# One of the advantages of being a BBW



## Orso (May 24, 2009)

My aunt, who was thin in her young days, gained at least 40 pound after her mid-thirties. A skinny cousin never lost a chance of reminding her of the fact in family meetings. One evening the skinny cousin made the usual remarks about weight gain and my aunt, who had enough of the story, just looked at her and said: "At a certain age a woman must decide: either fat or wrinkles. I chose fat". The cousin, who was as wrinkly as a prune, turned green, walked away and never made the remark anymore. This made me think of a great advantage BBWs have: they age much better then their skinny sisters, especially in the eyes of an FA.

The marks of the age are, basically, wrinkles, weight gain, flabbiness and cellulite. BBWs wrinkle much less than slim women and weight gain, flabbiness and cellulite, coming on top of already existing weight, flabbiness and cellulite, are much, much less evident than in slender women. Besides, any FA likes these traits. Just take some BBW models who were popular in early Nineties, when I got in touch with Dimensions: they are still going strong and have a great following of fans. Other BBW models began their career when they were past their thirty-five or even in their forties. This would never happen with a skinny model, try figure a 50-year old one!

So, in short, BBWs age much better and FAs find them attractive much longer. To a 25-years old BA (Bone Admirer  ) a slim woman in her mid-forties is an elderly woman, not really sexy and attractive; to a 25-years old FA a BBW in her mid-forties is a BBW, almost as sexy and attractive as she was 20 years before.

So, my dear BBWs, you have at least one advantage on your skinny sisters!


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## Cors (May 24, 2009)

I agree that fat women do age better. I find it hard to believe how some gorgeous women on here are in their 40s and even 50s. It makes me wonder if FAs think a fat woman has aged just because she loses weight though, if fat itself is what keeps them from looking wrinkly and deflated.


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## Captain Save (May 24, 2009)

I'd like to think most people aren't that slow to acknowlege the effect of weight loss on skin tone to believe it was due to accelerated aging. I knew a lady who, in her late thirties, had lost a significant amount of weight. Her appearance, while still very attractive, had lost some of the youthful look solely because of the wrinkles which showed up on her face. Although teenage kids have been known to do that to a lady, I knew it was because of the weight loss (about 80 lbs. or so.)


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## mossystate (May 24, 2009)

Orso said:


> So, in short, BBWs age much better and FAs find them attractive much longer. To a 25-years old BA (Bone Admirer  ) a slim woman in her mid-forties is an elderly woman, not really sexy and attractive; to a 25-years old FA a BBW in her mid-forties is a BBW, almost as sexy and attractive as she was 20 years before.



* Cringe *

I know you meant well...I think. Just seems like once again, women are picked apart. I long for a day when the measure of ' beauty ' in a woman is not judged by what is covering her bones, or how long a man finds her attractive ( and, who says that fat women don't want their men holding up well as _they_ age ). I have seen plenty of fat women look all kinds of ways. *L*

As for the ABC's of aging...I have 4 sisters. None of them are fat. They all look ' younger ' than their ages...almost 62...60 1/2...49...42. I realize that this has something to do with genetics.

Let's talk about how FA's age, and what shall we expect/demand they do to slow the aging process, if they are not also fat. Hope you men are doing all you can to stay.......attractive. The language used to praise fat women, is much of the time...no praise at all, especially when a fat woman is almost not allowed to age. And, yeah, I get what you were trying to say. Blah.


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## MisterGuy (May 24, 2009)

I recently read a study (too lazy to look it up, sorry) that had people guess the ages of thin women and fat women. If a fat woman's real age was under 40, people tended to guess high. If a fat woman's real age was over 40, people tended to guess low. The reverse was true of thin women. IOW, fatness tends to make younger people look older and older people look younger.


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## MisterGuy (May 24, 2009)

mossystate said:


> * Cringe *
> 
> I know you meant well...I think. Just seems like once again, women are picked apart. I long for a day when the measure of ' beauty ' in a woman is not judged by what is covering her bones, or how long a man finds her attractive ( and, who says that fat women don't want their men holding up well as _they_ age ). I have seen plenty of fat women look all kinds of ways. *L*
> 
> ...



It will truly be a glorious day for humanity when men evolve enough to stop judging the attractiveness of women they don't know based on looks. "Big Butt" magazine will be replaced by "Big Brains." Needless to say, women long ago evolved to this point and judge men exclusively based on intelligence and personality, hence Stephen Hawking winning World's Sexiest Man 18 years running.


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## Tooz (May 24, 2009)

~*.Peter Meter.*~


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## mossystate (May 24, 2009)

MisterGuy said:


> It will truly be a glorious day for humanity when men evolve enough to stop judging the attractiveness of women they don't know based on looks. "Big Butt" magazine will be replaced by "Big Brains." Needless to say, women long ago evolved to this point and judge men exclusively based on intelligence and personality, hence Stephen Hawking winning World's Sexiest Man 18 years running.



Yeah, that was exactly what I was saying. Exactly that. You got me, yet...not.


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## Teresa (May 24, 2009)

MisterGuy said:


> I recently read a study (too lazy to look it up, sorry) that had people guess the ages of thin women and fat women. If a fat woman's real age was under 40, people tended to guess high. If a fat woman's real age was over 40, people tended to guess low. The reverse was true of thin women. IOW, fatness tends to make younger people look older and older people look younger.



This has been true for me. When I was 17 people were always thinking I was in my mid 20's. Yet, when I turned 38 a friend from work thought I was in my early 20's. Go figure. lol

Teresa


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## Santaclear (May 24, 2009)

mossystate said:


> * Cringe *
> 
> Blah.



fatter women = fatter nostrils :bow:

You do the math.  Need I say more?


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## SocialbFly (May 24, 2009)

mossystate said:


> * Cringe *
> 
> I know you meant well...I think. Just seems like once again, women are picked apart. I long for a day when the measure of ' beauty ' in a woman is not judged by what is covering her bones, or how long a man finds her attractive ( and, who says that fat women don't want their men holding up well as _they_ age ). I have seen plenty of fat women look all kinds of ways. *L*
> 
> ...



I know Orso, and he is a kind and generous friend of mine for the past ten years, and i promise you, he of all men, was not picking us apart....

sometimes a compliment is just that, a compliment without a hidden meaning.


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## Captain Save (May 24, 2009)

MisterGuy said:


> I recently read a study (too lazy to look it up, sorry) that had people guess the ages of thin women and fat women. If a fat woman's real age was under 40, people tended to guess high. If a fat woman's real age was over 40, people tended to guess low. The reverse was true of thin women. IOW, fatness tends to make younger people look older and older people look younger.



This would explain why everyone thinks I'm bringing a girlfriend to the gym when it's my 15 yo daughter (she tells me she weighs more than me; I'm a little slow to ask a teenage girl that type of question.) It also explains why her friends call her an 'old lady' (I hope she doesn't get the notion to buy her friends alcohol!)


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## Teresa (May 24, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> I know Orso, and he is a kind and generous friend of mine for the past ten years, and i promise you, he of all men, were not picking us apart....
> 
> sometimes a compliment is just that, a compliment without a hidden meaning.



:::Agree:::


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## tonynyc (May 24, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> sometimes a compliment is just that, a compliment without a hidden meaning.



*Well Said * :bow:


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## mossystate (May 24, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> I know Orso, and he is a kind and generous friend of mine for the past ten years, and i promise you, he of all men, was not picking us apart....
> 
> sometimes a compliment is just that, a compliment without a hidden meaning.



When a man gives ' compliments ' talking about how wonderful it is a certain type of woman stays attractive in the eyes of men...longer...I say that is not much of a compliment. Your mileage obviously varies. All it makes me feel is like I should be greatful. There was nothing hidden...I agree. It was right out there.


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## mossystate (May 24, 2009)

Santaclear said:


> fatter women = fatter nostrils :bow:
> 
> You do the math.  Need I say more?



What? I can't hear you. My nostril is occupied.


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## MisterGuy (May 25, 2009)

mossystate said:


> When a man gives ' compliments ' talking about how wonderful it is a certain type of woman stays attractive in the eyes of men...longer...I say that is not much of a compliment.



Is it that staying youthful-looking isn't a compliment to you, or that it's not a compliment if it comes from a man? Because it pretty much has to be at least one of the two.


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## SocialbFly (May 25, 2009)

mossystate said:


> When a man gives ' compliments ' talking about how wonderful it is a certain type of woman stays attractive in the eyes of men...longer...I say that is not much of a compliment. Your mileage obviously varies. All it makes me feel is like I should be greatful. There was nothing hidden...I agree. It was right out there.



and Mossy, personally, what is wrong with staying attractive in the eyes of a man, no one says you have to live for it, but when a man thinks i am beautiful, for whatever reason...yes, i do like it. (and guess what, i like it when women say it too, imagine that.)


Compliments dont always have to come with other messages, or with strings attached, sometimes, they are meant to give you a smile.

I for one, like to smile.


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## SocialbFly (May 25, 2009)

Orso said:


> My aunt, who was thin in her young days, gained at least 40 pound after her mid-thirties. A skinny cousin never lost a chance of reminding her of the fact in family meetings. One evening the skinny cousin made the usual remarks about weight gain and my aunt, who had enough of the story, just looked at her and said: "At a certain age a woman must decide: either fat or wrinkles. I chose fat". The cousin, who was as wrinkly as a prune, turned green, walked away and never made the remark anymore. This made me think of a great advantage BBWs have: they age much better then their skinny sisters, especially in the eyes of an FA.
> 
> The marks of the age are, basically, wrinkles, weight gain, flabbiness and cellulite. BBWs wrinkle much less than slim women and weight gain, flabbiness and cellulite, coming on top of already existing weight, flabbiness and cellulite, are much, much less evident than in slender women. Besides, any FA likes these traits. Just take some BBW models who were popular in early Nineties, when I got in touch with Dimensions: they are still going strong and have a great following of fans. Other BBW models began their career when they were past their thirty-five or even in their forties. This would never happen with a skinny model, try figure a 50-year old one!
> 
> ...




Ha, and who would think i am turning 50 this year (HOLY CRAP!!!!) 

View attachment LilOrsoMeBett.jpg


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## tonynyc (May 25, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> Ha, and who would think i am turning 50 this year (HOLY CRAP!!!!)



*Diana: I'd say your "BS'ing" us - you look great and that is the "Best Revenge"*


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## mossystate (May 25, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> and Mossy, personally, what is wrong with staying attractive in the eyes of a man, no one says you have to live for it, but when a man thinks i am beautiful, for whatever reason...yes, i do like it. (and guess what, i like it when women say it too, imagine that.)
> 
> 
> Compliments dont always have to come with other messages, or with strings attached, sometimes, they are meant to give you a smile.
> ...



I never said there was anything bad about wanting to stay attractive for the person you are with. Hmmmm.

I took issue with the comment about FA's finding fat women attractive...longer. That is where it veers off into not just a simple lovely sentiment...but into some of the same old picking women apart and slapping shelf life stickers on our bodies. Again, I said nothing about personal preferences of liking what one likes. 

I, too, like to smile. I don't have to smile at everything, as I am sure you give yourself the same permission.


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## katherine22 (May 25, 2009)

SocialbFly said:


> Ha, and who would think i am turning 50 this year (HOLY CRAP!!!!)




Here you are a gorgeous woman turning 50 and your response is HOLY CRAP. Some of us have spent our whole lives sensitive to being fat, not enjoying life and then the final insult we get to be sensitive about aging too. The way out of this trap is to value one's opinion of oneself first above all others. The good news about aging is that the gig is up unless you are going to spend thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgery holding on to an illusion. The only way I can endure being older is to get real interested in other people. I actually initiate conversations with strangers; my vain younger version of myself would have never done that.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 25, 2009)

MisterGuy said:


> It will truly be a glorious day for humanity when men evolve enough to stop judging the attractiveness of women they don't know based on looks. "Big Butt" magazine will be replaced by "Big Brains." Needless to say, women long ago evolved to this point and judge men exclusively based on intelligence and personality, hence Stephen Hawking winning World's Sexiest Man 18 years running.



I'm offended by this........I judge the menfolk solely by size, thank you very much.

I luvs me a man with a big........heart


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## TraciJo67 (May 25, 2009)

> So, in short, BBWs age much better and FAs find them attractive much longer. To a 25-years old BA (Bone Admirer  ) a slim woman in her mid-forties is an elderly woman, not really sexy and attractive; to a 25-years old FA a BBW in her mid-forties is a BBW, almost as sexy and attractive as she was 20 years before.


 
I'm approaching 42, and I'm more on the slender side because I had weight loss surgery. I look every last minute of my age, and then some (see above: wrinkles, flabbiness & cellulite oh my). When I go to pick my 2-year-old son up from daycare, the other kids call me grandma. I'm clearly at least 10 years older than most of the other toddler's mothers. 

But here's the thing: I don't give a rat's ass what you, John Doe, or anyone else thinks of my appearance, good or bad. I am what I am. Middle-aged. Flabby in the midsection. Wrinkled. I'm also accomplished, educated, mommy to a little boy who adores me, wife to a man who loves me just as I am. That's the cool thing about aging ... you learn to prioritize and take control of your own life. What some 25-year-old "BA" thinks of me is, in the scheme of things, somewhat under "oral surgery just for the fun of it" in terms of importance.

While I understand that you were trying to be complimentary, I'm with Mossy. We don't need this kind of "compliment". What's wrong with age, wrinkles, flab? Not a damn thing. I love compliments just as much as the next person does. I just wish that they didn't so often come at the expense of someone else.


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## Tooz (May 25, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> I don't give a rat's ass what you, John Doe, or anyone else thinks of my appearance, good or bad. I am what I am. Middle-aged. Flabby in the midsection. Wrinkled. I'm also accomplished, educated, mommy to a little boy who adores me, wife to a man who loves me just as I am. That's the cool thing about aging ... you learn to prioritize and take control of your own life. What some 25-year-old "BA" thinks of me is, in the scheme of things, somewhat under "oral surgery just for the fun of it" in terms of importance.
> 
> While I understand that you were trying to be complimentary, I'm with Mossy. We don't need this kind of "compliment". What's wrong with age, wrinkles, flab? Not a damn thing. I love compliments just as much as the next person does. I just wish that they didn't so often come at the expense of someone else.



Yes.
Sometimes I feel glad that I think this NOW-- I am not here to give a guy a boner. It's fun if I do, but I don't care. I will never have plastic surgery, and I think aging is a privilege that we are given.


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## katherine22 (May 25, 2009)

mossystate said:


> When a man gives ' compliments ' talking about how wonderful it is a certain type of woman stays attractive in the eyes of men...longer...I say that is not much of a compliment. Your mileage obviously varies. All it makes me feel is like I should be greatful. There was nothing hidden...I agree. It was right out there.



It was right out there. The message was be glad some man thinks that you don't look your age and be grateful for some patronizing crumbs from his table.


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## TraciJo67 (May 25, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> It was right out there. The message was be glad some man thinks that you don't look your age and be grateful for some patronizing crumbs from his table.



I don't think that he meant for it to come across that way, but yes ... that was the message, intentional or not.


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## katherine22 (May 25, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> I don't think that he meant for it to come across that way, but yes ... that was the message, intentional or not.



It is something larger. It represents such entrenched thinking that the person thinks they are giving you a compliment when they are being unwittingly insulting. Here we are on a fat admiration site feeling perfectly ok to insult older people who do not look young for their age. People cannot see the parallel.


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## MisterGuy (May 25, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> It is something larger. It represents such entrenched thinking that the person thinks they are giving you a compliment when they are being unwittingly insulting. Here we are on a fat admiration site feeling perfectly ok to insult older people who do not look young for their age. People cannot see the parallel.



I've always found this expectation that Dimensions be an aesthetic judgment-free zone to be strange. This site was started by a guy who (presumably) prefers fat women to skinny women. Is the ideal that people have no preferences in the opposite sex, or just that they don't state them? 

On top of that, equating youthfulness with beauty is not exactly a controversial position to take. While you're at it, I suggest taking on people's preference for symmetrical features, as well. At least you can take comfort in the fact that everyone (if they're lucky) grows old.


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## maxmm (May 25, 2009)

mossystate said:


> When a man gives ' compliments ' talking about how wonderful it is a certain type of woman stays attractive in the eyes of men...longer...I say that is not much of a compliment. Your mileage obviously varies. All it makes me feel is like I should be greatful. There was nothing hidden...I agree. It was right out there.



The safest way to avoid being lambasted in the dimensions forums is to not express any preferences or opinions. 

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

If you DO have nice things to say, don't do that either.

This is one lesson I have learned from following dimensions threads.


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## TraciJo67 (May 25, 2009)

MisterGuy said:


> I've always found this expectation that Dimensions be an aesthetic judgment-free zone to be strange. This site was started by a guy who (presumably) prefers fat women to skinny women. *Is the ideal that people have no preferences in the opposite sex, or just that they don't state them? *



More that they don't wrap the statement of preference, while insulting those who fall outside that range, in pretty packaging and present it as a compliment. 

I prefer tall, thin, fit men. It wouldn't occur to me to state that preference by highlighting how very much I don't prefer short, fat, non-athletic men, and why.


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## mossystate (May 25, 2009)

maxmm said:


> The safest way to avoid being lambasted in the dimensions forums is to not express any preferences or opinions.
> If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
> If you DO have nice things to say, don't do that either.
> This is one lesson I have learned from following dimensions threads.



I am hoping you are sprinkling this all over the board, in every forum, on every thread...attach it to every post. 

This is a place for discussion. Every post will have at least one person agreeing with it, and at least one person who takes issue with what was said. What do you propose. If I see something that speaks to my...me...mine...my experiences and life, I am to pretend I did not see it? 


Sometimes I do just walk by....sometimes I want and need to have my voice heard.......just like the people who initiate what has me smiling or frowning have done. They decided they wanted to be heard. Kind of like........you. If you are above so much, you would have just kept walking. 

I will wait until you have more posts under your belt ( not counting paysite visits ), and will check back to see if you ever disagree with anything...well, not counting this last post.
.....it's ok to give another take on stuff...ya know? Oh, and, lambasted is a lil strong. _1 : to assault violently : beat, whip 
2 : to attack verbally : censure <critics lambasted his performance> _


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## SocialbFly (May 25, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> Here you are a gorgeous woman turning 50 and your response is HOLY CRAP. Some of us have spent our whole lives sensitive to being fat, not enjoying life and then the final insult we get to be sensitive about aging too. The way out of this trap is to value one's opinion of oneself first above all others. The good news about aging is that the gig is up unless you are going to spend thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgery holding on to an illusion. The only way I can endure being older is to get real interested in other people. I actually initiate conversations with strangers; my vain younger version of myself would have never done that.



my response is holy crap, cause when did the years turn into 50...my life zoomed by and i blinked and here i am almost 50...i dont care about the age as much as i do, that now i can get an AARP card....lol.


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## SocialbFly (May 25, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> I don't think that he meant for it to come across that way, but yes ... that was the message, intentional or not.



you know, we give nothing for nationality or change in country and preferences...in Italy, if they see someone beautiful, they say it, he gave us a compliment and i find it sad that sometimes we can't just say, thanks...

i remember a bbw dance, one of my friends got asked by a guy from Germany, if he could dance with her, cause she was the biggest girl there...

hurt her feelings terribly, but i can promise you he meant nothing by it...his phrasing was wrong..but it hurt her badly...but in the meantime, he couldnt stop drooling over her, to him, she was beautiful...and to herself, well, she was crying...

would everyone prefer they say nothing? why is this a problem, help me to understand...i really want to. TraciJo, i love you, help me to understand this...and do it without hurting my feelings, and don't give me a compliment either.


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## TraciJo67 (May 25, 2009)

Dianna, it's not that I don't like seeing people express preferences. It's when they do so at the expense of other people that I find myself ... exasperated. What would be wrong with just saying ... I find fat women to be beautiful, and part of that attraction is that they appear youthful to me. That is a respectful way to express a preference. To me, a disrespectful way would be to say, I think that thin women look old and toneless, which is why I like fat women. That's just part of it, though.

I don't like it when I hear men (and women, most particularly some vicious, catty women) making nasty remarks about fat people. I hate it in part because it speaks to who those people are ... shallow, superficial, mean and petty. I particularly don't like it when it's done at the expense -- within earshot -- of the intended target. It's hurtful, even if that person is able to shrug it off, because *I* have to hear it. Inaction to me means that I'm part of it. 

And yeah, I know ... this is the internet ... he's your friend, and you understand his intent and believe it to be purely complimentary (and I get that, I really do). But what he said didn't just stop with "I like fat women". It started with an unflattering description of the aging process, followed with an equally unflattering description of "older" thin women, and categorization of "bone admirers" that is (in my opinion) just as unfair as it would be to classify FA's as freaks. 

Finally (and this is my issue ... I own it) I don't like the underlying assumption that women have value only inasmuch as men find them attractive. 



SocialbFly said:


> you know, we give nothing for nationality or change in country and preferences...in Italy, if they see someone beautiful, they say it, he gave us a compliment and i find it sad that sometimes we can't just say, thanks...
> 
> i remember a bbw dance, one of my friends got asked by a guy from Germany, if he could dance with her, cause she was the biggest girl there...
> 
> ...


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## mossystate (May 25, 2009)

I think for me it is that the part of the post I quoted was such a ' slug ' compliment. A compliment that leaves a slimy trail, no matter the intention. FA's find fat women attractive for more years...I mean....eeek. I am really trying hard to understand how that is a nice thing. I don't think a person who says such a thing is a monster, but, I do think it comes from a clueless place.


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## Ernest Nagel (May 26, 2009)

The appreciation of true beauty is not so much a preference as a stand-alone experience, imo. It exists independently of any and all other referents. I don't need to compare a great sunset or a spectacular rainbow to any other to relish it. In that regard I totally respect the unspoken (as such) assertion that comparisons and gradients of any kind denigrate the whole concept of beauty. Any notion of intrinsic beauty defies relativistic framing.

OTOH there is something about unexpected or rare juxtapositions. A woman who is chronologically young and completely self-aware is very unusual. A young, _beautiful _woman of any size with such maturity is even more atypical, almost freakish. Young men seldom have the perspective to embrace such depth. I know I certainly didn't.

An older woman with such self-knowledge and gravitas who still retains some aspect of youth (be it in visage or spirit) can be just as intriguing, even more so than a young, beautiful sage. She absolutely shouldn't be faulted for that nor those who recognize any element of her radiance. If she shines through all colors of the spectrum am I guilty to only be dazzled by a few of them? And if I speak only of what I can see in the moment does it diminish how her beauty changes me? 

I think it's Tina's siggy that says "Be happy for this moment; this moment is your life." Omar Khayam? Why not say "Be grateful for her beauty; her beauty is your access to the eternal."? I may never see heaven but I've come as close to understanding what I will have missed when I was enjoying BBW. 

Yes, a little subcutaneous adipose tissue can diminish certain artifacts of time. The sparkle in her eyes, the sweetness in her smile, the hopefulness in her laughter all have little or nothing to do with weight though. They are an expression of how she has worn her life. A life experienced without undue attachment to appearance might possibly allow a larger woman a somewhat greater access to that lightness of being, I don't know. It's just a thought.

I do know that while I have been attracted to smaller women I've never sought an LTR with one. Unfortunately I've always left the SS/BBW I have been in LTR's with unhappier than I found them. Maybe that renders my foregoing observations moot? If I henceforth decline to engage further am I hypocritical to even speculate? I expect so. 

Congrats and thanks if you read more than a couple of lines of this post. I know how pompous and verbose it makes me seem but I'm too dumb to say it simply and well. It's a good inquiry and I felt compelled to take a cut at it. Sorry. :bow:


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## katherine22 (May 26, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Dianna, it's not that I don't like seeing people express preferences. It's when they do so at the expense of other people that I find myself ... exasperated. What would be wrong with just saying ... I find fat women to be beautiful, and part of that attraction is that they appear youthful to me. That is a respectful way to express a preference. To me, a disrespectful way would be to say, I think that thin women look old and toneless, which is why I like fat women. That's just part of it, though.
> 
> I don't like it when I hear men (and women, most particularly some vicious, catty women) making nasty remarks about fat people. I hate it in part because it speaks to who those people are ... shallow, superficial, mean and petty. I particularly don't like it when it's done at the expense -- within earshot -- of the intended target. It's hurtful, even if that person is able to shrug it off, because *I* have to hear it. Inaction to me means that I'm part of it.
> 
> ...



The most difficult thing a woman can do in this culture is to age with dignity. Older women are despised. Education, independence and accomplishment do not get them a pass; older women are devalued since they are considered ugly no matter if they look or do not look their age. Older men want to be with younger women, and it seems like a natural preference sanctioned by society. An older woman who pursues a man much younger is considered a predator, obscene and undignified. In this culture that idea of an older woman having sex is obscene. If a woman should have the balls to rebel against this fate by living life on her own terms as an older woman, she better have money, and she will be considered crazy.


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## katherine22 (May 26, 2009)

MisterGuy said:


> I've always found this expectation that Dimensions be an aesthetic judgment-free zone to be strange. This site was started by a guy who (presumably) prefers fat women to skinny women. Is the ideal that people have no preferences in the opposite sex, or just that they don't state them?
> 
> On top of that, equating youthfulness with beauty is not exactly a controversial position to take. While you're at it, I suggest taking on people's preference for symmetrical features, as well. At least you can take comfort in the fact that everyone (if they're lucky) grows old.



Your point that youthfulness with beauty in not exactly a controversial position to take. What about thinness as the standard for beauty- that isn't controversial either. You can state your aesthetic preference without humiliating those who do not fall under its rubric. Write back when you are old and tell me how lucky you feel.


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## Orso (May 26, 2009)

The topic I brought out was neither meant to be a compliment nor it was meant to be a demeaning, sexist, discriminating remark. It was just a statement based on these facts:

1. Purely physical attraction exists and almost everybody felt it, at a moment or other. Some of us answer rightly "ugh, purely physical attraction. How demeaning, how shallow. Let's end it here". Others answer, also rightly, "wow, purely physical attraction! Let's have fun". But purely physical attraction exists and will always exist.

2. As we get older the physical attraction we can inspire gets less and less. By the way, I'm fully aware that, at 61, my degree of physical attraction is zero. On top of that at my age I would never use my brilliant mind and my great personality - supposing I have either - to induce non-physical attraction in a woman, let's say, of 35-40 years. I still have some leftover shreds of dignity and the whole thing would be ridiculous. More, if I realize that the above-mentioned 35-40 years woman feels some attraction to me, I'd be embarrassed, wary and I would walk away trying not to hurt the lady's feeling. And I hope I did not make another discriminating, sexist and demeaning statement.

3. Big Beautiful Women _generally _age better than skinny women for the reasons I listed. Therefore the average BBW can inspire in a considerably younger FA some degree of physical attraction. At the same age slim women do not have this chance, hence the statement. 

That's all, nothing more and nothing less.


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## BothGunsBlazing (May 26, 2009)

Orso said:


> 3. Big Beautiful Women _generally _age better than skinny women for the reasons I listed. Therefore the average BBW can inspire in a considerably younger FA some degree of physical attraction. At the same age slim women do not have this chance, hence the statement.
> 
> That's all, nothing more and nothing less.



If you're an FA, I doubt it'll matter if the slim woman is 20 or 80. Slim women never really had that chance to begin with. (this statement does not include bisizual folk)

The average BBW regardless of age can inspire more physical attraction in an FA because that is the point of being an FA. I'm not going to see an older fat woman and be like, damn, I like thin women now. 

However, this argument is kind of pointless, since according to super reliable media sources, if you are fat, you won't have a chance to age slowly, because you will self destruct at around age (insert your age here).


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## TraciJo67 (May 26, 2009)

> 1. Purely physical attraction exists and almost everybody felt it, at a moment or other. Some of us answer rightly "ugh, purely physical attraction. How demeaning, how shallow. Let's end it here". Others answer, also rightly, "wow, purely physical attraction! Let's have fun". But purely physical attraction exists and will always exist.



Nobody disputes this. Certainly, nobody who has disagreed with you here is saying that physical attraction is a bad thing. 



> 3. Big Beautiful Women _generally _age better than skinny women for the reasons I listed. Therefore the average BBW can inspire in a considerably younger FA some degree of physical attraction. At the same age slim women do not have this chance, hence the statement.
> 
> That's all, nothing more and nothing less.



In terms of "inspiring attraction" in men (younger and otherwise): You're wrong. When sex is the issue, lots of men ain't that choosy about where they'll hide the salami. Hence, lots of women ain't that impressed by listening to a man talk about how "worth" is assigned to how "attractive" a woman is.

As I mentioned, I'm nearly 42. I look my age. I'm not beautiful. I'm not even pretty. I'm average; attractive when I invest the time in energy in making myself appear so. Still the "laugh lines" around my eyes, "smile indentations" on my cheeks, "intelligence markers" indented on my forehead reveals my age. And, I could, if I wished to, walk into a bar later this evening, announce my availability, choose among the multiple offers, and stroll out with a plaything for the evening. Most, if not all, women could easily do so no matter what you think of their appearance. Some may garner fewer offers than others, but let's face it: Men ain't too choosy when it comes to "physical attraction" in terms of "getting laid". Hooray, me. I'm attractive enough to bone. Even though I am OLD and WRINKLED and I have <gasp> CELLULITE. When I was younger, and lots more foolish, I bought into the notion that my worth was based on how many of those men would (theoretically) stand up and shout "Hell YEAH" if I chose to announce my availability to them. I wish that I'd have known then what I do now. I'd have been a lot kinder to and forgiving of myself. I'd know that what men -- what anyone, really -- think of how attractive I am means nothing in the overall scheme of things. I'd also know that what *I* think of myself means everything -- both to me, AND to others. I'm great just as I am. I love my wrinkles, my cellulite, my saggy, baggy body, my crooked teeth and my great big nose. I've earned every age spot. 

Katherine -- you're preaching to the choir. And it's just fine with me, that I'm <gasp> aging, and ... not _gracefully_, either. Fortunately, most people outside of the internet don't freely speak their minds as their evil thoughts occur to them ... so I'll live in ignorant bliss of what the average man may think of my sexuality, my desirability, my worth as a human being. I'll continue paying my mortgage, buying my groceries, and getting to work on time. So long as I can't be struck where it REALLY matters, it's all good. I'll live in ignorant bliss. It's comfy


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## Teresa (May 26, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> ....... In this culture that idea of an older woman having sex is obscene.  If a woman should have the balls to rebel against this fate by living life on her own terms as an older woman, she better have money, and she will be considered crazy.




Ok, this is a pet peeve of mine. Out of everything that's been written this is what sticks in my mind and I HAVE to respond. 

I have never liked it that women who can live their life as they want, who have courage or who stand up for themselves are considered to "have balls". *shudder* Why attribute to a woman something masculine when what she's doing has nothing to do with masculinity? I know it's just a common phrase, but everytime I hear or read it I feel as if fingernails are being scraped down a chalk board. I'm not searching for another phrase with some kind of female part inserted. I just feel the need to express my opinion on this whenever I see it. 

Teresa


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 26, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> The most difficult thing a woman can do in this culture is to age with dignity. Older women are despised. Education, independence and accomplishment do not get them a pass; older women are devalued since they are considered ugly no matter if they look or do not look their age. Older men want to be with younger women, and it seems like a natural preference sanctioned by society. * An older woman who pursues a man much younger is considered a predator, obscene and undignified. * In this culture that idea of an older woman having sex is obscene. If a woman should have the balls to rebel against this fate by living life on her own terms as an older woman, she better have money, and she will be considered crazy.



That explains why I let the younger ones come to me instead, I suppose  

A lot of us older women....we don't HAVE to be the pursuers.....it now seems to be more "okay" for a younger man to be with an older woman. Let me tell ..... my age doesn't seem to be off-putting with a LOT of 20 somethings that I meet anymore. 
A attribute this to an attitude nowadays that older women are "better" at some things...such as sex, dating and I think they tend to believe we all have "more money" (jokes on them if they think that about me, btw ).

I say all this because a LOT....hell let me back that up....mostly ALL my dates this past year have been with younger men. That was after a 2-year relationship with a man 7 years younger than myself. It's okay if those older guys go for the younger ones.....the younger guys seem to be picking up the slack with us older ladies now. 
Don't know.......those "older guys" that seek younger women.....I don't think they have it anywhere near as good as us now :batting:


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## maxmm (May 26, 2009)

mossystate said:


> I am hoping you are sprinkling this all over the board, in every forum, on every thread...attach it to every post.
> 
> This is a place for discussion. Every post will have at least one person agreeing with it, and at least one person who takes issue with what was said. What do you propose. If I see something that speaks to my...me...mine...my experiences and life, I am to pretend I did not see it?
> 
> ...



Yes, I suppose there is one legitimate reason to be bothered by my post: there are many more examples of posts, some of them more extreme, where I could have posted a similar response. So, don't take it personal, it is just a bit of advice for those who don't want to incite conflict. 

Also, my post had nothing to do with disagreement. I was merely pointing out the twisted notion of political correctness that permeates some of society.

Naturally I concede that some "compliments" do have a nasty undertone and are little more than an attack on the alternative. However, I think Orso's original post is a very weak example of this. These boards have seen much worse, such objections could be sprinkled elsewhere.

Before I go further, I am not targeting you, mossy. If I were to pick a target, there are better examples. Please take my comments out of context and consider them on their own merit, or lack thereof.

I have known many people, on this board and others, who post once or twice and then never return because they were slammed in a place they thought was safe. Not necessarily because they can't handle it, but because they are disillusioned. Dimensions is an example of a community that has an incredibly strong component of acceptance of all kinds, yet much intolerance can still be found. It is the human condition, I suppose.

A very long time ago, before the dimensions forums moved to this fancy new format, I posted a comment (under a different alias) and the replies repelled me for years. My posts were always extremely pro-fat, and then in one of my posts I discussed some of the benefits of being fit. The responses were horrendous and I did not bother with dimensions for years. 

Lurkers may not post for many reasons. They may lack the time to follow threads and other posters, or they may just not want to get involved with the more catty among us. A few bad apples can spoil the whole bunch, especially when the bad ones have time to make thousands of posts [here I should give kudos to AnnMarie and other moderators for doing such a great job and keeping these boards relatively positive].

Again, this is not about you mossy, I like a lot of your posts. This is general commentary, please approach it as such.


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## katherine22 (May 26, 2009)

[*A attribute this to an attitude nowadays that older women are "better" at some things...such as sex, dating and I think they tend to believe we all have "more money" (jokes on them if they think that about me, btw ).
*A lot of us older women....we don't HAVE to be the pursuers.....it now seems to be more "okay" for a younger man to be with an older woman. Let me tell ..... my age doesn't seem to be off-putting with a LOT of 20 somethings that I meet anymore. 


GEF there have always been women who could transcend the cultural stifling of appropriate behavior.


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## maxmm (May 26, 2009)

mossystate said:


> .....If you are above so much, you would have just kept walking.



Great observation. I'm doing one thing but saying another.

Trust me mossy, your posts are cool, I just wanted to make commentary about the social curiosities of an online community like dimensions.


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## Ernest Nagel (May 26, 2009)

Whether a person looks their age or not I think a very interesting question is "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?" There's no right answer. How would you judge your age though? By appearance? By how you feel, what you know? If nothing else will change but a number what number would you choose? Why? 

I'd start a new thread or a poll but this seems relevant to the conversation at hand. Maybe not. If we concede that we're a youth obsessed culture then it seems everyone (except the very young) would pick a younger age than they really are. But if we're more concerned with appearances then it seems most would choose an age that would make them look good for their years. (I'd have to pick about 75, LOL). 

So what is age to you? A number only? A way of keeping score? A painful reminder? I've always looked older than I am; I'm absurdly hirsute and started graying early. I got away with saying I was 21 from the age of 15. At 21 I said I was 30 so I could get more responsibility at work. The only problem is you have to act the age you claim or it won't fly. For that reason almost all my relationships have been with women older than me. In that respect I can honestly say I have no regrets. Ok, maybe one or two . Generally though older chicks RULE! JMO :happy:


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (May 26, 2009)

Orso, I have noticed this also. It's very interesting.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 26, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> GEF there have always been women who could transcend the cultural stifling of appropriate behavior.



Don't know if you meant that as a compliment...but I feel flattered so I'm going to thank you   :bow:


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## SparklingBBW (May 27, 2009)

From what I've read lately, apparently when SS/BBWs shop at Wal-Mart, not only can they pick up cheap socks, panties and detergent, they might also be able to pick up an FA! 

(Don't forget to lift with your knees ladies!)


.


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## thatgirl08 (May 27, 2009)

Genarose54 said:


> From what I've read lately, apparently when SS/BBWs shop at Wal-Mart, not only can they pick up cheap socks, panties and detergent, they might also be able to pick up an FA!
> 
> (Don't forget to lift with your knees ladies!)
> 
> ...



It's spreaaaaaaaaaading.


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## TallFatSue (May 28, 2009)

Genarose54 said:


> From what I've read lately, apparently when SS/BBWs shop at Wal-Mart, not only can they pick up cheap socks, panties and detergent, they might also be able to pick up an FA!


Gee, I got picked up by an FA-in-training simply by hanging around the engineering dorm when I was a university student. Methinx some engineers are naturally swayed by impressive structures. Whatever works. :smitten:


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## tonynyc (May 28, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> Gee, I got picked up by an FA-in-training simply by hanging around the engineering dorm when I was a university student. Methinx some engineers are naturally swayed by impressive structures. Whatever works. :smitten:



*So are Statisticians it's all about the numbers *


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## TallFatSue (May 28, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *So are Statisticians it's all about the numbers *


Aha! That explains the preference for large figures.


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## Ernest Nagel (May 28, 2009)

Semi-random fact and observation: in the financial arena and some social sciences people who focus on numbers and statistical trends are referred to as "quants". I've often wondered if this term wasn't selected to keep too many women from becoming interested in the field? How many gals want to be introduced "Hi, this is Monique and she's our top quant."?  Oh, wait,,, :doh:


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## tonynyc (May 28, 2009)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Semi-random fact and observation: in the financial arena and some social sciences people who focus on numbers and statistical trends are referred to as "quants". I've often wondered if this term wasn't selected to keep too many women from becoming interested in the field? How many gals want to be introduced "Hi, this is Monique and she's our top quant."?  Oh, wait,,, :doh:



*Probably - can u imagine what a wonderful distraction a "BBW Quant" would be :wubu: :wubu: :wubu: 

You might have something there Ernest- you wonder about the term and the fact that there seems to be some bias vs. women in general in the quantitative fields be it : ( Financial : Financial Engineers) - (Sociology: Demographers, Market Researchers) (Mathematics, Statisticians) - (Psychology: Psychometricians -folks that do those wonderful Standardized Test)- (Health/Insurance: Actuaries)...

There was a study that was done in the late 90's  "Journal of Social Issues Vol 53 No. 4 Winter 1997" which discusses the Qualitative/Quantitative Debate in Psychology.

The Study focused on this very debate to the point of key differences with those that embark on Qualitative v. Quantitative Methods. 

I would imagine that much has changed with Qualitative Research since that article. Now instead of Focus Groups or Crude methods to analyzing a respondents answer - you have 'Text Mining" and other applications to monitor Blogs,Internet Chats, Web Traffic etc. etc.*


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## Ernest Nagel (May 29, 2009)

Good study, Tony. Unfortunately I was just making a bad pun. :blush:

Can't we just get back to the "fresher vs. riper" convo?


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## lypeaches (May 29, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Nobody disputes this. Certainly, nobody who has disagreed with you here is saying that physical attraction is a bad thing.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



What she said...fantastic post Tracijo.


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## superodalisque (May 29, 2009)

i think its always been recognized that fat is kind of a youth enhancing thing. at the turn of the previous century women's magazines used to encourage readers to put on a bit of weight as they aged to stay "fresh". it makes me wonder if that will happen again as the baby boomers age. i know we have plastic surgery and restiline injections and the like but that stuff just seems to make most people look monstrous. i wonder if people will ever start suggesting that a nice layer of fat might be where its at again. i wonder where the old v fat balance will end up. which will look better to people?


as for the issue of women being attractive in general... i think each woman should decide for herself where its importance lies. some people aren't interested and others are. neither way is wrong. everyone should enjoy who they are fully in they way they personally see fit. some people love living in thier bodies. some people might be a little uncomfortable with that. what ever is comfortable for you is what is right. everyone can't be happy being just like everyone else since we are all individuals.

as for men giving compliments. give as many as you like. as long as you aren't putting down anyone i don't think there is anything harmful about saying something nice to someone. where have we gotten to if anything nice someone says is suspect and pulled apart. i think if someone gets insulted because someone else is complimented then that person has a self esteem issue they should be working on. as long as the compliment isn't based on degrading someone( as in "you look nothing like that ugly * over there") it should be fine.


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## katherine22 (May 31, 2009)

tonynyc said:


> *Probably - can u imagine what a wonderful distraction a "BBW Quant" would be :wubu: :wubu: :wubu:
> 
> You might have something there Ernest- you wonder about the term and the fact that there seems to be some bias vs. women in general in the quantitative fields be it : ( Financial : Financial Engineers) - (Sociology: Demographers, Market Researchers) (Mathematics, Statisticians) - (Psychology: Psychometricians -folks that do those wonderful Standardized Test)- (Health/Insurance: Actuaries)...
> 
> ...



Qualitative research with its origin in the notion of reality as social construction has attracted a lot of women researchers who are revisiting research questions originated by men to detect male bias in the research. At peril of over simplification, qualitative research is more concerned with how people make meaning of phenomena vs. reducing phenomena to numbers.


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## katherine22 (May 31, 2009)

Genarose54 said:


> From what I've read lately, apparently when SS/BBWs shop at Wal-Mart, not only can they pick up cheap socks, panties and detergent, they might also be able to pick up an FA!
> 
> (Don't forget to lift with your knees ladies!)
> 
> ...



You canl find me in Walmart picking over the cucumbers.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (May 31, 2009)

katherine22 said:


> You canl find me in Walmart picking over the cucumbers.




OMG Katherine.............slam dunk. I gots to come back when my rep meter is running.....:bow:


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## katherine22 (May 31, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> OMG Katherine.............slam dunk. I gots to come back when my rep meter is running.....:bow:



I love your new avatar and pics and of course your sterling wit. :kiss2:


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