# How do you like to make love to your lady?



## BearHUG4U (Oct 31, 2011)

Im not sure If you girls are into this but this is how I like to make love to my lady friends!

She Lies on her back I get on top and Just have my weight Crush down on her
Doing Smooth slow powerful passionate thrusts. I also Just loves sucking on her neck and shoving my tounge in her throat! At this point she can barely breath as I dominate her with my weight and body! I love it! So what is everyone else into?


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## Deanna (Oct 31, 2011)

Getting crushed? Getting slowly nailed in a form of tantric torture?

Totally into it.


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## Melian (Oct 31, 2011)

Up and Down

too much Vengaboys at work today....


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## su3liminal (Oct 31, 2011)

I like to wear my Dukes of Hazzard Underoos... Funny, how they dont fit like they used... Oh well, maybe ladies like Moose knuckles


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## Fat Brian (Oct 31, 2011)




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## theronin23 (Oct 31, 2011)

Well, see it doesn't happen often because of the prep work involved, but first, you get 15 midgets. Hiring a midget wrestling team passing through town seems to work quite nicely. 

Then, you need a kiddie pool filled with cream of chicken of soup. Because fuck cream of mushroom. I find a very large box, and put her in it (making sure to put air holes in it...we don't want a repeat of the first time *puts hat to chest*) and seal it up with duct tape. I then put on a UPS uniform....and you know what, if you can't follow where this is going from there...I just don't know what to tell you.


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## imfree (Oct 31, 2011)

My Lady, when I'm blessed to be with one, is a person whom I make love with and not to. Mutual desire and participation lead to extraordinary love-making and sex. Ordinary is boring.


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## LeoGibson (Oct 31, 2011)

I like to mount from behind and grab a handful of hair and smack her ass with a curled latigo. Then I pump away like a crack addicted porn star until the 8 second horn blows. At that point I jump off the bed and click my heels to make my spurs jingle (of course my boots and hat are still on) then I get a pinch of snuff while I wait for my score. That's romance baby.


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## Buffetbelly (Oct 31, 2011)

I find that the Little Jack Horner method gets my cowgirl ready to ride.

What a good boy am I!


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## theronin23 (Oct 31, 2011)

Buffetbelly said:


> I find that the Little Jack Horner method gets my cowgirl ready to ride.
> 
> What a good boy am I!



So, wait...you stick plums up there beforehand?

Gosh damn....fucking GENIUS! I need to add it to my prep list!


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## penguin (Oct 31, 2011)

theronin23 said:


> So, wait...you stick plums up there beforehand?
> 
> Gosh damn....fucking GENIUS! I need to add it to my prep list!



You can stick all sorts of things up there beforehand, so when you're doing the deed you can win a prize!


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## su3liminal (Oct 31, 2011)

Plums??? Damn, I must be around the wrong woman. I would need Grapefruits....


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## cakeboy (Oct 31, 2011)

I usually insert my penis into her vagina and thrust until I achieve a ballbag-shuddering orgasm. Sometimes I get super romantic and allow her to look at me or take my coat off. She especially enjoys our post-coital activities because she gets to make me a sandwich and express her admiration of my sexual prowess.

I changed things up this week. My penis now only shoots dulce de leche and is 14" long. HMU ladies!!!


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## WVMountainrear (Oct 31, 2011)

I love this thread already. Subscribing!


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Nov 1, 2011)

We are usually both fully covered in Tyvek biohazard suits before anything happens.


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## chicken legs (Nov 1, 2011)

BearHUG4U said:


> Im not sure If you girls are into this but this is how I like to make love to my lady friends!
> 
> She Lies on her back I get on top and Just have my weight Crush down on her
> Doing Smooth slow powerful passionate thrusts. I also Just loves sucking on her neck and shoving my tounge in her throat! At this point she can barely breath as I dominate her with my weight and body! I love it! So what is everyone else into?



Hrmm...you know I love the scene in Ninja Scroll when Tessai devours Kagero.:eat1:


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## halcyon (Nov 1, 2011)

cakeboy said:


> I usually insert my penis into her vagina and thrust until I achieve a ballbag-shuddering orgasm. Sometimes I get super romantic and allow her to look at me or take my coat off. She especially enjoys our post-coital activities because she gets to make me a sandwich and express her admiration of my sexual prowess.
> 
> I changed things up this week. My penis now only shoots dulce de leche and is 14" long. HMU ladies!!!




Oh my god, this got me giggling.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Nov 1, 2011)

-totally subscribed as she's giggling irl at this-

The funnies thing is that some people call us 'ladies' when they make love..


<__<; Where the 'princess at day, slut at night' fucking at?


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## biglynch (Nov 1, 2011)

I dont think the crushing thing is the best idea for me as im a bit clumsy, and i dont want things going all "Of Mice and Men" on me. 

bl "Sorry officer i accidently broke this woman"

O "shes dead"

bl "yes, my bad"

O "you killed her?"

bl "what? NO... she mut have some sort of calcium deficiency, she needed more milk in her diet. I loved her to death you could say, killed her, i say nay!"

O "you're a monster"

bl "thats harsh, I prefer sex crazed manwhale"

A story by biglynch.


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## cakeboy (Nov 1, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> -totally subscribed as she's giggling irl at this-
> 
> The funnies thing is that some people call us 'ladies' when they make love..
> 
> ...



I'm a slut AND a princess. At the same time! Woop woop!


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## Deanna (Nov 2, 2011)

cakeboy said:


> I'm a slut AND a princess. At the same time! Woop woop!



Ha, I'd rather be the slutty chambermaid than the princess.


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## ManBeef (Nov 2, 2011)

I convince her to be super sub. Bend her over a stool && tie her limbs to the legs of the stool. Run up from behind with a mighty pelvic thrust. I attack like a Chihuahua humping a stuffed animal while making dolphin noises to add sensual nature sounds. When I want to be romantic I tell her I am actually thinking about her atm. && right before I do like Corn Nuts && bust a nut while flopping around like a salmon outta water I donkey punch after I show her my version of whispering sweet nothings in someone's ear by loudly making *EHAW EHAW!!!* sounds in hope she passes out from the blow cuz let's face it... I'm too sweaty to wanna post love making cuddle.


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## SlightlyMorbid (Nov 2, 2011)

-plays Fuckmachine by Combichrist to the atmosphere-

"You're such a dirty whore, you're such a fucking slut, you are my fucktoy..."

-nibbles on a PVC crop-


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## TheMildlyStrangeone (Nov 2, 2011)

SlightlyMorbid said:


> -totally subscribed as she's giggling irl at this-
> 
> The funnies thing is that some people call us 'ladies' when they make love..
> 
> ...



I'm a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen.


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## CastingPearls (Nov 2, 2011)

biglynch said:


> I dont think the crushing thing is the best idea for me as im a bit clumsy, and i dont want things going all "Of Mice and Men" on me.
> 
> bl "Sorry officer i accidently broke this woman"
> 
> ...


A literary masterpiece. Four stars.

I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me.


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## theronin23 (Nov 2, 2011)

biglynch said:


> I dont think the crushing thing is the best idea for me as im a bit clumsy, and i dont want things going all "Of Mice and Men" on me.
> 
> bl "Sorry officer i accidently broke this woman"
> 
> ...




WHAT A TWEEST


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## biglynch (Nov 3, 2011)

It works so well, its the prequel for unbreakable right there. You sir are legend.


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## Buffetbelly (Nov 3, 2011)

penguin said:


> You can stick all sorts of things up there beforehand, so when you're doing the deed you can win a prize!



No, no, no!

The pie is real.
The thumb is real.
The plum is a metaphor.

I believe this hard-boiled detective novel has a more complete explanation. I haven't read it, but there's a swooning dame on the cover so it must be relevant:


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## NjBigBoi (Nov 3, 2011)

My method is a little unconventional but I found it to work very well  It involves ice cubes, a buffalo , live or stuffed although preferably stuffed for safety reasons and a 9 iron although if you dont have a 9 iron a pitching wedge will do just fine. 

Oh I crack myself up haha 

But seriously, when it comes to the love making I'll be honest, I take control and can be a little rough but thats ok cuz if it aint rough then you aint doin it right 8) haha Unless Im really tired, then I just lay back Tony Soprano style and let her ride away...


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## CastingPearls (Nov 3, 2011)

NjBigBoi said:


> My method is a little unconventional but I found it to work very well  It involves ice cubes, a buffalo , live or stuffed although preferably stuffed for safety reasons and a 9 iron although if you dont have a 9 iron a pitching wedge will do just fine.
> 
> Oh I crack myself up haha
> 
> But seriously, when it comes to the love making I'll be honest, I take control and can be a little rough but thats ok cuz if it aint rough then you aint doin it right 8) haha Unless Im really tired, then I just lay back Tony Soprano style and let her ride away...


I knew you were a fellow New Jerseyian without even looking at your location info or username.


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## NjBigBoi (Nov 3, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> I knew you were a fellow New Jerseyian without even looking at your location info or username.



Did my brilliant sense of humor give it away? lol


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## CastingPearls (Nov 3, 2011)

NjBigBoi said:


> Did my brilliant sense of humor give it away? lol


No, a signature sparkling class that only hails from the Garden State.


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## Deanna (Nov 3, 2011)

theronin23 said:


> A story by biglynch.
> *Directed by M. Night Shyamalan*



I'm confused. It doesn't suck.


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## NjBigBoi (Nov 4, 2011)

CastingPearls said:


> No, a signature sparkling class that only hails from the Garden State.



Haha ah yes, well that is what NJ is known for lol Nothing but class


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## biglynch (Nov 4, 2011)

Deanna said:


> I'm confused. It doesn't suck.



it will be 243 mins and at the very end it will all be just the dead womans dream. Welcome to Suckyassmovieville!


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## SlightlyMorbid (Nov 4, 2011)

biglynch said:


> it will be 243 mins and at the very end it will all be just the dead womans dream. Welcome to Sulent ckyassmovieville!



Silent Hill style?


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## PaperZombie (Nov 4, 2011)

I'll tell ya when it happens. With luck it'll involve a gratuitous amount of crushing.


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## Deanna (Nov 5, 2011)

PaperZombie said:


> With luck it'll involve a gratuitous amount of crushing.



I have a crush on crushing. :smitten:


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## JenFromOC (Nov 6, 2011)

It still makes me laugh when I think about the time my ribs busted from my ex-boyfriend crushing me...and the nurse in the ER made him leave the room and then asked me if he had abused me.


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## biglynch (Nov 6, 2011)

i broke an ex's nose in my sleep rolling over. I think i did more blubbering than she did. nurse did exactly the same. i still have scars on my elbow from her teeth.


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## Bighairyman (Nov 6, 2011)

Touch
Kiss
Touch
Unbutton
Remove
Kiss
Suck
Nibble
Suck
Unbutton
Remove
Kiss
Kiss
Kiss
Suck
Nibble
Nibble
Finger
Nibble
Finger
Nibble
Finger
Thrust
Thrust
Thrust
Thrust
BANG!

the end

:eat2:


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## Deanna (Nov 11, 2011)

Bighairyman said:


> Touch
> Kiss
> Touch
> Unbutton
> ...


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