# when did you know you were fat?



## mergirl (Aug 5, 2009)

This sounds weird and i guess it is maby aimed more at those who have gained weight.
Was there a definitive point where you though "ahh i'm fat"?.
I wasn't really sure where to post this and i swithered between here and the womans board. I guess i swithered because i don't mean this in an erotic way, more in a "Is there a tipping point"?
Well, yesterday i was sitting on my bed and i noticed myself in the mirror. I realised that i was about as big as a woman i saw (briefly) before my now gf. I remember thinking that the girl i was with at the time i considered a bbw, though i dont really consider myself one. Yesterday though, i thought.."yeah, i'm totally chubby"!!!
I'm wondering how we come to these realisations?
Do they change through time and space and experience?
If it has anything to do with comparisons with others? (ie. i don't think i'm a 'bbw' now because my gf is a lot bigger than me...maby)
Is being 'fat identified' a gradual process or does it just happen and you realise.?
ahh many questions... and from experience someone will pop up and say.. "oh we discussed this in 2004 btw" lmao. ....anyway.. please do..


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Aug 5, 2009)

I remember being 2 or 3 years old and at a fun fair with my parents and being told I was too heavy to play on the inflated castle. I learned I was different....heavy....and fat then.


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## HottiMegan (Aug 5, 2009)

I realized at 7 when my mom would yell at me about needing to lose weight and putting me on weight watchers.


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## NoraBadora (Aug 5, 2009)

Probably since i can remember. I always remember having to shop in a different section and being bigger than other kids.


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 5, 2009)

I was thin/average sized through my early years and into early adulthood. I didn't start gaining until I was in my early (closing in on mid) 20's. Several times, I'd gained 15-20 pounds but would quickly take them off. Anything that I viewed as excess weight really bothered me. 

When I met the man that I later married, he made it pretty clear that he didn't mind a bit of extra cushion. In fact, he thought that I was too thin. I gave up on the constant binge 'n purge, feast or famine routine that I was putting my body through and allowed myself to indulge. I gained a lot of weight in a very short time, which prompted a famine cycle and rapid weight loss ... only difference being, I had more weight to lose than ever before, and less motivation to continue the 'famine' for any extended period. Rinse and repeat. The constant yo-yo'ing did a number on my metabolism and by the time I was in my mid-30's, I'd dieted my way up to 300 pounds. The day that I knew I was really fat, though .. was one day when visiting my family in Illinois. I was in my early 30's. We had a formal event to attend, and I'd forgotten to pack something dressy. I asked my mom if I could borrow one of her dresses, thinking that it would be ridiculously big on me but I'd make do. Instead, it was far, far too small. And I thought of my mother as a very large woman. I can look back on it now and realize just how ridiculous I was, and how self-absorbed, but at the time, it was a devastating realization for me. I didn't view my mother or her weight in a very kind or understanding light. It was hard to acknowledge that I was in fact much bigger than her, and I don't even know why that was. It wasn't like I had any problem being the biggest woman in other settings, and I usually was. 

I wouldn't want to ever be as big as I was again, but that is more because I didn't look or feel at all healthy, nor was I. I had co-morbids associated with my weight, although they resolved themselves while I was still well over 200 pounds. I'm fine with where I am right now, which is still defined as overweight by any standard medical chart (and probably by most non-FA's). Since coming here, and most particularly since resolving many of the issues that haunted me when I was younger, weight doesn't have a central focus in my life anymore. I don't binge and purge/feast and famine anymore, either - and that, combined with the more unfortunate side effects of WLS - tends to keep my weight fairly stable.


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## mergirl (Aug 5, 2009)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> I remember being 2 or 3 years old and at a fun fair with my parents and being told I was too heavy to play on the inflated castle. I learned I was different....heavy....and fat then.





HottiMegan said:


> I realized at 7 when my mom would yell at me about needing to lose weight and putting me on weight watchers.





NoraBadora said:


> Probably since i can remember. I always remember having to shop in a different section and being bigger than other kids.



Wow. Thats really sad. Feeling outcast as a child. Not being allowed to do what others are doing, being made to go on a 'diet' and feeling seperate from others.


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## mergirl (Aug 5, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> I was thin/average sized through my early years and into early adulthood. I didn't start gaining until I was in my early (closing in on mid) 20's. Several times, I'd gained 15-20 pounds but would quickly take them off. Anything that I viewed as excess weight really bothered me.
> 
> When I met the man that I later married, he made it pretty clear that he didn't mind a bit of extra cushion. In fact, he thought that I was too thin. I gave up on the constant binge 'n purge, feast or famine routine that I was putting my body through and allowed myself to indulge. I gained a lot of weight in a very short time, which prompted a famine cycle and rapid weight loss ... only difference being, I had more weight to lose than ever before, and less motivation to continue the 'famine' for any extended period. Rinse and repeat. The constant yo-yo'ing did a number on my metabolism and by the time I was in my mid-30's, I'd dieted my way up to 300 pounds. The day that I knew I was really fat, though .. was one day when visiting my family in Illinois. I was in my early 30's. We had a formal event to attend, and I'd forgotten to pack something dressy. I asked my mom if I could borrow one of her dresses, thinking that it would be ridiculously big on me but I'd make do. Instead, it was far, far too small. And I thought of my mother as a very large woman. I can look back on it now and realize just how ridiculous I was, and how self-absorbed, but at the time, it was a devastating realization for me. I didn't view my mother or her weight in a very kind or understanding light. It was hard to acknowledge that I was in fact much bigger than her, and I don't even know why that was. It wasn't like I had any problem being the biggest woman in other settings, and I usually was.
> 
> I wouldn't want to ever be as big as I was again, but that is more because I didn't look or feel at all healthy, nor was I. I had co-morbids associated with my weight, although they resolved themselves while I was still well over 200 pounds. I'm fine with where I am right now, which is still defined as overweight by any standard medical chart (and probably by most non-FA's). Since coming here, and most particularly since resolving many of the issues that haunted me when I was younger, weight doesn't have a central focus in my life anymore. I don't binge and purge/feast and famine anymore, either - and that, combined with the more unfortunate side effects of WLS - tends to keep my weight fairly stable.



I think you are amazing for working through and resolving many of your issues. Well, i think you are amazing anyway! hmm.. i want to express more than  without the cheesyness of :wubu:... That is where i am at with my feelings about you right now. I also think that one of the bravest things you can do is to actually just tell your story sometimes. So cheers missus.x 
What is/are co-morbids btw??.


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## Spanky (Aug 5, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I think you are amazing for working through and resolving many of your issues. Well, i think you are amazing anyway! hmm.. i want to express more than  without the cheesyness of :wubu:... That is where i am at with my feelings about you right now. I also think that one of the bravest things you can do is to actually just tell your story sometimes. So cheers missus.x
> What is/are co-morbids btw??.



Hers is a very interesting story. Except she charged me $3.99/minute to get it. 

You got it for free. 



Scots get all the breaks.


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## mergirl (Aug 5, 2009)

Spanky said:


> Hers is a very interesting story. Except she charged me $3.99/minute to get it.
> 
> You got it for free.
> 
> ...



I didn't get it..
Then i got it..:doh:
Your terrible spankial!!
Maby i 'should' have posted this on the womans board!!


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## TraciJo67 (Aug 5, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I think you are amazing for working through and resolving many of your issues. Well, i think you are amazing anyway! hmm.. i want to express more than  without the cheesyness of :wubu:... That is where i am at with my feelings about you right now. I also think that one of the bravest things you can do is to actually just tell your story sometimes. So cheers missus.x
> What is/are co-morbids btw??.



Mergirlie, you're the shiny gem. I'm just a cloudy amethyst 

I didn't really "work through" my issues so much as I matured, and a somewhat natural extension of that is learning not to care so much what others think of me (or to at least grant that power very grudgingly, and only to people who I care about). I still have plenty of other issues that, with time, I'll look back on and wonder what the hell I was on about. Or not. Wisdom isn't a guarantee with age, though I sure wish it was. Should be some kind of consolation prize for watching your skin do the southernly slide with every passing minute :doh:

I had hypertension that wasn't completely controlled by medication, high blood sugar (hadn't been formally diagnosed as diabetic yet, as my fasting levels were right on the cusp), sleep apnea, and a lot of pain in my weight-bearing joints. All of those conditions, with exception to the latter, have completely resolved. Now, I have frequent bouts of chronic anemia due to iron & B-12 deficiencies, and still the pain in my weight-bearing joints  But a lot more mobility, which is very important to me. I love being able to [pop some Motrin and then] run around with my little boy.

Oh, and Spanky? Bite it


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## Spanky (Aug 5, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I didn't get it..
> Then i got it..:doh:
> Your terrible spankial!!
> Maby i 'should' have posted this on the womans board!!



Actually, I am a big TraciJo fan. From afar (like 20 miles ). Her story is actually a bedrock story of Dimensions. Most don't know it, many don't hear it and would be blown away by it. 

But she presents as a generally college-educated-well-seasoned-smart-assed extraordinaire. 

.....with a cute as a button "nut brown hare" little boy. :bow:


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Aug 6, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Wow. Thats really sad. Feeling outcast as a child. Not being allowed to do what others are doing, being made to go on a 'diet' and feeling seperate from others.



This probably explains why I am so jaded and bitter and find it so hard to fit in anywhere...even here.


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## mergirl (Aug 6, 2009)

BigBellySSBBW said:


> This probably explains why I am so jaded and bitter and find it so hard to fit in anywhere...even here.



Well, it would be understandable. 
You know though, it seems that you are fighting and as far as i know you are not an alcoholic or crackhead... so well done on that at least!! :happy:


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Aug 6, 2009)

mergirl said:


> Well, it would be understandable.
> You know though, it seems that you are fighting and as far as i know you are not an alcoholic or crackhead... so well done on that at least!! :happy:



lol...you don't know me very well then

Just kidding. The last time I was drunk was in Dec08, lol. I dont really enjoy drinking much and I dont get hungover...I just dont like the out of control feeling. And the only drug Ive tried is weed and I gave that up way before I moved to england, lol

Being grown up is sooooo boring!

And yes I am fighting...hard.


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## Tooz (Aug 6, 2009)

I'm pretty sure I have been fat as long as I can remember. I was always much taller and heavier than everyone else-- though I was not nearly as fat as I thought I was, looking back.


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## mergirl (Aug 6, 2009)

Tooz said:


> I'm pretty sure I have been fat as long as I can remember. I was always much taller and heavier than everyone else-- though I was not nearly as fat as I thought I was, looking back.



See, i hear that from a lot of people. My gf always talks about how she thought when she was fat when she was a teenager when infact she just really wasn't. Though she was slightly bigger than her friends. I think in many ways its relative, which is maby why i don't feel that big at the moment-even though i thought someone who was my size was big about 3 years ago. Hmm..i guess to some extent size is very subjective and relative.


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## Tooz (Aug 6, 2009)

mergirl said:


> See, i hear that from a lot of people. My gf always talks about how she thought when she was fat when she was a teenager when infact she just really wasn't. Though she was slightly bigger than her friends. I think in many ways its relative, which is maby why i don't feel that big at the moment-even though i thought someone who was my size was big about 3 years ago. Hmm..i guess to some extent size is very subjective and relative.



Well, I was FAT fat from puberty on. 206 at age 11 or 12. Before that, I was mildly pudgy, but the reality was i was just more physically mature. From the age of 6 or so, I was wearing a misses' size 7.


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## Crystal (Aug 6, 2009)

I was a cheerleader in elementary school.

I tried out for cheerleading and kicked ass.  I was #2 on the score list (woot for fat girls), and was so excited I could barely contain myself. 

Until the team had to be sized for uniforms the next day. As a 10 year old, I realized I was twice the size of these girls.


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## Paquito (Aug 6, 2009)

Well I was always kinda aware that I was on the larger side, since I'd always worn husky pant sizes.

But when I was around 10 years old, I was trying on my school uniform and went to show my mom and grandma. They decided to point out how my lovehandles were prominent, so that's how I officially knew I was fat.


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## Esther (Aug 6, 2009)

I don't really post here because I'm no longer heavy... but I was as a child, and this thread rings such a bell with me.

To be honest I never noticed that anybody was different from anyone else until about fourth grade. A new girl moved to our school and started bullying everybody pretty badly... anyone that got in her way got tormented. She would pinch me and a couple other girls in the change room before gym class because we were fat, and a lot of the other girls ganged up on us as well (probably to avoid pissing her off). I truly never noticed that I or any of the other girls were heavier than other children until that girl pointed it out, because nobody had ever made a peep about it before. 

I think children can be so cruel to one another. It sounds like I'm not the only one who felt ostracized as a child.


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## Tad (Aug 6, 2009)

In kindergarten, when a couple of other kids sang at me:

Fatty, fatty, two-by-four,
couldn't get through the bathroom door,
so he did it on the floor, 
licked it up and did some more.

I wasn't really all that big, I think mostly they had just heard some exciting potty humour and were stoked to use it  Still, from then on I was aware of my size, which has varied from barely on the heavy side of normal to probably fattest tenth of my peer group. Except for that song I was barely ever bothered about my size (although my Mom is past-master of twice-veiled hints, so I knew she had an opinion, even if she carefully didn't say anything directly). But when you get singled out that young, I think it sticks with you.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 6, 2009)

I don't remember the first time I realized I was fat. The first weight-related memory I really have is of me in my kitchen at my old house, I was standing near the stove while my mom was cooking sloppy joe's and I told her I was going on a diet. She acted glad to hear it. In reality, I hadn't eaten anything in two days. I was five.


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## ssflbelle (Aug 6, 2009)

The first time I was aware I was fat was in the fourth grade when a picture was taken of me in my girl scout uniform. I was the biggest one in the picture height and weight wise. Turns out the following year my parents sent me to my first weight loss summer camp.


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## Tanuki (Aug 7, 2009)

When I was around 7-8

After getting beat up at school I overheard a teacher telling the boys who did it "I know he is fat but you shouldn't do that"


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## bexy (Aug 7, 2009)

T-Bear said:


> When I was around 7-8
> 
> After getting beat up at school I overheard a teacher telling the boys who did it "I know he is fat but you shouldn't do that"



Thats horrible!!! What a horrible teacher! This has just made me so mad 

I honestly don't know when I realised I was fat. I really can't remember ever not being aware of it.


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## pdesil071189 (Aug 17, 2009)

I Honestly cant remember i just have always been fat


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## mergirl (Aug 17, 2009)

thatgirl08 said:


> I don't remember the first time I realized I was fat. The first weight-related memory I really have is of me in my kitchen at my old house, I was standing near the stove while my mom was cooking sloppy joe's and I told her I was going on a diet. She acted glad to hear it. In reality, I hadn't eaten anything in two days. I was five.


Oh gah! 5 seems so young not to have eaten anything for 2 days because you felt fat. Hmm.


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## mergirl (Aug 17, 2009)

T-Bear said:


> When I was around 7-8
> 
> After getting beat up at school I overheard a teacher telling the boys who did it "I know he is fat but you shouldn't do that"





bexy said:


> Thats horrible!!! What a horrible teacher! This has just made me so mad
> 
> I honestly don't know when I realised I was fat. I really can't remember ever not being aware of it.



Yes, utterly sickening! Poor you T-bear, that fucking stinks!


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## stromblad666 (Aug 17, 2009)

I was always pretty stocky as a kid, and put down my love handle and thigh stretchmarks to that. A few years ago i got my first stretch mark on my belly, I still remember the strange feeling that gave me, a sort of mixed reaction of disgust and arousal at the same time. It sort of confirmed what i guess i always knew, no denying the fattness anymore.


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## fatbellygirl (Aug 18, 2009)

I was always a little bigger than other kids, but also one of the tallest. Very active in sports all the way through high school. I didn't see my fatness until 2004. I avoided looking at most pics or would avoid having them taken. During this time I also gained 100 lbs! So when I finally really looked at these photos, I was like WOW!! I'm HUGE! At first I couldn't believe I had gained that much weight! I was sooo fat! I was the fattest person in all the pics. But oddly turned on. Even though my husband was turned off. Now I wish I could hit at least 300!


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## msbard90 (Aug 18, 2009)

well.. I always thought I was fat when I was a little kid. My older sisters would measure around my waist almost daily, and at about age 7, they had me doing sit ups and "mousercise" (lol an 80's exercise tape for kids supposedly featuring mickey mouse, but i don't remember him in it). I continued to be "chubby" or so they warped me to believe until about age 16 or so. From age 17- 19 I've gained about 150 lbs.... and now I don't care and look back and see how ridiculous I was thinking I was the fattest girl ever at 105-115 lbs. lol.... Now they tell me I'm at risk for a heart attack.. Whatever lol I'm healthy and I know it. It only took me 12 years, anorexia, and a whole lot of suicidal thoughts to figure out that I look better now than I ever did thin


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## mergirl (Aug 18, 2009)

I'm so sorry you had to go through so much shit. Though, it seems to have made you the amazing person you are today. Good on you missus, for fighting and winning!


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## msbard90 (Aug 18, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I'm so sorry you had to go through so much shit. Though, it seems to have made you the amazing person you are today. Good on you missus, for fighting and winning!



well thank you too  i love being part of the most health conscious family ever. my dad helped my best friend realize she was fat at dinner one night... gotta love them


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## Tad (Aug 18, 2009)

msbard90 said:


> well thank you too  i love being part of the most health conscious family ever. my dad helped my best friend realize she was fat at dinner one night... gotta love them



:doh:

Glad you've managed to move on and find your own centre.


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## Oldtimer76 (Aug 18, 2009)

msbard90 said:


> well thank you too  i love being part of the most health conscious family ever. my dad helped my best friend realize she was fat at dinner one night... gotta love them



A very _*tight hug*_ to a wonderful lady!:bow:


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## bdog (Aug 18, 2009)

msbard90 said:


> i love being part of the most health conscious family ever. my dad helped my best friend realize she was fat at dinner one night... gotta love them



hahaha... sounds like a lovely evening.  

once upon a time i helped my sister to realize she was fat and terrible. it was my sacred duty as a younger brother. now she's thin and happy, and i like fat girls and she's a nurse who feels entitled to tell me how unhealthy it is. go karma. its your bithday. go karma. it's your birthday.


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## msbard90 (Aug 18, 2009)

well thanks everyone  but lets get back on topic before my post gets deleted haha jk jk


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## lovelocs (Aug 19, 2009)

I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not fat.:eat1:

But honestly, my mom was the first person to tell me I was fat. She is a militant thinnist, a lean and muscular vegetarian, and also pretty anti-femininity. So when I started developing hips and breasts, she didn't know how to react. I was 5'9" and a size 6-8. She said I had fat thighs.
I was 14.

My first year of college I gained 30 pounds. I gained another 50 as a senior. But I did it, on my own. I am now 10 years older, at 233 lbs., and I don't feel "fat." (I know, intellectually, that I am, but I refuse to attach any unnecessary meaning to this word). Maybe it's just denial, or maybe it's a refusal to be shamed, no matter what my reality is.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 30, 2009)

I realized it around age 11/12- the exact day my father couldn't resist calling me fat.


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## Lolita13 (Sep 1, 2009)

when I couldnt shop my favorite stores anymore and split my pants at work and had to find a plus size store


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