bit older (say 24) and b) learn to occupy yourselves a little more.

Note to self: While you think you were clever getting a (cough) 'liberated' copy of Madagascar 2 to surprise your little ones for Thanksgiving, you didn't realize a new movie would only inspire them to watch it EVERY FUGGIN' HOUR of the drive. Forget a classic like Robin Hood or even Cinderella. I could even permit 3 hours of The Wiggles if I was sufficiently drugged. No more Moto Moto, please, for the love of Cthulhu.

Also: The answer to "Are we there yet?" is not "No, goddammit! It's JUST A LITTLE FURTHER!"

*Dear traveler in the black VW SUV:*

See that big white sign with the number 70? The accepted standard usage is 70 +/- 5 mph. Not 55 -> 60 -> 79 -> 50 in the space of 5 minutes with no actual traffic. Your sheer inability to master a technology as simple as a Cruise Control makes my insides ache, my hands long for your throat, and my heart desire for your accidental castration with something sufficiently dull and rusty. The lack of intelligence you demonstrate in passing procedures and defensive driving around large semi tractor trailers traveling at near mach-1 velocities whilst throwing sheets of snowy ice hither and yon tells me you are unworthy of holding a license to drive a motor vehicle in the United States, let alone, oh, a rickshaw in Hong Kong. When you enter Hell, may you only smoke the juiciest and rankest of turds, you pathetic excuse for a primate. 

Your brother in Christ, The Admiral


----------



## B68 (Dec 1, 2008)

Dear driver in the black VW SUV,

I know why were you flashing your lights behind me. I'm a Dutchman and i still have to get used to the miles instead of kilometers. So i keep changing speed between 70 mph on the road and 70 km/u in my mind.

I even gave you the international signal for 'hey, i'm sorry, i'm Dutch' by showing my finger. But you seemed to missunderstand that gesture...


----------



## washburn (Dec 2, 2008)

Dear Rick Astley,

I just got to tell you how I'm feeling, I have to make you understand, your never gonna give me up, your never gonna let me down, never gonna run around and desert me. YOUR FUCKING SONG HAS BEEN IN MY HEAD FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS!!DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!

​


----------



## shinyapple (Dec 2, 2008)

Dear Universe -

Seriously, this unemployment thing HAS to stop! It's been nearly two months and I've never gone that long without working since I started *mumble, mumble* years ago. I'm bored. I need money. Are you really going make me suck it up and take a job making nearly half of what I was? You ARE, aren't you? It's not bad enough that you already made me move from sunny southern California back to the hellacious cold of Utah?!?!?!?

And while you're at it, along with a good job....a man wouldn't be so bad either. Just a nice, local FA who wants me for me, and not sixteen other women at the same time. 

It doesn't seem like it would be so much to ask for...just two little things. But apparently, I'm wrong.

Hate ya like that itch in the middle of your back, 
ShinyApple


----------



## KHayes666 (Dec 2, 2008)

Dear toilet paper,

why'd you have to run out? Seriously.....its rush hour traffic outside and after the lunch I had I sure as hell am gonna need more of you. I'll be dying by the time I get home from this journey through hell.

ughhhhhhhhh


----------



## mimosa (Dec 2, 2008)

Hey -------

You were nice today. So I unblocked you from my YIM for one minute. Then remembered why I blocked you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its too bad too. I thought it would be nice to say hello. Oh well......

and Oh yeah.....thats Queen big boobs to you! And something awesome you CAN NEVER touch!


Mimi.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 2, 2008)

mimosa said:


> Hey -------
> 
> You were nice today. So I unblocked you from my YIM for one minute. Then remembered why I blocked you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its too bad too. I thought it would be nice to say hello. Oh well......
> 
> ...




Dearest Mimi,

I have found that blocking AND DELETING usually works best with this type.  

Sincerely, 
Moi


----------



## steely (Dec 2, 2008)

Oh,Dorito,whom I love so dear,you were my Achilles Heel.You brought about the downfall of my mouth.Sharper than a serpent's tooth.


----------



## KaliCurves (Dec 3, 2008)

As some of you know I have been going through a sticky divorce. Well last week I got the house back in not so livable condition. I have been trying to fix it up and get it livable for my kids before Christmas. 

Anyways, I have been at it alone working at it for the most part; I have had a few hours of help from friends and family here and there. Kisa, Mom, Larry and Joyce have put in the most work and help these past 2 days.

I had people tell me when you need help just let me know and I will be there, well guess what??? 

I sent out a text message to over 10 people today, I received back a VAID response from 3 people that they was working and couldn't come help me today.

I can't believe all the people that I have helped over the years, that I have always been there for that now when I need them the most they are too busy for me or they just don't show. The people who I drop everything for and run to be with them when they are having a crisis, or were sick or just needed help, or some to talk too, and now where are they when I need them??

Yeah if you are feel guilt at the moment then yes this is meant for you. Just remember the next time you call and I don't come running, Karma is a bitch. I'm no longer the door mat I once was.


----------



## g-squared (Dec 4, 2008)

Dear College,

Fuck you, be less expensive.


Sincerely,
George


----------



## SMA413 (Dec 6, 2008)

To whom it may concern-

I'm going out with my nursing school friends tonight.

We're gonna be drinking.

Please disregard any and all texts received between 11 PM-3 AM. 

:wubu:  
-Me


----------



## washburn (Dec 7, 2008)

Dear Hunny,
Thank you for a very awesome early christmas gift. I love you. :wubu::wubu::wubu::wubu:


Trent Raznor,
Thank you for the most amazing concert friday night, You rock. 

View attachment nin 031fdf.JPG


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 7, 2008)

Dear Washburn,

I am jealous of you with your Trent Raznor memories....


Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## KendraLee (Dec 7, 2008)

SMA413 said:


> To whom it may concern-
> 
> I'm going out with my nursing school friends tonight.
> 
> ...



Dear SMA413,
How did the night turn out? Any texts to regret?
K


----------



## washburn (Dec 7, 2008)

Dear omega-3 pills
STOP MAKING A FISH FACTORY IN MY GUTS.


----------



## SMA413 (Dec 7, 2008)

KendraLee said:


> Dear SMA413,
> How did the night turn out? Any texts to regret?
> K



Dear K-
The night was alright... my phone actually died while I was out. LOL. But I didn't really drink that much so even if my phone wasn't dead, my texts would have been coherent and non-incriminating. LOL.
-S


----------



## Amatrix (Dec 8, 2008)

Dear Swiss Colony-

OMG you have those little things i love... the dirt balls... the little cream filled cakes with even more icing on the outside...
and freaking eggnog cheesecake.

i hate you.

because i cant have you. and by the time you got here i would totally forget i even asked you to come over.

we dont want that.
here is to my birthday... hopefully i see ya then!?:eat2:
<3
meh

dear co-workers
thanks for not flipping the shitz because i was sick for so long. and i like how you made a list of all the funny times i should have been there with something snarky to say....
and the even longer list of things i can do when i get back.

sorry i missed the cracked out hoes again! anyways... bj shots this weekend?
please!?:happy:
the snarky fatty who brings cupcakes
and tells trolls where to stick it
and breathes heavy into the paging system
and- "why yes i have a shot of vodka in my poket..."


----------



## ladle (Dec 8, 2008)

Dear US Dollar,
Why oh why when I decide to travel in 2009 have you decided to become so highly valued again. Don't you know that earlier this year I coulda bought 80 of your little cents with my Kiwi Dollar and as of today you will only give me 50 cents.
Damn you US dollar, you will make my trip expensive and make me look cheap.
...and while you are at it, please ask your Cousins, the Pound, and the Euro to make a dive for me too. Please thank your poorer Brother the Peso, he will allow me to live like a king in Cancun.
Your Sincerely
A pissed off fan


----------



## LoveBHMS (Dec 8, 2008)

SamanthaNY said:


> LoveBHMS? I believe you've just been served. (as Cartman would say)
> 
> Snap!



Samanthany?

Until such time as you actually hold a job, please refrain from criticizing those of us who do.

Snap.

L.


----------



## Sugar (Dec 8, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Samanthany?
> 
> Until such time as you actually hold a job, please refrain from criticizing those of us who do.
> 
> ...




Dear TV Land,

I loved that episode of Seinfeld where the guy tells George to save some shrimp and he's annoyed and so George goes home and stews on it and then he comes up with "Yeah, well the Jerk Store called and they're outta you!".

Oh that was a good one. Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Thanks for the laugh.

Love, 
Sarah aka Elaine


----------



## SamanthaNY (Dec 8, 2008)

LoveBHMS said:


> Samanthany?
> 
> Until such time as you actually hold a job, please refrain from criticizing those of us who do.
> 
> ...


Lovebhms? 

*Considers....*








































No.

S.

P.S. Besides... I didn't criticize you - I booyah'd you. Different, but still fun.


----------



## troubadours (Dec 8, 2008)

dear suitemates,
pls stop making tuna in the bathroom. it smells so disgusting.

thx,
jen


----------



## Carrie (Dec 8, 2008)

Lucky said:


> Dear TV Land,
> 
> I loved that episode of Seinfeld where the guy tells George to save some shrimp and he's annoyed and so George goes home and stews on it and then he comes up with "Yeah, well the Jerk Store called and they're outta you!".
> 
> ...


And on that note, may I just add that I would be absolutely thrilled if someone gave me a box with $182 in cash in it for my birthday? 

I never get tired of this show.


----------



## Paquito (Dec 8, 2008)

Dear girl I've been in love with for three years,

You know how it feels when you're heart is ripped out of your chest, stomped on, reconstructed, placed back into your body, and then the whole process is repeated for what seems like eternity? Yea, thats the feeling I have after you called me to let me know you and your new boyfriend kissed for the first time. It hurts so bad, I can't even show emotion. Despite the fact that he smokes pot and drinks frequently, I'm sure theres a logical explanation for why you're with him and not me.

The Heartbreak Kid


----------



## steely (Dec 8, 2008)

free2beme04 said:


> Dear girl I've been in love with for three years,
> 
> You know how it feels when you're heart is ripped out of your chest, stomped on, reconstructed, placed back into your body, and then the whole process is repeated for what seems like eternity? Yea, thats the feeling I have after you called me to let me know you and your new boyfriend kissed for the first time. It hurts so bad, I can't even show emotion. Despite the fact that he smokes pot and drinks frequently, I'm sure theres a logical explanation for why you're with him and not me.
> 
> The Heartbreak Kid



Prometheus Risen.I'm sorry for your hurt.


----------



## KHayes666 (Dec 9, 2008)

free2beme04 said:


> Dear girl I've been in love with for three years,
> 
> You know how it feels when you're heart is ripped out of your chest, stomped on, reconstructed, placed back into your body, and then the whole process is repeated for what seems like eternity? Yea, thats the feeling I have after you called me to let me know you and your new boyfriend kissed for the first time. It hurts so bad, I can't even show emotion. Despite the fact that he smokes pot and drinks frequently, I'm sure theres a logical explanation for why you're with him and not me.
> 
> The Heartbreak Kid



Welcome to my world.....watching girls date other people who treat them like trash or aren't their type and you wonder why they chose them over you.

Here's a bit of advice, when something fails change your tactic. If a girl dumped you or if you broke up, then something went wrong. Change your tactic, don't date the next girl who has the same personality because obviously something went wrong the last time.


----------



## steely (Dec 9, 2008)

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result:bow:


----------



## Paquito (Dec 9, 2008)

Dear dimmers,

thank you for all your support and advice, its really helped. But something I forgot to mention is that we haven't actually dated, so I'm playing the best-friend-who-secretly-loves-his-best-friend-but-keeps-quiet role, which makes me even more pathetic ha.
thanks though
free


----------



## KHayes666 (Dec 9, 2008)

free2beme04 said:


> Dear dimmers,
> 
> thank you for all your support and advice, its really helped. But something I forgot to mention is that we haven't actually dated, so I'm playing the best-friend-who-secretly-loves-his-best-friend-but-keeps-quiet role, which makes me even more pathetic ha.
> thanks though
> free



I know, that's why I said what I said. 

If you admire someone and find yourself thinking you're the right person for them, do something to make you noticable, don't change yourself but change your tactic.


----------



## steely (Dec 9, 2008)

free2beme04 said:


> Dear dimmers,
> 
> thank you for all your support and advice, its really helped. But something I forgot to mention is that we haven't actually dated, so I'm playing the best-friend-who-secretly-loves-his-best-friend-but-keeps-quiet role, which makes me even more pathetic ha.
> thanks though
> free



I understood that as well.It doesn't make it hurt any less.


----------



## washburn (Dec 9, 2008)

troubadours said:


> dear suitemates,
> pls stop making tuna in the bathroom. it smells so disgusting.
> 
> thx,
> jen



Tuna in the bathroom???? I really hope they aren't using your kitchen for something other than cooking.


----------



## Catkin (Dec 9, 2008)

Dear family,

Only 2 days until I see you now! Yaaaay! Can't wait  Also, thanks for waiting until I get home to put up the tree and decorations. I really do appreciate it - if you'd done it before I'd feel like Christmas was being started without me.

Love, me.
___________________

Dear bestest friends from down South, 

Ahh! This weekend is gonna be so much fun! The catching up will be awesome! And the boozing too, obviously.

Love, the girl who needs to find something to wear.
___________________

Dear best friend from up North,

Your company is the thing I miss most when I'm back home. See you in a few weeks!

P.s. would it kill you to admit that you miss me too? 
___________________

Dear chocolate raisins,

You delicious bastards. Why can't my stomach love you as much as the rest of me does? Bleh.


----------



## Blackjack (Dec 9, 2008)

steely said:


> Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result:bow:



...according to Albert Einstein, whose forte was physics, not psychology.

It does somewhat hold true, but not always. There's plenty of times when hope wins out over experience and it's rewarded handsomely.


----------



## steely (Dec 9, 2008)

I can only say that it holds true in my case.


----------



## JerseyGirl07093 (Dec 9, 2008)

troubadours said:


> dear suitemates,
> pls stop making tuna in the bathroom. it smells so disgusting.
> 
> thx,
> jen



Is that a euphemism for something else? Wait, you know what, I don't want to know!


----------



## mimosa (Dec 9, 2008)

To whom it may concern...

No, I will NOT send you naked pics. I just want to chat about friendly things. 



Thanks,

Mims:bow:


----------



## SweetNYLady (Dec 10, 2008)

Dear cold germs,

You nasty little buggers! Why did you have to go and attach your little cootie selves to me... not last week, not next week, but THIS week?! The week of my vacation! It just proves to me that you're as nasty as you wanna be!

Stuffed up, sneezing and mad thanks to you,
E

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Universe,

Please see attached note to cold germs because I think you had something to do with this and I want answers! Can't we just do away with this Murphy's Law thing once and for all? Dang!

An annoyed vacationer,
E


----------



## Eclectic_Girl (Dec 11, 2008)

free2beme04 said:


> Dear dimmers,
> 
> thank you for all your support and advice, its really helped. But something I forgot to mention is that we haven't actually dated, so I'm playing the best-friend-who-secretly-loves-his-best-friend-but-keeps-quiet role, which makes me even more pathetic ha.
> thanks though
> free



Made me think of this: http://xkcd.com/513/


----------



## URTalking2Jenn (Dec 11, 2008)

Dear Cupid,

(Cu·pid n: the Roman god of love, the son of Venus, usually represented as a young boy with wings and a bow and arrow. Greek equivalent Eros)

Can I just have a New Years kiss, like in the movies? Oh and if you can send me an old fashion, Christian, FA, who will love me as a whole and not just my fat; that would be great.


----------



## CAMellie (Dec 11, 2008)

Dearest Kerry,

It's been 6 years today since you were taken from me. I miss you just as much now as I did then. The pain hasn't stopped...it's just gotten easier to deal with.


Until we meet again,
Melanie


----------



## KHayes666 (Dec 11, 2008)

Dear you know who,

we're even......you got me first, well I just struck back. Hurts doesn't it? Now move on and don't open your mouth again


----------



## Mishty (Dec 11, 2008)

Sweet James,
Thanks for the great time Saturday night!
Repeat? Friday night 10:00 pm my room?

I'll be waiting....

-Bay Bee Mama


----------



## steely (Dec 11, 2008)

Enough with the rain,I'm soaked to the bone.


----------



## Rowan (Dec 11, 2008)

ladle said:


> Dear US Dollar,
> Why oh why when I decide to travel in 2009 have you decided to become so highly valued again. Don't you know that earlier this year I coulda bought 80 of your little cents with my Kiwi Dollar and as of today you will only give me 50 cents.
> Damn you US dollar, you will make my trip expensive and make me look cheap.
> ...and while you are at it, please ask your Cousins, the Pound, and the Euro to make a dive for me too. Please thank your poorer Brother the Peso, he will allow me to live like a king in Cancun.
> ...



Dear ladle, 

awww cute...okay...you can have some rep

-Rowan


----------



## Mathias (Dec 12, 2008)

Dear ____,

I'm sick of your bullshit. Sick of it. You've taken advantage of my kindness for the last time. When people started treating you like crap, *I* was there for you. When I needed your help, you blew me off YET AGAIN! There's only so much I can take and I'm past my breaking point. Well, you know what? Fuck you. You're nothing but a spoiled child who makes up shit for attention. The only thing 'Im sorry about is that I realized it way too late. The less contact I have with you from here on out the better.

-Matt


----------



## SMA413 (Dec 12, 2008)

Dear myspace-

You know, something about your new features seems oddly familiar. Oh yeah... that's cuz they were ripped off from facebook. Nice.

And I really really love how your "People You May Know" feature suggested that I add my crazy estranged sister and my ex as friends.

Good choice.


- Me


----------



## mimosa (Dec 12, 2008)

Dear SMA413,

Gosh I know..

But I checked out your page....you are very pretty.

Have a nice day.:bow:

Mims



SMA413 said:


> Dear myspace-
> 
> You know, something about your new features seems oddly familiar. Oh yeah... that's cuz they were ripped off from facebook. Nice.
> 
> ...


----------



## SMA413 (Dec 12, 2008)

Thanks, Mims


----------



## mimosa (Dec 12, 2008)

De Nada. (Youre Welcome.)




SMA413 said:


> Thanks, Mims


----------



## Sugar (Dec 13, 2008)

Dear Confused,

Please stop changing your mind. I know you're young and undecided but really...it's killing me. Every single day I assume today will be the day you change your mind again. Find an even medium I know you can do it. Besides who could live like that? I know you couldn't...and before you tell me to go if I need to don't you think I would have left you far behind if I could have? Trust me I didn't intend on attachment and even love. Oh and stop saying "if you were here"... I'm not there and I'm not going to be for a while. We'd be married with babies by now, but we're not so quit it...for now. 

Love,
Concerned

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Work,

Please work with me here. I didn't want to go for the insurance option but frankly if I don't get better I won't be much of an employee anyway. I kick the britches off of some of your people that have been there for a year while I'm barfing in my trash can and my fingers are cramping up. So give me a chance to get better and come back and rock. Please?

Sincerely,
Agent Sarah 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Medication,

Please work this time. Pretty please? :batting:

Love you long time,
Sarah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear People Who Have No Holiday Cheer,

Oh shut the fuck up already. You live a life better than most of the world and you don't see them bitching about cookies and long shopping lines. Stop dragging everyone else down and wearing your shoes two sizes too small!

In the words of Frosty: Little girl your hat is on too tight!

Love,
Spirit of Christmas Joy!


----------



## washburn (Dec 13, 2008)

Dear Snow,
Stop it, go away, melt, be gone, your making it harder for me to be with my hunny. So please fuck off, this is the coast it should be rainy.


----------



## Mathias (Dec 13, 2008)

Dear Washburn,

Send some of that snow my way by chance?


----------



## Rowan (Dec 13, 2008)

dear ex...

i send you a text message to make sure you're okay despite the major weather and the state of emergency called where you are. You message me back obviously thinking im someone else. look at who the hell is messaging you...thatd be nice. So...im done...as much as i loved you...time to be done with it all..i held on far too long after it was over anyway. I wish you the best and will always hold affection for you...but good luck. love you.

-me


----------



## Lovelyone (Dec 13, 2008)

Dear distance-
You suck, I wish you didn't exist.
Someday someone is actually going to invent those handy-dandy teleportation devices that we see on Star Trek....and your ass will be history. Until then, BITE ME.


----------



## Sugar (Dec 13, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> Dear distance-
> You suck, I wish you didn't exist.
> Someday someone is actually going to invent those handy-dandy teleportation devices that we see on Star Trek....and your ass will be history. Until then, BITE ME.



Amen to that, sister!


----------



## washburn (Dec 13, 2008)

I third that motion!


----------



## elle camino (Dec 14, 2008)

dear ring i lost tonight when i threw a snowball at my friend ~

i liked you a lot, but it was pretty much worth it. i hope when the snow melts you'll be found by some other girthy-fingered girl who always has a hard time finding pretty rings that fit, and i'm considering this my random charitable deed for the season. 

peace out,

-A.


----------



## CandySmooch (Dec 14, 2008)

Dear Sexy Austrailian Boyfriend,

Thank you for just your sexy accent alone, it makes me melt and I can fall in love you just for that alone, lol  I'm curious to see where this relationship goes. Time will tell.

Love, Me


----------



## goofy girl (Dec 14, 2008)

Dear Back,

Please stop hurting. 

Thanks,
Bridget


----------



## Lovelyone (Dec 14, 2008)

Dear Elle Camino-

I was in a cul-de-sac at the end of a park. It was wintertime--maybe 15 years ago--and I was having a particularly bad day. I went for a walk and ended up in the park. I stepped on something and it made a grating sound against the pavement. I moved my foot to see what it was. There stood a shining pretty bauble for a fat girl. It was a mood ring. I hadn't seen one of those things since I was a young kid. No one was around to ask if the ring belonged to someone. I played with it for a while, trying it on each finger and hoping that it fit one. It did, and the happiness overwhelmed me for a little while. I found a small treasure that belonged to some other fat girl at one time and it filled my heart with warmth and joy. So a big thank you goes out to those who have lost something that made someone else happy, if only for a few moments. 

Terri


----------



## Paquito (Dec 14, 2008)

Dear McDonalds employee-

I do not mean to belittle you or suggest that you're job is easy, I don't think any job truly is. You were very charismatic (probably spelled that wrong) and took the time to ask how my day was. However, if you leave out my tangy honey mustard sauce again, its on, k?

Loyal customer


----------



## B68 (Dec 14, 2008)

free2beme04 said:


> Dear McDonalds employee-
> 
> I do not mean to belittle you or suggest that you're job is easy, I don't think any job truly is. You were very charismatic (probably spelled that wrong) and took the time to ask how my day was. However, if you leave out my tangy honey mustard sauce again, its on, k?
> 
> Loyal customer



Actually, it's spelled "autistic" in the case of McEmployees. 

However, these people get a 6 year training in the finest of restaurants in Paris, so is it wrong to expect mustard...? 

I hope you reported this.


----------



## Paquito (Dec 14, 2008)

B68 said:


> Actually, it's spelled "autistic" in the case of McEmployees.
> 
> However, these people get a 6 year training in the finest of restaurants in Paris, so is it wrong to expect mustard...?
> 
> I hope you reported this.



Indeed I did, along with Taco Bell leaving on the sour cream when I asked for none and Pizza Hut for giving be sausage pizza instead of pepperoni.

"The outrages I have suffered today will not soon be forgotten. No they will not be forgotten, those outrages. No no, not the outrages"

I hope I got that quote right :blush:


----------



## Blackjack (Dec 14, 2008)

B68 said:


> Actually, it's spelled "autistic" in the case of McEmployees.



Because truly, anyone with a job that you don't have respect for _must_ be retarded, right?


----------



## B68 (Dec 14, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Because truly, anyone with a job that you don't have respect for _must_ be retarded, right?



Yes! Truly jobbed anyones with respect should be highly retarded! 

Right


----------



## BrunetteBeauty80 (Dec 14, 2008)

Dear legs and back,
Seriously, let me sleep. I am tired all day, and if you could just stop hurting long enough for me to get some decent sleep I would appreciate it. Also, I hope it isn't anything serious, and I apologize for not getting you to a doctor sooner. You know how it is without insurance. Can't pay for diagnostics when you don't have any money. I don't appreciate having to scream out in pain any time I change positions. Neither does my fiance. It wakes him up. If you could just stop hurting, even if just for a day I would be so happy. Also...what is up with when I raise my arms the shooting pain down my back and legs? What is that? Why has that suddenly started? It isn't funny, okay. You have my attention now. I made my appointment with the doctor. You can stop now. k, thanks!

Sincerely,
Tired and in pain.


----------



## mszwebs (Dec 15, 2008)

Dear _____,

Go away. Absence can not make the heart grow fonder is your sad ass is still here. Not that it was going to anyway, but at least with you gone, you've got a shot.

Seriously.

Buh-bye.

*****************
Dear _____,

I have a feeling that in the end, you really missed out.

Sincerely,

Someone who can not feel sorry for you.

*****************

Dear _____,

There were things that I did want to say, but I couldn't for a lot of reasons. Someday, I promise I will.

Sooner rather than later,

Someone who has just as much of an issue opening up as you do. If not more.


----------



## gypsy (Dec 15, 2008)

Dear person on myspace,

Obviously, the third round of "who the hell are you, and why are you trying to add me; DENY" isn't getting through. 

I reserve my friends list on myspace for people who i have met, conversed with, hang out with, and are actually people I call FRIENDS, not collectors. 

Leave me alone.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Dec 16, 2008)

Dear Mother's Husband,

My level of dislike for you has been upped to an all time high. 

Go away,
Nancy

************

Dear Christmas,

Since my mother's husband has now ruined my holiday spirit can you please just be over.

Bah humbuggly yours,
Nancy


----------



## Surlysomething (Dec 16, 2008)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Christmas,
> 
> Since my mother's husband has now ruined my holiday spirit can you please just be over.
> 
> ...


 

Screw him! Don't let an asshole ruin your holidays. Seriously.


----------



## Mathias (Dec 16, 2008)

Dear Brain and/or Subconscious:

Could either one of you guys not produce another nightmare when I go to bed tonight? The one last night was pretty horrific. 

-Matty


----------



## Lovelyone (Dec 17, 2008)

Dear you, yeah you-
I really enjoyed our 2 hour conversation on the phone last night. I find you to be quite charming, not to mention handsome, interesting, pleasant, respectful, kind, sweet, and funny. Now when are you going to ___ ___ ___ ___??? (wicked lustful grin) 


Sign me, 

steals your cheese danish


----------



## thatgirl08 (Dec 18, 2008)

Dear Closet FA,

Thank you so much for lying to me, taking my virginity and then telling me I’m too embarrassing to bring around your family and friends.

I thought you wanted a girlfriend? That’s what you told me originally. Yet, today, you told me you weren’t ready to commit. You said you thought you were but you changed your mind? Oh, that’s a strange coincidence, isn’t it? Thanks for lying to me about your intentions after I repeatedly insisted that we be on the same page as to where this relationship was going.

I thought you were ready to come out as an FA? Now you’re “not so sure.” Suddenly, it’s “embarrassing to like fat girls” and you’re “not sure if you’re ready.” Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you fucked me. Maybe you should make a fucking decision. Just fucking man up already. You act like coming out about this would be the hardest thing in the entire world. You think it’s hard to like fat girls? Try being one. Try having to deal with assholes like you all the time. 

Thanks for pretending to give a shit about me when you obviously didn't. Thanks for making me take my guard down, just to shoot me with your bullshit. Thanks for bringing me out and telling me how beautiful I am just to turn around and tell me I’m an embarrassment. Thanks for sweet talking me into bed just to end up fucking me over. 

I hope you rot in hell,
Rachel


----------



## LoveBHMS (Dec 18, 2008)

Dear Rachel-

He's a dick.

I know this doesn't make it any easier and your sadness just leaps off the screen. I am so so so sorry that any man would behave this way. There is nothing to be gained by being such a jerk to a nice young lady such as yourself.

I get to say this b/c I spend money on hair dye and eye cream. There will be others and many of the others will be wonderful, respectful, honest individuals who will know how to treat another person. I promise.

<3333333333333333333

L.


----------



## Blackjack (Dec 18, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> Dear Closet FA...



((((You))))

I'm so sorry that happened. 

I fully second that "rot in hell".

As much as it hurts now, there'll be others, who're better, and who aren't so spineless.

-Beej


----------



## thatgirl08 (Dec 18, 2008)

Thanks both of you & to everyone who sent reps or PMs. It makes me feel a lot better knowing there are some decent guys out there and that there are girls who know how I feel. <3.


----------



## elle camino (Dec 18, 2008)

TG08: read my rep, and ilu. chin up. and on that note:

dear out of the closet FA:

as slow on the uptake as it makes me seem, i _just_ figured out that you're basically a real-life version of one of those creepy myspace fatgirl collector guys. 
gross. 
later. 

-a.


----------



## sweet&fat (Dec 18, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> Thanks both of you & to everyone who sent reps or PMs. It makes me feel a lot better knowing there are some decent guys out there and that there are girls who know how I feel. <3.



There are good guys out there. So sorry to hear about this asshole. 
Closet FAs can bite me. Hang in there. <3


----------



## exile in thighville (Dec 18, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> Dear Closet FA,
> 
> Thank you so much for lying to me, taking my virginity and then telling me Im too embarrassing to bring around your family and friends.
> 
> ...



Take comfort that life goes on. You'll find a sweet FA, and he'll never be happy.


----------



## washburn (Dec 18, 2008)

Dear work, 
you suck ass


----------



## mimosa (Dec 18, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> Dear Closet FA,
> Thanks for bringing me out and telling me how beautiful I am just to turn around and tell me Im an embarrassment.
> Rachel



Dear Rachel,

You are beautiful and worthy of a lot more. I promise that time will heal your broken heart. *hug to you


Mimi:bow:


----------



## thatgirl08 (Dec 18, 2008)

elle camino said:


> TG08: read my rep, and ilu. chin up. and on that note:
> 
> dear out of the closet FA:
> 
> ...





sweet&fat said:


> There are good guys out there. So sorry to hear about this asshole.
> Closet FAs can bite me. Hang in there. <3





exile in thighville said:


> Take comfort that life goes on. You'll find a sweet FA, and he'll never be happy.





mimosa said:


> Dear Rachel,
> 
> You are beautiful and worthy of a lot more. I promise that time will heal your broken heart. *hug to you
> 
> ...



Thanks guys. <3. 

& to Elle - sorry you're having guy problems too girly. I hope things work out for you. :]


----------



## Blackjack (Dec 19, 2008)

Dear noobs:

Although your enthusiasm is certainly a good thing, it's really just an annoyance when you post on EVERY. SINGLE. PAYSITE. THREAD.

I click "New Posts" at the top and I have to sift through three pages of paysite threads to get to the topics that I actually want to _read_. While the paysite posts are nice to look at, I'm not interested in them after the first post; however, I like to see all the new stuff, otherwise I'd just clear all the posts from there right away.

So please. Let's bring it back a notch, yeah?


----------



## LisaInNC (Dec 19, 2008)

Dear Chest Cold,

Dont even start!!

Love, 
Lisa

Dear Ex-boyfriend (who wants to get back together),

I can totally be bought for a PS3.

Love, 
Lisa


----------



## g-squared (Dec 19, 2008)

Dear Rachel,

Thank you for convincing me that I don't have meningitis.

Yours truly,
George


----------



## thatgirl08 (Dec 19, 2008)

g-squared said:


> Dear Rachel,
> 
> Thank you for convincing me that I don't have meningitis.
> 
> ...



Dear George,

You're very welcome!

- Rachel


----------



## kayrae (Dec 19, 2008)

Dear George and Rachel, 

I just wanted to say hi.

Hearts, 
Kresta


----------



## thatgirl08 (Dec 19, 2008)

kayrae said:


> Dear George and Rachel,
> 
> I just wanted to say hi.
> 
> ...



Kresta,

Hey!

- Rachel


----------



## Lovelyone (Dec 19, 2008)

Blackjack said:


> Dear noobs:
> 
> Although your enthusiasm is certainly a good thing, it's really just an annoyance when you post on EVERY. SINGLE. PAYSITE. THREAD.
> 
> ...


MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY!!


----------



## SamanthaNY (Dec 19, 2008)

Speaking of the New Posts button - I curse whatever changes were made to banner ad placement controls - because paysite ads are _completely_ inescapable now, no matter how many times I mark everything read (that used to fix it for few hours). 

Do. *not*. want.


----------



## ladle (Dec 19, 2008)

Dear Lawns and Gardens,
I know it's summer, and it has rained a few days, but could you just stop growing for like a couple of weeks so I can chill out instead of being chained to a lawnmower and hoe for two days. And weeds....go to hell....if only the women I like were as persistent as you guys!
Rant over


----------



## g-squared (Dec 19, 2008)

kayrae said:


> Dear George and Rachel,
> 
> I just wanted to say hi.
> 
> ...



Dear Kresta,

Yo.

Formally yours,
George


----------



## B68 (Dec 19, 2008)

ladle said:


> Dear Lawns and Gardens,
> I know it's summer, and it has rained a few days, but could you just stop growing for like a couple of weeks so I can chill out instead of being chained to a lawnmower and hoe for two days. And weeds....go to hell....if only the women I like were as persistent as you guys!
> Rant over



My ex in law(n) was persistent as weed to come back in the house...


----------



## Donna (Dec 26, 2008)

Dear _____________;

You are over-thinking and over-analyzing things. While analyzing things can be a good quality and thinking things through is usually a recommended course of action when life is confusing, sometimes it can be too much. Some things just are, some people just have to be. Further, some people like what they like because that is what they like; there's no morality attached to it, no judgment, no preference or slight to anyone in particular. Lastly, people's tastes change over time, formed and colored by their experiences, and since taste and attraction are a subjective thing, why analyze it to death? 

Let it go. Live your life. Quit thinking so hard about life and just experience it. 

Trust me, 
The pot whose calling the kettle black


----------



## TotallyReal (Dec 26, 2008)

Dear Gin

I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your Friend,
Todd


----------



## Lovelyone (Dec 27, 2008)

Dear little sister, 
I am so happy that you and I are sisters. Thanks for making me feel welcome at all your events. I miss you. I love you. 
Terri


----------



## thatgirl08 (Dec 27, 2008)

Dear holidays,

I am not one bit sorry that you are over! Please make the family return to Kentucky ASAP. They're starting to piss me off.

- Rachel


----------



## mimosa (Dec 27, 2008)

Dear N

I don't know why I started chatting with a total jerk like you. This time I blocked your sorry butt. Get a life. 



Mimi


----------



## Sugar (Dec 27, 2008)

Dear Medication,

You did what I asked of you. I love you. :wubu:

Thanks,
Sarah

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear ______,

You're paranoid. Seriously no one cares what you do, least of all me. If I had more time to jerk off I might care about the fact you think every little thing is about you but I don't so take this well spent moment and get the fuck over yourself. 

Sarah

PS...I won 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Honeybear,

Gosh I love you. :wubu: *lesigh*

Big Smooches,
Honeybee


----------



## Famouslastwords (Dec 27, 2008)

Dear guys in California,

Isn't there one decent guy that's my age amongst the lot of you that could possibly find me totally amazing? I don't have high standards when it comes to looks, I usually find charm in even most unconventional looking guy's faces. Really I'm just sick of the perverts, the ones who want easy lays, and the guys who treat women badly, or at least me.

Well maybe I'll meet one of you in college!

Sincerely,

Single Fat Girl


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 27, 2008)

Dear FamousLastWords,

Seems like you're not the only one having trouble finding a quality man. I have dated and spoken to many guys of various ages these past few months after putting up a personal ad online. So many do want it all to be so "easy" for them...not willing to put in the time for a simple conversation or short courtship before expecting you to immediately fall over and fuck him seventeen kinky ways until Sunday all because he called you pretty. 
Is this the result of TV/Movies/Porn??? These expectations of "instant gratification" some of them have...and being oblivious to the real, live person they are talking to....where the fuck did that come from? Wherever it's roots lie.....I suspect it's not planted in reality.

The good stuff in life that is worth having....it never comes easy. That means you really do have to sometimes dig through a pile of manure to find that gem buried at the bottom.....but isn't that diamond well worth the digging? 


Good luck on your search- don't stop until you get what you want  
Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## Famouslastwords (Dec 27, 2008)

Dear GEF,

Thanks!

Love FLW


----------



## Rowan (Dec 27, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear FamousLastWords,
> 
> Seems like you're not the only one having trouble finding a quality man. I have dated and spoken to many guys of various ages these past few months after putting up a personal ad online. So many do want it all to be so "easy" for them...not willing to put in the time for a simple conversation or short courtship before expecting you to immediately fall over and fuck him seventeen kinky ways until Sunday all because he called you pretty.
> Is this the result of TV/Movies/Porn??? These expectations of "instant gratification" some of them have...and being oblivious to the real, live person they are talking to....where the fuck did that come from? Wherever it's roots lie.....I suspect it's not planted in reality.
> ...




well my dearest.....i am sorry to say...most men are retarded....because they cant think with anything but that tiny head of theirs...its sad *shakes head* 

lol


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 27, 2008)

Dear Rowan,

Yeah...but I was trying really, really hard to be nice  


smooches, 
Moi


----------



## Haunted (Dec 27, 2008)

Rowan said:


> well my dearest.....i am sorry to say...most men are retarded....because they cant think with anything but that tiny head of theirs...its sad *shakes head*
> 
> lol





Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Rowan,
> 
> Yeah...but I was trying really, really hard to be nice
> 
> ...



And I am King of the retards !!!!


----------



## Rowan (Dec 27, 2008)

Haunted said:


> And I am King of the retards !!!!



Dear King of the Retards....


try thinking with your gray matter then 


lol

-Rowan


----------



## Haunted (Dec 27, 2008)

Rowan said:


> Dear King of the Retards....
> 
> 
> try thinking with your gray matter then
> ...



It'll be my new years Resolution (it's a start any way) Retards Unite !!! Dyslexics Untie !!!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 27, 2008)

Haunted said:


> And I am King of the retards !!!!



I have a very true story that I have to share.....I promise it is worth the read. 

Many years ago, my father was visiting. We all, including my now ex-husband, went to this kind of out of the way flea market. 
One of the vendors had a rack of bumper stickers....one read "Men are idiots and I married their King". I could not help but burst into extreme chortling whilst my ex read that and started acting confused. He turned around and said "I don't understand why you think that is so funny"...which set me into an even greater fit of laughter. My father had to join in my raucous laughter about the third time my ex had to say that he didn't understand why it was so funny.....and he was being quite serious. :doh:


----------



## Rowan (Dec 27, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I have a very true story that I have to share.....I promise it is worth the read.
> 
> Many years ago, my father was visiting. We all, including my now ex-husband, went to this kind of out of the way flea market.
> One of the vendors had a rack of bumper stickers....one read "Men are idiots and I married their King". I could not help but burst into extreme chortling whilst my ex read that and started acting confused. He turned around and said "I don't understand why you think that is so funny"...which set me into an even greater fit of laughter. My father had to join in my raucous laughter about the third time my ex had to say that he didn't understand why it was so funny.....and he was being quite serious. :doh:



Chortling....gotta love that word


----------



## olwen (Dec 27, 2008)

Dear Far away sister of mine, 

You're great, but a Macy's gift card? In the entire time we've known each other have I ever once asked for a Macy's gift card? I do believe I've specifically said don't ever get me one of those cause I never shop there unless I need a new kitchen appliance. And I hate going in there because it's always sooooooo crowded. I can't buy anything online because the amount is too low. The one thing I could use, they don't have. I mean I appreciate the gesture what with it being xmas and all, but man, it's gonna take me a while to figure out what to buy....I'd have been perfectly happy with an itunes or amazon gift card. Sigh.


----------



## kayrae (Dec 27, 2008)

dear olwen, i'll spend it for you if you'd like :happy:


----------



## olwen (Dec 27, 2008)

kayrae said:


> dear olwen, i'll spend it for you if you'd like :happy:



Ha. What would you buy?


----------



## TraciJo67 (Dec 27, 2008)

olwen said:


> Ha. What would you buy?



I'd buy a big box of their Frango mint chocolates. Like Andes, only way, way better.

I just bought two really comfy down pillows for $9.99 each at Macy's. 

In the home baked goods area, they have these amazing boxes of gourmet cupcake mix -- typically about $12 each but I just got one for half off. At $6 for the box, it was still really expensive but ohhhh wow were they good -- a butter cake mix with cream cheese & toasted coconut topping.


----------



## olwen (Dec 27, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> I'd buy a big box of their Frango mint chocolates. Like Andes, only way, way better.
> 
> I just bought two really comfy down pillows for $9.99 each at Macy's.
> 
> In the home baked goods area, they have these amazing boxes of gourmet cupcake mix -- typically about $12 each but I just got one for half off. At $6 for the box, it was still really expensive but ohhhh wow were they good -- a butter cake mix with cream cheese & toasted coconut topping.



Oh right. I forgot that they sell chocolate and ice cream and whatnot. The one here has a restaurant in the Cellar, maybe I could use the card there for lunch one day. Thanks.


----------



## liz (di-va) (Jan 4, 2009)

Dear Universe:

Bend to my will, please! Thanks!

Actually...okay--okay---wait. All I mean is...I'd be very grateful for a lil help. I'll keep trying too.

Thanks!
Yer bitch


----------



## liz (di-va) (Jan 4, 2009)

Dear ____:

If you pay me attention, I will purr like a kitten.

From,
!


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 5, 2009)

Dear MySpace Mafia Wars-

Why are you so effing addicting?!?!

I hate you.

-Me

-----

Dear New Job Orientation-

I'm pretty sure you are trying to find a way to kill people through boredom. Good job today... I think you had a few casualties.

- The person in the back row, trying to keep her eyes open

-----


----------



## kayrae (Jan 6, 2009)

dear s, 

You're wishy washy and I'm having second thoughts about you.


----------



## Lovelyone (Jan 6, 2009)

Dear You-
We were extremely happy to hear that you were moving out. So happy in fact, that we celebrated that evening by having a nice home cooked meal and cookies. We were excited that you and your chaotic family were leaving, and our lives would be getting back to peace, cleanliness, and quiet as opposed to noise, filth, screaming, chaos and confusion. When you said things like "I want to get out of this house and away from this effing family as soon as I can. I hate you all!! Me and my kids don't need you", we took that to mean that you were LEAVING...we took that to mean that you would NOT be coming back here EVERY SINGLE day, spending the WHOLE day in our home and bringing your chaos with you. We took that to mean that we would finally be able to relax and enjoy our programs, dinner, chats, family, and friends without having you scream at your kids for some reason or another and without having your children throw embarrassing temper tantrums. We took that to mean that you would FINALLY take your troubled children, and your dirty hygiene to your OWN home. Please, do as you said you would--and go. Short visits...fine, but everyday-all day is like you not moving out at all. GO, for the sake of all that is good...GO!!


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jan 6, 2009)

Dear Rowan/GEF: Although we tend to be retards, for some reason you still find us charming.  That and when one has to redirect so much of one's blood flow to something so massive, it's going to have an impact on brain function. I know I am overinflating the issue, but you have to give us some sort of a break. You show up for a date looking all hot and stuff and we turn into babbling idiots. I still weep for the immaturity of my gender, but we're not all complete asshats.

Dear TraciJo: Glad you are doing well with the mints. I am in the fourth day of giving up my beloved Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi (praise be unto it's name) and so far the urge to kill hasn't risen too far (with some exceptions). I'm compensating with small amounts of Folger's coffee and a shitload of hazelnut creamer, but nothing beats that sting of acidic, carbonated goodness on my tongue and the soothing sensation of artificial cherry flavoring rotting out my innards.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 6, 2009)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear TraciJo: Glad you are doing well with the mints. I am in the fourth day of giving up my beloved Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi (praise be unto it's name) and so far the urge to kill hasn't risen too far (with some exceptions). I'm compensating with small amounts of Folger's coffee and a shitload of hazelnut creamer, but nothing beats that sting of acidic, carbonated goodness on my tongue and the soothing sensation of artificial cherry flavoring rotting out my innards.



Dear Admiral_Snackie:

I'm not doing well with the mints, damn it. They're too expensive for my taste. Hell, I can't afford a box of Andes. I was simply recommending the delish treats to someone who received an otherwise useless Macy's gift card. I'd kill for a Macy's gift card, BTW. Well ... I'd maim, at least. 

Good luck with the Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi withdrawals, Admiral. I can relate. Well, actually ... I can't. Ain't nothin' getting between me and my frothy lattes of foamy vanilla goodness. I'd simply murderize anyone who stood in the way. Health, schmealth. We gotta live, right?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 6, 2009)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Rowan/GEF: Although we tend to be retards, *for some reason you still find us charming*.  That and when one has to redirect so much of one's blood flow to something so massive, it's going to have an impact on brain function. I know I am overinflating the issue, but you have to give us some sort of a break. You show up for a date looking all hot and stuff and we turn into babbling idiots. I still weep for the immaturity of my gender, *but we're not all complete asshats.*



It isn't charm that keeps us going....it's that second bolded sentence that keeps me prowling  :bow:


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 6, 2009)

Dear Frankie and Chiquita-

While I am getting paid to hang out with you, I am under no obligation to actually like you. You guys smell bad. Frankie- get your head out of my lap.

Thanks
-Samantha
They're dogs. Calm down.
-----

Dear Bubbles-

What the hell?? Be more assertive!! It'll pay off, believe me.

- The Call Maker


----------



## Lovelyone (Jan 7, 2009)

Dear Shrek popsicle makers-
Thank you for your delicious fruity flavored icey goodness. It goes well with a sore throat. 

Dear Sherri
I stole one of Maddie's popsickles out of the freezer. I know that you don't mind, but I just wanted to tell you.  *cheesy grin*


----------



## CleverBomb (Jan 7, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear FamousLastWords,
> 
> Seems like you're not the only one having trouble finding a quality man. I have dated and spoken to many guys of various ages these past few months after putting up a personal ad online. So many do want it all to be so "easy" for them...not willing to put in the time for a simple conversation or short courtship before expecting you to immediately fall over and fuck him seventeen kinky ways until Sunday all because he called you pretty.
> Is this the result of TV/Movies/Porn??? These expectations of "instant gratification" some of them have...and being oblivious to the real, live person they are talking to....where the fuck did that come from? Wherever it's roots lie.....I suspect it's not planted in reality.
> ...


Keep digging, there's got to be a pony in here _somewhere_!

-Rusty


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 7, 2009)

CleverBomb said:


> Keep digging, there's got to be a pony in here _somewhere_!
> 
> -Rusty




Lol, yeah I have heard THAT story, too......


----------



## steely (Jan 7, 2009)

Alright,I have had it.This is the year for ME.I'm tired of taking on everyone else's feelings.This year I am going to treat myself like I treat other people.I am putting myself first.I am taking care of me first.I am saying no when I feel like it and I am not explaining why.I'm not justifying my feelings.I don't have to,they're mine.

I am tired of it all.I will make a change.For better or worse,I must.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 7, 2009)

steely said:


> Alright,I have had it.This is the year for ME.I'm tired of taking on everyone else's feelings.This year I am going to treat myself like I treat other people.I am putting myself first.I am taking care of me first.I am saying no when I feel like it and I am not explaining why.I'm not justifying my feelings.I don't have to,they're mine.
> 
> I am tired of it all.I will make a change.For better or worse,I must.



That's one hella good New Year promise....:bow:


----------



## steely (Jan 7, 2009)

It's way past time,GEF.Thanks.


----------



## olwen (Jan 7, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Admiral_Snackie:
> 
> I'm not doing well with the mints, damn it. They're too expensive for my taste. Hell, I can't afford a box of Andes. I was simply recommending the delish treats to someone who received an otherwise useless Macy's gift card. I'd kill for a Macy's gift card, BTW. Well ... I'd maim, at least.
> 
> Good luck with the Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi withdrawals, Admiral. I can relate. Well, actually ... I can't. Ain't nothin' getting between me and my frothy lattes of foamy vanilla goodness. I'd simply murderize anyone who stood in the way. Health, schmealth. We gotta live, right?



Great now I have to shop for protective head gear...while eating fancy chocolate of course. 

Seriously tho, I decided to buy some MAC makeup and a fancy new brush with the gift card. I can't wait.


----------



## bobbleheaddoll (Jan 7, 2009)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear TraciJo: Glad you are doing well with the mints. I am in the fourth day of giving up my beloved Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi (praise be unto it's name) and so far the urge to kill hasn't risen too far (with some exceptions). I'm compensating with small amounts of Folger's coffee and a shitload of hazelnut creamer, but nothing beats that sting of acidic, carbonated goodness on my tongue and the soothing sensation of artificial cherry flavoring rotting out my innards.


 
dear admiral snackbar,

how did you do it? how did you get the diet soda monkey off your back? the last time i tried to kick my diet coke (nectar of the gods) habit i was so overwhelmed by the "diet coke headache" that i too fought the urge to kill using the imaginary steak knife that was splitting open my skull...alternate caffeine sources were no relief. i think it must be the magic chemical that makes diet coke so sweet and delicious that makes my brain ache :doh:when i try to kick the habit. they must not juice diet wild cherry pepsi (or as i call it, low octane cough syrup) with the stuff they do diet coke because i finally gave in and had one rather than continue to suffer...

oh great and powerful warrior...how did you survive diet soda detox?


----------



## mimosa (Jan 8, 2009)

Dear Freaky Guys,

Please DO NOT send me penis photos unless I ask for some. ( And that's not anytime soon!)


Muchas Gracias,

Mimi:bow:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 8, 2009)

mimosa said:


> Dear Freaky Guys,
> 
> Please DO NOT send me penis photos unless I ask for some. ( And that's not anytime soon!)
> 
> ...



Dear Peen photo guys:

Out of those sent to me, I have only seen one that was "tempting"......Clever words and intelligence seem to go farther with me....

Agrees with Mimosa,
GEF


----------



## Lovelyone (Jan 9, 2009)

Dear Hillbillies whom are in our kitchen-

There is such a thing as wearing out your welcome. Please take the hints and leave. When someone says "I have to get ready for work", or yawns incessantly, or tells you they have things to do in the afternoon, or tells you that they have to prepare a dinner...that does not mean hunker down and dig your heels in for a pleasant afternoon. These people are politely trying to tell you to go home. 

Although some people do like to hear your stories about the trailer park, your 5 children, and how you scam welfare and SSI...I am not one of them. 

*sprays some 'pest-be-gone' and hopes it works.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 9, 2009)

Dear Christopher Paolini,

BITE ME.  I finally got to read "Brisingr," which was supposed to be the LAST book of the Inheritance trilogy. The entire time felt so bittersweet for me, because I knew this was the last time I'd be reading a book with this storyline. I'm what looks like about 20 pages from what looks like the end of the novel, and WHAM. "This concludes book 3. The story ends in book 4." BOOK FOUR?!

I don't know whether to be furious (I feel deceived somehow since I fully expected the story to be resolved in this novel), or overwhelmingly happy that I get to read another book. Mostly I feel tricked, though. I wish you'd warned people up front in the third novel. 

This book felt "lacking" somehow. It didn't really have an end that was REALLY an ending, and I guess we know why - the rest is in book 4. lol. 

Anyway - I still love you, because your writing is still amazing, but next time, warn a girl, will ya?


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jan 9, 2009)

Wow lovely one, sounds like both of my sisters!



Lovelyone said:


> Dear Hillbillies whom are in our kitchen-
> 
> There is such a thing as wearing out your welcome. Please take the hints and leave. When someone says "I have to get ready for work", or yawns incessantly, or tells you they have things to do in the afternoon, or tells you that they have to prepare a dinner...that does not mean hunker down and dig your heels in for a pleasant afternoon. These people are politely trying to tell you to go home.
> 
> ...


----------



## Rowan (Jan 9, 2009)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear Rowan/GEF: Although we tend to be retards, for some reason you still find us charming.  That and when one has to redirect so much of one's blood flow to something so massive, it's going to have an impact on brain function. I know I am overinflating the issue, but you have to give us some sort of a break. You show up for a date looking all hot and stuff and we turn into babbling idiots. I still weep for the immaturity of my gender, but we're not all complete asshats.
> 
> Dear TraciJo: Glad you are doing well with the mints. I am in the fourth day of giving up my beloved Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi (praise be unto it's name) and so far the urge to kill hasn't risen too far (with some exceptions). I'm compensating with small amounts of Folger's coffee and a shitload of hazelnut creamer, but nothing beats that sting of acidic, carbonated goodness on my tongue and the soothing sensation of artificial cherry flavoring rotting out my innards.




Dear Admiral....


I just wish I would be asked out...and on the rare ocassion that i have been...I wish they'd have even shown up to be blithering idiots. 

sincerely
- unlucky in love


----------



## Sugar (Jan 10, 2009)

Dear Best Friend,

Gosh I love you. :wubu: Thanks for making my life better in so many ways a super computer couldn't count. 

Love,

Sarah aka the girl who should be a better friend and will do better

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Monkey,

I forgot to tell you...when I chit chat in the middle of the night after I just woke up from hours of sleep it rarely makes sense. So uh yeah...I can't be responsible for the conversation last night. Sorry, love... :blush:

Love you bunches,
Crazy Bee


----------



## olwen (Jan 10, 2009)

Rowan said:


> Dear Admiral....
> 
> 
> I just wish I would be asked out...and on the rare ocassion that i have been...I wish they'd have even shown up to be blithering idiots.
> ...



Dear Rowan, 

Forget about men for a while. Forget about dating. I know it's hard, but once you stop putting out sad or frustrated thoughts the universe will be able to hear the positive desire underneath and then it will provide. I know it sounds new agey and trite, but I dunno....it seems to work for people. It's when they stop focusing on relationships that one comes around.

Sincerely,

O.


----------



## Cors (Jan 10, 2009)

Dear GEF and Mimosa, 

Please respond to the creeps with a "hawt" picture like this. 







Love, 
Penis Hater


----------



## kayrae (Jan 10, 2009)

har har... i'm going to save this one for sure


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 10, 2009)

olwen said:


> Dear Rowan,
> 
> Forget about men for a while. Forget about dating. I know it's hard, but once you stop putting out sad or frustrated thoughts the universe will be able to hear the positive desire underneath and then it will provide. I know it sounds new agey and trite, but I dunno....it seems to work for people. It's when they stop focusing on relationships that one comes around.
> 
> ...



Dearest Rowan....

Olwen is correct....you find things when you stop looking for them. Take some "me time". You have a lot going for you so work on improving your strengths for a while.....and I'm going to follow my own advice. If I ever get down to Florida again, *I* am so taking you out myself......and I definitely won't stand you up 

Sincerely,
The Fairy



Cors said:


> Dear GEF and Mimosa,
> 
> Please respond to the creeps with a "hawt" picture like this.
> 
> ...



Dear Cors....

Don't set yourself up to have me start e-stalking you.....I am not always a well woman   

Teh Fairy

P.S. What are you wearing now?


----------



## Rowan (Jan 10, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dearest Rowan....
> 
> Olwen is correct....you find things when you stop looking for them. Take some "me time". You have a lot going for you so work on improving your strengths for a while.....and I'm going to follow my own advice. If I ever get down to Florida again, *I* am so taking you out myself......and I definitely won't stand you up
> 
> ...



Well going back to school is definitely helping with the me time stuff...dont have much time to think about dating much anymore...

and if you come to florida...im sure it would be one of the nicest dates ive had


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Jan 10, 2009)

Dear Previously Annoying Redneck Neighbor-

I just want to thank you sincerely for your kindness in allowing my husband to absolutely clean out your Meyer Lemon tree.

Even though you have said and done things that have caused me to call the police on more than one occasion, this has made me like you today.

In fact, for the next few days, while I wash, zest, juice and freeze the 125 lbs. or so of fruit, I will be thinking very kind thoughts of you. I also plan on making you some delicious Meyer Lemon bars so that you can realize that, not only are these fruit edible, but they are freaking FANtastic. 

Hopefully, next year, you will either forget how good they are, or won't be living there, so that we have a chance of enjoying another harvest.

Feeling blessed with lemony goodness-

Your more sweet than tart neighbor


----------



## Donna (Jan 10, 2009)

DumbAssBunny said:


> Dear Previously Annoying Redneck Neighbor-
> 
> I just want to thank you sincerely for your kindness in allowing my husband to absolutely clean out your Meyer Lemon tree.
> 
> ...



Dear DAB;

What day and time will you be making these wonderful lemony bars? I need to know when to show up with the gallon of ice cold milk to wash them down with. 

Lemonly Yours, 
Definitely Tart


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jan 10, 2009)

Donna said:


> Dear DAB;
> 
> What day and time will you be making these wonderful lemony bars? I need to know when to show up with the gallon of ice cold milk to wash them down with.
> 
> ...



Sorry, they're all mine.

Right DAB?


----------



## Catkin (Jan 11, 2009)

Dear body,

please please please don't get sick this week! I need to be able to concentrate just until Friday afternoon, then the exam will be over and I will be free. I promise to dose you up with hot blackcurrant, vitamins and cold medicine until then. 

Also, this killer headache that I've had every morning can fuck right off


----------



## mimosa (Jan 11, 2009)

Dear F

I got a taste of my own medicine....Blah! Yuck!


ex-needy chick




Dear M

Major point deduction for sending me the same tired message you send all your **rucas. If you are going to play the game...do it right!


La Reyna ( And don't you forget it!)




Dear W,

Together or Apart.....you will always be the love of my life. Thank you for always being there for me.


Love always,

Mimi




 **ruca: spanish term for someone old. used more with a negative connotation.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Jan 11, 2009)

Donna said:


> Dear DAB;
> 
> What day and time will you be making these wonderful lemony bars? I need to know when to show up with the gallon of ice cold milk to wash them down with.
> 
> ...





Famouslastwords said:


> Sorry, they're all mine.
> 
> Right DAB?



Dear Donna and FLW:

Just give me time ladies. It will probably take me all week just to work out all of their goodness. But, I most certainly will share. In fact, I will be freezing a lot of juice and zest. Maybe I should plan on bringing some to the Bash. Then for sure I can share.

The Lemon Lady


----------



## ashmamma84 (Jan 11, 2009)

To the random text messenger who won't stop...

asking me if I like fisting *gag* 

1. the only thing I wanna fist right about now is yo face

2. do you really think texting like everyday is gonna make me change my mind...like seriously you can kiss my uterus!

3. no, I don't want to be friends and no, I don't want to screw you. Fuck.off.


----------



## LisaInNC (Jan 11, 2009)

ashmamma84 said:


> To the random text messenger who won't stop...
> 
> asking me if I like fisting *gag*
> 
> ...



Wow!! I thought you liked it when I stalked you. You didnt have to call me out in front of everyone!!


----------



## KaliCurves (Jan 11, 2009)

D,

Im pissed at you for not telling me your going to bring the kids home at 7 ( and hr before they normally get home, I find out from the kids 2 hrs before hand) and telling me your going to feed them dinner. Then you actually bringing them home at 7:30with pizza in hand for me to feed them and clean up the mess. Their all tired and moody, because you didnt do as I asked and get them in bed early and not let them stay up till 3am. 

The fact you cant ever take them anywhere just you by yourself you have to have some one else tagging along so you can "show off" that your TRIEING to being a dad. When our 9 yr old daughter tells me that they only reason you take them is because that person is there and your trying to prove you do things with them, when in fact if no one is around you sleep on the couch all day while they take care of them selves.

You give the oldest a high salt snack from Mexico that the Dr already said she shouldnt be eating!! I watch her diet when I have her to keep her healthy and no blacking out, yet you feel its ok to give these to her because she hasnt had a black out in while!! ITS BECAUSE IM TAKING CARE OF HER, AND NOT LETTING HER EAT THE POISIONED SHIT!!

Just stop trying back out of our lives, and let us be. Let us move on and go where we all can be happy, taken care of, and no one is pretending they fucking care about the kids. He cares about them, he loves them, and he is the father you never will be, so stop trying to put on a act like your on broadway.


----------



## kayrae (Jan 11, 2009)

Daaaamn. Ashmama and Kali, those are pretty damn annoying.


----------



## SocialbFly (Jan 11, 2009)

Dear DimFriends,
Sometimes in my efforts to try and see all sides, i miss the forest for the trees. I am sorry if you found something that was said so hurtful and i seem to have missed the boat with it. Hugs and I promise to do better next time.
Dianna


----------



## chocolate desire (Jan 13, 2009)

Dear you I wish you would have been honest with your feelings along time ago.. Things would have been alot better for our friendship.


----------



## goofy girl (Jan 13, 2009)

ashmamma84 said:


> To the random text messenger who won't stop...
> 
> asking me if I like fisting *gag*
> 
> ...



Dear Ash, 

You had me at "1. the only thing I wanna fist right about now is yo face". I think you're the neatest girl ever. If you feel the same way about me, meet me at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day. Ok? :wubu:

Yours,
Goofy


----------



## Haunted (Jan 15, 2009)

Note to self, 

Everything WILL work out,

This crazy little family you have forming will solidify into one location!

You Will have that house livable By Fall '09

You will be and are the father they believe you are ! 

Stop doubting and keep believing....

You can do this now take charge and make it happen


----------



## mimosa (Jan 15, 2009)

Dear Haunted

Believing with you. God bless you and your family.


Mimosa:bow:




Haunted said:


> Note to self,
> 
> Everything WILL work out,
> 
> ...


----------



## KaliCurves (Jan 15, 2009)

It will, We will, You will, YOU ARE, Yes keep beleiving, stop doubting, NOW DO IT!!! MUAH I LOVE YOU !!!!


Haunted said:


> Note to self,
> 
> Everything WILL work out,
> 
> ...



ditto!


mimosa said:


> Dear Haunted
> 
> Believing with you. God bless you and your family.
> 
> ...


----------



## Ruffie (Jan 15, 2009)

Dear Girlfriend;

I am sad and confused that you seemingly blame me for your job loss. Work is work and friendship is friendship and I was mistaken to believe that you understood that. You know I don't make the decisions in the hiring and firing department and that this was a product of a gotcha for your husband from the boss. And while I understand your anger at the situation I do not understand that translating to me. What's worse is that you are avoiding me so we can talk about this. You got yourself a new wonderful and better job within a week, one that will use your talents to their max and yet it seems you cannot let go of this.
I was silly enough to think that you meant it when you said how much you loved me and needed me in your life. And that you would never walk out on our friendship the way others had in the past that we talked about, leaving a hole in my heart and making me frustrated as there was no explanation. People say corner you and let you know how I feel, but I seriously doubt you would hear me anyhow. IT is my wish for you that you are able to work through all the things that have been causing you pain, so that you can live your life to the fullest. And while in my head I understand this last blow and what you might feel was that I had a part in it, didn't fight enough for you or just being lumped into your anger about the situation is a reality in your head cause of all that came before it. Just know my heart will never understand, because of the love I have for you and the true reality that I did nothing to deserve this treatment. I love you, and my door will always be open to you. All you need to do is knock.
Ruth


----------



## chocolate desire (Jan 15, 2009)

I will be in Fl soon can i get my date then??




Rowan said:


> Well going back to school is definitely helping with the me time stuff...dont have much time to think about dating much anymore...
> 
> and if you come to florida...im sure it would be one of the nicest dates ive had


----------



## Rowan (Jan 15, 2009)

chocolate desire said:


> I will be in Fl soon can i get my date then??



Sho nuff


----------



## soleil3313 (Jan 19, 2009)

Dear Snow, 

Thank you for being pretty today.

- Bundled up Inside


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jan 19, 2009)

Dear doctor:

You and I have both known of my bronchitis issues for oh, 10 years now. You know that few of the traditional remedies work aside from the one syrup that has hydrocodone in it. The cough scoffs at OTC remedies, anything with codeine or little pearly pills. 

So why, through the course of five days is it damn near impossible to get an Rx for this stuff? I tried calling friday, but apparently no doctor in the United States can call in a cough syrup with hydrocodone in it. Bullshit. If I was 70 and complaining of back trouble you'd hook me up to an NG tube and a bag full of the stuff, no questions asked. It's not like I'm living in Tombstone during the Old West, trying to do my best Doc Holiday impersonation so I can get bottles of laudanum for my 'illness'. I cough and I ache and it causes my kidneystones and the rheumatiz to act up, and I don't like it one bit.

Please assume that since you know I get one and only one bottle of this stuff every few months (which I milk for every precious drop at that to ensure I don't abuse it), that I'm not sitting on a street corner giving samples to 1st graders with an eyedropper. Just give me the goddamn script so we can go our separate ways for a while.

Sincerely yours, you impotent wretch,

The Constantly Coughing Admiral


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 19, 2009)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear doctor:
> 
> You and I have both known of my bronchitis issues for oh, 10 years now. You know that few of the traditional remedies work aside from the one syrup that has hydrocodone in it. The cough scoffs at OTC remedies, anything with codeine or little pearly pills.
> 
> ...



I'd reckon it might have something to do with the giant frickin' Uruk arrows in your chest.

...just a guess.


----------



## liz (di-va) (Jan 19, 2009)

Dear "Bagged Me a Homer":

Please leave my head. Occupying it all day should have been enough.

Thank you,
Liz....lizzzzzlizzizzzzz....zoiusedtoplaythefieldiusedtobearoamer..... theseason'sturninroundformenow... IfinallybaggedmeaHomer!


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Jan 19, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> I'd reckon it might have something to do with the giant frickin' Uruk arrows in your chest.
> 
> ...just a guess.


Yeah, coughed so hard I split me horn.

I need to be careful with the avatar changes. I know how Sean Bean affects the ladies, and I don't need any more attention than I already have .

Also, after four, count 'em FOUR calls to the nurse's line I finally got the syrup I needed. Oh blessed prescription cough syrup, send this cough to HELL!


----------



## Blackjack (Jan 19, 2009)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> I know how Sean Bean affects the ladies



Oh, not just the ladies. :smitten::eat2:


----------



## steely (Jan 19, 2009)

Dear Lord,the man is perfection:smitten:


----------



## Sugar (Jan 19, 2009)

Dear ___, 

Thank you for being his friend during some really rough times and by proxy our friend. I'm sorry if I took things you said in a way that wasn't in the spirit in which they were meant. 

We've known each other for a long time and I hope that continues for a long time. 

Love your guts out,
Sarah


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jan 19, 2009)

Dear Low Class Degenerate Piece of Trash:

A walkout? You're effing kidding me right?

My coworker is five months pregnant. When somebody who is five months pregnant is waiting tables you have to be lower than dirt to walk on on the tab. There is a special place in hell waiting for you. You can actually sleep at night knowing she has to pay for you damned food?

Screw you.

L.


----------



## Sugar (Jan 19, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Low Class Degenerate Piece of Trash:
> 
> A walkout? You're effing kidding me right?
> 
> ...



What happens where there is a dine and dash? Does the waiter/waitress have to pay for it?


----------



## mimosa (Jan 20, 2009)

****I am sorry if I offend anyone. Please forgive me. I had to get this out. Its eatting me alive.******




Fucked up bitch that hit my son

Do you understand the pain that I had to endure because of your sorry ass? I havent moved past it. I am bitter...yes I admit it. What you have done has put in me as a prisoner in my own house. Sick with depression and panic attacks.
DO you know the shit I had to go through just so I can have one healthy child? I miscarriaged two times...then I had my son. But then even he had to fight for his life! 
Then your sorry ass put your hands on him. A woman that all parents are suppose to trust. You are nothing but a piece of trash! I hate you! You should rot in jail! 

But for some reason, God has had mercy on you. I pray that you will learn your lesson somehow, you stupid bitch!


Pissed off Mama that loves her son with all her heart.


----------



## steely (Jan 20, 2009)

I'm sorry,Mimosa.You have every right to be angry.This is your child.You have the right to feel any way you need to feel.I hope you can come to grips with your feelings.Don't let it eat you up.Get it out the way you need to.(((hugs))) to you and your little one.


----------



## mossystate (Jan 20, 2009)

Mimosa, 

I hope you can get some help, so that this horrible incident that was done to your son does not continue to harm him. As you know, children pick up a lot of what a parent is experiencing. Even if you think you are hiding the depressions and anxiety from him...he is soaking it up. 

That woman is not worth this ongoing poisoning of your life, and the life of your kid. 

Mossy


----------



## snuffy2000 (Jan 20, 2009)

mimosa said:


> ****I am sorry if I offend anyone. Please forgive me. I had to get this out. Its eatting me alive.******
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Mims, I'm sorry that you've gone through that issue with your son, and that the pain of it still lingers. My mom is a social worker and she's told me of countless scenarios like this, so I can only imagine what you've gone through emotionally, and I hope that one day your mind will be able to rest easy.


----------



## snuffy2000 (Jan 20, 2009)

Dear "People at the movies",

Shut up! :doh:

Sincerely,
The guy that wanted to hear the movies' dialogue and not yours.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 20, 2009)

Dear lowlife piece of shite who stole my wallet out of my open diaper bag at Chicago O'Hare airport:

I admit it. I was an idiot. I was also dragging a tired, cranky, sick 2-year-old around with me, who refused to allow me to carry him through the terminal, and I was very distracted as I was attempting to keep him out of harm's way. I know that seeing me, and then my wallet sitting loosely on top of the diaper bag, must have been tempting. I wish that you would have resisted the impulse. You see, in addition to the paltry sum of cash that I was carrying, my personal ID, and the credit cards that were immediately cancelled (good luck trying, schmuck), it was also carrying our boarding passes. 

Thank you, United Airlines, for reprinting my passes without requiring ID. 

Thank you especially to the kind older couple who overheard what was going on, and then quietly went to the convenience store to pick up a snack and juice for my son. I was afraid that I'd start to cry at your kindness and generosity, so I just thanked you. It was much, much more appreciated than I expressed to you. 

Thief, you can burn in hell (and I hope you do) but your action also confirmed my basic belief in the goodness of people.


----------



## goofy girl (Jan 20, 2009)

Dear Traci,

That sucks. Want me to beat the bad guy up for you? I totally will.


Yours,
Bridget


----------



## Spanky (Jan 20, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Thank you especially to the kind older couple who overheard what was going on, and then quietly went to the convenience store to pick up a snack and juice for my son. I was afraid that I'd start to cry at your kindness and generosity, so I just thanked you. It was much, much more appreciated than I expressed to you.



I can say from my own experience that it in the moments of distrust, distress and contempt for fellow man having dug a hole for you (especially the ass that stole from you), someone comes and fills in the hole that was dug for you, piles it up higher than it started. 

I kick myself for remembering the bad parts and forgetting the better parts. Remember the better part, Traci. In that you will find more positive thoughts for your fellow man. 

Cheers for that older couple. Double cheers. :bow:


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jan 20, 2009)

Dear Mega-Millions lottery,

My life would be infinitely happier if I won you. You're in 15 minutes, please don't let me down.

I'd move my sister back to California so she can live in a nice city like mine and not in crappy Arizona. She's my best friend, pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase.

Love ya,

Hopefully the next mega-millions winner.


----------



## CAMellie (Jan 20, 2009)

Dear Dimmers,

I have missed you so! I can't wait until I get my internet back.


Much love to you all,
Mellie


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jan 20, 2009)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Dimmers,
> 
> I have missed you so! I can't wait until I get my internet back.
> 
> ...



Mellie! I missedededed you.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jan 20, 2009)

Dear Mega-Millions,
I always like the Super Lotto better!
-Still trying


----------



## LoveBHMS (Jan 21, 2009)

Lucky said:


> What happens where there is a dine and dash? Does the waiter/waitress have to pay for it?



Yes. 

Sometimes the restaurant can write it off as a "loss" but where I work, you have to pay for it because it's your responsibility to oversee your tables.

Additionally, you still have to tip out the busboys and food runners based on your total sales, which would include your walkout AND if you get auditted by the IRS, they assume you get at least 8% tips on your sales, so you'd have to pay taxes on a "tip" you never got AFTER you paid the tab.


----------



## mimosa (Jan 21, 2009)

Miss ya, Mellie!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs,

Mimi




CAMellie said:


> Dear Dimmers,
> 
> I have missed you so! I can't wait until I get my internet back.
> 
> ...


----------



## largenlovely (Jan 21, 2009)

Dear Cousins Wife,

you are a bitch

Have a nice day 

Signed,

Your Husbands Seriously Fat Cousin

PS..do you own a mirror? because you are fat too!


----------



## kayrae (Jan 21, 2009)

dear largenlovely, 

Why do fatties pick on other fatties? I feel ya on that one.


----------



## largenlovely (Jan 21, 2009)

oops double post


----------



## largenlovely (Jan 21, 2009)

I guess some people are so miserable that they want to try to bring someone else down


kayrae said:


> dear largenlovely,
> 
> Why do fatties pick on other fatties? I feel ya on that one.


----------



## ashmamma84 (Jan 21, 2009)

Dear Psych-a-dykes,

if you ran to women to get away from crazy ass men, you're gonna end up dealing with crazy ass women too! I'm having difficulty understanding why people don't see that! Jumping into a relationship with a woman isn't a cure all of the ills of your abusive heterosexual encounters. If he whooped your ass, best believe she's probably gonna break her foot off in your ass AND ask you to put minutes on her cellphone. 

Self work is SO important. I can't reiterate that enough! Some folk seem to think being with women is a vacation and its NOT. In some ways, the stakes are higher. Men ain't shit, studs ain't shit, femmes ain't shit, bisexuals ain't shit, lesbians ain't shit, so what about YOU? What's left? Animals? Succulent plants? Read some self help books, go to counseling, pray, meditate, clean your house, eat better, dammit, do SOMETHING. It's very rare that someone makes a lifestyle change and doesn't reap its benefits.

Oh yeah and if "real recognize real" then why do so many "real" people get caught up in bullshit situations with bullshit people? Realness is not about being an asshole or a bitch. If that's you, do you but do you far away from me. If its true that you get out what you put in, it makes sense why so many hostile, brackish people get caught up. Good acts warrant rewards, I promise you that. Even if the rewards are delayed. Even if it means keeping a lil fucked up comment to yourself and writing it in your Hanana Montana diary when you get home, you'll be better for it. 

I don't claim to be the paragon of civility and virtue. I'll be the first to admit that sometimes I do have a bad attitude and sometimes I do have a lil stank in my voice, and on constantly trying to work on my priorities but the difference between me and alot of people is that I acknowledge it and work on it. I strive for more financially, emotionally, spiritually, educationally, etc. I'm not throwing stones from a glass house...I'm just inviting everyone over for drinks and encouraging them to leave their stones at home. lol


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 21, 2009)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Dimmers,
> 
> I have missed you so! I can't wait until I get my internet back.
> 
> ...




Dear Mellie,

You could have at least had the common courtesy to post pictures of your boobs for us before going off line again. :doh:

Severely Disappointed,
Moi


----------



## JoyJoy (Jan 22, 2009)

Yes, Dr.K, it's that time again. 

Time for another letter telling you all about how you *make me NUTS*. 


Please, for the love of all that is holy, if you're going to nag me for days about a deadline, monitoring me every hour to see if I've gotten the work done, don't throw a wrench in at the last minute and make me have to undo previous work just because it's what you prefer, not because it's the right way to do it. It doesn't matter either way, but it's going to add an hour to getting it done. If the time frame matters so little to you, then STOP NAGGING ME. 

Signed, 

Not Your Personal Lackey


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## mossystate (Jan 23, 2009)

Dear TraciVaJoJo,

I just saw your letter. What a slab of crap that person is. They probably hang out at airports just to do that. I hope there was a dirty diaper under the wallet, and that the person was left with more than your Glamour Shot license picture and $1.50. Would have been fun to see their face, as they tried to use our credit card. Fucker.

Swear it wasn't me,

MossyTheThing


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## TraciJo67 (Jan 24, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Dear TraciVaJoJo,
> 
> I just saw your letter. What a slab of crap that person is. They probably hang out at airports just to do that. I hope there was a dirty diaper under the wallet, and that the person was left with more than your Glamour Shot license picture and $1.50. Would have been fun to see their face, as they tried to use our credit card. Fucker.
> 
> ...


 
Hey -- it was more than just my beautiful mug plastered on my license and $1.50. It was at LEAST $2 and change, PLUS my Fashion Bug credit card. That, far more than my husband's Visa and Mastercard collection, truly hurt. 

Since I was inside the gate, I doubt that it was a professional thief, since everyone in that area is supposed to be a passenger. I think it was just some opportunistic creep. He/she will get his/hers. Hopefully, while trying to steal my ID to establish credit <snickering>. Good luck with that, schmuck. Sears might toss you a bone.


----------



## No-No-Badkitty (Jan 24, 2009)

Dear Lottery,

Ha Ha Ha, very funny. But one of my chosen numbers in five rows of quick pick numbers does not count as coming up with my numbers.
I've got friends......important friends....who will make your existence miserable....If you like your knees (where ever they are) intact, I suggest you cooperate.

Love Kitty,


----------



## SamanthaNY (Jan 24, 2009)

I wish you peeps would use the quote function better - so we can accurately keep up with the sniping and interpersonal drama .


----------



## mossystate (Jan 24, 2009)

I like that my sniping and drama appears to be directed at the wrong people! I guess I need lessons on how to be properly dramatic. Any other snipers give lessons?:happy:


Damn, messed it up again.
----

Dear_______,

Smile.

Sign me concerned, 
Monique


----------



## mimosa (Jan 26, 2009)

Dear W

You might as well live far away from me. There is no way I can reach you. It's too late. I hate it......but God and time will heal my pain. Thank you for the memories. They are beautiful ones. 



Love,

M


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## D_A_Bunny (Jan 26, 2009)

Dear Guy who lost his cat:

Look, we have been seeing a cat around the neighborhood. I saw your ad in the classified section and called to see if indeed your cat had white paws and to let you know that my friends and I would keep a look out for you. 

Now, please, STOP CALLING ME. Really, you are starting to freak me out. I am a paranoid person by nature and I feel that you already have too much information about me.

Seriously, my husband just thinks that you are lonely and that you really miss your cat and that I should call you back and chat since I am such a friendly person. But, the paranoia in me has conjured up that you are actually not missing a cat, but are looking for someone to ..... I don't know, make skin sweaters out of, lock up and experiment on with your new Ron Popeil knives, force to watch Jimi Hendrix concerts from back in the day, I don't know, but you won't.be.doing.it.to.me.

But just know that if I do see the cat again, hubby will be calling you, not me.

Signed,

The lady who keeps her blinds closed, mutes the tv when the dogs bark, and does not answer the door.


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## SMA413 (Jan 26, 2009)

Dear ER-

Thanks for the 6:45 admit. That was really _super_ swell. I love doing the 300 step admission history and physical assessment on a patient while recording shift report for the night shift and finishing all my charting.

Love you bunches-
The nurse on 5


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## Lovelyone (Jan 27, 2009)

DumbAssBunny said:


> Dear Guy who lost his cat:
> 
> Seriously, my husband just thinks that you are lonely and that you really miss your cat and that I should call you back and chat since I am such a friendly person. But, the paranoia in me has conjured up that you are actually not missing a cat, but are looking for someone to ..... I don't know, make skin sweaters out of, lock up and experiment on with your new Ron Popeil knives, force to watch Jimi Hendrix concerts from back in the day, I don't know, but you won't.be.doing.it.to.me.
> 
> ...



LMAO Skin sweaters...I tried to rep you for this, but I must "spread the rep around". Seems like you have met the twin brother to my yahoo freak. While I was reading that I was looking for a bone/furniture reference. 
Sorry that you had to deal with this person.


----------



## Lovelyone (Jan 27, 2009)

Dear Sherri-

Thanks for being there for me when I needed someone to talk to. I know it seems like such a small thing for you, but it meant a great deal to me. Thanks for getting me out of the house, and for helping me to see that anger and frustration don't have to be part of my everyday life. 

I love the change that I see in you and that you are so positive around everyone. I wish that I could be more like that. I love that you do not let the fucktards wear you down or get on your nerves. The way that you handle people is amazing. You truly are a "turn the other cheek" kind of person. I envy that in you and want to strive to be a better person because of you. 

I am happy that we seem to have become friends who are sisters, and sisters who are friends. I love ya bunches. 
Terri


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## WhiteHotRazor (Jan 27, 2009)

Dear Lazy kid that works at Walgreens,

I saw you kung fu grippin that fuckin Kit Kat in the back of the store while you were pretending to mop. I swear if I ever have to wait that long to buy a goddamn bag of corn nuts again I'm gonna make you switch to Mounds and if that doesn't change your sloth like behavior...Circus Peanuts my friend,Circus Peanuts. 

I'm coming back tomorrow for some bugles and a green river, better watch your back bitch.

-WHR-


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## kayrae (Jan 27, 2009)

dear s, 

grr... grr on you and your indifference and ignoring me and making me have a crush on you after you told me you had a crush on me first.


----------



## sugar and spice (Jan 27, 2009)

DumbAssBunny said:


> Dear Guy who lost his cat:
> 
> Look, we have been seeing a cat around the neighborhood. I saw your ad in the classified section and called to see if indeed your cat had white paws and to let you know that my friends and I would keep a look out for you.
> 
> ...



Christine, you are too funny but I must admit my mind would be going to the same place if that guy kept calling me...creepy.... ha ha."skin sweaters and Ron Popeil knives"


----------



## Cors (Jan 27, 2009)

kayrae said:


> dear s,
> 
> grr... grr on you and your indifference and ignoring me and making me have a crush on you after you told me you had a crush on me first.



Do you feel obliged to return crushes? Or does knowing someone is crushing on you make you consider the possibility? Just wondering. 

Indifference sucks either way though. ;(


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## URTalking2Jenn (Jan 27, 2009)

Where's the money?

Where are the jobs? Man, I know three people who lost there jobs and a few more who are counting the days until they lose theirs. I'm still looking for a job and it's been months....


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## kayrae (Jan 27, 2009)

Well, we've been friends for about 5 years (strictly online). I've liked him on and off, but we were in the friend zone for a long time. And at one point, he was engaged to someone so I didn't really think of him in those terms. He recently asked me out on a date and confessed his crush, which reminded me of all the things I like about him.

But I haven't heard from him in awhile, so...



Cors said:


> Do you feel obliged to return crushes? Or does knowing someone is crushing on you make you consider the possibility? Just wondering.
> 
> Indifference sucks either way though. ;(


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jan 27, 2009)

Cors said:


> Do you feel obliged to return crushes? Or does knowing someone is crushing on you make you consider the possibility? Just wondering.
> 
> Indifference sucks either way though. ;(




Wow lol I just read this and its funny you asked her that. I totally tend to end up liking guys that confess they have crushes on me first.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 27, 2009)

kayrae said:


> dear s,
> 
> grr... grr on you and your indifference and ignoring me and making me have a crush on you after you told me you had a crush on me first.




Jeez.....I just want to bitch slap him for you :doh:


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## steely (Jan 27, 2009)

Famouslastwords said:


> Wow lol I just read this and its funny you asked her that. I totally tend to end up liking guys that confess they have crushes on me first.



It shows they have excellent taste,at least.


----------



## Cors (Jan 27, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Jeez.....I just want to bitch slap him for you :doh:



Me too. 



Famouslastwords said:


> Wow lol I just read this and its funny you asked her that. I totally tend to end up liking guys that confess they have crushes on me first.



Hmm, interesting. That happened to me too, it led me to consider dates with women who seem straight otherwise.


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## CAMellie (Jan 27, 2009)

Dear Dimmers,

My internet is back on. I hope I was as missed as I missed you guys. :kiss2:


Smooches,
Mellie


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## mimosa (Jan 27, 2009)

Dear Mellie

Welcome back. Of course we missed you! 


Hugs, 

Mimi:kiss2::bow:


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## Mathias (Jan 28, 2009)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Dimmers,
> 
> My internet is back on. I hope I was as missed as I missed you guys. :kiss2:
> 
> ...



Dear Mellie,

Happy to see you back! :bow::happy::happy::bounce:


----------



## mszwebs (Jan 28, 2009)

Hey.

Um...

To quote an obnoxious and quite possibly one of the most ridiculously cheesy and yet catchy songs of all time:

"You've got a piece of me, and honestly, my life would suck without you." 

Yeah. I know. 

Shut up.

:blush:

Love,
~ Jess


----------



## sugar and spice (Jan 28, 2009)

CAMellie said:


> Dear Dimmers,
> 
> My internet is back on. I hope I was as missed as I missed you guys. :kiss2:
> 
> ...



Welcome back Mellie!


----------



## Wagimawr (Jan 28, 2009)

CAMellie said:


> Smooches,
> Mellie


YOU

Cool, welcome back.


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear Texas weather-

What the hell is the deal? Yesterday, on my way to class, it was like 70 outside. When I left class at 3, it was in the 30s. This morning, it was 38 but when I left class at 4, it was in the 60s.

Could you make up your mind, even if it's just for a whole day??

- Confused

-----

Dear Tony-

Here's some advice: when someone offers you gum, for the love of all that is holy, please take a piece!! And don't feel compelled to stand 6 inches away from my face when telling me something, k? I dunno what died in your mouth, but you don't need to share it with everyone on the floor.

Thanks bunches-
Minty Fresh


----------



## SamanthaNY (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear Federal Trade Commission; 

*THANK YOU.* You may be my favorite government entity, and believe-you-me, I'm not a fan of gummints. 

But you.... YOU! You changed the rules to close the loophole allowing asshole companies to use robots to call, trying to sell me stuff. And you shy little minx, did you trumpet your own horn? Noooo. All modest you are! I didn't realize until today when I got the umpteenth call from I-don't-know-who (because they refuse to identify themselves) asking to lower my credit rating... and I (again) waited to see if I could get an operator to yell at... and... wait... what's this? At the end of the call was a "press 2 to opt out", saying I'd be removed from the call list. Me = :blink: "what?... I don't have to yell anymore? No more air horn into the receiver?". I couldn't push that 2 button fast enough. And I have YOU to thank for it, FTC. 

I _joyfully _look forward to all the other telemarketing calls I'll get, and gleefully listen as I opt out of each list. I'll smile as I imagine each telemarketer's "customer" list dwindling down nothing while their operators sit idly by, filing their nails and texting their besties about how they're so bored at this job.

You rock, FTC. Let's do lunch sometime, 'kay?

With much gratitude and admiration, 

Samantha.


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## SMA413 (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear Samantha-

Even with the "press 2 to opt out" option, you'll probably still end up with calls... I get the "the warranty on your car is about to expire" calls on my cell phone occasionally and no matter how many times I press 2, I still get them.


Hate to burst your bubble, love.

-Samantha


P.S. This letter makes me feel like I'm talking to myself... which makes me feels a little crazy... :huh:


----------



## SamanthaNY (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear Samantha; 

Yeah, I know - but I'm litigious when pissed off, and I have lotsa free time . 

Btw, so proud of you, Nurse! You bring honor to our name, lol. 

Admiringly, 

Samantha. 

P.S. I know - it's kinda cool in a MPD kinda way.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear Samantha,

Penis

Love,

FLW


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear Samantha-

Yay for crazies! LOL

And thanks- I'll try to do our name good 

-Samantha


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear Self,


You really don't have to automatically try to rep people for the word penis. 
You don't have to get all giggly every time you see the word penis.
You are wrong for getting more excited over the word penis than an actual penis. 
You should stop acting so strange.....it's just a word and not a penis....
You can contain yourself even though it's been a while since you have seen the real thing....BUT THAT WAS YOUR EFFING CHOICE...SO LIVE WITH IT!
You really need to work harder on getting some real live penis so that word will stop holding you in it's power. 

Desperately serious,

Moi


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Jan 28, 2009)

Famouslastwords said:


> Dear Samantha,
> 
> Penis
> 
> ...





Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Self,
> 
> 
> You really don't have to automatically try to rep people for the word penis.
> ...



You know GEF, as soon as I saw the word "penis", I thought of you. You have trained me well. Well, me and probably 81% of Dims.:bow:


----------



## SMA413 (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear GEF-

IPENISwasPENISgonnaPENISrepPENISyouPENISwithPENISyourPENISfavoritePENISword...

PENISbutPENISIPENISdidn'tPENISwantPENIStoPENISencouragePENISyourPENIShighlyPENISimmaturePENISbehavior.


- Me


PENIS
:blush:


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear DumbAssBunny,

This is truly a proud moment for me.....my eyes are moist.  

GEF


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 28, 2009)

Samantha - if you've already opted out here: https://www.donotcall.gov/ and, at least 30 days later, are still getting those "telemarketing" calls - those are not telemarketers, those are SCAMMERS. Legitimate companies will not call once you've opted out. You should get all the info you can and notify the FTC when you get these scam calls. 

The particular one you're describing is common - it's the "Lower your interest rate" scam. Of course, the first thing you need to do for them to "help you lower your interest rate" is to give them your credit card number. 

Forgive me if you already know all of this - hopefully someone else can be helped by it instead, if that's the case.

If you've opted out using the Do Not Call registry, the only entities allowed to call you are political parties and non-profit orgs. ANYTHING else (unless it's a call from a company you already do business with, obviously) is a scam. We haven't gotten a legit telemarketing call here in years.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear GEF,

You should take a picture of your rep box right about now.

Love

FLW


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 28, 2009)

Oh, also, pressing 2, like clicking "opt out" links in spam e-mails, just verifies to them that it's a legitimate number with actual people that answer and gets you more scam calls. I hate scammers.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear Nice people that repped me:

Now I get to get all giggly and excited whenever I log in and look at my user CP for quite some time now. Life is good.......:wubu:

Thank you 



Always silly and still desperate,

GEF


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jan 28, 2009)

GEF - some of those might make good "favorite rep" thread posts.  hahahahah


----------



## mszwebs (Jan 28, 2009)

Dear Opter Outers,

If you're talking to a live person when requesting that your name be removed, I highly recommend that you don't just hang up after you make the request....especially if you're being called by a cable company.

Most cable company telemarketers have specific verbiage that they're required to read, and they're SUPPOSED to read it to dead air (even if you hang up) but if they're confused about your request (and I'll cover that in a minute) they may not correctly code the call.

While the agents at my company, for example, are trained to remove names with like, "Stop calling, don't call back" or even "Leave us alone," many companies will not remove your name unless you SPECIFICALLY request it, as in "Put me on your 'Do Not Call List' or 'Remove My Name'

Always identify yourself to the agent (if you just answer the phone with "I'm not interested" and hang up, they WILL call you back) and when you want to be removed, be specific and stay on the line. If they DON'T read verbiage to you (which some may not), you can always ask why/ and or ask to have a copy of their DNC policy mailed to your home.

Remember, they record and monitor their calls. If you have any inkling about who/what they were calling for, it's not *that* hard to track them down and file a complaint.

<3,

Your Telemarketing Quality Assurance Assistant at Large


----------



## Fluffy51888 (Jan 29, 2009)

Dear Skinny Girl Who Always Sits In The Biggest Desk In My Government Class,

Stop it.

~Lauren~


----------



## gypsy (Jan 29, 2009)

Dear Dumbass,

NO. NO NO NO! WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING GET IT ALREADY??? ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE ME MENTAL???

Signed,

Yer Seriously Pissin Me Off.

PS, I have included the next 6 months' "NO!"s at the bottom. Please feel free to use them as liberally as you like, since there are lots more where they came from, and it will never change.


























_NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! _


----------



## vardon_grip (Jan 29, 2009)

Fluffy51888 said:


> Dear Skinny Girl Who Always Sits In The Biggest Desk In My Government Class,
> 
> Stop it.
> 
> ~Lauren~



My suggestion would be to get to Gov. class before skinny girl and claim the big desk. Just as the class ends stand up and call out,

"SAME SEATS...INFINITY!"

From that day forward, the seat is yours because you declared "same seats".
It works on the school bus, it'll work in class. You can also use it in everyday life.


----------



## Fluffy51888 (Jan 30, 2009)

vardon_grip said:


> My suggestion would be to get to Gov. class before skinny girl and claim the big desk. Just as the class ends stand up and call out,
> 
> "SAME SEATS...INFINITY!"
> 
> ...



Haha. Sounds like a brilliant idea! I usually try to get there before her, but it never works! She's there before the other class even lets out, usually. I swear, it's like she camps out in front of the door, thinking, "Hmm. I'd better get that big desk before that fat girl snatches it!!!" Ugh.


----------



## CleverBomb (Jan 30, 2009)

gypsy said:


> Dear Dumbass,
> 
> NO. NO NO NO! WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING GET IT ALREADY??? ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE ME MENTAL???
> 
> ...


"How about, 'no' -- does 'no' work for you?"

-Rusty


----------



## largenlovely (Jan 30, 2009)

LOL too funny 

The last year i went to school i was way too big for the desks. I requested that a table and chair be placed in each of my classes and the school accommodated that. If she tried to take THAT chair you could tell her to get her skinny ass up lol. So there's another option.



Fluffy51888 said:


> Haha. Sounds like a brilliant idea! I usually try to get there before her, but it never works! She's there before the other class even lets out, usually. I swear, it's like she camps out in front of the door, thinking, "Hmm. I'd better get that big desk before that fat girl snatches it!!!" Ugh.


----------



## URTalking2Jenn (Jan 30, 2009)

Fluffy51888 said:


> Haha. Sounds like a brilliant idea! I usually try to get there before her, but it never works! She's there before the other class even lets out, usually. I swear, it's like she camps out in front of the door, thinking, "Hmm. I'd better get that big desk before that fat girl snatches it!!!" Ugh.



I hate people like this.... I know that for the most part they, the skiny people, don't know what they are doing, but I know that there are those few that are just evil. 

I try to show up 15 min early when I can to my classes, so I can get a desk that I can fit in.


----------



## mossystate (Jan 30, 2009)

_______,


Don't stab me!!! Please!!! I will tell you where I keep the fine china and silver and my collection of Franklin Mint Disney Commemorative Shot Glasses. GULP!!! 


Skeeeered,

Mossysttttttaaaaaattttee


----------



## Paquito (Jan 31, 2009)

Dear Liam Neeson - 

Thank you for bringing a whole new dimension to the "neck chop of death" in _Taken_. I guess that body guards will think twice before leaving their necks out in the open.

Still reeling


----------



## Lovelyone (Jan 31, 2009)

To the woman on another bbw forum who used the phrase "slovenly, gluttonous, sloth-like individuals that have no self-esteem self-respect or control." as a way to describe anyone bigger than she is---

Are you really a man? I want to know, cos it takes BIG BRASS BALLS to make a comment like that on a bbw forum. Wow--not only are you arrogant, ignorant, and audacious...but you also lack class, and distinction. Sister, you are on the WRONG forums for typing hater phrases. 
Btw, YOU SUCK.

Thank you.....for wasting my time.
Terri the glutton.

I'd love to meet you in a dark corner and show you how slovenly I can look with your face on my boots.


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 1, 2009)

Dear Jared-

I'm really not digging the attention roller coaster. Can I get off this ride?

- Samantha


----------



## mimosa (Feb 3, 2009)

Dear Francesso,

I realize that the problems you have.....are problems you have with yourself. That is the only reason you are single. I wish you could see what I see. I see someone handsome, kind, shy, sweet, lovable, funny, adorable. I am going to miss you so much. Thank you for the beautiful moments you gave me. You are a very special person. My best to you. I hope no matter where you are....you will find the happiness you deserve....most of all...I hope you learn to love yourself. 

Love always,

Noemi


----------



## Lovelyone (Feb 3, 2009)

Dear FBWIRWMT

If you dont like it, dont read it. 

Have a JOYOUS and VERY HAPPY day.

Terri


----------



## MisticalMisty (Feb 3, 2009)

Dear Heart,

Yep, I'm fairly certain that was a big fuck you. I'm sorry. I will promise to guard you more next time.

Me


----------



## kayrae (Feb 3, 2009)

Aww, honey... Big hugs to you. My heart has been feeling pretty down recently, so I commiserate 100%. 



MisticalMisty said:


> Dear Heart,
> 
> Yep, I'm fairly certain that was a big fuck you. I'm sorry. I will promise to guard you more next time.
> 
> Me


----------



## sweet&fat (Feb 4, 2009)

Motherfucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## mszwebs (Feb 4, 2009)

Dear Person - 

I'm sorry, but I can't rep you. Your box is full, so I can't PM you. How very frustrating.

I just wanted you to know that you made me laugh (complete with follow up, body shaking giggle aftershock) for 2 or 3 minutes with a 1 sentence post. I'm not even sure why. Well, beside the fact that it was funny. 

Anyway.

 

Thank you.


----------



## kayrae (Feb 4, 2009)

well, can you link me to the post so I can giggleshock too?


----------



## mszwebs (Feb 4, 2009)

kayrae said:


> well, can you link me to the post so I can giggleshock too?



lol no, because if I did that, then a) I would be all embarrassed about it if you didn't think it was funny and b) Person would know I was talking about...them.

And so would everyone else :blush:


----------



## kayrae (Feb 4, 2009)

Darn it


----------



## ladle (Feb 4, 2009)

sweet&fat said:


> Motherfucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



OMG...who would have thought such a sweet face was capable of such an outburst....
I'm reeling!


----------



## sweet&fat (Feb 4, 2009)

ladle said:


> OMG...who would have thought such a sweet face was capable of such an outburst....
> I'm reeling!



I'm full of surprises.  It was heartfelt at the time.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 4, 2009)

kayrae said:


> Darn it



Just send a bunch of random PMs to everyone to see who's box is full...that should narrow it down at least


----------



## Famouslastwords (Feb 4, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Just send a bunch of random PMs to everyone to see who's box is full...that should narrow it down at least




But my PM box was full yesterday and it's not full now!

Dear Greenie, 
wanna fill my "PM" box full of your "messages"?
Love,
FLW


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 4, 2009)

post pix o ur box plz kthx


Oh and I was really hoping to find out who had the biggest box.......


----------



## Cupcake343 (Feb 6, 2009)

Dear Skinny People,
Please stop acting like I don't know I'm fat. When I'm talking about myself and say "Fatty needs breakfast" I'm not complaining... or berating myself.... I'm stating a fact... I'm a fatty... and I need breakfast. 

Kthx.

Meredith


----------



## olwen (Feb 7, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Famouslastwords said:
> 
> 
> > But my PM box was full yesterday and it's not full now!
> ...



My box is quite empty at the moment. Good thing I've got some fun stuff to fill it. :happy:


----------



## mulrooney13 (Feb 7, 2009)

Dear person in front of me in the McDonald's drive-thru tonight,

You ordered Sprite with all of your meals. The employee informed you that the store was out of Sprite, Powerade, and Fruitopia. You proceeded to order a Powerade. The now slightly annoyed employee again informed you that they were out of Powerade...

...you then, once again, requested a Sprite, as if you didn't believe his previous explanation as to why that was not currently feasible.

Please fix whatever it is that's wrong with you.

Sincerely,
Nathan


----------



## Cors (Feb 7, 2009)

Dear Dress,

Please get through the evil UK customs and get to me by Valentine's Day! I don't to pay more, or wait longer than I already have! 

Cors


----------



## Rowan (Feb 8, 2009)

Dear self....

why do you fuck up everything? Seriously...you have a chance at being treated well...ya fuck it up. Typical you....so seriously..what gives?

-tired of self


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 8, 2009)

people = disappointing


the end.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 8, 2009)

olwen said:


> My box is quite empty at the moment. Good thing I've got some fun stuff to fill it. :happy:



Yeah, I have spent months looking for the appropriate fun stuff to fill mine with, too........ 

Now I'm jealous


----------



## steely (Feb 8, 2009)

Doc,
If I have to listen to anything else you tell me to do I'm going to strangle you with the stethescope.C'mon tell me for real,you have no idea what you're doing.Everything you tell me to do puts me in worse shape than I was before.

Now since you doubled the dose on my script,I've lost my long vision.But hey,my blood pressure is 115/65.Too bad I can't see it or anything else.Arrrgghhh!!!!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 8, 2009)

steely said:


> Doc,
> If I have to listen to anything else you tell me to do I'm going to strangle you with the stethescope.C'mon tell me for real,you have no idea what you're doing.Everything you tell me to do puts me in worse shape than I was before.
> 
> Now since you doubled the dose on my script,I've lost my long vision.But hey,my blood pressure is 115/65.Too bad I can't see it or anything else.Arrrgghhh!!!!




My doctor had to spend about six weeks "experimenting" with BP meds for me back last spring. However, she took into account how I told her it made me feel. Tell your doctor you're not taking that medication anymore- simple enough. If he/she refuses to change it, change doctors. Your life, your body.


----------



## steely (Feb 8, 2009)

I will,GEF.He's not back in the office until Tuesday.I stopped taking it before I told him but stay in the office and I'm sure you'll get the message.This one is scaring me.I've only been off 5 days but show no improvement in symptoms.I'm afraid I've lost my sight for good.Somebody is gonna pay for this one.


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 8, 2009)

Dear chest cold,

You suck! Seriously.


Go away,
Melanie


----------



## mimosa (Feb 8, 2009)

Feel better.:kiss2:




CAMellie said:


> Dear chest cold,
> 
> You suck! Seriously.
> 
> ...


----------



## mimosa (Feb 8, 2009)

Dear Life...

When are you going to give me a break? Something sweet for me... A little joy...something to feel excited about? You just keep trying to bring me down. 


Mimi


----------



## tattooU (Feb 9, 2009)

Cupcake343 said:


> Dear Skinny People,
> Please stop acting like I don't know I'm fat. When I'm talking about myself and say "Fatty needs breakfast" I'm not complaining... or berating myself.... I'm stating a fact... I'm a fatty... and I need breakfast.
> 
> Kthx.
> ...



Can i use this letter too? Or maybe i'll make my own...

Dear Skinny Friends,

When i joke that "this" didn't get this way by eating slow it's okay to laugh. It was funny. Don't look at me wide eyed as if i just pointed out the elephant in the room. i'm a fattie, i know this, i accept it. You should too.

Thank you,
~d


----------



## Cors (Feb 9, 2009)

Dear Cupcake and TattooU, 

It is great that you are comfortable with your size. I wish my fat friends are this way. They constantly make passive-aggressive, self-deprecating remarks about their weight. If if one dares to laugh at their fat jokes or agree with their "my butt must looks huge in this" comments or even compliment their "curves", all hell breaks loose. 

Cors


----------



## Rowan (Feb 9, 2009)

Dear work,

dont give a promotion then take it away...really not cool..I have enough mental stress as it is..dont need that bs on top of the rest.

-disgruntled worker


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 9, 2009)

Dear lungs,

I'm sorry. I thought it was just a chest cold. I'll take better care of you from now on.

All my love,
Melanie

P.S. Sorry, chest cold, for bitching you out.


----------



## Mathias (Feb 9, 2009)

Dear Newspaper Course,

Getting a migraine once a week because of you isn't worth it. Bite me!

-Matt


----------



## mimosa (Feb 10, 2009)

Dear Susannah

I love you and miss you here on Dimensions. 


Broken hearted,

Mims


----------



## mimosa (Feb 10, 2009)

dear fair-skinned folks,

Why do you want to ruin your beautiful porcelain skin? Tanning is dangerous to your health. And..the fake orange tan is SUPER unflattering. I think its time you love and embrace the color of your skin. My son is also fair skinned. And he is beautiful just like you..:wubu:

Repectfully and with love,

Mimi


----------



## mulrooney13 (Feb 10, 2009)

Dear the previous post,

Indeed.

Nathan.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Feb 10, 2009)

mimosa said:


> dear fair-skinned folks,
> 
> Why do you want to ruin your beautiful porcelain skin? Tanning is dangerous to your health. And..the fake orange tan is SUPER unflattering. I think its time you love and embrace the color of your skin. My son is also fair skinned. And he is beautiful just like you..:wubu:
> 
> ...



Dear Mimi,

I'm fair skinned and I don't ruin my complexion with tanning! I burn anyway and I think I'm too fat for tanning beds even if I DID want to tan. Thanks for thinking we're beautiful!

FLW


----------



## KaliCurves (Feb 10, 2009)

To my childrens sperm donor,

Why do you say that our daughter is not affectionate? Is it because you are not your self and your projection your self image on her? You hurt her this morning more then you will ever know. I cant keep laying these stones that you just keep ripping up, for every 2 I lay you rip up 3, Im not going to do it any more jerk off! Im done trying to repair this relationship!!!

Maybe she isnt affectionate with you because your an asshole she has no problems with affection with anyone else. So why dont you just dissapper and leave us alone!


----------



## Sugar (Feb 10, 2009)

Dear You,

It's called a private life for a reason. It's not that I don't care about your trials but I don't care about your trials. Seriously, some stuff should be kept private. 

I hope in the future when you feel live vomiting whatever jacked up thing you're going thru/feeling you stop to ask yourself...is this share worthy? It's probably not, ftr.

Sincerely,

Uninterested party that is soooo tired of you.


----------



## Lovelyone (Feb 10, 2009)

Dear L~ 

You can't wait? *I* can't wait. The 21st is too, too far away. I haven't been so excited well over a year. I can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!! 



Dear Father Time~ Please read previous sentences, and see if you can hurry things along a bit, will you? 


Dear Me~Its okay to be happy. Its okay to take things one day at a time. Its okay to trust again. Its okay to let go of the old and say "Hellooooooooo" to the new. P.S. You know you want to, so do it.


----------



## Pixelpops (Feb 10, 2009)

Dear Decemberists. 

Please stop making me cry with your pretty songs. I feel stupid after :/
But please keep making the pretty songs. I don't know what I'd do without them.
And also, please come and live with me, I'll make you cookies. My housemates tell me they're awesome ^_^

xx


----------



## KaliCurves (Feb 10, 2009)

Coming to these boards and feeling like Im being attacked for venting, when its not always the case, and yet sometimes it is.....:huh:


----------



## mulrooney13 (Feb 11, 2009)

Dear Sprained Right Ankle,

Please refrain from being sprained. It's been eight months. You've had more than enough time to heal properly. I'm tired of bearing all the weight.

Sincerely,
Healthy Left Ankle


----------



## mszwebs (Feb 11, 2009)

Dear _____________.

This is a polite request to lose yourself in a forest, saving me the trouble of having to run you off myself, flanked by an angry mob, _Beauty and the Beast_ style.

You've said some pretty stupid stuff, and I have tried to be as benevolent as possible about your over-reacting, intelligence over-reaching blatherings, but it is getting to be too much. I can no longer just pet you on the hypothetical head, and ignore the fact that you really ARE this stupid. The things you say do not make sense to rational human beings. They are offensive, yet the moment we defend OUR stance, you get all up in arms.

No one cares anymore. Just stop talking. Before my last shred of patience is gone and I am forced to call you out in a manner that will not be this polite.

Oh, and on a completely unrelated side note, just because he didn't want into YOUR pants, doesn't mean that he's too busy trying to get in everyone else's, to fit you in too. Not wanting YOU, in place of someone else, doesn't make him a man whore... it just makes him SMART.

I can't even think of an appropriate way to sign this,

ME


----------



## kayrae (Feb 11, 2009)

dear mszwebs,

*hugs*

Sometimes people don't know how to take responsibility for their actions. It's all about blame, blame, blame. I hope your week becomes rosier. BTW, Advanced Happy Valentine's Day. :bow:

hearts and flowers, 
kayrae


----------



## mszwebs (Feb 11, 2009)

Dear Kayrae:

Thank you.

And Happy Early Valentines Day to you too 

<3,

MsZwebs


----------



## KHayes666 (Feb 12, 2009)

Dear Dr. Morgan,

Don't ever scare me like that again, I spent 2 weeks scared out of my mind thinking your diagnosis was correct, only to go back and find out I'm fine.

Yes, I'm greatful that I'm ok and that the original diagnosis was incorrect, but do you realize what 14 days of thinking you have something fatal can do to someone?


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Feb 12, 2009)

Dear #1 Son:

There is truth to that saying that every day is a gift. Not one goes by where you do not impress me with your intelligence, curiosity, empathy, compassion, love for family and friends, and your desire to please no matter what life throws at you. Not a day goes by where I don't feel I'm doing enough, but you never cease to let me know how much you love me and how my self-appraisal is too harsh.

I forget at times what it's like being a child in this screwed up world and how quickly many of those qualities I love about you get swallowed up in that process we call "growing up". I'm glad this old, cynical dog has a great teacher who takes the time to let me see through his eyes. I loves ya, boy. :bow:


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 12, 2009)

Dear "older" guys


LECHING on MUCH younger women. seriously gross

SERIOUSLY


(it makes me throw up a little in my mouth)


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 12, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Dr. Morgan,
> 
> Don't ever scare me like that again, I spent 2 weeks scared out of my mind thinking your diagnosis was correct, only to go back and find out I'm fine.
> 
> Yes, I'm greatful that I'm ok and that the original diagnosis was incorrect, but do you realize what 14 days of thinking you have something fatal can do to someone?



Glad you are okay, Kevin 



Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear #1 Son:
> 
> There is truth to that saying that every day is a gift. Not one goes by where you do not impress me with your intelligence, curiosity, empathy, compassion, love for family and friends, and your desire to please no matter what life throws at you. Not a day goes by where I don't feel I'm doing enough, but you never cease to let me know how much you love me and how my self-appraisal is too harsh.
> 
> I forget at times what it's like being a child in this screwed up world and how quickly many of those qualities I love about you get swallowed up in that process we call "growing up". I'm glad this old, cynical dog has a great teacher who takes the time to let me see through his eyes. I loves ya, boy. :bow:



Children make everything okay at the end of the day :bow:


----------



## Famouslastwords (Feb 12, 2009)

Dear Bitch,

Bring it.

Signed,

Me


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Feb 12, 2009)

Dear Joaquin Phoenix,

OMGLOLWTFBBQ?!

Signed,

Someone who doesn't know whether she should be laughing at your beyond-amazing acting skills or crying for you because you need rehab so bad. :huh:

(Dear anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about,

Search Youtube for Joaquin Phoenix's appearance on letterman last night. CBS keeps taking them down as quickly as they're posted, so there's no point in me linking it as it'll soon be gone. But you can usually find one. Look for one that's 10 minutes long - that's the whole thing. Don't look at the shorter versions first, as it will ruin some of the hilarity for you when you watch the whole thing.

Love,

Me).


----------



## Rowan (Feb 13, 2009)

aaahhrrghh..im tired of you..im ready to jab a stick in you...you!! argh


----------



## Tooz (Feb 13, 2009)

Dear Buffalo and Erie County as a whole:

Do what you do best-- show your love and support for the families of the victims.

Love, Tooz


----------



## SamanthaNY (Feb 13, 2009)

Dear parents-of-this-boy-and-his-15-y.o.-girlfriend:

How? Why? What the hell! What now?! 










In bewilderment, 

Sam.


----------



## Wagimawr (Feb 13, 2009)

Well, see, when an idiot and a younger idiot get together and fall in love...


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Feb 13, 2009)

This is indeed a disturbing universe...


----------



## kayrae (Feb 13, 2009)

I am shocked and amazed and appalled, but not speechless. Oh nononononono... I have much to say. what the hey?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 13, 2009)

That kid doesn't look to be 13..........


and definitely not the kind of 13 that gets girls pregnant.......


He can father a child....when he looks like he is ten years old?  :blink:


----------



## KHayes666 (Feb 15, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear parents-of-this-boy-and-his-15-y.o.-girlfriend:
> 
> How? Why? What the hell! What now?!
> 
> ...




If that kid's 13.....I'm 35.

No way in hell that boy is a teenager, I don't believe it.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Feb 15, 2009)

Poor babies (all three of them)...that's heart breaking. They look so sad. Its a damn shame our children can't be innocent in this world any more.


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 16, 2009)

Total randomness. 


I really wish people would stop and think before they open their mouths or type stuff out on a screen. Seriously, save some stuff for yourself. Not everyone wants to hear everything that's going on in your head. Be a bit more selective. Or better yet, think about other people for a change and how what you say might affect them. 

It really is ok not to give it ALL AWAY ALL THE TIME.


----------



## mulrooney13 (Feb 16, 2009)

Dear Letters to People and Things Thread,

What happened? You used to be so enjoyable. You were a source of enjoyment for the many sarcastic letters that people would write to other people...and things. 

Now you have become someone different. I hardly know you anymore. All we ever talk about anymore are various controversial births. 

This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let us not bicker and argue over who killed who.

Nathan


----------



## KHayes666 (Feb 16, 2009)

Dear WWE,

How can you have a 45 minute documentary on Starrcade and not mention Starrcade 97....the most successful one of all time.....is it so hard to admit that this show was BETTER than what WWE was doing at the time?

Grumpy old fan,

Hayes


----------



## SamanthaNY (Feb 17, 2009)

Dear vehicles: 

I know you're all old, but thank you for only breaking down in the most convenient of ways. Seriously, you three have been stellar that way. Truck, thank you for having a dead battery AT the mechanics. Okay, it wasn't so nice that you did it at 9pm and while it was 7°, but still... I'm grateful. Especially since you're a giant truck and pretty much only the space shuttle can jump you. And Pretty Car, thank you for breaking at home, instead of stranding us somewhere. You're not a spring chicken, so it's understandable when you need a little "attention". Don't worry, I'll take care of you since you've done the same for me for so many years. And Practical Car, you're just the reliable workhorse we knew you'd be. 

Love you all, 
Me. 
- - -
Dear AAA: 

You ROCK. You came right to my house within the hour and towed my loverly car to be fixed. EVERYONE who isn't married to a mechanic should have you. You're ridiculously inexpensive, and yet your service is fantastic. And honestly, the paltry amount you want for membership is worth the peace of mind alone. 

Happily, 
Sam. 
- - -
Dear Valentine's Day: 

:blink: What..... the fuck??? I talked you up... I was excited... I got all gussied up and had all sorts of frippery... and you do that shit? I *never* treated you badly, even when I celebrated you alone. I've *always* defended you to everyone who said they hated you. And this is what you do to me? Unless you give me a do-over, you can count me among your enemies, VD. Screw you, and not in a good way. 

Choke on a candy heart, won't you?

Sam.


----------



## Blackjack (Feb 17, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear AAA:
> 
> You ROCK. You came right to my house within the hour and towed my loverly car to be fixed. EVERYONE who isn't married to a mechanic should have you. You're ridiculously inexpensive, and yet your service is fantastic. And honestly, the paltry amount you want for membership is worth the peace of mind alone.
> 
> ...



I just wanna say that this is very YMMV. I've never had an encounter with AAA where it took less then two hours for them to arrive. The service was otherwise fantastic, the workers who helped out were great and friendly and worked quick, it just took them for-freakin'-_ever_ to get there.


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 17, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear AAA:
> 
> You ROCK. You came right to my house within the hour and towed my loverly car to be fixed. EVERYONE who isn't married to a mechanic should have you. You're ridiculously inexpensive, and yet your service is fantastic. And honestly, the paltry amount you want for membership is worth the peace of mind alone.
> 
> ...



I totally love AAA too- even though I'm not a member. I was out with my friend one day and I locked my keys in my car... with the engine running. :doh: Luckily, my friend is smarter than me and had AAA. They were there super fast... and now I sound like a cheesy commercial.



SamanthaNY said:


> Dear Valentine's Day:
> 
> :blink: What..... the fuck??? I talked you up... I was excited... I got all gussied up and had all sorts of frippery... and you do that shit? I *never* treated you badly, even when I celebrated you alone. I've *always* defended you to everyone who said they hated you. And this is what you do to me? Unless you give me a do-over, you can count me among your enemies, VD. Screw you, and not in a good way.
> 
> ...



Dear Sam-
What the fuck is "frippery"? I must know STAT. lol
-Sam

P.S.
V.D. = venereal disease/Valentine's Day... coincidence? I think not.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Feb 17, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> I just wanna say that this is very YMMV. I've never had an encounter with AAA where it took less then two hours for them to arrive. The service was otherwise fantastic, the workers who helped out were great and friendly and worked quick, it just took them for-freakin'-_ever_ to get there.


I'm sure location has a lot to do with it, but... as an old fat woman who's usually alone, it's invaluable to have professional help a phone call away, even if there is a wait involved. I think AAA should be a must-have to any woman (especially those with small kids) who might ever have to deal with car stuff by themselves. 


SMA413 said:


> Dear Sam-
> What the fuck is "frippery"? I must know STAT. lol
> -Sam


Baubles.. decorative holiday-like stuff
frip&#8901;per&#8901;y
&#8194; &#8194;/&#712;fr&#618;p&#601;ri/ [frip-uh-ree] 
noun, plural -per&#8901;ies.
1. finery in dress, esp. when showy, gaudy, or the like.
2. empty display; ostentation.
3. gewgaws; trifles.

Gewgaws. Another good word. 



SMA413 said:


> P.S.
> V.D. = venereal disease/Valentine's Day... coincidence? I think not.


A-frickin'-men, Sister.


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 17, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Baubles.. decorative holiday-like stuff
> frip&#8901;per&#8901;y
> &#8194; &#8194;/&#712;fr&#618;p&#601;ri/ [frip-uh-ree]
> noun, plural -per&#8901;ies.
> ...



I feel thoroughly informed now. LOL. Now I just need to find an opportunity to drop it in conversation...


----------



## Paquito (Feb 17, 2009)

SMA413 said:


> I feel thoroughly informed now. LOL. Now I just need to find an opportunity to drop it in conversation...



Those are some lovely gewgaws you've got there :smitten:


----------



## SamanthaNY (Feb 17, 2009)

Hey Idiot: 

Normally it would be okay to set your bag full of valentine chocolate by the door in the kitchen. 

On the kitchen floor. 

The HEATED kitchen floor. 

Signed, 

Your now melted chocolate, you doofus.


----------



## mszwebs (Feb 18, 2009)

Dear______,

I am not too nice. I am, however unable to rep you back, so I have to proclaim my non-niceness in this public forum lol.

I am mean and you betta recconize. 

But only when I have to be.  lol

Not too nice. Just fucking honest lol.

~ Me


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 18, 2009)

You? Shut it. 



You? Get a job and get off the computer.


----------



## Wild Zero (Feb 18, 2009)

Dear Netflix,

I truly despise those gameshow radio ads you have, they're pointless and irritating as all hell. Your service is pretty rad and I do love to watch movies, but hearing that tool asking questions about woodchucks and African swallows is enough to put me off you forever.


----------



## QueenB (Feb 18, 2009)

dear teacher,

i'm sorry that i'm sick and this is my third absence. i swear i don't just ditch your class... the first absence i was stuck in southern california, and the second absence was because i was so dizzy and trying hard not to vomit from not eating, that i left school last minute. 

i'll bring a doctor's note. just please don't lower my grade. ;___;

- p


----------



## mulrooney13 (Feb 18, 2009)

Dear Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,

Thanks for all the good times.

Nathan.


----------



## Tania (Feb 19, 2009)

Dear S,

Why did you step in my puddle if you didn't want to get your boots muddy?

Hurt,

T


----------



## mossystate (Feb 19, 2009)

Dear you,

He is just not that into you. Neither is that guy...or that guy....or that one over there. Stop with the obvious puppy dog antics. It's kind of embarrassing to witness. Get over it. Your chip is showing.


Much love and stuff, 

Monique


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 19, 2009)

Dear So n So

Look i know you're new and excited to meet all the fat ladies but i tried to tell ya that i'm just not up to chatting lately except for on a social level on the boards. You just didn't seem to understand that, even though i was very forthright. My reasons for this are nothing personal against you at all, but i have been starting to become very annoyed with you specifically because of all the emails. Please stop before i have to be rude because i really would like to avoid that if at all possible. 

Overly Aggressive = Creepy and Unattractive

Signed,

One of the fat ladies


----------



## Lovelyone (Feb 19, 2009)

Dear KaliCurves~
Seriously...the haters can go f*ck themselves. If they have issue with what you write...its quite simple and easy for them to put you on ignore. Some people just like the drama. Keep your head up, type what you want, and don't let the assholes bring you down. I, myself enjoy reading your posts! 

Terri


----------



## snuggletiger (Feb 19, 2009)

Dear Greedy Banker sucking all the bailout money,

Yes I know you want a big chunk of cash for the house. But the economy is very stinky, so go ahead and gimme big ginormous house for cheap money.
Thanks,
Signed 
Your pal Christopher the first time homebuyer.


----------



## Lovelyone (Feb 19, 2009)

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Greedy Banker sucking all the bailout money,
> 
> Yes I know you want a big chunk of cash for the house. But the economy is very stinky, so go ahead and gimme big ginormous house for cheap money.
> Thanks,
> ...



Dear Christopher first time home buyer
I hope that you get your GINORMOUS (I love typing that word for some reason) house for a low mortgage. That is a fantastic feeling. Good luck
Terri


----------



## snuggletiger (Feb 19, 2009)

I figure a 4br/3bath house with a 3car garage, on an 8800 sq foot lot with a patio and 2330 sq feet of living space for 144,900 is ginormous. Not sure how that compares with the rest of the country.
PS Obama, Schumer, Reid et al. I would have liked you all to have kept the 15k house credit but i'll take the 8.
thanks


----------



## Weeze (Feb 20, 2009)

Dear Roommate,
Please stop making our room smell bad.
Love, Krissy.

Dear Mother,
GTFO.
-Kristen.

Dear Friend, 
Please stop getting so wasted that you can't come to class the next morning. you're missing a lot, and I can't help worrying about you.
-Krissy

Dear other friend, 
Thanks for growing up and becoming someone I can actually tolerate again. It was rocky, but I'm pretty excited to be spending time with you again.
-Krissy

Dear... You.
When are you going to take a hint? I'm WAITING dammit.
Please, just give me a hint... Am I wasting my time? 
Krissy

Dear Every ex Girlfriend I've ever had.
Stop talking to me. There's a reason we broke up. I don't know why I date psycho women.
...............


----------



## snuggletiger (Feb 20, 2009)

Dear Greedy Bank
Thanks for letting me buy the big giant house for cheap FHA money.
Your pal,
snuggletiger a happy first time home buyer


----------



## mimosa (Feb 20, 2009)

Dear snuggletiger,

Congrats. You inspire me to start again. I am very happy for you! 
Many more blessings to you.

Hugs,

Mimosa:bow:





snuggletiger said:


> Dear Greedy Bank
> Thanks for letting me buy the big giant house for cheap FHA money.
> Your pal,
> snuggletiger a happy first time home buyer


----------



## The Fez (Feb 20, 2009)

Dear Rick Astley,

We did a cover of Never Gonna Give You Up at the battle of the bands on wednesday. I'm fairly sure that's what won it for us, so cheers for that.

- Fez


----------



## kayrae (Feb 20, 2009)

Dear Fez, 

Did you videotape it? Youtube link, if that's the case


----------



## The Fez (Feb 20, 2009)

Dear kayrae,

no such evidence is in existence, which is lucky for me considering I was singing while playing bass


----------



## Suze (Feb 20, 2009)

Freestyle Fez said:


> Dear Rick Astley,
> 
> We did a cover of Never Gonna Give You Up at the battle of the bands on wednesday. I'm fairly sure that's what won it for us, so cheers for that.
> 
> - Fez


just sayin' (um posting)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=GB&hl=en-GB&v=Jwj0gLriTnk


----------



## SamanthaNY (Feb 20, 2009)

susieQ said:


> just sayin' (um posting)
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=GB&hl=en-GB&v=Jwj0gLriTnk



*shudder* 

Dood, that freaks me out.


----------



## Weeze (Feb 20, 2009)

Dear creepy guy who won't stop messaging me even though I don't respond,

Well, you did it. You got me to respond. And I burned your ass. It made me smile. Everything I just told you is a lie. GTFO. THX.


----------



## Suze (Feb 21, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> *shudder*
> 
> Dood, that freaks me out.


i feel kinda bad, but the vid' info made me lol:


_
Enjoy your AIDS and nightmares.

To celebrate 100k: downloadable AIDS and nightmares. FREE MP3! Left-click, press "free" button, wait, put in annoying confirmation code, and SAVE!
http://rapidshare.com/files/88692952/...
_


----------



## Adamantoise (Feb 21, 2009)

Dear MP3 player,

No seriously-where the hell are you? Please respond.

Tom.


----------



## Zandoz (Feb 21, 2009)

snuggletiger said:


> Dear Greedy Bank
> Thanks for letting me buy the big giant house for cheap FHA money.
> Your pal,
> snuggletiger a happy first time home buyer



Congrats! Though not a first time buyer, I know how frustrating home search is....we're still mired in the journey out of necessity.


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 21, 2009)

lol what is it with that? I don't know why guys don't get that this is creepy 



krismiss said:


> Dear creepy guy who won't stop messaging me even though I don't respond,
> 
> Well, you did it. You got me to respond. And I burned your ass. It made me smile. Everything I just told you is a lie. GTFO. THX.


----------



## KHayes666 (Feb 21, 2009)

Dear drivers,

Why must you beep your damn horn a split second after the light turns green. 

Also after you beep your horn, when the driver in front of you honks his/her horn 3 times and turns around and gives you the finger, why must you look scared? 

Either be more patient or learn to deal with the reaction of the driver in front of you.


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 21, 2009)

crazy mofo's should only date other crazy mofo's
that way they cancel each other out and aren't in the main dating pool


seriously


----------



## Shosh (Feb 21, 2009)

Dear Simon and Lucy,

I cannot stop smiling since I found out that you are expecting your second baby. I hope I wasn't nagging you too much to have another.
You have made me very happy, and I cannot wait to see our next small member of the family.
Roll on August!

Susannah


----------



## Weeze (Feb 21, 2009)

Surlysomething said:


> crazy mofo's should only date other crazy mofo's
> that way they cancel each other out and aren't in the main dating pool
> 
> 
> seriously




they do. 
that's why Springer and Maury have jobs.


----------



## Mathias (Feb 22, 2009)

Dear Mom,

I'd really appreciate it if when I called you, don't just pick up the phone to only say that you'll call me back and hang up. It's very annoying. Just let it go into voicemail, please?


----------



## That1BigGirl (Feb 22, 2009)

Dear girl who cashed in some change-

I do not want to know where you got this change. I want to thank you though, because I just added the 2- 1 ounce silver dollars, the Peace Dollar and the 4 silver quarters to my collections. 

Thanks!


----------



## Haunted (Feb 22, 2009)

MattS19 said:


> Dear Mom,
> 
> I'd really appreciate it if when I called you, don't just pick up the phone to only say that you'll call me back and hang up. It's very annoying. Just let it go into voicemail, please?



I hate when people do this happened to me Friday (on of my Sales Reps) and when i called back to get to voicemail he answered again all annoyed "I told you I'd call Back" I told him i was trying to leave a voicemail so quit answering (honestly I didn't want to talk to him but i was obligated through work to update him on an install)


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 22, 2009)

Haunted said:


> I hate when people do this happened to me Friday (on of my Sales Reps) and when i called back to get to voicemail he answered again all annoyed "I told you I'd call Back" I told him i was trying to leave a voicemail so quit answering (honestly I didn't want to talk to him but i was obligated through work to update him on an install)



I make well over 100 reminder/confirmation calls a day for dental appointments at the clinic where I work. People get annoyed with me for calling to remind them of an appointment....after I called them once a week before and ASKED if they want me to call them back. Or sometimes I see where it's marked that two messages have been left already.....and they act is if this is the first time they heard of the appointment the day before. Holy cow......:doh:

I had one woman tell me to get the hell of her phone cause I called the wrong number (the number that was given as a contact number, btw) and another threatened to get a warrant on me if I didn't get their records ready to transfer to another DDS when I simply called to confirm an appt. 

Know what trips me out the most though? When they leave these sweet messages, saying how very important your call is and how they promise to call you back as soon as possible, have a blessed day, blah blah blah....and then it says "This voice mailbox is full". How many unanswered messaged does it take a to fill up a voice mailbox? A lot..........


----------



## MisticalMisty (Feb 22, 2009)

Dear J,

I really, really miss you.

Bg


----------



## mulrooney13 (Feb 22, 2009)

Dear FX Network,

Is it necessary for you to make the movies that you show so audibly soft that I have to jack up my TV volume to unprecedented levels just to hear what the characters are saying? When I do this and it goes to commercial, I must then contend with Nutri-System celebrities and E-surance cartoon characters shouting at me and forcing me to mute or turn down the volume immediately. Please solve this.

Nathan.


----------



## Blackjack (Feb 22, 2009)

Dear Will Smith,

Thank you so much for the hearty laugh I had at "Boom. Goes the dynamite."

Sincerely,
One of hte ones who got the hilarious reference


----------



## GWARrior (Feb 22, 2009)

Dear Heath Ledger,

Congratualtions! 

G.


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 23, 2009)

Dear Boxcar Willie who lives upstairs


I don't care if it's Hobo potluck day, shut the fuck UP!


Thanks
Your downstairs neighbor that doesn't care for transient holidays


----------



## TraciJo67 (Feb 23, 2009)

Surlysomething said:


> Dear Boxcar Willie who lives upstairs
> 
> 
> I don't care if it's Hobo potluck day, shut the fuck UP!
> ...



Dear Surly,
Isn't every day a transient holiday?


----------



## Spanky (Feb 23, 2009)

Dear "B" Hill*,

How dare you present yourself at 45 kilometers. All steep and shit, kicking tired asses and taking names. 

But thanks for placing the nice BBWs on the hill in dresses and stuffed bras cheering us on up the hill. I am sorry I was too tired to stop and get "pinned". Maybe next year. <wink>

Lub, Spankied.



*Bitch Hill (and it is called that for a reason)


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 23, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Surly,
> Isn't every day a transient holiday?



I know, I know....I should have said 'special' holiday


----------



## snuggletiger (Feb 23, 2009)

Dear Greedy Bank,
Thanks for your seller who suddenly remembers "other offers on the house" at the last minute. Got to love your classic chizly style shinizzle you trying to foist on me. In laymans terms i love how ya trying to do the car dealers "Man in the back routine". However FYI it might make me counter with a lower deal then the cheap money deal from last week.
Your quasi pal and unsatisfied/unwarmed & Defuzzed friend
Snuggletiger


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 23, 2009)

super tired of being just words on a screen
:blink:


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 23, 2009)

Dear favorite distraction-

I'm pretty sure this is THE world's longest "BRB" known to man...


- wonton... or is it dim sum?


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Feb 23, 2009)

Dearest brother of mine:

Please join my fantasy baseball league? And the two others you're invited to? It wouldn't be mine without you, and the other leagues are all keeper leagues that I'm also in. I understand you hate checking your e-mail, but you said you'd join, and I'm still waiting.

Your nerdy brother


----------



## mimosa (Feb 24, 2009)

Dear D---

Yes, last year I liked you alot. But then you started dating someone else. I am glad you did. I think she is the perfect fit for you. She is really gorgeous........So why in the hell are you looking for me? I do NOT have any romantic feelings for you anymore. So there is nothing left for me to give. You need to get your act together. Behave yourself!


Respectfully,

Mimi:bow:


----------



## KHayes666 (Feb 24, 2009)

Dear self,

grow up


----------



## Rowan (Feb 24, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> lol what is it with that? I don't know why guys don't get that this is creepy



Retardation...that's all I can figure about it. I have a few guys who I have never said a single word to and they still message me, and they have been doing it for FIVE YEARS. So...like i said...retardation.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Feb 24, 2009)

Dear C,

You've got to be kidding me! You're mad at me for not messaging you for half a week? That's ridiculous. Like I said: *we don't have to talk everyday to be friends.* It's not like you sent me a message and I never responded either... and I had perfectly valid excuses. I just feel that I shouldn't have to explain them to you because you shouldn't be mad to begin with. FYI I was up ALL NIGHT one night because I couldn't get to sleep and I had to be somewhere early the next day. I ran errands the whole day, on no sleep, and went home and crashed. I didn't get mad when you said you'd call me and fell asleep didn't I? And you actually said you would call me, I didn't say that I would message you tomorrow or anything...I said I'll talk to you soon or whenever. Again, I shouldn't have to explain myself to you because you shouldn't be mad to begin with. Just know that my desire to talk to you has gone way down because of this.

Peace,

R


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Feb 24, 2009)

Hey FLW - if this is a guy friend who wants to be more, in my experience, an attitude like that is a BIG RED FLAG of a controlling guy. When a guy acts like this towards me, I run...not walk...away. Just MHO.


----------



## mulrooney13 (Feb 24, 2009)

Dear International HOP,

Thanks for the free pancakes. They were delicious. See you next year!

Nathan.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 24, 2009)

Rowan said:


> Retardation...that's all I can figure about it. I have a few guys who I have never said a single word to and they still message me, and they have been doing it for FIVE YEARS. So...like i said...retardation.



I have a couple....but they message me once in a blue moon...and I have said MANY words to them such as: get lost, eff off, leave me alone....:blink:


----------



## kayrae (Feb 24, 2009)

Words on both a computer AND cell phone screen. I feel the same way. It's dumb. He's dumb. Or maybe I am, I'm not too sure. 



Surlysomething said:


> super tired of being just words on a screen
> :blink:


----------



## Weeze (Feb 25, 2009)

My dearest Homeslice,

Thanks for "getting it" when no one else does. You mean a lot to me, and i'm not sure what I would do if I didn't have you. I'm really starting to believe that you ARE there for me whenever I need, because, so far you have been. You ride my ups and downs with me, make me feel better about myself, make me laugh, tell me when i'm doing something stupid, keep me from continuing to do dumb things.
You really do take care of things. 

<3
Krissy.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Feb 25, 2009)

Dear 4:00am: 

wtf?

wide-awake-and-confused, 

me.


Dear nap:

see you soon, pal.

snugglingly, 

me.


----------



## KHayes666 (Feb 25, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear 4:00am:
> 
> wtf?
> 
> ...




That's me now.....just its 7 AM not 4 AM :doh:


----------



## Rowan (Feb 25, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I have a couple....but they message me once in a blue moon...and I have said MANY words to them such as: get lost, eff off, leave me alone....:blink:



Once with one of them I tried to be downright mean and he just kept on with "oh baby I love you...why you mad?" "i want marry fat you" lol


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 25, 2009)

Rowan said:


> Once with one of them I tried to be downright mean and he just kept on with "oh baby I love you...why you mad?" "i want marry fat you" lol



Put him on your ignore list.....that's what usually works best....unless he just amuses you. I let some keep coming around purely for the entertainment, to be honest


----------



## supersoup (Feb 25, 2009)

dear lower back,

some relief, please.

oy,
soupy


----------



## Weeze (Feb 25, 2009)

Dear Soup.

Would you like me to share my Aleve?

The bottle's in the drawer. Feel free.

-Krissy.


----------



## supersoup (Feb 25, 2009)

krismiss said:


> Dear Soup.
> 
> Would you like me to share my Aleve?
> 
> ...



thanks sweet cheeks.

:happy:

soupy


----------



## mszwebs (Feb 25, 2009)

Dear grammar hammers,

Is it: 

*...so the customer does not have to repeat themself.* 

OR 

*...so the customer does not have to repeat themselves.* 

Thanks!

<3,

Jess


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Feb 25, 2009)

Niether of those.  

Using "they" or any derivation thereof for a single person is never grammatically correct. The problem is that the English language just does not have a gender-neutral way to describe a single person. I always do everything I can to avoid a sentence construction where I face this sort of issue. But if I MUST - I pick a gender, usually female, just because that's how I roll. I'm sure you could say "...does not have to repeat him- or herself," but let's be honest, that's beyond awkward.  I'm sure some other grammarian will come along and completely disagree with me. This is a subject of much debate even among the most learned scholars. 

Edit for typos, and also to add: When I say "I pick a gender," what I mean is I would say "...so the customer does not have to repeat herself."


----------



## Surlysomething (Feb 25, 2009)

Dear players of the game

I highly doubt if you met me in person that you would try these kinds of games. Yeah, it's like that.

You know, just sayin'. :bow:


----------



## MisticalMisty (Feb 25, 2009)

Dear various Food Paradise's on Travel Channel,

I love you. Like..for serious reals and SOMEDAY I will take my eating vacation of America and your shows will be my guide to the best steaks, hamburgers and hot dogs.

You are my hero..and my belly hates you for denying it! lol

The hungry, hungry, fat girl


----------



## Tania (Feb 25, 2009)

Jess,

I'd use one of these:

...so the customers do not have to repeat themselves. 

...so the customer does not have to repeat herself.

...so the customer does not have to repeat himself. 

You can sometimes avoid the gender issue by pluralizing "customer." 

I would have probably used "need not" over "do not have to," but that's my word economy compulsion speaking.


----------



## mulrooney13 (Feb 25, 2009)

Dear My Wife,

I won't be comin' home. Gonna start a new life.

(Note: The above letter was typed by my secretary, Maria. A copy has been sent to my lawyer.)


----------



## That1BigGirl (Feb 26, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Dear My Wife,
> 
> I won't be comin' home. Gonna start a new life.
> 
> (Note: The above letter was typed by my secretary, Maria. A copy has been sent to my lawyer.)



Wow. Good luck with that.


----------



## That1BigGirl (Feb 26, 2009)

Dear lame boy-

The excuse you had for not going out with me last night... was lame. It was even MORE lame when I woke up this morning to find you had posted pictures on your myspace and facebook of the "Most awesome chick ever and I out last night." You are deleted from my friends- both "online" and for real. Don't text me and don't call me or I will drive to your house and punch you in the face. 

Thank you though, because I released a lot of angry energy by moving huge things in the basement.

Sincerely,

The fat chick you stood up but is WAY WAY more pretty than the creepy looking girl you took out instead.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Feb 26, 2009)

Dear Conrad: 

You might have noticed us talking it through a bit, and well, we finally came to the conclusion that we all need our own boards. 

Separately. One for each of us. 

So when you have a chance - you're not busy, are you? - please create 31,560 new boards. 

Thx much, 


All Of Us.

P.S. We each want separate board names, 'natch. All 31,560 of us. We'll be sending you emails about it, 'kay?

P.P.S. - Can mine please be made green? I like green.


----------



## CAMellie (Feb 26, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear Conrad:
> 
> You might have noticed us talking it through a bit, and well, we finally came to the conclusion that we all need our own boards.
> 
> ...




Purple for me...kthnx!


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 26, 2009)

Dear Alamo Heights-
While I am quite smitten with your cool shops and upscale-ishness, I am thoroughly unimpressed with the lack of gas stations. Did I seriously just drive the entire length of your little town-within-a-city and barely make it to the ONLY gas station for like 10 miles??
WTF?
-Me

Dearest little Yaris-
I love you and your gas economy forever and ever and ever. :wubu:
Did you seriously just give me 35 mpg on that last tank?
Love,
Samantha


----------



## grnvt (Feb 26, 2009)

MisticalMisty said:


> Dear various Food Paradise's on Travel Channel,
> 
> I love you. Like..for serious reals and SOMEDAY I will take my eating vacation of America and your shows will be my guide to the best steaks, hamburgers and hot dogs.
> 
> ...



That sounds like the ultimate most awesome vacation!!!


----------



## CleverBomb (Feb 26, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Dear My Wife,
> 
> I won't be comin' home. Gonna start a new life.
> 
> (Note: The above letter was typed by my secretary, Maria. A copy has been sent to my lawyer.)


Dear Elise;

oh elise it doesn't matter what you say
i just can't stay here every yesterday
like keep on acting out the same
the way we act out
every way to smile
forget
and make-believe we never needed
any more than this
any more than this
...

wait, I don't even _know_ anyone named Elise!


----------



## sugar and spice (Feb 26, 2009)

That1BigGirl said:


> Dear lame boy-
> 
> The excuse you had for not going out with me last night... was lame. It was even MORE lame when I woke up this morning to find you had posted pictures on your myspace and facebook of the "Most awesome chick ever and I out last night." You are deleted from my friends- both "online" and for real. Don't text me and don't call me or I will drive to your house and punch you in the face.
> 
> ...



Man what a dirtbag he turned out to be. I'm glad you found out now it sounds like you are much better off.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Feb 26, 2009)

That1BigGirl said:


> Dear lame boy-
> 
> The excuse you had for not going out with me last night... was lame. It was even MORE lame when I woke up this morning to find you had posted pictures on your myspace and facebook of the "Most awesome chick ever and I out last night." You are deleted from my friends- both "online" and for real. Don't text me and don't call me or I will drive to your house and punch you in the face.
> 
> ...



What a POS. A total POS.


----------



## CleverBomb (Feb 26, 2009)

That1BigGirl said:


> Dear lame boy-
> 
> The excuse you had for not going out with me last night... was lame. It was even MORE lame when I woke up this morning to find you had posted pictures on your myspace and facebook of the "Most awesome chick ever and I out last night." You are deleted from my friends- both "online" and for real. Don't text me and don't call me or I will drive to your house and punch you in the face.
> 
> ...


Don't sell yourself short!
You're much more than a non-creepy-looking face! 


Seriously, that sucks. On the other hand, as _sugar and spice_ pointed out, far better to find out now than later.

-Rusty


----------



## Donna (Feb 26, 2009)

Dear You,

When one states, "I'm moving on from that", or "water under the bridge" or "Let's not discuss it anymore", it is generally understood that means whatever subject one is referring to is going to no longer be discussed. Continually bringing said subject up, especially in a passive/aggressive manner, is frustrating and makes one appear disingenuous. 

In other words, QUIT FREAKING TELLING PEOPLE YOU ARE OVER IT, because your behavior clearly says you are not. Either get over it for real (which, yes, means letting it go and moving on, admitting that perhaps you aren't the center of the Universe,) or at least be adult enough to discuss it directly (and perhaps privately0 with those involved. 

Respectfully, 
Me (Who readily admits to being the center of MY Universe, but no one else's  )


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 26, 2009)

Famouslastwords said:


> What a POS. A total POS.



Yeah....and he doesn't even sound like a smart POS either......:doh:


----------



## That1BigGirl (Feb 27, 2009)

Dear GEF, CB, Famous, and Sugar & Spice,

Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate it. 


Dear Powers that be-

WTF is up with you today? So far I've managed blow nearly everything I've touched today up and not on purpose! The room heater, the oven and the air compressor (my slow leaking tire does not thank you for that). I ask that you don't let me blow up the following-
My computer
My car
The building

Please keep that in mind, because those are three lifelines to me. Thank you very much!


----------



## Amatrix (Feb 27, 2009)

Dear -
thanks the Gods and the Goddess we both found it/each other.

Seriously... yourobably be in a sexless marriage studying to become a lawyer, doing soul-sucking work to pay off my massive student loan debt, and never be able to do anything I wanted to ever again...
And Me:Getting beaten down and more insane then the heavens could ever for see, slowly fading as a human and as a spirit, used and abused and dumb for ever, a cracked plastic doll with lifeless eyes.

Thank the powers that be.Thank you for being strong. Thank you for walking away and even hurting people along the way. Thank you for you.

How much of our own issues did we create? All most all of them, we are so damned brave. We are super smart too.We are super sexy.

Through the torment and sadness it was all worth it.

Soul mates never die.
<3


*sorry for the mush!*


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 27, 2009)

Dear Animal Shelter Lady,

I'm sorry..i know i'm driving you bat shit crazy checking in with you everyday to see if the pups are weaned yet...but i reeeeeeeeally want one of those puppies. I keep checking because i know there are only 4 in the litter and a long list of people are hoping to get one so i'm scared i'll miss out on him. I want him so bad i've been dreaming about him. I really don't want or expect much right now with life in general, but please just let me have him and it will make my world less dreary <3

Signed,

lonely lady on the other end of the phone


----------



## snuggletiger (Feb 27, 2009)

Dear Great Whatever
Hope LnL gets the puppy she wants. Kinda bummed the Ed Dept lady hung up on me but nice to know the program Jewels_mystery_box told me about is legit. Would be nice if the bank could guarantee me getting the ginormous house on the cheap. PS Karma i would trade my parking space for all that stuff too
thx
your pal
snuggletiger


----------



## sugar and spice (Feb 27, 2009)

largenlovely said:


> Dear Animal Shelter Lady,
> 
> I'm sorry..i know i'm driving you bat shit crazy checking in with you everyday to see if the pups are weaned yet...but i reeeeeeeeally want one of those puppies. I keep checking because i know there are only 4 in the litter and a long list of people are hoping to get one so i'm scared i'll miss out on him. I want him so bad i've been dreaming about him. I really don't want or expect much right now with life in general, but please just let me have him and it will make my world less dreary <3
> 
> ...



Aww I hope you get your puppy  what breed of puppy is it?


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 27, 2009)

thanks y'all  for the last 2 days i've been driving the lady crazy lol. I called twice yesterday, and have called twice today but she asked me to call back in half an hour so..that will make for 3 times today. My life is centered around getting him so...i harrass them :blush:

He's a mixed puppy. His mother is a full bred Great Pyrenees and his father is a stranger in the night, but the lady told me the entire litter looks like big great huge white fluff balls. i just want him soooooooo bad.



snuggletiger said:


> Dear Great Whatever
> Hope LnL gets the puppy she wants.





sugar and spice said:


> Aww I hope you get your puppy  what breed of puppy is it?


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Feb 27, 2009)

Well, what'd you find out when you called back in half an hour??!!!???

Awwwww, PUPPY! I hope you get one!


----------



## largenlovely (Feb 27, 2009)

lol they were unable to get in touch with the owners so they told me to call back again tomorrow. 

I hope i get one too!! I've been searching for one for a month or maybe a lil more..trying to find what i wanted. Now that i have..i hope i can get him before everyone else. 



BigBeautifulMe said:


> Well, what'd you find out when you called back in half an hour??!!!???
> 
> Awwwww, PUPPY! I hope you get one!


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Feb 28, 2009)

Dear people of Richmond, Va.,

The weather forecasters here are talking about how we're going to get our "first significant snowfall in years."

People are changing work schedules. There are runs on the grocery stores.

So I start making all these preventative plans...and then I listen to the forecast.

2" - 4"

COME ONNNNNNNN, people. TWO INCHES?!

:doh:

Sincerely,

Me.


----------



## mimosa (Feb 28, 2009)

Dear BigBeautifulMe, 

hahahahahahaha! 


Hugs and Kisses, 


Snowy Colorado. :bow:








BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear people of Richmond, Va.,
> 
> The weather forecasters here are talking about how we're going to get our "first significant snowfall in years."
> 
> ...


----------



## Catkin (Feb 28, 2009)

Dear You,

why are you seeing her tomorrow? She's your ex, who cheated on you REPEATEDLY. I don't want to see you get hurt, but I think you will...to her it'll probably be just sex, and I don't know if you can detach yourself. 

Here to pick up the pieces, always,

Me xxx

p.s. I will be civil, promise.
____________

Dear Me, 

go to bed! You're knackered, and you need sleep so you're ready to go dancing tomorrow  also, don't forget that birthday card! It's already a week late. Oops!


----------



## CleverBomb (Feb 28, 2009)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear people of Richmond, Va.,
> 
> The weather forecasters here are talking about how we're going to get our "first significant snowfall in years."
> 
> ...


Paging GEF.

GEF, please pick up the BIG, vaguely phalic white courtesy phone...

-Rusty


----------



## SMA413 (Feb 28, 2009)

Dear He Got it at Jared-

Perfect effin' timing.  It's like you know the EXACT moment when I decide to forget about you because 30 second later- you text me. Grrrr....

- Sam's Club


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 28, 2009)

CleverBomb said:


> Paging GEF.
> 
> GEF, please pick up the BIG, vaguely phalic white courtesy phone...
> 
> -Rusty



What a phallic phone has to do with snow in VA is beyond me........other than I am not one to get hysterical over snow like some people around here do. 

Oh wait....I see the connection.....I DO get kind of overly excited over phallic symbols....but I thought that was a secret......:blush: :doh:

Edit: Rusty.......it's just two inches...........I am DEFINITELY NOT excited now.........


----------



## Cors (Feb 28, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Edit: Rusty.......it's just two inches...........I am DEFINITELY NOT excited now.........



Just think of it as a very, very big clit...


----------



## Famouslastwords (Feb 28, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Edit: Rusty.......it's just two inches...........I am DEFINITELY NOT excited now.........



You got excited over my 3 inch nub!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 28, 2009)

Famouslastwords said:


> You got excited over my 3 inch nub!




yes.....even a woman can come up with better than two inches :doh: 


Don't mind me.........I'm such a picky wench....it's just that......hell the fingers in my right hand are longer than two stinking worthless inches ........


----------



## olwen (Mar 1, 2009)

Dear Dr. Oral Surgeon, 

I'm kinda pissed about why I had to explain that I needed the arm rests raised up on the dentist chair. Hello, I needed to put my arms somewhere. I'm either the first really fat patient you've had or the first to complain about it. Expecting me to be comfortable resting my arms on my belly and twiddle my thumbs while some strange guy fiddles around in my mouth with exotic looking torture devices - not cool. Telling me to let my arms just dangle down the sides of the chair - also not cool. Intimating that I'm so fat you wouldn't be able to reach my mouth if the arms of the chair were raised up - also really really not cool, but you seemed to do fine with the arms up anyway didn't you? Geez.

But I'm giving you a pass just this once because Damn but you are HOT!!!! Oh the very naughty naughty thoughts that were running thru my head while under nitrous oxide. Just be really glad I couldn't talk! Also, thanks for the Vicodin! 

Sincerely, 

O.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 1, 2009)

Dear Olwen,

I'm glad he is hot.........because for a while there you had me wanting to stab him. Perhaps now, I will only spank him :batting: 

Moi


----------



## olwen (Mar 1, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Olwen,
> 
> I'm glad he is hot.........because for a while there you had me wanting to stab him. Perhaps now, I will only spank him :batting:
> 
> Moi



Ha! I was hoping he'd spank ME, among other things. It also didn't help that the arms of the chair had these big beige velcro straps. My o my whatever would I use those for? LOL

I forgot to ask if I could keep my wisdom teeth. Oh well.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Mar 1, 2009)

Wow Olwen, how old are you? Having your wisdom teeth taken out at this late a stage is wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiierd.

I had mine taken out at 17. Sucked to be me.


----------



## That1BigGirl (Mar 1, 2009)

Dear Olwen-

Thank goodness for hot doctors, but I agree with GEF, I was wanting to stab him too. PS- I have one wisdom tooth still, 3 taken out at 24 and 25, so it's not too weird. Some of us just gain wisdom a little later in life 

Dear Dentists chair makers- 

I'm not the only fat chick who hates the sides gouging into my hips. Make new ones for us fat chicks, okay?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 1, 2009)

Famouslastwords said:


> Wow Olwen, how old are you? Having your wisdom teeth taken out at this late a stage is wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiierd.
> 
> I had mine taken out at 17. Sucked to be me.



I turned 40 back in September and had a dentist appt that day. The hygienist mentioned taking my wisdom teeth out....but mainly because of placement that allows easier decay. However, since I DON'T have any cavities, the dentist just put a watch on them.
It was the first time in over a decade I had been to the dentist.....and still no cavities


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 1, 2009)

I hate you, GEF.  I use Rx toothpaste, floss twice a day, brush twice a day, and I STILL had a cavity when I skipped ONE 6 month dental cleaning appointment ($$$ reasons). 

Olwen, can you elaborate about how the arm of the chair goes up? I *hate* the dentist office because of the chair.  My dentist has chairs with arms that swing to the side - out - to allow someone to get in, but that's it. I have to do what you're talking about - clasp my arms on my belly the whole time. No easy task, and my arms get tired after a while.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 1, 2009)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I hate you, GEF.  I use Rx toothpaste, floss twice a day, brush twice a day, and I STILL had a cavity when I skipped ONE 6 month dental cleaning appointment ($$$ reasons).
> 
> Olwen, can you elaborate about how the arm of the chair goes up? I *hate* the dentist office because of the chair.  My dentist has chairs with arms that swing to the side - out - to allow someone to get in, but that's it. I have to do what you're talking about - clasp my arms on my belly the whole time. No easy task, and my arms get tired after a while.



My oldest daughter has a lot of problems avoiding cavities, too. She is like her father in that aspect. I asked one of the dentists if it's heredity related. 
He said we can inherit "thickness of enamel" from our parents. Makes total sense......

I'm saying that even though I religiously brush my teeth every day, I am also lucky from the gene pool, it seems


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 1, 2009)

Oh, I figured you did, given where you work and all.  

Yeah, I was born with very little enamel on my teeth, and that's not helped along by the fact I mouth-breathe since I'm a fattie.  Wears it away even faster, my dentist tells me.

Yet, I take good care of them, so I still have a gawjeous smile. Whew.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 1, 2009)

Dear Northerners, 

Please do not beat me for what I'm about to post below. Kthx.




Dear Richmond,

Remember how I laughed at you for getting excited about 2 inches? Well, now it looks like we're getting six! Wooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooo! I may have lived in Western Mass for 3 years, but I still *love* snow.  The little kid in me just adores it - I can't help it!

And it looks like I might - MIGHT - even get a snow day off of work tomorrow, which would be GRAND.  

Looking out my window now...it's so pretty!

(Apologies to those of you who have to deal with REAL snow, up in Boston, etc.  )


----------



## ashmamma84 (Mar 1, 2009)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear Northerners,
> 
> Please do not beat me for what I'm about to post below. Kthx.
> 
> ...



Dearest Ginny baby,

you are lucky I have a bad back...otherwise I'd take off my shoe and well, you know the rest. 



ps - a snow day for six inches? I wish.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 1, 2009)

ashmamma84 said:


> Dearest Ginny baby,
> 
> you are lucky I have a bad back...otherwise I'd take off my shoe and well, you know the rest.
> 
> ...



It snowed here today- doesn't like like it's going to hit two inches....but I told my daughter it's probably enough to close the schools here for a week


----------



## ashmamma84 (Mar 1, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> It snowed here today- doesn't like like it's going to hit two inches....but I told my daughter it's probably enough to close the schools here for a week



I guess I'm living in the wrong part of the country then. Cause it would have to snow well over 12 inches for the whole city to shut down and even then...that's debatable.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 1, 2009)

I know - when I went to Smith, we got FEET of snow - and still trudged through it to class. (they put down some kind of molasses mix to help melt the snow, and had plows - but the snow falls faster than the plows can operate.) I think Smith has had like one snow day in 50 years. lol. 

That's why it cracks me up how fast things shut down here - but on the other hand, if I get an unexpected day off work tomorrow, I'll be thrilled.


----------



## ashmamma84 (Mar 1, 2009)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> I know - when I went to Smith, we got FEET of snow - and still trudged through it to class. (they put down some kind of molasses mix to help melt the snow, and had plows - but the snow falls faster than the plows can operate.) I think Smith has had like one snow day in 50 years. lol.
> 
> That's why it cracks me up how fast things shut down here - but on the other hand, if I get an unexpected day off work tomorrow, I'll be thrilled.



Well I hope you get the day off. Nothing like lounging around in your coziest pajamas, reading a good book, under a nice warm blanket.

*long sigh*

...a girl can dream


----------



## olwen (Mar 1, 2009)

Famouslastwords said:


> Wow Olwen, how old are you? Having your wisdom teeth taken out at this late a stage is wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiierd.
> 
> I had mine taken out at 17. Sucked to be me.



I know, I know. I'm 33 and I never had em taken out. I just didn't want to deal with it, but one of them was growing sideways and pushing against the other so I figured I'd just do it.



That1BigGirl said:


> Dear Olwen-
> 
> Thank goodness for hot doctors, but I agree with GEF, I was wanting to stab him too. PS- I have one wisdom tooth still, 3 taken out at 24 and 25, so it's not too weird. Some of us just gain wisdom a little later in life
> 
> ...



Yeah. I've had them for a long time, I just hate dentists. Good to know I'm not the only one who waited.



BigBeautifulMe said:


> I hate you, GEF.  I use Rx toothpaste, floss twice a day, brush twice a day, and I STILL had a cavity when I skipped ONE 6 month dental cleaning appointment ($$$ reasons).
> 
> Olwen, can you elaborate about how the arm of the chair goes up? I *hate* the dentist office because of the chair.  My dentist has chairs with arms that swing to the side - out - to allow someone to get in, but that's it. I have to do what you're talking about - clasp my arms on my belly the whole time. No easy task, and my arms get tired after a while.



Exactly. I knew my arms would get tired and I'd be all stressed...anyway, the arms of the chair were pointed down, so it was easy to get into the chair but then I wanted the arms raised up so I could rest my arms on them and he wanted them down so the arms of the chair wouldn't get in his way. So I insisted he put them up so I'd have somewhere to rest my arms and be comfortable. My hips are a lot smaller than my upper body so I usually have just about enough room to fit in chairs now. I just wanted someplace to put my arms so I could grip them in case I started freaking out and I did, so I'm glad I made them raise them up. And anyway, my arms are so big, they would have dwarfed the arms of the chair anyway. So I knew his argument about having them out of his way was bullshit.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Mar 1, 2009)

Dear ___:

I made an effort, because it was a nice thing to do. Would an acknowledgment have killed you? 

S.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 2, 2009)

Dear Universe,

WOOOHOO! A snow day!  I hadn't dared to hope, really - but there it is. In a way, it makes sense. Yes, we're a bunch of snow-wussies down here in the south, but we also don't have things like snow tires or enough snow plows to go around because snow like this is so rare. They also couldn't put de-icer down yesterday because it rained so much before it turned to snow, and it would have all just washed away. 

Either way, I'm VERY glad I both get to admire it, AND don't have to go out in it! I know just how lucky I am. This has only happened, what, four times in my life time? And the last time I was a junior in high school!

Much love,

Me. :wubu:


----------



## furious styles (Mar 2, 2009)

Dear Fascinita,

Thank you! :]


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Mar 2, 2009)

Dear Lion,

You and I are _*not*_ friends!

Wishing you away,
Nancy

**

Dear Lamb,

Where the heck are you???

Awaiting your arrival,
Nancy


----------



## mulrooney13 (Mar 2, 2009)

Dear Red Baron French bread pepperoni pizzas when cooked in an oven,

Thank you for being so delicious.

Love,
Nathan

...

Dear townspeople buying up all my Red Baron French bread pepperoni pizzas,

Cease. Or I will be forced to kick ass and possibly take names.

Love,
Nathan


----------



## Suze (Mar 2, 2009)

hei doctor h

flirting with patients do *not* give them a good first impression!
i'll never step back into your office again. :O

ps was kinda cool to actually meet a ssbhm (!) doc, though. ironic that you had a 'The Dangerz with Obesitys' sign right behind you. 

- lol sus


----------



## supersoup (Mar 2, 2009)

dear dimensions board,

i love you. it's not the kind of fleeting, we met at a bar, and you smelled really good so i took you home love, it's the you know what i'm thinking when i'm thinking it, and always let me have the last bite sort of love. the rampant clusterfucking as of late has me saddened, but i know we shall overcome it. just makes me sad to see you down boo, as you've done nothing but lift me up and make my life better. i wish i knew the simple fix, or that it was in fact simply growing pains.

thanks for the family you've given me, the friends i've met here that i cherish and adore, and all the good looking boys i get to e-ogle.

s'agapo,
soupy


----------



## Adamantoise (Mar 2, 2009)

supersoup said:


> dear dimensions board,
> 
> i love you. it's not the kind of fleeting, we met at a bar, and you smelled really good so i took you home love, it's the you know what i'm thinking when i'm thinking it, and always let me have the last bite sort of love. the rampant clusterfucking as of late has me saddened, but i know we shall overcome it. just makes me sad to see you down boo, as you've done nothing but lift me up and make my life better. i wish i knew the simple fix, or that it was in fact simply growing pains.
> 
> ...



Sorry I can't rep you yet,Soup,but this was a beautiful post. Just beautiful. :bow:


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 2, 2009)

Dear Google Maps-
Your "street view" function is really not helping me feel less like a creepy stalker...
- Me


Dear Cozy Scruffy Guy-
There's some cute houses on your street...
:blush:
- Slightly Mental


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 2, 2009)

SMA413 said:


> Dear Google Maps-
> Your "street view" function is really not helping me feel less like a creepy stalker...
> - Me
> 
> ...



Dear SMA,

If you really want to invade his privacy, just go out and find the public listings for property taxes and his criminal background


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 2, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear SMA,
> 
> If you really want to invade his privacy, just go out and find the public listings for property taxes and his criminal background



Haha... that would just be just a SMIDGEN excessive... 


but I'll keep that in mind. LOL


----------



## KnottyOne (Mar 3, 2009)

Dear Dad,

Holy shit did yesterday happen? That was beyond awesome. I mean so awesome I don't care about the long distance fees I'm paying on my phone to post this from the Caribbean. So on Tortola there is a place called Bomba Shack, which is a crazy bar,.. Like, Mardi Gras meets frat party at night. But during the day it is dead and just a chill location. What they have is Bomba Punch, which 2 glasses knock you on your ass. When you go there though you can ask for the "Really Bad Shit" which has chunks of shrooms floating in it. Yes... real shrooms. So my dad and I order this stuff and kill it, and we eat the "really bad shit". We spent the next 5 hours laying on the beach staring at basically everything, having the deepest conversations we have ever had and just felt at peace with the world. Oh... and tripping balls of course haha. But yea, had to share this one somehow.

Yours,
A totally tripped out son


----------



## SamanthaNY (Mar 3, 2009)

Dear Knotty: 

I thought your life was like that all the time . Ya know, shrooms, Tortola, Bomba Shack. It's very _you_. 

Glad you're having a great time with your Dad! 

S.


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 4, 2009)

Dear Chloraseptic spray-

I have a few bones to pick with you, sir. First off- if you call that cherry flavored, then there is something severely rotten with the cherries you've eaten.

Secondly- it would be just FANTASTIC if your spray nozzle thing didn't spray your product on my tongue, instead of my throat where it's SUPPOSED to go. Now parts of my tongue are numb. That second point sounds like it's supposed to be all sexual inuendo-y, but it's not. So get your minds out of the gutter. lol

Thanks a mil-

Streppy Samantha


----------



## mossystate (Mar 5, 2009)

nothin to see here....move along...out of my way...


----------



## Zandoz (Mar 5, 2009)

Dear Brain;

Don't even go there, you know you're setting yourself up for another disappointment. It ain't gonna happen. Move on.

Z.


----------



## largenlovely (Mar 5, 2009)

dear best friends nephew's thrash metal band,

I will be in attendance but please ignore the ear plugs. I want to support you but seriously..i'm too old for this shit 

love

your surrogate aunt who hopes to leave the concert with her sanity


----------



## SamanthaNY (Mar 5, 2009)

Dear _____: 

You don't know it, but I've come to have much respect for you. I hope what you said there doesn't mean what it appears to. 

With true concern, 

S. 


Dear __________: 

Careful, your 'Higher Standard' is showing. LOL. 

Snickeringly, 

S.


----------



## Lovelyone (Mar 6, 2009)

Dear Spring-
I saw you today. I saw you playing coy and peeking out from under that weather cloud--you sneaky thing!! Its too late, I saw you. Now you have to come out full force...and bring your little friends sunshine, flowers, grass, and green tree leaves with you. Don't be shy now...come on out! 

Sincerely, 
Sick of winter in Indiana


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear garlic bread pizza,

Please hurry tfu and finish baking. TYVM.

Can't wait to devour you,

Me.


----------



## olwen (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear H, 

I don't know whether to hug you or punch you. 

After 9 years of friendship, you finally admit to something I've always known about you. You love fat chicks and you aren't afraid to let other people know it. You tell everybody how cool your chubby girlfriend is and introduced her to all of us and I love how you're willing to make major life changes just to be with her. You've grown up a lot lately. And she is cool and I like her so don't fuck it up. Kudos man. For that you get a hug.

How do I explain the I want to punch you parts?.....After 9 years of friendship we're really close and we have real love for each other. Cool. But we both know you rejected me because you think I'm too fat for you. I don't begrudge you your preference, but I still hate that your limit is so low.

If I were your girlfriend's size we'd have been married by now. I regret that we never got the chance to actually find that out, but in a way, I'm also glad because you def don't share my kink. Hell, you don't even understand it, and had we ended up together I would never have known that about myself. Still, I will always wonder what could have been, and maybe you wonder that too...I don't hate you but, I wish you had been more open minded so I wouldn't have had to suffer that rejection, cause it hurt a lot, and I know you know that, which is why I was floored when you finally let everybody know that you love fat chicks. Where the fuck was this open enthusiasm four years ago? Oh right, it was only open and apparent when you were drunk and flirting with me, or sober and flirting when no one else was around. For that you deserve a punch to the ear and a kick in the nuts. 

More than wanting to punch you tho, I want to get over it, like now....If you weren't great in all other areas I'd have dropped you as a friend ages ago, but the past is the past right? I'm happy you finally found a girl who has inspired you to grow up. And I'm glad I know you don't share my kink cause it does make it easier to get over you (you'd make for a terrible Dom). I just want to stop cringing inside every time you talk to me about her. Do you know how effing hard it is for me to resist giving you bad advice on purpose? As much as I like her, and really really do like her a lot, part of me wants you to break up with her just because she's not as fat as I am. I feel like I got gypped. But I know, I need to get over it because I really do want you to be happy. If you are miserable, I'll have to suffer thru endless whining coffee house visits about how miserable you are, and nobody wants that.  

So in conclusion. I love you and sometimes I hate you and want to inflict bodily harm unto you even tho I know you can box and you could probably kick my ass, but you'd never in a million years hit a woman so I wouldn't get any real satisfaction out of it. I want you to want me, but I'm also kinda glad you don't. I know my feelings are all mixed up, and I know if you were to read this you'd want to give me a big ole hug, so I love you way more than I hate you.

How's that for a ridiculously personal public confession?

Love, 

O.


----------



## MisticalMisty (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear Dominos...

Please hurry..I'm seriously hungry.

The hungry fat girl in Tulsa


----------



## mulrooney13 (Mar 7, 2009)

Man, lots of letters written to pizza products lately. Makes me wonder if I still have some pizza left in the fridge...:huh:


----------



## Santaclear (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear Excellent Pizza,

Please come to my house. Thanks! 

Your friend,

S


----------



## TraciJo67 (Mar 7, 2009)

Santaclear said:


> Dear Excellent Pizza,
> 
> Please come to my house. Thanks!
> 
> ...



Dear Santaclear,

Do the words 'excellent' and 'Dominos' ever belong together, in the same sentence?

Inquiringly,


----------



## mulrooney13 (Mar 7, 2009)

Do the words "domino" and "pizza" really even belong together? Why is that the name of the pizza place? Doesn't make sense when you really think about it.


----------



## Rowan (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear mom,

Why the fuck do you let this pos loser treat you like shit, complain that you dont want him anymore, but then start talking to him again??? Have some fucking dignity and self worth woman!!! I love you but you make it hard for me to feel bad for you when you CHOOSE to be abused and used!!


----------



## mossystate (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear ________________,

See...I tried. I tried to give you the tiniest benefit of a huge doubt. I thought you might have it in you to want actual communication...but you don't/didn't. 
Dismissing someone after you have had your say, well, that speaks volumes.

I am glad to know that it is not me...it is most definitely you. There is a big diconnect that you should really work on. I gave you more than you deserved, however, rather than be upset with myself for being more open than you could ever be...I will be proud of myself.

One day, you might have an epiphany. Try not to wave it away, thinking you know better...you don't.



Monique


----------



## Santaclear (Mar 7, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Santaclear,
> 
> Do the words 'excellent' and 'Dominos' ever belong together, in the same sentence?
> 
> Inquiringly,



I wanted to wait a while before replying so we could give Misty time to finish her pizza. :bow:

No, TraciJo, I believe that "excellent" and "Dominos" exist in two different universes. In fact, I blame Reagan for Dominos - he was still President the last time I ordered from there.

Another memory that haunts me is going to Pizza Hut with college friends in the early '70s. I remember the dim, depressing lighting, the strange salad bar, the dry linoleum-like pizza and the feeling that I was supposed to drink the terrible beer we had ordered since I was out in a restaurant.


----------



## Santaclear (Mar 7, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Do the words "domino" and "pizza" really even belong together? Why is that the name of the pizza place? Doesn't make sense when you really think about it.



Maybe the original plan was to grind up real dominoes and put them in the pizza?

Once again, I hope Misty's meal went well.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 7, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Man, lots of letters written to pizza products lately. Makes me wonder if I still have some pizza left in the fridge...:huh:



Post pix o ur big french bread pizza...kthxbye :batting: 



Santaclear said:


> Maybe the original plan was to grind up real dominoes and put them in the pizza?
> 
> Once again, I hope Misty's meal went well.



I'm tired of you always sounding so positive all the time .....


----------



## Santaclear (Mar 7, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I'm tired of you always sounding so positive all the time .....



I wish all Dominos employees, customers and stockholders only the best!


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 7, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Do the words "domino" and "pizza" really even belong together? Why is that the name of the pizza place? Doesn't make sense when you really think about it.



So I'm a major dork who knows random crap... originally it was a pizza place called Dominick's Pizza. The name was changed because one of the brothers that bought the store wanted a name that ended in a vowel.


Dear Food Network-
Thank you for your wealth of useless knowledge.
-Samantha


Dear Jared-
Have I told you lately how much I just _*LOOOOVVVVE*_ being blown off? Yeah. It's totally the greatest.

I'm done.
- Samantha


----------



## MisticalMisty (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear Pizza Haters...

I live in Oklahoma..LOL It's Domino's...Pizza Hut, Papa Johns or Mazzios...I like the Philly Cheesesteak so bite me..LOL

That is all.

Misty


----------



## mulrooney13 (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear Jared,

You're still the Subway spokesman?? It's been like seven years. My once mild annoyance of you has festered into an outright disdain. Coupled with the annoying "five dollar footlong" jingle, I may now abandon Subway altogether. I mean, come on, Geico has a new spokesman every two weeks.


Dear Geico,

Quit changing spokesmen. That's as annoying as Subway's five dollar footlong commercials.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 7, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Dear Jared,
> 
> You're still the Subway spokesman?? It's been like seven years. My once mild annoyance of you has festered into an outright disdain. Coupled with the annoying "five dollar footlong" jingle, I may now abandon Subway altogether. I mean, come on, Geico has a new spokesman every two weeks.
> 
> ...




I don't know about anyone else....but I sure miss that talking chihauhau that taco bell used to have.....


----------



## mulrooney13 (Mar 7, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I don't know about anyone else....but I sure miss that talking chihauhau that taco bell used to have.....



Yo quiero Taco Bell! I'd forgotten about those.

Oh, and you'll not get your grabby hands on my beloved French bread pizza!


----------



## Haunted (Mar 7, 2009)

MisticalMisty said:


> Dear Pizza Haters...
> 
> I live in Oklahoma..LOL It's Domino's...Pizza Hut, Papa Johns or Mazzios...I like the Philly Cheesesteak so bite me..LOL
> 
> ...



I'll Take Domino's over Chuck E. Cheese Cardboard anyday, 

Now, we have a place called Pizza Guy they have The Big Mac Pizza (yup Hamburg, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Tomato, Onions and Pickles) It's fucking Awesome


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 7, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Yo quiero Taco Bell! I'd forgotten about those.
> 
> Oh, and you'll not get your grabby hands on my beloved French bread pizza!



Baby...I just want to see a pic of it......or cam you. I cannot help it if I am soo attracted to your big french bread pizza :batting:  



Haunted said:


> I'll Take Domino's over Chuck E. Cheese Cardboard anyday,
> 
> Now, we have a place called Pizza Guy they have The Big Mac Pizza (yup Hamburg, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Tomato, Onions and Pickles) It's fucking Awesome




That does sound wonderful......:eat2:


----------



## Santaclear (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear Pizza Lovers of Dimensions,

Here are the photos you requested.

Concerned 

View attachment 3270643169_38db7eaa36.jpg


View attachment IMG_5382-1.JPG


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Mar 7, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I don't know about anyone else....but I sure miss that talking chihauhau that taco bell used to have.....



"I theenk I need a beeger box!" That was my favorite Taco Bell commercial. I actually have two Taco Bell stuffed talking dogs. I love them.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 7, 2009)

D_A_Bunny said:


> "I theenk I need a beeger box!" That was my favorite Taco Bell commercial. I actually have two Taco Bell stuffed talking dogs. I love them.



My oldest daughter had one....but it stopped talking a long time ago


----------



## mulrooney13 (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear Santaclear,

That first picture appears to be a cake that is merely frosted to appear like a pizza. You'll not fool me with your pizza cake.

I was being sincere when I wrote this,
Nathan


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 7, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Dear Santaclear,
> 
> That first picture appears to be a cake that is merely frosted to appear like a pizza. You'll not fool me with your pizza cake.
> 
> ...




I saw that too...but thought the cake looked better than the pizza below it


----------



## mulrooney13 (Mar 7, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I saw that too...but thought the cake looked better than the pizza below it



Yeah, that cake has like, pinto beans on it. Wtf?


----------



## Santaclear (Mar 7, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Dear Santaclear,
> 
> That first picture appears to be a cake that is merely frosted to appear like a pizza. You'll not fool me with your pizza cake.
> 
> ...



Hi Nathan,

I found the pics by googling "bad pizza." I agree with you - it _does_ look like cake. But the blog that I found the pic on seemed to be complaining about some bad pizza experience so I ran with it. :blush:

The second pic, tho, absolutely looks like terrible pizza - don't you agree?

Santaclear


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 7, 2009)

Jalapeno, ham and beans....yuck


----------



## Weeze (Mar 7, 2009)

Dear Sister,
Please remember I love you more than I could ever love anyone else. I will wake up at 7:30 and make 43 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, buy you pants, drop what i'm doing to bring you your favorite sneakers and something for dinner, wait in the parking lot for half an hour while you finish having dinner with your friends because, well, I love you, and that's what sisters do. I honestly do not mind. What I do mind, however, is how quickly you turn around and complain about what I did *not* do for you. I am not your parent, I do not *have* to do anything. Please remember this.

Love, 
Krissy


----------



## Santaclear (Mar 7, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I saw that too...but thought the cake looked better than the pizza below it



It's definitely a question of the lesser of two evils in these "meals."



mulrooney13 said:


> Yeah, that cake has like, pinto beans on it. Wtf?



Pinto beans and....very poor quality hot dogs, maybe?


----------



## D_A_Bunny (Mar 7, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Jalapeno, ham and beans....yuck



I would feel FAR worse for anyone who has to spend anytime WITH the person who ate the pizza, then the person who actually ATE the pizza.


----------



## mulrooney13 (Mar 8, 2009)

Santaclear said:


> Hi Nathan,
> 
> I found the pics by googling "bad pizza." I agree with you - it _does_ look like cake. But the blog that I found the pic on seemed to be complaining about some bad pizza experience so I ran with it. :blush:
> 
> ...



Ha, nice. That is indeed bad pizza.


----------



## CleverBomb (Mar 8, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Yeah, that cake has like, pinto beans on it. Wtf?


The more I think about it, the more I like the pizza cake.
Very creative.
I wouldn't be surprised (but can't tell from the photo) if the "pinto beans" weren't bits of licorice pretentending to be diced black olives. 

-Rusty


----------



## Famouslastwords (Mar 8, 2009)

Santaclear said:


> Dear Pizza Lovers of Dimensions,
> 
> Here are the photos you requested.
> 
> Concerned



Uhhhh, Sorry Santa, I love you I really do. But... those pizzas look fuckin' nasty.

*Edit* Oh, I see that was the point. Der.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 8, 2009)

CleverBomb said:


> The more I think about it, the more I like the pizza cake.
> Very creative.
> I wouldn't be surprised (but can't tell from the photo) if the "pinto beans" weren't bits of licorice pretentending to be diced black olives.
> 
> -Rusty




I'm getting real tired of all the positive spins you put on things around here.....


----------



## ValentineBBW (Mar 8, 2009)

mulrooney13 said:


> Dear Jared,
> 
> You're still the Subway spokesman?? It's been like seven years. My once mild annoyance of you has festered into an outright disdain. Coupled with the annoying "five dollar footlong" jingle, I may now abandon Subway altogether. I mean, come on, Geico has a new spokesman every two weeks.
> 
> ...



Is there anything truly more annoying than this?



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I don't know about anyone else....but I sure miss that talking chihauhau that taco bell used to have.....



Yes, please bring back the chihuahua!


----------



## KnottyOne (Mar 8, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear Knotty:
> 
> I thought your life was like that all the time . Ya know, shrooms, Tortola, Bomba Shack. It's very _you_.
> 
> ...



Not ALLLLLL the time, I switch up my substances, locations and clubs. Ya know, rolling stones gather no moss and such. Well... actually more I need to see more, both real and metaphysical... or well, yea I'm gonna start calling trips metaphysical journeys haha.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Mar 8, 2009)

Dear J.K. Rowling ~

Brilliant...just brilliant.

Your fan and faithful Harry Potter geek,
Nancy


----------



## SamanthaNY (Mar 8, 2009)

Dear Dim Boards:

You need to be cleansed with a smudge stick of about 10 feet in diameter. And 30 feet in length. 

Or, you need a doobie of the same approximate size. 

Either way, something has to happen. I can't imagine what it'll be like if this gets worse. 

Sincerely, 

Sam.


----------



## GWARrior (Mar 8, 2009)

Dear friend who lives far away,

I loooove you so damn much and will continue to love you even tho you are being the biggest baby. WHINE WHINE WHINE. We cant even hold a normal conversation without you bring up your 1)lack of money, 2)shitty job, 3)lack of a sociel life, 4)lame classes, 5)annoying people in your lame classes, 6)your 'worthlessness'.


You are a good person. You are talented at many things (hellooo cunnilingusssss). You are fun. And let's face it... a total babe.

I get that life is hard and confusing at the moment. We are young 20somethings who are stuck. It happens. Figure out an escape route and follow it.

Relax. Take a pill. Smoke that huge blunt that SamNY mentioned. and STFU.

love, your Masshole girl.


----------



## bexy (Mar 9, 2009)

Dear M

This is a great way to get all of this off my chest without actually being nasty and saying all to you. I may seem like a bitch, and I can assure you (and anyone you reads this lol) I am not, I am just a tired, fed up, past the end of my tether kinda girl.

Firstly M, you are not really my friend. I choose my friends. We have nothing in common at all. You are cold, spoilt, selfish, hysterical and weird. You thrust yourself upon our group 2 and a half years ago by inviting yourself to London. You overheard us talking about it and said you wanted to come.When someone asks if they can come, what is the polite way to say no? There isn't one. So to London you came. And after London, to every other social event you got a sniff of, whether you were invited or not. 

You played upon your "mental illness" to make it impossible for anyone to ever be nasty to you. Or even just upfront with you. But the reality of it is you spent 18 months trying to buy our friendships, then throwing every single drink, chocolate bar or pizza you ever bought us in our faces. We never asked you for anything but you insisted on buying for us, only to then ask us to say thank you 50 times!

You act like a spoilt child. You hate the fact that I get attention for just being myself so you do your screaming act to make people look at you. 
You scream and shout and sing in the middle of pubs and restaurants just to get attention, you stamp the table and your feet if you don't get your own way. You make us all feel uncomfortable and obliged to be quiet and do as you say because of your "mental illness." 

I have given you chance after chance to try to see some good in you but I can't because there is none. 

You are a horrible, weird, spoilt person. You ruined my night last night by nearly starting a fight right beside me over a fucking balloon when I am 5 and a half months pregnant, hence why I left!! 

And God so help me if you poke my stomach one more time I will* rip your hands off.* 

You shouldn't have to try to bribe or pressure people into being your friend. I try to make time for you as I know you have had a tough year but you are the most selfish person I know and I am not doing it anymore. FUCK OFF. Just FUCK RIGHT OFF. Please. Thanking you.

A very fed up Bexy.


----------



## KHayes666 (Mar 9, 2009)

Dear her....

Where do we go......where do we go now....owaowow where do we go now? (sweet child) where do we go now? where do we goooooo?


----------



## mimosa (Mar 9, 2009)

Dear R

Thank you for a wonderful evening. Hope to hear from you this afternoon.

Hugs, 

Mimi


----------



## CleverBomb (Mar 9, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear Dim Boards:
> 
> You need to be cleansed with a smudge stick of about 10 feet in diameter. And 30 feet in length.
> 
> ...


As a wise man once said:



> Doobie, doobie dooo...



-Rusty
(Beware of the Penguins)


----------



## That1BigGirl (Mar 10, 2009)

Dear Sam,

I cannot rep you again so soon. I am sad. However, I wished to tell you that I pictured the smudge stick in question and could totally see one- It made me gigglesnort. If you find one, just remember to take pictures of it for Ripley's or something. Same thing with the doobie- and don't forget the major munchies everyone would need from said doobie.

Thanks for the gigglesnort-
~M





SamanthaNY said:


> Dear Dim Boards:
> 
> You need to be cleansed with a* smudge stick of about 10 feet in diameter. And 30 feet in length.*
> 
> ...


----------



## mszwebs (Mar 10, 2009)

Dear Daddy,

I miss you and I love you very much.

Say hi to Grandma and Grandpa(s), Marty and Steve, and most of all, Happy Birthday.

Love,

Cabby


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Mar 10, 2009)

Dear Spring - 

Remember when I said I didn't want you to come? How I was hoping for one more good snowfall, and the cold weather to last?

Well, I actually kinda like this near-flooding rain we've been getting. The sky looked really neat just now, when I was outside, how half of it was a light gray, and the other half was a deep mix of blue and dark gray. Especially with the flashes of lightning nearby. I could stand out in you all day. I love listening to rain and thunder. So, if you want to keep raining for a while, I'm content with Winter's passing.

Just try to hold off Summer as long as you can. I would be greatly appreciative.

Your not-so-fair-weathered friend
Mark J


----------



## mulrooney13 (Mar 14, 2009)

Dear Dimensions Members,

Please write in me! I like to be viewed. I'm way better than those other threads.

Sincerely,
Letters to people and things thread.


----------



## Suze (Mar 14, 2009)

dear bestfriend

thank you for being so patient and understanding. without you, i wouldn't been able to handle my current shitasious state.

when i'm at it...get rid of those fucking bunny's pls. i'm allergic and can't visit you anymore. :/

-I


----------



## Adamantoise (Mar 14, 2009)

Dear Self,
Please stop being stupid,
Tom.

Dear Rocky and Cider (my dogs),
Thank you for being there-I'm grateful to have such wonderful pets,
Tom.


----------



## olwen (Mar 14, 2009)

Dear Job, 

I can't belive payroll was late. Grrrrrr.

Signed, 

Broke till monday

Dear H, 

Sorry I couldn't buy you a drink on your b'day. I'll totally make it up to you by buying your ticket for Watchmen.

Signed, 

Me.


----------



## swamptoad (Mar 14, 2009)

Dear Thread,

I don't know what to write.


Sincerely,

I still don't know


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 14, 2009)

Dear Jean Ritchie,

I love you, this song and that mandolin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8wR4GZGnZE

Love, 
Moi


----------



## swamptoad (Mar 14, 2009)

Dear *awful smell of cigarette smoke*



FUCK OFF!


Thanks and have a nice day.


----------



## KHayes666 (Mar 15, 2009)

swamptoad said:


> Dear *awful smell of cigarette smoke*
> 
> 
> 
> ...





Dear Smokers the smoke belongs to that just made me cough for 15 minutes straight



FUCK OFF....AND DIE!


Thanks and have a nice day.


----------



## furious styles (Mar 15, 2009)

dear menthol cigarettes :

i love you.


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (Mar 15, 2009)

Dear Collingwood supporters,


HAHAHAHAHA!

From Me


----------



## chicken legs (Mar 15, 2009)

Dear Fidelity 

I would like to alter my 401K and discuss invesments in certain areas of commerce, but I am shy. I would like to talk to a hottie in person about my ideas for the future.

Thanks


C.L.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Mar 15, 2009)

______, 

I've come to the conclusion that you're not actually fat - just *completely* full of yourself. 

S.


----------



## URTalking2Jenn (Mar 17, 2009)

Dear mind..

Please make yourself up. I finally get what I thought I always wanted, and now your tired of being a student. Your driving me crazy. What do you want...

blah.


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 17, 2009)

Dear Popsicle brand-

Oh, how I've missed your witty little jokes on your popsicle sticks. Like this priceless gem:

What did the dentist give to the marching band?

A tuba toothpaste.



- Me


----------



## Surlysomething (Mar 17, 2009)

Dear friends that I love with all my heart.

I can't handle the smoking. I never can. You know that.
I hate bitching about it, but man...what a weekend wrecker.


----------



## Lovelyone (Mar 18, 2009)

Dear K~
Thank you for the wonderful birthday gift!! 
You always come through in the clutch and I hope that I can return the favor someday. Until then I just want you to know that I appreciate your friendship.

Dear P-
You frustrate the hell out of me. Knock it off. 

Dear Shae-I made a delicious dinner the other night, and cos you were too busy rushing to get home to your newest boy-toy...you missed out! Sucks to be you--not really..I'm just jealous! 

Dear Maddie-You made me laugh crazy when you said "Aunt Terri don't say the word dammit, its bad....and don't say sh*t, either." When I pointed out to you that when you tell me not to say curse words...you are cursing too, you informed me that it was okay cos you were "playing mommy". I think perhaps you are the most clever 3 year old I have ever known. I promise to try to stop saying those words. 

Cheyenne- I promised Maddie that I wouldn't say those words, so try not to provoke me by taking my cookies, by being crazy, or by doing your kung-fu moves in the kitchen, k? Thanks, love ya.


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 18, 2009)

Dear Jonny the LVN-

I swear to all that is holy that if I hear you say, "on the floor/on the flo' " one more freakin time, I will knock you flat on your back on the flo'.

Get a new fuckin catch phrase!!

-That new girl.


----------



## mossystate (Mar 20, 2009)

Dear President Obama, 

While you could never make as many stupid mistakes as #43, please know that the Special Olympics crack you made while you were on the Tonight Show made me cringe and had you sounding like some moron who thinks ' tard 'and gay jokes are the pinnacle of humor.

Please think about what comes out of your mouth.

For fucks sake.


Signed, 

A still cringing citizen


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 20, 2009)

Barack Obama made fun of the special olympics .. 



























*and I jizzed in my pants*

- Louis KC


----------



## Ruffie (Mar 20, 2009)

dear backstabbers
I hope you are happy with the carnage you create in peoples lives. Seriously do you enjoy hurting all those people around you for a little favor with others? Does it make you oh so superior to take others words and twist them around to hurt others and create mistrust? Is it fun to gossip and lie to gain position in your workplace, social circles and with guys? I truly pity you cause I and others have tried to reach out to you and help you in your times of need and yet you turn on all of us and stab us in the back. I hope you enjoy the "rewards" you have reaped from all of this, cause when Karma comes around its gonna be a bitch!


----------



## mergirl (Mar 20, 2009)

Dear energy sookers.

I really dont want you guys in my life anymore. Alchy Pal who calls me at 3am and who has threatened me in the past and pissed on my couch..after 10 years even though i care for you, i'm going to have to block you i'm afraid. So called friend who i supported and you just wernt there for me ever i think its time to say goodbye to you. To Specific person who makes my brain hurt and has expected me to be a counciller for years even though you have fucked me up in more ways than your self obsessed 'you' world will ever know..I am saying goodbye to you too.
I wish you well on your journey but i dont want to walk on your path because i'm tired of carrying you all the time. I'm saving my time and energies for the people in my life that really deserve it. 
x


----------



## Catkin (Mar 20, 2009)

Dear Sun, 

please don't be a great big tease and go away after this weekend, ok? Because I've heard the rumours, seen the weather reports...and they don't look stunning. Be a friend and stay, please!

Love, your pasty friend, who still enjoys the occasional sun-bathing session.


----------



## KHayes666 (Mar 20, 2009)

Dear BC,

Don't lose to BU, I'll never hear the end of it (and be out 20 bucks).

-K


----------



## CAMellie (Mar 20, 2009)

Dear Subeta,

While I love you dearly...I'm afraid I've become quite addicted to you and this must stop! I have things I have to do and you're distracting me. Quit being so damned fun!


Your slave,
Melliekins


----------



## MisticalMisty (Mar 20, 2009)

Dear Stephanie Meyer,

I hate you. I love you.

Signed,

The gal in Tulsa with OCD- Obsessive Cullen Disorder


----------



## Surlysomething (Mar 21, 2009)

man, people need to learn how to own up to their own bullshit

i'm tired of calling them on it


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 21, 2009)

Dear McD and Boral-

Thanks for a phenomenal night of reminicing and chilling on a porch. See you guys next weekend when we'll "get our minds blown" by conjunto accordian music. Can't wait. 

- Sam


----------



## Surlysomething (Mar 21, 2009)

Dear self

You've done so good not losing things lately. Why did you go and 'misplace' your debit card on a weekend? Here's to living off of change until Monday. Haha. Good thing you filled your tank, bought food and bought your nephew's b-day present before you did it. You're not entirely stupid.

Thanks
Me


----------



## CAMellie (Mar 21, 2009)

Dear Adrian,

Happy 1st anniversary! Here's to many, many more. I love you, babe.


Melanie


----------



## Mathias (Mar 21, 2009)

Dear Self-

Thanks for ignoring that little voice in your head that kept telling you to go on a shopping spree today.

-Matt


----------



## SamanthaNY (Mar 21, 2009)

Mathias said:


> Dear Self-
> 
> Thanks for ignoring that little voice in your head that kept telling you to go on a shopping spree today.
> 
> -Matt



Dear Matt: 

The stores are open on Sundays. And stuff is on sale. You _need _stuff. It would feel so good to have new stuff. You deserve new stuff. 

Thinking of you, 

Little Voice.


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 21, 2009)

Dear Matt- 

Please disregard the previous statement. There are no such stores open on Sundays and there are no sales. You don't need anything. SamanthaNY speaks lies.

Love always (or until you have insufficient funds),
Your Bank Account

P.S.
People that listen to little voices in their heads are considered crazy. Just sayin'.

-----

Dear fellow drivers-

There comes a point in time during the day when it's not really appropriate to wear sunglasses while driving. That time is when 99% of the other drivers have their headlights on and the sun has pretty much set. 

Unless you're Corey Hart... then you can wear your sunglasses at night.

But really- you look stupid. Take the shades off when the sun goes down.

Thanks bunches-
Samantha


----------



## Mathias (Mar 21, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear Matt:
> 
> The stores are open on Sundays. And stuff is on sale. You _need _stuff. It would feel so good to have new stuff. You deserve new stuff.
> 
> ...



Dear Little Voice,

I'll be busy doing work tomorrow so I won't have time to go. Monday however, is a completely different story. 

-Matt


----------



## Gingembre (Mar 21, 2009)

Dear Dad,
F**king get your head out of the sand, wake up and sort your shit out before your laziness & inability to organise & get on with anything drags us all down. Denial really doesn't help and I'm losing all respect for you. I'm not even very upset by that fact anymore, because I find you so frustrating.
- Me


Dear Self,
Turn off the computer and go to sleep. You've been tired all week and you have to gt up in 6.5hours....step awaaaaay from Dimensions..!
- Me
PS. How awesome is our hair going to look tomorrow?! Yup, pretty awesome (hopefully!)


----------



## Paquito (Mar 21, 2009)

Hey You-

Stop slacking and print out your scholarship forms. This is why you missed out on all those other scholarships.
GET TO IT

Signed,
The Reasonable Side


Reasonable Side-

Much rather stay on Dims, thank you.

Signed,
The Dims Loving Side


----------



## HottiMegan (Mar 21, 2009)

Dear Downstairs Neighbor,
Thanks for letting your dog pee on our rear wheel. Yanno, pee is a corrosive material that went RIGHT on our breaks. Nice to know you care about the safety of my little boys. Think about others before you let your mutt run free. I can handle the dog barking nearly all day long while you're gone but don't let it pee on my stuff! It's not really considrate since you have to live around multiple people.


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (Mar 22, 2009)

Dear You,

I wish you would just tell me what changed, so I can stop wondering.

Me.


----------



## That1BigGirl (Mar 22, 2009)

Dear Free2beme-

Thank you for this reminder. I need to stop slacking and do that myself.

Thanks so much,
TIBG



free2beme04 said:


> Hey You-
> 
> Stop slacking and print out your scholarship forms. This is why you missed out on all those other scholarships.
> GET TO IT
> ...


----------



## steely (Mar 22, 2009)

Dear Family,
It's not that I don't love YOUR kids but if I wanted one,I'd have had my own.Find someone else to babysit the whole weekend.Thanks,
Aunt,Sister,Step-Grandmother


----------



## MisticalMisty (Mar 22, 2009)

Dear Heart,

I'm sorry. I thought it would start getting easier...and then BOOM..another day..another memory and it all comes flooding back.

I promise that I'll do what I can to protect you better next time. I'm sorry I've caused you to break.

Please let me mend you.

Me


----------



## Victim (Mar 22, 2009)

Dear ________

I don't know WHY I am so creeped out by what you said. I mean, it really doesn't apply to me. But SO many SSBBW, BBW, and other women possess this physical trait (including my own love) and I just can't understand why you are so disgusted by it. I really like your sense of humor and have enjoyed chats more when you were around, but something is just really bugging me about this. I mean, a guy shouldn't get creeped out by what a woman thinks about other women, should he?

Sincerely yours, Confused and a Bit Put Off.


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (Mar 23, 2009)

*Dear Dims,

Who knew you would be responsible for so many lost hours :doh:

Maybe you should come with a warning  lol

Yours
Chelle :kiss2:*


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 23, 2009)

Dear Dear In The Headlights & As Tall As Lions

Well, aren't y'all just a whole bunch of indie hotness? :wubu:

-Your newest fan


----------



## olwen (Mar 23, 2009)

Dear Flight of the Conchords, 

Please please don't let this be the last season. I love you guys so much, okay Jemaine, I love you more, but don't tell Brett that. It might hurt his feelings. It's because of you I now know the capital of New Zealand. I mean I've spent so much time getting to know you guys. All the songs and all the laughs...doesn't all that mean anything to you guys? Doesn't New Zealand's fourth most popular two man novelty band care about the fans? All I need is just one more season, just 10 more episodes. Please, pretty please with sugar on top.

Faithfully yours, 

O.


----------



## mulrooney13 (Mar 23, 2009)

Dear Best Buy,

I ordered Dance Dance Revolution 2 with pad for the Wii for my friend for her birthday.

You sent Wii Play with bonus remote.

That's not even close.

Signed,
Formerly gruntled consumer


----------



## Gingembre (Mar 24, 2009)

Dear Self,

Stop bearing your heart on internet forums. Especially when you're not very good at subtlety. 

- the clear-thinking despairing part of the brain
x


----------



## KHayes666 (Mar 24, 2009)

Dear outside world,

I'm barricading myself with a bottle of Dr. Pepper, a box of pop tarts and Resident Evil 5....be back in about 3 days


----------



## Famouslastwords (Mar 24, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear outside world,
> 
> I'm barricading myself with a bottle of Dr. Pepper, a box of pop tarts and Resident Evil 5....be back in about 3 days



Don't be a pussy and make it a 12-24 pack of Dr. Pepper. You're supposed to drink 64 oz of fluid every day.


----------



## Tanuki (Mar 24, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear outside world,
> 
> I'm barricading myself with a bottle of Dr. Pepper, a box of pop tarts and Resident Evil 5....be back in about 3 days



Sounds like a excellent plan!


----------



## Lovelyone (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear PB Oatmeal chocolate chip cookie recipe--
You should come with a warning label. You are just like Lay's potato chips..I cant just eat one. It's no wonder I am fat.
Terri


----------



## That1BigGirl (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear Girl in my English class-

You are a real dolt. I'm not sure you'll know what that means, which makes me giggle inside even harder. I'm sorry that you can't follow directions. I'm sorry you can't make a full sentence. I'm sorry I followed the directions and said, "Your topic is excellent, but you have many grammatical errors." I'm sorry that statement made you mad, but it was my luck I got to peer review your paper.

I'm also still laughing my ass off that you think malepregnancy.com is a legit medical site you are currently refusing to take out of your references, despite my plea to you to do some more research. No, I don't know it all. But I damn well know that's not a real site. Ah well. Your grade!

Love,
Frustrated because I have to read your paper again next week.




Dear Guy who's totally rocking my world:

I'm totally into you. Please continue to be funny, serious, silly and informative all in one package. I'm sorry about the wall, I promise not to do it again tomorrow. 

~TIBG


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear J-

So... I kinda miss talking to you every day. Just FYI.

-Samantha


----------



## Famouslastwords (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear Madam X,

I really wanted to say something...about your hair. I did. But I decided not to say anything because I really didn't wanna start a fight or hurt your feelings. Let me tell you though, those bangs did NOT go with that hair style. I hope you know how hard it was to hold my tongue. It really is better to go by if-you-can't-say-something-nice-than-don't-say-anything-at-all creed, really. Or shit, that's what I hope anyway.

Sincerely,

Not gonna snark


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear M,

Please stay away from work for a few days & spend the time with your dying mother. We are all old enough & ugly enough to run things without you for awhile.

My thoughts are with you :kiss2:


----------



## Rowan (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear IPhone,

I know you're lost somewhere in my room...why wont you let me find you??? Ive looked multiple times for hours for you since Sunday. I miss you


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 25, 2009)

Rowan said:


> Dear IPhone,
> 
> I know you're lost somewhere in my room...why wont you let me find you??? Ive looked multiple times for hours for you since Sunday. I miss you



Did you try calling yourself?


----------



## Victim (Mar 25, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Did you try calling yourself?



GEF, you're the only one here that would put it THERE...


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 25, 2009)

Victim said:


> GEF, you're the only one here that would put it THERE...




Lol, it's just the only way I can find my own phone sometimes


----------



## mergirl (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear Brain

Sorry for making you do two courses this year cause i know it is making you all fuzzy and tired when i know you would rather be having x-box fun and watching crap tv. Sorry that I have filled you with dread at the prospect of next year being filled with only Brain biology and nothing of social relevance, cause i know you hate that. I promise when i get my Bsc (hons) i will pay to have you checked out by a non cooncil shrink and you can play all the computer games you want..So dont give up on me..because without you i really am nothing..

Yours pleadingly 
My brain also with the help of neurology and fingers.


----------



## Spanky (Mar 25, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol, it's just the only way I can find my own phone sometimes



Gad, guilty as charged. 

We call them "senior moments". AND I DON"T MEAN HIGH SCHOOL, YOU YOUNGENS!!


----------



## mergirl (Mar 25, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol, it's just the only way I can find my own phone sometimes


Once i even thought about calling my remote control when it was lost!! 
i am a dick! I remembered you cant do that just a second later than my mouth said it though..so my friend knew how much of an idiot i can be too. It happened thus:
Friend-i cant find the remote control
me-oh, wait i'll phone it
me-i mean..baws..can i quickly invent a time machine and pretend that didnt happen.
Friend-hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.. you are a dick.
me-yes. Oh i found the remote.. i was sitting on it!
ahhhnnd End Scene!!


----------



## Blackjack (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear self,

Not quite sure what the deal is with this sudden burst of anxiety... but can you stop, please? I really don't want to deal with it right now. I can't afford to miss work today.

-Beej


----------



## QueenB (Mar 25, 2009)

dear _____ ,

am i really that bad of a person? all the mean things my aunt told me... is that what everyone else secretly thinks about me? 

i'm confused. i don't know what to do or how to approach this. all i really want to do is run away and go somewhere where no one knows who i am or where i've been. 

i'm sorry that i'm very fat and i'm sorry that it makes you mad. i'm sorry that i probably have pcos and i'm sorry that i don't have medical insurance anymore. i have disappointed you, but i really don't feel like apologizing.

-p


----------



## SamanthaNY (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear ____ & ___; 

I'm so glad you're gone. Please stay that way. 

Happily, 

S.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear ____ & ___; 

I'm so glad you're gone. Please stay that way. 

Happily, 

S.


----------



## mergirl (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear SamanthaNY

I always get paranoid your talking about me when you write to _________.
Actually i get paranoid when anyone writes anything bad to _________!!.
I realise this is very arogant and Carly Simon of me..what can i say i'm a paranoid person!
I never want to be ________ that person, ever, not to anyone..
Please if i ever am ________ that person can you just say, so that i get a head start on my smear campaign directed at you.

Yours suspiciously mer xx


----------



## SamanthaNY (Mar 25, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Dear SamanthaNY
> 
> I always get paranoid your talking about me when you write to _________.
> Actually i get paranoid when anyone writes anything bad to _________!!.
> ...


Dear mergirl; 

You're still here, so it's obviously not about you! Silly girl. I generally write these things just to vent my mind's attic, not to cause anyone who might read them any stress. 

And really, do you even _have _an apricot scarf? I think not. 

Fondly, 

S. 

P.S. The only non-positive thing I might write about you would have to do with your spelling of "maybe" .


----------



## Spanky (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear __________,

It IS about you. Don't believe _________, she does this all the time. Just ask _________, ___________ and especially ___________. Be sure to tell your friends __________ and ___________ but not __________ 'cause he's a jackass. 

Lub, 

spanky


----------



## mergirl (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear Samanthany

Have i seriously spelled maby 'maybe'? hahaha. I agree, that IS anoying. In my defence might i say that the typing/arguing part of my brain is faster than the spelling side. My paranoia is not rational..i think "hmm am i not here with my apricot scarf??"..anyway, i am glad you are venting cause its good for ya. I'm happy i found this wee thread..its kinna voyouristic and sad and happy and of course cathartic.

yours, a lessened paranoiac, mer x


----------



## Proner (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear friend,

It's not because we are close friends that you could ask me everything and attend me to do things that you can't or didn't want to do.
I wouldn't break our friendship but you must change attitude.


----------



## mergirl (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear Spanky

Did you hear what _______ said about you?? ______ said you had a _______ inch _____!!
Also that you _______ with ________ and did a _________ on her _______-!!!
You dirty _______!! 

Yours impressed but disgusted... mer x


----------



## Spanky (Mar 25, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Dear Spanky
> 
> Did you hear what _______ said about you?? ______ said you had a _______ inch _____!!
> Also that you _______ with ________ and did a _________ on her _______-!!!
> ...



Now see I didn't believe that one bit. Well, maby.


----------



## furious styles (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear _____,

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________!

____,

______


----------



## mergirl (Mar 25, 2009)

furious styles said:


> Dear _____,
> 
> ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________!
> 
> ...


Dear furious
 Why?? Why? why? *sobbing with snot dribbling*. I cant believe you would say such things about ME!!!!
Thats it i'm getting GD to bop you on your beak!!!!

Yours sad and raging, mergirl

p.s I never say 'bop'


----------



## Spanky (Mar 25, 2009)

furious styles said:


> Dear _____,
> 
> ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________!
> 
> ...



After 3046 posts, we finally get to the purest form. The final answer. 

The mods can now close the thread. This post speaks for itself. Literally.


----------



## Mathias (Mar 25, 2009)

Dear ______,

Did it ever occur to any one of you that maybe the reason you all are at each others throats is because we hang out too often? :confused

-Matt


----------



## SamanthaNY (Mar 25, 2009)

mergirl said:


> p.s I never say 'bop'



Yes you do. You just spell it all wrong so no one can actually tell. 

Neener neener.


----------



## mergirl (Mar 25, 2009)

Drearest smanathany

yu thunk yeur seeeew funny!! be bop pob biddly poop!!
Big wow! na na nana na!! tawk to ma hand!!

love and antidisestablishmentarianism xmirgerl


----------



## Spanky (Mar 25, 2009)

mergirl said:


> yu thunk yeur seeeew funny!!



Watch out, but you are channeling some Tow Mater. Probably with a slight Scottish brogue. 

Gadzooks that would be funny to hear. 

View attachment c-mater.jpeg


----------



## mergirl (Mar 25, 2009)

hey J

i heard it was your funeral today and that you packed the place. I just realised you were one of my bebo friends and i had never noticed until now. I should have said hello. I hadn't seen you for ages but you were one of the good guys and i will miss you. I noticed on your bebo you said you didnt want to get old but 26 was just too young. Cheers for helping me drink all those beers mate.

xlisa


----------



## CleverBomb (Mar 25, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Dear furious
> Why?? Why? why? *sobbing with snot dribbling*. I cant believe you would say such things about ME!!!!
> Thats it i'm getting GD to bop you on your beak!!!!
> 
> ...


Mmmm.....bop.

Or, you know, not.

-Rusty


----------



## Lovelyone (Mar 26, 2009)

Dear ****
Thanks for writing that long e-mail to me today. It cheered me up and brightened my day. I look forward to the next one. 

Friends always, T.


Dear bones- Please stop aching. I am doing my very best to keep you comfortable. I know, I know...scrubbing the walls and doing all that spring cleaning isn't helping..but it will be over soon and we will take a nice hot jacuzzi together. *smile* 

Dear Mom-
Please stop smoking. Its not good for you. The docs said that you shouldn't...and you make me worry. Please stop..if not for your sake, than for mine.


----------



## liz (di-va) (Mar 26, 2009)

Dear FAs,

Y'all rock. On days when I already feel lush and sexy in my own skin, you seem to make them better. I really appreciate that. It's fun. Plus it's just delicious. There is something really hot and really sweet about evolved yet nicely horndog big girl lust.

We may still not have little lapel pins that can identify us all to each other in this life, but if I've got a dorky smirk on my face while I watch you watch me walk by, feel free to say hi.

Woo woo,
Me

p.s. I am really awful at flirting, but I like it. If you end up scratching your head in confusion or nursing a broken toe or wondering why I'm laughing too long at my own bad jokes or think I seem shy, please don't give up.


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (Mar 26, 2009)

Dear self,

I can't believe you let a (just turned) 7 year old make you cry today at work, even out of frustration.

Me


----------



## Fluffy51888 (Mar 26, 2009)

Dear March 27th,

Could you be any slower?? Please, please hurry up!

Love,
Lauren


----------



## Rowan (Mar 26, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Did you try calling yourself?



Yep..thats the first thing I tried thinking id hear it vibrate and find it that way (ive done that before) but it goes directly to voicemail...so it's lost and alone dead somewhere  My mom said she'll go through my room and look for it for me today thinking maybe i just didnt see it, you know how that goes, but if she can't find it we thankfully have a brand new blackberry she had bought for an ex boyfriend that she took back that's just sitting unused we'll activate. My mom says that if she finds it I have to have a betty ford month and stop drinking for 30 days. lol

I miss having my phone..i feel naked


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Mar 26, 2009)

Dear NJ Bash Dress,

I know you're out there; the perfect evening dress for me. The gown that will seem like I spent serious money to get the Red Carpet look without making me spend as such. 

Something slit up to here (or perhaps down to there). The one that make folks either swoon or swear. You will cling to my curves, my thunderous thighs. Enhance my bust to cause ardent lust. Make me yours as much as I want to make you mine! Oh, co-ordinating shoes and clutch would also be fine! 

~Wicked


----------



## mossystate (Mar 26, 2009)

Dear guys who only post on the paysite board, and then comes to a non-sexual forum to find a thread talking about ' regular ' stuff and feel a need to make sleazy, inappropriate comments,


Stop.


Thanks, 

Mossystate


----------



## Famouslastwords (Mar 26, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Dear guys who only post on the paysite board, and then comes to a non-sexual forum to find a thread talking about ' regular ' stuff and feel a need to make sleazy, inappropriate comments,
> 
> 
> Stop.
> ...



You must spread some rep around before giving it to mossy again. ; ;


----------



## SMA413 (Mar 26, 2009)

Famouslastwords said:


> You must spread some rep around before giving it to mossy again. ; ;



Got her for ya. 


Dear Troy-

what.the.fuck.

Seriously? I'm gonna give you a pass and pretend that you didn't just say the L word to me. 

On Yahoo messenger. 

After not talking for 3 months.

-Samantha/The person that does NOT return the sentiments...


----------



## Mathias (Mar 26, 2009)

Dear, ESA, Rockstar, Rockstar North, Hal Halpin, Take Two,

A certain disbarred Miami attorney is now and has been slandering your products for years. You know what he says isn't true, so do something about it.

Signed,

A gamer.


----------



## fatgirlflyin (Mar 26, 2009)

Dear Mt. Redoubt, 

Please just get it over with already. 


-Grumpy airline employee


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (Mar 26, 2009)

Dear Bladder,

Why is it you always insist on need emptying when I have my bathers on? 

Signed Annoyed


----------



## shinyapple (Mar 27, 2009)

Dear Youngest Sister -

While I still find it absolutely ridiculous that you, a chronically unemployed single mother of one, purchased a late model SUV for around $30K, I do want to thank you for basically abandoning it at your exboyfriend's house when you skipped the state on your latest bipolar freak out.

While it was a pain in the a$$ to drive the 50 or so miles to pick it up, it's been kinda fun to drive...once I got over feeling like I'd tip it by standing on the running boards to hoist myself into the behemoth. The smell of smoke is starting to dissipate slowly from your lovely leather interior. The 5.7L Hemi under the hood is killer. I can barely go under eighty on the freeway without paying close attention. The stereo system sounds awesome too.

I'm really going to hate giving it up when Middle Sister comes in a little over a week to drive it back to WA. Hoo boy...you are gonna be PISSED when you find out she's refinanced it in her name, but such are the prices one pays when you get dad to finance it for you and then decide to disappear.

Anyway...thanks for your irresponsibility. For once, it's meant a little bit of fun cruising for me and a much needed new car for S and her kids. 

Annoyedly but oddly thankfully yours, 

Oldest Sister


----------



## URTalking2Jenn (Mar 27, 2009)

I hate moving. I have way too much stuff. 

I guess this is a good time to weed though my stuff. Man, so many clothes to get rid of.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 27, 2009)

Dear Parents,

I work in CHILDREN'S dental office. Please stop explaining to me how your child goes to school. I realize that most children do attend school....do you realize it yourself or did you think your child is unique in that regard? 

Signed, 
Bored and aggravated receptionist


P.S. I have a life outside of that office....I actually DO have children myself so I understand a hella lot better than you seem to realize.


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (Mar 27, 2009)

Dear Brain,

Please stop thinking about it. It happened & you now can't change the results. Get the fark over it!!


Yours The rest of your body.


----------



## CAMellie (Mar 27, 2009)

Dear M.,

I'm done trying. You took an instant dislike/hatred of me after a 30 second meeting. Well, you know what? Fuck you, too!


Melanie


----------



## kayrae (Mar 28, 2009)

Dear hot and cold, 

I don't know how you manage to take my attention away from anyone who's actually interested in me. WTF was last night all about? This wishy washy behavior is just grrr... Please leave me alone if you're going to play games!!!


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (Mar 28, 2009)

kayrae said:


> Dear hot and cold,
> 
> I don't know how you manage to take my attention away from anyone who's actually interested in me. WTF was last night all about? This wishy washy behavior is just grrr... Please leave me alone if you're going to play games!!!





*{{{{{ kayrae }}}}}*


----------



## frankman (Mar 28, 2009)

Dear Boss

You do know I'm writing this stuff in your time, don't you? You do understand that if you give me an assignment that takes about 3 hours to do, and say I can take the rest of the week to finish it, you're paying me just to show up. So WHY are you so pissed about these little insignificant things? Stop bitching about S. and R.'s cigarette breaks that take all of 3 minutes, bathroom breaks, coffee breaks. Stop taking your messed up weekends out on her. I'm doing NOTHING here. R. and S.'s breaks are the least of your worries.

Signed, Employee

PS: Nobody's leaving the lights in the bathroom on: it's a motion sensor operated light that shuts itself off.


----------



## mossystate (Mar 28, 2009)

Dear Monique, 

Do not reply to that thread. Do not reply to that thread. Do not reply to that thread. Replying will be futile, and not the normal kind of futile.


Monique


----------



## Paquito (Mar 28, 2009)

Dear Monique - 

please tell me the thread so I can leave a comment in it. Sure it may be futile, but I'm in that kind of mood.

Hopeful -
free


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 28, 2009)

Dear Monique,

It's probably a thread that has been going on for days now and I have NO CLUE it is there. Why do you tease me this way? 

Moi


----------



## Suze (Mar 28, 2009)

Dear _audio preview_ feature on youtube
You're the best thing since ketchup!


- I


----------



## MisticalMisty (Mar 28, 2009)

Dear _______,

Thank you for spending the last 6 hours chatting with me...getting me to think you were actually interested in me...and then disappearing when I wouldn't agree to let the conversation go sexual.

Thanks for that.

Sincerely,

A "tired of the games" fat girl


----------



## mossystate (Mar 28, 2009)

free2beme04 said:


> Dear Monique -
> 
> please tell me the thread so I can leave a comment in it. Sure it may be futile, but I'm in that kind of mood.
> 
> ...





Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Monique,
> 
> It's probably a thread that has been going on for days now and I have NO CLUE it is there. Why do you tease me this way?
> 
> Moi




Check your PM boxes!


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 28, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Check your PM boxes!



Yeah....I checked it alright....and?


----------



## Paquito (Mar 28, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Yeah....I checked it alright....and?



Monique, why must you tease me with PMs that aren't there?
You hurt me


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 28, 2009)

free2beme04 said:


> Monique, why must you tease me with PMs that aren't there?
> You hurt me



I told you she is a tease......let's go back to PM'ing each other about her now.....


----------



## Paquito (Mar 28, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I told you she is a tease......let's go back to PM'ing each other about her now.....



Otherwise known as our typical Saturday nights 
the only thing missing is the ...cheesecake....


----------



## Slamaga (Mar 28, 2009)

Dear love,

I wonder why you are so complicated? I try to please you. you say to me to be honest with myself. I do so, you say to me I'm not spontaneous and too realist. I'm trying to be mysterious, you say I'm too strange and weird. I conformise myself, you say I'm boring. I try to be open to everything and implicated into everything, you say you can't stand the speed of my life. I think about your needs, you say I'm dependant. I try to be independant, you say I'm indifferent and that I'm not trying to please you...

And the cycle continues down and down to the point where I see there's just me. But like every one of us, I can't live without love, even the one of my friends, the one of the people around me. So I'm going down and down, but with the hope to take you with me, love, to the golden cave in the profoundness of my soul.


----------



## frankman (Mar 28, 2009)

Slamaga said:


> Dear love,
> 
> I wonder why you are so complicated? I try to please you. you say to me to be honest with myself. I do so, you say to me I'm not spontaneous and too realist. I'm trying to be mysterious, you say I'm too strange and weird. I conformise myself, you say I'm boring. I try to be open to everything and implicated into everything, you say you can't stand the speed of my life. I think about your needs, you say I'm dependant. I try to be independant, you say I'm indifferent and that I'm not trying to please you...



I know these letters are supposed to be rhetorical, but this *points to quote* does not sound like an ideal relationship. Perhaps (and this is a really big perhaps, as in: a giant maybe covered in an if possible) this would be a good thing to say to the "love" in person, as in real life?

On the other hand, never trust stuff you read on the internet...


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 29, 2009)

free2beme04 said:


> Otherwise known as our typical Saturday nights
> the only thing missing is the ...cheesecake....




I have seen Monique's cheesecake......


----------



## mossystate (Mar 29, 2009)

free2beme04 said:


> You hurt me



Those words make my heart sing.



Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I have seen Monique's cheesecake......



* hands you the ' cottage ' you seemed to have dropped *


----------



## Mathias (Mar 29, 2009)

To my roommates,

It's three o clock in the morning. I'd like to go to bed at some point. Go be shitfaced somewhere else!! 

-Matt


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 29, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Those words make my heart sing.
> 
> 
> 
> * hands you the ' cottage ' you seemed to have dropped *



You have me turned on again...but you know that, you fiery minx......:wubu:


----------



## Lovelyone (Mar 29, 2009)

Dear Me
You are cold, tired and cranky. Go to bed dumb ass, and stop reading the forums.
Sincerely, YOU.


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (Mar 30, 2009)

Dear Period Pain,

FARK OFF!!!


Thanks & have a nice day.


----------



## mszwebs (Mar 30, 2009)

Dear dude:

How about some fucking tact and let's NOT open a conversation with "Have you weighed yourself lately?"

Other things not to ask, when not receiving an answer to the first question include:

*If you could guess, what do you think your weight is now?

*Do you think its a gain from this winter?


I DON'T KNOW!!!!

OK, maybe I do. But there are people I will share that with and YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THEM.

So if that was what you were expecting, after crawling out of the woodwork, that's a big fucking negatory. 

Idiot.

~ Me


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Mar 30, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Dear dude:
> 
> How about some fucking tact and let's NOT open a conversation with "Have you weighed yourself lately?"
> 
> ...



you been talking to Corky Feldman again?


----------



## Victim (Mar 30, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> you been talking to Corky Feldman again?



Or perhaps Dorky Wankman.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Mar 30, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Dear dude:
> 
> How about some fucking tact and let's NOT open a conversation with "Have you weighed yourself lately?"
> 
> ...



I only have two words to say about this:

Stealth settings


----------



## Spanky (Mar 31, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Dear dude:
> 
> How about some fucking tact and let's NOT open a conversation with "Have you weighed yourself lately?"
> 
> ...



Meh. Don't believe this bag of lies above. 

Men can be so obtuse. 

I like starting my convos with mszwebs with "Have you seen the Packers record lately?"

Then a week later, after another last minute loss, and no answer from the last question, I humbly offer, "If you could guess, do you think they will make the playoffs?"

Then "Do you think this is a single season major league sucking or a sucking trend destined to go far into the Obama administration?"


I never get an answer. Just semi naked picsof her in the Wisconsin snow.......when it is like 5 freakin' degrees. 

Then she wants me to guess her weight. 

Often.

Gad. :doh:







<spanky is soooo dead>


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Mar 31, 2009)

Dear Dims Readers:

Perhaps I'm just overly paranoid. I certainly hope this doesn't even pertain to the majority of those who might read this. But, after learning about it tonight, I feel compelled to inform those of the possible threat of the Conficker Virus. From what I've read, it's apparently just a ticking time bomb on your computer, set to go off 4/1/2009. That be this Wednesday, folks! I am certain there are better experts on here that can better explain the issue at hand, its severity, and the solutions one can take. It sounds like Updating Windows and its "Microsoft Malicious Software Removal Tool", or using the "Windows Live OneCare Safety Scanner", will take care of things just fine (I've used the OneCare Safety Scanner before, and was satisfied with it). It also sounds less likely that home/personal-use computers will be affected. So there's a good chance I'm bringing this to people's attention for no reason. But I'd rather bring it up and be called a fool, than to let slip what might be valuable information to certain people.

I started my search here, on Snopes. http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/conficker.asp

Hoping this is "just a drill" -
Mark


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Mar 31, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Meh. Don't believe this bag of lies above.
> 
> Men can be so obtuse.
> 
> ...


_*
Can this be considered a case of "suicide by proxy"? *_


----------



## soleil3313 (Apr 1, 2009)

Dear Semester, 

I can't wait until you're over. Then I'll be able to breath for about a week before I take a deep breath and take the plunge into summer classes. That will be a sweet sweet week.......

Sincerely, 

Chuggin' Along


----------



## frankman (Apr 3, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Meh. Don't believe this bag of lies above.
> 
> Men can be so obtuse.
> 
> ...



So Spanky, just for future reference, how many football questions does one have to ask to potentially steer the conversation towards casual sex? Do you have to guess her weight correctly?

Most importantly, does it have to be football?


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (Apr 3, 2009)

Dear TraciJo,

I love getting rep from you and I love making you LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 but look what ya did, my User CP is now stretched to capacity. 

YOU FEEDER! YOU DONE WIDENED MY PAGE! 

*kiss on the cheek* ;-) I forgive you. *pets*

officially creeped out by myself, 

Justin


----------



## kayrae (Apr 3, 2009)

hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Apr 3, 2009)

Dear TJ and BGB:

Get a room already. I'm about ready to ask for an insulin shot.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Apr 3, 2009)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Dear TJ and BGB:
> 
> *Get a room already*. I'm about ready to ask for an insulin shot.



Dear Admiral_Snacktart,

I know that this may come as a shock to you -- nay, perhaps even a life-altering revelation -- but men and women are actually capable of mutual respect and/or admiration with ... get ready for it, it's a real corker ... _no sexual overture at all._ It's called friendship. 

Also, you are one to talk about open flirtation to the n factor (when "n" represents the power to induce full-out nausea in those who stumble across said open flirtation).


----------



## mossystate (Apr 3, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Admiral_Snacktart,
> 
> I know that this may come as a shock to you -- nay, perhaps even a life-altering revelation -- but men and women are actually capable of mutual respect and/or admiration with ... get ready for it, it's a real corker ... _no sexual overture at all._ It's called friendship.
> 
> Also, you are one to talk about open flirtation to the n factor (when "n" represents the power to induce full-out nausea in those who stumble across said open flirtation).



* christ on a vespa...I have decided to erase what I typed *


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2009)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Dear TraciJo,
> 
> I love getting rep from you and I love making you LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> ...



<<is creeped out too


----------



## gypsy (Apr 3, 2009)

Dear Everything,

Just Piss Off.

Signed,

Unruly Grouch


----------



## Victim (Apr 3, 2009)

mossystate said:


> * christ on a vespa...I have decided to erase what I typed *



A Vespa? What happened to the pogo stick?!? Must be that cursed Consumer Products Safety Commission again...


----------



## mossystate (Apr 3, 2009)

Victim said:


> A Vespa? What happened to the pogo stick?!? Must be that cursed Consumer Products Safety Commission again...



I know nothing about a pogo stick. Must have been something he did just for you.


----------



## MisticalMisty (Apr 3, 2009)

Dear Creator of the plastic shower stall,

FUCK YOU. Bastard(ess).

I hope you have to spend eternity trying to clean one..it sucks balls, BALLS I tell you.

Signed,

Fat girl who just spent an hour trying to get her plastic tub clean.


----------



## Your Plump Princess (Apr 4, 2009)

Dear Other "Prom" Goers at the Homeschool Association Prom,

I don't Fucking Know you.
You don't Know Me.

You Better not start a damn thing over me wearing skulls, having a tattoo, or being fat.

I will not hesitate to rip you a new asshole, and proceed to shove your head up it where it belongs.



Apprehensivly Yours,
Megan


----------



## SamanthaNY (Apr 4, 2009)

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Other "Prom" Goers at the Homeschool Association Prom,
> 
> I don't Fucking Know you.
> You don't Know Me.
> ...



Dear Megan: 

That's not apprehension, it's aggression. You're asking for trouble with that attitude because you've already planned how people are going to treat you, without even giving them a chance. If you go in with a "fuck you" look on your face, you're giving people no option but to respond in kind, or at best - avoid you like the plague you appear to be (by displaying that crappy atttitude). 

Ease up. Be comfortable and happy with the way you portray yourself, and you'll get a much more positive reception. Proms are supposed to be happy events, right? So look forward to the happy, instead of anticipating everything else that might not even occur.

S.


----------



## frankman (Apr 4, 2009)

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Other "Prom" Goers at the Homeschool Association Prom,
> 
> I don't Fucking Know you.
> You don't Know Me.
> ...



Wow, I didn't even know homeschooled people had proms...
Do they have basketball teams and class presidents too?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 4, 2009)

Dear MisticalMisty,

It took a lot of effort....but I managed to refrain from posting about balls after reading your letter.


Just thought you should know about the upheaval you caused in my small world. 


GEF


----------



## mossystate (Apr 4, 2009)

Dear you, 

So, how does it feel to have it done to you. Do you like it? Is it everything you thought it would be?

Enjoy. Oh, and, choke on it. :blush:


Monique


----------



## fatgirlflyin (Apr 4, 2009)

Dear Sun, 

Thank you thank you thank you thank you for coming out to play today! This California girl has missed you something awful.


----------



## Shosh (Apr 4, 2009)

Dear Poor Dear,

I would be sad if I were a bitter middle aged underacheiver also. 


:blush:

Cheer up!

S.


----------



## Your Plump Princess (Apr 4, 2009)

frankman said:


> Wow, I didn't even know homeschooled people had proms...
> Do they have basketball teams and class presidents too?


I didn't expect it, either.
I Had gotten used to the fact that I'd never have a prom.
And then this.

And I'm Bitter towards the christians in this neighborhood, and teenagers. I've seen too much hypocrosy and superficial kindness.


I'm going in with my happy social mask on, though.
So I hope things will go swimmingly.

P.S. - 

I always assume the worst.
That way, when it -doesn't- happen. I'm happy. And If it does happen, I'm not shocked.
I Have issues about being in public without someone I know.
And from the sounds of it, I'll be going alone. 
..Oh. Joy. 

... ;3


----------



## steely (Apr 4, 2009)

I think the key to happiness is low expectations.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Apr 4, 2009)

Dear person who recently questioned an observation that I made,

Please see above. And give some consideration to whether I may just possibly know of whence I speak.

Sign me,
The Keen One


----------



## Your Plump Princess (Apr 5, 2009)

Dear Dad

Please Spend More Time With Me
I'm Scared we won't spend much time together, and I'll go away to college, and something will happen to you.


Paranoidly/Terrifiedly/Worringly/Lovingly Yours,
Me.


----------



## Your Plump Princess (Apr 5, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear person who recently questioned an observation that I made,
> 
> Please see above. And give some consideration to whether I may just possibly know of whence I speak.
> 
> ...


Dear Keen One,

You Got me.
I Concede.
And Apologize for replying, and my initial 'letter' in general.

Singed with the ut-most Sincerety,
The Oddball


----------



## TraciJo67 (Apr 5, 2009)

Your Plump Princess said:


> Dear Keen One,
> 
> You Got me.
> I Concede.
> ...



Dear PP,

I wasn't referring to your letter. 

Signed with the ut-most of utmost,
The Keen One


----------



## Your Plump Princess (Apr 5, 2009)

............. *Facepalm*

*Utter Look of shock/horror and the ut-most shame/embarassment for having mixed up peoples Usernames* 


I .. . 


Dear Self,

Get Your Damn Glasses Already, And Start Sleeping For a change.

Kthnxbi,
You


----------



## mossystate (Apr 5, 2009)

Dear TraciVaJoJo,

Were you just pretending to be me?

You sly fox.

You old hag. 


Signed,
The Clean One ( I followed your REP advice )


----------



## TraciJo67 (Apr 5, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Dear TraciVaJoJo,
> 
> Were you just pretending to be me?
> 
> ...



Dearest Mossy the Thing,

I know I am but what are you?

Enigma wrapped up in a mystery disguised as a finger shoved in a nostril and then promptly photographed for all the world to view. 

And in no way would I ever pretend to be you, Oh Mossy Thing. I was *channeling* you 

Luv,
The Keen One


----------



## MisticalMisty (Apr 5, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear MisticalMisty,
> 
> It took a lot of effort....but I managed to refrain from posting about balls after reading your letter.
> 
> ...


Dear Caroline,

You can talk about balls any day around me..I don't mind 

In fact..I got to enjoy some last night  and will probably enjoy them a little more later today!

Misty


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 5, 2009)

MisticalMisty said:


> Dear Caroline,
> 
> You can talk about balls any day around me..I don't mind
> 
> ...


LOLOL...I posted in my blog yesterday about finally getting some myself. Gawd, I'm so happy :happy: 

I probably would have been jealous if I hadn't 

You're my kind of gal, Misty


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 5, 2009)

steely said:


> I think the key to happiness is low expectations.



Dear Steely,

This made me laugh. It's sad but true.

Sincerely
Moi


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Apr 5, 2009)

Dear Family,

I love you all dearly but you're driving me nuts! 

Love,
Nancy 

PS...I don't care who you're not speaking to at the moment! You _all_ better be here for Easter!


----------



## URTalking2Jenn (Apr 5, 2009)

Dear Hume People,

I'm so happy to be here. Thanks for the warm welcome. I hope I don't let you guys down. I know you are short 3 people, but I don't think 1 Jenn=3 people workload. 

Me

~I miss SF and K alot.


----------



## mergirl (Apr 6, 2009)

Dear mossy the thing and tracijo67 the thang.

I would like to see a documentary which follows you both for a year just sitting on a porch with a shotgun and a bottle of bourbon chatting to each other. So can you please make this happen. thanks.
mer the beautiful, wise and wonderful, lord god made me all ifuul.


----------



## mossystate (Apr 6, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Dear mossy the thing and tracijo67 the thang.
> 
> I would like to see a documentary which follows you both for a year just sitting on a porch with a shotgun and a bottle of bourbon chatting to each other. So can you please make this happen. thanks.
> mer the beautiful, wise and wonderful, lord god made me all ifuul.




* yanks the bottle away from TraciVaJoJo...takes a monster swig...aims...blasts mer's clay pot to bits *

fill that

I mean...GREAT idea!...but, I call dibs on the gun. Traci has shifty eyes. This would be like Grey Gardens Gone Wild.


----------



## mergirl (Apr 6, 2009)

mossystate said:


> * yanks the bottle away from TraciVaJoJo...takes a monster swig...aims...blasts mer's clay pot to bits *
> 
> fill that
> 
> I mean...GREAT idea!...but, I call dibs on the gun. Traci has shifty eyes. This would be like Grey Gardens Gone Wild.


My fookin pot! Now my emptyness has gone spilled everywhere!! 
See this is the kind of shotgun action i'm talking about.. we need the smashing of chinese wisdom to get bums in seats!!
hmm..ok.. you can get the gun, maby then the documentary would last longer..
excellent.


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Apr 6, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Dear mossy the thing and tracijo67 the thang.
> 
> I would like to see a documentary which follows you both for a year just sitting on a porch with a shotgun and a bottle of bourbon chatting to each other. So can you please make this happen. thanks.
> mer the beautiful, wise and wonderful, lord god made me all ifuul.





mossystate said:


> * yanks the bottle away from TraciVaJoJo...takes a monster swig...aims...blasts mer's clay pot to bits *
> 
> fill that
> 
> I mean...GREAT idea!...but, I call dibs on the gun. Traci has shifty eyes. This would be like Grey Gardens Gone Wild.





mergirl said:


> My fookin pot! Now my emptyness has gone spilled everywhere!!
> See this is the kind of shotgun action i'm talking about.. we need the smashing of chinese wisdom to get bums in seats!!
> hmm..ok.. you can get the gun, maby then the documentary would last longer..
> excellent.




*MAN! I'd pay for that channel - LOL!*


----------



## mergirl (Apr 6, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> *MAN! I'd pay for that channel - LOL!*


I KNOW!! what are we waiting for Tj and Moss. (your stage names..erm though also equally your 'gay' names! lmao). 
Lets get this JD drinkin, pot smashin, chair rockin, shot gunnin show on the road!!


----------



## TraciJo67 (Apr 6, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Dear mossy the thing and tracijo67 the thang.
> 
> I would like to see a documentary which follows you both for a year just sitting on a porch with a shotgun and a bottle of bourbon chatting to each other. So can you please make this happen. thanks.
> mer the beautiful, wise and wonderful, lord god made me all ifuul.



Dear mergirl,

I'm aghast. How dare you reduce me to nothing more than a caricature ... and then, adding insult to injury, assign the best role to Mossy the Thing? 

I don't envision a shotgun, a porch, OR a bottle of bourbon in my near future. I'm thinking classier. Something along the lines of ... a trailer park, a plastic lawn chair, and a cooler filled with jello shots. That is the dream that I live for.


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Apr 6, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear mergirl,
> 
> I'm aghast. How dare you reduce me to nothing more than a caricature ... and then, adding insult to injury, assign the best role to Mossy the Thing?
> 
> I don't envision a shotgun, a porch, OR a bottle of bourbon in my near future. I'm thinking classier. Something along the lines of ... a trailer park, a plastic lawn chair, and a cooler filled with jello shots. That is the dream that I live for.







*Damn skippy Tracijo! Yoo go 'n' show 'em gurl! Youse gots youse sum class dagnabit and deys bedda reccanize!*


----------



## mossystate (Apr 6, 2009)

I say we toss haggis at the folks passing our porch ( I would kill to have a house with a big old porch ).

We would still need a weapons permit, but, pffffffft.

Traci, you were not reduced...your sauce was already pure salt.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Apr 6, 2009)

_Gloom, despair and agony on me!
Deep dark depression, incessant misery!
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!
__Gloom, despair and agony on me!_



mergirl said:


> Dear mossy the thing and tracijo67 the thang.
> 
> I would like to see a documentary which follows you both for a year just sitting on a porch with a shotgun and a bottle of bourbon chatting to each other. So can you please make this happen. thanks.
> mer the beautiful, wise and wonderful, lord god made me all ifuul.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Apr 6, 2009)

Dear #1 Son:

Please note first that I love you. Secondly, I am quite happy that we no longer name our children after significant events or behaviors that make them special, otherwise your name might have been _Coitus Interruptus_ Snackbar.

Revenge shall be mine, sayeth my balls.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Apr 6, 2009)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> _Gloom, despair and agony on me!
> Deep dark depression, incessant misery!
> If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!
> __Gloom, despair and agony on me!_



Well golly gee willikers, Snackie. I'm hurt. I mean, *we're* hurt (spokesperson here). Reading this, one would assume that you haven't incessantly hit on deep dark depression AND incessant misery to the point of agonizing absurdity. You mean, you really *don't* like us? 

Pout.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Apr 6, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Well golly gee willikers, Snackie. I'm hurt. I mean, *we're* hurt (spokesperson here). Reading this, one would assume that you haven't incessantly hit on deep dark depression AND incessant misery to the point of agonizing absurdity. You mean, you really *don't* like us?
> 
> Pout.


Context. We apologize for the inconvenience.


----------



## mergirl (Apr 6, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear mergirl,
> 
> I'm aghast. How dare you reduce me to nothing more than a caricature ... and then, adding insult to injury, assign the best role to Mossy the Thing?
> 
> I don't envision a shotgun, a porch, OR a bottle of bourbon in my near future. I'm thinking classier. Something along the lines of ... a trailer park, a plastic lawn chair, and a cooler filled with jello shots. That is the dream that I live for.



You forgot about the Pink flamingo!!!



mossystate said:


> I say we toss haggis at the folks passing our porch ( I would kill to have a house with a big old porch ).
> 
> We would still need a weapons permit, but, pffffffft.
> 
> Traci, you were not reduced...your sauce was already pure salt.



Erm..There will be NO tossing of haggis.. They cost money you know!! Also, i will be far to drunk to even watch the moss n jo hillbillies.. i will just reach inside myself and throw my blackened liver for yoose both to shoot at!! Well for mossy to shoot at.. (sorry traci.. i just dont trust you with a fire arm.. a water pistol..maby)

You know, in my head..i was thinking more 'colour purple' than 'john waters'.. but now i think of it.. aye..get the plastic chairs out harpies!!!!


----------



## mergirl (Apr 6, 2009)

dear mossy..

Is that a wolf shagging a sheep? What is this cartian nightmare?
I yearn for a gun at times..

Mer. a non sheep shagging city girl with limits!!!


----------



## Surlysomething (Apr 6, 2009)

Dear short work week

Can you please go by extra fast? I'm super-exhausted and need my TEN DAYS OFF IN A ROW.

Please?

C'mon...


Thanks
Tina


----------



## SMA413 (Apr 6, 2009)

Dear J-
"I want to buy you flowers or something just to see you smile" ?!?
Thanks for reminding me why I'm so effin' crazy about you.
:wubu:
- Me


----------



## Shosh (Apr 7, 2009)

Dear deary me,

Jealousy is a curse. It does no good to be jealous of another who is happy and has friends, and who people like and admire.

Such jealousy will only eat you alive, because it is certainly not effecting me. 

I shall just go on as normal, making friends, laughing and being happy.

I know that that just kills you, but you will just have to deal with it.

I do not know what the answer is, but I have heard that dogs are good therapy. They will bring happiness to your heart.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Apr 7, 2009)

Dear Guy In My Dream,

Hi...I had a wonderful time last night. I don't know which was better, you and I digging for coins in the sand at the gas station or making out in the ocean. Certainly, the time you followed me into the old west saloon complete with bales of hay was nice. I liked it when you stared at me from across the room and then came over to introduce yourself to me and my friend. Oddly enough I didn't seem to mind when she disappeared in the next instant. 

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I had a great time and hope we can do it again. If you showed up in the real world that would be awesome but I'd be ok with another dream world meeting too. 

Your dream girl,
Nancy


----------



## TraciJo67 (Apr 7, 2009)

Dear Susannah,

Do you really think that posting something like this wins a popularity contest? It seems rather petty and mean-spirited to me. And, whether or not people will tell you this directly, I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. Isn't the best revenge just quietly living your life in a way that is meaningful to you? You're diminishing yourself by posting something like this. 







Susannah said:


> Dear deary me,
> 
> Jealousy is a curse. It does no good to be jealous of another who is happy and has friends, and who people like and admire.
> 
> ...


----------



## Carrie (Apr 7, 2009)

Just a thought: I would guess that letters of thinly-veiled passive aggressiveness to other posters in this heretofore wonderful thread will probably ultimately get it locked down, just as what happened with the old thread for random complaints. I mean, do we really need to start a new thread called "oy, it's letters to NON-DIMS RELATED GRIPING people and things!"? Really? Because that seems pretty sad. We're all adults here.


----------



## Carrie (Apr 7, 2009)

NancyGirl74 said:


> Dear Guy In My Dream,
> 
> Hi...I had a wonderful time last night. I don't know which was better, you and I digging for coins in the sand at the gas station or making out in the ocean. Certainly, the time you followed me into the old west saloon complete with bales of hay was nice. I liked it when you stared at me from across the room and then came over to introduce yourself to me and my friend. Oddly enough I didn't seem to mind when she disappeared in the next instant.
> 
> ...



Dear Universe,

Please hook me up with one of these great FA date dreams, thanksverymuch. 

Sincerely,
Me.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Apr 7, 2009)

Carrie said:


> Just a thought: I would guess that letters of thinly-veiled passive aggressiveness to other posters in this heretofore wonderful thread will probably ultimately get it locked down, just as what happened with the old thread for random complaints. I mean, do we really need to start a new thread called "oy, it's letters to NON-DIMS RELATED GRIPING people and things!"? Really? Because that seems pretty sad. We're all adults here.


This. 

Everyone blows off steam every once in a while, and that's fine. I *like* to have a place to do that. But lately the posts are too often, too nasty and too direct. It's gotten out of hand and I'd rather not have our future posting opportunities restricted AGAIN because some people go overboard.


----------



## mszwebs (Apr 8, 2009)

Dear Thighs,

I know you're hungry like everything else I've got, but STOP EATING MY PANTS!!!

They have to LAST. I can not make it through the rest of this week, Next weekend, the bash AND 2 weeks of casual if you keep eating HOLES IN ALL MY JEANS.

Don't make me get rid of you...

~ al;kfjskldfjsldfkjasd;lfjk



Conversely...

Dear Jeans,

Come on. No. COME ON. I can not afford to replace you with the frequency that I have been, and if you don't want to end up being cut up for scraps to repair your fallen brethren, you'll knock it off.

Do you WANT to go on Vacation? Because I can fix it so you don't go.

If the thighs tempt you with the rubbing together thing...I know you can't resist, but just try and pretend to be a little more sturdy, ok? Oh, and don't let the fact that you're Denim Lite make you think that you have an excuse.

I will repair you this time, but I shan't do it again.

Naked without you,

:bow: ~Me :bow:


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Apr 8, 2009)

Dearest Persephone,

Because you couldn't resist that pomegranate you must spend some time each year with that hot-headed husband of yours according to godly rules. We get it, really, we do; you have your needs too, but ummm remember us bitch? It's been officially spring for over two weeks now! Our patience with this cold shit is gone. 

Besides your mama misses you too. She knows it's time for you to come home because she teases us with a touch of warmth expecting your return, but then you don't show up and she's back to freezing our tails off again. We don't fault her either, but COME ON ALREADY! 

Finish getting your jollies off with Hades and get your hot ass up here so Demeter can start seriously warming some shit up already! 

Signed,
Your Faithful but Fucking Freezing Minions


----------



## mergirl (Apr 8, 2009)

haha.. brilliant!! We need to write a book 'Letters to goddesses'!! 
Fab!
Oh also, for years i used to pronounce her- percy phone!


----------



## Lovelyone (Apr 8, 2009)

Dear Susannah-I can totally relate your post about jealousy. I am sometimes jealous of things/friends/ lives that other people have. I've written letter forms to myself to remind me that sometimes I can have feelings that I don't understand, too. You just have to remind yourself that jealousy is a legitimate feeling but not to let it consume you. When I get this way I think about the things in my life that others might not have...friends, family, a roof over my head, I don't go hungry like some children do each day, etc. Sometimes when I count the small blessings that I have--the jealousy that I have dissipates and the things that others have don't seem to matter as much.


----------



## gypsy (Apr 8, 2009)

Carrie said:


> Just a thought: I would guess that letters of thinly-veiled passive aggressiveness to other posters in this heretofore wonderful thread will probably ultimately get it locked down, just as what happened with the old thread for random complaints. I mean, do we really need to start a new thread called "oy, it's letters to NON-DIMS RELATED GRIPING people and things!"? Really? Because that seems pretty sad. We're all adults here.



Dear Cawwie,

Um, yeah, probably, because some sure don't realise what being an adult means! lol

Luv,

moi

PS, This post is neither thinly veiled, or passive aggressive against anyone in particular here. It's just the facts.


----------



## gypsy (Apr 8, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> This.
> 
> Everyone blows off steam every once in a while, and that's fine. I *like* to have a place to do that. But lately the posts are too often, too nasty and too direct. It's gotten out of hand and I'd rather not have our future posting opportunities restricted AGAIN because some people go overboard.



Dear Sammie,

FFS, bite me, ya wench.

Love,

Person-you-may-Pummel. :kiss2:


----------



## frankman (Apr 8, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Dearest Persephone,
> 
> Because you couldn't resist that pomegranate you must spend some time each year with that hot-headed husband of yours according to godly rules. We get it, really, we do; you have your needs too, but ummm remember us bitch? It's been officially spring for over two weeks now! Our patience with this cold shit is gone.
> 
> ...



I forget, which goddess was the good-looking brunette?:doh:



mergirl said:


> haha.. brilliant!! We need to write a book 'Letters to goddesses'!!
> Fab!
> Oh also, for years i used to pronounce her- percy phone!



The Percy Phone is like the batphone in the Adam West batman series, only dorkier. In all probability it's a Dungeons and Dragons helpline. And like Adam west, Percy probably wears tights. 
And lives with his mom. 

Who calls him Percy-Pie.


And is concerned about the tights...




There's something seriously wrong with me.


----------



## AnotherJessica (Apr 8, 2009)

Dear Keanu Reeves, 

Your acting pretty much sucks but your face is so beautiful. I just wish you would shave off that horrible, spotty beard thing you have going on.


----------



## Sugar (Apr 8, 2009)

Dear You,

I know you think it's ok to be so snappy with me, but I promise it's not. I do actually having feelings and you hurt them so bad. If I didn't have a good enough reason before to cut ties with you, I sure do now. 

Real friends aren't mean like that. 

Sincerely,

Your ex-friend


----------



## mossystate (Apr 8, 2009)

You, 

I am _this_ close to giving you exactly what you deserve. For fucks sake, don't flatter yourself so much. Be an adult.

Monique




NO, this is not about you...or you...and is no differnent from what you or you or you or you...do...now, that I have made that clear, I still want to throttle the inspiration for this post


----------



## shinyapple (Apr 8, 2009)

Dear Dine n' Dash chicks -

You SUCK. That had to be somewhere around $40 to $50 of food and drinks you consumed in the time you were there. You had the good fortune of being seated in Mo's section...who happens to be one of the best servers at that particular location, and James (the bartender who is #1 over Mo) was making your drinks. They took awesome care of you.

For you to shove $2 in the folder and walk out the door while Mo was clearing another table was beyond shitty. He got your license plate and fortunately, they won't make him pay for your stunt.

You are grown women. You are also trashy assholes in desperate need of class and a conscience. Losers.

Signed, 

The Fat Chicks at the Other Table


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Apr 9, 2009)

frankman said:


> I forget, which goddess was the good-looking brunette?:doh:
> 
> ...snip....




Ummm that would be _*me*_...


----------



## steely (Apr 9, 2009)

Wow,great hair...wait,great everything!


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (Apr 9, 2009)

Dear Nose,

I appreciate you not breaking today when you got hit with the basketball, but is it to much to ask to stop hurting?

Thanks


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Apr 9, 2009)

steely said:


> Wow,great hair...wait,great everything!



*Hee-hee! My hairdresser thanks you! :happy:

Thanks Steely!*


----------



## QueenB (Apr 9, 2009)

oh my god. your hair is incredible, wicked. :happy:


----------



## TraciJo67 (Apr 9, 2009)

mossystate said:


> You,
> 
> I am _this_ close to giving you exactly what you deserve. For fucks sake, don't flatter yourself so much. Be an adult.
> 
> ...



Dear You (yes, _YOU_, Mossy the _Thing_),

I am _this_ close to giving you a knuckle sandwich. Without aid of condiment to help you choke it down. And this is about you. Just you. Nobody else. You. You you you you you youyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyou.

Love,
The Business End of A Meaty Solution


----------



## frankman (Apr 9, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Ummm that would be _*me*_...



Wow!:smitten: Hotness! They didn't make 'em like that in ancient Greece.

Serves me right for asking stupid questions. Way better than a Percy Phone...


----------



## frankman (Apr 9, 2009)

mossystate said:


> You,
> 
> I am _this_ close to giving you exactly what you deserve. For fucks sake, don't flatter yourself so much. Be an adult.
> 
> ...





TraciJo67 said:


> Dear You (yes, _YOU_, Mossy the _Thing_),
> 
> I am _this_ close to giving you a knuckle sandwich. Without aid of condiment to help you choke it down. And this is about you. Just you. Nobody else. You. You you you you you youyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyou.
> 
> ...



Dear Me,

*CHICKFIGHT!!!*

Love,
Me.

PS. I'm going to get into so much trouble...


----------



## mergirl (Apr 9, 2009)

frankman said:


> Dear Me,
> 
> *CHICKFIGHT!!!*
> 
> ...


Yeah, but its not fair cause only mossy is allowed a gun!


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Apr 9, 2009)

QueenB said:


> oh my god. your hair is incredible, wicked. :happy:





frankman said:


> Wow!:smitten: Hotness! They didn't make 'em like that in ancient Greece.
> 
> Serves me right for asking stupid questions. Way better than a Percy Phone...




*Thanks and Thanks guys! :happy::happy:*


----------



## frankman (Apr 9, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Yeah, but its not fair cause only mossy is allowed a gun!



That actually sounds quite reasonable...


----------



## Surlysomething (Apr 9, 2009)

Dear hot cross buns


I'M GONNA EAT YA!


:eat2:


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (Apr 9, 2009)

frankman said:


> Dear Me,
> 
> *CHICKFIGHT!!!*
> 
> ...


They only fight because the makeup sex is INCREDIBLE!


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Apr 9, 2009)

Dear ICHC fans,

I uploaded a lol today that is a pic of my two kitties, and a caption I came up with. Plz to go and look at it. 

http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=3863687


----------



## mossystate (Apr 10, 2009)

Dear guys who like fat women, 

Don't let people say you are not lovely. It is ok if you want to show off your physique, and not hide in long, baggy, shorts...and oversized teeshirts. Your hair is your crowning glory...why hide it under a baseball cap?

Stop hiding!

:wubu:



Mossy The State


----------



## KHayes666 (Apr 10, 2009)

deaer sir or madam....

come along kiddies, daddys gonna whistle while he tells all the story bout Israel Bisselllllllllllllllllllllllll


yayyyyyyy


*passes out*


----------



## Shosh (Apr 10, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Ummm that would be _*me*_...



Dear One Wicked Angel,

You are gorgeous.

Love

Shoshie


----------



## Weeze (Apr 10, 2009)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear ICHC fans,
> 
> I uploaded a lol today that is a pic of my two kitties, and a caption I came up with. Plz to go and look at it.
> 
> http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=3863687



Dear Ginny,
thanks for the lol


----------



## Weeze (Apr 10, 2009)

Dear You.

Seriously.
What. The Fuck. Why would you lie about something so dumb? Did I even do anything to you? No. No. I didn't do ANYTHING to you. I have been nothing but a total fucking sweetheart to you. 
but then, you had to go and lie about something so. fucking. dumb.
If i'm boring you, just fucking say so. I'm a big girl, I can take it. but do NOT try pulling shit over me. you will lose. If you're not interested anymore, then just go away and stop wasting my time. 

You have no idea how much you're hurting me. I feel so, so, worthless. Do you understand that? do you get it? seriously. I don't even know what to say anymore. I just want to scream, but, that won't do any good, will it? You're not listening anyway.


leave me alone.

-A hurt, and confused Kris


----------



## LoveBHMS (Apr 11, 2009)

shinyapple said:


> Dear Dine n' Dash chicks -
> 
> You SUCK. That had to be somewhere around $40 to $50 of food and drinks you consumed in the time you were there. You had the good fortune of being seated in Mo's section...who happens to be one of the best servers at that particular location, and James (the bartender who is #1 over Mo) was making your drinks. They took awesome care of you.
> 
> ...



OMG...I don't even know you and I second all of this. I'm a server and a table dined and dashed on a server who was FIVE MONTHS pregnant. Some people just suck and need to die. The dine and dash is the most low class and screwed up thing to do....EVER.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 11, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Ummm that would be _*me*_...



I think you already knew i was enamored cuz you're a smart chick...and i always thought you were gorgeous...love the new pic  :bow:


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Apr 11, 2009)

I wonder if it was common knowledge if sleazeballs like that would still do it. It's one thing to stick it to a company, but another to know you're sticking it to a person who works hard to earn a potentially difficult living.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 12, 2009)

Dear Me,

Don't be sad when you see all these chicks who found their FA who loves them, you don't have time for love right now anyway with work and school for at least the next two years. Just be thankful that you're hot and still can get looks from guys with their skinny gf's when you go out, like it was last night. 

love,
your very busy, but still hot as hell self


----------



## Lovelyone (Apr 12, 2009)

Dear Holidays-
First let me say that I love you for your religious meaning and significance--however--I have to break up with you cos you are too high maintenance.
Please don't knock on my door anymore. I am sleeping and wish to be left alone. I can't afford your incessant need for chocolate, goodies and presents. Our relationship was losing all its wonder and excitement by becoming to overly commercial. Don't send me candy and put special cartoons on t.v. to try to entice me cos it won't work. You had your chance to interest me but you left me cold and desiring of something less chaotic, less stressful, and more spiritual. I don't want to cook, so instead of the traditional ham, mac and cheese I will be eating french toast with maple syrup. I don't want to clean up after people who don't appreciate it so I will cook for one...me. I don't want to fake the "I am glad you are here" smiles and silly banter, cos really--no one buys it anyway. I just don't want it. Peace and quiet are what I desire so please send THAT in abundance instead of the chaos, cartoons, and chocolate bunnies.
Thank you-
Me


----------



## olwen (Apr 12, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Dear guys who like fat women,
> 
> Don't let people say you are not lovely. It is ok if you want to show off your physique, and not hide in long, baggy, shorts...and oversized teeshirts. Your hair is your crowning glory...why hide it under a baseball cap?
> 
> ...



Ha! Yes! I implore every man to just stop with the super baggy clothes. Gross. Maybe I wanna see the shape of your - everything. Cause you know, I'm entitled. So do it.


----------



## Surlysomething (Apr 12, 2009)

olwen said:


> Ha! Yes! I implore every man to just stop with the super baggy clothes. Gross. Maybe I wanna see the shape of your - everything. Cause you know, I'm entitled. So do it.




Funny, I was just thinking about this yesterday when I was out and about. So many people wear clothes that don't fit them! Especially 'middle' aged men. If you have to keep hiking your pants up then you're wearing the wrong size.

It's somewhat horrifying. Haha.


----------



## Proner (Apr 12, 2009)

Dear back injury.

I appreciate if you heal just a little faster, I worked hard to obtain my qualification for the national tour and I know healings will hurt but the most important is to come back for the third stage of the tour.
I finally found a sponsor which believe in me so don't ruin everything please.


----------



## kayrae (Apr 12, 2009)

dear proner, 

well wishes to a speedy recover


----------



## Rowan (Apr 12, 2009)

Dear VH1, 

You totally know we have a love/hate relationship. You do shows like 'greatest one hit wonders of the 80's' and it makes me totally happy, but you also remind me that growing up sucked and i associate a lot of my memories with music...

so i just wanted to let you know that i totally love you, but i kind of loathe you too.

btw...don johnson should not sing.

love,
me


----------



## olwen (Apr 12, 2009)

Surlysomething said:


> Funny, I was just thinking about this yesterday when I was out and about. So many people wear clothes that don't fit them! Especially 'middle' aged men. If you have to keep hiking your pants up then you're wearing the wrong size.
> 
> It's somewhat horrifying. Haha.



Around here, the young guys wear the waist around their hips with the crotch at their knees and let most of their boxers show. That really grosses me out. Then there are guys (all ages) who wear pants that fit their waist but are so baggy everywhere else that a ton of fabric is bunched up around their ankles then tucked into the tongue of their shoes. Also gross. I know it's the style, but I hate it. Always have. I ask guys about it and they say they don't want other dudes checking them out, like gay guys don't dress the same way and still don't check them out....Aaaarrggggh. Fellas, just stop arredey!


----------



## TraciJo67 (Apr 12, 2009)

olwen said:


> Around here, the young guys wear the waist around their hips with the crotch at their knees and let most of their boxers show. That really grosses me out. Then there are guys (all ages) who wear pants that fit their waist but are so baggy everywhere else that a ton of fabric is bunched up around their ankles then tucked into the tongue of their shoes. Also gross. I know it's the style, but I hate it. Always have. I ask guys about it and they say they don't want other dudes checking them out, like gay guys don't dress the same way and still don't check them out....Aaaarrggggh. Fellas, just stop arredey!



I hate that style too, Olwen. It doesn't make sense to me -- it does nothing to show off a man's physique ... in fact, that baggy-ass material hides it completely. 

One thing I would like to know, though, is how they manage to keep the pants from falling completely around their ankles. There has to be some trick to it -- like, wearing suspenders or something.


----------



## Proner (Apr 12, 2009)

kayrae said:


> dear proner,
> 
> well wishes to a speedy recover



Dear Kayrae,

Thank you, you're so sweet 
I do my best to recover the fastest as I can and count the day to my return


----------



## olwen (Apr 12, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> I hate that style too, Olwen. It doesn't make sense to me -- it does nothing to show off a man's physique ... in fact, that baggy-ass material hides it completely.
> 
> One thing I would like to know, though, is how they manage to keep the pants from falling completely around their ankles. There has to be some trick to it -- like, wearing suspenders or something.



So I guess this is a gangsta thing. The style started from prison. You don't get belts in prison, so when the guys got out they either couldn't afford belts or just got so used to wearing pants without belts that they just kept it that way and it caught on. Another reason to wear such baggy clothes is because it's easier to hide a gun that way, but cops can tell by body language if a guy is packin heat, so that doesn't matter much I don't think. 

Now it's more of a hip hop style thing I guess, so guys can buy pants with the crotch lower down than normal. Guys are starting to wear pants that are more fitted, but they are still pulling the waist down. They keep the pants up with belts, but even then sometimes I see guys pulling their pants up or holding onto them when they try to run. It makes them walk with this dumb swagger that I think makes them look ridiculous. I just hate everything about these pants. Just gross.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 12, 2009)

Rowan said:


> Dear VH1,
> 
> You totally know we have a love/hate relationship. You do shows like 'greatest one hit wonders of the 80's' and it makes me totally happy, but you also remind me that growing up sucked and i associate a lot of my memories with music...
> 
> ...



Dear Rowan, 

This one is for you. Go ahead and admit that you liked him back in the day  


Love, 
Moi

P.S. Some said the same thing about Eddie.....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDbpzjbXUZI&feature=related


----------



## Rowan (Apr 12, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Rowan,
> 
> This one is for you. Go ahead and admit that you liked him back in the day
> 
> ...



no. no. i totally admit with much shame, i was totally all about new kids on the block when i was in sixth grade...i even had a pillow cover of them...god its so sad lol


----------



## mergirl (Apr 12, 2009)

dear smellycockopoo

I have wasted my breath arguing with your boring wah wah self..
i just realised that you argue with everyone.. in a really non coherent way and it pisses everyone off!! i am glad its not just me but am a little pissed off you totally derailed my thred cause you are a cock!

mer


----------



## mergirl (Apr 12, 2009)

Dear _______

I KNOW why you are so cold to me. I really dont think you relise that you REALLY dont know me! You cant help who you love or more importantly dont love. I have been pretty civil about this and never mentioned it and even stayed away from here for about 4 years because of it. Out of respect for the people involved but i wont be party to your petty glib crap. I think its best you dont even try to talk to me, condecend me or think you know even a fraction of me. I know quite a few stories about you, and have sussed you out.. I think the whole hierarchy 'in group' thing is a lot of shit anyway and actually pretty pathetic.. you drop freinds like stones and use people all the time. 

Lisa (the one you really dont know, even one wee bit)


----------



## Blackjack_Jeeves (Apr 12, 2009)

Dear car:

My brother needs to borrow you this coming weekend for a trip. Would you stop acting up already? The radiator thing was already solved; we don't need you to suddenly turn yourself off as I'm breaking to a red light. His car is in worse condition, so don't make it a competition.

Your owner,
Markus


----------



## Frankie (Apr 12, 2009)

Dear Frankie - the real Frankie, my cat,

Thank you for the 6am Saturday morning wakeup call that came in the form of you bringing a live mouse into my bed. I managed to catch and release the poor guy outside - may he live long and prosper. You wasted no time in finding another mouse this afternoon (there must be a family living in the walls or something) - which I tried to save by prying your mouth open, but the little guy ended up dying in my hand. You are a killer. Why is my apartment such a mouse magnet (reference your two kills this past October and kills from other years - despite my attempts to live trap and release), and why do these mice insist upon venturing out from under the stove (I really have to pull it out and see what's going on back there) when surely they must see the furry monster with a taste for blood sitting right there waiting for them.

I feel bad for the mice, but I'm secretly pleased for you - 16 and a half year old you with the severe inflammatory bowel disease who's weathered ups and downs where several times I thought we were looking at the end of the road and euthanasia. But so far you keep managing to bounce back (though you're quite thin now) and go on to hunt like a champ. And now you're beside me on the sofa, kneading my fleece throw and purring your heart out. I love you so much, and I'm terrified of the day I'll lose you. I don't know how I'll go on without you. Even when I'm cleaning up the rodent corpses, you make my life better. Please try to live forever.

Love, 
Your Human


----------



## LisaInNC (Apr 13, 2009)

Dear Sinus and Ear Infection, 

You better go away before next week or I am going to be pissed. I refuse to be sick or in extreme pain for the NJ bash. So if you plan on sticking around, I wont hesitate to pull out the big guns...ANTIBIOTICS. 
You have been warned.

Love, 

Lisa


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Apr 13, 2009)

Dear Frankie (the Human, not the Feline)

Either my hormones are in flux or that is simply one of the most touching expressions of love that I have ever read from a person about their non-human companion. I won't be crass and spew the usual platitudes. Heaven knows you will be sickened enough by it all when the time comes. I just wish II could come by and spend a few days with the two of you so I could somehow magically bottle up these wonderful moments of contentment you two share and present it to you later. And considering I'm allergic to cats that's saying something, but I would do it were it possible. 

And to you Frankie-the real Frankie (the feline, not the human). I know forever is not in your paws, but dude please, please give it your best shot. I think most of us reading what your human wrote are just a little bit in love with you now. Rodents and all. 

signed,
The Angel part of the OWA.


----------



## gypsy (Apr 14, 2009)

Dear Blizzard,

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

You release a new patch....AND YOU DIDN'T CHECK TO SEE IF IT FUCKING WORKED BEFORE RELEASING IT?!?!?!?!?!!

I had to deal all day with phones ringing, people yammering at me, people waltzing into my office and demanding everything I didn't have or wasn't in charge of. All I wanted to do was come home and kill stuff on the computer. But you wouldn't let me have that, oh no.

What the hell do I pay you idiots for, anyway?

Sincerely (and by sincerely I mean Pissed Off),

Gamer Geek

PS: Who the hell told you morons we wanted dual-speccing? Gawd you are a bunch of losers.


----------



## Blackjack (Apr 14, 2009)

gypsy said:


> Dear Blizzard,
> 
> WHAT. THE. FUCK.
> 
> ...



You pay them for server access.

They're performing maintenance, because a patch on <12 test servers is NOT the same as a patch on >100 live servers. It might work on some, but on others there might be issues. Would you rather it all go live and have your realm laggy and full of glitches all day? Odds are you'd be complaining about that if it was up.

Dual spec benefits paladins, priests, shammys, druids, and to a lesser degree the other classes. It's handy to be able to switch between your DPS build and your healing build, and it'll make LFG a lot easier.

Not that I'm saying it isn't annoying- fuck, I'm not going to be able to do Naxx tonight and I was _really_ looking forward to it- but if you think that they're doing anything but trying to improve the game then you're very, very wrong.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Apr 14, 2009)

gypsy said:


> Dear Blizzard,
> 
> WHAT. THE. FUCK.
> 
> ...





Blackjack said:


> You pay them for server access.
> 
> They're performing maintenance, because a patch on <12 test servers is NOT the same as a patch on >100 live servers. It might work on some, but on others there might be issues. Would you rather it all go live and have your realm laggy and full of glitches all day? Odds are you'd be complaining about that if it was up.
> 
> ...


Beej. Gypsy doesn't want rational explanations... she wants rabble rousing: 







YEAH!! FUCK YOU!! YOU BLIZZARD FUCKS!! *fist in air*


----------



## gypsy (Apr 14, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Beej. Gypsy doesn't want rational explanations... she wants rabble rousing:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Dear Sammie,

This is why I love you. You GET me. :wubu:

love,

Croc Wearer


----------



## CleverBomb (Apr 15, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> OMG...I don't even know you and I second all of this. I'm a server and a table dined and dashed on a server who was FIVE MONTHS pregnant. Some people just suck and need to die. The dine and dash is the most low class and screwed up thing to do....EVER.


agreed.

-Rusty
(lives in a state with sub-minimum-wage for tipped employees)


----------



## Frankie (Apr 16, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Frankie (the Human, not the Feline)
> 
> Either my hormones are in flux or that is simply one of the most touching expressions of love that I have ever read from a person about their non-human companion. I won't be crass and spew the usual platitudes. Heaven knows you will be sickened enough by it all when the time comes. I just wish II could come by and spend a few days with the two of you so I could somehow magically bottle up these wonderful moments of contentment you two share and present it to you later. And considering I'm allergic to cats that's saying something, but I would do it were it possible.
> 
> ...



Thank you for the kind words, Angel. My world revolves around my kitty-boy.


----------



## Blackjack (Apr 17, 2009)

Dear _Battlestar Galactica_ Season One finale:

omfg.

That is all.


-Beej


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 17, 2009)

Dear little one,


Quit making momma throw up....and she'll buy you a new car on your 16th birthday, 'k?


All my love,
your upchucking momma


----------



## gypsy (Apr 18, 2009)

Dear Auction,

I'll be really EmEffin' glad when you're done, by this time tomorrow. I hate seeing you every damn year but you keep me in a job. Can't wait until the door will hit you in the ass on the way out.

Signed,

Tired, Stressed, and Ready to Freak


----------



## KnottyOne (Apr 18, 2009)

Dear my whore of a friend,

Thanks, thanks, you hook up with the ONE guy I ask you not to and it causes enough drama to clear 20 people out of my place. I'm not here fucking alone, its 1 am and its dead, I have nothing happeneing. Seriously, thanks for ruining this party, needless to say you arent getting a chance to enjoy another one, I'm done with this. We have been on thin ice for a while, and this pushed it over the edge, I'm done with you. Invite you into my house to mess everything up, yea, done.

Your friend, well ex friend...
Eric


----------



## NancyGirl74 (Apr 18, 2009)

CAMellie said:


> Dear little one,
> 
> 
> Quit making momma throw up....and she'll buy you a new car on your 16th birthday, 'k?
> ...



OMG!!!! How did I not know???


----------



## Rowan (Apr 18, 2009)

KnottyOne said:


> Dear my whore of a friend,
> 
> Thanks, thanks, you hook up with the ONE guy I ask you not to and it causes enough drama to clear 20 people out of my place. I'm not here fucking alone, its 1 am and its dead, I have nothing happeneing. Seriously, thanks for ruining this party, needless to say you arent getting a chance to enjoy another one, I'm done with this. We have been on thin ice for a while, and this pushed it over the edge, I'm done with you. Invite you into my house to mess everything up, yea, done.
> 
> ...



Dear Eric,

I'm sorry to hear about this happening and I hope that the rest of your friends will see that this was on her and not on you.

*big hugs*

Rowan


----------



## gypsy (Apr 19, 2009)

Dear Auction,

SCREW YOU! DONE FOR ANOTHER YEAR! BITE ME!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Famouslastwords (Apr 19, 2009)

Frankie said:


> Thank you for the kind words, Angel. My world revolves around my kitty-boy.



My world revolves around my kitties too!


----------



## squidgemonster (Apr 19, 2009)

Dear Squidge Dumpling.
gonna miss you every day of my life,you are the best there ever has been 
or ever will be...
Just so sorry ....


----------



## Famouslastwords (Apr 20, 2009)

Dear Tom,

You almost irreparably damaged my relationship with Jay because I fell in love with you and left him. It was my fault I know...and I was ready to leave Jay anyway. But when you did it to Paul and I? How could you just come back into my life and say "I still think you're my soul mate" and then, on top of it all, you start dating another girl after Paul and I broke up because of you. A girl you told that you love me, and one you professed you had nothing but friendship feelings for. And why, oh why, do I still love you after everything? You're a son-of-a-bitch, and what's worse is, you know it and don't do anything about it. I think I'll always love you, not because you're a bastard, but because of how sweet and loving you USED to be. I will just have to chalk it up to the fact that I love all my exes. Just do me a favor... never talk to me again. I don't want you to pop back into my life when everything is going perfect and ruin it again. I can't control myself when it comes to you, and you know it.

Goodbye

you jerk

Signed,

FLW


----------



## mergirl (Apr 20, 2009)

Dear hyde park

Where did it all go wrong?
If you were a human i'm sure you would have slept with all my friends behind my back and then gave me Vd and got me 'up the duff', then i would have had to have an abortion, turn to catholisism, voted republican and smoked lots of drugs. Eventually i would have just have got a gun and shot you but lets face it you would have deserved it but i would have probably got the death penalty..
HP you were a bastard but i loved you. I also hated you.
xmergirl


----------



## A Bolder Boulder FA (Apr 20, 2009)

Dear Halley -

Thanks for covering my mouth last night. :wubu:

 :happy: :blush:

-C


----------



## JoyJoy (Apr 20, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Dear hyde park
> 
> Where did it all go wrong?
> If you were a human i'm sure you would have slept with all my friends behind my back and then gave me Vd and got me 'up the duff', then i would have had to have an abortion, turn to catholisism, voted republican and smoked lots of drugs. Eventually i would have just have got a gun and shot you but lets face it you would have deserved it but i would have probably got the death penalty..
> ...



Dear Mergirl, 

I love you. That is all. 

A laughing FatGirl.


Dear Morning Coffee, 

You just HAD to visit my beautiful new light blue sweater this morning, didn't you? You couldn't have dripped your brown stain onto my black jacket, and kept yourself unseen, huh? I know the sweater is lovely and all, but trust me, your presence does not enhance it's appearance. Next time, please go straight into my belly where you belong, with no side-trips, because they're totally unnecessary. 

Signed, 

A Disgruntled Consumer


Dear Water, 

If Coffee can find a way to impose itself into the threads of my sweet, sweet sweater, surely you can, as well. Part of your job is to grab that coffee and take it somewhere else, yet you just slide right off and spill onto my pants. Thanks for nothing, you slacker. 

Signed, 

A Disgruntled and Wet Consumer


----------



## Carrie (Apr 20, 2009)

Dear Joy, 

Your beautiful new blue sweater wants you to get a Tide-to-Go Pen! 







I don't leave home without mine. That and my ninja stars. 

:bow:

Sincerely,
Carrie


----------



## Spanky (Apr 20, 2009)

Dear Young Soccer Men,

You guys faced a superior opponent yesterday. In the scrimmage, the goals scored were a lot to nothing. You kept playing, you kept pushing, you pushed back, you didn't relent, give up, or surrender. You kept your heads held high and it showed in how the other team still respected your effort at the end of the game. The foe was older, faster and better skilled, taller and stronger. 

Fuck the score. I am proud to be your coach. Keep that effort in life, long after soccer is done in your lives and you will all go far in whatever you do. 

Signed,

"Proud to be your" Coach


----------



## JoyJoy (Apr 20, 2009)

Carrie said:


> Dear Joy,
> 
> Your beautiful new blue sweater wants you to get a Tide-to-Go Pen!
> 
> ...


Dear Carrie, 

My sweater loves you for putting that wand of magic onto my shopping list. It's a little afraid of your ninja stars, though. 

Love, Joy




Dear Spanky, 

Your team has an awesome coach. 

Hugs and head-balls, 
JJ


----------



## mossystate (Apr 20, 2009)

Dear BOS,

You are sneaky, the way you don't see how two-way a street that was/is. I know...firsthand. 



MMS


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Apr 20, 2009)

Carrie said:


> Dear Joy,
> 
> Your beautiful new blue sweater wants you to get a Tide-to-Go Pen!
> 
> ...



_*Yep! The most important thing in my purse outside of my lipstick and finger-tip massager *_



Spanky said:


> Dear Young Soccer Men,
> 
> ...snip...
> 
> ...



*Wow! New avatar, a new sweet caring vibe?! Careful Spanky - we gals might actually start falling in love with ya and you can't have us all!:smitten: *



JoyJoy said:


> Dear Carrie,
> 
> My sweater loves you for putting that wand of magic onto my shopping list. It's a little afraid of your ninja stars, though.
> 
> ...



*Your sweater and countless other garments will thank you!*


----------



## Lovelyone (Apr 20, 2009)

Mother Nature....you really are a cheeky little minx, aren't you? You tantalize us by wearing your spring corset and giving us 70 degree weather. Just when we think that we can relax and enjoy spring, you plummet us back into the 40's and add a layer of clothing. How rude of you to tease us like that. You need a right good spanking you naughty strumpet. Now, I demand that you stop taunting us with your weather strip-tease. Strut your stuff and take it all off! Give us that warm, heated dance of summer, cos I am not tucking a buck unless you do.


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Apr 20, 2009)

Lovelyone said:


> Mother Nature....you really are a cheeky little minx, aren't you? You tantalize us by wearing your spring corset and giving us 70 degree weather. Just when we think that we can relax and enjoy spring, you plummet us back into the 40's and add a layer of clothing. How rude of you to tease us like that. You need a right good spanking you naughty strumpet. Now, I demand that you stop taunting us with your weather strip-tease. Strut your stuff and take it all off! Give us that warm, heated dance of summer, cos I am not tucking a buck unless you do.



*HAHAHAHA! I'm with you sister!*


----------



## LoveBHMS (Apr 20, 2009)

CleverBomb said:


> agreed.
> 
> -Rusty
> (lives in a state with sub-minimum-wage for tipped employees)




Dear Rusty-

With 2 exceptions, every state in the USA has a sub-minimum wage for tipped employees. In MA servers get $2.33/hr. 

L.


----------



## HottiMegan (Apr 20, 2009)

Dear horrid heat,
You aren't supposed to be here for another month! What am I going to do without having any swimming hole to visit?! I cant stand all this sweating so early in the year. I don't like having to crank up the AC before may. This sucks!!


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Apr 20, 2009)

Dear Joy,

I totally read that as "Waiter" instead of water. That confession was TOTALLY awesome until I got to "you just slide right off and spill onto my pants." At that point it occurred to me that either this was one Dirrrrrrty confession or I'd misread something!  hahahaha


----------



## CleverBomb (Apr 20, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Rusty-
> 
> With 2 exceptions, every state in the USA has a sub-minimum wage for tipped employees. In MA servers get $2.33/hr.
> 
> L.


Didn't know that. 
Grew up in California, where that isn't allowed. 
What's the other state?

-Rusty


----------



## LoveBHMS (Apr 20, 2009)

CleverBomb said:


> Didn't know that.
> Grew up in California, where that isn't allowed.
> What's the other state?
> 
> -Rusty



I'm fairly certain it's Washington State.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Apr 21, 2009)

Yey for California!


----------



## LoveBHMS (Apr 21, 2009)

Dear Customer-

That was cute leaving the little note on your Visa slip about how you we need to change the house wine, along with a crappy tip.

Here are some simple facts.

1. I don't buy or choose the wine and liquor. All I do is pour it and serve it to you. If you don't like it, it's not my fault. Reflecting your displeasure in my tip was really nasty.

2. House wine is two things. One is cheap, the other is 'not particularly tasty'. Again, not my fault. If you are only willing to spend $4 for a glass of wine that's what you get.

3. You are the only person I have ever seen who puts ice cubes in a glass of red wine. No seriously....just you. So i'm guessing you are not any type of serious wine connoisseur.

4. The bar manager isn't going to change the house wine b/c one customer who we've never seen before scribbles a note on his Visa slip.

L.


----------



## mergirl (Apr 21, 2009)

Haha.. this reminds me of a friend i have who goes into a shop/resteraunt and askes for the second cheapest bottle of wine!! haha.. The class is pishing out of him!


----------



## Blackjack (Apr 21, 2009)

Dear body,

What the hell kind of bug have we picked up? 

More importantly, do you agree that there's not much of a worse time for us to be coming down with something?

The one day off I finally have after a shitty week at work, the one day that I have an appointment with my psychiatrist so that I can refill my medication (because I'm totally out), the one day that I was supposed to go out and take pictures.

I know it's not your fault, I'm not blaming you. Shit happens like this. It just sucks _so much_.

-Me


----------



## Amatrix (Apr 21, 2009)

dear c-
welcome!i think your parents should thank me too. 
*snugs back into your bed.*

ps baconater meh. when you get home.


<3s
h
------------

dear rdt
please stop being so stupid and hard for me to understand. 
NYC was never this bad. 
i might just have to suck it up and jump on your bus line.
hope i dont end up in nebraska.

here goes nothing!or everything... 

<3s the fattie on the bus.

ps your web site really has me head hurting. fix plz!


----------



## Surlysomething (Apr 21, 2009)

Dear self

Lose the bitchiness, it's sunny out.


----------



## KnottyOne (Apr 21, 2009)

Dear Scottie,

Don't go pro. Don't go Pro. In the name of all that is good holy and beautiful come back next year. We got to the final 4 this year, and with the talent we are adding next year we are less than a stone's throw from a championship. Come on, one more year, the money will still be waiting for you next year. Just stay one more year and get us that crown.

-Die Hard Nova Fan


----------



## OneWickedAngel (Apr 21, 2009)

Dear Lazy Footed Wench

Even "scuffs" are made to be worn, but not heard. PICK UP YOUR DAMN FEET WHEN YOU WALK!

Signed
Ears That Hear You From Two Aisles Away


----------



## sugar and spice (Apr 21, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Dear Lazy Footed Wench
> 
> Even "scuffs" are made to be worn, but not heard. PICK UP YOUR DAMN FEET WHEN YOU WALK!
> 
> ...



"Lazy footed Wench" ha ha ha you crack me up.


----------



## Paquito (Apr 22, 2009)

Dear S.

Congratulations, you've become the exact person you always said that were annoying and stupid. You have become one of those girls that chooses their boyfriend over their friends. You refuse to hang out with us because we think you're boyfriend is a complete douchebag. However, you're excuse not to hang out with us because we don't like him is bullshit, because some of us have put up with him in the past just to make you happy. Some of us can be cordial because unlike you, we will make compromises for the people that we love. You refuse to be roommates with someone who has been your "best friend" for years and will give no logical reason for this.
For the love of god, just stop being a pussy and tell us if you don't want to be friends. We can live with it. But stop your fake bullshit and half-ass excuses.

A soon-to-be-ex friend


----------



## Ruffie (Apr 22, 2009)

Ms Insecurity

It really frustrates me that you cannot get your act together. You talk crap about people behind their backs, take credit for other peoples ideas, pull your passive aggressive bullshit,and you and your minions take great pleasure in feeling powerful over others. I am a big girl and can take care of myself, but when you start on people who do not have the skills to deal with you, nor the understanding of why you would do something to them who did nothing to you it makes me mental! Grow up already!


----------



## Lovelyone (Apr 22, 2009)

Dear G-
THANK YOU!
Terri


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 23, 2009)

Dear Dims,

Thank you to everyone who sent me their support and condolences. You have no idea how much it's been appreciated.


Melanie


----------



## Weeze (Apr 24, 2009)

Dear Kyle Busch,

Please win a race in the Transformers car.
Please?
I know you like winning, and if you do, you will stimulate the NASCAR collectables business like, seriously. Like nothing else. Please? Pretty please?

Thanks!
Krissy


----------



## Victim (Apr 24, 2009)

krismiss said:


> Dear Kyle Busch,
> 
> Please win a race in the Transformers car.
> Please?
> ...




Sales of the Dale Jr. GPS unit not as expected? I thought people would buy it just for the sheer challenge of reaching their destination using only left turns...


----------



## frankman (Apr 24, 2009)

Victim said:


> Sales of the Dale Jr. GPS unit not as expected? I thought people would buy it just for the sheer challenge of reaching their destination using only left turns...



Comedy GOLD


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 24, 2009)

Dr. Sundberg,

I know, in my heart of hearts, that you were honestly doing what you thought was right for my health and safety...but...I will NEVER forgive you for the mistakes that were made. EVER!



Melanie


----------



## kayrae (Apr 26, 2009)

Dear S, 

I was wrong. You didn't pull through in the end. 

:huh:


----------



## Famouslastwords (Apr 26, 2009)

Dear Lula,

It was nice meeting you, please be right.

-R


----------



## Rowan (Apr 26, 2009)

dear me,

I know it sucks to go out to a bar and see couples...I know it makes you envious and sad...but just remember, you dont have time for it right now and you will meet the right one when God sees fit.

-me


----------



## Proner (Apr 26, 2009)

Dear new board,

I will be heal soon and we could compete in the national tour, I know the next stage will take place in a big wave spot but please don't break yourself during the competition


----------



## mszwebs (Apr 27, 2009)

Dear left boobie,

Judging by the rather large bruise now clear as day, I am forced to ask about your partying habits while I sleep. 

I know I didn't run anything when I was awake, so you must have done This all on your own. 

Next time, please try to bruise lower (if you HAVE to bruise at all) so I don't look like some kind of victim...because you are visible above my shirt line and everyone can see. 

Thanks,

Me


----------



## SamanthaNY (Apr 27, 2009)

Dear "persian blonde" organic henna; 

You suck. I followed your directions and left you on my head for a damn hour. I didn't want a lot of color from you, just a little bump. Did I get that? No. I got dried-out hair with no visible color change and dirt-like crap that won't wash or comb out. Oh, and I smell like a head shop from the 70s. 

I say again... you suck. You ain't right. 

Unhappily, 

Me.


----------



## gypsy (Apr 27, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear "persian blonde" organic henna;
> 
> You suck. I followed your directions and left you on my head for a damn hour. I didn't want a lot of color from you, just a little bump. Did I get that? No. I got dried-out hair with no visible color change and dirt-like crap that won't wash or comb out. Oh, and I smell like a head shop from the 70s.
> 
> ...




Dear Sammie,

I just thought of this.

How many Persians are naturally blonde????

That may be part of the problem.....

*ponder*


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 27, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear "persian blonde" organic henna;
> 
> You suck. I followed your directions and left you on my head for a damn hour. I didn't want a lot of color from you, just a little bump. Did I get that? No. I got dried-out hair with no visible color change and dirt-like crap that won't wash or comb out. Oh, and I smell like a head shop from the 70s.
> 
> ...



That sweet lil' old lady I work for on Saturdays offered me her many boxes of henna that are taking up space on her shelf. Glad to read I made the right decision in turning it down


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (Apr 27, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Dear left boobie,
> 
> Judging by the rather large bruise now clear as day, I am forced to ask about your partying habits while I sleep.
> 
> ...



Post pix of boob....errrrrrrr I mean bruise plz kthx


----------



## Famouslastwords (Apr 27, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Dear left boobie,
> 
> Judging by the rather large bruise now clear as day, I am forced to ask about your partying habits while I sleep.
> 
> ...



my legs party while I'm asleep too. Bastards.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Apr 27, 2009)

SamanthaNY said:


> Dear "persian blonde" organic henna;
> 
> You suck. I followed your directions and left you on my head for a damn hour. I didn't want a lot of color from you, just a little bump. Did I get that? No. I got dried-out hair with no visible color change and dirt-like crap that won't wash or comb out. Oh, and I smell like a head shop from the 70s.
> 
> ...




Henna is for TATTOOS.

Lol


----------



## undrcovrbrothr (Apr 27, 2009)

Dear U.S. Navy,

The next time you promote some jerkoff who is arrogant and doesn't really believe in taking care of other people but himself, which causes another person to forcibly retire and they are an outstanding leader, stick it. Somewhere along the line you got the idea that by saving money you'd cut corners off pieces of the foundation. If you do that, eventually the whole this COLLAPSES!! Get your heads out of your own arses and take money from those who get paid $100,000 a house to fix them every other year instead of trying to run things on the cheap with your Perform to Serve!!!!

Ahh, better. I can now have a soda.


----------



## Carrie (Apr 27, 2009)

Dear '93 Suburban, 

Well, we had a good run of it, you and I. You were an ideal car for this extra-tall super-fatty, and I thank you for everything you did. I hope you agree that speeding through the vibrant green farmland today, windows down and wind in our hair (well, mine), "American Girl" blasting, was a fitting farewell. I also hope you will not judge me for now driving a minivan. I feel a little like a dipshit, if that helps at all, but I have to admit that the charm of having a vehicle with working air conditioning and a rust-free frame makes it completely worth any lingering feelings of dipshittery. 

Thank you for everything. I truly loved driving you. 

Sincerely,
~Carrie


----------



## Tooz (Apr 27, 2009)

Dear Zwebbies:

I STILL am digging on your itemized list of how that waitress fucked up. Yeahhhhh.

Extra lots of love fo REALS,

Tooz.

But I still don't like Woody Allen.


----------



## SamanthaNY (Apr 27, 2009)

gypsy said:


> Dear Sammie,
> 
> I just thought of this.
> 
> ...


DAMN THOSE SNEAKY PERSIANS!! 


Green Eyed Fairy said:


> That sweet lil' old lady I work for on Saturdays offered me her many boxes of henna that are taking up space on her shelf. Glad to read I made the right decision in turning it down


For red, brown... any dark color, henna is fabulous. For blonde/grey - it's the Bernie Madoff of hair color.


----------



## Cors (Apr 27, 2009)

Dear expensive cobbler, 

Please work your magic on my poor babies. They were one of my first pairs - a gorgeous red tiger patent closed-toe pump. I eyed them in the shop window for weeks as I scrimped and saved, begged the sales assistant to put it aside for me and I was so glad when I finally walked out of the store with them. I wore them everywhere and they got so many compliments! My friends called them my Dorothy shoes and they were surprisingly comfortable despite their 4 inch heel and almond toe. 

Thanks to evil curbs, tumbles and nearly two years of regular wear, the heel is now badly scuffed, the heel tap is coming off and they are becoming unbalanced. The patent leather also seems to have stretched out a whole lot and now the shoes keep slipping off my tiny hooves. No amount of insoles and heel grips can remedy this, and I can't walk properly in them anymore. 

I sometimes think about letting them go to a better home, but they hold so much sentimental value that I cannot help but to cancel the listing immediately after posting. Besides, they have sold out seasons ago and are pretty much impossible to find now. Maybe I'll just put them in a glass box and stroke them everyday, but I would very much prefer to show them off. 

I feel silly writing this, but these shoes mean a lot to me. I know that they will never look as good as new, but please make them wearable again. 

Sulkily,
Cors


----------



## Surlysomething (Apr 28, 2009)

Chatty morning people? STFU.


Thanks.


----------



## Famouslastwords (Apr 28, 2009)

Dear guy who sped up after seeing we wanted over, who then after we got over followed us just to flip us off.

You're an asshole, and if the best thing you can come up with after taking a look at me is that I have a double chin, then you're also stupid. Fuck you.

Hope you get in a wreck,

FLW


----------



## soleil3313 (Apr 28, 2009)

Dear Paper, 

Why won't you just be done already?

I've done the research, I've done the presentation, I'm a pretty good writer....it looks like all of the ingredients are here....why won't you just finish yourself so that we can get this semester done with eh? 

Furthermore, eyes....why do you always get sleepy when it comes time to do homework? You need to stay awake tomorrow night so that we can get this crap over with!!!! :doh:

Overly exhausted grad student.....


----------



## Ruffie (Apr 28, 2009)

Dear Ms know it all

Could you tell how much I wanted to wipe that smug look off your face? You should really work on your poker face.
me


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 28, 2009)

Dearest Mother,


Please...please...PLEASE don't scratch Adrian's mother's eyes out this Saturday! I don't want to have to visit you in jail, ok?


All my love,
Melanie


----------



## Sugar (Apr 29, 2009)

CAMellie said:


> Dearest Mother,
> 
> 
> Please...please...PLEASE don't scratch Adrian's mother's eyes out this Saturday! I don't want to have to visit you in jail, ok?
> ...



You are ready with the camera phone just in case though...right?


----------



## CAMellie (Apr 29, 2009)

Lucky said:


> You are ready with the camera phone just in case though...right?



I won't be there. *sigh*


----------



## Phatz (Apr 29, 2009)

Thank you so much for not road gritting public car park on the 28th November 2008. 

I cannot thank you enough for the broken leg, dislocated ankle and torn foot ligaments it left me with when I slipped on the ice going in to collect a parcel for Christmas. Oh the humiliation of the 7 people (2 paramedics, 5 postmen) that it took to lift me into the ambulance which continued over the next 5 days during my hospital stay from one professional person to the next. With nurses and surgeons clearly not knowing how to handle a supersized woman with dignity and false empathy on the stupid smiley faces while their eyes offered pity to a woman who they thought or judged to have let herself get in this state so wrongly without knowing me. 

To have some irratable nurse want to winch me off the bed like free willy doing mission impossible when id been able to stand since it broke on one leg and get up so could have stood on regular scales, the surgeons who wouldnt lift me under anesthtic onto the operating table so i had to get on it myself then be knocked out and for the good grace of having the internet by my bedside to find my own fat friendly wheel chair on ebay because suprisingly they couldnt provide one and the waiting list for one is over 12months. 

For the ruined Christmas where i like to cook everything and host to my family and friends in abundance and love marred by a stupid bed in the sitting room and a park bench sized commode next to it. For being immobile and unable to leave the same room for 7 weeks and not feeling the special magic of the holiday.

Mostly for the person you have turned me into. A shadow of a 430lb woman who was independent mobile and loved to get about and take care of others to a girl who is scared to step out the door and walk about. No longer does she wear sexy heels or skips off to see people on her own but prefers training shoes and an escort to worried to step down a curb and afraid to trip. 

Thank you so much for fighting the court case and denying that you helped make me a pain riddled hermit i truly cant thank you enough. Even though the pictures you provided as evidence actually go against what you are saying and that you have incredible psychic powers to guess my age in the accident report and claim i didnt spend any time in hospital.

I will thank you with all my heart when i win the case and take your money in the next 18 monthd but would gladly trade it all back for the life i had before it happened.

Phatz xxx


----------



## JoyJoy (Apr 29, 2009)

To you, 

I'm done. Done worrying about pissing you off or offending you. Done wondering what you're going to do next to "teach me a lesson". Done catering to your moods, done trying to gauge if something I need to say or do is going to piss you off. Sick of the pettiness and the jumping to conclusions, sick of tiptoeing around you, sick of being scared of you, sick of it all. Go ahead and fuck with me, if you think it will help you feel better. I don't care what you think of me, and I'm not scared of you anymore. I'm just done.

I have every right to go through my day without being on edge, worried about your moods and what your state of mind is, and if I'm going to do or say something that bothers you. I'm not a mean or spiteful person, I don't spend my time thinking of ways to offend you. I'm going to be who I am, whether you approve of me or not. 

Me


----------



## Sweet_Serenade (Apr 29, 2009)

Dear insects,

Stop existing.

~Sincerely, Chloe


----------



## LoveBHMS (Apr 29, 2009)

Dear Guy at the DMV:

Apparently you were not being permitted to renew your license based on the fact that you have not paid your child support.

This is state law; the clerk who told you you could not get a new license was just following procedure. If you get a flag on your license, she can't help you.

Screaming at her that you, and i quote "Take care of your fucking kids" is not appropriate. Continuuing to scream at her even after she explained the situation did not help. It's not her fault YOU didn't pay your child support.

If in fact you DID resume payments, the court system issues you a release with some long legalese sounding name. When you present such release to the DMV, or it gets in their system, you can get a drivers license. PLEASE try to go through the proper channels rather than going all buckwild on a poor innocent woman who is only following the law.

Also, it's not as if the louder you yell at her the more likely you are to get your license. It does not work that way.

L.


----------



## Spanky (Apr 29, 2009)

Dear Son,

What a nice conversation we had tonight. No planning for it, it just happened. Never saw it coming. My food got cold while talking with you. 7th grade and 12 going on 13 is a tough time for a young man. I felt I really could answer your questions and discuss your issues purely from my experience. I hope you saw that at 13, I was the same insecure, not popular, studious, but only starting to come out socially, young man. Maybe by showing you who I was and what I have become, you can believe me that patience with these social things will reap great rewards as you mature. In the meantime, I just kept emphasizing to always be true to yourself. Be you and never try to be anybody else. You are so wonderful being just you. Lead and never follow even if the only person you are leading at this time in your life is you. People will respect you as they already do, they will come to you as they will accept you in time when you come to them. 

Yay for dad tonight. Not me. My dad. It was he who guided me at this time when I needed that same support and understanding, that "hey, you may not believe it, but you are pretty special and you are doing all of the right things". I just find it remarkable that I get to try and fill his shoes now as the dad. 

The door is always open. As you get older, it probably gets harder to come to me to talk, as it probably will get harder for me to ask or inquire. I can only do what I can do today for you, and hope you will want to come back for a little more support or guidance in the future. That I will have to courage to ask, to talk, to just shoot the breeze with you and see where it leads. 

Love,

Dad


PS/ To hell with the cold food. The conversation filled me up like no meal ever could.


----------



## LisaInNC (Apr 29, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Dear Son,
> 
> What a nice conversation we had tonight. No planning for it, it just happened. Never saw it coming. My food got cold while talking with you. 7th grade and 12 going on 13 is a tough time for a young man. I felt I really could answer your questions and discuss your issues purely from my experience. I hope you saw that at 13, I was the same insecure, not popular, studious, but only starting to come out socially, young man. Maybe by showing you who I was and what I have become, you can believe me that patience with these social things will reap great rewards as you mature. In the meantime, I just kept emphasizing to always be true to yourself. Be you and never try to be anybody else. You are so wonderful being just you. Lead and never follow even if the only person you are leading at this time in your life is you. People will respect you as they already do, they will come to you as they will accept you in time when you come to them.
> 
> ...



This letter was so sweet, I cried.


----------



## Your Plump Princess (Apr 30, 2009)

Dear Stepmom,

How is it right that I cannot give the 8x10 'school picture' of me from this year, to my MOTHER. 

We have another one for you and dad.


Why THE HELL do you think she should have to PAY you for it, JUST BECAUSE you don't like her attitude towards my 'prom.' and how she never paid towards my schooling that YOU SAID YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO/AND PAY FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE.


Speaking of my 'Prom'.. Lemme Tell you, Woman. Your MORE EXCITED about this than *I *am. *And I'M the one GOING. * Honestly? I don't even want to go anymore. I'm only going so I can say "yeah, I went to a spring formal, kinda like a prom. " and because you people WASTED $140 on a damn dress that you LIED TO ME and said could be hemmed to be worn more than once. But now is going to be worn once and collect fucking DUST for the rest of my life. 


Why. WHY? Just. Friggin. Tell. Me. WHY. 


Passionatly,
Megan


PS.- My Mom not paying child support to your husband, is none of your damn business. 




Dear Mom and Dad,

Stop saying shit about eachother to me.
The more you do it, the less I trust, the more I wonder, and the more I get hurt.
You've done it since '02 and I'm sick of it. I know I feel like I NEED to know and like I NEED to be the peacekeeper. But it gets Freaking Hard. It gets Freaking Stressful. But when you two are mad at eachother, I Sob. So I have to do it. So just.. PLAY NICE AND KNOCK IT THE EFF OFF ALREADY!

Why Me.


Sincerely,
The Daughter.


----------



## Phatz (Apr 30, 2009)

Here we reproduce a complaint letter sent to Sir Richard Branson, which is currently being emailed globally and is considered by many to be the world's funniest passenger complaint letter.

View attachment virgin1_1246696c.jpg


Dear Mr Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008 

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit. 

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at thehands of your corporation. 

Look at this Richard. Just look at it: [see image 1, above]. 

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert? 

You dont get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, its next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. Thats got to be the clue hasnt it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in: [see image 2, above]. 

I know it looks like a baaji but its in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well youll be fascinated to hear that it wasn't custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. Its only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all. 

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see whats on offer. 

Ill try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine its Christmas morning and youre sat their with your final present to open. Its a big one, and you know what it is. Its that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about. 

Only you open the present and its not in there. Its your hamster Richard. Its your hamster in the box and its not breathing. Thats how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this: [see image 3, above]. 

Now I know what youre thinking. Youre thinking its more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. Its mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird. 

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard. 

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to its baffling presentation: [see image 4, above]. 

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldnt want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above. 

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point. 

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on: [see image 5, above]. 

I apologise for the quality of the photo, its just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnsons face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel: [see image 6, above]. 

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. Id had enough. I was the hungriest Id been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen. 

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations: [see image 7, above]. 

Yes! Its another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff. 

Richard. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them Id done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard. 

So that was that Richard. I didnt eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I cant imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary. 

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. Its just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to its knees and begging for sustenance. 

Yours Sincererly 

XXXX 

*Paul Charles, Virgins Director of Corporate Communications, confirmed that Sir Richard Branson had telephoned the author of the letter and had thanked him for his constructive if tongue-in-cheek email. Mr Charles said that Virgin was sorry the passenger had not liked the in-flight meals which he said was award-winning food which is very popular on our Indian routes. *


----------



## Chef (Apr 30, 2009)

Gaia,

Its almost May. I would like temp in the 70s please.


----------



## LoveBHMS (May 3, 2009)

Dear Guests:

The only reason I was your hostess last night was because the scheduled hostess flaked out and I needed to bank a little goodwill with the owners so I can take time off when I want to so I agreed to work the front door. 

See that sign that says "Wait to be seated"? There is very very very little room for interpretation on that message. It means *wait to be fucking seated.* It does not mean wander around the dining room and sit wherever you like. If I'm not there right when you walk in, hang out for a second and trust me, I'm going to come running over to seat you.

Also, when I lead you to a table, sit down. Don't look around and ask if you can sit someplace else. Your food will taste the exact same no matter where you're eating. I have a system in place and make seating decisions based on numerous factors and you screw it up when you don't just assplant where I put you.

Two guys who always tip 10% or less? Please please please for the love of all that is holy, try to NOT show up on a night I have to hostess. EVERY SINGLE SERVER HATES YOU and I feel guilty having to make a decision of which one of my coworkers to sic you on. 

L.


----------



## LoveBHMS (May 3, 2009)

double post..


----------



## LoveBHMS (May 3, 2009)

double post..


----------



## Suze (May 3, 2009)

Sweet_Serenade said:


> Dear insects,
> 
> Stop existing.
> 
> ~Sincerely, Chloe



Dear Chloe

If they did, we would all be fucked. 

I hate them too, though.

- Suze


----------



## Suze (May 3, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Guests:
> 
> The only reason I was your hostess last night was because the scheduled hostess flaked out and I needed to bank a little goodwill with the owners so I can take time off when I want to so I agreed to work the front door.
> 
> ...


you make me scared of eating out 
i'm guilty of everything you mentioned. (not constantly, but still)

gulp!


----------



## Cleofatra_74 (May 3, 2009)

Dear Self,

I'm proud of you 

Luv Me


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 3, 2009)

You've definitely chosen the right profession, being that you're so filled with good cheer and a desire to provide awesome customer service 




LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Guests:
> 
> The only reason I was your hostess last night was because the scheduled hostess flaked out and I needed to bank a little goodwill with the owners so I can take time off when I want to so I agreed to work the front door.
> 
> ...


----------



## Leesa (May 3, 2009)

LisaInNC said:


> This letter was so sweet, I cried.



Whew, I cried too!


----------



## mossystate (May 3, 2009)

Dear TraciVaJoJoTater,

I have to say, I am not happy that you no longer ' show ' as being on, when you are haunting the halls at Dimensions. I like knowing where you are...at all times. 

I might have something I neeeeeed to tell you, or remind you to remind me to take my medications. Either way...come back little Sheba.

Now, back to your naughty mat. Your server will be with you, and will bring you your sippy cup of JD, and your Chinet bowl of Top Ramen.



M-TheThing


----------



## gypsy (May 3, 2009)

Dear Next Door Neighbours,

Why must you sit your car in front of my house and blast your car stereo? It's bad enough that you gather your lowlife friends on the porch next door with your broods and make racket, why must I endure shitty rap music that shakes my windows?

Sincerely,

Pissed Off Bitch Next Door


----------



## alienlanes (May 3, 2009)

Dear vandal with an exacto knife who slashed the tires of all the cars parked on my street,

Seriously, dude, what the fuck?


----------



## Rowan (May 3, 2009)

Dear Hormones,

I know that the two weeks prior to getting my shot are hard..but give me a damn break! I feel like a god damn bitch in heat...just stop already for crying out loud! It would be great if I had some kind of boyfriend...but i DONT!!!

arrrrgggghhhhh

-currently oversexed me


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 3, 2009)

Dear Moss-Encrusted Thing,
I've made myself invisible to protect myself from yo - uh, a stalker. Y'know, someone who tracks my movements on the interwebz. Coz it's kinda creepy. I'm sure you understand 

That restaurant that you described sounds a bit too high-falutin' for me. But I'll seat my entitled ass where I damn well please, and if my toddler decides to overturn the salt shakers, dump his full plate onto the floor, and/or tantrum as I'm attempting to change his full diaper on the tabletop, I'll just remind my server that the green rules supreme  

Oh, and take your meds. Even the ones that give you cotton-mouth and a drooling, glassy-eyed vapid countenance. Especially those.

Love,
TraciVaJayJo




mossystate said:


> Dear TraciVaJoJoTater,
> 
> I have to say, I am not happy that you no longer ' show ' as being on, when you are haunting the halls at Dimensions. I like knowing where you are...at all times.
> 
> ...


----------



## KHayes666 (May 4, 2009)

Dear Higher Power,

Why? You've already taken away one friend of mine, why must you take another?

They have done nothing wrong to anyone, they've never called someone creepy, they've never scammed anyone and they are nice to just about everyone.

Why are you allowing conniving, complete and total bitches walk around and you feel the need to take away the ones who've brought nothing but joy to not only me but to nearly everyone they've ever met?

I never said life was supposed to be fair, but at least it should make sense. Taking away 2 women who've done so much in life not only for them but for others as well makes no sense at all.

My faith in humanity is long gone, but when you take away yet another of my friends.....the icing will be on the cake.

-Me


----------



## mossystate (May 4, 2009)

Dear Etsy seller who sold me some Swarovski beads, 

You lying sack of shit. These are NOT Swarovski. I have gotten very careful about people who claim every GLASS bead/stone is ' Swarovski ', but, what you were selling slipped past my radar.

I have seen the huge glass stones and beads that are obviously not Swarovski and that many people are smart enough to pass on...and they don't use them in their creations, claiming they are, indeed, Swarovski...BUT...I know some of you sellers are conning a huge number of people. Just say they are glass. If they are pretty enough, you will still sell them, but you will have to reduce prices.

Consider yourself reported. I will give you a chance to do the right thing, if you don't want to get in trouble.

I am watching you, penguin.

M


----------



## Mathias (May 4, 2009)

Dear _____,


You see that? 93 on my final IST project. Ninety-FUCKING-three! I did it all on my own without you here breathing down my neck criticizing every move that you thought I did wrong. You don't know two shits about the topic I chose anyway so it's not like you even helped me to begin with. You just sat in my dorm bitching about how hot it was and how I'm wasting your time. Keep in mind that I never even asked you to come over. You said you had better things to do? Well, my all means don't let the door hit you on the way out. But for the fact that it was your birthday when you came up, I would have thrown you out. I can't work with you start getting an attitude like that. The next time I say I have something under control here's a new concept for you, take my word for it and don't go off on a fucking tangent. Like I said, I got this.

And don't call me again unless you're ready to apologize.

-Matt


----------



## Sugar (May 4, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Dear Etsy seller who sold me some Swarovski beads,
> 
> You lying sack of shit. These are NOT Swarovski. I have gotten very careful about people who claim every GLASS bead/stone is ' Swarovski ', but, what you were selling slipped past my radar.
> 
> ...



Dear Plumpy,

This picture should have tipped you off...







Love,

Sarah


----------



## mossystate (May 4, 2009)

Lucky said:


> Dear Plumpy,
> 
> This picture should have tipped you off...
> 
> ...



LOL

I must have been hungry when I was buying!!!!

:doh:


----------



## LoveBHMS (May 5, 2009)

> That restaurant that you described sounds a bit too high-falutin' for me. But I'll seat my entitled ass where I damn well please, and if my toddler decides to overturn the salt shakers, dump his full plate onto the floor, and/or tantrum as I'm attempting to change his full diaper on the tabletop, I'll just remind my server that the green rules supreme



Dear TraciJo:

If you seriously think that changing a toddler's diaper on a tabletop in a dining room where people are eating is acceptable behaviour, the amount of "green" you have doesn't matter. Doing that is filthy and unsanitary, and if you change a kid's diaper at a table, it just shows the kind of person you are.

Forget the servers (lowlifes, I know....) if your kid has a tantrum and you don't have the class and good sense to pick him up and take him out of there so as not to annoy the other patrons, that again shows you to be rude, uncaring, and disrespectful of others. Many of my guests come out after work or school to relax and have a drink and/or some good food, they don't want to hear a screaming toddler and they sure as heck don't think you're entitled to ruin their evening.

You're entitled to nothing.

L.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (May 5, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> That restaurant that you described sounds a bit too high-falutin' for me. But I'll seat my entitled ass where I damn well please, and if my toddler decides to overturn the salt shakers, dump his full plate onto the floor, and/or tantrum as I'm attempting to change his full diaper on the tabletop, I'll just remind my server that the green rules supreme


 Your sarcasm, it enthralls me.


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 5, 2009)

Admiral_Snackbar said:


> Your sarcasm, it enthralls me.



Dear Snackfest,

Uh ... sarcasm? Tell me what is that, please. I'm not understanding. I'm a bit on the thick side. 

... and ... 

Dear Lovely Loves, the Kindly, Gentle Server:

I'm shocked that you give two craps about the other patrons. Are you sure that you just don't want to deal with unruly children, because it's inconvenient for you? Hey, I understand. It's inconvenient for me, too. That's why I take him out to restaurants -- I can let him run around while I'm eating, and I'll trust that my server will keep an eye on him. Free babysitting, gotta love it. I'm not all grinch. I do leave at least 10% of my total bill, excluding (of course) the alcohol coz there's already too much of a mark-up on that stuff. 

Love,
A VERY, VERY entitled patron with a little bit of the green stuff.


----------



## mergirl (May 5, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Dear TraciJo:
> 
> If you seriously think that changing a toddler's diaper on a tabletop in a dining room where people are eating is acceptable behaviour, the amount of "green" you have doesn't matter. Doing that is filthy and unsanitary, and if you change a kid's diaper at a table, it just shows the kind of person you are.
> 
> ...


You didnt get it. If you read again you might want to backtrack. 
Personally i dont eat in a place that doesnt have shitty nappies on the tables!!


----------



## mergirl (May 5, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Snackfest,
> 
> Uh ... sarcasm? Tell me what is that, please. I'm not understanding. I'm a bit on the thick side.
> 
> ...


hey, just cause you got snot and kermits doesnt mean you can go wiping baby shit all over my place of dining!!! grrrrrrr!! Because of you i shall leave a 0.1% tip just to spread bad tidings for ever more!!!!!


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 5, 2009)

mergirl said:


> hey, just cause you got snot and kermits doesnt mean you can go wiping baby shit all over my place of dining!!! grrrrrrr!! Because of you i shall leave a 0.1% tip just to spread bad tidings for ever more!!!!!



Dear mergirl,

You have to do what is right for you. Hey, who am I to advise? I will say this, though: If your service is slow and your food is cold, it might ... just might ... be because I (or another wonderful patron just like my sweet, lovely self) allowed my toddler to 'decorate' the place with food, bodily fluids, reconstituted food, confetti that was once a pile of napkins, and assorted condiment jars. Come on, it takes time to scrape crayon drawings off the wall and trampled-upon food bits off the floor/table/chairs. But at LEAST I left a 10% tip. Or whatever change I happened to have rolling around in the bottom of my purse, anyway. So in short, I am a better person than you. At least I leave a tip. Cheapskate. ::: snort :::


----------



## mergirl (May 5, 2009)

Dear tracijo

Who am i to stifle the creative forces of toddlers. From henceforth i shall ONLY leave a 200% tip of snot to those establishments who encourage napkin confetti, crap bags and splattered food. As a lover of modern art i feel this is much more 'today' than half a cow in folmalderhyde. Excellent.

All my greens xmer


----------



## LoveBHMS (May 5, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Snackfest,
> 
> Uh ... sarcasm? Tell me what is that, please. I'm not understanding. I'm a bit on the thick side.
> 
> ...



Dear Traci, the kindly gentle caring social worker:

As i recall you didn't last but a few months in a service industry job, so your right to criticize others is gone. I do my job very well, thank you.

Yes I do give a crap about the other patrons, probably why I'm one of the highest tipped servers where I work and why the managers get compliments about me pretty much daily.

We all get it. You have money. Yay you. Nothing classier than mentioning it in every post. 

L.


----------



## mergirl (May 5, 2009)

Dear Mods

I will save you the bother.
*This post has been modified because the poster said someone was wrong and it made them cry*


----------



## gypsy (May 5, 2009)

Dear Conrad,

It seems to me that Hyde Park is spilling into the "peaceful" rest of the board, not unlike a toilet that has been filled to the brim with poop and Charmin, then flushed.

Do you happen to have a mop? 

Sincerely,

Gupsy.


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 5, 2009)

Dear Loverly One,

I have money??!?!?!?!?!?!! Hot damn, that's news to me! I better run, not walk, to my bank. I'll tell them that LovesBHMS assured me that not only do I *have* oodles of the greens, I quite happily remind others of that fact on a near-hourly basis. They may be shocked, once they check my balance 'n all ... but it's there. Coz Loves told me so.

Please. Look up the definition of "irony" and, while you're at it, throw in "sarcasm". 

Finally, tis true that I've only lasted a few months in the service industry. I was, in fact, *fired* from the only waitress job that I had. I blew chunks. I couldn't keep orders straight, I couldn't serve people fast enough, I couldn't keep the cooks happy and I damn sure wasn't keeping the patrons happy, and more to the point, I hot diggity damn didn't make the owner happy. 

But ... what does any of that have to do with the disdain that *you* show for your patrons with posts like "you'd better assplant where I tell you to assplant, effer" (I'm summarizing but feel quite certain that I've done an accurate job of it).

Love Always,
The Affluent One Who Has *Money*. Oodles of it. Great big gigantic sacks full of it. 




LoveBHMS said:


> Dear Traci, the kindly gentle caring social worker:
> 
> As i recall you didn't last but a few months in a service industry job, so your right to criticize others is gone. I do my job very well, thank you.
> 
> ...


----------



## mergirl (May 5, 2009)

Dear tracijo

Does one have 10p for a cup of tea??
(Or a tenth of a bottle of cheap cider.)

xfuture me


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 5, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Dear tracijo
> 
> Does one have 10p for a cup of tea??
> (Or a tenth of a bottle of cheap cider.)
> ...



Dear Mergirl,

How the sam hill heck do you think I got to be rich, wealthy, affluent, and moneyed? I can assure you, it was not by giving out charity. Buy your own frackin' cuppa.

Love,
Skinflint Moneybags

(Also, I have lots of money. Lots.)


----------



## mergirl (May 5, 2009)

dear scrooge mctracijo

What is it like to throw all your money up in the air and make a money angel where it all lands? Ive always wanted to know that! 

xmer


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 5, 2009)

mergirl said:


> dear scrooge mctracijo
> 
> What is it like to throw all your money up in the air and make a money angel where it all lands? Ive always wanted to know that!
> 
> xmer



Dear Subject (and you better be Loyal):

It's fun, but doesn't bring me NEARLY as much joy as using great big, heaping piles as tinder for my fireplace. 

Love,
The Loaded One


----------



## mergirl (May 5, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dear Subject (and you better be Loyal):
> 
> It's fun, but doesn't bring me NEARLY as much joy as using great big, heaping piles as tinder for my fireplace.
> 
> ...


Dear Traciwarbucks

The Dickensian tales you spin warm me art more than getting 10p for a cup of soup would. Just imagining the dollar signs in your eyes rolling around, when you think up a new money making scheme warms me cockles more than the gruel i just ate for my supper. If you see me peering into your gold house through your diamond windows with my wee wooden bowl in hand.. just know that watching you lighting a cigar from a wad of $100 bills while swinging your jewel encrusted walking cane and tipping your mink top hat to your many servants..will make me glow more than meer food EVER could!

Yours raggamuffinly xmer


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 5, 2009)

Dear merorphangirl,

All is right in the world. All will be well, all will be well, all manner of things will be well.





mergirl said:


> Dear Traciwarbucks
> 
> The Dickensian tales you spin warm me art more than getting 10p for a cup of soup would. Just imagining the dollar signs in your eyes rolling around, when you think up a new money making scheme warms me cockles more than the gruel i just ate for my supper. If you see me peering into your gold house through your diamond windows with my wee wooden bowl in hand.. just know that watching you lighting a cigar from a wad of $100 bills while swinging your jewel encrusted walking cane and tipping your mink top hat to your many servants..will make me glow more than meer food EVER could!
> 
> Yours raggamuffinly xmer


----------



## Chef (May 5, 2009)

Dear Subway-Gal-Who-Made-My-Sandwich,

Can I take you home with me?

Chef


----------



## Paquito (May 5, 2009)

Dear Sprint Rumor -

I. Hate. You.

When I first got you, I opened up your little package, and was quite pleased with what I saw. A nice little phone, with a sliding keyboard and everything. I quickly became obsessed with using a keyboard, and can now never go back to the simple numberpad.

It was bliss. For ten months, sheer bliss.

Then, the screen decided to go apeshit crazy. We're talking upside, inverted, backwards texts, diagonal cuts, it looked like some crazy origami project. Texting was virtually impossible, and I resigned myself to sending it to Sprint headquarters to fix it (I tried to get a different phone, but since I hadn't gone a full year with the phone, I would recieve no discount and was not about to shell out $250 for a phone. No sir.).

And two months later, I got my phone back. All was right with the world. Sure, all of my contacts, pictures, and ringtones were deleted, but hey, I was happy to have a phone again.

And now, not even a full two months later, the screen is messing up. I don't want to send it in again just so it will break in a week. So now, I either send this piece of shitake in or buy a new phone.

I.Hate.You.

Signed,
Seething Sprint Customer

*enclosed is a photo of my current screen. Yesterday, it only had a few colored bar things.

*Cry.


----------



## undrcovrbrothr (May 5, 2009)

To whom it does concern,

I'd give it up... I really adore you.

Me.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (May 5, 2009)

Dear Wal-Mart stocker who put up the end-aisle display of the White Cheddar and Cheddar Jack Cheez-Its: 

Damn you to Hell. Do you know how many pints of blood it costs to buy 27 boxes of those things? Tomorrow I'm gonna cut myself shaving and all I'll feel is a puff and a PPFFFFTTTT. My death is on your head, sir.

Your Brother in Christ,

The Admiral


----------



## Famouslastwords (May 6, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Dear Traciwarbucks
> 
> The Dickensian tales you spin warm me art more than getting 10p for a cup of soup would. Just imagining the dollar signs in your eyes rolling around, when you think up a new money making scheme warms me cockles more than the gruel i just ate for my supper. If you see me peering into your gold house through your diamond windows with my wee wooden bowl in hand.. just know that watching you lighting a cigar from a wad of $100 bills while swinging your jewel encrusted walking cane and tipping your mink top hat to your many servants..will make me glow more than meer food EVER could!
> 
> Yours raggamuffinly xmer




lol you must spread some rep around before giving it to mergirl again.


----------



## gypsy (May 6, 2009)

Dear Woman With A Baby,

I would like to point something out to you that you may not have realized. I don't do this in a nasty manner, but just one that might snap you back into reality.

Not everybody on this earth really cares if your 7 month old has a cold, doesn't like a particular food, has a favourite toy, or wears cute little bows in her hair. I know that you obviously have nothing better to do than sit on the computer and tell an entire forum consisting mostly of people that don't know you OR your precious youngling these perfectly useless bits of information, but really, enough is enough. If people were SO interested in your offspring's favourite toy, would they not ASK you over, say, the phone? Or IM? Or when they see you in person, for heaven's sake? 

Sure, one can say, well just ignore it. If there was only 1 or 2 messages I might be able to do so. But when I start to, say, get a daily poop update and measurements of how much bigger in inches the child has grown every week, please allow me to say that after hearing an infinite amount of verbal diarrhea about what the little darling has done today that I really don't give a flying fuck. 

I really wish you and your child a lovely life with all the happiness you deserve. 

Just shut up. Please. I beg you. 

Yours truly,

Definitely Using Birth Control Now.


----------



## bexy (May 6, 2009)

Dear horrible people on the bus.

Thanks very much for letting a 7 months pregnant lady stand up for the entire bus journey. Thanks for not offering me a seat, none of you. I know I don't look pregnant to everyone, I understand that. My size can sometimes make my bump less obvious than the bump of a smaller girl.
But when I am wearing a top that clearly emphasizes my bump AND carrying my big yellow MATERNITY HOSPITAL folder under my arm AND rubbing my tummy, you would think at least one of you would have offered me a seat. 

And to the lady who near pushed me over to get to the one seat that did become available, despite her not looking as if she needed it, well thanks love. 

Shower of bastards. Why are people so goddam rude??

I hope you all miss your next bus and are late for very important things!!!!

Sincerely,

Learning to drive in Belfast....


----------



## vardon_grip (May 6, 2009)

gypsy said:


> Dear Woman With A Baby,
> 
> I would like to point something out to you that you may not have realized. I don't do this in a nasty manner, but just one that might snap you back into reality.
> 
> ...




How YOU doin'? Can I buy you a drink?


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (May 6, 2009)

vardon_grip said:


> How YOU doin'? Can I buy you a drink?



Dear Vardon Grip,

I had a phone convo with a man from a dating site the other night. He told me he had a vasectomy. He grew to be one sexy mother f**ker really quickly.

I feel you  

GEF


----------



## Lovelyone (May 6, 2009)

Dear Headache-
Enough is enough. Please go away now.


----------



## Famouslastwords (May 6, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Vardon Grip,
> 
> I had a phone convo with a man from a dating site the other night. He told me he had a vasectomy. He grew to be one sexy mother f**ker really quickly.
> 
> ...



Word? If you don't like him, mail him to me!


----------



## Spanky (May 7, 2009)

Dear Life,

So you decided to shit on me today. Why today? Why in this way? 

Traveling this evening on Interstate 94 in Wisconsin, a large black bear ran out on the interstate right in front of my car and was hit by me at over 70 mph. Was this how you planned it? 

I can't believe I survived it. I just look at the front end of the car and cannot.believe.it. It all happened so fast. The blackout was right after I saw the huge black mass moving right to left in front of my car. Then there was the huge BANG! and a black-out for a second and suddenly it was as if I was in a haze. Airbags deployed, mist inside the car and the smell of fuel, oil and transmission fluid. 

I first thought was "Holy shit I am alive!". I have to admit the surprise, wonder and yes.....yes....joy of knowing I just took a major blow and was still aware, still able to fight. I somehow used the forward energy left in the car to roll over to the side of the road and climb out of the passenger side door to safety well off of the road. And just because I was sobbing on the side of the road alone and in the dark, it was both out of fear and joy for what had happened and how it ended. 

Life. You bastard. You keep reminding me about the end. It comes to those I love. It knocks on my door reminding me the end is closer than I think. You took a hard well positioned punch at me square in the kisser. I got up again. I can't believe I did. Still can't. 

If that bear had rolled up and into the windshield, well, Life, you would have forced my curtain call well before I expected it. Tomorrow I start another day. 

I may be sore, Life, I may not survive the next one you throw my way. But I survived today. I will live another day. That end day will come. But not today.

Nyah!

Spanky

-------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. or Mrs. Bear,

I am sorry you lost your life tonight. I love black bears like you. I just could not see you nor ever come close to stopping in time. It is how Life goes sometimes. For both of us. You got your curtain call. I did not. I hope your last moment was quick and painless. Fair thee well, brother in Life. Fair thee well. 

Yours, 

Spanky 

View attachment 05-06-09_2211.jpeg


----------



## Mathias (May 7, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Dear Life,
> 
> So you decided to shit on me today. Why today? Why in this way?
> 
> ...



 Glad you're ok Spanky.


----------



## JoyJoy (May 7, 2009)

Very, very glad you're safe, Spanky. 


Equally as sorry about the bear.


----------



## D_A_Bunny (May 7, 2009)

Spanky, it was not your time. I am so glad that you are ok. Hug your loved ones and let them love on you. Sorry about the car, but very glad that it did it's job and protected what was most important - YOU!


----------



## liz (di-va) (May 7, 2009)

Way to hang in, Spanky. Cripes! Breathe deep.


----------



## mergirl (May 7, 2009)

Famouslastwords said:


> lol you must spread some rep around before giving it to mergirl again.


Goddam rep limitations!! I want rep, lots of rep and i dont even know why!! I think this is an allegory for capitalism.


----------



## mergirl (May 7, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Dear Life,
> 
> So you decided to shit on me today. Why today? Why in this way?
> 
> ...


OMG!! I'm so glad you are ok. Physically i mean..mentally you must feel shite even through the being elated at being alive! Man. You take care of yourself and chill for a while and try to get over the shock. 
xxlisa


----------



## Blackjack (May 7, 2009)

Holy shit, Spanky. Glad you're alright.


----------



## NancyGirl74 (May 7, 2009)

Spanky!!! OMG I'm so glad you are ok.


----------



## mszwebs (May 7, 2009)

Spanks,

No dying. 

There are tutus in your future. 

Was it a GIANT black bear? Perhaps a black bear that was really BROWN? Are you sure it wasn't a Buffalo? Hmmm... 

Seriously though, I'm exceedingly happy that you are alive. Though it was probably Wisconsin's way of getting you back for all the shit you talk about the PACKERS 

Love you,

Zwebsie


----------



## undrcovrbrothr (May 7, 2009)

WTF??? Man, this is 2 for 2 this morning on the scare-o-meter... this is a sign. Enjoy life each and every day... and lots of people out there worry about so many things. I had that experience when I was 17, so imagine how I felt back then... but that time it was a huge van who sent my Volkswagen Beetle into a 720 degree spin by hitting my side. To think I was actually worried more about my Dad getting upset about the car than how I was... but anyways, that's how it goes, and why I always bounce back.

Did you get checked out by the hospital? I would go just to make sure everything is OK... sore today can turn into a world of hurt tomorrow.


----------



## soleil3313 (May 7, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Dear Life,
> 
> So you decided to shit on me today. Why today? Why in this way?
> 
> ...




Wow! I'm in awe.....so glad you're ok. That must have been really intense. I hope the aftershock is going well.....live each day to the fullest man!


----------



## BothGunsBlazing (May 7, 2009)

Damn! Glad you're okay, Spanky!


----------



## Spanky (May 7, 2009)

Thanks, Guys. :bow:

I am doing okay now after a good night's sleep. Stiff and a little sore but I think I am going to be just fine. A little freaked out and maybe a little shocked but physically okay. 

I just still can't believe how lucky I was with such a force of impact. Wearing seat belts, properly adjusted steering wheel and functioning airbags. Wow. 

Thanks, again for the well wishes.

- Spanky


----------



## TraciJo67 (May 7, 2009)

Dear Spanky,

Damn, but I'm glad to be reading these words, written by you. 

... a bear???!?!? A BEAR? Hot damn. A bear. In Minnesota.

ETA: Uh, reading comprehension. Wisconsin. That explains everything


----------



## Miss Vickie (May 7, 2009)

Damn, Spanky, that's scary shit. You're lucky to be alive. We have folks die from hitting moose and I can only imagine a bear could be so much worse, especially at 70 mph. I'm SO glad you're okay. Take care, okay?


----------



## OneWickedAngel (May 7, 2009)

Spanky, 

WOW! I mean like - effin' WOW! 
The story was breathtaking enough, seeing the picture of the car just tears it.

I am so glad you're okay; well as okay as you can be given the circumstances. My heart goes out to you and for the fallen bear (R.I.P Ursa). 

Now go, grab that wonderful son you wrote so beautifully about earlier, being grateful you have yet another chance to do so.

Above all keep kicking Life's ass man and live on!

Raivenne
(Your Pic Femme Fatale )


----------



## Dr. P Marshall (May 7, 2009)

Dear guy in the deli,

I assume you were talking to me since we were the only two people around. Thanks for the tip on the company that makes "the world's best potato salad." You may have noticed, however, that I was not looking at potato salad, nor expressing any interest in it whatsoever. But thanks all the same. If you weren't talking to me, and it is merely that your love of potato salad is so great that you feel the need to verbalize it sometimes......my apologies for intruding on what was no doubt a very personal moment for you.


Sincerely,
Dr. P


----------



## cammy (May 7, 2009)

Glad you're ok, Spanky. The Bear is now your totem.


----------



## Risible (May 7, 2009)

Spanky, glad you're okay ... so is it black bear Xmas stockings for everyone this year?


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (May 7, 2009)

Spanky said:


> HORRIFIC STORY REDACTED
> 
> Spanky


To paraphrase a favorite book:

In 1977 my grandfather was driving his GMC van across a railroad track and was hit by a train. It was an old-style cross sign, not the light and barricade doomaflagies we have today. He was thrown from the van into the nearby ditch and it was only that and his 400+ pound girth that saved his life.

The van was photographed and made the local papers. It was the sorriest looking wreck of a vehicle I had ever seen. Spanky, yours was the second sorriest.

Glad you made it through.


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (May 7, 2009)

Risible said:


> Spanky, glad you're okay ... so is it black bear Xmas stockings for everyone this year?


I was actually thinking he'd have the dash of his new car coated in bear fur with the open-mouthed stuffed head facing forward, sort of an in-dash hood ornament. He could have the claws hanging from the rearview mirror like some ursine set of fuzzy dice.


----------



## mossystate (May 7, 2009)

Dear salt,

Why must you make most things taste so good. WHY!??!


Reducing...a bit...the hold you have on me,


Mossy


----------



## thatgirl08 (May 7, 2009)

Dear Aunt Flo,

Thanks for ruining my chances of passing the AP English Exam. I hate you.

-Rachel


----------



## Carrie (May 7, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Dear salt,
> 
> Why must you make most things taste so good. WHY!??!
> 
> ...



Dear Mossy, 

You have my empathy. These two products are helping me a lot: 
Mrs. Dash Table Blend
 Not salt by a long shot, but it's not bad at all. Pretty good, actually, and the table blend style is nice and fine, not big flakes of stuff. 

Ocean's Flavor Low Sodium Sea Salt
When I have to have salt, I use this. Tastes no different than salt, and it's less sodium. 

I'll stick with it if you do, by gum. That's right, I said by gum.


----------



## undrcovrbrothr (May 7, 2009)

Dear Higher Power,

Thank you for not making me feel as if I am cursed by the female gender. You have a way of humbling me and making me stronger, which is good for me. In a way, I am fortunate to have my health and really a good life in general. You're the only being who understands that lemons truly can make lemonade, with the right sugar. I'm blessed indeed... thank you, kind being.

UCB


----------



## SparklingBBW (May 7, 2009)

Spanks, Add me to the list of people happy you're still around and okay! Now that you've taken a few deep breaths, expressed your gratitude, get out there and have fun buying a new car and stimulating the economy!  

.


----------



## snuggletiger (May 7, 2009)

Dear Bankrupt Bank,
Thanks for letting me buy said Ginormous house for cheap money that breaks down to $58 smackers a square foot. 
Your pal who forgives you for taking so long
Snuggletiger.


----------



## supersoup (May 7, 2009)

dear 'nilla cakesters,

yes please.


<3
soup


----------



## gypsy (May 7, 2009)

vardon_grip said:


> How YOU doin'? Can I buy you a drink?



Dear Vardon,

My First Date is traditionally going with the man for his vasectomy.

Let me know when you're free.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (May 7, 2009)

HOLY COW Spanky. I just got the shivers. Again and again. That is SO scary. I'm soooo glad you're okay. Please take care of yourself. We love you around here. :wubu:


----------



## vardon_grip (May 7, 2009)

gypsy said:


> Dear Vardon,
> 
> My First Date is traditionally going with the man for his vasectomy.
> 
> Let me know when you're free.



Dear Gypsy

Many a girlfriend were quite adept at breaking my balls to the point of infertility...does that count?



btw, the grande nachos and lube are on me!

I'm kidding about the lube of course. Unless you like it.


----------



## GenericGeek (May 8, 2009)

Dear Spanky's Car,

Thank you for sacrificing yourself, and saving Spanky's life. It's really too bad about the bear, but there was only so much you could do...

I can't tell what kind of car you _*were*_ from the picture, but I hope that you are reborn as something really cool, like maybe a Tesla roadster.

-- the Geek


----------



## Spanky (May 8, 2009)

Dear Gengeek, 

I am speaking to you from car recycling heaven. In my life, I was a 2000 Chrysler Minivan. After a several hundred pound bear slammed into me at over 70 mph, I crumpled up my hood and engine compartment the best I could to spare Spanky's life. I deployed my airbags, both of them, just in case. I tried my hardest to keep the lights on in the cabin as Spanky climbed out to safety. He was right next to me holding my side view mirror when the lights finally dimmed I drifted off for that endless sleep. 

But since I was a Chrysler, I wanna come back as a Prowler. 

Lub, 

Spanky's Minivan


----------



## BarbBBW (May 8, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Dear Gengeek,
> 
> I am speaking to you from car recycling heaven. In my life, I was a 2000 Chrysler Minivan. After a several hundred pound bear slammed into me at over 70 mph, I crumpled up my hood and engine compartment the best I could to spare Spanky's life. I deployed my airbags, both of them, just in case. I tried my hardest to keep the lights on in the cabin as Spanky climbed out to safety. He was right next to me holding my side view mirror when the lights finally dimmed I drifted off for that endless sleep.
> 
> ...


LOL now I know its not a funny situation, but LMFAO


----------



## mergirl (May 8, 2009)

Dear Spanky's minivan

Did a bear really slam into YOU at 70mph? I had no idea bears could go that fast! Think you are just trying to impress all the jaguars up there in car heaven! Though, thank you for saving Spanky's life..that was pretty cool of you, so you can have the super fast bear story!!

xmer


----------



## Tooz (May 8, 2009)

Dear Spanky,

I am glad it was not a moose.

Tooz


----------



## NancyGirl74 (May 8, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Dear Gengeek,
> 
> I am speaking to you from car recycling heaven. In my life, I was a 2000 Chrysler Minivan. After a several hundred pound bear slammed into me at over 70 mph, I crumpled up my hood and engine compartment the best I could to spare Spanky's life. I deployed my airbags, both of them, just in case. I tried my hardest to keep the lights on in the cabin as Spanky climbed out to safety. He was right next to me holding my side view mirror when the lights finally dimmed I drifted off for that endless sleep.
> 
> ...



Dear Spanky's Minivan,

Your post made me chuckle and sniffle at the same time. Call me a sap but the part about Spanky holding your side view mirror as your lights dimmed...well, it brought a tear to my eye, it really did. 

Overly Emotionally Yours,
Nancy


----------



## OneWickedAngel (May 8, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Dear Gengeek,
> 
> I am speaking to you from car recycling heaven. In my life, I was a 2000 Chrysler Minivan. After a several hundred pound bear slammed into me at over 70 mph, I crumpled up my hood and engine compartment the best I could to spare Spanky's life. I deployed my airbags, both of them, just in case. I tried my hardest to keep the lights on in the cabin as Spanky climbed out to safety. He was right next to me holding my side view mirror when the lights finally dimmed I drifted off for that endless sleep.
> 
> ...



*Dear Spanky's Minivan,

You served Spanky well on the most average day of his life. No one expected less of you on that far from average one in which you saved him. You gave your all by taking on a several hundred pound bear and still had the fortitude to cushion Spanky from the worst of the blow! You have earned the right to become whatever you want in the next life, just keep in mind that while they may be cool cars to look at, let's see a mini-coop (or even a prowler) do that. 

The Pic Femme Fatale*
*(Though even I concede I would look much better spread across a prowler... in a picture of course!)*


----------



## Santaclear (May 8, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Traveling this evening on Interstate 94 in Wisconsin, a large black bear ran out on the interstate right in front of my car and was hit by me at over 70 mph. Was this how you planned it?



Oh....that's terrible. I'm glad you're OK, Spanky.


----------



## Spanky (May 8, 2009)

YES. As is turns out, my minivan was a closet FA van. Read it in the diary. Poor thing never got up the nerve to admit it. 

It loved larger vans, heck, buses. With big ROUND tires. Here is a picture I found in the glove compartment. 











PS/ thanks for letting me joke a little about this guys. You all are the best. :bow: 

View attachment monster-bus.jpg


----------



## Chef (May 8, 2009)

Spanky said:


> YES. As is turns out, my minivan was a closet FA van. Read it in the diary. Poor thing never got up the nerve to admit it.
> 
> It loved larger vans, heck, buses. With big ROUND tires. Here is a picture I found in the glove compartment.
> 
> PS/ thanks for letting me joke a little about this guys. You all are the best. :bow:



Spanky,

You realize if you had a van like that, the only thing that would run out in front of you would be small cottontail bunnies and proselyting christians.

Chef


----------



## Admiral_Snackbar (May 8, 2009)

Dear Company:

Just when I spend a year learning the particular ins and outs of Boss #1, you reorganize me and my colleagues under Boss #2 who I don't know from a turnip.

Hoping your logic succeeds over my Spider-Sense, cuz it's twitchin' like a toddler hopped up on Red Bull.


----------



## gypsy (May 8, 2009)

Dear Cookies,

You are yummy. I'm glad I made you my dinner tonight.

Love,

Nutritionally Challenged


----------



## gypsy (May 8, 2009)

vardon_grip said:


> Dear Gypsy
> 
> Many a girlfriend were quite adept at breaking my balls to the point of infertility...does that count?
> 
> ...




Dear Vardon,

Hell no. On both accounts. 

LOL


----------



## steely (May 8, 2009)

Dear Spanky's minivan,
Your sad demise makes me love my own dear minivan even more.Thank you for protecting Spanky.


----------



## undrcovrbrothr (May 8, 2009)

Dear Facebook,

Your site is too damn big for my connection to handle. If you do not fix this soon, I shall be forced to take a cricket bat and find your server and fix the problem myself.

Not really, but it sounded good. You're keeping me from my appointed rounds.


----------



## Miss Vickie (May 9, 2009)

Dear brother o' mine,

You'd better keep your ass in cardiac rehab this time, and not quit when it gets tough. I have no other real family but you, and I want you around for a good long time, mmmkay? Your "little" sister needs you.

Much love, 
and a gentle smack across the back o' the head,

Yer favorite sis


----------



## soleil3313 (May 9, 2009)

Dear Cop, 

Thank you for not giving me a ticket tonight. Thank you for being nice too. You pulled me over because my headlight was out, and then told me that I should get my new insurance information because the one I have is "a few days" out of date. You didn't even mention giving me a ticket. I really appreciate that. I try to be a safe driver and I really didn't even know that my headlight was out......now I do, and now I will get it fixed. I appreciate you being kind and not a dickhead like some.

I hope you have a good night.

Yours truly, 

Thankful in Jersey & Sweet Melissa


----------



## Rowan (May 9, 2009)

Dear Work,

Yes...I can get my impending surgery as soon as wednesday, but I've decided against it, even though it is badly needed. Why? Because I know the douchebaggery that goes on there. My FMLA wont kick in until ive worked 1250 hours since being rehired and without it it would be at my supervisor's discretion to keep my job or not. Guess what...I know how you operate and I'm not going to give you the luxury of firing me and giving me some bullshit answer. I'm going to tough out the next 6 1/2 weeks, continuing to be sick every day, get my FMLA, then get my surgery. That way you cant just get rid of my job. While I'm out that month or two after my surgery, I'm going to look for a new job on top of it. 

How do you like them apples???

-disgruntled employee feeling cheated


----------



## BarbBBW (May 9, 2009)

Dear Mr Pedicurist ,
Thank you for the awesome pedicure lastnight!! The way you massaged my feet and legs,all with great detail and strong hands!I love that great smelling "potion"slathered on my feet and legs! Just makes me feel so much better! It took away so much tension and made me smile! Just to have that hour by myself was heavenly!ANd now I have pretty feet again! :bow:


----------



## KHayes666 (May 9, 2009)

Dear downstairs neighbors,

I walked across the floor to use the can and I could hear you engaging in some heyyyyyyyyyyyyayyyeyyyy afternoon delight, either quiet down or turn some music on lol


-
Your upstairs neighbor


----------



## ekmanifest (May 9, 2009)

Dear Dims,

I have missed you. Haven't been around much in a while and realize what I've been depriving myself of. I will not let this happen again. Traci Jo's repartee, Spanky's near death experience, a new forum full of things I can buy . . . and that's what I've discovered in a mere 30 minutes online.

What was I thinking leaving you all behind??? My apologies - it will not happen again.

Grateful to be back (and grateful Spanky is okay),

Ekmanifest


----------



## chocolate desire (May 9, 2009)

Dear J,
You mean more to me than you know.I cannot wait to have you in my arms again.Thanks for being everything in life I could ever hope for.


----------



## Surlysomething (May 10, 2009)

Dear Mother

Life gets confusing and busy, you know that. But don't play the victim about Mother's Day when you were technically supposed to be out of town tomorrow. Then you changed your plans but didn't tell anyone (or at least didn't tell me-the person who apparently has to organize EVERYTHING even though you have FIVE kids) Plans weren't made because you said NOT TO make them. So, go ahead and do your Mother's Day bbq thing all on your own.  I mean, forget that your kids will always be there. Should we have scattered and organized some big expensive brunch or something like that on two days notice? We also have jobs and lives. You'll still get your gifts and i'll be bringing you flowers and chocolates. Will that be enough? 

Do we ever forget you? I hope you have a great day tomorrow, but thanks for ruining my today.

T


----------



## Blackjack (May 10, 2009)

Dear Mom:

Thanks for not killing me when I know you wanted to.

-Kevin


----------



## KnottyOne (May 10, 2009)

Dear Me,

Fail. This is why we don't drink this much. Because we always say things that we should have let die 4 years ago. Ugh, just hope it doesn't bite me in the ass later.

-Me

on another note

Dear Body,

Good job on not getting sick or hungover despite the copious amounts of alcohol you ingested. High Five.

-You not throbbing head


----------



## Catkin (May 10, 2009)

Dear dissertation,

I am glad you are my last proper essay, because you are a bitch and I hate you. I don't even care any more - I just want to finish, hand you in by next Friday, and get a 2:1 off of you.

From, a seriously fed up student.

P.s. but you are only meant to be 8,000 words. Which is good. Any more and I might have had a nervous breakdown.
_____________________

Dear Daft Punk,

thank you for providing me with awesome background music that doesn't distract me! Yay! You and lots of tea are helping me get through this.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (May 10, 2009)

Dear Mom,

I'm glad things between us finally seem to be coming to a rest....and we seem to be in a good place together. I don't want us to end always angry....we have spent too much time that way. 

Thank you for being my Mommy...I have never wished for another.

Love Carol


----------



## undrcovrbrothr (May 10, 2009)

Dear Life,

It is me again. You placed me on the rack today, and turned a few notches up, and now I feel like I'm breaking up again. Fine job, and your sense of twisted humor is not appreciated. You have within your realm a lot of sick people, and for some reason you choose to allow them to torture the innocent a lot far worse than you torture me.

Great job. What's next, the chair from _The World Is Not Enough_?!?!?!

Congrats.

Me.


----------



## Surlysomething (May 10, 2009)

Surlysomething said:


> Dear Mother
> 
> Life gets confusing and busy, you know that. But don't play the victim about Mother's Day when you were technically supposed to be out of town tomorrow. Then you changed your plans but didn't tell anyone (or at least didn't tell me-the person who apparently has to organize EVERYTHING even though you have FIVE kids) Plans weren't made because you said NOT TO make them. So, go ahead and do your Mother's Day bbq thing all on your own.  I mean, forget that your kids will always be there. Should we have scattered and organized some big expensive brunch or something like that on two days notice? We also have jobs and lives. You'll still get your gifts and i'll be bringing you flowers and chocolates. Will that be enough?
> 
> ...



And I sucked it up for the best interest of all and it turned out to be a great day.


----------



## undrcovrbrothr (May 10, 2009)

Dear Life,

Just when I think you're done with the rack, you turn it more, and I cry out in the most agonizing of pain. I am not meant to win, am I? It seems impossible; no wonder great men seem to be crushed under the weight of your thumb.

Me.


----------



## mossystate (May 11, 2009)

Dear Steve Harvey,

Turned on the tv and saw you on it. You were pitching a book. The title, ' Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man ', had me look at the calendar. After I saw that it was, indeed, 2009, I really wanted to slap you upside the head, kinda like one of those V-8 commercials.

I really loved how you pretty much said this world needs for people to be more moral and responsible and said men _SHOULD_ be part of this, but that women are better suited to it. I am just hoping more not very funny comics get in on this crap. What's that?...men cheat because the other woman allows it? 

Gosh. I know I will run out and get this pile of shit you put between two book covers. Really. Run.


Fuck off and shave that stupid mustache,

A Laaaaaady in Seattle


----------



## HottiMegan (May 11, 2009)

Dear Creepy Old Man,
I do not want your attention. Stop following me. Stop trying to kiss me. Stop trying to hug me. I am NOT interested. I know you don't speak much English but no and a push away should give you a hint. If you're mental, seek help. But stop waiting for me when i go get Max from the bus. You are creepy and a little scary. If you keep it up, i'm going to get angry.

-frustratedly,
megan


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (May 11, 2009)

Dear Megan,

"Touch me one more time and I'm calling the police" will probably translate. I would not just ignore that...sounds like he needs a clue by four.


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (May 11, 2009)

Dear Megan,

Take your big husband, brother, male friend or father with you one time.....that tends to run those assholes off  

Sincerely, 
Moi


----------



## Miss Vickie (May 11, 2009)

Dear Kids,

I know I'm not the best mom in the world and I made some colossal blunders raising you, but I'm so proud of the beautiful individuals that you've become. 

Thanks for making me look good. 

Love,

Mom


----------



## ButlerGirl09 (May 11, 2009)

Dear right shoulder,

What did I ever do to you?! I've always been kind and gentle to you, but instead you decide to repay me by hurting like a bitch! This is really annoying and is starting to interfere with my daily activities. Plus all the ice and Tylenol in the world doesn't seem to be helping. I'd really appreciate it if you'd just knock it off and go back to feeling normal.

KThanks!
-Madison


----------



## Green Eyed Fairy (May 12, 2009)

Dear Butlergirl,

Tylenol sucks ass....try ibuprofen instead. (Motrin is a brand name if you need one)

Sincerely,
Moi


----------



## ButlerGirl09 (May 12, 2009)

Dear GEF,

I agree with your statement. I don't like Tylenol, but its what my roommate had on hand in our apartment. Don't worry, while I was out and about today I picked up some ibuprofen! 

Thanks for the suggestion and caring about my well-being!
-Madison


----------



## Proner (May 12, 2009)

Dear Body,

Great job, you resist to all these aerial tricks I forced you to do during the competition and with this week-end's performance we could got a sponsor!

High Five!
Proner


----------



## HottiMegan (May 12, 2009)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> Dear Megan,
> 
> "Touch me one more time and I'm calling the police" will probably translate. I would not just ignore that...sounds like he needs a clue by four.





Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Dear Megan,
> 
> Take your big husband, brother, male friend or father with you one time.....that tends to run those assholes off
> 
> ...



Thanks for the suggestions. I am planning on talking to the manager if he shows up again. He's Indian and speaks little English so I'm going to find out which apartment he lives in through the manager (hopefully) and have my husband talk to him or his family to leave me alone. I figured having "my man" talk to them would speak more to their culture. If that doesn't work I'll pursue something more forceful.


----------



## undrcovrbrothr (May 12, 2009)

Dear Life,

Less lemons, more lemonade, good times. Need sugar.

A la prochaine!

Me.


----------



## Mathias (May 12, 2009)

Dear Allergies,

You HAD to come back the day I move back home and start to enjoy myself. Great. Thanks for making me miserable.

Sneezing nonstop,

-Matt


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## SMA413 (May 13, 2009)

Dear yellow and blue cake icing-
Thanks so much for ganging up and STAINING my teeth green. Oh, and my lips are blue. I look like I'm half dead and haven't brushed my teeth in like 10 years. 

And I'm at work.

Thanks bunches-
Zombie Samantha

-----

Dear Jared-
Never thought I could hate you... But I found out I can. 

Go fuck yourself.

- Samantha

-----

Dear LA-

Can't.freakin.wait.

3 more weeks!!! :bounce: 

- Summer Sam

----

Dear circaidian rhythms-

I hate you.

- Sleepy Samantha


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 13, 2009)

Dear Virus,

I didn't like the vomiting and other stomach problems you gave me.....but I have sure as heck been eating a lot healthier these past few days thanks to you. 

Funny how bad things can also be good. 

Moi


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## snuggletiger (May 13, 2009)

Dear Loan Lady
Thanks for the really cheap interest rate on the house on 30 year fixed.
Your smiling cheerful pal
Snuggletiger (Who's counting down till June 10)

Dear lady about to lose the house who gave me the stinkeye during the inspection tour,
Not my fault your man/hubby/lover is upside down. And yeah when you hand out the stinkeye to peeps you get remarks like "i am the man buying your house for 50 cents on the dollar and if you are here come June 11, 2009, its my foot kicking your ass to the curb smashmouth style"
PS not sorry to see you leave
Snuggletiger


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## Admiral_Snackbar (May 13, 2009)

Dear kidney stones:

It's been three weeks now, my old friends. Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells of revenge as a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold...in spaaaace.

Seriously, GTFO already. I'm tired of popping Vicodin like they were chicklets and going tinkee every 20 minutes.

Sincerely,

The Admiral's Urethra


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## TraciJo67 (May 13, 2009)

Dear man about to buy his dream home for cheap:

The lady about to lose that gorgeous home is grieving the loss, I'm sure. And she's projecting that grief onto you, the lucky home buyer. I'd grieve too, if I were about to lose that palatial, gorgeous home. You can afford to be magnanimous. Give them until June 12 to haul ass 





snuggletiger said:


> Dear Loan Lady
> Thanks for the really cheap interest rate on the house on 30 year fixed.
> Your smiling cheerful pal
> Snuggletiger (Who's counting down till June 10)
> ...


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## D_A_Bunny (May 13, 2009)

HottiMegan said:


> Thanks for the suggestions. I am planning on talking to the manager if he shows up again. He's Indian and speaks little English so I'm going to find out which apartment he lives in through the manager (hopefully) and have my husband talk to him or his family to leave me alone. I figured having "my man" talk to them would speak more to their culture. *If that doesn't work I'll pursue something more forceful.*



A knee to the groin is the universal language.


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## SMA413 (May 14, 2009)

Dear Dad-
While I have no problem helping out and taking you to the oral surgeon this morning, it would have been fantastic if you had reminded me yesterday of this favor I had agreed to over a week ago.

I wouldn't have stayed up so late and then took a sleeping pill at almost 4 AM... only to wake up at 7.

I know I probably should have remembered on my own, but I barely know what day it is half the time.

Oh shit- the waiting room has a super comfy looking couch. This could end badly...

- Your oldest daughter

----

Dear recent online clothing purchase-
According to ups.com, you've left for delivery today.

Can't freakin wait till you're in my hot little hands! 
- Me


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## thejuicyone (May 14, 2009)

Dear growling tummy,

I wish I could feed you right now, but all we have is ramen noodles, not very filling. Don't worry baby, momma gets paid today and I will fill you with some delicious goodies. How does burger king sound? ooh or KFC? Maybe Arbys? Possibly Sonic.....? All of the above it is! 

Love, 
Me


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## RedVelvet (May 14, 2009)

Dear suddenly appearing new wrinkles under my eyes:

What...the fuck...are you DOING THERE....and please leave.


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## SMA413 (May 17, 2009)

Dear Lulu's Cafe-

Whoever decided that chicken fried steak + chile con queso = amazingness was a freakin genius.

I love you.
- Stuffed Samantha


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## Shosh (May 18, 2009)

Dear Conrad,

I see that Hyde Park has gone. I think that you have made a good decision in getting rid of it.

While I often posted on the particular board, I could still see that it focused on the negative rather than the positive.

It ruined friendships also. Nothing is worth that.

Shosh


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## Red (May 18, 2009)

Dear World of PROPER Employment,


I am so frustrated right now, I am sick of not receiving responses, I am sick of spending so much time and effort tailoring my CV, I am sick of feeling useless. I just want a regular 9-5, something challenging enough to make me get up with a spring in my step in the morning, something worthwhile, something that leaves me feeling proud and full of hope for the future. I just want the time and energy to save some money, to book that leg operation, to book a nice holiday, to save for a rainy day, to not worry about bills. I want to be out of debt by 30, I want to be completely in the black - I need some security in my life. Please PLEASE let a decent job come along sometime soon. I'm tearing my hair out here.


Yours sincerely

Grumpy


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## Spanky (May 18, 2009)

Dear May,

Fuck you. You are going for the worst month ever. I mean I total my car with a black bear. Then this weekend I total my rollerblades in a mechanical failure resulting in a busted up knee and having to walk barefoot for over a mile, bleeding and bruised to my car. 

June can't come fast enough. I want to get on my bike without worries. 

Yours, cause you can have it. 

Spanky

-------------------------------------------------------
Dear "Minnesota Nice" Bikers on the Trail,

I always stop and inquire if you are sitting by the side of the trail. Accident? Need help? Make a cell phone call? Most of the time you are fine. 

Just a note to you all. When an inline skater is limping along the side of the trail, barefoot and bleeding, HOLDING HIS EFFING SKATES IN HIS HANDS, one of the skates missing its front wheel, can you do me the pleasure of a question about my state? Am I okay? Do I need help? 

Walking barefoot holding skates does not constitute being okay. 

And quit kidding yourselves, get over yourselves, Midwest friendly? As if. 10 people from Jersey would have stopped and asked. Maybe 1 or 2 would have stolen my skates, but at least they would have said "have a great day" upon leaving me. 

Spanky

------------------------------
Dear Older Man on his Bike...

You sir, were going slow enough and were nice enough to ask me how I was. Unfortunately, it was about 20 steps from the car. Still, the effort, sir, it was about the effort. Thanks.

Spanky


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## Ruffie (May 18, 2009)

Dear Bride(s) and Groom(s)

Wedding photography is stressful for us. We approach every wedding as if it was our own and its a one shot deal. We cannot go back and do it over again if something goes wrong. It is for that reason we do a couple of consultations with you and spell everything out on a contract. We discuss why this location better than that for certain images due to light and accessibility, as well as how busy a park may be to have backgrounds clear of people and other distracting elements. When you or your family do not stick to the planned time lines, go to a different location or don't show at all it makes things difficult for us to get the shots YOU want. When the pictures come back and there are none of family who didn't show, limited ones of those who came late, or combination's you requested but we couldn't do cause everyone showing up at different times who is it that gets blamed? We do our best to get everything done in the shortest possible time line that still allows for a creative, fun experience and the best quality pictures. Work with us people!!!


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## OneWickedAngel (May 18, 2009)

Damn Spanky! 

I'm glad you're relatively okay. How's the knee doing ? 

First the car now this? You are really having a time of it this month! I'm sorry about the skates, but seriously love, do you really think you should get anywhere near anything else with wheels right now?


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## mergirl (May 18, 2009)

Dear holiday

You were like a pubecent fumble behind the bikesheds. Fun and over too soon. (And involving a hot tub).
Please hurry up and happen again because this whole real life shit is frankly boring and hurts my brain. 

Yours jobbyjabbingly, The mergirl.


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## OneWickedAngel (May 18, 2009)

Ruffie,

Too bad you can't print that exactly as written in the contract. Might help alleviate some of the Bridezillas off your case.


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## BarbBBW (May 18, 2009)

*BEST OPENING LINE EVER!!!!!!*


Spanky said:


> Dear May,
> 
> Fuck you.
> 
> Spanky



PS love your new SIG LMFAO


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## Spanky (May 18, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> Damn Spanky!
> 
> I'm glad you're relatively okay. How's the knee doing ?
> 
> First the car now this? You are really having a time of it this month! I'm sorry about the skates, but seriously love, do you really think you should get anywhere near anything else with wheels right now?



Dear OWA,

I need to be near wheels. They are round and curvy. They rock and especially ROLL. Until they stop rolling. Then OUCH. 

Get the point? uhhhhh round? Ms. "Round Girl with an Edge". 

Lub, 

Spanky


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## OneWickedAngel (May 18, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Dear OWA,
> 
> I need to be near wheels. They are round and curvy. They rock and especially ROLL. Until they stop rolling. Then OUCH.
> 
> ...



*HAHAHA! Dear, Sir Spanks-a-Lot 

Point taken.

Your Faithful Pic Femme Fatale *:bow:


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## mszwebs (May 18, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Dear May,
> 
> Fuck you. You are going for the worst month ever. I mean I total my car with a black bear. Then this weekend I total my rollerblades in a mechanical failure resulting in a busted up knee and having to walk barefoot for over a mile, bleeding and bruised to my car.
> 
> ...



Dear Spankles,

The Mercury Retrograde is over on the 30th. Life will return to normal as of that date.

Worry not, it is currently wreaking havoc for your fellow NFL ruffians as well.

:wubu:,

Zwebsie


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## Spanky (May 18, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Dear Spankles,
> 
> The Mercury Retrograde is over on the 30th. Life will return to normal as of that date.
> 
> ...




Dear Zwebby-pants,

I don't know about in the drunk state of Wisconsin, but a "Mercury Retrograde" here in the People's Republic of Minnesota is what we call WINTER. 

Spankles

------------------------------------------
Dear mszwebs,

How many people do I know with a Z and a W in their name? And of that group, how many have the two freakin letters next to each other? Hmmmm? 

It is a damn conspiracy. 

Lub and keesses,

Spankly-pankly


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## Blackjack (May 19, 2009)

mszwebs said:


> Dear Spankles,
> 
> The Mercury Retrograde is over on the 30th. Life will return to normal as of that date.
> 
> ...



One thing I like about astrology is that there's always something in retrograde that you can blame for all your recent issues.


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## mszwebs (May 19, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> One thing I like about astrology is that there's always something in retrograde that you can blame for all your recent issues.



And one thing I love about Dimensions is that there is always a cynic ready to piss on a post.


:wubu::kiss2::batting: and every other smiley that applies....


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## Spanky (May 19, 2009)

Awww. 

You know I love you like a sister.........in Arkansas. Or maybe West Virginny. 



Hee Haw!


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## KHayes666 (May 19, 2009)

Dear Sony,

Congrats, you've finally made a virtually indestructable video game console and the games to go with it.

A few nights ago my uncle got piss drunk....literrally, he pissed all over my DVD/VCR player, PS3 and any un-opened DVD's that were nearby.

The Godfather 3 was totally discolored in the front and the back plus it still stinks, but I popped it in and it works just fine. Same with the console itself....not a skip or a glitch at all. I even tried a movie that was caught in the stream and the system played it no problem.

Its funny how a simple drop of water could fuck up a Sega Genesis game back in the day but a PS3 can be peed on and still work fine, god bless technology 

-
Hayes


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## D_A_Bunny (May 19, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Sony,
> 
> Congrats, you've finally made a virtually indestructable video game console and the games to go with it.
> 
> ...



Dude - you need to tell Sony. Maybe your uncle will be in their next commercial. And then he can buy you some new stuff that doesn't reek.


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## CleverBomb (May 19, 2009)

KHayes666 said:


> Dear Sony,
> 
> Congrats, you've finally made a virtually indestructable video game console and the games to go with it.
> 
> ...


Cool. I wouldn't have expected that from a Sony device.

If there was one game console that would have been designed to withstand that sort of abuse, I'd have thought it would be from Nintendo.

Yes, that's right...

The Wii.


-Rusty


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## KnottyOne (May 21, 2009)

Dear Female Coworkers,

REALLY!?!?!?! There is really a bet going around over who will sleep with me first? Oh man, I intend to exploit the hell out of this haha.

Sincerely,
The Newest Cute Guy


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## mergirl (May 21, 2009)

Dear newest cute guy

Find out if there is a 2nd, 3rd, 4rth place!!!! 

mer


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## Rowan (May 21, 2009)

KnottyOne said:


> Dear Female Coworkers,
> 
> REALLY!?!?!?! There is really a bet going around over who will sleep with me first? Oh man, I intend to exploit the hell out of this haha.
> 
> ...



Well now...if that isnt flattering...i dont know what is! lol


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## OneWickedAngel (May 21, 2009)

KnottyOne said:


> Dear Female Coworkers,
> 
> REALLY!?!?!?! There is really a bet going around over who will sleep with me first? Oh man, I intend to exploit the hell out of this haha.
> 
> ...





mergirl said:


> Dear newest cute guy
> 
> Find out if there is a 2nd, 3rd, 4rth place!!!!
> 
> mer





Rowan said:


> Well now...if that isnt flattering...i dont know what is! lol



*Triple laughs all around. Go forth and let the games begin Knotty! *
*PS: Rowan nice signature quote LOL!*


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## Blackjack_Jeeves (May 21, 2009)

To my 1999 Buick LeSabre:

Let's make a deal. You let me get to and from work the next couple of nights, and make one more long trip back home, and I promise you'll get your new alternator. I'll accept the frequent dying on me on the trip home, as I doubt I can avoid it at this point. I'm just hoping you don't need a new battery as well.

The man behind the wheel


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## Risible (May 21, 2009)

Dear Thread,

You been a good shoulder to cry on for so many griefs, and a good ear to listen to so many triumphs. I hate to do this, but you need a break, and I have to close you to make room for Part Deuce.

Thank you,

Risible


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