# Advice on weight gain



## GeeseHoward (Dec 29, 2021)

Hey guys it's been a long time and I'm glad to still see a few familiar faces popping up in the thread.

I need some advice. And I'm sure that it's been repeated before but I'm kinda stuck.

I've recently been dating someone and she has gained about 42 lbs while with me. I haven't even really been pushing feeder tendancies on her. More just letting her indulge when she wants. She's kinda reached the perfect weight for me and the romance in the bedroom has been mind-blowing.

She keeps bringing up the D word. She's quite a logically driven girl and has had it engrained into her that she always has to be thin. 

But I've never seen her so confident in the bedroom. I fear that bringing up how much I'm enjoying her heavier figure might mean that I lose her. Ofcourse I respect get choices but when this side of things is so incredible i don't particularly want to lose that either. Any advice?


----------



## LarryTheNoodleGuy (Dec 30, 2021)

Saying the "D" word is one thing. Doing something about it an entire universe of food restriction, forget combining it with exercise. A diet usually lasts maybe a couple of days and then the person says "Ah, I'll start next week." If she REALLY wants to go for it, of course, support her. 

But yes, tell her of your feelings. She probably knows already. And congratulations, that sounds like a dream come true.

And remember, most relationships are on fire at the beginning. Then you calm down and really get to know each other. I wish you luck and I wish the same for meself.


----------



## Tad (Dec 30, 2021)

Every person and couple are different, of course, so I'm just going to tell you what I did, and you can use or not whatever parts of it that make sense for you.

I made very sure that she knew I loved her body the way that it was (I made sure to give extra physical attention in the while before having this conversation so that there was no question of that). Then I was open that a) I didn't think thinner was more attractive, and b) the evidence that I'd seen said that that diets were the best way to end up fatter in the long term, that the vast majority of people regained all their weight and often more, and that repeated cycles of loss and gain tended to result in long term slower metabolism (including a lower immune response) (all true, by the way). So I requested that she focus on getting more physically active and on better eating habits as long-term lifestyle changes, allowing that weight gain was likely to happen from that but that it should be sustainable loss, while diets generally are not. That I'd support and celebrate her losses but always as evidence of those lifestyle changes taking effect, not for losses own sake. 

She accepted that as reasonable. Over the longer term her weight has gone down and up a few times (often related more to stress) but overall she is far healthier and fitter than she was then, and if currently she is 15 or 20 pounds below her heaviest she is still a curvy armful and feeling about as good about her body as is in her personality to feel.


----------



## extra_m13 (Jan 5, 2022)

personally... i think she thinks it is expected of her to bring the -d- word, but i would do absolutely nothing about it just keep her comfortable eating, make her feel sexy, tell her how much you are enjoying her curves and she will be up a few more pounds soon probably. once... if the subject is addresed directly, my wife told me, hey i have gained this amount of weight what the hell... and i responded being surprised by how much i am liking all the curves in bed, that worked, for a while at least, it is a marathon ...


----------



## Recardo Admirer (Jan 11, 2022)

GeeseHoward said:


> Hey guys it's been a long time and I'm glad to still see a few familiar faces popping up in the thread.
> 
> I need some advice. And I'm sure that it's been repeated before but I'm kinda stuck.
> 
> ...



Hello G: If you truly love her and want to keep her, you will have to have a frank and honest conversation with her and reach a compromise with her that will be acceptable to both of you, if possible. Let us know how things went. Good Luck.


----------



## GeeseHoward (Feb 2, 2022)

Hey all. Appreciate the advice and sorry for being Awol. It didn't work out. I was honest and direct which might not have been the best tact. But she was repulsed. It socked me because all I wanted was for her to be happy.


----------



## Broseph (Feb 13, 2022)

GeeseHoward said:


> Hey all. Appreciate the advice and sorry for being Awol. It didn't work out. I was honest and direct which might not have been the best tact. But she was repulsed. It socked me because all I wanted was for her to be happy.



Sorry to hear about this experience, Geese. Too bad she took it that way.


----------



## Tad (Feb 14, 2022)

That is always a risk, but at least you found out quickly. Even if you had gone into it slowly it is unlikely that she would have opened up to it.


----------



## tracii 4591 (Feb 14, 2022)

Sorry things didn't work out but at least you were open and honest.
She can't fault you for that.


----------

