# How to tell about your fetish



## Miss_Scandinavia (Mar 27, 2006)

*Can you tell a new partner about your fat-fetish/fantasy?!*

Im just curious, and would like to hear other peoples opinion about this taboo subject:
_(I dont know if there already exists a thread about this)?_

Ive never told a boyfriend about my fetish (the one about fat, hehe), and the fact is, that I never had been together with a big guy.
I was in a relationship for about 3 years with a skinny/normal guy (and I have always loved to cook), and after 1½ year he had gain about 10 kg (not much, but better than nothing). I really enjoy seeing his clothes become tighter, but he didnt like the extra weight and didnt felt good about himself, and started dieting and exercising. I told him many times how sexy he looked, but in someway he maybe thought I just saying that to be nice.
*stamps my feet, and he wasnt fat at all, just a little chubby*

It was a really hard time for me, because I hated he was dieting and losing weight. Hated what I couldnt tell him about my fantasy, and hated myself because I was a bad person who didnt supported and encouraged his diet (but I didnt show him that). The most important was how he felt about himself. - Of course I loved him the same way, but it was such a turn off! 

Maybe Im crazy, but the only thing I can think about then Im in sexy-moods is fat (fat has to be a part of my fantasy), and sometimes I hate that I was born with this fetish. Still Im not extreme, I really like the lazy, out of shape, to much eating-look, but not extremely fat.

The next problem/challenge: I like the feeding/dominate/sweet-teasing part of gaining, and if/then I meet a new guy, and Id have the courage to tell him, that I would love to see him gain (and he accept this, but really dont share this fantasy with me), he would think that Im totally gal then Im stating teasing him (but still tell him how sexy his growing body is). Id love to weight him, measure him, be his personal doctor, use his fat rolls/and feed him in bed, see how his jiggling, etc.. But if he isnt in to this, it would be a kind of clumsy.

Maybe I just should become a nun, and move to a convent (a fat-nun-convent) *lol*

*Question:*
Have you ever told a boy/girl-friend about your fantasy? And do you have a success history to share?


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## Melian (Mar 27, 2006)

Well, I've never fully admitted, "I want you to gain weight" to any boyfriend, but I was once blessed with a gift: I met a guy who had been fat for most of his life, but through family pressures had dieted down to a very low weight. Seriously, all I had to do was say, "I think you're too thin" a couple times, and he started gaining! Went up ~ 80 lbs in the 2 years we dated.

Too bad he became VERY possessive/controlling, and I ultimately dumped him for it.

Now, just because I never tell men outright that I am an FFA, that doesn't mean they can't figure it out. I'm sure a few of them have speculated when they see pictures of old boyfriends or notice me perk up if they ever mention gaining. There's also the fact that I am not attracted to any thin actors (with the exception of Kyle MacLaughlin as Special Agent Dale Cooper :wubu: :wubu: ) and the way I am particularly attentive to them if they are stuffed after a meal.

Hehe...but no one ever calls me on it.


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## missaf (Mar 27, 2006)

I do not consider my love of fat a fetish. It's a way of life. I'm fat, I've always been fat, it's who I am. I embrace it in others as well as myself.

It's not a sexual fetish, it's just an overall way of life.


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## William (Mar 27, 2006)

Hi Missaf

I am like you fat and my fat is me!! Not a fetish and I have quite enough already 

William




missaf said:


> I do not consider my love of fat a fetish. It's a way of life. I'm fat, I've always been fat, it's who I am. I embrace it in others as well as myself.
> 
> It's not a sexual fetish, it's just an overall way of life.


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## bigdaddyj112419 (Mar 27, 2006)

My wife is a BBW and she never knew what that was till I told her about my love of Fat. I am a BHM and she prefers big burly guys like me. Guess we just got lucky finding eachother.


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## GrowingBoy (Mar 28, 2006)

>Maybe Im crazy, but the only thing I can think about then Im in >sexy-moods is fat (fat has to be a part of my fantasy), and sometimes I >hate that I was born with this fetish. 

Given the way you're wired, you need to decide how important this fantasy is to you. You need to do this soon, to avoid wasting a lot of time and energy. 

It seems like you have two choices:
a. You can focus on finding a partner who indulges the fantasy (not necessarily the same as making it real). 
b. You decide that having the fantasy fulfilled is not as important as other needs (emotional, spirtual, intellectual harmony). 

>if/then I meet a new guy, and Id have the courage to tell him

Whatever path you choose (a or b) you need to tell your dates about your fantasy early on, and be truthful about how important it is to you. If you need your partner to share it with you, you should say that. If you don't need your partner to share it, but you do need them to accept it, you can say that. Yes, it is risky to "come out" from the start, but there really is no other path -- hiding who you are will only waste time for both you and your partner. 

>Id love to weight him, measure him, be his personal doctor, use his fat >rolls/and feed him in bed, see how his jiggling, etc.. But if he isnt in to >this, it would be a kind of clumsy.

Yes, if you really want to live out the fantasy, you will need someone who wants to live it with you, in order for you to be happy. 

*Question:*
Have you ever told a boy/girl-friend about your fantasy? And do you have a success history to share?[/QUOTE]

Yes, I told several girlfriends about my fantasy. One girlfriend (who was large) liked the idea of fattening me up; we had an excellent physical relationship but broke up for other reasons. One didn't like the idea and broke up with me. Another (who was slender) wasn't put off by it, but wasn't into it either. Our physical relationship wasn't very good, but everything else was great. 

From this I conclude that it may not be easy to have everything -- but the important thing is knowing what is important to you.


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## AZ_Wolf (Mar 28, 2006)

I've never told anyone about it, but I only fully realized and decided to indulge myself in it 5 years ago.

Prior to that I always tried to maintain my weight, and while not a fanatic, did certainly spend my fair share in various gyms. In college I had a long relationship with someone who said weight didn't matter at all to her (and during our 2 1/2 year relationship did gain about 25 lbs, which for me was a lot), but at that time being heavier was still something I strove hard to avoid. So she soon realized my being heavier was something to avoid mentioning, etc. So nothing came of that situation.

Now that I'm heavier -- not very big by the standards of many of the guys here, but still big by conventional standards -- I figure if any woman expresses interest in me, either she's ambivalent about weight, or likes big guys. I already know plenty of sly ways to flitter around the subject to "feel her out" on it whenever there is a her, if we don't meet in a situation where it's abundantly obvious to begin with. But so far, I haven't had a chance to try any out.


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## inertia (Mar 28, 2006)

the guy i'm currently with is the first I've ever told about my interest in feederism. It's been obvious to previous partners that I like fat guys ('cause, well, they were fat and I liked them) but I'd never totally opened up about how I'd like to make them fatter...I thought it'd scare them off.
I wouldn't've told my current partner, either, but he actually asked about it and I was honest. He was completely nonplussed. 
It's been a relief to be totally open with someone for the first time, so I'd recommend it.
On the other hand, it's also been very disillusioning. Him knowing hasn't actually changed anything, because he's not interested in being fed. I don't even act out fantasies with him, let alone actually getting to fatten him. 
I feel very close to him and comfortable with him, but I'm not any more 'satisfied' than I was with other guys, because I still don't get to indulge my feeder fantasies. 
Ultimately, that's it- you're either going to be disenchanted, or not! I'd say just tell them. I guess my point is that 'coming out' about your fantasy will very likely be an anti-climax. I used to be terrified of someone knowing exactly what I think about when i- well, you know- but the fact is that it's only a big deal to me. Realising this has been a mixture of relief and disappointment.


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## Tad (Mar 28, 2006)

Yes this has been discussed before, but everyone is different, and it is fine to ask the same questions. I have never done the big reveal of my desires so much. Over time I slowly became more open with my wife, but I've never put it all into words--some parts I know from what she has said that she would either find not interesting or outright not attractive. Before her, well, uhh....see, I was kind of shy and nerdy, so.....I never had much of a relationship before I met her.

Oh, and I want to add, you ask really good questions, which seem to generate good discussion--so I'm doubly glad you found us!

-Ed


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## Tad (Mar 28, 2006)

Miss_Scandinavia said:


> Maybe Im crazy, but the only thing I can think about then Im in sexy-moods is fat (fat has to be a part of my fantasy), and sometimes I hate that I was born with this fetish. Still Im not extreme, I really like the lazy, out of shape, to much eating-look, but not extremely fat.




An off topic-question. You mention you like the "lazy, out of shape, too much eating look" It sounds like to you the lifestyle is an important part of the fantasy. Have you thought more about what sort of behavior or style you like in your fantasy, and why? 

For example, I've chatted with FFA who liked the idea of a fat and lazy guy who was generally very much into guy stuff--who spent his weekends watching sports on TV while drinking beer and eating snacks for example, while very interested in cars, sports, video games, etc. I've also chatted with FFA who like the idea of fat and lazy guy who was somewhat more effeminate, the sort of guy who got his nails manicured, would have no idea of how to change the oil in his car, and who cared about the thread-count in his sheets. It seemed to me that the reasons they were attracted to fat and lazy guys were very different.

I think it is very important to be open with yourself about what you fantasize about--in your case fat and lazy guys--even if you choose in real life not to go for someone exactly like that. But I think it can be quite interesting to dig deeper and try to understand what you associate with that fantasy, and what that says about the sort of relationship you are looking for, what sort of personality you would like, and so on.

Regards;

-Ed


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## Miss_Scandinavia (Mar 28, 2006)

*Melian:* Sorry to hear about your ex, but Im glad you get rid of him!
Lots of good points (too bad I dont have a photo album with chubby ex-boyfriends to show, and gives a hint hint hint). Well, its properly best to be honest, and if he dont run away, he maybe like the idea, or just because his out of shape *lol*

*Missaf/William:* Yah, I have realised there is different kinds of being a FA.

*bigdaddyj112419:* NICE to hear *thumbs up* It brings hope ;-)

*GrowingBoy:* Very well-considered wise respond, thanks. But do I have to choose one of those two examples? Hehe  I WANT the WHOLE package *stamps my feet* but youre so right, I know Id have to tell him about it from the beginning, and dont waste any more time. I know it would be hard to find all that in the same person, especially one who shares the exact same fantasy as I do *sigh*

*AZ Wolf:* I hope you one day would try it out for real, and maybe I also should invent some ways to flitter around the subject to "feel him out". I have ever done that (maybe because I always had denied my desire).

*Inertia:* That is exactly what Im frightened will happen (worst case scenario, that he knows your interest in feederism, but not share the desire), but I also think that youre right about; being honest is the way to go.

*Edx:* Thank you for posting some ideas (Ive to see the situation from more than one standpoints), and thanks for you compliments about my threats *big smile* and Im glad that I found this place.

Id never want a lazy boyfriend (only sometimes as a part of the sexually-act), but never as a lifestyle! There is a huge different between fantasy and reality. I was describing a body-shape I prefer ("the lazy, out of shape, too much eating look).
I properly never would meet a lazy guy, because I have an attraction to guys with lots of energy, interesting career and hobbies, whore curious of life-exploring and of course a weakness for lots of good food and the good life, but Id never aloud him get so fat, that it damages his normal life or healthy.


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## Tad (Mar 29, 2006)

Miss_Scandinavia said:


> Id never want a lazy boyfriend (only sometimes as a part of the sexually-act), but never as a lifestyle! There is a huge different between fantasy and reality. I was describing a body-shape I prefer ("the lazy, out of shape, too much eating look).
> I properly never would meet a lazy guy, because I have an attraction to guys with lots of energy, interesting career and hobbies, whore curious of life-exploring and of course a weakness for lots of good food and the good life, but Id never aloud him get so fat, that it damages his normal life or healthy.



Sure, what I was trying to say was that if you examine your fantasies and the look that appeals to you, maybe you learn more about some of your deeper desires. Is it because you love the idea of him giving in to sensual desires? Or because such a guy seems less powerful? Or because it suggests to you someone who is socially powerful so much that they can ignore what people think of their size? OR...or....or?

I'm not saying to tell us that. Just that you seem like someone who has the right way of thinking to be able to analyze your own desires, so I'm encouraging you to do so. No huge rush, just something to keep thinking about.

-Ed


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## Miss_Scandinavia (Mar 29, 2006)

Hi Edx 
Yes, I need a powerful man, a man who can give me some opposition 
 and that kind of a man would properly dont care about other peoples opinion.


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## ruby (Mar 29, 2006)

I have never been able to admit to a partner that I am a ffa. If my partner talks about dieting I just tell him that his weight is perfect and that If he lost he would be too thin for me. I just warn him that I find skinny disgusting. I have never been able to use the F-- word. I'm too shy. I do always tell my partner how good he looks and I always cook lots of his favorite foods. Even though I am verbally shy, I am not physically shy. I cannot keep my hands off of his belly. I think that should be a giveaway.


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## PolarKat (Mar 29, 2006)

Miss_Scandinavia said:


> *Can you tell a new partner about your fat-fetish/fantasy?!*
> Ive never told a boyfriend about my fetish (the one about fat, hehe), and the fact is, that I never had been together with a big guy.
> 
> Maybe Im crazy, but the only thing I can think about then Im in sexy-moods is fat (fat has to be a part of my fantasy), and sometimes I hate that I was born with this fetish. Still Im not extreme, I really like the lazy, out of shape, to much eating-look, but not extremely fat.



I don't think that attraction to fat is actually a fetish, as much a liking thin, taller, muscle, or short, is a fetish, it's more that you like a certain specific "look".. I don't think there's anything negative about it. 



Miss_Scandinavia said:


> The next problem/challenge: I like the feeding/dominate/sweet-teasing part of gaining, and if/then I meet a new guy, and Id have the courage to tell him, that I would love to see him gain (and he accept this, but really dont share this fantasy with me), he would think that Im totally gal then Im stating teasing him (but still tell him how sexy his growing body is). Id love to weight him, measure him, be his personal doctor, use his fat rolls/and feed him in bed, see how his jiggling, etc.. But if he isnt in to this, it would be a kind of clumsy.



With any fantasy, you really have to know the person well before you go and tell them. Who doesn't like playing doctor ..but they have to know you well enough to trust you, and you have to know them well enough to know what thier limit is. Like Ed had mentioned these things come over time, and it's most important to like a person for who they are, the rest is just "added benefits". Telling someone right away you like them because they have a certain feature doesn't work.. Most women with this, when we men can't look them in the eyes when having a conversation..


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## Miss_Scandinavia (Mar 29, 2006)

*PolarKat:* Thanks for posting. Maybe you dont have read my posts, because I could never fall in love with a man because of his fat, maybe thats why I never had been together with a fat man (I think Ive said that many times before).
I agree, its important to have a sense of occasion (thats important in every situations of life).


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## BigFusionNYC (Mar 29, 2006)

I've never hidden my love of fat and weight gain with the women I have dated. It's all been out in the open and quite clear that I enjoy being a fat guy and that there is a 97 percent chance that I will get fatter. (Well it's more like 100 but I didn't wanna seem OBSESSED lol) All in all they've all been receptive to it, some being FFA's, some being non-FFA's. I use that non-FFA term loosely with them because if they're with me, obviously they have some love for the fat. But on the other hand, I don't consider myself having a fetish, it's more of "I really enjoy this, on many levels". To me a fetish is something you can kind of hide from the world, if you're fat, it's out there, and quite visible to everyone that sees you lol.


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## Miss_Scandinavia (Apr 1, 2006)

*BigFusionNYC:* You're right... fetish isnt the right word to use, because in that case Id only prefer big guys then I was in the sexy-moods. You can call it a lifestyle but I think for my part, its more a force of attraction.

- Something I like to look at, something Id love to touch and something there turns me on.


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## itsjustme (Feb 4, 2007)

Hi , this is my first post. As a slim wannabe feedee i've suffered many an embarrassing moment when i've revealed my secret fantasy of gaining weight. Two relationships capsized because of it. I'd say its really down to pot luck if you find the right person.


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## roam929r (Feb 5, 2007)

I've been a FA since I was 12. My title of this post is WHY, so why would someone fantasize about something which makes you unhealthy, lazy, and over all fearful of not being able to find a mate. Unless your blessed to have your own little mutual gainer already. 

We all want to be happy so my question to everyone is WHY? Are we really this bored? Do we really have nothing better to do? Are we really willing to jepordize our health in the name of happiness?

Like I've said, been a FA since I was 12. It has ruined relationships and has started me on the path to figure out why someone has to have the thought of FAT in their mind to be aroused. 

The essence of life is happiness which involves a stable body, mind and spirit. 

The world is designed a certain way. Your either creating or your destroying. 

Question for everyone, how does someone gain weight on an Alkaline diet?

Thanks for listening,

Matt


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## littlelily (Feb 5, 2007)

SORRY! 
I was REALLY offended by this post because I think it pre-assumes that a preference for somebody who is overweight MUST be WRONG...I've stated my opinions (respectfully) below.



> I've been a FA since I was 12. My title of this post is WHY, so why would someone fantasize about something which makes you unhealthy, lazy, and over all fearful of not being able to find a mate. Unless your blessed to have your own little mutual gainer already.



WOAH...I don't mean to be contrary, but you're really leaping to some unfair stereotypes. A fat person is NOT necessarily "unhealthy, lazy, and over all fearful of not being able to find a mate."

One can be overweight and still be very active/healthy...My husband is significantly overweight, but we eat VERY healthy...no junkfood in our cupboards.

Likewise, somebody can be fat and NOT be lazy. In fact, I have personally found almost no correlation between body size and laziness. I know some shockingly thin people who are very lazy and some very heavy people who can't keep still.



> "over all fearful of not being able to find a mate"


While I agree that many people are attracted to the stereotypically thin physique we're bombarded with in advertising and popular culture, I disagree that an overweight person would automatically be "fearful of not being able to find a mate"...time and time again studies have proven that there is a wide range of sizes/shapes that each gender is attracted to. In fact, most women (myself included) are surprised when the majority of men prefer slightly over-curvy to slightly underweight. Pop culture would make you assume otherwise. 

It is perhaps more difficult to hook up with the right person when you're better looking than everybody else (what??? Big guys ARE better looking...that's all I'm saying:wubu: ) but I don't know if you can jump to "fearful of not being able to find a mate"




> We all want to be happy so my question to everyone is WHY? Are we really this bored? Do we really have nothing better to do? Are we really willing to jepordize our health in the name of happiness?



I find this bit offensive, sorry, but what does boredom have to do with preference??? My husband prefers blondes, does that mean he's bored??? My brother only thinks Asian women are pretty, does than mean he has nothing better to do??? And as I mentioned previously, being overweight does not AUTOMATICALLY mean that you are 'jeopardizing your health' that is simply NOT TRUE. 



> Like I've said, been a FA since I was 12. It has ruined relationships and has started me on the path to figure out why someone has to have the thought of FAT in their mind to be aroused.



Self discovery is important, and I'm sorry you've had negative experiences in the past.



> The essence of life is happiness which involves a stable body, mind and spirit.



I think the _essence of life _is FAR more complicated than that, and you are oversimplifying when you randomly state that a "stable body, mind and spirit" means you are automatically 'happy'. Happiness is a complicated emotion, my friend. What you've stated here is just a nice greeting-card philosophical statement. It means nothing.



> The world is designed a certain way. Your either creating or your destroying.



What are you suggesting is being destroyed by my preference for a bigger guy?? My husband and I have CREATED a wonderfull life together. I love who he is (and what he looks like!) if we hadn't met, it's quite possible that neither of us would be in such a wonderfull relationship...so again, how does preference mean destruction??



> Question for everyone, how does someone gain weight on an Alkaline diet?



No idea. 

But an 'Alkaline diet' is another fad...It's essentially the same as Pritkin, or the opposite of Atkins...there are as many naysayers as supporters. Being healthy is simple: Eat from all of the food groups, get your lipid levels checked regularily to make sure they are healthy, stay active.

"Thorough scientific studies are lacking on the alkaline diet. Many conventional doctors do not believe in the alkaline diet."
C. Wong, _Your guide to alternative medicine_

Overall, your post makes a lot of assumptions that are simply not true...I would encourage you not to believe everything you hear re: overweight people, people who have preferences for overweight people, oversimple sound-bite philosophy and fad 'healty' diets.


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## LoveBHMS (Feb 5, 2007)

You say you're an FA, and then you say that being fat would prevent somebody from finding a mate.

So if we think this through, slowly...

1. There are fat girls

2. As an FA, you are attracted to fat girls

3. Fat girls won't have trouble finding mates since FA's want to mate with them.

Am I missing something here? Also: boredom. WTF does boredom have to do with physical attraction. I mean it's not like I only check out fat guys when I have nothing else to do. Seriously? I've checked out fat guys at the gym, on a job interview, being out in a bar watching football, at work, walking in the park....in other words, when I'm busy doing things I check out fat guys. In fact, the more things I'm busy doing, the more likely I am to find hot fat men to look at.

You don't clarify how being an FA has ruined relationships. If you've dated fat girls and you like fat girls, what is the problem? If you like fat girls and date skinny girls and the relationships get 'ruined' because you simply aren't attracted to your partner, the simple and obvious solution is to quit beating yourself up over something as harmless as liking fat girls, and start dating them.

I mean we're just talking about a preference for a certain physical type here. Your angst over it is really puzzling. I can understand feeling some angst if you were like a pedophile or something, then you'd be f***d, but an FA? Come on, relax already and go find a nice, confident, relaxed, fun, fat girl with whom you share some common interests and go out with her.


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## Girly (Feb 5, 2007)

Yeah, I too totally did not get Matt's post.

This thread is really interesting and has brought up a lot of good points, in addition to the controversial/bizarre stuff from Matt, but here is what I want to say:

--I understand that for lots of people on this site, FA is not a fetish, it's just a way of life, a preference, a reality, whatever. For some of us, though, it _is_ a fetish. The difference to my mind being that the physical attribute (e.g, the belly) or the physical act (e.g, eating too much) is the trigger turn-on, not just like "oh, that's a big person and I think they're cute." In real life for me, I'm attracted to people--plenty of whom are thin, bigger, whatever--but I get "triggered"--like an immediate, startling switch has been thrown--by seeing overeating or evidence thereof. And the stories I read when I want to, uh, do that thing  are not about sex per se at all--they're about food courts. So it's a fetish for me, for sure.

--So, re: Matt's post, I know some people have a fetish for a person being incapcitated by weight or some other factor (there's a huge "sleepy" fetish out there, for example, where just descriptions of people being sleepy are porn!), but it's not correct to assume that's why all people on here are FA. I for one would find unhealthiness or sadness sexy. I DO, however, find _indulgence_ sexy...that's a big part of it for me. But there's a huge difference.

--And yeah, I don't think having a fetish, or a preference, or an attraction to a type has anything to do with boredom. I have long been thinking about fetishes in general and find it fascinating how little we know about their whys and wherefores (for example, the British and the Japanese, more than some other cultures, seem to *really* know/explore their fetishes--why?!) but think it has nothing to do with boredom.

--I also do think it's possible for heavy people to be unhappy with how they look, or to use food to self-medicate, just as anorexics are very unhappy with how they look, or use the lack of food as punishment...and eating disorders, which equal unexplored psychological pain in my mind, are NO turn on for me. Just saying. But I think super-skinny or super-heavy or anything in between could be hot, if the person is enjoying their body. Ultimately, isn't that the hottest thing--someone who ENJOYS their body?

Ok, long enough rant!

And hey, William, what are your other fetishes?! :happy:


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## lemmink (Feb 6, 2007)

I don't find laziness terribly sexy either. 

Hm, my comments on the original topic:

I'm in a relationship in which I'm open about my FFAism and my desire to stuff my boyfriend with donuts until he makes little sad faces. He started off a v. skinny little person too! The whole FFA admission started off with me saying that I noticed he'd put on a the few pounds since I'd last seen him, and that they were HOT. Then it was him not believing me, and then me spending hours just petting his tummy and him finally getting it and then it all spiraled on from there.

He's the first person I've ever come out to, and it dramatically changed our relationship - he now does a lot of belly flashing in public to make me blush. & he likes to tease the heck out of me by eating and poking and squeezing his pudge. It's rather... nice. I get to satisfy my feeder-desires and he gets to get a cute pudgier body, so it all works out nicely.

We're not exactly a typical FA kind of relationship because even now, after gaining around 20-30 pounds, he's still more average than chubby, but I've become so fond of his sticky-out belly that I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's been about a year and a quarter now and I'm still waiting for SOMETHING HORRIBLE TO GO WRONG. I feel very very lucky that I happened to come out at the right time to the right guy...


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## fatlilboy (Feb 6, 2007)

To find someone who takes pleasure in fattening me up. It's something that can only be appreciated by those like us. I must tell you all that life is too short to NOT indulge in this fantasy if it's a part of your inner soul. It is ALWAYS a part of mine and without it, there is no sex, no fun, no laughter, no intimacy, no honesty. You need to be honest with yourself and with him. I have long agreed to myself that I would share this with whomever I dated or ended up with and if they couldn't accept it, I moved on. It's part of you....don't give it up and don't ever hide it...EVER!!:batting:


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## Admiral_Snackbar (Feb 6, 2007)

I worry that we too quickly ascribe our interests as 'fetishes', especially when trying to explain to non-FA/FFAs, who more often than not will consider that word to have very negative connotations. People still associate the term 'fetish ball' to parties where everyone is dressed in leather/latex/vinyl and bondage gear, when in fact it's just a BDSM costume/lifestyle group. In the world of PC, it's important to be aware of and be able to defend the distinction when you tell someone you have a 'fat fetish'. 

The actual definition is _"an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression"_. 

If you get off at the size of a tummy getting bigger, or are preferentially turned on by a bigger man/woman's belly rather than thinner people, I see it as a Preference. If not, then I have foot, breast, belly, butt, eye, hair, and kitty issues that I haven't even reconciled yet  

If you simply cannot get aroused sexually without the presence of a huge belly, the thought of getting fatter or some physical connection (softness, size, weight, etc.) then that is what I call a Fetish. This means that I would not be turned on sexually at all by my skinny girlfriend with the flat tummy. Then again, it could be a six-pack abs fetish issue with me (Don't have a skinny gf/wife, just saying).


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## jdwhitak (Feb 11, 2007)

scandi, why do you feel compelled to tell your boyfriend about your preference? he's your boyfrined not your psychiatrist.

i think it is ok to keep some secrets from your boyfriend. especially if they might be potential deal breakers. but if you really want to tell him why don't you feel him out on the subject. drop some hints or ask some specific questions and see how he responds


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## Buckeye Born (Feb 11, 2007)

As a BHM, I would love to hear my partner tell me that she would like me to gain weight, if that is her fantasy. Since guys like numbers, even mentioning a number of pounds she would like me to gain as a goal is enjoyable. However, it doesn't work the other way for me. As much as I would like to see my partner gain weight as well, I would never ask her to gain or tell her how much to weigh. I just try to be supportive and praise her body, and try not to be too overly joyful when she says she has put on a few pounds.


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## FFAKAT (Feb 13, 2007)

I always have told past bf about me being a Feeder. Say around the 3 month mark if I feel they would be a potential good bf in other areas as well. I have had much sucess.. 200lbs from bf, 50lbs or so with another, working on a new one as well(about 15 now). I can't say that these guys are Feedees to begin with, but they do like eating and keeping me happy.
I of course want the super huge immobile guy or at least 500++lb guy...but thats difficult to get someone to gain too... But should I give up and settle for a slimmer guy?...life seems to short to do that. Or just try to grow my own...I don't take no for an answer very well amd am totally against weight loss. I just keep the food coming..no matter how reluctant they are!!:eat1: 
and hope they see the great benefits, totally lazy, no cooking or cleaning they have to do, be worshipped over and have great food whenever they want. Why not?!?


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## SeekerSean (Feb 13, 2007)

I've admitted it to an ex. At first she said she didn't want to gain any weight, and was actually trying to lose weight (which is how it came up, cause she couldn't figure out why I didn't want her to lose weight).

After a year or so, however, she decided she wanted to gain for me. And she had gained about 50 lbs. around the time she dumped me (which had nothing to do with the weight gain. All I'll say about that situation is, don't trust anyone you meet online that you don't live an hour away from...scratch that, ten minutes away from.).

Sean


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## LenstaSF (Feb 13, 2007)

I have always been attracted to larger women, but have never considered it a fetish, more just that's the body type that turns me on...


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## imfree (Feb 13, 2007)

You'd BETTER tell your partner!!! I'm an FA and LOVE gaining, myself. I stopped gaining at 400lbs. It took a few years for my body to adjust. I am profoundly insulin resistant. I've been on oxygen for three years, but my oxygen needs are decreasing. I'm happy and healthy, despite all this!
I find BBW's and SSBBW's erotically attractive. I married a BBW in
1984. She hated herself because of her obesity. I lost sexual desire for her
whenever she mentioned or succeeded in weight loss. My marriage was a painful, literal, 14-year-long emergency. I was not fully aware of how profound of an FA I really was!
I have wept thousands of tears and can say this from a true heart,
be aware of your preference and be honest with your partner at the beginning
of your relationship. FOR GOD's SAKE, DON'T REPEAT MY MISTAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Edgar


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## imfree (Feb 14, 2007)

FFAKAT said:


> I always have told past bf about me being a Feeder. Say around the 3 month mark if I feel they would be a potential good bf in other areas as well. I have had much sucess.. 200lbs from bf, 50lbs or so with another, working on a new one as well(about 15 now). I can't say that these guys are Feedees to begin with, but they do like eating and keeping me happy.
> I of course want the super huge immobile guy or at least 500++lb guy...but thats difficult to get someone to gain too... But should I give up and settle for a slimmer guy?...life seems to short to do that. Or just try to grow my own...I don't take no for an answer very well amd am totally against weight loss. I just keep the food coming..no matter how reluctant they are!!:eat1:
> and hope they see the great benefits, totally lazy, no cooking or cleaning they have to do, be worshipped over and have great food whenever they want. Why not?!?


Hi FFAKAT,
Hahaha!!!, If you were 47, I'd go for it!!! I'm 5'8", 51 yrs old, and 400lbs.
I cook a little, myself, and LOVE to cuddle!!!
Edgar


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## imfree (Feb 14, 2007)

I'm like that, too.
Edgar


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## butterflyblob (Feb 20, 2007)

I don't totally get the "boredom" and some other aspects of Matt's post, but I can understand some of the frustration.



> Come on, relax already and go find a nice, confident, relaxed, fun, fat girl with whom you share some common interests and go out with her.


Speaking exclusively from my own (limited) personal experience, this sounds a whole lot easier than it is. Maybe it's an age issue (I'm 22; the oldest guy I've dated was 26 at the time), but I haven't had a whole lot of luck finding _confident_ fat guys. I have no doubt that they exist; it just hasn't been my good fortune to come across any of them. As a result, when I have told the guys I've dated about my desires, their responses have tended towards the negative. This has been a contributing factor in the demise of most of my relationships.

I really appreciate the point missaf made earlier that's it's a way of life, not a fetish. Right now I'm working on doing a better job of incorporating my desires into my life, rather than compartmentalizing them as something to be, if not outright ashamed of, at least surreptitious about. Does that even make any sense?



> He's the first person I've ever come out to, and it dramatically changed our relationship - he now does a lot of belly flashing in public to make me blush. & he likes to tease the heck out of me by eating and poking and squeezing his pudge. It's rather... nice. I get to satisfy my feeder-desires and he gets to get a cute pudgier body, so it all works out nicely.


Ooh, lemmink, I'm jealous! :smitten:


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## AnyaDServal (Feb 21, 2007)

Before I met my current boyfriend- who doesn't count in this discussion because I met him through an FA site, so we both knew what we were into from the start- I had a series of relationships where this issue came up, and I'd imagine it comes up for most FAs and FFAs at some point or another.

What I've found out is that being honest and open about what you like and are into once you're established in the relationship works out best. Being ashamed or afraid or nervous about what you are attracted to, at least in my experience, only hampers the relationship and you always have to feel like you're hiding something- which leads to feelings of guilt and shame, etc. If it's just a fling, well, I don't think they necessarily need to know, but for any long-term relationship, I've always felt it's best to get it out into the open in some way or another. 

Of course, breaking the news is always the hardest part. I think you just need to figure out the appropriate time and place, and gauge what you think your partner's reaction will be. 

I've never personally been in a relationship where this backfired horribly, though if it does, you might want to rethink whether or not this is the kind of person you want to be dating. If they cannot respect- they do not have to ACCEPT or AGREE- but respect your feelings, they're probably not the best choice.

Just my two cents on the issue.


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## nico7_uk (Feb 22, 2007)

What an interesting thread - I have told a few girlfriends about my fantasies about being fed and fattened. Before I told them I would tend to imagine that they were into it, and was alert to any meals they made me...I always started to wonder if they might be feeders! When I did tell them however I had my bubbles burst a few times.. Two exes didn't mind at all and used to play along even though they weren't into it - this was fun and I loved it but it was a little hollow as I knew that it wasn't real. One was quite against it and told me sex was ruined for her because what I was thinking about was too disturbing for her, and this was sad as it was a great relationship. My present girlfriend found it a little shocking, and said right away she would never encourage me in that - she will play with my belly as a part of foreplay though (I LOVE that) and our sex life is great. But she also has started to make it clear she would find me sexier if I lost some weight! 

So this brings me to a question - how important is a sexual fetish to a relationship? Ive always managed without a feeder, but who knows what I am missing, I mean the fantasies are terribly powerful, and the desire to surrender to someone and gain is really strong.. And how important to a life? Sadly i am a bit schizo about this, it seems that in autumn and winter I want to gain but summer I want to surf and be active..so being a feedee as a way of life I would find limited - there are too many things i love doing that would be tough if i was very fat, so I might find it painful if I took it too far. 

I find my fetish is an important part of who I am, and something very tender in me is expressed by it somehow, and I would love to be with someone who understood and appreciated it...That said, it is not all of me, I need to be about more than a fetish and so do my relationships

Anyway I do believe its worth sharing, I want to be loved for all of me not just the bits I can show my Auntie...so for that reason I tell! If its a secret I always feel that Im not fully there, they don't fully know me, and I worry that if they knew they would hate me and end it (I was gutted when one did!) 

Well anyway theres my thoughts, and sorry there's so much of it, once I get started about this it all comes out...! Its great to read all your posts, and good to know there are other guys like me and girls like you we were obviously made for...stay well


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## rabbitislove (Feb 23, 2007)

I've found it to be terrifying to tell at all, due to internalized fatphobia. The first boyfriend I told was abusive and told me I wasn't healthy. I became super ashamed and only dated skinny guys for a year afterwards.

I didn't tell my most recent ex (who my first post was about). I felt we were too close of friends and he's constantly trying to lose weight, so I thought why bother? Now with my current boyfriend, I think he's wierded out, although he tells me he's comfortable with his body. He jokes about it, as if its wierd and moves my hand away if I try to touch his tummy.

I'm not into feederism at all, just admiration. I wonder when I can admire and not feel like some kind of freak. :doh:


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## FeederFemme (Jul 10, 2007)

This is interesting to read as I have just recently told my boyfriend of 2 years how I feel. It took me a long time to even consider mentioning it. Our love is so strong but I was afraid that it might be lost, that I might scare him off. He was chunky when I met him and has steadily been gaining naturally over time. I've always said that I don't find skinny guys that attractive, so I guess it wasn't totally out of the blue. Still, he said he was surprised that I specifically find his weight gain arousing - not because he thought it was weird or perverse - but because he hadn't thought to look at it in that way. 

He admitted he had noticed how much more touchy-feely and sexual I had been being lately but that he didn't know what it was that caused it. He says he likes being fatter, and agreed with me that it seems more manly somehow, and since he has been thinking of BHM/FFA concept he has said that he does find it a turn on to see me get so aroused by his gaining. He's even explicitly said that he will gain as much as I want him to! What an amazing gift he is to my life, to make so many sacrifices for me, to understand me and to love me regardless of my quirks.

So, overall, I am glad that I told him. I do have occasional moments of doubt and regret, but only because I am sometimes paranoid that he is only doing this to please me and not because he enjoys it. However, as time goes on, I can see how much he does in fact enjoy the whole process of me spoiling him and loving on his chub! Our sex life has always been great but now it's truly WOW! I say go for it, but maybe wait to see if he would be receptive to your point of view going by how he's reacted to other revelations in the past. Also, when you tell your man, try telling him in an objective way. For example, I had asked my partner to share a fantasy he hadn't told me one night when we were snuggled up and, when he asked me, I told him about this...but kind of like it was a story instead of saying "I'd really love it if you'd get fatter for me". Be understanding and above all respectful of his opinion. If my partner had been hostile to the idea I would have let the fantasy continue in my imagination and left it at that. Love is more important to me than anything else. :wubu:


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## Solarbip (Jul 15, 2007)

OMFG you're the woman of my dreams! You FFA chicks fucking OWN!


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## ThatIsThat (Apr 3, 2008)

I wouldn't describe myself as a FFA, per se... the men and women I have been attracted to are never anything more than what I would describe as "chubby". The biggest appeal to me is the short term appearance of a stomach after being overindulged, so I definitely have more of a stuffing/feeding fetish.
The only person I have told is my current boyfriend, who was 5'9" and 135 (yes, tiny, but quite sexy) when we met. I am an avid baker, so would bake him something naughtily unhealthy every week (like chocolate caramel brownies or rich french toast muffins, etc.) and noticed that he was gaining slowly but surely. He is incredibly satisfying sexually, and also very emotionally, so we thus had/have a great relationship. I finally decided to tell him after we had sex for the first time (both of us were virgins-- yes, I'm young) since I felt if I can share myself with him that much physically, he deserves to know the truth about me. When I told him I was so nervous he'd be greatly turned off and would think I was a freak, but he was very calm about it, and agreed to let me touch his belly whenever I wanted, but wanted to limit any overindulging sessions to once a month, for health reasons. I was beyond delighted, and even though I was a very sexual person and we did sexual things almost every day, this just turned it up an extra notch, which he obviously loves! As he says, what guy would really complain about being fed delicious food and then getting sexed afterwards?
Our five month anniversary is coming up and he's gone from about 135 pounds to about 147, and looks even sexier than before, imho (though still very thin by anyones standards).
So if you're thinking about telling your bf about this fetish, I would definitely recommend waiting until you feel completely comfortable physically with him as well as emotionally... you don't want someone who won't be supportive, even if they chose not to participate. Hope that helps!


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## liketowatch (Apr 6, 2008)

My boy has known that I like people with some "substance" since we first started dating. He has always been overweight and the idea surprised him, but it was a happy surprise. Over the past 3 years I've slowly revealed more about what I like, and so has he. I don't think it is so much a coming out as it is a mutual sharing of what turns us on. 

For me, I'd consider fat/stuffing to be a fetish and my first memory of that 'strange feeling' regarding bellies was back when I was a young child. Nothing else gives me quite the same pleasure. He doesn't understand it or share my taste, and I haven't gotten around to describing every part of it (it will happen), but he is satisfied to know that I love his body. I don't share his fantasies as much as he'd like either, but I play along too and he likes that.

I wouldn't ask him to gain weight for my fantasies because I worry about his health and I am fine separating fantasy from reality. I sometimes believe that the feelings I imaging and am experiencing in my head do not actually exist in real life, so there isn't much motivation to try to create it.


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## belly (Apr 12, 2008)

i am a woman, who is attracted to men, however, my fantasies are always involving women's bellies, doesn't really matter what size, as long as there is some fat, i also love fat on guys, but always somehow end up with skinny ones, and i find skinny boring. i used to hate my own belly fat, and did anything and everything to avoid it, now i do have some serious belly fat, and i love it, and love when someone else loves it, i'd like to find a belly fetish woman to play with, but like yourself, don't know how to go about telling another woman that i would like to smoosh her belly! and that i want her to smoosh mine!


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## Power_Metal_Kitsune (Apr 20, 2008)

and it is in no way a fetish, it is an orientaion. My current boyfriend is 6'5 and 270, and I am proud as all hell to be seen with him, since he is both sexy and sweet. I resent the term "fetish" in this case. Just tell your man what you are. I mean, if he dumps you, it is clear it won't work anyway. It's that simple.


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## belly (Apr 21, 2008)

it's not a fetish?


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## cammy (Apr 21, 2008)

Fetish or not - its not easy to tell your partner anything that is not totally mainstream and socially acceptable. Whenever I send my girlfriends a forward with the standard buff, they email back with such comments as, "My computer shut down cause it got too hot!" Now being an FFA, is odd that I'd be forwarding such emails, but I do it as a community service for all those twisted ladies who still believe that sleeping with a board is better than sleeping with a cushion. Seriously, soft pillow, soft bed, cuddly covers - only makes sense to cuddle up with a soft belly, too. Sorry for getting so off topic.

I finally came "out" to my hubby (who was my boyfriend at the time) when he came out to me about how he's been fat his whole life, how he was treated, how it made him feel and that he was then at his all time heaviest, was serious about loosing weight and wanted my support. For him, maintaining a weight of 220 lbs is absolute torture, so I came "out" as much for him as for me.


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## belly (Apr 22, 2008)

exactly! and especially since i myself have always been made to feel shamed for any bit of extra padding i my have had! /have!


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## mergirl (Apr 23, 2008)

i think that when you meet a new partner you should just tell them about guys/women that you think are hot..that are fat on tv or films etc...
that coupled with your satisfied moans as you squeeze thier curvy bits should make sure they know what you like!! lol
and i'm sure that most people would be happy that you desire them so much sexually..
i for one would rather be worshipped than slightly desired!
xmer


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