# sooooo a question about fa's



## goodthings (Oct 13, 2008)

I am sure this has been asked before, but I am not sure how to look it up, so I am going to post...

I am wondering if many fa's here at dims are in the puplic? I have been with a couple of men, who want 'discrete' aka i will fuck you but dont want anyone to know... I have met a man who seems like he may be a fa, but as I have never met one, I am not sure if there really are any men who are out and proud and cannot yet trust the hope i have for this guy that I have just met.

Sorry for asking all the newbie questions...


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## Chimpi (Oct 13, 2008)

Yes there are men who love fat women that are not ashamed to be out in public with fat women. Not only not ashamed to be out, but damn proud of it. Myself included.


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## furious styles (Oct 13, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Yes there are men who love fat women that are not ashamed to be out in public with fat women. Not only not ashamed to be out, but damn proud of it. Myself included.



second .


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## Fuzzy Necromancer (Oct 13, 2008)

Well, I don't randomly say to people I meet on the street "Hello! I have an attraction to fat women!" =D

However, I make no secret of my preference, and anybody who bothers to ask a thing about my taste in women will soon learn it. I don't see the point of hiding it really, and I consider dirty little secret FAs to be worthy of a good kick in the shins.


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## stan_der_man (Oct 13, 2008)

Same here, out in the open.

I prefer setting an example as opposed to being vocal about being a FA though. If somebody asks me if I'm attracted to fat women I won't hesitate to tell them yes, but I don't make a big deal about it. Being attracted to fat women is only one of many aspects of my personality, only one of my many interests. I think each FA who is public about their preference shows pride in their attraction to fat women in different ways.


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## gangstadawg (Oct 13, 2008)

Chimpi said:


> Yes there are men who love fat women that are not ashamed to be out in public with fat women. Not only not ashamed to be out, but damn proud of it. Myself included.


im one of those FAs that is proud to date bbws and ssbbws in the open. if any body in public gets out of line ill straighten em out.


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## Lovelyone (Oct 13, 2008)

I don't care about how many there are--I just want to know why none of them live near me?


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## kayrae (Oct 13, 2008)

I know there's some that live near me, I just haven't met them yet :doh:



Lovelyone said:


> I don't care about how many there are--I just want to know why none of them live near me?


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## wrestlingguy (Oct 13, 2008)

There are lots of them. Unfortunately, the ones who don't want to be seen in public outnumber the ones who do. The ratio can't be determined, since most of the "closet cases" don't participate in the forums other than to lurk.

My suggestion, talk with this guy that you've met. Just keep your BS meter running, and see if he's a true FA. You'll flush him out if he's not.


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## pinkylou (Oct 13, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> I don't care about how many there are--I just want to know why none of them live near me?




hehe dont we all!


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## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 13, 2008)

Gah, I hate me some closet FAs. 

Seriously, the whole closet thing is despicable and those involved should be shunned immediately. It's just so very reprehensible to be ashamed of the person you're attracted to.

If you're going to be a closet FA, at least have the decency to keep it to yourself, just don't bring anyone down with you, because that is just grounds for a paddling.. UNTIL DEATH.


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## B68 (Oct 13, 2008)

I was very very very proud and happy and excited when (just an example) this beautiful SSBBW walked out of the water in her sexy swimsuit and was absolutely the most feminine creature on the whole beach. 

And... she walked towards me because i was hers and she was mine and that was sooooo nice. I had to remind myself there were kids around when touching and kissing her...


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## Mythik (Oct 13, 2008)

<-- FA, out, proud, etc. 

The levels of consciousness awareness that spawn hate and contempt are just posturing; they're a pathetic attempt at shoring up our shame and self-loathing. 

When anyone is critical about me and my choices, it says a lot about them, and nothing about me.


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## Victim (Oct 13, 2008)

Closet FA's are just afraid to LIVE, plain and simple. If you care so much what the world thinks about who you love, are you really in control of your own life at all?


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## MancFA (Oct 13, 2008)

Hi goodthings, I was a little confused by what u meant by in the public but for me, similar to what fa_man_stan said, being an FA is not about me tryin to make a statement, its just one part of who I am. Im certainly not ashamed of it and if people ask me I will tell em. But at the same time I dont think I should need to have to explain myself for bein attracted to a certain type of person, same as someone who is attracted to someone with blonde hair or blue eyes or the same or opposite sex etc. doesnt/shouldnt have to. Perhaps Im wrong on this and Im more than open to people trying to convince me that I should be doing something more but its nothing to do with personality or my outlook on life so why should it matter? So Im not a SA activist but what I am starting to realise is that if I meet someone who is in some way prejudiced to larger people then I do think it is my responsibility to stand up for the community and bein part of dimensions is helping me to do that and put my point across. As for your fella, Id just say the best thing to do is ask him straight up rather than tryin to find out the long (and possibly hard) way round.


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## No-No-Badkitty (Oct 13, 2008)

MancFA said:


> Hi goodthings, I was a little confused by what u meant by in the public .




I'm not her, but I took it as meaning that "in public" means that a guy isn't afraid to hold your hand, put his arm around you, kiss you, hold you, be open about his feelings.
Having been in a relationship where I was "hidden in the closet" I know how horrible this feels. Having a guy refuse to even sit next to you in public but can't get enough of you behind closed doors...tells his friends theres "nothing" between you (right in front of you in fact) then behind closed doors profess his undying love...

yeah...it hurts...it sucks.....

Thank goodness that part of my life is behind me and I now have a guy that openly loves me....I cannot tell you how many people have told me "he loves you so much you can see it"...yeah...they're right....I can see it....and it's what makes my heart beat.


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## MancFA (Oct 13, 2008)

No-No-Badkitty said:


> I'm not her, but I took it as meaning that "in public" means that a guy isn't afraid to hold your hand, put his arm around you, kiss you, hold you, be open about his feelings.



Thanks badkitty, clears it up a bit. I think the reason I didnt quite get it was because I cant understand a guys thinking behind that, takes a great big chunk out of the enjoyment of dating/being with someone (for both people). Bein new to this discussion stuff, when I think of closeted I tend to think more of someone whos too afraid to come out and therefore doesnt actually date larger women altogether so although its cowardly of them, I tend to think of them with perhaps more sympathy rather than disdain. But if this sort of treatment of BBWs is common occurrence I can understand why they are so frowned upon in the community. Id be interested to know how many people here have had that sort of experience if theres a thread about. If not I'll probably just start my own one.


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 13, 2008)

pinkylou said:


> hehe dont we all!


*AC~HEM!*

Never, ever understood the need to be so secretive of what kind of woman you're dating/ your preference/whatever. It's silly & I seriously can't see the issue in "coming out", as it were, in this instance. Liking fat women, to me, doesn't seem like some morally reprehensible crime. I really can't see why so many have an issue with it or what their hesitation is in accepting it themselves.


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## goodthings (Oct 13, 2008)

MancFA said:


> Thanks badkitty, clears it up a bit. I think the reason I didnt quite get it was because I cant understand a guys thinking behind that, takes a great big chunk out of the enjoyment of dating/being with someone (for both people). Bein new to this discussion stuff, when I think of closeted I tend to think more of someone whos too afraid to come out and therefore doesnt actually date larger women altogether so although its cowardly of them, I tend to think of them with perhaps more sympathy rather than disdain. But if this sort of treatment of BBWs is common occurrence I can understand why they are so frowned upon in the community. Id be interested to know how many people here have had that sort of experience if theres a thread about. If not I'll probably just start my own one.



Hi,
This is why I initially asked the question. I have just met a man who may be a fa and the reason i think that is becasue he took me on a proper date and kissed me in public, and oh boy what a kiss it was. This is the FIRST time i have had a man show affection towards me so others could see. All of the other men I have had experience with are the absolute opposite. One guy persued me and when I suggested we meet he did not want to meet in the part of the city where he lived in case someone saw him with me, another guy wanted to be with me but we not could get together at his house where his roomate was, he would not even go for coffee with me, we had to go through the drive through so no one would see us, and yet another one snuck me into his room so that the roomate did not see who he brought home. It is pretty disgusting that I have allowed myself to be treated like this, however at the time I thought it was better than nothing. No that I have been treated like a lady, I really hope that I never go back to the girl who was willing to be used strictly as a sexual release, but i am also very worried that the guy I went on the date with that I like a lot and who may be a fa won't call me again....


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## B68 (Oct 13, 2008)

goodthings said:


> Hi,
> This is why I initially asked the question. I have just met a man who may be a fa and the reason i think that is becasue he took me on a proper date and kissed me in public, and oh boy what a kiss it was. This is the FIRST time i have had a man show affection towards me so others could see. All of the other men I have had experience with are the absolute opposite. One guy persued me and when I suggested we meet he did not want to meet in the part of the city where he lived in case someone saw him with me, another guy wanted to be with me but we not could get together at his house where his roomate was, he would not even go for coffee with me, we had to go through the drive through so no one would see us, and yet another one snuck me into his room so that the roomate did not see who he brought home. It is pretty disgusting that I have allowed myself to be treated like this, however at the time I thought it was better than nothing. No that I have been treated like a lady, I really hope that I never go back to the girl who was willing to be used strictly as a sexual release, but i am also very worried that the guy I went on the date with that I like a lot and who may be a fa won't call me again....



That was also the reason i replied with my example. It is a beautiful memory from just a man and just a FA. It wasn't meant to be a showcase for bystanders at the time. Hell, i had something else on my mind...

I just wanted to show there are a lot of us out there. And a lot of us are so open we just don't realise it anymore. 

And you have to save your moment, no matter how it will end. Everyone of us, being thin, big or fat has to have moments on which to build upon. You made someone feel and show passion towards you in public. That's rewarding to all people as no one is ever 100% secure.


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## olwen (Oct 13, 2008)

BothGunsBlazing said:


> Gah, I hate me some closet FAs.
> 
> Seriously, the whole closet thing is despicable and those involved should be shunned immediately. It's just so very reprehensible to be ashamed of the person you're attracted to.
> 
> If you're going to be a closet FA, at least have the decency to keep it to yourself, just don't bring anyone down with you, because that is just grounds for a paddling.. UNTIL DEATH.



Does a good hard paddling really need an excuse?


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## olwen (Oct 13, 2008)

MancFA said:


> Thanks badkitty, clears it up a bit. I think the reason I didn’t quite get it was because I can’t understand a guys thinking behind that, takes a great big chunk out of the enjoyment of dating/being with someone (for both people). Bein new to this discussion stuff, when I think of &#8216;closeted’ I tend to think more of someone who’s too afraid to &#8216;come out’ and therefore doesn’t actually date larger women altogether so although it’s cowardly of them, I tend to think of them with perhaps more sympathy rather than disdain. But if this sort of treatment of BBWs is common occurrence I can understand why they are so frowned upon in the community. I’d be interested to know how many people here have had that sort of experience if there’s a thread about. If not I'll probably just start my own one.



I've always assumed "closeted" just meant "secret." Those types still like what they like, but only in secret. I've never understood it to mean a person is so afraid of their sexuality that they don't express it at all. 

Anyway, this sort of treatment is very common. There are tons of threads about it.


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## indy500tchr (Oct 13, 2008)

Lovelyone said:


> I don't care about how many there are--I just want to know why none of them live near me?



Amen sister. I've always said that Indiana has no FA's or those who are have already been taken.


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## MancFA (Oct 13, 2008)

olwen said:


> I've always assumed "closeted" just meant "secret." Those types still like what they like, but only in secret. I've never understood it to mean a person is so afraid of their sexuality that they don't express it at all.
> 
> Anyway, this sort of treatment is very common. There are tons of threads about it.



Its a term Ive only recently heard about, at least in relation to FAs so I guess Ive not really considered it too much as of yet. Personally, to me liking BBWs is a major preference, rather than a completely separate form of sexuality to broader heterosexuality (although I realise many FAs might exclusively date larger women). Myself, Ive dated curvy/chubby girls (who perhaps would not be classed as a BBW) that I have still been attracted to  size is not the only factor for me  so I kinda assumed that these closet FAs just kept their desires for the larger women to the realms of fantasy for fear of peer pressure and stuck with the smaller girls as unhealthy/unsatisfying as that may be. Indeed Ive read a couple of threads somewhere where I got this impression, although they seem to be younger members as a rule. I felt that was a lot more likely/common than someone actually trying to be with a BBW in secret which just seems like a bad idea for so many reasons. Maybe a bit naïve, I dont know, but not knowing of any other FAs in the real world(closeted or not) and not having been here that long, I dont have much insight other than my own experience as of yet - but hey I'm learnin more and more right now. Perhaps I think too highly of other mens morals!


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## Lovelyone (Oct 13, 2008)

MancFA said:


> *snip*...
> So Im not a SA activist but what I am starting to realise is that if I meet someone who is in some way prejudiced to larger people then I do think it is my responsibility to stand up for the community and bein part of dimensions is helping me to do that and put my point across. (and possibly hard) way round.
> *snip*


 
This is EXACTLY what MAKES you an SA activist.


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## olwen (Oct 13, 2008)

MancFA said:


> It’s a term I’ve only recently heard about, at least in relation to FAs so I guess I’ve not really considered it too much as of yet. Personally, to me liking BBWs is a major preference, rather than a completely separate form of sexuality to broader heterosexuality (although I realise many FAs might exclusively date larger women). Myself, I’ve dated curvy/chubby girls (who perhaps would not be classed as a BBW) that I have still been attracted to &#8211; size is not the only factor for me &#8211; so I kinda assumed that these &#8216;closet FAs’ just kept their desires for the larger women to the realms of fantasy for fear of peer pressure and stuck with the smaller girls as unhealthy/unsatisfying as that may be. Indeed I’ve read a couple of threads somewhere where I got this impression, although they seem to be younger members as a rule. I felt that was a lot more likely/common than someone actually trying to be with a BBW in secret which just seems like a bad idea for so many reasons. Maybe a bit naïve, I don’t know, but not knowing of any other FAs in the real world(closeted or not) and not having been here that long, I don’t have much insight other than my own experience as of yet - but hey I'm learnin more and more right now. Perhaps I think too highly of other men’s morals!




Your attitude is refreshing. I'm glad this whole closet stuff seems strange to you. I only wish more fat lovin people felt that way. I know what you mean about this sort of conflict being a function of age, but I think it may be spread out pretty evenly over all ages...but no matter the age it's just plain frustrating. And I like your idea better - if they are unsure they shouldn't try to be with anyone.


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## southernfa (Oct 13, 2008)

This came up in another conversation recently and I realised that I only ever once dated someone primarily because of physical attraction and that was a mistake. I'd call myself an FA but quantified physical characteristics are a fairly small part of the equation in real life attraction. In fact, now that I think on it, the biggest BBW I ever dated, I never had any chemistry with, even though I thought I ought to for a while there. She is still a dear friend though.

I think one of the best things about being an FA is it makes room for variety. We humans do actually come in all shapes and sizes and the idea that everyone should aspire to an ideal shape/size/BMI strikes me as, if nothing else, just plain boring.


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## fiore (Oct 13, 2008)

I've dated guys like that, where everything is wonderful until suddenly his friends/coworkers/family are around, and he won't touch me with a ten foot pole. That is, of course, until the doors are closed. 

I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, it reassures me that even though many guys are shy about it or embarrassed, I am damn sexy. And I think, I'm hot, but it's SOCIETY'S PROBLEM! 

And then on the other hand I think, society??? screw that, i don't deserve this crap! And I'm not going to let this guy think it's okay to be embarrassed to be seen with me. More often than not, I'm proud to say, I lean in this direction. I am pretty cute, and I wonder why these guys don't think to themselves, well, If I think she's cute, isn't there a chance that other people will think the same thing? Apparently they don't think that way.

So what do you do? Hold your ground? Or take it where you can get it in the meantime? It's a dilemma. :doh:


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## Mac5689 (Oct 13, 2008)

wow, this si the first thred i've come across where i can't really imput because well...........(take the silence for what u want to think)

sure i've told people, but granted none of them were famliy and they were all woman (i didn't date any of them, though i did some naughty thoughts about two of them) so really idk if i;m a "closet" FA or not.


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## olwen (Oct 13, 2008)

fiore said:


> I've dated guys like that, where everything is wonderful until suddenly his friends/coworkers/family are around, and he won't touch me with a ten foot pole. That is, of course, until the doors are closed.
> 
> I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, it reassures me that even though many guys are shy about it or embarrassed, I am damn sexy. And I think, I'm hot, but it's SOCIETY'S PROBLEM!
> 
> ...



No, there is no dilemma. 

I'm sorry, but there is no other way for me to sugar coat this or say it without coming off harsly: Do you really really believe you should take it where you can get it? Is the attention and the sex worth that much to you? Is it worth your dignity? Seriously? No, I don't think so. Fuck that. You are worth more than that. And you still have to live with yourself when the guy is gone, and he will go once he realizes you have a problem with how he treats you cause he won't care to stick around if he has to actually do work. How will you feel knowing you let some jackass give you the business? To expect anything other than respect from the person you are with, means you're giving them permission to abuse you. That kind of wishy-washy bullshit treatment is abusive behavior. It is and they know it. They know they are getting away with it. No one should stand for it. Better to stay away from those kinds of guys altogether.


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## kayrae (Oct 13, 2008)

aww... I'm happy that you've found someone to love. I feel like having a girly moment with us drinking hot chocolate and you telling me your love story 



No-No-Badkitty said:


> I'm not her, but I took it as meaning that "in public" means that a guy isn't afraid to hold your hand, put his arm around you, kiss you, hold you, be open about his feelings.
> Having been in a relationship where I was "hidden in the closet" I know how horrible this feels. Having a guy refuse to even sit next to you in public but can't get enough of you behind closed doors...tells his friends theres "nothing" between you (right in front of you in fact) then behind closed doors profess his undying love...
> 
> yeah...it hurts...it sucks.....
> ...


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## steely (Oct 13, 2008)

Olwen has a very good point.It is lack of respect to you.If you don't demand that respect no one will give it to you,Fiore.Demand more,you're worth it.We all are worth it.


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## Haunted (Oct 13, 2008)

Oh we are out there we even have our own Website Now !!!!!!

www.fat-admirers.com

Still kinda under construction But it's off and running


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## Fascinita (Oct 14, 2008)

fiore said:


> I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, it reassures me that even though many guys are shy about it or embarrassed, I am damn sexy. And I think, I'm hot, but it's SOCIETY'S PROBLEM!



Look at it this way: Who is society? Who is it that makes it so it's not OK to be seen with fat women? Why... It's people who won't be seen with fat women, that's who.

The problem is the person who won't be seen with you in public. That's who society is. If he wants to play victim, don't let him drag you down with him.

You are worth all good things. Don't settle.

Hugs.


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## Blockierer (Oct 14, 2008)

I have a fat wife and I love being an FA.
I love to show that I am an FA: www.fat-admirers.com


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## goofy girl (Oct 14, 2008)

goodthings said:


> I am sure this has been asked before, but I am not sure how to look it up, so I am going to post...
> 
> I am wondering if many fa's here at dims are in the puplic? I have been with a couple of men, who want 'discrete' aka i will fuck you but dont want anyone to know... I have met a man who seems like he may be a fa, but as I have never met one, I am not sure if there really are any men who are out and proud and cannot yet trust the hope i have for this guy that I have just met.
> 
> Sorry for asking all the newbie questions...



I'm not sure that any of the FA's here would admit to still being a closet FA even if they were.


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 14, 2008)

goofy girl said:


> I'm not sure that any of the FA's here would admit to still being a closet FA even if they were.



Given the way we sort of hound them (& rather rightfully so), I guess not.
But the way I see it is how Stan (at least, I _think_ it was Stan) put it. The "closeted" guys are probably more likely those that are hanging back in the wings lurking & not posting. A guy who's more open about it would be posting here more often & not only on Size Acceptance issues, but also in, like silly, fun threads in The Lounge & stuff. I have no basis for this whatsoever, but I'm assuming that an open FA on this site is going to have more to say than just "Yeah, I like fat girls" or whatever. He's going to be a bit more relaxed & join in the fun a bit more & stuff. Again, completely ungrounded, but it's a theory...


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## B68 (Oct 14, 2008)

Maxx,

I think you're right. The out of the closet FA's don't think about hiding and show themselves.

Some think i'm thinking to easy about coming out. Not true, i had to overcome some fear, but it didn't took me long for several reasons. 

-I could never have repressed the feelings i have for the abundance of fat feminine curves. The feelings are just to strong and feel right, no matter to what others think.

-Hiding would have meant that i indirectly hurt the women i think are sexy.

-I've seen the damage people can cause themselves when they don't go for their dreams


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## T_Devil (Oct 14, 2008)

goodthings said:


> I am sure this has been asked before, but I am not sure how to look it up, so I am going to post...
> 
> I am wondering if many fa's here at dims are in the puplic? I have been with a couple of men, who want 'discrete' aka i will fuck you but dont want anyone to know... I have met a man who seems like he may be a fa, but as I have never met one, I am not sure if there really are any men who are out and proud and cannot yet trust the hope i have for this guy that I have just met.
> 
> Sorry for asking all the newbie questions...


This is a picture of me. Guess where I am. Here's a hint...




 
I'm willing to put it out there. Why?
Why the hell not?

Scumbag closet cases can have a tall cool glass of fuck off. There should be no questions like "_Is he?_" or "_Isn't he?_"
If he is, there should be NO question. That's just how I feel though. I have balls, a lot of guys don't.


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## Dromond (Oct 14, 2008)

I've never been ashamed of the kind of woman I'm attracted to. I don't make a big deal out of it normally, but nobody better disrespect my lady. They'll be wearing my shoe print on their ass if they try.


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## Allie Cat (Oct 14, 2008)

I'm pretty open, but I think people think I'm closeted because I'm shy and don't flirt with anyone, like, ever. But if people ask about it I am very open with my love of squishy girls


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## fiore (Oct 14, 2008)

Clearly I'm not the only one that's experienced this, or else this thread wouldn't have started in the first place. These guys don't exactly introduce themselves with, "I won't want to be seen with you," it reveals itself over time. It's all well and good to jump up on a soapbox, but in reality sometimes it is better to accept an invitation to go out than sit home with your principles. Dating is hard as a bigger lady. It sucks, in fact. Sometimes you take your chances with a person and it turns out they're a bastard, what can I say. But you have to keep trying because eventually one of these guys won't be a bastard, right? I'm not saying "Let yourself get walked on" I'm saying, "try to roll with the punches" and maybe even "enjoy yourself"


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## Fascinita (Oct 14, 2008)

fiore said:


> I'm saying, "try to roll with the punches" and maybe even "enjoy yourself"



No more punches for me, thanks. I feel I took enough, out of sheer inexperience and stupidity.

If those were the only choices, I'd rather sit at home than be out telling myself to "enjoy myself" through the humiliation of being treated like a secret.

But I'm not saying anyone _should_ sit at home. You can smell these fuckers a mile away; it doesn't take a year to figure out that, jeez, we've been going "out" all this time, but we've never actually left the house.

I enjoy my life on my own terms. And I don't give the time of day to closet cases. And as soon as I get a whiff of "let's be discreet," I'm out of there faster than a roadrunner in the Arizona desert. 

It's not a soapbox. It's a sense of my own worth. Works for me.


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## olwen (Oct 15, 2008)

fiore said:


> Clearly I'm not the only one that's experienced this, or else this thread wouldn't have started in the first place. These guys don't exactly introduce themselves with, "I won't want to be seen with you," it reveals itself over time. It's all well and good to jump up on a soapbox, but in reality sometimes it is better to accept an invitation to go out than sit home with your principles. Dating is hard as a bigger lady. It sucks, in fact. Sometimes you take your chances with a person and it turns out they're a bastard, what can I say. But you have to keep trying because eventually one of these guys won't be a bastard, right? I'm not saying "Let yourself get walked on" I'm saying, "try to roll with the punches" and maybe even "enjoy yourself"



Yes exactly, you're not the only one who's experienced this, and it does reveal itself over time....once I realize it tho, it's no way jose. I just refuse to put up with it ever again. I'm not gonna do it. I've learned from enough closeted jerks what to look for tho from day one. Any sign of closeted behavior and I'm gone. There's no rolling with any punches. There shouldn't be any punches in the first place. There's no reason not to enjoy yourself - with guys that will respect you. I respect myself, so why can't they respect me too? And dating is hard for everybody, not just fat people.


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## furious styles (Oct 15, 2008)

olwen said:


> And dating is hard for everybody, not just fat people.



I think that gets forgotten a lot, in discussions like this on dims.


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## olwen (Oct 15, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> I think that gets forgotten a lot, in discussions like this on dims.



Yeah, it does. It's understandable tho....how many of us didn't learn dating skills early on (I didn't learn them until after I turned 30!) or were traumatized about our fat to the point where we avoided dating/social situations all together....I know, five years ago, if someone had said to me, everybody has dating problems, I'd have rolled my eyes. But now, you know, to listen to my thin friends talk about their dating woes, and be able to compare them to my own...I can see that it really is universal.


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## superodalisque (Oct 15, 2008)

there are a lot of guys out there who have no prob being out with a bbw. a lot of them don't even call themselves FAs. if they like a woman and they are attracted thats enough. i wouldn't waste my time with someone who is ashamed of me. i'm nothing to be ashamed of. i'm something to be proud of. don't ever let a weak person convince you that you are something to be ashamed of. don't let them use you as a learning curve. you are too good for that. if i ever had an inkling that any man was ashamed of me that would be the end of it. friends to talk but definitely not more. i wouldn't want someone ashamed to be seen with me touching me. thats just too much disrespect. sounds like the guys you are talking about are really too emotionally weak to be with any woman let alone a bbw. they need to do some internal work first and find out why they don't have the strength to be who they really are.



Cuz a real man knows a real woman when he sees her 
And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her 
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first 
And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth 

young miss keyes speaks the truth


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## Dromond (Oct 15, 2008)

superodalisque said:


> there are a lot of guys out there who have no prob being out with a bbw. *a lot of them don't even call themselves FAs. if they like a woman and they are attracted thats enough.* i wouldn't waste my time with someone who is ashamed of me. i'm nothing to be ashamed of. i'm something to be proud of. if i ever had an inkling that any man was ashamed of me that would be the end of it. friends but definitely not more. i wouldn't want someone ashamed to be seen with me touching me. thats just too much disrespect. sounds like the guys you are talking about are really too emotionally weak to be with any woman let alone a bbw. they need to do some internal work first and find out why they don't have the strength to be who they really are.



The part in bold struck home.

I am attracted to larger ladies and have never made a secret of it. But I've never called myself a FA. The reason I do not is because of the nature of my attraction. To me, the larger form is a simple aesthetic attraction. Like some men are attracted to red hair or green eyes, for instance. I do not feel a sense of propriety over my partner's fatness, nor would I discourage her from losing weight.

It's possible, of course, that I misunderstand what a FA really is.


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## superodalisque (Oct 15, 2008)

Dromond said:


> The part in bold struck home.
> 
> I am attracted to larger ladies and have never made a secret of it. But I've never called myself a FA. The reason I do not is because of the nature of my attraction. To me, the larger form is a simple aesthetic attraction. Like some men are attracted to red hair or green eyes, for instance. I do not feel a sense of propriety over my partner's fatness, nor would I discourage her from losing weight.
> 
> It's possible, of course, that I misunderstand what a FA really is.



i don't know since i'm not an FA. but personally i think its enough that you can know who you are. the rest isn't all that important anyway. its what you like and how you want to live thats important. actually i think its nice that you don't lable yourself. i mean most men don't go around calling themselves breastmen their entire lives and defining themselves that way at every turn. or do they?


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## Dromond (Oct 15, 2008)

You laugh, but some men do label themselves like that. Go figure.


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 15, 2008)

Dromond said:


> The part in bold struck home.
> 
> I am attracted to larger ladies and have never made a secret of it. But I've never called myself a FA. The reason I do not is because of the nature of my attraction. To me, the larger form is a simple aesthetic attraction. Like some men are attracted to red hair or green eyes, for instance. I do not feel a sense of propriety over my partner's fatness, nor would I discourage her from losing weight.
> 
> It's possible, of course, that I misunderstand what a FA really is.



That's a thing too. I don't understand the necessity to label everything (especially with acronyms; BBW, FA, etc.). Up until a few years ago all I knew about FA was it's connection to football.

It's simply a preference, not a cut & dried choice, like. Hell, I don't even refer to myself as an FA (mostly because the term sounds really damn sleazy & I don't really need any additional amount of sleaze around me).

Do I like fat women? Of course. Do I like blonde women? Yeah. Is either quality ABSOLUTELY necessary in a partner? Not entirely. Obviously (without wanting to sound like a sap) it's personality that matters the most, but you've got to have a physical attraction there first before you start exploring inside...

I've gone SOOOO off-topic here. Probably best to ignore this post...:blush:


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## Scorsese86 (Oct 15, 2008)

I don't care what other people think really. Why should that matter? If I like a girl, and she's "plus size", why the hell should I hide it?
No, I'm not a closet FA. I am very much open about it. Wouldn't mind going out in public with a BBW. Like someone before me wrote: "I would be proud".


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## LillyBBBW (Oct 15, 2008)

fiore said:


> Clearly I'm not the only one that's experienced this, or else this thread wouldn't have started in the first place. These guys don't exactly introduce themselves with, "I won't want to be seen with you," it reveals itself over time. It's all well and good to jump up on a soapbox, but in reality *sometimes it is better to accept an invitation to go out than sit home with your principles.* Dating is hard as a bigger lady. It sucks, in fact. Sometimes you take your chances with a person and it turns out they're a bastard, what can I say. But you have to keep trying because eventually one of these guys won't be a bastard, right? I'm not saying "Let yourself get walked on" I'm saying, "try to roll with the punches" and maybe even "enjoy yourself"



I understand where you're coming from and thought that way at one time. I thought as long as he's cute, a good kisser and has a decent package who cares what he thinks but being around him became intolerable real quick. When you have a shitty day, you're having a personal crisis, you are up for a promotion of some sort where you are competing against others the last thing you need is some palsied wheezer who thinks being seen with you is a blemish on his image. WTF!! Especially if you're a hard working decent person with throngs of people vying for your company, talents or expertise. If you're Jennifer Hudson, for example, and some prick will only see you in the back of his car in an alley you think, "I don't have to deal with this shit." It allows you to view the person in a much more realistic light. "This guy's a fcuking moron!" Maybe I'm a conceited jerk but I don't think so. I don't have to put up with this and would rather be sitting at home shaving my feet with a Pedegg than sitting with a goon like that. He's beneath me.


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## Green Eyed Fairy (Oct 15, 2008)

Fascinita said:


> No more punches for me, thanks. I feel I took enough, out of sheer inexperience and stupidity.
> 
> If those were the only choices, I'd rather sit at home than be out telling myself to "enjoy myself" through the humiliation of being treated like a secret.
> 
> ...



I concur.....also, I have learned from personal experience, they don't always want to keep you a secret because you are fat....but because they might be seeing other people, married or simply shopping around to better deal you. 

Yeah, bottom line is if a man wants to sweep you under the carpet, then he has only HIS best interest in my mind and couldn't care less about you. Why entrust your body,time and maybe even your emotions, with a person like that?



LillyBBBW said:


> Maybe I'm a conceited jerk but I don't think so. I don't have to put up with this and would rather be sitting at home shaving my feet with a Pedegg than sitting with a goon like that. He's beneath me.




You know Lilly....this was how I knew I had made the right decision to dump a former bf. Time with my body butters and pedegg was preferable to spending another minute with him..... :happy:


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## Still a Skye fan (Oct 16, 2008)

Nope...I've never tried to hide my preferences.

On any given weekend at the local mall or any public place, you'll see loads of happy looking guys out in public with their girls...many who aren't skinny, many who are and many who are in between.

One of my greatest joys is being out in public with a beautiful gal on my arm and I don't care what her scale says.


Dennis

PS: I never knew we had our own website! I'll check out "fat-admirers.com" as soon as I can.


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## squidgemonster (Oct 16, 2008)

I love to be seen with my SSBBW,kissing in public blows my mind,I think ,to hell with them,let them stare,no closet for me..only wish my GF had the bravour to match her heart,as she has a form of agoraphobia,and often freaks out at even the thought of being seen by strangers,and its hard for her to conquer this.


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## Haunted (Oct 16, 2008)

Still a Skye fan said:


> Nope...I've never tried to hide my preferences.
> 
> On any given weekend at the local mall or any public place, you'll see loads of happy looking guys out in public with their girls...many who aren't skinny, many who are and many who are in between.
> 
> ...



Please Submit a photo To [email protected] The requirements are on the Home page!


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## Still a Skye fan (Oct 16, 2008)

I'll send in a pic tomorrow.


Dennis


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## Falcon (Oct 17, 2008)

You know what, to me, is odd about all this? I love being seen in public with my wife but _she's the one who is sometimes reluctant to be seen in public with me._ And the reason is because she thinks we look funny next to each other. I'm 6-2 and 190 and she's a foot shorter and about 100 pounds heavier and she says when we walk down the street together we look like the number 10. 

Having said that, when I'm with her in public I make a point to be attentive and (appropriately) affectionate. I hold her hand, I don't mind getting wet when I hold the umbrella for her, I smile at her when our eyes meet and I occasionally ask her if she needs anything -- if there's anything I can get for her. One of my favorite moments is when another woman notices and smacks her man in the arm and says, "why don't you do that for me?"

Part of the reason I do all this with my wife is because I enjoy being chivalrous; most of it is because I'm in love with her.


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## Surlysomething (Oct 17, 2008)

Falcon said:


> You know what, to me, is odd about all this? I love being seen in public with my wife but _she's the one who is sometimes reluctant to be seen in public with me._ And the reason is because she thinks we look funny next to each other. I'm 6-2 and 190 and she's a foot shorter and about 100 pounds heavier and she says when we walk down the street together we look like the number 10.
> 
> Having said that, when I'm with her in public I make a point to be attentive and (appropriately) affectionate. I hold her hand, I don't mind getting wet when I hold the umbrella for her, I smile at her when our eyes meet and I occasionally ask her if she needs anything -- if there's anything I can get for her. One of my favorite moments is when another woman notices and smacks her man in the arm and says, "why don't you do that for me?"
> 
> *Part of the reason I do all this with my wife is because I enjoy being chivalrous; most of it is because I'm in love with her*.



Reading this just made my day.


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 17, 2008)

More I think about the more I come to think I'm probably more embarrassed of the fact I'm a wrestling fan than an FA. I mean, I could proudly go out on the street with a 400lbs woman or something, but I'd just die if people saw me in my Jeff Jarrett T-Shirt


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## pinkylou (Oct 18, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> More I think about the more I come to think I'm probably more embarrassed of the fact I'm a wrestling fan than an FA. I mean, I could proudly go out on the street with a 400lbs woman or something, but I'd just die if people saw me in my Jeff Jarrett T-Shirt



wrestling's hot 

especially when you move the sofas back and have a good old go at each other


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## squidgemonster (Oct 19, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> More I think about the more I come to think I'm probably more embarrassed of the fact I'm a wrestling fan than an FA. I mean, I could proudly go out on the street with a 400lbs woman or something, but I'd just die if people saw me in my Jeff Jarrett T-Shirt



Well diont be,Im a big Undertaker fan,and my 10 year old daughter loves Matt Hardy and Triple H,plus I have lots of Dvdsof classic 80s and 90s action that my GF likes best.


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## Jon Blaze (Oct 19, 2008)

No problem. We all have different experiences.

As I've said before, I'm between yelling it to the world and it being a personal thing. It's not because I'm afraid: It's just how I roll. I always tell the truth when asked, and that's probably the most important piece to the puzzle for me. I throw it out randomnly at times, or when the conversation I'm in sort of moves into something related, but that's about it. Either that, or something I have gives people the idea. lol


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## wrestlingguy (Oct 20, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> More I think about the more I come to think I'm probably more embarrassed of the fact I'm a wrestling fan than an FA. I mean, I could proudly go out on the street with a 400lbs woman or something, but I'd just die if people saw me in my Jeff Jarrett T-Shirt




How DARE you be embarrassed because of your preference to TNA!!!!!!!

Actually, I think people are typically surprised to see that rational people like you enjoy what goes on in the squared circle, since most folks think pro wrestling is just for kids, and those with an IQ of 50 or less.

I'm thrilled that I have an opportunity to enjoy it up close & personal, and even make a few bucks from the promotion that my partner and I run.

Also, being an FA to me means that it's just another part of my life that makes me who I am. I don't wear my FA dom on my sleeve, don't put up signs or posters, but I certainly don't hide it from people, and when questions come up because someone "on the outside" sees one of Carla's pics from her paysite, I am very open and honest with this topic.

Next step...........to unite my two passions. How about BBW wrestling at the next New Jersey Bash?


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## Haunted (Oct 20, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> How DARE you be embarrassed because of your preference to TNA!!!!!!!
> 
> Actually, I think people are typically surprised to see that rational people like you enjoy what goes on in the squared circle, since most folks think pro wrestling is just for kids, and those with an IQ of 50 or less.
> 
> ...



Why stop there i think it should be a televised event !!!!!!


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## LoveBHMS (Oct 21, 2008)

I'm openly an FFA. 

Candidly I don't see how I could hide it nor would I bother trying to do so.

I work in a restaurant/bar and when we talk about who we think is hot, for me it's the fat guy and when people say "you think he's cute? really?" I always say "yes, I've always found bigger guys to be sexy." 

Also when a cute fat guy walks in, i'll typically look and it's not uncommon for me to mention to a coworker that I think this or that customer is attractive.

One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is that we are rarely, if ever, the center of anyone else's lives. People have stuff to do. They work, they take care of their kids, they go out with their friends, they watch or play sports, they care for sick spouses or relatives, they travel. 

Almost nobody devotes much time to worrying over somebody else's sexual fetish or preference or whatever we're calling it now. Seriously, if anyone EVER should tell me they took time out of their busy day to think about me being hot for fat guys, I'll become closeted.


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## lovebbws13 (Oct 21, 2008)

I've dated big girls in public and there are big girls that I've met that just want to have a one night thing or just stay behind closed doors. I don't mind the public thing. I think if anyone has a problem with it, then it's their own problem to deal with.

My only issue is with the way some of the girls tend to dress. All I ask for is some effort to look nice. I also don't see a problem with the short skirts and heels and all like that either. What kills me is hearing "oh my legs look fat in that". I mean really...accept who you are. Just because a girl is big doesnt mean that if we go on a date, she has to find the biggest and baggiest tshirt and sweatpants that she can to try to "hide". I ask people out for a reason and I'm not embarrassed to be seen with whoever I date.


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## Fascinita (Oct 21, 2008)

lovebbws13 said:


> What kills me is hearing "oh my legs look fat in that". I mean really...accept who you are. Just because a girl is big doesnt mean that if we go on a date, she has to find the biggest and baggiest tshirt and sweatpants that she can to try to "hide". I ask people out for a reason and I'm not embarrassed to be seen with whoever I date.



Well, now that we know how you really feel about it, we will certainly try to accept who we are and dress better and not embarrass you so much in our baggy sweatpants the next time you decide to cut loose and take us out to Denny's for some fine cuisine! Your wish is our command, baby!


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## Surlysomething (Oct 21, 2008)

lovebbws13 said:


> My only issue is with the way some of the girls tend to dress. All I ask for is some effort to look nice. I also don't see a problem with the short skirts and heels and all like that either. What kills me is hearing "oh my legs look fat in that". I mean really...accept who you are. Just because a girl is big doesnt mean that if we go on a date, she has to find the biggest and baggiest tshirt and sweatpants that she can to try to "hide". I ask people out for a reason and I'm not embarrassed to be seen with whoever I date.



I know what you're getting at but it's not a fat thing. It's a people thing.
And in my opinion, a self esteem thing. A LOT of people are self conscious of what they look like and dressing in baggy clothes makes them feel comfortable. It also doesn't bring much attention to them. 

I realized when I stopped wearing that type of outfit everywhere I went that my world opened up quite a bit. I look SO much better in clothes that fit me and hug my curves. But not everyone has the confidence to do that. If you don't find someone attractive then you shouldn't be dating them though, right?


People of ALL sizes should DRESS THEIR SIZE. Best advice I could ever give after working in a clothing store.


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## mossystate (Oct 21, 2008)

Baggy clothing does not always scream low self esteem. If that were the case, then lots of men ( fat..thin ) who live in baggy shorts...tees...baseball caps...are telling the world they don't care about themselves...right? 

Or, is this just another tired bit of telling women how we should look, and if we don't look that way...well, be prepared to be analyzed. There are people who hide behind clothing. There are people who wear very little clothing...and are hiding.

This is about you wanting to see more skin or a certain type of clothing. I would not assume about every woman you see that is not dressed how you think they should be dressed. I am all for looking ' nice '. If the woman is wearing a sweatshirt with Winnie The Pooh on it...then...ok...that crosses a line..no matter where you are going.


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## babyjeep21 (Oct 21, 2008)

Surlysomething said:


> People of ALL sizes should DRESS THEIR SIZE. Best advice I could ever give after working in a clothing store.



I could not agree with you more... 100%


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## Surlysomething (Oct 21, 2008)

mossystate said:


> If the woman is wearing a sweatshirt with Winnie The Pooh on it...then...ok...that crosses a line..no matter where you are going.



Pssst...same goes for Nascar.


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 21, 2008)

wrestlingguy said:


> How DARE you be embarrassed because of your preference to TNA!!!!!!!
> 
> Actually, I think people are typically surprised to see that rational people like you enjoy what goes on in the squared circle, since most folks think pro wrestling is just for kids, and those with an IQ of 50 or less.
> 
> ...



Only 'cause everything not done by AJ Styles, Beer Money Inc. or the women seems to suck right now (stupid Vince Russo)...:blush:

Some of the most intelligent people I know are wrestling fans. My old history teacher was a massive fan of The Undertaker

Okay, not trying to de-rail the thread...





"I'm Just Sayin'..."


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## olwen (Oct 21, 2008)

lovebbws13 said:


> I've dated big girls in public and there are big girls that I've met that just want to have a one night thing or just stay behind closed doors. I don't mind the public thing. I think if anyone has a problem with it, then it's their own problem to deal with.
> 
> My only issue is with the way some of the girls tend to dress. All I ask for is some effort to look nice. I also don't see a problem with the short skirts and heels and all like that either. What kills me is hearing "oh my legs look fat in that". I mean really...accept who you are. Just because a girl is big doesnt mean that if we go on a date, she has to find the biggest and baggiest tshirt and sweatpants that she can to try to "hide". I ask people out for a reason and I'm not embarrassed to be seen with whoever I date.



LOL, sweatpants on a date?!? Maybe she didn't realize it was an actual date. She could have just thought it was a hangout. I hear that's what the kids are doing these days. Or maybe she was only looking to get into your pants just the once and didn't really care what you thought of her. Just sayin. But I will say this, I don't like hip-hop fashion for men, never have. Uber baggy clothes = vomit. For me, it's a total turn off, but you know, that's the way some guys like to dress. They just aren't for me. Give me a guy in fitted/snug jeans any day. Yum.

High heels = pain. I refuse to do it. So when I show up on a date in flat shoes or boots or a pair of converse, the guy just has to deal with it. But so far, no one's ever complained. Besides which, high heels look best about 5 inches above a guy's head anyway. 

I do however know a rather thin petite girl who wears 5 inch heels because she thinks she looks "stumpy" without them. She can't go two blocks in high heels, and even tho she carries flat shoes in her bag, she refuses to change into them. So it takes us an eternity to walk two blocks. The whole thing makes me laugh and cringe at the same time. All I can do is shake my head.


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## TraciJo67 (Oct 23, 2008)

mossystate said:


> If the woman is wearing a sweatshirt with Winnie The Pooh on it...then...ok...that crosses a line..no matter where you are going.



Is there a special dispensation for mothers of toddlers?


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## B68 (Oct 23, 2008)

TraciJo67 said:


> Is there a special dispensation for mothers of toddlers?



Yes there is


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## mossystate (Oct 23, 2008)

B68 said:


> Yes there is



Don't encourage that...for fuck's sake!!!!!!!

My dear, departed mother...10 kids and never a cartoon character on an article of clothing. Thanks Mom!!! Oh...wait...she was given a few pairs of PJ's...holstein splotches..and..tiny doggies on a blue background. I have the top to those...it in no way fits...just a sweet momento.


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## B68 (Oct 23, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Don't encourage that...for fuck's sake!!!!!!!
> 
> My dear, departed mother...10 kids and never a cartoon character on an article of clothing. Thanks Mom!!! Oh...wait...she was given a few pairs of PJ's...holstein splotches..and..tiny doggies on a blue background. I have the top to those...it in no way fits...just a sweet momento.



Thanks. My brain just exploded...


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## mossystate (Oct 23, 2008)

B68 said:


> Thanks. My brain just exploded...



* hands you a mop *

Get to cleaning it up, boy.


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## KHayes666 (Oct 23, 2008)

Maxx Awesome said:


> Only 'cause everything not done by AJ Styles, Beer Money Inc. or the women seems to suck right now (stupid Vince Russo)...:blush:
> 
> Some of the most intelligent people I know are wrestling fans. My old history teacher was a massive fan of The Undertaker
> 
> ...



I see your Gregory Helms and I raise you...


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## Maxx Awesome (Oct 25, 2008)

KHayes666 said:


> I see your Gregory Helms and I raise you...


WHA'SUPWI'DAT?!


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## topquark (Oct 30, 2008)

"And you have to save your moment, no matter how it will end. Everyone of us, being thin, big or fat has to have moments on which to build upon. You made someone feel and show passion towards you in public. That's rewarding to all people as no one is ever 100% secure."

that's really good dude. live like you're gonna die tomorrow. and yeah, i'll love on a big girl in public. anyone doesn't like it can get bent


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## marlowegarp (Oct 30, 2008)

Does my "Fat Chicks Only" t-shirt count?


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## furious styles (Oct 30, 2008)

marlowegarp said:


> Does my "Fat Chicks Only" t-shirt count?



nay, that makes you superficial and a bad person for not being bi-sizual.


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## BothGunsBlazing (Oct 30, 2008)

mfdoom said:


> nay, that makes you superficial and a bad person for not being bi-sizual.



superficial .. like a fox!

where all the fatties at?


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## velia (Oct 30, 2008)

mossystate said:


> Don't encourage that...for fuck's sake!!!!!!!
> 
> My dear, departed mother...10 kids and never a cartoon character on an article of clothing. Thanks Mom!!! Oh...wait...she was given a few pairs of PJ's...holstein splotches..and..tiny doggies on a blue background. I have the top to those...it in no way fits...just a sweet momento.



As a soon-to-be-Mom, I solemnly vow NEVER to own an article of clothing with a cartoon character on it. My Mom never embarrassed me in that way, and I have no intentions of doing that to my child.

...But cartoon character undies... do those count?


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## bbwsrule (Oct 31, 2008)

I always find it touching to see couples loving it up in public, and from what I see they come in all shapes and sizes. I see LOTS of "overweight" women being admired in public by their partners. What is less common is when the woman is really large (SSBBW). Fewer women of this size seem to be hooked up with someone but this is a crude empirical observation that might not be correct.

Strangely enough, I have NEVER been asked, by anyone, about my sexual preferences (along the lines of what we are discussing here). I wouldn't mind admitting it but I do think questions about sexual preference are intrusive (not in this forum, but in life in general). I am very free in showing great affection for my wife in public (and private of course). The only comments I hear are about how much we love each other. Now, if my wife were really big it might be different, I don't know.

For me, sexual chemistry is a nessary place to start and keep going in a relationship. But keeping things going long-term requires so much more than that from both of us.

Another aspect: a lot of men find themselves with wives who gain weight and still find them attractive. Are they FA's who are finally getting their wish, or are they just adjusting and determined to find their partner attractive as they change? I suspect the latter is true in many cases, and they still love them as the weight goes up and down (if it does).

So, no "FA" Tshirt for me, but my wife knows I love her just like she is!


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## bellyjelly (Oct 31, 2008)

I like being acknowledged as the SO when out and about with a man, but I don't want him humping my leg at the supermarket queue just because he's proud to be out.


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## MsGreenLantern (Oct 31, 2008)

I used to be quite turned off by PDAs but my current SO has made me change my mind. He loves to hold hands everywhere we go! It makes me feel really happy, and secure, and just loved! We cuddle around his family members and friends as well. :wubu: He's so confident, and it makes me even more confident. I've never had a straight-on definition of SSBBW [since there isn't one] but I'm over 300 now, so I'm darn close if not. We've never had a cross-eyed look or comment as far as I'm aware.


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## KHayes666 (Nov 2, 2008)

bellyjelly said:


> I like being acknowledged as the SO when out and about with a man, but I don't want him humping my leg at the supermarket queue just because he's proud to be out.



but....but....but....PDA is a good thing 

lol


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