# A tragic love BHM/FFA love story



## Buffetbelly (Dec 5, 2011)

This was in the New York Times, of all places. The story starts out as a romantic tale between a BHM and a budding FFA, but things go away mainly because of the BHM's problems with self-esteem. It reminds me of stories I have heard recalled on this forum. Anyone else?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/04/fashion/what-a-scale-cant-measure-modern-love.html


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## Happy FA (Dec 5, 2011)

I found the article interesting but a bit strange in the sense that it was really the story of how a chubby woman found her groove and met someone with whom she felt comfortable who happened to be slender even though she seemed to be physically attracted to fat men. 

An interesting part was the portion of the story about the BHM who was too fat to allow him the self esteem he needed or perhaps the ability to do the physically demanding activities the writer wanted to do. I'm not convinced that these aspects of the story are real, and in many ways it sounded like revisionist history, with the writer convincing herself after the fact that the prior relation with the fat man who really engaged and attracted her was not a good relationship. While there may be physical limitations on folks to one extent or another, the limitations in the story seemed to escalate as the writer evolved out of her relationship with the fat man. I didn't buy what she was selling. Either the fat man was looking for excuses to get out of the relationship with the writer or the writer was attempting to justify her ending the relationship with the fat man.

The best part about the story is that the portions of the story related to the relationship, when going well, between the writer and fat man, were written with a ringing true sense of the great joy that can exist in a physical relationship with a fat partner. And, it wasn't written in an exploitative fashion... until it was time to explain why she was breaking up with the fat man.


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## Chubby B (Dec 5, 2011)

I read this last week and was struck by how many assumptions the writer made about the man. I don't think the issue was nearly as cut-and-dried as she made it out to be (him merely being insecure about his size), especially after the way the first date ended with him comfortably walking around the place naked in front of her. Sounds to me like she needed to have a way of explaining some rather unusual behavior on his part and this is how she dealt with it.


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## escapist (Dec 5, 2011)

I need to tell you that Im overweight. Not the sweaty, thighs-rubbing-together kind of overweight, but overweight nevertheless.

...and what exactly is wrong with that kind of overweight? I have well over 200 lbs on my loving FFA Chicken Legs (more like 300).


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## analikesyourface (Dec 5, 2011)

escapist said:


> I need to tell you that Im overweight. Not the sweaty, thighs-rubbing-together kind of overweight, but overweight nevertheless.
> 
> ...and what exactly is wrong with that kind of overweight? I have well over 200 lbs on my loving FFA Chicken Legs (more like 300).



There isn't anything wrong with it :3


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## Paquito (Dec 6, 2011)

It would have been tragic if one of them had died, or they found out she was actually his Mom. But only after they got married and had tons of sex.

This story was a disappointment.


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## chicken legs (Dec 6, 2011)

escapist said:


> “I need to tell you that I’m overweight. Not the sweaty, thighs-rubbing-together kind of overweight, but overweight nevertheless.”
> 
> ...and what exactly is wrong with that kind of overweight? I have well over 200 lbs on my loving FFA Chicken Legs (more like 300).



shhhhhh....why do you have to tell everyone I'm lovey dovey. You are ruining my reputation as scary FFA..dangit. 

The guy in the article sounds rather hot. She had me at "bearlike". However, it was rather sad that she moved on so quickly but it did seem like fate was not on their side. Plus she didn't even bring him chicken soup or something when he was sick. That would have been a warning sign to me as well. I'm glad he broke up with her on his terms.


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## MaryElizabethAntoinette (Dec 6, 2011)

Am I the only one who thinks that the lady in this story isn't an FFA at all?


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## tigerlily (Dec 6, 2011)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Am I the only one who thinks that the lady in this story isn't an FFA at all?



Not at all, Miss Mary. I actually read this and showed it to another Dimmer, who said it seemed more like the woman in the story was seeing the gentleman _despite _that fact that he was a large man rather than _because of_. I think I have to agree with that.


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## savethemurlocs11 (Dec 7, 2011)

Paquito said:


> It would have been tragic if one of them had died, or they found out she was actually his Mom. But only after they got married and had tons of sex.
> 
> This story was a disappointment.



It's tragic that I'm not able to rep you for this


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## agouderia (Dec 7, 2011)

MaryElizabethAntoinette said:


> Am I the only one who thinks that the lady in this story isn't an FFA at all?



No, you're not the only one - that was my first idea too.

On second reading, my text interpretation skills tell me something a bit different: This lady is highly insecure herself and projects her own issues with her heavier body on her fat partner.

Describing the fat boyfriend, especially her physical relationship with him are - also linguistically - the best, most convincing parts of the story, written with true fondness. None of that can be found in the description of her thin partners - even the end with the one she marries its very formulaic, adding to the rather hypocritical twist to fit into the general media tenor that only a thin, fit, active partner is acceptable.

IMO she is in denial over her acceptance of fat and tries to conform to social mainstream expectations and poured these into an inconsistent story.

He in turn seems to have some other issues than those of self-esteem over his weight - it sounds more like a mixture of bad luck and a tendency towards hypochondria (not that unusual among men regardless of their size  - as many of us girls might be able to relate too).

So - all in all a rather frustrating story !


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## Buffetbelly (Dec 8, 2011)

I may be partly influenced by the evocative illustration, but I do think she is an FFA or a potential FFA who ended up as a closet FFA. I think there are many FFA's out there who are in denial who convinced themselves to get involved with a thin guy for one reason or another. This gal may have decided that BHM's are all insecure, and although it's what she dreams of she can never have one in real life.


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## gorddito (Dec 10, 2011)

Buffetbelly said:


> I may be partly influenced by the evocative illustration, but I do think she is an FFA or a potential FFA who ended up as a closet FFA. I think there are many FFA's out there who are in denial who convinced themselves to get involved with a thin guy for one reason or another. This gal may have decided that BHM's are all insecure, and although it's what she dreams of she can never have one in real life.



I'm with Buffetbelly on this one. 

I have been in a similar situation that the one depicted in the article, with a friend who used to playfully pinch my belly and who gave me one of the best, longer and nicest belly rubs ever. Because my painful shyness things never went further than that. And i think my shyness frustrated her quite a bit, even one time she confronted me saying that my lack of self-esteem makes everything, even the small things, harder. Basically most of the time we used to hang out I spent it waiting for the 'right moment' to do something that would make us more than friends. And she spent it dating guys who weren't afraid to ask her out. I think at some level (maybe unconsciously) my friend did liked fat guys, or at least didn't mind some chub on a guy's body; but i guess at the same it was way easier for her (and actually more enjoyable) to date normal successful with the ladies kind of guys than try to 'fix' the fatty.

I feel a similar attitude from the girl of the article. Maybe she likes fat guys, or at least she did discovered that she actually can enjoy a fat body on a guy, and a relationship with a fat guy, but for her was easier or just better to come back to date her normal type of guy that try to figure out what was wrong with (and what could be good about) his odd guy with a lot of bad luck who just broke op with her. I perceive this especially on the last lines of the article. The idea of that it could be actually more fulfilling to just let this new guy lead her to new things, and let him be on charge; than try figure out things with a guy who doesn't seem to be on charge of his own life.


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