# Is it easy being a FFA?



## StarMoon (Aug 31, 2009)

Are there any challenges from society? Since there seems to be less discrimination against fat men than fat women would it be easier being a ffa than a fa? What have been your experiences?


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## BigChaz (Aug 31, 2009)

What do you think?

hint: The answer is no. Both sides have to deal with the prejudices of friends, family, and society. Everyone has different situations in their life. One person may be ridiculed every day by her friends and family while another person never hears a peep about it.


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## Cors (Aug 31, 2009)

Removed. Wrong board.


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## CherryRVA (Aug 31, 2009)

It can be, depending on how non-judgemental and accepting the object of your affections is.


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## Melian (Aug 31, 2009)

Honestly.....yeah. To me, at least, it seems easier to be an FFA vs an FA. 

Obviously, every variety of relationship has its issues, so let's level the field of the body image/family doesn't like your partner crap and concentrate on size-specific issues. In this sense, no one has ever given me shit for dating fat men.

It seems like it's just more socially acceptable to be a small woman with a fat man, although not necessarily acceptable for the right reasons, ie. people just think he is wealthy or she can "see past his appearance." This shouldn't be the case, but most people are pretty stupid....so this is what we get.


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## WillSpark (Aug 31, 2009)

From tis perspective, there at least seems to be a bit less comfort in numbers in social situations such as this, where FAs seeking out the community online are more common than FFAs. I now I kind of feel that way about the FFAs, even though I love each one to death. 
However, the situation could be quite different IRL, which I have no basis on.


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## SanDiega (Aug 31, 2009)

Honestly, it was harder when I was younger. I remember trying to pleasure myself to an image of Michael Phelps during the 04 olympics to no avail, and wondering if I was a lesbian.

Now I don't think it is really different from being into latino guys or surfers, you just realize what you like and go after it. It's easy, breezy, and lovely.


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## Horseman (Sep 1, 2009)

SanDiega said:


> I remember trying to pleasure myself to an image of Michael Phelps during the 04 olympics to no avail ...



He's never done it for me, either ... (ha)

I actually can't believe I'm still able to type after that particular confession of yours. :blush:


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## chicken legs (Sep 1, 2009)

I think it depends on the actual size of the guy...bhm versus ssbhm.
My ex was about 240/6' so no looks or comments about his size ever...Now I'm with someone who is twice that and there are looks and comments but it doesnt bother me because i know it comes with the territory and we are a mixed couple so...sometimes i dont know if its the size difference, the racial difference, or the overall style difference people notice.

I get looks with or without him ( I have a untraditional look) so I'm used to it...funny thing is ...he is not lol. So for me its easy being an ffa.


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## OneHauteMama (Sep 3, 2009)

It depends. Not all FFA's are thin girls. Some of us are BBW's and therefore, it's just as difficult, if not moreso. I find a lot of BHM's are into the smaller girls, so that lowers my number of potential suitors. Plus I feel people are more apt to stare at a fat _couple _than they are at a fat man and a thin girl. Or vise versa. My ex-husband is tall and thin, and we got looks like "What the fuck is he doing with HER?". It's all part of the game. In some instances I feel the playing field is even, in others not so much.

As for getting odd looks, I do know that when I was crushing BAD on a particular BHM in my younger day, people would look at the two of us together and I did hear comments about us "breaking the bed" and all that crap. Not cool. And my ex-bf was 6' 5" and about 350, and I'm 5ft 3/4" and was 225 at the time...so we got looks more on height difference than on the weight.


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## AnyaDServal (Sep 4, 2009)

You know...I have to say I haven't had any real issues being an FFA, and I'm not a big girl. Every guy I've been with, fat and thin alike, have known of my particular interests and I haven't really encountered much in the way or either stigma or scorn. A few close friends have known as well. I'm sure my mother suspects it. So all in all, I'd say that being an FFA isn't such a big deal...I know that others have had differing experiences and perhaps I have been merely lucky in this regard...but yeah, I think most people are by the large (no pun intended!) too wrapped up in their own lives to really give a damn what your preferences when it comes to a mate are...and most guys like feeling appreciated.


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## rollhandler (Sep 4, 2009)

I believe a double standard applies here. The only degree of difference however is the amount of crap one group has to deal with vs another. 

I posed this very question on another discussion board (worded slightly differently) and the general consensus was almost unanimous however I disagree with the majority. The responses almost aped each other in the idea that women had a bye in regards to dating larger partners due to the emotional aspect of dating choices. I don't see women really getting much of a bye but instead they just get a different type of societal pressure to date thinner for different reasons. Also no matter which partner is fat they are viewed in a negative light and anyone dating them is painted with the same brush. Fat men may be more acceptable in the mainstream but they still get viewed negatively for _being_ fat. 

Both sides have got a hard row to hoe when it comes to societal pressures to date thin. I believe also that women tend to hear less about it then men do for reasons of gender bias and expectation. But, both sides catch a lot of flack. Neither has it very easy.
Rollhandler


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## escapist (Sep 13, 2009)

chicken legs said:


> I think it depends on the actual size of the guy...bhm versus ssbhm.
> My ex was about 240/6' so no looks or comments about his size ever...Now I'm with someone who is twice that and there are looks and comments but it doesnt bother me because i know it comes with the territory and we are a mixed couple so...sometimes i dont know if its the size difference, the racial difference, or the overall style difference people notice.
> 
> I get looks with or without him ( I have a untraditional look) so I'm used to it...funny thing is ...he is not lol. So for me its easy being an ffa.



Wait we get looks?  Heheheh J/K. I'll never forget that first guy at Fatburger.


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## Hozay J Garseeya (Sep 28, 2009)

SanDiega said:


> Honestly, it was harder when I was younger. I remember trying to pleasure myself to an image of Michael Phelps during the 04 olympics to no avail, and wondering if I was a lesbian.
> 
> Now I don't think it is really different from being into latino guys or surfers, you just realize what you like and go after it. It's easy, breezy, and lovely.



I don't know why . . . but I find this extremely interesting. Not because it's sexual, but just because it's . . . honest.


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## SanDiega (Sep 29, 2009)

AnyaDServal said:


> You know...I have to say I haven't had any real issues being an FFA, and I'm not a big girl. Every guy I've been with, fat and thin alike, have known of my particular interests and I haven't really encountered much in the way or either stigma or scorn. A few close friends have known as well. I'm sure my mother suspects it. So all in all, I'd say that being an FFA isn't such a big deal...I know that others have had differing experiences and perhaps I have been merely lucky in this regard...but yeah, I think most people are by the large (no pun intended!) too wrapped up in their own lives to really give a damn what your preferences when it comes to a mate are...and most guys like feeling appreciated.



I have to same I am in the same boat. This thread confuses me. I live in America's 8th skinniest city, and most of the locals here take a degree of pride in being shallow, but I have never gotten any flack for my preference. Most of my freinds just think it is amusing and my boyfreind likes that his body is admired. I am kind of amazed that anyone would get flack for liking big guys.


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## thea (Oct 18, 2009)

SanDiega said:


> I have to same I am in the same boat. This thread confuses me. I live in America's 8th skinniest city, and most of the locals here take a degree of pride in being shallow, but I have never gotten any flack for my preference. Most of my freinds just think it is amusing and my boyfreind likes that his body is admired. I am kind of amazed that anyone would get flack for liking big guys.



I totally agree.


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## Deanna (Oct 19, 2009)

It's not difficult at all. My friends and family just want me to be happy and couldn't care less about the size of the men I date. They're more concerned with character (my main concern as well)

As for the rest of the world, I don't pay attention - though if I did hear ridicule, I'd tell them to suck it. Nicely.


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## robovski (Oct 24, 2009)

I know the look my prospective mother-in-law gave me when she saw me, I know the trouble my wife has had with her mother over me and my size. I think she gets a hard time from her. Do I think it's harder than being an FA? Not really, I don't think it's easier either, more a matter of the luck of the draw. I was lucky, and had accepting friends and family and became confident enough not to care what others thought when it came to my own preferences this way (which allowed me to 'come out' as it were as an FA as a young adult). There is a lot of work on either side of the fence, dealing with human beings and prejudice that comes from being different, both as a FA and as a FFA not to mention being a fat person.


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## Deanna (Oct 25, 2009)

robovski said:


> I know the look my prospective mother-in-law gave me when she saw me.



The "looks" don't bother me - in fact, they've grown on me quite a bit.  As long as my man doesn't mind it


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## Surlysomething (Oct 26, 2009)

Not for me. I still don't find BHM into BBW at all. Maybe it's just where I live, I don't know. But I find it a lot here as well. So yes, I personally find it hard.


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## Tad (Oct 26, 2009)

Surlysomething said:


> Not for me. I still don't find BHM into BBW at all. Maybe it's just where I live, I don't know. But I find it a lot here as well. So yes, I personally find it hard.



Isn't Vancouver one of the thinnest (and most fitness/outdoors focussed) cities on the continent? I'm pretty sure I remember reading something like that....so yah, it could be in fair part because of where you live


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## Surlysomething (Oct 26, 2009)

Tad said:


> Isn't Vancouver one of the thinnest (and most fitness/outdoors focussed) cities on the continent? I'm pretty sure I remember reading something like that....so yah, it could be in fair part because of where you live




Totally. It's gross. Haha.


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## RobitusinZ (Oct 26, 2009)

I'm a BHM, but my wife isn't an FFA. Her oldest sister is ridiculously jealous of her and talks crap about me all the time. In fact, while I was on a vacation in Puerto Rico, staying at my father-in-law's house with all of them, she would make it a point to get under my skin.

For example, whenever I'd come out of the bathroom, about an hour or two later (so it was obvious enough to those in the know, but not to everyone in general), she would comment under her breath like, "This house never smelled like a man's piss before."

Another time, we were in Viejo San Juan, which is like the old downtown area of San Juan (the part you visit when you get off of a cruise), and it was just blazing hot. I'm with the wife and our kids while everyone else was going off ahead of us. My wife got into random dumbass mode and started yelling at me for something, so I just shut up and stared into space. At that moment, her sis comes up yelling and is like, "Man, your man isn't good for anything!" I turned around and cursed her the hell out in Spanish, but then ended up in trouble for it because the wrong person got insulted. I said something like, "F' you, go to hell, crawl back up your mother's p' and die." My mother-in-law ended up getting insulted because I mentioned her...sigh...anyway, they're a bunch of envious dumbasses, so it didn't really matter. I apologized later just cuz it's my kids' grandmother...

You know, it's hard for a "normal" chick to be with a "normal" guy...people still hate on them. It's even worse when it's a fat dude.

PS. Conclusion to bathroom story: I grew up with my aunt and my grandmother, and after my grandfather died when I was 15, I was the only male in a house full of women. I have always been very meticulous about going to the bathroom. Whenever I go, I wipe down the toilet when I'm done, then put the seat down...it never looks like I even used that toilet. I flush once when I'm done, and flush one more time before I leave the bathroom. I pretty much know how to leave a bathroom clean so that a female can come and use it after me. And of course, my wife KNOWS this because she lives with my little OCD ritual daily. So, in the end, it was all about my sister-in-law being a real bitch, and me and my wife just laughing at her about it.


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## lovelocs (Oct 29, 2009)

@Z 
"I said something like, "F' you, go to hell, crawl back up your mother's p' and die."-

If you teach me how to say that in Spanish, I'll be your friend forever...


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## RobitusinZ (Oct 29, 2009)

lovelocs said:


> @Z
> "I said something like, "F' you, go to hell, crawl back up your mother's p' and die."-
> 
> If you teach me how to say that in Spanish, I'll be your friend forever...



LOL, it's a lot simpler than it sounds.

"Vete p'al coño de tu madre, y ya no jodas mas!"

(Veh-teh pahl cone-yo day too mah-dray, ee yah no hoe-dass moss!)

The literal translation is "Go to (inside) your mother's p', and stop (f'ing around)". YMMV, though...LOL...coño, p'al, and jodas are all Cuban slang words.


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## Melian (Oct 29, 2009)

RobitusinZ said:


> LOL, it's a lot simpler than it sounds.
> 
> "Vete p'al coño de tu madre, y ya no jodas mas!"
> 
> ...




Your rep is in the mail.


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## lovelocs (Oct 30, 2009)

May rep and blessings rain down on RobitussinZ. Thank you.:bow:


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## Jackoblangada (Oct 30, 2009)

RobitusinZ said:


> LOL, it's a lot simpler than it sounds.
> 
> "Vete p'al coño de tu madre, y ya no jodas mas!"
> 
> ...



yeah...this deserves rep.


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## Fangs (Nov 8, 2009)

SanDiega said:


> Honestly, it was harder when I was younger. I remember trying to pleasure myself to an image of Michael Phelps during the 04 olympics to no avail, and wondering if I was a lesbian.
> 
> Now I don't think it is really different from being into latino guys or surfers, you just realize what you like and go after it. It's easy, breezy, and lovely.



Haha. I totally thought I was a lesbian too for a long while. 

and to the OP:
I haven't had any problems at all. Then again, I didn't go to public high school where I can imagine people being ridiculed for it. 

I can't really picture any adult saying something negative about weight. Either with FFAs or FAs. I can imagine it with SSBBW. That's when you get some stares. when it's like 500lbs +. 

But then again it's like saying you like tall men - and then saying you like SUPER tall men. If you walk into a store with an 8 foot tall person, people will look just because it's out of the norm. 

People will look if you date an 80lb woman as well.


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## Fangs (Nov 8, 2009)

rollhandler said:


> Both sides have got a hard row to hoe when it comes to societal pressures to date thin.



=/ Big hugs to everyone on these boards.

I don't know if it's just my attitude or what - but I've NEVER had a bad fat comment directed my way about who I date from "society".

I think I just have too much pride in who I date. Even if someone was going to say something... I'm too busy beaming over what a hottie I've caught :3 

I've never not dated someone because they are fat. The thought never entered my mind. Sure, I've heard about people being mean to others because of it. On TV, over the net, etc. But never in person. 

Some of the more popular kids in my elementary and junior high were fat. Then again - latin culture is latin culture.


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## Lizzy... (Nov 8, 2009)

Well maybe I just got "lucky" but I have had a horrible time being an ffa... Only ONE of all the guys I've ever dated has even been civil about it, and my family either thinks it's hilarious, or that I'm disgusting for liking what I like.:really sad:

So no I don't think it's easy at all... more like a f***ing nightmare, in fact I wish everyday that I was "normal" (whatever that means), even though there's a big part of me that would love to embrace what I am. But no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I am not a bad person, my mind can still conjure up a long (and convincing) list of reasons why I should be ashamed of myself. :sad:


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## tigerlily (Nov 8, 2009)

Lizzy... said:


> Well maybe I just got "lucky" but I have had a horrible time being an ffa... Only ONE of all the guys I've ever dated has even been civil about it, and my family either thinks it's hilarious, or that I'm disgusting for liking what I like.:really sad:
> 
> So no I don't think it's easy at all... more like a f***ing nightmare, in fact I wish everyday that I was "normal" (whatever that means), even though there's a big part of me that would love to embrace what I am. But no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I am not a bad person, my mind can still conjure up a long (and convincing) list of reasons why I should be ashamed of myself. :sad:



-hugs for you, Lizzy-

I always guilt trip myself about the health statistics. But when I try and picture myself compromising with what I want it's very difficult to deal with.

To the originally posed question.

From a societal perspective, I think it really depends. In general I would say that a thinner ffa and bhm have it a bit more easy than a couple where the man is thinner and with a bbw. 

Although, perhaps due to society's general attitude about the overweight population, being with a king size is like being with an exceptionally beautiful woman. They will have specific issues. Not every bhm is comfortable in his own skin. Often I find that there is more than a lot of mental and emotional gymnastics needed to even get close to a larger man. 

In this arena male fa's might have the advantage, because men are more used to putting themselves out there for women.


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