# Fat Girls And Older men



## superodalisque (Jul 16, 2014)

i was reading an article about how men past 39 are feeling invisible these days. i remember when i first found the community, there were a lot of older guys around who could attract very young women in their twenties. but that doesn't happen as much anymore or does it? i have felt for a long time fat folk are just mirroring the rest of society. you just don't see as many young women with men who are 15 or 25 yrs their senior as used to be common. or am i imagining things? how do you feel about the older man thing? what did you see in the past? what do you see now? what do you think is going to happen in the future?

here is the article that got me started thinking. it's a great convo starter re: the aging of men compared to what has been happening with women and whether things are the same or changing:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/rela...sible-at-39-now-they-know-how-women-feel.html

*Men become invisible at 39 - now they know how women feel*

By Bibi Lynch12:37PM BST 09 Jul 2014Comments218 Comments
Now I hate other people’s bad news (that’s not wholly true — but I like to appear kind in print) — but this new DEVASTATING research did make me laugh. Quite hard, in fact.

*A just-out survey - conducted by Crown Clinic Manchester — a hair transplant place, so I think we know where we’re going here — declares that men become sexually "invisible" to young women when they hit 39 years old.*
That’s right, 39. The same age as David Beckham, Russell Brand, Leonardo DiCaprio and many men I’ve got off buses to follow, such has been their appeal. (I’ve never actually got off a bus* to follow a man. I’m making a fanciful point. *Always cabs)
The study says 52% of respondents believe that men lose their allure as they reach 40 — and 39+ men are viewed as father figures rather than sex symbols (because no-one has ever wanted to f--- a father, right…? Go away, Hugh Jackman. You and your active sperm) and the most obvious sign of this change (manopause?) is that women no longer eye-up these sad old gits in bars.

Of those surveyed, 54% said men not being chatted up on nights out was the clearest sign they no longer existed, sexually. The other "signs" are greying hair, double chins, thinning hair and having bad teeth. So far so utterly predictable.

In fact, I’ve never heard such nonsense. Sexual attractiveness has never just been about looks — and looks do not go to poop at 39! It’s about attitude and confidence and intelligence and wit and charm and, subconsciously, fertility. And you don't have to be married to a Dimbleby to know that men can still father kids well into their seventh decade — so this study doesn't stand up to rigorous scrutiny.

Me and the photo of Bradley Cooper I’m stroking as I type insist you 39-year-old men know what rubbish this report is. But if it has pained you, may I proffer a tiny HAHAHAHAHA? I’m no Miss Andry, but, boy, women suffer much more than men from such looks-ist attitudes. (Women’s perception of what’s attractive in the opposite sex is way broader and more forgiving. We will factor in personality etc; many men don’t.)
A 41-year-old male friend of mine recently told me he doesn’t go out with women over 23 because of how good 23-year-olds look. I’m 48. Imagine what my freckly face did when I heard those bon mots.

Still not convinced, though? Still worried you’re now invisible to the (sometimes) fairer sex? Then let me help you. Let me tell you how to make yourself not just visible but irresistible!

1. Grow a beard. I hate to be that person, but… They. Are. Just. So. Sexy. Truly. They’re masculine and rough and ooh! It’s only men who think they’re trendy-twatty. Women blooming well adore them. Hirsutes you, Sir! (Sorry.)

2. Step out of &#8216;broadcast’ mode. Listen, too. Nothing is as flattering as being really heard. (That’s why sweet intimate conversations melt hearts.) And nothing is as flattening as being talked over. I had a boyfriend once who would repeat what I’d just said - only loudly - and get the laugh. Megaphone-voiced git.

3) Get a job at an Apple Store. I can’t quite put my finger on it (for fear of breaking it) but there is something so delicious and enticing about men who work at Apple. Is it their passion? Their in-depth knowledge? Or the "You saved all my photos and therefore my life!" gratitude they stir in you? I don’t know. But I know women (and men) love them. A friend of mine works in an Apple Store in the States and said half his staff are "helping" customers out of hours. If you know what I mean. I certainly fixated on "Tom" at the Regent Street store. To the extent that when my friend Baylen came to meet me and my poorly Mac there - to go on to lunch - "Tom" was simply repeating "I have to go now, Bibi. I have to go."
Please don’t worry about this survey (or any survey for that matter). You are not invisible post-39. But to be on the safe side I suggest you stop shaving, quit talking and get yourself a bright blue T-shirt. Just in case.


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## loopytheone (Jul 16, 2014)

Wow, first thing that strikes me is those last couple of paragraphs. No, not all women find beards sexy. And working at the apple store is just the same as working anywhere else to plenty of us. That isn't advice of how to seem attractive; that is advice on how to seem attractive to_ her_.

Other than that, amusing and interesting article. I agree that it is totally laughable to think there is some cut off point at which men/women become unattractive. Everybody is different. 

Would I want to be with a guy 25 years older than me though? No. To be honest I have always found being hit on by men old enough to be my father to be extremely creepy. Ten years older than me? Sure. But then again, like I said, it depends a lot on the person. I don't doubt that somewhere out there there is an older man that I will find attractive.


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## Jah (Jul 16, 2014)

Not liking women over 23 is not the norm for men. Most of the men I know do like young women but also like plenty of older women too and porn reflects this considering there are women of all ages in it.
Also, there seems to be some sort of new fashion trend for women to like younger men. It isn't something I understand at all. I'd quite happily have a sexual relationship with a man in their senior years. And no I'm not old myself. I don't think sexiness is an age related thing, adults of all ages have the possibility of being attractive.


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## Surlysomething (Jul 16, 2014)

You read it right.


When I was younger I was attracted to older men. They were experienced and took charge etc. Now that i'm older i'm attracted to younger men most of the time. The younger men seem to have a confidence in themselves that's very different from the confidence older men have. I base who i'm attracted to mainly on WHO they are instead of WHAT THEY HAVE. I have what I need so i'm not looking for a person to build a life with, y'know? I want fun and current and vital and relevant. I don't want to talk about RRSP's or renewing your mortgage. And sexually (at least for me) I enjoy their stamina and willingness to try new things. Most of the women I know come into their own sexually a bit later in life. We know what works for us and aren't afraid to ask for it or seek it out in general.

IMO of course.





Jah said:


> I thought the article meant that men at 39+ attracted less women in general, not just young women. Or didn't I read it right?


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 17, 2014)

These old geezers. Man, this article makes me so angry. If you were a 49 year old women crying about not being able to bang all the 23 year old coeds anymore you couldn't still live in the same town afterwards. I'm sick of these dudes.


ETA: It just so happens that I recently put out an add on Craigslist over a week or so ago. Most of the responses are coming from randy 20 year olds wondering if I think they're too young to f*ck. What the hell to do I have in common with a 22 year old? These men should just put an ad on Craigslist.


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## superodalisque (Jul 18, 2014)

i watch male friends my own age (50) and they do seem to be suffering ageism now. they really seemed to have thought they had forever. they really thought they would be able to pick up a 23 yr old whenever they were ready. they were brain washed back in the 80s with the same media blitz that portrayed men as scarce and made marriageable aged women so desperate. i think they didn't understand that it wasn't real, just a fake construct to make women run to the store to buy cosmetics etc... some of my single middle age male friends are wealthy, some middle class, but they are all facing the same reality. maybe there was a time when it would have been easier to attract a younger woman but it's not that way anymore and hasn't been for some time. 

it's easy to fantasize about an older celebrity like the author of the article does but the truth is that the reality of being with an older man is definitely not as attractive to young women as it once as. twenty something young girls are not looking for safety and security. they are looking for love, passion shared experiences. they aren't looking for someone who has to plan his sexual experiences around a lil bue pill. they don't want somebody who is afraid he will be too old to be a father to a young child. they don't want a surrogate daddy telling them how to behave and what to do.

and the ability to appear all knowing and tell young women what to do was a great part of the appeal to older men. but younger women now are more savvy and know when a guy is full of it. once older guys could lay down the law with inexperienced women without being questioned but not anymore. that was the big appeal of youthful women--the control their inexperience once gave older men over them. 

it's interesting now to see all of the lost middle aged guys wondering what happened. they watched their fathers and uncles start over with a younger version and thought they would also get their turn but times have changed. the dependency isn't there. there used to be a time when women couldn't even have a credit card in their name-- not so long ago in the seventies. and even more interesting is seeing the same guys watch women they once turned down as too old dating younger men. i know as a fifty year old it's very common to be approached by a men at least 15 yrs younger than you. i don't ever see that happening to men anymore.


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## superodalisque (Jul 18, 2014)

Surlysomething said:


> You read it right.
> 
> 
> When I was younger I was attracted to older men. They were experienced and took charge etc. Now that i'm older i'm attracted to younger men most of the time. The younger men seem to have a confidence in themselves that's very different from the confidence older men have. I base who i'm attracted to mainly on WHO they are instead of WHAT THEY HAVE. I have what I need so i'm not looking for a person to build a life with, y'know? I want fun and current and vital and relevant. I don't want to talk about RRSP's or renewing your mortgage. And sexually (at least for me) I enjoy their stamina and willingness to try new things. Most of the women I know come into their own sexually a bit later in life. We know what works for us and aren't afraid to ask for it or seek it out in general.
> ...



exactly. it's almost impossible to catch a decent woman anymore with stuff. she has her own stuff. she wants something deeper and more passionate. a lot of older men are stuck in that old paradigm and they are lost. so all they attract is stuff they really don't want. and definitely not people who are going to stick with them if the going gets tough.

even though i am totally not attracted to men in their twenties and i prefer men who are my own age i don't mind men who are a little younger than i am. we do seem to have a lot in common, pretty much like what you said. we like to try new things. then there are the emotional things too. i could care less about marriage. i dont want a baby. i don't care about what i'm doing compared to my gfs. i don't look for a magazine to say i look good naked. the externals are out of the picture. we can just concentrate on enjoying each other and liking each other.


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## Surlysomething (Jul 18, 2014)

But was it intentional?



bigmac said:


> What's wrong with wanting to trade up. I did it and I'm not the least bit ashamed.


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## CarlaSixx (Jul 18, 2014)

I don't like hearing that men over 39 find themselves unattractive. Because I like men over 39. 
When I go to bars, if a man doesn't look at least 35, my eyes scan right past them. 

True, older men may not have a tonne in common with someone as young as me, but I am interested in a lot more things that older men can discuss rather than anyone my age.


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## Saisha (Jul 18, 2014)

This might be a matter of semantics - couldn't it be said that most people who get out of a bad or unhappy relationship and get involved in a LTR with someone else has traded up so to speak? Not knowing the specifics of the prior relationship, I don't know how each felt towards the other - maybe both feel they have traded up. Just a thought....


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## AuntHen (Jul 19, 2014)

My partner is a bit over 10 years younger than I am (I am almost 38 by the way). It works perfectly for us. I never thought I would be with someone so much younger either. 


bigmac, based on your posts, it seems you are talking about "trading up" based on the physical only. People (read women) aren't *show dogs
*. I mean, really?!? If that is indeed what you are saying, then I feel you are demeaning your ex and pretty much all women *older *than your current partner. 

Are you just looking to cause controversy here (like you usually do)?


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## AuntHen (Jul 19, 2014)

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. It's Debate Club 101 once again. This is not Hyde Park. I mean, seriously. :doh:


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## superodalisque (Jul 20, 2014)

i don't think older men should really worry about their looks so much. people can be gorgeous at any age. mainly he just needs to make sure he keeps his mind fresh or at least kind even if old fashioned. he can always get a haircut neaten up a bit etc... that is no biggie.


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## superodalisque (Jul 20, 2014)

CarlaSixx said:


> I don't like hearing that men over 39 find themselves unattractive. Because I like men over 39.
> When I go to bars, if a man doesn't look at least 35, my eyes scan right past them.
> 
> True, older men may not have a tonne in common with someone as young as me, but I am interested in a lot more things that older men can discuss rather than anyone my age.



exactly. guys are going to have to start being careful not to put themselves in a box women have been in for a long time. heck, we're trying to get out of it!

another thing your post makes me think :

doesn't this give a great perspective on how guys probably really think about us? while we are obsessing over what magazines have to say. what we really think about older men has absolutely nothing to do with the media image out there. most of the women here have said they aren't really that interested in money etc... i haven't seen much mention of looks. i don't know if that was being polite or if that really isn't our first concern. all i know is that as a middle aged woman kindness and intelligence carries a huge amount of weight for me. insipid insensitive and mean not so much. i'm not going to pretend that i know what a lot of women younger than me feel about looks though. i only have a problem with looks if he doesn't look like he cares at all. i would feel the same about a young guy though. but, even as a young girl i liked that craggy faced heavy limbed look older guys had. i think i watched Clark Gable and Cary Grant too much. George Clooney has some good old boy looks too.


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## Jah (Jul 20, 2014)

superodalisque said:


> exactly. guys are going to have to start being careful not to put themselves in a box women have been in for a long time. heck, we're trying to get out of it!
> 
> another thing your post makes me think :
> 
> doesn't this give a great perspective on how guys probably really think about us? while we are obsessing over what magazines have to say. what we really think about older men has absolutely nothing to do with the media image out there. most of the women here have said they aren't really that interested in money etc... i haven't seen much mention of looks. i don't know if that was being polite or if that really isn't our first concern. all i know is that as a middle aged woman kindness and intelligence carries a huge amount of weight for me. insipid insensitive and mean not so much. i'm not going to pretend that i know what a lot of women younger than me feel about looks though. i only have a problem with looks if he doesn't look like he cares at all. i would feel the same about a young guy though. but, even as a young girl i liked that craggy faced heavy limbed look older guys had. i think i watched Clark Gable and Cary Grant too much. George Clooney has some good old boy looks too.



Personality plays the most important part in sexual attraction. But when it comes to looks I've always had thing for balding BHMs. That can be a BHM of nearly any adult age. As for personality, I've always wanted someone that is a good friend and companion and who has a few interests in common with me. These are more traits that can be from a man of any age. As for money, I've never cared about that, I've usually been the one with more money than the guys I've been with.
The older I get, the more I put personality first. Not all older men are the same and not all younger men are the same. I've been with my husband since we were 19 and got married at 20. We were both interested in settling down and being married at an early age, which I suppose is rare for people that young.


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## LillyBBBW (Jul 20, 2014)

People really aren't things to 'get' or upgrade. This reminds me of the whole friendzone movement and other slow retorts that come from people who can't have whatever/whoever they want. Sometimes there are people who are not going to be attracted to you and sometimes there will be people attracted to you that you don't want. When you tell that person, "No," be assured of your right to do so but don't come out of the other side of your mouth with catchy slogans to marginalize those who say no to you. Life is funny like that.


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## Saisha (Jul 20, 2014)

LillyBBBW said:


> People really aren't things to 'get'....



Excellent post 

Tried to rep you but I'm out -


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## FatAndProud (Jul 20, 2014)

I've dabbled in older men since I can remember. I sexually prefer them, but I'm not so sure emotionally and mentally. The men I've dated were obsessed with "ensuring their legacy" via babies, their receding hairlines, and their cars/mortgages/insurance/etc....they don't seem to care about love. It's competing with other men is what concerns them.


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## superodalisque (Jul 20, 2014)

FatAndProud said:


> I've dabbled in older men since I can remember. I sexually prefer them, but I'm not so sure emotionally and mentally. The men I've dated were obsessed with "ensuring their legacy" via babies, their receding hairlines, and their cars/mortgages/insurance/etc....they don't seem to care about love. It's competing with other men is what concerns them.




it's only that ugly old monster insecurity that is unattractive


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## EvilPrincess (Jul 27, 2014)

Sorry for the chop job on the thread. This is the BBW forum and unless specified to the guys and gals it is for the BBW population here at dimensions. If you feel the topic needs to be discussed in a more general population please take it to the main board. 

My apologies for this taking so long to address. Chaos intervened with my intentions to clean this up quickly. 

EP Mod (late to the party :wubu


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## seaturtle71 (Nov 3, 2015)

interesting.


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## Wayne_Zitkus (Jan 31, 2017)

I'm 64 and the dating sites I belong to keep trying to pair me up with women in their 30s. Don't get me wrong - they're very attractive. But my kids are 41 and 40 and I would feel uncomfortable dating someone younger than them.


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## Leem (Jan 31, 2017)

This was an interesting read. The article itself was a bit off the cuff and self reflective with a little shadenfraude tossed in. I think that part of the reason men have begun to feel this way is advertising, television and the media in general. I also suspect the fact that women have begun to "take care of themselves" and are not looking to become dependent on anyone is also reflected in these attitudes. Women's independence has changed attitudes towards marriage and dating irrevocably.


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## Dr. Feelgood (Feb 1, 2017)

Leem said:


> Women's independence has changed attitudes towards marriage and dating irrevocably.



Not before time, IMO. :happy:


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## Tracii (Feb 1, 2017)

I dated a guy 20 years older than me for 10 years or so and he was wonderful.
Very caring and no drama at all.
Sex life was great too.
I could date a guy older or younger just depends on the guy.


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## Fat Molly (Feb 2, 2017)

I feel like my personal preference is no greater than ~25 years of age difference for my own relationships. I've dated people in the upper area of that age range without trouble (at least not on *my* end.) 

I also personally have hated being sought after by men with ~40+ age difference over me. It's really creepy and I've had a *lot* of that in my life. Granted I can imagine and write some very romantic May~December romances, but I feel like there's a great deal that can prevent these relationships from being successful. I'd imagine functional M/D relats are the exception, not the rule, but they're incredibly rife with power for romantic writing.


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