# How to say your an FFA



## Sugarkitten7 (Sep 8, 2009)

I have no idea how to tell my boyfriend I'm an FFA, ideas anyone? We've been together like over a year so I figure it's time to tell him. I need help! I've tried a few times dropping hints, but it hasn't worked. So I'm at a loss of what to try next.:doh:


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## Cors (Sep 8, 2009)

How does he feel about his own fat body? If he is insecure or uncomfortable, chances are that he will freak out everytime you go near his chubby bits. If he seems okay, you might want to pay extra attention at say, his moobs, belly, ass or whatever part you like best during sex and say him something like "wow, I must confess that touching X part really turns me on..." and see how he responds. Most men also like the idea of their size giving a woman security, so you could gush about that too.


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## BigChaz (Sep 8, 2009)

Slowly wean him towards accepting it by putting FFA agricultural propaganda around the house.







"Honey, what is all this FFA stuff?"

"Oh, didnt I tell you? I am an FFA."


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## Esther (Sep 8, 2009)

I have the same problem, and I've been with my guy for almost three years. I still haven't told him outright, but I feel like he has gotten the picture from my behaviour. I wish I had the courage to fess up.


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## Buffetbelly (Sep 8, 2009)

I suggest the following 6-point program:

1. Fondle, stroke, caress, squeeze and kiss his belly at every opportunity.

2. Squeeze, fondle and nibble on his moobs.

3. Prepare his favorite comfort foods and insist he have seconds. 

4. As a present, buy him new clothes in the next size up. Buy him a tiny Speedo.

5. Swoon over fat celebrities and movie stars.

6. Just tell him.


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## Tad (Sep 8, 2009)

I think that how, and even if, depend mostly on the details. What he is like, what you are like, what your relationship is like. Since we know none of that at all, it is pretty hard to say much, it would be like being blindfolded, spun around, then given a dart to throw: it could be a bullseye, but it could go in the total opposite direction!. If you tell us more about him (how fat is he, has he always been fat, how does he feel about his body, is he pretty intuitive or do you have to spell things out?), about you (are you shy, do you verbalize your feelings much, are you thin, have you had fat boyfriends in the past), and your relationship (how openly do you talk, where and how did you meet, do you live together vs long-distance vs. living with parents vs etc, how solid things seem to you, do you guys have many fights), thenwell it would be like pointing those blindfolded dart throwers in the right general direction, we are still apt to miss more than hit, but are less apt to go off on the totally wrong direction. 

In general, getting advice in this sort of situation is often most useful just in the sense of being a sounding board, to see what things seem to make sense or not make sense when you see them all written down instead of chasing themselves around the inside of your skull. For that purposes sometimes writing out your own thoughts on the matter can be just as helpful as getting thoughts from someone else. Anyway, to me the first question is do you tell him explicitly or just let him pick it up based on your behavior, and then if you feel you should or have to tell him explicitly, the question of how to tell him comes up. Maybe youve already decided that you will tell him?


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## Melian (Sep 8, 2009)

Like Esther mentioned, after being together for a while (unless you spend no time together or he has zero intuition), he has probably figured you out, mostly. 



Buffetbelly said:


> I suggest the following 6-point program:
> 
> 1. Fondle, stroke, caress, squeeze and kiss his belly at every opportunity.
> 
> ...




With various bf's, I did most of the things on Buffetbelly's list, but the bolded sentence was what REALLY seemed to work. The conversation always went like this:

*commercial/poster/article/etc featuring hot fat guy is visible*

Me: I want to nail that guy. *deadpan*
Him: WHAT? Ew...why?
Me: He's hot.
Him: But...he's fat.
Me: No shit.
Him: Oh. You like that, huh?
Me: Fuck yeah. Don't act like you didn't know.

And then he knows. Try it


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## Tad (Sep 8, 2009)

Given that we pretty much don't know anything about you, him, or your relationship, I think you've gotten remarkably good advice!

I'm just posting to say that unless you feel a real need to do so, or see some other purpose behind it, you don't have to tell him in so many words. You don't want to hide it, but letting him figure it out over time is no crime. (not saying you shouldn't tell him, just that not everything has to be put into words. Especially with guys, who will generally use less words in a day and way less of them talking about feelings.....)


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## HDANGEL15 (Sep 8, 2009)

Melian said:


> Me: I want to nail that guy. *deadpan*
> Him: WHAT? Ew...why?
> Me: He's hot.
> Him: But...he's fat.
> ...



*I DIG THE SUBTLETY.......very sly.....

I have never had to deal with this really....especially since I usually ONLY Date guys that are built for comfy-ness...and KNOW I DIG IT...although it's been a while,,,,,,,,,*


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## BigChaz (Sep 8, 2009)

HDANGEL15 said:


> *I DIG THE SUBTLETY.......very sly.....
> 
> I have never had to deal with this really....especially since I usually ONLY Date guys that are built for comfy-ness...and KNOW I DIG IT...although it's been a while,,,,,,,,,*



Visit South Florida again and give me a little heads up so I can meet someone who doesn't have to be subtle about it!


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## youareneverready (Sep 8, 2009)

Maybe it's just me, but I find it strange that everyone automatically assumes that the boyfriend in question is already fat. I'm a closeted FFA, and the main reason I've never 'come out' about my preference is that I am in love with and in a long-term relationship with a man who isn't fat, which is difficult because I'm constantly torn between wanting to be completely honest and feeling the need to stay silent at the risk of making him uncomfortable or ruining a good thing.


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## BigChaz (Sep 8, 2009)

youareneverready said:


> Maybe it's just me, but I find it strange that everyone automatically assumes that the boyfriend in question is already fat. I'm a closeted FFA, and the main reason I've never 'come out' about my preference is that I am in love with and in a long-term relationship with a man who isn't fat, which is difficult because I'm constantly torn between wanting to be completely honest and feeling the need to stay silent at the risk of making him uncomfortable or ruining a good thing.



I don't think it's strange at all to assume he is fat. This is the BHM/FFA forum and she wants to tell her boyfriend she is an FFA. Since she did not tell us whether or not he is fat we can only assume then as an FFA, he is most likely fat. If he is not, I would hope she would include that as that is a somewhat different dynamic than a fat boyfriend.


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## Sugarkitten7 (Sep 8, 2009)

thanks for all the responses. I'm totally geussing he has a bit of an idea, I mean I told him I don't like thin guys, and he's seen most of the people I dated and none of those guys were really thin. I'm going to try and muster up the courage! Ahh but I'm so nervous. He's really accepting to most of my weird ass traits. But this is kinda on a deeper personal level.....I just want to avoid him freaking out as much as possibly.....


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## Sugarkitten7 (Sep 8, 2009)

Some details that might help you guys out:

He's not super thin, but not huge, kinda in the middle. Enough to satisfy my personal taste. I think he's somewhat sensitive about being bigger, but not terribly so. He's pretty open about it, so thats why i'm alittle stuck. I have no idea how he will react. I've tried so hard to drop hints and get to him to ask me if i am, but that hasn't worked. 

I really want to try to be more open with him so i think its important to let him into my personal life alittle more.

I've been with him for over a year. And there is talk of marriage. So it's time to tell him i believe.


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## roundaboutway (Sep 8, 2009)

No one is going to know what you like unless you tell them. Guys rarely pick up "hints". I highly doubt these guys know your an ffa. Maybe they realize you don't mind their belly or size. Thats probably as far as it goes.

Why wait for years? There is nothing to lose if you tell him. Three things can happen. He can like that you are. He may not care if you are. I doubt he will find it bad or freak out. If he isn't into it he won't care much.


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## kilo riley (Sep 9, 2009)

Sugarkitten7 said:


> I have no idea how to tell my boyfriend I'm an FFA, ideas anyone? We've been together like over a year so I figure it's time to tell him. I need help! I've tried a few times dropping hints, but it hasn't worked. So I'm at a loss of what to try next.:doh:



Is he fat?

why do you think you need to say anything?

most people don't even know what a FFA means

if he's not fat and you tell him you like fat guys then what good will that do?


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## Goreki (Sep 9, 2009)

Hey, if he freaks out, you just talk it out with him. You obviously like him because of who he is as well as being physically attracted to him. So that's an easy answer to any possible "Do you like me just because I'm fat?" questions.


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## escapist (Sep 9, 2009)

I guess I don't understand why this is a problem? I mean I always looked for cues that a girl was into big guys. Granted I am a SSBHM so its kind of a duh if you are into me that you are probably into big guys. Now that I have a FFA on my arm all the time she clues me in even more when other girls are FFA. She catches little things that I didn't fully see or recognize as Indicators of Interest (IOI's). I love FFA. Often I get the playful ones real fast, they take very little time to warm up and start loving on my belly and snuggling up to me. I guess I am saying, if he is a big guy wouldn't he know your a FFA? My girl is very open about it. She is often reading stories, looking at pictures and video's (if not sneaking and making video's of me...yeah I caught you! Filming me!). Its cool though she is so cute about it. Why would I stop her. She is so loveable the way she attacks me and bounces off my belly and try's to move it hehehe then gives up after the strenuous workout and just cuddles with it. Ahhhh good times good times. I say just grab his belly and tell him "grrrrrr I LOVE your BELLY!", and MEAN IT!


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## BigChaz (Sep 9, 2009)

escapist said:


> I guess I don't understand why this is a problem? I mean I always looked for cues that a girl was into big guys. Granted I am a SSBHM so its kind of a duh if you are into me that you are probably into big guys. Now that I have a FFA on my arm all the time she clues me in even more when other girls are FFA. She catches little things that I didn't fully see or recognize as Indicators of Interest (IOI's). I love FFA. Often I get the playful ones real fast, they take very little time to warm up and start loving on my belly and snuggling up to me. I guess I am saying, if he is a big guy wouldn't he know your a FFA? My girl is very open about it. She is often reading stories, looking at pictures and video's (if not sneaking and making video's of me...yeah I caught you! Filming me!). Its cool though she is so cute about it. Why would I stop her. She is so loveable the way she attacks me and bounces off my belly and try's to move it hehehe then gives up after the strenuous workout and just cuddles with it. Ahhhh good times good times. I say just grab his belly and tell him "grrrrrr I LOVE your BELLY!", and MEAN IT!



I am going to hazard a guess here, so everyone just stick with me while I try to work through this.

I am going to make the assumption that most guys who are overweight are not 100% thrilled with being overweight, nor are they looking for the smaller group of women who are into guys who are overweight. Many overweight men might feel the need to lose weight or be unhappy with their current weight and feel that women are judging them more harshly because of it. If they get dates, girlfriends, or whatever, they may be assuming the girl likes everything about them so much that she must be willing to overlook his weight problem.

It's easy to look at everyone else in the world with dimensions colored eyes. Society has a strong hold on people's ideas of looks and beauty.


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## escapist (Sep 9, 2009)

BigChaz said:


> I am going to hazard a guess here, so everyone just stick with me while I try to work through this.
> 
> I am going to make the assumption that most guys who are overweight are not 100% thrilled with being overweight, nor are they looking for the smaller group of women who are into guys who are overweight. Many overweight men might feel the need to lose weight or be unhappy with their current weight and feel that women are judging them more harshly because of it. If they get dates, girlfriends, or whatever, they may be assuming the girl likes everything about them so much that she must be willing to overlook his weight problem.
> 
> It's easy to look at everyone else in the world with dimensions colored eyes. Society has a strong hold on people's ideas of looks and beauty.



Maybe I guess. I don't believe in self-loathing. I don't see why I would even waist my time worrying about such things. The way I see it either a woman is attracted to you or she is not. There is no point trying to force the issue in either direction. I've never felt a lack or a loss of women wanting me in general. I've never sat there with a questionnaire list to ensure every woman I talked to and had a fun engaging time with fulfilled her requirements of her dream man. I work on much simpler terms. My weight just isn't an issue in my own head. Not my problem if it's an issue in a woman's head. I'm struggling to think of a time where it was and nothing truly comes to mind. In fact the opposite comes to mind. People telling me I had no chance with so and so because I was not "Her Type" only for me to go on and have a wonderful time with the woman and often continue to take the relationship on to a deeper level. The only group that I've seen "Society" have a strong hold on are the very young, and the very shallow. I'm not exactly looking for either of those. So maybe that's why I just missed that group.

What I have seen time and time again are guys who have been brainwashed to think they don't have chance in hell because they don't drive the right car, or have the right "look", or the right job, or be the right height, or they are just plain not hot enough. I don't know how many times I can say it on this forum or how many more times the women here will continue to post in agreement. Attraction is something a woman feels. You can either lean how to stimulate a woman to feel it or you can just be blind to it and base all your thoughts of coupling on rumors, silly rituals, or worse blind luck experience. I never met a woman who didn't want more from me once she realized (and more importantly felt) I was someone she could be herself with, have fun with, and felt a level of stimulating energy that was constantly teasing her senses left her wanting more.

The only reason I have to think about my wight is my own personal health. Thats it.


Ok, I'll admit, a certain level of swagger and self-confidence helps. Combine that with a positive outlook, the ability to make a woman laugh and feel that powerful "this guy is amazing", and well you just can't go wrong. Why would I care if a beautiful woman who is deeply attracted to me on many levels likes my belly or not? The only reason I can think of is well FFA's can be fun and add whole new dynamic and area of play to the relationship.


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## BigChaz (Sep 9, 2009)

That is one way to look at things.


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## BigChaz (Sep 9, 2009)

Since you put so much effort into writing me a novel, I decied I would put some effort into a reply or something.

Maybe I guess. I don't believe in self-loathing. I don't see why I would even waist my time worrying about such things. 
*I didn't bring up self-loathing. Also, worrying about your appearance and the attraction of other people does not equal self-loating.*

The way I see it either a woman is attracted to you or she is not. There is no point trying to force the issue in either direction. I've never felt a lack or a loss of women wanting me in general. 
*Not everyone is a pimp like you.*

I've never sat there with a questionnaire list to ensure every woman I talked to and had a fun engaging time with fulfilled her requirements of her dream man. 
*I'd put money on the fact that this is probably rarely, if ever done.*

I work on much simpler terms. My weight just isn't an issue in my own head. Not my problem if it's an issue in a woman's head. I'm struggling to think of a time where it was and nothing truly comes to mind.
*If you can't admit we live in a society where being overweight is portrayed as bad and unsexy and you should try to "fix yourself", then you need to get out more. If you also can't admit that many (most?) people would not like to be overweight and would like to be considered "hot", then I don't know what world you live in.*

In fact the opposite comes to mind. People telling me I had no chance with so and so because I was not "Her Type" only for me to go on and have a wonderful time with the woman and often continue to take the relationship on to a deeper level. The only group that I've seen "Society" have a strong hold on are the very young, and the very shallow. I'm not exactly looking for either of those. So maybe that's why I just missed that group.
*Good for you in your ability to score girls that other guys say are out of your league. But saying only the very young and very shallow are the ones who care what society thinks is foolish. I don't know how to refute your point because its so...wrong. Does everyone care? No, absolutely not. Sites like this are certainly going to have an amazingly different outlook on societies acceptance. The average joe? Hell yes he wants to be hot to that stunning girl down the bar.*

What I have seen time and time again are guys who have been brainwashed to think they don't have chance in hell because they don't drive the right car, or have the right "look", or the right job, or be the right height, or they are just plain not hot enough.
*Brainwashed? You are incredibly secure in yourself. Not everyone is ungodly confident in themselves.*

I don't know how many times I can say it on this forum or how many more times the women here will continue to post in agreement. Attraction is something a woman feels. You can either lean how to stimulate a woman to feel it or you can just be blind to it and base all your thoughts of coupling on rumors, silly rituals, or worse blind luck experience.
*It's hard to disagree with a basic fact that women (and men) feel attraction for people of the opposite sex. Also, the sky is blue.*

I never met a woman who didn't want more from me once she realized (and more importantly felt) I was someone she could be herself with, have fun with, and felt a level of stimulating energy that was constantly teasing her senses left her wanting more.
*Once again, great on you for being such a wonderful person.*


If you seriously can't understand how not everyone is self-confident in themselves, or wants to shed 10lbs here or there to look sexy, or wants to be taller, or wants to wear nicer clothes, or whatever else you can think of, then I don't know how we can have a conversation.

edit: I am not trying to be a dick here, I guess you and me just have incredibly different viewpoints of how things work.

edit2: Also, don't think that my arguments are an acceptance of the way things are or should be.


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## escapist (Sep 9, 2009)

My girlfriend says, your viewpoint is why your still single. Women aren't attracted to sarcastic clinical guys who have an underlying vein of unhappiness.

I say, continue to work on those social graces and eventualy you'll be pimp like me too. I believe in you. :happy:

Edit: Its ok man, I didn't get here over night the road of personal growth is a long one we all have to travel if we want to see our lives better. I do understand that some people have a sad negative outlook and yes much of what you say is very tinted with self loathing weather you wanted it to come out or not. Once you learn to be who you want to be and shed the thoughts worry's and cares of others the world changes. I suggest anything beyond this be continued in PM. Lets keep the threads clear and on topic.

To the Original Poster, I hope my original point of perhaps he knows and likes it, or simply doesn't care has not been lost by this banter.


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## BigChaz (Sep 9, 2009)

escapist said:


> My girlfriend says, your viewpoint is why your still single. Women aren't attracted to sarcastic clinical guys who have an underlying vein of unhappiness.
> 
> I say, continue to work on those social graces and eventualy you'll be pimp like me too. I believe in you. :happy:
> 
> ...



What the fuck? This is so ridiculously condescending and self-righteous that I can't imagine how you typed it while patting yourself on the back at the same time.

To everyone else who has read this thread and may think I'm crazy, an idiot, or whatever, sorry that you had to suffer through it. I am extremely satisfied with myself, my life, and the things I accomplish. I was just merely trying to argue a point on why some people may have a hard time with the scenario presented in the original post of this thread. If you think that my points were about myself, then you are sorely mistaken. I'll leave this thread now because its no longer an interesting or fun conversation for me.


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## escapist (Sep 9, 2009)

BigChaz said:


> What the fuck? This is so ridiculously condescending and self-righteous that I can't imagine how you typed it while patting yourself on the back at the same time.
> 
> To everyone else who has read this thread and may think I'm crazy, an idiot, or whatever, sorry that you had to suffer through it. I am extremely satisfied with myself, my life, and the things I accomplish. I was just merely trying to argue a point on why some people may have a hard time with the scenario presented in the original post of this thread. If you think that my points were about myself, then you are sorely mistaken. I'll leave this thread now because its no longer an interesting or fun conversation for me.



Well I don't see how comments like: "*Not everyone is a pimp like you.*" can be viewed as constructive, on topic or anything other than an attack.

My comments were not fully directed at you the entire time not sure why you would think they were.

I'm not sure why you chose to direct all your comments to me in such a scathing way. It does say something about who you are. I can only see such chat as silly so you get silly comments back. Thank you for withdrawing and allowing the thread to continue.

I still want to know if the original posters boyfriend is a BHM and if anything has been said to him yet


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## Sugarkitten7 (Sep 9, 2009)

>.> guys please.....take it somewhere else.

thanks for the other comments though. yeah i'm doing it today. I think i"ll just say it. hope for the best. I'm personally alittle bit shy so thats why its so hard for me to come out and say such things. im not sure, rejection is what im afriad of most. its true, even if it sounds silly.


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## escapist (Sep 9, 2009)

Sugarkitten7 said:


> >.> guys please.....take it somewhere else.
> 
> thanks for the other comments though. yeah i'm doing it today. I think i"ll just say it. hope for the best. I'm personally alittle bit shy so thats why its so hard for me to come out and say such things. im not sure, rejection is what im afriad of most. its true, even if it sounds silly.



Thats the spirit, "Damn the torpedo's full speed ahead!". I admire your courage and wish you the best. :happy:


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## krystalclear (Sep 9, 2009)

Sugarkitten7 said:


> >.>
> thanks for the other comments though. yeah i'm doing it today. I think i"ll just say it. hope for the best. I'm personally alittle bit shy so thats why its so hard for me to come out and say such things. im not sure, rejection is what im afriad of most. its true, even if it sounds silly.



Please let us know if things go well. I am somewhat in this predicament myself.


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## Sugarkitten7 (Sep 10, 2009)

I did it. I think he was okay with it. He didn't freak out, but i do assume he might have been freaking out silently alittle bit. I'm going to talk to him about it to him more tonight, ahhh! I can't believe I did it.


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## Melian (Sep 10, 2009)

Sugarkitten7 said:


> I did it. I think he was okay with it. He didn't freak out, but i do assume he might have been freaking out silently alittle bit. I'm going to talk to him about it to him more tonight, ahhh! I can't believe I did it.



It will all pay off when he figures out some new modes of foreplay.....:happy:


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## krystalclear (Sep 10, 2009)

Sugarkitten7 said:


> I did it. I think he was okay with it. He didn't freak out, but i do assume he might have been freaking out silently alittle bit. I'm going to talk to him about it to him more tonight, ahhh! I can't believe I did it.



Glad it worked out for you.


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## roundaboutway (Sep 10, 2009)

i'm glad you did it. Isn't this better than waiting for years wondering....I don't think anyone will "reject" anyone for a physical preference or admiration.


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## escapist (Sep 12, 2009)

roundaboutway said:


> i'm glad you did it. Isn't this better than waiting for years wondering....I don't think anyone will "reject" anyone for a physical preference or admiration.



That all depends on if the physical preference takes precedence over everything else. I have absolutely had times I had to rid myself of the ones I felt were just not enough into me and to much into my body, or money, or any combo.


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## rabbitislove (Sep 12, 2009)

Melian said:


> Like Esther mentioned, after being together for a while (unless you spend no time together or he has zero intuition), he has probably figured you out, mostly.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You a genius Melian. Like your some kind of *scientist* or something...


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## Cors (Sep 12, 2009)

rabbitislove said:


> You a genius Melian. Like your some kind of *scientist* or something...



Did you see her hot lab coat pics?


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## rabbitislove (Sep 12, 2009)

Sugarkitten7 said:


> >.> guys please.....take it somewhere else.



Rabbit: Boys boys, theres no need to fight over me!
Guys: We're not fighting over you!
Rabbit: Okay carry on then!

(Hahaha. Im a Simpsons geek)

OP: Im glad you told your man. Just keep it positive, and keep letting him know how sexy you think he is. Keep us posted.


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## Sugarkitten7 (Sep 15, 2009)

Hm, its been going well. Although i'm not sure how he feels about it. i think after i said it things kinda fell into place. i felt so much better. a huge weight (no pun intended) off my shoulders. of course, i think he got my hints about me not wanting him to lose weight. which im glad about haha. 

honestly im not even sure why i didnt just tell him in the first place. im a sissy like that.


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## escapist (Oct 17, 2009)

Melian said:


> It will all pay off when he figures out some new modes of foreplay.....:happy:



ummm I'm still figuring out new things for foreplay as a BHM and OMG is it GREAT! I don't know if I've ever had so much fun! Rarrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


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## Horseman (Oct 18, 2009)

How to tell a BHM that you're an FFA?

You might think grabbing the BHM's ass would be a hint. :wubu:

But I've just been told not to take that literally. :really sad:


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