# Not fat enough for the first time.



## Janet (Dec 30, 2005)

Hi. I never thought that at 5'4" and 255lbs, I would feel inadequate, but it's starting to happen now that I'm dating an FA. He is regularly on the 'net seeking sexual satisfaction from images of BBWs/SSBBWs. 

In the beginning, it was so affirming to "be" a "Big Beautiful Woman", but now, it feels like I'm the runner up body that he squeezes after he's filled his mind with bigger, more beautiful women. 

I'm very confused and the more I worry about it, the less sexy I feel.

Do any women/men relate? or have any advice?

Thanks,

Ten


----------



## LarryTheShiveringChipmunk (Dec 30, 2005)

well everyone is sexy to someone  so dont worry about it..some FAs like SSBBWS some BBWS . just dont worry and know you are indeed sexy


----------



## Totmacher (Dec 30, 2005)

Wait wait wait.. does, " sexual satisfaction" mean what it sounds like it means? Don't let it make you feel inadequate. It's _his_ issue if he has some kind of porn addiction. It sounds to me like you should confront him about how it makes you feel and if he feels he _needs_ to do this then you have your answer and can run with it from there... it sounds like you have a long talk ahead of you. Hope things work out well.


----------



## Jon Blaze (Dec 30, 2005)

Totmacher said:


> Wait wait wait.. does, " sexual satisfaction" mean what it sounds like it means? Don't let it make you feel inadequate. It's _his_ issue if he has some kind of porn addiction. It sounds to me like you should confront him about how it makes you feel and if he feels he _needs_ to do this then you have your answer and can run with it from there... it sounds like you have a long talk ahead of you. Hope things work out well.



I agree... You shouldn't feel inadequate in the relationship... You should talk to him about how you feel, and come up with a 50:50 solution to the problem....Make sure you two agree.... That's partially what a relationship is about: Solving problems and making solutions as if you two are one...


----------



## swamptoad (Dec 30, 2005)

I don't know the best approach for you. He definitely should tone it down and rightfully choose your beauty over the picturesque beauties of whom you say he: is regularly on the 'net seeking sexual satisfaction from... 

Both of you are dating and getting to know one another. Don't change the way you are to meet his needs. Be happy, healthy, and be you. I think men or women feel inadequacies to this subject. Statistically, I don't know which gender feels inadequate moreso? 

I am happily married *quite different than dating* (nonetheless) Yes, ssbbws/bbws on the net are pretty, desirable, etc...but I much prefer the company of my wife and times we share even before marriage...learning about one another..doing sooo many things together...and not hiding things from one another....

She's taught me a lot...I love her to death...She's the one who taught me how to show her more love and affection. And I have learned and taught myself to do just that. So...sadly to say, I might've been like your boyfriend.

p.s. 

Admiration is fine. But if it turns to an addiction where somebody's lusting is leaving his/her life out-of-balance and their is also a sexual performance in the lacking when perhaps in the past there was not a lack in sexual performance with "the love of your life"....

then I would say *uh-oh*


----------



## Single26Female (Dec 30, 2005)

Hi girl. I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now...

I suck at relationships so I don't have any answers for you. All I know is that love and sex are two very different things and hopefully, true love will encompass the BEST of both worlds and leave all parties satiated on both counts.

I'm actually not jealous of guys I date looking at porn. I have fantasy types that aren't necessarily what I have available but it doesn't mean that I love my partner any less...

Then again, I'm single so maybe I'm not the right person to ask!

Good luck with stuff.


----------



## Janet (Dec 30, 2005)

I've been lurking around for the last few weeks and I have to say that I'm honoured to have my first response from you, Chippy. I don't have cankles, but if I did, you be welcome to jump all over 'em!! 

Seriously though, thanks. 

I guess I just thought that dating an FA was my "get out of jail free" card. For once, I could relax about not fitting societal stereotypes for body size and shape. It was a lovely fantasy and it's hard to let it go, but you're right, FAs have a spectrum of preferences.

Ten


----------



## LarryTheShiveringChipmunk (Dec 30, 2005)

*blushes* wait are you british with the -OURed who needs cankles if you have a british accent!!! *bounces uncontrollably*


----------



## Janet (Dec 30, 2005)

> *blushes* wait are you british with the -OURed who needs cankles if you have a british accent!!! *bounces uncontrollably*



Ha! Ha! Oh, I wish that I could make your dreams come true, but alas, I am but a humble Canadian who uses the Queen's English!

Ten


----------



## LarryTheShiveringChipmunk (Dec 30, 2005)

close enuff *attacks*


----------



## Janet (Dec 30, 2005)

Thank you all for your responses. 

In all fairness, I need to say that when I said that my boyfriend seeks "sexual satisfaction" from looking at BBWs on the web, it is in a passive way. To my knowledge, he looks, but doesn't interact with anyone. 

Single26Female, I'm not used to the idea of having the person I'm with actively seeking out other women to admire, but Totmacher, I don't think it's an out of control thing, either.

I think you and Jon are both right, I need to talk with my boyfriend about how I am feeling, but being insecure doesn't usually increase one's sex appeal. 



> I am happily married *quite different than dating* (nonetheless) Yes, ssbbws/bbws on the net are pretty, desirable, etc...but I much prefer the company of my wife and times we share even before marriage...learning about one another..doing sooo many things together...and not hiding things from one another....



Swamptoad, you mentioned not hiding things from one another. Do you look at the SSBBWs/BBWs on the net with your wife or do you tell her? How does she respond?




> Don't change the way you are to meet his needs. Be happy, healthy, and be you.



I know my concerns aren't specific to being a BBW/FA couple, but the extreme fantasy elements (gaining to immobilization) do factor in. It's complicated, and I'm trying to figure out how much is healthy and how much I am comfortable with.

Still Tenacious


----------



## Janet (Dec 30, 2005)

Oooohhhh, Chippy! :smitten: 

*giggle* *jiggle* *giggle* *jiggle*

Who knew that a little "u" could bring so much joy!

I'm not sure what to tell the boyfriend, but I'm not gonna wash my ankles for a week!

Tenacious


----------



## Gspoon (Dec 30, 2005)

To be honest, alot of men look at porn when they are happily married to a fine beautiful woman. I am sure he loves you all the same as he did when he first started dating you. I wouldnt worry about this too much, always try to avoid tension between you and your partner

Best of luck!


----------



## MissToodles (Dec 30, 2005)

My sweetie looks at yahoo groups and this message board once in awhile. I can't freak out. I think it's perfectly normal to seek out and find what one finds attractive. Does he compare you to other women? Does he ever make comments about them in front of you? Does he even look when you're around? Maybe if that aspect makes you uncomfortable, ask him to stop out of respect for your own feelings.

Playboy is probably still the # 1 men's magazine. It features models who have breast implants, scads of makeup and are photoshopped beyond compare. So the internet is probably his equivalent. Maybe you feel threatened because most men can't visit the playboy mansion but contact with these internet models is way more viable?

I hope this helps.


----------



## BBW Betty (Dec 30, 2005)

tenacious said:


> I guess I just thought that dating an FA was my "get out of jail free" card. For once, I could relax about not fitting societal stereotypes for body size and shape. It was a lovely fantasy and it's hard to let it go, but you're right, FAs have a spectrum of preferences.
> 
> Ten



Hi Tenacious. I guess I'd have to agree that you need to talk with your bf, and find out the "why." Also, any relationship requires some work.

Good luck, and hope you find what you're looking for.


----------



## Webmaster (Dec 30, 2005)

tenacious said:


> Hi. I never thought that at 5'4" and 255lbs, I would feel inadequate, but it's starting to happen now that I'm dating an FA. He is regularly on the 'net seeking sexual satisfaction from images of BBWs/SSBBWs.
> 
> In the beginning, it was so affirming to "be" a "Big Beautiful Woman", but now, it feels like I'm the runner up body that he squeezes after he's filled his mind with bigger, more beautiful women.
> 
> ...




What you are describing is a syndrome often heard in size acceptance circles. Women come in, then being told by FAs that they are not fat enough, and they may also find themselves snubbed by cliques of larger women ("What does SHE want here? She's not fat. Git and leave our men alone") That is just awful and no one should behave like that. 

That said, what you need to do is have a heart-to-heart with your FA friend. If he is one who seeks a supersized BBW, you are truly nothing but a stepping stone for him. He may genuinely like you, but his orientation and preference will eventually drive him elsewhere. It's very important to get an understanding of that early on in a relationship or you're setting yourself up for trouble.


----------



## HottiMegan (Dec 30, 2005)

tenacious said:


> Hi. I never thought that at 5'4" and 255lbs, I would feel inadequate, but it's starting to happen now that I'm dating an FA. He is regularly on the 'net seeking sexual satisfaction from images of BBWs/SSBBWs.
> 
> In the beginning, it was so affirming to "be" a "Big Beautiful Woman", but now, it feels like I'm the runner up body that he squeezes after he's filled his mind with bigger, more beautiful women.
> 
> ...



I am sorry you are going through this. I dont have any advice other than to talk to him about your feelings. That is the best advice i can give because if you let it stew without talking to him about how you feel, you'll let it fester and stew and then EVERYTHING he does will bother you. (comes from personal experience)

As for not being big enough. I am a SSBBW and I even get called not big enough. I'd say about 50% of the people i talk to online want me to gain 40-50 lbs. (not in my plans) So the whole spectrum of sizes probably faces that.


----------



## Sandie S-R (Dec 30, 2005)

Hi Ten...

I'm pretty matter of fact about these things, but I think the handwriting is on the wall here.

If the man was really into *you*, he wouldn't need other's to turn him on. And this isn't about him being an FA. There are non-FAs that are the same.

If he were in love with you, you would be *enough* for him, no matter your size, or his preferences. You would be the center of his universe. 

My advice: Cut your losses and move on. There are definitely men out there who will appreciate you exactly the way you are, without a need to change you, or use others to gratify himself. You deserve better!!!


----------



## olivefun (Dec 30, 2005)

Hey Ten,
I agree with a lot of the thoughtful comments from those who've typed here before me, especially Jon and SSR.

The only thing I can add, is there will always be people that want you to be fatter or thinner than you are. The one you chose should be someone that brings out the best in you, makes you feel sexy in the bedroom and comfortable outside. You have to choose this,

Do you want to share time ( or your bed) with someone that wants you to be other than what you are? I don't think so.

If you don't feel wonderful much of the time you are close, then why are you with him?
No one should feel like a second choice when they are with their partner. 

Explore your reasons for wanting to be with this man. Weigh this out carefully. If what you feel when you're with him, dwarfs what you feel when or after he goes surfing, well, look at that.

Best of luck.

This is a good time of year to reflect on your life and make changes in the things you aren't happy about.


----------



## Janet (Dec 30, 2005)

> I am sorry you are going through this. I dont have any advice other than to talk to him about your feelings. That is the best advice i can give because if you let it stew without talking to him about how you feel, you'll let it fester and stew and then EVERYTHING he does will bother you. (comes from personal experience)



Yep, I think that I waited too long to deal with it--and now I'm a little paranoid. This all go started because I found a couple of bulletin board messages. There was a thread in a non-BBW discussion group asking if people would be interested in having sex with a particular hollywood actress regardless that she is fat. My BF responded with a resoundingly eager yes. 

It was probably pretty harmless because people can anonymously do or say anything on the web and in their fantasies, but it hurt. 

In every other way, he has been caring and loving, gentle and kind. 



> That said, what you need to do is have a heart-to-heart with your FA friend. If he is one who seeks a supersized BBW, you are truly nothing but a stepping stone for him. He may genuinely like you, but his orientation and preference will eventually drive him elsewhere.



It's what he fantasizes about, but when I asked about me gaining, he said that he's happy having a partner who is mobile (outside of the fantasy). I'm happy to gorge myself silly to give him pleasure (heck, I used to do it alone, so it's not a chore), but I'm not prepared to gain anymore. Hottimegan, it was helpful to get your feedback that some men constantly want more.



> My sweetie looks at yahoo groups and this message board once in awhile. I can't freak out. I think it's perfectly normal to seek out and find what one finds attractive. Does he compare you to other women? Does he ever make comments about them in front of you? Does he even look when you're around? Maybe if that aspect makes you uncomfortable, ask him to stop out of respect for your own feelings.



Miss Toodles, this one is tricky. In some ways, I'd rather know what he's thinking, than not know. He has never compared me to anyone--that would be a very clear deal-breaker, but he definitely notices other women, and will sometimes compliment them in my presence. 



> My advice: Cut your losses and move on. There are definitely men out there who will appreciate you exactly the way you are, without a need to change you, or use others to gratify himself. You deserve better!!!



Sandie, you and Olivefun, have both taken a stronger stance. I am definitely weighing, no pun intended, all of this. 

Uh oh, supper's burning!!

Gotta run,

Ten


----------



## swamptoad (Dec 31, 2005)

You posted this question:

Swamptoad, you mentioned not hiding things from one another. Do you look at the SSBBWs/BBWs on the net with your wife or do you tell her? How does she respond?

My response:

This was an issue of the past with me. I an quite shy and don't like to talk about my personal life. I just wanted you to know that I may have had something in common with your boyfriend. Basically, I spent wayyyyy to much time looking at other women on the internet. Now, I don't do that. 
....and the seeking sexual satisfaction from images of BBWs/SSBBWs...yes 
*hangs head low* that was me years ago. But I never looked for someone else to be with and I am sooooooo in love and happily married to a very smart, witty, intelligent, gorgeous, drop-dead-sexy, very pretty woman--- Josalynn, my wife. 

I didn't want to open up in such a way that any of you might now look down on me....I am just a lot more confident in myself, in her, in our loving relationship....now that I have changed.


----------



## Janet (Jan 1, 2006)

Happy New Year! 

Swamptoad, thank you for your honesty. 

You are a testament to the fact that people grow and change. It's also a testament to your love and commitment. I feel honoured that you would share.

I guess that is what I'm looking for. Someone who loves me, and only me. And who loves me for who I am, as I am.

I think communication is going to be the key.

Thanks again,

Tenacious


----------



## Janet (Jan 1, 2006)

> I am sooooooo in love and happily married to a very smart, witty, intelligent, gorgeous, drop-dead-sexy, very pretty woman--- Josalynn, my wife.



Very very nice to read!

Ten


----------



## swamptoad (Jan 2, 2006)

*smiles*

Happy New Year to you too tenacious!


----------



## LisaInNC (Jan 2, 2006)

i dont think its a YOU thing...lol he prolly just likes porn...if you are uncomfortable with it...talk to him about it.


----------



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Jan 2, 2006)

tenacious said:


> Hi. I never thought that at 5'4" and 255lbs, I would feel inadequate, but it's starting to happen now that I'm dating an FA. He is regularly on the 'net seeking sexual satisfaction from images of BBWs/SSBBWs.
> 
> In the beginning, it was so affirming to "be" a "Big Beautiful Woman", but now, it feels like I'm the runner up body that he squeezes after he's filled his mind with bigger, more beautiful women.
> 
> ...



Dump this guy! I think you are a very nice weight. And there are plenty of FAs who would be happy to have you as you are. 

His problem is that he can't accept you and he probably can't accept himself.


----------



## Tad (Jan 3, 2006)

tenacious said:


> Happy New Year!
> 
> I guess that is what I'm looking for. Someone who loves me, and only me. And who loves me for who I am, as I am.
> 
> I think communication is going to be the key.



Hi Tenacious, welcome to Dimensions!

Imagine for a moment that you were a size 10, and your boyfriend was known to surf the web looking at pictures of oddly buxom yet skinny starlets, and to maybe scan through Maxim magazine on occasion. I imagine that you would be annoyed, but you would perhaps not be so surprised, and if you talked to a lot of people you would be told Oh yah, lots of guys do that. 

The advice in that situation is the same that I will give you here: demand respect from him. This implies telling him how his activities make you feel, because a lot of us guys can be pretty clueless in this regard. Beyond that, he has to understand that you are not interested in having someone settle for you, and that he has to decide if he is willing to commit himself to you as you are, mind, spirit, and body. In the end he has to decide if he is ready for that degree of commitment. Fair warning, guys tend to arrive at the point in their life where they are ready to make commitments later than women do, so if he is in the we are dating for now, and well see how things work out over time state of mind this could be a bit of a shock to him.

Regards;

-Ed


----------



## Jes (Jan 3, 2006)

I have a question for y'all, and I"m not sure this is the most appropriate thread, but I'll ask it anyway.

Who here finds looking at 'anonymous' porn online and subscribing to someone's online web porn thingie to be somehow different? Is the latter more intimate, or not? If your partner were just looking at porn (and not interacting or having the chance to interact with the person in the pix) would that be easier to accept than if your partner were, say, corresponding with the person in the pix, or whatever else one might do when subscribed to a site?

Thoughts? Thanks.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 3, 2006)

Jes said:


> I have a question for y'all, and I"m not sure this is the most appropriate thread, but I'll ask it anyway.
> 
> Who here finds looking at 'anonymous' porn online and subscribing to someone's online web porn thingie to be somehow different? Is the latter more intimate, or not? If your partner were just looking at porn (and not interacting or having the chance to interact with the person in the pix) would that be easier to accept than if your partner were, say, corresponding with the person in the pix, or whatever else one might do when subscribed to a site?
> 
> Thoughts? Thanks.


Looking at pictures is a lot different than interacting with the person who posed for them. I don't care if my husband looks at pictures of attractive strangers, but I would have a big problem with him communicating with other women in a sexual way. I would consider it a betrayal. Yours is an interesting question, because I find myself questioning why there is a difference between the two.


----------



## TraciJo67 (Jan 3, 2006)

Jes said:


> I have a question for y'all, and I"m not sure this is the most appropriate thread, but I'll ask it anyway.
> 
> Who here finds looking at 'anonymous' porn online and subscribing to someone's online web porn thingie to be somehow different? Is the latter more intimate, or not? If your partner were just looking at porn (and not interacting or having the chance to interact with the person in the pix) would that be easier to accept than if your partner were, say, corresponding with the person in the pix, or whatever else one might do when subscribed to a site?
> 
> Thoughts? Thanks.


Looking at pictures is a lot different than interacting with the person who posed for them. I don't care if my husband looks at pictures of attractive strangers, but I would have a big problem with him communicating with other women in a sexual way. I would consider it a betrayal. Yours is an interesting question, because I find myself questioning why there is a difference between the two.


----------



## Janet (Jan 3, 2006)

> I think you are a very nice weight. And there are plenty of FAs who would be happy to have you as you are.



When I started this thread, I was feeling really freaked out about my relationship. Validating comments like yours, CurvaceousBBWlover, have helped to bolster my confidence. Thanks!

Tenacious


----------



## JoyJoy (Jan 3, 2006)

swamptoad said:


> Both of you are dating and getting to know one another. Don't change the way you are to meet his needs. Be happy, healthy, and be you.


 Hi Ten, 

I'm coming in late to this discussion, so I don't know if you've already had the conversation with him or not...but what toad said above rings true. Be true to yourself through all of this, and don't ever feel a need to change who you are simply to keep a man. 

That being said....this issue is one that I have struggled with, just as I believe many women (and men?) do. It all depends on the attitude with which he is doing it. I personally have preferences in men...I look at pictures of Sean Connery or Mel Gibson and get all tingly...but does that mean that the man in my life has to look like that? No...because the physical is only part of the attraction. I realize that we're working with a gender difference, but the concept could be similar for a man as well. Looking at pictures of women he finds attractive doesn't need to be a reflection of his feelings or attraction to you. Not to trivialize it, but...let's look at it in a different way. A man has a car he adores...one he has spent big bucks and many hours fixing up to be his dream car. Does that mean, if he checks out other cars and admires them that he feels any differently about his own car? I don't know how applicable this example is to your situation, and perhaps I'm getting too simplistic, but as I said, I have struggled with it and perhaps now I'm still trying to work it out in my head as well.  

If your boyfriend is showing you respect in other ways, and the relationship has strengths that could see you past this issue, then making him aware of how this makes you feel, without putting him on the defensive, could go a long way toward helping resolve it. If he's not willing to work with you to get past this, then perhaps, as others have said, it's time to move on?


----------



## Janet (Jan 3, 2006)

> demand respect from him. This implies telling him how his activities make you feel, because a lot of us guys can be pretty clueless in this regard.


 
Good point, Ed. We've been talking alot lately--and I think you're right. He is a bit "clueless". We have very different life experiences--and the things that trigger my insecurities are very different than his. In other words, he won't _get_ what I'm feeling unless I tell him. Now that he knows, it's just a wait and see if we can relate in a way that is mutually respectful and satisfying.

Jes, I think this relates to your question re: porn. Personally, I would be more upset if I knew that my partner was communicating intimately with someone else (on a porn site, or otherwise). Emotional intimacy would personalize what has previously been an object/admirer relationship. 

This issue is multi-layered, but that's my first thought.

Ten


----------



## Mini (Jan 3, 2006)

So, basically, this guy pleasures himself to *naughty* pictures and you feel that this is indicative of some flaw on your end?

I'll be blunt: Most guys jerk off. Some several times a day. It's natural. That in and of itself isn't weird or problematic.

You say you feel inadequate; is that the result of a lack of affection from him? This is obviously a touchy subject, but do you two have a sexual relationship, or are you not there yet? If you're not doing anything to satisfy his libido, he's going to take care of it however he can.

(And yes, I'm well aware how poorly that last line came out, but know that it's not said with malice.)

Not that you asked me, specifically, but it's hard to give good advice when one isn't dealing with the whole story.


----------



## Jes (Jan 3, 2006)

tenacious said:


> Good point, Ed. We've been talking alot lately--and I think you're right. He is a bit "clueless". We have very different life experiences--and the things that trigger my insecurities are very different than his. In other words, he won't _get_ what I'm feeling unless I tell him. Now that he knows, it's just a wait and see if we can relate in a way that is mutually respectful and satisfying.
> 
> Jes, I think this relates to your question re: porn. Personally, I would be more upset if I knew that my partner was communicating intimately with someone else (on a porn site, or otherwise). Emotional intimacy would personalize what has previously been an object/admirer relationship.
> 
> ...



Ten--what if he were subscribing, choosing to pay this person money, reading her personal blog, but not interacting with her beyond that. Still less anonymous than general free stuff in mags or online?


----------



## Jes (Jan 3, 2006)

Awwww 

Who Has 2 Squares Now, Eh? Who? Thass Right.


----------



## Aliena (Jan 3, 2006)

tenacious said:


> I've been lurking around for the last few weeks and I have to say that I'm honoured to have my first response from you, Chippy. I don't have cankles, but if I did, you be welcome to jump all over 'em!!
> 
> Seriously though, thanks.
> 
> ...



Unfortunately, this can be a double-edge sword! While it's great to be loved as a fat person, we must remember that it's even better to be loved as a PERSON. 

One thing I found disturbing about some FA's is that they wanted me to change what I was, it STILL wasn't good enough! I think the best lesson to be learned here is a person that loves you will fall in love with you, because of the person you are; not because of what you look like. You will find this to be true regardless of your size. 

As someone here wrote, there is a big difference between love and sex and in either case, what he is doing, is not good. If it's making you feel bad about yourself, then you need to speak up! 
Good luck--


----------



## Janet (Jan 3, 2006)

> Ten--what if he were subscribing, choosing to pay this person money, reading her personal blog, but not interacting with her beyond that. Still less anonymous than general free stuff in mags or online?



Jes, I suppose, for some men, there might be benefit to "monogamous porn use" as opposed to "serial anonymous porn use". (Ok, I can officially say that I never thought that I would be trying to come up with descriptors for this stuff ) 

In my case, with my life experience, and based on how I started this thread, I don't think I could handle it. Shucks, when I started this, I wasn't even thinking about paysites, etc. 



> So, basically, this guy pleasures himself to *naughty* pictures and you feel that this is indicative of some flaw on your end?


 
I'm trying to work out what is acceptable in a healthy relationship. My past experience (family and relationship) has been "less than ideal", so I decided to bring it here to get some perspective. (I've found the Dimensions boards to be a fair place where people can share very different viewpoints in a diplomatic fashion.)

In general terms, I felt disappointed that I may not be "big enough" physically or psychically to satisfy the person I love. 

He says that is not an issue.

I guess I'm just a narcissist at heart. I want his undivided attention!! 

Mini, I like having sex, anytime, anywhere. I've been happy to role-play. I've gained a bit of weight for fun. I'm happy to share looking at images or eat while we have sex. When it comes down to it, I seem to have a stronger sex drive than he does---at least when it comes to having sex with a real person. 

So why should I have to share my cookies when I can eat the whole box all by myself????:eat2: 

Well, you know what I mean  
Tenacious


----------



## Elfcat (Jan 3, 2006)

tenacious said:


> In the beginning, it was so affirming to "be" a "Big Beautiful Woman", but now, it feels like I'm the runner up body that he squeezes after he's filled his mind with bigger, more beautiful women.



Is there really a track? Is there really a train? And has the latter really taken its leave of the former?

Which is a really off the wall way of saying.... how do you know you're "not fat enough" for this partner of yours?

My fiancee encourages me to look at pictures of other BBWs, some heavier and some lighter than her. She knows I'm just very reactive to all things and people who strike my eyes as beautiful and that exposure to this puts me generally good mood.

The key is, she is the one who is there to take this good energy from me.

Talking to your partner about it is always a good thing, and you should encourage him to speak openly about how he feels. What does he say about the pictures he looks at? If it's something like "that's a nice pose" or "that's pretty lingerie", you will probably make his day by flaunting your body with him in similar ways, and after all, if he's such a regular subscriber, why the hell isn't he getting you some lingerie of your own with all that money?  I think casting yourself as the runner up is not the best metaphor. It's more likely that those pictures are a bowl of soup to get his mouth watering for the main course. <wicked grin>


----------



## Tad (Jan 3, 2006)

Elfcat said:


> It's more likely that those pictures are a bowl of soup to get his mouth watering for the main course. <wicked grin>



Oh, this just let me delete a draft post that failed to express the same idea less clearly. I totally second this! The male brain is is apparently wired to look around for attractive women (or men, depending on preference), and for that part of it that governs sex drive to wake up when it sees something new and interesting. But the vast majority of guys then take that energy to their partners.

-Ed


----------



## BBW Betty (Jan 3, 2006)

Aliena said:


> Unfortunately, this can be a double-edge sword! While it's great to be loved as a fat person, we must remember that it's even better to be loved as a PERSON.



This is something we all should remember when communicating with the important people in our lives.

I don't think there's anything wrong with acknowledging that someone else is attractive. We should all appreciate beauty wherever we find it. 

Tenacious, is he obsessed with looking at these pictures, does he _need_ them in order to get turned on? Then there's a problem. 

If he was willing to talk to you about it, that's great. How is he reacting to a new point of view? I'm hoping that opening up communication between the two of you will give you some answers. Good luck.

Betty


----------



## ChickletsBBW (Jan 3, 2006)

well dear..
I'm sorry that it seems there are others just like you AND myself.
My bf loves HUGE boobs.. like beyond reality big. And he has gigs of porn w/ skinny chicks w/ beyone reality size implants.. blah.. not attractive to me.. but that's my opinion.
You're not alone.. I just try and deal with it but like you.. it certainly upsets me when it seems like he'd rather stare at pics online instead of his cute gf he's got at home. *pouts* 
But anyway.. I deal with it and try and remind myself that I'm beautiful just the way I am, inside and outside.

 best of luck to you and don't let it get you down ok? 



tenacious said:


> Hi. I never thought that at 5'4" and 255lbs, I would feel inadequate, but it's starting to happen now that I'm dating an FA. He is regularly on the 'net seeking sexual satisfaction from images of BBWs/SSBBWs.
> 
> In the beginning, it was so affirming to "be" a "Big Beautiful Woman", but now, it feels like I'm the runner up body that he squeezes after he's filled his mind with bigger, more beautiful women.
> 
> ...


----------



## ssbbwlover2 (Jan 3, 2006)

It is a shame when people take for granted what they have with their gfs and seek to fulfill fantasies by viewing pictures on the internet. I personally prefer what I have with my gf who is a real person and not just a figment of my imagination.


----------



## Janet (Jan 11, 2006)

Hi, all and happy new year. 

I wanted to take a moment to thank you again for being so wonderfully supportive. While there are still many complex issues for me to sort through, I am so pleased and proud of how loving and responsive my partner has been. He has listened to my concerns, shared his perspectives, and expressed love for me and value in our relationship. 

There was a mountain, there was a molehill, there was a mole.

For those who encouraged more communication, I appreciate it. I was feeling so distressed that the simplest approach evaded me .

For those of you who encouraged decisive action (ie dump him)....I'm not ready for that yet. There are mistakes and misunderstandings, but at this point, I don't believe they are irreversible. 

I am heeding the spirit of that advice, though. There is a lifetime of being the "last one chosen" as a fat girl, so it's taking some time to finally be able to realize that not only will I not accept being "last", I am not willing to be "second" either. This counts in my relationship, but I'm realizing that it's even more important for me to come to with myself. 

Thank you again,

Still Tenacious


----------

