# What is your SA (size acceptance) history?



## saucywench (Nov 21, 2005)

I thought it would be a good idea to start this thread to learn how we all (OK, those of you who bother to respond) came to this particular community. I've heard many responses from FAs over the years, both on the old boards and in chat, of how they came to realize they were an FA, but I'd like a little more info here. I'd like to hear from both men and women of the background of your awareness of size acceptance, how that brought you to seek out venues such as this, the level of your involvement in SA, and the impact it has made upon your lives.

11/25/2005
_Note: I returned last night to respond to my own post, finally. I had composed a rather lengthy, comprehensive, and more eloquent response but, when it was time to preview changes, discovered that I had lost my cable connection and, consequently, everything I had written--major bummer. Nonetheless, I have tried to recompose in essence those same thoughts below._


I got my first home pc in 1995, although it wasn't until a few months after my father died in 1999 that I explored the online world in serious fashion. At the time, however, I sought out venues different from this. I was almost entirely ignorant of the size acceptance community, even though I considered myself an intelligent person, and had been fat all of my life. I knew of NAAFA through magazine articles and some television spots, but in my ignorance and self-loathing I didn't consider myself a candidate for "that type of thing." After spending a few days visiting this other site, I met a man who in time professed to liking fat women, which was quite a novel concept to me. Until this time I had seen the term BBW infrequently at this particular site, but had no idea what the term meant. He proved to be of enough interest to me that I, without judging, listened as he later told me of his secret desire to "grow women." He told me of a chat room called Bulge that he liked to frequent, but it was many months before I bothered to investigate.

Bulge Chat was a room created by kelligrl and was part of the BeSeen network of chatrooms. When I first created my chat name for the room (which, as an aside, happens to be the one I still use), I was visually and psychologically jarred to see women, most even fatter than myself, displaying their (sometimes scantily clad) bodies on the sidebar with impunity. I tell you that it was difficult for me to witness, certainly not to shame or humiliate anyone, but (on the off chance that no one can relate to my feelings) to express how difficult it was to get my mind around the concept that any fat woman would feel at ease in displaying her image in such a manner (let alone to a mixed group of women and men.) 

I lurked invisibly for a couple of weeks while my mind accepted this new paradigm. During that time, I noticed how much fun these men and women had interacting with one another. I found myself wanting to join in, to be a part of the fun, so I took tentative steps to interact with them. Thus began my journey into the world of size acceptance.

I can't explain why I chose to remain in Bulge chat, even though in time I learned that there was a BeSeen room geared to more "mainstream" BBWs and FAs. I had already established friendships in Bulge and, even though the topic of gaining wasn't really up my alley, I guess I was learning what I needed to learn there. In time (a period of a couple of years or so) I did migrate over to the general topic chat room, where I remained almost exclusively until BeSeen's demise in August/September of 2002. During that time I also learned of the Dimensions boards, where I eagerly read virtually every post, to gain a greater understanding of the community of which I had _de facto_ become a part.

I don't consider myself an activist for size acceptance in the sense that I don a pink tutu and prance around at weight loss surgery informational meetings, but I do know that I will NEVER again allow another human being (mostly strangers--how incredibly rude, offensive, and ill-mannered!) to attempt to (a) humiliate/degrade/belittle myself or another fat person in my presence or (b) bolster their low self-esteem because of their OWN inadequacies, without putting them in their place/giving them a taste of their own medicine/providing a crash course in tolerance. I know that my responses would vary based either on my general mood at the time or my perception of their level of mental ability to "get it."

I would like to thank everyone who has responded. I appreciate the time you took, and, not to appear ungrateful, ask that you review my questions again. I myself may not have answered them all completely, and will likely edit this post to add more thoughts as they come to mind. I hope that the answers you have provided help others along the road to size acceptance, whether it be from a personal perspective or tolerance for any who don't fit society's artificial and narrowly-defined stereotypes of what is and is not "acceptable."
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11/25/05 10:15am

I knew I'd left out a relevant part that I had mentioned in the original self-reply that I lost. (Damn, that had been a really thorough post, and I'm still mad as hell that I lost it.) In the self-loathing category I mentioned that, at 28, I made the decision to undergo WLS. I know WLS is not normally mentioned on the Main Board, but it is an essential component of my story. I am not inviting a flame war by the telling of this, I just want to relate it as part of my response. If Conrad feels it best, I will cut this part of my post and place it in the WLS forum.

I want to stress how important it is to have that mind/body connection and, contrary to the opinions of so-called experts out there, it is not neccesary to be thin to achieve that. But, at 28, I had no mind/body connection at all, was depressed about myself, and thought that WLS was my own personal salvation toward that end. I "qualified" for the surgery as being morbidly obese enough at 220 pounds (!!!!). I gained 8 more pounds prior to the surgery because I was convinced that I would never be able to "eat that way" again. Over a period of about a year and a half I got down to what was my lowest post-surgical weight--around 165. During and up to that time, I still had no concept of my body--although I could see and feel the changes it was undergoing, I still thought of myself as fat, and acted/reacted accordingly. I think that, in a sense, perhaps this is what many anorexics must experience--I certainly couldn't say for sure.

Over time, of course, as I had the procedure performed for completely wrong reasons, the weight began to creep back. I recall sitting (OK, so I was on the toilet) and noticing that my belly had begun to settle onto my lap once again. I had regained about 15 pounds at the time, and I recall a feeling of resignation, in the sense that I didn't care to do anything about it then and there to prevent even more weight returning. I tell this part, certainly not to provoke titillation among the gaining crowd in our midst, but perhaps as a way to explain that this may have been the beginning of coming to some sort of self-realization that maybe I was naturally inclined to be fat. This was about 20 years ago, so you have to realize that, still, I was a long way toward self-acceptance as far as my size was concerned--nonetheless, that seed may have been planted around that time.

I have since gained all of that weight back, and then some, but what is relevant to my post regarding this is that I am much happier with myself now than I was back then. Part of this is due simply to the maturity and wisdom that comes with aging, but a large part is due to the things I learned about myself as a result of being part of this community, and I owe a great deal, whether directly or indirectly, to those of you who have helped me along the way. Again, I thank you.
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## Mariah (Nov 21, 2005)

This post is long, so take your time or skip it, I just had to jump at this phenomenal opportunity to combine loads of different (some existing, some potential) threads all in one.

My size acceptance history, or past or whatever I should call it has evolved in many steps and always in lurches. At ages 1  4 I actually was a rather small kid. Not bony in any way, just skinny, then it started changing due to whatever reason, but after that I can't ever recall being one of the smaller kids. 
Trying to remember whether I had issues about it or not I can't say. I was always shy and self conscious about my body, but that didn't have as much to do with my size  I think  as it did on my hair colour. My copper red hair is like one in 500 people here in Finland, if even that so it was a great source of amusement for my peers. Furthermore I had gone to a different kindergarten than everybody else, they knew each other from before, were used to speaking Swedish (which is my mother tongue, and that of a minority of about 6 % in Finland) whereas I was used to speaking Finnish everywhere except at home. So I was always the outsider. I had pals, but not real friends the way I do today, and fortunately for my brittle ego I was not eccentric enough to become the big target. There was at least one odder bird at my school than me, so I was pretty much left alone, but solitude was a prison in it's own way too, and I think it has coloured much of my life up until these last years.

I'm trying to remember if I've ever gotten any sh*t because I was bigger than others but I can't recall anything. Maybe I wasn't big enough for that Or maybe I was too shy to be fun to make fun of. Or too bilingual or too red headed to tease about my size. You take your pick, but life moved on the odd way it has a tendency to move a child towards the horrid teenage, where things usually start taking a specific course.

This should be a post about a BBW coming to terms with herself and finding herself and all that. But it isn't. This is more like a post by a FA thinking she's not big enough to be a BBW. Or then I'm just too lonely sizewise. In my minds eye BBW:s never are alone, they've got too much of a community thing going on, and I'm too shy for that so I'll remain a curvy FA.

Onwards: I shall at latter in this paragraph say something about first time I fell in love but I'll have to start with some background first (yes again). In Finland, we have this thing called confirmation camp (many people ask about it, so here's an explanation). It's something we go to at the age of 14 or 15, where we are supposed to learn about the church and the Bible and all that stuff school already should have taken care of. Afterwards we are supposed to have our confirmations where we in front of the whole congregation (read relatives and guests) for the first time participate in the holy communion and answer some questions and "confirm" we want to be part of the church all that. It makes Finland sound more religious than it is. It's actually sad how secularist we've become, but that's a whole other topic.
So when I was at this camp, I met someone whom I never shall forget. She was one of the leaders there. She was big, she was beautiful she was like some sort of dream I've always waited to have and now had finally seen it. She was witty, she was fun, she was:wubu: 
...a woman. Yes, things should never be too easy. I never reflected over her size. I was so confused about being in love with a woman that there was little time for reflection about her size which was way beyond something you'd get to see on TV. Well that went on for a year or two, it was a thing from a distance I'll never forget though, because she was the first, and in falling for her I could, if I was any smarter, have realised something about my preferences other than which side I was batting for, but no one is perfect.

At that time, I was 15, and from there onwards the people I have fallen in love with have been larger than average, but no one as big as that first love. But BBW:s aren't all that common over here. Myself, I was constantly trying to lose weight, and actually miraculously managed to keep myself under 170. I was never happy with myself though. Never.

Years went by, and finally I realised I like big girls (it's a visual thing  otherwise I like BHM:s or skinny people equally much, women are after all the more beautiful sex, and BBW:s the most beautiful people). And this realization I got actually at a forum for Sid Meier's Civilization games. It was on the "Off topic forum" in a thread where this teen guys posted pix of something they seemed to think were hot girls. And then there was this one guy who always posted pictures of bigger women. Not that big, but I did admire his persistence, because no one understood him, or if someone did, they did not dare write it there. This was when I was around 22. And at that point I started surfing, and I surfed a lot. Eventually I found "Feeders in Black" (a UK-based feeder site). Feederism didn't quite seem to describe what I was looking for, after all I could not realise what was the point with feeding someone up. From my point of view it seemed like hard work, and wouldn't it be easier to find someone who already was big. And it seemed a bit too hard core, but to each our own. The good thing about that place was that I found a link there. In fact it was a link to a feeder chat - the HTML chat that at the time being is out of order, but where I willingly admit having spent hours, whether I'm a feeder/feedee or not. (I miss you people). And that's about it. 

These last years I've been ill and quite inexplicably (I've had to leave almost all goodies, and goodies are always the only sound explanation for weight gain) I've managed to gain more than 75 lbs during the last 2,5 years which is pretty much considering my initial weight. I would like to know why, as there is no obvious reason for it. But at the end of the day, I'm very happy being a curvy girl and that is pretty much completely thanks to this place and the people you can see around Dimensions different parts. I'm still shy, but the self-conscious part of me is almost completely conquered. So to end this over-long post I just want to thank you for being such great people. And then I'll be off lurking again.


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## LillyBBBW (Nov 21, 2005)

I discovered I was fat at an early age. I think it was my grandfather who pointed it out when I was barely two, hence he began to call me "chunky" as a term of endearence before I even know what it meant. I've since made it clear to my parents that if I ever were to have a child and either one of them gave colorful references to their weight or the lack thereof I would personally see them both into a nursing home.

It wasn't until my mid twenties when I finally decided to embrace fat acceptance. I got tired of being miserable. I contacted NAAFA and sought out others of likemind and this is what made me into the demented creature you see before you. :bow:


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## Gspoon (Nov 21, 2005)

Uh, about puberty is when it really hit me. 

But before puberty, i had always been taught by the media "Look at this skinny girl, she is so fine". But i always thought to myself "Ok, she looks good...but i think she is missing something

Puberty taught me what they were missing


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## Carrie (Nov 21, 2005)

This has been a long, hard journey for me, accepting and even loving this body of mine. I'm no different from most fat women - have been battling it since I was 12 years old, I loathed myself for many years, was depressed for a very long time because of it. It was such a major issue between my dad and I (who once called me "disgusting" and offered me $1000 to lose weight) that we've only just begun to heal the rift between us that's existed for 20 years.

All this over some extra flesh. It's mind-boggling, really.

Things changed for me over this past summer. Two things happened: 1). I stopped eating compulsively. Long story on how I accomplished that, but I did. I stopped eating compulsively, and I didn't lose a single ounce. That was a huge wake-up call for me. I thought about that, and about the fact that every female in my fricking family and extended family is significantly overweight, and it occurred to me that maybe I'm just supposed to be fat. This is just how my body is engineered. And once I started thinking about that, it just felt....right. I started thinking about the countless things I'd always told myself I would do after I'd lost weight - I'd been saying those things for over 20 years - and I became very angry with myself for all the time I've wasted. I vowed not to waste any more time in my life waiting to be thin, because it's just not in the cards.

That was stage 1 - acceptance.

Stage 2 was taking the next step and not just accepting my body, but learning to actually love it, and to feel desirable and sexy in my own skin. I started looking at myself in the mirror differently - instead of seeing the faults that have always haunted me, I concentrated on the good things. Pretty face, great hair, nice chest, etc. I did everything I could to feel attractive every day - kept my nails painted sassy shades of red, put on makeup every morning (even though I work from home) experimented with different hairstyles, etc. The little feminine things that are so inherently...feminine.

I also gave away most of my clothes and started over with my wardrobe. I was so used to wearing huge, tenty garments like oversized tee-shirts, and one day I saw myself in the mirror and thought, "Who are you trying to kid, Carrie?? Do you honestly think someone's going to see you in that shirt and have trouble figuring out whether you're fat or not?" I had a good laugh at my silliness and vowed to only wear clothes that flatter the good parts of my figure. I actually ordered a skirt a month ago, and when it arrived I was disappointed because it wasn't short enough. This from the girl who wouldn't wear shorts in public as recently as this past June!


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## BBW Betty (Nov 21, 2005)

to fat acceptance, especially of myself. My mom had me on diets beginning when I was in the sixth grade. About that time, too, the boys started teasing me about my weight. From grades 6 to 8, my weight ranged from 150 to 180 pounds, and I weighed 220 when I graduated high school.

From the start, I was one of the heavier kids, but it didn't really register socially until junior high. I still had some good friends, but that's the age when we become aware of social and popularity strata. I wasn't AT the bottom, but I was the target of more and more jokes. The boys made sarcastic comments--the tone of voice made words like "voluptuous" a real insult. That plus, having "developed" early...well, it wasn't easy. One boy in my class would stand up in the back of the school bus and yell, "More than a mouthful (or handful) is a waste." ( I was 13) It wasn't until a couple years later, when I began reading romance novels, that I knew what he even meant. I was a little naive, which I think actually helped me through some of this.

I was fairly well able to just be myself. I did well enough academically, and kept myself busy babysitting and with farm work to isolate from it, but I still knew I wasn't really welcome in certain groups. I cried myself to sleep some nights, or got lost in books. That helped me focus on something else.

In high school, I pretty much kept with my small group of friends, and excelled in most of my classes. I got along well with almost everyone, as long as I stayed under the radar for most things. And that meant never dating in high school.

This carried over into college. I made some good friends, but no guys were interested in me at all. The toughest thing was the loneliness because--and I had come to believe this--I was just plain fat and therefore unattractive. 

After college, I tried for six years to be hired by school districts around the state. I had a great resume, and would get interviews, but always a no-go after the interview. My mother would tell me to, "Lose that weight, get a job and get a man." ( With no job, I was still living at home and helping on the farm, along with substitute teaching.) That was probably the toughest time of my life. *I really felt that there was no future for me at all*.

Then, miracle of miracles, I was hired to to teach in a residential treatment center. I got involved in the community and church activities in my new town, and made friends, but still no dating. Luckily, I was able to not tie my sense of self-worth to having a boyfriend because of these other things in my life. Without those outlets, I very probably would have become depressed.

I met my husband through a dating service when I was 31. He opened up a whole new world for me, and introduced me to sites like Dimensions. I discovered this amazing place where it was not shameful to be large. For health reasons--arthritis in some of my joints--I would like to weigh less, but don't feel that shame anymore, and it is wonderful. I still have people look at me funny in public, but I have to let it be their problem. To quote John Candy's line in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, "I like me." If we can all say that, we're in a good place.

Sorry this got so long, but it's hard to sort through the memories sometimes even today, and identify the emotions that were a long time ago.


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## Zandoz (Nov 21, 2005)

For me, I do not know that there was one great epiphany. 

Personally I've be big since grade school..and so were several family members. To me it was just how some folks were...just like folks having different hair colors and other physical traits. I think I was lucky in my grade school years in that I never really had the nasty teasing that so many have to put up with...yes there was some ribbing, but for the most part it was good natured and not hurtful. By the time I got into high school and beyond, I'd already come to the realization that everyone is entitled to their opinions (on this and most other issues), no matter how wrong. For the most part I just accepted folks preferences, and ignored the ones who were idiots about theirs.

The first time I discovered that there was some kind of movement (for lack of better terms) for size acceptance was when I got online. One day I was in geographic theme chat, and someone started talking obnoxiously about a BBW room they'd encountered. I had no idea what BBW stood for and asked someone. When they told me I was off to what this was all about. What I discovered was a bunch of friendly people...and it felt like home.


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## MissToodles (Nov 21, 2005)

I remember when I was young and looking at BBW magazine in its heyday about 20 years ago.

In more recent years, 1999, my sister bought the book Fat!So? I giggled at the title (I was 18). I read the book and even though it takes a light hearted approach to the subject matter and the combination of fun & activism really struck a chord with me. I saw the light and really got into loving myself or at least trying no matter what size I may be. I also got to meet Marylin and she is just as awesome as she appears. 

I also went through the "I'm sexy" faze, but that grew old. I try to incorporate size acceptance thought into my daily routine as it is a tough world out there. Also hanging out with like minded people helped me to grow, people who don't judge and who believe in the same ideals.


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## Zoom (Nov 21, 2005)

I wasn't aware of external SA at all during the 1970's and 1980's. Even I used to poke fun of fat people despite being turned on by the female ones. It was a living nightmare.

When I saw Geraldo's talk show titled "Turned On by Fat" I still thought it was some sort of mental aberration to be an FA. But it got me thinking, and within a couple of years I had done a 180° and was all over the idea of size acceptance.

Still, who was out there to fight in my corner? Nobody! Never heard of Dimensions magazine until a later episode of Geraldo, and I thought it was strange that it wasn't on grocery store shelves. Didn't even think of NAAFA as a really viable, potent political group (and look at their results since then; they haven't made much progress, have they?).

Today I still believe that, even though one may be accepting of another's size, everyone else in the vicinity will not be*. It still, for the most part, holds true. I don't believe there will be a major change so long as the phantom correlation of nonhealth sticks to the glue of gluttony.

*This does not include FA/BBW gatherings and parties, of course, which I do not attend anyway.


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## Egbert Souse (Nov 21, 2005)

I'll never forget it.

I was laying on the bed one sunday evening in February with a fire in the fireplace, sipping brandy and reading the sunday paper with my first wife, circa 1978.
She said, "You need to check THIS out" and handed me the "People" section.

On the front page there was an AP article with some grainy, sunday-paper-quality pictures of some remarkably fat ladies reamarkably dressed up. It was an account of a NAAFA dance in New York and opened with the line, "Necklines plunged...." and went on to describe how the biggest women were the most in demand. 

It was a lovely moment in my life.

It's funny the things that really stick in your mind sometimes.


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## Fuzzy (Nov 21, 2005)

Acceptance means "coming to terms with" for me. SA has always been Size Admiration for me. For years, I was thin stick boy. And looking back at the year book photos, and class pictures, the girls I had a crush on tended to be the ones with size. And I was completely oblivious to it. Until High School.

I distinctly remember a conversation, my junior year ('84), with a friend in the school quad and I commented about a certain girl as she walked by, and my friend turned to me with a surprised look on his face,  and said, "You like her?"

"Yeah, she's cool."
"But she's fat."
"Yeah..."

_But she never went out with me. I think she caught me talking to her breasts, but that's another story... _  

I gravitated to the fat-bottomed girls through-out high school and college. And married one too. Spent several good years together, but we fell apart. In my loneliness, I stumbled upon Dimensions.


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## Tina (Nov 22, 2005)

I grew up fat, and like most fat girls, I hated my fat. Wished it away and constantly wished to be thin, and imagined myself that way. During my teenage years, I would imagine which fat parts of my body I would chop off if I could. Some years ago I decided I was tired of hating my body and the way it felt to feel that self-hate and recrimination. So I determined I would try to change the way I felt. It was a process. The first step was to join NAAFA, and from NAAFA I found Dimensions Magazine, which was a revalation. From there I found this website.

During this time I was also drawing a few nude self-portraits. Part of my change was to actively look for physical beauty in myself, and not to deny it if I found it. I've long been an artist and I enjoy drawing the undraped figure, but had never drawn a truly fat woman, so it was a somewhat uncomfortable experience at first -- also because it can be a bit odd drawing oneself if one isn't used to it, and I ended up changing my face a bit. It was my first foray using my digital tablet, too, so they're not perfect by any means, but that wasn't the point. Concurrently, I was also doing some writing on the issue of fatness, self-perception, and my experiences. If you like, the articles are here, if you're interested, and the art is here, and here. Through doing these things, as well as doing a good deal of internal work, I came to a different place in my feelings about my body, which was quite a relief.

In May of 1999 Conrad asked me to pose for the print mag, and I did, kind of as the completion of the journey I'd been taking, and as a way to conquer a fear of the camera. Hundreds of pictures were taken -- a few of which have been manipulated and are here. The last area for me really was having my picture taken, as almost every picture I'd seen of myself I hated. So September of that year I was featured on the front page and inside the mag, and freaked a little at the thought that my face, and bod, was on the cover of a magazine that was being sold in Borders Bookstore.

Anyway, to make a long story a bit less long, I'm glad I did it all and don't regret a bit of it. It forever changed the way I view myself physically, for the better. And even though I have those days of self-doubts, I know that those are based upon childhood and a life of living as a social pariah in the eyes of many, and not because I am actually worthless. It can be difficult to erase those old internal tapes, and I have a day here or there of feeling crappy about myself, but all in all, I very much like who I am, and I like my body, big ass and all, matter of fact. I have lost some weight in the last year and a half, and will continue to lose some, probably to around 300 or a bit below, because I'm still trying to improve the mobility I had lost when I was 450. But I would honestly never want to be skinny, or even thin, and love that I'm very soft and curvy. 

I've posted these links a bit here and there throughout the years, and each time I've had women who were struggling with their own body issues (not just with fatness, but some with anorexia), write me to thank me. If it helps, it's all good, so I still do it -- hope you don't mind them.


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## Tad (Nov 22, 2005)

I think I had some degree of size acceptance going on from a young age, but it was not something I could have articulated. Perhaps it was because I'd been teased some for being chunky when I was in kindergarten, maybe it was some instinctive thing, but I felt a little protective of fat people. I was not someone who did much teasing of people, but I particularly and with some thought made sure not to say bad things about fat people, even ones I didn't like. For example starting in grade three I had a music teacher who was just an awful teacher, and also happened to be a SSBBW. A lot of kids made fun of her weight, calling her 'two-ton-Tannis,' joking that where the pavement in the teacher's parking lot was cracked must be where she parked her car, and so on. I thought she was a horrible teacher even before she told me to just mouth the words (without ever explaining to me what was wrong with my singing), but I'm absolutely positive that I never made fun of her weight, and I know that at least a couple of times pointed out that she was just a bad teacher, no matter what her size.

Of course, come puberty my awareness of size took on a whole different nature. After that it was far more of an aware decision. 

Despite which, I'm not sure if most people who knew me back then would have had any awareness of my size acceptance. I was never one to talk about what I thought and how that was different from what you thought. So unless someone was paying a lot of attention to what I didn't say or do, I don't know that they would have figured this out.

-Ed


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## Totmacher (Nov 22, 2005)

When I was in preschool and lacked the faculties to express my attraction I tormented the fat girls. When I was in kindergarten I was a little bit more civil and made a point to be nice larger kids even if they were ostracised or designated teasing targets. Later it was never an issue. Sure I was different. Ofcourse I'd see stuff on TV or read about it in the papers, but in my corner of the world there was need for an activist. I guess I've something to be thankfull for.


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## -X- (Nov 22, 2005)

( Long Post )

For me, it probably began at a very early age. By the time I was around 3-4 years, I had taken an interest in my 'larger sized' family along with cartoons which had large characters or characters who became fat during the show ( charlotte's web for example, the rat ). I remember sometimes, when no one was around, or awake, I'd head into the kitchen and try and drink a gallon of whole milk, of course I'd soon end it from drinking too fast and/or the fact that I filled up quickly. Then I could remember trying to drink cups and cups of water, thinking I'd put on 100lbs in a few seconds.

By the time I was in around 2nd grade, I had made a great friend, who was obviously about 100lbs heavier than I was. I remember thinking how 'cool' he was, even though he wasnt proud to be fat from his tormentors. Back then, I used to 'run' things, and helped him out by telling everyone to leave him be, ever since back then, he's held me in great appreciation, as well as his mother. I didnt think it was a big deal, and barely spoke to my mother about my friends and such, while he went home telling his mother everything. 

Every morning from the day I knew him, I'd eat a bowl of cereal at my house, then walk towards his house ( which was on the way to school ) and eat a full-course meal of panackes drenched in syrup, bacon, eggs, sausages, toast, bagels..... basically fod whichy I've never had the pleasure of eating daily as my friend did. Within time, I'd gain some weight as well, it being noticable to my family, the main problem I'd have though was my mother. As many of the females had problems with their moms, I as a male, had problems with my mother as well. It came to a point where I had more or less began to dodge her whenever I could, so when my grandparents wanted my brother and I to spend the summer with them, I happily oblidged. 

My grandmother used to make meals you'd think were for a large faimly on thanksgiving day, however it just be the four of us eating. My grandfather, who was at work most of the time, had gotten use to taking my brother and I out to eat. Whenever my brother had ordered a large meal ( he was four years older than me ) I'd order the same, I guess to show that I could eat as much as he could, just beacause I was the younger brother didnt mean that I was a 'weakling' or something like that. I believe thats where most of my initial weight had came from during that summer.

By the time I had hit the ages of about 12-15 or so, I could remember being confused and lost. I had more or less seen the many FA sites and such, and longed to be a 'gainer' or even find another person in school who had the same interest as I did, however would I find him or her ? I didnt know, but the internet was my relief. At about 15 years old, I had been probably about 250 or so pounds. I never really had a problem in school with peer pressure, or people name-calling me ( if I did I would have lost weight when my brother did FOR being teased, which I have told my parents repeatedly ), aside from the rare 'hey big-man' or something along the lines of that, which didnt bother me a bit.

The main drama didnt start until I had more or less began dating big girls instead of the usual 'thin-thick' girls. The ones I dated were used to being ridiculed daily, sometimes my efforts in telling people off worked, while sometimes it didnt, with the girl still just feeling like nothing more than a pig for getting so big. I could tell however, that by the end of our relationships ( usually ended because they either moved, or by their parents calling me saying they cant talk to boys  ) that they were happy and contented that they had met me. Many guys in the school, even though they may have been big themselves, they still teased the larger females, something which I found weird. But in any case, when it was time for me to move out and be on my own, I had a 'shaky' start, mainly with my mother who'd always make a rude commet such as "try not to fall victim of a freshman 15", which I'd happily comment back "I hope I fall victim of a freshman 100". 

My entire life I had more or less accepted the larger community, and never discriminated someone or a people for their culture, size, or looks without getting to know them first. Being part of that community ( currently residing at 280 ), I guess has opened my eyes even further to stand up for not only myself, but others whom have fallen victim to the media, making themselves miserable.


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## fatgirl33 (Nov 24, 2005)

Tina said:


> In May of 1999 Conrad asked me to pose for the print mag, and I did, kind of as the completion of the journey I'd been taking, and as a way to conquer a fear of the camera. Hundreds of pictures were taken -- a few of which have been manipulated and are here. The last area for me really was having my picture taken, as almost every picture I'd seen of myself I hated. So September of that year I was featured on the front page and inside the mag, and freaked a little at the thought that my face, and bod, was on the cover of a magazine that was being sold in Borders Bookstore.



Tina, thanks for posting the links to your art - it is great, I love it!

This is a really interesting thread, it's be nice and somewhat comforting to read the journey that each poster has taken. Thanks to everyone who has shared... I may share mine when I have a bit more energy!

Brenda


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## Tina (Nov 25, 2005)

Brenda, I hate to break it to you, but as a new mommy, it'll be a while before you have some energy.  Thank you for your kind words about my art. I have to say that I've been too busy to do much of it these days. I'd love to get back to it though.

Take care, and enjoy that baby.


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## HereticFA (Nov 25, 2005)

My entry into Size Acceptance (SA) started at an early age as I was fat kid. I was 96 pounds in the first grade and reached a peak of 315 in high school (but these days in the low to mid two hundreds). The first grade was also where I initially experienced my "FA-ness" and admired my first fat girl across the classroom. After watching her lose weight later in the year, I asked someone else what happened to her. I was told those fateful words "she has diabetes", a specter which was to haunt my preferences ever since. Of course my young mind was unable to comprehend the implications of that diagnoses. I only understood there was this strange "thing" which caused the loss of the prettiest girl in my class and made her look like all the other bony little girls.

During my school years, I received a lot of physical abuse involving my weight. Taunts of "fatso" were usually punctuated by fists being applied in rapid succession. It eventually stopped when I finally started fighting back and learned that anyone can start a war, but it takes everyone to keep the peace (even if it's only a truce based on fear of retaliation from the intended victim).

Only one time did I pursue my FA-ness in high school, I tried asking out the fattest girl in the school, a SSBBW of about 350 to 400 pounds. I think I was prepared for almost any response but the one I received, she ran away crying and yelling for me to leave her alone. I never tried asking out any of the other girls in high school I was attracted to. I did eventually start dating a lady seven years my senior that I met during my stint working with a local band. While my classmates were at the Senior Prom, I was at the movies with that lady, a midsize BBW who I eventually married just after I graduated high school. 

I didn't really get involved in SA until several years later after I divorced my first wife. My first "official" introduction to the concept that there were others with my preferences was the men's magazine "Penthouse 'Forum'". It was there that I learned about NAAFA and Fat Admirers. It would be several more years before I would finally locate a local NAAFA chapter and really get involved. Typical for many NAAFA chapter leaders, the chapter only lasted for about six years before everyone involved got burned out and the chapter folded. After about three years, I missed the NAAFA chapter activities so much I applied to start a chapter and eventually became the chairperson of the chapter, an office I held for about three years. Like so many other NAAFA chapter chairs, I was unable to get a replacement to run for the office and I just ran out of energy to keep it going so I folded the chapter. (This was about the time of the rise of the "for profit" fat social clubs in the mid-90's.)

Since then I had a couple of SSBBW girlfriends and finally married my SSBBW wife last May. Most of my closest friends and acquaintances are people I met in NAAFA at the chapter and national levels over the years. Two of them were my Best Man and Grooms maid at our wedding last year, as well as several other guests from our local "fat social club" where I met my wife. 

Since the mid-90's I've been involved with an alternative SA organization, Big As Texas. It became an outlet for many of us who felt disenfranchised from NAAFA during that time. I've gone on to develop many more friends and acquaintances from there as well. I've been very lucky to have so many friends of great quality. 

Being involved in NAAFA during the eighties thru the nineties, I was privy to some of the first photocopied issues of NAAFA's Fat Admirer's SIG newsletter, "Dimensions". When it went private, I subscribed and never let it lapse until the last issue with "Cat" on the cover. During the years, I subscribed to most every SA related publication that came out: MAGNA, Radiance, BBW Magazine, and a few others that I can't remember at this time. Of course my knowledge of Dimensions magazine lead me to their web presence in the early days of the internet, and I've followed Conrad's on-line labor of love ever since.


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## tankgirl (Nov 25, 2005)

I don't normally get into this... not exactly a BBW, but not really tiny either. This is kinda convoluted, don't read if you don't want to.
Always called fat and ugly in school, the whole time. From preschool to college. To be honest, anymore, I'm so fucking stressed and so fucking depressed I believe it. Can't look at myself objectively. All I see is double fucking CHIN I've been trying to get rid of, and stupid fucking BODY that's jsut WRONG (tiny tits, no hips, no ass, skater legs, football player shoulders with the thick neck to boot-- I look like a dude and most people call me SIR!). Only good thing about this falling apart hunk of crap I call my shell is it occasionally functions well enough to do something useful and it fits under a car decently. Nevermind that internal functions are taking a VERY quick shit.
Some point in my teenage years, I started trying the "self acceptance" thing, and that led me around and about to a few places, here included.
In the meantime, I still hate myself, for more reasons than anyone here could ever possibly HOPE to comprehend. One thing I have learned, is size is okay.... on ANYONE but ME. I look like shit to begin with, why make it worse....? I mean, I'm not even looking for stick thin here. I'm looking to be IN SHAPE.... WITHOUT considering ROUND as a shape.
It's weird, I suppose, being able to handle fat on anyone but myself. Oh well.
So on top of being shit on for my entire school career, my family hates me, just flat period. I have an uncle who seems to take great delight in making me hate my life more than I already do- I swear his day isn't complete until I cry.
On top of that, I like my job and the work. Too bad most everyone around here thinks it's a cop out, trying to make my OWN way with my OWN business. HOW is that a cop out? Just cause I don't want to kiss someone elses' ass for 40 years? HOW is that WRONG?
My size acceptance theories: Just fine.
But I find my self acceptance lacking.
Then again, why wouldn't I? Not like anyone shows any fucking CONFIDENCE in me or anything. Nooo, they just piss me off and depress me till I cry.... THEN they SCREAM at me to CHEER UP. What the FUCK. >.<
Ehhh, I should leave the keyboard alone till I sober up. But just think: if I was sober, I'd never think to hit the submit button. Much less type all this out to begin with.
Fuck it. *pops another beer*


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## MistahSmooth_CT (Nov 25, 2005)

You know.. everytime I view this site, it's like a reminder of the early days of when I accepted that I loved full figured women. BBW's and SSBBW's had always been around me here in the Submarine Capital Of The World, Groton, Connecticut, but it was a true evolution... one that continues this day...

First off, I was born on June 6, 1982 in New London, and I was a big baby at 10 Pounds, 2 1/2 ounces. Throughout childhood, my pediatrician used to call me "chubby", and it was one of two things I got teased about, being the fact that I was husky, up until I was like 12, when I was diagnosed with ADHD. 

In my early years, I was babysat by my godmother, who is an SSBBW, and her daughters, one of which was a BBW. It was a total norm for me, and I loved them a lot. In third grade, I think it was prominent, when I caught the eye of a girl named Debbie Doyle. She was a big girl, who everyone picked on. I was also picked on because I wasn't a Navy Brat, or a jock on the Groton-Mystic Falcons, or the DolCOM youth football teams. This gave fuel to the popular people's fire: they hounded me, and hurt my feelings so bad, that I did the unthinkable.. I broke Debbie's heart. 

God, I still can hear those cries from her, when she ran away from me. It hurts so much just to think of that. After then, I was lonely, for a long time, I was picked on, I went to few kid dances, and well.. didn't dance with many girls.. (and no... I didn't dance with the guys) 

Fifth grade was very interesting because of the fact that it was the border into the pains of puberty for me. It was a time in which... I really started to grow physical attraction to women... especially big women, though... it seemed I was regulated to certain... attributes of a woman... there was one in particular in my second year of Elementary school that didn't care for me... but even at her age..... I felt was so seductive. 

Her name, Milagro... spanish for Miracle, and that she was. She was truely, even to this day a big girl, and her bf or husband is lucky to have her. In fifth grade, when girls at that time were just growing a butt or something, she was very top heavy. Every shirt she wore, her breasts were dominant. She was truely top heavy, but she was also one of the only big girls that never ever gave me the time of day. She lived in my neighborhood up until she moved away to New London, right across the river, I never saw her until high school. 

Middle School...... life was an endless ride of discovery. I was rumored for hitting on girls from the start, especially older girls in eigth grade. LaShonda, a black girl from my neighborhood used to pick on me on a daily basis, and in the winter on the way home from school, she threw snow and ice at me. She was also a big girl that really never gave me the time of day. Seventh and Eighth grade were hard as well.. sthough I was a track runner, a lot of girls threw themselves at me and my team mate, I secretly I guess repressed those feelings about bigger women..... until I was invited in seventh grade to be a part of a program that brought kids from Groton, to the Mystic Community Center. There were kids there from all over Groton, Mystic, and Pawcatuck... 

Since, I felt that I was an outcast in my own, I grouped with girls at first that were top heavy, and guys that loved these voluptuous vixens.....Then I met Jackie Mavarak, a girl that changed my life..... and brought me back.. One day I met a very voluptuous brunette who had brown eyes that sparkled. She was so beautiful, and we spent a lot of time together there at the community center. I can remember my last time seeing her there, she was so sexy in her swimsuit, her full, voluptuous body, every ample curve. She was older than me by a year, but she was a great woman. She asked me to come into the pool with her, and she even winked at me. She cried on my shoulder when she left, and I professed my attraction... my love for her at that very moment. 

I stopped going to the Community Center soon after, as 9th grade was approaching. I entered Robert E. Fitch Senior High in 1996, where I was amazed at Groton, and Groton kids living in Mystic interacted with one another. I caught the eyes of a Junior that year, Julie Jordan, who is to this day still one of my best friends. She was a skinny girl, and stuff, but she was a very kind person. In that year, I entered a user room for something called Big Beautiful women.... my friend at the time, a girl who shares the same birthdate as me, and a BBW herself asked me to come into that room. Soon I questioned what was a BBW.... and the answer came.,... big beautiful women. 

I was shocked, but was curious. It would be that my questions came to be answered here: Dimensions Magazine. I soon realized I was attracted to older BBW's and SSBBW's such as CindyG, Brie Brown, and Heather Boyle. It brought back the tearful memories of Debbie Doyle, and how I wished that we could have been a couple to this day. Julie and I later broke up, and I sought to find a relationship that year.... it came in the form of a BBW that lived in a group home, but she also had a criminal record. She and I did little things to one another, and we were together for six months before she was brought far from me to Bridgeport, where she was emancipated from the State by her 18th birthday. 

By tenth grade, I was very open about my attraction to big girls. They thought I had a breast fetish, and at first, I admit, I did. It was much more than that, as time went on. It was here that I met my first feedee.. her name was DaddyFeedeePig on AOL.. (She died earlier this year, not of a feederism related cause). I also checked out a freshman named Autumn..... she was another BBW that was very active in the school. She was on the dance team and it was always a pleasure watching her dance, or walk, or talk, but she was very popular. I dove deep into the BBW community, even to the dark side, and viewed porn, popping up pictures of Eartha Quake, Melanie Anton, and even Teighlor's clean and dirty pics, and I was very attracted. 

Just one month shy of my 16th birthday, I was involved with a very attractive black BBW named Estelle. She would be the one who I would lose my virginity to. For a year, we dated after then, and were semi-sexual. Junior Year, I met a girl named Holly, a full figured girl I was introduced to by another former girlfriend, but nothing ever sexual came of it. From one of my best friends, I was nicknamed "TF" or tit-f***** because of the girls I was interested to having large breasts. By the beginning of my senior year, our relationship ended because of problems with her parents approving of me. 

I met a girl named Amanda, who was a true pearshaped girl... with long hair.... it was like a dream to see her. She and I were together for awhile, until I cheated on her with my ex, who I had previously dumped. Online however, I had always been nervous to chat in BBW rooms, and now I was chatting up a storm.... many older BBW friends I had acquired chatted with me on MSN, and Yahoo. 

When I got into college, at 18, I had my first credit card, and I reacquired the internet...... AOL in the beginning. I discovered not just BBW's, but SSBBW's as well more that would actually chat with me. During that time, I really began to explore the sexual avenues, if you will in the BBW community, even the dark sides. I lightly tapped into feederism for awhile, but during those times, I was too nervous to. 

At 19, I had to drop college for a year or so to work at Foxwoods, at the same time, It was at this age I went to my first BBW party: Big Connections had a party here in Groton, and my friend, the owner of the party allowed me to come, and it would be there I met Brie Brown, someone who even as a youngin' had admired for a few years. I checked back to this site often, and met few SSBBW's like SummerCT, and people that I would consider friends. 

A few highlights to my life so far would be that I chatted with CindyG before on Yahoo, and even Mhariah. I also chatted before with Tiffany Cushionberry, she's an avid gamer just like me... which totally rocked. I really started reading about, and exploring feederism.... a few weeks shy of my 23rd birthday....... I have read some, and I have friends that are feedees... but I guess my presence as a black person, who loves feedees in some domains scare people. 

In this time of reflection of my life, I finally understand what it means to be an FA. In writing my past, I hope that other FA's, of all races, and ages come clean about their preferences, and what they feel. You have a right to be happy, and the higher power that be, created us to be acceptant of all, not just the societial view of what should be. After all, as a famous character once said "Size matters not". At 23, I am proud to say that I am a FA who would treat his BBW or SSBBW like a queen, and do whatever it takes to keep a commitment lasting for a lifetime. 

Thank you for your time and reading my post.


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## Tina (Nov 26, 2005)

MistahSmooth_CT said:


> I have read some, and I have friends that are feedees... but I guess my presence as a black person, who loves feedees in some domains scare people.



Sorry to hear that; I don't think it should matter.


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## TallFatSue (Nov 26, 2005)

I sure wish the internet and all these resources had been around 3 or 4 decades ago when I was a girl, but in retrospect I muddled through pretty well anyway. I've been fat all my life (as ye olde familie photo album will attest), probably because both my grandmothers showed their love with their cooking. My mother always told me not to eat everything they set out for me because I'd make myself sick, but I ate it all anyway and never got sick but I sure got fat. I wasn't really aware that I was so fat until I was 4 or 5 years old when I heard my grandmothers say "Sue is just a growing girl," and my mother said, "Yeah but just look at how fat she is." My mother didn't like me being so fat, but she couldn't let my grandmothers outdo her in the cooking department. And so my mother became the queen of mixed messages: "Clean your plate but lose the weight."

That set the stage for kindergarten and grade school and the usual stupid "fatty fatty two-by-four" comments from the other kids. This was in the 1960s and I was always tall too, so some kids compared me to those cheap Japanese monster movies on TV: The Girl Who Ate Tokyo. By junior high I hated being the big tall fat girl, and I moped around and wanted to hide. The other kids called me Suzy Bigfoot (I find this name amusing now) and Whale Belly, and in retrospect it wasn't so much that I was big but instead I was an easy target.

Then one fine day in high school I got fed up with the mental abuse and began to give as good as I got. One of the cheerleader bitches made one too many comments about my size and I fired back with a wisecrack and a smile, and everyone laughed. Good gravy, everyone was laughing *with* me and not *at* me! So I became a friendly wise ass -- yep, the stereotypical big tall fat girl who made everyone laugh. It was a defense mechanism, but it worked great, and I gained lotsa friends, including a few boyfriends now and then. This gave me more confidence than ever, and life became much better. It also helped that as the big tall fat girl, my boobs grew bigger than all the cheerleaders', so my size finally had some positive attention for a change. It was a revelation one day when I told someone to kiss my ass and he got all excited! And the more my mother nagged about my weight, the more I viewed my fat as a symbol of my independence. Ah, my rebellious youth -- fat and proud of it.

My mother couldn't keep saying that I was way too fat to have boyfriends, but none really clicked. By then I was my own woman, so I wasn't really looking for a man to make my life complete, but then Mr. Right practically fell into my lap -- disguised as Mr. Wrong. Art was the younger brother of one of my university classmates (I was 20 and he was 18), and he was a royal jerk. He must have told me every fat joke he knew, but eventually methought he doth protest too much because he kept turning up. Finally I triple-dared him to take me on a date and behave like a gentleman. To my horror he accepted the challenge, and to my delight he treated me like a lady. Art said he didn't like fat girls, but my friendly wise ass personality intrigued him. I was so nervous I had the hiccups half the evening (gawwwd), but he said that life would never be dull with me around (I think that was a compliment), so thus began a romance out of a screwball comedy. He had no idea how to treat a woman my size, but he sure learned. Case in point: On another early date we went to a restaurant and he steered us to a booth which was obviously too small for me. "Okay Mr. Engineer, estimate the size of my ass, which you have been squeezing most of the evening, and consider whether it will really fit in that booth. Extra credit if you find seating that fits me -- NOW!" And so Art married the fattest woman he ever met -- 23 years of happy marriage and counting.

Yes it can be a challenge to be an extra extra large woman in American society. Some days I just have to put up with a lot of crap, but I consider the sources -- even if one source is my own mother ("Doesn't it bother you to have that big belly of yours hanging out for all the world to see?"). So I walk tall with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step, and most people react positively to that. If obesity is my worst problem in life, then I am one lucky woman.

Sue


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## Tracyarts (Nov 26, 2005)

My size acceptance history goes back to childhood, and grew all through my teens and twenties. But around the time I hit thirty, it came to a screeching halt and I had to detatch from it and move forward in another direction in order to do what I needed to do for the sake of my personal well-being. Recently, I have been able to take tenative steps back towards size acceptance as both a personal and political concept. I don't believe it can ever be as important of a thing in my life as it once was. My priorities and needs and beliefs have shifted dramatically over the past five years and other things just come first now.

I was raised to pretty much never realize that there was much of anything different about me. I was never particularly obese as a child, but I was much larger and more physically developed than others in my peer group. I always had friends, did things which I enjoyed, etc... A few people gave me crap about my size, but they were the same people giving crap to the kids with braces, the short kids, the kids with unusual names, etc... I learned very early on, that it wasn't about me, it was about them. Because they did it to everybody. Not just the fat kids. I learned to find their flaws and throw it right back at them too. Usually in a way that cut deep to the bone. So, they really never messed with me. 

Once I got to the end of junior high I wasn't the largest or tallest girl in chool, so I never really stood out. I danced on the dance team, had plenty of boyfriends, plenty of friends, plenty of good times. I had the stereotypical "high school glory days" experience. 

Which continued on into early college. I had started to gain weight again, and first found out about size acceptance as a political/social concept. At the time, it was a very positive influence on me, almost all the people I knew were women, and it was very empowering and enriching. 

That continued on for a little while and then it took a turn towards the surreal and I got sucked into the world of bashes, motel dances, pool parties, room parties, "modeling", internet hook-ups, etc... which did a massive number on my psyche and self-image. At that time, I started getting into eating a lot more than I needed (or really wanted to tell the truth) and wound up gaing weight very steadily for several years. 

It all culminated around 2000 when I found myself housebound and in very poor health and unable to enjoy life anymore. I found that the support I had been showered with on the gain side was totally not there for me once I hit the wall and turned into hostility when I expressed that I wanted and needed to lose weight.

So, I simply detatched from it, moved forward, and did what I had to do in order to get back to a place where I could enjoy life again. After a while, I started making tenative steps back towards size acceptance, but am very wary and unwilling to invest too much of myself in it this time around.

My personal philosophy regarding size acceptance has never changed. And that is that one has the freedom to enjoy the skin that they are in, regardless of what somebody else might think of it. 

Tracy


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## Tina (Nov 26, 2005)

Tracyarts said:


> It all culminated around 2000 when I found myself housebound and in very poor health and unable to enjoy life anymore. I found that the support I had been showered with on the gain side was totally not there for me once I hit the wall and turned into hostility when I expressed that I wanted and needed to lose weight.
> 
> So, I simply detatched from it, moved forward, and did what I had to do in order to get back to a place where I could enjoy life again. After a while, I started making tenative steps back towards size acceptance, but am very wary and unwilling to invest too much of myself in it this time around.



Tracy, are you forgetting that there were some, myself included, who were supportive of you -- and of Victoria, too, as you were both going through some of the same stuff at the same time? You posted at Abby about such things, and received a lot of support, but have never been very good at consistently posting back to those who have supported you, or at giving support in kind to those who needed it. Go look even at recent threads in the Health sections at Abby where you were given support (I know they still exist), and see what people have said, and what you have, and have not, responded to.

This is said not to be mean or argumentative, but so much of life is what we focus on. You've had support, but for whatever reason, have chosen not to see it.

Edited to add that I'm very glad that you've been able to turn your health around. You were, in part, a bit of my inspriation when I started making my own changes.


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## Tracyarts (Nov 26, 2005)

The thing of it is Tina,

While there were people who did support me, I was burned VERY badly by an individual who claimed to be a supporter and friend but who was evidently very emotionally troubled or suffering from an untreated/ineffectively treated mental illness. It culminated with a very disturbing series of events where this person proceeded to lash out at me in a very out of control and nearly incoherent manner. It really took me by surprise and totally freaked me out over having confided so much and having been so open with this person. I kept all the emails and have since evaluated them with a mental health professional friend, and they believe that I was the victim of a case of "Munchausen by Internet Proxy". 

It's not a very good memory and not a very good time in my life, so I really do not like to think on it much. It's water under the bridge, an unfortunate chapter which I have turned the page on. 

I don't feel very comfortable with online conversations much anymore. I just don't. Not on size acceptance boards, not on scrapbooking boards, not on any board where I do not know the participants personally. 

And yes, that makes me a "post and run" type. But such is the way it is and probably will continue to be. 

Tracy


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## Tina (Nov 26, 2005)

Tracy, I'm sorry you were burned in that way, and I think I know just a bit of what you're talking about, remembering reading posts at the time that hinted at some of this. I wish it would have turned out differently for you and feel fortunate that while I have been burned quite badly once, in all, I've met some of the most lovely, supportive people on the net and enjoy friendships and true supportive give and take. Guess I'm lucky. No one can convince you, and I wouldn't try to, that it doesn't always have to be like your experience was, but it truly doesn't.

I do think one can be removed while still answering posts of people who have responded to you, because not doing so can hurt feelings -- though I've found that you've rarely done such a thing to me, and we have had several posting 'conversations' here and elsewhere over the years, so I'm not trying to sound like it's something that always happens in an accusatory way.

At any rate, all in all I guess the net is a grand mixture of good and bad, assholes and nice people, and risk and reward.


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## MistahSmooth_CT (Nov 26, 2005)

You know... I shouldn't have concluded that little history about me like that.. because it wasn't fair to the other ladies here....and I am truely, truely sorry, because I love *all* women. It was wrong to just say one type of BBW or SSBBW that likes one specific thing... I was really tired writing that last night... and for those who I offended.. I am sorry


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## TallFatSue (Nov 27, 2005)

Tracy, I'm sorry to hear about your false friend. I've been burned a few times, but luckily not like that. One of the positive aspects of being obese is that my fat has generally been a good idiot filter, so I think I know who my true friends are. But there have been a few false friends who were interested in my fat and little else.

Come to think of it, generally I think obesity has made me a better person. Certainly my fat forces me to think outside the box because I literally don't fit in some places, so I need to think independently and creatively. Obesity also helps me see beyond the surface in most cases and helped me learn what is and is not truly important in life. Even though it can be a real nuisance to haul around a few hundred pounds of extra weight, I'm quietly proud of my fat because it has shaped my personality as much as my body, and I hope positively in both cases. These lessons have served me well, in both my personal and professional lives.


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## paralegalpie (Nov 28, 2005)

This thread is great. It is nice to see so many stories from others. I would have to say that I am in the early stages of acceptance, at least of my own body.

I have been a bit heavy since Jr. High, though now I look back on my teen years (when I thought I was so fat) and think how beautiful I was then. In Jr. High School I was one of the first girls to devolope. I remember my horror when the boys started calling me hippobutt in reference to my curvy hips. I was even worse when they started chanting "here come the boobs" when I would walk down the hall. I could never find a dress to fit me becasue my waist was so small compared to my bust and hips. I actually had to make both of my prom dresses and modify the patterns to fit. luckilly my grandmother was a good seamstress and she helped me out.

11 years,Two kids, and 50 lbs later I am trying to learn to love myself as I am. I am too young to waste my life hiding because I am embarrased about the way I look. Every woman on my dad's side of the family (who I undoubtably take after) is large. I still watch what I eat and try to get plenty of exercize, but now it is just to stay healthy and avoid heart disease and diabetes. I'm not focused on losing weight, just losing my bad attitude and being happy. 

The other side of my story is that I never wanted to be super model skinny. I also never wanted to date skinny men. They gotta have some meat on their bones to turn my head. I like them solid and stocky. So, aside from being a BBW, I am also a bit of an FA I guess. 

I didn't know this type of community exhisted until just a few weeks ago when I read an article in a local news paper. I am glad I found you all.


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## collegeguy2514 (Nov 28, 2005)

i think i figured out i liked big girls sometime around 1997 or 1998, which would have made me 12 or 13 then. i couldn't figure out why all the girls that my friends thought were "hot" didnt do it for me. i was really confused, but i started thinking that maybe i liked the larger ladies. 

im not sure what led me to this, but i remember searching for "fat girls" or something like that. i ended up finding a story in the weight room called "Bewitched." it completely blew me away, i had never read anything like it before. 

a few nights later i came back to the story, and did some searching around the site it was on, which just happened to be Dimensions Magazine. this opened up a whole new world to me, leading me all over the net. i eventually figured out that i liked big girls, and seeing them grow. 

fast forward to 2003. or was it early 2004? im a freshman in college now. for reasons i still cant figure out, i decide i want to get fat. so i start eating everything in sight. when i started gaining i weighed about 140, and right now i weigh about 215. not bad for a year and a half of gaining off and on, i'd say. 

for a while, i thought i was really weird for liking bigger women. and i thought it was really weird when i decided to get fat myself. i still dont really know why i want to get fat, but i stoped asking myself why and started enjoying it. and enjoy it i have! 

welp, thats my story. im sure i left out a few details. oh, and if any ladies here want to gain weight, and want a guy to get fat with them, let me know.


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## mejix (Dec 3, 2005)

not that its important but it just occured to me that the fa's of the 21st century -born after 2000- are probably still not aware that they are fa's. though they probably already have some fa thoughts.


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## MWBBWFanMan (Dec 4, 2005)

I'm not sure if this will ever get posted as it's my first attempt at posting something in here I think I first had my FA thoughts when I was about 10 and was helping the neighbor lady paint her house. THis all happened about 27 years ago and I can remember it like yesterday still. I remember seeing my neighbor climb up the ladder. She was wearing the tightest brown corduroys that made the swooshy sound when she walked. She must have been 25 years older than me and had a fat well rounded body of about 300 pounds. It was right there and then that I had my first feeling about what I find physically desireable:smitten: 

I used to think there was something wrong with me for my preferences growing up in my early teens. I had all these secret crushes on all the chubby/fat girls in school and never acted on asking anyone out until I was 17. I remember going to school and hearing the torture that kids go through in high school by not feeling that they fit in. I remember that first date with a chubby girl and the grief I got for going out with a "chunker".... I never felt ashamed to be with a heavy girl, but the kids sure could make you feel bad with teasing or jabs. We only went out a handful of times and I didn't really date much after that till I had been in college a year. THats when I really started to notice more women with the extra flesh that I so adored. I dated a few girls throughout college, never really knowing why I was dating because I was so involved with my business and my education. I was in college when I discovered Dimensions Magazine Print version and I ended up buying 15 back issues! I just couldnt believe there were other people out there like me!!! It was such a wonderful feeling to know that I wasn't "weird" and that there were others that shared my preferences. 
After college I met a lovely bbw that I spent about 6 years with in a comitted relationship. She wasn't happy about some of the choices I made with my career and our rellationship fizzled....I guess if I really wanted to marry her, I would have. It was about this time that I discovered the whole FA/BBW scene online and I was happy to be out on the prowl looking for "fresh meat" again and ended up finding plenty of dates. It was always fun to anticipate meeting someone new and hoping that she may possibly be the "one". I was a lurker in Dimchat for a while and finally one of the great gals I met in there convinced me to put up a photo and to start participating. I did, and I want to say that I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world in there. OMG:smitten: Talk about a bunch of gorgeous women in one place:smitten: I have been fortunate enough to meet a handful of the folks in chat and hope I will meet more throughout life. The part I love most about the chatroom and dimensions in general is thet it's mostly "real" people that hang out in here. LOL...Anyone ever tried a bbw chatroom on Yahoo? I did once...Never again 

LOL...Im not so sure if what I am typing is in the correct order or if it will make sense to anyone, but I just had to add something. This whole size acceptance thing is one of the most life altering things I have seen. It is so nice to be able to participate in a forumn with so many people with similar tastes and backgrounds. 

As far as family and friends go I will add this. Whenever Mom asks me about new GF's or dates, she always asks me if they are "chunky"? I always reply YES....THen she asks why and I tell her thats just the way it is. I always feel sorry for the people that have skinny partners. They just have no idea whatsoever what they are missing out on. My friends know I always date fat chicks and I know that any gal I am out with gets the nod of approval from my buddies for the most part....Then there are my friends that only like skinny women....I guess I dont fit in as well with them as far as sharing preferences, but the times I go out with them as a bunch of couples there is never an issue. 

I could go one forever on this subject. It's a subject that I really enjoy and love to converse on with others in here. It's just so wonderful to think about the "beauty" of BBW's/SSBBW's. Every dimple and bulge just add to it for me. 

I am going to make an effort to try to come in and read/post more often. Conrad has given us this wonderful place to interact and we might as well use it. LOL...At least I know I need to start using it. It feels pretty good to write down thoughts once in a while and Im already wondering what I am going to see in this if I re-read it in a week.

Big hugs to each and every one of you that make Dimensions what it is....Even you weirdo troll people...Thank you! You add to the mix to. If it wasnt for trolls the real folks wouldnt seem real....I wouldn't change a single thing about my life in the FA/BBW scene. 

Thanks everyone for just being who you are 
Bill


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## MizzRubens (Dec 7, 2005)

I have been a big girl as long as I can remember. Up until recently I wasnt proud of it. My mother was and still is fixated by weight so it has always been an issue in my family. I love my mom dearly and couldnt live without her but she has made life more complicated than it should have been. I remember one time I went shopping for clothes with her when I was about 13 years old. Of course the shirt I took from the rack was too small, but when I tried it on she said out loud that I looked like a hippo. It might sound funny now but if I could have died there right at the spot it would have been fine with me. 

I was a very shy girl and ashamed of how I looked. And when I see pics of myself as how I was then I wasnt fat at all and actually quite pretty! Of course I was bigger than the other girls, but not really fat. I was an absolute blush champion When a guy even pointed at me, I would get the reddest head imaginable. I had a technical education so there werent that many girls in my class. Luckily for me because we all know how girls are amongst each other. My problem was that I experienced the teasing as bullying. Now I know better. The guys just liked to make me blush and shy.:doh: I know that nowlol. I guess we all grow wiser by the years. I had one boyfriend in high school. We broke up but about five years later we became the best of friends again.

There were a few big things that changed my life and it started about 2 years ago. First thing was that I was so tired of being alone that I started to register in online dating sites. Without a picture on I got a few replies. When I finally placed a picture (the one I have on here now) I got even more replies. It was such a surprise to me! I had a few dates that werent a big success but hey at least I got out of the house and met new people. 

Second thing started at work actually. We were getting a new computer system and the consultants were walking in and out of the office. One of the consultants paid more attention to me than to my colleagues, but I thought he was just being friendly. He found me on MSN and contacted me there. It was my first contact with a FA. We had a brief affair and nobody knows it at the office and we are keeping it like that. During our (mostly online) talks I grew more and more confident about myself and about how I looked.

Third thing was meeting a guy who introduced me to Dimensions. What an eye opener! :shocked: It was so much fun to explore the site. I got along fine with that guy but he was afraid to show the outside world that he liked big girls. So it didnt last but I grew more confident about my body. 

One guy from DimChat I even met in person last March. It was one of the best weeks of my life. Because of the distance (over 1500 km) it isnt possible to have a relationship (according to him ), but we still talk to each other every day and he is one of my best friends. The talks we had and still have, the way he responded to me, were such an enormous boost to my ego. 

Next Tuesday I have a date which Im looking forward to. If it doesn't work out I at least know that it doesn't have to do with a lack of self confidence on my side.

I can't even begin to compare the person I am now to the person I was even a year ago.  I am a happy fattie. I love my body and I love myself now.  

Denise
[/COLOR]


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## Jes (Dec 7, 2005)

MizzRubens said:


> Next Tuesday I have a date which Im looking forward to. If it doesn't work out I at least know that it doesn't have to do with a lack of self confidence on my side.
> 
> 
> [/COLOR]



Veel succes!


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## MizzRubens (Dec 7, 2005)

Jes said:


> Veel succes!



Thanks, Jes. 
Are you Dutch?


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## moonvine (Dec 9, 2005)

Growing up I wasn't fat, but I sure thought I was! At times I was chunky, at times not (I remember clearly at one time in high school weighing 120; I think it was freshman year - don't ask me why I remember this). My mother thought (and made me believe) that I was the fattest person on earth, though. I went through the nagging, the bargaining (I'll buy you a new wardrobe if you lose X amount of weight), the shaming, the rationing and locking up of food, etc. Whew, I'm glad that is over!

I guess I first found out about fat acceptance around 1994 or 1995. I flirted with fat acceptance but then started taking phen/fen. I did some slight damage to my heart that way. Then I decided being thin just wasn't worth it and I decided never to diet again.

I still can do anything I want to do, physically. (I'm not sure running would be advisable, but SCUBA diving, walking, dancing, climbing, etc are no problem). I think I have very little chance of ever getting married, and I don't think I'm likely to ever have kids, as I'm almost 40, and yes, I blame my fat for that. But other than that, my fat and I get along pretty well, thankyouverymuch.


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## Blockierer (Dec 9, 2005)

It was in my early twenties, when I read an article in a newspaper about fat women and men who love them, clubs for such folks and some more SA topics. I was thrilled and immediately I knew I am a member of this community, no doubt about it.
Since 1999 I have internet connection and I am a regular visitor of FA/BBW sites and boards.


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## wurdahitah (Dec 10, 2005)

I was about ten or eleven years old when puberty hit me and in my class there was a girl who had begun developing really early.She was quite plump and had an exceptionally mature body for that age. It was her I was attracted to, not the thin girls that the other boys liked, since then I have loved big girls exclusivly though I denied this attraction until I was 15 or 16. 
Sorry if I spelled something wrong but English is not my native tounge.


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 12, 2005)

I stumbled across size acceptance websites about 1 1/2 years ago, a few months after I had weight loss surgery. I was rapidly losing weight and becoming a more "socially acceptable" size, but I wasn't feeling any differently about myself. In fact, I felt worse. Long story short, I realized that my weight was never really the problem. Then again, I didn't have WLS to look like a model; I did so because my doctor told me that my weight was the likely culprit in my infertility (I'm 5'6" and at my heaviest, was close to 300 lbs). I was 36 and desperate to have a baby. I'm now 38, my weight fluctuates between 145-150 (in the so-called 'normal' BMI range) and I still haven't conceived :doh: 

I did have certain expectations; I assumed that my life would improve once I was thin. I quickly realized that this wasn't going to happen. I really don't know why I initially began to explore size acceptance, but once I started, I felt more at peace with myself. I also met quite a few people via message boards, some who post here, and I have come to really enjoy these friendships. 

I wasn't always heavy, but I've never really felt comfortable in my own skin, no matter what size I am/have been. I can remember weighing 135 lbs and thinking that I was horrifically fat; of course, I thought that if I could just lose 10-15 pounds, I'd be _happy._ I started to gain weight when I was in my early 20's. I'd transferred from a University in Illinois to another in Minnesota so that I could be with my boyfriend. It wasn't a good move or a happy time in my life. Within a few years, I'd gained over 100 lbs. I'd grow disgusted with myself and go on a diet, lose 20-50 lbs, and then quickly regain all I'd lost and then some. I managed to 'diet' myself up to 296 lbs. 

I know that WLS is a very controversial topic here, and I hope that I don't manage to alienate people with my very first post. For me, my experience with WLS is what brought me to size acceptance. And yes, I *do* always manage to learn the hard way! I don't know if I would have decided differently; I was so desperate to have a child that I convinced myself this was the "only" way. I was told that I was not a good candidate for fertility drugs due to my size. Later, I found out that many, many 250+ lb women have successfully become pregnant after taking Clomid. Aside from a few medical concerns (high blood pressure, borderline diabetic) I was quite healthy. I'm fortunate in that I still am, as far as I know.

Ironically, as I've lost weight, my husband has gained quite a bit. He's always been very thin -- painfully so, for most of his life. He's 6' tall, and until recently he's never weighed more than 140 lbs. He's gained about 70 lbs in the past year. I don't think he's ever looked sexier  

I'm happy to see some friends here, and I look forward to meeting others.


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## moonvine (Dec 12, 2005)

Yay! It is TraciJo! Yay! :wubu:  

(a dancing smilie would better express my feelings, but we don't have one)


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## Boteroesque Babe (Dec 14, 2005)

TraciJo67 said:


> Then again, I didn't have WLS to look like a model; I did so because my doctor told me that my weight was the likely culprit in my infertility (I'm 5'6" and at my heaviest, was close to 300 lbs). I was 36 and desperate to have a baby. I'm now 38, my weight fluctuates between 145-150 (in the so-called 'normal' BMI range) and I still haven't conceived :doh:.


Welcome, TraciJo, and thanks for sharing your story. Someone close to me has been trying to get pregnant for more than a year, and I know it can be an emotional undertaking when things don't go as planned.

Good luck to you.


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## BBW Betty (Dec 14, 2005)

TraciJo67 said:


> I
> I know that WLS is a very controversial topic here, and I hope that I don't manage to alienate people with my very first post. For me, my experience with WLS is what brought me to size acceptance. And yes, I *do* always manage to learn the hard way! I don't know if I would have decided differently; I was so desperate to have a child that I convinced myself this was the "only" way. I was told that I was not a good candidate for fertility drugs due to my size. Later, I found out that many, many 250+ lb women have successfully become pregnant after taking Clomid. Aside from a few medical concerns (high blood pressure, borderline diabetic) I was quite healthy. I'm fortunate in that I still am, as far as I know.




Hi TraciJo. Has your doctor mentioned metformin (sp?) It's main use is treatment of diabetes, but it also appears to help treat PCOS, which I have. Since my blood sugar is not a problem, it was decided I'm not a good candidate for it, but some research shows it can help women conceive who are diabetic with PCOS. Also, make sure your doc is size-friendly. They will be much more willing to acknowledge your healthy points.

It looks like Clomid may be the route my husband and I need to take. I'll be 37 next month, and if we are going to start a family, it should be soon.

Good luck.

Betty


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## MisticalMisty (Dec 22, 2005)

Well, I've been fat since I was 4. I can remember, quite vividly, being in JC Penny and mom making me get the husky jeans. I was the fattest kid in school all 13 years of it. The teasing started in the first grade. The guy I've loved..well lusted over..for 15 years called me Big Apple and received swats. It went on from there and finally I got to be pretty good with comebacks etc. 

I never knew anything about the whole bbw/fa community until 4 years ago. I received a random email from a guy in reference to the quote on my yahoo profile. "If you don't like big women, kiss my ass and have a nice day." He sent me an email stating that he actually loved big women. Needless to say, we started chatting and emailing and eventually met. He was my first FA and let's just say I'm so grateful to him.

I've been a member of dimensions ever since. He's the one that told me about the website and I started chatting the day after our date. That was 4 years ago November.

Accepting my size didn't happen over night for me. Somedays, I still struggle with loving my body. It's hard, especially when I'm single and I can't keep the negative thoughts at bay. I do know that the people in dimensions have become my second family. It's the only place I feel I can truly be me, without feeling like I'm side show Bertha or something. The people I've met in there, keep me grounded and help me to remember that I'm awesome  

So, thanks to everyone!

Misty


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## KittyG122 (Dec 27, 2005)

i rember being in middle school and getting teased about my weight and even all the way back to third grade and all i knew was that i should always be skinny and when the oppurtunity for me came to make fun of some one else about there weight i kumped on the oppurtunity because i wanted to feel accepted myself, when i came across these websites i learned that there are ppl out there who do accept and that i am beutiful, and i realized that being large was okay that i didn't have to try and fit in if i was happy with the way i was, and that making fun of anyone because they are "larger" than what is suppose to be "normal" is stupid, i enede up apoligizing to that kid i made fun of so long ago, and he felt a lot better, and i did to, i think size accpetance is importnat in today's society because we are all so different... and its good.


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## Ryan (Dec 30, 2005)

I've always had a rather "average" build, so I don't really have many stories to tell about my own weight. But I have gained a few pounds in the last few years, because I sit in front of a computer all day for my job and I tend to snack a lot. My job is stressful and tiring, so I usually don't feel like going to the gym after work. My ideal weight is 190 - 200 lbs, and I weigh about 220 lbs now. I carry it well, so I don't worry about how I look (and I'm not all that concerned with other peoples' opinions of my appearance, anyway), but I don't _feel_ as well as I used to. I don't have as much energy as I did when I was in better shape.

As far as size acceptance of others; size doesn't matter that much to me. I'm not sure if I would be considered an FA, since I think women of all sizes can be attractive. I think there some very attractive BBW women, and there are also some very attractive slim women. I either find a woman attractive or I don't. Her weight doesn't really have anything to do with whether or not I find her attractive, although I have to admit I'm kind of grossed out by extremely skinny, anorexic-looking women.


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## saucywench (Dec 30, 2005)

Ryan said:


> ....As far as size acceptance of others; size doesn't matter that much to me. I'm not sure if I would be considered an FA, since I think women of all sizes can be attractive. I think there some very attractive BBW women, and there are also some very attractive slim women. I either find a woman attractive or I don't. Her weight doesn't really have anything to do with whether or not I find her attractive, although I have to admit I'm kind of grossed out by extremely skinny, anorexic-looking women.


 
I like your attitude, Ryan--and I think it's perfectly OK that you don't label yourself as an FA. You don't have to be AGAINST something to be FOR something else--or to be 100% in favor of one thing versus another. I just wish, idealistically, that we could all take our blinders off and take people for their true worth--not by what form or shape their essence is housed. It seems that one of the primary distinctions between "us" and "them", though, is that society at large (heh) is *obsessed* about thinness--whether in themselves, or everyone around them. It's one thing to be pleased with yourself that you maintain a healthful body--that in itself is a healthful outlook. But, to expect, or even demand, that everyone around you adapt to your mode of thinking in this regard...that is really pathological, and bodes dis-ease. My outlook on fat people is that, for the most part, we don't consider our bodies so much as other aspects of our selves that we might deem more important--and I see nothing wrong with that, either. Why can't we all be free to have that choice? Discrimination of any form is morally wrong--far more wrong, in my opinion, than in carrying larger amounts of weight.


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## Ceres (Dec 30, 2005)

hello all!ok..i gained weight after puberty,i went from a A cup to a C cup in 6 months..lol..i looked 18 when i was 12...i was not really really overweight until i got married with my 1 husband,or thejerk as i call him....i gained 60 pounds in 1 year cause of my depression..after 7 years i gave him the boot and met my present husband that i love with all my heart..he is the one that started to make me feel sexy and hotaltough my mom still say i am fat but i dont really care....in my family we are not skinny but my 2 other sisters are curvacious too,and my 4 brothers are all tall and build but not fat...i like myself and i like to show my skin when i can with sexy tops and skirts..i look wonderful in jeans too!!!Ceres


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## Jane (Jan 1, 2006)

My size acceptance history is ongoing. However, I know NO ONE any size, any degree of socially accepted gorgeousness, who is content with the way they look.

It's a Madison Avenue thing. "You can always look better, be better, if you buy this product." Listen to the opening song of "Nip Tuck" sometime. It basically says it all.


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## Ryan (Jan 1, 2006)

saucywench said:


> I like your attitude, Ryan--and I think it's perfectly OK that you don't label yourself as an FA. You don't have to be AGAINST something to be FOR something else--or to be 100% in favor of one thing versus another. I just wish, idealistically, that we could all take our blinders off and take people for their true worth--not by what form or shape their essence is housed. It seems that one of the primary distinctions between "us" and "them", though, is that society at large (heh) is *obsessed* about thinness--whether in themselves, or everyone around them. It's one thing to be pleased with yourself that you maintain a healthful body--that in itself is a healthful outlook. But, to expect, or even demand, that everyone around you adapt to your mode of thinking in this regard...that is really pathological, and bodes dis-ease. My outlook on fat people is that, for the most part, we don't consider our bodies so much as other aspects of our selves that we might deem more important--and I see nothing wrong with that, either. Why can't we all be free to have that choice? Discrimination of any form is morally wrong--far more wrong, in my opinion, than in carrying larger amounts of weight.



Thanks. The fact that I find a lot of BBW's attractive has resulted in some comments from my peers (not really any more, but in the past). I've always told people that I date the women that I date because _I_ like them, and others' opinions of these women is irrelevant to me. Why shouldn't I date women that I like? I couldn't imagine getting married and spending the rest of my life with someone because _somebody else_ thinks she's attractive, so why would I even be willing to go out on one date with a woman who was _somebody else's_ ideal?


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## Donna (Jan 2, 2006)

This is long, so if you dont wish to read, you can move on. Also, warning, I might sound like I am whining in places, so skip reading if you want something light. I ascribe to the theory of putting ones best face forward and well honestly, my self acceptance history isnt all roses. (I know, whose is, right?) I honestly believe I was born to be fat. My Dad was a big man and except for his height, I have inherited his body. I have his hair, I have his face, I have his belly. I was an over-indulged child and my Mom was good for using food as a reward. It also didnt help that I was not the kind of kid who liked to play outdoors a great deal. I would much rather read a book or play with my dolls and tea sets.

I remember distinctly knowing about diets and Weight Watchers in particular when I was in kindergarten. We were given a class project to draw pictures of our Mothers and I drew my Mom pre and post Weight Watchers. I remember my Mom and my teacher thinking then how precious it was. When I think about it now, it makes me sad. A six-year old shouldnt have that trip in their head! I was teased mercilessly all throughout my schooling. I remember one particular taunt that still echoes in my head to this dayWeebles wobble but they DO fall down! and this one girl would always push me down. I was not a total victim, though, dont get me wrong. I fought back all the time! 

My Mom was always putting me on this or that diet, and I would lose some weight, only to gain it back plus some once I went off the diet. This was all before I was even a teenager. When I was thirteen, I joined a Church youth group and started being more active. I went to roller skating parties with them once a week and during the first one, some kid said fat girls cant roller skate! The independent streak in me said, Oh hell yes we can! and I set about to learn how to skate. I never was the most graceful person to walk the face of the planet and I was downright dangerous on roller skates. I ended up falling and dislocating my hip joint from my femur (thats the bone in the thigh, right?) It required surgically placed pins in my hip and I was in traction for close to a month. I got out of the hospital the day my Dad passed away and that still bothers me to this day. For a long time I thought, If I werent a fat klutz, I would have had that extra time with Daddy.

After my Dad passed away, I was a bit depressed. No, I was A LOT depressed. I am the only girl and he and I were very close, so I took it very hard. I used food to compensate. It didnt help that I loved to eat anyway and my Mom also struggled with food issues. My Mom took me to see a hypno-therapist to try and lose weight. I was dragged to psychologist/psychiatrist appointments and tested for every mental disorder under the sun. Just before my 15th birthday, the psychiatrist I was seeing at the time told my Mom, Youre wasting your time and money. She isnt sick, she just likes to eat. But still my Mom would not listen. High school was a nightmare. We moved from Michigan to Florida right before I started high school and it was like being thrown into a whole different world. So in typical Donna fashion, I withdrew to food.

When I graduated high school, I was around 250 pounds and I remember thinking I was huge. Now, at 39 years old and 420 pounds, I would almost cut off my left arm to be that thin again, despite the fact that I have achieved a certain modicum of self esteem. (Do we ever truly accept everything about ourselves?) All I ever heard growing up and into adulthood was, You have such a pretty face. If you would just lose weight, you could have a boyfriend, a nice job, etc. The last part was usually whatever it was that I was struggling for at the time. I went on the typical cycle a lot of us have.diet.lose some..go off diet.gain it back plus some..get down on myselfdietlose somego off diet.you get the point. 

My weight has kept me from a lot of opportunities. Its not all bad, the path to self acceptance was rocky but I am philosophical about it. Ive learned a lot about me, and I still continue to learn. I picked up a Dimensions Magazine back in the mid 90s and thought it was the greatest thing on paper. It was in the back of that magazine that I saw an advertisement for a book called Some BODY to Love by Leslea Newman. It was my starting point. I still struggle with self acceptance and I probably always will. I look in the mirror sometimes still and see an ugly blob. Just four years ago, I had an issue where I broke a piece of furniture at a friends house. That incident runs through my brain when I let it. The sheer humiliation I felt. The look of disgust on one of my closest friends face when it happened is something I will carry to the grave. No amount of therapy, self acceptance or weight loss will EVER take away those feelings. Its just a matter of how I allow it to effect my behavior that counts, in my opinion.

As most know, I am nearly a constant figure in the chat room here. Its a haven for me, a place where I can relax and indulge the social part of me. And invariably, when the subject of self esteem comes up, I tell folks to fake it until you make it. Id love to say I am where I need to be acceptance wise, but hey, I might not ever be. It has taken four years of being actively involved in the SA community for me to realize that just because I accept myself as a fat person doesnt mean I can give up eating right and trying to be healthy. I have reached the point of being fat and happy (despite the tone of this post, I am a happy person the majority of the time) and now I will stare down 2006 trying to be Fat, happy and healthy.

And thats my two cents on the subject. With inflation, I am sure its worth half that, but to me, its priceless because it makes up who I am today and who I will be tomorrow.

Bemusedly,
Donnaalicious


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## Webmaster (Jan 2, 2006)

My own size acceptance history has unlikely roots. First, I am an average sized FA. Second, I was born and brought up in Switzerland where there are very few fat people. Yet, I had glimpses of my future sexual orientation when I was as young as six. And I felt anger and outrage when family and relatives made disparaging remarks about fat people on television even when I was a child. 

When I reached puberty and engaged on the exciting and a bit scary road of discovering sexuality, whatever that was, it came in the form of exciting dreams of an incredibly sweet, huge female presence whose face I never saw. She became my goddess, the one who visited me at night in my dreams and introduced me to the world of sexual passion and longing. I knew nobody like her in real life, had never actually seen women as fat as the goddess. But she was there. 

As most young boys, I then entered the world of Playboy and other mens' magazines that we hunted down like prized, forbidden possessions. I quickly found myself tracing the busty Playboy cartoon girls. For my classmates I "knew" that one was supposed to make favorable and lewd comments about the girls with the biggest breasts, but I immediately found myself using the tracing paper to add larger bellies, hips and legs. I drew fantasy girls many a night. 

In real life, during the day, I was just a student in my all-boys junior high and then highschool. We started having parties and my first girlfriends were not fat, none of the girls we knew were, but at least they were among the cuddlier ones. So for several years I thought this may well be how it was for everyone: have sexual fantasies about the fat goddess at night, then deal with the sobering reality during the day. 

I encountered only a few "fat girls" in real life, and they weren't very fat. One was already so damaged that she was essentially a social outcast. Looking back I regret that I never approached her. When I first came face to face with the sister of my best friend, it blew me away. I turned around and there she was, all 200 or so pounds of her. I felt an immediate, powerful attraction and was totally speechless. We became close friends and almost lovers, but she had already been damaged so much by her own parents that she was unable to see any beauty in herself. I remember the frustration after hours of trying to convince her of her charm and beauty (and she was attractive) when she simply dismissed it. She went on to spend decades in psychiatric care. 

When I found true love, or so it seemed, she was a vibrant Italian girl from Brooklyn NY. I ran into her and her friend in front of the Duomo in Florence, Italy. An intercontinental relationship ensued, and we got married. Everything was great, but the goddess did not go away and the fantasies continued. So I continued to live a double life, one real, and one that seemed equally real in my fantasies. I did pursue that latter one, and had for years, and it led to some interesting episodes. My wife dismissed my attraction to fatness as just a fantasy that I should get out of my system (those were still the free-love days where anything went). It didn't. 

We moved to the US after I finished my degree in Switzerland and got a post-graduate scholarship over here. We stayed together for several more years, but the relationship was doomed and we parted as friends. 

I then decided to live by myself until I had it all figured out. I had a flat in a brownstone in downtown Albany, NY and never let anyone get close to me. I never even let a girlfriend stay over. Eventually I came across NAAFA, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. The very thought of such a thing thrilled me as I had envisioned something like that for years. A group that would both fight size injustice and discrimination, but also get together and feel good about themselves and each other. NAAFA had a NAAFA Date and PenPal program at the time, to which I subscribed together with my membership application. That was in 1979. 

So I waited week after week to hear back from NAAFA and eventually I did. That was a defining moment in my life. I found that the PenPal application had apparently confused them; I had requested contact not only with females, but also other FAs for I felt a great need to talk to someone, anyone about my still puzzling preference. So the PenPal person at NAAFA thought I was seeking another man. I chuckled over that, but the upside was that I did get in contact with some other FAs that introduced me to their own way of thinking. After a lifetime, I no longer felt alone. I knew now I was not the only one. And I learned it was not perverted to not only desire slightly chunky girls, but very fat, supersized women, like the goddess I had first encountered all those years ago. 

I also got in contact with many wonderful women via PenPal and NAAFA-Date. That resulted in many correspondences and a few dates. I also found BBW Magazine (which I would later buy and own myself), and placed a friendship ad there. Apparently I said the right things in my ad as there were many responses, among them my future wife. She came to visit me, and that was the first time I had real-life contact with a supersize woman. It was everything I had dreamed about all those years and then some. We started seeing each other, though it was once again a long-distance relationship just as my professional career also took off. 

Turns out she was also a NAAFA member, and so we started seeing each other at NAAFA events. She was active in the Chicago chapter and knew NAAFA's leadership. So I got to know Bill, NAAFA's founder, and Nancy, his wife, as well. I studied every NAAFA document, brochure, and newsletter I could lay my hands on. I began writing articles and opinions. And in 1983 Bill told me I had been nominated to run for NAAFA's Board of Directors. I accepted and became a member of the board. In those days, NAAFA had a six hour board meeting every month, always in the old NAAFA office in Bellrose, NY. 

As an outsider I did not have any political baggage and so a year later I found myself NAAFA Vice President and getting increasingly involved in NAAFA issues. Ruby and I got married after a board meeting in our home in Delmar, NY in a little makeshift chapel. We had written our own vows. When Bill stepped down as NAAFA's chairman of the board I became his successor and resolved to apply the management and professional skills I had learned in business to the running of the NAAFA non-profit. 

With the help of a very active board I began reshaping NAAFA from a more-or-less localized East Coast group into a true national organization. I set membership and chapter goals and pushed for the hiring of a full-time professional executive director. That happened in the late 1980s and the national office grew into a powerful organizing force with increasing political clout and amazing access to the press and political organizations. 

On a personal level, early on in my involvement with NAAFA I had taken on the leadership of NAAFA's FA-SIG, the Fat Admirer Special Interest Group. It was actually the brainchild of two fat women, Nancy Summer and Elizabeth Williams, who had felt FAs needed a place of their own within NAAFA. I coordinated the effort and began cobbling together the modest FA-SIG newsletter which, against some resistance, I decided to open to both FAs and fat women. 

In 1986 I had gone on TV for the first time. It was a Sally Jessy Rafael show in St. Louis. I appeared with NAAFA Founder Bill Fabrey and fellow board member Neil Dachis. The show was on men who preferred fat women. I was hugely nervous and a bit concerned about professional repercussions as by that time I was a rapidly rising young manager in a large organization. My co-workers found out soon enough and the result was a wonderful outpouring of support as almost anyone had a fat person among their friends and family. I breathed a sigh of relief. My appearance on Sally Jessy led to a flood of other TV appearance offers, and so over the next few years I did almost all of the major talk shows, and many regional ones (Donahue was the nicest in person, followed by, surprise, Geraldo). 

By the end of the 1980s NAAFA had flourished into a true national organization, and the national office had six full-time employees and increasingly sophisticated data processing systems which I had put in place. The executive director was a political powerhouse. NAAFA became involved in political activism. We had access to congressmen and governors and sponsored the Coalition on Size Acceptance. We lobbied states assemblies for the passing of size acceptance provisions. We protested in front of the White House for equal healthcare for fat people. NAAFA's paid membership soared to an all-time high of over 5,000 and the list of contacts grew to tens of thousands. 

In the meantime, the FA-SIG publication was renamed Dimensions, and then was split from NAAFA as NAAFA was primarily size-political and Dimensions mostly social, albeit with a strong size acceptance component. Dimensions would go on financially supporting NAAFA for the next 15 years or so. 

Politically, while I had once been an outsider and newcomer, after years as Chairman of the Board with a strong agenda I was no longer an outsider. There were alliances and political fights. In 1991, after seven years as chairman, I took a sabbatical from board duty in order to concentrate on my flourishing career, but returned just two years later and reassumed the chairmanship. NAAFA had some of its largest and most successful conventions in those days, just before the emergence of the web. I left again in the mid 1990s when I had some personal issues to deal with and a competent new group of leaders emerged and I stepped back to run Dimensions and a couple of technology magazines I had founded. I stayed on as information systems coordinator and ran and built the NAAFA website and bulletin boards. 

Dimensions itself had grown into a 64-page glossy magazine with photo features, stories, opinion columns, fashions, and hundreds of personal ads. We also went on the Web early, having a Dimensions web presence as early as 1994. Dimensions had over 6,000 subscribers and national (albeit not very large) distribution. When BBW Magazine, founded back in 1979, was closed down by its publisher, I bought the magazine and all the trademarks ("BBW," "Big Beautiful Woman,") and we continued publishing BBW for four years, during which I believe we created some of the best issues ever (BBW lives on as an informational web community at www.bbwmagazine.com) 

When NAAFA's chairwoman Leslie DiMaggio fell ill in 2001 she asked me to return and assume the chairmanship of NAAFA while she was ill. Tragically, Leslie died only weeks later and the board asked me to take over as chair again. I did and embarked on an aggressive program to help NAAFA join the information age as the organization had dangerously fallen behind and on hard times. That did not sit well with some of the more hidebound leadership, some of which had always eyed my work with Dimensions with suspicion, and so my involvement with NAAFA came to an end early 2004. 

By that time, Dimensions had changed as well. We had had to stop the print version of Dimensions due to rapidly rising printing costs and reduced ad revenue as the web became every more prevalent. So, instead, the Dimensions website grew in leaps and bounds. I kept adding new systems and services, all free of charge, and that remains so to this day. The mission of the FA-SIG and Dimensions was always to bring together two groups of people who were made for each other, but each had its own difficult issues to deal with. I wanted for Dimensions to be a forum where those two groups, fat people and their admirers, could meet and learn to understand themselves and each other. And that happened. Many have learned to appreciate themselves. Many have met through Dimensions. Not everyone understands Dimensions, or my decision to allow debate on issues where I might not agree. But I felt it is important that all this takes place. 

I am very fortunate. While I never managed to financially cash in like other publishers by selling a magazine for millions or embark on profitable commercial ventures, I had something that few are lucky enough to experience: my passions and my work were one and the same. What more can one ask for. 

So that's my Size Acceptance history. And it's not over yet.


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## Thrifty McGriff (Jan 2, 2006)

What a brilliant thread this is. Thank you for starting it saucywench. I used to be a semi-active member on the old Dimensions boards and then disappeared a bit after the switch to these ones, and have been lurking again recently. I guess I might as well share my short history with size admiration. 

I just realized this is a terribly long post so feel free to ignore it. I apologize. 

When I was a wee lad of about 5 or 6 I always dreamt about very large people eating vast amounts of food. Additionally, I would stuff blankets and pillows into my clothing to feel bigger. I paid lots of attention to large women as well when I saw them. Otherwise I had no clue that I was different from most boys in that regard, nor did anyone else know of such activities.

For some reason or another I remember teasing the thicker girls in my class in elementary school, and looking back I wish I could beat the crap out of my younger self.  In Gr. 8 I changed badly... I developed depression and social anxiety which would only get worse throughout all of high school. Perhaps these came about as a result of my conscious clashing with my previous actions in elementary school, perhaps that is just speculation, but for whatever reason I became self loathing and it is a feeling that I've only overcome within the last couple of years with help from a lovely high school teacher, some medication, my parents, and my own resolve. 

In high school I did no teasing of any sort to anyone as I had learned the error of my ways from elementary school. I felt much sympathy for those who received it, but otherwise I was one of the quietest kids around and received teasing myself just for being abnormally quiet and shy. As a result of this shyness, I had no meaningful interaction with the bigger girls that I was attracted to in high school *at all.* I didn't approach them, not out of fear of criticism from others, but out of lack of confidence in myself and my own self-loathing. Sadly enough, I have yet to date a single girl in my life. I've talked to a few (mostly over the internet unfortunately) but that is it. 

Anyways, sometime between Gr. 9-11, I don't remember when, I realized I had a "different" attraction then most other men when I encountered a lovely and flattering picture of CindyG in the most obscure place (a gaming group's website). I kept staring at it and uh... had feelings that I hadn't had before... :wubu: And naturally I began to look for more of this beautiful woman and found Cindy's Flabulous Homepage, which I greatly miss. Admiring Cindy, I realized what my body was and always will be attracted to with regards to a women's shape and size. Looking further into this "BBW" thing, I encountered Cat's House of Fun and lived there for a long time, following her blog and admiring her photographs (such a fun woman you are Cat!). I was in love with these two lovely women. :wubu: 

Eventually I explored further and found Dimensions, and I learned much more from its community and its collective knowledge about size admiration, size acceptance, and about myself. I lurked at Dimensions and eventually posted here and there when I felt I could, but I didn't become a big member of the community, and eventually I stopped posting and stopped checking the boards regularly. I'm not much of a socialite I guess.  However, since I never got around to saying it before I will say it now: Conrad, you have my eternal gratitude for creating Dimensions. Thank you so much. 

After my little fall out I didn't have much more personal development on the whole topic of size, but there is probably plenty to come since I've yet to enter the dreaded dating scene. *gulps* But my confidence is building and my outlook semi-positive. That's better then semi-negative.  Sometime this year I'll dip my foot into the water... 

Now, I've had plenty of debates with myself about the supposed issues with women of size such as potential health risks with the heavier among us, and I got myself pretty worked up about it, but in the end I am now content. I am more interested in a woman's mental, physical and spiritual health then anything else. Now I see physical beauty in a broad range amongst women. Like another member who posted in this thread, I admire slim and voluptuous forms as well as heavy and very heavy forms (I admit I lean towards heavy  ). Most of all, I admire the person within the skin. I want to find an intelligent, witty and caring woman to share my life with, to respect and to treat as a queen as she deserves. Mind you, I'm only 20 and I still have a lot of schooling to do so I may be jumping ahead of myself just a little bit. 

If you read, thanks for reading.


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## Jes (Jan 2, 2006)

You sound great, Thrifty (I read you back on the old boards too and you're sounding really good, now!). Go you.


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## Thrifty McGriff (Jan 2, 2006)

Aww shucks, thanks a lot.


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## olivefun (Jan 4, 2006)

Thrifty McGriff said:


> What a brilliant thread this is.
> 
> 
> Most of all, I admire the person within the skin. I want to find an intelligent, witty and caring woman to share my life with, to respect and to treat as a queen as she deserves. Mind you, I'm only 20 and I still have a lot of schooling to do so I may be jumping ahead of myself just a little bit.
> ...


 
Hello thrifty. 

You sound like you have the right attitude and no doubt some fantastic woman will appreciate the very things about you that you long to worship in another. 

We all do have different things that attract us to one another. 
The best advice I can give you is to make sure the people around you are given a fair chance to see the gifts you have contained in your shell. 
Even in a crazy town like Niagara Falls (where I go fairly often, one of my dearest friends lives in NOTL), it is possible to find some wonderful women. 

I have no doubt that you will be appreciated and soon. 

It gives me great pleasure to read your post, not for the inherent pain you obviously have endured, but the reflective way you assess where you find yourself. 

You are a treasure. 

Please share the details with us when the woman of your dreams does whisk you into a different phase of your life. 

You have to get out there first. 
Otherwise you won't ever meet her. 


Enjoy!


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## Jane (Jan 4, 2006)

About the poll....you know there are other alternatives. Adolescence comes to mind...


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## Miss Vickie (Jan 10, 2006)

Jane said:


> About the poll....you know there are other alternatives. Adolescence comes to mind...



Yup. I was a normal weight until adolescence when my weight started climbing, which is a pattern in my family. I was a scrawny little baby, only six pounds at birth, the smallest in my class (okay I'm still the shortest but still...) and the weight started coming on when I was about 12-14.


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## FitChick (Jan 12, 2006)

My history is pretty unusual, based on what I've read and heard from other men and women who are or were fat.

I started out life very thin, so much so that I was teased for it in school. I was raised by a mother who was always dieting, and so I grew up on diet foods (which didn't help my too-thinness!) I have issues with dieting, but not because I dieted myself. I just hated the way it seemed to take over my mother's life to the point where it was all she talked about (that, and soap operas).

I was very active in my teen years...I was a runner, cyclist, etc Very athletic, which again, did not help my too-thin body.

I started gaining serious weight after I got married in my early 20s. At my top weight I was slightly over 300. I was in all seriousness, happy that way. So was my husband. He actually married me when I was a size 16. I gave birth to three children when I was well over 225. So much for the myth that fat causes infertility.

I was never insulted or teased for being fat, that I can recall. I attribute this to my positive attitude about fat, but also to the fact that I was not a fat CHILD....I think those of us who were fat as children endured much more damage and self esteem problems, which makes sense. I have read many terrible stories online of people who were fat as children, and what they endured...and having met so many TRULY WONDERFUL people online in the fat acceptance movement, it broke my heart. Their experiences seemed far worse than anything I went through as a child for being skinny.

About 5 years ago I discovered NAAFA online while trying to help an online friend who suffers from anorexia. I'd done a websearch on "body issues" or something like that, and "fat acceptance" also popped up. Always being a bit of a controverisal and antisocial person, I latched onto fat acceptance as a cool cause to be in, since it seemed so radical and countercultural. And since I was by this time quite fat, I figured I'd fit right in.

Due to various factors in my life at the time, plus having seriously bought into the fat acceptance beliefs, I found myself actually losing weight. Fat acceptance said to me, Love your body as it is, don't diet, but DO eat healthy and move a lot, to show your body you love it". Okay, that sounded good to me. It also fit right in with some other things I was doing to treat a medical condition I had. SO, I did it.

I ended up losing about 150 lbs, maybe more by now (I don't know because I threw out my scale when I joined fat acceptance, lol). My dr keeps track of my weight every year or so.

Anyway, this created weird emotional feelings for me because unlike many women, I LIKED being a big woman. I reveled in the fact that it was countercultural to be fat and proud of it, and to dress sharp as I had begun doing. My mom says I am the only woman in history to dress to the nines when she's super sized, then dress in jeans and teeshirts when she loses all the weight. Its just that as a big woman, I felt I had something to "prove": that fat women CAN be beautiful and dress sharp. Now that I'm "normal" size, I don't feel I have anything to prove anymore.


I am thankful to fat acceptance for restoring to me the love of fitness I had as a teenager, and that I lost when life became too complicated and busy. Yes, fat acceptance gave that gift back to me. It also reminded me to love my body by taking care of it.


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## maxoutfa (Jan 14, 2006)

this is such an interesting thread. It has made me reminisce about my own awakenings. 

As Conrad posted so eliquently, it all comes down to sexual awakenings. I too used to trace pictures and add larger dimensions to them (unfortunately I'm a terrible artist). In most cases I began by enlarging breasts (and why is it that so many young men equate large breasts with sexuality? Some mother earth/fertility thing orwhatever). 

From my early drawings of enlarged breasts I began to fantasize that these women had taken some kind of breast enhancement pills, but then they backfired and the women began gaining all over (I have to point out that this was in the late 60's, way before all the lovely cartoons and stories about just that kind of fantasy - so it must be some kind of universal). The point is, my inner voice was telling me that large, and soft women were my icon for femininity and therefore sexy; while the media, and my peers and my family were all barraging me with the "there's something wrong with fat" mantra.
I was a somewhat skinny kid, but my parents and grandparents were on the heavy side and always going on diets and such, which further enforced the idea that being fat was somehow a bad thing.

So talk about being conflicted!! 

I have so many memories of being around groups of friends and such and having them mock the fat kids. Of course being an insecure kid and oh so very aware of peer pressure, I kept my thoughts to myself, while calling it a small victory that at least I wasn't actively participating in the name calling.

From a socialogical perspective the times, they were a changin'. Going from the Marilyn Monroe and Jane Mansfield icon to the leaner but just as endowed Racquel Welch - still with an emphasis on breast size. Then came the anti-sex with Twiggy, which I still believe to be more of a art/cultural phenominem than a statement about what was to be considered sexy. Somehow this led over time to the prevelent paradigm of model thinness equating to desire and sexuality. 

For my own realization of the fat prejudice I recall in high school there were two sisters who were considered "freaks" due to their both being big girls, tall and heavy set. They both had a streak of blond highlights at the front of their long brown hair, which further pointed to their oddity (this was 1972 - way before streaking became popular). I found them somewhat fascinating and alluring, although, as I mentioned, I was far too shy and insecure at the time to approach them. Still, it bothered me that the consensus just wrote them off.

I eventually dated a lovely girl who fit my ideal of sexiness, being somewhat chesty with nice curves. At 5'1 and 125 she was not fat, but not ultra thin either; which made her perfect for my high school parameters: cuddly enough for me while still being considered sexy enough for mass appeal. She taught me all kinds of lovely things about self esteem and peer pressure as she always considered herself too fat. That she was so sexy and could have been so dynamic if she wasn't conditioned into thinking less of herself because she wasn't a perfect size 6 was just too sad.

We parted ways when I went away to college, and it was there that I really got a taste for what size acceptance is all about. I started hanging with a girl who had mutual interests, and one thing leading to another, we ended up in bed. She was 5'10' and easily 225. I had such conflicted feelings for her - one one hand being so simpatico with her and enjoying the plumpness of her body, while on the other feeling somehow inadequite - like somehow I was selling myself short and could be doing better. I had no idea where these feelings came from (my upbringing to be sure), and I spent many introspective hours examining why I felt that way. I remember actually feeling embarassed at a party of old high school friends when I brought my zaftig friend along. There were some things said there by so called friends that were just not kind. It really opened my eyes about size discrimination. I ended up making a big display of my sexual attraction, playing kissy face with her in front of my "friends" just to show them that I didn't care what they thought.

From that point I realized that what sort of body type really appealed to me, and since it was headed in the opposite way from conventional thoughts of beauty (take a look at playboy centerfolds from the late 60 into the mid 70's and then look at the end of the 70's and early 80's and you'll see what I mean) - I was forced to come to terms with what I desired and realize that I was out of step with the masses. This became a fortress for me and with acceptance of my own differences I also came to accept that all people are different and that it is very wrong thinking to put a person down due to their size or for any other reason.


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## Les Toil (Jan 18, 2006)

Conrad, did you write that bio exclusively for this thread?? I'm confused. That's the kind of history one writes for a publicity junket or for the press. I'm extremely impressed. I mean, not just by how much effort you put into that thing (that is if you wrote it just for this thread), but of course by your breadth of acheivements as a size advocate. Not only that but for some reason I didn't know your position as a size advocate started as far back as the mid 80s. 

Maybe my memory fails me, but my earliest memory of size acceptance on a talk show was Candye Kane taking on this obnoxious fat bigot (who was actually fat himself) by showing him that fat can be sexy. Oh, and even before that, there was a man that put out these greeting cards that featured a nude SSBBW I think named Taylor. The discussion was, are these cards mocking fat people or were they erotic images intended to arrouse. Those were my first memories of "Fat is beautiful" on a tabloid show. It totally blossomed from there, with Rock Royce and Mendi Teats mooning and flashing the audiences of almost all the hot tabloid shows of the early 90s. 

And by the way, I recall being utterly fascinated by BBW magazine for one specific reason. They had swimwear features. Big women in swimwear. I had never ever EVER seen such a thing before and I *know* I hadn't seen that before in a magazine because the surge of excitement my body experienced from _seeing_ those images was something I wouldn't have forgotten. Realizing I was sexually attracted to those bathing beauties was the definining moment for me. 

Losing my virginity to a big girl opened the door to the party. BBW Magazine drew me in to the party. Dimensions Magazine found me a place on the couch. And PBW Magazine sat me down and convinced me to stay.


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## fatdude44 (Jan 18, 2006)

I was born fat, I live fat, and I'm probably gonna die because some cracka who knows I'm fat, better than you lardass, probably put a bullet in the back of my head.


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## Jes (Jan 19, 2006)

fatdude44 said:


> I was born fat, I live fat, and I'm probably gonna die because some cracka who knows I'm fat, better than you lardass, probably put a bullet in the back of my head.



Ok, was that one of the choices in the poll? Because I didn't see it....


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## Jane (Jan 25, 2006)

It was implied, I think. LOL


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## OpalBBW (Jan 27, 2006)

Well I've been fat for a long time. I remember buying boy's husky jeans when I was younger. I didn't realize back then that it was a bad thing. When I hit 5th grade and started getting teased about what I ate and what I was wearing I became aware. I lost alot of weight when I was around 15, so then the teasing ceased. I was still heavy though. Now I am around 200 lbs I guess, and I'm fine where I am. I ignore people.


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## Deidrababe (Jan 29, 2006)

I was not able to vote on this one....since, I was neither BORN fat or Became fat as an adult. I started to get fat when I was about 8 or 9. Until then, I was a SKINNY KID! LOL


The first picture.....I was 3 and a half. The second, I was 12 - so, it all happened, some where in between! LOL

Hugs to all!

Deidra 

View attachment firstdayofpreschool.JPG


View attachment 8thgrade.JPG


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## FitChick (Jan 30, 2006)

Deidrababe said:


> I was not able to vote on this one....since, I was neither BORN fat or Became fat as an adult. I started to get fat when I was about 8 or 9. Until then, I was a SKINNY KID! LOL
> 
> 
> The first picture.....I was 3 and a half. The second, I was 12 - so, it all happened, some where in between! LOL
> ...



Ha, I can top that! I was so skinny as a kid that the school nurse sent notes home, telling my mom I was "underweight" and she should "do something about it" (LOL)..I HATE choc milk to this day because my mom forcefed me it to fatten me up (didn't work).... I did a MUCH better fattening job myself later in life.


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## Recliner (Feb 2, 2006)

It wasn't till the August 2005 when I became an FA. I'm not exactly sure how I became one, though. Initially I was really into breast expansion then I moved on to giant growth then to muscle expansion and then finally fat growth. I'm still really curious why I feel the way I do. I think psychologically I feel 'safer' or 'protected' if I'm with a big girl, but I can't really be sure of that because I never have been with one. Hahaha, I sound like a freak.


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## OpalBBW (Feb 3, 2006)

Recliner said:


> It wasn't till the August 2005 when I became an FA. I'm not exactly sure how I became one, though. Initially I was really into breast expansion then I moved on to giant growth then to muscle expansion and then finally fat growth. I'm still really curious why I feel the way I do. I think psychologically I feel 'safer' or 'protected' if I'm with a big girl, but I can't really be sure of that because I never have been with one. Hahaha, I sound like a freak.


Aww you don't sound like a freak! But you won't know how you feel with a fat woman until you get with a BBW. :bow:


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## curt (Mar 1, 2006)

which just arrived via UPS yesterday, I am secretly delighted. The reason why, of course, is that Sally can't seem to fit in the Size 16s anymore! Nor the Size L sleeveless tops nor the XL exercise slacks with elastic waistbands. Five years ago she sported a Size 12. But that was many, many empty cookie tins ago, back when she would not have been so unself-conscious as to eat straight out of the Ben & Jerry's carton in public.

This package comes on the heels of my sugar smacks noting just this past weekend on how all her girlfriends who have become mothers in the last 2 years have regained their former figures (while she, the one who has remained pregnant-free, has packed on at least *25* pounds.)

Now I realize that I haven't even introduced myself, and this is only my second posting here in the newly improved Dim Forums, but I wanted to share today's news as a conclusion to my SA history. I usually start with the last page of books also.


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## OpalBBW (Mar 1, 2006)

curt said:


> which just arrived via UPS yesterday, I am secretly delighted. The reason why, of course, is that Sally can't seem to fit in the Size 16s anymore! Nor the Size L sleeveless tops nor the XL exercise slacks with elastic waistbands. Five years ago she sported a Size 12. But that was many, many empty cookie tins ago, back when she would not have been so unself-conscious as to eat straight out of the Ben & Jerry's carton in public.
> 
> This package comes on the heels of my sugar smacks noting just this past weekend on how all her girlfriends who have become mothers in the last 2 years have regained their former figures (while she, the one who has remained pregnant-free, has packed on at least *25* pounds.)
> 
> Now I realize that I haven't even introduced myself, and this is only my second posting here in the newly improved Dim Forums, but I wanted to share today's news as a conclusion to my SA history. I usually start with the last page of books also.



It's good that you're delighted by that fact.:eat1:


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## Arkveveen (Mar 1, 2006)

Although I haven't been through much, considering I am 18. But I technically have been through alot since I was 15 years to now. I managed to enlighten myself alot, no matter how hurt, or offended anti-fat things harmed me. I cried and even wanted to commit suicide! 
But, I managed to hang on to my beliefs, and managed to read things on BigFatBlog or here on Dimensions about the whole thing. I soon grew more wiser than my age, but, I hope I am not becoming arrogant. Yet, nothing can compensate for the lessons I have learned through my life. They are all of utmost value to me, and I will carry them with me till the end of sizism as well as all this "health" nonesense about fat.(I have to very much agree with the "be good to your fat and it will be good to you" qoute!)
My passion and love of fat grew bigger and bigger as I packed on the pounds during my life through 15-18. I refined it alongside all other of my interests, so it became a healthy fetish and passion eventually.
Now, I am a fat and happy BHM as well as FA. I am grateful for my interests, and beliefs. I would never throw them away, in the name of diversity and Size Acceptance as well as for the sake of myself. I will begin my search for my dream BBW here, and my impact on size acceptance will begin here on these boards!


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## curt (Mar 2, 2006)

Regarding going out for a special dinner on her birthday next week, today my plump pudding cupcake says, "I'd rather go to _Irazu_ (an inexpensive Costa Rican restaurant that is an old fave and we haven't been to in years) and then go to _Margie's _(a Chicago institution for "fountain creations") *and make a pig of myself*!" Then she laughs and says, "Well, you know what I mean...!"

This is the same girl who earlier this week suggested that the answer to her "spread" was *portion control *or *stepping away from the trough*!! I wisely said nothing but smiled.


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## moonvine (Mar 2, 2006)

curt said:


> This is the same girl who earlier this week suggested that the answer to her "spread" was *portion control *or *stepping away from the trough*!! I wisely said nothing but smiled.



Your girlfriend eats from a trough? Really? I prefer a plate, myself. Do yall actually take it with you into the restaurant?


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## curt (Mar 3, 2006)

in her own words, my wife.

The second time I met her, it was over breakfast.


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## Kingplaya4 (Mar 4, 2006)

I'm probably a good deal younger than most of you, so I don't have the complete handle on my feelings that most of you seem to have. I'm a 25 year old guy, and growing up I was always the thinnest kid in my class. I have a feeling that in some way this affected my later preference in women.

It may or may not surprise some of you, but as a skinny kid, I at least felt more tormented than any of the "fat" kids. Of course, I wasn't just your run of the mill skinny boy, I was pretty close to emaciated and only weighed 60 pounds at a normal height in junior high. I probably would be wrong to say that everyone in my class made fun of me, but they virtually all did, and this included even the "fat" girls and boys. I would even pad my weight by twenty pounds when the topic came up at that age, as it seemed to all too frequently for me.

I don't feel that I became bitter over the experience, but around 13 or 14 years old, I decided that being skinny was certainly a bad thing and one I wanted to avoid. My mom was always on a kick of serving us low calorie health food, but I began to snack on candy bars whenever I could, although with insanely fast metabolism that age all it did was take me from emaciated to very thin.

Later, I left home to attend boarding school for the last two years of high school and this allowed me to eat as many servings as I wanted, and buy more junk food out of my mothers sight. I remember being pleased junior year that I reached the milestone of 130 pounds (lol). But that was just a start I wanted to be able to really fill out my clothes and not be pushed around for being skinny anymore. I gained another forty pounds by mid senior year, but for my height of only 5'8 and small frame I looked at myself in the mirror and was displeased to see a big tire around my waist. I had gained about 80 pounds in two years and very little of it had been muscle. I dieted very heavily and worked out with weights and running the last part of that year and got down to 140 at which point I looked pretty good, but wanted to look better and took myself down to 130 and looked very ripped but decided to gain some weight to try to build some muscle size. I was never completely a workout animal, and didnt have great genetics for it, but managed to get myself up to a mostly muscle 170. I kept up with lifting most of time in college but since then lost great interest in it, and now range anywhere from 145 to 165. Although I would certainly like to be bigger and more muscular, I am mostly at peace with my body type now.

Sorry to carry so long about myself, I mostly meant to write about my interest in bigger girls, but I think a lot of it has to do with my own body type and view towards it. 

Going back to junior high, I found myself staring at the girls with thick thighs. I would not say I was the type to look at the biggest girls, but I certainly had a taste for chubbier than average girls. I ended up at a small high school and sex was a no no being I was at boarding school. I had a few "crushes" some were of thin girls, some were plump, although they always had nice full calves and thick thighs for their size. I was either considering myself as too thin or too chubby at various points in high school, so I never really made much effort at trying to date, figuring it was probably hopeless.

I had my first relationship at a summer camp I got a job at while I waited to start college, although I would hardly even consider her chubby, she outweighed me by fifteen pounds and had moderately curvy thighs, and that got me used to dating girls bigger than me.

College really set things in motion for me though. I have to say, earlier in life, most of the girls I had seen that I would have personally classified as "fat" tended at least in my view to be the ones who didn't have a pretty face either, and didn't tend to dress well or take care of themselves. But in college I saw girls of all sizes, and size had little or nothing to do with how pretty they were (at least in my view).

I also noticed that some girls I had met freshman year that had maybe had some interest in me and I had not really thought of "that way" filled out over the next year or two and went from plane Jane to hot. 

The standard of my ideal attraction I got then and now remain pretty much the same. I have nothing against 300+ pound women (and certainly find them more attractive than 100 pound women) but that goes a little beyond what I consider ideal. (Probably unecessary to add, but I know that many women on here are that size and I mean no disrespect) I usually found myself attracted to nice chubby young women with a nice sized ass and thighs maybe the size of twice what the average girl has. Of course weights vary, but for a girl around my height I think 190-200 is about perfect. 

Unfortunately for me, I tended to get rejected by girls of this size; they seemed to want bulkier men or something, or perhaps they felt it would be silly to be with a guy skinnier than them who knows. Of course looks aren't everything anyways, so I ended up dating girls a little thinner than my ideal.

I met my last relationship online, and she sent me pictures where she was about 200 pounds or so, and she seemed really sweet. I travelled to meet her and she actually turned out to be 260 at the time, but she was very beautiful and seemed sweet and that didn't matter to me. She ended up at 300 by the time we broke up. She had a lot of muscle so she looked lighter than this, but for sure she looked more than 200. She wasn't my ideal physically but I did find her very attractive, and her negative attitude towards her weight was more of a problem than her actual weight. I never once said she was bigger than what I wanted or mentioned her losing weight, in fact I discouraged her from it and told her how beautiful she was whenever she brought it up. It certainly wasn't the only reason we broke up, but her constant negativity over her body certainly didn't help things.

I'm not with anyone at the moment, but the relationship with my last ex certainly broadened my horizons in attraction. I still tend to most salivate towards girls of a certain size, but I would certainly date a woman up to 300 pounds if she was sweet and genuinely nice and we could get along. I also notice that I rarely find a girl thats around an average weight say like 5'7 150 really attractive since this relationship, so I guess my standards in size got revised upwards. Maybe that will continue, but one thing that bothers me about women over a certain size (yes I know 300 is just an arbitrary number) is the whole health and mobility issue. I like to be able to play basketball and be active with a girlfriend and that's something I'd hate to have to miss.

I have a feeling that I'm still young enough that some of my thoughts and attitudes and perhaps even attractions will continue to shift.

One thing I wanted to comment on before I finally end this diatribe is that its a real shame how people treat each other. It makes me very sad to hear what people went through in this thread. And its not only just a grade school thing, I hear people in their thirties and forties making such comments. I mean, I would never date a girl who was 100 pounds, I just wouldn't be able to be attracted to her, no matter how nice she was. But it doesn't mean I would insult her or make comments that would be mean and unecessary. It is very fortunate for us all that we are all attracted to different types, people should stop trying to force their own "type" on everyone else.

David


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## Kingplaya4 (Mar 4, 2006)

Sorry I knew it was getting long but didn't realize it would take up that much space. Mods feel free to edit or delete if its too excessive.

David


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## Kingplaya4 (Mar 4, 2006)

I'm probably a good deal younger than most of you, so I don't have the complete handle on my feelings that most of you seem to have. I'm a 25 year old guy, and growing up I was always the thinnest kid in my class. I have a feeling that in some way this affected my later preference in women.

It may or may not surprise some of you, but as a skinny kid, I at least felt more tormented than any of the "fat" kids. Of course, I wasn't just your run of the mill skinny boy, I was pretty close to emaciated and only weighed 60 pounds at a normal height in junior high. I probably would be wrong to say that everyone in my class made fun of me, but they virtually all did, and this included even the "fat" girls and boys. I would even pad my weight by twenty pounds when the topic came up at that age, as it seemed to all too frequently for me.

I don't feel that I became bitter over the experience, but around 13 or 14 years old, I decided that being skinny was certainly a bad thing and one I wanted to avoid. My mom was always on a kick of serving us low calorie health food, but I began to snack on candy bars whenever I could, although with insanely fast metabolism that age all it did was take me from emaciated to very thin.

Later, I left home to attend boarding school for the last two years of high school and this allowed me to eat as many servings as I wanted, and buy more junk food out of my mothers sight. I remember being pleased junior year that I reached the milestone of 130 pounds (lol). But that was just a start I wanted to be able to really fill out my clothes and not be pushed around for being skinny anymore. I gained another forty pounds by mid senior year, but for my height of only 5'8 and small frame I looked at myself in the mirror and was displeased to see a big tire around my waist. I had gained about 80 pounds in two years and very little of it had been muscle. I dieted very heavily and worked out with weights and running the last part of that year and got down to 140 at which point I looked pretty good, but wanted to look better and took myself down to 130 and looked very ripped but decided to gain some weight to try to build some muscle size. I was never completely a workout animal, and didnt have great genetics for it, but managed to get myself up to a mostly muscle 170. I kept up with lifting most of time in college but since then lost great interest in it, and now range anywhere from 145 to 165. Although I would certainly like to be bigger and more muscular, I am mostly at peace with my body type now.

Sorry to carry so long about myself, I mostly meant to write about my interest in bigger girls, but I think a lot of it has to do with my own body type and view towards it. 

Going back to junior high, I found myself staring at the girls with thick thighs. I would not say I was the type to look at the biggest girls, but I certainly had a taste for chubbier than average girls. I ended up at a small high school and sex was a no no being I was at boarding school. I had a few "crushes" some were of thin girls, some were plump, although they always had nice full calves and thick thighs for their size. I was either considering myself as too thin or too chubby at various points in high school, so I never really made much effort at trying to date, figuring it was probably hopeless.

I had my first relationship at a summer camp I got a job at while I waited to start college, although I would hardly even consider her chubby, she outweighed me by fifteen pounds and had moderately curvy thighs, and that got me used to dating girls bigger than me.

College really set things in motion for me though. I have to say, earlier in life, most of the girls I had seen that I would have personally classified as "fat" tended at least in my view to be the ones who didn't have a pretty face either, and didn't tend to dress well or take care of themselves. But in college I saw girls of all sizes, and size had little or nothing to do with how pretty they were (at least in my view).

I also noticed that some girls I had met freshman year that had maybe had some interest in me and I had not really thought of "that way" filled out over the next year or two and went from plane Jane to hot. 

The standard of my ideal attraction I got then and now remain pretty much the same. I have nothing against 300+ pound women (and certainly find them more attractive than 100 pound women) but that goes a little beyond what I consider ideal. (Probably unecessary to add, but I know that many women on here are that size and I mean no disrespect) I usually found myself attracted to nice chubby young women with a nice sized ass and thighs maybe the size of twice what the average girl has. Of course weights vary, but for a girl around my height I think 190-200 is about perfect. 

Unfortunately for me, I tended to get rejected by girls of this size; they seemed to want bulkier men or something, or perhaps they felt it would be silly to be with a guy skinnier than them who knows. Of course looks aren't everything anyways, so I ended up dating girls a little thinner than my ideal.

I met my last relationship online, and she sent me pictures where she was about 200 pounds or so, and she seemed really sweet. I travelled to meet her and she actually turned out to be 260 at the time, but she was very beautiful and seemed sweet and that didn't matter to me. She ended up at 300 by the time we broke up. She had a lot of muscle so she looked lighter than this, but for sure she looked more than 200. She wasn't my ideal physically but I did find her very attractive, and her negative attitude towards her weight was more of a problem than her actual weight. I never once said she was bigger than what I wanted or mentioned her losing weight, in fact I discouraged her from it and told her how beautiful she was whenever she brought it up. It certainly wasn't the only reason we broke up, but her constant negativity over her body certainly didn't help things.

I'm not with anyone at the moment, but the relationship with my last ex certainly broadened my horizons in attraction. I still tend to most salivate towards girls of a certain size, but I would certainly date a woman up to 300 pounds if she was sweet and genuinely nice and we could get along. I also notice that I rarely find a girl thats around an average weight say like 5'7 150 really attractive since this relationship, so I guess my standards in size got revised upwards. Maybe that will continue, but one thing that bothers me about women over a certain size (yes I know 300 is just an arbitrary number) is the whole health and mobility issue. I like to be able to play basketball and be active with a girlfriend and that's something I'd hate to have to miss.

I have a feeling that I'm still young enough that some of my thoughts and attitudes and perhaps even attractions will continue to shift.

One thing I wanted to comment on before I finally end this diatribe is that its a real shame how people treat each other. It makes me very sad to hear what people went through in this thread. And its not only just a grade school thing, I hear people in their thirties and forties making such comments. I mean, I would never date a girl who was 100 pounds, I just wouldn't be able to be attracted to her, no matter how nice she was. But it doesn't mean I would insult her or make comments that would be mean and unecessary. It is very fortunate for us all that we are all attracted to different types, people should stop trying to force their own "type" on everyone else.

David


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## Rubybbw (Mar 4, 2006)

saucywench said:


> I thought it would be a good idea to start this thread to learn how we all (OK, those of you who bother to respond) came to this particular community. I've heard many responses from FAs over the years, both on the old boards and in chat, of how they came to realize they were an FA, but I'd like a little more info here. I'd like to hear from both men and women of the background of your awareness of size acceptance, how that brought you to seek out venues such as this, the level of your involvement in SA, and the impact it has made upon your lives.
> 
> 11/25/2005
> _Note: I returned last night to respond to my own post, finally. I had composed a rather lengthy, comprehensive, and more eloquent response but, when it was time to preview changes, discovered that I had lost my cable connection and, consequently, everything I had written--major bummer. Nonetheless, I have tried to recompose in essence those same thoughts below._
> ...



I'm probably not doing the "right" thing by replying to your post here, but I couldn't help feeling so much sympathy for you. I've experienced much of the same feelings as you have and lots more than you could get in here, I'm sure.

Great thread.

Hugs,

Ruby


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## Rubybbw (Mar 4, 2006)

I'm probably not doing the "right" thing by replying to your post here, but I couldn't help feeling so much sympathy for you. I've experienced much of the same feelings as you have and lots more than you could get in here, I'm sure.

Great thread.

Hugs,

Ruby


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## saucywench (Mar 5, 2006)

Rubybbw said:


> I'm probably not doing the "right" thing by replying to your post here, but I couldn't help feeling so much sympathy for you. I've experienced much of the same feelings as you have and lots more than you could get in here, I'm sure.
> 
> Great thread.
> 
> ...


 
Aww, thanks for replying to my post, Ruby, that means a lot to me. 

I'm sure that we all share so many commonalities...it would be wonderful to get all of the Dim ladies and have an extended sleepover of sorts where we could stay up all night sipping cocoa (or wine!) and sharing our stories. Still, it's great that Conrad has made this venue available to us where we can approximate that feeling of intimacy as best we can. And I'm sure that most folks here would love to hear any personal stories that you'd be willing to share of your own experiences.

Hugs back, and pass one on to Conrad for me, will you?

Cindy


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## olivefun (Mar 5, 2006)

David, 
thanks for taking the time to write the long post. It takes a tremendous amount to spill so much here.
There is a lot I want to say to you.
I guess the big thing is that the numbers don't really mean a lot. You rattle of lots of them, the amount you weighed, the amount your ideal woman weighs. Many of us don't feel comfortable sharing that info. Lately I weigh about 320 and am very active, go swimming and dancing and ride a bike as my primary mode of transportation when the temperature permits. I love to move my flesh.
Be open, which it sounds like you are being from your missive. 
If I were an FA, I would likely find the self-loathing hard to take that I have encountered with many women of my size. 
Keep beginning and believing, you will no doubt make a wonderful woman happy. A part of being human is the ability to surprise and be delighted too.
:kiss2:


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## Kingplaya4 (Mar 5, 2006)

Olive,

Thanks for responding. Yeah, I did spill a lot here, it's kind of funny, but some of it I guess I realized before but never fully comprehended until I actually wrote it down. (If that makes any sense).

I'm honestly not really hung up on numbers, like if I happened to find out somehow a girl was above or below what I stated as ideal it really wouldn't matter to me. I guess the one thing I'm not completely settled on is what exactly is my ideal, and numbers give me a mental picture of what I want. So it has nothing to do with the number, its what the number represents in my mind.

I mean if I was dating a girl yeah I'd probably be curious what she weighed, but I probably wouldn't ask her for months because for one it might embarass her, and two although I'd be lying to say it meant zero to me it really isn't that important.

If you'd like to write me any more feel free to email at [email protected].


Later,

David


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## blackdog (Mar 6, 2006)

I haven't had a chance to read through all the threads, but there is no limit to my SA. It's mental rather than physical to me.
a confident BBW comfortable with her and a little attitude is attractive to me. I've been with women 300+, it was there attitude that pulled me in, comfortable and confident.

As for someone else, I think the same applies, long as your happy ,comfortable and accept yourself, it's all good.


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## Make_Lunch_Not_War (Mar 18, 2006)

This thread really got me thinking about when it was that I discovered that I was an FA. I always thought it began in fifth grade when I had a crush on a girl named Laura who was just about the fattest girl in my entire fifth-grade.

However, after thinking hard about this, something remarkable happened to me as I recalled an incident which happened to me when I was about eight years old which I am beginning to wonder how much of an effect it had on making me an FA.

In short, I was verbally or perhaps I should say emotionally molested by an older BBW.

Again, I say that this is remarkable because I had completely forgotten about this incident until now and I'm still trying to sort out my feelings as I write this.

At the time of this incident, I was a research patient in something called The Institute of Muscle Disease in the upper West side of Manhattan. Without getting into all the details, suffice to say that I --and a few other kids like me-- would live there year-round while they used us as human guinea pigs in hopes of finding a cure for our muscle/nerve related diseases. Anyway, as all of us research patients were young boys under the age of 12, occasionally you would get people on the outside who would volunteer to spend time with us once a week and play games, watch TV or just sit and talk. One of these volunteers was a 19 year old heavyset girl, as I remember it, who used to always look at me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't think anything about this until one day when I was alone in my bedroom playing with matchbox cars (I used to have a kick-ass collection back then) when she started talking to me about making a birthday card together for one of the staff people. I asked her why she only wanted to involve me in this project and not the others when she started telling me about how much she loved me and how she found me very attractive and did so ever since the first time she met me!

Needless to say I found this very strange and made it a point to avoid her whenever she would visit us as a volunteer.

Now that I look back at the situation, I remember something a psychologist acquaintance once told me that sexual fetishes are frequently formed as a result of the first sexual experience we have being of an unusual nature. Well, the incident I described above was certainly my first sexual experience and it was definitely unusual so I can't help but wonder if that molestation made me the FA that I am today.


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## Chimpi (Mar 19, 2006)

My oh my those are not only interesting stories, but LONG ones. I don't think I've read so much in a very, very long time. Thanks for sharing everybody. I am going to put my story in, and I do apologize, I have to put it into 2 seperate posts because it is so long. So, bare with me.

The historical adventures of Chimpi.

Well it all begins, June 26, 1984. I popped out of my moms _Yoohoo_. Sorry, but it is the truth. For those of you who have come from the Stork, I commend you in the less-painfull fashion. Anyway. Moving on. I was born into the family of 3 people, a mother, a father, and a brother. The mother and father were both hippies, and neither one of them large in any way. The brother, long story short, has never been large (except once Chubby). The motherly figure and the fatherly figure raised Chimpi very well, methinks. I have come such a far distance from where I thought I'd be and from where I was.
I was born and raised in Marshall, Michigan. To the said family. Throughout the years of living there, I was a big kid. I wasn't necessarily fat, just sorta-kinda chubby. The older I got, the chubbier/fatter I became. My mother started gaining a lot of weight too. During the time of late Elementary School, early Middle School, I started gaining more weight. I wasn't necessarily obese, but definately a fat boy.  I remember one of my best friends, Rob, would make fun of me, from time to time. One situation stands out from others. My father had purchased a basketball hoop for our garage, because my brother and I (and friends as well) loved to play. I remember not getting any shots in it one day playing with my brother, who happens to be named Kris, by the way, and with my friend, Rob. Well, I was back, waiting for one of them to throw me the ball to try and do _Nothin'-but-net_ again, when Rob threw the ball, and it zoomed passed me. His exact words were, "I bet if it was a hamburger you'd catch it." I was shocked.
It didn't really offend me too much. But, it was nonetheless shocking. I started to become insecure. Not just because of the weight, but because I was a smart kid who was always copied off of and who was teased every now and then about the weight from the "cool kids"... you know, the ones that beat up the other kids and insulted every person they could find. Yeah, those cool kids.
So anyway, my mom I would say was at least 300 pounds by Middle School years. I always thought she was beautiful. We never talked about the weight issue, that I could remember, but I wasn't the healthiest little butthead. I dreaded gym class, because we had to run, and we had TESTS on stretches. The farther you could stretch, the better score you were given in class. That's just not right...
I liked a few girls from that period, but none were really fat for our age. Just cute.  I'm not into the "hot" girls, and never was.
So then the big thing happened - the parents divorced. I was given a choice, since my brother and I were 10 years or older (I was 11, he was 13). We either would choose to continue living in Michigan with our father, then move with him a year later to Ohio where we would live with him and his new wife... or, we could choose Florida, to live with mom and her new husband. Yeah, what kind of decision is that!? Talk about pressure...
So, we chose dad for the time being. Long story short, one summer, on vacation down to Florida to visit mom and said step-father, we decided to stay in Florida. The father figure got extremely upset. I am the sensitive brother, my brother is the overly protective one. My father put me in the middle of it, and my brother went off on him (over the phone of course). And, since then, since I was 12 years old, I have not spoken a word to my father, and vice versa.
So ends that part of the story. Really has nothing to do with Size Acceptance (not directly anyway). So the moral of that part is, I now lived with my mom, and never visited my father. Just to clear it up, it was my brothers and my decision to stay in Florida. We were on the way to the airport....

Now, my mom being the woman she is, is extremely accepting. She was (and still is... in a way) a psychologist. She was a hippy. She did not support war. She does not support guns in a home with children. She does not support the death penalty. She supports womens rights and womens choice. And, since I lived with her, and learned under her, that is how I am. Not only that, but I do not judge others, unless I get to know them. There's always a limit for me, as an individual, on what I can and cannot take from a person. Anyway. I was still a hefty kid. I loved to eat. I knew that. My brother gained some weight, to become chubby, because he was so depressed from the divorce situation that he dropped out of school and lived at home, all day and every day, without friends.
So I lived with a large mother, and with a chubby brother. I did not see a problem with it. The older I became, the more I became friends with everybody in school - the computer nerds, the goths, the teenyboppers, the band nerds (of course, I was a major band nerd), the gangsters, the whiggers, whatever area you can possibly think of, I had friends there. So I was fairly well liked. No one really went against me. I think a lot of it had to do with my size (because I was always taller than everybody, and was still fat). I was a very quiet and shy person in school. I never ate lunch, and I never talked in or out of class throughout the rest of Middle School. I hardly even talked in band class. Weird.
So anyways, I still have yet a ways to go.
Back in my Middle School years was when I started getting a lot of friends, but not necessarily ones that I would hang out with (outside of school and band rehearsals and such). I would usually come home and get on the computer and play games. Well, come 7th grade, I started looking online. I became very aware of the internet community, and learned my way around quite well. I became a vivd see-er of all things internet. And then, one day, I'm not sure what season or what day of the week or exactly what year, but I looked up something to the effect of "Fat Women".
Now, as I said, I was in band. In band class, there was this clarinet girl, named Danielle, who was extremely large for our age. I didn't even know it, but looking back now, I don't think I've ever had a bigger crush on anybody. She was absolutely gorgeous, in a cute sort of way. Again, I am not attracted to "Hot". Cute is better.
She was easily obese for our age and size range. Anyway. So, I discovered many, many online sites that dealt with the fat proportions of women. A few being, Dimensions Magazine (of course), Cindy G's Flabulous Site, SSBBW Anna's Homepage, and others. Those were the first ones off of the top of my head that I can easily remember. That's where it all started.

I would really like to do a Moulin Rouge effect here. Zoom through the motion and get the point across in a fast and informative manner, but I cannot. So, I'll continue on the path I have chosen.
I learned of the terms "BBW" and "SSBBW" quickly. I thought they were snappy and cool. I did not speak a word of it to anybody in my family or any friends at all. It was my little secret. My get-away.

Throughout many, many years, I have seem many, many sites. I was disappointed when Cindy G stopped updating her site. (Boo, Cindy) I remember the old Dimensions Board, a long time ago. I did not Register, nor did I really read too many "posts", but I certainly did watch. It was interesting. A community of people who supported the way they were! Now that's what I was talking about.

Okay, so 8th grade passes. I still liked Danielle. Never acted upon it. I was way too extremely shy, and not even open to the idea of dating any girl, especially a "fat one". ... Stupid me. If only...

So 9th grade comes along, high school. My oh my, high school.
The great thing I remember about 9th-10th grade was 1 girl - Rachel Goldman. Who was 2 years older than I was. But a very good size hispanic girl. Man I had a crush on her. Again, I never acted upon it, but boy oh boy did I like her. She had no idea. I had never, and still haven't, spoken a word to her. I would go throughout the first year of high school scoping out the larger ladies in the school. Some not-so-large, some extremely large (who of course were all older than I was). This all lead directly back to me being insecure about myself. Was I ever to figure out what the hell was going on?
I would still go home and look for updates on any sites that I visited. Some days there were lots, some not so many.
This is the chapter in my life where a lot of life was cut-off, and a lot of life was fullfilling. The cut-off parts were the family, and the fullfilling was band, of course. Ha. I had so many friends in band class, that it is rediculous. Then, I would go home, and not utter a word to my brother or much to my mother. None of us really talked to each other. So I'd stay in my room and go on my computer and live inside my head. I never spoke about this "FA" or "BBW" thing I had learned about.


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## Chimpi (Mar 19, 2006)

There were a few big girls in high school that I liked, but I never had the courage to ask any of them out until 12th, yes 12th, grade. She is someone that I'll never forget, in a good and a bad way. We went out for 1 week. Exactly 1 week. I learned nothing. I got nothing out of it, other than knowing that I preferred bigger girls. That started the second half of the learning. High school ended, and I had only been with her. Not only that, but she was the only one that I even talked to. Danielle went to my high school, but she got down to the size of a grape. I was extremely disappointed. Had she stayed the way she was, I think I would have definately asked her out a LOT sooner. Oh well.
Not to mention I got my nickname, Chimpi, from my Chemistry and AP Chemistry teacher, Ms. Chipi, who happened to be a chubby BBW Cuban lady who I had a huge crush on. I think one of the main reasons I went from Chemistry to AP Chemistry and not into Physics was so I could have another year with her. I'm a stinker...

So I took a year off after high school. This year was filled with a few things - Playing America's Army online ALL the time, putting up a profile on Match.com, and learning more about size acceptance. Not that I knew anything about it too much as it was... Anytime I would go on Match.com, I would always search for the bigger women, whatever age. I was determined to be happy. I now knew what I liked, and was getting quite comfortable with it. Not only that, but I was still large myself.

That's another story. I was in marching band, concert band, symphonic band, and jazz band. You'd think I'd be skinny, but I sure wasn't. I was one of the biggest kids in my school in band. Hehe. I didn't mind, but I was still quite insecure about it, marching around the field with fat moving around. It really is hard to deal with sometimes - especially when you easily get out of breath and you have a trumpet solo to play.
Back in Middle School, I first heard about Drum & Bugle Corps. I learned MUCH more about it throughout High School, and was determined to someday march and be the best I could be... So, I worked my ASS off in High School in my music section. I was easily one of the best players in the county, if not the state. I never made All-State, but I always had a really bad day at tryouts. Oh well. I never lost any weight throughout high school. Not a pound, methinks.
One day, I heard that Magic Of Orlando Drum & Bugle Corps was coming back. They had taken off a few years, I guess because of not having any finances. I was excited. They centered in Orlando, Florida, which was the closest good-and-yet-not-so-good Drum Corps. Boston Crusaders did most of their camps and tryouts in Miami, which was much closer, but I wasn't ready for them. I wanted experience first. So, I tried out for Magic, and made upper-lead part. Wow, that was great. Playing the top part on lead my first year, with about 24 other trumpet players in the section. That was great. Not only that, but I knew my marching, and I knew my marching well. However, I was one of the biggest kids in the Corps. There were people counting on me to lose weight and get in shape to be one of the best... one notably as Ben Harloff. A very, very reknowned horn player (featured soloist in Blast!). It was too much. I had school, my home life, AP class/test, and DCI all to deal with, and it was too much. I was such a hard worker, but it was too much. I broke down. I couldn't take it. I broke down, got a 1 on my AP test, passed school with C's (which I hate), dropped out of DCI, and just shut myself off.
So the year after comes about, and I was so insecure, so depressed, so unsure, that I cut everything off. Friends thought I'd died. I didn't talk to anybody. I had AIM names that nobody knew who I was. I would just watch people all day long, that is if I was not playing America's Army. And I searched on Match.com all the time. I always searched for Big ladies. I was very attracted to them. I had seen so many sites by then online, and learned of so many people that I still look up to (Cindy G, AnnMarie, Heather, Anne, and many more) very much. But again, I was in my own world. I had no one to express it to (no ones fault but my own). So, there was one day, I came across a girl I thought was decently attractive on Match.com, and I decided to Mail her. I think she was the first I went after. I didn't think I was good enough for her. She seemed stuck-up, but hey, a guys gotta start somewhere with the big ladies, right? So, I went after her, and VERY long story short, she's Erin, the one I am still with. 
She didn't open me up to anything BBW or any of this online community or size acceptance. I actually informed her of it. She was planning on getting the gastric bypass surgery, but decided not to since I have raised her self-esteem to such high levels.  I'm glad for that.

I've learned that, just from learning on my own, that I have come so far, and can teach a world of good stuff, but have so much still to learn. I do not know if she is the one I will end up marrying, and I have told her that. She is/was my first real relationship, and it has been 2 1/2 years. I know I'm too inexperienced to know. I know that much.
Not only that, but I now work full-time, have mended my hard working skills to very good standards, and like who I am very much. On my year off, I was down to about 180 pounds. Now, I'm back up to about 280 pounds. I didn't eat. Now, I do. I eat very well. I love to eat. Why change that?
However, I do have one thought for a job I wouldn't mind ... something in the army. I won't go into detail. But, it's always there, and I do have a huge urge to get into extraordinary shape to become this, so that I can be as good as anybody at it. It's always an option...
I have never outright told my co-workers that I like fat women. For that matter, they haven't asked. But, every last one of them has seen Erin, and has seen another girl I had interest in (who isn't as big as Erin, but still a size 26/28), so I think they have some idea.  I'd be glad to say "Yes" to a question of "Do you like fat women or something?". *shrugs* Only one co-worker, a very, very sweet lady, has a link to my MySpace, where I'm very open about myself. Feel free to read if you like.

I am still growing. Still unwinding. My Size Acceptance history is still in the making. All I know is, I have a long way to go.

And now, this January, I got internet back (I had been without it for 2 years), courtesy of my mom as a Christmas gift (4 months of DSL), and I decided to join Dimensions Forum (which had gotten its new look), and now I get to communicate with the very people I admire. The very people I want to get to know, and to help grow with. Who knows...


I think I'm done now. Thank you for reading.

That is *Chimpi's* _Eptic Tale_.
Please send all donations to my Rep box!  Kidding of course.

By the way, there's no way I could get away with a longer story. I once explained it in real life to a girl I had interest in, and it took 3 hours... to explain the whole situation orally. That was insane. There's no way I'm typing it all out. 

Again, I apologize for having to put it into 2 posts.


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## Egbert Souse (Mar 19, 2006)

I'm glad this thread rolled around again.

Back in November when Saucy originally posed the question, i interpretted "SA history" as meaning when we first discovered a size acceptance _organization_, so my own history started when i was well into my 20's.

I seem to have misinterpretted.
As far as when i discovered my attraction to females of substance, that occured at the same time i discovered i was attracted to females, which was considerably before my 20's. I think the only strong attraction i still have that came to me any earlier was my attraction to great music, which happened equally automatically (or "from within", if you will).

I regret my confusion.


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## saucywench (Mar 19, 2006)

Egbert Souse said:


> I'm glad this thread rolled around again.
> 
> Back in November when Saucy originally posed the question, i interpretted "SA history" as meaning when we first discovered a size acceptance _organization_, so my own history started when i was well into my 20's.
> 
> ...


No worries, Egbert; I'm glad you made it back over here, regardless.

Part of the problem is that, in wanting to learn from visitors to these forums how it was that they arrived here (and their personal history behind that), I had to pose my query in broad terms. Judging from the responses to the original post, I don't seem to have been too far off the mark, which is great. I think we can learn a lot from one another through our shared commonalities, although we each bring our own unique experiences to the table.

One thing I do regret is my exclusion in my poll of what seems to be a significant portion of our community. I only realized later that I was too narrow with my selections. When I used the two choices of either being born fat or becoming fat as an adult, I was coming from my own experience--that of being fat my whole life. Because of that, I was subjected to ridicule and taunting from a very early and impressionable age, which I feel played a major role in my development. I contrast that to those who became fat in adulthood--people who were allowed a (more or less) normal development. I think the differences are significant in how the two groups view (or, before discovering size acceptance, viewed) themselves and their relation to everything outside of themselves. Or maybe it's just me, as there are other factors aside from fat that contributed to me feeling like an outsider. Nevertheless, I left out a significant portion of fat folks who became fat during other periods of development, from toddler to adolescent to teen. It wasn't my intention to exclude these people, I mainly wanted to get some visual representation of what I see as a significant difference--those who went through their most significant periods of development relatively unscathed by comments because they were not yet fat, and those of us whose development was hampered significantly as a result of such unprovoked and harsh comments. Suffice to say, those I unintentionally excluded have their own stories to tell, and perhaps it is their "in-between" stories where I might find some answers.


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## Egbert Souse (Mar 19, 2006)

saucywench said:


> Or maybe it's just me, as there are other factors aside from fat that contributed to me feeling like an outsider.



Naturally, being an "it's always about me"-type person, i zeroed in on the FA experience.

It's not just you, though. No doubt, the varying histories of individuals plays a big roll in shaping (no puns intended) all this, i've had this discussion with others for a good many years and the concensus seems to be that the chronology is a significant factor.
(sorry that's such a convoluted sentence but it's too early to figure out how to clean it up).

In short, i think you're onto something.


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## Egbert Souse (Mar 19, 2006)

Role....ROLE!

(maybe it was an intentional pun in a kinda unintentional Freudian way)


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## saucywench (Mar 19, 2006)

Chimpi said:


> One situation stands out from others. My father had purchased a basketball hoop for our garage, because my brother and I (and friends as well) loved to play. I remember not getting any shots in it one day playing with my brother, who happens to be named Kris, by the way, and with my friend, Rob. Well, I was back, waiting for one of them to throw me the ball to try and do _Nothin'-but-net_ again, when Rob threw the ball, and it zoomed passed me. His exact words were, "I bet if it was a hamburger you'd catch it." I was shocked.
> It didn't really offend me too much. But, it was nonetheless shocking. I started to become insecure. Not just because of the weight, but because I was a smart kid who was always copied off of and who was teased every now and then about the weight from the "cool kids"... you know, the ones that beat up the other kids and insulted every person they could find. Yeah, those cool kids.


First off, Chimpi, thank you for your thoughtful and detailed post. Please don't apologize for the length, as this was just the sort of response I was aiming for.

I selected to quote the part of your story above because I think it is illustrative of a point I wanted to make. Yes, I know that there are innumerable ways that kids can be cruel to one another, ways that aren't related in any way to size or weight. I certainly don't condone bullying or taunting in any form (I might add that I am loathe to witness this in adults, as well), nor do I dismiss the fact that people who are not fat have childhood traumas that they struggle with in adulthood. However, this is a size acceptance forum, and it is within those parameters that I want to make my point.

The point being, you seem to want to downplay the impact of the thoughtless and cruel remark that your brother made. You say that (at the time, presumably) it "didn't really offend me too much." Yet, you were shocked. And you followed this with the remark that you started to become insecure. I think this is very telling, inasmuch as to how what may seem like offhand and casual remarks can influence our self-esteem, especially during a pivotal time in our development.

There is so much that I want to say in response to this; so much that I am overwhelmed, and at a loss as to where to begin. Primarily, it angers me deeply that such unprovoked ridicule is so widely accepted, and is virtually considered as a "rite of passage." It is hard enough as an adolescent or teen to find our way without such negative influences. The differences in types of ridicule, though, are profound. Most nonfat children are able to shake off torments suffered during their development and advance into adulthood, as I mentioned, relatively unscathed. They exhibit no outward signs of having been so victimized. Yet fat children, fat adolescents, or fat teens remain subject to ridicule far into adulthood. How many of us can continue to shake such things off and appear unaffected by it? Speaking for myself, it took me years and years of introspection, coupled with my introduction to this community, before I was able to recognize that the problem lay not within myself, as I had accepted for so long, but within those who felt compelled to put me down to build themselves up. And, even with that recognition, it is still a battle to overcome. The one advantage that I can claim through this road to self-acceptance is that I can now more easily equate those who, in adulthood, continue in their (societally acceptable) intolerance of people who happen to be of larger mass with those of small minds and smaller hearts. It is from this viewpoint that I make my decisions on whether people are worth getting to know or not. Sad to say, the older I get, the fewer people there are that I feel are worth knowing. I don't consider this realization as cynical so much as it is realistic.


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## Chimpi (Mar 19, 2006)

saucywench said:


> First off, Chimpi, thank you for your thoughtful and detailed post. Please don't apologize for the length, as this was just the sort of response I was aiming for.
> 
> I selected to quote the part of your story above because I think it is illustrative of a point I wanted to make. Yes, I know that there are innumerable ways that kids can be cruel to one another, ways that aren't related in any way to size or weight. I certainly don't condone bullying or taunting in any form (I might add that I am loathe to witness this in adults, as well), nor do I dismiss the fact that people who are not fat have childhood traumas that they struggle with in adulthood. However, this is a size acceptance forum, and it is within those parameters that I want to make my point.
> 
> ...



Thank you for enjoying it.  It didn't take too long. *shrugs* Plus, it was a very short version.. heh

Also, it was not my brother that said that comment to me, it was my friend, Rob. I'm not sure if he was mad at me, or he was just having fun, or whatever, but he said it anyway. Yes, it was shocking, because he had never said it to me before. I didn't exactly keep playing basketball at that point. It wasn't "Accepted" from me. I continued to clobber his butt in wrestling when we wrestled.  

But you are right, ridicule, even out of the parameters of fat children, teenagers, young adults, and adults happens all-too-often. But, as a simple connection, you cannot have the good without the bad. There has to be ridicule in order to grow. Look at all the responses so far, not only in this thread, but all over the boards. Look at the fat nicknames thread. Almost everybody has been made fun of for being overweight. It just... is.

I can speak only from my point of view, and I respect my own point of view. Yes, it did start to make me feel insecure. It wasn't what triggered everything, it was just the first insult in that area that I had been given. There were just a FEW others made by other kids in Middle School that said it, but again, most kids liked me, so no one really made fun of me. If they did, it was because I was a band nerd. My view has always been "Take me as I am or get the **** out of my face.", to sum it up. I'm not the type that's going to snap back and lash out for insulting me, but I'll just walk away or go about my business. I have better things to do.
"Hey, fatso. LOSE SOME WEIGHT."
Oh MY GOD!!! YOU HAVE SUCH A CREATIVE INSULT. Holy ****, I've never been called fatso before. Oh man. You sure are smart.

... That's how I always think out the outcome of an insult. Of course, that's what makes me so strong-willed, is the ability to shake it off. Of course I'll think about what they said, because everybody is a human being, but those who insult have absolutely nothing to debate about, and shouting back at them or lashing out just isn't worth it. It's not going to make them wake up. Sooner or later, they'll mess with the wrong person, and something will happen, but until then, they're a useless cause.


To be honest, I've never witnessed kids making fun of a fat woman in public. I've never had the pleasure of it, and I say pleasure, because if I did, I wouldn't let it go. There would be a random outburst by yours-truly. Just to help defend that woman. A man I might help, but I dunno. I do not belittle woman. I'm intimidated by a lot of woman, and a lot of men, but I'm not attracted to men. 

The fact is, life is going to stay it's course. Fat kids are going to be made of because they're fat. The sad part is, the parents aren't necessarily doing a great job if the kids remain depressed because of it. Sure, the kids at school can affect another kid because of the weight issue, and cause extreme insecureness, but, without the parents help, the kid will become another lost cause. They'll look at Weight Loss Surgery or weight loss in general as their only way out. To be thin is the best way... isn't it? That's what everybody is teaching these days...
It's so messed up....

But you have a great head on your shoulders saucy.  Thank you for the reply.

*EDIT*: I would also like to add that, my supervisor at work is short. He's very short. Not short like you, Tara, but short. I always make fun of him for it (He's cool... he doesn't mind). One day, I said "Man, you sure can't reach that instrument, can you?" He whipped back "You're about as wide as I am tall". It was the best comeback I've EVER heard. I knew he was joking. I didn't take any offense to it, and we laughed it off. Insults like THAT are worth it.


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## gooddad (Mar 22, 2006)

I've been a lurker here for a couple of weeks and I just recently posted my first response in another thread but as a way to introduce myself I think this may be the right place.

I've been an FA for as long as I can remember and unlike some folks I know the reason why and I've never tried to hide it or shy away from it. My family knows it and my friends know it. 

When I was born my grandmother on my father's side lived with and she did until I was fourteen. My parents were both very trim, tall and attractive people, but my grandmother wa the quintessential "gramma", she was short and fat. I was her first grandchild and her favorite, she would hold me as a small child and play with and she was the built in babysitter for me and my sisters and brother when they came along. Anyway, she was very open and not at all modest when it came to here body so much so that as a small child, until I was maybe 8 or 9 she would shower and afterwards while getting ready for bed she would be naked and powder herself while I sat in her room to talk to her. Now at that age I obviously didn't have an sexual urges or questions other than the typical "where do babies come from" kind of curiosity. But I am convinced that this closeness and immodesty left an "imprint" on me that is permanent. I remember her large belly, huge breasts, and thick thighs but not in a sexual way, just in a "motherly" sort of way. The way warm apple pie smells and brings fond memories (no inference to American Pie intended) back. Anyway in High School I always dated heavy girls that were soft and plush and after ward in the Marines and into my grown-up life I always sought out bigger girls. 

Then I went and married a skinny girl, I guess sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with. Anyway she didn't stay skinny long, after our third child came along she got up to 180, at 5'2" she was pleasingly plump but she hated it. No matter what I said or did she was always complaining. We eventually divorced, not because of the complaining but she just wasn't a happy person in general and there were many other factors involved. So now I have dated a few women who would be classified as SSBBW's and each one has had a varying view on the whole topic of this discussion. I've found the ones who are accepting of their weight are much happier in general than those who are looking to lose some, a lot or all of their weight. I realize there may be health issues for some and you should take care of yourself but I don't think anyone in here is getting out alive so I think I'd rather be happy and fat (by the way I'm 6'2", 230, not really fat but I've definitely got some extra storage) than thin and miserable.

You only go around once and there are no do over's. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


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## Make_Lunch_Not_War (Mar 22, 2006)

gooddad said:


> Anyway, she was very open and not at all modest when it came to here body so much so that as a small child, until I was maybe 8 or 9 she would shower and afterwards while getting ready for bed she would be naked and powder herself while I sat in her room to talk to her. Now at that age I obviously didn't have an sexual urges or questions other than the typical "where do babies come from" kind of curiosity. But I am convinced that this closeness and immodesty left an "imprint" on me that is permanent.




I've heard the theory that a sexual experience doesn't necessarily have to be involving sex, intercourse, whatever. A sexual experience could be something that brings you immense pleasure (i.e. your feelings of "warm Apple pie" come to mind). Although my experience was definitely a form of sexual molestation, it still gave me pleasure because here was a woman much older than I who was attracted to me.

By the way gooddad, in was very hard for me to open up about my molestation experience and it was nice to know that my posting it here moved someone enough that they wanted to respond with a somewhat similar experience. Somewhat.


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## Jes (Mar 23, 2006)

Kenn, I'm glad you felt you could open up, and also that you realized that this woman was in the wrong and that you did nothing to call her declarations upon yourself. She was the adult in the situation and you were not in a position (or at an age) for her to be interacting with you in that way. I do think those early experiences shape us in ways we can't imagine, and it can be scary to realize that, all of a sudden, later in life. I also think we don't often allow men to be painted as victims of anything sexual, and that's a huge mistake.

Jennifer


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## MissStacie (Mar 31, 2006)

MWBBWFanMan said:


> I'm not sure if this will ever get posted as it's my first attempt at posting something in here I think I first had my FA thoughts when I was about 10 and was helping the neighbor lady paint her house. THis all happened about 27 years ago and I can remember it like yesterday still. I remember seeing my neighbor climb up the ladder. She was wearing the tightest brown corduroys that made the swooshy sound when she walked. She must have been 25 years older than me and had a fat well rounded body of about 300 pounds. It was right there and then that I had my first feeling about what I find physically desireable:smitten:
> 
> I used to think there was something wrong with me for my preferences growing up in my early teens. I had all these secret crushes on all the chubby/fat girls in school and never acted on asking anyone out until I was 17. I remember going to school and hearing the torture that kids go through in high school by not feeling that they fit in. I remember that first date with a chubby girl and the grief I got for going out with a "chunker".... I never felt ashamed to be with a heavy girl, but the kids sure could make you feel bad with teasing or jabs. We only went out a handful of times and I didn't really date much after that till I had been in college a year. THats when I really started to notice more women with the extra flesh that I so adored. I dated a few girls throughout college, never really knowing why I was dating because I was so involved with my business and my education. I was in college when I discovered Dimensions Magazine Print version and I ended up buying 15 back issues! I just couldnt believe there were other people out there like me!!! It was such a wonderful feeling to know that I wasn't "weird" and that there were others that shared my preferences.
> After college I met a lovely bbw that I spent about 6 years with in a comitted relationship. She wasn't happy about some of the choices I made with my career and our rellationship fizzled....I guess if I really wanted to marry her, I would have. It was about this time that I discovered the whole FA/BBW scene online and I was happy to be out on the prowl looking for "fresh meat" again and ended up finding plenty of dates. It was always fun to anticipate meeting someone new and hoping that she may possibly be the "one". I was a lurker in Dimchat for a while and finally one of the great gals I met in there convinced me to put up a photo and to start participating. I did, and I want to say that I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world in there. OMG:smitten: Talk about a bunch of gorgeous women in one place:smitten: I have been fortunate enough to meet a handful of the folks in chat and hope I will meet more throughout life. The part I love most about the chatroom and dimensions in general is thet it's mostly "real" people that hang out in here. LOL...Anyone ever tried a bbw chatroom on Yahoo? I did once...Never again
> ...




Hey Bill....I've got a very single girlfriend in MN....wanna email me if you are interested??

MissStacie
[email protected]


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## bellylover (Apr 2, 2006)

Warning - long post. For ease of reading I have divided it in chapters.

Hi all, 

I have always been interested in talking about this acceptance process with others, so thank you really very much for this topic.

*1. The early days*
My FA awareness started when I was about 10 years old. I have always had an interest in fatness for as long as I can remember. Even as a 10 year old I could not keep my eyes of the fat kid in school. I spent most of my puberty (from 12 to 18 years) in a boys only boarding school. For me, girls where an exotic species during my time in boarding school, so I never felt this attraction to girls, simply because I didnt know any, apart from my family. There was however one very fat kid in boarding school and I was attracted to him in a special way. In such a way that I was even wondering whether I was gay. For the record: I am not. Now I know it was just my fat admiration that attracted me, and not the boy. Although I had always been attracted to fat, I became more and more aware of this during my teenage years. I was a skinny kid (35 kg/80 lbs at age 15) and I wanted to feel what it is like to be fat. (Like someone else mentioned above, I think my skinniness might have something to do with my preference for fat, or is it the other way around: was it my attraction for fat that caused me to be unhappy with my skinniness?) When I was alone, I stuffed pillows under my clothes to see what I would look like as a fattie and I tried to stick out my belly as much as possible and on occasions I also tried to each as much as possible. I also made drawings of fat kids and of course I constantly tried to figure out how much that fat kid weighed. And by lack of the real stuff and the internet, I looked at my parents encyclopedia about ancient paintings of rubenesque women, and at the picture of the big girl in the chapter on obesity in the medical encyclopedia. I really thought at that time, that I was abnormal for having this attraction towards fat.

*2. At university*
At age 18, I went to university and the contrast could not have been bigger. From almost complete isolation in boarding school, I arrived at university where half of the people in my class were women. These were my first real encounters with girls and finally I learned what it was, falling in love and that I could fall in love with girls. (Until then the closest I got to falling in love was the fat kid, now I realized that was not love, but just attraction to a fat body, a male fat body by lack of females.) 
Unfortunately, during my teenage years in boarding school, I had not learned to socialize with women and I was extremely clumsy with women and also extremely shy. I was to shy to approach women at a party or to ask them to dance. It was clear to me: if I was ever going to have a relationship with a woman, it would need to start off as friends and then become gradually more. I still was attracted to big women, but I live in Belgium and there are just not that many big women here, especially not at university (I dont want to generalize, but obesity here predominantly occurs in lower social class that is not very well represented at university). In other words, among the 150 women in my class, not a single one was obese, not even chubby. I did occasionally fall in love with a skinny girl, but that was rather platonic, there was no sexual attraction. 

*3. Too shy to come out of the closet*
Of course I did meet some big girls from time to time, in the students restaurant or at a party, but I was too shy to start a conversation or to ask them for a dance. I was just not very good in a approaching women, I am a lousy dancer and there was of course also the peer pressure. I was convinced I was the only man in the world attracted to big women and of course when friends make negative comments on fat girls in general or that fat girl that I was eyeing at, that doesnt help either.

I remember this one really cute, quite big girl (around 300 lbs or so), that I kept meeting at dance parties. Although I had never spoken a word to her, I was really in love. And each time I thought, this time I will overcome my shyness and I will talk to her or dance with her, but each time my shyness combined with the social fear of What will my friends think of me? stopped me from approaching her. And at night, I would go home mad at myself because again I did not have the courage to approach the girl I was so in love with. It is difficult to describe this indefinable fear that was completely paralyzing me. Even today I sometimes wonder how life would have been for me and her if I had the courage to approach her.

*4. The advent of internet*
Eventually, I graduated from university without even having kissed a girl. Shortly after, I discovered the internet. It was still the time of the slow dial-ups, but a whole new world opened to me. I was not the only man in the world to love big girls, there were thousands and thousands others. By reading texts about FAs and mainly by discussing with others in forums, I slowly started assuming myself as an FA. Via the internet, I saw pictures of women that were bigger than I ever could imagine and I realized that in my fantasy, I have no real weight limit. I love to read stories about feeding, not the fantasy ones, but the real life ones, and sometimes I wish I had the courage to live the lifestyle that some of these couples live. I dreamed about having a woman who completely accepts herself as a big person, who understands my attraction to fat and knows how to seduce me with her bulges and who doesnt mind that she gets bigger, and I dreamed of living in a society that does not judge us on that. 

*5. Out of the closet*
I realized that sooner or later, I had to come out of the closet. These FA feelings were just too overwhelming to deny. But I was still as shy as ever, so no progress. Until one day I was invited to a friends wedding and was seated next to single, big girl. This had to be my lucky day. She was pretty and we got along very well and we agreed to see each other again the week thereafter. A couple of weeks later we first kissed. It was my very first kiss and in the meanwhile we are married.

I was happy and in a way also proud at the same time: finally I had taken the step and engaged in a relationship, moreover: in a relationship with a BBW. Unfortunately, my wife does not accept her ample body. She is very unhappy with it and feels ugly and unattractive. I tried convince her otherwise, but despite my continuous efforts to help her on the way to Self Acceptance, she remains unhappy, to the point that she has undergone every FAs nightmare: weight loss surgery. Superficies as it may seem, I was afraid that this could be the end of our relationship if the sexual attraction would be gone. The WLS wasnt really a success. She lost about 30 lbs, part of which she has gained back in the meanwhile. I was of course happy that she remained quite big, but of course she is now even more frustrated, and this is, more than she realizes, putting a pressure on our relationship. Although by now she accepts that I do find her attractive, it is still difficult for her to accept that the parts of her body that I love most, are the parts that she hates most. I do everything possible to get her on her way to self acceptance, but I have made no progress. Although I prefer very big women, I support her as much as I can in loosing some weight, because I much more prefer her 30-40 pounds lighter and happy than this. She did express some interest in a professional photo shoot though, so I am looking in that now. I have read that this is sometimes an eye-opener and a first step to self acceptance. I hope so. 

Thank you for reading my story.


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## The Kid (Apr 5, 2006)

Well unlike the rest of you fine people my story isn't that long. It's not that I don't have an interesting life, I'm just not as old (no offense) as alot of people here. No real life experiance.

I am not sure when I realized my preference for big girls. I think I was about 11 maybe 12 years old. 

I went to my first Yankee's game, at Yankee stadium of course, it was a good game, but back to the story. 

As we were leaving I was just looking around, y'know, being a carefree kid, and I saw this chubby girl, she was probably 18 or 19, not sure. She just had the cutest face I'd ever seen, everything about her was cute I was honestly thinking she was an angel. There was just something about her that was beautiful but I can't put my finger on it.

Just seeing her made me start looking more and more at BBW's and I just think there is something very sexy about a girl with some actual curves instead of just a stick figure.

That's it, like I said, not much to tell.


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## Stormy (Apr 6, 2006)

These stories are very interesting. Thanks for sharing them. 

My mother was chubby when she met my father, they dated briefly but he is very anti-fat and had already broken up with her when she realized she was pregnant, so they got back together and married. My father figured since he was stuck with her anyway, and had always wanted a large family, she would have to be the one to give it to him, so they had three more children (I was #2). My mother gained weight with each pregnancy until she was up to 375 pounds (shes 51) after my youngest brother. My father decided he couldnt deal with her fatness anymore and told her she had to get thin or he was leaving. She crash-dieted into the low 100s and he left anyway, when I was 6. She regained a lot of weight, and has since had WLS twice. I dont remember him ever showing concern for her health, but do remember many comments about how disgusting she was and how he couldnt stand to touch her. He also frequently made disparaging comments about other fat people, and like while watching TV he would change the channel if they showed a fat woman.

I dont ever remember thinking about food or my size in a normal way. In Elementary school my mother would buy each of my brothers and me a box of Little Debbie snack cakes, to be put in our school lunches for the week. I never took mine to school, but would always eat the whole box in one sitting some evening at home. I also ate large portions of other foods and have always enjoyed stuffing myself, although I felt guilty afterwards and did not want to be fat. I was very active, into soccer and running, didnt eat that way all the time, just sometimes when alone and could get away with it, would eat less than normal amounts other times and so was just a little chubby by the end of Elementary school. I got picked on occasionally about my weight by other children, but was far from the fattest kid around so wasnt a big target. I was interested in fat and weight gain, but it was mostly subconscious/repressed. My two best friends growing up were the fattest girls I knew, but I wasnt aware of that having anything to do with why I liked them.

Both of my parents criticized me relentlessly over my weight. Once when I brought home school pictures my mother told me I looked like a sausage and would tell me that I was going to grow up to be the fat lady in the circus. My father was obsessed with me getting the problem under control while I was young and it was minor because it would be harder to deal with later. He would order me to lose weight, tell me no one would want to date me otherwise, etc. I lived with my mother, whenever I visited my father he would remark about how I looked fatter since he last saw me, then I would return to my mother and she would say the same thing, often when I hadnt gained. Their divorce was bitter and this seemed to be one of their ways of finding fault with the other parent, through me. Both kept a lot of fatty, sugary, easy-to-prepare foods around their houses. I tried to ignore their nagging for awhile, then when I decided to lose weight quickly went from a recommended diet of about 1500 calories per day to less and less until I was eating nothing many days and a few hundred calories the others, running for miles multiple times per day, and diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at 13.

About that time I started getting into drugs, my food issues took a back seat to partying, I dropped out of school and moved out at 15. I still binged sometimes, ate little other times and my weight fluctuated but stayed within a relatively normal range. I got really into methamphetamine, in my early 20s moved to a different state to get away from everyone I knew and quit all recreational drugs except alcohol for about five years while I went to college.

Soon after relocating I met, moved in with and eventually married an alcoholic. He never let us run out of beer, didnt care how much I drank and we both got drunk almost every night. Besides the calories in alcohol, it tends to increase my appetite and lowers my willpower so Im more likely to give in and binge when drunk. I gained weight until I peaked at about 300 pounds around the time I got divorced, which had something to do with my weight but we wouldnt have stayed together anyway, and graduated. Ive never seen myself as anything but a fat, disgusting slob, but my self-esteem was at an all-time low then, plus I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol and my feet and back hurt. I had no idea that anyone found fat attractive, and since I wasnt aware of my own interest in fat got no enjoyment out of it, except for the eating/drinking itself, but the guilt afterwards ruined it. I dieted back down to about 150 pounds (Im 59).



tankgirl said:


> size is okay.... on ANYONE but ME.



Thats where I am. When the Internet first came along I used to look at porn pictures of fat women and get excited by them but didnt know why since Im heterosexual, and at the same time thought they were disgusting. Then by chance I discovered SSBBW Betsys site and was amazed at and fascinated with this huge woman showing off her fatness and trying to get fatter. Between her site and Dimensions, which I found linked there, I started reading about stuff that turned me on more than anything ever had. 

I no longer think fat is disgusting, except the fat on me when I am not fantasizing about it. I think most women look better slightly to moderately above what is usually considered normal weight, and most very thin people are unattractive. Except me; I am always too fat. In some ways my body image is worse now than when I was 300 pounds, especially nude. When I had sex then, I was very self-conscious but at least knew the man knew I was fat and was expecting to see a fat naked body. Now Im afraid to get naked in front of anyone because I have stretch marks and loose skin which would not be expected from my clothed appearance.

There are at least two distinctly different definitions of size acceptance. I accept people of all sizes, dont think less of anyone, or that anyone should be discriminated against based on their size, but I dont subscribe to the idea that everyone should accept their own size whatever it is and never try to do anything to change it, although its fine if thats what someone does want to do. I would be extremely unhealthy if I stopped trying to control my weight, and ate as much as I wanted all the time. My eating habits are so detached from hunger or satiation, and have been for so long, I dont think I could ever connect them again if I wanted to. I like to eat, when I do I like to get full, like the idea of gaining weight, and actually gaining some, but dont like to actually be very fat, also like to go hungry sometimes, can go a week on water and vitamins, and for the last several years my weight has fluctuated between about 140 and 180, usually close to 150. I know its not the healthiest lifestyle but think its my healthiest option, dont want to deprive myself of something I get such enjoyment from (eating and gaining that is), and this place has helped me to not feel so guilty about it. I appreciate being able to witness and participate in discussion among intelligent people about fat in a positive way. I still dont have a healthy body image, but its better than it was before I found Dimensions. Ive learned a lot about my sexuality here; I was so clueless about what turned me on before, and the possibilities involving sex. Thanks.


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## BBW Betty (Apr 7, 2006)

Stormy--thanks for posting that. It took a lot of courage to do so. Glad you found the place, and I hope it can be a great, long-term source of support for you.


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## olivefun (Apr 7, 2006)

Thanks for these stories.

It really does help to have them written down. 
You have no idea how it could give someone strength to read about your experiences (as difficult as it may have been for you to submit them here)

Olive


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## jaydegreen (Apr 8, 2006)

Can I tell you that I'm about a week and a half into actually thinking that I might be okay just as I am? I have been overweight to varying degrees my whole life - with a few skinny moments (although I still thought I was fat) at 16 and 23. I have succeeded in so many areas of my life and always thought - this fat has never held me back from having a successful career -- one that my friends envy. 

However over the last few years I have one, gotten divorced and two reached my highest weight ever. I always had men in my life, but they were always men who "loved" me in spite of my weight and I never felt that they found me beautiful - as I deep down inside thought I was, but would never actually admit to anyone. 

I have to say that it is through this website and a few others that I have found that the primary area where I don't except myself and continously beat myself up for - may actually not be the end of the world. That maybe, just maybe, I can embrace the knowledge that I think I'm a beautiful woman - no matter how much I weigh. Gotta say - it's really sent me into a tailspin!


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## curt (Apr 12, 2006)

How I missed it the first three times we met, I'll never know. I guess I was distracted by her amazing pale blue eyes. But, upon our second date, french toast at her place, I first noticed the extra junk in her trunk, and I was aroused, to say the least! This girl had real "potential".

Shortly afterwards I remember watching a rather fat woman waddle in front our car as we waited at an intersection. My gal said something about recognizing her own potential to become _that_ fat and prayed that someone would shoot her first! Again, I said nothing but smiled to myself.


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## curt (Apr 12, 2006)

Now, she certainly was not the biggest girl I had ever dated. That distinction perhaps belonged to Sophie, with whom I had once watched *9 1/2 Weeks*. She was my first lay in Chicago and must have weighed at least 250 lbs. I remember watching her enter the Exit and hearing some of the cruel comments at the bar as she bellied up. I was turned on and showed them who was getting sex that night!


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## curt (Apr 12, 2006)

But when I think hard about it, Kristin, the actress/hairstylist I met via a Matches ad, must have been my _biggest_ lover. She was certainly in excess of 300 lbs. But wait! I almost forgot Holly, who was the daughter of a "famous" folk-singer, who would wake me up with a song in the sweetest voice. She also had to be in the range of 300 pounds (give or take a pinch.)


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## curt (Apr 13, 2006)

Oh yeah, then there was Katie belle, the rock singer/ex-bike messenger, who must have gained *at least* 60 pounds after she quit biking. Talk about your special deliveries!


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## curt (Apr 13, 2006)

Then there was Cathy, the Polish goth, who lived in my former apartment on Augusta. I had had my eyes on her for awhile when she invited me to a house party at her place. Late in the evening she got _under the influence _and we became better acquainted. She was a delicious pudding princess.


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## curt (Apr 13, 2006)

Even my first lover, Karen, was a plump pleaser. She was three years older than me and was definitely in charge.


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## Jes (Apr 14, 2006)

curt said:


> Then there was Cathy, the Polish goth, who lived in my former apartment on Augusta. I had had my eyes on her for awhile when she invited me to a house party at her place. Late in the evening she got _under the influence _and we became better acquainted. She was a delicious pudding princess.


I want this to be my new nickname. Delicious pudding princess. I don't even know what it means, but it's FABULOUS.


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## Carrie (Apr 14, 2006)

Jes said:


> I want this to be my new nickname. Delicious pudding princess. I don't even know what it means, but it's FABULOUS.



You've been oddly aroused for too long, anyway - go for it, Your Majesty.


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## Jes (Apr 14, 2006)

Carrie said:


> You've been oddly aroused for too long, anyway - go for it, Your Majesty.


no no, i''m reluctant to change the official nick. but i want people to call me this. and it'd be Your Highness, as it's princess, after all.

i'm bored. bored. so bored. bored.


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## Carrie (Apr 14, 2006)

Jes said:


> no no, i''m reluctant to change the official nick. but i want people to call me this. and it'd be Your Highness, as it's princess, after all.
> 
> i'm bored. bored. so bored. bored.



You're in a nickname rut, my love. No one will remember to call you the Delicious Pudding Princess without the constant reminder. Sure, we'll try, but in a week we'll be calling you the Yummy Duchess of Jello or something equally lame.

If you're bored, shake things up with a new nickname. I triple dog dare you.


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## Jes (Apr 14, 2006)

Carrie said:


> You're in a nickname rut, my love. No one will remember to call you the Delicious Pudding Princess without the constant reminder. Sure, we'll try, but in a week we'll be calling you the Yummy Duchess of Jello or something equally lame.
> 
> If you're bored, shake things up with a new nickname. I triple dog dare you.


no, b/c i'm always oddly aroused. i'm comforted by familiar things, like a 2 year old.


bored. my god. i want to have a torrid affair with one of you. PM me and take me away!


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## Fuzzy (Apr 14, 2006)

*looks up torrid in the dictionary...*


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## curt (Apr 17, 2006)

but she was one plush pillow of pleasure. I met her at the campus library. She was only in high school and was cruising for college boys. She flirted with me and reeled me in. I remember I drove her Firebird through the snow drifts as I took her to a Catholic girls' school dance. She showed me off to all her friends/schoolmates. I could tell that some of them were in disbelief.


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## Jes (Apr 17, 2006)

curt said:


> but she was one plush pillow of pleasure. I met her at the campus library. She was only in high school and was cruising for college boys. She flirted with me and reeled me in. I remember I drove her Firebird through the snow drifts as I took her to a Catholic girls' school dance. She showed me off to all her friends/schoolmates. I could tell that some of them were in disbelief.


hahah. I read this as YOU were cruising for college guys and I thought: DANG! she MUST have been one hell of a pillow of pleasure to change your sexual orientation!!


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## curt (Apr 17, 2006)

Then there was Katie, the indie filmmaker. She was one hungry, luscious romp. She was _almost _famous too.


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## Jes (Apr 17, 2006)

curt said:


> Then there was Katie, the indie filmmaker. She was one hungry, luscious romp. She was _almost _famous too.


i want to sit and listen to all of your tales, curt, because they are turning me on!


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## curt (Apr 17, 2006)

I met her Big Chicks in Uptown one drunken afternoon. She took me home and made me cry. All I remember was that she was a waitress downtown at a greek diner on State Street -- the Ferris Wheel?


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## olivefun (Apr 17, 2006)

So Curt, _after_ the Ferris Wheel, you went for a ride?

That is pretty cute.

Olive


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## curt (Apr 17, 2006)

Jes said:


> i want to sit and listen to all of your tales, curt, because they are turning me on!



And THAT is turning me on!


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## Jes (Apr 17, 2006)

I want more more more!


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## curt (Apr 17, 2006)

Carlinda was a classically-trained harpist who really knew how to use her hands (and her mouth.) I loved the way she would press her _ample _flesh against me in the surf.


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## curt (Apr 18, 2006)

Although it was her girlfriend who was really into me, I only had dark eyes for Donna, a smoldering, voluptuous Mexi-goth hottie. I walked her home one night after a show at the Exit, and we had steamy sex in the stairwell to her apartment.


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## moonvine (Apr 18, 2006)

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that "size acceptance history" isn't equal to "every fat woman you've ever slept with." 

Could we maybe start another thread for this? Just a suggestion.


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## curt (Apr 18, 2006)

Paula was a waitress and graphic designer and aspiring massage therapist who resembled a generously full-figured version of Liza Minelli from the 70s. We were introduced via my girlfriend at the time, Diane, who knew her from work. She was vegetarian except when it came to sex.


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## moonvine (Apr 18, 2006)

Thanks so much for your consideration.


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## Jes (Apr 18, 2006)

moonvine said:


> Thanks so much for your consideration.


Hahaha. 
Sorry, moonie, but Curt's kooky stories are turning me on. I'm not sure I believe all of them, but if they were a book, I'd read it. And fold over a good number of the pages, probably.


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## moonvine (Apr 18, 2006)

That's fine, but can't he put them somewhere else? Like the "stories" section? I mean, a list of fat women you've nailed isn't size acceptance. Not to me, anyway. Perhaps it is to someone, and if so I find that rather frightening, honestly. No wonder I don't have sex. I don't want to end up in someone's "List of Fat Women I Have Fucked" on the Internet.

I know you like to kid, and I'm not trying to be hostile at all, but I am starting to find this thread a heck of a lot more offensive than some of the other threads that have been posted here lately, and that's saying rather a lot.


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## BBW Betty (Apr 18, 2006)

I have to agree with moonvine. This thread was made a sticky b/c it could offer a really great place for people to share their struggle along the path of size acceptance. It is rapidly becoming a list of one man's fat conquests. The stories are fine, just in the wrong thread.


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## Jes (Apr 18, 2006)

BBW Betty said:


> I have to agree with moonvine. This thread was made a sticky b/c it could offer a really great place for people to share their struggle along the path of size acceptance. It is rapidly becoming a list of one man's fat conquests. The stories are fine, just in the wrong thread.


Awww.  Well, I guess I'll just have to wait for his book to come out! Or he can just send them to me from now on.


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## Tad (Apr 18, 2006)

jaydegreen said:


> Can I tell you that I'm about a week and a half into actually thinking that I might be okay just as I am? I have been overweight to varying degrees my whole life - with a few skinny moments (although I still thought I was fat) at 16 and 23. I have succeeded in so many areas of my life and always thought - this fat has never held me back from having a successful career -- one that my friends envy.
> 
> However over the last few years I have one, gotten divorced and two reached my highest weight ever. I always had men in my life, but they were always men who "loved" me in spite of my weight and I never felt that they found me beautiful - as I deep down inside thought I was, but would never actually admit to anyone.
> 
> I have to say that it is through this website and a few others that I have found that the primary area where I don't except myself and continously beat myself up for - may actually not be the end of the world. That maybe, just maybe, I can embrace the knowledge that I think I'm a beautiful woman - no matter how much I weigh. Gotta say - it's really sent me into a tailspin!



Hey Jaydegreen;

I missed you first posting here (it is such a large thread I don't always look at new posts on it). But belatedly welcome to Dimensions! 

I'm glad that this place and its web bretheren are shaking your views of the world, in a good way. I'm sure you are gorgeous as you are, way past time for you to accept it and enjoy it!

Regards;

-Ed


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## curt (Apr 19, 2006)

My bad. I thought SA stood for "sexual accomplishments"! I actually thought that a serialization of selected pages from my sexual history would be a "novel" and entertaining approach to this question. However, I realize that what is expected is a more Oprah-like reading of one's painful episodes and triumphal moments. 

As for moving my narrative into the "Stories" section, I feel that is a fantasy fiction ghetto. Furthermore, my "stories"_ are _*true*. However, I understand that these sketches belong on the Weight Board, where sex and erotica are enjoyed and accepted.

Her name was Savannah (even though she was really from Memphis), and I was hypnotized by the way she was pouring out of her leopard print outfit. As the four of us left Tuman's for a 4 o'clock bar, she asked me, "How would you like me to fix your eggs for breakfast?" She had assumed correctly exactly what I really wanted.


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## Jes (Apr 19, 2006)

curt said:


> My bad. I thought SA stood for "sexual accomplishments"! I actually thought that a serialization of selected pages from my sexual history would be a "novel" and entertaining approach to this question. However, I realize that what is expected is a more Oprah-like reading of one's painful episodes and triumphal moments.
> 
> As for moving my narrative into the "Stories" section, I feel that is a fantasy fiction ghetto. Furthermore, my "stories"_ are _*true*. However, I understand that these sketches belong on the Weight Board, where sex and erotica are enjoyed and accepted.
> 
> Her name was Savannah (even though she was really from Memphis), and I was hypnotized by the way she was pouring out of her leopard print outfit. As the four of us left Tuman's for a 4 o'clock bar, she asked me, "How would you like me to fix your eggs for breakfast?" She had assumed correctly exactly what I really wanted.


It's true, there IS a dearth of erotic stuff at the weight board (though I'm not into feeding, really...). I guess we hijacked this thread, curt. But for the record, I definitely don't read your stories as conquest stories. The women you've been with seem to have a lot of agency and drive--I think that's a great part of the turn on, for me. Mrrrowr. 
PS: please don't mention Oprah. I'm still mad at her.
Now back to your regularly schedule poll.


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## olivefun (Apr 19, 2006)

curt said:


> My bad. I thought SA stood for "sexual accomplishments"!



oh my goodness
That is hysterical!

haHHHA........ THAT is the funniest thing I have heard today!

Great.
SA!
Haha
wow, that is fantastic.
Thank you for that.

Olive


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## Deemondess (Apr 21, 2006)

have to say what a great thread this is 

for people who are overweight and people who love fat people 

I am 47 now and at the age of 10 started developing early ,,, started with the boobs I was so ridiculed at school I used to walk round with my hands folded ,, by the age of 12 I was an f cup wearing a lord knows what size bra ,,, in my teens I walked in a room and blokes wud stare at my boobs and make comments , I use to beg my mum for a breast reduction , till she passed me a magazine one day and theres all these women wanting to enhance there boobs nd get boobs bigger than mine I was like wow 

mid 20,s the weight came on and I began to get in proportion with the boobs uk size I am now a h cup to hh , but my body matches as well now , I was fortunate to meet the man of my dreams who loved me dearly boobs belly bum he just loved me , unfortunately he died june 99 ,
I spent a few years not interested in men then decided to start again 
47 years old who is gonna want a BBW ?? 
then lo and behold along comes the computer 
type BBW and up comes dating sites forums all with guys who love bbw ssbbw ect I was likw wow 
must admit wish I lived in usa theres more bbw admirers than here in the uk lol 
however I found a bbw chatroom here in the uk thats global and gradually became a host and then now a co owner ,
I chat to many guys who genuinly love bbw,s and it does give you a big boost to your ego to know your big belly or big butt instead of turning them off actually turns them on ,
I,m still single at the mo and plodding on but thats my little story from a newbie to this forum 

Dee


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## BBW MeganLynn44DD (May 19, 2006)

See we are wanted by men.Good men too!
I began to gain in high school.My sophmore year.I went form a size 8 to an 18 in two years.When I graduated high school my mom offered me $500.oo to lose the weight that i "wanted" to put on.I went off to college and had a blast.Johnson and Wales in Providence,Rhode Island.It was the best thing for me to get away from my family.It taught me volumes.I'm an even larger lady these days and in the last 5 years or so I have really began to like it.Even love my shape!See ladies we can be happy!


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## moonvine (May 20, 2006)

BBW MeganLynn44DD said:


> See we are wanted by men.Good men too!
> I began to gain in high school.My sophmore year.I went form a size 8 to an 18 in two years.When I graduated high school my mom offered me $500.oo to lose the weight that i "wanted" to put on.I went off to college and had a blast.Johnson and Wales in Providence,Rhode Island.It was the best thing for me to get away from my family.It taught me volumes.I'm an even larger lady these days and in the last 5 years or so I have really began to like it.Even love my shape!See ladies we can be happy!



Unfortunately we are not all wanted by men. I do like to think I am happy anyway though


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## Adrian (May 25, 2006)

saucywench said:


> I've heard many responses from FAs over the years
> 
> of how they came to realize they were an FA, but I'd like a little more info here.


I realized that I was a lover of BBW's in kindergarden -1950! That is when I first encountered kids not from my ghetto and they did not like BBWs. Making negative comments about BBWs, was offensive to myself and many of my friends from my neighborhood for comments like that were directed at our mothers, grandmothers, sister or, aunts.
Never being in the closet about liking and loving BBW's was a blessing for me. I dated only BBWs and I married a BBW. Through several pregnancies her weight increased and I discovered that my true preference was for SSBBWs.

There is no substitute for the wonderful feeling of hugging an SSBBW!

Adrian


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## jazzhandstothesky (May 27, 2006)

I am super nervous making my first post. I have been lurking for a little while and trying to figure out what I want to say in my first post to avoid being flamed or whatever.

I've been chubby most of my life. There was a time about four years ago when I starved myself down to a size 8 and was a wreck. I was bitter that it *did* matter and I couldn't believe how shallow people were, even people I thought were my friends. Everyone was so "happy" that I had lost 80 lbs. I was miserable. Obsessed about gaining the weight back and doing all kinds of cra cra shit in order to maintain my svelte figure.

Finally I gave up. I moved to a different town and I just started to eat normal again and I gained back every pound. I really wished I hadn't lost the weight in the first place because I was better before than I am now. 

I have so many well meaning people in my life who want me to lose weight (doctor, therapist, family) and it's made me become very isolated. I rather not go places or do things because I can't deal with how disappointed people am when they see I have not been able to maintain my weight loss. Never mind I graduated from my BA program and am 1/2 way through my MFA program or that I've published a bunch of articles or that I do amazing work as an HIV case manager.

It doesn't matter that I'm funny, smart, creative, sassy and independant, well at least not as long as I'm heavier.

Well fuck a bunch of that noise.

I'm glad I found this community. I hope I'll fit in.


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## saucywench (May 27, 2006)

jazzhandstothesky said:


> ....I'm glad I found this community. I hope I'll fit in.


 
Ohh, I have no doubt that you'll fit in here, jazz; you appear to be quite capable of expressing yourself. 
Welcome to Dims, I look forward to your contributions. Jump right on in!


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## olivefun (May 28, 2006)

jazzhandstothesky said:


> I'm glad I found this community. I hope I'll fit in.



Looks like you'll fit in just fine.

Welcome, and now that you have tested the waters, jump right in and post some more.

We don't bite...
...well some of us don't....


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## BBW Betty (May 28, 2006)

Hey, Jazz. Glad you found us. I know what you mean, about people thinking other accomplishments mean nothing without maintaining the weight loss. Trust me, you will be appreciated here. Can we hear more about your work, perhaps in another thread? Sounds fascinating.


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## TallFatSue (May 28, 2006)

jazzhandstothesky said:


> It doesn't matter that I'm funny, smart, creative, sassy and independant, well at least not as long as I'm heavier.


Welcome aboard. It's amazing how shallow our society is. When my now-husband and I began to date, a lot of his friends asked him, "Whatever do you see in Sue? She's so FAT!" He finally turned the question around. "You tell me! What do you see in a girl? Or doesn't it matter as long as she's not fat?"  

Methinks the reason shallow people focus on my (or your) weight because it gives them something convenient to criticize, and therefore makes them feel a little better about themselves. It used to burn me up at family reunions that nobody cared about my good strong marriage, rewarding career, financial stability, excellent health etc. "Gee Sue, you have so much going for you. How come you're so fat?"  

Well, I'm 48 going on 49, and the weight comments don't bother me much because I've noticed that many shallow people make lousy decisions in their lives. If they care more about style than substance, they can deal with the consequences of their choices too. A prime example is my distant cousin Bill, who congratulated my husband at our wedding for the whale he had just landed, but last year good old Bill went through Nasty Divorce No. 3. Whereas my sweet husband and his whale of a wife will celebrate our 24th anniversary tomorrow. :smitten: 

Speaking of family reunions, we're going to a holiday picnic this afternoon. Looks like a nice hot day in Toledo, so let's see how many family members I can scandalize with my short pants and sleeveless top. "Doesn't it bother you to have that belly of yours hanging out for all the world to see?" "I love you too, Mom."  

Some things I absolutely positively love about being so fat is it helped teach me what is and is not truly important in life, and it forced me to be a creative thinker. So I wear my fat with pride that it has made me a better person.


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## MoonGoddess (May 28, 2006)

TallFatSue said:


> Methinks the reason shallow people focus on my (or your) weight because it gives them something convenient to criticize, and therefore makes them feel a little better about themselves. It used to burn me up at family reunions that nobody cared about my good strong marriage, rewarding career, financial stability, excellent health etc. "Gee Sue, you have so much going for you. How come you're so fat?"
> 
> Well, I'm 48 going on 49, and the weight comments don't bother me much because I've noticed that many shallow people make lousy decisions in their lives. If they care more about style than substance, they can deal with the consequences of their choices too. A prime example is my distant cousin Bill, who congratulated my husband at our wedding for the whale he had just landed, but last year good old Bill went through Nasty Divorce No. 3. Whereas my sweet husband and his whale of a wife will celebrate our 24th anniversary tomorrow. :smitten:
> 
> ...




*I love the way you worded this. 

Being able to see the substance over the style is something which seems sorely lacking in society today. I for one have never felt that physical appearance means much. I do confess, I am a sucker for beautiful eyes, but that doesn't prevent me from caring about the whole person.

And I believe it to be a well known fact that lots of folks need to tear us down, just to make themselves feel more powerful, more complete. It really is sad, all of that time spent on cutting others off at the knees. Too much energy wasted.

I like to think that where I am now (mid-40's) takes some of the societal pressure and expectations away. Hot bods and model perfect looks seem to be something that is more of a game for the young. Sure, there are trophy wives in my age range that I guess I am supposed to try to emulate. But why stress out over it?

I am a big, curvy and perfectly fine woman. Just the way that I am. And I have to tell you, I've seen more beauty presented by the people on this forum than in any given issue of VOGUE.

***Muttering to herself*** Those praying mantis' in Vogue are supposed to be beautiful and desirable? Damn, looks to me like those chicks really need a proper meal. And all of that AWFUL makeup! Hey, most people celebrate Halloween just once a year.

MoonGoddess*


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## William (May 28, 2006)

Hi Sue

I think that my current signature quote explains a lot of people.


William






TallFatSue said:


> Welcome aboard. It's amazing how shallow our society is. When my now-husband and I began to date, a lot of his friends asked him, "Whatever do you see in Sue? She's so FAT!" He finally turned the question around. "You tell me! What do you see in a girl? Or doesn't it matter as long as she's not fat?"
> 
> Methinks the reason shallow people focus on my (or your) weight because it gives them something convenient to criticize, and therefore makes them feel a little better about themselves. It used to burn me up at family reunions that nobody cared about my good strong marriage, rewarding career, financial stability, excellent health etc. "Gee Sue, you have so much going for you. How come you're so fat?"
> 
> ...


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## MoonGoddess (May 28, 2006)

William said:


> Hi Sue
> 
> I think that my current signature quote explains a lot of people.
> 
> ...



*Bravo William!*


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## TallFatSue (May 28, 2006)

MoonGoddess said:


> And I believe it to be a well known fact that lots of folks need to tear us down, just to make themselves feel more powerful, more complete. It really is sad, all of that time spent on cutting others off at the knees. Too much energy wasted.


They probably don't even realize they're doing it. It used to annoy me to pieces that people would fixate on my so-called "weight problem" and underestimate my abilities, but in the long run it doesn't really matter.

My dear hubby is leaning over my shoulder _(Art! I can adjust my bra myself, thank you very much! :smitten: )_ and reminded me of an odd piece of advice he got early in his engineering career. An about-to-retire engineer told him that the department manager loved to ferret out flaws in their work. So the veteran engineer made sure to put a minor but obvious flaw somewhere in the first page of each of his reports ("He found it!") and then everything else was usually fine.

My mother is like that too. As my father once said: "Don't worry about your mother. She loves you, but she's not happy unless she can fuss over something. You remember when you and your brother were little, and your mother would always make us pass inspection whenever we went to a restaurant? I always made sure my tie was a little crooked and part of my collar was turned over, just so she could fix it. Then she'd be happy for the rest of the evening."


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (May 28, 2006)

He is a very lucky man!




TallFatSue said:


> They probably don't even realize they're doing it. It used to annoy me to pieces that people would fixate on my so-called "weight problem" and underestimate my abilities, but in the long run it doesn't really matter.
> 
> My dear hubby is leaning over my shoulder _(Art! I can adjust my bra myself, thank you very much! :smitten: )_ and reminded me of an odd piece of advice he got early in his engineering career. An about-to-retire engineer told him that the department manager loved to ferret out flaws in their work. So the veteran engineer made sure to put a minor but obvious flaw somewhere in the first page of each of his reports ("He found it!") and then everything else was usually fine.
> 
> My mother is like that too. As my father once said: "Don't worry about your mother. She loves you, but she's not happy unless she can fuss over something. You remember when you and your brother were little, and your mother would always make us pass inspection whenever we went to a restaurant? I always made sure my tie was a little crooked and part of my collar was turned over, just so she could fix it. Then she'd be happy for the rest of the evening."


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## FitChick (May 28, 2006)

TallFatSue,

The only person who ever "addressed" my former weight (as in calling it a "weight problem") was my mother. And I used to tell her that I did not have a weight "problem", that she was the one with the weight "problem". She'd say, "I know I'm fat too".

I'd respond, "No, what I meant was, if my weight is a problem for you, then its YOUR "problem", not mine."


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## jazzhandstothesky (May 28, 2006)

That was lovely. I'm trying to remember all the things I wanted to respond to. Obviously, everyone has raised excellent points!

I'm trying really hard to get back to that place where I dare someone to say anything about me or my weight but after living a year as a "thinner" person (because believe me I *still* got called CHUBBY at 155 pounds!) it's hard to reaquaint myself with my fuller figure. I giggle a lot in the tub when I'm like, "Oh yeah there's more backside than before!"

I haven't really been able to find partners who can look beyond size. I have sort of accepted that at age 33, men and women (cause I sometimes date both) aren't really receptive to people of size as far as dating. I see lots of my thinner friends shuttling in and out of relationships and they sort of make the assumption that I'm single because of my weight rather than me not wanting to be dating a jerkasaurus.

It also seems like the "scenes" i'm into musically really demand a very narrowly defined style of beauty that counts me out. I'm too brown, too fat and not emo enough!

I'm blabbing away. oops!


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## Adrian (May 29, 2006)

TallFatSue said:


> He finally turned the question around. "You tell me! What do you see in a girl? Or doesn't it matter as long as she's not fat?"


I like that response..... it argues the point without being overtly aggressive. I wish I had said that!




TallFatSue said:


> my sweet husband and his whale of a wife will celebrate our 24th anniversary tomorrow


CONGRADULATIONS!




TallFatSue said:


> My dear hubby is leaning over my shoulder (Art! I can adjust my bra myself, thank you very much!)


My wife and I disagree on that same point. After seeing Sesame Steets program on "co-operation," I took it upon myself to help my wife as much as I could. I have always felt making the adjust of her brassierre strap a two person task a good place to start. Tell your husband he is not alone in his beliefs, great minds think alike!

Adrian


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (May 29, 2006)

For me the substance of a person's character and worth will always outweigh the physical. 

I'm sure that some status-obsessed automaton will go for the women in Vogue because of what he has been taught. Some of those ladies look like famine victims. They DO NOT turn me on at all. 

There is nothing finer than a sexy, full bodied mature bbw with a confident personality. A woman like that turns my head like no other.



MoonGoddess said:


> *
> I like to think that where I am now (mid-40's) takes some of the societal pressure and expectations away. Hot bods and model perfect looks seem to be something that is more of a game for the young. Sure, there are trophy wives in my age range that I guess I am supposed to try to emulate. But why stress out over it?
> 
> I am a big, curvy and perfectly fine woman. Just the way that I am. And I have to tell you, I've seen more beauty presented by the people on this forum than in any given issue of VOGUE.
> ...


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## TallFatSue (May 29, 2006)

TallFatSue said:


> My dear hubby is leaning over my shoulder _(Art! I can adjust my bra myself, thank you very much! :smitten: )_





Adrian said:


> My wife and I disagree on that same point. After seeing Sesame Steets program on "co-operation," I took it upon myself to help my wife as much as I could. I have always felt making the adjust of her brassierre strap a two person task a good place to start. Tell your husband he is not alone in his beliefs, great minds think alike!


Wellll, it sure wasn't my bra straps he was adjusting! I didn't want to be too obvious about it, but Art reached down over my shoulders to (purrrr) fondle my breasts while I was trying to type. Can't think why, but whenever I'm sitting at the computer in my underwear after a shower, Art loves to sneak a peak over my shoulder at all this fat overflowing onto my lap. And Mr. Sneak has also discovered that if he suddenly excites me, I get the hiccups and he can watch a major jiggle show too. See what I have to put up with, day in and day out? Naturally I had to "punish" him shortly afterward by "forcing" him to give me a full-body massage, which almost made us late to a barbeque yesterday afternoon.  

Married 24 years today, and it keeps getting better. :smitten:


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (May 29, 2006)

I have always adored strong, assertive women. When I was a kid, one of my grandmothers and several of my cousins were BBWs. My mom has a big body frame, but she did not put on weight until I was 12. She had a job at Pizza Hut. At the same time, my dad was separated from his 2nd wife (my stepmom) and dated 2 large women.

I remember that I liked Ms. Piggy, Nell Carter and Oprah Winfrey back in the 1980s. When I was in college, I liked Rikki Lake.

During the 1990s, I largely chased thin girls and some girls who were voluptuous. After I graduated from college, things began to change. The first woman I kissed (1998) was a large woman who is still a friend. Also, while I was in grad school, I had a crush on a blonde professor who taught my Global Journalism class.

I didn't find out about the BBW scene until spring of 2000. I was messing around Yahoo personals and began seeing "big beautiful women" in people's profiles. From there, I began joining groups and conversing with people. I got involved in NAAFA and found out about Dimensions. Also I started really getting into dating and having sex when I was 25. Five years later, here I am!


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (May 29, 2006)

I forgot to mention somthing. In January 2000, four months after I began clubbing regularly, I did my first dirty dance with a fat girl. Jennifer was so soft and sensuous. After meeting her, I realized that I wanted to meet and go out with other fat girls. And the rest is history.


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## Jes (May 29, 2006)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I forgot to mention somthing. In January 2000, four months after I began clubbing regularly, I did my first dirty dance with a fat girl. Jennifer was so soft and sensuous. After meeting her, I realized that I wanted to meet and go out with other fat girls. And the rest is history.


Oh, you're making me blush, talking about me this way!


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (May 29, 2006)

Jes, I'm really glad I made you smile.



Jes said:


> Oh, you're making me blush, talking about me this way!


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## LookingAround (Jun 1, 2006)

This is my first post, although I've visited this site for about 2 years. I'm looking forward to being a part of your community.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 2, 2006)

Welcome. We are happy to have you here.



LookingAround said:


> This is my first post, although I've visited this site for about 2 years. I'm looking forward to being a part of your community.


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## Adrian (Jun 4, 2006)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> I did my first dirty dance with a fat girl. Jennifer was so soft and sensuous.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Gee, I didn't it was you he was talking about!

Adrian


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jun 4, 2006)

Actually, I was referring to a different woman. But Jes, as always, is being a lot of fun. LOL




Adrian said:


> Gee, I didn't it was you he was talking about!
> 
> Adrian


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## olivefun (Jun 4, 2006)

Adrian, jump in and tell us a bit about yourself and what path brought you to us.


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## Adrian (Jun 5, 2006)

olivefun said:


> Adrian, jump in and tell us a bit about yourself and what path brought you to us.



Sorry, this is kinda long!

Actually, I have been around awhile. Way back when Dimensions first went on-line I was a member. Then I drifted away and came back late last year.
I discovered Dimensions (paper!) Magazine back around issue #20. I was a subscriber until the magazine was no longer in print. I started viewing Dimensions On-line shortly after it started.


Personally, I have been an admirer of BBW's openly since kindergarden! That is when I first encountered children from outside my ghetto. Kids in my ghetto knew you don't say anything negative against BBWs. You would be talking about someone's mother, grandmother, aunt or, sister! It simply was not politically correct or tolerated. Kindergarden, is when I realized that there were boys who didn't like BBWs.
My wife has always been a BBW and as we had children she became a SSBBW. That is when I discovered my true affinity was for SSBBWs.

I have been married for forty-one years, father of six (four of whom are adopted and, are racially mixed) and, GRANDFATHER of eleven! My oldest, daughter forty and my youngest, was my son twenty-four -murdered last December 11th. Children are my life!! My first four children are girls. So being active in raising my children I have been a Girl Scout Leader (Troops #740 [Junior Scouts] & #905 [Bownie & Junior Scouts]), boys and girls soccer coach, Little League, softball coach and a girl's track & field coach! (whew!!)

I am also a volunteer at the local PBS station as a cameraman. I have progresssed to the point where I help train, new people who want to be camera people. KTEH TV station here in San Jose, is the only PBS station in the country that uses volunteers to opporate technicle equiptment on pledge breaks and auctions! (Camera people, program director, floor director, audio, lighting, sound, etc.)

MY GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT - is working with my wife to raise my four daughters, through their teen years with NO,,, pregnancies and, NO involvement in drugs!!!! For three years we had four teenage daughters, I guess I'm a glutton for punishment!
MY PROUDEST MOMENT - was Christmas of '99 when I presented my four oldest grandchildren (5-10 yo.), custom backpacks to each of them. Each backpack was designed to fit each grandchild. These backpacks were designed and sewn by me! These backpacks are used when I take them or sometimes my children take them, backpacking!!

I plan to stay active in my grandchildren's life although not to the same extent I was with my children.... that pleasure belongs to their parents. There is a reason God gives babies to young people, one word -energy!
Along with coaching children, I also enjoy backpacking, cross country skiing, snow camping, snorkling (love Hawaii -the Big Island, Kauai and, Maui), designing and sewing my backpacking and other outdoors equiptment (backpacks, sleeping bags, stuff sacks, etc.)!

I was the "WORLD's FIRST" Black Integrated Circuit Design Draftsman back in August of '66, here in Silicon Valley! Currently I am on dissability due to "clincial depression"!

I am somewhat introverted and retrospective by nature but, in order to better serve my family I force myself to be more extroverted and I am a "night person". My most productive hours are between 8PM and 3AM! Whereas the "work world" does not really does not care about my likes and dislikes, I used to work 9AM to 6PM job.
I am conservative by nature and I feel that women should be full partners in life and should be treated & paid accordingly.
When with a woman I treat her as though she is a queen, opening doors for her, helping be seated, etc.. I jokingly say it is because I am trying to get a grant from the Sierra Club as an endangered species, "a gentleman"! LOL

Have a good day -Adrian


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## olivefun (Jun 5, 2006)

Adrian, 
Welcome. 

Phew to you. 
I am so sorry to hear about the death of your son in December. So close to Christmas, and at the hand of another. It must have been devastating! I am sure that pain will continue for a long time. There is no rhyme or reason sometimes. 

Sounds like your life is full and fulfilling too. 
These custom backpacks sound like a fantastic thing. 
What rings from your letter is the respect you show your children, knowing where your role as a grandparent, and their roles as parents exist in relationship to one another. There are always tests, but if respect underlies it, then all is good in the end. 

Is your wife a large woman? I assume she is, but don't know. 
It sounds like your community involvement is a big part of your life. I love to hear of someone like you. I think the death of the city is when people just live in gated homes (either real or figurative) with little interaction with their neighbours and people who live nearby in the bigger communities. But that is me. 

I am looking forward to seeing you on these boards more. Curious to your point of view, with so much going on in your world. 

Welcome! 

Olive


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## Adrian (Jun 6, 2006)

olivefun said:


> I am so sorry to hear about the death of your son in December.


Thanx for the condolences. It is painful from from the standpoint that, you expect your parents and the older generation to die first. You also expect that you will outlive your children. So when you outlive your child, mentally you have nothing in your mind to cope with this disaster.
In the movie "Preditor," when the big guy -Blain is killed by the alien, that is how your stomach feels when you first hear the news. You feel like your guts, your thorax has just been blown away!



olivefun said:


> It must have been devastating! I am sure that pain will continue for a long time.


Yeah, it will.
I also feel our family was 'blind-sided' by the fact that we did not live in a city that had real gang problems. As it turned out my son was at a restaurant in the city next to ours -north. There was a gang in another city that bordered our -west that travelled about ten miles looking looking for members of a Tonganese gang. This was a non-Black minority gang -the area's chapter of the Los Angeles street gang the "Cripps!" These two gangs had problems earlier that day about thirty miles away. So the local gang went to this particular restaurant looking to even the score. The DA expects the trial to start in about two years, there are seven young men (ages 16 to 24) being charged with murder.



olivefun said:


> These custom backpacks sound like a fantastic thing


Attached are a couple of pictures of three of my grandchildren on Christmas day. These cute little backpacks were number five, six &, seven that I have designed and sewn.



olivefun said:


> Is your wife a large woman?


YES, she is.

Adrian

P.S. -The next posting will be positive! 

View attachment GrndDautr_BPs_2.jpg


View attachment Camping_Dave_PP.jpg


View attachment Jackie_1l.jpg


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## olivefun (Jun 6, 2006)

My goodness Adrian, what an adorable family!

The kids, you, your wife, each picture adds a piece to a really lovely picture.

Do not distress about the next post being positive or not. It is what it is, and you are what you are. Yes you have endured the unimaginable hell, but you are positive, making the people you love happy.

Keep on being wonderful.
I really like the look on your sweetie's face.
She seems like a lovely person. All of you do.

Welcome.


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## FitChick (Jun 8, 2006)

I "lost" this thread for a while Adrian, but let me say you have a lovely family! Your wife is so confident looking, so pretty...the rest of you are very attractive too...and you sound like you have been a wonderful husband and father. Your family is very fortunate!


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## EllorionsDarlingAngel (Jun 8, 2006)

Chimpi said:


> So, there was one day, I came across a girl I thought was decently attractive on Match.com, and I decided to Mail her. I think she was the first I went after. I didn't think I was good enough for her. She seemed stuck-up, but hey, a guys gotta start somewhere with the big ladies, right? So, I went after her, and VERY long story short, she's Erin, the one I am still with.
> She didn't open me up to anything BBW or any of this online community or size acceptance. I actually informed her of it. She was planning on getting the gastric bypass surgery, but decided not to since I have raised her self-esteem to such high levels. I'm glad for that.



Ok First off Baby... I wasn't the first one there was someone before me that you had contacted. For some reason it didn't work out. you guys Dated or went on a date something like that. I am not sure but you told me about it some time after we got together in one of our long chats we *use* to have. I would like to have more of them.  

Secondly... *YOU THOUGHT I WAS STUCK UP!!!:shocked: * I don't remember you telling me that when we first started talking, you thought that about me?!?! Boy now that was like a smack on the face...lol...In my defense.. When You first emailed me. you were 19 and I was 20 turning 21. I new guys that were 19 and well they were very immature.. So I wasn't sure if I wanted to date you. I got to know you and Now I have fallen in love with you! 

Third... yes you did bring up my self-esteem. I am so grateful for that! I know think I am a beautiful women! I feel even more when I have you next to me! I love you Sweetheart!:kiss2: 

My History of SA.. I didn't know at all about this community! I was shocked to find out. I had had boyfriends a couple. Not many. But Chimpi was the one that brought me out of my shell. One day I hope he will be the man I marry. He knows this.. at My Baby! Thats about it.


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## BBHCgirl (Jun 11, 2006)

I've been big my whole life really. Starting probably from about 3rd grade as a chubby child, growing more into a fat middle school kid, and then into a plus size girl in high school. Which would have been probably 10 times worse if i didnt try out for a plus size modeling cattle call. I was 15 and the age limits were 16-60. My mom told me not to get my hopes up and that i was probably too young. ( My family to this point, while very loving, always tried to "help" me with my weight issue. From suggestions of Jenny Craig at age 12, to joining weight watchers at age 13 and forced to go to a gym at age 14.) So she took me, and in a room with hundreds of women bigger, smaller ( i weighed about 220) i waited. I had my chance, walked the runway and was talked to by the casting woman. Then we left and went on our way. I heard from them the very next night. I was sooo thrilled. And while this would cost my parents more than Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and a gym all combined... they were being there to support me. 
Modeling school helped me with self confidence. Especially being with all plus size women. I loved it! But after i graduated from there, school and life got in the way and i didnt model much afterwards. Over the years i gained more weight. Through stress, starting to drive to fast food joints, and no PE class. Deep down it didnt bother me that i gained weight. It bothered me that other people were bothered by MY weight. After graduation from school, i stayed at home and didnt go away to a university. I partied with friends, went to community college for a while, and just got into a bad crowd. Dated guys who thought i was sweet and had a pretty face. But who were always hoping i would lose a lil weight so i wouldnt be the "fat" girlfriend. After heartbreaking break ups, i turned to munchies. Gained even more weight, and had people making me feel like there was something wrong with me because how i looked. I tried diets... but as we all know they dont work! Finally, after a close family friend was about to give me The South Beach Diet book as a christmas present ( my mom stopped that) She instead gave me a book call The Mastery of Love. It talked about self love and how if you love yourself it doesnt matter what others think. you will be happy and you can only be happy with someone else if you are happy with yourself. 
So i decided to change my life. Put on a more positive attitude and get my life back in order. I enrolled in massage school. Quit smoking cigs and the wacky tabacky. Nothing will get you more comfortable with your own body like going to a school where you are REQUIRED to get naked on a massage table for your fellow students to massage you. I gained so much self confidence and feel great about myself. I now weigh about 360 lbs and im the happiest i think ive ever been. I am dating one of the best guys ive ever known. He makes me feel even sexier at my size and i love it! I started my own pro- Fat club called the BBHC on myspace. I love who i am now. A fat activist  and i dont regret anything that happened to me, good or bad. its made me the strong woman i am today.


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## jimj (Jun 15, 2006)

I suppose I have always been somewhat of an FA but did not realize it for years.When my wife whom had always been thin started to get a little plump I found it very sexy.I told her how much I liked it and how I'd love to see her put on some weight.She was not for it at all and just wanted to lose the weight.Her mom and sister are both heavy so maybe it's genetics or maybe just because she's older or who knows why but she continued to gain bit by bit.As she got bigger I found that I looked at heavier women a lot more.At the same time my wife seemed to stop thinking about ever being thin again and started to really enjoy her size.Around this time I started to explore what was happening me on the internet and realized I was an FA.I also realized that throughout my life I had found quite a few BBW attractive but didn't realize it.After awhile my taste in size also changed.At first I just wanted to see my wife a little chunky but soon my desire was to see her plump.She is 
5'-3" and I remember The first time I wanted to see her reach a certain weight it was 180lbs.Leading up to that weight was so exciting because so many changes took place.The way she walked,the way she moved,the way she got up from the couch.By the time she got to that weight I told her I would love to see her get to 230lbs. and that would be just right.The problem was that I found that the more I got into weight gain the more I became attracted to very large women.She was really enjoying how her body looked and felt.As she gained she became much less active and it became easier to gain.She asked if I would want to see her heavier,and I admitted that I dreamed of seeing her around 350lbs. but that at 5'-3 " wouldn't want her to be uncomfortable.Eventually she reached 280lbs. and seems to have settled at about 260lbs.Along the way she has become a completely different woman in so many ways.I love how big she is and let everyone know it.She also,as she puts it,loves how it feels to be a fat hottie.The only time I've ever heard her complain is about when she started to get a double chin.But it looks sexy.Finding out I was an FA was the best feeling in the world.


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## olivefun (Jun 15, 2006)

I love reading this Jimij!
Thanks for sharing this slice of your happiness with us.

Olive


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## Rainahblue (Jun 17, 2006)

I also love reading everyone's stories here! This is such a great thread. 

My SA story is relatively short: I was never thin, even as a child, but I started worrying about my weight in high school (of course). Even though I was incredibly active and very healthy, I wasn't thin like my peers, siblings, or parents. Not to mention society's constant brainwashing of teens into believing that if they aren't thin, something is wrong.

Fortunately, I never developed an eating disorder (although I am a sugar addict) and I never yo-yo dieted. Over the years, the only thing that has really changed with my weight is the difference in my body when I'm more active and my mentality.

Gradually I've accepted just how I look and feel. When I realized years ago that I felt good about my health and weight, I wondered why I was so concerned with what other people, most of whom weren't even a part of my life, thought of me! I slowly infiltrated my way into the plus-sized community, including managing a Lane Bryant store a few years ago. Every little step led me toward accepting my body...

Now I don't hide behind my fat, I flaunt it. I also run a small BBW/SA group online which is so great; seeing other people equally confident and proud of who they are always encourages me.

In Light & Love,
Rain​


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## RhondaG (Jun 17, 2006)

My mom thought that fat women were ugly. She passed away when I was 23. I was on one diet after the other in my late teens and early 20's, until one day I discovered Dimensions and other magazines that were available then, such as BBW. I enjoyed reading that fat could be sexy and desirable. I started opening my eyes to the gentlemen who were checking me out, instead of dismissing their interest as "desperation". I guess I was very fortunate to have become involved in size-acceptance at an early age. It pains me to see big, beautiful people criticize themselves because they aren't thin.  There's so much more to life than being thin!


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## olivefun (Jun 17, 2006)

RhondaG said:


> My mom thought that fat women were ugly.



A lot of people think that way.
There is a lot of money invested in making us feel badly about the way we look. Maybe it's to convince us to spend money to make us look different.
Whatever the motivation, it is very sad, but it works.

Glad you are here, happy and posting, Rhonda.


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## Next_Exit (Jun 19, 2006)

*Well..My fat history is simple. I was born with a bone disease that didn't rear it's ugly head until I was 5. When the Dr.'s promptly put me in double braces and warned my parents that if I were to fall a wrong way and bump my hip bone I would be crippled for life. So at a very young age I was wheelchair bound. I couldn't get up and run, I didn't have friends, I couldn't even ride the bus to school, a cab (paid for by the school system) picked me up and brought me home everyday. By the time I was 12 I was a size 14, by the time I hit high school I was a very nice sized 22. I had the worst high school experience of my life. The boys used to take bets to see who could "Sleep with the fat girl first" I made sure no one did. I was very...protective of my feelings, and for that reason I became very introverted. I didn't connect well with people and I left for college never knowing what a kiss felt like. 

In college I managed a hand full of dates and even a boyfriend for three whole months. I have never hated myself for being fat. I have accepted that as I have accepted my disease. I hated myself for sitting back and letting people make me feel less than human. Making me feel like I didn't deserve to be around others, that the common human courtesy wasn't something I could have. THAT is what drove me out into the world. Internet played a part in it. I met some friends on here I have had for years and back me up in everything I do. I am single, but now it is a choice and not something that I use to keep me isolated. 

I tell people that being a bbw is a privilege, not something to be pitied. Being the way I am has taught me more than any school, class, or book ever could. It taught me self respect, and a love for ALL humans...

Casey*


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## Rainahblue (Jun 19, 2006)

I'm so glad you shared your story, Casey. You are brave and beautiful and I'm proud to be your friend!

:kiss2: SMOOCH!
Rain​


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## TallFatSue (Jun 19, 2006)

Next_Exit said:


> I tell people that being a bbw is a privilege, not something to be pitied. Being the way I am has taught me more than any school, class, or book ever could. It taught me self respect, and a love for ALL humans...


Casey, it does my heart good to hear stories like yours. Of course I wish you never had to deal with a bone disease in the first place, but you have dealt with it in extremely positive ways, and that it impressive. You are indeed a better person for it, and you appreciate and understand so much that other people simply take for granted.

It also confirms something I have always believed. Despite the occasional inconveniences and hassles of hauling around a few hundred pounds of extra body fat, obesity has truly been a net positive. I wear my fat with pride because it has made me a stronger person, forced me to think independently, and helped teach me what is and is not truly important in life.


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## LookingAround (Jun 19, 2006)

Casey, thanks for telling your story. It's so inspiring to come across people that are just happy being themselves.


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## Freyja (Jun 19, 2006)

I think I was really pretty normal weight growing up. Weight was an issue for my parents and so something spoken of often in my household. It wasnt until I became a teenager and developed breasts very early that I started to really gain weight. I think part of the reason was to deflect the attention adult males had started to give me....


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## Next_Exit (Jun 20, 2006)

Thank you Looking Around and TallFatSue for your kind words. Rain you know I love you. I've been through too much in my l ife to consentrate on the negative. life is full of positives, so I'm not Scarlett Johansen. Who cares? I'm me and I think I'm quite cute. 

But despite everything...I'm extremely happy with my life. 

Casey


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## SwedishBBW (Jun 24, 2006)

I was born thin but at the age of about 3 or 4 I gained weight.
I dunno if it was my parents lack of interest in vegetables
and healthy food (They were both slim)
or if their breakup did it for me.

I grew up in a surrounding where it wasn't accepted to be fat
and I just gained. Every year I put on some lbs.
I guess most ppl grew up in that kind of surrounding.

When I started to discover Internet in 1995/1996
I happened to be in a chatroom and a guy there told
me about this site. I still remember the link pencomputing.com
something. 
So I checked the chatroom out, and voila!
I discovered that you could be big and still be beautiful not just on the inside but the outside too. It did me loads of good.
So I've got plenty to thank this site of :wubu:


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## ~angelpassion~ (Jun 28, 2006)

My size acceptance for me didn't come about until the summer of 2000. I wasn't big growing up. Maybe 10-20lbs over up through high school. I had very low self esteem due to being picked on for many reasons other than weight. After high school and the next couple of years I lost weight to where I was very skinny. I was a size 4 and 110lbs. I looked sick. I wasn't any happier because my self esteem still was very low. It wasn't until the summer of 90 that I started gaining weight. I put my back out and had to quit smoking. I gained 30 lbs when I was laid out on my back for 3 months. I got married in 91 I was up to 160 (my ex had met me when I was 110lbs). Then found out I was pregnant. I couldn't eat anything but bland food while pregnant so after my son was born in 92 I ate what ever I could. By August 92 I was 207lbs. I really was down on myself. The thing was it was part of my life (my low self esteem) that I really never thought of it. If you know what I mean. Over then next 7yrs I gained more weight. With 2 miscarriages and fertitlity problems and various other reasons food was my many comfort. By the time I was 5 months pregnant in 1999 with our 2nd son I was 250lbs and my ex decided he no longer loved me and hated how big I was. He told me "If I had met you now(at the weight you are) then when I did(at 110lbs) I would probably never even crossed the street to talk to you." He wanted a divorce. He stayed until my son was born and left when he was 2 months old. I gained another 30lbs. So when I happened to talk to a guy in the summer of 2000 he was an fa. He told me about dims. Asked me to check it out. I did. I found dims chat and met many nice people. I began to realize that I was pretty and that I was a good person inside and out. That I actually liked myself. So thanks to dims I found me.


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## RhondaG (Jun 28, 2006)

Angelpassion, I cried when reading your story. Thanks so much for sharing it. You are obviously a beautiful person, and didn't deserve your ex-husband's ignorant cruelty. God bless you; I'm so glad things are going much better now and that you're happy! Dimensions has done SO much good for many people, including myself.


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## ~angelpassion~ (Jun 28, 2006)

Thank you for your kind words. Yes things are much better for me now all I have do is find a good guy lol take care and be safe


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## lizzy (Jul 2, 2006)

Although not thought of as fat by some (I am between 16/16W), I started out rather thin, but upon hitting puberty I became quite pudgy until I was in my early twenties. I thinned out for a time - getting too thin. Then had a child - not losing the fifty pounds until much later. Then lost more. It was then that I met a boyfriend who was around 400 pounds. He dressed well, and I didn't realize how heavy he was until he took off his coat at our first meeting. I must confess that I was a little shocked. But, he was incredibly sexy and I soon realized that I was a FA . It wasn't until later that I discovered what an FA was. What I didn't realize was that he also a FA and a feeder. It was a very fattening relationship. I put on 25 pounds in a few months. Although the relationship ended, I continued to put on weight. The numbers on the scale kept going up and up. I don't think I really want to get heavier than this. But, I do like my fuller figure.


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## FatBoy (Jul 5, 2006)

I am not an aduit, but I was skinny up untill I was about 8 or 9! I am losing
weight as I grow. I know its wier saying this after I joined the forum, but I'm
glad I am getting skinnier as I grow! I just dont want to be one of those
skinny little runts! The ones whose ribs are a vivible as ther face!


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## Next_Exit (Jul 5, 2006)

FatBoy said:


> I am not an adult



How old are ya?


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## FatBoy (Jul 5, 2006)

I am 13! I will be 14 in just a few months


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## jooliebug (Jul 7, 2006)

This is my first post on these forums. I am still having some problems accepting my own size and I have been big my whole life. I guess I sort of bought in to it when I was told my whole life "you have such a pretty face.....
I'm sure most of you have herd it in one form or another. Things are getting better though I am learning that it isn't me who has the problem but all the fat phobic jerks out there. I don't think every man should be attracted to me but I do belive we should all be kinder to one another. 

View attachment Julie 1.jpg


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## DangerousCurves (Jul 8, 2006)

I was a pretty skinny kid, and I never realized that there was a difference between fat people and skinny people, that was until second grade when I started growing. Even then, I wasn't fat, I was just tall... but standing a head above everyone else in your class can be just as traumatizing for a girl. In second grade, I remember being weighed and measured as a class in the nurse's office. The door was open and my friend, Anthony, was waiting his turn after I was finished. "81 pounds," the nurse said aloud. Since the door was open, of course everyone heard it. "_81 pounds?!_" I heard Anthony exclaim. I had never before considered that I was anything other than normal. After that, I really became more aware of myself as compared to others. I couldn't help being tall, and I always was one of the tallest people in my classes up until 8th grade (I stopped growing at a very normal 5'8"). Around sixth or seventh grade I realized that I was getting bigger than my friends. I remember noticing stretch marks on my lower abdomen and thinking something was wrong with me, but I was too afraid to go to my mom. After that, my weight ballooned gradually through the rest of middle school and high school. I graduated around 260 pounds, which is where I have existed to this day. I've never really gotten over my hangups about my body and this has greatly affected my personal life. I've always been nervous around guys, thinking that I don't deserve them, that they aren't attracted to me anyway, and that I'll nab someone someday when I am skinny. I've recently tried to dissassociate myself from negative thoughts like these since I've returned to Dimensions Forums. I'm starting to feel better and more confident about myself, knowing that there are other people out there like me going though what I've gone through. I'm incredibly lucky and appreciate my life, but now I'm starting to realize that there's something more that's been missing- me accepting my body and realizing how beautiful I really am (not just "the girl with the pretty face"). So, tomorrow night I'm goin' to the bar and aimin' to make out with a hot FA... wish me luck!


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## CuteyChubb (Jul 13, 2006)

I have only recently begun to accept me. I didn't start gaining weight until I was 6, after my uncle molested me. He told me if I told, he'd say I was lying. I never told. I also stopped being a regular kid. I didn't want to go outside to play. I stayed inside, to myself and found that being full made me feel better. I soon became chubby and being west Indian, chubby was unacceptable to put it mildly. 

I'm going to skip now past all the details of the diets mom put me on and the diet pills and the fat jokes and the no dates or prom in high school and the deaths of my parents (dad when I was 16 and mom when I was 21), the boyfriends who liked me in private but never in public, the drug use and abuse, the suicide attempts, the Dr. who told me at 20 yrs old I was too fat to have a baby and should have an abortion (my daughter is now 15 and my first true love) the years of single mother hood and financial struggle to last April, 2005.

I had been going out every weekend by myself since that Valentines day. Lonely but wanting to get out there. Id had a couple of flings that were only about sex which left me feeling whorrible. As I drove to the club that night, with tears in my eyes I prayed and asked God to help me find him. I said Lord, you know why I'm going out tonight. Please let me meet a good man who will love me, who I can love. I got there around 11pm. Nobody would even look at me. I bought myself a few drinks and looked at my watch, 1:45, club closes in 15 min. I looked up to see the outstretched hand of my future husband asking me to dance.

He's 8 yrs younger than me, sexy, and loves me. I'm in love. We got married this past April but I had not accepted myself yet. I was uncomfortable being married. My head kept telling me, he doesn't really love me. 

I saw something on the internet about the worlds heaviest man, Manuel Uribe losing weight. He is about 1000lbs now and the pic of him made me feel a bit thankful that I was "only" 406lbs. Then I started surfing the net and as luck would have it, found you guys. Things are beginning to change. I feel different, better, happy, loved. 

My relationship with my hubby is lots better, too. I am only just beginning this new awakening but I am soooooooooooooooooooooo very thankful to have begun.


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## bigfatstripeycat (Jul 13, 2006)

I was always a fat person. When I was 7 (1979/1980), my parents put me on the Scarsdale Diet for a few weeks. I remember that I hid the book, to little avail, and cheered when I saw on the news that his wife shot him. I had no idea why, but I knew that the author of the diet book was dead.

In 1981, my 3rd grade teacher put me on a scale. I came in at 81 pounds. She talked to my mother, who put me on a diet of pineapple and shrimp. I remember losing 10 pounds and the class making a big deal about it--making cards and everything. But again, I rebounded.

From 1981-1984, my grandmother was a seller of the Cambridge Diet--a horribly chalky powdered liquid diet plan. During the summers, my father would put me on Cambridge, and I spent most of the time trying to find bottles (I grew up in Michigan, with a bottle deposit law--10 cents for each one) to cash in for candy. In 1985, my father took me to Diet Center--a franchise weight loss operation. I'd weigh in each morning, and talk with a counselor about my progress. One morning, with dad out of town, my grandmother took me in to weigh in. I guess I opened up to the counselor and told her that I was unhappy about what my father was doing--unaware that my little brother was eavesdropping through the door. I remember that the counselor mentioned that dad was a little manipulative. I didn't go back. Dad stopped taking me, convinced that the counselor was trying to turn me.

In Fall 1985, dad had me in a ricecake diet. In January 1986, Dad enrolled me in a hospital program called "Fit Kids," wher we did stuff from a workbook, and then did a lot of stair climbing around the hospital for exercise.

Summer 1986 was the big one--fat camp. I spent two weeks at Camp Vanguard, then run by Weight Watchers. I was on the WW diet, but didn't like the camp that much. I came in halfway through the summer, so most of the kids had already made social networks, and I was the "new" guy. I remember spending a lot of time in the gym, hitting tennis balls against the wall. And as always, the weight came back.

Once I was 15, the wacky diets stopped. I guess that dad realized he'd never keep me on a diet, but instead turned to guilt and demonizing food whenever I ate it. I remember my doctor warning me about my weight--then at about 265.

In 1990, as a college freshman, I remember putting myself on a cheese sandwich diet, and lost some weight. But as always, it came back on--up to 325 pounds. 

In 1997, I made another go at losing weight--living on one plate of pasta per day for about 8 months. Again, as soon as I stopped, it came back on. I'd spend the next 7 years yo-yo'ing, up and down--always getting over 300 pounds.

Finally, in 2004, I did some reflecting on my life and realized that most of it was spent in thie diet and loss cycle, from age 7 to 31. Being big again, I decided to embrace it instead of fighting it, and my life's been a lot easier. Deep down inside, I was always cool with being fat. In my social circles, I was the "big guy"--the one kept around to growl, snarl, and throw out menacing looks when evildoers were in our areas. But, part of me wanted to be thin, thinking that it would expand my social circle. While I always got some immediate attention for losing weight, it would wear off. In retrospect, it was sort of like a drug rush. I had to get bigger, so I could lose more, so I could boast about how much more weight I'd lost. When I heard friends joking about it behing my back ("oh, he's gotten fat and lost it AGAIN?"), I realized that I was judt doing it for attention and decided to work on making myself happy. Thus, I decided to embrace my body instead of fighting it.


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## truth38 (Jul 23, 2006)

bigfatstripeycat said:


> I was always a fat person. When I was 7 (1979/1980), my parents put me on the Scarsdale Diet for a few weeks. I remember that I hid the book, to little avail, and cheered when I saw on the news that his wife shot him. I had no idea why, but I knew that the author of the diet book was dead.
> 
> In 1981, my 3rd grade teacher put me on a scale. I came in at 81 pounds. She talked to my mother, who put me on a diet of pineapple and shrimp. I remember losing 10 pounds and the class making a big deal about it--making cards and everything. But again, I rebounded.
> 
> ...



Wow, your life sounds like the way mine was. Endless diets, programs I was put into by my mother. I think it is great that you have acceptance and finally found happiness.


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## TallFatSue (Jul 24, 2006)

truth38 said:


> Wow, your life sounds like the way mine was. Endless diets, programs I was put into by my mother. I think it is great that you have acceptance and finally found happiness.


I love this forum. When compare my experiences with other fat people, it seems like I got off easy. My mother harped on my weight all the time when I was a girl, and she was the Queen of Mixed Messages like: "clean your plate, but lose the weight." Even today, when I'm 49 and she's 74, she still slips in a few zingers like: "Doesn't it bother you to have that belly of yours hanging out for all the world to see?"  

*BUT* (and I have a very big butt  ) my mother never actually tried to put me on a diet. In retrospect, she probably showed her love with food, so putting me on a diet would have defeated her purpose. No wonder she gave me such mixed messages. So, I feel pretty doggone lucky after all.


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## MetalheadMissy74 (Aug 4, 2006)

I grew up in Ogdensburg,Ny I now live in Norwood still northern ny . Up here its all bout a fashion show. I grew up the fat kid in class abused ridiculed. I am gonna say bout age 9 in 4th grade stupid me gets her first mensturation and has boobs. Made fun of cause of that. I spend my k-3rd grade over at Catholic school. Even in church school i was ridiculed by others I thought god loves everyone ?Anyhow ,I always felt like an outsider. I am a oddball look at my name alone. I am a metalhead and a fat chick right there you got two subcultures all in one package. I found out at age 27 I had polycystic ovarian syndrome . IT took me til that age to find out i been carrying a weight causing disease. I always thought I was as the kids in highschool called me fat pig glutton. My mom can tell people I don't eat alot to say so.I have a sluggish metabolism I have trouble losing. I even toyed around this past year went to a bariatric seminar was going to go through the tests but witih my low self esteem and depression I had a friend recommend I not do that and my medical doctor. didn't think i could accept the bad if it did happen i was only looking at it from a black and white aspect not looking at it from all angles. I was thinking oh boy i have this done all my problems will be gone. Then I started reading on the net all the problems people on feeding tubes. My mom worked at a nursing home for years as a lpn she's a funeral director also but I remember her telling me how they'd have to feed those people on those. it wasn't pretty from the sounds of it i didn't wanna spend rest of my lfie hooked up to machines being i am a thestic satanist/laveyian and pagan combined. I prefer ot keep myself living under natural means. and to me the surgery seemed to destroy mother nature gave us and gave us that for a reason so now I am on gila monster venom (exenatide/gastric bypass in a shot form,lizard spit its trade name is byetta great medicine i love it),and i am doing well losing weight blood sugars been the best its ever been my pcos symptoms are just bout gone. I wish I had found out sooner i had this and the treatments were avaible years ago cause my life in highschool and in my community has been nothing but a living hell. Thank god for my metalhead friends who understand differences cause we are one big happy family they accept everyone who likes what they like . some of them even help me and encourage weight loss for my health and are understanding when things don't go good and don't bash me for it. I had a messed up life cause of pcos. the facial hair is horrible i was called harry and the hendersons in highschool . come on how original is that?. jeesh. . I am still today finding it hard to love myself even with psycho therapy and help with self esteem my therapist says weight loss will improve this. so thats why i do it. it will help self image . and was even for the surgery but she understands one thing i gotta love myself now anyhow or i won't then and helps. I try my hardest without my metal music haha i tell alotta people this there'd be alotta dead bodies under my house. death metal keeps me from hurting idiots who find it necessary to abuse me. ITs kinda like on the documentary Metal A headbangers journey slilpknot says they'd rather us people be into them then actually hurting others doing the mosh pit thing. playing violent video games . THANK GOD FOR OUTLETS. A healthy way to vent anger and pain i use artwork to do this also. well thats why i am here and into bbw groups to learn self love now i know i gotta lose weight cause of diabetes thats the only reason i will i dont' wanna meet the end way my grandpa did on machines  thats not me. .  I am definitly a different person . and I am a FREAK i admit it i dont' hide it in the closet. . i 'd rather be a freak unique then like everyone else. i tell my friends they like my words how i say it if I was to be like everyone else i wouldn't have a thing called DNA  .


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## merseylass (Sep 1, 2006)

I was born a prem baby and weighed 3lbs. 15oz...and the family joke has always been "I was born at such a low birth weight and I've been making up for it ever since." I laugh at this joke in all the appropriate places, even tell the joke line myself....but in reality it hurts!

My mom had me so frightened of her as a child (she was emotionally and physically abusive to me up til I was about 13 yrs. of age)...and had me at drs. about my weight continuing to rise and not one dr. addressed the real problem....my mom's abuse and my feeling loss of control and the control I could exercise with food to bring me comfort. I was shy and withdrawn as a child...another symptom of the abuse/fat. She would use food to deprive me/punish me and also to reward me...again as many have said in earlier posts it was a very mixed message indeed.

I continued through my teens to gain weight...was put on every diet going, lost weight and gained weight (yo-yo syndrom) and with each gain I added more pounds than before the latest "diet". I attended weight watchers, was hospitalized for 6 weeks of the school summer holidays in an attempt to put some discipline/control into my eating (didn't lose very much weight there either). 

I did lose a fair amount of weight after the death of my mom (I was 18yrs. old when she died), went to WW and was doing a lot to try and change my image with the weight loss. That too soon lost its attraction and I regained my weight...and more. This has been the recurring situation right up to the present. I have an underactive thyroid but take medication so I should be stabilizing my weight or even losing. But then there is this "learned behaviour" of comfort eating/depression/comfort eating/depression...the old cycle!! It's my enemy and my friend tbh. 

I determined two years ago that I would no longer go to any weight loss groups or take any medication to assist weight loss....I would adopt low-fat eating and I would be in control...if I lost weight, great and if I didn't, it didn't matter. Of course my gp was very pleased (as I was) that the weight began to shift. I was so pleased....I was in control. Well...now I am not in control of my eating; it has spiralled out of control once again, I am depressed about it and feel nothing will ever change. I have delayed going to the gp again to get weighed (I go monthly) and am due to go again next week. I am in therapy (CBT) and see myself falling apart. I know the gp will listen to me next week when I go, will sympathize and will likely offer again the referral to a consultant re WLS. I have always refused to consider this as an option....the risk is too great for a start and secondly I enjoy food and don't want to be deprived of this pleasure the rest of my days!

I have not felt my fat to be acceptable for much of my life. There are multiple complications relating to my history of emotional issues (up to the present day with my dh) and I really want to embrace for all time the kind of acceptance many of you have found with your bodies.

I do not receive compliments and believe them...almost making apologies for when people comment on my smile, my clothes, my gentleness etc. I really hope the day of acceptance is soon to arrive for me....I almost got there once many years ago but.....well I didn't quite arrive iyswim. Long post again. I sort of apologize for this...but it is so good to get it out and believe that many will relate to what I have experienced/felt. Kind of gives me permission to be who I am....if that makes sense to anyone????

Jacquie x


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## Fyreflyintheskye (Sep 1, 2006)

it all started when i discovered sugar.

I was born 8lbs. 7 ounces... normal size, maybe high normal... but my mom has a healthy appetite so i partook of that. 

i started getting chubby at 4 and never looked back.

i started to physically develop at 11, so everything got bigger then.

i think my ass stopped growing after 16 or 17... damn, damn, damn it all.

I was 247lbs. when my Dad passed away just shy of my 21st bday. when i was 21, i weighed 275 (my thirty lbs of grief, i think). 22, 280. 23, 290. (stress?) 26, 338. 27 (now), 312. (I'm not losing intentionally. it's just happening on its own)

my breasts didn't quit growing until 22 or 23. I've reason to believe i'm in for quite a surprise if i ever become pregnant, because many women have mammorial (lol) growth spurts with all the bodily hormones around during pregnancy. LosBagels' mom went up like 3 cup sizes after she had him. makes me a little nervous. i was just hoping for some more butt fat to round me out. I'm praying it will... and it's selfish... I don't care! i want this one thing 

Oh, right... there's a psychological aspect to this as well. Forgot. I was always happy with me, whichever size i was. Never had a shortage of self esteem. i feel like I have always been the most accepting person in my life. The only negativity i ever got about being fat was from family. Friends and other people were all accepting of it as well. Family would make little digs like the infamous, "you'd be a knockout if you lost 100lbs," which was always countered w/, "you'd be charming if you stopped talking," etc. lol. We had fun with it, but it was, at times, annoying. What business is it of anyone else's, family or not (don't care), how i choose to look and how I'm comfortable? i would just shrug sometimes and remind family that I've never really had trouble dating and my friends love me for me, so why does my size really matter so much to them? S'about it. It hurts me reading all these posts about how some of you have struggled with body issues. I'm sorry for that. The only way i can say this is - at the end of the day, it's just you and your bed. You've just got to be comfortable with you and how you are and what you look like.  if you're not, no one else will be... I guess.


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## Fyreflyintheskye (Sep 1, 2006)

ohhh, bigfatstripeycat, my mom was the same way. She loved putting me on diets. i was a gerbil, basically... at the whim and mercy of the strictest and weirdest diets out there. The more she restricted me, the more i gained. I would eat in private and do whatever i liked. i would find ways to trick her, etc. I gained weight for spite most of the time. lmao. 

it made me elated to see her pissed off by my weight gain. i relished it. 

She brought me to nutritional clinics (of course i know what a portion is... I just eat two or three times that for fun, lol!) and weight psychiatrists (i hid prozac under my tongue and spat it out later... then, i replaced a whole bottle with aspirin after I dumped them into the bushes in the front yard. Can you imagine what would possess a doctor to give a 12 and 13 yr old girl anti-depressants when she wasn't depressed? his reasoning was that i must, indeed, be depressed. It's written all over my size, isn't it?  She's fat. she must be a miserable person. lmao!)

it's such a shame to see that so many parents did this to their kids. If my Dad weren't always so busy or traveling and i'd have vented to him about it, he'd have probably had my mom committed. 

Your worth and how much your kids mean to you isn't measured by how they look or what their grades are or how many friends they have or what they do. It's immeasurably measured by unconditional love. 

Duh!:doh: 

Parents should have to take classes before being permitted to conceive. Yeah! i said it!... take THAT, hyde park!


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## superodalisque (Sep 4, 2006)

i was very thin as a child until i was 6. i was tall tiny delicate and small boned during a time when it was fashionable to have fat and chunky babies--1963. my mother gave me some weird vitamim mixture called "father john's"something or other. evidently it increased my appetite and i began to gain. my mother soon began to call me fat in some kind of harsh hard and negative voice. i really resented that. i was always rebellious and independent in a strange way. so i began to eat more on my own. i always had my own way of thinking. i think it pleased me to run her a bit crazy gaining weight, especially since no one except she and my sister cared if i were fat.

my father and 4 brothers thought i was the prettiest thing. my male cousins said they would marry me if they weren't related. i remember my uncles squeezing my arms and remarking about me being fat with a smile on their face. they were from alabama. they called me a "pretty lil fat girl". no wonder i found that i liked who i was. 

when i was "so fat" in high school i think i only wore a size 16. my mother nor my slim sister could understand why i had more dates than she did. this included a secret lil love affair with a handsome and popular finnish exchange student--only secret because he was white and i was black in alabama. i think they might have actually beaten him very badly if we were found out. yes, it was once really that bad. the confusion all of that caused in their mind made it very hard for me at home. in some way it violated a rule. the rule had been, and still is for some that fat girls don't win. but you see, they didn't understand that i was born to win. at least thats what my daddy always said.

after i did move away at 16 to college i ate exactly what i liked and got great grades. even though i intended never to have an ltr i met a really nice guy and fell in love. we were together for 15 years until he died in an accident. there are some things even i can't escape. thats life alright. it was so hard to deal with sometimes that when i started to date again i used to tell people i was divorced. it was just too hard to talk about. during those 15 years my weight also increased. i think when i was in my twenties i was in the 250lbs range. in my thirties i was in the 300's and now that i am 42 i am exactly 420. and no, i didn't gain because of grief or depression or any of those things. i don't stuff food but i do tend to drink a lot of high cal things and eat calorie rich food. generally i gain about ten lbs a year, even though it has gotten harder to keep it on. yes, i do keep it on on purpose. i think i actually like the feeling of being fat and being different. and, since i did not have too many negative experiences comparatively speaking i feel lucky. 

i've realized since i've grown up that my mother and sister's problem was not with me but with themselves. they both hated themselves for various reasons. they thought i should hate myself too. since i did not i was a target for them. it just goes to show you that you don't have to be fat to be a miserable person. I was reading this book by Margaret Atwood called "Lady Oracle" the mother character in that book is mine all over. My own Mother died of a terrible lung cancer last december. she used to smoke cigarettes to keep her weight down. i was able to be there to take care of her. it was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. she was crazy but i loved her anyway. no one should have to suffer like that. but the worst part wasn't really her death. i cry for her because she never appreciated herself and never enjoyed life. she had all this spirit and potential that she never valued. now she is just some thing rotting in a grave in alabama. life is short so learn to love yourself if you don't already because one day it might be too late.

http://www.myspace.com/superodalisque
http://blog.myspace.com/superodalisque


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## Weejee (Sep 10, 2006)

I alwys had fat freinds cuz I loved to hang out with people who ate.

However, I married a Feeder at 35 without knowint that was what I wanted. We went out to eat, and had lots of candy and sweets, and before Iknew it I was gaining weight. Fought it of for many years by going to WW. Weight watchers.

One time I got down to 123 lbs! (Now I'm 215) I was a size 4 on top and a size 8 on bottom. I'vae always had a big butt. (Thats why I'm trying to redirect some fat to my belly!)

WW always said, "You can't have candy every day and be thin."

So in August 2001, I decided to eat what I want, and if I got fat, the heck with it.

I recorded my weight gain journal at my URL in Yahoo 360 I doh't have thin photos, but I have tried on all the too tight clothes that I outgrew as years passed.:eat1: :eat2: 

I like to eat 3 candy bars a day. That's where the pudge comes from. But, you can't do that and be thin!


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## ThisIsMyBoomstick (Sep 15, 2006)

i got fat when i was in my early teens, not sure why really, but eventually i got to the point where i could eat entire pizzas and not feel full... :eat1: cant do that so much naymore, wish i could get back to it though  

but FFA's are so hard to find ;p


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## starwater (Sep 17, 2006)

I have friends who are overweight... we go on enthused dieting and eating kicks.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Sep 18, 2006)

ThisIsMyBoomstick said:


> i got fat whn i was in my early teense, not sure why really, but eventually i got to the point where i could eat entire pizzas and not feel full... :eat1: cant do that so much naymore, wish i could get back to it though
> 
> but FFA's are so hard to find ;p



I was a small/thin child until my early teens too
Seems like the weight came with puberty so part of me wonders if, to some degree, Im simply supposed to be a larger person. I also realize now, though, that my compulsive over-eating disorder started around that time too. Changing into a woman's body and garnering the attention of older men was too much for me perhaps (as it still can be at times even now) so I found a way to cut down on the male attentions with weight gain. (Just as I have read that anorexics do the same but with keeping thier bodies "childlike" by being way too thin)
I can eat a lot sometimes- and never feel full- but I now realize that's when I tend to be binging due to stress or bad feelings that I refuse to acknowledge. After counseling and reading to gain more understanding of my behaviors, I no longer diet and notice my binges have became less frequent over the past year (compulsive dieting is part of the disorder too- I can lose 40-80 pounds only to gain it back eventually). I allow myself to eat whatever I want and have been noticing all the emotions that can sometimes be part of my eating. I dont want to use food to drown my feelings any more or beat myself up for being and thinking and feeling what I do. 
I want to add that I feel like Im getting better/stronger everyday and I no longer weigh myself or put myself down in the way that I have done in the past. This is the happiest I have been since childhood and I come to dimensions as part of my new self program of "self acceptance" - for the inside and out of me


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## ThisIsMyBoomstick (Sep 18, 2006)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I was a small/thin child until my early teens too
> Seems like the weight came with puberty so part of me wonders if, to some degree, Im simply supposed to be a larger person. I also realize now, though, that my compulsive over-eating disorder started around that time too. Changing into a woman's body and garnering the attention of older men was too much for me perhaps (as it still can be at times even now) so I found a way to cut down on the male attentions with weight gain. (Just as I have read that anorexics do the same but with keeping thier bodies "childlike" by being way too thin)
> I can eat a lot sometimes- and never feel full- but I now realize that's when I tend to be binging due to stress or bad feelings that I refuse to acknowledge. After counseling and reading to gain more understanding of my behaviors, I no longer diet and notice my binges have became less frequent over the past year (compulsive dieting is part of the disorder too- I can lose 40-80 pounds only to gain it back eventually). I allow myself to eat whatever I want and have been noticing all the emotions that can sometimes be part of my eating. I dont want to use food to drown my feelings any more or beat myself up for being and thinking and feeling what I do.
> I want to add that I feel like Im getting better/stronger everyday and I no longer weigh myself or put myself down in the way that I have done in the past. This is the happiest I have been since childhood and I come to dimensions as part of my new self program of "self acceptance" - for the inside and out of me


thats great to hear!^^ i was depressed too i think, my parents were divorcing and such -.- 

but ive never accepted that i was fat, but ive never really denied the fact either, i'm just me  lol


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## SexxyBBW69 (Sep 18, 2006)

I was fat up untill I was 5 then I was thin very thin the called me olive oil.. once I hit 18 my weight was up past 150 Im sure I lost it with prescription diet pills.. always struggled to be thin working out & dieting 10 yrs ago I was 125 then after I started to put some weight on gradually but I was maintaining around 150-170 then I blew u to around 200 lost it maintained 160 then when I was with my ex bf I went from 165 to 185 we broke up I was dealing with alot it was a bad relationship & breakup & well I kept growing & now im 240...


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## metalheadFA (Oct 1, 2006)

Having viewed these boards for a while I figured this was as good a place as any to put my first post. This isn't so much my history in the size acceptance community but rather that as an FA as the SA community is pretty much non existent in the South West of England.
I have always found it somewhat difficult to pin point the time I became an FA, the first girl I remember having a crush on was a very thin girl in my first year of secondary school, I was 12. Before this I had never really showed an interest in girls or relationships of any kind but as my first year went on I began to fall for a girl called Hannah, she was big for her age and she was the first girl I ever kissed at the first secondary dance, I was 13 it was 1997 and Aqua Barbie Girl was playing (What a wonderful memory tainted by such a terrible song.) She turned out to be a tad unstable and the whole thing ended up messing me up. A year and a bit later I began dating the thin girl I had had a crush on for the previous three years but that turned out to be a very uninteresting adventure in love and it was here I guess I began to realise I had an particular leaning towards bigger girls due to a girl called Laura in my form group who I fancied but never spoke to due to a crippiling lack of confidence. 
This period now aged over 15 was paradoxically linked to a girl who I had an unusual plutonic relationship with inextricably bound by us both suffering from aneorexia. I now see this as a time when I was rebelling against alot in my life and my weight dropped to six stone (about five feet five tall). I say paradoxically because it was in January of that year 1999 my family finally connected to the internet and it was here that my interest in bigger women was peaked by such websites as Expanding Horizions, Yahoo Groups and Dimensions. Websites that I cant even recall looking for or how I found them. It was at this early stage that nopt ony had I became more aware of the SA and BBW/SSBBW community but that I became aware of the Feeder, Feedee community. More and more I became fascinated with all those Before and After pics Kelligirl, Brooke etc. But I became dispirated with endless personals on Feeder boards due to the fact that messages could stand there for months and those who did reply (maybe on three occasions were girls just looking for encouragers from the USA).
In 2001 I started college and in the January met a girl called Matilda who I had looked at from a far but due to a freak coincidence of freinds freinds I got speaking to, she was kinda chubby but very pretty we dated vfor a short period but it didnt work out, I began turning to self harm due to my inability to find a girl and family issues and in May already disheartened met a girl called Kyla. She was big and a foodee we dated for eighteen months but as she was in the senior year this was punctuated by her prolonged periods at university. This was my first experience of prejudice towrds being an FA and I shuned away from the trendy party I had become involved with (due to those who I had known from school) and became involved with a death metal band, the guys were alot less prejudice which had partly become as a suprise.
In 2003 and looking considerably different I started university moving away from home Kyla had taken to mothering me due to the crowd of punk kids I had become involved with and the relationship quickly ran out of steam. The group of punk kids I speak of are now my best freinds although back then we were kinda akin to CKY (and still have our moments) but from the start I made a point to be open about my sexuality and despite the odd joke nothing worse than when we rib our gay freinds or my one freind with a thing for extremely thin girls.
Despite this however I then flitted back into an unhealthy relationship with a vampire fetishist... I know... then in the summer after another split began dating the younger sister of the anorexic girl from my teens, she was a bit younger than me and whilst not a BBW a very beautifully proportioned girl but it duidnt work out due to having to move back to university. 
I then began a series of ill fated flings that plummeted my self asteem until I met a girl called Caitlin in the January of 2005. She was very pretty and prone to weight gain although the happiest relationship I had been in her negative personal image despite all my compliments really began to cause a rift and she began fighting me over whether she was beautiful or not which really ended it after a few "breaks" in Febuary this year.
Which brings me here after years of just viewing the boards I thought I would finally post because I am keen not only to talk to BBWs/SSBBW's but also other FA's and feeders because after years of just image hunting I kinda wanted to be part of the whole thing and meet people who understand and have a positive attitude towards the whole issue.


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 4, 2006)

I didn't start out as a big baby. I was a premie - weighing in at 5 lb. 6 oz., but dropped to 4 lbs. 2 oz. when they got me home. I have always been short (currently 4 ft 11 1/2 inches) and was small in size until after I had my tonsils out. About that time (2nd grade) my family started moving about and I started eating more. By the time I graduated from High School, I weighed 190 pounds. My Mom was a BBW (I'm guessing her weight was around 350 pounds). All through Junior High and High School, Mom and I were on different diets, because being fat was unacceptable and no one thought we were pretty. I never dated in High School because no one asked me out. I was very studious and on the Honor Roll. I didn't do sports, though I was on the Pep Squad and my Junior year I was President of the Honor Society, the Science Club, and the Library Club. My Senior year I made the Who's Who in High School. I didn't get ribbed in school, or perhaps if I did, I just ignored it. The summer before I went to college, Mom and I did Atkins. I lost weight, but all the fat and meat made me queasy most of the time. I managed to lose down to the smallest I've ever been in my adulthood (130 lbs.) and met my husband the summer of my Junior year. We got married in November and within a year I was back up to 150 lbs. Over the years I gained back all I'd lost plus some. My family has always urged me to lose weight because they don't think that being fat is healthy. My step-Dad told me the day after Mom died that I'd better lose weight because a super-size casket was very expensive! At my Mom's graveside, several relatives told me to lose weight or I'd did young too (Mom was 59- she died of uterine cancer in 1996). So, two years ago, I was at an all time high of 280 pounds and I really didn't feel well. I decided to change my eating habits and start exercising more. I dropped 60 pounds and then started the gain/lose cycle. So, recently, due to many factors I won't go into, I realized that my body is apparently happy at 230 pounds. I will still eat healthy and exercise, but life is too short to spend it worrying about my weight. I know my family will not be happy that I've decided to get off the weight loss marry-go-round, but they'll have to love me as I am. That is why I came back to Dimensions, for support and I just love talking to people that understand. There are so many people here that have strong self-esteems and have a great way of expressing themselves that really makes me feel good about me. ~Punkin


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 4, 2006)

To Punkin-


> So, recently, due to many factors I won't go into, I realized that my body is apparently happy at 230 pounds. I will still eat healthy and exercise, but life is too short to spend it worrying about my weight. I know my family will not be happy that I've decided to get off the weight loss marry-go-round, but they'll have to love me as I am. That is why I came back to Dimensions, for support and I just love talking to people that understand. There are so many people here that have strong self-esteems and have a great way of expressing themselves that really makes me feel good about me. ~Punkin



You echoed my feelings/thoughts there 
Im a newbie but I want to say welcome back


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 4, 2006)

Oops! I forgot to mention how I came to Dimensions. I was a long time subscriber to BBW Magazine until in quit publishing. When hubby & I moved from the city to rural USA in 1998, I was looking for a website that was fat friendly. I stumbled across Dimensions then, but at the time, I didn't see much of anything that helped me EXCEPT the fact that there were FA's out there - I'd never known of such a thing. Anyway, about 3 years later, I joined back in and had more fun and recognition than I'd had in years. ~Punkin


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 5, 2006)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> To Punkin-
> 
> 
> You echoed my feelings/thoughts there
> Im a newbie but I want to say welcome back


 Thanks for the welcome back. I love your avatar. I love fairy art too.


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## merseylass (Oct 7, 2006)

Punkin...I was so identifying with your post re your history...I wish you every success with coming to life again as a woman who is happy and content with herself. It's a journey I'm on as well as others here on Dimensions.

Isn't it great to breathe in the self-acceptance and the joy of celebrating who we REALLY are...and feeling secure and good about ourselves? Welcome back to the forums. I'm not a frequent poster but do read a lot of the posts myself.

Jacquie


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## Punkin1024 (Oct 7, 2006)

It is so good to be back. Another wonderful thing about Dimensions is that you get to know people from all around the world.


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## moncietron (Oct 7, 2006)

You know, to think of all the women that I had a crush on who were big, I'd like to meet them all over again. I remember my sister's best friend as being known to being 'chunky'. I used to give her compliments every time I saw her. I had teachers and faculty members that I'd say were really attractive, and I'd tell them how good the looked in their clothes. I had friends of my father that were fat and I had fantasies aout them. It wasn't because of their size, it was because they looked so good being people. That's why I like big people for: they can look pretty nice when they wore something others had said were awful.


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## QtPatooti (Oct 8, 2006)

I have always been overweight. My earliest memories are of diets and of hearing "its just baby fat, she will lose it soon". I was the 4th of 5 kids, very shy, and somewhat spoiled and protected. 

Being fat was bad enough, but moving to another much smaller town from a large city was extremely difficult on me. Life was hell from 6th grade on. I finally had a few friends the last couple of years of highschool. And even then one teacher felt she had the right to tell me that I shouldnt be hanging out with "THAT" crowd. I dont know who she thought I should hang out with, because the "IN" crowd wouldnt have anything to do with me except to tease me.

At the age of 20, I was dating someone I met through work. He liked me alot, or so he said, but he was embarassed about my weight, and finally told me I had to lose weight or he couldnt see me anymore. So I went on the starvation diet, where I lost 10 pounds the first week (water weight of course), but of course there was no way I could lose 100 pounds in a months time, so we were doomed to failure. He really messed with my head (I really like you but am embarassed by you). And I ended up extremely depressed over him. I basically took myself out of the social scene after that. 

I think around my late twenties (mid to late 80's) I began hearing about NAAFA or BBW groups. But living in a small town, I did not have any access to detailed information. In 1991 I moved back to the Houston area. The company I worked for finally got internet access. I literally spent all of my hours at the office on the computer, early hours, lunch hours, after hours. I dont know how I got away with it, but I did. And one of the first things I searched was related to the BBW community. And I think the first two websites I found were Dimensions and NAAFA. That opened up an entirely new world to me. I ate up everything I could find. And went to a local NAAFA meeting. My eyes just about popped out of my head. I was in awe, here were a number of BBW & SSBBW, successful, outgoing, women many who were also sucessful businesswomen. 

Since discovering this world we have, the Size Acceptance community, I have dated (where I wouldnt have otherwise), discovered my beauty and my sexuality, which leads into confidence, have made many new friends and have discovered that I am valuable person. My life would have been much different with out it.

Edited to add a link to my school photos:
http://www.geocities.com/lynn62/schooldays.html


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## moncietron (Oct 8, 2006)

QtPatooti said:


> I have always been overweight. My earliest memories are of diets and of hearing "its just baby fat, she will lose it soon". I was the 4th of 5 kids, very shy, and somewhat spoiled and protected.
> 
> Being fat was bad enough, but moving to another much smaller town from a large city was extremely difficult on me. Life was hell from 6th grade on. I finally had a few friends the last couple of years of highschool. And even then one teacher felt she had the right to tell me that I shouldnt be hanging out with "THAT" crowd. I dont know who she thought I should hang out with, because the "IN" crowd wouldnt have anything to do with me except to tease me.
> 
> ...



I seem to have remembered a girl that I used to see at where I worked, and she was a plus-size, but I was never allowed to talk much to her because of my job there (a dishwasher at the Holiday Inn in Gonzales, La) and I wanted to get up with her after work, but by the time I had to close the kitchen after midnight, she was long gone. Her name was Lisa, and she wasn't all that big, but others had to admit she was huge. I don't know her schedule nor where else she works, but I miss seeing her.


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## Ample Pie (Oct 14, 2006)

I posted part of my Size Acceptance story in my manifatso blog today, if anyone is interested. I'd repost it here, but it's kind of long and has lyrics


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## lestamore (Oct 19, 2006)

Well. When I was growing up I was really small and skinny through my freshman year in high school. I' am 5"0 and I was the cox for my school's rowing team and they had to weight me down to make me legal (you have to be at least 95lb). However, I switched schools a lot, and while I had friends, kinda in elementary school, in middle school I somehow ended up in a group of girls that were no good. It was all drama.. and occasionally they would hurt me physically. I realized that these people weren't my friends and that I'd be better off without them. However, I was at a really small private school and none of the other groups of kids wanted anything to do with me. So.. I very conciously decided to be my own best friend. 

That was my philosophy throughout high school where I had friends and support but always fell back on taking care of myself. Over the summer between my freshman and sophmore years in highschool I became a woman. Lol.. I got giant boobs and my hips filled out so suddenly that I still have strechmarks. I think I hovered around 170 then which was kinda chubby for such a short girl. My Dad especially always tried to tell me that I needed to lose weight and I kinda sorta bought it.. but mostly, in a rebellious and semi-defeatist way just strove to love myself as much as possible for all the people I kindof assumed wouldn't. I went on to get bigger and smaller and bigger.. mostly bigger. I always was slightly disatisfied and promised myself that one day I would really put my mind to it and lose some weight. I had relationships but none of my boyfriends was ever especially encouraging or enthusiastic about my curves other than my boobs..

Then lately.. like in the last 2 months I discovered Literotica.com and the Lit forums and chat. At first I just wanted to meet men to chat with online because I was bored and horny.. But the amature picture forum on that page is full of gorgeous BBWs and super encouraging spectators. On a whim I took some pics and the positive response was such a high. It just made me realize what I never really had before. I am not just acceptable.. I am special! I don't have to 'just' rely on my personality and be sheepish about my appearance.. I can revel in my body and expect that others will too. And now, having found this forum through that one and observing all the awesome sexiness (and as a girl just coming to terms with bisexuality I am just realizing fa tendencies that I guess I never considered before.. [aside from just being annoyed with all the skinny girls I'd see in the media]). 

So yeah. I got on a scale for the first time in ages recently and realized with wonderment that it was now a win win situation.. I am not too big comparitively.. but 210 is about as much as I have ever weighed. And all of a sudden it feels like a good thing! I catch myself looking at boys who pass me on the street and catch my eye, and wondering if they think I'm hot.. as opposed to whether I think they are.. 

so. that's my story about size acceptance.


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## T_Devil (Nov 27, 2006)

I didn't get fat until first grade. I'll get this out right now, Childhood sucked! It was a miserable mixture of peer torment and having a bunch of "Grown-ups" and teachers tell me either I wasn't living up to my potential, or that I could "Screw up a Free Lunch" (_I never forgot that, Mr. Warzack.... I hope you've broken a hip, you prick!_)

So, I was a miserable kid, and I ate. Food was good and it made me feel good. It was used as a reward, or to cheer me up. As I gained weight, I endured more teasing from my classmates. Then I was diagnosed with clinical depression in the 7th grade and I was sent to the "hospital" for a couple of weeks to be put on a drug called _Elavil_. When I got out one asshole had the nerve to say to me "I wish you would have committed suicide".

Something happened that day. It must've been all the years of repressed anger and quelled rage because at that moment, I felt my hand form into a fist, my arm rise up and I punched that bastard right in the fuckin' eye. I don't usually condone violence, but this guy had it coming for too long. All of the years of anger and sadness and humiliation, every alienated thought, pang of lonely sorrow, mortifying embaressment exploded. That was the first time in my life I had ever struck out emotionally.

I was taken to the principal's office and was suspended 3 days from school. I took it as a reward. I knock someone out and then I get a 3 day vacation? Nice! It was at that point in my life something else had taken a hold of me. It was a sense of individuality. Everything that the others kids picked on me for, everything that the adults said wasn't right with me.... I took pride in. To this day, I take pride in facets of my personality that most people wouldn't think of being something particularly proud of.

I had become rebellious. Not just that, but fearless as well. All the years that fear had kept me a captive, I now held it captive. It got dangerous with me because in high school, I became self-destructive. I got wired into the world of drug use because of the people I hung around with. Other people that society had basicly given up on before they even had a chance. I can't really talk about this stage of my life as I don't remember most of it. I made sure I wouldn't remember it by killing as many braincells as I could.

Now, to understand how I got out of that world, you have to understand how I came to the realization that I was a Fat Admierer. See, when I was young, it was the other fat kids that had always befriended me. They knew what it was like so I just had this natural affinity to identify with them. With the girls though, I always found fat girls to always be more attractive. If I would have been born gay, I would have found fat guys attractive simply because I find fat to be attractive. I love big, I love being big!

IT wasn't easy to confront this though. I was hanging out with a group of guys that would talk a bunch of shit about a particular fat girl only to end up having sex with her after they got drunk. That kind of hypocrasy always bothered me, but I was stoned and/or drunk, so I didn't care. I must've been a real asshole now that I reminisce.... what's done is done though.

It was after talking to this girl I realized something. She didn't have sex with those guys to make herself feel like she was being loved, she did it for the same reason any guy had sex, it was just something to do. I was always raised to believe that sex is something special you share with someone you love, so this concept really blew my mind! Not only that, it challenged me to see the world in yet a different way. It was that thinking that led me to allow myself to see fat girls as attractive without the fear of my friends laughing. I was still a long way from stepping out of the closet however.

No, it wasn't untill the Internet came into my life before I realized just how into fat girls I really was. One night, I was looking for porn on the internet, as most teenage boys do. Then I saw her. A picture of a woman that was as big and wide as all outside. It wasn't like the picture of the lady in the Tool Undertow album. This woman was more sexual. It was an image that had confrimed everything I had ever felt or thought. She was the image of what a woman was to me. Her body was soft and comfortable, not bony and hard.

It wasn't long after that my porn habit went over to BBW completly. That was like 13 or 14 years ago. I can't remember exactly. It was the BBW world I was getting involved in though that was filling this void inside me that I had been filling with drugs and alcohol. Those things were losing interest to me. This new world, this new planet that I had discovered was what I had been searching for. Maybe it was teenage hormones, maybe it was a sex-starved libido, maybe it was something I could identify with on more than just one level. Whatever it was, it had me.

So there I was, On the computer, sneaking as mouch fat porn as I could find. Which back then, you really had to work for. Not only was I finding pictures though, I was finding people. People just like me. Same taste in women, same way thinking, same point of view and similar experiences. I was becoming closer to these people than my "actual" friends. The people I was meeting on the computer where way more interesting and they were talking about topics I was definetly way more comfortable with than talking about who ended up eating 72 hits of acid before being busted by the police.

The people online were different and they accepted me not because I did the same drugs as them, but because I held the same concept of beauty as they did. It was like the Bee Girl in the Blind Melon video No Rain. I had spent a good part of my life covorting with people that just didn't understand me. Now, through the wonders of the internet, I was talking to these fabulosly interesting people from all over the world. People of all kinds of different cultures gathered together for their desire for big women.

Then, as if a gift from god for all of the bullshit I had to endure in my life, I met the only girl I would ever truly fall in love with. It was meant to be because we were the only ones in the chat room at that moment in time. We talked for hours and we talked even longer on the phone. We eventually met and began a physical but long distance relationship. She is the most beautiful fat girl I have ever met. It wasn't her body that I fell in love with though, it was her mind. I lust for her body, but the way she thinks and her personality inspiered me as it continues to to this day. I always knew I would marry her, and I did.

It's been 6 years since we go married and I'm even more in love with my wife than that first day we met. Meeting her and falling in love with her brought about the last and final stage of my FA transformation. People had to accept her if they were to accept me. My life was going to be with her and if they couldn't accept that and be happy for me, then I wasn't going to waste my time with them. It didn't hurt to let them go. It was liberating.

Today, I always try to see things from a size point of view. I see the discrimination, and I am disguisted by it. I don't preach on about how people need to "stop saying this" or that "they shouldn't be allowed to say that". They have their first amendment rights and as such, they have a right to their opinions....
...
Just as we have a right to ours.

I believe we ought to stand up. For every bad thing they say about us, I say we stand up and we give it back to them. They want to call us fat? fine, fuck 'em! We can stand up and be proud of that. They want to call us lazy? We can show them that we are not. We can show them that we are driven and motivated to get what we want by any means necessary. they can be ruthless, so can we. Do we need to resort to those tactics? We can, but we don't have to.

Ours is a society that is dependant upon itself. We seek advice and companionship from inside our own society. We can run business by marketing specificly to our peers. We have a choice as to being a completly open society, or a cloistered order. The only way the world outside of ours is going to accept us, is if we show them that we are independent of them. They can say whatever they want, but at the end of the day, we decide if what they say is true or not.


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## olivefun (Nov 27, 2006)

T Devil
Thanks for taking the time to write that lengthy post.
You sound like you took the difficult road, but you ended up wiser and happier than those that teased and taunted you.
Congratulations on finding the right person, and being smart enough to know it.


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## cosulivan84 (Jan 14, 2007)

I have always been plump. I never really thought about it until I was 9/10 and I moved to a new primary school. It was hear that the teasing began. I had been popular in my previous school and I then moved into a small village primary school where all the pupils seemed to be related in some way or had known each other all their lives. I have a strong memory from around that time of a friend complaining about her weight (she had a small amount of puppy fat but was by no means fat). My reply was along the lines of your fat look at me. Her exact works were 'No Im fat your obese' (at the time I was about 95/100 pounds).
I began to see myself through others eyes. It became a constant issue throughout my life. I was bullied, lost all confidence and became obsessed with hiding my body, this became the theme of my life. At secondary school any guy who showed any interest in me would hide it from their friends (well everyone really) so I was left resorting to meaningful glances, time spent hiding around the back of school buildings and notes.
I can empathise with Tina when she talks about wishing her fat away as a teen. I myself used to imagine that I was actually a beautiful thin person wearing a body suit and would fade into daydreams about my true self walking into school and seeing the faces of those who teased me.
Though I have had boyfriends/ male interest they have always accepted my weight not enjoyed it and I have always felt the need to hide my body from them.
This all changed when I started university. I began dating an FA. He was always very open about his preferences. Until I met him I was not aware that there were FA's. My step-dad would tell me as a teen that there were some tribes who would worship my figure but I never thought that there were 'normal' people who thought of fat as beautiful/ sexy.
I did not believe him to begin with I had dated guys who preferred big hips/ boobs but as I have already said they would just accept the rest.
I have always thought that curvy women were beautiful and have always been the first to condemn my friends for wanting to diet etc but I could never see that beauty in myself. But seeing the look on his face when i'm doing something simple like watching the tv makes me feel so special. I feel so comfortable when i'm with him. After 2 years I am now beginning to gain confidence my main problem has been taking the confidence i've gained from him and using it in my everyday life. Reading the post on here are helping. It is great to hear all the positive BBW's and SSBBW's.


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## adrianTX (Jan 15, 2007)

First I would like to say what an awesome thread this is, it is a great place to tell stories and share with friends. 

My whole experience with bbw/fa/whatever you want to name it is as such; Having been big my entire life (always taller, always heavier), I can relate to almost everyone on this board who has been teased, ridiculed, etc. about their weight and height. I truly believe (as most do) that large women face many more acceptance issues than men do, and while it is totally unfair, it is reality. While overweight men aren't having a cakewalk ( pardon the pun ), I truly believe women face much more and harsher criticism for their weight issues than men do. When I was going through puberty, I shot up from around 5'3 to 6'4 in matter of 12-18 months, and it totally changed my life. While I had always been overweight, the sudden change in height made everything different. People treated me different, approached me different, even thought I was a different person. In high school I played football (defensive end), and it was totally acceptable for players of that and similar positions to be overweight, in fact it was encouraged. I went from being a short, chubby kid to being a big chubby guy, and it was a very interesting and important time of my life. I made a lot of realizations during that period, some of which were good, some of which were not. I realized that some people only want to be around you because of things that have nothing to do with who you really are. I learned, like most, to stay away from these people, and to remain true to the friends who loved me and appreciated me for who I always had been. I was never the most popular guy in school, or college, but the friends I had were good friends, because I never wasted my time with people who were superficial, or false. Now that I am "all grown up", and in the corporate world, I see where my weight and height affects my working relationships. Some people are physically intimidated by my size and stature, but within minutes they realize I am just an average person, trying my best to be a good employee. I think the long and short of it is that I have always been comfortable with who I am, I am confident in what I do, and most of all I am positive that the truly important aspects of a person have nothing to do with size, shape, or anything of that nature. While I openly admit that I am attracted to larger women, I recognize that it is a physical attraction, which doesn't always lead to success. Dating bbw's has the same caveats and limitations that dating anyone would have. Being physically attracted to someone is in no way, shape, or form an indication of how well you will get along with someone in conversation, interaction, or physical contact. I've often said in dimchat that FA is not about size, its about a certain state of mind, one which accepts people for who they are and also accepts those who are attracted to it. 

I will never forget the first BBW event I ever went to, it was over 4 years ago, and when I got there I just was overwhelmed. Many of you guys/gals know that feeling, its like you're in a situation where you can be totally comfortable. Some events were awesome, some not so much, but every time I can always remember saying to myself "this is how it should be." That is how I feel when I come onto this board.... 
Once again thanks for everyones input on this thread it is awesome!


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## Kareda (Mar 18, 2007)

I am just beginning my own SA venture. I look at you all and am awe on how beautiful or handsome you are but I never ever felt that of myself. I have been "big" all my life and always got flack from my father & grandmother- still do in fact. I have been married 8 years to a "chubby chaser" who has always wanted me to Love and accept myself. After seeing Phat Girlz for the first time and his comments about how he wished I could be like that I have decided to stop hating and start loving- but needed a community of Self Confident, Voluptuous women to surround myself with. I found Dimensions Forum, and I am literally in awe- and so EXCITED about finding my self worth. Hubby is excited too- He LOVES seeing all you beauties!


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## Mathias (Mar 28, 2007)

I'm still kind of shy around here::blush: 

Because of my cerebal palsy in my legs, the muscles are always contracted. Since they are always bent, im constantly burning calories. I think I'll always have a high metabolism because of this. 

Let's backtrack to second grade. There was a girl who was fat and very pretty. I was smitten by her but me being the quiet kid that I was then, I never told anyone. Fast foward to sixth grade. There was a learning support teacher with golden brown hair hazel eyes and a pear shape to die for. I loved to watch her walk. On top of that, she was so nice. I could almost swear that she knew how pretty I thought she was because everytime she said hi to me in the halls she'd wink at me and smile, giving me a look that said, "I know your secret."

I've felt this way about big women since I was 12, and I don't know how to tell my family. Everyone is rail thin. I'm not going to say that they hate fat people, but they are on the fence to me. Anybody have advice on how I should tell them?


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## betina (Apr 22, 2007)

Hi all, I'm new and still trying to decide if I belong here to be honest...

I haven't had very negative issues with my body and my weight, I have gone through doubts, concerns and fears like so many other people have regardless of their weight, but after much reflecting I've reached a point where I embrace the body that I inhabit. My biggest issues are with society and the media and how fat are discriminated in this country. I've also felt the need and curiosity to discuss fat related issues from a personal and cultural perspective. 

I've noticed that some popular fat sites tend towards the very alternative. Here's where I should state a disclaimer: I don't have any issues with alternative lifestyles and extremes, but I'm just not into them. I'm a Liberal, I'm open-minded, I know people from all walks of life, but I'm also very comfortable in who I am and what I like. 

I'm not looking to gain weight, I'm not into fetishes, I do enjoy the admiration of all types of beauty (who doesn't?) and I like the fact that there are fat admirers. I don't have a love affair with food, I enjoy food but it's not a big part of who I am - I'm simply content with the fact that I'm not a girl who's going to go hungry on purpose. 

So I'm wondering if this is the place for a vanilla BBW who is looking to share ideas with like-minded people or will she feel out of place here...?


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## Observer (Apr 22, 2007)

Betina, you're in the position of a traveler inquiring of the old hermit on the road overlooking a village in a verdant valley below.

Asked one traveler, "what type of people will I find in that town?"

"What type were they in the last one?" the hermit asked.

"Oh, very rude, always gossiping, greedy - that's why I left."

"Better move on then," said the hermit. "You'll find just the same down there."

Asked another traveler the same question, and received the same counter inquiry.

"What type of people will I find in that town?"

"What type were they in the last one?" 

"Oh they were so nice - outgoing, friendly, terrific neighbors. I hated to leave for business reasons, but I look forward to returning."

"Go on down then," said the hermit. "You'll find you fit in quite well."

And so, my lady, Betina I say to you: There are many people in our community. You will find among them what you expect. From your post I suspect we will find you to be friendly, astute and of an inquiring open mind. With such spirits I for one am proud to associate with. Be welcome!


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## betina (Apr 22, 2007)

Lovely example Observer, thank you!


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## Famouslastwords (Apr 22, 2007)

Is that avatar you? Cuz I'm liking it.:shocked: And I don't mean that as a come on. Sorry if it comes across that way.

*Edit* I'm tired, is it a drawing? I'm now unsure.


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## betina (Apr 22, 2007)

Famouslastwords said:


> Is that avatar you? Cuz I'm liking it.:shocked: And I don't mean that as a come on. Sorry if it comes across that way.
> 
> *Edit* I'm tired, is it a drawing? I'm now unsure.


 hehe, no problem! It's not me, it's a painting by Botero. I guess I see something in that painting that reminds me of myself.  
thanks for the comments


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## Converted FA (Apr 23, 2007)

Kareda said:


> I am just beginning my own SA venture. I look at you all and am awe on how beautiful or handsome you are but I never ever felt that of myself. I have been "big" all my life and always got flack from my father & grandmother- still do in fact. I have been married 8 years to a "chubby chaser" who has always wanted me to Love and accept myself. After seeing Phat Girlz for the first time and his comments about how he wished I could be like that I have decided to stop hating and start loving- but needed a community of Self Confident, Voluptuous women to surround myself with. I found Dimensions Forum, and I am literally in awe- and so EXCITED about finding my self worth. Hubby is excited too- He LOVES seeing all you beauties!



I am a FA and have a wife that sounds very much like Kareda. I was not always attracted to BBW's, until I was set up with a plump girl in High school on a blind date. We hit it off and I really took notice in her body and started to appreciate chubby women, having never really taken notice before in a girl that was not skinny. We ending up getting married and she has gained weight since then. She says she was always on the heavy side, but played sports and kept the weight down somewhat. We now have kids and I am actually more attracted to her now more than even after 11yrs of marriage. She is age 33, 5'2" and now a size 16-18 now compared to a 10 or 11 when we met. She has become more and more self conscious over the years and no matter how sexy I tell her she is to me, she hides her body from me. Her mother instilled it in her when she was young that she needed to loose weight and it stuck. I think due to her size when we met and the way we met she thinks I am being nice or simply accepting of her weight. I decided to try something new with her. I started telling her what about her body I am attracted to and why. I decided not to worry about making her more self conscious by mentioning specifics about her fat features that she considers unsightly but I consider beautiful. It has really seemed to work and she is so thankful for me telling her these things as now she seems to believe me and has been much more open lately. :happy: 

I am not a person that only finds fat women attractive, but I do prefer BBW now. I am also not interested in helping my wife gain more and more weight, not because I would not find her attractive, but because I do want her happy and healthy. I do appreciate her body immensely and would enjoy it if she were bigger but most of all want her to be comfortable with who she is now. I am an average slender guy and it is sites like these that have helped me know how to treat her and understand what she is going through.


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