# Contemplating Retirement



## BigFusionNYC (Jun 25, 2006)

Well you clicked on the thread, so this is what's up. I'm thinking of retiring from the hole BHM/FFA gainer type sub-culture scene. I just don't feel it's real enough any more. Many of you out there are genuine and cool peeps and all but the overwhelming amount of bullshit is just getting to a very high annoyance factor as late. I feel like a 41 year old catcher with bad knees trying to get a new baseball team, it's just not gonna happen. Any thoughts on this or comments? Maybe a poll, should The General aka Big Fusion just retire and try to salvage whatever the hell is left of my "life"?


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## Obesus (Jun 25, 2006)

Let me tell you...the "scene" is just depressing right now....looks pretty hopeless and is definitely not what everyone had hopes for a few years ago. I personally blame the Internet for "flattening" everything out, rather than making it more alive and connected..but that is a paradox best left for another thread. I know exactly what you mean and I "give up" on a daily basis. That is why I have completely switched tactics and taken the radical stance of saying..."OK, this is not exactly a life-fulfilling thing over here and it is a socially isolating experience that leads to many a depressive moment." "Why?...what are the political and social forces that make it this way, beyond the obvious hatred that most of the world has for fat...and why is that so...I mean deep down in the subterreanean underground of the mass psyche?" It has also become a spiritual problem....and my response as a Fat Holy Man has been to say...fine...solitude is not a problem for me, because I have vast inner resources...others may not be so fortunate, because they have not spent a lifetime working on their mystical lives...but I have...so it is up to me to teach and guide and generally guru this mess around! 
Gosh...this all just came rattling off my fingers, without even a second thought, so you must have opened a floodgate over here! So, the bottom line, is that each individual has to respond to the social, political and spiritual problems that plague us...the absolute lack of a real community and any sense of connectedness being a central issue...on an individual basis and come up with a real solution...mine is to stay and teach...but then, I am an absolutely daft and crazy divine-fool holy man on a mission!  :shocked: 
Obesus, aka The Reverend Elder Mech, Swami Jalananda and a few other names too shocking for the mind to stand!



BigFusionNYC said:


> Well you clicked on the thread, so this is what's up. I'm thinking of retiring from the hole BHM/FFA gainer type sub-culture scene. I just don't feel it's real enough any more. Many of you out there are genuine and cool peeps and all but the overwhelming amount of bullshit is just getting to a very high annoyance factor as late. I feel like a 41 year old catcher with bad knees trying to get a new baseball team, it's just not gonna happen. Any thoughts on this or comments? Maybe a poll, should The General aka Big Fusion just retire and try to salvage whatever the hell is left of my "life"?


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## BigFusionNYC (Jun 25, 2006)

Well you said pretty clearly and elloquently exactly how I feel, most people here seem to think it's all fun and games and food when you're a fat GUY. They also like to tell you that it's easier to be a Fat Guy than a Fat Gal. How many Fat Guy websites are there (that are non gay based) 0 How many BBW sites are there - 1000's. 'Nuff Said.


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## PolarKat (Jun 25, 2006)

BigFusionNYC said:


> Well you said pretty clearly and elloquently exactly how I feel, most people here seem to think it's all fun and games and food when you're a fat GUY.


 
We have a wise local shaman!! I agree as well that I also "give up" on a daily basis, but a short pause thereafter I find something to help get me back on my feet. I'm 3 days into my vacation, and I haven't spoken a word, but I've gone out to this real realxing spot, to go fishing and take in the peace & quiet, I've learned a few songs on the bass/guitar/piano, and I'm currently sitting on a beach near my house just watching the waves as I type this. You just need to find things to do that clear your mind, and better your "being" to counter the negative time.



BigFusionNYC said:


> They also like to tell you that it's easier to be a Fat Guy than a Fat Gal. How many Fat Guy websites are there (that are non gay based) 0 How many BBW sites are there - 1000's. 'Nuff Said.



I've said this before, We're a minority and not even an afterthought in this place.. the idea of SA if pretty much a woman only club..

and just as you pointed out there is no other place.. I had thought of renting out some cheap server space and creating a BHM site.. since nothing like that even exists, but I unfortunately don't have the time right now, but if you got some free time..


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## William (Jun 25, 2006)

Hey BFN

Well the FFA/BHM stuff is separate from feeding, some people combine them. You have no idea how much trouble I get into in some parts of Fat Acceptance for just asking for a little acknowledgement of the difficulties of Fat Men. I know that the major focus of Fat Men in Fat Acceptance will always be how little trouble they experience. The BHM/FFA Room at Dimensions is a breath of fresh air in that respect 

Hope you stick around and a high five on getting your image on the Diamondvision.

William 




 BigFusionNYC said:


> Well you clicked on the thread, so this is what's up. I'm thinking of retiring from the hole BHM/FFA gainer type sub-culture scene. I just don't feel it's real enough any more. Many of you out there are genuine and cool peeps and all but the overwhelming amount of bullshit is just getting to a very high annoyance factor as late. I feel like a 41 year old catcher with bad knees trying to get a new baseball team, it's just not gonna happen. Any thoughts on this or comments? Maybe a poll, should The General aka Big Fusion just retire and try to salvage whatever the hell is left of my "life"?


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## missaf (Jun 25, 2006)

It all boils down to what you want for your own life, and what makes you happy. If you're not happy the way you are, change it! And ya know what? You'll have the support of the people around you who are your true friends, not just those who might abandon you for choosing something against their fetish fantasies.

In my mind, the goal of this board isn't gaining, it's learning acceptance, and learning that there are women out there who appreciate the body mind and soul of fat men. If you can take that confidence and instill it into your everyday life, I think you'll start to notice a difference in the way people see you.


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## Obesus (Jun 25, 2006)

...even though time is a problem...there are some factors that militate in the direction of me starting both a website and attaching a dedicated forum...I have a ton of bandwidth on Homestead that I am not using each month and I am saving up to file for federal 501(C) 3 status and State of California nonprofit status for my educational corp. One of the things that I have long wanted to do with that project is to create a virtual fat-studies program with an area of focus for the male side...which has been sloughed off under the typical assumption that fat men don't have any problems in comparison to fat women...we have beaten that horse deader than a doorknob here, but the rest of the world may be a bit fuzzy on the concept. I also need to explore the psychological, spiritual and erotic sides to all of this and put it into some kind of sociological perspective. Jean Baudrillard's work on obesity gives me a sort of starting place for everything...and something to react against...and the psychological side has been mangled pretty well...so there is a lot to explore and clean up right off the bat. That is why I am hoping General Jorge sticks around, because there are only a few of us with any sort of experience and insight on the experience of the fat man...and each of us is a precious and irreplaceable treasure-trove of wisdom for any future community of fat men and admirers that might gel sometime in the 23rd Century! Maybe that is the real reason that I think we need a gathering of the tribe somewhere....to begin recording an oral history of our experience...:bow:


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## Obesus (Jun 25, 2006)

....is that the erotic weightgain oriented men tend to show up so frequently because they have taken their desires to the place where they finally want them to be acknowledged and they feel that this is the natural place to do that...Dimensions as a whole has a strong general association with the larger weightgain erotic world...then these men find out that such acknowledgement has to really come from within themselves...so we have tons of one-time disappointed posters who never come back to work on the size acceptance and self-acceptance part because they don't really see it as integral to their experience. 

The other aspect is that the gainers have so few other places to go...the Hungry Feedee board is equally depressing because there is so little interaction and a lot of men are frankly afraid of the slightest thing that smacks of the Gay community and a lot of weightgaining men are Gay or Bi in the real world...there is much more support for that lifestyle than on the Hetero side. The weightgain constellation of desires has really become, out of necessity, an internally driven experience with few exterior supports or validations. All of these isolated individuals who are searching for validation for their craving and yearnings, make it very hard to get any kind of sense of community or mutual support here...it is very parallel to the sense of isolation and apprehension in the Gay community way back in the 50's and 60's, when being discovered as Gay could land you in a world of hurt. 

The lesson that I draw there is that it might take a very strong event or personality to spark some kind of centralized realization that what is really needed here is a sense of the complexity and power latent within the isolated individuals on the Board...a political and social sense, in other words. 

Each individual has to come up with their own solution, as you say, but that will be a mountain-climbing experience for most men. Peer-support is a concept whose time has come, and despite the nay-sayers who believe that men will never talk to each other about emotional issues....it will eventually happen, given a supportive and validating set of participants who finally just get tired of fighting it out alone.

I think that the gaining desire needs to be seen as something that is an integral part of the experience of many fat men and not something apart, but it is certainly not the center of the fat male experience in any way shape or form...a fact that has become confused and fuzzy on the board. The solution is neither exclusionary nor reductionist, but inclusive and diversity-oriented.



missaf said:


> It all boils down to what you want for your own life, and what makes you happy. If you're not happy the way you are, change it! And ya know what? You'll have the support of the people around you who are your true friends, not just those who might abandon you for choosing something against their fetish fantasies.
> 
> In my mind, the goal of this board isn't gaining, it's learning acceptance, and learning that there are women out there who appreciate the body mind and soul of fat men. If you can take that confidence and instill it into your everyday life, I think you'll start to notice a difference in the way people see you.


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## William (Jun 25, 2006)

Hi Obesus

I have two very low traffic Yahoo Groups and it is all I can do to just moderate them. Maybe later this year when classes are over, if I do not have to take a second job to pay for the classes 

Another option is to be active on the regular Fat Acceptance Forums and grouips, if a FFA is out there is interested then..........................who knows

William







Obesus said:


> ....is that the erotic weightgain oriented men tend to show up so frequently because they have taken their desires to the place where they finally want them to be acknowledged and they feel that this is the natural place to do that...Dimensions as a whole has a strong general association with the larger weightgain erotic world...then these men find out that such acknowledgement has to really come from within themselves...so we have tons of one-time disappointed posters who never come back to work on the size acceptance and self-acceptance part because they don't really see it as integral to their experience.
> 
> The other aspect is that the gainers have so few other places to go...the Hungry Feedee board is equally depressing because there is so little interaction and a lot of men are frankly afraid of the slightest thing that smacks of the Gay community and a lot of weightgaining men are Gay or Bi in the real world...there is much more support for that lifestyle than on the Hetero side. The weightgain constellation of desires has really become, out of necessity, an internally driven experience with few exterior supports or validations. All of these isolated individuals who are searching for validation for their craving and yearnings, make it very hard to get any kind of sense of community or mutual support here...it is very parallel to the sense of isolation and apprehension in the Gay community way back in the 50's and 60's, when being discovered as Gay could land you in a world of hurt.
> 
> ...


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## Obesus (Jun 25, 2006)

I want to thank you for your kind thoughts in the direction of helping out...we shall see what transpires...who knows? There could be a slowly growing kind of awareness on the board here about size and self-acceptance...we will hope for and support that effort as much as we can! :bow: 



William said:


> Hi Obesus
> 
> I have two very low traffic Yahoo Groups and it is all I can do to just moderate them. Maybe later this year when classes are over, if I do not have to take a second job to pay for the classes
> 
> ...


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## Make_Lunch_Not_War (Jun 25, 2006)

missaf said:


> In my mind, the goal of this board isn't gaining, it's learning acceptance, and learning that there are women out there who appreciate the body mind and soul of fat men. If you can take that confidence and instill it into your everyday life, I think you'll start to notice a difference in the way people see you.




Absolutely! Using the Internet to communicate your thoughts and ideas with others who share a similar, if not "politically incorrect", preference for being fat or being attracted to fat people should not replace real-life experiences. What I mean by that is the real (a.k.a. non-Internet) world is a difficult place to live if you're a supersized person and no matter how much acceptance we may find online, the fact remains that we have to develop a thick skin towards the anti-fat bias of others if you want to live a successful, well-adjusted life.

While I admit that it sometimes seems that this and other FFA boards make it seem that some fat men are living a glorious, unbelievably exciting existence with FFAs throwing themselves at their feet all the time, the fact remains that the reality is that these fellows are probably living as frustrating and emotionally-empty existence as the rest of us big guys. I hope it's


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## Obesus (Jun 25, 2006)

...as much as our pie-in-the-sky discussions here try to create some deeper discussions than some of the wannabe type postings around these days, there is still the matter of your own decision on how to approach your relationship to life as a fat man. The best personal advice I can offer is that pinning hopes on the eventual possibility of meeting someone for a relationship of any kind from the Internet...even this charming little bit of it here, is not at all a sure thing. I know we have had many threads and discussions where folks have sworn by Internet dating and all that, but it is my conclusion at age 55 that if it hasn't really happened over the seven years that I have been coming around here, then it probably isn't going to happen over the next seven either. What's the old definition of "insanity" from AA?...doing the same useless thing over and over and expecting a positive result...on that thousandth attempt! That is where my dedication to studying and teaching around this situation comes from...to maybe create even a small community for the real folks around here...that would be satisfying and very challenging work! :bow:


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## BigFusionNYC (Jun 26, 2006)

If I retire you guys should retire my number on a Wall O'Fame for Dimensions. For those who do not know what number I am, I am NUMBER 8. I expect my colors to be ROYAL BLUE AND ORANGE. 

Meditate on this matter I will.


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## Obesus (Jun 26, 2006)

Yogi Berra is such an awesome dude...aw, I hope you hang in here General Jorge, even just as a commentator on the absurdity of it all...youse got an inspirational philosophy of your own...but I think I need a copy of this here book:

"When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It! Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes." 

You'll make the best decision....:bow: 




BigFusionNYC said:


> If I retire you guys should retire my number on a Wall O'Fame for Dimensions. For those who do not know what number I am, I am NUMBER 8. I expect my colors to be ROYAL BLUE AND ORANGE.
> Meditate on this matter I will.



http://www.ultimatemets.com/uniforms.html


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## BigFusionNYC (Jun 26, 2006)

*90 Percent of this Game is half mental. 

Anyways, I believe I should ellaborate a little further on my position. First off I should explain to everyone that I have been part of this Gainer/FFA/BHM/BBW scene since late 1998, so I'm a Seasoned Veteran. I'm like the Tom Glavine of feedees here, been around a while, but still goin' strong. 

Some of the people telling me how "this scene" has been have only been around the scene for like 2 years, I mean you may have your opinion, but I know more than you about this, that's why I'm a VERTERAN. I'm not one of the 'gainers' that has gone from 180 to 201 in 3.5 years, that's not a gainer. Currently I haven't been gaining weight due to lack of a FEEDER, not lack of commitment. I just don't see the logic in getting fatter and fatter all by myself. I'm fat, I know how to gain weight, I don't need rookie jerks telling me STUFF YOURSELF COME ON - YOU go stuff yourself, leave the Jedi Master alone! 

I mean some people here really need to get a life, all they talk is food food food gain gain gain fat fat fat, then in real life they don't act on it, I'm sure you guys that have responded know what I'm taking about Rev Holy Fat Man I'm looking over in your general direction. 

Anyways what I'm trying to say is I know the game, I know the deal, I know what I'm talking about, I know about New York City, I was BORN here in Manhattan. Don't try to tell me 'oh I went to NYC for 2 weeks and' SHUT THE HELL UP, I DON'T CARE! I LIVE HERE, YOU DON'T. 

You know what, I've made my decision. I've decided to sign on for another 3 year extension, I'm not retiring. I guess it's up to me to start the Revolution. I guess it's time for me to make it hard and annoying for all you smartasses and fakes who like to take advantage of some very nice, decent hearted people. 

THE GENERAL WILL BE AROUND FOR A VERY LONG TIME... TRUE STORY - NUMBER 8 WILL NOT BE UP ON A WALL ANYTIME SOON! *


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## Obesus (Jun 26, 2006)

In my heart of hearts, I know that you made the right decision...history is always made by the folks who just don't give up in the face of overwhelming adversity and this is a case that is pretty overwhelming! This is one of those situations where you need plain crazy visionary type prophet people stomping around the place causing a ruckus until everyone realizes that what everyone is doing is just not working out. Then maybe we can get somewhere in the real world..even Manhattan and Frisco! I read a story the other day about how the marital arts were invented in China. Seems that a very famous military man grew sick of war, became a hermit devoted to meditation and Taoism and refused to fight...went off on a mountain top. A few years later, a vicious soldier sought him out and accused him of cowardice and betrayal. He tried to kill the old hermit with a sword. The hermit ducked in a seemingly miraculously way and disarmed him. The young soldier tried again and again to kill the old man with no success. He finally became the old man's first disciple when he realized that he was up against the very force of the Universe itself...that is what the old holy man had learned to tap into! So, together they began to teach others how to fight by not fighting! Wow...sounds vaguely Jedi-knight like!!! :bow: 
I'm looking forward to some interesting times around here now that the General is staying...and you definitely have a crazy holy man on the mountaintop anytime you need one! 
Oh....I think this whole thing has propelled me closer and closer to literally writing the book on the weightgain preference..."The Disciples of Flesh" book expanded from my original articles from "Apocalypse Culture" has taken yet another step towards manifestation...gracias for the inspiration!  Obesus-wan-kenobi shall my name be!!!


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## BigFusionNYC (Jun 26, 2006)

* I've always let the Force guide me, and I've always let the Chi guide me as well, it's funny how everyone that had a comment on my other threads seems to be quiet now. Where are all the opinions and vast knowledge of New York City now. This isn't Friends, real NY'ers don't live in apartments like Monica. Where are the lurkers, hiding. The Holy Fat Man and The General have joined forces and now everyone seems to be in the corner. 

As for your book Rev Holy Emminence of Lardness, I would be more than happy to contribute my pen for that book. I've always wanted to write a book about Fat Guys and thus. Perhaps now I shall begin with the first Draft. 

Life isn't simple, Life isn't fair, I know that, but at least people could have common sense and realize to shut the hell up when they DON'T know what they are talking about. If you started talking about the Beatnik Revolution in the 50's I'd shut up, I have nothing to contribute to that. 

Anyways Obesus and the others, it's time for a change, let's show these fakers out there, and people trying to make us look bad that fat guys are here to stay dammit!

This Transmission Ends Now ..... *


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## BigFusionNYC (Jul 3, 2006)

* I still stand by my original ideals. *


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## Obesus (Jul 4, 2006)

....from the drawing of boundaries and the defining of the real...in the shifting electronic sands of the INTERNET and this very board, things are rarely what they seem...hence our rude intrusion of reality and the drawing of clear boundaries...mirages do not satisfy anything but a sense of imaginary curiosity and anomoly. Before all sense of reality drains out of this world in a shimmering flood of elctrons, let us celebrate the reality and enormity of all of this flesh in the place where it stands...in the city and on the ground.....touching Earth and causing the mountains to shake with each step!



BigFusionNYC said:


> * I still stand by my original ideals. *


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## PolarKat (Jul 4, 2006)

Obesus said:


> Jean Baudrillard's work on obesity gives me a sort of starting place for everything...and something to react against...and the psychological side has been mangled pretty well...so there is a lot to explore and clean up right off the bat.



Any recomendation from Jean Baudrillard library? I'll be hitting the library soon and I enjoyed some of his stuff when I was in school.


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## Webmaster (Jul 4, 2006)

Obesus said:


> Let me tell you...the "scene" is just depressing right now....looks pretty hopeless and is definitely not what everyone had hopes for a few years ago. I personally blame the Internet for "flattening" everything out, rather than making it more alive and connected......



The reason for that, Obesus, is that none of us had counted on the internet being a venue where snipers, slimers, and the assorted under-the-rock crowd would obsessively follow every word you say in order to build dossiers on you with the sole intent to blackmail you, threaten you, and destroy you. Sounds a bit paranoid, huh? It ain't. So those of us who've been here for a while, or a long while, have learned to keep their mouths shut and only issue politically correct, sugar-coated statements. Lest, of course, they want to build a cloak of total anonymity, with proxies, screen names and a carefully maintained ruse of a fake personality. Not for me. So there. It's terrorism right here in our midsts.


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## HappyFatChick (Jul 4, 2006)

Conrad has an excellent point. I know very few people who use their real names/identities on the net. They can't. If someone analyzed every word they wrote, they'd be certain to come up with something incriminating. Something that could get them into a lot of trouble at work/home/etc...


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## AnnMarie (Jul 4, 2006)

BigFusionNYC said:


> How many Fat Guy websites are there (that are non gay based) 0 How many BBW sites are there - 1000's. 'Nuff Said.



But that also has largely to do with the fact that women are notorious for being non-consumers when it comes to porn, etc. So, I wouldn't attribute the lack of commercial feasibility with lack of interest or desire. 

And there is southerngents if you actually wanted a site. 

(Sorry if anyone else said any of this, I just jumped in without reading it all first.)


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## BeautifulPoeticDisaster (Jul 4, 2006)

Just a couple of thoughts. I know Im female, please don't burn me at the stake here.

While I realise there is not much praising striaght BHMs...the reverse is also true. There isn't much out there celebrating bi or lesbian bbws/ssbbws. Don't know what that means really, I just found it an interesting coinkidink. (note: there is an organisation for lesbians of size, but SSBBW's are hardly ever the focus)

Another is, I have left before. I got tired of the bull shit. I got tired of people accusing me of things. I got tired of beliving I could find real friends in a community like this. I got tired of being lonely and single and having guy after guy lead me on. You are getting tired of waiting for a baseball team when you are older and not as strong as you used to be? Yeah well I feel you buddy. I felt like tha fat girl in grade school standing there in gym class while people picked teams for dodgeball.

If you feel it is time to leave. Do it. Don't let people talk you out of it. Life is a journey and sometimes your life knows where to go before you do. You might come back once you are in a different place in your life and you might not ever look back once at this place.

Whatever your choice dear stranger. I wish you well on your journey of self awareness, self love, and life experience.


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## William (Jul 4, 2006)

I forgot if this Gentleman was a BHM.

William

There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go. 

---Tennessee Williams





BigBellySSBBW said:


> Just a couple of thoughts. I know Im female, please don't burn me at the stake here.
> 
> While I realise there is not much praising striaght BHMs...the reverse is also true. There isn't much out there celebrating bi or lesbian bbws/ssbbws. Don't know what that means really, I just found it an interesting coinkidink. (note: there is an organisation for lesbians of size, but SSBBW's are hardly ever the focus)
> 
> ...


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## EvaDestruction (Jul 4, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> But that also has largely to do with the fact that women are notorious for being non-consumers when it comes to porn, etc. So, I wouldn't attribute the lack of commercial feasibility with lack of interest or desire.



and why is that. i was just speaking of this the other day. women are always 'grossed out' by porn and put-off by it, but i personally think it's solely because in life "we" women have in a way always been told to be like that. stems way back to shit. oppressed women. im not taking a radical, crazy, feminist stance on it and im sure ill lose my train of thought since there are so many when it comes to this.
but 'women arent to be sexual' and the remnants of that still is around today. we're "afraid" of our sexual desires sometimes, and this is one case right here; bellies and big butts.
_*im*_ sorry, i like big butts and i cannot lie.



so, apparently, i'll be stuck with bigguy gay porn for awhile. heh.


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## troyad (Jul 4, 2006)

great...now I've got THAT song running through my head lol


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## Obesus (Jul 4, 2006)

As I was posting over on this board to that British television company that wants to do a special on female feeders and male feedees...anyone who is actually doing anything _real_ left the Internet ages ago for safety issues...all that is left are the fantasists and frustrated wannabes. That is essentially what Jorge and I have been confronting in our own way...the question that we both have...is it worth any confrontation? There is always that "hope springs eternal" concept that somehow a rag-tag community of fat men will somehow coalesce here...but the opposite is also true...doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result really is a form of insanity. I think Jorge and I tend to talk each other off the ledge, which is actually a great way to model behavior, because at any one given time, probably half the fat men over here are ready to just call it quits...I was all ready to post a thread on tantricism and fat and I really have to wonder if it just isn't a waste of time...even if one other person "got" it, would it really make a difference? I am off to ponder ponderously, down on the Ponderosa, over a nice plate of pasta...it tends to soothe my nerves! :bow: 
PS...at least we are grappling with the community building issue in a small way...



Webmaster said:


> The reason for that, Obesus, is that none of us had counted on the internet being a venue where snipers, slimers, and the assorted under-the-rock crowd would obsessively follow every word you say in order to build dossiers on you with the sole intent to blackmail you, threaten you, and destroy you. Sounds a bit paranoid, huh? It ain't. So those of us who've been here for a while, or a long while, have learned to keep their mouths shut and only issue politically correct, sugar-coated statements. Lest, of course, they want to build a cloak of total anonymity, with proxies, screen names and a carefully maintained ruse of a fake personality. Not for me. So there. It's terrorism right here in our midsts.


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## Obesus (Jul 4, 2006)

No stake-burning allowed! You know that you are more than welcome over here, any ol' time!
You are correct that there are very scattered and local bits of support for supersize Bi and Lesbian women, much less Transgender...here in SF there are sporadic bits of community activity, usually around the time of the annual Pride Day events...I will never forget walking down Dolores one Pride Day and seeing a truckload of fat Lesbians dancing away as they headed toward the Castro...awesome and inspiriing...it is out there, but outside of SF and NY? who knows?
I know the whole leaving it for awhile thing...it is so intensely disappointing and depressing that I can only handle short periods...the old erotic dreams of the 80's and 90's have more than evaporated...they have been replaced with an ocean of fakes and fantasists. That is a personal quest and the only tool I have for it is activity out in the community...the real community, out in the world! :bow: 
Your timing, as usual, is excellent...I am taking this evening to set up the fat-studies part of the Institute...because there is nowhere else that I can find where anyone can collect information, post articles, or study the fat experience with some academic clout and the insider's sense of perspective...you are always welcome over there! :bow: 



BigBellySSBBW said:


> Just a couple of thoughts. I know Im female, please don't burn me at the stake here.
> 
> While I realise there is not much praising striaght BHMs...the reverse is also true. There isn't much out there celebrating bi or lesbian bbws/ssbbws. Don't know what that means really, I just found it an interesting coinkidink. (note: there is an organisation for lesbians of size, but SSBBW's are hardly ever the focus)
> 
> ...


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## bluewine (Jul 4, 2006)

BigFusionNYC said:


> Well you clicked on the thread, so this is what's up. I'm thinking of retiring from the hole BHM/FFA gainer type sub-culture scene. I just don't feel it's real enough any more. Many of you out there are genuine and cool peeps and all but the overwhelming amount of bullshit is just getting to a very high annoyance factor as late. I feel like a 41 year old catcher with bad knees trying to get a new baseball team, it's just not gonna happen. Any thoughts on this or comments? Maybe a poll, should The General aka Big Fusion just retire and try to salvage whatever the hell is left of my "life"?




I agree, I actually gave up a few tears ago.I keep a low profile here. For FA's like myself it seemed like every comment I made came back at me like I was some kind of freak. This is normal behavour, written in FA code and independent in relation with our thoughts.


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## Obesus (Jul 4, 2006)

Are you referring to Jorge or me? I am 305 pounds and Jorge is considerably larger than me...I think we both might qualify as BHM...:bow: 
Jorge fulfills the "H" part a little better, but I am a renunciate holy man, a brahmacharya and adeptus minore, so in my case, das machts nichts! :bow: 



William said:


> I forgot if this Gentleman was a BHM.
> 
> William
> 
> ...


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## Goreki (Jul 4, 2006)

The worst thing about the internet is distance. I would love to be able to have physical access to a bhm/ffa type community, but everyone is spread out really really far. so you get to know people you can't ever really get to know... it's kind of sad.

But never fear! Goreki's world tour of america kicks off around 2008, (this is when I will have enough money :doh and god dammit, I will be able to say "Oh, Minnesota? I'll be there in three days, let's go for coffee."

*kicks wallet*


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## Obesus (Jul 4, 2006)

Maybe in Ponape? Micronesia is not a bad option!  Oooooh...I may be in a far worse financial bind than you...I work for...gulp...a nonprofit! Low pay to begin with and no raise in seven years...but nice people to work for and I am still god-like lower middle management...hmmmmmm!  If you have ever gone over to the Hungry Feedee...there is a community of sorts Down Under...lively at times, even! 



Goreki said:


> The worst thing about the internet is distance. I would love to be able to have physical access to a bhm/ffa type community, but everyone is spread out really really far. so you get to know people you can't ever really get to know... it's kind of sad.
> 
> But never fear! Goreki's world tour of america kicks off around 2008, (this is when I will have enough money :doh and god dammit, I will be able to say "Oh, Minnesota? I'll be there in three days, let's go for coffee."
> 
> *kicks wallet*


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## Obesus (Jul 5, 2006)

...has the obesity material, where he is comparing obesity in a variety of contexts to his concept of the "obscene"....it is challenging, since either the translation isn't all that clear or he is really exploring some complexity on this one that depends on having read some of his other books...the little "Introducing Baudrillard" cartoon style book also mentions this aspect of his work and it may be hokey, but it does draw it in a much clearer manner. One of the essential ideas is that obese people make sex redundant: Wild! :bow: 



PolarKat said:


> Any recomendation from Jean Baudrillard library? I'll be hitting the library soon and I enjoyed some of his stuff when I was in school.


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