# Why do BBWs Feel the Need....



## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 10, 2005)

To ask BBW admirers what we like about BBWs? Is there some unstated intention women have in asking?


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## AnnMarie (Dec 11, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> To ask BBW admirers what we like about BBWs? Is there some unstated intention women have in asking?



Yes. 

To hear nice things about ourselves, something most of us grew up not even thinking was possible. Sometimes it's nice to hear the variety of answers in PRAISE of bodies that we were taught to hide and feel shame over. 

Sometimes, also, women just like to pick at a man's brain. 

When you hear hoofbeats, don't assume zebras. Sometimes it's just regular ol' human curiosity.


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## ThatFatGirl (Dec 11, 2005)

As someone who still struggles with self acceptance, hearing what an FA or admirer loves about fat women helps me see myself in a more positive light. I quit asking that particular question of men I meet at this point in my life, but I will read a thread on this board or boards like it if it's asked.. or if my bf cares to tell me what he loves about my body, I of course listen most intently (with gratitude and honestly still with a degree of amazement).

FAs are truly wonderful.


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Dec 11, 2005)

ThatFatGirl said:


> FAs are truly wonderful.


As are BBWs....


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## jamie (Dec 11, 2005)

When even the news is running stories about the epidemic of obesity and how it is the downfall of a nation; and when the next segment is how to hide those bulges for holiday parties, I think one can't help but wonder.


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## Carrie (Dec 11, 2005)

This is a really good question. 

I used to ask this question of FA's I was considering meeting in RL, and the reason was that I wanted to make sure they were interested in my entire body package, not just the large chest or bottom. True FA's love the whole package, which is ideal and wonderful, but there are plenty of men who claim to be BBW admirers simply because they like large chests or large bottoms. And while there's nothing wrong being particularly enamored of one particular body part, I don't want to be with a man who simply endures the rest of my body because I have a large chest. I want a man who finds the entire me attractive and sexy.

However, I did eventually realize that many FA's aren't comfortable with the question, and feel like they are being made to explain something inexplicable (i.e. imagine someone asking you to describe WHY you love your favorite food -- can you do it?), so I've since stopped. I can pretty well weed out the true FA's from the others now.


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## BBW Betty (Dec 11, 2005)

Growing up, I was picked on so often by the boys because I was fat, that it just feels good to know my husband likes what he sees. When we first met, and shook hands, he held mine for that extra split second that told me he liked what he saw. I had heard there were men who liked big women, but couldn't quite believe it. 

I think we just enjoy hearing that we're beautiful as we are, and that we don't have to change anything.


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## loves2laugh (Dec 11, 2005)

i also grew up being made fun of because i was fat so the concept of someone actually finding it attractive is foreign to me. as i have gotten older i have found that the opinions of others mean less and less, but there is still that wounded little girl within that needs to hear that she is attractive. i am learning, however that there is still a concept of being someone's fetish that to me is just as bad as being mocked for being fat. but that is for another thread....


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## AnnMarie (Dec 11, 2005)

loves2laugh said:


> i also grew up being made fun of because i was fat so the concept of someone actually finding it attractive is foreign to me. as i have gotten older i have found that the opinions of others mean less and less, but there is still that wounded little girl within that needs to hear that she is attractive. i am learning, however that there is still a concept of being someone's fetish that to me is just as bad as being mocked for being fat. but that is for another thread....



Not a fetish. Preference. 

And there is another thread... link her, anyone?? Can't seem to find it right now.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 11, 2005)

AnnMarie said:


> Yes.
> 
> To hear nice things about ourselves, something most of us grew up not even thinking was possible. Sometimes it's nice to hear the variety of answers in PRAISE of bodies that we were taught to hide and feel shame over.
> 
> ...



I always wondered if this was just something to make guys put on their thinking caps. LOL.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 11, 2005)

jamie said:


> When even the news is running stories about the epidemic of obesity and how it is the downfall of a nation; and when the next segment is how to hide those bulges for holiday parties, I think one can't help but wonder.



No woman need hide her bulges for me. I say, display them proudly while wearing the sexiest gown a woman can conceive of.


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## Tina (Dec 11, 2005)

It's Here.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 11, 2005)

loves2laugh said:


> i also grew up being made fun of because i was fat so the concept of someone actually finding it attractive is foreign to me. as i have gotten older i have found that the opinions of others mean less and less, but there is still that wounded little girl within that needs to hear that she is attractive. i am learning, however that there is still a concept of being someone's fetish that to me is just as bad as being mocked for being fat. but that is for another thread....




No one should be desired solely because he or she is fat. It's nice if you like the fat--just as you might be attracted to a person of another color, but what really matters is if you like the PERSON INSIDE. Our consumerist culture often emphasizes the outside rather than the inside.


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## MizzRubens (Dec 11, 2005)

Carrie said:


> I used to ask this question of FA's I was considering meeting in RL, and the reason was that I wanted to make sure they were interested in my entire body package, not just the large chest or bottom. True FA's love the whole package, which is ideal and wonderful, but there are plenty of men who claim to be BBW admirers simply because they like large chests or large bottoms. And while there's nothing wrong being particularly enamored of one particular body part, I don't want to be with a man who simply endures the rest of my body because I have a large chest. I want a man who finds the entire me attractive and sexy.



That is so true Carrie. I agree with you. 

I have only met two true FA's in RL and it was wonderful to have them like ME, my whole body and my personality.

Any Dutch FA's available? LOL.


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## eljay (Dec 11, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> To ask BBW admirers what we like about BBWs? Is there some unstated intention women have in asking?


 
IMHO it is likely because it is oft seen as "odd"... society currently point tries to lead us to believe Thin = Attractive. In which case why would you go for a BBW?


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 12, 2005)

eljay said:


> IMHO it is likely because it is oft seen as "odd"... society currently point tries to lead us to believe Thin = Attractive. In which case why would you go for a BBW?




True. And as FAs we are marching to our own drummers, not society's.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 12, 2005)

Carrie said:


> This is a really good question.
> 
> I used to ask this question of FA's I was considering meeting in RL, and the reason was that I wanted to make sure they were interested in my entire body package, not just the large chest or bottom. True FA's love the whole package, which is ideal and wonderful, but there are plenty of men who claim to be BBW admirers simply because they like large chests or large bottoms. And while there's nothing wrong being particularly enamored of one particular body part, I don't want to be with a man who simply endures the rest of my body because I have a large chest. I want a man who finds the entire me attractive and sexy.



Carrie, thank you for bringing this up. I had never looked at things this way, and I'm glad you bring this up. Many FAs do have their preferences regarding body parts. Some like pear shaped women. Others like hourglass or extremely buxom women. This becomes a problem when a man fetishizes the big woman's body parts instead of loving the entire woman.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 12, 2005)

Carrie said:


> However, I did eventually realize that many FA's aren't comfortable with the question, and feel like they are being made to explain something inexplicable (i.e. imagine someone asking you to describe WHY you love your favorite food -- can you do it?), so I've since stopped. I can pretty well weed out the true FA's from the others now.



Exactly. Asking this question is like asking "Why are you gay?" or "Why do you like tall men." Now I do have my standard answer, but I've pretty much gotten sick of feeling like the questioner needs some sort of justification for my being attracted to her to begin with. 

A lot of guys are not always comfortable with being seen in public with large women. I've never had this problem. I don't care what people think about the person I'm with.


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## rickie78 (Dec 13, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> To ask BBW admirers what we like about BBWs? Is there some unstated intention women have in asking?



Good Question... Better one is why is there a need for the "BiG" in BBW? I mean why cant they just be seen by themself and others as just beautiful women?I mean what makes someone big? I mean women like the very sexy Betty Page would be thought of by some as well Chubby... So it all a matter of how you select to look at it


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## Jes (Dec 13, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> Carrie, thank you for bringing this up. I had never looked at things this way, and I'm glad you bring this up. Many FAs do have their preferences regarding body parts. Some like pear shaped women. Others like hourglass or extremely buxom women. This becomes a problem when a man fetishizes the big woman's body parts instead of loving the entire woman.



This comment speaks to me. Even here, when I think about the preferences that I see above described, I feel...not that I fall short, b/c my worth is a constant regardless of how anyone else views me, but not sought after, I guess is the way I'd put it. I feel like the supersized women, the pears, or the hourglass-shaped women are the biggest hits. So now, someone tell me honestly, is this just me doing the 'grass is greener' thing? I sometimes almost feel apologetic for not weighing 400 lbs. or being a pear shape. I wonder if there are any other women who share that with me?


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 13, 2005)

rickie78 said:


> Good Question... Better one is why is there a need for the "BiG" in BBW? I mean why cant they just be seen by themself and others as just beautiful women?I mean what makes someone big? I mean women like the very sexy Betty Page would be thought of by some as well Chubby... So it all a matter of how you select to look at it




The reason why we have the "Big" in BBW is possibly that the coiners of the term wanted to take ownership of the word big and reframe to to mean something good instead of something bad. Unfortunately in America, one's physical appearance is often considered to be a large indicator of one's human worth. This is why we have size discrimination, racial discrimination, and gender discrimination and discrimination against gays and lesbians.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 13, 2005)

Jes said:


> This comment speaks to me. Even here, when I think about the preferences that I see above described, I feel...not that I fall short, b/c my worth is a constant regardless of how anyone else views me, but not sought after, I guess is the way I'd put it. I feel like the supersized women, the pears, or the hourglass-shaped women are the biggest hits. So now, someone tell me honestly, is this just me doing the 'grass is greener' thing? I sometimes almost feel apologetic for not weighing 400 lbs. or being a pear shape. I wonder if there are any other women who share that with me?



*Jess, I'm not female but what I can tell you is that the way you are thinking about this could be typical of some BBWs or women in general. Every guy is different and every guy is looking for something different. Perhaps these are the things that seem to stand out most for you.*


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 13, 2005)

*Ladies and gents, thank you for taking time to answer my thread. I have found all of your answers and ideas to be enlightening.
 
I've been getting this question of why I like BBWs for 5 years, so it definitly does help to see into the female mind a bit. LOL *


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## Jes (Dec 13, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> *Jess, I'm not female but what I can tell you is that the way you are thinking about this could be typical of some BBWs or women in general. Every guy is different and every guy is looking for something different. Perhaps these are the things that seem to stand out most for you.*



Yeah...I think there must be a lot of truth to this but I am curious if other women feel the same about this topic. 

Or maybe I should just show my boobs more.


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 13, 2005)

Jes said:


> Or maybe I should just show my boobs more.



*That should do it.

Ladies, please fall out of the woodwork and help Jess out here.*


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## Jes (Dec 13, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> *That should do it.
> 
> Ladies, please fall out of the woodwork and help Jess out here.*



fall out? by their boobs, or...?


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## Tarella (Dec 13, 2005)

I think we ask because we want reassurance that we look ok....most women do. I think BBW's perhaps do it more if they feel safe enough with the person they are with. Its a hard job being a BBW. We want to match up to someone's standards but we get caught between looking good for the part of society that ridicules us for being fat, and the other sadly smaller part of society that says we are beautiful just the way we are. If we dont have a clear direction which way we want to be, we stumble around a lot. Smart women end up realizing that they should accentuate their assets. Most people seek positive affirmation in some way.

That being said, its also a hard job being a Man regardless of female body preference. Women can ask a question that they dont want an answer to....catching the guy into a bitch trap (as I call it) so that he cant win either way.


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## Fallen Angel (Dec 13, 2005)

Jes said:


> I feel like the supersized women, the pears, or the hourglass-shaped women are the biggest hits. ... I sometimes almost feel apologetic for not weighing 400 lbs. or being a pear shape. I wonder if there are any other women who share that with me?



Jes,
I'm pretty new to this whole world, but I definitely feel that way too! My love was an FA, but I honestly believe I wasn't "fat enough" for him. It's great to be osrtacized by both sides! (And by 'great' I mean 'terrible'.)


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## Tina (Dec 14, 2005)

CurvaciousBBWLover, just a suggestion, or maybe I'm the only one who is bothered by it, but the color of your lettering makes your posts so difficult to read that I'm tempted not to try sometimes. Maybe a darker green? The color value of your lettering is close enough to the color value of the background that it makes my eyeballs vibrate in their sockets.  [edited to add: Thank you!!]

Jes, I can't say I feel that way personally, but I think I can empathize that it feels shitty to feel that one doesn't fit in with the desires of the thin world *or* the fat world. Whether that is actually true or not in the eyes of others, it's enough if it feels that way to you.


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## MissToodles (Dec 14, 2005)

Jes said:


> This comment speaks to me. Even here, when I think about the preferences that I see above described, I feel...not that I fall short, b/c my worth is a constant regardless of how anyone else views me, but not sought after, I guess is the way I'd put it. I feel like the supersized women, the pears, or the hourglass-shaped women are the biggest hits. So now, someone tell me honestly, is this just me doing the 'grass is greener' thing? I sometimes almost feel apologetic for not weighing 400 lbs. or being a pear shape. I wonder if there are any other women who share that with me?



My theory:

There aren't as many supersized women around so when you go on the internet, you can be more picky about what you want. So it's comparable to a buffet, I'll have a little bit of this and a little bit of that. 

I do see a lot of big women around where I live, but no one nearly as big as me. It might be easier to approach someone fatter online, they may as feel they wouldn't be as rejected, maybe less full of self hatred?

Anyway, no need to feel apologetic, you're awesome at any size and we're all in this together!


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## Jes (Dec 14, 2005)

MissToodles said:


> My theory:
> 
> There aren't as many supersized women around so when you go on the internet, you can be more picky about what you want. So it's comparable to a buffet, I'll have a little bit of this and a little bit of that.
> 
> ...



The above is a REALLY good answer (your first two paragraphs, I mean) and something I had not thought of at all, so I'm glad I asked.

And thanks. I AM awesome, here in my shack.


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## BBW Betty (Dec 14, 2005)

Jes said:


> fall out? by their boobs, or...?



As a woman who must pay over $60.00 per bra I own,  I think I can answer this. (and it's all original--nothing added or artificial). 

For years, I thought showing off my boobs a little might help. But it only brings the wrong kind of attention. When the guys won't look you in the eyes because they're too busy staring at your chest, you know they're not interested in you as a person. Plus, I wasn't comfortable at all. It got cold!

So...if you are comfortable dressing in a more revealing fashion, go for it, but don't do it just to please someone else.

I didn't meet my sweetie until I was 31 years old, but when you do meet the right guy, it is SO worth the wait. Wish you the best.


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## Jes (Dec 14, 2005)

BBW Betty said:


> So...if you are comfortable dressing in a more revealing fashion, go for it, but don't do it just to please someone else.
> 
> .




heh. No, no. I'm being facetious. I've been told (and could figure it out myself) that I'd jumpstart interest if only I posted revealing shots of some kind. And I'm sure that's true. And while I have no probs with people doing that (and would even do it myself for the full moon, in a green towel), it's not really likely. I'm more the 'behind closed doors' type, I guess? Must be the librarian in me.


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## Tracyarts (Dec 14, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> To ask BBW admirers what we like about BBWs? Is there some unstated intention women have in asking?



For me, asking that question is a way of sniffing out what their motivation might be. Are they just looking for some kind of impersonal encounter with any random accessible woman who is fat enough to fit their fantasy or preference? Is it purely physical? Respectful? Is there shame there? Is there contempt? Is there something worth getting to know them for?

How an admirer answers that question gives some subtle (and not so subtle) insights into how they really feel about fat women. I have asked that question many times, and recieved many different answers. Some good, some bad. But in nearly every single case, it has given me clues as to what their motivation and possible agenda in approaching me might be.

Tracy


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 14, 2005)

Tina said:


> CurvaciousBBWLover, just a suggestion, or maybe I'm the only one who is bothered by it, but the color of your lettering makes your posts so difficult to read that I'm tempted not to try sometimes. Maybe a darker green? The color value of your lettering is close enough to the color value of the background that it makes my eyeballs vibrate in their sockets.  [edited to add: Thank you!!]
> 
> Jes, I can't say I feel that way personally, but I think I can empathize that it feels shitty to feel that one doesn't fit in with the desires of the thin world *or* the fat world. Whether that is actually true or not in the eyes of others, it's enough if it feels that way to you.



Tina, thanks for the suggestion. I was thinking of switching to magenta anyway. Emory


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 14, 2005)

Tarella said:


> I think we ask because we want reassurance that we look ok....most women do. I think BBW's perhaps do it more if they feel safe enough with the person they are with. Its a hard job being a BBW. We want to match up to someone's standards but we get caught between looking good for the part of society that ridicules us for being fat, and the other sadly smaller part of society that says we are beautiful just the way we are. If we dont have a clear direction which way we want to be, we stumble around a lot. Smart women end up realizing that they should accentuate their assets. Most people seek positive affirmation in some way.
> 
> That being said, its also a hard job being a Man regardless of female body preference. Women can ask a question that they dont want an answer to....catching the guy into a bitch trap (as I call it) so that he cant win either way.



|And that is exactly why I think I am going to politely pass on answering this thing. Dating is enough of a minefield that there is no need to add to the list of potential first-date gaffes.


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## Tarella (Dec 14, 2005)

I think you can never go wrong with telling a woman that she is very appealing or sexy to you if she is asking what you like. No need to explain further if you are worried how she will take that.

Are too many BBW's asking you what you like? what you prefer? Why does it frustrate you?*S*

Tara


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## CurvaceousBBWLover (Dec 15, 2005)

Tarella said:


> I think you can never go wrong with telling a woman that she is very appealing or sexy to you if she is asking what you like. No need to explain further if you are worried how she will take that.
> 
> Are too many BBW's asking you what you like? what you prefer? Why does it frustrate you?*S*
> 
> Tara



Perhaps. Even if I meet the lady in person and don't provide my internet screen name. And I never had to deal with this when I dated skinny girls so it's a little off-putting.


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## Pink (Dec 15, 2005)

Jes said:


> This comment speaks to me. Even here, when I think about the preferences that I see above described, I feel...not that I fall short, b/c my worth is a constant regardless of how anyone else views me, but not sought after, I guess is the way I'd put it. I feel like the supersized women, the pears, or the hourglass-shaped women are the biggest hits. So now, someone tell me honestly, is this just me doing the 'grass is greener' thing? I sometimes almost feel apologetic for not weighing 400 lbs. or being a pear shape. I wonder if there are any other women who share that with me?



I have felt the same way before. I'm more of an apple shape myself.
And when I gain it goes straight to the belly and arms. 
I have given up trying to guess why men are attracted to certain shapes or looks lol I just know now that some of them dont mind mine.


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## T'Rina / MsXXL (Dec 17, 2005)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> To ask BBW admirers what we like about BBWs? Is there some unstated intention women have in asking?




Every man i have ever met likes something different, or a different combination of things. This is true about BBW Admirers as well as men who perfer slender, average and plump women.
Men who perfer blondes often hve a wide variety for doing so.
And then there is the fact that we live in a world that is very unflattering to us, we also live in a world where people seem to have a hard time offering honest flattery to others and so when we are faced with a man who professes to desire us it is only reasonable that we are curious about why if he doesn't offer the info freely.


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## Emma (Dec 17, 2005)

I like to ask a guy what he likes because if I'm going to meet him I want to make sure Im' not going to be rejected for my looks, or at least reassure myself a little bit.


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## vix (Dec 18, 2005)

I'm an apple shape, and every time there is a "what men prefer" thread it is always the pear shape they go for even if there preference is supersized.

I'm big but not supersized and as I said an apple, so yes I still feel an outsider.

Also I find that the paysite girls get more response to their threads and replies (strange that).

It took me ages to get the courage up to put my photo on this site (just my face mind you) and made a thread "this is me," and got about two replies.

Another woman put her photo in a thread for the first time with everything on show and got pages of responses.

I felt quite upset about it (stupid I know, hurt ego and all that), but it seems as though you are treated different even on here where you would hope for acceptence; it feels like they are the popular girls and I'm still the fat kid.


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## OriginalCyn (Dec 18, 2005)

...doesn't it?

I can think of one legit reason wanting to know, but I wouldn't expect an honest answer if the guy had a negative reason for his preference, and that's why I'd never ask!

What sort of "negative" reasons am I talking about? Well, we all know that there are people (usually men, sometimes women) who prey on those whom they perceive to have low self-esteem. It is the low self-esteem itself that is attractive to them, not the qualities that contribute to the low self-esteem. They assume that someone who has low self-esteem is easily dominated/controlled.

Example:
I know someone like that from another board (NOT a FA--AAMOF, he just launched a thread about not being attracted to any women who's "gotten fat" on him--by gaining as little as 30 pounds). He had a pattern of going with women who had substance abuse issues. And then he'd get angry when it turned out that they had minds of their own, and he wasn't able to control them. I used to have a SMALL amount of sympathy when he related his tale of woe about being youthful and sexually-naive and getting his then-GF pregnant because he didn't know about contraception. She went off with one of her gal pals and got an abortion, even though he says that he would have been willing to raise their child on his own, with no further obligation from her. That event was a focal point of his life, and he's obsessed over "saving babies" ever since. But later he let it slip that virtually all of his GFs and wives have had substance abuse issues or were "train wrecks" in other ways (his son's mother died of an overdose, and he's raised that boy on his own), AND that more than one woman has aborted "his" baby. Although I'm adamantly pro-choice, I had a LITTLE BIT of sympathy for him when he related his tale of what had happened to him when he was young and naive. But when this sort of thing becomes a pattern, you KNOW that something else is going on, and that something is deliberately seeking out needy, helpless women who might be easily-controlled. Aside from his issues around women and reproductive rights, he strikes me--solely from the context of his posts--that he's a "rugged individualist" who likes to control all aspects of his own life...even if it means that he has to be a big hypocrite and attempt to control those who are a part of his life.

Now, *IF* some man were to be attracted to me in part because he likes the look of a fat woman in in part because he's got preconceived notions about dependency, low self-esteem, and a lack of competition from other males, do you think that he'd admit to anything other than liking the looks of fat women if I were to ask him why he's an FA? Heck, no!


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## Jes (Dec 18, 2005)

vix said:


> I'm an apple shape, and every time there is a "what men prefer" thread it is always the pear shape they go for even if there preference is supersized.
> 
> I'm big but not supersized and as I said an apple, so yes I still feel an outsider.
> 
> ...



Vix, I thank you for your candor. It helps me not feel like I"m the only one. I have never been the 'look at me!' type (and it sounds like you're not, either) and I think that's part of the lack of responses, actually. It's good to remember that, though not always easy. I also know that going to the internet for validation is usually a damned bad idea, but I fell into that trap anyway! I'm human. 
Friday night, I told my story to a friend ("I showed my tits to the internet, and no one cared!") and we had a good laugh about it then. Lots of times things in life make better stories after my annoyance or confusion wear off. 
But yeah, I hear you, and good for you for posting a shot, regardless of what anyone had to say (or not say) about it.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 18, 2005)

For Vix, and anyone else feeling similarly... 

I think you have to take into consideration a few other things as well. I personally am what you'd call a "paysite girl" but that only happened a year ago. I have been an active member of this community since early in 1998, at first with almost no pictures, then a personal site, etc. So you may see something I say, or a conversation I'm in, as being more active than yours, but it's not because I have paysite, it's because I'm old-school and very, very comfortable here. 

I know your post wasn't directed to me, but I'm just using myself as an example to give you some other perspective. I can chat and get many conversations going here because I've been here forever and a day. Most long-timers know me, and we've got a comfortable give and take. I feel comfortable posting just about anything to anyone, and stating my opinion flat out. I'll jump in the middle of any thread if I want to, or have something to contribute, and that gets your name out, and makes other posters more comfortable interacting with you. I can post with newbies and get them going, or engage them when something comes up and move them along a bit. I hope that sort of makes sense. 

I think that if you're feeling like you're the "fat kid" even here, then you're doing yourself a disservice. Not that you're wrong to feel however you do, but just that internalizing things that may not, in fact, be intentional slights could cause your overall experience here to suffer. 

Just because there are more vocal "pear" guys around doesn't mean there aren't just as many guys who are into apples, and just bellies in general. Come here for a community of like-minded fat women and men who enjoy a large woman, take strength from that. Don't worry about the responses and validation... that will come from within.


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## Jes (Dec 18, 2005)

thanks for your insight, ann marie. i enjoy reading your posts. and of course one needs to validate one's self, which I generally do, but I know we all like being the prettiest princess, sometimes.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 18, 2005)

Jes said:


> thanks for your insight, ann marie. i enjoy reading your posts. and of course one needs to validate one's self, which I generally do, but I know we all like being the prettiest princess, sometimes.



LOL, definately, everyone wants to be the one to wear the crown sometimes, and I completely understand that. I guess I just meant, it's not always as it seems, sometimes there are a bunch of other factors that feed into what appears to be going on. I don't want anyone to feel like they're not welcome or valued or appreciated here, because I honestly don't believe that's the case.


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## vix (Dec 19, 2005)

Thanks AnnMarie, I know you are right. Infact I admire the paysite girls no end, and think they are beautiful, (and yes I am more than a little jealous ).

You girls are celebs of the fat world:smitten: 

What I mean though is even in the fat world It feels that the apples are the minorities.

I'm not truly upset in a deep way, I'm married so I'm not on the look out for anyone.

It's just an observation that stands out when you find yourself in the less prefered catagory.

As Jes said I want to be a princess damn it! 

As I said though you are right, it takes time to get to know people.


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## Jane (Dec 19, 2005)

I guess I want the ideal....I want a guy to like me, and the fact I happen to be a fat girl just be part of the package.

I don't want to be liked/loved because I'm fat, that's only part of ME. I don't want to be liked because I'm bossy, but that is part of ME. 

I want someone to appreciate my sense of humor, outlook on life, past experiences, and I will reciprocate.

I just want the "fat girl" prejudice removed from the situation.

If I have ever asked a guy what he liked about me, I wasn't fishing for anything about size. I wanted to hear how much fun I am, about my vibrant personality, and how drop dead gorgeous I am....you know, the truth. LOL


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## Jane (Dec 19, 2005)

vix said:


> As Jes said I want to be a princess damn it!


That's what my avatar is about.


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## Emma (Dec 19, 2005)

vix said:


> What I mean though is even in the fat world It feels that the apples are the minorities.



Heh that means you have less compition with the apple admirers! 

I dunno what I am, I think I'm apple too?


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## MissToodles (Dec 19, 2005)

Vix, there's a pot for every cover and this is written sincerely. Just have a more positive attitude about yourself and the rest will follow. Sometimes praise isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

I have a boyfriend who loves me very much and likes to compliment me. But I still have body issues, wish I didn't but he can't be the one to help fill the self esteem void inside.


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## Jes (Dec 19, 2005)

Tood, you didn't address that to me, but I'll add: I know fully what you're saying. Nothing is a panacea, I'm wise enough to know that (crazy, since i"m only 19!!) but the thing is, lately I'm feeling rather like self-acceptance means I'm the only one who accepts me. Or that...while all validation shouldn't come from without, none of us lives in a vaccuum, where that stuff doesn't matter.

And I'm not looking to be fixed, since I"m not broken. But hearing that others have felt as I do is comforting to me when I'm having these moments. Not so much a fix as just a chance to be heard.

and on a personal note, I don't subscribe to the 'every pot has a lid' thing--I'm a potter, I should know.  haha.


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## MissToodles (Dec 19, 2005)

okay that's cool! But I always have this negative voice inside my head. It always affirms my doubts and insecurities. Someone please remove that nasty little person which resides within. 

It's strange because about a year and a half ago, I didn't feel so bad about myself.


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## Jes (Dec 19, 2005)

It is AMAZING, isn't it, how what we think will make us feel better so often doesn't? And we simply cannot know that 'til we have that experience. Trying to explain it to someone who is young, or inexperienced, or naive, does no good. I hear you. The things we think will give us security (or any other sense or emotion) don't, and the things we don't know will help us sometimes really do. And thank god for that! Maybe it's a grass-is-greener-thing.


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## vix (Dec 19, 2005)

You know I really am fine with myself, I'm not crying in my beer or anything:eat2: As I said, just an observation and agreement with Jes.

There's multiple layers to accepting yourself as a whole person, feeling sexy is just a tiny thin layer compared to the others; which I've got pretty much got down pat.

I have a partner who loves me regardless of size (he's not an FA) so it's kind of greedy wanting others to find me attractive too, but we all do.

Ego is a fair weather friend indeed:bow: 

I love that others here are having a ball with their size. I love seeing pictures that reflect that too.


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## D square (Jan 4, 2006)

AnnMarie said:


> Yes.
> 
> To hear nice things about ourselves, something most of us grew up not even thinking was possible. Sometimes it's nice to hear the variety of answers in PRAISE of bodies that we were taught to hide and feel shame over.
> 
> ...



Since you asked...in the world according to "D square"
REAL Women have REAL Curves!
In my eyes, A BBW is the definish of a REAL women. Who else can truthfully look you in the eye and say what you see is what you get.

Of cource, that just my opinion.


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## Jes (Jan 4, 2006)

D square said:


> Since you asked...in the world according to "D square"
> REAL Women have REAL Curves!
> In my eyes, A BBW is the definish of a REAL women. Who else can truthfully look you in the eye and say what you see is what you get.
> 
> Of cource, that just my opinion.



Have I already chimed in, here? I think that it's because, for me, I get no compliments (or very, very few). It's not that I can't believe a man would find me attractive, I just don't hear that they do. So if I feel comfortable asking someone the question, that's why!


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## Ryan (Jan 5, 2006)

CurvaceousBBWLover said:


> To ask BBW admirers what we like about BBWs? Is there some unstated intention women have in asking?



I suppose it's possible that there are unstated intentions, but I'm guessing that it's mostly curiousity. I'm a tall white guy, and if some woman told me she _really_ liked tall white guys, I'd be kind of curious as to why this is.

But at the same time, I agree with Carrie:



Carrie said:


> However, I did eventually realize that many FA's aren't comfortable with the question, and feel like they are being made to explain something inexplicable (i.e. imagine someone asking you to describe WHY you love your favorite food -- can you do it?), so I've since stopped. I can pretty well weed out the true FA's from the others now.


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## Jamgrrrl (Jan 7, 2006)

...of what amazing things they could like about us. I do, however, love to hear about when they first realized that they craved BBW or what their first fond memory is with a BBW. 

One guy told me his first memory of a big girl that he liked was when he was a young boy. He would play with a large young girl at the park. He loved meeting her there to play... even though negotiating the see-saw was quite tricky. *giggle*

- Jam'


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