# Wants to gain, but don't want to or can't.



## shadowcat (Jun 25, 2018)

*Anyone else go through this?*

*I don't know how to explain this, but I hope someone will understand. Ever since childhood, especially late at night, fat fantasies would eventually creep into my mind, I'd get these strong urges to get fat. The thought of being fattened was more arousing than fattening someone else. In this state, I really want it! *
*But when I finally... Um *cough* it goes away completely, until the next time.*

*But in reality, I don't want to gain. I like being fit-ish and living healthy. I also have health issues that run in the family I need to keep in check. I also hate when my weight is pointed out.*

*Anyone else feel this? Thanks.*


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## Tad (Jun 26, 2018)

Somewhat? I couldn't stand being thin, it would feel alien and alienating to me. But despite my sexuality being heavily tied into fat and gaining, I've held the line at ... Chunky? Generally below what I would call bhm status anyway. A mix of wanting to do some fairly active things, dealing with friends and family, wanting to appeal to my wife .... so I go from sexy times thinking about fat, gaining, gluttony, etc. And then after fight to restrain my appetite and push myself to get exercise.


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## LifelongFA (Jun 26, 2018)

I am fortunate enough to have been able to keep a foot in both worlds. I enjoy indulging (and overindulging, at times) but enjoy it so much more with someone who is likeminded. Since I have been single more than half of my adult life, it has unwittingly served as a governor, if you will, on my weight. I have always enjoyed being active, so even though I don't train or anything these days, my activity level tends to keep things from getting too far out of control. Seems like my weight has settled in around 300 for some time. I don't diet or weigh myself, but my last 3 annual checkups attest to this stabilization.

Years ago, when I stopped athletic training, I put on about 40 pounds rather quickly. A woman I knew through the size acceptance world ran into me and went on and on at how much more attractive she found me. I was surprised to find out that others felt the same way. Who knew?!


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## ffju (Jun 27, 2018)

I know exactly that feeling! I'm the same. I've tried to gain a few times but it never sticks. Just how I'm wired I guess...


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## squeezablysoft (Jun 27, 2018)

My trouble is family pressure. I did a good bit of gaining during my year at college but since I've moved back home with my mom I've not been able to stand up to the pressure and been losing. Trying to find the nerve to just do it even here though cause idk which I hate more, being thin(ish) or dieting to get that way.


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## John Smith (Jun 27, 2018)

I have a friend who show the same issues, but either because she appreciate being both fit and thin and socially-fitting all short (and the point she developped a bottom hourglass figure overtime does help) as much as because of a blend of weight plateau issues, uncontrollable weight fluctuactions, peer's pressure, fears to lessen her chances to find a ideal partner and built lifelong career of her both choices in the nearby future then eventually found a family and all if she let herself go once for all, health concerns, lack of willing, contradictorally rampaging self-body image issues then likely some displays of bipolar behavioral issues.

The other reason might been also because she's a fast-tier gainer and that she may easily put a max. 10-15 pounds at a weekly rate (before to always hit a plateau at the second week which can last for months, even stem to an unwilling weight loss sometimes) even in spite being more-or-less moderably active and working into a physically-requiering full-time job since years: outgrow her bras and half of her wardrobe in a matter of days wasn't always self-enjoying to her.


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## shadowcat (Jun 29, 2018)

ffju said:


> I know exactly that feeling! I'm the same. I've tried to gain a few times but it never sticks. Just how I'm wired I guess...


*The closest I've ever came to trying was when I was 13. But I got scared.*

*But thanks for the responses, everyone! I feel it all, pressure from family and friends, the want to be fit, and wanting be appealing. Just not sure where this comes from or what to do. Cut off everything and try not to think about it.*


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## Jay78 (Jun 29, 2018)

I guess my weight has creeped up over the years. I’m still under 200 sadly. I wish I could just let myself go but my lifestyle stops me. Family life is too active and the thought of people scolding me about weight is enough to scare me away. Sometimes I want to gain 300 pounds other days I want to lose 30. I wish I could shape shift!!


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## GregJ1 (Aug 12, 2018)

I’ve always had a desire to have a big fat belly. I have never given in. Work out daily and watch what I eat, except three or four days a week. As I’ve aged, father time has krept up on my metabolism. Now getting flab hiding the muscle on my gut. Frankly, I’m enjoying the flab


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## kbomb (Nov 16, 2018)

In the same boat, really. There's some part of me that wants to be huge, yet I just never commit to it, and I'm in my late 20s. The urge tends to grow every year, though, and I'm kinda scared about what that means. (And kinda turned on, I guess...)


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## shadowcat (Nov 20, 2018)

kbomb said:


> he urge tends to grow every year, though, and I'm kinda scared about what that means.



*That's how I feel too. Getting kind of worried.*


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## kbomb (Nov 21, 2018)

shadowcat said:


> *That's how I feel too. Getting kind of worried.*



Yeah, I'm kinda half-worried, but I don't really think about it too much. I've just kinda accepted that at some point in the future, I might end up really obese.


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## JDavis (Nov 22, 2018)

I am pretty sure how big you are is genetic, plus or minus a few percentage points. Your body has genes that program how big your muscles are and what fat percent range you are based on your age and gender. You can't gain weight any more easily long term than lose it. Homeostasis! Just like you can't change the amount of air you want to breathe for long. Some people have a wider range than others and probably some can gain and lose but the rest of us are held at a tight range that our body is programmed to hold.


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## shadowcat (Nov 23, 2018)

kbomb said:


> Yeah, I'm kinda half-worried, but I don't really think about it too much. I've just kinda accepted that at some point in the future, I might end up really obese.



*I try not to think about it too. Haven't come close to accepting it though. More like resisting.*


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## Happy fat lover (Nov 24, 2018)

I agree, genetic. I have worked out for thirty years, the first 15 i was hefty. Realize now fit and flab are not exclusive of each other. I have reasearched this, seems to be a combination of nature and nurture. Just keep moving. Fat will happen as you may be genetically predisposed to it


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## Shotha (Nov 25, 2018)

I've been through the same issues. As a child, I thought that the fat guys that I saw around me and in the media were wonderful and I wanted to be one of them. I soon found out that fat was and still is stigmatized. So, I would indulge my fantasies with padding. I took a break from padding at university but started doing it again afterwards. I started to realize that I wanted to have a big fat belly. I felt great wearing padding but, when I took it off, it was like living in the wrong body. I wanted to be fat for real but was scared to do it and scared to admit it to others.

Eventually, I found out that there were others like me and I found a like-minded friend. One day we went to a sumo tournament and I joined the local sumo club. I was mostly interested in the training diet. I started to gain weight quite quickly. I'm around 320 pounds (well over twice the weight I started at) now and I still want to be bigger but, at least, these days I feel like I'm in the right body and feeling very happy. I used to be scared of what people would say but these days I just lap up the "disparaging" comments. When I hear someone say, "Look at that fat bugger over there. He's too fat to fit into the booth," I like what I hear, because they're just telling me that I'm the man that I've always wanted to be.

There are more guys, who want me as a fat old man than ever wanted me when I was slim and young.

If it's what you want, I would say go for it.

This is me now:-


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## shadowcat (Nov 26, 2018)

Happy fat lover said:


> I agree, genetic. I have worked out for thirty years, the first 15 i was hefty. Realize now fit and flab are not exclusive of each other. I have reasearched this, seems to be a combination of nature and nurture. Just keep moving. Fat will happen as you may be genetically predisposed to itView attachment 131440



*Genetic! Born chubby had an active childhood, and still stayed chubby. Stay the same no matter what now.*


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## shadowcat (Nov 26, 2018)

Shotha said:


> I've been through the same issues. As a child, I thought that the fat guys that I saw around me and in the media were wonderful and I wanted to be one of them. I soon found out that fat was and still is stigmatized. So, I would indulge my fantasies with padding. I took a break from padding at university but started doing it again afterwards. I started to realize that I wanted to have a big fat belly. I felt great wearing padding but, when I took it off, it was like living in the wrong body. I wanted to be fat for real but was scared to do it and scared to admit it to others.
> 
> Eventually, I found out that there were others like me and I found a like-minded friend. One day we went to a sumo tournament and I joined the local sumo club. I was mostly interested in the training diet. I started to gain weight quite quickly. I'm around 320 pounds (well over twice the weight I started at) now and I still want to be bigger but, at least, these days I feel like I'm in the right body and feeling very happy. I used to be scared of what people would say but these days I just lap up the "disparaging" comments. When I hear someone say, "Look at that fat bugger over there. He's too fat to fit into the booth," I like what I hear, because they're just telling me that I'm the man that I've always wanted to be.
> 
> ...



*Thanks for the reply. There were people padding back then? For a long time i thought everybody hated fat but be. I didn't feel like I was in the wrong body though. After it was over it was over. Like a midnight fantasy. It gets complicated. I don't like being called fat either. I may never go for it.*


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## Shotha (Nov 26, 2018)

shadowcat said:


> Thanks for the reply. There were people padding back then? For a long time i thought everybody hated fat but be. I didn't feel like I was in the wrong body though. After it was over it was over. Like a midnight fantasy. It gets complicated. I don't like being called fat either. I may never go for it.



All I can say for sure is that *I* started padding at the age of four. That would have been in 1957. Of course, I thought that I was the only person in the whole world, universe and everything that did it.


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## Happy fat lover (Nov 26, 2018)

I was always fantasizing about being fed and mutually fattened by gluttonous fat girls as a a young man back in the sixties and seventies. When on my own, I would stuff a pillow under my shirt to see how it looked being even fatter than I was as a chubby kid. Slimmed down, as you can see, but still have that big gut urge. As I age, the flab seems to be coming back. I am not unhappy about the change


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## shadowcat (Nov 27, 2018)

Shotha said:


> All I can say for sure is that *I* started padding at the age of four. That would have been in 1957. Of course, I thought that I was the only person in the whole world, universe and everything that did it.





Happy fat lover said:


> I was always fantasizing about being fed and mutually fattened by gluttonous fat girls as a a young man back in the sixties and seventies. When on my own, I would stuff a pillow under my shirt to see how it looked being even fatter than I was as a chubby kid. Slimmed down, as you can see, but still have that big gut urge. As I age, the flab seems to be coming back. I am not unhappy about the change



*Well the articles Ive read make it look like a new thing. Without the internet back then how did one say something?*


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## Tad (Nov 28, 2018)

Generally we didn't, which was why each person who felt this way felt so alone in it. Let me say, getting online was an amazing, amazing, experience. I was already married and had pretty much made already made the decisions about how idItreat my fat and feedist desires, but finding other people with similar feelings was still fantastic. Heck, just finding terms for much of what i felt was a relief.

But not knowing if anyone else feels the same doesn't stop people from feeling things, nor will it stop some people from acting on those desires.


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## shadowcat (Nov 29, 2018)

Tad said:


> Generally we didn't, which was why each person who felt this way felt so alone in it. Let me say, getting online was an amazing, amazing, experience. I was already married and had pretty much made already made the decisions about how idItreat my fat and feedist desires, but finding other people with similar feelings was still fantastic. Heck, just finding terms for much of what i felt was a relief.
> 
> But not knowing if anyone else feels the same doesn't stop people from feeling things, nor will it stop some people from acting on those desires.



Finding out there were others was a bit of a relief. Before that I thought it was some weird phase. I threw out all my fat related things padding, fantasies, and drawings, at 16/17 to never look back. But the desires still popped up once in a while. Ive pretty much accepted Ill never get to experience my feeder/feedee desires. 
The only people who know are internet strangers. I rather not risk it. I hope to find someone understanding If I cant keep it in and have a nice talk about it, figuring out things...
You're married? Do they know?


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## Tad (Nov 29, 2018)

shadowcat said:


> Finding out there were others was a bit of a relief. Before that I thought it was some weird phase. I threw out all my fat related things padding, fantasies, and drawings, at 16/17 to never look back. But the desires still popped up once in a while. Ive pretty much accepted Ill never get to experience my feeder/feedee desires.
> The only people who know are internet strangers. I rather not risk it. I hope to find someone understanding If I cant keep it in and have a nice talk about it, figuring out things...
> You're married? Do they know?


She knows that I like fat, but not the full extent or intensity of it all. Basically I explained enough to where it was clear she didn't feel the same way, after which I figured the rest was my issue to manage.

(Probably worth mentioning that she is a small bbw, about 90 pounds heavier than when we first met, she loves food, has a huge appetite, has fat parents, and appreciates curvy, so us both being a bit fatter than shedsprefer and a 'bit' thinner than I'd prefer is not a massive hardship on either of us, and she does appreciate my appreciation of her body. For someone I randomly met before knowing that any women liked fat stuff, it has worked out quite well.)


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## kawazoo (Jan 1, 2019)

shadowcat said:


> Finding out there were others was a bit of a relief. Before that I thought it was some weird phase. I threw out all my fat related things padding, fantasies, and drawings, at 16/17 to never look back. But the desires still popped up once in a while. Ive pretty much accepted Ill never get to experience my feeder/feedee desires.



When I was younger than that I went through phases where I tried to rid myself of my desires and interests too, but it didn't do a thing. I eventually accepted that even though I'm really not good at gaining weight, this is what I like. So, I simply pad myself to experience being huge.


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## Shotha (Jan 1, 2019)

kawazoo said:


> When I was younger than that I went through phases where I tried to rid myself of my desires and interests too, but it didn't do a thing. I eventually accepted that even though I'm really not good at gaining weight, this is what I like. So, I simply pad myself to experience being huge.



For a long time I thought that I was the only person in the world, who wanted to be fat and who padded. It was a relief to find others. I tried to repress my desire to be fat and to give up padding, but I couldn't, because the urge was too strong. I enjoyed padding for decades but there were just two problems with it. The first problem was that I knew that I was always going to have to take off the padding at some time or other. The second problem is that you can't go to the beach and strip to the waist. I was scared of getting fat, because I was scared of how people would react to it. It's only within the past fifteen years that I overcame those fears and started to gain. I'm happier now than I've ever been, because I'm living in the right body. I feel like I've always been fat on the inside and now I'm fat on the outside too. These days, when people make comments about how fat I am, they're just telling me that I'm the man I always wanted to be. I like it when I hear people describe me as fat, such as comments like, "Go and have a word with the fat guy over there." I also love being able to describe myself as fat. It's nice to be able to call a taxi and say, "I'm outside number 2 George Street. I'm the fat guy in the blue shirt." I can't deny that fat is a sexualized matter with me. It's a fetish. (I don't really like the word fetish, because we don't call it a fetish, when someone only dates slim people.) It's also a matter of identity. I love to be seen as "the fat guy".


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## Van (Jul 20, 2020)

I can definitely relate to this. I have been into the concept of gaining weight for a long time. I have had fantasies since I was a young child. I remember padding as a young child. I remember putting on weight in my early teenage years. It was on purpose and the reactions that I got from my family were not good. I have gone up and down with my weight for over 20 years. I was excited to break the 200 mark like 10 years ago. My weight would get up to nearly 240lbs but I could never break through like I would fantasies because I was trying to be fit or in fear of the health risks. It's like I am torn between fat and fit. I go back and forth with my feelings all the time. I guess it's because I am looking for a sense of identity, or somewhere I belong. It's nice to know that I am not the only person in the world who deals with this. It feels very good to be able to verbalize this.


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## Shotha (Jul 20, 2020)

Van said:


> I can definitely relate to this. I have been into the concept of gaining weight for a long time. I have had fantasies since I was a young child. I remember padding as a young child. I remember putting on weight in my early teenage years. It was on purpose and the reactions that I got from my family were not good. I have gone up and down with my weight for over 20 years. I was excited to break the 200 mark like 10 years ago. My weight would get up to nearly 240lbs but I could never break through like I would fantasies because I was trying to be fit or in fear of the health risks. It's like I am torn between fat and fit. I go back and forth with my feelings all the time. I guess it's because I am looking for a sense of identity, or somewhere I belong. It's nice to know that I am not the only person in the world who deals with this. It feels very good to be able to verbalize this.



Many gainers try to strike a balance between fat and fit. Many of us put on weight but try to look after our health at the same time. Gaining isn't a "black or white" issue; there are all of the shades of grey in between. The most important part of this balancing act, to my mind, is to find a balance that we are happy with.


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## Van (Jul 20, 2020)

Shotha said:


> Many gainers try to strike a balance between fat and fit. Many of us put on weight but try to look after our health at the same time. Gaining isn't a "black or white" issue; there are all of the shades of grey in between. The most important part of this balancing act, to my mind, is to find a balance that we are happy with.


I understand. I got to see more "shades of grey".


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## last time (Jul 21, 2020)

shadowcat said:


> *Anyone else go through this?*
> 
> *I don't know how to explain this, but I hope someone will understand. Ever since childhood, especially late at night, fat fantasies would eventually creep into my mind, I'd get these strong urges to get fat. The thought of being fattened was more arousing than fattening someone else. In this state, I really want it!
> But when I finally... Um *cough* it goes away completely, until the next time.
> ...


I don't wish to be fat, but I wish for a GF to be fat one day...
but only if she wants it...
cause I would want what was best for her, and it can be risky depending on how much you gain. 
it is really sad to me when it causes health problems. 
for me the fantasy is more than enough 
I would want her to continue being healthy 
so I could continue to fantasize about her...


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## Shotha (Jul 21, 2020)

Van said:


> I understand. I got to see more "shades of grey".



Lot's of us set limits to our gaining, such as a weight or size that we want to be. Not all gainers want immobility. Many of us want to be physicall


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## last time (Jul 21, 2020)

Shotha said:


> Lot's of us set limits to our gaining, such as a weight or size that we want to be. Not all gainers want immobility. Many of us want to be physicall


oh yeah, my tastes get pretty extreme I admit, which is why I have to keep reality in check haha


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## extra_m13 (Jul 21, 2020)

this is a good one... first point. what do you really want and what do you really like ? personally... i would say i like to eat but i would not be really happy going all over to the obese side. a little overweight or soft i can do. ripped i cant. so... thats it to be honest. there is no more. i will never be over 200 kilos for pleasure and i will never have a six pack in my abdomen that it is not beer.


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## last time (Jul 21, 2020)

extra_m13 said:


> this is a good one... first point. what do you really want and what do you really like ? personally... i would say i like to eat but i would not be really happy going all over to the obese side. a little overweight or soft i can do. ripped i cant. so... thats it to be honest. there is no more. i will never be over 200 kilos for pleasure and i will never have a six pack in my abdomen that it is not beer.


I am a skinny twig man, no matter how much I eat, I couldn't gain weight even if I wanted too 
but was never into being big, just admired women that were bigger than me 
but I am not in shape, I am skinny fat as they call it , no muscle at all really 
I fantasize about them being bigger than humanly possible, but it is just fantasy 
If I could find someone with the same fantasy, it would make me so happy, I wouldn't even care what size she is


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## Shotha (Jul 22, 2020)

last time said:


> oh yeah, my tastes get pretty extreme I admit, which is why I have to keep reality in check haha



Fantasy role play is a possibility.


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## Van (Jul 22, 2020)

Shotha said:


> Lot's of us set limits to our gaining, such as a weight or size that we want to be. Not all gainers want immobility. Many of us want to be physicall


I'm not sure if I want to be physical or immobile. I just want to be happy.


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## Hawaiianhealing (Apr 17, 2021)

shadowcat said:


> *Well the articles Ive read make it look like a new thing. Without the internet back then how did one say something?*


Before the internet any "different thought" you had you were sure you were the only one in the world who thought or felt that way about what ever your fantasy was about. Oh to relive high school with the internet around oh my


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## Shotha (Apr 17, 2021)

Hawaiianhealing said:


> Before the internet any "different thought" you had you were sure you were the only one in the world who thought or felt that way about what ever your fantasy was about. Oh to relive high school with the internet around oh my



The Internet enables us to build communities for people, who share just about any common interest. We no longer have to find ourselves by chance in the same room as someone with a common interest and at the same time hear that person comment about that interest. In my youth I was the only one of several things, I thought that I was the only guy who liked other guys, then I was the only padder, then I was the only person who wanted to be fat and the only person attracted to fat guys. The Internet builds communities that weren't really possible until the 1990's.


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## wolffeederblog (Apr 17, 2021)

I never planned to be 230, but this morning showed 248. Part of me wants to lose, the other part found out it likes food...


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## good19845 (Apr 18, 2021)

Just would love to feel how it is to gain, I’m 160 now love to feel 200 plus. Need encouragement any suggestions?


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## Mystic Rain (Apr 20, 2021)

I have been overweight my whole life, and insecure about it nearly as long. It wouldn't have been so bad if my fat phobe mother hadn't heaped her grievance with her own weight onto me. She continued to point out how big I was long after she had lost weight. Then I had one or two other relatives add their two cents about how I would be pretty enough to get boys if I just lost some weight. So at 17, I felt pressured to taking prescription diet pills for a year and I wouldn't be surprised if that ultimately led to me developing diabetes 9 years ago. Before then, I managed to slim down to a size 16 and my lowest weight of 165. However, the weight began creeping on little by little again over the next six years, especially when I started working fast food 9 months after graduation. Though in that sixth year, I gained over 100lbs from 200 to 310 and had almost outgrown size 28, my heaviest, due to my job and coping with the stress in my life at the time. I eventually dipped to around 280ish where it stayed until my diabetes diagnosis. 

I had to make some changes to my eating habits and with medication, I dropped to 240, but life again happens and I unintentionally gained back 30 lbs, which eventually whittled down to 250. Yet, at my appointment at end of February, there was a 5lb gain between my prior visit last September. Despite the fact I keep a routine as to what I eat and hardly ever indulge. 

Long story short, I am beyond frustrated. It's maddening. Why am I constricting myself when I am gaining weight regardless? I really don't want to gain weight, but I love food and I love to eat, and my body seems happily predisposed to being fat and becoming fatter. That 255 may now be 260, or edging to 265 since I caved to overindulgence in the last couple of days. Got two nice rolls spilling on either side of my waistband with a serious and generous upper tummy bulge when sitting.


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## lawriesv (Apr 23, 2021)

Mystic Rain said:


> I have been overweight my whole life, and insecure about it nearly as long. It wouldn't have been so bad if my fat phobe mother hadn't heaped her grievance with her own weight onto me. She continued to point out how big I was long after she had lost weight. Then I had one or two other relatives add their two cents about how I would be pretty enough to get boys if I just lost some weight. So at 17, I felt pressured to taking prescription diet pills for a year and I wouldn't be surprised if that ultimately led to me developing diabetes 9 years ago. Before then, I managed to slim down to a size 16 and my lowest weight of 165. However, the weight began creeping on little by little again over the next six years, especially when I started working fast food 9 months after graduation. Though in that sixth year, I gained over 100lbs from 200 to 310 and had almost outgrown size 28, my heaviest, due to my job and coping with the stress in my life at the time. I eventually dipped to around 280ish where it stayed until my diabetes diagnosis.
> 
> I had to make some changes to my eating habits and with medication, I dropped to 240, but life again happens and I unintentionally gained back 30 lbs, which eventually whittled down to 250. Yet, at my appointment at end of February, there was a 5lb gain between my prior visit last September. Despite the fact I keep a routine as to what I eat and hardly ever indulge.
> 
> Long story short, I am beyond frustrated. It's maddening. Why am I constricting myself when I am gaining weight regardless? I really don't want to gain weight, but I love food and I love to eat, and my body seems happily predisposed to being fat and becoming fatter. That 255 may now be 260, or edging to 265 since I caved to overindulgence in the last couple of days. Got two nice rolls spilling on either side of my waistband with a serious and generous upper tummy bulge when sitting.



If your concern is diabetes, you might consider switching to a low carbohydrate (including sugars) diet, and get your Calories from fats (e.g., Atkins).


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