# an FA Lost in Life...?



## size-surprise (Nov 19, 2011)

Lol so im a very young man (18) living in the snowy region of Canada... and im sorta having personal issues at the moment... I don't know what it is, but like i feel like i have a long life ahead of me in the women area... Now im not bad looking or lonely (I talk to many girls and have plenty of friends i see on a daily basis.... Infact i just had a girl from my old highschool hit on me) 
but the issue is that im not attracted to girls like those... All my life i have sorta known i was an FA... and when i was dating my girlfriend (skinny) i had to break up with her cuz i couldn't hold in my FA thoughts and desires.... 
I donno where to look for a girl of my dreams (i like em either chubby, or skinny and gaining weight)...?
I donno what to do...?

any sort of advice or support you give me is awsum


----------



## davidburton (Nov 19, 2011)

Step 1. Find chubby girl.
Step 2. Determine if you like her.
Step 3. See how it goes from there.

I don't see what the problem is....


----------



## OneFAsView (Nov 19, 2011)

size-surprise said:


> Lol so im a very young man (18) living in the snowy region of Canada... and im sorta having personal issues at the moment... I don't know what it is, but like i feel like i have a long life ahead of me in the women area... Now im not bad looking or lonely (I talk to many girls and have plenty of friends i see on a daily basis.... Infact i just had a girl from my old highschool hit on me)
> but the issue is that im not attracted to girls like those... All my life i have sorta known i was an FA... and when i was dating my girlfriend (skinny) i had to break up with her cuz i couldn't hold in my FA thoughts and desires....
> I donno where to look for a girl of my dreams (i like em either chubby, or skinny and gaining weight)...?
> I donno what to do...?
> ...



Friend, no need to be angry. You are more fortunate than I was at 18 to have the information from the Net at your disposal. 

You are an FA, as are many of us. Use the ability of searching the Internet, stay on Dimensions, hook up with some of the BBW groups by major city. 
There is likely one in each of the principal cities in Canada.

This means if you don't find the right BBW in your town, travel and possibly some relocation would be in order. That of course would need to line up with your other plans for life. 

Are you off to University? What an opportunity there to meet BBWs.

The point is, if you have not traveled, there are scores of great places in North America to visit, if not relocate...use the Internet to see what BBW scenes are in that region, and go for it. 

BTW, if you are angry at all related to some stigma of being an FA, that is because you are 18. 
Wait about 10-15 years, and you will get over that.


----------



## tigerlily (Nov 19, 2011)

When you say you don't know what to do, do you mean that you're unsure of how to build something of substance with a curvilicious female once you do meet her? Or do you mean something else entirely? 

I understand your frustration. As an FFA, my struggles are similiar, made even more difficult by my geographic location. Meeting a large person can be quite challenging, depending on where you are. I read some data that showed there wasn't a huge disparity between the two nations in terms of the average body size for women (don't remember what it said about men), though I didn't think they had the obesity "problem" that the U.S. has. 

I think the thing that has really helped me meeting large 'n sexy dudes is living within driving distance (2-3 hours, depending on how romantic I'm feeling) to a large city where there are activites and places that cater to the fat-acceptance community. The internet has been very useful as well, but I would discourage overt searching tactics on sites not geared at primarily hooking couples up as it can read as predatory.


----------



## size-surprise (Nov 20, 2011)

Thanks everyone, all this feedback has helped me out alot... Im surprised to run into such knowledgeable people so easy  
It seems you guys have experience everything there is to know about FA relationships...
Now when i said i was having issues, its because I can't decide between two relationship types...
- Natural BBW 
- Turned BBW 
It seems the second option would give me more of a rush, or tighter bond, but either way id be happy... Just i feel like things could go terribly wrong if i got in a relationship with a Natural BBW, cuz she might not understand i like her that way....

Ontop of all this, like i said i had to break up with my girl friend... And like i liked her, and have somewhat gotten over it, but she still holds onto it deeply...
She re-bounded, and is now dating some random dude and posts everything she does with him on Facebook and often times tries to get my attention.... 
The meaning of all this is, that i felt i was being unfair to her, by expressing my FA'ness on her... and especially if she noticed, and she was uncomfortable with it....

After that i started getting frustrated pondering how one would run into a mutual FA... met some random starter FA's online... and then got even more frustrated when they stopped talking to me...


----------



## Fat Brian (Nov 20, 2011)

Since you have some specific things you want in a relationship you shoud be upfront with the people you date about these things. It might not be first date subject matter but before things get serious you should put all your cards on the table. Also, bear in mind that just because a woman is BBW when you start a relationship with her doesn't mean that that is as big as she will get. If she already has a desire to get bigger but is not acting on it or if she really has her mind changed by your interest in her there is no telling how much she might gain.


----------



## size-surprise (Nov 20, 2011)

Thanks Brian... so should i explain to my ex why i broke up with her... or just be done with it...
She's under the impression right now that i was just too stressed out to date her :S


----------



## Fat Brian (Nov 20, 2011)

You can tell her if you like, maybe as practice for the next time. If you do I would tell her that you are attracted for fat women and that the relationship just didn't work for you. Don't make her feel like anything was her fault, tell her that it wasn't fair to either of you to stay together when you weren't attracted to her, again, that's not her fault. I'm not entirely sure this is the best course of action though, this could get messy very quickly. On the other hand, if she is waiting around thinking you will get back with her maybe telling her will help her move on.


----------



## size-surprise (Nov 20, 2011)

Now quick question... If people were to find out about this fetish i had... Would you assume it would be a negative outlook people would give me? Cuz alot of the girls i know well and have told, see it as a positive, cuz they feel id love a girl for who they were instead of the thin figure they strive for... ?


----------



## tigerlily (Nov 20, 2011)

size-surprise said:


> Now quick question... If people were to find out about this fetish i had... Would you assume it would be a negative outlook people would give me? Cuz alot of the girls i know well and have told, see it as a positive, cuz they feel id love a girl for who they were instead of the thin figure they strive for... ?



I would assume that you'd generally be poorly judged if people knew the truth about your preferences, but that is based on my own experiences dating larger men. Strangers, do it, but I find it's usually worse with friends, because they tend to think we're "settling for less". 

Are you sure you're 18, mate? God. I haven't even figured out half the stuff you're asking questions about.


----------



## size-surprise (Nov 20, 2011)

lol yeah... Ive had one relationship.... well 1 and a half 
and anyways... i told my ex 

and thanks tigerlily


----------



## SanDiega (Nov 21, 2011)

size-surprise said:


> Lol so im a very young man (18) living in the snowy region of Canada... and im sorta having personal issues at the moment... I don't know what it is, but like i feel like i have a long life ahead of me in the women area... Now im not bad looking or lonely (I talk to many girls and have plenty of friends i see on a daily basis.... Infact i just had a girl from my old highschool hit on me)
> but the issue is that im not attracted to girls like those... All my life i have sorta known i was an FA... and when i was dating my girlfriend (skinny) i had to break up with her cuz i couldn't hold in my FA thoughts and desires....
> I donno where to look for a girl of my dreams (i like em either chubby, or skinny and gaining weight)...?
> I donno what to do...?
> ...




Just acknowledging that this is what you want it is first step. It was the same way for me, I dated skinny guys even though I was not attracted to them. I finally just had to accept this about myself and move forward, and I find when you are honest with yourself people are more receptive.


----------



## Fat Brian (Nov 21, 2011)

size-surprise said:


> Now quick question... If people were to find out about this fetish i had... Would you assume it would be a negative outlook people would give me? Cuz alot of the girls i know well and have told, see it as a positive, cuz they feel id love a girl for who they were instead of the thin figure they strive for... ?



The reaction you get tends to be dictated by the type of family and friends you have. If your family is fat hating and judgmental you can expect some problems, the same with your friends. If, on the other hand, they support you and don't judge people based on their appearance you will probably not get much resistance. I didn't get any flak from my family or friends, more so due to my not caring what they thought than anything else.

Another thing you need to do is decide if you have a fetish or a preference. A fetish is something that you cannot live without, it is the only part of sex that excites you and if it's not there you aren't interested. With a fetish you care more about the object of your fetish than the person you are with. A preference is something you like and it's good if your partner meets it but you can function in a relationship if it's not there. I have a preference for brunettes but if I fell in love with a red head I wouldn't make her dye her hair. The importance of this is two fold, one, if you don't have a fetish, don't tell people you have a fetish, it makes you sound creepy. Even if you do have a fetish don't frame it as a fetish when telling your friends and family, it sounds creepy. Two, if you do have a fetish its good to know as it can be problematic if you are with someone who doesn't share at least some of your desires. If you have a fetish and it prevents you from being in a not fat based relationship you know now that you need to find someone with the same kinks.


----------



## size-surprise (Nov 22, 2011)

Man that was exactly what i think i needed to hear 
What do u do for a living Brian, you should be like a counsellor or sumtin...
and i believe i have a fetish... but im not sure how to classify it....
i list some things ive noticed off
-I love a well rounded belly(not huge... but not small.... its gotta hang at sum point) 
-I love an hour glass shape
-I personally love an expanding figure, but... I guess theres a limited, because i don't find myself as attracted to ssbbw's... no offense to anyone)

Now this all sounds like a fetish, but does the sheer love of weight gain count as a fetish... cuz like thats the entire body...
and also i dont find myself attracted to someone just because of they're appealling figure, i find i look for many personality traits....
Like a girl at work, i find her attractive, but i think shes wayyy too energetic, and she tends to have mood swings... so because of her personality, im no more attracted to her as i am to the skinny girl right beside her...
One thing i should mention, is that being an artist, i have a very creative mind, and i often have vivid dreams because that reason i believe... So i have one dream i remember distinctly, it was a dream where i was with a beautiful girl holding her hand... and for some reason as we walked through a park and talked, i just randomly said... "do u know what? i think we should experiment with something.... we should gain weight, like imagine what id look like with a big blubbery gut..." 
"herm... thats actually kinda intriguing... i guess its like skydiving... you won't know until u try...." 
"Well hell lets start now"
and then we just sorta gained lots of weight stuffing eachothers' faces through a span of several months... and i just remember having the dream and being happy as i experienced it....

Now im under the impression i have some sort of "fetish"... but im not exactly understanding what it is or what its directed towards...?


----------



## Fat Brian (Nov 22, 2011)

Don't be so quick to categorize yourself as having just a fetish. A fetish makes completely unable to function sexually without participating in the fetish activity. Read this page about fetishism and see if it applies to you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism


----------



## size-surprise (Nov 23, 2011)

huh.... I guess Weight gain makes the relationship alot more attractive to me... but i feel i can still have a loving relationship with none.... actually maybe only alil ;P
you got me thinking.... but i suppose i can't answer my own questions...


----------



## size-surprise (Nov 23, 2011)

I read through this... and i don't think im to that extent... i think i have a mild fetish... where weight gain makes things more fun... but i can still have a loving relationship without it... i think ?


----------



## Fat Brian (Nov 24, 2011)

I'm glad that helped you. This is the kind of self exploration you need to do before getting in to another relationship, you owe it to the other person to know what you want and be able to articulate it in a way she can understand it. Knowing what you want also makes it easier to find someone with common interests, if you know you need gaining as a part of your relationships you know you need to find someone who wants to gain. The one thing I will say about gaining is that she can't gain forever, there needs to be some other aspect of the relationship that works without gaining. If there is nothing that will keep you around without gaining please don't involve anyone else.


----------



## choudhury (Nov 24, 2011)

One thing to be careful about is letting 'perfection' be the enemy of the good. It sounds as though you're putting a lot of thought into constructing an 'ideal' BBW body and then worrying about whether you will ever find it. This is a real trap for boys and young men - not just FAs - in an internet age where access to porn is everywhere. But porn is nothing more than a masturbatory fantasy, not real life. 

It's far better to just relax and accept that there is a range of women and body types who can fulfill you in different ways. I'm not saying that *every* woman is attractive to every man - there's no escaping the fact that chemistry exists and can't be generated by will. It's just that in real life, an attractive BBW may not be quite your 'perfect' pear type, or may not be comfortable *explicitly* gaining, or whatever. You might still have a great relationship and you may well find her gaining over time anyway, or find yourself increasingly interested in her belly over her butt, etc. Similarly, you might come across the ideal goddess physically yet discover her personality to be toxic. 

You know you're an FA and you find some BBWs more physically appealing than others. I wouldn't intellectualize it much beyond that - just relax, get out there and let chemistry and compatibility work their magic all by themselves. The worst possible thing you could do would be to pull away from a woman because she doesn't fit some narrow 'ideal type' you've imposed on yourself.


----------



## Fat Brian (Nov 24, 2011)

choudhury said:


> One thing...on yourself.



This is very true, it is important to get out and mingle but at the same time it is important to know what your dealbreakers are. I don't think its a good idea to go out and basically experiment on women to see what you want. Some of that work can be done by yourself. Since the OP seems so new to these feelings it can't hurt to spend some time in self examination.


----------



## Tad (Nov 24, 2011)

I'm totally agreed about the self-examination, I think it is super-valuable and will help you out a ton. One thing to think about might be, given your artistic bent, is to write out some stories or draw some pictures or however you can express yourself, exploring these feelings. Some thing that you may think seem hot may not work out, others might surprise you. Also, keep an eye out for real life couples of varying types, and ask if you think you'd be happy in that relationship, what about it would work for you, what wouldn't. (and not just couples your age, either)

Basically, don't just think about things, but find ways to work with the feelings, and see them from different angles.

Another suggestion: Starting looking for ways to meet more BBW  And given your famtasies, perhaps more women who are not too focussed on thin guys. 

I don't know what you do, who you hang out with, etc. But I'd suggest look for opportunities to join groups where athleticism is not apt to be a top priority, and look for groups where people who are some degree of outsider might clump together. For the former, by way of examples, perhaps a ceramics class (as opposed to say a yoga class). For the latter, things like gaming clubs or science fiction or anime conventions are places that tend to be like that.

Just make sure that they are things that you could enjoy. Not going to make connections somewhere that you are not enjoying.

Not that you should be in a hurry to date until you have had some more time to navel gaze, but it also takes time to get know new people, or even to find groups, so no harm in starting that now.

Good luck!


----------



## size-surprise (Nov 24, 2011)

wow you guys are all so helpful on this site... I think after reading all this you guys have wrote... I feel i have learned alot... 

I forgot to mention Brian that there sort of was a point at which i found a limit to weight gain so don't worry, Im the farthest from being shallow when it comes to women too, so dont worry 
People often feel that im more girlie than the girl when it comes to emotions... Lol i almost cried when my friend(girl) brought up a convo about her ex boyfriend, i started thinking about the few good times i had with my ex...(I, broke up with her!!!!) And it took me weeks to decide it was the right decision to break up with her... oh yeah an a model example of my max weight on a woman would be a lady named Ephemere(on Fantasy Feeder / youtube video up too) I find her perfect in every way... But she seems almost too perfect for me 

and believe i was only panicking just days ago... 
I feel like i've taken alot of big steps in life so quickly(college prep, driving, drinking...) all this stress so quickly, i probably thought a perfect relationship would come by me as long as i put just as much of an effort as i did dealing with all these stresses....
but when u guys said just give it time, you'll find a woman you love... I sorta realized...
As well i spoke to a girl at school about it... she said that no matter who you are, what you like... As long as you want it, love will always find you, and give yeah a swift kick in the ass  (she had just broken up with her boyfriend she had for 4 years) I feel i panicked wayy too much about this, and everyone around me has helped me clear my mind and see reality... 
Especially everyone here so far, you guys here on dimensions forums are wonderful people, willing to give clarity to any or every lost soul pleading for guidance ! All i can say is keep up the good work everybody, you truly do seem to be a collection of kind and knowledgeable men and women... 

Oh and i went to an art college open house im hoping to get into... and im sure ill be fine when it comes to women... 
Thank gawd for artsy women !!!

Maybe ill post back an update on this thread if all goes well in a years time 


Anyways thanks again everybody, you guys have genuinely made my day


----------



## Mauiboy (Nov 26, 2011)

I read the thread and had to chime in. I probably sound like your father and please don't take this as "preachy" I'm only offering a FOG (fat old guy) perspective. Try to relax and enjoy the ride. You're young and, to your point, finding your way in a lot of things and that's how your twenties are. I used to get all hung up on my preference (I don't think of it as a fetish as it implies something negative to me) and worry about everybody else's thoughts or how it impacted my relationships. When I finally just said "I like big girls...so what?" and dated the women I was attracted to, it all worked out. It's just a tiny part of who you are. I hope you work it out and I'm sure you will.

Live, laugh, love.


----------

