# What Happened To My Spunkiness?



## steely (Aug 6, 2009)

This is an idea from another thread, it really started me thinking,"What happened to that risk taking, spunky, give 'em hell girl I used to be? As another poster noted, I feel invisible now. Is it a midlife crisis, did I just stop caring, have I outgrown that need? I don't know but I miss her and I'd like to find her again. I know I'm not alone....


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 6, 2009)

Lol, I don't feel that way at all and I am screaming up on my 41st birthday in three weeks. I feel saner now....much more aware, wiser and alive now. 
It took me a long time to get to this place...it's what I have been working towards. 
I don't miss the insecurity/self-doubt, self-abuse and general craziness of my past days. The old saying about being as young as we feel- it's true. 

I don't need funky clothes, wild hair or a hot car to get attention now. I know exactly who it is I am looking to impress now...if anyone.....and they are sometimes dressed as boring as I am


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## bobbleheaddoll (Aug 6, 2009)

steely, you can still be spunky! your spunk is in there! it is just buried under the stress, responsibility and every other thing that we take on as our lives progress...

every once in awhile you need to spunk out! do an activity you would not normally do...go somewhere new...buy something a little funkier than you normally would...you don't have to do the goofy stuff we did as kids with weird colored hair or the high drama...it's just a matter of little changes that make you break out of your routine!

i am dragging the spunky outta you this weekend girl!


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## bobbleheaddoll (Aug 6, 2009)

ps. gef if this is you mellow..you must have been uber spunky as a youth!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 6, 2009)

bobbleheaddoll said:


> steely, you can still be spunky! your spunk is in there! it is just buried under the stress, responsibility and every other thing that we take on as our lives progress...
> 
> every once in awhile you need to spunk out! do an activity you would not normally do...go somewhere new...buy something a little funkier than you normally would...you don't have to do the goofy stuff we did as kids with weird colored hair or the high drama...it's just a matter of little changes that make you break out of your routine!
> 
> i am dragging the spunky outta you this weekend girl!



I think this is valuable advice- do something different...and do it JUST FOR YOU


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## steely (Aug 6, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol, I don't feel that way at all and I am screaming up on my 41st birthday in three weeks. I feel saner now....much more aware, wiser and alive now.
> It took me a long time to get to this place...it's what I have been working towards.
> I don't miss the insecurity/self-doubt, self-abuse and general craziness of my past days. The old saying about being as young as we feel- it's true.
> 
> I don't need funky clothes, wild hair or a hot car to get attention now. I know exactly who it is I am looking to impress now...if anyone.....and they are sometimes dressed as boring as I am



Got you beat, my 41st birthday is next Thursday. It's not even a matter of being outrageous, or the hair, it's not on the outside, it's inside. I don't have insecurity or self doubt, I know who I am.

It's choices and decisions that I make now are completely different than I used to make. I guess it's maturity. Making the decisions that benefit my life as a whole. I guess I just miss those jump in the car trips to the beach, letting things go, not being so responsible.

It may be burn out, after taking care of my husband and his illness's for the past 8 years, maybe I'm just burned out. I feel like I lost myself somewhere along the way. Maybe the me I could've been. I don't know, late night ramblings of a middle aged nut burger. LOL


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## steely (Aug 6, 2009)

bobbleheaddoll said:


> steely, you can still be spunky! your spunk is in there! it is just buried under the stress, responsibility and every other thing that we take on as our lives progress...
> 
> every once in awhile you need to spunk out! do an activity you would not normally do...go somewhere new...buy something a little funkier than you normally would...you don't have to do the goofy stuff we did as kids with weird colored hair or the high drama...it's just a matter of little changes that make you break out of your routine!
> 
> i am dragging the spunky outta you this weekend girl!



This is good advice, too. I rarely do things for myself. I take care of everything and everybody. I guess I'm stuck in a rut. Well, I will be going back to work in a few weeks maybe that will break me out of that rut.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 6, 2009)

steely said:


> Got you beat, my 41st birthday is next Thursday. It's not even a matter of being outrageous, or the hair, it's not on the outside, it's inside. I don't have insecurity or self doubt, I know who I am.
> 
> It's choices and decisions that I make now are completely different than I used to make. I guess it's maturity. Making the decisions that benefit my life as a whole. I guess I just miss those jump in the car trips to the beach, letting things go, not being so responsible.
> 
> *It may be burn out, after taking care of my husband and his illness's for the past 8 years, maybe I'm just burned out. I feel like I lost myself somewhere along the way. *Maybe the me I could've been. I don't know, late night ramblings of a middle aged nut burger. LOL



Being tired, feeling drained....I understand that.....and now have a more clear picture of what you are saying. Michelle's advice...it was good. Do something different....something you have always wanted to do. What have you always wanted to learn? Is there a class you could take? A particular book to read? Would getting your hair or nails done make you feel pampered? 
How about joining a local group to make new friends? 

I think you are onto something about the "always taking care of others and losing yourself". It happens.....and now you have to find you again. She's there......no worries


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## littlefairywren (Aug 6, 2009)

steely said:


> Got you beat, my 41st birthday is next Thursday. It's not even a matter of being outrageous, or the hair, it's not on the outside, it's inside. I don't have insecurity or self doubt, I know who I am.
> 
> It's choices and decisions that I make now are completely different than I used to make. I guess it's maturity. Making the decisions that benefit my life as a whole. I guess I just miss those jump in the car trips to the beach, letting things go, not being so responsible.
> 
> It may be burn out, after taking care of my husband and his illness's for the past 8 years, maybe I'm just burned out. I feel like I lost myself somewhere along the way. Maybe the me I could've been. I don't know, late night ramblings of a middle aged nut burger. LOL



I feel the same way. I used to do things without having a second thought and everything was tinged with that feeling of being young and impervious (in the sense that I was living in a bubble of self importance). I miss that feeling - minus the self importance, but then I also like not giving a rats about what people think about what I wear, or what I do. 

I am comfortable about my size now too and I did not have that in my young and impervious days! I think it is a combo of age, life and the fact that society is youth obsessed. You are over the hill before you're 25 these days I turned 41 in April by the way.....


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## steely (Aug 7, 2009)

kmdkml said:


> I feel the same way. I used to do things without having a second thought and everything was tinged with that feeling of being young and impervious (in the sense that I was living in a bubble of self importance). I miss that feeling - minus the self importance, but then I also like not giving a rats about what people think about what I wear, or what I do.
> 
> I am comfortable about my size now too and I did not have that in my young and impervious days! I think it is a combo of age, life and the fact that society is youth obsessed. You are over the hill before you're 25 these days I turned 41 in April by the way.....



You beat me! I know what you're saying, perhaps it is a trade off. I used to feel that there was so much to look forward to, now it's just being steady and responsible. Accepting of the fact that you are who you are and it is what it is. Life creeps on in this petty pace from day to day. I think I need to get out more.


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## littlefairywren (Aug 7, 2009)

steely said:


> You beat me! I know what you're saying, perhaps it is a trade off. I used to feel that there was so much to look forward to, now it's just being steady and responsible. Accepting of the fact that you are who you are and it is what it is. Life creeps on in this petty pace from day to day. *I think I need to get out more.*



I have started to do just that, I took up a painting class which I love. I was feeling really flat, always doing the same thing. Maybe that is the trick to getting back some pep. I am always amused by how invisible I do feel sometimes though, it's ironic considering how huge I really am


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## steely (Aug 7, 2009)

kmdkml said:


> I have started to do just that, I took up a painting class which I love. I was feeling really flat, always doing the same thing. Maybe that is the trick to getting back some pep. I am always amused by how invisible I do feel sometimes though, it's ironic considering how huge I really am



This is the perfect statement, How can I possibly feel invisible when I can be spotted from the moon? LOL I need to find something else to focus on. I could possibly volunteer or something. Anything to help someone else would be a positive thing. I know it's supposed to be for me but maybe it could be both. Hmmm....


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 7, 2009)

I used to be someone who took risks but that is all but gone now. In spring I would wear something daring or do something daring with my hair and by summer everybody was doing it. lol I've gotten so that now I don't want any attention drawn to me.

Last fall I wore boots. They weren't remarkable at all. Sit down, take a pencil, draw a picture of a boot - that's what they looked like. Plain knee boots. I wore them to work and you would have though I was dressed like an astronaut. I got double takes everywhere. People I know reared back and said, "Woah!! Check out those boots!" After the third overreaction I was livid. I never wore them again. What the hell's the matter with me? I never used to be that retiring. But then again, seriously... wtf!!! They were a pair of boots. This is New England, everybody wears boots. What, do I need a special permit to wear boots or something?


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## Tooz (Aug 7, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> I used to be someone who took risks but that is all but gone now. In spring I would wear something daring or do something daring with my hair and by summer everybody was doing it. lol I've gotten so that now I don't want any attention drawn to me.
> 
> Last fall I wore boots. They weren't remarkable at all. Sit down, take a pencil, draw a picture of a boot - that's what they looked like. Plain knee boots. I wore them to work and you would have though I was dressed like an astronaut. I got double takes everywhere. People I know reared back and said, "Woah!! Check out those boots!" After the third overreaction I was livid. I never wore them again. What the hell's the matter with me? I never used to be that retiring. But then again, seriously... wtf!!! They were a pair of boots. This is New England, everybody wears boots. What, do I need a special permit to wear boots or something?



Just say something like, "YEAH, I'M A HO. WHAT DO YOU WANT?" or something.


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## goofy girl (Aug 7, 2009)

Wow, can I relate to this. I think for me, it happened when I settled down.. I met my husband and got married, decided to start saving money for a condo, and making grown up decisions.

I've always told my friends that when I turned 30 it was the best thing ever...that I've felt more confident, and happier than I ever have. And it's true. But I think that for me, with that happiness and confidence and acceptance has come a bit of complacency, and a feeling of being content. Life isn't full of the adventures of 20-something-hood anymore, and I feel that while I'm am happier in my 30's, I've lost and really miss a part of myself. I don't feel sexy, I don't feel fun, I don't feel like there is a reason for anything I do.

I started school, taking all kinds of classes, picking up hobbies, volunteering...you name it..to try to recapture some of that spark I feel like I've lost. I'm enjoying all of it, but I haven't managed to get that feeling back yet.

And I'm by no means unhappy, I just feel like there's a big piece of me that's missing.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Aug 7, 2009)

goofy girl said:


> Wow, can I relate to this. I think for me, it happened when I settled down.. I met my husband and got married, decided to start saving money for a condo, and making grown up decisions.
> 
> I've always told my friends that when I turned 30 it was the best thing ever...that I've felt more confident, and happier than I ever have. And it's true. But I think that for me, with that happiness and confidence and acceptance has come a bit of complacency, and a feeling of being content. *Life isn't full of the adventures of 20-something-hood anymore, and I feel that while I'm am happier in my 30's, I've lost and really miss a part of myself. I don't feel sexy, I don't feel fun, I don't feel like there is a reason for anything I do.*
> 
> ...



The bolded part is exactly how I feel.

I am 100% happy in my marriage...about 80% happy with where I live (I'm slowly getting there!!!! lol) But a HUGE part of me is gone.

The independent spontaneous I-don't-give-a-flying-fuck-what-you-think girl is gone

I hardly wear make up because once I hit 30 my good skin ran away and got married and Mr bad skin took up residence on my face!! If I wear make up for 1 day my face is red and blotchy for 2 weeks afterwards So I don't make the effort usually.

I don't know if it is age, circumstance, weight gain or a combination of all of the 3, but I have lost myself. I actually wrote a poem about losing myself somewhere in Heathrow airport because I feel like when I landed in this country I became an entirely different person. And it's kinda depressing. When I lived in Boise I thought I was the coolest thing since sliced bread...and I had friends who made me feel that way as well. Here...I don't have that. I've slowly made some good friends...but because I am mostly housebound in the country (everywhere requires miles of walking) I don't get out much and I'm a boring bump on the couch.

I'm hoping this will change when my situation changes a little. I feel like that spunky girl is still in there somewhere...she's just resting up for the big coming out party


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## OneWickedAngel (Aug 7, 2009)

I was crazy in my teens. The living personification of "Don't Give A Fuck". When I became pregnant, I made the choice to calm down some and I got married. I was still fun, just not reckless. But yes, I went so far in the opposite direction, turning myself into the semi-quintessential Mom, Wife, Employee and the subset of those there in, that I lost nearly everything that made me, _ME_. I did not recognize myself any more.

I realized one day I had not written a poem in nearly twenty years. TWENTY YEARS. I picked up my pen again. And the first poem I wrote after such a hiatus? Somewhere. I have since written over 400 poems in the past five years since I started writing again. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was the first of many steps in reclaiming me. I will never be as bad and as bold as I was in my late teens/early 20's, aging is aging after all, but after a few unexpected life changes I can say that I have reclaimed the core bravado of me. It's just tempered with a little maturity. Here's an extreme example but a fitting one: If you had told me as little as ten years ago, I'd voluntarily pose naked on the internet, I'd have cussed you out royally for insulting my intelligence. After all who'd want to see naked fat woman as something other than jokes or freaks? Can you say Adipositivity.com and Dimensionsmagazine.com anyone? I think we all know the answer to that question.

The above advice of doing just one thing for yourself and only yourself is the key. I will just add, you can't just do it once, you have to continue with it or you may wind right back in the same rut you're trying to figure your way out of now. Also note, the more out of your "normal" routine it takes you, be prepared for potential backlash. You're just not breaking your own mold, but also that nice quiet category which your family has placed you in as well. They as well as you will have to readjust your respective mindsets as to who were and who you are working towards being and it's an ongoing process. When every one sees (especially when you feel) how much happier you are, soon enough the unusual becomes your norm. 

For me it started with promising myself to get my nails done regularly and writing a simple poem now and then. Yes, very simple things, but oh so important at that time and build on from there. All the rest slowly takes place as far as you need it to.


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 7, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> For me it started with promising myself to get my nails done regularly and writing a simple poem now and then. Yes, very simple things, but oh so important at that time and build on from there. All the rest slowly takes place as far as you need it to.



Yes. And, yes  

I can't afford to pamper myself as I'd like to be pampered, with massages and facials and frequent pedi/manicures, etc. But I do make it a point to indulge in at least one of these things at least once a month. The money could definitely be spent elsewhere, even at that ... *but if I don't make ME a priority, nobody else will.* My husband has the best of intentions, but it would never occur to him to ask me to take a break, far less tell me to go out and spend money. I can't even say how much it helps, to actually schedule some time away from my sweet but oh-so-needy little family. When I'm knee-deep in chores, or reading the same book to my toddler for the zillionth time in the last hour, or sitting at my desk and watching someone in despair who is struggling not to fall completely apart (thankfully, these are not my problems but it is draining to deal with other people's issues on a daily basis) I will think about how on Saturday, I'm going to spend 5 hours in Barnes & Noble, with nothing on my agenda but a cup of really good espresso and my only problem for that afternoon is going to be which book to buy with the $20 I've set aside.


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Aug 7, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> ... *but if I don't make ME a priority, nobody else will.* My husband has the best of intentions, but it would never occur to him to ask me to take a break, far less tell me to go out and spend money.



I think they purposely left that chapter out of the "how to be a prefect hubby" book, cos mine doesn't either....He doesn't pamper me like I pamper him and sometimes it irritates me and then I remember he is a man and a lot of men, not all....are too into their needs and wants to realise they should be giving as much as they are getting.


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 7, 2009)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I think they purposely left that chapter out of the "how to be a prefect hubby" book, cos mine doesn't either....He doesn't pamper me like I pamper him and sometimes it irritates me and then I remember he is a man and a lot of men, not all....are too into their needs and wants to realise they should be giving as much as they are getting.



We used to fight about that ... a lot. I'd feel resentful because I was carrying what I thought was well over 50% of the load. Then one day I realized (with some help, frankly ... ) that I was expecting him to read my mind, because *I* felt so attuned to his needs, and I felt he should be to mine as well. He's not. He's just ... not. So rather than fighting about it, or feeling resentful, I started telling him exactly what I want & need from him. He's wonderful about making sure that these things happen, so long as he knows what I'm asking for. It would be nice, if one day he just suddenly realized that while I'm cooking a meal, keeping an eye on our child, cleaning as I go, and he's upstairs with a beer and the remote .... hey ... maybe it's time to do a load of laundry! Not going to happen. So I just ask, nicely, and it gets done.


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## littlefairywren (Aug 7, 2009)

steely said:


> This is the perfect statement, How can I possibly feel invisible when I can be spotted from the moon? LOL I need to find something else to focus on. I could possibly volunteer or something. Anything to help someone else would be a positive thing. I know it's supposed to be for me but maybe it could be both. Hmmm....



Isn't that funny, I can be spotted from the moon too Volunteering is a fantastic idea steely, win win on both sides.....yes


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## Ruffie (Aug 8, 2009)

I think for me there was a shift in me a number of years ago. I have always been defined by roles;wife,daughter mother Khokum, friend, boss whatever and felt that people didn't see the real Ruth and yes there are days I still feel like this. However I think that somewhere in my mid thirties after going through a particularly rough time where I felt like a victim I decided to step up the spunk a little more. I wrote in a journal, took more education, studied under an elder, sought advice from good friends..etc. As a result let me share a couple of stories;
Recently two of my closest friends (guys) introduced me to another friend of theirs at the bar by saying " This is Ruth, she is a real bitch" and then laughed. At first I was taken a back and then after some thought-I realized that this was a real compliment to me. At one part in my life I used to be a real doormat. Would do things just to be popular, to please people, not say anything to rock the boat and so on. Both of these guys have been my friends for a number of years and have seen me making those changes little bit by little bit. Facing my fears and doing things I didn't think I could, beginning to believe in all that I am and could be and standing for myself.

And also I was in the tire shop my son works in after getting some work done on our van that cost us thirteen hundred bucks. I wanted to know the warranty on the work and when no one at the front could tell me I said someone better find out and call us and just know even though the work was contracted out if something goes wrong I will be back here to visit you fellas and so on. The guys at break asked Rob how it is that his parents were together. Rob replied saying well they love each other and have been married for almost 24 years now. He said to my son "No your dad is unassuming, quiet, keeps to himself and your mom well your mom just wants to be heard."

The old me would have been offended by these stories. After putting allot of work into myself and moving forward they are right. I am a nice person but can be a real bitch if you mess with me and yes oh yes I want to be heard.
Ruth


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 8, 2009)

Had a dinner meet up this evening with Steely (Amy), Bobbleheaddoll (Michelle), TheatrmuseKara (Kara) and myself.....and we decided that this thread needs to be renamed "How Steely Got Her Spunk Back" 

We talked about this thread over dinner and Michelle urged Amy to try on some lip color to see how it made her feel....we all wound up donating a lip color for Amy to try. We thought the first one she tried out was best....so Michelle gave it to her to keep. It was nice how it turned into a kind of "girls night out". 

Some pics.....


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## littlefairywren (Aug 8, 2009)

Lovely photos, I love seeing pics of everyone seeing as how I will probably never get to meet any of you. So this is the next best thing:happy: None of you GEF?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 8, 2009)

kmdkml said:


> Lovely photos, I love seeing pics of everyone seeing as how I will probably never get to meet any of you. So this is the next best thing:happy: None of you GEF?




All the other pictures from dinner are in this thread  

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1247110


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## BarbBBW (Aug 8, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Had a dinner meet up this evening with Steely (Amy), Bobbleheaddoll (Michelle), TheatrmuseKara (Kara) and myself.....and we decided that this thread needs to be renamed "How Steely Got Her Spunk Back"
> 
> We talked about this thread over dinner and Michelle urged Amy to try on some lip color to see how it made her feel....we all wound up donating a lip color for Amy to try. We thought the first one she tried out was best....so Michelle gave it to her to keep. It was nice how it turned into a kind of "girls night out".
> 
> Some pics.....



I am completely jealous!! I would love to have a nice girls night out with you guys!! my favs!


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## littlefairywren (Aug 9, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> All the other pictures from dinner are in this thread
> 
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1247110



Thank you, you all look lovely and I love your top!


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## steely (Aug 9, 2009)

kmdkml said:


> Lovely photos, I love seeing pics of everyone seeing as how I will probably never get to meet any of you. So this is the next best thing:happy: None of you GEF?



The best pictures were of GEF! It was a lot of fun and seeing as I never wear make up, it was like playing dress up. Lol I wish you all could've been with us. We had such a great time.


That would be good, Barb. There are few people I know who are spunkier than you. A little might rub off.

Thanks ladies, I'm feeling spunkier already.


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## OneWickedAngel (Aug 9, 2009)

steely said:


> The best pictures were of GEF! It was a lot of fun and seeing *as I never wear make up, it was like playing dress up*. Lol I wish you all could've been with us. We had such a great time.
> 
> 
> That would be good, Barb. There are few people I know who are spunkier than you. A little might rub off.
> ...



*Since you were given the lipstick, I nominate your next act of regular spunk be to wear it at least once a week. Don't wait for special occasions; when the Lord graces us to see another day it's a special occasion. 
Take baby steps -- wear the lipstick!:kiss2:*


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## steely (Aug 9, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> *Since you were given the lipstick, I nominate your next act of regular spunk be to wear it at least once a week. Don't wait for special occasions; when the Lord graces us to see another day it's a special occasion.
> Take baby steps -- wear the lipstick!:kiss2:*



I'm working on it. A little bit of spunk every day.


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## littlefairywren (Aug 9, 2009)

I don't know about anyone else, but to feel all nice and maybe a bit cheeky there is nothing like wearing really pretty underwear. No one else knows, and sometimes that is part of the charm


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## OneHauteMama (Aug 10, 2009)

I felt the same way for a loooong time. What happened was my ex-husband done sucked the life right outta me! He made me feel like being ME wasn't good enough for him or anybody else. He made it seem as if the person I am is someone who no one in society would like. So I eventually believed it and lost who I was and how I was and I was just...blah. I didn't enjoy anything anymore. Now that I'm renewing old friendships and being around normal people more (if you can call my family normal), I'm finding that I'm getting my humor back, my insane personality, and my spark...my unpredictable nature, my wit, everything is coming back and I'm feeling alive again. I think what I needed was to remember who I was before and work toward getting that back. Not the immaturity (because I was only still a "kid" when I got married), but the fun-loving qualities and the parts of my personality that people love.


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## ashmamma84 (Aug 10, 2009)

OneWickedAngel said:


> *Since you were given the lipstick, I nominate your next act of regular spunk be to wear it at least once a week. Don't wait for special occasions; when the Lord graces us to see another day it's a special occasion.
> Take baby steps -- wear the lipstick!:kiss2:*



This is something I was talking to my mother about the other day. She told me that she grew up in an era when you'd save your "good perfume" or your "good dress" for a special occasion. However she never raised me like that so sometimes she'd ask me why I was all gussied up or where was I going because I had on a dress and heels, etc. And I feel like there's something to celebrate everyday so I do with adornments! 

Great advice, OWA!


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## olwen (Aug 10, 2009)

Steely, it sounds like you're just in a rut.  The remedy is to start doing something you always wanted to do, but never did or as OWA recommends take baby steps and wear the lipstick once a week. I have days where I want to wear lipstick, but I don't want it to be obvious so I have a few lipsticks that are the same color as my lips or my skin, and since I wear glasses I amp it up on the eye makeup: smudge eyeliner, blended neutral tones, and mascara. Then I feel like I'm wearing makeup but not really.


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## steely (Aug 10, 2009)

olwen said:


> Steely, it sounds like you're just in a rut.  The remedy is to start doing something you always wanted to do, but never did or as OWA recommends take baby steps and wear the lipstick once a week. I have days where I want to wear lipstick, but I don't want it to be obvious so I have a few lipsticks that are the same color as my lips or my skin, and since I wear glasses I amp it up on the eye makeup: smudge eyeliner, blended neutral tones, and mascara. Then I feel like I'm wearing makeup but not really.



I wore the lipstick today......


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## OneWickedAngel (Aug 11, 2009)

steely said:


> I wore the lipstick today......



*YEA STEELY!!!*


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 11, 2009)

OneHauteMama said:


> I felt the same way for a loooong time. What happened was my ex-husband done sucked the life right outta me! He made me feel like being ME wasn't good enough for him or anybody else. He made it seem as if the person I am is someone who no one in society would like. So I eventually believed it and lost who I was and how I was and I was just...blah. I didn't enjoy anything anymore. Now that I'm renewing old friendships and being around normal people more (if you can call my family normal), I'm finding that I'm getting my humor back, my insane personality, and my spark...my unpredictable nature, my wit, everything is coming back and I'm feeling alive again. I think what I needed was to remember who I was before and work toward getting that back. Not the immaturity (because I was only still a "kid" when I got married), but the fun-loving qualities and the parts of my personality that people love.


This is exactly what has happened to me since not only breaking up with my ex-husband....but also the ex-bf I had for two years. Wow, I jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire with that one.....but I'm wiser now. And feeling more like myself every day. 

Being single....it really IS a good thing for some people  



steely said:


> I wore the lipstick today......


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## olwen (Aug 11, 2009)

steely said:


> I wore the lipstick today......



Wonderful. So well, how did it feel?


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## bobbleheaddoll (Aug 11, 2009)

yeah steely! let your mojo flow!!!


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## steely (Aug 12, 2009)

Very odd...... I guess it's going to take a little practice doing things for me. I'm not used to it.


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## steely (Aug 12, 2009)

bobbleheaddoll said:


> yeah steely! let your mojo flow!!!



I'm working on it!


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## littlefairywren (Aug 12, 2009)

steely said:


> Very odd...... I guess it's going to take a little practice doing things for me. I'm not used to it.



I started off wearing some perfume and now it has become a nice little ritual every morning. It always lifts my mood


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## mossystate (Aug 12, 2009)

Sisterhood Of The Traveling Lipstick



:kiss2:


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## olwen (Aug 12, 2009)

kmdkml said:


> I started off wearing some perfume and now it has become a nice little ritual every morning. It always lifts my mood



I started doing that a couple years ago. Only I wear body spray since full on perfume makes my nose itch. I've gotten to a point where I feel naked without a little spritz every day.


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## olwen (Aug 12, 2009)

steely said:


> Very odd...... I guess it's going to take a little practice doing things for me. I'm not used to it.



This does take getting used to. I still forget to reapply after meals sometimes.


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## steely (Aug 12, 2009)

I have two beautiful bottles of perfume sitting on the dresser, waiting for a special occsion. I've worn them maybe twice. I guess it's time for me to BE the special occasion.


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## bobbleheaddoll (Aug 12, 2009)

lipstick and perfume...i am so proud of you! 

you'll be spunktastic!


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## steely (Aug 12, 2009)

bobbleheaddoll said:


> lipstick and perfume...i am so proud of you!
> 
> you'll be spunktastic!



My best cheerleader!


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## littlefairywren (Aug 13, 2009)

steely said:


> I have two beautiful bottles of perfume sitting on the dresser, waiting for a special occsion. I've worn them maybe twice. *I guess it's time for me to BE the special occasion*.



By jove I think she's got it!! I never leave anything for a special occasion anymore, why wait I say. If even the smallest thing you do for yourself makes you feel good it has to be worth it....


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 13, 2009)

Since it's your birthday- perhaps wear your favorite outfit with your lipstick and perfume tonight?


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## ashmamma84 (Aug 13, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Since it's your birthday- perhaps wear your favorite outfit with your lipstick and perfume tonight?



Happy BDay, Steely!  Make it a fabulous one, girl! 

I co-sign this idea. And if you're really feeling sassy; post a pic on Rainy's natural fiber thread!


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 15, 2009)

In an attempt to try to regain my spunk I've signed up for adult education classes to begin this fall. One is for sewing. Im tired of wearing frumpy drab clothes. It's time to finally get proactive and learn how to make my own stuff dammit. And I took an organizing class. Self improvement and all that. *WHARR* :happy:


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## steely (Aug 15, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> In an attempt to try to regain my spunk I've signed up for adult education classes to begin this fall. One is for sewing. Im tired of wearing frumpy drab clothes. It's time to finally get proactive and learn how to make my own stuff dammit. And I took an organizing class. Self improvement and all that. *WHARR* :happy:



Good for you! I tried that, my sewing machine is glaring at me from the dining room. It's just lucky it's not down the hill in the creek. All I wanted to sew was a duvet cover, I mean for heaven's sake it's basically a big pillowcase.
We've called a draw at that the moment.

Good Luck on your classes, I hope you'll enjoy them.


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## LillyBBBW (Aug 15, 2009)

steely said:


> Good for you! I tried that, my sewing machine is glaring at me from the dining room. It's just lucky it's not down the hill in the creek. All I wanted to sew was a duvet cover, I mean for heaven's sake it's basically a big pillowcase.
> We've called a draw at that the moment.
> 
> Good Luck on your classes, I hope you'll enjoy them.



They had another class there that takles place on a saturday afternoon. It's called Dating 101 and it looks SO fun and interesting. :smitten: Only problem is it takes place during the Jersey bash so I will have to miss it. I'm keeping my eyes open for the next one though. That should be fun fun fun.



Class Description said:


> If you want to learn how to meet and attract new people, this course is for you.
> 
> Delve into what keeps you back from having successful interactions with people you are attracted to and find the solutions to those issues, while understanding the process of meeting and attracting someone. Topics to be covered include, approach anxiety (why you have it, where it comes from and how to handle it), being a good conversationalist (how to avoid the interview and still get the answers you are looking for), body language, flirting, identifying signs that someone is interested, image presentation and timing risks (when to ask for the number, date, etc.). There will be in-class demonstrations so everyone can get a clearer idea of what to look for and an open Q&A to answer any questions. People who have been having a hard time getting dates, creating attraction or just flat out approaching attractive people will be able to use the material learned in this class the moment they walk out.


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## steely (Aug 15, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> They had another class there that takles place on a saturday afternoon. It's called Dating 101 and it looks SO fun and interesting. :smitten: Only problem is it takes place during the Jersey bash so I will have to miss it. I'm keeping my eyes open for the next one though. That should be fun fun fun.



Sounds terrifying, I should see if they have one at the local college!


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## steely (Aug 19, 2009)

I have taken a hit to my spunkiness. I was feeling it and it dropped me again, maybe I need to be medicated or sedated. Either way I probably wouldn't care. :huh: Spunkiness would not be an issue.


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## littlefairywren (Aug 19, 2009)

steely said:


> I have taken a hit to my spunkiness. I was feeling it and it dropped me again, maybe I need to be medicated or sedated. Either way I probably wouldn't care. :huh: Spunkiness would not be an issue.



Don't let it get the best of you!! You just keep putting on the lipstick and give yourself a spritz of perfume, maybe even buy yourself a little treat because you are worth it.......it will come back


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## stan_der_man (Aug 19, 2009)

I just wanted to say, I hadn't seen the pics of your gathering... It looks like you all had a good time together! Great pictures! 

If I may add to the thread... Whether it male or female, I think the daily grind of life wears us all down if we let it. I know personally, I went through a period where I gave up on many of my goals in life... living by the beach... having the house of my dreams the car of my dreams, being financially stuck where I was or whatever. I saw the same thing happen to my mom and dad and I vowed that I'd never let it happen to me but it seemed like I was following in their footsteps.

I basically rediscovered things that used to make me happy and started doing them. Getting together with my classmates, going on outings with Dimmers... things that didn't cost that much but were fun and were a change of scenery. I don't think I'm as spunky or spontaneous as I used to be, but I think I have a lot more certainty in my life now which I didn't have when I was younger. That's one thing I don't particularly miss... Even though it seemed like the "sky was the limit" when I was young, and the dating scene was fun in some ways... it was also a very lonely time for me.

I don't really know where I'm going with this Steely... I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I think everybody has these same feelings to a certain extent... and it's all part of getting older but if we can rediscover the little things that made us happy that's the next best thing.


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## steely (Aug 20, 2009)

fa_man_stan said:


> I just wanted to say, I hadn't seen the pics of your gathering... It looks like you all had a good time together! Great pictures!
> 
> If I may add to the thread... Whether it male or female, I think the daily grind of life wears us all down if we let it. I know personally, I went through a period where I gave up on many of my goals in life... living by the beach... having the house of my dreams the car of my dreams, being financially stuck where I was or whatever. I saw the same thing happen to my mom and dad and I vowed that I'd never let it happen to me but it seemed like I was following in their footsteps.
> 
> ...



We did have a nice time, we always do when we get together. They are great women. Still would love to meet all you Cali people, you look like you have such a good time.

I'm thinking it's a midlife crisis. I have more certainty now than I ever have and to be honest it drags me to the ground. I guess it's just a rut and it doesn't seem like perfume and lipstick is going to help, not that it isn't fun. It goes deeper than that because those things don't mean that much to me. I love the girls for trying and I still do it. I don't know, I'm babbling now. Thanks for the advice though, I guess I need to get in touch with the inner me. Find out what makes me happy, if I can remember. :bow:


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## bobbleheaddoll (Aug 20, 2009)

steely, i get that some things need more than just a great shade of lipstick :kiss2:

just know my darling we adore and love you just as you are...sweet, kind, beautiful, wonderful you!  

now start that soul searching...that spunky chic is in there and when you find her the mojo will flow!


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## steely (Aug 20, 2009)

bobbleheaddoll said:


> steely, i get that some things need more than just a great shade of lipstick :kiss2:
> 
> just know my darling we adore and love you just as you are...sweet, kind, beautiful, wonderful you!
> 
> now start that soul searching...that spunky chic is in there and when you find her the mojo will flow!



Awww, thank you sweets! I sent you a message.


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## bobbleheaddoll (Aug 28, 2009)

steely...we need a spunky update...what have you done this week to get your spunk on?


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## mossystate (Aug 28, 2009)

There has to be a better word we can use. I am afraid of what my brain does with that word.


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## steely (Aug 28, 2009)

bobbleheaddoll said:


> steely...we need a spunky update...what have you done this week to get your spunk on?



Oh lord, I've been put on the spot. I went to the dentist, getting your teeth cleaned could be considered spunky. LOL I'm grasping at straws, really bad.


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## steely (Aug 28, 2009)

mossystate said:


> There has to be a better word we can use. I am afraid of what my brain does with that word.



You... you are so bad.  Actually I think that too, I'm so bad.


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## ashmamma84 (Aug 28, 2009)

steely said:


> You... you are so bad.  Actually I think that too, I'm so bad.



Um...me too. 

:blush:


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## littlefairywren (Aug 28, 2009)

ashmamma84 said:


> Um...me too.
> 
> :blush:



Me too, means the same here But when you guys discuss fannies it makes me giggle because over here that would be a "front bottom" lol


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 30, 2009)

For the record, I like the word "groove" myself.....yes, I'm still playing on 

How Steely got her groove back 


Oh....and it just occurred to me why I still feel so....in the groove. :batting:


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## OneHauteMama (Aug 31, 2009)

bobbleheaddoll said:


> steely...we need a spunky update...what have you done this week to get your spunk on?




Ew!


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## imfree (Aug 31, 2009)

steely said:


> You... you are so bad.  Actually I think that too, I'm so bad.



(I couldn't resist being silly) I'm so bad, betcha'
know this thread is about me, I'm so bad.......

There, that's my spunk, you know, just being
out of the hosp less than a week.

Carly Simon-You're So Vain(Nice live version)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGTpuB_ue5U

(Sorry they trashed it with a few sec's of junk video)

The BIG SECRET:
Carly wrote the song about.......














ALL HUMAN MALES!!!!!!!!


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## imfree (Aug 31, 2009)

imfree said:


> (I couldn't resist being silly) ...snipped....



I jumped into this thread and forum without 
paying attention to where I was. I'm sorry
for jumping in here.


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## steely (Aug 31, 2009)

imfree said:


> (I couldn't resist being silly) I'm so bad, betcha'
> know this thread is about me, I'm so bad.......
> 
> There, that's my spunk, you know, just being
> ...



You can post funny things about my spunkiness, I think. I know I appreciated the laugh. I thought it was Warren Beatty she wrote it about. I like Carly Simon but I bet you knew that.


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## bobbleheaddoll (Aug 31, 2009)

ok...i'll use groovy...lol. 

so steely...how goes it?


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## steely (Sep 1, 2009)

bobbleheaddoll said:


> ok...i'll use groovy...lol.
> 
> so steely...how goes it?



Not so great at the moment, some issues are bothering me. I wish I knew GEF's secret.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 2, 2009)

steely said:


> Not so great at the moment, some issues are bothering me. I wish I knew GEF's secret.



Lol, "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" is a novel by Terri McMillen about a 40 year old woman that went on vacation to an exotic spot and had an affair with a 21 year old man.(It is also a movie starring Angela Bassett) Do you now understand where my "groove" comes from sometimes


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## steely (Sep 2, 2009)

Crystal clear, don't think that's an option for me but go, you!


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## mossystate (Sep 4, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol, "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" is a novel by Terri McMillen about a 40 year old woman that went on vacation to an exotic spot and had an affair with a 21 year old man.(It is also a movie starring Angela Bassett) Do you now understand where my "groove" comes from sometimes



Just don't think about the real story behind all that........it was a hellish mess and a half!!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 4, 2009)

mossystate said:


> Just don't think about the real story behind all that........it was a hellish mess and a half!!




It beats being married hands down so...who cares anyways


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