# FFA asking FFAs



## Eroica86 (Jun 21, 2010)

Obviously as FFAs we are admirerers, we don't always end up dating BHMs - no one on here is shallow and we all know our preferences don't play in so much in the dating world when someone we really get along with comes along. (maybe I'm wrong and that's some of us?) - I wanted to ask how you other FFAs have delt with your preference for a tummy on your man while dating he non BHM variety- how do you let them know without fear of them being hurt or pressured? Have any of you gone through this situation? Thoughts would be appreciated- as I am currently in that situation myself.


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## Eroica86 (Jun 21, 2010)

My bf was scrawny and toned when we started dating and now he's put on some weight and is about average now- he's noticed and has been voicing his displeasure at the situation- I'm debating voicing how much more attractive it is...


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## Wanderer (Jun 21, 2010)

Eroica86 said:


> My bf was scrawny and toned when we started dating and now he's put on some weight and is about average now- he's noticed and has been voicing his displeasure at the situation- I'm debating voicing how much more attractive it is...



Pardon a BHM for stepping in, and feel free to disregard what I say... but you need to Show and Tell. Make it plain to him that, while a bigger, rounder him isn't a requirement, you enjoy his body even more the way it is now.


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## Zowie (Jun 21, 2010)

Eroica86 said:


> My bf was scrawny and toned when we started dating and now he's put on some weight and is about average now- he's noticed and has been voicing his displeasure at the situation- I'm debating voicing how much more attractive it is...



I agree with Wanderer. Just talk to him about it, but don't make him feel like you don't appreciate him as he was or wants to be. It's his body after all, but you saying that you don't mind, and even like him now, may help him feel a bit more confident?


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## escapist (Jun 22, 2010)

Wanderer said:


> Pardon a BHM for stepping in, and feel free to disregard what I say... but you need to Show and Tell. Make it plain to him that, while a bigger, rounder him isn't a requirement, you enjoy his body even more the way it is now.



Yeah, I gotta say it worked on me too...my FFA just kept brining me food and I didn't know how to say no (nor did I really want to), next thing I knew I gained 20 lbs in 2-3 months...its hard to say know when someone is handing you a burger and telling you how cute you are as she rubs your belly while you eat it. Its even cooler when she notices how much you loved it and asks in a very real, and cute way if you would like her to get you more.

Just my 2 cents as a BHM.


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## Wanderer (Jun 22, 2010)

escapist said:


> Yeah, I gotta say it worked on me too...my FFA just kept brining me food and I didn't know how to say no (nor did I really want to), next thing I knew I gained 20 lbs in 2-3 months...its hard to say know when someone is handing you a burger and telling you how cute you are as she rubs your belly while you eat it. Its even cooler when she notices how much you loved it and asks in a very real, and cute way if you would like her to get you more.
> 
> Just my 2 cents as a BHM.




. . .

You know, I'm _already_ envious of you... do you have to rub it in?

 j/k


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## Esther (Jun 22, 2010)

I'm in a similar situation. My guy was always thick, but he put on about 30 pounds since we started dating. He knows I'm into it; the extra attention I pay to his softer parts definitely gave me away. If you use your actions to show your appreciation for his body, chances are he'll get the picture without you having to bring it up.


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## Tad (Jun 22, 2010)

Just to say: also go browsing through the FA/FFA board, because I know that there have been similar discussions there. Granted women and men not always the same, but I get the impression that FA issues tend to be fairly similar regardless of the gender of the admirer and admiree.


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## Melian (Jun 22, 2010)

Eroica, I married my somewhat-too-thin guy and have had several issues throughout the relationship (it's been 3 years, now), but everything has finally been resolved.

This is a problem that has arisen for so many FFAs, some I've known IRL and some from the board - you meet a guy who is perfect in every way EXCEPT he is not fat enough. I don't know why it always happens that way, and have hypothesized about it in other threads without ever reaching a conclusion, but at the start of the relationship you must make a decision: how much do you care about that one lacking quality. If you can't live without it, then don't even start the relationship, because it is NOT fair to harass the guy to gain weight or just generally make him feel like he is subpar, physically. 

If you can compromise, then things can work out well....you just have to be completely open. This doesn't mean spilling your guts right away, but slowly introduce him to your preferences, the same way you slowly let a partner know your life story. He may have terrible responses when he hears that you like fat guys. Again, I don't know why some men are so ridiculously polarized against fat men/women, but it seems to happen a lot, so be prepared for those reactions. In the past, I've dumped people just based on their ignorant responses when I shared this information.

At this point in my relationship, my husband has spazzed on me many, many times, told me I'm a freak, disgusting, etc etc...but it wasn't about me, I realize now - it was totally his own insecurities. He doesn't say any of that shit now, because he knows it hurts me, and he has sincerely apologized for what he's said previously. In contrast, I used to push him to gain every now and then, and I've mostly stopped doing that, too. We have a sort of understanding that I'm an FA, and drooling over fat guys is ...a hobby, haha. His weight fluctuates, and his waist size ranges from ~37-40", so sometimes I'm more attracted to him than others...he has no problem identifying the "attracted" times. He has also tried to psychoanalyze my preferences, which gets really odd...but it's not a problem. Weirdness I can handle.

Hopefully you gained some insight from this little story


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## Buffetbelly (Jun 22, 2010)

Wanderer said:


> . . .
> 
> You know, I'm _already_ envious of you... do you have to rub it in?
> 
> j/k


 
No, but SHE does!


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## JenFromOC (Jun 22, 2010)

Maybe I'm weird when it comes to this, but I am really only attracted to fat guys when they are already fat when I meet them. For example, when I married my husband, he was really athletic and was playing football. He's gained a little weight, maybe 20lbs, but it didn't make me more attracted to him. Not that I wasn't attracted to him, but it didn't turn me on that he had gained weight. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that he was a lot sexier when he was muscular and in great shape. When I'm attracted to someone, it's the initial attraction...so if they're fit when I meet them, I like them that way. If they're fat, I prefer them that way. I guess we'd call that bisizual? 

Now that I'm typing this out, it doesn't make any sense. Anyone else feel this way?


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## Sasquatch! (Jun 22, 2010)

I feel it makes no sense too


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## Zowie (Jun 22, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> Maybe I'm weird when it comes to this, but I am really only attracted to fat guys when they are already fat when I meet them. For example, when I married my husband, he was really athletic and was playing football. He's gained a little weight, maybe 20lbs, but it didn't make me more attracted to him. Not that I wasn't attracted to him, but it didn't turn me on that he had gained weight. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that he was a lot sexier when he was muscular and in great shape. When I'm attracted to someone, it's the initial attraction...so if they're fit when I meet them, I like them that way. If they're fat, I prefer them that way. I guess we'd call that bisizual?
> 
> Now that I'm typing this out, it doesn't make any sense. Anyone else feel this way?



I'll agree. I have nothing against slimmer guys, but they just don't provide the butterflies. 
On the other hand, the whole stuffing/gaining thing kind of gives me the creeps.


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## lovelocs (Jun 22, 2010)

It may not be possible to tell your man you'd like him to have a few more pounds, without him feeling a little put out. I think if a man told me he'd like me to gain weight (or heaven forbid, lose it) I would be a little disappointed. Asking me to change would be like telling me he thought there was something wrong with me, if only by inference. Then, my next thought would be, if you wanted a bigger (or smaller) woman, why don't you go get one? If there is a set point weight that people have (and I'm not sure how that theory is faring) then it may be difficult me to change my weight voluntarily.


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## JenFromOC (Jun 22, 2010)

To add to my nonsensical post....my friends are forever trying to dissect the whole "fat guy" obsession. They ask me, If you like fat guys, why don't you just make (your husband) fat? My answer is, because he wouldn't look good fat. It's just the way I'm wired. I don't know.


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## Eroica86 (Jun 23, 2010)

lovelocs said:


> It may not be possible to tell your man you'd like him to have a few more pounds, without him feeling a little put out. I think if a man told me he'd like me to gain weight (or heaven forbid, lose it) I would be a little disappointed. Asking me to change would be like telling me he thought there was something wrong with me, if only by inference. Then, my next thought would be, if you wanted a bigger (or smaller) woman, why don't you go get one? If there is a set point weight that people have (and I'm not sure how that theory is faring) then it may be difficult me to change my weight voluntarily.



The thing is that I'm * NOT * asking him to change, he's gone from heroin chique to average weight/healthy. He keeps mentioning how he should do nothing but smoke cigarettes and drink coffee to get back to what he felt was sexy. 
I did end up voicing my views on the situation and got a negative response until he realized he wasn't unhealthy. I did point out that I loved him regardless of whatever weight he wanted to be... The thing is when you love someone enough, you will be honest with them about this type of thing and you will not seek out another partner based on size... its not about me wanting to change him.. its about me figuring out how to voice the view without getting the negative response that I did get.

Most guys work out to impress women and here he is flustered at the information that it does the opposite for me... its just this little dilemma I figured some people had gone through.


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## Delineator (Jun 24, 2010)

Melian said:


> Eroica, I married my somewhat-too-thin guy and have had several issues throughout the relationship (it's been 3 years, now), but everything has finally been resolved.
> 
> This is a problem that has arisen for so many FFAs, some I've known IRL and some from the board - you meet a guy who is perfect in every way EXCEPT he is not fat enough. I don't know why it always happens that way, and have hypothesized about it in other threads without ever reaching a conclusion, but at the start of the relationship you must make a decision: how much do you care about that one lacking quality. If you can't live without it, then don't even start the relationship, because it is NOT fair to harass the guy to gain weight or just generally make him feel like he is subpar, physically.
> 
> ...



I think one reason why 'gaining' propositions meet with such scorn, is 
because a fat male physique has become so psychologically loaded in negative connotations, that it makes men skeptical of their partners motives(ie. could this merely be a passive aggressive pretext for sabotaging the relationship?)


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## Delineator (Jun 24, 2010)

Delineator said:


> I think one reason why 'gaining' propositions meet with such scorn, is
> because a fat male physique has become so psychologically loaded in negative connotations, that it makes men skeptical of their partners motives(ie. could this merely be a passive aggressive pretext for sabotaging the relationship?)



Another thing that I think fuels this BHM paranoia(?) is the confounding variables.

For example, if I observe a strong correlation between exceptional stature/height(more so, than in the general male population) and BHM prospects(and I think that I do), then I might justifiably conclude that exceptional height(which is one of the few physical traits which is not hypostatic of adiposity) predicts BHM attractiveness(or FFA receptivity) more than body-fatness.

It can then be trivially argued that it is spurious to refer to the women who prefer such men as FFAs to begin with.

This is also interesting, because I suspect it speaks to a dichotomy between what the archetypal(or ideal) BHM implies to FFAs vs. self-professed BHMs themselves.

If we were to reconcile this dichotomy definitively, it would likely be very discouraging to many residential BHMs(myself included!).


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## Wanderer (Jun 24, 2010)

Yes, that was the correct spelling (and usage) of the word "paranoia".


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## Melian (Jun 24, 2010)

Delineator said:


> I think one reason why 'gaining' propositions meet with such scorn, is
> because a fat male physique has become so psychologically loaded in negative connotations, that it makes men skeptical of their partners motives(ie. could this merely be a passive aggressive pretext for sabotaging the relationship?)



Maybe, in some cases, but in my particular instance I don't think it's that deep. He doesn't want to buy new clothes, and he doesn't like the way he looks when he's heavier. Anyway, I cut it out.



Delineator said:


> Another thing that I think fuels this BHM paranoia(?) is the confounding variables.
> 
> For example, if I observe a strong correlation between exceptional stature/height(more so, than in the general male population) and BHM prospects(and I think that I do), then I might justifiably conclude that exceptional height(which is one of the few physical traits which is not hypostatic of adiposity) predicts BHM attractiveness(or FFA receptivity) more than body-fatness.
> 
> ...



You could stratify FFA attraction by non-fat-related traits, and yeah, height is often a good predictor (but it's a good predictor for all women, in general), but you also need to consider that those women would prefer a fat/tall guy vs a thin/tall guy. I think it's fair to say that there is a continuum of FFA preferences, and most women tend to have an acceptable range, moreso than an exact physical requirement.

And if you want to say that women who don't like short men over the 400lb mark are not FFAs, go right ahead. I'd wager that many of the women here wouldn't care if they had to part with their "FFA" label - we'd still like the same guys.

Anyway, this was totally off topic.


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## Delineator (Jun 25, 2010)

Melian said:


> Maybe, in some cases, but in my particular instance I don't think it's that deep. He doesn't want to buy new clothes, and he doesn't like the way he looks when he's heavier. Anyway, I cut it out.
> 
> 
> 
> You could stratify FFA attraction by non-fat-related traits



Given obvious confounding variables, I think such an approach would be justified.




> , and yeah, height is often a good predictor (but it's a good predictor for all women, in general)



I would disagree that exceptional height(which is what I'm talking about) is a strong predictor with respect to the general non-BHM population(for both logical and evolutionary reasons).

But, I still maintain that if BHM populations are being 'culled' in such a way that is more sensetive to extraneous variables, then what we are really observing in such a dynamic are those extraneous variables.

You may not appreciate this subjectively, but I'm sure you can appreciate it both logically and scientifically.

And as a self-interested BHM of science, I would be remiss to ignore this, lol.




> , but you also need to consider that those women would prefer a fat/tall guy vs a thin/tall guy.



Yes, where this is in fact the case.




> I think it's fair to say that there is a continuum of FFA preferences, and most women tend to have an acceptable range, moreso than an exact physical requirement.



I would say there exists a continuum of opportunities(given that they do not distribute equally), but preferences with high selective value are directional(but bounded by some mean neighbourhood indicated in koinophilia).



> And if you want to say that women who don't like short men over the 400lb mark are not FFAs, go right ahead. I'd wager that many of the women here wouldn't care if they had to part with their "FFA" label - we'd still like the same guys.
> 
> Anyway, this was totally off topic.



This has some elements of both a strawman(since that's not what I said, and far from what I meant) and an appeal to consequence.

Obviously, no one is here to solicit my approval, but then I'm not here to validate anyone's preferences either.

I am simply conveying some valid observations.


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## chicken legs (Jun 26, 2010)

Delineator said:


> I am simply conveying some valid observations.



I'm cool with you observations as long as Melian has the time to translate them..heheheh. **rubs aching head**


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## Delineator (Jun 26, 2010)

Delineator said:


> Given obvious confounding variables, I think such an approach would be justified.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Sorry, I meant to say that I would disagree that exceptional height is as strong a predictor in the general pop(as superior stature is obviously significant, along with things like androgenic load, billateral symmetry, etc). 

Just clarifying.


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## Esther (Jun 26, 2010)

Is this the same troll from months ago?


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## JenFromOC (Jun 27, 2010)

Why do trolls have to be so obvious? At least try to slip in unnoticed...


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## Zowie (Jun 27, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> Why do trolls have to be so obvious? At least try to slip in unnoticed...



...But then they'd be regular members, not trolls, no?


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## Fat Brian (Jun 27, 2010)

Trolls by their very nature are incapable of subtlety. Therefore their postings will inevitably give them away if given time. The worst are the "I say shocking things to pop my boner" trolls, they almost always give themselves away on their first post due to their need for attention.


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## JenFromOC (Jun 27, 2010)

bionic_eggplant said:


> ...But then they'd be regular members, not trolls, no?



No, a true troll that wanted to make fun of us or get off on us would try to be more subtle so they could get more info. That's what I would do at least LOL


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## Zowie (Jun 27, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> No, a true troll that wanted to make fun of us or get off on us would try to be more subtle so they could get more info. That's what I would do at least LOL



*suspicious glare*


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## GiantGil (Jun 28, 2010)

Delineator said:


> Given obvious confounding variables, I think such an approach would be justified.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I don't get it.

If you are saying that height is more of a predictor for BHMs, then that would mean that tall BHMs do better than their thin counterparts.

Sorry, but that doesn't sound very plausible to me.



> But, I still maintain that if BHM populations are being 'culled' in such a way that is more sensetive to extraneous variables, then what we are really observing in such a dynamic are those extraneous variables.
> 
> You may not appreciate this subjectively, but I'm sure you can appreciate it both logically and scientifically.
> 
> ...


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## Delineator (Jun 28, 2010)

GiantGil said:


> I don't get it.
> 
> If you are saying that height is more of a predictor for BHMs, then that would mean that tall BHMs do better than their thin counterparts.
> 
> Sorry, but that doesn't sound very plausible to me.




I am saying that upward deviations from average are more predictive of a dominant weighting when observing a BHM population.

So, it seems that BHM prospects are more sensetive to height(sorry for the confusion).

It is interesting to consider that height contributes to an optical illusion that detracts from an endomorphic appearance.

Why do you think we have specially shaped columns to compensate for the optical effect?

http://www.answers.com/topic/entasis


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## Delineator (Jun 28, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> Why do trolls have to be so obvious? At least try to slip in unnoticed...



Offense is always taken, never given.


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## Delineator (Jun 28, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> No, a true troll that wanted to make fun of us or get off on us would try to be more subtle so they could get more info. That's what I would do at least LOL



It then occurs, that any such hypothetical person failing to meet this condition is no troll.


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## Paquito (Jun 28, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> No, a true troll that wanted to make fun of us or get off on us would try to be more subtle so they could get more info. That's what I would do at least LOL



Most trolls I see tend to blitzkrieg, get in as many offensive comments as possible, and then get banned.


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## Delineator (Jun 28, 2010)

Esther said:


> Is this the same troll from months ago?



Troll speculations are the height of internet forum boorishness(or just a very poorly concealed ad-hominem attack).


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## JenFromOC (Jun 28, 2010)

I'm still all like, huh? Anyhoo, I like tall guys.


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## Paquito (Jun 28, 2010)

Using words like "boorishness" is the height of internet forum boorishness.


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## JenFromOC (Jun 28, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Using words like "boorishness" is the height of internet forum boorishness.



And ad hominem....We should avoid ad hominem arguments that question his motives.


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## GiantGil (Jun 28, 2010)

Paquito said:


> Using words like "boorishness" is the height of internet forum boorishness.



True. 

But it all depends on your audience.


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## GiantGil (Jun 28, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> I'm still all like, huh? Anyhoo, I like tall guys.



Hey, great!

How tall do they have to be(or how tall is too tall)? :smitten:


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## JenFromOC (Jun 28, 2010)

GiantGil said:


> Hey, great!
> 
> How tall do they have to be(or how tall is too tall). :smitten:



I'm 5'2 so for some reason, I like to start around 6'0. The tallest guy I've dated was 6'7 and that was pretty fucking hot. IDK, I have learned that I shouldn't be so rigid on my preference for certain things. Also, my taller friends say it's not fair for me to date the taller guys cuz even someone 5'7 is tall to me. LOL


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## GiantGil (Jun 28, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> And ad hominem....We should avoid ad hominem arguments that question his motives.



I couldn't care less about his motives.

I'm more concerned with the motives of cute FFA. :blush:


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## johniav (Jul 2, 2010)

Eroica86 said:


> Obviously as FFAs we are admirerers, we don't always end up dating BHMs - no one on here is shallow and we all know our preferences don't play in so much in the dating world when someone we really get along with comes along. (maybe I'm wrong and that's some of us?) - I wanted to ask how you other FFAs have delt with your preference for a tummy on your man while dating he non BHM variety- how do you let them know without fear of them being hurt or pressured? Have any of you gone through this situation? Thoughts would be appreciated- as I am currently in that situation myself.


 It isn't easy to determine if the person you are dating will be pleasantly receptive to your ideas. He may at first feel that your ideas are strange. But in my experience, the woman I was dating thought I was a bit strange (she wasn't FFA thus my preference for being a large size seemed a little wierd to her). It hasn't effected our relation ship.The strange part is that I'm 5'8 and 135. Go figure. My advice is to test the waters in a respectable way....whatever that means.


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## escapist (Jul 4, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> *I'm 5'2 so for some reason, I like to start around 6'0.*



OMG I forgot how tiny you are!  Granted at 6'3" everybody seems pretty small to me.


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## djudex (Jul 4, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> The tallest guy I've dated was 6'7 and that was pretty fucking hot.




Woooo guess that makes me hot!

Wait...

Yeah no, I'm hot. It's all good.


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## taobear (Jul 4, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> I'm still all like, huh? Anyhoo, I like tall guys.



Will 5'9" do?


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## JenFromOC (Jul 5, 2010)

djudex said:


> Woooo guess that makes me hot!
> 
> Wait...
> 
> Yeah no, I'm hot. It's all good.



Mmmm hmmmm


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## JenFromOC (Jul 5, 2010)

taobear said:


> Will 5'9" do?



Yeah, you will pretty much tower over me LOL


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## taobear (Jul 5, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> Yeah, you will pretty much tower over me LOL



YeeeeeHaaaaa You don't know what that does to me. :eat2::smitten:


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## escapist (Jul 5, 2010)

JenFromOC said:


> Yeah, you will pretty much tower over me LOL



Heheheh Jen is still knee high to a tadpole  If she ever comes to visit I'm going to put a jingly bracelet or something on her so don't step on her.


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## JenFromOC (Jul 5, 2010)

escapist said:


> Heheheh Jen is still knee high to a tadpole  If she ever comes to visit I'm going to put a jingly bracelet or something on her so don't step on her.



Like I'm a cat LOLOLOL


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