# no-one hates fat chicks but fat chicks



## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

if i may i would like to play devils advocate..and i'll tell you my truths, as i see them in my 29 years (nearly 30) on this planet.

The only people i have met who dont like fat women are fat women themselves.
I'm not talking about "fat acceptance" in society i.e whether an employer would favour a thin person over a fat person..etc.. i'm talking about everyday scenarios and body acceptance..
ok.. every EVERY (i said it twice to accentuate the fact) fat woman i know..doesnt like thier bodies!! (some have a feeling of slight acceptance but WANT to be thinner).
i'm not talking about the enlightened few that i have chatted to over the years on-line (some have said they loved thier bodies..but as i got to know them said that ACTUALLY they would prefer to loose weight)

but this brings me to my point..(i dont want to rant for a thousand words because i will bore myself).. 
The only people that i have ever heard fat hating comments from have been fat themselves..
i have a few friends who are "f'a" or who have no preference but love fat women too..and of course have nothing but great things to say about thier experiences with big women/men (i know some chubby chasing bears too).

but ..some of the comments i have heard from big women have been:
"i hate my body"
"how can you find THIS attractive" (talking about thier body).
"my breasts are grotesque"
"my god, she shouldnt be wearing that, when she is that size" 

sad to say..but the list goes on and on..

and frankly as an FA i am sick and tired of it..
to be honest i am tired of constantly reasuring people of how beautiful/attractive they are.
i am sick of being constantly probed and questioned as to "why i find thier bodies attractive"
i am anoyed beyond utter belief at the fact that the only people who have said i was "fucked up" or words to that affect when i say i like big women were big women themselves!!! (well except my mum.. but thats another funny story).
anyway..men love curves! its evolution.. and in my case i love curves.
i'm not sure how that fits into to evolutionary psychology of things ...but i do..
women are thier own worst enemies at times..
and i think that the world would be a fat happier place were it not for that fact.
you can rant on about society and social conformity..
but nothing can be changed by just sitting still.. 
but you see..its deeper that that...with fat acceptance its not just that fat people are standing back letting bigotry happen..
they are actually adding to it.. to the negativity..

and you know what..i will fight in every corner.

its like if martin luther king had been white ..fighting for the civil liberties of black people and black people had been self deprocating and didnt care about the rights or the beauty of other black people..

its like if germain greer was a man and fought for womens rights but the women just stood back muttering that infact men were better !!

i know that here ..obviously is a slightly more "enlightened" space for fat people.. but it seems that the reality is VERY different..
especially in scotland..where "fat" is a dirty word..which has not been reclaimed as something positive.

it just seems like a loosing battle sometimes.. and FA's can do thier bit.. but its really sad that big women/men are sometimes so disparaging of NOT only themselves but of other fat people..

fatism is the last bastian of bigotory ..
and its NOT FUCKING ACCEPTABLE!
as i tell my fat friends as they put down other fat people!

ok ..rant over..i'm off to get drunk and write some songs with my bi-fatual friend!..

xmer


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## bigsexy920 (May 7, 2008)

Umm - there are lots of women that are thin that hate their bodies - I would say that almost all do as well - they are always trying to lose weight - or even plastic surgery to "lift" things. 

Fat women are not exclusive in not liking their bodies 100% of the time. Yeah I wish my ass was bigger and my belly was smaller but over all Im pretty happy with my body - 

I hate my age more than I hate my body - 

As for reassuring a person all the time how attractive they are to you is annoying. BUT thin women do this too - hell big burly men do it. There are, in all walks of life people that have hang ups - If you love some one even if they have hang ups - well than you are going have to tell them more about their eyes and how wonderful they are.


Oh and yes there are people that hate fat chicks just cause they are fat. That is coming from a woman that has never had a non fat day in her life.


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## sweet&fat (May 7, 2008)

"no-one hates fat chicks but fat chicks"

Oh font of compassion. Internalized hatred is an ugly thing to be sure, but so is your post.


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## ThatFatGirl (May 7, 2008)

What Berna said and I'll add we know of at least two thin/average women who hate fat women too (see "Why Are You Here?" thread).

Bigotry is sadly universal, as is lack of self esteem among men and women fat or thin (a big thank you or perhaps fuck you to the media for this).


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## Tina (May 7, 2008)

Fat hatred knows no bounds, Mer. I'm glad you haven't experienced the full spectrum, but I sure have, and I can tell you that young, old, fat, thin, male or female, we are universally feared (bwahahaha!!)

Society, driven by greedy 'health and beauty' corporations, has been taught to fear and despise fat. Too many people internalize those screwed up messages. Fortunately, many of us here have been able to find enough value in ourselves to give them the finger.


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## Waxwing (May 7, 2008)

> and frankly as an FA i am sick and tired of it..
> to be honest i am tired of constantly reasuring people of how beautiful/attractive they are.



The thing is, that though you want to be helpful, you are not the person who as felt badly, who has felt marginalized. You don't get it because you are not "it".


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> The thing is, that though you want to be helpful, you are not the person who as felt badly, who has felt marginalized. You don't get it because you are not "it".


and YOU know.. that ive NEVER been fat??


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

ThatFatGirl said:


> What Berna said and I'll add we know of at least two thin/average women who hate fat women too (see "Why Are You Here?" thread).
> 
> Bigotry is sadly universal, as is lack of self esteem among men and women fat or thin (a big thank you or perhaps fuck you to the media for this).


well..how long can you blame the media for?
"9 out of 10 dr's smoke malbougho (or however that is spelled)"
"women... know your limits"..
i could go on..
yes..the media will always be there, spouting propiganda..with its own agenda..
but we must read between the lines..
also what you say is a western representation of the media..
the media in, trinidad (say) advocates that thin women are percieved as "ugly"..
the women over there eat "chicken feed steroids" because if your not at LEAST a size 18 then you get laughed off the beach for being too thin..
wah wah
xmer


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

Tina said:


> Fat hatred knows no bounds, Mer. I'm glad you haven't experienced the full spectrum, but I sure have, and I can tell you that young, old, fat, thin, male or female, we are universally feared (bwahahaha!!)
> 
> Society, driven by greedy 'health and beauty' corporations, has been taught to fear and despise fat. Too many people internalize those screwed up messages. Fortunately, many of us here have been able to find enough value in ourselves to give them the finger.


aye.. good..and its a fabulous thing.. this minority finger!!
but tis a finger none the less!!
excellent work!!
xmer


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

Ella Bella said:


> What is up with all the name calling in posts lately?
> 
> 
> Body hatred isn't a fat chick only thing. Yup there are fat chicks out there that hate their bodies, and there are fat chicks out there that are also perfectly comfortable and happy with their bodies.


indeed.. 
the point i was making..was..
in my experience.. it has only been big women who have been disparaging of other biog women..
and aye.. name calling is pish.. really it is.. but to say my post is ugly.. obviously means that it was utterly missunderstood.. and i cant be bothered with that...
if you dont understand something.. then ask...dont just hit out against it all..
i'm glad though because i think this is a very real issue.. and if people react strongly to it, then it must hit on something that is real.
xmer


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## largenlovely (May 7, 2008)

I don't know if it will help any, but i can vouch that this gal does in fact like fat chicks hehe. I've chatted with Lisa (mergirl) on the phone a few times and have chatted with her online too many times to count and on cam. I guarantee that her eyes would light up just like any male FA i've ever known when she'd getta peek at some fat belly or booty lol

She says what she thinks, but there's no ill intent towards fat women in her posts...this gal has lots of fat gal love

Now as for my answer...i gotta go with Berna on this. Women are just women..and most women hate their bodies in general, fat or skinny. You know me and that i'm pretty darn confident, but there are still parts of my body i'm not satisfied with. Do i focus on them? nope...because there are so many other things that i am happy with that i don't worry about those things 

and you will notice that i AM using your quote from the other post in my siggy hahahhaa


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## Waxwing (May 7, 2008)

mergirl said:


> and YOU know.. that ive NEVER been fat??



no, not at all. I don't know that. What I think I know is what people will feel when reading this post.

mergirl, you have views I agree with absolutely. But bringing them to the community in such a contentious way is not necessarily going to give you a good result. 

I never in any way implied that you've never been fat. I don't know if you're male or female, fat or thin.


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## mossystate (May 7, 2008)

Calling someone like sweet and fat moronic...really makes me want to listen to what they are yapping about...yeah. Jaysus. Do you really want to talk TO and WITH people, or just at them.


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> I don't know if it will help any, but i can vouch that this gal does in fact like fat chicks hehe. I've chatted with Lisa (mergirl) on the phone a few times and have chatted with her online too many times to count and on cam. I guarantee that her eyes would light up just like any male FA i've ever known when she'd getta peek at some fat belly or booty lol
> 
> She says what she thinks, but there's no ill intent towards fat women in her posts...this gal has lots of fat gal love
> 
> ...


muwahahaa..mwah..missus.. thank you for being my "honners" (which is scottish for my back up tag team..lmao)
totally..everyone has thier insecurities..fat and thin..
you know me.. and i am a wee stirrer.. i like to stir things up or else it all goes stagnent!
did it come across in my post like i had "ill intent" to fat chicks???
well that certainly wasnt ment .. of course not...
i guess i was talking about women in general..
how hyper critical they are of themselves AND others...
SERIOUSLY... most of the fat chicks i know.. have made disparaging comments about other fat chicks... which is shitty... but i guess socially learned or whatever...
but you would NEVER hear me making these comments..
hmmm....
also.. i was over emphisising my anoyance when i said i was sick of reasuring people of thier beauty... i ment that as a social comment!! like... why should i have to...
and i am hearing ..from all corners of the globe "because humans are intrinsically insecure"..
hmmm. aye whatever..
we ARE talking about your cock right?
xxmer


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> no, not at all. I don't know that. What I think I know is what people will feel when reading this post.
> 
> mergirl, you have views I agree with absolutely. But bringing them to the community in such a contentious way is not necessarily going to give you a good result.
> 
> I never in any way implied that you've never been fat. I don't know if you're male or female, fat or thin.


what do you mean by a "good result"?
xmer


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## Waxwing (May 7, 2008)

mergirl said:


> what do you mean by a "good result"?
> xmer



Just that people can be really emotional (and rightly so) about things that matter to them. I know I am. Stirring up conversation about a sensitive topic is a good thing, but it's hard to do in a way that doesn't scare people off.

Hell, I've not managed to figure out a good way to do it yet.


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## largenlovely (May 7, 2008)

yeah hon...it was the title i believe, but i KNOW better, though some of the other folks around here don't know ya. I think everyone is way sensitive after what happened on the other thread. If i didn't know you personally and know what a sweet FA ya are, i would be wondering myself. 

but like i said...i know better  :kiss2:



mergirl said:


> did it come across in my post like i had "ill intent" to fat chicks???
> well that certainly wasnt ment .. of course not...


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Just that people can be really emotional (and rightly so) about things that matter to them. I know I am. Stirring up conversation about a sensitive topic is a good thing, but it's hard to do in a way that doesn't scare people off.
> 
> Hell, I've not managed to figure out a good way to do it yet.


muwahahahahaha... if i scare people off then ...wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
you know..i would rather someone got pissed off and made a noise about it than felt kinna a sorta wee stirring of emotion and said nothing..
i DO play devils advocate.. and for that reason,,
i think the scary things have to be debated..
cause more often than not, the monster hanging out by your door is just and old coat... but you only can know that by turning on the light,,
xxmer


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## ripley (May 7, 2008)

There is a difference between being dissatisfied with your own fatness and hating other fat women. 

I love fat women. I wish I had a ss friend nearby that I could do things with. 

It's kinda funny, but whenever my sister is watching dog shows I root for the fat women handlers. I feel like they're "my people." 

But I reserve the right to think something someone is wearing is butt-ugly, fat or thin, lol.


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> yeah hon...it was the title i believe, but i KNOW better, though some of the other folks around here don't know ya. I think everyone is way sensitive after what happened on the other thread. If i didn't know you personally and know what a sweet FA ya are, i would be wondering myself.
> 
> but like i said...i know better  :kiss2:


oh WHOOAT?? what happened in the other thread?? i need to go put on my velma specs and investigate!!??
yeah!! i am a headline grabber!! lmao.. my first was "trusting trolls"..
i think that once people read past it.. thier hackles will be up and they will say something interesting...
perhaps my headline should have been "sometimes all sorts of humans feel insecure and that insecurity manifests itself outwardly so that they reflectivly give out negative energies to those who emulate them somehow".. 
i bet no one would have read that,,,
oooh i'm off to read the contravercial post.. and JUDGE JUDGE JUDGE!!!!! muwahahahaha
where is it?? lmao..
xxmer


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

ripley said:


> There is a difference between being dissatisfied with your own fatness and hating other fat women.
> 
> I love fat women. I wish I had a ss friend nearby that I could do things with.
> 
> ...


true.. but seriously.. i do know a lot of big women who react really negativly when they see other big women..
its horrible and sad.. and i know and hope and prey that its not true of ALL big women.. but i have seen it happen.. 
i think mainly it might be a reflection of a personal insecurity..but still..
and whoot! i LOVE dog shows.. have you seen the film "best in show"?
i soo want to go to crufts! and i shall cheer on all the underdogs.. erm..like the wee sausage ones with the tiny legs!!
xxmer


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## ripley (May 7, 2008)

Yeah, we watch Crufts every year, and a ton of American ones, from Westminster on down. There are so many fat handlers! (haha, fat handlers)


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## Waxwing (May 7, 2008)

mergirl, you are just bananas. In a really funny refreshing way. I love it.


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

ripley said:


> Yeah, we watch Crufts every year, and a ton of American ones, from Westminster on down. There are so many fat handlers! (haha, fat handlers)


muwahahaa.. i LOVE fat handlers! dog shows are great! i have a wee lab/collie cross.. i would love to take her to "scruffts" ITS A REAL THING!!! but she is really badly trained and a wee pest..but sooooo cute and i love her!
xmer


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> mergirl, you are just bananas. In a really funny refreshing way. I love it.


lmao... erm thank you.. i am kinna glad my contravercial thread had been overshadowed by that other one...erm "why are you here" or whatever it was.. i still dont get that?!
i feel like the abolition of gay weddings on 9/11.. THAT HAPPENED! i blame... erm.. the pope or someone,,,
anyway...what is that weird unprivate pm post all about... i only got to the 6th page and then my brain got twitchy and i cared for it not...
i need a summerisation!! if that is a word..
if not.. then i would love the whole dramarama to be summerised for me..
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxmer


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

erm right ..mel sent mw the lowdown..
i shall now go post.. yay!
xxmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer


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## Ruffie (May 7, 2008)

For me its because I have heard it all my life. From the age of 8, I was put on a diet, told I should be/look more like this one and that one(all thin girls). Peers made fun of me, guys danced with $5.00 bills behind their back at school dances to take the fat chick off their hands. Others asked me out in front of their peers as a joke, or if they did kinda like me for me pretended not to know me when their peers were around. As I went on to high school all the friends I had throughout Grade school and JR high droppped me cause I was the fat chick, and no longer kewl to hang with. College wasn't much better, and if had a dollar for everytime I heard "Your such a nice girl but just don't feel that way about you. I think that you are friend material not GF material." I would probably have some money for a great weekend away! In magazines, store displays, TV, Music album covers(yes I said albums I am old) I saw women who didn't look like me. I had a mother that loathed her fat body, and aunts who felt the same. I had Docs telling me how gross I was,had experiences rejected in jobs cause of my weight, and even when working in a job hassled about my weight in subtile ways. I would venture a guess that most fat women have experienced the same type of programming in their lives which contributes to the origional posters observations.
With alot of work have come to accept and like aspects of my body, own the fact that I am a fat woman and through NAAFA and Dimensions, and then through a great male friend that taught me what other men COULD see in me, I learned to appreciate my body. Do totally love my body? HELL NO! But you know I like most of the things my body can do for me, I take the approach that I can be beautiful in someones eyes(obviously been married for going on 23 yrs) and that some of the things I don't like about my body others do. With all the changes I have and am making I try to be proactive in my approach. I go out with the kids I work with(run a youth centre) in my bathing suit at the pool or beach, have modelled for local plus size clothing stores even lingerie, took nude pics of myself, and entered them in local juried art shows and most of all spoke out for fat peoples rights runnng the Canadian operatons of NAAFA. It takes time for us as fat people to undo the programming we have had for a good many years in our lives. Just as it takes time for anyone having undergone tramatic events in ther lives. Be patient with us, encourage us and support who we are and what we have gone through and we WILL get there if we want it bad enough!


Ruth 

View attachment Beach 07.jpg


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

Ruffie said:


> For me its because I have heard it all my life. From the age of 8, I was put on a diet, told I should be/look more like this one and that one(all thin girls). Peers made fun of me, guys danced with $5.00 bills behind their back at school dances to take the fat chick off their hands. Others asked me out in front of their peers as a joke, or if they did kinda like me for me pretended not to know me when their peers were around. As I went on to high school all the friends I had throughout Grade school and JR high droppped me cause I was the fat chick, and no longer kewl to hang with. College wasn't much better, and if had a dollar for everytime I heard "Your such a nice girl but just don't feel that way about you. I think that you are friend material not GF material." I would probably have some money for a great weekend away! In magazines, store displays, TV, Music album covers(yes I said albums I am old) I saw women who didn't look like me. I had a mother that loathed her fat body, and aunts who felt the same. I had Docs telling me how gross I was,had experiences rejected in jobs cause of my weight, and even when working in a job hassled about my weight in subtile ways. I would venture a guess that most fat women have experienced the same type of programming in their lives which contributes to the origional posters observations.
> With alot of work have come to accept and like aspects of my body, own the fact that I am a fat woman and through NAAFA and Dimensions, and then through a great male friend that taught me what other men COULD see in me, I learned to appreciate my body. Do totally love my body? HELL NO! But you know I like most of the things my body can do for me, I take the approach that I can be beautiful in someones eyes(obviously been married for going on 23 yrs) and that some of the things I don't like about my body others do. With all the changes I have and am making I try to be proactive in my approach. I go out with the kids I work with(run a youth centre) in my bathing suit at the pool or beach, have modelled for local plus size clothing stores even lingerie, took nude pics of myself, and entered them in local juried art shows and most of all spoke out for fat peoples rights runnng the Canadian operatons of NAAFA. It takes time for us as fat people to undo the programming we have had for a good many years in our lives. Just as it takes time for anyone having undergone tramatic events in ther lives. Be patient with us, encourage us and support who we are and what we have gone through and we WILL get there if we want it bad enough!
> 
> 
> Ruth


i hear you beautiful sistah..
and believe me, my post was comming from a deep understanding, not only through an empathy of what my bbw friends have been through but also through my own experiences of bullying and not fitting in. 
Although i have never been "fat" i was a geeky misfit and also was totally outed in a pretty rough comprehensive school and had to fight ..not only i feel to remain un battered but because i felt that I, and what and who i was, was worth fighting for.
i know that it will take some un doing to slowly break down all the negativity that surounds being fat, be it from the media, bullies, peer pressure and parental pressures.
my main point..(and i guess it has kinna been explored via the "why are you here thred in a reverse kinna way).. that i always thought there should be security in an "in group" even if it was the "out group"..
if i'm honest..it breaks my heart when my partner brings herself down all the time..
i get sad when she see's other big women on tv and says things like "she's disgusting and she looks like me"..or "why the hell is she wearing that when she is so fat".
for the last 15 years or so (with various partners) my weary reply would always be..
"you are so beautiful", "they are so beautiful" , "why shouldnt someone wear what they feel comfortable in" etc etc.. and i have been saying all these things to my current partner..
and although.. i know that she feels comfortable with me.. i know she isnt within herself..
my point.. and i know i really do play devils advocate.. is that i just dont understand,, when someone has been through so much negitivity..would they say negative things about other people for the same reason...
in hating a part of yourself (for whatever reason) you then must transfer that hatred onto others..
i understand it..
but it doesnt stop me from being really sad about it..
xmer


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## Ruffie (May 7, 2008)

Maybe its a "test " of sorts? If I say that person looks like me and I say she is fat, dresses ugly, gross or whatever I am saying it gives you permission to agree. And if you don't agree and say nice things she is for a moment reassured that you DO think she is beautiful, desirable, what you want and need in your life. If you do agree its a gotcha and what she was worried about is confirmed so she can guard her heart? dunno just a theory.
Ruth


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## mergirl (May 7, 2008)

Ruffie said:


> Maybe its a "test " of sorts? If I say that person looks like me and I say she is fat, dresses ugly, gross or whatever I am saying it gives you permission to agree. And if you don't agree and say nice things she is for a moment reassured that you DO think she is beautiful, desirable, what you want and need in your life. If you do agree its a gotcha and what she was worried about is confirmed so she can guard her heart? dunno just a theory.
> Ruth


hummm.. well no.. because when she says "she is horrible" etc etc.. and i say.. "no she is really beautiful" she says to me.."you just think that because you are weird! hmm,,
well i hope it is a kinna test.. and i hope i passed and she feels better about herself and other people..
yaaaaaaaawwwwn.. i need to snooze.. its 4am..
thank you for your wonderful posts..
xxmer


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## largenlovely (May 7, 2008)

have ya showed her this board? maybe she won't think you're so weird if she realizes there are lots of people who dig the fat girls



mergirl said:


> hummm.. well no.. because when she says "she is horrible" etc etc.. and i say.. "no she is really beautiful" she says to me.."you just think that because you are weird! hmm,,
> well i hope it is a kinna test.. and i hope i passed and she feels better about herself and other people..
> yaaaaaaaawwwwn.. i need to snooze.. its 4am..
> thank you for your wonderful posts..
> xxmer


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## sweet&fat (May 8, 2008)

mergirl said:


> listen carefully. my post is NOT ugly. it is honest and real.... i dont know what kinna lala land you live in missus but it sure aint where i live..
> The picture i'm painting for your obviously naive head isnt pretty.. these are real experiences from bbw's i know and love.
> as for my headline..or "font" as you call it?? "no one hates fat chicks but fat chicks" was obviously a pastiche, an oxymoron ..it wasnt what I thought..
> but then if people are too moronic to understand this.. then i shall shrug off thier stupid remarks like a tail when i've been captured!
> ...



font= a reservoir, in this case a metaphoric one of compassion.

and I was agreeing with you that it's unfortunate when fat women hate on other fat women. It's your histrionics I object to.


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## Fascinita (May 8, 2008)

mergirl said:


> The only people i have met who dont like fat women are fat women themselves.
> I'm not talking about "fat acceptance" in society i.e whether an employer would favour a thin person over a fat person..etc.. i'm talking about everyday scenarios and body acceptance.



How can this be true? Just the other day I was reading one of your posts where you talked about people looking at you funny when you declared that you like fat girls.

This would seem to mean that not everyone, in fact, likes fat women.

Also, have you tuned in to the developments over at the "Why Are You Here?" thread? 

I'm not sure you can play devil's advocate against an established, avowed facts.


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## Fascinita (May 8, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> mergirl, you are just bananas.



Maybe she's bananas _liqueur_, if you know what I mean? Wink-wink. Nudge-nudge.

mergirl, I agree, I generally like you. Just, mmm, if you could tone it down a notch. After reading this thread, I wondered if you'd taken your medicine for the day.  No offense, dudette.

Rock on. Good to know someone out there likes fat chicks. Just cut us a break and act like you like us. We get a lot of shit to begin with. And as people have said, there are _many_ fat women who love their bodies. _You_ just need to look for 'em and know how to catch 'em.


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## Ruby Ripples (May 8, 2008)

Mer!! Don't change a bit, don't tone down, don't take your medicine, I think its obvious you meant no offence, and any over sensitive ..people who did, well .... so what. 

You're so refreshing and fun and so very very Glaswegian, lol! My GOD How offended would some of the people here be if they were sat in a Glasgow pub just having a chat with people!


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## Fascinita (May 8, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> My GOD How offended would some of the people here be if they were sat in a Glasgow pub just having a chat with people!



hahaha! You think I'm offended! lol

No, just sitting in my room in the U.S. and responding to some crazy, likable girl's thread. That's allowed, isn't it? 

Glasgow pubs sound niiiiiiiiice. How offended some people there would be, though, if they spent a day in New York City walking around interacting with peeps! For rizzle my shizzle, yo.


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## mossystate (May 8, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> Mer!! Don't change a bit, don't tone down, don't take your medicine, I think its obvious you meant no offence, and any over sensitive ..people who did, well .... so what.
> 
> You're so refreshing and fun and so very very Glaswegian, lol! My GOD How offended would some of the people here be if they were sat in a Glasgow pub just having a chat with people!



Spirited discussion is great, as long as it does not dissolve into calling people, right off the bat, stupid and naive. Ummmm, this isn't a pub, and if it is..the service is sloooooow. I am still sitting here with an empty space where a drink should be.


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## Ruby Ripples (May 8, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> hahaha! You think I'm offended! lol
> 
> No, just sitting in my room in the U.S. and responding to some crazy, likable girl's thread. That's allowed, isn't it?
> 
> Glasgow pubs sound niiiiiiiiice. How offended some people there would be, though, if they spent a day in New York City walking around interacting with peeps! For rizzle my shizzle, yo.



It wasn't actually you I was referring to ....


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## largenlovely (May 8, 2008)

i gotta agree...i like her that way hehe



Ruby Ripples said:


> Mer!! Don't change a bit, don't tone down, don't take your medicine


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## Fascinita (May 8, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> It wasn't actually you I was referring to ....



Dude! I thought it was me who'd brought up the medicine (jokingly, of course  ). 

No. My bad. Thought you were referring to me. 

So you know, though, one of my first boyfriends was from Glasgow. 
Just saying, yo!


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## Pookie (May 8, 2008)

wow, I so want to live in the world you live in where I dont get shouted at for being a "fat bitch" "massive cow" both of which have happened in the last MONTH.


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> have ya showed her this board? maybe she won't think you're so weird if she realizes there are lots of people who dig the fat girls


haha..no. i would love her to come on the boards and have told her all about the people i have chatted to over the years...shes just not into it i totally wish she was cause i know everyone here would make her feel a lot better about herself.. plus she doesnt have internet!!!! whats that all about!! this is why i dissapear for a week at a time!! i'm so working on that though..!!
xxmer


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

sweet&fat said:


> font= a reservoir, in this case a metaphoric one of compassion.
> 
> and I was agreeing with you that it's unfortunate when fat women hate on other fat women. It's your histrionics I object to.


ahhh like a font that you put babies in in church.. ahh i see i see... erm ok,,, fair enough ..you are entitled to your oppinion..i'm not goint to argue cause i'm not drunk anymore!! lmao
xxmer


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> How can this be true? Just the other day I was reading one of your posts where you talked about people looking at you funny when you declared that you like fat girls.
> 
> This would seem to mean that not everyone, in fact, likes fat women.
> 
> ...


yawwwwn! right..of course.. there are some people who ARNT fat chicks who dont like fat chicks either.. there are skinny chicks who dont like bannanas and there are medium sized people who dislike cock...tails.. 
i shall say this only once more...
the post was about women hating themselves and being overtly critical of themselves.. 
i really couldnt give a flying fuck through a rolling doughnut what anyone thinks about my post because its what i think and its true.. and it started a discussion, which is always a good thing..
erm as for the other post ..yes i have seen it.. and i think everyone is over reacting to some stupid gossip... i can understand that people might be sensitive to what was being said but i really dont know why the hell that relates to my post!! 
anyway.. thanks for "generally" liking me.. i can now sleep at night.. i generally like me too..
xxmer


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> Dude! I thought it was me who'd brought up the medicine (jokingly, of course  ).
> 
> No. My bad. Thought you were referring to me.
> 
> ...


and btw.. are you a gangstah rapper from the ghetto? cause you sure shizzle a lot of nizzles fo shu yo!? lmao
xxmer


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> Mer!! Don't change a bit, don't tone down, don't take your medicine, I think its obvious you meant no offence, and any over sensitive ..people who did, well .... so what.
> 
> You're so refreshing and fun and so very very Glaswegian, lol! My GOD How offended would some of the people here be if they were sat in a Glasgow pub just having a chat with people!


awwww thanks ruby... i dont think i could change even if i tried! lmao..
i KNOW..haha..there is actually a pub across the road from me at the mo (i'm in partick) called the clyde valley and i swear there are people outside already drunk and having a wee argument!! and its like just after 11!! lmao..
yeah..convos in Many Glasgow pubs can be.. erm very heated and to be taken with a pinch of salt! 
i think they should open a real Glasgow pub in the states..complete with Glasgow kisses, and buckfast! lmao
xxxmer


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Pookie said:


> wow, I so want to live in the world you live in where I dont get shouted at for being a "fat bitch" "massive cow" both of which have happened in the last MONTH.


OK.... one more time everyone....
I'm not saying that fatophobia doesnt exist!!!!
help ma boab! 
my title perhaps should have been reconsidered... but i was saying that:
its awful when big women are disparaging of other big women and themselves..
i'm sorry to hear that happened to you.. it sucks..though.. YESTERDAY...
i got called "HAT" (because i was wearing a hat) SERIOUSLY!!
anyway..this is the last time i'm defending this post .... cause i think i raise a valid point..and i have explained that i am not an evil baw hell bent on making you all cry..
i am a fat rights activist actually.. and were i to have been there when you were called those names i would have used my romany curse magic opon the perputrators.. or just kicked them in the baws!
xxmer


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> Mer!! Don't change a bit, don't tone down, don't take your medicine, I think its obvious you meant no offence, and any over sensitive ..people who did, well .... so what.
> 
> You're so refreshing and fun and so very very Glaswegian, lol! My GOD How offended would some of the people here be if they were sat in a Glasgow pub just having a chat with people!


oh lmao !! seriously.. the pub debate is totally heating up!!
some heroine "chique" looking girl in a shell suit is shouting at this wee man "ive been doon the fuckin brew"! and he is all drunk and shouting too...
ahhh glasgow.. i really should work on the scottish tourist board! lmao..
erm,.what i really mean is that i am looking out my window onto lochness where nessie is eating a haggis and there is a wee man playing bagpipes.. etc etc
xmer


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## Red (May 8, 2008)

mergirl said:


> oh lmao !! seriously.. the pub debate is totally heating up!!
> some heroine "chique" looking girl in a shell suit is shouting at this wee man "ive been doon the fuckin brew"! and he is all drunk and shouting too...
> ahhh glasgow.. i really should work on the scottish tourist board! lmao..
> erm,.what i really mean is that i am looking out my window onto lochness where nessie is eating a haggis and there is a wee man playing bagpipes.. etc etc
> xmer



Sadly I cannot rep you again, but so far your input on these board has pretty much made me giggle my socks off daily. Ta very much love!


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Red said:


> Sadly I cannot rep you again, but so far your input on these board has pretty much made me giggle my socks off daily. Ta very much love!


awww..thank you.. i would rep you too but i havnt worked out how to yet!!??
glad you are giggling barefoot, tis the only way to giggle i feel!
though i fear i give some people "the rage"!!!
xxmer


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## Ruby Ripples (May 8, 2008)

mergirl said:


> oh lmao !! seriously.. the pub debate is totally heating up!!
> some heroine "chique" looking girl in a shell suit is shouting at this wee man "ive been doon the fuckin brew"! and he is all drunk and shouting too...
> ahhh glasgow.. i really should work on the scottish tourist board! lmao..
> erm,.what i really mean is that i am looking out my window onto lochness where nessie is eating a haggis and there is a wee man playing bagpipes.. etc etc
> xmer



That's no heroin chic girl, thats my pal Rhona!  I had lunch in the Clyde Valley about two years ago and was so sick afterwards that I've never been back!


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## moore2me (May 8, 2008)

mergirl said:


> if i may i would like to play devils advocate..and i'll tell you my truths, as i see them in my 29 years (nearly 30) on this planet.
> 
> The only people i have met who dont like fat women are fat women themselves.
> I'm not talking about "fat acceptance" in society i.e whether an employer would favour a thin person over a fat person..etc.. i'm talking about everyday scenarios and body acceptance..
> ...


..............


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Ruby Ripples said:


> That's no heroin chic girl, thats my pal Rhona!  I had lunch in the Clyde Valley about two years ago and was so sick afterwards that I've never been back!


hahaha..i'll tell rhona hello! oh maaahhn you actually ate the food there?? poor you!
i was in there ages ago and they had a buffett type thing over the pool table.. and i felt ill just looking at it!!
though i ended up there a few months ago and met a guy who was a "pretend fireman"!!!
which i though was very cool.. he said he would pick me up in his fire truck the next day to go for a spin ..which i though was a BRILLIANT idea after many drinks..
the next day i hear a toot toot and my mobile goes and there is this guy in a fire truck !! hahahaha.. 
it wasnt as good an idea the next day hungover to get into a strange mans firetruck!!! lmao

xmer


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

moore2me said:


> ..............


erm ..i dont know how to single out quotes ..so this might be confusing..
as for the first two comments... these are things that i have ACTUALLY heard people say.. not me generalising..
secondly..i ALWAYS compliment people..i think i was on a wee bit of a rant..and i really didnt word it all that well.. i ment that i didnt like having to pick up the pieces of the negativity of others..which totally extends to "conforming" socially because of the barrage of size negative things in magazines, tv etc..
i tell my partner how beautiful and sexy and amazing they are every single day ..probably about a hundred times more than they tell me!! lmao,, but its ok cause i freakin love myself!
erm..i dont really get what you said here:

"I thank them for raising my father to be kind and loving towards his children even tho he was fat, loved to eat, and was a good cook. The emotions of what I don't like are just too tied up with what I do like. It is extremely difficult to separate the two and even harder to separate all the degrees in between."
 
i dont get the "even tho he was fat" bit..but i'm not going to be pedantic about it..i'm sure you mean that in a positive way.. 
when you talk about the emotions of what you do and what you dont like, are you talking about your body? and that you love the way you look because it is because of your genetics but that there are still some things you dislike about your body??

sorry it was kinna unclear and i am daft.. but i really like to know how people are feeling without any misunderstandings...

xxmer


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

largenlovely said:


> i gotta agree...i like her that way hehe


oh mwah mwah mwah mellisa..!! you just think that cause your freakin nuts yerself!! haha.. what with your hamarama and piggly wigglies and the like!! hahaha you crack me up missus!
oh! i learned how to give kutos ?? cooties?? so expect yours in the post soon!! whoot!
xxmer


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

erm kudos..


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## exile in thighville (May 8, 2008)

mergirl said:


> if i may i would like to play devils advocate..and i'll tell you my truths, as i see them in my 29 years (nearly 30) on this planet.
> 
> The only people i have met who dont like fat women are fat women themselves.
> I'm not talking about "fat acceptance" in society i.e whether an employer would favour a thin person over a fat person..etc.. i'm talking about everyday scenarios and body acceptance..
> ...



the _only_ people?

oh, "i have met."

i mean, i've never met a Klansman so that racism myth's a little blown out of proportion, amirite?


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

exile in thighville said:


> the _only_ people?
> 
> oh, "i have met."
> 
> i mean, i've never met a Klansman so that racism myth's a little blown out of proportion, amirite?


stop being a silly billy..
yes.. i am talking about personal experience!! i think i explained this more than enough now.. yes yes.. i AM aware that fat hatred exists outwith the fat community..of course..
blah blah repeat repeat...
and your similie is shit by the way and not relivent at all!!
i'm talking black klansmen!! 
boo to you pee po
xxxxlove you xxx mer


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## Pookie (May 8, 2008)

> Everyone needs to hear kind words and compliments about how they look, how they behave, how they complete tasks, etc. - it's called "positive rewards" and for many of us, praise is just as valuable as food or money.



A good part of this community is being able to come in here after a shitty day and know somebody will boost you up. If you mergirl are sick of.... well, dont participate, but I will, because I know a friendly comment can change the whole way a person is feeling.

I have to say, I went to look at your profile to see your age, as you come across as a arrogant teenager, shocked to see its 29. Your blah blah doesn't help argue a point or help people understand your point of view, which I would have hoped you would want? To instigate a discussion then denouce replies as blah blahs.... well, thats not discussing.


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Pookie said:


> A good part of this community is being able to come in here after a shitty day and know somebody will boost you up. If you mergirl are sick of.... well, dont participate, but I will, because I know a friendly comment can change the whole way a person is feeling.
> 
> I have to say, I went to look at your profile to see your age, as you come across as a arrogant teenager, shocked to see its 29. Your blah blah doesn't help argue a point or help people understand your point of view, which I would have hoped you would want? To instigate a discussion then denouce replies as blah blahs.... well, thats not discussing.


yes .. it was just a joke! 
The blah blah's were because i have had to go over the same point about 5 times in this one post.
i think people have just read the opening post and replied.
i am all about positive re enforcement.. and will build anyone up if they are feeling shitty or sad..
not sure you are of the same ilk though as "arrogant teenager" is hardly a compliment! lmao.. but then you really dont know me...so it worries me not what you think..

xmer


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## Pookie (May 8, 2008)

you are obviously having loads of fun stirring people up, so I dont feel the need to praise you for that no...


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Pookie said:


> you are obviously having loads of fun stirring people up, so I dont feel the need to praise you for that no...


i wasnt trying to stir people up. i was sharing my oppinion.. and if people want to give me a hard time for that then i'm not going to shrink away in a corner and take it!
i have never personally attacked you! you say i sound like an arogant teenager and then looked at my profile.. well i looked at yours you dont say your age but collecting my little ponies makes you sound younger than my "teenager"!! lmao.. unless you are a furry of course.. which i suspect you are!

xxmer


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## Pookie (May 8, 2008)

Your suspicious are totally groundless and incorrect, you have a sexual preferance outside the norm... going to start ragging on everything else outside that now? And another case on point of needing to grow up... OMGEEE I TINK SHE TEH FURRY...

Is causing people to argue with you fun? It seems you feel that way. You started an obviously inflammatory post, you dont have to sit back and take anything, but why start unless all you wanted was an argument and to put aside the actual discussion?


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Pookie said:


> Your suspicious are totally groundless and incorrect, you have a sexual preferance outside the norm... going to start ragging on everything else outside that now? And another case on point of needing to grow up... OMGEEE I TINK SHE TEH FURRY...
> 
> Is causing people to argue with you fun? It seems you feel that way. You started an obviously inflammatory post, you dont have to sit back and take anything, but why start unless all you wanted was an argument and to put aside the actual discussion?


hu? that was a joke! about my little ponies.. but i think you doth protest too much! seriously it was a joke!! jeeze.. i wouldnt rag on anyone for thier sexual preference.. i know a whole load of people who have all sorts of sexualities.. whats wrong with furries that you got so anoyed because i said you were one? its like homophobes who get angry when people think they are gay!
this post WASNT ment to be inflamatory! really.. it was a topic and observation i though was interesting.. 
now you are telling me to "grow up"! lol..
seriously.. come now..
maby the title of my post on retrospect could have been worded more articulatly.. but i think the eccence of what i was saying was real and correct to me. i was sharing my real life experiences ... i think its sad that big women can be disparaging of other big women but i understand the reasons, implications and psychology behind this..
really.. i wanted to hear about other peoples experiences.. and thoughts ..i didnt want to make anyone angry.. and if you read the rest of the posts i think that will be better explained...
lol..really i wasnt making any "accusations" about your sexuality... it was just a joke.. 
hmm.. 

xmer


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## Pookie (May 8, 2008)

Nothing is wrong, which is why I was annoyed at you using it as an insult. Hence the need to grow up about it because I dont feel this board is a place where anybody has the right to use different forms of sexual interests as a form of insult. 

If you want a serious discussion, then respond a little more seriously. Its nigh on impossible to tell with your posts wether you are being a total bitch or a half hearted joke... your comments had bothered me, so I took it as being a bitch. The lols and lmaos seem so sarcastic, but having spent years living in Ayr I know the sarcastic caustic sense of 'humour' prevalent there... maybe they are not.

You could have worded things better, and been taken more seriously, perhaps brought up a discussion worth having about self image. But I know I am not alone in wondering WTF you are going on about and why it needs to be said in such stirring ways. And dismissing with discussion doesnt lend to people wanting to share genuine points.


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Pookie said:


> Nothing is wrong, which is why I was annoyed at you using it as an insult. Hence the need to grow up about it because I dont feel this board is a place where anybody has the right to use different forms of sexual interests as a form of insult.
> 
> If you want a serious discussion, then respond a little more seriously. Its nigh on impossible to tell with your posts wether you are being a total bitch or a half hearted joke... your comments had bothered me, so I took it as being a bitch. The lols and lmaos seem so sarcastic, but having spent years living in Ayr I know the sarcastic caustic sense of 'humour' prevalent there... maybe they are not.
> 
> You could have worded things better, and been taken more seriously, perhaps brought up a discussion worth having about self image. But I know I am not alone in wondering WTF you are going on about and why it needs to be said in such stirring ways. And dismissing with discussion doesnt lend to people wanting to share genuine points.


oh cool! my girlfriend lives in ayr.. maby thats why i seem to have an air of sarcasm about me! lol
you are right.. i could have/should have worded things a whole lot better.. i was venting.. and all my points got overshadowed my being not very eloquent at all..
probs the reason i have had to try to explain myself properly in subsequent posts!
i have totally taken on board what you have said.. and again.. i really didnt want to cause offence.. i really DO need to think through what i write before i write it! 
i forget that people dont know me here... and the people i do know.. KNOW that i ramble a whole lot of crap that is in my head!
i really wasnt trying to insult you by saying i suspected you were a furry! it was another case of my humour being misinterprated! 
i really do appreciate genuine thoughts and feelings on the matter.. 
i have learned my lesson,, that my humour doesnt really translate online AT ALL!
i'm really not a bitchy person.. i just have a very dry sense of humour..
i'm sorry..

xmer


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## Pookie (May 8, 2008)

Its cool, apology accepted and appreciated.

And glad you can take it on board even though I did get pissy about it as well, I think about it more and I would have had decent comments to bring up about my personal self image and such, but it really was overshadowed by being irritated, which is a shame, because it is a discussion point worth discussing.

In general sarcasm works... well doesnt work for toffee online, so I do apprecaite the apology and explaining you where not out to upset or offend with it. I know I often take the time before clicking post to read back over what stuff I wrote and see how things can be mistaken or are flat out nonsense.


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Pookie said:


> Its cool, apology accepted and appreciated.
> 
> And glad you can take it on board even though I did get pissy about it as well, I think about it more and I would have had decent comments to bring up about my personal self image and such, but it really was overshadowed by being irritated, which is a shame, because it is a discussion point worth discussing.
> 
> In general sarcasm works... well doesnt work for toffee online, so I do apprecaite the apology and explaining you where not out to upset or offend with it. I know I often take the time before clicking post to read back over what stuff I wrote and see how things can be mistaken or are flat out nonsense.


god..i REALLY need to re read before i post! i really will in future!
maby i should start a new thread..which doesnt make me sound like a complete wanky idiot, because i do think its a valid issue too.. which i totally ruined by blustering in and going off on a stupid rant! 
i actually cringed when i read it back because so many of the things i said i realise could be SO misenterprated! gah!
thanks for giving me a second chance.. if i hadnt used up all my rep points for today i would have given you one for being such an understanding furry!! lmao..(is it too soon?)
love and light xxmer


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## Ruffie (May 8, 2008)

Mer my Grandfather came from Ayr. He was the police Chief there before immigrating to Canada to be Deputy Warden at our Pennetentary. I was a Wyllie before I got married.
Ruth


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## mergirl (May 8, 2008)

Ruffie said:


> Mer my Grandfather came from Ayr. He was the police Chief there before immigrating to Canada to be Deputy Warden at our Pennetentary. I was a Wyllie before I got married.
> Ruth


oh cool! its a small world and all that!! wyllie! such a scottish name! lol 
xmer


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## katorade (May 20, 2008)

I don't think a lot of people meant to take your OP as offensive, mer, but were dumbfounded at the fact that personal experiences differ so much from their own. I'm sure everyone knows that you didn't mean ONLY fat women hate other fat women, but I can only gather that every single fat woman in this thread can list at least a dozen instances in their life that they've been confronted by people who are absolutely disgusted by fat people and are not afraid to show it. 

It just came off as a bit naive (no offense intended). I could almost hear a collective "are you KIDDING me?" from the board as I was reading your first post. It wasn't quite like the KKK example posted earlier in this thread, but it was more like an upper class white girl from Vermont saying that racism doesn't exist in the US any more because she hasn't heard someone say "******" (excuse my french) other than other black people. If you could imagine how ridiculous a black person from...say...Texas would think that statement was, it's kind of how I, personally, felt reading your OP. I don't think I'm alone. I wasn't offended, just thinking "are you kidding me? Do you go outside? Have you ever been fat?"

I have had people SCREAM derogatory remarks at me out of car windows as I was simply walking down the sidewalk. I even had some kids yell "free willy!" at me as I was EXERCISING. I have been witness to DOZENS of threads on message boards that spew nothing but pure hatred for fat people with reasons WHY. I have even had a guy tell me that he instantly stopped liking me because I turned out to be fat (online blind date, even though I TOLD him I was fat). It's not a kind world out there.


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## olwen (May 20, 2008)

Mer, I'm starting to seriously think I need a scots to english dictionary to read your posts sometimes. But stil your posts are refreshing sometimes too.

My two cents:

As I read thru this thread I thought about my own body mindset evolution, which has gone something like this:

"why doesn't he like my body?" 

"He _likes _my body???" 

"_How _can he like my body?" 

"I can't believe he likes my body." 

"Wow, he actually _likes _my body."

"He loves my body." 

"He better fucking love my body." 

"If he doesn't like my body he's a fucking wank hole, and I should rip off his head and piss down his neck."

"I love my body who cares if he doesn't because somebody else will."

"I like my body."

"I love my body. Fuck you if you don't."

Mer, look at all the steps it took me to get to "I love my body," and I didn't even start with I hate my body. Are there parts of my body I would change? Sure. I have a love/hate relationship with my hair, and I wish I had prettier feet. But most people want to change something even if it's a small thing. Ya just gotta have patience with people who don't like themselves and don't give up elevating us fatties. There was a moment when it hit me that some guy thought I was beautiful and sexy and it went a long way to helping me see that about myself, and I'm grateful he was there to show me that, but he didn't use words so much as he did in the way he touched me or looked at me. I saw my beauty in his eyes - literally. ...Maybe talk less and touch more and your partners might start to believe they are actually beautiful.


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## mergirl (May 21, 2008)

olwen said:


> Mer, I'm starting to seriously think I need a scots to english dictionary to read your posts sometimes. But stil your posts are refreshing sometimes too.
> 
> My two cents:
> 
> ...


I cant keep my hands off my partner!! really ..she has to beat me off with a shitty stick!! 
When i said i was tired of reasuring people.. i just ment that ..its a shame that some people are at that level of insecurity..
I worded this post really badly... but what i actually ment is that..
in my experience fat women can be really disparaging to other fat women. Self deprication is of course sad but its the second level that i dont like.. where big women start slagging off other big women..and say stuf like "why the fuck is SHE wearing that??" etc etc.. there is no point relaying the negitivity! .. It might just be a personal experience, but none of my thin friends have EVER talked about fat people that way... ONLY my fat friends! its weird...
anyway partner -me- grope- shitty stick!! lmao

xxmer


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## superodalisque (May 21, 2008)

Mergirl again! I LOVE YOU!!!!! i've been saying this same thing for ages but not so clearly. 

in my "ordinary life i very seldom have anyone say anything or do anything negatively toward me because of my fat. if anything its helped people to remember me. its been a good tool for business etc...

i've run into the i'm proud of being a bbw but i hate my body scenario as well. along with all of the complaints about what one can't wear or what one shouldn't do because one is fat. one incident i remember clearly was when i was in vegas one year. one un-named web model was there. she is a very beautiful woman. lovely shape and all of that. but i heard the nastiest comments floating around me through the air about her. meanwhile she had the confidence to walk around amongst thin folk and got a lot of approving glances from them. she was a really good ambassador for bbws i think. but all i heard from us was " she doesn't look that good. did you see her thighs? look a all of those burst capillaries etc..."

i think a lot of the so called "confidence" here is a lot of false bravado put on to attract FAs. then later the FAs feel betrayed because they find she is not so confident and is even entertaining thoughts of WLS--and not because of health. i'm not saying WLS is a bad thing but i think that if i were an FA i would feel i had been led down the garden path. i think its okay to say that you really are torn when it comes to whether you want to be fat or thin. but, there are a lot of people who really hate being fat and present a whole other public image. i don't think its fair to make yourself and your entire life into a lie like that. its unfair to an FA and unfair to yourself. even though i don't think its a good thing to do i understand why some FAs tell the people they are with that they will leave if they lose the weight. if i had gone through a lot of the emotional flip flopping they have had to with a person i was serious about i might get a little harsh myself. i think a ton of people need to get real and try to learn to love themselves instead of honing their entire life to net a partner anyway. 

also, the worst thing i have seen is how bbws treat bhms. the double standard is sickening. bhms have have a lot of issues to deal with too. but do they get any support from bbws? not much. just a whole lot of people saying how they aren't attracted to bhms. is that really necessary? no. but thats also an expression of the self hatred. it comes with a repetition of the oft heralded steretypes that people have about bbws. you can't have sex with them. they aren't handsome. they aren't really men. the very same things said about bbws coming from our own mouths. even if bhms aren't your thing , what good does it really do to say so in such a hard hearted way? maybe the old rule still applies. if you cant say something nice... also bbws complain about not having anyone to dance with or talk to at dances. why are you leaving the bhms alone at the table? even if it wouldn't be a blossoming romance why not make a friend. it might be nice to have someone of the opposite sex who shares your own physical and emotional interests. why not look to give instead of only take? i have news bhms have feelings just like we do. but i think a lot of bbws are just as ashamed of bhms as we claim people are of us. what does that say about us? maybe they can't imagine they are a thin woman if they are looking at someone else's fat. 

i also get sick of hearing all of the negative talk. it doesn't mean that i don't understand where some of it is coming from or even sympathize. but, sometimes i really wish more energy was applied toward real self acceptance and not just the appearance of it in order to get a guy etc... no one is going to accept you if you can't accept yourself anyway. thank you for the opportunity to join your rant

PS: this idea that you were saying that only fat women hate other fat women--i think people knew better. as usual in order to change the focus of what is really going on they want to put it back onto thin people. i noticed that here in the forums people are very adept at turning the argument away from things they are afraid to face and deal with. nothing can ever really be up to us and under our control. we always seek to be the one who is the victim. we never want to see how, at times, we might be the biggest villans of them all. 

and while i'm at it i want to say i want to lose all of the "skinny bitch" talk. it does nothing for us anyway except to make us look small weak and scared.

the acceptance movement needs to be a self acceptance movement first foremost and always


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## ashmamma84 (May 21, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> Mergirl again! I LOVE YOU!!!!! i've been saying this same thing for ages but not so clearly.
> 
> in my "ordinary life i very seldom have anyone say anything or do anything negatively toward me because of my fat. if anything its helped people to remember me. its been a good tool for business etc...
> 
> ...



As usual, brilliant brilliant post! I have found my fat to be a positive experience and I haven't received poor treatment because of it - this doesn't mean that there isn't discrimination...but I think the forces from within the fat community can be more damaging. 

Isn't it awful how women tear each other down? And for what? I also feel like there is a sort of feeling of anger and contention among bbws and ssbbws; even from reading posts sometimes it's there blaring and it's not okay. It deepens the divide when there shouldn't be - aren't we all fat?


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## superodalisque (May 21, 2008)

mergirl said:


> I cant keep my hands off my partner!! really ..she has to beat me off with a shitty stick!!
> When i said i was tired of reasuring people.. i just ment that ..its a shame that some people are at that level of insecurity..
> I worded this post really badly... but what i actually ment is that..
> in my experience fat women can be really disparaging to other fat women. Self deprication is of course sad but its the second level that i dont like.. where big women start slagging off other big women..and say stuf like "why the fuck is SHE wearing that??" etc etc.. there is no point relaying the negitivity! .. It might just be a personal experience, but none of my thin friends have EVER talked about fat people that way... ONLY my fat friends! its weird...
> ...



stick to your guns. you did a great job. its your opinion and you shouldn't have to apologize for how you feel. too much backing down aroud here anyway


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## olwen (May 21, 2008)

mergirl said:


> I cant keep my hands off my partner!! really ..she has to beat me off with a shitty stick!!
> When i said i was tired of reasuring people.. i just ment that ..its a shame that some people are at that level of insecurity..
> I worded this post really badly... but what i actually ment is that..
> in my experience fat women can be really disparaging to other fat women. Self deprication is of course sad but its the second level that i dont like.. where big women start slagging off other big women..and say stuf like "why the fuck is SHE wearing that??" etc etc.. there is no point relaying the negitivity! .. It might just be a personal experience, but none of my thin friends have EVER talked about fat people that way... ONLY my fat friends! its weird...
> ...




Do your thin friends say stuff like that about other thin people?


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## olwen (May 21, 2008)

While the last few posts were eloquent and make very good points a few thoughts passed thru my head.

Part of the reason for so much contention is that while tho we are all fat, those other differences: gender, sexual preference, 50lbs to 200lbs+, how long a person has been fat, and positive influences can drastically change ones quality of life. Obviously. But let's not forget the psychological aspects at play. If you've been shit on your whole life, it's kind of hard to see past the shit pile at your feet. Everything gets to be shit colored. Meaning, we become embittered, frustrated and angry, withdrawn, and all whatever armor we feel we need to protect us from more shit.

What's then needed is for someone to come around and sanitize us. Superodalisque, your post really made me think and I thank you for being so eloquent and clear. I rep you. But at the same time, I feel like you should be one of those people walking around with the sanitizer. See what I mean? Screaming bloody murder makes people see the mess on the floor, but then what? Breeding tolerance seems like a billion dollar operation involving lots of high tech instruments and a billion billion manhours....eh, what I'm trying to say is, perhaps if we understood where the animosity from within was coming from it would go a long way to helping end it.


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## butch (May 25, 2008)

Maybe I'm blind, naive, I don't know, but I don't hang around with women who need to focus on tearing down other women, fat or thin, in order to feel good about themselves, and it always surprises me to see how common this dynamic is in other women's lives.

I also bristle when these types of things are labeled as things 'women' do (or fat women, for that matter). Don't some men do this too, or variations of this, as it seems more of a human weakness to tear down others to deal with one's own insecurites then it seems to be a singularly 'womanly' thing to do. I think we all at times resort to this type of behavior, and many of us usually regret it, but then ones who do it as sport, who don't think there's something wrong with this behavior, I think, are people I try to avoid, and I also think those people are just as likely to be men as women, its only that the methods may be different.


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## Waxwing (May 25, 2008)

butch said:


> Maybe I'm blind, naive, I don't know, but I don't hang around with women who need to focus on tearing down other women, fat or thin, in order to feel good about themselves, and it always surprises me to see how common this dynamic is in other women's lives.



Unfortunately we are, to a much greater extent than men, raised to believe that our physical attractiveness supercedes everything else about us. And while this may not come from our parents, we do get it incessantly from external sources. 

I can intellectually know that my looks don't matter at all when it comes to who I am, but that doesn't change the visceral, instinctive desire to be "pretty". And as much as I hate the trait in myself, I do sometimes judge myself in relation to other women based on looks alone. I think that a lot of us do that, even though we're not proud of it.

It's also a cheap and easy insult when you feel like you're not as good. "Well, she's ugly" is an irrational and stupid thing to think, but it comes up unbidden, and you find yourself mentally tearing down someone's fashion choice when what's really going on is that you feel inferior.


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## olwen (May 25, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> Unfortunately we are, to a much greater extent than men, raised to believe that our physical attractiveness supercedes everything else about us. And while this may not come from our parents, we do get it incessantly from external sources.
> 
> I can intellectually know that my looks don't matter at all when it comes to who I am, but that doesn't change the visceral, instinctive desire to be "pretty". And as much as I hate the trait in myself, I do sometimes judge myself in relation to other women based on looks alone. I think that a lot of us do that, even though we're not proud of it.
> 
> It's also a cheap and easy insult when you feel like you're not as good. "Well, she's ugly" is an irrational and stupid thing to think, but it comes up unbidden, and you find yourself mentally tearing down someone's fashion choice when what's really going on is that you feel inferior.



You know, this is a good point. But sometimes an ugly garment is an ugly garment. I have to wonder a)what made the designer make such a thing and b)what possessed a woman to actually buy it?


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## Waxwing (May 25, 2008)

olwen said:


> You know, this is a good point. But sometimes an ugly garment is an ugly garment. I have to wonder a)what made the designer make such a thing and b)what possessed a woman to actually buy it?



a) cruel joke to see how stupid they can make us look.

b) fell for the joke.


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## olwen (May 25, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> a) cruel joke to see how stupid they can make us look.
> 
> b) fell for the joke.



LOL. Oh the humanity.


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## revolutionman (May 26, 2008)

> anyway..men love curves! its evolution



This is true of many men. However curves doesnt always mean fat. While surely there is some fat involved, height, weight distribution and bone structure really have more to do with it than fat. I've seen some chicks look terrible at 170, and others who look totally fking yummy at 170. My last GF was like 110lbs after a big meal and she had curves, because of the specific way in which her body stored what little fat she had. but then there is a certain point where *IMHO* fat begins to work against curves. i think that starts when curves become folds. But I dont wanna screw with anyones body image so i'm not gonna go into it in depth.


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## mergirl (May 26, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> stick to your guns. you did a great job. its your opinion and you shouldn't have to apologize for how you feel. too much backing down aroud here anyway


In my orgional post i suppose i did want to play devils advocate so my heading was i realise pretty inflamitory.. sort of like a newspaper headline or something! i Really wasnt meaning that there is no fat'o phobes in the thin world or in society in general. I wasnt being naive as someone said, because i have witnessed first hand people being shit to my fat friends,,(and they have witnessed my razor tounge in return). but, i have noticed for a LONG time that it seems that the most bitchy things i have heard being said about big women (about thier size) have been from big women. Yes i have had thin friends bitch about other thin friends but never about thier size..
(i'm kinna trying to answer everyone here all at once! lol)
i realised that some people took what i was saying the wrong way.. and its NEVER my intention to hurt people..so i tried to explain myself a bit more clearly.. i dont take back what i say though about big women being thier own worst enemies when it comes to support and size acceptance.. maby not so much on these boards which can be an encouraging and supporting network. I was talking about my real life experiences.
excellent post super..
xxmer


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## mergirl (May 26, 2008)

btw superodalisque.. this was my favorite bit..


"PS: this idea that you were saying that only fat women hate other fat women--i think people knew better. as usual in order to change the focus of what is really going on they want to put it back onto thin people. i noticed that here in the forums people are very adept at turning the argument away from things they are afraid to face and deal with. nothing can ever really be up to us and under our control. we always seek to be the one who is the victim. we never want to see how, at times, we might be the biggest villans of them all. 

and while i'm at it i want to say i want to lose all of the "skinny bitch" talk. it does nothing for us anyway except to make us look small weak and scared.

the acceptance movement needs to be a self acceptance movement first foremost and always"


I did actually wonder why people were taking such exception to the proposal that fat peoples biggest critics can be other fat people.. but i think that its a hard and bitter pill to swallow, which can involve looking at the way you see and treat other fat people and the way you feel about yourself..and if its not always favorably then..its a scary thing to admit to on a size acceptance board..

xmer


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## olwen (May 26, 2008)

revolutionman said:


> This is true of many men. However curves doesnt always mean fat. While surely there is some fat involved, height, weight distribution and bone structure really have more to do with it than fat. I've seen some chicks look terrible at 170, and others who look totally fking yummy at 170. My last GF was like 110lbs after a big meal and she had curves, because of the specific way in which her body stored what little fat she had. but then there is a certain point where* IMHO fat begins to work against curves. i think that starts when curves become folds. But I dont wanna screw with anyones body image so i'm not gonna go into it in depth.*



News flash - folds make even more curves my dear. Not to mention all the yummy things someone can do to them. Be careful how you tread on this one. You do know where you're posting right? Yeah, it's your opinion and you're entitled to it, but think of all the people you'd be pissing off rather than all the people you think will cry in the corner over such a comment. Such a negative attitude in a place that celebrates fat won't be welcome.


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## Tina (May 26, 2008)

revolutionman said:


> but then there is a certain point where *IMHO* fat begins to work against curves. i think that starts when curves become folds. But I dont wanna screw with anyones body image so i'm not gonna go into it in depth.


LOL Like you have the ability to screw with my body image. 

Please, don't assume you have that kind of power. Rather than screw with body images, such remarks serve to show the person/poster/you is insensitive, not powerful.


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## revolutionman (May 26, 2008)

> LOL Like you have the ability to screw with my body image.



The way people overreacted to my posts in the other thread, I just figured I'd tread light, like the the one called olwen suggested. I don't think everyone here is quite as well adjusted as you are. I'm not interested in upsetting anyone else.



> News flash - folds make even more curves my dear. Not to mention all the yummy things someone can do to them. Be careful how you tread on this one. You do know where you're posting right? Yeah, it's your opinion and you're entitled to it, but think of all the people you'd be pissing off rather than all the people you think will cry in the corner over such a comment. Such a negative attitude in a place that celebrates fat won't be welcome.



i wasn't saying anything bad about fat, I'm just saying curvey and fat are not synonymous. 



> folds make even more curves my dear.



thats your opinion and your certainly entitled to it, but I'm not sure everyone feels that way.


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## olwen (May 26, 2008)

curvy and fat are not synonymous???????? Are you insane? You can't have curves without fat. Last time I checked even skinny women can't have an hourglass shape without fat on their hips.

Once again, you do know where you're posting right? I don't think most posters or lurkers here would share your opinion. If you don't like other people's fat or even your own fat then why are you here? You've made so many anti-fat comments....clearly you haven't taken in the message of acceptance available in abundance here. I suggest you check yourself.


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## revolutionman (May 26, 2008)

> You've made so many anti-fat comments



thats fantasy

I've made a lot of comments, some can be construed as negative, but I never made any anti fat comments.

I'm amazed to see people who want to be respected as they are, be so intolerant of some one with differing oppinions.


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## olwen (May 26, 2008)

I acknowledged that you were entitled to your opinions. You don't seem to be the one acknowledging mine or the other good folks here who would agree with me and not you. Context is everything and I don't think you're taking that into consideration. The fact that you've had the mods tell you to cool it speaks volumes. For the last time remember where you are before you post.


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## revolutionman (May 26, 2008)

my opinion doesn't change from one message board to another. Your entitled not to agree, but people here seem to WANT to make me out as some terrible villain.


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## mossystate (May 26, 2008)

revolutionman said:


> my opinion doesn't change from one message board to another. Your entitled not to agree, but people here seem to WANT to make me out as some terrible villain.



Have to say, as I eat some leftover picnic potato chips that might contribute to my curv..errr..folds, I do not think you are a terrible villain. Villains tend to be, *IMHO*, more...interesting...in how they want to school people with their insights and the pressure they apply to their students/targets. They are nasty types, who bring out great fear and anguish.

You only have me here..eating tater chips and going " hmm...*crunch*...another one....hmmmm..yup....okie dokie "

You want to be seen as a villain..but...nah.


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## Santaclear (May 26, 2008)

revolutionman said:


> my opinion doesn't change from one message board to another. Your entitled not to agree, but people here seem to WANT to make me out as some terrible villain.



Being a terrible villain takes work - real work. That means a lot of posting, more posts than you've made so far. I really think you're being oversensitive about this, especially in regard to the folds and curves.


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## Pearalicious (May 26, 2008)

I just recently have noticed more than ever that one of my friends really has hate towards other fat women... 

We were out lastnight - and there was this beautiful women who was probably a size 20/22 - and she was wearing really tight jeans and a tight sweater. I thought she looked amazing in what she was wearing... My friend said something about her outfit being too tight. I said - "I think she looks great in it".. and she was like - yeah... but it'd look better if it was a size bigger. 

I think its just jealously. She's seeing someone thats bigger and confident in themselves.. and instead of seeing that as a good thing - she has to cut them down. I just don't understand that... For me - I'm all about giving credit where credits due. 

But yeah... thats all I gotta say about that... 

As for fat women hating their own bodies... Everyone's different... I think a lot of women always find something that they'd like to change about themselves. For me... I've always wanted bigger breasts... but I'm happy with what I've got... plus I think my big ass makes up for it  

Anyways - I'm rambling... 
~Paige~


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## Wagimawr (May 26, 2008)

I was sorely tempted today to tell our little revolutionary to head somewhere the likes of Curvage (in regards to the majority of their members' attitudes to SSBBWs) and leave the real FAT admirers to us Dimensioners.

Sorely.

I know it's not quite in the spirit of Dimensions, and I could be regarded as *such* a hypocrite for doing so, but eh.


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## mergirl (May 27, 2008)

crivens! what happened to my wee post!! (that i can hardly remember actually posting now) It has metamorphisised..tangents are good sometimes but i always forget the point! lmao..
curves , folds and ripples are all wonderful. full stop! (=period=menstruation).
Anyway..here is a sample convo between me and my partner from the other night:

mer- wow she is a really sexy woman, though obviously you are much hotter (i have to add that at the end or i get an evil stare).

mermaiden (the made up on the spot name for my partner at this time)-what? no way..she looks awful (add a shit load of derogatory things about fat chicks) etc etc ..(also i have stopped listening so it goes ..blah.."folds" blah..something "clothes"..

mer-thats really a horrible thing to say about another woman. 

mermadden(name change) well, seriously how the fuck can you think "she" is attractive?

mer- (putting on psychology hat) well because...(and then i list off all the sexy beautiful things about big women in general)

merd-thats just because you have a fat fetish!

mer-(yawn) hmm well that makes me feel a bit insecure seeing ive gained weight since we have been seeing each other and you seem to hate curvy women so much.

mermaiden-i still fancy you, but i wouldnt if you were my size.

mer-well maby i will and we will see what happenes!! so you would break up with me if i was your size?

mermad-well i wouldnt break up with you, but we would fuck in the dark! (this bit was kind of joking cause the whole convo was begining to get rediculous)

anyway.. anytime my g/f see's big women on the street she will say something disparaging...
IF this was ANYONE else making those comments i wouldnt even ever want to speak to them let alone have them in my life.. but because i am forced to engage my "psychology hat" i reason that perhaps some of the reasons she is like that is because she doesnt like her own body and is transferring a lot of her own negative issues onto other women.. Still tis horrible.. and i always call her up on the fact when she is being mean to others.. 
She is horrible to herself too.. which is so heart crippling sad for me..and all i can really do about that is reasure her in any way i can most of the day and night..
anyway..
curves are good for tracing the edges of someone but you havn't lived if you have never felt the delicious envelopment of a partners folds! (my oppinion of course..i realise some just like the curve part..and i'm not going to be a body conture fashist! lmao)

xmer


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## JMNYC (May 27, 2008)

Appreciate your stance, but working in a male-dominated field of media, I have to say the amount of fat-chick bashing---from men WITH HUGE HANGING BELLIES THEMSELVES---is fairly rife.

Such that I was moved to write about a particularly egregious fellow, who is now one of my best pals---

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/06/22/big_love/


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## mergirl (May 27, 2008)

JMNYC said:


> Appreciate your stance, but working in a male-dominated field of media, I have to say the amount of fat-chick bashing---from men WITH HUGE HANGING BELLIES THEMSELVES---is fairly rife.
> 
> Such that I was moved to write about a particularly egregious fellow, who is now one of my best pals---
> 
> http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/06/22/big_love/


Great article! Yes its funny..i was watching an episode of a U.K comedy show called "The royal family" yesterday, which is really funny. One of the main characters is a fat guy who always makes comments about how terrible it is that the girl next door to them is chubby. The irony is funny, of course its ment to be in that context but i know that there will be many portly chaps who will think nothing of the double standards of thier own horrible comments about fat women. 

mer


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## olwen (May 28, 2008)

Wagimawr said:


> I was sorely tempted today to tell our little revolutionary to head somewhere the likes of Curvage (in regards to the majority of their members' attitudes to SSBBWs) and leave the real FAT admirers to us Dimensioners.
> 
> Sorely.
> 
> I know it's not quite in the spirit of Dimensions, and I could be regarded as *such* a hypocrite for doing so, but eh.



You know, I'm all for people having their own opinions about what they are attracted to. Human sexual urges and desires are way too complicated to reduce us all to just a set of numbers. I get that not all guys are going to like ssbbw's or any bbw's over 200lbs. That is their preference. I'm fine with that now, for there was a time when I wasn't. It's been a hard road to acceptance, and I'm glad I do. 

I don't want to be with a bhm with more rolls than me. That is my preference, but I don't try to trash talk about any bhm who does. I don't expect to hear or want to hear that kind of trash talk about what anybody doesn't like either, especially from some young newbie punk who tries to start trouble and displays little respect like this de-evolutionman.


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## olwen (May 28, 2008)

mergirl said:


> crivens! what happened to my wee post!! (that i can hardly remember actually posting now) It has metamorphisised..tangents are good sometimes but i always forget the point! lmao..
> curves , folds and ripples are all wonderful. full stop! (=period=menstruation).
> Anyway..here is a sample convo between me and my partner from the other night:
> 
> ...




You know what Mergirl, not so long ago I was one of those fat hating fat chicks, but in reverse. I just couldn't see how any woman who weighs less than 200lbs could be called fat or consider themselves fat or even deign to put themselves into the same category of fatness I am in. I just assumed any smaller size fat girl must have an eating disorder or some such thing. 

It would just make so flipping angry to see how some woman couldn't see that she didn't have to go thru life in a way that I did, and I just knew that she had no idea what it was like to live in a super sized body and that if she did she'd shut the fuck up and appreciate what she does have or rather what she doesn't have to go thru. I was angry becaue I was also jealous and baffled by how a woman that size couldn't see how beautiful she was or how delicious or how an average guy would choose her over me. I'd never been that size as an adult and so I felt cheated and shit on by the universe. It never occurred to me that a woman that size might have once been my size or maybe never weighed so much and isn't happy about it, or if they were taking medicine that made them gain or any other imaginable reason. When I think back on it now I realize my thinking didn't really make any fucking sense, and that it spoke more to my own lack of confidence than it did about theirs. 

Part of what helped me get over that was coming here and reading posts of the women who do weigh less than 200lbs and realizing they go thru their own troubles and have their own demons to deal with, and who the hell was I to try to take that away from them or devalue their experiences? I can't believe I used to think like that, and even tho it was around the time I joined Dims it seems like years ago....

So if I could change my mind about that then maybe there's hope for all the nonbelievers too


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## mergirl (May 28, 2008)

olwen said:


> You know what Mergirl, not so long ago I was one of those fat hating fat chicks, but in reverse. I just couldn't see how any woman who weighs less than 200lbs could be called fat or consider themselves fat or even deign to put themselves into the same category of fatness I am in. I just assumed any smaller size fat girl must have an eating disorder or some such thing.
> 
> It would just make so flipping angry to see how some woman couldn't see that she didn't have to go thru life in a way that I did, and I just knew that she had no idea what it was like to live in a super sized body and that if she did she'd shut the fuck up and appreciate what she does have or rather what she doesn't have to go thru. I was angry becaue I was also jealous and baffled by how a woman that size couldn't see how beautiful she was or how delicious or how an average guy would choose her over me. I'd never been that size as an adult and so I felt cheated and shit on by the universe. It never occurred to me that a woman that size might have once been my size or maybe never weighed so much and isn't happy about it, or if they were taking medicine that made them gain or any other imaginable reason. When I think back on it now I realize my thinking didn't really make any fucking sense, and that it spoke more to my own lack of confidence than it did about theirs.
> 
> ...


Right olwen, i hope so. I do think that educating people about size acceptance can help them understand that they are beautiful. Its weird that a lot of bbws/bhms and fa's even dont really know places like Dimensions exist. 
Though, by your own admission you were a fat chick hating fat chick (fat amount is neither here nor there) and it was through insecurities of your own that you felt that way. This was the intital point i was making. Then through meeting people on here, listening to other peoples stories you changed your oppinion and realised that everyone has thier own demons. This is why i was careful to say in my real life experience of big women as there have been a few bbws here who are very supportive about each other. Though i have no experence of any of the "bashes" and from what super-o (my new name for her as she is my new superhero! lol) said there can be quite a lot of jelously and hate pertaining to fat amongst the women there.. maby its just a bitchy thing in general..but i think its sad that in the very places you go to for attention and acceptance you can be met with bitchyness and rejection.
i'm glad your ideas were changed and your feelings of anoyance turned into acceptance. Its a positive thing and it does give me some feelings of hope.

xmer


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## Renaissance Woman (May 28, 2008)

Mer, sounds like you need to get your girlfriend to start lurking here. Maybe it will help change her mind about herself. I know it helped to improve my own self-image.

As far as cutting other fat women down, after attending the Memorial Day Bash this weekend, I didn't experience that once. In fact, it was the exact opposite--I heard/gave/received comments along the lines of "Good God, Woman, you're gorgeous!" and nothing cutting or snide. Looking around at all the people at the panty party, my thought was damn, we are one HOT looking group! And I felt incredibly confident strutting around in my red-hot bra and garter belt. It wasn't a front I was putting on for myself or anyone else. True self confidence being a fat woman does exist, regardless of whether FAs are in attendance or not. 

I also didn't see any BHMs sitting by themselves looking lonely at the dance. I saw them chatting up all kinds of women and shaking their groove things on the dance floor. I hope, Superodalisque, that my observation is the norm at SA dances and yours is the exception.


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## mergirl (May 28, 2008)

Renaissance Woman said:


> Mer, sounds like you need to get your girlfriend to start lurking here. Maybe it will help change her mind about herself. I know it helped to improve my own self-image.
> 
> As far as cutting other fat women down, after attending the Memorial Day Bash this weekend, I didn't experience that once. In fact, it was the exact opposite--I heard/gave/received comments along the lines of "Good God, Woman, you're gorgeous!" and nothing cutting or snide. Looking around at all the people at the panty party, my thought was damn, we are one HOT looking group! And I felt incredibly confident strutting around in my red-hot bra and garter belt. It wasn't a front I was putting on for myself or anyone else. True self confidence being a fat woman does exist, regardless of whether FAs are in attendance or not.
> 
> I also didn't see any BHMs sitting by themselves looking lonely at the dance. I saw them chatting up all kinds of women and shaking their groove things on the dance floor. I hope, Superodalisque, that my observation is the norm at SA dances and yours is the exception.


whoot! it sounds amazing! I wish there were more, well ANY fat bashes in scotland!!
I have told her about dimensions but she isnt interested really..maby once she has a few glasses of wine i might get to her to lurk a bit.. though then i have to be careful what i say about her!!! lmao

xmer


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## LillyBBBW (May 29, 2008)

revolutionman said:


> my opinion doesn't change from one message board to another. Your entitled not to agree, but people here seem to WANT to make me out as some terrible villain.



Not really a villain, just tediously annoying. I'm going to assume you are not a stupid man, therefore I wont go to the trouble of pointing out the inflammatory nature of all of your posts here. Though you do seem to be dumb enough to assume the people here don't have the sensibilities to see that your attempts to inflame with thinly veiled insults are deliberate... well, maybe just a few are, I'll toss you that bone. You've been here a short while so allow me to bring you up to speed: you're late. You're a tired replica of all the others that have come before you. The internet is crawling with self inflated adventurers like you looking to stir the pot and see what comes up. We've seen them come and go and you are mediocre at best, just as Mossy has implied. In a few years when you've matured you will look back on this and be embarrassed. Save these posts to remind yourself of how far you've come.

You and your 110 pound girlfriend have no frame of reference from which to pontificate on any of the subjects you've taken part in, and you don't have the qualifications to direct anyone as to how they should feel or respond to something you have merely a concept of and no actual experience in. Your suggestions are so poor they are not even worth a serious rebuttal except from the Moderators. You offer nothing of substance here except to annoy which is why the Mods are the only ones who take any serious interest in your posts. The insults you've received here are the only appropriate response since your posts have nothing of substance to comment on. Hopefully this helps to dispel your amazement.


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## mergirl (May 29, 2008)

revolutionman said:


> This is true of many men. However curves doesnt always mean fat. While surely there is some fat involved, height, weight distribution and bone structure really have more to do with it than fat. I've seen some chicks look terrible at 170, and others who look totally fking yummy at 170. My last GF was like 110lbs after a big meal and she had curves, because of the specific way in which her body stored what little fat she had. but then there is a certain point where *IMHO* fat begins to work against curves. i think that starts when curves become folds. But I dont wanna screw with anyones body image so i'm not gonna go into it in depth.


by the way what are IHMO curves?
I dint actually mean to generalise when i said "men prefer curves anyway"..i was just talking from a proven evolutionary perspective regarding attraction and hip waist ratio. I'm not actually sure of the % of population that find certain sizes of women attractive but anyway..the point is, i find it strange that someone would post on a board for BBW's/BHM's and FA's and have no interest in either.
Unless your interest is new and your not comfortable with it yet, if that IS the case its a shame you caused such a stir cause you could have been supported here. 
You may find your 110lb girlfriend "curvy" but still that seems pretty thin..though i guess its all about perspective.. i'm about 180lbs at least and i think i'm thin cause i like to hang about with fat chicks mainly!! lmao though some people might see me as fat..
its a perspective thing...and i fear you might have lots yours a bit..
You dont like "folds" then that is your perspective, but i think you will find the majority of people who post here do (well the fa's). Maby there will be a "skinny chicks with a slight curve site" specifically tailoured to your desires.. maby you should have a wee google for that.. And as for messing with anyones body image, i think it will take more than some random saying that folds mess with curves to do that...seeing its not true and all..

xmer


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## Tau (Jul 10, 2009)

I know its dead but I had to say: What a fabulous thread!!! LOL! Lilly's final comment still has me in stitches!


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## Tina (Jul 10, 2009)

*Said as a moderator*: Just a note.

I think there has been a lot of opportunity for this thread to be completely negative, in which case it wouldn't be here on this board. But in fact, it's turned into good conversation, which is why it's here.

One thing though, *revolutionman*, your posts are against the rules of this board, so your contributions, while they will stand, are no longer welcome here. Any of your future posts, unless they are a sincere apology, will be deleted.

Carry on, fabulous fatties! 

*Said as just me*: What Lily said. :wubu:


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## katherine22 (Jul 12, 2009)

Waxwing said:


> Unfortunately we are, to a much greater extent than men, raised to believe that our physical attractiveness supercedes everything else about us. And while this may not come from our parents, we do get it incessantly from external sources.
> 
> I can intellectually know that my looks don't matter at all when it comes to who I am, but that doesn't change the visceral, instinctive desire to be "pretty". And as much as I hate the trait in myself, I do sometimes judge myself in relation to other women based on looks alone. I think that a lot of us do that, even though we're not proud of it.
> 
> It's also a cheap and easy insult when you feel like you're not as good. "Well, she's ugly" is an irrational and stupid thing to think, but it comes up unbidden, and you find yourself mentally tearing down someone's fashion choice when what's really going on is that you feel inferior.



When you feel such self-hatred it is painful and you need to discharge it somewhere. One cannot conceive oneself as a full dynamic human being and buy into the shit of the culture that states your only value is youth and good looks. This is how women are controlled "divide and conquer." If you want to put down a revolution get everyone hating each other.


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## katherine22 (Jul 12, 2009)

mergirl said:


> hummm.. well no.. because when she says "she is horrible" etc etc.. and i say.. "no she is really beautiful" she says to me.."you just think that because you are weird! hmm,,
> well i hope it is a kinna test.. and i hope i passed and she feels better about herself and other people..
> yaaaaaaaawwwwn.. i need to snooze.. its 4am..
> thank you for your wonderful posts..
> xxmer



MerGirl You Scottish fire eater, when people hate themselves you cannot talk them out of it.


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## Friday (Jul 13, 2009)

And I don't know when or if you'll read this Mer but your OP was just plain bullshit. I've been insulted so many times, usually by men, that I've lost track. That asshole that told me it was 'happy hour, not hippo hour' didn't say it because I don't like myself. Those people that snicker, point or roll their eyes at your order in a restaurant or grocery basket at the store aren't doing it because I don't like myself either. You need to figure out that your 'it's all in your head' attitude is every bit as insulting as when a man dismisses cramps or PMS as being all in our heads.


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## CleverBomb (Jul 13, 2009)

Tina said:


> *Said as a moderator*: Just a note.
> 
> I think there has been a lot of opportunity for this thread to be completely negative, in which case it wouldn't be here on this board. But in fact, it's turned into good conversation, which is why it's here.
> 
> ...


Ceiling Mod is Watching You Denigrate.

-Rusty


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## GoldenDelicious (Jul 13, 2009)

Friday said:


> And I don't know when or if you'll read this Mer but your OP was just plain bullshit. I've been insulted so many times, usually by men, that I've lost track. That asshole that told me it was 'happy hour, not hippo hour' didn't say it because I don't like myself. Those people that snicker, point or roll their eyes at your order in a restaurant or grocery basket at the store aren't doing it because I don't like myself either. You need to figure out that your 'it's all in your head' attitude is every bit as insulting as when a man dismisses cramps or PMS as being all in our heads.


Perhaps you need to figure out what the op was actually saying. She used a title that she knew would inspire debate..erm about a year and a half ago. She wasn't talking about 'self hate' or 'Its all in your head', She was talking about how awful it is to see fat women speaking negatively about other fat women, which happens a lot. Whether it is all about projection or another reason, it is a valid observation. She is not dismissing that other people (not fat women) can be fatophobes and i'm sure (cause she told me so) she didn't mean to dismiss your experiences of some guy being an asshole. Nothing about your self hate or any specific persons self hate just an observation she had made about her fat friends and myself (we hadn't been going out long when she posted this). Don't think it was very productive of you to say her post was plain bullshit either.


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## superodalisque (Jul 13, 2009)

GoldenDelicious said:


> Perhaps you need to figure out what the op was actually saying. She used a title that she knew would inspire debate..erm about a year and a half ago. She wasn't talking about 'self hate' or 'Its all in your head', She was talking about how awful it is to see fat women speaking negatively about other fat women, which happens a lot. Whether it is all about projection or another reason, it is a valid observation. She is not dismissing that other people (not fat women) can be fatophobes and i'm sure (cause she told me so) she didn't mean to dismiss your experiences of some guy being an asshole. Nothing about your self hate or any specific persons self hate just an observation she had made about her fat friends and myself (we hadn't been going out long when she posted this). Don't think it was very productive of you to say her post was plain bullshit either.



i agree. why do you think it is that a lot of women on dims actually seem to enjoy thinking the worst about another BBW (in Mers case spiritually a BBW)? its as though its a sport. its as though we want to make other people responsible for our own misery. if we feel bad we like coming here to take it out on each other. its just not right. no one ever seems to want to take the time to ask questions or think about what other women think or are going through. they just want to make someone the bad guy. maybe its time we all grew up and realized there are no bad guys. there are just people. sometimes we agree , sometimes we don't. and that should be ok. if we don't agree on something it doesn't mean we have to basically hate each other. 

i think everyone's intention here is good. people have different experiences and come to things in different ways--tg. maybe we need to look at that as a plus because it means we can hit an issue bothering us from all different directions and perspectives. all of the women here have helped me to learn and grow so much. i really appreciate that, even though i might not at the time when advice or opinions are given. but eventually things sink in and i get it. one or all of the approaches the women have are bound to hit pay dirt. i would expect that would be a good thing. maybe we should make a pact with each other to treat each other with more love than we have been and stop being so defensive. not everyone here is out to get you or out to insult you. and even if they are take into account that they are probably going through stuff you have no idea about. its not always about you. generally here, its never about you. and none of us can , are, or should be right all of the time anyway.

i love this thread because i think its time BBWs start to discuss the things that we can control. sometimes our worst enemies are ourselves. we say negative things in our heads . we say negative things to each other. we take in and believe every negative. we believe a lot of self defeating stuff we see on dims. we can't even believe someone can love us or be attracted to us unless they fetishize us. we believe negative things society has to say about us as though its true. we keep ourselves down a lot. the rest of the world doesn't even have to do that much. if we had a different opinion of ourselves then maybe we could change the world. but if we agree nothing is ever going to change. it might even get worse. we might not be able to control the entire world but i believe with all of my heart that we can manage how we treat each other if we really want to.


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## Friday (Jul 13, 2009)

GoldenDelicious said:


> *Perhaps you need to figure out what the op was actually saying. *She used a title that she knew would inspire debate...erm about a year and a half ago. She wasn't talking about 'self hate' or 'Its all in your head', She was talking about how awful it is to see fat women speaking negatively about other fat women, which happens a lot. Whether it is all about projection or another reason, it is a valid observation. She is not dismissing that other people (not fat women) can be fatophobes and i'm sure (cause she told me so) she didn't mean to dismiss your experiences of some guy being an asshole. Nothing about your self hate or any specific persons self hate just an observation she had made about her fat friends and myself (we hadn't been going out long when she posted this). Don't think it was very productive of you to say her post was plain bullshit either.



Maybe it's counterproductive to say things in such a way that people don't understand without explanation. I saw this because it was apparently moved to the new BBW board and the last several responses were new, not 'erm about a year and a half ago'. Frankly? I'm sick and tired of being told I just need to 'love myself' and all my problems will melt away and having it thrown at me doesn't inspire 'thoughtful debate', it just pisses me off.

Just so you know, Mer and I get along fine and have never had a problem. Most of my friends will tell you I pretty much say what I think and then get over it so please don't let my 'bullshit' comment color future interactions or be surprised if I call it again.


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## ashmamma84 (Jul 13, 2009)

superodalisque said:


> i agree. why do you think it is that a lot of women on dims actually seem to enjoy thinking the worst about another BBW (in Mers case spiritually a BBW)? its as though its a sport. its as though we want to make other people responsible for our own misery. if we feel bad we like coming here to take it out on each other. its just not right. no one ever seems to want to take the time to ask questions or think about what other women think or are going through. they just want to make someone the bad guy. maybe its time we all grew up and realized there are no bad guys. there are just people. sometimes we agree , sometimes we don't. and that should be ok. if we don't agree on something it doesn't mean we have to basically hate each other.
> 
> i think everyone's intention here is good. people have different experiences and come to things in different ways--tg. maybe we need to look at that as a plus because it means we can hit an issue bothering us from all different directions and perspectives. all of the women here have helped me to learn and grow so much. i really appreciate that, even though i might not at the time when advice or opinions are given. but eventually things sink in and i get it. one or all of the approaches the women have are bound to hit pay dirt. i would expect that would be a good thing. maybe we should make a pact with each other to treat each other with more love than we have been and stop being so defensive. not everyone here is out to get you or out to insult you. and even if they are take into account that they are probably going through stuff you have no idea about. its not always about you. generally here, its never about you. and none of us can , are, or should be right all of the time anyway.
> 
> i love this thread because i think its time BBWs start to discuss the things that we can control. sometimes our worst enemies are ourselves. we say negative things in our heads . we say negative things to each other. we take in and believe every negative. we believe a lot of self defeating stuff we see on dims. we can't even believe someone can love us or be attracted to us unless they fetishize us. we believe negative things society has to say about us as though its true. we keep ourselves down a lot. the rest of the world doesn't even have to do that much. if we had a different opinion of ourselves then maybe we could change the world. but if we agree nothing is ever going to change. it might even get worse. we might not be able to control the entire world but i believe with all of my heart that we can manage how we treat each other if we really want to.



Out of rep for awhile (gggrrrr!!!), but great post!


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## GoldenDelicious (Jul 15, 2009)

Friday said:


> Maybe it's counterproductive to say things in such a way that people don't understand without explanation. I saw this because it was apparently moved to the new BBW board and the last several responses were new, not 'erm about a year and a half ago'. Frankly? I'm sick and tired of being told I just need to 'love myself' and all my problems will melt away and having it thrown at me doesn't inspire 'thoughtful debate', it just pisses me off.
> 
> Just so you know, Mer and I get along fine and have never had a problem. Most of my friends will tell you I pretty much say what I think and then get over it so please don't let my 'bullshit' comment color future interactions or be surprised if I call it again.


Yes I know you get on with Mer however it was Mer who was annoyed by your post and the fact you directed your post at her while she is banned and cannot respond which is why I posted a response to you. When you're talking about counterproductive you should read your response again, and this one where you appear to be very flippant with the 'erm not a year and a half ago' comment. I'm not sure if you are intentionally being confrontational or if there is a miscommunication going on here. However I think in future I will ignore 'bullshit' comments and that way there need not be any back and fourth with explanation after explanation because in my view, telling Mer her OP was not 'calling it' it was just plain rude. I speak my mind too. Either way I think if you have anything else to say to Mer you should wait until her ban is lifted before directing a post to her. It's not really fair that she can't respond herself.


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## Friday (Jul 16, 2009)

No it's not, especially since from what I gather the time out is less than fair but I didn't know about all the hooraw at the time of my post so that's life.


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## butch (Jul 17, 2009)

I'm going to be honest here. I get tired of hearing about how catty and mean women are. I read it here, I hear my non-fat friends in real life talk about it, and it pisses me off. Maybe I'm lucky, but in my life, I've never been close to women who fit these descriptions.

Really, I love women, and it pains me to think that so many other women think so lowly of women, that we're all backstabbers and gossip mongers and haters. I'm sure lots of women are that way (and, news flash, there are men like that, too), but I don't associate with them, and I don't find it hard to avoid them, either. So, are my experiences with women rare, or are we holding on to stereotypes for other reasons?

Just to clarify, the vast majority of women I'm talking about in my life are straight, so my experiences can't be invalidated by assuming I'm talking mostly about other queer women, because I'm not.


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## Tina (Jul 17, 2009)

Butch, I hear you. First, I believe sexism lays the foundation for this:



> Really, I love women, and it pains me to think that so many other women think so lowly of women, that we're all backstabbers and gossip mongers and haters.



A male dominated society undervalues the social contributions of women and sets us against each other to form our own hierarchy in some ways. The message is that it's good for us to value men and compete with each other for their attentions (this is also why many straight women will not identify as feminist, even the ones who very much have a feminist mindset about the value of a more equal society -- they are afraid of the scorn of men if they identify as feminist).

I think that as girls, it's almost like we are socialized to compete with each other. Boys are too, but more overtly in sports. For girls, it's competition to have the best body, prettiest face, hair and makeup, and to win. To win the best guy, not to win at something that indicates actual achievement. I hope this has changed since I was young, but from what I can see, it hasn't. The popular girls are often portrayed in movies and television as being underhanded and "catty", etc. But those girls? I despise them with a white-hot burning passion. I've experienced them first-hand and to me they're almost non-human. Fortunately, they are, IME, the exception.

Growing up, most of my friends were guys. It's as I've gotten older that I've really found such joy in having very close and loving female friends. I still have male friends and love them very much, but my life has expanded to the point where it's women now who I find I can really open up to and share the most with. It helps to have so many shared experiences and changes at certain points in life.


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## Carrie (Jul 17, 2009)

butch said:


> I'm going to be honest here. I get tired of hearing about how catty and mean women are. I read it here, I hear my non-fat friends in real life talk about it, and it pisses me off. Maybe I'm lucky, but in my life, I've never been close to women who fit these descriptions.
> 
> Really, I love women, and it pains me to think that so many other women think so lowly of women, that we're all backstabbers and gossip mongers and haters. I'm sure lots of women are that way (and, news flash, there are men like that, too), but I don't associate with them, and I don't find it hard to avoid them, either. So, are my experiences with women rare, or are we holding on to stereotypes for other reasons?
> 
> Just to clarify, the vast majority of women I'm talking about in my life are straight, so my experiences can't be invalidated by assuming I'm talking mostly about other queer women, because I'm not.


Ditto to this. I hear this a lot, in particular around here, as concerns the size acceptance community. I just don't see it, for the most part. I don't know, maybe I'm blessedly oblivious. I feel like sometimes when two women disagree it's immediately viewed as "rrrrwwwr, meow, catfight!", when really it's just two people arguing, both of whom happen to have a vagina. So I don't really get it. There are bound to be differences of opinions around here, and there's nothing wrong with people discussing and even arguing about them, regardless of gender. I don't much like the thought of swallowing my opinions or my voice in the interest of "solidarity".


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## Surlysomething (Jul 17, 2009)

butch said:


> I'm going to be honest here. I get tired of hearing about how catty and mean women are. I read it here, I hear my non-fat friends in real life talk about it, and it pisses me off. Maybe I'm lucky, but in my life, I've never been close to women who fit these descriptions.
> 
> Really, I love women, and it pains me to think that so many other women think so lowly of women, that we're all backstabbers and gossip mongers and haters. I'm sure lots of women are that way (and, news flash, there are men like that, too), but I don't associate with them, and I don't find it hard to avoid them, either. So, are my experiences with women rare, or are we holding on to stereotypes for other reasons?
> 
> Just to clarify, the vast majority of women I'm talking about in my life are straight, so my experiences can't be invalidated by assuming I'm talking mostly about other queer women, because I'm not.




I dislike men and women equally, it makes life easier. 

Haha.


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## Fascinita (Jul 17, 2009)

Carrie said:


> I feel like sometimes when two women disagree it's immediately viewed as "rrrrwwwr, meow, catfight!", when really it's just two people arguing, both of whom happen to have a vagina.



Yeah. I think in part that women are expected to be very, very "nice" all the time, and that when we're not it's seen as aggressive or bitchy. That can spark reactions in other women of, "Well, who does she think she is, stepping out of line like that, when I and everyone I know have to mind that we're nice" (this is also translated as "OH, NO, SHE DIDN'T!")

So the defensiveness can be motivated, in part, by our feeling that we have to keep each other in line, as women.


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## Cors (Jul 18, 2009)

Good post, Butch and I agree with you Carrie. 

I can only speak for myself, but women are generally a lot more open towards me when I looked more androgynous (rail-thin, mohawk, boyish clothes), probably because they assume that I am not their competition. Now, I find that many straight women who are catty towards me become so much friendlier when they realise that I am not interested in men. Femmes, on the other hand... :doh: 

I don't feel competitive towards most women simply because I have an uncommon preference. I do get jealous of fat girls because I think curves are incredibly beautiful and most of the fat women I fancy turn out to be FFAs themselves, but I know that this is useless because FFAs are not likely to be attracted to me anyway. The claws only come out a little if I find myself up against another small FFA who likes fat, geeky old butches. Obviously I will get sulky and feel like I should have dressed better if the butch we are both eyeing ignores me and compliments her. I might even gloat a little (until the guilt takes over) when she spills wine on her dress, but I will gladly help her get the stain out and treat her with respect because "sisterhood" is more important even though I have not experienced much of it.


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## Tina (Jul 18, 2009)

You know, related to this, but a bit different, was when I was younger I dated this guy for a little while. I was a smaller BBW (for me, anyway) at about 190-200 lbs (after losing 80 lbs on the Jack Danie's whiskey diet...), and dated this gorgeous guy named Darrell. He had beautiful skin, gorgeous green eyes, dark auburn corkscrew hair and had this really nice kind of fu man chu mustache (it was the 70s ), and an ass that wouldn't quit. Anyway, when we'd go out, women would always flirt with him -- of course usually thin women (and anyway, wherever I went I was always the fattest one in the room; not nearly as many fat people around in the 70s). They would actually get angry that he didn't respond to their flirting and instead put his arm around me. So it wasn't just these women competing with someone they considered to be on 'their level' and losing, but someone who they obviously considered to beneath them. Oh, the indignity. 

I must admit, for a young woman who rarely received attention, and had no idea what FAs were, I enjoyed this very much. It was a real boost to my ego at a time when I sorely needed it. But he loved my bod and we had a great FWB relationship until he moved back to Texas. 

Anyone else ever experience anything like this?


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## olwen (Jul 18, 2009)

Cors said:


> Good post, Butch and I agree with you Carrie.
> 
> I can only speak for myself, but women are generally a lot more open towards me when I looked more androgynous (rail-thin, mohawk, boyish clothes), probably because they assume that I am not their competition. Now, I find that many straight women who are catty towards me become so much friendlier when they realise that I am not interested in men. Femmes, on the other hand... :doh:
> 
> I don't feel competitive towards most women simply because I have an uncommon preference. I do get jealous of fat girls because I think curves are incredibly beautiful and most of the fat women I fancy turn out to be FFAs themselves, but I know that this is useless because FFAs are not likely to be attracted to me anyway. The claws only come out a little if I find myself up against another small FFA who likes fat, geeky old butches. Obviously I will get sulky and feel like I should have dressed better if the butch we are both eyeing ignores me and compliments her. I might even gloat a little (until the guilt takes over) when she spills wine on her dress, but I will gladly help her get the stain out and treat her with respect because "sisterhood" is more important even though I have not experienced much of it.



This is like when fat women have thin friends and the thin friend expects you to watch her purse if you go clubbing while she dances, or to hold all the bags when you go shopping (for her) together, or if the thin friend freaks out if you get male attention, when she's used to having it, or worse, when your thin friends feels sorry for you for being single and tries to fix you up with some random guy who isn't anything like what you would want simply because it would make her feel a little less guilty about being the "pretty one." 

I think it's true we're socialized to compete with each other sexually - but not in any other way if only because we're not supposed to be competitive. Girls and women who are competitive are deemed threating - to men, rather, women who try to enter areas where men dominate like sports or politics they are instantly desexualized. The message to women is almost? that we're only good for being lovers or mothers and if we fail at either we're no longer women. We just can't win for trying.


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## tinkerbell (Jul 18, 2009)

Tina said:


> You know, related to this, but a bit different, was when I was younger I dated this guy for a little while. I was a smaller BBW (for me, anyway) at about 190-200 lbs (after losing 80 lbs on the Jack Danie's whiskey diet...), and dated this gorgeous guy named Darrell. He had beautiful skin, gorgeous green eyes, dark auburn corkscrew hair and had this really nice kind of fu man chu mustache (it was the 70s ), and an ass that wouldn't quit. *Anyway, when we'd go out, women would always flirt with him -- of course usually thin women (and anyway, wherever I went I was always the fattest one in the room; not nearly as many fat people around in the 70s). They would actually get angry that he didn't respond to their flirting and instead put his arm around me. So it wasn't just these women competing with someone they considered to be on 'their level' and losing, but someone who they obviously considered to beneath them. Oh, the indignity. *
> I must admit, for a young woman who rarely received attention, and had no idea what FAs were, I enjoyed this very much. It was a real boost to my ego at a time when I sorely needed it. But he loved my bod and we had a great FWB relationship until he moved back to Texas.
> 
> Anyone else ever experience anything like this?




I've experienced the part I put in bold with my husband. I've seen women flirt with him, check him out, and even have had waitresses ignore ME (like ask if his meal was fine, or if HE needed a refill on whatever he was drinking and just flat out ignore me), and then look at me with these condescending looks like why is HE with YOU?!?! And all of them have been thinner than me. Its crazy, and happens a lot. I think what it is, is they cant stand to see an attractive man with someone they feel is beneath them AND him, because of my weight. I dont know. Maybe its not. It used to bother me a little, but now I could care less.


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## Friday (Jul 20, 2009)

tinkerbell said:


> I've experienced the part I put in bold with my husband. I've seen women flirt with him, check him out, and even have had waitresses ignore ME (like ask if his meal was fine, or if HE needed a refill on whatever he was drinking and just flat out ignore me), and then look at me with these condescending looks like why is HE with YOU?!?! And all of them have been thinner than me. Its crazy, and happens a lot. I think what it is, is they cant stand to see an attractive man with someone they feel is beneath them AND him, because of my weight. I dont know. Maybe its not. *It used to bother me a little, but now I could care less*.



Been there. Now I just smirk at them. Back before we got married I actually had one catty skank tell me D was 'just after my money'. Uh, I got none bitchy poo.  I just don't hang out with women like that thank heavens and there are a lot more of us than there are of them.


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