# FA who avoid the word fat.



## Emma (Aug 14, 2008)

I've been around this place for all of my adult life (and most of my teen life) and I've come across many different types of people who are into fat. 

A common theme I find recurring is that a lot of FA don't/won't use the word fat. In my time I've been told I'm not fat I'm; juicy, fluffy, chubby, big, plus sized, curvy ect. Also, when I've said 'Actually I'm fat' I've been told not to 'put myself down by refering to myself that way'. 

I don't think refering to myself as fat *IS* putting myself down. I actually find myself feeling more offended when I'm told I'm *not* fat. It's like why would I lie about something so bloody obvious and do they think I'm so stupid that I'm suddenly going to say 'oh hang on wait, I've been totally wrong I'm not actually fat. woohoo!?'

Anyways, sorry for the little rant. What are your thoughts on the matter?


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## furious styles (Aug 14, 2008)

The F word. I think the reasoning here is twofold. 

1. Many people fear using the word, because it's drawn such a bad connotation. What do people of the non size-acceptance community say when referring to bigger people? They say "fat" or "fat-ass" or "fatty fatty two by four" or "damn you're fat" or any myriad of blunt statements. The word has developed a sort of venom because of this usage; since for the average person there is very little positive about "fat," it's used derisively. So for a lot of people there's nothing cute about the word, it's so blunt that it's off-putting. It brings back memories of family members and classmates (I can attest to that, at least), and isn't really something you want to hear coming from your significant other or friend. 

Now, some people can be "emancipated" about the word and state that they don't want to stop using it just because of it's bastardization. I think that's a fine viewpoint to have. However, that doesn't mean people don't have the right to be made uncomfortable by it. It's all in the personal prerogative, like most things. 

Soooo; I think that plenty of FAs don't like using it for fear of being abrasive or inconsiderate. That's pretty much how I feel about it, at least. If I'm aware that a girl is A-OK with it, then I might drop a "damn you're fat" in there sometimes. But only because she's savvy to the connotation that _I'm_ putting on it. 

2. People like to use pet names. It's cute ... sort of.


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## bexy (Aug 14, 2008)

CurvyEm said:


> I've been around this place for all of my adult life (and most of my teen life) and I've come across many different types of people who are into fat.
> 
> A common theme I find recurring is that a lot of FA don't/won't use the word fat. In my time I've been told I'm not fat I'm; juicy, fluffy, chubby, big, plus sized, curvy ect. Also, when I've said 'Actually I'm fat' I've been told not to 'put myself down by refering to myself that way'.
> 
> ...



See this? My biggest bug bear!! People who say I am not fat because they think its what I want to hear!! To me its like someone saying I am not tall!
I can see how the word fat is offensive, to people who are maybe like 10llbs "overweight" but to me its stating the bloody obvious. 

I get people that hate that I call myself fat, it frustrates me. Surely its my choice how I feel comfortable referring to myself? Even my cutie, who loves my body and prefers fat girls, rarely calls me fat. He calls me curvy. Its not that I mind other words for fat. I like being called fluffy or voluptuous, its cute and theyre just alternative words, but only providing the person is also happy to call me FAT!!


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## Haunted (Aug 14, 2008)

I call My Girl Fatty all the time, I'v mentioned this before, sometimes I'll say "i love you Fatty" and she'll look at me all shocked and hurt and say "Did you Just Call Me Fat !" to which i simply reply "yeah" and she shrugs her shoulders smiles and says Either "ok" or "Just Checking" this one is fun out in public, at restaurants and especially at a Buffet !!!

Sometimes when she's enjoying dessert I'll warn her "careful baby your gonna get fat" and i love this response. She'll smile take a big bite and say "I Hope so!! or good" 

i tend to have to watch myself when i'm not with her because i'm so free with the word Fat that sometimes i throw it around and people get a bit offended!!!

:kiss2:I love you My big beautiful Fatty :kiss2:​


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## KHayes666 (Aug 14, 2008)

I've encountered both ends of the spectrum in my experiences. Some girls have no problem being called fat while others are very offended, its really hit or miss depending on the confidence level.


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## SpecialK (Aug 14, 2008)

I've worked on reclaiming the word 'fat' for years. I call myself fat, and when others are shocked or offended, or try the "You're not fat!" bs, I tell them that fat is not a four-letter word. It's merely a descriptive word like tall or short or thin.

It's funny to see how some of my friends and coworkers have adopted my use of the word fat, and how others haven't. I commonly refer to the Vegas bash as my "Fat Girl Party" and after I came back this year, one of my male coworkers asked "How was your 'Fat Girl Party'?" The other coworker who was in the room at the time nearly spun her head off, she thought it was so offensive for him to say that to me. hahaha!


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## T_Devil (Aug 14, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> People like to use pet names. It's cute ... sort of.


I do not. I dispise it. It is easily one of the most sickening things ever. Pet names are just another form of hiding. Stop Hiding. You will never be free if you cower in fear of _a word_.



KHayes666 said:


> I've encountered both ends of the spectrum in my experiences. Some girls have no problem being called fat while others are very offended, its really hit or miss depending on the confidence level.


Confidence is all in the mind. You can't tell someone to be confident, they either feel it or they do not feel it. If they do not feel it, they need a reason TO feel it. We are conditioned everyday to lose confidence. How do we build up confidence? Compliment and pay it forward. It is the persons choice to receve the compliment well or not well. One can do little more than that.

As is obvious, I do not fear the word FAT. I don't depend on it to describe me as a person either. For instance, I am a Fat GIRL Admierer, not a Fat Admierer. It is the Girl I admire, Fat is only the descripive word for the girl. As I have stated, I dispise the little cutesy terms used in liue of fat, such as:

Curvy. No, you are not a road. 
Plush. No, you are not a stuffed animal.
Fluffy. No, you are not a pillow.

and the one I cannot stand in the least:
PHAT. Learn to fucking spell. Acronym or not, it's just dumb as hell.

If you want to use them as a descriptive term, fine. It's your choice. NONE of those describe ME as a person. I am TALL, I am FAT and I just don't give a shit what other people think. I'm a sexy man, and I happen to think FAT GIRLS are the sexiest women on the planet.

I don't applogize for my use of the word "fat". If people are offended by the word "fat", then they are better off just to stay the fuck outta my kool-aid because when it's all said and done....

Only the most confident and secure of us will not allow ourselves to be afraid of the word "FAT". We use it without fear, and hell, it's not shameful in the least to use it with a little bit of pride!


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## Duniwin (Aug 14, 2008)

I can only really speak for myself, but as a thin FA I am conscious of both the people around me who toss around the word _fat _as an insult, and those who use it merely as a descriptive term to apply to themselves.

I certainly don't want to belong to, or for people to think I belong to, the group that uses the word as an insult. On the other hand, I am not fat myself. Therefore, I don't want to offend anyone by using the word when I don't really have any "ownership" of the word.

I wouldn't say that I use _euphemisms_ for fat, becuase I think that would imply that there is something negative about it. I do however use synonyms instead of saying "fat," at least until I get comfortable with a person or group. It is certainly misguided to deny that someone is fat when they admit to it and embrace the word, and it is understandably frustrating.

Now as a self-described _geek_, I think I can relate _somewhat _to people being "embarrassed for you" when you apply a label to yourself, a label that they feel shouldn't be applied to anyone. It's frustrating. Let the people to whom the term applies and who are unashamed to associate with the term decide whether or not to identify as fat, geeky, queer, etc.

To summarize, if have enough confidence to call yourself fat, more power to you! You're being a positive role-model changing the dialog. I am annoyed that some people refuse to allow others to define themselves, but I can understand why thin FAs might be nervous to use the term at first.


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## youngnintogaining (Aug 14, 2008)

The problem as I see it isn't exactly the word fat. I am quite comfortable in using the word. However, the problem lies in the connotation of the word. Many fat girls have only known the connotation of the word to be negative or hateful, instead of the positive and complementary connotation that are used often by FA's. I think to be able to use the word fat around a fat girl depends on her individual experience with FA's. If she is someone like Em, who has been around the community for 5+ years, she should be comfortable with being called fat in a positive way. However, if it is somebody new to the community, an FA coming straight out and saying something along the lines of, "Damn your fat looks good", they might freak out. So I feel you should test the waters of the girls experience and confidence levels before using the term.


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## mszwebs (Aug 14, 2008)

I have become a LOT more comfortable with the word fat in the last year. Before last July, I would never have used it as a self descriptive term. 

Someone above mentioned calling the Vegas bash a *fat girl party*...I refer to the weekend bashes as *fatty bashes*. It amuses me to make people kind of double take at the phrase, and then I get to explain what they are...which 9 times out of 10 yields a *oh, cool* response. 

I've also become more willing to joke about it. One day, I brought a pretty awesome lunch to work and whenever I do, people comment that it looks good etc. One day, a friend said jokingly that I had stolen her lunch. As I was taking a bite, I just looked at her and was like *thats right. Cause I'm a bad fatty.* 

There were shocked looks, but I laughed lol. 

Whatever. I'm comfortable In my skin now and damn the torpedos.


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## originaljohnny (Aug 14, 2008)

I used to tell one of my ex-girlfriends that she wasn't fat, just chubby. Not because I thought the word "fat" was bad, but because, for me, she just didn't seem that big.
I have to be careful about throwing "the F word" around casually because not everyone knows about Fat Acceptance and reclaiming the word and all that, so they'll take it like a sudden slap in the face!  So my general rule is, wait to see if she uses it, and whether she uses it positively or at least neutrally first.


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## Happenstance (Aug 15, 2008)

One must understand that girls who don't mind the word fat being used to describe them is a small minority. I use it here, but still I hesitate, not wanting to offend anyone.

Bexy, I love the expression 'bug bear' and fully intend to steal it.


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## alison.victoria (Aug 15, 2008)

Haunted said:


> sometimes I'll say "i love you Fatty" and she'll look at me all shocked and hurt and say "Did you Just Call Me Fat !"



LOL, this reminds me of Ben and I. He'll say something that can remotely be construed as his calling me fat, and I'll act all offended towards him and make him feel like he really offended me. And then I tell him I'm just kidding because it's obvious I'm fat. Haha.

But I totally agree... I HATE it when people refuse to use the word fat. Fat is the ONLY word I use to describe myself, so if I'm using it, obviously it's okay for others to use it. I think someone said that it might be offensive to someone who's only 10 or so pounds overweight, but I am WELL past that mark. I'm fat. It's okay if people call me fat. Lol.


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## bellywatcher (Aug 15, 2008)

yeah you are very fat alright


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## disconnectedsmile (Aug 15, 2008)

T_Devil said:


> and the one I cannot stand in the least:
> PHAT. Learn to fucking spell. Acronym or not, it's just dumb as hell.


*goes in for the high five*
good sir, i thank you for that. i had to cease speaking with one of my online friends for overusing the word "phat" in the context of "fat." not that "phat" is even a word to begin with. jeezus.


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## Zoom (Aug 15, 2008)

I love the word FAT.

But it occurs to me that if I had a girlfriend, until I found out her stance on _that_ word I would be in danger of having her walk out on me if I were to utter it.

So I must never use the word-- even accidentally-- in public.

Some predicament, eh?


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 15, 2008)

I don't mind being called fat by an FA, because I know they don't mean it in a negative way. I actually don't like being called fluffy, curvy, juicy, queen-sized, plush or voluptous. They just seem..um, dumb? I don't know, I just don't like it. Chubby and plus-size are fine but I'd rather just be called fat.

Obviously though, it's different if someone who isn't an FA or fellow fat girl is saying it.


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## bellywatcher (Aug 15, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> I don't mind being called fat by an FA, because I know they don't mean it in a negative way. I actually don't like being called fluffy, curvy, juicy, queen-sized, plush or voluptous. They just seem..um, dumb? I don't know, I just don't like it. Chubby and plus-size are fine but I'd rather just be called fat.
> 
> Obviously though, it's different if someone who isn't an FA or fellow fat girl is saying it.



No doubt about it though - you are very fat...


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 15, 2008)

bellywatcher said:


> No doubt about it though - you are very fat...



Did I mention that I hate when random creeps from the internet call me fat? Oh..that too. :]


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## dedhart (Aug 15, 2008)

Yeah it's not a word I find myself using very often. I mean we often reffer to women as BBW rather than FW. I mean if I just came up to you and commented on how fat you look, you'd probably either be insulted, or just plain creeped out. If I were to refer to a woman as fat I'd have to know she is comfortable with her own body and also know that she knows I mean it to be complementary, and not as an insult. Of course if a woman is comfortable enough to talk about her fat I certainly wouldn't try to correct her with colorful euphamisms, unless I just felt she was being too critical of herself, like so many girls who are like "OMG, I'm so fat!!!" and to me I'm thinking "puh-lease, your barely chubby" but yeah, when in doubt it's a word I try not to use, don't want to risk cracking eggshells.


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## bellywatcher (Aug 16, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> Did I mention that I hate when random creeps from the internet call me fat? Oh..that too. :]



So I'm a random creep from the internet?! I thought you liked being called fat... What do you expect to be called by people from the internet that don't know you? Thin?!!


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## JayInBuff (Aug 16, 2008)

I don't avoid the word but I also use the alternatives. Like T_Devil it's the girl I admire and fat is a descriptive. However, if I'm talking with someone that doesn't know my preference, I'll usually say something like "l like bigger girls". I also try to avoid the word if it could be taken as a negative.


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## Happenstance (Aug 16, 2008)

bellywatcher said:


> So I'm a random creep from the internet?! I thought you liked being called fat... What do you expect to be called by people from the internet that don't know you? Thin?!!



Why call her anything? Calling people things is one of the main sources of discrimination.


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## waldo (Aug 16, 2008)

CurvyEm said:


> I've been around this place for all of my adult life (and most of my teen life) and I've come across many different types of people who are into fat.
> 
> A common theme I find recurring is that a lot of FA don't/won't use the word fat. In my time I've been told I'm not fat I'm; juicy, fluffy, chubby, big, plus sized, curvy ect. Also, when I've said 'Actually I'm fat' I've been told not to 'put myself down by refering to myself that way'.
> 
> ...




Reluctance to use the term fat may be indicative of the FA's lack of comfort with his own sexuality, as in it isn't 'as bad' to be into chunky women as FAT women. Also, some FAs may reserve the term fat for the larger women so if you are a smaller BBW they just consider you chunky/chubby, not truly fat.

In the case of using the term around those who are not into fat acceptance, this is too fraught with potential for misintepretation. If I refer to my wife as fat around casual acquaintances or coworkers, I may be perceived as an insensitive ass. I tend to use the word heavy in this case since it is similarly descriptive as fat but I don't feel carries the same level of stigma.


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## Jon Blaze (Aug 16, 2008)

I decided when the Dr. Keith Ablow show that my use of the that term in regards to a person is subjective. Fat/Size Acceptance/Admiration are making leaps and bounds, but even if the world suddenly did a flip-flop (Or everything got somewhere in the middle i.e. thin and fat together in ads, commercials, swimsuits *Whistles* , basically all the media and messages we get were at least somewhat positive), I can't know what type of body image a person has, nor can I know which way they go with it. 

I've met a lot of women that I might consider fat or not, and my notions don't align with their notions about who they are. I never really got caught up in a huge mess about it, but I knew I didn't want to risk it ever reaching that level. Therefore, I ask one what there perception of the term is before I just say yes or no. That's just how it goes with me. I don't avoid the term fat: I just don't know what it means to everyone.


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## alison.victoria (Aug 16, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> Did I mention that I hate when random creeps from the internet call me fat? Oh..that too. :]



Okay good, I'm not the only one weirded out by that.


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## alison.victoria (Aug 16, 2008)

bellywatcher said:


> So I'm a random creep from the internet?! I thought you liked being called fat... What do you expect to be called by people from the internet that don't know you? Thin?!!



I apologize for speaking for thatgirl in her place, but since you just randomly called me fat too without any provocation...

I never said I liked it. I said I preferred it because I think that "curvy, voluptuous, fluffy," etc., sound stupid and like someone's dancing around the point so they don't hurt my feelings. I DO get offended, however, when people who have NOTHING to do with the conversation or just decide to pipe up and call me fat, like you did. Your opinion was not asked for.


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## olwen (Aug 16, 2008)

I like the word "Fat," and I use it sometimes to describe myself. If I am in the company of someone who gets offended by it, I explain that it's not offensive to me and that fat folks should embrace the word the way homosexuals have embraced the word queer. I think the only other words I've used are "big", "large", and "fatty." Tho I admit, the first time hearing the word fatty applied to me was less than welcoming, but I've since learned to accept it and use it as a term of endearment, but other euphemisms actually make me uncomfortable. I'd just rather hear the word "fat."


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## bellywatcher (Aug 16, 2008)

alison.victoria said:


> I apologize for speaking for thatgirl in her place, but since you just randomly called me fat too without any provocation...
> 
> I never said I liked it. I said I preferred it because I think that "curvy, voluptuous, fluffy," etc., sound stupid and like someone's dancing around the point so they don't hurt my feelings. I DO get offended, however, when people who have NOTHING to do with the conversation or just decide to pipe up and call me fat, like you did. Your opinion was not asked for.



This is hilarious! Here we all having a conversation about not tip toeing around calling fat women fat. I come straight out and say it and I offend those same people! I was just being obtuse really to see if it rattled anyone, and it did. You are bang on - of course my opinion wasn't asked for. However this is an internet discussion forum... the idea being people post stuff and discuss it!

Fat is a negative word for most people and society in general. It's only the FA world that embrace it, and even as I've demonstrated it's still very easy to get under someones skin - compare these two statements:
"I think you have great curves" vs "I think you are really fat". There is no contest really.... calling someone fat that you don't know just doesn't sound nice! Now lets all chill out, grab a bar of chocolate and enjoy fatness.


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## bellywatcher (Aug 16, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> See this? My biggest bug bear!! People who say I am not fat because they think its what I want to hear!! To me its like someone saying I am not tall!
> I can see how the word fat is offensive, to people who are maybe like 10llbs "overweight" but to me its stating the bloody obvious.
> 
> I get people that hate that I call myself fat, it frustrates me. Surely its my choice how I feel comfortable referring to myself? Even my cutie, who loves my body and prefers fat girls, rarely calls me fat. He calls me curvy. Its not that I mind other words for fat. I like being called fluffy or voluptuous, its cute and theyre just alternative words, but only providing the person is also happy to call me FAT!!



I'm very happy to call you fat. Maybe very fat in fact?


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## bellywatcher (Aug 16, 2008)

CurvyEm said:


> I've been around this place for all of my adult life (and most of my teen life) and I've come across many different types of people who are into fat.
> 
> A common theme I find recurring is that a lot of FA don't/won't use the word fat. In my time I've been told I'm not fat I'm; juicy, fluffy, chubby, big, plus sized, curvy ect. Also, when I've said 'Actually I'm fat' I've been told not to 'put myself down by refering to myself that way'.
> 
> ...



My thoughts are that you are fat Em.


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## bexy (Aug 16, 2008)

bellywatcher said:


> I'm very happy to call you fat. Maybe very fat in fact?



have you seen pics of me? if so, great. as fat is what i am. if you havent seen pics of me, look at them, then call me fat 

i honestly dont give a damn if i get called fat. by anyone. stranger or not. what i dont like is when someone tags another word onto the end like calling me a fat cow or a fat pig. fat i am, an animal i am not. 

i think the thing here is though bellywatcher, you are fairly new to the boards and we dont know you and are not sure how to take these comments as whilst we think the word fat is positive, there are those that think it negative, and no one likes the idea of having the piss taken outta them.


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## Waxwing (Aug 16, 2008)

I think that people may be reluctant to use the term if they've not been exposed to it in a positive light. Before I joined Dims I only knew the word "fat" as a pejorative one. Now I use it either as a neutral description or as praise. That's a huge change from a lifetime of thinking that it could only be an insult. 

Example of positive use: Bexy, who is fat, is my secret girlfriend. 

Every time we use it positively, it helps change the connotations.


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## bexy (Aug 16, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> I think that people may be reluctant to use the term if they've not been exposed to it in a positive light. Before I joined Dims I only knew the word "fat" as a pejorative one. Now I use it either as a neutral description or as praise. That's a huge change from a lifetime of thinking that it could only be an insult.
> 
> Example of positive use: Bexy, who is fat, is my secret girlfriend.
> 
> Every time we use it positively, it helps change the connotations.



Well, its not a secret anymore!!!


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## bellywatcher (Aug 16, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> have you seen pics of me? if so, great. as fat is what i am. if you havent seen pics of me, look at them, then call me fat
> 
> i honestly dont give a damn if i get called fat. by anyone. stranger or not. what i dont like is when someone tags another word onto the end like calling me a fat cow or a fat pig. fat i am, an animal i am not.
> 
> i think the thing here is though bellywatcher, you are new to the boards and we dont know you and are not sure how to take these comments as whilst we think the word fat is positive, there are those that think it negative, and no one likes the idea of having the piss taken outta them.



I wouldn't call someone a fat *insert animate or inanimate object*. As you say it has too many negative conotations. I'm not new - I just never post normally. 

However, this thread made me laugh so much, because as you say being called fat is fine if you know the person (or at least know they mean it in a positive way). I just wanted to make the point that people who claim to 'like' or 'not mind' being called fat actually still feel uncomfortable with it when its someone they don't know. I think the reactions I've had illustrate this. Classic!


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## bexy (Aug 16, 2008)

bellywatcher said:


> I wouldn't call someone a fat *insert animate or inanimate object*. As you say it has too many negative conotations. I'm not new - I just never post normally.
> 
> However, this thread made me laugh so much, because as you say being called fat is fine if you know the person (or at least know they mean it in a positive way). I just wanted to make the point that people who claim to 'like' or 'not mind' being called fat actually still feel uncomfortable with it when its someone they don't know. I think the reactions I've had illustrate this. Classic!



i dont feel uncomfortable!! i dont mind! im just explaining why other posters may feel it. as they dont know you, they dont know how you mean it. to some people fat is used as an insult, and if they dont know better its easy to assume the worst.
i dont care if you call me fat. im tall. i have red hair. i am fat. its all descriptive to me.


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## supersoup (Aug 16, 2008)

oh man, i've totally reclaimed the word fat in my world. even at work, i've got people totally comfortable with it. just the other day, i found an address book at work to buy with cupcakes on it, and excitedly, showed the girl in the department what i found. she's like "awesome, it's a fat girl book!!", had a slight look of horror on her face, then relaxed when i cracked up. it's all about what it is to you, and to me, it's a pretty damn accurate descriptor of my physical state. 

oh man. less than two weeks til the fatties take burlington!!


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## bellywatcher (Aug 16, 2008)

bexylicious said:


> i dont feel uncomfortable!! i dont mind! im just explaining why other posters may feel it. as they dont know you, they dont know how you mean it. to some people fat is used as an insult, and if they dont know better its easy to assume the worst.
> i dont care if you call me fat. im tall. i have red hair. i am fat. its all descriptive to me.



I think maybe you detected my wry Brtish dryness a little better than some of the American girls....but I'm pleased to hear you don't have a problem with being called fat. If you did then I'm sure you'd have done something about it after all. Good for you - few people are as comfortable with themselves as you are.


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## bexy (Aug 16, 2008)

bellywatcher said:


> I think maybe you detected my wry Brtish dryness a little better than some of the American girls....but I'm pleased to hear you don't have a problem with being called fat. If you did then I'm sure you'd have done something about it after all. Good for you - few people are as comfortable with themselves as you are.



its cos im originally a scouser...say no more lol!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 16, 2008)

Waxwing said:


> I think that people may be reluctant to use the term if they've not been exposed to it in a positive light. Before I joined Dims I only knew the word "fat" as a pejorative one. Now I use it either as a neutral description or as praise. That's a huge change from a lifetime of thinking that it could only be an insult.
> 
> Example of positive use: Bexy, who is fat, is my secret girlfriend.
> 
> Every time we use it positively, it helps change the connotations.



That sums it up for me, too. Now it's just a descriptor...and I don't feel like I have "failed" or something is terribly wrong with me to now be referred to as fat. I am.....and?

However, knowing how I USED to feel about ..... and realizing that other big people might STILL feel that way, I am careful how I toss that word around in reality. Not everyone is in the same place that I am now......and I don't want to make anyone feel like I have insulted them....because that is how it could be easily taken.


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## exile in thighville (Aug 16, 2008)

it is as essential that FAs or anyone else use the word "fat" as it is that people referring to homosexuals say "gay." reverse the world's insecure character flaw: fat is independent of good or bad, it means what it means. and the sooner people accept that, the sooner we can attach alternative (re: positive) connotations to it en masse.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 17, 2008)

bellywatcher said:


> So I'm a random creep from the internet?! I thought you liked being called fat... What do you expect to be called by people from the internet that don't know you? Thin?!!



How about nothing at all? It was just such an unnecessary comment - you weren't even responding to the thread at all, just deciding to randomly quote me and call me fat..do you know me? Just wondering. Oh wait, no, you don't. There's a difference between an FA that I actually know calling me fat and some random person who I've never talked to before and has probably never even seen a picture of me stating that I am "very fat."



alison.victoria said:


> I apologize for speaking for thatgirl in her place, but since you just randomly called me fat too without any provocation...
> 
> I never said I liked it. I said I preferred it because I think that "curvy, voluptuous, fluffy," etc., sound stupid and like someone's dancing around the point so they don't hurt my feelings. *I DO get offended, however, when people who have NOTHING to do with the conversation or just decide to pipe up and call me fat, like you did. Your opinion was not asked for.*



Bolded statement - basically what I was trying to say! Thanks Alison:]


Oh, and I just want to add that I also prefer "big" or "bigger" over words like voluptous, fluffly, queen-sized, etc.


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## bmann0413 (Aug 17, 2008)

I have a bit of trouble with the "F" word, because ever since I was little, I was told not to call anyone fat...


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## olwen (Aug 17, 2008)

You know, it really irks me that this word is so loaded. It's ridiculous. It's okay to use it only if you know people will be comfortable with it...eff that. We should all take a vow to just say we are fat around other people and either explain why it's not a bad word or just tell them to stuff it if they object.


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## alison.victoria (Aug 17, 2008)

bmann0413 said:


> I have a bit of trouble with the "F" word, because ever since I was little, I was told not to call anyone fat...



I hesitate to call others fat, unless I know for sure they're alright with it. My cousins and my sisters and I can joke about it because we're comfortable with it, but I wouldn't dream of just going up to someone and telling them they're fat. LOL. 

I also hesitate to call myself fat around other fat people, because I feel like I'd offend them... If that makes any sense.


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## Emma (Aug 18, 2008)

bellywatcher said:


> I wouldn't call someone a fat *insert animate or inanimate object*. As you say it has too many negative conotations. I'm not new - I just never post normally.
> 
> However, this thread made me laugh so much, because as you say being called fat is fine if you know the person (or at least know they mean it in a positive way). I just wanted to make the point that people who claim to 'like' or 'not mind' being called fat actually still feel uncomfortable with it when its someone they don't know. I think the reactions I've had illustrate this. Classic!



To be honest it came across more like you were fapping away and calling people fat. 

I see now that that is not what you were doing, but it still came across as creepy at the time.


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## Canadian (Aug 20, 2008)

I avoid it.

You have to remember that the average girl who posts on here is not the average "fat girl" in the real world. A lot of girls are not comfortable with the word, and a lot of girls have pretty shaky self-confidence to begin with.

The last thing a girl needs is for me to start throwing hatchets at their confidence by calling them something they are not comfortable with, and probably holds negative connotations for them.
I don't see how that would help anything.

If I knew a girl was okay with it, cool. 
But if I don't know that, she's certainly not going to hear it from me.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Aug 20, 2008)

DING DING DING!!! This one is a winner!! RIGHT ON THE MONEY!!!

THANK YOU for getting it... at least as far as *I* am concerned. 

 :happy: :wubu:




Canadian said:


> I avoid it.
> 
> You have to remember that the average girl who posts on here is not the average "fat girl" in the real world. A lot of girls are not comfortable with the word, and a lot of girls have pretty shaky self-confidence to begin with.
> 
> ...


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## Poncedeleon (Aug 20, 2008)

I don't really comment on anyone's body unless I know them well or they ask me to, so the word fat doesn't come up very often. If I call someone fat it's because I know them well enough to know that they won't be offended by it.


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## disconnectedsmile (Aug 20, 2008)

olwen said:


> You know, it really irks me that this word is so loaded. It's ridiculous. It's okay to use it only if you know people will be comfortable with it...eff that. We should all take a vow to just say we are fat around other people and either explain why it's not a bad word or just tell them to stuff it if they object.


i can't applaud you enough.
i thank you for speaking up and out, because you are absolutely right.  :happy:


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## mossystate (Aug 20, 2008)

Canadian said:


> I avoid it.
> 
> You have to remember that the average girl who posts on here is not the average "fat girl" in the real world. A lot of girls are not comfortable with the word, and a lot of girls have pretty shaky self-confidence to begin with.
> 
> ...




So, I am trying to imagine the conversation where you would be describing a womans body...to her. I mean, if she asks " am I fat? ", do you use some of other word? Do you lie? I think answering honestly would be the way to go...to use the word. You might think that would be throwing hatchets, but, trust me, most women who are fat know it and being coy with words can also really fuck with a persons esteem. She might hate the word fat, but she also might despise that you are being what she might think is patronizing, like, " I know I am fat, but you refuse to use the word, even though I hate it. It must be a really bad thing to be if you won't even use a simple descriptive word ". If it is done in a very matter of fact manner...eh...it's gotta be done at some point..ya know?

Trust me, there is more than one way to fuck with a persons confidence...sooooo..in this situation...be honest..and stress that fat is a valid word with absolutely no negative energy. While the basic idea of wanting to protect a person is very nice...at the end of the day, you are not abusing them and you are actually showing them...and you...that you value the both of you....lots of you's there...heh.

I don't see how this situation would come up that often, at least not in terms of a one on one situation with someone you are dating.


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## Shosh (Aug 20, 2008)

Canadian said:


> I avoid it.
> 
> You have to remember that the average girl who posts on here is not the average "fat girl" in the real world. A lot of girls are not comfortable with the word, and a lot of girls have pretty shaky self-confidence to begin with.
> 
> ...



I agree. I think it is not necessary to use that word. I think that some women's confidence is not rock solid in this regard, and that being sensitive to that is important.
If a women likes being called that ok, If not it is probably best to avoid it and focus on other positive terms.


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## missy_blue_eyez (Aug 20, 2008)

CurvyEm said:


> I've been around this place for all of my adult life (and most of my teen life) and I've come across many different types of people who are into fat.
> 
> A common theme I find recurring is that a lot of FA don't/won't use the word fat. In my time I've been told I'm not fat I'm; juicy, fluffy, chubby, big, plus sized, curvy ect. Also, when I've said 'Actually I'm fat' I've been told not to 'put myself down by refering to myself that way'.
> 
> ...


Oh my god! COULD.NOT.HAVE.SAID.IT.BETTER.MYSELF!!!! I hate that, when you say "yeh Im fat" and they're like "awwww dont say that no your not, dont be hard on yourself" and im like "wtf, im fat. Im happy that way!" lol


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 20, 2008)

Susannah said:


> I agree. I think it is not necessary to use that word. I think that some women's confidence is not rock solid in this regard, and that being sensitive to that is important.
> If a women likes being called that ok, If not it is probably best to avoid it and focus on other positive terms.



Yeah, I agree. Before Dims, I wouldn't like some guy some blurting out how "fat" I am...... no matter what I weigh. 

I still wouldn't like a stranger to do it now--- unless I said it's okay. It's only "acceptable" to me in the form of Dims people because I KNOW how the rest of the world sees it. It is best to tread softly.....there are plenty of words....words with nicer uses...that can be used instead. 
And I realize that if a person chooses to use those other words instead, they are trying to be conscious of my feelings......anyone else could be seen as a jerk. 
Just how I could see it........and anyone else for that matter.


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## mossystate (Aug 20, 2008)

Wouldn't a person who feels a need to blurt out.." gee, you are fat ", be just a creepy person? I suppose I do not get how people are experiencing this. If someone says " gee, you are skinny "..that also sounds like a garden variety asshat. Again, I guess I don't run into the kind of people who go around blurting out stuff like this. Is it a regional thing?


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## Shosh (Aug 20, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Yeah, I agree. Before Dims, I wouldn't like some guy some blurting out how "fat" I am...... no matter what I weigh.
> 
> I still wouldn't like a stranger to do it now--- unless I said it's okay. It's only "acceptable" to me in the form of Dims people because I KNOW how the rest of the world sees it. It is best to tread softly.....there are plenty of words....words with nicer uses...that can be used instead.
> And I realize that if a person chooses to use those other words instead, they are trying to be conscious of my feelings......anyone else could be seen as a jerk.
> Just how I could see it........and anyone else for that matter.



Agreed and agreed.

All the times I have been called fat it has been as a put down or a flat out term of abuse by a stranger, so I personally do not have a lot of affection for it.
However if a friend and I were laughing and having a joke and the term was used it would be acceptable. Same goes for Dims people, as you said.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 20, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Wouldn't a person who feels a need to blurt out.." gee, you are fat ", be just a creepy person? I suppose I do not get how people are experiencing this. If someone says " gee, you are skinny "..that also sounds like a garden variety asshat. Again, I guess I don't run into the kind of people who go around blurting out stuff like this. Is it a regional thing?



It must be a regional thing.......because it's happened to me......and others...more than once 

Oh, and a man I am dating, one that is obviously trying to do the deed with me, describing my body as anything other than "sexy", "smoking hot", "stunning" or "beautiful" would be in the doghouse anyway


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## Happenstance (Aug 20, 2008)

mossystate said:


> So, I am trying to imagine the conversation where you would be describing a womans body...to her. I mean, if she asks " am I fat? ", do you use some of other word? Do you lie?



I'm trying to imagine the conversation where the woman asks if she is fat. Haven't they realized by now that is the most trapping question they can ask someone who is attracted to them? Outside the context of Dimensions, that is.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Aug 20, 2008)

I'm totally with you on this one Shosh....



Susannah said:


> I agree. I think it is not necessary to use that word. I think that some women's confidence is not rock solid in this regard, and that being sensitive to that is important.
> If a women likes being called that ok, If not it is probably best to avoid it and focus on other positive terms.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Aug 20, 2008)

I totally agree.... 




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Yeah, I agree. Before Dims, I wouldn't like some guy some blurting out how "fat" I am...... no matter what I weigh.
> 
> I still wouldn't like a stranger to do it now--- unless I said it's okay. It's only "acceptable" to me in the form of Dims people because I KNOW how the rest of the world sees it. It is best to tread softly.....there are plenty of words....words with nicer uses...that can be used instead.
> And I realize that if a person chooses to use those other words instead, they are trying to be conscious of my feelings......anyone else could be seen as a jerk.
> Just how I could see it........and anyone else for that matter.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Aug 20, 2008)

Yes yes yes.... totally



Susannah said:


> Agreed and agreed.
> 
> All the times I have been called fat it has been as a put down or a flat out term of abuse by a stranger, so I personally do not have a lot of affection for it.
> However if a friend and I were laughing and having a joke and the term was used it would be acceptable. Same goes for Dims people, as you said.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Aug 20, 2008)

I was thinking that too... I would never say "am I fat?" I just wouldn't. No need to embarass yourself as well as the man you're with!




Happenstance said:


> I'm trying to imagine the conversation where the woman asks if she is fat. Haven't they realized by now that is the most trapping question they can ask someone who is attracted to them? Outside the context of Dimensions, that is.


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## olwen (Aug 20, 2008)

As I read the rest of the responses in this thread I couldn't help but to think of the word "******". I'm starting to see how similarly powerful both these words are and I don't like it. 

The history of the word "******" is long and sordid, I need not explain why it might make some of us uncomfortable to hear it. It goes without saying that if you are black and you use it among other blacks even in a benign way that some would cringe and others would think nothing of it. I'd never let someone who isn't black refer to me as a ******, but I'd allow some leeway for people I know because I know it would be used in a benign way as in "niggah please," or "check out this niggah ovah here." However, as benign as this usage may be, this word will never be generally acceptable in the world at large obviously. The only thing blacks can do with this word is debate whether or not we should ban it outright or find a way to embrace it and it seems to me that both options are unnacceptable somehow, and so we live with it and life goes on.

But the word "fat"....why are we giving it so much power to hurt us? Why? Why make it okay to hear it from some but not from others, especially when there are worse words to use to describe us? A doctor (or any supposed authority figure) who uses the word "obese" or "overweight" infuses the word with negative connotations before it's even uttered - always, yet we seem to worry more about the use of the word "fat." There's something wrong with that. 

The only way to overcome one's personal history with the word fat, if it has been negative, is to start using it in a positive way. It is still possible for the word "fat" to cease to be dangerous. Not so for "******", and yet....


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## shygirl (Aug 20, 2008)

Yeah, I'm fat. Fat fat fat fat FAT.


It's just a word to me.


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## Canadian (Aug 21, 2008)

mossystate said:


> So, I am trying to imagine the conversation where you would be describing a womans body...to her. I mean, if she asks " am I fat? ", do you use some of other word? Do you lie? I think answering honestly would be the way to go...to use the word. You might think that would be throwing hatchets, but, trust me, most women who are fat know it and being coy with words can also really fuck with a persons esteem. She might hate the word fat, but she also might despise that you are being what she might think is patronizing, like, " I know I am fat, but you refuse to use the word, even though I hate it. It must be a really bad thing to be if you won't even use a simple descriptive word ". If it is done in a very matter of fact manner...eh...it's gotta be done at some point..ya know?
> 
> Trust me, there is more than one way to fuck with a persons confidence...sooooo..in this situation...be honest..and stress that fat is a valid word with absolutely no negative energy. While the basic idea of wanting to protect a person is very nice...at the end of the day, you are not abusing them and you are actually showing them...and you...that you value the both of you....lots of you's there...heh.
> 
> I don't see how this situation would come up that often, at least not in terms of a one on one situation with someone you are dating.


I'll give you a situation that has come up several times. I'm intimate with a girl for the first time. Maybe she's a big girl, maybe she's just a little bigger than average. I tell her I think she's very attractive. She rejects the compliment.

At this point, I could say:

a)No, I really do think you are attractive, I have a thing for fat girls.

b)No, I really do think you are attractive. I have a thing for girls with a lot of curves. Trust me, I think you're fackin' ridiculously hot. You're exactly my type.

One of those options is going to make a lot of girls feel very uncomfortable, while the other is pretty much guaranteed to go over well. 
I'll play it safe and just take the points on the board, thanks.


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## kayrae (Aug 21, 2008)

Well said.



Canadian said:


> One of those options is going to make a lot of girls feel very uncomfortable, while the other is pretty much guaranteed to go over well.
> I'll play it safe and just take the points on the board, thanks.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Aug 21, 2008)

EXACTLY!!! Seriously... this is so true. 

We can't all assume that EVERYONE is okay with the word FAT. Some people are, some people are not. We can't condemn the people that are not. It's how they feel!! People are allowed to feel how they want! If they don't like the word, then... they don't!! Simple as that. 

To me... better to play the situation safely, until you know the person's feelings on the word. As Canadian has shown here. 

FYI: I HATE the word FAT. HATE IT. Regardless of what everyone says, it has a negative connotation, and will for a long, long time. It's unfortunate, but it's a fact. You are all right, it's just a word, but it is what it is. Do I have people that use it with me? Yes. I tolerate it. Period. It doesn't mean that I have to love it. If someone else chooses to love it, more power to you. It's my CHOICE not to. 




Canadian said:


> I'll give you a situation that has come up several times. I'm intimate with a girl for the first time. Maybe she's a big girl, maybe she's just a little bigger than average. I tell her I think she's very attractive. She rejects the compliment.
> 
> At this point, I could say:
> 
> ...


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2008)

erm..well i think that for the enlightened dimmers the word "fat" has been reclaimed to some degree..though even the reclaimation has guidelines it seems.."its ok to call me fat when" "its ok for so an so to call me fat"..
i would NEVER call my girlfriend fat! Because she hasnt reclaimed the word and its still really negative to her..though i would never patronise her by saying "aww your not fat" when shes moaning about how fat she is..
i think the closest ive come to trying to instill some positivity into the word fat is when she says things like "i'm so fat" and i reply "fat and hot.. yup..totally" .. i'm hoping that someday the words fat and hot will become sunonomous to her.. but i'm not holding my breath..
right.. its just a word. But words are powerful and have the power to hurt people and make them sad.. so if people are uncomfortable with the word fat then i dont see why we need to force it down thier throats..
"i shall describe you as fat whether you like it or not!!".. its just mental really.. 
i dont really see how you would need to anyway..
i think the only time i would say someone is fat is if someone asks me to describe someone and i might say .."oh she is the fat chick with the one tooth" or "oh hes the kinna fat guy who wears the monocle" etc..
aye...


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2008)

aye.. and whats wrong with "curvy" ??!! i like that word..
i also LOVE "vuluptuous".. its possibly my favorite word..its so plump and juicy sounding and onomatapoyic or however thats spelled.


meeeer


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## tjw1971 (Aug 21, 2008)

I think the "long term solution" is the same, for both words, too. Until the vast majority of people reach a point where they won't let the word affect them in a negative/reactionary way, it will continue to have "power" artificially prescribed to it.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I got the idea that blacks using "******" to refer to each other was part of the whole attempt to strip the word of its "power" and ability to offend? Seems like a good strategy too, *except* it won't fully succeed until they're just as willing to shrug off being called the same word by another race.

This is much like the "curse words" in our language. There was a time, not THAT long ago, where uttering "damn" or saying "Oh hell!" was considered a really "bad" thing. You certainly wouldn't consider using such language on the public airwaves (radio or TV). Since then, the popular use of the words has chipped away at their ability to offend or shock ... and now, you'll hear them used in the media on a fairly regular basis. We have other "swear words" we seem to hold as being "more offensive" than those two (likely because those 2 have more religious connotations than the rest of them, and on the whole, our society is a little less governed by our religion?). But this shows how language evolves over time.....




olwen said:


> As I read the rest of the responses in this thread I couldn't help but to think of the word "******". I'm starting to see how similarly powerful both these words are and I don't like it.
> 
> The history of the word "******" is long and sordid, I need not explain why it might make some of us uncomfortable to hear it. It goes without saying that if you are black and you use it among other blacks even in a benign way that some would cringe and others would think nothing of it. I'd never let someone who isn't black refer to me as a ******, but I'd allow some leeway for people I know because I know it would be used in a benign way as in "niggah please," or "check out this niggah ovah here." However, as benign as this usage may be, this word will never be generally acceptable in the world at large obviously. The only thing blacks can do with this word is debate whether or not we should ban it outright or find a way to embrace it and it seems to me that both options are unnacceptable somehow, and so we live with it and life goes on.
> 
> ...


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## Tad (Aug 21, 2008)

mergirl said:


> i also LOVE "*vuluptuous*".. its possibly my favorite word..its so plump and juicy sounding and onomatapoyic or however thats spelled.



It even looks curvy


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2008)

hmm.. like "cunt"! iove that word.. but i said it to someone the other day and they put thier fingers in thier ears and started going "lalalalalala"!!??
now thats one powerful word!
much better than "vagina" which is latin for sword sheath..
or "pussy" which sounds porny..
or all the other words that sound like fluffy bunnies.. 
anyway i digress..
although..i did hear someone being called a "fat cunt" the other day..!


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2008)

edx said:


> It even looks curvy


i know!! its fab!! what a beautiful word! erm i actually didnt mean the word "cunt"looked curvy...i ment it was powerful.. but i posted just a wee bit too late..
a voluptous cunt! fab!
erm "lalalalalalala"


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## Tad (Aug 21, 2008)

I vaguely recall my wife reading to me from some novel....I think it might have been Lady Chatterly's Lover, but I'm not sure, with someone railing against the suppresion of 'good, natural, clear anglo-saxon words for bodily things' and their replacement with latin or greek euphamisms. It is weird the decisions we make, as a whole people.


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## mossystate (Aug 21, 2008)

I would not ' force ' the word down a persons throat...I will also not trip all over myself to not use the word and feel like an ogre if the word passes my lips. If someone who is fat were to ask if they are fat ..and I know they don't like the word..I am going to use it, and say it with other words..and a smile ...and my eyes filled with the positive. If they got really upset, then I would not use the word..but..I would also not continue the conversation. If I am with a person who does not like the word and for whatever reason the conversation turns to ' weighty matters '...it is as much their responsibility to know how _I_ am and not get into such conversations if they cannot tolerate The Word.

I get that there is personal pain, and it pains me that people have been beaten over the head with these potent four letters. I just know how I communicate with a person who is upset..and I know how I handle myself. I think there might be an image of all the ' pro ' camp yelling in a persons face...FATFATFATFAT...take THAT. There seems to be a misunderstanding .


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## Redhotphatgirl (Aug 21, 2008)

I often find that word hard to accept for other people. I personally took back the word FAT years ago. Hey guess what? I am FAT. If you look at me you can definate see that I am FAT. Sheep are fluffy clouds are fluffy, I am FAT.

Now I find if I use this term around the girls they often come to embrace the word fat and they seem to grow in self esteem. FAT is just a word. Only words that you let hurt you hurt you. 

I too just say things like you did not just tell me I am fat? Then I say things like damn I never knew that thank you for sharing. If you become more self assured in your own fatness then its harder for dumb people to hurt you.

Some thing I have known for years is a less self assured fat woman can be your worst enemy someone who has not reached the level within themselves to be comfortable with their own bodies as you are.

So next time just say No Shit if some one uses the fat word wrong then say boy aint it nice I love it. It will skrew them up royally.

My two rubles REDhottie


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## Violet_Beauregard (Aug 21, 2008)

CURVY PLUMP AND DELICIOUS...... I'll take those words any day... and twice on Sunday.... 





mergirl said:


> aye.. and whats wrong with "curvy" ??!! i like that word..
> i also LOVE "vuluptuous".. its possibly my favorite word..its so plump and juicy sounding and onomatapoyic or however thats spelled.
> 
> 
> meeeer


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## missy_blue_eyez (Aug 21, 2008)

mergirl said:


> aye.. and whats wrong with "curvy" ??!! i like that word..
> i also LOVE "vuluptuous".. its possibly my favorite word..its so plump and juicy sounding and onomatapoyic or however thats spelled.
> 
> 
> meeeer


I gotta agree lovely, *voluptuous* is probably one of my favourite words, it makes me feel quite sexy.


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2008)

Violet_Beauregard said:


> CURVY PLUMP AND DELICIOUS...... I'll take those words any day... and twice on Sunday....


indeeeeed!!


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2008)

missy_blue_eyez said:


> I gotta agree lovely, *voluptuous* is probably one of my favourite words, it makes me feel quite sexy.


indeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!!!


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## elle camino (Aug 21, 2008)

curvy/voluptuous/other fat-euphemisms just irk the crap out of me, i'm sorry. like others have said, to me they're just tacit admissions that there's something fundamentally wrong with being fat. 
and ladies, believe me i know just as well as the next fat girl what it's like to be on the receiving end of that word when it's meant in a derogatory way. i _know_ how much it sucks. but you can either spend your life prickling at the sound of it and trying to avoid it at all costs (your choice, but...impossible), or you can start reclaiming it for yourself and the rest of us. assholes will always be assholes and they're always going to have something shitty to say, but i don't see why we should allow them to dictate the entire meaning of a perfectly succinct, useful adjective.

for the FAs: i can see how this would be a minefield. my best advice is just to kick back and wait to see if the girl uses it or not. groundbreaking, i know.


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2008)

elle camino said:


> curvy/voluptuous/other fat-euphemisms just irk the crap out of me, i'm sorry. like others have said, to me they're just tacit admissions that there's something fundamentally wrong with being fat.
> and ladies, believe me i know just as well as the next fat girl what it's like to be on the receiving end of that word when it's meant in a derogatory way. i _know_ how much it sucks. but you can either spend your life prickling at the sound of it and trying to avoid it at all costs (your choice, but...impossible), or you can start reclaiming it for yourself and the rest of us. assholes will always be assholes and they're always going to have something shitty to say, but i don't see why we should allow them to dictate the entire meaning of a perfectly succinct, useful adjective.
> 
> for the FAs: i can see how this would be a minefield. my best advice is just to kick back and wait to see if the girl uses it or not. groundbreaking, i know.


voluptous and curvy arnt euphamisms for fat they are just other words to describe being fat. 
i think it is more accurate to describe a human as curvy or voluptous than it is to describe them as "fat" because "fat" is a substance whereas vulouptous describes thier constitution and curvy describes thier contours..
calling someone "fat" is akin to calling someone thin "bone"!
The beauty of the english language is that we get to choose between various adjectives and use the ones that we like the best or that best describe what we want to put across.


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2008)

mergirl said:


> voluptous and curvy arnt euphamisms for fat they are just other words to describe being fat.
> i think it is more accurate to describe a human as curvy or voluptous than it is to describe them as "fat" because "fat" is a substance whereas vulouptous describes thier constitution and curvy describes thier contours..
> calling someone "fat" is akin to calling someone thin "bone"!
> The beauty of the english language is that we get to choose between various adjectives and use the ones that we like the best or that best describe what we want to put across.


voluptuous
juicy: having strong sexual appeal, suggestive of full, generous, pleasurable vision or sensation; curvaceous, sexy; full-figured .

Fat
having an (over)abundance of flesh
a soft greasy substance occurring in organic tissue and consisting of a mixture of lipids (mostly triglycerides)
having a relatively large diameter.

I know for sure which definition i relate to more in regards to my sexy gf.. 
i'm not scared of the word "fat" i just think that the word "voluptous" is more beautiful on the lips and is more descriptive..
i know that my gf would much prefer i tell her that i love how deliciously voluptous she is than if i told her i loved how fat she was.. 
voluptous is a deeply sung word and fat sounds flat and kinna ugly sounding ..Especially in a scottish accent!!
i dont get that people would prefer the latter..but then differnet strokes n all that..

mer


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## elle camino (Aug 21, 2008)

oy, of course everyone's free to choose which words they'll use and enjoy and all that. ffs. 
it's a thread about the word 'fat', and that's how i feel about the word 'fat'. i think it's just as (if not more) eloquent and lovely as voluptuous or curvy or whatever; with the added benefit of brevity, and doing your part to reclaim the word.


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2008)

elle camino said:


> oy, of course everyone's free to choose which words they'll use and enjoy and all that. ffs.
> it's a thread about the word 'fat', and that's how i feel about the word 'fat'. i think it's just as (if not more) eloquent and lovely as voluptuous or curvy or whatever; with the added benefit of brevity, and doing your part to reclaim the word.


Aye but the thred is about people getting pissed off when people use other words to describe thier bodies instead of just calling them fat. I dont see why anyone would get pissed off by being described as voluptous or curvy, i think they are fine words. 
i think its fair enough to want to use a word that has been used negativly to reclaim it though..
Fat Fat Fat!!! yeah yeah yeah!

xmer


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## elle camino (Aug 21, 2008)

mergirl said:


> I dont see why anyone would get pissed off by being described as voluptous or curvy, i think they are fine words.


ok well if you 'don't see why' anyone would mind the euphemisms, maybe read where others have _explained _why they mind them.


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## mergirl (Aug 21, 2008)

i did read where others "explained"..and i understand the concept of personal preference. i hope you afford me the same understanding. 
"i dont see why" infers my personal feelings on the matter. 
i also dont see why you put "dont see why" in quotation marks!!??
i can read and i understand these concepts btw.. this is my subjective and personal oppinion and no amount of snarky, highlighted, quotated comments will change that..
and again ..these are not euphamisms, meerly other describing words.


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## elle camino (Aug 21, 2008)

i put it in quotation marks because i was quoting you.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 21, 2008)

Canadian said:


> I'll give you a situation that has come up several times. I'm intimate with a girl for the first time. Maybe she's a big girl, maybe she's just a little bigger than average. I tell her I think she's very attractive. She rejects the compliment.
> 
> At this point, I could say:
> 
> ...



Lol, smart man. I haven't tried to woo any women in my time but can agree that option B is probably a keeper  
Option B...sounds more "personal" to me. "I like fat girls" could possibly come off sounding like a troll with a fetish.........yeah, the personal touch to make her feel pretty/wanted...that works for me (Yeah yeah, I'm easy and all that but fook.......you get my point  ) 



mergirl said:


> aye.. and whats wrong with "curvy" ??!! i like that word..
> i also LOVE "vuluptuous".. its possibly my favorite word..its so plump and juicy sounding and onomatapoyic or however thats spelled.
> 
> 
> meeeer






mergirl said:


> hmm.. like "cunt"! iove that word.. but i said it to someone the other day and they put thier fingers in thier ears and started going "lalalalalala"!!??
> now thats one powerful word!
> much better than "vagina" which is latin for sword sheath..
> or "pussy" which sounds porny..
> ...





mergirl said:


> voluptous and curvy arnt euphamisms for fat they are just other words to describe being fat.
> i think it is more accurate to describe a human as curvy or voluptous than it is to describe them as "fat" because "fat" is a substance whereas vulouptous describes thier constitution and curvy describes thier contours..
> calling someone "fat" is akin to calling someone thin "bone"!
> The beauty of the english language is that we get to choose between various adjectives and use the ones that we like the best or that best describe what we want to put across.




Indeed.....Mergirl.....you get it. Fat is just an adjective that can be quite generic, at best. Much as it can be hurtful/negative....peel all the negativity away and what do you have? 
You have the simple, bland, three letter word "fat". A word used to describe many things...... a fat head, a fat wallet, a fat pillow, a fat ass, a fat sandwich.....on and on and on.

Now voluptuous, curvaceous, rubenesque.......those words are special. They aren't used as nearly as often as the word fat....nor in so many ways.
They are long, flowing, frothy mouthfuls of delight to say. Womanly sounding words......at least in my mind because I think of a beautifully shaped women when I hear/say those words. To be subscribed in such a way.......and by a man that is showing a romantic/sexual interest in me.........oh my :happy: :batting:

And yeah, I am worth the extra effort of a sweeter sounding vocabulary.


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## Violet_Beauregard (Aug 21, 2008)

Have I mentioned... you are my heroine??? :batting: :wubu: :batting: :wubu: :batting:




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Lol, smart man. I haven't tried to woo any women in my time but can agree that option B is probably a keeper
> Option B...sounds more "personal" to me. "I like fat girls" could possibly come off sounding like a troll with a fetish.........yeah, the personal touch to make her feel pretty/wanted...that works for me (Yeah yeah, I'm easy and all that but fook.......you get my point  )
> 
> 
> ...


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## olwen (Aug 21, 2008)

tjw1971 said:


> I think the "long term solution" is the same, for both words, too. Until the vast majority of people reach a point where they won't let the word affect them in a negative/reactionary way, it will continue to have "power" artificially prescribed to it.
> 
> Maybe I'm wrong, but I got the idea that blacks using "******" to refer to each other was part of the whole attempt to strip the word of its "power" and ability to offend? Seems like a good strategy too, *except* it won't fully succeed until they're just as willing to shrug off being called the same word by another race.
> 
> This is much like the "curse words" in our language. There was a time, not THAT long ago, where uttering "damn" or saying "Oh hell!" was considered a really "bad" thing. You certainly wouldn't consider using such language on the public airwaves (radio or TV). Since then, the popular use of the words has chipped away at their ability to offend or shock ... and now, you'll hear them used in the media on a fairly regular basis. We have other "swear words" we seem to hold as being "more offensive" than those two (likely because those 2 have more religious connotations than the rest of them, and on the whole, our society is a little less governed by our religion?). But this shows how language evolves over time.....



Blacks using the word among ourselves could be seen as an attempt to strip the word of it's power, but the way some of these kids use it...I used to have no problem with the word at all, none. I couldn't have cared less, but now that I'm older and I hear the teenagers using it so frequently, I mean every other word that comes out of their mouths...I feel like they don't really understand the word's history, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but then I think about all the other ways this word has been used in the past and it makes me cringe, especially after my recent trip to the Freedom Center (a slavery museum) in Cincinnati. I left that place with tears in my eyes. There are some really grizzly things connected to that word: death, torture, starvation, rape, kidnapping, forced labor, ect and here we are only six or seven generations removed from that...not enough to forget. I can think of still more bad things: crime, bad grades, disrespectful behavior, gangs, guns...yeah, I do wonder that stuff about these kids who use the word so frequently and in such a cavalier way, and usually they are loud and boisterous and I can't wait till I can get away from them....I just don't want to hear it used like that. So what good things are associated with it? In a loosely vague way one could associate music, sports, and fashion perhaps to a questionably positive usage. I just can't think of anything really good about it. I tolerate it in small doses. 

But fat...the problem I have with not wanting to hear the word, is as elle stated - there is an underlying belief that there is something wrong with being fat. A rejection of something so fundamental. I get that there are painful associations attached to this word for some, and no it won't be possible to just get over it overnight. That's not what I'm saying. I get that this word is powerful and yes there can be grizzly things associated with that word things like death (if the threat of death is used to inspire fear and alter behavior), torture (if you consider the things people do to loose weight torturous), starvation, taunts, and random acts of violence, but there are good associations too like love, awesome orgasms, delightfully soft skin, lovely caresses, heavenly treats, and a near reverence for all the bounties of the flesh. But all those good things don't seem to trump all the bad things. And if fat were just a word if wouldn't be so powerful. Such emotions wouldn't be stirred up. I just wish that wasn't the case, even for myself.




mergirl said:


> hmm.. like "cunt"! iove that word.. but i said it to someone the other day and they put thier fingers in thier ears and started going "lalalalalala"!!??
> now thats one powerful word!
> much better than "vagina" which is latin for sword sheath..
> or "pussy" which sounds porny..
> ...



I like cunt too, but a discussion about it is for another thread....



mossystate said:


> I would not ' force ' the word down a persons throat...I will also not trip all over myself to not use the word and feel like an ogre if the word passes my lips. If someone who is fat were to ask if they are fat ..and I know they don't like the word..I am going to use it, and say it with other words..and a smile ...and my eyes filled with the positive. If they got really upset, then I would not use the word..but..I would also not continue the conversation. If I am with a person who does not like the word and for whatever reason the conversation turns to ' weighty matters '...it is as much their responsibility to know how _I_ am and not get into such conversations if they cannot tolerate The Word.
> 
> I get that there is personal pain, and it pains me that people have been beaten over the head with these potent four letters. I just know how I communicate with a person who is upset..and I know how I handle myself. *I think there might be an image of all the ' pro ' camp yelling in a persons face...FATFATFATFAT...take THAT. There seems to be a misunderstanding *.



Yeah, I think so too.



mergirl said:


> .....voluptous is a deeply sung word and fat sounds flat and kinna ugly sounding ..Especially in a scottish accent!!
> i dont get that people would prefer the latter..but then differnet strokes n all that..
> 
> mer



I'm not saying _all _the other synonyms are all bad, voluptuous is a perfectly good word. Zaftig sounds a-okay too. Some other words, I'm not crazy about and overweight is at the top of that list, but ultimately what I'm asking why it is fat a four letter word when it doesn't have to be. I'm probably going to take heat for this but, it seems to me like refusing this word is like giving the abuser the power to control your emotions and your life and that just makes me feel uncomfortable. A way for me to take back control has been to reclaim this word. It can't have the power to hurt me if I don't let it. But I guess that's just me.


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## elle camino (Aug 21, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Indeed.....Mergirl.....you get it. Fat is just an adjective that can be quite generic, at best. Much as it can be hurtful/negative....peel all the negativity away and what do you have?
> You have the simple, bland, three letter word "fat". A word used to describe many things...... a fat head, a fat wallet, a fat pillow, a fat ass, a fat sandwich.....on and on and on.
> 
> Now voluptuous, curvaceous, rubenesque.......those words are special. They aren't used as nearly as often as the word fat....nor in so many ways.
> They are long, flowing, frothy mouthfuls of delight to say. Womanly sounding words......at least in my mind because I think of a beautifully shaped women when I hear/say those words.


so, voluptuous and rubenesque and curvaceous and whatever are better because...they're longer? they're worth more points in scrabble? they just sound better to you? i mean because a wallet or a pillow can just as easily be described as voluptuous, the same way that a building can be curvaceous or a reflection of light off of flesh can be rubenesque. 
but fine, to each their own.
but to _me_, 'fat' is just as lyrical and elegant and beautiful as any of those words, because to me it refers so many wonderful, awesome things that i love - like fat wallet, fat pillow, fat ass, fat sandwich, fat paycheck, fat arms, fat bellies, fat babies, fat girls, fat boys, etc. with, as i mentioned before, the added appeal of being succinct. 

so it's not that i don't "get it", it's that i've personally made peace with the word and am able to separate it from those jerks who've used it to put me (and other people like me) down in the past. to me it's just another adjective, and one which more often than not is used to describe things which i enjoy. and i really do believe that every time the word 'fat' is used in a positive context, it strikes another little blow against the larger perception of fat equaling bad.


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## Tooz (Aug 21, 2008)

fat fat fat fat fat

*FAT*


stop skirting the subject


thanks.


didn't read anything other than the first post.


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## mergirl (Aug 22, 2008)

hmm..i think.. its a feminist issue.


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## CausticSodaPop (Aug 22, 2008)

Although I like the word myself, I am careful as to how and when I use it. 

If I describe someone as "short and fat with blonde hair" the F word will often be seen as derrogatory by the person to whom I am talking. If I tell a lover that she is "beautifully fat" she may recoil in horror if she's only ever heard the word when it's been part of the phrase "fat and ugly". 

This doesn't mean I necessarily skirt the term... In fact, I make a conscious effort to use it positively at every possible opportunity. I do, however, make sure that I have the time to explain that "fat" is not a swear word.


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## stevenbbwlvr (Aug 22, 2008)

olwen said:


> As I read the rest of the responses in this thread I couldn't help but to think of the word "******". I'm starting to see how similarly powerful both these words are and I don't like it.



Try looking that word up in a dictionary of slang sometime. There's three pages of stuff.


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## disconnectedsmile (Aug 22, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Now *voluptuous, curvaceous, rubenesque*.......those words are special. They aren't used as nearly as often as the word fat....nor in so many ways.
> They are long, flowing, frothy mouthfuls of delight to say. Womanly sounding words......at least in my mind because I think of a beautifully shaped women when I hear/say those words. To be subscribed in such a way.......and by a man that is showing a romantic/sexual interest in me.........oh my :happy: :batting:
> 
> And yeah, I am worth the extra effort of a sweeter sounding vocabulary.


i don't see those words as anything other than words. and sugar coated, dressed up ones at that. and i really don't have time for such nonsense. fat = fat. that's it. that's all.
fat is an adjective. (it's also a noun. :happy fat is truth in some cases. it's only a negative epithet if you make it so. and if you do choose to make it a negative epithet, you're doing nothing but perpetuating the cycle of fat hatred, by leading people to believe it's okay to treat it as some hushed, dirty word.
it's a word that needs to be used for what it is. a simple, harmless adjective.
you _can_ take the power back, you know.
it's a word. use it. it's just a fucking word. and sometimes, it can be a beautiful one, at that. if you let it.

*FAT*


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 22, 2008)

elle camino said:


> so, voluptuous and rubenesque and curvaceous and whatever are better because...they're longer? they're worth more points in scrabble? they just sound better to you? i mean because a wallet or a pillow can just as easily be described as voluptuous, the same way that a building can be curvaceous or a reflection of light off of flesh can be rubenesque.
> but fine, to each their own.
> but to _me_, 'fat' is just as lyrical and elegant and beautiful as any of those words, because to me it refers so many wonderful, awesome things that i love - like fat wallet, fat pillow, fat ass, fat sandwich, fat paycheck, fat arms, fat bellies, fat babies, fat girls, fat boys, etc. with, as i mentioned before, the added appeal of being succinct.
> 
> so it's not that i don't "get it", it's that i've personally made peace with the word and am able to separate it from those jerks who've used it to put me (and other people like me) down in the past. to me it's just another adjective, and one which more often than not is used to describe things which i enjoy. and i really do believe that every time the word 'fat' is used in a positive context, it strikes another little blow against the larger perception of fat equaling bad.



Just because someone might prefer a better word....a more descriptive, lyrical word does not mean they do not realize they also fall under the definition of fat. We are talking about what a man will call his woman....and I want something better than fat. You may have good feelings about being called fat, which is fine, I just want more. More than scrabble points, more than a fat sandwich....I want more EFFORT. 

I want more description....and not to be on the same plane as a fat wallet or sandwich. Lovelier words.......for a lovelier thing. 



disconnectedsmile said:


> i don't see those words as anything other than words. and sugar coated, dressed up ones at that. and i really don't have time for such nonsense. fat = fat. that's it. that's all.
> fat is an adjective. (it's also a noun. :happy fat is truth in some cases. it's only a negative epithet if you make it so. and if you do choose to make it a negative epithet, you're doing nothing but perpetuating the cycle of fat hatred, by leading people to believe it's okay to treat it as some hushed, dirty word.
> it's a word that needs to be used for what it is. a simple, harmless adjective.
> you _can_ take the power back, you know.
> ...



Sweets, it's perfectly okay with me if you insist upon calling your Lady fat and don't think she might like to hear something better. 
Just saying what *I* expect from a man


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## JoeFA (Aug 22, 2008)

I guess it's just a preference really, some women dont mind being called fat if they know they are and like it, and others just like elaborate description and nice, lovely sounding words.

Maybe i'm reading to much into this, but thats what i've found so far.
Sorry if i'm wrong, but hellooo i am new here!


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 22, 2008)

JoeFA said:


> I guess it's just a preference really, some women dont mind being called fat if they know they are and like it, and others just like elaborate description and nice, lovely sounding words.
> 
> Maybe i'm reading to much into this, but thats what i've found so far.
> Sorry if i'm wrong, but hellooo i am new here!




It is just a preference....exactly. 
I like prettier/pleasant conversation....I want some romantic words from a man I might have feelings for........

I call myself fat......others in general call me fat. I don't really need a romantic interest doing it....I want something different from him. *shrugs*


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## JoeFA (Aug 22, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> It is just a preference....exactly.
> I like prettier/pleasant conversation....I want some romantic words from a man I might have feelings for........
> 
> I call myself fat......others in general call me fat. I don't really need a romantic interest doing it....I want something different from him. *shrugs*



I understand your point, he needs to view as more than just 'a fat woman', if thats what you were getting at?


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 22, 2008)

JoeFA said:


> I understand your point, he needs to view as more than just 'a fat woman', if thats what you were getting at?



Ding ding ding....you win the prize  :bow:

I want to view him as special ........ different than the other men around me. The person I choose to be close to.......I like to feel like he can see me in that same way.

This really goes beyond just being fat and what an admirer calls you......for me it's more personal than that


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## JoeFA (Aug 22, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Ding ding ding....you win the prize  :bow:
> 
> I want to view him as special ........ different than the other men around me. The person I choose to be close to.......I like to feel like he can see me in that same way.
> 
> This really goes beyond just being fat and what an admirer calls you......for me it's more personal than that



Aw, thats pretty touching. Well, may you find that guy pretty soon Fairy lady (sorry, i abbreviate for easy typing, so i hope thats not offensive).

Ooo, and i love prizes.
What do i win, what do i win!?!?


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## disconnectedsmile (Aug 22, 2008)

Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Ding ding ding....you win the prize  :bow:
> 
> I want to view him as special ........ different than the other men around me. The person I choose to be close to.......I like to feel like he can see me in that same way.
> 
> This really goes beyond just being fat and what an admirer calls you......for me it's more personal than that


but how does that affect whether or not others should use the word as a simple adjective?
you've lost me, sister.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 22, 2008)

disconnectedsmile said:


> but how does that affect whether or not others should use the word as a simple adjective?
> you've lost me, sister.




Who said they shouldn't? 

I thought I made it clear in my other post to you that this is my preference...which is what everyone in this thread has presented...their very own preferences. 

I can only speak for myself.......just as you can only speak for yourself, etc.


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## Happenstance (Aug 23, 2008)

disconnectedsmile said:


> i don't see those words as anything other than words. and sugar coated, dressed up ones at that. and i really don't have time for such nonsense. fat = fat. that's it. that's all.



So the words are playing dress-up. Fine, why do synonyms exist at all? For that matter, why write poetry? I use unnecessarily flowery words in my everyday conversation, simply because I can, and because language is a beautiful, expressive thing, and the fact that it draws closer to newspeak with every successive generation leaves me often sleepless.


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## stevenbbwlvr (Aug 23, 2008)

...I'm in conversation with non-FA's, or the otherwise uninitiated.

I say: I like *fat chicks* because I think they're *total sex goddesses* and they turn me on *something fierce.*


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## JoeFA (Aug 23, 2008)

stevenbbwlvr said:


> ...I'm in conversation with non-FA's, or the otherwise uninitiated.
> 
> I say: I like *fat chicks* because I think they're *total sex goddesses* and they turn me on *something fierce.*



Now that's a bit of both, can't go wrong with that :bow:


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## T_Devil (Aug 23, 2008)

Happenstance said:


> So the words are playing dress-up. Fine, why do synonyms exist at all? For that matter, why write poetry? I use unnecessarily flowery words in my everyday conversation, simply because I can, and because language is a beautiful, expressive thing, and the fact that it draws closer to newspeak with every successive generation leaves me often sleepless.



I have an extended vocabulary. When I was a kid, I would read dictionaries (no lie). Words fascinate me because of the power they hold. They are very psycological and they can be either tools for communication or weapons of mass destruction in verbal warfare. I've used words for both purposes.

I know how to make words hurt. I've made people cry with my words. I take no pleasure in admitting this. It is only after you have completely destroyed someone with words do you realize how much potential for destruction they hold.

To this day, I'm remorseful of those days where I was nothing but angry. Each kind and gentle soul I lashed out at using words. Some people were affected, and some acted like they weren't. You can never hide the pain completely though.

But I've also used my words to uplift and heal. To strengthen. Just today I was reminded how much powerful emotion words hold when someone told me that my blog moved them to tears. It's powerful to know that words that was onced used to make people cry out of hurt can also be words to evoke such emotion and inspiration that they can't help but cry. Words can break us down, but they can build us up too.

But they remain words. They and all their related words both synonym and antonym are just meaning. when left to the sum of their parts, they are lifeless letters arranged on a page. It is the heart that makes them a tool or a weapon.

When used in their lifeless state, words are the language of honesty. Believe me when I tell you that truth and honesty are things that nobody wants to hear, but yet they must understand. The word "Fat" when used as an adjective has a positive and negative connotation. In honesty, its adjective meaining is neither. It is a state of being. And that's all. As a noun, it is a substance just as muscle is or water is or bone is. It is a necessary function the human body provides to protect muscle. To go more into this would be going into biology, and that is a different post all together.

There are many words to describe one word. There are different languages that describe emotions that we feel. All are words we use to communicate with others and the most important thing to remember about ALL words is their context. The heart gives words their context. To subvert or uplift, to inflict or inspire. Words are just words. Humans make them what they are.


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## Curious Jane (Aug 23, 2008)

The other word people avoid is "glutton"...I know not everyone in this forum is a glutton but I think a lot of us are.

I confess to being one...


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## JoeFA (Aug 23, 2008)

So essentially, what this whole thing is about telling the truth, which i can tell from here is most people's preference's relating to size and all that palava (fun palava too :happy. I can work with that, matter of fact i already do. SO there


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## Violet_Beauregard (Aug 23, 2008)

PRECISELY!!!! I couldn't possibly agree more...




Green Eyed Fairy said:


> Just because someone might prefer a better word....a more descriptive, lyrical word does not mean they do not realize they also fall under the definition of fat. We are talking about what a man will call his woman....and I want something better than fat. You may have good feelings about being called fat, which is fine, I just want more. More than scrabble points, more than a fat sandwich....I want more EFFORT.
> 
> I want more description....and not to be on the same plane as a fat wallet or sandwich. Lovelier words.......for a lovelier thing.
> 
> ...


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## MancFA (Aug 27, 2008)

First off, Im new to all this so please forgive me and dont bite my head off if I seem naive at all. Been reading this thread for a while, trying to get my head round it. Gotta say some of the posts really shocked me! Pretty surprised to find out some of the members would go as far to say that they are ANGRY that someone (whether an FA or not) decides to avoid calling them fat. Sure in a simpler world fat is purely a descriptive word (although a pretty vague one at that), but given the negative connotations which the media has given to it this clearly isnt the case for the majority out there so surely you cant be angry with someone you meet for the first time whos simply trying to show a bit of diplomacy? Annoyed perhaps, but unfortunately given how mainstream society is these days, surely you have to be prepared to explain your stance at least until society changes. With someone you know well its obviously different, but still a matter of preference. I agree with a lot of the stuff Canadian was sayin a little way back.


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## LJ Rock (Aug 27, 2008)

MancFA said:


> First off, Im new to all this so please forgive me and dont bite my head off if I seem naive at all. Been reading this thread for a while, trying to get my head round it. Gotta say some of the posts really shocked me! Pretty surprised to find out some of the members would go as far to say that they are ANGRY that someone (whether an FA or not) decides to avoid calling them fat. Sure in a simpler world fat is purely a descriptive word (although a pretty vague one at that), but given the negative connotations which the media has given to it this clearly isnt the case for the majority out there so surely you cant be angry with someone you meet for the first time whos simply trying to show a bit of diplomacy? Annoyed perhaps, but unfortunately given how mainstream society is these days, surely you have to be prepared to explain your stance at least until society changes. With someone you know well its obviously different, but still a matter of preference. I agree with a lot of the stuff Canadian was sayin a little way back.



You know, I've been sort of observing this discussion from afar, not wanting to get involved until I knew what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it.... MancFA pretty much just summed it all up for me. 

Bottom line: _think_ about what you're going to say before you say it. Words can hurt. Words have meaning, but sometimes the meaning varies depending on who you talk to. Until you know a person well enough to know that they are cool with being called fat, don't call them fat. It just isn't cool. 

Personally, I think that "fat" is a beautiful word. There are so many thoughts and emotions that go through my mind when I hear or read that word... even just thinking about it makes me smile.  But thats just me.... based upon my thoughts, feelings and experiences surrounding the word. I am glad to have found so many other people who share the same views and feelings about fat, but I also recognize that not everyone shares those same feelings. Unfortunately most of the time when I hear that word spoken on a day to day basis it is used in very much a negative connotation.... in which case I would rather not hear those people use "our word" at all. 

Think about it: if you love fat, fat people or just being fat yourself then fat to you is not going to be a negative word but a positive one. For those who don't feel so positive about fat, as many in our society don't.... well, should it really be any wonder why this such a touchy subject for so many? 

From an FA point of view, I think its just something that has to be made really clear to us whether or not the object of our affections approves of the word or not. Its something that should be discussed openly, like "How do YOU feel about 'the F word?'" lol Seriously though, just be sensitive to people's feelings and think about what you say before you speak..... I think we'd have a lot more peace and understanding with each other in general if more people would just do that.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 27, 2008)

Excellent post LJ Rock  :bow:


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## disconnectedsmile (Aug 27, 2008)

LJ Rock said:


> From an FA point of view, I think its just something that has to be made really clear to us whether or not the object of our affections approves of the word or not. Its something that should be discussed openly, like "How do YOU feel about 'the F word?'" lol Seriously though, just be sensitive to people's feelings and think about what you say before you speak..... I think we'd have a lot more peace and understanding with each other in general if more people would just do that.


i think people need to clam up and realize it's just a damn word.
jeezus.
enough of this PC, nancy boy nonsense.

it's an adjective. it's not a horrible thing to be called. for those who won't accept it, well, just know that it's an adjective, but realize that there's many who won't apologize for using it. nor should we be made to feel like we have to.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Aug 27, 2008)

disconnectedsmile said:


> i think people need to clam up and realize it's just a damn word.
> jeezus.
> enough of this PC, nancy boy nonsense.
> 
> it's an adjective. it's not a horrible thing to be called. for those who won't accept it, well, just know that it's an adjective, but realize that there's many who won't apologize for using it. nor should we be made to feel like we have to.




Nor should anyone that doesn't like the word being used in reference to themselves have to apologize either....or "clam up" for others that refuse to be polite. 
Simple manners and consideration for others just seems to come easier for some of us it seems.......

You can call people whatever you like.....I support free speech. However, don't always expect a positive response from your lack of consideration either.


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## mossystate (Aug 27, 2008)

Ok..so much misunderstanding going on in this thread..it is almost comical.

But....I do wonder......hmmmmm.....those of you who hate the word fat, in any and all situations and conversations...................................do you use the term...FA...?.....is it Fluff Admirer?....FlowingFlesh Admirer?. I mean, seems kinda icky...like only seeing the fat and not the woman..ya know?. I don't care for ' FA '/' BBW '/ ' SSBBW ', although I sometimes use the terms for the sake of conversation here ( I never..ever...use them in real life )...but then, I don't have an issue with any of those words on their own.

so?..color me curious...


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## Cali Rock Climber (Aug 27, 2008)

Fellas, if you ever slip up and call your girl fat and they end up geting all offended, do the following: Tell them you meant p-h-a-t, that you were paying them a compliment, and you meant it in a cool hip-hop kind of way. I've found this usually works for me and calms them down.


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## disconnectedsmile (Aug 27, 2008)

Cali Rock Climber said:


> Sometimes I will call a girl fat, and then if she acts all offended, I'll tell them I was referring to them as p-h-a-t and I meant it in a cool hip-hop kind of way. That usually calms them down.
> 
> I'm smooth like that.


not if they're into proper grammar.


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## LJ Rock (Aug 28, 2008)

disconnectedsmile said:


> i think people need to clam up and realize it's just a damn word.
> jeezus.
> enough of this PC, nancy boy nonsense.
> 
> it's an adjective. it's not a horrible thing to be called. for those who won't accept it, well, just know that it's an adjective, but realize that there's many who won't apologize for using it. nor should we be made to feel like we have to.



In most Western nations, including the United States, if you were to give someone a "thumbs-up" gesture such as the one illustrated here: 







...it would be considered a casual yet polite way of saying "good job" "or job well done" or just a casual greeting or salutation. However, many cultures in Africa and the Middle East view this gesture as being something rude and offensive, the equivalent of saying "up yours" or "fuck you" much the way we here in the west regard extending to one the middle finger, as so: 






Now, were you to one day find yourself in one of these foreign lands, it would probably be in one's best interest to try and conform to these polite social graces rather than go against the grain and stringently adhere to our Western ideals. You wouldn't want to go around giving people the "thumbs up" knowing that it was offensive or hurtful to them, would you? I suspect not, as that would make you look unintelligent and disrespectful, and I imagine before long the locals in said area would force upon you an etiquette lesson which you would not soon forget. 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the word "fat" in and of itself. As any 6th grader could point out, the word is merely an adjective (sometimes a noun, but I digress) but one for which there are many connotations attached, both negative and positive. 

I will say it one last time: _think before you speak!_ No man is an island; we live in a world full of billions of people, and not everyone is going to think and see things in the same way you do. Choose your words carefully and try to always be sensitive to other people's feelings, and if you accidently or unintentionally hurt someone's feelings then for God's sake _apologize!_ Defiantly standing your ground and asserting your right to be an insensitive _clod_ will accomplish nothing.... unless you really don't care about other people or their feelings, in which case I should expect you ought to prepare yourself for a lifetime of solitude and loneliness.

Now, that's really all I have to say about it as I just don't have the time or energy to exhaust this discussion any further. lol Goodnight y'all!


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## elle camino (Aug 28, 2008)

1. fuck all that, life is too short to fret over what every single pair of ears around me might find offensive to their sensibilities, nor do i expect such a thing out of the rest of the world. if i'm not speaking pejoratively, if someone's offended it's due to their own hangups and those aren't my concern. 
2. frankness is a virtue, and it's valued by many more people than it offends, i've found. if someone's uppity to the point where they'll flip out about me saying 'goddamn, look at that foxy fat chick over there' instead of 'goddamn, look at that foxy rubenesque chick over there', they're not the kind of person i have any desire to be friends with in the first place. oy, why would i? can you imagine? bleh.


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## disconnectedsmile (Aug 28, 2008)

LJ Rock said:


> unless you really don't care about other people or their feelings, in which case I should expect you ought to prepare yourself for a lifetime of solitude and loneliness.


what i'm prepared for is a lifetime with friends and good people who appreciate adjectives.
/end


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## xysoseriousx (Jul 2, 2010)

I use the term sexy big girl. That's just me.


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## mercy (Jul 5, 2010)

I have contrary views on this. If someone on the street calls me "fat" I'm offended, not because it's an offensive term, but because what the hell gives them the right to comment on my appearance in any way whatsoever? 

If an FA was calling me "fat" I guess I would take it as a compliment. I've never met anyone who openly claimed to be an FA, so I have no personal experience. 

However, I'm quite happy to refer to myself as "fat" and I get a little bit annoyed if people try to euphemise this as being "big" or "large" or "fuller figured." 

I suppose what I'm getting at is that I see myself as fat, and I'm mostly ok with that, I just don't think it's ok to throw it around when intended as an insult.


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## xysoseriousx (Jul 5, 2010)

mercy said:


> I have contrary views on this. If someone on the street calls me "fat" I'm offended, not because it's an offensive term, but because what the hell gives them the right to comment on my appearance in any way whatsoever?
> 
> If an FA was calling me "fat" I guess I would take it as a compliment. I've never met anyone who openly claimed to be an FA, so I have no personal experience.
> 
> ...



That happens to me when people call me a ginger.


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## mercy (Jul 5, 2010)

xysoseriousx said:


> That happens to me when people call me a ginger.



See, that annoys me as well. And when I was younger people used to shout "goff" (because apparently nobody in northern England can pronounce the word "goth") and that would wind me up. It's not to do with how accurate the statement is, it's the whole "why on Earth do you feel like you have any right to comment" aspect of it.


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## exile in thighville (Jul 5, 2010)

fat is neither good nor bad in itself, it's fat. if you like fat it's good. if you don't it's bad. the real change that needs to be administered with the way of the world is setting it back to zero.

all the other unhealthy and risky vices are viewed as sexy so it's bullshit really.


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## Gspoon (Jul 13, 2010)

I don't know. I love the word fat in it's self, but saying it to the girl I am dating can be weird, depending on how long they have been with me. If the girl I am dating is a fat girl and is from the community, I will call her fat. If I am dating a girl outside of the community, they may not like as much if I called her fat. I use the word more if the party I am calling fat is more accepting of the world. As a matter of fact, I wont even mention their body type unless they were to ask me "How would you to describe my body type".

If I can call a girl fat, I WILL! I love it! Dating a fat girl and saying she is fat is a tremendous turn on for me. You can count on me to tell any girl I date that is fat and is okay with me calling them fat that she is fat... huge! Enormously fat even!

But if I am with a girl that is fat and she is very self conscious about her weight... then obviously I have some work to do, building up her self confidence!


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## thirtiesgirl (Jul 22, 2010)

Personally, I don't like most euphemisms for "fat." I refer to myself as fat and I would prefer other people to refer to me as fat also. Now that doesn't mean I want some person yelling "hey, fatty!" out a car window at me as they pass me walking down the street (as _mercy_ wrote above). I don't take insult at the word itself, but at the _intention_ behind the word, because the person yelling out the car window is only thinking of the negative connotations of "fat" and using it in that way. And, as _mercy_ wrote above, my body is not their property to comment on. It's the same as someone giving you the stink-eye at a restaurant when you order dessert, or saying "is she really going to eat all that?" to their friend as they pass by your table. They don't feel they have the same right to comment on thin people eating in public, so why do it to me?

But, aside from these public instances, I have no problem with my significant other and friends describing me as fat. I much prefer it to "juicy," "goddess-sized," "plus sized," etc. Now "fluffy," I don't mind. I've tried to parse the semantics of the word and I'm still not really sure why. The only thing I can come up with is that "fluffy" sounds kind of cute and I find it humorous to refer to myself as "fluffy."

"Curvy," on the other hand, I hate. It's really not a bad word, in itself. But what I've found time and time again among people who appreciate fat folks and fat folks themselves is that they use the word "curvy" to describe a more proportional fat woman. Meaning, a fat woman with more of an hourglass shape, whose hips and shoulders are generally in proportion (one not wider by much than the other), and a smaller waist. The kind of women you see in Lane Bryant ads and most plus size clothing ads: proportional women. 

Now, I'm _not_ a proportional fat woman myself. My shoulders are broader than my hips, and I don't have a smaller waist. I carry most of my fat in my boobs and tum. In my years of dating, both online and off, I've found a lot of guys, while they're Ok with fat, are not necessarily Ok with a disproportionately-shaped fat woman. They prefer a body shape that, while fat, at least conforms to the hourglass shape. I even saw one guy on a dating site who included a picture with his ad of the body shape he was looking for: a cartoon drawing of a slightly fatter Marilyn Monroe-ish shape. In other words, an hourglass shape. 

Point being, there's already enough of a dichotomy between hourglass shaped fat women and more disproportional fat women. So why continue that dichotomy by using "curvy" as a euphemism for fat? I get so tired of hearing fat women describe themselves as "curvy," trying to distance themselves from the word "fat," because they only think of the negative connotations of "fat."

I'm not trying to take away women's autonomy to describe themselves and their bodies in any way they want, but if a fat woman is going to describe herself as "curvy," or a fat appreciator is looking for a "curvy" partner, I wish they'd include the word "fat" in the description. For example, "I'm a curvy fat woman," or "I'm looking for a curvy fat woman." Let's stop this dichotomy between "good fat" and "bad fat" by using polarizing language ("curvy," this means you!), and accept that all body shapes are just as valid, none better than the other.

[/RANT]


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## KittyKitten (Jul 22, 2010)

I'm not to crazy about the word fat just because it has been used in derision. Voluptuous is my favorite word--it sounds so juicy and lively!


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## Myn (Jul 22, 2010)

My problem with the word "curvy" is that you don't know where you stand with it. Heidi Klum's been called "curvy," and so has Beth Ditto. What the heck does it even _mean?_ At least with "fat" you know what's going on.


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## thirtiesgirl (Jul 22, 2010)

Myn said:


> My problem with the word "curvy" is that you don't know where you stand with it. Heidi Klum's been called "curvy," and so has Beth Ditto. What the heck does it even _mean?_ At least with "fat" you know what's going on.



Very true.

I don't have an issue with the word fat because I don't ascribe the negative stereotypes to it that we've all been taught from birth. Fat is a word of description, like tall, short, thin, brown hair, green eyes. That's all. It doesn't mean lazy, unattractive, unambitious, slovenly, etc.

When I describe myself as fat to people who don't know me well and don't know about size acceptance, they frequently engage in backhanded compliments like "aw, you're not fat!" and that kind of thing. I understand their intentions. In their mind, "fat" is a bad word, meaning unattractive, lazy, etc. So they're trying to tell me that they don't think of me in those negative ways. What they don't get, though, is that it's my prerogative to describe myself using whatever words I choose. So my usual response is to tell them, "Thank you, but 'fat' is not a bad word for me. 'Fat' does not mean unattractive and lazy, so I'm fine with it." They usually get the message, and while they're still not comfortable using the word themselves, they usually won't react in shock again when I use it to describe myself.


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## Myn (Jul 22, 2010)

Exactly. 

And, funnily enough, if I'm meeting up with someone and I tell them "Just look for the really enormously fat woman," they can identify me without having to go into what I'm wearing or carrying a red carnation or whatever.


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## Tau (Jul 23, 2010)

Do you know what makes my blood boil - the dudes on those dating sites who say things like: I'm looking for a girl who is fat in all the right places. What are these 'right' places of which you speak???


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## KittyKitten (Jul 23, 2010)

Myn said:


> My problem with the word "curvy" is that you don't know where you stand with it. Heidi Klum's been called "curvy," and so has Beth Ditto. What the heck does it even _mean?_ At least with "fat" you know what's going on.



I think curvy is more towards a shape rather than size.


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## Myn (Jul 23, 2010)

> Do you know what makes my blood boil - the dudes on those dating sites who say things like: I'm looking for a girl who is fat in all the right places. What are these 'right' places of which you speak???



Boobs. Possibly a bit on the butt.


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## LoveBHMS (Jul 23, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Very true.
> 
> I don't have an issue with the word fat because I don't ascribe the negative stereotypes to it that we've all been taught from birth. Fat is a word of description, like tall, short, thin, brown hair, green eyes. That's all. It doesn't mean lazy, unattractive, unambitious, slovenly, etc.
> 
> When I describe myself as fat to people who don't know me well and don't know about size acceptance, they frequently engage in backhanded compliments like "aw, you're not fat!" and that kind of thing. I understand their intentions. In their mind, "fat" is a bad word, meaning unattractive, lazy, etc. So they're trying to tell me that they don't think of me in those negative ways. What they don't get, though, is that it's my prerogative to describe myself using whatever words I choose. So my usual response is to tell them, "Thank you, but 'fat' is not a bad word for me. 'Fat' does not mean unattractive and lazy, so I'm fine with it." They usually get the message, and while they're still not comfortable using the word themselves, they usually won't react in shock again when I use it to describe myself.



A while back we had a thread started by a girl who was asked to go to a fair, but was nervous because she would not fit on the rides. Many of us suggested she just tell the truth, after all, her friends and family already knew what she looked like so they knew she was fat. She said it would not work because they "don't see her as fat". It's notable how many people say their friends don't consider them fat or see them as fat.


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## thirtiesgirl (Jul 23, 2010)

Tau said:


> Do you know what makes my blood boil - the dudes on those dating sites who say things like: I'm looking for a girl who is fat in all the right places. What are these 'right' places of which you speak???



Exactly. That's what made me so angry at the guy on the dating site who advertised that he was looking for BBWs (his term), and then posted the cartoon drawing of a woman with a slightly fatter Marilyn Monroe-type figure, stating this was the "only kind of fat woman" he wanted to date. I mean, I understand that everyone has their own physical preferences, but it just seemed so polarizing to me, as if fat women with more proportional, hourglass shapes are the "right kind" of fat, and anyone who doesn't is "wrong."


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## Heyyou (Jul 23, 2010)

LoveBHMS said:


> A while back we had a thread started by a girl who was asked to go to a fair, but was nervous because she would not fit on the rides. Many of us suggested she just tell the truth, after all, her friends and family already knew what she looked like so they knew she was fat. She said it would not work because they "don't see her as fat". It's notable how many people say their friends don't consider them fat or see them as fat.





thirtiesgirl said:


> Exactly. That's what made me so angry at the guy on the dating site who advertised that he was looking for BBWs (his term), and then posted the cartoon drawing of a woman with a slightly fatter Marilyn Monroe-type figure, stating this was the "only kind of fat woman" he wanted to date. I mean, I understand that everyone has their own physical preferences, but it just seemed so polarizing to me, as if fat women with more proportional, hourglass shapes are the "right kind" of fat, and anyone who doesn't is "wrong."



you have to face the fact that the ideal shape for females is the hourglass. just like some fat women reject short guys, somebody will always be rejected for whatever reason. deal with it.


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## CastingPearls (Jul 23, 2010)

Heyyou said:


> you have to face the fact that the ideal shape for females is the hourglass. just like some fat women reject short guys, somebody will always be rejected for whatever reason. deal with it.


That's not a fact. That's an opinion and one preference of many.


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## Heyyou (Jul 23, 2010)

CastingPearls said:


> That's not a fact. That's an opinion and one preference of many.



the coke bottle shape is ideal because it's proportional. all the plus sized models have that shape. i see some women in here crying because a guy wants girls who are fat in the right places but at the same time, lots of women reject guys who are skinny, fat, or short. it works both ways.


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## The Orange Mage (Jul 23, 2010)

I agree on the "curvy" thing. It's like how I've seen mid-sizers use the term "fat but not gross" or "thick" to denote that "hey, I'm bigger but not a blob!" and it's pretty disheartening.

And while most men apparently want hourglasses or pears there are certainly men out there who love apples, or any other possible body shape, really.

I think if you blindfolded guys who are real anal about their "shape" preferences and shoved them into a hot and steamy makeout & grope session with someone of a shape they didn't like they'd be hard in an instant and love every minute of it.

Like that one chick in that one movie said, what we like to see and what we like to feel are usually not the same exact thing.


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## Ernest Nagel (Jul 23, 2010)

I'm OK with the F word as long as all parties are clear it's simply a description, not a definition. Tall, blue-eyed or even blonde don't carry the same kind of baggage as "fat" though and not that many descriptions double as epithets. Just as a general rule I think it's less than diplomatic to emphasize something that may make people feel noticed for reasons they may not fully embrace. 

Anyway I've not yet met anyone who was just "fat". Why not take the time to learn what other things you find interesting or desirable about them? It's rather gauche to remark on or belabor the obvious, isn't it?


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## thirtiesgirl (Jul 23, 2010)

Heyyou said:


> the coke bottle shape is ideal because it's proportional. all the plus sized models have that shape.



The plus size fashion industry likes plus size models with an hourglass shape because it's easier for them to fit in clothes that are made on the standard plus size dress form, which conforms to a standard group of body measurements. In addition, a more proportional body shape looks better in most clothing than a less proportional one. And since the point is to sell clothes, or sell a specific 'look,' and not necessarily the model, more proportional models are used. That doesn't necessarily mean the shape is 'ideal,' though, simply because it's preferred by the fashion industry. That assumption is yours alone, and that of the men who prefer hourglass shapes. My disproportional shape is just as ideal to some as a Lane Bryant model is to others.



Heyyou said:


> i see some women in here crying because a guy wants girls who are fat in the right places but at the same time, lots of women reject guys who are skinny, fat, or short. it works both ways.



The ratio of men rejecting women because they don't conform to a specific body shape (and I'm not just referring to fat hourglass shaped women, but thin, athletic, boyish and in-betweenie women, too) is _far larger_ than the number of women who reject men for their body shape and size. How many women of any size and shape have I seen dating short balding guys with pot bellies? Tall skinny guys with graying hair, nothing on top, and an "artsy" pontytail in the back? Average height and weight guys who wear nothing but cargo shorts, Hawaiian shirts, Teva sandals and ball caps? That number is _staggering_ in comparison to the number of men of any size and shape who I've seen dating fat women, whether they have an hourglass shape, are pear shaped, apple shaped, etc.

I think you need to do some more reading on size acceptance. Your seeming lack of information is leading to some rather assumptive commentary.


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## thirtiesgirl (Jul 23, 2010)

The Orange Mage said:


> I think if you blindfolded guys who are real anal about their "shape" preferences and shoved them into a hot and steamy makeout & grope session with someone of a shape they didn't like they'd be hard in an instant and love every minute of it.



True, but this is, sadly, not the scale on which we're judged.


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## Jon Blaze (Jul 23, 2010)

The Orange Mage said:


> I agree on the "curvy" thing. It's like how I've seen mid-sizers use the term "fat but not gross" or "thick" to denote that "hey, I'm bigger but not a blob!" and it's pretty disheartening.
> 
> And while most men apparently want hourglasses or pears there are certainly men out there who love apples, or any other possible body shape, really.
> *
> ...




I would say to an extent that's not true. I can go down someones sides and have a pretty ballpark estimation of their size and shape. But I'm not super picky about shape or size. Just sayin'. If I can, I'm sure some of them can gripe about it.


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## Jon Blaze (Jul 23, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> I think curvy is more towards a shape rather than size.



I also agree with the above statement. At least for me... lol


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## KittyKitten (Jul 23, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> How many women of any size and shape have I seen dating short balding guys with pot bellies? Tall skinny guys with graying hair, nothing on top, and an "artsy" pontytail in the back? Average height and weight guys who wear nothing but cargo shorts, Hawaiian shirts, Teva sandals and ball caps? That number is _staggering_ in comparison to the number of men of any size and shape who I've seen dating fat women, whether they have an hourglass shape, are pear shaped, apple shaped, etc.



Yup, I see women with short balding men all the time. It seems women tend to be less visual when it comes to men, or at least more flexible for physical traits.


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## cc_2k2 (Jul 27, 2010)

happyface83 said:


> Yup, I see women with short balding men all the time. It seems women tend to be less visual when it comes to men, or at least more flexible for physical traits.



Well, that is certainly reflected in entertainment media. There have been many sitcoms that an overweight husband who is usually portrayed as endearing, next to a slimmer, very passable figure (by popular standards) for a woman. I honestly agree we men are pretty much anal about our women, and why there is a lot more controversy with fat actresses than there is with fat actors. We overlook the fact that women care less about body weight of the opposite sex.


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## Fox (Jul 28, 2010)

I like hearing the word "fat". Especially if it has the word "woman" after it. Hearing those two together give me happy thoughts.


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## thirtiesgirl (Jul 29, 2010)

Fox said:


> I like hearing the word "fat". Especially if it has the word "woman" after it. Hearing those two together give me happy thoughts.



Whew. I _so_ want to say something flirty to you, but I'm afraid I'd be committing a felony.


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## joswitch (Jul 31, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> I've encountered both ends of the spectrum in my experiences. Some girls have no problem being called fat while others are very offended, its really hit or miss *snip*



so yeah - while I'm totally comfortable with using the word fat, and see it as a positive... I'll normally euphemise around a girl i've just met, until I fnd out what HER attitude is...


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## KHayes666 (Jul 31, 2010)

joswitch said:


> so yeah - while I'm totally comfortable with using the word fat, and see it as a positive... I'll normally euphemise around a girl i've just met, until I fnd out what HER attitude is...



Yes, going up to a girl you just met and saying "(insert name here) you're faaaaat" is not the best idea.

I wonder how many paysiters would do that though.


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## Elfcat (Jul 31, 2010)

I happen to think that fat in a fine, flirtatious, perky little word myself.


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## OutbackZack (Aug 1, 2010)

I don't mind using the word "fat". It honestly depends on the girl. Some women HATE that word fat because of all the negativity they feel comes with it. However, there are women that get annoyed if you avoid the word "fat" and say "big", "fluffy", "thick", etc, and they'll say "I'm fat. Don't call me anything else." I really don't care what word I use as long as it won't offend someone when really I see it as a compliment.


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## Fox (Aug 1, 2010)

thirtiesgirl said:


> Whew. I _so_ want to say something flirty to you, but I'm afraid I'd be committing a felony.



It's ok. I'm post 18, if that's what you're wondering.


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## thirtiesgirl (Aug 1, 2010)

Fox said:


> It's ok. I'm post 18, if that's what you're wondering.



As am I, by a couple more posts.  You're just so damn cute, but I'm afraid I'd break you in two. ...That, or feel like Mary Kay Letourneau.


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## superodalisque (Aug 1, 2010)

i met a several guys lately who would easily qualify as FAs, even though they don't like the definition. they've all made the comment unsolicited that they didn't understand why women should call themselves fat or BBW or SSBBW etc...They've basically said something akin to : they think they should just BE beautiful women and leave it at that. no need to qualify anything. they make a good point.


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## Carrie (Aug 1, 2010)

superodalisque said:


> i met a several guys lately who would easily qualify as FAs, even though they don't like the definition. they've all made the comment unsolicited that they didn't understand why women should call themselves fat or BBW or SSBBW etc...They've basically said something akin to : they think they should just BE beautiful women and leave it at that. no need to qualify anything. they make a good point.


The thing is, I don't really think most people do that, in their everyday lives. In my experience, the terms BBW, SSBBW, FA, etc., are used mostly online, just for easy clarification/identification purposes. Maybe I'm being naive, but I just don't see all the chafing at labeling that is (as far as I can see, anyway) pretty simple and surface-oriented. Fat, really fat, or likes (some) fat chicks/dudes. Big deal. It's not a definition of one's character, or a legally binding contract that this is all you will ever be or be attracted to. The term "SSBBW" just doesn't exist in my everyday life. Being very fat is a part of my everyday life, of course, but I don't structure my identity around the term "SSBBW", nor do BBWs or F/FAs, as far as I can tell.


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## superodalisque (Aug 1, 2010)

Carrie said:


> The thing is, I don't really think most people do that, in their everyday lives. In my experience, the terms BBW, SSBBW, FA, etc., are used mostly online, just for easy clarification/identification purposes. Maybe I'm being naive, but I just don't see all the chafing at labeling that is (as far as I can see, anyway) pretty simple and surface-oriented. Fat, really fat, or likes (some) fat chicks/dudes. Big deal. It's not a definition of one's character, or a legally binding contract that this is all you will ever be or be attracted to. The term "SSBBW" just doesn't exist in my everyday life. Being very fat is a part of my everyday life, of course, but I don't structure my identity around the term "SSBBW", nor do BBWs or F/FAs, as far as I can tell.



i hear ya. it is a good point that maybe it shouldn't be so important online or elsewhere to people who do lean on the identity a lot. maybe we do just need to concentrate more on just being people first. its not as though other folks don't have challenges particular to them. maybe people do sometimes make too much of it online and IRL? it could be that may be an element that stands in the way of acceptance for some --because not everybody who is fat is orienting ourselves in the world just as a human being but just as a body with a sexual or social designation?


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## rollhandler (Aug 9, 2010)

KHayes666 said:


> I've encountered both ends of the spectrum in my experiences. Some girls have no problem being called fat while others are very offended, its really hit or miss depending on the confidence level.



This, in a nutshell. Plus when encountering fat people whom you are not sure of their feelings toward the term. In my case of being skinny some get offended if someone of my size uses the term at all assuming an insinuated level of insult in its usage, and then there are many fat people who feel free to use the word themselves but get offended with someone else using it in reference to them or their size. It's best to avoid the term until you know.
Rollhandler


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## UMBROBOYUM (Aug 9, 2010)

I don't avoid the word. I like it. I just dont use it much. 

I'm to busy drooling half the time anyway.


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## thirtiesgirl (Aug 9, 2010)

Don't you call me pudgy, portly or stout.
Just tell me now once again, who's fat.


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## UMBROBOYUM (Aug 9, 2010)

I use the word in my blog and writings. 

I like to view people through more than the lense word fat.


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## StickMan (Sep 12, 2010)

I admit I avoid using the word fat around my female friends who fit the description, only because I've learned from experience that just because I don't think of it as an insult, it doesn't mean other people won't take it that way. (I have been known to call someone that, and quickly backtrack by saying "I meant P-H-A-T" which elicits groans due to the bad pun, but little else)


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## nykspree8 (Sep 17, 2010)

I use the word around people who I know aren't offended by it. I think the connotation has changed over teh years for "fat" and it's not viewed as negatively anymore...it all depends on the person though because someone really self conscious about their weight will probably be mortified if they are called fat by someone.


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## Russ2d (Sep 19, 2010)

CurvyEm said:


> I've been around this place for all of my adult life (and most of my teen life) and I've come across many different types of people who are into fat.
> 
> A common theme I find recurring is that a lot of FA don't/won't use the word fat. In my time I've been told I'm not fat I'm; juicy, fluffy, chubby, big, plus sized, curvy ect. Also, when I've said 'Actually I'm fat' I've been told not to 'put myself down by refering to myself that way'.
> 
> ...




I agree completely... fat is a biological term and for any FA to avoid using it is strange to say the least. I use it, often, since I desire FAT women, not "big" not "plus sized" not "chubby"... FAT


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