# Dimensions and Self-Image



## Michelle (Aug 26, 2006)

I was sent this picture today by an old high school friend. She was asking my permission to post it to our class yahoo group. I remember when this picture was taken. I was 24 (1977) and I felt like the fattest, ugliest woman in the world. No one carried as much weight as I did of all my friends. 

Look at the picture - I'm at a beach on Lake Michigan and covered up totally with semi long sleeves. I was wearing jeans too as I remember the day. It was hot on that beach. I'm surprised I let her take that picture of me at the time. 

Since that time I've gained almost 200 pounds. I've aged almost 30 years. I have a double chin, thinning hair, some wrinkles and very dark circles under my eyes, I waddle instead of walk. Yet I no longer hate myself for the way I look. I think it's interesting and very sad how young women feel about themselves. 

Here's me now. I took this picture last week to show someone how my hair was thinning. I wasn't posing to minimize my double chin and the only thing I did to this picture was crop it, so it's an honest picture of how I look today.







I have to credit Dimensions for being able to post it. Until I found this place, I was still hating my body. While I'm not happy with the health problems that can come with fat and while I don't think I look my best this fat, I still don't hate my body or myself. Dimensions made me look at myself totally differently than I ever had. 

I've been trying to wean myself away from Dimensions for personal reasons. I shouldn't have to but it would be better for me if I did. It has put me into such a quandry. But then I think about what this place has done for my self-image and I feel the need to hang on to it tightly.

I'm wondering if Dimensions has had this effect on anyone else and if so, would you be willing to post your feelings on it?

p.s. Can a moderator correct the title and put D where I typed C for Dimensions? If not, I give you all permission to humiliate me over the misspelling.


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## Rainahblue (Aug 26, 2006)

You have given out too much Reputation in the last 24 hours, try again later.

 As usual, awesome post, woman. I understand _exactly_ where you're coming from but at the same time, as I read what you wrote I kept thinking, huh? You're gorgeous! Note I said you _are_ gorgeous, rather than were. That means you were gorgeous in the 1st _and _2nd pic... 

Growing up on an island a few degrees from the Equator, I would still subject myself to wearing "cover up" outfits rather than the shorts and tanks and next-to-nothing ensembles my thinner classmates wore. Thinking about that makes me sad for the insecure plump teen that I was then. 

Dimensions and a webgroup I joined several years ago (now disbanded) are probably the only reasons I ever posted pictures of myself online. I've never had as much of a problem loving who I am as a person than I have loving whatever body I was in. That took the encouragement and support of other people of size who shared my fears. I'd like to think that with sites like this one, we all teach each other to love ourselves as we are.


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## Miss Vickie (Aug 26, 2006)

Michelle, you were beautiful then, and you're beautiful now. :wubu: 

Dimensions, and perhaps more importantly the friends I've made through it, has been very helpful in my self image, and my ability to -- sometimes anyway -- not hate my body so much. Like you, it's helped me tremendously.

And again, I think you're gorgeous. How sad you felt you needed to cover up, though having been there, I understand.


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## moonvine (Aug 26, 2006)

Hrmm, I'm not really sure. I was active in the fat acceptance movement before I came to Dimensions. While I don't hate my body, I don't love it either. I'm pretty much neutral towards it and don't really think about it except to think if I were thinner I would have a much easier time dating. But I don't sit around and brood about that either. I just kinda live my life.

By the way, you look to be of pretty average weight of what I can see in that picture. I was the same way in high school, though.


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## Tina (Aug 26, 2006)

Michelle, I agree with Vick, you are beautiful -- inside and out. 

I hear you re: Dimensions. Both the website and the print mag was a large part of my journey to loving my body as is. The print mag came first, though. When I found it, I ordered back issues and just devoured them. Once I found the website I devoured it, too, and then the discussion boards, where the interactivity of people being able to connect and discuss issues of body hatred, fat acceptance, self-love, etc., really helped so much.

The topper is that I met the love of my life here, and we will be married next year. This place has meant so much to so many, it's no wonder we have such a large number of posters and lurkers -- it can be life-changing and -affirming.

Thank you, Conrad and Ruby.





Great thread, Michelle. You would be missed greatly were you to stop posting, my dear. But I totally support you doing what you feel is best for you.


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## Aliena (Aug 26, 2006)

I see a beautiful woman with a beautiful spirit, Michelle. 

I look at pictures of when I was younger and tell myself (and my DH) how utterly stupid I was for thinking I was any different than "Mary" and "Jane" as far as good looks and personality goes. 

In my mind, I always added an extra 100lbs to my actual body weight, you know, to beat myself up harder about. The mind boggles with reality, leaving me to wonder how I even made it past adolescence. 

I still trip though, but not as much as I did before I even knew there was a place out there that saw me as a human being, regardless of size. Thank you Internet, because when this have not became a have--all hell broke loose!


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## Dark_Hart (Aug 26, 2006)

Michelle you were beautiful then, and you're beautiful now :wubu: 

remember " believe in yourself is the key of happiness"  

* muah* :kiss2: 

and thanks for sharing Michelle


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## BBW Betty (Aug 26, 2006)

Michelle, those are great pics. You were and are a beautiful woman.

I also have to agree about how great Dimensions is. My now-husband Frank introduced me to the mags and the website about 5 years ago. I first started posting last year, with the new boards, but what an uplifting experience to identify with people here. I have begun to value myself more and act as if I deserve the respect due any human being instead of apologizing for wanting to go places where people might have to see me.

Super thread idea, too. :bow:


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## Theatrmuse/Kara (Aug 26, 2006)

:bow: I agree with all of the above....Michelle, beautiful then and now.........and that could have been written by any of us!

NAAFA was my first...........nope, BBW magazine, then with Carole Shaw, premiered in the late 70s and opened up a whole new world for me and my body. THEN came NAAFA soon thereafter and finally, for me, Dimensions. They all walked hand in hand in my journey to self acceptance and self love.

I always KINDA knew there were men out there that were attracted to larger women..........because, my own experience was proof of that....I just did not know it was a preference for some. I always thought that the men that loved me KNEW me as a person first and the size came second. NOW, I realize that it comes together for some folk!:doh: 

I still have many, many days when I don't feel attractive and have to make myself caress my aging supersized body. I believe we all do.....just like bad hair days! 

Great thread and thanks to BBW Magazine, NAAFA and Conrad and Dimensions......you all are a BIG positive part of my personal journey!!:bow: 

Hugs, Kara


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## Michelle (Aug 26, 2006)

I truly appreciate everyone's kind words. Just wanted to you to know I wasn't fishing for compliments. I was just sorta amazed at how homely I thought I was in 1977 when I saw that photo and when I look at it today, I think I was kind of pretty back then, even with windblown hair and dorky clothes.  And I don't cringe anymore when I see a current picture of myself either. 

I've even started dressing differently in the past couple of years because of this site. I would have never thought to look for plus sized clothing online if it wasn't for this site.

I'm glad to know that this site has helped as many of you as it has. I rep Conrad whenever I think of it for this site and how it changed my life. Don't forget to rep him everyone and give him your comments on what this site means to you.


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## kathynoon (Aug 26, 2006)

I became active in the size acceptance movement via NAAFA. There I learned to love myself as a person and to accept my body. What Dimensions taught me was that others could be attracted to large people based on appearance only. It was one thing to know that a person who got to know a large person's character and personality would start to think of them as attractive. Now through Dimensions I learned they could find someone sexy purely because of their size and how they presented their body. That was very liberating to me.


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## Miss Vickie (Aug 26, 2006)

Michelle said:


> I truly appreciate everyone's kind words. Just wanted to you to know I wasn't fishing for compliments.



Of course you weren't. That's why we felt so free to give them. Sheesh, darlin'. Don't look a gift compliment in the mouth. Or something.  :wubu:


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## philosobear (Aug 26, 2006)

I can't add to or improve on what's already been said here. Just want to say I'm gonna try and learn from it. Thanks Michelle!


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## Miss Vickie (Aug 26, 2006)

I found a picture of me from high school that I wanted to share. I thought I was the ugliest, fattest thing on the planet, and I probably was fatter than all my friends (I was a size 15/16). But see how I hid behind the guys on either side of me? In every picture I found, I was hiding behind someone.  How sad. And don't even get me started about how, in every single picture, my bangs were so long that it was impossible to see my eyes. (sigh) Right now I'm just a little bigger than I was then, and I'm THRILLED. Perspective -- a funny thing, no?


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## Dark_Hart (Aug 26, 2006)

you always beautiful Vickie :wubu: 

thanks for sharing  

kisses,

Dark_Hart :kiss2:


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## steely (Aug 27, 2006)

It is the same thing I've always thought about myself.I hate the way girls are made to feel about the way they look.Even by people closest to them.I posted in an earlier thread about the fact that I can't see myself.I never knew that I was average looking,I felt absolutely huge.Now that I am huge,I still can't see myself.

Since coming to Dimensions I feel a lot better most days.I just keep telling myself it's ok.You are ok.Everyone else is ok.I am very thankful to have found this site.Let me go find Conrad and rep him for that 

You are a beautiful woman Michelle,then and now.Maybe I can start believing that about myself soon.


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## Michelle (Aug 27, 2006)

Such a cute and sad picture at the same time, Vickie. I guess we both were suffering for no good reason, huh? And yeah, perspective is interesting.



Miss Vickie said:


> I found a picture of me from high school that I wanted to share. I thought I was the ugliest, fattest thing on the planet, and I probably was fatter than all my friends (I was a size 15/16). But see how I hid behind the guys on either side of me? In every picture I found, I was hiding behind someone.  How sad. And don't even get me started about how, in every single picture, my bangs were so long that it was impossible to see my eyes. (sigh) Right now I'm just a little bigger than I was then, and I'm THRILLED. Perspective -- a funny thing, no?


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## SamanthaNY (Aug 27, 2006)

I have pictures of myself from long ago, just like these. And I thought the same things Vicki and Michelle did. 

One of the sadder thoughts that occurs to me about all this... in ten years , will I look at pictures of myself from today, and think "wow, I was looking pretty good, why didn't see it or believe it that much at the time?". 

Such a strange phenomenon - how eyesight gains wisdom only after time.


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## Miss Vickie (Aug 27, 2006)

SamanthaNY said:


> One of the sadder thoughts that occurs to me about all this... in ten years , will I look at pictures of myself from today, and think "wow, I was looking pretty good, why didn't see it or believe it that much at the time?".
> 
> Such a strange phenomenon - how eyesight gains wisdom only after time.



I know what you mean. I think the same thing, too. I wonder, will I look back at pictures of me now and go, "Dayum, I was pretty hot." (or pretty or cute or whatever). I look back at that picture of me in high school and I was damn adorable. No wonder Burtimus braved my family and pastor and couldn't stay away from me.


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## Jay West Coast (Aug 27, 2006)

I suppose this thread is intended for BBW's to talk about the rewards of Dimensions, but I thought I'd chime in regardless. Hopefully a little FA perspective would be ok? 

Dimensions has done great things for me as an FA. It's not that I didn't know I was an FA, or never thought I'd date a fat girl before I ran into it, but it was nevertheless pivotal in my personal growth. When I accidentally discovered Dimensions as a young teenager, I first stubled onto the story board (which was then only a couple hundred stories long...1998?) I devoured every one. It was the first time in my life I was genuinely engaged in fat as a preference, and it was huge. It meant to me that there were other guys out there who saw the world like I did. This nebulous curiosity about fat women (who else secretly spends their allowance money on "A Diary of a Fat Housewife" by Rosemary Green?) to a clear sexual preference. Here were guys happily pursuing, dating, and marrying beautiful fat women; the example was set! 

As I grew older and wandered off to college, I finally got my act together and started dating fat girls. The fact that I had Dimensions and knew about NAAFA meetings and Vegas Bashes legitimized to me dating the girls I wanted to, despite the fact that none of my friends were openly FA's. And, finally, in the last year, I've had the chance to meet up with people and FA's from the boards (a shoutout to my peeps: Tina, Vikki, Rainy, Friday, Mr. Friday, Fatgirlfan, et. al.) and it felt wonderful. It was incredibly natural, like for once the world was normal (sit down with FA's and (SS)BBW's and talk about fat and eat and laugh), and the whole rest of the world was strange (why did everyone else leave that half of Elmer's?). A socio-intellectual paradise. And that's what Dimensions is to me, a little oasis of sanity where my brain can forget about the rest of the anorexic world and see beauty the way I think it ought to be seen. 

So, thanks, Conrad. Your consistency and passion for keeping this place running has been one of the biggest achievements in Fat Acceptance, simply in the way it enables us in ways big and small. 

As hard as I try, I can't keep myself away! Is it all the pretty ladies, or what?  

Jay


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## ripley (Aug 27, 2006)

Jay...great post! You should start a thread here about the FA perspective on how Dimensions has helped them with their own self-image as an FA.  


Michelle...lovely then, lovelier now. I do that same thing, where I look back at pictures and think I wasn't so bad after all. It makes me kick myself for all the time I've wasted...and all the bad things I've said to myself. 

Love the pictures...of you, and Vickie. What lovely women, inside and out, that have found Dimensions.


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## Tina (Aug 27, 2006)

Jay West Coast said:


> As I grew older and wandered off to college, I finally got my act together and started dating fat girls. The fact that I had Dimensions and knew about NAAFA meetings and Vegas Bashes legitimized to me dating the girls I wanted to, despite the fact that none of my friends were openly FA's. And, finally, in the last year, I've had the chance to meet up with people and FA's from the boards (a shoutout to my peeps: Tina, Vikki, Rainy, Friday, Mr. Friday, Fatgirlfan, et. al.) and it felt wonderful. It was incredibly natural, like for once the world was normal (sit down with FA's and (SS)BBW's and talk about fat and eat and laugh), and the whole rest of the world was strange (why did everyone else leave that half of Elmer's?). A socio-intellectual paradise. And that's what Dimensions is to me, a little oasis of sanity where my brain can forget about the rest of the anorexic world and see beauty the way I think it ought to be seen.
> 
> So, thanks, Conrad. Your consistency and passion for keeping this place running has been one of the biggest achievements in Fat Acceptance, simply in the way it enables us in ways big and small.
> 
> ...



I think it's great to get the FA perspective, Jay; to me it is very welcome, because in many ways, we are opposite sides of the same coin, are we not? And did people leave our section? I never even noticed -- or cared what people thought enough to have noticed. I guess I've changed in that way (and others), from my very shy days.   And a shoutout back to ya, Jay!

There really is no substitute for connecting with like minds and those we are attracted to, when our physical being, and our preference, are not only not mainstream, but a complete anomaly and abberation to some. What I wouldn't have given to have dated an avowed FA in high school, or even after. It never -- ever -- would have occurred to me that there might have been a few boys who secretly liked the way I looked.

I had no idea what Fat Admirers were until I started reading Dimensions Magazine. The women in it were beautiful, and Conrad's editorials, plus articles by Glen Sommers and Josh Max were revelations -- what were these men who called themselves Fat Admirers? All I had known before that was that there were guys who weren't sickened by my body (not many, mind you, but a few). My husband at the time loved my body, but neither of us knew what FAs were (most men he knew and worked with couldn't understand his attraction to me, and some even tried to set him up with other women), and to be honest, for a while I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him that he liked my body. When I finally came to see the beauty of my own form it was no longer a mystery, but it took what seemed like forever for that epiphany.

Earlier, I mentioned what Dimensions meant to me, but I didn't really say what changed for me after Conrad asked to feature me in the print mag. I went from a woman who was afraid of the camera and avoided it at all costs, to someone who learned to be comfortable with it. I would say that comfort coincided with my own comfort with myself, but the fear I had was so great that I knew I had to conquer it. It's really because of the fear, and the fact that doing it seemed like one of the final steps in my evolution of self-perception that I took Conrad up on his request, and I'm very glad I did. This is one of my favorite pictures from that shoot, because it shows that comfort and ease with myself and the camera, and unless you knew me then, you'd have no idea just how difficult taking all those pictures were at first. By the end of it, I felt really good about it. The year before this photo was taken, I felt hideous. It's amazing what a difference support, and an open-minded willingness to see something good about oneself will do. 







I would likely have dated a man who wasn't an FA, under the right circumstances; but I really like that Big is an Admirer. I prefer it, really.

Long live fat girls. And long live Admirers. :wubu:


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## Jane (Aug 27, 2006)

Michelle said:


> I truly appreciate everyone's kind words. Just wanted to you to know I wasn't fishing for compliments. I was just sorta amazed at how homely I thought I was in 1977 when I saw that photo and when I look at it today, I think I was kind of pretty back then, even with windblown hair and dorky clothes.  And I don't cringe anymore when I see a current picture of myself either.
> 
> I've even started dressing differently in the past couple of years because of this site. I would have never thought to look for plus sized clothing online if it wasn't for this site.
> 
> I'm glad to know that this site has helped as many of you as it has. I rep Conrad whenever I think of it for this site and how it changed my life. Don't forget to rep him everyone and give him your comments on what this site means to you.


Michelle, I was thinking exactly the same thing about my life this week. Strange, huh?

And you were absolutely lovely then. You're absolutely lovely now (actually you haven't changed all that much).


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## William (Aug 27, 2006)

Hi Jane

You know I now realize that most of my life I made sure that I was the one taking the photos 

I have very few photos of me in the teen years 

William




Jane said:


> Michelle, I was thinking exactly the same thing about my life this week. Strange, huh?
> 
> And you were absolutely lovely then. You're absolutely lovely now (actually you haven't changed all that much).


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## Jane (Aug 27, 2006)

William said:


> Hi Jane
> 
> You know I now realize that most of my life I made sure that I was the one taking the photos
> 
> ...


William, I did exactly the same thing, then realized I was photographing life instead of living it.

I have a friend, a professional photographer, who I told this to. He now leaves his camera at home instead of bringing it to social events.


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## Donna (Aug 27, 2006)

Michelle, I read your words and I am reminded why it is that I admire you so much. As many have said, and I am sure many more will say, you truly were lovely then and you're even more lovely now. I understand your reasons for doing what it is that you have to do for yourself and I am blessed to have the privilege of knowing you.

And I can only add my own story to the mix. I hated myself in high school. I was so ashamed of myself. I have often said since then thank god big, boxy style clothes were in style then because I found myself hiding behind them a LOT. I was just over 200 lbs when I graduated from high school and I felt HUGE. I was the biggest person I knew then, and outside of online folks, I am the biggest person in my world now. 





Dimensions print magazine was a turning point for me. I happened upon a copy at a bookstore that specialized in hard to find items (I was looking for some obscure music magazine if memory serves me) and I was in AWE of them women inside. I distinctly remember looking at the picture of Conrad's wife and being jealous of how beautiful she was and how I longed to be that beautiful and self-assured. Somewhere in that first issue was an advertisement for Leslea Newman's book Somebody to Love: A Guide to Loving the Body You Have. That book changed me, helped me to develop the self confidence I wanted so desperately.

I've read a great many more authors since then and spent countless hours reading these boards and chatting in the chatroom. My confidence has been a roller coaster ride since then, up and down, high and low. I have learned a lot about myself here, especially interacting with others who are on different levels of confidence. I've learned it's ok to experience times when my confidence isn't at a level ten. I've seen the positive and the negative sides of the experience of being a fat woman in a thin world; just as I have seen the positive and negative sides of a community of this size. I'm glad I found Dims and I hope lessons learned here will stay with me when the time comes for me to move on. No, I am not moving on, but I know that in communities like this, people come and go and I accept that life is all about these kinds of changes.

Thanks for letting me put my two cents in.


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## Dark_Hart (Aug 27, 2006)

beautiful women with beautiful spirit... :wubu: 

thank you ladies for sharing that


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## Dark_Hart (Aug 27, 2006)

Donnaalicious said:


> Michelle, I read your words and I am reminded why it is that I admire you so much. As many have said, and I am sure many more will say, you truly were lovely then and you're even more lovely now. I understand your reasons for doing what it is that you have to do for yourself and I am blessed to have the privilege of knowing you.
> 
> And I can only add my own story to the mix. I hated myself in high school. I was so ashamed of myself. I have often said since then thank god big, boxy style clothes were in style then because I found myself hiding behind them a LOT. I was just over 200 lbs when I graduated from high school and I felt HUGE. I was the biggest person I knew then, and outside of online folks, I am the biggest person in my world now.
> 
> ...



eww sweetie you are always beautiful and gorgeous... :wubu: 

thanks for sharing your story  

*muah*

Dark_Hart :kiss2:


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## Brenda (Aug 27, 2006)

Michelle,

What a fantastic post! You were and are beautiful and I admire you for being so "real" with us and yourself.

It seems to me (and I am guilty so no stone throwing here) is that fat women post pictures of themselves where they look the least fat. That even here we are trying to create the image we are what we are not, thin.

Today I was at the pool with my family and my niece wore shorts over her swimsuit. She is about a size 14 and 18 years old. We were in my sisters backyard and she felt she had to wear shorts in front of us. I am a size 22 and my sister is a size 16 so clearly we are not going to be judging her. I wanted to say to her this is the best you will ever look, you will look back to this day in ten or twenty years and wish you had known that and appreciated how beautiful you are. 


Brenda


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## Renaissance Woman (Aug 28, 2006)

Brenda said:


> It seems to me (and I am guilty so no stone throwing here) is that fat women post pictures of themselves where they look the least fat. That even here we are trying to create the image we are what we are not, thin.


Guilty as charged over here, too. Although part of that stems from the fact that I don't want what would be considered a hot cheesecake swimsuit photo here ending up on some hate site with the caption that I was a beached whale or that I had swallowed the contents of the swimming pool. I fear that happening, as I've seen some of those sites, and they are too reminiscent of what I, and probably most of us fat people, experienced in grade and high school. 

This site has done more to improve my self-image in the 25 days I've been a member than anything before in my life. But I do worry that it has quickly become an addiction. The first thing I do when I get up is check the board, I get too excited over the few PM's I get, and I still read and posted via my Sidekick while on vacation, when I was ostensibly away from technology and the modern world. 

But even here, in what should be a safe environment, I still feel the need to present myself in a certain light. For example, (big admission coming), my 20-year high school reunion is next weekend. I won't be going due to graduate school conflicts, but looking at my senior pictures, objectively I honestly don't see a huge difference between what I looked like then and now, except for more pounds. And yet I look at pictures of myself now and cringe, when there isn't a huge difference, really. I've got a husband who adores me and tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and yet it still doesn't seem to be enough. I still feel like I have to come here and post flirty things to men I'll never meet because I think I've been deprived of real-life flirting. (And yes, I told my husband and he said, "Have fun; I know you'll never take it any further than e-mail." So I'm good to go.)

It is comforting to know I'm not the only one with the image problem, though. That means a lot, and thank you everyone who's posted. 

Rocking the 80's hair in the graduation photos:


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## liz (di-va) (Aug 28, 2006)

oh golly, Michelle. Thanks for your posting. You are brave!

Also: you are beautiful. Right now. Just notin.

To focus on one part of what you said that I have to write about: It is sad, it's incredibly sad (and I'm gonna get on my little sturdy soapbox for a moment about this) how INCREDIBLY OFTEN this is a common thread in the lives of my fat friends--I and MANY WOMEN I KNOW all have that that exact experience of looking at a photo of ourselves, usually at the apex of self-hate and supposed fatness in our prime adolescent years (after a skinny childhood or a fat one, doesn't matter) and saying, with enormous sadness and pain: "That was fat?" "I called this fat?" "*They* called this fat?" "I was barely fat!" SO many fat women I know, the vast majority of them, have had this experience, and it breaks my heart every time. NOT because we're not beautiful now, but because of all the reasons you expect: It's just heartbreaking to see yourself in the middle of learning to hate how you look, at a time when--you can see now--you actually weren't far out of the mainstream, all the raging dysmorphia notwithstanding. It's very hard to not want to leap into the past and say...HEY! You're beautiful! Tell them to fuck off, whatever your size! Hang in there! If you can believe in yourself just a little...!

Anyhow, it makes me furious, furious for all the years of wasted energy on everybody's part. And--for me--yes, Dimensions has definitely been a tool in undoing a lot of that hurt. 

It's interesting--Dim's not the only tool I've got, but I've discovered (I've come and gone a lot over the years--can never seem to keep up) that there is an extra element of support that comes from the porny/sexual side of things here that you can't get elsewhere! It's one thing to talk the empowered talk, it's another thing to see guys all googly eyed at naked fat girls. I think I *believed* in it all more once I discovered Dimensions. It's where I first tried out posting photos of myself, etc. I am not into the feedery side of things, so I've found I had to step lightly, but still--there's some kind of shot in the arm I get here I can't seem to get anywhere else. Like a tune-up.

Is it wrong to assume it'll be here if you have to go away? Probably not. I mean, I hope it's strong enough to keep going if you gotta go away for awhile! Hold on loosely! Who doesn't love words of wisdom from .38 Special! I'm not really sure what I'm talking about!

But you're gorj - I know that.


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## Dark_Hart (Aug 28, 2006)

Renaissance Woman said:


> Guilty as charged over here, too. Although part of that stems from the fact that I don't want what would be considered a hot cheesecake swimsuit photo here ending up on some hate site with the caption that I was a beached whale or that I had swallowed the contents of the swimming pool. I fear that happening, as I've seen some of those sites, and they are too reminiscent of what I, and probably most of us fat people, experienced in grade and high school.
> 
> This site has done more to improve my self-image in the 25 days I've been a member than anything before in my life. But I do worry that it has quickly become an addiction. The first thing I do when I get up is check the board, I get too excited over the few PM's I get, and I still read and posted via my Sidekick while on vacation, when I was ostensibly away from technology and the modern world.
> 
> ...



wooow ..what a beauty :wubu: 

*muah* and thanks for sharing your story :wubu:


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## liz (di-va) (Aug 28, 2006)

Jay West Coast said:


> As I grew older and wandered off to college, I finally got my act together and started dating fat girls. The fact that I had Dimensions and knew about NAAFA meetings and Vegas Bashes legitimized to me dating the girls I wanted to, despite the fact that none of my friends were openly FA's. And, finally, in the last year, I've had the chance to meet up with people and FA's from the boards (a shoutout to my peeps: Tina, Vikki, Rainy, Friday, Mr. Friday, Fatgirlfan, et. al.) and it felt wonderful. It was incredibly natural, like for once the world was normal (sit down with FA's and (SS)BBW's and talk about fat and eat and laugh), and the whole rest of the world was strange (why did everyone else leave that half of Elmer's?). A socio-intellectual paradise. And that's what Dimensions is to me, a little oasis of sanity where my brain can forget about the rest of the anorexic world and see beauty the way I think it ought to be seen.
> Jay



That's luvly Jay! And very interesting to hear from the FA POV...!

liz


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## sophie44 (Aug 28, 2006)

I am new to here and I would say that is it making me feel better about myself in the fact that I now know I am not alone and that chubby is in!!


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## 3CatsAnd1Fish (Aug 28, 2006)

Would you believe I was a size 5 in high school? But that was because I was eating far less, moving from foster home to foster home and eventually homeless in my senior year. Now I'm a 20. We chubsters have the round youthful look, like cherubs and baby angels. (Unlike the gaunt, tight, tired heroin chic look of the magazines. Hence why their need for all that makeup.) Someone complimented me by [acting?] surprised and asking, "Are you old enough for kids?"

But of course, I wear my age like a badge of honor. All those commercials for makeup to make you look younger and hide your age. Your age should be a testament of time. I love my few gray hair. I like them!


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## Michelle (Aug 28, 2006)

When I first posted, I was just kind of rambling and feeling like posting. I didn't imagine it would result in so many good posts from you all. Thanks for participating in this thread. Di-va - so glad to see you here and posting. You're always fun to have around. It's been a long time!

I was thinking about all of this and how so many of us have wasted so much time feeling badly about ourselves, as someone pointed out, and recalled a story I heard on the radio many years ago. A woman was researching adolescent girls' diaries and wrote a book about it. She started with what she could find pre-1900 and followed them up through the 1970's (as I recall-I heard this a long time ago so my memory is a little fuzzy). 

Up until about the mid-1920's, most girls talked about how they wanted to become better people and the way to do that was to learn more about God, to educate themselves, to be more humble and less vain, to be more compassionate and less judgmental, etc.

After the flapper era began, the diaries started changing. All of a sudden, the girls became critical of themselves. They talked more about how they looked, how they should look, about boys, and about celebrities. And of course, it just kept getting worse as the years progressed.

I think this goes to show what mass media has done to society's view of itself and I find this so frustrating. I'm going to stop typing about it now, because I feel a big 'ol rant coming on. I wish I could remember the name of hte book. I've always meant to buy it and read it.

Anyway, I sure have enjoyed reading everyone's comments, both here in the thread and privately. Thanks again.


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## MissToodles (Aug 28, 2006)

Michelle, Joan Jacobs Brumberg is the woman who wrote about America's ever changing view towards body image in 
The Body Project


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## missaf (Aug 28, 2006)

I just wanted to chime in and say thank you to Conrad for creating the magazine, and now this refuge for those of us who have needed a place to gain strength before carrying on the message of acceptance to others. :wubu: 

This place wouldn't be the same without any of you, and I cherish the messages, lessons and time well spent here with you all. :kiss2:


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## eightyseven (Aug 28, 2006)

Isn't it a nice to come to the realization that all these things you thought were so wrong with you weren't really wrong at all? Being you is never wrong. That's so awesome you've had that kind of "Wow" moment!


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## Ghostly-Spectre (Sep 1, 2006)

I applaud this site and I’m glad it is having a positive impact on the self image of big and beautiful people.

Sometimes, though, I do wish that I could visit a site that applauded people like me and raised my self image. I’m a tall, skinny white boy and there seems to be no love for my kind on the internet, at least not in an organized website kind of way.


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## merseylass (Sep 1, 2006)

I am again going through a depression that is almost "hidden" iyswim. I try and keep this under wraps but it gets so impossibly difficult some days. I have only joined this site this week and haven't found my way around as yet so probably this isn't the best place to put this post.

I've read through this thread and am so happy that there is an acceptance of fat to be found. All my life I've been nagged, cajolled, threatened, talked down to because of my weight. As with some of you, I've looked at photos of myself through the years and think I was (especially in early childhood up to my teen years) above average weight and mucked around with enforced diets until I felt unacceptable to take up the space I occupied. When I am depressed, as now, food/weight/self-image/worthlessness/hopelessness all get ahold of me BIG TIME. But also in these photos I look fine, even pretty, so I am filled with anger/resentment that I was told I was second class and unmanageable with food issues. I binge eat and feel even more depressed; I sit and cry in frustration and feel more depressed....does anyone understand what this is like ? (I suspect most will.)

I was fortunate in the late 70's, early 80's when still living in Canada, to come into contact with a group of ladies who were all BBW's. A group was begun which focused mainly on good self-image, acceptance of our rights to good clothing, properly spaced seating, acceptance in every sense of the word. There were great exercise classes for BBW (even in a pool too so we dared to put on bathing suits)...very liberating. Sadly, when I left Canada for the UK I also left behind a lot of the increased self-esteem this group helped me to find. In the last few years fat issues have raised their ugly head again...and the ensuing depression.

I am in therapy atm, and issues relating to my body image, emotional needs, food as my "enemy" issues etc. are just now starting to surface and I'm finding it particularly difficult. I stumbled upon this site this week and felt I may be in for gathering some hope and self-acceptance here. Reading this thread confirms I am right. 

I really thank you for your honesty and for the things I have read so far in these forums that convince me there is a point and a place of enjoyment living as a fat person. Mobility issues aside...I would like to learn again the art of self-acceptance. Does this make sense to anyone....and apologies for the ramble too.

Jacquie

~~~~and if this isn't the appropriate place to put this post can someone tell me which part of this site is?? Just on a learning curve as I mentioned in my first post a few days back  ....also the magazine you mention.....is it available in the UK? I have read BBW mag years ago when in Canada but haven't heard of Dimension mag before. TIA~~~


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## TheSadeianLinguist (Sep 1, 2006)

This is absolutely the appropriate place. Thank you for sharing your story. 

I found the print version of Dim via my therapist when I was a teen. She was a BBW, and I was anorexic, and scared to death of becoming fat. Exercising control over my body through starvation seemed to be the only way I could control anything, but when I looked through these pages, the models in the magazine just seemed to have so much control over themselves and their environment. It helped me be comfortable today with my much larger body.


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## Michelle (Sep 1, 2006)

Perfect place for this post, jacquie. Glad you're here.


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## Tina (Sep 1, 2006)

Ghostly-Spectre said:


> I applaud this site and Im glad it is having a positive impact on the self image of big and beautiful people.
> 
> Sometimes, though, I do wish that I could visit a site that applauded people like me and raised my self image. Im a tall, skinny white boy and there seems to be no love for my kind on the internet, at least not in an organized website kind of way.



Heh. Honey, have you tried making a post here with the title, "Tall, skinny white boy needs love?" Try it and see what happens. Trust me.


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## Tina (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi, Jacquie. Almost all of us have been through a version of what you have experienced, and there can be comfort in numbers. There are so very many wonderful people here that I have grown to love. I think you will, too. Welcome.


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## Carrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Tina said:


> Heh. Honey, have you tried making a post here with the title, "Tall, skinny white boy needs love?" Try it and see what happens. Trust me.



*perk* Tall, skinny white boy? 

I mean, um, yeah. What Tina said.


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## merseylass (Sep 1, 2006)

Thanks for the welcome, Tina. I'm still finding my way through the maze of Dimensions forums....very encouraging and enlightening too.

Jacquie x


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## Tina (Sep 1, 2006)

You're welcome. 

There's a lot to read, and like any community, online or off, you'll find a mix of personalities and the negative with the positive. I just try to concentrate on the positive as much as possible.


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## merseylass (Sep 1, 2006)

Tina, your essays were great! I have been told by my therapist (undergoing CBT at the moment) that my ability to think positively is greatly impaired. One aim of the therapy is to teach me to convert my negative reactions/thinking to positive. It seems this has been the one thing that you have been able to convey in your essays and put into practice in your life, Tina. 

I hope I get there one day too.

Jacquie x


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## Tina (Sep 1, 2006)

You will, Jacquie, I believe you can. Aand I can give you something to help you. It has helped me in the past.

1) Self-awareness is key, and the first step. Become aware, and try to catch yourself thinking negative things. Note it, but do not judge yourself, then move on.

When you have found a pattern, maybe within a few days or a week, move to the next step, but the real key is being aware of each time you do it, acknowledging it without scorn, but noting it and realizing you are doing it.

2) Write yourself a script of a few sentences or affirmations that counter the negative thoughts you run through your head. Keep them with you at all times, or have them memorized, if you can -- even better. Either one works.

3) Every time you tell yourself something negative about yourself -- whether it is about who you are or what you look like -- stop yourself, forcefully, if you must IOW, you might be in the car driving someplace and for some reason you have "one of those thoughts" pop into your head. Actually say "stop!" if you must. Whatever you have to do to break that cycle of thought, do it. The out loud method, of course, works better when you're alone...  But when you're not -- mentally yell "stop!" and do not allow yourself to continue on with your previous, destructive, train of thought.

4) Replace that thought with something positive from your scripts. For instance, at one point, I might see a conventionally thin and beautiful woman and then think to myself, "I will never look like that. I will always be fat and ugly." After stopping myself before I could go further, I would replace the thought with, "it's okay that I will never look like her. She is she and I am who I am -- we are not meant to look, or be, alike. I have my own beauty that shines just as brightly as hers does, though everyone that admires her may not see it. 

That's a long one, but you get the idea. It's all about controlling the paths your mind wanders down. If you have a lot of old, destructive tapes in there, they are apt to re-play from time to time. Recognze them, stop them, then counter them. Before long it will become habit, and then after a while, you won't even have those thoughts (or maybe on a particualrly bad day, or when you're feeling vulnerable, etc.) but the good feelings about yourself will remain.

Society will try to brainwash you; don't let them. You are in charge of what you think and how you feel about yourself -- take control.


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## Tina (Sep 1, 2006)

BTW, Jacquie, I am remiss in not thanking you for your kind and complimentary words about my essays. I'm very glad that you like them and I hope they helped in some small way.


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## Jane (Sep 1, 2006)

For years I had to tell myself each morning "I'm going to make this the best day I can make it." Do that enough (corny and hokey as it sounds, it starts your day averting bad thoughts) and eventually you just do it naturally.


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## Tina (Sep 1, 2006)

Exactly, Jane. I have heard that sort of thing called "fake it 'till you make it," and it works.


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## Aliena (Sep 2, 2006)

Donnaalicious said:


> Michelle, I read your words and I am reminded why it is that I admire you so much. As many have said, and I am sure many more will say, you truly were lovely then and you're even more lovely now. I understand your reasons for doing what it is that you have to do for yourself and I am blessed to have the privilege of knowing you.
> 
> And I can only add my own story to the mix. I hated myself in high school. I was so ashamed of myself. I have often said since then thank god big, boxy style clothes were in style then because I found myself hiding behind them a LOT. I was just over 200 lbs when I graduated from high school and I felt HUGE. I was the biggest person I knew then, and outside of online folks, I am the biggest person in my world now.
> 
> ...


 

Donna, I have a picture on my entertainment center that if we were to put the one on the left of your post to mine, people would say we are twins. 

You blew my mind away today---wow! Lovely gal you are though. Hmmm, I wonder by complementing you means I am complementing me?:doh:


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## KuroBara (Dec 7, 2006)

I just want to say that while I've always had a semi-positive view of myself, coming here has reinforced my image. It's always nice to know someone would want you for what you consider your flaws (if you were anywhere NEAR each other!!! grwwwr!!!!). While no one has ever compliemented me personally, just knowing there is a community where I could be apprceciated makes me really happy.


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## RedHotAva (Dec 9, 2006)

I haven't been on Dims very long, but it has done wonders for my self esteem. A lot of it was thrust upon me at first when I modeled for the first time- all I could do is say thank you for the nice things people said. Then I got more into the other boards, and I really feel like I am more comfortable with myself now.

It is really amazing the way my body confidence evolved, too. I started getting chubby in early elementary school (eating for comfort as we moved every year and my parents fought), and my mom had me on diets since about 4th or 5th grade. Needless to say, being on diets so young just kept me fat and gaining weight because they not only had me yo-yo-ing, but I learned very early on that losing weight was good, and gaining weight was bad- when I was still a growing kid. So I basically hated my body from age 8-9 on. In middle school, I was the fattest girl in my class- the 1st pic is from 6th grade, the second from 8th







I grew considerably in height, and by 8th grade I was around 5'8 and wearing a size 16, but I hated my body. I gained weight all through high school because I still hated my body and was an emotional eater. That whole, I'm fat because I eat and I eat because I'm fat thing was totally true for me.

NOW, though, I still would change things about my body if I had the chance, but I am generally happy with myself. I also feel like a whole world has opened up to me now that I know FAs exist. It's funny, now that I don't wake up every morning and hate my body, now that I love clothes shopping and have no problem asking for my size in a store, I have stopped gaining weight. I just feel like I am in the body I was meant to grow into, and now I doesn't have to change anymore. I feel lucky to have made so much peace with myself at my age, too, because I feel like my future is a lot brighter than it would have been if I had never discovered this whole community.


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## Dark_Hart (Dec 9, 2006)

RedHotAva said:


> I haven't been on Dims very long, but it has done wonders for my self esteem. A lot of it was thrust upon me at first when I modeled for the first time- all I could do is say thank you for the nice things people said. Then I got more into the other boards, and I really feel like I am more comfortable with myself now.
> 
> It is really amazing the way my body confidence evolved, too. I started getting chubby in early elementary school (eating for comfort as we moved every year and my parents fought), and my mom had me on diets since about 4th or 5th grade. Needless to say, being on diets so young just kept me fat and gaining weight because they not only had me yo-yo-ing, but I learned very early on that losing weight was good, and gaining weight was bad- when I was still a growing kid. So I basically hated my body from age 8-9 on. In middle school, I was the fattest girl in my class- the 1st pic is from 6th grade, the second from 8th
> 
> ...



what a sweet story..thanks for sharing with us Ava :blush: 

be proud of yourself ..you are such a doll..beautiful Redhot queen.. :blush: :wubu:

great personality mixed with the beautiful look...Ava ...you are amazing :blush: 

*muah* :wubu: 
Dark_Hart


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## loves2laugh (Dec 9, 2006)

this site is really wonderful- i remember walking past a couple of people and one of them commented about me being fat and they started laughing and i thought yea i am fat then started to wiggle my big fat butt just a little more!  

i have come a long way baby and much of the reason is this site!


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## Aireman (Dec 9, 2006)

Gosh, reading these threads has hit home for me too! My early pic's show a tubby kid, but not really fat at all! And yes I did all those diet things and LOT'S of exersize at the behest of my parents. But in the long run I still would pack on the pounds. At the end of high school I was a solidly bult 230 from football and sports but still the "fattest" kid in school. 

After high school and no exercize (was working two jobs) I balloned up to almost 300 pounds. Not big by standards now, but back in the early 80's huge! I have struggled with the weight all my life and almost just gave up, but I joined a gym again and Weight Watchers too. Iv'e been pretty stable at 220 to 240 now for years and still didn't feel good about myself. 

I found this site a couple of years ago and was shocked to find out that there were other FA's out ther who also like bigger giirls but that there are FFA'S (though in much smaller numbers)! 

I still have issues with my size, but I find that I want to post in the other threads pic's of my self! Heck, I don't even take my shirt off when I go swimming. My ex is the only one who I ever undressed for.

Thanks for having a place where I feel kinda attractive!


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## Tina (Dec 9, 2006)

I'm so glad to see this thread take off again, as it is one of my favorite threads here. 

Kuro, how wonderful that you already had a somewhat positive self-perception. It's so unfortunately unusual for a woman to feel that way. 

Ava, sounds like you and I went through the same stuff in our childhoods regarding dieting. And yet, my mom and dad, who are/were both excellent cooks, still made delicious, fattening things. So it was a conflict: don't eat much, yet look!! Lovely, wonderful Italian food and homemade desserts! *sigh* I'm really glad you ventured out beyond the paysite board, and truly enjoyed your post here. What a beautiful child you were. Do you find you look at old pictures and you don't look nearly as fat as you felt? I hear that alot, though my own experience is that I look pretty much as fat as I felt, mostly, because I was a round butterball. But the thing is, I don't think I was ugly, and back then I sure did. This is a picture of me (low quality, admittedly), taken with an old B&W camera, even though there was color then... I was 13, I think. The problem was compounded by the fact that by 11 years old, I already wore a B-cup bra, which made me feel even more odd.

Aireman, I don't think there are a smaller number of FFA, but more that women are usually less likely to go seeking a mate out based purely upon the physical, so it may _seem_ like there are fewer, but really, a lot of women like men who are bigger than they are, which can include a whole spectrum, from big-boned to truly fat.


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## William (Dec 9, 2006)

Hi Aireman

Good to hear a BHM talking about true fat acceptance and fat experiences. I always tell people in Fat Acceptance that if they hear BHM talking about issues they have to come to Dimensions 

William




Aireman said:


> Gosh, reading these threads has hit home for me too! My early pic's show a tubby kid, but not really fat at all! And yes I did all those diet things and LOT'S of exersize at the behest of my parents. But in the long run I still would pack on the pounds. At the end of high school I was a solidly bult 230 from football and sports but still the "fattest" kid in school.
> 
> After high school and no exercize (was working two jobs) I balloned up to almost 300 pounds. Not big by standards now, but back in the early 80's huge! I have struggled with the weight all my life and almost just gave up, but I joined a gym again and Weight Watchers too. Iv'e been pretty stable at 220 to 240 now for years and still didn't feel good about myself.
> 
> ...


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## RedHotAva (Dec 9, 2006)

Tina said:


> I'm so glad to see this thread take off again, as it is one of my favorite threads here.
> 
> Kuro, how wonderful that you already had a somewhat positive self-perception. It's so unfortunately unusual for a woman to feel that way.
> 
> ...



I totally look back on my pics from middle school and think about how silly I was. Its always looking back that we think, man I wish I still looked like that now, but when we did look like that, we hated it. I think you have to change to appreciate the way you were, and maybe learn to appreciate the way you are now. That's a big part of what keeps me content. I know that whether I love myself or hate myself the way I am now, 10 years down the road I'll look back and wish I still looked this way. It also keeps me from taking too much for granted. Maybe I will still be unhappy with some of the same things 10 years down the road, but I will wish I still looked so young, or had the balls to wear some of the things I wear, etc. I'm glad to be able to appreciate the good things more now I guess, and not just focus on the negative.


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## D square (Apr 10, 2007)

I being a proud FA, can see that this subject can be painful on a lot of different levels. I may never be one to walk the mile in your shows, but I like many overs are here to walk along side you on your journey.

BTY: It seems there is some in the general media who are giving positive mention to the beauty of the full figure...

http://www.raquelmarmor.com/-LUSCIOUS-/LUSCIOUS.html


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## Waxwing (Apr 10, 2007)

Looking back on yourself and realizing that reality and your perception of self weren't in agreement is something that is kind of painful to me. About anything really, weight or anything else. 

It's such a hard trick to become fully conscious, and comfortable with, the way things are now.

I think of how much time I have wasted in the past with self-doubt. 

meh, sigh.


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## Regular Bill (Apr 10, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> Looking back on yourself and realizing that reality and your perception of self weren't in agreement is something that is kind of painful to me. About anything really, weight or anything else.
> 
> It's such a hard trick to become fully conscious, and comfortable with, the way things are now.
> 
> ...



Waxwing-
It is a hard thing to do, but I found out it's well worth all of the hard work. 

Bill


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## James (Apr 11, 2007)

Dimensions has been a great place for me and I fully recognise the positive impact that the opinions expressed by people here have had on me ever since I first started reading the boards in 96/97? (might have been earlier?).

The frame of reference it provided allowed me to make sense of my own preference. I grew in confidence from the accepting, open-minded and understanding environment that was here. I began to speak of my preference with good friends in the understanding that it really wasnt all that weird to be me...

Things were groovy...well until the age of 17 at least. It was at that point that my mother suddenly decided it her maternal duty to snoop through my internet history, where she discovered Dimensions. Having recently returned from a humanitarian project in Romania (where she frequently encountered the starving and the homeless) she was unable to hide her total disgust for it and my aesthetic. She labeled it a "phase"... and that it was one she sincerely hoped I would "grow out of". Her disappointment was pretty vocal and it was not an easy time for me. It really did set me back... 

It wasnt until the following year when I went to university, made a clear break and re-connected with Dims that I found my colours again and wore them proudly. 

...after university, during my early 20's, I was a v. poorly renumerated bloke working in conservation. Chose to live in out of home (poverty) rather than with parents (insanity) ... had no internet use other than at work & so I rarely came here and eventually lost touch with the place somewhat. It was only last year that I decided to get involved in the community again... its been cool. 

Its still a place where people come to find acceptance... and I hope this never changes. It is a broad church here, a melting pot... and its a pot that has gotten pretty damn BIG!... 

This is a potentially a great thing for the future of those FAs and BBWs that seek understanding of size acceptance...

I do wonder occasionally if the 'fat-centric', 'fat-opic' views expressed might sometimes actually be counter-productive to size acceptance though (in a wider context than to just the individuals that seek it here). I don't mean that we _shouldnt _be 'fat-centric'... I just feel that perhaps too frequently, the reality line gets ignored or overstepped when it comes to certain issues... respect for health and lifestyle impacts being the most notable of these (and I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who is well read in Schwartz, Campos, Gaessner and other authors on the subject). 

anyway, I'm just rambling on and on and on (possibly my longest and least coherant post yet)...! Apologies


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## Tina (Apr 11, 2007)

No, you're not rambling, James, I throughly enjoyed your post. Sorry that you went through such difficulties with your mother. It's hard to have such a split, when it's over something as personal as who you are as related to what and who you are attracted to in your personal life. I can imagine it must have been extremely painful and difficult at times.

I had no idea you've been around here for so long. Did you not post, or did you have a different handle? You are an admirable man in your independence and ethics. There sure is some very lucky girl in your future, young man. 

This is, by the way, one of my very favorite threads here at Dims. Thanks again for creating it, Michelle.


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## James (Apr 11, 2007)

Tina said:


> No, you're not rambling, James, I throughly enjoyed your post. Sorry that you went through such difficulties with your mother. It's hard to have such a split, when it's over something as personal as who you are as related to what and who you are attracted to in your personal life. I can imagine it must have been extremely painful and difficult at times.
> 
> I had no idea you've been around here for so long. Did you not post, or did you have a different handle? You are an admirable man in your independence and ethics. There sure is some very lucky girl in your future, young man.
> 
> This is, by the way, one of my very favorite threads here at Dims. Thanks again for creating it, Michelle.



erm, since the changeover to the new boards I didnt really start posting regularly till last September. 

I registered the handle "James" when the switch to V-bulletin happened in the Sept/October before that... I cant remember if my handle on the old boards was JamesUK , UKJames or something similar... might have been just "Jim"? I used to post every now and again - not as much as I do now anyways....

and ta for the compliment - t'is very sweet of you


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## Tina (Apr 11, 2007)

No wonder I didn't remember you. 

And no thanks needed for telling the truth.


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## Tracyarts (Apr 11, 2007)

Michelle said:


> While I'm not happy with the health problems that can come with fat and while I don't think I look my best this fat, I still don't hate my body or myself.




I feel somewhat the same way. I do love myself, I love being *me* and I love the life I have. 

I do have a very strong love-hate relationship with my body though. I love everything about my body except for the last bit of weight I gained which brought the chronic pain and mobility loss along with it. (And that is the key I am totally fine with and always was fine with being a fat person). If I were not in chronic pain and were completely mobile, I would not hate anything about my body. 

I guess maybe I hate the pain and the mobility loss more than the fat. But it is hard to separate that in my mind because the fat caused the pain and mobility loss. When there is something I really want to do, but my pain and mobility limitations prevent me from doing it, it really brings me down. When I got to a weight where I ceased to be able to do certain things which were very integral parts of my personhood and as such, my happiness, it devestated me. 

Like I said, it is VERY hard to separate the fat from the pain and mobility loss. Most days I try and divorce that extra amount of fat from my personhood and consider it like a cancer or some other malignancy that causes me suffering and limits my life potential. It is not my body in and of itself that causes me so much pain and takes so much away from me, not even my *fat* body, but it is that extra amount of weight that puts me beyond my personal threshold zone that is at fault. 

And THAT is something I just cannot embrace. I cannot embrace that 200 pounds any more than I could embrace a brain tumor.

Tracy


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## Webmaster (Apr 12, 2007)

Jay West Coast said:


> ...So, thanks, Conrad. Your consistency and passion for keeping this place running has been one of the biggest achievements in Fat Acceptance, simply in the way it enables us in ways big and small. ...



Thanks! Sometimes it's hard to imagine that I started all this 23 YEARS ago!!


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## D square (Apr 13, 2007)

Waxwing said:


> It's such a hard trick to become fully conscious, and comfortable with, the way things are now.
> 
> I think of how much time I have wasted in the past with self-doubt.
> 
> meh, sigh.



Self dought can get in the way of positive expectation. In my world, regret is a waste of energy. The only one who can make a difference for you is you. 

"Love yourself and the rest of the world will follow."


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## Jim_luvs_em_fat07 (Apr 13, 2007)

I first found dimensions by accident really when i was about 14 i can remember i went to yahoo and searched for fattest girl in the world and stumbled upon that story. It was a very good story by the way, so i read and really enjoyed it and that kind of scared me but i got over it. So the next day i searched for that again and clicked the related link and it brought me to the old weight gain stories page. I was just in shock that their were these great stories then come to find out that there were loads of people just like me. For me it has simply been bliss ever since I used to be very closed minded and hateful at very young age, I found dimensions and it has opened my mind so much that i have become a more open-minded and happy person because of this. All in all i was just wondering when all of you found dimensions and what it did for you and whatever you might want to add. 

-Thanx


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## AnnMarie (Apr 13, 2007)

Jim_luvs_em_fat07 said:


> I first found dimensions by accident really when i was about 14 i can remember i went to yahoo and searched for fattest girl in the world and stumbled upon that story. It was a very good story by the way, so i read and really enjoyed it and that kind of scared me but i got over it. So the next day i searched for that again and clicked the related link and it brought me to the old weight gain stories page. I was just in shock that their were these great stories then come to find out that there were loads of people just like me. For me it has simply been bliss ever since I used to be very closed minded and hateful at very young age, I found dimensions and it has opened my mind so much that i have become a more open-minded and happy person because of this. All in all i was just wondering when all of you found dimensions and what it did for you and whatever you might want to add.
> 
> -Thanx


Just wanted you to know I moved your post here, as this thread is already going, and the chit chat board is for chat-related issues only. 

Thanks!


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## ToniTails (Aug 25, 2007)

i can sooo relate! 200 pounds ago i felt soooo bad about myself... it's insane how we treat ourselves when we are so beautiful... i am blessed now to see my beauty and to enjoy being me


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## beginner FA (Aug 11, 2008)

Dimensions has shown me how important it is to stick up for bbws in every day situations and to openly project the view that big is not just ok but better! 

The thoght that any bbw or ssbbw has to put up with any bother because of her size disgusts me and dimensions has only affirmed that view.

That is way i think the size acceptance movement is one of the most important in western society and if not beyond!


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 11, 2008)

I thought I'd share my own little story here. I've stumbled across Dimensions in such a weird turn of events but I am so grateful that I have. 

I'm about to ramble to you all about how I found this place, feel free to read, or not. I'm sure it'll be long and probably a little too personal. I have a tendency to go on and on.

I've always been fat and I was constantly being told by my family, my friends, my teachers, my doctors, my peers how horrible and unattractive being fat was. I desperately wanted to lose weight, and I tried all sorts of fad diets, fat camps, support groups, exercise programs, etc. etc. Well, as a kid, and a young teenager I frequented a certain "diet" website. In the "rules" on this website it said that no "gainers" were allowed. I took it upon myself eventually to look this up. The first feederism related website I ever found was Feeder UK which, as I'm sure you all know, has since disappeared [much to my disappointment!] I remember being initally disgusted. I was about age 12 then. I was surprised, and in truth, horrified to realize that not only were there people out there that liked big girls and guys, but there were people out there who actually actively took enjoyment out of fat people gaining weight. I don't particularly remember the first time I read this stuff, but I know it started around the time I was in 6th or 7th grade. To my even greater surprise (and horror) I realized I was turned on by a lot of it. 

For a few years I only frequented the story and picture sections of Feeder UK and a few related yahoo groups. I acknowleged the fact that for some reason I was turned on by this stuff, but I certainly did not think it was normal. I remember feeling so intensely guilty about liking the stories. I thought it was a self control problem. I'd want to look at it, and then I would, and I'd get off to it and then I'd sit there and hate myself, thinking that I have a problem because I "couldn't stop myself" from going on those sites. I know there were times where I cried over it - I felt dirty in a way. I just felt so strange liking it because it wasn't "normal." It probably doesn't help that I didn't realize until the of like 14 that masturbation was normal and I often felt guilty about that as well. 

I eventually stumbled across Fantasy Feeder. I got involved a little bit there. I talked to more people, and posted a bit on the forum. I eventually came to accept that having a fetish wasn't something to hate myself over. I guess you could say I "embraced" it a bit after that. I think it was the fact that I realized that a lot of people shared how I felt and I can't but thinking that if THIS many people are into it, then it can't possibly be that weird. Obviously, I just naturally grew up a lot and matured a lot which drastically changed how I viewed everything. 

I have been trying to meet FA's that live around here for awhile now, so I've posted in the personal ad's section of Fantasy Feeder a bit lately and I was lucky enough to get the screen name of a FA from NYC a few months ago. He's going to remain nameless because you all know him, but basically, he was a GREAT guy. He introduced me to a lot of things, he opened my eyes so much. He made me realize that you can have this kink, and even participate in it but still lead a 'normal' life. He was great in so many ways, and I am truly forever indebted to him for what he did to my self-esteem and self acceptance. 

I had heard about Dimensions, and actually had registered a little while before, but I pretty much only read the stories. I had only posted on the forums like three or four times but this NYC FA convinced me to get involved. Another reason why I am indebted to him. This site has done wonders for my self acceptance. It's been great to not only meet so many people who share the feederism kink, but also who are just BBW's or FA's living normal, happy lives. It's so great to see fat girls here who aren't constantly trying to lose weight or trying to hide themselves. In my life, I've met so few confident fat girls...it's such a breath of fresh air being here. 

I'm not going to say I'm 100% happy with who I am, or 100% happy with how I look but I have come so incredibly far in my self acceptance and so, so, so much of it is because of the lovely people in this community who have opened my eyes to the fact that fat can truly be beautiful.


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## SocialbFly (Aug 11, 2008)

holy thread revival Batman!!!

Yowza...


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 12, 2008)

SocialbFly said:


> holy thread revival Batman!!!
> 
> Yowza...



I didn't even realize it was old when I posted in it.  Ah well, I wasn't around when it was written.


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## out.of.habit (Aug 12, 2008)

thatgirl08 said:


> I didn't even realize it was old when I posted in it.  Ah well, I wasn't around when it was written.



Hey! If it's useful thread revival, I'm totally cool with it, such as in this case. The revival of flame wars, on the other hand... 

I can't argue with being reminded about self-image improving with the finding of Dims, though.


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## thatgirl08 (Aug 12, 2008)

out.of.habit said:


> Hey! If it's useful thread revival, I'm totally cool with it, such as in this case. The revival of flame wars, on the other hand...
> 
> I can't argue with being reminded about self-image improving with the finding of Dims, though.



Haha, true that.


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