# today i have learn to accept things



## svenmad2164 (Jun 4, 2011)

Today
I have learned to accept things and I cannot change people but i can change myself, today and yesterday i got really hurt by two people who i thought where my friends but they where not,so i don't want nothing do with them and i accepted it,also i accepted that other FAs have all the luck, and I don't, people say i am sexy and handsome but to be honest i am dreadfully shy of women,sex and the bbw dances. i am not trying to be down its just a fact of life for me. i found more fun to be alone than to be around people sometimes, and yes sometimes, I prefer a car than a girlfriend yes they both a pain in ass. but the car i can fix,it don't talk back it don't whine, it don't cry when it needs attention and other things. So i accepted that i don't go out,i don't date. i don't need false people who think their stuff don't stink. i have accepted that i cannot see my kids at all and i am a loner who don't talk much and very quiet and shy and i have accepted that


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## mossystate (Jun 4, 2011)

svenmad2164 said:


> I prefer a car than a girlfriend yes they both a pain in ass. but the car i can fix,*it don't talk back it don't whine, it don't cry when it needs attention* and other things.



Yeah, why can't a woman be more like an inanimate object. I've always said this very thing. As to the bolded words...I guess there is only room for one person like that in your relationships?

Good grief.


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## JulianDW (Jun 4, 2011)

This almost sounds like you've _accepted_ defeat. I'd try not to be too upset about the 2 people who hurt you, be glad that they're gone because a fake friend is as bad as an enemy. Plus it leaves room for you to find better friends . I'm pretty shy too at times, one thing that helps me is knowing that there are other shy people who are probably as nervous as me. I used to think I was the only shy person in the world. Cars are pretty fun to tinker with (except if you end up breaking stuff off like me :doh but they provide no emotional support or love like a person. Even though its hard, try to concentrate on whats going good.


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## Elfcat (Jun 4, 2011)

Maybe he just needs a little nomad time. I have felt like this in my life at times, not really that I needed an inanimate object more than a woman, but that you never know when a woman will come who is a really good match in all the ways that make a good relationship work, and a dry run can make for a bit of an urge to strike off alone for a little and regroup. Hopefully that's really what is going on here. Not all other FAs have "all the luck". For both men and women it can seem difficult at times to press on, but eventually our desires lead us back into the fray.


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## daddyoh70 (Jun 4, 2011)

mossystate said:


> Yeah, why can't a woman be more like an inanimate object. I've always said this very thing. As to the bolded words...I guess there is only room for one person like that in your relationships?
> 
> Good grief.



Hey, you get yer shoes off and get back in the kitchen Missy!!!


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## mossystate (Jun 4, 2011)

daddyoh70 said:


> Hey, you get yer shoes off and get back in the kitchen Missy!!!



DONE!!!!

:blush::blush::blush::blush:


















* blows my nose and snaps out of it *


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## D_A_Bunny (Jun 4, 2011)

Cars may not whine and cry but they don't thank you for helping with the garbage, tell you how handsome you look, ask how your day went, lay their hand on yours when you get some bad news, help you figure out your checkbook, put on something sexy and dance for you, go to the car show and be nice to your friends, help you pick out something decent to wear to the special family occasion, confirm that your "insert family member here" is the true a**hole and that you were the honorable one for not knocking them out, making you a pot of soup when you are sick, smooch with you on the couch, tell you "I love you", laugh at your stupid joke, put medicine on your wound, look at you in a way that lets you know that you are the most important person in the world.

I could go on, but really, I hope I made my point.

Nothing that is really good in life is easy. And honestly, it is worth it to find someone if that is what you want for yourself. Stop self sabotaging and negative talking and just be.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 5, 2011)

I hear ya svenmad2164

Relationship with people on any level is more complicated then theoritical quatam physics. So finding comfort in doing something simple, like fix a car, can be very relaxing.

I myself don't drink or party. And that's fine. If that's not your thing then there's no shame in that. I don't understand what's so great about drinking anyways. You blow a bunch of money on booze, only to forget half or more of what you did? Why not just throw some money out the window and go to bed early? 


If you went through a hard time, which it sounds like you did, the yes; take a break from people and find some peace and stability in your life. Find out what does make you happy and make a hobby out of it, or better yet a job! 

When you find that you're feeling better, then get a good friend or two tops that share the same hobby/job.

Good for you that you posted what you did. Cheers!


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## luscious_lulu (Jun 5, 2011)

svenmad2164 said:


> Today
> I prefer a car than a girlfriend yes they both a pain in ass. but the car i can fix,*it don't talk back it don't whine, it don't cry when it needs attention and other things*.



Aren't you the little charmer...


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## kioewen (Jun 5, 2011)

pickleman357 said:


> I hear ya svenmad2164
> 
> Relationship with people on any level is more complicated then theoritical quatam physics. So finding comfort in doing something simple, like fix a car, can be very relaxing.
> 
> ...



Nice to see someone offering him a constructive post rather than snarkiness. Well done.


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## luscious_lulu (Jun 5, 2011)

kioewen said:


> Nice to see someone offering him a constructive post rather than snarkiness. Well done.



Well, some of us find his comments extremely offensive and derogatory.


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## kioewen (Jun 5, 2011)

luscious_lulu said:


> Well, some of us find his comments extremely offensive and derogatory.



Thus, some people feel entitled to kick him when he's down?

That doesn't seem very charitable. In fact, it seems unkind.


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## penguin (Jun 5, 2011)

kioewen said:


> Thus, some people feel entitled to kick him when he's down?
> 
> That doesn't seem very charitable. In fact, it seems unkind.



Sometimes you need a kick in the pants to get yourself moving when a helping hand will be ignored. Pandering and enabling doesn't help anyone get better, it just keeps them doing what they're doing, which usually involves getting them nowhere.

No relationship is perfect, and nobody is perfect. Knowing what you have to offer and can bring to the table in a relationship is important. Recognise your strengths AND your weaknesses so that you know where you can bring and what you need to improve. Learn from your past and make steps to not make the same mistakes again. 

Whining about how hard it can be doesn't get you anywhere. Relationships take work, but they shouldn't be hard work. It's best to not go into one with unrealistic expectations.


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## mossystate (Jun 5, 2011)

kioewen said:


> Thus, some people feel entitled to kick him when he's down?
> 
> That doesn't seem very charitable. In fact, it seems unkind.



* searches for your support, kindness and advice to/for the OP of the thread.......................oh "


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## luscious_lulu (Jun 5, 2011)

kioewen said:


> Thus, some people feel entitled to kick him when he's down?
> 
> That doesn't seem very charitable. In fact, it seems unkind.



Actually, giving him sympathy after what he wrote would be condoning what he wrote. I don't. There are many ways to express how you are feeling, but degrading a group of people because of link (in this case being a woman) is wrong and offensive. 

If someone is going to make a statement that is inflammatory, you better believe I'm going to call them on it.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 5, 2011)

penguin said:


> Sometimes you need a kick in the pants to get yourself moving when a helping hand will be ignored. Pandering and enabling doesn't help anyone get better, it just keeps them doing what they're doing, which usually involves getting them nowhere.


 
There's a difference between a kick in the pants and pulling the dagger out.

From his post alone, I can reasonably conclude;

He's just been betrayed by two friends
He's having trouble finding dates
He's uncomfortable in crowds that he has been going too
He's been hurt by women
He could use a new car
He has children that he might never see again
He just realized that he's an introvert
... That's a lot of shit on his plate. What's wrong with some soul searching and self discovery and time to himself at this point in his life?

How is this even fair to another woman? He shows up and goes, "Hi. I don't really know who I am and do you like all this unresolved luggage I brought?"

No offence to you svenman2164, I'm just saying take a break and work through what you have gone through in your life and learn from it so history doesn't repeat itself.

Hang in there, I'm rootin' for ya! 
</IMG>


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## luscious_lulu (Jun 5, 2011)

pickleman357 said:


> From his post alone, I can reasonably conclude;
> 
> He's just been betrayed by two friends
> He's having trouble finding dates
> ...



None of this excuses his comments about women.


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## penguin (Jun 5, 2011)

pickleman357 said:


> How is this even fair to another woman? He shows up and goes, "Hi. I don't really know who I am and do you like all this unresolved luggage I brought?"
> 
> No offence to you svenman2164, I'm just saying take a break and work through what you have gone through in your life and learn from it so history doesn't repeat itself.



Taking a break to get your head around who you are, where you're at and what you need to work on is a good thing to do. After I broke up with my ex, I spent a lot of time figuring out where I'd gone wrong and what I could do to stop myself from making those same mistakes again (I also thought a lot about what he'd done wrong too, because it sure as shit wasn't all my fault things went down the way they did).

When you've got a lot on your plate, you need to figure out what's the most important issue to tackle, what can wait and what doesn't matter. With all he's got going on, dating should probably be on the back burner for now. It's not 'giving up', it's re-prioritising.


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## Diana_Prince245 (Jun 5, 2011)

I don't know a heterosexual person who hasn't been hurt by a member of the opposite sex. It's not an excuse for spouting misogyny or misandry.


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## Pitch (Jun 5, 2011)

When you talk like that, it makes me glad you've accepted defeat. You have a horrible, infantile view of women and how to communicate with them.


Live long and prosper.


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## Chimpi (Jun 5, 2011)

D_A_Bunny said:


> Cars may not whine and cry but they don't thank you for helping with the garbage, tell you how handsome you look, ask how your day went, lay their hand on yours when you get some bad news, help you figure out your checkbook, put on something sexy and dance for you, go to the car show and be nice to your friends, help you pick out something decent to wear to the special family occasion, confirm that your "insert family member here" is the true a**hole and that you were the honorable one for not knocking them out, making you a pot of soup when you are sick, smooch with you on the couch, tell you "I love you", laugh at your stupid joke, put medicine on your wound, look at you in a way that lets you know that you are the most important person in the world.
> 
> I could go on, but really, I hope I made my point.
> 
> Nothing that is really good in life is easy. And honestly, it is worth it to find someone if that is what you want for yourself. Stop self sabotaging and negative talking and just be.



Oh holy wow that's exactly what came to my mind.
It's like... it's like your viewpoint is the car I have always dreamed of! :wubu::wubu:


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## Fox (Jun 6, 2011)

Dude, you have been very depressed lately, and this is not a good thing. I think the worst thing about it is that you came here and tried to share your despair with us. For one thing, it's not really ok on Dims for a guy to vent or show weakness. It's moreso ok for a woman to do that on this site, but, lets face it. You're a guy. So, you need to figure out something else.

If you feel that the strength within you to make things happen is gone, then you should probably seek help from another human being. Perhaps a psychologist. Or you look for friends. People to talk to who can help you out of your depression.  You're not alone. It's not bad to cry. It's not bad to come to people for emotional help and guidance and even some TLC. Just don't ever do it on the internet. It will usually always come back to bite you.


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## superodalisque (Jun 6, 2011)

Pitch said:


> When you talk like that, it makes me glad you've accepted defeat. You have a horrible, infantile view of women and how to communicate with them.
> 
> 
> Live long and prosper.



this is the reason why i someone can have those experiences. unfortunately its easy to continue down this road because in some people's minds absolutely nothing is ever their own fault, even if they've been complaining about the lack of compliance among women here for years.


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## superodalisque (Jun 6, 2011)

pickleman357 said:


> There's a difference between a kick in the pants and pulling the dagger out.
> 
> From his post alone, I can reasonably conclude;
> 
> ...




what if its the shame shit on the same plate all of the many years they've been here?


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## LalaCity (Jun 6, 2011)

kioewen said:


> Thus, some people feel entitled to kick him when he's down?
> 
> That doesn't seem very charitable. In fact, it seems unkind.



So if someone struggling with her own self-esteem issues is hurt by his sexist remarks _that_ doesn't qualify as being kicked while down?

That's a nice double standard there.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 6, 2011)

luscious_lulu said:


> None of this excuses his comments about women.


 
Are you talking about this?



svenmad2164 said:


> and yes sometimes, I prefer a car than a girlfriend yes they both a pain in ass. but the car i can fix,it don't talk back it don't whine, it don't cry when it needs attention and other things. So i accepted that i don't go out,i don't date. i don't need false people who think their stuff don't stink.


 
If he's on the verge of breaking up with a woman, or has had bad luck in finding a woman that isn't whining about everything, or bitching back about everything, or being an emotional wreck (which is something he needs to avoid right now) then yes, he's going to be upset about it and he's come here looking for support and this is the responce he gets?

How supportive.... 

Look, some women are a pain in the ass and some guys are complete assholes. This is the truth. He has as much right to come on here and complain about the women that he's met, just as much as any woman here has the right to complain about the men in her life. To say otherwise is completely sexist!

He's a hurting human being who needs compasion, support and guidance right now, no matter his flaws or anything he's done. I weep for anyone who seems him otherwise.


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## LalaCity (Jun 6, 2011)

^^Oh, well, isn't that a pity. Maybe I'm depressed, too. Why should I have suck up the sexist remarks that make me feel worse about _myself_? Where is your compassion for the other people who frequent this board?

The OP made two previous threads about needing support. He got a lot of lovely, helpful replies and nobody gave him a hard time until he spewed a bunch of stupid sexist crap.

Why should I have boundless compassion when I feel totally disrespected? Why should anyone who feels insulted whenever this kind of demeaning language is trotted out?


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## Fox (Jun 6, 2011)

LalaCity said:


> Why should I have boundless compassion when I feel totally disrespected?



Because it works. It always works. When I use compassion towards others, I never regret it. Even if the person treats me like total crap, I still feel really good for showing compassion.

This has actually happened here. When I came to Dims after a few months break from it, I saw there were a select number of BBW saying that being FA is about nothing more than physical attraction. I got a tad offended and tried to argue, saying they are capable of more feelings than that, and somehow, that led to me being accused of being one of those FAs who treats women like objects and doesn't care about who they are and naturally, that ticked me off even more. Because I've never been accused of objectifying women before going onto Dims. I was So I kept trying to argue until everything I said was taken as an insult to a woman's worth as a person. At that point, I realized there isn't too much of a point to taking this any further than it already was, so I spent my next contribution to the thread talking about how I do not think women are objects, what I actually meant by any of the points I was trying to make, the fact that I believe women and men are equal and should be treated equally, and apologized for whatever I said that was found offensive. Lo and behold, it worked. No one really apologized back to me, but I take the fact that no one continued to argue with me as one of the best apologies I'll ever receive from this site, and I'm happy about it. 

All I'm saying is that a little bit of compassion goes a long long way. And if you still feel that doing so is giving up your personal power as a woman, try to think of it is going above him rather than stooping down to his level.

And in all fairness, you can tell he didn't mean what he said. If he really viewed women as objects and didn't care about what they said or thought as people, then the things that the women in his life said and did to him would not have hurt him this badly.

I do agree with you, however, that he's been posting a bit much on this forum, and that it is pretty annoying, but if you feel we can't completely help the guy, we could at least get him turned to the right direction. I mean, where else is he going to go? If he seeks help from people elsewhere, he's most likely going to get something like this: "Your problem is that you choose to go out with fat women because you don't have the self-esteem to go for thin and sexy women." which in turn will make him feel even worse. As a FA and as a person.

People of Dims should expect sad, hurt men and women to wash up on our shore and want some TLC. The world is not often very kind to FAs or BBW/BHM and some people just need some help and support that they can't get elsewhere. I think it's important that people of Dims should focus on making this site into more of a community. After all, we are an online COMMUNITY, right?


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## Saoirse (Jun 6, 2011)

So there's more to being an Fat Admirer than admiring fat?


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## Fox (Jun 6, 2011)

D_A_Bunny said:


> Cars may not whine and cry but they don't thank you for helping with the garbage, tell you how handsome you look, ask how your day went, lay their hand on yours when you get some bad news, help you figure out your checkbook, put on something sexy and dance for you, go to the car show and be nice to your friends, help you pick out something decent to wear to the special family occasion, confirm that your "insert family member here" is the true a**hole and that you were the honorable one for not knocking them out, making you a pot of soup when you are sick, smooch with you on the couch, tell you "I love you", laugh at your stupid joke, put medicine on your wound, look at you in a way that lets you know that you are the most important person in the world.



I also want to take the time to say that this is a truly wonderful post. I honestly got a just a little choked up from reading it. I think that everyone should have this kind of relationship. I say you shouldn't give up on your dream, Sven. Try your best to hang in there and be positive. Because once you find the right woman for you, you wouldn't rather have a car. 

Which brings me to a little argument I have on this subject. You really mean to say you would wish women were more like cars so they don't WHINE and COMPLAIN at you??! Have you ever even owned a car?
It seems to me that cars usually give people about as much trouble as other people do (if not more). I mean, with a car, if it's not something, it's always something else. If the brakes work, the muffler falls off. If you get the battery charged and finally get it running again, you hit a speed bump and all the windows just fall into the doors. And cars do whine constantly. BEEP BEEP BEEP BUCKLE YOUR SEAT BELT BUCKLE YOU SEAT BELT BUCKLE YOUR SEAT BELT! CHANGE MY OIL, FILL MY GAS TANK, REFILL MY COOLANT BEEP BEEP BEEP YOU STILL HAVEN'T BUCKLED YOU SEAT BELT SO NOW I'M GOING TO START BEEPING FASTER! lol

Seriously Svenmad, there are many wonderful things about women. One being they won't break down at work and end up stuck in the parking lot for a whole week. XD


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## Fox (Jun 6, 2011)

Saoirse said:


> So there's more to being an Fat Admirer than admiring fat?



Well... I'm a fat admirer and I know I can admire more than just fat.


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## Saoirse (Jun 6, 2011)

Fox said:


> Well... I'm a fat admirer and I know I can admire more than just fat.



then doesnt that just make you a straight man?


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## Fox (Jun 6, 2011)

Saoirse said:


> then doesnt that just make you a straight man?



Now you're getting it!


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## mossystate (Jun 6, 2011)

Fox said:


> > When I use compassion towards others, I never regret it. Even if the person treats me like total crap, I still feel really good for showing compassion.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## superodalisque (Jun 6, 2011)

all i can say to the defending FAs in this thread is that ignorance must be bliss. a lot of women here are too nice to say it but here i go. some guys have been here for years with the same old sob story. some have a lot of problems mostly self inflicted. sometimes other guys only get their warped half of the story since those types of guys are not trying to date FAs or showing that side of themselves to their fellow admirers. if i were you i wouldn't associate myself with such. empathy among FAs is a nice supportive thing but sometimes you need to be more cognizant about exactly who you are empathizing with. some opinions here are not really opinions but knowledge. the things already known about them can rub off on you. we aren't allowed to talk specifics here. but suffice it to say if you were a BBW you'd be agreeing with us whole heartedly. i can bet you most of the women here have either had a bad experience or knows someone who has.


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## superodalisque (Jun 6, 2011)

kioewen said:


> Thus, some people feel entitled to kick him when he's down?
> 
> That doesn't seem very charitable. In fact, it seems unkind.



i can be very charitable, sometimes overly so. its not good though to be downright naive. when a man tells you something you should listen. if as a woman you are told that you have no right to complain or even to miss the guy and you should just stand there and be administered to like some kind of machine... what more does the guy have to say to reveal himself to you?


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## luscious_lulu (Jun 6, 2011)

Sharing despair is one thing, but there is no need to demean women In the process. 



Fox said:


> Dude, you have been very depressed lately, and this is
> a good thing. I think the worst thing about it is that you came here and tried to share your despair with us. For one thing, it's not really ok on Dims for a guy to vent or show weakness. It's moreso ok for a woman to do that on this site, but, lets face it. You're a guy. So, you need to figure out something else.
> 
> If you feel that the strength within you to make things happen is gone, then you should probably seek help from another human being. Perhaps a psychologist. Or you look for friends. People to talk to who can help you out of your depression.  You're not alone. It's not bad to cry. It's not bad to come to people for emotional help and guidance and even some TLC. Just don't ever do it on the internet. It will usually always come back to bite you.


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## luscious_lulu (Jun 6, 2011)

pickleman357 said:


> Are you talking about this?
> .



I'm not sure what "this" is. What I am referring to is his asanine comments about women.

If he had taken a completely different approach and just said he was hurting because a woman hurt him, fine. But he had to go and make sexist comments. 
I am not going to shut up and let that shit slide. Not now & not ever.


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## Fox (Jun 6, 2011)

mossystate said:


> Fox said:
> 
> 
> > I think my favorite bit of that showing compassion from you came when you went to the bbw forum to wax poetic and loving about how so many fat women are " broken records ". * wipes away the tear *
> ...


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## TraciJo67 (Jun 6, 2011)

pickleman357 said:


> He's a hurting human being who needs compasion, support and guidance right now, no matter his flaws or anything he's done. I weep for anyone who seems him otherwise.


 
His post has red flags waving all over the place; in fact, they aren't waving so much as they are frantically snapping, rolling, and screeching for notice. If YOU cannot see THAT, I ... well, I wouldn't weep for you (as I couldn't muster that much emotional investment in a complete stranger) ... but I could probably squeeze out an exasperated sigh. Maybe two.

Electronic coddling is NOT what he needs. 

And asking the target group that's just had a big e-dump taken all over them to be "understanding" is in itself another rollicking red flag.


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## CastingPearls (Jun 6, 2011)

superodalisque said:


> all i can say to the defending FAs in this thread is that ignorance must be bliss. a lot of women here are too nice to say it but here i go. some guys have been here for years with the same old sob story. some have a lot of problems mostly self inflicted. sometimes other guys only get their warped half of the story since those types of guys are not trying to date FAs or showing that side of themselves to their fellow admirers. if i were you i wouldn't associate myself with such. empathy among FAs is a nice supportive thing but sometimes you need to be more cognizant about exactly who you are empathizing with. some opinions here are not really opinions but knowledge. the things already known about them can rub off on you. we aren't allowed to talk specifics here. but suffice it to say if you were a BBW you'd be agreeing with us whole heartedly. i can bet you most of the women here have either had a bad experience or knows someone who has.



I'm not too nice to say it. 

I've been here for over a year now and have talked at length with scores of guys who like fat chicks. Those guys range everywhere from professional athletes and those in various forms of entertainment and media to brilliant artists, doctors, engineers, accomplished musicians and captains of industry. Also the typical everyman just trying to make a buck and the open opportunist who has nothing to show for himself except for a 'way wid da laydeez'

Some of them are full of shit as to their accomplishments, but many have provided enough proof (YouTube videos of them performing on TV or in concert, for example) for me to know some of them are who they say they are. A very few of them are honest and real and stand the test of time. I can count them on one hand, two in particular I trust implicitly.

A few of those men never ever post here but are content to lurk and I capture their eye. A few of them strut like they own the place, and still manage to keep both a low-profile and collect us like pretty seashells pretending they care or would like to if only, if only, if only. 

As to our own behavior, in believing and trusting them, we have only ourselves to blame but many of us do not speak up especially when they say offhandedly that the one they used to talk to they could destroy with enough evidence he's collected against her.

He will paint the women he talks/talked to as unstable, stalkers, paranoid and misinterpreting his more than honorable intentions. And he will continue to behave this way and get away with it, because he only lets you (all of you) see the public face, the dims face, the face he has cultivated with much care and dedication for years, not unlike a role-playing game. 

The internet is a playground for manipulators (of both genders of course) so don't tell us women that we don't know what we're talking about. Be very careful when you threaten or smear us because you may have a lot more to lose than you think we do, and don't you ever try to censor us because we will eventually find a way to expose you. 

As for me, I know who my friends are, men and women, because some women will throw another under a bus for a kind word or attention from a man. But if I have learned anything from my own mistakes, it is to own up to MY OWN behavior and promise myself that I will not run down that path blindly again. To guard against my own vulnerability and call bullshit when I see it regardless of the consequences are lessons painfully learned, but not in vain.


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## LalaCity (Jun 6, 2011)

Fox said:


> Because it works. It always works. When I use compassion towards others, I never regret it. Even if the person treats me like total crap, I still feel really good for showing compassion.
> 
> This has actually happened here. When I came to Dims after a few months break from it, I saw there were a select number of BBW saying that being FA is about nothing more than physical attraction. I got a tad offended and tried to argue, saying they are capable of more feelings than that, and somehow, that led to me being accused of being one of those FAs who treats women like objects and doesn't care about who they are and naturally, that ticked me off even more. Because I've never been accused of objectifying women before going onto Dims. I was So I kept trying to argue until everything I said was taken as an insult to a woman's worth as a person. At that point, I realized there isn't too much of a point to taking this any further than it already was, so I spent my next contribution to the thread talking about how I do not think women are objects, what I actually meant by any of the points I was trying to make, the fact that I believe women and men are equal and should be treated equally, and apologized for whatever I said that was found offensive. Lo and behold, it worked. No one really apologized back to me, but I take the fact that no one continued to argue with me as one of the best apologies I'll ever receive from this site, and I'm happy about it.
> 
> ...



I do have compassion -- but I honestly get tired of feeling like I have to coddle men who make these clueless and not very evolved pronouncements about preferring the company of inanimate objects to "whining" women. This line has been used for so long to demean woman -- I'm done excusing it. Why should I?


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## mossystate (Jun 6, 2011)

Fox said:


> I
> 
> 
> > do remember that. My point there was that I've seen some women on Dims who accuse certain guys of being sexually objective, and even after the guy tries to tell her he's not (though I suppose he could be lying), she still insists he is, and that is repeated a lot on this site. And that the pattern is a broken record, not the woman. I didn't mean to offend anyone by it. I'm very sorry that I hurt your feelings, Mossy.
> ...


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## Pitch (Jun 6, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> I'm not too nice to say it.
> 
> I've been here for over a year now and have talked at length with scores of guys who like fat chicks. Those guys range everywhere from professional athletes and those in various forms of entertainment and media to brilliant artists, doctors, engineers, accomplished musicians and captains of industry. Also the typical everyman just trying to make a buck and the open opportunist who has nothing to show for himself except for a 'way wid da laydeez'
> 
> ...



Can you hear me clapping through the internet? Because I am.


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## superodalisque (Jun 6, 2011)

Pitch said:


> Can you hear me clapping through the internet? Because I am.



i just got a "you must spread your rep around " again notice

she has me clapping too. thats why i love her.


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## littlefairywren (Jun 7, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> I'm not too nice to say it.
> 
> I've been here for over a year now and have talked at length with scores of guys who like fat chicks. Those guys range everywhere from professional athletes and those in various forms of entertainment and media to brilliant artists, doctors, engineers, accomplished musicians and captains of industry. Also the typical everyman just trying to make a buck and the open opportunist who has nothing to show for himself except for a 'way wid da laydeez'
> 
> ...



I can't rep you right now, Lainey, and this post is most definitely worthy. This is one of the reasons you are so dear to me.


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## Jes (Jun 7, 2011)

You admit fully that you're very introverted, you don't talk to women, you don't go out and you don't date. But somehow, this is a woman's fault? And other men are the 'lucky' ones? Maybe they just work for it a little bit, like the rest of us who want to find someone do, eh?

Look, Sven, I don't think anyone wants you to be miserable, but to be happy, you need to take some real responsibility for your own happiness. If you want a well-adjusted partner, then you need to be a well-adjusted partner, and you can't do that by sitting at home and complaining (using very unflattering comparisons, I might add). 

Women aren't social workers--they need you to bring something to the table, too. And only you can do that, so either decide if you're giving up or not, but please don't blame your decision on other people. 

View attachment dysfunctiondemotivationalposter.jpg


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## Fox (Jun 7, 2011)

Jes said:


> You admit fully that you're very introverted, you don't talk to women, you don't go out and you don't date. But somehow, this is a woman's fault? And other men are the 'lucky' ones? Maybe they just work for it a little bit, like the rest of us who want to find someone do, eh?
> 
> Look, Sven, I don't think anyone wants you to be miserable, but to be happy, you need to take some real responsibility for your own happiness. If you want a well-adjusted partner, then you need to be a well-adjusted partner, and you can't do that by sitting at home and complaining (using very unflattering comparisons, I might add).
> 
> Women aren't social workers--they need you to bring something to the table, too. And only you can do that, so either decide if you're giving up or not, but please don't blame your decision on other people.



This is true. You do deserve to be happy, but staying inside and growing cold is not the way to go about it. Women do need a strong-minded man, and you're never gonna be able to love somebody if you can't love yourself first. You can't really respect anybody if you don't respect yourself. Just chillax, bro. You gotta lot of time to find the right person. I think you should just take time to find yourself first. Learn from what you've gone through in life and move on. You cannot change the past so you should work on changing the future instead.

And yeah, I really didn't address this at first, because I didn't think that's what you needed right away, but don't compare women (or any people for that matter) to objects. I know you're upset, and I've had a number of female friends who who have done the same thing with men, and while I try to show them I care, like I did with you, and while they usually don't mean it cause they are upset, it should not be a thought you carry with you for the remainder of your life.

As I said before, if you keep your chin up, one of these days you'll meet a lady who's gonna make you say "Screw cars!". You just need to be patient, and confident.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 7, 2011)

LalaCity said:


> ^^Oh, well, isn't that a pity. Maybe I'm depressed, too. Why should I have suck up the sexist remarks that make me feel worse about _myself_? Where is your compassion for the other people who frequent this board?
> 
> The OP made two previous threads about needing support. He got a lot of lovely, helpful replies and nobody gave him a hard time until he spewed a bunch of stupid sexist crap.
> 
> Why should I have boundless compassion when I feel totally disrespected? Why should anyone who feels insulted whenever this kind of demeaning language is trotted out?


 
Is he talking about you specifically?
Are all women perfect?
Do you think he was born thinking that women are a pain?

No. Its obviously only been the women that he has actually met that has led him to this point.

All I'm saying is that I don't see how slapping him across the face is going to help him realize that there are good women out there.




luscious_lulu said:


> I'm not sure what "this" is. What I am referring to is his asanine comments about women.
> 
> If he had taken a completely different approach and just said he was hurting because a woman hurt him, fine. But he had to go and make sexist comments.
> I am not going to shut up and let that shit slide. Not now & not ever.


 
So... does that mean that next time a woman comes on here and complains how all men are pigs, I get to tell her that she's a sexist bitch and to STFU?

Just clairifying



TraciJo67 said:


> His post has red flags waving all over the place; in fact, they aren't waving so much as they are frantically snapping, rolling, and screeching for notice. If YOU cannot see THAT, I ... well, I wouldn't weep for you (as I couldn't muster that much emotional investment in a complete stranger) ... but I could probably squeeze out an exasperated sigh. Maybe two.
> 
> Electronic coddling is NOT what he needs.
> 
> And asking the target group that's just had a big e-dump taken all over them to be "understanding" is in itself another rollicking red flag.


 
Question; would you be able to write a politcally correct, shakespearian poem after accepting the fact that you'll never get to see your kids again?

What do you think his mental state was when he wrote that? I don't think it was calm and happy. It was probably really angry, and therefore became an angry post. And I rather have depressed people come on here and say stupid, offencive things and ask for help, then say.. become and alchoholic and go driving... or.... kill a bunch of people with a gun. As stupid and painful as his post was, he could be doing much worse things.




Jes said:


> You admit fully that you're very introverted, you don't talk to women, you don't go out and you don't date. But somehow, this is a woman's fault? And other men are the 'lucky' ones? Maybe they just work for it a little bit, like the rest of us who want to find someone do, eh?
> 
> Look, Sven, I don't think anyone wants you to be miserable, but to be happy, you need to take some real responsibility for your own happiness. If you want a well-adjusted partner, then you need to be a well-adjusted partner, and you can't do that by sitting at home and complaining (using very unflattering comparisons, I might add).
> 
> Women aren't social workers--they need you to bring something to the table, too. And only you can do that, so either decide if you're giving up or not, but please don't blame your decision on other people.


 
That's basically what I said too, but you worded it much better! 

Sort out your life Sven! I'll be here to help ya if you need it.


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## bigmac (Jun 7, 2011)

Jes said:


> ...
> 
> Women aren't social workers--*they need you to bring something to the table*, too. And only you can do that, so either decide if you're giving up or not, but please don't blame your decision on other people.




Yes!!! Just remember that this works both ways.


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## Jes (Jun 8, 2011)

bigmac said:


> Yes!!! Just remember that this works both ways.



Well, the proof that I remembered this is that I included the word 'too' in my original sentence. I don't know why you didn't see fit to bold that but your not bolding it doesn't mean I didn't type it!


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## superodalisque (Jun 8, 2011)

LalaCity said:


> I do have compassion -- but I honestly get tired of feeling like I have to coddle men who make these clueless and not very evolved pronouncements about preferring the company of inanimate objects to "whining" women. This line has been used for so long to demean woman -- I'm done excusing it. Why should I?



me too. after someone has been told the same thing a billion times and they keep repeating the same old mistakes i won't waste my sensitivity anymore.


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## pickleman357 (Jun 8, 2011)

LalaCity said:


> _I do have compassion -- but I honestly get tired of feeling like I have to coddle men who make these clueless and not very evolved pronouncements about preferring the company of inanimate objects to "whining" women. This line has been used for so long to demean woman -- I'm done excusing it. Why should I?_





superodalisque said:


> me too. after someone has been told the same thing a billion times and they keep repeating the same old mistakes i won't waste my sensitivity anymore.


 
Well maybe its true then?

I'm not trying to down play your frustrations *at all*, but men and women are quite different.

Guys can recharge better when doing something with an inanimate object like a car, video game, or even chair looking out the window. Just focusing on that for a time will help them over all.

Denying them that will only frustrate them and drain them out even further. Leading to a lack of concentration and enthusiasm in life.

But if he gets that relaxation time and he's still doing to same old same old, then yeah, boot his ass to the curb.


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## luvbigfellas (Jun 8, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> I'm not too nice to say it.
> 
> I've been here for over a year now and have talked at length with scores of guys who like fat chicks. Those guys range everywhere from professional athletes and those in various forms of entertainment and media to brilliant artists, doctors, engineers, accomplished musicians and captains of industry. Also the typical everyman just trying to make a buck and the open opportunist who has nothing to show for himself except for a 'way wid da laydeez'
> 
> ...



And this is why we adore you, Lainey. :bow:


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## HeavyDuty24 (Jun 8, 2011)

svenmad2164 said:


> Today
> I have learned to accept things and I cannot change people but i can change myself, today and yesterday i got really hurt by two people who i thought where my friends but they where not,so i don't want nothing do with them and i accepted it,also i accepted that other FAs have all the luck, and I don't, people say i am sexy and handsome but to be honest i am dreadfully shy of women,sex and the bbw dances. i am not trying to be down its just a fact of life for me. i found more fun to be alone than to be around people sometimes, and yes sometimes, I prefer a car than a girlfriend yes they both a pain in ass. but the car i can fix,it don't talk back it don't whine, it don't cry when it needs attention and other things. So i accepted that i don't go out,i don't date. i don't need false people who think their stuff don't stink. i have accepted that i cannot see my kids at all and i am a loner who don't talk much and very quiet and shy and i have accepted that



i learned i couldn't change people a long time ago.you can't change people,either adapt to them or you can just move on.but you can however change yourself true.but if people don't want to change there not,trying to change someone is a waste of time really.there going to be who they want to be in the end.only time a person will change is if they want to and or are ready to.


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## Jes (Jun 9, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> The internet is a playground for manipulators (of both genders of course) so don't tell us women that we don't know what we're talking about. Be very careful when you threaten or smear us because you may have a lot more to lose than you think we do, and don't you ever try to censor us because we will eventually find a way to expose you.



If only we had a place where we could share notes about our experiences and warn other women about the bad apples...

oh. right.


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## CastingPearls (Jun 9, 2011)

Jes said:


> If only we had a place where we could share notes about our experiences and warn other women about the bad apples...
> 
> oh. right.


If you think about it, some bad apples are women and that kind of uh hypothetical place would never be safe from one sharing their experiences because of all those rotting apples and the friends of those rotting apples who use no discernment or wisdom when adding them. 

Yeah.


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## D_A_Bunny (Jun 9, 2011)

Jes said:


> If only we had a place where we could share notes about our experiences and warn other women about the bad apples...
> 
> oh. right.





CastingPearls said:


> If you think about it, some bad apples are women and that kind of uh hypothetical place would never be safe from one sharing their experiences because of all those rotting apples and the friends of those rotting apples who use no discernment or wisdom when adding them.
> 
> Yeah.



Just thought this was worth repeating. Yes, yes and yes again. The above is definitely worth repeating.


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## penguin (Jun 9, 2011)

Jes said:


> If only we had a place where we could share notes about our experiences and warn other women about the bad apples...
> 
> oh. right.


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## littlefairywren (Jun 10, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> If you think about it, some bad apples are women and that kind of uh hypothetical place would never be safe from one sharing their experiences because of all those rotting apples and the friends of those rotting apples who use no discernment or wisdom when adding them.
> 
> Yeah.



Rep, rep, reppety rep....when it finally lets me have at you again.


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## Jes (Jun 10, 2011)

littlefairywren said:


> Rep, rep, reppety rep....when it finally lets me have at you again.



i get no rep for the excellent work i've done in this thread?

you know what? I.... I'm ... ok, nothing. I've got nothing.


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## CastingPearls (Jun 10, 2011)

Jes said:


> i get no rep for the excellent work i've done in this thread?
> 
> you know what? I.... I'm ... ok, nothing. I've got nothing.


Actually, I've been attempting to rep you for three days. Sometimes the rep gods are fickle.


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## snuggletiger (Jun 10, 2011)

Ice Cream for the Kiddies, and Scotch on the Rocks for the adults. Carry on & Tally Ho!! *cue in snarky Jack Bennyesque cheers gesture with tumbler*


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## daddyoh70 (Jun 11, 2011)

pickleman357 said:


> Do you think he was born thinking that women are a pain?



Born, probably not. But I know a lot of "men" who were raised that way.



pickleman357 said:


> No. Its obviously only been the women that he has actually met that has led him to this point.



Of course it's the women... Like I've told a friend who has been through "one bad relationship after another" maybe, just maybe it's not THEM. (Refer to JES' demotivational poster a few posts back)



pickleman357 said:


> Question; would you be able to write a politcally correct, shakespearian poem after accepting the fact that you'll never get to see your kids again?



He only stated that he accepted that he cannot see his kids again. He never clarified why. Not that it's any of mine/our business, but he threw it out there. Is it by choice, or some other reason?


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