# How do you feel about thin partners who like you fat?



## Fascinita (Dec 18, 2009)

THIS QUESTION IS DIRECTED AT BBW/Fat Women ONLY, PLEASE.

Ladies, since Dimensions is already so full of talk of weight gain and feederism, I hesitate to bring this question before you.

But maybe it's something that BBWs need or want to talk about.

What I'm curious about:

Erotic feelings are what they are, and there's almost no accounting for what turns people on. OTOH, I know that one thing I've always wanted to experience in my own relationships is the shared assumption that there is nothing wrong with fat, per se--that fat itself is not a death sentence. 

So it's disconcerting to me to see so many thinner people at Dimensions who prefer fat partners yet express not only a simple desire to stay thin, but frequently a _strong fear of getting fat_, or a very _strong dislike_ of their own _bodies_ when they are _heavier_.

It's these extreme reactions I'm concerned with here, not the typical person who's always been thin and feels naturally best at that size. 

Since I subscribe to the Health at Every Size theory, I do believe it's possible to be healthy and active without having to be a "perfect" size. But what do you all make of thin people who are attracted to fat people BUT have a very pronounced preference against or fear of getting fat themselves?​


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## Tau (Dec 18, 2009)

I think we put too much energy into questioning the FA attraction to Fat people. If that attraction is loving and concerned and real what does it matter where it originates from or how sensible it is. To answer the Q though: I prefer my men athletic, hard (hehehe!) so it doesn't bother me at all. Dims was the first place where I encountered FA's who had had issues or problems with their own bodies and their weight, men and women who had struggled with their own size and felt more powerful smaller and didn't want to get bigger. Again I don't see a problem with their love of fat and their erotic feelings about gaining as long as those feelings don't come with intent to harm. It's 5am and i haven't slept so really hoping this makes sense.


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## Fascinita (Dec 18, 2009)

Tau said:


> I think we put too much energy into questioning the FA attraction to Fat people. If that attraction is loving and concerned and real what does it matter where it originates from or how sensible it is. To answer the Q though: I prefer my men athletic, hard (hehehe!) so it doesn't bother me at all. Dims was the first place where I encountered FA's who had had issues or problems with their own bodies and their weight, men and women who had struggled with their own size and felt more powerful smaller and didn't want to get bigger. Again I don't see a problem with their love of fat and their erotic feelings about gaining as long as those feelings don't come with intent to harm. It's 5am and i haven't slept so really hoping this makes sense.



Thanks, Tau. What I'm hoping to approach, though, is an understanding of the seeming contradiction between fearing fat for oneself, yet desiring it on someone else.

So it's clear, this question is not posed from a judgmental stance--if that's how people are, that's how people are. I'm only hoping to explore fat women's understanding of this phenomenon and possibly see how fat women feel about it themselves.

I think it's worth exploring without the fear that it makes us somehow less appreciative of FA affections. We can seek to understand it even if we accept it.


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## olwen (Dec 19, 2009)

When talking about an honest to goodness real relationship it doesn't bother me at all, precisely for the reasons you brought up - one can be attracted to one thing but not want that thing for themselves. Trying to figure out why is the kind of thing that would give me a headache, so I just accept it at face value. Then too, while I don't like the fear of fat aspect in a general sense, I can also understand not wanting to go thru some of the things that fat people deal with despite good health. For example, while I don't have internal health problems like diabetes, I do have osteoarthritis at what I think is too young an age. I wouldn't wish the pain I go thru on anyone, and I know that I have osteoarthisis because of my size despite the fact that trying to get fit is what caused it. As long as I end up with a partner who understands and will deal with the limitations I have because of it, then it's fine. 

But, I would have a problem with a thin person who preferred fat people but who wouldn't be willing to deal with whatever physical limitations being fat entails. Then I'd think that kind of a person is only interested in using a fat person for sex and nothing more. While there is nothing wrong with that in and of itself, like if they can find a fat person who is also only interested in casual sex, then it's cool, but...I think my thoughts are coming off the track...do you know what I mean here? 

...If a thin person wants to use a fat person for sex but only on their terms then there is a problem, cause it often means that the fat person's needs whether physical or emotional aren't being respected. That's when you know the thin person really has a problem with fatness despite being attracted to it, and that contrast will cause problems for all involved. 

Some people have the inner strength to be attracted to fatness and some don't. Some fat people have the inner strength to be fat and some don't. All of that is what it is, but there are just times when it makes for bad relationships either way. I really hope what I'm trying to say makes sense. I'm sorry if it's all jumbled, but I guess in my head this is not a black and white issue.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 19, 2009)

In my experience, one thing this can be based on is a conception of gender. Some of the guys I have gone out with who prefer to date fat women describe their belief that it is how a woman is supposed to be: fat, soft, curvy, all that. It's somehow wrapped up in their notion of femininity and womanhood. (I don't agree with that, because thin, average, and hard/muscular women shouldn't be left out of the definition of what is considered "womanly." But this is a line of thought I've encountered quite a bit.)

Usually going along with this definition of womanhood is a notion of manhood that says men need to be hard, defined, muscular, strong, etc. So these men are pretty focused on maintaining a "hard body" - or if they don't have it, at least bemoaning the fact that they don't - since they feel like they are less "manly" or something because of it.

I don't agree with these conceptions of gender and what men's and women's bodies *should* be like. And I hope for people make peace with their bodies (even if part of that means wanting to take care of their bodies differently). In an ideal world, guys I date would be with me on these things. But I do not live in an ideal world.


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## katherine22 (Dec 20, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> Thanks, Tau. What I'm hoping to approach, though, is an understanding of the seeming contradiction between fearing fat for oneself, yet desiring it on someone else.
> 
> So it's clear, this question is not posed from a judgmental stance--if that's how people are, that's how people are. I'm only hoping to explore fat women's understanding of this phenomenon and possibly see how fat women feel about it themselves.
> 
> I think it's worth exploring without the fear that it makes us somehow less appreciative of FA affections. We can seek to understand it even if we accept it.



This is an interesting question. If you fear fat on yourself and desire it in your female partner that would seem to heighten the attraction in that your partner possesses a quality that you find intriguing although you do not possess it. Is that not a form of opposites attract? However, when it is a thin hard body of a man attracted to a really fat women it seems to take on some sort of added dimension in that in confronts one's notion of propriety in that thin people could not possibly be attracted to fat people. Personally, I love the contrast of it in that it is so apparent that a thin male and I would be polar opposites which seems exciting in its stark difference.


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## StarWitness (Dec 20, 2009)

It bothers me that I have a strong attraction to chubby boy bodies (and the occasional chubby girl body too!), but that it's such a struggle for me to be okay with my own fat. In fact, I think realizing how unfair I've been to myself in that regard has been pretty instrumental in building self-acceptance.

I think as long as your motivation isn't a harmful one, it's okay to be attracted to an aspect of another person that you yourself do not embody. I love cock, but I'm not running out to get sex reassignment surgery, you know?


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## Flutterby68 (Dec 20, 2009)

In my experience being a BBW, the thin or average-sized man who wants to be with a fat woman who stays fat is often doing so out of a sense of low self esteem. They want the fat woman because they think nobody else will want her, so she'll stay with him. If she wants to lose weight or DOES lose weight, they are threatened by this because it means she may be attractive to others. I have NEVER been involved with a man who genuinely PREFERS a bigger woman because he actually finds her size to be attractive. The men I've been with have been with me in SPITE of my size, not because of it.


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## Tania (Dec 20, 2009)

I think in some instances it may a disorder-related paradox, which has everything to do with fantastically skewed self-perception or a manifestation of general self-loathing/self-blame and virtually nothing to do with any deep-seated fat hate. In these cases, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND and try not to add extra judgement/accusation burdens to an already complicated and difficult situation. 

Olwen and Starwitness made a great point - I guess it doesn't really matter WHY people feel that way so long as they approach other people, and particularly their fat partners, with sensitivity and sincere respect.


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## olwen (Dec 20, 2009)

Just a friendly reminder folks - If you are not a bbw, please do not respond to this thread. Thank you,

/mod


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## aussieamazonwoman (Dec 21, 2009)

I feel it's about the synthesis of the relationship. And I'm fine with how someone feels about themselves (insecurities and all) if there is a real connection between us.

If a man has a fat fetish to the point where I feel objectified, that is as though I may as well be a plus sized blow up doll and I as a person are not important then I don't really care how he feels about himself, because he feels nothing real for me except lust.

The opinion was expressed by Anna that some men will be with a big girl because they have a low self esteem and think a fat woman won't leave them and I think this is an apt observation in some cases - others are connected to the person and are attracted physically, mentally and emotionally (I like these ones).

Sometimes what one finds attractive in the other has little to do with how they feel about their own bodies and things. Humans are complex souls.

If I am deeply connected with someone, then they inevitably are aware and accepting of my insecurities and I of theirs.


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## chicken legs (Dec 21, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> THIS QUESTION IS DIRECTED AT BBW/Fat Women ONLY, PLEASE.
> 
> Ladies, since Dimensions is already so full of talk of weight gain and feederism, I hesitate to bring this question before you.
> 
> ...



Tough question.

Being a bbw/ffa I find I like the size contrast and most Fa's are the same way.
So while one partner is big..the other remains small.


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## bexy (Dec 21, 2009)

Flutterby68 said:


> In my experience being a BBW, the thin or average-sized man who wants to be with a fat woman who stays fat is often doing so out of a sense of low self esteem. They want the fat woman because they think nobody else will want her, so she'll stay with him. If she wants to lose weight or DOES lose weight, they are threatened by this because it means she may be attractive to others. I have NEVER been involved with a man who genuinely PREFERS a bigger woman because he actually finds her size to be attractive. The men I've been with have been with me in SPITE of my size, not because of it.



My goodness this is very sad if it is true.  

I have to say I have always found the opposite, especially with George. Do you not believe in FAs? Or even just men who like their girls bigger?? As I assure you there are plenty of them. There's a whole forum of them here!

It's a bit offensive really. I *know* George is with me as he adores my shape, as well as my face, my hair and my personality so to suggest this might not be the case is a little disconcerting. 

I'm genuinely sorry if these are the only types of experiences you have had with men. 

In response to the question, George is slim and gets uncomfortable/unhappy if he puts on weight. It does make me feel odd yes, that he looks at me as fat and thinks it nice but hates extra weight on himself.
His explanation is a gender one. He likes women to be fat, thinks women should be fatter, curvier, womanly. But he doesn't feel like men should. That's his reasoning and I can see where he is coming from. Women should have curves, their bodies are designed for hips and boobs etc whereas mens aren't as such. 
(Not saying there is anything wrong with BHM, please don't blast me!)


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## Flutterby68 (Dec 21, 2009)

Sure I believe FAs exist. I just haven't personally MET ONE, at least not one that was ever interested in me for anything other than sex. 

To be honest, in my experience men are willing to have sex with me at any time. But to be seen in public with me, oh HELL no. They won't be seen with the fat girl. In a photo (just a head shot) I don't look heavy, and I've had men change their minds about dating me because they see the rest of me or find out that I'm a BBW. It got to the point that when I was doing the online dating thing, I'd put in my profile that I was a BBW just to weed out the assholes in the beginning.

I've NEVER met a FA who was interested in me, and I'm only about 275, which is small by a lot of BBW standards. I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests... hell, even the fat GUYS who were balding and social misfits still seemed to feel like they were entitled to a size 6 supermodel. Mind boggling.




bexy said:


> My goodness this is very sad if it is true.
> 
> I have to say I have always found the opposite, especially with George. Do you not believe in FAs? Or even just men who like their girls bigger?? As I assure you there are plenty of them. There's a whole forum of them here!
> 
> ...


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## jewels_mystery (Dec 21, 2009)

I am glad this topic is being discussed. I have never talked to any of my partners about them gaining weight. I love to cook and usually they end up gaining about 20. lol. However I have spoken to a couple of FAs on dims who really pissed me off. Both made comments about loving bbws but could never imagine letting themselves get big. One went on to discuss his dietary and exercise routine to avoid gaining weight. I actually got "advice" on what I should not eat to gain any more weight and what hours are good to eat other things. I could not imagine being with someone who feels that way. I do not understand how someone could love my curves but disgusted if they gained a pound. Nah that is a head trip I would rather avoid.


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## AnnMarie (Dec 21, 2009)

My partners have all be slender/medium/thin/skinny. They all prefered to stay that way, and did not wish to be fat or have extra fat on them (at the time I was with them, who knows what they've done since). None of them had them "eh, if I get fat, I get fat" attitude at all. 

This didn't even remotely bother me. I think if their attitude had been "well, I don't want to be fat because that's a death sentence" then clearly there's a gaping chasm between what they desire and what they believe, and I couldn't in good conscience be with someone who was judging my very life so harshly. 

However, none of them had that attitude. They mostly had the "fat form is for female" attitude, and for that I was thankful. 

I am not interested in a partner who desires to gain themselves, it's just not my thing at all. Not a judgment, I have no issue with what anyone wants to do or what they like, but that I would not pick a gainer/wannabe gainer as a partner as we'd ultimately end up at odds over it. 

I've always enjoyed the "fat is for you, thin is for me" opposites attract thing. It's never been handed to me as a burden I have to carry, as I'm not a gainer/feedee, etc. I'm just a fat girl and they're just a guy who digs this fat girl - worked out fine in that respect and hopefully will again in the future. 

So, yeah, I'm fine with the perceived contradiction, but I really don't see it as that. I see it as "I like what I like on others, and I like what I like on myself".... just as I like being fat and do not look for that in a partner.


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## jewels_mystery (Dec 21, 2009)

I understand someone being happy with their size and not wanting to gain. I am also not into the feeder/gainer lifestyle. However I am not about to flip out if my partner gains weight. It is another thing when the person is disgusted by fat and talks about it like it is a disease.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Dec 21, 2009)

I have to say that.....it's come to light to me.....that one of THE most important things to me in a relationship is a man that has NO weight requirements for me, period. 

If he cannot say the magic words of " I like/love you no matter what you weigh" then that fool's a goner. No bullshit. It's bottom line with me. (New bf said it.......didn't ask for it....never expressed it as a requirement.....just something he said.....and it cinched it for me)

Funny.....I can hate the way I look fat or thin.....but he damn sure better be able to get past it because.....it's the inside of me that wants to be loved. Loving my inside means he's not hung up on my body........

Just how I see it.......

All that being said.....I try to give the same back.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 22, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I have to say that.....it's come to light to me.....that one of THE most important things to me in a relationship is a man that has NO weight requirements for me, period.
> 
> If he cannot say the magic words of " I like/love you no matter what you weigh" then that fool's a goner. No bullshit. It's bottom line with me. (New bf said it.......didn't ask for it....never expressed it as a requirement.....just something he said.....and it cinched it for me)
> 
> ...



This is the best ever. Super happy for you that your new guy is such a rare gem in this way! Not sure I'm at the point yet where I have that same bottom line. I would like to, but in some ways I still feel like I have to make concessions for "reality." But I'm moving closer to that bottom line on a daily basis.

I think this thread does raise an important question that's definitely worth discussing, but it also presupposes that the bulk of the "turn-on" only happens physically: around body type, etc., and that just simply isn't true for me (and, I think, for most of the men I've dated - not that there's a long list).


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## Fascinita (Dec 22, 2009)

mcbeth said:


> it also presupposes that the bulk of the "turn-on" only happens physically: around body type, etc., and that just simply isn't true for me (and, I think, for most of the men I've dated - not that there's a long list).



No, well... I was addressing only one facet of fat-thin relationships--a very specific kind of dynamic, in fact. I wonder if you could explain why it seemed that the thread presupposed only a physical turn-on. It might add to or clarify some aspect of the discussion.

I'm pleased that this thread has attracted so many interesting posts!


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## Tau (Dec 22, 2009)

Flutterby68 said:


> Sure I believe FAs exist. I just haven't personally MET ONE, at least not one that was ever interested in me for anything other than sex.
> 
> To be honest, in my experience men are willing to have sex with me at any time. But to be seen in public with me, oh HELL no. They won't be seen with the fat girl. In a photo (just a head shot) I don't look heavy, and I've had men change their minds about dating me because they see the rest of me or find out that I'm a BBW. It got to the point that when I was doing the online dating thing, I'd put in my profile that I was a BBW just to weed out the assholes in the beginning.
> 
> I've NEVER met a FA who was interested in me, and I'm only about 275, which is small by a lot of BBW standards. I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests... hell, even the fat GUYS who were balding and social misfits still seemed to feel like they were entitled to a size 6 supermodel. Mind boggling.



*Big, big hugz* finding love isn't easy. I know many fat girls who've had no difficulty finding and keeping it, but I haven't, still looking, and can tell you've been hurt too. I just wanted to say - keep strong, don't settle, don't take shit just so you're with somebody. Either God will send you the person who will be your perfect fit or there's something more you're meant to be getting out of this journey as a single person. Either way, you aren't alone, and I hope that one who'll adore you as you are and be proud of you as you are, comes along soon.


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## Weeze (Dec 22, 2009)

Flutterby68 said:


> Sure I believe FAs exist. I just haven't personally MET ONE, at least not one that was ever interested in me for anything other than sex.
> .



There's gonna be a whole slew of 'em in Mass pretty soon, and Jersey not long after that... and then I think they're heading to Mass again. We'll have to further research their migration patterns. 
In all seriousness, it's one thing to talk to people online but meeting FAs in PERSON? OUT FA'S? It's pretty cool. 

And, I raise this topic with almost every thin guy I talk to just because I find it interesting too (well, and because i'm a wee bit paranoid still). I mean, I talk to people on a FEEDING-centered website that are marathon runners, personal trainers, a bodybuilder. I bring it up, you know, "Why are you so... not fat?" And I always get the same response, "it doesn't look good on guys" or the "guys are supposed to be thinner" or I even had some guy tell me "Well, it's nature. your bodies are meant to have more body fat biologically."
So who knows. I mean, we preach on here all the time that you can't help who you're sexually attracted to, right? From a somewhat-FAish perspective myself, I like fat on me. I like fat on women. I'm ok with fat on guys, but as i've been growing up more, I feel like my tastes are more leaning toward leaner guys, and I've been known to date/hook up with very, very THIN women. I have to admit, I kinda like being the fat one in the relationship, so it doesn't bother me if my partner wants to stay thin, it's a win-win situation really.


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## LovelyLiz (Dec 22, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> No, well... I was addressing only one facet of fat-thin relationships--a very specific kind of dynamic, in fact. I wonder if you could explain why it seemed that the thread presupposed only a physical turn-on. It might add to or clarify some aspect of the discussion.



I may have misinterpreted your intial question, or perhaps because of the larger context I added more meaning than you intended. I guess it's just because the focus was on body size, saying "thin partners" and focusing on body preferences, etc. It's probably just my own hangup in wanting to keep away from having body size be the primary and defining attribute of me or someone else while in a relationship. That's why I really loved what GEF said about wanting to be accepted at any weight, and striving to do the same for her partner.

Apologies if I misconstrued your question.


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## Flutterby68 (Dec 22, 2009)

Tau said:


> *Big, big hugz* finding love isn't easy. I know many fat girls who've had no difficulty finding and keeping it, but I haven't, still looking, and can tell you've been hurt too. I just wanted to say - keep strong, don't settle, don't take shit just so you're with somebody. Either God will send you the person who will be your perfect fit or there's something more you're meant to be getting out of this journey as a single person. Either way, you aren't alone, and I hope that one who'll adore you as you are and be proud of you as you are, comes along soon.



Well, I am married now.... to someone who says he loves ME, regardless of what size I am. But he's another one of those guys who says he prefers big women, but the women I catch him looking at, the type of porn he's interested in, etc. are the skinny bimbos with the big (fake) tits.


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## aussieamazonwoman (Dec 23, 2009)

You know another comment I would like to make after reading the discussion in this thread is this...

In my early 20's, with a terribly low self esteem myself, I had a few experiences with men, where I thought if they found me attractive, there must be something terribly wrong with them. I learnt that if I saw myself a certain way any poor man had no chance with me because I would be looking for his flaws to justify how screwed up he was for liking me, therefore reinforcing my own negative view of myself. Then a man fell absolutely in love with me and it totally freaked me out that I WAS beautiful to someone and made me realise that the world didnt revolve around my own negative egocentric obsession with how fat I was.

Over the years I have gotten to like myself mostly, and interestingly when a man comes along who I don't think is worth my time or energy or affection I just don't go there. As a result I appreciate the nice ones for their lovely qualities instead of looking firstly for the flaws.


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## Fascinita (Dec 25, 2009)

krismiss said:


> And, I raise this topic with almost every thin guy I talk to just because I find it interesting too (well, and because i'm a wee bit paranoid still). I mean, I talk to people on a FEEDING-centered website that are marathon runners, personal trainers, a bodybuilder. I bring it up, you know, "Why are you so... not fat?" And I always get the same response, "it doesn't look good on guys" or the "guys are supposed to be thinner" or I even had some guy tell me "Well, it's nature. your bodies are meant to have more body fat biologically."



Thanks for these insights, Kris. I've heard many comments along those lines, too.

Of course, for me, that doesn't make sense. It's like saying men were "meant" to be big and strong and women to be soft and delicate. Or something!  Basically, I don't buy into essentialist notions of gender. If women's bodies are "meant" to have more fat, "biologically," does that mean that men who are fatter and women who are thinner are somehow biological freaks? There's a better way of understanding difference than that!

So I end up seeing those kinds of comments as virtual shrugs--just another way of someone saying, "There may be a basic contradiction in it, but that's just what I'm into, and so it makes sense to me." Which I'm fine with--the only time I'm _not_ fine with it is when it becomes a mantra that someone tries to impose on others. I think in those cases it becomes very problematic.


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## Fascinita (Dec 25, 2009)

mcbeth said:


> I may have misinterpreted your intial question, or perhaps because of the larger context I added more meaning than you intended. I guess it's just because the focus was on body size, saying "thin partners" and focusing on body preferences, etc. It's probably just my own hangup in wanting to keep away from having body size be the primary and defining attribute of me or someone else while in a relationship. That's why I really loved what GEF said about wanting to be accepted at any weight, and striving to do the same for her partner.
> 
> Apologies if I misconstrued your question.



No apologies necessary! I was trying to tease out more of what you meant, and I may have failed miserably.


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## TallFatSue (Dec 25, 2009)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> I have to say that.....it's come to light to me.....that one of THE most important things to me in a relationship is a man that has NO weight requirements for me, period.
> 
> If he cannot say the magic words of " I like/love you no matter what you weigh" then that fool's a goner. No bullshit. It's bottom line with me. (New bf said it.......didn't ask for it....never expressed it as a requirement.....just something he said.....and it cinched it for me)


Exactly, and I'm glad to hear your new bf feels that way. That was one of several reasons I knew my guy was "the one". His previous girlfriends were thin, though, so I had my doubts. Then the first time we were majorly kissing and fondling, he reached under my top so I naturally expected him to fondle my breasts. Nope, he fondled my belly instead. "What are you doing?" "I want to get to know all of you." Good answer! :smitten:

Hubby is more than happy to let me wear the fat in our household, because that happens to be the natural order of things. His attitude is fat is best when it's female, and for that I am thankful.


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## Fascinita (Dec 25, 2009)

TallFatSue said:


> Hubby is more than happy to let me wear the fat in our household, because that happens to be the natural order of things. His attitude is fat is *best* when it's female, and for that I am thankful.



I see what you did there! Fat = Pants! 

Could you say more about what you think your hubby means by "best," as quoted above?


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## TallFatSue (Dec 25, 2009)

Fascinita said:


> I see what you did there! Fat = Pants!
> 
> Could you say more about what you think your hubby means by "best," as quoted above?


Oky doky. I just asked my husband to remind me again why female fat (and my fat in particular) is best. Bear in mind that Art is an engineer. He mentioned that in scientific terms the physiological, metabolic and structural functions of fat are pretty well known. (Sue = ZZZZzzzz....) However he swiftly added that the biology textbooks have a glaring omission about fat being soft, warm, curvy, huggable, inviting, comforting, jiggly, electric to the touch etc. as well as sugar and spice and everything nice. Good answer ... I think. 

He also said I'm the first and only fat girl he ever dated, and in our 27-plus years of marriage he's exposed to an abundance of fine feminine fat every day in our household, so I have shaped his ideals. Aha, I brainwashed him! How cool is that? I gotta be me. 

Somehow I doubt these sorts of steamy hot romantic exchanges will ever find their way into a romance novel, but they work for us. :smitten:


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## Pharadox (Jan 10, 2010)

When I was with my ex, he openly told me that I was beautiful and that he was attracted to both thin and fat women. However, at times he would say he needed to work out more because he was getting fat (and I promise you there was not a bit of fat on his body). Sometimes it made me wonder how he could like my fat if he thought fat was a negative thing for himself.

Overall, however, it doesn't bother me. Just makes me lift my brows a little...


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## NemoVolo (Jan 31, 2010)

The only time I'm bothered by a thin guy liking me fat, is if he freaks out at the tiniest hint that he's gained weight. Then again, I've noticed a lot of the thin, lanky guys want to work out the bulk up muscle (or fat, in one case). Whether from childhood bullying or whatnot, they've gotten the mindset that being thin and lean is akin to scrawny, and no one wants a weakling. 

I guess I'm pretty bisizual, or pansizual, as the case may be. I like androgynously thin, to obese, and the bodies of Olympian competitors are pretty damn fine, too. The only body shape I don't like is the hard, round beer gut look. (Which is probably why I'm not as attracted to feedees; but I love me a foodee who gains without trying.) I like my guys "bigger" than me, even if that just means they're taller (which, at 5'2, isn't hard ).

I have no relationship/sexual experience to talk of, really. Guys from online dating sites stop talking to me once they see a pic of more than my face. And I'm not interested in just sex, so I don't really even talk to those guys. Assholes tend to weed themselves out early.


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## Tam (Jan 31, 2010)

My bests friends call me fat, sometimes. I like, it dont bother to me.
My best friend loves to rest on my tummy.


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## Dmitra (Jan 31, 2010)

It doesn't bother me to be with a thin man, nor a fat man. I'm not hugely for (or against) body builders but have noted a tendency to want to give shoulder love bites (!) to guys with, say, David Boreanaz' shape, in recent years. Maybe it's just that shoulder bulk, not necessarily the "cut" thing. Hrmmm, must study this more. :blush:

It does seem a little odd to me when a guy worries over weight gains but it's his body and I wouldn't feel right telling him not to. I would mention it made me a little sad but there's absolutely nothing wrong with working out and being stronger, either. I still have a strong anti-exercise grudge going but if I had a guy who was into work outs, walking or swimming (or something) I'd probably be more likely to do it as well. Buddy system, and all.


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## Candy_Coated_Clown (Feb 7, 2010)

Flutterby68 said:


> In my experience being a BBW, the thin or average-sized man who wants to be with a fat woman who stays fat is often doing so out of a sense of low self esteem. They want the fat woman because they think nobody else will want her, so she'll stay with him. If she wants to lose weight or DOES lose weight, they are threatened by this because it means she may be attractive to others. I have NEVER been involved with a man who genuinely PREFERS a bigger woman because he actually finds her size to be attractive. The men I've been with have been with me in SPITE of my size, not because of it.



If a woman comes across this, as a BBW, I don't think each woman would know how to tell whether or not this man just has a strong physical preference for a larger build or if his "attraction" is coming from a need to control how attractive she is to others, out of his own insecurities, so that the woman is kept for himself. 

FA's have preferences but maybe the test in the above situation is to see how a particular FA will continue to love a woman even if she does lose some weight.

A man like that, when confronted, would most likely deny that's what he's doing or he might turn it around and say, "You're just insecure about your weight and you don't believe I really like you fat! That's why you want to lose weight and look like what society tells you to look like!"

Talk about mindfuckery...


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## chicken legs (Feb 7, 2010)

Flutterby68 said:


> Sure I believe FAs exist. I just haven't personally MET ONE, at least not one that was ever interested in me for anything other than sex.
> 
> To be honest, in my experience men are willing to have sex with me at any time. But to be seen in public with me, oh HELL no. They won't be seen with the fat girl. In a photo (just a head shot) I don't look heavy, and I've had men change their minds about dating me because they see the rest of me or find out that I'm a BBW. It got to the point that when I was doing the online dating thing, I'd put in my profile that I was a BBW just to weed out the assholes in the beginning.
> 
> I've NEVER met a FA who was interested in me, and I'm only about 275, which is small by a lot of BBW standards. I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests... hell, even the fat GUYS who were balding and social misfits still seemed to feel like they were entitled to a size 6 supermodel. Mind boggling.




you make some really good points. I have seen it Alot. It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits between thin/althletic and fat to have anything more than a sexual relationship. Thats why as a Fa I like Dims because under normal circumstances I wouldn't be able to even talk to a person of size. The daily habits (mind set) of a fat person are really different...well at least to me..than a smaller/fitter person. Plus, when I see a huge person, I totally freeze up. Escapist laughs because I still do it to him ,even after a year of being together, when I don't see him for a long period of time (ok a few hours:blush.

At 32, I still have a hard time combining sex and friendship into one relationship.


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## LovelyLiz (Feb 7, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits between thin/althletic and fat to have anything more than a sexual relationship.



Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean, but I really don't think I agree with this. But before I jump to conclusions and feel the need to defend something you might not even be attacking...can you just clarify what you mean by "social habits"?


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## escapist (Feb 7, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean, but I really don't think I agree with this. But before I jump to conclusions and feel the need to defend something you might not even be attacking...can you just clarify what you mean by "social habits"?



I can tell you exactly what she means because this comes up on our daily life. She is an extreme sports person. There is no way I'm about to go sky diving, or bungy jumping with her. As she gets back to where she wants to be physically I have to be willing to make changes myself or just live separate lives. She's not trying to be mean, it is just how it is.

As a once athlete (and now Super Huge person) I can totally understand where she is coming from. When your partner can't keep up with you, how much fun can you really have together? Are you really even together when one of you has to sit all the activities out besides lounging around the house?


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## LovelyLiz (Feb 7, 2010)

escapist said:


> I can tell you exactly what she means because this comes up on our daily life. She is an extreme sports person. There is no way I'm about to go sky diving, or bungy jumping with her. As she gets back to where she wants to be physically I have to be willing to make changes myself or just live separate lives. She's not trying to be mean, it is just how it is.
> 
> As a once athlete (and now Super Huge person) I can totally understand where she is coming from. When your partner can't keep up with you, how much fun can you really have together? Are you really even together when one of you has to sit all the activities out besides lounging around the house?



Thanks for the explanation. I will say that based on my own experience, I believe that while this certainly can happen (like in your case), it's a generalization that goes beyond thin/fat dichotomies and lifestyles. There is no such thing as a "thin" lifestyle or a "fat" lifestyle - there are people who live more "active" or "inactive" lives, sure, but it doesn't necessarily line up neatly along thin/fat lines (meaning: there are plenty of inactive thin people and active fat people). Not to invalidate your own experience which obviously is your own, but I just think that needs to be said.


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## chicken legs (Feb 7, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean, but I really don't think I agree with this. But before I jump to conclusions and feel the need to defend something you might not even be attacking...can you just clarify what you mean by "social habits"?




Well I only used my ex for sex (for about 10 years). We had totally different lives. I liked working out at the gym for at least an hour, doing yoga, then go out dancing till daylight ..on top of going to work and school. Then for more shits and giggles I would jump out of planes, bungy jump, indoor rock climb, etc. However, he just liked to go out to eat, hang out, play video games, and watch movies. So when I did my thing it was without him. When I planned to do these things, it was without him. When I talked about these things, it was with someone else. I actually hung out with other memebers of his family and thats how we met but we really didnt do anything together but have sex because he didn't enjoy the things I liked doing. Plus, I was usually so tired from doing all those things, all I did around him ..was sleep on him...especially when it came to movie time.


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## escapist (Feb 7, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Thanks for the explanation. I will say that based on my own experience, I believe that while this certainly can happen (like in your case), it's a generalization that goes beyond thin/fat dichotomies and lifestyles. There is no such thing as a "thin" lifestyle or a "fat" lifestyle - there are people who live more "active" or "inactive" lives, sure, but it doesn't necessarily line up neatly along thin/fat lines (meaning: there are plenty of inactive thin people and active fat people). Not to invalidate your own experience which obviously is your own, but I just think that needs to be said.



Yeah we were actually just talking about that. It just becomes more extreme of a difference when your so big you can hardly walk for 10 minutes. I myself can be somewhat of your example. For me I can be very active at 400 lbs. I can out climb and hike people 1/2 my size.


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## chicken legs (Feb 7, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Thanks for the explanation. I will say that based on my own experience, I believe that while this certainly can happen (like in your case), it's a generalization that goes beyond thin/fat dichotomies and lifestyles. There is no such thing as a "thin" lifestyle or a "fat" lifestyle - there are people who live more "active" or "inactive" lives, sure, but it doesn't necessarily line up neatly along thin/fat lines (meaning: there are plenty of inactive thin people and active fat people). Not to invalidate your own experience which obviously is your own, but I just think that needs to be said.



Also the body type of a thin person is different than that of a big person. Thats from birth on up. My sister and I have two totally different body types and our lifestyles never meshed. I would talk more but my two year is doing flying kicks behind me.


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## olwen (Feb 7, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> Well I only used my ex for sex (for about 10 years). We had totally different lives. I liked working out at the gym for at least an hour, doing yoga, then go out dancing till daylight ..on top of going to work and school. Then for more shits and giggles I would jump out of planes, bungy jump, indoor rock climb, etc. However, he just liked to go out to eat, hang out, play video games, and watch movies. So when I did my thing it was without him. When I planned to do these things, it was without him. When I talked about these things, it was with someone else. I actually hung out with other memebers of his family and thats how we met but we really didnt do anything together but have sex because he didn't enjoy the things I liked doing. Plus, I was usually so tired from doing all those things, all I did around him ..was sleep on him...especially when it came to movie time.



You do realize your average thin person doesn't go rock climbing or bunjee jumping or anything else extreme. That's just you. The average thin person doesn't do extreme activities and can still go to the gym, do yoga or pilates then come back and spend time with their gf/bf and do what they like. It is possible to be fat and fit.


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## escapist (Feb 7, 2010)

olwen said:


> You do realize your average thin person doesn't go rock climbing or bunjee jumping or anything else extreme. That's just you. The average thin person doesn't do extreme activities and can still go to the gym, do yoga or pilates then come back and spend time with their gf/bf and do what they like. It is possible to be fat and fit.



Ummm yeah but her Original post was about Thin-Athletic Person's, in reply to a post about athletic persons.



chicken legs said:


> "It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits between thin/althletic and fat to have anything more than a sexual relationship."



And she was saying that in reply to this:



> "I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests..."


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## escapist (Feb 7, 2010)

olwen said:


> You do realize your average thin person doesn't go rock climbing or bunjee jumping or anything else extreme. That's just you. The average thin person doesn't do extreme activities and can still go to the gym, do yoga or pilates then come back and spend time with their gf/bf and do what they like. It is possible to be fat and fit.



Ummm yeah but her Original post was about Thin-Athletic Person's, in reply to a post about others interest and whatnot.



chicken legs said:


> "It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits between thin/althletic and fat to have anything more than a sexual relationship."



And she was saying that in reply to this:



> "I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests..."


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## olwen (Feb 7, 2010)

escapist said:


> Ummm yeah but her Original post was about Thin-Athletic Person's, in reply to a post about others interest and whatnot.
> 
> 
> 
> And she was saying that in reply to this:



Oh, the post she had responded to initially didn't say anything about that. Regardless, my point still stands. If someone who is into extreme sports wants to be with someone who can't do extreme sports he/she has to either compromise or not date someone who isn't into what they are into.


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## MisticalMisty (Feb 7, 2010)

olwen said:


> Oh, the post she had responded to initially didn't say anything about that. Regardless, my point still stands. If someone who is into extreme sports wants to be with someone who can't do extreme sports he/she has to either compromise or not date someone who isn't into what they are into.



exactly..why the hell bother having a relationship if you're going to be selfish and have it be all that you want to do all the time?

You can be in a relationship, do your own things, and also find activities that you can do together.


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## escapist (Feb 7, 2010)

olwen said:


> Oh, the post she had responded to initially didn't say anything about that. Regardless, my point still stands. If someone who is into extreme sports wants to be with someone who can't do extreme sports he/she has to either compromise or not date someone who isn't into what they are into.



I know and it was in the original post: She said, *"I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests..."*

Chicken was just commenting on the difference on interest, and for her how it was related to body-types. Its a problem she's had in the past. She's busy so I hope you guy forgive me for answering for her. Your point is exactly the same point she was trying to make, a point I hear her make alllllllll the time!


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## olwen (Feb 7, 2010)

escapist said:


> I know and it was in the original post: She said, *"I don't know, maybe it's where I live or my interests..."*
> 
> Chicken was just commenting on the difference on interest, and for her how it was related to body-types. Its a problem she's had in the past. She's busy so I hope you guy forgive me for answering for her. Your point is exactly the same point she was trying to make, a point I hear her make alllllllll the time!



I'm sorry, but that's not at all how it read to me.


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## escapist (Feb 7, 2010)

olwen said:


> I'm sorry, but that's not at all how it read to me.



Compromise = "It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits..." (Which is what she said)

Some people don't want to adjust what they do to mesh with what their partner can or can not do.

For me I'm perfectly willing to go support her and help her pack her chute but I'm sure as hell not jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. Visa versa, she has little to no inclination to going rock climbing with me....our compromise is indoor rock climbing.


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## olwen (Feb 7, 2010)

escapist said:


> Compromise = "It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits..." (Which is what she said)
> 
> Some people don't want to adjust what they do to mesh with what their partner can or can not do.
> 
> For me I'm perfectly willing to go support her and help her pack her chute but I'm sure as hell not jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. Visa versa, she has little to no inclination to going rock climbing with me....our compromise is indoor rock climbing.



Okay. I suppose at this point you and I are saying the same thing. So I'll let it go.

.....


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## escapist (Feb 7, 2010)

olwen said:


> Okay. I suppose at this point you and I are saying the same thing. So I'll let it go.
> 
> .....



Well like they say, "Its not what you say, its what people hear."

I just quoted her and tried to clarify since it seamed to be misunderstood, heck sometimes people have to do it for me too.


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## steely (Feb 8, 2010)

Fascinita said:


> THIS QUESTION IS DIRECTED AT BBW/Fat Women ONLY, PLEASE.



This seems to be a consideration for posting in this thread.


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## butch (Feb 8, 2010)

steely said:


> This seems to be a consideration for posting in this thread.



Thanks for pointing that out, steely. 

Escapist, we understand you're clarifying your friend's postion because she is busy, but really, we're happy to wait until she is no longer busy, to reply herself in the BBW Forum, where the focus should always be on the perspective of the BBWs of our community, especially in threads that ask only for the input of BBWs. Thank you for understanding. If you have any questions about this, please PM a BBW moderator, and we're happy to explain the protected concept that the BBW Forum is moderated by.

-Butch,
BBW Mod


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## LovelyLiz (Feb 8, 2010)

butch said:


> Thanks for pointing that out, steely.
> 
> Escapist, we understand you're clarifying your friend's postion because she is busy, but really, we're happy to wait until she is no longer busy, to reply herself in the BBW Forum, where the focus should always be on the perspective of the BBWs of our community, especially in threads that ask only for the input of BBWs. Thank you for understanding. If you have any questions about this, please PM a BBW moderator, and we're happy to explain the protected concept that the BBW Forum is moderated by.
> 
> ...



I was also really glad Steely pointed that out. The other piece though, is that his friend's position escapist was clarifying (chickenlegs) was also not coming from a BBW/Fat Woman, but from a thin/athletic woman - as she characterized herself to be. I think we need to keep in mind that this isn't broadly a "women's forum" for women of all sizes, but specifically a forum for BBW or fat women.

Thanks for your moderating, Butch. You rock.


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## chicken legs (Feb 8, 2010)

Ok..first of I am female..BBW..and FA.

Second I was fit and became fat.

Third I was speaking from my POV of my experiences.

WTF.

I really appreciate that Escapist spoke for me ..even though I told him not to. However its seems kinda odd that all he did was quote me for you folks to understand what I said in the first place.


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## olwen (Feb 8, 2010)

steely said:


> This seems to be a consideration for posting in this thread.



Yes, thanks for pointing that out. Apologies. I had forgotten that was the request in this thread.


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## olwen (Feb 8, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> I was also really glad Steely pointed that out. The other piece though, is that his friend's position escapist was clarifying (chickenlegs) was also not coming from a BBW/Fat Woman, but from a thin/athletic woman - as she characterized herself to be. I think we need to keep in mind that this isn't broadly a "women's forum" for women of all sizes, but specifically a forum for BBW or fat women.
> 
> Thanks for your moderating, Butch. You rock.



Non bbws are allowed to post in this board. That means, thin women, men, and whatever in between can participate as long as they stick to the rules.


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## chicken legs (Feb 8, 2010)

olwen said:


> You do realize your average thin person doesn't go rock climbing or bunjee jumping or anything else extreme. That's just you. The average thin person doesn't do extreme activities and can still go to the gym, do yoga or pilates then come back and spend time with their gf/bf and do what they like. It is possible to be fat and fit.



To clarify....I said thin/althletic....not average thin.


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## LovelyLiz (Feb 8, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> Ok..first of I am female..BBW..and FA.
> 
> Second I was fit and became fat.
> 
> ...



My apologies. I didn't have all the information.



olwen said:


> Non bbws are allowed to post in this board. That means, thin women, men, and whatever in between can participate as long as they stick to the rules.



In this case, I thought the "rules" for this particular thread (not the board overall) were that it was only directed to BBW/Fat women. I am really not trying to be a stickler or super narrow or anything, but more just wondering how it works when an OP says "This is just for BBW/Fat women" - does that become a rule, at least for that particular thread, or not?

Seriously just trying to get clear on it, and also to honor the original intent of the thread by the OP. Not wanting to cause unnecessary drama.


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## olwen (Feb 8, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> Ok..first of I am female..BBW..and FA.
> 
> Second I was fit and became fat.
> 
> ...





chicken legs said:


> To clarify....I said thin/althletic....not average thin.



Since I'm at work I don't have time to go back and reread the previous posts, so I'm trying to remember the crux of the discussion.

In my mind athletic = roller blading or weight lifting, or running, not extreme sports activities. To me that's thrill seeking. Plus my thin friends just aren't athletic by any sense of the word yet they remain thin. They are perfectly happy to do things that require sitting. They're intellectuals, not jocks. So the idea of a thin lifestyle and a fat lifestyle doesn't make much sense to me. But I suppose that if we have had different experiences then all that applies...


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## olwen (Feb 8, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> My apologies. I didn't have all the information.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Yes, if a bbw requests bbw responses only then that rule applies to that thread. I simply forgot that was a rule for this thread before I responded.


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## chicken legs (Feb 8, 2010)

olwen said:


> Oh, the post she had responded to initially didn't say anything about that. Regardless, my point still stands. If someone who is into extreme sports wants to be with someone who can't do extreme sports he/she has to either compromise or not date someone who isn't into what they are into.



When it came to my personal story I was pointing out how it became just sex because of the lack of compromise. 

However, some of you decided it was me not doing the compromising...but it wasn't the case. 

I was upfront from the jump about what I liked to do and whatnot. However, he wanted to change me (he had issues) and I didn't feel like it because he DIDN'T want to compromise with me in any way shape or form...aka bridge gaps of lifestyle. In other words he objectifed me but didn't like it when I did the same to him. He wanted his way or the highway...so after I fucked him...I took the highway and hung out with my friends.

Compromise goes both ways.


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## steely (Feb 8, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> When it came to my personal story I was pointing out how it became just sex because of the lack of compromise.
> 
> However, some of you decided it was me not doing the compromising...but it wasn't the case.
> 
> ...



I have no problem with you posting and explaining your position. In the rules it says others can post "positive and non disruptive posts". It seems that escapist is defending you when you are fully capable of speaking for yourself. It was unnecessary for him to post in the BBW Forum just to defend your position. Everyone, including women, need to read Tina's "Welcome to the BBW Board" for the expectations and considerations of the BBW Forum.


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## butch (Feb 8, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> Ok..first of I am female..BBW..and FA.
> 
> Second I was fit and became fat.
> 
> ...



The primary concern isn't that he quoted you or spoke for you, but that he disregarded the fact that the OP asked for BBW participation only, in a forum where that is a rule we ask all non-BBW posters to adhere to-to not speak in a particular thread if one is asked politely not to, which was the case in this thread. I also offered to explain any of this to him via PM, which is an option for anyone who is unsure of the way this particular forum functions.

I hope now that we've all gotten some things sorted out, we can get back on track with this discussion. Anyone is welcome to, at any time, PM a mod if they are unsure of the protocols for the BBW Forum. Thanks!


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## Carrie (Feb 8, 2010)

butch said:


> Anyone is welcome to, at any time, PM a mod if they are unsure of the protocols for the BBW Forum. Thanks!


Can I get this in outline form, and in triplicate, plz? K, thanks.


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## chicken legs (Feb 8, 2010)

butch said:


> The primary concern isn't that he quoted you or spoke for you, but that he disregarded the fact that the OP asked for BBW participation only, in a forum where that is a rule we ask all non-BBW posters to adhere to-to not speak in a particular thread if one is asked politely not to, which was the case in this thread. I also offered to explain any of this to him via PM, which is an option for anyone who is unsure of the way this particular forum functions.
> 
> I hope now that we've all gotten some things sorted out, we can get back on track with this discussion. Anyone is welcome to, at any time, PM a mod if they are unsure of the protocols for the BBW Forum. Thanks!



I can't control what other people do...aka Escapist. I think people read my post without actually reading my post nor did they read my previous posts on older parts of the thread, but what can you do. It just irked me because they said they understood him when all he did was quote me....so the mere mention of thin seemed to get folks all flustered and whatnot.


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## LovelyLiz (Feb 8, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> so the mere mention of thin seemed to get folks all flustered and whatnot.



Speaking only for myself, it was not the "mere mention of thin" that made me "all flustered and whatnot." I have no problem with thin people (all of my best friends are thin people ). I just think that when an OP lays out ground rules for a conversation she begins, it is both fair and polite to respect those within the thread. 

And I did heartily disagree with your thin lifestyle/fat lifestyle dichotomy, but I wasn't flustered over that, just wanting to present another side.


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## chicken legs (Feb 8, 2010)

mcbeth said:


> Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean, but I really don't think I agree with this. But before I jump to conclusions and feel the need to defend something you might not even be attacking...can you just clarify what you mean by "social habits"?



LOL...ok this looks to ME like flustered...but to YOU its heartily disagreeing. Either way...I responded with an example of my life. A life that included a period of being "thin" (size 3-4...which to me personally isn't thin but then again I hung out with alot of petite asians..so my view is different)...not merely being friends with thin folks..but being thin and highly active ..fucking a person who was very thick (260-300)..who didn't want to compromise even after I slowed down...and* gained weight*.. for the good of the relationship (because he thought was I was to "thin" but it was really a disguise for his own insecurity). 


So my view of a thin/althetic lifestyle vs. a fat lifestyle is based on my life . I am not a scientist nor do I play one on TV. Now, what is "your thin lifestyle/fat lifestyle dichotomy" that you so "heartily" wanted to present?


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## LovelyLiz (Feb 8, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> So my view of a thin/althetic lifestyle vs. a fat lifestyle is based on my life . I am not a scientist nor do I play one on TV. Now, what is "your thin lifestyle/fat lifestyle dichotomy" that you so "heartily" wanted to present?



No harm intended, I just disagreed with you (and already did offer other perspectives, as did olwen). 

I'm cool with this thread getting back on track.


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## butch (Feb 9, 2010)

chicken legs said:


> I can't control what other people do...aka Escapist. I think people read my post without actually reading my post nor did they read my previous posts on older parts of the thread, but what can you do. It just irked me because they said they understood him when all he did was quote me....so the mere mention of thin seemed to get folks all flustered and whatnot.



I don't recall you being asked to control other people, and my post as a mod was directed at Escapist, not you. My coming in to this thread as a mod was simply to ask that the thread get back on track and stay within the guidelines set out by Fascinita, which was to limit the thread to BBW participation. Such a request is allowed and supported by the rules here in this protected forum, and while other threads in the BBW Forum do allow male and non-BBW female participation within certain limits, this one did not. I did not say you couldn't post, since I've read enough of your posts here to know that you identify as a BBW.

I was polite, understanding, and simply doing my job when I posted. I'm not sure if you are confusing my mod duties with the complaints others had about your perspective, but my post had nothing to do with the content of your posts or escapist's posts, all I said was to not post if you're not a fat women, and to please stop arguing in this thread about that rule, and that was meant to be addressed to anyone reading the thread, as a reminder of the ways in which the BBW Forum functions. I have no problem with BBWs debating perspectives on aspects of this question, as long as no rules are being broken. 

Since I've asked once for the thread to get back on track, and more debate about the rules of the forum appeared, any more discussion of the rules will be met with infractions. I'm not trying to be secretive when I ask people to PM if they have additional questions about the rules, I'm just trying to keep the thread on track. As Steely points out, there are rules that are in a sticky thread at the top of the BBW Forum, so please seek those out if you are unsure of the rules of the forum.

Thank you,
Butch,
BBW Forum Mod


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## katherine22 (Feb 9, 2010)

It is no concern to me if some man who admires me prefers to be thin as long as he understands that being thin is a preference. Once a thin man treats me with moral indignation because I prefer to be fat then he is gone.


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## verucassault (Mar 9, 2010)

there is a younger german boy who is currently interested in me. boy oh boy does he love fat women. anyway, his body is what you would call rock hard, home boy works out 6 times a week and he boxes. watches what he eat, doesnt really drink, really active. he might be a borderline health nut. over dinner one evening he was talking about his crazy work out schedule, and said, he can't eat anymore because he doesnt wasnt to get fat. and i am like erm, dont you see a huge contradiction in your words and preferences. i mean you hear alot of men into fitness claim that they will never date a fat woman because they dont take good care of their bodies, and the "deserve" someone who isnt fat. he didnt follow that logic. he believed that soft and fluffy and curvy is the ideal shape of a woman, where as hard and chiseled and muscular should be a man's.

he said that i was bringing perfection to the table, so he should bring perfection to the table as well. its totally plausible for a person to desire one thing in a partner but not want to possess that themselves. he appreciates women for the ways they differ from men and not the ways in which they are similar.


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## KittyKitten (Mar 9, 2010)

I think people like what they do not have.


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