# Advice Needed!! / Sorry Long / GEF?



## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 22, 2009)

OK, I'm not sure if this should be on the BBW board or the Fat Sexuality one, BUT _I'm really wanting the advice of the women.
_
OK, here's the scoop. I met this guy on-line last spring, but because of him having some major life issues (suddenly becoming extremely ill, then that causing a major backup with his business, then a family member dying, then more backup in his business) and medical stuff going on with me, we never met up in person. We chatted *a lot* for many months and got along very well. He seems to be a very nice guy, upfront, and doesn't seem to play games.

We lost touch because of how busy he was trying to get his clients happy again, his email went down so he lost my email address and he tried various ways to contact me, but never could until just happenstance recently.

Here's the deal..........he has some MAJOR fetishes (let me put it this way.....if you can think of a fetish, he has it lol). Please don't think I'm being all judgemental about people with big time fetishes, but some of them I'm no longer comfortable considering. In the beginning, when we first chatted, I was unsure, but as I got to know him, I started becoming a bit more comfortable with it. Now, after time passing and more thought, I don't want to and I don't think I'd change my mind. 

I don't know exactly how to *nicely* put that I'm no longer comfortable with some of his fetishes. He really seems like a nice guy, really is a FA and knows all the tricks and techniques to use when having sex with a SSBBW. :bow: If I didn't like him, I wouldn't be so unsure as how to put it to him.

GEF, this is for your eyes only.......he has a really big peen........now, lets see how long that takes to get deleted  PM me and I'll tell ya exactly how big. He's afraid of hurting me! 

So, advice??? Pleeeeeeeze!!!!


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## littlefairywren (Dec 22, 2009)

Devi, I met someone on line a while back too. Turns out he had one major fetish, but I kept an open mind about it (even though my ititial gut reaction was...OMG! I can't do that). As time progressed, he would whip out another fetish and each new one was a little odder (to me) than the last one. But it was the very last one he surprised me with, that really made me take a step back. It was pretty hard core.

He seemed to be a really nice guy, and I did heaps of research to "prepare" myself. All the while in the back of my head, I had questions about my ability to handle it.

Anyway, to cut a long story short...I decided to cool things for a while to really have a think about what I might be getting myself into. I am glad I did. It was really hard to call our little friendship off, but the idea of getting emotionally involved with him and then feeling like I was stuck in a situation that I had no control over scared me more than hurting his feelings.

The thing is, he and his fetishes went hand in hand. I loved that he was a nice guy, but could not live with his other side.

If you are questioning how you feel about his fetishes, then I say go with your gut on this. Follow your woman's intuition or whatever you want to call it, but if you want to progress with this man than you would need to tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. After all, I think part of being in a relationship is meeting our partners needs....if you can't then maybe this is not for you.

Good luck hon, I know you will make the right decison for YOU.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 22, 2009)

littlefairywren said:


> Devi, I met someone on line a while back too. Turns out he had one major fetish, but I kept an open mind about it (even though my ititial gut reaction was...OMG! I can't do that). As time progressed, he would whip out another fetish and each new one was a little odder (to me) than the last one. But it was the very last one he surprised me with, that really made me take a step back. It was pretty hard core.
> 
> He seemed to be a really nice guy, and I did heaps of research to "prepare" myself. All the while in the back of my head, I had questions about my ability to handle it.
> 
> ...



From what I understand, I know all of his fetishes. He's quite open about them and I asked him straight out what he was into just to see how much he was into. 

Without getting into it in depth since I'm certain the post would be deleted by a mod lol, he's pretty hard core about some stuff. I made him do a list, and I said yes, no, yes, no, no, NO! lol I told him straight out that one particular thing would freak me out because I don't like being.....well..there's no way to put it. lol He was fine with that, but said it he was more than fine with me doing the particular thing to him (which I was fine with). 

I plan on telling him what would be ok, what wouldn't, and that I simply changed my mind over time. I guess I'll sorta let it be on him to decide whether or not to precede after I tell him what I am ok with and what I'm not ok with since he'd be the one that might not be getting all his needs met by me.

Ugh!!! The thing is that we've both thought about each other often during the time apart. I think that's what makes it even harder.....that we're already kinda emotionally involved in a way.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 22, 2009)

No need to reply to my question. I've already sent the email off to him.


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## steely (Dec 22, 2009)

Now I'm curious, what did you decide?


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## mergirl (Dec 22, 2009)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> Without getting into it in depth since I'm certain the post would be deleted by a mod lol, he's pretty hard core about some stuff. I made him do a list, and I said yes, no, yes, no, no, NO! lol I told him straight out that one particular thing would freak me out because I don't like being.....well..there's no way to put it. lol He was fine with that, but said it he was more than fine with me doing the particular thing to him (which I was fine with).
> 
> .



I am SOOO curious now!!! Pm me!!! I am open minded.. i used to be a 'phone actress' you know!! 

What did you say no to?
I would totally say no to poo :eat1: .. did you?


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## mergirl (Dec 22, 2009)

steely said:


> Now I'm curious, what did you decide?


I'm more curious about all the stuff he is into!!


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## steely (Dec 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I am SOOO curious now!!! Pm me!!! I am open minded.. i used to be a 'phone actress' you know!!
> 
> What did you say no to?
> I would totally say no to poo :eat1: .. did you?



Girl, you are not right!!! LOL


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## mergirl (Dec 22, 2009)

steely said:


> Girl, you are not right!!! LOL


I KNOW! *For shame*


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## Jes (Dec 22, 2009)

I'm still trying to figure if you guys have actually met one another. I couldn't tell from the message--one can always send a photo of a big peen. And, if you're a woman, and on the internet, you've probably been sent dozens of peen pix. Such is a woman's lot.

Anyway, I know the thread is done, but I like to hear myself talk. I have some opinions about sex talk before meeting and all of that, but I shall reserve them 'til solicited.


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## Tau (Dec 22, 2009)

COOOOMMMMMEE OOOOON! Share - please!?


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## mergirl (Dec 22, 2009)

Tau said:


> COOOOMMMMMEE OOOOON! Share - please!?


YES! WE DEMAND YOU DISH THE DIRT!!


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## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 22, 2009)

steely said:


> Now I'm curious, what did you decide?



I told him non-judgmentally that I won't do __________. That I understand why he likes it (he told me why, and I get it), but it's not right for me. If he's fine not doing ____________, then we're fine, but it's his decision since he'd be giving something up and I would wish him no ill will for having to walk away.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 22, 2009)

mergirl said:


> I am SOOO curious now!!! Pm me!!! I am open minded.. i used to be a 'phone actress' you know!!
> 
> What did you say no to?
> I would totally say no to poo :eat1: .. did you?



I'll PM you later Mertastic


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## mergirl (Dec 22, 2009)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> I'll PM you later Mertastic


Whoot! canny wait!


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## steely (Dec 22, 2009)

Jes said:


> I'm still trying to figure if you guys have actually met one another. I couldn't tell from the message--one can always send a photo of a big peen. And, if you're a woman, and on the internet, you've probably been sent dozens of peen pix. Such is a woman's lot.
> 
> Anyway, I know the thread is done, but I like to hear myself talk. I have some opinions about sex talk before meeting and all of that, but I shall reserve them 'til solicited.



I am so sheltered, I have never received a photo of a big peen. :doh: To think some people have received dozens. LOL

I hope things work out for you well, MizzSnakeBite.


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## TallFatSue (Dec 22, 2009)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> I told him non-judgmentally that I won't do __________. That I understand why he likes it (he told me why, and I get it), but it's not right for me. If he's fine not doing ____________, then we're fine, but it's his decision since he'd be giving something up and I would wish him no ill will for having to walk away.


It was a hard decision but this sounds very reasonable.


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## TraciJo67 (Dec 22, 2009)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> I don't know exactly how to *nicely* put that I'm no longer comfortable with some of his fetishes. He really seems like a nice guy, really is a FA and knows all the tricks and techniques to use when having sex with a SSBBW. :bow: If I didn't like him, I wouldn't be so unsure as how to put it to him.
> 
> So, advice??? Pleeeeeeeze!!!!



I deleted the peen bit, after snickering at its placement 

I think that women, far more than men (in a generalizing kinda way) tend to agonize about how to frame any kind of rejection in a way that doesn't hurt the rejectee's feelings. That's a wonderful trait to have, most of the time. It gets in the way sometimes when it runs counter to what you really want/don't want and you're afraid to acknowledge that. And sometimes, what the recipient hears isn't what we want him to -- we are thinking 'no' and he's hearing 'well ... maybe.' I don't think that there's a way for you to soft-pedal this one. I think you have to tell him in no uncertain terms what you will/won't accept, and unapologetically, and assertively. 

And then there is a secondary issue - probably the more important question to ask yourself: Do you want to continue pursuing any kind of relationship with this man, considering that he has been completely honest with you, and you are not comfortable with some aspects of his sexuality? I'm assuming that what makes you uncomfortable are fetishes, not preferences, and what is hard-wired into him is not likely to ever change. If he wants A, B, C and D ... but you can only provide A, sometimes B (but with conditions) and flatly won't ever do C or D ... do you think that any kind of relationship with him is possible? Aside, that is, from the occasional roll in the hay, if that floats your .. uh, boat  

So yeah. If this were my ... uh, problem ... I'd tell HLAH (figure it out ) something like this: "That thing about X and Y? Not going to happen. Never going to happen. I'll gladly give you Z if you'll provide the A, B and C. But I'm just not comfortable with X and Y, and you need to know upfront that I'm *never* going to be comfortable with X and Y. Where do you see things going from here? I'm thinking this <insert nice speech about fuck buddy here ... or wherever *you* see the relationship heading>".


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## mergirl (Dec 22, 2009)

You give Z?? You dirty bitch!!


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## cinnamitch (Dec 22, 2009)

If i had one i'd send it to you..




steely said:


> I am so sheltered, I have never received a photo of a big peen. :doh: To think some people have received dozens. LOL
> 
> I hope things work out for you well, MizzSnakeBite.


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## mossystate (Dec 22, 2009)

MSB...I smelled a lil something when I was reading you original post. Might be totallllllly not reality, but I thought I would put it out here.

I know that lots of things can come down on the head of another person...hard and fast ( trust me, I know this ). I am just wondering if all the bad luck he suffered was actually true, or if he was wanting to distance himself from you a bit, and used everything but ' the dog ate my homework '. I am wondering if he was doing so much testing of the waters, that he moved on for a time, thinking you two would never mesh...or even that he had/has no true intention of meeting you. I just know there are lots of men online who do this kind of thing. It's a medium where people can have these little fantasy situations ( not always sexual ). 

If he dove into the fetish/sexual talk right away, and that is not your thing to do ( maybe it is, and then that is fine and dandy for all involved ), then I know I would personally wonder if the niceness was, in part, a way to bide his time until he could warm you up to whatever. This makes more sense in my head!

Is he fairly local? If you just wanna hump him...go for it ( and take lots of pics....ooops, this is not " who is on the dinner table "....but, it could be! )....but I do wonder about some stuff.


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## Tau (Dec 22, 2009)

steely said:


> I am so sheltered, I have never received a photo of a big peen. :doh: To think some people have received dozens. LOL
> 
> I hope things work out for you well, MizzSnakeBite.



LOL! You are clearly doing something right! I recently received a pic that struck me dumb - dumb i tell ya! And not in a good way *shudders*


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## steely (Dec 22, 2009)

cinnamitch said:


> If i had one i'd send it to you..



Awww, thanks!


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## steely (Dec 22, 2009)

Tau said:


> LOL! You are clearly doing something right! I recently received a pic that struck me dumb - dumb i tell ya! And not in a good way *shudders*



LOL! I guess I am the lucky one.


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## tattooU (Dec 23, 2009)

Steely, i've never recieved one either... and i definitely count myself lucky!!  i mean really, what good are they on the computer screen!? LOL


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 23, 2009)

Jes said:


> I have some opinions about sex talk before meeting and all of that, but I shall reserve them 'til solicited.



I also want to hear these opinions. This is something I'm still figuring out how to navigate in a way that actually works...


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## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 23, 2009)

OK, I'll try to answer as much in one post.....

Yes, he does live in my vicinity. I know that because he's mentioned suburbs between us and knows where I'll eventually be moving to and that it is closer to him (it's a very small town, and unless you live in the area you wouldn't have heard of it).

We didn't jump into sex talk immediately. He knows my priorities (the kids (parrots)) and remembered it when we got back in touch even though I didn't mention them.

I guess I should have called them kinks or something since he does get off without them.

No I won't say what they are .

I was firm, but didn't want to be rude, mean, etc about it all. He replied; he was disappointed, but was warm about it. I shared a reply from him to Kimberly, and she felt the same way.

He's going to make out a list of all his kinks and I'll go through it all to decide yes or no or if I want to place any limitations on a particular item.

We haven't met in person yet and I do believe him with all the problems he had last time (sick, etc). We shared at least 1000 e-s and I could tell when something happened. He would let me know what was going on. When he was sick, I could tell by the "tone" that he really was. I know people are different than they are behind a computer screen, but every e he sent was warm and caring. He'd have to be an incredibly good actor to pull that off for every e that was sent.

The first time we were going to met up *I* had to cancel because of a doctor's appointment that would literally take all day. He owns his own business, and his clients were in an uproar since he suddenly had to take off because of a death in the family (out of state in a rural area with no internet access and he had to stay for a week or so to help his mom get the house ready, set up funeral arrangements, and pack up a large, old house). Right after that, he became very ill and simply couldn't do his work.......he couldn't make it to the kitchen and he passed out in the bathroom.... Because of all of that being combined, his business was in shambles and he had to take the time to get everything running smoothly again. His business is very important to him and he told me in the beginning he's wanting to make it larger, so I knew in the first place that it was a main priority for him.

No, he didn't send me a pic of his peen.....he told me how large he was. Yes, he could be lying. If it isn't as large as he said it is, that's fine.

The reason I didn't mention all of this in the beginning is because 1) the Dims police on the BBW board. I knew I had to be very, very careful with how graphic I was and how I worded things or the post would have been deleted.
2) Privacy for both of us. 3) I just wanted to know the best way to word it without sounding like a bitch. One of Kimberly's thoughts really, really helped me with the wording. 4) I didn't want it to become this huge guessing game thing with everyone wanting to know everything. Some things are just plain private and I don't want everything going out to be read by millions.

I think that's it. Oh, and Traci Jo, thanks for all the comments  and I figured it out rofl.


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## littlefairywren (Dec 24, 2009)

Oh my sweet Mizz, thank you for that. I am glad I was able to help


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## olwen (Dec 24, 2009)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> OK, I'll try to answer as much in one post.....
> 
> Yes, he does live in my vicinity. I know that because he's mentioned suburbs between us and knows where I'll eventually be moving to and that it is closer to him (it's a very small town, and unless you live in the area you wouldn't have heard of it).
> 
> ...



Sigh, Look, there is nothing wrong with any of what you've written here because it isn't "locker room talk." To my mind locker room talk is tantamount to misandry, and there's none of that going on here, so this thread is fine as is so far.


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## Isa (Dec 24, 2009)

olwen said:


> Sigh, Look, there is nothing wrong with any of what you've written here because it isn't "locker room talk." To my mind locker room talk is tantamount to misandry, and there's none of that going on here, so this thread is fine as is so far.



MzzSB was correct in censoring herself and I do not blame her. The women are constantly being told what they can/cannot say while the guys are allowed to damn near run wild. It's unfair and everyone knows it.

All of the sighing in the world isn't going to change the truth.


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## olwen (Dec 24, 2009)

Isa said:


> MzzSB was correct in censoring herself and I do not blame her. The women are constantly being told what they can/cannot say while the guys are allowed to damn near run wild. It's unfair and everyone knows it.
> 
> All of the sighing in the world isn't going to change the truth.



I don't quite see it that way. But so as not to derail this thread and because it is a topic for another time, I'll leave it at that. If you or anyone else wants to have an honest to goodness discussion about it, then please feel free to start another thread.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 24, 2009)

Isa said:


> MzzSB was correct in censoring herself and I do not blame her. The women are constantly being told what they can/cannot say while the guys are allowed to damn near run wild. It's unfair and everyone knows it.
> 
> All of the sighing in the world isn't going to change the truth.



THANK YOU!!!!!!   

I feel often like I'm walking on eggshells because of having to be sooooo careful of what we say.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 24, 2009)

littlefairywren said:


> Oh my sweet Mizz, thank you for that. I am glad I was able to help



No, I'm glad YOU were able to help!!!! 



olwen said:


> Sigh, Look, there is nothing wrong with any of what you've written here because it isn't "locker room talk." To my mind locker room talk is tantamount to misandry, and there's none of that going on here, so this thread is fine as is so far.



olwen, right, there's nothing wrong with what I've written because I've censored myself. And with all respect (and I do respect and like you), we (the women of Dims) are constantly sighing since we read what's going on on the FA forum and then get threads closed because we talk about whether we prefer a large or small penis.


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## olwen (Dec 24, 2009)

MizzSnakeBite said:


> No, I'm glad YOU were able to help!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> olwen, right, there's nothing wrong with what I've written because I've censored myself. And with all respect (and I do respect and like you), we (the women of Dims) are constantly sighing since we read what's going on on the FA forum and then get threads closed because we talk about whether we prefer a large or small penis.



Even if you hadn't censored yourself, whatever graphic thing you'd want to say would have been relevant to the discussion and not just some graphic thing that's said for the sake of being graphic. In my mind that is the difference. 

As to your own situation, this topic makes perfect sense on this board since you are asking advice from women who might have been thru what you are going thru now. How we've all coped with fetishes being presented to us necessitates discussing sex. Nothing wrong with that, and again, it's perfectly fine to talk about sex on this board if it's relevant to bbw issues and it is done in a respectful manner. Are these not the high standards the women here desire?


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## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 24, 2009)

olwen said:


> . Are these not the high standards the women here desire?



Yes, but we would like those standards to be shared by the men.....and if they do not want to have high standards and be respectful of women, than they should be forced to be by more moderation (that's enforced). JMO.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 24, 2009)

The rules and moderation of the BBW board and FA board are not the same, nor were they ever intended to be. 

If you have any questions about the rules on the FA board there's a very well thought out post regarding it's purpose, rules, limits, and how it is not managed in conjunction with, or in the same respect as, this board. 

James (and the webmaster) are also available via PM if you'd like to discuss it with them directly.


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## Fascinita (Dec 25, 2009)

Without meaning to derail this thread further, MizzSnakeBite, I thought I might be allowed to comment on the recent developments in this thread. I apologize in advance for taking attention away from your initial concern, but it does seem like you're equally concerned about what you perceive as a lack of freedom of speech on the BBW Board? Either way, I thought it may add to or clarify the thinking on that issue. 

Though the proposal for the BBW Board was modeled on that submitted for the FA Board--I was one of about ten people involved in drafting and revising the proposal, and I shared writing and editing duties on it with another Dimensions member--BBW and FA concerns don't always overlap. At least where Dimensions is concerned, the division between genders seems deeply etched. I dunno about others, but I would argue that it was that gendered divide that moved a number of people to feel like we needed separate, protected spaces for gendered identity discussions. Some might even argue that the new forums, far from helping to close the divide by providing safe spaces for the separate genders to explore and build identities, has only etched the chasm in place ever deeper and only brought to light evidence of more of the root causes that prompted people to feel unsafe and unhappy to begin with--causes which remain unaddressed, if the persistent chasm is any evidence. I, myself, don't know the final word on any of this--maybe it's all for the best, in the end--but point out these issues in the hope of providing some grounding in historical context. Others may understand things differently, of course. 

None of this context gets to the core of the problem you posed: It still doesn't address the question of why women on this board are not free to talk about how large or small they like the penises of potential lovers--to use one very blunt example, though of course women want to talk about many other subjects important to them, without being censored. And women here seem to be interested in remaining very respectful, so something doesn't compute about why so many feel "watched like hawks" while it seems others enjoy much greater freedom outside this board. Olwen mentioned a high standard, and while high standards are desirable, double standards are not. 

Your question is, as I understand it, why aren't women who want to participate in the BBW Board free to speak explicitly--so long as they do it respectfully--about the keys to their sexual appetites or their fantasy lives. Nobody seems to want to hold other boards to that "high standard." Certainly, the visions for the FA and BBW boards were initially very similar. Why the boards should have diverged so much in mission, and especially diverged so radically in the freedoms of expression allowed in either, is not clear.

It's just one of those riddles of life, I suppose.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 25, 2009)

AnnMarie said:


> The rules and moderation of the BBW board and FA board are not the same, nor were they ever intended to be.
> 
> If you have any questions about the rules on the FA board there's a very well thought out post regarding it's purpose, rules, limits, and how it is not managed in conjunction with, or in the same respect as, this board.
> 
> James (and the webmaster) are also available via PM if you'd like to discuss it with them directly.



As I said, in my opinion (and many, many others. I can promise you that.) that there should be an equality of high standards _and_ respectfulness towards the opposite sex on both boards. Clearly this isn't what is wanted by the powers that be. 

Trying to bury this constant issue in PMs isn't going to help other members of the BBW Board that have a problem with it as I do.



Fascinita said:


> Without meaning to derail this thread further, MizzSnakeBite, I thought I might be allowed to comment on the recent developments in this thread. I apologize in advance for taking attention away from your initial concern, but it does seem like you're equally concerned about what you perceive as a lack of freedom of speech on the BBW Board? Either way, I thought it may add to or clarify the thinking on that issue.
> 
> Though the proposal for the BBW Board was modeled on that submitted for the FA Board--I was one of about ten people involved in drafting and revising the proposal, and I shared writing and editing duties on it with another Dimensions member--BBW and FA concerns don't always overlap. At least where Dimensions is concerned, the division between genders seems deeply etched. I dunno about others, but I would argue that it was that gendered divide that moved a number of people to feel like we needed separate, protected spaces for gendered identity discussions. Some might even argue that the new forums, far from helping to close the divide by providing safe spaces for the separate genders to explore and build identities, has only etched the chasm in place ever deeper and only brought to light evidence of more of the root causes that prompted people to feel unsafe and unhappy to begin with--causes which remain unaddressed, if the persistent chasm is any evidence. I, myself, don't know the final word on any of this--maybe it's all for the best, in the end--but point out these issues in the hope of providing some grounding in historical context. Others may understand things differently, of course.
> 
> ...



Yes, I'm equally troubled by both issues since having to censor ourselves or not bother even asking a question, because of fear of our thread/post being deleted, creates issues when we're wanting input or to discuss something of a sexual manner (or about men in general).

I wasn't a member (and I don't think I was lurking as a non-member) when there weren't two separate boards so I can't comment on how it was before there were separate boards, BUT I do notice a big chasm and I notice that longtime members are becoming more disgruntled by the lack of equality in moderation, lack of moderation (meaning the men get to say extremely rude things about women on their board without any action by mods AND the men come over here and make rude and condescending comments to women on the BBW Board with rarely any action by mods. It's usually just a member that put them in their place and reminds them of where they are.), and lack of respectfulness towards the women of Dims. That is a big issue. No, not all men are disrespectful towards the women..., but they are usually the happily married men (meaning they know how to treat a woman with respect) and/or they're older. The main posters are younger men though.

I know quite a few of us have asked for a protected forum (like the SS board) where we can speak about medical issues that men really don't need to be reading over (and having the big possibility of one coming on and making rude statements). Many would like to speak about gyn issues, but don't because of this. This is saddening. What's even more saddening is that several of us have requested this in the "suggestion box," and were told that they didn't see that happening.

Personally, I think the problem is how the men's board is managed. In the GLBTQ Board there is a feeling of all being welcome to post, even if you are straight. If it was just a matter of chasms between different sects, then I would think that there would be similar feelings between the FA board and the GLBTQ Board and the BBW Board and the GLBTQ Board. 

I'm confused about your meaning behind the third paragraph.....but that might just be lack of sleep . To use your example about the preference thread over small vs. large penises, in my recollection, there wasn't any talk about not liking the opposite sex because they had a ____ sized penis. In fact, many women said more things were important to them than penis size.....kindness, intelligence, etc. I completely agree.....high standards are desirable, and double standards are not. And I'm seeing a lot of double standards running amok.

I think many of use would like the riddle of why the boards have diverged so much in mission and why so radically in freedoms of expression solved. At least the women would like it solved.


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## MisticalMisty (Dec 25, 2009)

I'm going to try to reply to the original topic.

I'm assuming he's into BDSM if he has so many kinks. If so, I think having him make the list is a great idea. Also, you can make your own list. Make a list of hard limits. 

When I was exploring that lifestyle, I had many hard limits. Things that were completely off limits, don't ask it ain't going to happen.

Then I had just limits. It was amazing how those changed after being with someone I trusted, who was patient and let us explore those limits safely. We had a safe word and when I used it, everything stopped immediately.

I was able to explore some things that were enjoyable and some of my limits were no longer limits..they were things I enjoyed.

So, I guess my advice is set hard limits, if you do decide to meet make sure you "play" only after developing some trust. Which I'm sure you know already.

Also, be open-minded. There are some things that sound completely off the wall that can be fun...just use that safe word.


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## MizzSnakeBite (Dec 25, 2009)

MisticalMisty said:


> I'm going to try to reply to the original topic.
> 
> I'm assuming he's into BDSM if he has so many kinks. If so, I think having him make the list is a great idea. Also, you can make your own list. Make a list of hard limits.
> 
> ...



Thank you!! :bow:


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