# Are women taught to put down other women down?



## AuntHen (May 31, 2013)

I am not sure how to pose this question exactly or portray my thoughts but based on my own personal observation, it seems more and more that women have a bad habit of judging other women harshly or tearing them down.

Why is this?

As a fat woman, I notice when I got out in public, in say, a tight tank top that I get funny looks, laughs or even out loud insults on my appearance... from women. Men (not counting immature teen like males) for the most part either 1) do not notice me are oblivious to their surroundings 2) ignore me 3)actually look admiringly... smiles and the like. I do not notice negativity coming from men. 

I mean, if the majority of women are not looking at other women as a sexual attraction or interest, why are they then so critical of each other's appearance?

Is it about competition? Societal pressure? Learnt habit?

I just do not understand it.

I once worked in an office where I had to stop eating lunch with a group of ladies because every single time and throughout the entire lunch, they would put down other ladies left and right. Making fun of their hair, their clothes, their weight, etc. It was so negative and just left me feeling bleh.

Any thoughts or observations of your own?

My thoughts always seem jumbled when I write them down at first. I hope this makes sense ...


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## Surlysomething (May 31, 2013)

I think it has a lot to do with a lack of self esteem. And societal pressure.
I honestly don't think it makes them feel better about themselves in the long run, but at that moment they're probably thinking, "why do you feel so good about yourself...why are you so confident....i'm thinner and don't feel that way". It's kind of bullshit. These women don't realize that most of our beauty comes from INSIDE and it shines through. 







fat9276 said:


> I am not sure how to pose this question exactly or portray my thoughts but based on my own personal observation, it seems more and more that women have a bad habit of judging other women harshly or tearing them down.
> 
> Why is this?
> 
> ...


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## Dr. Feelgood (May 31, 2013)

Men do it, too. In fact, this seems to be standard behavior in same-sex groups. In mixed groups, particularly where we don't know everyone well, we're (somewhat) more likely to tune it down.


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## loopytheone (May 31, 2013)

This is certainly an interesting question and one that I have wondered about my whole life. I very rarely have female friends because of that sort of bitchy, rude behaviour, whether it be behind a person's back or to their face. I have one female friend who I've known since we were teenagers who does it a LOT. She will routinely turn on facebook, look at our old school friends and laugh about how much they look like sluts/how ugly their boyfriend is/how poor their taste in clothes is etc etc. It isn't just physical appearance stuff either, girls tend to tear each other down about things like whether or not you have as good a job as other people or the way you talk. 

I have found that guys tend to pick on each other too when they are just with other guys - as far as I can tell my male friends act the same around me as they do when I'm not there as I am one of the guys - but it tends to be more joking and taking the mic rather than actual cruel comments. That is what I have found, at least.


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## penguin (May 31, 2013)

Girls are taught that bonding involves putting down someone else. You see it in primary and high school, the cattiness that is perceived as "girls being girls", which is thankfully being stopped with the current school kids. At least at my daughter's school. 

We've been taught to tear ourselves and each other apart, to look for flaws and faults and to focus on them, because doing so apparently makes us feel better. "I may have X but at least I'm not Y!" kind of thinking. We've been taught to put our self worth on a sliding scale of constant comparison to every other woman around us. "As long as Z is heavier than me, I'm okay!"

We've been taught that boys will be mean and girls will be catty. It's part of the outdated mode of social pecking order - the bitchiest gets to the top of the ladder and others will want to be her, be like her, or have her like them. Think Mean Girls. We're not taught that true friendship, bonding over shared interests and outlooks, and having compatible personalities, is more important than being pretty or fuckable. 

It's part of what society expects of us, and it's a hard cycle to break free of. I try very hard not to fall into its trap any more.


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## Ruffie (Jun 1, 2013)

Surlysomething said:


> I think it has a lot to do with a lack of self esteem. And societal pressure.
> I honestly don't think it makes them feel better about themselves in the long run, but at that moment they're probably thinking, "why do you feel so good about yourself...why are you so confident....i'm thinner and don't feel that way". It's kind of bullshit. These women don't realize that most of our beauty comes from INSIDE and it shines through.


GREAT OBSERVATION AND INSIGHT! THe system wouldn't let me rep you but wanted to say I think you nailed it!


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## veggieforever (Jun 1, 2013)

*I think that the pressures on women from an early age initiate female competitiveness between us. I have seen childrens beauty pageants on tv where 6 year olds appear to fiercely despise their competitors and will give backhanded digs and insults about their hair, costumes and performances!!! Crazy or what???!!! Girls, in comparison to men, have so much more to be "on top" of:

Weight
Fashion

Hair
Make-Up
Nails
Sex Appeal...

AS WELL AS HAVING BRAINS AND GETTING A GOOD EDUCATION!! lol

The list is endless and there is so much to compete with each other over on that list so its enevitable! So, I think that a hierarchy has been established between members the fairer sex as to who gets through this list better and woe betide the girl who doesnt do it at all!! lol Know what I mean? Maybe low self confidence plays its part too but the social rigors demanded of women does seem to create a froth of critisism and venom from women who pass judgement on their fellow girlies for not fulfilling their role to (in their humble opinion) their own dizzyingly high standards!

Me? I adore anyone who goes against the grain, does what feels good and right to them and to heck with social convention! lol Lets just be ourselves. Life is hard enough without Godzilla Mega-B**ch giving herself a Stroke because you havent shaved your legs or your jiggly bits are more ample than the general population. These women need to concern themselves with their own lives more but then maybe there is very little in their lives and they have to create drama from what lies outside...

I mean, there are people in our world with REAL problems. If thats all they have to concern themselves with, then they are truly blessed.x*


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## superodalisque (Jun 18, 2013)

i don't think anyone can teach you to put anyone else down unless the really just want to learn it.


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## Ontarioguy3 (Jun 22, 2013)

Unfortunately, I think our society does tend to teach women and girls to put each other down.. But it's bigger than that. I think that in a lot of ways our media makes everybody want to put each other down, be it with body image or styles and trends or material wealth or whatever.. There's a certain shallowness that seems to pervade almost everything.. 

Lack of empathy is the root of it, I think.


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## KittyKitten (Jun 22, 2013)

Men do it too with each other, however, it's different with them. I can't put my finger to it, but it seems less vindictive. They can fight, argue with each other and have a beer the next day.

I try to surround myself with positive ladies.


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## katherine22 (Jun 23, 2013)

Women put each other down in response to a perception of scarcity, not enough, not good enough and won't get my share.


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## Jim Miller (Jun 24, 2013)

fat9276 said:


> I am not sure how to pose this question exactly or portray my thoughts but based on my own personal observation, it seems more and more that women have a bad habit of judging other women harshly or tearing them down.
> 
> Why is this?
> 
> ...



Most of it comes from Christian social mores that have been passed down through the generations. Women as a whole and as individuals are much more powerful than society has traditionally allowed them to be, and Christianity in order to impose itself on society learned a long time ago that the best way to short-circuit women's social power, besides stripping them of their legal rights, is to pit them against each other in neurotic social games of competition with female worth being the stakes.

Since human sexuality is at the core of most people's identity, as well as society's overall identity, and since female sexuality is a powerful driver of all sexes, teaching a woman to hate her own body through subtle social reinforcement is the surest way for the sexually repressive religion of Christianity to continue to exist. It's the same reason Dimensions exists: Turn the human body into our own personal villain, and we all lose--and the rich people with the crosses win.

When women have true equal rights, are respected in pop culture, have full access to the institutions of society, and overcome nonsensical religious ideas about "a woman's true nature," a lot of this conflict will simply evaporate. That's because a healthy society won't have any use for it. I've noticed that people who are happy with their bodies also tend to be much likelier to be happy overall in life, feeling satisfied and powerful.

The same thing happens with men, actually, but on a lesser scale because men have more power in a Christian society. But, even so, men are pitted against each other so that they won't threaten the social order. They put each other down and compete with each other, both outwardly and passive-aggressively...just as women do.

One thing's for sure: All the negativity gets damn tiring. The best I can say is that it's a good idea to avoid toxic people, and try not to let their opinions get to you. Remember that they have no power over you unless you give it to them.

Lastly: Apologies to those of you who are Christian and are also decent people. Some religious people are as nice as anyone else despite following a religion with a pretty dubious history. I'm not talking about you all.


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