# Sad, isn't it.... (angst inside)



## tankgirl (Sep 21, 2009)

Sad, ain't it, when the only place you have to whine is a board where no one knows you but at least it's mutual.

[angst]
I don't get it. I think there's sommat wrong with me. First day of-- waitaminit, let me go back a bit.
Three quarters of school ago, AKA last fall, I started a school program at one of the (several) local colleges. I'm not exactly a happy-go-hyper bubbly sunshiny person, but I've done a fairly good job at keeping my dark side tucked away until it was appropriate- and I've even kept most of my weird things to myself. Yeah, I'm one of those people that can say some WEIRD stuff.
Gave my phone number out to EVERYONE in that class last q before we all left for the summer.
Zero phone calls, all summer.
This q starts. Same folk. (Of course; same program.) Somehow, ten people managed to sit at least three chairs away from me, and that seating area is NOT large. A class of eleven leaves nine empty seats, see. And only the new guy who didn't know me was three seats away.

And I just don't get it. I don't smell funny, I bathe regularly, I'm not loud and annoying.... rather the opposite, these days, I find myself just watching and listening. And either nothing to say, or nothing worth saying. Occasionally, I've got somehting I wish I could say, but I know no one'll listen. Fortunately for me, I suppose, I quit trying to be funny before I started class last fall; no one understood my sense of humor before, and from what I've seen in three quarters, no one will now.

But no lunch invites, no "hey let's go to fast cart", nothing. I invite them, and they've got plans. I offer to take care of the reservation fee to get the whole class out to fast cart, and no one has the time. I offer to bestow ink at less than average shop costs, and all these people who five minutes ago were talking about getting a new tat are suddenly busy, broke, or whatever BS is all the rage that day.

I can't even talk to car guys about their own damn car, and guess what we all go to school for: AUTOMOTIVE TECH, or, HOW TO BE A MECHANIC. We all know how those conversations go.
"Hey man, what year's your *model name here*??" Or "Dude, sweet ***, I had one of those in ***- what you got under the hood??" And et cetera, and so on. For some reason, I just get an answer to the question I asked, and no bragging, no boasting, no showing off, jsut answered and ignored.

So yeah. What's wrong with me? Any ideas? Any suggestions that probably have nothing to do with anything but couldn't hurt?

And.... no.... I don't want EVERYONE to like me, I don't need to have fifty friends. I just want to be... tolerable, and at least not... ignored, when I'm in the middle of talking to someone and they find someone else to talk to midword without any other signs of wishing to discontinue the conversation.

Even the guys I want to flirt with do it. It's why I stopped trying to flirt, for the most part. Can't help myself sometimes. Wish I could help myself, it just hurts to get dropped that abruptly any more.

I just hurt. *sigh* And of course, just about everyone on my yim contact list ignores me. What... the hell... is wrong with me....
This is pathetic, isn't it....
[/angst]


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## Melian (Sep 21, 2009)

You know...I think we have the same problem (except that I just don't give a shit about it anymore). Your seating/no-call issue describes my entire undergrad career. It bugged me at the time but, in retrospect, I think I was just too weird for everyone. Also, they were douchebags, and I was only trying to talk to them because no one decent decided to take pre-med courses 

So I have to ask: what kind of people are in your classes? Do you share any interests with them, or are you only trying to mingle because there is nothing better to do? From your posts, you seem like you've got a dark sense of humour, are not PC, can be abrasive/sarcastic, probably live an alt lifestyle....same as me. And from experience, most people don't dig those qualities. Mind you, they are usually mainstream, trendy retards who will shit bricks if you tell them that Beyonce sucks and you hate the Gap, but still. 

Wow...how cynical I have become.


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## BigChaz (Sep 21, 2009)

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I honestly don't know what to tell you; I really wish I did though. From your posts I've seen and from what you describe here, well, you sound like a cool person to me. You seem like someone I would enjoy hanging out with and for the most part everyone else should too! 

I mean this in a nice way, but do you wear eccentric clothing or something similar that radically sets you apart from others? Also, where is the left armpit of the USA? Or is that a joke that went over my head?...


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## tankgirl (Sep 21, 2009)

Melian said:


> So I have to ask: what kind of people are in your classes? Do you share any interests with them, or are you only trying to mingle because there is nothing better to do? From your posts, you seem like you've got a dark sense of humour, are not PC, can be abrasive/sarcastic, probably live an alt lifestyle....same as me. And from experience, most people don't dig those qualities. Mind you, they are usually mainstream, trendy retards who will shit bricks if you tell them that Beyonce sucks and you hate the Gap, but still.
> 
> Wow...how cynical I have become.


 
Actually, this is the first class I've EVER been in that I feel like I can say, I can work with any of these people. They're not full-blown slackers. Most of em are pretty decent, except for that whole "I don't exist" thing. We're ALL into cars and trucks of whatever flavor- and I'm a motorhead, not just a Dodge girl or a car girl; I like motorboats, motorcycles, automotives of any size (car or truck or Big Truck). All of us. Really. We all respect custom builders and hot rodders. We all know something or another about computers, and all of us have one at least in the house. All of us have a respect for art and artists- unless it's my art in the light, of course. I draw sommat and it's like, who cares. I got ink and no one cared. *shrug*
Most of em know Bouncy (whatever) sucks, and I don't think any of em shop Gap. The mall, maybe, somewhere, but not the Gap. Well, one of em might. She's cute enough to.
Mechanics are already the weird of the earth. Sarcastic bitey creatures with grease under their nails- or at least, a stray smudge on the forehead. Most of us have alternate lifestyles, or at least, not "normal" lifestyles (what's normal about having six cars and two trucks when you only have one significant other and no kids? really?)....
And no, not cause I'm bored. You ever watch Unico? "I'M LONELY!!!!!!"
I have NO regular friends. A "brother in all but blood" who lives out of state and hardly ever has a phone. Once every three years or so is all I get to see him. My significant other isn't much a friend (long story). I just told two people I USED to regard as friends to "get the HELL out of my life and if you so much as LOOK at me again I'm getting a restraining order!".... And that SUCKS. One for being a liar, a thief, and if he paid me (in the collective sense of the word) $10 a day for TWENTY YEARS, he'd STILL owe me/us quite a bit of money.
The other one I am fractions of a cunthair short of filing a slander suit against her. Damn ***** runnin her mouth.
Oops, food.


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## Esther (Sep 21, 2009)

I feel bad about your situation, and I understand it completely: I moved away from home for my first year of University, and I made zero friends. I barely spoke to my professors. I barely spoke to my classmates because it was clear that they had their own cliques established, and had zero interest in me. Sometimes I would go all day without speaking a single word to ANYONE... it got to the point where the sound of my own voice seemed strange because I heard it so little. I could talk to my roommates, but we didn't have much in common and they often traveled home on the weekends to be with their families. The only friend I made tried to fuck me, and when I declined he didn't speak to me anymore either. It was incredibly, utterly lonely. I felt totally ostracized by my peers and I didn't understand why. 

But then I moved back home and attended the LOCAL University... and it was a total role reversal. People I didn't know were trying to be friendly with me, but because I was living in my own town and all my friends were around, I didn't have much interest in hanging out with new people. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with these people... they seemed pretty cool. It's just that I already had plans for lunch. I already had study groups. I already had something to do on the weekend. Unless we had mutual friends already... there was just no time to hang out.
That might sound bitchy and anti-social, but when I was going to school, working four days a week and trying to make time for my current friends... I didn't have time to make new friends!!


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## Tad (Sep 21, 2009)

First of all: this sucks, and sorry to hear about it 

Second, hey, I'm a guy, can't just offer sympathy, feel driven to brainstorm towards trying to change things.

Three quick possibilities, not saying any of these are remotely true, just things I can think of which could just maybe give the reaction you are talking about.

- Some gossip went around about you at school. No idea what or why, but some crazy crap makes the circuit sometimes, and that is really hard to deal with in a smaller group.

- You are more intimidating than you realize, and people get scared of you. This could be a look, or simply an intensity, how you meet peoples eyes, or something. Is there anyone close to you who you could ask about that sort of thing?

- That there are not so many women in a course like this, and the stereotype is that they all fall into one of two or three types, and you appear to be of the type that they are all scared of? (I wouldnt know what types, and could be scared as psycho dont let her near you with power tools to queen bee of the metal bangers who will eventually own your balls to looks fun but too much drama). And note that you dont have to be of that type for people to think that you are.and if there are few enough women in your area it could largely be tied into one or two other women who you remind people of (sort of overlaps with the gossip item. One person decides that you are A because you match his stereotype, then tells others, they accept it)

What to do about any of that, I dont really know. But Im thinking that if you can figure out at all what is going on, that at least would change it from an unknown worry to a known worry, you know?


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 21, 2009)

Melian said:


> Mind you, they are usually mainstream, trendy retards who will shit bricks if you tell them that Beyonce sucks and you hate the Gap, but still.
> 
> Wow...how cynical I have become.



Speaking as a mainstream, trendy retard who happens to think that Beyonce is kinda cool and the Gap well ... sucks ... I kinda sort take offense at any other type, including those who are into alternative lifestyles, making judgments about the things that I like/don't like and extending that assumption to things about my character that may or may not be there. If OP has this kind of condescending attitude, it very likely shows. Hopefully, she doesn't, since she clearly wants to make friends and play nice with others. In your case, you've mentioned that you really don't care -- and I hear that, since it's pretty much my attitude as well. So go ahead and eyeroll at my taste in music, clothing, fashion, or the fact that I care at all about any of these things at the advanced, geezerly age of 41 

OP: I think that you are trying too hard. I sense desperation oozing out between the lines of what you are writing, and can only imagine that this is probably at least somewhat obvious to your classmates. Everyone can, at some level, understand the desire to fit in/make friends but unfortunately, nobody wants to sense it from others. Instead of extending invites to the entire class, why not focus on one or two people whom you most readily identify with and ... spend some time just slowly getting to know them? Ask them some questions -- especially questions about themselves. Most people enjoy sharing information about themselves with others. Don't have a goal in mind -- just an attempt to be friendly and very slowly getting to know a select few of the people that you attend class with. Same goes with outside interests. Have you joined any clubs? What are *your* interests? I met some of my best friends in college doing extracurricular activities (for me, it was through the debate team). I can't remember making even ONE friend in any of my undergraduate classes. They were just too large, and we were all there to listen for an hour and then get the hell out.


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## Stevenz1inoc (Sep 21, 2009)

tankgirl said:


> Sad, ain't it, when the only place you have to whine is a board where no one knows you but at least it's mutual.
> 
> [angst]
> I don't get it. I think there's sommat wrong with me. First day of-- waitaminit, let me go back a bit.
> ...



Sometimes people are just jerks. I know it's no help to have someone tell you that but it honestly is just a fact of life.


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## rockabelly (Sep 21, 2009)

tankgirl said:


> Sad, ain't it, when the only place you have to whine is a board where no one knows you but at least it's mutual.
> 
> [angst]
> I just hurt. *sigh* And of course, just about everyone on my yim contact list ignores me. What... the hell... is wrong with me....
> ...



Personally, I don't think anything is wrong with you. You sound pretty cool to me. An independent, free thinking human being is something most people strive for. No one wants to be a lemming, but alas, one day they wake up and there they are, following other people with their insecurities pasted all over them trying desperately to "fit in".

I suggest you follow the words of Shakespeare and "this above all, to thine own self be true." Be proud of who you are and if no one else likes it, fuck 'em. Other like minds will gravitate toward you eventually. It is the way of the Universe. For anyone to say otherwise makes no sense because if you are on this board, you are trying to overcome the mad brainwashing of society who has dictated to us all what "normal" and "acceptable" is.

You will find your tribe. Until that time comes, I would happily be your friend and welcome you with open arms. I'm more than happy to tell you about the first engine I rebuilt  It was a Chrysler 360 and I was pretty proud of myself when I started it up and it ran.

yllebakcor (yeah the YIM and AIM name was so 1943 Lon Chaney Jr cool)


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## tankgirl (Sep 22, 2009)

Esther said:


> I feel bad about your situation, and I understand it completely: I moved away from home for my first year of University, and I made zero friends. I barely spoke to my professors. I barely spoke to my classmates because it was clear that they had their own cliques established, and had zero interest in me. Sometimes I would go all day without speaking a single word to ANYONE... it got to the point where the sound of my own voice seemed strange because I heard it so little. I could talk to my roommates, but we didn't have much in common and they often traveled home on the weekends to be with their families. The only friend I made tried to fuck me, and when I declined he didn't speak to me anymore either. It was incredibly, utterly lonely. I felt totally ostracized by my peers and I didn't understand why.
> 
> But then I moved back home and attended the LOCAL University... and it was a total role reversal. People I didn't know were trying to be friendly with me, but because I was living in my own town and all my friends were around, I didn't have much interest in hanging out with new people. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with these people... they seemed pretty cool. It's just that I already had plans for lunch. I already had study groups. I already had something to do on the weekend. Unless we had mutual friends already... there was just no time to hang out.
> That might sound bitchy and anti-social, but when I was going to school, working four days a week and trying to make time for my current friends... I didn't have time to make new friends!!


 
Lots of replies to make here, and I canNOT figure out PHPcode to save my soul. -.-

Lucky, one. Two, it is local. I just feel like a foreigner. Really. I was born here and raised a whole hot 20 miles away. But I guess I don't act like the rest of the locals. I dunno. Too much drama, and honestly, I just can't BE that stupid. Uhm 
So, insert shrug here. And again, lucky.
Mmm. What's the moral here, "This too shall pass?"


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## tankgirl (Sep 22, 2009)

Tad said:


> First of all: this sucks, and sorry to hear about it
> 
> Second, hey, I'm a guy, can't just offer sympathy, feel driven to brainstorm towards trying to change things.
> 
> ...


 
RE #2: Yes, that's actually useful. The two people I can talk to IRL seem to think I'm sympathy fishing. No. I want to know WTF is wrong with me or them. If it comes back to I'm just too hopeful and most people are that crappy, well, I'll get that eventually.
Sooner rather than later, I spose, seeing what happened after my first and second posts.
Now, the possibilities:

Gossip: Yes, I found out about that the hard way; someone told my sig other that I was giving head in the parking lot at lunch. I still want to embed an axe tag in this ****'s body code.

Initimidation: Do you know how hard it is NOT to intimidate people when you're 5'11" and about 200 lookin and 250 in reality? Crap. On top of my mom being the old fashioned type who taught me that direct eye contact is a GOOD thing.... *sigh* I HATE IT. I try to be a nonthreat, or at least, direct the intensity elsewhere, but it's not like it works. Add blonde, blue-grey eyes, and I get called Sir more often than Peppermint Patty, and that's me. *SIGH* Not like longer hair is a tag anymore. Or nailpolish. Or makeup. *lets out a colourful and creatively long string of curses*

The other: Uhm. True, there were five gals I knew of. Three have disappeared, leaving me and one other. Also, I make no bones about looking at girls the same way I look at guys. Probably unfortunate, but I don't really believe in closets except for clothes, you know? Add some combo of the "metal bangers" plus the "power tools", obviously not 100% heterosexual, and some dumb mother**** talkin shit about me, and you might have explained part of it.

The rest.... *shrug* You're right. A known problem or condition is MUCH better than having no clue at all. Or should I say, I prefer to play games that I can understand the rules to. And the more I think about it, it seems like some great stupid game.... *shrugsigh*


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## tankgirl (Sep 22, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Speaking as a mainstream, trendy retard who happens to think that Beyonce is kinda cool and the Gap well ... sucks ... I kinda sort take offense at any other type, including those who are into alternative lifestyles, making judgments about the things that I like/don't like and extending that assumption to things about my character that may or may not be there. If OP has this kind of condescending attitude, it very likely shows. Hopefully, she doesn't, since she clearly wants to make friends and play nice with others. In your case, you've mentioned that you really don't care -- and I hear that, since it's pretty much my attitude as well. So go ahead and eyeroll at my taste in music, clothing, fashion, or the fact that I care at all about any of these things at the advanced, geezerly age of 41
> 
> OP: I think that you are trying too hard. I sense desperation oozing out between the lines of what you are writing, and can only imagine that this is probably at least somewhat obvious to your classmates. Everyone can, at some level, understand the desire to fit in/make friends but unfortunately, nobody wants to sense it from others. Instead of extending invites to the entire class, why not focus on one or two people whom you most readily identify with and ... spend some time just slowly getting to know them? Ask them some questions -- especially questions about themselves. Most people enjoy sharing information about themselves with others. Don't have a goal in mind -- just an attempt to be friendly and very slowly getting to know a select few of the people that you attend class with. Same goes with outside interests. Have you joined any clubs? What are *your* interests? I met some of my best friends in college doing extracurricular activities (for me, it was through the debate team). I can't remember making even ONE friend in any of my undergraduate classes. They were just too large, and we were all there to listen for an hour and then get the hell out.


 
First, that invite was a spring break thing. You know. Spring. Break. Fun. Right? *bleah*
More, lifestyles bother me abotu as much as hairstyles do. It's your choice, YOU live with it. Just don't go shoving your judgements up MY ass.
Desperation, well, yeah. After a few hours of not understanding why no one is talking to you (or even really acknowledging your mere existence), it wears on you. 
If you're lucky, you can put on a face and deal with it until you're no longer in public. 
If you're really lucky, you have someone or somewhere to go to when you have these kinds of weird self questioning moments that give you some sense of reality and maybe it's NOT just you. 

If you're not lucky, you put on your face, and deal with it, and have no where or no one to go to and no way of getting any sense of whether it's you or them or both, and so you become even more cynical, bitter, rude, and just an overall jerk because you've convinced yourself, in the absence of voices that make sense, that it's all them, they're all *****ed, and you can't trust anyone.

And... I get answers. Not revealing answers of someone who wants to talk, the kind of answers you give a cop. Short, to the point, and not entirely true. Brick walls are more responsive. 
Clubs? There aren't any I care to join. Mostly because there aren't any clubs I'm interested in that I can afford (shove your $500 in yearly dues and fees up your tailpipe! >.<). Free clubs? This is Spokane. The only free clubs are prayer groups that pray for people who are too rich to really need it and AA/NA. I hate this poxy little hole.

Our classes have been the same people for three, now four, quarters. And will be for the remaining two. For eight hours a day. Maybe I'm the only one there who could, but I could say quite a bit about most of the people in that class. The Chevy guy's mom works for the DA. One of em has five rigs, one is a 67 Caddy and one is a 53 International 3/4 ton truck. No names, obviously. The other gal has a boyfriend, a brother, a Ford Excursion (sp?), and a job, and is very, very normal- Gap, like normal.
Somehow I doubt they know much about me.
Crap. I hide in my corner, speak when spoken to, laugh when it's expected, and try to keep from grinning at odd moments. Which I have a hard time not doing.

Imagine a police officer on hippie hill.
THAT is the reaction I usually get. But not nearly as respectful.


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## tankgirl (Sep 22, 2009)

rockabelly said:


> Personally, I don't think anything is wrong with you. You sound pretty cool to me. An independent, free thinking human being is something most people strive for. No one wants to be a lemming, but alas, one day they wake up and there they are, following other people with their insecurities pasted all over them trying desperately to "fit in".
> 
> I suggest you follow the words of Shakespeare and "this above all, to thine own self be true." Be proud of who you are and if no one else likes it, fuck 'em. Other like minds will gravitate toward you eventually. It is the way of the Universe. For anyone to say otherwise makes no sense because if you are on this board, you are trying to overcome the mad brainwashing of society who has dictated to us all what "normal" and "acceptable" is.
> 
> ...


 
Fortunately for me, I spose, fitting in is not happening. I'm just trying to figure out what makes me so repugnant to these people that I'm not real to them.
Seriously. I wonder who's dream I'm in most of my waking time.
And I'm tired of like minded people. Really. That's what makes this so nasty in my book. I'm tired of the same old thing. I want to change the group I hang out with, for a variety of reasons including: I seem to generate a retard gravity well just because I know how to listen to slow people; I'm sick and FUCKING tired of people who "hear voices" <-- NOTICE THE QUOTES!!!!; I hate drama; I'm allergic to stupid people; and of course, for some silly reason, I get stabbed in the back rather frequently. So maybe if I don't hang out with those kind of people, it might happen less. Maybe less reasons for my insides to ulcerate.
One can hope.

But I'm starting to think that hope and faith ain't neccessarily a good thing. You know, hope ain't a good sedative, and faith makes a horrible lubricant. The reverse is also true.


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## tankgirl (Sep 22, 2009)

Stevenz1inoc said:


> Sometimes people are just jerks. I know it's no help to have someone tell you that but it honestly is just a fact of life.


 
I know that. What I want to know is why I know all of them, and no decent, real, good people.

Or, should I say, "Where's the guy to watch MY back while I watch out for everyone elses'??"


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## Stevenz1inoc (Sep 22, 2009)

tankgirl said:


> I know that. What I want to know is why I know all of them, and no decent, real, good people.
> 
> Or, should I say, "Where's the guy to watch MY back while I watch out for everyone elses'??"



I couldnt tell you where he is but if you find him let me know because maybe I could find a girl in the same place!


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## tankgirl (Sep 22, 2009)

BigChaz said:


> I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I honestly don't know what to tell you; I really wish I did though. From your posts I've seen and from what you describe here, well, you sound like a cool person to me. You seem like someone I would enjoy hanging out with and for the most part everyone else should too!
> 
> I mean this in a nice way, but do you wear eccentric clothing or something similar that radically sets you apart from others? Also, where is the left armpit of the USA? Or is that a joke that went over my head?...


 
Blonde hair, longish, pulled up in a turkish fan or a simple bun, call it what you like. Damn Y key is messing up...
School issue blue/grey shirts.
Charcoal grey thermal, long sleeves, crew neck.
Black jeans.
Black boots or black skater shoes (though I don't skate like that).

I look like everyone else there, except I'm one of like, three people who got their shirts hemmed into short sleeves.

In the winter, I don my leather trenchcoat and my hat.

...The left armpit of the US is Spokane, WA. The reason it is the left armpit is because it couldn't possibly be the cunt, the ass, the taint, the dick, the ballsack, or anything else more offensive. It simply stinks to high figurative heaven, unless you're either stupid or a drama queen or a drama queer. The percentage of alternate lifestyles here is skyrocketing, but it's more a Quaker or Amish state than anything else. And all the Californians are moving HERE.
Twits.

No, I don't mean that as Californians are annoying in general, but all the bastards that y'all cool ones chased off came up here and invaded MY space. NOT cool! *cocky grin*


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## tankgirl (Sep 22, 2009)

Stevenz1inoc said:


> I couldnt tell you where he is but if you find him let me know because maybe I could find a girl in the same place!


 
Will do!


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## Stevenz1inoc (Sep 22, 2009)

tankgirl said:


> Will do!



Cool! :eat2:


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## rabbitislove (Sep 23, 2009)

Dude you are like one of the coolest people on the boards. 

I can relate. I was having a major anxiety attack when I went to orientation for my grad program. Something about me being extremely self concious. Ive realized a lot of times people dont call because their shy, or self concious or wierd. Ya gotta call them. Also I think you should talk more in class. It would probably get people talking to you, because you are well informed.

If all else fails, walk in with Escapist's swagger. (Walking confidently with less jiggling...hahha..we love you Jeremy!) 

Good luck, I really hope things get better for you.


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## tankgirl (Sep 25, 2009)

*scratches head*

I'm... cool?

(there's not a face for this expression... uhm....)


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## BigChaz (Sep 25, 2009)

tankgirl said:


> *scratches head*
> 
> I'm... cool?
> 
> (there's not a face for this expression... uhm....)



Yes there is, it is this one:


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## tankgirl (Sep 25, 2009)

Actually, it was a weird mix of , , , :shocked:, :blink:, , and :huh: .
But I suppose :bow: would work.


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## SanDiega (Sep 25, 2009)

No offense but you seem quite negative. This almost always turns people off. My first semester was difficult, I wouldnt talk to anyone and when I did it would be to complain about the professor or the class. And I made zero freinds. 
I have learned that you act as freindly as you would like everyone else to be, it become a self fulfilling prophecy. 
I have definatly been in your shoes and that is the only advice I can offer.


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## tankgirl (Sep 25, 2009)

SanDiega said:


> No offense but you seem quite negative. This almost always turns people off. My first semester was difficult, I wouldnt talk to anyone and when I did it would be to complain about the professor or the class. And I made zero freinds.
> I have learned that you act as freindly as you would like everyone else to be, it become a self fulfilling prophecy.
> I have definatly been in your shoes and that is the only advice I can offer.


 
Well, yes, I do feel negatively about the whole thing. Normally, for the most part, I'm rather easy-going, if intense in my beliefs. And this is fourth q, not first. The first was awkward, but things aren't so bad, at least in the awkwardness department. Unless I actually SAY something, but refer back to previous comment about not really thinking like everyone else.
Moreover, away from the people and the situation, I let myself be as negative as I want. It's how I feel. I don't complain to the individuals involved, I have no idea how to say it in a way that would get me what I want and not offend them. So bottled frustration it is, released upon departure from the campus. This is away from campus, and no one's called me a troll or a troglodyte yet.
For some reason, I suspect that if there WAS an issue with my behaviour, it'd be addressed rather quickly. Here, OR in class.
Rereading your post, I wonder if you've read much between the top and the bottom; or perhaps, having actually read it, you can answer me this: How friendly is friendly? Do I have to kiss ass- literally? Shine boots? Bear children? I mean, if offering barbeque and beer isn't enough, then I'm not sure I want whatever friends cost more than that. And offering that, or lunch, or bar tabs, or pool racks- repeatedly- hasn't gotten me anywhere. So define friendly.
I know I can be rather abrasive. But I suppose no one believes it when someone says that they've finally learned to keep a lid on that crap. But sometimes, I can't be arsed to can it, and let my orneriness show a bit.

Or should I say, sweety, this ain't negative. This is me losing my faith in humankind as a whole, not just because of their actions, but also because of a couple of responses I've gotten, and certain other actions against me and mine in the last few weeks. 
You don't know negative, dear, until your neighbors spread rumors about you that get your other half thrown in jail for a charge that HE didn't even know existed. They also spread more lies to the other neighbors. Then, after that, you have to realize how much your/his friends like you two, when no one volunteers at least part of the bail money. And the guy that the both of you spent the most time and money on not only tells you to get fucked, but then starts spreading his own lies. Add to that mix one mouthy bitch who spreads more slander in one breath than most people do in a year; this same broad also having lied to the cops who took your old man about your old man having child porn, and then she tells the rest of the world that you called the cops because of having some fling from school- whom she invented. Follow that up by being robbed abso-fucking-lutely blind on the FIRST DAY OF THE QUARTER when this post occured: 400 DVDs, 50 PS2 games (numbers are approximate), three generators, a boat motor, two transmissions for Dodge, an impossible to quantify amount of tools, 150' of air hose plus a spool, a sword that was in the process of being custom made by my old man, some D&D miniatures that I have NO idea what I'll do about, a few carbuerators, several sets of expensive rims, and a Honda 350 motorcycle. Several unmentionable items as well, and lord only knows what I don't know about yet. Then, on top of all that, you find our half your school tools are ruined because of the dogs, and you canNOT get replacements due to a lack of money.
And now, I'm completely broke, near out of gas, my old man's being a pain, my out-of-town bro is visiting- and he's a PUTZ- and being a pain, and my dad's on my ass, and the dogs pissed all over my toolbox and it's nasty and no one will help clean, and the dudes at the parts stores don't know what a naked two wire connecter is, and I can't find a girlfriend cause all the women here are nuts or psycho, and I can't get a job at Mickey Fucking Dee's without a god-blessed DEGREE because I'm young, white, healthy, and (apparently) am rather androgynous. I also need to go to the dentist and the eye doctor, and both reasons are painful- but there't no money for it, so I wait.
Baby, I am not negative. I am real.

...Real people, represent. Yo.

I am also real tired of just about fucking everything. Tired of being called Sir. Tired of being "the only one who", and I can't say it cause no one believes it. Tired of being right all the time (yeah, I know, like anyone believes that either, but whatever. You'd have to see it, I suppose). Tired of getting ignored. Tired of being stabbed in the back by the people who DO deign to take notice. Just.... TIRED.

Someone PM'd me and said that, in the end, it might be just me. 
Well, in the end, that's fine too; at least it's an answer. 
But if it is just me: WHY is it just me? Why not anyone else? Why do I have to be like this alone? Why won't anyone I know offfline tell me what the fuck it is? Why DO I think the way I do about the things I do? I don't know how to answer that, really.

*sigh*

Don't be negative. *rude noise*
You know, I had more friends in highschool when I was openly negative.
I'm openly negative here and people tell me I'm cool.
....Go figure.


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## SanDiega (Sep 25, 2009)

That was the advice I had to offer. Like all advice, it should be taken with a grain of salt.


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## Cors (Sep 26, 2009)

Sorry to hear that you are feeling bad. 

I don't know how you are in person, especially since you earlier implied that your online persona is rather different. However, I do agree with SanDiega that you come across as negative and self-defeating at least in this thread, even though I can understand why you are frustrated. You may not think that you are being negative in school but if that is how you truly feel, then more likely than not it will come through, even though you try to act otherwise. In fact, your efforts to be friendly might even be perceived as fake. 

Also, people who are negative are so much more tolerable online and may even come across as interesting if they articulate it well. After all, you can just ignore a post or walk away from the screen if they get too much. Once the interaction becomes more personal (eg. talking to an online friend in private everyday), then the other party might start getting worn out if s/he doesn't have infinite patience for your complaints or share your sense of humour or just at some point realise that you two don't get along that well after all. 

As for your classmates, well, I think it is just due to personality clashes, cliques and the herd mentality. Not much to do about the former, but you shouldn't force yourself to be all cheery and perky if you are naturally not. Most people are worse actors than they think they are and from what you described, it does sound like you are trying too hard to engage them. Cliques have formed now and there is little chance of you penetrating any if you haven't already. As for herd mentality, well, there could be one or two people who might think that you are interesting and might even appreciate your jokes, but they are afraid that they might get picked on or outcasted if they become too friendly towards you. Conversely, if one of the more popular guys or girls start talking to you, the others might follow suit. It may not be high school anymore but some people never grow out of this way of thinking. 

When will you next be allocated a new class? In the meantime, how about making friends outside? I never quite got along with my classmates as well. I, too was in what is considered pre-med and most of the people there were extremely conservative, judgmental and too obsessed with their grades to care about much else - I was this "fat", strange, angry lesbian who slacked too much and while generally friendly and soft-spoken, I often made fun of their ways. I ended up making friends with people in the Arts faculty because they were so much more open and accepting than those in Engineering or Med. I also sought out other gay people in the school and hung out with them during breaks.


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## tankgirl (Sep 26, 2009)

Cors said:


> Sorry to hear that you are feeling bad.
> 
> I don't know how you are in person, especially since you earlier implied that your online persona is rather different.


 
Yeah. I type what I think. It's sometimes worse than having a short circuit from brain to mouth. ^.^ Really. ^.^



> However, I do agree with SanDiega that you come across as negative and self-defeating at least in this thread, even though I can understand why you are frustrated. You may not think that you are being negative in school but if that is how you truly feel, then more likely than not it will come through, even though you try to act otherwise. In fact, your efforts to be friendly might even be perceived as fake.


 
*stares, rereads previous posts, rereads... shakes head*
No.



> Also, people who are negative are so much more tolerable online and may even come across as interesting if they articulate it well. After all, you can just ignore a post or walk away from the screen if they get too much. Once the interaction becomes more personal (eg. talking to an online friend in private everyday), then the other party might start getting worn out if s/he doesn't have infinite patience for your complaints or share your sense of humour or just at some point realise that you two don't get along that well after all.


 
Well, yeah. But where the hell are you people getting this complaining thing? *cuts self off*



> As for your classmates, well, I think it is just due to personality clashes, cliques and the herd mentality. Not much to do about the former, but you shouldn't force yourself to be all cheery and perky if you are naturally not. Most people are worse actors than they think they are and from what you described, it does sound like you are trying too hard to engage them.


 
Acting? No... it's called being able to leave the outside, well, outside. This is here, this is now, and that thing that happened back there is irrelevant. Moving along with the day. But I can only do it for about ten hours, unless I'm burnt already- which I was. I'm not good enough to let everything roll off all the time. Not yet. Maybe next year. And one of the posts up there I said they're not bad people, aside from the fact that I can't really talk to any of them. So, since they don't annoy me aside from that one thing, I have no reason to act. And who said cheery and perky? I am not perky. Quirky, but not perky. Slightly manic in a happy sort of way, but not cheery. I don't do the shiny happy thing. I do the good mood for no apparent reason, but still facetious thing.



> Cliques have formed now and there is little chance of you penetrating any if you haven't already.


 
With twelve people in the class?



> As for herd mentality, well, there could be one or two people who might think that you are interesting and might even appreciate your jokes, but they are afraid that they might get picked on or outcasted if they become too friendly towards you. Conversely, if one of the more popular guys or girls start talking to you, the others might follow suit. It may not be high school anymore but some people never grow out of this way of thinking.


 
Ebbeh--...... Abah--.... *stares, shakes head* Good grief. With twelve people in the class? Eleven gearheads and one chevy guy? You think POPULARITY has a thing to do with this? What the fuck. 



> When will you next be allocated a new class?


 
Did you miss something? We've all been in the same class for four quarters now. There were 26, then 20, then 17, and now 12. We will be in the same class until we graduate. I said that.



> In the meantime, how about making friends outside? I never quite got along with my classmates as well. I, too was in what is considered pre-med and most of the people there were extremely conservative, judgmental and too obsessed with their grades to care about much else - I was this "fat", strange, angry lesbian who slacked too much and while generally friendly and soft-spoken, I often made fun of their ways. I ended up making friends with people in the Arts faculty because they were so much more open and accepting than those in Engineering or Med. I also sought out other gay people in the school and hung out with them during breaks.


 
Last part first: Find them.
And try to find the time to find friends when it's up at 0430 to get to school by 0730. That lasts until 1430. Then it's to the gym for a while, usually till 1700 or so. Then it's dinner, chores, homework, and time to pass the hell out. One week and my schedule is locked. That's funny. And don't you dare tell me to try the gym. Have you BEEN in one of those lately? Maybe it'd work, and I'll not ignore opportunity, but wow. Uhm, no.
I don't make fun of the people I'm around. I make fun of the people who write our textbooks though. And the poeple in the videos we have to watch. Though, mostly, I keep all that to myself....
The art program people won't talk to us grease monkeys. And I'm at the wrong college for music. The computer guys think I'm an idiot because I'm not in their program and assume I know nothing about computers.
Yeah, in the end, I think it's partly me. But you know what? I don't care, at least, not right now.
Oh, by the way, I bet you took that all wrong. Go back through it, and instead of the sneer I'm sure you imagined, try it with a weird little grin and one eyebrow VERY much up. Laughing a little.

*rereads, thinks, rereads, contemplates..... and hits "submit" anyway*
Yeah. I know. I know. But think about it. I mean, really. *sigh*


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## tankgirl (Sep 26, 2009)

Ought to get bonus points for characters typed somewhere....


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## Cors (Sep 26, 2009)

Wow, that is the most exhausting reply I have ever read in a while and you just proved my points re: negativity and complaining. It seems like you should have just asked for reassurance instead of input since you are so defensive when someone doesn't reply the way you wanted them to. Nevertheless, a couple of clarifications are in order. 

"I do the good mood for no apparent reason, but still facetious thing." 
This qualifies as perky, but that is just my opinion. 

"With twelve people in the class?" 
Twelve is more than enough for cliques to form. Other people have also suggested this idea and you have yet to start swearing at them. 

"Did you miss something?" 
I clearly did, my apologies. Pardon me for not having the time and energy to read through all your posts in this thread. 

My college was no cakewalk that left me plenty of time for socializing, in case you are wondering. Every weekday I had to get up at 0530 for school and more often than not, reach home just before midnight thanks to long teaching hours and co-curricular activities. More than half of my Saturdays were spent rehearsing in school, and at the same time I had a horrendous amount of assignments and projects to complete. Yet, I still made friends in a school that very little people from my high school attended. People in my co-curricular activities, friends of friends, people who knew about my LGBT activist work and even butches who were just working out in the gym. We wrote silly letters to each other during especially boring lectures and exchanged them whenever, and we also tried to hang out during lunch breaks. 

People in the Arts fac didn't think too highly of us no-life, pedantic and crazy-nerdy Med, Science and Engineering folk either. They regularly parody people they know and do make mean-spirited comments, but it doesn't offend me since I pretty much felt the same way about most of my classmates and have learned how to laugh at myself. They took a while to warm up to me (though I suppose they respected me for being openly lesbian, something that is pretty rare in super-conservative Singapore and had no problems sharing my strange ideas despite disapproval). It really is up to you to change their perception, if you care to.


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## tankgirl (Sep 26, 2009)

Cors said:


> Wow, that is the most exhausting reply I have ever read in a while and you just proved my points re: negativity and complaining. It seems like you should have just asked for reassurance instead of input since you are so defensive when someone doesn't reply the way you wanted them to.


 
Get ready for another one.
I get tired of repeating myself. 
I don't complain to most people in real life, unless I come up with a constructive way to say it... Instead of trying to talk to someone about how their behaviour rather deeply offends and hurts me, and either getting laughed at or ignored, I just ignore whatver they did. At least till I'm off the campus and away from all of them and I can scream and cry all I want.
Besides. There's no point in repeating yourself to people that don't want to listen. There's no point in talking to people who don't want to listen. Most of the time, there's no point in talking out loud at all.



> Nevertheless, a couple of clarifications are in order.
> 
> "I do the good mood for no apparent reason, but still facetious thing."
> This qualifies as perky, but that is just my opinion.


 
:doh:



> "With twelve people in the class?"
> Twelve is more than enough for cliques to form. Other people have also suggested this idea and you have yet to start swearing at them.


 
I get really tired of repeating myself. But, I'll say it again, no cliques. Oiy.



> "Did you miss something?"
> I clearly did, my apologies. Pardon me for not having the time and energy to read through all your posts in this thread.


 
 Blasphemy! SCOURGE! SCOURGE! (Yeah, I know, no one got the Ray Stevens one either, why should I expect someone else to have watched the Weird Utena Parody Dub....) ((this is what I mean by no one getting my sense of humor))



> My college was no cakewalk that left me plenty of time for socializing, in case you are wondering. Every weekday I had to get up at 0530 for school and more often than not, reach home just before midnight thanks to long teaching hours and co-curricular activities. More than half of my Saturdays were spent rehearsing in school, and at the same time I had a horrendous amount of assignments and projects to complete. Yet, I still made friends in a school that very little people from my high school attended. People in my co-curricular activities, friends of friends, people who knew about my LGBT activist work and even butches who were just working out in the gym. We wrote silly letters to each other during especially boring lectures and exchanged them whenever, and we also tried to hang out during lunch breaks.


 
Hmmm. Sounds like you're just more people-friendly than I am. I can do the 12-20 people in the class thing, but it still ain't easy. First q with 26 was actually kinda weird cause I was so itchy about having so many people around. Kept worrying about being hit from behind or sommat.
I'm more than slightly agoraphobic. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia for the interested. 
So I'm trying to figure out how to be around people without offending them. So far, this has come down to shutting up and listening, but now I've gotten used to this lot I want to see if I can actually make friends, instead of just letting whoever wants to walk all over me because I'm lonely and desperate. Unfortunately, dealing with ANY number of people for more than an hour or two leaves me feeling worse and more tired and beat up than a three hour workout- and I don't work out light. I have no idea what to do about this, although working out has helped some.
Being in the band did too but I'm usually so bloody peopled out that I can't even think of doing that again right now, not without sweating and worrying uselessly.



> People in the Arts fac didn't think too highly of us no-life, pedantic and crazy-nerdy Med, Science and Engineering folk either. They regularly parody people they know and do make mean-spirited comments, but it doesn't offend me since I pretty much felt the same way about most of my classmates and have learned how to laugh at myself.


 
I can't stand that and I can't do that. I was also taught that doing things like that are rude way back in grade school. Being the target for it for eight hours a day also kind of cured me of that. Lord only knows what these people say behind my back.
Like I've said, I could get to like most of these people in my class, if I was more to them than an object that makes strange noises. But laugh at myself? Why? I get laughed at enough by everyone else. And not in a good way. Why should I laugh at myself when I don't like being laughed at? WHY is that supposed to be healthy? Makes no sense.



> They took a while to warm up to me (though I suppose they respected me for being openly lesbian, something that is pretty rare in super-conservative Singapore and had no problems sharing my strange ideas despite disapproval). It really is up to you to change their perception, if you care to.


 
If I knew their "exact" (as in, the truth, not my speculations) perception, it'd help. 
Which is what I was asking about here: 
What makes people do crap like that? I've gotten some useful stuff. It's only the people that start trying to dissect ME that have gotten guff, didja notice? So I'm defensive. I also know that the issue might be me. But I'm not asking about me. I'm asking about other people and what makes them tick. Because I only barely understand me and what makes me tick, so yes, I have to ask to understand other people. Yeah, yeah, "What's wrong with me." I know. But it seems to me that most people took that to mean, "What's wrong with this picture?" and that is more helpful than just assuming that it's indeed all me. You know?
I'm weird to most people. But do you people have any idea how weird you are to me, doing shit that I'd NEVER do because it's rude, tacky, sheep-like, or just fuckin stupid?
*shrugs* I suspect not. And however conservative Singapore is, to be respected even a bit for being non-hetero- that would be the DAY, here. *nasty sneer* For some reason, our precious land of the free is rather like living in a big damn jail. You're only free if you're rich. */sneer*
At least, in this town. 
There have to be other lesbians here. Have to be. Statistically, it's impossible for there NOT to be. But I tell you what, that's a good rock they found to hide under.
Wish I could find it.
*rereads a few times, shrugs, submits*


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## tankgirl (Sep 26, 2009)

By the way, interesting sig. Who's that, and you think it's true? I'm not sure, myself, thinking about it. Cause I've had a helluvalot of sorrow, and the joy has been rather sparse.... 
*shrugs*
That's been a question on my mind a lot lately. When's it my turn?


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## TraciJo67 (Sep 26, 2009)

Tankgirl, you get what you pay for. Seeking advise via the internet? Buyer beware.

Aside from which, I think you actually got some damn good advise.


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## Dr. P Marshall (Sep 27, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Speaking as a mainstream, trendy retard who happens to think that Beyonce is kinda cool and the Gap well ... sucks ... I kinda sort take offense at any other type, including those who are into alternative lifestyles, making judgments about the things that I like/don't like and extending that assumption to things about my character that may or may not be there.



I happen to know for a fact that you can show up in jeans, Sketchers boots and a Roots sweater and Melian will STILL let you sleep in her hotel room with her. :blush:


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## strangeangel (Sep 27, 2009)

After following this thread extensively, I've really got nothing much to say except

:doh:

Sorry but that's the only form of advice I can muster up right now.


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## strangeangel (Sep 27, 2009)

TraciJo67 said:


> Tankgirl, you get what you pay for. Seeking advise via the internet? Buyer beware.
> 
> Aside from which, I think you actually got some damn good advise.



Agree. agree. agree.



tankgirl said:


> And however conservative Singapore is, to be respected even a bit for being non-hetero- that would be the DAY, here. *nasty sneer* For some reason, our precious land of the free is rather like living in a big damn jail. You're only free if you're rich. */sneer*



Cors' situation isn't the same for everyone who is queer here in sterile, conservative ole' Singapore. And in most countries, not just in the land of the free, you really ARE only free if you're rich.


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## strangeangel (Sep 27, 2009)

Cors said:


> People in the Arts fac didn't think too highly of us no-life, pedantic and crazy-nerdy Med, Science and Engineering folk either. They regularly parody people they know and do make mean-spirited comments, but it doesn't offend me since I pretty much felt the same way about most of my classmates and have learned how to laugh at myself.



It is said that when people laugh at you to ridicule you, and you in turn laugh along with them (thus learning to laugh at yourself and appreciate yourself), you take away their power to humiliate you.


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## djudex (Sep 27, 2009)

strangeangel said:


> It is said that when people laugh at you to ridicule you, and you in turn laugh along with them (thus learning to laugh at yourself and appreciate yourself), you take away their power to humiliate you.



That may be true but if you just kill them outright then you not only get satisfaction but tasty BBQ material for later!


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## strangeangel (Sep 27, 2009)

djudex said:


> That may be true but if you just kill them outright then you not only get satisfaction but tasty BBQ material for later!



Quite true. Must not forget the fava beans and glass of chianti though!


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## Tad (Sep 28, 2009)

tankgirl said:


> Initimidation: Do you know how hard it is NOT to intimidate people when you're 5'11" and about 200 lookin and 250 in reality? Crap. On top of my mom being the old fashioned type who taught me that direct eye contact is a GOOD thing.... *sigh* I HATE IT. I try to be a nonthreat, or at least, direct the intensity elsewhere, but it's not like it works. Add blonde, blue-grey eyes, and I get called Sir more often than Peppermint Patty, and that's me. *SIGH* Not like longer hair is a tag anymore. Or nailpolish. Or makeup. *lets out a colourful and creatively long string of curses*
> 
> The other: Uhm. True, there were five gals I knew of. Three have disappeared, leaving me and one other. Also, I make no bones about looking at girls the same way I look at guys. Probably unfortunate, but I don't really believe in closets except for clothes, you know? Add some combo of the "metal bangers" plus the "power tools", obviously not 100% heterosexual, and some dumb mother**** talkin shit about me, and you might have explained part of it.



OK, you are big, you are direct, you don't have much patience for the foolishness of the world and its inhabitants, and you don't fit into most people's normal categories. Further to being big you seem to be able to do a lot of things, to have a general competence at (non-social parts, at least, of) life. You can take care of yourself, if the vibe I get from you.

So being strong, independent, capable, those are all good ways to keep people from feeling pity for you. Being a bit different means people are less apt to feel sympathy/empathy for you, because you are not so much like them or people that they know, so it is harder for them to relate to you. You also seem, if you'll forgive me saying so, a tad defensive, so if someone gave you mixed signals, I think it possible you'd read the aggresive part of the signal more than the nice-making part.....I could be wrong on that last one, as I'm just going from these posts.

All of which is to say, I think that it is not likely that people will pull you in on their own soon.

You can be mad about it, or you can figure out how to change things.

If you are willing to forgive them for leaving you out so far, my best suggestion is to start asking for favours. (to be clear, not sexual favours!). It is one of the strongest ways of breaking down barriers. The following is obiously kind of simplified, but it is to give you an idea of what I'm thinking.

It can be really simple: "Did you get that homework copied down? Could I check, it, I think I missed something." "Geez this bolt is tight, could you give me a hand with it?" or other quick, simple, things.

or a little more substantial "I want to get some winter rims for my car, but I'm close to broke. You mentioned going out to the wreckers this weekend, could you check for me if I give you the size? I'd go up to twenty bucks per." (that is probably a garbage example because I know nothing about car work, but pretend that instead it is something more reasonable).

They may not do the favors graciously (guys especially at your age tend not to do much of anything graciously). But if you ask nicely and calmly, keeping emotion out of it, there is a good chance that they'll do it. Or to phrase it differently, that they'll grant you the favour. After which you say "Thanks, I owe you one, let me know if I can ever help." Which they probably won't take you up on, but it shows that you play fair, that you aren't looking to take advantage of them.

Then you use those common experiences to make a little bit of small talk. "Thanks for letting me copy down what the homework was. How did you find questions three? Seemed kind of weird to me." "See, this time I remembered my liquid wrench!" "I put the new rims on, thanks again for that, I really couldn't have afforded them new."

Will all of that get you brought into the groups? Nope. But it gives a foundation that maybe you can build on. It creates small areas of shared experience and an excuse to exchange small talk (which is ridiculously important in social affairs). Find a few more planks like that, and maybe it will form something solid enough for one side or the other to cross.

But remember, it is way more powerful to ask for favors than to offer them. Pride be damned.


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## tankgirl (Sep 30, 2009)

Tad said:


> OK, you are big, you are direct, you don't have much patience for the foolishness of the world and its inhabitants, and you don't fit into most people's normal categories. Further to being big you seem to be able to do a lot of things, to have a general competence at (non-social parts, at least, of) life. You can take care of yourself, if the vibe I get from you.
> 
> So being strong, independent, capable, those are all good ways to keep people from feeling pity for you. Being a bit different means people are less apt to feel sympathy/empathy for you, because you are not so much like them or people that they know, so it is harder for them to relate to you. You also seem, if you'll forgive me saying so, a tad defensive, so if someone gave you mixed signals, I think it possible you'd read the aggresive part of the signal more than the nice-making part.....I could be wrong on that last one, as I'm just going from these posts.


 
Actually, I think you explained more than you expected to. And I don't know. I don't... well, I just don't know about mixed signals, pretty much period. Uhm. And defensive, yeah, I need to work on that. I try.



> If you are willing to forgive them for leaving you out so far, my best suggestion is to start asking for favours. (to be clear, not sexual favours!). It is one of the strongest ways of breaking down barriers. The following is obiously kind of simplified, but it is to give you an idea of what I'm thinking.
> 
> It can be really simple: "Did you get that homework copied down? Could I check, it, I think I missed something." "Geez this bolt is tight, could you give me a hand with it?" or other quick, simple, things.


 
Most people ask me for the homework and help with the bolts. *snicker* I only need help with the truly difficult, usually... *shrug* Perhaps borrowing a pen, or whatever....?



> or a little more substantial "I want to get some winter rims for my car, but I'm close to broke. You mentioned going out to the wreckers this weekend, could you check for me if I give you the size? I'd go up to twenty bucks per." (that is probably a garbage example because I know nothing about car work, but pretend that instead it is something more reasonable).


 
Believe it or not, you're almost right. $35 is about right for nice rims. $20 will get you rims- maybe not the best, but if they're 13, 14, or 15 inch rims, you can get them. Just so you know. ^.^



> They may not do the favors graciously (guys especially at your age tend not to do much of anything graciously). But if you ask nicely and calmly, keeping emotion out of it, there is a good chance that they'll do it. Or to phrase it differently, that they'll grant you the favour. After which you say "Thanks, I owe you one, let me know if I can ever help." Which they probably won't take you up on, but it shows that you play fair, that you aren't looking to take advantage of them.


 
Mmm, like borrowing three bucks for a gallon of gas, and repaying with a $5?



> Then you use those common experiences to make a little bit of small talk. "Thanks for letting me copy down what the homework was. How did you find questions three? Seemed kind of weird to me." "See, this time I remembered my liquid wrench!" "I put the new rims on, thanks again for that, I really couldn't have afforded them new."


 
Fortunately that kind of small talk flows freely.



> Will all of that get you brought into the groups? Nope. But it gives a foundation that maybe you can build on. It creates small areas of shared experience and an excuse to exchange small talk (which is ridiculously important in social affairs). Find a few more planks like that, and maybe it will form something solid enough for one side or the other to cross.
> 
> But remember, it is way more powerful to ask for favors than to offer them. Pride be damned.


 
Spose it comes down to waiting and patience. I hate waiting. I'm good at it, but I hate it.


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## cammy (Oct 5, 2009)

Is giving their number out to EVERYONE what everyone does, or just you? If you're the only one, well...that's weird.


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## Esther (Oct 5, 2009)

cammy said:


> Is giving their number out to EVERYONE what everyone does, or just you? If you're the only one, well...that's weird.



This is something I was thinking about as well. I would be more inclined to call someone who gave their number to me and maybe a couple other people than to call someone who gave their number to an entire class. 
It's like when a guy gives me his number but I know he gave it to all of my girlfriends as well... it shows me that he is not particularly interested in me, he is just desperate for any girl's attention.


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## tankgirl (Oct 5, 2009)

...Let me guess. You think inviting people over to barbeques is weird too, don't you? What about office parties? You know, a bunch of people who only see eachother eight hours a day for five days a week? What do they have to celebrate?
Or maybe, I could say- think yearbook without the book.... End of spring q, people going different ways for a while; suffice to say, I wasn't the only one doing something like that.

Or maybe I could say, I thought this was dead already?
:doh:


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## stldpn (Oct 16, 2009)

tankgirl said:


> Sad, ain't it, when the only place you have to whine is a board where no one knows you but at least it's mutual.
> 
> [angst]
> I don't get it. I think there's sommat wrong with me. First day of-- waitaminit, let me go back a bit.
> ...



I've gone through periods similar to what you describe in my life. I think it's part of life quite frankly. Sometimes everyone feels completely and utterly alone. You might have come in a little overanxious to begin with... and since I'm assuming you're probably in a classroom full of guys some of them may be a little intimidated that you're not completely clueless. 

I can only tell you to just keep being who you are. Your social life is always going to be in flux and no connection is going to be instant or constant.


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## Wanderer (Oct 22, 2009)

Personally, I'd like to've met you when I was up around Seattle a while back. Given you're bi, do you have a neutral-territory e-mail you'd like passed to a SSBHM I know in the area? Admittedly, I don't remember whether he's gay, straight or bi...


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## tankgirl (Oct 22, 2009)

The Spokane area?


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## warwagon86 (Oct 23, 2009)

Hey why do you care tho? I mean im a big guy i can talk to anyone anywhere i always try to brighten peoples days up - my mother raised me to be positive and shes an angel on my side.

But if i go somewhere and people don't want to bother with me then that is their loss. I am content knowing who I am i do not need to have other peoples appreciation or attention towards me to know that. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT TOO!

I know I am not always involved in every in depth conversation on here but i do read nearly every post and I can say your a level headed and cool woman as Rabbit stated.

Don't feel the need to make people want you. You can meet great people just by being yourself and if some do not feel that way they can be passing ships in the night.

Now smile and go have a good fucking night! Its a Friday!!! :bow:


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## tankgirl (Oct 23, 2009)

The Blazer's Done, The Blazer's Done, The Blazer's Done!!!!!!!!!
:d :d :d


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## Wanderer (Oct 23, 2009)

tankgirl said:


> The Spokane area?



Closer to Seattle, but not in the middle of the city. Around 520 last time I e-mailed him.


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## tankgirl (Oct 24, 2009)

Wanderer said:


> Closer to Seattle, but not in the middle of the city. Around 520 last time I e-mailed him.


 
Crap.... that is SO the wrong side of the state...
Cuz I be broke and can't drive that far. :Þ
Sounds.... fun though, if transportation wouldn't be such an issue. *cusses a bit*


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## Ninja Glutton (Oct 24, 2009)

My advice is to let these things go.

The past and the future are inherently meaningless.

There is only now. There is only the present. The moment. The place you are right now. Everything else is fleeting.

That's what's beautiful about life--change. Constant change.

Embrace it.

Don't want what you don't have and loathe what you do. These are root causes of suffering.


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## Wanderer (Nov 2, 2009)

tankgirl said:


> Crap.... that is SO the wrong side of the state...
> Cuz I be broke and can't drive that far. :Þ
> Sounds.... fun though, if transportation wouldn't be such an issue. *cusses a bit*



Well, as I said, it's been a while... if memory serves, he might be gay, and then where would you be?


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## JenFromOC (Nov 3, 2009)

I think you should just be yourself and people will either like you or not. Don't hold back on your sense of humor or comments, unless they are purposefully hurtful or offensive. I know this information doesn't really help much, but I guess that I'd rather be myself and not have friends, than to be someone I'm not and have a ton of friends. 

Reminds me of a show I was watching with my daughter on Nick Jr. The message of the day was..."Be nice to everyone so you can have friends." I truly thought that was the worst message ever...so I turned it off and made her watch America's Next Top Model instead LOL...

I'm going to shut up now, because I'm not helping. I would hang out with you, FYI


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## escapist (Nov 4, 2009)

JenFromOC said:


> I think you should just be yourself and people will either like you or not. Don't hold back on your sense of humor or comments, unless they are purposefully hurtful or offensive. I know this information doesn't really help much, but I guess that I'd rather be myself and not have friends, than to be someone I'm not and have a ton of friends.
> 
> Reminds me of a show I was watching with my daughter on Nick Jr. The message of the day was..."Be nice to everyone so you can have friends." I truly thought that was the worst message ever...so I turned it off and made her watch America's Next Top Model instead LOL...
> 
> I'm going to shut up now, because I'm not helping. I would hang out with you, FYI



Even better is when you are yourself and you have people around you who love you as that person you will tend to reciprocate those feelings of love and appreciation creating even stronger bonds. I learned the hard way. I spent a long time not being me, then letting it go and learning how to just be me, learning that its ok to have people who don't like me (it just means I'm expressing myself clearly enough). Basically I feel like I didn't grow up till my 30's.


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