# Photos on dating sites



## The Educator (Jun 23, 2011)

Isn't it frustrating how BBWs more often than not, hide all their sexy, fleshy bits on their dating profile pics? I can't see who has a beautiful double chin, fleshy arms etc.

Disclaimer: I do care about personality as well, but that's even harder to see on a dating profile


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jun 23, 2011)

If the woman doesn't like those bits of herself, she's not going to show it. If she doesn't find the picture flattering, why would she post it? Trying to find a partner is about looking good and if she thinks a picture showing flabby arms or tummy is not her looking good, then why would she post it?


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jun 23, 2011)

If the goal is to get messages on dating sites, pics hiding your double chin and your love handles is going to mean you get FEWER messages. If you're a fat person, it's going to be apparent you're fat regardless of how much of your body you hide. People who aren't going to be attracted to fat people, well, they're not going to be interested no matter how many MySpace angles you use. And even if you DO manage to deceive those kinds of people into thinking you're thin enough for them, what are you going to do when they want to meet you and you look nothing like what they expect? No, what you want is for your photo to capture the interest of people who ARE attracted to what you REALLY look like... fat body and all. So for those people, *showing off* your body can only increase the number of messages you're going to get. 

OKCupid did an entire blog post on this concept a while back.. it was really informative. It turns out that having some people think you're ugly and others think you're beautiful actually garners you MORE messages having some think you're cute and others thinking you're beautiful. Here's an excerpt:



> But our advice can apply to anyone. Browsing OkCupid, I see so many photos that are clearly designed to minimize some supposedly unattractive traitthe close-cropped picture of a person who's probably overweight is the classic example. We now have mathematical evidence that minimizing your "flaws" is the opposite of what you should do. If you're a little chubby, play it up. If you have a big nose, play it up. If you have a weird snaggletooth, play it up: statistically, the guys who don't like it can only help you, and the ones who do like it will be all the more excited.



Here's a link: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-mathematics-of-beauty/


----------



## penguin (Jun 23, 2011)

If you're on a regular dating site, then posting photos that show all of that usually results in idiots emailing you to let you know you're fat. You know, in case you hadn't noticed yourself.

A dating site is NOT a menu. These women aren't posting pictures or details for your spank bank or to your specification. They post what they think are nice photos of themselves, not what turns you on.


----------



## Chimpi (Jun 23, 2011)

I would much rather show more of myself, show myself in a less attractive light or show myself in a more embarrassing way than try to present a "better," less accurate version of myself. Of course I've always been this way, but it's an interesting perspective that BigBeautifulMe has shown. I'd much rather someone be interested with a fuller knowledge of me (physically and/or descriptively) than someone be interested with a more condensed, "pampered" version of me.

I have nothing against people not showing pictures of themselves they find unflattering, or holding back more representative photos of themselves for people they're in deeper communication with; it's just not what I do.


----------



## BigBeautifulMe (Jun 23, 2011)

For whatever it's worth (maybe nothing! ), penguin, that hasn't been my experience. I have a few full-body shots on my dating profiles (even on non-fat related dating sites) and I get quite a few messages. Only a handful of times have I ever gotten people sending me hateful remarks. It's been a while since I emptied my OKCupid inbox and I have 616 in there... haha. That will take a while to clean out! But out of all of those I think only one or two were anti-fat.


----------



## CarlaSixx (Jun 24, 2011)

Actually, I have to agree with the description thing. When I changed my pictures and profiles to state that I was fat, and even showed it, I stopped getting messages from guys picking on me for being fat, and got better messages, actually. But not everyone is going to be comfortable enough with themselves to be that "honest" in a profile.


----------



## The Educator (Jun 24, 2011)

BigBeautifulMe said:


> If the goal is to get messages on dating sites, pics hiding your double chin and your love handles is going to mean you get FEWER messages. If you're a fat person, it's going to be apparent you're fat regardless of how much of your body you hide. People who aren't going to be attracted to fat people, well, they're not going to be interested no matter how many MySpace angles you use. And even if you DO manage to deceive those kinds of people into thinking you're thin enough for them, what are you going to do when they want to meet you and you look nothing like what they expect? No, what you want is for your photo to capture the interest of people who ARE attracted to what you REALLY look like... fat body and all. So for those people, *showing off* your body can only increase the number of messages you're going to get.
> 
> OKCupid did an entire blog post on this concept a while back.. it was really informative. It turns out that having some people think you're ugly and others think you're beautiful actually garners you MORE messages having some think you're cute and others thinking you're beautiful. Here's an excerpt:
> 
> ...



I totally agree.


----------



## The Orange Mage (Jun 24, 2011)

I did the same with my pictures on OKCupid. I played up my oddness and skinniness and people loved it. I got maybe one semi-negative comment about it. Ever.

And when I am on a site as such, I pretty much don't consider any chubby chicks whose photos glaringly try to hide their bodies. The message reaches me loud and clear.


----------



## cinnamongirlky (Jun 26, 2011)

*I can't hide my double chin, you can see it in my profile pic here! ;-)

A lot of people are scared of rejection, maybe? I don't know. I am finally learning to love myself, fat and all....so I am not ashamed to show my body. Hmm, guess I need to take more pics of myself, huh? ;-)*


----------



## AnnMarie (Jun 26, 2011)

I agree with just showing/being who you are. 

I am very clear in my profile and messages that I'm a confident, happy fat girl and if you're not into that then you should keep moving. 


I never get negative/fat-hating messages anymore. They know it's not going to get anywhere, they're not hurting me, I beat them to the punch. 

I think it's just about being true to who you are - so if you're happy and fun and cool with your body and self, then show it. It will only benefit you in the long run.


----------



## PhatChk (Jun 26, 2011)

Even though right now I have closed all my dating ad's. When I post pics I make sure to post pictures with very little make-up and to post a full body picture. I want them to know exactly what I look like. No surprises...usually the jokes on me. They never look like their pic -_-


----------



## superodalisque (Jun 27, 2011)

there has to be truth in advertising. you're looking for a partner. you're fat. if you hide it you're asking for trouble. its the same as telling a lie. if a person is insecure they don't have to show every last crevice of their body. they can wear decent yet covering clothes but show who they are as far as size goes. if someone is really so out of sorts with their fat body they need to work on their own issues because if they can't love themselves they probably aren't ready to love anyone else either. people need to be who they are and let the people who can and will love that and stop setting themselves up for failure.

in a profile i wouldn't make a big deal out of being fat or even showing how "confident" about it. that just screams insecurity. people can see who you are anyway. if you do all you'll attract is a bunch of folks who like to prey on what they think is an insecure fat person. be you and be strong in that. fat isn't all that someone is. they have to have more to offer than just a mound of flesh--unless attracting users is the goal. the people who like what they see and read will say hi. that's all anyone needs right? --the one who actually likes them.


----------



## penguin (Jun 27, 2011)

I never tried to hide that I was fat in my photos, and said I was in my profile. But there's a big difference between representing yourself honestly and posting shots from the menu posted earlier in the thread, ones that read like a shopping list for the spank bank.


----------



## LovelyLiz (Jun 27, 2011)

Like others have said, when I was doing online dating, I made sure to have very, very clear photos of what my body looked like, how fat I was, etc. It's partly because of all the stories you hear about a guy being horrified when he sees a girl who didn't look like the picture, and tried to bail out ASAP...I NEVER wanted that to happen to me. I mean, I put in pictures where I thought I looked good - but also that gave a really realistic picture of my body and fat self.

I once went out with a guy who was at least 60 pounds heavier than the picture he posted online. The online photo was a thin/average sized guy, and when I met him he had a pretty sizable belly. Now, I wouldn't have had a problem with his belly or appearance at all (I am attracted to many body types), but the fact that he was deceitful in his profile was a huge turnoff.


----------



## miafantastic (Jun 28, 2011)

A couple years ago, one online guy met me wearing the exact same outfit he had on his profile picture. Thing is, his current body was in a completely different state. At one point, he started riffin' about those tricky Myspace poses and such and I was just ... dead. I mean, hello? I'm getting mad giggles just thinking about that mess. So ridic.


----------



## bigmac (Jun 28, 2011)

PhatChk said:


> Even though right now I have closed all my dating ad's. When I post pics I make sure to post pictures with very little make-up and to post a full body picture. I want them to know exactly what I look like. No surprises...usually the jokes on me. They never look like their pic -_-



Exactly!!!

When I met my wife to be IRL the first thing I thought was "good she looks just like her picture."


----------



## ignorantmonkey (Oct 7, 2011)

Is OK to try to hide what they consider not attractive...on regular dating sites. I have belonged to dating sites for BBWs and their admirers...but is same thing: They hide their body shapes..they hide their arms... Don't they realize guys into BBW dating sites want all of that?


----------



## Melian (Oct 7, 2011)

Did you see that, ladies? 

Post more skin or you won't get messages from ignorantmonkey.

I can hear those flashes going off already!


----------



## ignorantmonkey (Oct 7, 2011)

Melian said:


> Did you see that, ladies?
> 
> Post more skin or you won't get messages from ignorantmonkey.
> 
> I can hear those flashes going off already!



I don't mean that...don't be that silly! You should agree everybody into dating sites want to get a general overall idea about the other person...unless they're martians...


----------



## Diana_Prince245 (Oct 7, 2011)

Dammit, so much for hiding that third eye. . .


----------



## CastingPearls (Oct 7, 2011)

Melian said:


> Did you see that, ladies?
> 
> Post more skin or you won't get messages from ignorantmonkey.
> 
> I can hear those flashes going off already!


I can't rep you yet but owe you either that or some sexual favor that's illegal in at least 8 states cos I like to keep it interesting plus it'd be an amazing photo op.


----------



## Sweet Tooth (Oct 8, 2011)

I have to think that, if a man has issues with my comfort level and preferences for how much flesh I choose to display publicly [out of modesty, not self-esteem issues] because they don't serve his desires, then I'm glad my lack of sufficiently bare flesh keeps him from messaging me.

Weed out the jerks from the start. That's my method. :happy:


----------



## joyful_laughter (Oct 8, 2011)

Yeah, making the assumption that the woman is purposely trying to cover up her BBW-ness (which may be the case, sure) is kind of an issue. If I were thin, I don't think I'd be posting pics of me with revealing clothing either. 
It's a different story if people are doing the angles and head-shots only. I agree with many others that it's a misrepresentation and you just wanna kind of put yourself out there how you are for the best results. 
But it's a different thing to think that someone is purposely hiding their "fleshy bits" because they are insecure about it or something. Especially if that person is looking for a relationship and not just gettin some.


----------



## MissAshley (Oct 8, 2011)

I think it's wise to just show yourself as you are, and not try to hide anything. That way when they do get a message, that person already knows what they look like and is interested still so there wouldn't be any worry of "Oh gosh, he wants to meet me...he's going to find out I'm fat, what do I do?"

Edit:



Sweet Tooth said:


> I have to think that, if a man has issues with my comfort level and preferences for how much flesh I choose to display publicly [out of modesty, not self-esteem issues] because they don't serve his desires, then I'm glad my lack of sufficiently bare flesh keeps him from messaging me.
> 
> Weed out the jerks from the start. That's my method. :happy:



That's a good method and good point as well. It's true that some people are just more modest, whether they are comfortable with their bodies or not.


----------



## Sweet Tooth (Oct 8, 2011)

I wanted to add a couple things here. [Hey, I'm all about a good soap box.]

First, I'm all about showing who you are. I think full-length shots are great. Truth in advertising and all that. Be who you are and let that person decide if that's for them without twisting yourself into a pretzel to suit their desires. The other side of this is, though, that I'm not going to show how I look, say, first thing in the morning. I'd pick flattering but realistic shots. That's the thing that cracks me up a little about showing who you are. What, in sweats and no makeup? We'd get crap for that, too. I'd be hearing someone say we women don't love ourselves for looking stunning 24/7. [And I actually know a woman who has been married for 30+ years who has NEVER let her husband see her without makeup. Isn't that exhausting??]

Second, I have a job in which I'm not going to hide that I have used personals sites but I wouldn't want a people related to my job stumbling on something inappropriate. People do find amazing amounts of stuff out there on the internet. My job is part of who I am, as are my values. Respect for that by any guy contacting me on a site is much appreciated.


----------



## thatgirl08 (Oct 8, 2011)

I mention that I'm fat in the text of my dating profile and I also have a few full length pictures so it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. There are a few that slip through.. guys that only look at my main picture, which is a close up, and don't read my profile or look at my other pictures.. but they also tend to only write "hey sup" and I don't bother responding to those people anyway. 

That okcupid article was interesting. 

I think part of my problem on dating sites is that my face pictures make me look significantly thinner than I actually am. It's not even that I take Myspace angle pictures or anything.. I'm just shaped really strangely.. I gain all of my weight in my belly & thighs and hardly anything in my face, arms and chest. So guys looking for bigger girls are more likely to pass over my profile and guys who are looking for thin ones are more likely to look at my profile more extensively and then realize I'm fat and not message. Obviously I haven't scientifically studied this or anything but I've noticed that my friends who are more obviously fat (chubbier faces) tend to get more responses and my friends who are conventionally attractive tend to get a lot of responses. Me and my other friend, who is in a similar situation, get a lot less responses. Or maybe no one likes what I have to say.. who knows! haha.


----------



## FatAndProud (Oct 9, 2011)

I saw a 21yo Detroit youth that had a picture of him with SEVERAL dime baggies of weed, large sums of money, and his big ol' grin all in the same picture. I was disturbed. To the extreme. He sent me a message saying "hey baby will u be mine". I responded with "Sorry, I don't go for trapstars." lol I don't understand why that lifestyle is glorified. Not to mention he's blatantly incriminating himself.


----------



## KittyKitten (Oct 11, 2011)

Might as well just post a picture of yourself. Nobody likes false advertising. The men that like the picture will flock to you, kind of like a filter.


----------



## joswitch (Oct 14, 2011)

penguin said:


> If you're on a regular dating site, then posting photos that show all of that usually results in idiots emailing you to let you know you're fat. You know, in case you hadn't noticed yourself.
> 
> A dating site is NOT a menu. These women aren't posting pictures or details for your spank bank or to your specification. They post what they think are nice photos of themselves, not what turns you on.



Errr... First, a dating profile does not = a shrine to yourself. Second, why would anyone troll a dating site for spankbank material? It's 2011 not 1996, teh interwebz are chocka with (free) prOn! Even mainstream prOn has more than caught up with interest in BBWs, hell it's even caught up with feedism! There's videos and everything! I know, shocking, eh?

As BBMe said, surely people'd be better off posting clear, representative photos of themselves, so that people can see them on the site as they would when meeting in public - thus attracting people who might actually be interested in dating them. F'r instance: I make no effort to hide my grey hair on my dating profile... If chicks don't wanna date a guy with grey hair, by all means let's not waste each others time...


----------



## joswitch (Oct 14, 2011)

FatAndProud said:


> I saw a 21yo Detroit youth that had a picture of him with SEVERAL dime baggies of weed, large sums of money, and his big ol' grin all in the same picture. I was disturbed. To the extreme. He sent me a message saying "hey baby will u be mine". I responded with "Sorry, I don't go for trapstars." lol I don't understand why that lifestyle is glorified. Not to mention he's blatantly incriminating himself.



but, but - Detroit! Such a nice neighbourhood! 

And he's an entrepreneur!


----------



## joswitch (Oct 14, 2011)

The Orange Mage said:


> I did the same with my pictures on OKCupid. I played up my oddness and skinniness and people loved it. I got maybe one semi-negative comment about it. Ever.
> 
> And when I am on a site as such, I pretty much don't consider any chubby chicks whose photos glaringly try to hide their bodies. The message reaches me loud and clear.



^This. The ones that really red flag for me are proflies with loads of "Wooo!! out-with-my-skinny-friends" photos, where all you can see of the actual profilee is her head, and maybe a hand, because she's hiding behind her friends, or is doing the 45 degree neck stretch to keep her body out of frame. If I'm checking your profile I'm looking to learn more about you, not your bestie Sandra's urge to show the world her new tongue piercing.... 

Oh, not forgetting the head shots only, EXCEPT for one full length shot, where the chick is wearing an anorak, 100yards away from the camera, in heavy rain - might as well be a stick-figure from a Lowry painting. The low res. on PoF = a lot of that, maybe unintentionally.

Off the topic of body-shots. What is it with all the scowling photos? Who builds a profile just of shots where they look grumpy, miserable and pissed off? Hello! Cute smile = winner! 
Looking like you wanna axe-murder everyone will only get you dates with people who want you to cannibalise them, or maybe the subcribers of www.angrychicksgivemebonerz.com ....


----------



## penguin (Oct 15, 2011)

joswitch said:


> Errr... First, a dating profile does not = a shrine to yourself. Second, why would anyone troll a dating site for spankbank material? It's 2011 not 1996, teh interwebz are chocka with (free) prOn! Even mainstream prOn has more than caught up with interest in BBWs, hell it's even caught up with feedism! There's videos and everything! I know, shocking, eh?



I guess you've never been on the receiving end of messages from idiots on a dating site. I suggest you read through this thread to see what charmers are out there. Plenty of them DO expect you to have photos that cater to their spank bank needs. 

I don't see how you got to the conclusion my comment meant you were making a shrine to yourself, but you do have a habit of putting one and one together and getting forty five.



> As BBMe said, surely people'd be better off posting clear, representative photos of themselves, so that people can see them on the site as they would when meeting in public - thus attracting people who might actually be interested in dating them. F'r instance: I make no effort to hide my grey hair on my dating profile... If chicks don't wanna date a guy with grey hair, by all means let's not waste each others time...



Yes, because having grey hair is on the same social level as being an SSBBW.


----------



## joswitch (Oct 15, 2011)

penguin said:


> I guess you've never been on the receiving end of messages from idiots on a dating site.



Why, yes I have, thanks for asking. Not in great volume, but I've had a couple. Memorably, one that said I should've just stuck with the pic of my back and not posted one of my face. Niiiiiice. Delete / block. Dealt with. 



> I suggest you read through this thread to see what charmers are out there.



Read it, contributed to it. Honestly, I find all those fools spamming people to be pretty funny (which is the purpose of the thread, right? To laugh at the inept). 

I'd suggest that a well-developed sense of humour, and a very thick skin be a prerequisite for online dating, because: the Internet. They should have that as a warning message on the front page of every dating site.



> Plenty of them DO expect you to have photos that cater to their spank bank needs.
> 
> I don't see how you got to the conclusion my comment meant you were making a shrine to yourself, but you do have a habit of putting one and one together and getting forty five.
> 
> Yes, because having grey hair is on the same social level as being an SSBBW.



Oh, that's right, I forgot it's never possible to draw any comparison between my experience of life and yours, my bad. Pardon me for daring to exist in the same universe as you, I'm sure. /sarcasm 

What is it like to be mortally offended & agrieved by absolutely everything that ever happens, ever?? I imagine it must be totally exhausting...


----------



## penguin (Oct 15, 2011)

joswitch said:


> What is it like to be mortally offended & agrieved by absolutely everything that ever happens, ever?? I imagine it must be totally exhausting...



My god, you're such a drama queen.


----------



## The Orange Mage (Oct 15, 2011)

To me, a complete photo set for a dating ad consists of the following:

(1) The main picture. This is generally a classic shoulders-and-up shot of you smiling.
(2) A full-length shot. Simple enough.
(3) And last but not least the obligatory silly/crazy picture. I love these, especially when the person gets creative with it.


----------



## CastingPearls (Oct 15, 2011)

penguin said:


> My god, you're such a drama queen.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Penguin, this one's for you. Hope you can open the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwzWajyWzsw

*sorry for the interruption. carry on.*


----------



## penguin (Oct 15, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
> 
> Penguin, this one's for you. Hope you can open the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwzWajyWzsw
> 
> *sorry for the interruption. carry on.*



Aww thank you  Spiderbait are very awesome. I saw them live once!


----------



## joswitch (Oct 16, 2011)

penguin said:


> My god, you're such a drama queen.



I aim to exceed!


----------



## KittyKitten (Oct 17, 2011)

joswitch said:


> What is it with all the scowling photos? Who builds a profile just of shots where they look grumpy, miserable and pissed off? *Hello! Cute smile = winner! *
> Looking like you wanna axe-murder everyone will only get you dates with people who want you to cannibalise them, or maybe the subcribers of www.angrychicksgivemebonerz.com ....





Oh yes, guys love smiles. Never underestimate the power of a grin! Research has even shown that in general, men are attracted more to women who smile however it is the opposite for women. The studies show that women tend to prefer a 'more serious look' for men.


----------

