# Can we have a real discussion about feederism?



## thatgirl08 (Oct 25, 2009)

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against threads about fantasies and picture requests and what have you but I think this board is sorely lacking in a REAL discussion about feederism. 

Between people from this site often interacting in real life and the fact that in some cases, the fetish is stigmatized on here, I think it's often difficult for people who are active in the community to discuss their interest or involvement in the fetish and I get that but, I think it's important that we have a discussion about feederism that isn't 1. solely fantasy based or 2. run by people who for the most part, don't engage in it on any level. I've had good one-on-one discussions with people about the fetish, but I just think it'd be nice to have a thread where a lot of people could discuss it openly. I realize this thread may totally tank because people don't want to discuss it, but judging by private discussions I've had with people from this board, we are long overdue for this type of thread.

I don't want this thread to dissolve into a debate about moral or health implications of participation or purely about fantasies and certainly not about asking for pictures.. I want to discuss what impact feederism actually has on your life and how you deal with the associated issues.

I know I'm not the only one that has ever been morally conflicted about this or who has wondered about how to safely or realistically incorporate a fantasy into a real life relationship. The reason I started this thread here as opposed to Fat-Forums, Fantasy Feeder, Curvage or whatever is because I think the atmosphere here could lend itself to a valuable discussion. Like I said, I realize this thread may go nowhere because don't want to participate but I sincerely hope it does because I think it could be beneficial to the community as a whole. 

How involved in the fetish are you (is it something you pursue full time as a lifestyle choice, something only for the bedroom or something you only fantasize about?)

How do you safely incorporate the fantasy into your relationship and your life?

Do you ever worry you may 'go too far' or help your partner go too far?

How do you broach the subject with a new partner?

Do you worry about health issues and if so, how do you reconcile this with participation in the fetish?

Are there any aspects you don't like about it? 

These are just some random questions I thought of off of the top of my head, maybe one of these could get a conversation going.


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## littlefairywren (Oct 25, 2009)

Good idea thatgirl08. I am curious to see what the results will be I have no solid thoughts or questions as yet though...


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## kioewen (Oct 25, 2009)

I think what would help right off the bat is a fairly precise definition of feederism -- exactly what it is, what it isn't. Is it attraction to the partner's physical ingestion of food? The gain that results? Both?

I also would not call feederism a "fetish," for example -- but that's a side issue regarding the definition of "fetish," and there's a whole other thread for that already.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 25, 2009)

> How involved in the fetish are you (is it something you pursue full time as a lifestyle choice, something only for the bedroom or something you only fantasize about?)



For me it's not a lifestyle but a sexually based activity that I have engaged in IRL with 2 partners. One was more an ongoing series of encounters with a person I liked but was not pursuing a relationship with, i.e. we'd go out to eat with the purpose of him eating a lot but while out we'd also discuss sports or current events. The other started out as an online PM, progressed to real life meetings, possible pursuit of a traditional relationship that did not work out and is now basically a "friends with benefits" thing except that the "benefits" part is feeding. We've been friends for three years and while a lot of our real life/phone encounters are feederism based, we also talk about work, dating, family, sports, etc.



> How do you safely incorporate the fantasy into your relationship and your life?



In the case of the ongoing friendship, he sees a doctor regularly and lets me know if his blood pressure is up or he's generally not feeling well. We know each other well enough to engage in fantasy talk or phone sex (we don't live close so don't get to spend as much time in person as we'd like but we use phone/email/text).



> Do you ever worry you may 'go too far' or help your partner go too far?



Yes.


> How do you broach the subject with a new partner?



N/A. Anyone I've done it with i met on here. For me it is very very very much a role play thing. I don't get off on just randomly watching a guy eat and I'd never trick or manipulate somebody into gaining both because it's unethical and because I would not enjoy it. The other person HAS TO be into it. I dated somebody who wasn't and he offered to let me feed him and I declined--it's not fun unless your partner is getting off on it. I've told numerous partners, even a one night stand, I was into it---i'm not ashamed, just nobody i've met IRL has been interested.



> Do you worry about health issues and if so, how do you reconcile this with participation in the fetish?



Yes. I reconcile it because weight gain is a sexuality for some people. They do not feel "right" in a smaller body and they are not sexually fulfilled absense the presence of stuffing/gaining/being fed. For some people if they're not doing this, they feel incomplete and frustrated and not like themselves. 

I saw a post on Curvage that likened it to Gender Identity Disorder. Just as a tran feels "wrong" in a male/female body, a gainer feels "wrong" in a smaller body. Sexuality is an integral part of being human. I've watched my friend become a lot happier, sexier (in his own mind), more confident, and generally more vital since gaining.



> Are there any aspects you don't like about it?



The drive to participate in it is very strong. It can be hard if you're with a parnter who's not and you maybe have to think about it in order to get off. That does not bother me, I'm perfectly content if I'm having a sexual encounter that is not about feederism to simply enjoy it and then orgasm from fantasy about it. That being said as into it as I am, I have no problem if i have to have it only as fantasy if a relationship was great in other ways. I can't say there are any particular aspects I don't like because it's a lot of fun and very sexually intense. I think it's so intense because you have to seek it out, whether by coming online or even just dialing up a fantasy, it's not something out there in the real world where you're bombarded with it as you are with vanilla sex. You're not going to see it as a cover story on a magazine or have a Law and Order episode about it.


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## seasuperchub84 (Oct 25, 2009)

Excellent post love BHMS. As a SSBHM, I fall into the category of someone with the equivalent of Gender Identity Disorder with my weight...and I was told that I could be "cured" of this...LOL. Im so sick of "science".


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## Paquito (Oct 25, 2009)

A great idea, thatgirl08! Curious to see what everyone says. Will have questions answered soon, provided that it would be ok for a gainer to answer (willing to try feeding, just never had the chance).


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 25, 2009)

Thanks to everyone for replying to the thread so far. I’m glad to see there is some interest. Especially thanks to LBHMs for her detailed responses! I appreciate it. :] 

Kioewen &#8211; I think that’s an interesting question. Firstly, I think feederism is a fetish mainly because those who are into it have sexualized something that is not normally sexualized. Also, for me personally, 95% of the time I need it in some way (even if it’s just fantasy) to get off or to feel completely satisfied. 

I use the term feederism pretty loosely to incorporate stuffing, bloating, weight gain and occasionally inflation. I look at it more like an umbrella term under which there are very aspects and subfetishes that someone could be interested in.

I figured I’d also answer my own questions.

Like LBHMs, I don’t make a lifestyle out of it. My current boyfriend is also into it and him and I do incorporate aspects into our relationship but it’s not something that dominates our entire relationship or sex life. For us, it’s mainly a bedroom type activity. 

Thus far, we haven’t encountered any issues with safety (health issues, for example) but I do worry about it, which ties into me being afraid of &#8216;going to far’ Sometimes I wonder how a relationship like this would work long time (I’d love to hear peoples thoughts or actual experiences about this.) 

Also like LBHMs, I’ve never had to broach the subject with a partner because when I previously had boyfriends/partners before my current boyfriend and my partner before that I didn’t want to bring it up or participate. I agree about it not being as hot or satisfying unless they are also into it. My last important non-feederism relationship was when I was 16 with a boy named Jesse and at that point in my life I was trying to purge myself of the fetish and trying to lose weight so I certainly did not try to bring it up him whatsoever.

There are some aspects of feederism that don’t appeal to me but nothing in particular stands out at the moment.

Another question for thought - how do you feel about humilation and how do you reconcile that type of play within a loving, commited relationship or at least a respectful FWB situation?


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## joh (Oct 25, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> How involved in the fetish are you (is it something you pursue full time as a lifestyle choice, something only for the bedroom or something you only fantasize about?)


Obviously you know the answer to this for us, but to contribute to the thread: It is apart of both my lifestyle (though to a very small extent, especially compared to...) and my bedroom. I always encourage eating and I really enjoy (and do whenever I can) buying food/meals for Rachel. And she has put on weight, which I'm sure I'm not solely responsible for, but I am a reasonable factor towards her gains. 



thatgirl08 said:


> How do you safely incorporate the fantasy into your relationship and your life?


We don't go crazy; we're not consumed sexually by trying to involve feederism into every meal, or looking for an opportunity to eat. It's just something that we like to mention every so often - "Want any _more_ food?", "You sure are looking bigger" type of thing.



thatgirl08 said:


> Do you ever worry you may 'go too far' or help your partner go too far?


Yes, and when/if we approach that point I will stop and I will help her stop if she needs or wants its.



thatgirl08 said:


> How do you broach the subject with a new partner?


Haven't had to. I met Rachel here 



thatgirl08 said:


> Do you worry about health issues and if so, how do you reconcile this with participation in the fetish?


I do, but at the same time I realize that like everything in the world in moderation it can be done fine with minimal health issues. Also, we're both consenting adults with sexual needs -- we have the right to engage in feederism if we *both* want to.



thatgirl08 said:


> Are there any aspects you don't like about it?


Not really, but the stigma is carries around here can be an annoyance at times.


I really want to stress that feederism is like (most) everything else in the world; in moderation its fine and can really be an enjoyable act! And even a couple has reached that "point" where it is affecting their lives in a more than ordinary way, sometimes they want that. Though it's not the norm, if feeding leads to immobility and that's the desired effect than that's fine. We all have separate lives and we should be allowed to live it how we want


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 25, 2009)

> Another question for thought - how do you feel about humilation and how do you reconcile that type of play within a loving, commited relationship or at least a respectful FWB situation?



Well I think it's very important to distinguish between humilation in a sexual/sexual fetish sense and actual humiliation. It's like being turned on by laziness or domination or submission or any number of other things that are different in sexuality and real life.

My FWB enjoys humiliation _as a component of sex play._ He likes to be teased and called name and he likes me to make fun of him for times his gain causes interference in things. When we fantasize or play pretend things, oftentimes we'll talk about him being unable to do things or how i'm going to talk to him about not being able to go out or needing to buy a new car b/c he's too fat. Those things are all in the context of us relating to each other.

Obviously I don't want him to experience humiliation or any other sort of discomfort in real life. I would never engage in any talk or actions that were not designed to bring about sexual enjoyment. I would certainly never take pleasure in anyone being hurt or humiliated IRL.

IMO this is like the notion of a "rape fantasy". Having a rape fantasy does not mean you want to be raped, it means you have a fantasy that arouses you about certain actions taking place but clearly it's a controlled situation. Humiliation done in a sexual context is precisely the same thing---you're not humiliating the person in the mundane sense of the word since the humiliation is done for sexual pleasure of both parties, and typically the subject is way more turned on that the humilator.


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 25, 2009)

Yeah, you pretty much summed up how I feel about it. The only thing I worry about is that this pretend power play exchange may actually end up invading aspects of real life. I suppose that's why communication with your partner is important though. Also, I'm paranoid about everything so I might be overthinking.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 25, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> Yeah, you pretty much summed up how I feel about it. The only thing I worry about is that this pretend power play exchange may actually end up invading aspects of real life. I suppose that's why communication with your partner is important though. Also, I'm paranoid about everything so I might be overthinking.



Communication and honesty are always key, both in being able to express yourself and in listening to and responding to what your partner wants and needs. Everyone has limits with this stuff and you just need to discuss them. As long as you're both mature adults everything should be fine.


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## kioewen (Oct 25, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> I use the term feederism pretty loosely to incorporate stuffing, bloating, weight gain and occasionally inflation.



Ah, okay. This was why I asked for a definition. I always took "feederism" to have something to do with either watching a BBW consume large quantities of food, or appreciating the gain that results from that, or perhaps some combination of the two.

You mention "inflation," which I'm guessing is appreciation of size increase without any ingestion of food involved? I've read stories by FAs where this is some sort of "magic" component that causes a girl to gain weight, but without her having consumed any more food than usual, so I suppose that falls under the category.

The other terms I can guess at.


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 25, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Communication and honesty are always key, both in being able to express yourself and in listening to and responding to what your partner wants and needs. Everyone has limits with this stuff and you just need to discuss them. As long as you're both mature adults everything should be fine.



Yeah, I'm sure you're right it's just that sometimes I worry about 'going too far' in this sense as well, especially since I am extremely sub when it comes to this stuff.. letting up too much power. I love and trust my boyfriend but do worry about getting too carried away.



kioewen said:


> Ah, okay. This was why I asked for a definition. I always took "feederism" to have something to do with either watching a BBW consume large quantities of food, or appreciating the gain that results from that, or perhaps some combination of the two.
> 
> You mention "inflation," which I'm guessing is appreciation of size increase without any ingestion of food involved? I've read stories by FAs where this is some sort of "magic" component that causes a girl to gain weight, but without her having consumed any more food than usual, so I suppose that falls under the category.
> 
> The other terms I can guess at.



Inflation could also be with air or with consuming a large amount of water in a short period of time (basically, bloating.)


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## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 25, 2009)

*How involved in the fetish are you (is it something you pursue full time as a lifestyle choice, something only for the bedroom or something you only fantasize about?)*

Well, in every serious relationship I've been in, I'd say it's been a pretty big part of the sexual aspect of them all. It's not something I base the relationship around, but I'd say that it is ultimately a lifestyle choice because it's not something that you can just remove once you leave the bedroom. You gain any amount of weight and it's going to be there whether you're "in the mood" or not. 

*How do you safely incorporate the fantasy into your relationship and your life?
*
I think it's important to have a discussion before anything takes place and quite a few during because this is something that will begin to effect certain aspects of ones life and not just the physical stuff. If you're going to be actively gaining weight than you may have to deal with opposition from friends and family and you could end up second guessing yourself a lot. It's essential to have this clear mutual understanding with your partner that you'll work out anything that comes along because as with anything in a relationship and especially with something as unconventional as this, you'll need a lot of reassurance and support. 
*
Do you ever worry you may 'go too far' or help your partner go too far?*

Absolutely. It's one of the biggest reasons I am apprehensive about the whole desire. This is something I can only see myself sharing with some one I loved and I don't think I'd ever want to make anyone I cared for that deeply to suffer because of our sexual desires. One of the most difficult aspects is that for some people the risk is a huge part of the allure. You never truly know how far gone you are because your partner might not want you to know because they don't want it to stop. The thing with feederism though is that it doesn't happen overnight. Your partner is not going to wake up 500lbs heavier one morning and suddenly not know what hit them. I would hope any two people engaged in this would be very honest with each other and would feel comfortable being able to say I think I've reached my limit. 

*How do you broach the subject with a new partner?*

I've found that being 100% honest is the way to go. The thing with feederism is, you don't actually need to gain any weight for many fantasy aspects to be fulfilled. You could just start out by saying, you know, I think you'll really look hot in a shirt that was a few sizes too small. I think that is a relatively harmless way to try to explain why you find it so erotic. 

Of course some people will think you're a bit off, but in that case, show them the video of the dude with the glass jar breaking in your ass. You're just not that bizarre. 

*Do you worry about health issues and if so, how do you reconcile this with participation in the fetish?*

The health issue aspect is my biggest fear. I think it's anyone's biggest fear though when it comes to this. If there was no health issue problem, I don't think there would be too much apprehension. However, that is not the case so it is something I will NEVER be fully comfortable with and all you can really do is have that trust between you and your partner and be able to communicate if one person was really worried and just felt like it's too much. 

So, yes, this is issue #1 and I suggest staying on top of it as much as possible. 

*Are there any aspects you don't like about it? *

The aforementioned potential health issue is the biggest, but beyond that I'd say just how unforgiving people can be when it comes to this. It can be quite polarizing, but all I can say is that there are many sane rational people who are into this and in the end I think we'll all do what we feel is best for one another and that is all I can really say to ease some of the fears around here.


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## thea (Oct 26, 2009)

I'm really glad to see this post...
I'm an FFA of normal weight. I've known since I was 11 or 12 that I...desired...overweight men. To this day I can't explain it. Noone in my family was heavy; they were prudish people and perhaps catagorized eating and sex together.
I was in a weird limbo. My desire for bigger men was, I suppose, as strong as a gay person's desire for partners of their own sex, but...and this is typical of people that are coming out of the closet as well, I had no idea how to act on it. I was trained to be chased, and I was. I thought that I might be asexual. My handsome partners bored me to death...
And then one night a really big guy had the 'nerve' to seduce me. He later called it 'taking a huge risk'. But I thought that the big dudes, to me the most attractive men, didn't ask me because they didn't like me...
It didn't take a lot of time to convince him that I really loved his body. It was the best sex either of us have ever had. It also didn't take me long to become concerned. We are both Chefs. In a year he gained 70 pounds, and he wasn't slim to start.
I worried for his heart, his health, just about everything but his self esteem, which I was proud to have improved. I worried that I was some sort of secret dominatrix, hurting him. I have found these sites, but I'm still confused about my motives. I don't understand why I'm hardwired the way I am. I'm glad, by the way, to have found this forum...I feel a lot less alone. But I do not, at least conciously, want to contribute to my lover's demise, and that idea keeps me up at night frequently...


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 26, 2009)

> *but beyond that I'd say just how unforgiving people can be when it comes to this*. It can be quite polarizing, but all I can say is that there are many sane rational people who are into this and in the end I think we'll all do what we feel is best for one another and that is all I can really say to ease some of the fears around here.



QFT QFT QFT.

I have never understood why the contingent on this board who purport to be sooooo open minded, sensitive and understanding about everything on the planet winds up nasty and judgemental and downright mean about something like a sexual fetish.


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 26, 2009)

Yeah, totally agreed, which is one of the main reasons I started this thread.


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## Mack27 (Oct 27, 2009)

Feederism is one of my things, among other things. I haven't practiced it in years because the women I've been with were fulfilling one of my other...things. I'm open about it, I was comparing posters of Patriots Cheerleaders and commented with my buddies around "Look at this one, she must have gained 15 pounds between the 2008 and 2009 poster, NICE!" There was one of those annoying emails with a picture illustrating the difference between French and American women, one slim and one fat duh..and I replied "Thanks for the picture of those 2 hotties." I don't think about the reconciling fantasy and whatever, I just take it one day at a time and play it by ear. As far as health concerns go, well yeah, you think about it. Logically I'm like "Hey she's an equal person with free will and she can stop this at any time." But you get emotionally involved and you have to be open with her about any health concerns.

About broaching the subject, I'm so matter of fact about it that it always gets broached. "I think I gained a little weight." is immediately responded to by "It looks good on you, eat whatever you want." "Does this make me look fat?" draws the response of "I wish!" "You're not one of those feeders are you?" "Don't worry, I'm one of the good ones."


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 27, 2009)

The "one of the good ones" thing really gets me as far as the perception of feeders, especially on Dims.

Obviously like with any fetish or sexual practice, there are those who practice it by being honest and communicating with a partner or potential partner, and those who are dishonest or selfish. It has nothing to do with feederims rather than vanilla sex or anything else. If you're seeking vanilla heterosexual sexual intercourse and you lie to a potential partner, that is just as bad as manipulating a partner into gaining. If you have unprotected intercourse knowing you have an STD, that is just as bad as practicing feederism past where somebody's health is at risk.

Lying and dishonesty and any other ethical behaviour are not exclusive to feeders or any other fetishists.


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## Tad (Oct 27, 2009)

Hi, my name is Tad, and Im both a feedee and a feeder. 

My last act of erotic self-feeding was earlier this week, when I was doing groceries and picked up a candy bar not because I was really hungry or even because I wanted something sweet, but rather for the pure erotic kick of eating it when I wasnt hungry nor otherwise really wanted it. (food can feel like foreplay, but it is a lot easier to have food on your lunch break!) There have been times when Ive given into that sort of desire fairly often, and ended up gaining weight, and there have been times when I manage to spread those out, and make them small enough, that I hold my weight steady. Occasionally if Im also more active than usual I even manage to edge my weight down a little bit, ever so slowly.

Ive never been erotically fed by another, in the sense of fed used in this topic (the nine and a half weeks style is something different). 

Ive never had a feedee partner, so have never done any mutually erotic feeding. 

It has been over a dozen years since I encouraged my foodee partner in unfettered enjoyment of food. Back then I did it with full knowledge that this was also leading to a slow but steady weight gain, and I took erotic enjoyment both from her consumption and her gain. Since she decided that she wanted to reign in her eating and lose some weight Ive worked very hard not to provide the sort of encouragement that I did before. 

The last occasion on which I helped provide food that was probably really not needed was last night. My wife was still hungry after dinner, and was musing about warming up some mini spring rolls. She was on the computer at the time, and I offered to get them from the freezer and put them in the oven. Was that helping to encourage over consumption, or just helping? Either way, even knowing that she isnt gaining weight there was still some vestigial thrill in it for me. It is that thrill which makes it hard to be sure that Im innocently helping, not engaging in feeder activity.

As my partner is not a feeder nor a feedee weve never made this part of our bedroom activity. I never even really told her about my feelings in detail; I gave some very vague feeling for them when we first met, but it was not until I got onto the internet years later that I learned all the terminology and came to figure out more fully what appealed to me, and by that time I understood that telling her these things in more detail would not be doing her a favour, that these would be my issues to manage within myself.

The closest Ive come to a methadone program for all of this is tea. I drink quite a bit of tea these days, and offer to make tea for her quite often. It doesnt provide the same thrill by any means, but it seems to help stifle the food urge for a little while.

I could say more, but I think I should go have some tea now.


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## GordoNegro (Oct 27, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against threads about fantasies and picture requests and what have you but I think this board is sorely lacking in a REAL discussion about feederism.
> 
> Between people from this site often interacting in real life and the fact that in some cases, the fetish is stigmatized on here, I think it's often difficult for people who are active in the community to discuss their interest or involvement in the fetish and I get that but, I think it's important that we have a discussion about feederism that isn't 1. solely fantasy based or 2. run by people who for the most part, don't engage in it on any level. I've had good one-on-one discussions with people about the fetish, but I just think it'd be nice to have a thread where a lot of people could discuss it openly. I realize this thread may totally tank because people don't want to discuss it, but judging by private discussions I've had with people from this board, we are long overdue for this type of thread.
> 
> ...



Just adding my 2 cents to this real discussion.


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 27, 2009)

Tad said:


> Hi, my name is Tad, and Im both a feedee and a feeder.
> 
> My last act of erotic self-feeding was earlier this week, when I was doing groceries and picked up a candy bar not because I was really hungry or even because I wanted something sweet, but rather for the pure erotic kick of eating it when I wasnt hungry nor otherwise really wanted it. (food can feel like foreplay, but it is a lot easier to have food on your lunch break!) There have been times when Ive given into that sort of desire fairly often, and ended up gaining weight, and there have been times when I manage to spread those out, and make them small enough, that I hold my weight steady. Occasionally if Im also more active than usual I even manage to edge my weight down a little bit, ever so slowly.
> 
> ...



Sorry if this is too personal, and if it is feel free to ignore it, but do you ever feel dissatisfied with your sex life because feederism isn't a part of it? Now that I've dated/been with three FA's and have incorporated feeding in some level into four "relationships" (using that term loosely in this situation) I think it'd be hard for me to date someone I met like, at school or at the club or something and I think it'd be difficult for me to feel fully satisfied sexually if feeding wasn't incorporated into my sex life. Thoughts?


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## Chef (Oct 28, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> Sorry if this is too personal, and if it is feel free to ignore it, but do you ever feel dissatisfied with your sex life because feederism isn't a part of it? Now that I've dated/been with three FA's and have incorporated feeding in some level into four "relationships" (using that term loosely in this situation) I think it'd be hard for me to date someone I met like, at school or at the club or something and I think it'd be difficult for me to feel fully satisfied sexually if feeding wasn't incorporated into my sex life. Thoughts?



Yes, I'd agree that once you've reached the level of erotic feeding, anything less than that would not be fully satisfying until you discovered something else unrelated that fulfilled your satisfaction.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 28, 2009)

> Sorry if this is too personal, and if it is feel free to ignore it, but do you ever feel dissatisfied with your sex life because feederism isn't a part of it? Now that I've dated/been with three FA's and have incorporated feeding in some level into four "relationships" (using that term loosely in this situation) I think it'd be hard for me to date someone I met like, at school or at the club or something and I think it'd be difficult for me to feel fully satisfied sexually if feeding wasn't incorporated into my sex life. Thoughts?



I put this in my original answer, but at least for myself, I don't need it to be part of a fulfilling sexual encounter or relationship. I can be satisfied just having it exist mentally (fantasizing) and not in actuality if it's physically enjoyable. Since it's not a lifestyle for me, I can just have it exist only during those times when I need to get off.


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## Tad (Oct 28, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> Sorry if this is too personal, and if it is feel free to ignore it, but do you ever feel dissatisfied with your sex life because feederism isn't a part of it? Now that I've dated/been with three FA's and have incorporated feeding in some level into four "relationships" (using that term loosely in this situation) I think it'd be hard for me to date someone I met like, at school or at the club or something and I think it'd be difficult for me to feel fully satisfied sexually if feeding wasn't incorporated into my sex life. Thoughts?





LoveBHMS said:


> I put this in my original answer, but at least for myself, I don't need it to be part of a fulfilling sexual encounter or relationship. I can be satisfied just having it exist mentally (fantasizing) and not in actuality if it's physically enjoyable. Since it's not a lifestyle for me, I can just have it exist only during those times when I need to get off.



I guess I'm somewhat similar to LoveBHMs in this regard. I often spin a quick fat and/or gaining related fantasy in my head as part of foreplay, then once things are getting more intense physically it matters less. Other days no fantasy is required....certainly when I was younger no fantasy was generally required, but in my twenties being 'in the mood' was more of a constant state of being, as opposed to something that takes a bit of focus to achieve as it is now. 

However, being a feeder/feedee may be different than being just one of them, I think? That is my sexuality is not so closely entwined with just one thing, which maybe makes it easier to deal with not having this or that? Plus I imagine that feeder or feedee desires must vary in intensity even between people who definitely have them, so others may have those as a stronger need than I do. And finally, not having been exposed to talk of these things when first discovering my sexuality might have kept me from becoming as focused on it?


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 28, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> I put this in my original answer, but at least for myself, I don't need it to be part of a fulfilling sexual encounter or relationship. I can be satisfied just having it exist mentally (fantasizing) and not in actuality if it's physically enjoyable. Since it's not a lifestyle for me, I can just have it exist only during those times when I need to get off.



In the context of a long term romantic relationship would you feel comfortable doing this fantasizing while having sex with a partner who was either unaware or uninterested?


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 28, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> In the context of a long term romantic relationship would you feel comfortable doing this fantasizing while having sex with a partner who was either unaware or uninterested?



Yes, and i've done so. I just feel like it's not possible for any one person to be perfect and be able to give/offer you every single thing possible. There are plenty of things to enjoy sexually with any number of partners, and this is something that can exist solely in my mind, for orgasmic purposes and then I don't really "need" it anymore if that makes sense. I'd compare it maybe with somebody who needs a vibrator to orgasm...maybe it's not 100% ideal and perfect to not be able to orgasm just from your partner's body alone, but so long as you _can_ orgasm and you know how to do it, I think it's ok to make that concession if there were other positive aspects. The vast majority of straight males are not going to be into this, so I think limitting partners that way is not a good idea. That I may use it mentally to finish off I don't think in any way takes away from what a man may have to offer.


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 28, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Yes, and i've done so. I just feel like it's not possible for any one person to be perfect and be able to give/offer you every single thing possible. There are plenty of things to enjoy sexually with any number of partners, and this is something that can exist solely in my mind, for orgasmic purposes and then I don't really "need" it anymore if that makes sense. I'd compare it maybe with somebody who needs a vibrator to orgasm...maybe it's not 100% ideal and perfect to not be able to orgasm just from your partner's body alone, but so long as you _can_ orgasm and you know how to do it, I think it's ok to make that concession if there were other positive aspects. The vast majority of straight males are not going to be into this, so I think limitting partners that way is not a good idea. That I may use it mentally to finish off I don't think in any way takes away from what a man may have to offer.



Hm, see I'd agree with you as long as the guy was aware of this and was okay with it. Not mentioning it all, in the context of a long term relationship, seems .. I don't want to say deceitful but, something I wouldn't be comfortable with. I'm all about telling each other _every little thing_ so it'd be hard to keep something this big from my partner.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 28, 2009)

I don't know. With my last boyfriend, i told him about it, he was not into it, offered to let me feed him, and i declined because it would not have been fun. I did not make a point of saying "Ok i'm going to be thinking about feederism while you go down on me" but I don't think that was necessary. I can't say I found it deceitful---it's not as if he would find out and he did know i was into it. 

I'm not about the sharing everything part. I think it is great if that is where the relationship is and where the two people involved are. I can't say how every guy I know would react to it and i can't say there might not be a situation where bringing it up might not be a good idea.


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 28, 2009)

Yeah, I see what you're saying. I guess it depends on the specific relationship.


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## joh (Oct 28, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> Another question for thought - how do you feel about humilation and how do you reconcile that type of play within a loving, commited relationship or at least a respectful FWB situation?


I'm going to come out and say it, humiliation can be hot. But it's only enjoyable when both parties are comfortable. Putting your partner into a humiliating situation in public from which you may gain pleasure from is not cool. It's definitely more of a bedroom activity that can become a cute, inside joke type of thing in public. Especially when there are little things that both of you notice, but everyone else is oblivious to and you each shoot each other looks of glee.

Another thing, humiliation is definitely something that both partners have to consent to. I couldn't imagine forcing a partner into doing something humiliating just for my sake.


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 28, 2009)

joh said:


> I'm going to come out and say it, humiliation can be hot. But it's only enjoyable when both parties are comfortable. Putting your partner into a humiliating situation in public from which you may gain pleasure from is not cool. It's definitely more of a bedroom activity that can become a cute, inside joke type of thing in public. Especially when there are little things that both of you notice, but everyone is obvlious and you each shoot each other looks of glee.
> 
> Another thing, humiliation is definitely something that both partners have to consent to. I couldn't imagine forcing a partner into doing something humiliating just for my sake.



That's just it, it's 'humiliation' in a sexual context, not a mundane context. it's like if you were into bondage, you'd indulge in that within the framework of a sexual experience, you would not just tie somebody up or restrict their movement without their consent. I love name calling, but I only love it if the person being called names is getting off on it.


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## joh (Oct 28, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> That's just it, it's 'humiliation' in a sexual context, not a mundane context. it's like if you were into bondage, you'd indulge in that within the framework of a sexual experience, you would not just tie somebody up or restrict their movement without their consent. I love name calling, but I only love it if the person being called names is getting off on it.


Exactly. Besides being a bondage of sorts, it is also a bonding experience. You have to be very comfrotable around your partner and have a lot of trust in them to expose yourself like that; to make yourself vulnerable and know they won't take advantage of you is just magical almost. In that sense it also becomes more than just a sexual experience!


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 28, 2009)

joh said:


> Exactly. Besides being a bondage of sorts, it is also a bonding experience. You have to be very comfrotable around your partner and have a lot of trust in them to expose yourself like that; to make yourself vulnerable and know they won't take advantage of you is just magical almost. In that sense it also becomes more than just a sexual experience!



well that is the thing about most fetishes, I think. They involve such a specific sexuality that when you are both so specifically in tune with each other it's really transcendent and a total bonding thing. And i'd say typically with the somewhat 'deviant' things, you probably grow up totally unable to figure out why you are the way you are and then you find somebody who is THE SAME WAY. it's like you can suddenly materialize everything about yourself you thought was weird and unique and make it come to life. 

Yes...magical.


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## bdog (Oct 29, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> How involved in the fetish are you (is it something you pursue full time as a lifestyle choice, something only for the bedroom or something you only fantasize about?)



Bedroom only with a couple partners. Well, not really bedroom only. Restaurants, ice cream parlors, etc. as well, but certainly not what I'd call a lifestyle.



thatgirl08 said:


> How do you safely incorporate the fantasy into your relationship and your life?



Very easily. It's like enjoying what a lot of people enjoy (food, nurturing, sensuality), and then some.



thatgirl08 said:


> Do you ever worry you may 'go too far' or help your partner go too far?



No.. for better or worse I've never been close to going too far with a partner. It's 'better' because it's been very safe, it's 'worse' because I wouldn't mind if things went a little further with the right person.



thatgirl08 said:


> How do you broach the subject with a new partner?



It varies... but generally I'm astute at picking up on something if it's there. I remember an ex-girlfriend ordering desert at a Thai restaurant (2nd date maybe?) and she started talking about her love of ice cream. It actually took more than a month after that before feeding/food/sex was discussed openly as she was a very special girl and the beginning is a delicate time.



thatgirl08 said:


> Do you worry about health issues and if so, how do you reconcile this with participation in the fetish?



Health takes precedence over kink, obviously, but I can see how it can be a difficult issue. It's a special thing when two people love one enough to talk about these things openly with one another. 



thatgirl08 said:


> Are there any aspects you don't like about it?



I don't like the difficulty of finding compatible partners. Or finding wonderful partners that aren't compatible in this way.



thatgirl08 said:


> Another question for thought - how do you feel about humilation and how do you reconcile that type of play within a loving, commited relationship or at least a respectful FWB situation?



Though I can 'switch' I actually tend to be more sub in feeding situations. If anyone is being humiliated it's me, and it's really hot!!!

--
ps thanks for starting this thread TG08.


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## Tad (Oct 29, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> I don't know. With my last boyfriend, i told him about it, he was not into it, offered to let me feed him, and i declined because it would not have been fun. I did not make a point of saying "Ok i'm going to be thinking about feederism while you go down on me" but I don't think that was necessary. I can't say I found it deceitful---it's not as if he would find out and he did know i was into it.
> 
> I'm not about the sharing everything part. I think it is great if that is where the relationship is and where the two people involved are. I can't say how every guy I know would react to it and i can't say there might not be a situation where bringing it up might not be a good idea.



This just sums it up for me. I'll be back to rep it when I can.


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## thatgirl08 (Oct 29, 2009)

Thanks for your answers bdog! :]


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## exile in thighville (Oct 29, 2009)

great thread


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 31, 2009)

joh said:


> I'm going to come out and say it, humiliation can be hot. But it's only enjoyable when both parties are comfortable. Putting your partner into a humiliating situation in public from which you may gain pleasure from is not cool. It's definitely more of a bedroom activity that can become a cute, inside joke type of thing in public. Especially when there are little things that both of you notice, but everyone else is oblivious to and you each shoot each other looks of glee.
> 
> Another thing, humiliation is definitely something that both partners have to consent to. I couldn't imagine forcing a partner into doing something humiliating just for my sake.


Very good answer, young man. What a bad time to be out of rep  :bow:


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## joh (Nov 1, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Very good answer, young man. What a bad time to be out of rep  :bow:


Aw thanks! Don't worry about the rep


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## mergirl (Nov 23, 2009)

I have a couple of questions:
Are you always honest about being a feeder from the outset of a relationship? Do you think that people who are not honest about their sexuality are doing feeders who are honest a diservice somehow?
Also, why do you think that there are so many posts pertaining to feedism by a lot of people who have only a few posts? I have always wondered this and used to think it was sock puppeting but then realised it might just be that some people only want to talk about certain things.. what do you think?
x


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## KHayes666 (Nov 23, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> How involved in the fetish are you (is it something you pursue full time as a lifestyle choice, something only for the bedroom or something you only fantasize about?)
> 
> How do you safely incorporate the fantasy into your relationship and your life?
> 
> ...



I'm involved as much as my partner is. For instance if I'm dating or seeing an active gainer and she wants me to help her, I'm very involved in the aspect of feederism. Back in March I was with a very lovely gainer and we went to a pasta house, McDonalds and Wendys in the span of 6 hours...needless to say she almost exploded all over me when we were done. But that's what SHE wanted and I wasn't going to complain. The flip side is dating someone who's not into it, that's when I don't ever bring the subject up or I keep it to fantasy/role play only. The girl I'm seeing now told me flat out she didn't like the aspect of actually gaining, but the fantasy of it is fun to play with. So if she and I go out to eat and we eat normal portions, later on she'll say she wishes she ate twice as much so she could be twice the size she is now. No, she doesn't actually wish that but she knows the idea turns me the fuck on and the idea of me turned on in turn, turns HER the fuck on. Its a win/win situation for both of us. So yeah, if my partner is heavily involved in feederism, i'm just as involved. If not, then its not something I talk about.

How do I safely incorporate it....well see above. Like I said, the girl I'm with now doesn't like the idea of actually gaining so we keep it fantasy only. Now, before I was taken and I was flirting with a lot of people, it depended on who I was with. Again, if someone I knew wasn't into it I would never bring it up. Anyone can "safely" incorporate it if they so desire, I'm not quite sure what you mean by safe though.

Do I ever feel like I've gone too far? Honestly no, because I'm more of a passive feeder that lets the feedee dictate the pace. No, I'm not a submissive feeder where I let her walk on me, but more along the lines of if she wants to eat A. B. and C....that's what I'll get her. If the result of eating A. B. and C. means she breaks her chair by the end of the month, not really my fault for doing what she wants is it? I'm not the type to overly encourage someone to finish something they physically can't. I HATE it when people get sick when I'm feeding them, I guess you can say that's the only time I feel like I've gone too far. Its only happened once, but I still feel bad about it.

Good question, I don't actually come out and say "Yeah, I like to encourage girls to eat and get fatter" first thing to anyone. If someone knows my reputation and asks, then I honestly answer that's my MO. However in the case of my g/f, she told me she was afraid of eating around me and I told her that I love how gorgeous and curvy she looks. I also said in a subtle way "You'll probably be eating more than you do now if you're with me" and she said "what if I gain weight" and I go "So what? I like you just the way you are, you'd look good 50 pounds heavier or thinner because you just look good period." She asked if I like girls that get bigger and I honestly said yes, and she said she didn't want to do that (which I respectfully understand) but she likes the fact I don't size discriminate. To me I only touch upon the subject if its brought up by my partner or if it falls in my lap...one time this girl I was dating just said "You know I weigh 218 pounds right?" and I said "How would I have known that?" she said "I was like 200 earlier this year" and I said "You look better now anyway".....sometimes compliments can trigger the discussion, other times someone can simply ask me, it really depends on the person. I'm not the type to say it out loud to someone new, but if I'm asked I tell the truth.

Another good question, I worry about health issues all the time. I try to be very, VERY careful if my partner happens to have diabetes or some other illness that what she eats could trigger a disaster. One girl I was with was allergic to wheat, so I went and researched everything that had wheat in it so I could avoid giving her an allergic reaction. Now, I've never really had to deal with health issues related to size since my car is pretty sturdy and I tend to walk slowly, but that's not something I can properly answer. No, the health issues I've dealt with were allergies, diabetes and other illnesses and I try my best to either work around them, or simply say no. Like I said, I hate when people get sick around me so I do my best to make sure that doesn't happen.

Are there aspects I don't like.....yes, the cost of food. A lot of people write stories where they take a feedee to a restaurant and the person cleans house on just about everything, that would be SUPER expensive depending on where you go. I took my g/f to a place I knew and she and I ordered one thing apiece, the bill was still FORTY dollars. Now if I was with a feedee like in the stories and she ordered like 5 things, the bill would have been well over 100 dollars. Maybe I can splurge like that for a one time event, but I sure as hell wouldn't be able to do it all the time. I don't consider myself a great feeder anymore because I've lost the ability to afford hundred dollar dinners like that. Also, that's just a one night dinner....add in breakfast, lunch and the cost of groceries and that adds up pretty quick. Now if you're making money hand over fist like I used to, feeding a feedee is a little bit easier when you have the funds to buy anything and everything. However when your meager salary can barely afford to buy groceries, 100 dollar dinners are out of the question....which is the only thing about feederism I don't like, the cost.

This is all my personal opinions and experiences, others will be vastly different but I tried to answer your questions with honesty and what I've seen. Hope it brings some contribution to the discussion


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## LoveBHMS (Nov 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I have a couple of questions:
> Are you always honest about being a feeder from the outset of a relationship? Do you think that people who are not honest about their sexuality are doing feeders who are honest a diservice somehow?
> Also, why do you think that there are so many posts pertaining to feedism by a lot of people who have only a few posts? I have always wondered this and used to think it was sock puppeting but then realised it might just be that some people only want to talk about certain things.. what do you think?
> x



Mostly yes. I can't say everyone I know knows i'm into it, but I typically mention it because it's not something I'm ashamed of. There have been men in my life who for some reason I chose to not talk about it, but i'd say it's more a matter of realizing with that particular man it would not be something he'd react well to.

I think the concept of "honesty" is a bit...I dunno...flexible. Like I don't think it's necessary to tell everyone everything about yourself. Maintaining privacy is not always a bad thing.

As to the 'few posts' thing, well for one thing, a lot of people find this to be weird or shameful, or maybe they've shared it with one person and got called a pervert, or maybe they're still at the stage of being freaked out by it and their only outlet is the internet. A lot of people can't discuss it in a rational manner because it scares them. 

Also we have the ever popular Dims Welcoming Society who will often just pummel the shit out of somebody who doesn't post "properly" or have the good sense to have 300 Lounge Posts about their favorite video game, 20 posted pictures, and visibility at a dozen bashes prior to bringing it up. 

You could also talk about 'fakes' as in people pretending to be in a certain feeding or gaining situation, such as the men who magically know down to the ounce how much their wife has weighed every year for the past decade or somebody who claims to be gaining/starting to gain/gained a lot of weight. I personally would not call those people fakes because clearly they're turned on by those situations whether or not they are actually in them. So it's "fake" insofar that it's not really happening but they probably do actually have the fetish.


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## LoveBHMS (Nov 23, 2009)

Oh, forgot to answer about the "diservice" question. No, i don't think you're doing anyone a diservice if you're not honest about it because I don't think we owe the other fetishists anything. It's not as if "Damn you make it harder for all of us when you don't talk about it."

Realistically, it's not as if feederism is that common and even if it were, it's hardly something where you read about feeders or feedees getting beaten up for it or barred from adopting kids or have nasty graffiti spray painted about them. So it's not like you should feel some responsibility to make the world a better place for other feeders.


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## LillyBBBW (Nov 23, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Oh, forgot to answer about the "diservice" question. No, i don't think you're doing anyone a diservice if you're not honest about it because I don't think we owe the other fetishists anything. It's not as if "Damn you make it harder for all of us when you don't talk about it."
> 
> Realistically, it's not as if feederism is that common and even if it were, it's hardly something where you read about feeders or feedees getting beaten up for it or barred from adopting kids or have nasty graffiti spray painted about them. So it's not like you should feel some responsibility to make the world a better place for other feeders.



Also I don't see being a feeder the same as being a CPA or a Southern Baptist. I wouldn't announce being a feeder/feedee to a new person any more than I would tell them I like to take it in the butt. Not unless I feel that they need to be in to it too in order for me to be involved with them. When the time is appropriate I will mention it and all the other stuff I'm in to too but not a second before. I don't think I'm doing a disservice to anyone by being that way.


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## mergirl (Nov 23, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Mostly yes. I can't say everyone I know knows i'm into it, but I typically mention it because it's not something I'm ashamed of. There have been men in my life who for some reason I chose to not talk about it, but i'd say it's more a matter of realizing with that particular man it would not be something he'd react well to.
> 
> I think the concept of "honesty" is a bit...I dunno...flexible. Like I don't think it's necessary to tell everyone everything about yourself. Maintaining privacy is not always a bad thing.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your reply. I always wondered how it would be for feeders to bring up their preference to a partner and thought it must be a LOT worse than just having to say you prefer fat people and i know some people have a hard time doing that. 
See, i think its quite an intimate fetish and it might not be appropriate to bring up on say a first date but then i guess that gives you a moral dilema about when to bring it up because maby waiting till someone was in love with you or had strong feelings for you might be unfair. (Sorry lmao.. i was trying to imagine what it must be like.. and first imagined a wife coming home to her burly husband dressed as a woman and i was trying to think of the feeder alternative.. and all i could come up with was a wife coming home to her husband trying to hide a feeding machine!  *I have a strange brain*)
I guess what you said though about it not being that common, though may mean that you would be forced to meet like minded people in a particular place that would know your fetish anyway.. does that tend to be the way it works?
Do you ever feel/have you ever felt that a partner is playing along to please you? If so would that be the end of a relationship? 
I was wondering about the diservice thing. I think that there are a lot of wg fetishists that actually make things worse for feeders.. that i imagine the majority of you are reading post number 2 from 'luvsfeddingupfatties' about fedding machines and wincing..
so do you just distance yourself from people like that or try to (as a lot of fas have with the newbs) embrace them into the community but try to get them to not be so boorish??


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## mergirl (Nov 23, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> Also I don't see being a feeder the same as being a CPA or a Southern Baptist. I wouldn't announce being a feeder/feedee to a new person any more than I would tell them I like to take it in the butt. Not unless I feel that they need to be in to it too in order for me to be involved with them. When the time is appropriate I will mention it and all the other stuff I'm in to too but not a second before. I don't think I'm doing a disservice to anyone by being that way.


See, thats what i was wondering about. We posted at the same time there but i was saying it seems like a bit of an intimate fantasy to come right out with on a first date though to NOT tell someone might be seen as 'manipulation' (i dont think this though i have heard people say it) or leading people on. Where is the point of saying? I can see why people dont, though with me that wouldn't feel right i imagine. Though i can't know for sure because i have never had wg fantasies (for another person who wasn't me).


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## LoveBHMS (Nov 23, 2009)

> Thanks for your reply. I always wondered how it would be for feeders to bring up their preference to a partner and thought it must be a LOT worse than just having to say you prefer fat people and i know some people have a hard time doing that.
> See, i think its quite an intimate fetish and it might not be appropriate to bring up on say a first date but then i guess that gives you a moral dilema about when to bring it up because maby waiting till someone was in love with you or had strong feelings for you might be unfair.



Well pretty much all fetishes are intimate, right? I mean i'd say it's more likely just not as common or not as talked about as feet or golden showers or bondage.

I'd also say there's an element of how important it is to you that your partner be into it. As I said before, for some people it's necessary and for others it's not. 

I think you also have to remember there is a difference between feeding and erotic weight gain. Some people enjoy the process of feeding/stuffing a partner or of being fed/stuffed/bloated/inflated but not necessarily with weight gain being part of it. Sometimes it is and the purpose of the feeding is to lead to weight gain, and sometimes it's the act itself. As i said on another thread, some people just get off on the actual physical feeling of being stuffed and will even just drink a lot of water to get that feeling and it has nothing to do with weight gain.

Others get off specifically on the gaining, or on having a partner get bigger so that component is necessary. You'll read about several women on this board who call themselves "single feedees" or just gainers, and they tend to more get off on the gaining and wanting to be as large as possible. That is more what i'd call erotic weight gain than feeding.




> I think that there are a lot of wg fetishists that actually make things worse for feeders.. that i imagine the majority of you are reading post number 2 from 'luvsfeddingupfatties' about fedding machines and wincing..
> so do you just distance yourself from people like that or try to (as a lot of fas have with the newbs) embrace them into the community but try to get them to not be so boorish??



How people behave on the interent is always going to vary. there are plenty of people who just communicate in an honest and concise manner, and some who just come across as weird. They may or may not be that way in real life but I don't consider it my responsibility to teach them how to do it properly.



> I guess what you said though about it not being that common, though may mean that you would be forced to meet like minded people in a particular place that would know your fetish anyway.. does that tend to be the way it works?



Yes.


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## LillyBBBW (Nov 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> See, thats what i was wondering about. We posted at the same time there but i was saying it seems like a bit of an intimate fantasy to come right out with on a first date though to NOT tell someone might be seen as 'manipulation' (i dont think this though i have heard people say it) or leading people on. Where is the point of saying? I can see why people dont, though with me that wouldn't feel right i imagine. Though i can't know for sure because i have never had wg fantasies (for another person who wasn't me).



I used to be in to full disclosure up front and all that but it turns out to be a very bad idea. People roll around on the ground about feederism so much that I thought I may as well be up front and get it out of the way so that my time won't be wasted. This has turned out to be the worst idea ever. Generally if you meet someone and introduce sexual talk at the onstart it's the kiss of death. He could be a nice interesting guy and we may have a lot in common but I'll never know it now.  I'm fairly open minded so the sexual talk doesn't bother me of itself, I just don't think those things should be introduced before getting to know someone first... unless of course someone has dealbreaker preferences. It's up to them to bring it up though.


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## mergirl (Nov 23, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> I think you also have to remember there is a difference between feeding and erotic weight gain. Some people enjoy the process of feeding/stuffing a partner or of being fed/stuffed/bloated/inflated but not necessarily with weight gain being part of it. Sometimes it is and the purpose of the feeding is to lead to weight gain, and sometimes it's the act itself. As i said on another thread, some people just get off on the actual physical feeling of being stuffed and will even just drink a lot of water to get that feeling and it has nothing to do with weight gain.


See, this is where i get confused. Isn't someone who thinks its hot to feed a partner, without weight gain a food fetishist?. 
I think a lot of people are confusing 'feeder' with wg fetishist.. actually even wg fetishists! 
So the term 'feeder' by itself is only about the actual feeding of people and not the gain?. Actually, if we are talking about symantix then i guess that makes sense.. i just thought it was assumed that 'feeder' was a generic term for people who are into fattening people up. Or is that just in the movies?? lol


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## mergirl (Nov 23, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> I used to be in to full disclosure up front and all that but it turns out to be a very bad idea. People roll around on the ground about feederism so much that I thought I may as well be up front and get it out of the way so that my time won't be wasted. This has turned out to be the worst idea ever. Generally if you meet someone and introduce sexual talk at the onstart it's the kiss of death. He could be a nice interesting guy and we may have a lot in common but I'll never know it now.  I'm fairly open minded so the sexual talk doesn't bother me of itself, I just don't think those things should be introduced before getting to know someone first... unless of course someone has dealbreaker preferences. It's up to them to bring it up though.


I hope my gf doesnt read this but she probs will! ..Yeeeeeeeeeaars (i mean yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaars) ago i went home with someone who said right out before we were about to sleep together "ok.. i like it up the arse and getting spanked" -Now thats not generally what i am into but i loved that they were upfront and honest about things. I think when you are it is the most fun. Obviously unless something utterly disgusts you of course. I have wondered what i would be like if was dating a partner who was a feeder. I would like to think i am sexually pretty open minded and i think as long as my limits were respected (i think then it would have to be based more around fantasy.. eventually) If someone was my soul mate i dont think i would kick them out of bed for farting or for having most fetishes. 
Ahhh another question occurs...
Would you be satisfied with fantasy play? (ie if someone only wanted to gain a certain amount would the fantasy of gaining work or would it have to be the real thing) Hmm already i can hear.. "Everyone is different"., lmao.. but how does everyone personally feel?
(Sorry..i have a bad habit of answering people then going off on a tangent)


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## LoveBHMS (Nov 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> See, this is where i get confused. Isn't someone who thinks its hot to feed a partner, without weight gain a food fetishist?.
> I think a lot of people are confusing 'feeder' with wg fetishist.. actually even wg fetishists!
> So the term 'feeder' by itself is only about the actual feeding of people and not the gain?. Actually, if we are talking about symantix then i guess that makes sense.. i just thought it was assumed that 'feeder' was a generic term for people who are into fattening people up. Or is that just in the movies?? lol



There are like a million nuances to it. I couldn't possibly go into all of them. You might or might not care about weight gain. You might just want a partner to BE fatter without getting into the process, or you might really get off on the process (buying food, encouraging them to eat, hand feeding, etc.) but not really care if they got bigger or not. Some people just want to be really fat and see the eating as a means to the end, but the actual eating is not that important or they really don't care what they eat so long as they gain weight.

if you look at something like tube feeding or funnel feeding, the person is likely not even tasting what they're consuming. Compare that with a person indulging in a fast food binge or eating a pizza or gallons of ice cream, they're probably enjoying it.

You might also just like watching your partner get bigger over time but not care how it happens, or you might NEED to be the catalyst.


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## LillyBBBW (Nov 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I hope my gf doesnt read this but she probs will! ..Yeeeeeeeeeaars (i mean yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaars) ago i went home with someone who said right out before we were about to sleep together "ok.. i like it up the arse and getting spanked" -Now thats not generally what i am into but i loved that they were upfront and honest about things. I think when you are it is the most fun. Obviously unless something utterly disgusts you of course. I have wondered what i would be like if was dating a partner who was a feeder. I would like to think i am sexually pretty open minded and i think as long as my limits were respected (i think then it would have to be based more around fantasy.. eventually) If someone was my soul mate i dont think i would kick them out of bed for farting or for having most fetishes.
> Ahhh another question occurs...
> Would you be satisfied with fantasy play? (ie if someone only wanted to gain a certain amount would the fantasy of gaining work or would it have to be the real thing) Hmm already i can hear.. "Everyone is different"., lmao.. but how does everyone personally feel?
> (Sorry..i have a bad habit of answering people then going off on a tangent)



Yeah but that was completely appropriate though. I mean if you're going to crawl in the sack with someone then yes, say what you like. But a conversation with me should not go like:

*HIM:* Wow, you are really cute.
*ME:* *giggle* Thank you. 
*HIM:* Would you like to have dinner with me?
*ME:* I would love to but you should know, I prefer it up the ass and I'm allergic to latex.

That is really unsexy. At least for the types of guys I like and turning off the guys I like would be a total downer. Hopefully we will get to know each other first which will eventually lead to a discussion along those lines but not up front.

I would be satisfied with only fantasy play but that's me personally. At times I can be REALLY in the mood for some sexy talk about it and if my partner is not in to it there can be an angsty feeling about it. I'm not looking at him like day old lettuce that's been sitting out though, it's all still quite good.


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## mergirl (Nov 23, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> There are like a million nuances to it. I couldn't possibly go into all of them. You might or might not care about weight gain. You might just want a partner to BE fatter without getting into the process, or you might really get off on the process (buying food, encouraging them to eat, hand feeding, etc.) but not really care if they got bigger or not. Some people just want to be really fat and see the eating as a means to the end, but the actual eating is not that important or they really don't care what they eat so long as they gain weight.
> 
> if you look at something like tube feeding or funnel feeding, the person is likely not even tasting what they're consuming. Compare that with a person indulging in a fast food binge or eating a pizza or gallons of ice cream, they're probably enjoying it.
> 
> You might also just like watching your partner get bigger over time but not care how it happens, or you might NEED to be the catalyst.


Yeah, it seems complicated. I guess 'feeder' has become like an umbrella term i guess. I can take on board most of the things you describe except the tube feeding thing. Though that is because i have a fear of choking, so this would be my worst nightmare. Actually the film feed (maby as good for feeders as 'birth of a nation' was for black people) gave me a panic attack for that very reason!!


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## superodalisque (Nov 23, 2009)

this is an awesome thread with awesome responses! hopefully it will go a long way in cutting down on how feeders/feedees are demonized for participating. people often let thier imaginations run away with them when it comes to feederism. they have visions of people having the goal of killing others or having the goal of allowing themselves to be killed. i'm really glad this is here and really grateful for the honest responses. its not my thing because it can have a control component on both sides that does not interest me, but only like something such as S&M wouldn't interest me as well. but having said that i'm always happy to see people speaking for themselves and brushing away some crazy prejudices that people use to try and take their humanity away.


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## mergirl (Nov 23, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> this is an awesome thread with awesome responses! hopefully it will go a long way in cutting down on how feeders/feedees are demonized for participating. people often let thier imaginations run away with them when it comes to feederism. they have visions of people having the goal of killing others or having the goal of allowing themselves to be killed. i'm really glad this is here and really grateful for the honest responses. its not my thing because it can have a control component on both sides that does not interest me, but only like something such as S&M wouldn't interest me as well. but having said that i'm always happy to see people speaking for themselves and brushing away some crazy prejudices that people use to try and take their humanity away.


To be honest, i saw the way loves replied to me when i talked about women having a space to discuss weightloss in a fatcentric space and i respected her for taking the time to think about what i was saying without being reactionary. If she can take on board (and question) something which some might see as diametrically opposed to her sexuality then i don't see why people can't make an effort to listen to what she has to say. I decided to lay my weapons down for a second too. Though i was never actually against feeders/wg fetishists i think its good to try to understand people a bit better, especially if they are living right next door to you... i think this thread is perfect to, in a non hostile way, to question things you might not understand about feedism/wg fetish. 
I think there is so much acrimony through misundertanding it is rediculous.. better to be up front and face any demons you might have in the open, lest they fester and create a little demon hellmouth in your belly! lol


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## LoveBHMS (Nov 23, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Yeah, it seems complicated. I guess 'feeder' has become like an umbrella term i guess. I can take on board most of the things you describe except the tube feeding thing. Though that is because i have a fear of choking, so this would be my worst nightmare. Actually the film feed (maby as good for feeders as 'birth of a nation' was for black people) gave me a panic attack for that very reason!!



I never bothered seeing the movie because I heard it "really sucked" from my fetish partner and I trust him on this stuff. I don't know if I have particularly nice friends or what, but one of my friends who knows I'm into this stuff said "I saw that movie Feed but I'm sure actually practicing it is nothing like the movie." and I said "I didn't see it but from what i've read, you're right."

It's an umbrella term if you don't take the time to understand it, the way you are. I'm sure if you don't have a particular fetish, you won't understand all the nuances. For instance with foot fetishes some people are really into looking at or touching really nicely pedicured feet and some are into 'problem' feet...I've seen fetish sites where people like ballet dancers who have blisters and corns and all sorts of deformities post pictures and some people get off on that. Other foot fetishists are into being touched by somebody's feet or sexually stimulated by a foot. And those all fall under the umbrella of "foot fetish" while being many different things.

You can even take something as vanilla as men who like huge breasts and you'll get men who like the natural look, men who like what could be considered freakishly large implants like a 60FFF and men who like women to be super skinny with disproportionately large boobs. Again, nuance where simply saying "I like a big rack" can mean a number of different things.


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## thatgirl08 (Nov 24, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I have a couple of questions:
> Are you always honest about being a feeder from the outset of a relationship? Do you think that people who are not honest about their sexuality are doing feeders who are honest a diservice somehow?
> Also, why do you think that there are so many posts pertaining to feedism by a lot of people who have only a few posts? I have always wondered this and used to think it was sock puppeting but then realised it might just be that some people only want to talk about certain things.. what do you think?
> x



I'm not a feeder, but as a feedee, I've never brought up feederism to someone that I didn't meet on Dims or FF. It's easier to bring it up on Dims, even if that person probably isn't into it, because generally they've heard of it and are fairly understanding of it. None of my previous relationships with non-FA's ever got to the point where we were having sex.. they were never serious enough that I felt it necessarily to bring it u. If I ever dated a non-FA again, which I honestly doubt I will, I'd wait until the relationship got serious before explaining the fetish because I think at that point, someone would already be invested in you as a person and would therefore be more open and understanding of something outside the norm. To put it bluntly, I wouldn't tell them in the beginning because I wouldn't want to scare them off! I don't think that people who aren't honest have any reflection on those who are. I understand why many, if not most, feeders and feedees who are dating non-community people would want to keep it a secret. It's not "normal." I honestly can't imagine being an FA, dating a thin girl, and trying to explain feederism to her. 

I think the reason so many posts about feederism are made by those with low post counts because they only come here to jag. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily.. to be frank, I use FF mainly to jag.. I'm not part of their community at all. It's more about trying to be respectful of the fact that not everyone is there to jag.. so you have to be more careful about requests and comments and that sort of thing. It's that lack of posting etiquette, and not the fact that they come here to masturbate only, that makes me upset. For the record, I'm only talking about comments & requests made OUTSIDE the weight board as I don't think any feederism or wg comment on the weight board should be censored since that's the place where you're supposed to be able to say that sort of thing without being reprimanded. Also, I think there are a lot of people that don't want to put any personal information out about themselves if they are going to be discussing fetishes. 



mergirl said:


> Would you be satisfied with fantasy play? (ie if someone only wanted to gain a certain amount would the fantasy of gaining work or would it have to be the real thing) Hmm already i can hear.. "Everyone is different"., lmao.. but how does everyone personally feel?
> (Sorry..i have a bad habit of answering people then going off on a tangent)



Yes. Generally, the fetish is fantasy for me (although there has been more of it in "real life" for me recently because my boyfriend is a feeder), and that's satisfying for me when I'm able to share the fantasy with a partner. If I'm fantasizing alone (only) then it's not nearly as satisfying.



mergirl said:


> Yeah, it seems complicated. I guess 'feeder' has become like an umbrella term i guess.



I personally look at feeder as an umbrella term because there are so many types and levels of feederism/wg and also plenty of subfetishes that are related to it.


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## geekybibabe (Nov 25, 2009)

I'm one of those low post count people, and it's because I don't have much to say. As someone suggested, I'm not ok sharing a lot of personal information, and I don't hang out in the lounge.

I have participated here in one way or another for over a decade; I even have some writings in the old stories area. So even though my post count is tiny, it's not like I'm a newcomer.

To respond to the original questions, I'm both a feedee and a feeder. Sadly, I've never had a partner who shared my interests, though I have had the good fortune to be with some stunningly fat partners. 

I do worry about health issues- right now I'm at a personal high point, and I am feeling that it would be good for me to lose about 50 pounds. Which, from a sensual viewpoint, I really don't want to do. I'm not sure what will happen there. I can't imagine such a decision ever being anything but my own, though.

I don't think there's anything wrong with not being totally emotionally naked with your partners. I've been happily married for years to a man who has fantasies I'm not involved with, and he certainly doesn't expect differently from me. We have an open relationship, and he doesn't imagine that my sexual relationships with other people are exactly like my relationship with him!


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