# When did you first discover you were fat?



## Jes (Oct 6, 2005)

Ok, so that's a kooky question, but what I mean is this: I've read lots of "I realized I was an FA when..." stories here and elsewhere over the years, but I've read far fewer: this is how/when/why I got fat stories (forgive me if they've been around and I've missed them)! Maybe the thread will turn out to be interesting.

As far as I'm concerned, it must've been around puberty. I remember developing (boobs, etc.) and gaining a bit of weight, but without the corresponding bump in height (I'm still waiting for that, btw. Is it likely I'll have a growth spurt in my 30s??). I look back at photos of me when a few family members were calling me chubby and fat, and like many women, I can't believe how NOT fat I was (compared to me today). I don't ever really remember not liking what my body looked like, only not liking how others viewed it (negatively). I suppose that's still true today. That's one difficult part of self acceptance, I find--often, it seems like the only one accepting me IS me. 

Oh, I'll add that I was always crap at team (and most individual) sports, and that stank. I did feel my body was a hindrance there. Not b/c I was fat necessarily but I just was not good at hitting a ball with a bat, etc. God, the torture of gym class! For many years, I wanted little to do with exercise/sports b/c of memories of gym class, but once I took matters into my own hands, I learned to rather enjoy working up a sweat.

And that sounded a lot dirtier than I meant it to, so I'll sign off and ask for input from others.

Jes


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## TallFatSue (Oct 6, 2005)

I've been fat all my life, but my earliest real memory of it was being called chubby when I was around 5 years old.

That sticks in my mind is because when I was that age (in 1962, gawwwwd!) my parents watched a TV comedy show starring George Burns. The stars did some commercials too, like the new non-dairy creamer Coffee Rich. George Burns told his housemaid she should try Coffee Rich, it tastes great and it's low in calories. She only snorted, "My husband like me plump!" Since I was already being called chubby, that throwaway sentence in my formative years made a lasting impression.

(A decade or so later as a teenager, my mother laid the guilt on me and said if I didn't do something about my weight I'd be way too fat ever to be desirable. But I heard that voice from the past: "My husband like me plump!" Not that I longed for a fat-loving Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet, but those words helped me realize it was not necessarily a bad thing to be a fat woman.)


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## Sandie_Zitkus (Oct 6, 2005)

I think I was 5 or 6. It was Sunday dinner. I reached out to get another roll - my mother slapped my hand and told me I was too fat already.

It only got worse over the years.


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## loves2laugh (Oct 6, 2005)

my father told me to stand next to my mother and then said to me, "look at you and look at her- you are already her size and she is an adult." i think i was 10. hmmmm no wonder i dont trust men who find me attractive. 
then after that it was was something i noticed in comparing myself to the other girls. and of course those wonderfully mean comments from boys. i thought i was a big fat cow at 160 lbs. and i never wore shorts- imagine that- 98 dgrees out and im wearing jeans! thank God for Recovery. now im 240 and wearing tank tops!


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## MissToodles (Oct 6, 2005)

When various idiots over the years yelled out of cars "YOU'RE FAT". Maybe I was in denial but I never knew I weight a lot before that moment. I thought I was slender as table leg.


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## Cynthia (Oct 6, 2005)

I noticed fairly early on, because my weight fluctuated a good deal when I took ballet as a girl. When you're in a leotard and later dancing en pointe, 10 or 15 lbs can seem more like 100. That's why I absolutely loved the dance photos that Velvet posted here on Dimensions maybe a year ago. By performing as part of a "thin" troupe and choosing to gloriously own her space, Velvet blasted people's misconceptions about fat bodies in motion and demonstrated the kind of chutzpah that we would all be lucky to have.


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## Miss Vickie (Oct 6, 2005)

Probably the time one of my "best intentioned" neighbors said I'd better stop eating or I'd turn out just like my mom (fat). At that point I became aware of my body and that it wasn't okay to be fat. I guess I was maybe 6 or 8 years old. I never was big, however, until junior high (after my parents died) and it was then that the weight started coming on. I probably thought of myself as fat but truly I wasn't (I was a size 15/16 in high school) until much later.


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## fatlane (Oct 6, 2005)

Once I realized I was an American, I realized, relative to nearly the rest of the world, I was fat. And tall. Relative to other Americans, I'm average for my height, which is still tall.


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## Moonchild (Oct 6, 2005)

TallFatSue said:


> But I heard that voice from the past: "My husband like me plump!" Not that I longed for a fat-loving Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet, but those words helped me realize it was not necessarily a bad thing to be a fat woman.)


Isn't it funny how that works? I can't really respond appropriately to this thread since I'm not fat and never have been, but it's always been weird being an FA and knowing everyone else find something else attractive. I remember watching Seinfeld once, and they were talking about some guy who apparently had a fat fetish. And they didn't make fun of him or anything, it was just kind of the way he was, I guess. It kind of gave me that sense of "so I'm different, who cares?" And even though I knew they were making a joke out of it, it still meant it's not that bad to have different values.


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## fatlane (Oct 6, 2005)

Kramer even tried it out... when he had the "Assman" license plate...


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## Moonchild (Oct 6, 2005)

Heh, I've only seen a little bit of that one. I think I've seen nearly every episode, but that one in its entirety has managed to elude me.


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## jamie (Oct 6, 2005)

birth.

I was a really chubby baby and toddler. I had a minute of thinness between 3 and 5 and then I was fat again. From then on, I never went through the just chubby phase either. I was roly poly.


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## SoVerySoft (Oct 6, 2005)

I've never known a time when I wasn't aware of being fat.


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## William (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi 

When I looked a all the tiny Babies with me in the Hospital Nursery, there was only a infant BBW that was larger than me 

William


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## EvilPrincess (Oct 6, 2005)

I remember stealing a cupcake.......at about 5 years old.....the parents thought I needed to be on a diet.... ewwwww... I started rebelling then..


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## Ash (Oct 7, 2005)

When I was in kindergarten, I was on the playground, walking to the bench where some of my friends and I played, and a boy from the first grade class came running up to me. I was startled when he jumped in front of me, slapped my thigh and yelled over his shoulder to one of his friends "Look at these fat legs". That was the first time I ever realized I was fat.


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## BigCutieCindy (Oct 7, 2005)

I can't remember any one defining moment, but I know I was aware of it at the age of five.


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## Tina (Oct 7, 2005)

I'm not sure I've ever been thin. Maybe for fifteen minutes when I was 3. When you've always been fat, you don't discover it, you discover the prejudiced attitudes of others. I'd say the first instance of that I can remember was when we moved from New York to Canoga Park, CA, and the other children in school made such fun of me I absolutely hated school. Guess I was about 6.


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## DaBigLadyBug (Oct 7, 2005)

I remember always being a big toddler,kid and such but things happened in my life at around 11 that made me really gain some weight,but as young as i can remember my mom had me on a diet i was always told i was fat,God how i hated that word back then.

but at 27 i had cancer and it caused a weight gain of 100 pounds and it took what i called my women hood from me,so now i was sitting there fat as i had ever been and not feeling like a women,for 3 month i let that go on and finally i said"ok enough of this pitty me fat girl stuff",i started to go to places that i would have never done before and it was SO hard,but i did it and i started to look for positive fat people and books and shows,i started to buy clothes i liked,not things to cover up my fat,boy did my mom hate that,she would say things like"pull that down,could you not find a size bigger"!

i was thinking hey lady,did you just relize that i could have died,but im here,im fat and im ok with it,i finally said "get over it mom" and every chance i got,i would say things to her like,"do you have to wear that out with us,it looks old,My God what did you do to your hair" and then one day she said to me"you dont love me do you?"i said "why do you say that mom?"she said"well your always picking me apart",AWWWWWW i said"NO mom im not,i wanted you to see what you have done to me all my life,i was never good enough and to get you to see what it does,i had to do it back"WAKE UP CALL for her!

so now these things come out of her,now and again,but shes gotten so much better,my sister and i still dont talk because im too fat for her to be seen with as she says,but then again she is now a divorced bitter old lady she thinks she is sexy....lol......but i have that covered for both of us!


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## Tad (Oct 7, 2005)

I remember getting taunts of "fatty-fatty two-by-four, couldn't fit through the washroom door...." a few times when I was in kindergarten or grade one. With perfect egotism I decided that they must be idiots because I did not see myself as fat or see any problem with my body. But that did make me aware of the issue, and gradually I noticed my parents attempts to subtly send me the same message. But I was never really any more than chubby at most until recent years, as an adult.

The first time I guess I decided that I was fat, not chubby, was when I went to try on jeans in a youth-oriented jeans store, and discovered that they did not carry my size (a 40" waist at the time).

-Ed


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## Transplanted.Magnolia (Oct 7, 2005)

When I was a little girl, I spent a lot of time with my great grandparents in rural Mississippi. They lived just across the street from a small country store, and Papaw would always pick me up and carry me across the street when we'd go get my daily icecream fix. I loved those little cups of vanilla with the tiny wooden spoon. Anyway, one day after I got my icecream, Papaw sat down to talk with the other old men who'd sit around and chat half the day away. One man told him he'd break his back carrying "that little butterball' around. Papaw just smiled and looked at me and said, " I don't care how fat she gets I'll still tote her around." I was proud that my Papaw defended me, but I remember being very aware of every bite of icecream I took and thinking something was wrong with me and my weight. After that, I never went back to the store when that man was there. 

Another instance when it was very apparent to me that I was fat was when I went to the doctor a few years ago. I asked the doctor where he thought I might be able to go weigh. It had been years since I had weighed and I really wanted to know. He told me to go to the local Co-Op(the farm store). He said he sent larger people there all the time to weigh and that the guy there was used to weighing his heavy patients. So I did it, but the doctor failed to mention the circle of overall wearing farmers that kept betting on how much I'd weigh while the guy there manipulated the grain scale to get an accurate amount. It was just very uncomfortable


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## TallFatSue (Oct 8, 2005)

Sandie_Zitkus said:


> I think I was 5 or 6. It was Sunday dinner. I reached out to get another roll - my mother slapped my hand and told me I was too fat already.





EvilPrincess said:


> I remember stealing a cupcake.......at about 5 years old.....the parents thought I needed to be on a diet.... ewwwww... I started rebelling then..


Ah, my repellious youth. This sounds soooo familiar, except my mother was the queen of mixed messages. She hates to hear this, but I'm probably much fatter than I would have naturally been, precisely because she harped on my weight so much. More than once I reached for another roll or a piece of pie and my mother said, "Don't you think you're fat enough?" So I put it back. Not 5 minutes later she'd ask, "Don't you want any pie?" What? Didn't you say I was too fat? "I worked so hard to bake it, and one piece won't hurt." I was totally confused.

Yep, damned if I did, damned if I didn't. So I did! One fine day when I was a teenager she slapped my hand as I reached for some cake so I said, "But Mom, you always work so hard to provide for us." This time *she* she was confused, so I grabbed that cake and it tasted soooo good. So in my rebellious youth I began to regard my fat as a symbol of my independence. I didn't try to gain so much weight, but I didn't try to stop either, and I probably ate even more just to piss her off.


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## TallFatSue (Oct 8, 2005)

Transplanted.Magnolia said:


> Another instance when it was very apparent to me that I was fat was when I went to the doctor a few years ago. I asked the doctor where he thought I might be able to go weigh. It had been years since I had weighed and I really wanted to know. He told me to go to the local Co-Op(the farm store). He said he sent larger people there all the time to weigh and that the guy there was used to weighing his heavy patients. So I did it, but the doctor failed to mention the circle of overall wearing farmers that kept betting on how much I'd weigh while the guy there manipulated the grain scale to get an accurate amount. It was just very uncomfortable


I used to hate P.E. class when they weighed us in front of all the other girls because they howled with laughter when the gym teacher announced my weight. I'll never forget the day in high school when my weight reached a milestone and the gym teacher read off that first digit: "Three hun..." Wow did that ever get a thunderous reception. Well by then I was rebelling anyway, so I walked right up to the ringleader and said, "What's the matter? You jealous? Too much woman for ya? Afraid I'll steal your boyfriend?" Amazing how bullies back down when you look them straight in the eye. That didn't entirely stop the Skinny Bitch Squad taunts, but I wasn't an easy target for them anymore, and most of the other kids were impressed that I stood up to them.


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## fatlane (Oct 8, 2005)

Next time someone taunts you about being fat, eat them.

That'll send a message to the rest...


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## Cynthia (Oct 8, 2005)

TallFatSue said:


> ... my mother was the queen of mixed messages.



Yes, I know how damaging mixed messages can be, even if they're unintended. In my case, my mom was bulimic for decades, so mother-daughter eating meant strict dieting for two days and binging frantically on the third. Plus, every single night, she'd head for the bathroom for that familiar secret ritual that eventually wore down her tooth enamel and wrecked her esophagus. I worried about her for many years before she began to conquer the purging.

I've never been bulimic (thank goodness) but it took me an extraordinarily long time to overcome old binge-eating patterns that had their roots in childhood.


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## wtchmel (Oct 8, 2005)

Hmmm, first realizing i was fat. Well, unfortunatly when i 'apparently' realized, I honestly wasn't really fat. But that's what happens when you grow up with a obsessive dieter all your life.My Mom. I had always had a pear shaped body, the big ass and legs, so the wonderful nickname of thunder thighs was used by mom. I don't remember really having anyone at school say anything about my wieght, it was always just me(and mom and other relatives) who thought I was fat. So, I started the diet merry go round at an early age of 10-11. And here is the kicker, When I met my husband 21 years ago, I thought I was HUGE!! And I immediatly went on Nutri systems paid 400. to do this diet( and this was back in the mid eighties, so it was hard for a 17 year old to come up with this mula) and It lasted a week. Now, you know how fat i really was??? I wieghed 150lbs and was like 5'10" 11" !!!!!!!!! It was the legs and all those years of being told about them. at that weight, I never wore shorts(fat legs) and my first boyfreind told me, i'd be jsut perfect if it weren't for my legs! 
Man, I look back on shit like that, and Wish, so totally wished, I could've had a supportive family to help me realize I was fine, not to mention societies fucked up issues as well!
Thank god my husband loved me just the way I was. he was bigger then me. I started gaining, yet also dieting,(which we all know, just makes us bigger!). I remember a turning point though to semi- acceptance. I had just gone on a hike with that wierdo susan what the f's new diet book, and sat down to read it. The next week, I got home, found out I was pregnant and was elated that I got to eat whatever i wanted without guilt!!! AFter the baby, I just kept gaining, and a couple years later came across a wonderful zine called "FatSo!! for people who don't apologize for thier size". This was THE turning point on self acceptance and i devoured anything size acceptance. Now,I'm fat(for real) at 320lbs and 6 ft tall. I mostly enjoy it, but living in this society, it's still hard. I have to pick and choose what I read or watch, so I won't screw with my self esteem. ( we all have our good days and bad days)
So thats it, I went rambling on, and I'm sorry. I guess I just needed to let it out! LOL


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## bigsexy920 (Oct 8, 2005)

I come from a family if "big" people but it wasn't till 1st grade that I realized that all people were not "my" size. I remember feeling bad for them, till the teasing started. Sortly after that I remember the diets that my mom would put the "Family" on, as she would say, " we could all afford to lose some weight". I guess somethings never change.


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## TallFatSue (Oct 8, 2005)

TallFatSue said:


> I didn't try to gain so much weight, but I didn't try to stop either, and I probably ate even more just to piss her off.


(Hmm, hubby was looking over my shoulder this morning...)
Art: You still do that.
Sue: Do what?
Art: Eat more to tick off your mother.
Sue: I do not.
Art: Yes you do. I know you love to eat, but sometimes you outdo yourself when we visit your parents. Not that I object. (reaching over my shoulders and patting my belly)
Sue: Well, Mom's a great cook.

He might have a point. Well, we'll soon find out. Art & I are off to visit my parents this afternoon. Dad needs some help moving some furniture or something, so Art will give him a hand, and Mom is cooking dinner for us (funny, we're in our late 40s and Mom still calls us "you kids"). I love my parents, but sometimes I just gotta take Mom with a grain of salt. We'll see whether she comments on the size of my belly or butt, again. 

Sue


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## Obesus (Oct 8, 2005)

...at the Doctor's office when I was nine and he poked my belly mentioned that I was fat and put me on a diet! That would have been in 1960. Doesn't seem to have worked though, since I happily tip the scales at 300 pounds now!


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## Fuzzy (Oct 9, 2005)

I was a stick-thin kid all the way up thru school and into college. But I always had a big appetite.

When I was a poor college student, and I was forced to live on my own inexperienced cooking, I realized that I had better listen to what my mother was trying to teach me in the kitchen.

And I bought lots and lots of cookbooks. After I graduated, and got a deskjob, I continued to have a big appetite and one day, at a company sponsored lunch at a Chinese buffet, a co-worker looked at me and said, "You're getting fat."


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## fatlane (Oct 9, 2005)

Chinese buffet...

YOU BEEN HERE FOUR HOUR!!! YOU GO HOME NOW!!!

Who was the comedian who said that? Funny guy...


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## Moonchild (Oct 9, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Chinese buffet...
> 
> YOU BEEN HERE FOUR HOUR!!! YOU GO HOME NOW!!!
> 
> Who was the comedian who said that? Funny guy...



Hehe... Once when I was young, like third or fourth grade or something, I took the day off from school because I was sick, but I had to go to work with my dad. For lunch we went to a Chinese buffet with my dad's partner, who actually ate enough that the waitress asked "Are you done yet?"


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## TallFatSue (Oct 9, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Chinese buffet...
> 
> YOU BEEN HERE FOUR HOUR!!! YOU GO HOME NOW!!!
> 
> Who was the comedian who said that? Funny guy...


I think that was John Pinette.


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## bigsexy920 (Oct 9, 2005)

That was a comedian? I thought it was the guy at my local buffet


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## fatlane (Oct 9, 2005)

TallFatSue said:


> I think that was John Pinette.



That's the guy. Loved his stuff. He had another one about "spicy pork"...

Chinese Waiter: Sooooo... what you want?
Old Jewish Lady: Which ones of these have pork in them?
CW: You want pork? Sure, sure!
OJL: NOOO! I DON'T WANT PORK!
CW: Sure, sure! You got pork!
OJL: Nothing, spicy, either.
CW: SPICY PORK! Sure, sure! I get you spicy pork!
OJL: NO I DON'T WANT SPICY PORK!
CW: Sure, sure! Spicy pork!


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## BBW Betty (Oct 10, 2005)

Wow, Sue. Most of your posts really speak to me. I had many similar experiences--with Phy Ed class and with my Mom. I was born skinny, I guess, but that didn't last through toddlerhood. 

I first realized I was fat during eighth grade Phy Ed. The teacher's favorites were the girls involved in sports, of course. Being a farm kid, I had chores to do, and my folks did not have time to drive me around for stuff like that besides. Anyway, during the Presidential Fitness Unit (Remember those?) we all had to be weighed and the favorites got to "help." Well, I was 13 or 14 years old, and the scale hit 180. With the other girls there, the teacher just put venom into her voice with, "Do you SEE that? Do you see THAT?" It was very hard to feel good about myself for a long time after that. Luckily, as mean as kids can be, very few of my classmates were as cruel as that teacher.

Betty


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## EtobicokeFA (Oct 10, 2005)

fatlane said:


> Chinese buffet...
> 
> YOU BEEN HERE FOUR HOUR!!! YOU GO HOME NOW!!!
> 
> Who was the comedian who said that? Funny guy...



I believe that was Louey Anderson.


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## dragorat (Dec 19, 2005)

Always a fairly rounded rodent here...


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## slimchic77 (Dec 19, 2005)

EtobicokeFA said:


> I believe that was Louey Anderson.



Definitely John Pinette.

http://www.comediansusa.com/celebs/pinette_john.html


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## Zandoz (Dec 19, 2005)

Well, the first time I was made aware of being fat was when I was in 1st grade, and was hit with several illnesses at once, and spent a good part of the year in the hospital. I can remeber the doctor telling my parents that it was good that I had a lot of extra meat on my bones, other wise it probably would have killed me. From that point on, it was made sure that I had plenty to eat.


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## Single26Female (Dec 20, 2005)

When my mom and sister called me fat in elementary school...2nd grade-ish.

I truly felt overweight when I lost 90lbs, regained it, and have now seen girls that are the size I used to be...and I think they are skinny.

Did that make sense? Sorry, I'm tanked up on cold meds.


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## cute_obese_girl (Dec 20, 2005)

I must have gotten fat somewhere between kindergarten and second grade. Some other girl came up to me in school and said she was in my kindergarten class. She said "what happened to you? You got so fat. You used so to be pretty too." 

After that it was mostly my family. By the time I was 11 I started starving myself. Didn't really work though, it just sent my already slow metabolism through the basement floor. But I kept right on doing it through my first couple of years of college gaining weight steadily along the way. My relationship got worse with my parents when I dropped out of college. Eventually it came to a point where I didn't think they could think any less of me. That's when I stopped starving myself. I figured why torture myself, they've already decided I'm a disappointment and an embarrassment. I gained quite a bit more weight because it takes a couple of years or so bring your metabolism back after 10yrs of not eating at regular intervals. I've leveled, off at 350. I'm pretty ok with it, but it still hurts when my mother suggests I seek help from a therapist or something. Obviously I must be mentally off to be this big right? No matter what I've done in my life, its never been good enough. I just need to get over the fact that I'm such a disappointment to them. Still working on that last part.


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## vix (Dec 20, 2005)

I have always been big. At about eight yrs old I was put on a diet by the doctor. To be supportive my mum joined me on this diet.

It was hell trying to stick to it at that age, my mum on the other hand was sticking to it religeously but didn't seem to be losing any weight.

I soon found out why, when walking in on my mum in the bathroom stuffing her face with shortbread:doh: 

After that she stopped trying to slim me down.

I still remind her of this if she mentions my weight


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## 1300 Class (Dec 20, 2005)

When I consciously realised it about 8 years ago.


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Dec 20, 2005)

I was always the skinniest kid in school, and got even skinnier in 12th Grade after I had my spleen removed - I was 5 foot 11 (the same height I am now) and 112 pounds!!!! I used to wear bell-bottoms with a 29-inch waist. 

But then they lowered the drinking age to 18 and I discovered beer. And after my first marriage failed and I wound up living in a rented room, I ate a lot of junk food. Eventually, I more than doubled my high school weight - according to the charts in the doctor's office, I'm "obese". But I think I'm fine the way I am.


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## exile in thighville (Dec 21, 2005)

approximately 10 years from now when my terrible diet catches up with me


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## StarStruck (Dec 21, 2005)

Just like Jes, I also realized I was fat when I hit puberty. I did several diets from the age of 12 to 20 and always ended up a little heavier in the end. It's been a long road to accept me as myself, but I think I'm getting there.


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## MisticalMisty (Dec 22, 2005)

I realized I was fat in the first grade when my crush called me big apple. From then on, I remember my mom's exasperation at having to buy husky jeans for me at jc pennys. I was on my first set of diet pills in the second grade and my family proceeded to bribe me with money the rest of my childhood to loose weight. So, I guess I've always known I was fat..but it's only within the last 6 years did I realize I'm also beautiful :wubu:


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