# Confessions of a (closeted?) FA...



## KFD (Jun 15, 2009)

This thread is something that has brewing in my head for a while, and I can't really think of a reasoning or answer to why I am what I am.

You have seen my pictures on here, I don't exactly categorize myself in the BBW-loving demographic, but then again, what is the definition of the true FA?

My love for the BBW has started looooooonnnnnggg before the onslaught of puberty. As a toddler, I would often wander off from my parents in a public place (this was the early eighties), and more than likely, they would find me in the lap of a very plush woman. Plausibly, one would say that the definition of beauty is engrained a person's psyche in the early stages of the formation of the id-- most likely modeled after someone of the opposite sex very influential in one's early life. So, my mother, and other females in my family? All tiny! 

I really don't understand why I like what I like. I just do. Is it psychological, or a self-esteem issue? I am sure it has some deep seeded truth to that postulate. I don't go for skinny chicks. I am not saying I don't find them attractive, I would love to put a ring on the finger (yeah, ya gotta love the polar shift of one's attitude the late twenties brings on) on some beautiful little thing. I go to a club, or bar, or any social situation where someone else would capitalize on making that premise a reality, and this guy we'll call him me, usually blows it. Throw fifty pounds on that same girl I clam up or don't ask her for her number, and its an easy day for me. I suddenly seem to be that unfuckwithable guy that pisses mass amounts of excellence. Case in point, I am out at the club with the guys the other night. I see a cutie, I go talk to her. Things go right, we are on the dance floor. Then somehow, I am dancing with her bigger friend. Bigger friend was grinding on me for a while, then realizing there was something hard in my pants, and it wasn't a cell phone, she "had to go find her friend". Arrgh...

I am just dumb when it comes to chicks...

I am tired, I am done with this rant...
KFD


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## undrcovrbrothr (Jun 15, 2009)

You just need to find a way to accept who you are and drop the act  I think you are suffering from a bout with what society WANTS you to believe versus what YOU believe, and you should win! Why try and fight it? As a man, I can understand where you are coming from... in my early twenties, I thought I was strange and had a problem, but it is society that has the problem.... they bombard you with all of these images as what the perfect woman should be, and it is soooo wrong  So chill out man, accept who you are, and roll with it!!! You're in most excellent company!!!!


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## ToniTails (Jun 15, 2009)

I don't like the idea of someone being closeted- it means that they are ashamed of me - i'm a dirty, little secret- get some balls, dude


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## undrcovrbrothr (Jun 16, 2009)

00 toni lynn 00 said:


> I don't like the idea of someone being closeted- it means that they are ashamed of me - i'm a dirty, little secret- get some balls, dude



Give it time, and he'll be just fine....


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## KFD (Jun 16, 2009)

00 toni lynn 00 said:


> I don't like the idea of someone being closeted- it means that they are ashamed of me - i'm a dirty, little secret- get some balls, dude



I guess that the word 'closeted' is the wrong adjective. The tone of my message didn't get out what I wanted to say clearly. I would *never* be ashamed of any girl I was with, regardless of size. I appreciate a female at any size as well, I am just hard wired to love the larger ladies. My problem doesn't lie in the fact that I have a problem with society, my questions I have, are why in the hell do I like what I like. I guess instead of closeted, maybe the word would be reserved. Go on my myspace and facebook. It is no secret I gotta thing for thick chicks! I don't hide that. I just don't feel the need to be absolutely obnoxious about being an FA. I really want someone that can keep up with me, emotionally, metaphysically and intellectually-at any size!

Later
KFD


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## LillyBBBW (Jun 16, 2009)

KFD said:


> This thread is something that has brewing in my head for a while, and I can't really think of a reasoning or answer to why I am what I am.
> 
> You have seen my pictures on here, I don't exactly categorize myself in the BBW-loving demographic, but then again, what is the definition of the true FA?
> 
> ...



I find that I am much more relaxed around married men than I am around single ones. When I'm around single guys I clam up and tend to avoid them until they are paired off with someone. No, I'm not saying I'm slutting around with married or spoken for guys. I'm just pointing out a general anxiety that happens for most people in social situations. I was having a conversation with someone from here, can't remember who, about how she's the same way. We tend to push off single guys, then get envious when they are paired off with a friend of ours. We wondered together why he induced such uptight anxiety in us before and we wouldn't even bother with him. Now he's like an old chum and we have no problem talking with him. We're even complimantary. Then he and 'Sadie' break up and we're back to skittering around like before. wtf? The conversation I was having with this phantom Dimmer had potential but unfortunately we didn't see a finish. 

Anyway, I think there should be distinctions made between being closeted and just being lame. Most of us confuse the two. I do think that being lame is a subject just as worthy and worthwhile of being discussed. Some of us wouldn't have any problems supporting someone we care about no matter what they look like. It's just that some of us are too busy toeing the dirt to meet any of them.


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## Emma (Jun 16, 2009)

00 toni lynn 00 said:


> I don't like the idea of someone being closeted- it means that they are ashamed of me - i'm a dirty, little secret- get some balls, dude



Don't think thats what this board is for dude.


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## KFD (Jun 16, 2009)

<---- Just being lame. 


I am retarded when it comes to women in general, more lame around some more than others. I am still scratching my head about my sudden desire to find self validation in my quest for defeating my feminine idiocity...

Yeah, so who wants to go on a date with me ? I promise I am fun!

...I'll just shut up now and enjoy my drink in the corner while I lament being lame...

KFD


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## msbard90 (Jun 16, 2009)

00 toni lynn 00 said:


> I don't like the idea of someone being closeted- it means that they are ashamed of me - i'm a dirty, little secret- get some balls, dude



i love you  'nuff said


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## mergirl (Jun 16, 2009)

I have to ask again.. the point of this forum is??
Isn't it ment to be some sort of Fa safe space...where Other Fa's rush to help others who are freaking out or feeling shit or need their nappies changed...
Fa's are afraid to say what they really think, so really there is no point to this forum..it might as well be combined with the main forum where issues of fat and Fa topics are discussed and everyone has a free for all..
I would post a link to the whole closeted Fa post but i have no idea where to find it..


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## bdog (Jun 16, 2009)

Can't figure out why you have the desires you have? 
Not Mr. Smooth around the ladies? 

Seems you're shooting about par, partner. 

Just relax... realize you're normal and doing fine. Then figure out what you could change in your life that would make you feel more fulfilled... and make it happen. It's probably not an overnight process... but keep at it. Keep visualizing what would make you happy. 

BBWs are the hottest. Life is good when you're an FA.


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## mergirl (Jun 16, 2009)

bdog said:


> Can't figure out why you have the desires you have?
> Not Mr. Smooth around the ladies?
> 
> Seems you're shooting about par, partner.
> ...


Yes. This. BBWs ARE the hottest!! ,,and all the other stuff you said too!


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## KFD (Jun 16, 2009)

I agree bbws are the hottest. I find a woman with booty, belly, thighs, and boobs affeminite. I would never be ashamed of any bbw or make her my secret! 

This thread exists just like any other sub-forum does! I personally don't want any FAs tweaking my nipples, though...

Later
KFD


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## olwen (Jun 16, 2009)

KFD, instead of asking yourself why you like what you like, maybe ask yourself why you feel the need to ask yourself why you like what you like. Or you could relax and do the easy thing and just accept that you like what you like for no other reason than that you like what you like and don't need to explain it even to yourself. God, I hope that made sense.


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## Hathor (Jun 16, 2009)

KFD said:


> <---- Just being lame.
> 
> 
> I am retarded when it comes to women in general, more lame around some more than others. I am still scratching my head about my sudden desire to find self validation in my quest for defeating my feminine idiocity...
> ...



Buy me a Heineken and we'll go to the movies. 

Do you think you are questioning yourself because most other guys see fat chicks and go "ew"? I bet being surrounded by guys in the military that it's like an onslaught of skinny over fat. You just need to be true to yourself and everything else will fall into place.


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## Captain Save (Jun 16, 2009)

Hathor said:


> I bet being surrounded by guys in the military that it's like an onslaught of skinny over fat.



This is somewhat true; fat is treated like promiscuity in a Puritan community, with measurements, weigh-ins, and corrective measures for those that don't make the grade. Those that don't show sufficient improvement don't get promoted, and usually become civilians within a few years. Different services, of course, have differing standards.

It can be tough to be a FA in the military; despite all the jokes, crass remarks, and regulations, BBWs are in all the bars and clubs, married to half of them, and work in civilian government jobs alongside those in uniform. KFD, you're not the only one, so relax; don't question it, because it is what it is. Just follow bdog's advice, and everything will be as it should be.


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 16, 2009)

Captain Save said:


> This is somewhat true; fat is treated like promiscuity in a Puritan community, with measurements, weigh-ins, and corrective measures for those that don't make the grade. Those that don't show sufficient improvement don't get promoted, and usually become civilians within a few years. Different services, of course, have differing standards.
> 
> It can be tough to be a FA in the military; despite all the jokes, crass remarks, and regulations, BBWs are in all the bars and clubs, married to half of them, and work in civilian government jobs alongside those in uniform. KFD, you're not the only one, so relax; don't question it, because it is what it is. Just follow bdog's advice, and everything will be as it should be.



Plus one. You get used to it.

(And it's not always going to be the inevitable "Ew" or whatever. I mentioned it to friends last week, and one came up and agreed, causing the handclap of YEAH BIG GIRLS and me to say to myself "What the fuck!?!!? AGAIN!?!?"  lol )


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## stan_der_man (Jun 17, 2009)

KFD... You like what you like (BBWs as you have mentioned in this case...) nothing wrong with that, nothing to be ashamed of. We can sit here and analyze what is or isn't a FA, but in the overall scheme of things it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you do what makes you happy, and what you desire. If that involves another person you should always keep their happiness and welfare in mind. If that means being proud of them, letting them know, and letting others know that you love that person and are proud of that person, then do it.

I think what you are experiencing is a two part thing KFD... In social settings when you meet women you clearly find yourself attracted to the fat girls, but you are following through (publicly socializing?) with the thin girls... the more "socially acceptable" girls... We are all social creatures to a certain extent. We have a tendency to do things that please the people around us or we attempt to do so. We tend to do things which make ourselves more "socially acceptable." The decisions you are making are the ones that make (or that you perceive to make) you more socially acceptable to your peers (you are associating with the thing girls...) and not the fat girls which you actually prefer. You do dance and briefly associate with the fat girls, but you bumble the opportunity and ultimately go back to being seen with the thin girls if I understand you correctly. But you do enjoy being with the fat girls, and long to be with them. I think part of this bumbling is also what I call the "homina homina factor"... Your libido goes ape shit every time you are close to a fat girl and you ultimately bumble the opportunity. There is nothing wrong with you KFD... Keep following you desires and have good intentions... You will build confidence, you will either decide to make that extra effort and go for what you truly desire, or you will wuss out and take the easy road and regret it in the long run.

The fact that you had the huevos to post this thread is a step in the right direction. :bow:


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## mergirl (Jun 17, 2009)

KFD said:


> This thread exists just like any other sub-forum does! I personally don't want any FAs tweaking my nipples, though...
> 
> Later
> KFD



I think different sub forums exist for different reasons. erm *tweek!! Was that really so bad?*. You know, you dont ever have to actually 'come out' as being an Fa. You dont have to sit all your navy buds down and say through tears of emotion.."well..boys its like this". You just DATE FAT CHICKS. Though if anyone makes any comments about her, then you defend her to your last breath, because that is beyond disrespectful, to you and her. I went through a simmilar thing when i was younger and just realising that i liked fat people. My first stage was that i thought i must be bi-fatual, but then i realised that i was looking for ways in which the partners i was with were kinns fat or had fatential. Like you i would get totally tongue tied around big woman and end up making a complete tit of myself. This is just the normal feeling any guy/woman gets around someone they are really attracted to..Its just that now you have realised you like big women, its like your brain is going "OH shit..i'm all nervous now"....its like a Pavlovian response. I think one good way around this is to train your brain not to see all big woman as potential dates. This eliminates the whole forced chatting up bit, the fear of rejection etc. Try to befriend some big women (or one big woman if you are not a lothario! lol) take it slow and as you get to know her, you will begin to feel more comfortable around her. Even if she doesn't fancy you in that way, you will have had experience of being around big women AND better still a new friend to boot, if you hit it off in other ways.


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## Tad (Jun 17, 2009)

LillyBBBW said:


> Anyway, I think there should be distinctions made between being closeted and just being lame. Most of us confuse the two. I do think that being lame is a subject just as worthy and worthwhile of being discussed. Some of us wouldn't have any problems supporting someone we care about no matter what they look like. It's just that some of us are too busy toeing the dirt to meet any of them.



YES to the above! That is what I was in my single days--lame, not closeted  Err wait, I'm happy to proclaim that I was lame? Well, I guess it beats closeted.....*sigh*

Anyway, yes, I was in pretty much similar position, where I could be friendly with thinner girls no problem, but pretty much couldn't talk around the few bigger ones I met. Then one not quite so thin girl kept showing she was interested in more than a bit of flirting, and she started gaining some weight, and I met her parents and they were both quite big folk, so I decided to take my chances. In other words, I never really did get over being lame, I just got lucky.

As a strategy, I'd strongly suggest getting over being lame over counting on being lucky.....but should you be blessed by outrageous good fortune, don't knock it.


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## KFD (Jun 17, 2009)

Thanks for all the replies, everyone... I guess my posting was a tad ambiguous, the question I am asking here is *why* am I what I am... Just to reiterate, *I AM IN NO WAY ASHAMED TO BE AN FA, OR IN THE CLOSET ABOUT IT!!!* As far as the point of the the FA forum's existence, http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=57071 should answer any of your questions. The reason for this thread? Just my left-handed ramblings and attempts at self-validation...

Being in the military does make things a little different... You see a lot of testosterone-driven alpha dog a-holes in here, that go for that skinny little thing, and give you shit for not liking what they do. Ehh... I still can't see any reason why I should embark on any skull-f*ckery at the club on friday night on some girl that isn't that interested in me anyway. I am not the best communicator, and the end of the night, I have an empty wallet and still no numbers... Whatever...

Thanks for the replies, kids!

KFD


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## Jon Blaze (Jun 17, 2009)

KFD said:


> Thanks for all the replies, everyone... I guess my posting was a tad ambiguous, the question I am asking here is *why* am I what I am... Just to reiterate, *I AM IN NO WAY ASHAMED TO BE AN FA, OR IN THE CLOSET ABOUT IT!!!* As far as the point of the the FA forum's existence, http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=57071 should answer any of your questions. The reason for this thread? Just my left-handed ramblings and attempts at self-validation...
> 
> Being in the military does make things a little different... You see a lot of testosterone-driven alpha dog a-holes in here, that go for that skinny little thing, and give you shit for not liking what they do. Ehh... I still can't see any reason why I should embark on any skull-f*ckery at the club on friday night on some girl that isn't that interested in me anyway. I am not the best communicator, and the end of the night, I have an empty wallet and still no numbers... Whatever...
> 
> ...




Yea. I think like you said: The title might not be accurate.

But I think your introspect on the whole thing seems really general though. I think many men and women deal with the same thing regardless of what they like. 

And being in the military too, I can see where you are coming from, but in my experience I haven't received much flack at all. I'd say test it and be prepared rather than waiting. I've had no regrets about mentioning first while being in over a year ago. I've had only a few times where it came up as a negative, and I held my own. No big deal though.

That being said: Good luck finding an SO.


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## stan_der_man (Jun 18, 2009)

I think KFD needs to go get himself a fat girl tattoo, a picture speaks a thousand words.

Trust me on that one...


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## nykspree8 (Jun 18, 2009)

Some guys like skinny chicks, some guys like fat chicks. There is no mathematical formula to explain why this is so, just accept it, find yourself a bbw or ssbbw and live a happy life. The end.


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## mergirl (Jun 18, 2009)

fa_man_stan said:


> I think KFD needs to go get himself a fat girl tattoo, a picture speaks a thousand words.
> 
> Trust me on that one...


lmao! YES! What about a fat mermaid wrapped around an anchor?? Cause then you would have the navy theme too!! Tatoo!


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 18, 2009)

fa_man_stan said:


> I think KFD needs to go get himself a fat girl tattoo, a picture speaks a thousand words.
> 
> Trust me on that one...



No he doesn't. He's _not saying he's ashamed of being an FA._

He's trying to figure out why he's one, that is all. I was reading the answers....excuse me....HI Lilly I'm here just been working a ton and not online and formulating a post in my head but Olwen already wrote what I was going to say here. 



> KFD, instead of asking yourself why you like what you like, maybe ask yourself why you feel the need to ask yourself why you like what you like. Or you could relax and do the easy thing and just accept that you like what you like for no other reason than that you like what you like and don't need to explain it even to yourself. God, I hope that made sense.



It does not seem any different from the conversations fetishists have with the very vocal non-fetishists, along the lines of:

Vocal Non Fetishist: But I just don't understand feeding.

Fetishist: You don't have to.

Isn't this the same thing? Why not just roll with it and say "I don't know why but I've always been turned on by BBWs".


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## mergirl (Jun 18, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> It does not seem any different from the conversations fetishists have with the very vocal non-fetishists, along the lines of:
> 
> Vocal Non Fetishist: But I just don't understand feeding.
> 
> ...



No, because it is an inner conflict so a bit different, this is why its good to talk about it here for example. Have you never felt conflicted, not once, not ever about your love of big men? I think people are predisposed to find out why, where and what they are, its just in our nature. If something we are doesnt exactly adhere to the social 'norm' then we want to explore our feelings even more. I think if we just rolled with it and excepted it..there would be no point of comming to dimensions. Everything we talk about here, more or less is about our sexuality..if there was nothing to explore, think about and nothing to talk about then we wouldnt be doing it here.


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## LoveBHMS (Jun 18, 2009)

Well with fetishes there is that same conflict--I'd say much moreso depending on how hardcore you are. It's certainly spins around in your head to wonder why you need to think about certain things in order to have an orgasm or why certain very mundane or very weird things are sexual for you.

However, at some point you just shrug it off and understand it's just your thing.


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## Tau (Jun 18, 2009)

I don't really understand why the question inspires such angst - never have. I'm not you, I just don't get why you worry about liking what you like. I'm sure you enjoy certain foods more than others, certain flavours that maybe other people dont enjoy, and thats cool. I think its pretty much the same with who you're more sexually attracted to. Its is healthy to question our desires a bit I spose but after a while it just gets pointless. Just enjoy what you enjoy, sit back and savour all the fatties you wanna squeeze. Life's honestly too short to be wandering why you prefer caramel to vanilla - just eat it already!!


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## mergirl (Jun 18, 2009)

LoveBHMS said:


> Well with fetishes there is that same conflict--I'd say much moreso depending on how hardcore you are. It's certainly spins around in your head to wonder why you need to think about certain things in order to have an orgasm or why certain very mundane or very weird things are sexual for you.
> 
> However, at some point you just shrug it off and understand it's just your thing.


Some people dont though. They stay 'closeted' or they can't handle it and get really depressed. I agree with Tau that you should just enjoy it but i think especially when it is all new to you, you want to find out as much as possible about your sexuality/fetish, especially if you have just learned you are not the only one in the world to have it.


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## stan_der_man (Jun 18, 2009)

fa_man_stan said:


> LoveBHMS said:
> 
> 
> > No he doesn't. He's _not saying he's ashamed of being an FA._
> ...



Yes he does... he's a sailor. All sailors have tattoos. So when he does eventually get one it should be a fat girl tattoo.... something nautical themed preferably, like a mermaid with cankles for example...


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## KFD (Jun 18, 2009)

Hahaha! That's great! I actually saw one of the previous diver classes ensignias, and it was a diver shouldering a fat mermaid with the saying "we can handle the weight". Hilarious! 

Yeah, so I guess I am asking one of the questions that seems to be eternally damned to rhetorical status, that a psychologist can't even wrap his head around. I guess I would be bi-sizual, because although a larger woman is what I usually go for, I just appreciate woman at any size or shape, and really, I just want one that can complement me and is as crazy as I am. However, I have accepted reality on that one :doh: . 

Later
KFD


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