# Using FAs



## superodalisque (Feb 8, 2008)

the common story has been about BBWs who get taken advantage of by predatory FAs. but i was wondering is there another side of the coin? are there FAs who get used for sex etc... until BBWs gain their self esteem and either get WLS, diet , and/or move on to a non-FA?

a good/bad example might be someone like oprah who did her time in the movement and opted out. what do you think about this? does it even happen that much? if it does how do you feel about it? a question particulary aimed at FAs is have you ever felt used in that way?


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## Danyull (Feb 8, 2008)

Oh yes it happens. Not that I have done that, I'm 18 sure, but not old enough to be dating and having sex with women of the larger size. I admit that I have dated and broken up with two, for stupid subconsiouse sabotage reasons, that was a while ago, I've grown up alot since then.

I expect it still happens out there with alot of FAs but I wouldn't be here and talking to all of you wonderful people if I was still that bastard of a guy.

Makes me wonder though, how many of those lurking guys here are just in it for the sex. Or the free pics.


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## superodalisque (Feb 8, 2008)

Danyull said:


> Oh yes it happens. Not that I have done that, I'm 18 sure, but not old enough to be dating and having sex with women of the larger size. I admit that I have dated and broken up with two, for stupid subconsiouse sabotage reasons, that was a while ago, I've grown up alot since then.
> 
> I expect it still happens out there with alot of FAs but I wouldn't be here and talking to all of you wonderful people if I was still that bastard of a guy.
> 
> Makes me wonder though, how many of those lurking guys here are just in it for the sex. Or the free pics.




yes but have you ever been used by a BBW?


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## Danyull (Feb 8, 2008)

She never described herself as a BBW, but she was big. Found out her friend and I were dating, she got jellouse and ended up coming to a party late, when I was drunk. Next day I found myself in the same bed as her and a text on my phone from the girl I was dating saying that we're finished.

Guess that's a case? For you to judge.


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## ThatFatGirl (Feb 8, 2008)

You lost me at Oprah... what does she have to do with the question? She dated or "used" an FA? Stedman has been loving on both a fat and less fat Oprah all these many years.


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## superodalisque (Feb 8, 2008)

ThatFatGirl said:


> You lost me at Oprah... what does she have to do with the question? She dated or "used" an FA? Stedman has been loving on both a fat and less fat Oprah all these many years.



stedman doesn't see himself as an FA and has dated all kinds of women. but oprah was doing the BBW scene for a while and decided that she didn't like it. some FAs might see what she has done as turning. but i could be rong about that. i'm not an FA and i really don't have a clue. maybe that was a bad example. but i hope the gist of the question makes sense. do BBWs use FAs to gain their self esteem and then move on. how do they feel about that if it does happen?


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## Emma (Feb 8, 2008)

I must admit I have used a fair few FAs for sex.. but I've had the same done to me too.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Feb 8, 2008)

How do you define "using" or "taking advantage" of somebody?


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## Sugar (Feb 8, 2008)

I will say when I was younger and new to the whole idea of BBW's I used a couple of men. At the time I felt like it was fair mutual benefit. They got the fat girl fix and I got gifts and attention. Now with a few years under my belt I feel as though I did use them. I knew I didn't much care for them, and yes when I felt better about myself I let them go. 

Naturally I would never act this way now and I hope I've made amends with these fellows. That being said, humans are humans. We all have the capacity to do good and bad things.


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## superodalisque (Feb 8, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> How do you define "using" or "taking advantage" of somebody?



just generally misleading them with ones intentions if they are expecting more.


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## flip.the.nuts (Feb 8, 2008)

Danyull said:


> She never described herself as a BBW, but she was big. Found out her friend and I were dating, she got jellouse and ended up coming to a party late, when I was drunk. Next day I found myself in the same bed as her and a text on my phone from the girl I was dating saying that we're finished.
> 
> Guess that's a case? For you to judge.



Dude, that sure sounds like you were a dick.


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## Danyull (Feb 8, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> Dude, that sure sounds like you were a dick.



Oh? How did you come to this assumption?


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## flip.the.nuts (Feb 8, 2008)

I think the original poster has a good question...

The thing here is that I think the majority of relationships (early age ones 14-25) are just people using each other. You only get a good understanding of love later in life, in my opinion.

People use each other for sex, it's a well known fact! lol

What Lucky said earlier is probably the example this thread was looking for. People have needs; bigger women didn't ask for the media to create campaigns to demonise fat and lower their self esteem and give them these problems.


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## Danyull (Feb 8, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> I think the original poster has a good question...
> 
> The thing here is that I think the majority of relationships (early age ones 14-25) are just people using each other. You only get a good understanding of love later in life, in my opinion.
> 
> ...



That contridicts what you just said to me.

You aren't very good at this are you.


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## Sugar (Feb 8, 2008)

Danyull said:


> She never described herself as a BBW, but she was big. Found out her friend and I were dating, she got jellouse and ended up coming to a party late, when I was drunk. Next day I found myself in the same bed as her and a text on my phone from the girl I was dating saying that we're finished.
> 
> Guess that's a case? For you to judge.



Do you feel that you were used? Does her jealousy/use negate your cheating?

Just wondering what you think about what you said.


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## flip.the.nuts (Feb 8, 2008)

Danyull said:


> That contridicts what you just said to me.
> 
> You aren't very good at this are you.



Apparently not, lol

What did I do to confuse?


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## Danyull (Feb 8, 2008)

Lucky said:


> Do you feel that you were used? Does her jealousy/use negate your cheating?
> 
> Just wondering what you think about what you said.



I feel it was unjust of her to waltz in and do what she did even though she knew I was drunk, I had no idea what was going on. It had been around a year since we had broken up, and she didn't even speak to her friend. We had ben talking for some months before we started dating.

Then suddenly she started taking interest in our developing relationship.

Then all of this happened.


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## Danyull (Feb 8, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> Apparently not, lol
> 
> What did I do to confuse?



"The thing here is that I think the majority of relationships (early age ones 14-25) are just people using each other. You only get a good understanding of love later in life, in my opinion."

That's basically saying you've done it yourself.

So it's rather unjust of you to be calling me a "Dick" when you make yourself appear like one.

Please try to be a little less insulting next time.

The least you can say right now is sorry.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Feb 8, 2008)

Danyull said:


> Oh yes it happens. Not that I have done that, I'm 18 sure, but not old enough to be dating and having sex with women of the larger size. I admit that I have dated and broken up with two, for stupid subconsiouse sabotage reasons, that was a while ago, I've grown up alot since then.
> 
> I expect it still happens out there with alot of FAs but I wouldn't be here and talking to all of you wonderful people if I was still that bastard of a guy.
> 
> Makes me wonder though, how many of those lurking guys here are just in it for the sex. Or the free pics.



So, wait. Are you 18 or 20? Your profile is confusing me. How are you not old enough to be dating bigger women? You can't tell when a chick is fat when you're drunk or something?


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## Danyull (Feb 8, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> So, wait. Are you 18 or 20? Your profile is confusing me. How are you not old enough to be dating bigger women? You can't tell when a chick is fat when you're drunk or something?



You mustn't be a big drinker.

And yes I need to adjust my profile. I was 
friends with a few people who invited me here before I was 18, so the age thing was required.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Feb 8, 2008)

Hmm, I don't think so. I'm far too meticulous and slow moving. If anyone wanted to use me they'd get really sick of having to wait around. I guess that is how I assure myself of not being put in that position. It's sort of dorky of me. haha


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## flip.the.nuts (Feb 8, 2008)

Danyull said:


> "The thing here is that I think the majority of relationships (early age ones 14-25) are just people using each other. You only get a good understanding of love later in life, in my opinion."
> 
> That's basically saying you've done it yourself.
> 
> ...



Sorry man, I just think cheating on people is really quite a heartless thing to do.

I didn't mention that cheating on people was okay. I was saying relationships where people are in it for the sex mainly, or one night stands, etc are understandable for young people (me being one of them at 20).


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## Danyull (Feb 8, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> Sorry man, I just think cheating on people is really quite a heartless thing to do.
> 
> I didn't mention that cheating on people was okay. I was saying relationships where people are in it for the sex mainly, or one night stands, etc are understandable for young people (me being one of them at 20).



Fair enough 
:happy:


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## Sugar (Feb 8, 2008)

Danyull said:


> I feel it was unjust of her to waltz in and do what she did even though she knew I was drunk, I had no idea what was going on. It had been around a year since we had broken up, and she didn't even speak to her friend. We had ben talking for some months before we started dating.
> 
> Then suddenly she started taking interest in our developing relationship.
> 
> Then all of this happened.



I think this is a double edge sword. Yes, she likely used you to get back at another girl or hell to even get back at you. What a mean thing to do...

The flip side...cheating is cheating, and we reap what we sow, right?

Thanks for clarifying though!

People are animals even if we don't often want to admit it. Capable of empathy AND apathy.


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## Danyull (Feb 8, 2008)

Lucky said:


> I think this is a double edge sword. Yes, she likely used you to get back at another girl or hell to even get back at you. What a mean thing to do...
> 
> The flip side...cheating is cheating, and we reap what we sow, right?
> 
> ...



Good times... :doh:


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## angel-1 (Feb 8, 2008)

Yes, I have had BBWS use me for sex and I didn't mind it at all.


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## Les Toil (Feb 8, 2008)

flip.the.nuts said:


> Dude, that sure sounds like you were a dick.



Well, between his drunk ass and the girl that wanted to get even with her friend by fucking her BF, I'd say she's no tiny prick either.


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## Les Toil (Feb 8, 2008)

Unfortunately those _being-heartlessly-used-for-sex-by-BBWs_ years completely eluded me.


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## stan_der_man (Feb 8, 2008)

Would any of you large lovely ladies like me to refill your drinks?


Seriously... no problem, I'll get up and do it.





I think we all "use" each other (whether in a relationship or simple social interaction...) to a certain extent. I don't think this is anything that can easily be pin-pointed to FA / Fat person relationships. "Using" someone is only bad in my opinion when it's based on deceit / false promises. That transcends all sorts of relationships and interactions.



One last time... no refills? It's my pleasure.. really.



cabana_boy_stan


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## RKC (Feb 8, 2008)

This isn't really a size issue. People of every size have poor self-o-steem.​


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## Sugar (Feb 8, 2008)

RKC said:


> This isn't really a size issue. People of every size have poor self-o-steem.​



Kudos, I agree.


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## Webmaster (Feb 8, 2008)

A former business partner of mine was married to a mid-size woman whom he adored. She chose to have WLS, then left him after she lost 70 pounds or so, on the grounds that she could now do much better than him. 



superodalisque said:


> the common story has been about BBWs who get taken advantage of by predatory FAs. but i was wondering is there another side of the coin? are there FAs who get used for sex etc... until BBWs gain their self esteem and either get WLS, diet , and/or move on to a non-FA?
> 
> a good/bad example might be someone like oprah who did her time in the movement and opted out. what do you think about this? does it even happen that much? if it does how do you feel about it? a question particulary aimed at FAs is have you ever felt used in that way?


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## Jane (Feb 8, 2008)

Webmaster said:


> A former business partner of mine was married to a mid-size woman whom he adored. She chose to have WLS, then left him after she lost 70 pounds or so, on the grounds that she could now do much better than him.



Better Man Lyrics
Artist(Band)earl Jam Review The Song (2) Print the Lyrics

Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over...
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
Can't find a better man (2x)
Ohh...

Talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know...
She tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
She lies and says she still loves him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
Can't find a better man (2x)
Yeah...

She loved him, yeah...she don't want to leave this way
She needs him, yeah...that's why she'll be back again
Can't find a better man (3x)
Can't find a better...man...
Ohh...ohh...
Uh huh... (5x)
Ohh...


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## Sugar (Feb 8, 2008)

Jane said:


> Better Man Lyrics
> Artist(Band)earl Jam Review The Song (2) Print the Lyrics
> 
> Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
> ...



I always thought this song was about domestic abuse. I have no idea why I thought that, maybe the dreams in red? At anyrate, nice lyrics and fitting for the topic!!


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## goofy girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I just wanna know what the required age is for dating a fat girl? I might have broken rules and dated younger than I was allowed.


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## Sugar (Feb 8, 2008)

goofy girl said:


> I just wanna know what the required age is for dating a fat girl? I might have broken rules and dated younger than I was allowed.



Wokka Wokka Wokka


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## RedVelvet (Feb 8, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Hmm, I don't think so. I'm far too meticulous and slow moving. If anyone wanted to use me they'd get really sick of having to wait around. I guess that is how I assure myself of not being put in that position. It's sort of dorky of me. haha




Well that completely fucks up my nefarious plan, sweetheart.

damn.


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## RedVelvet (Feb 8, 2008)

Webmaster said:


> A former business partner of mine was married to a mid-size woman whom he adored. She chose to have WLS, then left him after she lost 70 pounds or so, on the grounds that she could now do much better than him.



Wow...thats...grim.


I have always dated mostly men who would consider themselves...hm...appreciaters of larger curves, shall we say , rather than labeling themselves FAs or really being involved with the moment...but its that very independent thinking that was part of what made them terrific......I have to a one found them far superior to the average man, given that they can...oh..think for themselves.....and many terrific FAs as well.

I mean....we are talking..QUALITY, "catch"-type men.

Hmm.....wonder how she fared. Given her....personality...I cant imagine..well.


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## LalaCity (Feb 8, 2008)

Danyull said:


> She never described herself as a BBW, but she was big. Found out her friend and I were dating, she got jellouse and ended up coming to a party late, when I was drunk. Next day I found myself in the same bed as her and a text on my phone from the girl I was dating saying that we're finished.
> 
> Guess that's a case? For you to judge.



So you're saying that she took advantage of you when you were drunk and had no idea what you were doing in order to break up your new relationship...sounds like revenge, nothing to do with being a BBW, really...


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## Tina (Feb 8, 2008)

Webmaster said:


> A former business partner of mine was married to a mid-size woman whom he adored. She chose to have WLS, then left him after she lost 70 pounds or so, on the grounds that she could now do much better than him.


I dated a guy like that for a few months when I was 19. His wife had lost weight and left him. It was still a little fresh, I guess. Back then, I never realized there were guys who specifically liked fat women, and certainly had never heard the terms "BBW" or "FA." There are some women (and men, too, of course), fat and thin, who will just take what they can get until something better comes along. Sad.


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## bmann0413 (Feb 8, 2008)

Can't say I was known as a FA at the time, but I have been used like that before. It was in 11th grade. There was this really cute girl (yes, overweight) I had liked. She told me she liked me too. But soon after we've established that (like a month), she goes and dates this other guy who in my opinion wasn't all that good-looking (of course, there is no one better-looking than I, lol)... And I was so close to getting my first kiss and my first date, too!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 8, 2008)

I like to think that I haven't "used" anyone that I have ever dated. :blink: Women can actually do that? What in hell is wrong with me? :doh:


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## Dravenhawk (Feb 8, 2008)

My marrige to my ex wife is a textbook example of what the OP is asking here. On our first date I made it clear in no uncertian terms I adored her curvacious size telling her I perfered big women. We got married she got bigger. One may think this was a case of happily ever after? I was making good money back then and there was not much to worry about financially either. She wanted to quit her job and get her bachelors degree in english so I paid for her school and provided enough for her not to have to worry about working. Her sister needed a car so I bought her a 1998 Ford Navigator for $40,000 and I bought her a new Crown Victoria which she wrecked on the third day she had it. I advised her to wait until the insurance cleared. She didn't want to drive the old one as I had advised her and on her way to school she went end over end off a steep embankment totaling a $40,000 car. She later told me she had fallen asleap behind the wheel while stuck in traffic. Turned out she was having late midnight rendezvous with a boyfriend from EQ which caused her "loss of sleep". The truth didn't find me until some time later in early 2007. I told her to drive the old car for now. A year later it finally gave up the ghost so I bought her another car which was $50,000 some odd dollars she couldn't have the average options package she had to have the deluxe. I didn't mind getting it for her though I adored her in every way a man can love a woman.
I was cleaning and unpacking today and ran accross a birthday card she had given me in 2006 she wrote this in the back 

I love you my dear. Thanks for sticking around another year. oooxxxooo Your wifey-poo hunney bunches me =)

At the time I got the gard I didn't think anything of the "thanks for stincking around for another year" part. I thought it was all in the cute things wives say to thier husbands deal. Denial -- it is not just a river that runs through Egypt. In the summer of 2005 I had inadvertantly stumbled accross a letter from a guy named "Bryan". The stamp was missing so the date on the letter could not be accuratly determined. When I asked her about it she said it was keepsake from a friend she had known a long time ago before we met. Although she had claimed to have had the last contact with him prior to 1988 there was an inference to emails. If I am remembering my tech history correctly email hadn't been invented until after the early 1990's. 

I didn't want to believe the truth even though it was staring me down on that hot july afternoon. I continued to discover small bits and pieces of infidelity but refused the truth and took what she said when questioned about these things at face value. 

I have a rare sleep disorder where if I dont take the pills I will be wide awake for days on end. One night I ran out of pills It was on a weekend and couldn't get the perscription filled. It was late summer in 2005 she had thought I had gone to sleep and had even went into the bedroom to check to see if I was indeed asleep. I faked the rythmatic heavy breathing of sleep and felt her kiss me on the cheek. She closed the bedroom door and I could hear her talking on the phone. At first I thought she was talking to Jennifer her friend who lives nearby. There were things being said that one would not associate with two girl friends talking about. I am sure Jennifer does not have a nine inch peinus that is circumsised. If she does I think ol' Larry is going to be in for quite the rude awakening. As I continued to listen to the tawdry conversation I began to surmise what was actually going on here. The next morning I asked her who she was talking to the night before she said it was Jennifer. I studied the look on her face when I told her that she had woke me up with the loud talking and laughter. There was that guilty conviction of worry that had etched its self accross her face. I really didn't want to have to deal with the feeling of being used. But there it was in big bold letters. She had played me for a chump. 

I was going to surprise her with a house on our anniversary in 2006. I had stashed away well over $250,000.00 (She had no idea I had that kind of money tucked away) I cashed everything out went fishin and let the rest dwindle away over time. I started to dig and I found a long parrade of boyfriends going all the way back to 2001. I had an even clearer picture of what was going on and still I did not want to admit it was over a long Long LONG time ago and I was being used. Although there was several thousand dollars left in the main account by the time she graduated from college in June of 2006 she was supposed to start looking for work. She had lots of excuses but very few results. After all how could she focus on job hunting when she was staying up night after night until 3 or 4 in the morning carrying on like a tramp over the phone and here I thought those $500.00 phone bills were from her talking to her "girl friend" in Texas. After the money in the main account had been exhausted in May of 2007 we moved out of the old house and we moved in with friends in a nearby city. I was almost completly broke. In September of 2007 I had closed out the "emergency mutual fund" It was official I was pennyless and it was time to pop the question "Do you want a divorce?" There was no way she was going to get half and no way I was going to pay alimony / spousal support to a no good filthy lieing tramp such as her.

In closing of this tale of woe I have to say that the ladies are not innocent doves whom are preyed upon by devilish guys with evil intentions. 

Dravenhawk


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## Dravenhawk (Feb 8, 2008)

Whew!! thats a load off my heart.


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## Just_Jen (Feb 9, 2008)

aww dravenhawk, that sounds so shitty, sorry you had to go through that! *hugs!* 



Personally im only 21 and i think that i do use men, but like others have said, dont we all? (as in general population!)

I like having a man around because they make me feel better about myself and im more likely to stay depressed if im alone. BUT it doesnt necessarily mean i'll get with any man just for that purpose and i never stay in a relationship which i dont think is equal in emotions. 

Theres also the fact that im not particularly looking for 'the one' but if i think that my relationship isn't going positively in that direction of any kind, i prefer to move on and not waste my time on relationships that aren't positive. which means that i do tend to chop and change with men..i know it sounds bad but i dont do it in a mean way and all the guys that ive split with are still my friends and agree it wasnt right anyway..

:bow:


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## furious styles (Feb 9, 2008)

wow dravenhawk, quite the read. that's shitty too, i've seen it happen to my very own re-married father. his second wife (after my mother) pulled the same horrible act, almost exactly. sorry you had to go through that. it hits on a larger scale, far beyond anything to do with fa/bbw; that's just a case of general human maliciousness.


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## missy_blue_eyez (Feb 9, 2008)

Well.........Im quite new to this whole BBW/FA world. I didnt even know that there were people out there whom had a particular preference for large girls until last year. I have recently had my first experience with an FA whom I have to say totally used me! He reads this board to so I hope he see's it cause Im still REALLY angry about his attitude! 

He told me that he didnt want people to know about me, so he was ashamed to be seen with me. That hurt, really hurt, made me feel hideous. So yeh, so far my experience with FA's hasnt been good.

On the flipside of the coin, I cant say I have ever used an FA because there has only been one so far, but I must admit I do love the attention I get. It makes me feel better about myself, so in a sense I suppose I could say that Ive used them for that alone? 

For future though, I will be much more wary in the future, once bitten twice shy as they say! 

P.S if you do read this, by all means....defend yourself! lol! 

(sorry guys *blush*)


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## flip.the.nuts (Feb 9, 2008)

missy_blue_eyez said:


> He told me that he didnt want people to know about me, so he was ashamed to be seen with me. That hurt, really hurt, made me feel hideous. So yeh, so far my experience with FA's hasnt been good.
> (sorry guys *blush*)



What a twat! I was thinking of doing the "no-one can know about you" thing back when I was 14, I wouldn't be as insecure and insensitive any later than that. How old is he? What the hell is his problem?


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## GordoNegro (Feb 9, 2008)

I do have to say that in some cases the signs for being used can be seen when not blinded by dreams, lustful visions etc.
I remember having dates where some just were happy to be out on a date as opposed to being happy being with me specifically.
Thankfully over time, knowing the difference between spoiling and being taken advantage of.
Just sorry to read about a couple of events that occuured in this thread though.


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## Jane (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> Whew!! thats a load off my heart.



I guess I'm mystified by all the references to money. No doubt your ex was some piece of work. However, is that how you measure the betrayal? Wasn't it your heart and soul that were betrayed, not your bank account?

I guess money is just money to me.


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## Allie Cat (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> Whew!! thats a load off my heart.



And there we have one of the main reasons I'm probably not going to get married. The court system in this country (that being, for me, the US... I don't know where you are) is heavily biased toward women in matters of children, money, et cetera. I've heard countless horror stories of women cheating on their husbands, then divorcing them and taking everything they have or ever will have and living in luxury while the poor guy struggles not to end up homeless.

Another reason for me not to get married is my trust issues, did you notice?


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## Jane (Feb 9, 2008)

Divals said:


> And there we have one of the main reasons I'm probably not going to get married. The court system in this country (that being, for me, the US... I don't know where you are) is heavily biased toward women in matters of children, money, et cetera. I've heard countless horror stories of women cheating on their husbands, then divorcing them and taking everything they have or ever will have and living in luxury while the poor guy struggles not to end up homeless.
> 
> Another reason for me not to get married is my trust issues, did you notice?




HUH!!! And I know women struggling to raise their kids with an ex who doesn't pay child support.

Be careful who you marry.


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## Allie Cat (Feb 9, 2008)

Jane said:


> HUH!!! And I know women struggling to raise their kids with an ex who doesn't pay child support.
> 
> Be careful who you marry.



You got a point there. I guess there's horrid people on both sides of the spectrum.

Part of what makes me nervous is, my parents loved each other when they married... they loved each other for a long time, until my mom cheated on my dad and broke up with him.


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## Jane (Feb 9, 2008)

Divals said:


> You got a point there. I guess there's horrid people on both sides of the spectrum.
> 
> Part of what makes me nervous is, my parents loved each other when they married... they loved each other for a long time, until my mom cheated on my dad and broke up with him.



My parents were married for 36 years, and my father died. My mother considered it the ultimate betrayal (this was before people talked about the stages of grief, and she was stuck in the anger one). I don't think she ever really forgave him for dying.

However, if you are unwilling to take a chance, you will never have anything. It could end up horrible. It could end up great. But if you don't take a chance nothing ever starts so there is no way for it to end.


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## Smushygirl (Feb 9, 2008)

Jane said:


> However, if you are unwilling to take a chance, you will never have anything. It could end up horrible. It could end up great. But if you don't take a chance nothing ever starts so there is no way for it to end.



Since they won't let me rep you, I must bow before you, oh wise one! :bow:


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## Dravenhawk (Feb 9, 2008)

GordoNegro said:


> I do have to say that in some cases the signs for being used can be seen when not blinded by dreams, lustful visions etc.
> I remember having dates where some just were happy to be out on a date as opposed to being happy being with me specifically.
> Thankfully over time, knowing the difference between spoiling and being taken advantage of.
> Just sorry to read about a couple of events that occuured in this thread though.



Like you said above, dreams, lustful visions, and not to mention lonliness can cloud perspective. Often times we have an ideal view of what we want the other person to be. We think that the other person can change to fit in with that ideal view I can tell you now thats crazy thinking, you cannot change a person to fit that kind of view. In my Zoints profile I say I have been to the school of hard knocks. My advice to the younger set, get to know the person as a friend first and see how you gel together. Make sure you take some quiet time away from the buzz of life to meditate on how you really feel. Listen to your intuition and pay attention to the warning signals. Take a good amount of time to evaluate wether or not you gel well and see if there is enough common ground you both share to make a comittment and bring the relationship to the next level. AVOID PHYSICAL CONTACT in the friendship stage while you are evaluating if there is enough good solid common ground to stand on as a united couple. Relationships take an investment of our two most precious resources Time and money. Jumping into the sack or even making out on the first several encounters ALWAYS and I do mean ALWAYS ends in disaster. Not only is it alot harder to unwind a relationship when physical contact is prematuraly initated, it WILL take a considerable larger amount of time and money to opt out. By avoiding physical contact in the beginning stages you can save yourself and your partner alot of grief and misery as physical contact is considered in most cultures as a sign of comittment even if no verbal agreement has been considered. For the FA's who find shame with thier big beauties you may want to stick to skinnier chicks or change your friends and quit wrecking it for us real FA's.

Dravenhawk


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## flip.the.nuts (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> For the FA's who find shame with thier big beauties you may want to stick to skinnier chicks or change your friends and quit wrecking it for us real FA's.
> 
> Dravenhawk



Damn right. I felt a lot of shame at 16, in a relationship with one. When I was 18, there was this twat on the bus that kept hurling abuse on calling my girlfriend at the time (different one to when I was 16) fat.

I prettymuch grabbed him one time as he went past me on the bus and strangled him a lot, which put him off quite a bit, but there was still some shit afterwards.


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## missy_blue_eyez (Feb 9, 2008)

missy_blue_eyez said:


> Well.........Im quite new to this whole BBW/FA world. I didnt even know that there were people out there whom had a particular preference for large girls until last year. I have recently had my first experience with an FA whom I have to say totally used me! He reads this board to so I hope he see's it cause Im still REALLY angry about his attitude!
> 
> He told me that he didnt want people to know about me, so he was ashamed to be seen with me. That hurt, really hurt, made me feel hideous. So yeh, so far my experience with FA's hasnt been good.
> 
> ...


He is 20 and is more interested with keeping up appearances amongst his peers! So whats a girl to do! I was just his guilty pleasure that no one should ever know about!


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## Sugar (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> My marrige to my ex wife is a textbook example of what the OP is asking here. On our first date I made it clear in no uncertian terms I adored her curvacious size telling her I perfered big women. We got married she got bigger. One may think this was a case of happily ever after? I was making good money back then and there was not much to worry about financially either. She wanted to quit her job and get her bachelors degree in english so I paid for her school and provided enough for her not to have to worry about working. Her sister needed a car so I bought her a 1998 Ford Navigator for $40,000 and I bought her a new Crown Victoria which she wrecked on the third day she had it. I advised her to wait until the insurance cleared. She didn't want to drive the old one as I had advised her and on her way to school she went end over end off a steep embankment totaling a $40,000 car. She later told me she had fallen asleap behind the wheel while stuck in traffic. Turned out she was having late midnight rendezvous with a boyfriend from EQ which caused her "loss of sleep". The truth didn't find me until some time later in early 2007. I told her to drive the old car for now. A year later it finally gave up the ghost so I bought her another car which was $50,000 some odd dollars she couldn't have the average options package she had to have the deluxe. I didn't mind getting it for her though I adored her in every way a man can love a woman.
> I was cleaning and unpacking today and ran accross a birthday card she had given me in 2006 she wrote this in the back
> 
> I love you my dear. Thanks for sticking around another year. oooxxxooo Your wifey-poo hunney bunches me =)
> ...



While I'd never condone her actions, they are down right terrible. 

I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for this but...

First time shame on her second time shame on you. I'm not a fan of cut and run, but we all have to take responsibility for our actions. You didn't HAVE to spend all that money. Turning off the phone while it may cause a fight will save you money. You didn't HAVE to spend 250k in a year. You didn't HAVE to buy 50k cars. Even if she pitched a fit...so what? The end result would have been the same.

I'm a firm believer that people will treat us how we let them. You were used and then you let her use you. 

It seems thankfully you learned from that experience.


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## Jane (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> Like you said above, dreams, lustful visions, and not to mention lonliness can cloud perspective. Often times we have an ideal view of what we want the other person to be. We think that the other person can change to fit in with that ideal view I can tell you now thats crazy thinking, you cannot change a person to fit that kind of view. In my Zoints profile I say I have been to the school of hard knocks. My advice to the younger set, get to know the person as a friend first and see how you gel together. Make sure you take some quiet time away from the buzz of life to meditate on how you really feel. Listen to your intuition and pay attention to the warning signals. Take a good amount of time to evaluate wether or not you gel well and see if there is enough common ground you both share to make a comittment and bring the relationship to the next level. AVOID PHYSICAL CONTACT in the friendship stage while you are evaluating if there is enough good solid common ground to stand on as a united couple. Relationships take an investment of our two most precious resources Time and money. Jumping into the sack or even making out on the first several encounters ALWAYS and I do mean ALWAYS ends in disaster. Not only is it alot harder to unwind a relationship when physical contact is prematuraly initated, it WILL take a considerable larger amount of time and money to opt out. By avoiding physical contact in the beginning stages you can save yourself and your partner alot of grief and misery as physical contact is considered in most cultures as a sign of comittment even if no verbal agreement has been considered. For the FA's who find shame with thier big beauties you may want to stick to skinnier chicks or change your friends and quit wrecking it for us real FA's.
> 
> Dravenhawk



I'm serious, you seem REALLY hung up on this money thing.


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## lovessbbw (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk, can I interest you in some cheese with that w(h)ine? It's a shame when someone gets used. In your case it seems that you continued even when you saw the writing on the wall. So like some one else stated here earlier then shame on you. You either get over it or you do not.


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## Laina (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> Jumping into the sack or even making out on the first several encounters ALWAYS and I do mean ALWAYS ends in disaster.



I'll have to pass this on to all of the happily married couples I know.

Of course, if they kissed on the first date, they're probably already in over their heads...some of them, like my parents, are in twenty five years over their heads! What a mess. :doh:


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## love dubh (Feb 9, 2008)

Jane said:


> I'm serious, you seem REALLY hung up on this money thing.



When a guy spends thousands of dollars on a woman, you're damn right that bitch better be grateful, respectful, and loving! After all, money's all that matters to a femme, right? Give us financial security and we'll pile on the platitudes and satisfying sex 'til the cows come home.


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## lovessbbw (Feb 9, 2008)

lovessbbw said:


> Dravenhawk, can I interest you in some cheese with that w(h)ine? It's a shame when someone gets used. In your case it seems that you continued even when you saw the writing on the wall. So like some one else stated here earlier then shame on you. You either get over it or you do not.



One more thing, wear the "don't date me" hat with pride!


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## bigsexy920 (Feb 9, 2008)

OK here is my thing about being used - FA or anyone - NO one can USE you unless you allow them too. 

People may allow themselves to be used because in some way they are also getting something out of it what ever that may be.


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## Laina (Feb 9, 2008)

love dubh said:


> When a guy spends thousands of dollars on a woman, you're damn right that bitch better be grateful, respectful, and loving! After all, money's all that matters to a femme, right? Give us financial security and we'll pile on the platitudes and satisfying sex 'til the cows come home.



Nothing says "I love you" quite like the implication that you're worth less than the ring on your finger...after all, that, at least, can be resold.


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## Dravenhawk (Feb 9, 2008)

lovessbbw said:


> Dravenhawk, can I interest you in some cheese with that w(h)ine? It's a shame when someone gets used. In your case it seems that you continued even when you saw the writing on the wall. So like some one else stated here earlier then shame on you. You either get over it or you do not.



Having gotten over my ex wife I perfer to celebrate every day with a nice aged brie on a plain English water cracker with my Chateau Rothchilds cabernet 2000 vintage of course. Oh one more thing I perfer to wear my "shut up and fish" hat.

Dravenhawk


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## Dravenhawk (Feb 9, 2008)

Jane said:


> I guess I'm mystified by all the references to money. No doubt your ex was some piece of work. However, is that how you measure the betrayal? Wasn't it your heart and soul that were betrayed, not your bank account?
> 
> I guess money is just money to me.




Its not the money -- Its the betrayal. Some people just don't get it.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 9, 2008)

Jane said:


> *However, if you are unwilling to take a chance, you will never have anything.* It could end up horrible. It could end up great. But if you don't take a chance nothing ever starts so there is no way for it to end.



Ain't that the truth? Amen :bow:


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## mossystate (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk, I have to agree with the whole hung up on money..thing. I know that when we are pissed off we grab onto what seems to be the largest, red flashing light, so we can try to make sense of a bad situation...but...yeah...what a few others have said..you wanted to throw money around, thinking it would not only get you brownie points, but to also have something to hold against a person. I saw where you said you had socked away $250,000 and that your wife did not know about it. I would hope none of that was while you were married to this woman, as that could be viewed as being pretty deceptive. And before anybody says , " Yeah, but look at what she did to him ", I would remind them that Dravenhawk wants our sympathy.

If a person thinks that they are a saint because they throw money around...or because they throw compliments around ( I see that a lot )...well, ' you ' are setting yourself up, again and again, for huge disappointments. 

About two years ago, one of my brothers got a divorce. They had been married for 30 years, give or take ( got married young..21ish ). My sister in law was, for the most part, a stay at home mom. She had, for a number of the final years, been going to school to become a nurse, which she is now enjoying. They had to move quite a bit, because my brother is in the newspaper business. He now owns, along with two partners, a number of small newspapers in California and a few other doodads. Now, the reason I mention this is because, I heard a couple of my other brothers talking about how horrible it was that Steve was going to have to give up so much...ummmmm...my sister in law was right there with him all those years...three kids..etc. Now, Steve knew that what was going to happen was not only the law, but, the correct thing to have happen. Yes, he is going to have to move out of his very expensive house, and he has had to make huge financial adjustments. I just wanted to mention this lil story, because, like those couple of other brothers, so many people only see the ' stuff and the money '...and forget the laws, for a moment...they do not see the human beings involved in relationships. So many latch onto lifes embellishments, I believe, so they can have someone to blame for their own shortcomings.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 9, 2008)

love dubh said:


> When a guy spends thousands of dollars on a woman, you're damn right that bitch better be grateful, respectful, and loving! After all, money's all that matters to a femme, right? Give us financial security and *we'll pile on the platitudes and satisfying sex 'til the cows come home*.





You.... mean.....I could get MONEY for doing that? Holy Cow....:doh:


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## Ernest Nagel (Feb 9, 2008)

"The Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution officially abolished and continues to prohibit slavery, and with limited exceptions, such as those convicted of a crime, prohibits involuntary servitude."

So since around 1865 nobody in this country has _legally_ been able to make anyone do anything against their will. I have volunteered or stood by for a fair amount of use and abuse in my time, from BBW and others. Nothing really alters the fact that I chose to accept whatever treatment I did for as long as I did. Accepting accountability for my behavior doesn't make me happier but it does make me less likely to repeat it.

Haven't read this whole thread but skimming it reminded me of something my grandpa would say from time to time "Open a window, it's getting a little whiny in here."


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## RedVelvet (Feb 9, 2008)

I have zero desire to take something away from someone should I divorce them....I am more than happy to sign a pre-nup, etc...just as long as I am not completely and utterly screwed. I am not the type to want to split everything, especially if I didnt pay for it...but thats just me.

So ....having said that. Dravenhawk...my god! You *both* were about as deceptive and manipulative as can possibly be. Her behavior was awful....true.

Yours....wow....childish.

The "spend yourself broke and then move in with friends" part seems particularly stupid and childish.....

Resentment is punishing _yourself_ for something someone _else_ did....and boy did you do it in spades.

I'm not sure why you bought your wife's friend a car ...I mean...this seems to be something you have chosen to do so that you could hold it up later?

Aren't gifts something that should be given without strings? My goodness.....if you know you could come to resent having bought that....well..um...don't buy that!

Of course...if I were her friend I would never accept the gift of a car from my friends....husband. Thats just too weird for me.

Man..there is just a whole lot of childish weird in the entire situation.


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## Jane (Feb 9, 2008)

RedVelvet said:


> I have zero desire to take something away from someone should I divorce them....I am more than happy to sign a pre-nup, etc...just as long as I am not completely and utterly screwed. I am not the type to want to split everything, especially if I didnt pay for it...but thats just me.
> 
> So ....having said that. Dravenhawk...my god! You *both* were about as deceptive and manipulative as can possibly be. Her behavior was awful....true.
> 
> ...



You're wonderful. And I'm out of rep for you.


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## Jane (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> Its not the money -- Its the betrayal. Some people just don't get it.



I don't think you get it.

All you talked about was the money. The fact you felt you had been used and abused was about betrayal, not of the money, but betrayal of your trust. It's a heartwrenching situation, but you chose to focus on the financial aspects.

Fuck that. You got hurt.


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Feb 9, 2008)

missy_blue_eyez said:


> He is 20 and is more interested with keeping up appearances amongst his peers! So whats a girl to do! I was just his guilty pleasure that no one should ever know about!



Eat him. >.<


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 9, 2008)

^^^ He doesn't deserve that good treatment


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Feb 9, 2008)

love dubh said:


> When a guy spends thousands of dollars on a woman, you're damn right that bitch better be grateful, respectful, and loving! After all, money's all that matters to a femme, right? Give us financial security and we'll pile on the platitudes and satisfying sex 'til the cows come home.




What is this "satisfying sex" you speak of?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Feb 9, 2008)

Fuzzy Necromancer said:


> What is this "satisfying sex" you speak of?



If you have to ask, you can't afford it


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## mossystate (Feb 9, 2008)

nSome people throw money around and are sad when they find it does not buy friendship, love..devotion. Some people throw money around and feel nothing but white hot anger, when the participants in the plan..and it is a plan..do not fall into step. 

It's like when, for example, I see some men say things like " why the hell doesn't she just believe me when I say, over and over, that I love how she looks. Doesn't she see the gift I am giving her?..damn! ". That man is much different than the man who feels a bit of sadness over the fact that another person cannot get to the place where she sees what he does.

The former type is pretty much an egomaniac.


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## Dravenhawk (Feb 9, 2008)

RedVelvet said:


> I have zero desire to take something away from someone should I divorce them....I am more than happy to sign a pre-nup, etc...just as long as I am not completely and utterly screwed. I am not the type to want to split everything, especially if I didnt pay for it...but thats just me.
> 
> So ....having said that. Dravenhawk...my god! You *both* were about as deceptive and manipulative as can possibly be. Her behavior was awful....true.
> 
> ...



You might want to get your facts straight Red Velvet before hurling judgements. First off I bought her sister not her friend the Navigator. Family is supposed to help one another.

Second It was not about the price of the car it was about my ex-wife being too thick headed to listen to me and not drive the new car until it was insured. It was wrecked because she stayed up late at night chatting with a boyfriend.

Third I dont resent buying her the gifts. I DO resent her infidelity. Up until I had good proof I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. I do resent her lying, and cheating and the infidelity that went on for more than 6 years.

Fourth Should I have rewarded her infidelity with half of the family savings of which the entirity came from my labors? I would rather temporarily "spent myself broke" than given her half. I can always make the money back no big deal.

Fifth I can't see how I am "punishing myself in sapdes" I dont have to write her an alimony check nor did I have to give her half. 

Sixth When we moved in with friends, They had lost thier mother to breast cancer and were about to lose thier home to the bankers. Taking the remainder of what was left I helped pay the house loan to get them on thier feet enough to sell the house instead of it being reposessed by the bank. I would "spend myself broke" all over again to help out my friends.

One more thing. My ex-wife still talk and conduct ourselves like mature adults. Even though she hurt me bad I know and accept my part in it. Our relationship did not have enough common ground to stand. We were not good for each other simple as that.


Alot of you gals have dollar signs dancing in your eyes and lose focus on the genuine issue being discussed here I regret mentioning the prices of things. You cannot really put a price on love can you?

Dravenhawk


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## mossystate (Feb 9, 2008)

RedVelvet said:


> I have zero desire to take something away from someone should I divorce them....I am more than happy to sign a pre-nup, etc...just as long as I am not completely and utterly screwed. I am not the type to want to split everything, especially if I didnt pay for it...but thats just me.




I guess that is for each person to decide ...yeah....in the situation between my brother and his now ex, she did pay for all of it...too...with her own contribution...30 years... caring for 3 kids...having to go from nursing school to nursing school...making a home...................now, if I were married to a man for 4 years and most of what he had was in place long before I got there?...yeah....big difference.....


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## Jane (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> Alot of you gals have dollar signs dancing in your eyes ...
> Dravenhawk




See that's all you had to say. Now we know exactly who you are.


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## mossystate (Feb 9, 2008)

First of all...DRAVE.....get your names straight...thanky.

You are making this about money...you go on and on about ...the money.....your line about gals with dollar signs...you just tipped your hand for all but the dumbest to see.......thanky....again....


*eta....Jane beat me to it...but...by golly...not a bad thing to repeat


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## Gspoon (Feb 9, 2008)

I am still with my 1st BBW! So, I haven't been used by any BBWs thankfully, and I haven't used her.

But, I did date some thinner girls, and they used me as status symbol "Hey, I have a boyfriend, I am a somebody" Followed by being dumped after like.... 2 weeks to a month


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## Ruby Ripples (Feb 9, 2008)

I think the fact you weirdly BOAST about your divorce not costing you one cent at the very beginning of your Myspace says exactly who is fixated on money. 

Say no moah


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## Dravenhawk (Feb 9, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> I think the fact you weirdly BOAST about your divorce not costing you one cent at the very beginning of your Myspace says exactly who is fixated on money.
> 
> Say no moah



I did boast about my divorce not costing a cent on my myspace page. I have come to know alot of men and women who have described to me astronomical divorce costs involving laweres, court fees and the like. The law is unfairly biased toward the women here in the states with the guys getting the shaft. You don't get divorced here without taking a hit especially if there is animosity between the two parties getting the divorce. In other words the more the resentment held between the two parties the bigger the bill is going to be. In the end my ex wife was sorry about the boyfriends and having used me the way she did. Forgiveness played a huge part here in negotiating out the details. 

Again the point is completely missed here. It is not the money it is the fact that we came to terms and realized that our relationship just did not work. The last of the money went to helping our mutual friends bereaved children from losing thier inheiritance. This too was something my ex-wife and I agreed upon to do with the remaining assets. It was better to set aside our differences and use the money to help out two young souls whom had lost thier mother to breast cancer save thier house from the bankers that were about to foreclose on thier home than to fatten the bank accounts of sleezy divorce lawers.

The reason the divorce didn't cost a cent was mainly due to the fact my ex-wife and I worked it out like mature adults after all had been said and done. The only way it could have happened that way is by setting aside resentments and focusing on what is really important. I am still hurt over being used and getting over it.

Below is the myspace blog you make reference to Ruby. Sad like the others above you focused only on the dollar signs not on what was being done.

About me:
In my mid-40s, recently divorced, I build and test digital incremental encoders...used in everything from robotics to cranes and elevators. I am a survivor not the kind on the TV series. It seems like I have the resiliancy to bounce back no matter what. Over this last two years I have lost my two best friends to cancer, my house, my marriage has come unhinged and I am now single. There are small blessings amidst the rubble of a broken life. I have lost weight. My divorce did not cost me a single penny, no, not a cent. I don't know how many guys out there can top that. I figured I would try this my-space thing out and see what happens. You never know. I will be moving soon my roomates sold thier house so we all gotta split. I know nature abhors a vacuum although I feel it in my gut like the very change itself is creating a vacuum within me. I find this all facinating as I watch those icons with wich I forged my identity from simply vanish like the outgoing tide. I take a philosophical view on life. Life is bargining with the fates and sometimes survival itself what you will keep and what you have to give up in order to progress. Life is a series of trades we are constantly sitting at the table trying to get the best deals. Sometimes you have to make the hard choices in life. Sometimes you get those lessons in life where if you didn't get it the first time around you are going to keep repeating the lesson over and over till you get it. The one thing in life I truely do get is that all things of man are temporary. Nothing lasts forever except the Earth and Sky acording to that singer (can't remember the band), I read in the Bible that even the heavens and earth are temporary as well. I guess I got to ask then why do people invest so much energy in things that are so tempory? I guess where it is at is the acts of kindness people do for one another that count. Things like this where you put your own selfish interests on even sacrifice them to help or benefit your fellow man. I gotta tell ya the world really sucks simply to human nature. Making the world a better place for others wether by helping someone out in need, offering a kind courtesy, or discouraging gossip when someone has dirt to share. 



nuff said

Dravenhawk


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## Laina (Feb 9, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> If you have to ask, you can't afford it



(But on the off chance that you CAN afford it, make sure everyone knows what you paid for it!)


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## fatgirlflyin (Feb 9, 2008)

Jane said:


> HUH!!! And I know women struggling to raise their kids with an ex who doesn't pay child support.
> 
> Be careful who you marry.




That'd be me, I'm owed $15000 in child support. I've not seen a penny since the day I left.


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## Laina (Feb 9, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> That'd be me, I'm owed $15000 in child support. I've not seen a penny since the day I left.



Ye gods...is he working? I was under the impression that the courts could take child support directly out of his paychecks. (I know they can and frequently do here in MA, anyway.)


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## Ruby Ripples (Feb 9, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> I did boast about my divorce not costing a cent on my myspace page. I have come to know alot of men and women who have described to me astronomical divorce costs involving laweres, court fees and the like. The law is unfairly biased toward the women here in the states with the guys getting the shaft. You don't get divorced here without taking a hit especially if there is animosity between the two parties getting the divorce. In other words the more the resentment held between the two parties the bigger the bill is going to be. In the end my ex wife was sorry about the boyfriends and having used me the way she did. Forgiveness played a huge part here in negotiating out the details.
> 
> Again the point is completely missed here. It is not the money it is the fact that we came to terms and realized that our relationship just did not work. The last of the money went to helping our mutual friends bereaved children from losing thier inheiritance. This too was something my ex-wife and I agreed upon to do with the remaining assets. It was better to set aside our differences and use the money to help out two young souls whom had lost thier mother to breast cancer save thier house from the bankers that were about to foreclose on thier home than to fatten the bank accounts of sleezy divorce lawers.
> 
> ...



YOU focused on it... at the beginning of your Myspace. That in itself isnt normal. Whatever you say, it IS weird to be so focused on your money, and you are. We cant all be wrong and you right. And Draven lets not get things twisted here... I bet my life on the fact that there are a HELL of a lot more women sat like Ella Bella having not received one penny from their ex spouse, than there are women who got their fair share from a divorce, never mind more than they should have, like you seem convinced of. 

And ... if you and your ex wife are on civil terms now... why have you so bitterly spread all the dirt about her on these public forums... again Id lay bets that she wouldn't be nearly so civil if she saw this thread.


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## fatgirlflyin (Feb 9, 2008)

Laina said:


> Ye gods...is he working? I was under the impression that the courts could take child support directly out of his paychecks. (I know they can and frequently do here in MA, anyway.)



He's in a different state, and moves every time I find him. The person working my case says he shows no income under his ssn# so he's either using a fake one or is collecting money under the table. Sucks but unless I can afford a PI I'm just stuck. So lots of stuff my kids can't do because I just can't afford it. Its ok though, not getting everything you want when you're a kid builds character right?


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## Laina (Feb 9, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> He's in a different state, and moves every time I find him. The person working my case says he shows no income under his ssn# so he's either using a fake one or is collecting money under the table. Sucks but unless I can afford a PI I'm just stuck. So lots of stuff my kids can't do because I just can't afford it. Its ok though, not getting everything you want when you're a kid builds character right?



If nothing else, your kids clearly have a great mom. =) It's got to be hard to stay so upbeat about his behavior.

I'm sorry he's pulling this nonsense--I've seen it happen to way too many people.


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## Allie Cat (Feb 9, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> He's in a different state, and moves every time I find him. The person working my case says he shows no income under his ssn# so he's either using a fake one or is collecting money under the table. Sucks but unless I can afford a PI I'm just stuck. So lots of stuff my kids can't do because I just can't afford it. Its ok though, not getting everything you want when you're a kid builds character right?



I think someone should set the deadbeat on fire.  I have no sympathy for deadbeats shirking their responsibilities.


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## bigsexy920 (Feb 9, 2008)

Sorry - Off subject - BUT how the hell is living like that - going from job to job- place to place -having no life basically and all to keep from giving a few buck to his child - Fucking sick - honestly. I'm sorry your child has to deal with that - 



Ella Bella said:


> He's in a different state, and moves every time I find him. The person working my case says he shows no income under his ssn# so he's either using a fake one or is collecting money under the table. Sucks but unless I can afford a PI I'm just stuck. So lots of stuff my kids can't do because I just can't afford it. Its ok though, not getting everything you want when you're a kid builds character right?


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## Jane (Feb 10, 2008)

bigsexy920 said:


> Sorry - Off subject - BUT how the hell is living like that - going from job to job- place to place -having no life basically and all to keep from giving a few buck to his child - Fucking sick - honestly. I'm sorry your child has to deal with that -



But since you've filed...even after the kids are grown they can go after him and make him pay ALL the child support he owes you. When he's tired of running and hiding, they will get him.


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## RedVelvet (Feb 10, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> You might want to get your facts straight Red Velvet before hurling judgements. First off I bought her sister not her friend the Navigator. Family is supposed to help one another.
> 
> Second It was not about the price of the car it was about my ex-wife being too thick headed to listen to me and not drive the new car until it was insured. It was wrecked because she stayed up late at night chatting with a boyfriend.
> 
> ...




HA!!!..Oh...ok...got it wrong..it was for the _sister_...and the resentment you felt I just imagined..

AHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAAH....you got me! whoo hoo!

And speaking of getting it right...lumping me in with the "gals" who have dollar signs in their eyes makes us about even in the BIG FUCKING MISTAKE dept....especially with my strongly stated caveat at the top of my post.


The fact that you see wasting that 250K as the smarter thing to do rather than split it, (I ,personally, would not have taken your money if I were lucky enough to be YOUR wife, or rather, ex wife...but she is not a lovely person, no?..So much for *your* judgment).. invest the half you have and more than double it by the time you retire is..um....your choice....ok...whatever...you da man! 


You win, eh?

You are the ...winner.

....and it shows, Dravenhawk...it really shows.


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## RedVelvet (Feb 10, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> And ... if you and your ex wife are on civil terms now... why have you so bitterly spread all the dirt about her on these public forums... again Id lay bets that she wouldn't be nearly so civil if she saw this thread.



I mean REALLY....the most PERSONAL and damning and indiscreet crap just put up in cyberspace for all to see......

Now that's CLASS!


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## Ernest Nagel (Feb 10, 2008)

Big Drave,

I would NEVER say you're a selfish DICK because of the Dims rules but you really need to do some serious self-assessement. JMO.


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## op user (Feb 10, 2008)

A friend says that friendship is a mutual continous exploitation. And a saying from the aviation world is that: I am going to kill you because you would allow me to do so".

What do I mean? In a relation both partners are putting something and getting something. Is it equal? almost never! However if both feel ok by the arrangment why not contiunue? A BBW taking advantage of an FA? Why not if the FA feels that what he takes back is decent/ sufficient. The major issue is when one of them is ready to go ahead and the other is not.


op user


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## chublover350 (Feb 11, 2008)

missy_blue_eyez said:


> He is 20 and is more interested with keeping up appearances amongst his peers! So whats a girl to do! I was just his guilty pleasure that no one should ever know about!



quilty pleasure....thats SO RUDE!!!!!!


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## Sugar (Feb 11, 2008)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Big Drave,
> 
> I would NEVER say you're a selfish DICK because of the Dims rules but you really need to do some serious self-assessement. JMO.



I can't rep you again...so here's some public rep. :wubu:


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## Dravenhawk (Feb 11, 2008)

Ernest Nagel said:


> Big Drave,
> 
> .... you really need to do some serious self-assessement. JMO.



Self-assessment in process -- Yeah I f*cked up. When your heart is betrayed a person tends to do some really serious stuff he later regrets. 

Dravenhawk


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## David Bowie (Feb 11, 2008)

well ive seen rape of a boy by a girl


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## Ernest Nagel (Feb 12, 2008)

Dravenhawk said:


> Self-assessment in process -- Yeah I f*cked up. When your heart is betrayed a person tends to do some really serious stuff he later regrets.
> 
> Dravenhawk



DH, it's trite to say we all make mistakes; that's a given. How we deal with them predicts what we can expect to regret or not. After my 1st divorce I put 3 F. Scott Fitzgerald quotes on my bathroom mirror.

"Action is character."

"Forgotten is forgiven."

"Genius is the ability to put into effect what is on your mind."

Don't dwell too much on the past. What's done is done. What can you do _now_ is all that really matters.

Also suggest picking up the book, The Four Agreements by Ruiz & Ruiz.

http://www.miguelruiz.com/fouragreements.html

And just to be clear, I do feel you have cause to be pretty damn hard on yourself. :bow:


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## superodalisque (Feb 20, 2008)

op user said:


> A friend says that friendship is a mutual continous exploitation. And a saying from the aviation world is that: I am going to kill you because you would allow me to do so".
> 
> What do I mean? In a relation both partners are putting something and getting something. Is it equal? almost never! However if both feel ok by the arrangment why not contiunue? A BBW taking advantage of an FA? Why not if the FA feels that what he takes back is decent/ sufficient. The major issue is when one of them is ready to go ahead and the other is not.
> 
> ...



great point. well i only think your being used if you feel used.


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