# Never experienced someone being physically attracted to me.



## Akahige (Mar 3, 2011)

Having just discovered this site and all the awesome glory that exists within, I wanted to share some personal thoughts with people of like mind. let me give you some background about my life first.

I am getting a divorce, my wife cheated on me. we met in Aug 06, got married in Nov of 07, she cheated in Mar of 09, I found out in Feb of 10. I did everything for her she was my life, making her life better made my life better. As I looked back over everything I realized she was quite selfish. Since I have joined this site and read through posts and seen comments by FFA's I have come to realize something, That she was never attracted to me. Its a sobering thought for sure. I was always a provider and she wanted that despite the fact she wasn't attracted to me, and that's why she was with me.

Now I know I do not fit into the worlds view of attractive, I've always been big, though I wear it well, I came to love and embrace myself in my early 20's (29 now), I've fluctuated between 300-and 360 and I am 6"3' (6" if my back is sore), I can probably say I ain't big enough for some of you ladies likings, and that's OK of course. You can't really help what you are attracted to, I am most attracted to petite girls, skinny or big, and my wife was far from petite but I was still attracted to her and I expressed it.

But this is my revelation; "my wife was not attracted to me". while she never made me feel undesirable, I always felt neutral attraction from her. She would comment from time to time about a guy she though was hot, and he was nothing like me. I never received comments of looking hot, or sexual nature, or even that "I want to jump you now" kinda behavior, directed towards me. When I see you ladies comment about how you think a big guy with a big belly is hot or sexy on here it puts a smile on my face like I was the one being complimented. 

Whats more is that I don't think I have ever been with anyone that was physically attracted to me. After coming here and seeing the lust for big men, I realize I will never be able to be in a relationship again that the woman is not physically attracted to me. As if it wasn't already difficult enough finding someone that would get to know the big guy and consider dating him, now I know what it looks like to see a woman physically attracted to a big guy and I want nothing less than that.

(good place for a "Fuck my life")


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## Akahige (Mar 8, 2011)

Whats it like being with someone that is physically attracted to you?


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## JulieD (Mar 8, 2011)

aww...you're cute...just relax and have a good time here...try to make friends without the worries of a relationship, it will happen...just let your kick ass personality shine through and you will be fine :happy:


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 8, 2011)

AKA that's truly a very sad statement...gotta say you are in for a wild ride in this lifetime. I have a hunch you will get to experience the insane lust of someone just aching for your body - and you will experience a nice fat slice of heaven, hopefully for a long long time

hang in there- shit happens


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## FishCharming (Mar 8, 2011)

to the OP: i totally understand where you're coming from. for a very long time i felt like anyone that was attracted to me was attracted to me in spite of my size; that i was never truly physically attractive to anybody. but then i just learned to say "fuck it" i may not be your ideal shape but im pretty sure that i'm someone's! and im in no hurry to settle for less than what i deserve.


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## rellis10 (Mar 8, 2011)

Akahige said:


> Whats it like being with someone that is physically attracted to you?



I can sympathise somewhat, while my current relationship is my first (therefore I've never been in a relationship that hasnt had the attraction) I believed before that I would never find somebody to find me attractive. It was stupid of me to give up that hope of having ANY relationship so early in my life but it was genuinely how I felt after a decade of bullying through school.

So when I found Amanda it was a huge impact on me, I firmly believe she has changed me an immense amount in the relatively short time we've been together. It's a long distance relationship so I've never been able to literally feel the attraction she has or give her mine, but the effect of just KNOWING she's attracted to me in that way has made me open up massively both emotionally and sexually. Not only that, it's improved my confidence in myself a massive amount.

But here's the important thing...yes, it's a great feeling, but don't force anything. Don't force yourself into a crusade to find somebody attracted to you immediatly. Let things happen naturally and it will come.


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## The Orange Mage (Mar 8, 2011)

A relevant link, and be sure to read the original posting via link near the top, AND the comments for both.  ( http://hugoschwyzer.net/2010/08/19/...esire-in-the-lives-of-straight-men-reprinted/ )

Also, I didn't really know what it was like to be physically wanted (apart from 'I want your penis in me ASAP' which is okay, but awful without the other kinds of want) until about half a year ago. Now, being an incredibly touch-inclined guy, feeling hands on me that scream "I want you and I want you close and I want you to want me back!" is heaven, plain and simple, and I cannot ever get enough since I'm a black-hole of affection or something.


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## Akahige (Mar 8, 2011)

Its encouraging to read all these replies. Thanks for the advice, and I am definitely not really searching for a relationship at the moment, just neutral. I just realized upon coming here that Ive missed something in my relationships, and I will not make that mistake again. I'm glad to hear you guys have found everything in a relationship.


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## Bearsy (Mar 9, 2011)

I know how you feel. In my only serious relationship, my girlfriend would never let her hands wander when we would fool around. I loved exploring her body with my hands and mouth, but she'd pretty much always stay at or above shoulder level. It would always make me feel totally self conscious. I understood that she loved me, and that was absolutely wonderful, but that she wasn't comfortable with how my body is definitely made me feel crappy.
I'm sure I'll find someone though. We all will.


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Mar 9, 2011)

If you really think no one has ever been attracted to you, then you might want to start working on your thought process. No one is attracted to a sad sack, woe is me, type guy. The only people who are attracted to that are other miserable people. Have some confidence, and gain self-esteem. If you don't feel your are worthwhile or attractive, most others won't either.


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 9, 2011)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> If you really think no one has ever been attracted to you, then you might want to start working on your thought process. No one is attracted to a sad sack, woe is me, type guy. The only people who are attracted to that are other miserable people. Have some confidence, and gain self-esteem. If you don't feel your are worthwhile or attractive, most others won't either.



*TMS_ i don't think that was what Akahige said at all---- feeling desired is not the same as feeling attracted.....I get he has awesome esteem- but not FEELING the lust from opposite sex is VERY different.....more along the lines of what Bearsy said....girls not creeping below his neck and really DIGGING HIS AWESOME BODY and CRAVING THAT !!!! ok...rant over/

my 2 cents*


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## Akahige (Mar 9, 2011)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> If you really think no one has ever been attracted to you, then you might want to start working on your thought process. No one is attracted to a sad sack, woe is me, type guy. The only people who are attracted to that are other miserable people. Have some confidence, and gain self-esteem. If you don't feel your are worthwhile or attractive, most others won't either.



I think you totally missed the point of all that I have said. My thought process is just fine, I am not the woe is me type. I probably have more confidence of self esteem than is good for me. But none of that can change the fact that I think my wife was emotionally attracted to me but not physically attracted to me. My post was really just a statement that I have never personally felt the kind of attraction that is expressed by women on this forum.


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## Rowan (Mar 9, 2011)

Hey there...sorry to hear that you went through that, but I am sure you will find some great people here. Glad you joined and it's nice to see another Floridian here


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## Akahige (Mar 9, 2011)

Rowan said:


> Hey there...sorry to hear that you went through that, but I am sure you will find some great people here. Glad you joined and it's nice to see another Floridian here



Mad world is one of my most favorite songs. It's been my ringtone for ages. You live in Gville or do you attened school at unf/shands ?


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Mar 10, 2011)

Akahige said:


> I think you totally missed the point of all that I have said. My thought process is just fine, I am not the woe is me type. I probably have more confidence of self esteem than is good for me. But none of that can change the fact that I think my wife was emotionally attracted to me but not physically attracted to me. My post was really just a statement that I have never personally felt the kind of attraction that is expressed by women on this forum.




Your post-script was "fuck my life". If that's not a woe is me statement, I don't know what is. 

Again, I think you are setting yourself up for failure if you are using a highly atypical response that is found on here in regards to a fat man's body, as the benchmark of attraction. Sure, it is fantastic to experience a woman who can't get enough of your belly. I would say, however, that isn't something that should define attraction/desire. 

I have been with both FFA's and non-ffa's alike. In my experience, someone who is a non-ffa can still exhibit attraction and desire. Just because she isn't fawning over your belly, doesn't mean she isn't attracted to you physically. 

The point of my original comment wasn't to chastise--I have been where you are. Rather, I just hope you wind up missing out on someone just because she doesn't define herself as an FFA.


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## Akahige (Mar 10, 2011)

TheMildlyStrangeone said:


> Your post-script was "fuck my life". If that's not a woe is me statement, I don't know what is.
> 
> Again, I think you are setting yourself up for failure if you are using a highly atypical response that is found on here in regards to a fat man's body, as the benchmark of attraction. Sure, it is fantastic to experience a woman who can't get enough of your belly. I would say, however, that isn't something that should define attraction/desire.
> 
> ...



Your response just goes to show that you are narrow-mindedly following your own agenda, reading my post and extracting meaning from a small subtext and twisting it into the main focus. Even pointing out the fuck my life comment. I did not post and say fml I in parenthesis said good place for a fml, to express the mild frustration that realizing I have miss out on attraction in my relationship and do not want another that is void of it. If you notice that my original post was edited there was another line after it in which I made a followup joke, but I guess it was considered not post worthy, there fore the post ends with a fml statement. So I can see how you misunderstood the spirit of the post but you have taken the wrong meaning out of it, an you are the only one everyone else understood what I was commenting on. So if you want to continue posting in my thread with a faulty perspective go ahead but know you got the wrong idea. My post wasn't in the spirit of woe is me it was in the spirit of realization that I can be the object of desire, and gratitude that this place exists.


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## CastingPearls (Mar 10, 2011)

Annnnnnd if worse comes to worse, the ignore feature is a handy dandy little tool to utilize.


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## Rowan (Mar 10, 2011)

Akahige said:


> Mad world is one of my most favorite songs. It's been my ringtone for ages. You live in Gville or do you attened school at unf/shands ?


I am a student at Santa Fe, but I am one of those who actually lives here


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## HDANGEL15 (Mar 12, 2011)

Akahige said:


> My post wasn't in the spirit of woe is me it was in the spirit of realization that I can be the object of desire, and gratitude that this place exists.


*
i am wildly fist pumping for your realization *


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## analikesyourface (Mar 12, 2011)

This makes me angry! This is why every guy I'm attracted to is all like "No, I think that if you see me shirtless, you might die, or something" or, "Are you just using me?"


It makes me sad. I've only met a single *sexy* guy that isn't a hater on his body


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## CastingPearls (Mar 12, 2011)

I'm a sad panda when a guy says, 'You don't want to see my moobs' and I'm like...Yeah...I DO! I like them too!


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## OneHauteMama (Mar 16, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> I'm a sad panda when a guy says, 'You don't want to see my moobs' and I'm like...Yeah...I DO! I like them too!



BFD!! (Big Fuckin Ditto!!) I love moobs and my man thinks I'm nuts lol 

To the OP: Darlin' I know exactly where you're coming from! I was married to someone who wasn't remotely physically attracted to me and it SHOWED. We divorced and he remarried shortly after...and he told me last night that I need to just "put my energy toward getting skinny". Fuckass. 

It's tough to know that I wasn't what he wanted, though I did kind of know it all along...especially when I came here and saw all the FA's fawning over the BBW's...I was amazed that this attraction existed and realized just how much I had missed out on! I know I myself am bi-sizual to a point, but I prefer a bigger, softer, cuddlier man. I'm only a touch over 5ft tall and I'm 255lbs, but I like em BIG lol. Up until now, I've never dated an under 6-footer.

As for how it feels to be in a relationship with someone who is physically attracted to you, it feels _incredible_. Especially after being with someone who WASN'T for so long, ya know? I didn't know I could feel so desired and WANTED. For a long time I was like "Uh-uh! You're not seeing my dimply post-baby squishy belly!! NO WAY!"...Until finally I said to hell with it. If he's gonna love me, he's gonna love all of me. If he doesn't like what I got and breaks up with me over something so stupid, he's not worth my time. To my utter shock, the man was smitten :blush: Knowing that he wants me...not just because he loves who I am inside, but because he desires the entire package...it just makes the relationship that much deeper, in my opinion. 

My first time with a FA was...almost indescribable. My ex never touched my body except in the "important places" twice a month. The guy I was with at the time loved every inch of me, even my tummy and my thunder thighs. It was a very strange but liberating feeling to be on top and have someone grabbing your back rolls, lemme tell ya lmao! Maybe that's TMI, but I guess in a nutshell, being with someone who is attracted to you emotionally as well as physically is the most soul-satisfying experience. :happy:


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## johniav (Mar 17, 2011)

She may not have been the best for you, but I believe that she had to have been attracted to you or else she would not have been able to be with you in a romantic way. On to a better life. Forget that past and enjoy the great poetential that comes with being single...true freedom..


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## lovelocs (Mar 18, 2011)

I found it funny. The first time a man actually found me attractive, I couldn't help but laugh. He couldn't help but feel a little insecure about that, because he had issues of his own...

Even today, I sometimes find myself grinning uncontrollably during sex, like "hehehe, fooled you..." 

Afterwards, things I'd always hated about my body, I suddenly kinda liked.


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## CastingPearls (Mar 18, 2011)

lovelocs said:


> I found it funny. The first time a man actually found me attractive, I couldn't help but laugh. He couldn't help but feel a little insecure about that, because he had issues of his own...
> 
> Even today, I sometimes find myself grinning uncontrollably during sex, like "hehehe, fooled you..."
> 
> Afterwards, things I'd always hated about my body, I suddenly kinda liked.


There are certain aspects or little quirks about my body that I am self-conscious about AT FIRST but then once I'm with someone and they're cool, it's totally forgotten so I do get when someone is initially unsure but I don't think that's isolated to fat folk. Even our thinner counterparts can experience that.


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## FishCharming (Mar 20, 2011)

lovelocs said:


> I found it funny. The first time a man actually found me attractive, I couldn't help but laugh. He couldn't help but feel a little insecure about that, because he had issues of his own...
> 
> Even today, I sometimes find myself grinning uncontrollably during sex, like "hehehe, fooled you..."
> 
> Afterwards, things I'd always hated about my body, I suddenly kinda liked.



i've been yelled at more than once about laughing during sex! sometimes it's just so awkward that's it's laughable and sometimes it's one of these "hey, remember when you said that you would never sleep with me under any circumstance?" laughs, lol.


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## spanky.pinata (Mar 20, 2011)

its the same from the other side

i crack up at guys expressions when they realise I honestly find them sexy as hell...in fact i love teasing them just out of lust, even when they have gotten over their insecurities


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## CastingPearls (Mar 20, 2011)

I have laughed during sex and probably will again. Sometimes it's funny and fun but sometimes it's really joyful and the emotional rush affects all of us differently.


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## Broadside (Jul 13, 2011)

analikesyourface said:


> This makes me angry! This is why every guy I'm attracted to is all like "No, I think that if you see me shirtless, you might die, or something" or, "Are you just using me?"
> 
> 
> It makes me sad. I've only met a single *sexy* guy that isn't a hater on his body





CastingPearls said:


> I'm a sad panda when a guy says, 'You don't want to see my moobs' and I'm like...Yeah...I DO! I like them too!





OneHauteMama said:


> BFD!! (Big Fuckin Ditto!!) I love moobs and my man thinks I'm nuts lol





spanky.pinata said:


> its the same from the other side
> 
> i crack up at guys expressions when they realise I honestly find them sexy as hell...in fact i love teasing them just out of lust, even when they have gotten over their insecurities




Bless every last damn one of you! :bow:

I must admit, I have never been comfortable with my body, not truly anyway. It's made intimacy a problem in various respects, but certainly to the point where I have actually kept my shirt on during sex a few times.

In fact, something I've never told anyone is that my truest and deepest fantasies have always involved a woman being able to look right through my defenses and hang-ups, help rip them out of me, and finally destroy them. Not a heroine or anything like that, just a warm smile, soft hand, and lots of genuine affection, that's all.

Up until very recently it was just a fool's paradise, and had no tangible parts to it. Those posts, although relatively old now, give that fantasy substance.

Thanks. :wubu:


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## escapist (Jul 13, 2011)

Akahige said:


> Whats it like being with someone that is physically attracted to you?



Not even 1/2 as fun as when you are into each other! I'm not sure how much the "just" Physical part really even comes into play. You can be totally Hot and a 100% Duche-bag of a guy or a total Witch of a woman. If your into really into someone and have a great connection for real, you feel it on a very physical level. I can't be the only guy on earth who wasn't into a girls total body, but every time I looked into a her eyes was 100% captivated and felt amazing things. Her smile, her lips, her every gesture, a thing of beauty. Entrancing and intoxicating, just as much if not more so than just the shape or curve of a hip, thigh, or breast.

We all have perfect, and imperfect parts, real attraction is when they all meet together. Nothing separated, and you still see it as a treasure.


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