# Help ?



## sgageny (Dec 18, 2011)

Okay so I realise there are probably ten thousand previous threads that covered this, but I'm looking for fresh views (also I'm too lazy to track the 'elder post' down. I'm not HP...lol) 

Anyway on to my problem. 
Roommate and good friend has recently been putting up some very size/fat negative Facebook status's
The most recent being one yesterday:
" I was such a fat and ugly child, thank god I've changed otherwise I would never let myself leave the house" 

Now my first issue is: I don't know how to bring this up to her, but I really want to challenge her thoughts and her feelings about herself. 
The trouble being that her status's and real life conversation/comments have been more directed to fat girls in general. Myself being the exception, or so she claims. 
Yes she has lost a bit of weight and now can sleep with whom ever she pleases. But the only reason people changed how they treated her was because of the self confidence she gained. 

Second issue: although I usually have pretty thick skin, those comments kinda offended me. I hadn't realised how very size negative she was and it got me thinking about her opinion of me. 


Sooo really what I'm looking for is some reassurance for thinking that her status updates are offensive. I guess an opinion that is level headed (which mine will not be. Ha ha) 
And also ideas about how to speak to her about her body issues/comments in a 'nice' way ? 
Anything anyone can offer will be great, I'm terrible at confrontation and find that I usually fly off the handle too quickly. 

Sorry about the non making sense of this post. It's rather late at night and I'm fried!


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## chicken legs (Dec 18, 2011)

I think her comments are rather passive aggressive so you are right in being leery of her motives. It might be best to find a backup roommate or get ready to live alone before you confront her. She has gone to the dark side.

However, may you have good luck in pulling her out of her funk so you can possibly save the friendship.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 19, 2011)

If she's a good friend, I think talking directly about the issue is the way to go. Just to tell her much of what you told us here - especially about how the posts are affecting you and your feelings in the friendship, but maybe also about her own sense of self and what you see reflected in her (I'd focus on the part that affects you directly, though). If it's a friendship worth keeping, it will be able to handle some honest dialogue.

Hope it goes well! These conversations can be so hard to start...but in my experience, once you get it started, and work through it, it is so worth it.


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## sgageny (Dec 20, 2011)

Thanks heaps for your responses.It really helped. I brought it up in a light way so that it didn't sound like I was accusing her or something and just explained that it had offended me and she really seemed to get it. So yay for not having a crazy confrontation. I think I just over thought it as I can get a bit tetchy when I think something is offensive.


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