# Being hit on by friends



## Saoirse (Feb 2, 2015)

I was originally going to post this in one of those random confessions/whats making you feel annoyed/happy/sad/etc) threads in the lounge, but Im actually thinking this might be a better place for it, as I think most women can relate.

I went to a friend's Superbowl party last night and had a great time (GO PATS!!!!!) A friend showed up and I was so excited to see him, because even though I work in the town he lives in, we still don't see each other too often and the last time we bumped into each other he told me about some ridic shit he was going through with his ex, in regards to their kids and I wanted to know how it was going. It was great to catch up and we chatted and laughed and ate yummy food.

During the night, he had to move his car so some other people could leave. He was outside for a good 20 minutes before we realized that he hadn't also left, like we thought after he didn't come back inside. He was just sitting in his car, in the dark and freezing cold. I went to coax him back inside to sober up a bit. I grab his hand and say Come back inside with me. He stands up, grabs me for a big hug (aww) and says Im an incredibly sweet and caring friend (awwwww I know lol) and then tries to kiss me and tells me some sexual things he wants to do with me. :doh:

me: I've certainly thought about it many times, but you have a girlfriend and I dont want to get in the middle of that.
him: You dont want to be a bad girl? 
me: I've had my 'bad girl' time, but now I wanna be a good girl.
him: Thats very respectable. You're amazing.

We went back inside, I got him some water and cake and sat with him on the couch. He cuddled up to me, thanking me for the water and cake and we watched the game.

Honestly, Im having a little trouble understanding all this. He has a serious gf who lives with him, but I know they've been having some problems (possibly due to his slight alcohol problem, but I really dont know). Its also worth mentioning that he's very good friends with and a very close neighbor to my fwb, so every once in a while, I show up for some booty and he's there hanging out with my fwb. He knows what we do, its never awkward. The three of us will hang out for hours, until he remembers the original reason for my being there and he heads back home so me and the fwb can be alone. 

So was this just an "I'm having a rough time with my girlfriend, and you are very sweet and wonderful and also here presently" thing? Or was it some sort of drunk-truth? Maybe he thinks Im easy cause Im banging his friend (who is single!).

One more thing he said kinda got to me. We were sitting on the couch and he says to me "Do you want love? You deserve love. He (fwb) can't give you love." I didnt answer him, just kept watching the game. 

I adore this guy. From the moment I first met him, I felt an instant solid connection and I love being friends with him. He's a great father, raising 2 well-behaved, smart, talented kids. He's sweet and friendly and always so nice to me, but this experience has made me a little leery of getting closer, even just as friends. If he didn't a girlfriend, it would be a different story, but Im not a home-wrecker!

Any other ladies have similar experiences? My brain feels fuzzy :doh:


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## lucca23v2 (Feb 2, 2015)

Has he said it any other time? It might just have been that he was having a hard time with the girlfriend and then got drunk and got things a bit confused. 

That is a slippery slope. I do not envy you right now my friend.

Good luck.


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## Marlayna (Feb 2, 2015)

You did the right thing, and saved yourself some heartache along the way. Just wait and see how it plays out. Ya never know.:batting:


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## Saoirse (Feb 3, 2015)

After talking to a mutual friend, Im thinking this was more of a "Im drunk and lonely" kinda thing. Or maybe just a "IM VERY DRUNK" thing. Its ok, I get that way too. Im glad I was able to stop it (hes so damn cute).

But... I've been around him when he was drunk numerous times and this never happened before. hmmmm


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## bejeweledlyoness (Feb 3, 2015)

There is no such thing as a *slight* alcohol problem; you have one or don't. This sounds like he wanted to have sex with you so long as it was hidden or on the DL. Do *NOT* do this ever. If s/he won't be seen in the daytime with you and acknowledge you as a dating partner, you want nothing to do with them.


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## lucca23v2 (Feb 3, 2015)

Geez bejeweled..ligthen up... I don't think it was that serious. He got drunk and may have overstep some boundries. 

And there is such a thing as a slight alcohol problem. There are people who only drink on occasion, but when they do, they don't know when to stop so they wind up drunk every time they drink and over step boundries. That is a alcohol problem, but not a full blown addiction.


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## Saoirse (Feb 5, 2015)

bejeweledlyoness said:


> There is no such thing as a *slight* alcohol problem; you have one or don't. This sounds like he wanted to have sex with you so long as it was hidden or on the DL. Do *NOT* do this ever. If s/he won't be seen in the daytime with you and acknowledge you as a dating partner, you want nothing to do with them.



I think it was way more... drunk, lonely, unhappy at home and I was there and being nice to him. He's not a sleaze, just has some problems. He knows I love him


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## Saoirse (Feb 22, 2015)

A mutual friend told me that he's been staying sober since that night. I really, really hope its true.

It would be arrogant of me to assume that I had anything to do with his revelations, but the thought of him hitting on me and then realizing he has a problem kinda hurts.

But only for a second. It sounds like that night was his low point, but I think of it as a high point, spiritually. He's my friend and as long as he's happy and healthy, then Im happy too.


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## bejeweledlyoness (Feb 22, 2015)

I agree that I might be a little harsh on this but I have seen the results of alcoholism and it's just a horrible mess. I hope you're right and it's not a recurring problem.


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## Yakatori (Feb 22, 2015)

lucca23v2 said:


> "_And there is such a thing as a slight alcohol problem....That is a alcohol problem, but not a full blown addiction..._"


Yeah, that kind of bothered me as well when I first read it. Even though there was some good substance to what, I think, she was basically trying to say.

But, yeah, obviously there IS such a thing as a slight alcohol problem. I mean, wheretf does anyone think alcoholism even comes from? Obviously, it has to start somewhere.

Lots and lots of people, particularlyas you look into the younger demographic (>30) fall into the broad category of "problem-drinker." They either can't manage their own tolerance too well (consistently drink too much) and/or have underlying issues which are further compounded by any easing of inhibition. It can take years of this before such a person experiences anything even remotely in the realm of the physical toll of actual alcoholism. Similarly, you take such a person outside of whatever social milieu (college, military, holidays, etc...) where they most feel compelled to drink and into an environment where alcohol is not so easily accessible and it's not so strange to see them as if unconsciously modify their behavior accordingly. 

Whereas there are alcoholics who've drank rubbing alcohol in desperation.

I think a better way to put it would just be to say that, once addicted, and without any kind of intervention or treatment, an alcoholic will just get progressively worse and worse and worse until they literally drink themselves to death.



bejeweledlyoness said:


> "_...If *s*/he won't be seen in the daytime with you and acknowledge you as a dating partner, you want nothing to do with them._"


Although, I thought, at least it was good that you pretty much acknowledged that women do it to. 



Saoirse said:


> "_...has a serious gf who lives with him, but I know they've been having some problems ..great father, raising 2 well-behaved, smart, talented kids...If he didn't a *girlfriend*, it would be a different story, but Im not a *home-wrecker*!_"


This, also, is kind of weird: That you refer to his _girlfriend_ as such and not the mother of this kids, what does any of it really have to with his them? I mean, they may like his girlfriend and all; but, really, they don't care who their dad's 'friends' with? Why should they?



Saoirse said:


> "_....he's been staying sober since that night... It sounds like that night was his low point, but I think of it as a high point, spiritually..._"


Ah...heh....his striking out with you is really more like, to extend the baseball metaphor, a foul ball. Neither a 'high' nor 'low. An event, but ultimately without any real consequence.

Had you actually indulged him, now -that- certainly would be a "high," for him, any which way you want to describe it. A "low" would be, like, if he tried the same thing with a co-worker and ended up losing his job over it. In contrast, _rock-bottom_ is, like, a ways after that; losing your house, car, can't see your kids, teeth are falling out. You black-out, from time to time, waking up in all kinds of strange places. And people, in general, seem scary. That kind of thing.


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## Saoirse (Feb 22, 2015)

Yakatori said:


> This, also, is kind of weird: That you refer to his _girlfriend_ as such and not the mother of this kids, what does any of it really have to with his them? I mean, they may like his girlfriend and all; but, really, they don't care who their dad's 'friends' with? Why should they?



She's not their mom, but he has primary custody and she's been living with them for a few years...

sooo yuh. kids might have an issue in that sitch.


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## superodalisque (Apr 16, 2015)

maybe THIS is exactly why he is having problems with the gf ?


IMO there is no such thing as a slight alcohol problem. you're either an alcoholic or you aren't.


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## GoodDaySir (Apr 16, 2015)

He's sober, he's working a lot and him and his gf are totally in love.

Case closed people.


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## Ruby Ripples (Apr 16, 2015)

GoodDaySir said:


> He's sober, he's working a lot and him and his gf are totally in love.
> 
> Case closed people.



Why, who are you, him or his girlfriend? lol


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## superodalisque (Apr 17, 2015)

lucky GF ? :blink: lol . me and Soairse often disagree hard on nearly everything but even I know she is too good for this ish.

*grumbles about some man bringing his dysfunctional BS and drama to her house *


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## GoodDaySir (Apr 17, 2015)

Ruby Ripples said:


> Why, who are you, him or his girlfriend? lol



Im Saoirse. 

I said the case is closed.


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## superodalisque (Apr 18, 2015)

what is wrong that people can't just be who they are ?


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## Ruby Ripples (Apr 18, 2015)

superodalisque said:


> what is wrong that people can't just be who they are ?




I wonder if she got locked out of her other account like I did. Though I made it more than clear and it got sorted out. 

Very odd, lol.


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## GoodDaySir (Apr 19, 2015)

Ruby Ripples said:


> I wonder if she got locked out of her other account like I did. Though I made it more than clear and it got sorted out.
> 
> Very odd, lol.



I was banned for a month, and now its almost 2 months later and it still says Im banned. So i made a new account.


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## Tad (Apr 27, 2015)

If you hit problems like this, please let me know. It seems things are not expiring like they should, but I have access to basic admin functions and can get around that by brute force.


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## GoodDaySir (Apr 27, 2015)

Tad said:


> If you hit problems like this, please let me know. It seems things are not expiring like they should, but I have access to basic admin functions and can get around that by brute force.



I have zero confidence in our new administration. Its been shown many times that Admin doesn't give a shit about current, long-time members. Ive sent multiple messages about my ban not being lifted a month after it was supposed to have been and no responses back. My new profile is fine.


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