# I hate the term FA



## Gendo Ikari (Aug 12, 2009)

Am I the only one who doesn't like the term Fat Admirer?

It sounds really creepy to me.

How do you go about explaining it?

Say your talking to a girl,
"Bla bla bla what are you?"
"I'm an FA"
"Whats that?"
"......"

I've played the scenario in my head multiple times, but each version creeps me out and I'm sure would creep her out.

Isn't there a slightly less creepy term we can use?


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 12, 2009)

There's lots of threads on this, just so you know. Not trying to sound rude - just thought I'd point it out because there's been lots of valuable discussion about this.. a quick search should turn up a few things. :] 

To answer the question, you could call yourself a chubby chaser, it's a term that I've found is more well known than FA. Or you could simply state your preference, "I prefer chubby/big/fat girls" instead of saying "I'm a __"


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## Gendo Ikari (Aug 12, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> There's lots of threads on this, just so you know. Not trying to sound rude - just thought I'd point it out because there's been lots of valuable discussion about this.. a quick search should turn up a few things. :]
> 
> To answer the question, you could call yourself a chubby chaser, it's a term that I've found is more well known than FA. Or you could simply state your preference, "I prefer chubby/big/fat girls" instead of saying "I'm a __"


I know, I looked at all the pages in this forum, and I didn't find one that fits the topic.

There are probably a few in the main forum, but I think this is an FA issue.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 12, 2009)

Gendo Ikari said:


> I know, I looked at all the pages in this forum, and I didn't find one that fits the topic.
> 
> There are probably a few in the main forum, but I think this is an FA issue.



Yeah, not everything has been migrated to the new forum yet. I wasn't trying to be rude or anything, just a suggestion.


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## StarWitness (Aug 12, 2009)

It's certainly not a term I'd use outside the SA subculture (ie. unless I've established that the person I'm talking to knows what I mean by FA). Although if someone is asking "What are you?" with regards to sexual preferences and they're creeped out by the response, then they probably should have approached the conversation with a more open mind.

I actually had to deal with this just last week for the first time. I was girl-talking with my friend, and happened to describe a guy as being "Exactly my type *giggle giggle*", which prompted her to ask why "my type" was. I stammered a bit, but just told her straight: "I have a thing for fat guys." Her response? "Oh, okay." And then she took the opportunity to give me the list of kinky shit she's into. 

Everyone is different, so YMMV, but: if you want to tell a woman that you're interested in that you're a FA, I think the subtle approach is best, since you don't want to give the impression that you're into her solely because she's fat. Also a lot of women don't like the term "fat;" something like "curvy" or "voluptuous" might be better. "I think women with curves are beautiful," something like that.


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## Keb (Aug 12, 2009)

I know what it means and I'm still not sure I'd want to be approached with, "Hi, I'm an FA, and I think you're hot." Why not just stick with what you like about the particular woman you're talking to, at least at first? I mean, just because you're an FA doesn't mean you like every fat woman you see, does it? It just means that the women you like tend to be fat, and the fact that they're fat is one thing you like about them. It's certainly not (I hope!) the only thing.

There was actually a study saying that what women really want is to be desired. (It certainly rang true to me.) So desire -her-. Don't just desire her fat. Desire her fat, her eyes, her lips, her thoughts, her giggle, her hugs, her terms of endearment, her moods, her attitude, her idiosyncrasies, her scent, her voice, her dreams--the whole thing.

Honestly, I don't much like the term FA either, but it serves its purpose as a descriptor. When it comes to relationships, though, it shouldn't be about what -kind- of person you like, but whether you like the particular person you're with.


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## furious styles (Aug 12, 2009)

what kind of "bla bla bla" lead to "what are you?" .. that seems like kind of a strange question for a first exchange with someone. if she's wondering about why you're "into her" why not just say that you think big women are beautiful or something to that effect? i do agree that FA is sort of an awkward term.


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## rollhandler (Aug 12, 2009)

Personally being an FA means only that I look for women to date strictly in the large size within the dating pool. Within the range of big women in the dating pool, I seek out the mind, personality, looks, etc. within the women I find desireable. I don't look outside of that basic starting point to find the woman I wish to be with, and whom I hope will see the same traits in me that she finds desirable as well. I am an FA and although it doesn't define me it does define those I find desireable. I see no problem with the term as a descriptor.

Rollhandler


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## StarWitness (Aug 12, 2009)

Keb said:


> Don't just desire her fat. Desire her fat, her eyes, her lips, her thoughts, her giggle, her hugs, her terms of endearment, her moods, her attitude, her idiosyncrasies, her scent, her voice, her dreams--the whole thing.


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## Blackjack (Aug 12, 2009)

When asked by a woman why you're talking to them, saying "I'm an FA" isn't nearly as good as using a more regular or straightforward answer. I'm personally fond of "I dig fat chicks".

However, I've found that some phrases don't work well at all. For example, "I want to blow my load in your flabby side rolls".


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## Gendo Ikari (Aug 12, 2009)

furious styles said:


> what kind of "bla bla bla" lead to "what are you?" .. that seems like kind of a strange question for a first exchange with someone. if she's wondering about why you're "into her" why not just say that you think big women are beautiful or something to that effect? i do agree that FA is sort of an awkward term.



I was too lazy to make up an actual conversation.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 12, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> However, I've found that some phrases don't work well at all. For example, "I want to blow my load in your flabby side rolls".



I can't believe that didn't work :wubu:


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## furious styles (Aug 12, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> However, I've found that some phrases don't work well at all. For example, "I want to blow my load in your flabby side rolls".



really? when i opt for that one it usually leads to immediate bedding down.

[edit] aww .. beaten :[


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## Blackjack (Aug 12, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> I can't believe that didn't work :wubu:



I know, right?



furious styles said:


> really? when i opt for that one it usually leads to immediate bedding down.



Hell, maybe I should try it again.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 12, 2009)

furious styles said:


> [edit] aww .. beaten :[



woo got there first!


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## msbard90 (Aug 12, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> When asked by a woman why you're talking to them, saying "I'm an FA" isn't nearly as good as using a more regular or straightforward answer. I'm personally fond of "I dig fat chicks".
> 
> However, I've found that some phrases don't work well at all. For example, "I want to blow my load in your flabby side rolls".



You completely won me over with your desire to blow in my rolls lmao .... too funny


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## Blackjack (Aug 12, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> woo got there first!



That's what SHE said.


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## Keb (Aug 12, 2009)

Personally, I like:

"Why are you talking to me?" 
"Because you're the most beautiful woman in the room/world/multiverse."
"Yeah, right."
"No, really, I like you."
"But I'm fat."*
"That just adds to your infinite charms."

Of course, if anyone ever pulls that on me now, I'm going to squint at him and say, "Where'd you get that line?"

Probably about four seconds before falling for him.

*Honestly, I wouldn't say that...I've known too many guys who did like the snuggle factor. But if I -DID-, this would be a good answer.


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## italianmike21 (Aug 13, 2009)

Keb said:


> I know what it means and I'm still not sure I'd want to be approached with, "Hi, I'm an FA, and I think you're hot." Why not just stick with what you like about the particular woman you're talking to, at least at first? I mean, just because you're an FA doesn't mean you like every fat woman you see, does it? It just means that the women you like tend to be fat, and the fact that they're fat is one thing you like about them. It's certainly not (I hope!) the only thing.
> 
> There was actually a study saying that what women really want is to be desired. (It certainly rang true to me.) So desire -her-. Don't just desire her fat. Desire her fat, her eyes, her lips, her thoughts, her giggle, her hugs, her terms of endearment, her moods, her attitude, her idiosyncrasies, her scent, her voice, her dreams--the whole thing.
> 
> Honestly, I don't much like the term FA either, but it serves its purpose as a descriptor. When it comes to relationships, though, it shouldn't be about what -kind- of person you like, but whether you like the particular person you're with.



couldnt have said it better myself


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## furious styles (Aug 13, 2009)

Blackjack said:


> That's what SHE said.



come on beej let's be honest. that's what YOU said.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 13, 2009)

furious styles said:


> come on beej let's be honest. that's what YOU said.



aaaaahahah.


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## Jon Blaze (Aug 13, 2009)

Well to me it's just like jargon that you shouldn't use because people don't understand.

We've been over this more than once also. No one has really come up with a better term.

The only terms I've ever thrown out are "Cross-trainer" and "Bisizual" for myself, but generally I just say "I like big women (Albeit non-exclusive)."


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## Blackjack (Aug 13, 2009)

furious styles said:


> come on beej let's be honest. that's what YOU said.





thatgirl08 said:


> aaaaahahah.



Pshaw. To both of you.


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## mediaboy (Aug 13, 2009)

I don't really self apply that nomenclature in public unless I'm speaking to some one that is aware of its present meaning within the confines of the size acceptance community.

Usually I just say I'm a chubby chaser or I like fat asses.


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## Blockierer (Aug 13, 2009)

Honestly I love the term.
I have a fat wife, I have fat friends, I think fat women are beautiful, I admire fat women, I am an FA.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Aug 13, 2009)

I don't use the term FA with people who are not in the size acceptance movement. However I will say that I like larger women.


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## Elfcat (Aug 13, 2009)

In thinking more about a term that would be more understandable and sound more of an alignment to the totality of a person, I have come up with describing myself as as fat-positive lover, because fat-positive is what I am especially in matters of love. I think perhaps those outside and new to the community can better understand fat-positivity as a concept of favoring fat people in totality in matters of love, than they often do with the fat-admirer term which seems to be often misinterpreted as a disconnected and, to borrow a term from one detractor in the field, "paraphillic", focus on adipose tissue.

FPL. Your thoughts?


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## FatAndProud (Aug 14, 2009)

I love knowing a man actually likes my fat...so i guess i like the term FA? i don't know lol what i'm saying is that "normal" guys are definitely different than FA's


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## Wild Zero (Aug 14, 2009)

So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the vioce is "wut r u doing wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say "my dad is ded". THEN WHO WAS FA?


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## Blockierer (Aug 14, 2009)

FatAndProud said:


> I love knowing a man actually likes my fat...so i guess i like the term FA? i don't know lol what i'm saying is that "normal" guys are definitely different than FA's


Glad you are one of those FA-friendly women


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## FatAndProud (Aug 14, 2009)

hook me up with a german one that speaks all types of german  mmmm


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## disconnectedsmile (Aug 14, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> Or you could simply state your preference, "I prefer chubby/big/fat girls" instead of saying "I'm a __"


YES.
this white text is only used to fulfill the 10 character requirement.


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## steve-aka (Aug 16, 2009)

Yeah, I'm not too fond of the term FA myself but it has been around for so long and is so ingrained into our subculture here that I don't see an alternative coming along to usurp its ubiquitous nature for a long while. However, I really don't like the term FFA as I find it unnecessarily over-descriptive. Do we really need to denote the female part? If so, shouldn't the guys be referred to as MFAs? Which then would logically lead to terms like GFA, LFA, BFA, TFA, etc. ad infinitum...

Can't we all agree we just love fatties and get over the descriptive labels? I just happen to be a man who loves fat chicks. You may happen to be a woman who loves fat guys. Someone else may happen to be a woman who loves fat chicks. The bottom line is the fat, and that is where it's at!


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## JaytheFA (Feb 1, 2010)

THANKS BLOCKERIER....YOU SAID IT BEST.."Honestly I love the term.
I have a fat wife, I have fat friends, I think fat women are beautiful, I admire fat women, I am an FA"


. ME... IM A FA..TRUE...AND THATS THAT!!
IN MY BBW BASH TRAVELS, I MEET ALOT OF GUYS WHO DONT LIKE THE TERM, I MEET ALOT OF GUYS WHO ARE LIKE ME...AND COULD CARE LESS WHAT ANYBODY THINKS. THE WAY I FIGURE, MOST DONT TAKE TIME TO RESEARCH, OR BE CONSIDERATE TO THE HISTORY OF THE TERM.THE WAY I FIGURE, THE TERM WAS INVENTED OUT OF THE DESPERATE NEED TO DEFINE THE MEN WHO WERE IN LOVE WITH BIG WOMEN, AND WANTED TO DEFINE THEMSELVES...IMMEDIATELY. SO THEY CAME UP WITH SOMETHING...OVERNIGHT.
WHEN I WALK IN A RESTURANT...BREAKFAST.., SOLO, (THE ONLY MAN) WITH LIKE 5 SSBBWS (AFTER A BBW PARTY) AND I GOTTA DEAL WITH THE STARES, COMMENTS, LOOKS...I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT NOBODY THINKS...CAUSE WHEN ITS ALL OVER ....IM WIT THE BIGMAMAS....BEFORE AND AFTER WE LEAVE THE RESTURANT...IF THE GUYS WHO INVENTED THE "FA" WORD...HAD NAMED US "SUPERCADULISTICFATTYALIDOCIOUS" I WOULDVE BEEN A DIEHARD.."SUPERCAD.....DOSIER"...WHAT EVER NAME WAS INVENTED TO STAND OUT AS "THE GUY OVER THERE...WHO LOVES SSBBWS...THATS ME!! THE GUYS AT THE BASHES WHO ARE CHILLIN IN THE ROOM AND ITS LIKE A ROOM FULL OF SSBBWS.....ENJOYIN EACH OTHER COMPANY..."TRUEFA'S" ...THATS US!! THE OTHER CRYBABY GUYS...AT THE BASH COMPLAING ABOUT THE "NAME" ARE INCONDERIATE...THEY DIDNT EVEN EXIST AT ONE TIME...BUT YET THEY ARE THERE ENJOYN THE BEAUTIFUL SITES...OF BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN....BUT AT LEAST THEY ARE AT THE BASH.....I LISTEN TO THEM WHINE AND BREAKDOWN THE TECHNICAL WORD PATTERENS OF "FAT" AND THEN "ADMIRER" AND GO INTO THE MAJOR INTELLIGENT...BULLSHIT....GOSSIP EVEN...SOMETIMES I WANNA SLAP A "SSBBW CABANNA BOY CIGAR" IN THEIR MOUTH AND TELL THEM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!! I REALLY ENJOY BEING AROUND ALL THE GUYS AT THE PARTIES AND BASHES....BUT ...REALLY....WHILE THEY ARE TALKING IM LITERALLY THINKING ABOUT BEING WITH SOME NICE BIG LADIES..AND...I PAY THEM NO MIND...
THE REAL BULLSHIT...IS THE GUYS WHO DONT LIKE THE TERM...AND COMMENT ALL THE TIME ONLINE...BUT NEVER HIT A BASH...ARE LAMES! THEY DONT LIKE THE TERM...ONLINE? BUT YET THEY ARE ON AN "FA" MESSAGE BOARD? TRUEFA GUYS...ARE TOO BUSY SAVING FOR THE NEXT BASH..TOO MANY SSBBWS TO ADORE.
PLUS....FOR ALL THE FRESH FA'S ...YOUNG, JUST GOT ON THE SCENE...AND WANT TO RESEARCH FOR YOURSELF.....DONT LISTEN TO THESE OLD FART GUYS CONFUSING THE ISSUE.....BEING YOUR "@ DIMENISIONS BOARD"......CONRAD, (FOUNDER) WAS THERE WHEN THE TERM WAS INVENTED....HE EXPLAINS IT BEST....
"Perhaps. While NAAFA was always both a political and a social organization, it was, and is, really dominated by fat women. Men were generally viewed with some suspicion, especially FAs."
THEREFORE....THE NAME WAS PULLED OUT OF A HAT...JUST SO THAT WE WOULDNT BE...THE SUSPICIOUS GUYS...WEIRDOS...HANGING AROUND THE FAT LADIES?....WE...THE MISUNDERSTOOD GUYS....NEEDED "RESPECT"...AND IT WORKED...REGUARDLESS OF "THE DEFINITION OF THE TERM"....
ME: I WEAR "FA" SHIRTS EVERY DAY I CAN...JUST SO I CAN SAY .....IT MEANS "FAT ADMIRER"....MEANING I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHO KNOWS THAT SSBBWS RULE!! AT ALL TIMES....RARE GEMS ..THEY ARE...WHEN YOUR AROUND A EXTRA LARGE WOMAN...THE FIRST THING A SMALL MINDED PERSON THINKS IS...SHE IS NOT PERFECT...BUT TO ME SHE IS...SO...WHO CARES WHAT SOMEONE THINKS ABOUT THE WORD....THE WORD "FA" IS NOT PERFECT...NEITHER AM I....BOTTOM LINE....IF WE CHANGE THE NAME TOMMORROW...WHAT EVER TERM IT IS....IM GONNA REPRESENT!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

"FA" RESEARCH:
http://www.largeincharge.com/backissues/2005/12-2005.htm

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Jay of L.I.C: Who invented these (Big World) Definitions (BBW, FA,SSBBW,BHM, FFA, SSBHM)? give us some histor


Conrad: "BBW" and "Big Beautiful Woman" started with Carol Shaw in 1979, and are actually trademarked terms which my 
company owns. They have entered the mainstream, and that is fine with me. I deeply resent that the porn industry has 
stolen the terms and dragged them down to nothing more than another fetish category. Fortunately, a large number of 
positive fat women are also using the term, counteracting the bad guys. 

The other terms all sort of developed, most from within NAAFA. None are particularly good, and "FA" especially is a weak
term that no one likes. But it's been with us and no one has come up with a good replacement.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------



Jay of L.I.C: Do you consider yourself to be a pioneer? and if so, how does it feel to be called one?


Conrad: Well, my idea, from the start, was to create something that would bring together two disenfranchised groups,
men who preferred fat women, and the women they admired. Both groups suffered. The women for obvious reasons. Many 
felt unattractive, unworthy, and unhappy. Many had gone through horrible experiences, and had lost their faith in both
themselves and other people. The FAs--Fat Admirers--had grown up to discover within themselves a perference that was
different from that of their peers. Many did not know what to make of it. They felt weird, perverted even, and many 
got a lot of crap from their friends and families if they came out of the closet.

With the FA-SIG and then Dimensions, I wanted to bring those two groups together, help them understand each other,
open dialog and discussion.

Both sides had much to learn, and there was a lot of mistrust. I think Dimensions has been quite successful at putting issues
on the table, foster discussion, and bring many people together.
Am I a pioneer? Perhaps. While NAAFA was always both a political and a social organization, it was, and is, really dominated
by fat women. Men were generally viewed with some suspicion, especially FAs. And exploring the fantasy world that we all have
was totally taboo. I opened that up for discussion. We all have fantasies. They are nothing to be ashamed of or to run away
from, screaming.


------------------------------------
JAYTHEFA
WWW.TRUEFA.BIZ


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## disconnectedsmile (Feb 1, 2010)

Keb said:


> Personally, I like:
> 
> "Why are you talking to me?"
> "Because you're the most beautiful woman in the room/world/multiverse."
> ...



okay, the bits i underlined totally made me think of DC Comics.
i felt this warranted special attention.


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## disconnectedsmile (Feb 1, 2010)

JaytheFA said:


> POST



wut


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## bigjayne66 (Feb 3, 2010)

My ex boyfriend called himself a BBW admirer,that sounds more tasteful than FA ,who would agree ?


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## Weirdo890 (Feb 3, 2010)

I really don't have a problem with the term FA, although I do like Jayne's idea for BBW admirer. It has a very soft and kinder sound to it. :happy:


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## Tooz (Feb 3, 2010)

Well I hate the terms BBW and SSBBW so we're all even


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## Weirdo890 (Feb 3, 2010)

Tooz said:


> Well I hate the terms BBW and SSBBW so we're all even



Well, that settles that issue *Wipes hands* Done and done.


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## superodalisque (Feb 3, 2010)

i'm not sure its really necessary to describe yourself by anything but your name. after all thats the only thing thats really important--who you are. as a woman i don't care if a man is an FA. in fact honestly i find the term a liitle off putting. it only describes a guys sexual scene. it doesn't tell me if he really enjoys me or not. i think a woman who is fat might be asking for trouble if she needs the label to figure out whether a man desires her or not. the term FA only tells her that he is often attracted to fat women but it tells her nothing about whether he is attracted to her. 

sexual attraction is only the beginning anyway. sometimes it even stops at sexual attraction. so for a guy it might be kind of a shallow label that pigeon holes him into something thats not quite human. to me it gives the impression that guys don't have the capacity as anything except the extension of thier penis with no heart or brain or intellect. i think it can dehumanize a man and cause women to treat him in ways that don't respect his individuality. so yeah, i guess it can lend a creepy atmosphere to something thats so natural but then again some people like the creepy.


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## name2come (Feb 3, 2010)

bigjayne66 said:


> My ex boyfriend called himself a BBW admirer,that sounds more tasteful than FA ,who would agree ?



I wouldn't. It sounds like someone is trying very hard to seem more tasteful than "FA", but the term really just reveals they are all about artiface and not even on an especially deep level since BBW itself is an essentially meaningless term, making BBWA doubly so.

I've no problem with "FA". It means "Fat Admirer". Its a significant and succinct point of difference. Frankly, its silly we feel the need to differentiate women who are FA's with the FFA moniker. All it means, is that we admire fat. It is a point of sexual attraction that distinguishes our sexuality from other men. A man can admire an individual BBW without being sexually intrigued by her. As such, BBWA seems imprecise.

The problem is everyone wants to fall all over themselves protesting how shallow FA's must be. Give me a break. The truth is, most men are THIN admirers, its just not notable enough to label. The idea of singling out those whose sexuality challenges the mainstream for charges of shallowness is deeply perverse. Just as it would be wrong to regard a fat person entirely on their physical dimensions, so is it to judge FA's by the distinguishing aspect of sexuality. I don't see gay men and women fretting over being identified as gay as suggestive that all they care about is their partners genitalia. Being gay doesn't mean you find everyone of the same gender attractive. There is no threat of thinking that is the extent of their interest in prospective partners. Why should FA's, then, have our sexuality identity treated so reductively. We are more than FA's. But if you cataloged all we looked for in partners, I imagine the initials would get rather long and the segmentation would be quite severe. FAT, or rather our sexual interest in it, is what distinguishes us from those who have no need to self-identify. Thus I see no reason to run from it when identifying ourselves. To do so would just suggest that fat is somehow a bad thing we must distance ourselves from. I don't find that very tasteful at all.


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## James (Feb 3, 2010)

It is only a label that describes a group of people that have a common sexual denominator. When I think of my gay friends, I think of them as the people they are. They too, have a common sexual denominator, hence the label 'gay'. It doesn't make them creepy to me, regardless of whether some might feel gay people are creepy or not. Correspondingly, I reject the idea that the term 'FA/FFAs' is creepy even though all it functionally means is a sexual preference ( a preference, that, like homosexuality extends along a Kinsey scale from preference to orientation). All people are themselves before they are a label. I'm British. There are plenty of stereotypes and presumptions that go with that for some. I'm a man. There are sterotypes for men too. I'm also an FA. Stereotypes exist for all three things but that doesn't mean I'm going to be force-feeding a girlfriend cream teas down a funnel and then demand she cleans the house afterward !


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## superodalisque (Feb 3, 2010)

name2come said:


> I wouldn't. It sounds like someone is trying very hard to seem more tasteful than "FA", but the term really just reveals they are all about artiface and not even on an especially deep level since BBW itself is an essentially meaningless term, making BBWA doubly so.
> 
> I've no problem with "FA". It means "Fat Admirer". Its a significant and succinct point of difference. Frankly, its silly we feel the need to differentiate women who are FA's with the FFA moniker. All it means, is that we admire fat. It is a point of sexual attraction that distinguishes our sexuality from other men. A man can admire an individual BBW without being sexually intrigued by her. As such, BBWA seems imprecise.
> 
> The problem is everyone wants to fall all over themselves protesting how shallow FA's must be. Give me a break. The truth is, most men are THIN admirers, its just not notable enough to label. The idea of singling out those whose sexuality challenges the mainstream for charges of shallowness is deeply perverse. Just as it would be wrong to regard a fat person entirely on their physical dimensions, so is it to judge FA's by the distinguishing aspect of sexuality. I don't see gay men and women fretting over being identified as gay as suggestive that all they care about is their partners genitalia. Being gay doesn't mean you find everyone of the same gender attractive. There is no threat of thinking that is the extent of their interest in prospective partners. Why should FA's, then, have our sexuality identity treated so reductively. We are more than FA's. But if you cataloged all we looked for in partners, I imagine the initials would get rather long and the segmentation would be quite severe. FAT, or rather our sexual interest in it, is what distinguishes us from those who have no need to self-identify. Thus I see no reason to run from it when identifying ourselves. To do so would just suggest that fat is somehow a bad thing we must distance ourselves from. I don't find that very tasteful at all.



see but that is kinda the point. being attracted to a thin girl is normal right? so no one mentions it. so when its acceptable to make it such a big issue with fat girls does that mean that being attracted to a fat girl is NOT normal? i'm not so sure that indication is true because if you look around the US a whole lot of women are fat and with someone. in fact that may be more of the norm as its the thin who tend to be single. so why make something abnormal which is actually quite normal overall?

a guy is not going to say " i only like thin girls". if he did she would think it was creepy. its not something you need to be talking about when you've only just met someone. its the big reason that quite a few FAs get the brush off from fat girls so much. not because they are fat but have no confidence but because its improper to put your sexuality in someone's face right away. sometimes you need to just say "hi, how are you" " what kind of music do you like" etc... something to get to know the person. meeting real people is not by click like on a website. you have to take your time and get to know someone. so FA can be too in your face for a beginning.

i find that often people who are online a lot don't always understand how to be apropriate because everything is delinieated by a sexual scene when it comes to the opposite sex. but real life isn't a sexual scene. and when its reduced to that a lot of people --especially women take offense becasue that might not be what they are looking for in a guy. a lot of people on dims might find it acceptable becasue this is a website and people are here to discuss sexuality but FA does not translate in the real world very well especially with women who are fat and have always dated and feel pretty secure with themselves as people.


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## superodalisque (Feb 3, 2010)

James said:


> It is only a label that describes a group of people that have a common sexual denominator. When I think of my gay friends, I think of them as the people they are. They too, have a common sexual denominator, hence the label 'gay'. It doesn't make them creepy to me, regardless of whether some might feel gay people are creepy or not. Correspondingly, I reject the idea that the term 'FA/FFAs' is creepy even though all it functionally means is a sexual preference ( a preference, that, like homosexuality extends along a Kinsey scale from preference to orientation). All people are themselves before they are a label. I'm British. There are plenty of stereotypes and presumptions that go with that for some. I'm a man. There are sterotypes for men too. I'm also an FA. Stereotypes exist for all three things but that doesn't mean I'm going to be force-feeding a girlfriend cream teas down a funnel and then demand she cleans the house afterward !



maybe part of the reason it doesn't feel creepy is because they aren't standitg in front of you saying they are gay and trying to cnvince you its ok somehow. and i know my gay friends don't do that with each other. if someone did they'd think that guy or girl was weird. they tend to be a whole lot more natural with things.


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## James (Feb 3, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> maybe part of the reason it doesn't feel creepy is because they aren't standitg in front of you saying they are gay and trying to cnvince you its ok somehow. and i know my gay friends don't do that with each other. if someone did they'd think that guy or girl was weird. they tend to be a whole lot more natural with things.



Yes, but bare in mind that unless they were a gay FFA, they probably wouldn't have any compulsion, on any level, to do that to a BBW. 

That said, I absolutely agree (100%) that making a fuss about being an FA, as an introductory gambit, is indirectly objectifying and far less sincere than making conversation about non-sexual issues. I don't think its respectful at all to bring up immediate direct reference to one's sexuality when meeting strangers that one finds attractive (if the objective is to be respectful). If someone thrusts the FA card in a stranger's face that is just as inappropriate as thrusting the gay card or (any other sexually-defined group label). 

In and of itself, being gay or being an FA/FFA is not the creepy thing though IMO. I appreciate that some will see that differently and will always be inherently suspicious of someone that professes to find fatness attractive when their personal hatred for their own fat is so strong. This is not to say that you feel this way... or that indeed many of the women on this site feel this way... its more a general observation that has been corroborated by many conversations with BBWs over the years. FAs are suspicious and creepy to them for more than just their social awkwardness... it extends into the psychological dimension of self-perception and how the existence of FAs can challenge this in ways that fat people can sometimes find deeply unsettling. I'm not talking about feederism or anything even remotely non-vanilla. I'm talking about the basic idea that fat people can be seen as sexual beings in a way that is not '_in spite of_' them being fat.

Anyway, thats not what we've been talking about here. I just wanted to draw a line that differentiated the behavior of some FAs as creepy, from the general assertion that all FAs are inherently creepy. I accept the former and strongly disagree with the latter.


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## superodalisque (Feb 3, 2010)

James said:


> Yes, but bare in mind that unless they were a gay FFA, they probably wouldn't have any compulsion, on any level, to do that to a BBW.
> 
> That said, I absolutely agree (100%) that making a fuss about being an FA, as an introductory gambit, is indirectly objectifying and far less sincere than making conversation about non-sexual issues. I don't think its respectful at all to bring up immediate direct reference to one's sexuality when meeting strangers that one finds attractive (if the objective is to be respectful). If someone thrusts the FA card in a stranger's face that is just as inappropriate as thrusting the gay card or (any other sexually-defined group label).
> 
> ...



i understand. i never meant it as an indication of FAs being creepy at all. just an observaton about why the term may not stand up well at times.


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## marlowegarp (Feb 3, 2010)

James said:


> Yes, but bare in mind that unless they were a gay FFA, they probably wouldn't have any compulsion, on any level, to do that to a BBW.
> 
> That said, I absolutely agree (100%) that making a fuss about being an FA, as an introductory gambit, is indirectly objectifying and far less sincere than making conversation about non-sexual issues. I don't think its respectful at all to bring up immediate direct reference to one's sexuality when meeting strangers that one finds attractive (if the objective is to be respectful). If someone thrusts the FA card in a stranger's face that is just as inappropriate as thrusting the gay card or (any other sexually-defined group label).
> 
> ...



I feel like the term FA is kind of the "negro" of the size acceptance world. It's descriptive, benign AND awkward. I feel like years from now there will be a better word and we will laugh about FA/FFA and probably most of the rest of the accepted fat jargon. Instead we will wiggle our fingers in front of our eyes and say "I'm just watching bellyvision." And there will be a United Fat Admirer College Fund.


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## name2come (Feb 3, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> see but that is kinda the point. being attracted to a thin girl is normal right? so no one mentions it. so when its acceptable to make it such a big issue with fat girls does that mean that being attracted to a fat girl is NOT normal? i'm not so sure that indication is true because if you look around the US a whole lot of women are fat and with someone. in fact that may be more of the norm as its the thin who tend to be single. so why make something abnormal which is actually quite normal overall?
> 
> a guy is not going to say " i only like thin girls". if he did she would think it was creepy. its not something you need to be talking about when you've only just met someone. its the big reason that quite a few FAs get the brush off from fat girls so much. not because they are fat but have no confidence but because its improper to put your sexuality in someone's face right away. sometimes you need to just say "hi, how are you" " what kind of music do you like" etc... something to get to know the person. meeting real people is not by click like on a website. you have to take your time and get to know someone. so FA can be too in your face for a beginning.
> 
> i find that often people who are online a lot don't always understand how to be apropriate because everything is delinieated by a sexual scene when it comes to the opposite sex. but real life isn't a sexual scene. and when its reduced to that a lot of people --especially women take offense becasue that might not be what they are looking for in a guy. a lot of people on dims might find it acceptable becasue this is a website and people are here to discuss sexuality but FA does not translate in the real world very well especially with women who are fat and have always dated and feel pretty secure with themselves as people.



There is a slogan in the gay rights movement, Being straight isn't normal, it's just common. I'd offer it applies to us, as well. Being an FA is perfectly normal, but it is not especially common. THAT is why it is useful for us to self-identify on that point of difference. Its not about consenting to being abnormal. Rather, it is about asserting our existence. This may not be common, but we are here and we won't be denied. And again, the term "Fat Admirer" is a perfectly benign way of identifying ourselves. Apprenhension with the term rests largely on apprehension with the word FAT and the sense that we should avoid it. But again, I think that's just allowing us to be labeled as abnormal. Fat isn't something to shy away from. Its precisely what we should be asserting. Profered alternatives strike me as either fantastical or distant. FA is direct and quite clear. Doesn't mean it isn't challenging, but FA's shouldn't be shying away from being challenging, either. Its something self-accepting fat people do all the time, and our task is FAR less threatening.

A Thin Admirer doesn't have to tell anyone they are attracted to thin people, because it is assumed. It WOULD be creepy for them to declare it specifically, because there is no demand that they do so. Their preference is invisible to begin with. Feeling the need to assert your dominant sexuality is a creepy thing to do that has utterly no relevance to the experience of people of a marginalized sexuality. Straight people don't need to come out of the closet. If they make a big deal about their sexuality, it is intended as an act of intimidation. A gay person being open about their sexuality is simply not the same thing and characterising at such only serves to disadvantage an already marginalized sexual identity. People who complain about gay people being "in their face" about their sexuality aren't people to be catered to, they are precisely the people who need to be challenged in that way. Their desire not to be confronted with gay sexuality is a desire to enforce and preserve the marginalized state that their sexual orientation is pressed into. I find little to be gained by following suit as an FA by hiding my sexuality.

My fat partner has a right to know that my physical attraction to her is not only genuine, but something I have no shame over. I'm aware that some fat people don't want to date FA's. I don't want to date those fat people, though, so that works out quite perfectly for me. If they are going to regard my physical attraction to them as a negative, I'd rather get that out in the open right away. Because I'm not just interested in banging some hot fatty. My physical attraction is just a part of a total attraction I would want with a partner. And if they cannot accept that about me, it doesn't matter a lick if I think she's got a "smokin' bod". I won't be interested.

Being direct about my sexual identity is, in part, about making some people uncomfortable. Its a feature, not a bug. My sexuality shouldn't be something to hide or to cover up. My sexual identity shouldn't expose me to the need to justify myself as not being shallow when the common view faces no such demands. I'm not going to bog myself down justifying myself for the benefit of those who think I'm abnormal. I am normal. I may be different, but I'm normal. Identifying what makes me unique isn't about being less than normal, its about asserting the normality of who I am.


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 4, 2010)

name2come said:


> There is a slogan in the gay rights movement, Being straight isn't normal, it's just common. I'd offer it applies to us, as well. Being an FA is perfectly normal, but it is not especially common. THAT is why it is useful for us to self-identify on that point of difference. Its not about consenting to being abnormal. Rather, it is about asserting our existence. This may not be common, but we are here and we won't be denied. And again, the term "Fat Admirer" is a perfectly benign way of identifying ourselves. Apprenhension with the term rests largely on apprehension with the word FAT and the sense that we should avoid it. But again, I think that's just allowing us to be labeled as abnormal. Fat isn't something to shy away from. Its precisely what we should be asserting. Profered alternatives strike me as either fantastical or distant. FA is direct and quite clear. Doesn't mean it isn't challenging, but FA's shouldn't be shying away from being challenging, either. Its something self-accepting fat people do all the time, and our task is FAR less threatening.
> 
> A Thin Admirer doesn't have to tell anyone they are attracted to thin people, because it is assumed. It WOULD be creepy for them to declare it specifically, because there is no demand that they do so. Their preference is invisible to begin with. Feeling the need to assert your dominant sexuality is a creepy thing to do that has utterly no relevance to the experience of people of a marginalized sexuality. Straight people don't need to come out of the closet. If they make a big deal about their sexuality, it is intended as an act of intimidation. A gay person being open about their sexuality is simply not the same thing and characterising at such only serves to disadvantage an already marginalized sexual identity. People who complain about gay people being "in their face" about their sexuality aren't people to be catered to, they are precisely the people who need to be challenged in that way. Their desire not to be confronted with gay sexuality is a desire to enforce and preserve the marginalized state that their sexual orientation is pressed into. I find little to be gained by following suit as an FA by hiding my sexuality.
> 
> ...



Post of the decade. Just fantastic and i agree with every single thing you said.


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## Lightning Man (Feb 4, 2010)

marlowegarp said:


> II feel like years from now there will be a better word and we will laugh about FA/FFA and probably most of the rest of the accepted fat jargon.


I would have an easier time believing this if someone could come up with an acceptable word that says what it means right now.


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## exile in thighville (Feb 5, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> Post of the decade. Just fantastic and i agree with every single thing you said.



ditto and repped accordingly.


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## exile in thighville (Feb 5, 2010)

Lightning Man said:


> I would have an easier time believing this if someone could come up with an acceptable word that says what it means right now.



as i've come to dislike identity politics, i now introduce myself as "liking fat chicks" and separating the verb from what i am, which is not who i fuck.


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## superodalisque (Feb 5, 2010)

name2come said:


> There is a slogan in the gay rights movement, “Being straight isn't normal, it's just common.” I'd offer it applies to us, as well. Being an FA is perfectly normal, but it is not especially common. THAT is why it is useful for us to self-identify on that point of difference. Its not about consenting to being abnormal. Rather, it is about asserting our existence. This may not be common, but we are here and we won't be denied. And again, the term "Fat Admirer" is a perfectly benign way of identifying ourselves. Apprenhension with the term rests largely on apprehension with the word FAT and the sense that we should avoid it. But again, I think that's just allowing us to be labeled as abnormal. Fat isn't something to shy away from. Its precisely what we should be asserting. Profered alternatives strike me as either fantastical or distant. FA is direct and quite clear. Doesn't mean it isn't challenging, but FA's shouldn't be shying away from being challenging, either. Its something self-accepting fat people do all the time, and our task is FAR less threatening.
> 
> A Thin Admirer doesn't have to tell anyone they are attracted to thin people, because it is assumed. It WOULD be creepy for them to declare it specifically, because there is no demand that they do so. Their preference is invisible to begin with. Feeling the need to assert your dominant sexuality is a creepy thing to do that has utterly no relevance to the experience of people of a marginalized sexuality. Straight people don't need to come out of the closet. If they make a big deal about their sexuality, it is intended as an act of intimidation. A gay person being open about their sexuality is simply not the same thing and characterising at such only serves to disadvantage an already marginalized sexual identity. People who complain about gay people being "in their face" about their sexuality aren't people to be catered to, they are precisely the people who need to be challenged in that way. Their desire not to be confronted with gay sexuality is a desire to enforce and preserve the marginalized state that their sexual orientation is pressed into. I find little to be gained by following suit as an FA by hiding my sexuality.
> 
> ...



not meant hostily at all:

i understand exactly what your saying and it makes perfect sense to me in a lot of ways. but as a grown up 46 yr old ssbbw i'm going to tell you that there are a lot of guys out there who like us. this is something you might not see because A. you are not an ssbbw. B. the gorgeous ssbbws who come to dims often are here for support they don't get IRL and are not generally the ones who are fully comfortable with themselves yet. they often don't even recognize it when someone is interested in them. its the public perception that convinces guys not to indulge. its the same public perception that a lot of ssbbws buy into that keeps them from living openly and proudly. but fortunately the more emotional strength that guys have either because they get older and have more experience or are just hardwired that way the more they chose someone my size when they have the chance. 

i think a lot of the time FAs get the impression they are rare because there are in particular some young men who aren't able to admit it. i remember all of the guys i ignored when i was younger who used to fawn over me but didnt have the ability to be open about it. but you can't extrapulate that behavior to everyone at every age. there are an awful lot of guys who don't want to associate themselves with the FA movement per say because they dont feel there is any real problem with it. there are many men like that. they simply don't allow anyone to queston what it is they like and to impact thier lives that way. they don't use media as the barometer that determines thier life. they are also insulted by the idea that the person they love and are attracted too is characterized as a freaky burden they have to carry. to him she is a woman, she is beautiful and they care for her and thats all they need to know. they don't need the entirety of society behind them to feel that way. 

men like that also aren't very interested in women who are fat who find it a misery either. they want a woman who understands that she is attractive without having to have an explanation like he is some freak. he understands that compliments made to her are great but having to explain why like there is something wrong with him is out of the question because of his own personality and outlook. those guys actually do feel normal and common in thier likes. sometimes i think that the need for women to have something as simple as attraction explained to them and the need for some people to explain is some kind of odd act of codependence by two frightened people. 

i'm not saying these things to put down anyone here but to express that there is another way to be. the outlook some people might have here might not be the only one and there are others worth considering. i think that can get muddled because people often come here for the support when they do feel alone which is a good thing. but not everyone feels alone or awkward with their preference and if someone does maybe its time to start asking yourself why instead of putting a bandaid on it. why, particularly in the US, do you feel so alone when everywhere you look there are fat people in relationships? evidently FAdom might even be more common than what is perceived to be common. a term is not going to make a person. what makes someone is his own character and the productivity of his own actions. all i'm questioning is the value of a term that tends to make people into outsiders who really aren't and why we insist on being outsiders if we really are not?


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## superodalisque (Feb 5, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> as i've come to dislike identity politics, i now introduce myself as "liking fat chicks" and separating the verb from what i am, which is not who i fuck.



they wouldn't let me rep you again


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## name2come (Feb 7, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> not meant hostily at all:
> 
> i understand exactly what your saying and it makes perfect sense to me in a lot of ways. but as a grown up 46 yr old ssbbw i'm going to tell you that there are a lot of guys out there who like us. this is something you might not see because A. you are not an ssbbw. B. the gorgeous ssbbws who come to dims often are here for support they don't get IRL and are not generally the ones who are fully comfortable with themselves yet. they often don't even recognize it when someone is interested in them. its the public perception that convinces guys not to indulge. its the same public perception that a lot of ssbbws buy into that keeps them from living openly and proudly. but fortunately the more emotional strength that guys have either because they get older and have more experience or are just hardwired that way the more they chose someone my size when they have the chance.
> 
> ...



I didn't say anything about FA's being rare. Just that its not as common as being a thin admirer. No matter how prevalent fat admiration is, it would wrong to think that our sexual identity isn't very much marginalized in our culture. One way we can change that is by self-identifying. But showing that we do exist. By saying we exist. Nothing will be gained by pretending we don't exist. By trying to be invisible. The tragedy is that most FA's can get away with that as we don't suffer the consequences of just being private FA's. Those we are attracted to bare the brunt of it through the constant social reinforcement that being attracted to fat people either doesn't exist, is inherently suspect, or is inherently wrong. FA's can enjoy the luxury of pretending to be nothing because fat stigmatization targets fat people. Its very easy to disassociate with our stake in their affairs, but I don't think it does either group a service. The fight fat people need to make against fat discrimination should be our fight as well. As more than allies or silent supporters, but because it is our fight, too. Its about more than making the individuals I am with feel beautiful. It is about social justice that is denied fat people.

Embracing our identity only makes us "outsiders" to those interested in keeping us on the outside. I see no benefit to catering to their resistance to us. I shouldn't have to play by their standards. Being an FA is something I'm proud about. Not because I think it makes me a better person, but because this is been something that is been a powerful force for good in my own life for my own self. As a straight man, I take no offense to a gay man being proud of their sexuality. I applaud it and I hope it enriches their life the way being an FA has enriched mine. Being an FA has just made me happy in so many ways. I don't see this sexual identity as being a bad thing so I just don't see a good reason not to embrace it fully and encourage others who feel the way I do to do the same. I want them to feel the same joy and self-acceptance I do.


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## musicman (Feb 7, 2010)

name2come said:


> A Thin Admirer doesn't have to tell anyone they are attracted to thin people, because it is assumed.





name2come said:


> My sexual identity shouldn't expose me to the need to justify myself as not being shallow when the common view faces no such demands.



Exactly! Years ago, I remember reading (probably here) about a situation where a non-FA had accused an FA of having a narrow fetish, and he replied to his accuser, "You only date women between about 115 and 125 pounds, right? And I date women between 200 and 450 [or whatever, I can't remember the exact numbers he used]. Now which one of us has this narrow weight fetish?"



name2come said:


> I'm aware that some fat people don't want to date FA's. I don't want to date those fat people, though, so that works out quite perfectly for me. If they are going to regard my physical attraction to them as a negative, I'd rather get that out in the open right away. Because I'm not just interested in banging some hot fatty. My physical attraction is just a part of a total attraction I would want with a partner. And if they cannot accept that about me, it doesn't matter a lick if I think she's got a "smokin' bod". I won't be interested.



Very well said!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 7, 2010)

musicman said:


> Exactly! Years ago, I remember reading (probably here) about a situation where a non-FA had accused an FA of having a narrow fetish, and he replied to his accuser, "You only date women between about 115 and 125 pounds, right? *And I date women between 200 and 450 [or whatever, I can't remember the exact numbers he used]*. Now which one of us has this narrow weight fetish?"
> 
> 
> 
> Very well said!



Lol I remember that post......he said "You only date women that weigh about 125-135 lbs. I date women that weigh 180 lbs and up. You say that _I_ have a fetish?" 

I thought it was one of the best posts I have ever read on Dims


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## James (Feb 7, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol I remember that post......he said "You only date women that weigh about 125-135 lbs. I date women that weigh 180 lbs and up. You say that _I_ have a fetish?"
> 
> I thought it was one of the best posts I have ever read on Dims



Absolutely.

Also, one of the few scientific papers on FAs that have been published confirm this to be statistically true.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19116865


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## superodalisque (Feb 7, 2010)

i agree. the so called "norm" for attraction seems to be more of a fetish. its a fetish formulated by media and the fashion industry that can't afford to spend more than X amount of dollars for materials for fashion samples. it has very little to do with what most men truly find attractive. men who like heavier women are more the norm. and in general i think FAs are more appreciative and admiring of real women in general since most women are larger and curvier. and as we see on dims they have a much wider range of preference than 20 or so pounds so i think its much fairer to them if they are viewed as woman admirers and not treated as they they are so odd since they are not. you aren't alone guys just more honest.


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## name2come (Feb 8, 2010)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol I remember that post......he said "You only date women that weigh about 125-135 lbs. I date women that weigh 180 lbs and up. You say that _I_ have a fetish?"
> 
> I thought it was one of the best posts I have ever read on Dims



Lots of ways to make a good point.

Our sexuality gets treated often as a fetish, but the basis for that is absurd. What is expected of men is a range of maybe 30lbs. I'm attracted to a range of over 300lbs. Why should I feel defensive about charges I'm limiting myself? The basis for downplaying my sexuality is that I will look to many like a fetishist. Well, that's how some straight people view gays, too. As deviants. That's just not the kind of attitude I want guiding my decisions. The fact is, there is nothing deviant for either homosexuality or fat admiration. For FA's, the proof just lies in our own fat admiration. Even the most narrowly focused FA's tend to have a much wider range of sexual attraction that what is expected of the socially common approach. I cannot assent to the definition of me as limiting my options. Its a deep perversion of reality that only serves to advantage the status quo. The status quo needs no such advantages. That's why its the status quo.

I can't imagine not being open about my sexuality advantaging me in any way. I was openly fat admiring when I was pretty young, and I saw what it was like trying to express my sexuality when the interest was unwelcome. Its not healthy to be with someone who doesn't want me to be attracted to her. Seeking a partner who wants me to be interested in them physically is a main part of what I've looked for in my adult life. Even then, there is no guarantee that they will themselves be accepting of their bodies, which is as equally important to me.

Just happening to date fat women strikes me as an awful way to find what I need in a relationship. I have to understand that most fat people in our culture are not happy with their bodies. While many are able to move on from the youthful shame I experienced early on, that still doesn't mean they will provide what I want mentally and emotionally. Being open about who I am is more than finding someone I'm attracted to physically. If anything, its about finding someone I'm attracted to in every other way. Being honest about my sexuality is not just about asserting my identity, its been a very productive tool in searching for the right partner to share my life.


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## superodalisque (Feb 8, 2010)

name2come said:


> Lots of ways to make a good point.
> 
> Our sexuality gets treated often as a fetish, but the basis for that is absurd. What is expected of men is a range of maybe 30lbs. I'm attracted to a range of over 300lbs. Why should I feel defensive about charges I'm limiting myself? The basis for downplaying my sexuality is that I will look to many like a fetishist. Well, that's how some straight people view gays, too. As deviants. That's just not the kind of attitude I want guiding my decisions. The fact is, there is nothing deviant for either homosexuality or fat admiration. For FA's, the proof just lies in our own fat admiration. Even the most narrowly focused FA's tend to have a much wider range of sexual attraction that what is expected of the socially common approach. I cannot assent to the definition of me as limiting my options. Its a deep perversion of reality that only serves to advantage the status quo. The status quo needs no such advantages. That's why its the status quo.
> 
> ...



i really respect your thought process but i feel sad about the idea you have that most fat people hate thier bodies. there are a lot of us who don't and never have. i know that the difficulty people have accepting themselves might be a common thing but thats common for people of all sizes. but, what if we started changing that expectation for people? what if fat people didn't assume that was the general opinion others should have of us and that we have of ourselves. this is part of the root of my problems with the labels. not so much the labels themselves but the assumptions underlying the labels.

maybe the sexuality is treated as a fetish because its often expressed in ways that take it into the realm of fetish--as in the people involved themselves don't seem to view it as normal common and usual?

does being open about your sexuality mean you have to put yourself out there to be approved of and examined? can't you just like what you like as a matter of course with no explaination or labels or a need to be defensive? i don't think that precludes beng supportive or celebratory.

as for happening to date fat women. i don't understand why that would be so problematic. since all women thin or fat are still just women. the only thing that being fat does is exemplify a biological reality. it doesn't define the total person you're dealing with. they are so much more than thier fat. and if thats the only way they relate to the world then they have some serious emotional and mental challenges ahead of them to take up when it comes to finding out who they truly are as human beings. and i'm not so sure it does much justice to men who prefer the look of a fat body to treat them as men who are only all about the pieces instead of men who just have an appreciation for something that is intrinsicly beautiful in and of itself with no need for justification--unless they truly don't believe fat women are beautiful and are just engaging in thier fetishistic orientation with the fat. . its not an odd predisposition. even if someone is not sexually attracted to the same thngs you are it doesn't mean it isn;t beautiful or desireable. the same would be true if someone looked at a thin woman and found her beautiful but not necessarily desireable to him . it doesn't decrease her beauty and it doesn't make the men who appreciate her weird or odd.

i'm not saying there is anything wrong per say with the term FA except that i find it limits people as does BBW and SSBBW. for some it limits them to an abusive past or a present where you are considered and expected to consider yourself somehow substandard. if those expectations weren't applied to the terms i think i would have less trouble with any of them. but its definitely not for me to say what terms you should feel comfortable with and that make you happy. its just that the way things are defined right now and the underlying assumptions appear to put people at a disadvantage and present them as being unequal and makes it look IMO like they agree with that assumed inequality.


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## James (Feb 8, 2010)

I think the basic root of the issue (and all issues discussed on dims for that matter) is the question "is it ok to be fat?". The answer doesn't lie in what is normal in terms of how many people are fat or thin or how many people are attracted to fat people or thin people. For as long as we live in a culture where the answer to that question is 'no', we will face difficulty. As FAs we can contribute a proportion towards overturning that answer into a 'yes' but it won't become a yes until all the other pieces are in place too. Until that point, I think all associated labels will carry a negative burden. I don't think the burden comes from the labels themselves though.


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## marlowegarp (Feb 8, 2010)

Nicely put. I think that a lot of groups believe that the only way they'll be happy in "normal society" is if they can somehow win over the hearts and minds of those outside their group. The problem is, the attempt to win over those hearts and minds often by necessity involves attempting to regulate language and images/ portrayals of that group, which often only causes more resentment. The battle to create a united front is a losing one. Feminists, gays and blacks still don't have a united front, and that's fine. The only group that seems to be able to do that is the republicans. That doesn't mean that if I were with a fat person and someone insulted them, I'd do nothing, but answering the question "is it okay to be fat?" with a yes for oneself is the winnable battle. Progress beyond that is admirable, but being happy with one's size and having the support of your friends and loved ones is what's most important. They are all we really have.


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## name2come (Feb 8, 2010)

People are always going to judge us negatively for who we are. I can't burden myself with their judgments, though. One way we can work towards change, though, is by pushing back at their definitions of us as inferior. We can't do that without working to claim our identity, though. I don't think its remotely fair to think that self-identifying as what I am means I am in any way consenting to society's negative judgment of me. Being an FA is who I am. I get that people think less of me for that, but that's not a reason for me to stay quiet. Its a reason for me to speak out. Its a reason for me to live my life without apology to those who think I should be ashamed. I have no interest in giving them an inch for their stigmatization of me. Refusing to identify as who I am doesn't challenge that negativity, it gives into it. Its saying, "You think less of me? Okay, I'll just be quiet then."

Look, changing our society isn't easy. It never is. I don't know what we might be able to accomplish in my life time, but we shouldn't look at this challenge as a reason not to fight for change. I can't just resign myself to an unjust world. I won't despair at it, either. It is going to be a huge effort to get people to think its okay to be fat or okay to find beauty in fat people. The deck is stacked against us in every way imaginable. But I just can't throw up my hands at this state of affairs. I won't delude myself into thinking the world will change because I want to it. But the world will never change unless there are people asking it to. Demanding it too. You need to prepare yourself to be told "NO" time and time again, but you still need to ask for change. Sitting quietly just isn't an option for me, and I hope others will see the same way because the more of us who raise our voices and ask for change, the better chance we'll have of getting it.


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## superodalisque (Feb 8, 2010)

James said:


> I think the basic root of the issue (and all issues discussed on dims for that matter) is the question "is it ok to be fat?". The answer doesn't lie in what is normal in terms of how many people are fat or thin or how many people are attracted to fat people or thin people. For as long as we live in a culture where the answer to that question is 'no', we will face difficulty. As FAs we can contribute a proportion towards overturning that answer into a 'yes' but it won't become a yes until all the other pieces are in place too. Until that point, I think all associated labels will carry a negative burden. I don't think the burden comes from the labels themselves though.



we do have to start answering yes ourselves. thats the main problem. and maybe the nos we are hearing aren't really true opinions but just the opinions people think they should have. or maybe its our own assumed nos? maybe we need to help them by having a better opinion of ourselves and making different assumptions and saying yes ourselves? 

i face hardly any of the prejudices i see talked a lot about on dims. i'm not trying to be pretencious when i say that i truly believe its because i don't accept it as my reality--that i am a big no. i accept myself as a yes and people tend to follow my lead. i mean to what point do we create our own reality? when will we be ready to create our own reality? are we really ready to say yes to ourselves or does it serve some other purpose to be a no and to accept being a no? in terms of what SA is about (which i realize is not everything that dims is about) i'm not sure its a good thing that acceptance be about accepting that somehow you are a no. IMO opinion the labels we agree to in good part represent us accepting ourselves our bodies and the bodies we like as being a no at this point because at the moment those labels as defined now represent more of a burden than a celebration. 

i personally didn't/don't come here to ask if its okay to be fat but to enjoy the special qualities of my fatness. getting involved in the rest came about as an accident of responding to the environment i was in. i was hoping to find a happy creative fun environment where people enjoyed thier size as did other people. i never came to dims to find out if i was ok or not. i don't think dims has that answer for anyone anyway. and if people are looking for that here thats also really sad because this isn't the place for it. others can't answer that question for you--especially someone who isn't even able to answer that question postively for themselves. . if someone is not okay with themselves maybe its time they start looking at what really is making them feel that way. its not being fat and liking fat. other people do that and don't seem to find themselves invalidated because of it. i think its important to try get to the root of what is making people feel somehow like a no in life. its not fat. IMO thats overly simplistic.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Feb 8, 2010)

I really don't like the term "fat admirer" either. I am a fat woman admirer, and I also like women who are not fat.


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## Gspoon (Feb 9, 2010)

I like to say "I am fond of women who have a surplus of curves". Better than saying "I am what you call an FA! It is really PC to call us that". But online, when I am talking to someone, I just say "I am an FA" cause that makes more sense for me I think.

FA or my other line. People will still look at me weird no matter how I put it. But I tend to get more "Nice!" and a head nod when I say "I like women who are grander than most" or "I like bigger girls". Why? Because I smile and nod when I say it, it is nothing for ME to be ashamed about. I say it because it is true and I will never be able to hide it.

FAs Ooorah!


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 9, 2010)

I don't have anything for or against the term FA, i just don't really use it with anyone outside here because they won't know what it means. 

"Chubby Chaser" is mainstreamed enough to include heterosexuals, so i say that or say i find fat guys or bigger guys to be attractive.


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## steve-aka (Feb 20, 2010)

marlowegarp said:


> I feel like the term FA is kind of the "negro" of the size acceptance world. It's descriptive, benign AND awkward. I feel like years from now there will be a better word and we will laugh about FA/FFA and probably most of the rest of the accepted fat jargon. Instead we will wiggle our fingers in front of our eyes and say "I'm just watching bellyvision." And there will be a United Fat Admirer College Fund.



Fucken-A! I was tryin' to rep ya and I was foiled!

At any rate, "negro" of the SA movement! You are awesome! However, what would you have the term be to describe us? "Lipophilic-Americans"?

Don't answer me here, sir, but answer me at my house tomorrow when we're playing Illuminati...


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## Mikey (Feb 20, 2010)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I really don't like the term "fat admirer" either. I am a fat woman admirer, and I also like women who are not fat.



I agree with CurvaceousBBWLover!! I too like fat women. FA to me envisions a mound of lard and that is NOT what I admire. I admire the feminine curves of a fat woman. Don't get me wrong, I don't find the word fat offensive. I actually see that as a compliment when talking to a woman. I guess it's all in the usage to me.

I also concur with the premise that outside of the size acceptance movement, no one knows what an FA is (in some countries its a shampoo brand from Germany). 

Like another person here who has commented, I have never walked up to someone and said, "hi I am a fat admirer and I find you cute." It is kind of like walking up to a woman and saying, "hi I am a heterosexual (or homosexual) and I find you cute." I think most would think that to be bizarre!

As for a classification, do we really need one? All that the object of our affection needs to know is..."I think you are gorgeous and extremely sexy."
The END!

PS And for the record, I can appreciate the beauty of a thinner woman, I just don't find most to be sexually attractive to me.


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## escapist (Jun 17, 2010)

I don't know if its cause I live in a fairly Black community but its not odd to like "Thick" girls. I've also said things that went over very well like, "I'm in Vegas the land of plastic body's, fake boobs, and spray tans. To me a voluptuous woman with all her curves is just more real and thats almost a dream to me".

I am a little lucky that I'm Huge so a 200 lb. woman seems small to me and I can just tell them from my perspective being a 6'3" 500 lb guy they seem tiny to me.


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## Fat Brian (Jun 17, 2010)

I've noticed that with my wife. I'm 6'3" and about 360, she's 5'2" and was about 350. To me she doesn't seem all that big, I only really notice how big she actually is when shes surrounded by average size people. Since I'm still bigger than her I don't that "zomg shez heooj !!!" like some of the smaller FAs talk about.


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 17, 2010)

escapist said:


> I don't know if its cause I live in a fairly Black community but its not odd to like "Thick" girls. I've also said things that went over very well like, "I'm in Vegas the land of plastic body's, fake boobs, and spray tans. To me a voluptuous woman with all her curves is just more real and thats almost a dream to me".
> 
> I am a little lucky that I'm Huge so a 200 lb. woman seems small to me and I can just tell them from my perspective being a 6'3" 500 lb guy they seem tiny to me.



"Thickness" in general is pretty restrictive to most people though. I have friends that claim as such, but they describe it as only having a "little extra," and some don't even consider it that: They just think curvy women that are thin are "Thick."

It varies of course though.


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## escapist (Jun 18, 2010)

Jon Blaze said:


> "Thickness" in general is pretty restrictive to most people though. I have friends that claim as such, but they describe it as only having a "little extra," and some don't even consider it that: They just think curvy women that are thin are "Thick."
> 
> It varies of course though.



man you really got be more than a little curvy to register as thick to me unless you have like super buff legs or something.


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## calauria (Jun 18, 2010)

For a lot of people, "thick" means a skinny or average size woman with a lot more boobs and ass. That's it.


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## escapist (Jun 18, 2010)

calauria said:


> For a lot of people, "thick" means a skinny or average size woman with a lot more boobs and ass. That's it.



I could almost call that thick, can we negotiate like a minimum of a size 9 or something?


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## Blockierer (Jun 19, 2010)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I really don't like the term "fat admirer" either. I am a fat woman admirer, and I also like women who are not fat.



I am a fat woman admirer too. 
But I am exclusively attracted to fat women.  Maybe that's the point, whether you love the term or not.
I really don't know what's wrong with term FA? 
I think fat admirer stands for both fat women admirer and fat men admirer, it's neutral.


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## KittyKitten (Jun 19, 2010)

One thing I have noticed about fat admirers is that they love larger women without bashing and attacking those who are smaller. I can't say the same for guys who are 'thin admirers'.


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## superodalisque (Jun 19, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> One thing I have noticed about fat admirers is that they love larger women without bashing and attacking those who are smaller. I can't say the same for guys who are 'thin admirers'.



i think you just haven't noticed honey


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 19, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> One thing I have noticed about fat admirers is that they love larger women without bashing and attacking those who are smaller. I can't say the same for guys who are 'thin admirers'.



As much as I'd love for that to be true. It isn't. Lol There's a bunch on this site alone.


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## T_Devil (Jun 19, 2010)

Jon Blaze said:


> As much as I'd love for that to be true. It isn't. Lol There's a bunch on this site alone.


I used to be guilty of it, I won't lie. I've gotten over myself though. It's stupid to be size-ist. I know plenty of skinny people that have been nothing but nice to me, and I've known some fat people to be downright mean.

I don't rage on a persons size, fat or skinny. They're just people to me.


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## siegfried563 (Jun 19, 2010)

i totally agree with this mans statement, i too hate the term. Why can i not just be a man, a man who happens to like his women very large? You dont NEED to give yourself a title dude, just be yourself and like whoever you choose!


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## KittyKitten (Jun 19, 2010)

I feel that men who are *only* into skinny females with no breasts and ass secretly feel like they can't handle a more voluptuous woman, they probably have a small phallus and are weak in nature. I said it. 

I was surprised that there were some guys saying THIS was sexy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8P8-X3sZ8tU&feature=related

Oh please! Chick looks like a ten year old.


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## Dromond (Jun 20, 2010)

I've said elsewhere I don't self-identify as an "FA." I use the term "BBW" as a descriptor online, but I don't in the real world. I really don't like either term.


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## NoWayOut (Jun 20, 2010)

I don't use the term. I don't like it and I don't need it.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 20, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> I feel that men who are *only* into skinny females with no breasts and ass secretly feel like they can't handle a more voluptuous woman, they probably have a small phallus and are weak in nature. I said it.



judging by your "i said it" you probably think this is badass and you're expecting high fives but the truth is that even "skinny females with no breasts and ass" inhabit this board and they generally think it's pretty dick when a fat-positive place gets turned into a thin-negative one. in fact, you don't even have to be a skinny female to think so. it can't possibly be "weaker in nature" than to mock a whole type of person just because you feel safe here.


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## NoWayOut (Jun 20, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> it can't possibly be "weaker in nature" than to mock a whole type of person just because you feel safe here.



Absolutely right. Mocking an entire type of person is completely wrong.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 20, 2010)

not ideologically speaking


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## CastingPearls (Jun 20, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> judging by your "i said it" you probably think this is badass and you're expecting high fives but the truth is that even "skinny females with no breasts and ass" inhabit this board and they generally think it's pretty dick when a fat-positive place gets turned into a thin-negative one. in fact, you don't even have to be a skinny female to think so. it can't possibly be "weaker in nature" than to mock a whole type of person just because you feel safe here.


In another universe far far away.....I was sitting visiting with a fellow BBW in the lunchroom at my old job and was noticing a lot of new faces since I'd been away.
In comes a thin statuesque supermodel type and I smiled and said hello. My friend's face turned purple with rage and said loud enough for everyone to hear, 'I hate that stuck-up skinny bitch whore!'
I said, 'relax, relax--do you know her? What has she ever done to you?'
She said, 'she's a skinny bitch who thinks she's better than everyone else!'
I said, 'how do you know that?'
She said, 'because she's a skinny bitch'
I said, ' have you ever had a conversation with her? Do you KNOW anyone who had an altercation with her?'
She said, 'no. I just know.' and remained enraged at least ten minutes after the woman left the room. She even said she wanted to punch her in the face!
It was surreal. There was no talking to her about it either. I've been friends with her for 10 years, hell-she was a bridesmaid and I never knew she was so hostile towards thin women.

Sorry to go off topic.....


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## exile in thighville (Jun 20, 2010)

as kind of a skinny person with neither tit nor ass i can confirm we're pretty much all bitches


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## msbard90 (Jun 20, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> as kind of a skinny person with neither tit nor ass i can confirm we're pretty much all bitches



I love this ^


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## siegfried563 (Jun 20, 2010)

are the people who enjoy this pedophiles? because that disturbed me, and im only 24!




happyface83 said:


> I feel that men who are *only* into skinny females with no breasts and ass secretly feel like they can't handle a more voluptuous woman, they probably have a small phallus and are weak in nature. I said it.
> 
> I was surprised that there were some guys saying THIS was sexy:
> 
> ...


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## katherine22 (Jun 20, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> as kind of a skinny person with neither tit nor ass i can confirm we're pretty much all bitches



I appreciate your being so self-revealing.


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## mossystate (Jun 21, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> I feel that men who are *only* into skinny females with no breasts and ass secretly feel like they can't handle a more voluptuous woman, they probably have a small phallus and are weak in nature. I said it.
> 
> I was surprised that there were some guys saying THIS was sexy:
> 
> ...



I know you think you have the best kind of body a woman can have, but this post is insulting to women, and to men. 

You do realize there are people who would say about your body, " how can any guy think THAT is sexy ". The woman in the video is 19. She is naturally a small person. She has the right to find love and to have people be attracted to her...just like you. Those who are attracted to her are not all going to be a bunch a weak natured men ( assuming she is straight ), anymore than every man who is attracted to you is only going to be a guy who can only get a fat woman, according to how so many jerks think.

You took a clip from a KIDS show. Should we assume things about you?

Building yourself up, or fa's up, at the expense of others - not a wonderful thing. Size acceptance is not a ' this particular size only ' kind of thing.


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## Carrie (Jun 21, 2010)

Size acceptance: not just for fatties.


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## exile in thighville (Jun 21, 2010)

breastless women have been shafting us for centuries

breasts: the thing no one likes


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## supersizebbw (Jun 21, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i'm not sure its really necessary to describe yourself by anything but your name. after all thats the only thing thats really important--who you are.


THIS!

as much as i appreciate the men who love women of size....IMHO it would be nice if when approaching a woman to just talk to her like you would any other woman and not bring size into the picture. if a guy walked up to me and the first words out of his mouth were i'm an FA, i'd probably run for the hills lol! i guess i just want to be liked for who i am and not just my size.


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## Carrie (Jun 21, 2010)

supersizebbw said:


> THIS!
> 
> as much as i appreciate the men who love women of size....IMHO it would be nice if when approaching a woman to just talk to her like you would any other woman and not bring size into the picture. if a guy walked up to me and the first words out of his mouth were i'm an FA, i'd probably run for the hills lol! *i guess i just want to be liked for who i am and not just my size.*


This is a pretty common misconception, that FAs are only interested in size. In reality, most of them are regular gents who love and experience the whole spectrum of interest and attraction no differently than their thin-focused counterparts - they just happen to be attracted to fat girls. 

I do agree that it would be pretty off-putting if a complete stranger came up to me and announced he was a FA, though. There are far better, subtler ways to convey that! :happy:


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## gangstadawg (Jun 22, 2010)

Blockierer said:


> I am a fat woman admirer too.
> But I am exclusively attracted to fat women.  Maybe that's the point, whether you love the term or not.
> I really don't know what's wrong with term FA?
> I think fat admirer stands for both fat women admirer and fat men admirer, it's neutral.




here is a new term for us male FAs. bbw connoisseur. yay or nay?


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## Blockierer (Jun 22, 2010)

gangstadawg said:


> here is a new term for us male FAs. bbw connoisseur. yay or nay?


I completely agree 
You are a true bbw connoisseur, I watched your profile pic


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## AuntHen (Jun 22, 2010)

mossystate said:


> I know you think you have the best kind of body a woman can have, but this post is insulting to women, and to men.
> 
> You do realize there are people who would say about your body, " how can any guy think THAT is sexy ". The woman in the video is 19. She is naturally a small person. She has the right to find love and to have people be attracted to her...just like you. Those who are attracted to her are not all going to be a bunch a weak natured men ( assuming she is straight ), anymore than every man who is attracted to you is only going to be a guy who can only get a fat woman, according to how so many jerks think.
> 
> ...



Thank you for this

My little sister is naturally thin (size 2 pants, "A" cup bra). I find her beautiful and so does her husband. There is beauty in ALL sizes and types! I could not imagine her bigger to tell you the truth.. she is herself.

This could be said for weight, height, body type etc... Diversity is beautiful and there is someone for everyone!


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## exile in thighville (Jul 7, 2010)

the indescribable dickness of insinuating that people are attracted to breastless thin people are pedophiles makes me wish that i was neither fat, thin or alive


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## siegfried563 (Jul 7, 2010)

mossystate said:


> I know you think you have the best kind of body a woman can have, but this post is insulting to women, and to men.
> 
> You do realize there are people who would say about your body, " how can any guy think THAT is sexy ". The woman in the video is 19. She is naturally a small person. She has the right to find love and to have people be attracted to her...just like you. Those who are attracted to her are not all going to be a bunch a weak natured men ( assuming she is straight ), anymore than every man who is attracted to you is only going to be a guy who can only get a fat woman, according to how so many jerks think.
> 
> ...



this is THE best post ive ever seen on this site. Very true and very well said


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## HappyFA75 (Jul 7, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> the indescribable dickness of insinuating that people are attracted to breastless thin people are pedophiles makes me wish that i was neither fat, thin or alive



I have to say, Plush breasts make me want to go CRAZY at the site! No Thanks on pedophilia for me.

FA-ness is OK with me. its only Anorexically thin, Kate Moss and Victorias Secret UGLY Thin that turns me off. I dont hate on Skinny but i Love fat MORE.


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## HappyFA75 (Jul 7, 2010)

mossystate said:


> I know you think you have the best kind of body a woman can have, but this post is insulting to women, and to men.
> 
> You do realize there are people who would say about your body, " how can any guy think THAT is sexy ". The woman in the video is 19. She is naturally a small person. She has the right to find love and to have people be attracted to her...just like you. Those who are attracted to her are not all going to be a bunch a weak natured men ( assuming she is straight ), anymore than every man who is attracted to you is only going to be a guy who can only get a fat woman, according to how so many jerks think.
> 
> ...



I have Rep for you, mossystate. 



> For a lot of people, "thick" means a skinny or average size woman with a lot more boobs and ass. That's it.



This is true!  And its Wonderful.


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## exile in thighville (Jul 7, 2010)

HappyFA75 said:


> I have to say, Plush breasts make me want to go CRAZY at the site! No Thanks on pedophilia for me.
> 
> FA-ness is OK with me. its only Anorexically thin, Kate Moss and Victorias Secret UGLY Thin that turns me off. I dont hate on Skinny but i Love fat MORE.



yeah victoria's secret UGLY thin isn't hating


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## mossystate (Jul 7, 2010)

HappyFA75 said:


> I have Rep for you, mossystate.



No...please...keep it...please. You didn't even begin to understand my post.


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## exile in thighville (Jul 7, 2010)

i keep reading this over and over and over



HappyFA75 said:


> No Thanks on pedophilia for me.


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## msbard90 (Jul 8, 2010)

HappyFA75 said:


> I have to say, Plush breasts make me want to go CRAZY at the site! No Thanks on pedophilia for me.
> 
> *FA-ness is OK with me. *its only Anorexically thin, Kate Moss and Victorias Secret UGLY Thin that turns me off. I dont hate on Skinny but i Love fat MORE.



The more I try to decipher this post, the more of a headache I get.


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## willowmoon (Jul 8, 2010)

HappyFA75 said:


> I have to say, Plush breasts make me want to go CRAZY at the site! No Thanks on pedophilia for me.
> 
> FA-ness is OK with me. its only Anorexically thin, Kate Moss and Victorias Secret UGLY Thin that turns me off. I dont hate on Skinny but i Love fat MORE.





msbard90 said:


> The more I am trying to decipher this post, the more of a headache I get.



Same here, but I've come to expect that from Tiguan .... er, HappyFA75.


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## NYCGabriel (Jul 8, 2010)

siegfried563 said:


> this is THE best post ive ever seen on this site. Very true and very well said





i thought you were looking into having your account deleted so you can't come back anymore.:doh:


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## HappyFA75 (Jul 8, 2010)

mossystate said:


> No...please...keep it...please. You didn't even begin to understand my post.



Yes I Do. I Repped you, please Rep me.

REP CAN NOT BE KEPT TO ONE SELF! It is against the principle of Rep.

And willowmoon, Wrong fellow, sorry. I dont want to have to ignore you too, with your full head of Hair.

I say again: No thanks on the Pedophilia for me. (This from a few posts back.) 

*FA* is *OK!*

Its *OK* to be *FA.*

FAs, Unite. We need *UNITY!*

U-N-I-T-Y...


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## willowmoon (Jul 8, 2010)

HappyFA75 said:


> Yes I Do. I Repped you, please Rep me.
> 
> REP CAN NOT BE KEPT TO ONE SELF! It is against the principle of Rep.
> 
> ...



Ooooooooooh, he can SPELL! Ladies, he IS available ......

And yes, I'm willing to post pics of myself with yep, my full head of hair. How about posting pics of yourself, Tiguan .... er, I mean, HappyFA75? And not some generic ass pics lifted off the 'net either.

Your move, dude.


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## mercy (Jul 8, 2010)

I'm not sure how I'd feel being approached by someone who identifies themselves as an FA. It puts the emphasis on the fat, or the figure, rather than the person. I know that most initial approaches are influenced by physical attraction, but I still find it creepy that someone might want me _purely_ because of my figure rather than for anything else. 

For me, being an FFA is just part of a set of physical preferences. If I look back over men and women I've been attracted to, there's no recurring theme. We all like to think that people are attracted to us because of the full package, not just physical aspects but the way we conduct ourselves, our intellects, etc. Having someone approach you as an FA strips a lot of that away.


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## HappyFA75 (Jul 8, 2010)

willowmoon said:


> Ooooooooooh, he can SPELL! Ladies, he IS available ......
> 
> And yes, I'm willing to post pics of myself with yep, my full head of hair. How about posting pics of yourself, Tiguan .... er, I mean, HappyFA75? And not some generic ass pics lifted off the 'net either.
> 
> Your move, dude.



My Move, Dude? I am not the person you talk about. I find it amusing you continue to make yourself to be looking a Fool by thinking i am someone i am not. Others chime in because they got a rise out of me yesterday. Then i adjusted and realized its not me. Now, you may have more hair and can chide spelling and all stuff that has no relevance to anything, but whatever is up with this obsession about calling me another name, it just makes you look silly, man. Some are really immature about it, too. its a bad reflection on them. I shouldnt get mad im just shocked it happens.

This and my Cousin passed away, so why youd want to label me something, i dont get it.

So what do you think of That? Is that fair enough?

I see you do not read your PMs because you know you are wrong.

Its *OK* to be *F.A.*


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## willowmoon (Jul 8, 2010)

HappyFA75 said:


> My Move, Dude? I am not the person you talk about. I find it amusing you continue to make yourself to be looking a Fool by thinking i am someone i am not. Others chime in because they got a rise out of me yesterday. Then i adjusted and realized its not me. Now, you may have more hair and can chide spelling and all stuff that has no relevance to anything, but whatever is up with this obsession about calling me another name, it just makes you look silly, man. Some are really immature about it, too. its a bad reflection on them. I shouldnt get mad im just shocked it happens.
> 
> This and my Cousin passed away, so why youd want to label me something, i dont get it.
> 
> ...



Yeah I read my PM's. Just because I don't bother to acknowledge receipt of your ever-so-important PM doesn't mean I didn't read it. BORING. Thank you for putting my feet to sleep. 

To anyone who isn't familiar with HappyFA75, please reference this well-made point by Blackjack:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1497350#post1497350


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## HappyFA75 (Jul 8, 2010)

willowmoon said:


> Yeah I read my PM's. Just because I don't bother to acknowledge receipt of your ever-so-important PM doesn't mean I didn't read it. BORING. Thank you for putting my feet to sleep.
> 
> To anyone who isn't familiar with HappyFA75, please reference this well-made point by Blackjack:
> 
> http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1497350#post1497350



Blackjack is on my Ignore list for a reason. he is Wrong. HappyFA75 has no relation to anyone else.

Thanks for reading the PMs too. You really should stop repeating lies.

Thanks Bud!

btw: If I were you, id put Blackjack on Ignore. he is a spreader of misinformation and i put him on Ignore for it.


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## HappyFA75 (Jul 8, 2010)

I will also rebut by saying that HappyFA75 is HappyFA75, nobody else. Anything else is Wrong, and the Personal Attacks need to stop against me. By Everyone.

Thanks.

Fearless.


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## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2010)

tiguan's on some next level boarding


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## HappyFA75 (Jul 8, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> tiguan's on some next level boarding



_ I dont know who that is._


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## exile in thighville (Jul 8, 2010)

well that's a suspicious thing to say. what makes you think i was talking to you?


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## HappyFA75 (Jul 8, 2010)

exile in thighville said:


> well that's a suspicious thing to say. what makes you think i was talking to you?



Constant accusation elevated paranoia, if i may. Where did you get "Tiguan" from? That strikes me as suspicious.

What did your PM "yo" say?

Added: They keep on calling me this other name, and it gets to me because its not true. Your comment seemed to come from that, else why would you type something about "Tiguan?"

fwiw, I dont know who that is. Thanks, Ok?


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## joswitch (Jul 8, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> see but that is kinda the point. being attracted to a thin girl is normal right? so no one mentions it. so when its acceptable to make it such a big issue with fat girls does that mean that being attracted to a fat girl is NOT normal? i'm not so sure that indication is true because if you look around the US a whole lot of women are fat and with someone. in fact that may be more of the norm as its the thin who tend to be single. so why make something abnormal which is actually quite normal overall?
> *
> a guy is not going to say " i only like thin girls"*.
> if he did she would think it was creepy. its not something you need to be talking about when you've only just met someone.



You've heard of:
"white privilege"
and
"male privilege"
and
"straight privilege"
maybe even
"cis privilege"
right?

It's the idea that people who happen to belong to these groups get to breeze through certain things in life cos they form either a majority (i.e. they are normal - but ONLY in the sense of "lots of people are like that", no value judgment applies), or they are collectively a powerful group - so the socio/economic/political world is set up with ASSUMPTIONS that favour them. 

Well thin admirers get "thin admirer privilege". Unless otherwise specified EVERYONE around you will ASSUME that you are a THIN ADMIRER. Everything about body size in the socio/etc. world is set up to favour thin admirers.

It is a recurring nightmare of mine (and it's happened in real life more than once  ) that a BBW that I've dated once or twice and then broken things off with* for size-unrelated reasons, will go lose loads of weight and the next time I run into her she's all thin and will hit on me relentlessly, not taking "no" for an answer... Cos she ASSUMED that I broke it off with her due to her being big before... and she ASSUMES now she is thin I'll be all "ohyeahbaby"...:doh:

(*without having reached the point of intimacy where I'd mention that I'm FA. Which I wouldn't do by using the term, as such. Rather "I like big girls/I'm not into thin girls".)



> its the big reason that quite a few FAs get the brush off from fat girls so much. not because they are fat but have no confidence but becaus*e its improper to put your sexuality in someone's face right away*. sometimes you need to just say "hi, how are you" " what kind of music do you like" etc... something to get to know the person. meeting real people is not by click like on a website. you have to take your time and get to know someone. so FA can be *too in your face for a beginning.*



^That's not even a little bit exclusive to FAs.



> i find that often *people who are online a lot* don't always understand how to be apropriate because everything is delinieated by a sexual scene when it comes to the opposite sex. but real life isn't a sexual scene. and when its reduced to that a lot of people --especially women take offense becasue that might not be what they are looking for in a guy. a lot of people on dims might find it acceptable becasue this is a website and people are here to discuss sexuality but FA does not translate in the real world very well especially with women who are fat and have always dated and feel pretty secure with themselves as people.



^It's 2010 now, yeah there are social inadaequates online.
Probably about as many as there are in RL.
Cos everybloodybody is online now.


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## joswitch (Jul 8, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> not meant hostily at all:
> 
> i understand exactly what your saying and it makes perfect sense to me in a lot of ways. but as a grown up 46 yr old ssbbw i'm going to tell you that there are a lot of guys out there who like us. this is something you might not see because A. you are not an ssbbw. B. the gorgeous ssbbws who come to dims often are here for support they don't get IRL and are not generally the ones who are fully comfortable with themselves yet. they often don't even recognize it when someone is interested in them. its the public perception that convinces guys not to indulge. its the same public perception that a lot of ssbbws buy into that keeps them from living openly and proudly. but fortunately the more emotional strength that guys have either because they get older and have more experience or are just hardwired that way the more they chose someone my size when they have the chance.
> 
> ...



^Yeah, that's awesome - IF there are a number of such women in your vicinity. This kind of "unconscious" fat acceptance, or even fat normality, are nowhere near as common outside the USA as inside it. Seriously.


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## joswitch (Jul 8, 2010)

James said:


> I think the basic root of the issue (and all issues discussed on dims for that matter) is the question "is it ok to be fat?". The answer doesn't lie in what is normal in terms of how many people are fat or thin or how many people are attracted to fat people or thin people. For as long as we live in a culture where the answer to that question is 'no', we will face difficulty. As FAs we can contribute a proportion towards overturning that answer into a 'yes' but it won't become a yes until all the other pieces are in place too. Until that point, I think all associated labels will carry a negative burden. I don't think the burden comes from the labels themselves though.


*applause*


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## joswitch (Jul 8, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> In another universe far far away.....I was sitting visiting with a fellow BBW in the lunchroom at my old job and was noticing a lot of new faces since I'd been away.
> In comes a thin statuesque supermodel type and I smiled and said hello. My friend's face turned purple with rage and said loud enough for everyone to hear, 'I hate that stuck-up skinny bitch whore!'
> I said, 'relax, relax--do you know her? What has she ever done to you?'
> She said, 'she's a skinny bitch who thinks she's better than everyone else!'
> ...



Holy crap!  That's pretty shockin'! Props to you for trying to reason with her...


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## joswitch (Jul 8, 2010)

deleted...


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## Famouslastwords (Jul 9, 2010)

Methinks Tiguan protests too much. Which is why we know it's him. Anyone else wouldn't go an say. GUYS....NO SERIOUSLY....NO SERIOUSLY I don't know who you Are talking about. NO SERIOUSLY. SERIOUSLY. Seriously.

On topic: Yeah, y'all should rue the day Collared princess turned the word FA into someone who doesn't like the vajayjay but only her fat rolls.


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## cinnamitch (Jul 9, 2010)

willowmoon said:


> Ooooooooooh, he can SPELL! Ladies, he IS available ......
> 
> And yes, I'm willing to post pics of myself with yep, my full head of hair. How about posting pics of yourself, Tiguan .... er, I mean, HappyFA75? And not some generic ass pics lifted off the 'net either.
> 
> Your move, dude.



For the love of God man, shave your head now. He will come for you.


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## cinnamitch (Jul 9, 2010)

HappyFA75 said:


> Constant accusation elevated paranoia, if i may. Where did you get "Tiguan" from? That strikes me as suspicious.
> 
> What did your PM "yo" say?
> 
> ...



We know better. Thanks, Ok?


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## CurvyWomenLover (Jul 12, 2010)

This is a new accronym that fits better than 'fa' for many people.


Curvy Women Lover (Common Abbreviation as CWL) is a term used in the context of affirmation of sexual attraction and/or sexual preference to women who are curvy. Curvy includes : plus-sized, thick, chubby, BBW & SSBBW.

Important that this is a preference and NOT a fetish. CWL are proud men and/or women who love to embrace a womans curves.


CurvyWomenLover.net
Twitter : @CWLcentral
Facebook : http://www.facebook.com/pages/Curvy-Women-Lover/123670174333547?ref=ts


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## Jon Blaze (Jul 12, 2010)

CurvyWomenLover said:


> This is a new accronym that fits better than 'fa' for many people.
> 
> 
> Curvy Women Lover (Common Abbreviation as CWL) is a term used in the context of affirmation of sexual attraction and/or sexual preference to women who are curvy. Curvy includes : plus-sized, thick, chubby, BBW & SSBBW.
> ...



For some people: It really is a fetish, and that is perfectly fine. Fetishism doesn't necessarily imply mistreatment of partner.

As for me: I do not think that that curvyness is directly dependent on size, but more of a shape, distribution, and appearance thing. I like fat women independent of the fact that some of them are curvy, but I don't use that term to describe them specifically on the basis of size. I feel it's along the lines of the term "Real," in that it's sometimes an abused term. But that's just how I feel.
I'm angry in the notion that people think fat women cannot be curvy, but the term isn't completely loose for me personally.


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