# getting over u



## nomorediets (Nov 29, 2014)

this is how it started. found out I had a fat fetish. got into FF big time. I can say that im very addicted to it, spouse forbids me to go back on. got into a guy from Denmark and sparks flew. he is 60 im50 both married. we shared our wildest fantasies with each other for 5 mos. on FB exchanged pics and videos. we fell in love. I felt so good when I tt him on FB, like kids again. 

I got too greedy and sent him a message at the wrong time n his wife seen it.So now he blocked me from his acct. its been 3 wks since the last time I tt him. miss him like crazy I want his face out of my head hes still on FF but seeing his comments just makes me more crazy. sorry had to vent


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## mediaboy (Nov 30, 2014)

well good luck with that


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Nov 30, 2014)

Sounds like all the more reason to stay off of FF.


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## lille (Nov 30, 2014)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Sounds like all the more reason to stay off of FF.



Seriously.

You cheated on your spouse with someone who was also married. Not so shockingly it went to shit. Be an adult, quit screwing around behind your spouse's back, and maybe attempt to work on your marriage.


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## moore2me (Nov 30, 2014)

lille said:


> Seriously.
> 
> You cheated on your spouse with someone who was also married. Not so shockingly it went to shit. Be an adult, quit screwing around behind your spouse's back, and maybe attempt to work on your marriage.


 
Lille speaks words of wisdom here. Marriage is a contract between two people to live, work, play, raise children, and build a life together. Those of us working on a marriage know how hard it is to do the right thing and try to keep the marriage alive and healthy. We face temptation, sometimes our spouse may be behaving badly, or sometimes money, job pressure, or lack of appreciation (real or imagined) attack the marriage bond.

I am not saying marriages should never be dissolved - an example of resons to leave a spouse is abuse (physical or mental or abandonment). But, otherwise we should try our best to keep the marriage together and the same applies to other couples' marriages.

Disclosure: My first marriage fell apart. It only lasted a few years. My second marriage has lasted 34 (in another month 35 years).


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## Tracyarts (Dec 1, 2014)

What exactly do you want here? 

For people to tell you that your spouse was wrong for forbidding you to continue participating in the fetish website even though it had become an obsession and you started a long distance emotional affair and online sexual affair because of it? 

To hear that it wasn't your fault that your choice to contact your affair partner outside of "safe" times caused a problem with his wife? 

To give you permission to continue with the behavior even though your spouse is not okay with it and it has already caused problems in another person's marriage?


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2014)

you can't fall in love with someone over 5 months of online fantasy anyway. you can only fall in lust. pix and videos won't tell you enough about anybody to fall in love.

how do you know his wife had really even found anything? are you taking his word. maybe his interest had run it's course and he was ready for something else. if he was that interested he could easily create a new account or find another way to contact you. don't be naïve. move on with your real life.


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## Emma (Dec 1, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> you can't fall in love with someone over 5 months of online fantasy anyway. you can only fall in lust. pix and videos won't tell you enough about anybody to fall in love.
> 
> how do you know his wife had really even found anything? are you taking his word. maybe his interest had run it's course and he was ready for something else. if he was that interested he could easily create a new account or find another way to contact you. don't be naïve. move on with your real life.



Exactly. I feel so mean saying it, but nomorediets, he just doesn't want to talk to you any more. I know this is all exciting and new to you but before you go falling in love with people on the internet you really need to deal with some other issues.


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## superodalisque (Dec 1, 2014)

Emma said:


> Exactly. I feel so mean saying it, but nomorediets, he just doesn't want to talk to you any more. I know this is all exciting and new to you but before you go falling in love with people on the internet you really need to deal with some other issues.



what you said probably will hurt a whole lot less than hanging on to the idea.


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## Marlayna (Dec 1, 2014)

nomorediets said:


> this is how it started. found out I had a fat fetish. got into FF big time. I can say that im very addicted to it, spouse forbids me to go back on. got into a guy from Denmark and sparks flew. he is 60 im50 both married. we shared our wildest fantasies with each other for 5 mos. on FB exchanged pics and videos. we fell in love. I felt so good when I tt him on FB, like kids again.
> 
> I got too greedy and sent him a message at the wrong time n his wife seen it.So now he blocked me from his acct. its been 3 wks since the last time I tt him. miss him like crazy I want his face out of my head hes still on FF but seeing his comments just makes me more crazy. sorry had to vent


Do yourself a favor and unplug for a while. You got caught up in the fantasy, and no good can come from it. You're off the rails, so do what you have to do to get back to reality. It's important for your mental health. Good luck.


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## nomorediets (Dec 3, 2014)

wow ouch! I thought this was a non judgmental site. 

just for the record ive been married for 27 years and have raised two beautiful daughters. (that are adults). I made a mistake, and I have suffered dearly. 

don't judge me


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 3, 2014)

nomorediets said:


> wow ouch! I thought this was a non judgmental site.
> 
> just for the record ive been married for 27 years and have raised two beautiful daughters. (that are adults). I made a mistake, and I have suffered dearly.
> 
> don't judge me



Personally, I wasn't judging you. However, it did appear that you were asking for advice. I gave my advice/logical response of what I would do in that situation.
You did post a whole new thread on the main board on the internet. Some things might be better kept private if you're looking for sympathy. 

Sorry that you are unhappy and having a hard time. Torturing yourself by hanging out in a place where your exes posts hurt you to read...well sounds like it would be best for you to find something/somewhere else to go.


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## YoJoshua (Dec 3, 2014)

nomorediets said:


> don't judge me



Wrong internet...there is another one, I forget the URL, where people don't judge!


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## Tad (Dec 3, 2014)

NMD: So, a question for you--if an acquaintance confided such a story to you, what would you tell them?

=====================

I am sorry for you. It sounds like there was something you were craving, and you found a taste of it in a situation that was just never going to be very stable. I can't blame you for trying to grab what you seemed to need, but it just sounds like a situation that was pretty much doomed to end badly sooner or later. Perhaps in time you'll be able to appreciate the taste of things that you got while that lasted, and figure out how to get some of that into your life in a more sustainable way.


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## Highsteppa (Dec 3, 2014)

Not to pile on here, but having not finished with your current relationship before engaging in what you described in your original post is pretty disrespectful of your spouse. Regardless of how you may justify it, it's behavior that would piss me off and I'm pretty sure plenty of others if they found out their significant other was doing this behind their back. And that's a pretty normal human reaction.

Are you really expecting sympathy by posting this on a message board where anyone can respond? Might want to maybe keep this to your own blog if you're not open to getting feedback that might call you out on what would anger and upset others if they were in the same position.


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## superodalisque (Dec 4, 2014)

nomorediets said:


> wow ouch! I thought this was a non judgmental site.
> 
> just for the record ive been married for 27 years and have raised two beautiful daughters. (that are adults). I made a mistake, and I have suffered dearly.
> 
> don't judge me



this is a weird post. you asked what people thought and they told you. now, if you didn't want to know don't make the pretense of even asking.

people weren't judging you. they were trying to shake you awake so that you didn't hurt yourself. if you're looking for people to help you self destruct maybe you should get back on fantasy feeder and deal with the bots and role playing. I think a lot of people here actually care that you don't destroy the life that you've already made for yourself for a faker. and as Tad said, use it as a learning experience that reveals to you what you are missing in your own life and figure out how to get it there where you have much more of a chance of it lasting and fulfilling you.


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## exponder (Dec 4, 2014)

nomorediets said:


> wow ouch! I thought this was a non judgmental site.
> 
> just for the record ive been married for 27 years and have raised two beautiful daughters. (that are adults). I made a mistake, and I have suffered dearly.
> 
> don't judge me



Again, hate to dog pile you but a lot of people have been messed around on and hurt badly this way. You can't really blame them for being sensitive and opinionated to this subject. And as an equal party to being messed around on, you got what you deserved, with that being said there are always new beginnings and second chances. Make well use of them.


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## jakub (Dec 4, 2014)

nomorediets said:


> wow ouch! I thought this was a non judgmental site.
> 
> just for the record ive been married for 27 years and have raised two beautiful daughters. (that are adults). I made a mistake, and I have suffered dearly.
> 
> don't judge me



[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhxjNYvJbgM[/ame]


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## Saoirse (Dec 4, 2014)

we're totally judging you. To err is human. Judging others for fucking up is also human.


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## one2one (Dec 4, 2014)

Highsteppa said:


> Not to pile on here, but having not finished with your current relationship before engaging in what you described in your original post is pretty disrespectful of your spouse. Regardless of how you may justify it, it's behavior that would piss me off and I'm pretty sure plenty of others if they found out their significant other was doing this behind their back. And that's a pretty normal human reaction.
> 
> Are you really expecting sympathy by posting this on a message board where anyone can respond? Might want to maybe keep this to your own blog if you're not open to getting feedback that might call you out on what would anger and upset others if they were in the same position.



Ditto.

It isn't with judgement or any desire to see you in pain that I say this: You're hardly an innocent bystander. You're responsible for your actions, and the quickest way out of the place you're in right now is to see that and accept responsibility for making changes that will be healthier for you and might help heal your relationships.


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## Saisha (Dec 5, 2014)

Not only were and are you disrespecting your spouse but you were and are disrespecting you.


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## superodalisque (Dec 5, 2014)

I saw this article and thought about the op. it's not the people who are going to be nice about it who are your friends. people who seem mean confrontational or judgmental just don't want to be complicit in your downfall. people who go along with everything you do so you'll like them even if it's wrong are scary.

http://mic.com/articles/92479/psychologists-have-uncovered-a-troubling-feature-of-people-who-seem-nice-all-the-time


*Psychologists Have Uncovered a Troubling Feature of People Who Seem Nice All the Time* By Eileen Shim June 30, 2014 

In 1961, curious about a person's willingness to obey an authority figure, social psychologist Stanley Milgram began trials on his now-famous experiment. In it, he tested how far a subject would go electrically shocking a stranger (actually an actor faking the pain) simply because they were following orders. Some subjects, Milgram found, would follow directives until the person was dead.

The news: A new Milgram-like experiment published this month in the Journal of Personality has taken this idea to the next step by trying to understand which kinds of people are more or less willing to obey these kinds of orders. What researchers discovered was surprising:* Those who are described as "agreeable, conscientious personalities" are more likely to follow orders and deliver electric shocks that they believe can harm innocent people, while "more contrarian, less agreeable personalities" are more likely to refuse to hurt others.*

The methodology and findings: For an eight-month period, the researchers interviewed the study participants to gauge their social personality, as well as their personal history and political leanings. When they matched this data to the participants' behavior during the experiment, a distinct pattern emerged: *People who were normally friendly followed orders because they didn't want to upset others, while those who were described as unfriendly stuck up for themselves.*
"The irony is that a personality disposition normally seen as antisocial  disagreeableness  may actually be linked to 'pro-social' behavior,'" writes Psychology Today's Kenneth Worthy. *"This connection seems to arise from a willingness to sacrifice one's popularity a bit to act in a moral and just way toward other people, animals or the environment at large. Popularity, in the end, may be more a sign of social graces and perhaps a desire to fit in than any kind of moral superiority."*

The study also found that people holding left-wing political views were less willing to hurt others. One particular group held steady and refused destructive orders: "women who had previously participated in rebellious political activism such as strikes or occupying a factory."

The Nazi effect: The findings lend themselves even further to Milgram's original goal in the '60s: trying to understand the rise of Nazism. Milgram began his experiments in July 1961, three months after the start of the trial of German Nazi war criminal Adolf Eichmann. He believed his findings might help explain how seemingly nice people can do horrible things if they are ordered to do so.

Does that mean the Nazis were just nice people trying to follow orders and be polite? You probably wouldn't want to go that far, but suffice to say, it turns out nice people just want to appease authorities, while rebels stick to their guns.


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## moore2me (Dec 5, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> I saw this article and thought about the op. it's not the people who are going to be nice about it who are your friends. people who seem mean confrontational or judgmental just don't want to be complicit in your downfall. people who go along with everything you do so you'll like them even if it's wrong are scary.
> 
> http://mic.com/articles/92479/psychologists-have-uncovered-a-troubling-feature-of-people-who-seem-nice-all-the-time
> 
> ...


 
*And I definitely don't believe that Nazis were just nice people following orders. That's similar to saying Charlie Manson is just a loveable old gentleman or Pol Pot was just a farmer who didn't like school.*


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 5, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> I saw this article and thought about the op. it's not the people who are going to be nice about it who are your friends. people who seem mean confrontational or judgmental just don't want to be complicit in your downfall. people who go along with everything you do so you'll like them even if it's wrong are scary.
> 
> http://mic.com/articles/92479/psychologists-have-uncovered-a-troubling-feature-of-people-who-seem-nice-all-the-time
> 
> ...



Lol AKA Sheeple


I can see both sides of this.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Dec 5, 2014)

The study may be new, but the results are as old as Carl Jung: extraverts are other-directed (i.e., morality = living up to social expectations), whereas introverts are inner-directed (i.e., they wrestle with their consciences about whether or not social expectations _are_ moral) Extraverts tend to be charmng, agreeable people; introverts may be very pleasant when you get to know them, but they often seem prickly at first (I know; I'm one ).


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## superodalisque (Dec 6, 2014)

Dr. Feelgood said:


> The study may be new, but the results are as old as Carl Jung: extraverts are other-directed (i.e., morality = living up to social expectations), whereas introverts are inner-directed (i.e., they wrestle with their consciences about whether or not social expectations _are_ moral) Extraverts tend to be charmng, agreeable people; introverts may be very pleasant when you get to know them, but they often seem prickly at first (I know; I'm one ).



I doubt being an introvert or an extrovert has much if anything to do with it because either can be a sheeple in different ways. an or an introvert can either choose to fit in or not to fit in in their various ways. and extrovert might follow loudly or may be a loud public leader of the opposition. 

you almost have to be somewhat of an extrovert to actually come out against something that the rest f society says it's for.

an introvert may not say anything against a wrong because they may not want to deal at all with the society that is committing the negative act no matter what they think. they can retreat into their own inner world unless they are personally affected. some introverts can be very outwardly compliant which also leads to the appearance of acceptance. 

so it really depends on the person and the decisions they make and how they express their introversion or extroversion.


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## superodalisque (Dec 6, 2014)

moore2me said:


> *And I definitely don't believe that Nazis were just nice people following orders. That's similar to saying Charlie Manson is just a loveable old gentleman or Pol Pot was just a farmer who didn't like school.*
> 
> 
> ---------------



yep. I think there is a difference between being "nice" and being compliant. though culturally speaking I think people generally do confuse compliance with niceness.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 7, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> yep. I think there is a difference between being "nice" and being compliant. though culturally speaking I think people generally do confuse compliance with niceness.



I believe that there is also a difference of being polite/nice to avoid confrontation and being a wimp. 

The people described in your first post....I've seen them. They turn their heads and let anyone get by with anything.....just as long as you are nice to them. 

Then I have noted others.....who figure out that if it walks like a duck.....and don't need the acceptance of assholes. 

I think the bottom line is a need for acceptance can be a terrible and really dangerous thing.


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